"That's like the tenth time I've peed since I've been here!" "That's also like the tenth time you told us." "Yeah, oh I'm sorry, it must be really hard to hear!" "I tell ya, it's a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder!" "I'm so sick of being pregnant!" "The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, 'cause-Oh!" "I'm pregnant!" "Pheebs, did¡¦you want a cookie?" "Thank you so much." "So uh, Pheebs, honey, how are those mood swings coming?" "I haven't really had any yet." "Hey guys!" "Hey." "Hey!" "All right, here's the ring." "Yes!" "Yes!" "A thousand times, yes!" "So uh, any ideas for the bachelor party yet?" "Whoa-whoa-whoa!" "Before you start handing out wedding rings and planning bachelor parties, don't you have to decide who your best man is gonna be?" "Oh, it's awkward." "It's awkward." "It's awkward." "I sort've already asked Chandler." "What?" "!" "He got to do it at your first wedding!" "Joey, I figured you'd understand." "I mean, I-I've known him a lot longer." "Come on Ross!" "Look, I-I don't have any brothers;" "I'll never get to be a best man!" "You can be the best man when I get married." "I'll never get to be a best man!" "Wait-wait, so, you get to be my best man twice and I never get to be yours at all?" "Oh no-no-no, you-yeah, of course you get to be my best man." "What about me?" "!" "You-you just said I could!" "I'm not even getting married!" "Okay, this is a question for science fiction writers!" "I can't believe you're not picking me." "Hey, how can it not be me?" "!" "I'm not even¡¦ I'm not even¡¦" "Fine, y'know what, that's it." "From now on, Joey, I want you to be my best man." "Yes!" "Shame about you man." "Stop it!" "What?" "One of the babies is kicking." "I thought that was a good thing." "It's not kicking me, it's kicking one of the other babies." "Oh (looks down her dress)!" "Don't make me come in there!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Do you guys have like a big bowl I can borrow?" "Yeah, there's one right under the cabinet." "Thanks." "Why do you need it?" "Oh, we're having a big party tomorrow night." "Later!" "Whoa!" "Hey-hey, you planning on inviting us?" "Nooo, later." "Hey!" "Get your ass back here, Tribbiani!" "Hormones!" "What Phoebe meant to say was umm, how come you're having a party and we're not invited?" "Oh, it's Ross's bachelor party." "Sooo?" "Are you bachelors?" "Nooo!" "Are you strippers?" "Nooo!" "Then you're not invited" "All right fine!" "You're not invited to the party we're gonna have either." "Oh-whoa, what party?" "Well umm¡¦" "The baby shower for Phoebe!" "Baby shower." "Wow!" "That sounds sooo like something I don't want to do!" "Later!" "I can't believe I'm gonna have a party!" "This is so great!" "A party!" "Yay!" "I don't know why." "This is what I've got going for the party so far, liquor wise." "Get a lot of liquor." "Great." "Great." "Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, I've got you, me, and Chandler and I'm gonna invite Gunther 'cause, well, we've been talking about this pretty loud." "I'll be there." "All right-oh!" "Listen, I know this is your party, but I'd really like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there." "Yeah." "Tell ya what, let's not invite any of the anthropologists, only the dinosaur dudes!" "Okay!" "We'll need a six-pack of Zima." "Hey guys, what are you doing?" "Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man." "Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one." "Yeah, see, I don't think it's gonna that difficult considering this one won't be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut." "Oh, I'm Ross." "I'm Ross." "I'm too good for the Hut;" "I'm too good for the Hut." "Look, I gotta go pick up Ben." "Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay?" "Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?" "You got it." "Okay, see ya later." "See ya." "Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party." "Well, there's gonna be strippers there." "He didn't say anything about no strippers." "He just said, "No strippers."" "Oh, I chose not to hear that." "Look what I got!" "Look what I got!" "Look what I got!" "Can you believe they make these for little people?" "Little village people." "Okay, look at this one." "This is my favourite." "Oh, that is so sweet!" "I know!" "Phoebe is gonna love dressing them in these!" "Huh." "Except, Phoebe's not gonna be the one that gets to dress them." "Because she's not gonna get to keep the babies." "Oh my God!" "We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever!" "Wait a minute!" "Unless, we give her all gifts she can use after she's done being pregnant." "Like-like umm, regular coffee, Tequila." "Oh, and somebody can get those leather pants she's always wanted!" "Oh, she's gonna love that!" "What the hell is this?" "!" "What, did you actually thought it would make me feel better to give me stuff that I can't use for another two months?" "!" "This sucks!" "All right, what's my next present?" "!" "I don't have anything." "Hey listen man, about the stripper¡¦" "Yeah?" "Good call!" "Okay, a little announcement, a little announcement." "I've decided that my best man is, my best friend Gunther!" "What's my last name?" "Central Perk?" "Thanks for not marrying Rachel." "Oh-whoa-wait, Gunther don't-don't forget your shirt." "Hey-hey, what are those?" "Oh, little party favours, check it out!" "Wow!" "Yeah!" "Oh-oh!" "Okay, okay, a little announcement, I just want everyone to know that the position of my best man is still open!" "And uh, so is the position of the bride." "Great!" "Smooth man." "Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck." "Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great." "And hey!" "See you guys Monday morning." "Thanks Joey." "Oh, hey, don't forget your shirt." "Oh, thanks!" "Okay, hey, museum geeks, party's over." "Okay." "Wave bye-bye to the nice lady." "There you go." "Back to your parent's basement." "All right." "Come on boys, come on out!" "Here you go." "All right." "Ohhh, look at the little birdies!" "Are those yours?" "Yeah!" "Wow, I didn't know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets." "Oh yeah-yeah." "And I got the duck totally trained." "Watch this." "Stare at the wall." "Hardly move." "Be white." "You are really good at that." "So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw one hell of a party." "Oh thanks." "Thanks." "It was great meetin' ya." "And listen if any of my friends gets married, or have a birthday, or a Tuesday¡¦" "Yeah, that would be great." "So I guess umm, good night." "Oh unless you uh, you wanna hang around." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "I'll let you play with my duck." "Hey, stripper!" "The stripper stole the ring!" "The stripper stole the ring!" "Chandler!" "Chandler, get up!" "Get up!" "The stripper stole the ring!" "What?" "The ring is gone!" "Ugh." "Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for this-Ah-ha-ha!" "You lost the ring!" "You're the worst best man ever!" "Dude, this isn't funny!" "What am I gonna do?" "!" "I go to bed last night, everything's cool!" "I wake up this morning, the stripper's gone and the ring is gone!" "You slept with the stripper?" "Of course!" "Hi, guys." "Hi!" "Phoebe." "Hi Phoebe." "I-I wanted to apologise if I-y'know seemed a tad edgy yesterday at my shower." "Y'know it's just the hormones, y'know." "No we¡¦ Hormones." "¡¦hormones, yeah." "Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet." "Wow, you seem to be doing so much better." "That's great." "So how-how are things going?" "Good." "Y'know-no-no, okay, it's-it feels like everything's been about me lately, so what's happening with you?" "Oh, well, actually we were just talking about me not going to Ross's wedding." "Oh!" "It just might be too hard, given the history and all that¡¦" "Wow!" "This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him." "Well, h-how is this like that?" "Well, let's see, it's not." "Really, like that." "Because, you see that was an actual problem, and uh, yours is just like y'know a bunch of y'know high school crap that nobody really gives y'know¡¦" "I'm-I'm sorry, I just thought that¡¦" "Alrighty, here come the water works." "Ugh!" "I don't know what I'm going to do!" "I called the company that sent and th-they don't care!" "Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this isn't an emergency, then what is?" "Hey guys!" "Hey!" "Hey¡¦" "I just wanted to thank you again for last night, what a great party!" "And the guys from work had a blast." "Y'know, one of them had never been to a bachelor party before." "Yeah!" "And-and another one had never been to a party before, so¡¦" "So uh, hey, that uh, that wedding ring, huh?" "Man, that's nice!" "Yeah, right!" "I was uh, I was thinking I might want to pick one of those babies up for myself, I might want to get one of those¡¦" "That ring?" "When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her." "So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable?" "Oh absolutely!" "It has been in my family for generations, and every bride who has worn it has had a long and happy life." "So you might say, it's a magic ring." "Yeah, the stripper stole it." "My-my ring?" "My-my wedding ring?" "The-the stripper stole my wedding ring?" "!" "H-how?" "!" "How could this all happen?" "!" "Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey Joey, why don't you be my best man."" "All right-all right, fine!" "I-I'm gonna call the cops!" "Dude, I screwed up, you don't have to turn me in!" "Not on you!" "On the stripper!" "Oh, yeah, well I already did that!" "They said they're gonna look into it right after they solved all the murders." "Okay, well, we'll call the company that sent her!" "did that too!" "They wouldn't give me her real name or her number." "They said, "If I bothered them again they'd call the police."" "I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them I'm missing a ring!"" "So what, Joey?" "Wh-wh-what?" "What are you telling me?" "That there's nothing we can do?" "Well, how could this happen?" "!" "Look Ross, I am so-so sorry." "I-I-I¡¦" "Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?" "Oh, that sounds like fun, but we've got a ring to find!" "Here's your tea Phoebe." "It's so good." "Oh, thanks." "Good." "I'm so glad you liked it." "Oh!" "What?" "!" "What?" "!" "She made the tea!" "Oh!" "No, I-I think I just had a contraction." "You what?" "Oh my God!" "Yeah, I thought I had one a couple of minutes ago, and now I know that was definitely one." "Wait, you can't have the baby here!" "I mean I haven't sterilised it since the guys moved out!" "Okay." "It's okay." "We're gonna be okay." "Y'know what?" "It's okay." "I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna boil some water and just rip up some sheets!" "No." "It's all right; it's probably false labour." "They said that, that can happen near the end, just somebody get the book." "Rachel, get the book!" "The book!" "Okay!" "Okay!" "Here!" "The Bible?" "!" "I don't know!" "All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk." "And-and when she comes in hopefully, she won't recognise you because, well, why would she?" "Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I." "You be Mr. Gonzalez, and I'll be uh, Mr. Wong." "Diverse." "Did anybody call for security?" "You be cool." "Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk?" "Hey, Joey?" "Where's my ring?" "My dead grandmother's wedding ring?" "Where is it?" "Where is it?" "Way to be cool, man." "What's he talking about?" "There was a ring, in a box, on my nightstand, after you left, it was gone!" "Wait, you guys think I stole some ring?" "Yeah!" "We know you took so just-just save yourself the time and confess!" "Okay, who are you?" "The Hardy boys?" "Look, I don't need to steal some stupid ring, all right?" "I make $1,600 a week doing what I do; any of you guys make that?" "Marry me." "I don't get it!" "It was in my room all night!" "And if she didn't take it, and I didn't take it;" "and you didn't take it, then who did?" "Shh!" "We're trying to think!" "I still don't get how you know when it's false labour." "Well, do you see any babies?" "How do you feel?" "Okay, I guess." "I mean¡¦ I don't know, it's just, I guess I know it's going to be over soon." "Well, isn't that a good thing?" "You said you were sick of this." "I know." "It's just y'know usually when you're, when you're done with the pregnant thing, y'know, then you get to do the mom thing." "I'm gonna be y'know, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila." "Some moms do that." "Okay that's even sadder." "Look, I know, I know what I got myself into, it's just that now that they're in me it's like, it's like I know them y'know," "I mean-I mean, it's just not gonna be easy when these little babies have to go away." "Aww, sweetie, but it's not like you're not gonna have anything." "You're gonna have nieces and nephews, and some ways that's even better." "Yeah, okay." "No, really." "Really, Pheebs, you're not gonna be the one worrying about saving for college, or yelling at them when they're bad, y'know, or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just won't calm down." "Y'know?" "I mean, you're the one they're gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex." "And you just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe!" "Cool Aunt Phoebe." "I am pretty cool!" "Yeah." "And y'know what else, oh my God, are they gonna love you." "They are gonna love me." "Oh!" "Thanks you guys!" "Again." "Oh, sweetie!" "What?" "!" "Just kidding." "Ahh!" "What?" "!" "Oh my God!" "Got cha again, you guys are so easy." "If anything should happen to him¡¦" "Joey!" "The vet said it's a simple procedure." "So!" "Things can go wrong!" "You don't know!" "What if he doesn't make it?" "!" "He will, Joe." "Yeah, but what if he doesn't?" "He's such a good duck." "I'm so worried about him, y'know?" "Somebody lose a ring?" "Oh my God!" "Thank you!" "Thank you so much!" "H-h-h-how's the duck?" "He's doing just fine, he's resting now, but you can see him in a little bit." "Ohh, great!" "Oh hey, listen Ross, thanks for being so cool about this." "No, that's all right." "No, it's not." "I mean you-you made me your best man and I totally let you down!" "Hey, come on, it's not your fault." "Yeah, it is!" "You wouldn't have lost the ring, right?" "Y'know what, Ross you were right from the start, he should be your best man." "No, you should." "Now, don't argue with me¡¦" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "I get to choose my best man, and I want both you guys." "Really?" "Really?" "Hey, both you guys should be up there with me." "I mean, you two are-are my¡¦ I mean, I'm lucky to have just one good¡¦" "Thanks man." "I gotta go check something over here." "What a baby." "Total wuss!"