"How are you feeling?" "Bev?" "How are you feeling?" "If you don't pass this time, yeh?" "It's because of the nerves." "I've taught you everything you need to know..." "Yeh?" " You can drive!" " Sorry, sorry, can you not talk?" " What's the time?" " Come here." "Good luck!" "Go easy on the clutch, yeh?" "Hello, Beverly" "Please could you, err, prepare the car." "And, err, we'll start the test." "Please could you turn left." "Relax Beverly..." "Hand brake..." "into neutral..." "Engine..." "Into first..." "Accelerator... (Engine revved repeatedly!" ")" "Release the hand brake." "Release the hand brake, yeh, well I, 'cause I knew that, I just wasn't ready, so..." "Er, don't write that down will you?" "'Cause I was just, 'cause I was just, you know, getting warmed up, so..." "Are you Australian?" "New Zealand." "Yep!" "And left." "(CRASH!" ")" "(Dog barking)" "What the?" "Ohh..." "Ohh..." "It just came out of nowhere!" "Didn't he?" "!" " The vehicle was parked!" " Shall I carry on?" "I think I've seen enough, Beverly." "Please... turn the vehicle round." "OH!" "L've failed haven't I?" "!" " Please..." " Have I failed?" "!" "Just tell me!" " Please, turn the vehicle round!" " What, a three point turn?" "Right!" "(Engine starts)" "(Gears grind)" " Shall I?" "!" " No, I can do it" " I can do it!" "(Crunch!" ")" "(Revving engine!" ") (Crash!" ")" "Blind Spot!" "(Crunch!" ")" "(Revving engine!" ")" "How many times have you taken your driving test?" "Eight!" "Well, I am sorry I have to tell you, you have failed, again." "Yep!" "OK." "Thank you." "I'm sorry, Beverly." "Not that sorry... probably..." "You still get my thirty quid, don't ya?" "!" "Go travelling with!" "You have a nice time!" "I've failed!" "L've failed again!" " I'm so sorry." "I was that close!" " That close to missing it." "(Gasp!" ") He shouldn't have even been there!" "(Engine starts)" "Anyway, who has there milk delivered anymore?" "No one does!" " I'll drive you to work, yeh?" "I..." "I..." "Let me..." " I was in the zone..." "I really..." "I just..." "I didn't see him coming!" "I kept looking in my mirrors!" " Right, right" " You've got to look at the road, Bev!" " WELL OF COURSE I WAS LOOKING AT THE ROAD!" "I JUSTWASN'T LOOKING AT THAT PART OF THE ROAD!" " I know." " IT SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BEEN PARKED THERE!" "Just there... just pull over, right." "Calm down for a minute and let me drive." "I'm fine, I'm fine..." "I don't believe I've failed again!" "Please, please, Beverly, let me drive." "You're upset and emotional!" "Don't start winding me up, lan!" "Please, Bev, please, Bev." "Let me drive." "You're going to kill us!" "(Horn blasts!" ")" "Fine!" "Fine!" "I can't concentrate anyway with you GOING ON AT ME!" " Where you going?" " Where do you think I'm going?" "!" "BEV!" "Where you going?" "!" "What you doing?" " What you doing, Bev?" " Where's my bag?" "Where..." "Where you going?" "Bev, where you going?" "I can't concentrate anyway with you going on at me!" " Just let me drive you to work!" " No thank you I'll, get the bus!" "BEV, CALM DOWN AND GET IN THE CAR!" " (Manic giggle!" ")" " Watch the dial Gloria, watch the dial." "Keep your eye on the speed." " Slow down now, slow down!" " (Manic giggle!" ")" "Turn left at the next junction." "(Manic giggling!" ")" "That..." "You needed to turn left at that one, Gloria." "I didn't see it, I didn't see that!" "Now just..." "We'll pull over at the next opportunity." "I don't know what happened!" "(More giggles)" " You need to listen, Gloria." " You see, when I'm driving, I can't hear you." "It's like I'm flying!" "Well, even the Red Arrows need instruction." "The higher you fly the more you need to listen." "Yeh, but in Germany, on a u-bend, there's no speed limit." " You mean the 'autobahns'." " That's what I said." "Well you're not on the autobahns yet." "You've got good control of the car." "You just need to slow it right down..." "Hmmm?" "You keep an eye on the dial." "OK" "And we'll move off when you're ready." "OK..." "Bye..." "You know, I wouldn't mind doing it in a bed for a change." "No, alright, I'll call you tomorrow and we'll do it at your place." " Bye." " Bye." "You finished that?" "Oi, Bev!" "Bev!" "How did you get on with your test?" "How was test?" "I forgot to give you good luck card." "Thanks, Ivana." "It is very funny, yes?" "He is a tiny kitten, but has all this spaghetti on his little head." "Oh Chris?" "If you wish to wash your car can you please use the allotted space?" "Oh, sorry, I didn't realise." "It's your first week, why would you." "But don't let it happen again, OK." "Um, Fiona?" "Er, I wanted to ask I'd like to start using, um my driving aid with some of my pupils." "Um, I was just wondering if there was somewhere I could put it?" "Oh, Roger always wanted one of those." "Um, oh, err, pop it in the staff room." " OK, Thanks, thanks." " OK, bye" "Bev!" "Listen." "It's filthy down the fronts of my trousers." "Fancy giving me a spring clean?" "I'd have thought that was a job for Rent-o-Kill, Gerry." "So, how many times have you taken your test now, Bev?" "I'm not going to tell you, am I?" "!" " And, err, whose been teaching you?" " My partner, lan." "Well, maybe your partner isn't pressing the right buttons." "Let someone else have a go." "You know what I mean?" "Oh, you've got a filthy mind you have, Bev." "I am talking about professional driving lessons." "Tad-dah!" "Here." "Give my mate a bell." "What have you got to lose?" "!" "Try forty quid a week for starters." " Oh..." "If it all fails here's a tenner." " What for?" "Bus pass!" "Oh, Bev, Bev!" "Tell her I sent you!" "Hi guys." "Sorry, there's been a bit of a mix up." "'Cause your boss, right..." " Stuart." " Stuart, yeh." "He pays for it." "He's my uncle." "I specifically..." "I rang him this morning." "He said he would sort it all out." "So I think he's going to be really annoyed if you..." "The thing is... is, my mum, right." "She's the illegitimate daughter of his Dad." "So he feels guilty 'cause she was sort of ignored by the family and" "And, you know, it's all hush-hush, but..." "I'm not making it up!" "Ring him!" "Um, I haven't got err..." "It's ringing." "Hello, it's Beverly here, can I speak to Stuart?" "Oh, what, he's not there?" "Oh... oh no... oh..." "Can you take a mess..." "(Phone rings!" ")" "If bullshit paid for televisions, you'd have a state-of-the-art home cinema!" "Unfortunately we only take cash or debit cards." "Have a good day, madam!" "What did you let them in for?" "You don't have to let them in!" " Alfie answered the door." "They gave him a lolly." " Well, we're going to have tea soon!" " You want to take it off him, be my guest!" " Alfie!" "I want your lolly!" " NO!" " GIVE ME YOUR LOLLY!" "(Giggles)" "Dad." "I don't think we should have a telly anyway." "Madonna doesn't have a telly." "She won't let Lordes watch it." "That's because Madonna doesn't want Lords to see her with her flange hanging out." "DAD!" "And it's Lordes, not Lords!" "Mum, I'm going to do a joint honours degree." "But I can't decide between Oxford or Cambridge." " Where did you go?" " Mum went to Iceland!" "This washing's been sitting here since this morning." "Excuse me!" "Bev, I've been thinking of getting some rare breed owls." "They make a lot of money if they breed." "Still thinking about your test?" "No, I wasn't." "No." "But thanks for reminding me!" "What!" "I was just examining you." "You've passed my test." "I can't believe you perv me when I'm hanging out washing." "I perv you all the time." "You know what, lan?" "I've been thinking." "I'm going to start taking proper lessons." " What, pay someone?" " Yeh." "It's a total waste of money, Bev." "I care about you passing." "They don't!" "It's in their interest for you to fail to keep that rolling in." "No, lan." "No." "I think if I had a few lessons, with a professional instructor..." "That it really might help me." "Look, I don't think getting a professional instructor is going to change the fact that you are not a natural driver, Bev." "Well..." "Maybe you're not a natural teacher!" "Maybe you're not pressing the right buttons!" "I was out 'til eight o'clock last night, you know." " Oh, sounds early to me." " No, about eight o'clock in the morning, man." "Eight in the morning, well..." "I'll go easy on you." "Watch out." "Right." "Sophia was there last night, watching, man." "Didn't nothing happen!" " Uh-huh." "So it's a girl that you like?" " Brov, she's got them torpedoes like." "She's not fat though!" "She's got a good arse, still!" "You know what I'm saying?" "Well..." "I think you should tell her." "Not, not that obviously." "There's no magic to that." "No mystery!" "The girl's just want to be loved." "It's true you say, Romeo!" "I've just got to L.O.V.E. Her, you get me?" "Brov' I'm gonna turn her round and BLAH!" "Man's gonna bounce her down on my BIG," " FAT..." " STOP!" "(Screech!" ")" "Zebra crossing." "Pedestrian always has right of way." "I'm leaving anyway, Ivana." "I'm leaving." "Private homes." "Yeh?" "That's where I'm going." "Four houses a day." "Eighty quid." "Cash in hand!" "Yeh?" "You can use what you want, no red tape." "I've just got to pass my driving test." "You pass next time, hmm!" "Next time no milk float." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Correct lvana!" "Yes!" "Next time no milk float." "I'll have my own business then." "I'll be my own boss!" "You know!" " You should do it!" " No..." "Two years I work here..." "Then build house in Ukraine." "I'll buy land now..." " What?" "You bought the land?" " Six bedrooms, swimming pool, Jacuzzi..." "My father, he build." "You will come?" "Oh yes!" "Oh yeh, we'll be there!" "Oh yeh!" "You won't be able to get rid of us!" "Right!" "What I want to do is assess your capabilities." "Sort of informal profiling to find out who you would be best placed with in terms of you..." " Your... energy." "That kind of thing." " Right!" "How much are these lessons?" "They are worth it." "I assure you!" "OK, engine's running..." "Into gear..." "Check those mirrors..." "And hand brake..." "Well done!" "I don't have the husband or children, but I do have the business." "And to be honest, Beverly, I could not give up my independence, financial or otherwise." "Men, in my experience, take and take and take!" "Of course I don't have to tell you that, you're married to one!" "No, yeh." "I mean with lan we've been together since we were at school." "Sweet!" "I suppose you're fed up now and want a bit of fun, right?" " Yeh, I suppose..." " Ohh!" "Going for a bit of a wonder there." "Just, just reign it in a bit shall we?" " What about you?" " Oh God, I'm single!" "I mean there is someone." "He's professional, but... he also models part time and he works with handicapped children, so..." "What doe your husband do?" " He's an entrepreneur..." " Oh, right." "And he works part time in a pork pie factory." "I met my ex-husband at, um, a business convention." "And he was a go getter like me..." "We divorced last year..." "What do you do?" " I've got my own business!" " Ohh." " Yeh." "Eco Friendly Cleaning." " Uh-huh." "Bev, you're doing the right thing." "Get a life..." "Get the independence..." "So, when the bastard leaves you can stand on your own two feet!" "What out!" "Oops!" "That's my money plant." "We don't want anything happening to him, do we?" "I think I have just the right teacher for you, Beverly!" "The point of this exercise is to help you practice challenging driving scenarios" "But in the safety of the classroom." "And this will help you build confidence... when you're on the road." "So, John, if you could start the engine..." "Check your mirrors..." "Indicate..." "And... pull away." "That's it!" "Remember your blind spot." "A wonderful performance." "So..." "Driving..." "Driving..." "Driving..." "Always watch the signs!" "Now!" "John!" "I want you to check your mirrors..." "Apply pressure to the brake..." "Once you've slowed right down..." "change down into first..." "Come to a halt..." "And apply the hand brake." "(Bell rings!" ")" "Train is still coming, John." "What actions do you need to take to secure the car, John?" "Train's still coming, John." "OH, MY GOD!" "Err..." "I'm so sorry." "I panicked." "Alright." "Secure the vehicle, John, finish the exercise." "Yes!" "Excellent!" "Excellent!" "Remember, always focus on what you did right." "Not on what you did wrong." "That way you'll grow in confidence, and with that confidence will come success." " Oh!" "Fiona!" "Um." "Can I have a word?" " Do you want to pop into the office?" "Um, yeh!" "Um, that's it for today." "Are you alright?" " Yes." "Thank you very much." " Good lesson." "Same again next week." "What can I help you with, Chris?" "I've got some stuff from the bank to get through." "Um." "I'm just... err... on a designated break and I just wanted to discuss a couple of things with you." "Fire away, Christopher!" "Fire!" "It's quite a nice, um, seg-way, actually." "Smoking in the staff room." "It's illegal now." "And, with my asthma..." "I just can't tolerate it." "Well, Roger just felt that if we had instructors that smoked they shouldn't be made to feel like second class citizens." "I see..." "I hadn't thought about it from their perspective." "Well." "I'm a Buddhist and I like to try to see everything from everyone else's perspective." "That sounds exhausting." "Well, I suppose we're all just getting used to life without Roger." "Yes, of course." "It takes awhile to get used to things, doesn't it?" "You must miss him." " When did he... die?" " Who?" "Roger..." "Your husband, Roger." "He's not dead!" "He ran off with a pupil." "He lives in Stoke." "Oh!" "I'm sorry." " Um..." "Are these pupils paying anything extra for these sessions?" "Um..." "Well..." "No..." "It's selfish really." "I just..." "I love it when they pass!" "Um." "You know." "You get these learners who are just brimming with confidence and..." "They take ten lessons." "And they get a little run around from Daddy when they pass." "And... don't get me wrong." "They deserve it as much as anyone, but... but it's the ones who really struggle that I get a kick out of, so to speak." "Well, would there be enough space in here?" " You're not a smoker then?" " No." "I gave it up a year ago." "Well, if it wasn't... err, too much of an imposition for you" "I suppose that would keep everyone happy..." "Fine!" "Thank you." "Oh, you have another client as well." "Err..." "Beverly Baldwin." "Starting Monday, 10 o'clock." " OK..." "OK." "Thank you." " OK, bye bye!" "(Bong!" ")" "(Buddhist chant)..." "What is it?" "(Crystal bell ringing!" ")" "(Buddhist chant again)" "When driving a horse and cart, avoid roundabouts where ever possible." "If you use them, you should..." "signal right... when riding across exits..." "to show you're not leaving." "Signal left just before you leave roundabout." "What do I care?" "I'm not driving a bleeding horse and cart, am I?" " How much you got?" " 113 pounds and 57 pence." "Dad's going to change it up into notes for me." "It will go further in France, as well." " Hello!" "Beverly!" "Hi, I'm Chris!" "Yeh, yeh." "Not here for a nice little chit chat!" "Yeh?" "We're on the clock!" "Just teach me!" "OK..." "Right..." "Let's see what you can do!" " Right..." "OK..." " OK, Beverly, whenever you are ready..." "What?" "Right..." "OK... (Engine starts)" "Right..." "OK... (Car horn sounds)" "Right..." "Lovely!" "Lovely!" "You a Christian?" "I'm not." "I'm nothing." "Does that matter?" "No." "It doesn't matter." "Avoid those parked cars, Beverly." "They're closer than they seem." " So, are you like..." "like a proper Christian?" " I think as your teacher it would be... inappropriate to discuss my religious beliefs." "Oh, right!" "But are you?" " Is that a no then?" " I won't discuss it." " Come on!" "No one's gonna know!" " I'm really..." "I won't discuss it." "You should be proud of it!" "I tell you, there's enough of the other!" " There should be more of it." "Of all of it!" " And taking the next turning on the left..." "'Cause he's got a Volvo, you see." "That's gonna be my business vehicle." "'Cause I'm gonna be, umm, like an eco cleaner..." "Ya know..." "It doesn't sound right, does it?" "I think, err..." "Green Clean sounds better." "(Bump!" ") Ohh!" "OK?" "Yeh!" "I'm gonna like clean people's houses with umm, tea tree oil and vinegar." "(Gears grind!" ")" "My daughter says all the umm... all the bleachy stuff kills the fish and plankton ...and it effects the umm, ya know, the err..." " Put your hand on the wheel there, Beverly." " Right..." "Right..." "Gently does it!" " Yep." "Like a scourer." "If you press too hard the surface comes off." "Right!" "Yeh..." "She's umm, she's doing a joint honours degree." "At umm..." "Oxford and Cambridge!" "How old is she?" "Well, she's not... she's not doing it now, but she will do... she will do, she wants to." "Thank you, Beverly." "Well done." "(Ignition switched off)" "So, am I gonna pass my test, then?" " With practice, yes. 100%, yes you are." " Alright, swear on that cross then!" "Ahh, no!" "Alright, swear on the Smurf!" "My Rock Smurf?" "Well, I dunno, I mean I'm paying for these lessons." "I need to know your not sitting there thinking" " Oh yeh, ya know, we've got a right one 'ere!" "Kerching!" "Kerching!" "'Cause I can't afford that!" "I can't afford to have someone stringing me along." "So Jesus or Rock Smurf!" "Ah-ha." "Well then, Beverly, I swear on this Rock Smurf that you will pass your test." "Alright." "So, if I don't pass now, the Smurf get it!" "Alright, thank you Beverly, just drive on in your own time." "(Engine starts!" ")" "(Hammering!" ")" "(Drilling!" ")" "Bloke said it used to be all about birds of prey." "But since Harry Potter," "Owls have gone through the roof- Metaphorically speaking." "And how much metaphorical money did you metaphorically spend on these metaphorical owls?" "The point is, Bev, I might have spent two hundred or so quid..." "But it is money in the bank!" "What?" "What?" "Like the hotdog rickshaw?" "!" "Or the time you gave those women two hundred quid because they said in a week you'd have two grand?" "!" "That might still come!" "Or the time you bought all those nock-off Nikes?" "!" " Oh, they were fifty quid for the lot!" " That's because they were all left feet, lan!" " I still sold some!" " One pair!" "To Alchy Allen!" " He still wears them, Bev!" " That's 'cause he's always drunk!" "Bev!" "Will you calm down?" "!" "You shouldn't spend our money without telling me!" " I did tell you." " No you didn't!" " I did!" " NO YOU DIDN'T!" "The cheque for my driving lessons is gonna bounce now!" "How much?" "Hundred and eighty." "You don't don't think I should get the Orangutans then?" "(Answer phone playback)" "Hi ya, it's Mandy from Christian Connections," "Umm..." "I just wanted to be honest and up front really and tell you that I definitely don't think we fit." "Umm..." "Oh, that's a relief actually!" "Umm..." "I thought you were a little bit boring." "And not my physical type, at all!" "Umm... just wanted to let you know that in case you thought otherwise." "It's better to be honest, I think." "Umm..." "Well good luck!" "And..." "God bless you, Christopher!" "Oh, Gerry, what am going to do with you?" "I'm ready to settle down and have..." "You know..." "What ever, and... here I am dating Mr Commitment." "So..." "It's not great is it?" "Are we dating?" "Come here!" "Come on!" "Come here!" "You know what?" "I think you are creating a problem where there isn't one." "See, the beauty of what we've got is it's simple..." "It's just two people..." "Loving each other..." "I know." "I just feel like something's wrong." "There's nothing wrong." "Fiona!" "I'm a smoker!" "Yeh!" "And as such I have to accept that the small pleasure I get from puffing on this fag is something I will inevitably have to relinquish." "Given the prohibitive and, frankly, invasive laws that infringe upon it." "Now, the staff room was somewhere different." "Or so I thought!" "Apparently, he's got asthma!" "Now you would think, as that puts him in a minority he'd be the one that has to stand out here!" "Yep!" "Your comments have been noted and will be incorporated." "Umm..." "I was wondering if you might be able to write me another cheque?" " That last one was... faulty!" " Oh." "I have had a nightmare with faulty cheques, recently!" "Uh..." "You wouldn't believe it!" "You know..." "Don't get me started!" "No, I rang the bank and it will all be sorted by next week." "Well, don't worry, you know." "I trust you." "Right lets get this road on the show!" "Gently does it!" "As if you were polishing a Chippendale!" "You know, you'd be quite handsome, if you got a haircut!" "Yeh!" "...And checking your blind spot, Beverly." "Stay in your lane, Beverly." "Keep to the left!" "Unless you see parked cars up ahead." "Just keeping in the flow of traffic..." "Nice..." "Keep things moving... (Screech!" "Horns sound!" ")" "OK!" "And... pull away." "(Car horn!" ")" "(Gears grind!" ")" " What the rush, eh?" " Well you just..." "You told me to go!" "In your own time, Beverly." "(Car horn!" ")" "Ever thought about what that means?" "In your own time." "Hmm?" "That's what this life of yours is about." "Your own time." "No one else's." "There's time for everything." "What you waiting for, Beverly?" " I'm in everyone's way!" " Ah!" "Do you know that song..." "Take Your Wheel?" "Oh, that's such a good song." "Paul Collins and the Learners!" "1992... the 50/50 Tour." "It was great times... (Sings a few bars of song)... guy behind, driving blind... don't let him get to you... babe!" "Oh..." "I know this one!" "Yes..." "It's really mad." "...the cars around you might irritate..." "...gotta drive on, never procrastinate the road ahead ain't gonna deviate... (Song fades up)... follow the road signs..." "stay on the marked lines avoid the speed fines, baby, take your wheel see how it feels to take your wheel..." "(Air guitar effects)" "Hands on the steering wheel, Beverly." "That's it." "See, lovely." "Smooth as silk..." "Smooth as silk." "Lovely..." "That's it." "Good, you see!" "?" "I'm knackered!" "How was your lesson?" "I think I'm gonna pass, with him." "I mean, he's a bit of a Jesus freak..." "But I like him." "I really, really like him!" " Yeh..." "Well, umm..." " Eh, What?" "They don't want part-timers any more, so me and Senita have been let go." "Ah..." "I'm really sorry, Bev." "You're going to have to stop the lessons for awhile." "Oh, right..." "I thought you got on with John?" "I did." "I do..." "It's just one of those things." "I'm really sorry, Bev." "But we just can't afford your lessons at the moment" "But it's not we is it?" "Lan, it's me." "I can't afford my lessons because I'm picking up your slack!" "I know..." "I, I know, Bev..." "I know and I'm really sorry." "Why don't..." "Why don't I start teaching you again?" "You know." "You've had a few lessons with this Chris bloke." "...Picked up a few tips..." "Yeh?" "Why don't I start taking you out again?" "Yeh, I suppose so." "I've been missing our little lessons together." "I'll take you out tomorrow, yeh?" "Ok." "Yeh, yeh, alright..." "Feels odd driving this after Chris' Peugeot." "Feels really cranky." "Well I do apologies if it's not up to the usual standards of Chris' Peugeot!" "I'm not saying that, lan." "I'm just saying it's different!" "Right... right..." "You're making the same mistakes again!" "See, your... your straining the engine!" "So what do you do?" "You need to move up a gear!" "(Gears grind!" ")" "Go..." "Go gently, alright!" " So what are your views on religion?" " You what?" "You're in third, you're in third." "Into fourth!" "It's just Chris and I talk about things..." "you know... just what current affairs..." " Watch out." "You're too close to him." " I was nowhere near him!" " You were too close to him..." " I was nowhere NEAR HIM!" " Where you going?" " I don't know!" " It's a dual carriageway you silly..." " It's not illegal!" " Indicate... indicate!" " Look behind me... is there a car behind me?" "Just go..." "Go." "Just go... go, go, go!" "(Car horn sounds!" ")" "Christ!" "Beverly!" "Keep it on... yes!" "Just keep it here." " What gear am I in?" " Never mind what gear you're in." " Pull back!" "Pull back a bit!" " I want to over take!" " I want to over take!" " No!" " I'm gonna over take!" " No..." "No, no, no!" " Indicate!" "(Car horn sounds!" ")" "I could have gone then." "I could have gone!" "Right!" " Get off!" " We are coming off!" " We are coming off here!" " I CAN DO IT!" "...GET OFF!" "GET OFF!" " We are getting off of this dual carriageway!" " I CAN DO IT!" "GET OFF, IAN!" "So, Beverly, check your mirrors..." "Check your blind spot..." "Release the hand brake..." "And off we go!" "I'm giving up driving, lan." "There's just no point if I can't have professional lessons." "There's no need to be like that, Bev!" "We just got to get used to each other again, that's all." "Maybe I don't want to get used to you again." "Charming that is, isn't it!" "I'd rather give up if we can't afford Chris." "Overcoming nerves is the real challenge when taking your test." "You need to show the examiner you're in control, so if in doubt take as much time as you want." " Can I hum?" " Yes you can hum." "Sorry I'm late." "Sorry." "The bus didn't come so I walked." " Indicate..." "Release the hand brake..." " Chris." "Chris, I've got the money for you." " Give it to me at the end." " Yeh." "Now." "Slowly release the clutch..." "Gently down on the gas..." "Now." "Can anyone tell me what this sign is?" "Urban Clearway." " Excellent!" " Gosh, well done!" "Top marks!" "As you approach a zebra-crossing look out for people waiting to cross and be ready." "And will you turn left, Beverly?" "Yes I will Mr Examiner." "I will turn left." "And is it a bus lane?" "No." "Carry on." "Remember, mirrors-signal-manoeuvre." "Well done, Beverly." "Very good." "Very good." "You're a very good little driver." "You've got to do it this time, Bev." "Lets get this show on the road." "Liquorice?" " I prefer Peardrops." " Peardrops, right!" "Fine!" "Listen." "Umm..." "Gloria's going for her test." "A few of my, umm, group are coming along to support her." "Umm, we're meeting for drinks afterwards" " if you want to come?" " Yes." "Ok." "Great!" "Ok, John." "I think it's time we got this car moving." "I am ready, sir!" "We'll stay in first, so don't have to worry about the gears." "Now." "How did that feel?" "You know after my breakdown I left the theatre and began a stint at Cranks" "Vegetarian Restaurant, but I would not serve on the counter." "It was as though I could not perform, even for a queue of vegans!" "So I stayed behind the scenes, slicing flapjack and so on." "Well, seeing as you're doing so well now, how about trying reverse?" "Why not!" "I'm on a roll!" "Where you going?" "Umm." "It's a leaving do for Ukrainian lvana." "I told you about it." "You look nice." "Oh, thanks." "I..." "I PASSED!" "Hello!" "You know." "He nearly failed me because I was too cautious!" "That's right." "She thought he said she'd failed, but she didn't hear him." "Yes." "I just looked at him and said, what on?" "No." "He smiled and said, No Gloria, you've passed, not failed." "You drove magnificently!" "And I was like..." "ARRRRRGH!" "Right!" "Err, shall I get anyone a drink?" " Um, yes please, um, lemonade!" " Lemonade would be great, thank you." "I'll have a lemonade, thank you very much." "Dad!" "Dad!" "She did it." "She did it!" "SHE DID IT!" "She did it!" "Come on!" "Do we eat them?" "That would be an expensive omelette!" "No, Alfie..." "No, we wait for them to hatch." " Umm, I like your new hair cut." "Oh, thanks, thanks." "It was more a, umm, just a, err, restyle than an actual cut." "Actually makes you look like Russell Crowe." "It only cost f7!" "You never told me in your, umm, interview." "Why did you leave your last job?" "Oh." "It was, err, more of a case of me wanting to leave Girvan." "Girvan." "Where's Girvan?" "Oh, it's on the coast of Scotland." " My fiance and I split up." " Oh..." "And she's still living there?" "Oh, no, no, she moved to Torquay." "With her new boyfriend." "It's a horrid place." "They actually bought a pub together, which is funny 'cause she doesn't drink, so..." "Nightmare!" "My ex-husband ran a pub with his first wife, umm... absolutely horrendous!" "So what... what was it that happened with you and your ex-husband?" "Oh, umm, I wanted children and he wanted to wait and concentrate on the business." "And then, two weeks before my thirty sixth birthday he ran off with some girl!" " No..." " Yep!" "So that's a birthday I'll never forget!" "Got so drunk I couldn't see and ended up on a train to Penrith!" "Umm, actually, why Pentrith?" "I love the Lake District." " Yes!" "So do I!" " No?" "Yes, I really do, yeh!" "I'm gonna get a red camper van, yeh, and put a white star on it..." "Then after Europe, it's the Grand Canyon!" "Is this my drink?" "Yes, yes it is." " Bev!" " It's alright." "I don't know why I'm crying." "I just..." "I just don't know what I'm going to do if I fail again." "Sorry." "I'm really embarrassed." "Prize idiot!" " You won't be failing..." " Bev, don't do that." "You're gonna pass, Bev." " We're here together." "If I can chose..." " Don't think like that..." "Now come along..." " Here's to Gloria..." "Cheers..." " It's your time... exactly..." " How's it going with your guy?" " Oh, it's very early days and I don't want to speak too soon, but I think this could be the one." "Well you know him anyway." "He gave you my card." "Not Gerry?" "Well don't say it like that..." "What?" "No nothing, nothing, no..." "Nothing..." "He's not married is he?" "Is he?" "!" "No, no!" "Definitely not." "No." "Gerry's not married." "No he's definitely not married." "I mean, he might be." "I don't know him." "I don't really know him, Fiona." "Do you know what I mean." "I don't really know him." "Well, as I said, you know it's It's early days" "It's the honeymoon period, you know so..." "Well..." "You know what I mean." "My mum used to say, if you can imagine him changing your catheter bag when you're eighty, then he's the one!" "Umm, Beverly, there was something I wanted to talk to you about." "I think you're ready to take your test." "Can't believe it." "I think you're such a wonderful man, Chris." "Oh!" "Oh no!" "No, no Beverly!" "No, no!" "Please!" "Please!" "You're a married woman!" "I'm..." "I'm your instructor!" "And a member of the DVLA!" "Yeh..." "No, I-I just thought, I just thought that our..." "I don't know." "I don't know what I thought." "I just don't feel like I can go on like this any more..." "It's just too painful for both of us..." "And I just..." "I just want you to leave me alone..." "And the truth is..." "I can't imagine you changing my catheter bag!" "Have you got that?" "Yep, yep..." "Too painful for both of us..." "Catheter bag." "Thank you very much..." "Good bye." "Oh!" "It's only me." "Are you OK?" "You must think I'm a complete harridan!" "I just don't know what to do, Chris!" "Roger's left the business in such a mess..." "I just... don't know if I can handle it all." "You're doing fine, Fiona, you are." " Do you want to take your coat off?" " No, I'm fine." " How are things with Gerry?" " Oh..." "Broken up!" " Ahh..." " It's finally all over." "What..." "What was that all about?" "Ridiculous..." "Dead end relationship!" "Ohh, Chris!" "You're so sweet!" "You've always reminded me of this boy I used to go to school with..." " Called Francis Jarmin..." "He wheezed!" " He what?" "He wheezed!" "And I adored him!" "Would you like to come to church with me?" "!" " I'm a Buddist!" " I'm an Anglican... we're desperate!" " Now that is a surprise!" " I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing!" "Morning, Mum!" "Oh, gosh!" "You're a lovely girl..." "Do you know that?" "You're a lovely..." "lovely girl!" "You know..." "You can be anything you want to be." "Just..." "Put your mind to it..." "What ever it is." "And you go for it!" " Promise me, Juanita!" " I promise." "Good girl!" "Oh." "Mum." "Have you seen my savings tin anywhere?" "Umm..." "No." "No." "Have you looked under your bed?" "Yeh..." "I'll help you look for it." "It'll turn up." "Thanks." "Got a couple of minutes to go." "Do you want a tic-tac?" "There was something I want to talk to you about..." "Umm..." "You know..." "When I..." " The other night..." " Yep." "And then..." "I'm very sorry about what I did." "See, lan and I..." "We've been having a hard time, but that's..." "You know..." "I just... wanted to say I'm sorry to embarrass you." "Don't worry about it, Beverly, I understand..." "Umm... the course of true love never runs smooth... we can all feel vulnerable..." "Umm..." "Umm..." "I'll tell you a secret, actually." "Umm..." "I'm in love!" "With Fiona!" "So!" "What, you've?" "No!" "No!" "No-no." "No!" "No..." "I want to take it slowly..." "Umm..." "Invited her to church..." "I don't think that's a very good idea, Chris!" "I don't think you're very suited to each other." "She's not your type!" "Uh-huh..." "What do you mean?" "What about your reputation at the DVLA and all that stuff?" "Well..." "I think me having a relationship with Fiona is... is... is very different to me having a relationship with you!" "Yeh!" "I suppose you'll get a lot further..." "Shagging your boss!" " Oh, Beverly!" "That's... that... that..." " I just thought..." "It might bother you..." "Mr Christian!" "That she's having an affair with a married man!" " Gerry's married?" " You haven't got a clue, have you?" "!" "Good afternoon, Beverly." "Nice to see you again." "Please prepare the car and, err..." "Pull off when you're ready." "Right!" "(Engine starts!" ")" "Could you turn left..." "Please..." "Thank you, Beverly." "So, if you'd like to, err..." "pull off in your own time." "(Horn sounds!" ")" "Oi, mate!" "Get off my arse!" "Mirror..." "Signal..." "Manoeuvre." "Thank you, Beverly." "If you could continue down the road..." "And pull over after the zebra crossing." "Bev!" "Beverly!" "Beverly, what you?" "Beverly, what the hell's going on?" "Who's this?" "Who's..." "Who's this bloke?" "Is that him?" "Beverly!" "What the hell's going on?" "!" "(Engine is revved!" ")" "Wo!" "Beverly!" "Wo!" "Hey!" "Bev!" "Stop the car!" "Wo!" "Wo!" "Wo!" "Wo!" "(Wheels spin!" ")" "BEVERLY!" "Oi!" "Who the heck was that?" "!" "Some nutcase?" "He called you Bev!" "I'm sorry to have to tell you, you have not passed your driving test, Beverly." "You tried to run over a man at a zebra crossing!" "I'm sorry, Beverly." "I..." "I sense how much this means to you." "Gerry, it's over, you're married!" "I want to leave her, Fiona!" "But I can't do that to her!" "I can't hurt her like that!" "Well, I hope someone loves me like that one day." "I do!" "I love you like that!" "I want more than this." "I'm always waiting for you, Gerry." "You know I'm waiting for you to turn up..." "Waiting for you to do or say just one thing that would justify me being with you, but..." "You never do!" "It's..." "It's no biggy, Gerry." "I can't live my life without you, girl!" "It's you..." "Morning, Chris!" "How's it hanging?" "Do you mind?" "!" "Sorry to interrupt." "Just needed to tell Fiona something." "Err..." "Thought you might like to know that Bev just failed her test." " Chris!" "I..." " I'm..." "Umm..." "I'm leaving..." "Gear Change." "Yeh!" "I'm..." "Yeh, I'm!" "Oh..." "Twat!" "THIS IS A NO SMOKIN AREA, YOU..." "BASTARD!" "Oi!" "You..." "Behave!" "CHRIS!" "Who is he?" "Gerry!" "I'm not going to say sorry to you!" "Because at this moment..." "I hate you!" "I really, really, hate you!" "I failed because of you!" "And my whole life is a shit because of you!" "There you go, Bev." "Now you know how I feel." "Well lets just separate then shall we." "Lets just go our separate ways." " I do everything on my own, anyway." " No, you don't!" " You don't do everything on your own, Bev!" " Then why do I feel like I'm bled dry?" "Like there is never anything left for me!" "Why do I never order my own portion of fish and chips..." "And just eat everyone's left-overs?" "!" "Because you never ask for your own portion of fish and chips." " Well why don't I?" " I don't blood know!" "Is that why you took Juanita's money?" "Because you don't order a haddock and a wally?" "!" "I was going to put the money back, lan!" "Don't make out like I'm some kind of monster!" "Why..." "Why are you so obsessed with these lessons?" "Because I want to pass my driving test!" "Because I need a life outside of this family!" "Because I need to feel like I can achieve something!" "Chris was great." "He was such a good teacher!" "He listened to me..." "He focused..." "On me!" "He made feel..." "Like I was really going to do it!" "Like my stupid, pathetic little dream counted." " Are you having an affair with him?" " Oh..." "Of course I'm not!" "I tried to kiss him, but he turned me down!" "I'm trying the best I can, Bev!" "You are not the only one who is making sacrifices in this family." "You took Juanita's money, Bev!" "She..." "She understood, Bev!" "Because you're not going through this life all on your own..." "We are here going through it with you." "Every bloody test you do!" "Willing you to pass!" "So we don't have to go through this anymore!" "And you don't appreciate us." "You... me..." "You don't!" "When did you kiss him?" "I didn't..." "I didn't..." "I didn't kiss him." "Well, I tried..." "But..." "He turned me down." "Why would he want me?" "!" "You're the most beautiful woman in the world to me!" "No..." "It's not Brands Hatch, Thomas." "It's Toby." "What ever!" "Just slow sown and keep checking your wing mirrors." "It's a 40mph zone!" "So it is." "Well just... just you turn right here." "You normally indicate in the direction you're turning." "Stupid idiot!" "You're the stupid idiot!" "I'm sorry?" "!" " You are the stupid idiot!" " Alright, just calm down, calm down!" "You're supposed to be teaching us, you know." "Remember that!" " Things was never like this with Chris!" " Just chill out!" "Why don't you chill out?" "!" "I'd hold onto something if I was you, mate!" "(Accelerates away!" ")" "Arrrrrgh!" "(Tyres screech!" ")" "That's it, John." "Engine's started." "Lets go for a drive." "You know I-I don't, err, generally tend to leave the forecourt." " Chris just lets me hang, you know, here." " Yep!" "Well you're not with Chris now." "You know I must press the point, me lord!" "I'm not o-fay with the carriage way!" "What ever you're comfortable with, John!" "(CRASH!" ")" "(Horn sounds!" ")" "Everything's fine, Miss Ryan." "You can go now." "I just wanted to check..." "Did you know you were pregnant?" "Hi!" "Hi ya, Bev!" "Ahh..." "I'm so sorry." "I tried to call to say I was fine." "Well, I am fine." "You sounded pretty upset on the phone, so..." "I'm sorry!" "I don't know what's the matter with me..." " I'm so sorry!" " Shhh..." "It's alright..." "It's alright!" "It's good news!" "It's good news, isn't it?" "Well, it's hardly the fairy tale I planned." "You know... single!" "And..." "Up the duff with a fling from a married man." "I mean..." "I'm happy about the baby." "I'm over the moon!" "But..." "I'm in love with Chris!" "I've made a right mess of it, haven't I?" "Have you called him?" "I won't know what to say!" "The path of true love never runs smooth." "And we can all feel a little..." "Vulnerable, sometimes." "I'm not going to say that to him, am I?" "!" "Just... tell him that you're sorry, you know." "And that you love him." "Mum, Mum!" "Mum, Mum!" "One of the owls are ill!" " Where's Dad?" " I dunno, Mum." "She's III!" "We've got to save her, Mum." "And the eggs!" "We'll lose the eggs without her!" " They won't hatch!" " Sweetheart, the nearest vet's in Cambourne." "I'd have to drive." "I've got them!" "I've got the keys!" "I've found them!" "Alright?" "!" "Right, I'm going to get us there safely, alright?" "!" " Just put your seat belt on." " Alright, Mum." "Right..." "Lets get this road on the show... (Engine starts!" ")" "Here we go to Timbuktu!" "Everything's clear..." "So on we go!" "Lovely, Beverly..." "Well done..." "Very nice..." "This is nice, isn't it, Alfie?" "Yes, Mum." "I'm checking the speed..." "I'm on the limit!" "I haven't gone over!" "It's Gerry!" "GERRY!" "GERRY!" "We've got an emergency!" "I didn't know she'd passed her test!" "She hasn't." "My owl is ill!" "We've got to bring her to the vet!" "Before her eggs get cold..." "And she dies!" "You what?" "!" "His owl!" "It's a bird, Gerry!" "TWIT-TWOO!" "You know!" "We've got to get it to the vet!" " Is everything still quiet at home?" " Not a peep." "Nothing's come in." "Well, lets help her out then, eh!" "(Police Siren!" ")" "What do you think about that then, Alfie?" "(Barking and birds calling!" ")" "Hey..." "Any news?" "No..." "Well..." "You got here in the nick of time!" "Well done you!" "Those eggs wouldn't have survived without their mother." "I can see why you've taken such good care of your little family." "When they hatch, they'll be worth a lot of money." "Ah..." "Thanks, Bev." "So, err..." "How was the drive over?" "It was magic, Dad!" "She didn't knock into anything!" "I was alright." "You know..." "I was a bit cronky with the gears..." "You know..." "When you turn 17, Juanita, I'm going to buy you ten lessons." "And that's a promise!" "Come here!" " So, umm..." "Do you want to drive us back then?" " Oh, I don't know!" "Maybe she should take her test first." "You know, so it would be legal!" "Yeh." "Well..." "She's got a point!" "What?" "Take my driving test again?" "Only if you all don't mind." "Oh, we can afford it now!" "Go for it, Mum!" "Oh!" "I love you all so much!" "(Ringing tone)" "Hi Chris, It's, umm..." "Fiona." "I've called because I just wanted to make sure, umm... before you move on, which..." "I fully expect you to do, and I wouldn't blame you for doing." "I just..." "I needed to say that, umm... me and Gerry have broken up... umm..." "Completely, and I..." "I'm... truly sorry for hurting you and that... (Pre-recorded voice) You have 10 seconds to finish your call!" "Umm..." "I would like to be your friend." "I would!" "What I really mean is I... (End of message beep!" ")" "I love you!" "Chris!" "Fiona." "I wanted to see you." "Brought you some Peardrops!" "Come on, Bev!" "Come on, Bev!" "Come on, Bev!" "Come on, Bev!" "Come on, Bev!" "May I say, on behalf of all of us..." "So sorry..." "Congratulations!" "Oh!" "There's Fiona..." " Hi Fiona!" " Hi everyone!" " Hi!" " Hi!" " I've brought some refreshments..." " Oh, how lovely..." " I'm starving..." " What about humus and pineapple, tuck in and I'll..." " Ohm..." "Ian?" " Have you already had one?" "Let it go, my love..." "Let that tension go!" " Humus and pineapple?" " Well..." "I suppose she has her reasons..." "I can't quite place what they are..." "Her she is!" "Here she is!" "I can't cope with this." "This is doing my nut in!" "Breath, breath, lan!" "Breath!" "Well, Beverly, I'm going to give you your test results, now..." " ARRRRRRRRRRGH!" " Oh, no!" "Ohhh!" "I PASSED!" "(Jubilant screams!" ")" "(Fade up song, "Tale Your Wheel")" "Oh..." "Bugger it!" "I'll just use the multi-storey!"