"Hear me, Lucifer, Lord of Darkness." "Grant me, Adolf Manson, the power of your son Satan... to kill the scum that put me behind bars..." "Notch Johnson." "Mail call." "Chip, you´ve got a magazine from Germany." "Wunderbar." "My new issue of Goys´Life." "And,Jamaica, this came for you." "I wish I had something in my box." "Ah, not so fast, B.J." "Looks like another letter from your secret admirer." " Ooh." " Ooh." "Uh-oh." "Here´s a letter says that Chip and B.J. need to recertify." "No." "NotJamaica?" "How come she got out of it?" "Heh heh heh!" "You got to love affirmative action." "Hey!" "Morning, gang." " Hey, Notch." " Hey." "Any mail for me?" "Uh,just this junk letter." "Oh, that´s no junk letter, Kimberlee." "That´s my special weather report." "Remember, gang, the best weather reports come by bulk mail." "Oh, no." "What is it, Notch?" "This forecast." "Partly cloudy with a chance of tsunami." " [ Gasps ]" " It gets worse." "Malibu Adjacent will be hit with a tidal wave... 1 0 times the size of any tsunami... the one thejapanese call..." "Miso Honei." "[ All ] Miso Honei?" "Miso Honei." "Miso Honei." "Tonight´s episode..." "[ Announcer] Warning:" "Son of the Beach has been known... to cause laughter in laboratory mice." "Are you guys really gonna close the beach on account of that wave?" "Well, I´m afraid so, kids." "Kimberlee, let me handle this." "I´m afraid so, kids." "[ All ] Ohh." "See, if you were to surf Miso Honei... your neck would be snapped like a breadstick." "[ All ] Ohh." "Your eyeballs would be sucked out of their sockets." "[ All ] Eww." "And finally, a shark would come along... and eat your little winkies." "[ All ] Aah!" "Notch Johnson and Kimberlee Clark... my 2 favorite people." "What can I do for you, Mayor?" "Notch, 3 words:" "Surf Miso Honei." "I will not surf that wave." "Now, you listen to me, Johnson." "A wave like this comes around once in a lifetime." "On its own, it´s just a blip on the Weather Channel... but with you riding it, it´s a" "It´s a media frenzy." "One way or another, you´re gonna surf that wave." "Oh, it´s nothing to be ashamed of, Notch." "Who would ride that wave?" "I knew someone who rode that wave." "Really?" "Who?" "Question number 3 for our re-certification test." "What´s the best way to pick up a floater?" "I know." "Scoop up the floater." "What beautiful flowers." "Looks like they´re from your secret admirer again." "This guy must really care for you." "I wonder who he is." "But, Chip, we should really get back to studying." "Don´t even think about studying here." "Because of Notch and that big wave... this phone´s been ringing like a beeper on a pimp." "[ Ring ]" "See what I mean?" "S.P.F. 30." "Chip, where else can we bone up?" "My place is smaller than a machine-gun nest." "How about yours?" "OK, but my only furniture is a waterbed and ceiling mirror." "OK." "No." "No!" "How many times do a sister have to say no?" "It´s like...talkin´ to my stepdad." "I need a favor." "I realize we were lovers once, and lately I´ve avoided seeing you... but you know the beach much better than I do." "Fine, Anita." "But in return for my services..." "I get your panties." "I´m not wearing any panties." "Show me where they´d be if you were." "Fine." "I´m wearing panties." "Notch´s father died trying to surf that wave." ""Big Red Johnson..."" "And nobody loved him any more than his own son..." "Notchabald." "I´m out of luck." "Notch is the only one who can surf that wave." "There is one other guy." "Who-- Who is he?" "I´d like my payment now." "Grazie.!" "His name is Adolf Manson." "Notch put him behind bars for the rest of his life." "Chappy, you´ve just given me a scathingly brilliant idea." "[ Sniffs ]" "Ahh." "Wow, B.J., I can´t believe it." "I´m finally entering your nook." "I hope you like it." "It´s all pink inside." "[ Chip ] Your secret admirer is generous." ""Roses are red, violets are blue... when I think of B.J., I think of..." [ Speaking German ]" "I didn´t know what that last part meant." "It sounded kinda foreign." "It´s German." "Ah, here´s another one." ""B.J., your eyes are bluer than the Danube in spring." "Your skin is as white as the teeth... on a snarling Doberman puppy."" "[ Giggles ]" "B.J..." "I am the secret admirer." "So at least 1 2 hours before Miso Honei, we´ll need to evacuate." "The wave´s that destructive?" "Kimberlee, this thing is an earthquake, cyclone... and rap concert all in one." "So,Johnson... change your mind about surfing that wave?" "Nobody´s riding that wave." "Wrong, sweetie." "You see, I´ve found someone." "Johnson, say hello to an old friend of yours." "Adolf Manson." "[ Laughs Maniacally ]" "Awesome." "This one´s from my prison gang." "Whoa." "And this one says I worship Satan." "[ All ] Whoa." "And this one means I´m a member... of the National Rifle Association." "[ All ] Whoa!" "Uhh." "You´re disgusting." "How does someone like this get out of prison?" "This mayor slut granted me a furlough." "Ohh!" "Oh." "Ahh." "And all I gotta do is climb thatJap wave... and hang 1 0." "That´s right." "And if he survives... he´ll be a free man." "Praise Satan!" "[ Laughing Maniacally ]" "You´re gonna ride that wave, Mr. Manson?" "You´re so cool." "No, he´s not cool." "Tommy, can you hear me?" "He´s a waste of flesh... who could have used his surfing powers for good." "Well, if Mr. Manson´s gonna ride the wave... how come you´re not gonna ride it, Notch?" "Because I, uh..." "Because he´s a chicken." "Bawk bawk bu-gawk." "[ All ] Bawk!" "Bawk!" "Bawk!" "Bawk!" "Bawk!" "Bawk!" "Bawk!" "Come on, dudes, let´s go listen to Metallica... and make fun of handicapped people." "[ Kids ] Yeah!" "Yeah." "Notch Johnson, your archenemy... just ran off with your kids." "What are you gonna do now?" "All I can think about is you." "So you´re the one that´s been sending me German chocolates..." "German flowers, and genuine BMW motor parts?" "B.J., I think I´m in love with you." "But, Chip, we´re friends." "We work together." "You know the rules." "I know, Notch says don´t eat where you swim... but I have this fantasy." "It´s you and me on our wedding night." "Wow." "What would that be like?" "What´s wrong, Notch?" "I´ve never seen you act like this." "You know me too well, Kimberlee." "It´s like you put your whole fist inside me and pulled something out." "I didn´t think I knew you that well." "Kimberlee, this isn´t the first time..." "Miso Honei has come to Malibu Adjacent." "So travel back with me, would you?" "Back to the year..." "the 1 960s." "[ Notch ] I was standing on these very rocks... my rocks... watching my dad." "He was a giant among men... but a giant I never knew." "There wasn´t a wave he couldn´t conquer... until Miso Honei." "But his wave..." "and that big wave... is the last I remember of him." "[ Crying ]" "Oh, Notch, I´m sorry." "I had no idea." "And that fateful image is what I still carry today." "[ Crying ]" "Uh, Notch, do you wear" "What?" "My heart on my sleeve?" "Yeah, I´m afraid I do." "[ Crying ]" " [ Gasps ] - [ Gasps ]" "Lord have mercy." "Uh, uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, no!" "Do not tell me I am peeping this." "Look, you two want to have a secret loveJones, fine." "Don´t be askin´ a sister to break the rules... or you will be talkin´ to the hand." "[ Breathing Hard ]" " Awesome." " Wow." "[ All ] Whoa!" "[ Laughing Maniacally ]" "Ohh." "Dad, what am I gonna do?" "How can I teach these kids to follow the right path?" "Dad?" "Is that you?" "It that my Big Red Johnson?" "Yes, it is, son." "Now, what´s the problem?" "Aw, Dad, Miso Honei is back... and I´m afraid to surf it." "Son, never let yourself be afraid." "I can´t help it, Dad." "I miss you." "I miss the feel of your reassuring arm around my shoulder... your strong hands stroking my little head... my tender cheek poised against your firm and hairy bosom." "Son, is there something else you´d like to tell me?" "No, Dad." "Just tell me how to do it." "Tell me how to ride Miso Honei." "Notchabald, I was never there for you as a child." "But this time, if you ride Miso Honei..." "I will be there for you all the way." "Thanks, Dad." "I´m gonna ride that wave... and I´m gonna save my kids." "Yeah." "Whee!" "Whee!" "Son, are you sure there isn´t something else you´d like to tell me?" "Whee!" "Whee!" "Whee!" "From the crowded bluffs of Malibu Adjacent... this is your sports announcer... waiting out of harm´s way for the killer wave Miso Honei." "And when that wave finally arrives... it´ll be Notch Johnson versus Adolf Manson... in the greatest surfing death match of all time..." "You two ain´t in uniform?" "What´s up?" "We´re quitting the force." "Here´s our official letter of resigning." "This is whack." "You really down with this?" "We want a relationship." "Who knows?" "Maybe someday get married." "And then I´ll let Chip invade my fluffy love canal." "Does Notch know about this?" "Our supreme commander has enough to think about right now." "You file the letter... and then we´ll tell him after the wave." "Folks, our blimp has just picked up the first images of Miso Honei." "Oh, my God!" "That set is huge." "[ Kimberlee ] Notch, are you in here?" "Kimberlee, look." "My dad´s lucky trunks." "He wore these the day he drowned." "Ha ha." "Hey." "Uh, Notch, you think your dad was... real scared at the end?" "Probably so." "He never wiped out." "Yeah." "I can--I can see that." "Let´s sit here, sweetheart." "This´ll be a good view of the wave." "Let me clean it off for you, my little Volkswagen." "It´s so dusty..." "like your trailer." "There´s no dust in my trailer." "OK, OK, there´s no dust." "You think my place is a pigsty." "No." "I´ll do some cleaning when I move in." "Then we can repaint." "What?" "!" "You can´t tell me to repaint my trailer." "Of course I can." "I´m the man." "[ Speaking German ]" "Look, whatever, Chip." "[ Speaking German ]" "Just forget it." "You´re not gonna tell me what to do, mister." "I don´t think so!" "Nein.!" "Nein.!" "[ Kids ] Manson!" "Manson!" "Folks, Adolf Manson is in the house." "[ Cheering ]" "I understand you´re just out of jail to surf Miso Honei." "Thoughts?" "Yeah, I want all my little Mansons out there... to do somethin´ real bad." "I want ´em to break a window... trip someone, torture a neighbor´s pet!" "[ Laughing Maniacally ]" "[ Crowd ] Johnson!" "Johnson!" "Ladies and gentlemen, Notch Johnson has just entered the ring." "Notch, your thoughts before you ride the wave of death." "Kids,just remember, I´m doing this for you." "Tommy, can you see me?" "Uh, Notch, I want to tell you something." "Um, what I want to say is, uh... how much you mean to me, and I want to give you something." "Uh, how about a stick of gum?" "Oh, gum, what a refreshing treat." "Kimberlee, surf s up." "Come on, Manson." "Let´s get it on!" "[ Cheering ]" "[ Sports Announcer] Well, there they go." "It´s good versus evil, and so far, it´s a tie." "They seem to be handling the big lady without a hitch." "Uh-oh." "Notch Johnson is struggling." "Oh, no." "My fin must be loose." "How´d that happen?" "I unscrewed it." "Now you´re gonna die." "[ Laughing Maniacally ]" "Oh." "No!" "The gum, Notch." "Use the gum." "Huh?" "The gum?" "The gum." "Thanks, Dad." "[ Sports Announcer] Amazing!" "Notch Johnson has just fixed his board... with a piece of gum." "You´re supposed to die, you son of a bitch!" "Hey!" "Back off, bro." "Concentrate on the wave." "Quick, take my hand!" "I´ll save you." "Aah!" "Oh!" "There goes Adolf Manson." "There´s no way we´ll ever see him again." "Manson!" "Only 2 miles to go." "I can make it... but I´m Notch Johnson, and I gotta save a life." "I don´t believe it!" "Notch Johnson is actually trying to save Adolf Manson." "Jamaica, get Chip and B.J." "Notch needs our help." "[ Speaking German ]" "Speak English." "I told you, I don´t know what you´re saying." "Hey, you two." "Knock off the lovers quarrel." "We´ve got lifesaving to do." "We´re not lovers anymore." "Plus we quit the force." "I never filed the letter." "There goes Notch´s unit to save the drowning surfers." " Where is he?" " I don´t see them." " Notch!" " Notch!" "There´s Manson." "Go get him." "[ B.J. ] Notch!" "Notch!" "[ Sports Announcer] Folks... they found Adolf Manson and are bringing him in." "[ B.J. ] Notch!" "[ Sports Announcer] But time runs out... for Notch Johnson." "Notch is gonna die?" "That´s not what we wanted." "Uhh!" "He´s unconscious." "Don´t worry." "I´m on it." " Go!" " Clear!" "[ Groans ]" "Take his pulse." " [Jamaica ] OK." " Unh!" " Come on, go, go, go!" " Clear!" " Wait..." "Yeah, that´s it!" " All right!" "Very good, yes!" " That´s it!" " We did it!" "I couldn´t find him." "He´s gone." "[ All ] Ohh." "It´s all my fault." "Please, Notch." "Please come back." "[ Crying ]" "Folks, only a miracle can bring back Notch Johnson... the man who dived for our sins." "Look." "[ All ] Aww." "It´s a miracle." "Adolf, the S.P.F. 30 gang saved your life today." "Yeah." "I want to say I should have listened to Notch." "So I´m giving up worshipping Satan... and I´m going back to prison to do my time." "Besides that, I kinda miss my bitch." "Notch Johnson, you did it." "Not only did you conquer Miso Honei... but you saved a life in the process." "Thanks, Sports Announcer... but of course, I owe it all to my dad Big Red Johnson." "And...a piece of gum." "Oh." "[ Laughs ]" "B.J., now that we are back on the force... can we just be platonic?" "No, Chip, we should just be friends." "Notch, were you scared out there?" "Me, scared?" "Ha ha ha." "Not a bit." "Hi, teens." "Notch Johnson here." "Obviously tonight´s show was about incontinence." "Now, most people think it´s the elderly... who can´t control themselves." "Well, it´s not." "You see, even a youngster like myself... can suffer from what doctors call... lack of B.M. control." "So that´s why I developed..." "Notch Johnson´s Big Boy Snuggies." "Extra-absorbent, ultracomfortable... and you know something?" "The ladies like them, too." "Hi, Notch." "I like your adult diaper." "Thanks, ma´am." "So until next time, this is Notch Johnson... saying..." "ride the big one."