"Nagima?" "Sabine, please don't hang up." "Why are you calling from Nagima's mobile?" "She's doing the housework." "I don't want to talk to you." "Are you okay?" "Yes, I'm fine." "But I don't want to talk to you." "Yes." "Please don't call me." "I don't understand." "What?" "I don't really understand." "What are you talking about?" "I don't know." "Can I call you later?" "Theo, this is tiresome." "Tomorrow?" "Stop it, please." "Nagima's doing the housework." "There's still some of your things." "What things?" "I found a hair clip." "Promise you won't try to call me." "And in the kitchen there's some bits of paper." "I'm going to hang up." "I can hear the birds." "I'll collect them when I can, okay?" "Hello?" "Take care." "Mum?" "It's me." "Listen, did I leave my wedding ring?" "Yes, my wedding ring." "Could you go and look?" "Yes, I'll wait." "Here's your boarding card." "You board at 10 at gate A." "Thank you." " You're welcome." "Yes?" "Where was it?" "Perhaps, but that's so stupid." "No, you don't need to send it." "Mum, it's not necessary." "Mum!" "Love you too." "Hello Jeanne?" "It's me." "I wanted to say goodbye." "I'm at the airport." "I'm so stupid." "I left my wedding ring at my mum's." "Yes!" "is Elias at school?" "Give him a kiss from me." "I didn't manage to say goodbye." "And tell him I'm very sad to have to go." "Take care." "See you soon." "I'm far too warmly dressed." "Why, where are you going?" "Montreal." "And you?" "San Francisco." "How cold is it in Montreal?" "I don't know." "Colder than here." "But it'll be day there, won't it?" " Yes." "What do you do in San Francisco?" " l'm a music producer." "You produce music, really?" "That happens to me too." "What is it?" "Mum, you're mad." "I don't need it." "Just think of the cost!" "What for?" "I don't care." "Mum, I'm getting on the plane." "Yes, bye." "My mother." "is your mother still alive?" "Of course." "It isn't obvious." "It is to me." "I didn't even call her." "She doesn't even know I'm here." "What if you'd met her?" "You mean by chance?" " Yes." "I don't know." "I can't imagine." "It would have been stupid." "It would have hurt her." "Well..." "Have a good flight." "Yes." "Theo, you're not answering." "I just wanted to say I don't regret my decision." "It's Vincent." "I've just left you a message on your mobile." "I just wanted to tell you that I don't regret my decision." "Theo, is that you?" "No." "Anyway, you don't need to worry about me." "And I'm proud that..." "No, proud isn't the right word." "Theo?" "Alright." "I was just... I was just a bit confused." "But that's not an accusation." "I'll call again." "Bye." "It's me." "I said yes." "I know." "No, I haven't signed, but I'm going to sign." "Of course I know what I'm doing." "Carry on sleeping." "At 13.45." "Yes, bye." "Arsehole." "How much time have you got?" "What do you mean?" "When does your flight leave?" " 10.40." "And yours?" " 11.05." "Where's your coat?" "Shit!" "Shit." "Damn!" "Hello, excuse me, I've lost my coat." "Where's lost and found please?" "First corridor on the left." " Thanks." "is it gone?" " Yes." "I went to lost and found." "Someone took it." "Perhaps you'll get it back." "I doubt it." "Now I'll come home without a coat." "I'm sorry." "is someone picking you up?" "No, no one." "How can I help you?" "I could leave my own coat here, if you like." "Juliette." "Vincent." "It's somehow humiliating to lose your coat." "You didn't watch out, that's all." "Yes, but I need it." "Would you prefer to have had your mobile stolen?" "No, but I could understand that better." "How can anyone steal a coat?" "It's obvious that someone will come and look for it." "It's awful to think we're surrounded by such people." "It was probably just one person." "I thought I'd put my mobile in my coat, but it's here." "I think the pockets were empty." "I was so hot." "Yes, I remember." "What do you do in Canada?" "Nothing in particular." "My husband's Canadian." "Nothing in particular." "That's a wide field." "What would be something in particular?" "Before I got married I had a restaurant." "There were two of us." "We owned it." "For three years it went well at times, not so well at others." "We worked like horses." "I was done in." "And we got more and more into debt." "Where was it?" "In the 20th." "Yes, but where exactly?" "Rue de la Bidassoa." "It was called Rose." "It was lovely." "But the money was a nightmare." "Do you still have debts?" "No, I sold my share and got ripped off." "My mother paid the rest." "It's weird." "My mother has enough money, not a fortune, but she can do what she likes." "And she still plays the lottery." "Two weeks before I arrived she won 611 euros." "She was over the moon." "And in her euphoria she said," ""Not counting the 8,000 I lent you."" "She really thinks like that." "I know her." "And that night, lying in bed, I realised she wanted me to pay her the 8,000 back." "But she doesn't need the money." "Shame I never went to your restaurant." "Yes, it's a shame." "But you know what I mean?" "About my mother?" "I think so." "I'm her only child." "She has no one but me." "What does it matter if she lent me 8,000 euros?" "is that why you went to Montreal?" "Because you were so done in?" "No." "I would never have left on my own." "I didn't want to leave." "But I didn't want to not leave." "And I was curious." "I was afraid of missing something." "I understand." "A few weeks before Joseph went back to Canada he asked me to marry him." "For a while it looked to me as if he'd planned not to return to Canada without a wife." "But then I was ashamed at such a thought." "I told myself it couldn't be so banal." "He didn't push me." "He asked me to think about it, and I did." "I didn't think I had all that much time." "Joseph is..." "My husband." "Didn't you want to see Montreal first?" "Montreal is lovely." "Do you know it?" "No." "I know Toronto." "Toronto is completely different." "No, I didn't want to see it first." "My husband is a psychoanalyst." "He was doing a practical in a clinic here." "We met in Go Sport." "I wanted to buy one of those... pool noodles for the son of my best friend." "But he had them all under his arm." "I asked him for one and he said I should choose." "My son almost drowned with one of those pool noodles." "Your son?" " Yes." "He was two and a half." "It was summer." "We were at a pool." "We were about to leave." "But then we stood around talking and didn't pay any attention to him." "He must have been playing with the thing, and it fell into the water and so did he." "But he was too small to hold onto it." "When we remembered him we saw him floundering under the water. lt was terrible." "When you remembered him?" "Yes." "We had obviously forgotten him." "I could never understand it." "It can't have been for very long." "No, just a short moment." "The funny thing is, his mother and I... were never as close as in that moment." "As if we were one person." "That was the shock, wasn't it?" "I don't know." "I was terribly ashamed." "I had the feeling I didn't deserve my happiness, and that all of life was pure chance." "My son's called Louis." "I have a photo of him, but I couldn't find it just now." "He lives with his mother." "In San Francisco?" "No, here." "We never lived together." "It's been driving me mad that I can't find the photo." "Oh, I know!" "Of course!" "I've been using it as a bookmark." "That's him." "My best friend's son is called Elias." "It was so difficult to find a name for him." "Giving a child a name seems hard." " Yes." "Thanks." "Do you think a man or a woman stole my coat?" "No idea." "Perhaps it's hanging in an office somewhere." "What kind of office?" " l don't know." "Sometimes you don't know what happens." "But what kind of office do you think?" "Here at the airport." "You can never be sure of anything." "Perhaps it's hanging in a cupboard somewhere." "And then?" "Nothing." "Here." " Thank you." "Thank you." "Here." "Why did they leave the lid open?" "Take yourjacket off." "You're all stuck in." "Are you getting ill?" "Are you getting ill?" "Feels like it." "Have you got any medicine?" "Why should I have any?" "When was the last time you spoke to Dad?" "Yesterday." "What do you mean?" "No, the last time was the 5th of October." "Just after his operation." "That's about six months ago." "So why yesterday?" "I dreamed about him yesterday." "He was sitting on the windowsill, in front of the apple tree that was almost growing into the kitchen, and he said..." "Shut up." " He said," ""l know you have a name." "Tell me."" "He was very young, very tall, and I said..." " Come on!" ""l'm Agatha the Goose."" "Now why did I say that?" "is it from a fairytale?" "Damn." "Damn it!" "Where's the case?" " l haven't got it any more." "Can I buy one?" "Do we have enough time?" "Have you got money?" " Yes." "Are you staying here?" "Look, you can unfasten it like this." "You whack it and give it a pull and then refill." "is that so difficult?" "Anyone would think you'd only been here two days." "When are you going to catch on?" "And that one's even easier." "You just press a button." "What's your gate?" "62." "How long were you here?" "Just two days." "You were almost as long on the plane." "Yes, I'm worn out." "Perhaps you'll be able to sleep on the plane. - l hope so." "I didn't even see my son." "I'll be glad to come back." "I've decided to come back to Paris." "Definitely." "You mean for good?" "To live here, yes." "When did you take this decision?" "During these two days." "I came to talk about an offer." "And I decided to accept." "That means you're coming back." "Yes." "When?" "I don't know exactly, but soon." "In a month or two." "Great!" " Why?" "I think you've made the right decision." "How do you know?" "I don't know..." "Because your son's here, and your mother too." "Because it's good to be where you belong, where you're at home, where..." "Where what?" "I don't know..." "Where you're happy." "Do you come back often?" "I didn't in the beginning." "Only once a year." "But now I come back every three or four months." "I always find an excuse." "I know myself better now, you see." "It's horrible to know yourself." "It can be really horrible." "I have so much time to think..." "Joseph says I never finish a sentence. lt makes him nervous." "But when I do finish one he's disappointed, and I am too." "What do you think about?" "I have the feeling that..." "When you meet someone you meet yourself." "It's dreadful, because... it doesn't have anything to do with whether the other person loves you or not." "The important thing is that the other person enables you to love yourself." "Damn, I was supposed to bring Joseph a particular medicine, but I couldn't find it." "I could have tried to look here, but..." "So you're coming back to work here." "Yes." "I'll be taking over a relatively large company." "That means you're happy." "Happy..." "Actually I'm exhausted." "So was it a difficult decision?" "Yes." "I feel..." "How can I put it?" "Like after an important decision." "The company belongs to an old friend." "We founded it together." "But he wants to stop." "Why?" "Because he's ill." "He hasn't got long to live." "is he old?" "No." "He's twelve years older than me." "Does he have a family?" "He hasn't got any children." "A wife younger than him who's really beautiful." "His name's Theo." "He's Belgian." "is he a good friend?" "I thought so then." "But I think he doesn't have any friends." "When I left he thought it was because I didn't like what we were doing." "Not at all." "I thought it was fine." "He just didn't need me for it." "And what will he do now?" "I asked him the same question and he said, "Read and die."" "What's the company called?" "Excubo Now." "That's easy to remember." "Can I find you there?" "I'm just going to the loo." "Will you watch our things?" "May I?" " Yes." "Shall we go?" "If you like." "Can I take a look?" " Yes." "What a bitch!" "What's wrong?" " Have you changed your shoes?" "Yes, the other ones were hurting me." "I don't know why I bought them." "Must have been mad." "Doesn't matter now." "These are much more comfortable." "What exams do you have?" "I forgot to ask you." "What exams do you have before Easter?" "Before the Easter break we have Latin," "Greek..." "The day after tomorrow physics." "We're back the day after tomorrow." " l know." "What time do we arrive?" "Where?" " When we get back." "Tomorrow at 22.15." " Why so late?" "What does it matter?" " l thought we'd arrive earlier." "Who cares?" "And anyway I told you." " No, you didn't tell me anything." "Of course I told you." "Calm down." "Anyway we can't change it now." "But I didn't know." "And what's the difference?" " l just didn't know, that's all." "I thought I'd have the evening at home." "To do what?" "Nothing." "I just assumed something different." "Now we go back and..." "And what?" " Nothing." "Come on, what?" " Nothing." "I'd just like to have known earlier." "You're impossible!" "Why do I come with you at all?" "Can you tell me?" "Have I been to a funeral before?" "No." "As a child, you mean?" "I don't think so." "Didn't anyone die in our family, or the people we knew?" "Yes, Granddad." "But you didn't go." "How old was I?" " Three or four." "But you went?" "Of course I went." "Did Granddad know me?" "Of course." "Have you forgotten everything?" "Seems so." "I was in love then." " What?" "When you were four I fell in love." "What are you listening to?" " Shouldn't I?" "Did you hear what I said?" " l think so." "With a young man." "You were four and in kindergarten." "I slept with him and wanted to give him my number, but I gave him your father's." "Why?" "By accident." "Dad's number?" " Yes." "Are you sure?" " Yes." "I had no idea and I waited for ages." "Then one day in autumn, months later," "you were playing on the lawn in the garden." "You were trying to cut the grass with scissors." "I was watching you through the sitting-room window." "With your children's scissors you were trying to cut the blades of grass one by one." "And your father told me that this man had called him." "I asked him when and he said a long time ago." "He'd been wanting to tell me for ages, but every time he forgot." "Because... because..." " Because what?" "Because he couldn't have known how important it was to me." "Or perhaps he did know." "But I couldn't ask him." "I didn't know what he knew." "In any case he never told me, and then it was too late." "I never saw that man again." "Why do you say "that man"?" "What do you want me to say?" " Didn't he have a name?" "Sure." "And why was I cutting the grass?" "You don't believe me?" " Why shouldn't I?" "Because you keep asking why this and why that." "If he had a name and why you were cutting the grass." "I don't know." "Because it smelt good, because it was fun." "The scissors were new." "Who knows?" "is it important?" " Perhaps." "Perhaps?" "If it isn't important, why are you telling me?" "I was talking about something different." "I wanted to tell you something quite different." "I've never told anyone." "And now it's over." " Yes." "Dad's dead." "What?" " Yes." "What's that got to do with it?" " lt doesn't matter now." "To whom?" "Dad or me?" "Dad." "Yes." "Now he's dead." "But I wasn't talking about that." "Please put your baggage here." "Here you are." "You have to go to departure lounge A." "Over there." " Thank you." "Goodbye." "Have a good journey." "Hello." "Thank you." "Please put your baggage here." "We have to take the bike." "You'll get it back after the flight, love." "Goodbye, thank you." "Please hurry." "You have to board." " Yes, we'll hurry." "Remember that bike you used to have, the red one?" "Yes." " A racing bike." "How long ago was that, two years?" "Maybe." "I wonder where it is?" "In the cellar." "Why?" "In the cellar?" "Why don't you ride it any more?" "I don't need a bike." "I see." "You don't need a bike." "Apart from that it's a racing bike, and you need to feel like riding it." "And one fine day you didn't any more." " No." "But perhaps I'll feel like it again." "I wondered were it had got to." "It was expensive." "I know." "You bought it for me because Dad moved out." "Otherwise you'd never have bought it." "You were paying damages." "Damages?" " Yes." "Pretium doloris." "Payment for pain." "Well, you rode it a lot." "For a time at any rate." "All summer." "With that friend... lt also means a price." "For pain caused." "What was his name again?" "Moritz." " Yes." "The one who moved." "His father was a soldier." "Yes?" "A soldier?" " Yes." "A professional?" "High ranking." "An officer." "But Moritz hated uniforms." "And then he disappeared." "He didn't want to move." "He had to, because his father was transferred." "How long was he there?" "It wasn't very long." " No." "He was nice." "He wasn't a monster like some in your class." "He was more delicate." "What was his surname?" "Kaminski." "I liked him." " l got that." "What?" "It's true." "I don't often..." "We were at the canal, the whole summer." "On the Left Bank almost every day." "And one day it rained." "All of a sudden Moritz and me were alone." "We went to the rowing club for shelter." "We were soaking wet, we were trembling with cold." "And we looked at each other, then we took our clothes off and fucked." "Hello?" "Yes." "Yes." "As a text." "No, as a text." "Yes, sure." "No, but I sent you one." "Do you always take him with you?" "No, I'm taking him to the vet." "is he ill?" "I don't know." "So why to the vet?" "I don't know." "I'm supposed to drive him there." "So why don't you?" "I was on my way, but then you stopped me." "You didn't have to stop." "It's not a big detour." "Will you wait for him there?" "Yes, I'm supposed to wait for him." "I see." "I wouldn't have stopped for a man." "Really?" " No." "A man might have called my boss." "I'm not allowed to do that." "To transport dogs?" "I have to take the shortest route." "And a man might have told on you?" "No, I just wouldn't have stopped." "But you looked tired." "So you stopped out of pity?" "I suppose so." "I braked as soon as I saw you." "I could have taken the next taxi." "Have a good journey." " Thank you." "Where were you?" "At the newsstand." "There aren't any animals here." "I think there are." "They transport animals too." "Perhaps." "But there aren't any here." "What kind of animals do you mean?" "Do you think they transport large animals?" "Giraffes?" "No, cows or horses." "I think so." "But how?" "In the cargo bay?" "Why would you transport a cow?" "I mean, where to?" "But horses." "Famous racehorses." "To international tournaments." "Shall I find out for you?" " Please." "What's the advantage of knowing?" "Nothing. I'm just interested." "You know what we don't have?" "Sagrotan." "So buy some." "Can you?" "Do you want anything else?" "No thanks." "5.99 please." "Thank you." "Here you are." "Have a good day." " Thank you." "Hello." "4.70 please." "Thank you." "Goodbye." "Are they for now or for later?" "This is really funny." ""With a sudden smile, which changed the lines of her cheeks and lips, and even the light in her eyes, she offered him her hand." "'Ah Mr Guido!" "'" "The first name hurt." "Only recently she had greeted me with my last name." "I studied this Mr Guido more closely." "He was dressed with particular elegance." "His right hand, which bore a glove, carried a stick with a long ivory handle that I wouldn't have carried if I'd been paid to do so." "I wouldn't have been wrong in seeing in him a danger for Ada."" "Hang on." ""His name was Guido Speier." "My smile relaxed, because I saw an opportunity to ask him something that would be embarrassing to any Italian." "'Are you German?" "'" "He admitted politely that from his name anyone would think him German." "Yet his family documents proved that they had been Italian for many centuries." "He spoke Tuscan with great clarity and naturalness, while we, Ada and I, couldn't get rid of our dreadful dialect."" "Do you want my iPod?" "Carry on reading." "It's difficult to read aloud." "The bit you thought was funny." ""When he raised his hat I could see the brown, somewhat curly hair that covered his whole head, while my forehead covered the greater part of my skull."" "I'll see where we have to go." "Thank you." "Someone threw a bag into the bin under the sink." "Did you see it?" "Yes." "Can I see your hand baggage please?" "Hello." "Fred?" "Yes." "is it alright?" "is the flight full?" " No." "Okay." "Here's your boarding card." "11 o'clock, departure lounge A." "Goodbye." "Where have you been?" "It says gate 33." "It's in the other hall." "Shall we go?" "If you want." "We still have time." "Have you still got any photos on your display?" "Only the ones from yesterday." "I sent the others, because the memory was full." "Show me." "Do you like them?" "You mean, do I like you?" "I don't know what I mean." "I know it's me in the photos." "Or did you photograph the steps?" "Why are you laughing?" "The steps." "Well I can go away next time." "Take a picture of the baby." "Are you crazy?" " Why?" "I can't just take a picture of the baby." "I can ask her." "No." "But I want to remember." " Stop it." "Are you embarrassed?" "It's obtrusive." "Thank you." "Shall I take your photograph?" "If you like." "You don't want any photos I take of you." "Come on, let's go." "Do you want any more?" "What gate is it?" " 33." "Shall I put it in mine?" "The coke's made me sick." "Sabine, my love," "After I rang you, I went to a bar on St. Sulpice and had a coffee." "I was hungry, but afraid of eating alone." "Whenever the door opened I looked to the entrance." "As if I were waiting for God in person." "But only average people came in." "No one particularly beautiful, and a few very ugly specimens." "An old man was sitting a few tables away." "Really old, with white hair and a bent back." "Gaunt, and very tall." "His long, carefully positioned legs didn't fit under the table." "On one of his fingers, I can't remember which, but they were also very long, he wore a heavy signet ring." "I thought that it wasn't about whether God exists or not, but that God is here among us, observing everything." "But he can't intervene in events." "It's impossible to intervene." "We're driven by something, and no one can help." "Then I saw that God wasn't alone." "To his right sat a young woman, of your age," "or a little younger." "She had something soft and happy about her." "She was talking to him brightly." "He was listening." "Sometimes he nodded or laughed, without ever losing sight of the room and the people in it." "She was really lovely." "Her skin was pale and perfect." "But it was a paleness that would easily brown in summer." "Her face itself was inconspicuous, without make-up, even ordinary," "but so tender and pure of expression that you could recover your faith there." "Due to unforeseen circumstances all flights are being suspended and the airport evacuated." "All persons in the terminal are required to proceed to the exits on the ground floor." "She didn't notice me." "I didn't mind time passing." "And this morbid exhaustion that has clouded my senses since you left me turned into an unfamiliar sense of abandon." "When they paid and left I followed them." "They walked very slowly." "If he had fallen she wouldn't have been able to catch him." "But perhaps she knew that he wouldn't fall with her at his side." "Every now and then she looked back at me, as if she knew about me and was reassuring herself of my presence." "Then they reached a building, their destination." "She entered the code and seconds later they disappeared." "I sat on an opposite wall, behind which a path led down to the Seine." "Much later, when no one was left on the street, the door opened again." "The girl went out of the building and came straight up to me." ""He asked me to tell you he doesn't receive guests anymore." "He hasn't given interviews for a long time and never gives autographs." "This isn't going to change," she said, without annoyance, but without a smile either, seriously bringing to an end the task she seemed to have." "The old man," "God, whoever, doesn't give interviews." "This didn't surprise me." ""l saw you from my room up there."" "She pointed to a window on the fourth floor." ""Will you leave now?"" ""No." "If you don't mind, I'll stay here."" "And I said," ""l can't leave now."" "She looked down for a moment, but she didn't go away." "Later, much later, with the first light of dawn" "she asked me who I was." "Who was I, my love?" "Who am I?" "Theo." "What's your name?" "Oda Handstein." "is there anyone at home?" "I don't know." "But I have the keys." "Where were you going?"