"You know the pain that I've endured these past few months, Leo?" "All for a new face?" "No, you couldn't even imagine it." "Look at ya, young, handsome..." "But you're still gonna be handsome, Lex." "Handsome?" "I had to cut into my face, my body and my voice, age myself 15 years," "15 years of my youth, lost." "Gone, for what?" "For what?" "So Superboy won't recognize you." "All because of Superboy." "I look like a..." "Like this." "I had to burn off my own fingerprints, Leo." "Tell me, can you fathom what I've had to put myself through to escape from Superboy?" "We'll get our revenge, Lex, we've got the plan." "Ah, yes." "Yes indeed." "We've got the plan." "Thanks to this clever gentleman and the astonishing weapon his firm has developed for Uncle Sam." "A weapon so powerful they've even named it the Superboy." "The Superboy!" "It's ironic the weapon that's so flatteringly named after the boy is the very one that'll snuff out his life." "I'm more concerned about Superboy." "You sure he's going to show up?" "Yes, he'll..." "He should be here." "And I do hope you appreciate the fact that I'm going in to take these photos." "So, don't blame me if they don't turn out." "Oh, hi, um, Lana Lang, Shuster College." "There should be two passes left for us by Superboy." "You're on the list but Superboy's not here yet." "Yeah, I know." "But I'm sure he'll show up, right, Clark?" "Right, right." "Thank you for coming, gentlemen." "Ooh, look at that Lana." "Mmm." "Oh, she's much too pretty to be hanging out with that four-eyed nerd, Clark Kent." "She always liked me, Leo." "Did you know that?" "Who wouldn't like you, Lex?" "A lot of people when they find out I'm the one that's gonna kill Superboy." "We are in position, sir." "Okay, standby." "Look, are you sure he's going to show up?" "Superboy never breaks a promise." "Come on, Lana, we've got things to do." "How about you take some photographs of the gun and I'll get an interview with the scientist who invented the weapon?" "Okay." "Okay?" "Uh-huh." "Sorry, I'm late in getting here, sir." "I can't tell you how much I appreciate your being here." "You've contributed so generously to good cause, it's the least I could do." "After all, the weapon's named after me." "Glad you could make it, Superboy." "It's showtime, folks." "Let's get this show on the road." "Locking in on target." "Prepare to fire, sir." "Not quite yet." "What's going on?" "I can't control it, sir." "The override's not functioning." "Try the secondary access then." "Run, move out." "Come on, Ms. Lang." "Where's Clark?" "Fire." "That was a full five hundred pound charge." "It would have vaporized a 747." "How could I have been wrong?" "Are you okay, Superboy?" "I think so." "I don't know what could have happened." "Are you sure you're all right." "Another 25 percent charge and then we'll see if Superboy would have been dead." "Well, if at first you don't succeed." "Oh my God, it's aiming again." "Superboy!" "He scrambled my program." "Maybe we better split, Lex." "For now." "Well?" "How do I look?" "It's..." "It's different, Lex." "Different?" "Hmm." "Different indeed." "Well, with this face, I can kill two birds with one stone all right." "Oh, I look old." "It looks good, real good." "There's no going back." "This is my new face." "I think it looks real good, Lex." "No one'll ever recognize you." "No one?" "Not even you, Leo?" "Won't you recognize me anymore, huh?" "I don't know what you mean." "Let me explain, boy." "This is the huanebetai, the preferred weapon of the huaorani tribe of the Amazon rain forest." "The dart is tipped with curare, a poison so potent that in a few seconds the victim suffers an excruciating death." "So sorry about the pain, Leo." "Can't be helped." "Guns make such a mess." "Lex, no please!" "We grew up together!" "We're friends." "You were friends with Lex Luthor." "Alas, he is no more." "Smile, Leo, you're about to pass on to a higher plane of existence." "No, no, please, no!" "Oh, come on, Leo, I'm just kidding." "You don't really think I'd kill you, do you?" "What, do you think I don't have a heart?" "Ah, Lex, you really had me going there for a second," "I'll really tell you." "Ah!" "Of course I have a heart, Leo, a very cold heart." "I'm sorry, Mr. Eckworth, I didn't hear you come out of the office." "That's quite all right." "I was bringing this right in." "Huh, thank you." "Oh, um..." "I don't want to be disturbed for the rest of the day." "Yes, sir." "I want to send a memo to marketing." "I want to have the..." "Who the devil are you?" "Warren Eckworth." "I am you and you are dead." "Yes, sir." "I've just closed a big deal with a new supplier, the Lexor Corporation, so I'll need a rather large check from accounting in this amount." "Have them draft it immediately." "Yes, sir." "Mm, would you have the freight department send me up a crate after lunch about six feet long?" "I have to pack a dead body." "Oh, sure." "Oh, and get me in touch with uh, the chief engineer in charge of the Superboy Gun, uh..." "Mr. Henderson." "Henderson, him." "On the private line as usual, Mr. Eckworth?" "As usual." "Hello..." "Hello..." "Hello." "Henderson, listen carefully." "I want you to Jack up the power on the Superboy Gun." "I wa..." "I..." "I'm fully aware that it meets the defense department's specifications, however it doesn't meet mine." "I want you to Jack it up a full 25 percent..." "Make it 50 percent." "Believe me, Henderson, I have my reasons." "To the front page of the paper." "I guess TJ really made the right move by going to work for his dad's paper." "Yeah, it kinda blows your mind, huh." "Hey, wait a minute." "You never answered my question." "Where were you when that missile hit Superboy?" "I looked for you everywhere." "Yo, Andy Mcalister reporting to being, first floor second building." "And you must be my roommate Clark Kent." "Close, Lana Lang." "I'm Clark and that's your bed." "No, no can do." "See uh, I gotta sleep with my head facing north." "And it has to do with the way my mind creates." "I'm gonna have to switch." "What, no beer?" "We're not allowed to have alcoholic beverages in the dorms." "Is he serious?" "Uh-huh." "Did you say your name was Mcalister?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Capital M, small C." "It says here I'm supposed to be with a guy named" "Johnson as my roommate." "Clark, I wanted to live with you." "I pulled some strings down at the administration building." "See, I hear that you know Superboy pretty well and I'm a big fan of the superguy myself." "In fact, I got us little business propositions to talk over with him." "Geez, I don't know, Superboy kinda likes to keep to himself and I, I just don't know if I would be able to do something like this." "Clark, we're talking finder's fee." "It's some big bucks." "Okay, for example, what does this look like?" "It looks like a glass you wear around your neck." "Okay, it's a glass that you wear around your neck." "But you're not thinking." "How many times you're hanging out with friends, slamming a couple brewskies, you're tipsy, whatnot, you slip, whoa!" "Splat, all over the floor." "But this chain keeps it safely around your neck for you to continue to enjoy." "No mess, no spills." "Trying to get a meeting set up with proctor and gamble." "Could be a very, very big Christmas thing." "You ever do any modeling?" "Uh, no." "Well, I have this idea, swimsuit calendars, the girls of Shuster College, and I'd really like to meet with you." "Are you serious?" "Well, not talking total nudity." "Uh, I think this is the part where I exit." "Clark, good luck, it's Andy, right?" "Right, right." "I can't say that I'm that anxious to meet you again." "Oh, babe, I'll grow on you." "I swear." "Okay, you don't happen to have a younger sister do you?" "She's outrageous." "You..." "You and her ever, you know." "Lana?" "Yeah." "No, we're just friends." "So, you don't mind if I spend a weekend with her?" "This is great." "I love this place." "Ms. Lang." "Mr. Eckworth, hello." "Hello." "Would you be interested in taking some exclusive photos of the Superboy Gun?" "Am I?" "Well, just come with me." "I, um, thought we were gonna see the weapon." "How do you like it?" "It's beautiful." "Now about the photos on the Superboy Gun, what I'd like to do is maybe..." "Try it on." "I think the bride would resent that." "Why would you resent it?" "Hey, look, I didn't come here for this, okay?" "Would you mind unlocking this door?" "Why?" "So I can leave." "I control a multibillion dollar corporation," "I'm filthy rich and not too bad to look at, not really, am I?" "Not as good as I looked a couple of months ago but well..." "Never mind." "I can give you anything you want, take you anywhere you want to go." "Meet the most important people in the world." "You are really sick!" "Now, any woman in their right mind would kill for the chance I'm offering you." "Would you get away from me?" "Now, now, now, now, now, you'll get used to me once we're married." "You're crazy to think I would marry you." "Don't you ever call me crazy." "It's Superboy, isn't it?" "You'd rather have him than an old man like me, huh?" "Well, you want to know a secret?" "This is just a mask." "I'm really young inside the mask," "I'm young like Superboy." "What do you mean?" "Plastic surgery." "I even put acid on my vocal cords to lower my voice." "Why are you telling me all this?" "Well, you should know who I really am." "You want to guess?" "What are you talking about?" "Come on, guess." "I don't know." "You don't know me, really?" "Your old school chum, Lex Luthor." "No, it's impossible." "Nothing's impossible for me." "Why?" "Because of Superboy." "He made me do all this." "Now you get into that dress!" "This is what one might call an intravenous love potion." "Now then, my beloved, if you don't put your bridal gown on like a good girl, I'll be forced to inject you with this." "Make your choice." "Ah, I knew I could depend on you to choose wisely." "Now then my blushing bride, I've made all the arrangements." "We're going to be married in a small, out of the way prison, very old, very quaint with a lovely old antique gallows in the main prison." "You probably know the place, the old abandoned prison out on interstate 5, hmm?" "Toodle-loo." "Good afternoon, Mcalister Productions." "Andy, listen, this is Lana, put Clark on." "He's not here right now." "Lana, are you okay?" "No, I'm in trouble." "Andy, listen." "I don't have much time." "Lex Luthor is forcing me to marry him." "He's taking me to some abandoned prison on the outskirts of town." "Tell Clark, you got that?" "Lana, Lana?" "Have you met my best man?" "Leo, Lana, Lana, Leo." "He's the silent type." "And I thought it was only fitting that your friend," "Mr. Eckworth, give you away." "We are gathered here today to join this happy couple in holy matrimony." "You'll never get away with this." "Superboy will show up." "I hope he shows up." "Lana Lang and Lex Luthor have chosen each other over all others." "Lex, why are you doing this to me?" "I'm doing this to Superboy for revenge and for love." "And for fun." "Would the groom put the ring on the bride's finger?" "If there is anyone present who objects to this wedding, let him speak now or forever hold his peace." "I object." "Superboy!" "Right on schedule." "Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah." "That's close enough, Superboy." "He's got the gun." "Say cheese." "You killed him!" "That was the plan, my dear wife." "Clear." "I'm afraid he'll never walk again." "Captioned by Grant Brown"