"It's just this war might not go on forever, however much you and I want it to." "Big, hairy mapumbu." "GRACE:" "Is that it, Harry?" "Not exciting enough for you jet-setting war correspondents?" "(EXCLAIMING)" "When?" "What ceasefire?" "About 20 minutes ago." "Are you married?" "No." "Hallelujah." "I'm in the war-ravaged Central African republic of Karibu" "I'm in the war-ravaged Central African republic of Karibu and I'm doing what we TV journalists call "a piece to camera"." "Now there are several vital things to remember for a good PTC." "First, that there's lots of background interest." "This..." "This is good." "(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)" "But this." "This is rubbish." "All right, mate?" "Also make sure that there's plenty of hand action." "Always use your hands to emphasise the point you're making and, if you're feeling particularly confident, stop walking for a few seconds, then turn off in a completely different direction for no apparent reason whatsoever." "Got that, William?" "Okay, now I'm going to hold the camera and you have a go, all right?" "And our special correspondent Jeremy Morrison has just arrived in Karibu." "Jeremy, there have been some amazing developments there." "Yes, Sian, as of 6:00 last night, the guns fell silent here in Karibu." "And the man responsible for bringing this decade-long war to a halt managed it without leaving Birmingham." "It was Aston Villa star left back, Gerald Alumu, whose dramatic and heartfelt plea after last weekend's Villa victory over Tottenham Hotspur completely changed the political landscape here." "My country is hurt." "It has a damaged metatarsal." "I want it to be match fit again." "(PEOPLE CHEERING)" "Please, stop the fighting." "That is only the second time that the intervention of a Premiership player has stopped an African civil war." "And already there are signs of a brighter future for this war-torn country." "Jeremy, thanks." "Thanks, Rory." "Thanks, Jane." "You were brilliant." "JANE:" "Yeah, absolutely delighted to help." "Now I thought I'd nip downstairs and get you a room." "(EXCLAIMS) Splendid, dear heart." "I simply must go and talk to Saskia." "Saskia, my darling, how are you?" "So where's David hiding?" "Just over there where he thinks we can't see him." "(RORY CHUCKLING)" "Well that's it, isn't it?" "I'm on the scrapheap." "Not at all, David, it's just that you've done it for years now, probably since before I was born." "So I'm being replaced." "Not replaced, David." "Rested." "Chillax, man." "You're telling me I'm not in the Children In Need musical parody at all this year?" "David, they're doing Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty." "You don't really fit." "And Fiona Bruce and Jeremy Vine do?" "First Morrison and now this." "Why's that man even here, Alex?" "Mood of the meeting, David, is that the audiences likes you best" "when you're delivering bad news." "They like me when?" "You know, floods, earthquakes, epidemics, that sort of thing." "You should see the research, the approval graphs spike like Kilimanjaro." "According to the focus groups, if the world was to end tomorrow, you'd be one of the four news men of the apocalypse." "(SCOFFING) Who does this research?" "See Jeremy though, Jeremy's great at good news." "Jeremy knows nothing about Africa." "He's the Brussels correspondent." "He's very popular, especially since all that tabloid hoopla in Iraq." "The Daily Mirror called him the phwoar correspondent." "The high-ups can't ignore that kind of stuff." "Oh, I think they can." "(JUNGLE SOUNDS)" "Miss Margaret, I think we are perhaps too close." "(WHISPERING) Be quiet!" "I don't understand why the BBC requires a recording of an animal breathing." "Because, Joyful, this is the breath of Africa." "You do realise, Joyful, that the wildlife population of Africa has diminished hugely over the last 30 years." "Over 98% of the rhinos here have been poached, you know." "So my cousin tells me." "But you know, on the plus side, that means the price goes up." "You do know that is not a rhinoceros?" "This beast represents all the silent, suffering animals of Africa." "So shush!" "(MARGARET SIGHING)" "And former US President Bill Clinton has announced that he is to travel to Karibu." "His itinerary includes meeting both sides and a night out in the VIP lounge at Dimples nightclub." "Sorry, sorry, William." "Listen, the hands, they're good, but just try and do it a little bit less." "Remember, you're like you're trying to throttle a dolphin." "(SIGHING) It's so difficult for me." "For you, the famous BBC journalist, it comes so easy." "For three years, I was a junior newspaper reporter." "I covered government press conferences, the President's birthday, his official birthday, his wives' birthday, but now that Karibu Chui Televisheni has given me a big job in TV" "I see it's so much more complicated." "Well, maybe Karibu Chewy..." "Sorry, what was it?" "Karibu Chui Televisheni." "Karibu Leopard Television." "It's like an African Fox Television." "(LAUGHS) Well, the thing is, you see, I started off just like you, William." "I was a junior reporter on the Croydon Advertiser, stopping people in the streets asking them about bus shelters." "Such a world!" "Yeah, but then I worked my way up..." "Tell me more about Croydon." "In my head it's like some space city of the future." "Yeah, yeah, it is pretty special when you see the sun rise over the two chimneys of IKEA's flagship London store, it's..." "Actually makes me feel quite emotional." "(CHUCKLING)" "Perhaps one day, after the war, Karibu will have an IKEA, too." "Perhaps." "Perhaps." "He was actually peeping round the corner like a naughty schoolboy." "He just feels threatened by you, Jeremy, that's all." "Yeah, and so he should." "Oh, poor David." "Gosh, and when Jane tells him you're going to steal his cameraman for your Newsnight piece tonight, he's going to go off like a shoe-bomber's Reeboks." "So, Alex, I've got Newsnight in the bag, yeah." "So what about the Ten?" "To be frank, I should probably do that one as well." "You are insatiable, Jeremy!" "I don't know yet." "Let's just see what David has to offer." "Oh, he'll offer the same thing he always does." "A nation at peace with itself with that serious face he does like he's trying to pass a kidney stone." "You are naughty!" "ROFL!" "Well, I'll see what I can do." "Jeremy, um, apparently you've never been to Africa." "Going back home for the first time, you know, I mean, that must be quite emotional." "Alex, I think you're confusing me with Tarzan." "I'm from Cheltenham." "(EXCLAIMING) Look out!" "Incoming." "Asante!" "I've got to find a way to distract David." "If the two of them don't actually meet, we might just get away with it." "Otherwise it's all going to go completely Burundi." "David's not so bad." "At least he does his job." "First summer I was down in South Africa with this correspondent, pretty famous actually, yet he was too scared to even leave the hotel." "He'd send me out to do the shots, looting, riots, all that, then we'd do a piece to camera in the car park." "I'd stick it on top of my stuff and send it back to London." "Got a BAFTA, that did." "I didn't know you had a BAFTA." "Oh, no, I haven't." "He has though." "Well, of course he has." "Still, next time I was on a long flight home with him," "I filled every crevice of his luggage with offal before we left." "12-hour flight." "His bag hummed like a butcher's wheelie bin." "Can't have been much fun for you?" "Oh, it didn't bother me." "He was in Club." "I was at the back as usual." "Top marks!" "Grace, I'm gonna need another room." "It must have a bath." "Which is why I always nick hotel sewing kits." "You've got to be prepared." "Hey!" "Those are subject to a fair use policy." "Sorry, love." "Look, could you send David out on a story?" "What story?" "Now there's a ceasefire, no one knows what the story is." "When the guns stop, everyone sits down in a different seat." "It's like musical chairs." "Well, we could do an animal piece." "Yeah, it's been a good few years since I've sat in a Land Rover for four hours waiting for a baboon to show me its arse." "Never thought I'd miss it, but..." "You cannot ask a senior correspondent to do a beast piece." "It's the ultimate humiliation." "Animals aren't news." "No serious journo goes anywhere near them unless they're desperate." "Or freelance." "Or Margaret." "All right, fine." "Anyway, I can't let him leave because then you'd have to go with him and I'm under strict orders to have you scrubbed and disinfected and given to Jeremy." "I'm sorry." "We still do not have any spare rooms." "Mr Krishnan Guru-Murthy left this morning, but it will take at least a day to tidy the place up." "We may have to replace the bed entirely." "Oh, twat knuckles!" "With the announcement of the ceasefire, teams of specialists with experience in post-war reconstruction will be relocated from all over the world." "Iraq, Afghanistan, the 2012 Olympic site but, above the noise of rebuilding, who will hear the zebra's ragged breath?" "Bravo, Miss Margaret." "Powerfully authentic." "I love it here, Joyful." "So natural." "So unspoilt." "Isn't it though?" "Miss Margaret, can we get a move on?" "I have to go to another appointment at 4: 30." "Where are you going?" "To the refugee camp." "Where's that?" "There." "Oh, my..." "In Africa, you get them free with every civil war." "It looks awful." "It is." "Can I come with you?" "Look, can't Jeremy have your room?" "You could share with Margaret." "No, thank you!" "I'd rather share with Mugabe." "He probably farts less in his sleep." "Well, he can't have mine." "All the gear's in it." "(EX CLAIMS) Isn't this great?" "Listen, Rory." "I've been here one month." "And in that time I've been arrested, mugged, arrested for my own mugging." "I've had food poisoning eight times, only four of those have been alcohol related." "Okay." "I have also contracted, from Margaret, an intestinal disease so spectacular and explosive that every fart's a gamble." "Okay, okay." "What are you doing?" "Just relax." "My shoulder rubs are legendary from Jo'burg to Hamburg." "(JANE MOANING)" "Kate Adie said that." "Hey!" "Can't you two get a room?" "Apparently not!" "Here, I have an idea for you." "I don't think so." "Don't knock it till you've tried it." "And I hate to say this, Samantha, but thank you." "All right, Rory." "I didn't want to do it, but I've done it." "Come on, David." "Let's go!" "We have a story." "We're not in show business, you know, despite appearances to the contrary." "Just because Jeremy Morrison has moistened a few gussets in a focus group doesn't make him a Pulitzer prize winner." "Oh, God!" "And here's another thing." "Wherever he turns up he swans in with bits of tat he's brought from London and tells everyone how marvellous they are just to get his own way." "I know." "Despicable." "No, my point is, that's the way I do it." "It's pure Bradburn." "Come on, David." "Let's go!" "This is all about targets, isn't it?" "I'm being edged out, aren't I?" "Oh, God, he's here." "Just don't cause a scene." "Of course I won't." "Yeah, all right, thank you." "David, you old bastard!" "Here you are at last." "Hello, Jeremy." "Welcome to Karibu!" "And welcome to the continent." "It's great to be here." "And Jane, Janey Jane!" "How could I have forgotten?" "Oh, you know, I've got you a little something." "Now, it was Belgian chocolates, as I recall." "I expect these are rather thin on the ground here." "One to share and one to keep entirely for yourself." "Do not touch Jane's private stock anyone!" "No, don't." "Really, don't touch it." "And Rory!" "Rugged, rugged Rory." "What have I got for you?" "There we are." "Beef-flavoured hula hoops and a copy of Maxim." "Cheers, mate." "Much appreciated." "And David..." "Saw your two-way upstairs, Jeremy." "Fresh and vigorous." "Reminds me of the sort of thing I was doing when I was your age." "Yes, I remember that." "Just." "I used to watch you on the Nine O'Clock News." "Such authority, such enormous lapels!" "Well, I've never seen myself as a clothes horse." "Mmm, just as well, old man." "Don't want to find yourself on your way to the glue factory, eh?" "Oh, I don't think David's quite ready for the knacker's yard." "He hasn't even been put out to stud yet." "Oh!" "And I got you a bottle of single malt, old man." "It's the least I could do." "Very kind." "Okay, so you be the interviewer and I'll be the interviewee." "Very good." "Now, when a BBC journalist normally asks a question, his voice goes up and then down." "Unless, of course, you're Michael Buerk, then it goes up, then down, and then up again." "Okay?" "Okay, I have a question." "Shoot!" "When you put in your expenses, do you get a receipt or is that not necessary?" "Brilliant!" "Answer the question." "Well, I do have to go, you know, I've got so much to do this afternoon." "Uh, I need to get down with the 'fugees." "Pardon?" "Refugees." "I need to get to the refugee camp down towards the lake." "That's where I'm doing my Newsnight piece." "So Jane, I'm going to need..." "Oh, I'll tell you what." "Let's..." "Let's all stay together." "Let's not split up." "Oh, excellent!" "Have you got something planned down there too, David?" "I'm sure it'll be marvellous." "Well, uh..." "JEREMY:" "Hmm?" "I can't say." "Great little story though." "Oh, it's an animal piece, isn't it?" "Hmm?" "He's embarrassed!" "David, there is nothing to be ashamed of." "I don't do animal stories, Jeremy." "No, of course you don't, David." "Children and animals have a saying, apparently." ""Never work with David Bradburn."" "It's going to be fine, it's going to be fine." "Well done, Rory." "Samantha really has come up trumps." "It's exactly the sort of story David loves." "Two for one at Spearmint Hippo Mombasa?" "No." "I've found him some GSRs." "Jane, why am I going to this refugee camp?" "Because, David, I've sorted out a humanitarian crisis for you." "Really?" "Any GSRs?" "What are GSRs?" "BOTH:" "Grief Stricken Relatives." "Don't worry, David, there's bloody loads." "Good." "Are we off then?" "Why don't I ride shotgun?" "David, you hop in the back with Jane." "Always more fun at the back, I say." "Stick that in the boot, will you, love?" "Thanks, Rory." "Rory." "It's absolutely huge." "Yes, it is the only part of the property market that is still booming." "Hello." "Oh, it's you!" "Of course it is." "Habari gani, Joyful." "Hello, Miss Samantha." "Well, thank God you're here!" "Where's everyone else?" "No, it's just me." "That's radio, small but perfectly formed." "Radio?" "Oh, is that what you do?" "Absolutely." "The senior service." "Always ready to go." "And do you know, on my first day at the World Service, I was given a tape recorder, a razor blade and a chinagraph pencil and told that was all I would ever need." "I see that you have lost the razor blade." "Well, thank God the BBC have shown some interest." "CNN told them not to call back till they had at least 5,000 tents up." "Fox News just wanted to ask the refugees how much they felt let down by Barack Obama." "Apparently, he's decided he's got to fix America's problems first." "Of course we all know that this research is rubbish, but I think the audience seems drawn to a certain authenticity." "Really?" "Yes, there's the usual resentment towards minorities, but I simply won't apologise for being an old Etonian." "Boris doesn't." "And yes, the camera does happen to rather favour me." "Eh, Rory?" "But we both know it's not about that, David, don't we?" "Of course we do." "It's all about rubbing along with people and if that takes a BBC diary, or a bottle of single malt, then that's fine, eh?" "The thing is, Margi, the money's getting skimmed off before it even gets here." "That's why they need the publicity." "Great, yes." "That's rather good." "Look, is there someone we can talk to who's been affected?" "Ideally someone who has lost a close family member and also speaks English." "Well, I can ask." "You do know that sounds a bit brutal?" "You're lucky the American crews did not come." "They would want to interview someone who has not only lost a close family member, but also at least one leg." "Hey, Joyful!" "Perhaps you'd like to interview me?" "(LAUGHING) Hey, Douglas!" "Hey!" "Okay, why don't we start down here?" "Wait!" "My cousin Douglas runs a hardware store down by the power plant." "How's trade, my friend?" "Brisk." "We are having a price crash on ironmongery this week." "It's up only 50%." "Up?" "How is that a price crash?" "Well, with inflation running at about 150% a week, a 50% increase is, in effect, a price cut." "So you are delivering here?" "Not just delivering, we're building the place." "On a supply and fit basis." "No recession here!" "You got the whole contract?" "Well, a big American firm actually holds the contract." "But they subcontracted it to some Egyptian guy who, in consultation with the Ministry of War, awarded contracts to selected favoured individuals, including Uzuri Hardware." "If you want to know where the money's going, just ask this Greedy Gus." "Frankly, Jeremy, I'm surprised it was worth your while flying in." "Ceasefire, probably an election in a couple of weeks, it's all over, really." "You think?" "Just the usual stuff." "A tale of the triumph of democracy as jubilant, happy citizens queue to vote, followed by a deserving winner celebrating and lifting the nation out of a decade of dictatorship, corruption and violence." "You're so right, old man." "In fact, I think I can safely declare the entire story over on Newsnight tonight." "What do we think?" "Now hang on there." "If anyone's going to declare this story over, it's me." "Sorry, Jeremy, but that is strictly David's speciality." ""As I look back on my time here,"" ""chapter drawing to a close." You're not going to take that away from him." "I've declared the end of the Bird Flu outbreak, the end of Communism," "Gulf War, Blair years, Gordon Brown, twice." "Well, you never know, old man." "I could be unpacking the story tonight and it might just slip out." ""And that's surely the sign of a nation making peace with itself."" "You wouldn't do that." "I tell you what." "How about a little wager?" "What do you mean?" "Well, there's three minutes and a two-way still going on the Ten tonight." "Alex told me they haven't decided who's doing it yet, you or me." "Let's say whoever manages to successfully file for the Ten, by which I mean whoever manages to persuade London they have the better story..." "Gets to declare the war over." "Is that what you're saying?" "What do you think, David?" "Your mysterious story good enough to make the Ten?" "Yes, it is." "All right." "You're on!" "You'd not believe the mark-ups." "Three poles, one plastic sheet cost to the Western taxpayer, $50." "Cost to me, 50 cents." "Well, I think it's naughty." "It's profiteering." "Well, if I charged any less, I wouldn't get the contract." "What exactly do you mean?" "This is how it works." "I love it." "You see, the guys at the top, the guys who designed the contract in the first place, their fee is a percentage of the total cost of the project." "All the way down." "So the more money spent, the higher their fees." "Everybody's a winner!" "You're a winner anyway." "It's just so made of wrong." "It's just normal business practice in the world of post-war reconstruction." "Will you tell us this on tape, Douglas?" "This is a big story." "Is it?" "I thought everybody knew." "If there's going to be an election, this could seriously damage" "President Kubwasana's chances of holding on to power." "On one hand, he's trash-talking the West, on the other, he's skimming off foreign reconstruction money before it's even been sent." "Exactly!" "What?" "(MARGARET SIGHING)" "And that's bad for Kubwasana, is it?" "Yes." "Well, perhaps I could spare you a moment." "(MARGARET EXCLAIMING)" "Right." "This doesn't look bad, actually." "Could do something with this." "Oh, yes." "Yes!" "This'll be splendid." "Uh, can we just..." "Can we please stay together?" "David, if you can come here so you can brief me." "Rory, why don't you set up here?" "Right, Jane, yes." "What?" "And then I'll start back here, walk, walk, hands, hands, come to a stop here." "Turn, Jeremy Morrison, Chief Foreign Editor, Karibu." "Jeremy, that's my job title." "(LAUGHING) Oh, God, sorry." "My mistake." "I was getting ahead of myself." "And I think you'll find that Rory is my cameraman." "Yeah, well, of course he is." "But it would be a terrible waste of scarce resources to have flown in another cameraman when there is a perfectly brilliant one here." "So London arranged with Jane to lend Rory to me." "Isn't that right, Jane?" "But I have grief stricken relatives to shoot!" "Of course, you do." "And I'm sure that Rory will come and help you, when I've finished with him." "Although to be honest, love," "I'm still a bit jet-lagged." "I might need a few more takes than usual." "Hmm?" "Shall we let you know?" "Sorry, David, I go where I'm told." "Et tu, Rory?" "Don't worry, David." "I've got the B camera, I'll shoot you." "Oh, well, thank God for Tripod Thomason." "Come on, let's find those GSRs." "By the way, it's "Kareebu"." "Right, Rory!" "One for rehearsal and then we should be ready to do the interview." "I think we should come back for this at the end." "What is that?" "Firigisi, I think." "A local speciality." "It looks like inner tube." "Gizzards." "Delicious." "The leader of the opposition denies two charges of fraud and nine of sodomy." "That's all from me for now." "Now the news where you are." "Excellent!" "You're teaching me everything." "You're my Holly Hunter." "I'm your William Hurt." "Yeah!" "And remember that of the three elements to connect to your audience, 55% of the message comes from body language, 38% comes from tone and attitude and only 7% comes from the words." "Ah, so they only listen to 7% of words that are said." "My old boss was like that." "(MOBILE PHONE RINGING) So is my girlfriend." "Excuse me." "Joyful!" "Mr Harry, I have some news of a story for you." "I'm down at the refugee camp in the valley and there is a corruption scandal brewing in the middle of a humanitarian crisis." "Boom!" "It just requires a celebrity UN ambassador to turn up and steal a baby and it is the perfect Africa story." "Thanks, Joyful." "We are on our way." "Okay." "Oh, and thanks for tipping me off, Joyful." "I really appreciate that." "No problem!" "Although I should mention that I've also telephoned all the other foreign journalists in the city as well." "What?" "I called you last because I knew you would definitely not be busy." "But, listen, I've got to go." "Let's go." "I'll explain in the car." "You silly, Sloaney pony!" "I told you not to tell anyone else." "Especially not someone from the BBC!" "That's worse than Sky getting it." "I said we were on our way." "Well, excuse me, Jane, but you said the BBC would definitely cover it so when Margaret and Joyful turned up..." "Great." "No story again, Jane." "What are we going to do?" "A puppet show?" "Listen, Samantha." "I need to find a story that the people of the UK want to watch at 10:00 tonight." "They've had their supper, they're sitting on the sofa, they've had a glass of Merlot and a cheese thin, they can take a little bad news from across the world." "Comprende?" "Please don't cry!" "Because what David can do with bad news is amazing." "He can make it sing." "He can send it across continents to touch the hearts of millions of people you and I will never know." "And if he can do this, I can virtually guarantee that offers of help for those refugees will come flooding in." "She's right, you know." "I was live from DC the night Bush gave his final speech." "BBC website was flooded with people offering him somewhere to spend his retirement." "Quite a few donkey sanctuaries." "Please, please, Samantha, what have you got?" "Well, there are some orphans here, but it's not really the story these people need you to concentrate on." "Hang on, orphans?" "You have orphans?" "Orphans." "All of a sudden, she has orphans." "Well, fetch the orphans, my dear." "The only interviewee that beats a GSR is a GSO!" "The Ten's in the bag." "Thank you, Samantha." "Now bring 'em on!" "This way." "You say what you are doing is reconstruction work, but what it really is, is state-sponsored profiteering, yes?" "Look, we build the camp, we take down the camp, we build a spa and relaxation centre." "It's not just double bubble, it's treble bubble!" "Excuse me." "Are these people with you?" "Joyful!" "People think journalists are where the news is, but really the news is where the journalists are." "Oh, here's Rory." "Let me introduce you to David Bradburn." "Oh!" "I was expecting David." "Harry Chambers, this is Jeremy Morrison." "You know, the Brussels guy?" "I know, yeah." "I've got a little something for you." "(HARRY EXCLAIMS) That's very kind of you." "Double Gloucester and Pickle!" "It's been ages since I've had cheese." "You know, I..." "I fantasise about cheese." "I could give you some gizzards, if you prefer." "Or some Brussels." "Oh, no, no." "This is great." "You're all right." "And who's this?" "Jeremy Morrison." "William Kiatu." "He's the local guy." "He works for Karibu Chui Televisheni." "That's the main network here." "I tell you, he's the one to watch." "So, William, you've been helping Harry here with local contacts?" "Oh, no, no, no." "He's been teaching me all about how to become an internationally famous television journalist." "Harry here has been very kind to me." "You must be very proud to be his cook." "Oh..." "Oh, he's been such an inspiration." "Would it not be marvellous if one day people like you and me could be successful journalists in the BBC?" "I have always wondered why none of their foreign correspondents are actually foreign." "Mr Chambers, a word with you, if you please." "Yes, of course." "The word is twat." "There may be some more later." "Yes, of course." "Ah, Harry!" "Ah, Joyful." "Joyful, this is Jeremy Morrison." "He's the BBC Brussels correspondent" "Jeremy, this is Joyful, my fixer." "Nice suit, Joyful." "Going for an interview?" "Already been!" "Well?" "What does Alex say?" "Orphans for the Ten?" "He's cautiously optimistic." "He says if they're good enough for Angelina," "they're good enough for them." "Right." "Well, let's get it over with." "Careful now, remember when you dropped that baby in Darfur." "Oh, that was self-defence." "Wasn't wearing nappies." "I think it bounced anyway." "But anything to stop the focus groupies favourite screen candy and his relentless rise towards my job." "There you go, orphans." "(SIGHING) Cute!" "The fragile peace in the Central African republic of Karibu seems to be firming up today." "Our special correspondent, Jeremy Morrison, is there." "Well it's been an extraordinary day here." "Free elections have been declared for a few weeks away and already the first candidate has announced he's standing." "The former leader of the Karibu..." "Kareebu." "Workers' Revolutionary Army, Samson Pambazuka, has resigned his self-appointed military position and has now declared himself the civilian leader of the Karibu Workers' Revolutionary Party." "Earlier I spoke to Mr Pambazuka's Director of Communications and campaign manager." "Mr Samson Pambazuka would like to thank his army, the saviours of Karibu." "He is proud to have commanded them and his heart and mind will always be with them." "Did you know Joyful had a new job?" "No." "David?" "No." "And I don't care either." "As long as Jeremy Morrison hasn't got a new job." "What did he bribe you with?" "HobNobs." "Oh, can I have one to go with my cheese?" "All gone." "And with this chapter drawing to a close, people here are looking forward to a country making peace with itself." "There is a very real sense that the war is, finally, over." "Back to you, Peter." "Bastard." "He's done it." "All my stuff." "Thank you, everybody." "Back in ten for Newsnight." "No, thank you." "Now then," "I think we should nip downstairs and then I can show you my room." "Saskia, I think we should teach William here, a few tricks of the trade, don't you?" "Dreadful hands." "Did you see him?" "And caribou!" "It's a country, not a fucking moose!" "Oh, cheer up, David." "He's on a flight back to Brussels tomorrow." "Yeah." "Apparently, he's indispensable there." "They called London and demanded him back." "Or someone with a really good Flemish accent did." "(IN FLEMISH ACCENT) Get on a plane straightaways." "Oh, and I haven't given him a parting gift." "How remiss of me." "Don't worry." "I've sorted it." "Popped a little present in his luggage." "Don't worry, David." "It was a great little piece we did." "Who doesn't love a grief-stricken orphan?" "Alex'll find somewhere for it." "DAVID:" "And despite the fact they lost everything when they fled their villages the refugees here have been looking after orphans of the fighting." "This little baby's mother was another victim of the civil war and he is now adopted by the refugees as a symbol of their plight." "And a symbol of hope for this nation." "Aah, well, here's hoping that little David the Elephant has a rosy future." "Goodbye!" "Well, a day of surprises here in Karibu as the Chief Foreign Correspondent finds out that he can do good news after all." "But only for the under-12s." "As a result, his first book in the "David the Elephant" series, the deal for which is being done behind me now, should be in stockings worldwide by Christmas." "And Jeremy, by now several hours into his flight to Brussels, finds that Rory has sewn a little gourmet gift into the lining of his Louis Vuitton bag." "(EXCLAIMS) I think I'll have the gizzards, please?" "(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)"