"No, look." "That's a pig." "I know, I know, but look at the knobs on her." "Hey!" "Emily's cousin kicked me out!" "What?" "!" " Why?" "Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back." "How can he do that?" "Didn't you sign a lease?" "Who needs a lease when it's family!" "Hey, you can stay with us!" "We'll take care of ya!" "Oh, yeah!" "Absolutely!" "Anything you need man!" "But you have to promise me the second you are feeling better so that we can make fun of your hair!" " Yeah." "You got it. / Okay." "Thanks you guys, I really appreciate this." "All right, I'm gonna get packing again." "Man, I've been moving around so much I'm beginning to feel like a nomad." "What?" "He thought you said gonad." "Wow, Monica, if every restaurant is as clean as yours, I'd have a tough time making a living." "Oh, Larry." "Umm, do health inspectors work on commission?" "No, bribes." "It's okay to laugh right?" "Yeah, I was just kidding. / Okay." "I'll check the kitchen floors." "Okay, knock yourself out, Larry." "Yum-my!" "Larry?" "Oh yeah!" "I'd let him check out my kitchen floors." "A 98." "I deducted 2 points because you are not wearing your chef's hat, and that is a Section 5 violation." "Uh, look, Larry honey, umm, I wrote the book on Section 5 and I know that you don't have to wear your hat unless you're in the kitchen." "And where is your hat?" "It's in the kitchen, I'll go get it." "Ahh that's the 2 points." "Hey, you should really read that book you wrote." "Wow!" "You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it." "You can have your own health inspector detective show!" "Oh, I don't know about that." "Yeah, but then I can be you sidekick Vunda." "Maybe uh, Vunda could give me her number and I can ask her to dinner sometime." "Okay, she would love that!" "Y'know, 'cause you know all the clean places to eat." "I-I'll call ya. / Okay." "He's so funny!" "Thanks. / Thank you." "Mon?" "Hmm?" " How's Ross doing?" "Y'know since all the Emily stuff." "He's not great umm, but he's dealing with it." "Oh wait a minute, you're not gonna try¡¦" "Oh, honey, please, no, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again." "I mean, he's gonna screwed up for a looong time." "And besides y'know, I don't, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced." "Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married." "Two pounds of Moca Java please." "Danny." "Are you guys ever gonna go out again?" "I don't know!" "He hasn't called me since that one time when we went out." "I see him in the hallway, we flirt, I'm all ha-ha-ha-ha, and nothing." "Hey!" " Hi Danny!" "Wow!" "Thirsty huh?" "Uh, actually, actually, I'm having a party at my place on Saturday, it's sort of a house warming kind of thing." "Ohh, fun!" " Ohh, great!" "Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. / Yeah." "Okay, see ya." "Well, I guess we won't be warming his house." "Okay." "All right, I see what he's doing!" "He's not asking me out, because he wants me to ask him out." "And you're not gonna do that." "That's right!" "'Cause that would give him the control!" "So now he's all ooh, coming up with this whole I've got a party thing y'know, trying to get me to hint around for an invitation." "Blew up in his face, didn't it?" "So-so there is no party." "No, there's a party." "There's a party." "But the power, that is still up for grabs." "You follow me?" "I think so." "Se, he-he's not inviting you to his party because he likes you." "Exactly." "Ross?" "Hey roomies!" "Love what you've done with the place." "Oh, yeah I know, I know, it's a lot of boxes, but again I really appreciate you guys letting me stay here." "Not a problem." "And listen, hey!" "Since you're gonna be here for a while, why don't-I was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine." "Oh yeah!" " Oh, I uh, hope you don't mind, I kinda uh, jazzed it up a little." "Check this out." "We will, we will, call you back!" "Hey, all right!" " Pretty cool, huh?" "You're fake laughing too, right?" "Oh, the tears are real." "You look beautiful this evening." "Show me the badge again." "Shiny." "Oh, will you mind if I wash up?" "Because I came straight from work and who knows where these babies (Holds up his hands) have been." "You are just nonstop!" "We're outta here!" " Why?" "!" "Just walking past the kitchen I saw 10 violations!" "I'm shutting this place down!" "You have the power to do that?" "This does." "Shut it down." "Hey." "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "You built a fort didn't ya?" "Kinda." "Oh my God, the air purifier!" "Ross's air purifier!" "All I heard through 4 years of college was" "Dude, you should've gone out once and a while." "I hate this thing!" "Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend." "He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!" "Oh, hi Danny." "Hey guys, I just uh, wanted to invite you to the party tomorrow night." "Oh, thanks!" "We'll try to stop by." "Uh, actually, I think I'm gonna be busy." "You are?" "Yeah!" "Remember I got that uh, gala." "Yeah, what's the gala for?" "It's a uh, regatta gala." "Really!" "You-you sail?" "No-no, but I support it." "Okay, hope I see you tomorrow night. / Okay." "Take care." "Okay." "Walked right into that one didn't he?" "What one?" "You wanted him to invite you to the party and he did it!" "Yeah, but he waited until the last minute!" "So if I said yes, he would know I had nothing better to do than wait around for an invitation to his stupid party." "I said, "No!" Which puts me right back in the driver seat." "Great." "So the ball is in his court?" "Ball?" "There is no ball." "Joey, please!" "Sorry." "Ahhhhhhhhhh¡¦" "Hello children!" "Hey!" "Wanna play some foosball?" "Please?" "Okay." "No-no, no!" "We have to move the table into my room, yeah!" "'Cause of all the boxes." "Come on!" "All right, I have one question." "What is the deal with this?" "Bye-bye little puppet Joey hand?" "No, the quiet down thing!" "You mean this." "Um-hmm!" "Look, I-I-I don't know how much more of this I can take!" "Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with some show about bugs!" "My God!" "What if that had been porn?" "All right look, y'know, this maybe tough but come on, this is Ross!" "I survived college with him!" "All right, I guess I can hold out a little longer." "Let's have a game." "Okay." "No-no-no-no!" "YES!" "Uh fellas," "Okay, so he's out of here." "Um-hmm." "Hey!" " Hey!" "You guys got anything to eat?" "I just went down to Johnos for some chicken and it was closed!" "Oh, I took Larry there to eat but it was all violated." "So we shut it down!" "Pheebs, if this guy keeps closing down all of our favorite places, where are we gonna eat?" "!" "I don't know, clean places?" "Umm, yum!" "It's Danny." "Don't let him in!" "I'm supposed to be at a regatta gala." "We'll be right there!" "Can't you just say it starts later?" "What?" "What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?" "!" "The fake kind!" "Hey, hi, I need a ladle." "You got a ladle?" "We have a ladle." "Thanks, see you at the party." "Okay, great!" "Hey, guys, you know what Larry would say?" "He would say, "See you ladle."" "Well, I-I-I'm done with this." "You want anything Ross?" "Sports?" "International?" "Apartment listings?" "I'll take sports. / Mine!" "All right." "Uhh, international. / Oh that's mine too!" "I'm Italian!" "Well, I guess I can check out those apartment listings, even though there's never anything in here." "Not even on page 7?" "Oh yeah!" "You're-hey, you're right!" "Here's an affordable place, two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks!" "What about that circled one?" "Oh, I-I don't know, it's kind of expensive for a studio." "But it's available now!" "Isn't it?" "Yes, it is. / Hey, let's go look at it!" "Okay, let's go. / Okay!" "There we go!" "Oh-oh-ooh, hey guys, I was wondering if you guys would uh, maybe chip in on some new air filters for the air purifier?" "I mean after all, we all are using it." "Let's go quicker. / Yeah!" "Oh my God!" "Yeah, well look at this kitchen, slash bathroom." "Well that's great!" "Y'know so you can cook while in the tub." "Somebody was using his head." "Hey, let's check out the rest of the place." "I think this is it." "I don't know, maybe we should keep looking." "But hey, Ross, this place is available now!" "Yeah, you don't want to be stuck with us for the next five weeks. / Yeah." "So, you-you think I should go ahead and take this place?" "Oh, it's perfect!" "How about you?" "It's a kitchen slash bathroom." "All right, I see what you guys are saying." "I'll uh, I'll go downstairs and fill out an application." "We are bad people." "He knew we were trying to get rid of him." "He knew!" "You think we could get a bathtub in our kitchen?" "Hey, ready for dinner?" "Ooh, absolutely!" "Great!" "How about you wanted to go the Italian place down on Bleaker Street right?" "Ooh, I love that place!" "So, no." "How about Mama Lisettie's?" "Enh." "Sure!" "I wonder how long that milk has been setting out." "Oh, no-no, this place is totally healthy!" "That-this milk is mine." "I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know." "Okay, let's go!" "Hey, buddy!" "Are you familiar with Section 11-B of the Health Code that requires all refuse material out the back exit?" "But then I'd have to go all the way around the dry cleaner place." "Oh, so you're saying you'd choose convenience over health?" "!" "Okay, stop!" "Larry, okay, can't you just be Larry and not Larry the health inspector guy?" "Y'know I mean it was really exciting at first but now it's like, okay, so where are we gonna eat ever?" "Well, I suppose I could give him a warning." "Thank you." "Okay, go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Now, if after dinner you still really need to bust someone, I know a hot dog vendor who picks his nose." "Maybe, maybe we did a good thing, helping Ross get back on his feet!" "Yes that was a nice place!" " Yeah!" "Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag!" " Yeah!" "What are we gonna do?" "I don't know." "Maybe pizza?" "About Ross!" " Oh!" "Oh!" "Hello!" "Oh yeah!" "It's the apartment manager;" "Ross put us down as references." "Ross is the greatest guy you'll ever meet!" "Yeah, he's very reliable." "Of course he has this big huge dog!" "That uh, barks into the night." "Well, who doesn't love dogs?" "Ah, he's a tap dancer!" "Yes, some would say that is a lost art." "He's a pimp!" "There you go!" "Yes, he's a pimp." "He's a big, tap dancing pimp!" "Hello?" "Ohhhhh!" "Shoot, shoot, this is never gonna work!" "He's right there!" "Just go over and say hi." "No, I have to go downstairs and come back up as if I'm coming home from the regatta gala." "Okay?" "So just go distract him." "But don't be sexy." "Hey, Danny!" "Hey!" "What's going on?" "Oh, it's a great party!" "Great food." "Y'know, most parties it's all chips and salsa, chips and salsa." "So umm, what's this?" "Salad." "Ooooh!" "And-and-and what-what's this?" "Bread." "Aren't you a chef?" "Oh. / Hey!" "Rachel!" "Hey!" "Oh right, tonight was your party." "Oh wow, you look great!" "Glad you could make it." "Oh well, y'know, the gala had to end sometime." "Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back." "Yeah, sure." "All right, whose court is the ball in now?" "I thought there wasn't a ball?" "Oh, come on!" "He's glad that I came, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, balls flying all over the place!" "Rachel, this is my friend Tom." "This is the girl I told you about." "Oh, go on!" "You telling people about me?" "You two could really hit it off!" "I'm gonna go mingle." "So you work at Bloomingdale's, huh?" "My mom calls it Bloomies." "Yeah, okay, at ease solider!" "I'm sorry?" "No, it's all right, you can just drop the act Tommy." "I know what's going on here." "Your Danny's wingman right?" "You guys are best buds." "Frat bros!" "I'm gonna go talk to uh, a friend." "Yeah, yeah, you go talk to your friend." "You tell him, "Nice try."" "Man!" "He just keeps lobbing them up and I just keep knocking them right out of the park!" "I think I need a drink. / Yeah!" "98. 99. 100." "Okay, go!" "Dude, I'm telling ya!" "I'm fine!" "Here we go!" "Here we go!" "Hey!" " Hey!" "Hey." "So I uh, I didn't get that apartment." "Some problem with my application." "You're kidding!" " You're kidding, no!" "Yeah." "But, the good news is that Phoebe said that I could stay at her place for a while." "So¡¦" "But you can't stay with Phoebe, Ross!" "We're-we're roomies!" "Look, you guys don't need me here taking up your space." "Well, we got plenty of space!" "There-there's still some over there by-by that speaker." "Please, just stay!" " Yeah!" "Are you guys sure about this?" " Definitely!" "Yes!" "Ross, you have to stay!" "All right. / All right!" " All right, buddy!" "So I'm a pimp huh?" "It's okay!" "Look, I know that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass, but you just have to talk to me." "Tell me if something is bothering you." "Okay?" "And for my part I will do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just" "Well, I see you've had a very productive day." "Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?" "Come on, it's fun!" "All right!" "Isn't this a woman's hat?" "Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!"