"What you thinking about?" "My brother." "What about him?" "Nothing." "Something happened to him, didn't it?" "Lots of things happened to him." "He was born almost a month late." "Won a poetry competition when he was eight." "And met Sarah Ferguson." "Got the highest mark for first year essay in Cardiff history." "And somewhere in there." "He was hit by a bus." "And nearly killed." "Right?" "Why didn't you tell me about that?" "Why that?" "Why not the good stuff?" "Because I'm not interested in it." "Tell me what happened to your brother, Elizabeth?" "From the start." "* set the sails I feel the winds are stirring *" "* toward the bright horizon set the way *" "Ok, on three, one, two, yambai!" "Stop it!" "Come here fucker!" "* and who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin *" "* fighting for a system built to fail *" "Ohh!" "You said you were cold." "I don't recognise it." "It's Freddie's." "Oh do you want me to get you another one?" "No it's fine." "I'll keep it." "You are doing so well sweetheart." "There's a bus coming Tony doesn't see it." "He's distracted." "It hits him, runs him over." "He's in the gutter and he's bleeding." "He looks dead." "Open your eyes." "Well done, Elizabeth." "It's taken you three weeks to tell me that story." " How do you feel?" " Awful." "I'd like us try something new." "I want you to close your eyes again." "And imagine that bus never hit Tony." "Can you do that for me?" " But it did hit him." " It's just an exercise." "Try to imagine it never happened." "Ok." "Make a picture in your head." "What do you see?" "Tony standing by the road." "He's laughing." "Good." "Afternoon." "How's the real world?" "Fine." "Well I don't know actually." "Me and Emily." "We're all... since... the ..." "You know, and I don't know what we're doing." "If we're ok or if we're about to break up." "Sometimes I think she can read my mind." "I seriously do." "I mean is that normal?" "Is that what you...?" "Eff?" "You think you're going mad so you came to see me, to see what a mad person looks like?" "No!" "No." "No." "Yes." "Listen to me very carefully Naomi." "You need to get a message to the dog lord of Azerbaijan." "He's got my toilet ticket." "Oh God what are they giving you?" "!" "And can I have some?" "This whole thing with this girl, Sophia." "Why don't you just imagine it never happened?" "But it did." "Yeah, but if you tried to think like you didn't..." "But..." "Am I missing something?" "You can't change what's already happened." "I wish you could." "But... you just can't." "Please go on Elizabeth." "The boy is crying." "And his mother." "And his little sister." "He doesn't want him to go." "What happens next?" "And then et says," ""I'll be right here"." "And then he gets in the spaceship and flies away." "Yeah yeah that's right, make fun of the old man!" "I think you're ready to go home, Elizabeth." "What?" "I'm not ready we're not finished yet." "Oh we're far from finished." "You'll be seeing me twice a week." "So I just go home, back to normal?" "Stick to your routine, and no drink or drugs." "But yes, pretty much back to normal." "You can go." "Thank you." "We'll see each other soon." "* easy lover * * she'll get a hold on you believe it *" "* like no other * * before you know it you'll be on your knees... *" "I cleaned up a bit." "Did a bit of soring out, is it all right?" "I love it." "I've put everything away." "It's tidier, don't you think?" "I've made this plan for you." "I just thought it might help you plan your days." "Oh, you found Pato." "He was under your bed." "Come on, you funny giraffe." "You can have that back, too." "Now, don't speak to any bad man." "Shit." "* send my fond regards to Lonelyville *" "* I'm staying in my well-appointed valley on the hill * * oh I'll grow hale on seawater... *" "* and leave something to loneliness sweet William will *" "* I once was there to find the girl that mystic morning's Eve * * there in the shade with all the things up its leaves *" "* waking to the marvel, to be northern, to be free * * you can hear the sound of southern bells * * follow where she please *" "* some with the forked tongues they'd love again to unlearn * * some for a heart a brushed yet stainless urn... *" "Err..." "I've brought your jumper back." ""Good to see you, Effy?"" "Jesus Christ" "Effy, it's fucking better than that." "Oh, my God." "Why didn't you let me see you, Eff?" "Because of the treatment John gave me." "He didn't want me to see anyone." "John?" "John Foster, my counselor." "He's the one that helped me." "And what did he do that was so special?" "He took all my bad memories." "And made them good." "And some of those memories were about me, right?" "Only a few." "Ok, if I'd have visited you, it would have fucked up John's treatment?" "Is that what you're saying?" "Yeah, I'm sorry" "Freddie..." "I'm sorry." "The bad memories about me." "You don't like..." "Feel them anymore?" "No, they're gone." "He took them away." "But do you know what's left?" "Love." "All I feel for you now is love." "Nothing else." "* what's that you hide behind your back?" "* * nothing but a shadow trap * * what's that you pressed against your lips * * set sail with words on conjured ships * * and in those ocean eyes of yours * * sea monsters swimming put in drawers *" "* I'm scared they'll climb out when you leave... * we're ok, we're ok we're ok." "* they stay down deep * * oh what's that you hide behind your back?" "* * nothing but a shadow trap... *" "Hello?" "Oh my God, it's you!" "I can't believe it's you!" "I don't even know why I'm bothering." "I know I'm failed." "Useless as usual." "At least you took yours, I was too mental." "So you're mental and I'm useless." "It's shame we'd have fit right in at Cambridge." "Let's find out what I got." "* I never took the time * * to catch you on my side... *" "Hey good luck!" "Well done girls." "Ah, Ms. Moon, Ms. Stonem." "Good to see you up and about." "I suppose this is the last time we'll see each other." "Oh, I'll come back to see you Doug." "Yes well, massive attack said the same thing." "Though daddy G writes at Christmas and on my birthday." "Though he's missed the last two." "Anyhow, here you go, Ms. Moon." "A c?" "Ok." "Listen Eff, I need to tell you something..." "Doug, I want to retake." "What do I...?" "Yes, er, about that..." "Would you come with me?" "What is it?" "Mr blood wants to see you." "It's been a good year here at Roundview, Elizabeth." "Every single student received A to C grades." "Really?" "Well, we had a lot of people doing media studies." "Nevertheless, our targets were met." "Except by you." "You failed everything." "Yeah I know." "I didn't even sit the exam." "Which brings down the college average and affects the funding scenario." "Do you see my dilemma?" "I can retake, right?" "It wouldn't make a difference." "Let me level with you Elizabeth." "Here are your old results." "And here..." "Are your new results." "Please act as such." "Three As?" "An excellent result, considering your circumstances." "You want me to tell people I got three as?" "In my experience, Ms. Stonem, we are all living lies." "Reality, as the sophists so elegantly informed us, is all relative." "Now go on, go out with you." "It feels wrong." "It's like cheating." "It's like cheating at life." "And now I'm starting to wonder about everything." "Elizabeth, what's really going on?" "What do you mean?" "That, what I just told you." "We talked at length..." "At length... about this, Elizabeth." "Achievement, success, academic or otherwise, earned or not, is nothing" " compare to being well and being happy." " Yeah but..." "Happiness." "Correct?" "Yes." "You're right." "You're right." "These don't matter." "There are bigger things happening here." "Bigger than school." "Bigger than friends." "Even bigger than love." "Ok?" "Ok" "right now that Effy's here and we're all suitably refreshed." "Speech!" "The exam result party planning committee have decreed that all our results be read out in quick succession." "So, ready..." "A, A, B!" "A, A, A!" "B, B, C!" "C in philosophy!" "B, C, C!" "A, C, C!" "I got expelled!" "Eff?" "It doesn't matter what I got." "None of this matters." "It's just numbers on a page." "It's not real." "Not to me anyway." "You're all great." "You're all great people." "But I think..." "I think I'm finished." "I think I've had enough." "What are you talking about Eff?" "You have to make sacrifices, Fred, to get the stuff you want." "I don't understand." "I'm in a different place now." "We all are." "And I'm sorry." "I'm really sorry." "What are you saying?" "I'm saying goodbye, I have to." "To everyone?" "To me?" "Yeah." "To everyone." "To you." "Where the fuck are you going?" "Home." "She dumped you again?" "!" "Hey, princess." "Aren't you supposed to be in prison or something?" "Aren't supposed to be in the loony bin?" "I did my time, you should have done yours." "I did enough." "Surely Effy Stonem's not abandoning a party?" "I don't belong in there." "Neither do I, we've got a lot in common, me and you." "Not any more." "We're both stood in the rain." "We're both miserable." "You're no good for me, Cook." "You never were." "If this was us meeting for the first time." "I'll do it all again." "Everything." "The fucks, the fuck-ups, everything." "I'll do it all again." "What's that supposed to mean?" "It means I still love you." "Piss off." "When I touch your little finger..." "You will be completely relaxed now, describe the room to me." "It's dark." "I can't see." "The curtain's are closed." "There's a man..." "Sitting on a chair." "He's facing away from me." "He's so full of hate." "So full of death." "What if he leaves?" "What if he's not there?" "What is he was never there?" "Open the curtains and let the sun shine in." "It's warm." "Pato the funny giraffe is here." "This is a place without fear or danger this is a safe place." "Peaceful." "Away from everyone..." "And everything, it's here." "And you..." "Are wonderful." " What are you doing here?" " I want an explanation." " Freddie..." " Do you know what you've done to me?" " Dumping me with no reason at all?" " I had reasons." "Well, if the urge to tell me any of them occurs, please let me know." "Or did John steal your soul as well as your past?" " Tea and biscuits?" " Mum..." "All right..." "The night before you dumped me, you told me that you loved me." "I know." "So look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me now." "Don't do that!" "I went crazy when I was with you." "I can't let that happen again." "Love's not supposed to do that, you made me go mad!" "You're making me mad now, Effy." "And that's exactly what love's supposed to do." "Effy?" "Yes?" "Are you all right?" "Yes." "Did you remember your pills?" "Effy?" "Yeah." "Love you." "Pato?" "Where is he?" "Pato?" "Mum!" "What's wrong?" "What's the matter?" "I can't find pato!" "Eh, have you looked under bed?" "Of course I have!" " Effy, Effy, don't worry." " Pato!" "We'll find him." "Where are you?" "!" "Pato?" "!" "Effy, Effy." "Effy." "He was behind the bed." "I don't think this is right, burning all your things." "I need John." "He'll make me better." "Ok." "Here she is." "It's not good for you, that." "That has never bothered you before." "You know, I walk through this park every day." "I've never noticed there's a pond here." "Can you believe that?" "Every day for years." "And then today, bam." "Like it came out of nowhere." "What the fuck are you on about?" "Yeah yeah, I know, "piss off" and all that." "What?" "Listen, I got a call from your man." "He's all in a tizzy." "So I thought I'd come and hear your side of the story, like." "I'm sorry, I don't understand." "Come on, Eff" "Eff?" "Who's Eff?" "Yeah, of course, sorry." "You're not Effy." "I've mistaken you for someone else." "Looks like it." "So what is your name?" "Elizabeth." "Elizabeth, nice to meet you." "I'm James." "I wouldn't normally go for a drink, let alone a dance with someone." " I've just met." " Yeah?" "So why did you?" "You seem nice." "I am nice." "So, what are we doing next, mystery girl?" "Something bad." "You've come to the right man." "Oh, deja  vu." "Yeah, ain't that the French for "what the fuck is going on?"" "No." "I've been here before." "Something bad happened here." "What?" "I was screaming." "Someone got hurt." "Ok, this is getting way too much Stephen king for me." "You win, all right?" "I call chicken." "Someone got hurt." "What are you talking about?" "What am I talking about?" "Come on, Eff" "I know you, you know me." "We've dated, we have fucked in every sense of the word." "We are Cook and Effy." "No, tha... that's not true, we've never met." "So how do I know you've got a mark shaped like a wine glass on your arse?" "Or that your favourite film is et?" "Stop it." "That's because we know each other." "The fucking world knows us." "So cut the fucking shit..." "My brother, he got hit." "He got run over here." "No, that never happened, that never happened!" "You never happened!" "Yes it did, it did." "What's happening to me?" "It happened, but it never happened." "It happened, but it never happened." " It happened, but it never happened." " Stop it!" " Hit me again." " No!" "What's wrong with me?" "Hit me again!" "I'm not scared." "I'm not scared of anything." "Hit me." "Effy, please stop." "I can't!" "Eff!" "Get out the road, man!" "I'm not scared!" "I want to be scared!" "I want to be hurt!" "I want to remember!" "I'm not scared!" "I'm not scared!" "I'm not scared!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Take me to Freddie, Cook." "You need to get me to him." "You need to get me there." "I need to tell him." "You remember me, though, yeah?" "You know who I am?" "How could I forget?" "You're my friend." " "Emergency..."" " Yes, an ambulance, please." "It's for my girlf.... my friend." "She's not right, I don't..." "She's been sectioned before." "Yeah, it's 82 Peveril Road." "That's the one, yeah, ok." "You fucking skipping out on me, man?" "Yeah, I'm leaving, I was going to go tonight you were going to fuck off?" "Leave her?" "Cook, she broke my heart man." "She broke my heart as well." "You broke my heart." "I bet you've broken hers at some point." "So what are we gonna do?" "Are we just three losers screwing each other for ever?" "Or are we something better than that?" "Fuck, mate, grow up." "Cos I'm done here." "Thanks for bringing her to me." "Where the fuck else would I bring her?" "Don't screw it up." "* I've been thinking * * all my wandering * * on the way home from your house * * that I love you in the way I do * * and if there'll ever be someone else *" "* you're young and you're stable stand up to your label * * you're young and you're able * * but you need your saviour * * oh you'll need your saviour * * young believers, come and see her *" "* she has pushed into the ground * * though with one hand * * he could break her * * with one hand... *" "Effy?" "Are you all right?" "I'm back where I was." "Yeah, you're back in hospital." "No." "In here." "In here I can hear the voices again." "Ok, I'm here." "I didn't mean what I said to you." "Ssh, ssh, ssh." "I'm so stupid." "It's all right." "We're together." "We'll be together." "Good morning." "How are we doing?" "No, I don't want him anymore, Freddie." "You're John Foster." "And you must be Freddie." "You need to leave." "She's my patient." "Not any more." "We want someone else." "You're done with her." "Fuck off." "You deserved better." "Ssh, it's all right, just go to sleep, all right?" "I love you, I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "* my love is light as a dove * * and her skins is fair and dark is her hair * * and her eyes dart 'round and fall on the ground * * and her lips move alone to an old country song... *" "I don't like this place." "Neither do I." "I'll look after her." "* ..." "An old liquor store where we danced on the floor * * oh the light on the wall it brightens the hall * * but the room in the back is quiet and black... *" "Hello?" "* her voice and her breath * * could I hear them sounds in life underground?" "*" "Hello." "* ... and her lips move along to an old country song *" "Please." "You do your counselling in here?" "You find it oppressive?" "It pacifies me." "Although I suppose I should brighten it up a little." "My patients are my livelihood." "Anyway, about Elizabeth, and your reason for being here." "Yeah man what the fuck am I doing in your house?" "Elizabeth and her mother have expressed..." "Dissatisfaction with my methods." "It's perfectly understandable" "I am something of a Maverick." "You never helped her at all." "She's worse than she ever was now." "Anyway, I'm hoping to keep working with her regardless." "There are some thing I haven't tried..." "Are you deaf?" "Listen, we don't want you." "Just stay the fuck away." "Indulge me a moment longer." "I admit I was arrogant, stupid." "I made mistakes." "I got too close." "I feel terrible." "I care too much." "Stay away from her." "I'm too human." "We're essentially creatures of instinct, passing whims." "Are really a profound moment." "Can't let you have her, I'm afraid." "She really does love you, you know." "Hey come on." "Just open the door, yeah." " Something is odd." " Karen, I've asked around." "There's no sign for Freds." "I love you." "Don't lie." "Freds?" "He's talking in my head." "What's Fred saying?" "He's saying that they're all fucking mad." "Thomas is coming around latter." "He's giving me French lessons for my interview." "Hey, Fredster." "Look where we ended up." "All back at Naomi Cambells." "You owe him, Cook." "When you were fled last year, who was looking for you." "What kind of lame rave is this?" "I dressed up." "You find him, you fucking find my brother!" "You've to forget about good and bad." "I'll never forget you." "R.I.P Freddie Mclair 1992-2010 * that we can walk down, me and you *" "* so keep your candles burning * * and make her journey bright and pure * * that she will keep returning * * always and evermore *" "* into my arms, o lord * * into my arms, o lord * * into my arms, o lord * * into my arms, *"