"The Dukes trade General Lee for a bigger rig." "It is an 18-wheeIer." "There's two of us." "That's nine wheels apiece." "Turns out to be a rolling casino." "Now, you remember, you promised to win me a mink coat, hot cakes." "Just find out what's rotten inside that truck." "We'II split the booty 60-40." "Hang on to your chips." "well, Cooter?" "What do you think?" "There ain't no doubt about it, you got big trouble." "How long has he been crawling like this?" "It started yesterday when we tried to push him over 150." "It stalled right out at 125." "What you got here is a sad, sick car... with a dried-out, busted bearing." "If you'd greased them bearings the other night like I told you... instead of spooning that MacKenzie girl... the general might not be in this condition." "Now, I'll tell you, folks, if I had my choice between greasing a car... and necking with a pretty girl... I'd be wearing the same silly smile that old Bo is." "How long is it going to take?" "We're going to need him by Saturday for the Cherokee County Dirt Road classic." "I can have him out of here by tomorrow." "Cooter, we love you." "For $180." "How quickly love can turn to hate." "Cooter, where are we going to get $180?" "I heard about a job." "Cooter, are you out of your mind?" "Cooter, you know we can't leave Jesse's farm for steady work." "It's only for a couple of days." "That steady?" "It's for the general." "AII right, Cooter, Iet's have it." "I heard some people are looking for drivers for an 18-wheeIer." "Some folks say that old Boss Hogg could smell out a chance... to make a crooked dollar ten miles away." "And nothing improved his sense of smelling more than a nice mint julep." "Boss hated them." "But he looked so good drinking them." "Here you are, Boss." "Nice, fresh mint julep." "If you don't mind, I'm gonna join you." "Rosco, you are in uniform and on duty." "It ain't fitting to be tempted by the demon alcohol." "Boss, isn't that helen Hogan?" "helen Hogan!" "What's helen Hogan doing in Hazzard County in an 18-wheeIer?" "Whatever it is, it's bound to be a scam." "Brazen woman." "Last time she come through here, she was selling stock... in the Hazzard County dog racing track..." "But we don't have a dog racing track." "...without asking my permission." "She didn't ask your permission?" "Then skedaddIing with the loot." "You know, she split without splitting." "That's what makes her so brazen." "You just bird-dog that 18-wheeIer." "You find out what's really going on in there." "And when you do, you arrest her... and everybody working for her." "And we'II split the booty." "You're gonna split that booty." "60-40." "60-40?" "would you prefer it 70-30?" "No, 60-40 will be fine." "We'II split it right down the middle and then hook a right." "What's that?" "I said you were right." "Get on with it." "I'm gone." "Like the Boss said..." "Helen Hogan ain't your everyday, basic, psalm-singing lady." "Although she does believe in equal rights... fair play, and justice for all... except when any of it gets in her way." "May we help you?" "We, who's we?" "Hi, fellas." "Luke and me heard that y'aII are looking for a couple of men... to drive this here rig for a couple of days." "You heard right, depending on whether y'aII can handle it." "We can handle it." "Are you sure?" "It is an 18-wheeIer." "There's two of us." "That's nine wheels apiece." "Okay." "Artie, give him the keys." "Thank you." "I'II drive." "Care to watch up front?" "That's the best offer I've had all day." "They sure look like a couple of real hick-a-biIIies." "They should be perfect." "My name is helen." "What's yours?" "Luke." "This is my cousin, Bo." "Hi, Bo." "hello, helen." "Okay, Iet's see if you have any talent." "Watch this." "Is this the best you can do?" "No, ma'am... this is the best I can do." "I'd sure hate to sell that kid insurance." "Where did you ever learn to drive an 18-wheeIer like that?" "I never did learn." "That was my first time." "That looked like a Iot of fun." "Why don't you let me try?" "Never mind." "I don't wanna grow gray before my time." "You know what, boys?" "You got yourselves a job." "Ma'am, there's just one thing that we didn't discuss yet." "I was wondering" "$200 for both of you for two days... starting first thing tomorrow morning." "deal?" "You got it." "Good." "We'II see you in the morning." "Make sure you'II be here at 9:00 sharp." "That is, if you boys know how to tell the time." "Let's see, what was that?" "That's when the little hand's on the 12 and the big hand's on the 9." "I think you got it backwards." "It's when the little hand's on 9 and the big hand's on 12." "Yeah, that's how it is." "We were just learning that last week." "See you in the morning, ma'am." "Take care, smiley." "They're gonna be perfect." "Dewey StovaII." "We ain't seeing you at all." "Why, you rascals, you." "We figured it wouId take a flood or a fire to roust you out of Choctaw County." "well, just passing through." "Without stopping by to see uncle Jesse?" "He ain't gonna take too kindly to that... especially you and him being friends so long." "How about coming to supper tonight and surprising him?" "Tonight?" "No, I'm kind of tied up tonight." "Then we'II make it tomorrow night." "We ain't gonna take no for an answer." "Done." "We'II see you later, Dewey." "Tomorrow night." "Step right in, ladies and gentlemen." "AII them people going along, too?" "They sure ain't Hazzard County folk." "I suppose you boys have a right to know what this is all about." "And I'm going to tell you." "Here's my card." ""Armstrong-Peterson Shock Absorber Company." ""helen Hogan, President."" "That's me." "We're about to demonstrate some revolutionary new shock absorbers... to some prospective distributors and they are from different counties." "You trying to tell us that all these people are here to ride on some fancy shocks?" "Why, that's right, Bo." "We're all set, helen." "Okay, gentlemen, start your engine." "Good luck." "It's just about time to demonstrate our new shocks." "Boss, this is Sheriff Rosco." "Them Duke boys just drove off in that big 18-wheeIer." "Now we know there's something rotten in Denmark." "You forget about Denmark, dimwit." "Just find out what's rotten inside that truck." "Over." "That's a big ten-four, good buddy." "Rosco, if there's one thing in this world I'm not... it's your good buddy." "I'm gone." "Check out that alternator gauge." "Something is making that needle highly nervous." "There?" "Kind of peculiar, ain't it?" "You believe all that fancy talk about shock absorbers?" "Do you?" "No." "Maybe there's hope for you yet." "I'm going to climb back there and see what's really going on." "Do me a favor and watch that first step, 'cause believe me... it's a dilly." "The wheel is turning." "Put your money down, please." "There she goes." "Somebody's gonna be a lucky winner right here." "Thirty-six, red." "The house wins again." "You almost had it." "Why don't you try again?" "How's it going?" "Not too good, ma'am." "Here's something for good luck." "What do you reckon a nice old geezer like Dewey Stovall... is doing in a place like this?" "You know, Luke, that really ticks me off." "I mean, all that talk about shock absorbers back there... and the whole time, they got a little Vegas running." "In Vegas at Ieast you got a chance of winning." "You're sure that was Dewey StovaII sitting in that poker game?" "And losing." "Bad, huh?" "play it cool." "Nice driving, fellas." "Same time tomorrow?" "At these wages, you can have us any time, day or night." "I might just take you up on that." "How did those people like the shock absorbers?" "They loved them." "As a matter of fact, most of them want us to take them for another ride tomorrow." "Yeah, that's just what they're gonna get, too." "But not Dewey." "Let's go find him." "Don't look now, but Rosco is up there in that window bird-dogging something." "It only goes to show we ain't splitting this operation a second too soon." "You'II just have to sit a mite longer, Mr. StovaII." "I'm almost finished pressing these pants." "I wish I couId say the same for your jacket." "How the heck did you get it so dirty?" "I fell getting out of the truck on the edge of town." "We didn't even stop at the edge of town." "I know." "But after I lost the money, I couldn't bear to stay in there another minute." "I don't blame you." "He was playing a crooked game." "I saw him work the gizmo on that roulette wheel myself." "But I was playing poker." "It's a cinch, if they fixed one game, they fixed them all." "You know, our friend Dewey didn't even stand a chance." "Daisy, do you want to turn around?" "I guess I got what was coming to me." "How's that?" "For being a fool." "AII my Iife, I've been happy running my little hardware store... until that big city chain come to town and took away about half of my business." "What did you do?" "Sorry." "I figured to fight fire with fire and make my store just as big as theirs." "only thing is, I didn't have money enough to do the job right, so...." "So you figured you'd gamble whatever you had and make the big kill." "But what I have or had was every cent Lucy and I ever owned." "$1,200." "Mr. StovaII, if we could get your money back... would you promise not to go back to that gambling truck?" "Sure, Luke, but how" "Never mind how." "Luke's got that look in his eye again." "And right after he gets that look in his eye, he goes:" ""I got it." "Let's go, Bo."" "And I get into trouble." "I got it." "Let's go, Bo." "See what I mean?" "Luke, what are you up to?" "It's simple." "AII we do is steal back the $1,200 they stole from Mr. StovaII." "As long as it's simple." "For a minute there, I thought we were gonna have to do something illegal." "Daisy." "Yeah?" "You can turn around now." "What do you suppose they'II really do?" "Now, Rosco didn't just fall off the turnip wagon." "He knew the only way that he could get into Helen's truck... to find out what was going on was to fake out the gorilla on guard." "And he figured Enos was too innocent-looking... to arouse anyone's suspicion." "Just look at it." "You can almost hear him grin." "By the time the Dukes showed up to grab the safe with old Dewey's money... the first gorilla was looking for the second gorilla." "And nobody knew that there was a bloodhound named Rosco inside." "well, hotshot, what are we going to do now?" "Not we." "You." "Just keep him busy till I can make it to the truck." "It's just a little safe." "I can always whistle for help if I can't lift it alone." "Wish me luck." "Morgan, buddy." "Can I talk to you for a minute?" "Wait." "Just a second." "I ain't got time, I've got to find Art." "But this is kind of important." "Go ahead." "Luke and me were wondering if we could get an advance on our salary." "Wait a minute." "Excuse me, my man." "That's not my department." "You might have to make it your department." "We don't know if we'II be able to come back... and drive that truck for you tomorrow without some money." "Let me see what I can do." "You think $100 is gonna be enough?" "$100 will be just fine." "Hey, Art!" "Art, you in here?" "Is that you, Enos?" "What are you doing in here?" "I thought you were going to decoy that fellow away from here." "You know something?" "You're a danged idiot." "That's the most intelligent thing you've said since I've met you." "Hush." "You just hush." "You know what we got here?" "We got enough stuff here for Boss and I to start our own casino." "There's no telling how much is in that safe over there." "will you stop moaning and groaning?" "I'm gonna split with you just like the Boss splits with me, right down the middle." "I'm gonna give you 10% of my 25% ." "Roger." "Things are just fine." "Satisfied?" "I told you it'd check out." "Just routine, sir." "Where you been?" "You are supposed to be watching the truck." "The local fuzz wanted to check me out." "Everything okay here?" "It will be as soon as you put these chains on." "Did you hear that?" "We can get trapped in here." "We'II have to make a break for it." "You go first." "You know, if there's one thing I hate, it's cowards." "AII right, we'II both go first." "On the count of three:" "One, two, three." "Helen's hoods never even saw who knocked them cold." "How did you beat me here?" "will you stop using them dumb sounds and talk regular english?" "Just 'cause this plan failed... that don't mean that Luke ain't got another way to get Dewey's money back." "But it's gonna take a real expert to pull this one off." "gamble?" "Are you asking me to...." "Never." "But all those games are crooked, uncle Jesse." "Maybe if they were honest, Dewey might have won." "Don't you bet on that, little girl." "I know all there is to know about that, too." "That's just why we need your help." "Nobody on that truck could ever recognize you." "Forget it, Luke." "AII this is nothing but my own doing." "I'II get out of it myself, even if I am a durned old fool." "You and me have been friends..." "longer than I care to remember." "But you gotta understand... these boys are asking me... to go against everything I ever taught and stood for." "I know, Jesse." "Of course, it could be you just can't remember how, Jesse." "Remember how." "Boy, before he saw the light... my granddaddy worked every gambling boat up and down the Mississippi... and he taught me everything he knew while I was still just a tad." "Let's just drop it." "It probably wouldn't have worked anyway." "What do you mean, it wouldn't have worked?" "It would have worked good." "It was a good idea." "You don't believe me?" "Watch this." "Think your old uncle Jesse can't handle cards... you got another think coming." "Daisy, where are the cards?" "Y'all take a good look... 'cause we are only going to show this once." "You still think it wouldn't have worked?" "I guess we'II never know." "I don't want you three to get the idea... that I don't know you've been shucking and jiving me for the Iast 10 minutes." "And my answer is still...." "Maybe just this once." "Somehow I knew he was gonna be on that gambling truck the next day... didn't you?" "Hurry it up, will you, Luke?" "I'm almost finished, all right?" "Years ago, somebody said..." "'"The only way to beat a crooked game is to take the crooked part..." "'"and bend it back into shape yourself. '"" "That ought to do it." "Come on." "Hop in." "You sure that little thing's gonna work?" "Cooter guaranteed it." "You just flip this switch on cue... and that roulette wheel will drop Jesse a bundle." "Take a peek and see if Rosco's still bird-dogging us from that window." "will do." "What are you doing?" "Trying to tip him off?" "He ain't moved." "He's still up there." "while I keep him busy, you keep this rig rolling..." "until Jesse wins that money back." "Right." "Speak of the devil, look who's coming." "So you say that Dewey StovaII suggested that you drop by." "Yes, ma'am." "Yancy Peckinpaugh's my name... and this here's my traveling companion, Betty-Lou." "I'm charmed." "Honored, I assure you." "Now, you remember, you promised to win me a mink coat, hot cakes." "Where is Mr. StovaII?" "He come down with the vapors, I am sorry to say." "But he said... that perhaps I couId replace him as a distributor?" "You see any problem?" "None at all." "Won't you come right this way, please?" "Where did uncle Jesse get a load of money like that?" "He didn't." "Under that $100 bill we gave him... there ain't nothing but scraps of a maiI-order catalog." "Oh, boy." "Let's roll." "Boss, they're moving out." "Come on." "Don't you move in too fast, Rosco." "Give the suckers an hour or two to lose their money before you get them." "That's a big ten-four." "Enos, this is Sheriff Rosco." "Are you standing by?" "Come on." "Enos standing by as instructed, Sheriff." "Any further orders other than standing by..." "I'II be standing by to hear them." "Over." "You dipstick." "Over." "Cooter, this is Luke." "You read me?" "Cooter, you there?" "Come back." "Cooter, come in." "Cooter, it's Luke." "Crazy Cooter coming at you." "talk to me, Truck-stop." "Be ready to make the pickup in exactly five minutes." "Copy that?" "Check." "exactly five minutes." "Give or take a minute, 'cause I ain't got no watch." "Mr. StovaII, you wait right here." "I'II be back directly." "Left by the side of the road again." "I guess it's all part of the plan." "It'II be a whole lot easier... if I'd just pull over to the side and let you out." "Can't." "If we make even one stop, they're gonna smell a rat." "They'II close up them games, and we'II be right back where we started." "Thirteen, black." "We got a winner here." "I thought you were gonna play poker." "I am." "But first, I got to build up a stake on this here roulette table." "Here you are." "Thank you, ma'am." "No, it's on the house." "Thank you." "It's my pleasure." "Are you having a nice time?" "Sure enough." "This game here with the white ball looks pretty interesting." "I do believe it's called roulette." "You wanna give it a go, Big Daddy?" "I will in time, sugar pie." "But first, I gotta feel the vibrations of the right number." "Where is that damn Cooter?" "Enos, you got your ears on?" "Yes, Sheriff." "AII right, now, get ready." "'Cause as soon as they come by, we'II be on them..." "like a duck on a June bug." "We're gonna be the duck." "Here comes Cooter." "Rosco, you're in for a few surprises." "Anybody here sent for a taxicab?" "climb on it, Cooter." "We only got a few minutes." "Give or take a few minutes." "Enos, they just went by." "Now, listen, keep low, don't let them eyeball you... and I'II tell you when to make the move." "I'm gone." "Hey, Boss, this is Rosco." "Me and Enos are right on them." "We're gonna bust them within five minutes." "Over." "You can bust whoever is bustabIe." "Just don't lose that loot." "I'm coming out there." "Come on, Mr. StovaII." "We'd better clear out of here... while Luke makes things difficult for old Rosco." "AII right, you two, please drive more carefully." "Sorry, ma'am." "Luke here almost hit a jackrabbit." "Luke, I told you to be more careful." "Thank you." "Enos, this is Rosco." "They're turning north... hitting the road to Watkins hollow." "Now, you head up from the south... and we'II catch them between a rock and a hard place." "Two beeps." "That's the signal for me to play red." "How is it going?" "Fine, ma'am." "I just think I got the right vibrations for the lucky number." "Fine, sit right down here, Mr. Peckinpaugh." "Put your money down, Grandpa." "Ma'am." "I'm with him." "Eighteen." "Red." "Say, this is an interesting game." "Now, in case you're wondering what's going on... so am I." "Friends and neighbors, don't go sticking no fork in it... 'cause it ain't done yet." "AII right, Luke." "Where are you hiding that gambling truck?" "What are you talking about, Rosco?" "I ain't seen no...." "Have you seen any gambling truck?" "Not since it left the hotel metropole." "There you are, Sheriff." "I'm as clean as you and Boss are dirty." "Of course, you can look in the glove compartment." "Hush, don't you backtaIk me." "I know I was following that truck and it didn't pass Enos... and that only means one thing." "It turned off on" "willow Road." "I want you to go back and cut them off..." "at Yuchee Crossing on willow Road." "Yes, sir." "What Yuchee Ridge Crossing is that, Sheriff?" "How many Yuchee Ridge Crossings are there on willow Road, you jackass?" "That one." "Me first." "I'm the Sheriff." "So much for plan A. Let's see if plan B works." "Two long, and one short." "That means double it up." "I think I'II just... double up a bet on the black." "Mr. Peckinpaugh, I am terribly sorry." "Excuse me, Artie." "I am sorry, Mr. Peckinpaugh." "But I noticed that the wheel is running a little ragged." "I wouldn't want you to risk any more money on it." "But there is an opening at the poker table." "Yes, there is." "And you're just in time." "well, thank you." "You know..." "I haven't played poker in a Iong time." "What say we give that a try, honey bun." "They ought to be at Yuchee Ridge Crossing in about ten minutes, Boss." "This is going to be the biggest arrest of my career." "It will be the Iast arrest of your career... if anything happens to that gambling equipment and all that loot." "All of it." "Did you hear that?" "We can't make it to Yuchee Ridge Crossing before the Iaw." "It must be 15 miles from here." "Not as the crow flies, or the general." "Hang on." "Helen had a real nice place picked out for Jesse." "Right between the crooked dealer and the house shill." "And for them that don't know it... the shill is a key person in a rigged game." "I sure hope old Jesse ain't biting off more than he can chew." "I'm no good at dealing." "Just cut, my man." "Here we go." "Most folks would say old Jesse was doing pretty good." "It ain't often a man gets an ace-high full house dealt to him right off." "I'II open for... $200." "I'II see you... and bump you $200." "Looks like it's just you and me left." "Seeing as how I think you're bluffing, little girl... why don't we just go all the way right now and play... table stakes to the draw, huh?" "How much you got there?" "$1,500." "Put her in." "There ain't no way a good poker player... will break up an ace-high full house." "So if Jesse stands pat... the next two cards will wind up in the hands of the shill." "Cards, my man?" "I really should stand pat." "But I always play my hunches." "So I'II take two cards." "I hate to see you make a mistake, Mr. P." "Are you sure you read your cards right?" "I'm positive, ma'am." "Vibrations, you know." "So why don't you just deal?" "Two cards." "How many cards you want, miss?" "Three." "Three cards." "Let's see them." "Pair of tens to the ace." "Now, ain't it a good thing that I drew these two cards?" "That way, if you'd got them... your four tens would have beaten my... aces full house." "Danged if old Jesse didn't fool everybody." "Only thing is, the Dukes are still a long way from being out of trouble." "Oh, my hot cakes did it, didn't he?" "Freeze." "Get them up." "Enos, not you, you dipstick." "I finally got you both." "I knew I'd get you and I got you." "Enos, watch him." "Get those people out of that truck." "You criminally attack my car." "Rosco, how dare you leave your car right where I'm going?" "I'm sorry about that, Boss." "I'm glad you're here." "You're just in time." "Come on." "AII right, everybody out of there." "Just watch your step." "I don't want any of you innocent people." "It's just the ones that run this gambling establishment... that I want." "I want you all and the money." "What money?" "Those two cleaned us out." "It don't make no difference." "You don't need it where you're going." "Oh, really?" "Hush." "Get them out of here." "AII right, where is the money, Duke?" "Oh, in your purse?" "If you don't mind, Miss Daisy Duke, I'II just take that as evidence." "This isn't evidence." "It's winnings." "We won it fair and square." "We'II be the...." "uncle Jesse, catch." "Luke, where the hell are you?" "Give me the hat." "Boss, did you hurt anything important?" "Look on the bright side of it." "We got all that gambling equipment, and we can put Bo back in jail." "I wouldn't bet on that, Rosco." "Before we left the house, we called the State police..." "and told them what we were up to." "That's right." "I even told them it was Boss's idea for Luke and me to drive the truck." "That way, you'd know exactly where we were." "So the boys are off the hook, the State gets the equipment... and Boss gets all the credit." "Credit?" "What good is that kind of credit?" "You can't eat it." "You can't drink it." "You can't even split it." "I ought to get something for all my trouble." "I guess you'II just have to settle for a token of our appreciation." "Here you are, Mr. StovaII." "Just across the county line where all your money is safe from Rosco." "You want me to help you out?" "help me out?" "I've been climbing in and out of car windows before you were born." "I sure want to thank you." "Yesterday, at this time, I was just about to lose everything." "Now, thanks to you Dukes and Cooter here, I got me a second chance." "You quit gambling?" "You've got to be crazy." "I haven't had so much fun in years." "They are opening a new place right here in Choctaw... with a straight wheel and no marked decks." "Why, with what I've learnt today, I figure I can whup my every dime." "Now, you fellas take care." "I'II see you again soon." "Bye, now." "Thanks." "Good luck to you, Mr. StovaII." "So long." "Take care of yourself." "That's the legend of the rolling casino of Hazzard." "And how Bo and Luke Duke helped an old friend out of a tight fix." "And how, after all these years... old Jesse used some talent that not many folks knew he had." "Of course, there ain't nothing the Dukes of Hazzard do that surprises me." "english"