" Good evening" " Good evening sir" "I see the meaning of the word punctuality" "Hasn't yet sunk in with certain members of our class" "You see Max!" "I told you we'd be here before Professori" " Better sit down before he comes" " Okay tokay" "Good evening" "How did you get in?" "Through the window?" "You're late!" "Too busy drinking in the pub to notice the time?" "We've not been in the pub, have we Max?" "I hope you're all sitting comfortably." "Sure we've not" "Look we're coming to the school" "And we see this old lady trying to cross the road" "That's right!" "She's very old" " And blind" " Pushing a pram" "An old blind lady - pushing a pram" "Well, maybe she wasn't exactly blind" "And maybe she wasn't exactly there either" "Sure it's true" "On Max's life, we have not been in the pub" " Honest" " All right" "Hey, you left your books in the pub" " Santa Maria" " What's the matter?" "Look behind you" "Not been in the pub, eh?" "Now I remember, we were there just for a minute" "Sit down all of you" "Why you not telling me teacher is behind me you italian macaroni?" "Why you not look you spanish omelette" "All right, sit down and be quiet" "Teacher is right!" "You sit down and be quiet!" "Sit down!" "That includes you Juan" " Por favore?" " You heard" "Sit down!" "I'm getting rather tired of this continual habit of certain people being late" "Seven thirty is the time class commences" "And you should be all sitting at your desks ready to begin work" "I shan't tell you again" "In future, anyone who comes late will go straight home" "Good evening everybody" " You're late" " Oh no" "Look please, I'm being early" "It's only twenty minutes past seven o'clock" "Correction, It is twenty five minutes to the eight" "That clock is not being right" "And is my watch not being right also?" "Yes please" "Has it occured to you that your watch may be wrong?" "Oh blimey, this watch is guaranteed never to be wrong" "It is twenty one julies" " Jewels" " Yes please" "I am buying it today from market place" "You bought that watch from a stall on the market?" "Most definitely" "The man is telling me it is a jolly good bargain" "Twenty one julies and real gold case" "Eighteen turnips" " Eighteen Carats" " Sorry please" "And how much did you pay" "For this twenty one jewelled eighteen carat gold timepiece?" "Two pounds fifty pence!" "I think he saw you coming Ali" "Most definitely!" "He was seeing me before I was seeing him" "What I mean is, you were swindled" " Oh no" " You can't buy a watch for two pounds fifty" "But the man is telling me it is being so cheap" " Because it is bankruptured stock" " Rupted" "It's not going Ali" "Perhaps it needs a wind up" "There's nothing to wind up" "It's empty" "Oh blimey, I am being cheated" "Excuse me please, I go to find the crooked man" " He won't be there now Ali" " What about my money?" "You'll just have to put it down to experience" "Sit down!" "We've got a lot of work to do" "How are you coming along?" "Have you learnt any more English?" "More English?" "Yes, bloody foreigners" "Well that's a start!" "You will have to follow the lesson as best as you can" "And I will explain later" "Do you understand?" "Never mind!" "Sit down an d do your best" "Tonight we're going to look at sentence construction" "Can anyone give me a definition of a sentence?" " Me please" " Yes Su Lee" "A sentence is a gloup of words that makes comprete sense" " Very good" " For example" " Communism is only tlue way of rife" " Thank you" "Or Capitarists are enemies of peace roving people" " Or China..." " I think you've made your point Su Lee" "Now a sentence contains eight parts of speech" "Can anybody tell me what they are!" "Come along now" " Noun" " Good, excellent" " Pronoun" " Very good" "Why am I very good and she is excellent" "All right, you're both excellent!" "Anybody else?" " Verb" " Good" " Adverb" " Well done" " Adjective" " Yes" " Prepositiono" " Goodo..." "Good" " Conjunction" " One more" "Come along... doesn't anybody know what the other one is" "An interjection" "Can somebody tell me what an interjection is?" " Si senor" " Yes Juan?" " Niddle" " Niddle?" "Si, like doctor" "Interjection" " No Juan, that's injection" " It's alright" "An interjection is a word put into a sentence" "To express some emotion, such as oh, ah, hush" "We will now construct a sentence starting with a noun" "Ranjeet, could you give me a noun please" "Idiot" "Idiot?" "Surely you could have said something else" "I could have said Muslim" "Don't you be insulting me" "That'll do" "Ranjeet, you're here to learn English!" "Kindly keep your personal prejudices to yourself" " A thousand apologies" " Give me a noun please" " A waiter" " A waiter, good" "Now Max, an adjective" "Come along!" "Ranjeet gave us a noun, waiter, describe him" " Old, tall, short, thin - how do I know?" "I never met him" "Max, we're not talking about an actual waiter" "He's part time waiter" "We're trying to construct a sentence" "Ranjeet gave us a noun... waiter" "I want you to give me an adjective that describes him" " Hockay, an old waiter" " Old waiter" " With a moustache" " Just old will do" "Hockay" "We'll put a definite article in" "The old waiter" "Now we need a verb!" "Something he was doing" " Danielle" " Making love" "Can't you think of something better he could have been doing?" "There is nothing better than making love" "Something more appropriate to a waiter in a restaurant" "Bon alors!" "He served" "He served, good!" "The old waiter served..." "Now we need an adverb" " Taro" " Ah so" "An adverb please modifying the verb served" " Carefully" " Good" "Served carefully!" "Now can anyone add anything to that?" "The old waiter carefully served... fish and chips" " Two more nouns and a conjunction" " Ockay" "The old waiter carefully served two more nouns and a conjunction" "You were right first time Giovanni" " Mister Brown" " Yes Sid, what is it?" "There's a geezer out here looking for Miss Courtney" "What's that got to do with me?" "I can't find her!" "Can you have a word with him?" "Oh very well" "I want you to complete the sentence using an interjection, a preposition and a pronoun" "I'll be back in a minute" "This is him" "Are you Miss Coutney?" "Do I look like Miss Courtney?" " I asked to see Miss Courtney" " Who are you?" "My name is F... fofbes F... fortescue" " Pardon?" " F... forbes F... fortescue" "J... jeremy B... brown" " I'm an ATC" " I'm a BA Oxen" " My card" " You are an Assistant Town Clerk" " Quite so" " I see" " Miss Courtney" " Mr. Brown" "Is this another one of your foreign students?" "He's an ATC" "I don't care what nationality he is!" "It's time you were in the classroom" "Madame, my name is F... forbes F... fortescue" " He's hyphenated" " How unfortunate" "I'm here from the Town Hall!" "We've had some news from the Palace" " Victoria or Crystal?" " Buckingham" "I'm here in connection with the Royal visit to the borough next week" "As the Duke himself laid the foundation stone of this building" "It has been suggested that their Royal" "Highnesses pay a brief visit to your school" "The Queen, and Prince Philip are coming here?" " Next Tuesday" " Did you hear that Mr. Brown?" "They're coming here, the two of them together, in person!" "Him and her" "Calm down Miss Courtney" " Don't over-excite yourself" " Who's getting overexcited?" "I'm perfectly calm about the whole thing" "I've seen some strange things on toilet doors" "Boys and girls, lads and lasses, pointers and setters" "But I've never seen Dukes and Queens" " It's not for them to use" " What is it for then?" "It's Miss Courtney's idea" "She didn't wanna offend the Royal family by letting them see toilet doors" "So I've done the best thing I've disguised them" " Very diplomatic" " No, just a waste of time Mr. Brown" "They must have loos in Buckingham Palace" "Absolutely!" "Is the old battleaxe in yet?" "The old battleaxe is here" "I wasn't meaning you Miss Courtney" " I trust you were not referring to her Majesty" " Oh no" "I was referring to Gladys, the tea lady" " Here" " What's this for?" "Well it's not for sticking in your buttonhole!" "It's to wave at the Royal Couple" " Are you going to change?" " Into what?" "You surely don't intend to greet out distinguished guests in thatjacket" "Haven't you anything a little more formal?" "I've got a black tie I wear for funerals" "Here" " That's better" " I feel as if I'm going to a cup final" "Sidney, go and sweep the schoolyard" " I've swept it once" " Well sweep it again" "You wouldn't want me to go down on my hands and knees and scrub it, would you?" "Don't be ridiculous!" "It wouldn't dry before they arrived" "I think I'll go and polish the silver" "What silver?" "I brought my silver tea set in case they wanted a drink" "Perhaps the Duke prefer a trot of rum, being an ex-naval man" "I never thought of that" "He'll have to make do with sherry" "Shall I ask Gladys to make up a few ham rolls" "In case they're a bit peckish" "Ham rolls?" "You can't give royalty Ham rolls" "This is a very special occasion!" "Tell her to open a tin of salmon" "This is a very special occasion!" "Tell her to open a tin of salmon" " They won't want anything to eat" " Better to be prepared" "I wonder if we should have got a red carpet" "Why don't you go the whole hog" "And ask the music class to play the National Anthem as they enter!" "This is supposed to be an informal visit" "I don't think you're approaching this special occasion with the proper attitude" " And I think you're being carried away" " Nonsense" "This is an opportunity for all the staff and students" "To show their loyalty and devotion to our sovereign" "It's up to the entire school to make a good impression" "One never knows where it may lead" "The New Year's Honours list isn't far away" " Honour's list?" " Yes" " A knighthood could be within your grasp" " A knighthood" "Mr. Jeremy Brown" "Arise Sir Jeremy" " Mr. Brown" " Yes your Majesty?" " I beg your pardon" " Sorry, I thought you were the Queen" " Have you been drinking?" " No, just day dreaming" "Well you'd better wake up" "They are due to arrive in half an hour" " Now where are your students?" " In the cloakroom changing" " Changing?" " Yes" "I insisted on wearing the natural costumes" "Gladys!" "Gladlys, are you there?" "What?" "Blood and thunder!" "It's Rule Brittania" " Don't you like it?" " What?" " Don't you like it?" " Very patriotic" "I don't know whether to salute you or run you up a flagpole" " I've got a surprise for you" " Yeah" " Look" " Oh my God" "That should surprise the Duke" "Surprise him!" "Lt'll paralyse him" "You're supposed to courtesy not flash him your underwear" "Any of my students..." "Good heavens" "Don't say anything otherwise she'll show you her knickers" "They will come up here , won't they?" " Yes, I expect so Gladys" " I do hope so" "I think Prince Philips's lovely and I've always been fond of sailors" "Don't forget, he belongs to the Queen" "Have you seen any of my students?" "They're still changing" " Go and tell them to hurry up Sid" " All right" "I'd better get tidied up too!" "The duke might want to inspect my utensils" "Ready for your inspection Sir" "Carry on Sid" "Miss China" "Is that your National Costume?" "This is uniform of People's army of" "Ribelation as plesclibed by Chairman Mao" "You dont rike it?" "I feel it lacks a certain finish" "A belt of ammunition and a couple of hand grenades" "Miss India" "Very nice Jamila" "It is Jamila, isn't it?" "Miss Germany" " What you think?" " Very teutonic" "Miss Sweden" " Beautiful yes?" " Beautiful very" " And the clothes too?" " I was referring to the clothes" "Miss France" "What do you think?" " Tre's belle" " Merci che'ri" "Miss Greece" " Don't take the mickey" " Sorry!" "Mr. Greece" " Are you comfortable in that Max?" " It's a bit cold boss" "Mr. Pakistani" "God Bless Queen Elizabeth not forgetting the Duke of Edinberg" " The Duke of Edingburgh" " Him also" "Italy" "Are you representing Italy or the Mafia?" "I represent Sicile!" "Mr. Punjab" " Most endearing Ranjeet" " Thank you very much" "Mr. Hungary" " Very good Zoltan" " Thank you" "Mr. Japan" " Nankipoo I presume" " Ah so" "And last but not least Mr. Spain" " Professori, there still nobody coming" " Any minute now" "Come on in your places everyone" "Where's Zoltan?" " He's gone to try and find the toilet" " That may take him a while" "I'd like to stress that this visit is informal" "So her majesty may not necessarily come into this classroom" "You mustn't be too disappointed if she doesn't" "But if she does, I want you all to behave just as if she weren't here, understand?" "In view of the occasion, it would seem appropriate" "To tell you a little of the history of our British Kings and Queens" "It all started with the Norman Conquests" "I have seen that on the television!" "Very funny English play" "I'm referring to the actual invasion of England by William of Normandy" " It was 1066" " Wrong" "I beg your pardon" "1066..." "Maybe 1056" " It was 1066" " No, cannot be 1066" "Sixty minutes in one hour" "1066 is six minutes past eleven" " 1066 was the year" " It's all right" "William of Normandy, by the way does anybody know..." "What other name he was known by?" "William the..." " Concurer" " Conqueror" "Hokay" "He was succeeded by his third son William Rufus the Red King" "Oh blimey, you are having a Communist King" "No, he was called the Red King because of his red hair" "Jolly good" "William Rufus died in 1100 after being struck by an arrow in the woods" "Maybe it was Robin the Hood" "Robin the hood" "Robin Hood wasn't born then!" "He was in the Middle ages" "How can he be middle ages if he is not yet being born?" "Never mind about Robin Hood, alright?" "Oh yes, very colourful" "Sorry to interrupt Mr. Brown but they will here in any moment now" "And I thought it would be rather nice if one of your students present this to her Majesty" "I'll do that" "It is usual for the bouquet to be presented by a lady" "With that skirt, who's gonna know the difference?" "Come outside and I'll show you" "Sit down, who do you suggest Miss Courtney?" "How about Jamila?" "Jamila darling, would you come here?" "Anf for goodness sake girl, get rid of that knitting" "Now Jamila!" "I want you to wait with me in the hall until her Majesties arrive" "And then you can present this to the queen" "You courtesy first and then you give it to her" "Now let's try it" "I'm the Queen" "You are Miss Courtney" "No, no, no, Jamila!" "Come on, she's just pretending" "I am understand" "Here you are Queenie!" "You don't speak until you're spoken to and then you address her as Ma'am!" "Now let's try again" "Ah, there you are" "Superintendant, how soon the Royal Couple are here?" " They are not coming" " What?" "We've had to rearrange the schedule" "They're going straight from the hospital to the Town Hall" "We're cutting out their visit to the school" " I'd better tell Miss Courtney!" " There is no time!" "You must come with me now!" "You men, follow me" " Excuse me" " Please" "My name is Mrs Baxter" "My name is Mrs Baxter" "And my Husband has just joined your woodwork class" "Do you think I could have a word with him" " Please Sid" " No you can't" "Blimey, it's Her!" "Hang on!" "Hang on!" "Hang on!" "Don't go away" "Miss Courtney, Mister Brown!" "She's here, she's arrived, she's outside" "She can't be" "She must have come in by the back entrance" "But don't leave her standing outside Sidney!" "Show her in" "So pleased to meet you Ma'am!" "Where is your husband?" "He's in the woodwork class" "I do hope we shall meet him later on" "This is Mr. Brown our English teacher" " How do you do?" " Ma'am" "Jamila" "How kind!" "In this class, we are endeavoring to teach English to foreign students" " Excuse me Miss Courtney" " Don't interrupt Mr. Brown" " I think you should know..." " Mr. Brown" "Alright, please yourself" " Would you care for a cup of tea?" " If it isn't too much trouble" "No trouble at all" "You must come round and have a cup of tea with my husband and I some time."