"Sabbatical." "It's a sort of working holiday." "And Mickey knows these guys from way back." "Never trust Australians." "Tellin' ya, they're all descended from crooks." "Benny and Mary are very talented grifters." "What do they need Mickey for, then?" "Because it takes someone special like Mickey to pull off selling the Sydney Opera House." "Yeah, well, I'm tellin' ya now, I could do it." "So, erm, you still got that mark in place, Albert?" "No, Mickey thinks it's a lost cause." "Excuse me, Mickey is not here." "All right?" "Accept it." "It's too late, the mark is leaving for LA in ten hours." " Well, phone him." " Danny, we're in a cinema." "He won't hear it ringing." "Just dial it out." "Come on." "I'm going to the lobby." "Goodbye." "Get me some popcorn." "And a drink." "We brought you here to cheer you up." "You haven't even watched any of it." "I" " I've seen it." "You got a puncture or something, mate?" "Let's just get out of here." " I'm trying to enjoy the film here." " Come on!" "I don't want to ruin it for ya, but right at the very end, all five of them get blown up in a boat." "Sorry..." "Look, we could have found another mark tomorrow." "I don't want another mark, I want this one." "Why?" "Because Mickey said it was a lost cause?" "I think we should sell him the Houses of Parliament." " We don't even know who he is yet." " Or Buckingham Palace." "I can do big too, you know." "I am special." "Yeah, I know you are." "Well?" "OK, Albie, who's the mark?" "Anthony Westley." "He's a Texan." "Made a fortune in something called industrial fastenings, whatever the hell that is." "And he sold his business eight years ago, netting a profit of nearly 30 million dollars." " I like him already." " I don't think you would." "He sold to property developers knowing they were going to close down his factory and put his people out of work." "He's brash and single-minded and usually gets what he wants." "He's obsessed with the movie business, specifically movie memorabilia." "He recently bought Judy Garland's ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz from a private collector for two million bucks." "Well, go on then." "We'll wait here." "Yeah, and don't be too long." "Me stomach thinks me throat's been cut." " So, who does he think you are?" " He thinks I'm a dealer who specialises in finding items for collectors for a finder's fee." "Right, have you set anything up?" "I told him I had a contact for movie memorabilia - that's you." "Your name is Paul Garrett." " All right, ready?" " All right." "You sure he won't go for Nelson's Column?" "Look, you're not in competition with Mickey." "You've got to focus." "By the book." "We assess what the mark needs and that's what we use." "Understand?" "All right." "I might mention it just in case." "Howdy!" "This is the, er, gentleman I mentioned to you, Paul Garrett." " A pleasure to meet you, Mr Westley." " Likewise." "I'm sorry it's so late, but I knew you were flying back tomorrow so I thought I'd take a chance and come by." "To tell you the truth, I'll be glad to get away from this damn rain." "So, er, James here tells me that you deal in Hollywood memorabilia." "Yeah, that's right, yes." "You guys like to have a drink?" "You're all right, thank you." "You got anything that might interest me?" "Well, well, well, well, well." "Right now, we're looking at the Rosebud sleigh from Citizen Kane." "I thought Spielberg had that." "Yeah, yeah, but we've got a few interested parties and he's, um... looking at the offers, ain't he?" "He'll never sell." "You got anything else?" "What about the original R2D2?" "Don't take up much space, comes with the optional bleep." "Old hat." "The bike from ET?" "Lovely little basket on the front." "Did you know, there's a lot of movies been shot in Trafalgar Square, right underneath Nelson's Column..." "I've got a better idea." "Maybe you could kind of give him an idea of the things that you're looking for." "Well..." "I am building the biggest museum of Hollywood memorabilia anywhere in the world." "And for me, it's old Hollywood." "Hollywood in its glory days, when being a star meant something." "When L B Mayer was running MGM," "Marilyn Monroe gave a generation a hard-on in Seven Year Itch," "Jimmy Cagney, "Top of the world, ma"" "and Fred Astaire, walking on air." "Ah man, those were the days, all right." "OK, OK." "What about Charlie Chaplin's bowler hat?" "I got three of those and two canes." " Marilyn Monroe's shoes." " Which ones?" " Any of them." " I have lots." "Well, thanks for coming by." "I really do appreciate it." "The creme de la creme, the big one." "The most Hollywood Hollywood in the whole Hollywood thingyamy jigamy jig." "I didn't want to mention this until I knew we were talking big." "I mean, this is something that's gonna put your museum on the map." "It's huge, bigger than that, more Hollywood than Hollywood." "OK." "You ready for this?" "The Hollywood sign!" "You did what?" "!" "Well, it just sort of slipped out." " You can't steal the Hollywood sign." " Why not?" "Don't you think people are gonna notice?" "50-foot letters on top of a bloody great hill." "Look, gang." "We shouldn't be talking like this." "Beaten before we start." "We are grifters." "We should dream the impossible dream, win the unbeatable fight." "Defeat the undefeatable foe." "Go boldly where no man has gone before." "I mean, any muppet can sell the Sydney Opera House, but this, this is the Hollywood sign." "This is history in the making." "This will make us legends." "But the mark's gonna be in LA when we're in London." "As I just said, he's flying out there to meet our people." "Which we don't have." "So, if you've got a plan, any kind of plan, now would be a really good time to share it with us, yeah." "I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more." "I'll find us a car." "Who is this?" "Scott." "Scott, this is Harry Kaplan in customer services." "Yeah, listen, we screwed up big time." "Yeah, I got people up here punching holes in the walls." "Yeah, yeah, OK." "There was a reservation taken for the British Embassy, all right?" "Is it on your computer?" "Oh, Jesus!" "OK, this is for your ears only, OK?" "Nt your co-workers, not your family, not the person you choose to sleep with, do you understand me?" "I've got a guy on his way from Embassy security." "He's level one Royal Family protection." "Now you give him whatever he wants, OK." "Scott..." "OK, you wait there, Scott." "I'm going to give you a reference number for the whole system, all right." "OK, Scott, here we go." "It's C57007." "Do not screw this up." " Good day, sir." " Good morning." "I wonder if you can help me?" "Right, let's check into the hotel, start a plan." "What do you mean, start a plan?" "I thought you already had one." "That was just to get you all here." "Do you have any idea how much four first-class tickets cost?" "You've got to speculate to accumulate." "Think big, big things happen." "Beverly Hills anyone?" "Albert's set up a meeting with Westley at 3 o'clock, right?" "So we've got a lot to do." "Ash, find out who owns the sign and how we can make this thing work." "Stacie, I want you to find us a nice hotel." "Albert, find out what makes this guy tick." "We need an edge." " Coffee, sir?" " Cheers, boss." "Originally the sign read "Hollywoodland"." "Erected in 1923 as an advert for a real estate development." "That development went bust in the '40s and the sign was falling to pieces until it was taken up by the Chamber of Commerce, who dropped the last four letters to leave just the word..." "Hollywood." " So that's what's there now, huh?" " No, not exactly." "The sign was replaced twice, once in the '50s and again in the '70s." " So, who actually owns it then?" " That's where it gets complicated." "The land that it's on is owned by the City, the Chamber of Commerce owns the licensing rights and the Hollywood Sign Commission maintains and repairs it." "The bad news is that the security around the sign is state of the art." "They've got an internet-based, closed circuit surveillance network and it's monitored 24/7." "It seems our friend Anthony Westley is more of a player than we thought." "He's not only mean, he's also corrupt." "When he was in business, he bribed key members of the US government to win defence contracts." "Who's a naughty boy then?" "Talked to an old friend at the New York Post." "Seems one of the senators wouldn't play ball." "So he hired a private investigator, had him followed and found out that he likes young men." "Westley then blackmailed the senator and won contracts with the US Navy for 40 million bucks." "So he plays dirty then?" "Looks that way to me, yeah." "Well, you know what..." "we can play dirty too." "Yes, hello, I'm from the BBC in London and we're doing a documentary about the work of the Hollywood Sign Commission." "I wonder if I could talk to the person responsible for the maintenance of the sign." "Mr Hamilton..." "Absolutely, I'll hold." "Mr Hamilton!" "My name's Yvonne Morgan and I work for the BBC in London." "We're producing a documentary about the marvellous work done by the commission and I wondered if you could spare us a little of your time for an interview?" "Well, actually I'm in LA at the moment." "Maybe we could do lunch." "One o'clock then." "I look forward to it." "A little tacky, don't you think?" "Here you go, Albert, that should do the job." "Right, Ash." "Time to get your kit off, me old mate." "Ooh!" "Sorry." "No, it's fine." "Right." "You all right?" "Yeah." "You?" "Well, I'd better..." "Yeah." "Sorry." "Sorry!" "Good morning, sir." " Oh, hey, fellas." "Have a good trip?" " Yes, we did." " Oh, er, Scotch." " Er, yeah, make that two." "Yeah, I'll tell you what." "Make it three." "I can't tell you how intrigued I was by what you said in London." " Tell me more." " I don't mean to be rude, Anthony, but I'm assuming you understand this has to be completely confidential." "Goes without saying." "Well, I'm not sure if you're aware, but the Hollywood sign has been replaced more than once." " Oh, yes, I am." " Right." "You knew that." "I love this town." "If someone breaks wind, I want to know it." "Which is why we're bringing you this first." "The Hollywood Sign Commission are considering replacing the sign again this year." "You see, that's why I'm intrigued, because I make it my business to hear most everything that happens in Hollywood." "Ever since the press leak, the commission has been a little jittery." " What press leak?" " Last week, in the Hollywood Journal." " Oh, waiter." " Yes, sir." "You got a copy of last week's Hollywood Journal?" "They didn't want this getting out until the deal's been agreed." "This must have happened while you were in London." "There you go, sir." "They know that sign's gonna be worth a small fortune to the right bidder." "Now they see this as a way of safeguarding their future." "They wanna have a deal in place before they make the announcement." "So, erm..." " what are they asking for?" " They're asking for sealed bids." "Twelve specially chosen dealers are being given the opportunity to bid in secret for the original sign." "Winner takes all." "And, er, you're one of those 12 dealers?" "That's why we're here." "Sealed bids." "I hate doing business that way." "Unless... you don't put your bid in until you've seen everyone else's first." "You've got somebody that can give us that information?" "I've got a man on the inside." "We think the top bids will be around four to five million dollars." "We give our man a blank sheet of paper." "He checks the bids, tops it by a hundred dollars or so, and seals it." "What's in it for you?" "20% of your bid, as a finder's fee." "20% of five million dollars?" " That's a hell of a lot of money." " Yes, it is." "I think I'd like to talk with the man on the inside." "I'm sorry, but his identity is strictly confidential." "Too bad." "Maybe see you around." "If I don't see the man on the inside, there is no deal." "There's no other way it's going to happen." "I'll arrange it for tomorrow." "I just want you all to know, this is just the start, all right." "This is the first step on the road to greatness." "You see, I think Mickey, personally, was holding us back." "Oi, steady!" "No, no, no." "No disrespect to Mickey, but I don't know, I just think he lacked, um, ambition." "But as your new leader..." "Er, hold on!" "How did you get to be leader?" "Well, obvious, innit?" " No." " Haven't we got a say in this?" "A new leader, even a temporary one, has to be elected." "Yeah, it's the old Grifters' Code, innit." "I'm bang up for that." "OK, hands up, who picks me?" "Well, I don't personally think we need a new leader." " No." "Nor me." " Look," "Mickey's gonna be gone for months, ain't he?" "Who's gonna make the big decisions?" "Why can't we do that together?" "Yeah, what about a democracy, eh?" " No, we can't." " Why not?" " Tell 'em, Albie." " Strictly speaking, he's right." "Why?" "Because when it comes to the crunch, we need a single voice." " Yeah, single voice, see." " Now, the question is, who?" "Rule me out, my dear." "Thank you very much though." "Those days are long gone, I'm pleased to say." "Well, after Albie, I would say Ash, you have the most experience." " Stacie's got the brains." " This is true." "Am I missing something here?" "Danny is the inside man though, ain't he?" " Why don't we have a trial period?" " What?" "See how this job goes and at the end we'll have a vote," "Sounds fair to me." " Well, do I get a say in this?" " Absolutely." "You get to vote at the end just like the rest of us." "In the meantime, in case you've forgotten, we have a con to work tomorrow." "You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in Paris?" "What?" "They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?" "No." "Call it a Royale with cheese." "Yeah, that's cos of the metric thing, innit?" "The Quarter Pounder don't work there, does it?" "No, it's cos they're French." "I'm going to lunch, Janet." "I have a meeting with the BBC from London." "They want to interview me." " I'll be back around 2:30." " Yes, sir." " That's him." " All right, let's go." " Hello." " Hi, how can I help?" "Who's this vision?" "Janet, lovely Janet." "Paul Garrett, the BBC, here to interview..." "Mr Hamilton?" "I'm sorry, he's just left for lunch." "Ah, he'll be with Yvonne." "We can set up while he's doing that, can't we?" " Excuse me?" " Sorry, love, we're the crew for the interview." "Here to set up the lights, the camera, all that toot." "Did we decide on the boardroom or his office?" "I think the office." "He wanted to look industrious." "Yeah, don't they all?" "I'm sorry, he never said anything to me about this." "That's bosses for you, innit?" " My guv'nor never tells me anything." " Never." "I can be on a job, right, and he phones me up asking me why I'm not somewhere else." "I said to him, "I can't be there if you don't tell me, can I?"" " Can't be two places at once." " Of course I can't, no." "No way." "No." " No." " We don't actually need him here." " We can set up while he's with Yvonne." " Of course, we can." "Have you met her yet?" "Blimey!" "Right old battle axe." " Interviewed, er..." " Blair." "last week, had him in tears." " He had the Kleenex out." " Terrible." "Look, Janet..." "You did know about this interview?" "Well, yes." "Janet, it looks like either your boss or our boss screwed up." "Either way, it's left to us poor wage slaves to sort this whole thing out by showing the kind of decision-making and initiative that they can only dream of." "So, you show us where his office is, we'll tell him you saved the day, and we should be out of here by tea time." "What do you saying?" "I'm sure it will be fine." "The elevator's right there." "Third floor." "Lovely, lovely." "When the producer and director turn up in the next ten minutes or so..." "When they ask for Mr Hamilton, don't tell them he's not here." "They'll go off for another three-hour lunch." "We'll never see 'em again, will we?" " Neverending, innit?" " Never." "So, you just send them up." "We'll sort them out, keep it all sweet." "What do you say?" "By the way, you got great legs and it is such a waste you keeping them behind this desk." "All right, see ya, Janet." "Paul's with our man at the commission." "He'll meet us there." "Excuse me, sir, a Miss Morgan called." "She's asked me to tell you that she's on her way" " but she is running a few minutes late." " Thank you." " Hi." " Hi, how can I help?" "We're here to see Mr Hamilton." " He's expecting us." " Oh, yes." "Third floor, first office on your left." "So, just telling Richard that you're interested in backing our bid for the sign." "I cannot be seen having this conversation." " Well, I can vouch for Anthony." " And I could lose my job." "Mr Hamilton, I don't want to take up too much of your time." "I just need to know that if I choose to make a bid, that it'll be successful." "The bids are sealed." "If yours is the highest, you win." "That's not what I asked." "Just answer the man's question, please, Richard." "I have a window of an hour between collecting the bids and them being presented to the board." "During which time, they can be..." " massaged a little." " Now we have a new problem." "Since the press started nosing around, we've moved the day forward." "The board want to present this to the city as a done deal when they meet, the day after tomorrow." "Hang on." "You said we had two weeks." "It's out of my hands." "It's political now." "Your bid needs to be in by 10am the day after tomorrow." "Well, I'm not sure we'll be ready in time." "Well, if you're not ready..." "There's nothing I can do about it." "Change of plan - they don't like the room, so they're gonna shoot it outside, with the sign in the background." " What do I tell Mr Hamilton?" " Tell him... we'll be in touch." "Oh, Mr Hamilton, the BBC were here." "They said there's been a change of plan." "Well, tell them instead of wasting my time, if they want to see me, they can come here instead." "I want to know what you've got on this Hamilton guy." " What do you mean?" " I have bribed and blackmailed and back-stabbed my way into 30 million dollars and I can tell you, you don't do that without recognising the signs of a man who is being forced into something he doesn't want to do." "And if I'm not mistaken," "Mr Richard Hamilton was not too pleased at us being there." " Well, that's my business." " No, it's not." "Not if I'm putting up five and a half million dollars, plus," "I want everything on the table." "Your call." "I can suddenly see how you got his undivided attention." "You guys play dirty." "I like that." "He's got a wife and four kids." "He's more frightened of her seeing these than he is of the commission finding out he's fixing the bids." "Who is the girl?" "I am." "You must be Anthony." "Now, this is Rachel and she's our ace in the hole." "Well, I am pleased to make your acquaintance." "But what I don't understand is why have they kept you hidden?" "Well, I think they were waiting to see if I needed to work on you." "Hell, now you tell me!" "All right, you two, knock it off." "Plenty time to play when all of this is done." "I'm having an engineer flown in to take a closer look at the sign." " Why?" " Well, I am having the sign taken down and shipped to Texas." "Now I'm gonna need somebody to show me how to do that." "All right, I'll talk to Hamilton." " So we're done?" " Yeah, we're done." "See you in the morning, fellas." "Shit!" "Well, we're gonna need to get permission." "And how?" "I am so sorry." "It seems there was a foul up with the production people." "I got a call saying the meeting had been switched to here and that lunch had been cancelled." "It was inconvenient." "I know and that's why I insisted that I come here in person." "What must you think of us?" "So, the interview's been cancelled?" "Oh, er, no, heavens no." "But I told them." "I said there is no way that you would want to be involved after being treated so shoddily." "So they've got someone from the chamber of commerce as a last-minute replacement." "The chamber of commerce!" "I know, very much second best, but we have to have something before we leave tomorrow." "I mean, if I thought, just for one second, that you'd still be interested, I would leap at the chance, but I'm sure you must still be very angry with us." "It's such a bloody shame, too, because..." "Well, it's going to be quite a big documentary." "It'll be run across most of the world." "Even some of the networks over here have shown an interest." "Well, er... misunderstandings happen, I understand that." "Are you saying that you might still be interested?" "I think so." "After all, you apologised for the lunch thing." "Oh, this is wonderful!" "I must call my people, they'll be absolutely thrilled!" "So, do you know which of the networks are interested?" "All of them, I think." "Hello, Michael." "You're not going to believe this, but Richard has agreed to do the interview after all." "I know, isn't it fantastic?" "Oh." "Er, I'll just check." "They want to do it up by the sign, get a shot of you, standing under it like a guardian angel." "I could maybe lean against the "H"." "H for Hamilton, perfect!" "That's fine, Michael, go ahead, you make the arrangements." "Toodle pip." "Right. 8.30 tomorrow morning for your make-up call." "The only other thing is," "I need to send a small crew up ahead of us, just to get things ready." "Do you think you can arrange that?" "I'll have Janet give you passes when you leave." "Super!" "Well, you've got to hand it to Danny, he's pulled out all the stops." "Well, I never doubted he would." "You know, we're gonna get the leader thing again at the end of all this?" "Listen, if he pulls this off, he deserves it." "But we can tease him for a bit longer first, can't we?" "Absolutely, yes." "All right." "Do you know anything else, mate?" "Only it's been music from the movies two nights in a row now." "I know we're in Hollywood, great, but you can have too much of a good thing." "Bleedin' hell." "Come on, then." " What?" " Admit it." "Admit that I am a genius." "No, you've done good, Danny." "No, I want the whole thing." "I want a sentence including the word "genius"." "You're a genius." "Yeah, I know." "You've come a long way." "Just one question." "If I was leader, do you think that Stacie would shag me?" "What?" "Play my favourite for me." "I don't think he's gonna like that." "Oh, never mind him." "HE PLAYS "As Time Goes By" by Herman Hupfield" "So, we all set for tomorrow?" "Don't worry, babe." "All up here." "Boxed off" "Good." "Haven't you forgotten something?" "Good morning, fellas." "How are you doing?" "I just wanted to see it close up." "I hope you don't mind." "Hell, no, it can only improve the view, as far as I'm concerned." "Well, there she is, beautiful thing." "Great, let's go." "Can we hold on a minute?" "I'm waiting for that engineer I told you about." "He had an errand to run." "Otto!" "Everyone, this is Otto." "I have the big ideas, he makes them happen." "This IS something." "Yes, it is." "This time tomorrow, it could be all yours." "Westley's Hollywood." "It has a nice ring to it." "You all ever hear the story about the Hollywood Sign girl," "Peg Entwistle?" "She came here in the '30s, trying to find fame and fortune." "Stayed on Beachwood Drive at her uncle's house, just down there." "She could see that Hollywood sign shining through her window, reminding her of why she was here." "She must've gone on a hundred auditions and never even got a phone call." "So, one evening, she came up here, climbed up on top of the H, and threw herself off." "And you know what?" "The very next day, a letter came to her uncle's house, saying that she had a role." "Just goes to show you, quitters don't win." "You've seen enough?" "Maybe." "That's right." " Are you with the BBC?" " I've come to make you beautiful." "Didn't like him much before." "Can't wait to take his money now." "He's playing the big man, but I've got him stitched up like a kipper." "What do you say we go back to the hotel, grab a few beers, have a bit of a celebrate?" "And what would we be celebrating, exactly?" "You having the winning bid at eleven o'clock tomorrow." "Well, I can understand why I'd be celebrating, but where do you fellas come in?" "Not with you." "That's exactly right." " What?" " I want to thank you so much, though, for taking me this far." "I couldn't have done it without you." "Hang on a minute." "You saying the deal's off?" " I guess I am." " What about the sign?" "I'll put my bid in." "But I don't need you to control Hamilton." "I can do that myself, and I can save myself a hell of a lot of money." "No, no, I've got Hamilton." "The errand that Otto was running was going to your hotel room and finding the photos and the memory card." "You cheating bastard." "Oh, thank you." "Thank you very much." "You see, that's how I got to where I am." "Let's face it, no-one ever accused me of being nice." "I don't believe that!" "So much for having him tied up in knots." "Now don't blame yourself, Danny." "Like the poet said, shit happens." "Well, I'm not giving up." "There's nothing we can do." "Yes, there is." "There's always something you can do." "Leave it, Danny." "What's he gonna do?" "Shit!" " What are you doing?" " Why take the pictures?" "I don't understand." "He takes the pictures so he can do his own deal" "So?" "He still thinks Ash is Richard Hamilton!" "Now, just a few more minutes and I'll have you looking like Orlando Bloom." "Oh, excuse me, dear." "Are they ready for me yet?" "Ash, get back to the Sign Commission." "Westley's on his way to blackmail you." "How long ago did they leave?" "'Five minutes, all right, move it. '" "I'm so sorry, love." "They're on their way down for you now." "I'll just go and park the car out of the way, all right?" ".." "Yes!" "Come on." "Hello, Janet?" "This is Yvonne Morgan." "Yeah, he's doing terribly well." "The thing is, he's just remembered he asked a chap by the name of Anthony Westley into the office for a meeting." "Could you ask him to wait?" "All right, I'll tell him." "Thank you." "Anthony Westley." "I'd like to see Mr Hamilton." "He's just stepped out." "If you'd care to wait..." "Oh, it's you." "I'm sorry but I've got nothing to say to you." "Janet, I'm going out again." " Cancel all my appointments." " But..." "If anyon asks, you haven't seen me, OK?" "I think you're going to want to hear what I have to say to you." "But, um..." "But I..." "I really think you should listen to me." "I have the photographs." "It's too late." "She knows." " Excuse me?" " My wife!" "She knows!" "So you and your friends can go screw yourself." "Print them in the LA Times if you want." "Did he go for it?" "Great." "Let's give him a couple of hours to stew on it, then it's plan B." "You and Stace get set up." "You did well, Danny." "Wasn't an easy turn around." "We ain't out of the woods yet." "We need a clean finish." "I don't want this guy coming looking for us." "I have a proposition for you, if you're interested." "I'm with Hamilton." "We're at the Sunset Vista Motel." "He's gone to get some alcohol." "Does Paul know you're here?" "Of course." "This was his idea." "I thought so." "He's not very happy with you." "You can't blame a fella for trying." "He understands that, too." "So, what's the deal?" "Hamilton's a mess." "His wife threw him out." "Now how did that happen, I wonder." "Paul said you were clever." "We had one more photo." "We sent it to his wife." "Paul guessed he'd come running to me, and he did." "Well, that puts you in the driver's seat." "I can make sure he goes back into work tomorrow morning and deals with the bid, just like we planned." "Only this time, we need to give him a slightly different motivation." "I've convinced him that we can start a new life, move away from here, set up home," "and for that we'll need cash, lots of it." "He'll make sure your bid for the sign wins just like before, you'll give us the finder's fee in cash." "$500,000." "Oh, let me guess." "When you get your hands on the money, you're gonna dump him?" "Just as soon as I can." "Oh, you are nasty." "I love that in a woman." "Richard, good to see you." "Honey, I've talked to Mr Westley." "It seems we might still be able to come to some arrangement." "I, er..." "I want the money in cash tomorrow morning, before I go into the office." "Hold on." "You want me to give you the money before you go to the office to check out the bids?" "How the hell do I know you won't just high-tail it out of town?" "I guess that's just a chance you'll have to take." "For half a million dollars?" "Not a chance in hell." " Take it or leave it." " I'll leave it." "What is it you want?" "I bring the money to the office." "Are you crazy?" "I'll give it to you in the parking lot, then I can watch you go in and make sure you don't leave." "He's not going to let me or the money out of his sight." "He's gonna watch me go in the front." "And you can be sure that Otto the sidekick will be waiting at the back." "So I gotta get you and the money out of the building without Westley seeing us?" "Just make sure he doesn't come after us when he finds out Ash is gone." "Not to mention not getting the Hollywood sign." "I don't think there's any way through this." " Yes, there is." " Face it, Danny!" "Things haven't gone smoothly." "Have they?" "We've just lurched from one disaster to another." "It ain't where you start, Stace, OK?" "It's where you finish." "Yeah, in jail, at this rate!" "Thanks for the vote of confidence." "I got you this far, ain't I?" "I've got a bloke bringing us half a million dollars tomorrow." "Albert, what do you think?" "It's been a rough ride, but it was Danny's imagination that brought us here in the first place and kept us in the game when things went wrong." "Look, it always boils down to the same two things." "You roll the dice or you walk away, that's it." "Well?" "Well, it was different when Mickey was here, wasn't it?" "We always knew everything would come good." "Thanks for the vote of confidence." "Stop the car!" "I'm sorry." " It's OK." " No, it's not." " Yeah, it's..." " No, it's not." "I shouldn't have said that." "No, you're right." "You're right, Stacie." "I am just a jumped-up short-con player." "You know, the truth is," "I'm completely out of my league here." "I used to dream about all this." "Leading my own crew, calling the shots," "making the plays." "I don't know, Mickey, he just made it look... so effortless." "And so do you." "Yeah, right" "Look, you're not as smooth as Mickey, and things aren't as well planned," "but you're still a bloody genius." "When you say "not as smooth"..." "I'm being serious." "You know, if I'm so good, how is it that I haven't got a single clue about what we're going to do tomorrow?" "You will." "When it matters." "You go around the back and make sure he's not coming out." "Here's my bid." " Have you got the money?" " Here." "What the hell is going on?" "I don't know." "They must've caught him tampering with the bids." " What?" "!" " They've caught him!" "He paid me!" "Take his fingerprints, it'll be on the money!" "They've got my money?" "Don't..." " He made me, it's him!" " I'm getting out of here!" "There he is!" "I've never seen that man before in my life." "Don't mind him, sir." "Get in the car." "You can tell us about it down at the station." "I thought you were gonna be in there all day." "Well, as soon as my doctor here told 'em about the mix up with my medication, they couldn't wait to get rid of me." "God bless America." "Well, you actually bloody did it." "Hi, I'm just waiting for someone." "Weren't you here the other day, with the film crew?" "Must have been my brother..." "from England." " How do I look?" " Just like Jell-o on springs." "Cheers, boys!" "Please!" "Please,sir." "You're upsetting my daughter." "With a face like that, she deserves to be upset!" "Looks like a pan of fried assholes." " Please, sir!" " Call the police!" " This man is disgusting!" " Oh, my god, but you're lovely." "Oh, God, the love of my life has just walked into the room." "That's the guy." "It's not my fault." " She made me do it." " I didn't!" " She paid me!" " All right, sir, calm down." "No, no, it was him." "Anthony Westley." "He made me do it." " I'll tell you everything." " I never saw him before in my life." "And that's not a woman, that's a man, yeah!" "He made me do it." " That's enough." " He made me do it!" " Turn around." " They're all con men!" " I said, turn around." " They all made me do it!" "They paid me to steal the sign!" "Bob, grab the case." "Settle down!" "Get your goddamn hands off me!" "They've caught him tampering with the bids." " What?" "!" " They caught him!" " They've got my money!" " I'm getting out of here!" "Anthony Westley!" "There he is!" "I've never seen that man before in my life." "You know, you are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe." "What?" "The Wizard Of Oz." "Ah, well, in that case... there is no place like home." "I have to hand it to you, Danny," " that was bloody genius, mate." "Yes, it was, wasn't it?" "I called his hotel, they said he got a car to the airport." "You should have seen his face when the police pulled Ash out." "Couldn't happen to a nicer bloke." "There is one other little thing we've got to sort out." "What's that, then?" "I seem to remember we did say that we'd sort out the leadership after we'd done the deal." "And as Stace is now sitting next to half a million big ones," "I thought now might be a good time." "Ah, here we go." "No, come on, fair's fair." "Did I or did I not deliver the goods?" "Yes, you did, yes." "All those in favour of me being elected leader, please put your hands up." "Only joking." "Well, I make that unanimous, then." "Come on, Danny!" "You're the one!" "Sit down, for God's sake." "Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2007"