"I'm forgetting something..." "Krishna!" "Breakfast is ready!" "Hurry up and come down." "Dude!" "What's going on?" "Jesus Eric!" "You scared the shit out of me." "I thought you were my mom." "Did you get everything into my car?" "Yeah!" "I never realized I had so much shit." "Tell me about it." "Come on." "Give me a hand with this stuff." "I want to get out of here before my mom starts all her religious crap." "Hey, I finally got in touch with somebody from the housing office." "And found out why they wouldn't let us room together?" "What lame-ass excuse did they give you?" "Check this out!" "This year they decided to try some new policy of housing people by major." "It's like kindergarten, remember that." "When they grouped us by animals." ""This table is for the Giraffes  that one's for the Kangaroos"" "Have you ever noticed why dumb kids sat at the Otter table." "Every dumb ass, I've ever met, always sat at the Otter table." "I think they were trying to be nice by not calling slow kids to their face." "Hey..." "I was at the Otter table?" " Really." "Aww!" "Come on Mom!" "You said you weren't going to make a big deal about this!" "Krishna beta, you know your mother." "Leaving the house is leaving the house." "No matter where you go." "Just let her do her puja." "Mom!" "No that's okay Kris." "I need all the help I can get." "Dad!" "Mr. Reddy!" "Thanks for all your help with calculus last year." "I really appreciated it." " Mention not, Eric." "Take care at school and keep an eye on Krishna." "Make sure he keeps up with his studies." "Wow!" "Eric, let's go..." "There he is." " Hello, Krishna." "Good luck, Krishna!" "Don't forget to call us." "So Krishna beta." "This is the big day for you." "Best of luck to you son." "Thanks a lot Uncle." " That's okay." "Carry on." "Mr. Reddy!" "So good to see you again!" " Eric!" "Good to see you too." "Best of luck to you college too." "Good luck in college, brother." " Thanks." "Don't worry mom." "I'm just a couple of hours away." "Good luck Krishan bete." "Don't forget to call us when you reach the college." "You know your mother will not eat until she hears from you" "Thanks pop." "Yeah!" "I won't forget." "Come on dude, let's go..." " Finally!" "I thought I'd never get out of there." "My shoes are Japanese, This Pantloon is British." "Oh man!" "C'mon Dad!" "?" "Sir my Cap is Russian, But still this heart is Indian." "Dude, was that the new one from Third Eye Blind?" "Ha..." "Ha..." "Hey very funny." "Bye Krishna..." " Bye..." "Bye son" " Call us." "Freedom." "Freedom..." "Freedom..." "Hey!" "I'm hungry." "Your mom give you any of her spicy balls?" "Don't ever say 'spicy balls', 'yourmom'in thesamesentencetome." "Did your mom got any?" "I'm hungry!" "No!" "That's the last thing I need." "I'm finally out of the house, man  I'm never going back." "Hey Kris." "I've been thinking about that ceremony your mom performed." "Look man," "Don't ask me to explain anything about it." "I just wait there till she finishes it" "She was blessing us right?" "I mean, we're not married or anything, are we?" "What?" "I'm just asking." "I saw this documentary on the Discovery Channel." "And they said the dot was the symbol of marriage." "Well, whatever it means, if I were you," "I'd wipe that shit off before you start attracting the Hare Krishnas." "Hey Kris, I got a feeling we gonna have a lot of fun this year." "I don't know what, but I get the same feeling man." "Well, Thanks for the ride man." " No problem." "What's a husband for?" "Are you okay yaar (friend)?" " Ouch." "Yeah I'm fine." "Hi, my name is Jagjit Singh." " Whoa!" "Kris." "Kris Reddy." "Oh Chris!" "So, where are you staying?" "I mean, obviously your in Raritan, but which room?" "I'm in 345" "What do you say yaar!" "So am I!" "I guess we'll be room partners." "Let me help you with your stuff roomie." " No that's alright." "You don't..." "Arey!" "Don't worry yaar!" "I'm already settled." "My parents helped me move in this morning." "Wait a minute, let me get my stuff." "Come on." "So Chris." "You must be a last minute change?" "I didn't see your name on the door." "By the way, I took the bed on the left." "I hope you don't mind." "I like to paint and the sun shines on the left side of the room." "It gives me inspiration." "What's that smell?" "Krishnagopal Reddy!" "That is you?" "!" "But what is this Chris!" "Oh!" "I get it." "Kris with a K!" "Top yaar!" "Makes it easy for the goras!" "You should see how they pronounce my name..." "Marry her chutiya (ass-hole)!" "You're not going to get anyone better." "Hey Salim!" "Look!" "This is Krishnagopal Reddy." "He's going to be our room partner." "Krishna." "This is Salim Ali Khan." "Hello Krishna." "How are you?" "Hey who would you make a better wife?" "Rekha or Shabana Azmi?" "Rekha right?" "Listen, the name is Kris." "What the hell was that!" "Yo, Yo, Yo Jagjit." " What's happening man?" "Bhai-sahib." "You!" "You got a toolbox or some shit I can borrow?" "I gotta hang up my surround sound." "Ajay." "Check it out!" "This is Krishnagopal." "He's going to be room partner." "Wat up bro?" "Ajay Pandya's the name." "Jessee Krushna man." "Listen!" "I gotta go get some more speaker wire." "So where's my sneakers at?" "Don't ask." "I don't know either." "Alright!" "Who's hungry?" "My mom made some fantastic chicken tikka masala!" "Get that shit out of my face man!" "I don't believe this." "(knock) Come In." " Ajay?" "Hey Salim." "Do you remember that episode of Gilligan's Island when," "They were all kidnapped and their personalities were switched?" "I know what you mean." "Somewhere in Jersey, there's a black guy, driving around in a" "Honda Accord and praying to Lord Ganesh." "Hey, hand me the cello tape yaar." "Oh!" "My piece of the moon." "Have you seen a more beautiful vision, Jagjit?" "Rekha!" "Did you see, 'Umrao Jaan'." "A classic film yaar." "A classic film and a classic woman." "To find a wife like that is all I ask of Allah." "So beautiful." "So pure." "Yeah..." "Hey!" "Didn't she play a prostitute in that movie?" "Ah bay!" "Shut your mouth sala!" "Don't talk about Rekha like that." "Sorry." "Yo Krishna!" "Wanna check out the bookstore with us man?" "What?" "We're going to get our textbooks." "Do you want to come?" "No thanks." "Come on Krishna!" "Look, my name is Kris!" "K-R-l-S!" "Is that so difficult to remember?" "Just leave me alone, okay?" "I don't feel like getting my books right now." "Okay!" "?" "Come on guys, let's go." "So what's up with Krishnagopal yaar!" "?" "My name is Kris, K-R-l-S." "If he has a problem with the color of his own people," "It isn't my bloody problem." "May be the coconut bhaisaab is color blind," "And God stuck your prophet ass here to enlighten him." "Did you see his face when you whipped out that stank chicken!" "Niggah went crazy, yo!" "My mother cooked that chicken, ben-chod." "Who knows?" "Maybe he's never lived away from home." "You should have seen my house this morning." "My mom just kept crying." "She wanted me to go to community college so I could stay at home." "Yeah?" "Well I'm anxious too, but" "You don't see me actin' like a biatch!" "You don't need to act, you're the genuine article, okay?" "Yo!" "I just got two words for you bro..." "TERI GAND." "Eric... phone" "Thanks man." "Yello?" "GET ME OUT!" "Kris?" "Dude!" "What's going on?" "So?" "How's your new pad?" "You get cool roommates?" "Not!" "You're not going to believe this." "They're all Indian!" "Every single one of them." "This place smells worse than my house." "You've only been there a couple of hours." "How bad could it be?" "How bad could it be?" "Well let's see." "Bachelor number one, who hasn't shut up since, I got here." "He thinks, we are some long lost brothers from the old country." "Bachelor number two has already managed to permanently stink up." "The place for good with his mom's cooking." "And bachelor number three thinks, he's some reincarnation of MC Hammer." "Okay that sounds pretty bad." "Hey Eric, do me a favor?" "Switch with me." "What are you nuts?" "You should see the girl across the hall from me right now." "But, they'll be tons of spicy balls?" "I got to go." "I'll talk to you later man." "Hey Salim?" "What would you give as a wedding present to someone?" "Wedding present!" "For who?" "Well, my brother is getting married" "Next month and I can't think of anything to get him." "Yo!" "How about this?" "Knowledge is Power!" "Man." "Ajay!" "I'm not giving my brother a copy of the 'Kama Sutra'." "Put that back before somebody sees us." "Yo!" "Yo!" "Are we the Shaboinking people or what?" "Hey Salim did you see the movie 'Kama Sutra'?" "Rekha was in that one too, wasn't she?" "Yeah." "She was so amazing in that." "I only hope my wife looks as good when she gets to that age." "Didn't she play a prostitute in that one too?" "Listen, chutiya!" "This is the last time I'm going to tell you..." "Oh no wait!" "She played a teacher." " Yeah." "She taught the others how to be prostitutes." " Sala!" "You should tell your brother to file using a fiance visa." "Your bhabi can come over much faster than with citizenship visas." "I don't think Queen's residents need a visa to come to Jersey." "She's from here?" "Oh!" "Then may be you should get an Indian cook book," "Unless your brother likes eating out." "You should see one of my cousins she lives here." "She tried to make some rice." "She burnt the whole thing." "I mean, come on yaar, how hard is it to boil rice." "At least with a girl from India, you know she can cook." "So, that's what you're going to do?" "Go back to India to get married?" "Of course!" "I've got it all figured out." "Once I get Masters and settle into a job, my parents'll start the ball rolling." "They know a lot of people in India." "Who wouldn't want to marry a Green card holder." "You wouldn't even consider an Indian girl from here?" "No way." "I don't need all that headache when I come home from work." "Salim!" "Let's go out for dinner again." "I'm too tired to cook." "I work too!" "Come on yaar!" "Not all Indian girls here are like that." "You've seen them!" "They're always hanging out at the parties with those goras." "I mean, when would they learn how to cook a decent daal?" "Whatever!" "Come on." "The line is getting longer." "I would like to pay for these by credit card and these by cash please?" "Yo!" "What up with the partition?" "Are those Pakistani brushes?" "The credit card bill goes home to my dad." "Yeah." "So?" "Let's just say, my dad doesn't take too kindly to "foolish" things like art." "Come on!" "Nahi yaar, I'm serious." "If he found out, I bought this stuff, He'd put my balls in a sling." "Oh my brother!" "You are oppressed." "Excuse me, is this room 1123?" "Is this Intro to Engineering?" "Good morning students." "My name is Professor Rosenstein." "Welcome to Engineering..." "Engineering is a difficult field and requires hard work and dedication." "Please take a moment and look at the person to your right and to your left." "One of you three WILL fail!" "Two T.A. S will assist me this semester." "They will answer any questions you may've about my lectures" "And they will grade the assignments." "The first T.A. Is Mr. Pan Bi Yong." "The other T.A. Is Mr. Gautam Rao..." "Oh man, a desi T.A., he's going to be tough as shit." "Hmm..." "It seems Mr. Rao hasn't arrived yet." "He's probably running on Indian Standard Time." "Watch him stroll in at the end of class." "Based on 3 items, your Mid-term exam, final exam  weekly test  assignments." "Your assignments will be due at the end of every week." "I want them typed and delivered to my office no later than 4pm on Fridays." "Professor?" "Is it alright if we e-mail them to you, professor?" "No." "E-mail is for Computer Science majors." "This is an Engineering curriculum." " You see that..." "You see how disrespectful she's to the Prof.?" "That's what I was talking about." "Can you imagine coming home from a hard day at work to that kind of nagging?" "If you fail in one area, you don't move forward." "Okay class, that's all for today." "Be sure to read the first 3 chapters for next week." "There may be a quiz." "Well Mr. Rao." "Nice of you to join us." "Next time perhaps you could actually attend the class." "Class is over?" "Hey, let's get some lunch." "I'm starving." "I hear that, yo!" "I hear that, yo!" " Hey, let's go  get some lunch, ya?" "Excuse me!" "But of course!" "Madam probably has a toga party to go to." "Hey Eric!" "What's up?" "Did you see that?" "He just blew us off." "I'm told he doesn't like us, sala." "He probably just didn't see us." "Give the guy a break." "He had no problem zoning in on the gorls." "That's for sure." "Hello everyone." "God damn!" "That's your lunch niggah!" "No wonder people in India are starving you got all the food." "So, how did everyone like this morning's lecture?" "If you have any questions, you can visit me in my office." "I am always there." "Yo man, Is the professor really going to quiz us next week" "Or is he just shitting us?" "Oh no." "I would recommend you read those chapters." "Professor Rosenstein is a very serious teacher." "So what're you gonna do about your roommates man?" "You mean 'room partners'!" "What can I do?" "What's wrong with your roommates?" "He got stuck with a bunch of crazy Indians." "Really!" "My brother lived with some Indians." "Out in New Mexico a couple of years ago." "And he told me they love to get drunk, and naked and dance around in the moonlight." "You can take it..." " No that's alright." "Go ahead." "Thank you." "Have to have a lot of ketchup with my home fries." "You look familiar." "Have I seen you somewhere?" "Probably in Engineering class this morning." "Oh!" "That's right!" "Oh, I can't believe he's such a dinosaur!" "I mean, Hello!" "We can't email our homework assignments?" "Come on!" "I bet he still uses a slide rule." "Actually, I agreed with him." "Oh... by the way, my name is Farah..." "Saeed." "Salim Ali Khan." "Salim!" "That's such a beautiful name." "Where is your family from?" "Mirzapur... it's a small town near..." "Varanasi!" "I know." "I grew up near Varanasi." "My grandmother is from Mirzapur." "No way," "Yeah way." "I gotta to go." "Bye." "What about your ketchup?" " I changed my mind." "Bye." "Hey, so who's up for the party tomorrow tonight?" "What party?" "The Freshman Orientation Party!" "It's gonna be the shit!" "Dope music!" "Squizahs to the left and rizight." "Yeah sure." "Why not?" " Dope!" "I don't know if that's such a good idea." "You heard what Gautamsahib said, Professor Rosenstein is very tough." "We should study for that quiz." "We should study for that Quiz..." "What you talkin' bout Salim?" "Don't sweat the books, yo!" "We got all year for that." "Okay, okay, I'll go but I'm not going to stay too late." " (slurping)" "Hey so you girls going to the Freshman Orientation Party?" "Like of course." "Hey dude, why don't you invite your roommates?" "What are you on crack?" "Why have to do that?" "To break the ice." "Maybe they'll loosen up  you'll get to like them?" "No!" "I don't think so." "Thanks." "Look at this place!" "Can you believe there are this many freshmen?" "It's going to be tough yaar." "We're going to study much harder to beat the curve." "You are a goddam party, bitch!" "Forget the curve, Let's meet some desi booty yo!" "Speaking of desi booty, check her out?" "Yo man." "She smiled at you!" "Go talk to her." "No way yaar!" "She's that crazy girl from our class." "Salim!" "It doesn't get much easier than this in life." "Come on." "Yeah!" "I'm sure she calls every guy she sees." "Come on." "She's coming..." "Hi Salim." "Hi Farah." "So, how come you took off this morning?" "Was it something I said?" "No, I just had to catch up with my friends." "They were leaving." "Oh!" "Well?" "Well what?" "Aren't you going to ask me to dance?" "Oh no!" "I'm not much a dancer." "Oh!" "Come on..." "So what do you think?" "Wowee boss!" "I can't believe we are here." "Wait till, I tell the guys in home room." "Top shelf." " First class." "Hey Boss?" "May be get something to drink." "You know something like coffee," " Tea...," "Chai..." "Limca..." "lemonade." " Or Johnny Walker?" "BLUE LABEL!" "I can't wait to graduate next year." "Then we can all come together yaar." "Hey let's go  check out the DJ table." "Maybe we can steal some of his compact disc." " Cool Runnings man!" "Good Movie!" "Let's go." "Relax chutiya!" "Show some class chodu!" "This is not some high school party!" "You should be happy I let you guys come with me." "Oh we are, Boss!" "We are so happy." "What did I tell you about touching my jacket?" "Didn't I say not to touch it?" "Do you want to go back to Raymonds in Bombay to get it pressed?" "Sorry Rakeshbhai." "Very bad..." "Dude!" "See that girl over there by the punch bow?" "That's the girl from my Engineering class." " Yeah!" "I hate to do this to you buddy, but." "I think this is going to be a solo mission." "I've got a line I've been dying to try." "What do you mean?" "I thought I was your wing man." "You are." "Consider this a reconnaissance mission." "Alright, but don't forget I told those two girls to show up." "Yeah, I won't, I'll be back." "Famous last words." "Hi, buy me a pizza?" "Excuse me?" "Buy me a pizza?" "Buy you a pizza?" "Yeah." "I'm really hungry and I'm totally tapped out of cash." "And there's a great pizza place around the corner." "So I was wondering, if you'd buy me a pizza?" "No." "Are you crazy?" "I'm not going to buy you a pizza." "And I don't know if you know how this works but." "You're supposed to be buying me a Pizza?" "Okay." " Okay, what?" "I'll buy you a pizza all you had to do was ask." "Wait a minute." "Just that you were tapped out of cash." "Well I am." "But it's not everyday a beautiful girl like yourself" "Asks a guy like me out for a pizza." "Trust me, I will find a way to scrape together the money." "Cute." "Very cute." "I don't think I've ever heard a pickup line that devious before." "I may have to try it myself sometime." "So, you're in Professor Rosenstein's class, right" " Yeah!" "Intro to Engineering?" "I saw you this morning." "You were sitting in the third row fourth seat from the left, my left." "I was sitting in the back." "My name is Kris..." "Kris Reddy." "I'm Nina." "Uh..." "I think I've to go." "Jagjit is calling me." "JAGJIT!" "I'M COMING!" "I do have ears underneath man." "So how do you like it here so far?" "It's really different from high school, huh?" "I'll say!" "It's a little scary but..." "At least I don't have to worry about my parents when I get home late." "How about you?" "You like it?" "Oh definitely!" "Although I'm not to thrilled with my room assignment." "Oh!" "What?" "Roommates." "Got stuck with bunch of weirdos, huh?" "What, Neo-Nazis?" "Pot-heads?" "No, nothing like that." "Its just..." "They're all Indian." "You don't like Indians?" "No, I mean I Yes I do my parents are Indian." "But they always used to drag me to these cultural events when I was kid, you know?" "And man are they boring." "And I find thought when I came to college I'd be out of that stuff through with it..." "You know?" "Sounds like you got a raw deal." "Yeah right!" "Trust me." "You can't imagine how it is." "No, I don't suppose I can." "What's up Kris?" " Krishna" " How it's going man?" "I was doing fine till now." "Oh!" "Let's go guys!" "Can't you see," "He's trying to pick up this chick." "But this girl can't be picked up that easily guys!" "What's the matter?" "You look like just seen a ghost." "I didn't realize you were Indian." "Why?" "Is that a problem?" "No." "Not at all." "All that stuff I said, must have sounded kind of..." "I mean you just don't look or sound like an Indian." "I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult." "Hey Nina." "Who's your new friend?" "Oh Rakesh, Hi." "This is Krishna." "Krishna Reddy." "Krishna, this is Rakesh Patel." "We went to the same High School." "Yeah, we go back a long way." "Our parents have known each other since before we were born." "Yeah, we practically grew up like brother and sister." "Hey Boss!" "Check it out." "HEMANT and CHANDU INCORPORATED." "Bloody fool!" "Why don't you watch where you're going?" "Sorry boss..." "Rakesh Relax." "It was just an accident.?" "That ben chod ruined my Raymond's jacket." "Do you know how much it cost?" " A lot?" "Lot only?" "Wait." "I'll go get a napkin, don't worry." "KYA MAAL HAI, HUH?" "What?" "He said, "Nice titties"." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I thought you were Indian." "You know, Rakesh, I don't know why you're all upset about?" "I think I saw this jacket at K-mart the other day for ten bucks." "Why don't you buy yourself another one?" "K-Mart!" "It's cheap." "Bad." "What are you laughing at!" " What're you..." "Hemant?" "Wait up!" "Oh man!" "Gross!" "Salim, bhaiya!" "You know I respect your religion and all," "But one of these days, someone's gonna get hurt." "What?" "Never mind." "Well!" "Hey Salim, listen to this." ""The Indian Club is holding its first meeting of the year." "All are invited to attend at the main hall at 7.30 pm." "No IST"" ""The Indian Club is dedicated to promoting Indian culture and organizes," "Various events throughout the year, including..." "A Diwali Show, Bhangra Night, and Navratri Garba"" "Garbas!" "Yo, I'm down wit dat!" "Where my dandias(sticks) at." "Put on some clothes for God's sake." "I am trying to praying over here?" "Oh, sorry Yo, I thought I felt a draft." "So, what up with the Indian club?" "Are we going?" "Sure!" "Hey Kris!" "You want to go to Indian Club Meeting, tonight at 7:30 pm." "Yeah Right." "Yeah but I thought he'd want to see Nina." "She'll probably be there." "So when did you realize you were Van Gogh's reincarnation." "I've been painting since I was a kid." "I always got in trouble for drawing in class." "So you figured Differential Equations, Thermodynamics..." "And Quantum Physics would free the artist within?" "Why not major in Fine Art or Painting?" "Yeah." "You try to explain that to my dad." "He's already talking to some of his friends," "Trying to get me a job in their construction companies." "Why don't you just tell him that inside you are not an Engineer." "If I tell him that, he would take out his sword and cut my balls off." "No way man." "Nobody in my family has the courage to stand up to him." "He doesn't listen to anybody." "Hey not bad." "Only 30 minutes late this time." "You're getting better, Sahib." "Hello class!" "Let me take a quick attendance check." "And then we will start with today's lesson." "Jesus Alvarez?" "Jesus!" "It's pronounced 'Hey-zoos'." "But it is spelled with a 'J' in my book." "The J is silent man." "Oh Okay." "Very good." "Salim Ali Khan" " Present." "Mary Fuller..." "Here." "Jagjit Singh." "Honathan Scott." "It's Jonathan." "J" "What happened to the silent 'J'?" "It's not silent." "I think there are more exceptions than there're rules in English grammar..." "Oh Shit!" "Does anyone have a rubber?" "Jesus, Do you have a rubber?" "Miss, You must have a little rubber in your purse, na?" "I need a little rubber." "Who has a rubber?" "Yo bhaisaab, It's called an eraser dawg." "Krishnagopal Reddy." "Here." "The name is Kris." "Excellent." "Well let us begin by reviewing the Professor's lecture notes." "I don't believe it." "A QUIZ!" "In our first week." "I told you." "Hey check it out guys." "I've been talking to some of my homie's right." "And the word on the street is EVERYBODY's gonna be at the Indian Club meeting..." "And you know what that means..." "What?" "SQUIZAHS!" "Hi guys." "Hi!" "Nina." "How's it going?" "Oh hi guys." "Fine." "So where's Kris?" "Oh, he's probably with his gora friends." "We were just talking about the Indian club meeting." "Are you going?" "Yeah." "How about you guys?" "Definitely." "Is Kris going?" "Yeah." "He's gonna go to an Indian club meeting..." "Come on." "Okay" "See you." "Hey Beta Beta Beta is having a kegger tonight." "You wanna go?" "I hear they make you do some crazy shit." "Let me see that." "So?" "Um... no." "I'll have to pass." "Aw, come on man!" "Don't you want to see what it's like?" "Remember 'Animal House'?" "Toga!" "Toga!" "Toga!" "Yeah I know but I really got to get some homework done tonight." "Seriously The rest of the week is shot for me." " You suck!" "Welcome to the first meeting of the Indian club." "My name is Priya and I am the President." "The association's goals are to promote Indian culture in the University." "And we achieve these goals through various events." "We have our Diwali and Holi Shows," "Where students get to show off their acting talents," "And then we have our Bhangra Night," "And our biggest event, the Navratri Garba." " Look, who decided to show up." "I knew it, I had this feeling inside, he wanted to come." "Not even the Prophet Mohammed could've forseen this one." "Krishna!" "Kris!" "Yaar!" "Bhaiya!" "We only have three weeks to get this organized" "So I'd like to start getting volunteers for the committees right now." "So our most important area is in decoration." "We need volunteers to help with the decoration of the hall!" "Oh!" "You!" "Thank you, thank you very much." "We need people to help with promotions." "How about you in the back, second to last row?" "Thank you very much, thank you." "Finally, we need volunteers, help to pick out the songs." "Yes, you." "Come on yaar!" "Gimme a break." "I don't know anything about Indian music." "Come on, I just came to talk to her after the meeting." "Pagal!" "This is your chance." "Don't blow it." "Just volunteer." "You don't need to know anything about Indian music." "We'll help you." "Oh you... in the back..." "What is your name?" "UH..." "KRIS Krishnagopal Reddy!" " Thank you KRIS" "Wow!" "This is great." "We've never had so much participation." "I think this is going to be great Year." "The theme for this year's garba will be the Leela Raas." "Now, we need to look at some popular Hindi movies to get songs." "How about 'Mere Sapno Ki Rani'" "Oh yeah!" "How about 'Taal se taal mila.'" "Oh that's one of my most favorite songs." "And we can't forget 'Kuch, Kuch, Hota Hai'." "Of course, and "Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast..."" "Oh my God!" "There are so many songs." "How are we going to choose?" "Let's watch Hindi movies to get ideas." "Yes, does anyone have a VCR?" "Oh!" "I do." "And I have some Indian tapes too." "Do you Really?" "Which ones." "Uh well, I have that... greatest hits video of that actor." "You mean 'Johnny Walker's Greatest Hits'" " Uh Yeah!" "That guy." "Great!" "Why don't we get together tomorrow at your place and watch it." "And I'll pick up some more tapes from the video store." "I've to submit to this to the President." "Are you going back to the Quads?" "Yeah!" "Hurry up and I'll give you a ride back." " Alright good." "Johnny Walker's Greatest Hits." "That's so funny." ""Malish..." "Malish..." "Tail Malish"" "What's your problem?" "I got no problem ABCD?" "What did you call me?" "ABCD! "An American Born Confused Desi."" "Who are you calling confused?" "You..." "Nina's mine." "You got it?" " Hi!" "Guys, hey Nina!" "Let's go, get some lassi." "Okay, bye Kris." "Yo!" "You mind." "Little privacy in here" " Sorry man..." "Sorry." "I don't have any clue about Indian Culture." "This guy Rakesh rattles off Indian songs, movies like crazy." "Have faith in God yaar!" "Why do you think you got put into a room full of Indians!" "Alright Swami." "Hurry up, let's go." "Get ready." "We should go to library." "Salim, I can't today." "I have to get started on these designs for the Garba." "I told them some of my ideas last night." "They want me to decorate the whole place!" "THE WHOLE PLACE YAAR!" "I can't screw that up." "Hey listen, you go ahead, I'll catch up with you later." "Congratulations man!" " Well you know... shit!" "Hold the elevator." "Hold it." "Salim!" "Oh My God." "Hey, What did you get for problem 3?" "I keep getting 12.87 repeating." "Hey," "What?" "What do you get for 3?" " I..." "I..." "I don't know." "What are you doing?" "I'm Just finishing up this shell for the garba." "You know mid-terms are coming up." "Are you going to be ready?" "Arey don't worry yaar." "I just need to finish 1 or 2 more things." "Then, I'm here." "So Salim, yaar." "How's it going with Farah?" "Have you gotten any of the booty yet?" "Please!" "That's the last booty I would ever touch, Okay." "Oh no!" "Here we go again with the corrupt Indian girl routine again." "That's right." "All Indian girls raised in America become corrupt." "You saw Farah at the party!" "The way she was dressed." "I can just imagine if her daddy saw her." "Poor guy would have a heart attack." "Why don't you give her a chance, Salim." "Maybe, there's more to her than that." "No way!" "She's been hunting me down like anything." "Everywhere I turn, there she is." "In class, at the dining hall, at that stupid party." "I'm already feeling like I'm married." "Pretty soon, she'll be asking me to hold her makeup." "So?" "What movies did you get?" " Oh!" "I got a couple." "I got 'Aradhana', 'Sangam', and 'Tere Mere Sapne'." "Do you have any preference?" "I've seen the first two." "So?" "'Tere Mere Sapne'." "That's one of my all-time favorites." " Yeah." "I was going to suggest 'Sangam' because it's closer to our theme." "But if you've already seen it..." "No..." "No, you're right, I mean right." "That one is definitely closer to our theme." "And its a classic, right?" " Yeah." "Okay, let's see that one." "Hey guys..." "Ready to watch the films?" "Which pictures did you bring, Nina?" "Well I got 'Aradhana', 'Sangam', and 'Tere Mere Sapne'." "Alright. 'Sangam' is the one we have to see." "That picture is closest to our theme, no?" "Yeah, that's what I was telling Kris." "Its closer to our theme." "So Yeah!" "You guys want to go watch the movies?" "Yeah!" "Let's go." " Chalo?" "This is going to be fun 9 hours." "It's driving me crazy." "Look!" "That looks like the Swiss Alps?" "Weren't they just in Bombay?" "Hey." "It's been ten minutes." "Aren't they due for another song and dance sequence?" "Oh good." "I was starting to get worried." "What is this?" "The next day?" "They've all changed clothes." "I've seen porno films with better story lines, honestly... what?" "Good job, yaar." "Insulting Hindi films and admitted to watching porno." "May be next time you can casually mention your bout with gonorrhea?" "It's not that difficult, Yaar." "You just have to learn to be a little sensitive to her needs." "Nina's a smart girl." "You can't take her for a fool." "She's not going to forgive that easily." "Well, what if I take her out to dinner." "You know to smooth things out?" "You guys know any good Indian restaurants in the area?" "I've got a better idea." "Why don't you cook a romantic, delicious Indian dinner?" "Yeah, like I can cook Indian food." "I can barely break the bread with my hands." "You mean 'Naan'." " Non-what?" "Naan, yo!" " NON-WHAT?" "YO!" "N-double A-N!" "You really don't have a clue, do you?" "Not to worry yaar." "You have us!" "Can any of you guys know how to cook Indian food?" "Hey!" "How about Gautam?" "Remember his 7 course lunch?" "You can't get that just anywhere." "He had to have made it himself." "Look Kris, you go and pick up a couple of things at the Indian grocery store." "Ajay, you go back to the room and prepare the kitchen." "And I will go deliver the invitation." "Why don't you get this stuff and I'll go invite Nina." "That's your problem yaar." "You think too much like an American." "If you want to get an Indian girl, You have to think like an Indian." "You need to use Indian techniques." "You need a go-between." "Now GO!" "Excuse me, sir..." " Oh yes!" "Uh, can I help you?" "Could you tell me where the 'Naan' is?" " Naan?" "You go to the back  to the left." "And if I may suggest, you should buy the Roghani brand." "It is the Best quality." " Okay." "Thank you." " Oy!" "Hurry Hurry!" "Take the sale stickers off the Roghani Naan." "Hurry Hurry." "So Nina?" "Tell me about last night." "I want to hear all the details about you  Krishna." "There are no details." "He wasted my time." "I've never been so insulted." "Oh My God!" "What did he do?" "He lied to me about liking Indian movies." "And made smart-ass comments all night." "I actually put off problems so I could pick songs for the Garba." "What a creep." " Yeah." "So, are you going to see him again?" " No." "Why?" "I don't know, he is kinda cute!" "What's that?" " It's an e-mail... from Jagjit." "Listen to this..." "Loyal friend seeks suitable alliance for big-mouthed," "But well intentioned roommate." "19 yrs, 5' 11", currently pursuing degree in Engineering." "US Citizen, caste no bar." "Girl should be open-minded, and very understanding." "It's always 7.99!" "Do you want the almonds or not?" " Badmash!" "Sala!" "Mr. Naan." "Very good." "Hey, What're you doing?" "You already rang that up." "Take the charge off." "Sala!" " I'm doing it, okay." "Oooooh!" "That's so cute!" "Oh My God, you gotta go." "No way!" "It's gonna take a more than a funny little ad to make up for last night." "Okay, how about a romantic home cooked dinner?" " What?" "Jagjit?" "Come by the apartment at 8:00 pm and prepare to be amazed." "And no Indian Standard Time!" "We will start off with vegetable samosa appetizers with mint chutney." "This will be followed by the main course consisting of Malai Kofta..." "And a Dum Aloo subzi with toasted naan." "We will have raita and roasted papadum." "Then, we'll have Basmati rice and a very spicy curry." "And for dessert, Gulab Jamun." "Are you sure we can make all this stuff?" "May be I should just take Nina out to an Indian restaurant." "Rakesh can take her out to an Indian restaurant." "You are going to create a dinner that she will not soon forget." "Please Gautam-bhai... proceed." "Okay, Jagjit you make the samosas." "Kris, you make the curry." "Ajaybhai, roast the papadum." "So, what do you want me to do?" "You can put the rice in the pressure cooker." "Make sure the whistle is on snug and let it go for 5 whistles." "NO MORE!" "No..." "No..." "No..." "I don't drink, sorry, no..." "Kris, put the curry mix and some water to boil," "And add some red chili pepper." "Ah Git's." "What would I do without you?" "He get drunk on one beer?" "Now what are we going to do guys?" "Ouch!" "Bitch!" "You better roast when I say roast!" " Big man in the house now!" "Oh My God!" "The rice." " 5 whistles..." "No more!" "Okay, relax." "Oh my God!" "What happened here?" "What were you making?" "It looks like a war zone in here." "Hi Nina." "Um... we were cooking and Gautam got drunk and we didn't know how to..." "Maybe we could go and get some pizza?" "I'll change  everything." " Okay." "I don't know what I was thinking." "I should have never listened to Jagjit." "Well that was very sweet, Krishna." "Listen Nina." "Could you please call me Kris?" "Sure, but what's wrong with Krishna?" "It's such a beautiful name." "I just prefer Kris." " So Kris." "What are you wearing to Garba?" "Wear?" "Well, actually I wasn't planning on going." "Why not?" "It'll be fun." "Nah., I don't know how to do that dance thing." "Oh come on." "Its easy." "I can teach you." "What is so funny?" "Nothing." "It's bad enough I have to do this stupid dance." "I really don't need criticism from the peanut gallery?" "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean anything by it." "Just because you have two left feet doesn't make it stupid dance." "May be I shouldn't be dancing." "Kris!" "You're not even trying!" "Now pay attention." "Oh grow up, Kris!" "Can't you accept anything Indian without insulting it?" "I don't even know why I bothered to teach you." "Come on Nina!" "I was just kidding." "I'm sorry, Okay!" "Okay!" "'Thoodi jo peelee hai'." " 'Thoodi jo peelee hai'." "Oh!" "You are going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow bhai-sahib." "I hope you have some Ayurvedic remedy for that." "WAIT A MINUTE!" "Hey Ajay." "You can take Gautam home yourself right?" "I got to take care of something." "Wait!" "Come on..." "No way..." "Wait." "Come on in Jen, the door's open." "I am performing one of nature's duty." "This is one of the things, I miss most about India." "The freedom." "No bogus rules, no regulations," "Just do what you want freely." "No botheration!" "Yo!" "Yo!" "Yo!" "Come on man!" "Man!" "Why you gotta go and ruin my sneakers." "I paid sixty-dollars for these bitches." "Oh Hell... no..." "Man..." "Come on, it's a girls dormitory?" "No..." "No..." "No..." "SALIM!" "?" "Hi Farah." "EID Mubarak." "What do you want?" "I saw you at mosque you looked beautiful." "I just wanted to..." "I just wanted to tell you that..." "What's the matter?" "Nothing." "So why are you acting like this?" "Because this is how we 'corrupt Indian girls in America' act." "Oh!" "You heard me." "I'm sorry." "I didn't really mean it the way it sounded." "Oh Shit!" "It's my parents." "Now you're really gonna get me in to so much trouble." "Okay, come into in my room." "And don't make a sound." "Eid Mubarak!" " Oh hello Mummy, Hi Daddy." "What are you doing here?" "We were driving back from Fatima Auntie's house." "We thought to stop by and see how you were doing." "Oh, how thoughtful." "Aren't you going to let us in?" "Okay sure, Come on in." "Yo!" "Where are you man?" "Come on!" "We can get into lot of trouble for this." "Man we should not be in here." "So, how are your studies going Farah?" "Oh fine!" "Today we had a test in Calculus and I think I got an A." "That's nice dear." " Very good." "You know you should clean your kitchen more often." "It can get dirty very quickly." "And be sure to use Pinesol." "Sure mom." "I just haven't had time last couple of days." "What was what?" "I didn't hear anything." "Ah!" "Cool!" "Drumstick now you're talking my language." "These are dandias." " Dandias." "They are used in the Raas which comes after the garba." "Okay you'll like this dance." "It's a little easier on the feet." "So now just hit my stick back hand." "Now swing your body," "And the other one." "Yes" "Look at my eyes not the tits okay." "Are you okay?" "Ow!" "What was that for?" " What do you think you're doing?" " What?" "How dare you!" "It was just a kiss." "How typical." "Get out of here." "You're the one who invited me here." "To dance, I figured it'd be nice to learn something about your own culture." "My culture!" "What do want me to learn?" "That I come from a country where the concept of toilet paper is still a myth." "And let their parents decide who their going to marry." "Uhhhh!" "Your such a..." " What?" "What do you gonna call me, Nina?" "An ABCD." "Here!" "Take your sticks." "Have fun at the garba." "Why don't you go with Rakesh!" "May be can teach you about origins of garba in India during the last Ice Age." "Have fun!" "Farah?" "You didn't tell us you had a Muslim roommate." "Feroz, this is Mumtaz." "Did you know that she is also from Lucknow?" "Really?" "Beti, where do your parents live  what do they do?" "Uh well actually my parents live in India." "I'm here studying on a student visa." "I have to go now before the mosque closes." "Well, beti." "You just think of us as your parents." "Um... well thank you auntie and uncle." "You are quite a beautiful young girl Mumtaz." "If you're interested, I know a fine young boy, he could be a great match for you." "I think that's a great idea!" "Oh Thank you auntie but I don't think I'm ready yet." "I'm still in school." "Oh nonsense, you don't want to reach your late 20's and not be married, do you?" "You'll have to settle for those Old men," "Who advertise in newspapers!" "You are too young to understand." "Give me your parents phone number in Lucknow." "Actually, Mumtaz's parents don't have a phone." "So, I'll get her parent's address and send it to you mummy, okay?" "Mumtaz, you better hurry gototheMosque." "Okay." "Yes, hurry beti." "It was nice meeting you auntie, uncle." "Bye Farah!" "Oh I'm sorry Miss!" "Please don't tell anyone we're here." "It was an accident." "Chutiya, It's me." "Salim?" "Relax, I can explain everything, okay!" "No man!" "It's cool!" "I'm down with alternative lifestyles." "Niggah gotta do, what a niggah gotta do," " Excuse me." "I didn't know Hijros could immigrate to the US." "What kind of visa are you on?" "Come on!" "Wait a minute." "I think I'm going to throw up." "Well wait a minute." "Don't do it here." "Wait." "Come Here." " Let's go to bathroom." "Not on the bhurka." "(screams) Go..." "Go!" "Please forgive me Bhagwan!" "Please forgive me Bhagwan!" "Yo!" "Bhai-saab!" "You alright?" "Guess they don't have panty raids in India huh?" "Are you wearing mascara?" "Don't ask, how's the date with Nina?" "Don't ask I knew this was not going to work out." "We have nothing in common." "If I dry clean it, won't it stink like Gautam's piss." "Is it Engineering?" "Father, I'll become an engineer." "What happened?" "This place looks worse than South Central!" "Are you alright?" "Come on yaar, it's okay It'll be alright." "What man!" "What will be alright?" "That I have to spend the rest of my life designing buildings the job I hate." "That's what you call alright!" "I knew, he was going to eventually find out and that he never understands." "I don't want to see this stuff anymore." "Don't say that man." "This is your dream." "Don't ever give up on that." "Yeah man what!" "Like Spike Lee says..." "You know" ""Make Black Films..." "By Any Means Necessary!"" "You're really good at this." "You know that!" "Well." "You know." "Shit." "Great Party?" "You know I just love Indian culture." "I mean I've read the Kama Sutra from cover to cover ten times." "I'm memorized every position" "Yeah!" "Well you know, somebody in my family wrote that book." "Now, I'm working on a follow-up." "It's called the 'Ajay Sutra'." "Well!" "I'd love to hear more about it." "Well, I might just have to show..." " Arey Yaar!" "This is my song!" "Come on man!" " Yo!" "What ya doing?" "Ho..." "Ho..." "Ho!" "Hey Man!" "Who you callin' a ho!" "You know I just love Indian culture." "I've read the Kama Sutra from cover to cover ten times." "So you know about VENUDARITIKA?" "What?" "What's that?" "It means 'Splitting The Bamboo'." "It's a highly erotic position and pleasurable for the woman." "Really?" "That sounds interesting." "Maybe you can teach me." "Actually, I learned it from my friend over there, Kris." "He's a master, when it comes to the Kama Sutra." "Why don't you talk to him?" "I'm sure he'd love to teach you." "I may just do that." "Hey Nina!" "Have you been here long?" "The party is top." "What are you doing with your stuff?" "Go... put it in the bedroom." "Let's go  dance." "Come here!" "Wait..." "Nina wait!" "Leaving so soon?" "Nina!" "Wait!" "Let me explain." " Go away!" "Look." "I'm sorry." "Let me go." "I thought you were different." "I don't know what happened back there..." "I mean." "May be I had a little too much to drink or something." "Oh so that's supposed to make it alright!" "I'm sorry but I just can't accept that as an excuse." "Maybe I'm old-fashioned and traditional." "Maybe I'm a little too Indian for your taste!" "Too Indian?" "!" "Why does it always have to be about Indian culture?" "Why?" " Why can't it be just us?" "Because I'm Indian." "Since you can't stand anything Indian there's no us!" "Oh come on Sri!" "I can't!" "Because I can't just fly to Bombay." "Don't you've a movie shoot?" "I know I got exams, I just can't leave, You know." "Ajay!" "Ajay!" " What!" "What!" "Oh man, I was having a dream." "Me  Sridevi were dancing in the rain." "Well sorry to disturb your wet dream but you know how to do that dance right?" "What dance?" "The 'Garba'." "No, I only know how to do the Raas." "Can you teach it to me?" "Sure, no problem man." "Can you teach it to me now?" "Now?" " Yeah please." "Man!" " Come on, man." "Thanks man." "Soan I ask you a question?" "Why the Afro-centric Hindu homeboy thing?" "I'm just trying to keep it real." "Blacks and Indians have a hell of alot more in common than you may think." "We share a common ancestry." "Did you know that India used to be a part of Africa?" "What?" "You've got be kidding me." "No, I'm serious." "Go grab some dandias and learn." "You know about Plate Tectonics, right?" "Oh yeah!" "The theory that all land masses are sitting on plates that are moving." "Yeah." "Well haven't you noticed how the west coast of India," "Once upon a time we were one land dawg, one people," "But then India drifted East and hit the Asian landmass." "And Gujarat, where my parents are from used to be part of Kenya or Tanzania so," "So Damn!" "I'm just rediscovering my original roots, you know?" "Come..." "On!" " And you actually believe this stuff?" "Yo man." "Are we not down with music and dance?" "Don't we kick ass in Cricket?" "And don't forget the biggest similarity we have with our African brothers." "Yeah!" "What's that?" "Right here." "Hey!" "Kiddah!" "Sherah!" "What's happening man?" "This is amazing, I can't believe you did this." " Yeah..." "You know man, shit!" "No..." "No..." "Not shit..." "Dope yaar?" "It's really amazing" " This is phenomenal, Jagjit." "May be this wasn't a good idea look!" " Yaar jubhos looking tight, yo." "Hi Farah!" "Hi." "Thanks for covering for me the other night." "When I dropped your CD's on the floor I just paniced." "I thought your parents were going to send me to Lucknow right then." "You really saved me." "Can you imagine being trapped all day long by some sexist ego-centric guy." "Mumtaz!" "Don't you even know how to boil rice?" "I know this is going to sound crazy." "But the other night was the first time I really thought about." "What it must be like to be an Indian woman." "I'm really sorry about what I said." "I hope you can forgive me." "I'll have to think about it." "You know, we corrupt Indian girls don't forgive so easily." "But you know what would make it easier?" "What?" "If I could get my dress back?" "Oh yeah, right." "Actually, I've gotten quite attached to it." "I was planning on wearing, when I meet that guy your mother has set up for me." "Kris!" "Dude!" "What's going on?" "Eric?" "What are you doing here?" "Dude!" "I think I've almost got enough money to pay for this year's tuition." "Oh Uncle..." "Krishna, I want you to meet my classmate, Jackie." "Jackie, this is one of my students, Krishna..." "I mean Kris Reddy." "Namaste!" "Uh yeah!" " Come on Jackie, let's go  dance." "Hey guys!" "Raas!" "Come on, let's go." "Hey Ajay!" "Switch with me man." "Wait here one minute...!" " Where are you going?" "Hi Nina." "Kris." "What the fuck are you doing here Kris?" "I have no hard feeling with you." "I just came here to..." "RAKESH stop!" "Hey!" "I didn't come here to fight." "Rakesh?" "!" "What are you doing?" " Yeah, well I did." "Like I said, I didn't come here to fight." "Hi, just wanted to thank you all for being here tonight." "This is a record turn out for the club." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "I really didn't want to fight..." "I know." "Well." "I better be going." " Kris, I'm sorry!" "What?" "I said, I'm sorry." "You're sorry?" "Yeah." "I was just thinking how mean I was to you." "I didn't try to see it from your side so I guess, I was being selfish and for that." "I'm sorry." "Nina!" "No, I'm the one who was selfish." "I wasn't being sensitive you were right." "You know I was being an ass." "I'm the one who should be saying "I'm Sorry."" "Okay." "Okay?" "What?" "Okay." "I accept your apology." "All you had to do was say it." "What?" "I don't get it." "Well, it's not everyday a good looking Indian guy apologizes for his behavior." "A girl's got to take them when she can." "Who knows when it'll happen again?" "Cute." "Very cute." "That's a clever line." "Where'd you pick it up?" "You know this ABCD tried to use it on me once." "It was so pathetic." "Shabash!" "Just like in the movies." "The hero beats the villain and saves beautiful heroine." "Tick!" "Tock!" "Just like a Hindi filim?" "So, let's get on with Raas, yaar?" "There's one person in particular that I'd like to thank." "Without whose hard work, dedication and talents," "This beautiful night would not have been possible." "Lets give a big round of applause to Mr. Jagjit Singh" "So putra, did you use the gear system or pulley leverage for the arms?" "The gear system, pappaji." "So Nina." "May I have the honor of this dance?" "You want to dance?" "Bhangra?" "Yeah!" "Oh!" "Unless it's too Indian for you?" "No, please let's go!"