"You know, the Greeks invented chess." "I'm thinking." " Could you get me a cookie?" " Of course." "Thank you." " Could I have a little more tea, please?" " Sure." " And a napkin?" " Oh, my pleasure." "Thank you." " Gus, there's a mouse!" " Where?" " This is more fun than regular chess." " I know." "Hi, Nick!" "Too slow." " Nia, this fall off your head?" " There it is." "I've been picking hair out of people's omelets all morning." "Not yours." "Everybody ease's." "I don't mean to break up your social hour but am I gonna have to put out an APB on my BLT?" "Hello, Joe." "How's it going today?" "Not bad, except they may have to put out an APB on my BLT." "Hey, good one." "Nick, hurry up with that food." "The man's got a gun." "I'm just pretending you're one of those loose-cannon cops." "Like Burt Reynolds, may he rest in peace." " Ma, he's still alive." " Not really." "Loni Anderson sucked the life right out of him." " Hello, Joe." " Hey, Gus." " Everything good?" " Yeah, I guess." "But, if you'll excuse me, I got to go see a man about a squad car." " Nia." " Here's Joe's check." "Nia, you know Joe doesn't pay." "What does he have on you?" "Naked pictures?" "Did you kill someone?" "Did you kill a naked person and take their picture?" "We want the police to be our friends." "You know Officer Joe eats for free." "And we get to double-park the truck out front." "Everybody wins!" " But it's against the law, Dad." " It's against the law." "Laws are for people who have no friends." "What are you, Al Capone?" "Nia you think you're always right, but that's very annoying." "I know, Dad." "Being right all the time is even annoying to me." "Sweetheart, you wouldn't have time to stick your nose into our business..." "...if you just had a baby." " Your mother is right." "Stop making trouble." "Try to be more like your brother." "I'll try." "You know what Officer Joe did to me yesterday?" "He gave me one of these:" "I hate that." "Like you're a dog." "Hey, am I gonna have to put out an APB on my BLT?" "No." "There's your sandwich." "It should give you the strength to fight crime of all kinds, like extortion." "I guess." " Cake!" "See you tomorrow." " No, no, no." "Don't." " Nia, he can't just do that!" " I know, but he does." "Boy, you people sure like your raisins." "Okay, that's it." "Joe!" " That'll be $2.50 for the cake." " I'm sorry?" "Yeah." "And 6 bucks for the sandwich." "With coffee that's $10.50." "What are you talking about?" "I have an arrangement." "Well, here's the new arrangement:" "You eat our food and then pay for it." "I can wait if you want to go empty a parking meter." " Oh, so that's how it's gonna be?" " Yeah, that's how it's gonna be." " So that's how you wanna play it, huh?" " Yeah." "Fine." "Hey, don't do the crime if you can't pay the dime!" " Yeah!" " Yeah, what's up with that?" "Hey, there's no complimentary food because you're so rude!" "Yeah!" "There ain't no free lunch if you don't got s" "I need a rhyme for "lunch."" " Punch." " Yeah, okay!" "No, it's gotta make sense." "Dad, why do we give money to the church?" "You scratch God's back, he scratch yours." " Guess how many goals I scored." " Nine." "No." " Guess again." "Try a smaller number." " One." "I said "goals."" "Two." "Eleven." "Yay!" "Here, taste this baklava." " Yeah." "How is it?" " It's amazing." "Yeah?" "Kind of the feeling you get when you score three goals." "You'll do better next time." "I'm sorry, you're having sex." "We'll be back in four minutes." " We're not having sex." " Well, why not?" "You just got married." " Mom!" " What?" "When Taki and I got married, they'd have to use a hose to keep us from" " Okay!" " Okay!" "I'm just saying that Taki didn't always have asthma." "Okay, I'm out of here." "See you." "Wait!" "I brought you some clothes I don't want any more." " What makes you think I want them?" " It's not so much "want" as "need."" "Nikki, I don't want your stupid hand-me-downs." "It's like you think" " Tassels." " Wait, I didn't mean to put that in there." "It's mine now!" "Hello!" "I'm taking them with me." "Where you going?" " Where are you going?" " Somewhere." " She's having an affair!" " I'm going to the police station." " It always works." " Why are you going there?" "Oh, well, you know how much I love our Chicago police force." "They lock up perps, and they do that "10-4" thing on the radio, working h" " Hi." " What'd you do?" "Joe the cop eats for free in exchange for letting us double-park." " And?" " Before my brain caught up with my mouth, I made him pay for lunch." "Oh, boy, so now your parents don't have anywhere to park their truck." " You're in trouble." " No, I'm not." "Oh, boy." "Foreplay." "Okay, while it was really fun telling Officer Joe off and I was good, you should have seen me." "I was like:" "I just thought, you know what?" "I'm going to fix it now before my parents find out, with this baklava." "And because we said we'd always be honest I may wear these tassels and give Officer Joe a hug." "I don't think dressing like a B-movie strumpet is good for this one." "You could just go down to City Hall and get a permit for a loading zone." "Honey, if it were that easy, don't you--?" "Damn, that's a good idea." "They don't call you "almost a professor" for nothing." " I'm not just another pretty face." " No, you're not." " I'm off to City Hall." "See you." " We'll come with you." " Yeah." "It'll be fun." " You're all going to City Hall with Nia?" "She'll need us there." "There's going to be trouble." " How do you know?" " Because it's Nia." "Let's go." " I'm bored." " Here, play with my purse." " There, we're moving." " Oh, yeah, I felt the wind in my hair." "We've been here so long, I've had a birthday." "Let's forget this and just go with my "Operation:" "Baklava."" "To tell you the truth, dear, nobody likes your baklava." " Everybody loves my baklava." " You know the problem with it?" " I have no problem with it." " You skimp on the honey like it's wartime." "That's all we're saying." "More honey, fresher nuts." "Or just call it something else." " How about "mock-lava"?" " That's good." "I was just being sarcastic." " Hey, Ma." " Nick, what took you so long?" " Dad had to park really far away." " Why didn't he double-park out front?" "He tried, and Officer Joe walked by." "Dad said, "Hey, it's Joe with the jokes."" "And Joe said, "Here's one for you:" "Get your truck out of my face."" "I don't get his jokes." "No, Ma, then Joe wrote Dad a ticket and he had to park over on Halstead." "I must be missing the punchline." "Gus!" " What happened?" " Dad!" "I was carrying that box, and I was thinking to myself:" ""Only four more blocks." "Four more blo--"" "Then I heard "bop."" "Then I heard "click."" "Then I heard screams and they were coming from me!" "We've got to get you to the doctor." "Maybe he could check that rash while we're there." "I don't need no doctor." " Dad..." " What got into Officer Joe?" " Don't look at me." " I was nice to him." "I laughed at his joke." "Nia walked him to the door." "Gus, now, stay calm." "Nia!" "Did you hear someone calling my name?" " Dad, is it okay to disagree with you?" " Of course, honey." "As long as you don't mind being wrong." " Trust me, it'll work." " Nia, I promise, it's morally okay." "Oh, all right." "Do you mind if we go ahead of you in the line?" "I'm pregnant." "So am I." "Welcome to Dancing Zorba's." "Eight legs." "Party of four." " Sit there." " This is ridiculous." " You've got to go home." " I have not missed one day of work in 35 years." "Gus, I'm over here." "Whoever mopped this floor should be fired." "For crying out loud, Gus, you look like a coffee table." " Who said that?" " All right, that's it." "I'm taking you home." "We'll go by Voula and Taki's and we'll borrow one green pill and a half a blue one." "I might need a whole blue one." "First I'll call Nia and have her cover for you." "No!" "I'm mad at her." "Why should she get to cover for me?" "Okay, Gus, you're right." "We'll just let Nick handle things by himself." "Give me the phone!" " Hello." " I'm hurt." "Are you happy now?" "I can't come to the phone right now." "Leave a message after the beep." "I know it's you." "Thanks to you, I have to park far away my back makes a sound and you're killing your mother!" "Now I have to go." "Nick is alone." "Come to the restaurant." "We have to go." "Nick's at the restaurant alone." "Let's go." "Next." "I'm back." "Okay, out of 20." "And thank you for eating at Dancing Nick's." "I hope your dining experience was both satisfying and awesome." "Because if you're not happy, Dancing Nick is not happy." "And if Dancing Nick is not happy..." "How would you like your change in galaktoboureko?" "Hello, Zoning." "Can you hold?" "Hello, Zoning." "Let me transfer you." "Hello, Zoning." "Hello, Zoning." "Hello?" " I'm sorry." "I zoned." " Can I help you?" " Yes, we are here to get" " I'm on the phone." "Let me transfer you." "Welcome to City Hall." "My name is Trudy, and I'll be your clerk." "Hi." "My name is Nia, and I'll be your citizen." " That's so funny." " She's sort of the family clown." "I got the looks." " You have your paperwork?" " Yes, I do, Trudy." "And a copy of our business license and the check for the filing fee paper-clipped on top, Trudy." "So the check goes here, and this goes in here." "And..." " Wow!" "Could I try that?" " You could, if you worked here." "She's married, so stop hitting on her." " All right, dear, are we done now?" " Oh, I think so." "Here is your temporary permit." "I am so glad this is over." "Thank you, Trudy." "Good luck with your dog kennel." " I'm sorry, what?" " Isn't that what you filled out?" " A request to groom and house dogs?" " No, we applied for a loading zone." "Oops." "I just sent the paper up to Animal Control." "Stop it." "Don't touch the tube." "Now there's a sentence you don't hear every day." "Okay, okay, okay, okay." "If everyone would just stop yelling at me, I think I have this figured out." "Mr. Rollins, you give your 20 to Mr. Chin and he'll give you two fives." "Then you get seven ones from this guy in the hat." "But that means my French toast cost $60." " It was good, wasn't it?" " Oh, come on!" " Okay, okay, okay, let's start over." " Nick, what's going on?" "Hey!" "Hey, pal." "Hey, listen, you know how I let you marry my sister?" "Yes, and I walked over here to thank you." "Everybody, this is my brother-in-law, Thomas." " So?" " What are you doing?" " I need your help." " I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." "I need your help." "Nia's downtown, my parents left me in charge..." "...and I can't get this register open." " I'm sorry, you need my what?" "Okay, I see what you're doing." "I'm always giving you a hard time about you stealing my sister and how you dance." "And now it's payback." "You know, for a guy my height, I dance pretty well." "Yes, you do." " So I'm sorry." " I'm sorry, sir." "Don't push it." " What is this?" " Dad." "Dad, thank God." "Thomas just flipped out and went insane." "I think he broke the cash register." "We've been waiting for our change for half an hour." "Sit down, sit down, sit down." "Everybody sit down." "Take off your hat." "This is not a hockey game." " Gus, there you are." " Maria, my back is better." " I feel strong like an ox." " That's because of the pain pill." " Come home." "You're not yourself." " Oh, of course I am." "Hello, handsome." "Gus, are you all right?" "Why are you wearing a girdle?" "It's for my back." "Why, you like it?" " It's all right." " Where is Nia?" "Nia?" "Little Nia, where are you?" " Don't hide from me." " Dad, Nia's not here." "And you're creeping me out." "She's not here." "First she insults the police then she hurts my back, now she abandon me." "I deserve it because I'm so full of love." "You're so full of something." "Come on, let's go." "I can't get this register open that Thomas broke." "Oh, Nick, I'm sorry." "I forgot, I changed the code." "The new code is..." "Everybody, close you ears." "One, two, three." "Alrighty, here's the deal." "You can only file one permit form a day." " Trudy, you just made that up." " What's your problem?" "Well, you've been a little patronizing." "Plus, this one touched the tube." " Trudy, you're not nice at all." " You think that made you mad?" " Watch this." "Next!" " No!" "All right, all right, all right." "Here." "Bribe the witch." "That's how my parents do business." "That's right, and they're doing quite well." "Hi, Trudy." "Love your hair." "I don't know where we got off on the wrong foot." " When you touched the tube." " Right." "I need that permit, and I need it today." "You have parents, don't you, Trudy?" "Okay." "You know how our parents have always driven us crazy?" "Like when we were younger, they put us in dorky clothes put the bowl on our head and cut our hair and they saved our umbilical cord in a pickle jar and brought it out in front of a boy we liked." "Well, that's why I'm here today." "Because my parents drive me crazy when they run the restaurant like bootleggers." "It just has to stop." "Today." "In your line." "What's it gonna take, Trudy?" "I need that permit." "What will it take?" "Nia, I have to hand it to you." "We have a loading zone, and it's all because of you." " It's no big deal." " You showed us there's more than one way to do things." "Mark it down." "We were wrong, you were right." "Oh, Mom, that's not necessary." "Right, wrong." " I have your check." " Oh, I got it!" " I was doing it." " Yeah, you're busy." "Yeah, you're right." "Will there be anything else?" "You guys got any T-shirts?" "Subtitles by SDI Media Group"