"# Mad world... #" "You snaked ME, mate!" "You need to learn some manners, mate!" "You snaked ME!" "You ripped it up out there this arvo." "Are you a perv?" "I'm Gumby Richards." "Shit." "Is that Gary Hennessey's dad?" "G'day, Ferris." "It's none of our business." "And you can't go poking your head around other people's marriages." "Your father promised he'd be home by 8:00." "I cooked apricot chicken." "Dad hates fruity food." "Did he say that?" "Drive!" "(TYRES SCREECH)" "Danny's asking who you are." "Danny Dixon?" "Wanna go round with me?" "Yeah." "We understand you'd like to take Deborah to the pictures." "Yeah." "Why did we let her go, Marty?" "We didn't have to." "I think she really wanted to go." "Yeah, well, maybe Bruce is bigger than Danny." "How different can dicks be?" "I'm Martin Vickers." "I'm Annie." "JUDY:" "Our daughter's..." "My parent's are acting really weird." "As long as I'm home before Mum gets back from work, it's alright." "(FIREWORKS EXPLODE)" "SONG: # See the lady in the streetcar light" "# Colour a la Toulouse" "# Television and red, red wine" "# So, won't you tell me" "# Won't you tell me the truth?" "# 10 years in the jailer's eye # Are you old enough?" "# And I'm thinkin' 'bout my baby" "# Are you old enough?" "# Lookin' at my life go by" "# Are you old enough?" "Ooh-ooh" "# Are you old enough?" "# Ooh" "# Are you old enough?" "# Are you old enough?" "# Are you old enough?" "My tits have gone to sleep, I'm that bored." "I wish they'd come in." "They've been out for two hours." "That's the fifth time she's come past." "Up the duff." "Trying to get rid of it." "Does that work?" "Better than a coathanger in your jazz." "(LAUGHS) Someone's coming in." "We need food." "Sure." "We'll get it." "12 pluto pups, six pies, eight chocolate Mooves." "And get some Redskins." "Redskins are unreal." "Tell Gary I'll have more than a Chiko Roll waiting for him." "Gary's not out there." "You're kidding me." "Why am I wait...?" "(SIGHS)" "Jeez!" "DAVID:" "Can we get tripe?" "JUDY:" "I can't believe you like tripe!" "No-one likes tripe." "Jill Tate." "Who?" "A woman I went to school with." "If you want to make something happen, David, you have to make it happen." "What do we want to happen?" "16cm." "Didn't get to full size, did you, Mr Hyporhamphus australis?" "Mr who?" "It's the scientific name for garfish." "Oh!" "You know a lot, don't you?" "I wish I'd stayed at school." "You can always go back." "Do you think I'm smart?" "Yes, I do." "Plectorhinchus chubbi." "Chubby?" "(LAUGHS)" "(LAUGHS) How big's chubby?" "Uh, 18cm." "Oh, whoa." "Um, real name?" "Dusky sweetlips." "On to this guy, the lobster." "Jasus." "Oh." "Lobster" " I've never eaten that." "Is it really called 'Jasus'?" "Yes." "'Cause they're so delicious, every time you eat one, you immediately exclaim, 'Jasus, that's good!"" "(LAUGHS)" "(CHUCKLES)" "30cm." "OK." "Roger!" "G'day, mate." "Hi, mate." "This is Celia." "Hello." "Nice to meet you." "You too." "Hey, why don't we sit over here, hey?" "FERRIS:" "There you go, sweetheart." "Let's banquet, hey?" "Sure." "Amazing prawns - bring 'em to you still alive in a plastic bag with a fucking price tag on 'em." "(CHUCKLES) Ah, there's Ginny." "Celia's bringing a mate." "Hey, beautiful Ginny." "Hey, Ferris." "This is Roger, king of Cronulla." "Hello." "Ginny's an art student, so you two will have a lot in common." "Excuse me, mate." "Could we get some beers all round?" "Yeah?" "So...who wants crabs?" "(LAUGHS)" "That is beautiful." "Check out the rails on that, eh?" "And I just have to use it and it's free?" "Pretty much - just wear our gear, say nice things about us when you win the Pepsi Classic." "(SCOFFS) Yeah, right." "That'll be the day." "Hey, man, you're good." "We don't just give our stuff to anybody." "Anyway, main thing is just enjoy it." "People notice you out there." "That's all T-Mac wants." "YVONNE:" "Hello!" "GUMBY:" "Hello." "I'm Gumby." "My parents call me Martin, but you can call me Gumby." "Oh, OK." "Hello, Martin." "Do you want something, Mum?" "I heard voices." "Thought it might be your dad." "Hey." "Hey." "GUMBY:" "Anyway, I better roll." "Thanks a lot." "Nice one." "(CHUCKLES) Who's this, Gary?" "Oh, I'm Vicki." "How you goin'?" "I'm goin' alright." "(CAR ENGINE STARTS)" "Can we help you?" "She's here for me, Mum." "Just go back inside." "I'm his girlfriend." "Well...you better come in, then." "Have a cup of tea and a chat." "GINNY: (LAUGHS) Teetering off the edge there." "FERRIS:" "I'll just use the..." "These are a great invention, don't you think?" "This thing?" "ROGER:" "Whoa, not too fast." "Slow down, Fangio." "(LAUGHS) Slow down what?" "It's a car racer." "Roger, are these two the most beautiful women or what?" "Yes, they are very beautiful." "A toast." "To meeting a woman who smiles at me and I don't think of crowns and molars " "I think of love and happiness." "Aww!" "Isn't he sweet?" "Now, let's get out of here, get a hotel room and a few bottles." "What do you say?" "Maybe a smoke?" "Ohh!" "Hippie!" "Old codger!" "What about you, Rog?" "Hmm?" "I know what you're doing, mate." "What am I doing?" "I'm not gonna root her." "What's-her-name" " Ginny." "No, instead, you'll go home, you'll think about it and you'll wank." "(LAUGHS)" "You think in five years time, girls like Ginny are gonna want that with you?" "No, mate." "No." "Moments come and then they go." "You wanna grab one or not?" "Look, I don't root around." "I won't dob you in about Celia." "Hey, I love Celia." "It's not just sex for me." "She's..." "I'm alive with her." "You know, I feel..." "like a..." "lion." "(LAUGHS) A lion?" "(LAUGHS)" "I do, though." "How weird is that?" "(LAUGHS)" "DEBBIE:" "I'm gonna get Bruce two Chiko Rolls." "He'll be starving." "SUE:" "Yeah." "He's a big, hungry man with a big..." "Sue!" "Shut up!" "He never even talks to me, you know?" "He's rapt in you." "He told Vicki." "Really?" "Yeah." "I am incredibly beautiful, I guess." "Darling, you're stunning." "I suppose Bruce is just awed by my beauty and can't talk in my presence." "Course he is." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "What do youse want?" "Um, 18 pluto pups, eight chocolate Mooves, eight meat pies with sauce and two Chiko Rolls." "And I'll have a Fizz Wizz and eight Redskins." "And a Polly Waffle." "Maybe you need to stretch yourself." "Metaphorically?" "No..." "Sue!" "(LAUGHS)" "That's gross." "That's gross!" "(LAUGHS)" "Sugar?" "Six." "Nice joint you got." "(CLOCK CHIMES)" "Five...six." "Ah!" "Why was that Martin bloke giving you all those boards?" "T-Mac Boards are sponsoring me." "Bullshit!" "Sorry." "Really?" "Let's go to my room." "(SIGHS) Danny's such a doll." "Bruce." "Danny." "I got you two." "Thanks, babe." "Did you see my last wave?" "Yeah, it was a beauty." "So, is it cold in?" "Mm." "I thought maybe we could go for a swim later." "Let's go." "Let's go home." "Training, huh?" "Yeah." "Mum says we're having a dinner party." "She what?" "I know." "It seems strange, doesn't it?" "Who?" "I dunno." "(DOOR CLOSES)" "Evening, darling." "Dad's home." "I can see that, David." "Hi!" "Next Saturday, we're gonna have Jeff and Jill Tate over for dinner." "I don't know who they are." "Jill Tate I went to school with." "We weren't friends, but I saw her today and I thought," ""That is how I get to Jeff Tate."" "And who's Jeff Tate?" "This is very interesting!" "He is an area supervisor for the Education Department - responsible for picking the members of the Syllabus Review Board, of which... (WHISPERS) .." "I will be one!" "Right." "Aren't you busy enough?" "The syllabus is something that I want to have input into." "There are so many things that need changing, Martin." "This is a chance for me to really affect things." "Dad was surprised when I told him about the dinner party." "It'll be fine." "JUDY: (LAUGHS) Ohh!" "No, no, it'll be better than fine." "It'll be stunning." "They will come here..." "and they will be impressed." "OK." "Can I be a waiter?" "(LAUGHS) No!" "But I could wear my suit from Aunty Kathy's funeral." "How was work?" "Great." "(SIGHS) Bonjour, family." "Where have you been?" "Library." "I have to graph rainfall in the wheat-growing areas of the Wimmera." "Mum's having a dinner party." "You hate dinner parties." "(SIGHS) I don't hate them." "(SCOFFS) No way." "What are you doing here?" "I want you to stop seeing whoever it is you're seeing." "How about I pull all the teeth out of your head, one by one?" "Dad, it's killing Mum." "Shut up, Gary." "Don't you remember what she used to be like?" "She was fun and funny." "She just sits inside all day, doing nothing, wondering and waiting for you." "I just..." "I want you guys to be happy." "A man's blood needs heat." "It needs to feel like it's... ..alive...and pumping." "You get me?" "No, I don't." "Your mother is like ice on my blood and I need heat." "Otherwise, I feel like" "I'm just going through the motions of teeth and bills and teeth and bills and teeth and fuckin' bills." "She loves you." "Gary, you're lucky that I come home at all." "(SCOFFS)" "Go home." "One day you'll understand." "No, I won't." "Oh, what are you gonna do?" "Just seeing if it's hot." "Jesus, Gary, what the...?" "Dad!" "Where did you get that, Dad?" "King Neptune." "He's giving them away down there." "Did you just steal it from the wogs' pots?" "Those pots are illegal to begin with." "You did!" "Dad!" "I don't mind!" "(LAUGHS)" "The sea is for everyone." "Exactly." "Why should the wogs have all the fun?" "Exactly." "You'll die one day." "Thanks, Dad." "No, I mean... ..you can't always play safe." "You have to feel." "What were you like as a teenager?" "Boring." "Good." "(LAUGHS)" "You're not boring, Dad." "You're not boring, Dad." "WOMAN:" "So, dinner party?" "Sounds like fun." "I'm not a great cook, but you have to try to make new friends." "Good on you!" "Mm." "What are you up to tonight?" "Going to the club with Shane McDonald after the game." "Ooh!" "He's amazing." "Did you see what they did to the Tigers last week?" "No!" "He's like this animal on the football field, and then just so..." "sweet and funny off it." "Ohh, sounds serious!" "Well, he isn't gonna marry me." "How do you know?" "His wife may get a bit cross." "Oh. (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)" "It's just a bit of fun." "Unless you're his wife." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ON CAR RADIO)" "Hi!" "Hey." "Hey, Danny." "Hey, Bruce." "Where will I go during the party?" "Your room." "Will you bring me food?" "Have I already put the garlic in?" "Smell it." "Oh, good idea." "Thanks." "(SIGHS) It's going to be great." "I'll settle for 'tasty', not 'poisonous'." "Did you get a bit of sun this morning?" "Yeah, I guess." "Oh." "Now, a quick shower." "(DAVID BREATHES ON GLASS)" "I'll be back soon." "Can I come?" "Polish the glasses." "Remember - breath, not spit." "(SPITS)" "(LAUGHS)" "I didn't know you were in today!" "I'm not." "I found something this morning and it made me think of you." "Jasus!" "(LAUGHS) You remembered." "Yeah!" "Well, I thought you could eat your first lobster." "(LAUGHS)" "('COMIN' DOWN' BY THE ANGELS PLAYS)" "Gonna go get a car and head up to Byron." "Can I come?" "Yeah." "Course." "Gary?" "Maybe later." "Brucey." "You're up, mate." "Wait a sec." "I thought we could just talk for a minute." "About what?" "Well, I haven't seen you in ages." "How's things?" "Alright." "What does your dad do for a living?" "Nothing." "Great." "That's...good." "Are you reading any good books at the moment?" "(SIGHS) Stop mucking' around." "Let's go." "Sorry." "Got the vaso?" "Ah, bloody hell." "I must have left it in my bedroom." "Strike a light, woman!" "I'll..." "I'll go get some." "Hey, Sue, have you, um..." "Have you got any vaso?" "No." "Cheryl, do you..." "Have you got any vaso?" "Nah, man." "I'll ask for you, though." "Anybody got any vaso?" "(ALL LAUGH) Vaso?" "Are you serious?" "GIRL:" "Yeah." "Here." "Yep." "I got it." "Get your dacks off." "Move your leg." "('MR STRANGE' BY TAMAM SHUD PLAYS)" "Sue." "Come on." "Let's go in." "Sue." "Come on." "Let's go in." "Mmm." "Did you actually catch this?" "Yes." "For me?" "Everyone should taste lobster, and I saw it and..." "Thank you." "Hmm." "Jasus, that's good!" "(LAUGHS)" "(ROGER GROANS)" "(BOTH SIGH)" "Oh, mate. (SIGHS)" "I love a nooner on a sunny day." "Oh, rain, sun, snow." "Oh, I'm always good to go." "(BOTH LAUGH)" "I love you, doll." "You better." "I, um..." "What?" "Seen Yvonne lately?" "Yeah, I ran into her at Franklins the other day." "God, she's a scared one." "She tried to pretend not to see me." "She hid behind some watermelons." "(BOTH LAUGH)" "You can tell something's really wrong, though, you know?" "Mm." "Did he say anything about it the other day?" "No, not a word." "And you're a man, so you didn't ask." "There are rules." "I didn't make 'em." "(LAUGHS)" "('GREENSLEEVES' PLAYS ON ICE-CREAM TRUCK P.A.)" "(MUSIC STOPS)" "Oi!" "Rack off!" "Piss off." "Anything else with that, gentlemen?" "DARREN:" "Yeah, mate." "Walnuts." "('LET IT RIDE' BY BACHMAN-TURNER OVERDRIVE PLAYS)" "Cheezel?" "You're dropped." "OK..." "Sorry, it's..." "Just...if he can't root you, you know, what's the point?" "Yeah." "DARREN:" "Let's get ripped!" "JUDY:" "David, can you make sure the soup tureen's clean?" "Where did your father say he was going?" "I don't know." "Out somewhere." "(CROAKS)" "David, soup tureen, yes?" "Where have you been?" "Petrol." "It's an odds day." "Queue was ridiculous, so I drove around, looking for another servo less busy and I ran out of petrol." "DAVID: (LAUGHS) That's funny." "Is it?" "Yeah." "'Cause you're in the queue, and then you left to go..." "Yes, thank you, David." "I appreciate your grasp of irony." "Anyway, so...had to walk and get a can and..." "Well, I'm here now." "Sorry, darling." "It's gonna be a disaster." "I should never have tried this." "It's just too...clever." "I can't do clever, surreptitious things." "At least before, I would have just been judged on me at work." "Now we're gonna be judged on us and this stupid soup and..." "Darling, it's going to be alright." "What do you need to be done?" "(SIGHS)" "It was like trying to fit a corn cob into a thimble." "SUE: (LAUGHS) Oh, my God." "We are so stoned!" "YOU are!" "You can't hold your smoke, lady." "Lady." "(BOTH LAUGH)" "Lady." "(BOTH LAUGH)" "(LEAD GUITAR SOLO PLAYS ON STEREO)" "(PANTING)" "(SIGHS)" "(SIGHS)" "Hey, Gary." "Hey." "What's funny?" "Everything. (LAUGHS)" "(LAUGHS) I don't know why I'm laughing." "I just got dropped." "Yeah." "I think I did too." "Really?" "Really." "Hi, Lynette!" "LYNETTE:" "Get out!" "All of you, out!" "Get out!" "(KIDS LAUGH AND SCREAM)" "Let's go!" "(BABY WAILS)" "Mum, don't have a spaz." "Ohh!" "Mwah!" "Jeff!" "JEFF:" "Hello." "Lovely home you have!" "You've really used the small space well here." "Thank you." "So...sherries?" "Beers?" "What's our libation?" "Libation?" "Drop." "Drink!" "Better!" "(ALL LAUGH)" "We're not in the 18th century anymore, darling!" "JEFF:" "If you had a single malt scotch, I'd hug you." "Well, I, uh... ..just picked up a fresh bottle today." "Well, I promised." "Have a seat." "Have a seat." "Did you see the moon?" "It's so beautiful." "I wonder if there's two astronauts on it, looking down at us, going," ""Those girls look cute."" "(LAUGHS)" "Don't worry about Bruce." "Big dickhead." "Big...dick...head." "(CHUCKLES)" "(BOTH LAUGH)" "See ya." "(MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY)" "(DOOR CLOSES)" "Hi." "Sorry." "Library." "Did you know the crop devastation wrought by the '38 drought...?" "No." "Late, when I needed you most." "Can you please ladle the soup into the tureen?" "That is so orange!" "Yes, it looks good." "Mmm!" "Needs some sour cream and some chives on top too." "What about the frog?" "The what?" "Oh!" "(RASPS) David!" "Right." "Oh!" "Ohh..." "Mum!" "Ohhh!" "Ow!" "(DAVID CONTINUES MOANING)" "(BRIGHTLY) Well!" "This is a disaster, isn't it?" "Oh, forget it, Judy." "You should have seen what he did to our son Dougie the other night." "Well..." "Well, I whacked him like hell." "If you have an idiot 15-year-old who shaves both your dogs and paints racing stripes on them, then it's hard to remain cool." "(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)" "(ALL LAUGH)" "Jill, a riesling?" "Oh, thank you." "Yes!" "Oh!" "Now, Judy, we have to set aside some time for you to bend Jeff's ear about the committee." "You must have ideas." "I told him that you were always the smartest person in school." "Oh, I would love that!" "Great." "Cheers." "Here we go." "Oh, thank you." "Lovely!" "I bet he never expected to die like that." "Put the frog in the bin." "Can you slice up the abalone?" "What about the lobster?" "What lobster?" "The one Dad caught this morning." "(LAUGHTER AND MUSIC ON TV)" "Hello." "Where have you been?" "(SLURS) Sorry." "(LAUGHS) Sorry." "I..." "I had a drink of UDL and I'm a bit tipsy." "I believe that is the term." "You're what?" "(SUE GIGGLES)" "So strange, I can't tell you!" "Oh, dearie, dearie me." "Um..." "Well, maybe we should make you some cocoa and you can have a lie-down on the couch and watch TV." "I'd enjoy that, Roger." "Thank you." "Good. (CLEARS THROAT)" "(QUIETLY) There you go, pet." "(LAUGHS)" "(LAUGHS) Benny Hill, you are so funny!" "It went really well." "Really well." "I really think he responded to your ideas." "You know, the homework thing and the syllabus..." "They loved the abalone, didn't they?" "Yeah!" "Fresh from the sea." "Oh, delicious!" "I wonder how they would have liked lobster." "I'll wash up, darling." "Why don't you go to bed?" "(DOOR CLOSES)" "Ferris?" "Oh, I thought you might be Dad." "Why would he come home?" "What?" "Why the fuck would he come home to you?" "You do nothing." "Little house mouse." "You're drunk." "No, you need to stop running and face up to shit." "Hey, you want to know why Dad doesn't come home?" "You...be...careful." "Dad doesn't come home because you're no fun, Mum." "You're a fucking lump with no friends and no spark." "He's out there, trying to find someone else because there is nobody here." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, Mum." "I'm sorry." "I..." "I didn't mean any of that." "I didn't mean any of it." "I'm sorry." "Mum?" "You have to forgive me." "(GARY SOBS)" "(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)" "Hey, Sue." "Hey." "How was class?" "You were lying on the lawn, wasted." "Yeah, everyone was wasted." "Yeah, but you can't be single and wasted and lying on the ground." "It looks bad." "Vicki says." "Vicki says?" "What - you and Vicki are best mates now or something?" "If you were just normal and did it with him, we wouldn't even be..." "Well, why don't we just go to the next ball and I'll find another suitable gent who's not hung like a donkey?" "It's not funny, Debbie." "I know." "This is serious!" "You've gotta be with someone in the gang." "You can't act like a moll." "I wasn't doing anything anyone else wasn't." "Yeah, but you're not with anyone, so it looks real bad." "Piss off!" "You wouldn't have had the guts to be in the gang if I didn't push you." "Well, I'm in it, moll." "Bitch." "Girls!" "I have to go, sir." "Girls!" "I have to go, sir." "(SIGHS)" "(DOOR OPENS)" "Hey." "Hi." "Do you wanna go get a milkshake?" "Gotta meet Danny." "OK." "We can get one on the way." "Chocolate and caramel?" "No." "Caramel and chocolate." "I insist upon chocolate and caramel!" "Well, we'll just have to flip a coin." "Best of 11." "(LAUGHS)" "SUE:" "Hey." "I remember you." "From the lawn party?" "(LAUGHS)" "Yeah." "Exactly." "Saw a pod of whales before." "Really?" "Was it amazing?" "Yeah." "I love whales." "Me too."