"This is Ozzie Graham reporting on StarCrossed, a support group for people who believe they've been abducted by aliens" "You did call these people weirdos." "That's no reason to ruin somebody's life!" "Something happened to me." "I need to find out what it is." "My name is Ozzie Graham, and I'm an experiencer." "Hey, bud!" "I seem to keep missing you." "Listen, I know I'm not your favorite guy lately," " but I thought I'd check in." " _" "I'd love it if you'd pick up one of these times I call." " We'll mend our fences." " _" "And if working at a small-town paper ever loses its charm, you're always welcome back at Glint, buddy." "Anyway, I'm gonna keep calling you until I get you." "We miss you here on Earth." "Hey, excuse me." "Ozzie Graham." "I'm taking over the police blotter for the Beacon Daily Gazette." "Oh." "Anything to report?" " Let's see." "This week?" " Yeah." "A man shot a squirrel." "Oh, wait, wait." "Shot at a squirrel." " He missed." " Wow." "You guys have my car in impound, by the way." "I thought I recognized you." "You hit a deer." "Car accidents involving animals are sometimes cover memories used to mask alien encounters." "I'm not suggesting you did that on purpose or murdered a deer." "It seems like that's what you're suggesting." "So, did you get a chance to spend some time with the orientation binder?" "Yeah, yeah." "Cover to cover." " So, what'd you think?" " It was pretty dense." "Thanks, man." "I need to rewrite the foreword." "There's a lot of science that's changed, but..." "And any thought to picking a sponsor?" " Sponsor?" " Chapter seven." "Right." "Chapter seven." "The... the sponsor." "It's kind of like an A.A. type of thing." " Exactly." "Very similar." " Bingo." "Not dissimilar at all." "That's a great insight." "We encourage everyone to kind of find that "special someone."" "You know, it's really important to have someone that you can call." "Maybe late at night if you're lonely or confused." "I like to think of sponsorship really as kind of the emotional glue that seals the bond with the group." "This could be us, buddy." "People won't know where you start and I begin." "You know, th-that sounds great, but also, it sounds like a really big decision, and I-I don't want to rush into it." "It is a really important decision, and it's also really important that you try to make it by the end of tonight's session." "I'm gonna ask that of you." "Sure." "It's a good idea." "Ozzie." " Ozzie." " Huh?" "You'll make the right choice." "I know you." "Don't put that much pressure on yourself." "You looked a little spooked for a second there." "_" " Hey." " Yeah?" "Heard you're hard up for a sponsor." "Word travels fast in this group." "But my heart goes out to anyone who's been messed with by Greys." "Well, thanks, Ennis." "I really appreciate it, but I..." "I've got a microphone in my head." "Yeah, the feedback, it's just..." "What?" "You know, I think the meeting's getting ready to start." " No, you just said something." " I didn't say anything." "Why don't we just focus in?" "Okay." "So, Kelly, what do you remember about your experience?" "It was just after 1:00 a.m." "And he appeared." "Hi." " I can't really describe how I felt." " You want to try?" "Like, emotionally horny." "I don't know how else to describe it." "It's amazing." "We... we talked all night." "He was, like... an amazing listener." "And then the next thing I know, he was gone." "He's probably married." "That sounds like a positive experience." "I just couldn't help but notice that there were similarities between Chelsea's experience and Kelly's, because you both had intimate encounters with a tall, pale, long-haired being that smelled vaguely of lavender." "No, our... our experiences are nothing alike." "Yeah." "Mine wasn't pornographic." "Well, maybe he just wasn't interested in seeing you naked." "Or maybe I don't jump on every alien dick" " that shows up in my kitchen." " Oh!" "There is nothing wrong with the female orgasm." " Um, there is when it's yours." " Oh." "Okay, okay." "You know what?" "_" " Oh, my God." " Chelsea, stop, stop, stop." "We're not here to do that, okay?" "Okay?" "No one is trying to censor your sexuality!" "Our experiences are not competitions, right?" "Ozzie, um, what were you trying to do, uh, there?" "Look, I just thought it'd be helpful if we just identified some of the patterns" " in everybody's experiences." " Right." "So that way we could investigate what's going on, and..." "Okay, you know what?" "Figure out the truth of what's happening to us." "I-I-I'm gonna pause you right there." "StarCrossed is a place where we talk about our feelings." "We're not an investigative group." " Well, it should be." " But we're not, okay?" " Well, we should be." " We are not, and that's the point." "I'm just saying it's something I've always felt." "I'm sharing it, so..." "It seems silly to deny the similarities in everyone's experiences." "We all saw a bright light." "We were all told we were special." "Clearly, we're not all special." "Kelly and Chelsea both gave it up for the same smooth-talking alien." " Oh, my God!" " Give it up." "We were just talking." " They were different beings!" " Do you even listen?" "Ladies, ladies." "All I'm saying, like in the words of Fleetwood Mac, thunder is an indication that rain is coming." " That's not the correct lyric!" " No." "You don't know the quote." " Richard, it's not what they say." " Can we try to talk about this?" "It's not helpful to talk about lyrics." "I'm trying to make a point here, ladies." " Gina, excuse me." "Gina, can we talk?" " Oh" " Uh, hi, Father." " I was thinking now in my office." "Okay." "I guess quick pee break, everyone." "Proximity." "What?" "That's what I can offer as your sponsor." "I live very close to your motel." "I have a lot of free time on my hands, as well, 'cause Debbie was taken." "It's a big hole to fill." " How do you know where I live?" " I can also offer you a coffee." "I'll bring you one when I show up." "I'm a bit of a Sanka man myself." "I know where you live, too, man." "I got tons of time." "Way more than him." "I got nothing to do." " Like that's a selling point?" " What do you care?" "You're already somebody's sponsor." " You sponsor Ennis." " Oh, God." "That doesn't count." "I mean, all he does is talk about crop rotation." "So?" "That's part of the deal." "The deal is talking about alien issues, and I can't get him on the subject." " It's all related, Richard." " No, it's not." "Not crop rotation." "Everything okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I-I just needed to take a time out." "Mm." "I feel you." "I need a time out in here, too, sometimes." "These people are crazy." "Oh, hell yeah." "I still ask myself why I go to these things." "How do you know you're not crazy?" "Well, I didn't at first, right?" "I thought this only happened to white people." "But then, you know, lizard person's in your bedroom and you're like, "Well, damn, I guess this is on."" "Oh." "And I just wanted to thank you for addressing that whole Kelly/Chelsea thing." "That thing's been bothering me for months." "Just feels like we should be comparing notes, right?" "I know, I know, I know." "I think the same thing, too." "I always thought that." "It just feels like it would be easier to accept this if I just had some proof." "You know I can get that for you, right?" " Proof?" " Yep." " Proof of alien life?" " What did I just say?" "There seems to be a lot of screaming during your sessions." "That's the sound of healing." "I'm getting a lot of complaints." "From who?" "Is it from Lyle?" " Was it Lyle from Guitar for Beginners?" " Gina..." "That guy has a problem with me." "I made a comment about Santana, and he got very persnickety." " It's not Lyle." " It's Jackie from the bereavement group." "You want to know something?" "She's grieving." "I get it." " I understand that she's grieving..." " I will not reveal or be trusted..." " but she is a grieving liar." " if I reveal my sources." "It wasn't her." " And she is a grieving snitch." " It's not..." "I want..." "Okay, so clearly y'all have a beef over your cheating alien." "Allegedly cheating alien." "So, who here has artistic skills besides me?" "I dabble." " Okay, great." "So you're hired." " I'm actually amazing." "So, this is what I propose." "We separate you, and we're gonna ask you to describe your respective alien." "Start from what you remember." "Clothing, anything." "Mags and I will draw sketches of those descriptions, and then we will compare them and see if it's the same one." "Just sit in for 10 minutes, okay?" "We're doing some really good work here." "Hey, everyone." "How white?" "What's going on here?" "We're settling a bet, Father." "My hypothesis is that these two ladies are messing around with the same alien." " What?" " Okay." "Um, I-I think maybe tonight isn't the best." "I'm staying." " There was..." " ..." "A flash of light." "And suddenly, he appears." "How did you get in here?" "I just beamed in." "No problem." "I can't picture his face, but I feel like I could tell him anything." "I over-complicate relationships." "Or maybe I get into relationships with over-complicated people." "And I said, "What are you going to do to me?"" "And he said, "What would you like me to do to you?"" "Okay." "What... what about his face?" "I can only really picture his body, and it didn't have a hair on it." "It keeps coming in and out." "Maybe you're not meeting someone because on some level, you don't want to be truly known." "Damn." "If he was a therapist, I'd go." "I-I can kind of picture his face." "He was abnormally well endowed." " Okay, this is..." " Let's get to his face." " What did his face look like?" " His face?" "His face, yeah." " Did he have a face?" " Well, I'm sure he had a face." "All right, we're getting somewhere." "Yes, I mean, I saw, you know, shadows of things, but..." "Wow." "This is, like, really hard work." " John the Baptist, give me strength." " And he said..." " You're a unique..." " You're a unique..." " and valuable creation, Kelly." " and valuable creation, Chelsea." " Boom." "There's your proof." " Yeah." "Two ladies, same alien." "What are the odds?" "They don't even look like the same species." "Yeah, but squint." "Look at the jaw lines." "Hmm." "Faces and hands are hard to draw." " Mm-hmm." " Yeah." "That was very informative." "Tonight was unusually graphic." " It's... it's really not..." " I'm not sure this is the home for whatever it is you're doing." "I think the resemblance is undeniable." "Don't you, Oz?" "Ozzie?" "That's a smoking gun right there!" "Come on." "No, this is insane." "They're clearly different beings." "The fact that he called you both unique and valuable creatures, that's what did it for me." "Wait." "What?" "They've been in the same group for months." "They probably just influenced each other subconsciously." "Time out." "Two weeks ago, we stood over there, and you knew you'd seen aliens." "And we hugged, and it was beautiful." "What happened to you, man?" "I don't know what happened." "I-I..." "I don't know if I want to be the type of guy who rides a bicycle to a Catholic church to just talk about aliens, all right?" "I don't know if I want to be the guy who lives in a motel, 'cause that's what I do right now, Gerry." "I'm living in a motel." "A motel!" "I went to college, all right?" "And now I'm thinking about buying a hot plate!" "That's what I'm doing right now!" "I'm thinking about getting a hot plate, Gerry." "That's not what my life was supposed to be." "Okay." "So, I'm hearing you don't want to be riding a bicycle." "No, I don't want to be riding a bicycle!" "But the Beacon police department has my car!" "The BPD has your car?" "Yes." "They have my car." "They said it's tied up in paperwork or something." "Stay here." "I'll handle it." "Wait, Gerry." "What do you mean, "handle it"?" "I know a guy." "Don't leave!" "I'm gonna get back that car!" "It's what any good sponsor would do!" "What?" "!" "Why do you keep calling me?" "Hey, Ozzie, I finally got you." "Listen, I never apologized for whatever went down between us." "You mean for outing my sources?" "Yeah, I feel terrible about the whole thing." "So, I heard you moved upstate." "Are you still writing about that alien truther group?" "Look, I don't work for you, Jonathan, so what I do is none of your business." "You're absolutely right." "I just want to say you're an amazing talent, and it would be a shame to see you throw your career away chasing Bigfoot." "All right, you know what?" "Thanks for that, and take care, Jonathan." "He's not coming around, is he?" "No." "But he will." "They're not gonna like that upstairs." "Nancy, I know." "Bring me my face." "I need to think." "Shit." "My notebook." "Did you forget something?" "Hey, Ozzie." "I'm lonely." "Let's talk a bit, okay?" "No!" "There's nothing to talk about 'cause you're not here." "Uh, yes, I am." "Hey, have you picked your sponsor yet?" "'Cause you know who'd make a great sponsor?" "Not interested!" "Me." "I know you better than anyone." "I'm okay with it." "Honestly, what's the big deal?" "I meet guys like this all the time." "It's not the first time I've been with, like, a guy like this." "You know, handsome foreigner, you know?" "Lies to you and leaves you the next morning." "Wipes your... mind." " You're not better than me." " What?" " I'm not saying that." " No one is saying" " that you're better or worse." " It doesn't really matter because I'm not just some single person waiting for death." "Chelsea, do you think that your physical interaction with the White may be highlighting some issues for you in your marriage?" "No, my marriage is fine." "Hi, honey." "You missed dinner." "Is everything okay?" "Yes." "Long day." "Going to my office." "I... got to make some calls." "But it's 10:45 at night." "John?" " Where are you going?" " Just need to pee." "Oh, good." "You didn't leave." "You're a man of your word." " How'd you get my car?" " The less you know, the better." "You said you couldn't pick a sponsor until you had a car." "Well... took that off your plate." "Excuse me." "We're closing for the night." "Oh." "I'm sorry." "Are you okay?" "Yes." "It's an alien cover memory?" "Seems like a lot of damage for somebody who didn't hit a deer." "Yeah." "It's a puzzler." "You got to..." "It's not on." " You got to match it." " No." "It's on a bit of an angle." "Just a bit of an angle." " I got it, I got it." " Are you sure?" " Yes." " No, he's good." "Do you want me to go and get a baby to do your job?" " No, no." " The only way he's gonna learn is if he struggles through it." "I know, but this is..." "Don." "Oh, boy." "Oh, boy." " Should we call an ambulance?" " Is it his blood sugar?" "You with the beard... get on the ground." "No, not you." "The... the other one with the puffier beard." "Get on the ground." " I thought you said you knew a guy." " I do." "He wasn't there, so I broke in." "Don't make me say it again, sir." "Get on the ground." "Gerry, just get on the ground." "I-I'm just turning around for a second just to talk to you." "You're resisting!" "I'm just starting to think that maybe my alien experience is highlighting some problems in my marriage." "Marriages are difficult." "Mm-hmm." "Um..." "I'm usually not this forward, but have you ever sought consolation in Christ?" "He's an excellent listener." "I think I'm Jewish." "But on my father's side, so that doesn't really count, right?" "And my mother says that she's a Buddhist, but she really just believes in Richard Gere." "I mean, I'm..." "I'm not saying I wouldn't." "I'd be open to it." "I'm a political prisoner!" "Missing something?" " You saw?" " Your crazy chart." "Yep." "Thanks for giving me a question mark." "I wish I was kidding." "I was actually flattered." "It's... it's not personal." "I-I..." "I'm just trying to figure out if I belong here." "I get it." "I made the same chart when I started." "In my head, not on paper, 'cause I'm not a total idiot." " Rookie move." " That's me, so..." "But you had second thoughts?" "I'm on my seventh and eighth thoughts, honestly." "But then I think... who would I rather tell about the time I met an alien?" "A bunch of "reasonable people,"" "or a bunch of crazies and question marks." " Hey, Kelly." " Yeah?" "Do you want to be my sponsor?" "Yeah, sure." "No calls after 10:00." "Just texts." "All right." "Oh, and would you mind breaking it to Gerry?" "Nice try." "All right." "Guys, guys." "It's under control." "He's moved to Beacon, and he's seeing deer." "That doesn't sound under control to me." "Look, the deer's on you guys." "You were supposed to pick him up, wipe his mind, and then implant a memory to mask the entire experience." "Basic stuff." " We did that part!" " We did all that." "Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but he's supposed to have a memory of hitting a deer, not seeing them in his waking life." "I'm right on this, Nancy, right?" "Or am I on drugs?" "He should not be seeing deer." "Hey, everyone." " Uh, can I say something?" " What is that, [bleep] Don?" "We all might have messed up a little." " Shut up, Don!" " It's not the time." "All right, I'm coming down there." " I'll take care of this." " No." "Kurt, let's leave the Earth work to the Earth workers, all right?" "I got this contained." " What are you doing?" " Walsh screwed this up." "I'm going down there." "I'm gonna take care of this guy." "Careful." "Don't get shot." "It's like the Wild West down there." " What's the Wild West?" " Didn't anyone read my binder?" "Don't wait up." "I wasn't planning on waiting up... 'cause I have my own life." "_" "_" ""I got nowhere to go!"" ""I got nowhere to go!"" "Right? "Officer and a Gentleman."" " Right, yeah." " It's wonderful." "I forgot about that." "_" "Time to clean up this mess." "Oh!" "Shit!" "Oh, God." "Oh." "Do you need backup out there?" "Uh, no, no." "There's, uh... there's nothing out here." "Jesus." "What a mess."