"Into thin air, send this chair." "Hmmm." "This doesn't seem right." "Help!" "Somebody help!" "Max?" "Max?" "Du..." "Where are you?" "I'm right here." "I was trying to make Dad's chair disappear and..." "Well, you can figure out the rest." "Yeah, and I figure..." "you're holding the wand backwards." "No, well..." "Oh, maybe a little." "Into thin air, send this chair." "I hope you know how to get Dad's chair back." "Of course I don't." "Justin, I'm starting to think Dad's right." "If I'm gonna have any chance of winning this wizard competition," "I'm gonna need a tutor." "Dad's hiring you a wizard tutor?" "The best tutor around is right here." "That's an insult to me." "I tutor tutors!" "I heard yelling." "Is Justin being passionate about knowledge again?" "Max?" " Yep." " Yeah." "Guess what?" "Dad's hiring a wizard tutor for Max." "Wait, if Dad got Max a tutor, that means I'm probably next." "Why am I saying, "probably"?" "I'm next." "Oh..." "Yep, just be yourself." "That always gets rid of people." "You're so funny!" "Guys, I think my tutor's here." "I hope it's a wise old owl." "Hi." "Aw." "You're not an old owl, just a cute blonde chick." "Get rid of her." "I'm Tutor Hatchback." "I'm here to tutor Max Russo." "And something tells me you're him." "Yeah, that something's right." "That's him right there." "Uh-huh." "And that's uh..." "That's uh..." "That's Alex, right over there." "And..." "I'm..." "I'm..." "I'm..." "Am I supposed to tutor him, too?" "Him?" "No." "In fact, your services aren't really needed here at all because my brother has a vast knowledge of wizardry that may shame you into leaving here in disgrace, right, Justin?" "Justin?" "!" "We are so honored to have you here to tutor our dear brother." "If there is anything that you need, just ask." "?" "Is that u t is a pretty face?" "Guys are so easy." "Yeah, we're pretty easy." "* Well you know everything's gonna be a breeze *" "* That the end will no doubt justify the means *" "* You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease *" "* Yes, please *" "* But you might find out it'll go to your head *" "* When you write a report on a book you never read *" "* With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed *" "* That's what I said *" "* Everything is not what it seems *" "* When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams *" "* You might run into trouble if you go to extremes *" "* Because everything is not what it seems *" "* Everything is not what it seems *" "* When you can have what you want by the simplest of means *" "* Be careful not to mess with the balance of things *" "* Because everything is not... *" "You'll be surprised how many kids hold their wands backwards." "I'm sorry, Max." "You're holding your wand right, but don't grip it so tight." "You're not Judy Axe-Hand." "Whoa." "You..." "You read Judy Axe-Hand?" "That's like the best wizard comic book out there." "Yeah." "By "best" do you mean the one that's not totally lame?" "Yes!" "I have the whole series." " I'll go get them." "Hang on." " OK." "I like you." "Hope you don't wreck it." "Hey, tutor." "I, uh..." "I brought you some of my personal study aids to help you with Max." "Get out of here." "I'm starting a friendship thing here." "Friendship?" "Not if I make her my girlfriend first." "Oh, my gosh!" "You have My First Spell-Caster, a set of training wands, and even Merlin Flash Cards." "Ooh." "And..." "Oh, OK." "I used to play with those when I was a kid." "But you were using them last night." "Zip it." "So, uh, Tutor, um, do you ever," "I don't know, tutor people on asking anyone out?" "Well, who do you wanna ask out?" "Uh, well, I..." "You." "You don't need a tutor." "You're doing just fine." "Um, have you ever been to The Leprechaun Grill in the wizard world?" "No." "I love leprechauns, but they make me nervous." "I try to avoid situations that emphasize my... awkwardness." "I'm sure you'll fit in just fine." "That's what my mom says every day before I go to school." "Thank you." "So, she's a tutor named Tutor?" "Isn't that weird?" "Well, no, not in the wizard world, at least." "A lot of people name their kids what they want them to grow up to be." "But sometimes it doesn't work out." "My dad goes to a doctor named Butcher." "Anyway..." "Tutor is great." "She's into all the same things I'm into." "Well, so am I." "I don't want to sound as insecure as I really am, but you're not trying to replace me with that Tutor chick, are you?" "Harper you're wearing a dress made of fruit roll snacks." "No one could ever replace you." "Believe me." "Good, because I may not be your wizard friend, but I'm definitely your best friend." "Got a problem with that!" "?" "No." "Hey, Alex." "There you go." "Thank you." "Since your father is out of town, he won't know if we close up early." "How about I treat you gu to makeovers at the department store?" "Makeovers?" "Where stuck-up girls make snooty faces at us, while they pluck our eyebrows until we scream, and then tell us, "You'd be pretty if you took care of your skin"?" "Pass." "This is not what I imagined having a girl would be like." "So you think it'd be OK if I brought my shillelagh to The Leprechaun Grill?" "Where else would you take it?" "Mom, this is Max's tutor." "Guess what?" "We're going to The Leprechaun Grill." "Hi, I'm Theresa." "I'd ask you to come with us to get makeovers, but you're already so beautiful." "Way to boost our self-esteem up, Mom." "Oooh." "I'd love to go." "Really?" "Oh, great." "I'll go get my purse." "Justin, close up." "I'm disappointed in you, Tutor." "I thought we were on a nice road to friendship until now." "Oh, Alex, I'm sorry." "I thought you might enjoy making fun of the face-dance Sallys who work behind the makeup counter." "Oh, my gosh!" "I totally call them that too!" "We're so back on the road to friendship." " This is The Leprechaun Grill?" " Yeah." "By the way, I love your green tuxedo, Justin." "The shillelagh really makes it." "Thanks." "What's wrong?" "Nothing, I mean, I'm glad to be here with you." "It's just I thought there'd be real leprechauns running around here." "This is..." "Look, these workers are just dressed as leprechauns." "Yeah, but I heard they train their workers to act just like leprechauns." "What the hay." "Sure and Begorrah, welcome to The Leprechaun Grill." "Would you like to try our new Pot-'O-Gold Mini Tostadas?" "Mini Tostadas?" "Is there anything here that's genuine leprechaun?" "There's a leprechaun in a box over there." "Whatcha be lookin' at?" "!" "Why is he in there?" "Corporate makes us have a leprechaun to make the place look real." "Plus, that one's a little grouchy so we have to keep him in that box." "So, you gonna order something?" "Hey, guys." "Wow." "Only you could make a green tuxedo stand out in a leprechaun joint." "What are you doing here, Alex?" "I came to bring you your wallet." "I didn't forget my wallet." "I have mine right here." "Then good thing I made you check." "Hey, Tutor." "How fun was it telling that make-over girl she had to put a bag over her head because she was too beautiful?" "And she did it!" "It's official:" "Make-over girls are dumb." "Guess what?" "There's troll wrestling at the Wizardome." "Wanna go?" "Sure." "Alex, we're on a date." "Oh, relax, Justin." "Wrestling doesn't start for another hour." "You can finish your date while I poke that leprechaun with your stick." "That's a lot of anger in a tiny body." "A bully hippogriff is riding off with your bike." "What do you do to stop him?" "Archery and plumbing is the way to keep that thief from getting away." "Yay!" "Excellent!" "Good job!" "I caught a hippogriff." "Stop messing around, dude." "Tutor's trying to help you." "Actually, that was part of a practice quiz." "Max is doing pretty well." "Oh, yeah." "I'm doing pretty well." "At what?" "Hey, Tutor." "Wanna go to the wizard mall and watch cyclopses try on sunglasses?" "First of all, it's not "cyclopses-es-es."" "It's just cyclops." "Who cares?" "And second, I was gonna ask Tutor to do something with me first." "Oh, OK." "Let's go, Tutor." "Sorry, I can't go with either of you." " Oh, come on." "I've got to finish tutoring Max for this test so I can move on to my next student." "You're gonna leave?" "Yep." "Well, yeah, but we can still be friends and do stuff together, right?" "No." "The Wizard Council has a strict policy about tutors hanging around after their work is done." "Anyway, if you guys don't mind, we've got to get back to studying." "Studying." "That's what we're doing." "Yes!" "She can't leave." "She's the first wizard girl I've ever met who's actually normal." "Most wizard girls are all like, "Hee hee hee, I'm a wizard!" "Wizard girls don't talk like that." "In my mind they do." "You didn't have a chance with her anyway, 'cause you're all," ""I'm Alex." "I'm so tough I don't need to be nice."" "I don't talk like that." "In my mind you do." "It doesn't matter anyway." "Max ruined it for us." "I can't believe the kid picks now to start learning." "Well, you know, the test isn't until tomorrow," "Maybe we can find a couple of tutors to help him unlearn." "Where are we going to find a couple of tutors at this late hour?" "I know." "Let me call someone." "Hello?" "He..." "Oh!" " Us." " Yes." "When in doubt, inside out." "I did it." "I'm going to ace Tutor's wand quiz." "What did you do?" "Oh, I released the sand from that defective bottle." "Anyway, I'm gonna get some rest and turn in early." "Goodnight, guys." "Yep, turn in early." "First sign of a quitter." "What?" "I've studied hard, I've read all my spell workbooks and practiced my wand-eye coordination." "Oh..." "Ha!" "The real key to acing a test is not any of that." "It isn't?" "It isn't." "No." "Let me give you some of my secret wand tips." "For example, you should choke up on your wand for better control." "And the value of sleep is a myth." "You need to stay awake and let your brain soak up all the studying you've done." "And the best way to do that is to chill out and watch the all-night Unicorn Attack marathon on the Wizcovery Channel." "We don't know who was more surprised, the unicorn or our cameraman." "I know what you guys are trying to do." " I knew it wouldn't work." " Hold on." "What do you think we're trying to do, Max?" "You guys... are trying to help me pass the quiz." "See?" "False alarm." "OK." "You didn't get that one, but let's try this one." "Water to stardust." "Wait." "OK, go." "Stardust!" "Oh!" "Aw, man." "What was that noise?" "We were just outside talking about how great Max must be doing on his quiz." "I don't..." "I don't understand." "He was making great progress." "What happened, Max?" " I don't know." "Alex and Justin even helped me..." "Not really." "Well, unfortunately he failed the quiz." " What a shame." " Oh, that's such..." "Oh, man." "I guess I can't leave yet." "Awesome!" "Tutor." "What's your record for sneaking into the movies in one day?" "Mine's five." "Tutor, the Ancient Robe and Hat exhibit just opened up at the Wiz-sonian Institute." "You want to go with me to the museum?" "Being with you is like being at a museum." "Not much to look at, and you're instantly bored." "Yeah." "Why don't you guys go." "I'm gonna think of something better." "Max, why are you sighing?" "I'm not." "I'm just taking a deep breath, because I'm disappointed and sad." "Oh, honey, what's wrong?" "Mom, I failed the wand quiz." "Oh." "I'm sorry." "What happened?" "I don't know." "Alex and Justin even helped me study." "Alex helped you study, huh?" "Yeah, they showed me a new way to hold my wand and they helped me relax by watching TV all night." "One question, honey." "How did Justin and Alex react when you failed the quiz?" "Happy." "Then sad." "Tutor said she had to stay." "Then happy again." "Max, your brother and sister tricked you into failing the quiz just so Tutor wouldn't have to leave yet." "They used me?" "Yes, they did!" "As your mother, I have to tell you that taking revenge on your brother and sister is not something I wanna hear." "I didn't say revenge." "I know." "I know you didn't say it." "I'm just saying if you said it, I don't wanna hear it." "If only there was a way to get back at them." "Oh, getting back at them." "That would be just fine." "I can't believe it." "We snuck into seven movies." "Yeah, we had a blast." "Tutor, you know, you're a great friend." "You are, too." "I'm sorry that soon Max won't need me anymore." "Then I'll have to leave." "Oh, I'm not too worried about that." "Psst!" "Hey!" "Oh, hey, it's Cranky O'Shorty." "I'm famished." "I've been working all day." "Can you spare some of those spuds?" "You mean one of these?" "Nope." "Hey!" "Give it here!" "Tutor, I got us the tickets to the Wiz-sonian." "There you go." "Too late." "She already said she wanted to be my friend." "You did?" "Yeah, but that doesn't mean you and I can't go out, too." "Um, look, Tutor, being my friend and also his girlfriend isn't gonna work for us." "We try to keep our lives very separate." "Yeah." "We find it's better for everyone that way." "Mostly me." "Well, well, well." "If it isn't my brother and sister with their favorite person in the world, my tutor, Tutor." "Max, are you angry about something?" "Yes, I am." "Let me tell you what that something is." "Your new best friend and boyfriend messed me up on purpose so that I would fail the test and you wouldn't have to leave." "Max, Max, Max, listen to yourself." "Your loving brother and sister conspiring against you and your wizard training just for their own selfish reasons?" "Doesn't that sound ridiculous?" "Well, yeah, I guess it does." "I'm sorry I accused you guys." "We did it!" "What are you doing?" "I had it sold!" "Living with that lie was giving me stress-related symptoms." "OK, I can't believe it." "You back-stabbed your little brother?" "Alex and I were blinded." "We wanted her all to ourselves." "We're sorry." "Would you forgive us?" "OK, but I've got to get back at you first 'cause I kind of promised Mom." "What?" "Yeah." "And I think I'll use something Tutor taught me." "When in doubt, inside out." "Blarney, I'm out!" "Thank you, lad." "Now, I can turn me wrath on that evil lass." "Uh, how about those spuds you wanted?" "In fact, you can have them all." "Nah." "Me thinks I'll bite something else." "You!" "Ooh!" "Ouch!" "Ouch." "OK, easy." "Sensitive." "I hate leprechauns." "And I hate what you guys did to Max." "He has a lot of talent but he can't focus it because of all the dysfunction in this family." "What do you mean?" "We're not that dysfunctional." "Oh, no?" "OK, you sabotaged your little brother and then your mother told him to get back at you." "In all my years of tutoring I have never seen anything like this." "Well, then I, uh I guess this is goodbye." "I just feel like I'm gonna miss you." " Me, too." "Of course you are." "I'm part elf." "You are?" "Yeah." "I thought you knew that."