"So here's what's hapn Finn got Kurt to try out for the football team, which was super cool, but sometimes it seems like maybe Kurt's sort of got a crush on him." "It's enough to want to give up women all together." "Will's old crush, April, joined the Glee Club, but she was drunk all the time, so Will kicked her out." "Also, Sue convinced Kurt and Mercedes that they should join the Cheerios!" ", which Will was none too happy about." "And that's what you missed on..." "# Glee!" "#" "Ladies, what we have here is a grade-A dilemma." "Mercedes, your vocal chords have had more fantastic runs than a Kenyan track team, but that look simply will not do." "At first, I thought it was a subtle homage to yours truly, but now I fear it's some sort of ironic comment." "Ms. Sylvester, I'm just not comfortable in those Cheerios!" "skirts." "They don't fit me right." "Mercedes, you shouldn't feel embarrassed about your body." "Embarrassed?" "No, no." "I'm worried about showing too much skin and causing a sex riot." "How do you two not have a show on Bravo?" "Here's the skinny:" "Splitts!" "magazine, after much campaigning by one Sue Sylvester, has named me #Cheerleading Coach of the Last Two Thousand Years.#" "In seven days, reporter Tracey Pendergrass will arrive on campus, and my new star singer will have lost ten pounds, and be in a gende r-appropriate cheerleading uniform, or she is off the team." "Ten pounds?" "Are you serious?" "You could stand to lose a few, too, kiddo." "You got hips like a pear." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put in a call to the Ohio Secretary of State, notifying them I will no longer be carrying photo I.D." "You know why?" "People should know who I am." "Sue!" "We need to talk." "The auditorium is padlocked!" "Well, that's curious." " Did you check the sign-up sheet?" " What sign-up sheet?" "Why, the one I keep right here in my waistband," "William." "Let's see." "Yeah, I've got the entire week booked solid." "Got a big magazine feature coming up." "It's a little chilly for my girls to be practicing outdoors." "Yeah?" "Well, let's see what Figgins has to say about this." "Oh, I'm sure Figgins will just mumble something nervously and then pretend to take a phone call." "I happen to be blackmailing him." "Um, all right, I have one final announcement before we all leave." "We can't use the auditorium for the next week." "But that's garbage." "How are we supposed to practice for Regionals without the auditorium?" "The Cheerios!" "need it to practice in." "There's nothing I can do." "I recommend a sit-in." "I recommend we torch the place." "No." "Look, we've all faced adversity before, and we've come out stronger on the other end." "I'm going to check out a few of f-site locations for us to use, just for the week." "I promise I'll find us a new home." "Have good day, guys." "Oh, Finn, I wanted your opinion on this." "It's a swatch board." "I'm redecorating my bedroom." "Kind of going for a hunting lodge meets Tom Ford's place in Bel Air." "I was hoping you could help me out with the hunting lodge part." "I live in a closet." "There's cowboy wallpaper on the walls." "Oh..." "But I guess that one's nice." "Toile?" "I always pegged you as a chinoiserie type." "Mercedes..." "This is healthy!" "Chicken breast and a salad, dressing on the side." "You have a week to lose ten pounds." "That's like having to lose one of my butt cheeks." "Look at what I'm eating-- peeled celery." "And for breakfast, I had Splenda." "Look, Mercedes, now that we're cheerleaders, we're finally part of the in crowd." "We have a place at the table." "We don't have to beg undneath for scraps of attention." "Don't screw it up." "I'm pretty sure my cat's been reading my diary." "Hey, guys." "Can I ask you something?" "How do you manage to stay so skinny?" "The Sue Sylvester Master Cleanse." "Water, maple syrup for glucose, lemon for acid, cayenne pepper to irritate the bowels, and a dash of ipecac, a vomiting agent." "I haven't had a solid meal since 1987." "Sometimes I add a teaspoon of sand." "That can't be healthy." "Who cares?" "You can either feel terrible and look great, or get kicked off the team when that reporter gets here." "Why are you so upset?" "It's not your bed." "Don't you have any feelings about it?" "It's your and dad's honeymoon set." "I was conceived in that bed." "You were conceived on a pinball machine." "Well..." "I think that's everything." "You mentioned something about the recliner?" "Oh, yeah." "It doesn't look like much, but the parts all work." "Ooh, my wife would love this." "Sciatica." "Mom, no!" "It's not for sale." "This is Dad's chair." "This is the only picture of the two of us." "It's the only picture there will ever be of the two of us, and he's sitting in this chair." "It's a chair, honey." "It's not him." "What's going on with you?" "You're selling all our old stuff, you got new clothes, a new haircut..." "I'm seeing someone, Finn." "Um..." "I think I'm in love." "Who is it?" "Uh, do I know him?" "It's your friend Kurt's father" "Burt Hummel." "Hey." "I'd like to talk to someone about renting out this space." "Okay, fellas, grab a gal, or... grab another fella if that's the way the Good Lord made ya!" "'Cause it's a couples skate!" "No way." "# #" "Well, as I live and breathe!" "Will Schuester?" "!" "I just had a sex dream about you!" "Aw, isn't he smokin'?" "April." "April, please stop speaking into the mic." "Wait..." "I smell something." "What?" "I smell a duet coming on!" "#Fire!" "#" "Springsteen!" "Hit it!" "April, what is going on here?" "You own this place?" "# I'm ridin' in your car #" "# You turn on the radio #" "# You're pullin' me close #" "# I just say no #" "# I say I don't like it #" "# But you know I'm a liar #" "# 'Cause when we kiss #" "# Ooh... fire #" "# Late at night #" "# Ooh #" "# You're takin' me home #" "# You say you wanna stay #" "# I wanna stay #" "# I say #" "# I wanna be alone #" "# I say I don't love you #" "# But you know I'm a liar #" "# 'Cause when we kiss #" "# Ooh, fire #" "# Romeo and Juliet #" "# Samson and Delilah #" "# Oh, baby, you can bet #" "# A love they couldn't deny #" "# My words, they say split #" "# Yeah #" "# But my words may lie #" "# May lie #" "# 'Cause when we kiss #" "# Ooh, fire. #" "April, what happened?" "I mean, last time I saw you, you were getting cleaned up, headed off to Branson." "I know." "It's crazy, right?" "I was so jazzed about sobering up and starting a new life," "I had to stop at a bar to get a drink just to calm down." "Then I hung out at that bar for a few months or so." "One day, an old codger, about 75, 80, came in, and asked to buy me a drink." "Get this." "Buddy Leibowitz." "Of Leibowitz Strip Malls?" "I'm his new mistress." "April, I really thought you were serious about getting sober." "No." "Don't look so disappointed, Will." "I mean, who are we kidding really?" "I'm nothing but a washed-up dreamer." "It's all I'll ever be." "Besides, I've finally realized my lifelong ambition of being a mistress to an incredibly wealthy strip mall tycoon and the owner-operator of a cabaret roller rink." "Um, listen, about that-- well, the Glee Club kind of needs some rehearsal space." "Sue's commandeered the auditorium." "Are you kidding?" "Bring 'em here." "Really?" "Yeah." "Oh, that would be amazing!" "And I promise, it's only temporary." "Oh, you're the best." "Listen, uh, I got to run." "I've got an appointment to show my apartment." "What's this, now?" "Yeah, so I need to rent out my apartment and find a smaller place to live." "Uh... because I'm..." "I'm getting a divorce." "Divorce?" "!" "So you're free to date?" "And by date, I mean sleep with people." "And by sleep with, I mean have sex with people." "People like me." "Kidding." "Not really." "But listen to this." "You're looking for a subletter." "I'm looking for a place to stay." "One catch." "I'm full-time fancy now, Will." "I'm gonna want to check the place out." "I'm gonna wanna check the #fungshwung,# or the #fing-fong,# or whatever they call it." "Tell you what." "I'm gonna go get myself a bikini wax, and I'm gonna see you tomorrow." "I lost two pounds, Coach." "Well, Becky, you are assimilating beautifully." "Instead of being different and an outcast, you're just like every other teenage girl in America-- sadly obsessed with vanity." "Hey, before you know it, you'll be leaving little baggies of upchuck in your parents' linen closet." "Congrats." "I'm proud of you, kid." "Thanks, Coach." "You betcha." "Next!" "Hey, you're still in your track uniform." "Yup, and I'm ready for my midweek weigh-in." "I've been eating very well, and walking everywhere, and..." "Okay, well, climb aboard." "Let's see how many libbies you lost." "Well, look at that, Mercedes." "You've gained two pounds." "What?" "!" "That's impossible!" "Look, I'm gonna break it down for you." "You have four days to lose the weight, get yourself in a uniform, or you're out." "What am I gonna do?" "Well, you might try dropping the attitude." "I'm sure there's a pound or two in that." "You know, with the Cheerios!" ", we have only one lesson, and it's very simple lesson:" "You do whatever it takes." "Next." "Kurt, hey!" "What-What the hell's going on with our parents?" "How did this happen?" "When did they even meet each other?" "Parent-Teacher conference night, about a month ago." "I always accompany my father to those conferences, to act as translator." "How do you know this is not organic?" "Because you can see the logo." "It's encrusted in the cookie." "Fate brought them together." "Dad, meet Carole Hudson." "Ms. Hudson, my father" " Burt Hummel." "You both have dead spouses, maybe you should talk." "You know, I was just saying to a friend that acid wash should make a comeback." "Mmm." "Really." "And who said it ever left?" "It was an instant connection." "That's impossible." "When will you learn that nothing is impossible when it comes to love?" "Haven't you noticed anything different about your mom?" "New clothes, new makeup, a haircut that doesn't look like it was styled by the Amish?" "Who do you think Pretty Woman'ed her up?" "Has she started selling the furniture yet?" "Yeah, yeah, she just got rid of her old bedroom set." "And she tried to sell my dad's chair, but I stopped her." "How did you even know that?" "People our parents' age don't wait around for love to bloom." "They know what they want." "I guess you and I will be roommates with Mom and Dad cohabitating upstairs by midterms." "No way." "Give in to the inevitable, Finn." "I want us to decide how to redecorate our room together." "That's why I asked you about the swatches." "And don't sweat that old chair." "I have a lovely chaise picked out." "Look-Look, screw yo u-your swatches and you-your #chez.#" "#Chaise.# Whatever, okay." "Look, I-I like my house." "I'm not moving, and she's not selling that... that damn chair." "A roller rink?" "!" "Weren't those outlawed in, like, 1981, for being totally lame?" "Oh, come on, guys, where's your sense of adventure?" "The space is great and April is giving it to us to practice in for free." "Mr. Shue, if I may?" "New Directions!" "is clearly a club with a dearth of direction." "Rachel and Jessie refuse to accept that all of us would rather die before we allow them to become the next Beyoncé and Jay-Z." "And Finn's mother's romance with my father is sending him into a wholly unnecessary tailspin of despair." "What we all need right now is to explore the idea of a sense of place and how, if we find that place within, we will get that happy ending." "Brad, B flat." "# A chair is still a chair #" "# Even when there's no one sitting there #" "# But a chair #" "# Is not a house #" "# And a house is not a home #" "# When there's no one there #" "# To hold you tight #" "# And no one there #" "# You... can... #" "# Kiss... good... night #" "# A room is still a room #" "# Even when there's nothing there but gloom #" "# But a room is not a house #" "# And a house is not a home #" "# When the two of us #" "# Are far apart #" "# And one of us has a broken heart #" "# Now and then I call your name #" "# And suddenly your face appears #" "# But it's just a crazy game #" "# And when it ends #" "# It ends in tears #" "# So, darling, have a heart #" "# Don't let one mistake keep us apart #" "# Well, I'm not meant to live alone #" "# Turn this house into a home #" "# When I climb the stair and turn the key #" "# Oh, please be there #" "# Still in love... #" "# With me. #" "Hiya, hot stuff." "Hey, April." "Um... come in." "What's with the..." "what's with the duffel bag?" "Can't have an overnighter without an overnight bag." "Overnight?" "Baby, I'm an artist" " I don't go by brains," "I go by feel." "I need to settle in to the energy of the place, get to know the ghosts." "Won't Buddy miss you?" "Oh, he's out of town." "Something about buying a new kidney or lung." "Look, April, I'm really not comfortable with any of this." "I'm not looking for a hookup, Will." "I just sleep better with someone inside the house." "I guess I've been just feeling a little lonely, you know?" "Yeah." "I know." "Just one night?" "Oh, look, do you want to sublet this place quick or not?" "Okay, fine, but you get the couch." "And no funny business." "Um... bathroom is right around the corner." "Sometimes you just need a little Burt." "Take whatever you want from the refrigerator." "April." "The liquor cabinet is off-limits." "Oh, no worries-- brought my own." "Good night, April." "G'night, Will." "# One less bell to answer #" "# One less egg to fry #" "# One less man #" "# To pick up after #" "# I should be happy #" "# But all I do is cry #" "# Cry, cry #" "# No more laughter #" "# Oh, I should be happy #" "# Oh, why did she go...?" "#" "# I only know that since he left #" "# My life's so empty #" "# Oh # # Though I try to forget #" "# It just can't be done #" "# Each time the doorbell rings, I still run #" "# I don't know how in the world #" "# To stop thinking of him #" "# I should be happy #" "# 'Cause I still love him so #" "# I end each day the way I start out # # I start and end #" "# Crying my heart out # # Each day crying #" "# One less bell to answer #" "# One less egg to fry #" "# One less man # # One less man #" "# To pick up after #" "# No more laughter # # No more #" "# No more love... #" "# Since he went away #" "# Since she #" "# Went away # # Since he #" "# Went away #" "# Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh... #" "# A chair is still a chair #" "# Even when there's no one sitting there #" "# Well, I'm not meant to live alone #" "# Turn this house into a home #" "# When I climb the stair and turn the key #" "# Oh, please be there #" "# Still in love #" "# With me... # # One less bell to answer #" "# Each time the doorbell rings #" "# I still run... #" "# One less egg to fry #" "# I've got one less man # # One less man... #" "# To pick up after #" "# No more # # No more laughter #" "# No more love #" "# Since he #" "# Went away # # Since she #" "# Went away # # Since he #" "# Went away #" ": # All I do #" "# Is #" "# Cry. #" "Good night, Will." "Good night, April." "A toast." "Tonight is a momentous occasion." "It marks the first rea communion between the Hummel and the Hudson clans." "I imagine that when the Bouviers and the Kennedys first broke bread, there was a similar sense of joy and urgency." "So let me raise my Shirley Temple to our new little family." "Aw..." "We're not a family." "Finn..." "It's cool." "You're right." "Your mom and I just enjoy each other's company right now." "Let's just enjoy dinner." "I mean, I'm buying, right?" "What you, playing basketball now?" "Yeah, but I actually kind of like football better." "I didn't know that." "Sounds crazy, but I miss getting hit." "Pure boyish insanity." "No, it isn't." "I totally get that." "I used to love the feeling of getting my clock cleaned and then popping right up." "Kind of reminded me of being alive." "Yeah." "Why hasn't anyone commented on the new jeans I got Carole?" "Oh, come on." "Notice that the waistband falls well below the belly button." "A welcome change." "Sure, Kurt." "Hey, you know, I sell tires to one of the assistant coaches from the Browns." "I can probably get you tickets, if you want to go." "That'd be awesome." "I've never been to an NFL game live before." "Well, no problem." "FINN :" "Wow." "You know, for a place called Breadstix, these really suck." "It's really just stale bread." "Yeah..." "Hey." "You finally choose one?" "No." "They're all wrong." "Well, they all look like gray to me." "Well, maybe if they were different colored sports uniforms, you'd work harder to try and tell them apart." "I knew it." "I knew when I started in on the football with Finn, you'd take it personal." "How could I not, Dad?" "When was the last time you were that engaged in a conversation with me?" "I'm sorry." "I don't know what you want here." "What I want is for you to appreciate how hard it is for me to watch you bond with the son that you've obviously always wanted." "Oh, suddenly I'm not the guy who sat through Riverdance three years in a row?" "Look, Kurt, I love you, and I am sympathetic to all of your stuff, but come on, buddy, we got a deal here." "Right?" "I don't try to change you, you don't try to change me." "You are my son, and a little guy talk with some other kid isn't gonna change that." "Guy talk?" "I'm a guy." "Well, come on, you know what I mean." "Maybe I was wrong." "Maybe it is too soon for you to start getting serious with someone." "Your mom's been dead eight years, you know that." "Why'd you fix me up with Carole, huh?" "Wasn't it to make me happy?" "'Cause that's what you told me." "Can you go now?" "I'm a half an hour behind on my moisturizing routine, and I need to get up early." "Do you want half of my peppermint patty?" "No." "I don't put junk in my body." "Why are you doing this?" "We like you no matter how you look." "And those shake diets are really unhealthy." "They also don't really work." "As soon as you go off them, you gain back the weight you lost." "You know what?" "I don't want to hear it!" "You have no idea how much I'm sacrificing to be a Cheerio!" "To look fantastic." "To finally fit in at this school." "We're just trying to look out for you." "We just want you to be healthy." "Stop getting all up in my face, telling me what I can and cannot do." "And I'm really hungry, so stop trying to get me to eat you!" "Hold up." "Did she just say she wanted to eat us?" "The point is that Fanny Brice is the most iconic work." "Aw, damn." "Your blood pressure's low." "Maybe that's why you fainted." "Your mom will be here soon." "I'll go and get you some ginger ale." "Thanks." "I'm not hungry." "Yes, you are." "You're starving." "I know." "I've been there." "Did all the other kids start looking like food right before you fainted?" " Yeah." "How'd you know?" " Been there." "...Eat the granola bar." "Why are you being so nice to me?" "I can't remember the last time you said two words to me that weren't #you# and #suck.#" "'Cause I was you-- scared." "Hating myself for eating a cookie." "But I got over it." "Yeah, of course you did," "Miss Pretty Blonde with the white girl ass." "When you start eating for somebody else, so that they can grow and be healthy, your relationship to food changes." "What I realized is that if I'm so willing to eat right to take care of this baby, why am I not willing to do it for myself?" "You are so lucky." "You've always been at home in your body." "Don't let Ms. Sylvester take that away from you." "I'm so embarrassed." "This isn't me." "How did I become this person?" "You are beautiful." "You know that." "I'm gonna stay here with you until your mom comes, okay?" "# Home sweet home #" "# Tonight, tonight... #" "I don't think this is gonna work out." "So, I'm thinking about closing up early." "Want to order a pizza, maybe snuggle up, pop in a movie?" "I don't think we should make a habit of spending the night together." "All we did was sleep." "No." "All you did was sleep." "I was up all night with you kicking me." "Sorry." "Them's the night terrors." "Look, I'm in the middle of a divorce, and you..." "Are you really where you want to be?" "I mean, being somebody's mistress?" "Don't you think you deserve a little bit more than that?" "You can be the life of the party every night and drink till you can't see straight, but you're always going to feel empty inside until you really find a home." "# I'm on my way... #" "But, listen, if you need a place to stay tonight..." "No." "No." "You're right." "You're right." "I am worth more than that." "Tonight, I'm gonna go over to Buddy's, and I'm gonna tell him we're through." "If he still had the powers of speech," "I'm sure he'd be thankful." "You know, RinkyDinks loses $8,000 a night." "Turns out, roller rinks-- not so profitable." "You always give me the right advice, Mr. Schuester." "See you around." "Finn, we need to talk." "We have to break up our parents immediately." "I screwed up." "I feel like the guy who set up Liza and David Gest." "It hurt you, didn't it?" "When I was talking sports with your dad and stuff." "I could tell that you were..." "Left out?" "Invisible?" "Yeah." "I don't like that my mom's forgetting about my dad." "It's up to me to keep his memory alive, and I don't want to move in with you." "No offense." "None taken." "So we put an end to them." "Agreed?" "Agreed." "What are you doing?" "I'm going to flush Dad's ashes down the toilet." "Have you lost your mind?" "!" "What?" "I'm just doing the same thing you're doing to him." "What's the point of keeping his remains around if you're just gonna dump them out like an old ashtray?" "Fine." "What are you doing?" "What you want." "What we've been doing for the last 15 years-- pretending." "Come on, Finn, let's sit and watch TV as a family." "Look!" "There's a basketball game on." "Your dad would've liked to watch that." "What do you think, Christopher?" "Mom, you're being crazy." "And you're being selfish." "I like Burt." "I-I..." "I haven't felt this way about a guy since your dad died." "At least not one who felt it back." "This family works." "I don't want it to get screwed up!" "This family manages." "We get by." "You just don't know any differently because you think what we have is normal." "I do this with him every night." "I take the urn to bed with me, and I talk to him about my day." "16 years," "I've been asking him for advice and and waiting to hear his laugh, and for him to tell me that he loves me." "And he never does." "And he never will." "I won't do it." "I'm not moving." "I'm not ready." "And he wouldn't want you to do this if I wasn't ready." "You didn't know him, Finn." "Sweetheart, love you so much." "We don't need any more memories or ghosts." "We need a family." "A home." "Well, with a name like Tracy," "I assumed you were a lady." "Quite a turnout for a pep rally." "On assembly days, I arrange for the rest of the school to be fumigated, leaving the gymnasium the only place with breathable air." "Oh, come on." "Thas clever." "You might want to start writing down my little bon mots." "I'm gonna be dropping some beauties on you." "You know, this is just a freelance job." "I was short-listed for the Pulitzer last year for my Newsweek piece on high school athletes going pro." "So my cover story isn't a fluff piece?" "Nope." "Hard-hitting investigation." "Feast your ears on this smokin' intro." "In a few seconds." "It's so important to build the tension." "What is she doing?" "Hey, guys." "I'm Mercedes Jones." "So most of you know" "Cheerios!" "is about perfection and winning, looking hot and being popular." "Still building the tension." "Well, I think that it should be about something different." "How many of you at this school feel fat?" "How many of you feel like maybe you're not worth very much?" "Or you're ugly, or you have too many pimples and not enough friends?" "Well, I felt all those things about myself at one time or another." "Hell, I felt most of those things about myself today." "And that just ain't right." "And we've got something to say about it." "And if you like what we have to say, come down here and sing it with us." "# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ah #" "# Yeah #" "# Every day is so wonderful #" "# And suddenly #" "# It's hard to breathe #" "# Now and then I get insecure #" "# From all the pain #" "# I'm so ashamed #" "# I am beautiful #" "# No matter what they say #" "# Words can't bring me down #" "# I am beautiful in every single way #" "# Yes, words can't bring me down #" "# Oh, no #" "# So don't you bring me down today #" "# No matter what we do # # No matter what we do #" "# No matter what we say # # We're the song that's outta tune #" "# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah # # Full of beautiful mistakes #" "# And everywhere we go # # And everywhere we go #" "# The sun will always, always #" "# Shine #" "# 'Cause we are beautiful #" "# No matter what they say #" "# Yes, words won't bring us down #" "# Oh, no #" "# Ah... # # We are beautiful #" "# In every single way #" "# Yes, words can't bring us down #" "# Oh, oh, oh #" "# So don't you bring me down today # # Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh... #" "# Oh, oh, oh #" "# Oh #" "# Don't you bring me down today #" "# Hey... #" "# Yeah #" "# Oh # # Ooh... #" "# Don't you bring me down #" "# Today. #" "We can finish this interview in your office tomorrow." "Thank you." "I was wrong." "Mr. Pendergrass, let me explain." "Just have a seat." "Oh." "Not used to taking orders in my own office." "Sue, when I met you, I instantly disliked you." "You're bossy, insulting, and the fact that twice you called me Rerun makes me think you're a little racist." "I came here to write a piece that would expose you as a coward and a cheat." "I could not have been more wrong." "Beg pardon?" "You got every shape and size Cheerio!" "up there singing about empowerment and inclusion, telling everyone it's okay to be exactly the person you are." "You're a visionary, and I think redefining cheerleading." "Bravo." "Well, thank you, uh, Mr. Pendergrass." "I..." "I can't say I'm surprised." "Um, you know, I work so hard to get my girls feeling good about themselves, becae it's what's inside that counts." "It's an honor, Coach." "When this hits the stands, it could mean big things for you." "What are you doing here?" "Did you already move in?" "No, your mom invited me." "She thought you and I could have a man-to-man." "Good, you know, 'cause I got a lot to say about this." "Well, I don't, so let me go first." "You're pissed, I get it." "Your dad is a hero, not only to the world for what he did in Desert Storm, but he's a hero to you." "No way I can fill his shoes." "It's just, you know..." "I love your mom." "She's like this angel that, you know, came down to wake me up after all these years, and I swear to you I will never hurt her," "I will always take care of her." "And I can't be your dad, but I will be her hero for as long as she'll take me." "All right, I've said my piece." "What do you want to say?" "Just... want to know if you want to watch a game." "Sure." "Hold up." "You can sit here if you want." "You know, I hate Duke like I hate thNazis." "Tell me about it." "This team, every year, they recruit these guys and, uh..." "I-I don't know what to say." "Just say congratulations." "I took your advice." "I went home, I told Buddy that if he wantedo keep me around, he had to ditch the old lady and give yours truly the top job." "And then he died." "One of his eyes went all funny and he had a stroke right in front of me." "Geez, April, are you okay?" "Okay?" "I'm rich." "The ol' battle axe was afraid I'd go to The Lima Times, so she shut me up to the tune of $2 million." "So I'm sobering up, and I'm heading to the Broadway, Will." "I haven't had a drink in 45 minutes." "I'm going to take my hush money and I'm going to mount the first-ever al l-white production of The Wiz." "Okay." "And I've got you to thank." "Did you tell him yet?" "Tell me what?" "That I bought y'all the auditorium." "What?" "!" "I wrote ol' Figgins a check this morning." "It's now called the April Rhodes Civic Pavilion." "I..." "I don't know what to say." "We've got that covered." "# When I think of home #" "# I think of a place #" "# Where there's love overflowing #" "# I wish I was home #" "# I wish I was back there #" "# With the things I been knowing #" "# Wind that makes the tall grass bend into leaning #" "# Suddenly the raindrops that fall have a meaning #" "# Sprinklin' the scene #" "# Makes it all clean #" "# Maybe there's a chance for me to go back #" "# Now that I have some direction #" "# It sure would be nice to be back home #" "# Where there's love and affection #"