"My sister Kate learned to swim when most babies were still in their playpens." "I adore her." "Everybody does." "I wanted to name her after Saint Gobnet the virgin beekeeper." "But mother, Mrs. Flax, though I was a little peculiar." "I don't agree." "Mrs. Flax doesn't believe in ritual or tradition." "Maybe." "I think so." "I'd wanted to repent since I saw a girl with ashes on her forehead cross herself and chant Hail Marys before a spelling bee." "Charlotte, we're Jewish." "What's this?" "Cheeseball pick-me-ups and miniature franks." "And for desert, marshmallow-kabobs." "A word about Mrs. Flax and food." "The word is hors d'oeuvres." ""Fun Finger Foods" is her main source book." "That's all she cooks." "Anything more, she says, is too big a commitment." "It's Fred." "How do I look?" "Like a woman about to sin." "Good." "Exactly the look I was hoping for" "Don't wait up." "Mrs. Flax is dating her boss." "That means we'll be moving soon." "Wait a minute." "Not only am I not going on this trip but you're taking another woman?" "Honey, she's not just another woman." "She's my wife." "We've moved 18 times." "It gets easy to read the signs." "The lightning of his terrible swft sword" "This goose is marching on" "Glory..." "I feel I've wasted half my life in cars" "I try to be charitable, looking after Kate and not killing mother." "But who ever heard the word of God" "President Kennedy arrived in Hyannis Port today from Washington." "There to geet him as his helicopter touched down" "I don't think He wanted those gifts they gave Him." "Frankenstein and birds?" "No, sweetheart, the 3 wise men brought the baby" "Jesus Frankincense and Myrrh." "I know about these thing but I choose to believe something else." "I have an idea." "How about some fudge?" "Do you want to make fudge?" "I can't do anything until I have everything the way it was." "The point of moving is so things can be different." "I hate waking up and not knowing where I am." "I'll put a sign above your bed saying:" ""Good morning." "You're in East Port." "Have a nice day."" "I liked living in Oklahoma." "You'll love it here when you got used to it." "And when you get used to it, we'll move again." "Life is change." "Death is dwelling on the past or staying in one place too long." "Remind me to get you a decent pair of shoes." "I don't want any." "Don't be ridiculous." "All women want new shoes." "But those are from him." "Him?" "Oh, him." "Charlotte says he'll visit one day." "How will he know we're here?" "The one thing you can rely on about your father is that he can't be relied on." "I only have one memory of my father." "At least, I think it was my father." "Honey, it's an eclipse." "Put these on." "One day he'll come back." "I just hope he can find us." "Dear God, please don't let us be leaving right away." "Please let me stop lying all the time." "Please don't let me fall in love so much." "Please let someone fall in love back." "And please send me a sign." "Amen." ""Maintenance man for apartment house or hotel."" ""Experienced mechanic." "Sheet metal worker."" "You drive like old people make love." "Mom, I'm only fifteen." "I get nervous." "Driving is one of a woman's most important skills." "You're lucky I taught you early." "This sounds good." ""Bright, personable, cheerful, young secretary required by small law firm."" "Why are you signaling?" "The turn is 2 miles away." "Just pull over here." "Step on it!" "Blow it out your ear!" "Johnny Angel" "Johnny Angel" "You're an angel to me" "I just wondered if you got moved in all right." "Yeah, we moved in fine." "I'm Joe Peretti." "I work up the hill." "So if you need anything done, ma'am..." ""Ma'am?"" "What exactly is up the hill, Mr. Peretti?" "The convent." "Protectors of the Blessed Souls." "This is a sign." "Thank you, God." "This is a real sign." "Our nearest neighbours are nuns?" "I suppose you think this is divine providence." "You know, there is one small thing." "That porch swing up there." "I can't reach it." "Okay." "I'll take a look." "So, Joe, how old did you say you were?" "26 and cute as a button." "Too bad you want to be a nun." "I think you might be old enough for a boyfriend now." "If I'm old enough, maybe you're too old." "Don't be ridiculous." "A real woman is never too old." "Please, God, don't let me fall in love and want to do disgusting things." "Dear God, I love the way he throws." "Come on." "I'm taking my fiancee to lunch." "I expect you to be here when I return." "How are those depositions coming?" "They'll be ready." "Assholes." "Do you like your new boss?" "No, I don't." "Did you make the list?" "Kate needs a swimsuit, I need notebooks, pens and underwear." "I have 30 minutes for lunch." "After we get the shoes, I'll give you money to buy the rest." "I want red ones." "Bright red ones." "With a red strap." "I don't need any." "Charlotte, you're starting school on Monday and those boots aren't." "What's wrong with them?" "Everything." "I'll be right with you." "Hail Mary, full of grace." "You must be Mrs. Flax." "Joseph told us that a nice Jewish family were our new neighbours." "Welcome to East Port." "Oh, God, please let Mrs. Flax control herself." "You're still a perfect seven, Reverend Mother." "You know, most women's feet get bigger." "Only if they marry." "Your feet swell." "During pergnancy your feet swell." "How could she?" "Mine got swollen during pregnancy." "Mother, how could you say that?" "She's a holy vessel." "What a lovely red shoe." "Thank you." "Where are you from?" "I used to live in South Dakota myself." "Can you imagine trying to keep kosher in South Dakota?" "I can't imagine keeping kosher anywhere" "Will that be all, Reverend Mother?" "Only one new addition?" "Every year, fewer and fewer of us now." "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Flax." "I hope you enjoy living in East Port." "Yes, dear?" "I wanted to ask what color her bra was and if she always had pure thoughts." "Good-bye." "She's got a pair she likes." "What about you?" "I don't need any." "Nice boots." "Maybe we'll meet at Parent/Teacher night." "Maybe we will." "I'd like that." "Come on, Miss Katydid, you'll be late for registration." "'Bye, Sergeant." "'Bye, fish head." "Well, well, look who's driving the school bus." "Why, Charlotte, I believe you're blushing." "Come on." "Don't make such a big deal about it." "Put it in your mouth and smoke it." "I'll throw up all over." "How was your date with Scott Jones, Mary?" "He's an animal." "So, you had a good time?" "We had oral sex by the railway trestle." "I love it when they groan." "Don't you?" "You're going get into trouble." "I know." "I can't wait." "The bell rang five minutes ago." "If she tells my mother, I'm dead." "Noree?" "Here." "We have a new student today, Charlotte Flax." "I'm sure you'll do your best to make her feel welcome." "Charlotte, right down there." "Charlotte..." "Flax, right?" "Talk to me, Joe." "Please, talk to me." "So, how do you like the house?" "Sorry?" "How do you like the house?" "I hate the house." "I was born there." "I love that house." "You were?" "Under the kitchen table." "God strike me down, that's as good as a manger." "Give me strength not to sit on his lap." "So was that you who carved "Red Sox" on the door?" "That was my room." "I'm in his room." "When my mother died, I sat on my bed for two days holding her seater." "I didn't care about anything, not even the Red Sox." "I'm going to burn in hell for sure." "He's talking about his dead mother and I'm wishing he was undoing my dress" "That'll be Carrie." "She sells cosmetics." "She's going to love my mom." "I was wondering..." "What do people do here on the weekends?" "Sunday's my day off." "Sometimes I go fishing." "Really?" "I love to fish." "Well, sometimes I just sit by the water and think." "That sounds great too." "Maybe you and your sister..." "Well, Kate's actually scared of the water." "But I'd love to." "Well, I drive right by here on my way to the cliff so..." "What time?" "Seven." "Okay." "That sounds great." "Okay, I'll wait for you." "Know your colors and your fabrics." "That's what I tell all my little girls." "Honey, I would kill to have your hair." "Swimming's fine for you figure, but it damages your hair." "Got anything for sharks and jellyfish?" "She means body grease." "She's going to swim the English Channel" "Well, I'm not sure I have exactly what you're looking for... but try this." "It was meant for crow's-feet, but it never caught on." "You are finished." "Try the other side." "Tell me about that caretaker at the convent." "You mean Joey?" "Is he handsome or is he handsome?" "In high school... no one could touch the golden boy on a football field." "Then in the middle of his senior year he lost it." "He couldn't run to save his life." "His girlfriend had just left town, kind of sudden." "My theory?" "I believe there's a little Joey Junior walking around." "I'd chase him myself if I wasn't married to a real son-of-a-gun" "Joey, Joey, Joey, entering a convent for the sin of getting a girl pregnant." "A penitent man." "Makes me love you even more." "You have very special eyes." "Only you and Liz Taylor can get away with those eyebrows." "Let's put some color on you." "This one's planning to be a nun." "A difficult age." "All Charlotte's ages are difficult." "What's so special about this Parent/Teacher night?" "You read the invitation." "Community begins in the classroom." "I am your mother." "It is my job o supervise your education" "There's so little of it left." "What took you so long?" "We going to play my favorite game?" "Who's the worst mother in the world?" "Don't tell me." "Let's me guess." "Who could it be?" "Me?" "!" "Okay, I'll make you a deal." "You stop being a little bitch for an hour or two and I won't knock the religion of your choice for a week." "Deal." "Who's that?" "My history teacher." "He's nice." "He's an asshole." "You haven't spoken to him yet." "I don't need to speak to him." "He's driving an Edsel, for Chris sake." "We can't beat Stockton's Little League if you don't release him." "Agendas are here and refreshments are" "Hi." "I'm glad you came tonight." "You have 2 weeks, I need one day." "I'll think about it." "Hi." "Is your mom here?" "How are you?" "Good." "I'm even better now." "Are any of these yours?" "No." "Mine are grown and long gone." "Where's Mrs. Landsky tonight?" "She's long gone too." "Oh, you're a widower." "No, she's just gone." "Some punch?" "She just up and left one day right in the middle of vacuuming." "Didn't even switch the damn thing off." "Is there a Mr. Flax?" "No." "He too made a rather sudden and unexpected departure." "Was he vacuuming?" "No." "I was in labor with Charlotte." "Yeah, and to add insult to injury the son-of-a-bitch stole my car to leave in." "A red Buick convertible with white sidewall tires." "It still pisses me off." "It's obvious it means a lot to you." "The first time" "I got behind the wheel of that car I thought, "This is heaven."" "Cars mean freedom." "If you hate a place, you can get in your car, poof, you're gone." "So your first love was a Buick." "Yeah, before I met my husband." "Big mistake." "One of many." "Are we talking cars or men?" "I don't know." "Both have taken me for a ride." "I try not to get too involved with women before the World Series starts" "but for you I'd make an exception." "Is that a compliment?" "Oh, yes." "I would really like to know you a whole lot better." "So call me Lou." "So, Lou, call me." "How about Sunday?" "I'm free all day." "How about breakfast?" "Great." "I'll bring bagels." "I'll be there." "So will I." "Do you see that woman?" "That's my mom." "But when I grow up I want to be just like yours." "Mary, you already are." "I'll make real sandwiches." "Big ones a man can sink his teeth into and use both hands to hold them." "He's late." "Oh, God, please don't let him forget." "Be as patient as Saint Bridget, lady in waiting to Queen Blanche of Namur." "It's after seven, Charlotte." "He's late." "I won't start the day with an argument." "I'll tally up my evil thoughts for the week and ignore her." "When a man's late, it's time to clear the decks." "What?" "!" "Forget it!" "Never mind!" "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." "Or don't do anything I would." "Rachel Flax." "I want to scream out the window like a maniac." ""I'm running away with the caretaker man!"" "My speedometer is broken." "I'm trying not to drive too fast." "After my mom nothing seems fast." "Now my lips are touching his." "She seems like a nice person." "Oh, yeah, she is." "And a wonderful mom." "Gott in Himmel." "I never saw anybody treat a bagel this way." "Where were you raised?" "Believe it or not, my parents owned a kosher bakery." "They made me crazy, of course." "The night that I ran away I stood in the kitchen cigarette in one hand, ham sandwich in another." "Why were you running away?" "I had my high school diploma, my first pay check." "Why stay?" "Hi. 'Bye." "Wait a minute." "'Bye, Mom." "Where'd you meet your husband?" "In a writing class." "He liked my poems." "So we moved into a one-room apartment." "It was a dump, but standing on a chair you could see Lake Michigan." "It must have been tough when he left, raising a kid on your own." "I coped." "Who was Kate's father?" "Are you always this nosy?" "Small-twon boy." "I like to know other people's business." "Do you mind?" "No." "When I mind, you'll know." "It'll be obvious." "So who was he?" "I never caught his name." "He was in St. Louis for a swim meet." "He had Olympic aspirations." "You were on the same team?" "No, I was the maid in his hotel." "One night..." "I delivered more than his towels." "You're a hell of a woman." "I know." "It's been a memorable breakfast." "I'm glad you like it." "I didn't say I liked it." "But I'll never forget it." "I'm sorry." "No offense." "None taken." "What do you want to do?" "We've got all day." "You want to go out?" "Do you want to go out?" "Not really." "No." "Do you want to go out?" "I'm fine." "Tell me about the nuns in the convent." "Do they wear underwear in the shower?" "I don't believe I said that." "I'm always too embarrassed to take a shower after gym." "Mary O'Brien dances naked, screaming about her boyfriend's quivering loins." "Shut up, Charlotte." "Shut up." "The boat's down there." "Please, God, let him throw me on the ground and make another Joey, Junior." "You okay?" "I'm fine, thanks." "I do want to be good and virtuous, but it isn't easy." "Do you want to bait your hook or shall I do it?" "Mary, Mother of God, he still wants to fish." "What's funny?" "You're a sexy guy." "Do you have to look surprised?" "I am surprised." "Sometimes age his its compensations." "Well, I wouldn't go that far." "It's been ages since I've felt his good" "How long?" "Too long." "You haven't been with other women?" "You're lying." "I am?" "Trust me, I know about these things." "Okay." "I'm lying" "I don't care." "Well, that's a shame." "Lying's my main thing." "I'll miss it." "In my experience..." "Which is considerable." "Men lie about everyhign." "But women don't." "I don't know about women, but I don't." "But from me you expect it." "Absolutely." "Well, when you expect the worst from people they usually deliver." "Are you always aggressive after sex?" "You call this aggressive?" "Oh, yeah." "Hey, this is fun." "Can we do it again Friday?" "You don't waste time do you?" "Life's too short." "I'm sorry I got old before I noticed." "I'm never growing old." "Time catches up." "What can you do?" "Keep moving." "I had a good time." "Me too." "Kiss me, Joe." "Please kiss me." "Good night." "How was your date?" "Fine." "We had a good time." "So did we." "I hate when she does that." "She wants to break the world's record." "If she's not up in 10 seconds, call an ambulance." "When will you see him again?" "I don't know." "If I were you, I'd go easy." "I know you help on a celibate life, but that might be tough with half my genes." "Yuck!" "Five seconds off." "I must stop having impure thoughts." "I don't take the bus to school anymore, but that doesn't help." "Maybe if I discover why I love him, the sick feeling will go away." "I love him." "He has the most beautiful skin." "He wears moccaasins in winter even though his feet must feel like ice" "Trick or treat!" "Yes, I've got wonderful prizes for you." "Toothpaste?" "!" "All right, it's magic toothpaste." "Magic toothpaste." "Wait, wait!" "Miss Kate!" "In the house." "Come on, Mom!" "Put your goldfish lips in the house." "'Bye!" "They're big." "All right, team!" "Yeah!" "Swimmers meet!" "Quiet please!" "Swimmers on the block." "Take your marks." "An Esther Williams!" "What do I have?" "Soap?" "Mrs. Flax!" "Coach Parker." "It's so nice to meet you!" "We are so proud of Kate." "I think she has Olympic potential." "That probably doesn't surprise you." "Not at all." "Did she get it from you?" "Not at all." "Nice job." "Thanks, Coach." "Hi, Mrs. Crain!" "'Bye, coach!" "'Bye, dear!" "They're terrible." "I said painting was my passion, not that I was good." "Girls, back me up here." "Did either of you hear me tell your mother I had talent?" "I rest my case." "Now stop being a pain in the ass critic and pose for me." "If you paint me like that, you're dead." "Trust me." "Girls, follow me." "Already I feel inspired." "I'll show you where you're sleeping." "Forgive my abruptness, but when the Muse calls, the artist must jump." "Good night." "He's nuts-o." "I did Sophia from memory." "I never worked with a live one before." "This is fun." "Don't you think this is fun?" "Oh, Cleo, baby." "That is not very regal." "Sometimes I feel like you're the child and I'm the grownup." "I can't imagine being inside you." "I can't imagine being anywhere you'd let me stay for nine straight months." "What's wrong with this picture?" "Compliments of Mrs. Landsky." "It seems she froze Lou's meals for the next decade." "Good morning." "Good morning." "What a morning!" "This is for you Thank you." "How are you?" "Did you weather the storm?" "Yeah." "Fine, thanks." "This is how you normally eat?" "The time is autumn, 1621." "The place is Plymouth Plantation:" "An English colony in Massachusetts." "This is a harvest feast; a thanksgiving" "The Englishmen have invited their neighbors, the Indians" "Oh, God." "For games and contests of skill." "Oh, dear God." "What is it?" "What happened?" "The President's been shot!" "The President's been shot!" "Benny, turn that off!" "Governor Connelly was struck in the chest." "Unconfirmed reports say the President was hit in the head." "That's an unconfirmed report." "The President's wife was not hurt." "She entered the hospital at Kennedy's side." "A newsman said he was riding behind the President in the parade." "After the shots were fired, he looked up at the 6th floor of the Texas Book Depository." "He saw the rifle pulled back in." "I want my father." "Please God, I want to talk to my father 20 feet away when it happened." "Tell us exactly what you saw, sir." "He was coming down the street." "My 5-year-old and myself were by ourselves on Palmer Street." "I waved, and the m..." "The man..." "That's all right." "Go ahead." "As he was waving, a shot rang out." "He slumped down." "His wife reached up toward him." "He was slumping down and the second shot went off and knocked him down." "Two shots?" "Did you see who..." "I did not see the man who did it." "I'm sorry." "I can't help more, but I won't forget." "Here is a flash from the Associated Press." "Dateline:" "Dallas." "Two priests who were with the President say he is dead of bullet wounds." "There is no confirmation." "This is what we have on a flash basis from the Associated Press." "We have two men... who administered the last rites of the Catholic Church to the President" "President Kennedy has been assassinated." "It's official." "The President is dead." "Women here in shock." "Some have fainted." "Two Secret Servicemen, standing by the Emergency Room tears streaming down their faces." "There's only one word to describe the picture here and that's grief." "It's official." "It just came in:" "The President of the United States is dead." "It feels like there isn't a single adult left on the entire planet." "Oh, God, what are you doing?" "How could you let this happen?" "I miss my father." "Is he watching television?" "Maybe he's in Brazil and doesn't know what's happened." "The old man who did this job before me had Indian ways." "He could stand so quiet." "His heels together like a little dancer" "The world's gone crazy." "My Father, who art in Heaven..." "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done..." "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." "Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil." "Amen." "In 1990 the space age will enter it's 2nd phase and our hopes in it to preserve the peace to make sure that in this great new sea as on earth, the United States is second to none." "Everyone's crying about the President." "I've become a fallen woman and no one can tell." "I've been as bad as I can be." "I should be burned at the stake." "Bless me, for I have sinned." "And in a holy place." "I kissed him." "I will starve myself until I purge every sinful thought about Joe from my soul." "The saints never go unpunished." "Joan of Arc burned at the stake." "So what will you do to me, Lord?" "Flagellation?" "Mutilation?" "I bumped into Mr. Crain leaving Sammy's house." "That witch?" "Dinner!" "Think about it." "Get back to me." "He's wants a baby." "I bet he's trying a love potion." "I wish I had trouble conceiving." "I get pregnant if I hang my clothes near a man's suit." "Oh, Lord, no." "Anything but that." "No more fasting." "You're driving me crazy." "I'm pregnant." "Lord, how could you be so strict?" "Are you okay?" "Eat and get some rest and we'll talk about this tomorrow." "Mary didn't even kiss Joseph and look what happened." "Oh, Lord, what have I done?" "Can I talk to you?" "Sure." "Well?" "Hello?" "Is there anybody there?" "Just give me a second." "I'm trying." "I want to tell you." "I may be pregnant with the next Jewish-Italian messiah." "Nothing." "What is the matter with you?" "What is happening in your brain when you just sit there, not moving, not speaking?" "What?" "What?" "Dad, you're the only one who can help and you're never here." "Where are you?" "Joe doesn't know where she is." "She's angry." "That's okay." "Blowing off steam, that's okay." "Taking my car is not okay." "That's going too far." "Did she say that anything was bothering her?" "I'm her mother." "If something bothers her, I'm the last person she'll tell." "She's a teenager." "I'm amazed she talks at all." "Where is she?" "Onward Christian soldiers" "I want to lead a violent and exciting life!" "Excuse me." "I seem to be having engine trouble." "Who is it?" "It's just a young girl." "I'm a shepherd who's lost my flock." "Your folks know where you are?" "They know exactly where I am." "Especially my dad." "He's that kind of guy." "Charlotte, you're talking like a crazy person." "I'm glad you're here, but you don't need to stay." "I'll always be here for you." "Okay, I won't always be here for you." "Just sometimes." "If I feel like it, or if I'm in the neighborhood." "She's doing this to turn my hair white." "She has a problem and she's too frightened to tell you." "Why would she be frightened?" "Rachel, you can be a little abrasive!" "Even I'm scared to talk to you sometimes!" "She's a kid!" "Don't ride her too hard." "Don't lecture me on parenting!" "When she comes, I'm leaving." "You wonder why she runs away?" "Listen to yourself!" "Are we fighting?" "Why?" "!" "It relieves the tension!" "The discotheques, which are nightclubs have been very popular in Europe and South America for years." "Paris has about 100 of them." "This is the frug a combination twist and hitchhike." "That's Killer Joe, society's favorite dancing teacher." "Killer Joe is also available as a party stimulator." "Do you like pancakes?" "A real, live father actually living in the same house as his wife and kids." "They're perfect." "This is like TV." "Maybe they'll adopt me." "Do you like bacon?" "How about sausage?" "Toast?" "I love toast." "What's your name?" "Sal." "How could you lie?" "They're being so nice." "Sal, what?" "Val." "Sal Val." "My parents love rhymes." "We stay up late at night to think of new ones." "Me, Mom, Dad, Sis and my big brother, Al." "She's all right." "She's in New Haven." "Could you give me that address again, please?" "When I was little, we lived in Brazil and owned a diamond mine." "My father would always dance with me." "We would dance and dance in the middle of the jungle." "And me and my sister, she has these beautiful long, red curls and she wears a jewelled crown on her head..." "What we would do is we would make this pear wine." "We'd take the bottles and hang them from tree branches and write on them with diamond dust." "Do you have any idea what you've just put me through?" "I thought you were kidnapped!" "I thought you were dead!" "I thought you were chopped into a million pieces." "Go to your room!" "I can't talk to you." "If I talk to you I'll kill you." "I've had a little scotch." "I'm real calm" "So, tell me, Charlotte, what's going on" "You don't get it, Mom." "I think I'm pregnant." "It may be God's child." "Are you trying to make me crazy?" "You wouldn't understand." "You don't believe in religion, or anything!" "Why were you running?" "Running away doesn't solve anything." "No, I'm a grownup." "I don't run away." "I move on." "If something's bothering you, tell me!" "Maybe I can help." "How bad can it be?" "Look, I'm really tired." "I just want to go to sleep, okay?" "Let me tell you something." "Sometimes being the mother really stinks." "I don't always know what to do." "You and Kate didn't come with a book of instructions." "If I can help you, tell me!" "I'll give it my best shot." "But that's all I can do." "Where's Charlotte?" "In her room." "Somewhere on Mars." "What did she tell you?" "Nothing." "Maybe her school counselor..." "Mrs Crain?" "Are you kidding?" "She couldn't find her ass with both hands." "Has she ever done anything this strange" "She did get sent home from school once before." "For licking chalk off a blackboard." "Good, her tongue was yellow for a week." "Why did she do that?" "I don't know." "She read in a book that a Saint had a vision after licking a wall." "The teacher sent home a note saying Charlotte had psychological problems." "What did you do?" "We moved." "I heard you ran away." "You okay?" "You want to talk about it?" "It's kind of complicated." "I was worried." "Joe, tell me about your girlfriend." "My girlfriend?" "There's nothing to tell." "Did you love her?" "Yes, I did." "But her family moved away and I never saw her again." "People in town talk as if something happened between us, but it didn't." "Joe, do you like babies?" "Babies?" "Sure." "I love babies." "Some day I hope to have a whole bunch." "Joan Ark?" "Hi, I'm Dr. Reynolds." "How do you do?" "I just have..." "First time here?" "Yes, I just had a question." "How's school?" "It's great." "I wish we had it on weekends." "How old are you, Joan?" "What?" "Eighteen." "Is everything okay?" "Is there anything inside me?" "Just get dressed and come into my office." "Joan, has your mother even talked to you about sex?" "Please, God, I want to die!" "Yeah, all the time." "You know how babies are conceived?" "Oh, yeah." "We talk about everything." "She's a wonderful mother." "Then why do you think you're pregnant?" "You're a virgin." "I want to die, right now." "So it's crazy to think one kiss could get you pregnant." "But how would I know?" "What about the Virgin Mary?" "Look at Saint Perpetua?" "She transformed into a man, fought with the devil and walked on his head." "Weird things happen." "Can you do me a favor?" "I need to go to Boston on a jerk errand for my boss." "Can you give the girls dinner?" "Yes!" "I got a great pot roast in the freezer that Sophia left." "Sound good?" "Antyhing hot and not shaped like a star sounds good." "Very funny." "You know what?" "Your mouth sounds like your sister's." "I'm not pleased about that." "The Crains are having a party for New Year." "Did you get an invitation?" "I'm going." "Will you be there?" "It's a costume party." "What do you think?" "Go." "As what?" "A goldfish!" "Well, you're a big help." "As always, it was a pleasure." "Oklahoma" "When the wind comes sweeping down the plains" "And the waving wheat can sure smell sweet" "When the wind comes right behind the rain" "Oklahoma" "Every night my honey lamb and I..." "Where is everybody?" "In here!" "Well, where's here..." "What is this?" "Hey, what's going on in here?" "Young Esther Williams wanted to know what sleeping under the sea would be like." "Her wish being my command, hey, presto!" "Wall-to-wall ocean." "You're certifiable, you know that?" "Then I'm with the right family." "Let's show her." "I'll do it." "Oh, that is so neat." "It's beautiful." "So how's that?" "Sitting under the ocean." "Flying fish and everything." "It's good." "Oh, dinner's ready!" "Let's eat." "I'm so hungry." "You did all that in one evening and cooked too?" "Charlotte we have to thank for dinner." "A feast to put Sophia to shame." "Where did you learn how to do this?" "Home Economics." "If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, there's hope for you yet." "Personally, I don't think that's true." "What do men care about?" "Astroturf." "According to Lou, it'll ruin baseball." "Not to mention the civilized world." "If you want a boyfriend, you better start caring about it too." "If you marry Lou, he can be our dad." "We have a dad." "I've never seen him." "He wouldn't make me an ocean." "Can we sleep over?" "Please?" "No!" "I'll think about it." "Actually, you should have 2 forks." "Why?" "You know what happened if we used the wrong fork when I was a kid?" "We had to stick them in the ground." "Even if the ground was frozen." "We called it the hardware garden." "Believe that?" "That's nothing." "This kid's uncle died and got sprinkled in the garden." "That's nothing." "St. Maragaret of Antioch got eaten by a dragon." "And it burst!" "When I die, I want to be sprinkled in the ocean." "I could live inside a whale, like Jonah" "What if the whale doesn't have a living room and you end up in a tuna fish sandwich?" "Who are they?" "Once a man ate at our table without his shirt." "Like we were nudists!" "Oh, yeah!" "He yanked quarters out of your ears!" "Why'd he do that?" "I think so he wouldn't spill his dinner on it." "Cranberry sauce, please Some chicken?" "What's happening?" "What usually happens when families sit down to eat together." "They talk!" "Cranberry sauce?" "Chicken, anyone?" "I do!" "I'd love some!" "Wait." "I never said you could do this." "Let Kate get so attached." "Is that terrible?" "This is not your family." "If you want to be close, dial direct." "But don't do it through my kids." "Never in my life have I wanted to hit a woman as much as I do you." "When you are wrong you're so wrong, it's scary!" "You've never done something just to make somebody happy?" "!" "What do you want?" "A little trust would be nice!" "And if you care about us, would it kill you to show it?" "!" "What do you mean, us?" "Since when did you and my kids become us?" "You're just you, Lou." "Me and the girls, that's us!" "I was talking about you and me." "If you don't hurry, it'll be New Year's Day!" "You'll miss the party!" "Here's a little something." "An arm!" "This year, Mom!" "All right." "Here's a little more!" "Are you ready?" "This is boring!" "One, two, three, here I am!" "You're a mermaid!" "No, I'm a lumberjack!" "A salesman!" "You're beautiful!" "What do you think?" "If I'd had this when you were little" "I'd have done my ironing and the diapers in it." "Is this the mermaid bus?" "I can see it's mermaid time to get into my mermaid car and hit the mermaid road." "Get the mermaid out of here." "Get my mermaid coat." "Get my mermaid keys." "Oh, my God." "I don't think I'll be fresh for the party." "'Bye, Mom!" "Have fun!" "Have a good time!" "I will!" "Good-bye, Mrs. Mermaid!" "Good-bye, Junior Mermaids!" "Where's that handsome hunk of a husband of yours?" "Out front talking baseball." "He bet $20 they couldn't name 3 players that batted over.400." "Be right back." "Ty Cobb, Joe Jackson, Naps Lajoie!" "You owe me twenty bucks." "Last day ever, every of this year." "Want to make some resolutions?" "What are resolutions?" "They're sort of like wishes." "I wish I could swim forever." "I wish I'd known Anne Frank." "And that I didn't lust after Joe so much." "Put that right here." "We can use that." "Why don't you stay and have a drink?" "It's almost midnight." "Hi, handsome." "Nice caretaker's costume." "You look nice." "It's time you and I had a little dance." "Little Bo Peep." "Can you help with these?" "Now, spin me." "Watch my tail." "Sorry." "I'm on pins and needles." "Did you win the $20?" "What do you think?" "I'm planning a pilgrimage." "To Lourdes?" "No, Cooperstown." "Ask why." "I'll tell you." "I thought so." "The Baseball Hall of Fame." "Before I die, there's 3 things I want from life." "To touch Lou Gehrig's glove." "To be in Florida for Spring Training." "And to take you with me." "Two out of three's not bad." "Ask me in a couple months." "If you're still here." "Exactly." "Two minutes everybody!" "Turn up the TV." "What are we going to do?" "About what?" "This relationship." "What's wrong with it?" "It's stuck." "It has to move or it has to end." "It can't just stay the same." "Ultimatums don't sit really well with me." "Noisemakers?" "What if I asked you to marry me?" "I'd remind you that you're still married." "Then, I'd write." "From New Mexico." "Live with me." "Seven... six... five... four..." "three... two... one!" "Well, so far, 1964's a big drag." "Are you coming home with me?" "Another night." "Happy New Year's." "I think my car's dead." "Think so?" "Can you help me?" "Good." "Thanks for the ride, Joe." "You bet." "Sorry." "Could you help me?" "I'm having trouble with this tail." "Happy New Year." "You kissed him?" "You kissed him?" "!" "How could you do that?" "You let her?" "!" "It was just a New Year's Eve kiss!" "You don't believe in New Year's." "I know." "What are you guys fighting about?" "Nothing." "Everything." "Get inside before you freeze your butt off." "Is Charlotte going to run away again?" "God willing." "Just kidding." "Did you have a nice time?" "Lovely, thank you." "Staying there all night, Miss Poopy Face?" "Why did you let her?" "!" "She kisses everybody, don't you know that?" "!" "It doesn't mean you're special!" "It doesn't mean she likes you or anything!" "She doesn't like anybody!" "Okay, Mom, you want to drive Lou away, that's your business." "You want Joe, that's war." "You give me fever" "Fever" "Care to dance, Mrs. Flax?" "Mrs. Polka Flax." "She'll kill you if you wear that." "Go back to your rocks." "Act your age, not your shoe size." "Who's this?" "Know your colors and your fabrics." "That's what I tell all my little girls." "Shall I tell you a secret?" "I'm in love with Joe." "Do you kiss each other?" "On the lips?" "Like Superman and Lois Lane?" "What's it like?" "Sometimes when you kiss a person, nothing happens." "It's like kissing your hand or yourself in the mirror." "But when you love someone..." "I know." "Chemicals." "You mean chemistry, fish head." "How do I look?" "Like someone drew all over you." "Let's celebrate." "Cool." "Never knew how much something..." "I care" "What are you doing?" "Sucking out the pimentos." "They give me hernias." "You mean hives, fish head." "Hit me, sergeant!" "Okay, but you can only have one." "And you have to sip it." "Fever" "You're giving me fever" "Tell me about when I was born." "Aren't you sick of hearing this story?" "You were born in a hospital in Minneapolis on a cold winter's day." "When Mrs. Flax brought you home I pretended you were mine." "Where was Pop?" "I don't know." "Come on, I'll show you the convent." "Finish the story." "I'll show you the tower." "You've never seen it." "There it is!" "Isn't it neat?" "I want to go up." "I'm going." "Not me." "I'll fall off." "No you won't." "How can you go in those shoes?" "I'll manage." "I'll go get rocks." "I'll be right back." "Don't go anywhere." "Oh, God." "This is real." "This is really real." "Get her inside." "Joseph, get an ambulance." "Katie, please don't die." "Please." "Take Charlotte home." "We'll call when there's news." "Tell Lou." "Katydid." "You were born in a hospital in Minneapolis on a cold winter day." "I brought you home and Charlotte pretended you were hers." "She even tried to make you call her Mom" "We tickled your ears and we watched you sleep." "And the only thing..." "The only thing we ever agreed on was that you were... a wonderful child." "She'll be all right." "They're keeping her in one more night for observation." "Your mother's on her way home." "She's okay." "She's okay." "You look different." "You look beautiful." "Take care." "You too." "Be smart and stay away from me." "I mean it." "Want to take the book for her?" "What were you doing?" "She could've died!" "You were supposed to watch her." "She could've died!" "What the hell were you doing up there?" "!" "I know what you were doing." "The whole goddamn town knows what you were doing!" "I'm warning you!" "I'm crazy angry!" "Don't walk away!" "Don't walk away from me!" "I ma not invisible!" "Talk to me!" "Yes, I made a mistake!" "Yes, I am really sorry!" "It was a big mistake!" "I know that!" "You're always screwing up and we always pay for it!" "Every time you get dumped or dump on somebody." "It's not fair!" "It is not fair!" "I'm tired of being judged by you!" "You're a kid!" "When you're an adult, live how you awnt" "Until then, we will live my life, my way!" "Pack!" "This move is on you!" "If loverboy doesn't like it, too bad!" "This is not about him, it's about me." "That's over!" "He's left!" "Surprise!" "It's not like that!" "Maybe your life works for you but it doesn't work for me!" "I'm staying." "And do what?" "Finish high school." "What's your major?" "Town tramp?" "No, Mom." "The town already has one." "You're just one year younger than I was when I had you." "If you hate my life so much, why are you trying so hard to make the same mistakes?" "How do you feel about this guy?" "I thought I loved him." "Sounds familiar." "I thought you would take him away." "Did you love my father?" "Yeah, I did." "What was he like?" "He was charming and... he made me feel really special for about a minute and a half." "Then he was gone." "What did he look like?" "Like you, only taller." "I don't have any pictures." "We took pictures at the wedding and they didn't come out." "I guess I should have known then." "He's never coming back, is he?" "No." "Has he ever seen me?" "He did once." "You were about 4." "He wanted us back?" "No." "He met another woman and he wanted to get married." "How do you feel about Joe leaving?" "It's fine." "I guess it's too later for our birds and bees talk, isn't it?" "Mom, can we please stay?" "I don't know." "There's going to be so much talk." "It's a small town." "There's always talk." "It's just usually about you." "I'm sorry." "Just for a year." "Give it a year." "I don't know." "Mrs. Flax promised she'd try and stay put." "I knew that would be hard for her." "But 3 months later she and Lou were still sparring." "He took us to the Baseball Hall of Fame His heaven." "Mom was bored but we thought she hid it quite well." "This is Lou Gehrig's glove." "You see that?" "Okay, you touched it." "All right, guys." "What's for lunch?" "If they squeeze your toes, chew it awhile." "Is softens them." "You don't believe me." "Eskimos do it all the time." "The wives do it." "Would you do it for your old man?" "I don't think so. 'Bye." "Give me a break!" "I'm a nice old man." "I'd watch it, Lou." "I might decide to move to a real city." "I hate all these trees and weather." "She won't admit it, but they get along real well." "Trees and weather can get to a person." "I got quite a reputation for awhile." "Even Mary O'Brien was impressed." "It's not easy, but I'm trying to keep romance on the back burner." "Joe moved to California and opened a nursery." "We write." "He sends me funny postcards with pictures of palm trees on them." "Greek myths are my new passion." "Charlotte, we're not Greek." "Kate's back in Olympic form." "But since the accident, sometimes her hearing gets fuzzy." "I heard Mom say she'd be making a main course tonight." "I saw your wife." "She was guly!"