"Hi." "I'm Rachael Gwizdaiski." "I have a funny family." "They all are sort of different." "Let's go find them and see if they will talk." "Come on." "Let's go." "[music playing on radio]" "Rachael:" "This is my sister." "Man:" "OK." "You might want to tape your dad making a world-class" "Hamburger Helper dinner." "He's making a Hamburger Helper dinner." "Yes." "You guys are having dog food tonight." "How do you like that?" "Rachael:" "That's Daddy, Mommy... hello, Penny... and I'm Rachael, the one who made the video about my family." "Next time, join me for another video." "I can't think of what I'm gonna do next, though." "Um, it's Friday, July 27, and I'm a little over two months on testosterone, two months and 6 days... and my name is Ben because I changed it." "Ben, voice-over:" "All I really want is to, like..." "I just want to be loved by my family, and I think that for my family, it's not as simple as that." "I mean, it's complicated for them." "[guitar continues]" "A little bit." "Some of the things are something" "I just put aside because I thought if you ever had a child one day..." "You are not wearing that." "This doesn't fit any... oh, it doesn't." "Wow." "I have a lot of Pokemon cards." "I really never saw the allure." "Wow." "These probably are worth something." " Did I pick these out?" " No." "You guys did, and I just wore them everywhere?" " Uh-huh." " Oh, my God." " Oh, my gosh." " Oh, no." "Is that the cutest?" "Did I carry this fanny pack of my own face around, or was this for you guys to carry, a fanny pack with a picture of me on it?" "You in your little soccer uniform." "With my missing two front teeth." "[sighs]" "That was our Christmas card." "Hmm." "[no audio]" "Ben, voice-over:" "When I was younger," "I hated using the women's restrooms." "Yes." "The ball." "Ben, voice-over:" "My mom would try to get me to get my ears pierced so people would know I was a girl." "I was a tomboy for a very long time, up until I got to middle school and puberty started happening." "Everybody was changing." "All: ♪ Happy birthday, dear Rachael ♪" "♪ Cha cha cha ♪" "♪ Happy... ♪" "Ben, voice-over:" "I felt like I either had to, like, grow my hair out or be a loser or be an outcast or, you know, like, be different, and I didn't want to be different." "I started cutting myself when I was really young, and I think that was my first addiction." "It was definitely how I dealt with feeling so wrong." "I was stealing from the people around me and doing drugs that I swore I'd never do... and my dad was gambling a lot, and my mom was watching her family fall apart." "3 years ago was, like, the last time that I cut myself because I went too deep." "I remember the doctor coming in and, like, opening up the wound, and she was like, "Oh, honey, you slashed a tendon,"" "like, "You're gonna have to get surgery."" "Boy, on computer: ... bother me." "Like, I would say, after being, like, 6 months..." "I don't want to be a girl." "I just want to be me." "My body isn't how I want it to be, either." "People don't understand what I go through on a daily basis..." "Ben, voice-over:" "There's a large number of guys and girls out there who are transitioning, sharing their experiences, and sharing hope with each other." "It's OK to not be 6'3"." "It's OK to not have facial hair." "My parents actually still don't call me Keith, still call me Kim." "Hey, guys, I have decided to talk about, like, dating and how it's been going, being a trans kid in high school." "Ben, voice-over:" "The greatest gifts that I received while browsing was that I knew I wasn't alone." "I got sober because I could no longer deny that there was a solution to what I was going through, which was transition." "This is how I'm going to explain it." "I am literally a boy with the wrong body parts." "No." "I just think, you know, that there is the argument of... you're not." "I just don't get..." "I'm just..." "Our thinking goes back to..." "It still baffles me." "... what defines what is a boy." "Is it your brain or is it your body?" "In our hearts, you're Rachael." "That's what we've known you as, and that's a hard habit to break." "What's so wrong with the opinion of you are who you are and you get what you get, and I get, you know..." "Is that why you got plastic surgery?" "Enhancing what you have, is that all right with you?" "Where do you draw the line?" "You get what you get." "Stop getting haircuts and hair dye." "Stop piercing your ears." "Stop putting on makeup." "Like, what I have is a body that doesn't fit." "Man, voice-over:" "Hey, Rachael, how old are you today?" "5." "You want to open up the presents?" "What I wanted, what I always, always wanted... a suit jacket." "Oh, man, is that exciting?" "Yes." "Suzy, voice-over:" "We all have accepted this for a long, long time, and that was Rachael, and that is what I've tried to explain to you, that you are Rachael." "That is who you are." "Everyone knows you as this." "They know that you're... you know, you march to your own drummer, and you are quirky, and that's why they all love you, and this whole flip to, you know," ""No." "It's not just quirky."" ""It's, you know, I'm in the wrong body," is..." "You know, I think we all have that feeling of," ""I'm in the wrong body." "I should be in Charlize Theron's body."" "[water splashing]" "You know, he is saving up for surgery, and she went to therapy for 6 months so she could get hormones, and it was like," ""That's all it takes, is 6 months?"" "That just seems like a short amount of time for someone that has changed her... his mind so often, um, to make a decision as serious as this one." "Ben, voice-over:" "I wish that my family would be willing to, like, give me a chance." "My sister isn't talking to me and my dad, which sucks, you know?" "Like, I'm very angry at my parents." "It gets hard when they don't answer your phone calls or don't want to see you." "♪ If the only truth you have is that you're living a lie ♪" "♪ And if time won't free the pain ♪" "♪ You've held hostage in your mind ♪" "♪ Fear not my love ♪" "♪ If the skin your soul embodies ♪" "♪ Doesn't seem to fit quite right ♪" "♪ And you hate what their god gave you ♪" "♪ Fear not my love ♪" "♪ My love ♪" "♪ My love ♪" "[music ends]" "Your first YouTube video is like," ""Hey, guys, this is Dyl... "" "Ha ha ha!" "It was so funny." "Ben, voice-over:" "Dylan is my best friend." "It was so cute." "Ben, voice-over:" "We're both, like, sober and trans, and our friends knew each other and were like," ""Why don't we introduce them?"" "We've known each other for a very short time, but I have never had a friend like Dylan... and we're about to move to Santa Cruz together in a few months and start at the same school," "and it's funny how, like, I've never felt so close to a friend." "All our pictures that we have on Facebook we need to do again but with beards" "Ha ha ha!" "with stripes." "Clothes, we're wearing just the striped shirts." "Yes." "Oh, wait." "Didn't we start doing it on the same side so we'd have this?" "Yeah." "I'm on left side today." " Me, too." " Oh, yeah." "That means we're on schedule." "Ben, voice-over:" "Our testosterone shots are on the same day, Monday, and so we're Skyping our injections." "I can't wait till we can actually do this next to each other again." "Do I have a beard yet?" " Yeah?" " Dude, totally." "Ha ha ha!" "Did you tell your coworker I'm single?" "Chk chk chk chk chk." "Ha ha ha!" "She's not single." "No." "Oh, damn it." "We booked our top surgeries for the same day..." "December 27 of this year, which is in, like, 5 months... to go to Dr. Garramone in Florida, and his mom is paying for our airfare and our hotel, and she's gonna come and take care of us," "which is insane because my mom wouldn't." "_" "_" " Oh..." " _" "Mm-hmm." "OK, so you don't want me there." "I didn't..." "I never said that." "You had no interest in participating, and..." "No." "I... that's not what I said." "I said... you wanted..." "as far as financial..." "I'm not gonna pay for your plane ticket." "I'm not asking you to pay for my plane ticket, but, I mean, if you're gonna undergo some serious surgery..." "It's not, I mean, super serious." "Yeah." "It is." "It's really OK if it's just them." " That's all." " Oh." "That's how you want it." "[stomping]" "[clears throat] [stomping continues] [door closes]" "Suzy, voice-over:" "It's hard being around a lot of my friends because, you know, they're talking about their kids and their kids' successes and, you know," ""My child's going to Harvard," or has a scholarship, and, "And how's Rachael?" and I'm... [sniffles]" ""Oh, fine, you know, finding... finding their way, finding his way," you know, kind of, like, blurring over the pronoun." "Ben:" "My mom's all about, like, looking good, and, like, you know, she hasn't even been supportive of the idea of my surgery, but then as soon as I'm like," ""Dylan's mom is coming," she's like, "Can I come?"" "and it's like, "No."" "I'm like, "No." "Like, no." "I'm working really hard to make that happen for myself, and, like, all you've done is kind of try and stand in the way of it, and, like, why would I want you" "pretend you're supportive of that when, like, I have people who are actually supportive?"" "[sniffles]" "Joe Stevens: ♪ The wind has come to take me down ♪" "♪ To the empty farm where I grew up on the land ♪" "♪ I build this childhood for a boy ♪" "♪ With my own two hands ♪" "♪ I look around them bony trees ♪" "♪ And sunken cows ♪" "♪ There's almost snow ♪" "♪ Nobody knows nothing ♪" "♪ Except what me and the crow do know... ♪" "Ben, voice-over:" "Music has been, like, the one constant dream I've had." "Like, I knew Joe Stevens before I knew Joe Stevens, you know?" "Like, I knew of him." "Like, I Googled him in my bedroom by myself when I wanted to know if I was gonna be OK, you know, when I wanted to know if my voice was gonna be OK." "♪ Who am I to weather a storm?" "♪" "♪ But I go slow ♪" "♪ I said good-bye to everyone I know ♪" "♪ And one morning, I awoke ♪" "♪ And I was this guy named Joe ♪" "Heh heh." "Ben:" "And then I met him." "It's crazy." "Joe: ♪ I have seen your life begin... ♪" "Ben:" "I met Joe at a sober conference." "I was so inspired by everything that he does." "Joe: ♪ The love I'd know ♪" "♪ I will come to you... ♪" "Ben:" "When I first met him, I was starstruck, you know, "Oh, my God, I'm with Joe Stevens." "Oh, my God."" "Joe: ♪ Well, it's all right ♪" "♪ Tell me it's all right ♪" "♪ Oh, whoa, oh ♪ [knocks on door]" " Hello." " Hey." "Welcome." "Thank you." " Hooray!" " Good to see you." "Does your back hurt?" " A little bit, sweaty." " Yeah." "So, welcome." "Ahh..." "Ben, voice-over:" "Like, I don't even have words to say how amazed I am at Joe's generosity, inviting me to just come stay free of rent in Sacramento and record music with me, and the fact that Joe" "is, like, not only gonna help me record my music, but potentially play with me is just insane." "Like, it's already like a dream come true." "Awesome." "It's gonna be..." "Excited." "... a good month." " Mm-hmm." " Ha ha ha!" "Can't wait." "Just cut off that." "Joe, voice-over:" "I met him at a sober youth conference, and I was stoked that there was another trans person." "Want to just cut down all those little ones that stick out everywhere." "Mm-hmm." "Joe, voice-over:" "You know, we're both addicts, and we're both trans, and we're both musicians, and I've never been around another person that had all those 3 similarities." "Those are probably the 3 things that define me the most." "[mandolin and double bass playing]" "[Joe singing indistinctly]" "Joe, voice-over:" "We're so similar in that you know, we had a really rough time." "Adolescence and families were not in great shape, and we got sent to programs, and we had a lot of the similar acting-out behaviors." "Joe: ♪ He had a sister, oh, they were two of a kind ♪" "♪ They were growing ♪" "♪ He comes around, I can see through his eyes ♪" "♪ All his pain, his pain ♪" "♪ It was bad, started lying ♪" "Joe, voice-over:" "I know how it feels to not be able to afford surgery and to try and figure out how to make it happen." "I know how it feels to just really be having a hard time with your family, and if I could make it any easier for him, it's worth... it's worth going through all of that." "[buzzing]" "OK." " I'm impressed." " All right?" " I was a little nervous," " Yeah." " but I..." " I was, too." "♪ I've been so damn afraid ♪" "♪ It all staying the same ♪" "♪ The pages turn, the words are learned ♪" "♪ But the meanings never change ♪" "♪ And nor do I ♪" "Wait." "OK, but speak dumb." "Like, capo to here." " Any chord." " On this?" " Yeah." " OK." "[Plays B minor chord]" "Major, though." "[Plays B chord]" "Uh-huh, just to make it like a whole phrase." "I need a music theory lesson." "♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪" "♪ Oh, oh ♪" "♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪" "♪ Oh, oh ♪" "♪ Oh, when the darkness all seemed light ♪" "♪ Oh, when the darkness all seemed light ♪" " Nice." " That worked so well." "All right." "Cool." "We have a new bridge." "Joe:" "You hair is cute." "Joe: ♪ Born blind, born blind ♪" "♪ I could never see... ♪" "Joe, voice-over:" "I am 9 months sober on the 20th... which, I think, is any day now... and that is definitely the longest time I've ever had." "I had been pretty much not sober for the last 13 years." "Joe: ♪ I know where I am... ♪" "This almost seems like a movie set." "Joe:" "I know, right?" "Joe, voice-over:" "I want Bennett to heal and be happy in ways that I have a hard time feeling about myself..." "Joe:" "Ha ha ha!" "Little buddy." "Joe, voice-over:" "So having him around, it's kept me sober." "Joe: ♪ Turn a corner, say good-bye ♪" "♪ Born blind ♪" "[whistles]" "Hi, Ben." " Hi." " Hi, Mama." " Mwah." " You look so cute." "Oh, thank you." "Good to see you." "Nice to see you, too." "Look at my hair." "Horrible." "Yeah." "You didn't know what to do with it." "They made me blow-dry it." "Ohh, Joe." "Ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "Oh... this is how the boys wore it?" "That was at the girls school, yes." " Did you know?" " Uh-uh." "OK." "Yep." "Didn't know." "Mm." "Oh, we're eating late." "So your mom and dad are in L.A." "My mom is in Pasadena." "My dad's on the other side, but they are divorced as of, like, two years ago, so..." "Mm-hmm, and I understand, you contacted your sister..." "Mm-hmm." "... and that was good." "Yeah, and she didn't want to see me," " but that's OK, so..." " Mm-hmm." " She will." " Mm-hmm." "Just takes time." "I know I was so worried, I remember, breaking it to the family, to my brother and sister-in-law, and I remember... it was weird... we were at Jack..." "Norman's, and I..." ""I need to tell you something,"" "and then when I said that, you know," "Caitlyn is really... is now Joe," "Aunt Becky just says, "Well, good for him." " Good for him."" " Ha ha ha!" ""Oh." "OK," and, of course, Bob went," ""Well, that's the way it goes." "Let's have another drink."" "[Laughter]" "Suzy:" "I went back to one on my high-school reunions, and I remember someone saying, "Oh, do you remember so and so?" "He's a... he's a woman now," and I... even back then," "I don't know that that was called, um, transgender." "It was just odd." "People are stating their gender pref... you know, "preferences" isn't the right word, but... whereas we just didn't talk about stuff like that." "You know, people are just more vocal about it now." "I grew up in Texas." "I grew up at the Presbyterian church, and I was in the choir." "My mother was ahead of her time." "She was about Planned Parenthood." "She was about having one of her best confidants, her gay hairdresser, to the Thanksgiving table." "Um, she was an educated woman, but I grew up in the mentality of, "Don't air your dirty laundry."" "[Perrey and Kingsley's "Baroque Hoedown" playing] [children laughing]" "Rachael:" "I'm..." "I'm gonna dance." "I'm gonna..." "I'm gonna..." "That's how I dance." "Suzy:" "Can you look up here and give me a big smile?" "Cheese." "Suzy, voice-over:" "I had this vision when I named my child Rachael of just this Rapunzely vision." "I just thought the name "Rachael" was just the most beautiful name ever, still do." "Look what I found." "Hi." "Suzy, voice-over:" "We all loved, you know, Rachael just as Rachael was." "From Santa Claus." "That is very special." "Suzy, voice-over:" "You couldn't help but love her, she was just so unique and creative, athletic, funny... ♪ Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake ♪" "Suzy: ... and the hardest part with Bennett is that" "I still see the same person... still my Rachael, you know?" " Bye, buddy." " All right." "Text me periodically and let me know" " I will." " ... how it's going." " Text me, too." " I will." "And say hi to your mom for me." "Right here?" "[Dylan whistling]" "Ben: ♪ You are my Samson ♪" "♪ My only Samson ♪" "♪ You make me happy when skies are gray ♪" "Do not support that one." "You'll lose it." "Uh, oh, my God, I am so tired." "Dude, we, like, are here." "I know." "Ha ha!" "Oh, my God, it's been the longest day ever." "Dylan:" "What you want to do?" "It's 4... 30 minutes before we go to the gym." "It's cold in here." "Why doesn't our heater work?" "I wouldn't even know how to turn it on." "It's right here." "It's on 90 degrees, and it has been forever." "[clang]" "It doesn't open." "Wait." "There's a pilot light." "What does that mean?" "It's not right that they have college students move into this place that's ancient" " and doesn't have instructions..." " That's the only people that'll move in... that's the thing..." "because they're like," " "Oh. yeah... "" " No." "I get that, but they, like, should have newer appliances because I don't understand old technology." "What is a..." "I know what a pilot light is." "I just don't know how to work it." "Ben, voice-over:" "Lately, I've been having, like, physical responses to anxiety and embarrassment and nervousness, so, like, I get really hot and, like, sweaty, and, like, I feel like I'm getting red," "and it's harder for me to talk and..." "I don't know." "I forget why I might be feeling so sad or, like, why I'm, like, all up and down and having these mood swings, and then it clicks, and I'm like, "Wow." "Hormones are really changing."" "Things are happening inside my body that are different than I've ever experienced." "When I'm by myself, like, my head gets a lot louder." ""Is my chest flat?" "Are my shoulders square enough?" "What about my hips?" "Do my hips..." "Am I muffin-topping?" you know, or, like, "Am I acting socially awkward?" "Is my voice low enough?" "Can they see my binder?"" "I wish I could, like, not worry, but I can't stop." "[beeping]" "[Ben yawns]" "Ben, voice-over:" "I'm saving for my top surgery myself." "I'm working full time, so I'm 5 days a week at the photo company." "I hate my job, but, like, I'm going to work every day, and I'm showing up early, and I'm staying late, and, like, I'm being a good worker." "Top surgery is something worth fighting for." "It's something worth sweating for." "It's something worth grinding my teeth at work all day for." "[distant dog barking]" "Suzy, voice-over:" "It's a drastic surgery, and I'm not for it." "I feel like I should be there." "[sighs]" "I just don't know yet." "Joe: ♪ It's just another show ♪" "♪ It's the only thing I know ♪" "♪ There ain't no other way ♪" "♪ So good night, lady ♪" "♪ It's just another show ♪" "♪ You're the only one I know ♪" "♪ No, there ain't no other way ♪" "♪ So good night, lady ♪" "♪ Good night, lady ♪" "♪ Good night ♪" "[cheering and applause]" "Thank you." "Thank you so very much." "Ingrid:" "For those of you who don't know, some of the proceeds of tonight are gonna go to our friend" "Bennett Wallace, who is another singer-songwriter and a good friend of ours, and it's going to help fund surgery for him, and so we thank you all for, knowingly or unknowingly, supporting this amazing cause." "[applause] [gulls squawking]" "Yes." "I've gained or lost 15 pounds." "Do I circle yes?" "No, because I don't think the muscle really matters." "Uh, yeah." "Ha!" "No?" "Ha ha!" "[telephone ringing]" "Date of last menstrual period." "I just put my "T" date." "Woman:" "You have to be there at 8:30 A.M." "Do you have transportation for surgery?" " Yes." " You do." "I can't wait, dude." "His face, though." "I need an arm." "Ben, voice-over:" "I felt good that she came." "I also feel bad because, uh, she came, and..." "I don't know... it shows that she loves me that much to do something that makes her not that happy, but, you know, to be there for me when I need her." "Hopefully, it'll be a quick, quick recovery and they'll be up and around in no time and then get on with the rest of their lives." "I hope that they will find somebody that, you know..." "I absolutely have every confidence that they will find the right person for them because I think there's always someone for everyone in this world." "You know, Dylan's had girlfriends, and I just think that he'll find the right person for him." "Dylan has had girlfriends since he's been Dylan?" "Yeah." "Yeah, so I think it doesn't really make any difference, um, where you are on the spectrum." "I think that you'll find the person that you want to spend your time with and that you'll love, but, you know, we're all at different places." "That's the whole thing." "We don't have to necessarily understand it completely and fully." "We just have to support them, support them and love them." "Yeah." "True." "Love them through it, that's all you can do." "Be there and love them and support them." "You just nailed it on the head." "It's like, don't really understand it, but..." "There's so many other people in this world that would love to bring them down." "We just have to make sure we're not... not any of those people, you know?" "[sniffles]" "It's OK." "Let it go." "It's not your job to be strong." "It's not your job to feel anything particular." "Just whatever you're feeling is good." "It's OK." "Let it go." "It's all right." " It's going." " That's good." " Here it comes." " That's it." "Let it..." "let it all out." "Just let it out." "It's good." "This is so cool, and the fat isn't hanging out of this..." "I mean, I can't even lift my arms, but..." "I'm, like..." "I'm talking about chest." "No." "Of course, there's stuff up here because we're bound so tightly, but..." "Uh-huh." "Starting to get in a lot of pain." " Ah!" " Don't do that." "I honestly didn't expect it to hurt this much... 3 1/2." "I didn't, either." "... but that's because nobody said anything about it." "People were like, "It's gonna hurt, but it's mostly just, like... "" "You know what I mean?" "I knew it would hurt, but I didn't know it would just be, like..." "Yesterday was horrible." "I am so glad I don't remember most of it." "I remember being in the car and being like," ""I am so frustrated," and in so much pain that I felt like I just wanted to kick and scream and cry and spit." "Yeah." "We should go bowling." " Hello." " Hey, how are you?" " Good." "How are you?" " I'm good." "I'm a little sore." " I bet you are." " Yeah, but..." "What's going on?" "Look at you." "Yeah." "Stand up really quick." "Oh, buddy." "Yeah." "Yeah." " Hi, Joe." " Oh, hi." " This is Bailey." " Hi, Bailey." "This is Ben's mom." "Hi, Mom." "I'm just being a buttinsky and coming in to say hello." "Oh, God, that's so funny." "She's been awesome." "I think I woke her up." " I've been an emotional..." " Shh!" "Oh." "I've been an emot..." "No." "I was just saying that because that's not true." "Oh, I've been an emotional roller coaster," " but..." " Joe:" "My mom, too." " Yeah." " She's being modest, but she's been really, really amazing." "I woke her up every 3 hours." "She was happy to help me and has just been really sweet the entire time, and, like, on top of that, I know it's hard for her, so, you know, she's been really strong and helpful," "even though it's not what she'd probably rather be doing." "I'll keep you posted as things change and bandages get taken off and whatnot," "Yeah." "... and I'm looking forward to seeing you in person come Februaryish." " I love you guys." "I'm so happy for you." " Oh, we love you, too." "Thanks so much, Joe." "This couldn't have happened without you." "Woman:" "Not just masculinity because some of his critics say," ""Well, men have been masculine for all time,"" "you know, but he's talking about hypermasculinity contributing to sexual assault, homicide..." "Woman:" "Even just road rage." "... Even just road rage." "Right." "Not only are there those two narrow categories of what one is supposed to fit in, but we also know that there's a hierarchy, right, and one of those is valued more." "Masculinity is valued more in our society, right, so if you fit more into that box... and I really think the easiest example is to think of young girls who are tomboys, right, which we've talked about," "way more acceptable than the alternative, right?" "All right." "Have a great weekend." "Thank you." "Woman:" "Thank you." "Ben, voice-over:" "It's been hard to get a hold of Joe lately." "There was one message that he sent me that said," ""Things have been a little crazy, hoping to get out of it soon."" "It was very vague... so I honestly don't know where he's at... but it is taking him a little bit longer to get back to me." "Joe, voice-over:" "I was having an awesome day with a buddy that I usually party with, and it was beautiful outside, and I wanted to smoke some pot, so I smoked some pot, and then I was like," ""Let's go have some beers"... and I went home, and I went to bed, and I woke up, and I was like," ""All right, so I did that,"" "and now it feels like a time warp." "[spatula taps]" "I got my first DUI, spent the night in jail." "I wish things were better." "Joe?" "Good morning." "Ohh!" "Ha ha!" " Ahh..." " Hey." "Aah!" "Ha ha ha!" "Let me see." "Crazy." "My cute, little nickel nipples." "I know, right?" "Little nipples." "[Acoustic guitar and banjo playing]" "[plays 7th note]" "Eh..." "Ben, voice-over:" "Being that he's been such a vibrant light in my life, I just want him to be OK." "There's something that he needs to answer." "I just hope that he doesn't get into too much pain before he finds that for himself." "Ben:" "Which one you want to do?" "You should do pumpkin." "Yep." "It smells like Thanksgiving." "Wow." "It's really reliable." "I know." "My mom bakes cookies and decorates them." "Mm-hmm." "Did you... were you here for that last year?" " Uh-uh." " Oh." "Well, we should do it this year." "It's super fun." "She puts on Christmas music and... [cell phone blips]" "My sister just said... [clears throat]" ""You are so focused on becoming "you,"" "finding yourself, all that [bleep]," "I don't think you understand that some people never truly find themselves, and they turn out all right." "You want to be stuck in this immature," "I don't give a [bleep] about what others think" stage." "It's off-putting, and I don't want to associate with someone like that."" "That's literally so far from my experience that..." "How long do these pies need to go in there?" "Dylan:" "Till we smell it burning." "OK." "I'm gonna call my dad and tell him that we've... [clears throat] made pies and can I bring one over for dessert." "I was gonna come grab a bite to eat and say hi to y'all and spend a little bit of time with you and Kimmy and Chelsea and Christina." "OK." "Never mind." "I just thought that's what you were asking." "I thought that's what you wanted." "Never mind." "I'm just not gonna come, Dad." "OK." "Well, you know what?" "I'm sorry, and I absolutely regret trying to come out of my way to come and see you guys, so..." "I'm not upset at you." "I'm not upset at you." "I'm just literally telling you that this..." "Plans change." "Sorry." "Didn't mean to impose." "I literally don't know what to say." "I'm not interested in arguing with you." "Because I'm not interested in..." "I'm sorry that I..." "All right." "Happy Thanksgiving." "My [bleep] family, dude." "I just..." "Happy Thanksgiving." "Oh, yeah." "Happy Thanksgiving." "[gulp]" "Um..." "I keep trying to be angry at my family for being, like, broken, but I'm having a really nice Thanksgiving." "Yeah." "You know, ohh..." "Man, they look so good." "Dylan, smile with the pies." "1, 2, 3." "Very nice." "There you go." "Suzy:" "Are those deviled eggs?" "Yes." "Ohh..." "Joe:" "Yeah." "Mom..." "Ha ha ha!" "My deviled eggs are very good." "They're my mother's." "Oh, they're beautiful." "Um, yeah." "This one would let me pretty much do anything." "I mean, I put her in skirts and dresses, but what I loved was, she wanted to wear pants, and that was the funny thing that I remember." "Her idol was Katherine Hepburn, and I thought, "I love that." "I just love that."" "Suzy:" "He said, "I'm gay," and I said," ""Well, of course you are."" "I said, "Thank goodness." "I thought you were gonna tell me you were transgender."" "Lynn:" "You knew that!" "Well, because I watch Oprah," " or did, and..." " [laughter]" "Ben:" "For me when I came out, it wasn't like..." "I mean, there was a part of me that was, like, there's that relief where I was like, "I found it."" "Joe: "Oh, my God, I know what it is."" "Yeah. "I finally found it,"" "but then it was almost like opening a door to nowhere." "There was only work to be done." "The last couple years, I have really spent trying to find the answers as to who I am and what that means and how gender's involved in that, and now I'm not sure I know much more than I started with," "but I'm happier, so I think that means something." "I think for my parents, like, even at this point, they want to be like," ""You're great." "You're trans." "You're a boy." "You're great."" "And for me, like, I still have so much baggage, like, and it's not, like, bad baggage." "It's just, like, I will need to do work to, like, heal myself from how painful this has been, you know?" "Right." "I know, and so much of it, you know, there's, like, the body part, of course, and then there's the whole, like, social and mental and emotional part, and that's the part that at least people" "on the outside don't see a lot." " You got, like..." " Yeah." "Ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "Hey, Joe, check out who's working in the merch department making t-shirts." " It's my mom." " Hey there." "Ha ha!" "Looks good." "See you soon, buddy." "I like to go over it twice just because." "All right, so just pull it up." "Ah, see?" "I was right there." "Nice work, Mom." "[Acoustic guitar playing]" "[clears throat]" "♪ Mama, I'm sorry ♪" "♪ I didn't mean to make you cry ♪" "♪ I've been trying to say hello ♪" "♪ You thought I was saying good-bye ♪" "♪ I know some things ♪" "♪ Aren't for us to decide ♪" "♪ I hope you think I'm turning out all right ♪" "♪ Mama, I'm grateful ♪" "♪ That I get this chance to rise ♪" "♪ To wake up one more day ♪" "♪ And see this world with brand-new eyes ♪" "♪ I know it was your love that gave me life ♪" "♪ I hope you're proud ♪" "♪ Of how bright I can shine ♪" "♪ 'Cause when I look inside ♪" "♪ I can always see ♪" "♪ The child in this world ♪" "♪ I know I'm blessed to be ♪" "♪ This one's for my family ♪" "♪ This one's for my family ♪" "♪ This one's for my family ♪" "♪ This one's for my family ♪" "♪ If the only truth you have is that you're living a lie ♪" "♪ And if time won't free the pain ♪" "♪ You've held hostage in your mind ♪" "♪ Fear not my love ♪" "♪ If the skin your soul embodies ♪" "♪ Doesn't seem to fit quite right ♪" "♪ And you hate what their god gave you ♪" "♪ Fear not my love ♪" "♪ My love ♪" "♪ My love ♪"