"Global warming is a widespread phenomenon." "Natural and anthropogenic causes have been suggested to explain it." "The melting of ice caps, rise in sea level, and change in climate patterns bring about consequences that can influence not only ecosystems but also human activities." "With the increase in global water temperature, we now have more and stronger tropical storms and hurricanes, increasing the likelihood of lightning striking twice in the same place." "IF I WERE YOU 2" "Are you sure you want to have this baby, Olavinho?" "Honey," "I want it more than anything in the world." "If he's just the teeniest bit as beautiful as his mother..." "My dad's going to kill me." "Calm down, Bia." "Calm down." "I'll talk to him." "I know what he's going to say." "He's going to say we're irresponsible, we're too young to raise a kid..." "Your dad will have to understand, Bia." "Listen, I'll go with you, and we'll tell him together." "No." "I can't introduce you to him now." "Bia, if your dad lays a hand on you..." "Don't worry, honey." "I'll tell him." "This is ridiculous, Helena!" "You're going senile!" "So you should thank God you're getting rid of a ridiculous, senile woman!" "Would you mind telling me what's going on?" "Not now, honey, please." "Go to your room." "But I have to talk to you guys." "You'd better go, princess." "It may be traumatic to see your mother" "in this stage of madness." "You know what?" "Now you won't have to be traumatized by an absent father." "You know why?" "Because he's going to be officially absent." "You can't get divorced now!" "Calm down..." "Look at daddy, princess." "No one's getting divorced." "We're just talking about our relationship," "and that can get dangerous." "Don't be cynical, Claudio." "If there's one thing you can't do, it's talking about our relationship." "Me?" "Yes." "Maybe now, on your own, you can learn." "I can't go with this tiny suitcase." "Do you need something more personal?" "Please, Helena." "Calm down, honey." "Perhaps this record you love so much." "That's the Beatles' "White Album."" "It's a classic." "And it's vinyl!" "Don't !" "Stop it!" "Menopause!" "It's got to be menopause!" "This isn't going to be the last of it!" "It's menopause, for sure!" "It's menopause!" "Menopause..." "His mother's in menopause, his grandmother!" "Now you two are getting divorced!" "This trip to Italy..." "I spent a year planning it, and now the selfish bastard says he can't go" "because of the agency." "Did daddy say that?" "It was going to be our first vacation in more than 15 years!" "You know." "Look at the suitcase she packed for me." "I haven't worn a tie in over 15 years!" "But she was quite generous with the socks..." "Considering you might be a centipede, right?" "These are little Dennis' all nice and clean." "Here's the pillow, the comforter, the sheets, everything." "And there's cable TV and a VCR." "You're the boss." "It was a low blow, no doubt about it." "But, Claudinho, you must have done something, man." "Did you decide to stop playing house with Helena and start playing tag with the neighbor?" "Don't be silly." "I don't have time for that." "I can barely handle one woman, let alone two." "My dear Claudio de Mello e Silva, if you yourself admit you can barely handle your wife, how do you expect her to react?" "Which side are you?" "I'm on the side of a fair division of chores." "She takes care of the house, your daughter, your pantry." "The least you can do is perform you manly duties." "Because, if you don't , someone else will get the job done." "That's right!" "No..." "Helena wouldn't do that." "Claudinho, I'm an expert in getting jobs done that others have neglected." "Most of the clients I see privately are married women, whose husbands are busy with other things." "Take it easy, man." "Helena isn't like that." "She's Helena!" "What is it?" "Were you asleep?" "I can't believe you fell asleep so easily." "Weren't you the least bit upset?" "What about you?" "What were you doing?" "Were you with your lover?" "Are you crazy, Claudio?" "Admit it, Helena." "You have a lover, don't you?" "For heaven's sake!" "I had a horrible nightmare." "Great." "You and your lover were strangled by the Beatles." "Don't kid around." "I dreamed we switched bodies again." "I prefer the strangling nightmare." "Don't make jokes out of serious matters." "For heaven's sake!" "Helena, lightning never strikes twice in the same place." "Do you think a crazy thing like that is biennial?" "I hope not." "And where are you?" "At a fancy hotel with Gisele Bündchen!" "She's right here, okay?" "Great nightmares to you." "Oh, jeez!" "Good morning, Claudinho." "Didn't you say you always get to work before 9am?" "I used to." "I decided to take a vacation." "What?" "Vacation?" "That's great, Claudinho!" "Congratulations!" "I'm the one who makes things happen." "So I can do as I please." "Are you taking off to Italy with Helena?" "To hell with Helena and Italy." "I'm going to enjoy life." "Hold on, my egg's going to burn!" "I'm a beautiful, young, sexy, powerful woman, who knows what she wants," "and nothing is going to get me down." "5, 6, 7, 8..." "Let's go, everyone!" "Good." "Let's go!" "Looking good, everyone..." "Shake and shake and..." "Jump!" "Very good, class!" "I'd forgotten how good it feels to do nothing." "Don't go thinking you're going to sit in front of that TV all night." "Go get dressed, because we're going out to dinner with a beautiful woman!" "Why do we let a woman take up so much room in our life for so long?" "If you think, just because you're divorced, women will take up less room in your life, you're completely wrong, Claudinho." "The work doubles!" "I don't want any women." "Not yet." "Well, get ready, because this one is worth two." "I just said I don't want any women." "No, dude, the woman's for me!" "I'm just taking you along because the reason she's worth two is that she talks for two." "So we'll share the load, that's all." "Get dressed." "Come on, let's go!" "Don't insist, Nelsinho." "There's no way I'm going!" "Don't look so glum, Claudio." "There's life after marriage." "Trust me, I know." "But you have to get out there." "You have to be out there from Monday to Saturday." "But not on Sunday." "On Sunday, we rest..." "Like God!" "Marina is an expert in the subject." "She's been married 5 times." "You know I can't say " no" , right, Nelsinho?" "Nelsinho, answer me!" "You're like a husband!" "No!" "Yes, of course!" "I think relationships should have an expiration date." "We'd sign a contract for 6 months, renewable every 6 months thereafter, if both parts agree, of course." "Because this " forever" thing is only good for lawyers." "Honey, stop that." "How I miss my cable TV..." "Have faith in God." "You know?" "I do." "I have faith in God." "The hard thing is having faith that Claudio will change." "It looks like he got stuck in time." "Well, I think it's time to go." "I'll drive you." "No, you don't have to." "I insist." "Bye, Victor!" "Look who's there." "Marina!" "Hi!" "You guys just saved me!" "Hey, Carla." "Hi, Nelsinho." "I'm sitting at a table that even a death row inmate shouldn't have to sit at." "What is it, honey?" "Let's dance!" "I've asked for the check." "Go ahead, I'll pay." "Go on." "I don't know you." "Carla." "Carla Bond." "Hey!" "Careful..." "James." "With a license to kill." "James!" "So you like adventures, don't you, James?" "And where has this 008 been, that I'd never seen you before?" "Buried in an ad agency, working like a slave, without even looking at life around me." "So welcome to life around you!" "Yeah, but my life has been turned upside-down..." "Carla, right?" "Carla Bond." "Right." "Carla Bond." "I love my wife, but we're in a crisis..." "Do you understand that?" "I do." "I understand." "I have a PhD in the subject." "You can trust me." "I'm going to be so worried about you driving home all alone!" "It's dangerous." "Don't worry, Father." "I've been married to Claudio for over 20 years." "I'm used to driving around by myself." "That doesn't scare me." "I know you don't want any women right now, but Carla isn't just any woman." "Good luck!" "All right." "She's the perfect woman, and you've got my place all to yourself." "Enjoy without moderation!" "Just go." "Here... 2822." "Okay, it's saved." "Call me whenever you feel like it." "Okay." "It was great meeting you." "James!" "There." "My car's coming." "What's wrong?" "It's okay..." "You're tired." "Your friends went to get you a cab." "You're taking a cab, right?" "Great." "You're tired, you're upset, you're confusing things." "Take it easy." "Let's go, my child, let's go." "Why didn't you come upstairs?" "Anything's better than having to go up there." "Just because Nelsinho is a hard-core bachelor doesn't mean he lives in a brothel." "You be at this address tomorrow at 11:30am." "What's this about?" "Divorce." "Separation, for good." "I knew where this " break" business was going!" "I knew it!" "It was enough for you to make out with another woman." "What woman?" "Where?" "Do you think I'm a womanizer?" " Yes, I think so." "Maybe that is why you were always late." "Now, tomorrow, don't be late, okay?" "Good morning." "Mr. João Paulo, please." "Helena..." "If anyone saw me with a woman, that person..." "Claudio, that's what lawyers and best friends are for." "To lie for their clients." "My dear Helena, it's been so long!" "No matter how long I stay away from you, Nelsinho, it's never long enough." "Now she's mistreating my friends." "She went crazy for good." "Careful, Claudio, watch what you say." "Calling your wife crazy in your first divorce meeting might not be very good for you." "How are you?" "Oh, I get it!" "The charming João Paulo rises from the ashes." "Thank you for the compliment." "You look pretty good for your age, too." "Hey, Nelsinho, how are you?" "Shall we get to work?" "It's time." "But..." "Of course daddy will talk to mommy!" "Put her on, my little Spiderman!" "Love you." "Put her on." "What is it?" "It was a wire transfer." "Do you know what a wire transfer is?" "It isn't my fault that your manager is incompetent." "So, this is quite an " ex convention" , isn't it?" "Ex, ex, ex..." "The ex-boyfriend, who's dying to get back together, wants to turn me into the ex-husband." "Am I not right?" "He's my cousin, he's my lawyer, and he wants what's best for me, which you obviously don't ." "To each his own Cousin Basílio..." "I don't get it." "Literature never was your strong suit." "Claudio, we can't let your rivalry with me get in the way of our professional dealings, right?" "Wrong, because you're the one who's always had a rivalry with me." "Sorry to interrupt." "It's the phone call you've been expecting." "I'll call back in 15 minutes." "Thank you." "You mean to work out 20 years of our lives in 15 minutes?" "Relax." "We're here to talk about the future, not the past." "A future that's only happening because of the past." "More specifically, the day before yesterday, in front of a restaurant." "The fact is I was never with any woman at any restaurant." "The fact is I saw you with my own eyes, the day before yesterday." "You had a woman in your arms in front of a restaurant." "Me?" "And I have a witness who's very close with God." "I can explain." "No, don't ." "You explain it to him, João Paulo, please." "Okay." "Helena gets to keep the house and 50% of your agency's shares." "Hold on a minute." "What's this..." "Great!" "Don't you want anything else?" "My kidneys?" "My liver?" "No, we didn't consider including those." "But we can fix that in two seconds, although I don't think your liver is really of much use anymore." "Very funny!" "What a comedian!" "How about I slap you across that face of yours?" "How about that?" "I say we cut to the chase." "So do I." "The house and half the shares is too much." "No, it isn't ." "Too much would be 30% of his salary as well." "Exactly." "And that's exactly what we're going for." "This guy's good!" "You're the best, João Paulo." "Give me that." "" The best, the best..."" "This is preposterous!" "This is preposterous!" "Such pettiness..." "Such pettiness..." "I never thought our marriage would come to this..." "Fighting over money..." "It's sad." "It's sad." "Would you stop that?" "Would you stop that?" "For God's sake!" "For God's sake!" "Go ahead." "I'll go later." "You go ahead." "I'll take the other one." "The air is so heavy" "I'm afraid this one will fall." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "I can't talk to you." "I can't talk to you." "Lf I were you..." "lf I were you..." "Don't say those words!" "Don't say those words!" "What's going on?" "Calm down, take it easy..." "Don't freak out." "The lights went out!" "Must be under-voltage, calm down!" "Thank God Bia wasn't there to see that pathetic scene in front of the restaurant." "Don't talk nonsense." "What about you and João Paulo?" ""You're the best!"" "What a joke!" "An absent father is one thing, Claudio, but a scoundrel, making out with a tramp..." "In a public place!" "Big deal!" "Worse yet if she knew what her mommy's been up to." "Don't you dare suggest I'm not a good mother." "You're the one suggesting I'm not a good father!" "No..." "No..." "Not again!" "Not again!" "Not again..." "Don't freak out on me, Helena." "Oh, please..." "What's going on?" "What's happening?" "Come on." "Get off here." "What's going on?" "What are we doing here?" "What..." "Why..." "Why are we on the fourth?" "What's going on?" "What?" "The fourth!" "It's just a hallway!" "The 4th floor hallway!" "We were going to the street level!" "That was when you were still you, Helena, and I was still myself." "I don't want to go through that whole thing again." "For heaven's sake..." "I wasn't born a man, I'm not a man..." "And I don't want to die a man." "In fact, I hate being a man." "Do you think I like being a woman?" "Do you think I like getting a period?" "Plucking my eyebrows, getting a bikini wax..." "And these shoes!" "God must be punishing me." "What God?" "There is no God!" "There is too a God." "There is, and He's going to save us." "With His grace, on the fourth day, this will all go away, and we'll be switched back in the morning, just like the last time." "Good Lord!" "Hold on, where's your visitor's ID?" "What visitor's ID?" "Here." "This is a visitor's ID." "They gave you one when you came in." "You have to return it." "It must be in my purse." "Take a look." "Hold onto this one." "Let me see..." "Where did I put it?" "Here it is." "There you go." "Here." "Oh, your bag!" "Keep an eye on that." "Okay?" "All right." "I was getting worried!" "You took so long!" "Is everything okay?" "Yeah." "Okay, since we won't be having any homicides, can I go back to my office?" "Of course." "Good-bye, Helena." "Helena, I still believe the two of you will forget this whole business." "Now I understand you, man." "What a difficult woman!" "That's why I don't trade all of them for one." "Bye." "See you later." "What are we going to do now?" "Well, I'm ..." "I don't know about you, but I'm going home" "to take off these shoes." "The house is mine." "Not the house, not the shares, and now, not even the panties in your dresser." "I'm not going to stay at Nelsinho's brothel." "Don't worry, Helena, you're not his type." "That's not the problem." "I want my house, my daughter, my things..." "I want my panties!" "Kicking me out was your decision." "Now you have to accept the consequences, which include Nelsinho snoring." "I'm going to my house, which I never should have left." "And listen, Helena..." "Try not to wiggle your bottom." "Can you walk like a man for 4 days?" "Jerk!" "Oh, God, this key!" "Jesus..." "Where is the bathroom?" "The bathroom..." "I have to pee, I have to pee..." "Is it here?" "Here!" "No, not here." "Oh, Jesus!" "Not the same place again!" "It's coming out!" "I have to pee!" "Good Lord!" "I have to pee!" "Don't do this to me..." "Stay!" "I can't stand this anymore..." "Stay!" "I'm going to wet myself!" "Stop it!" "Stay..." "I'm going to wet myself!" "Stay up!" "Oh, God..." "Oh, my Lord..." "Hi, mom." "How was it at the lawyer's ?" "Such a good man, your father..." "And here I am, wanting to divorce him." "Why don't you just stop all that nonsense?" "Oh, princess..." "I think your mother," "I mean, I think I'm freaking out." "It must be the menopause, I don't know." "Mom, here's the thing..." "Olavinho and I..." "Olavinho?" "Who's Olavinho?" "Olavinho, my boyfriend." "Boyfriend?" "Do I know him?" "Of course you do." "You've talked to him several times." "Oh, I have?" "Yeah." "Of course I have." "The only person in the world who doesn't know this Olavinho is your father, right?" "Unless you told him." "No, I didn't tell him." "Although a marriage should be based on trust," "I don't care enough about your father to share that kind of thing with him." "Actually, mom, there's something we want to share with you." "" We" ?" "Who's " we" ?" "Me..." "And Olavinho." "Good afternoon, Mrs. Helena." "How are you?" "How old are you, young man?" "Twenty-two." "Aren't you a bit old to be dating a child?" "Mom!" "I'm not a child!" "I can vote and even get married!" "So when elections come up, you go to your polling place and elect a better boyfriend, all right?" "Mom!" "Cida, come here!" "Find something to do in the living room." "Like what, Mrs. Helena?" "Make something up!" "I don't want my daughter alone with a pedophile." "Pedophile?" "Is that the same as a pederast?" "Oh, Cida!" "I don't get it." "Your mom has always been so nice to me." "Don't feel bad." "She's upset because of this deal with my father." "He's going to be the hard one..." "You scared me!" "Helena was such a pain today, wasn't she?" "She's got every reason to be that way." "That's what I get for seeing that little tramp." "" Little tramp" ?" "Carla is one of the reasons for global warming!" "For heaven's sake!" "Carla?" "So the tramp's name is Carla?" "You don't even remember her name?" "Honestly, no, I don't ." "That's called " guilt" ." "Actually, it's called whiskey." "In any case, both are quite common among recent divorcés." "So you can imagine how guilty I feel having gone out with that little tramp." "She must be a monster in bed, right?" "Helena's better in bed than any of those monsters!" "And out of bed too!" "You know I always suspected that, Claudinho?" "But with all due respect, for God's sake." "Oh, Lord..." "No matter what happens, no matter what I look like," "I'm a beautiful woman," "a young, sexy, powerful woman, who knows what she wants, and nothing is going to get me down, even as a man." "I am a beautiful, young, sexy..." "Good morning!" "Just stretching..." "I'm so tired!" "What's the matter?" "Are you trying to look good to distract the goalkeeper?" "What goalkeeper, Nelsinho?" "The guy who shouldn't , but catches all your shots." "Oh, your soccer game, right?" "I'd love to go, Nelsinho, but I'm about to get my per..." "I have a cold." "A bad cold." "Claudinho, you're getting a little too fruity." "Maybe a little soccer, a few drinks and some babes will bring back the old Claudio." "Jeez..." "I wonder where the old Claudio has been lately?" "No philosophy, dude." "No philosophy." "From now on, just soccer, my boy!" "Forward, Arpoador Devils!" "Pig!" "He doesn't wash his hands, doesn't flush..." "Just awful!" "Aren't you going to stretch?" "Not a chance." "Why not?" "I have that problem Ronaldo had, with the knee and all that." "I'm depressed over it." "It really hurts." "I can't stretch." "What's that stuff?" "It strengthens the skin." "And weakens our friendship, dude!" "What's going on?" "You bring me to this stadium, in broad sunlight..." "This sun is harmful, Nelsinho." "And don't these men have jobs?" "Sure, but they're all at their grandmothers' funerals!" "That's not even funny, Nelsinho." "I thought the ball was coming right at me!" "I'm wide open, dammit!" "Is he hurt?" "Claudio!" "Get in there!" "Slowly..." "Get in there and show them what our team is made of!" "And get the guy!" "What guy?" "The guy who hurt me!" "Get in there!" "Outside!" "Where?" "On the left!" "Go!" "Wait, Nelsinho!" "Claudio!" "Okay..." "Go, Claudio!" "Go for it, Claudio!" "Hi, how are you?" "I'm fine." "Kick it off, Claudio!" "No..." "Kick it off!" "What?" "No!" "You kick it off." "I'll play forward..." "Defense, right?" "Claudio!" "What am I supposed to do?" "Go back!" "Claudio!" "Hurry up, man!" "Get in there!" "He's kicking this way?" "Yeah." "Hold on, mister..." "You told me to stand here." "But you can't do that!" "What a boring game!" "No, not to me." "I've told you!" "Wait!" "Wait, mister!" "Stop, mister!" "Wait, wait!" "He's the guy who hurt Nelsinho!" "Claudio!" "What?" "The second post!" "What?" "What post?" "The second post!" "Stay there!" "This one?" "Who's the second post?" "Get in there!" "Goal..." "A beautiful goal!" "Nice going!" "Claudio?" "How are you?" "Fine." "Everything's going great here." "How's Bia?" "Crazy, just like you." "Showed up with a hippie, calling him her boyfriend." "But I'm going to put an end to that real soon." "Leave them alone, Claudio." "Olavinho's a great boy." "Right, Olavinho is a great boy," "João Paulo's great, and both of you are crazy." "What about Carla, is she great too?" "Who the hell is Carla?" "Thank God we'll be switched back the day after tomorrow." "I can hardly wait." "And sign the divorce." "I can't wait either." "Your breasts are swollen." "I think..." "I can just feel your period coming on." "So you'd better put in a tampon." "Do you remember how?" "Great, Cida!" "No one makes eggs like you do." "Euclides only comes home to eat." "He owes me, too." "Bia, pass me the paper." "What's wrong, honey?" "Mom, I can't wait any longer." "We have to talk right now." "It's a matter of life or death." "Or rather, life and death..." "My probable death and someone else's life." "It's okay, honey, don't cry." "Come here." "Come on." "What is it?" "Did that Olavinho do something to you?" "No, mom." "I mean, he did, but I'm worried about what dad's going to do when he finds out what we did." "I can't do anything until I know what you're talking about." "Dad's going to kill me." "No, honey, your father's an understanding man." "Come here." "Mom, listen..." "First of all, I want you to know that I really love Olavinho." "Okay, so the news is that you're crazy." "No, mom." "The news is that I'm pregnant." "So the news is that Olavinho is dead!" "He's dead!" "I'm going to fry his balls!" "I'm going to..." "I knew dad was going to react this way, not you!" "Yeah, your dad's going to kill that bastard!" "I'm going to..." "I'm going to call your mother, I mean, your father..." "See what you've done?" "You've confused me!" "Is it true, honey?" "Bia..." "That's crazy!" "My God, you're both children, with your whole life ahead of you." "Do you have any idea what kind of responsibility a child entails?" "I can't believe this is happening..." "My baby's having a baby!" "You don't hate me, dad?" "Of course I don't hate you, honey." "I'm just stunned..." "I'm confused." "I had always dreamed of having a child, then of having a grandchild." "It's life." "But I never thought it would be like this, so unexpectedly." "I want to know how this happened." "You know, mom, the traditional way." "Olavinho and I..." "I don't want to know how that happened!" "What difference does it make now?" "Could it be that these two idiots don't know there's something called awareness and something else called birth control?" "Yeah, but we think the condom broke." "So you think that magical, indestructible material condoms are made of actually broke?" "Unbelievable!" "Honey, I don't know if you know, but condoms break, tires go flat, lightning strikes, people trip, cats meow, and condoms break, dammit!" "Helena!" "" Helena" what, Helena?" "I bet you were an accomplice all along!" "To what crime, if I may ask?" "To the death of my princess' innocence!" "You knew I was having sex, mom." "I knew, didn't I?" "And is that hippie pedophile responsible?" "Helena!" "Or irresponsible!" "Helena, Olavinho is a botanist." "They're young people in love, don't be ridiculous." "Olavinho is a gardener who thinks he's a botanist, and they're two children who think they're young people in love, and who aren't the least bit qualified to raise a child." "Mom, I don't understand you!" "Honey, let it be." "Wait until your mom's PMS goes away." "PMS?" "You think I'm PMSing?" "You haven't seen anything!" "I'm the devil when I PMS!" "She's calmer now." "Good, because I'm still having a heart attack." "Don't you dare!" "Not with my heart!" "I'll suicide you!" "The two of you betrayed me!" "This is no time to fight." "We have to help Bia deal with this situation, for God's sake." "But first we have to switch back." "This nightmare ends the day after tomorrow." "After our problem is solved, we'll deal with hers." "But, until then," "I don't want to hear a word about pregnancy," "marriage, or any of that." "Dad!" "What?" "Dad..." "Olavinho's father wants to talk to you." "Is this..." "Yeah, it's him." "Okay, honey." "Hi, this is Hele..." "This is Claudio, Bia's father." "We need to have a serious conversation, don't we?" "Finally, a reasonable person!" "Listen, I'll be available the day after tomorrow." "But I'm only available tomorrow afternoon." "I'm leaving on a trip in the evening." "I'll be out on business for the next two weeks." "Couldn't you and your wife come over for lunch?" "Jesus, what now?" "Please, Helena, don't be rude to the boy's parents." "Yeah, mom, I hope your PMS is all gone." "What PMS?" "It's menopause, remember?" "Menopause!" "What is it, princess?" "I feel sick, mom." "That's pregnant talk." "It's all in your head, honey." "Didn't you get sick when you were expecting me?" "Me?" "I don't remember." "I remember perfectly well." "Everything made you sick, especially perfume." "You threw up all the time." "It's over there, dad." "Okay." "Hi!" "Simple folks, aren't they?" "I'm so glad you took us up on the invitation!" "We were dying to meet Bia's family!" "So were we." "How are you?" "Olavinho is a great kid." "And fast, isn't he?" "And stubborn." "I've told him, instead of planting potatoes and poppies, he should take over the construction company." "Oh..." "So you're Olavo from the Barreto Soares company?" "Yes, from Dubai." "Come on in." "I had the idea of building islands over there, and the sheik loved it." "What a small world!" "So you and my mother-in-I..." "mom are friends?" "Your mom and I play bridge at the Country Club." "So of course I think Bia's a great girl, from a good family." "There are certain things money can't buy, right?" "But luckily there are lots that money can buy!" "Yeah..." "And luckily we have our husbands' credit cards, right?" "Our wonderful husbands." "Soon Olavinho will be joining that team." "He's getting a credit card?" "No, a wife to spend it." "Wait a minute..." "What wife?" "We have to set a date for the wedding, right?" "In 2 or 3 months tops." "What wedding?" "Before her belly starts to show." "Hold on." "You all agree on this crazy idea?" "Of course we do!" "No..." "Wait a minute." "It's the other way around." "We have to nip it in the bud." "Helena, please, we're a Catholic family, and, for us, Catholics, pregnancy is an accomplished fact." "There's nothing to be done about that." "Olavo, Helena is very Catholic, even if she did marry a material guy like me, who believes in work and nothing else." "Wonderful!" "Since we're all in agreement..." "They're children!" "Children who make children are no longer children!" "We have to take advantage of the impulse, the occasion, as my old man, Luiz Olavo, used to say." "Plus, their future is certain." "And I wasn't much older than him when I got married." "The first time." "They make a beautiful couple, so in love..." "The basic, an apartment facing the ocean, is already settled." "" Basic" , is it?" "Facing the ocean?" "It's my wedding gift." "We're thinking of living in the country, dad." "Yeah, a house has more room for Olavinho's plants." "Let me tell you something about marriage, honey." "Before you know it, you'll hate everything Olavinho likes." "Maybe it isn't the time to be so pessimistic, you know?" "Hold on." "If the house is the problem, we'll just buy the house and the apartment." "Sure." "You can buy some camels, too, or an island..." "An archipelago!" "Mom!" "So, Helena, can we start planning the wedding?" "Of course we can." "As a matter of fact, Helena's dream was a church wedding." "But I was a communist, with prejudice, and insisted on having only a civil ceremony." "I was immature." "That wasn't the issue." "You had your convictions." "I was the one who was frivolous, alienated, and immature." "But, in this case," "I think a civil ceremony, without all the..." "I agree." "Something simpler, right?" "Not a chance!" "This has to be a big wedding." "Our children deserve all the pomp and circumstance." "And all the rest." "We know it's expensive, but we can help out." "Please, Olavo, I insist on paying." "Doesn't the father of the bride pay for the wedding?" "So there." "The bride's father?" "Really?" "Everything." "Everything?" "Every last item." "It's tradition." "The father of the bride takes it all on." "Everything?" "Yep." "Where are you going?" "We're going home." "I'm staying, mom." "Olavinho wants to show me some plants he's growing." "That boy really likes planting seeds, doesn't he?" "Go on, son." "Well, thank you." "It was great." "You're a lovely woman." "Thank you." "It was our pleasure." "Have a good one." "Strong handshake." "It was a pleasure having you." "The kid's sowing." "Didn't I tell you he wasn't queer?" "You're all crazy!" "A bunch of madwomen!" "So, in addition to the video guy, there's a photographer, a landscaper, the ceremony, the bridesmaids..." "Is this some kind of pep rally?" "At least Bia's going to have the decent wedding I never had." "Seriously..." "A special chef for little " marry me" candies?" "That's ridiculous, Helena." "Cida makes great candy." "Don't worry, I'll pay from my share." "I'm not cheap, like you." "Don't you worry." "All that matters is my daughter's happiness." "Happiness..." "Helena, how long do you think this joke is going to last?" "Bia with this gardener." "Tell me." "I don't know, but maybe she'll be luckier than I was." "All right, fine." "I'll pay for those "carry mes" , okay?" "You can have " carry mes" at your wedding with Carla." "At my daughter's , I want " marry mes" ." "And see you tomorrow, each in their own body." "Hello." "Hey, Claudio, are you awake?" "I am now, Helena." "What do you want at this hour?" "It didn't work." "It's the 4th day, and I'm still in your body." "Man..." "What now?" "That's what I say!" "Shouldn't we postpone this stupid hearing?" "Absolutely not." "It's bad enough being stuck in your body." "I don't want to be stuck with you as well." "And don't be late." "That's all I need!" "Okay, fine." "Do what you think is best." "11:13am." "Good morning to you too." "Hi, Nelsinho." "How's Bia?" "Taking her crash course in frivolity, doing some wedding stuff." "And I'm missing it." "There's still time to forget this divorce nonsense." "We could take advantage of the nuptial atmosphere." "I don't think it's a good idea for you to get back together with a womanizer like me." "Yeah..." "But it might be worse to have to put up with" "my unpleasantness." "He'll sign!" "Of course he'll sign." "Just send the judge a box of good wine..." "He'll sign." "I can assure you." "Okay." "We'll talk later." "How are you?" "I've been thinking, doing the math, and I think we can change the agreement." "What?" "Without consulting me?" "Great, because I have a new offer for you to analyze." "Why change anything?" "I was a scoundrel." "I deserve to pay for it." "Now I like what I hear." "You do deserve it." "You haven't even heard what I have to say." "Here's my suggestion." "My suggestion is to ignore his." "We sell the house, split the money two ways, plus 25% of the agency's shares and 15% alimony." "She deserves more." "It isn't fair to the woman who stood by me so I could accumulate those assets." "But that isn't the whole picture." "I helped spend a lot of it, didn't I?" "Plus, he's going to spend a fortune" "on our daughter's wedding." "Wait a minute..." "What got into her?" "A fit of levelheadedness." "You know what?" "I don't want any more than R$4000 a month alimony." "R$4000 is excellent." "Have you gone mad?" "How are you going to live on R$4000?" "What's the problem?" "Most people live on a lot less than that." "I can get a job..." "I'm young." "I hope I'm not menopausal..." "Wait a minute." "I don't get why I'm here." "Neither do I, handsome." "As a matter of fact, I think I'll fire you." "Absolutely not!" "João Paulo stays, and I'm going to accept their initial offer." "Over my dead body!" "So there's no agreement." "If you call it by its name, it might come faster." "Unbelievable!" "You live with a guy for over 20 years, then you find out he's not only cheap, but a rogue and a scoundrel." "Nelsinho was only doing his job." "If his job was to leave me with nothing, you really got yourself an excellent lawyer." "Here we are again." "Yeah, where this nightmare began." "And where it could end." "Wait a minute..." "Last time, we didn't switch back in the elevator." "It was in bed." "Helena, it's our chance!" "Absolutely not." "That's all I need:" "To make love to you now." "Who said anything about love?" "I want to have sex." "When we were married, you didn't want sex." "Now you do?" "It's a matter of necessity." "Maybe we switched back because we exchanged sexual energy." "I don't know." "That's horrible, Claudio!" "You expect me to have sex with you out of necessity?" "Okay then, fine." "You'd rather stay in my hairy body?" "Fine." "My place or yours?" "I feel like a whore." "Come on, Helena, don't exaggerate." "I'm not just any guy." "I'm your husband, Claudio, remember?" "Come over here." "Wait a minute." "Let me have a drink first." "What's the matter?" "You have to drink to have sex with me?" "Do you see how crazy this whole thing is?" "We're getting a divorce, and I'm going to have sex with you, in my body." "Or rather, I'll be having sex with myself." "Relax..." "Try to understand." "Don't complicate things." "You men are always in such a hurry!" "You don't even wait for us to..." "Men..." "We don't have to spend" "six hours on foreplay." "But..." "Especially since you can't deny you want it." "Claudio?" "Unfortunately, yes." "Do you think we're going to stay this way forever?" "We'd better get help, talk to someone." "We can't , Helena." "There's nothing we can do until after this wedding." "We..." "We could..." "We could get back together." "What is it?" "Why are you in a bad mood?" "For no reason." "Was it something I did?" "No." "Was it something I said?" "No." "Was it something I didn't do?" "No." "Was it something I said in casual reference to something I may have done that I shouldn't have done or should have done differently, with more concern for your feelings?" "Maybe." "I knew it." "Helena, listen, I'm going crazy." "This wedding and these meetings are driving me crazy." "I don't know the difference between beige, pearl and ivory." "Listen, Helena..." "As long as we've got this wedding, come back to me." "I'm not going back just because you're colorblind." "Oh, yeah?" "Fine." "Maybe I'll send you an invitation to the wedding." "Mom, have you noticed how my boobs have grown?" "They're huge!" "Honey, I don't think I want to notice, okay?" "Our body changes after pregnancy." "That's why I had liposuction and two plastic surgeries." "Did you have any work done, Helena?" "Are you crazy?" "I'm scared enough of these pins." "I'd never submit to that chainsaw they use." "You're being a wuss, you know that?" "Whoever heard of being scared of pins?" "Mom, look at this!" "Your dress is going to look beautiful!" "Didn't you say pure silk makes all the difference?" "Did I say that?" "I must have been crazy." "It's an exploitation of the poor silkworms." "They work their butts off, then the textile industry steals what they've made and charges us a fortune for a dress we're going to wear once in our life." "Give me a hand, Helena." "I can't ." "Someone give her a hand." "I..." "I can't ." "Someone give me a hand." "It's our new collection." "Everything's so gray!" "Don't you have something more cheerful?" "Formal or casual?" "Formal, casual, informal..." "Anything new." "When you're depressed, there's nothing like going shopping." "This red one's great!" "Brings out your complexion." "I don't know..." "These pants are the latest trend and comfortable." "I have a pair." "This one is made in England." "I don't know..." "This watch is heavy." "See how light this is?" "Changes everything." "Don't you think it makes my butt look flat?" "Be honest." "Would you like a larger size?" "It's not the size." "It's the cut." "There's too much fabric." "It's too big here." "Must be the pleats." "So no pleats!" "Find something straight and long, that brings out my butt and that I can wear with a long shirt, more casual." "I think I need a scarf of a neutral color or a ton-sur-ton to break the colors." "I'll get you one." "Great!" "Go!" "Lady, throw the ball back!" "Claudio!" "Claudio!" "Yes?" "I was looking forward to seeing you again." "Do we know each other?" "Carla." "We met at the nightclub." "Carla." "Of course!" "You look good." "You've changed." "How?" "I don't know." "Less serious." "I decided to get out a little." "I love your shirt." "Do you?" "I just bought it." "At least it's bright, right?" "So tell me..." "What about the other night?" "After you left me standing there, outside the club?" "I went home, feeling like crap." "You could have told me." "I have a lot of respect for people's preferences." "My dad is gay." "Gay?" "Gay." "Quite bold of him to admit it!" "Yeah." "All right." "I know what you go through." "It isn't easy." "No, it isn't ." "I'm sorry, but it isn't ." "I'm thinking of someone else." "Let me tell you something." "My daughter is getting married." "Now listen to this, girl." "She's getting married and, as her father," "I have to take her to the altar." "I have to walk her down the aisle." "Can you imagine that?" "Beautiful!" "I can't let it show." "But you'll pull it off." "Checklist:" "Best man and maid of honor." "Check." "There are 546 guests on the list." "Is anyone missing?" "The invitations!" "We have 3 different kinds." "I like this one better." "I prefer this one, but that's okay." "Gown, veil and tiara..." "I prefer a gown with no tail, no little holes..." "Straight and smooth." "It's not a tail, it's a train." "And those aren't holes, they're French lace." "And also the drinks, waiters, security..." "We've got the limo to drive you." "Silver candlesticks." "White and pink orchids." "Hydrangeas!" "Bad luck, ends in divorce." "What about rice bags?" "Do you want me to choose the cake?" "Stop!" "I have an idea." "Listen up." "The wedding's in June, right?" "Right." "What do we have in June?" "June celebrations!" "Don't they have weddings in those?" "Yes." "Let's organize it, then." "To drink:" "A booth with spicy ginger drink, different types of drinks, colored bottles..." "A booth?" "To eat:" "Meat kabob, manioc flour..." "I'm allergic to manioc!" "Corn pudding, peanut brittle, corn on the cob, and corn porridge." "Corn porridge is a must!" "Cida!" "Your mom's joking, right?" "No." "Can you make corn porridge?" "Of course!" "Then it's settled!" "People jumping over the bonfire..." "Are you crazy?" "Then, " Going to the country." It'll be really cheap." "So?" "It's fine by me:" "Classical decoration, in white and green and a little bit of pink." "And on the stairway, we can have silver rain..." "Cida!" "I'm coming, Mrs. Helena." "Can you make some corn porridge?" "All right." "Very good, everyone!" "Looking good." "Watch your hips." "All right." "Guys, we have someone new here." "He's going to help me lead." "Let's see!" "With me now, guys." "One, two, three, go!" "Very good, class!" "5, 6... 5, 6, 7, 8." "Very good." "Now shake it!" "Let it go!" "And now push!" "Now turn!" "Beautiful." "Now round it up." "Have you always worked out?" "I did a little bit here and there." "Oh, you did!" "I'm a personal trainer." "I can go to your home, if you want." "Listen, I'm married, happily married." "Married?" "One day I'll do this bear." "Good God!" "Hello." "Dad, come home!" "Mom isn't feeling well." "Here, let me..." "I'm not going to sit and pee in front of you, especially when I have to aim at this thing." "Claudio, what's your problem?" "This is ridiculous." "No, this is ridiculous." "You should've gotten your period by now." "The Lord is our father." "Apparently, you'll be one too." "What do two lines mean?" "Claudio, you're pregnant!" "What?" "Of course I'm not pregnant." "I'm a man!" "Are you crazy?" "Have you looked in the mirror?" "Are you telling me that..." "That this is..." "Yes!" "Help!" "I can't believe it." "This can't be happening!" "It's a sin!" "Helena, it's a sin." "How can everything happen to one person only?" "Yes, we are..." "No, we aren't ." "Are you crazy?" "We aren't ." "I can't have kids." "I don't have a uterus." "You do, in perfect condition." "I get a Pap smear every 6 months." "A Pap what?" "I don't want it." "I don't want a uterus, a baby, nothing!" "Hold on a second." "What?" "Who is this child's father?" "You're not suggesting..." "I don't know, Helena." "First, you start with this divorce business, then João Paulo reappears." "What?" "Helena!" "It was obviously on the day we tried to switch back." "Don't tell me I'm pregnant with João Paulo's baby!" "I refuse to go on listening to this!" "Go!" "I refuse!" "Run to your cousin's arms!" "But don't expect me to let you raise this baby with him!" "Forget it!" "I won't !" "Can't you sleep, mom?" "No." "Let me help you." "I can't sleep either." "There." "Bia..." "How did you feel... when you found out you were pregnant?" "Well..." "I was nervous, hysterical." "But then I was happy." "Weren't you deathly afraid... knowing that that thing... inside you... would eventually come out?" "Mom, this thing is my son, your grandson." "I know!" "That little tiny person living inside you, as if..." "As if you were one of those Easter eggs with a surprise inside." "Mom... was that how you felt when you were expecting me?" "Of course not, princess." "At the time, I didn't realize... how crazy it is to carry a baby... up and down, as if you were a kangaroo." "That's awful!" "I'm not a kangaroo." "This conversation made me sick." "I'm going to throw up." "Wait!" "I'm going too." "Wait up!" "Claudio, my clothes haven't arrived yet." "What?" "They were delivered over there?" "What now?" "The limo's here." "We're really late." "The limo can wait." "Maybe you don't know, Helena, but the mother of the bride is the most important person at the wedding." "But the bride walks down the aisle with the father, honey!" "Helena, this isn't working." "I can't zip it up." "I'll have to put on a different dress." "I can't believe it." "It took you days to choose this dress!" "This is crazy." "You're right." "It doesn't fit." "I'll have to wear something else." "Do you know why?" "Pregnancy." "Don't give me that." "It's too early for that." "Take a deep breath." "This is because of all the chocolate you ate." "I can't breathe!" "Yes, you can." "Stop eating chocolate." "Hello." "Can you tell me what's going on?" "All of Rio is here." "The church is " sold out."" "Get that girl over here!" "Denise..." "Hold your horses." "Everything's fine." "Watch how you talk to me." "Oh, my God!" "I know it's fashionable for a bride to be late, but an hour and a half is too much." "Honey!" "You look beautiful!" "Wow!" "I never thought I'd say this but..." "I'd love to walk down the aisle with you." "I'm not going." "What do you mean?" "I'm not going." "The wedding's off." "What's going on?" "What happened?" "What happened, dad, is that I believed you could be happily married to someone you love." "But it isn't true." "Sure it is." "The only thing that matters in life is love." "The rest is nothing." "You're going to tell me I'm irresponsible, aren't you?" "No one's going to do that, honey." "We're only going to say you're mature enough to get married." "This marriage won't work." "Honey, how can you be sure?" "You two." "You were so happy!" "The only thing you can be sure of is that it won't be easy." "Nothing is easy, but when you want things to work out, even when things don't seem to work, life brings you a surprise." "Yes, honey." "Your mother's right." "Then why did you say those things to me in the kitchen?" "Those things in the kitchen..." "I didn't say them because of you." "Because of whom, then?" "Because of myself." "I said them because I'm afraid, because..." "I'm pregnant." "That's right, honey." "You're going to have a little brother." "Really?" "If my son is going to have a little uncle, that means you're back together." "Of course." "Of course not." "Dad, what if she doesn't come?" "Don't get your hopes up." "They pretend they're not coming, but they always show." "And what's worse is they always show, and we idiots are thrilled!" "Why did you talk to me that way?" "Denise, you're being hysterical." "I'm not hysterical." "Yes, you are." "You call all the time..." "What's that smell?" "My perfume." "It's French." "Your perfume?" "Hold this for me." "What's the matter, Helena?" "Thank you for your preference." "We're here, before God, so filled with love." "Love..." "Love..." "The love that unites Maria Beatriz and Olavo." "This young couple who have been blessed... with the most beautiful of feelings!" "Congratulations." "Congratulations." "Thank you." "Congratulations." "Thank you." "Congratulations." "Helena, I'm only here because your mother really insisted." "In fact, I'm here as a third cousin." "Come over here, João Paulo." "About that day, I'm really sorry." "You have to understand it's a woman thing..." "Hormones." "You know you've always been much more than a second cousin to me." "Helena, have you been drinking?" "Yes, I have." "I took large sips of passion for you." "Helena, even drunk as you are now, you'd never sleep with anyone other than Claudio." "I don't know what you see in that bore, but..." "He's definitely the man of your life." "Helena, right?" "Nice to meet you." "My name is Carla." "Claudio, your husband, invited me here." "The ceremony was beautiful, touching." "I cried so much!" "It's true." "It really was beautiful." "Nice to meet you." "João Paulo de Carvalho." "Carla Bond." "Now that you've been introduced, watch out for this Bond girl." "Where did he learn to dance?" "Doesn't he look gorgeous?" "Later on I'll dance with him," "Claudio will dance with his daughter, and you'll dance with Helena." "What can I do?" "That woman's very strange." "And then you'll dance with me." "I know." "I want to dance!" "You're leading." "See how life is..." "Bia's all grown up, got married, is moving out, and we're having a new baby." "Claudio, are you sure you want to be a mother?" "Yes, even if I have to give birth, which now seems inevitable." "I'll be there, in the delivery room, holding your hand." "I can bear anything, Helena, except being away from you." "Do you want me back because you're pregnant?" "I want you back because I love you." "Everybody!" "Everybody!" "If you want to be the next one to get married, this is your chance!" "It's mine!" "Claudio?" "Helena." "Helena!" "Renewable every 6 months." "What if I..." "If you do half the things you promised," "I'll sign on for 2 years." "Honeymoon in Italy?" "Pregnancy and carbs, are you crazy?" "Totally!" "Totally crazy over you!"