"Subtitle by peritta [laughter]" " All right?" " Yeah." "They always ask that strengths and weaknesses question." "I understand the strengths." "But I don't need to know." "I mean, I don't understand the weaknesses." "Like why would my inability to dance without getting an erection have anything to do with working at Baja Fresh." "Come on." "[laughter] Come on." " Come on." " Come on." "Show us your ween." "Come on, Rick." "[laughter]" " You're gonna do it, buddy." " Jeez." "Oh, thanks, buddy." "Oh, drinking on a Monday." "You guys have no idea what a job interview is." "[laughter]" "Women right in their fields." "Why?" "[laughter]" "Obama's in the news today." "Everybody's all, uh..." "I can't deal with this rowdy crowd again." "[laughter and cheers] [indistinct chatter]" "Fuck." "Holy shit!" "What?" "What?" "Hey, you can't be back here." " What are you doing?" " Okay, got you." "Sorry." "Um, I'm just gonna leave." "Uh..." " Are you okay?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Would you just tell Robert that I left?" "Just tell him I got sick or something." "Robert?" "You mean Bobby?" "Yeah, Bobby." "Just tell him I got sick." "Sick, okay." "There's a bathroom around the corner if you need it." "Feel like I'd always go where the commotion was, you know?" "Thanks, guys." "I'm outta here." "Get Bobby up here." "Come on now, Bob." "All right, let's give it up for Bob Galloway!" "[applause] Oh, yeah." "All right, all right, so coming up next, John." "John, is that you?" "John, get up here, you're next." "Come on." "All right, folks." "We got our next comic coming up." "This is his first time at the open mic." "I hope you guys are gonna be nice and gentle and kind to him." "He hasn't been here at the club before." "Greg tells me he's been up at the reservation many times, done extremely well, so I hope you give him a chance to do that here tonight." "Let's give it up for first-timer and a good friend of mine," "John Locklear!" "[applause]" "Here you go." "Have a good time." " Thank you, thank you." " Beth?" " Thank you, Bobby." " You done with this, babe?" "Uh, let's..." "let's hear it again for the last guy." "You want another one?" "Yeah?" "[applause]" "[shivering]" "It's freezing up here." "You guys got any blankets?" "[light laughter]" "Fool me once." "[indistinct chatter] Cool, cool, cool, um... [sighs] My name's John, but my family calls me Running Water 'cause I used to leave the sink on." "[laughter]" "Yeah." "Used to leave the sink on." "You guys are probably wondering why you never seen a Native American stand-up comedian before." "Because you killed 'em all." "Like my grandfather." "I tried to get a table here tonight." "I said, uh, "I'd like a reservation."" "And everything went totally normal with the hostess, and that was the end of that." "She was great." "[light laughter]" "It was probably my choice of words, you know?" "I should have known better." "Words are interesting." "You know, you guys have taken a lot of our words, right?" "All kinds of stuff, you know?" "And not just for automobiles, but for rivers, uh, street names, a bunch of your states." " Delaware, Massachusetts, Oregon." " Whoo!" "Actually "mesquite" and "Arizona"" "are both from two local tribes, yeah." "Beautiful and elegant words that you guys have borrowed from us to describe what is essentially this shithole." "[laughter and scattered applause]" " We got a Walmart, though." " Whoo." " It's a nice little upgrade." " There we go." "I have trouble with English sometimes." "It's, uh... did you know there are twice as many words in the English language than there are in any other language?" "So if it's not your first language, it can be a little tricky sometimes, you know?" "A little tricky to understand it." "Because in English, so many words have multiple meanings." "You can be saying one thing, and it could mean something else entirely." "You know, words like "treaty"?" "[scattered laughter]" "Obama's in the news today." "[humming "Star-Spangled Banner"]" "♪ ♪" "I heard there's a big drought around here." "Don't look at me." "I can't make it rain." "[light laughter]" "I wish I could help, though." "I wish I could help, you know?" "Global climate change." "Global climate change." "That's big in the news right now." "What did you guys do, man?" "What happened?" "That was fast." "You guys ever notice this?" "Newscasters don't talk too much about my people." "You guys ever have that problem?" "Too much else going on." "People finally starting to talk about black people getting murdered by police, though." "Yeah, good on them, man." "Heck, yeah." "Shit, we been there." "Give 'em hell, guys." "Seriously, give 'em hell." "I love that, though, you know?" "All it takes to getting you people together to get up and say something, to stand up against the authorities and intolerance, you know?" "That can cause real change." "Yeah." "Quick non sequitur." "Do you guys know where I can find a bunch of people that look like me?" "No?" "No biggie." "I tell you what, though." "That slavery thing really worked out for you guys." "Huh?" "Yeah." "All things considered." "[chuckles]" "You know, sometimes I wish we could have just been slaves." "Shit, we might have had a president by now." "You don't see that in Tyler Perry movies, huh?" ""Mom, where's Grandpa?"" ""Oh, he just died at the bar from alcohol poisoning." "That'll be one less for dinner." "Call Red Lobster."" "He was sitting right over there." "I'll lay off you guys for a bit, man." "Uh, anybody got a big family?" "Anybody here got a big family?" " Yeah." " Yeah!" "Yeah." "I got one brother, and he's adopted." "He's still my brother." "But he's been going through a lot of stuff." "Most recently, you know, just him and his dad, a lot of things going on, man." "Like, he had this whole money thing." "You know, all that shit." "He had to get out of town, wanted to move in with me." "You know, became one of those things, is he gonna live out of his boat?" "So of course I took him in." "But he's been living in my apartment for three years now." "This guy doesn't clean, throws his trash all over the place, you know." "Try to be a good host and put on a face." "Now he's bringing people over, parties all week long." "[cheers and applause]" "All the time." "Man, it's loud." "Fucking fireworks, all that shit." "Shooting off guns." "I'm serious." "Now he's fucking with the neighbors." "This guy is the worst." "Fucking nightmare roommate." "God." "Seriously, if any of you guys are Christians, take him in, please." "Take him off my hands, seriously." "His kids practically run the place now." "But the worst part about it is he gave my small pox and now I'm living in the garage." "And he killed all my buffalo." "No?" "I like that one." "You guys hear the one about the Native guy that drank too much Earl Grey?" "He drowned in his tea pee." "[scattered laughter]" "His tea pee." "How much time do I got?" "Two minutes." "Okay, cool." "Uh, did you guys hear about the Native man that drank himself to death?" "Happens every day." "Makes up for 12% of our deaths." "Be sure and tip your waitresses." "Yeah, drink up." "I have this dreamcatcher in my room." "I don't really believe in a lot of that stuff, but... but I got one." "I keep having this dream that... that I'm young, but I feel old." "And I'm stuck in this classroom listening to everybody, except everyone has this rope tied around their ears and their eyes, and they're all shouting at each other." "They're all following each other around in this... this weird circle." "For some reason... for some reason, I'm at the front of the classroom." "And nobody can hear anything, but... but I'm trying to help them, and..." "But they just..." "I don't know." "Anyway, I don't know why I just remembered that." "Listen, we got a lot more comedy coming up tonight." "Um, please stick around." "We're... fuck, where..." "Rob... where's Robert?" "Bobby?" "Where's Robert?" "Hey." "Thank you, Robert." "Thank you." "My name's John." "You guys have a good night." " Thanks, thanks." " John Locklear!" "Let him know!" "Fuck yeah, dude!" "[clapping]" "Whoo!" "Yeah!" "All right, hey, uh, moving right along, uh, we got some more comics and our headliner tonight," "Dan Perrault, which rhymes with "an assault,"" "which is why we haven't seen Dan for a while." " Get a better lawyer next time." " Whoo." " All right, so we're gonna..." " Whoo." "[indistinct chatter] [twangy music]" "♪ ♪ [indistinct chatter]" "♪ ♪" "Sorry." "One's going in." "How much you want on it?" "[indistinct chatter] [crickets chirping]" " Hey." " Ah." " I'm sorry, honey." " It's fine." "How did you do?" "Uh, one guy really liked it." "I..." "I think I'm gonna come back tomorrow." "I think I'm a stand-up comic." "That's great, honey." "[engine turns over]" "[engine revving]" "Subtitle by peritta"