"Shawn, why is there a giant hole in my front yard?" "It's simple, Dad." "Don't get upset." "The hole was my grave." "What?" "Gus made me dig my own grave, then shot me and stole my boots." "Only he didn't bury me far enough, and the buzzards ate my entrails." "Oh." "So, you..." "You were playing cowboys and Indians, huh?" "Just cowboys." "Playing Indians is offensive." "Then the buzzards ate your entrails." "That's awful." "Yeah." "It was a tragic end to our adventure." "But it's the realism that makes it fun." "If it helps, Gus ended up getting hung by a one-eyed crooked sheriff." "Well, did the buzzards eat his entrails, too?" "Of course they did." "Hey, Shawn, I got a game for you." "It's called get your butt in my yard and fill in that hole now." "It's the realism that makes that fun, too." "(SIGHS)" "(WHISPERING) He's going to kill us." "What?" "He hasn't said a word the whole time he's been driving." "Face it, Shawn, he's finally snapped." "He asked us for a favor, that's all." "We can leave anytime we want." "Case in point." "(HANDLE RATTLING)" "This is all your fault." "You and all your practical jokes you play on him." "Those were team-building exercises to build camaraderie." "How do you build camaraderie by changing someone's bank account numbers?" "What the hell's going on back there?" "Look, Lassie, I know I've been a tad annoying in the past, but shooting Gus and disposing his body in the aquifer is not the answer." "(HITTING) Ow!" "Don't be ridiculous." "I'm not going to shoot anyone." "He didn't say anything about knifing anybody." "Do you really need that clarification?" "It would be nice, yes." "So what's with all the secrecy, you handsome pasty devil?" "(EXHALES)" "What we're doing isn't exactly official Santa Barbara Police business and it isn't exactly my jurisdiction." "We're going to a small town a few miles up north where the sheriff's an old friend of mine." "Some unexplained things have been happening at night." "You two have a propensity for finding something from nothing and I need that gift." "Where's the town?" "This is the back." "The back?" "Wow." "Just how old is Old Sonora?" "I will ask you to stifle your urge to make fun of everything that is decent." "Sheriff Hank is a good man who deserves not only your respect but your admiration." "Okay." "Sheriff." "Well, look at you." "Ain't you a sight for sore eyes." "Thanks for coming." "How you doing, Sheriff?" "These are the men I was telling you about." "That's Burton Guster and Shawn Spencer." "Well, pardon me, but we had a mess of trouble here last night." "Sheriff Hank Mendel." "Pleasure to meet you." "Welcome to Old Sonora." "Thank you, Sheriff." "I'm sure you've heard about what I do and how cool it is." "You've now seen my hair which means you're doubly impressed, but let's not get wrapped up in gushy compliments." "I get a little self-conscious." "Hell, I wasn't even going to call you out here, but Binky insisted." "Binky?" "Oh, you don't call him Binky?" "(CHUCKLING) We do now." "Sheriff Hank, why don't you tell the boys what the problem's been here?" "Well, it started out as simple vandalism." "Somebody's been stealing our wood from sidewalks, buildings, fence posts." "Wood thieves." "My first instinct is beavers, but I'm not willing to rule out those pesky Keebler Elves." "What else you got?" "Well, our water's been poisoned, and check this out." "There's been a stench in the air that wasn't there before." "That's funny, I don't smell anything." "Oh, gosh, cat urine." "Don't mind him." "Cat pee is Gus' kryptonite." "As a child he was locked in a closet with the family's incontinent tabby, Mr. B." "It's a very long story." "No, it's not." "That's the story." "Just breathe through your mouth, all right?" "Since then, things have gotten more aggressive, stuff has been stolen, misplaced, destroyed." "Folks are starting to get nervous." "And it's my job to protect them." "Hey." "Drop your weapon and come peaceably." "Well, Sheriff, I ain't exactly a peaceful man." "Holy crap." "He shot that guy." "I know." "Isn't it great?" "(PIANO PLAYING)" "This is not a real town." "It's a tourist trap." "In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity" "I'm not inclined to resign to maturity" "If it's all right then you're all wrong" "But why bounce around to the same damn song?" "You'd rather run when you can't crawl" "I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth" "I know, you know They just don't have any proof" "Embrace the deception Learn how to bend" "Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end" "Listen closely because I am only going to say this once." "Old Sonora is an old, historic mining town with buildings recreated to capture the spirit of the Old West." "I spent every weekend of my childhood in this beloved place and I am not about to let some faceless coward who only comes out at night tear it down." "I need you two to find out who's doing this, and fast." "All right." "Well, you can count on us." "I knew I could." "Here's your bedrolls." "Good luck." "We're sleeping here?" "Well, it happens at night, so you have to stay here at night." "What about you?" "Are you kidding?" "I can't be caught investigating here." "Do you know how far out of my jurisdiction we are?" "See you later, Hank." "Thanks for your help, Binky." "You got it." "I'll check back with you in the morning." "Wait, you expect me to stay here the entire night?" "Binky, come back!" "Hey, I hope you boys like beans." "If this turns into Blazing Saddles, I'm out of here." "Hmm." "Pull that." "Tell me, Hank, have you ever seen this vandal?" "I've felt him." "Was that in an appropriate way?" "I've felt their presence." "I see." "Can you think of any other explanation for why this town is falling apart?" "Are you talking about the ghost rider?" "Uh..." "No." "What do you mean by "ghost rider"?" "According to the legends, he was a horse thief that met his fate at the end of a rope." "They say his spirit still haunts these parts." "Now, I myself don't cater to this tale," "(FLY BUZZING) No matter how many people out here see him." "Nope." "I'm out of here." "I'm calling a cab." "Those things don't work out here." "We got no TVs, no radio, no refrigerators." "Sounds like prison, except they have all those things." "(WHISPERING) Will you stop it?" "How long have you known Binky, Hank?" "Oh, 30 years or so." "He used to come here every weekend." "His papa wasn't around that much and his mama worked days, so she'd drop him off Saturdays." "I guess he needed somebody." "I suppose I did, too." "We've been close ever since." "In fact, he's about the nearest thing I got to family." "Wow." "I didn't know that about Lassie's papa." "His papa wasn't around much, Gus." "What are you doing?" "(HORSES WHINNYING IN DISTANCE)" "You hear that?" "Something's spooking the horses." "What the hell are we doing?" "I don't know, Gus." "I think I'm starting to get why Lassie loves this place so much." "It represents a simpler time when people weren't so preoccupied with the distractions of modern life." "Like living past age 40." "All right, you be your cynical self." "I'm just saying technology is way overrated." "That's interesting." "Just yesterday, you told me you intend on having your wedding in space." "And that hasn't changed." "I'm just saying I think the past is also worth preserving." "Yeah." "Well, your people have a much more affectionate memory of this period of history than my people do." "What are you talking about?" "We saw Posse, together, in theaters." "(WIND HOWLING)" "I want to go home." "Yeah, that's fair." "Hank!" "(WOLF HOWLING IN DISTANCE)" "Hank!" "Here's how it's going to go." "We're going to tell Hank his town is old and decrepit and he should be glad it didn't fall down 10 years ago." "There is no saboteur, no vandal, no bad guy." "At the worst, he has a terrible cat problem." "(GRUNTS)" "Gus." "Watch your feet." "Watch my feet?" "I'm leading the way." "Your stride is too long, Shawn." "It's your ridiculous gait." "That's the problem." "No." "Your shoes are too large." "(SIGHS)" "Gus." "What?" "Don't panic." "SHAWN:" "Hank!" "Hank!" "There's no Hank." "No horses!" "(RUMBLING)" "And what is that sound?" "(GASPS)" "Look out." "(GROANS)" "(HORSES NEIGHING)" "Hank!" "Oh, no." "CARLTON:" "Easy." "Bring him in." "I don't believe this." "I send you two out there to find out what the heck's going on and you get Sheriff Hank run over by horses?" "Look, Lassie, first of all, I don't even know how to get someone run over." "And as long as we're assigning blame, the horses shouldn't get off scot-free." "We feel terrible about this even though it was Hank who left us there all alone." "You're lucky he didn't get killed." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "I don't want him bleeding all over my couch." "There you go." "CARLTON:" "You're okay." "Easy." "SHAWN:" "That's better." "He should really be in an emergency room." "No hospitals." "He doesn't believe in them." "Says the only way he's ever going to go in one is feet first." "Okay." "Let's put it up here." "Let's take a look." "Oh!" "Ooh, guys, this is deep." "This man has got to see a doctor." "I don't even have anything to numb the pain." "That's okay, I don't believe in anesthetics." "Gus, just bite down on my big toe." "It'll make me forget about the pain in my leg." "I'm not biting down on your toe." "Damn it, Guster, when a man asks you to bite his toe, you bite his toe." "You do it." "HENRY:" "Drink this." "Oh, much obliged." "Uh, Hank, I just want to say on behalf of Gus and I, thank you very much for saving our lives." "I'm the Sheriff, that's what I'm paid for." "Well, technically you're not a real sheriff and when you say "they," you actually mean "you,"" "being that you own the town, which isn't really a town." "Why?" "Just hurry up and do this, will you?" "I got to open them gates by 9:00." "Pal, you're not going anywhere for quite a while even if I do get this sewn up." "Old Sonora hasn't closed in 45 years and it ain't gonna close today." "Spencer, come here." "(SNIFFING)" "Look, with everything that's been going out there, and now finding this dead body, the county wants to shut down Old Sonora, which means not only will a place that teaches children important lessons from a simpler time be lost forever," "but Sheriff Hank will be left destitute, and I will not let that happen." "Don't worry, Binky." "I already have a plan." "All right, everybody, take a good look." "Keep looking." "Drink it in like a bottle of laudanum." "Is there a point to this?" "There's a point to this." "There's a new sheriff in town, guys." "It's me." "Just for a couple days." "We all know how we feel about old Hank." "The man loves beans." "So I'll be helping out after the accident last night." "Don't worry, I'm not going to go changing too much about the way things work around here." "At least not right away." "GUS:" "Maybe after lunch." "I would like the opportunity to sit down with each of you, ask a few probing questions," "and get to know you a little better." "We can do that later." "Yeah." "They're not very helpful, are they?" "How about I wear the spurs?" "How about the sheriff wears the spurs?" "How about you kiss my blacksmith ass?" "Carlton, that was County." "They got an ID on the body outside of Old Sonora." "He's a Santa Barbara resident." "Yes, that is awesome!" "Wow." "Okay." "That's gonna at least get us some sort of access to this case." "I'm calling the county sheriff." "It gets a little more strange." "What, he's a hobo, a drifter, or some sort of psycho with a longstanding grudge against beloved childhood institutions?" "He's a multimillionaire businessman." "Frank McBain, got a big house up on the hill." "Been missing for a few days." "Wife thought he was on a business trip." "All right, so let's figure out what he was doing wandering alone in the hills of Old Sonora in sneakers and shorts." "In the meantime, I'm going to call a buddy of mine who's a county judge, and get a warrant for McBain's office." "Carlton, the McBain homicide is a county case." "The chief made it very clear you are not to get involved." "Damn it, O'Hara, whose side are you on?" "I am just following jurisdictional protocol like you taught me to do." "Well, sometimes there are exceptions." "(SIGHS)" "Look at this." "All of the acreage around Old Sonora has been purchased by McBain, which means the only land that he doesn't own is Hank's." "And Hank will never sell." "What's this?" "That's the new toll road." "No, this road's supposed to run 10 miles south of here." "Not necessarily." "The council hasn't made its final vote yet." "So, what did McBain know that we don't?" "McBain wanted Old Sonora." "And he would do anything to get it, including wrecking the town, trying to get the county to shut it down, and now getting Hank run over by horses." "We solved it." "Ow!" "Detective Lassiter and O'Hara." "You remember Sheriff Becker with the County Sheriff's Office?" "Uh..." "Sheriff Becker just informed me that you two have been sticking your noses into his investigation, which I recall specifically telling you not to do." "We have cause, Chief." "We believe McBain was using vandalism to run a cherished local institution out of business." "The name of this cherished local institution wouldn't happen to be Old Sonora?" "That's really neither here nor there, Chief." "The fact is we have blown this case wide open." "Well, I hope you have some solid evidence to support those accusations." "Of course I do." "It's obvious why McBain wanted the land." "He's building a mass transit system in association with the new toll road." "Probably at taxpayers' expense, the heartless bastard." "That's a kiddy railroad." "It's a free park that McBain's donating to the county." "Here's the permit." "He's calling it the Ashley Baird Park." "He's not even naming it after his wife." "This woman is probably his mistress which makes him a two-timer." "Ashley Baird." "Wasn't she the little girl who had leukemia?" "She was so brave." "Okay, Chief, maybe I jumped the gun a little bit here, but this McBain is one bad hombre." "You've got to believe me." "And we can consider this vandalism case completely closed." "There's just a few loose ends to tie up." "Vandalism?" "We're talking about murder." "And now we got a prime suspect." "We don't have any suspects." "What are you talking about?" "The person who owns Old Sonora who wouldn't sell." "No, no..." "That's not possible." "Dang it, Hank, why didn't you tell me about Frank McBain?" "You watch your language, Binky, and who the hell is Frank McBain?" "He's been trying to buy your land for the last two years." "Hank, you cannot keep this kind of information from us." "We are killing ourselves trying to figure out who may want to hurt you, and you leave a prime suspect off the table?" "No, the only folks trying to buy my land is the Sweet Water Land Corp." "(SIGHS) I'll bet McBain used dummy corporations to make the purchases." "It keeps prices from skyrocketing when investors see what's going on." "Well, it's a good thing she's pretty." "Now, Sweet Water Land don't want to hurt me." "They sent me two letters six months ago." "I politely declined and I never heard from them again." "Are you sure?" "Because McBain's secretary said he'd already been out to Old Sonora three times this month, alone." "I never spoke to the man." "Then who did?" "(HARMONICA PLAYING)" "What the hell is going on here?" "This is called 19-card stud." "Regular poker's too complicated." "Makes it easier to get pairs." "Plus anything with a picture is wild." "Why aren't you two out interviewing suspects, or feeling the walls, whatever the hell it is you do?" "At least do something." "Man, I tried." "I did." "These people are kind of mean." "It's a tough racket being sheriff, Lassie." "Besides, I got to go gun down that stinky feet fellow in about 20 minutes." "Stinky Pete." "You wouldn't understand." "You've never killed a man." "Yes, I have." "Yeah, but you've never pretend-killed one, repeatedly." "I struggle with it every time." "Two times now." "Yep." "Both times." "Well, while you two are sitting here playing cowboys and Indians..." "Uh, uh..." "Just cowboys, Lassie." "Injuns is offensive." "I didn't say "Injuns," Guster." "That's what I heard." "Me, too." "CARLTON:" "Would you just shut up?" "Hank has managed to become our number-one suspect." "McBain wanted his land and he was talking to somebody here." "You two need to find out who it was." "You were thinking today?" "The man's life is on the line." "Get out there and get me a lead!" "Man's all hopped up on cactus juice." "(PLAYING HARMONICA)" "Let's start at the saloon." "Yep." "Little lady." "What are you doing?" "Exactly what it looks like." "(EXCLAIMING)" "Whoa!" "Really?" "(PIANO PLAYING)" "Gus, it's stinky feet." "He's trying to bushwhack us." "Bushwhack us?" "Huh?" "GUS:" "Shawn!" "Shawn, that's not Stinky Pete, he's a tourist." "Oh, yeah." "I think you're right about that." "Sorry about that, friend." "A man in my line of work can't afford to be too careful." "I'm sure you understand." "TOURIST:" "Yeah." "Well, hello, Miss Annie." "Yeah, hi, Shawn." "Yeah, I'd appreciate it if you'd refer to me as Sheriff Spencer." "Or Hickory Pot or Dry Gulch Slim." "Any of those would do me just fine." "Yeah, well that's not going to happen." "Fair enough." "How long have you been doing this?" "About a decade." "Five years here, before that at Disneyland." "They have madams at Disneyland?" "No." "I worked the teacups." "I'll bet you did." "Now, I'm going to have to ask you a couple of uncomfortable-type questions about Hank." "Oh, you mean that we were lovers?" "You..." "No." "Not that uncomfortable, no." "He broke my heart." "But that was a long time ago." "Ancient history." "Hey there!" "You're the one that plays Deputy Sheriff Tripsy, is that right?" "That's what it says on my paycheck, if I still get one." "Sounds like you're not too happy with your job right now." "Maybe you're angry enough to take it out on your boss, Hank." "Maybe you poisoned the water so that you could have Old Sonora all to yourself." "Maybe even enough to kill for it?" "(SCOFFS)" "I don't know what you're talking about, and as far as Hank goes, I love the man like a brother." "(SCOFFING) Please." "That's what everyone says." "Who's everyone?" "Miss Annie." "No, dude, she doesn't love him like a brother." "Definitely not like a brother." "Unless they have a really weird family." "They've got some serious flowers up in that attic." "GUS:" "You know what I mean." "How would I know that?" "Dude, he was there before the horses trampled Hank." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, not so fast there, Tripsy." "You see, we know that you were at the corral the other night." "And just for the record, your nickname is extremely offensive." "So I was up there." "Something spooked the horses and I went up to check on them." "And I caught a glimpse of whoever it was, too." "And then he, uh, vanished." "Ooh." "You trying to tell us it was the ghost rider that tried to kill Hank?" "Please." "I don't like your tone, mister." "Is that right?" "Because I've been told it's quite soothing." "Hey, Shawn, try to stay on point." "I think you're lying, Tripsy." "I think it was you who spooked the horses because you knew dadgum well that Hank would come running." "That's a lie." "I love Hank Mendel." "Gus, get the County Sheriff's Office on the phone." "You tell them we found ourselves the vandal, and that he might have just killed McBain, too." "Okay, okay, boys," "I didn't see nobody." "But something spooked the horses, and it wasn't me, I swear." "Yeah, I was up there." "It was for a different reason." "I was working for McBain." "Mmm-hmm." "Go on." "He was paying me to make a list of all the safety violations we got around this place." "And he was going to use them to force the county to shut us down." "After that, well, Hank would have no choice but to sell to McBain." "And you say he was like a brother to you?" "Hey, I ain't proud of what I've done, mister." "(SIGHS)" "(BANGING)" "Hey, are there any other employees still here?" "Uh, no." "When Hank's not around, I'm always the last one to leave." "Shawn!" "(HORSE WHINNIES)" "Is that the..." "Ghost rider." "He must have gone in there." "That's completely sealed." "There's no way he got through there." "Unless he can move through solids, which by definition he can." "Really?" "We have to have that conversation?" "Fine." "Maybe the guy on the horse is not a ghost, and let's say he is the vandal, which doesn't even make sense, because the guy who wanted the land is dead." "Even so, there's still something we haven't taken into account yet." "Yeah?" "What is that?" "What if McBain's murder is related to something else, or just a random act of violence?" "I'll go even further." "What if the guy on the horse is not vandalizing the town?" "What if no one is?" "You said it yourself, Shawn." "What if this place is so run down from neglect and old age that it's falling apart?" "Huh?" "(CREAKING)" "I see your point." "A ghost?" "Maybe a ghost." "Definitely not a ghost, but a ghostlike fellow." "An ethereal, moonlit figure." "Who might be able to go through rocks." "But probably not." "I send you out there to investigate for two days, and all you come back with is campfire stories?" "Gus caught the consumption." "I didn't... (COUGHING)" "What's going on in here?" "Costume party." "And this wouldn't have anything to do with the Old Sonora, would it?" "Sorry, which one's Old Sonora again?" "You know, I don't want to hear it, Detective." "And if I find out that you hired Spencer and Guster on your own, then that constitutes a conflict of interest and there will be disciplinary measures." "I highly recommend that you stick to your assigned cases." "Gee, thanks for hopping in there and taking some of the heat from the Chief, Spencer." "Well, you're very welcome." "I was being facetious." "Yeah, you wimped out." "If you believe the short-sighted pundits on CNN, but I take a longer view of history." "That doesn't even make any sense." "Coroner's report said McBain's been dead for five days, yet the vandalism hasn't stopped since then." "Therefore we can effectively eliminate McBain." "I'm now sensing that someone else wants that land." "McBain's got the kind of money that's tough to beat." "As a result, he or she..." "Or even a he-she." "...had to kill McBain before he got it." "He was eliminating the competition." "Precisely." "Okay." "Yeah, maybe." "When I find this murdering scum," "I'm going to shoot him in the face." "I'm tired." "That's all just wishful thinking." "We don't have the vaguest clue who this bastard is." "No thanks to you, Spencer." "So far, you've given me bupkes." "Get back out there and get to work." "He just said..." "Bupkes." "Yeah." "The thing is, you never have to wonder why Lassie doesn't have more friends." "Hank, what are you doing here, man?" "You should..." "You should be resting." "You didn't come back for the spurs, did you?" "Where are you going?" "I'm leaving town." "Why?" "Well, I've been licked." "Whole buildings are starting to fall." "Better I just move on and forget the whole damn thing." "Look, Hank, I admit it's a long shot, but there's still a chance that we can save Old Sonora." "I've seen the park they want to build." "It's a nice place." "And I believe that folks are gonna want to go there." "I'm an old relic." "I've known that for a long time." "Look, Hank, we can fix the buildings." "We just..." "We'll get some nails." "And Febreze." "Oh, fellas, that sounds awful good, but..." "No, it's too late, boys." "I've already contacted the folks over at Sweet Water Land and accepted their offer." "Old Tripsy, he's going to handle the last show." "Me, I'm done." "I guess that's that." "This list of possible suspects is garbage." "Detectives, a moment." "Now." "Look, Chief, if this is about the..." "All right, Chief, I just want to say that I am 100% sure that you have no proof whatsoever that I have done anything even remotely Old Sonora-related in the last two hours." "Sheriff Becker would like to formally invite you into the McBain case." "Oh, thank God, because I was totally lying just then." "Sheriff, what can I do for you?" "Just received the ballistics report." "Guys in our lab say they've never seen a slug like the one they pulled out of McBain, and, well, I thought, uh," "because of your expertise with firearms, maybe you could help identify it." "They've never seen a bullet like this because it's over 100 years old." "Well, what kind of a gun uses a slug like that?" "An original 1873 Colt Peacemaker." "You sure, uh..." "You sure this is all you got, Hank?" "I mean, we're good on space." "I can grab you a wagon wheel." "Or that barrel." "CARLTON:" "Hank," "I need to see your pistol." "Why do you need to see that?" "You don't think Hank had anything to do with McBain's death?" "Don't be crazy." "Come on." "Shawn, stay out of this." "The gun, Hank." "Slowly." "Why you been firing live rounds, Hank?" "I saw a rat and I shot it." "Hank Mendel, you're under arrest for the murder of Frank McBain." "Come on." "Read him his rights, O'Hara." "You have the right to remain silent." "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law." "Why do people that I try to help usually end up getting arrested?" "Well, Shawn, sometimes people you think are innocent turn out to be guilty, and vice versa." "The important thing is, how are you going to help me get Hank's blood out of my couch?" "Hank is innocent." "Yeah, can you prove it?" "Not yet." "You want to know what I think?" "No, I just came by for one of your inedible, fat-free grilled cheese sandwiches." "Yes, I'd like to know what you think." "Lassiter is so emotionally invested in trying to save this town, you, in trying to help him, have developed some of the same feelings and desires." "It's a simple case of transference." "You don't use words like transference." "Have you been secretly hanging out with Mom?" "We may or may not have dined together last week." "The point is, your judgment in this case is being clouded by your emotions." ""Dined together"?" "You're David Niven now?" "That's your new thing?" "All right, Shawn, look, you think Hank is innocent, go back to Old Sonora and get yourself some proof." "But this time, don't look at the town as this magical place that means so much to Lassiter." "Instead, look at it for what it really is, a dump that probably isn't worth saving." "We've been looking for over an hour, Shawn." "I need a break." "There's got to be a logical explanation for where that horse and rider disappeared to." "I've got one for you, the next dimension." "(SIGHS) Really, Winston Zeddmore, that's what you believe, huh?" "I haven't slept in two days, Shawn." "I don't know what I believe." "What?" "What do you see?" "I'm not sure." "(CRACKING)" "(SCREAMS)" "(BOTH GROANING)" "I think I broke my back and my neck and my arm." "That's nothing." "I just bruised my coccyx." "Say what?" "You know what I mean." "I most certainly do not." "When I get home, I'm going to have to rub oil on my coccyx." "Oh, Gus, please, that's disgusting." "What?" "A deep tissue massage is definitely what my coccyx needs." "Would you stop saying that word?" "Coccyx?" "That's what it's called, Shawn." "(GRUNTS)" "Dude, this must be part of the old mineshaft." "It's no wonder it's not on the tour." "It's completely unauthentic." "Look at this." "Look at these tools." "They're all modern." "Looks like they're being used." "Let me see the light." "Dude." "What?" "Are you kidding me?" "That's what this whole thing is about?" "Copper?" "That's gold, Shawn." "Oh." "I guess that would make more sense." "So I was right." "Old Sonora was never being vandalized, at least not deliberately." "Clearly I agree with you." "I just don't know why." "The theft and damage on the surface can be explained by the fact that mining is going on underground." "The stolen wood posts are being used to prop up the shaft." "The contaminated water and the sinkholes are common side effects of shaft mining." "The foul odor in the air is from the exposed sulfur deposits." "The only thing I don't understand is why would a ghost be mining for gold?" "It wasn't a ghost, Gus." "Then who is it?" "Dude, it was the other gunfighter." "That stinky feet guy." "The name is Stinky Pete." "Hold up!" "Hold up!" "Hank!" "I tested your gun, Hank." "It doesn't match the slug." "I told you it wasn't me, Binky, but you don't want to listen no more." "Hank, I am so sorry." "I never should have..." "The murder weapon is mostly likely an identical twin to yours." "Well, actually, I think my gun might have been part of a set." "You know, it was so long ago, I had forgotten." "Do you have any idea who may have the other one?" "As a matter of fact, I do." "How you doing over there?" "(GROANING) Now I have a throbbing headache and a throbbing coccyx." "What?" "Who are you really?" "I'm a psychic and I can see everything very clearly now." "Just like Tripsy, you were on McBain's payroll, and when you went looking for safety violations, you decided to check out the old mineshaft and, as dumb luck would have it, you found yourself a previously undiscovered vein of gold." "What's more, you were the rider that we saw last night." "Pulling wood into the entrance of the mine, which only appeared to be sealed, because neither Hank nor anyone else thought to check if the rocks were actually real." "I got to hand it to you, Pete, it's quite a nifty operation you had going here." "Still do." "Ooh, ooh." "Unfortunately, McBain got what he needed to ensure that Hank would fail the upcoming safety inspection so Old Sonora had to close down." "When McBain took ownership out of foreclosure." "It wouldn't take long for his little construction crew to discover your gold strike, so to slow things down and give yourself more time to mine, well, you went ahead and killed McBain." "I could deny it, but then there ain't much point, is there?" "There's more than a million dollars of gold in here." "Not only are you a murderer, but you're a thief." "This gold belongs to Hank." "That man has been more than fair and generous with all of his employees, including yourself." "Well, I guess after playing a bad guy all these years, the line between actor and role got kind of blurred." "Hmm." "They say the same thing happened Yul Brynner." "Wait!" "No!" "No!" "(COUGHING)" "This is not good." "Dude, what are you doing?" "It worked for Tim Robbins in Shawshank Redemption, Shawn." "Get busy living or get busy dying." "Gus, we don't have years to dig a tunnel." "Besides, it makes me Morgan Freeman." "That's weird." "(TRICKLING)" "Wait a minute." "That's water." "Dude, give me the pickax." "Watch yourself." "(SHAWN GRUNTING)" "To end evil!" "GUS:" "Stop pushing, Shawn." "SHAWN:" "Dude, this tunnel's only big enough for one person." "(BOTH GRUNTING)" "God." "Pete Dillingham, you're under arrest for the murder of Frank McBain." "Throw your weapon down and come peacefully." "How can you tell which one's the bad guy if they're both wearing black?" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Boo!" "I'm the good guy, you toothless hillbillies." "(GROANING)" "Though I did just shoot that man for real, so clear on out." "Well, the great news is, with all the money you make from selling gold, you can fix up Old Sonora, restore it to its former glory." "I don't know, Binky, I've been thinking maybe it's time that this old cowboy hung up his spurs." "I guess I could take comfort in the fact that" "I've lasted this long." "Well, and that you're about to be filthy rich." "Oh, that, too." "I'm gonna miss this place." "Hank, you've been a damn good friend to me." "You've been more than a friend." "Yeah, them are hard to come by these days." "Now, if you'll excuse me," "I got myself a wayward and wild woman to ask to marry me." "What?" "(WHISTLES)" "Look at that." "She's about to give up the world's oldest profession." "She was never a real madam, Shawn." "You do know that." "Mmm." "Agree to disagree." "By the way, Spencer, you ever call me Binky again, I'll shoot you." "Understood." "How about once more just for old time's sake?" "Nope." "Okay." "I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth" "I know, you know They just don't have any proof" "Embrace the deception Learn how to bend" "Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end" "I know, you know" "I know, you know" "I know, you know"