"A bed...wide open and crumpled." "Like a stricken ship" "Deserted beaches" "Frozen limbs" "Sick of life Eyelids wet" "I hear your trembling heart" "Time lost" "Time gained" "Anxieties, like dried flowers" "Dreams and hidden pleasures" "Your bed..." "Open and crumpled" "Like some great dismasted ship" "The field of battle" "Where you assail me" "Laughter and tears" "Screams and tousled hair" "Soft meadows" "In slow motion" "As if in ocean depths" "Colours bloom" "Our bed..." "Open and crumpled" "Like a bower of woven flowers" "Sheets spread" "Hands bound" "To recreate the making of love" "It all happens too quickly" "I felt life to be a poem." "I am a file somewhere...in a drawer at the Drug Squad." "A file." "November 2" "I'd like 10 hundreds... 5 fifties...10 tens...and 3 tens in 1-franc pieces." "Sir...for the third an last time" "I'm asking you to verify my cheque 63424 from batch 56454." "I don't have time to spend the morning here!" "I've other things to do!" "." "The bedroom as a sealed island world" "Wee white powder!" "... my "heroine"... my easy death..." "I hate you" "I don't want to grow old." "November 3" "I'm going to stay here..." "I'm feeling fine." "The world might stop spinning..." "Will I give a damn?" "I shan't move." "Isn't it only the world?" "I want to leave planet Earth." "November 5" "Naulet..." "Naulet!" "The manager wants to see you." "Naulet..." "Your repeated absences, your constant lateness the obvious lack of interest that you display oblige me to terminate your services." "Pull yourself together my boy..." "At least a bit." "You've got yourself into a bad way of life." "You must address yourself to that." "Life is ruled by the law of the jungle." "The strongest wins." "While I'm here alone in my room outside, life goes on." "visages...images" "I'll die before you do." "No..." "I'm going to be dead soon." "You must know that I told you that you surely remember that I've said it." "When you speak about your death, it's like you feel it." "My father would say to my mother..." ""Come on, Jeanne..." ""We'll go to the cemetery and choose our plot."" "And Mum would reply..." ""Doctor...you meeny..." ""You could take me for a walk to somewhere more exciting than that."" "After he'd bought a plot at Père-Lachaise cemetery... my father died the same year." "Eyelids closed..." "When you expose yourself..." "I attack you, closing my eyes." "You caress me in silence..." "In our bed..." "A cosy box..." "Like the gondola on a balloon." "You lie on top of me..." "You discover yourself..." "Be careful, for now I'm you..." "You got some?" "I saw Nat last night at Frank's place." "She said she had some." "You could call in." "Mind-blowing stuff." "If you want some for that other schmuck..." "grab it.." "It's hard to come by right now..." "I think Raphael's gone down to Marseilles." "Night is falling." "Night is falling, then comes morning." "Night is falling, then comes morning." "Night is falling, then comes morning." "December 6" "I can understand my mother's despair..." "can she understand mine?" "She called in a few weeks ago..." "I was writing." "She suggested I write a novel." "I told her not to expect anything from me..." "that I had no desire to do anything." "I told her that this was neither a diary nor a novel but only words..." "as memories of images." "She didn't understand" "She left, bewildered." "I'll smother you with caresses, all night long." "I'll smother you with caresses, all night long." "December 7" "And a demi-plié." "Spread your arms." "First, second..." "And a demi-plié." "Spread your arms..." "Keep your eyes on your hand...slide." "Second." "Demi-plié." "Spread your arms." "First." "And a demi-plié..." "What a lovely surprise!" "I came to get you..." "like before." "You know..." "I'm better at the moment." "I'll always love you." "I know." "Everyone's dumped me." "Have you too?" "You know very well I haven't." "I didn't want to bother you." "You never call..." "You don't come round any more." "It's hard to know, with you." "It was what you wanted, the last time I saw you." "I feel so alone." "It's better I go." "If you ever need me, I'm there..." "I'm always there." "But the fact is..." "It's true that you're alone..." "but that's because you want it that way." "Anyway...there's me." "December 10" "Paris, December 10, 1961." "Dear Santa," "My name is François." "I'm writing to ask you for a steam engine, a Meccano set, a telescope, a microscope and an army of soldiers with a general" "I shall be well-behaved and work hard at school." "Signed François Naulet." ""Merry Xmas"" "Merry Xmas, François." "December 24" "Poor François." "You should see all that's going on outside.." "From the taxi, I saw hideous "Merry Christmas" things." "I thought about your drawn curtains and your 4 walls." "At home, we're living like robots." "You get up, you eat, your father goes to work, you go to bed." "We don't enjoy anything anymore." "Every time I come here I intend being cheerful happy to be close to you." "As you see...it hasn't happened." "Don't you want any more?" "He lies stretched out..." "Dozing, with 2 large pillows under his head." "He reads for a bit." "He falls asleep, the book in his hands." "He says he's going out." "I don't know if it's true..." "Probably not." "I feel I should do something..." "It doesn't matter what." "You should see his pale face with its gentle expression of resignation." "An overgrown infant." "Grasping his comics..." "he's already somewhere else." "He looks like this, almost with an air of apology." ""I give you a lot of trouble." "I'm sorry. "" "I'd like to take him in my arms and say to him:" ""Speak!" ""I'll take away all you loathe..." "I'll heal you!" ""Don't be afraid...stay calm."" "And then...nothing." "Come on!" "January 20" "The softness of Guy." "The innocence of Pierrot." ""The open-air dance-hall where time has stopped."" "Is that's what it's called?" "With François, I called it that." "Is that a waltz?" "Yes...then they'll have a tango." "Anachronism." "What's that mean, "anachronism" ?" "It's hard to explain." "It's something which appeared in the past ...and which continues in the present." "Where I live there's an old lady who lived in 1900 with feathers and all that stuff." "Is that really an "anachronism"?" "Yes, that's it." "It's also a girl." "Miss Anna Chronism." "But that's something else." "You're stupid." "I came once with Marie, in spring." "We made love on the grass at the back." "It's where the police drive through." "They almost ran into us." "We didn't move." "It was amazing." "It's a wedding." "There are often weddings here." ""We'll get married in July, my love." ""The religious service will be followed by a dinner dance."" "The respectable lower middle-class..." "who dance the waltz." "There's a nightclub opposite." "But you don't dance the tango or the waltz over there." "February 12" "François!" "What do you want?" "I don't sell..." "I'm not a dealer." "You don't have a job?" "My parents take care of me." "They can afford it." "But you must get it somewhere." " I don't know anyone." " Give me a name." "I know nobody." "I buy around Barbès..." "the guys on the street." "I was told about you." "Do you know Simon?" "The real estate agent?" "A friend." "Stop it!" "That's not on!" "OK?" "I'm not that available." "You've had it off with Simon." "Simon's something else." "He's a friend." "Too bad for you." "We'll meet again." "I doubt it." "Reinventing my life..." "It's spinning now for the super-jackpot." "A 21-piece fine china dinner-set plus a full coffee service." "Both these items in one super-jackpot!" "Watch for the finish..." "The super-jackpot is in the yellow tickets..." "Get the fresh breeze on your face!" "All here...all here...all here...all here!" "Want some more..." "a little bit more?" "That'll be on the next spin." "Wait for the wheel to stop completely, before getting off or on..." "Wait for the wheel to stop completely, before getting off or on...please..." "Get into the car and please move off without waiting." "February 15" ""Disgust"" "The Journey." " Is Raphaël there?" " He is." "They came to my place yesterday." "Luckily I had nothing left." "Did they do a search?" "You got any?" "How much do you want?" "Four 100...two are for me." "46 Rue Jean-Giraudoux." "Jeanne Larivière, Jeanne Larivière." "My poor love..." "oblivion is a sleep." "One day we wake up." "The past resurfaces in ruins... and raises us..." "onto the silent heights of memory." "One day...you'll understand." "Couldn't you come on Thursday?" "I hadn't found anything." "What's going on?" "I phoned around..." "It's the same everywhere." "The cops are all over." "I'm well alert to them..." "You needn't worry about that." "What about Marco?" "Marco was busted." "Serge too." "There are still people you don't know." "Come in." "That's all I could get for you." "And it's 400." "400?" "Well, yes." "I just told you there was nothing." "If it's too dear...forget it." "I've got a buyer." "I was doing you a favour." "Alright then...give it to me." "Jeanne Larivière..." "The first time I saw her was in a picture in front of a small cinema." "I was 10 years old." "I went in." "I remember her bright eyes and her deep voice." "I didn't think that I'd know her one day." "That's dear...very dear!" "Stay for a bit." "I don't have time." "Stay." "Gestures." "I have a sailor," "..and a landlubber to love." "It's a drag..." "Tweet-tweet-tweet-tweet!" "...to love no more it's to die..." "Tweet-tweet-tweet-tweet!" "Tweet-tweet-tweet-tweet!" "Marguerite de Paris..." "Lend me your gray shoes" "Show me heaven" "Where the birds go tweet-tweet-tweet-tweet!" "Field of light..." "Proud victim..." "It's your life that I'm holding..." "Since I received from you..." "Our bedroom is shut up [This tune haunts me]" "Like a closed shellfish [This tune haunts me]" " Who's is this voice?" " I call myself Nostalgia." "February 21" "Disgust" "François..." "François!" "I didn't hear you come in." "François, I'm asking you one more time." "No." "The treatment is quite pleasant." "It's way out in the country in a sort of chateau." "It's not like a clinic..." "Hardly at all." "It's like being on holiday." ""Holiday"?" "I've already taken a holiday in one of those chateaux." "Please, mum..." "It'll be the same thing all over again." "What they say is old hat." "There's no point in going." "François..." "I'm sorry, mum." "At noon I had a delivery..." "then afterwards, those images, my visions." "They don't scare me more." "They're like daydreams." "February 25" "Karl's been dead for 10 years now." "10 years." "With Jacques, it'll be a year, in July." "And Georges...3 months." "What a winter!" "And all the rest of them." "Cyril, at the Magic record shop..." "Blew his brains out." "And Stella, the prettiest part-time pro around here..." "Really hot..." "Sleeping pills in a shitty hotel room..." "all alone..." "They found her naked on the floor..." "Didn't leave a note..." "No goodbyes." "Just silence...and death." "What's left of nice-guy Karl and those great holidays in Alsace?" "Just a name that's mentioned now and then and the fading memory of a face." "A small fair boy with very white skin who was scared of sunburn and who used to collect stones... ..who spoke with a drawl with his big fat mum and his big fat dad who were so Alsatian with their bright blue eyes Karl's eyes." "They don't see us anymore." ""A wise and patient face..." ""who appreciates the 2 friendships he's found..." ""on a summer evening where on the peaceful sea..." ""the sun sinks below the horizon..." ""leaving behind a red-tinted streak..." ""that conceals feelings that have passed." ""Karl." ""Memory of Karl." ""Winter 1959."" "A memory!" "How can you compare a memory with the real thing?" "..." "You can't name one!" "Whether we're laughing or crying..." "time goes by." "February 26" "March 3" "Time goes by." "Time goes by." "Time goes by." "Disgust, François." "Time hangs over my head." "Life goes on, François." "It comes and goes." "The slow tomorrow..." "March 4" "François?" "François, it's Guy." "François isn't there." "François isn't there." "March 6" "Twilight hour." "Time..." "Time..." "Time..." "Time..." "Time..." "March 24." "I just can't not come, François!" "You're so pale." "Look at yourself." "Look at your face." "I remember when you were little..." "with your cheeky expression..." "You smiled at everyone in the street." ""What a beautiful boy!" "Is he yours?" ""Yes, he's mine, madam." ""He's my son." "And his name's François."" "Come back, François." "Come home." "I'll look after you." "You'll be fine." "You can stay in your room." "You can do as you please." "Come home." "Here..." "This is for you." "Read it." "I think you'll understand." ""Mother, in spite of all your efforts," ""it'll be impossible for you to understand my refusal." ""The reasons, which mostly seem simple to me..." ""have become muddled in my head." ""Anyway, I've not the time..." ""and every man dies, carrying his secret." ""..." "His secret." ""It's a stupid word that may seem wreathed in mystery..." ""beloved of poets who don't want to explore their ideas further." ""For me, its meaning is quite simple." ""What is the secret of a man?" ""It's not what other people don't know about him." ""It's what he hasn't been able to make them understand..." ""which he has shut up in his softening brain..." ""all those sick ideas which would like to be expunged..." ""but cannot be...for the one who expresses them..." ""or who tries to express them..." "is so sick..." ""that they escape his grasp." ""They drift around his head..." "sleeping...forgotten." ""Sometimes they fleetingly reappear..." ""...alive, but likely to fall back to sleep just as quickly." ""I can't explain it." ""I don't want to grow old..." ""walking with little safe and sure steps..." ""...to that cold ending." ""Too bad if it means life is shorter..." ""...but better." ""I'd like to join Karl and the others..." ""in that shadow land they left us for..." ""...and which doesn't scare me anymore." ""Forgive me." "I love you both." "François."" "It's hopeless now." "It's over." "François..." "François..." "François..." "Leave me alone, Guy!" "Guy, our relationship was impossible." "Guy..." "March 25" "This isn't easy for me to say." "So it's best I come straight to the point." "I'm leaving you, François." "Our relationship's become meaningless." "There's no place for me in the life that you've chosen to lead." "It's certainly not enough for me." "I don't think I've ever lectured or reproached you." "But I'm no help to you... and I don't want to see you the way you are, any more." "I want to have a life again..." "to get away..." "I don't know..." "But I want to do it without you." "I'm glad you still love life." "I love it too." "I'd like life to never end..." "See!" "That's not a bit true, François." "You don't love life." "It's terrible to love someone who rejects everything." "That's why I'm going." "I don't have anything else but love to give you." "But you're off with the fairies..." "You're every which way." "I'd rather not see you anymore." "And yet, I still love you." "Where are you going?" "I don't know..." "I don't care where." "You're right." "At least with me, I've never hidden anything from you..." "You knew what to expect." "You've nothing to lose." "I know what you're trying." "You think this is so easy?" "When someone speaks of their death, it's as if they feel it." "Like they know they'll die." "I've no desire for a fight..." "I haven't the strength." "I'm somewhere else...far away down another road." "Everything slips through my fingers..." "I've gone quite mad." "I'm all over the place." "When I see all those faces, all those bodies on the street I'd like all of them." "Pretty mad." "Not much room for me!" "Sophie, I'll never forget you." "March 26" "Why wouldn't you come?" " I can't." " Pity." "Yes, it's a pity." "It's great down there in Brittany..." "at Beg Meil, Sauzon..." "[He speaks Breton]" "You know what that means?" "It means: "Where are you from?"" "There'll be a whole group of us." "No..." "I can't." "I'm going away, too." "I'm going on a very long journey." "Very, very, very far away." "As far away as possible." "Besides, if you go off on such a long journey you can't be sure that you won't return never to be seen again." "If you're never going to see me again..." "there's something I want to tell you." "You're the best thing in the world that ever happened to me." "I often think of you... about your joy, your freedom your generosity." "I wanted to tell the child..." ""you were the sunshine of my life" but a certain modesty prevented me." "I've never forgotten something you said on that first night..." ""I love everything that's beautiful..." "without distinction."" "March 27" "I've come to say goodbye." " You're leaving?" " Yes." "Everyone's dumping me." "So are you happy with your decision?" "Since everyone going, so am I." "François...take care." "If you leave, and then don't feel I can't say "good" As far as you're concerned that'd be going too far..." "I mean, if you aren't feeling better... and if you leave at the end of your journey, you'll have no one to blame but yourself." "I have to leave." "I regret having to leave you." "You haven't left me." "You left to go for a walk." "You're coming back." "I'm there." "That's all." "What about Marie?" "Marie is something else..." "She's a joy." "Marie loves you very much." "We often think about you." "There's plenty of room in one's life, François." "But no time." "On day people will laugh at the stories they invented when they're old and worn out." "What matters is what happens between two people." "That seems so obvious to me." "Of course..." "We can have preferences." "But one meeting can turn your life upside down." "You must love someone regardless of age or sex and all such stupidities." "A man or a woman..." "Old or young." "It doesn't matter which." "The important thing is to love.." "When I'm near you, everything seems so simple." "That may be because everything seems simple to ME." "Everything's all over the place for me." "It doesn't matter." " Doesn't it?" " No." "I hurt the people I love." "No...not only hurt." "It's irrelevant." "Everyone..." "You're the one who's hurt." "How come?" "You would have had to kill me to stop me leaving like you wanted to." "It wasn't serious." "I was worked up." "That would've freed you though, wouldn't it?" "But as you see, I couldn't." "We all have our limits." "It's awful loving someone who's running away." "Who's running away?" "You are." "You are." "What do you do when you're in love with someone like that?" "I don't know." "We'll ask Marie." "Marie!" "Marie!" "François..." "Marie..." "François wants to know how to cope, loving someone who's running away." "You have to make sure all the doors and windows are left open." "We had our time to cry..." "Now time moves on..." "Guy" "You coming to the rave-up?" " Are you both going." " We sure are." "Maybe I'll play something." "See you tonight." "Aren't you staying for dinner?" "I'm not eating much at the moment." "See you tonight." ""Society" party" "I'm from the suburbs..." "Drancy, near Bobigny." "Who brought you here?" "Roger." " What do you do?" " Nothing at all." "I want to work again..." "but not under a boss." "At a thing like this, I can meet important people.." "A buddy met a guy who has a factory." "Stinking rich." "This buddy works in the factory." "He's married." "He's got two cars." "At 14, I started in a bakery." "As an apprentice, you're worked to death for 20,000 a month..." "I enjoyed making cakes and inventing decorations but whipping up butter creams and puff pastries didn't interest me," "I quit." "The profile is quite admirable." "Though the bow is questionable." "Well...?" "As handsome as ever?" "Handsome for who?" "For what?" "Well, for other people, perhaps." "For yourself, too, dear boy." "But you don't know how to make use of it." "You're too unsociable." "It's good sometimes to let yourself be loved." "I prefer to choose who I love or am loved by." "Oh!" "You are far too demanding." "Look at Arnaud there." "He knows how to be loved, that one." " He's a pro." " There's no such thing." "He's weak." "He looks smart." "He's soft." "He likes floral sheets delicate perfumes winters on the Riviera." "We're very happy." "But you..." "If ever you felt like..." "I don't like floral sheets." "I hate the Riviera..." "where winter's like summer." "Come, come, come..." "François my boy..." "Forever the contrary one, eh?" "You really are incorrigible..." "But adorable." "You get a bit bored sometimes, with your regular lovers." "So, how's life treating you, François." "Life goes on and I go on." "Are you bored?" "No." "I mean I'm getting out..." "I'm leaving Paris." "Oh?" "Yes..." "Taking a trip is nice too." "You'll wreak havoc." "Have you seen our new recruit?" "Yummy!" "He's an electrician." "He came to do some repairs at Roger's place... ..and Roger kept him." "Not in the least bit shy." "And a body that'd make you flip!" "But perhaps I'm boring you." "That's enough, Georges." "I'm not interested in any of that stuff you're on about..." "A new face...a new body and you're contented?" "The well-known appetite of the homosexual." "If you think that 'straights' are more circumspect and that we're always on the make it's because we so rarely find what we want." "Do you prefer a girl or a boy?" "You can't really compare them..." "Would you rather sit on a chair or a sofa?" "That's for you." "It's just different." "They're different things." ""Only life ends." ""Feelings never die."" "I didn't expect to find you here, Sir!" "I'm better, you know..." "I'm feeling better." "I'm leaving tomorrow." "Darling..." "I was told you get along pretty well with the boys." "I do this to survive." "My father works on lifts." "He wouldn't make more than 100,000 a month." "I go out with guys who'd spend that in a night." "I don't want to be slaving 10 hours a day and still finish up hungry." " How are things Sophie?" " Fine." "I knew you'd be here." "I noticed three young boys and understood their astonishment." "I imagined the luxury and false splendour of the evening were painful for children born poor." "And you?" "Yes, I think he seems happier." "Speak of the devil..." "I'm going." "I love you both." "You love me..." "but you're still leaving." "March 28" "Time runs away" "Is anyone in there?" "It's incredible..." "I've been waiting half an hour." "What can we do?" "We have to call the cops." "We can't leave him here." "It'll scare the customers." "Call his parents." "Fate offered me a farewell bouquet of what I had so much liked..." "the beautiful, delicate and proud face of a child." "April 2" "I'll never see François again on this Earth." "April 3" "April 20" "You have to eat something." "Yes." "You can get up today and get dressed and we'll go for a walk." "Yes." "I've forgotten my glasses." "May." "On the silent heights of memory." "François, 3 months ago." "His last photo." "A year ago, in Mexico." "Here, too." "At Toulon." "The guitar, the push-bike... the motorbike..." "the swimming pool the holidays." "François at 13..." "At 8..." "The runaway child got his head shaved." "Then...nothing." "With my heart cooled down, I can hear you more." "I also thought life was poem, François." "A bed...wide open and crumpled." "Like a stricken ship" "Deserted beaches" "Frozen limbs" "Sick of life Eyelids wet" "I hear your trembling heart" "Time lost" "Time regained" "Anxieties, like dried flowers" "Dreams and hidden pleasures" "Your bed..." "Open and crumpled" "Like some great dismasted ship" "The field of battle..." "Where you assail me..." "Laughter and tears..." "Screams and tousled hair..." "Soft meadows..." "In slow motion..." "As if in ocean depths." "Colours bloom..." "Our bed..." "Open and crumpled..." "Like a bower of woven flowers..." "Sheets spread..." "Hands bound..." "To recreate the making of love..." "It all happens too quickly..." "Eyelids pressed..." "When you expose yourself..." "I attack you, closing my eyes." "You caress me in silence..." "In our bed..." "A cosy box..." "Like the gondola on a balloon." "You lie on top of me..." "You discover yourself..." "Be careful, for now I am you..." "Where is death?" "Where is life?" "Field of light..." "Proud victim..." "It's your life I hold inside me..." "Since I received it from you..." "Our bedroom is shut up..." "Like a closed shellfish..." "Soft sleep..." "Moon and sun..." "The passage of night and day..." "Will go with you, my love." "Subtitles by FatPlank for KG"