"Next stop, secretary Schrute will read the minutes from Sunday's meeting." "Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night." "No, Jim." "{\*This meeting}It's for Knights of the Night only." "Knights of the Night are volunteer crime patrollers." "We're{\* often} compared to the Guardian Angels, but we couldn't be more different{\* from them}." "Seriously, we are nothing like the Guardian Angels." "I mean, broad strokes purposes, sure." "Think Guardian Angels." "One of our many recent good deeds." "We set out to capture the Scranton Strangler." "Mission accomplished." "Not by us." "I'm{\* actually} just looking for my BlackBerry, so carry on." "I see how this movie ends." "You make fun of me, everyone laughs." "Screw you." "Dwight, don't be bothered by your friend's presence." "{\*What are you gonna do }Now you gonna make fun of our leader's weird voice?" "Dwight, don't be bothered..." "Over the line." "I'm just looking for my phone, so pretend I'm not here." "Fine." "Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night." " It's our official name." " Sounds good." "Reflective strips were glued to patrol jackets." "Knights went outside with flashlights to test them." "Smart." "And the rest was just boiler plate stuff that's..." "Go ahead and read it, some people weren't here." "Knights stayed outside to play flashlight tag." "Come on." "That sounds awesome." " It was pretty cool." " Was it?" "It was pretty awesome." "No, I got it." "Just leaving now." " Feygnasse Team " ".:" "La Fabrique :." "{\pos(270,155)}7x13 :" "Ultimatum" "January 3, 2011." "A day which will live infamously." "Holly Partridge Flax, otherwise known as Holly, otherwise, otherwise known as a living, breathing angel, is engaged to another man." "This is freaking me out." "Let's switch to the happy video." "No, let's push through." "We'll do this." "{\pos(120,268)}Today will either be the best or the worst day of my life." "{\pos(120,268)}Holly gave AJ an ultimatum." "{\pos(120,268)}He either proposes by New Year or they break up." "{\pos(120,268)}Now if she's engaged," "{\pos(120,268)}I'm gonna go crazy and{\* I'm gonna} start attacking people." "{\pos(120,268)}If she's not engaged, in all honesty," "{\pos(120,268)}I may{\* just} burn this{\* whole} place to the ground out of happiness." "{\pos(110,268)}Either way, I am going to need some talking down." "{\pos(110,268)}Nobody talks me down like myself in a video talking me down." "I know what you're thinking." "Holly is engaged{\* to somebody else} and you want to kill yourself." "That may seem like a good idea, but it's not." "Snot." "{\pos(120,258)}It sounded like you said, "it's snot." I'm so sorry." "Okay, so killing yourself... {\pos(120,268)}I was thinking about snot." "Good morning." "Hey, guys." "Fun thing." "{\pos(120,268)}The index cards on your desk are resolution cards." "{\pos(120,268)}Write your New Year's resolution on{\* them}," "{\pos(120,268)}I'll collect them, and then display the cards on... this!" "Resolution board." "Did your baby draw that?" "{\pos(120,268)}The glitter is blinding." "{\pos(120,268)}" " I think it's good." " It's gonna be fun." "I recently met Sue, the office administrator at Vance Refrigeration." "She has this awesome wall full of fun initiatives and morale boosters and stuff." "{\pos(120,268)}Sue just goes for it." "She's awesome." "{\pos(120,268)}I know Sue, she's not that great." "{\pos(120,268)}You know her husband's in a wheel chair, right?" " Okay, champagne." " Happy." " Sponge." " Sad." "To soak up my tears." "Gummi bears and gummi worms." "Bears sad, worms happy." "C'mon, man." "{\pos(150,268)}Ukuleles." "Happy?" "{\pos(140,268)}Sad." "Something to break." "{\pos(140,268)}" " Chocolates." " For you, job well done." "{\pos(150,268)}Thank you." "{\pos(140,268)}And two bottles of Scotch." "Both sad." "Did you get the tickets?" "{\pos(120,268)}I did, I did indeed." "{\pos(110,238)}Two{\* front row center} tickets to Paula Poundstone live in Poughkeepsie." "Holly's favorite." "{\pos(150,238)}I hope she doesn't call us up onstage, that would suck." "{\pos(150,238)}" " You think you can do my job better?" " I don't know." " What's your name?" " Michael." "{\pos(120,268)}I'm really excited for Michael either way." "{\pos(105,268)}Because if Holly chooses to be with him," "{\pos(120,268)}he will be so, so happy." "{\pos(120,268)}And if not," "{\pos(120,268)}he'll be avoiding the biggest mistake of his life." "Hey, guys." "I'd like to introduce you to a new{\* little} friend of mine." "His name is New Year's resolution board." "Shut up." "Hello." "What happened?" "Is there a ring?" "So, high five me." "We're back." "To a happy..." "Look at those." " Mittens." "Those a present?" " Come on." " They're warm." " Those are so fuzzy and warm." "Let me feel those." "Let me feel that." "{\*Put her there.}Give me a good firm one." " That's a good, firm handshake." " You're hired." "Let's get right into the Anderson account, shall we?" "Okay." "Right away." "Right away." "Okay." "{\*Want me to}Do I crank the thermostat to 90?" "Smoke her out?" "She can't keep those mittens on forever." "What?" "Stop." "Yes." "Congrat..." "Oh, my God." "That's it, that's it." "I get it." "Everybody knows about the ultimatum." "Yes, I told everyone." "Right back at you, bitch." "Happy, happy, happy, happy!" "Calm down!" "Breathe." "I'm trying." "I said breathe." "I'm trying." "Wait a second." "Are you listening to music?" " What?" " Shut that off." "I'm not listening to the music." "Fine, just go crazy for a little while." "Looking good." "You're looking good." "I gotcha, I gotcha!" "I'm pulling you back!" "Michael dance-off!" " That's nice." " Go!" "Me, okay!" "Nice!" "We're gonna calm down later." "I'm doing it." "Right there!" " I'm collecting resolution cards." " Not doing that." "Why not?" "I've achieved plenty." "There's no better than the best." "Drink less caffeine." "Good one." "Here's mine." ""Learn to cook for one."" "Yeah, I love cooking, but I always{\* find myself} throw{\*ing} out half the food that I prepare." "So{\* I figured} it's time to start preparing the right amount of food for the right number of people, which is one." " Maybe you'll meet someone." " No, some people just don't{\* meet someone}." "I'm fine with it." "Really." "This isn't a pity party." "It's not a party at all." "Just sad." ""Make time for romance."{\*}" " Who's the senator?" " My boyfriend." "You mean the State senator." "Sorry, I was confused." "You accidentally wrote "the senator"." "Wait." "It's that easy?" "That's not a resolution." "Just something I wanna do." "Okay, fine." "I can do that." "My resolution is:" "Meet a loose woman." "Good one." "You know what?" "{\* That's my new one.} I'm taking that one, too." "Awesome." "You know what you guys should do?" "Go to the book store{\* at lunch}." "There's tons of cuties and it's easy to talk to them." ""Hey, what book is that?" "Cool, let's hang out tonight." ""Sex already?"" " The book store?" " It's that easy?" " I'll come with you to show you{\* how it's done}." " Okay." "I'll drive." "My resolution is to read more." "If someone else is driving me to the book store," "I can eat my PBJ in the car." "2011 is coming up all Darryl." "Somebody's got a new phone." "That is neat." "I got it for Christmas." "I'm so out of my league here." "E.T. phone Holly." "Holly like phone?" "Holly misses old phone." "Why?" "New phone is confusing." "Gets bad reception." "Bummer." "Bummer." "Reese's pieces." "Reese's pieces?" "God." "Please stop." "I still have my old phone." "This thing, indestructible." "I should get this." "No,{\*Don't go see that one.} I want to see that one together." "Yeah, go see that action one." "I love you, too." "All right." "Holly doesn't seem to be engaged, but she's talking to AJ like she is." "I can't figure it out." "Do you think she's{\* already} dating a different AJ?" "I don't think so." "When you broke{\* it off} with Roy did you still tell him you loved him?" "But you did{\* still love him}." "{\*I'm not gonna have-}Do you love him now?" "Talk to her." "She'd just resent me." "Or worse, she'd think of me as her friend." "Hi, friend." "I'll talk to her." " You think she'd talk to you?" " Why wouldn't she?" "That's true, she's{\* really} nice." "She'd talk to anybody." "{\*Why don't you }Bring Erin to balance you out." "There's a plan." "All right." "We should divide up by section." "I'll take romance and travel." "I'll take the entire{\*ty of the} second floor." "I got that cutie behind the counter." "{\*Well, }If you read a lot, you should check out our e-readers." " They're really neat." " I work at a paper company." "Those things terrify me." "They could put us out of business.{\*, you know?" "}" " Heard those hold ten books at once." " Actually, it's 10,000." "Holy crap." "What?" "Let me see that." "So light." "Like a croissant." "Welcome." " Let us know if you need anything." " Thanks." "Why did we pretend {\*like }we work here?" " Is that what we were doing?" " I don't know..." " Hey, how'd you do?" " Good." "I think we kinda nailed it pretty much." "But{\*, you know,} this place is {\*kinda }tapped out so let's roll." " What'd you get?" " A book about oceans." " Really?" "What else?" "Let me see." " That's porn." "Pornography." "Old lady." "Nasty porn." "Follow my lead." " Want some company?" " Want some company?" "Sure." "Have a seat." "How were your breaks?" " Really good." "I went to Portugal." " I went to Portugal." " You went together?" " No." "So, I just gotta know." "What's going on with you and AJ?" "Nothing {\*really }happened." "{\*I mean, }I know I made a big deal about th{\*is whole}e New Year's deadline, but, it came and went and we're still together." "You didn't break up{\* with AJ at all}?" "{\*I mean, }Not even for a week to make him buy you a present?" "It just wasn't fair of me to give him an ultimatum in the first place." "The whole thing is totally my fault." "But we're gonna be just fine." "Just fine." "I am not going back until I fulfill my resolution." " Come on, why not?" " I've never been in one before." "I'm tired of being Mr Perfect role model all the time." "{\*I'm telling you, }Don't do it." "I got nothing against strip clubs, but I do have something against them at noon on a Monday." "The day shift at a strip club?" "You can't unsee that." "We can't just go back." "{\*I mean, }We came out to meet women." "There's a roller rink across the street." " There's always chicks {\*at the rink }there." " What kind of chicks{\* are you gonna meet there}?" "I don't know." "Single moms at a skating party?" "Sweet 16, ten-year reunion parties." "Chicks fall down, need help getting back up." "Roller derby practice." "We're going skating." "The goal of this meeting is to get everybody excited about their resolutions." "Who's been good about {\*their resolution }that so far?" "Erin, tell us about it." "My goal was to learn a new word every single day." "And I must say that it is going immensely." "Here's a little "way to go" gift from Sabre." "Intercepted." "Creed, {\*I notice }you don't have a resolution on the board." " What's yours?" " I want to do a cart wheel." "They're real casual{\*, I think}." "Not enough to make a big deal out of it." "But I know everybody saw it, just one stunning, gorgeous cartwheel." " How's it going?" " I'm having {\*a little }trouble motivating." "One of the hardest parts {\*about making }with resolutions is keeping them." "In fact, most resolutions are abandoned by February." "Or sooner." " It's not a joke." " But that's OK, because it's not about being perfect, it's about trying." "{\*In fact, }Why don't we go around and confess some of the ways {\*that }we've already fudged on our resolutions?" "I said that I would eat more vegetables, and I haven't yet." "But it's OK." "I still have time." "Since last year I ate none." "My confession is that today I had a sip of coffee." " But that's fine." " Is it?" "Because, with all of your support, by this time next year maybe" "I'll be down to one glass of iced tea a week." "Next year?" "Come on." "{\*I mean, }What is the point?" "What is the point of that?" "I made a resolution to floss." "And I did it." "12:01, January 1st." "Blood everywhere." "Not all of us are Michael freakin' Scott." "What is wrong with you{\* people}?" "Can't you stick to anything?" "Erin, {\*I want you to }go to the kitchen and get me some vegetables." "Creed, you {\*say you}want to do a cartwheel?" "Nothing's stopping you." "Come on, old man." "Do a cartwheel!" "{\*Well, }I can't." "I don't know how." "You{\*'re just going to}'ll just somersault around for the rest of your life." "And you know what's gonna be on your tombstone?" "Loser." "My tombstone's already made, thank you." " Just do a cartwheel!" " This is all I could find." " Eat it." " You don't have to do that, Kevin." "No, I'm glad this is happening." "Thank you{\*, Michael}." "Why are you eating stem first?" "This is a new food for me." "How else should I eat it?" "Can I get some Cheez Whiz?" "Or hollandaise?" "No Cheez Whiz, no hollandaise, no chocolate sauce, just eat it." "Come on, here comes the airplane." "There you go." "Open, open, into the hanger, there you go." "Eat it." " Put it in your mouth, and just eat it." " God, I hate it." "I don't care {\*whether }if you hate it, you said you'd do it!" "Eat it!" "Eat it!" " You're killing him{\*, Michael}." " All right!" "OK, I ate the fluffy part." "Can I be done?" "{\*Let me see if }Did you swallow{\*ed} it?" "Open your mouth." "Under your tongue." "You guys are pathetic." "Can I get some candy or something?" " No, you can't{\* have any candy}!" " I'll get him water." "{\*Michael, }Just settle down." "Yes, Michael?" " Not Michael, E.T." " What's up?" "{\*Well, }I just want to talk about what happened in there." "No, Michael." "I don't want to talk about it with you." "And I'm fine, I just..." "I don't want to talk about it." "Holly, {\*come on in. }thanks for coming." "I thought there should be an HR rep{\* here for this}." "So Kevin and Creed, things got {\*a little bit }intense in the conference room." " You think?" " And I wanted to apologize." "These resolutions should be about you, and I made it about me." " And it was none of my beeswax." " You were super mean." "It was insensitive and I am sorry." "It was traumatizing, Michael." "I wouldn't be surprised if I never eat a vegetable again." "I really wanted you to follow through on your resolutions." "The cartwheel, the veggies." "I care about you." "Very much." "And you loom so large in my heart that I crossed the line." "OK, Michael, no offense." " But you need to get your own life." " You're right." "And I hope that we can still be friends." "I don't think I'm there yet, boss." "Well, I am." "All right." "I'm gonna help you." "It's just you." "Anything you want to hear?" "Dave Matthews' band." "No hits, deep tracks only." "I said, no hits." "How's your fart project coming?" "That's {\*real, }really classy, Kevin." "Was it me or you that just shoved the butt {\*end }of a {\*pound of }broccoli into my mouth because Michael told me to?" " Me." " Kevin, don't." "Come on." "Pam?" "Soda, caffeine." "Just a little." "I have a lot to deal with today." "If you don't have to do 'em..." "Meredith, what are you doing?" "I could be pregnant." "My resolution was to get more attention." "Nope, she's lying." "One, two, three." "{\*I did it.}I did a cartwheel." "Fuck you, fuck you!" "That's it." "Lesson learned." "What's up?" " Where'd you go?" " To the arcade." " Why, did you meet someone?" " I did, actually." "His name is Andy." "And he roller skates like a Greek god." "And you know what?" "I {\*kinda }like hanging out with him." "Right on, son." "Gentlemen." " And where did you go?" " Strip club." "I was looking at the strippers at the strip club." " Right." " So that's it, guys?" "If you want, I can put on the strobe." "Do you want to keep this?" "Do you want to keep this?" " Do you wanna keep this?" " No, you can toss them." "My resolution?" "I never want to make Holly cry again." "Unless it's from laughing too hard." "Or making love too beautifully." "We're gonna be just fine." "You know, {\*you }say something over and over and the words start to sound weird." "Going to be just fine." "Just fine, just fine." "I just think we need to cool things down for a while." "A break." "At least until I get back to Nashua." "Yeah, I'm sure." "Look at where you're going to be doing the cartwheel." "{\*So }Look where you'{\*re going}ll to{\* be} plac{\*ing}e your hand. {\*So }Pick a spot." " You ready{\* to do this}?" " Yes, sir." "{\*You know what?" "}I'{\*m gonna}ll stay here as long as it takes." " I really appreciate that, boss." " I'm gonna spot you." "Spot you!" "Go." "I did it!" " You did?" " The perfect cartwheel." "What a rush." "That's all I had to do all year." "Congratulations." "Well, all right." "See you tomorrow."