"Good evening, Mr. Van Cleve." "Welcome home from your trip." "Hello, Parker." "What's going on here?" "Mrs. Van Cleve is giving a costume ball." "She has a costume laid out for you..." "Napoleon, I believe." "Don't tell her I've arrived." "I haven't slept in two days." "I'm tired." "I'm going upstairs to bed." "I don't want to be disturbed by all these gibbering idiots in monkey suits." "Parker, call a plumber immediately!" "There's a leaky faucet in my bathroom that'll drive me crazy!" "I've got to get some sleep!" "Yes, sir." "Very good, sir." "Albert, answer the phone!" "What are you trying to do, crack the cement?" "Why don't you use your head?" "I did, but it hurts that way." "I'm gonna have to go back to the old way." "Answer the phone." "Go ahead." "Hurry up." "Okay, okay, okay." "Hello!" "Hello!" "I can't hear a thing you're sayin', brother." "Hello!" "Hello!" "Put that down!" "There's the phone." "Hello, Ajax Plumbing Company." "We stand behind every bathtub we sell." "Indeed we do." "What?" "Eddie." "What?" "It's some butler on the phone." "This is gonna be a high-class job." "Oh, yes!" "That's right, Ajax Plumbing!" "We charge six dollars an hour." "That's too much?" "Well, then why don't you try the Atlas Plumbing Company?" "They're very cheap." "Thank you." "Good-bye." "Atlas Plumbing Company." "Four dollars an hour." "What?" "They wanted to charge you six, the Ajax did?" "They're nothin' but a bunch of crooks." "I'm glad you're doin' business with us." "We'll be right over." "Thank you." "Ow!" "Did I hurt you?" "I'm sorry." "You should be sorry." "Now listen." "Put 'em up!" "Put 'em up!" "Put those down." "Stop that." "I'm sick and tired of the whole..." "Never mind that." "You just behave yourself, you understand?" "No more monkey business from you." "Oooh, oooh." "Elsie must be around here someplace." "That's her cab." "Blow the horn." "Huh?" "Blow the horn?" "Blow the horn!" "I want to get Elsie." "Elsie!" "Elsie!" "Listen to me." "There's a city ordinance against blowing horns, and besides, people around here want to sleep." "Stop blowing that horn." "Okay." "Go on, blow the horn." "You heard what the cop said." "I said, blow the horn, didn't I?" "He said there's a lot of people sleepin'." "So what?" "Did you put 'em to sleep?" "Is it your fault they're in bed?" "No." "No." "Blow the horn!" "You sure?" "I said blow the horn, didn't I?" "Elsie.!" "Elsie.!" "Listen!" "Didn't I tell you there was a city ordinance?" "Yes, sir." "Just a minute, Officer." "You're a public servant." "What of it?" "Get me a glass of water." "Why, you little rat!" "Didn't I tell you that people are trying to sleep?" "Now stop blowing that horn!" "Yes, sir." "Yes, sir." "Go on, blow the horn!" "What's wrong with you?" "I said, blow the horn, didn't I?" "Who are you listening to, him or me?" "You're a taxpayer, am I right?" "Yeah." "Don't you know that your taxes help pay that man his salary?" "Does he know that?" "He will know it." "In other words, he's workin' for you." "Oh, that's different." "So, blow the horn." "Hmm, hmm." "Elsie.!" "Elsie!" "Elsie!" "What's the matter with you?" "Get that thing off!" "You little..." "I'll break every bone in your body!" "Take it easy." "Take it easy." "Take it easy." "Watch your blood pressure, kid." "I'm watchin' it." "Take it easy." "I mean, after all, you're workin' for me." "How do you like that?" "You're fired." "Okay!" "Why, you little rat!" "Listen, you little squirt!" "I'm the boss around here and you're nothin', see?" "Boy, you got a nice job." "You bet your sweet life I have." "Boss over nothing." "Boss over nothing!" "How do you like that?" "Stop." "Stop the noise." "Go away." "Take it easy." "Take it easy." "After all, let's be nice about the whole thing." "You should pay a little respect to the man." "After all, he's got a badge." "You bet your life." "It took me 20 years to earn that badge." "You're gonna show a little respect for it." "Certainly." "I'm the limb of the law." "Yes, sir." "Yes, sir." "You're a rotten limb." "Oh!" "So, I'm a rotten limb, am I?" "Listen, the next crack you make, I'll break every bone in your body!" "Yes, sir." "Yes, sir." "And he'll do it too." "He's the type guy could do it." "You're not kiddin'!" "Okay, okay." "See ya later." "Why don't you keep your mouth shut like your pal?" "Yeah." "Then you wouldn't get in trouble." "He's always lookin' for fights all the time." "I can see that." "What's the matter?" "You wanna fight?" "Yes, I wanna fight." "I'll fight you." "And I'll fight you." "I'll fight you!" "And I'll fight you!" "I'll fight you!" "And I'll fight you!" "No, you won't!" "We'd better call it a draw." "I don't want to fight a policeman... around here where all the people are lookin'." "You're wearin' a uniform." "I'll fight you over there in that alley in 15 minutes." "I'll be there!" "Don't forget to be in the alley in 15 minutes!" "Don't worry." "I'll be there!" "Don't have any other cops around to help you!" "I won't have any cops around." "I don't need 'em!" "I'll be there all alone!" "You're darn right because I ain't gonna be there!" "Oh!" "Duh!" "All right, all right." "Come on." "Let's get Elsie." "You caused enough trouble." "Hey!" "Here comes Elsie now." "Elsie?" "Elsie!" "What's the matter?" "Stop that!" "That's my girl." "Albert, you've been fighting again." "Mm-hmm." "Oh, turn around here." "Look at yourself." "Why don't you try and be a little more neat?" "I will from now on, Elsie." "I'll try my best." "If you give me a gold star, I'll do my best." "Now you look sweet." "Say, Elsie, we've got a big society job up at the Van Cleve mansion." "Will you drive us up there?" "Sure." "Hop in." "Swell." "Come on." "Come on." "Come here!" "Where ya going?" "Get in there!" "Hey, hey, hey." "This cab is taken." "Here you go." "Catch." "Would you hold that?" "Excuse me." "Oh." "Get a load of this!" "Elsie, you sit down here, honey." "We'll be back in a minute." "All right." "Go ahead, honey." "You listen to the music." "Mm-hmm!" "So glad you could come." "Oh, thank you." "Where is it?" "Where do we go?" "Oh, right in here." "Excuse me." "Tsk, tsk, tsk." "A beautiful affair, Mrs. Van Cleve." "Thank you, Mrs. Winthrop." "My dance, Queen Elizabeth!" "Oh, my!" "I suppose there were wolves, even in her time." "Gloria, where is Peter Evans?" "He's coming as a taxi driver, Mother." "He said he'd wear a meter and charge me to dance with him." "Only the richest bachelor in the world could afford to be that whimsical." "You'll have to reach an understanding with him this weekend." "That's the whole point of our giving a weekend party, isn't it, to throw us together again in fond hope?" "My dear, I am only suggesting a merger of the family treasures." "And you, darling, happen to be the Winthrop treasure." "I beg your pardon?" "Are you the plumbers from Atlas?" "I'm the plumber." "He's my helper, but no help." "Where's the trouble?" "Walk this way." "Walk this way." "Good evening, sir." "How are you?" "Wait a minute." "You can't go in there." "That's a private party." "What about it?" "Well, they'll throw you out." "They didn't throw you out." "No, they've been very nice about letting me sit here." "They should." "You add a lot of glamour to this little clambake." "That's a fine way for a cabbie to talk." " When you get in costume, you really work at it." " Of course." "Say, I thought I knew all the cab drivers around here." "Who are you?" "Peter Evans." "The Peter Evans?" "Are you kidding?" "No, come on in." "I'll get you a couple of affidavits." "Come on." "I go to all these society column outings." "You're a new face." "As a matter of fact, you're a novelty all over." "Shh." "You must be quiet." "Mr. Van Cleve is a very nervous man and he's trying to sleep." "Shh!" "What was that?" "It's me, sweetheart." "Well, stop fooling around and come to bed." "Hey, Eddie, what are you doin' in the bathtub?" "This ain't Saturday night." "I know it, Albert." "Look out." "I don't wanna hurt your foot." "You don't wanna hurt my foot?" "Yes, you're my friend." "Why, thank you." "Help me out of here, Albert." "Okay, kid." "Take it easy now, Albert." "Be quiet." "There's..." "Don't strain yourself, Albert." "There's a guy sleeping in the next room." "Yeah, I know." "Okay, kid." "That's swell." "Shh!" "Shh!" "Come here!" "Come here!" "Shh." "Don't tell me to shush!" "Get over here!" "Stand still when I talk to ya." "There's the drip over there." "Do ya see it?" "Do ya see it?" "There." "That's the thing that's gotta be fixed." "See it?" "What do you want me to do, fix it or drink it?" "Fix it up!" "All right!" "Now, shut up!" "The man's sleepin'." "Fix that drip!" "Okay." "I'll give you the "okay. "" "Same old Eddie." "Rough-and-tough Eddie." "Go on!" "Fix that drip!" "What are you stalling about?" "Get with it!" "All set?" "Pick your tools up.!" "Keep quiet!" "There's a man asleep in there." "All fixed." "All fixed?" "Look!" "There's another drip." "Now we've gotta fix that." "You take it easy, Eddie." "Don't work too hard." "All right." "Go ahead over and fix it!" "Hey, Eddie, there's some water comin' in here now." "What?" "It's comin' in from this other thing in the bottom." "Afraid of wetting your feet, eh?" "Use your plunger and clean it out." "Okay." "Do I have to tell you everything?" "No, no, that's all right." "What are you doin'?" "What are you doin'?" "The plunger, I said." "That's not the plunger!" "Give me another chance." "Well, go ahead!" "That's it." "I knew it had a handle to it." "Go ahead." "It's stuck!" "It's stuck." "What are you takin' your shoe off for?" "I don't wanna get my shoes wet." "Oh." "Eddie, what's the matter?" "What's the matter?" "Pull on it." "You're always..." "Get it off!" "Look, Eddie, leave it that way and I'll take you through the house." "I'll tell 'em I got you at an auction." "Do something!" "Hold it." "Hold it." "Do something." "Do something." "Get your hand away." "What are you..." "Get up there!" "Give me that hat!" "Get up there and fix that!" "Get in there!" "Don't get mad." "Get up there and fix that leak!" "You looked like a rhinoceros." "Over here!" "Over here!" "There's the leak." "Get up there." "Now, look." "I'll turn the water off with this valve down here." "Yeah." "There ya are." "Now when ya get it fixed, whistle." "Ya understand?" "Soon as I get it fixed, I whistle?" "Whistle." "And then you'll turn it on." "Okay." "Then I'll turn it on." "Turn it off!" "Turn it off!" "Turn it off!" "Shh!" "Quiet!" "Turn it off!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "Shh!" "There's a man..." "Shh!" "There's a man sleeping in there." "Look, please, will ya stand still a minute?" "What'd ya tell me to do?" "I told you if you whistle, I'd turn it on." "You whistled, didn't ya?" "I had something else on my mind." "What'd you have on your mind?" "This washed it off." "Look, it's still leaking." "Here, take this here." "Take this!" "Don't stand there." "Blow!" "Blow!" "Blow!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "Blow!" "Blow!" "Blow!" "Shh." "Quiet!" "Shh." "The man's asleep." "Look, the trouble lies in this wall." "In here." "Yeah." "Try and locate it, will you please?" "I'll locate it, Eddie." "Okay." "Shh!" "Not so much noise!" "The man's in there asleep." "Shh." "Hold on to it!" "Hold on to it!" "Hold on to it!" "Put your hand on it!" "Hey!" "Go on." "Get that one over there!" "Excuse me!" "Excuse me!" "Get that one over there!" "Hurry up!" "That one over there!" "Come on." "Give me a hand.!" "Here!" "Push!" "Here!" "Put it..." "Put it..." "Come along!" "Come here." "Come here.!" "Come here.!" "Get in here.!" "Yeah, be right over there." "Come here.!" "Come here a minute.!" "Get in here.!" "Get in here!" "Get in here!" "Hold your head there." "Hold your head there!" "Hold it in there!" "Hold that!" "Everyone is so nice to me." "I'm afraid my pumpkin shell is going to change back into mice." "But please don't disappear at midnight." "I'd have to go all through that glass slipper routine to find you again." "Of course, if I knew your name, I could save a lot of time looking for you." "I'm Elsie Hammerdingle." "Look, I'm serious." "I'd like to see you again." "I'm not kidding." "My name is Elsie Hammerdingle and I drive a taxicab." "Okay, okay, so you're Elsie Hammerdingle." "I'll see you at the Winthrop weekend party, won't I?" "Well, I..." "You've gotta be there." "We'll drive out together." "I'll pick you up." "But I tell you, I'm a taxi driver." "Sure, sure, you're a taxi driver." "Who is that new girl dancing with Peter Evans?" "They're both dressed as taxi drivers." "Hmm?" "Looks like competition." "Well, what do I do now?" "Didn't you learn anything in that finishing school?" "I feel I'll never walk straight" "You got me so I just can't talk straight" "No bout adout it I mean, no doubt about it" "I'm in love with you" "I used to be most capable" "Of keeping a conversation" "I never ever faltered" "In my pronunciation" "My speech was quite as flawless as could be" "But what did ya do" "Yes, what did ya do to me" "No bout adout it I mean, no doubt about it" "I'm in love with you" "No bout adout it I mean, no doubt about it" "What I say is true" "You're driving me insane My talk's affected" "I jumble every line 'cause something in my brain" "Got disconnected when your lips connected with mine" "No fool, I'm feelin' I mean, no feel, I'm foolin'" "Like a kid of two" "I suv you lo much I mean, I love you so much" "What am I to do" "I feel I'll never walk straight" "You got me so I just can't talk straight" "No bout adout it I mean, no doubt about it" "I'm in love with you" "My train of thought won't clickity-clack" "It's had a terrific smack up" "You've gone and knocked it off of the track" "And I just can't get it back up" "I put my shoes on the pillow" "Go to sleep on the floor" "I wind up the cat Put out the clock" "And do things I never did before" "And ever since we met I prattle" "Like an itsy-bitsy baby with a rattle" "No fool I'm feelin' I mean, no feel, I'm foolin'" "Like a kid of two" "I suv you lo much I mean, I love you so much" "What am I to do" "I feel I'll never walk straight" "You got me so I just can't talk straight" "No bout adout it I mean, no doubt about it" "'Cause you're lavermous... marvelous Funderwul... wonderful" "I meely rean it I really mean it" "No bout adout it I mean, no doubt about it" "I'm in love" "With" "You" "What in the world are they doing in there?" "Run for the hills!" "The whole town is flooded!" "Help.!" "Help.!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Help!" "Help!" "I wouldn't write 'em any note." "I'd punch 'em in the nose." "I think this letter will do it." ""To the Atlas Plumbing Company." ""Sirs, your behavior last night was an outrageous exhibition." ""If you dare send us a bill, we will sue you for the damages you inflicted upon our home." ""Should we ever have plumbing trouble again and you appear upon our premises, we shall have you assaulted physically by our servants. "" "I'd still punch 'em in the nose." "A letter, Mrs. Van Cleve." "Thank you, Parker." "Oh, Henry, listen to this." ""Dear friends, I would be delighted to have you..." ""as my guests at Briarwood during the coming weekend." "I'm looking forward to seeing you again." "Your friend, Mrs. Roger Winthrop. "" "I'd still punch 'em in the nose." "Makes me furious when I think of what they did to our costume party." "Especially that little fat scoundrel." "This letter should be written in blood." "Their blood.!" "Parker, get this off to those plumbers immediately." "Very well." "Hey, Eddie!" "What?" "Oh, stop it." "What are you doing?" "Take it easy!" "Take it easy!" "You all right?" "What is this?" "That's an invite." ""Dear friends, I would be delighted to have you as my guests..." ""at Briarwood during the coming weekend." ""I am looking forward to seeing you again." "Your friend, Mrs. Roger Winthrop." "" Hey, this is our big chance." "Do you know those big estates up there have four and five bathrooms each?" "Four and five bathrooms?" "In one house?" "Certainly!" "Eddie, that's a lot of plumbing." "That's what I'm thinking of." "If we go up there and act as though we belong in society, we can get all that business." "We'd make a fortune." "You sure we'd make a fortune?" "Certainly!" "Then I can marry Elsie Hammerdingle." "Oh!" "Oh yes, Eddie!" "We made an agreement." "Ever since the day I made her a ring outta the gum wrapper and I... put it on her thumb." "Can you imagine me, Mr. Elsie Hammerdingle, the society plumber?" "We're really goin' places!" "Hello, boys." "Goin' somewhere?" "Yeah, we got an invitation to go to Mrs. Winthrop's." "But it's only for two, him and I." "How's the plumbing business?" "We manage to keep our head above water." "That's fine." "I dropped in to see you about that little loan I gave you." "Let me see." "It's $1,000, isn't it?" "Yes." "You just loaned it to us." "You'll have to give us a little time to pay it back." "Oh, that's all right." "I'm in no hurry." "I know it takes time to get a business going." "Meanwhile, I'd like you to do me a little favor." "Why, sure." "You boys don't wanna be plumbers all your lives." "Oh, no." "We hope someday to be electricians." "Your business takes you into some pretty rich homes." "There's a lot of valuable properties there worth a lot of money." "Wait a minute." "You wouldn't commit a crime, would you?" "Sure.!" "No thanks, Mr. Drexel." "We'll just keep on being plain, everyday plumbers." "I never told you fellows this, but I'm quite a fortune-teller." "I can see into the future." "I see two plumbers." "They're doing pretty good." "More competition." "Shh." "But they're double-crossing a friend of theirs who gave them their start." "That's what I call beyond grateful." "I have no use for those kind of people." "This friend of theirs is getting mad." "Now, he wants them to cooperate with him, or pay back the money he gave them." "He's giving them till 6:00 tonight to get it." "Suppose they can't get it by 6:00 tonight?" "Then I see two plumbers floating down the river, and one of them's a little fat guy." "What's the matter?" "The joke is on him." "Why?" "I can't swim." "Wait a minute." "There's only two things left to do." "Number one: we've gotta get $1,000 by 6:00." "Number two: if we don't, we've gotta get out of town." "We're in serious trouble." "No, we're not." "Wait a minute." "It's a lucky thing Mrs. Winthrop invited us to that weekend affair." "Drexel will never expect to find us there." "Come on." "Hey, Eddie." "Wait a minute, Eddie." "What?" "We just can't walk out on the shop like this." "Let's give it a thought for a second." "That's long enough." "Come on." "Let's go!" "Hello, Dan." "Oh, hello, Eddie." "How are you?" "Swell." "Where you bound for?" "We're gonna spend the weekend up at Briarwood." "Briarwood?" "Say, you can do me a favor." "Sure, Dan." "You've gotta pass Bagel Street, see?" "Where's Bagel Street?" "All you have to do is ask anybody." "It's on our way?" "It's on your way." "I want you to deliver these hats to the Susquehanna Hat Company." "They sent me straws instead of derbies." "That's simple enough." "Hey, Eddie.!" "It's about time you got here." "Why didn't ya wait for me?" "We're goin' up to Briarwood to spend the weekend." "And this guy..." "Does he go without me?" "Put your..." "Okay, Dan." "We'll take care of it." "Thank you ever so much." "How have you been?" "Good." "Keep an eye on the shop while we're gone." "I'll be glad to." "Hold those hats." "What are you doing with hats?" "You've gotta deliver these to the Susquehanna Hat Shop." "It's on Bagel Street." "Where's Bagel Street?" "I don't know." "We'll ask." "It's on our way there." "How much you say they are?" "$7.50 a piece." "How do I look with a seven-and-a-half-dollar hat on?" "Let me see." "Kind of spiffy." "Okay?" "Carry those." "But don't get it dirty." "Let's go." "Bagel Street, eh?" "We'll ask somebody." "Bagel Street." "Ask this fellow where Bagel Street is." "Can you tell me where Bagel Street is?" "Sorry, haven't got a dime." "Who's asking for money?" "I'm only asking where Bagel Street is." "Do I know where Bagel Street is?" "Of course I know!" "What do I look like, a dummy?" "Is there a tag on my lapel saying "I just came from Ellis Island?"" "Of course I know where Bagel Street is." "I was born and raised on Bagel Street." "My brother was born on Bagel Street." "Do you know my brother?" "I'm askin' you..." "Why should you go around talkin'about my brother?" "My brother was one of the finest boys that ever walked in shoe leather." "My brother was an honor student." "Say something nasty about my brother." "Say something like, he shouldn't get a parole." "I'm asking you where Bagel Street is, a common ordinary citizen asking where Bagel Street is." "I gotta deliver these hats to the Susquehanna Hat Company." "Susquehanna Hat Company!" "Leave go of me!" "Is that a Susquehanna hat?" "Yeah!" "You know who makes these?" "Child labor!" "I don't know..." "Little girls, 13, 14 years old with curls down to here!" "They work 13, 14 hours a day in a sweatshop!" "Here's what I think of a Susquehanna hat, and look at that band!" "Imitation leather, just like paper!" "And look at that!" "Seven-and-a-half dollars!" "Ow!" "So you put a wire in there for me to cut my finger!" "That's the worst thing I ever saw!" "Boy, the Susquehanna Hat Company!" "That's what I think of them!" "You know what that's gonna cost you, don't you?" "Give 'em back to Dan." "$7.50!" "You broke one of Dan's hats!" "All I did was put a hat on my head." "Did I ask the guy to take it off?" "That's enough." "It's the way you ask him." "You ask the next guy." "Come on." "Never mind." "Let's find Bagel Street." "Here, ask this lady where Bagel Street is." "Excuse me, lady." "Could you tell me where Bagel Street is?" "Bagel Street!" "Why did you have to remind me of Bagel Street?" "My husband was killed on Bagel Street!" "You hear?" "My husband was killed on Bagel Street!" "I don't understand this." "I wanna go to the Susquehanna Hat Company and..." "Susquehanna Hat Company?" "Is that a Susquehanna hat?" "That's the same kind of hat my husband was wearing when he was killed." "He wouldn't have lost his life if he'd have been wearing a good hat... when that safe fell out that 15-story building!" "But no!" "He was wearing a hat like this one!" "That's the cheapest grade of straw I ever saw!" "Oh!" "My husband's dead!" "He's dead.!" "He's dead.!" "He ain't dead, lady." "He's hiding!" "Now, listen!" "Just a minute." "That's two hats you've broken." "You know how much you owe Derby Dan?" "How much I owe Derby Dan now?" "Fifteen dollars." "Fifteen dollars." "And stop insulting women." "All I asked her is where was Bagel Street?" "Bagel Street!" "Bagel Street!" "Don't ever mention that name!" "It drives me crazy!" "Bagel Street!" "Oh!" "Wait a minute." "Hold that still!" "Give him back the hats!" "Take that box!" "Go down there and find out where Bagel Street is." "Hey, Eddie, how much do I owe Dan now?" "$22.50!" "I'm gonna try just one more." "Be careful with that one, will you, please?" "Wait, I've got an idea." "I'm gonna run back to our shop... and get some of those little business cards of ours." "We can give them away to those society people up in Briarwood." "Very good business idea." "But find out where Bagel Street is, please!" "Okay, I'll ask anybody." "I don't care." "Excuse me, mister." "Could you please tell me where Bagel Street is?" "Bagel Street?" "Don't ask me where Bagel Street is." "A terrible thing happened to me on Bagel Street." "I was walking along, minding my own business." "A safe fell from a 15-story building on my head... and killed me!" "A safe fell 15 floors, fell on your head and killed ya?" "Yes." "Then as long as you're dead, there's no use asking you where the Susquehanna Hat Company is." "Susquehanna hat!" "That's the hat I was wearing the day I was killed!" "And you ask me about..." "That's the kind of hat I was wearing!" "Oh, no!" "Eddie!" "And you asked me!" "You're asking me about..." "I'm so sorry." "I..." "I think I've broken your hat." "You think you've broken it?" "Yeah." "This is the fourth Susquehanna hat..." "Susquehanna hat..." "Hey!" "What's the matter here?" "What are you doing to my place?" "Hey, police!" "Help!" "Help!" "What's going on here?" "This big fellow is trying to kick the little fellow." "My friend!" "A tough guy?" "Come on!" "You can't take me to jail." "Oh, no?" "I'm dead." "You can't take me to jail!" "Oh, yes, we can." "Come on, my boy." "He's crazy!" "He's crazy." "What can I do for you, Albert?" "Luigi, how can I get to the Susquehanna Hat Company?" "Susquehanna!" "Susquehanna!" "Luigi, what's the matter?" "Susquehanna!" "Luigi!" "Luigi!" "Luigi!" "Luigi!" "No!" "Luigi.!" "No.!" "Luigi.!" "Luigi.!" "Luigi!" "What are you doin'?" " Luigi!" " Susquehanna!" "Oh!" "Oh." "Oh." "Beautiful out here, isn't it?" "Wonderful." "It would be heavenly if I could only get used to you driving." "Oh, I get it." "In the taxi business, you drive." "What is all this mystery about you?" "It's no mystery to me." "Here we go again." "You're Elsie Hammerdingle, queen of the cabbies." "Yet I met you at the Van Cleve costume ball." "It doesn't make sense." "Peter, how about letting it go at that?" "Just for this weekend." "That's all right with me." "Oh, you men are all alike, Eddie." "Oh!" "I clean and slave here eight hours a day and you guys bring in all the dust." "Oh, you men!" "Shush." "Shush." "My goodness, I never seen anything like this." "Take it easy now." "Eddie, this is the nicest thing you did for me today." "What's that?" "When you saved these hats for me." "Ah, sure." "Sure." "I think there's only one left in there." "Hey, Eddie." "Nice job." "I think I'll just try just one more on." "You can try one more." "But what excuse are we going to give to the Susquehanna Hat Shop?" "Susquehanna!" "Take it easy!" "This is a fine time to lay down!" "I wasn't laying down!" "Clean the place up." "Clean the place up!" "Sit down, Eddie." "Rest." "Sit down." "Rest." "Take it easy." "Susquehanna!" "I mean, I..." "Get it!" "Get it!" "Get it!" "I got it!" "I got it!" "Come on." "Get out of there." "Get out." "Get out." "Down this way." "Hey!" "Stop it!" "Oh, no!" "How are you, Pipps?" "Fine." "Thank you, sir." "And you?" "Fine." "Peter, I'm delighted." "The weekend wouldn't have been the same without you." "Now, run right to the pool." "Gloria is putting together a musical number for the lawn party this afternoon." "That's fine." "We'll go right over." ""We"?" "You know Elsie." "How do you do, my dear?" "I don't believe we've ever met." "Of course you met Elsie, at the Van Cleve costume ball." "Oh, one of their horsey set." "Well, any friend of Peter's is welcome to Briarwood." "Will you be quite comfortable?" "Oh, yes, your butler showed me to a lovely guest room." "How charming." "I do hope you'll enjoy your weekend." "Thank you." "Come on." "Let's find Gloria." "Rehearsin', rehearsin'" "Those sweet "I love you" phrases" "Rehearsin', rehearsin'" "On how to sing his praises" "Diggin' up new adjectives" "That ought to fill the bill" "Learnin' little "magictives"" "To give his heart a thrill" "Rehearsin', rehearsin'" "To make my kisses balance" "Reviewin', reviewin'" "My most romantic talent" "I've even learned gin rummy" "But I wish I knew the score" "'Cause he's the one in person" "I'm rehearsing' for" "Rehearsin', rehearsin'" "Been practicing'my crooning" "Rehearsin', rehearsin'" "The act of perfect swoonin'" "Gettin' set for golden tans and Sundays at the beach" "I'm even brushing'up on my holding'hands" "To keep you in my reach" "Rehearsin', rehearsin'" "To make my kisses balance" "Renewin', reviewin'" "My most romantic talents" "I hope my technique pleases" "He won't think that I'm a bore" "'Cause he's the one in person" "I'm rehearsing'for" "Peter!" "Hello, Gloria.!" "Now the weekend is a success." "Thanks for those kind words." "Elsie and I drove up together." "Elsie?" "You know Miss..." "Oh, of course." "You sang at the Van Cleve ball." "That's right." "You wore a cab driver's outfit." "It's certainly a relief to get out of that uniform." "I can't get over this place." "It's so beautiful." "I'm sure your estate is just as large." "No, we live over the grocery store." "Am I hearing things?" "Hallucinations." "She thinks she's a lady taxicab driver named Elsie Hammerdingle." "Not even a hyphen between the Hammer and the dingle." "What, no hyphen?" "That's just too, too whimsical." "But, if you care for that kind of humor, from now on I'll be Gussey Pumpernickel, lady janitor." "This way, gentlemen." "Uh, are you quite sure you've come to the right place?" "Oh, yes." "We have an invitation, mister." "Oh, you needn't call me mister." "I'm the butler." "Okay, Mr. Butler." "Here's the invitation." "She give it to us right there." "Yes." "Thank you." "Here's your room, gentlemen." "I hope you like it." "Like it?" "Who in the world wouldn't like this room?" "You mean this one room for the two of us?" "And another thing, who cut this bed in half?" "What's the matter?" "They're twin beds." "Will you keep quiet." "Do we look like twins?" "You have a very rigorous schedule here." "You bath at 10:00, brunch at 11:00, tea at 2:00." "I always have a very, very "ridgerous" schedule." "I always do." "I washbasin at 8:00." "And then I doughnut at 9:00." "I pinball machine at 10:00." "I hamburger and onions at 11:00 and then I bicarbonate of soda at 12:00." "That settles everything." "It sure does." "Pay no attention to my friend here." "He's very eccentric, but very wealthy." "If you'll pardon me, gentlemen, I'll be back in a moment." "Yeah, sure." "Say." "What's the matter?" "The Winthrop's, they're very fine people." "Why?" "Look at all the nice clothes they're lending us." "Well, let 'em think that we're used to it, you know." "Don't act surprised." "And remember your etiquette." "Etiquette?" "Etiquette." "You tryin' to tell me?" "You can't learn me nothin' like that." "You don't even know how to say the word." "Etiquette?" "No, "ah-tick-it-tee. " Etiquette!" "Ah-tick-it-tee!" "I said, etiquette!" "You don't have to tell me about all that stuff... because my mother told me the right road from the wrong road." "If my mother thought I was gonna do something wrong, she would always tell me." "Because I had the right kind of bringing up." "Gentlemen, your bath is drawn." "Erase it." "What?" "Rub it out!" "Shh, not so loud." "My friend is very humorous too." "You've got to take a bath!" "Quiet." "Not so loud!" "Right?" "Quite." "Right." "Sir, if I may start undressing you now." "You're gonna undress me?" "Yes, sir." "The last person that ever undressed me was my mother, and that was a year ago." "Ayear ago?" "You gotta start to learn to undress yourself... sometime or other by yourself, don't you?" "Right." "Quite." "Right." "Oh." "If you'll allow me, I'll take your coat." "Thank you." "Shall I?" "Give the man your coat." "Okay." "Okay." "No arguments needed." "Your tie, sir." "Handle this stuff very nicely." "Your tie, sir." "Don't fight." "Take it easy." "Give the man..." "Please, please, please!" "Don't fight me." "I'm not fighting, sir." "Give the man your tie!" "Take it off!" "All right, I'll give the guy..." "All right..." "Shh!" "Put 'em down!" "Shh, quiet!" "Will you tell him to put his hands down?" "Let me have your tie." "All right!" "Put your hands down!" "You don't have to fight about it." "Here." "Thank you." "There's nothing to it." "Thank you very much." "Now your shirt, sir." "My shirt?" "Yes." "I don't get it..." "Take it off!" "I know how to undress myself." "Nobody has to tell me." "Show the man you can do it." "I mean, I know..." "I know how to do this." "I'm sure you do." "Oh, take it off!" "All right, all right." "Take yours off too." "Your pants, sir." "Think they'll fit you?" "Take the pants off!" "Okay." "All right." "I mean, after all..." "Put your leg up, sir, will you?" "No, no." "Please, sir." "Just a minute." "Just a minute." "Just a minute." "All right, all right." "Take it easy." "There you are." "Get up on your feet." "Get up." "Okay." "Now..." "I think you're ready now, sir." "My "bawth" is ready?" "Yes, sir." "Um, I will go." "And I think I will return in a jiffy." "I dare say, a "fortnit. "" "Toodle-loo." "Oh, yes." "Mrs. Winthrop." "Yes?" "Something terrible has happened." "What's the matter?" "Our luggage has disappeared." "Vanished into the thin air." "I think it was misappropriated by one of your servants." "Impossible!" "I trust them all implicitly." "Why, they've been with me for years." "It couldn't be one of the guests." "No, out of the question." "That's absurd." "I'm sure your luggage was just misplaced." "I'll speak to Pipps." "Perhaps he can find some clothes for you for the time being." "Baron!" "Look!" "Look at that person." "He's wearing a blazer just like mine." "Who in the world is he?" "How do you do?" "How do you do?" "A "ridgerous" schedule, isn't it?" "Quite." "Quite." "Allow me to present Baron Sergei." "How do you do?" "No, not me." "There." "Baron Sergei." "And Count Alexis." "I don't believe I got your name." "Oh, of course not." "If you had my name, you would be my sister." "Good-bye." "Good-bye." "When I see Mrs. Winthrop, I will tell her about you." "But I'm Mrs. Winthrop." "All right." "When you see her, you tell her about me." "Thank you." "Toodle-loo." "Remarkable." "I wanna go to sleep" "I wanna go to sleep" "And dream" "That dream I had last night" "Well, what do you know He smiled at me in my dreams last night" "My dreams are gettin' better all the time" "And what do you know He looked at me in a different light" "My dreams are gettin' better all the time" "To think that we were strangers" "A couple of nights ago" "And though it's a dream I never dreamed he'd ever say hello" "Well, maybe tonight he'll hold me tight" "When the moonbeams shine" "My dreams are gettin' better all the time" "Music's playin' while we're swayin'" "To a lovely strain" "Lights are low" "And now I know" "Soon we'll meet again" "Well, what do you know He smiled at me in my dreams last night" "My dreams are gettin' better all the time" "And what do you know He looked at me in a different light" "My dreams are gettin' better all the time" "To think that we were strangers" "A couple of nights ago" "And though it's a dream I never dreamed he'd ever say hello" "Well, maybe tonight he'll hold me tight" "When the moonbeams shine" "My dreams are gettin' better better all the time" "Better and better and better all the time" "I wanna go to sleep" "I wanna sleep" "And dream" "There you are, Albert." "You know, you look swell." "What do ya think?" "Too much tie." "No, no, no, no." "That's swell." "Now let's go downstairs." "And be careful how you act at all times." "Never mind!" "Put that down!" "Albert!" "Eddie!" "Hello, Elsie." "What are you doing here?" "We were invited." "We got an invitation." "We're society plumbers." "How did you get here?" "It's all such a crazy thing." "I met Peter Evans at the Van Cleve party." "He thought I was one of the guests and offered to drive me out here." "But you're not one of the guests." "You must have told him a big fib." "I told him I was Elsie Hammerdingle, but he wouldn't believe me." "And I let him go on thinking that I belonged with these people." "But why?" "Because I wanted to come here." "I wanted this weekend to remember." "I know how you feel, Elsie." "I felt the same way when you and I went on those picnics." "I know as soon as they find out who I am, they'll throw me out, but in the meantime, I have this one memory to dream about for the rest of my life." "You love Peter Evans, don't you?" "He's spoiled me for every man I'll ever meet after this." "He's wonderful, ain't he?" "I guess you thought you were gonna get stuck with a little fat plumber." "Oh, come, come, come." "Look, Elsie, we'll do everything to help you out." "Yes." "I'm gonna try hard, Elsie." "We'll make these people think... we were the best brought-up society people they ever saw." "I'll put on the dog just for you, Elsie." "That a boy." "It's breaking my heart, but I'm gonna do it for Elsie." "That's swell." "Thanks, Albert." "You're the second-nicest boy I know." "Hmm." "Oh." "What's the matter?" "Eddie." "What?" "I'll never wash my face as long as I live." "Oh..." "Oh, come on." "Go ahead." "Oh, Eddie..." "Put your hat on." "Never mind that." "Don't rub it off!" "Don't rub it off!" "All right." "Pick your hat up." "Pick your hat up." "I'm sorry, gentlemen, that our clothes are not an exact fit." "I did my best, of course." "Look!" "Those men again." "Again their clothes look familiar." "Remarkable!" "Hey, Eddie." "Now what's wrong?" "I don't know what's wrong with this coat, but it seems like there's some starch up here." "Look it here." "Look at this!" "What's the matter?" "Now sit down and behave yourself!" "How do you do?" "How do you do?" "This is the first opportunity I've had to welcome you to Briarwood." "How do you do, Mrs. Briarwood?" "I'm not Mrs. Briarwood." "I'm Mrs. Winthrop." "This is Mrs. Winthrop." "Then you two have met before." "No, not him." "You, I have met." "You met me before?" "Yes." "Then we're old friends." "Of course, you know this party is for charity." "I'm selling tickets to view our rare, old family treasure, The Plunger." "I think that's a very good idea, don't you, Edward?" "Yes, yes." "What did you say?" "To view our rare, old family treasure, The Plunger." "The plunger?" "It's gonna cost money to look at a plunger?" "Why, of course." "Five dollars apiece." "Lady, are you gonna charge everybody here for that?" "Yes." "Get 'em all together in one group, and I got a plunger you can look at for nothin'." "Ah, but yours must be an imitation." "No, it's the real thing." "But my Plunger has been in the family 150 years." "150 years?" "Yes." "Don't you think it's about time you threw it out?" "Its exquisite coloring has never been surpassed." "It's worth $150,000." "Oh, it must be a beaut." "How many tickets will you have?" "It's worth its weight in gold." "This I gotta see, Eddie." "I wanna see this." "Yeah." "How much are the tickets?" "Five dollars apiece." "Very cheap." "Very cheap." "Say no more." "Pay the lady for the tickets." "Pay the lady.!" "You just put your hand in your pocket, but you never come out with nothin'." "Very eccentric." "Is that so?" "Pay the lady!" "All right!" "All right!" "Two tickets to see a plunger." "Thank you so much." "Just this way, gentlemen." "Yes, surely." "Oh, I don't seem to recall your names." "I'm Mr. Harrington." "This is, uh, Mr. Mansfield." "Of the Little Rock Mansfields." "Oh!" "How do you do?" "Take an arm?" "Right this way." "Of course." "I know you'll enjoy it immensely." "Get away from the tree!" "Pay no attention to him." "Peter, I've been looking all over for you." "Well, Miss Dinglehammer." "That's Hammerdingle." "Oh, of course, the lady cab driver." "Don't you think you ought to call your stand?" "You may have some fares." "I'm not working this weekend." "It seems to me you're working overtime." "Will you walk me to the unveiling, Peter?" "Certainly." "Come on, Elsie." "Pardon me, Mrs. Winthrop." "May I take your photograph with these two gentlemen for our society page?" "Why, of course, it's okay." "Go right ahead." "Don't forget to mention that next week we're having a sale on secondhand washers." "Thank you." "If they come out good, I'd like about a dozen." "Thank you." "Well, now, about to see the plunger." "The plunger, yes." "Let's see it." "I'm just about to unveil it." "A plunger with a veil?" "I don't know." "If you please." "The plunger." "What kind of plunger is that?" "That must be the bathroom door." "The plunger must be inside." "Don't you understand?" "That's the plunger there." "That's the plunger?" "That big guy standing up." "That's a painting or something." "That's a gambler." "Any man that gambles is a plunger." "Any man that gambles they call a plunger?" "If he gambles heavy." "Then it's just a painting." "That's all." "Expensive painting too." "How much that cost?" "$150,000." "You was cheated, Mrs. Winthrop." "What?" "I don't even see $100,000 worth of chips on the table." "Unless they got it in their pockets." "This is the place I'm looking for, isn't it?" "To be sure, sir." "My name is Drexel." "I'm a friend of Mr. Harrington and Mr. Mansfield." "What you mean is that Mrs. Winthrop invited Mr. Peter Evans for the weekend, he invited Miss Hammerdingle, she invited Mr. Harrington and Mr. Mansfield, and they in turn invited you." "Yes, we are a very hospitable group." "Drexel!" "Marlow!" "What are you doing here?" "I'm something of an art collector." "I understand there's a valuable painting here." "Oh, yeah, The Plunger." "The last time we met you were doing a stretch for collecting paintings without the owner's permission." "This time my work is purely as supervisor." "I've got two stooges on the inside." "All of a sudden, I'm an art collector too." "Count me in." "I'm your partner." "Save me.!" "Help.!" "Help.!" "Help.!" "Save me.!" "Save me.!" "Help.!" "Help.!" "Help!" "Hold on me, boy!" "Get up here." "Go ahead, kid." "I'm gonna sue you in every court in this world!" "What's the matter?" "Didn't I just save your life?" "Yeah, but where's my hat?" "What in the world is this?" "How do you like this guy?" "I just saved his life!" "You saved whose life?" "His." "Do you know this guy?" "No." "You had no license to go out after that man." "You gotta have a license to go save a guy?" "You want me to run downtown to the "brureau"... and say, "Gimme a license." "I want to save a man"?" "There's lifeguards." "They've got families." "Those families depend on the salaries those lifeguards earn... to jump in swimming pools and oceans and save people." "And you..." "As soon as their back is turned, you deliberately sneak into the pool and do the work for nothing!" "Don't ever do a thing like that!" "I'm sorry I saved you." "You should be sorry!" "Do you mind very much if I settle this argument?" "I wish you would." "You tell Eddie everything." "Thank you very much." "Well, that's better." "Wait!" "Wait!" "I'm gonna run down and get a license!" "I'll be right back!" "Wait there.!" "Keep out of people's business." "Mr. Drexel." "Eddie and Al, how are you?" "Glad to see ya." "You're not mad at us?" "Of course not." "I'm your pal." "What about the $1,000?" "Let's not talk about that now." "What are you doing here?" "I'm here on business." "Maybe you can help me." "Certainly." "There's a package I'd like you to carry home for me." "Sure." "He's the greatest package carrier." "I'd be glad to help." "What's in it?" "It might be a painting." "The Plunger?" "It could be." "Well, we won't help." "If you do anything like that, we'll expose you!" "You heard that, didn't you?" "You do anything like that and we'll turn the hose on you!" "I was just trying to test your honesty." "I'm glad you stand the test." "Run along and enjoy yourselves." "We stand all kind of tests." "Just keep testing us." "Test us." "Come on!" "What did they say?" "They said they'd expose me to Mrs. Winthrop if I try anything." "How are your knives these days?" "I still keep them sharp and handy." "Just this way, please." "Mrs. Winthrop asked me to bring you two gentlemen down here... so you could choose your mounts for the fox hunt." "Fox hunt?" "Oh, certainly." "What would a weekend be without a fox hunt?" "You know, last season all we shot was grouse." "Oh, and I bagged three of the "greese" myself." "Greese?" "Greese." "Greese is not plural." "It ain't "sinjular. "" "I mean, after all..." "Yes, indeed..." "Well, my good man, get me my mount." "And get me the biggest mount that you got." "What's a mount?" "A mount's a horse." "Hey!" "Don't..." "You..." "You can kill somebody with those." "Now, cut it out." "Hey, Eddie, are you gonna..." "What did ya do to Eddie?" "What did ya do to Eddie?" "Now, are you gonna help Drexel with the job?" "I won't give in, Eddie." "I won't give in." "With this last knife I'm gonna hit ya right in the head." "Wait a minute." "Every condemned man has a last request to make." "What's yours?" "Before you throw that last knife, will you please take your hat off?" "All right." "Thank you." "I don't want to see this." "Hey, did he get you?" "Yeah." "Where?" "In the belt." "Well, come on." "Pull up your pants, and let's get out ofhere." "Okay." "So sorry about your clothes, gentlemen." "Oh, it is nothing, madame." "Your butler did the best he could." "I'm afraid the fox will be ashamed to be pursued by us." "Good hunting, Peter." "Thank you, Gloria." "If we'd had more advance notice we could have arranged for a horse with a meter." "Take care of the plumbers?" "Don't worry about them." "I fixed it so they get the wildest animals in the stable." "Fine." "The little fat guy's horse is a killer." "Come on, Buck." "Giddyap, boy." "Come on, come on, come on." "Come on!" "Whoa!" "Whoa, boy!" "Whoa!" "Albert, I wonder why that groom... wanted us to ride those four-legged killers." "I don't know." "The 20 bucks certainly changed his mind." "It was my 20." "I know." "It's..." "What are you doing with the rope?" "That's my lasso." "When I see the fox, I'm gonna lasso him, and then I'll bulldoze him, and then I'll hog-tie him, and then I'm gonna brand him." "And if I like the fox real well, I'll make a watch fox of him." "Yoicks and away!" "Yoicks, Mr. Mansfield!" "Yoicks to you too!" "Albert!" "Albert!" "Oh, fox!" "Here, fox!" "Take it easy." "Take it easy." "Here, fox!" "Here, fox!" "Fox!" "Here, fox." "Here, fox!" "Here, fox." "Uh-oh, the fox." "Uh-oh, another bridge." "Take it easy!" "Eddie!" "Eddie!" "Hey, Eddie!" "Fox!" "Albert!" "Where are you, Albert?" "Whoa, Harry!" "Whoa!" "Get outta the way!" "Get outta the way!" "Get outta the way!" "Get outta the way!" "Hey, hey, come on!" "Come on!" "Outta the way.!" "Look out.!" "Look out.!" "Scatter.!" "Get outta the way!" "Get outta the way!" "Get outta the way.!" "Outta the way.!" "Hey." "Oh." "Kitten." "Remarkable." "Whenever I look at you" "The cloudiest sky is blue" "From nowhere the sun breaks through" "What a change in the weather" "Whenever your lips meet mine" "The stormiest day is fine" "Flowers bloom in the wintertime" "What a change in the weather" "You merely smile at me" "And robins sing" "A humdrum world" "Becomes" "A lovely thing" "Whenever the ill winds blow" "Whenever I'm feelin' low" "I think of your arms and, oh" "What a change in the weather" "What a change" "In my heart" "Whenever I look at you" "The cloudiest sky is blue" "From nowhere the sun breaks through" "What a change" "In the weather" "Whenever your lips meet mine" "The stormiest day is fine" "Flowers bloom in the wintertime" "What a change" "In the weather" "You merely smile at me" "And robins sing" "A humdrum world" "Becomes" "A lovely thing" "Whenever the ill winds blow" "Whenever I'm feelin' low" "I think of your arms and, oh" "What a change in the weather" "What a change" "In my heart" "Excuse me." "Sure." "Please, Mr. Osborne." "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my painful duty to announce... that my famous painting, The Plunger, has been stolen." "I know none of my guests could possibly be involved, but I must request you all to remain in this room until the police investigate." "Mother, I don't think any investigation will be necessary." "There's several suspicious strangers among us whom we accepted as guests... because they were Peter Evans's friends." "Those two men are a couple of plumbers, and that girl is a taxi driver." "They're here under false pretenses." "They're the criminals." " I don't believe it." " You're right." "But we know who the criminal is." "Mr. Drexel told us he was coming up here to steal your painting." "If I may interrupt, madame." "Mr. Drexel is a friend of these gentlemen." "Then they're all in it together." "Pipps, call the police." "Hey!" "Hey, look!" "It's Drexel and the chauffeur." "They're trying to escape!" "We gotta get 'em so we can clear Elsie!" "Right!" "Come on!" "Stop them!" "We can catch them with this fire truck." "Where's the fire?" "Come on, come on, come on, come on!" "Oh, boy!" "Follow that car!" "Hey, take it easy, chief." "This is my first ride in a fire truck." "Mine too, buddy!" "Whoopee!" "Step on it, Marlow." "I think that fire truck's following us." "Take it easy, chief." "Take it easy." "Get outta the way, everybody!" "Get outta the way!" "Get outta the way!" "Crowd 'em into the curb." "Turn around." "Let's head for Briarwood." "Keep your mind on the wheel!" "But I'm hungry." "He's crazy." "Get him!" "Come on!" "Get him!" "Throw him over!" "I took care of him." "Hey, he's over here!" "Wait!" "He's on the running board." "Don't do that!" "Finger!" "My finger!" "My finger!" "My..." "What was that?" "What was that?" "Here's your painting, Mrs. Winthrop." "You'll never know the time I had getting it back." "The time you had?" "It was me, Eddie." "Albert." " You and Eddie are heroes." "I want to apologize for accusing you." "You may be plumbers, but you're wonderful plumbers." "Thank goodness my Plunger is safe." "You still are a couple of thieves." "The clothes you have been wearing belongs to us." "They've wrecked The Plunger." "Hey, the guy on the left is cheating." "He is."