" Roger..." " Roger..." "Oh, Roger, you haven't forgotten about the party?" "No, but I'm afraid I can't make it." " But you've got to come." "You promised." " The whole crowd's going to be there." "And besides, I've saved all my waltzes for you." " We'll make them up next time." " It's going to be the best party of the year." " Sorry." "Good night." " Good night." "I've gotta run, Aunt Sophie." "Can you get home all right?" "Yes, but I did want you to go to that lovely party." "Good night, dear." "I'll see you first thing in the morning." " Good night, Professor Heinrich." " You did very well, my boy." "But your pizzicato - we still have to work on it." "Remember, as more you press, as less comes out." "I'll take care of it first thing in the morning." "Don't overdo yourself, dear." "Why did you have to say that?" "His pizzicatos were perfect." "Perhaps, but these young people today, we have to keep after them all the time." "If he's going to be a great musician..." "If he's going to be a great musician?" "A boy with his talent?" "Why, do you know where he's gone now?" "To work." "In the Excelsior bakery." "Slaving away half the night in order to have more time to practice in the daytime." " So?" " Yes." "You sawed-off little runt!" "Trying to dump your broken-down horn-pushers off on me." "But you didn't give 'em a chance!" "I won't get the stink out of my place for a week." "You can't treat me like this!" "I'll get the police!" "I'll get my lawyer!" "I'll sue ya!" "Don't bring that flute back in here!" "Say, you must be kinda hard to please tonight." " Hey, wait a minute!" " What do you want?" "Well, it wouldn't be fresh air in this cute little cottage." "Hey, hey!" "They tell me you're going in for music." "Well... here I am." " What do you play?" " I don't play, I sing." "I've been up at Lefty's for three months." "Well, if you're so good, why ain't you up there now?" "Well, Lefty got fresh and I quit." "But I know I'll be safe here." "Sure." "You'll be safe here." "Sure." "Just as safe as in the crater of a volcano." "Give us a beer." "Hey, I'm gonna knock you right out of your seat tonight." " I wouldn't be surprised." " I've got something here that's dynamite." "Brand-new." "Nobody in Barbary Coast has ever heard anything like it before." "You must have wrote it yourself." "No, a friend sent it to me from New York." "Just wait till you hear it." "Stell!" "Well, for crying out loud!" "Snapper!" "You're a sight for sore eyes, baby!" " Say, listen." "Is this getup on the level?" " Sure." "I'm seein' the world." " I'll say you are!" " Boy, am I glad to see you." "Gang, I want you to meet Stella Kirby." " Hiya, kid." " Hi, babe." "We went through school together, up to the fifth grade, and boy, could she spell 'em down." "Here, grab yourself a seat, Stell." "Bring us some beer." "You're looking like a million, baby." " Did you ever learn long division?" " Never even learned short division." " And I'm doin' all right without it!" " Ain't she a beaut?" "Hey, Bill." " Here are the fellas I was tellin' you about." " Hiya." " Did the other outfit show up yet?" " Yeah." "They just got thrown out." "Just wait a minute." "Say, boss." "These boys play great." "You oughta hear 'em." " Tim Dolan send 'em over?" " No, I told 'em to come over." "This one..." "This one here, his uncle's a cop." "A friend of mine." "Mind your own business from now on." "You're paid to draw beer." " Are you beginners?" " Yes, sir." " We've all gotta begin sometime." " We're pretty good, too." "We've been rehearsing for weeks." "Wait till you hear us." " Why aren't the others in uniform?" " You see, I was dressed for a concert." "Oh, we can hire 'em for you if you want 'em." "Eh, you don't look so hot to me." "But all right." "I'll give you a try." " One piece." " Oh, thanks!" " Thanks, Bill." " We're in!" "Ooh!" " What's the matter?" " The music." " What?" " It's gone!" " But you had it." " I must have left it on the streetcar." " You couldn't have done that." " What are we gonna do?" " Well, are you guys gonna play or not?" " Oh, sure." "Here." "Take this." "It's music." " Brand-new." "Just come from New York." " Music, you'd better be good." "If they start throwing bottles at us, I'll meet you boys on the ferry." " All right, fellas." "Just the chorus." " Hey, I don't get it." "(# tentatively attempts "Alexander's Ragtime Band" melody)" "What kind of time is this?" "Four quarter." "Every bar a quarter rest." "It's crazy." "Come on!" "That's it, boys." "Swing into it." "My music!" "The dirty crooks." "(# "Alexander's Ragtime Band")" " What's the idea of swiping my music?" " I beg your pardon?" "Don't pull any of that "pardon" stuff on me." "You in that monkey suit." "The minute my back was turned, trying to set yourself in here with my stuff, huh?" "All right, kids." "That's dynamite." "You're in." " Who's in?" " All of you." "Say, don't hook me up with this outfit." "I came here to get a job for myself, not for this bunch." "It was my music and my singing that put them over." " Yeah, but listen..." " They don't know to play." "They're rotten." "Oh, and I suppose just because you can stand up here and shout, that you know everything about music, huh?" "Fight it out among yourselves, but it's all of you or nothing." "Beer on the house for Mr. Alexander and his Ragtime Band." " My name is not Alexander." " It's Alexander to me." "Come on with that beer." " So I don't know music, huh?" " No." "Well, maybe I don't know the tripe they play up on Snob Hill, but I know what they like down here and that's more than you'll ever know." "And if you think that I'm gonna work with you, you've got another guess coming." "Oh, what made you think that I'd want you with my band?" "Your band?" "!" " Oh, give me my music..." " Now, wait a minute, wait a minute." "This is a situation." "Let's try and figure it out." "Oh, I've got it all figured out." "And I don't want any more to do with you." "Is that plain, fancy-pants?" " Always a pleasure to meet a lady." " You bet it is." " Say, you were good." " I know it." " Let her go." " Girlie!" "Gee, look at what you've done." "Everything's going along swell and you have to start an argument with her." " That girl's a whiz." "Wait a minute." "Let's be reasonable." "Reasonable?" "Say, what do you think I am?" "A half-wit or something?" "Don't pay attention to him." "He didn't mean it." "He was just shooting off his mouth." "Come on back." "Let's pretend it didn't happen." "We all need the job." "Oh, say, I wouldn't go back there if it was the last job on earth." "I've seen all I want of that stuck-up pain in the neck." " Yeah, but look..." " Let go of me." "There he goes again, playing my music." "Opening tonight, Alexander's Ragtime Band!" "The hottest music on the coast!" "And the queen of ragtime, Stella Kirby!" "With the finest fish dinner in town!" "Opening tonight, Alexander's Ragtime Band!" "Not bad, boys." "These openings tie me up in knots." "I'm shaking like a coochie dancer." "You call this an opening?" "You should have seen the outfit I was with the night we opened at the Crystal Palace." "That was an opening." "Hello, Martha?" "It's Roger." "Listen, I've got to talk to Aunt Sophie." "I'll try." "Will you hold the phone, please?" "It's Roger again." "I have nothing to say to him." "I'm very sorry, Roger." "She won't talk to you." "All right." "Thank you, Martha." "Good night." "Alexander!" " You, Alexander!" " Yes?" "Thank you." "Professor Heinrich!" " So your name's Alexander now?" " Yes, that's right." "Uh, won't you come in and..." "sit down and have a glass of beer?" "Not tonight." "I just want to know if you're really serious about all this." "Oh, yes." "Very." "But Roger, you spent your whole life preparing yourself for something fine." "How can you throw it all away on this..." "this ragtime?" "But I like ragtime." "I believe in it." "And besides, I have what I've always wanted:" "A band." "Won't you stay and listen?" "See for yourself." "No." "You know your own mind." "You always have." " Good night." " Good night, Professor." "Hey, come on, come on!" "Let's have a little life around here." " Bring on that girl." " Right away." " Who is it?" " It's me." " What do you want?" " I want to see how you look." "Oh, I look swell." " Do you mind if I see for myself?" " No, come on in." "What do I care?" "It cost me my last dime." " Very nice." " Oh, thanks, Mr. Astorbilt." "But you know, you shouldn't try to cover up your lovely throat with those feathers." " Hey, wait a minute." " Oh, and look at those flowers." "You don't really need those." "That's just gilding the lily." "Oh-oh." "And look at those ruffles." "Now, that might be all right for some skinny little girl, but not for a girl with a gorgeous figure like yours." " There." "Now, see what I mean?" " Hey, wait a minute!" "Oh, and the very idea of trying to cover up that beautiful hair!" " There, now." " Why, you two-by-four snob!" "Look what you've done." "You've ruined my dress." "Now, listen to me." "You're not dressing for your sailor friends now." "This isn't Dirty Eddie's." "I'm trying to build a band with class and distinction, and I'm beginning right now." "Oh, so you're a know-it-all about women's clothes too?" "Well, let me tell you something." "I know how to dress myself and you or nobody else is gonna tell me what to wear." "Understand?" "!" "You're not going up there looking like a comic valentine." "And stop shouting!" "I'll go out the way I want to or I won't go out at all!" " All right!" "That suits me too." " Well, it's good enough for me." "Pickleface is throwing a fit out there." "We'd better hop to it." " Are you ready, Stella?" " I'm not going." " Oh, now, Stella..." " Oh, let her go, and good riddance." "I don't want a woman with the band anyway." "Come on, Charlie." "Oh, what a sap I was to let you talk me into this thing in the first place." "Oh, I knew how it would end with that conceited..." "Well, I'm surprised at you, letting him get your goat." "He didn't mean anything by it." "He was just a little excited tonight - new place, a couple of new boys." " You can't let us down now." " There you go, sticking up for him again." "Why, look where he threw my flowers." "I should have slapped his ears down." "You can do that tomorrow." "You've gotta sing now." "Pulling out my feathers, and giving me all that baloney about my neck and my figure and my hair." " Why, I'll see him dead first." " You're absolutely right." "Don't sing for him." "Sing for me." "Why, you dirty dog." "Taking advantage of my sweet nature, huh?" "That's a girl, Stella." "Just remember the Three Musketeers." "All for one..." "Yeah, and that one a pain in the neck." "Yeah, and that one a pain in the neck." "Three Musketeers, my... my foot." "Ah!" "There you are, my tender little dove." "We were just coming to call on you." " Well, I'm in a hurry." " Stop being a stubborn, ornery female." "You and the maestro are gonna get acquainted." "Say, I know all I wanna know about him." "And no back talk." "Get in there, the both of you." "Take those chips off your shoulders." "You're both all right if you don't expect too much." "And remember," "I'm staying right outside the door here, and if I hear any yelling or screaming," "I'm coming back in here and knock your heads together." "Well?" "You and I have entirely different points of view, Stella." "But we are grown-up." "I don't see why, with a little common sense, we can't work together." "A simple business arrangement." "Listen." "You're out to set the world on fire." "You're all hopped up with the idea that you've got something to give and you're gonna do it or bust." "Well, that's your business." "All I want is a job, and one job's as good as another." "As long as I can pay my own way, and you leave me alone." "You have a great voice." "And a great future too." "If you'd only realize your possibilities and try to make something of them." "Say, I'm doin' all right." "I am what I am, and I'm not gonna let you make me over into something else just to fit your plans." "I guess I have been unreasonable, only seeing my side of it." "But all this means so much to me." "This music, having my own band." "Whether we like it or not, we're together." "We couldn't have gotten this job without you, and you probably couldn't have gotten it without us." "So doesn't it seem sensible that we should try to meet each other halfway?" "Well, it's all right with me." "Well, now!" "You see how easy it is." "Something tells me I'm sticking my head in a noose." "Come on!" "(# "Alexander's Ragtime Band")" "(# "Everybody's Doin' It Now")" " Good afternoon, Miss Kirby." " Good morning." "(# "Now It Can Be Told" on piano)" "Good afternoon, Miss Kirby." "Good afternoon." "Oh, hello." "My, you look pretty." "Another new outfit?" "Mm-hm." "But I think it's a little too loud." "It makes me feel like a stop sign." "I wonder if you realize how much you've changed in the last few months?" "What do you mean, "changed"?" "Just because I pay more for my clothes and let my hair go natural?" " Well, that may be part of it." "Oh, you mean I'm getting to be a lady." "More refined and agreeable." "You're wrong." "I'm just doing it to save myself a lot of arguments." "Oh, sure." "You're the same stubborn witch." "You wear these good-Iooking clothes just for business reasons." "It burns you up to get prettier every day." "It'd just about break your heart if anybody told you you were blossoming into the most beautiful," " the most charming..." " Why, I'd call him a liar to his teeth." "What's that?" "Just a little hit tune I've been working on." " You mean you wrote it yourself?" " Mm-hm." " Do you like it?" " Like it?" " Why, it's great!" "It's got everything." " Oh, take it easy." "No, on the level." "Imagine you having that in you." "Why, it'll make you famous." "I wrote it for you, Stella." "If it's any good, that's why." "Oh, thank you, Charlie." "I'd love to sing it." "Has, uh..." "His Highness heard it yet?" "Nobody's heard it... but you." "Well, say, this is too good to keep." " Come on." " Wait a minute." "Stella." "Oh, come on." "What would the waiters think?" "All right, fellas." "Let's try that introduction now without the brass." "Alec!" "Alec, look." "Charlie's just written a swell new song for me." "What?" "Holding out on me, huh?" "Oh, it's nothing." "Probably won't sell more than two million copies." " Well, let's hear it." " All right." " Late again, huh?" " Who, me?" "I was on the ferryboat..." "Now listen to me." "And this goes for all of you." "When I say 2:00, I mean 2:00." "These rehearsals are just twice as important as any performance." "We may be tops in this town, but we haven't even started yet." "Now, if you fellas wanna stick with me, try to get somewhere, like New York, you're going to have to work." "Now, come on, let's snap into it." "Don't forget that this is an opening night." "You've gotta be better than just good." "Cut that." " Go ahead, Charlie." " (plays "Now It Can Be Told")" "Start over again from the beginning, Charlie." "Louie." "Bill." "Take the melody." "You take the counterpoint." "All right, fellas." "Let's fake it till we get our orchestrations." "(# "Now It Can Be Told")" "Take over for me, Charlie." "Imagine, you and me like this." "Imagine." " What happened?" " Don't ask me." "The roof fell in on us." "The minute I started to sing that song..." "The whole world stopped for me." "I'm afraid I even forgot to take a bow." "Let me look at you... for the first time." "That's for tonight." "And that's for all the times I've wanted to break your neck." "And that's for all the times I've wanted to slap your ears down." "Do you suppose we've been in love with each other all this time?" "Me?" "In love with that awful person with the platinum hair and the loud mouth?" "Heaven forbid!" "Say, you were no Christmas package yourself, you know." "Oh, darling." "Don't you understand?" "I'm an artist." " Like Pygmalion." " Like who?" "Oh, just a Greek who took a hunk of marble and molded it and polished it into a beautiful woman." "Then fell in love with her." "Then you mean that you've just fallen in love with your... with your..." " Handiwork." " Oh, that isn't so." "You loved me from the first day you saw me." "Platinum hair, loud mouth and everything." "I guess you're right." "This is the real thing, isn't it?" "It's the realest thing that ever happened to me." " Don't say a word." " What?" " Hello, Charlie." " Don't apologize, don't explain." "I know all about it." "I was there when it happened." "I pour out my heart in a song to some dame." "She takes the song and pours out her heart to the boss." "Well, I told you it was a good song." "If you hadn't written it, the little lady and I would have probably gone on through life slugging each other." " Well, when's the wedding?" " Don't be so practical." "He's just started courting me." "There, go buy me some flowers." "The long-stemmed ones that cost $20 a dozen." " The kind I've never had." " I will not." "Next you'll be wanting a Kodak, and then a leopard coat, and then a tin lizzie." " You'll get ham and eggs, and like it!" " Ham and eggs and champagne." " Champagne for breakfast?" " Certainly." "This is a champagne breakfast." " Good morning." "Three?" " Please." "This way, please." "And while we're guzzling it, we'll have to do a little figuring." " You know who's in town?" " No, who?" "Charles Dillingham." "The big boy himself." "Alec, this is the break you've been waiting for." "Yes, sir." " Bring me a phone, please." " At once." "This is Mr. Dillingham's secretary." "Who's calling, please?" "I'm sorry." "Mr. Dillingham is busy." "No, he's not granting any interviews." "But this is a very important matter." "My name is Alexander." "I have a very fine band, and I'm sure Mr. Dillingham would be interested in..." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Well, that doesn't seem to be the proper approach." "Why don't we go down to the hotel, grease a few palms?" "Get everybody talking about Alexander's Ragtime Band:" "The elevator boy, the chambermaid, the barber." "Din it in his ears." "Oh, but that would only make him suspicious." "I'm gonna get him to the Cliff House if I have to drag him." "You know, those big guys all like to eat." "Give me that phone." "Stella, you're marvelous." "Uh, Evergreen 2435." "I was reading an interview of his in The Post last week." "Uh, hello." "Uh..." "Mr. Dillingham's suite, please." "But you won't be able to get through the secretary." "I got an idea." "Hello, may I speak to Mr. Dillingham, please." "Well, then, will you tell him this is Henri?" "Henri!" "I was for many years the chef at the Astor House." "I used to cook Pompereau Henri special for Mr. Dillingham." "I read he's in town and I would like to fix for him some baby lobsters à la Henri." " Baby lobsters?" " What's that?" "Oh, a chef named Henri wants to cook some baby lobsters for you." "He was formerly at the Astor." "Baby lobsters in August?" "Must be first of the season." "Splendid." "Find out where he is." "Where am I?" "Where would I be?" "Chef at the Cliff House, of course." "Then I can expect him tonight?" "Oh, thank you very much!" "Kiss Papa." "Hey, wait a minute." "I'm the guy that did it." "Hey, Davey." " What did you say?" " I'll lay you ten to one he doesn't show up." "Yeah?" "You got yourself a bet, brother." "And no welshing." "You welsher." "Hey, boss, how about me doing my number for the old boy?" " That'll land us all on Broadway." " Yeah." "Sitting right on our curbstones." "Come on, let's give 'em everything you got." "The clowning can come later." "It's nerves, maestro." "We're about to be discovered." " Oh, teacher, will I be discovered?" " Yes, right now." "The number 11, boys." " Oh, but Mr. Dillingham ain't here yet." " That's the idea." "Or that was the idea." "Oh, let it ride." "I've been double-crossed before." "(# "This Is The Life")" " What are you doing here?" " Listen, Ruby." "Quick, lend me ten bucks." "What did you do with that ten I gave you last night?" "Oh, hurry up, hurry up." "Come on." "I'll pay you back." "I'd think you'd be ashamed, taking my hard-earned money to lose in a crap game." "Say, you oughta be glad to lend me ten bucks!" "Suppose war is declared and I gotta go to the front and get killed in action?" "You'd be very happy to know that you were the one who lent me ten bucks when I needed it most." "Stop." "You're breaking my heart." "Look, look!" "Dillingham!" " Oh, boy." " Oh." " Good evening, Mr. Dillingham." " Good evening." " You won't need a check." " Thank you." " Must be..." " He's here!" "He's here!" "The gray-haired man." " Alex, let's do the new one." " How about me?" "I'll slay him." " Get Stella to come out." " Ah, Stella." "Frank." "Frank!" " Check on those baby lobsters right away." " Yes, sir." " And don't forget that whistle trick." " You got it." " Any special wine, Mr. Dillingham?" " I'll leave it all to Henri." " He knows what I like." " Yes, sir." "(# "When the Midnight Choo-Choo Leaves for Alabam"')" "Pardon me." "Won't you join me?" "Oh, thank you, but I'm not allowed to sit with the guests." "Well, I'm Charles Dillingham." " Mr. Dillingham, the theatrical producer?" " Yes." "Oh, well, I really shouldn't, but..." "I'm sure Mr. Alexander won't mind this time." " I'm sure he won't." " Thank you." " He's rising for the bait." " Leave it to Stella." " She'll have him eating out of her hand." "Look." "Champagne." " Won't be long now." " Yeah, she'll be in his lap any minute." "Another crack like that and I'll throw you right out that door." "If he's talking business, why isn't he talking to you?" "Or is she managing the band now?" "Alex will be there when the time comes." "Come on." "All right." "Come on." "Let's hit it." "Don't let him think we're too anxious." " You'll like New York." " Oh, I know I will." "Henri, your chef, is a great friend of mine." "No food like his in the world." "He's cooked me some baby lobsters." "Won't you share them with me?" "Oh, no, thank you." "Thank you." "Mm!" "Superb." "My compliments to Henri." "Thank you, sir." "He'll be pleased, I'm sure." "Oh, I'm sorry, I must be going." "I've got to tell Mr. Alexander." "Excuse me, please." "Take over for me, Charlie." " What did he say?" " He wants me to go to New York!" " What did he say?" " He wants me to go to New York!" " New York?" "He's gonna make me a star." "Oh, darling, isn't that the most wonderful thing you ever heard?" " Everything you've wanted for me." " What about the band?" "He says he can't use the band right now but I know he'll find a place for you later." "Oh, isn't it marvelous?" "I can't believe it's true." " Pinch me." "Then you really are going?" "Of course." "This is the biggest chance I'll ever get." "Oh, that's swell for you, Stella." "She might at least have talked to me about it first." "Not just go and say yes without even thinking about us." "Oh, but Alex, this isn't going to make any difference with us." "We can still be together." "You can come on to New York with me and I know Dillingham will find a place for you before long." "Oh, yeah." "That'd just be great." "But you told me over and over again that I could make something of myself if I tried." "And now that it's happened, you're all burned up." "I should have known better than to expect anything from you." "Oh, Alec!" "Well, of all the selfish little tinhorn sports." "You're jealous because he wants me and not you." " Now, Stella..." " Well, just remember," "I didn't want to go with your band in the first place." "And all that polishing and molding - you weren't doing that for me." "You were doing that for yourself, just because you thought it would help you get ahead." "And now that it's backfired and helped me, you're yelling murder." " All right." "Go on." "Get out!" " Alex..." " Go to New York!" "Go with him!" " Don't think you wouldn't do the same..." "Stella!" "Alec!" "Don't leave her like that." "Go back and tell her you're wrong before it's too late." "Siding in with her again, hey?" "I'm wrong and she's right." "Sure." "You don't own Stella." "You can't order her around." "She has a right to decide for herself." "She doesn't owe this band a thing." "We're liable to be stuck here for the rest of our lives." " Is that the way you feel about it?" " Exactly." "Well, then what are you sticking around for?" "Why don't you clear out, too?" "That's a good idea." "Well, maestro, when does Alexander's Ragtime Band hit Broadway?" "There isn't any Alexander's Ragtime Band." "What?" "(# "For Your Country and My Country")" "Left... turn." "Left... turn." "Platoon halt!" "Just what did you do before you joined up in this man's army?" " I was an orchestra leader, sir." " Yeah, I was a drummer." "We had a swell..." "About face." "Left turn." "There ought to be such a thing as being too proud to knit." " Boy, I'm dying." " I'm dead." " What'd happen if we resigned?" " We'd get shot." "It'd be a pleasure." "Of course, if we'd have been smart enough to get in the Navy..." " Listen to this. "Boom Boom a sellout."" " What's Boom Boom?" "That's a show the Navy's putting on in New York." "Pretty soft for those swabs." "No more guard duty, no more bayonet drill." "No more sore feet." "Why didn't we go in the Navy?" " A show in New York?" " Yeah." "Let me see that." "Theatricals?" "You're crazy." " I told them it was no use." " Ridiculous, I said." "I said this wasn't the theater." "They're in the Army now." " But the Navy did it, sir." " The Navy." " They have time for such tomfoolery." " Besides, they have the talent." "Talent in the Navy?" "Nonsense!" "If you can find talent in the Navy, you can find it anywhere." "Right here in this camp." "All right." "Go ahead." "Thank you, sir." "(# "I Can Always Find a Little Sunshine in the YMCA")" " Everybody on stage." " Everybody on stage." "On stage, you fellas." " Come on, you!" " On stage, everybody!" "If the Navy show can run a week on Broadway, we can run a month." "And we'll do it." "Our train leaves tomorrow at 6 am, for New York." "Attention!" " Colonel Roberts." " At ease, men." "At ease." "Give me a hand." "Now remember, men, when you go on that stage in New York City on Sunday night, the honor of the Army will be at stake." "So give it to 'em, boys." "Give 'em everything you've got." "Let's go over the top and beat the pants off the Navy!" "Three cheers for the Army!" "Hooray!" "Hooray!" "Hooray!" "Army!" "Come on, fellas!" "You greaseballs." " Come on, you hobnail heroes!" "Come on, get out of there!" " Wake up, sleeping beauty!" " Rise and shine!" " Yeah, I'll go, I'll go." " Hit the deck!" "Everybody outside!" "(# "Oh, How I Hate to Get Up in the Morning")" " How about a cigarette?" " Righto, Colonel." " Get Captain Davis." " Yes, sir." "Oh, but I've got to see him." "I tell you, it's terribly important." "Well, I'll tell him you're here." "Will you wait out there?" "Sergeant, there's a Miss Kirby at the stage door to see you." " Who?" " Miss Stella Kirby." "Tell her I'm busy." " Sergeant Alexander!" " Yes, sir?" "Assemble your entire company on stage immediately." " Yes, sir." "Corporal!" "Everybody on stage." " Everybody on stage!" "Everybody on stage!" "Everybody on stage!" " Get out of here." " We're not in this act." "You think you ain't." "You're in the Army now." "I said everybody on stage, and right now." " Everybody on stage, tout de suite." " Aw, get out." "We got 15 minutes." "I said tout de suite." "And them's orders... sister." "I wonder what this is all about?" "Men, we cut the first and second scenes out of the last act." "Go right into the finale." "Now, there's a change of business, too." "Instead of going down the side aisles and coming back to center, boarding the transport on the stage as we rehearsed it, at the beginning of the second verse, we march down the center aisle in a column of twos." "Keep right on going to the trucks outside that are waiting to transport us to the docks." "All you men will report to your respective organizations on boarding ship." "Strike this set." "Get ready for the finale." " I know it, I know it." "We're going overseas." " Overseas?" "I can't go now." "I'm coming up for exemption next week." "Well, you just write a nice, long letter to Uncle Sam and tell him all about it." "Oh, shut up." " This is certainly a long intermission." " Yes, I wonder what's delaying the show?" "Program says eight minutes." "More like half an hour." " Attention!" " Maybe that's it now." " So long, boys." "I'll see you later." " So long." "Forward... right!" "(# "We're on our Way to France")" " Goodbye!" "We're going to France." " No!" "Alex!" "Alex!" " Alex!" "All right, folks." "That's all until tomorrow morning at 8:00." "Clear the stage." "Everybody except Miss Kirby, clear the stage." "All right, boys." "You can get your picture now." "Please give the boys a picture." "How about leaning against the piano, Miss Kirby?" "All right boys, set 'em up." "Miss Kirby." "All right, boys." " Thank you, Miss Kirby." " You're welcome." " Has anyone a cigarette?" " Will you try one of mine?" " Alex!" " Hello, Stella." " Well, where in the world..." " I saw your name out front." "Thought I'd just drop in and say hello." "When did you get back?" "Oh, a couple of days ago." " Are you all right?" " Sure, sure." " Did you get up to the front?" " Oh, off and on." "But you... you didn't get hit?" "Oh, this?" "No, no." "Just a fad I picked up on the other side." "Without my stick, I'd feel completely undressed." "No, no." "I didn't get a scratch." "Oh, it was all so horrible and useless, wasn't it?" "Not altogether." "It did me a lot of good." "Made me see what a stupid ass I've been." "Kicked my silly little world right out from under me." " Will you forgive me, Stella?" " Why, of course, Alec." " I've never stopped loving you." " Alec." "Come on." "Let's get out of here." "I can't just stand here talking to you." "I've gotta kiss you, I've gotta put my arms around you." "Alec, please." "You don't know what it's been like, wanting you every second." "You've never been out of my mind, ever." "I don't care what's happened before, and neither do you." "We belong to each other." " But... don't you know?" " Know what?" "Well, Charlie and I have been married for more than a year." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I thought you knew." "No, I..." "I didn't know." "Stella!" "Down here, Charlie." " Mr. Dillingham..." " Here's Alec." "Alec!" "Hello, Charlie." " How are you?" " Fine." "Say, you fellas put on a great show over there." "Yeah, that's what the Kaiser thinks." "I got as far as Hoboken and they called the whole thing off." "Yeah." "I see you've done the songs for Stella's new show." " Congratulations." " Oh, thanks, but... blame it on Stella." "She cracked the whip." "It's been great seeing you two again." " Well, can't you have lunch with us?" " No, sorry." "I, uh..." " I got two fellas waiting out front for me." " Oh." " Well, goodbye." " So long." "Goodbye." " Well, he hasn't changed much, has he?" " No." " Cigarette?" " No, thanks." "What did you say Mr. Dillingham wanted?" "Boy, have I been busy." "I got ahold of Jim and Dirk and Reagan and the others." "We're all set for rehearsal." "We can use the sample room in the basement, but that's not the half of it." "Wait till you see the surprise I got for you." "Uh, Jerry!" "Hit it, babe." " What a pair of pipes." " Jerry Allen's the name." "How do you do?" " Wait till you hear her put over a song." " It'll probably knock you out." "It did all the agents." "Out every time I called." " Sit down, Jerry." " Thank you." "Well, we're practically set." "Alexander's Ragtime Band back in the running." " Bigger and better than ever." " What's all the hurry?" "What do you mean, what's the hurry?" "We gotta get jobs." " Why?" " Well, we've gotta eat." " Why?" " Well..." "What?" "Say, what is this?" "Listen, the bankroll is getting thin." "Time enough to worry about that when it's all gone." "Here." "Ice?" "Here, drink this." " Are you crazy?" " Yes." " Do you mind?" " Certainly not." "I'm a little cracked myself." "Oh, there you are." "You see, she understands." "She knows that we heroes have to have a little time to adjust ourselves." "A lot has happened while we've been making the world safe for democracy." "Oh, cut it." "You know very well those guys won't sit down and wait for you to get in the mood." "They'll get other jobs." "Then where'll we be?" "I'll bite." "Where will we be?" "Nope, nothing doing." " Sorry, Jerry, no jobs today." " Well, that's all right with me." "I'll always compromise for a good steak." "(# "Say It with Music")" "Boy, didn't I tell you that Jerry could put over a song?" "That's right." "Well, anyway, it's swell music." "It sure has changed, though." "It's got a new rhythm." " Nice and slow." " Yeah, like syrup." " And it's sweet and sticky." " What do you do with a guy like that?" "Oh, just relax and put your mind on your drinking." "Stop trying to maneuver him into talking business." "Business?" "What's that?" "You know, the thing you do to take your mind off your drinking." " Come on, Alex." "Doesn't that adjust you?" " Sorry." " Would a dance adjust you?" " Sorry." "Don't mention it." "(# "A Pretty Girl Is Like A Melody")" "Good evening, Mr. Dwyer." "Mrs. Dwyer." " Isn't that Bill?" " Looks like him." " Bill!" " Bill!" " My goodness!" "And he's a father!" " What do you know about this!" "Say, what are you doing in New York?" " And out with a baby this time of night." " Oh, nothing." "Say, how are you folks getting along?" "You look fine." "Well, the same to you, Bill." "Let's have a look at him." " Might be a her." " Oh, not Bill." " He wouldn't have any feminine offspring." " I don't think it's much to look at." ""It"?" "Why, I bet she looks just like her..." "Oh, why, Bill, it's the image of you!" " How old is it?" " Well, there ain't no way of telling that." " Imported?" " Yeah." "All the way from Hoboken." "Right off the boat." "Probably scraped off." "You folks have sure been doing fine, haven't you?" "I caught your show, Stella." "You've come a long way." "Right up on top." " And your music's all right, too." " Thanks, Bill." "Don't forget, Bill." "You had a hand in all this, way back in the beginning." "Say, it's funny, ain't it." "You and Charlie over on Broadway and me and Alec down in Greenwich Village." " Alec in the Village?" " Sure!" "Him and Davey." "They got a swell band down at Scarbi's." "I got 'em the job." "Run across them once when they was broke." "Come on down sometime when you think about it." "Ask for me." "I'm there every night." ""Bill Mulligan, interior decorator."" " My nom de plume." "Anytime you feel like you'd like to play with the baby, just give me a call." " I can be over in about 15 minutes." " All right, Bill." " We certainly will." "Well, goodbye." " Goodbye." " Been grand seeing you, Bill." " Likewise." "Take care of yourself." "Goodbye." "Imagine Bill in New York." "And bootlegging." "He's probably making plenty of money at it." "It's kinda funny at that." "Him and Alec and Davey together again, down in the Village." "I thought they were going back to San Francisco." "So did I." "What do you say we drop down and see them sometime, just for old times' sake?" "Oh, I'd rather not." "Those old times are over and... there's no use trying to rake them up again." "It never works." "Would you like a highball?" "No, just some milk." "All right, I'll get it." "Here you are." "Oh, this is fine." "Make me sleep like a baby." "So will this, if you drink enough of it." "Tired?" " I'm all right." " Come on, Charlie." "What is it?" "Well..." "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately." "Making up a lot of pretty speeches about marriage, life and fate." "Very profound stuff." "But it all seems kinda silly now that I'm sitting here talking to you like this." "Somehow doesn't go with you." "You're too honest and direct." "Come on." "Out with it." "All right." "Here goes." "What do you say we call this marriage off?" " Charlie!" " Mark it up as... experience." "A grand adventure while it lasted." "But let's not spoil it by beginning to pretend a lot of things we don't feel." "You're still in love with Alec, aren't you?" "Oh, I suppose so." "I thought I was over it, but..." "Oh, I don't know." "I guess you can't turn those things off and on." "No." "Course not." "That's what I'm getting at." " Oh, but Charlie..." " No buts about it." "I'm a lucky guy to have had you as long as I have." "I'm grateful for every minute of it." "But I want you to be happy." "Now, now, now, now." "Don't go feminine all of a sudden." "Just keep your mind clear." "Go get a nice, quick, cheap divorce." "I'll make the alimony light on you." "And if you need any witnesses, I can arrange that, too." "And you two hotheads can pick up where you left off." "You haven't left me with a word to say." "That's good." "People talk too much anyhow." "Now will you change your mind about that highball?" "Yes, I will." "And a great, big one." " Hey, Stella!" " Bill!" "What do you know about this?" "I've been wishing you would show up." "This makes it unanimous." " Hey, you look positively handsome." " I'm dressed up for the party." " Party?" " Sure." "Come on!" " Stella!" " Davey!" "Oh, I'm so glad to see you." "Boy, are you terrific!" "You look like you were born on Fifth Avenue." "You look pretty swell yourself." "How've you been, anyhow?" "Never better." "And where's that old son of a gun Charlie?" " I ain't seen him in years and years." " He's out of town." "Oh, that's a shame." "He's the only one of the old gang that's not here." "Well, come on!" "This calls for a drink." "Attention, everybody!" "Our own personal gift to Broadway, Stella Kirby." "It's like old home week, isn't it, maestro?" "Just in time for the celebration." "Won't you sit down?" " Uh, Miss Allen, Mrs. Dwyer." " How do you do?" " How's Charlie, Stella?" " Oh, fine, thanks." "That's good." " Stella Kirby!" " Hello, Stella." " Oh, don't you look elegant!" " Oh, thanks, Ruby." "Yeah, Stell, she hooked me at last." "I like that!" "After the way you ran after me begging me to marry you!" " You two are married?" " Uh-huh!" "Ah, that's what the celebration was for!" "Oh, congratulations." "That's not the only thing we're celebrating." "We're all leaving for Europe tonight." "We're going to Paris and London and everywhere." "Yeah, we're just getting ready to get poured on the boat." " You're leaving for Europe?" " Yep." "One of those horseshoes finally hit us and we landed a contract." "Oh, that's wonderful." "But it's rather sudden, isn't it?" "Well, they needed an American jazz band in a hurry, and we were just lucky." "Oh, lucky nothing!" "Why, he's got the hottest band in town." "And you should hear her sing." " You're with the band?" " Yes, I am." " She took your place." "Didn't she, Alec?" " Oh, Jerry's great." "One of the best." "Yeah, we wanted to make it a double wedding yesterday, but Alec was too busy seeing about passports." "Weren't you, Alec?" "We almost called the trip off after we got a look at our passport pictures." "The boys look like gangsters and I look like a washed-out moll." "Say, a couple of friends of mine from the press want you to give 'em a story about Alexander's Ragtime Band." "Oh, it'll only take you a minute." "They're just sitting right over there and it'll be good publicity for the speak." "Sure." "All right." "Will you excuse me?" "You better hurry and get your drinking done." "We got less than an hour." "Yeah, hurry up, everybody." " Sorry I missed hearing you sing." " Thank you." "I enjoyed your show very much." " How long have you been with the band?" " Ever since they started." "In fact, I was one of the charter members." "Then you must have met Alex soon after he came back from the war." "Yes." "He was still in somewhat of a daze from it." "I stepped in and sort of helped him snap out of it." " That was very fortunate for him." " Yeah, and for me too." "Let me tell you something, Stella." "There's one swell girl." "Why, everything Alec is now, he owes to her." "You know how Alec is." "Moody and funny." "And when he found out that you and Charlie were married, well, after all, that was kind of a sock on the nose." "Why, if it hadn't been for Jerry, he might have turned into a no-good tramp." "But she caught him just in time." "And now look at him!" "On his way to Paris!" "Compliments of the party over in the corner." "They wanna know if you'll sing a little song for them." " You know that one you did Sunday night?" " I'm on a vacation." "They're big spenders." "They're sure gonna be disappointed." " Sorry." "Not tonight." " Oh, please do." "I'd love to hear you." " All right, Bill." " Thanks." "All right, hold it." "Hold it." "Hold it." "Get "Blue Skies" ready." "Ladies and gentlemen!" "This little lady, before leaving for Paris, France and abroad tonight, is going to favor us with a beautiful ballad one that I know that you'll all enjoy as much as I have." "And that's saying a lot 'cause I've heard 'em all." "So here goes, folks!" "The one and only, the tops, Miss Jerry Allen!" "(# "Blue Skies")" "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a great celebrity with us here tonight." "I want you all to meet her." "Miss Stella Kirby!" "Sing!" "Come on, Stella, sing!" " Come on, Stella." "Come on, come on!" "(# "Blue Skies")" "Come on, everybody sing!" "(# "Pack Up Your Sins (and Go to the Devil)")" "Sorry to keep you waiting, Stella." "Mac, I'm leaving the show." " You're what?" " I can't continue on." "You're tired." "You've been on the road for ten weeks." "But you're in Chicago now." "We should have a long run." "In another week, you'll feel like a new person." "Oh, no." "It's more than that." "I'm only messing things up and ruining the show." "I just can't stay on, I tell you." "But Mr. Dillingham has great plans for you, Stella." "You can't throw opportunities away like this." "I'm an old hand at throwing things away." "Stella, this is something that I can't decide." "Mr. Dillingham will have to do that." "You wait here." "I'm going to get him." "(chorus outside sings "My Walking Stick")" "(# women scat)" "(# "Remember")" "(# "Everybody Step")" "Gesundheit." "I'm gonna take you home, put your feet in mustard water and give you a good dose of castor oil." "Over my dead body." "I knew you were crazy wanting to walk in this rain." "Come on, get out of the wet." "There'll be a taxi along in a minute." "Someday I'm gonna take a good sock at you." "Go ahead." "Right on the button." "Jerry." "Let's get married." "Have you got a fever?" "You sound delirious." "No, I mean it." "Now, tonight." "Oh, no, thanks." "You really don't wanna marry me." "You're just trying to avoid the bachelor tax." " Don't you think we'd hit it off together?" " Course." "We always have." " Then why not?" " Because you're not in love with me, Alex." "I used to think you might be, someday." "But I was wrong." " You mean an awful lot to me, Jerry." " I know I do." "But that's not enough to marry on." "Oh, I'm not complaining and I'm not asking for a thing." "When this is over, it'll be over." "There'll be no weeping at the bar, as far as I'm concerned." "Just remember that." "You think much too straight for me, Jerry." "Like the rest of you modern, clever women." "Come on, here comes a cab." "You can't talk yourself out of taking that castor oil." "Oh, Mr. Alexander!" "May I have your autograph?" "Certainly." "It's a shame to bother you like this." "It'd bother me a lot more if you didn't." " Mine too, please." " Thank you." "Pardon me, Mr. Alexander, but we're ready when you are for the audition in room B." "Thank you." "I'll be right along." " Whose is this?" " Mine." "That's swell." "Good comedy, boys." " But I want a ballad for Miss Allen." " We've got a million of them." "We'll be back tomorrow with a ballad that'll tear your heart out." " Thanks very much, boys." "So long." " Thank you." "Thank you." "Goodbye." "Will you come in, please?" "Well, Charlie." "You old son of a gun." " Hello, Alec." " Say, this is great." "How are you, anyhow?" " Fine." "Fine." "And you?" " Swell." "Come on." "Sit down." "Gosh, I've been reading plenty about you." "You must have had all Europe for a press agent." "Oh, they just happen to like American music over there." "Don't try to kid me." "I've heard you on the radio." "Good old Charlie." "How are they going, anyway?" "Oh, fine." "Still pounding them out." "As long as "moon" rhymes with "June," I'm OK." " I guess we're both pretty lucky." " Yeah." "At least we didn't have to go back to Dirty Eddie's." "Say, remember the night you played the concert on Nob Hill and I lost the music?" "That was a great night." "Will you wait a few minutes?" "I wanna talk to you but I got some people waitin' outside for audition." " You're auditioning?" " Yeah." "Then I guess you're the fella I'm supposed to see." "I'm one of that few that's waiting." " Next on the list, too." " You?" "Sure." "I got a couple of ballads." "One of 'em's pretty good." " Oh, great." "Let's hear 'em." " OK." "Ah, gee, I'm glad to see you, Charlie." "Don't think I'm not glad to see you." " How's Stella?" " I don't know." " What?" " I haven't heard from her in a long time." "She left town right after our divorce." "Divorce?" "You and Stella divorced?" "Well, sure." "It just didn't... didn't pan out." "I..." "I knew she wasn't in show business anymore, but..." "I thought maybe you and she were leading a quiet life somewhere and raising a family." "No." "Not Stella." "You know how selfish she is." "How unreasonable." "What a double-crossing two-timer she can be." "Now, wait a minute!" "Stella's the swellest girl I ever knew." "She never two-timed anybody." " So you're still in love with her, huh?" " Well, what of it?" "That's all I wanted to know." "Because she's still in love with you." "Same old Charlie." "And you're the same old hothead." "You were gonna sock me, weren't you?" "You don't know how close you came to having your ears slapped down." "Seems to me I've heard those words before somewhere." "Well, what are we standing here waiting for?" "Let's go find her." "I'm sorry I can't help you." "Miss Kirby left the show in Chicago and I haven't heard anything of her since." " Thanks." "Thanks very much." " Why don't you try Equity?" " They'll know where she is." " Thanks very much." "Mr. Alexander, Mr. Dillingham would like to talk to you." "He has a place for you in his new show." "I'm sorry." "I haven't any open time right now." "Perhaps later." "Goodbye." "Tickets, please." "Have your tickets ready, please." " Yes, Miss?" " Does Bill work here anymore?" " Bill?" "Bill who?" " Bill." "Used to be sort of a manager." " Oh, you mean Bill Mulligan?" " Yes." " Why, he owns the place." " He does?" " Could I see him, please?" " Just wait over there." "I'll call him." "Stella Kirby." "Bill." "Oh, you look positively handsome." " Where have you been?" " Oh." "Around." "I've been seeing the country." "And a very big country it is, too." " What have you been doing?" " Singing." "Cabarets and cafés." "Anyplace." "You, Stella Kirby, singing in cabarets?" "No." "Lilly Lamont." "I changed my name to fit the personality." "When I see some of these phonies making good today and think of you..." "Joe, bring us a bottle of champagne." " No, thanks." "I feel more at home with beer." " Just for old times' sake." " Seen Alec?" " No, I haven't." " But you're going to his concert?" " I don't think so." "He'd be the happiest man in the world if he thought you was out in that audience." "He's looked everywhere for you." " Just let him think of me as I was." " Oh, that's silly." "You're going to that concert with me." "I got a box." "No, I'm just killing time until my train leaves tonight." " Will you have dinner with me?" " Sure." "Good." "I got something to do, it'll take me about 20 minutes." "I'll come back, and you and I will listen to the concert here, on the radio." " All right, Bill." " Save mine." " Wish me luck, Aunt Sophie." " Roger, there's nothing to be afraid of." "This is something you've been doing all your life." "Something you believe in." "Just think how proud Professor Heinrich and I are of you, darling." " Good luck." " Thank you." "Thank you." " Where's Alec?" " He'll be here in a minute." " Here he is." " Well, here we are." " It's just like Dirty Eddie's." " Except the customers have clean collars." " Well, maestro." "It's your night." " Our night." "The Three Musketeers." "We fellas better get out there." "And don't forget to be good." "Ruby!" "Ruby!" " Ruby!" "Stella's back!" " Stella?" "Where?" " She's over at my place." " Well, why didn't you bring her?" "Don't argue!" "Now, listen." "When this concert's over, get ahold of Alec and tell him to beat it down to my place." " I'll hold her there." " All right." "When Bill..." "I mean Mr. Mulligan comes back, would you tell him I couldn't wait?" "Why, uh..." "Yes, I'll tell him." "Thank you." "Taxi, ma'am?" "Taxi?" "I guess so." " Where to?" " Anyplace." " Just wanna go riding, eh?" " That's right." " How about the park?" " Doesn't matter." "Would you like some music?" "(# "Cheek to Cheek")" " Where's that coming from?" " Carnegie Hall." "Alexander's Ragtime Band." "Sure can swing it, can't he?" "You want me to turn it off?" "Oh, no!" " You may leave it on." "(# "Easter Parade")" "Park's kinda pretty tonight, ain't it?" "Sort of springlike." " Are we still in the park?" " We're just turning into 59th Street." "Nice just cruising around." "You take most fares, always in a hurry, always wanna get someplace." " Sure you ain't tired of this music?" " No." "Swell music." "That's where it comes from." "That's Carnegie Hall right there." "But I didn't ask to go to Carnegie Hall!" "I know, but we gotta get out of the park some way and this is where we landed." "Driver, stop here." "I think I'll get out and walk." "You bet." "Nice night for walking." "How much?" " One dollar." " Is that all?" "Haven't we..." "One dollar even." "No more, no less." " Thank you." " Night." " One, please." "In the balcony." " Sorry, miss." "The house is sold out." " Then I'll stand." " No standing room left either." "Thanks." " Ruby, she's gone!" " Who's gone?" "Stella." "When I got back to the place, she'd beat it." " Well, didn't you leave anyone with her?" " Yeah, the taxi driver and he's gone, too." "Well, of all the stupid, clumsy things to do..." "Grand Central Station." "That's our only hope." "You couldn't find her if you stumbled over her." "I'll attend to this myself." "Come on." "Hop in." " No, thanks." "I think I'll walk." " Come on!" "Come on." "Get in." "You might as well hear the rest of the concert." "Taxi!" " Grand Central." " Sorry, lady, this cab's taken." "Oh, for goodness' sake." "Taxi!" "You shouldn't have done that." "I could have gotten out." "I don't feel like driving anyway." "I wanna listen to the music." "(# "Heat Wave")" "Well, looks like that's the end." "Yes." "That's the end." "You can turn the radio off now... and drive on." "I've heard all that I wanna hear." "You gotta listen to "Alexander's Ragtime Band." You can't go without hearing that." "But I don't wanna hear it!" "Turn it off, I tell you." " Why don't you wanna hear it?" " Because I can't!" "That's why." "Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to play "Alexander's Ragtime Band" for two reasons." "One, because I consider it the first, and best, of all swing songs." "And second, because it means more to me than any other piece of music." "Hearing it may take you back." "Playing it takes me back, too." "And so, if you'll forgive me, I'd like to play this song not only for you and for the people with whom you may associate it, but also for the people, and especially the one person, with whom I associate it." "Did you hear that, Miss Kirby?" " How did you know?" " Oh, I heard you sing many a time." " And you remembered me?" " Sure!" "You was great." "Listen." "Sing." "Sing."