"Look at us, running around." "Always rushed, always late." "I guess that's why they call it the human race." "What we crave most in this world is connection." "For some people it happens at first sight." "It's when you know you know." "It's fate working its magic." "And that's great for them." "They get to live in a pop song." "Ride the express train." "But that's not the way it really works." "For the rest of us, it's a bit less romantic." "It's complicated, it's messy." "It's about horrible timing, and fumbled opportunities." "And not being able to say what you need to say when you need to say it." "At least, that's the way it was for me." "Taxi, taxi, taxi horns." "Fat paddling, awful looking bitch." "Pig face." "I gotta pig face.." "Man boy, little man boy, beady-eyed little man boy." "Beady-eyed little man boy." "I see a beady-eyed little man boy, looking at me." "I got a beady-eyed little man boy, beady-eyed little man boy, looking at me." "You are not a beady-eyed little man-child." " Boy." "It just ain't he sad, okay?" "And that's worse." "I'm like a.." "I am a beady-eyed looking, little man boy that shouldn't wear his sweater vest." "He was a mentally ill standing on a street-corner." "Prissy, exactly." "He had no reason to be polite." "Ok?" "It was like a Toilette-style truth-serum-reflection this guy had, and I was caught right in the crosshairs." "See?" "I can't believe this stuff still bothers you, Wally." "It does." "Now I have some big news." "Can I please?" "I wanna show you something." "First I wanna show you something." "Check this out." "Look at that." "What?" "What is that?" " I seem to have a growth." "Oh my gosh." "You're such a..." "Is that your scrotum?" "It's not a sunset." "You're exhausting." " My health exhausts you?" "We will deal with my death later." " My turn." "See this?" " Yeah." "That's the Dollar in Yen I bought in a week ago." "Good for you." "Now, look it at like this." " Yeah, so anyways." "Now, someone you knew owned this stock." "What advice would you give them?" "I don't.." "I'd go for fundamentals, you know, PE-ratio..." "Just simple, simple, hold or sell?" "You gotta sell them, it's going down." " Exactly." "This Wally, this is what women's fertility looks like after a certain age." "So?" "So I'd like you to be the first to know," "I'm having a baby." " You're pregnant?" "No, not yet, but I'm working on it." "Went to the doctor." "She said all my levels are really great, considering.." "And she said that my cervical mucus is gorgeous, by the way." "Thanks for that." " And uh then she started giving me this lecture about my age." "And I was really startled to hear about timing, and why wait." "And, you know, I just started..." "Would you please stop..." "having sex with the food." "Sorry, you know I don't my own head." "And then then I told myself I can do this." "I have got a... you know, killer new job at the network and I do not need a man to have a baby." "Technically speaking you do, where is all this coming from?" "Is this about Paul?" "Because if it is, why don't you just chalk it up as another one of your disastrous flameouts and move on?" "This has absolutely nothing to do with Paul." "Well I think it does." " And thank you for bringing that up." "All I'm saying is don't kick that can down the road." "You need to look at your relationship instead of biting off the next step." "Deal with the one before." "You know what?" "I'm just tired of thinking about how this is supposed to go." "Alright?" "I'm just ready to do it now." "Life's in session." "Is that from an infomercial?" " No." "Really?" " Yes." "Did you buy the DVD?" "One, but it really is something that resonated with me." "Wally I don't... you know what?" "I'm gonna do this." "I want to have a kid." "And I'm in the market..." "for some... semen." "And.." " And?" "I need you to help me find some." "So what?" "Are you gonna like.. use a service?" "You gonna read resumes?" "You know, all that stuff is crap." "I heard about this woman in Queens." "She thought that she was buying the sperm of an Ivy League athlete and turned out it came from a homeless guy." "Oh, you did not hear that." "Kid turned out homeless." "She tried to sue them, she lost." "You just made all of that up." " Did I?" "Why are you even on this train?" "Cause we're not... we're not nearly done talking about this." "Wally, you're a vortex." "I have four interviews this week." "One of which I'm prepared for." "OK?" "Listen..." "What's wrong with my sperm by the way?" "Your sperm?" " It works." "Nothing." "Ah, ah.." "I'm sure you have.. killer sperm." "You're damn right." "But... you know... we're best friends, isn't that weird?" "That'd be weird." "It is weird." "You're right, okay." " And you know what... what else?" "How do I put this.." "Um..." "Careful." "You're... a little neurotic." " I see." "A little self absorbed, and pessimistic." " I got it." "And I'm not pessimistic." "Sorry, I'm a realist." "Wally, it's not about you, alright?" "And whether you can deal with this or not.." "Oh no... please don't say it." "'Life's in session.'" "She wouldn't know good sperm if it slapped her in the face." "Oh... what does she take you for?" "A eunuch?" "But look, you're jealous;" "it's perfectly normal." "No I'm not." "I'm not jealous." " Big time primal stuff we're dealing with." "Jungle stuff." "And you've every right to be upset." "She put you in the 'friends' zone." "6 years ago, brother." "That's a cold and inhospitable place where your manhood is an endangered species." "And now we're talking about your seed getting devalued by her." "Ooh, that's gotta hurt..." " Hey." "Just so we're clear." "'Cause she did not put me in the 'friends' zone." "We put each other on the 'friends' zone." "It was a mutual placement." "You know that." " Let's be honest with ourselves." "You had your window with Kassie, and you went all 'Wally' on her and you doomed it." "I went what?" "What, what?" "What is that even supposed to mean?" "You shared too much to soon." "Quickest way to kill a romance." "You gotta hide the crazy at least through the appetizers." "I see." "Just so that I'm clear, which one of your 3 failed marriages thought you that lesson?" "All 3, in their special and various ways." " Exactly." "So, ok, I appreciate the kind advice." "But I'm fine." "Are you?" "Are you?" " Yeah." "'Cause I still don't know why the hell you e-mailed me a picture of your armpit?" "I told you I thought I had a growth." "And was it an armpit?" "Oh golly, I hope so." "Please tell me you didn't invite Wally." " Of course I did." "Is he's bringing that internet-girl?" " She broke up with him." "Shocker." "Do you know I've had orgasms that last longer than his relationships." "Would you stop.?" "Sorry." "Ok, here are your talking points minister." "Listen, I know, that..." "that Wally can be a bit blunt, but at least he tells it like it is." "You know what I mean?" "It's like when things get too intimate, he walls up." "But nobody.. there's nobody I trust more." "I mean he always has my back." "Yeah, I get it Kass, he is your BFF." "He's a really good guy." "Totally updatable." "Nobody is totally updatable." "C'mon, I mean, there's gotta be somebody out there for him." "Done." "I hope this party doesn't suck." "You really should've gotten Debbie a gift." "Oh, come on." "It's her 30th birthday." "She's really vulnerable." "Pretending it's actually her 30th is going to be my gift for that old bag." "Hey." "So here's where I'm at." "So I want a donor that I can meet." "You know?" "I want someone whose eye's I can look into." "I want to be able to shake his hand and..." "you can't do that, with a sperm bank, right?" "I also want it fresh, you know?" "I don't really, I don't think I want it frozen." "What's frozen?" " Frozen so refreshing now." "What kinda qualities would you be shopping for?" "Ah... sense of humor is most important." "Why do you women always say a sense of humor is always the most important thing?" "We all know that that's a lie." "OK." "So then height." " No." "But you know, funny.. height.." "Funny height." "C'mon Wally Mars, care you to dance with me?" "No, I'm not, birthday girl." "Everything next tonight, you know." " You're such a buzz kill." "I'm gonna raid your floor." "You think it's such a great job to call'n it over there." "You dressed up for my party." "That's so nice." "You're welcome." " Stripes." "Eh he..." "Ok, who's dancing with me?" ".. that was good.." "a sport film needs." "They really haven't made on honest kick-boxing film yet." "That's so true." "I haven't thought about that yet." "You're absolutely right." "That's.." "Hi." "I'm bored." "Iets get a kebab." "Wally, this is Declan." "He is a writer / director." "Hey double thread." " Hi Wally." "This is Wally, one of my oldest friends." "That's right." " He's an expertise." "Analyst." "Seriously, come with me." " I think I'll stay." "I don't think so..." " What?" "Hey, Wally, you, uh..." "got some stock tips for me?" "Oh Declan." "There are, uh..." "they're gone straight up." "For your advice, go on marching, go struggle on." "Let's do it." "Go struggle on?" " That's right." "Really?" "You always tell me to get out." "Change of plans, let's go." " Sure did fast." "One second, ok?" "Oh boy, see that you just got finger gunned." "I heard it." "Come on..." "What?" "He's married." " Divorced." "He's lying." " How do you know that?" "Because there's a tan line on his finger where he's ring should be." "What?" "Tell me you're not thinking this guy's a donor, are you?" "Alright, you know what?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "I still might do it." "What are you talking about?" "Whose side.. you outta your mind?" "You're gonna let captain douche be the father of your child?" "That just locks it up for you?" "I don't know yet." "I don't know yet." "I tell you what, you're on your own." " Oh yeah?" "Ok." "Wally.." "Wally" "Wally" "Declan, Declan..." "Kassie has left." " What?" "Kassie had to go." " Where?" "She's knew a dealer's house." "Okay?" "Now this guy's a little bit of a paranoid." "Excuse me." "She went by herself." "She's gone to pick up some drugs, alright?" "Some ecstasy, bro, and some Viagra, alright?" "And she digs you." " Hah, she digs me." "Bet your ass she digs." "It's on." "It's on like Donkey Kong." "It's actually what she want me to say to you." "Those exact words." "This street address, love shack." "And you gotta go right now." "Go." "Seriously." "Tell her she's safe for two, okay?" "Wally" "You sent him to Washington Heights?" "Harlem's too judgelike, I had to go higher." " Wasn't even gonna go through with it." "It's just an idea." "You know, one you let it breath." "What's wrong, why are you so Marred lately?" "I haven't." "Yeah, you have." "I don't think you should do it." " What?" "The whole baby thing." "Oh Stop it." " It's not right." " Wally, Stop." " It's not natural." "What if you meet someone tomorrow." "Alright." "Or like 6 months from now." "You guys fall in love." "By the time you realize it, it's too late." "Why is it so hard for you to except?" "Look, I'm not gonna wait around for some version of this that might never happen." "Ok?" "Look." "This wasn't my plan either." "I didn't grow up in Minnesota dreaming of the day that I was gonna put a hat out for sperm donor on Craig's list." "But I'm here." "And it's happening." "And it's scary." "I can't count on you." "I can't..." "I can't ask for your support without you stealing out constant judgments." "You're supposed to be my friend." "Well, yeah." "I think we should take some time." "I think we need a timeout." "How do you learn how to speak mommy, huh?" "Taxi..." "See you later." "I'm not just your friend, Debbie is your friend." "Look at you." "Is someone chasing you?" "Dude." " Don't." "Let me guess, Kassie issues?" " No." "No, it's no issue." "We just haven't seen each other for a week." "She sais she wants a timeout." "Timeout?" " Yeah" " Timeout?" "What are you, 6?" "You can show you hem crackers." "Grown ups don't go on timeouts." "Grown ups have sex with their relieve friends, Mars." "You're eating chocolate bar on 2." " Its not on 2." "Certainly not on 2." "I need to stir energy." "And I'm in the fat burning zone." "You're burning muscle." "This is how you burn fat." "Aloha" " Hi" "Ehh... sweet." "good, your busy." "Ok." "This is confusing." "One more please." "I got it." "Cool, if I did this by myself?" "Thinking about your eyes." "Hey Wally." " Hi." "Want me to top, huh?" "No. no, no, thank you." "I will stick to the hard stuff tonight." "So hey, who does this?" "A party for insemination?" "Is there even a doctor here, Debbie?" " Yes." "Dr. Ollinson." "That guy?" "Feel like practice out of a camper?" "He is progressive." "This whole night was my idea." "It's how everybody is doing it these days." "Kassie is gonna go in the other room." "We're all gonna leave." "And she's gonna like.." "do the deed with this big baister." "Shouldn't that be cleaned or something?" "Why is it here?" "I'm messing with you." " Debbie, knock it off." "She's gonna use a medical device." "But you know, it's basically the same thing." "Charming." "Wally, what is wrong with you?" "You have like this, this negative, always negative ions, that pop off like flies." "You try this, it will make you less anxious." " What's this?" "I stole them from my mother." "They're herbal." "But they might as well be pharmaceutical." "If I take one you walk away?" "I should change the guacamole." "You know it goes like from green to brown." "Like eh.. that putrid, kinda like your sweater." "nom nom nom" "This is a strange one." "Only Kassie would do it like this." " Yeah." "Kinda knew it that well." " No?" "Can I get you a drink?" "Yes you sure can." "Thanks Bartender." "I'm Wally." " Roland." "I'm the donor." "Yeah, Roland the donor." "I am Wally the best friend." "Kassie's best friend." "Well, that's ok." " Great." "Feel like the prized hog." "Bet you're used to that, huh?" "Hey, let me ask you a question." "Why you doing this?" "We could use some money." " We?" "Yeah, my wife and I. She is right over there." "Wow, she is beautiful." " Yeah, thank you." "She is the love of my live." "She is my soul mate." "Oh man." "Is she the wind under your wings?" " Yeah." "I get it." " Yeah." "So I guess it's a little tough on a teacher salary." "I have a sister-professor at Columbia." "Teach course on feminist literary tradition." "That right?" " Yeah." "It's game time." "Your ready?" " Eh, ok." " You got a nice room." "With everything... well, you know." " Duty calls." "Good talking to you, Wally." "Make way." "It's happening people." "Hi." " I just met your Viking." "Gorgeous, isn't he?" " Yeah, delicious." "What's going on right here?" "Truth?" " Mh-hm." "I'm freaking out." "I really thought that throwing a party would, you know, make it fun, but it's.." "it's just really depressing." "Come on." " You think I'm crazy, don't you?" "I think that you wanna have a child, and I think that's natural." "You're not nuts." "You're okay." "Thank you." "You get it, don't you?" " I get it." "You get it." "Ok, where is my crown?" "I gonna be fine." "Well, still little' emotional." "Crown looks fantastic." " Bye." "Okay guys." "Are you all ready?" "Before we get on to the nitty gritty and kick you all out." "I just wanted to make a toast to our donors, Roland." "Yeah." " Roland, where are you?" "Right there." "There he is." "How did it go in there?" " Debbie." "I also wanna make a toast to our Kassie." "Why we're all here." "You're in inspiration to all of us." "You're taking the bull by the horn." "Your Venus, and we're doing it." "To Kassie." "It's amazing." "We're doing it by ourselves." "Oh my God." "You're kidding." "A bailer..." "Let's dance" "I'm in here." "Use the other bathroom." "Kassie..." "Is someone in there?" " I'm in here." "Sorry." "My head, please." " You're fired." "Your falling apart." "What the hell was that last night?" "What're you talking about?" "That you arrived at 3 hours in the morning drunk?" "Wait, what?" "I stayed at your place last night?" " Yes and talking some scary mumble-jumble." "I had nightmares after that man." "What?" "What was I saying?" " I don't know." "Somewhat wild blabbering about uh..." "risky trade," "Vikings." "I don't know, music that was vile and sinister." "Very dark, really." "Very disturbing." "I launched you into a car pretty quick." "40 bucks, my treat." "Leonard I don't remember any of that." " What?" "." "How can you not?" "You don't recall one point barking out the name Diane Sawyer." "Diane Sawyer." "You remember that?" "At all?" "Diane Sawyer from Good Morning America?" "Yeah." "By the way, she' always been quite calmly, hasn't she?" "Creamy complexion, hmm." "I think she was a Miss uh... something rather..." "I went to Kassie's party and after that..." "I guess I must have blacked out." " Blacked out?" "Yeah." "Well you threw up in my hallway like a collage girl." "You seriously don't remember?" "Any of it?" "No, zero." "Well, I'm telling you, you need help." "How do you do?" " Good and you?" "Diane Sawyer" "Ehh, do we have to see the second act?" "Oh, come on, it gets better." " Do you Promise?" "They're not even making the joke." "I mean it's really unbelievable." "What is this guy trying to proof?" "Kassie" " Oh please." "I thought it was extremely powerful." "It's not powerful." "It's like introducing a new character, you know, uh..." "A very small unsettling, uh..." "character that, uh... you know..." "Frankly..." " I'm pregnant." "That's gonna make the king much less inclining to hear this guy out?" "You know he's not wearing any pants." "It's unnecessary." "Did you hear what I just said?" "Yeah" "She went on to tell me that she was moving back home to Minnesota." "Something like a better place to raise kid, and loving grandparents." "It really ruined the second act for me which is bummer because I had to say the naked guy ended up killing a bunch of people and I got pretty good." "Two weeks later, Kassie left." "She got little chocked up as the moving vans pulled away." "Probably sensing what a gigantic mistake she was making with her life." "She bought me an erdel terrier." "I had my floors redone after 1 months." "What are people seeing in dogs and worse in babies?" "We promised to stay in touch, but who are we kidding." "She was a single mom and I lived in New York." "There were Christmas cards and e-mails, but not much else." "And after 7 years, two failed relationships 1 stock market crash, and numerous blind dates, there I was." "Right where Kassie left me." "You know, when my friend told me you were still single, I couldn't believe it." "Yeah." "You gonna try to take me off the market when the first date pull in?" "Yes, I am thinking a June wedding?" " We move out to the suburbs." "New Jersey?" " Great, easy commute." "Of course, I have to work a ton to afford that second house." "Although that could end up just being an excuse." "I might just be hiding from the ever-growing tedium of New Jersey's drudgery." "Which will create some sort of resentment in you." "But you know, see what kinda person would internalize that, right?" "Would act out in some sort of self-destructive manner, later." "That's me." "And I'm the kind of Person that would blame myself for that." "Probably end up scheduling even more work out of town to deal with the guilt." "Course once I'm out of town stuck in a hotel," "I gotta masturbate incisively on the internet and you're probably back home with some afternoon drinking problem." "And a pathetic 50-year old bachelor wearing 300 dollar jeans in a turnpike man club." "Speaking of women like... should not be speaking to because they're too young." "Or it could work out great." "Unbelievable." "What was I thinking?" "Just shut up and smile." "No good ever comes from you talking." "You have 1 unheard message." "Hey Wally, it's Kassie." "Guess what?" "We are moving back to New York." "I got an amazing offer from ABC and I found a great school for Sebastian." "He's already polishing his accent." "Now call me, this is very exciting." "Ok, bye." "Well listen." "After dinner maybe we should go by that wine bar we loved to hang in." "You know I think that cheesy old waiter who always hit on you," "I think he's still alive." " Oh God, how old is he?" "150 by now?" "Actually, Sebastian prefers only hard alcohol." "Sebastian, huh?" "Not... not just gonna be you and me." " You don't wanna see him?" "Come on." "And you know what?" "You should actually get him something." "Like little..." "little gift." "Nothing big." " A small gift, nothing big, uh?" "Okay, well, I get him, um..." "I get him... how about I get him like a little basketball?" "Actually you know, he is not that athletic." "Than what should I get him?" " He collects picture frames." "Picture frames?" " Yeah." "It's weird." "I know." "And he does it with the pictures in it." "Oh wow." "That's very unusual Kassie." "Debbie's here, she says hi." "So listen." "I will see you tonight." "Wally, thank you for rejecting my friend request." "Did you get that?" "You could tell Debbie, that it was all part of my master plan to get her completely out of my life." "Right." "I can not tell her that." "Yeah, alright." " Okay, see you later." "Okay." "Hello, I'm looking for a young lady that um... oh right there." "Pardon me, miss." "Hi." "You look great." " Look at you." "Who took over dressing you?" " Nobody." "I like it." "How's Sebastian, where is he?" "He's over there, but listen if he's a little strange, is just he's having some adjustments issues to the moves." "But he's watching the fish." "I think he's gonna be just fine." "Matthew, come on son." "We go." "I think I have Cyclonic Disorder." "I looked right at the shark and felt nothing." "Honey, I don't what that is, but I'm sure you don't have it." "Sweetie, this is uncle Wally." "Say hi." "Hi." " Hi Sebastian." "Cyclonic Disorder:" "Emotional ups and downs, hyperactivity, loss of interest, pleasure, lack of sexual drive" "Ok, was I not clear about web?" "Sebastian now look, Wally has got a gift." "Let's see what he got you." "Yes, I do." "Take a look at this." "So sweet, Wally." "Oh wow." "It is a one of silver edition." "Where is the picture?" " What picture?" "The one that comes with the frame." "It's the most important part." "What?" " This frame is used." "Say thank you." "Thanks." " You got it." "Look at this." "Okay guys." "Here's a big surprise." "I called ahead on the phone and preordered this." "Are you ready for the best duck in the while wide world?" "Huh?" " I can't eat duck." "What do you mean you can't eat duck?" "Wally, do you know what they do to ducks at the Waterfowl farms?" "No, sweaty, I think that's the veal." "No, I've read about the ducks too." "They force feed the ducks." "7 pounds of food a day." "A plastic tube get jammed down their throats." "I've called on phone, I've preordered it." "The ducks get this liver disease called lipomatosis and can't walk." "Nature is in a crisis and there is only one mammal to blame." "What's going on here?" "What you got?" " He's stubborn." "Hey guess what." "It's cost me 84 dollars and it's gonna be about the best culinary treat you've ever head." "I won't do it uncle Wally." "And I'll hate you, if you do." "Ok, let's not." "We don't say 'hate', sweaty." "We don't say 'hate'." "Okay?" "We can have rice with soy sauce?" " Great, rice with soy sauce." "It's a great compromise." "Uncle Wally loves rice." "He likes you." "You're kidding, right?" " No, that's like for him." "Hey listen, would you do me a favor?" "Would you watch him for a couple of hours this weekend?" "I don't think..." "See, I have to go to a parent, uh orientation thing in his school, and you'd really help me out." "I also think it would be good for you guys to spend some time together." "You know, a little..." "get to know tea time." "Hi.. excuse me." "Soda on the rocks for myself and uh..." "Sorry about that." " Don't worry about it." "I'll expense it." "I just cut it out and put it my cereal, it's better than bananas." " Oh, that sounds delicious." "That is sort of shaped like a banana, it look's like something nice." "Honey stay close." "Isn't he great?" "Oh gosh." " Thinks I'm a lesbian." "What?" "Because the only mothers he knows with seed guys or fathers or lesbians." "Mom... can I go in?" " No, sweaty we gotta get home." "He's so smart and willful." "And he considers everything." "And it's just never boring." " He went in." "I know, he does that." "What's a seed guy?" "That's his part of the birth story." "This should be good." "That's the story I've been telling him, about how he got here." "Told him that mommy didn't have a husband." "But wanted you so very, very, much, that she couldn't wait another day." "Then so, she went to the doctor and the doctor said:" "If you go out into the world and look very, very, hard you will find a very special person, who if you ask very nicely will give you seeds, so that I can plant you in my tummy." "Got it." "I... you know," "I've read all the books about how you're supposed to talk about this stuff and until it happens nothing can prepare you for the day when your kid comes home crying out of school because some ass called him a science experiment." "Ok, I'm gonna go in..." "Who was that?" " A text, a text from Roland." "Who is Roland?" " The seed guy." "The donor." "You still talk to him?" " Yeah, I called him when I got back." "Why, what for?" " Well, there is a reason..." "I didn't want the donor to be anonymous." "So when Sebastian's started asking questions, I would have answers." "And I'd like to get to know this guy." "You know?" "Someday I think I'd like him to meet." "What's Mrs. Roland thinking about all this?" "There isn't a Mrs. Roland." "They got a divorce." "So, I'm very sorry to hear about your divorce by the way." "Ah, thank you." "Don't worry, it's a..." "I won't get into all of the marriage ended." "I don't wanna bore you with the details of how she cheated on me." "Just say it's gonna be a long time before I can trust anyone involving the instruction of calories." "Just, leave it at that." "Yeah, ok." "Fair enough." "So, listen." "You're under no obligation to do anything." "And I know didn't expect to do anything other than, you know, donating, the.. which, you did so wonderfully, by the way." "I don't mean that.." " Kass" " You know what I meant." "I just meant for future down the road, if he starts to ask questions.." "Kass" "I was honored to receive your call." "Really?" "I always wondered about this, you know, him and and you and how it turned out, I mean, you know..." "Roland, would you like to see a picture of him?" "I would love that." "Let's see." "He's beautiful." " Isn't he?" "I gotta say Kass," "I see a lot more me in him than you." "And I didn't get to say this to you back then, but I really respect you, you're choice in doing this the way that you did." "It took a lot of guts." "It was courageous, and I simply don't see that out there." "What?" " No, nothing it's just..." "It's really kind thing to say." " What's true.." "Well this went a lot better than I've expected." "Yeah, for me too." " Yeah." "I've always found Penguins a bit of a mystery." "I think puppets are a mystery." "I'm having a birthday party." "Oh yeah?" "You enjoy that." "There's gonna come a time in your live when you're not gonna want people to notice it's your birthday." "Why wouldn't anyone want people to know about their birthday?" "Because getting old sucks." "Most people don't accomplish what they hoped to and then they realize that they're most likely not going to." "They end up living this quite life of denial, and, you know, brushing birthdays under the rug just becomes a big part of that." "Do you ever get scared that you can have Parkinson's disease?" "Not specifically Parkinson's, but I'm not gonna lie, I had my doubts of hypochondria." "What's that?" "That's thinking you have diseases that you don't really have." "Oh my God, I have that." "You wanna tell me about your new school." " Why?" "Because you're a kid and have nothing else to talk about?" "Well..." "I don't wanna talk about it." "What's his name?" " Aaron O'Conner." "Aaron O'Conner." "How did you know?" " Cause I've been there." "You went to PS66?" " No, the proverbial there." "You know, you gonna have to stand up to him sooner or later, right?" "I don't want to." "Well, he's probably gonna kick your ass." "You're alright with that?" "But he's bigger than me." "And he knows karate." "Oh, he's a karate guy..." "Well then just, uh... tell you what." "What you do is, you act crazy." " What?" "Yeah, you act crazy." "Alright." "No one messes with the crazy guy." "Just look at him like you just don't give a F..." "Fonoin" " Like I don't give a fonoin?" "That's right you don't give a fonoin." "You don't care what happens to you, okay?" "Just like your insane." "Crazy people are wild cards:" "Very unpredictable, you never know what they gonna do next." "Makes people very scared." "Scares even Aaron O'Conner." "Okay?" " Okay." "He looks just like you." " He's not my son." "How old is he?" " I think he's 5." "Well, he's a little you." "Hi, come here." "We went to the zoo and it was really fun." "Really?" "Oh my God, that sounds like so much fun." "Wally showed me the whole park." "Could you pick up the bag?" "Yep." "Alright, so, here's what we got." "If you go with the cowboys again, that means, that in your dreams, you gonna travel to the Plaines of Colorado and your gonna herd cattle." "But I don't wanna kill any Indians." "Wait, don't have to kill any Indians honey." "What about if I go with the astronauts?" " Okay." "If you go with the astronauts, that means you're gonna travel to the Moon and you will be driving on the Moon in one of those really cool buggies that has a flag coming out of the back." "I think I will go with the astronauts." " Good choice." "Let's get you in bed." "Oh my Lord, to the Moon we go." "We have to decide, who's gonna be sleeping with Sebastian tonight." "Duck, or an unfortunate chicken?" "The chicken." " The chicken." "Ah, poor dead chicken." "God, he's exhausted." "What did you do to him." " Did you finally get him to pass out?" "Yeah, I did." "What you looking at?" "Looking at some really weird pictures for some reason you keep." "Like this one, that was not a great choice." "I ah.." "Fabulous choice." "What do you mean?" "And how odd, that you really the only one not in costume." "So not like you." " If I had bunny-ears like that," "I would've worn it." "It was our 2nd date, right?" " Yes, I think you're right." "And didn't you make us dance to CC Music Factory this whole party?" "I think you do." "I do believe I did make us do that." "Yeah, they were like your favorite band back then." "You were like a CC super fan." " That's right, I was." "And, you kissed me at this party, I think." "Didn't kiss..." "I was in character." "I was a playboy bunny." "Please." "Big kiss." "You remember that you..." "that you disappeared on me that night." "You were supposed to take me home." "Me heading for the hills when things get a little too intense, doesn't sound like me." "Wasn't this the trip that I was supposed to go on, but I didn't go on?" "Wasn't it your 3rd, ehm.." "Mom." "I think I wanna herd cattle." "I'm gonna.." " I gotta go, get in my PJ's too." "I'll call you in the morning." "Hey Leonard, Wally here." "Listen." "I'm freaking out a little bit." "Yeah, I know.." " Hallo.?" "Yes, what is it?" "Are you leaving, you want me to call you back?" "Not at all, I'm fine." "Tell me what you're freaking out about." "Well, just that I think that.." "That somehow.." "Okay, stay with me here." "I've been hanging out with Sebastian a lot the last couple of weeks, and, and, there's these similarities, and..." "and coincidences, that I mean I gotta..." "I gotta run this stuff like Kassie, she's a..." "What's the matter?" "Here comes the crazy." "Somehow..." " Yes?" "It's like this kid is mine." "It's more me, than the Viking." " The kid might be yours?" "Vaguely, I don't know why, vaguely, what you're saying..." "Where are you now?" "Come over here, why don't ya?" "Hang on." "Why wouldn't you tell me that before?" "Because, don't get mad at me." "Because, I..." "I..." "Y..." "You never needed my help before this." "I'm giving you everything I have." "This was seven years ago." "You were so drunk and talking gibberish." "I didn't know that trading Diane Sawyer to the Vikings meant anything to anybody." "What does it mean?" " What does it mean?" "Roland is the Viking, the Viking is a Roland." "Don't you see what that means?" "Dude, who is Roland?" "." " Kassie's donor is Roland." "Roland's the Viking." "He's the donor." "I'm sorry if I didn't tell you that." "Ok, well ok." "So, what you're saying is that um... he's the donor and there was a trade made." " Yeah." "Ok, what kind of trade?" "Who for whom, or who?" "Oh my God, holy shit." "I mean you don't think that I could've, that I..." "Your what?" "Your what?" "Help me out here." "That I could have traded the Viking's ingredient for my..." "Wow." "How would..." "how would that even occur?" "Was there, I'm trying to picture, was there access to, uh his ingredients?" "I don't even know." " Was there access, I mean, I don't know..." "Oh Jesus, I'm getting a bad feeling about this." "Yeah, I think that there was access." "It's starting to come back?" " Yeah, there was access, oh my God." "I don't like where this is going." "" " Oh my God, I got," "I got, I think, I got Sawyer in the bathroom I think." "Kassie knows Diana Sawyer, or invited her somehow?" "Oh my God." "I switched it." "Ey." "Auu that's gut." "You switched really?" " I've hijacked Kassie's pregnancy?" "Auu that's ill advices." "How do I not remember that?" "Well, because you were horrible drunk" "You repress everything, you know.." "I told you about hungry dogs in the cellar." "You know, if you don't feed 'em, you don't acknowledge them, some point, they're gonna get out somehow and do something unsavory." "Exhibit A." "Oh God, am I a horrible person?" " No" " Oh Leonard, I gotta go tell her." "Oh no, no, no, no." "Telling Kassie?" "." "Aww that's.." "Well yes but.." "that's so challenging, so delicate." "It's the right thing to do, alright Leonard?" "Yeah maybe." "But don't you wanna talk to a lawyer first?" " No, no, no lawyer, I will tell her." "Yeah, okay, but before you go though..." "Um..." " Okay..." "If this is true, you have great news." "Congratulations, you're a father." "That's not helpful." "Hi Wally." "Hey buddy." "What are you doing awake?" "Insomnia" " Where's your mom?" "In her bath." " Mom, Wally's here." "Hey, what are you doing?" " Watching TV." "No, you're not." "Actually you're just switching the channels." "No, I'm watching all the shows at once." "Hey." "Listen, we gonna have to do this better, ok?" "Cause we'll be in each others life for a long time." "Why are we gonna be in each others lives for a long time?" "Because I uh..." "Because I'm friends with your mother." "Well, that doesn't mean you're friends with me." "So give me the clicker." "Yes." " No." "Yes." " No Sebastian." "Yeah." " No." "Yeah." " Wally?" "Yes?" " What're you doing?" "I need to talk to you." " Okay." "Outside." "I'll be right outside." "All the way outside?" " It's better." "Just.. almost there." "So, uh..." "listen." "I don't know how to say this." "I'm just gonna start." "Your the most important person in my life." "Yeah?" " Um..." "It's difficult." "It's like the hardest thing I ever had to say to anyone." "Cause you know I would do anything for you Kassie." "We've known each other for such a long time." "The last thing I wanna do is loose you." "Okay?" "But.." "Some things just have to be said." "You know?" "Even if they are uncomfortable." "Stop, Wally." "I think I know what you're gonna say." "I don't think you know what I'm gonna say." "Wally." "Since I've been back." "We've known each other for such a long time." "Clearly we've missed each other." "I would be lying if I said I didn't realize that there was a definite, you know, energy between us." "I mean sometimes, you know, sometimes I feel it too." "Energy?" " Yeah." "I mean, that's what your trying to tell me." "You have feelings for me." "Right?" " Not exactly, but.." "Oh my God." "What.." "You know what?" "I" " I'm just really." "It's complicated Wally, I'm like..." "This work, and I'm sorta in this Roland thing." "I'm sorry." " What?" "You know what?" "Let's just..." "Let's good night it." "Again, I'm sorry." "And uh..." "You get it..." "You get it." "Sebastian, please open the door." "No." " Roland thing?" "Oh such a not good time, not a good time." "Sebastian." " What Roland thing?" "We've just been spending some time together." "Like dating?" " Yeah, I guess.." "Did he meet Sebastian?" " Sssh." " Does Sebastian know...?" "No." "I've set specific rules." "Sebastian just doesn't like when I'm with anybody." "So that's why he's doing this." "Sebastian." " Where did Roland take you?" "A reading." " Like a book reading?" "Would you please?" "What was this reading about?" " I don't know, it was about a kayak." "Sebastian..." " Isn't it a great day?" "." "Open this door right now." "Open it yourself." "You both are driving me crazy." "She's mad." "She's got a boyfriend." "Few dates will make it over." "I'm 6 by the way." " What's that?" "You told the lady on bus I was 5." "But I'm not." "I'm 6." "My birthday's soon." "I wish you would come to my party." "Yes Sebastian, I will be there." "Hey." " Hi." "How are you?" " Good." "Can we talk about the other night?" "I haven't been able to sleep." "The energy thing." "Wally, can we just please forget that, forget all about.." "That's what I'm talking about..." "Well, that's a party." "Who says a small wall can't be intimidating?" "We just ah.." "Wally, you remember Roland?" "Babaganoush." " Babaganoush." "Yeah babaganoush all over your shirt." "Kassie's party a few years back." "You were hysterical." " Yeah." "What a memory" " Thank you." "Where is Sebastian?" "I wanna give him this gift." "He's right over there." "Really?" "Seriously?" " No." "Hey, let me take that for you." " It's okay, I got this." "No, come on, I put it with the rest of the gifts." "Okay." " Gift's ahoy." "Roland's here." "And in charge of the gifts." "What you got under it?" " What?" "Rock climbing outfit" " Is it?" "Yeah, Roland got it for me." "Listen, be nice." "Pretty aerodynamic, a lotta wind up there?" "Can you..." "You look fantastic." " I don't wanna climb the wall." "What?" "No." "But I..." "I promise, you it's gonna be fun." "I don't think so." "Sebastian the whole reason we're having the party here, is to climb the wall." "We don't want the wall to go away so, now do we?" "You feel it?" "So, where did Sebastian really wanna throw his party?" "A kill shelter." " A kill shelter?" "I think a last stop dog shelter before they, you know, anyway.." "And he thought it would compel people to save dogs, but.." "Smart." " But this is good for him, it get's him active and athletic." "What is he doing?" "Get me down." " Sebastian, that's too high." "Mom." " He's up too high." "Just let go of the wall man, the harness will hold you." "Just do what he says." "Just let go." " But what if it breaks?" "." "The most important thing is to have fun." "Yes." " I don't want to." "Listen, you're gonna be okay pal, just count to 3 and let go." "I'm scared." "I got this." "I'm coming buddy." " It's not Everest, chief, relax." "I got it guys." " Get away from me." "I got you." " No." "You okay." " I'm scared." "I'm gonna help you." "I got him." "Let go of me big monkey." "Let me go." "Stop." "I hate that stupid wall, and this is the worst Birthday Party ever." "Mommy, I don't wanna be here." " Oh baby, are you okay?" "You're fine." "You're okay, I'm sorry." "Let's go honey." "Let's wash you up." "Boy." "Not a fortunate one for you, buddy." "He'll be alright." "Yeah." "Yeah, I don't know you very well." "What you say we have a drink after this?" "Alright." "It's just the most beautiful place on earth." "Have you ever been in Michigan Wally?" "I've been to Detroit." "I'm talking about the upper peninsula." "I got a little cabin there on an island." "Been in the family for 30 years." "Yeah, I figured taking Kassie there in a few week." "I know it is early, but..." "I'm really feeling it." "What do you think?" "You want another beer?" "No, no, thank you." "You sure?" " Yeah." "And... and... and and I do have to go." "Listen, I'm so happy that we did this." "Kid hates me Wally." "No, I don't think Sebastian hates you" "No, he does." "He told me a couple of times." "It's just man, he's got some..." "Rough edges?" " That's it." "I mean he worries a lot, questions everything." "He's really..." "Neurotic?" " That's the word." "So what's the problem?" "Well, I don't really relate to that." " Well..." "Neurotic is simply an intense form of introspection, okay so, you're basically calling him introspective." "And being introspective is good." "Okay..." "You walk around with an opinion, with a point of view." "That's some sort of nice kinda direction." " You got it too." "What are you talking about?" " Those rough edges." "Hey, don't get me wrong, it's beautiful." "Thanks." "Hey, what's not beautiful to you?" "You see?" "You did it again." "That's it." "You got that focus." "But that's how we are alike." "We are both determined." "Sebastian may be resistant to me, but I'll get through." "Life throws you curve balls." "That's for sure." "A few months ago I was planning on having children with a women who I'm pretty sure I'll never see again." "A few months ago?" "Yeah." " That's it, huh?" "But now I'm crazy about women who paid me for my sperm." "How 'bout that curve ball?" "Bam." "Sebastian's gonna get through this." "We're gonna let this stay." "He doesn't need to have this..." "dark cloud hanging over his head." "What do you think?" "You want another beer?" "Oh man, the guy was just, he just, would not stop." "He just kept going and talking and talking." "He thinks it's his kid." "He thinks he's my best friend." "Wants me to give him advice on how to be a better father to my son, you know." "It's just like a nightmare." "He's e-mailing me, he's smiling at me, all the time, he's hit me with his big teeth, you know." "Wants me to go fly-fishing with him." "Yeah, and why, I don't understand, why are we here?" "I gotta exchange frames." "Sebastian wants one from the new line that's starling silver.." "Well, it's so nice that you're taking interest in his hobbies, but, um, I think the first order of business, is for you to take care of this thing with Kassie." "Why..." "why are we waiting?" "Why the wait?" " Please, I know that." "Alright?" "And I've been trying to do that." "Everything's all turned around now." "Turned around." "I..." "I..." "I'm turned around.." "That night she said, she thought, we had energy." "Wooh, that's a new twist." "Never heard that before." "It's very, very, weird though." "I mean her mouth was saying she's spending all the time with Roland, but her eyes were screaming 'save me'." " Ahh." "So go with that." "Go with the eyes." "And now I..." "I think that, that I have... feelings for her." "Really?" "You think so?" "It's only been 13 years." "Please, Leonard, I know." "You've been saying that for a long, a very long time." "But now I'm finally saying it." " Well this is all good news." "That's just, you're in love with the mother of your child..." "While she's falling for Roland." "And I know I could say all of this, by just tell her the truth." "If I'd do that..." "I lose everything, right?" "And if you don't?" "Than I'll never be more than uncle Wally." "That's no good." " Hi, excuse me." "This is old, this is new." "I would like this inside of this, yes?" " Okay." "Truly, the assets in that fund we're not.." "I got, I gotta take this." "Sorry, hold on." "Hello?" " Wally?" "Hi." " Oh thank God you picked up." "Ok, I'm in Michigan and I'm..." "At, uh... camp Roland, huh?" "Ah, yeah, Wally, I'm with Roland." "He's got, he's got a cabin up here." " Been in the family for 30 years." "Yeah, Yeah, it has." "How do you know that?" "He told me." " I didn't', I didn't know you guys.. spoke." "Yep, we're very, very, close." "Wow, what was that noise?" "I have to feed the phone." " They don't have cell service up there?" "." "No, apparently not on this line." "So Wally, Sebastian wanted to go and spend the weekend with Liam." "He's been having some trouble making friends, I let him do it." "But then Liam's mom called me and told me that, that Sebastian has lice." "Lice?" "." "Calm down Wally, it's lice, I did not say leprosy, ok?" "Would you please, not 'Wally' this into a situation worse than already is." "Hang on." "Did you just use my name as a verb?" "Yeah, yeah, I did." "I do, I do that sometimes..." "Wally can you please, please help me out?" "I trust you and you're the only person currently in New York City that he can stand." "I've been beating myself up about this entire thing." "I have.." "I'm on the first flight tomorrow." "There are no flights tonight." "So I really..." "Enough, what do you want?" "Do I pick him up, and take him to the emergency room?" "You don't take him to the emergency room Wally." "It's lice." "Ok, so.." "You're place and plant him in front of the TV?" "What do you want from me?" "Yeah." "That would be great." "That would be great." "But then, there're a couple more things you gonna have to do before that, ok?" "Do you ehm.. do you have a pen?" "Don't stop the motor, I'll be right back." "After you picked up Sebastian, stop at Wayne Aid." "There is one on our corner." "Buy a box of heavy duty garbage bags, shower caps, and a lice-shampoo." "Doctor already called in the prescription." "Here we go." "Watch the time." "Where's the trash bags?" "Trash bags are right there." "Here we go." "Yellow draws strength, boom." "When you get to my place, stuff all of his clothes in trash bag while he get's in the tub." "Arms up." "Arms up." "There we go." "take off the pants." "Ok, we're all good." "There we go." "Now let's get to the bathroom." "Make sure he keeps his stuff on his head only ten minutes." "And what ever you do, don't get it in is eyes." "And while he's doing that, you can strip both beds, pillowcases, comforters and sheets." "And let me get this." "And then bag all of the pillows and stuffed animals." "Make sure those bags are shut airtight, so those lice will suffocate." "And throw everything in the wash on hottest temperature." "Pass me the detergent please." "Well this is just not enough steps." "Can we add some more steps?" "Please just let me shave his head and be done with it." "Wally?" "." " Okay." "Okay." "And whatever you do Wally, try not to make a big deal out of it." "And make sure to follow the instructions and wash his hair." "Everything ok?" "You alright?" "You doing okay?" "Oh, and just one more thing, and it's sort of the worst part." "There's this little comb." " Oh God, this can not be happening." "Why?" " No, no, no, just keep looking ahead." "Nothing." "Nothing's going on." "Everything's good." "Are they everywhere?" "Are they climbing all over my head?" "Not, no." "They're fine, they're absolute... you're fine." "Everything's okay." "Your gonna threw up?" "No, I'm not gonna throw up." "I'm busy killing lice." "Did you find some?" " I think so.." "I got him." "Alright hot out of the dryer." "Think we're now officially 'de-liced'." "or 'loused', right?" "'de-loused'?" "Whatever it is, we're down to Defcon 1." "or is it 5?" "Can not figure out which way that goes." "Alright, good night." "Sweet dreams, ok?" "This is your collection, right?" "Why don't you wanna use any of these frames?" "Why does everyone ask me that?" "Because, you know, people like to put their own pictures inside their frames." "But they already have pictures in them." "Yeah, that's true, but you don't know any of these people." "Sure I do." "See?" "Like these people." "This is the Owens's family." "That's Mr. and Mrs. Owen." "And those are their two kids." "These study volcanoes." "And Mrs. Owen wish to work for a place that sells hard met singer pets." "Aham." "It's funny cause Mr. and Mrs. Owen look like very great stock photography models to me." "That's my grandfather." "This one right here?" "Yeah." " This guy?" "He's my father's dad." "He owns a boat." "He..." "had everyday to go fishing for sharks." "And he knows a lot." "Did you know that sharks don't have bones?" "No, but I do know." "That's my uncle Rick, he's my father's younger brother." "This guy here?" " Yeah." "He got me an iPod for my birthday." "But I think he stole it from somebody." "Because it already had music on it." "What's your dad's family like?" "I don't know, I've never met them." "Why not?" "My father left when I was, I was pretty young." "You can keep it." "Sweet dreams." "See now, I think you put too much flour in there, right." "What you got there is like, uh..." "it's more like paste, right?" "We could spangle these walls with that." "Let's put little bit more water in that, don't you think?" "Okay..." " Let's take something else for the pancake." "What about um.. chocolate chips?" "Your mom got any of those?" "Or what about peanut butter?" "Maybe." "Well, gee..." "Let's go the other way with it, right?" "Let's make a little bit more of a lunch pancake." "Like cheese?" " Let's put lice in the butter." "What's so funny to you about the concept of eating your lice?" "I don't know, it's just funny." "Now you look for texture?" "We burn 'em, you get a little crunch that way, okay?" "Keep your lice out of it." "Hi." "Hello." " Mommy." "Mommy, I punctured a dead lice." " Come here, let me see that." "Come here." " You're home." "What do you have in that jar?" "Lice." " Lice." "Are you kidding me?" "Wally hunted them and killed them all." "Ahh, let me see." "I'm so sorry." "I wasn't here." "Is it all out?" " Yeah." "Oh, I love you." " Me too." "I'm listening but left to watch TV." "That's a cute look." "Oh, this is ahh.." "I've started to feel itchy so I used a little bit of the shampoo." "Oh, you don't have lice." "I could, I could actually have lice." "You don't have lice." "And I really thank you." "I appreciate you taking care of all this." "Thanks for taking care of him." " Je vous remercie..." "You're welcome." "How was that week-end?" "It was good." "Good." "Was really beautiful." "It's quite, it's on a lake." "His grandfather actually built the cabin from logs that they mild on the property." "so.." "We're gonna go I think like 2 weeks, take Sebastian." "Really?" "That's getting serious, huh?" "We're actually thinking about moving in together." "That's.." "I mean, you know, Kassie.." "That's a mistake." "I think that this guy..." "Don't." " is a mistake." "Don't do this, don't ruin this for me." " Hang on." " No." "Kassie." "He started the year married to someone else." "Look, he's obviously going through some kinda crap, and maybe doesn't realize it, but it looks like he might be using you and Sebastian to pushing the blow." "You know, that I actually thought for a brief second, that you changed." "But you haven't." "I'm trying to move forward with my life." "And you are exactly the same." "The truth is," "I'm actually happy." "Are you?" " Yes." "Roland is a really good guy." "Alright." "He's supp..." "You know what?" "Just because you've never taken a risk in your entire life doesn't mean you have to rip apart mine." "Please." "I'm tying to let somebody in." "You should try it some time." "Unless, unless you have something else you'd like to say... to me." "Wally" "Really?" "Got nothing for me, huh?" "That's not..." "Hey, Wally, thanks for being on lice patrol, man." "You gotta try some of this beer grandma made." "Sebastian, what happened?" "I was at Tony's birthday party and did what you told me to." "And O'Connor was there." "I stood up to him and acted crazy." "You're face.." "He punched me, and then threw me into a puddle and then hit me again." "He didn't care that I was crazy." "It didn't worked, I've tried." "Where was this?" "Where was the party?" " At the park." "Which park?" " East-End." "East-End Park?" "That's like 20 blocks away from here." "I gotta call your mom come fetch you" " No." "Wally you have to take me home." "Take me home, Wally." "Sebastian, why did you come here?" "Because I thought you would be proud of me." "Oh my God, what happened to you?" " I got into a fight." "Sweaty, oh my God." "What?" "What?" "Why didn't Danny call me?" "It's actually my fault." "I told him to do something really stupid a while back, and he listened to me." "He's fine." "He came over to my place, and.." " He came to you?" "Yeah." "And.." "Oh." "What's going on?" " Roland's family is in town." "We're just having a little brunch." "Hey Wally." " Who beat the kid?" "Come on, sweaty here." "Oh my God." "You're covered in dirt." "Come on, honey." "Let's go and clean up..." "Hey Wally." "What happened?" "He got in a fight with another kid." " Ah, that's awful." "You know, but it will make him stronger." "Took a few lungs when I was kid." "Usually at the hands of my old brothers." "They're all here, you gotta meet them." "Oh, wait." "Hold on." "Check it out." "Stick around." "It's gonna get good." "I'm sorry Roland." "For what?" "Doesn't feel that bad, huh?" "I really do need to talk to you." "Act crazy, Wally?" "Remind me to never ask you for advice when I'm being bullied." "What do you want me Debbie?" "I'm an idiot." "Right?" "Kassie, this can not wait." "I got it." "I'll be right back." "What got into him?" "Want to try these beans?" "Alright Wally, what is it?" "There she is." "Hey Kass, Wally, come on in." "Yeah, come on in, take a seat." "Listen.." "Hang on.." "One sec.." " I can't..." "Kass." "Come on in." "You too, Wally." "Come on, take a seat." "Everybody listen up." "Hush." "Hush." "I've got something to say, everybody." "A few months ago." "I'm not gonna lie." "I was um..." "I was in a dark place." "I was in a world of pain." "Kassie, I rally have to talk to you." "My wife... ex-wife had left me for reasons I don't need to..." "I don't need to get into." "Over here." "Right now." " Um..." "And then..." " Talk to me now." "Trust me, this is really important." " one day, the heavens opened and a sweat voice of an angel is on my phone machine." "And I'm happy to say to you all, that I love.." "That my life is whole again." "Today Sebastian scared the hell out of me." "Wally, take a seat, I'm about to get to the good stuff." "Roland, I'm about.." "I'm sorry." "I know you're a really good guy." "I hate to do this to you." "Hate to do what?" " Throw this curve ball." "When Sebastian needed someone today, Kassie, he came to me." "He needed me." "And, and..." "And I need him." "Wha.." "What are you talking about, Wally?" "I'm talking about something I haven't been able to say before, Kassie." "I..." "I hijacked your pregnancy." "I am the seed guy." "What?" "I replaced eh.." "Roland's offering with mine." "That night, your party." "Sebastian's my son." "I know it was reckless, careless and terrible thing to do." "I panicked." "I'm not like you, you know." "You're not afraid of anything." "I'm afraid of everything." "I can't even take risks." "You know, you said it." "But nothing scares you Kassie." "And I love that about you." "I mean you're gonna hate me for the rest of your life." "And you're never gonna forgive me, and I don't expect you to forgive me." "It just, it breaks my heart, it kills me, because" "You've changed me." "You've changed me." "And ehm.." "I love you." "I could not say that before but I'm saying it right now." "And I'm also saying that I'm sorry." "Really sorry." "Luckily, we got that dirty off." "Don't ever speak to us again." "What did I miss?" "Sorry about your proposal, Roland." "His what?" "Oh my God." "I'm proud of you." "Wally, it's 4 a. m." "I did it." "I did the right thing, Leonard." "Come on in." " Faced my fear." "I told her." "That's good." " Wally, that's real, real good." "I lost her." "And Sebastian." "You did the right thing." "I'm proud of you, Wally." "It sucks." " But it'll get better." "I drink booze from a deli." "You should go home, Wally." "They are my home, Leonard" "So I've thought about it." "And, um..." "You can't just disappear from Sebastian's life." "So.." "He's your son." "And of course you can see him but it's gonna be on my terms." "How's it going?" "He misses you." "I miss him." " A lot." "And how's he getting along with Roland?" "Ok?" "Well.." "I couldn't live through with that." "What happened?" "What do you mean?" " I don't know" "He is affectionate, likes me to try new things." "He doesn't turn into a psycho when he drinks." "He doesn't moan when he eats." "I turned him down, because he's not you." "Will you marry me?" " Probably." "Look at." "Running around." "Always rushed." "Always late." "Guess that's why they called it the human race." "But sometimes, it slows down just enough for all the pieces fall into place..." "Fate works it's magic." "And you're connected." "Hi." " Do you smell that?" "What is that?" " It's dry coal, lighter fluid, on my burned arm here." "Give me a kiss before you go." "Shame with all these children around." "I don't mind an audience." " Don't?" "Oh God, no, Honey, here." "Ice cream." "Take this out there." "But be careful." "One of these children has a milk allergy and..." "I have no clue which one it is." "It might be the little blonde one over there." "Wanna just do it like a sorbet?" "No." "No." " You sure?" "How about that?" "Now this year, Sebastian has decided to dedicate his birthday to Doug." "And Doug is eh.. just a wonderful, playful, three-legged dog." "He's in need of a home." "So" "And?" "And, um..." "Well Doug is, um... he's next in line at the kill shelter to be kicked out." "Oh no, it would be a horrible way to go." "But not dead yet, not dead yet." " That's just so good." "I was just thinking" " A very much alive and happy puppy." "Let's go ahead." "Let's blow out the candles." "Let's get some of that cake in our face." "I'm not blowing out anything until someone takes Doug." "Well I take him." "'C'est L'esprit'." "'C'est L'esprit'." "He only got 3 legs." "Alright, baby come on." "One more." "Happy birthday." "Every once in a while in all the randomness..." "Something unexpected happens, and it pushes us all forward." "And the truth is what I'm starting to think what I'm starting to feel is that maybe, the human race isn't a race at all."