"As regards the making of a real world," "or partially real, for instance the relationship with things, the forms." "For instance, I have a relationship with things by proximity except for those I can effectively touch." "For example:" "I don't know what a mountain is but I could touch iron columns" "a long cylinder I couldn't reach its tip, no?" "..." "Well, those are approximations perhaps too distant, but I had to look for..." "I don't know..." "A whale, for instance I can't imagine how it is, but I could by touching" "toy fish's representations..." "Then I try to amplify this by thousands, millions;" "anyway, it's not enough, but..." "I started having representations of distant objects with closer ones" "I could perceive." "A car, for instance I could touch just a little part." "Now, that doesn't give me a real idea of the whole but well, I keep that piece," "or else with toy cars, which did give me an idea, but also too distant." "Then, it also happened with TV;" "my best mates told me what they watched," "well..." "I had to make myself several interpretations" "which were not so exact after all but I represent things my way, right? I was born in Carlos Casares on 1957" "I got poliomyelitis in 1960." "I spent one year at the children's hospital then I was moved to this one "María Ferrer" where I now live." "I suffer from respiratory sequels and indeterminate blindness" "It is supposed to have happened due to hypoxia due to the lack of oxygen." "which, by now, doesn't worry me so much." "Since I am a physically dependent man," "when the person who has to assist me does so in such a way that..." "Half-heartedly and without any consideration from what I really need, such as, just to say something rightly said," "a treatment with little humanity, more than annoyance, it is..." "It sometimes makes me feel angry and like hitting, it makes me," "I've felt it, like fury." "Let's say: "Well, look, if you have to caress me, do it with distinction, at least." "If you hold me by my arm, don't pull it, see?"" "For us, handicapped, that is all an issue." "I have the feeling that it would be the best moment" "even sleeping has helped as..." "I don't know whether sleeping is an act" "when you taking it as a refreshing sleep..." "I'm most of the day machinating about so many things and after sleeping," "all that machination doesn't seem to be so dense or intense or dramatic at all, see?" "But this lasts a lapse of time." "Then, machination starts again." "Because the memories I have are those related to praying at a determinate time, they would pile up our Pulmotors in order to pray, and it was "this time's to pray!"" "It was a matter of imposition, quite annoying, I would say." "And I remember being read to a lot about crucifixion and all that jazz..." "To tell you the truth..." "This was a pain in the ass for me." "I wanted to watch cartoons" " well, listen to " "and no matter how much they talked to me about salvation," "I wanted something else." "Something not so complicated for my poor childhood's mind." "Because I also asked myself, hey, there's a lot of salvation around here" "but I'm still suffering." "I thought about Beethoven," "because I am fascinated with" "the proverbial creations, let's say;" "when you say" ""It's a monument, it's there."" "Well, I also admire Borges," "but mostly Beethoven since I love his music" "let's say." "Because I spend my time tasting things," "and I always think about my existence..." "I play the piano, right?" "I have this small keyboard, but I can make simple things." "I am admired by guys who make a master work like a universe, see?" "And I said Beethoven before not only for his work, but also because of... having to fight against physical pain, too, right?" "but, however doing things like the ones he did." "And I would sum it up there, because it represents many things, aspirations I have and I couldn't do," "though I could really do it my way" "I'm not a good-for-nothing sufferer." "I do things, but I am fascinated with proverbial things and things done like monuments, with greatness and completed, right? With the animals" "I could have some contact they surpass me on the physical part." "Then I feel like rejection, that is..." "Because I could later under,go some intellectualization that is, well, look there the whale its qualities!" "But then well, if I have a cat upon me, or a dog, I feel that" "that being might bite, scratch me, and I have to endure it, see?" "And it has also happened to me" "I won't say zoo phobia, right?" "Because it doesn't come to that but I have some difficulty in the game, with contact." "I'm very stuck to my world and what I cannot touch or get a grip from becomes indifferent and alien;" "or else I value it by means of intellectualization not for having some real contact, right? I didn't say I was waiting for them" "Yes, probably I was, but I don't remember that much." "I got surprised when they came, it was an event... like the man reaching the moon," "it was the time of the 60's when there were space travels," "I associate it a lot with that" ""Look!" "What a magical thing, my mother came!";" "I saw them every..." "Two or three years went by and I even sometimes couldn't remember their voices;" "I lived that - bah, the memory I have, also very filtered perhaps - like an event." "And it also happened to me that they talked to me about a world" ", which was like Mars or Venus I don't know..." "The land where they lived..." "Now, by means of intellectuality I can talk to you about Carlos Casares, but I was never there." "Or as far as I gather, as I could talk to you about any other territory." "In those times, it made me feel very strange to hear about cows, the countryside, names of places, I don't know." "And I was living something different," "I was living the same life as my ailing roommates," "you can say, well not so exaggerated..." "Besides, what it was a strong contrast was that my roommates had their families all day long with," "and perhaps" "my daily family was theirs and not my own, in a sense;" "because they shared their food with me" "and one of the children's father sang me tangos and taught me boxing, and he was more like my father," "though I don't have the feeling he was my father, but it was a stronger experience than my own father." "When I told you..." "You can or can't you can make a life!" "..." "Not the same one but..." "Together with the rest, something of this is similar when I start studying;" "because there were other people here who studied Law, Psychology... but the question was," "or everybody told me:" "How are you going to do this, to read, operatively, concretely?" "So, well, it was "The Change" to me that was the change." "Though today it breaks my balls and I say:" "When will I fucking end up with all this and so on..." "It has to do with what I could do more than what I liked." "I would say it was the last option," "but I did choose it because I always liked to be read, and when I was in the sharpest stage at hospital," "some people came to read things like "Don Quixote", "The Little Prince"" ""Robin Hood"" "and it was the most beautiful moment of the day to me or perhaps the only nice day." "I liked listening to a voice reading about things from other worlds." "And I think I wasn't wrong." "Because although there are,things I am most interested there are some other disciplines I also like," "but I have access to them through letters." "For instance, I like history a lot," "that's why I use certain mental exercise... Well, some ailment no, no, no, some blunder it was that thing I described previously," "they didn't know what to do, they were moving everything." "And since I seemed to be the worst one from the health's point of view, I would say!" "..." "That is, it was as if they gave you a number, that is one, this one's two" "and this is the worst one, what's worse, he is blind and breathes like shit, what shall we do?" "Shall we kill him or do I we let him live and last?" "That stigma remained, even up to date you can feel something about it." "It was then that I am moved into Room 5 another strange experience because there were all women and me..." "Paralytic women but..." "Well..." "It doesn't matter..." "And I was twelve, that was from 1970 to 1973." "It was better than the other place..." "Than room two, being alone with the moribund, they were women." "All the same, I could feel the pressure of women speaking all the,time about women's stuff" "using another language, they were some years older than me, they might be between 18 or 20." "It was all a commotion to me should they undress me in front of the girls or should they place a folding screen so that they couldn't see my intimate parts?" "And I was there questioning to myself what was best whether to be happy because they were going to see me or the moral question they'd better not see me naked otherwise..." "And fuck it all, let them see me..." "I would be thrilled if that happened, see?" "But that was another story." "I still wanted to come here with my friends, you know? It was a moment that..." "Well..." "I have always been involved in politics and that was the lowest moment for me in politics, when everybody spread apart." "I'm talking about the 1990, 1991" "during Menem's administration, and there was.." "I can't say whether the whole world lived things like this but... at least things were such, here." "About flying saucers and with..." "We made all a ceremony down there in the park... turning around and meditating;" "a very crazy thing." "And I was listening to all of the esoteric programs which turned up in those days." "I remember that" "those who came to visit me were hallucinating about burned grass and that a UFO had landed" "it was all very crazy." "Mind you, something happened since I asked many people and they had seen the burned grass." "There was much of an explanation but I didn't quite believe the UFO thing." "I remember I was the whole night awake with that." "But what most amazed me was the idea of floating" "because it was supposed that they were lighter due to the lesser gravity and that they were moving with more freedom." "And I could imagine myself being in that place," "and floating and being able to..." "I imagined, "If I were on the moon, I might walk..."" "I don't know, because I can move myself a little." "I was 9 or 10, I don't remember how old I was by then." "I imagined..." "All the rest, the scientific subjects were not interesting to me by then," "but that part of it amazed me, the part of floating and moving;" "and then also the craters" "I don't know why they impressed me most." "I cannot explain why." "What else that's all that's the moon." "Nowadays" "I link the profane and the real, that may be so." "Somewhat Platonic, don't you think so?" "Did you notice that Plato divided the worlds into the ideal and the copied one." "And all the things related to university, literature, texts, abstractions would be in that area." "And this state of affairs that's the doxa but upside down from Plato." "This is real to me." "This doxa might be less interesting but... of course, Plato took the doxa as what is false" "and I, in fact, take it as what is real..." "This doxa, this shallower world." "But it is the real or at least what I can touch all the time." "Perhaps, this doxa doesn't arose me but that's what I have." "Well, I got entangled, stop it." "I remember that when I was moved from hospital and I went to the Ferrer Home," "my ultimate implication in that was somewhat," "it comes to me the word "morbid" but it is not..." "I though it could be." "When they were about to bathe us..." "I was sometimes bathed with a disabled woman since I wasn't able to see" "I couldn't see her but I dreamt they could see me." "My days passed thinking about this, which was like magic." "Besides, this didn't happen so often, after all." "And I was expecting it to happen." "Borges, of course" "because" "because of his blindness." "Besides, I remember that one day he was taken to a class I was supposed to attend and I missed him." "I missed the chance of that contact with him." "And not long ago" "I heard "The tigers' gold"" "where he describes the issue on colours where he says he can see yellow but not black." "It strikes me a bit all of his work but mostly because of his blindness." "I am thinking about another author the problem is I find it hard to tell:" "this one struck me in such a way..." "Because all of them strike me in a particular way." "I might say Cortázar," "but not his whole work;" "there are stories that strike me a lot." "Bioy Casares marvels me." "Some time ago, I read "The dream of the heroes"" "I found it extraordinary." "But I have some difficulty with poetry," "mainly with the subject of music on words." "I remember" "Vallejos struck me a lot that poem..." ""There are strikes like God's hate"" "and I had never thought about it..." "Many things didn't occur to me, but the music on those constructions, see?" "How!" "From God's hate..." "I turned around with that phrase, right?" "God hating and striking?" "Oh, look, someone wrote about this! There was a strong contrast between illness and disability, in those days it was not called like that." ""You are not ill but a guy with Polio sequels"" ""and you can have"" "experiences as anyone", it was like a leitmotiv." "Well, in my case," "everything was twice as much complicated." "The movie was to be told to me and they did so," "and today that looked natural but there was people who didn't want to do it then I missed the party" "not them, we played a video and they told me the film." "When I was 24" " I shouldn't be telling you this " "I was brought two girls disguised as nurses, not as social workers" "well, they brought some girls." "That was when I had my sexual initiation." "I got my first pension and I banked on my four mates..." "I spent all my money in dissolution and heresy." "Of course..." "In satisfaction." "Well, yes, I paid for the four of them." "Me and the other three mates." "It was spectacular well, no, so-so, it was not so..." "But the event really was so all the mise en scene, right?" "It was not so cool for me because I understood nothing" "I didn't know what it was all about." "Well, yes." "I sort of touched on the subject but... Yes..." "In water I generally had that feeling of welfare," "of being able to move a little more." "When I was in the sea" "and I remember because they had to hold me- there was a very strong wave coming, it was to me, I don't know may be it wasn't but..." "And I associate this with..." "I felt like a person throwing water on me, and I might imagine "God" or whatever," "but I associated that with the concrete idea of throwing water on me, with a jar!" "Because it came to me..." "Because I guess that all of you who see it coming, that water swaying and it came all of a sudden on me I didn't know when it was going to ..." "That overwhelmed me, see?" "..." "And it was amazing!" "..." "And I thought someone else was doing that. NORBERTO'S BEDSHEETS a video by Hernán Khourían" "(C) Copyright 2003 Hernan Khourian All rights reserved."