"You're sitting at our table." "Get up." "This table doesn't belong to you, you know." "We have half an hour for lunch." "We have important work to do." "Get up." "You're not better than us." "We provide tech support for companies like Apple and Microsoft." "You sell plastic vomit." "Get up." "We're not scared of you." "I am slightly scared." "Why don't you speak to my hands?" "You're pathetic." "It's "talk to the hand."" "You work at a call center and you don't even know how Americans speak?" "Drop some science on this fool." "Yeah." "You better check yourself before you wreck yourself." "Aw!" "You just got served!" "No, I got my food from..." "In your face." "In all of your faces." "Now get up." "We're not moving." "Find another table." "This isn't over." "Your mouth just wrote a check your ass can't cash." "Word." "The joke's on them." "I don't even have a checking account." "You have to help, Asha." "I don't know." "I don't..." "It has to be now." "He'll be here any minute." "Okay." "Afternoon, sir." "Shouldn't you go?" "Don't you have a lot of things to prepare for the holiday?" "Yes, I do." "I should go." "What holiday?" "What holiday?" "Oh, you really don't know." "Today is Vindaloo Day." "Vindaloo?" "Yes, it is Vindaloo Day." "Oh, I've seen that on a menu." "I thought that was some kind of food." "Yes, of course." "Uh, the dish is named after the god, Vindaloo." "In a time before time, people ate the blandest of foods until Lord Vindaloo manifested himself and spice burst forth from his forehead." "Is that why some people have that dot on their forehead?" "It's like a..." "It's like a symbolic cork?" "You did not just say "symbolic cork."" "I'm sorry." "I just..." "I've never heard of this holiday before." "Why would you?" "This country is just a cash register to you." "Hmm." "I wonder why no one's ever said anything about it to me." "Everyone is focusing on finishing work early so that they can go home and be with their families." "That's why it's a half day today." "Ooh, I didn't tell corporate we were taking a half day." "No one works after lunch on Vindaloo Day." "The building will be locked." "And you should grab a taxi now." "Because if you have to walk home, people in the streets celebrating will pelt you with spice." "Oh, well, thanks." "Happy Vindaloo Day?" "Actually, it's Jolly Vindaloo Day." "May your life be filled with flavor." "Flavor." " All right." "Well, um..." "Jolly Vindaloo Day." "I'll see you guys tomorrow." "Sweet." "Jolly Vindaloo Day, guys." "Flavor." "Ladies." "Jolly Vindaloo Day." "Jolly Vindaloo Day." "Hey." "Vindaloo." "Ah, it is a busy day for you, huh?" "It's, uh..." "It's my first Vindaloo Day, so just give me a pound of your best throwing spice." "Okay." "Hey, Charlie." "May your life be filled with flavor." "What the hell are you doing?" "Oh, come on, man." "Get in the spirit of Vindaloo Day." "You want to throw some spices with me?" "Vindaloo Day?" "Yeah, the holiday." "Let's just see about that." "What is that?" "When I first started here, some of my employees scammed me and got out of work by making up fake holidays." "Hell, they all sound fake to me." "So, I made up a cheat sheet with the real Indian holidays." "Diwali, Durga-puja, Ganapati..." "I repeat." "These are the real ones." "Nope." "There is no Vindaloo Day on here." "Looks like you've been holi-duped." "No Vindaloo Day?" "What am I going to do with all this saffron?" "Don't feel bad." "For Elephant Day, my workers tricked me into painting my face and walking around with the pockets pulled out of my pants." "It was all fun and games until I whipped out the trunk." "Why would Rajiv make up a holiday?" "And why would Asha go along with it?" "It's not like either of them want to get out of work." "Maybe they want to get you out of work." "This feels weird." "Rajiv lied to me." "I don't feel weird about spying on him." "No, usually when I do this, I'm covered in deer urine." "Why is he sitting at my desk?" "Sir, a new shipment." "This saffron is perfect for throwing on Vindaloo Day." "Hey, there is no Vindaloo Day." "Be that as it may, it doesn't make the saffron any less delicious." "Beat it." "Here." " Check out the suit." " Who's this guy?" "The way he's looking over your workers," "I bet my right walnut that's a headhunter." "You're about to lose your best people." "That doesn't make any sense." "How would losing the best workers help Rajiv?" "He'll get a kickback." "A lot of managers do it." "How do you think I paid for my laser?" "Deepak, phone operator." "Sandeep, office manager." "No way." "No way." "I'm not losing my best and brightest." "I've been teaching them all about American culture." "I'm the one who taught them about tramp stamps and Jäger bombs and how to spell "boobs" on a calculator." "You can do that?" "That's a real thing?" "Nine, zero, zero, nine, five." "Boobs." "I can manage the workers with this headset." "At the end of the day, I am responsible for everything." "Stop." "Right there." "This is beneath even you, Rajiv." "And you are?" "I am sick and tired of you doing things behind my back." "I'm sorry about this." "Sometimes the tourists get crazy with the heat." "It will be okay." "Go back to your hotel and have a lime rickey." "You're wasting your time talking to him." "My workers aren't going anywhere." "All right?" "I'm the manager here." "He's the assistant manager." "He has no authority to be dealing with you." "Assistant manager?" "Sir, you know how Americans play fast and loose with titles." "Colonel Sanders." "The Burger King." "Lady Marmalade." "You are not a manager, but you are a liar." "You will never marry my daughter." "Wait." "So, he's not a headhunter?" "He was going to be my father-in-law." "Okay, sir." "Let me read that back to you." "You want ten bubble machines, a case of condom hats, and a hundred wacky chickens." "Y'all got that right." "Tell you what, partner." "Why don't you throw in 100 of those glow-in-the-dark owls to scare those critters off my property?" "Of course, sir." "Your total comes to $3,180." "If I could please just put you on hold for one second while I process your order." "All right, son." "I just broke the sales record!" "Go, Gupta." "Go, Gupta." "It's your bonus." "It's your bonus." "Your total comes to $4,300." "What?" "Can I get a rush delivery?" "Because, like, all your products are, like, totally awesome." "I, like, totally agree with you." "Totally." "If I could put you on hold while I process your order." "Uh-huh." "Thank you." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Sorry, Gupta." "I just crushed your order, man." "And with my bonus," "I'll give my sister the money she needs to go back to school." "Wait, no." "I want an iPod." "Actually, you are both celebrating hastily." "A gentleman from Chicago just ordered adult-sized taco costumes for his entire marching band." "The record is mine." "This is the greatest moment of my life and, perhaps, all my previous ones." "Hmm." "Oh, hello." "Oh, no." "Sir, could I please have the credit card number?" "There ain't no credit card, son." "So in conclusion, suck it, suck it, and suck it." "Suck what?" "Todd." "We have been humiliated." "Gupta may be used to it, but for us, this is quite a blow." "We need revenge." "How can we get them back?" "Yeah." "Not..." "Not now, guys." "Yeah, hi, Rajiv." "It's another message from your manager." "The real one." "Look, uh..." "I know you're dealing with some personal problems, but you're going to have some work problems, too, if you don't come back here." "So, now, you're doing Rajiv's bidding?" "This is the guy that canceled "Take Your Daughter to Work Day"" "when he found out he couldn't make the girls work." "Todd." "Hmm?" "He told me Vimi's father was making a surprise visit, and if I didn't help him he would lose Vimi forever." "Oh, come on." "Lose her forever?" "Rajiv was a love match." "And he had to become a manager to prove to Vimi's father that he was worthy." "And now, he's out." "And I'm sure Vimi's family will move on." "What do you mean, move on?" "Well, they'll arrange a marriage with someone they prefer." "But that's crazy!" "Who lets their parents pick who they're gonna marry?" "Todd." "That's exactly what I'm doing, remember?" "Oh, Asha, please." "Not every story is about you." "Let's just focus on Rajiv right now." "Okay?" "I can't let him just give up." "I've got to talk to him." "Well, I know where he lives." "I'll get his address." "That's interesting." "What?" "Well, you're planning an arranged marriage, but you just risked your job to help someone with a love marriage." "What does that say about you?" "Hello?" "Sir?" "Hello?" "I don't care how many limbs you're missing." "I am not sharing my mms." "Excuse me, Todd's large friend." "Oh, you guys." "We need your help." "I'm not surprised." "But the answer is no." "We need your help getting revenge on someone." "You are a hunter." "You are used to stalking prey and laying traps." "There is a darkness about you." "All right, you can stop buttering me up." "What's this about?" "We need to get someone back with a vintage American-style prank." "Well, I am the guy that got my fraternity kicked off campus." "What did you do?" "The settlement prevents me from talking about it." "Let's just say I'm not here by choice." "And my real name isn't Charlie." "Will you help us?" "Sure." "But let's get one thing straight." "I don't know you." "You don't know me." "We never met." "I am Madhuri." "This is Gupta and Manmeet." "That's a good idea." "Make up silly code names." "To what do I owe this honorlinconvenience?" "I want to talk, if that's okay." "I've never seen you without a tie." "Honestly, it's a little weird to see you in a wifebeater." "A what?" "Well, in America, we call that kind of t-shirt a wifebeater." "Ironic, isn't it?" "For I have no wife to beat." "Yeah, that's, uh..." "That's sort of why I came." "Look, Rajiv, I'd hate to think you're going to give up on marrying Vimi." "Save your breath." "Her parents are already pushing her towards another man who is a manager." "I cannot compete with Harshit." "Harshit?" "That..." "That's his name?" "Are you kidding me?" "Yes." "I am very much in a joking mood." "Oh, come on, man." "You can't lose out to a guy named Harshit." "That's just..." "Harshit." "Yes?" "I'd like you to meet my father." "His name is also Harshit." "Hello." "I work with Rajiv." "Sorry I came unannounced." "I just feel like it's kind of my fault that the marriage with Vimi is off." "What?" "The marriage is off?" "Rajiv, what happened?" "What did you do?" "I thought he knew." "I'm sorry." "Not at all." "While you are here, is there anything else in my life you'd like to ruin?" "Perhaps you'd like to smash this bowl I made as a child." "Rajiv, you can't let her go without trying." "All right?" "I made that mistake with Jennifer Snyder." "Her dad thought his daughter was too good to go out with a guy who worked at Bennigan's." "I didn't fight for her." "She wound up with another guy." "I'll always wonder if we could have had something special, rather than just that..." "That quickie in the walk-in freezer." "Thank you for that lovely tale about defiling a young woman." "No, Rajiv, my point is I gave up." "Are you ready to give up on a woman who looks past your temper?" "The lies." "The cologne." "Your whole deal." "Really?" "Even if it's for the last time," "Vimi's father will hear from me." "I must get dressed." "Yeah." "You might also want to, um..." "Fine." "I meant shave." "Why did you not say that?" "I thought it was your custom." "Mmm-mmm." "All right." "What do all these people have in common?" "They're connected by string." "They are the enemy." "Oh." "And I have a plan to ensure they never give you table trouble again." "It's called "Fire Escape."" "Oh, that sounds good." "What do we do?" "We set fire to their stuff." "Then, we escape." "That's it?" "I think that's just called arson." "Here's what I need from you." "Smiley, two cans of gas." "Eyeballs, road flares." "High Pants." "This is the Eagle Eye XR7." "It can shoot a flaming arrow 300 yards." "You got one shot." "Do not miss." "We were thinking something more along the lines of itching powder on their keyboards." "Oh." "I see." "All right." "I like it." "Itching powder on their keyboards." "Then, when their guard's down, we torch their stuff." "Yeah." "How do we tell him no without upsetting him?" "Who is High Pants?" "It's Gupta." "Man, I've never been to this part of town." "It's nice." "Yes." "Vimi's father runs a steel mill." "He is very wealthy." "What's that smell?" "That is the fresh air only the rich can afford." "They get first crack at the sea breezes." "How do they get the breeze first?" "Aren't we farther away than..." "I was fudging a fact to make a political point." "Please, I have a lot to think about." "All right, Rajiv." "Vimi's father would be lucky to have you as a son-in-law." "Yes." "I am a catch." "I am an assistant manager to an American kid working for a company that sells farting garden gnomes." "Hey, Gassy Gary is almost pure profit." "Come on, man." "You know better than anyone that sales is about confidence." "So, put your game face on, go in there and give it 110%." "I do not need any of your American sports clichés." "Maybe one more cliché." "Eye of the tiger, Rajiv." "Tiger?" "Where?" "I thought they caught it." "It's just a saying." "Good luck." "Mr. Mehta." "I am sorry for disturbing you so late." "I have one thing to say." "Vimi." "Okay." "You said your one thing." "I have one overall thing to say." "I intend to marry Vimi." "There is no one else for me." "I have loved her since I was nine and she protected me from a bully at the bus stop." "I told her someday that we would get married and then, I would be the one protecting her." "At the time, she did not understand me because I was crying and my underpants had been pulled up over my head." "I am not a manager yet, but I promise I will do whatever it takes to provide for Vimi." "You can search the world, but you will find no one who loves her more than I do." "How did it go?" "Wait." "Are you doing that thing where you pretend to be sad, and then, you go, "Ah!" "I've got good news!"" "How many times are you going to stick that foot in your mouth before you get sick of the taste?" "I'm sorry." "What happened?" "Let's just go." "Rajiv!" "Vimi." "No one's ever stood up to my father like that before." "Not even me." "So, we can get married?" "Uh, no." "No." "Your whole speech really made him dig in." "Oh." "But I don't care." "You're the one I want to marry." "What about Harshit?" "He is a manager." "He is your parents' choice." "He won't be after next week." "I'm going to meet his family." "I will say we went for a walk and he put his hand on my bottom." "My father will be enraged, and I will be done with this Harshit forever." "I will wait for you." "I meant what I said." "I will become manager." "Of course you will." "I believe in you." "All you have to do is get rid of that fool, Todd." "Hello." "I'm Todd." "So nice to meet you." "I have heard only good things." "Really?" "You haven't learned your lesson yet?" "I don't think you want to sit there." "Unless somebody wants to get whacked." "Know what I'm saying?" "Bada-bing." "Track suit." "Chest hair." "Okay, fine." "You got us." "You can have the table." "That is better." "Get up."