" I hate you." " Like I care." " [Grunts] - [Man] We're back in three, two..." "# Ooh #" "I'll tell you what I'd like to stuff:" "My knuckles up her nose." "Miles, don't let her push your buttons." "She's not worth it." "You're right." "My life is complicated enough." "The last thing I need is more drama." "Hey, Miley." "Hello, Drama." "# Come on" "# You get the limo out front" "# Hot styles, every shoe, every color" "# Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun" "# It's really you but no one ever discovers" "# Who would have thought that a girl like me" "# Would double as a superstar" "# You get the best of both worlds" "# Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show" "# You get the best of both worlds" "# Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds # [laughs]" "# Ooh, whoa #" "Jake." "What a surprise." "Wow." " Awkward!" " Anyhoo why don't we, um..." " Uh..." "Um... [stammers]" " Go inside?" "That could work." "Come in." "Let's talk." "Oh, man, he wants to get back together with me." "Don't you dare leave me alone with him." "Why would I leave my sister when she and her ex are gonna talk about relationships and feelings and blabadee-blabadee-blech!" "You two kids have fun." "Hi." " You look great." " Oh, boy." " Listen, Miley, I, uh..." " I know, I know." "You haven't been able to forget about me, your life feels empty without me, you see my face everywhere you look and you've come back to say..." "I just want to be friends." "Big blonde sack of drama say what?" "I've been thinking about it, and because things didn't work out doesn't mean we can't still be in each other's lives." "So... you're not into me at all?" "Not even a little?" "It's only been a couple of months." "What are you, made of stone?" "Miley, if this is too hard for you I can..." "Me?" "Oh. [scoffs] Are you kidding?" "I was worried about you." "I mean, this is so great." " I..." "I would love to be friends." " [Sighs]" "Oh, yeah." "This is..." "This is great." "Great?" "It's perfect." "Whoa!" "Looks like somebody got up on the wrong side of the hamster wheel this morning." "The water's out at my house and I haven't showered in two days." "So?" "We're guys." "We're not supposed to shower every day." "That's what magazine cologne samples are for." "Or car air fresheners." "Put a couple of these in your pockets and you're good for four to six weeks." "Oh, like you've never done it." "Here, dude, try this." "Eww!" "What kind of cologne is this?" "It's not." "I spilled pickle juice on it an hour ago. [laughs]" " You just got powned." " Powned!" " [Laughs] Yeah!" " You think this is funny?" "Yeah." "Hence the laughter." "Dude, get over it." "It's only two days." "I wish." "The plumber said our water's gonna be out for at least a week." " What am I gonna do?" " Grow up." "Release your inner man stink." "Easy for you to say." "I'll bet you guys free hotdogs for a month that you guys can't go without showering or changing clothes until they turn my water back on." " [Stammers] Free..." "...hot dogs?" "Oh!" "You are so on!" "It's gonna be like taking candy from a stanky baby." "Now, wait." "Wait." "If we lose, what do you get?" "The satisfaction of looking at you guys and saying... [cackling]" "[Coughing]" "Did I mention I haven't brushed my teeth either?" "Yeah, we kind of figured that out." " I think I got some in my mouth." " Oh, gross." "Oh, gross." "And we're back on Wake Up, It's Wendy, with former zombie slayer and current teen screen sensation, Jake Ryan." "[Cheering]" "That's right." "Isn't he just yummy?" "Isn't he, isn't he?" "He is." "So, Jake, you're back in town." "You're here to shoot scenes from your new movie," "Roger Bucks:" "Intergalactic Bounty Hunter." "Ooh!" "You better set your phasers on fun!" "[laughs]" "Tell us all about it." "Right?" "Tell us." "Tell us!" " [Audience] Tell us." "Tell us." " OK." "All right." "Well..." "First, I'm really glad to have a few days in LA before we go to Antarctica to do the rest of the movie." " Oh." " It gives me a chance to spend time" " with some really good friends." " You hear that?" "Great friends." "[Chuckles] That's me." "There is no way you and Heartbreak Jake can be friends." "Yes, we can." "You know what?" "Being friends is the best thing that's ever happened to us." "We can finally hang out without any of that relationship junk." "It's so simple." "No more insecurity or anger or jealousy." "Uh-huh." "And I'm so excited to introduce the intergalactic alien babe that I'll be kissing for the next eight weeks." "Put your hands together for my beautiful co-star, Mikayla!" " [Wendy screams]" " What?" "# Yeah, yeah #" "Well, that's our show for today." "We're gonna see you tomorrow when your alarm clocks will ring and say..." " [all] "Wake up, it's Wendy!"" " Buh-bye." "And we're out." " Thank you so much for having us." " Oh, you're welcome." "Yes, you are!" "Oh, yes, you are!" "Wendy, you don't have to yell, we're right here." "Oh, I know!" "It takes me 20 minutes after every show to stop talking like this!" "It does, it really does!" "Hey." "So, what did you think?" "You were great." "That big announcement, boy, was that great and... and big." "Didn't see that one coming." "I thought about asking, you know, Hannah Montana to play my love interest, but I didn't want to do anything that might risk the new friendship." "Little late for that, buddy boy." "So you went with Mikayla instead of asking me because you didn't want to risk our friendship?" "Exactly." "I mean, you know, how awkward would that be?" "The alien babe and I kiss from one end of the universe to the other." "I mean, it's like every single scene is kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss..." "I got it." "Miley, you're not jealous, are you?" "Are you kidding?" "[scoffs] I'm happy for you!" "Friend. [chuckles]" "Pal." " Amigo!" " Ow." "Ow." "You get any happier you're gonna break my arm." "Hey, Jake." "And I know who you are." " You do?" " Of course." " You're Jake's ex-girlfriend." " Right." " We've never met or anything." " Or worked together or anything." " Lilly!" " Well, you haven't." "Excuse me, Mr. Ryan." "A couple of guys from the crew were wondering if they could get a picture with you." "Well, I'm not gonna say no to that." "I just want you to know how amazing I think you are." " Really?" " Of course." "I could never watch my ex-boyfriend macking on a girl and stay friends." "Well, it's true, I am amazing." "And it's just a movie, right?" "Oh, I sure hope not." "I mean, come on, he's beyond cute." "I can't believe you dumped him." "Yep." "She's just a little dumpster." "So you're really into him?" "Are you kidding?" "I'm working on our celebrity couple names." "Right now, it's between "Jakayla" and "Mikake." [chuckles]" "Too bad you're not old enough for, uh, Donald Trump." "You could be "Old MikDonald." [laughs]" "[Laughter]" "Hey, you're funny!" "Man, it's too bad you're not famous too." "We could've been good friends." "[Whispers] No!" "It had to be Mikayla?" "Relax, so what if she's into him." "He may not even like her." "Are you kidding?" "Two months in Antarctica." "You're cold." "You're lonely." "And your snuggle options are between a penguin and her." "Do the math." " So go warn him." " I can't." "If I tell him that I hate Mikayla, he'll just think it's because I'm jealous." "But you do hate her and you are jealous." " I am not jealous!" " Oh!" "I am his friend." "And as his friend, it's my job to get Mikayla fired off that set before they start sharing mukluks in Antarctica." "Please tell me your plan doesn't involve me." "Oh, boy!" "Come on." "[TVplays]" "Here's your lunch, boy." "Come on, this is stupid." "Can't I come back in the house now?" "No way." "You smell worse than that week-old sardine Uncle Earl found in his fat fold when he was looking for the remote." "Oh, come on." "It's just a little man funk!" "What are you afraid of?" "Poor little guy, flew right through the stank zone." "# Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh #" "Oh, hey, guys." "Hey, thanks for coming by." "No problem." "We wanted to wish you luck on your first day, 'cause, you know, that is what friends do." "They're there for each other, they support each other..." " So where's Mikayla?" " Uh, in makeup." "Why?" "Oh, we just wanted to wish her luck." "Not like we're here to get her fired or anything." "That's..." "That's crazy talk 'cause..." "Well, good luck." "Break a leg." "Got to go." "Bye. [chuckles]" " You stink under pressure." " Then stop putting me under pressure." "Listen, you flunky, Mikayla demanded extra cashews in her trail mix." "And if there isn't a boatload of curvy nuts in her dressing room pronto, you're gonna be looking for a new alien babe, OK?" " I don't like cashews." " [Whispers] I know, but I do." " Mikayla, hi." " Oh, great." "Little fans. [chuckles]" "Security!" "I thought this was a closed set!" "Uh, it's OK, Margot." "These are Jake's friends." "Oh, hi!" " It's so nice to meet you!" "Oh!" " [Grunts]" " [phone rings]" " Oh." "What?" "Listen, mister, we had a contract and it is legally binding." "If I get home and your bedroom is not clean, you can forget about allowance." "[Makes kissing sounds] OK, bye-bye." "So guys, what do you think of my costume?" "Don't I look fabulous?" "Ooh, and check this out." "[Distorted] Kiss me, Roger Bucks, as if the fate of the galaxy depends on it." "Because it does. [chuckles]" "That is so cool." "You know who would like that?" "Johnny Depp." " Yeah, and he's right outside." " What?" "We were just talking to him and he said he really wanted to meet you." " He did?" " He did!" " He did?" " He did!" "Come on, let's go!" "Say hi to Johnny for me." "Johnny?" " Wait, he's not out here." " Huh." "Too bad." " See you, sucker." " [Laughs]" "Phase one complete." "[In robot voice] Commencing phase two." "[Coughing]" "Hey, consider yourselves lucky." "At least you can run away from it." "That's close enough!" " Hey, you showered!" " You're clean!" " We won!" "Yeah!" " Yeah, baby!" "Whoo!" "No!" "Congratulations!" "Have a hot dog." "Ah, the first of many." "So, Rico, when did your water go back on?" " It was never off." " What?" "And now, thanks to your man stink," "I'm the only sweet-smelling guy within miles of this place." "And you're happy about that because..." "Excuse me." "I'm looking for the photo shoot." "Oh, the one for the swimsuit calendar?" " Let me walk you over." " Oh, girls, it's this way." " [Mumbles indistinctly]" " Thanks." "You are so cute." "Oh, you set us up." "It was like taking candy from two stanky babies." "Shall we?" " Hey, ladies." "Come back." "I'm a Taurus." " Oliver." "Very good to meet you. [grunts]" "# Ooh, yeah Whoa, whoa #" " Are you sure this is gonna work?" " It will." "As soon as I'm done being Mikayla, she's gonna be Mik-fired." "Ooh, so evil." "It's like you really are Mikayla." "[Distorted] Thank you. [laughs]" "Oh, wow, Mikayla, you look great." "[Distorted] That makes one of us." "What?" "[Distorted] And I have to kiss you." "Well, I guess that's why they call it "acting."" "Look, I know you're nervous, but it would help if you'd stop slamming me." "[Distorted] It would help me if you were better looking." " OK, seriously..." " OK, kids, now in this scene, you have just discovered Lord Zordac's cloning chamber, OK?" "It's tense, it's romantic, and I know they're not real, but these little bug-eyed things are kind of giving me the heebie-jeebies." "[Groans]" "OK, let's shoot this sucker and get out of here, OK?" "And... action." "We've got two minutes to destroy these clones." "But don't worry, Roger Bucks has a plan." "[Distorted] I hope it includes an acting coach." "That was pitiful." "Cut!" "What?" "# Yeah, yeah # [director] And... action." "We may never get out of here, so let me say this and say it quick." "I don't care if your mother was a rainbow trout..." " [phone rings] - [Distorted] Hold that thought." "Oh, I got to take this." " I'm not busy." "What's going on, girl?" " [Director] Cut!" "OK, quick!" "Throw me the flumium crystals." "[Distorted] You got hands." "Get them yourself." " What?" " [Director] Cut!" "What is wrong with you?" "Those aren't the lines." "[Distorted] They're better than the garbage in this script." "Who wrote this, a monkey with a computer?" "[Fake laughs] I wrote it." "[Distorted] Would've been better with the monkey. [monkey sounds]" "Mikayla, sweetheart." "What are you doing?" "I told you, don't act like a jerk until your second movie." "[Distorted] Then what's your excuse?" "Oh, yeah." "I went there." " [Coughs]" " Mikayla." "Mikayla!" "Listen, pop star, one more of your little diva moves and you're gonna be off this movie." "[Distorted] Good to know." "What are you doing?" "Whoa!" "Hey!" "Turn it off!" "[Distorted] Turn it up?" "OK." "[Yells]" "[Distorted] Oh, off!" "[Grunts] I want her fired!" "[Distorted] Took you long enough." "Get your hands off me!" "I'm the star of this movie!" "No." "No." "No." "No. [grunting]" "[Gasps]" "Don't listen to her!" "She's a... a real alien!" "[gasps]" " I told you I'm bad at this." " What?" "Mikayla?" " Yeah." " Miley?" "[Distorted] Oh, sweet niblets." "# Ooh #" "Mile, you must have known Jake was gonna find out sooner or later." "What in the world were you thinking?" "That Mikayla would get fired, no one would believe her story and Jake would spend two months snuggling with a penguin in Antarctica." "I had to ask." "Dad, I'm sorry." "Hey, I appreciate that, but you know" "I'm not the one you need to apologize to." "Sure, now he leaves me alone with a boy." "[Sighs]" "I cannot believe what you did!" "I guess I kind of ruined the friendship thing, huh?" "You sure didn't do it a whole lot of good!" "If you were jealous, why didn't you just say?" " I was not jealous..." " Oh, Miley!" "OK, fine, I was." "Man, I mean, you don't want to be a couple, and when I try to be friends, you almost wreck my movie." "What am I gonna do with you?" "I don't know!" "Maybe we should forget about each other." " Maybe we should!" " Fine!" "Fine!" "OK, this isn't working for me." " Me, neither." " [Exhales]" "Look, last time, you were the one with some growing up to do, and now it's my turn." "But if I promise not to wreck another movie, can we try to be friends again?" " I'd like that." " Me too." "This isn't helping the friendship thing." "Oh." "Couldn't agree more." "# Yeah, yeah, yeah #" "Great work today, sweetie." "Seriously, changed my life." " Mikayla." " Security!" "No, no, no." "We're here to apologize." "I was jealous and stupid and I'm sorry." "And I'm just a sidekick who needs to learn how to say no." "Wait a second." "[Exhales] Truth is, if I still liked a guy," " I would've done the same thing." " Really?" "Well, I would've done it a little better, but I appreciate the attempt." "That was surprisingly nice of you." "I don't care if you're not famous." "I'll let you be my friend." " Cool." " Oh, sorry, not you." "[Mouths] Ouch." "Really, uh, Mikayla, you don't have to..." "This is gonna be so much fun!" "We can do all of my favorite things:" "Shop, get our nails done and talk about how much I hate Hannah Montana!" "Let's start now!" "Yay!" "Help!" "Y'all come back now, you hear?" "Thank you all for coming." "Great PTA meeting." "That vegetarian lasagna was delicious." "Ooh, and those pork-free pork chops, that's some good eating. [laughs]" "[Both] Yeah." "Dang it, honey, doesn't anybody in California eat meat anymore?" "That's a large pepperoni, sausage pizza and a big old bucket of bacon on the side." "Oh, I'm sorry, did you guys want something?" "Now, Lilly, that's what I love about your mom." "Looks like an angel, but eats like a truck driver." "Was that supposed to be a compliment?" "From him?" "Oh, yeah." "Finally, they're gone!" "Dad, the next time you host a PTA meeting, at least do it out in the hot tub so I can see Lilly's mom in the kitchen!" "[chuckles]" "Hey, Ms. T!" "Warn a guy!" "And he doesn't have a girlfriend." "Go figure!" "I appreciate you and Lilly staying, but you don't have to stick around to help clean." "Ah, you just want that pizza all to yourself." "That is not true." "But I will wrestle you for that bucket of bacon." "[Laughs] Why isn't he laughing?" "The man don't joke about his bacon." "Jackson, you could help clean up too, if you like." "I am helping." "Man, this chocolate pudding tastes awful." "That's because it's Mrs. Devahl's fast-acting prune butter." "Why do they call it...?" "Excuse me." "Is it just me, or are they actually starting to like each other?" "You mean like or..."like" like?" "I'll tell you the best steakhouse in LA, Jimmy's down on Third." "Oh, one time I heard a cow say," ""When I go, just serve me up at Jimmy's."" " [Laughing] - [Both] "Like" like!" "Man, I haven't seen my mom even look at a guy since the divorce." "It'd be so cool if they started dating." "Cooler if they got married." " [Gasps]" " So how about Saturday?" "It's a date." "[Both] We're gonna be sisters!" "What are we eating?" " Oh, boy." " Oh, boy!" "Oh!" "# Come on" "# You get the limo out front" "# Hot styles, every shoe, every color" "# Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun" "# It's really you but no one ever discovers" "# Who would have thought that a girl like me" "# Would double as a superstar" "# You get the best of both worlds" "# Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show" "# You get the best of both worlds" "# Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds # [laughs]" "Ooh, make sure your dad wears his earring." "My mom says it makes him look like a pirate and she loves her pirates." "Perfect!" "He's always looking for an excuse to wear his puffy shirt." "[Laughing]" "Tell your mom to wear that dress that she wore at my folks' Christmas party." "She looked so ho lidayish." " [School bell rings]" "Very festive. [chuckles] I got to go." "OK, that was gross, but he's not wrong about the dress." " True." "After you, sis." " No, after you, sis." "Oh, tell her not too much perfume." "She's gonna have to keep laughing at jokes, even when they stop being funny." "And trust me, that day will come." "OK, perfume, jokes, Oliver's "ho..." "liday" dress." "Write a list and I'll write one for you." " Cool." " [Laughing]" "¡Buenos días!" "Guten Tag!" "Bonjour!" "[French accent] Welcome to the wonderful world of international relations." " Ooh!" "Ooh, good one!" " Well, thank you, Miss Truscott." "It's always nice to be appreciated." "[Chuckles]" "Now, next week, all of you will be ambassadors of an imaginary country as we try to resolve problems peacefully." " Oh, this is gonna work great!" " [Scottish accent] Aye." "And it certainly will if everyone shows that kind of enthusiasm." "Stewart, Truscott, the two of you are a great joy to have in class." "Right back at ya!" "[laughs]" "Why are we a [Scottish accent] great joy?" "[Scottish accent] I don't know." "Keep writing!" "Something doesn't look right, but what?" " What could it be?" " Hmm." "Maybe it's the annoying little twerp staring back at you." "[Fakes laugh] No." "It's the sand around the shack." "It all just, I don't know, blends in." "That's because we're, I don't know, on a beach." "Watch and learn, Jackson." "[Laughs] Or in your case, just watch." "Bring it in, Charlie!" "[Beeping]" "Sand." "You actually bought sand." "This isn't just sand." "It's..." "Costa [rolls "r"] Rican sand." "Finest in the world." "Feel it, [sniffs] smell it, unload it." " Excuse me?" " Remember to lift with your knees." "[Cackles]" "Oh, I'll lift with my knees all right." "Now this I'll be happy to unload." "Let me go!" "Jackson!" "Put me down!" "Oh, I'll put you down." "[Exhales] There." "Have fun hanging out." "Jackson, get back here!" "You're the worst employee in the world!" "You're the worst boss in the world." "You wouldn't last a week working for a jerk like you." "And you wouldn't last a week managing a bonehead like you." "I bet you 50 bucks you couldn't even last the weekend." "Wait, you're willing to pay me 50 bucks to switch places?" "You are so on." "Fine." "For the rest of the weekend, I'm Jackson, you're Rico." "Now, get me down from here." "Sorry, Jackson." "Rico doesn't take orders from you." "Get yourself down. [cackles]" "Jackson!" "# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #" "Whee, doggies, it sure feels good to be puffy again!" "Yeah, yeah, you're a regular puff daddy." "OK, let's review, shall we?" "So she loves the Boston Red Sox, hates when people dress their dogs" " and her favorite ice cream is..." " Chocolate crunchy." "Not chocolate crunchy, it's fudgey munchy!" "Sweet niblets, how'd you get out of high school?" "By doing my homework, which is exactly what you should be doing." "OK." "I'm sorry, Pops, but I mean, it's you and Lilly's mom." "It would be so cool..." "Mile, I appreciate the coaching." "I know what you're trying to do, but face it." "I've already got the duds and the 'do, anything else would be just unfair." "OK, remember, he loves..." "Car racing, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and, um, those Japanese game shows where people fall off logs." "I've never been so proud of you." " [Doorbell rings]" " Ooh, lipstick check." "How ya doing?" " We're very close." " Move your finger, honey." "OK." " That is one beautiful dress." " That is one puffy shirt." " Drive safe!" " Next stop, sister town." "[Both] Bye!" "# Ooh, yeah #" "Man, Lilly, this is harder than I thought." "If we just concentrate, we'll figure it out." "I've gone over these numbers ten times." "Once you move in, there is no way all of our shoes are gonna fit." "Well, what are we gonna do?" "I guess I could give some away." "You would give away shoes for me?" " You're the best sister ever!" " I know!" "[Computer beeps]" "Oh, hold on, I'm getting a video message." "People of Earth, people of Earth, people of Earth!" "Don't be alarmed, it's Mr. Corelli!" "Just a gentle little reminder to all of you that International Relations Week starts on Monday, so be prepared." "[Woman] Francis, do you want one fish stick or two?" "Not now, Ma!" "I'm on the computer!" "Mr. Corelli, over and out." "Four!" "And don't hog the tartar sauce!" "This explains so much." "Once we get our parents together, we have got to get that man a date." " [Car door closing] - [Gasps]" "[Both] They're back!" "I can't wait to hear how the date went!" "Me neither." "Slow down, slow down, slow down." "Give them space." "They'll let us know how it went when they're ready." " OK." " How'd it go?" "Great?" "Perfect?" "Awesome?" "Fantastic?" "Tell me." "Fine." "I had a wonderful time." "So did I. Let's go." " But..." " The woman wants to leave, let's not stop her." " Thank you." " My pleasure." "What goofy thing did your dad do this time?" "[laughs]" "My dad?" "How do you know it was my dad's fault?" "Have you met your dad?" "Yeah, I have." "And I've also met your uptight mother." " My mother is not uptight." " [Horn honks]" "[Heather] Lillian, move it!" "Oh, yeah, she's a real ray of sunshine." " This is not her fault!" " It's not my daddy's fault either!" "I was gonna give up shoes for you." " Well, now you don't have to." " Fine." " Good!" " Goodbye." " [Horn honks]" " She is not uptight!" "You know what?" "I don't need a sister." "I like being an only child." "Hey, Miles, I got a pimple on my back I can't reach." "Could you...?" "Let me go get my goggles." "# Ooh, oh, oh #" "Morning, Daddy!" "I made you breakfast." "Thanks, honey, but I'm still not gonna tell you." "What happened last night was between Lilly's mom and me." "And I respect that." "Really?" "So why did you write "please, please tell me"" "in little tiny pieces of bacon?" "'Cause the full strips would've taken up all the room." "Duh." "Sorry, honey, this just isn't your fight." " You're gonna have to stay out of it." " Get your own darn breakfast." "Fine." "Woman insists on paying half the check and won't take no for an answer." " It's ridiculous." " That's why you're mad?" "I said I'm not talking about it." "Man tries to be a gentleman and suddenly he's a caveman." "That's what y'all were upset about?" "Both of you wanted to pay the check?" "This is so awesome!" "I've got to go tell Lilly!" "And, Daddy, you might want to get the shells out of there." "I like my eggs extra crunchy." "Caveman." "She's the one that slapped down that card so fast, it got meat juice all over my puffy shirt." " Lilly!" "I found out everything!" " I know!" "I can't believe they fought over something so stupid." "I know." "Now we can still be sisters." "Yeah." "All your dad has to do is apologize for not letting my mom pay." "Uptight momma's daughter say what?" "I said your dad just has to apologize." "For what?" "Being a gentleman?" "Your mother needs to apologize." "For what?" "Asserting her independence?" "Well, she asserted it all over my daddy's little puffy shirt." " Well, he was being pigheaded!" " He was being polite." "Haven't you ever heard of Southern hospitality?" "Now get off my land!" "[Gasps]" "There, Rico." "That's the last of the sand." "Happy?" "Something doesn't look right, Jackson." "But what?" "What could it be?" " Oh, no." " Oh, yes." "The new sand does not please me." "Put it all back." " I spent two hours..." " Unless you admit that you can't take what you dish out." "Never." "Hold up, Jackson." "Let me help you with that." "Oh, wait, I don't help anybody because I'm [rolls "r"] Rico." " Oh, so you're Rico?" " Uh, yeah." " I'm enjoying every minute of it." " Yeah?" "I'm gonna enjoy every minute of pounding your face in." " What?" " You picked on my brother" " for the last time." " What little brother?" "Oh, you remember, don't you, Rico?" "The kid with the unibrow very similar to this handsome gentleman." "I believe you called it an "ay-ay-eyebrow."" " What did you do?" " Me?" "I'm not the one who said "bring it on" when the kid told you his big brother was gonna beat you up Sunday at noon." "Oh." "Well, look at that." "Right on time." "Wait a minute." "He set me up." "He's Rico." "You just love picking on little kids, don't you?" " It's true." "He's a bad man." " [Fabric rips]" "[Jackson] Look out!" "Move, move, move." "Wah!" "[Jackson grunts]" "Nobody does Rico like Rico." "[Cackles]" "And then she was like... [scoffs] And then I was like, "What?" Chicks." "Hi, Oliver." "Ready for International Relations Week?" "Oh, totally." "My country, Okenland, is ready to rock." "We've got, uh, we got gorgeous beaches, gorgeous girls, and our main export is love. [chuckles]" "Good for you." "Want to hear about Sarahtopia?" "Not really." "Our national color is green, we use only alternative fuels and our chief export is mulch made from our own waste products." " You have an army?" " No." "[Whispers] Good luck." "You won't be so smug when your people get sick of paying $18 for a gallon of gas, revolt and hang you by your thumbs." "Bye." " Blocking my locker." " You're blocking mine." "Show some [Southern accent] Southern hospitality and move." "Assert your independence and move me." "OK, what are you two arguing about this time?" "Did somebody forget their friendship week-aversary?" "We don't have week-aversaries anymore because we are no longer friends." "And this would've been our 200th and Lilly would've gotten that charm bracelet she wants." "Oh, well." "Well, I don't need presents from someone who insults my family." " I insulted your family?" " Thanks for admitting it." "I wasn't finished!" "Check-grabbing mother..." " [gasps]" " Your "me man, you woman" pappy." "You know what you two need?" "A vacation on the beautiful beaches of Okenland." " Wear a bikini, get a free churro." " This isn't funny!" " This isn't funny!" " I said it first." "I can sing." "Ha!" ""I can sing." "Ha!"" "Welcome to the first day of International Relations Week." "[Plays fanfare on kazoo]" "Today, four nations will demonstrate world trade." "Which will they be?" "Well, we have Okenland," "Sarahtopia, Lillitania and..." "Somebody else, somebody else, somebody else, somebody else." "Hello!" "Milantis!" "Uh, you know, uh, today is a Milantian holiday." "Banks, post office, all closed." "Please respect our tradition." "Yeah, her old, backwards traditions." "Then again, Milantis is always ready to stand up for what it believes in." "And those beliefs will be tested in today's debate over a big pile of fish!" "Ooh, sorry they're a little ripe." "I'm on a teacher's salary." "Now, you four nations border the Corellian Sea." "Milantis has had an excellent fishing season and, holy mackerel, owns all the fish." "What will you do to get what you need?" "Let's start trading." "Well, my country harnesses the power of wind." "We could trade you energy for fish." "Or I could just give you the fish, because in Milantis, that's the classy thing to do." "Well, in Lillitania, we don't take handouts." "We like to pay for our own fish and half the tip!" "It's not a handout." "It's a generous, loving gesture from the people of Milantis." "I wouldn't expect you to know about that since you are from Lilly-tiny-brainia." "Well, at least my country doesn't sound like a cure for diarrhea." "I'll take the fish if it gets me an A." "At least Okenland isn't threatened when someone wants to buy them one little dinner." "We don't need you buying us anything." "Lillitania is an independent nation!" "Milantis is a country rich in tradition!" "Now take the dang fish!" " I don't want your stinking fish!" " [Screams]" "This one's mine." " Great, then this one can be yours." " [Gasps]" " Oh!" "Cold fish!" "Cold fish!" " Just like your mother!" "[Gasps] This one's for Mom!" " Well, this one is for Dad!" " No!" " Lilly, chill!" " Guys, I was gonna return those!" "Don't be an idiot, just take the fish." "Hey, if she wants to pay, it's her right." " Well, her right is stupid." " You're stupid." "Pretty brave talk without an army." "Who needs an army when you've got an arm?" "Oh!" "Oh, gross!" "All right, that's it." "I want the fish and I want them now." "Next time, we're trading cookies." "Guys!" "Guys!" "Can't we all just get along?" "Ow!" "Oh, come on." "Those are expensive." "Eww!" "Oh, I smell like low tide." "[Coughs] Me too... na." "[Laughs]" " Don't make me laugh, I'm mad at you." " I'm mad at you." "[Both] Flying fish." " [Both laugh]" " What are we doing?" "Exactly what they're doing in there." "Fighting someone else's stupid fight." "Well, I'm ready to stop if you are." "Well, I got to be honest." "My dad can be little bit old-fashioned." "Yeah, and my mom can be a wee bit uptight." "A wee bit?" "[laughs] She's a lovely woman that can fight her own battles, just like my daddy." " Friends?" " Practically sisters." "[Laughs]" " [Sarah] Eat it, Oken!" " Help!" "I'm being attacked by Sarahtopia!" "[Screams]" "# Life's what you make it" "# So let's make it right Let's make it right" "# Life's what you make it" "# So come on, come on" "# Everybody now Let's celebrate it" "# Join in, everyone" "# You decide" "# 'Cause life's what you make it" "# Life is what you make it #" " Honey, you were on fire tonight." " I was, wasn't I?" "It's because I was so happy Lilly and I made up." "Aww." "It's really great that you and my mom worked everything out too." "I know." "Do you think she had a good time at the concert?" "Rock and roll!" "Yeah!" "A little bit." "[Makes guitar noise]" "Uh, pretty good with the singing and the dancing that you do." " Wow, you're pretty." " Nice save." "I'm Kevin." "The cute, romantic one." "And you're Joe, the cute, funny one." "And you're Nick, the cute, sensitive one. [giggles]" "And I'm her daddy, the cute, protective one." "You're Robby Ray!" "He writes all the songs!" "I know!" "Nobody's Perfect is genius." "I like the cute, romantic one." "I love how it starts all soft, and then bam!" "# Everybody makes mistakes Everybody has those days" "# Everybody knows what I'm talking about Everybody gets that way #" "I was wrong, I like them all." "Step aside, cowboy, I saw them first." "So is it true that you guys got discovered at a barber shop?" "Yeah." "Funny story." "I can't believe how many hits you've written." "Yep." "Robby Ray writes them and Hannah sings them." " Uh-huh." " Sure." "You're like a legend, dude." "Uh, sir." "Sir dude." "[Chuckles] Yep." "He's the best and he's all mine." "Yeah." "Uh-huh." "Well, you know what would be a great idea?" " Write a song for us." " Yeah, awesome." "[Laughs] I hate to disappoint you boys, but he only writes songs..." " I'd love to." " Song-writing daddy say what?" "Yes." "Yeah!" "# Come on" "# You get the limo out front" "# Hot styles, every shoe, every color" "# Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun" "# It's really you but no one ever discovers" "# Who would have thought that a girl like me" "# Would double as a superstar" "# You get the best of both worlds" "# Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show" "# You get the best of both worlds" "# Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds # [laughs]" "[Laughs]" "# Whoa, whoa #" "Where is Dad?" "He was supposed to be home two hours ago." " Ow!" " Stupid cute Jonas Brothers!" "Ow!" "You're braiding hair, not starting a chainsaw." "I'm sorry, but they're guys and he's a guy, and what if he figures out that he likes writing for guys more than he likes writing for Hannah?" "Well, then you'll be out of work and I'll be bald." "Lilly, this isn't funny." "You should've seen the way they glommed onto him." ""You are awesome, will you write a song for us?"" ""Yee doggies, I'd love to!"" "He was putty in their hands." "Putty, I tell you!" "Relax, I'm sure your dad's just late because the Jonas Brothers are arguing about his music or changing his lyrics and making him miserable." "Whoo!" "I love the Jonas Brothers!" "Wow, I was way off." "Where have you been?" "You were supposed to be home two hours ago." "Start talking, mister!" "Oh, I'm sorry, honey, but the time just got away from us." "One minute we're spitballing song ideas, the next thing I know we're having a spitball fight." "Then we started playing air hockey and video games." "It was a regular P-A-R-T-Y party." "You said you were working." "Well, it turns out I was." "Listen to this." "# Anywhere we go Anywhere we are" "# Everybody knows You got to party with us" "# Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah #" "Well, it's a lot cooler when the Jo-Bros do it." "The Jo-Bros?" "He's even got a pet name for them." "Oh, come on, I'm sure he has a pet name for you too." "Yeah, Miley." "You know, I know it's not the way that I usually work, but goofing around with those boys is pulling a great song out of me." "And look at this." "Fish on a hook." "Joe taught it to me." "You're right, he is the funny one." "Yeah." "Hilarious." "I got to go get on the webcam and show Uncle Earl." "He's gonna love this." "Whoo!" "OK, I don't care how cute they are." "I hate those backstabbing, daddy-nabbing Jonas Brothers." "[Chuckles] Hey, this is funny." "If you're a stupid boy." "Pshht." "Pssht." "Pssht!" "Stretch all you want, you're not getting any taller." "Trust me, I've tried." "I may not be getting any taller, but I'm about to be a whole lot richer." "How?" "You gonna open a "take your picture with an idiot" booth?" "[High-pitched] "You gonna open a take your picture with...?"" "No." "Nakamora Sporting Goods is offering $5,000 to anyone who breaks the world record on the new Nakamora Extreme." "[Exhales]" " Five big ones for riding a bike?" " A bike?" "Please, the Nakamora Extreme is a precision instrument that requires a special blend of endurance, skill and natural born talent." "Now let's do this." "In 20 hours and 42 minutes," "I'm gonna be bouncing all the way to the bank." "Now, if you'll excuse me." "Helmet-cam is a go." "This is Jackson Rod Stewart, recording my hop to destiny!" "[Grunts]" "[Chuckles] Starting now." "Once again, this is Jackson Rod Stewart hopping my way to history." "[Singsong] I'm gonna be rich." "I'm gonna be rich." "# Yeah, yeah, ooh #" "# It's Friday and there's nowhere to be" "# We're kicking it together It's so good to be free #" "Oh, those boys are gonna love this." " [Blows]" " Hey, what the...?" "What are you doing?" "I'm just goofing off, getting those creative juices flowing." "Try it with me." "You know, spitballing could pull a great song out of you!" "[blows]" " Are you OK?" " Never better." "Just hanging out with my old man." "Come on. [grunting]" "Hey, Daddy, why don't we have an arm tootin' contest?" "I'll go first." " [Farting sounds]" " Beat that." "I don't have time for this." "I'm trying to finish this song." " But, Dad..." " [phone rings]" "Excuse me." "Hello?" "No, there's no one here by the name of Gunnar." "Sorry, this ain't the Tinkle residence." "Well, I don't care what you say, I'm not Gunnar Tinkle." "Gonna tinkle?" "Joe, is that you?" " We so own you!" " Busted!" " That was sick!" " Oh, you boys." "L-O-L." " You know L-O-L?" " Yeah, Nick taught it to me." "Hey, you guys want to hear the chorus of your new song?" " Yeah!" " Go for it!" "OK, hold on." "It's a little rough." " [Farting sounds] - [Laughing]" "Beat that!" "Oh, sorry." "Hold on, I'm getting another call." "Hello?" "What?" "You're looking for who?" "Amanda?" "Amanda Hugginkiss?" "A man to hug and kiss." "Miley, I don't have time for this foolishness." " I'm trying to work here." " So am I!" "I'm inspiring you with my humor." "Dad, listen to this one." "So why was six afraid of seven?" "'Cause seven ate nine!" "Whoo, that is hysterical!" "Hang up and we could write a hit." "Sorry, guys, it was just my daughter being silly." "Yeah." "Well, sure, of course." "I'll be right there." "Hey, darlin', I'm gonna go meet the boys and finish this song." "Daddy, what about we just hang out today?" "Hey, here's Lilly to keep you company." "You guys have a good night now." " He looks happy." " Of course he's happy." "He's hanging out with... them." "Oh, my gosh, your dad's having a bro-mance." "Worse, he's having a Jo-bro-mance." "I used to be the one that he loved to write for." "Now they're all he thinks about." "Why aren't I enough anymore?" "Give me one good reason!" "Well, they're new, there's three of them and they're so cute!" "[chuckles]" "I said one." "Right. [clears throat]" "And to think, you gave him the best 14 years of your life." " Years you will never get back!" " Exactly." "I am not about to get thrown away like yesterday's moo-shoo pork!" "You had moo-shoo pork yesterday?" "Is there any left?" "Lilly, focus!" "I am not about to let Larry, Curly and Moe-bro waltz in and steal him away." "My daddy writes for me and nobody else!" " So, what are you gonna do?" " I have no idea!" "# Whoa #" "Pardon me." "Breaking a record." "Getting hungry." "[Grunts] Thank you. [chuckles]" "Lilly!" "I figured out how to get my daddy back." " How?" " OK." "The "Jo-Bros" aren't gonna wanna record Dad's song" " if he stole it from another guy band." " What guy band?" " Oh, no." " Oh, yeah." "# Oh, yeah, yeah #" "I'm gonna meet the Jonas Brothers!" "[Low voice] Guy voice." "[Low voice] I'm gonna meet the Jonas Brothers!" "[Both in low voice] Yeah." "[Grunts] Rico," " I got to use the bathroom." " That ought to be interesting." "Just open the door!" "Sure." "For half your winnings." " I am not gonna split $5,000..." " Whoops." "Look at that." "Drip, drip, drip." "OK, deal!" "Partner!" "Open the door." "[Toilet flushes]" "Mission accomplished." "Whew." "He shoots, he scores!" "Nothing but bowl." "[Panting]" "[Gasping]" "[Shivers]" "[Continues panting]" "Eat marshmallow, fro-bro!" "Chew on this, sucker!" "Put this in your cocoa." " Hey, let's blast Robby Ray." " Great idea." "Guys, guys, but it's three against one." "I like it." "Whoo-hoo!" "Yeah." "[Low voice] Yo, guys, we're working here." "[Low voice] Yeah, dudes." "Be cool." "Dudes." "Yo." "Uh, sorry, guys." "We got a text from the guy we're working with." "He told us to be here early." "Our bad." "No big." "We're just working on our guy band stuff." "If you guys want to hang until we guys are done, that's cool." "'Cause we're all, you know, guys." "OK, sure." "This is Joe and Kevin." "And I'm Nick." "We know who you are." "Your music rocks." "And you're so hot." "On the charts." "Burning them up." "Yeah!" "Yeah, that's what I meant." "Dudes." "Yo." "So who are you guys?" "I'm Mi..." "lo." " Milo." " And I'm Otis." "Right." "We're Milo and..." "Otis." " So, what are you guys working on?" " New song we just wrote." "Ourselves." "We wrote it." "Milo and Otis." "Two guys." "Football!" "They get it." "Let's play it for them." "Coolio." "Monster trucks!" " # Anywhere we are - # Anywhere we go" " # Everybody knows - [both] # We got the party with us" "# Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah #" "Yeah!" "Whoo!" "[Grunts] Oh, yeah!" "That's..." "That's our song isn't it?" "I can't hear you." "My ears are full of melted brain." "I kind of liked it." " So do we, like, rock or what?" " What'd you think?" " I think that's our song." " [Both] What?" " Robby Ray wrote that song for us." " Oh, man!" "Robby Ray, lying, cheating, stinking, stealing..." " Easy, Otto." " Ottis..." "Otis!" "Right." "What are you talking about?" "Robby Ray didn't write that song." "He stole it from us." "He came in while we were rehearsing and said he was "just listening."" " Unbelievable." " He ripped you off?" " Totally." " Robby Ray hurt us." " He hurt us deep." " Way deep, man." "In the gut." "And then he lies to us." "How bogus is that?" "I feel so used." "You?" "I shared my nachos with that guy." "I don't even want to see this guy again." "I'm out." "Sorry, guys." "It's your song." " Are we cool?" " We cool." "[Moans]" " No hard feelings?" " Nothing a hug couldn't fix." "Otis." "Otis!" "That dude smells really good." "And that is what happens when you try to steal Miley Stewart's daddy." "Funny you should mention him..." "Oh, sweet niblets!" " What are we gonna do?" " OK. [exhales]" "We have a chance." "They'll be so angry, they won't even talk to him." "[Whispers] Right." "OK, they're talking." "But that doesn't necessarily mean they're telling him about us." "[Whispers] OK." "All right." "[Squeaks]" "# Ooh, yeah #" "[pants] How... much..." "longer?" "Just a few more minutes, champ." "You're almost there." "Hop, kangaroo boy, hop!" " [All] Hop!" "Hop!" "Hop!" " Ah!" "Can't... hop." "Must... stop." "[Groans, grunts]" "[Groan] No!" "[Pants] I was hops away from history and I couldn't do it." "Oh, you hopped into history four hours ago." "What?" "You broke the record four hours ago." "I just wanted to see how long you could go." "Because of you, I've been bouncing for four hours with a wedgie I'll probably need surgery to remove?" "Yep." "Ain't I a little stinker?" "Come here." " Uh-uh." " I'm gonna get you." "Doubt it." "[Grunting]" "Rico!" "[Grunts] No!" "# Yeah, oh #" "# Oh, oh, oh #" "Hey, Mile." "I guess you know we're gonna have to talk about this sooner or later." "Don't worry, Daddy." "Hannah called the Jonas Brothers and told them that she hired Milo and Otis and it was all a prank." "So you can run off and go play air hockey with your new best friends." "I'm sure it's a lot more fun than hanging around with boring old me." " OK, see ya." " Daddy!" "You can't seriously be jealous of me spending time with the Jonas Brothers." "You're having fun writing for them." "And that song you wrote's really good." "They're just gonna keep wanting more, Dad, and then other people will, and then..." "And I won't have time for Hannah Montana?" "Or Miley." "Now, darlin', let me tell you something." "You know, I could write a hundred songs for those boys, but there's one thing I can't do:" "That's put my arm around them and say they're my little girl." "Well, I could, but it'd be extremely weird." " So you're not bored with me?" " Bored with you?" "I love writing songs for Hannah Montana." "Almost as much as I love being Miley's daddy." "You know, it is a shame you didn't like those boys though." "I had a vision about getting them and Hannah..." "Hold on, Pops." "I said I didn't like them spending so much time with you." "Now, with me?" "That would be off the hook." "Get it?" "Off the hook." "# Come on, guys Tell me what we're doing" "# We're hanging around when we could be all over the place" "# The sun is shining just the way we like it" "# Let's get out of this hallway Show the world our face" "# It's Friday but there's nowhere to go" "# Anywhere is cool 'cause we're not going home" "# We can do anything we want to do" "# It's all up to me and you" "# Turn this park into a club" "# The stars are lights and the moon is the vibe from above" "# This skateboard here's our ride So pull on up" "# Everyone is waiting for us" "# Anywhere we are, anywhere we go Everybody knows" "# We got the party with us Anywhere we are, anywhere we go" "# Everybody knows We got the party with us" "# Anywhere we are, anywhere we go Everybody knows" "# We got the party with us" " # We got the party with us # - [cheering]" "[Whistles]" " Ready, darlin'?" " Oh, yeah." "All right, Daddy, you take Joe and Kevin." "Nick is all mine." " # Oh, when the saints" " Eat this, suckers!" " Whoopsies." " Wrong studio. [chuckles]" "Our bad." "Keep on marching in." " Where are they?" " I don't know." "They promised they were gonna be here." "And we always keep our promises!" "Duck and cover, Daddy!" "It's the return of the Jonai!" "[squeals]" "Oh, there they are." "My handsome grandson and my beautiful granddaughter, the youngest person ever to win the International Music Awards Female Artist of the Year!" "[exaggerated inhales]" "My word, that is a mouthful." "No wonder those award shows are always so long." "Hey, you know what else is long?" "The walk from my bedroom to the bathroom." "Miley's is right next door." "And it has a view of the ocean." "See dolphins in the morning." "[Squeaking]" "Would you give it a rest?" "She's in your room." "Mamaw, Sunday is gonna be perfect." "I am getting an award I've always dreamed of," "Daddy's presenting it to me and now everyone I love is here." "You, [under her breath] Aunt Dolly..." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "Back this tractor trailer up." "You mean to tell me that bottle-blonde, shrink-wrapped five pounds of baloney" " in a three-pound bag..." " I know you don't like her, but..." "Son, it is not just her butt I don't like." "It's her head, her toes and everything in between." "Mamaw, this is the biggest award of my life." "Can't you guys just get along for a weekend?" "Please, Mamaw?" "Oh, sweetie, I guess for your sake I can look the other way." "And I do mean the other way." "I don't even want to see that woman." " That might be kind of hard." " Why?" "We don't have to pick her up?" "Can't she just hitch a ride on one of her flying monkeys?" "We don't have to pick her up, Mamaw." "[Under her breath] She's staying here." "Award-winning granddaughter say what?" "Hey!" "I can see dolphins from my guest room." "Well, shoot, that's nothing." "There's a snot-green blowfish right here in the living room." "Now, Ruthie, if you're gonna be mean, talk to the booty, 'cause the hand's off duty." "Well, I would love to, but that booty has been nipped and tucked so many times I just can't hardly find it." "Well, I ain't having no problem finding yours." "Family!" "So glad to have you here." "Good times, good times." "Yeah." "# Come on" "# You get the limo out front" "# Hot styles, every shoe, every color" "# Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun" "# It's really you but no one ever discovers" "# Who would have thought that a girl like me" "# Would double as a superstar" "# You get the best of both worlds" "# Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show" "# You get the best of both worlds" "# Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds # [laughs]" " # Yeah, yeah #" " This whole feud started over a boy?" "Yep." "It was high school." "Mamaw was having a summer romance, and then Aunt Dolly bounced in and..." "Well, that was pretty much all she had to do." "Mamaw never forgave Dolly for stealing the love of her life," " Mr. Elvis Presley." " No!" " Yes!" " No!" " Yes!" " No!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Elvis." "Elvis with the pelvis and the hair and the hunka, hunka burnin' love." "Guys, I haven't slept all night and my back is killing me." "So please, for the love of all that is good and pure in this forsaken universe, zip it!" "Good morning, everybody!" "Well, Jackson, you lazy bones." "Get your rump out of bed!" "Well, what do you know?" "The floor's more comfortable than the couch." " Morning, Mamaw Stewart." " Hey, Lilly, you cutie-patootie." "It's too bad Dolly isn't here to see what a real blonde looks like." " Mamaw..." " I'm sorry." "I'll chillax." "I'm Hannah Montana's grandma." "I got to keep up on the teen scene so I can be fricky-fricky fresh." "OK, now that is just wicky-wicky-weird." "Hey, Mamaw, come here." "Will you look at my nails?" "What should I do for the awards show?" "Uh, sparkly or non-sparkly?" "I think non-sparkly." "Sparkly just kind of feels trampy." "Hey, look at my sparkly nails!" "Just had them done for the awards show." "Exhibit A." "Come on, Mamaw." "Now, you promised you'd be nice." "Aunt Dolly's being nice." "Well, of course." "I'm always nice." "At least that's what The King used to tell me." "You know, I gave Elvis that nickname." "We used to play checkers and he would be like," ""King me, baby, uh-huh." So I started calling him The King." "True story." "Now, Ruthie, there's no need to get your granny panties in a twist." "Why don't you come on over here, I'll give yours a twist." "Your family's better than cable." "Pull your claws in, Miss Kitty." "I'm just here to celebrate my goddaughter's big night." "And I am here to celebrate my granddaughter's big night." "That is my granddaughter, my kinfolk, a blood relation." "I'm just gonna get my purse." "I'm gonna take you to find something beautiful for your show." "Oh, how sweet." "Don't worry, darlin', I'll take you shopping later and I'll buy you something you'll actually want to be seen in." "[Boy] Rico's public access commercial, take one." "And action!" "Hey-o." "My name is Rico." "And this is Rico's." "Do you like hot dogs?" "We've got hot dogs." " Do you like...?" " Cut!" "Cut!" "OK, maybe I was a little nervous." "It was my first take." "I'll loosen up." "Just give me a minute." "Hey-o, I'm Rico!" "Hey-o, I'm Rico!" "OK, I'm good." "Rico's public access commercial, take two." "And action!" " Hey-o." "My name is Rico." "And..." " Cut!" "Cut!" "[clears throat]" "Stupid." "Stupid." "No, you're not stupid." "You just can't act." "Face it, Rico." "We need a better Rico." "Fine." "Who's first?" "[All] Hey-o." "Hey-o." "Hey-o." "# Yeah, yeah #" "OK, open your eyes." "Wow, your mamaw has better taste than I thought." "Aunt Dolly bought me this." "Mamaw bought me this." "Yeow!" "Wait for it." "Yeow with lights!" "I thought having both here would make this night perfect, but now I just can't wait for it to be over." "What am I gonna do?" "Well, too bad you can't just put them in front of a mirror and show them how ridiculous they look." "Wait a minute." "I got an idea." "OK, that was weird." " E-7." " Miss." "Again." " A-2." " Hit." "Again." "Dang it, woman, I'm your son." "Doesn't that account for anything?" "No." "Excuse me, uh, I'm a little hungry, but I was just wondering if I should eat this apple "before" lunch?" " B-4?" " Hit." " A-3." " Miss." "Excuse me, could you tell me where I might find a napkin, 'cause I don't "see one."" "All right, I will tell you what I see." "The woman who put the old in the Grand Ole Opry." " You sank my submarine." " He did that." "For crying out loud, he couldn't beat me at tiddlywinks." "Let that live forever!" "[Lilly] Don't you walk away from me, you shrink-wrapped, rhinestone hillbilly!" "Let it go, you sour old prune!" "You are just mad 'cause Elvis chose me." "He didn't choose you, you stole him, you big-haired, two-timing yackity-yodeler!" "Well, I'd rather have big hair than a double-wide backside." "Well, at least I don't have a triple-wide ego and a mouth to match." "Ladies, please, you're "all shook up."" ""Don't be cruel." You got to take all that anger and... mmmm..." ""return to sender," baby." "Elvis, didn't you love me the most?" "Pretty mamas, when it comes down to it," "I would've traded you for a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich." "So you mean to tell me we've been fighting all these years for nothing?" "Uh-huh-huh." "And forgetting that we both married wonderful men?" "Uh-huh." "And we should just stop arguing and celebrate Miley's big night?" "Yeah-yeah." "I believe it's your turn now, ladies." "Well, don't that beat all." "Well, don't I feel foolish." "How come I never thought of "yackity-yodeler"?" "That one's a keeper." "I'm gonna do you a favor." "I'm gonna pretend like I didn't hear that." "Oh, like you've been pretending for the past 30 years that that's your real hair?" "You wanna dance, Mamaw?" "Well, bring on the music!" "Bring it on, Blondie!" "[Martial arts yells]" "OK, stop it!" "I love you both, but I guess you don't love me enough to stop this." "And if this is how you're gonna act," "I don't want either of you guys there tonight." "In fact, why don't you both just... just go home?" "# Whoa, whoa, whoa #" "# Whoa, whoa #" "Sweetie, could we talk to you for just a minute?" "Why?" "Well, because you really are important to us, angel." "And if you'll let us come to the awards show, we promise to behave." " We really will." " Why believe anything y'all say?" "Well, we'll prove it to you." "Ruthie, does this outfit make me look trampy?" "[Stammers] No, not at all." " Wait a minute." "I can do better." " Mamaw, it's OK." "You're trying." "That is all I've ever wanted." " So we can come?" " It would mean the world to us." "Fine, but I'm picking out my own outfit." "[Both] But..." "OK." "Hey-o!" "My name is Rico." "And this is [rolls "r"] Rico's." "Do you like hot dogs?" "Well, we've got the best hot dogs in town." " Perfect!" "He's great!" " I'm not feeling it." "He doesn't have the right look." "Are you kidding?" "He could be your brother!" "I am his brother." "Now that's a Rico!" "In what world?" "Let's just see what he's got." "Whenever you're ready, beautiful." "It's like looking in a mirror." "[High-pitched voice] Hey-o, my name's Rico." "OK, I know how to fix this." "I'm Rico." "And I'll be waiting for you." "Hey-o!" "[All sigh]" "I am ashamed to be a part of this." "Nothing sells hot dogs like some sweet relish." "# Ooh, ooh, whoa #" "OK, Daddy, now remember when you introduce me, it is not about you." "You get on and get right back off." "Just for that, I'm gonna tell them how you used to put that diaper on your head and run around the house. "Captain Diaperhead." They're gonna love that." "That is exactly why I brought pictures of you in your chubby years." "Fine." "Captain Diaperhead triumphs again." "[Man] Now presenting the award for Female Artist of the Year, award-winning singer and songwriter, Robby Ray." " [Cheering]" " Take your seats now." "No, I'm fine right here." "I want to be the first one to hug you when you come off the stage." "I wanted to be the only one wearing pink, so it looks like we're both gonna be disappointed." " Well, we'll hug her together." " What a nice idea." "I'm watching you." "Fifteen years ago, I was lucky enough to win Artist of the Year, and tonight it is my honor to present this to my own daughter." "Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Miss Hannah Montana!" " [Cheering]" " Thanks, Daddy." "I couldn't have asked for a better introduction." "I have to say that, he's my ride home." "You know, that girl has such a wonderful sense of humor." "She got that from my side of the family." "Oh, really?" "I always thought she learned how to get a chuckle out of an audience from watching me on stage." "Watching me on stage." "Me, me, me, me, me." "This is such an incredible honor, and getting it from my dad makes it all the more special." "[Cheering]" "You know, actually I never really thought you were all that funny." "Well, Elvis thought I had a wonderful comic mind." "Oh, I know what Elvis was thinking about and, honey, it had nothing to do with your mind." " You take that back." " You make me." "And what makes this night perfect is I can share it with the two women who've inspired me with their character," " strength and of course..." " [Mamaw] Man stealer!" "[Dolly] Sore loser!" "...their class." " [Grunting]" "I can always count on these two very special ladies to stop what they're doing when I need them." "[Screaming]" "Uh, I remember when I..." "when I got my first review, they both cut it out and sent it to me." "They sent me so many clippings," "I finally just had to say enough already!" "I'll be right back." "Jackson, I leave the room for two minutes and you turn on wrestling." "Flip back to the show." "This is the awards show." "Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark." " [Miley] You guys promised!" " [Grunting]" "[Miley] Now break it up!" "[Screaming]" "Wow!" "Your family really is better than cable." "[Sighs] Once again," "I would just like to thank you so much for this award." "I mean, this award." "Oh, sweet niblets." "I hope you two are happy!" " Good night, everybody!" "Whoo!" " [Cheering]" "# Whoa, whoa, ooh # [sighs]" "Miley, slow down." "I think I broke a heel." "Yeah, well, I think I broke a hip." "Will you two stop it?" "You turned one of the best nights of my life into some some kind of granny smackdown." "Oh, Miley." "Sweetie, how many times do we have to say we're sorry?" "You can say you're sorry a million times, but I will never forgive you." "I learned that from the best. [sighs]" "# Ooh, ooh #" " Mile?" " Great night, huh?" "Whoo-hoo." "Hey, listen, darlin'..." "Dad, don't ask me to go out there and forgive them, 'cause I won't." "[Scoffs] I don't blame you." "I think those women dislocated my shoulder." "I wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to them." " Good, 'cause I'm not." " Good for you." "Why treat them different than they treat each other?" "Where you going with this?" "Well, wherever your heart tells you I'm going." "Think about it." "I hate when he goes all fortune cookie on me." "# Whoa, whoa, whoa #" "I'll put your luggage in the car." "Ow." "Gee, I wonder what's wrong with my shoulder." "Oh, that's right." "I was body-slammed into the stage door!" " Sorry about that." " My bad, sweetie." " Well, I guess she's not coming down." " I don't blame her." "Hey, don't go yet." "I'm still incredibly mad at you." " I don't blame you, sweetie." " Me, neither." "But... that doesn't mean I'll never forgive you." "Because if I don't, I lose you." "And I've seen what that looks like." "So y'all can go on hating each other, but I'll never hate you." "I don't think the two most important women in my life" " would want me to act that way." " Oh." "She's a pretty remarkable girl, isn't she?" "Yes, she is, and smart too." "You know, I am kind of tired of acting this way." "So am I. Hating burns up a lot of energy." "Thirty years worth." "What do you say we start trying to be nice to each other again?" "Well, I'd like that." "[Grunts] Hello." "Squishing the pop star." " Oh, sorry." " I didn't say I didn't like it." "Aw. [chuckles]" "# You're a true friend" "# You're here till the end" "# You pull me aside when something ain't right" "# Talk with me now and into the night" "# No need to pretend" "# You're a true friend #" " Whoo!" " Whoo!" "[Whooping]"