"Previously on Desperate Housewives:" "Adam was finished with Katherine..." "Please get rid of that gum." "but Dylan's father came back." " Bye, sweetheart." " Bye, Dad." "I tricked you into thinking Dylan was yours." "I finished that DNA you wanted, and your suspect's not related to the victim at all." "Gaby and Carlos were forced to go to the police." "Are you sure it was cocaine?" "Carlos, I was a fashion model in the '90s." "I know cocaine." "Just give me what I want... and Lynette... or you're not gonna like what happens." "was pushed to her breaking point." "Coffee mugs to the contrary, Lynette Scavo knew that she was not the world's greatest mother." "In fact, when it came to parenting, Lynette had done many things she was not proud of- like the time when she offered Parker cash if he agreed to eat all of his spinach or when she told the twins there was treasure buried beneath the weeds," "or when she gave her kids a little extra cough syrup so she could finish her novel." "But despite these lapses," "Lynette didn't think of herself as the worst mother in the world either- until one horrible day." "Since when do you make waffles?" "Well, Kayla loves waffles, and since she and I have been having some problems lately," "I wanted to do something nice for her." "Oh, you tell Kayla her breakfast is ready." "My name is Fern Parrish." "This is my colleague, Irene Semanis." "We're from CPS." "Uh, one sec." "Preston, you might wanna stop dropping your waffle on the floor, 'cause I'm still gonna make you eat it." "So, uh, what's CPS?" "Children's Protective Services." "For what it's worth, I keep my floors incredibly clean." "Mrs Scavo, we recently received a report of some abuse in your home." "Abuse?" "That's ridiculous." "Well, we got a call from a Dr Joshua Dolan." "It seems he was contacted by your daughter Kayla." "Who says you hit her... repeatedly." "Okay... first, I'm not that kind of mom." "And second, Kayla has a tendency to... exaggerate." "We also have a security tape from a clothing store." "It shows you slapping a young girl across the face." "We're assuming that's Kayla." "Have a seat." "I'll be with you in a second." "Yes, Lynette Scavo was not the world's greatest mother." "But in her heart, she knew she had done the best she could, given what she had to work with." "Desperate Housewives 4x16+17 The gun song / Free" ""Lynette"- it's how the French describe "a pretty one. "" ""Katherine"- coined by the ancient Greeks, it denotes "purity. "" ""Gabrielle"- a Hebrew word meaning "God is my strength. "" ""Bree"- it's an Irish name that means "power. "" "Indeed, every name has a single specific meaning," "which is why parents have trouble choosing one for someone who means everything to them." "What about "Philip"?" "I like "Philip. "" "Oh, I know you do." "I don't, and neither does the baby." "Philip?" "Oh, Phil?" "See?" "Nothing." "Not even a burp." "Here's a thought." "How about "Nathaniel"?" "All right, that's the fourth time you've tried to sneak "Nathaniel" past me." "I'm putting "Peyton" back on the table." "I am not naming my son after a quarterback." "All right, here's the rest of my list." "Lucas." "It sounds like "mucus. "" " Mitchum." " Like the deodorant?" " Unitas." " Oh, give me that." "Well, we need new inspiration." "Riley." "I like it." "Who is he?" "He's a guy who..." ""killed six, then self. "" "Well, I give up." "He's not gonna get a name." "When we want him to come, we'll just whistle and say, "Here, boy. "" "Dr Conner." "Paging Dr Conner." "Please call admitting." " Conner." " I love it." "Me, too." "Oh, you finally have a name." "Dr Conner Delfino." "I'm going out to the mall." "You wanna come with?" "Oh, no, thanks." "I gotta make sure my handyman gets his wiring done." "He screwed it up the last time." "You realize we could've had a fire?" "Sorry, Mrs Solis." "All right, then." "See you later." "And... she's gone." "Great." "Let's break into her room." "As soon I finish this, I'll start placing bugs in the other rooms." "Well, isn't her room enough?" "She has a prepaid cell phone, so we can't tap it." "Our only hope at nailing her supplier is to record every conversation she has in this house." "Well, how long is that gonna take?" "We got a tip that she's expecting a delivery this week." "So it won't be long before Miss Leonard learns the joys of a little girl-on-girl action in a prison shower." "Okay, first of all, you're a pig." "Second of all, don't say things like that." "Ellie's my friend." "Yeah, well, your friend is a drug dealer, I.e. scum." "You don't even know her." "Okay, yes, she's made some bad choices, but deep down, she's a good person." "Yeah, well, deep down, I hope she rots in jail." "Okay, when this thing is over, let's not do the whole Christmas card thing." "Is that your husband?" "No, he's at Braille school." "Gaby?" "Oh, Ellie!" "What the hell are you doing in my room?" "We weren't expecting you back so soon." "I forgot my wallet." "Again, what the hell are you doing in my room?" "Well, we needed some privacy." "See, Roy and I are lovers." "You're having an affair with your handyman?" "I know, it's crazy." "You wouldn't believe the passion." "I mean, I was powerless to resist." "Just- just get out of my room." "Okay, okay." "We're going." "That's for using your tongue." "Lots of people do missionary work, but few have the guts to smuggle bibles into North Korea." "It is my distinct pleasure to welcome back, after four long years" "Reverend Michael Green." "Thank you for that glorious introduction, Joe." "Well, it's good to be back." "Now if you'll all please stand and offer each other the lord's peace." "Peace be with you, Bree." "I reject your peace, and I demand you stop stalking me." "I'm doing no such thing." "Really?" "So I just happen to run into you at the dry cleaner, the greengrocer, the post office?" "We shared a life together." "It's only natural we'd frequent the same places." "Oh, please." "I saw you at my nail salon." "There's nothing in the bible that says a man can't enjoy a nice pedicure." "Orson, hear me when I say this." "It's over." "You have done unconscionable things for which I can never forgive you, and no amount of flitting about in my peripheral vision is going to change that." "But there must be something I can do." "You know I've repented." "We-we can get past this." "I know no such thing." "Now be quiet." "I'm done talking to you." "Bree, so nice to see you again." "Peace be with you." "And also with you." "Do not give this man peace." "You shouldn't keep your doors unlocked, Kathy." "Why do you think they call 'em "crimes of opportunity"?" "What do you want?" "Dylan used to have a big old scar right here, and now it's gone." "I'm just curious how you would explain that." "Never too early to start drinking, is it?" "She fell off her bike." "11 stitches." "I remember." "I took her to a plastic surgeon in Chicago 'cause I didn't want her to feel self-conscious." "Well, that's pretty convenient." "What are you suggesting, Wayne?" "Something's not right." "I felt it from the moment that I laid eyes on her." "I just don't see myself in her at all." "I told you." "She's not yours." "Yeah, but I don't see you in her either." "So... let's just settle this once and forll." "Take a DNA test." "All I need is one strand of hair." "Knock, knock." "Is this a bad time?" "No, not at all." "Great, because we are here to throw ourselves on your mercy." "We are having a commitment ceremony in five days, and our caterer just canceled." "We know it's short notice." "Totally understand if you say no." "Nonsense." "I'd love to do it." "Why don't you have a seat, and we'll talk details?" "I'm sorry if... you're busy, can come back later." "No, no." "No, that's okay." "You stay." "I'll come back later." "Lynette, I'm sorry." "When I'm told about a suspected case of child abuse, I am bound by law to report it." "Okay, so what happens now?" "I'm just trying to help CPS finish their investigation." "They'll interview your kids, their teachers, possibly some of your neighbors." "My neighbors?" "God!" "I could strangle that girl." "Honey, you might wanna stop saying things like that." "Look, for the next few days, let Tom handle the kids." "Any other problems between you and Kayla could jeopardize custody of all your children." "Wait." "They could take my children?" "No one's taking anyone." "You have got to be kidding me!" "This is all a big misunderstanding." "I'm sure that we can work this out." "So what do I need to do to keep my kids?" "Well, there are a lot of things you can do." "First, no physical discipline..." "Bob liked the idea of the onion and white asparagus tart." "Wonderful!" "With a little goat cheese." "Oh, and Lee asked for stuffed mushrooms." "Those with roasted green beans as our side dishes." "Nice tight grouping." "You are not rusty at all." "Thank you." "Felt good." "Although I always, uh, like a trip to the range, is there any particular reason we came here for party planning?" "Well, with Adam gone, I've just been feeling a little... uneasy lately." "It's funny how having a man in the house can make you feel safer, no matter how retiring or easily spooked he might be." "That's true." "I just need to feel that if an intruder broke in, I could take care of it... effectively." "You really want to be effective?" "Try hollow points." "These rounds you've got punch straight though, but a hollow point blooms on impact, cuts the body to shreds from the inside." "Sounds exactly like what I need." "Now..." "let's talk desserts." "I just got a call from my mom." "My grandpa died." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "I know how much you loved him." "Well, actually, I've been thinking about it." "I know we settled on "Conner, " but I'd, uh, I'd like to name our son after my grandfather." "Well, yeah, um, I mean, "Conner" is just a name we picked out of thin air." "This would mean something." "So you're okay with this?" "Think it's a beautiful way to honor your grandfather." "I mean, "James" wouldn't be my first choice, but it's a good, solid name." "No, grandpa James is my dad's dad." "This is my mom's" " Maynard." "Oh, right." "Maynard." "Oh, that's awful... that he died." "Why didn't we think of this before?" "It's such a beautiful Southern name." "Oh, and rare, really rare." "And you're right." "It's a great way to honor my grandfather." "Yeah." "I said that, didn't I?" "Oh, shoot." "We can't do it." "Isn't your grandpa James significantly older than grandpa Maynard?" "Shouldn't we honor him first?" "But grandpa James isn't dead." "You sure?" "It's worth a phone call." "Actually, I've got a cousin who's named after him already, so we're covered." "Thank you, Susan." "This really means a lot." "I'm gonna go call my mom." "Forgive me." "don't look at me like that." "His grandfather just died." "Lunch is almost ready." "I'm making your favorite." "I take it you're still mad at me." "Well, yeah." "I just don't get why you broke into my room." "Well, I couldn't risk doing it in my room." "Ever since Carlos went blind, he's developed a strong sense of smell." "I don't know if you happened to catch a whiff of Roy, but that is one telltale odor." "Well, that's another thing, you know?" "What do you see in that guy?" "Uh, you know, he's a handyman." "He knows how to... get in there... and make stuff work." "But he's a zero, and Carlos is so fantastic." "don't you love him?" "Of course I do." "Carlos Solis is the love of my life." "But, you know, sometimes you get bored, and a big, greasy, disgusting handyman really hits e spot." "Adam, what the- you scared me half to death." "Sorry." "I let myself in." "Why?" "Dylan told me Wayne's back." " Why didn't you call me?" " Because I'm handling it." "Yeah, she told me about the shooting range, too." "You sure that's the best way to handle it?" "Adam, you made it very clear that you were done with me." "But I'm not done with Dylan, and if Wayne's back, then I'm gonna protect her." "So maybe I should pay him a little visit, scare him off." "If you'd ever met Wayne, you'd know better." "Well, then let's get Dylan out of town." "I tried." "She said she's not leaving." "Well, I..." "I promised her a trip for graduation, just the three of us, anywhere she wanted to go." "Okay." "But what happens when the trip's over?" "Won't we just be at square one again?" "Not if we don't come back." "Oh, Susan." "He's adorable." "he's so precious." "So it's been two days now." "Did you and Mike finally land on a name?" "Maynard." "Maynard?" " Interesting." " It has a very distinct ring." "Okay, drop the act, ladies." "I hate it, too." "Mike insisted that we name him after his dead grandfather." "How did he die?" "Was he beaten to death 'cause his name was Maynard?" "I know." "It's terrible, but I can't change it now." "Mike was so emotional about it." "Well, then appeal to his sense of reason, because the name "Maynard" doesn't go with the name of "Delfino. "" "One is German and the other is Italian, and we all know what happens when those folks get together." "Well, I'm not sure that the World War II argument is gonna fly." "Come on." "You have to do something." "I mean, that name is practically abusive." "Yeah, think about your son." "People live up to the names they're given." "If my parents hadn't named me "Gabrielle, " who knows if I'd be this pretty?" "I guess that's why they didn't name you "Einstein. "" "So sarcastic, but what would you expect from a "Lynette"?" "What?" "If your name was "Francesca, " you wouldn't have time for sarcasm." "You'd be too busy having sex on a Vespa." "You're right." "My son's future is at stake." "I have to do something." "Maybe not." "We call Gabrielle "Gaby. "" "I mean, perhaps there's a shortened version of "Maynard" you could live with." "Yeah." "Which says "kick my ass" less- "may" or "nerd"?" "what's going on?" "Lynette Scavo, I'm placing you under arrest." "What?" "Why?" "Wh-for what?" "Kayla showed us the burn mark on her arm." "Burn mark?" "What burn mark?" " You see?" "She doesn't know anything about this." " Okay, sir." " Now please, if we could just go back and talk about this..." " That's enough." "Sir, enough!" "Ma'am, you're gonna have to come with us." " Tom." " Okay, you know what?" "I'm gonna go call the attorney." "I- okay." "Look, look, I" " I will come with you." "Please, just don't handcuff me in front of my children." "Well, you should have thought of that before you hurt one of them." "Lynette Scavo, you have the right to remain silent." "If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law." "You have the right to have an attorney present during questioning." "If you do not have one, we will appoint one for you." "Well, I'd-I'd be delighted to speak to them, Bree." "Perhaps I can tell 'em the story about the time I evaded the North Korean border patrol by hiding in a pile of oxen dung." "they'll love that." "This is gonna be the best seniors' brunch ever." "I'm so glad you're back." "Between you and me, Reverend Sykes tended to pander to the congregation's progressive element." "I prefer your more muscular brand of christianity." "Well, thank you, Bree." "I thought of you also." "I'm so sorry to hear about Rex's passing, but I understand that you remarried." "I did, but, um, I'm afraid it hasn't worked out." "It's been rough." "For what it's worth, I know how you feel." "When Carolyn left me, the loneliness was crippling." "I didn't know she left you." "Yes, for our Korean grocer." "I'll tell you, sometimes this merciful God of ours has one sick sense of humor." "Hartman, table for four, 7:30." "See you then." " Table for one?" " Yes." "Scavo's." "Is everything all right?" "Oh, this is a bit awkward, but my soon-to-be ex just walked in." "He's been following me everywhere." "For Ace, 8:30 pm." "All right." "Would you mind terribly if I took your hand?" "Maybe that way, he'll finally get the idea that I've moved on." "My hand is at your service." "Right this way, Sir." "Will you be needing a wine list?" "Actually, I... think I'll be needing a new restaurant." "Ah, it worked." "Thank you for that." "It was my pleasure." "The bail bondsman said he has to run a credit check, then he'll wire the money." "So after you've been processed, you can leave." "And go where?" "I can't get within 500 feet of my children." "Are you not up to speed on The People vs Lynette Scavo?" "We'll figure something out." "Mrs Scavo, it's time to go." "No, you'll figure something out." "I have to go back to my cell." "Honey, I am so sorry about this." "Look it, just hang in there." "It's only gonna be a couple more hours at the most." "How can you talk like that?" "What else has to happen for you to get what's going on here?" "I do get it." "But Kayla's my daughter, so I'm trying to deal with this in a way that protects our family." "No, you are trying to stay on the fence while I fight to stop Kayla from destroying us." "But look around you, Tom." "Look where I am!" "You have got to do something now." "Fix this." "Well, thank you for a lovely evening, Bree." "You know, it's funny." "I don't think I'll be able to look at you as just another parishioner anymore." "Now, now." "We mustn't play favorites, although I will take that as a compliment." "Well, take this as a compliment as well." "Your eyes glimmer like the Yalu river on a moonlit night." "How, um, colorfully put." "what does that mean?" "I want you." "Reverend Green!" "When you took my hand in that restaurant, I could feel the electricity, and I know you felt it, too." "No, I told you." "I was only trying to send a message to my ex." "Oh, please." "There's always been sexual tension between us," "Ever since Palm Sunday 1996, when we both reached for the same frond." "No!" "Bree, if I took no for an answer, Kangwon province would still have 242 unsaved souls." "Well, now you're sending out mixed signals." "Then let me send you a clear one." "I am not attracted to you." "Oh, nice." "First you use me, then you reject me, and now you're insulting me?" "Maybe you should go now, Mrs Hodge." "Oh, Reverend Green, please don't be upset." "Shoot!" "Ellie, can you help me for a sec?" "Sure." "What'S..." "I spilled my milk again." "don't worry." "I'll clean it up." "God, I'm so sick of knocking crap over." "I don't know how Gaby puts up with me." "She's a saint." "Yeah, well..." ""Well, " what?" " Hey, sweetie." " Hey, whore!" "Excuse me?" "I know all about your affair with the handyman." "Ellie told me everything." "that little snitch." "I can't believe she did that!" "Well, thanks for letting me know." "Uh, hello?" "Are we even gonna talk about this?" "Yeah, the second that bitch gets home, I'm gonna let her have it." "Boy, you trust someone, and they just betray you." "It sucks, you know?" "Yeah, I know!" "Gaby, you cheated and you got caught." "Now will you please hand me a plate so I can smash it against the wall?" "Oh, you moron!" "There was no affair!" "That was the cop." "Ellie caught us putting the bug in her room." "That was just an excuse we used as a cover." "And you expect me to believe that?" "I got news for you, Carlos." "You're blind." "You don't have a choice anymore." "You have to believe what I tell you." "Just like when I hand you the deodorant, you have to believe it's not oven cleaner." "I know it's not fair." "I know it gives me absolute power, but tough." "You're screwed." "Deal with it!" "Are we good?" " Okay." " Thank you." "Now please, I just lost a friend." "Stop being so insensitive." "Pastor Joe." "I noticed that there are no programs." "Oh, yes." "Reverend Green decided to change today's scripture reading." "It's going to be Colossians 3:5." "Oh, he wants to talk about sexual promiscuity?" "Well, it was a last minute thing." "He came in this morning muttering about some "redheaded harlot" in our midst who needs to be unmasked." "I don't know." "I was just so relieved he was off the Koreans, I didn't ask questions." "Excuse me a minute." "Hello." "Sorry." "I know this is a bad time." "Aren't you Bree Hodge's ex-husband?" "No, I'm her current husband, and I need to speak to you about today's sermon." "They're a little late getting started." "I know, and Reverend Green is usually such a stickler for punctuality." "Well, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't think my sermon is any of your business." "Let me put it this way." "If you say anything about Bree, you and I are gonna have a problem." "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I think it's my duty as pastor to warn my flock when a temptress sits among us." "Now if you'll excuse me." "What the hell's the matter with you?" "I'm not going to let you go out there and trash that good woman's name." ""Good woman"?" "She led me on." "Who are they talking about?" "She's a flame-haired Jezebel!" "You're insane!" " She is the most moral person I know!" " I have no idea." " Now if you'll please excuse me." " Would a moral person lead a man on and then humiliate him?" "I don't care what she did to you." "I am not going to let you publicly declare that Bree Hodge is a slut!" "Oh, dear Lord." "Then again, I suppose I could preach about tolerance today." "Orson." "Orson." "Hello, Maynard." "I love you, Maynard." "My sweet little..." "May-May." "Mamie." "Nerd." "Hello." "I need to change the name on my baby's birth certificate." " Okay, last name?" " Delfino, Maynard." "Where's the father?" "You both need to sign this." "Working." "Busy, busy, busy." "Uh, but he told me to tell you that he's totally cool with it." "Well, I'm busy, busy, busy, too." "So when he's available, you can come on back, and we'll make the change." "Okay." "I'm just gonna level with you." "My husband picked the name, and I think it's horrible, and I know over time, he's gonna agree." "I don't care." "Rules are rules." "You gotta help me out here." "I'm just trying to protect my child." "I don't want him to go through life saddled with the name "Maynard. "" "I don't see what the big deal is." "Well, of course, you don't." "You're Vanessa." "You went through life with a beautiful name." "That's why you have such a crackerjack personality." "I think we're done here." "I have a couple errands to run." "Will you cover for me?" " No problem." " Thanks, Griselda." "Griselda... that must have been a tough name to take out on the playground." "Yeah." "Actually, it was." "We should talk." "I'm, uh, here to check on Orson Hodge." "An ambulance brought him in less than an hour ago." "Are you family?" "I'm his wife." "Well, he's going to be fine." "The's no concussion, but the doctors do wanna keep him here for a couple of hours." "Should I tell him that you're here?" "No, that's all right." "Let him rest." "But please take excellent care of him." "He's a good man." "Gaby, can I talk to you?" "About how you snitched on me to Carlos?" "No, thanks." "I'm all caught up on that." "I'm sorry, but I know from experience what cheating can do to people." "Let me guess." "This story ends with you throwing your boyfriend's varsity jacket in the lake?" "When I was 13, my dad caught my mom having an affair, and he walked out on us." "We had nothing, okay?" "My mom went crazy, and I ended up on the street." "To survive, I..." "I had to do a bunch of stuff that I'm not proud of." "Oh, Ellie, I'm so sorry." "I had no idea." "What have we got here?" "That's our guy." "The point is, the one bad decision can me up a lot of lives, and I just don't want that to happen to you and Carlos, 'cause I love you guys." "Yes?" "Supplier's coming your way." "We're gonna arrest them both, so get out of there now." "Okay." "Bye." "Anyway, I didn't mean to get into a whole thing." "I just wanted to say I'm sorry." "The cops are coming." "Go." "What?" "Police!" "Drop the bag!" "Drop the bag!" "Hands behind your head." "It's a sting." "Go out the back now." "Adam!" "Mom said you were coming tonight." "Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world..." " So you better be on your A game." " Okay." "And we're all going out to dinner afterwar." "Adam wants to tell you about your graduation present." "What?" "What is it?" "No, no, no." "You gotta wait, but I'll give you a clue." "I hope your passport's up-to-date." "Yeah, no." "It's-it's okay, Andrew." "You can, uh, you can just- you can finish it in the morning." "Great." "See ya." "Bye." "Need some help with that?" "I didn't think you liked puzzles." "I can give it a shot." "I need to talk to you... about Lynette." "I'm soy I had to call Dr Dolan, daddy, but she scares me." "Yeah." "You said that before, but here's the thing." "They're gonna let Lynette go soon, and when they do, you guys aren't gonna be able to live in the same house anymore." "You-you know that, right?" "So where is she gonna live?" "Like, in a hotel or something?" "She lives here, Kayla, with me and the boys and Penny." " This is her home." " But" "But don't worry." "We're gonna find you a nice place to live." "Daddy, I don't wanna go anywhere." "I wanna stay here with you." "I don't have a choice, Kayla." "I need to keep you safe." "But I made it all up." "I lied about everything." "I burned myself." "And why would you do that, Kayla?" "I hate her." "And it's so much better when it's just us." "I see." "And you'll explain all this to the police and Dr Dolan and everybody, right?" "Yes, promise." "And then I can stay, right?" "No, sweetie." "No." "What you did was horrible, and I can't trust you anymore." "Then I'm gonna keep lying to everybody." "You don't want that, do you?" "Did you get all that, Dr Dolan?" "I'm gonna go stretch my legs and check my service real quick." " Okay, but intermission's only ten minutes." " Yeah." "Excuse me." "Could you give me a hand?" " What's up?" " Nail in my tire." "I gotta change it now 'cause I need to leave after my daughter's solo." "I'm-I'm catching a red-eye." "Yeah, sure." "I can help." "Oh, thanks." "I'm right over here." "This thing's really flat." "Usually with a nail, you get a slow leak." "Yeah." "I'm lucky I even made it here." "Well, I got this." "You grab the spare." "My daughter's the one that plays the cello." "Which one is your daughter?" "That the other thing I need your help with." "Oh, honey, can you get all my toiletries out of the bathroom?" "What are those?" "Well, it's cute, aren't they?" "It's a hospital tradition." "Get them out of here now." "Why?" "Because my husband is terrified of balloons." "He was once molested by a clown." " Oh, my gosh." " Oh, I got it." "What's going on?" "I'm sorry, sir." "We didn't know about the clown." "Why does that say "Conner"?" "Is that what it said?" "We had "Maynard" ones printed up, but Mrs Delfino... went to the records office..." "Susan... what's going on?" "Well..." "I hate the name "Maynard. "" " Really?" "I like it" " Get out." "I'm sorry." "I..." "I just want our kid to have a great name." "I don't think "Maynard" is great." "You wanna know what is great?" "My grandfather... started the first integrated elementary school in Tennessee." "And you know what else is great?" "When my dad went to prison, the state wanted to put me in the system." "My grandfather wouldn't let 'em." "He took in my mom and me and sacrificed everything just to make sure we had a great life." "I didn't know about that." "Susan, I don't want to just give our son a name." "I want to give him someone to live up to." "Maynard." "Let's hope he's worthy." "Well, that part's up to us." "Well, that's all of her things." "Well, we should probably get going, hmm?" "We found a hotel with a pool for tonight." "Maybe you and grandpa can go swimming." "Sheila, can I talk to her for a sec?" "Honey, I know this is hard on you." "but I'm gonna come visit you at grandpa and grandma's all the time." "So it's not like it's good-bye forever." "Kayla..." "I'm sorry how everything turned out." "No, you're not." "Okay, then." "I love you, baby." "Have a safe trip." "Daddy!" "I'm sorry!" "Daddy, I'm sorry!" "Please!" "Daddy!" "Please!" "What's in a name?" "Do the labels we attach to people tell us everything we need to know?" "If we say she's just a child, does this mean she's truly innocent?" "Does calling her a drug dealer prove she's purely evil?" "Will a man known as "preacher" always practice what he preaches?" "Can a man branded a villain possess the qualities of a hero?" "The truth is, a name can never really tell you who someone is..." "Who are you?" "any more than it can tell you what they're capable of." "I'm Wayne Davis... and we're about to have some fun." ""The Next Morning"" "It had been 14 years since Katherine Mayfair had been in a police station, but she remembered the conversation like it was yesterday." "Would you like some water, honey?" "Thanks." "So..." "I take it this isn't the first time your husband's hit you?" "He keeps promising to stop, but it just gets worse." "And I'm afraid he's gonna do something to my daughter." "Please, you have to help me." "Have you reported him before?" "Once, but when I called, they said they couldn't find the paperwork." "Your husband's Wayne Davis, one of our patrolmen." "Want some advice?" "Wayne's got a lot of friends around here." "Of course you can press charges, but..." "I can't guarantee that one of his friends won't lose the paperwork again." "Then what should I do?" "Get as much money as you can lay your hands on, grab your daughter... and run." "And so she did... to a place she thought would be safe." "Mrs Mayfair?" "I'm detective Romslo." "Can I help you?" "Why exactly would you think that Dr Mayfair was kidnapped?" "No one in the school parking lot heard or saw anything suspicious." "That's because the man responsible for this-my ex- knows a little something about how to commit a crime." "He's a cop." "What's his name?" "Wayne Davis." "What?" "Well, it's just, uh..." "I know Wayne." "We've hung out together." "He's a hell of a golfer." "Well, believe me when I tell you he wasn't a hell of a husband." "Is that what this is about?" "Some payback for an ancient domestic dispute?" "Please." "You have to do something." "Because once Wayne is done with Adam, he's going to come after me." "And this time, he's gonna kill me." "I know it." "I'll look into it." "If you would just, uh, fill out this paperwork... in that moment, Katherine knew exactly what she had to do... again." "Mom, stop." "You're not making any sense." "There's no time." "Wayne is coming." "He took Adam." "We're next." "But why?" "Why would he do that?" "And if we're in so much danger, then why aren't we calling the police?" "The police will not help." "Dylan, please!" "Go pack your things." "We need to be gone before he gets here." "Stop!" "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on." "Why do I have to be afraid of my father?" "Katherine Mayfair had been running from the truth for a long time..." "Okay." "I'll tell you." "No!" "Dylan." "Dylan, I'm sorry." " I had no choice!" " No!" "Dylan!" "and it had finally caught up with her." "There's a ritual my friends have observed for years." "Once a week, they meet to play a game of cards and talk about their lives." "There's always laughter and wine... and talk about the neighbors." "No way, Bree." "I don't want Katherine in our games." "She bums me out." "Oh, I'm with Gaby." "I mean, you know me." "I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt... no, you don't." "No, I don't, but let's say I did." "Katherine has this aloof quality." "It's like she's always trying to keep us at arm's length." "Well, I have to agree." "She's changed." "She's not that fun anymore." "Ladies, I don't know what you're talking about." "Katherine has all sorts of wonderful qualities." "Name one, and keep in mind that "aloof" and "unfun" have already been taken." "Well, I admit she plays her cards close to the vest, but some of you could benefit from that kind of quiet dignity," "Miss I-chew-gum-like-a-1930s-gun-moll." "Bree, you can talk Katherine up all you want, but she is just never gonna be one of us." "Anybody home?" "We were just talking about you." "Random chitchat, nothing specific." "That's nice." "Could I talk to you for a minute?" "What's going on?" "Okay, I know it's last minute, but I have to leave town, so I'm not gonna be able to help you cater the commitment ceremony." "It's tomorrow!" "A hundred gay men are descending on this street, and they're expecting a fabulous party." "I feel awful, but I wouldn't bail on you if it weren't important." "Okay." "Well, what's going on?" "I can't tell you." "Again, I'm so sorry." "Good luck." "All right, you can all wipe those smug looks off your faces, because every one of you has just become my employee." "Hey, got any plans tomorrow at 5:00 am?" "'Cause now you do." "Bree needs about two truckloads of flowers picked up from..." "What?" "Guess who got off the wait list at Princeton!" "Oh my God." "Oh my God!" "I'm so proud of you!" "Okay, I am going to need a bumper sticker right away so I can start annoying all the other parents!" "Sure." "I'll snag you one when I get there on tuesday." "Tuesday?" "What are you talking about?" "Okay, you know that professor who read my senior thesis?" "Well, he was so impressed that he asked me to come out and do a summer internship." "I'm leaving next week." "Next week?" "W- well, that is a big... no." "No?" "Mom, I have to." "It's a huge honor." "Yes... to be chosen, and you have been chosen." "So congratulations, and you're staying home." "Oh, you're not letting her go?" "But it's a huge honor." "Yes, we've established that." "It's huge." "It's an honor." "We get it." "Give me one good reason why I can't go." "Well, the first thing off the top of my head... we can't afford it." "Susan, can I talk to you for a sec?" "You know, I just inherited 5 grand from grandpa Maynard, and I..." "I'd really like to help Julie do this." "Mike, that is so sweet." "Mike makes another good point." "Who is this professor?" "I don't know him." "I am certainly not going to give my daughter to him for a summer." "I'm sorry, Julie." "This is not happening." "This totally sucks." "Well, yes, but don't forget- it is a huge honor." "You know what we haven't done in a really long time?" "Made 250 mini pizzas in one afternoon." "What are you talking about?" "Bree's in a horrible jam, and I told her we'd help cater the commitment ceremony tomorrow." "I can't." "I'm busy, remember?" "I'm taking this stuff to Kayla, my daughter who lives four and a half hours away now." "Okay, so at the risk of cracking these eggshells I've been walking on all week, any idea when you're gonna stop being so angry?" "I'm not angry at you." "'Cause you know we didn't have a choice, Tom." "We had to get her out of the house." "I know." "I am angry at the situation." " Can you please just let me be angry?" " Fine." "You can be as angry and sulky and pissy as you want, just so long as you're here tomorrow, helping me crank out 250 mini pizzas." "You know, I've been told that some wives ask their husbands for favors and actually say, "please. "" "Oh, Tom. don't you know an urban myth when you hear one?" "Okay, so here's the deal." "Bree needs all of these wedding favors wrapped by tomorrow, and she's really counting on me, so..." "I'm gonna need you to hurry." "I just got off the phone with the credit card company." "Do you have something that you wanna tell me?" "Well, it would be easier if I knew what you knew." "Damn it, Gaby, enough shopping!" "You've maxed out every credit card we own." "I mean, we are so broke right now, it's gonna be a miracle if we don't end up on the street." "Okay, when you yell at me, I get upset." "And you know what I do when I get upset?" "I shop." "So if we do end up homeless, guess whose fat it'll be." "Whatever." "I'm gonna go read porn..." "In braille." "Hello?" "Gaby, it's Ellie." "Ellie, you can't call me!" "The cops are all over my ass because they think I helped you escape." "I'm sorry." "I just need one more favor, and then I'll never bother you again." "Ellie, I don't know." "What is it?" "I left my teddy bear in the coat closet." "I need you to bring it to me." "Teddy bear?" "What is that, code for "a pound of blow"?" "No, it's an actual teddy bear." "My dad gave it to me when I was 5, and it's the only thing I have left to remember him by." "Crap." "Ya had to play the daddy card." "So after the ceremony, we'll open up the buffet..." "Uh, chicken masala, and pasta for the vegetarians." "And dancing, roll out the cake, you leave for your honeymoon, and I will collapse in a tasteful heap." "Hold it." "You dn't say anything about the ice sculpture." "Yes, I'm sorry." "One cherub, delivered at 1:30." "Cherub?" "No, I specifically told Katherine we were gonna go with the enchanted castle." "And I told her we'd go with the cherub because we are not 8-year-old girls." "Bob, all my life I have dreamt of having a wedding reception in which I would serve drinks from a vodka moat surrounding an enchanted castle rendered in ice, and I don't think that's too much to ask." "Remember when you asked me to tell you when you start acting like Faye Dunaway from the boardroom scene in "Mommie Dearest"?" "Uh, why don't I let you two work this out?" "Fine, we'll go with the stupid baby angel." "I need some coffee." "Why are you here?" "And don't say for the pizza, because I know you're lactose-intolerant." "I heard Katherine left you in the lurch." "I'm here to offer my assistance." "Oh, I get it." "So I'm desperate and vulnerable, and you're gonna swoop in and save the day." "Well, thank you very much." "I'm fine." "Darling, don't be stubborn." "You're gonna need place cards, and you know I have excellent penmanship." "Don't you dare throw your calligraphy skills in my face when you know I'm at a low point." "Now go!" "And stop following me." "You're doomed." "Excuse me?" "The way you just caved on that sculpture thing?" "You're setting the tone for your entire marriage." "I am?" "Yeah." "You gotta dig in your heels." "Otherwise, you're gonna be pushed around for the next..." "Let's see." "How long have I been married?" "Ten and a half years." " I want my castle." " Lee... it is the only thing I've asked for, and damn it, I'm entitled to it." "Fine." "Thank you." "All right, so I will call the ice sculptor and see if we can" "Forget it." "We're sticking with the cherub." "And later, when he bitches about it, I'll just buy him some jewelry." "You sure you haven't been married before?" "Hey, Gaby?" "Over here, Carlos." "You know, I got a theory as to why all this bad stuff has happened to us- my blindness and losing all our money... it's karma." "You know, we've been selfish and greedy, and the universe is telling us to start being better people." "I just found $118,000 in Ellie's teddy bear." "Hey, universe?" "Bite me!" " Hello?" " Hey, Wayne?" "It's Pete Romslo." "Pete!" "How's tricks?" "Listen, uh, I'm just calling to give you a heads-up." "Um, I finally met your ex." "She came in to file a report." "Apparently, you, uh, kidnapped her husband." "No kidding?" "Am I asking for ransom?" "Well, you always said she was crazy." "Now I feel your pain." "Anyway, I-I just thought you should know, huh?" " Take care." " Thanks." "Okay, enough kiddin' around." "Tell me where my daughter is." "Oh, for- did you die on me?" "Damn it!" "Okay, so you have another one of those in the truck?" "Thank you." "I'll be back in ten minutes!" "We need more settings on five, please." "Lynette, I wish I had time to be more tactful, but I don't." "Your swan is pathetic, and I'm firing you from napkin duty." "No, no, give me another chance." "I will get it." "yes?" "Oh, there you are!" "Where is my ice sculpture?" "No!" "No, 6:00 is too late." "I need it now." "Oh, forget it." "I'll pick it up myself." "Why don't you fill water glasses?" "That's an important job, too." "Andrew..." "look, I'm on my way back, but it's imperative that you..." "Andrew?" "Oh, dear God." "Oh, no." "Don't die on me now!" "oh, dear God." "Help me!" "Help!" "I'm just saying we should pay off all of our bills and put the rest in savings." "Savings?" "Nobody does that anymore." "Well, I mean, you never know." "We might have kids." "Oh, Carlos, we're never gonna have kids." "Shoes are my kids." "Let me be the mother I was meant to be." "Hello?" "Where's my bear?" "Right." "The bear." "Well..." "I looked all over and just couldn't find it." "I guess the cops took it." "I'm really sorry, Ellie." "I know it was a gift from your dad." "It just breaks my heart." "You found the money, didn't you?" "Money?" "What money?" "You're lying." "I can hear it in your voice." "What's wrong with my voice?" "Okay, listen, bitch." "You do not wanna screw with me." "How about we split it 50-50?" "I'm coming to get my money, and if one dime is missing," "I will throw acid in your face." "Okay, we really need to get caller ID." "What more can you do to me?" "Need a lift?" "Is, uh, Dylan here by any chance?" "Uh, um, no, I-I haven't seen her." "Okay." "Thanks." "Hey, Katherine, are you all right?" "Dylan and I, we... had a big fight." "Well, I'm sure she's just upset, and she'll come home after she cools off." "Not this time." "I lied to her." "Well... we all lie to our kids sometimes, right?" "I've been doing it her whole life- one lie on top of another- and the thing..." "I learned too late is that eventually they all come crashing down on you." "Anyway, if you see her, let me know?" "Thanks." "What's your hurry, Kathy?" "What happened to my daughter?" "I'm not telling you anything, so you might as well kill me." "I don't care." "I believe you." "I do." "But what about Dylan?" "Or should I say, that girl that lives here with you?" "I bet you'd care if I killed her." "There are no wings." "Yes, and the Venus de Milo is missing two arms." "What's your point?" "It's... stunning." "well, I suppose I should say thank you." "Oh, it's no big deal." "You're just lucky I was there." "Was I lucky, or were you following me?" "I thought you might need my help." "And you were right." "I did." "You just think I'm being stubborn, don't you?" "Making you jump through hoops when it's so clear we belong together." "I don't think anything, Bree." "I'm just trying to be there for you and hoping eventually you'll forgive me." "But that's just it, Orson." "If I forgive you, then I forgiving what you did to Mike." "I can't do that." "And- and you wouldn't want me to." "I mean, be honest with yourself." "If I took you back now, I wouldn't be the woman you love." "Then what can I do?" "I've already told you." "Turn yourself in to the police and let justice run its course." "I can't do that, Bree." "I want to, for you, more than anything." "But I don't think I could survive it." "Well... so here we are." "what is this?" " It's your ice sculpture." " No, it's not." "I see no turrets." "I see no flags." "I see no moat full of vodka." "What I see is a giant, icy slap in the face." "Bob!" "What's that?" "I want to be able to reach you this summer when you're doing that internship." "You changed your mind?" "Here's the thing." "You and I have always had kind of an unconventional relationship, and the reason that worked was because we always tell each other the truth... until yesterday." "Julie, I lied about not having enough money to send you." "Why?" "Because I just freaked out about you leaving." "But you knew I was going away to college." "Yes, in the fall." "And I needed those extra three months to get ready." "I..." "I still have not figured out how I'm gonna get by without you." "Mom... seriously..." "I just lean on you in ways you don't even know." "I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for." "Well..." "I spend more time with me than you do, and I'm a mess." "Well, you were when dad left." "I had my hands full then." "But you've grown so much these last five years." "Really?" "You are a secure, confident woman now." "You're ready to spread your wings and fly." "Frankly, my work here is done." "Thanks." "Now I want you to have that phone on you at all times... because I'm still not sure how to work the dishwasher." "Can you help me?" "For God sake, Lee!" "It's just an ice sculpture!" "It is not "just an ice sculpture"!" "It's the sculpture and making me move to the suburbs and forcing me to be nice to your homophobic boss." "You know what?" "Tom's right." "If I don't start standing up for myself, I'm doomed." "I don't believe I used the word "doomed. "" "You're always overruling me." "You treat me like a child." "Well, I've had it!" "Ceremony's off, mein Führer!" "It's a chunk of ice, you drama queen!" "Okay... all I said was" "I don't care what you said." "We have to fix this!" "Or do you want to tell Bree that you torpedoed her ceremony?" "I did not tell you to put mums in that arrangement!" "And don't point your finger at me or I'll snap it right off." " I'll find Bob." " I'll get Lee." " You can't make me talk to him." " Yeah, I can." "Sit down." "Earlier, my husband, in an attempt to help you with your relationship, mistakenly gave you some advice, which he would now like to take back." "Tom?" "Actually, I stand by everything I said." " My mistake was in not going far enough." " What?" "If you're willing to break up over an ice sculpture, you guys should absolutely not get married." "Where the hell are you going with this?" "Because who gets to choose the ice sculpture, who should take out the trash, who has to stay home and make the mini pizzas- that's the little stuff." "What are you gonna do when the big stuff comes along?" " Could you give us a second?" " No." "What are you gonna do when a tornado hits your house, or you have problems with your kids, or one of you gets cancer?" "At some point, the crap is going to hit the fan, and that is why now, before you make the commitment, you have to ask yourself, is that person in bed next to you worth the trble?" "Do you love him... or her so much that no disease, no disaster could possibly pull you apart?" "Answer him." " Sure." " Of course I do." "Good." "Good, then... get out there and get committed, you crazy kids." "Oh my God." "Are you okay?" " You need some help?" " Yes." "Thanks for stopping." "Yes, officer." "I see you." "Thank you for coming." "Now remember, Ellie's dangerous." "So if she shows up, feel free to use excessive force." "Carlos, are you almost ready?" "Carlos?" "Did you hear me?" "I'm just getting my jacket." "Oh, honey, can you carry the house keys?" "They don't fit in my purse." "Ellie's upstairs." "What?" "She's in our bedroom." "I heard her breathing." "Call the cops." "Wait!" "She's gonna steal our money!" "You can't go up there." "It's too dangerous." "Well, not as dangerous as poverty!" "Gaby." "Gaby?" "What's going on?" "Carlos!" "Carlos, don't just stand there!" "Go get help!" "Help!" "Police!" "That's the closet!" "Police!" "Police!" "Get in here now!" "Wayne." "I don't think you've thought this through." "Shut up." "If I tell you what happened, if I don't tell you... you're gonna kill me anyway." "Who you gonna pin it on?" "We have history." "Right now I'm just your bitter, crazy ex." "But if I turn up dead, and you have no alibi- you let me worry about that." "Look, I'm having a little problem right now." "I just need to hide here for a sec." "And I don't wanna hurt you, so don't make me." "All right?" "Good." "I'm glad we understand each other." "And with your gun, too." "I guess I just found my alibi." "And now we will do the exchanging of the rings..." "Snappy ceremony, Bree." "You and Katherine really did a bang-up job." "No, I did a bang-up job." "Katherine bailed on me and left town last night." "I think you got hosed." "I just saw her an hour ago." "...at this joyous and festive occasion." "Please join hands." "She was on the run, she broke in, she stabbed you, you shot her." "Case closed." "It's like the alibi fairy left me a present." "But I do wonder... what if Dylan doesn't come back?" "We had a fight." "She said she hated me, said she was leaving... for good." "Is that the best you can do, Kathy?" "I know it sounds convenient." "But what happens if it's true?" "Because you don't have another plan." "Was the only way you couldmake me tell you the truth." "Katherine?" "It's Bree." "We need to talk now!" "That girl that was living with the Solises?" "Actually, I thought I saw her heading down that way." "Hope you find her." "I'd hate to think there was some maniac running around our neighborhood." "I'm so sorry about this." "Shut it!" "So let me catch you up." "I need to know something that only my ex-wife can tell me, but she doesn't want to." "She needs a little incentive." "So that's where you come in." "Wayne... please don't." "Yeah?" "How is it gonna feel knowing... that you could've stopped this?" "All right!" "I'll tell you." "After I left you... a few months passed, and I convinced myself that you'd forgotten about us." "But I was wrong." "How was Dylan?" "Did she behave herself?" "She's an angel." "I... just hope I didn't do something wrong." "What do you mean?" "Well, your ex-husband was here earlier, and, of course," "I didn't know it was him until Dylan called him "Daddy. "" "I" " I'm sorry, I should've called you, but Dylan was just so happy to see him." "He bught her a bicycle and a doll." "And won't let that doll out of her sight." "Katherine, what's going on?" "I was going to run again, but you didn't give me enough time." "Wayne just drove up." "Should we call the police?" "No." "Let him in." "I knew it was time to faceou and let you know you were not welcome in my home, and neither were your gifts." "Do you know how much money I spent looking for you?" "Well, I'm sure you still had enough to buy liquor by the caseload." "Look who's gotten sassy while she's been away." "Well, I think I like it." " What do you want, Wayne?" " I want my daughter back." "Why?" "You gotten lazy in your old age?" "You need somebody smaller to pound on?" "I never touched a hair on her head!" "Yeah, but now she's gotten older and sassier," "I'm sure you'll find all sorts of reasons to hit her." "I don't have to ask, you know." "I could just go up there if I want." "She is asleep!" " Get the hell out!" " I'm her father!" "I said no!" "I'm bleeding." "Profusely." "You should see a doctor." "I'll be back for my daughter." "You just understand this- there is nothing that I will not do to keep you away from her." "Nothing." "Are you all right?" "I heard a crash." "Yeah, I-I hit him with the candlestick, and..." " he went down pretty hard." " Thank God." "You know, I think now would be a good time to break out the 10-year-old scotch I've been saving." "I honestly thought it was finally over." "I don't know how I could've been so wrong." "Katherine!" "I came in to give her another blanket." "Her hand is ice-cold!" "Aunt Lily told me I couldn't go to the police." "She'd said you'd make it seem like I killed Dylan to keep you from taking her, so I let her bury my baby in the woods." "I knew I'd have to run away again, but I also knew you'd never stop looking for me, so I came up with a plan." "I found a girl in a Romanian orphanage who looked just like Dylan." "The resemblance was uncanny." "Her mother had died in childbirth, and her father had been murdered." "As I looked into those big, blue eyes, I knew right then... she needed me as much as I needed her." "I've never told that to anyone." "I even lied to Adam and said it was your fault." "And that's how I've spent the last 12 years... just telling one lie after another." "Hold it, hold it." "I'm sorry, sir." "We're having a party." "You can't park here." "So you let her die." "If you don't mind, I need you to park around the corner, okay?" "Thank you." "You let my daughter die... like a dog." "It was an accident." "Then you buried her like one." "Because I had to." "I knew if you found out, you- that I would kill you." "Katherine!" "Where are you?" "Adam!" "Get out!" "He's got a gun!" "You just watch over him for a sec, okay?" "I'm gonna call the cops." "First we have to do something to stop that bleeding." "Go ahead." "You call the cops." "Ask for my buddy Romslo... or Captain McMurphy." "We play softball together." "Those guys'll take care of me." "And even if I do a little time... you know this isn't over." "I'll get out, and I'll find you, and I'll make you pay." "I know you will." " Oh my God!" "Bree, are you all right?" " What the hell is going on?" "We don't have much time before the police get here." "Please talk." "Excuse me." "Susan!" " Come here, come here." " What's going on?" "Okay, just listen to me." "Ma'am, you have to talk to us." "We need to know what happened." "Ma'am?" "Then he raised the gun and came toward us." "Thank God, Katherine grabbed his arm and got the gun away." "That lunatic would've killed us all." "I knew Wayne was the reason she moved away, and the second she moved back, he started stalking her again." "She was always telling us how terrified she was." "We always knew he'd do something like this eventually, and he did." "Look... this was obviously self-defense." "Take the cuffs off, get her to the hospital." "Mom?" "Mom!" "Oh, my!" "I'm so sorry, Mom." ""Five Years Later"" "There's a ritual my friends have observed for years." "Once a week, they meet to play a game of cards and talk about their lives." "Of course, there's another aspect to these gatherings that has nothing to do with gossip or poker." "Every seven days, my friends are reminded of a basic human truth:" "There is nothing more important than friendships that endure, especially in a world that insists on changing." "Okay, my friends are gone." "I'm ready to fix you dinner." "What the hell are you doing?" "Hey, Mommy, we're playing fashion model!" "Look at this mess!" "You are lucky I got in here before you touched my dresses!" "Run, Celia, run!" "My Vera Wang?" "I'm home!" "Oh, thank God." "The publisher sent over the galley for the cookbook." "He needs you to proof them tonight." "I've also got the woman from the New York Times on the phone." "She wants to do the interview now." "Is that you, Bree?" "The water's getting cold." "Uh, leave the galleys in my office and tell the woman from the Times to call me back in the morning." "I'm gonna have a nice bubble bath with my husband." "Coming, Orson!" "Why is there a police car in our driveway?" "I was telling your husband we just picked up your son." "He broke into a car at the mall and took it for a joyride." "Again?" "I am so sorry, officer." "We have talked to Porter till we're blue in the face." "It's like he's determined to go back to juvenile hall." "Honey, it wasn't Porter this time." "They arrested Preston." "It's me, Mom." "I'm back from Paris." "It was just as gorgeous as you said it would be, and you're not gonna believe this." "Bradley finally asked me to marry him right there under the Eiffel tower." "I'm so happy." "Call me back." "Honey?" "I'm home." "Did you miss me?" "You know I did."