"Sync and corrections by explosiveskull" " Hi." " Hello." "How's it goin'?" " Good." " Good." "I was thinking we should order some food." "Yeah, sure." "Okay." "Yeah." "I'm not hungry now, but I figured I will be soon." "Right." "Right, right, right." "Oh, yeah, let's, um..." "Yeah." "Hope it's not too lame to just hang out here." " No, no." "It'll be fun." " Okay, cool." " Okay." "Cool, all right." " Let's order." " You wanna order pizza?" " No." "I have menus." "These are pretty good." "I think Silverlake Ramen's in here somewhere." " Good." " Ooh." "Ye old drug box." "Oh." "Okay." " Should we see what's in here?" " Sure." "Yeah, let's check it out." "I'm curious." " Have a look-see." " Let's see what we got here." " Ooh." "Edible..." " Okay." "Um..." " Ecstasy." " Mmm-hmm." "Got some cocaine." "Got a real party in there." "Why, you want it?" "Are you serious, or..." "I mean, not for us to do together, 'cause I have no use for this, but..." "Right." "Yeah, uh..." "No, I'm..." "I'm good." "Thank you." "Was that bad for me to say?" "You can tell me if it was." "No, no, I was just more surprised that you..." " Never mind." " I don't know what's, like, private about your sobriety and stuff so I'll just... keep out of it." "No, I..." "I brought it up." "So..." "It's fair game." "Ask away." "No, I just..." "I figured if you had it around, you'd be tempted to do it or something." "I..." "I don't know." "Yeah, I mean, I should throw this shit out." "That's what they'd tell me in AA." "It's definitely... dumb of me to keep it around." "Mmm-hmm." "So, do you think you would, or... not, or..." "Uh, it's just..." "I think somebody would pay me money for all this stuff." "Whatever." "Fine." "Fuck it." "Hmm." "All right, there's more." "There's more, okay." "All right." "Just gonna throw out all the fun ones." "Got this beauty from a guy in Venice." " He makes them with his wife and kids." " Aw..." "There's something really charming about, like, a family business, you know?" "There should be a Ziploc bag full of mushrooms in the freezer." "Oh." "Okay." " Did you find it?" " Yeah." "Ooh." "These are some special mushrooms." "I had one of the best days of my life tripping on these bad boys at Legoland." "One of my best days was at Legoland and I wasn't even high." "Feels like such a shame to throw 'em out." "Are you sure you don't want 'em?" "Nah." "I'm not really a shrooms guy." " Have you ever done shrooms?" " No." " I know that's lame, but..." " It's not lame." " I don't care." " I mean, I almost did them." "My buddies and I were gonna do 'em on a camping trip, but then we got rained out..." "But I feel like since I'd made the choice to do them..." " Mmm-mmm." " Hello?" "Ah!" " Hello, hello." " Hey." "Uh, where's Randy at?" " I don't know, his house?" " He's not here?" " Randy!" " Maybe he was here earlier, but..." " Randy!" " Yeah, I don't think he's here." "Randy!" "Hey." "Hey, what's up?" "Randy, I told you if Mickey comes home, you have to tell her that you're here." "Sorry, I..." "I didn't want to bother her." "I was just in the back reading a book about dinosaurs." "Yeah, it's cool." "Just a heads-up next time would be nice." "For sure." "Yeah." "Man, I love your guys' place." "It's, like, 100 times nicer than my place." "My place is dank and dirty and gross." "You guys have towels and toothpaste..." "So what are you guys up to tonight?" "I don't know." "We're just gonna kick back." "Maybe order some food, watch a movie..." "Kind of a low key thing." "I was in the middle of throwing out some old shrooms." "Ooh, really?" "Just gonna throw 'em out?" " Do you want 'em?" " Yes, please." "I didn't know you were into shrooms." "Oh, well, a few years ago, I spent a whole summer taking peyote with some skaters and it changed my life." "I want that summer." "Last time I did shrooms I had a bad trip and I haven't touched 'em since." " Oh, you swore them off?" " Oh, no way." "I've just been waiting for an opportunity to do it right." " I can't wait to take back the shrooms." " This is perfect." "You three should do shrooms tonight." "Ooh, yes, very cool." "Yeah, I got no plans." "Let's do it." " Oh, I don't know." " Yeah." " Cool." " Yeah, that would be fun." "Okay, cool." " Yeah." " Very cool." "Yeah." "And I can be, like, the sober guide." "Your guru." "I'll set it all up." "Make sure you guys have an excellent trip." "Fantastic." "Well, I'm gonna go get my work clothes off," " and then we'll get to the magic." " I am gonna take a bath." " What?" " What?" " Are you sure you're okay with this?" " Yeah." "This is gonna be fun." "Yes." "Should be fun." "Are you scared?" "I'm a little scared." "It's totally normal before your first trip." "Are you thinking, like, "What if it's a bad trip and it breaks my brain and I'm never the same?"" "I wasn't thinking that... no, but I'll gladly throw that onto the pile." "Uh, no, I guess..." "Honestly, I just..." "I feel a little weird doing drugs in front of you when you're sober." "It doesn't feel right." "That's so sweet, but," "I never really had an issue with shrooms, you know?" " It's not like a real trigger for me." " Mmm-hmm." "And I think everybody should try them once." "They're incredible." "Like, I don't fully trust someone who's never tripped." "It's like trusting someone who still has a Hotmail account." "Oh, yeah." "It's like when you meet somebody who hasn't seen Die Hard." "And you're like... "Who are you?"" " Yeah, everybody's seen Die Hard." " You haven't seen Die Hard?" "The stems make you trip longer, but the caps will give you, like, a deeper trip." " Is that true?" " Yeah." "And, the thing is, they taste like shit, but that's great." "They're supposed to." "If it tastes like shit, it's a good thing." "No, there's no reason why they have to taste like shit." "Take a sandwich." "See, you eat this, it masks the taste and it provides a good basis in your stomach for digestion." " Ah, okay." "Genius." " Mmm-hmm." "That's good." "Smart." "All right." "Down the hatch." "Mmm." "So, like, how long does it typically take to kick in?" " Ten minutes." " Like, an hour." "Oh." "Getting conflicting reports there." "Oh, that's normal." "It hits some people quicker than others." "It's all good." "This actually is a really good sandwich." "That's pretty much what you can do with those things." "I feel like I don't feel anything." "But if you guys said you were feeling something then, then I'm probably feeling it, too." " I don't feel anything." " Nah." "What if we dance?" "Huh?" " That's a good trick." " Okay." "Get your asses up." "Come on." "You gotta do it big and loud and stupid!" " Bertie?" " Okay, yes." "It gets that mushroom blood straight to the brain." "I'm gonna kill you if you don't get up now." "Come on, Randy." "Move it." "Groove it." "More!" "Use your whole body." "How you doing there, bud?" "I'm good." "Are they kicking in?" "Can't say for sure, but it seems like they might be kickin' in." "Okay." "This is gonna be fun." "Yeah." "Are they kicking' in?" "Hey..." "We're free to share bad thoughts here, right?" "I don't want to ruin your trip, but I feel like if I, like, keep bad stuff in my head and don't share it, then I'm gonna have a bad trip." " You know what I mean?" "Like..." " Totally." "It's just like..." "I look at this house and I'm like..." ""Will I ever own a home like this?" "Or, am I just gonna be somebody who lives in some... sad apartment his entire life and then dies?"" "Yep." "I live at the Springwood, so that's like my entire existence." "If I was gonna do something significant with my life, it already would've happened by now." "Right now, in our lives, we're at that part, in a movie, when something cool should start happening, but it's not." "We're over a half an hour into Jurassic Park... and the dinosaurs haven't even shown up." "They're never gonna fuckin' show up." "This candle..." "I look at this candle and I think... we all just want to be warm, you know?" "Everyone on this planet... we're all just seeking warmth." "That's all we want." "That's true." "That's very cool." "I don't wanna forget that I said that, so can you write that down, please?" "My brain's not friends with my hands right now." "You wanna go outside?" "That usually feels good when you're tripping." "I trust you entirely at this point." "Gus, this is a child's toy, but it is the tool of a man." "Do you wanna hear my American accent?" "Yeah." ""I think Trask Industries should invest in the radio market."" " Is that from Working Girl?" " Yes." " I'm a huge fan." " Oh, me too." "I love Working Girl so fucking much." "Yeah." "Han Solo looks great in a suit." "Even after all these years, human beings are still the same." "Everybody talks about evolution, but nobody talks about how long it takes." "We're still not evolved." "Really?" "You think?" "We have the brains of barbarians even though we don't live" " in caves anymore." " Mmm-hmm." "We've, like, evolved properly for hunting, for killing, and for sucking the blood from animals." " Literally!" " Yes, I..." "I get it." " I get it, yeah." "I get your point." " Yes." "I..." "Not..." "I'm not gonna kill you, but if I want to kill you," "I could..." "I could put my thumbs through your eyeballs, like that," " and you'd be dead in a second." " What?" "You know, Bertie, I feel like, whether it's, like, tonight... or way, way, way, way in the future, like, you and me..." " we're gonna be friends forever." " Definitely." "I knew that when we first met, when we were just two crazy kids carrying furniture." "Right." "On the lawn there." "We... we were carrying in... your thing." " My dresser?" " Your dresser." "Yeah." "Oh, my God." "That feels like it was, like, a month ago." "Well, it was like, three weeks ago." "Yeah." "We should move something again." "That felt good." "I could take both of my hands and smoosh your head... like a watermelon, right now." "'Cause that is something that's in my blood." "I'm part barbarian, you know what I mean?" "You..." "What are you doing?" " Oh, my God." " If I wanted to," "I could put you in a bag and hit you against a tree." "I get it!" "You're big and you're strong." "'Kay, guys, can you please not do that right now?" "Please?" " It feels right." " Well, it's official." "You're all peaking." "Excuse me." "I gotta take care of something." "The cavemen weren't even that different from us." "They grew hair on their face just like I have on my face." " Hey." "Hey." " Hey." "Seems like you guys are havin' some fun out there." "Mmm-hmm." " Maybe I should come join you." " Yeah!" "You want to?" "I was just comin' in to see if you wanna... pop on out where we're havin' fun." "Maybe I'll take this little guy." " You think that's a good idea?" " They're not addictive." "They're not really even a drug." "Right." "Right, I just feel like it's not a..." "good idea, 'cause, um..." "Sorry, it's really hard to form an argument when I'm, like, watching the bedspread swirl." " Um..." " You know what?" "Don't worry about it." "It's fine." "No." "Mickey, don't do it." " I just..." " Okay?" " Oh, I really want to." " No." "Mickey, don't." "It'll be fine." "Calm down." "Don't do it." "Don't." " Don't, don't, don't." " Fuck!" "Gus, what the fuck?" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I just didn't want you to..." "Uh, fuck!" "Mickey, why did I do that?" " Am I gonna be okay?" " Yeah." " Am I gonna die?" " No!" "You took a small dose to begin with." "You're..." "probably just gonna have more fun." "Okay." "Come here." "Come here." "Oh, God." "This tastes, like, so bad." "I, like, totally get why you put it in a peanut butter sandwich." "Holy fuck." "Gus?" "Fuck's goin' on out there?" " I don't know." " There's a creature in the backyard here." "There's a beast in the backyard!" "Gus." "Oh, shit." "That's a coyote." "That is... one handsome animal." "Dude, don't go near him." "He can hurt you." "His coat." "He's so majestic." "Coyote." "Hey, that's a wild animal." "How about we leave him alone?" "Definitely back off, 'cause its, like, teeth could rip at your flesh." "Oh, no, no." "He's one of the good ones." "Aren't you, buddy?" "You and I aren't that different." "We're both... beasts." "But you are covered in fur." "And I am in flesh." "Neither of you have jobs." "Coyote." "Coyote." "Randy." "Coyote." "Randy." "Coyote." " Okay, enough with that." " I can feel his essence." "He's here for a reason." "Don't you guys feel that?" " No... not really." " No." "Hey, let's go back inside." " Yeah, Randy, I..." " Oh, no." "No." " No, Randy." "Stop." "Oh, shit." " Randy!" "Randy!" " Dude, come on!" " No!" "They don't like to be chased." " Randy, stop." "Shit." " No." "No." " Fuck!" "Shit." " Randy." "Randy, seriously, stop." "Listen to me, I am your guide." "You're not my guide." "This coyote is my guide." "Randy, why don't you choose another animal to be your guide?" "Like a nice bird or a squirrel?" "Yeah, I gotta say, shroom buddy, this isn't the smartest move right now." "I gotta follow him." "My friend." "Wait for me." " Ugh." "I feel sick runnin' so fast." " Okay, that's common on shrooms." "Try and keep a low center of gravity." " Okay." " Okay?" "Randy, come back, dude." "You don't get it." "He'll show me my destiny." "Gus knows what I'm talkin' about." "The coyote." "My legacy." "He knows it." "The coyote doesn't know anything." "The Native Americans say that they're wise." " You disagree with them, Gus?" " Oh, now this is getting scary." "He's really starting to scare me." "Jesus Christ." "I am the worst drug guide ever." "Randy?" "This house." "This house is beautiful." "This house is the answer the coyote was leading me to." "I don't know, Randy." "This house is pretty basic." "This is my home." "Stop, Randy." "That's trespassing." "I gotta get in." "Randy." "Don't, don't, don't." "Come on." "This is starting to feel illegal, man." "There's always more than one opening." "Randy." "No, do not go in there." "No." "Randy, you're acting like a maniac." "Randy, don't." " Don't do that." " Stop that, please." " Don't do that." " Put it back on the window." "Randy, listen to me." "Get away from that house." " Randy." "Randy, don't." " Randy, don't." "No." " Please." "Please don't do this!" " Randy, no!" " Ow." " Randy." "Wow." "This guy's got a lot of books." "I'm gonna go handle this." "I can do this." "I'm not that messed up." "Dude, you are super messed up right now." "Your eyeballs are, like, 30 feet wide." "No, they're not." " I can do this." "I..." " Randy." "Don't run away." "Help me." "Pull me in." "Yeah, I got this." " Ow!" " Bertie, I'm behind you." " Keep the window open." " Oh, my God." "Randy." "Randy." "Randy?" "Randy?" "I smell him." " Come on, Bertie." " Oh, did you see this?" "Yes." "It's a stove." " We have to find Randy." " Okay." "Randy?" "Randy?" "Jesus Christ, man." "Come on." "Dude." "Why can't I have a bed like this?" "It's firm but soft on top." "I love this bed, Gus." " Okay, all right, Randy." " Mmm?" "Hey, we really shouldn't be here, okay?" "The coyote helped you out, and that's awesome... but we need to get home now." "Okay, buddy?" "I don't wanna get home." "I'm very comfortable here." " Everything I need is here." " I know." "I know, but we should get out of here." " Okay, let's go." " Randy, please." " I really don't like what's happening." " Oh, my God." "You are so in your head right now." "What's happening to you is irrelevant to me." "I'm not going anywhere." "This is breaking and entering, you idiots." "I'm very happy here." " Oh, no." " Shit." "Oh, great, they're home." "That could be anybody." "Oh, Randy, I'm begging you, please get up." "You know what?" "We gotta go." "I'll help you, okay?" "No." "You guys can go." "Jesus." "I need to chill here, and await the next message." " Help me out here, Randy." "Come on." " Just fucking hurry." "Enough of this." "Let's get the fucking show on the road." " Oh, God." "Oh, God." " Randy?" "You are being a rude asshole right now." "You're on drugs, and you're gonna fuck up our lives." "So stop being a rude asshole!" "Yeah, okay." " Come on." "Just leave the blanket." " Go!" "Go!" "You're gonna leave the fucking blanket, Randy." "Come on, come on, come on." "Okay." "Okay, good, good." "Oh, shit." "Okay, we gotta go." "That was fucking crazy." "Hey, are you still tripping?" "Mmm..." "Not so much." "I mean, I have little pockets here and there, but..." "I think I'm done." " Mmm." " Yeah." "I felt, like, I, like, actually learned, like... like a really good lesson tonight." " Oh, yeah, what?" " Like..." "It's really fun to do drugs?" "Not the most profound takeaway, but I like the spirit of it." "I don't know, it's cool." "It's like, um... you pushed me a little closer to the ledge." "Yeah." "And you... you pulled me back from it." "Yeah." "I'd say it's a good team, you know?" " Mmm-hmm." " Fuck!" "Shit." "Sorry." " Sorry, Micks." " It's cool." "Oh." "What's this hot little number?" "Huh?" "Remember this?" "You wanna put it on?" "I was just gonna ask, "Could I put it on?"" " Yeah?" " Do it." "Okay." "It's my kind of weird." "Oh, look." "It's my size." " Look good?" " Mmm!" "Weird night." "I feel like maybe you felt the shrooms a bit more strongly than me." " They weren't that strong." " Really?" "Randy, you broke into someone's house." "Why did you do that?" "Coyote, and then Gus said I should go in." "Oh, no, we all said you definitely shouldn't go in." "I'm so sleepy." "Please, just let me sleepy." "Otherwise..." "I might have to kill you." "Randy?" "Shut up." "No, you won't." "I'll squish your head." "I'll kill you." "I'll drown you." "I'm part barbarian." "You're so pretty." " Thank you." " No, I mean it." "Like..." "You're, like, beautiful." "In a, like, a classic sort of way, like, you look like a movie star from the '30s." "Like that one who, like, died in the plane crash." "Who's that?" "I don't know." "I forget." "I'm just saying, like... if I saw, like, an old movie and your face was in it, like, even if you were, like, in a crowd, like, way back in the background," "I would, like, notice you and I would go, like..." ""Oh, my God." "She's so beautiful."" " Well, I think you're beautiful." " Oh..." "No, you don't have to say that." "I know I'm not one of the beautiful people." "I got this... nose." " It's weird lookin' and big, and..." " Mmm-mmm." "I love your nose." "Thank you, Mickey." "Do you think I'm a fuck-up?" "No." "No, not at all." "Oh, my God, you're..." "You're like the opposite of a fuck-up." "It's like you wake up every morning, and you, like, face the day." "I wish I could be, like, as courageous as you, seriously." "I mean, you're beautiful, like, outside, but also, like..." "You have, like, a beautiful soul." ""We are beautiful... in every single way." "Words can't bring us down."" ""So don't you bring us down... today."" "Mmm." "The wisdom of Miss Aguilera." "Guidin' us as always." "All right." " You wanna finish this?" " Yeah, sure." "What?" " You don't wanna take that off, do you?" " Fuck, no." " All right." "Do you." " I don't." " Like..." " Through here." "No, no, no, no!" "Like this." "Sync and corrections by explosiveskull"