"Captioning made possible by lions gate entertainment" "I was hitching a ride." "I was looking for my girlfriend, Michelle, who'd just run off with a man called John Smith." "No, really, that was his name." "I knew him." "It was John Smith." "Once at a party he tried to sell me a gun." "And then later, at the vine, he made everyone quiet down for a few minutes because I was singing along with the stereo." "Whoo!" "And he liked my voice." "The traveling salesman had fed me pills that made the lining of my veins feel scraped out, my jaw ached." "I knew every raindrop by its name." "I s..." "Sensed everything before it happened." "I knew a certain oldsmobile would stop for me even before it slowed." "And by the sweet voices of the family inside it," "I knew we'd have an accident in the storm." "I didn't care." "They said they'd take me all the way." "Pretty wet out there, isn't it?" "We have kids so we're not gonna go very fast." "Come and play." "Peek-a-boo." "Peek-a-boo, I see you." "What a pair of lungs." "She shrieked as I imagined an eagle would shriek." "It felt wonderful to be alive to hear it." "I've gone looking for that feeling everywhere." "But I got ahead of myself." "Um..." "Let me start at the beginning." "There were 2 men who got me mixed up with Michelle." "I met the first man with my friends tom and Richard." "I forgot my friends were even with me, but there they were." "And, once again I have to tell you I hated the two of them." "You see, the 3 of us had formed a group based on something erroneous." "Some basic misunderstanding that hadn't yet come to light, and so we kept on in one another's company." "Yeah, anyway, we found the first man, Stan, the one I started to tell you about, asleep in my car." "Who's this?" "Get out of my car, man." "Get out of my car, man." "What do you do in a situation like this?" "Using sign language, Stan led us to a place that stood all by itself out on the old highway." "I've been out on this road more than once, and I never found anything that made me happy." "If you called ahead we would have encouraged you not to bring him." "Anyway, he can't stay." "Tammy doesn't want him here." "Ok, whoever Tammy is." "Now would be a good time to take him out of here." "You should let him stay." "Nope." "Is he really deaf?" "That's a good one." "¶ Oh, sweet pea ¶" "¶ come on and dance with me ¶" "¶ come on, come on, come on ¶" "¶ and dance with me ¶" "¶ oh, sweet pea ¶" "¶ won't you be my girl?" "¶" "¶ won't ya, won't ya, won't ya ¶" "¶ be my girl?" "¶" "¶ I went to a dance just the other night ¶" "¶ I saw a girl there, she was out of sight ¶" "¶ I asked a friend of mine who she could be ¶" "¶ he said that her friends just call her sweet pea ¶ she likes you guys." "Hey, you're a dancer." "¶ Come on and dance with me ¶" "¶ come on, come on, come on ¶" "¶ and dance with me ¶" "¶ oh, sweet pea, won't you be my girl?" "¶" "¶ won't ya, won't ya, won't ya ¶" "¶ be my girl?" "¶" "¶ I walked on over and I asked her to dance ¶" "¶ thinking maybe later we'll be making romance ¶" "¶ but every guy there was thinking like me ¶" "¶ I had to stand in line to get a... ¶" "Wait." "Come here." "Come here." "Come here." "Sorry." "Come on." "Michelle." "Would you get in the car?" "Mcinnes." "Fuckhead." "Fh, narrating:" "I was carrying a gun, but I never would have used it." "It was so cheap I was sure it would explode in my hands if I ever pulled the trigger, so it could only add to my humiliation." "Hey, where's mcinnes?" "How the hell should I know?" "What's wrong?" "Come on." "Hey, we goin'?" "Go." "Go." "Lose him." "See ya." "Ah, shit." "Uh-oh." "Go." "Go." "Go." "Hey, man..." "Lose him!" "Get off my car." "Go!" "Lose him!" "Lose him!" "Do you think he's all right?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "He's fine." "He's just gonna go back to the party." "Don't worry about it." "It's mcinnes I'm worried about." "Mcinnes?" "He caught me kissing Michelle." "Which one was Michelle?" "All our lives clean, with the slate." "We just want you to be ready." "If he wanted to end it, he'd have ended it by now." "Yeah, well, it is hard to know what he's thinking sometimes." "Yeah." "I agree." "But patience is a part of believing, it's a part of this." "And, in the meantime, you prepare." "You wait for the day... hey, can I keep this?" "Uh..." "I've moved around my whole life." "This is the longest that I've lived anywhere, 18 months." "I don't have a job." "No kidding." "I smoke cigarettes." "And you talk nonstop." "No, I don't." "No, usually, I don't." "Except when I'm nervous." "Do I make you nervous?" "No." "No." "Yeah, maybe a little." "I heard about..." "I heard about your boyfriend mcinnes." "I mean..." "I was there." "I know." "I heard you tried to help him." "That you were the only one." "Is that true?" "He..." "He almost made it." "What were you saying before to those jehovah's witness guys?" "Oh." "Look what they gave me." "I was asking them if when we die, if there's an ending to everything we know, and if there is, then why don't we just die now?" "You know, die to everything we know." "I mean, maybe living and dying are the same thing, and maybe the fact that we've turned them into 2 different things is why we feel so lost." "Man." "Wow." "I'm not planning on dying anytime soon, but if I do, I'll sure to come back and tell you all about it." "No, don't do that." "Do us both a favor." "Rest in peace." "Can I kiss you now?" "No." "Sorry, it sticks." "Oops, sorry." "The, uh..." "Kitchen area." "This way." "This is the bathroom." "And..." "Yeah, don't look too close." "Wait." "Whoa, hang on." "Whoa." "Whoa." "Wait." "Wait." "Wait." "Just slow down." "Uh..." "Sorry." "Can we take a second?" "I just..." "Uh..." "It seems kinda fast." "Well, I like it slow." "Hi." "You ever seen anyone shoot up before?" "No." "Fh, narrating:" "I've been staying at the holiday inn with Michelle." "Honestly, the most beautiful woman I'd ever known." "But wait a minute." "I never finished telling you about what happened to mcinnes, did I?" "Or about the 2 men who led me to Michelle." "I never even started describing the second man dundun." "Hey." "Mcinnes isn't feeling too good today." "Mcinnes is here?" "Yeah." "Oh, maybe I'll come back later." "Don't worry." "I just shot him." "Y-you mean you killed him?" "I didn't mean to." "Is he really dead?" "No, he's sitting down now in the front room." "Dundun shot him, huh?" "Somebody shot somebody." "Here." "I don't want it." "Ok." "Well, here, then." "No, thank you." "Aren't you taking him to the hospital or anything?" "We started to." "How you doing?" "I can feel it right here." "It's just stuck in the muscle." "It's not bad." "Oh!" "The cap didn't explode right, I think." "Misfire." "It misfired a little bit, yeah." "Well, how about I take him to the hospital?" "I don't know." "Do you promise not to tell them anything?" "I don't think he hears you." "Tell them it was an accident, OK?" "!" "Promise?" "What do you say?" "W-what do you mean, what do I say?" "You think I'm here because I know all about this stuff?" "He's dead." "All right!" "I know he's dead!" "Throw him out of the car?" "Damn right!" "Throw him out of the car!" "Do you think..." "I'm glad he's dead." "He's the one who started everybody calling me fuckhead." "Don't let it get you down." "What a lousy birthday." "Fh, narrating:" "I don't know, maybe he thought I might say something, but will you believe me when I tell ya that there was kindness in his heart?" "His left hand didn't know what his right hand was doin'." "It's just that certain important connections have been burned through." "If I opened up your head and ran a hot soldering iron around in your brain," "I might turn you into someone like that." "So, there I was, staying at the holiday inn with Michelle for 3 days under a phony name, spending the last of her money." "Michelle loved to stay in hotels." "¶ Yes, I'm ready ¶" "¶ I don't even know how to love you ¶" "¶ just the way you want me to ¶" "¶ but I'm ready to learn ¶ ¶ to learn ¶" "¶ yes, I'm ready ¶ ¶ ready ¶" "¶ to learn ¶ ¶ to learn ¶" "¶ to fall in love ¶" "¶ to fall in love ¶" "¶ to fall in love ¶" "¶ with you ¶" "¶ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ¶" "Christ, you've got a beautiful ass." "I like this ride." "Mm-hmm." "How long have we been here?" "We've got some dope left, too." "I don't care." "I don't care, either." "Fh, narrating:" "And then came one of those moments." "How do you think that makes me feel?" "!" "Huh?" "!" "Hey, you... you kicked me out." "She said I could crash..." "all right." "She said I could crash there, and Tammy's not even your best friend." "I'd say you hardly even know her." "Look, I was getting ready for bed." "I was taking my clothes off so I could go to sleep." "I..." "I wasn't gonna take advantage of anyone." "Ow!" "You can kiss my ass!" "She and you and her and everybody else!" "Right!" "Get out!" "I will... get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Can I have my shirt?" "Wait." "Maybe my jacket, too?" "Hey!" "Where's my money?" "!" "I need cab fare." "We're broke." "Are you just gonna leave me high and dry?" "God, you're so fucked!" "Do you even understand anything?" "No wonder everybody calls you fuckhead." "Fuckhead." "Fuckhead." "You don't need to call me that." "Fuckhead." "Fuckhead, fuckhead, fuckhead, fuckhead." "All right." "Fuckhead, fuckhead, fuckhead, fuckhead!" "Fuckhead, fuckhead!" "Ow." "Oh, no." "Oh, God, come here." "Are you OK?" "Hey, what's up, buddy?" "All right, she's just feeling a little sick." "Bullshit." "You punched her in the gut." "He did." "He did." "He did." "Somebody's going to get hurt over this." "Hey!" "Stop, you stupid fuckin' dick-suckin' bitch!" "Whoo!" "Fuckhead!" "Whoo!" "Whoo." "¶ Cherokee people ¶" "¶ cherokee tribe ¶" "¶ so proud to live... ¶ you..." "I'm fine." "You're the one." "What?" "Last time you were in here, you stiffed me." "No, I didn't." "Yes, you did." "You were with your friends." "They're not my friends anymore." "You owe me 8 bucks plus a tip." "You look very nice in your uniform." "How old are you, about 19?" "Michelle didn't appear to be coming back anytime soon, so I shot the last of our dope and I went to the vine to find..." "Wayne." "Fuckin' Wayne." "Ohh, goddamn it." "Ahh." "Whoo." "Wah." "Ahh." "Hey, uh, how would you feel about making some money?" "Aw, who knows?" "I was just going to, uh, go over in the corner there and nod out." "Well..." "I have decided in my mind that we're going to make some money." "That's the only place you're gonna make some money." "So what?" "I want you to come with me." "What, you mean, you need a ride?" "I got the tools," "I just need your sorry-ass car to get around in." "You know you're bleedin' from the nose?" "We doin' a, um, burgu..." "a burglary?" "Can't burgulate if you got an empty house." "Oh." "This is a salvage job." "This house has a terrible feeling about it." "Don't do that." "Why not?" "It's stupid, that's why." "Sell the copper for scrap." "Ohh." "All right." "Hey, how much money do you think we can make on this?" "Enough to go to bed drunk tonight." "Pipes are dry." "¶ Hang on, sloopy ¶" "¶ sloopy, hang on ¶" "¶ hang on, sloopy ¶" "¶ sloopy, hang on ¶" "¶ yeah, yeah ¶ ¶ yeah, yeah ¶" "¶ feels so good ¶" "¶ come on, come on ¶" "¶ you know it feels so good ¶" "¶ come on, come on ¶" "¶ well, shake it, shake it, shake it, sloopy ¶" "¶ come on, come on ¶" "¶ well, shake it, shake it, shake it, yeah ¶" "¶ come on, come on ¶" "¶ aah!" "¶" "¶ hang on, sloopy ¶" "¶ sloopy, hang on ¶ hey!" "Who owned these houses, do you think?" "This is my house." "It is?" "Was." "All this work is messing with my high." "Can't you find some easier way to make your dollar?" "Move." "What is that?" "That is one beautiful sight." "Yep." "That was my wife." "Fh, narrating:" "As nearly as I could tell," "I'd wandered into some sort of dream that Wayne was having about his wife and his house, but I didn't say anything more about it because, well, after all, in small ways, it was turning out to be one of the best days of my life," "whether it was somebody else's dream or not." "We turned in the scrap wire for over $40..." "Each!" "Who'd you men pull off?" "!" "No one." "We worked." "Buy me a drink, you little crooks." "Nurse?" "!" "Jack Daniels." "And we'll drink to my very favorite person who tends bar." "Ahh." "When you pour, darlin', it's like hittin' the jackpot." "¶ But I ain't never in my life before ¶" "¶ seen so many love affairs go wrong as I do today ¶" "¶ I want you to stop ¶" "¶ find out what's wrong ¶" "¶ and get it right ¶" "¶ or just leave love alone ¶" "¶ because the love... ¶ honey, you got a good face, but you can't sing for shit." "¶ Maybe when... ¶" "What the goddamn fucking piss-hell is that supposed to mean?" "This ain't school." "¶ Listen to me ¶" "¶ I've been pushed around ¶" "¶ and I've been through the last ¶" "¶ and I had to always be the one to smile ¶" "¶ and apologize... ¶ sit down now..." "Buy you a drink." "Fuck you." "Asshole." "Hey, nurse." "All the really good times happen when Wayne's around." "But this afternoon was somehow the best of all those times." "We had money." "We were grimy and tired." "Usually, we felt guilty and frightened because there was something wrong with us and we didn't know what it was, but today we had the feeling of men who had worked." "Oh, yes." "Aah!" "All right, so, great, OK." "So we bought some dope and split it down the middle and then I went looking for Michelle..." "Knowing that when there were drugs around, she surrendered." "Michelle?" "!" "Baby?" "!" "Baby, baby?" "Honey?" "Honey?" "Honey!" "Honey!" "Honey!" "Fuck!" "Oh!" "Honey!" "Honey!" "Honey!" "Honey?" "!" "You fucker!" "Wake up!" "Wake up!" "Baby!" "Baby!" "Baby!" "Baby, sit up!" "Honey, baby." "That's it." "Honey, come on." "Come on." "I think he passed the roses and garbage and purple light and the sorrowful mystery bullshit to whatever's past that." "Michelle..." "Michelle..." "I mean it, baby." "Through the rain and the desert." "Who are you?" "I'm the soul for your soul." "I am your man." "Fh, narrating:" "As for Wayne..." "He died." "I am still alive." "I've been working in the emergency ward for about 3 weeks, I guess." "I'd taken the job because Michelle was pregnant and I was trying to be responsible." "I had nothing to do on the overnight shift, so I went looking for Georgie, the orderly." "He often stole pills from the cabinet." "What am I gonna do about these fuckin' shoes, man?" "Uh..." "Whatever you stole," "I guess you ate it already, right?" "Listen to how they squish." "Um..." "Uh-uh." "Hmm?" "Uh, let me just check your pockets, OK?" "All right." "Yeah." "Eh?" "No." "Oh." "Oh, yeah, I hear something." "Right?" "Yeah." "I hope you didn't do this to him." "Me?" "No, he was like this." "My wife did it." "Who brought you in?" "Nobody." "I just walked down." "It's only 3 blocks." "Ok, we... we better get you lying down." "Ok." "I feel ready for something like that." "Name?" "Terrance weber." "Your face is dark." "I can't see what you're saying." "Georgie?" "What are you saying, man?" "I can't see." "What's going on, Georgie?" "His face is dark." "How long ago did this happen?" "Just a while ago." "My wife did it." "I was, uh, peeping on the lady next door while she was bathing." "My wife waited till I fell asleep and then she decided she'd blind me." "Do you want me to call the police?" "Uh..." "Not unless I die." "Here's the situation:" "We need to get a team here." "Uh, an entire team." "I want, uh... uh, a good eye man, uh... uh, the best eye man, a great eye man." "I want a brain surgeon, and I want a really good gas man." "Get me a genius." "I-I'm not touching that head." "W-we'll prep him, we'll prep this guy and we'll just sit back and sit tight, all right?" "Orderly?" "Orderly?" "Do you mean me?" "Should I get him prepped?" "Is this a hospital?" "Is this the emergency room?" "Is that the patient?" "Are you the orderly?" "Oh, hey." "Hey, uh, we got a guy down here in the E.R. with a knife st... uh, hunting knife sticking into his brain." "Yeah, it's sticking into his brain." "Yeah." "Yeah, the family service doctor is here, but he is, uh, limited, and he says he's not going to touch the head, so we need a great eye man, really quick, like the best that you've got," "and a brain surgeon, and a genius gas man." "Yeah, a real good one..." "Ok." "Ok, yeah, thanks a lot." "¶ You got to get it out tonight ¶ that person is not right, not at all." "Not one bit." "You know, as long as my instructions are audible to him, it does not concern me." "Well, OK, OK." "Don't..." "don't chew my head off." "Ok." "All right, the eye man is on vacation or something, but the operator is calling around to see if she can find someone just as good." "All of the other specialists are hurrying through the night to join us." "Dr. shanis, if you're in the building, please call the nursing station." "What do you got?" "A guy with a knife in his brain." "Oh, boy." "Patient complains of knife in the head." "Stabbing headache?" "Ha ha ha ha!" "Where did you get that?" "Your shoelace is untied." "Oh." "How's the guy doin'?" "Who?" "Well, it's just a miracle he didn't end up sightless or at least dead." "He's not dead?" "No." "His vitals are normal and he still has excellent vision in his one good eye." "So he's alive?" "There's nothin' wrong with the guy." "It's just one of those things." "What do you do around here, anyway?" "I save lives." "I think it's morning." "Do you want me to take you home?" "No, no way." "I feel like a giant helium balloon." "Got to, uh..." "Doctor." "I gotta come down before Michelle sees me." "Come down?" "Then what are you doin' with my stash, man?" "Hand it over." "All right." "Hand it over." "It was just to stay awake." "Try nescafé, dad." "Oh, dear." "¶ She's a jar with a heavy lid ¶" "¶ my pop quiz kid ¶" "¶ a sleepy kisser ¶" "¶ a pretty war with feelings hid ¶" "¶ she begs me not to miss her ¶" "¶ she says forever to light a fuse... ¶ pretend it's the first time." "Like we're new." "Heh!" "Um..." "All right." "Um..." "I know it's kind of fast..." "I really like you." "Um, can we just wait one second?" "Right." "It seems kind of fast." "I like it slow." "I don't care if it takes one second or it takes a million years." "I want to know everything about you." "All of it." "Ask me." "Like, like what do you like?" "Like what?" "Well, like what kind of music?" "James brown." "You in love with me yet?" "Shit." "Shit." "Say it." "Shit, we're in trouble." "Say it." "I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "Love you." "We're wrecking like trains." "I have to hold on to this job." "I have responsibilities now." "We're on the 7-month countdown to the baby." "You should clean out the hospital's speed stash." "That way you could do double shifts." "Me and Michelle are trying to stay clean." "I want to go to church." "You should go to the county fair." "I'd like to worship." "I would." "They have these injured hawks and eagles there from the humane society." "I need a quiet chapel about now." "Whoo!" "That was the worst fair I've been to." "Where were the rides?" "Well, there were rides." "I didn't see one ride." "There was the, uh, merry-go-round, there was a Ferris wheel, and there was a thing they called the hammer that people were bent over vomiting from after they got off..." "Are you completely blind?" "!" "What was that?" "A rabbit!" "Something thumped." "You hit him." "He thumped." "Rabbit stew." "Where's my hunting knife?" "Where's my hunting knife?" "Georgie..." "We'll camp in the wilderness." "In the morning, we'll breakfast on its haunches." "¶ Fighting soldiers from the sky ¶" "¶ fearless men who jump and die ¶" "¶ men who mean just what they say ¶" "¶ the great men of the green berets ¶" "¶ silver wings... ¶ man, I should've been a doctor." "Oh, no way I'm eating those things." "Take 'em." "Take 'em, I gotta drive, take 'em!" "¶ A hundred men will test today ¶" "¶ but only 3 win the green beret ¶" "yeah!" "Ha ha ha!" "We killed the mother and saved the children." "These rabbits better be kept warm." "Oh, yeah!" "Ooh." "Oh, no, they're hardly moving." "You know what we'll do?" "We'll get some milk and sugar and all that." "We'll raise 'em up ourselves." "They'll get as big as gorillas." "Hey, you think the blue ones are downers?" "Yeah, the blues one'll make you nod out, and the yellows'll keep you going for the duration." "Which one do you want?" "I'll take both." "Whoo!" "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" "Do you realize it's going to snow?" "Oh, this beautiful chill!" "This... this... this sudden Christmas!" "The tang of everything stabbing me!" "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" "What's that smell?" "Hey, be careful about the bunnies." "I got 'em, I got 'em." "Ahead, yonder!" "I've never seen this cemetery before." "What cemetery?" "Georgie, can't you see?" "See what?" "God, can't you see?" "See what?" "It's the drive-in, man." "Drive-in?" "They're showing movies, and nobody's even here." "I see." "I, uh, I thought it was something else." "I have to get back." "How far are we from home?" "We're right outside town." "We've just been driving around and around." "This is no place to camp." "I can hear the interstate." "Right over there." "We better get some milk for the bunnies." "No, we don't..." "We don't have milk." "We'll mix sugar up with it." "Uh..." "Just, uh, forget it." "Forget... forget about the milk all of a sudden." "They're mammals, man." "No, forget about the rabbits." "Where are they, anyway?" "You're not listening to me." "Forget..." "About..." "The rabbits." "Where are they?" "They..." "They..." "They, um..." "They, um, they slid around behind me and got squashed." "They slid around behind?" "Oh, man." "Oh, my..." "God!" "Everything is here." "Little feet, eyelids, even whiskers." "Deceased!" "Does everything you touch turn to shit?" "Does this happen to you every time?" "No wonder everybody calls me fuckhead." "It's a name that's going to stick." "I realize that." "Fuckhead is gonna ride you to your grave." "I already said so." "I agreed with you in advance." "Fh, narrating:" "Oh, maybe that wasn't the night" "I rolled over on the bunnies and flattened them." "Yeah, maybe that was another... another time... either way, it doesn't matter." "Wh-what's important for me to remember now is that... that early the next morning the snow was melting off the... the windshield, and the daylight woke me up, and..." "I was gonna be a father." "I was 24, 25, something like that." "My fingertips were all yellow from smoking." "We'd come to Chicago because Michelle was with child." "Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord is with thee." "Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb..." "Jesus." "Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, amen." "Fh, narrating:" "There was nothing stopping Michelle and me from having a baby, except ourselves." "Name?" "Sorry I'm late." "Michelle." "Michelle." "My appointment was at 3:30." "Somewhere around there." "Here you are." "Come with me, hon." "Let's get you settled." "You can't just stand there." "Then I'll go sit down over there." "Mm, that'll be fine." "I know that'll be fine." "Or you can watch the film." "What's the film?" "Vasectomy is a very simple procedure." "It's performed right here in the office setting as a rule." "It, uh, is intended to be a permanent type of a sterilization, and I would hope that that's what you had in mind." "If you are not satisfied that this is..." "I'm not ever getting anybody pregnant again." "I know that much." "Would you like to make an appointment?" "Would you like to give me the money?" "It won't take long to save the money." "It would take me forever to save the money." "Michelle is comfortable now." "Is she dead?" "How you feeling?" "I don't know." "What did they stick up you?" "What?" "What?" "Hey, OK, out of here." "Look, just... just give me a minute." "I'm sorry." "Maybe we could..." "maybe we could try again." "Something is wrong with you." "I don't think this man really needs to be in the building." "I just, um..." "Wait outside, please, sir." "There just wasn't enough time... if you want to go wait outside for her, sir." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Fh, narrating:" "The catholics splashed holy water on my cheek and the back of my neck, and I didn't feel a thing." "Not for many years." "Think of being curled up and floating in a darkness." "Even if you could think, even if you had an imagination, would you ever imagine its opposite?" "This miraculous world?" "The Asian taoists call it 10,000 things." "And if the darkness just got darker..." "And then you were dead..." "What would you care?" "How would you even know the difference?" "You're gonna be so happy when you get there." "Fh, narrating:" "The next morning I got back to the rebel motel, and there was John Smith." "You drive around in this striped, pink car-thing." "It's like a real car, except smaller." "Everywhere you want to go." "¶ Like a man in a trance ¶" "¶ like a man in a trance ¶" "¶ you know darn well ¶" "¶ I know darn well ¶" "¶ that I don't stand a chance ¶" "Get out of my house." "If this is your house, pal, it's no wonder your woman's hitting the road." "What?" "Wait." "Hey, where you going?" "Michelle?" "Mexico." "John's got some work for me." "Oh!" "And there's these birds." "You know those huge, white birds that float around on lakes and stuff like that?" "They're called swans." "Whatever they're called." "They're called swans." "They mate for life." "I don't really give a fuck who they mate for." "Anyway, they're all over the place down there." "It's like a paradise." "Michelle?" "Are you high?" "No." "Yeah, but..." "I need to talk to you." "She's got her future to think of." "John, just keep out of it." "What if you just tried a little harder, huh?" "What if you just try to make it work?" "What if you just pretend that you were the one?" "Don't do this, baby." "Are you gonna answer my question or not?" "What question?" "Fh, narrating:" "There was a guy down near the front of the car, and there was something about him." "I don't know what it was." "I followed him because..." "I don't know why." "I guess he looked lucky." "¶ Satan is real ¶" "¶ working in spirit ¶" "¶ you can see him and dare him ¶" "¶ in this world every day ¶" "¶ Satan is real ¶" "¶ working with power ¶" "¶ he can tempt you and lead you astray ¶" "¶ I attended service at a little church not long ago ¶" "¶ the prayer was led by an old country preacher ¶" "¶ who then raised his hands ¶" "¶ as everyone stood and sang ¶" "¶ my God is here ¶" "¶ but then a little old man stood up and said ¶" "¶ "preacher, tell them that Satan is real, too." ¶ he had a hood on." "They're looking for a guy with a hood on." "What he do?" "Oh, nothing." "Some guy got murdered last night." "¶ You can see him in the destruction of homes torn apart ¶" "¶ I know that Satan is real ¶" "¶ for once I had a happy home ¶" "¶ I was loved and respected by my family ¶" "¶ I was looked upon as a leader ¶" "¶ in my community ¶" "¶ and then Satan came into my life ¶" "Hey." "¶ I grew selfish ¶" "¶ my friends turned against me ¶ you were on the El." "You following me?" "¶ Yes, preacher... ¶" "hey!" "Fh, narrating:" "I took off because my throat was closing up and, suddenly, I had an erection." "I knew men got that way about men, but I didn't know I did." "His chest was like Christ's." "That's probably who he was." "I could have followed anybody off that train, it would have been the same." "Oh, Michelle." "Michelle, Michelle, Michelle, Michelle." "Yeah, for some reason," "Mexico stands out in my mind." "Hello?" "Wait." "Iowa city?" "Fh, narrating:" "Anyway, like I started to tell you before," "I was hitching a ride looking for Michelle." "I'm gifted with love." "I love my kids." "I love all my relatives." "Fh, narrating:" "The pills the traveling salesman had fed me made the lining of my veins feel scraped out." "My jaw ached..." "She's cute." "I knew every raindrop by its name." "I sensed everything before it happened." "I knew a certain oldsmobile would stop for me even before it slowed." "And by the sweet voices of the family inside it," "I knew we'd have an accident in the storm." "It's all right." "You're gonna be OK." "There's been an accident!" "Go for help!" "You smell." "Um..." "So how was Mexico?" "Hot." "But I made good money." "I was gonna go down there and find you, but then I heard you were here." "I was in a bad car wreck." "What?" "Were you driving?" "What difference does it make?" "People died." "I saved the baby." "What are you talking about?" "Nothing." "Forget about it." "Uh..." "I shouldn't have come here." "I'm going." "No." "Come inside." "Really?" "No." "Just wait." "I'm clean." "Look, I can help you." "Fh, narrating:" "We stayed in that place for a week." "We made love in the bed, ate steaks at the restaurant, we fought, cried, begged of one another, forgave, promised..." "And..." "Carried one another to heaven." "All the time, see?" "You're back." "Fh, narrating:" "Then one night, after one of our fights," "I left and walked the streets." "I'm sorry..." "My sweet angel." "I'm sorry." "What?" "Mm, baby..." "Michelle, wake up." "Wake up." "Baby?" "Baby!" "Baby!" "Uhh!" "Uhh!" "Wake up!" "My God!" "Wake up!" "Wake up!" "Come on!" "Hey, wake up." "Hey, do you want to try a pill?" "What kind of pill?" "Um..." "Psychedelic mushrooms, all ground up." "That's the biggest pill I've ever seen." "Look at it." "It's like an egg." "It's like an easter-thing." "Are you hearing any unusual sounds or voices?" "Ha ha!" "Not exactly." "Not exactly." "Now what does that mean?" "I'm not ready to go into that." "It's OK." "You'll be OK." "Gauze." "Ohh!" "Ok, convulsing." "We need an orderly in here, quick!" "Nurse's voice, echoing:" "Quick, quick, quick..." "Don't get tricky with the mustache." "Ok, so far?" "Yeah, so far." "I'll do the other side." "That would make sense, partner." "There are some people out there who would like to know a thing or 2 about you." "Would you describe yourself for those people?" "I don't know." "I'm like a fat piece of shit, I guess." "He's overweight." "I've been shot twice, though." "Twice?" "Yeah, once by each wife." "Total of 3 bullets making 4 holes." "3 in, one out." "And you're still alive?" "Are you kidding?" "No." "Well, that is too bad because it makes you sound awful stupid asking if I'm alive 'cause obviously I am." "Well..." "Maybe I mean alive..." "Careful." "In a deeper sense." "You could be talking and still not be alive in a deeper sense." "Well, there's no deeper shit than the kind we're in right now," "I'll tell you that." "What are you talking about?" "It's great here." "They even give you cigarettes." "Well, they didn't give me any yet." "Oh." "Here you go." "Thanks." "Pay me back when you get yours?" "Maybe." "You got a wife?" "No." "I mean..." "No." "I... but I just can't talk about that right now." "Look, there's no problem." "You don't have to talk about it." "So, what did you say when she shot you?" "I said, "you shot me."" "Both times?" "Both wives?" "Well, the first time I didn't say anything 'cause she shot me in the mouth." "Oh, so you couldn't talk?" "No, well, I mean, I was knocked out cold is the reason that I couldn't talk." "And I still remember the dream that I had when I was knocked out that time." "What was the dream?" "Well, now, how can I explain that to you?" "I mean, it was a dream." "It didn't mean a fucking thing, man." "Anything." "Anything at all." "Well, there is one thing." "Hmm?" "The dream that I had keeps coming back over and over." "And I mean when I'm awake." "Every time I think about my first wife," "I remember that she pulled the trigger on me, then here comes the dream." "Did you ever see that Elvis Presley movie follow that dream?" "Follow that dream, I did see that, and I was just gonna mention that." "You saw that?" "No." "Ok, you're all done." "There was a song, follow that dream, too." "Look in the mirror." "Right." "What do you see?" "How did I get so fat when I hardly eat?" "Is that all?" "Wrecked cars." "Any people in them?" "Yeah." "Who?" "The people are just dead meat now, man." "Is that really how it is?" "How would I know how it is?" "I just got here and it stinks." "Are you kidding?" "Hey, they're pumping halidol by the quart." "It's a playpen." "Yeah, well, I'm older than you are." "You can still go on the wheel a couple more times, you know, and get off with all your arms and legs stuck on right." "Not me." "Hey, you're doing fine." "Hey, talk into here." "Talk into your bullet hole?" "Yeah." "Talk into my bullet hole, and tell me that I'm fine." "Fh, narrating:" "So, that..." "that brings me up to... to Phoenix." "I was a whimpering dog inside, nothing more than that." "When I found a job writing the Beverly home newsletter," "I believed I was happy about it because people... counselors, narcotics anonymous members and such... seemed to think a job was a happy thing." "Not all of the people living at the Beverly home were old." "Some were young, but paralyzed..." "Some weren't past middle age, but were already demented..." "Others were fine, except they couldn't be allowed out on the streets with their impossible deformities." "They made God look like a senseless maniac." "There's a price to be paid for dreaming." "Fh, narrating:" "You and I don't know about these diseases until we get them, in which case we will also be put out of sight." "Well, here he is." "Gotta go." "How's it going?" "Hi." "Here's the, uh..." "There's the next issue." "You know, it's part of your job to touch the residents here." "These people, more than anything, they need to be touched." "Oh..." "Ok." "So, when you say hello to them, be sure to put your hands on them." "Ok." "Ok." "Ok." "Ok." "Ok." "Fh, narrating:" "Each day, on my way to Beverly home," "I'd walk by a row of houses on the way to the bus stop." "And one day I heard the sound of a woman singing." "She must not have understood that somebody might be able to hear her." "¶ Farther along ¶" "I thought of mermaids." "¶ Cheer up, my brother ¶" "¶ live in the sunshine ¶" "¶ we'll understand it all by and by ¶" "¶ often I wonder ¶" "¶ why I must journey ¶" "¶ over and over... ¶" "I used to walk around at night all alone, and, you know, all screwed up." "You know?" "You ever do that?" "You know, walk past the houses with the curtains in the windows and you feel like you're toting a big cart of sins behind you?" "And did you ever think that behind those windows, behind those curtains, that people are leading normal, happy lives?" "Huh?" "Well, that's my goal now is to be one of those people on the other side of those curtains." "Have my own window, you know?" "Hi." "Thanks, Chris." "Thanks a lot for your story, man." "Don't forget, everybody..." "I'll drive." "Is anyone going downtown?" "No, sorry, I'm not." "Are you going home?" "Um, yeah, but I'm stopping by my mother's." "Where you headed?" "Uh, Las colinas boulevard?" "Oh, I'll take you there." "Come on." "So what brought you here?" "You mean to a.A.?" "No, to Phoenix." "Oh, uh, I don't know." "I thought my... a couple of reasons." "For one, I thought my brother was here." "Well, is he?" "Uh, no." "It's right here." "I mean, I don't know." "I don't know where he is." "What was the other reason?" "Uh, my, uh... my girl... my girlfriend's not here..." "around anymore." "I mean, she oded." "Oh, God." "I know what that's like." "It's open." "Oh." "Can you hold this?" "Yeah." "Thanks." "Nurse!" "Here you are." "Let me help you." "Get off the chair!" "Off the chair!" "Get your hands off!" "Ok." "Ok." "Ok." "Help me." "I'm stuck." "All right, there you go." "Off the chair!" "I know where I'm going." "Sometimes her husband came home before I left." "Seeing them in their getup, I understood." "They were amish." "Or more likely mennonites." "What?" "I can't..." "I'm sorry, but..." "I..." "I can't understand." "It's all right, Max." "It's all right." "Here, let go." "All right, fine." "Max got a letter today." "His wife's divorcing him." "She dropped him off here 2 years ago and never came back." "Here." "I think you'd better wait outside." "Come on now." "Let's go inside." "No more pretending for him." "He was completely and openly a mess." "Meanwhile the rest of us go on trying to fool each other." "¶ Farther along... ¶" "¶ We'll know all about it ¶" "¶ farther along, we'll understand why ¶" "¶ Faithful till death, says our loving master ¶" "¶ only a while to labor and wait ¶" "¶ then will our toils all soon be forgotten ¶" "¶ as we sweep through the beautiful gate ¶" "¶ farther along, we'll know all about it ¶ take what you need." "¶ Farther along, we'll understand why ¶" "¶ cheer up, my brother ¶" "¶ live in the sunshine ¶" "¶ we'll understand it all by and by ¶ shit!" "I had one boyfriend who got killed by a train." "His car stalled on the tracks." "And he thought he could get his motor firing before the engine caught him, but he was wrong." "My first husband fell through a thousand evergreen branches in the mountains up around chollo." "He was a tree surgeon, and he crushed his head." "I had a boyfriend in the marines who got it in viet nam." "Well, 2 boyfriends who died in the marines." "Another one named Zack got killed in a one-car accident..." "Right out of basic training." "Almost..." "Every man I've ever loved ended up getting killed." "I told you about my third husband, didn't I?" "The one who almost bought the pet shop?" "He was the one who wrote to me he was going to o.D." "You know, if it wasn't for him dying young," "I probably'd still be out there with that old man." "I was married to a black guy once, but..." "He got shanked in prison." "That means stabbed." "Stabbed to death." "Doesn't it make you grateful because they were people just like us?" "Only unluckier." "Uh, I have an announcement to make..." "And an apology." "Uh, it seems that I forgot, uh, left out, um, somebody's birthday last month." "Uh, Isaac christopherson..." "Turned an impressive 70." "Hoo." "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Many happy returns to you, Isaac." "Uh, there will be..." "Uh, 6 birthday people next month." "6?" "6?" "And watch for the November Beverly home news to find out who they are." "Whoo!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Way to go!" "Whoo-hoo." "¶ Sweet desire can lead the way ¶" "¶ sweet desire can lead the way... ¶ hey, old friend." "Oh, hey!" "¶ That I should go, but you're holding me like ¶" "¶ my lover would do and that ¶" "¶ sweet desire can lead the way... ¶" "hi." "Oh, hi." "How are you?" "I'm fine." "What about you?" "I was..." "I was hoping maybe I'd see you here." "Want this?" "Oh." "Ok, thanks." "Yeah?" "You weren't at the last couple of meetings." "Oh, yeah." "Well, I don't come to all the meetings." "It was really my husband's... my last husband..." "I just come for the support." "Oh." "Oh." "I didn't know." "So how 'bout you?" "How's it going?" "I'm, uh..." "It's all right." "I'm taking a new approach to life." "Um, I'm not stealing." "I'm trying to see each task through to its end, that kind of thing, you know, simple?" "That's good." "Oh..." "Do you dance?" "I mean, do y... would you... do you think you'd like to dance?" "Well, usually, I just watch." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "But OK." "Really?" "Sure." "It's no big thing." "¶ Been such a long, long time ¶" "¶ look like I got you ¶ here the, uh... ¶ Off of my mind ¶ oh, no." "That's OK." "¶ But I can't ¶" "¶ just the thought of you ¶" "¶ just the thought of you ¶" "¶ turns my whole world misty blue ¶" "¶ misty blue ¶" "¶ oh, honey ¶" "¶ just the mention of your name ¶" "¶ just your name ¶" "¶ turns the flicker to a flame ¶" "¶ listen to me good, baby ¶" "¶ I think of the things we used to do ¶" "¶ and my whole world turns misty blue ¶ that's nice." "Just like that." "Damn." "God." "Fuck it." "Oh, as for the mennonite couple after about a month, you could almost say our schedules were coordinated." "I just got so I enjoyed seeing them sitting in their living room talking..." "Or saying grace or eating their supper." "You're not being fair." "I don't wanna talk now." "I was still learning to live sober." "And in fact, I was often confused." "But I was in a little better shape every day." "I was getting my looks back." "And this was, all in all, a happy time for me." "I didn't spend a lot of time there, but I felt about the circular hallway of the Beverly home as I felt about the place where..." "Between our lives on this earth we go back to mingle with other souls waiting to be born." "All these..." "Weirdos and me getting a little better every day right in the middle of 'em." "I had never known..." "I had never even imagined for a heartbeat..." "That there might be a place in the world for people like us." "¶ Farther along, we'll know all about it ¶" "¶ farther along, we'll understand why ¶" "¶ cheer up, my brother ¶" "¶ live in the sunshine ¶" "¶ we'll understand it all by and by ¶" "¶ we'll understand it ¶" "¶ all by and by ¶ captioning made possible by lions gate entertainment ¶ listen, hear that plane ¶" "¶ flies to heaven every day ¶" "¶ passing through the gates ¶" "¶ if you wanna ride this train ¶" "¶ have your ticket in your hand ¶" "¶ before it is too late ¶" "¶ if the world looks wrong ¶" "¶ and your money's spent and gone ¶" "¶ your friend has turned away ¶" "¶ you can get away to heaven ¶" "¶ on this airplane ¶" "¶ just bow your head and pray ¶" "¶ who's got ears that don't hear?" "¶" "¶ who's got eyes that don't see?" "¶" "¶ turn your eyes to the lord of the skies ¶" "¶ take that airline plane ¶" "¶ it'll take you home again ¶" "¶ yeah, to your home beyond the skies ¶" "¶ well, a lot of people guess ¶" "¶ some say no and some say yes ¶" "¶ take some and leave some behind ¶" "¶ then you would surely know ¶" "¶ turn to the airport, go ¶" "¶ to leave this world behind ¶" "¶ just leave this world behind ¶" "¶ who's got ears that don't hear?" "¶" "¶ who's got eyes that don't see?" "¶" "¶ turn your eyes to the lord of the skies ¶" "¶ take that airline plane ¶" "¶ it'll take you home again ¶" "¶ yeah, to your home beyond the skies ¶" "¶ oh, well, a lot of speakers speak ¶" "¶ and a lot of preachers preach ¶" "¶ and you lay their salary on the line ¶" "¶ just bow your head and pray ¶" "¶ it's the only earthly way ¶" "¶ you can fly to heaven on time ¶" "¶ you can reach heaven on time ¶" "¶ your ticket you obtained ¶" "¶ from this heavenly airline plane ¶" "¶ you can leave your sins behind ¶" "¶ you've got to take this flight ¶" "¶ in the daytime after night ¶" "¶ you can't see your way if you're blind ¶" "¶ you can't see your way if you're blind ¶" "¶ who's got ears that don't hear?" "¶" "¶ who's got eyes that don't see?" "¶" "¶ turn your eyes to the lord of the skies ¶" "¶ take that airline plane ¶" "¶ it'll take you home again ¶" "¶ yeah, to your home beyond the skies ¶"