"FRANKIE:" "There are lots of ways you categorize people:" "age, politics, religion." "But when you get down to it there are really two basic types of people in the world: the non-worriers..." "God!" "I'll study while they're handing out the test." "The nail was rusty, but I threw beer on there, cleaned it out." "FRANKIE:" "... and the worriers." "What if I never get my braces off?" "What if I'm part of some secret experiment to see how long a person can last with braces on?" "I'm forgetting things, Mike." "My keys were right here." "This runs in families." "It's only a matter of time before I am wandering the interstate in my bathrobe and you're using candy to get me in the car." "I stole a customer from Pete." "I'm a dead man." "Dead, dead, dead." "You stole a sale from Pete in real life?" "Not that dream you have?" "Yes." "This guy he'd been working with came in on Pete's day off and I told him Pete had been shot, and I closed the sale." " That must have been a rush." " I felt like a god." " Ladies." " Always funny, Pete." "[LAUGHING]" "He knows." "If he goes for my face, don't let them rebuild it with putty." "It never looks natural." "MAN [ON PA]:" "Frankie, you have a call on line one." "Axl can't find his jeans." "Said it's your fault." "You were supposed to wash them." "Why are you trying to ruin his life?" " Tell him to look in the basket on the..." " Never mind." "He found them." "Hey, how is Axl doing?" " Is he still dating that cheerleader girl?" " No, thank God." "FRANKIE:" "The past few months had been a roller coaster of pain." "Axl's first love, Morgan, had broken up with him leaving him heartbroken." "Just when he'd finally bounced back..." "Morgan and I are back together." "She broke up with me." "She loves me." "She loves me too much." "She's willing to take me back if I can change." "I think I can." "She doesn't like the person I've become, so I totally broke up with her." "No matter what anyone tells you, it was me, my decision." "And I feel so good about it." "[SOBBING]" "Anyway, I'm just glad it's finally over." "I have had it with her." "You don't know what it's like to watch your kid get hurt again and again and again." "That's why I never dated in high school." "To spare my mom the pain." "EHLERT:" "Gather around, minions." "I'm throwing a company picnic." "Food, drinks, games, the whole shebang." "And I expect to see every one of you there with your families." "It's really my granddaughter's 9th birthday, but this way I can write the whole thing off." "She likes those American Girl dolls." "Check with each other so you don't double up." "Remember how I told you we're hatching eggs at school for a science project?" "Let's say I do." "This little guy is the only one who didn't hatch." "Hatch." "Brick, there's probably a reason it didn't hatch." "I know." "He's anxious about what he's getting into." "That's why I'm gonna spend as long as it takes to reassure him that the world is a safe, loving place." " Meet Scout." " Oh, hey there, Scout." "When it starts to smell, throw it in the trash." "FRANKIE:" "To our great surprise, Brick actually took better care of that egg than, well, just about anything I can think of." "He took it with him everywhere." "[LAUGHING]" "FRANKIE:" "But Brick being Brick..." " Hey, what are you doing?" " I lost Scout." " Brick." " I know it was inevitable but I'm still disappointed in me." "I don't know what happened." "I had him with me and then I didn't." "Just relax." "It's gonna be okay." "We'll find your egg." "I already looked everywhere." "You've looked everywhere, but have you smelled everywhere?" "Start sniffing." "Ugh." "Who even drinks buttermilk?" "Mom, something stinks over here." " Oh, false alarm." "Axl's tennis shoes." "Oof." " Ugh!" "Keep sniffing." "What is going on with your feet that your shoes smell like this?" "Awesome, you found them." "Going to Sean's." "Don't wait up." "[WHISTLES]" "Here, Scout." "[WHISTLES]" "Here, boy." "I'm hoping for a boy." "Ah-ha." " Is this Axl's calculus book?" " Yeah, right." " Oh!" "Sue, I found your lip gloss." " Oh, cool." "Oh, wait, this isn't mine." "I only use Lip Smacker's orange-pop flavor, same as Brad." "FRANKIE:" "The calculus book, the lip gloss..." "It was all adding up to one thing." "Either Axl had turned into a gay math whiz or Morgan was back." "Mike, you're not gonna believe this." "Are you ready?" "Guess who Axl is apparently seeing again." "Don't guess, I'll tell you." "Morgan." "Are you speechless or just not paying attention?" " I already knew." " What?" " You caught them together and didn't tell?" " No." "You overheard them on the phone and you didn't tell me?" "No." "Axl told me and I didn't tell you." "What?" "What?" "Why?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "Frankie, I didn't tell you because he asked me not to." "He didn't think you would take it well." "That doesn't even make sense." "Why would he think that?" "I'll tell you another thing about Morgan." "She is just stringing you along." "She seems all nice and sweet but if she really cared, she would not be jerking you around." "If you can't see that..." "Oh, my God." "So Axl feels like he can't come to me?" "But he'll go to you whose greatest pearls of wisdom are "shake it off" and "man up"?" "Apparently." "Well, this sucks." "Aw." "Shake it off." "Mom, Dad, I found my egg." "Oh." "Well, you gave it your best shot." "Circle of life and all that." "No, no, it hatched." "Isn't it great?" "I don't know where he is, but we have a baby chicken in the house." "Chicken in the house." "[CHEEPING]" "[KEYS JINGLING]" "[WHISTLING]" "Hi, Axl." "How was Sean's?" "Fine." "Wait." "Where are you going?" "I was hoping we could talk." "Why?" "I don't know." "I just miss you." "Come on, sit." "It'll be fun." " So, what do you wanna talk about?" " I don't." "You made me sit here." "Ha." "Okay, I'll start." "Axl, we've always had the kind of relationship where you can tell me anything, right?" " No." " Yes, we have." "And I would feel so sad if you felt that you couldn't tell me something or had to hide something because you were worried about how I would react." "Because I'm good at listening, very good." "Better than Dad, really." "I didn't tell you I'm with Morgan because you'd flip out." " You're back with Morgan?" " Mom, please." "Look, I know you hate her, but I love her." "So could we just drop it?" "I don't hate Morgan." "I hated the way she treated you." "But if you're happy, I'm happy." "Mom, I lie to you, you don't lie to me." "That's the way it works." "Let me prove it to you." "Why don't you bring her to dinner tomorrow night?" " Wow, Mom, that sounds awesome." " Come on." "Don't you want the women in your life to get along?" "Oh, my God." "It sounds totally creepy when you put it like that." "I cannot believe the head cheerleader and vice president of student council is coming to our house for dinner." "I have like a million questions I wanna ask her." "This could be a real turning point in my life." "Okay, I agreed to dinner, but I never said anything about Sue being here." " Can't we tie her to a tree in the backyard?" " Axl, shake it off." "Man up." "Your mom invited Morgan over so we can all get to know her." "It's not a big deal." "Just a really bad idea." "Mike, don't be ridiculous." "It's a great idea." "It's gonna be great." "[DOORBELL RINGS]" "[SIGHS]" "FRANKIE:" "And I really believed it was gonna be great." "If Axl loved her, I could love her." "Simple as that." "Hi." "FRANKIE:" "Oh, this is going to be hard." "Hey, Morgan." "Come on in." "Mrs. Heck I know Axl and I have had our ups and downs but he has made a lot of great changes, and I am feeling really positive about our relationship right now." "Me too." "Super positive." "Well, come on in." "Let's eat." "I don't know what kind you like, so I got regular and extra-crispy." "Wow, it's hard to decide." "Sure, it can be hard to make a choice and then stick with it." "I get that." "What?" "I said, I get that." "[CHEEPING]" " Is that a chicken?" " Oh, sorry." "That's Brick's chick." "It's running around the house." " We can't find it." " He's right here." "I found him this morning." "Brick, get that thing off the table." "Come on." "Look, he imprinted on me." "He follows me everywhere." " Come on." " Ha, ha." "BRICK:" "See?" "Okay." "Well, I had a worst-case scenario in my head and this seems to be exceeding that, so we're gonna go." "No." "This is all about us getting to know Morgan." "So, Morgan, how's school going?" "Fantastic." "I just aced my AP Mandarin test." "I told Axl to drop Spanish, so now he's taking it too." "[SPEAKS IN MANDARIN]" "Oh." "I didn't know you dropped a class." "So, what's wrong with Spanish?" " Well..." " Nothing." "It's just, everyone knows Chinese is the language of the future." "Well." "I didn't know that." " Did you know that, Mike?" " Yup." "It also looks good on your transcript." "I told Axl he needed to start thinking about things like that." "It's not like we never talk about that around here." "I mean, we didn't just give birth to him and then walk away." "Well, I told Axl..." "FRANKIE:" "So it went for the next 20 minutes." "I told Axl he should ask for a raise." "I told Axl he should get those brakes fixed." "I told Axl he should wear more shorts." "I told Axl that eating too much takeout is bad for you." " I told Axl..." " Well, I told Axl..." " Would you like some broccoli?" " I'd love some." " Oh, Axl doesn't eat broccoli." " Oh, sure he does." "I told Axl it's great brain food, and now he loves it." "I told Axl..." "FRANKIE:" "Well, that's how it went in my head, anyway." "In reality..." "Frankie, you got a really weird look on your face." " Is it a smile?" " Kind of." "Then I'm doing good." "FRANKIE:" "It was 3 in the morning, and I was way too worried to sleep." "Mike could sense it." "[SNORING]" "FRANKIE:" "Mike could sense it." " Mike." " Where's my bat?" "She has way too much power over him, Mike." "Oh, God." "See, that's why I knew dinner was a bad idea." " Axl will do whatever she says." "It's scary." " Oh, you're exaggerating." "Hello?" "Were you not there?" "Axl's eating broccoli now." "And that's how it starts." "She tells him to eat broccoli, so he does." "Then she tells him what friends he can have, what college he should go to." "He should go to a college near her." "So he moves there and she breaks up with him again." "She takes him back, they get married and have kids and then she gets bored, which is her pattern." "They get divorced and Axl's living in our basement and she's moved with the kids to Florida because that's where her parents retired." "They see the grandkids all the time and get to be called Nana and Pop-Pop." "We have to be boring Grandma and Grandpa and see them once a year." "When we try to hug them, they're all stiff because we're strangers to our grandkids." " It all starts with broccoli?" " It all starts with the broccoli." "I think you worry too much." "I have a right to be worried." "Our grandkids live in Florida." "Frankie, Axl's 16." "His brain's not even fully developed yet." "Brick's chick has better judgment than he does and it spent an hour trying to walk into a fan." " Don't try to make me laugh." "I'm worrying." " Oh, stop." "This relationship doesn't mean anything." "He's gonna date a million girls." "Some of them you'll hate more than Morgan." "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" "Fine." "You're hell-bent on worrying, I'll give you something to worry about." "We had a meeting at work." "They're cutting back on our health insurance." "Night, honey." "FRANKIE:" "Brick wasn't getting a lot of sleep either." "At first he loved being a mom to a baby chick but like all new parents, the novelty wore off pretty quick." "It's coming, it's coming." "It doesn't pour itself, you know." "[CHEEPING]" "I just got home." "Just give me a second to get a juice and then I'll play with you." "[CHEEPING]" "BRICK:" "Can I get one minute to myself?" "Morgan?" "Yeah?" "I know you're head cheerleader, and I tried out also but the day before tryouts, I dropped a big rock on my toe." "Oh, well, maybe next year." "Really?" "Thanks." "Mom, Morgan thinks I should try out for cheerleading." "Ha!" "Okay, five-minute warning till we leave for the picnic." "Do I have to?" "Morgan's practice got canceled." "What's she to do while I'm at a picnic?" "FRANKIE:" "Play solitaire, find a new boyfriend, step in front of a bus?" "Why doesn't she come with us to the picnic?" " Really?" " Oh, I don't wanna intrude." "I'd really love you to come." "FRANKIE:" "I couldn't believe I'd said it either but the truth is, after I said it, I felt good." "All right." "Let me just get my purse out of Axl's room." "Come on." "FRANKIE:" "Maybe it was because in the light of day all my fears just seemed silly." "Mike was right." "They were only 16." "And what was so wrong with Morgan?" "She's got my son speaking Chinese and eating vegetables." "That's not exactly robbing banks and stealing cattle." "What was I so worried about?" "MORGAN:" "A picnic?" " It's not exactly what I felt like doing today." "AXL:" "Tell me about it." "MORGAN:" "I'd rather hang out at my house." "My parents are more fun." "AXL:" "I know, but what am I supposed to do?" "MORGAN:" "Fine." "We'll go this once." "But the next time your parents ask us to do something, you're making up an excuse." " All ready." "This is gonna be a blast." " Yay!" "FRANKIE:" "There better be booze at this thing." " Hey, Stretch, you enjoying yourself?" " Now that I've found the beer." "Ha, ha." "Well, I'm just glad I could throw this celebration for the employees." "When you give, you get a warm feeling in your ticker, you know?" "That'll be 3 bucks." "Ah, the pop's a buck and a quarter there, princess." " I'll get it." " Oh, great." "Ugh." " What?" " Nothing." "I mean, I shouldn't say anything bad about Morgan, right?" "Well, Brick, just because you're a child doesn't mean your opinion is less than anyone else's." "I'd hope you'd feel comfortable sharing any negative feelings you might have about Morgan." " I'm not a big fan." " I know, right?" "She comes across all together and perfect, but trust me, I have heard things." "She is manipulative, deceitful, two-faced..." "Plus she sat on my bed and moved my books." "Not cool." "[CHEEPING]" "Yes, I'm watching you." "That's great." "Sorry." "What was I saying?" "I'm wiped." "He always wants to eat, play." "I'm constantly cleaning up after him." "Throw in a carpool and we'll talk." "I can't believe you picked me as your partner." "FRANKIE:" "Yep, after days of worrying about payback for stealing Pete's customer it looked like Bob was finally in the clear." " Ah!" "That's tight." " Yes, it is." "I don't want you getting away because I know you stole my customer, you little fink." "No!" "[BOTH GRUNTING]" "The kids lost their cornhole partners." "It's you and me on one side and Morgan and Axl on the other." "Okay." "Well, whose partner did you wanna be?" "No, you were right when you said that." "Them on one side and us on the other." "I heard her talking." "I didn't wanna say anything, because I didn't wanna ruin a good time but let's just say Morgan loves her family more than she loves ours." " Well, shouldn't she?" " God." "You don't get it." "You have no instinct." "A bear could carry our child off into the woods." "You wouldn't even notice." "Why are you making yourself nuts here?" "I don't get it." "I told you, there's nothing you can do." "Accept it." "This is out of your control." "[SPEAKING IN MANDARIN]" "That's not how you say "I love you" in Mandarin." "I told you, you have to study." "You know I'm doing that semester in Hong Kong." "I told you, if you wanna go to Hong Kong with me, you're gonna have to practice." "FRANKIE:" "Yeah, this time it wasn't in my head." "This time I actually did it." " Oh, my God." "I'm sorry." "I am so sorry." " What did you do?" "What?" "Nothing." "I never tried an overhand before." "It got away from me." "Oh, my God, Morgan, I am so, so sorry." " I'm okay." " Let's get you in the shade." "Oh, my gosh." "Is she gonna be okay?" "She has to be okay." "Come on." "Make a hole, people." "My friend Morgan is coming through." "I knew it." "I'm not proud." "But I sure feel better." "FRANKIE:" "Yep, it was petty and beneath me and it didn't change anything but hey, losing control over your kids is a tough thing to accept as Brick was about to find out." "I told my teacher Scout hatched, and she's making me bring him back." "I'm worried Scout needs me." "No matter how many times I tell him, he keeps running into that fan." "I hear you, honey." "It's tough being a parent." "You watch them make mistakes, and there's not a thing you can do." "Guess that's the only way they learn." "Even though the mom is always right." "You remember that when you're 16." "So, Brick, where is the chick?" "There's a message from Coach Giesken." "You gotta send back your medical evaluation before summer practice starts." "Yeah, I don't know." "Morgan told me I shouldn't play football seeing as how practice might cut into our summer together, so..." "If he doesn't play, he'll never get a scholarship." "With no scholarship, he can kiss college goodbye." "He'll end up in some crappy job, living in our basement eating all our food and stealing beer money." " I don't like her, Frankie." "I just don't." " I know, I know." "FRANKIE:" "I slept surprisingly well that night I think because nature made it that only one parent can worry at a time." "Nature's smart that way." "And the truth is, we didn't have to worry about Morgan for long." "Axl continued to date the love of his life for three more weeks until the new foreign-exchange student arrived from Finland." "Hey." "[ENGLISH" " US" " SDH]"