"Meredith:" "Nobody's memory is perfect or complete." "We jumble things up." "Richard." "I'm sorry." "I can't." "We lose track of time." "Richard!" "[ Crying ]" "We are in one place..." "You believe that your career is more important than mine." "It is!" "..." "Then another." "I gave it up for you." "I don't want it." "And it all feels like one long, inescapable moment." "Ellis:" "I raised you to be an extraordinary human being." "So imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover that you're no more than ordinary." "It's just like my mother used to say -- the carousel never stops turning." "You asked for a consult." "This is my advice." "That's not the point." "I have to control the infection." "Surgery first." "She has an abscess of her brain ventricle." "If I don't operate, she will die of sepsis." "If it ruptures, she won't sur-- let's have one conversation here!" "Meredith, what do you need?" "Pierce paged me." "Yeah, I need a general consult on her chest." "What about Webber?" "I paged Dr. Grey." "Pierce, make your case." "I respect Dr. Shepherd's opinion, but I need to go in first to debride the infection before it shuts down her heart, her lungs, all of her organs." "And she is my patient." "I paged you for a consult." "I'm sorry, but if the ventricle ruptures, it could be catastrophic." "I can't sit back and let that happen." "If you go in first, she will die on your table." "If you do, she could come out a brain-dead patient." "Owen, will you look at the scans?" "The abscess is up against the ventricle." "It could cause significant brain edema and severe meningitis." "So, basically, you're both racing the clock on this girl." "If the time hasn't run out already." "We'll know if her heart stops." "Grey, what do you think?" "I agree with Pierce." "I think we get to the neck and the mediastinum first." "Look at the head C.T." "I did." "I still think Pierce is right." "No, no, no, let me show you." "I know how to read a brain scan, Derek." "I learned from the best, remember?" "All right, enough." "I know what we're gonna do." "Let's go and talk to the patient." "I had had a root canal." "Last week, and it's hurt for like a week." "But I figured, it's a root canal." "It's supposed to hurt, right?" "Yeah, well, you should have told me." "Anyway, she passed out at work yesterday, and she's run a fever ever since." "Holly, you got an infection from the dental procedure called descending necrotizing mediastinitis." "It spread quickly into your neck and down into your mediastinum, which is the space between your lungs that houses your heart." "And the fever is caused from the sepsis from the infection." "Holly, in addition the sepsis, I found a lesion in your brain, and I think we should start there first." "Are you telling me that my daughter needs brain surgery?" "Yes, immediately." "She needs chest debridement as soon as possible." "What are you saying?" "Here is what we're going to do." "You've not responded to the I.V. Antibiotics, so I would like to run a chest C.T. with contrast to determine which infection is most urgent." "We will have a decision very soon, okay?" "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "[ Door closes ] Edwards?" "Hi." "What are you doing here?" "I am interested in fetal surgery, and Dr. Webber said that I could do some o.B. Ultrasounds, so..." "So, you're doing my ultrasound?" "Unless you don't want me to." "No, no, no, it's fine." "You got to learn..." "On me." "I mean, it's fine with me either way." "No, it's all good." "We don't want to know the sex, so I'm not gonna look." "I will do all of the looking." "All right, so, there are the feet and the toes." "He's breech, sitting cross-legged like a little Buddha." "Yeah, he does that." "[ Elevator bell dings ] Oh, my God." "What?" "You said "he."" "No, I didn't." "Yeah, you did." "You said "he." No." "You said "he." Oh. [ Gasps ] Oh, oh, God." "And you just said that you didn't want to know the sex." "I just said I didn't want to know the sex!" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "It was a rookie mistake." "Oh!" "How's it looking in h-- hey." "Stephanie." "Hi." "Why...?" "I'm practicing." "Okay." "Yeah." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "Um, all right, well, just don't let her know the sex." "Oh, no." "No, she says the baby's sitting like a little Buddha, just like last time." "Jackson: [ Chuckles ] Last time?" "Hey, there, little... thing, you." "[ Chuckles ] All right, well, I got surgeries most of the day, so I'm gonna miss our lunch." "Sorry." "Aw." "Torres might get one of our guys back up on his feet today, and I'm gonna miss that, too." "Ohh." "But, yay, you guys." "Good luck." "All right." "[ Keys clacking ]" "[ Door opens and closes ]" "And I just lied to my husband." "That's a great way to start parenthood -- lying." "Awesome." "Thanks, Edwards." "I'm really sorry, but we're not done." "Oh, we're done." "[ Grunts ]" "[ Door opens ]" "[ Computer beeping ]" "Callie:" "Whoa, Rick, you're pulling way ahead." "All right, you got to do better than that, Jordan, if you want to beat Rick's numbers." "Oh, well, have we started?" "See, I thought this was still the warm-up." "Oh!" "Gloves are off." "[ Chuckles ]" "You don't want a tie, right, guys?" "Don't get his hopes up, Dr. "t." He can't touch my scores." "Oh, bite me." "I'm getting up on that leg first." "Ohh." "You gonna take that?" "What was it you said my scores were earlier?" ""Phenomenal." [ Laughs ]" "Guys, you're doing fine." "You're both gonna get the leg eventually." "This is not a contest." "Where's the fun in that, sir?" "Yeah. [ Beeping continues ]" "You're pitting these guys against each other?" "I just spent the morning refereeing the surgeons." "I don't need this." "This is not a good idea." "They came up with this." "The one to master the virtual-reality leg first gets to try the real leg first." "It's just a little friendly competition." "I'm just saying, don't push them." "Hey, we are this close, Owen." "We're gonna have someone walking [Chuckles] today." "[ Computer pings ] Whoo!" "Yes!" "Smoked you, Schultz!" "Congrats, man." "See, that's the thing about soldiers, hunt." "I don't have to push them." "They come wired that way." "All right, Carter, you ready to take a walk?" "[ Chuckles ] Herman:" "It's a pretty straightforward procedure." "I'll do the initial approach." "Robbins, you can do the cutting." "God, this is good." "Did you ever try this -- banana clambake?" "I haven't, and certainly not before 8:00 A.M." "Does it have actual clams?" "You're very perky today." "Why not?" "Life is short." "And at this point," "I can eat whatever the hell I want for breakfast." "Right, Robbins?" "Right." "You've earned it." "I just wish I could do that and stay as trim as you do." "Shut up, Graham." "[ Elevator bell dings ]" "[ Water running ]" "I'll finish prep." "See you in there." "God, that was worth it." "I'm trying to get through every flavor they have before I cash in." "Please don't say that." "Why?" "Why be so serious?" "Because we're about to operate on a pregnant woman, and I have no idea if you're in any condition " "I told you -- you told me nothing!" "You told me you have a brain tumor." "I don't know anything else about you." "I don't know " " I don't know if you're married." "That's not the deal." "You get access to my knowledge." "It doesn't give you access to my life." "I'm talking about next of kin." "Like if something should happen to you, who do I call?" "God, you are so annoying!" "Divorced, no kids." "Marry the work, Robbins." "It's always there for you." "So, um -- so, no family?" "I have work and you and..." "Graham." "God, that's the saddest thing I've ever said." "What kind of tumor is it?" "Enough." "I need to know if this could affect your motor skills or your cognition." "You don't need to know anything that I haven't " "I need to know if I'm helping you treat patients with a time bomb in your head!" "Robbins, I have a team of neurosurgeons who are far more experienced than you are, so your input at this point is nothing more than an invasion of my privacy." "Stop." "Drop it." "So it's inoperable." "Who says?" "That's it." "You're done." "You can't focus." "You're off the surgery." "Graham can do it." "Go do consults." "Fine." "[ Telephone ringing ] Dr. Shepherd, do you have a minute?" "I'm afraid I don't." "I'm Deborah curzon." "I was asked to come talk to you." "Deborah, I'm really sorry, but I don't have time." "Dr. Shepherd..." "I was asked by the president." "We didn't get a chance to meet when you were in Washington." "I'm the special assistant to the President of the United States." "He asked you to talk to me?" "About leadership of the brain mapping initiative." "We had that conversation." "Oh, I remember." "You told him no." "Confidentially, he doesn't love being told no." "He thought another conversation was the least you could do for him." "Those were the words of the president." "We couldn't have had this conversation through an e-mail?" "I know you're busy." "I can wait for you." "I'll be here." "You already started on her chest." "The sooner I see a head C.T. -- well, we got here first." "I will wait." "[ Keys clacking ]" "Okay, easy." "Easy. [ Grunts ]" "[ Exhaling sharply ]" "[ Grunts ] [ Chuckles ]" "Whoa." "It's way harder than the simulator." "Yeah." "That's all right." "That's all right." "You'll get it back." "Just concentrate." "[ Grunts ]" "Yeah." "How does it feel?" "It's amazing." "Yeah?" "[ Laughs ] Friggin' hard." "Rick:" "If I had a dollar for every time you said that about something," "I'd buy a whole robot leg factory." "Suck it, Schultz." "[ Chuckles ] He's jealous." "You'll see, man. [ Grunts ]" "You just wait." "[ Exhales sharply ]" "I got it." "I got it." "Let me go." "You got it." "[ Grunts ] Don't fall, now." "Schultz. [ Grunts ]" "Sweet!" "[ Laughs ]" "[ Applause ]" "Can I do the stairs?" "That's enough for one day." "They don't think you can." "[ Breathing heavily ]" "I got this." "No." "No." "Seriously, don't. [ Grunts ]" "[ Gasps ] No!" "[ Head thuds ]" "Jordan!" "We're gonna need neuro now!" "Could be just a concussion, but it's acting like a bleed." "I've already called C.T." "He's gonna be okay, right?" "Sir, he's my best friend." "He's got to make it." "We're gonna take care of him." "I'll meet you in the O.R.?" "No." "Stay with Rick." "You've done enough." "Rick:" "Is it my fault?" "Did I push him too hard?" "Maggie:" "Can I get a 3-d vascular reconstruction, too?" "Do you need that?" "We need the images that we need." "In your opinion." "I'll " " I'll be right back." "Derek, why are you pushing back on this?" "Pierce and I both agree " "I'm sorry, but I think you're wrong, and she called me for an opinion." "She called me for an opinion, as well." "Of course she did." "She probably thought you could talk me down." "I need a 3-d pericardial reconstruction, please." "[ Keys clacking ]" "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "Hey." "Look at this." "No." "Look at that." "He doesn't even eat with me anymore." "Grey is in my bed and my bathroom." "I used to eat with my boyfriend at that table." "Am I being weird?" "So, I did an ultrasound on April Kepner today." "Okay, that's weirder, way weirder 'cause [Gasps] it could have been your baby." "Jo, don't talk." "I'm really bad at these, and I'm pretty sure I'm wrong, but I think something's wrong with Jackson and April's baby." "Man, your husband can really dig in his heels." "Well, you shouldn't have called me." "He's digging in his heels to piss me off." "Or maybe it's a you thing." "Stop it." "I'm just saying, you got heels, too." "You dig." "I've seen it." "She agreed with me to piss him off?" "Takes two to tango." "I agreed with you because you're right." "But you shouldn't have called me, not if you think I can sweet-talk Derek." "I called you because you're the best surgeon." "Why would you say that?" "See?" "It is a you thing." "[ Tray thuds, chair legs scrape ]" "What's the matter with you?" "Nothing." "[ Cash register beeping ]" "I have a patient who got hurt, and hunt thinks it's my fault." "I'm getting divorced again, and Arizona thinks it's my fault." "And basically I destroy whatever I touch." "So, by "nothing," you meant "everything."" "[ Laughs ]" "[ Laughs ]" "[ Cellphone beeps, vibrates ]" "Scans are ready." "[ Slurping ]" "You gonna pull a muscle." "What are you talking about?" "Yuck." "Trying to pretend you're not staring at Pierce." "Your left eye is gonna pop out of your head." "[ Sighs ]" "Ugh!" "I don't know what else to do." "I apologized, which she seemed to hear." "But the next move is hers." "At this point," "I just have to sit here and wait for her to come to me." "Oh, good idea." "Just sit still and stare like a creep." "That'll get you nothing more than hardened arteries and a restraining order." "[ Gags ]" "What is that?" "And why on earth do you keep drinking it?" "It's a kale smoothie." "It's healthy." "Kale's a superfood." "It looks like bile." "[ Chuckles ] Doesn't taste much better." "[ Sighs ]" "I'm just gonna stay out of Pierce's way." "Ugh." "Hey, uh, Richard, do you have a moment?" "Yeah, I might." "Can I have you look at something?" "[ Door opens ]" "How's he look?" "C.T. showed a multifocal hemorrhage with some edema." "I'll know more once I'm in there, but he's gonna need a full craniotomy." "All right." "Page me when you're out, okay?" "I feel like I owe you an explanation..." "About what you heard last week." "You don't need " "I had a pill problem." "I got clean." "Two years ago, I relapsed, and for a brief time, I got into oxy..." "And then shooting oxy." "I lost someone." "Um, that was rock bottom, and I have been clean ever since." "Listen, Derek told me everything I need, so you don't have " "I work for you and I respect you and I like you, so if it's all right," "I don't care to hang my professional relationships on Derek Shepherd's reputation." "I needed you to hear it from me." "I know it's a choice, keeping me on." "I know I'm a risk." "We're all a risk." "[ Chuckles ]" "We all have something." "I mean, I have my own version." "And it was different." "It took a different toll." "It still does, and I push through every day." "And I'm assuming you're doing the same thing, unless I see otherwise." "Okay?" "Okay." "Look how the air is tracking through the fascial planes." "We'll have to debride the neck, too." "We should have been in there already." "You're scrubbing in with me, right?" "Of course." "Any word from your husband?" "No, but when he sees these, he'll come around." "Pierce, is this your mediastinitis girl?" "Mm-hmm." "That is a massive infection." "This is just in a week?" "Yeah, that thing moves like a track star." "Have you seen the repeat brain scans yet?" "Any increase there?" "No, but it's already invading the pericardium." "Yeah, but it's tricky, though." "We should wait until we talk to Derek, see what they found." "Sorry. "We"?" "Wait." "Why are you here?" "Derek asked me to have a look." "Why?" "He wanted a second opinion." "Of course -- any opinion but mine." "Just do it." "I don't think I can." "It's bad, and I'm not good at doing bad stuff." "Will you do it?" "What am I doing?" "I can't tell you." "It's so bad." "Then what am I doing here?" "You know what?" "I don't want to know." "Whatever it is, you can do it." "Just do it." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "[ Door opens ]" "[ Sighs ]" "[ Ringing ]" "Hi." "Um, this is Dr. Robbins." "Um, I'm " " I'm Amelia Shepherd's fellow at Grey-Sloan." "Um, yeah." "I-I'm calling about a patient of Dr. Weaver's " "Nicole Herman?" "Yep." "Uh-huh." "No." "I'll wait." "[ Exhales slowly ]" "H-- she is?" "Oh, great, great." "Um, well, Dr. Herman is requesting that her neuro records be sent to Dr. Shepherd." "Yeah, yeah, histories, scans, c.T.S." "You know what?" "Actually, could you just -- could you send it all?" "Yeah." "Care of -- of Robbins." "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "[ Keypad beeps ]" "Oh, my -- [ Exhales sharply ]" "Oh, thanks for taking the time." "Yeah, I don't a lot of time." "Then I'll cut to the chase." "I was told not to come back to D.C." "Without a "yes" from you." "And I have a dog who's gonna starve, so I have to get back." "Help me out." "[ Elevator bell dings ] What kind of dog do you have?" "Springer spaniel." "Damn it." "That's a good dog." "Deborah, I'd like to help you out." "I would, but turning down this post was the hardest decision I ever had to make." "And I made that choice for my family." "I know he will understand that." "Yes." "He's just a hard man to say no to." "I know, but I did it, and I know it can be done." "Good luck." "[ Sighs ]" "Hi." "Um, did you get anything messengered for, um, Dr. Shepherd -- a chart?" "It might have been addressed to Dr. Robbins." "Mm." "I don't -- looking for this?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Thanks." "Is this  our Nicole Herman?" "Dr. Herman?" "What's going on?" "[ Sighs ]" "It's bad, right?" "It's spectacular, a big, bad mother of an astrocytoma." "See how it ignores anatomical borders?" "It's like a perfect butterfly." "Look, it starts in the subfrontal and extends practically into the hypothalamus." "That is a thing of beauty." "[ Sighs ]" "Is she showing symptoms?" "No." "No, but she's -- well, wait." "What kind of symptoms would they be?" "Oh, God." "With this, it could be almost anything from dizziness, headaches, uh, vision loss, inappropriate sexual behavior, impulse-control stuff, fatigue -- fatigue?" "Uh... she texted me earlier to say that she needed to lie down for a while." "Arizona, who else knows about this?" "People know about this, right?" "Yeah, everybody who needs to know knows." "But she'd prefer discretion, you know." "If you could just keep it to yourself..." "Of course." "I'm a locked box." "Thanks." "See you." "[ Sighs ]" "Based on the information we have, we'd like to take holly to surgery now to get out as much of the chest infection as possible." "Well, wait." "Wasn't there talk about brain surgery?" "We feel we can't wait any longer." "My throat hurts." "Can we get her some water?" "Not before surgery." "Mom, I just want to go home." "Please take me home." "Well, whatever you think is best." "Just tell us what to do." "We'll listen." "Dr. Pierce's approach is the way to go." "Let's take care of that chest infection, and then we'll do the brain surgery." "[ Gagging, gasping ]" "Holly?" "Holly?" "[ Gasping ] What's happening to her?" "Step out of the way, please." "H-holly?" "[ Gasping ] Her airway's completely closed, and she's too swollen to intubate." "I need a crash cart and a crike tray now!" "Woman:" "Right away!" "[ Monitor beeping ]" "Shepherd said he's in a coma." "Yeah." "Early signs of herniation." "It's impossible to tell how deep the damage is, and there's no signs of him coming around." "[ Sighs ]" "I told you." "Hey, I didn't push him." "I know you think I did, but they pushed each other." "You should have stopped them." "Owen, they're -- [ Scoffs ]" "You know these guys." "There's -- you don't know the first thing about them." "You don't know what risk means to them." "Jordan is a 22-year-old kid who's asked to defuse bombs left in a supermarket filled with families." "That's risk to them." "These guys have to decide in an instant whether the person they're about to shoot is an insurgent with a pistol or a school kid with a cellphone." "That's risk." "So, no, they don't see the danger in stepping up on a stair." "You should have stopped him." "[ Beeping continues ]" "Dr. Herman?" "Dr. Herman -- [ breathing heavily ]" "Robbins... occupied." "[ Both breathing heavily ]" "Sorry." "[ Siren wailing in distance ]" "Trach tube and dilator." "We got you." "We got you." "What happened?" "We lost her airway, so Pierce criked her." "This is what I was worried about." "This is why I'm taking her to surgery." "Pierce, I think Derek's right." "What are you even doing here?" "Pierce, the steroids you gave her may have ruptured her abscess -- there's no evidence of that, and she is hypotensive." "Pierce, with respect," "I have been here longer than you." "You asked for my advice." "You ignored it." "We're doing this." "It's done." "[ Monitor beeping ]" "You take over." "Book an O.R." "As soon as she is stable, I am taking her up." "Excuse me." "Derek, you cannot just " "Meredith, I am begging you." "This is not about you and me." "This is about this girl." "If we don't do this, her mother is gonna be bathing and feeding her for the rest of her life." "I am sure of this." "And as sure as you are, I am, too." "You are pulling rank here." "Meredith, listen." "And you don't have rank to pull." "From what I saw on the head C.T. " "I mean, can we all agree that this is Dr. Pierce's patient here?" "She is the department head, and Derek is not, so if there's any rank to pull, it's hers." "So, what would you like to do, Dr. Pierce?" "Let's take her up." "How long has that been happening?" "None of your business." "How long?" "Was it sudden?" "Was it just today?" "Eh, it's happened..." "More than once." "You're jealous." "Okay." "It stops now." "No more." "Y-you're taking advantage of her." "I beg your pardon." "She's the one in the power position here." "She suggested it." "I'm just scoring points." "Oh, God, shut up." "Dr. Robbins?" "You could try." "She's pretty open to ideas." "Go away." "Go away, Graham." "Dr. Robbins, I just need you to look at this ultrasound." "Yeah." "Ugh!" "Sure." "[ Sighs ] Is it what I think it is?" "I mean, it's not, right?" "Yeah, it could be, type ii or III maybe." "Oh, God." "What's the matter?" "I shouldn't say." "Or maybe I should." "I don't know." "Tell me what to do." "This is April Kepner's baby." "I haven't told her." "I haven't told Jackson." "I didn't know what to do." "I just wanted us to be sure." "Don't mention it to either of them." "I'll, uh " " I'll ask Herman." "Because maybe we're wrong." "I hope so." "So..." "[ Sighs ] ..." "What happens now?" "Well..." "Listen, take some time." "And, uh... we'll get you up as soon as you're ready." "I'll be ready when Jordan's awake." "He's going first." "How long till he can walk?" "We're not sure when he'll wake up." "It could be days, months." "I'm not just gonna give up on him." "Oh, that's if we're lucky." "Look, I know." "I know how bad you feel." "I do." "But it doesn't mean that you should give up on the possibility of walking yourself." "I'm sure that Jordan wouldn't want you to." "Yeah?" "You know what he wants?" "See, he's my best friend." "Oh, no, no, no, I didn't -- I didn't mean it like that." "See, when I got shipped home to rehab..." "I was ready to give up." "I wanted to quit every day." "But Jordan -- he had this -- this stupid plastic football that he'd just throw at me every time I'd complain..." "At my face, hard." "And every day, I got a little bit better just so I could throw it back at him." "He saved my life." "He's gonna wake up." "And when he does, he's not gonna see that I s-- that I stole what's his..." "What he earned." "I am so sorry, but we just -- we don't know how -- what are we to you, huh?" "What are we -- trash?" "He broke, so you just throw him away, move on to the next one?" "Screw that." "He's gonna wake up." "Rick." "Rick." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "¶ I have seen ¶" "¶ all I care to see ¶" "¶ of this world ¶ are you okay?" "¶ It has no more for me ¶ [ Sighs ]" "Uh [Chuckles] I will be." "I will be." "Could -- could we just pretend that everything between you and I is okay, just for a little bit?" "I could use that." "Yeah." "[ Sighs ]" "I feel like everything is going wrong, and I have no idea what to do about it." "I feel [Chuckles]" "Like every single thing I am doing is wrong." "[ Sighs ]" "You will figure it out." "[ Clears throat ] You will." "¶ I want to go home ¶ you will, too." "[ Chuckles ] Thanks." "¶ I want to go home ¶" "¶ I'm following heat of the setting sun ¶ do you... miss me... at all?" "Of course." "Just..." "Not enough." "¶ ...waving for me ¶" "¶ my father's got his hands fixing something ¶ this infection is a lot deeper than the C.T. showed." "How are you doing?" "Okay." "It's really adhered to her ascending aorta." "Be careful." "I'm coming across a lot of adhesions." "I think this would be a lot easier without those two breathing down our necks." "Welcome to my life." "[ Monitor beeping ]" "The girl's brain could be herniating right now." "She thinks I've been working against her." "And to be truthful," "I have given her plenty of reason to believe that." "But that is not the case right here." "I swear it." "Yeah, I know." "And I know how frustrating it can be when someone chooses only to see you one way." "They're both so much like their mother." "You really screwed me here, with Pierce -- first the dinner, now this." "You know that, right?" "Yeah." "Sorry about that." "[ Monitors beeping rapidly ] She's bradying." "Constrictive pericarditis." "I'm gonna have to strip the entire pericardium." "Grey..." "I'm here." "...dry laps and a 15 blade, please." "Are they still watching?" "You can count on it." "¶ Where I came from ¶" "hey, um, Dr. Edwards and I would like you to look at an ultrasound." "Have to be later." "Got paged for an emergency "c." You'll assist." "Uh, will you excuse us, please?" "Uh, well, come find me later." "You spoke to Graham?" "You spoke to Graham?" "I was just worried." "Robbins, I don't know how many orgasms I have left in life, but it may be fewer than flavors of ice cream, so I can't spare any." "Stop stealing my orgasms." "[ Chuckles ] I didn't try -- and stop invading my privacy." "I was worried about you." "Well, it's not your business to be worried." "I'm " " I'm a doctor." "It's my nature." "And -- and you're sick." "And I want to help." "I want to keep you and our patients out of danger, and I just found you having a quickie with Graham." "Graham, okay, so -- and I have a hard time believing that that's not a symptom, and also, it's against -- it's against hospital rules." "Robbins, when you have an expiration date of five months, it's amazing how many rules you don't give a damn about." "Graham is a nominal surgeon, and he's a complete tool, but he's young, he's attractive, and he's very physically fit." "What you saw was not a symptom of a tumor." "It was a symptom of dying soon." "So I'm gonna screw as many grahams as I can." "And I -- and I -- I totally support that." "C-section." "Let's go." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "You paged me 911?" "Is it a me thing?" "Is what a you thing?" "God, can you keep something in your head for like two seconds?" "Me and Derek and this patient." "Am I just digging in because it's him?" "911 for this?" "I was telling a mom her 5-year-old has a spinal malformation." "I need two minutes." "[ Elevator bell dings ]" "Two minutes." "And promise me you won't crash in my bed tonight." "Because we saved this patient from organ failure, but now she could wake up with brain damage." "What if you were right?" "What if he wasn't being a stubborn, pig-faced jackass?" "What if it is me?" "Take Shepherd out of the equation." "If it was another doctor you were going up against, if it was, uh, me, or -- someone who was really good, like Bailey?" "Would you have made the same decision for your patient if it wasn't him?" "Thank you." "Sure." "And bite me." "I ended up taking a stand against Pierce." "That doesn't sound like staying out of her way." "Ah, I didn't know what I was getting myself into." "I thought it was just a consult." "Shepherd screwed me again." "I don't care for the way that sounds." "Where are you going?" "Up." "I got my wrist thingy on." "I've got to get my billion steps a day." "I feel like I'm making a bunch of steps in the wrong direction." "Maybe I should apologize to Pierce." "Apologize?" "Haven't you apologized enough already?" "You are a good man, a great surgeon." "You shouldn't be turning yourself inside out for her or anybody else." "You deserve better." "And if she can't see that, she doesn't deserve you." "I'm just afraid I've undone the progress I've already made." "Okay." "Now I'm bored, bored with kale smoothies and walking up stairs and listening to you talk about Pierce." "You sound like a broken record." "Sorry." "Kale rage talking." "But I'm not wrong." "Do not follow me." "[ Door opens ]" "Shepherd, you were looking for us?" "Yes. [ Computer beeps ]" "Uh, Jordan's awake." "He came around." "Thank God." "That's great." "Wait." "He is awake, but unresponsive." "There's no new or recurrent hemorrhage, but it's too soon to know how much function he'll regain or if there will be deficits." "I'm sorry." "Does he have people, uh, besides his friend?" "His parents are in Florida." "They're on their way." "Hunt, can I talk to you outside?" "Sure." "[ Door closes ]" "You have people, right?" "What do you mean?" "I just mean, um -- I mean, you're not trying to..." "It's hard to deal with all this stuff on your own." "But you have Meredith and Derek, so..." "Yeah." "And meetings." "I'm pushing through." "That's what we do." "Right." "[ Chuckles ]" "Do you?" "Have people?" "I'm -- [ Chuckles ]" "That's..." "I'm fine." "No, I know." "But you're right there, living in that little tin box on my brother's back lawn." "I mean, I keep saying I'm gonna move out, but I'm still up at the house, watching them glare at each other." "[ Chuckles ] Right." "Let me know if you, you know -- if you need people." "I'm around." "Thanks." "Oh, and thanks for the update." "[ Door opens ]" "[ Door closes ]" "I don't think I can do this." "I think I need to take a step back." "What do you mean?" "The program, the vets." "I'm -- [ Sighs ]" "You were right, Owen." "I-I don't know these guys." "I'm " " I'm trying to help them." "I'm ruining their lives." "It -- it was an accident." "I know I was angry, but you can't just stop " "Rick says he won't move forward until Jordan's all right." "Callie, that is " " Jordan might not be all right." "And I'm not just gonna throw Rick aside and move on to someone else." "I can't do that." "So you're gonna just stop 'cause things got hard?" "'Cause you're hurt?" "That is not acceptable." "You push through it." "You're not gonna give up on the program or on Rick." "Get him back here." "Owen, for what?" "Get him back here, and " " I'm don't want to give him false hope." "Then give him real hope." "Okay." "Okay." "I get it." "Stop throwing the football at my face." "[ Chuckles ] What?" "Nothing." "It -- it worked." "Okay, Claire, I need to do a neuro check." "I thought you said the surgery was successful." "We just have to make sure there was no problem with the brain abscess." "She could have brain damage?" "He's just making sure." "Can you follow this?" "Can you give me a good squeeze?" "Try and squeeze." "Is she okay?" "Dr. Shepherd?" "From what I can see." "You know, actually, why don't we ask her?" "Holly, how are you feeling?" "[ Breathing heavily ]" "[ Exhales sharply ]" "[ Cries ]" "Derek:" "Her second surgery for the brain abscess will be tomorrow, but I don't foresee any problems." "Thank you so much." "Mm." "Doctors." "Nice work delivering the placenta." "Your sutures need improvement, which is surprising." "Now?" "Yes, um, we need to show you an ultrasound." "Um, I-I don't trust myself, and Robbins thinks we might be wrong." "Robbins, a fetal surgeon who can't read an ultrasound is like a chef who can't boil water." "Just tell me what I'm looking at." "[ Tablet beeping ]" "What do you think it is?" "I'm asking you." "I want to know what you think you know." "I'm concerned that it's osteogenesis imperfecta." "Define it, please." "A congenital birth defect in which the child has fragile bones that are easily broken and for no reason." "With the more fatal cases, sometimes you can see the fractures in utero." "I assume that we're wrong." "I mean, it's so rare." "What makes you suspect it?" "Size and mineralization of the head, no movement in the fetus, short femurs that haven't grown." "Prognosis?" "That's... what I'm asking you." "Well, it's very sad." "If it is, indeed, type ii and the infant survives birth, they don't usually live more than a couple of days or weeks." "Robbins, someone you know?" "A friend." "I'm very, very sorry." "There's got to be something we can do." "I mean, what -- what can I do?" "Be there for her." "[ Siren wailing in distance ]" "Oh, uh, Edwards!" "I forgive you." "Y-you -- why?" "For spilling the beans about our little Buddha boy." "It was an honest mistake, and I was a total jerk." "I-I'm " " I'm honestly kind of glad to know." "I'm gonna tell Jackson tonight." "O-okay." "Um, well..." "[ Exhales sharply ]" "I'm sorry." "Uh..." "like I said, it's -- it's really okay." "[ Siren walls in distance ]" "¶ Run ¶" "¶ run away from all the pain I feel now ¶ you're really committing to this thing, aren't you?" "Got to get my steps in." "Dr. Webber!" "Ooh, look who's coming around." "Do not apologize." "You sided with Shepherd today." "I did." "I want to know why." "Pierce, it was a coin toss." "Could have gone either way." "But, uh, I'm glad it went yours." "[ Chuckles ]" "I'm not asking for an "attaboy" here." "I -- you really didn't think the lesions in her chest warranted immediate care?" "Absolutely." "But it was a catch-22, so I did a quick risk/benefit analysis, outcome measurements, oh, adverse effects." "It makes quite a quantitative list." "Really?" "Well, it's not infallible, obviously, but it's right most of the time." "May I see it?" "No." "I " " I do it in my head." "All of -- all of that?" "[ Chuckles ]" "Well, uh, I had lots of years of practice." "I'd be very interested in going over that list with you if you have time." "Um, you know, well, now's not a -- not a great time, but, uh -- but, you know, maybe I could catch up with you in the morning or we could grab coffee." "I would appreciate that." "Thank you." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Cellphone dings ]" "Can you hurry up?" "Hang on." "It's Meredith." "She and Shepherd are having a thing." "Oh." "Do you want to wait for her?" "We could give her a ride to our place, save her the trouble of coming over later." "You could tuck her in, leave a little mint on her pillow." "Come on." "She's not there that much." "She's always in our bed." "And -- and now Arizona is in our shower." "I actually feel like I'm part of a commune." "Shut up." "Look, I told you it's your house, too." "Yeah, apparently, you say that to all the girls." "Listen, that house was always open." "Even when mer hated me, I could be there." "People went through their crap, they needed a place to be, they came there." "You should understand that more than anybody." "[ Siren wailing in distance ]" "And as long as I'm the..." "It stays open, all right?" "All right." "And... come on." "You in my bed and Meredith in my bed are two really different things." "They better be." "What, you need me to prove it?" "Uh-huh." "¶ Ru-u-u-u-n ¶" "¶ couldn't talk, couldn't sleep ¶" "¶ didn't know what you need ¶ where are you going?" "I think I need more convincing." "Come on!" "[ Laughs ] ¶ want to stay ¶" "¶ want to leave ¶" "¶ I'm so caught in between ¶" "¶ now I finally see ¶ can I?" "¶ That you just weren't the one for me ¶ go for it." "¶ That you just weren't the one for me ¶ hey." "There you are." "Listen, I think " "I got your page." "Why are you down here?" "Wait." "What are you -- what are you doing?" "You told me to be discreet, so I set up in here." "Nobody comes down here." "No." "No." "Take them down." "Why?" "Give it back." "Just give it all back." "If she finds me with these, she will kill me." "Just -- you know what?" "Forget that I ever told you." "I thought you said that everybody who needed to know knew." "Yeah, and that's her and that's me, and she doesn't know that I know all of this, okay?" "She cannot find out that I stole these." "Amelia:" "Arizona " "I thought that she was dangerous and reckless, and it turns out that she's just -- she's just dying." "And she's alone and she's smart and she's funny and horny and lonely..." "Arizona, listen -- ...and she deserves to die however she wants to." "And I know what to look for now, and I can watch her." "And -- and she deserves to die with whatever dignity she can po" "Arizona, shut up and listen to me!" "I think I can remove this tumor." "I think I can save her life." "Stephanie:" "Dr. Herman?" "Can I just ask you about these scans again?" "Oh, yes." "Good catch, by the way." "Sharp eye." "Is there really nothing to help their baby?" "I mean, if anyone knows some way to help them, it's you." "Edwards, I wish I could tell you there was, but it wouldn't serve you..." "Or them." "[ Elevator bell dings ]" "Cases like this are usually hopeless." "This baby would have a very short, painful life." "I'm sorry." "So cute, sitting like a little Buddha." "[ Elevator doors closing ]" "What was that about?" "I can get the kids if you want to just go home." "Did you remember zola's coat?" "You forgot it yesterday." "I remembered the coat." "She can't keep going out in the cold if she doesn't have a coat." "She has the coat." "Yesterday you forgot it." "I remembered the damn coat." "Why don't you trust me?" "Of course -- for God's sakes, Meredith, of course I trust you." "Why did you call Richard today for a second opinion?" "If that had been any other surgeon " "Dr. Bailey -- would you have done it?" "It was a surgical consult." "It doesn't matter whether it's a surgical consult or a coat." "You don't trust me, and all you want to do is fight me." "I don't want to fight with you, but I'm not gonna compromise myself, Meredith, just because you think I -- well, you've already done that." "You've already compromised yourself and diminished yourself for me." "I feel that -- your pissiness and your resentment, Derek." "You know why?" "Do you know why I resent you?" "Because you've never had my back on this, not since the day I told you I would stay." "I told you that you and the kids were more important." "You have been determined to prove me wrong, that this is the wrong choice." "I have proven it -- because you can't be happy here." "You diminish everyone around you." "I did this for you." "I gave up everything for you." "There it is --  everything." "You gave up everything." "That was everything to you?" "Where are you going?" "Meredith:" "Nobody's memory is perfect or complete." "We jumble things up." "[ Baby crying ]" "We lose track of time." "Derek, slow down." "No." "I'm done." "I'm not gonna do this anymore, this constant battling." "I'm not battling, but I just am not gonna let you just -- yes." "Yes, you think I'm some sort of tyrant determined to keep you down." "You keep you down, and now I'm paying for it." "And I don't know how to fix it." "You should have just gone to D.C. is that what you want?" "Because that door is wide open." "That's what you want!" "Meredith, they offered me the job again -- today." "I could take this job right now." "We are in one place..." "Derek." "Derek." "Right." "Meredith." "[ Crickets chirping ] ...then another." "You should." "Take it." "[ Keypad beeping ]" "Deborah, it's Dr. Shepherd." "Glad I could catch you." "It was great that you came by today." "Please tell the president" "I would be thrilled to accept the post." "Yes, absolutely." "We can talk more then." "I look forward to it." "I will see you soon." "[ Keypad beeps ]" "Good." "Go." "Oh, I'm going." "No." "I mean it." "Go now." "And it all feels like one long, inescapable moment." "Go." "So, what does it mean?" "Richard!" "What do we take away?" "Which pieces will haunt us?" "I was... jealous." "So I ruined it." "Hurt us?" "Ellis:" "Richard!" "End us?" "Inspire us?" "He's very dreamy." "But he is not the sun." "You are." "It's just like my mother used to say -- the carousel never stops turning." "You can't get off."