"(bell rings)" "?" "show me the side streets in your life?" "?" "train yards like bone yards sharpened knives?" "?" "sidewalks are unassuming fields" "?" "concrete and cracks won't cut you deals?" "?" "won't cut you deals, won't cut you?" "?" "lost teeth like white jewels of some kind?" "?" "petty theft for penny crimes" "?" "for penny crimes, and we yell?" "?" "ah, like a good old fashioned nightmare?" "?" "ahh" "?" "ah, like a good old fashioned nightmare?" "?" "ahh" "?" "life being drained through end of lives?" "?" "still we've got nothing but time?" "?" "the skyline looks brighter tonight" "?" "let's go smash out every light" "?" "your left foot in front of right?" "?" "in front of right, and we yell?" "?" "ah, like a good old fashioned nightmare?" "?" "ahh" "?" "ah, like a good old fashioned nightmare?" "?" "ahh" "Ah!" "detention. boring." "I can think of a few things we can do" "To kill some time." "Brad, baby, you remember" "This is what got us into detention in the first place." "You only got me for three more months till graduation." "And it's off to boot camp before officer training." "I know, bradikins, it's just..." "I'm just saying, that was the time" "To show your suppport for our troops." "You do... support..." "Our troops." "I do, it's... (door opens)" "(kissing)" "Hi, janet." "Brad." "I didn't know you'd be in detention." "What ever." "I saw you got a "d" on the calc test." "Yeah, well, mr. corbin is a sexist." "I'm sure. anyway, i thought, maybe, i don't know..." "I could tutor you." "Hey, ed, remember how i like to hang out with you?" "Oops." "Hell, yeah." "(screaming)" "(rock music plays)" "Shit." "Hey." "(giggling)" "Yo." "You got it?" "Doth the ashman ever fail you?" "You're sure it won't pop in a piss test?" "100% untraceable." "Dude, if marky mcg had been popping these," "He could've run for congress" "Instead of lying in front of them." "Good. and you're sure you can get more?" "I've got the straight hook up." "Wait. what's the m for?" "Um..." "Uh, midalithamethamine." "That's uh, its clinical name." "Hey, i've heard of that." "Smart guy." "(door opens)" "(rock music plays)" "?" "i am a renegade" "?" "don't fit in with the fold, baby?" "?" "doin' time on the west side way?" "?" "taking it day by day" "?" "hell, yeah" "Uh, edster. did you come to visit me in the big d?" "Uh, no, i got detention, too." "No way. you got detention?" "Now when your mom accuses me of being a bad influence," "She actually has a leg to stand on." "Uh, yeah." "Can the ashman interest you in his other wears?" "Grade a. called blue sky." "And trust me, it will get you soaring." "Yeah." "No. no go, dude." "This body's a temple." "There's no way i'm polluting it with that shit." "Check it." "I tell you, edster, if i ever meet george romero," "I'm gonna seduce him and bear him little zombie babies." "But then they would probably eat us" "Which would be kind of sad" "Because that means no more living dead movies." "But it would be a great metaphor" "For what kids end up doing to their parents" "When they turn into teenagers." "Right, ed?" "Mrs. rumblethorp?" "Eddie." "I was wondering if you decided yet" "About telling principal mcmann." "Marksamus!" "mi amigo." "How doth it hang?" "Oh, whoa, bro, you ok?" "It's my hand." "Some crazy bum bit me out in the parking lot." "I'm sorry. i don't think i can just ignore this." "What you did is serious." "It's illegal." "Not to mention dangerous." "You can't tell him because this is my chance." "It's harvard." "Well, here, let dr. ash take a look." "I got the cure for what ails you. here." "Oh, whoa, dude!" "You got some legit nurse visiting rights." "Yo, mrs. rumbles!" "Ms. ro, i think you should check mark man's hand." "No, i told you..." "(groaning)" "Marksamus." "For serious, hit the nurse." "For one thing, she's like 10 times hotter than rumbles." "Mrs. rumbles!" "That dude's totally got rabies." "You don't go rabid in a couple of hours." "(mrs. rumblethorp) ok, back up, everyone." "(ed) uh, mrs. rumblethorp... (screams)" "Help her!" "He's strangling her!" "On the count of 3." "He's not letting go." "1, 2, 3!" "My uniform!" "Jesus christ, she's like bleeding to death," "And you're worried about your uniform?" "It's blood. do you know how hard blood is to get out?" "Guys!" "I think marksamus is dead zone." "Uh, i'm gonna get help." "Willow, we need something to stop the bleeding." "This is dry clean only." " hey!" " Problem solved." "(screaming)" "Uh... guys?" "Come here!" "What are they doing?" "What kind of rabies is this?" "It's not rabies." "They're zombies." "(screaming)" "Holy fucklestein!" "Oh, my god!" "What are we gonna do!" "I say we get the hell out of here." "Damn straight." "I don't think that's a good idea." " what?" " No, look, look, look!" "The guy who bit mark must have bit other kids." "If they turn into zombies and bite other students," "You've got what you call" "Infinitely expanding growth potential. huh?" "One zombie equals many more zombies." "Oh." "So we can't go out there." "We don't know how many more could be out there." "They could be everywhere." "What are you saying, we should stay here and hide?" "Mrs. rumblethorp, you shouldn't be standing." "She's trying to say something." "Oh, hey, you really need to stop doing that." "It's even grossing me out." "Brad, baby." "What?" "Kill it." "Why me?" "jim, you kill it." "I'll get the next one." "You're the one joining the rotc." "So." "So go get all hoo-rah on his ass." "(screaming)" "Sorry, but i think staying in there is a bad idea." "Agreed." "?" "i hope i become a ghost" "How long before she, you know..." "I don't know, but we can't leave her." "?" "i hope i become a ghost" "?" "and make sure the future turns out fine?" "?" "i hope i become a ghost" "?" "and when the world is said and done?" "?" "signs will become so close" "?" "and there will be nowhere that i can't run?" "?" "ooh" "?" "ahh" "?" "ohh" "Uh, to the back, come on." "Come on!" "?" "and watch all my grandchildren growing old?" "?" "some they will remember me" "?" "and others through the stories they've been told?" "?" "now i don't intend to frighten you?" "?" "i just want to see if what i think is true?" "?" "cause then and only then we'll know?" "?" "if it was worth it to become a ghost?" "This is the future of our american military?" "I know. pretty soon even the french will conquer us." "Chuck?" "yeah, man, hit that shit." "Shit." "I'll check if principal mcmann is here." "Babykins, you won't let them hurt me, will you?" "Janet, babe, i have years of military experience." "Alright, they won't lay a finger on you." "You have years of military experience?" "Yeah. i've been paintballing with my dad since i was 6." "Principal mcmann?" "Oh, damn it!" "I got nothing." "Uh, i got nothing here." "Yeah. me neither." "Nor i." "Me, too." "Maybe all these, uh, corpsicles" "Are creating some kind of undead zone. (laughs)" "Hey, lilly and ashley are out there." "They are?" "well, open the door." "Let them in." "They're a little busy right now." "Doing what?" "Eating rick bliscan." "(ash laughs)" "What are you laughing at?" "Uh, well, when uh, ashley and lilly were alive," "They were always talking about" "Who would get a piece of rick's ass first." "So?" "(ash) lilly won." " oh, fuck." " (Ash laughs)" "That's not funny." "Well, it's a little funny." "Kind of cool." "No, no, no." "This is not cool." "I know you all are raging freakazoids and all," "But even ones as far removed from cooldom as you" "Should still understand" "How much further from coolness this situation is." "Yeah." "Janet, you should really lighten up." "Lighten up?" "no, this is no time to lighten up." "If anything, we should all be getting heavier." "Well, maybe you should stop upchucking" "After every meal then." "Hey!" "janet's right." "This is serious." "And serious times call for..." "serious minds." "Thank god we have you then." "Was principal mcmann in there?" "Partly." "(glass crashes and screams)" "I don't want to die here." "Ok." "This zombie shit" "Is really starting to harsh my mellow, ok?" "All right, look." "Come on, you too, willow." "Get in here." "All right, this school" "Is crawling with god knows how many zomb-heads." "We need to find somewhere to hold up." "And we need to fortify." "Well, yeah, but everywhere we go," "There's going to be deadheads already there." "Yeah, we need somewhere no one goes to." "The library." "Why would we go there?" "It's perfect. one major entrance and plenty of shelves" "To barricade the door." "Sounds easily defendable." "Yeah, and it's right down the hall." "Good. 'cause all this running and shit" "Is tuckering the ashman out." "Yeah, i don't think mrs. rumblethorpe" "Can take much more moving around." "Most important..." "Yeah?" "Not a single student in this school" "Would be caught dead there." "Don't you mean caught..." "undead there?" "What do we do about that, brainiac?" "From the little observations that i've been able to make," "Zombies seem to be uni-attentional. ok. -what?" "Zombies only pay attention to what's right in front of them." "So, so if we don't draw their attention..." "We should just be able to walk right by." "You go first." "(growling)" "(ash) way to go, edster!" "This way!" "(screaming)" "(brad) downstairs. go!" "go!" "(screaming)" "Hey!" "hey!" "come here!" "Come and get me!" "Come and get me!" "Hey!" "go, go, go!" "(ed) come and get me!" "Come and get me." "Come here." " in the library!" " Get the door!" "get the door!" "Go!" "go!" "Yeah!" "Aha!" "Yeah!" "hell, yeah!" "Jesus, eddie." "I know, i didn't think that would actually work." "Ok, she's not looking too good." "(janet) i can't believe this is happening." "I am student council vice president." "Junior prom queen, and head cheerleader," "And i have a serious problem" "With the direction this school is taking." "Well, i'd adjust quickly if i were you," "Or the next popularity contest you'll be winning" "Is most likely to get eaten by the student body." "Aah!" "oh!" "(whimpers)" "Again?" "Damn it, janet. help me." "What should i do?" "Here. hold her neck." "Keep pressure on it." "Eddie's been studying medical school since like infancy," "So maybe he knows." "Ew!" "Hey, what is it?" "Oh, nothing big." "Just the end of the world." "Ah!" "ah!" "(gurgling)" "(low sigh)" "Mrs. rumblethorp?" "Oh, please don't be dead." "Please?" "Ok..." "Ok... ok." "Come on. janet!" "(screams)" "Bradikins. you saved me." "(low growling)" "Guys, help me!" "Whoa." "Aah!" "Did she bite you?" "No!" "i bent my finger weird." "I can't hold her much longer." " her brain. her brain!" " What?" "Eddie's right, the only way to kill a zombie" "Is destroy its brain." "That cuntress has been riding me since i was a freshman." "It's time for some payback." "Bring her to me." "(chopping sound)" "(cursing in foreign language)" "(gurgling and groaning)" "How you like me now, rumbly thumbly?" "hmm?" "It looks like rob zombie" "Raped the entire cast of gossip girl" "And this is their angry love child." "And who knows what it's like everywhere else." "Tried the land lines." "Nothing." "So we're completely cutoff from the rest of the world?" "What about the internet?" "None of our phones can get a signal." "School computer?" "Really?" "That thing's so ancient" "It makes old tron look cutting edge." "It's worth a try, ok?" "You know, maybe we can email for help." "Or tweet. omg, zombies attacking the school." "Send help pronto." "(computer turns on)" "Here goes nothing." "(computer groans and whirs)" "This might take awhile." "Well, if this isn't a commentary" "On the current state of public education," "I don't know what is." "Yeah, that helps." "?" "feet in the air and head on the ground?" "?" "you try this trick and spin it?" "?" "your head will collapse but there's nothing in it?" "?" "so you ask yourself" "Everything will be ok." "Look at you." "You are way too hot to die." "?" "where is my mind" "?" "way out in the water, see it swimming?" "?" "i was swimming..." "Like the werewolves are to vampires," "Or are you team switzerland?" "(gurgling)" "Oh, yeah, me too, yeah." "?" "except the little fish" "?" "but they told me, he swears trying' to talk to me?" "?" "where is my mind, where is my mind?" "?" "where is my mind" "?" "way out in the water, see it swimming?" "Um, hey, guys, i think we have a problem" "Of incalculable proportion." "Huh?" "Big problem." "Oh." "Are they getting in?" "No, no, not yet, janet." "But they will." "There's no way they're gonna make it through the barricade." "Their numbers are growing, jimmy. they're gonna get in." "Well, then i say we run for it." "No, no, that's" "Yeah, he's right." "All right, we make a run." "Maybe someone out there has a cure or something." "Yeah, and go back out there?" "Yeah." "With them?" "Bradikins, baby," "I can't do it. i can't." "Ok, look." "I've seen about every zombie movie there is," "And one internal truth in all of them" "Is that going outside equals bad." " exactly." " I say we run for it." "And outrun the high school of the damned." "Look, from what i've seen," "I don't need to outrun one of them." "I need to outrun one of you." "And i'm pretty damned sure i can beat asthma boy here." "I don't have asthma." "Not all dorky kids have asthma." "Yeah, look, we make a run." "Right, some of us will make it." "Look at her." "She's got big-ass boots on." "She can't run." "Survival of the fittest." "Hoo-rah." "I breathe just fine. thank you." "Oh, bradikins, i can't go out there and compete." "I play sports." "I'm totally ok with the current living situation." "I'm just saying." "I bowl. i'm a bowler." "I'm an excellent bowler." "Eddie, focus, come on." "Focus, please." "Sorry. right, sorry. jimmy." "Jimmy, your plan only works if we all agree to go out there," "And clearly there is a large dissenting opinion" "That plans just stay put." "Like me." "And me. brad, babe..." "You won't leave me here, will you?" "We stay." "Come on!" "(ash laughs)" "Oh, you guys seriously need to chillax." "Chillax?" "Yeah. look on the bright side." "Bright side?" "the school is overrun with zombies." "What's the bright side?" "When else do you get to decapitate your english teacher" "And then continue to torment her undead head?" "Right, mrs. rummy thumber?" "Oh!" "no biting!" "that's a bad mrs. rumbly thumbly. huh?" "Detention for you!" "Ash!" "stop taunting the undead." "All right." "All right, look. i got it." "If we're going to stay," "We need to treat this like a siege situation." "Our greatest danger is lying" "Either a frontal breach of our defenses," "Or a small scale incursion" "Via an as yet unrecognized weak point." "We do some recon." "Eddie, you're a book geek, right?" "You know how to look stuff up and shit?" "Sure." "Maybe there's something in here that can help." "Zombie stuff, like a how-to survive a zombie attack." "Or what to do if bitten." "This is a high school library," "So i'm not sure there's a lot of reference material" "On zombies." "Yeah, too bad this isn't the library" "From buffy the vampire slayer" "Cause they had a wicked dark art selection." "(ash laughs)" "What?" "I liked the two gay witches." "Wicked chicks are hot." "Ow." "Damn it!" "there's gotta be something, right?" "Sorry, but when it comes to living dead," "Your best source of info is right in front of you." "Between eddie and i, we've seen about every movie," "Read every comic book and played every video game" "That has anything to do with zombies." "Yeah, that's right." "When it comes to zombie survival, we're the bad asses." "Fine. eddie, willow, you'll act as our intelligence" "(thunder)" "Well, that's in no way ominous or forboding." "Baby?" "Janet, babe, don't worry, ok?" "I'll kill anything that comes through the door." "(jimmy screams)" "Jimmy!" "Jimmy!" "Oh, man, no!" "Jimmy... hey. hang in there." "I don't feel so good." "All right." "I'll give you some air." "Hang in there." "This is not getting us anywhere." "Stay there!" "Ugh." "Whoa." "I mean we can't just leave him there." "He's gonna turn." "Hey, we all saw what happened to mrs. rumblethorp." "So, what?" "you want to throw him out the window?" "It's jimmy for christ sakes." "Not for long, bro." "Brad, baby, they're right." "You know they're right." "Ah, fuck." "Brad." "Jimmy." "Hoo-rah." "No!" "(screams)" "Hoo-rah..." "We're all gonna die." "We're all gonna die!" "(crying)" "We're all gonna die." "Janet, it's gonna be ok." "We're gonna be ok." "We're gonna be ok." "Uh, um, group hug." "Thanks, guys." "I'm ok now." "(screams)" "Wonder what caused all this." "Nuclear fallout?" "Military super soldier experiments." "Meteors." "Biological weapons." "Aliens." "Diseased monkeys." "You know what i don't get?" "Mark. when he turned all aberzombie and fitch," "He was still pretty fast." "But marion the zombrarian was all slow and stumbly." "Clearly each zombie retains" "Some of their physical attributes" "From when they were alive." "(whimpering)" "All right. enough." "Enough." "We all seriously need to chillax" "Before someone pops a blood vessel." "Chillax?" "what the fuck is chillax?" "Chill. and relax." "When the powers combine, chillax." "Whatever." "All i'm saying is i think it's time" "To intro a little..." "Mellow." "Hmm?" "hmm?" "hmm?" "To this pity party." "Sweet. share the wealth." "As the lady dark doth command." "Wait, is that marijuana pot?" "Something like that." "I don't think this is the time to be getting high." "I need something to calm my nerves." "What say you, bradtasm?" "Yeah, fuck it." "For medicinal purposes." "Secondhand smoke?" "Won't the zombies get the munchies?" "Ed, they already have them." "Fine." "Smoking weed equals death." "What?" "In the movies," "Smoking the weed equals death." "Drinking equals death." "Having sex equals death." "Basically having fun in any way will get you killed." "Right. horror movies are total" "Moral righty conservative propaganda bullshit." "Tell me about it." "I've never been so happy to be a virgin." "(sputtering) what?" "I'm waiting for the right girl." "Uh, sure, if by the right girl" "You mean someone lame enough to sleep with your ass." "No, no. i mean..." "Yeah, whatever." "High school sucks." "(brad) just do it." "(group) oh...(laughing)" "What was that?" "What is it?" "Oh... (brad) he was enjoying it, too." "Ugh!" "(coughs)" "Uh, me and uh, pale tits mistress" "Of the extreme eyeliner" "Are regulars in the good ship detention, but um," "What the hell are you three doing here?" "Nothing." "Oh, come on." "What's an 18th level wizard dungeons and dragons geek" "Like you doing in detention?" "I'm a paladin." "What?" "Wizards are for spazzes and losers." "(ash) right. right." "(all laughing)" "So what about you, sweet cheeks?" "Oh." "Well, nothing. we were just caught in the bathroom." "What were you guys doing in the bathroom?" "Are you... in the bathroom?" "That's gross." "I'm just playing." "Check it, willow-winds," "Uh, slutskin mcdrop-her-drawers is embarrassed." "No. we were..." "we were just kissing." "Oh, get off it, janet." "Everyone in this school knows you got a mouth" "That could suck start a jet engine." "Hey, come on." "Fuck you." "And fuck you, too!" "What, you boys get to chase every ass in tight jeans," "But i do what it takes to satisfy my boyfriend," "And i'm a slut?" "Pretty much. (laughs)" "You don't get it." "No one does." "Get what?" "How hard it is to be me." "Oh, please." "There's so much pressure that comes with being popular." "Everything i do, everything i wear is judged." "By everyone." "Oh, poor you." "I always have to say the right thing," "Wear the newest clothes, date the coolest guy." "And in the end, you all still hate me." "We don't hate you." "Yes, you do." "You social rejects hate me because i'm popular." "And the popular kids hate me because..." "I'm more popular than them." "Well, if being popular is so rough," "Then why don't you," "I don't know, stop trying to be the queen bee." "That's easy for you to say." "You've never been popular." "You're not the only one" "Whose felt uh, so trapped by who they are." "That they did something stupid." "Really, really stupid." "Holy shit." "Where'd you get a gun?" "You were gonna columbine us?" "I wasn't gonna columbine you." "The gun is for me." "You were gonna off yourself in detention?" "Is this because i make fun of you?" "No." "Is it because i didn't go to prom with you?" "What?" "no. i didn't even ask you to prom." "It's because of her." "(hissing and growling)" "I thought you and the rumbles" "Were all apt pupilage and whatnot." "Yeah, we were, till she found these." "Adderall?" "I was just using adderall to help me study." "Mrs. rumblethorp just caught me." "And they weren't prescribed to me. per se." "So you were riding the adderall train" "To ivy league town." "Yeah. i got into harvard." "I studied my butt off to get out of this shit hole." "To get into somewhere where i wasn't put in a urinal" "For wanting to learn." "That's why i'm in detention." "And look, i want to live." "I want to live through this." "But to do that, we'd need to work together." "We'd need to put all our petty, stupid self interests aside" "And work for the greater good." "Well, this is high school, so fat chance." "Damn it, ash, this isn't a joke!" "Two hours ago, she's running detention" "And accusing you of smoking out." "I fail to see the difference, eddie." "Guys?" "Look, edstser," "There's one thing i know" "And it's when push comes getting eaten," "It's every man, cheerleader, meathead, dork," "And scary yet strangely attractive goth chick" " for themselves." " Hey, guys..." "That's the attitude that's gonna get us killed!" "Dude, we're all dead meat anyways." "Might as well enjoy the ride, edster." "(willow) guys!" "What?" "Listen." "(screams)" "Hit it!" "Get it out of here!" "Get it out of here!" "Get it, eddie!" "get it!" "Get it out of here!" "Get it out of here!" "You saved me." "Oh, my head." "What?" "(screams)" "What do i do?" "what do i do?" "Pry its fingers off." "Stay still!" "Ah, screw that!" "Relax. i got this." "Janet, help me!" "Shoot it fast. shoot it!" "No, no, no!" "don't shoot it." "(girls scream)" "(eddie screams)" "(group screams)" "Oh, my god." "Oh, i got you, ed!" "I got you, ed." "Ah... ah... ah... 1...2...3... (ash and ed scream)" "That was intense." "What's the math say?" "That the amount of zombies out there," "Should they make a concerted effort..." "Yeah?" "They'd break through in about 35 seconds." "So we're basically screwed." "Yeah." "(whimpers)" "Is that what you really want?" "Yeah." "What?" "She's beautiful." "Sexy. super popular." "Perky. not to mention perky." "I'm a big fan of perky." "You're just like the rest of these idiots." "You were a bunch of mindless" "Zombies before any of this happened." "Trying so hard to fit into their little clique." "Trying so hard to hide anything that might make them stand out." "I mean, god forbid" "We don't all fit into this cookie cutter mold" "That everyone puts us in." "Popular girl." "Bully." "Stoner idiot." "Dorky loser." "I'm not like them." "Sure you are." "You'd die for one night with janet." "Not because you love her or that you care for her." "Just because she's what everybody tells you" "You should strive for." "And you were going to kill yourself last night." "Why?" "Because you weren't going to get into harvard?" "So what, eddie." "Does that mean your life isn't worth living?" "You're right." "Maybe i need to..." "I don't know, grow up a bit." "Maybe we all do." "Hey, if we live through this, um..." "Yeah?" "Would you want to, you know..." "I mean, if you don't, that's cool, i mean..." "Oh, no. i want, i, i uh..." "I definitely want to." "Oh. cool." "Cool." "(ash) edster!" "Uh..." "How long until the zombie horde gets bored" "And scampers into the next taco bell?" "I don't know. in the movies, the horde never goes away." "It keeps getting bigger." "And that's what makes it a horde." "Well, we have a problem then." "What?" "Le toilet." "Come on, man." "Find a corner or something." "(janet) oh, gross!" "Oh, no go, man." "I gotta take a deuce from the caboose." "I say we blow this popsicle stand" "And make a pit stop along the way." "Just hang your ass out the window." "Oh, no, so some zomb-head can take a bite out of my ass?" "We're on the second floor." "Zombies don't jump, idiot." "Oh, screw that." "I watched shark week on tlc." "And if some great white can jump 20 feet out of the air" "To grab a tasty seagull snackpack," "Who's to say a zombie can't?" "Well, there are major logic flaws" "No. ash is right." " he is?" " (Ash) i am?" "Yeah. no, not about zombies jumping. that's stupid." "But we need to get the hell out of here." "We can't leave." "The barricade's our only protection." "I gotta go, man." "That means a trip to the little boy's room." "Ed, you know, maybe they're right." "You said yourself the barricade won't hold." "Maybe we should make a run for it." "I'm not going out there." "Brad, baby, you wouldn't leave me, would you?" "I'm sorry, babe." "Come on, let's go." "No, you can't." "You can't go." "If you start moving things around," "You're gonna draw them closer to the door." "Hey, wait." "What?" "What if there's another way?" "What, are you gonna escape through the vent shaft?" "No. i'm gonna send my little sidekick ferret to go get help." "It'd be so cool if that were true." "Look at it this way, this might be our only chance," "And i for one would like to live past this day." "Especially now that i have something to look forward to." "What if there's a zombie in the shaft?" "How's a zombie gonna get in the shaft, eddie?" "I don't know. zombie rats?" "Like in house of the damned?" "Those fuckers will eat your shit up." "There's no fucking zombies in the shaft, you guys." "I'm going." "Me, too. ashbury needs his porcelain throne." "Ed, look, this might be your only chance, ok?" "Well, i'm not going." "Isn't someone gonna stay here with me?" "Ed?" "(sighs) i'm sorry, willow." "Come on. let's get out of here." "Let's go." "Um, do either of you have any idea" "Which direction we should be going?" "Of course not." "You're a really great guy, you know that?" "(coughs)" "Can i ask you something?" "Sure." "Would you ever..." "Go out with a guy like me?" "I don't think so." "(ash) uh-oh." "What?" "what is it?" "(farting)" "Oh!" "fuck, dude!" "Confined spaces." "Oh, god, ash." "Not cool. not cool." "I told you i had to go." "Why?" "That's just the way it is." "That's the way it is?" "You're a geek, right?" "Um, yeah. i guess." "Well, i'm a hot cheerleader, right?" "Yeah." "Geeks and cheerleaders don't date." "We're just different." "Well, why?" "You just said i was a good guy." "It's just not that simple." "Am i not goodlooking enough?" "Yeah." "(thump)" "Shit." "(hissing)" "Holy moses malone." "House of the damned!" "House of the damned!" "Get back, you guys!" "(screaming)" "You're just so stuck up." "Fuck you, eddie." "No, fuck you, janet." "(screaming)" "(rumbling)" "What was that?" "Uh-oh." "Mother puss bucket." "(all screaming)" "Do you like being made fun of?" "Or beat up?" "Of course not." "Neither do i." "That's exactly what would happen if we dated." "My friends would eat me alive." "Did you ever think that maybe they're not your friends?" "(groaning)" "Ash... ash..." "Yeah?" "Oh, no." "What?" "My stash." "What?" "My stash!" "I can't find my stash." "Dude, give me a boost." "Come on, man." "Give me a boost." "What the hell, are you guys crazy?" "Dude, i'm not leaving my weed behind." "All right, come on." "1, 2, 3..." "Morons." "Push me." "(struggling)" "Dude, hurry up." "Chillax." "Dude, it's all good." "(hissing)" "(farting)" "(ash screams)" "Ash?" "Has anyone ever told you you have really pretty eyes?" "My mom." "She says they're my best feature." "You're really beautiful." "Has anyone ever told you that?" "Sure. all the time." "Oh." "Well, they're right." "I know." "Oh, my god. (laughs)" "(growling)" "Uh..." "You got any ideas?" "Sorry, ash." "Take it." "Eddie?" "Yeah?" "I don't want to die a virgin." "What?" "I mean, i've done stuff, but never..." "Uh, but...(clears throat) all right, well..." "Willow..." "Eddie!" "(brad) janet, open the door!" "(willow) open up!" "Open the door." "Open the door!" " eddie!" " (Brad) janet!" "But the zombies." "Hurry!" "Eddie!" " (brad) open the door!" " Open up!" "Open the door!" "Where's ash?" "Right here." "At least what's left of him." "We need more stuff." "Go!" "go!" "we'll take it!" "Brad!" "brad!" "Help us!" "Watch out!" "This isn't gonna hold for long." "We need to figure a way out of here." "Agreed." "Eddie, i gotta talk to you." "What?" "Eddie!" "It'll just take a second." "I have to tell you something." "Hold the fort down." "I'll be right back." "What is it?" "We didn't finish." "(groaning)" "Ok, no, i mean..." "We might be dead soon." "Carpe diemonous." "Brad!" "what are you doing?" "Wake up!" "brad!" "Stop!" "(groaning)" "Guys!" "It's not what..." "Well, actually it's exactly what you may think." "It's brad. he must've been bit. he's turning." "Brad!" "brad!" "stop!" "Bradikins." "The door." "(screams) eddie, help me!" "Brad, baby, i'm sorry." "I know i cheated." "Damn it, janet!" "fight him!" "No. i deserve it." "I betrayed him." "No, no, janet." "Actually he betrayed you." "What?" "Yeah. he's been telling the whole school" "That he's been screwing you for months." "No, we were waiting for prom." "That's not what he told me." "Yeah, i don't even think you'd make it to prom." "Because he's got like 6 girls on the side." "What?" "Yeah. like lilly and trish, and sarah." "Whores!" "And you know what else," "He told me you're not a natural blonde." "What?" "Yeah!" "You fucking fucker!" "Yeah!" "fuck him up!" "You fucking fucker!" "Maybe if you reciprocated once in awhile" "You'd know," "The carpet does match the blinds!" "Match the blinds?" "Just go with it." "She's on a roll." "(glass crashes)" "Get out!" "get out!" "Let's go!" "Yeah!" "It's not gonna hold." "We need to get out of here." "Well, maybe we should spend more time" "Building up the barricade and less time" "Making out in the back." "Well, maybe if people knocked instead of just barging in." "What does that have to do with anything, janet?" "Oh, my god!" "Stop it both of you!" "Now we're getting out of here alive," "And to do that we need to work together." "How?" "I have a plan." "We reached the stairs." "Oh, god, we reached the stairs!" "Eddie!" "eddie!" "help!" "eddie!" "Eddie, help!" "Jesus christ, we get it already." "You need help!" "Take a number, get in line." "And shut the fuck up, would you, please!" "Eddie!" "Eddie, help!" "Eddie!" "Goth chicks kick ass." "Eddie, help!" " the gun." " Isn't that..." "Mr. yeardley the guidance counselor?" "It's almost empty." "Not good." "Definitely not good." " what now?" " We run!" "Run away!" "(girls scream)" "Which way!" "The gym. we can get to the roof from there." "It's locked!" "I got this." "I got it!" "Eddie, come on!" "Go. go, get to the roof." "I'm gonna hold them." "And willow, about before with janet..." "You're right." "I'm an idiot." "I know what i want now." "Good. because you still owe me a date." "It's time for this paladin to cast a 21st level spell" "Of zombie whoop-ass." "?" "i am a man, i am a man, i am a man, i am a man?" "?" "'cause you said i am" "?" "cut me out of the family photo?" "?" "who would have thought of sinking so low?" "Where's eddie?" "Holding off the horde." "Ok." "But he missed a few." "?" "cut me out of the family photo?" "?" "who would have thought of sinking so low?" "?" "it's impossible" "?" "but maybe it's possible to be impossible?" "?" "i am a man, i am a man, i am a man?" "?" "i am a man 'cause you said i am?" "?" "i am a man, i am a man, i am a man?" "?" "i am a man 'cause you said i am?" "?" "yeah" "(janet screams)" "(screams)" "No." "Janet, hold still." "(gunshots)" "Come on!" "Willow!" "janet!" "Suck a duck." "This sucks." "Yeah." "I'm gonna die." "I don't wanna be a zombie." "This so sucks." "Don't leave." "One bullet left." "I don't want to die like this." "?" "morning has broken" "?" "like the first morning" "Eddie!" " ok, we have a problem." " What?" "Zombies don't jump." "They climb." "(gunshot)" "Brad!" "Brad!" "So i guess we'll never get that date." "No. it sucks." "I was totally gonna take you to applebees." "?" "i was thinking about you, i can't live without you?" "?" "the sweet look in your eyes that goes to-?" "(rapid gunfire)" "(guard) attention, attention." "The zombie threat has been contained." "All survivors make your way to the front lawn." "Go!" "go!" "go!" "I want to get a perimeter." "Set it up. move it, move it, move it!" "(guard) the zombie threat has been contained." "The zombie threat has been eliminated." "All survivors make your way to the front lawn." "So applebees, huh?" "Bet your ass. i got a gift card." "Wow, you really know how to spoil a girl." "Yeah. but only the right girl." "?" "when i was pacing around" "?" "the streets where we both drive?" "?" "to forget the world striking sparks in my heart" "?" "when we first met" "?" "the time has all gone by, i'm well?" "?" "i've made every second that you pass through me?" "?" "well, i'm finding out these memories are so good?" "?" "and i'm waiting patiently" "(gunshots) attention, all shoppers." "Attention, all shoppers." "?" "if it's the end of the world" "?" "i want to live inside a shopping mall?" "?" "i wouldn't care about the isolation?" "?" "i'm unconcerned about the walking dead?" "?" "if it's the end of the world" "?" "i think i'd handle myself quite well?" "?" "i wouldn't panic walking past the zombie?" "?" "i'd try to catch up on some reading and movies" "?" "i know all i need to know" "?" "i know all i need to do" "?" "i learned everything from george romero?" "?" "dario argento, maybe tom savini?" "?" "stuart gordon and sam raimi" "?" "did they plant the idea" "?" "or was it always in me" "?" "do you find me creepy" "?" "yeah, do i give you the creeps?" "?" "it's the end of the world" "?" "we could gather half a dozen friends?" "?" "we'd live in hiding over jc penney's?" "?" "construct a wall to keep the mutants out?" "?" "when it's the end of the world?" "?" "we'd land a helicopter on the rooftop?" "?" "somebody breaks in through a boarded entrance" "?" "maybe we can make a run for it?" "?" "i know all i need to know" "?" "i learned everything from george romero?" "?" "dario argento, maybe tom savini?" "?" "stuart gordon and sam raimi" "?" "did they plant the idea" "?" "or was it always in me" "?" "do you find me creepy" "?" "now it's the end of the world?" "?" "i always thought i would've been more careful?" "?" "didn't look to be a serious bite?" "?" "will you wait here till i come back to life?" "?" "i learned everything from george romero?" "?" "dario argento, maybe tom savini?" "?" "stuart gordon and sam raimi" "?" "did they plant the ideas" "?" "or was it always in me" "?" "do you find me creepy" "?" "my post-apocalyptic" "?" "zombie survival fantasy" "You know what i'm thinking?" "Maybe we got a good thing going here." "Maybe we shouldn't be in such a hurry to leave." "(hissing)"