"School day, school day, teacher's golden ru..." "Ah, damn it!" "My little brother's trying to follow me to school, again." "Ee gko zeeponanner." "Ike, you can't come to school with me." "Yeah, go home you little dildo." "Dude, don't call my brother a dildo!" " What's a dildo?" " Well, I don't know... and I'll bet Cartman doesn't know either." "I know what it means!" " Well, what?" " I'm not telling you." "What's a dildo Kenny?" "It's a giant stick that goes inside the mom's vagina" "Yeah, that's what Kyle's little brother is all right!" "Dude!" "That kicks ass!" "Yeah, check this one out." "Ready, Ike?" "Kick the baby!" "Don't kick the baby." "Kick the baby." "Whoa, Cartman, looks like you didn't get much sleep last night." "Oh, dude." "That's 'cause I was having these... bogus nightmares." "Really?" "What about?" "Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed... in the dark." "When all of a sudden this bright blue light filled the room" "Then slowly my bedroom door began to open and the next thing I remember, I was being drug through a hallway." "Then I was lying on a table and these scary aliens wanted to operate on me." "And they had big heads and big black eyes..." " Dude!" "Visitors!" " Totally!" " What?" " That wasn't a dream Cartman, those were visitors!" "No, it was just a dream, my mom said so." "Visitors are real." "Yeah, they abduct people and they mutilate cows." " Oh, shut up guys!" "You're just trying to make me scared." "And it's not working." " Hello there, children." " Hey, Chef." "What's gonna be for lunch today Chef?" "Well, today it's Salisbury steak with buttered noodles and a choice of green bean casserole... or vegetable medley." "Kick ass." "Say, did any of you children see the alien spaceship last night?" " Huh." " Yeah, fat boy saw it!" "Eh, no, that, that was just a dream... and I'm not fat, I'm big boned." "Oh, was it the ones with the big long heads and the black eyes?" "Oh!" "They took him on their ship." "Oh!" "Did they give you an anal probe?" "What's an anal probe?" "That's when they put a big metal hooba-jube up yo' butt." "Whoa, they gave you an anal probe Cartman?" "No!" "Uh-I mean, eh, why would they do that?" "Dude, they did, huh?" "Aliens stuck stuff up your ass!" " No!" " Eneh probe" "Shut-up dildo!" "Well, I gotta get to the cafeteria." "You children watch that fat boy now." "He could be under alien control." "We told you they were real Cartman." "Sorry to hear about your ass." "God damn it, they didn't do anything to my ass." "It was just a dream." " Why are you walkin' so funny Cartman?" " Shut up!" " On foo bo phenenuh bebe." " No, Ike, go home." " This is it, this ones for the game." " Purplor." "Kick the baby!" "Good one!" "Good morning, Miss Crabtree." "Sit down!" "We're runnin' late!" " Damn it, he's still there." " Oh, don't worry about him." "No, dude, if something happens to him, my parents are gonna blame me." "SIT DOWN BACK THERE!" "AAAAAAAAAAA!" " Ike!" "Go home!" " I SAID SIT DOOWWN!" " Yeah, whatever ya fat bitch!" " What did you say?" "I said I have a bad itch." "Huh!" "Oh my god!" "Visitors!" "Ike!" "Stop the bus!" "Miss Crabtree, you have to stop this bus!" " Sit down, kid!" " But I have to get off!" " Do you want an office referral?" " No." " Then sit down!" " But I..." " Aaaah!" " Ahhhh!" "Cartman, are those the same visitors you saw?" "Shut up, you guys." "It's not working." "I'm in big trouble, you guys!" "We have to do something!" "Well, we can't do anything for now, that fat bitch won't let us." "WHAT DID YOY SAAAY?" "Uh, I said that rabbits eat lettuce." "Oh." "Well, yes, they certainly do." "What am I going to do?" "My little brother's been abducted by aliens." "You farted." "Somebody's baking brownies." "This is the third cow this month." "At this rate all of my cattle are gonna die before the winter's through." "This is nothing out of the unusual." "Cows turn themselves inside out all the time." "People's been saying they've been seeing UFO's around." "UFO's?" "Yeah, and black army CIA helicopters and trucks, like there's some kind of government cover-up going on." "That is the silliest thing I've ever heard." " What was that?" " That, that was a pigeon." "What am I supposed to do, Barbrady?" "Just stand here and watch my cattle get mutilated one by one." "Hey!" "My cattle!" "Well, that's just great!" "You see, there is somethin' funny goin' on!" "There's nothing funny going on." "I'll get those cows back." "And now children, our friend, Mr. Hat, is going to tell us about Christopher Columbus." "That's right, Mr. Garrison." "Christopher Columbus discovered America and was the Indians' best friend." "He helped the Indians win their war against Fredrick Douglass and a freed the Hebrews from Napoleon and discovered France..." "Oh, man." "I can't just sit here, I have to help my stupid brother, or I'll come home without him and my dad will start yelling," ""Where's your brother, Kyle?"" ""You weren't looking out for your little brother, Kyle?"..." "Okay, okay, let's ditch school and go find him." ""You know he can't think on his own, Kyle!"" ""Brush and floss, Kyle!"" ""Where has that finger been, Kyle?"" "Is there a problem, boys?" "Yes, Mr. Garrison, I have to go now." "Oh, really, Kyle?" "What is it this time?" "Another prostate tumor?" "No, my little brother's been abducted by aliens." "It's true!" "Ask Cartman, they gave him an anal probe." "Heh, heh, that's a, that's, that's a little joke." "Heh, heh." "Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go." "Can I please be excused from class?" "I don't know, Kyle." "Did you ask Mr. Hat?" "I don't want to ask Mr. Hat, I'm asking you!" "Oh I think you should ask Mr. Hat." "Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class?" "Well, Kyle." "No!" "Nono, No!" "I'm Mr. Hat and you're, you're a little turd!" "You hear me?" "You go to hell!" "You go to hell and you die!" "Hmm, guess you'll have to take your seat, Kyle." "Damn it!" "Ok Mr. Hat, Why don't we talk to the children about Columbus' uterus?" "Mr. Hat?" "Oh great, now Mr. Hat's all pissed off!" " Fuck Mr. Hat" " No no no, Fuck you!" "Hey, you cows can't get on this train!" "This is a people train." "You cows have no business on a people train, all right?" "'Cause you're cows." "No, no, no." "Don't try any of that cow hypnosis on me, alright?" "It's not gonna work." "Hold it right there, cows!" "Come back here!" "Now then!" "UUuuhh, I sure am hungry." "'Ello gentlemen, any of you blokes know what's for lunch today?" "Lunchy munchies, hmmm?" "Go away Pip, nobody likes you!" "Yeh, what kind of name is Pip anyway?" "Well, my father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Phillip, my infant tongue..." "God Damnit, would you shut the hell up!" "Nobody gives a rat's ass." " Yeh, go away Pip." " Right-o." " Dah, French people piss me off." " Hey, look, there's Wendy Testaburger." " Where?" "Stan wants to kiss Wendy Testaburger." "Shut-up, fat ass, I don't even like her." "I'm not fat... and you obviously like her because you throw up every time she talks to you." "I do not." "Guys!" "If I don't get Ike back from the visitors, my parents are gonna disown me." "How can you even think of anything else?" " Hello, there, children." " Hey, Chef." " How are you doing?" " Bad." "Why bad?" "Chef, have you ever had something happen to you, but nobody believed you?" "Oh, children, children, that's a problem we've all had to face at some time or another." "Here, let me sing you a little song." "It might clear things up." "I'm gonna make love to ya woman gonna lay you down by the fire" "And caress your womanly body make ya moan and perspire" "Gonna" "Uh, Chef  get those juices flowin'..." "Chef!" "we're makin' love gravy" "Chef!" "CHEEEEF!" "Huh?" " Now, do you feel better?" " No!" "Oh, come on children, what could be so bad?" "It's Salisbury steak day." "Visitors took Kyle's baby brother." "What?" "What the hell do you think you're doing in school eating' Salisbury steak?" "Go find him damn it!" "Our teacher won't let us out of school." "He thinks we're making it up." "You are making it up." "You can pretend you're sick." "They'll send you home if you're sick." "Nurse McSchwartz won't send you home unless you have a fever!" "Uhuh-a fever." "Uuuuuh hold on now hold on now." "Uhyouyouyou gotta help the children." "You guys sure are going a long ways to try and scare me." "I want my Salisbury steak!" "Okay." "Okay." "Just... each of you eat one of these." "They're Chef's special extra-hot tamales." "They'll raise your temperature long enough to get you all out of school." "Rad!" "Killer!" "Thanks, Chef." "Just be careful with those, now." "They'll make you breathe fire!" "Are you quite sure it's safe?" "Yeah, it's just a slide, Pip." "Don't be a wuss." "Ohoho dear, I cracked me noggin'." "Heh-heh." "Good one, dumb-ass." "Yeah." "Why not give it another go, mate?" "Heh-heh." "Ohoho." "I must flee..." "to the nurse's office." " Goddamn, I hate that kid!" " Okay." "You eat your hot tamale first, Kyle." " No way, dude, you go first." " He's your brother!" "Okay." "Here goes..." "Hey Stan." "Here comes Wendy Testaburger." "What?" "Where?" " Hi, guys." " Hi Wendy." "Here, Stan." "This is for you." "Bye, Wendy." " Dude, what does the note say?" " Holy crap!" "It says she wants to meet me at Stark's Pond after school." "Whoa!" "Maybe you can kiss her." "Or slip her the tongue." "Or look at the cat on her feet, then touch her." "What?" "How do you know she has a cat?" "I get it." "What are you girls doing?" "Oh, sonofabitch, the fifth graders." "Uuuuh." "We're about to eat tamales." "Give 'em to me!" "You don't want them." "They're really hot." "Well, then I wanna see the fat kid eat 'em all." " Go on, fatty, eat 'em." " I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!" " Eat 'em all." " He doesn't have to." "Do it, or else we'll beat up your friends." "Wow, I guess you don't have a choice, fat boy." " Ah dude, weak." " Go on, kid." "Look at him?" "That's funny!" "Why don't you guys pick on somebody else?" "Why don't you make us, shrimp?" "You guys." "I don't feel so good" "Come on, guys, let's beat these little runts silly." "Ow, my ass" "Damn, Cartman." "Hey, wu-what's the matter with him?" " Oh 'scuse me-ooww, my aaaaas-aw!" " Dude, he's farting fire!" "Let's get outta here!" "Good job, Cartman!" "Huh." "Eh." "Yeah, that's right, I'm pretty tough, huh?" "Goddammit!" "Hey, wait a minute." "This is our lucky break." "...And I hit me head... on the concrete." "Oh, it's not that bad." "You just need a little antiseptic." "Nurse McSchwartz, our friend is really sick." "We have to take him home." "Weell, why don't ya get up on the table." "Oh, bother." "I do hate to see another child in pain." "Shut up, Pip." "Young man, we do not say 'shut up' in school." "Are you sure you're not fakin'?" "You know your friends Stan and Kyle pretend to be sick a lot." "Hey!" "This time it's different." "Our friend is really sick." "Weell, I'll take his temperature and see if he has a fever." "Oh!" "That's it!" "You boys get back to class and stop wasting my time, or I'm gonna write an office referral." " Ow, my ass!" " Oh my God!" " 'Scuse me." " We told you!" "Woll, What the hell is wrong with you?" "Oh, nothing." "He's just shooting balls of fire out his ass." "So, can we get out of school and take him home now?" "Yes." "Yes." "Just get him the hell away from me!" "Oh, dear." "I do hope he'll be okay." " Shut up, Pip." " Right-o." "We got out of school!" "No more school today, we got out of school..." "Oh, you guys, my ass, seriously..." "Okay, Cartman, we got out of school, you can stop farting fire now." "I would if I could you son of a bitch!" "Okay, so how do we get my little brother back?" "Would you stop going on about your little brother?" "I know it was just a dream, I know I didn't have an anal probe, and I know that I'm not under alien control!" "I love to sing-a!" "About the moon-a and June-a and the spring-a" "I love to sing-a about a sky of blue-a or a tea or a two-a ..." "What the hell was that?" "He is under alien control." "Cartman is linked up to the visitors!" "Ah, son of a bitch!" "You guys, shut up!" "I'm not under alien control." "Hey!" "If you visitors can hear me,... bring me back my little brother god damn it!" "Ow!" "That hurts you buttlicker!" "Kyle, look!" "It's them." "Give me back my brother!" " Oh my god!" "They've killed Kenny!" " You bastards!" "Come back here!" "Come back!" "Damn it, we were so close!" "Hey look, I think Kenny's okay." "Don't worry, I'm alright." "Ahhhh!" "Nope, I'm fine." "Ah!" "Wow, poor Kenny." "Now do you believe us Cartman?" "No!" " Didn't you see the UFO?" " No!" " Cartman, they killed Kenny!" " He's not dead." " Dude, Kenny is dead!" "See?" " Shut-up you guys." "He's dead, Cartman." "God damn it, I didn't have an anal probe!" "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home." " Go on and go home you fat chicken!" " Dildo!" "You're all I have left Stan." "Sorry, dude, I gotta go meet Wendy Testaburger." "You can't!" "Poor Ike must be so scared... up there all alone." "You gotta help me dude!" "Dude, like Chef says, I've gotta get a piece of lovin' while the gettin's hot." "Thanks a lot, dildo!" "Rats" " Hello, Eric" " Hi, mom!" " How are you doing?" " Well, I'm pissed off!" "Here, I made you powdered donut pancake surprise." "I don't want powdered donut pancake surprise." "All the kids at school call me fat!" " You're not fat, you're big boned." " That's what I said." "You can have an insy weensy bit, can't you?" "No!" " Just a weensy insy woo woo?" " No!" "Leave me alone, mom!" "Okay." "How about a nice chocolate chicken pot pie, then?" "What?" "Well, that does sound pretty good." " Uh, mom?" " Yes, hon?" "If anybody calls or comes over, I'm not here, okay?" "Sure, hon." "You want some cheesy poofs, too?" "Yeah, I want cheesy poofs." "Well, it looks like she's not going to show up Stan." "Let's go look for the visitors, now." "But her note said she'd be here." "Hi, Stan." "You can't talk to Stan Wendy." "He throws up when you do." "But why Stan?" "Look, can you guys just get down to business so we can go find my little brother." "Just make sweet love down by the fire." "What happened to your little brother?" "No, kitty, this is mah pot pie." "No kitty, get back kitty" "No kitty it's mah pot pie!" "Mom!" "Kitty's being a dildo!" "Well, then I know a certain kitty kitty who's sleeping with mommy tonight." "What?" "... Now I have to go home without him and my parents are going to have me killed." "Well, why don't you go get the fat kid?" "What?" "Well, it's obvious that the fat kid has something implanted in his ass, and it's linked to the visitors somehow." "Maybe you can use him as bait to get 'em back." "Hey." "You're right, Wendy." "Come on, Stan, we have to go get Cartman." "Come on, Stan." "Hey, wait, when do I get to make sweet love?" "No, kitty, you can't have any!" "No, kitty, this is mah pot pie." "Bad kitty!" "Eh, 'scuse me, Kitty." " Eric, look who's here." " Dude, weak mom." "Come on Eric, we're going to go play at the bus stop." "I can't, my mom says..." "That's okay, Eric, I think you need to spend time with your little friends." "But mom, I don't want to spend time with my little friends." "Don't be difficult, Eric!" "Now you go out and play in the fun snow." "Oh, god damn it!" "You guys, I have to get home." "Don't be such afraid cat, Cartman." "This rope will make sure they can't take you on board again." "Oh, man, this sucks." "How come the visitors aren't coming for him." "I think we have to signal them somehow." "Hey, he's like Rudolph." "Yeah, all you have to do is fart some more, Cartman!" "And the visitors are sure to come!" "Really?" "Uh, I don't think I have to fart anymore tonight." " Sure you do!" " Come on Cartman, fart!" "I don't wanna." " He can't hold it in forever." " Fart, damn you!" "Come on, you guys, it's supper time!" "I bet my mom is worried sick." "Wait a minute." "Something's missing." "Oh yeah, the gravy." "Untie me." "Well, looks like they're not gonna come, Kyle." " What is that?" "!" " Ah, son of a bitch!" " Aw, it's just Chef in his Town and Country." " What's goin' on, children?" "We're trying to lure the visitors back, but it's not working." "I'll never see my little brother again!" "Wwaaaaa!" "There there, Kyle." "Can I offer you some advice?" "Sure." "I'm gonna make love to ya woman gonna lay you down by the fire..." "Chef!" "We need help signaling the aliens." "Oh, right." "Ey!" "Alien visitor-people!" "Down here!" "Come on now!" "Nice juicy fat kid!" "Goddammit, I'm not fat!" "Come on, visitors." "You can give him another anal probe." "Okay, that's does it!" "Now listen!" "Why is it that everything today has involvedthings either going in or coming out of my ass?" "!" "I'm sick of it!" "It's completely immature." " Oh, God-dammit!" " I'm gettin the hell outta here!" "What the...?" "I tell you, there are some crazy stuff going on in this town." "You can say that again, Mr. Garrison." "Come down here you stinking aliens!" "Go on, Kyle, ask 'em for your little brother back." "Visitors, this morning you took my little brother, Ike." "He's the little freckled kid that looks like a football." "At first, I was happy you took him away." "But I've learned something today." "That having a little brother..." "is a pretty special thing." "Ah, heck, Mr. Visitors, I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world, but if you could find it in your hearts or whatever you have, to give my brother back to me, it sure would make my life brighter again." " That was beautiful, dude." " Did it work?" "No, they're leaving." "Hey, you scrawny ass shithead, what the fuck is wrong with you?" "You must be some kind of fucking asshole to be able to ignore a crying child!" "Whoa, dude!" "You know what you assholes like, you like to **** and **** and **** and **** and ****!" "Hey Wendy, what's a ****?" "Help me doy tair." "Ike, jump down, now!" "For the love of God, Ike, jump!" "Please Kyle, don't harm me." "I promise I'll be nice to you Ike!" "I won't even kick the baby!" "It's my turn!" "You guys, get me down from here!" "Ow!" "Help!" "Sons o'bitches!" "Dildos!" " Phew, I'm sure glad that's over with." " Yeah." "Boy, am I glad to see you, Ike." "Oh, he fly out of the sky." "Come on, Ike, we can make it just in time for dinner." " Thanks for your help, Wendy." " Whatever, dude." " Hey, I didn't throw up." " Cool!" " Sorry." " Hey, look." "A french fry." " Cool." " And what is that?" " I think it's part of a cheesy poof." " Hey, what's that?" "That's... a hamburger from..." "that's from, like, two days ago." "Gee, the bus'll be here any minute, and Cartman still isn't around." "Yeh, we're running out of friends." " Hi guys, what's goin' on?" " Oh." "Hey Kenny." " Heyy-you're looking pretty good, Kenny." " Thanks!" "I just want you boys to know that absolutely nothing out of the ordinary happened here in South Park last night." "We know about the visitors, Officer Barbrady." "You don't have to cover them up to us." "Visitors?" "Huhuhuh." "That's a hoot!" "Say, you guys haven't seen a herd of cattle around here, have you?" "No." "Did you ask those people over there?" "Yeah, they didn't know anything." "Take care, boys." "Okay, bye." "Dude!" "Ike, you can't come to school with me!" "I'm not going through all that again." "He seems to be his normal self." "Yeah." "You know, I still can't believe how upset I was when I thought he might be gone for good." " Ready, Ike?" "Kick the baby!" " Don't kick the baby." "Kick the baby!" "What the?" "Ungh." "Now, who would kick a baby through my window?" "Oh, hey Cartman." "Wow Cartman, the visitors dropped you off just in time to go to school." " Aah-feel like-uh so weak, dude." " What a grand adventure this has been." "God bless us, every one." "That's it." "Soon as I can walk again, I'm gonna kick that kid's ass!"