"24, 26." "SASHA:" "Oh, my God." "Joni, there are so many hotties in your class." "You are so gonna hook up the first week." "Just because you're a 24-hour drive-thru doesn't mean everyone else has to be." "SASHA:" "Hey, she worked her ass off." "She deserves some hot jock sausage." "Gross." "That's disgusting." "Why don't you guys just do it and get it over with?" "What?" "I'm just saying." "Maybe because we're friends." "CLAY:" "B minus in geometry, dude." "This shit is the bomb." "Add that shit up." "Don't be such a bitch, dude." "Yeah." "CLAY'S FATH ER:" "Hey, ladies!" "Come on, take it down a notch." "Hey!" "Hey!" "What did I just say, huh?" "Come here." "Come here, big boy." "Let's see what you got." "Come on, get him!" "Come on, what you got?" "Let's see it." "Come on." "Come on, Dad." "Your pits smell like burnt ass." "CLAY'S FATH ER:" "Burnt ass?" "CLAY:" "Yeah." "Get out of here." "Take it to his house." "Laser, cut it out." "That's driving me crazy." "I'm not doing anything." "Calm down." "You calm down." "H i, guys." "Hey, babe." "Hey, Mom." "NIC:" "Sorry I'm late." "No, don't worry." "We just started." "Come on." "That's enough." "Oh, my God." "27 fibroids." "All in the lining." "(GROANING) That's disgusting." "Yeah." "We're eating." "Wow." "Did they do that laparoscopically?" "That's right, smart girl." "We got them all." "Hey, whose truck is that?" "Mine." "Yours?" "Isn't it wicked?" "Mmm-hmm." "For the business." "What business?" "Oh, you mean the gardening?" "Isn't it landscape design?" "Thank you very much." "I got a great deal." "It was super cheap." "Okay." "Do we have any more of the Fiddlehead?" "I don't know." "I didn't look, honey." "(CELL PHONE BUZZING)" "Hey, what's up?" "CLAY:" "Yo, what's up, dude?" "Laser, no phone calls at the table, all right?" "Dude, I shaved my dog." "Are you still feeling it?" "Yeah." "Hey, let me hit you back." "For sure." "Who's that?" "That was nobody." "J ust Clay." "Can I ask you something?" "What do you get from your relationship with Clay?" "What do you mean "get"?" "Well, we just feel like he's a little untended." "Do you think he's the kind of person who's gonna help you grow?" "Hey, did you get started on those thank-you notes for the birthday presents?" "Mom, you're windshield wiping." "Come on." "JONI:" "Not yet, but I will." "NIC:" "Okay." "I just think it's better to knock them out when it's fresh." "Yeah, I'll do them tonight." "I mean, you don't want to have to start with an apology." "You know?" "Then it's embarrassing." "Mom, I know." "JULES:" "It's okay, honey." "She got it." "Let it go." "Okay." "I'll let it go." "I mean, if it was up to you, our kids wouldn't even write thank-you notes." "You know, they'd just send out good vibes." "JULES:" "That's not nice." "(LAUGHING)" "Do you believe our baby's 18?" "No, I can't." "You big girl." "Such a big girl." "Big girl." "Big girl." "Mom." "What?" "Oh." "Thank you." "LASER:" "Hey." "Hey." "What are you doing?" "Writing my thank-you notes." "That's good." "You know, you don't have to start with an apology." "Yeah, that'd be embarrassing." "That's terrible." "Hey, have you thought any more about making that call?" "Yeah, I don't want to." "How can you not even be curious about it?" "Look, I'm leaving soon, and I don't want to have to deal with that right now." "Also, that could really hurt Moms' feelings." "God, why do you have to worry about them so much?" "They don't even have to know about it." "Look, you can do it when you turn 18, okay?" "I never ask you for anything." "I just don't understand why you bought the truck now." "Because if I'm gonna start this business," "I need something to haul my equipment in." "Okay." "It just seems a little cart before the horse." "What does that mean?" "Well, sweetie, you don't have any clients yet." "You know, you're the one who's always telling me to act "as if."" "That's true." "I do." "You're right." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "It's good you bought the truck." "It's proactive." "Yeah." "Hey, you wanna watch a movie?" "A movie-movie?" "Yeah." "We haven't done that in a while." "All right." "(JULES MOANING)" "(VIBRATOR BUZZING)" "NIC:" "You know, I don't like the guys in this one." "They're too shaved." "JULES:" "Don't focus on it." "Okay." "(MEN GROANING ON TV)" "MAN: (ON TV) Fuck." "Oh, my God." "Hey, hey, I'm cold." "JULES:" "I can't breathe, honey." "Well... (TV VOLUME INCREASING) Shit!" "Shit!" "(MEN GROANING ON TV)" "Where's the remote?" "Where's the remote?" "(SOUND SWITCHING OFF)" "Oh, my God." "The whole neighborhood heard that." "JULES:" "No, they didn't." "Shit." "That was a vibe kill." "Hey, hey, Brooke, can you do me a favor?" "Can you get that Swiss chard for me?" "Sure, no problem." "Thanks." "How are you?" "Hey, Paul." "Hey, foxy." "Hey." "Mmm." "Flapjack, you are smelling ripe." "Oh, sorry." "That's all right." "I kind of like it." "Oh, yeah?" "It's earthy." "I've been out in the garden hoeing." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "How are we doing tonight?" "It's gonna be tight." "Oh, really?" "Go to work." "(CELL PHONE RINGING)" "See you." "Hello?" "WEN DY:" "Hi." "Is this Paul Hatfield?" "Yes, it is." "Who's this?" "My name is Wendy Mitner, and I'm calling from The Pacific Cryobank." "Okay, Wendy Mitner." "What can I do for you?" "I just need to confirm that this is the same Paul Hatfield that donated sperm with us between 1991 and 1993." "Yeah, I did a little bit of that back then, sure." "Well, as you know, the Cryobank has a confidentiality policy which prohibits us from releasing your identity without your consent." "No..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew that." "Well, we've been contacted by a young woman conceived using your donation, and she's asked if you'd be open to having contact with her." "Yeah, I'd be conceivably into something like that." "Yeah." "Great, Mr. Hatfield." "I'll let her know and get back in touch soon." "Thanks." "Oh..." "I mean, I was 19 years old." "It was, like, just so long ago." "I totally forgot about it." "I never thought they'd ever use my stuff." "TANYA:" "Why not?" "Well, I'd use it." "Oh, baby." "It's weird." "There's a kid out there." "I mean, I'm kind of curious, I think." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "So what are you gonna do?" "I don't know." "What would you do?" "I don't know." "You got to figure it out." "Yeah, no doubt." "All right, I got to go now." "All right." "Thanks for coming." "It was really nice." "I'll see you tomorrow." "So, drive safe." "JULES:" "M-E-R. "Zoomer."" "JONI:" "No way." "That is so not a word." "No, it totally is." "That's not a word." "If you're gonna zoom somewhere, then you're a zoomer." "A person who zooms." "(CELL PHONE RINGING)" "So that would be..." "Let's see, that's 31..." "Hello?" "PAUL:" "Hi." "I'm looking for Joni Allgood." "Yeah, this is she." "Hey." "(STUTTERING) This is Paul, your donor." "Eleven points for Mommy." "Oh!" "H i." "Hey." "Don't be a zoomer." "PAUL:" "Hey." "Come back." "Is this a good time to talk?" "Yeah." "No, this is great." "So, how are you?" "How are you?" "I'm good." "How are you?" "I'm well, thanks." "Wendy at the Cryobank was talking about maybe..." "JONI:" "Oh, yeah." "Well." "Actually, my brother asked if I'd call you, because I'm 18, and he's only 15, which is, you know, which is too young to call." "Anyway, he'd like to meet you." "You know, if you want to." "Your brother?" "Yeah." "Well, technically he's my half-brother." "Each of my moms had a kid, you know, with..." "With your..." "With your sperm." "Like in both of them?" "Yeah." "Like in two?" "U h-huh." "Like in gay." "Oh!" "Right." "Right." "Right on." "Right on." "Yeah, cool." "I..." "I love lesbians." "Great." "So you wanna," "I don't know, get a bite to eat or something?" "You and your brother?" "I just don't want you to have big expectations." "Will you quit saying that?" "I have no expectations, all right?" "Okay." "I'm just saying." "He might be weird." "I mean, he donated sperm." "That's weird." "Well, you know, if he hadn't, we wouldn't be here, so respect." "Hello?" "Hey." "Hey." "You're Joni, right?" "H i, I'm Joni." "I'm Paul." "N ice to meet you." "N ice to meet you." "You must be Laser?" "Laser, yeah." "Right on." "That's a very cool name." "Thanks." "Well..." "Cool." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Listen, you know, feel free to ask me anything, anything you want." "Cool, thanks." "Yeah." "Cool." "Laser, do you have any questions that you wanna ask?" "Go ahead, shoot." "Anything." "I didn't really have any, you know, specific questions or anything, so..." "Nothing?" "Not really." "Well, I mean, I'd love to know more about you guys." "Everything." "I mean..." "So what do you do, Joni?" "What are you into?" "I just graduated high school, and I'm starting college in the fall, so..." "Hey, that's great." "Congratulations." "Thanks." "LASER:" "Yeah, Joni's the brains in the family." "She's got the National Merit Scholarship for science." "Shut the front door." "Okay, Laser, thanks." "Wow." "LASER:" "I'm just telling him you're smart." "No, I just work harder than you." "Hey, Laze, seriously, don't sweat school, man." "I mean, I didn't do well in school either, and I'm not doing so badly now, right?" "It's Laser." "Yeah." "Sorry." "Laser." "Right." "LASER:" "It's cool." "So, what are you into, Laser?" "Laser's an amazing athlete." "Really?" "Yeah?" "Did you ever play any sports in school or..." "PAUL:" "I did a little B-ball in junior high." "That's cool." "Was that it or..." "Well, the whole "team" thing just got on my nerves after a while, you know?" "It was like, "Hey, let's go kick some ass, man! " And..." "What about you?" "I play soccer, basketball, baseball." "You know, all the team sort of sports." "PAUL:" "Hey, man," "I wasn't generally bagging on teams." "I mean, teams are great." "I'm just weird that way." "I like teams." "They're cool." "Cool." "So this is your place, right?" "Yeah, yeah, this is mine." "It's cool." "You know, I've been working on it for a while." "I also have a little organic co-op farm just up the street here." "Just keeping it kind of local and organic and simple, American food." "That's so cool." "I'm totally into local." "PAUL:" "Yeah?" "You are?" "Yeah, Laser." "I've been trying to get Moms, you know, to buy local for ages." "LASER:" "All right." "We're just over here." "There." "LASER:" "Right." "Yeah." "Okay." "Is that your bike?" "Yeah, yeah." "You like motorcycles?" "Yeah, I love them, but, you know, our moms are kind of anti-motorcycle." "By "kind of" he means that they'd kill us if we ever rode one, so..." "Oh, that's too bad." "They're a lot of fun." "Yeah, I'm sure." "Cool." "PAUL:" "Cool." "JONI:" "Yeah." "It was great..." "Great meeting you, yeah." "N ice to meet you, too." "Yeah." "It's okay, right?" "Good?" "JONI:" "Yeah, for sure." "Hey, Laser, really nice to meet you." "Yeah, you too." "PAUL:" "All right." "LASER:" "All right." "So long." "Bye." "Keep in touch." "Yeah." "Okay?" "Yeah." "(INAUDIBLE)" "Wow." "I just never pictured him that way, you know?" "He was so cool and interesting." "Yeah, he's all right." "What do you mean "all right"?" "Laser, you're the one who wanted to meet him so bad." "I know." "Yeah, so what did you think of him?" "I think he's all right." "I mean, I think he's a little into himself." "God." "What?" "You're asking my opinion." "Whatever." "We are so not telling Moms." "Why not?" "Ha, ha." "Very funny." "He wants to die!" "He wants to die." "Remind me not to take heroin in Morocco." "Or Uganda." "Yeah." "I hate it when that happens." "MAN: (ON TV) ...it is now time to call it." "Someone took my knife." "I want my knife back!" "(DOOR CLOSING)" "Hey, bug, come here." "We're watching Locked Up Abroad." "MAN: (ON TV) I want my knife back!" "Yeah, I've seen that one." "It's good." "Where you going?" "Clay's." "NIC:" "Don't be back late." "I know, I know, I know." "Hey, hey." "Come give us a hug before you go." "H ugs." "Come on." "No, Mom." "Hug her." "That's what she's there for." "Maybe we should just sit him down and ask him already." "What? "Are you and Clay fucking?"" ""Exploring" is a better word." "Yeah, well, so, you know, what if they are "exploring"?" "This is the age for that." "We should be good with that." "We should." "We should." "I just don't understand why he's exploring with that loser." "We don't really know what's going on." "We shouldn't jump to conclusions." "I feel like he has so much potential." "He's just wasting it." "(SCOFFING)" "What are you trying to say?" "What do you mean, what am I trying to say?" "I just, you know, I feel like there's some subtext here." "What are you talking about?" "You know, "like mother, like son"?" "Both of us wandering in the dark, aimless, "wasting our potential."" "Honey, you're on a whole other tangent." "I have no idea what you're talking about." "Well, you know, maybe it hasn't risen to the plane of consciousness for you yet." "Yeah." "Maybe." "Someone took my knife." "So what were they like?" "They were really sweet kids." "The boy was this little, you know, kind of sensitive jock-type kid, and the girl was really innocent but just whip-smart and super, super cute." "Sounds like you really liked them, like you guys connected." "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, I kind of did." "Wow." "So how'd you leave it?" "I mean, are you gonna see them again?" "I..." "Hey, Brooke." "Hey, Paul." "Check these out." "PAUL:" "How you doing?" "BROOKE:" "Good." "Wow, look at those strawberries, man." "They're just..." "Aren't they beautiful?" "I thought you should have the first taste." "PAUL:" "Thank you." ""I thought you should have the first taste" of my pussy." "(LAUGHING) I'm sorry." "Dude, I don't even think they smoke pot." "Dude, hold up." "(CLAY EXCLAIMING)" "Come on, let's go." "Seriously." "(BUZZING)" "Oh!" "Dude!" "God, disgusting!" "Come on, let's go." "It's alive, dude!" "Put it back." "Fine, fine, fine." "Sweet!" "Dude, we're watching this." "You think the whole thing's like this?" "LASER:" "Maybe..." "Maybe we should fast forward." "Laser, you left your bike in the driveway again." "NIC:" "Laser, your mom and I accept and love you unconditionally." "You know that, right?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "And you know that you can be open with us about anything." "Yeah, I know." "Okay." "Laser, do you want to talk to us about anything?" "Like what?" "J ust anything." "You know, anything on your mind." "Well, there is something." "But it's more of a question, though." "That's okay." "We won't judge you." "Why do you guys watch gay man porn?" "Well, first I have to say that we rarely watch that movie." "Honey." "And, second, I really don't appreciate you snooping around our room, okay?" "Was that Clay's idea?" "No, Mom." "Wait a minute." "I have to say, again, I don't like him." "I know." "I know." "Okay, he seems unstable." "Honey, honey, that's not what he asked." "Do you want to answer his question?" "Yeah, okay." "Well, sweetie, you know, human sexuality is complicated." "And sometimes desire can be, you know, counterintuitive." "You know, for example, because women's sexual responsiveness is internalized, sometimes it's exciting for us to see responsiveness externalized, like with a..." "Like with a penis." "Wouldn't you guys just rather watch girls doing it, though?" "Well, you would think that." "But usually in these movies, they hire two straight women to pretend, and the inauthenticity is just unbearable." "Whoa, that's enough." "Laser, your mom and I sense that there's some other stuff going on in your life." "We just want to be let in." "What do you mean?" "Are you having a relationship with someone?" "You can tell us, honey." "We would understand and support you." "Look, I only met him once." "What do you mean once?" "Did he find you online?" "NIC:" "Wait." "What?" "Wait, wait, who did you meet once?" "Paul." "I met him with Joni." "JULES:" "Paul?" "Who's Paul?" "Why was Joni there?" "She set it up." "Wait, forget the set-up." "Who's Paul?" "Our sperm donor." "Did you guys think I was gay?" "No." "No way." "JULES:" "Of course not." "Yeah, I mean, we understand that you'd be curious about your biological father." "I mean, it's completely natural." "But why didn't you tell us?" "Because we knew you'd be upset." "We're not upset!" "No, no, no." "We're not." "We wish that you'd included us in the conversation." "That's all." "You know?" "But..." "But you met him, and that's cool." "And now, we can move on." "Actually, I want to see him again." "You do?" "Yeah, I was gonna tell you." "Well, no." "Okay?" "No way." "No one's seeing anyone until we meet him." "I get it, okay?" "He's their biological father and all that crap." "But it still feels really shitty." "Like we're not enough or something, you know?" "Of course I know." "You know, I don't..." "I don't want to time-share our kids with anybody." "Especially when it's Joni's last summer at home." "No way." "Jesus, Jules!" "The plumber was just here." "God, it's gross." "(SOFTLY) Look, we have to be smart about this." "You know, if we act like grubby bitches, we're just gonna make it worse." "I know." "Let's just kill him with kindness and put it to bed." "I'm with you, honey." "We're gonna get through this, okay?" "I love you, chicken." "I love you, too, pony." "Paul." "It's so great to meet you." "H i." "Yeah." "Great to meet you, too." "Hey." "Jules." "Hello, Jules." "I'm Nic." "Hi, Nic." "Hi." "I hope the traffic wasn't too bad." "No, I took my motorcycle, so I pretty much just weave through it." "Oh, great." "I brought you this." "I don't know if you folks drink wine." "Oh, no, are you kidding?" "We love it." "Wow, a Petite Sirah." "What a treat!" "'86." "Yeah." "I'll get some glasses." "All right." "Yeah." "Wow." "Beautiful house." "Yeah, thanks." "Thanks." "You guys been here a long time?" "Yeah." "You know, about 10 years." "God, has it been that long?" "I mean..." "That's..." "Yeah." "You know them, yeah." "Hey, Joni." "How you doing?" "Good, how are you?" "Good." "Hey, man." "Hey." "What's up, man?" "You okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah, great." "Go easy on the wine, hon." "It's daytime." "Okay." "Same goes for the micromanaging." "Okay?" "So, Paul, did you always know that..." "Yes." "...that you wanted to be in the food services industry?" "I always liked food." "Oh, yeah." "No, I was asking because I remember when I was reading your file, back when we were looking for, you know, sperm..." "Can I have the potato salad, babe?" "Sure." "Anyway, you said that you were studying international relations." "Oh, yeah." "Wow, that was a..." "That was a long time ago." "Yeah, I was considering it, but then I dropped out of school." "You dropped out of college?" "Yeah, it just wasn't my thing." "No?" "Why's that?" "PAUL:" "I don't know." "It just seemed like a massive waste of money after a while, you know?" "I was just sitting on my ass listening to people spout ideas" "I could just as easily have learned in a book." "Oh." "Okay." "I'm not saying that, you know," "I think that higher learning uniformly blows." "You know, I think college is great for some people." "Joni, I'm sure you're gonna love it." "But just..." "I'm a doer." "That's how I learn." "It's just me." "I'm weird that way, I guess." "Thank you." "Which is probably why I'm in the food services industry." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Right." "LASER:" "Hey, Mom, you see what he did there, right?" "You said "food services industry,"" "so then he said "food services industry."" "Yeah." "I got that, Laser." "Thanks." "So, Paul, what about your..." "What about your social life?" "My social life?" "Yeah, you know, are you married, divorced, seeing anyone?" "Mom." "NIC:" "What?" "We're getting to know Paul." "It's okay." "No, no, it's okay." "I..." "No, I've never been married nor divorced." "I date sometimes, but I'm really just kind of focused on my restaurant right now." "NIC:" "Well, that's..." "Yeah." "Makes sense." "So, cheers." "Yeah." "Cheers." "Excellent wine, by the way." "Thank you." "How old are you again?" "You must be the griller of the family." "JULES:" "Yeah." "NIC:" "No, that's okay." "JULES:" "I like to be positive." "NIC:" "Yeah." "So how'd you two meet?" "We met at UCLA." "I was a resident, and Jules had an emergency." "My tongue was numb." "(LASER GROANING)" "Really?" "Your tongue?" "Laser." "Oh, my God." "It's not nice." "No, that's not nice." "I mean, we've heard that story 100, 000 times." "What happened to your tongue?" "I don't know." "I mean, I lost all the feeling in my face and my tongue." "And then, you know, I got really nervous 'cause I thought that I was gonna gag and, you know, maybe like..." "Choke?" "Die?" "Yeah, exactly." "What'd you do to help her?" "NIC:" "I gave her a Valium, and I told her to relax and tried to get her to talk, you know, move her tongue around." "Yeah." "Actually, she started teasing me, and that really helped." "I was trying to distract you." "I know." "It worked." "You were really funny." "You were really pretty." "And then, you know, my tongue started working again." "(NIC AND JULES LAUGHING)" "PAUL:" "Sure." "LASER:" "God, Mom, please." "NIC:" "Yeah." "Wow, we've been glued at the hip ever since." "JULES:" "Yeah." "PAUL:" "No doubt." "Yeah." "Great." "Great story." "Yeah, we like it." "So, N ic, you, you're a doctor, I know that." "But what are you into, Jules?" "What do you do?" "Well, you know, I mean, I studied architecture in college." "PAUL:" "Right." "But I'm not really an architect." "I mean, I was on my way to becoming one, but I quit before the kids were born." "That happens." "And then when they got a little bit older," "I started a Balinese furniture import business." "Right on." "But that didn't really work out." "PAUL:" "Yeah, businesses aren't easy." "Yeah." "But I'm in the process of starting a new business." "Great, good for you." "What's that?" "Landscape design." "I mean, you know, not gardening." "I mean, you know, there's a gardening component, but, really, the real work is in creating unique, eco-friendly spaces that, you know, the surrounding, that blend, you know, with the surrounding environment." "You know what I mean?" "Definitely." "Most definitely." "Yeah." "Hey, Joni, did you tell Paul about your graduation speech?" "No, she didn't tell me." "It was so full of wisdom and hope." "JULES:" "Yeah." "Hey, go get it." "You know, I bet Paul would like to hear it." "No, Mom, I'm sure he wouldn't." "NIC:" "No, no, no, sure he would." "Go on, go get it." "No, I don't want to." "Sweetie, don't be embarrassed." "Mom, I'm not embarrassed." "Jesus, give it a rest." "J ust let it go." "I'm gonna get some ice cream." "I'll help." "Okay." "Honey, it's your fourth glass." "Actually, it's my third." "But, you know, thanks for counting." "Hey, I was..." "You know, I was thinking." "I just bought this place last year, and it's..." "I mean, the backyard's a wreck." "Would you be interested in maybe coming and doing some work for me?" "That's okay." "PAUL:" "No, seriously." "I can't..." "I don't have time to do it myself and..." "Well, I mean, that's really sweet of you, but you should think about it, you know." "PAUL:" "No, why?" "I just did." "I mean, it's all right if you're not up for it." "It's okay." "No, I am." "I'm up for it." "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "Hey..." "PAUL:" "All right." "Okay." "PAUL:" "Great." "Excellent." "Right on." "Yeah." "I'm just saying, the plan was to limit his involvement." "You're unbelievable." "I mean, you're all about me getting clients." "And then I get a client, and you're like, "Oh, no, not him."" "Yeah." "But he's not just a client, Jules." "He's our sperm donor." "I mean, haven't you heard the expression "don't shit where you eat"?" "Yes, and I think it's disgusting." "Okay, I'm sorry." "Look, he just seemed so self-satisfied to me." "You know?" "Yeah, he was working the "alternative" thing pretty hard." "Oh, my God." "When he said that thing about," ""Oh, I just need to get outside and do things, not sit on my ass and learn." ""But that's just me, you know." "I'm weird that way."" "(SIGHING)" "I'd certainly clean up a lot of this grass." "It's pretty..." "It's wasted." "Sure." "The lavender is so nice." "And with the sun that you have, that and, like, that rosemary, which kind of grow everywhere, and you wouldn't even have to think about it." "Yeah." "You could go like a whole, like, Secret Garden, kind of a trellis-y, like hidden kind of thing." "Or you could, you know, you could go like Asian-y." "Minimal." "You know, like rocks and kind of all clean and..." "Whatever you think." "Well, what do you think?" "You know what?" "I'm not..." "I'm not feeling minimal." "I really..." "I'm really liking more is more." "You know?" "I mean, let's not try to tame this space, okay?" "Let's just let it be like lush, overgrown, fecund." "Fecund." "Like fertile, yeah?" "No, I love that word." "You just, you don't hear people use it very often." "No, yeah." "Yeah, more is more." "Yeah, I like that." "Right on." "Let's do that." "I'm sorry." "What?" "I just keep seeing my kids' expressions in your face." "Really?" "Yeah." "Like that." "Like, "Really?" Like, yeah." "That's like Laser." "Hmm." "Well..." "Do you like patios?" "Yeah, patios are good." "Okay." "Yeah." "We could put a patio up there." "Where?" "Let's take a look." "SASHA:" "Hello." "Donor Dad?" "Stone cold fox." "Must you take everything beautiful and make it dirty?" "Okay." "I'm just saying." "Spermster's a hottie." "Is he single?" "(GROANING) Okay." "First of all, ew, and second, he's a really good person." "So I'd prefer it if you didn't taint him with your whore juice." "Fair enough, hairy muff." "I'm out of here." "You lovebirds can split my letters." "Do you want to keep playing?" "Sure." "Okay." "Sometimes I feel sorry for Sasha, you know?" "Yeah." "It's like she has to sexualize every experience, you know?" "It's just sad." "Yeah." "Yeah, I know." "That's sad." "JULES:" "Oh, come on." "Hi ya, what's the score?" "Pretty close." "NIC:" "Yeah?" "20 to three." "Match point." "So how'd it go today?" "It was good." "We settled on a concept." "Ah." "What is it?" "Well, you know, it's kind of..." "It's kind of hard to explain." "You really have to see the space." "Okay." "Hey, Laser, did you write the get-well card for Pup-pup?" "(SIGHING)" "Laser, come on." "What do I have to do?" "I bought you the card." "I put it on your desk." "All you have to do is sign it." "Mom, just settle down, okay?" "I'll do it." "Hey." "You don't tell me to settle, mister." "If it's not in the mail by tomorrow morning, we're not going to the Dodger game Saturday, okay?" "Whatever." "I have other plans anyways." "What other plans?" "I asked you a question." "I said I'd do something with Paul, okay?" "God!" "Shit!" "I believe this might not be such a good idea." "Are you filming?" "Yeah." "He's not gonna make that." "You're not gonna make that, Clay." "No way." "Let's do something different." "Will you quit being such a choch and run the camera?" "I'm only doing this once, so keep my shit in frame." "LASER:" "All right." "All right, I got it." "(GROANING)" "Shit!" "Dude!" "(GROANING)" "Clay, are you all right?" "Fuck!" "Did you get it, dude?" "PAUL:" "Clay, you all right, bro?" "Seriously, are you okay?" "I'm fucking fine!" "Fuck!" "Did you fucking get it?" "God!" "Yeah, I got it." "Fuck, dude." "PAUL:" "Clay..." "That was fucking crazy." "PAUL:" "Where's your place, Clay, up here?" "CLAY:" "Yeah, right here on the right." "This is good." "PAUL:" "Cool here?" "Yeah." "You take care." "Later." "See you." "Let's wait till he gets to the house." "Maybe we could hang out together just you and me next time." "Clay's cool." "He just..." "You know, he gets a little amped sometimes." "That's not amped, man." "That's being a tool." "No, he's not a tool, okay?" "That's just his way." "Yeah, I don't like the way he was talking to you at all." "Well, you know what?" "You don't know him very well, do you?" "I mean, you hung out with him once." "You're right." "I don't know him." "Can I ask you something?" "Sure." "Why'd you donate sperm?" "It just seemed like a lot more fun than donating blood." "No, I loved the idea of helping people." "People who were in need, you know, wanted to have kids and couldn't." "So then you did it to help people?" "It was a long time ago." "How much did you get paid?" "Why do you want to know that?" "I'm just curious." "I got paid 60 bucks a pop." "That's it?" "Well, it was, like, a lot of money to me at the time." "And with inflation, it's like $90 today." "Hey." "I'm glad I did it." "Whoa." "What's this?" "H i." "Come here." "Come here." "Sit down." "I'm sorry that I've been so edgy lately, you know." "I know I haven't been my highest self." "Yeah." "And you've been really patient with me." "And I just want you to know that that hasn't gone unrecognized, okay?" "How's the water?" "It's perfect." "You wanna come in?" "In a minute." "You enjoy it first." "(SIGHING)" "I forgot the lavender bath salts." "Oh, I don't care." "No, no, no." "I wanna get them." "I got them special." "Don't go." "Don't." "Don't move." "I'll be right back." "(SIGHING)" "Nic?" "Hey, Nic?" "Jesus!" "NIC:" "U h-huh." "Right." "No, I understand." "I understand where the pain is, but it doesn't sound like a contraction." "It sounds more like gas." "(MOUTHING) I'm sorry." "Fuck!" "Right." "Okay." "All right, this is our plan." "I don't think you should worry, and I think you should just call me back if it continues." "PAUL:" "You sure you don't want any coffee?" "No thanks." "It's good." "JULES:" "I'm all right." "But I think I'm gonna go to the nursery tomorrow, so I want you to sign off on this Bougainvillea." "PAUL:" "Sure." "What is this?" "Did you make it?" "Yeah." "That's some pie I made." "It's right from my garden." "It's strawberry-rhubarb." "Here." "Try." "Yeah, okay." "Twist my arm." "Oh, my God." "It's good, huh?" "That's criminal." "Have some more." "No." "No, please, just take it away." "Come on." "You had one bite." "No, if I have one more, you're gonna have to tape it to my ass 'cause that's where it's gonna end up." "Hey now, don't go negative on your ass." "No reason for that." "You're good with the plants, then?" "(CLEARING THROAT)" "'Cause, you know, I can change it." "If you're not happy with it, we can do something else." "No." "No, no." "I'm..." "We can get whatever you want, you know?" "I'm just thinking." "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah, I'm good with them." "They're great." "Oh." "They're great." "Sorry." "Sometimes I mistake silence for criticism." "I wasn't criticizing you." "No, no, I just, you know..." "Sometimes Nic can be a little critical 'cause she's a perfectionist." "Well, I don't see why you'd take it that way." "I think you're really talented." "Really?" "Really." "(KNOCKING AT DOOR)" "Excuse me, señora?" "Yeah?" "5: 00." "Okay, thanks." "Same time tomorrow?" "Yeah." "Same time tomorrow." "Good night." "Thank you." "Okay, good night." "Thank you." "Whew!" "I should get going, too." "(MIMICKING GARDENER'S ACCENT) Same time tomorrow?" "That's mean." "Take this." "No." "U h-uh." "I don't want it." "Take it." "No." "For the kids." "No." "I don't want it." "Come on." "No." "God, you are such a pusher." "Oh!" "Wow." "Okay." "(LAUGHING UNCOMFORTABLY)" "I don't know where that came from." "I'm sorry." "I'm really sorry." "I..." "J ules." "I'm gonna just go and..." "It's okay." "No, I just..." "It's okay." "It was okay." "But I shall return!" "What?" "So how'd it go with Paul today?" "What do you mean?" "Well, did you break ground?" "Did you dig in?" "I don't know the terms." "We just talked, conceptually." "Oh, wow." "(MIMICKING PAUL) So it was less of a "doing" day?" "Was he okay with that?" "You know, I think we should lay off the Paul digs a little." "Oh, okay." "And I also think we should start composting." "Hey, take this." "Thanks." "You got that fair skin." "(CELL PHONE RINGING)" "You don't have my peasant blood." "(GROANING) Ignore." "Who's that?" "My mom, N ic." "She's driving me crazy." "Yeah?" "What's she doing?" "She's treating me like I'm 12." "It's like she doesn't want to admit that I'm an adult." "Well, that's your mom." "That's her job." "What?" "To smother me to death?" "That's not her job." "If you want things to be different, you got to do that, make that happen yourself." "That's your job." "Yeah." "Do you like peppers?" "Yeah." "Thanks." "LASER:" "There's no way, dude." "You missed it by, like, 20 feet." "Well, if Paul wasn't there, I could have made it." "That guy creeps me out." "He's kind of a fag, dude, trying to act like your dad and shit." "Whatever, all right?" "(DOG BARKING)" "Hey, buddy." "Hey." "I've seen this dog around here before." "I think he's lost." "Let's pee on his head." "What?" "No." "Where you going?" "Dude, what are you doing?" "Dude, just hold him." "Dude, quit it." "(MIMICKING LASER) "Dude, quit it."" "Go on, get out of here!" "Go!" "Why are you such a fag?" "Why are you such a fucking dick?"