"(cows LOWING)" "(SIGHS WITH RELIEF)" "(ZIPPING FLY)" "(MAN SNORING)" "Good morning, Mr. Basset." "This is your wake-up call." "Please move your ass." "(SNORING CONTINUES)" "Stampede!" "Stampede, Earl!" "Get out of the way!" "Get out of the way!" "(PANTING)" "You dumb shit." "(LAUGHING)" "I was in a stampede once." "Three hundred head going hell-bent for the horizon." "Now, exactly how many cows are required for a stampede, Earl?" "I mean, is it like three or more?" "ls there a minimum speed?" "I wish a stampede up your ass." "No breakfast?" "I did it yesterday. it was bologna and beans." "No. it was eggs." "I did eggs, over easy." "The hell you did." "Bologna and beans." "It's your turn." "Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too." "Oh, God damn it!" "I ask you, is this a job for intelligent men?" "Show me one." "I'll ask him." "I mean, if we were real serious about money, we'd quit being hired hands..." "Handymen, Earl." "We are handymen." "Yeah, yeah." "We should quit this job and find ourselves some real employment." "Are you gonna give up all this personal freedom?" "I don't know." "(VALENTINE LAUGHING)" "VALENTINE:" "Freeway!" "So, what's on the agenda for today?" " It's garbage day." " Oh, man!" "Already?" "Hey, what's Nestor paying us?" "50 bucks." "And that's 47 bucks more than we got." "Burt and Heather's place is closer." "Let's do their linoleum today and do the garbage tomorrow." "Nestor's not home tomorrow." "Now, look, we don't dig today, we don't get paid today." "Now, damn it, Valentine, you never plan ahead." "You never take the long view." "I mean, here it is Monday, and I'm already thinking of Wednesday." "It is Monday, right?" "VALENTINE:" "Hey, who the hell's that?" "That's not what's-his-name, the grad student?" " No." "He graduated." "Must be the new one." " The new one?" "That's supposed to be a girl." "(VALENTINE WHOOPING)" "You will have long, blonde hair, big, green eyes, world-class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up!" "Hi!" "I'm Rhonda." "Rhonda LeBeck." "I'm up here for the semester." " Yeah, geography" " Geology." "Yeah, well, actually seismology." "Earthquakes." "And you two must be Val and Earl." " I've heard all about you." " We deny everything." "(RHONDA GIGGLING)" "Hey, listen, I've got a question for you." "Do you know if anybody's doing any drilling or blasting or anything like that?" "(LAUGHS)" "Around here?" "No, ma'am." "Well, I'm supposed to monitor the seismographs." "You know, they measure vibrations." "Vibrations in the ground." "Yeah." "Well, I've been getting some really strange readings." "I mean, the school's had these machines up here for three years, and we've never recorded anything like this." "Well, we'll ask around." "You know, see if anyone's heard anything." "Thanks." "God, I hope they're not broken." "I might have to bag the whole semester." "Anyway, sorry to bother you." "No problem." "Nice meeting you." "Hope you get it all sorted out." "You know, if you wanted, we could take a look at those seismographs for her if you want." "What the hell do we know about seismographs?" "Nothing." "It sure might be a slick way to get to know her." "Why?" "Damn it, Valentine." "You don't go for any gal unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom." " Well, sure!" " Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end." "I mean, like that Bobby Lynn Dexter." "Tammy Lynn Baxter." "It don't matter." "They're all the same, dead weight." ""Ooh!" "I broke a nail!"" "Makes my skin crawl." "Well, I'm a victim of circumstance." "I thought you call it your pecker." "VALENTINE:" "Hey, pizza face!" "EARL:" "Melvin?" "Melvin!" "You touch that truck and die." "Oh, man, I'm really shaking." "Thanks, Walter." "Look, these are hollow points, but they're not Hydrashok hollow points." "Excuse me, I thought bullets were bullets." "Hi, guys." "What you been doing?" "We ran into that new college student, that Rona." "Rhonda." "Yeah, she's having trouble with her, uh, uh, things." "You know, those college kids turn up oil or uranium or something out there." "Next thing the feds will be at our door." ""Sorry." "Time to move." "Eminent domain."" "Down, honey." "Down." "Yeah, Burt." "The way you worry, you'll have a heart attack before you get a chance to survive World War lll." "We'll see." "We'll see." "(WHIRRING)" "Hey, guys, listen." "Bearing going out." " What do you think?" " Could be." "Catch you later, Chang." "We got a schedule to keep." "Oh, yeah." "See, we plan ahead." "That way we don't do anything right now." "Earl explained it to me." "(RUMBLING)" "(FLIES BUZZING)" "Cocktail?" "You bet." "(EXHALES)" "Well, I'll tell you." "Nobody handles garbage better than we do." "Yep." "Oh, come on, Earl." "Now this is low." "We have got to set our sights a little bit higher." "Hey, Melvin, why don't you give us a hand?" "Most of this shit is yours anyway." "Listen, run down to the store and pick me up a six-pack." "I'll pay for it." "Son, beer is for adults." "You know, not having a plan is what keeps us doing jobs like this." "Just doing jobs like this is you dragging your feet." "Are you gonna stand there and tell me, in broad daylight, that I'm the reason we're still in Perfection?" "You know how close I am to leaving this place right now?" "I'll call that little bluff." "How close?" "(TANK RUMBLING)" " Shit!" " God damn!" "(BOTH SHOUTING)" "Jesus Christ!" "God damn!" "Don't forget the TV." "EARL:" "Hey, what's that vacuum cleaner for, man?" "I like this vacuum cleaner." " Hell, you never use it." " Well, it's good for parts." "And, besides, maybe we'll hire a maid." "Now had you thought about that, Earl?" "Get in the truck." "Guys!" "Hey, guys, wait!" "Hi." "Sorry, Nancy." "We're not delivering firewood anymore." " We're heading for Bixby permanent." " Oh, sure." "Oh, my God." "You really are!" "Hey, Mindy, what's the count?" "Six hundred and forty." "Guys, look, I don't need firewood." "I have this big order to fill, and I have to build my new pottery kiln." "Come on, it'll be at least a month's work." "I'll throw in lunches." "And beer." "(VALENTINE WHOOPING)" "VALENTINE:" "I can't believe we said no to free beer." "We did it!" "We did it!" "We faced temptation and did not bend!" "God damn!" "Praise the Lord!" "Now there's nothing, and I mean nothing, between us and Bixby but nothing!" " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "(EARL WHOOPING)" "Hey, look at that guy!" "EARL:" "Oh, that's one job I'd never do." "Working around electricity." "Hey, hold up." "That's Edgar Deems." "Come on." "No." "He only wears that one damn jacket." "That's him, I'm telling you." "Man, oh, man, he sure must've been drunk this time." "Edgar, get your butt down from there!" "(VALENTINE SIGHS)" "VALENTINE:" "Well, shit." "We can't leave him up there." "(CHUCKLES)" "Thank you, Edgar." "You owe me on this one, you damned old boozehound." "One of these days, you're gonna have to get your ass on a wagon and stay there." "Jesus!" "It's not like I don't have better things to do than to climb towers and drag your hairy ass down." "Jesus Christ!" "VALENTINE:" "Was it a heart attack, Doctor?" "No." "He died of dehydration." "Thirst." "Well, that doesn't make any sense." "That takes a couple of days, doesn't it?" "Maybe even three or four." "You mean he sat up there three or four days?" "He sat up there and just died of thirst?" "(SHEEP BLEATING)" "(BLEATING EXCITEDLY)" "Hmm." "(SCREAMING)" "You reckon he hated Perfection more than us?" "Do you suppose he wanted to kill himself?" "Come on." "Somebody must've chased him up there." "What, you mean someone who ain't scared of a Winchester rifle?" "Then what'd they do?" "Camp out down below and just wait for him to die?" "What the hell?" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(EARL EXHALES)" "VALENTINE:" "What the shit?" "Hey, Fred!" "Hey, there, old Fred!" "EARL:" "Hey, Fred!" "Fred!" "EARL:" "This is weird." "VALENTINE:" "This is real weird." "{SHOUTS)" " Jesus!" "What the hell's going on?" "I mean, what the hell is going on?" "(VALENTINE BREATHING HEAVILY)" "Everybody get the hell out of here!" "There's a killer on the loose!" " What?" " A murderer, man!" "A real psycho!" "(STAMMERING) He's cutting people's heads off." "I'm not kidding!" "They're pulling our chain." "Yeah." "(SCREECHING)" "What?" "Shit." "(SCREAMS)" "Howard!" "Howard!" "Carmine?" "(CARMINE SCREAMING)" "(SCREAMING CONTINUES)" "Who could be doing it?" "I'm not accusing anybody." "I'm just saying, some of my cattle are missing." "Are you serious?" "Old Fred's dead?" "Dude, something like that." "Come on, you're bullshitting me, right, pal?" " What happened to Fred?" " No worse than Edgar." " What happened to Edgar?" " You won't believe it." "Here, I need one of those candy bars." "I don't believe this." "The phone is dead." " Walter, your phone is dead!" " I didn't do it." "Nestor, what's happening?" "NESTOR:" "Somebody killed old Fred." " MIGUEL:" "What should we do?" " What's going on?" "Now, look, Val, you gotta get to Bixby, and you gotta get the police up here." "And you gotta step on it." "Consider it stepped on." "Man, we decided to leave this place just one damn day too late, you know?" "Well, there's sure as hell nothing to stop us now." "Everybody we know between here and Bixby is already dead." "Look out!" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "ls there some higher force at work here?" "I mean, are we asking too much of life?" "VALENTINE:" "Where the hell are these guys?" "What are they doing?" "Blasting?" "(SHOUTING) Hey!" "Where are you guys?" "It's not like there's another road, asshole!" "Val!" "Val!" "(FLIES BUZZING)" " Jesus!" "I don't believe this!" " You're hung up." "I am not!" "(ENGINE STALLING)" "(ENGINE STARTS)" "You're hung up, I tell you!" "You're gonna burn the clutch!" "You know, you could break an axle like that." "Could you shut up?" "Hey, I don't need to spend the night out here." "Crybaby." "HEATHER:" "Could it have been coyotes?" "NESTOR:" "No way." "MIGUEL:" "No." "Coyotes didn't kill Fred." "Hey, it's Val and Earl." "They shouldn't be here already." " Thought you two were in Bixby by now." " You are never gonna believe this." " Mom!" "'on my God!" "HEATHER:" "Oh, Burt, be careful." "MELVIN:" "Unreal." " Where'd you get it?" " I didn't know we had it." " It's disgusting." " Some kind of snake?" "Looks more like an eel to me." "Eels live in the water, don't they?" " Big mother slug, maybe." " Don't touch!" "Relax." "It's dead." "(GROANS)" "Hey, it must've grabbed us!" "That's why the truck stalled out." "Next time I tell you I'm not hung up..." "Hey, wait." "This stalled out your truck?" "It'd have to be one strong son of a bitch." "Stinks, too." "I'll give you boys $5 for this." "$20." "'Qkav, $10!" "$15." " Okay, $15." " Damn right, $15." "I don't believe you guys." "Could be a snake!" "Some kind of mutation." "Yeah." "Whatever it is, just one of these couldn't eat up Fred and his whole flock of sheep." "So you think there are more of them out there?" "I'm dead." "Let's put this stuff up in the morning." "No." "We have to go to Bixby in the morning." " The cinder blocks are in." " Oh, the cinder blocks." "Oh, my God!" "Just keep looking at that beautiful sky." "That's the sky that's gonna be over our roof every night when we're done." "What if we don't finish the roof?" "Then we can look at the sky all the time." "Huh?" "(LAUGHING)" "Oh, that damn thing." "Maybe it's time we buy a new generator, huh?" "It's gone!" "What do you mean, it's gone?" "You sure this is where it was?" "It was right here!" "There's the cord." "Hold this." "Yeah, maybe the ground caved in." "There's a lot of mines and stuff around here." "Well, don't then." "You don't wanna fall in." "(ROARS)" "Let's go." "God, what is that stink?" "(ROARS)" "You hear that?" "Come on." "Come on, let's just go." "Let's go back to town or something." "Please, Jim!" "Maybe it's a geological thing or something like natural gas or a geyser." "They stink like that." "Remember in Yellowstone?" " Jim!" " Something's got me!" "(SCREAMING)" "No, Jim, no!" "Something's got me down here!" "(CRACKING)" "Oh, Jim!" "Oh, God!" "Oh, God!" "Get something!" "Get something!" "Get me out of here!" "(SCREAMING)" "Jim!" "Something's got me." "Oh, God!" "Please get me out!" "Help me!" "(SCREAMING STOPS)" "Jim!" "(ROARING)" "(SCREAMS)" "(SCREECHES)" "(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)" "Oh, my God." "(RUMBLING)" "(HORN HONKING)" "(WORM SCREECHING)" "(SCREAMING)" "WALTER:" "Mindy, smile." "Come on, honey." "Don't look so afraid." "It's not gonna hurt you." "I promise." " WALTER:" "Mindy, look up." "Smile." " Come on." "Hold it." "Melvin, get out of there!" " Old Chang, slick as snot, and I ain't lying." "15 lousy bucks." "A man who plans ahead..." "Look, we arm ourselves, we set perimeters, we stand guard." "Any of those snake things show up here, we make them extinct." " All right!" " Come on, Burt, get serious." "Yeah!" "You make it sound like a war." "What have you people got against being prepared?" " Where's the sugar?" " Rambo." "Wait a minute." "Walter's got a CB radio." "Why aren't you calling somebody in Bixby?" "The police..." "No." "We can't reach outside the valley because of the mountains." "Melvin, you're next." "Come on." "Sit down, look scared." " Okay." " MELVIN:" "Yeah." "The phone's out." "The road's out." "We're on our own." "You two are just loving it, aren't you?" "Come on, Nancy." "Let's don't get personal about this thing!" " We gotta do something." " Hell, yes!" "We are completely cut off." "We got the cliffs to the north." "Mountains to the east and the west." "That's why Heather and me settled here in the first place." "Geographic isolation." "Well, there's gotta be some way we can get help." "For God's sake, this isn't the moon!" "What are you gonna do, walk the 38 miles to Bixby?" "Hey, there's Walter's saddle horses." "That's it." "You're welcome to them." "Somebody could ride to Bixby." "That's not bad." "That's not bad." "Who's best on a horse?" "VALENTINE:" "Walter, they better be fast." "We don't wanna be stuck on a couple of canners." "Those snake things couldn't travel that fast." "Shit, for all you know, they could fly." "Here, what do you want?" "This colt or Edgar's old rifle?" "Rifle." "Hey, Earl." "Here's some Swiss cheese and some bullets." "Thanks, Walter." " You guys all set?" " Well, ready as we'll ever be." "Heather and I are gonna drive around." "We'll see if we can find that college girl, tell her to get her ass back into town." "Good idea." "We'll swing by the doctor's place and see if they went into Bixby or not." "HEATHER:" "Hey, wait a minute, guys." "Y'all gonna have to take something that packs more of a punch than that 30-30." "Why don't you take one of our Browning Autos?" "Or better than that, why don't you just take my Model 70?" "It's .375" "HH mag." "EARL:" "Thanks, Heather." "Well, I hope we don't need to use it." "(MELVIN SCREAMING)" "It's got me!" "It's got me!" "(LAUGHING)" " Melvin!" " NANCY:" "Grow up!" "Damn it, Melvin!" " He's only kidding." " You came that close." "Too close." "No more games." "Melvin, one of these days somebody's gonna kick your ass." "(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)" "Doctor?" "Man, I hate this shit." "Wait a minute." "The car's gone." "We just missed them, that's all." "Where the hell's the goddamn golden oldie coming from?" " What the hell's this?" " You got me." "EARL:" "Okay, here's the plan." "We don't even stop." "We ride like hell." "Tonight we'll keep right on going." "We'll walk the horses." "VALENTINE:" "That is the plan." "I mean, God damn, what the hell are those things?" "And how could they bury a whole station wagon?" "Why would they do it?" "(HORSE WHINNYING)" "Come on, boy!" "Come on, git, git!" "Walter wouldn't know a decent horse if it came up and bit him in the ass." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "They got wind of something they don't like." "Git." "EARL:" "Something's going on here." "VALENTINE:" "I don't see anything anywhere!" "(WHINNYING)" "(EXCLAIMING)" " Hey!" "Hey, you okay?" " Yeah, yeah." "What about my horse?" "What in the name of..." "That's how they get you." "They're under the goddamn ground." " Well, what the hell are they?" " Sons of bitches!" "(RUMBLING)" "Must be a million of them!" "(SCREECHING)" "Nope." "Just one." "Come on." "He's gaining on us!" "Look!" "We can make it!" "We can make it!" "(BOTH YELLING)" "(WORM SQUEALING)" "(BOTH PANTING)" "Stupid son of a bitch." "It knocked itself cold." "Cold, my ass!" "He's dead." "We killed it." "We killed it!" "FUCK you!" "(LAUGHS)" "(EXCLAIMS)" "Hey, guys." "What's going on?" "Did you notice anything weird a minute ago?" "I mean, it just..." "What's that?" "EARL:" "All right, together." "One, two, three." "(GASPS)" "Jesus Christ!" "Does it smell like that 'cause it's dead?" "I don't see any eyes." "Must be totally subterranean." " And those tentacles." " Yeah." "You know, I think they shoot right out of its mouth, and they hook you and pull you right in." "Good thing we stopped it before it killed anybody else." "Look, this is important, you know." "This is like..." "Well, let's just say it." "This is probably the biggest zoological discovery of the century." "VALENTINE:" "Hey!" "Hey, check this out." "I found the ass end." "(GRUNTS)" "Jesus, we really caught something here." "RHONDA:" "WOW!" "EARL:" "Man!" "That's one big mother." "This must be the old boy had your seismos working overtime." "Yeah." "Yeah, it must push itself along with these." "All of them pushing at once." "That's why it moved so fast." "I mean, this thing had sensors tripping all over the place." "No..." "Hey, Rhonda, you ever heard of anything like this before?" "Oh, sure, Earl." "Everybody knows about them." "We just didn't tell you." "Oh, hell, man, no one ever saw anything like this!" "We're really onto something here." "I'll tell you one damn thing, old Chang don't get his slick mitts on this for no measly 15 bucks." " You got that right." "(WHOOPS)" "All right, here's the plan." "We need a flatbed." " Yeah, right, with a winch." " Yeah, five-ton maybe." "No, no, no, don't wanna winch it." "Don't wanna winch it." "It'd tear it all up." " All right, a crane?" " Yeah, a crane with lifting straps." "Hey." "Hey, shut up." "The way I figure it, there are three more of these things." "What?" "Three more?" "I've got seismographs all over this valley." "Now if you compare the different readings." "Here's one at 2:00 yesterday." "But here's one three miles away at the exact same time." "Now that's two." " But here..." " Yeah, yeah." "We'll take your word for it." " Yeah, where's your truck?" " Just beyond that hill." "(SCREAMING)" "What?" "What?" "(PANTING)" " Damn prairie dog burrow." " Little sons of bitches." "(SEISMOGRAPH SCRATCHING)" "Psst!" "Psst!" "EARL:" "This way!" "Up on that rock!" "(SCREECHING)" "EARL:" "Looks like the one that grabbed our truck." " Where the hell's your truck?" "It's right over there." "VALENTINE:" "Oh, man, I don't think we can make that." "EARL:" "At least he can't climb." "Oh, man!" "Live ones smell worse than the dead ones." "(RUMBLING)" "Phew!" "I got it." "I got it." "They're mutations caused by radiation." "Or no, no, no." "The government built them." "Big surprise for the Russians." "Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record." "I'm sure." "Okay, so they predate the fossil record." "That would make them a couple billion years old." "And we've just never seen one till now." "Right." "I vote for outer space." "No way these are local boys." "Well, haven't seen a sign for hours." " Must be long gone." " Yeah, must be." "Hey, why don't you take a little stroll and find out?" "(SIGHS)" "We gotta do something." ""We gotta do something."" "I don't know why "we" always has to be "me" every damn time." "We, we, we." "What do I look like?" "An expert on worms?" "Watch it, Valentine, it's got a good six-foot reach." "Thank you, Earl." "Son of a bitch!" "Son of a goddamn bitch!" "Pardon my French." "Shit!" "It's been waiting here all this time?" "I mean, how's it know we're still here?" "Well, it's got no eyes, right?" "Sure as hell can't smell us underground." "I say it's been listening." "Of course!" "It senses seismic vibration." "It can hear every move we make, especially on this rock, it's a perfect conductor." "That means we're stuck." "That pisses me off!" "EARL:" "Well, I hate to be crude, but I gotta take care of some business." "VALENTINE:" "Me, too." "RHONDA:" "Same here." "(FLY UNZIPPING)" "(VALENTINE SIGHS WITH RELIEF)" "Thanks." "No problem." "Anytime." "Well, what's the plan?" "I think the first thing we gotta do is see if old stumpy's still out there." " Can I borrow that shovel?" " Yeah." "(ROARS)" "Doesn't he have a home to go to?" "That's why Edgar never got down off that damn tower." " I think I have an idea." " You know, we're gonna have to come up with some sort of plan, he's just gonna wait us to death." " Yeah, well, I was..." " Why don't we just make a run for it?" "We outran him yesterday." "Run for it?" "Running's not a plan." "Now running's what you do when a plan fails." "Valentine, you're not even trying to think of a plan." "VALENTINE:" "Well, it ain't like we got a hell of a lot of options." "EARL:" "There's always options." "We just gotta think of them, that's all." "VALENTINE:" "All right, well, why don't you start thinking?" "EARL:" "Why in the hell do I always have to do all the thinking?" " Who died and made you Einstein?" " You guys know how to pole vault?" "(GRUNTS)" "We just stay where he can't get us, on these residual boulders." "My truck's parked right next to one." "Stay on those residual boulders!" "That Tammy Lynn Baxter, she do much pole vaulting?" "Shit!" "That's pretty good." "That slimebag ain't gonna give us much time once we hit that truck." " I say we all jump together." " Right." "(STAMMERING) Wait." "Okay, ready." "One, two, three!" "(RUMBLING)" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Watch it, Val!" "(WORM SCREECHING)" "Move!" "Move!" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Could somebody, perhaps, help me?" " WALTER:" "Burt!" "Heather!" " No!" "No!" "No!" "The snake things are just their tongues or something." "These animals are huge!" "I'm sorry." "I'm having a real difficult time with this." "WALTER:" "Come on, you guys, answer." " Come back." " Hey, Walter." " Where's Burt and Heather?" " I can't reach them." "I guess they're still driving around somewhere." "Hey, Rhonda, what's the name you call those things?" " Where do they come from?" " Huh?" " I don't know." " You're a scientist, aren't you?" "Yeah, aren't you supposed to have a theory or something?" "Look, these creatures are absolutely unprecedented." "Yeah." "But where do they come from?" "Yeah!" "It doesn't matter where they come from." "No name?" "Ha!" "We discovered them, we should name them!" "Walter, forget the damn name!" "Now me and Earl think we better get the hell out of this valley." "Hang on, Val." "Let's not go off half-cocked." "Yeah." "Well, somebody's bound to come check on us, once they see the road is out and the lines are down." "Yeah, that's how it works." "(FLIES BUZZING)" " Or "suckoids." "Oids."" " Oids." "I like snakeoids." "One of them comes near me, and I'll just hit him with a five-pound pickax." "No." "You don't understand, Nestor." "They come up from underneath the ground and they grab you." "They sense the slightest vibration through the ground." "Even footsteps." "That's how they hunt." "Hey, so like we don't vibrate, right?" "Maybe they won't even come through here." "Maybe they'll leave us alone!" "NESTOR:" "Chain saw." "That's what I'll use." "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "Wake up!" "Now, look!" "You see, they're headed right for us." "Look, they trapped Edgar here." "Grabbed old Fred right here." "Nailed those two poor suckers on the road, and the doctor's place is right here!" "Now this valley is just one long smorgasbord." "We have got to get out." "I'm gonna go get Mindy." "Oh, she's okay." "I saw her playing down the street." "That's what I like, "Graboids"!" "That's it, graboids!" "Jesus, Walter." "We're gonna be sorry if we don't give it a name." "Okay, Val, you say let's get out of here." "So where are we supposed to go?" "Well, Rhonda's got an idea about that." "Yeah, see, they move very easily through the Pleistocene alluvials." "The dirt." "The loose soil that covers the valley floor." "But they can't move through rock." "So I think we should head west to the mountains." "She means up the old jeep trail." "If those mountains are solid granite, we'd be safe there." "And we could hike along them all the way to Bixby if we... (MELVIN SCREAMING)" "(MELVIN LAUGHING)" "I scared you, didn't I?" "You little ass wipe." "You don't knock it off, you're gonna be shitting this basketball." "Pardon my French." "Mindy!" "Mindy!" "EARL:" "It's gonna take us days to get back with help with Nestor." "We're not gonna leave you alone." "(MELVIN SCREAMING)" " Damn it!" "I'm gonna kick his ass!" " I'm gonna help you." "Melvin!" "Where is that little shit stain?" "(WHIMPERING)" "Melvin, get your..." "Get inside!" "Get inside!" " Run!" "Come on!" " Come on, get in!" "Jesus Christ, Walter, you got a gun?" " No!" "What are we gonna do?" " Be quiet, quiet, quiet!" "Where is he?" "(RUMBLING)" "(WHISPERING) Now remember, no noise, no vibrations." "(POGO STICK BOUNCING)" "Oh, no, Mindy." "Stop , $109 " "MIGUEL:" "Mindy, get off the pogo stick." "VALENTINE:" "Mindy!" " WALTER:" "Get her, Val!" " Mindy, come back!" "RHONDA:" "Mindy!" "Oh!" "(SCREAMING)" " NANCY:" "Mindy." "Quiet." "Quiet." "Don't move." "(RUMBLING)" "Mindy, get back." "Get back." "VALENTINE:" "Run!" "Get in the house!" "(RUMBLING)" "We gotta get him off." "It'll suck that truck down." "Go back for Christ's sake!" "Jesus, here comes another one!" "Run!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "(SCREAMS)" "(SHRIEKS)" "(SCREAMS)" "(YELLS)" "Get out of your pants!" "Look out!" "(GRUNTING)" "Run!" "EARL:" "Run!" "Don't look back." "Come on!" "Come on!" "(RHONDA GASPS IN PAIN)" "Sorry." " Rhonda, here." " Oh, thank you." "So, what are we gonna do?" "You know, how long till they go away?" "They got the patience of Job." "They sit and goddamn wait till they hear something that sounds like lunch." " We gotta have a plan." " I got a plan." "You and Val drive the truck up to the mountain, walk to Bixby, get some help." "Walter, those scumsuckers ate our radials." "Well, you can take my truck." "No, we need a major four-wheel drive just to get up that jeep trail." "That trail's all messed up." "(REFRIGERATOR WHIRRING)" "WALTER:" "Turn it Off." "Pull it back." "Pull it back." " I got it." "(WHIRRING STOPS)" "(GROANS)" "Give me your hand!" "Give me your hand!" "(GROANS IN DISGUST)" "Son of a bitch." "Son of a bitch!" "Come on, let's go!" "The roof!" "Come on!" " EARL:" "Jump, Rho!" "You can do it!" " No, I can't!" "I can't!" "Rhonda!" "Don't stop." "Keep moving!" "Oh, my God." "Hey!" "You Okay?" "MELVIN:" "Hey, what's going on?" "Where are you guys?" "What's up, man?" "What the hell are you doing up there?" "MIGUEL:" "Melvin, shut the hell up." " Get up on your roof." " MELVIN:" "No way!" "(SHOUTING IN FEAR)" "Nestor?" "Nestor?" "Nancy, get up on your roofs." "Up on your roofs!" "They come through the floor!" "I don't know." "I can't believe it." "No tracks." "No sign." "No spoor." "You'd think after eating all those sheep they'd have to take a dump someplace." "Yeah." "I don't understand it." "ON C.B. RADIO:" "Yo, Walter." "This is Bun'." "Come back." "Walter?" "Anybody copy?" "I'm waiting." " Walter, you there?" "Come back!" " Okay, I got it." "Yo, who's minding the store, for God's sake?" "Burt, listen." "We found out what's been killing people." " Say "over."" " Over." "Negative copy on that, Walter." "Check your frequency." "I'm on 22." "Come back." "Burt, can you hear me now?" "Over." "Val, is that you?" "What're you doing back already?" "Hey, Burt, something real weird is going on over there." "They're up on top of the roof." "Hey, I think they're going for Burt's." "Oh, man, they're going!" "Burt, get out of your basement." "Take your radio." "You and Heather get up on your roof." "We'll talk later." "Okay?" "Over." "Up on the roof?" "Val, what are you talking about?" "Damn it, Burt." "Just listen to him." "Something's wrong." "Burt, Jesus Christ!" "Get up on your roof!" "The things!" "They're under the ground." "They're bigger than we thought." "They're huge." "They're coming right after you guys." "They're coming right now!" "We don't see anything, Val." "What the hell are you talking about?" "Over." "Burt, they're under the ground." "They're under the ground." "They can dig like a son of a bitch." "Big monsters!" "Underground!" "Now get out!" "Hurry!" "(RUMBLING)" "Jesus Christ!" "(RADIO CUTS OUT)" "(DISTANT GUNSHOTS)" "(SHOUTS)" "Burt, come on." " Magazine!" " Here!" "(GRUNTING)" "(SQUEALS)" "Here!" "Broke into the wrong goddamn rec room didn't you, you bastard?" "We killed it!" "You got that?" "We killed that motherhumper!" "Come back." "Well, roger that, Burt." "And congratulations." "Be advised, however, there are two more." "Repeat, two more motherhumpers." "Burt got one!" "He killed one!" " Way to go, dude!" " All right!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Well, I guess we don't get to make fun of Burt's lifestyle anymore, huh?" "Say, Burt?" "Any chance you can get the other two?" "Come back." "Yeah." "One second, pal." "You didn't get penetration even with the elephant gun." "Shit!" "Good Lord!" "Val, we can't get them." "I never figured on having to shoot through dirt." "The best goddamn bullet stop there is." "Come back." "Let me see that." "Burt, listen." "Forget shooting them." "Tell me this." "Can you get to your truck?" " Over." " No problem." "Good, 'cause you have the only truck in the valley that can get up that jeep trail." "Now listen." "Here's the plan." "You and Heather go for help." " You get to the mountains and keep going..." " Guys!" "You guys!" " Come over." " Hang on a sec." "He's up to something." "VALENTINE:" "Well, if it isn't our old pal, stumpy." "Bastard." "Hey, Rhonda." "What do you think it's trying to do now?" "Why do you keep asking me?" " What the..." " What the..." "Gee!" "Wow." "What the hell was that?" "BURT:" "Breaker there, Earl." "What did you want us to do?" "Come back." "Hang on, Burt." "This bastard's trying something new." "(RUMBLING)" "Over." "(WORM GROWLING)" "They wasn't making no noise." "Why is he bothering them for?" "Well, it's like it's studying the buildings, trying to figure them out." "They can feel our vibrations but they can't find us." "Looks to me like they're coming up with a plan." "VALENTINE:" "Watch it, Nestor!" "Jesus!" "shh!" "Enough!" "(SCREAMS)" "VALENTINE:" "Get off the ground, Nestor!" "Get moving!" "MIGUEL:" "Get out of there!" "Get off the ground!" "EARL:" "Move it!" "Move it!" "(EXCLAIMING IN FEAR)" "VALENTINE:" "No, Nestor." "That's no good." "Come on, you gotta get higher." "(NESTOR SCREAMING)" "No way!" "No way, man!" "No!" "You guys gotta do something!" "You gotta do something!" "VALENTINE ON C.B.I Bun', Heather?" "Yeah, you got us, Val." "Come on back." "Over." "Listen, we're in deep shit over here." "We'll have to change that plan." " Burt, cut it out!" " I think I scared him." "No use going for help." "We'd be dead long before you'd ever get back." "Okay, Val, we're with you." "Just tell us what you wanna do." "Over." "Yeah, well, this one's gonna tear this town out from under us." "We're all gonna have to get out of here together, now." "Okay, Val." "We're coming after everybody." "Just hang tight." "Over." "Look." "(CAR ALARM SOUNDS)" "Val, you're gonna have to forget about the truck." "Yeah, we got you, Heather." "Now, look." "The situation hasn't changed." "We still have to make it to solid rock." "There's gotta be some way." "Like what?" "There's nothing left that can make it to those mountains." "Hey, Val." "Quiet, man." "It doesn't matter now." "They know we're here." "Oh, shit!" "We need a helicopter is what we need." " Or a goddamn tank!" " Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "The Cat!" " Could we take the Cat?" " Oh, Jesus." "It's slower than hell." "Yeah, but it weighs better than 30 tons." "There's no way they could lift 30 tons." " Could they?" "I mean..." " But we can't all fit on the bulldozer." "No." "No, but we could drag something, though." "We could pull a car behind it." "I don't know." "Hell, that old semitrailer." " Its tires are flat." " Doesn't matter." " That Cat can pull anything." " Well, all right." " We just roll on out of here." " We've got a plan!" "Of course, that's a hell of a long walk." "Listen, they only respond to vibration, right?" "Well, couldn't we distract them somehow?" "Yeah." "Good." "Something to keep them busy, like a decoy." "Hey, Melvin, you wanna make a buck?" " Eat it!" " How about the tractor?" "Walter's little tractor?" "Start him up." "Let him go out by himself." "Let those things follow him all over if they like that noise." "Not bad." "What do you think?" "(RUMBLING)" " Ground's getting closer, Earl." " Yeah." "I say we go with Miguel's plan." "Just hold on, Nancy!" " I'm making the run for the Cat." " Like hell you are." " Get real, Earl." "I'm faster than you." " But I'm best at driving the Cat." " Not while I'm around." " Look, damn it!" "Now listen to me." " I'm older and I'm wiser." " Yeah?" "Well, you're half right." "Damn!" "I lost." "Guess I'll have to do it." "I won." "I pick who does it." "Ready when you are, Miguel." "(ENGINE STARTING)" "There he is." "There he goes!" "He's chasing it." "He's chasing it." "It's going." "This one's going, too!" " Good luck, shithead." " Don't worry about me, jerk-off." "Shit!" "You suicidal son of a bitch." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Keep going!" "EARL:" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Come on!" "They're gonna get him!" "Val, stop!" "They're coming!" "Be quiet!" "Don't move!" "It worked." "They can't find him." "We gotta..." "We gotta make some noise." "A lot of noise!" "Hey, you sorry sons of bitches!" "Come and get my ass!" "Over here, you slime bucket!" "Come get me!" "(ALL SHOUTING)" "MELVIN:" "Come on." "What are you, scared?" "Come on." "Hey, what's she doing?" "(RHONDA GRUNTS)" "That did it, girl!" "God damn good thinking." "(GRUNTS)" "(WHOOPS)" " You okay?" " Yeah." "Here goes." " Here." " Yeah." "God damn!" "Armored transport." "Burt!" "Heather!" "Let's get going!" "Let's move it." "VALENTINE:" "Burt!" "Heather!" "Come on, let's go, you two." "We're headed for the mountains." "If that's how we're doing it, we're going prepared." "We can't hold still long." "These things are damn smart." " They're getting smarter by the minute." " That's fine." "We've got some new things to teach them." "(TRACK SQUEALS)" "(ALL SHOUTING)" "You see that?" "They're doing it again." "They try it every time I stop!" "Come on, now." "Jesus Christ!" "We're only going nine miles." "Yeah, well, those things are gonna be on our ass every foot of the way, right?" "NANCY:" "Just hurry!" "Burt, Heather, what are you doing up there?" "MIGUEL:" "Can't you see we're sinking?" "NANCY:" "Get in the trailer!" " What do you think?" "Max firepower or this?" " I go for penetration." "The .458, shooting solids." "Less ammo to carry." "Come on, Burt." "Move it!" "Watch these ammo boxes!" "EARL:" "Come on, Burt!" "NANCY:" "Heather, hurry!" " Tell them to come on!" " Okay, now!" "Now!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Hey, give me a gun." "I'll take one." "I wouldn't give you a gun if it was World War Ill." "Food for five years." "A thousand gallons of gas, air filtration, water filtration, Geiger counter, bomb shelter." "Underground goddamn monsters!" "Yo, there we go!" "Solid rock." "(EXCLAIMING)" "Any sign of them?" "Maybe they just gave up, you know?" "Hey, what's that?" "Damn it!" "What the hell are they doing?" "I don't care what they're doing as long as they're doing it way over there." "Wait, wait!" "Look out!" "Mindy!" " Mommy!" " Everybody stay here." " Burt, you okay?" " I'm okay." "MINDY:" "Are they gonna get us?" "What happened?" " Burt, you sure you're okay?" " Yeah." "MIGUEL:" "Earl, what happened?" "NANCY:" "What happened?" "They dug a trap." "I can't believe this." "All right." "Here." "(GUNS CONTINUE FIRING)" "Let me have my gun." "Hungry?" "Eat this!" "Everybody down!" "(WORM SCREECHING)" "There they are!" "EARL:" "Did you get one?" "BURT:" "I don't know." "No, there's still two of them." "Look, there're two different dust trails." "VALENTINE:" "Sure made them think twice though." "What the hell's in those things, Burt?" "A few household chemicals in the proper proportion." "Here they come." "They're coming back!" "We'll have to make a run for those rocks." "I don't know, Val." "That's a hell of a long way." "Yeah, man, they'll get us!" "They're sure as hell gonna get us if we stay here." "Hey, Burt!" "You have any more of those bombs?" "We've got you covered, Rhonda." "Well, what if we throw one that way, the way that we wanna go?" "Then when it explodes, I mean, if it drives them away, we run like goddamn bastards." "Pardon my French." "(RUMBLING)" "What if they don't get scared?" "What if they don't run?" "I don't think it does scare them." "It hurts them." "They're so sensitive to sound, they gotta run." "Oh, hell, she's got my vote!" "That's it!" "We're making a run for it!" " We're going for the rocks." " I don't know, man." "They're too fast." " You can't outrun them." "No way!" " Yo, Melvin." "This'll make them think twice." "Everybody ready to run?" "BURT:" "Heads down!" "(WORM SCREECHING)" "RHONDA:" "It worked!" "There they go!" "All right, let's go!" "MIGUEL:" "Move." "EARL:" "There you go." "Here." "Come on, Burt." " Oh, fuck." "(GUN CLICKS)" "Oh, Burt, you asshole!" "(GRUNTS)" "Mommy!" "Mindy, get up." "Get up." "(ALL SHOUTING EXCITEDLY)" " Get up here!" " BURT:" "I'm with you, honey." "Go, go, go!" "Burt, you asshole!" "There's no bullets in this gun." "Got you moving, didn't it?" "So, now what?" "Could we make it to the mountains, use Burt's explosives?" "No way." "We'd need 50 of those bombs." "Well, that's it." "We're not getting off this rock." "Well, we're not gonna pole vault out of here." "That's for damn sure." "Wait a minute." "What're y'all talking about?" "It's like you're giving up or something." "They'll just wait out there till we're dead." "That's exactly what they do." "Wait!" "Wait!" "For Christ sake, we could've made a stand at our place." " We had food, water." " You can't fight them like that." "BURT:" "So you two screw-ups hauled us way the hell out here?" "Hey, why don't you just back off, string bean?" "You know, we could've left your worthless ass on the roof!" "I wish you had, fearless leader." " Who the hell put you two in charge?" " Don't push me!" " EARL:" "Just back off, Burt." " Just don't goddamn push me!" "If them graboids don't kill him, I will." "What?" "They'd have torn your place out from under you in half an hour." "Come on." "Come on." "Just let it go." "Let it go." "Forget about it." "(MUTTERING)" "I know he does." "He thinks he knows everything." "(SIGHS)" "If it comes to starvation, I know what I'm doing." "Take one of these, walk right out there with the fuse lit and let them take me down." "Boom." "Good Lord, honey." "Now that's not a bad idea." "(CHUCKUNG)" "No, no. it gives me an idea." "Going fishing like." "There's one." "Straight out in front." "Let's see if we can keep him right there." " All right, how much we need?" " I don't know." "They're pretty quick." "Fifteen seconds at least." " Which kind of fuse is that?" " Cannon fuse." " What the hell you use if for?" " My cannon." "You guys watch yourselves." "Right out there about 30..." "Oh, man." "You're not gonna do your lasso thing?" "Just 'cause you're no good with a rope." "All right, get back!" "Come on, baby." "Take it." "Take the bait!" "Yeah!" "All right!" " Look at it!" " Yeah!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "VALENTINE:" "All right!" "RHONDA:" "Okay, one to go." "Damn!" "Where the hell is he?" "Hope he didn't wise up." "RHONDA:" "There." "Look who it is." "Give me that thing." "This son of a bitch is mine." "There it goes!" " All right, get back!" " I got it." "Come on." "Come on." "Come on, lunchtime, snot head." "All right, get down!" "Shit!" "Oh, my God!" "It's..." " Get back!" "Get back!" " Run!" "Get up, come on!" "What are you doing out there?" "(SCREECHING)" "Okay, let's make some noise." "Try to distract him." "Come on, everybody." "(ALL SHOUTING)" "Fresh meat!" "Wait, wait, wait." "This one's not falling for it." "This one ain't dumb." "He's trying to trick us." "Use your bomb." "It's our last one." "What else you gonna use it for?" "So what if we make it to the rocks?" "We'll be dead in three days anyway." "Well, I wanna live for the three days." "BURT:" "What the hell?" "What's the matter?" " Use the bomb, for God sakes!" " MIGUEL:" "Throw that bomb, man!" "Scare him away!" "Throw the bomb!" "This bastard ain't smarter than us." "For Christ's sake, Val!" "I'm gonna go for it." "Go for what?" " What are you doing?" " I got a goddamn plan!" "Where the hell is it?" "I've got it!" "EARL:" "This better be one hell of a great plan!" "Get ready!" " Light it, man!" "Light it!" " Not yet." "Not yet!" "Come on." "What are you waiting for?" "Go!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Too far!" "You threw it behind him." "Run, Val!" "Run!" "Yeah!" "Can you fly, you sucker?" "Can you fly?" "Well, it just suddenly hit me, you know." "Stampede." "(CHUCKUNG)" "(OTHERS CHEERING)" "BURT:" "Way to go!" "Way to 90, Val!" "Now, the second we hit Bixby, we start making some phone calls." "I mean, we could make some real money on this thing." "We could get in People magazine." "People?" "Hell!" "National Geographic." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Smile." "Burt loaned me his camera." "Yeah." "He gave us these tires, too." "It's all pretty exciting, huh?" "There's gonna be major research, and I'm gonna be in on it." "The first thing to do is take some pictures of that one we dug up." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Pictures seem like a good idea." "Yeah, well, thanks for everything, you know, saving my life and stuff." "You're welcome." " Maybe I'll see you sometime?" " Uh-huh." "Well, see you." "I know." "I know!" "I'm working up to it." "What am I doing?" "I mean, what's a woman like her want with a guy like me?" "She's going for her damn PhD." "Rhonda?" "Yeah?" "Well, I just wanted to..." "(RUMBLING)" "(MAN GRUNTING)" "(PANTING)" "(CONTINUES GRUNTING)" "(GASPS)" "(WHIMPERING)" "(PANTING)" "(RUMBLING)" "(EXCLAIMING)" "(GRUNTING)" "(PANTING)" "(BARRELS CLANKING)" "(GROANS)" "(RUMBLING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(GURGLING)" "(EARL GRUNTING)" "(PANTING)" "(GRUNTS)" "(EXHALES)" "Wildfire, you either walk into that other corral or I'm going to shoot you and drag your carcass in there." "Come on, Wildfire." "Come on, boy." "Let's go meet Susie now." "You'll like her." "You two gotta get together." "Got you!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa, boy." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Damn it." "(GULPS)" "Now you and Susie are going to make me some little birds or I'm gonna take some barbecue sauce to both of you." "(CAR APPROACHING) (SIGHS)" "Earl Bassett, right?" "I told you that's the other one." "(ORTEGA COUGHING)" "Sefior Bassett." "This is beautiful country, but very isolated." "I had great difficulty finding you, but I'm glad I did." "You see, we have had to close down one of Mexico's biggest oil fields." "Several workers have been killed." "We have now determined that the men were killed by" "certain large underground animals." "Graboids." "Ah!" "I told you that's what they named them." "Excuse me." "You mean, there's more of them?" "Yes." "The company is facing very expensive delays." "But more importantly, there are many isolated people who live in the region." "Many lives are in danger." "We need someone, an expert, to eliminate these creatures." "You want somebody to go graboid hunting?" "Si." "Sefior, please!" "Please, we have already spoken to your partner, sefior McKee." "He is unwilling to help us." "Sure, Val married a good woman." "Why would he want to die?" "Of course, we are willing to pay." "Of course, they're willing to pay!" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "(KNOCKING INSISTENTLY)" "Okay." "Fifty thousand." "Go away." "No,no,no." "He wants to pay you 50,000 for each graboid." "Look." "No way." "Not for any amount of money." "But for you, getting those worms would be a piece of cake." "Who are you?" "And why are you so dumb?" "Oh." "Grady, Grady." "Grady Hoover." "It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Bassett, sir." "I'm probably your biggest fan." "That Reebok commercial with you guys running through the desert." "So very cool." "You like that, huh?" "Oh, yeah." "Listen, could I come in?" "I mean, just for a second." "All right." "Great." "Thanks." "The Earl Bassett." "Oh!" "Yep." "I've read every one of these." "I got two copies of this one." "I keep one wrapped in plastic." "Oh, my God, you got your own one of these!" "I bet you made a fortune off this." "Quarter, quarter, quarter, quarter." "Well, somebody did." "It sure wasn't me." "Well, you must have got a percentage." "(EXHALES)" "I should have got a lawyer." "Wow." "That sucks." "Did he really say 50,000?" "Stack of Bibles." "(SIGHS)" "Forget it." "You boys don't know how mean these things are." "VVeH,okay, but..." "That was my big chance." "Yeah, but Mr. Bassett..." "You only get one of those in life, and I blew it on goddamn Big Bird and his scrawny girlfriend!" "Yeah, but 50,000." "Guess what she's doing there." "Who?" "Ooh." ""Miss October, 1974"?" "Yeah." "She's there to remind me not to keep chasing after things I'm never going to get." "But why wouldn't you get this?" "Earl, Mr. Bassett." "You're the expert." "You guys kicked ass with those things." "And this time, you'll be a step ahead of them." "He said the Mexican army is willing to give you whatever you want." "Dynamite." "(MIMICS LIGHTING DYNAMITE)" "Whaa-bam!" "Fifty G's!" "Maybe this is your big second chance." "Sefior Ortega." "You've got a deal." "Bravo!" "Bravo!" "And I'm going with him." "Muy bien!" "Muy bien!" "If you'll excuse me." "(DIALING)" "What?" "Why do you think I drove all this way?" "When he said he was looking for the Earl Bassett," "I knew opportunity was knocking, and for once I was home." "I don't even know you." "I drive a taxi, I live in a crappy apartment," "I watch too much TV, et cetera, et cetera." "Look, you're going to need a partner." "And how many people do you know who would actually want to do something like this?" "I'll do anything you want." "Carry luggage, make coffee," "Hghtfuses." "Well, maybe you will come in handy." "Ha!" "When they are eating you, it will give me a chance to get away." "Uh-oh." "Who gets the last soda?" "One, two..." "What?" "Scissors, rock, paper." "One, two, three!" "What's this?" "Scissors cuts paper." "Iwin." "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "Um... (CONTINUES SPEAKING SPANISH)" "(SPEAKING BASIC SPANISH TENTATIVELY)" "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "Welcome." "Welcome, gentlemen." "You made good time." "Sooner we get here, the sooner we can leave." "This is Pedro, the company's chief engineer." "Mucho gusto." "(ALL CHATTERING IN SPANISH)" "(MEN LAUGHING)" "I have all your equipment over here." "Oh." "By the way, I have some good news." "We are prepared to offer you double the price, if you are able to capture one of the animals alive." "Double?" "Alive?" "Have you ever seen one of these things?" "It is only a suggestion." "If it was possible to capture one of them." "No, now, you never know." "Earl, you never know." "Yes, I do." "I never should have come down here." "The army has sent everything you requested." "You have asked for some, uh, (CHUCKLES) unusual things." "(LAUGHS)" "Earl, please check this out." "Look, this isn't some kind of party." "I know that." "I just think we should show a little enthusiasm here." "(CAR DOOR SLAMS)" "Let me introduce you to Kate Riley." "Hi." "She is the geologist for the oil company." "And these are the men..." "I know, I know." "The monster hunters." "I saw you on Good Morning, America." "Or one of those." "Yeah, this is the Earl Bassett, the one and only." "That's right." "Nice to meet you." "Really nice to meet you." "I'm Grady Hoover, the new guy." "Nice hat." "Thanks." "Gentlemen, I hope to hear some good news soon." "Miss Riley will stay in contact with me." "Let us know anything else you need and... (SIGHS) Well, best of luck to you." "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "So, this is the place." "I'll show you around." "Are you thirsty or anything, you guys?" "Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am." "KATE:" "Anyway, we've been pretty nervous down here." "Glad you guys were willing to come all this way." "EARL:" "Yeah. it sure is in the middle of nowhere." "GRADY:" "Well, of course." "Stuff like this only happens in the middle of nowhere." "Hey, Julio." "Hey, Kate." "So?" "It's all clone." "They're all working." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Guys, this is Julio." "He's been setting up the seismographs they talked to you about." "Earl, Grady." "Oh, yes." "Yes, I've seen you in the magazines." "Oh, actually, I'm not the original guy." "You know, you must have made a lot of money, huh?" "The royalties on that video game alone!" "Ooh!" "KATE:" "Julio, we should be able to get an accurate count now, right?" "JULIO:" "Yes, yes." "You know, I have a friend who invested in that company." "(CRICKETS CHIRPING)" "Hey." "Oh, hi." "Come on in." "So..." "We were gonna look over some maps?" "Right." "Coffee?" "Yeah, black." "How were those burritos, anyway?" "Um..." "Good, good." "Yeah, sorry about that." "(LAUGHS)" "Pretty bad, I know." "But with the cook gone, that is the best we've got." "So, uh, how many of you are still working out here?" "Only the three of us." "They had to shut the whole operation down." "Six people got killed." "People I knew." "Oh, well..." "How come you stayed on?" "You're not scared?" "Shit, yeah." "I'm scared." "But I'm also fascinated." "It's..." "With me, fascinated usually wins." "Maps." "I'll get these cores out of the way." "Come on, baby." "So..." "(CLEARING THROAT)" "Have the graboids come near the refinery yet?" "No, so far they've left us alone." "They stay about 20 miles north." "That's where the workers were killed." "Who named them graboids, anyway?" "(LAUGHS) A friend of ours, Walter Chang." "He named them, then they ate him." "Hey, guys, look what I made." "(CHAINS RATTLING)" "Just, you know, drag it behind the truck." "Make, you know, make more noise." "(KEYS JINGLING)" "You see, graboids hunt by sound." "I'll probably just go hook that to the back of the truck." "Moonstrose." "(LAUGHS) Si." "ORTEGA:" "Mr. Hoover, come here please." "I have the monitor working." "Okay." "We've set up radio seismographs all over the place, so the monitor will show you where the graboids are." "Cool." "You know, this is none of my business, I guess." "But you guys are going out there alone?" "You don't want to take with you, like, the whole army of Mexico?" "Let me explain something to you, Julio." "Graboids, they got no eyes." "They hunt by sound." "Now you make a noise, even a little footstep they are gonna come after you." "Now we get a bunch of people running around... (SCOFFS) Graboids gonna spread out all over the place." "No, we want them all to come to us." "So you guys are what?" "You guys are the bait?" "That is the plan." "(SIGHS)" "Okay." "So, that's us." "That's our truck." "Seems like everything's working okay." "Sure it is, Earl." "This is a high-tech, professional operation here." "Hey, we got a good plan going." "Fifty thousand apiece, baby." "Ho!" "You know, I'm going to get mine all at once, just stacked!" "Well, if I make any money this time," "I'll invest it conservatively." "Hey, you shaved." "What?" "No, I just..." "I just noticed you, you know, shaved." "So what?" "A man can shave, can't he?" "No, you're right." "She's a babe." "(BIRD SCREECHING)" "(WHISTLES)" "Well..." "Here is where they are supposed to be." "Man, look at that country, huh?" "Yeah." "Not a lot of rocks and boulders out there." "Not much to climb on if we don't want to get slurped." "There's mountains all around." "You said they can't get through mountains." "I said they can't go through rock!" "These hills are alluvial." "Oh. "Alluvial."" "Wait a minute." "That's the little dingleberry in the back of your throat, right?" "You want to hunt graboids, you better know geology." "Here, you drive." "I'm keeping my eye on this seismo-jigger." "Ooh." "Good call." "(STARTS ENGINE)" "No offense, Earl, but you're nervous as a Chihuahua." "I'm not nervous." "I'm alert." "Whatever." "(CAR ACCELERATES)" "(CANS RATTLING)" "(VOCALIZING)" "GRADY:" "Those worms have to be deaf if they don't hear us." "Hey, take it easy, huh?" "(YELLING)" "(BEEPING)" "Whoo!" "Jesus!" "Grady, we got one!" "It spotted us!" "It is coming right toward us." "Well, that's the idea." "Yeah, I know thafstheidea." "Doesn't mean I have to like it." "Now stop." "Stop already, will you?" "Okay, time for the secret weapon." "Careful with that detonator." "Set it like I showed you." "How dumb do you think I am?" "Catch me later on that one." "(ENGINE RUMBLING)" "(ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING)" "(BEEPING RAPIDLY)" "He's coming in." "I think he's following it." "Of course he is." "I can't see it, Earl." "Earl, I can't see it." "Left." "Left." "Left!" "Okay!" "Okay!" "Wait." "Wait, there." "(ROARING)" "He did it." "He took it." "Okay." "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Get him!" "Oh, shit." "What are you doing?" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it, Earl." "(DETONATOR BEEPS)" "(EXCLAIMING) Fifty G's, baby!" "Fifty G's!" "Oh, shit!" "Told you." "I forgot." "(GRADY EXCLAIMING)" "(BEEP S)" "(BEEPING RAPIDLY)" "Man, this stuff really stinks." "Yeah, don't forget to get that antenna, too." "(MAN SPEAKING SPANISH ON RADIO)" "(RUMBLING)" "You left the radio on the ground?" "Sorry, I forgot." "(COYOTE HOWLING)" "GRADY:" "Is that a coyote?" "EARL:" "Yup." "(HOWLING CONTINUES) Man, he better keep quiet." "(GRABOID ROARING) (COYOTE YELPING)" "Yup." "(ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING)" "(GRABOIDS ROARING)" "He took it." "Hey, it's my turn." "No, come on, Earl." "Let me get one more." "Shit." "Rock breaks scissors." "I win." "Itdoes?" "(DETONATOR BEEPS)" "(LAUGHS)" "I told you one stick would be enough." "You're right." "That makes 300,000." "Apiece." "I'm feeling light-headed, Earl." "What are you gonna do with all your money?" "Invest it." "Yeah, of course, invest it, but..." "Even at 5%, I'll be doing good." "5%?" "You're talking mutual funds or CDs or something?" "That's right." "That's small, Earl." "You're thinking small." "See, I'm thinking big, okay?" "I'm thinking theme park." "Now, "Grady Hoover's World of Natural Wonders."" "(WIND BLOWING)" "Whoa." "Or, you know, maybe something simple." "Like "Monster World."" "Or "Monsterland."" "Or "Worm World."" "How about "Loony World"?" "Seems to fit." "Get off the ground!" "It's vision, Earl." "Vision is what separates the average... (DISTANT UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC APPROACHING)" "I know that song." "(MONITOR BEEPS)" "(BEEPING RAPIDLY) EARL:" "Jesus!" "Get off the ground, Grady!" "Get off the ground!" "(ROARING) Whoa!" "Jesus, man, those things are huge!" "(SHUSHING) Be quiet!" "Did you see that mouth?" "(MAN SPEAKING SPANISH ON RADIO)" "Oh, no." "GRADY: it snagged the chain." "(CREAKING)" "Can it do that?" "(GRUNTING) it can't be that strong." "(STARTS ENGINE)" "Son of a bitch!" "(ENGINE REVVING)" "Hit the brakes!" "lam!" "I did!" "It doesn't work!" "Earl, what do I do?" "I don't know." "Do anything!" "Oh!" "Cliff!" "Oh, no." "(SCREAMING)" "He stopped." "He stopped." "(PANTING)" "(RUMBLING) Oh, shit." "(CREAKING)" "Oh, come on." "(BEEPING RAPIDLY)" "Rock!" "Rock!" "He's going under it!" "Turn!" "Turn the wheel!" "Turn!" "I'm trying!" "I'm trying!" "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "(MAN CHATTERING IN SPANISH ON RADIO)" "GRADY:" "I'm all right." "You all right?" "Wow." "Chain broke right off." "Jesus, we're lucky." "Well, truck seems to be all right." "Earl." "That's gonna be the first ride in my theme park." "Doesn't anything ever get you down?" "Well, I'm blessed with a sunny disposition." "Most people see to like it." "Oh, yeah." "What does this do for your disposition?" "(MULTIPLE RAPID BEEPS)" "EARL:" "I think we're gonna need some help." "GRADY:" "Help?" "Who'd be crazy enough to wanna help us with this mess?" "(GUNS FIRING ON TV)" "(TELEPHONE RINGING)" "MAN ON TV:" "The big guns pounded enemy positions for 72 straight hours." "It was the deadliest bombardment of the siege." "Yeah?" "Hey, Burt." "It's Earl." "How are you doing?" "Listen, um, this sounds kind of funny because I'm on a radio phone." "It's the only way we can call out of this place." "Earl?" "Oh, Earl!" "Haven't seen you in a while." "(TURNS DOWN VOLUME)" "Well, I haven't seen you." "Guess you've been laying kind of low, huh?" "Laying low?" "No." "Negative." "I've been real busy." "Lots of projects." "So, how you and Heather doing?" "Well, she, uh..." "She's still visiting her sister." "Yeah?" "You know, she actually blames our problems on the collapse of the Soviet Union?" "Well, you did take that kind of hard, Burt." "Said I was too hard to live with." "Said I couldn't handle life without the threat of global war." "What kind of thing is that to say to a man?" "Well, I don't know, Burt." "I guess it..." "Anyway, it takes more than that to get me down." "(CHUCKLES)" "I've been running around so much, it's lucky you caught me at home." "Well then, in that case," "I don't know if you would be interested in this." "I'm down in Mexico, see." "And I find myself in a sort of situation." "What kind of situation?" "A graboid kind of situation." "Hey, you keeping an eye on that monitor?" "Yeah, I'm watching it." "They're just staying up north." "Oh, my God!" "MEN:" "What?" "Sorry." "Come here." "Come here." "Look at this." "I've been staring at this fossil for over a month, and I just realized what it is." "Hey, Earl, that looks like one of those spikes on their sides." "JULIO:" "Okay, it resembles one." "KATE:" "I think it is." "I really think it is a fossil fragment of a graboid." "Now, I know it's gonna take months of testing to prove this." "But I..." "Now, this is important, isn't it?" "Science has never determined their origin." "I read that in People." "And that's true." "But that's not the only thing." "You guys, this is Precambrian rock." "Precambrian." "Precambrian." "That means that this is the oldest life form on the planet." "I mean, other than, you know, one-celled things." "But look at that." "Wait a minute, now." "Older than dinosaurs?" "W33'" "So they're from Earth, right?" "Yeah." "Damn." "I always thought they were from outer space." "KATE:" "Doesn't look like it." "(BEEPING)" "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "Look at the size of that!" "Look!" "(RUMBLING)" "(TRUCK APPROACHING)" "It ain't no graboid." "It's something more dangerous." "Monster HQ, I presume." "Hey, Burt." "Good to see you." "Earl, good to see you." "This is Kate, Pedro." "Kate." "Pedro." "JuHo,and"." "The pleasure is mine." "Grady, Grady, Grady Hoover." "Yeah, I read all about you, Mr. Gummer." "Yeah, it's a real honor." "Yes." "Man, you think you got a big enough truck here?" "Is he the new guy?" "BURT:" "So, did you get me one of those seismo-monitors?" "KATE:" "Hey, no problem." "Hey, what the hell you got in this thing, anyway?" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Don't touch." "Don't touch." "Easy." "Mexican army gave me this truck and a few little items on my wish list." "Ho!" "(KATE LAUGHING)" "It's, uh, a bit much, don't you think?" "Maybe I'm wrong." "Hope I'm right." "Makes my homemade stuff look like cherry bombs." "Thermite, C-4, TNT, high-explosive, H.E." "ls there such thing as low-explosive?" "(CHUCKLES)" "VVeH,yes,son." "There is." "I mean, the federales offeryouanythingyou want and you guys take one case of dynamite?" "What the hell is this thing for?" "That might end up in my collection." "Hey!" "Got some new equipment for you, gentlemen." "Your backup weapons." "Can you handle a firearm?" "I'll check him out." "Shotguns?" "We're not hunting rabbits down here, Burt." "Not shotguns." "Double rifles." "Elephant guns." "Wesley-Richards 480," "375 H  H mag." "Cockdown power up the yin-yang." "Treat them well." "But hold them good and tight to your shoulder, or they'll break your collarbone." "So where is Mrs. Gummer?" "She didn't want to come?" "Why don't you get this stuff in our truck?" "Sure, no problem." "Look, man." "I really want to thank you for coming down." "We're in pretty deep here." "Oh, forget it, Earl." "To tell you the truth if I didn't get out of that house and do something, I was going to go crazy." "Heather's not coming back." "No?" "She called me and told me to send her the HK91." "Ouch." "Yeah." "So..." "Anyway, it'll be good to get into something constructive." "Oh, my." "What is this?" "Grizzly single-shot 50-caliber BMG, based on a World War I anti-tank cartridge." "Anti-tank?" "Had the bullets custom cast from solid bronze." "Man, Burt." "You put a whole new shine on the word "overkill."" "When you need it and don't have it, you'll sing a different tune." "Well, this is it, Burt." "Okay." "I'll patrol east." "You take the west." "You know, those are terrible for you." "You need complex carbohydrates." "Lower those LDLs." "I already gave up smoking, Burt." "What more do you want?" "Have an MRE." "A what?" "Meals Ready to Eat." "Freeze-dried, foil sealed." "It's got to be foil." "Plastic is not an oxygen barrier." "Includes entree, cracker pack, cheese spread mixed fruit, beverage powder, spoon,cofiee, cream substitute, candy, salt, matches, toilet tissue." "Shelf life of 10 years." "Here, take a few." "I buy them all the time." "Saves trips to the supermarket." "Oh, no, Burt." "We don't want to use up all your food." "No problem." "Brought 120 pounds of it." "Good luck, compadres." "EARL:" "Oh, man, this stuff tastes like toilet paper." "GRADY:" "That is the toilet paper." "(ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING)" "14 May." "1500 hours." "I have a confirmed graboid reading." "I'm now employing the technique pioneered by Earl Bassett to make my first kill." "(RUMBLING)" "(GRABOID ROARING)" "Subject has taken the bait." "Preparing to fire." "(DETONATOR BEEPS)" "(GRUNTS)" "(SPITS)" "Memo." "Four pounds of C-4 may be a little" "(DEBRIS CLATTERING) excessive." "(INSECTS BUZZING)" "BURT: (OVER RADIO) Yo!" "Grady and Earl." "I got one." "Over." "Yeah, we know, Burt." "We heard it clear over here." "Damnedest thing, too." "It had a big chain hanging out of its mouth." "Damn it." "Burt, you skunk, that one was ours." "Oh, yeah, son?" "I didn't see your name on it." "Over and out." "Why did we invite him, anyway?" "(MONITOR BEEPS)" "Hey!" "Pay attention." "(BEEPING) Whoa." "We got one." "Wait a minute." "It's moving away from us." "It must be something else." "Like what?" "A giant prairie dog?" "Well, shit, I don't know, Earl." "It's moving away from us." "Should we follow it?" "What the hell is the matter with him?" "We're making plenty of noise." "(HORN HONKING)" "I don't like it, Grady." "They are getting smarter." "That's what they do." "They got some kind of plan going here." "I tell you, these boys are up to something new." "They're digging a trap for us, 0F Playing possum." "Or something." "(ROARING)" "Holy mother!" "Oh, man!" "Oh, no!" "Shit, how could I do that?" "I've got to get to Burt's gun!" "Whoa." "Where is he?" "He should be all over us." "I don't know." "(GRABOID VOCALIZING)" "What is that?" "Can they do that?" "(SHUSHING)" "That's a new one on me." "Jesus, Grady." "What are you doing?" "Get off the ground!" "I know, I know." "I've got an idea." "Trust me." "Damn it, Grady." "Come on back!" "(GRABOID GROWLING)" "(SOFTLY) Earl, he's still there." "What the hell is it doing?" "I have no idea." "(GROANING)" "(GROWLS)" "Something is wrong with him." "Must be sick." "Probably ate somebody that didn't agree with it." "(GROWLS LOUDLY)" "Jesus, Grady." "(SPUTTERING)" "(PANTING)" "It's okay, Earl." "He's not going anywhere." "Hey." "We just caught ourselves a live one." "That's $100,000, Earl." "Oh, yes!" "Oh, yeah?" "What are you going to do, carry him back?" "We just wrecked the truck." "(GRABOID GROWLING)" "Oh, yeah." "Hello, this is Earl to anybody." "Anybody there?" "Hey, Earl, it's Kate." "How are you guys doing?" "Well..." "We kind of wrecked our truck a little bit." "You what?" "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "We're fine." "We are gonna need somebody to come out and fetch us, though." "Let me talk to her." "Just for a second." "Look, would you tell Pedro to bring that big old truck of his out here?" "It's got a crane on it, doesn't it?" "KATE:" "Yeah." "Whoo-hoo!" "It's going to take him hours to get there." "Whoo!" "Tell him to bring it out here because..." "We're going winch that slinky on board and haul his ass off to Monster World." "Will you shut up, and get off the damn ground!" "I'm off." "I'm off." "(MUTTERING)" "(EXPLOSION IN THE DISTANCE)" "Jesus!" "Damn it, he got himself another one." "The man never sleeps." "(DISTANT EXPLOSIONS)" "(OVER RADIO) Guys, Burt here." "Doing a little night-fishing." "Got three of them on a cluster charge." "I'd say we're about even now." "Over." "Come on, Burt." "This isn't a competition." "Who's competing?" "I'm just saying the score's tied, that's all." "Over." "Well, son, no, it isn't." "'Cause we just caught ourselves a live one." "How about that?" "Alive one?" "How in the..." "Well, that's just a little trade secret." "Happy hunting, Burt." "(LAUGHS)" "I'll bet that burnt his skinny ass." "(GRABOID ROARING) (GASPS)" "God almighty!" "Something's wrong with our worm, Earl." "Well, what do you want me to do about it?" "(GROANING)" "Maybe something's trying to eat it out there." "Coyotes or something, huh." "Well, they'll have plenty to eat, won't they?" "Come on, Earl." "We have got to protect our investment here." "We can't just sit here." "(GRABOID GROANING LOUDLY)" "Jesus, listen to it!" "Poor thing." "Well, don't you just feel a little sorry for him?" "No." "That's cold, Earl." "Where's that Pedro and that damn truck?" "Something ate it!" "In two minutes?" "Well, something happened to it, because there is nothing left inside." "Something came out of it." "What do you mean, something came out of it?" "Yeah, it did that thing that things do when they change, you know." "There's a word for it." "It turned into something else, like a caterpillar does." "Only I bet that whatever came out wasn't no sweet little butterfly." "Damn worms never cut you any slack." "I said, I think you all ought to head out to Rio Verde." "Clear out until we know what's going on." "Over." "(RADIO STATIC)" "Kate, did you get any of that?" "Over." "(RADIO STATIC)" "Shit!" "Now what?" "The radio's out." "How could that be?" "I was just talking to her." "(GRABOID ROARING LOUDLY)" "Oh, man!" "You know what that is, don't you?" "Yeah." "Another one's doing it." "There!" "There's Pedro!" "(SIGHS) About damn time." "He stopped." "He stopped?" "Maybe he's taking a leak?" "That's a long leak." "Hey, Pedro!" "Pedro!" "Well, maybe we should go over and see what's wrong." "Go over?" "You mean, walk a mile across open country?" "I'm not going six feet from that seismo." "Come on." "There's no graboids anywhere near us right now." "Now I say we go while the going's good." "(GRUNTING)" "You know, you could carry some of this stuff." "I got what I want." "GRADY:" "Well," "I can't say this looks good." "Pedro?" "EARL:" "Hey, Pedro!" "Man!" "This brings back memories." "Jesus!" "Looks like somebody took a can opener to the thing." "Oh, man, look at that engine." "It's torn to pieces." "Pedro!" "Damn it!" "Where are you?" "Hey, there he is!" "Pedro?" "Oh, God!" "Oh, God!" "(WHIMPERS)" "It's a whole new ball game." "A whole new goddamn ball game." "Well, you know what to do, right?" "Right?" "I don't know shit!" "(PANTING)" "Okay!" "Okay!" "We can hike over to that radio tower." "(STUTTERING) They have got to have a radio that's working." "We can call direct." "14 May. 1900 hours." "I've been out of radio contact for several hours unable to reach Grady and Earl or anybody at HQ." "The situation dictates that I return to base." "A further mystery." "I haven't had a single seismic reading in hours." "Yet I tracked one of the sightless brutes right into this valley." "Where the hell did he go?" "They do get smarter." "Is it possible he learnt to avoid the unique sound of my deuce-and-a-half's mil-spec engine?" "I do not have the answer at this time." "GRADY:" "No, no, no." "Don't tell me that's the radio stuff." "EARL:" "I can't believe this." "Oh, man." "Can't we ever get a goddamn break?" "If we get out of here alive, I'll count that as a break." "I mean, there wasn't even any people here to eat." "They're doing this on purpose, man." "They're cutting us off on purpose!" "(CLANKING) (SHUSHING)" "Quiet." "Quiet." "I told you they get smarter." "Hey, look." "Oh, yes!" "Yes!" "It's not going to have a key." "So I'll hot-wire the damn thing." "I like that." "(GROWLING)" "(CLAN KING)" "Grady." "Grady." "What is that?" "I don't know, but it's coming this way." "(GROWLING CONTINUES)" "(THUDDING)" "GRADY:" "Jesus!" "How big is this thing?" "(SNORTING)" "What the hell is that?" "Is that it?" "Sure ain't no damn ostrich." "How does a 30-foot worm turn into that little thing?" "(SHUSHING) it might hear us." "(VOCALIZING)" "(HIGH PITCHED SHRIEKING)" "Shit!" "it heard us." "(YELPS)" "Wait." "We got it!" "We got it!" "Ugly little toad." "GRADY:" "No eyes." "EARL:" "Wow." "Just like the big ones." "Earl, man." "We ought to take this one with us." "You crazy?" "What?" "(GROWLING)" "GRADY:" "Sounds like a bunch of them!" "EARL:" "Come on, man!" "Let's go!" "Let's go!" "GRADY:" "I'm trying!" "I'm trying!" "(ENGINE SPUTTERING)" "Let's go!" "(ENGINE STARTS)" "(SHRIEKING)" "(THUD) (SHRIEKING)" "KATE:" "Pedro." "Can you hear me?" "(RADIO STATIC)" "Earl, come on!" "Talk to me." "Burt?" "Anybody?" "God!" "What the hell is going on?" "Oh, man." "Hey." "(GASPS)" "Julio, man you scared me half to death!" "Sorry." "(LAUGHS)" "Shit." "You know the radios, they're out." "No, I know." "I know that." "That's what I've been doing here." "I think the repeater towers are down or something." "How can that be?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "Something coming our way?" "No!" "The creatures have completely disappeared off the screen." "It's weird." "Well, if the radios are all out, shouldn't everybody come back?" "Yeah, everybody should have been here a long time ago." "I don't like this." "This is not good." "Okay." "Okay, stay here with the seismos." "And then I'm going to go to look for them right now." "Okay, but... (SCREAMING)" "(SCREAMING) Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God." "(SCREAMING) No!" "(JULIO SCREAMING)" "(GROWLING)" "(JULIO SCREAMING)" "(SCREAMING STOPS)" "(GROWLING)" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(CREATURE GROWLING)" "GRADY:" "Get him!" "Get him!" "(GUNS FIRING)" "(CREATURE YELPING)" "EARL:" "Bastards!" "(DOOR OPENS)" "Kate!" "What are they?" "What are they?" "We don't know." "The worms changed somehow." "Now we've got these things." "Julio!" "Julio!" "They..." "I know." "I know." "We got them, though." "We just blew them away!" "Pedro!" "Did Pedro find you?" "No." "Theyjumped his truck." "He's dead, too." "Have you seen Burt?" "Did he get back?" "No." "I tried to call him, I tried to call you." "The radio..." "Excuse me." "But I think we should get going." "You okay?" "Yeah?" "Yeah." "(ROARING)" "Oh, no!" "Not again!" "(GRUNTING)" "They wrecked our car, Pedro's truck, the radio tower." "How can they be so smart?" "Let's get our butts inside." "GRADY:" "I mean, what the hell are we going to do?" "Let's get these windows shut!" "It's like they got the whole thing planned." "Grady, Grady." "Come on!" "All right." "All right." "How many of them do you think there are?" "All right, I remember, I remember." "There was three big sacks or bags in that one we saw split open, huh, Earl?" "Can't be more than three of those things in each worm." "Yeah, that's right, lguess." "Kate, how many big worms were left out there?" "You killed all but eight graboids." "I was watching." "So if all eight of them changed, that would make..." "Twenty-four!" "Twenty-four of those things left!" "How many have you killed?" "Let's see." "We killed one on the radio tower and one out there and one on top of the car." "That's it?" "Well, I'm sorry." "No." "It's just that..." "I mean..." "(RUMBLING)" "Oh, man, now what?" "(TRUCK APPROACHING)" "Thank God." "It's Burt." "(TRUCK APPROACHING)" "Yes!" "They didn't get him." "I think they did get him." "(PANTING)" "EARL:" "Burt!" "Burt?" "You Okay?" "Burt?" "I feel I was denied critical, need-to-know information." "Well, we're sorry, Burt." "I mean, they just changed all of a sudden, man." "We would've warned you, but they knocked out the radio tower." "Come on, Burt." "What happened?" "Well, when the radios went out," "I decided to return to the refinery." "But en route, I find I'm in an ambush situation." "Must have been a couple of dozen of these things!" "I dropped the first wave with semi-auto fire, but they just kept coming." "Sheer luck, most of them were in front of the truck, so I popped it in six-wheel and ran them down." "Ones that got on board, I handled with a combination of small arms fire and hand-to-hand techniques." "I am completely out of ammo." "That's never happened to me before." "Shit!" "Who cares, Burt?" "Sounds like you killed them all, huh?" "I hope not." "These creatures are very important." "You know, I mean scientifically." "That fact was not lost on me." "When it was all over, I saw one of the little SOBs was just stunned." "(GROWLING)" "So I detained him." "(BREATHING HEAVILY)" "Oh, man, it's drooling." "(G ROWLS) (GASPS)" "BURT:" "Don't let him spook you." "That line is 1,000-pound test." "Go on." "Haul him out of there." "(BOTH GRUNTING)" "EARL:" "Hold on to that son of a bitch!" "I'll get the door." "(DOOR CLOSES)" "(GROANING)" "(GROWLING)" "(SLURPING)" "(CREATURE GROWLING)" "(GROWLS)" "(VOCALIZING)" "(SHRIEKING)" "I knew it." "Infrared." "It doesn't hear us, it doesn't actually see us." "It senses the heat of our bodies." "See that?" "The thing that rises up must be the heat sensor." "(SHRIEKING)" "(SHRIEKING)" "You feel that?" "Gives off a lot of heat when it screams." "(SHRIEKING CONTINUES)" "That's it." "I bet that's the way they communicate." "The sound doesn't matter." "I mean, they make noise, but they signal each other with their body heat." "It only sees heat?" "Yes, that's not so weird." "A rattlesnake strikes at body heat." "That's why they tore up the cars, because the engines were hot." "They thought it was food." "KATE:" "Same thing with the radio tower." "That electronic gear puts off all kinds of heat." "So basically, they bite anything that's warm." "You mean, they've been acting so smart because they're so stupid?" "Now, that's not warm." "How does he know to eat that?" "It tastes it with its tongue." "See how he's dragging his tongue all over?" "If he touches anything he likes, he eats it." "How much can it eat?" "Those MREs aren't cheap, you know." "(BELCHES)" "Looks like he's had enough." "You're feeding it too much!" "You made it sick." "Give me a break." "Probably your nasty food made it sick." "(GASPING)" "(GROWLING LOUDLY)" "Oh, good God!" "(SHRIEKING)" "Hermaphrodites." "They reproduce without having sex." "GRADY:" "I claim the little one." "Hey, wait a minute." "It was my food!" "Whenever one of them gets enough food, they just... (MIMICS RETCHING) And there's another one." "And then one makes two, two makes four, four makes eight." "It's exponential." "Well, hell." "That gives them quite an edge." "You never see this in higher animals." "Ever!" "It's astounding." "Don't you guys get it?" "Oh, we get it." "We just don't want it." "I think the little one's getting big already." "EARL:" "I think we better think about leaving." "These guys have taken a completely different evolutionary path." "(ALL SCREAMING)" "(YELPS)" "They got into your damn super-food, Burt!" "(CREATURES SCREECHING)" "Let's go." "Come on." "The warehouse!" "We'd better close the warehouse!" "(SHRIEKING)" "This 1 Grady!" "No!" "Way" "No!" "Not that way!" "Grady!" "Grady!" "Damn it!" "All right!" "This isn't gonna work." "ALL:" "Shit!" "(ALL PANTING)" "(CREATURES GROWLING)" "They stopped." "They're just milling around." "Looks like they lost track of us." "Yeah, but that's not going to last." "We're like sitting ducks here!" "Well, I'm sorry." "It looked like a goddamn building to me!" "Well, why didn't you listen to me?" "Come on." "These little snappers are blind and deaf." "We've got to be able to beat them." "(GROWLING SOFTLY)" "I told you, they can't see us." "Great." "Now what?" "Now move with me." "Move?" "It's gonna work, damn it." "Now move!" "And step, and step, and step." "GRADY:" "I don't know how you come up with this shit." "I think on my feet." "Come on!" "It's working." "Coming at you." "Okay." "All right." "And down." "So," "(WHISPERING) where are we going?" "Are there any more cars left?" "Yeah." "One." "Julio's." "It's by the storage tank." "Which way?" "Left." "Move left." "Okay." "Ready and moving left." "And step, and step, and step, and step, and step." "Okay, it's not much further." "Oh!" "KATE:" "God damn it!" "There's one of them out there!" "Shit." "Did it see you?" "I don't know." "Well, if it had, I think we'd be hearing about it by now." "How far is it?" "Hundred yards, about." "EARL:" "That's a heck of a shot." "Mmm-hmm." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "You only got one shot?" "Then you've got to hit it, man." "Before it sends one of those heat signals to the others." "I know." "Cover your ears." "(GROWLING)" "Jesus." "You smoked his ass." "Doing what I can with what I got." "Good." "Holy shit, Burt." "EARL:" "Oh, no." "Pop the hood." "KATE:" "I got it." "I got it." "Damn!" "We're dead." "What?" "I didn't know." "How could I have known?" "We're supposed to be up against graboids." "I wanted maximum penetration." "Well, you've got it." "KATE:" "Now what?" "EARL:" "We can't stay here." "We've got to get inside." "Canﬂna!" "(SHRIEKING)" "(SCREECHING)" "Damn!" "(SHRIEKING) (BANGING ON DOOR)" "(CREATURE SHRIEKS)" "(SHRIEKING)" "Burt?" "Uh-oh." "Burt!" "(CREATURE GROWLING)" "Oh, no!" "Burt!" "(GASPS)" "No!" "Burt!" "It's working." "They can't find you." "Don't move." "Good!" "Good idea." "(BANGING) (GROWLING)" "Now, this is pathetic!" "Waita minute!" "I've got a plan, I think!" "(CREATURE SHRIEKING)" "Earl." "Earl!" "Yeah, I know." "I know." "I just need another second." "(CREATURE YELPING)" "(SNARLING)" "(GROWLS)" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Shit!" "Oh!" "KATE:" "That's great!" "Here." "Here, here." "Get ready to run." "We're going to head for those oil towers and climb." "(SCREECHING)" "Yes!" "Earl, you're a genius." "Come on!" "It's clear." "Hurry." "EARL:" "Go." "GRADY:" "You're okay." "They can't climb." "Watch your step." "Oh, God." "Oh, man." "They can't climb." "Pretty slick, my man." "Slick?" "Man, that was brilliant." "God, you really do think on your feet, don't you?" "Yeah, well... (LAUGHS)" "Hey, where's Burt?" "Oh." "Over here." "And don't worry, they can't even find him in there." "Oh, man." "I think he's going to be okay for now." "(SHRIEKING)" "Oh, I'm just dandy!" "(EXCLAIMS)" "So what do we do now?" "Hey, Burt." "Are you sure you don't have any more bullets?" "Did you check all your pockets?" "You know, as I lie here, I can't help but comment." "The reason I'm out of nine millimeter rounds is I was not properly briefed." "And the reason for that is this mission was not properly researched." "If certain people had bothered to gather intelligence on the creatures before bumbling into the situation..." "Knock it off, Burt!" "Nobody made you come." "...when we should've been packing full-auto, preferably belt-fed!" "(SNORTING) Shut up!" "They're Precambrian life-forms, Burt." "How's anybody supposed to research Precambrian life-forms?" "What difference does it make now?" "We're stuck on a goddamn roof with a bunch of whatsits trying to eat us." "I mean, I've done this before and I did not like it." "Oh." "Oh, okay." "Now it's all my fault!" "So, things didn't work out exactly the way we planned." "If I had the right tools, I'd finish the job!" "Please!" "Would you just all relax?" "Now, look." "Nobody's heard from us since last night." "Which means that pretty soon they're going to be up here looking for us, right?" "So all we have to do is sit and wait." "Okay?" "Burt!" "Okay." "(CREATURES SHRIEKING)" "(MIMICKING CREATURE)" "So I figured I wanted to learn some Spanish and six months in Mexico would be an adventure, you know." "(CHUCKLES)" "So, uh... (SIGHS)" "Seeing anybody?" "Not since the monsters arrived." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Well, you know." "You spend a couple of days almost getting killed, you start thinking about your future and..." "Thinking you should date more?" "Well, uh, yeah, actually." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Look." "I just don't meet that many women who can keep their cool, you know, in a situation like this." "What I mean is that, um, all that matters to me is that a woman can handle herself." "It's more important than what she looks like." "Thanks a lot." "Oh, come on." "You look great." "Enough guys have told you that, huh?" "Yeah, well." "Believe it or not, I made my living as a model once upon a time." "I put myself through college." "Ibeheveit" "I was a..." "I was even a playmate once." "(LAUGHS)" "About gave my dad a heart attack." "What?" "October, '74?" "Shit!" "(CLEARS TH ROAT)" "Yup." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "GRADY:" "Guys." "Guys!" "(CREATURES GROWLING)" "Oh, my God." "Look at that." "Goddamn little heat-seekers." "GRADY:" "What do we do, Earl?" "EARL:" "You gotta stop asking me that!" "I don't know!" "What's going on?" "What's happening?" "(CREATURES SNARLING)" "Uh-oh." "Smart little bastards." "GRADY:" "Whoa." "Come get me, you suckers!" "You hungry?" "185 pounds of lean meat." "EARL:" "What are you doing?" "You know you want it!" "(CREATURES GROWLING)" "(SHRIEKING)" "Burt!" "(CREATURES SHRIEKING)" "What is wrong with him?" "Has he got a plan?" "Burt's always got a plan, usuaHy." "(BANGING) Yes!" "Problem solved." "(ALL LAUGHING) Nice going, you maniac!" "Whoo!" "Burt, you did it!" "You tricked the little plug uglies!" "How's it feel to be so stupid?" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "BURT:" "Whoo!" "(CREATURES SHRIEKING)" "Oh, Christ!" "Did they find something to eat?" "What's in there, Kate?" "I don't know, boxes and supplies." "(ALL READING IN SPANISH)" "Sweet!" "Golosinas." "I know this one." "Snack." "Sweet snack food?" "Sweet snack food?" "BOTH:" "Rice flour." "(CREATURES BANGING)" "I didn't know!" "How could I have known?" "God, don't they ever get tired of eating?" "There will be a hundred of them." "Okay, we're going to run for it!" "What?" "Where?" "We're not going to make it!" "(BANGING ON DOOR)" "Look!" "Earl, I'm sorry." "I'm sorry I got you all into this." "Come on, Grady." "We ain't dead yet." "Okay!" "Come on." "Okay, what?" "What, okay?" "I've got a plan!" "Sort of." "You're going to squirt me with this." "That's great!" "CO2, it'll make you cold." "Right." "They won't see me." "Says who?" "No,no,no, they're right." "It ought to work." "For how long?" "We've got to try something!" "But what is the point?" "Look, if I can just get to your truck, I can grab some bombs." "Earl, this is nuts!" "Well, yeah, and..." "Let me do it!" "Don't be stupid." "It was my idea!" "No, I got you all into this." "It's my fault." "I'm going in." "Spray me." "(BANGING ON DOOR)" "We got to do it before they break out." "Now, blast me!" "Oh, Jesus!" "Yes!" "No!" "Rock rips through paper." "Huh?" "lgo!" "Give me that shirt." "I need the gloves too." "This stuff is cold." "You ready?" "Here goes." "(WHOOSHING)" "Man, this stuff is cold!" "Okay, here goes." "Lock this door behind me." "Lock it?" "Yeah." "I'll get the bombs and go out the other door." "All right." "(CREATURES GROWLING)" "(CREATURES GROWLING)" "(GRUNTS)" "Soundsfike it's working." "I can't see anything." "Over here." "Come here!" "Holy tamole!" "There's dozens of them." "Good Lord." "Waita minute!" "Paper wraps rock, doesn't it?" "Paper always wraps rock." "Damn!" "He's starting to melt!" "Earl, you're melting!" "Step on it!" "Come on!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "(SHRIEKING)" "(ALL SHRIEKING)" "Damn!" "They see him." "Rope!" "All right, we need rope or something." "Hang on, Earl!" "A hose." "There's a hose by the fire hydrant!" "BURT:" "Here you go." "(EXCLAIMS) It's too short!" "(SHRIEKING)" "GRADY:" "Did you hear me?" "The hose is too short." "Burt, hurry!" "(GRUNTS)" "(ALL SHRIEKING)" "GRADY:" "Heads up, Earl!" "Grab it!" "Come on!" "Go!" "Run!" "Run!" "Go!" "I set a bomb." "What?" "It's the only thing I could think of." "(CREATURES SHRIEKING) (BANGING)" "Kate, what did he do?" "Grady?" "Come on!" "Where the hell are the bombs?" "I don't know." "I didn't have time." "I just threw one in your truck." "You what?" "That's two-and-a-half tons of high explosives, Earl!" "You saying that's not enough?" "Oh, God, Burt." "Don't tell me it's not enough!" "Not enough'?" "Never mind." "Never mind." "Justrun!" "Faster!" "No!" "No, no!" "Keep going." "It's going to be big." "Big!" "Is he serious?" "Burt knows his bombs." "How big can it be?" "BURT:" "How long did you set it for?" "EARL:" "I don't know." "I just pushed it." "God, it's going to be big." "Big!" "(CREATURES SHRIEKING)" "All right, this will have to do." "Get down, stay down, cover your ears." "It's going to be big!" "Is it going to betoday?" "Grady, get your ass down!" "(SCREAMING)" "(DEBRIS CLATTERING)" "Hey, Grady!" "Grady!" "Grady, you all right, man?" "You Okay?" "Yeah. (GRUNTS) Thanks." "(ALL GASP) BURT:" "Watch yourselves." "Phew!" "Wow." "Wow." "You know, Grady, some people think I'm over-prepared." "Paranoid." "Maybe even a little crazy." "But they never met any Precambrian life-forms, did they?" "Look, I don't mind hanging around down here for a while." "Going to have any free time?" "Well, spend a couple days almost getting killed, you start thinking about your future." "Thinking you should date more?" "Well, yeah, actually." "Hey, Earl, I just realized they owe us for 28 worms, man." "Hey, that's right." "That's right." "We didn't die." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Although, we did kind of blow up their refinery." "EARL:" "Hey, that's just part of the job." "In fact, we ought to charge them for all those little ones, too." "(KATE LAUGHING) GRADY: on, yeah." "Hey, we'll have enough to start our own theme park." ""Grady and Earl's Monster World." Huh?" "EARL:" "Hey." "No way!" "Come on, Earl." "This could be like your big, third chance." "Is that the new guy?" "(MAN RESPONDS IN SPANISH)" "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "We are completamente seguros here because I've selected my position carefully." "First rule of engagement, know your enemy." "Second rule, know where to engage him." "Good, you've kept your engines running." "I want maximum heat emissions from these coordinates." "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "The time, 0500 hours." "The place, seven klicks south of El Chaco." "The situation, a single graboid reported in the area two weeks ago." "Only the third appearance of these underground carnivores in the last 11 years." "Unfortunately, lack of action on the part of local authorities has allowed the creature to metamorphose into the second stage of its life cycle, producing six shriekers, a voracious, hermaphroditic life form which can double in number every few minutes" "simply by eating sufficient food." "In this case, chickens." "(EERIE SCREECHING)" "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "A truckload of chickens." "Infrared monitoring now indicates the shrieker herd moving across the pampas toward us closing at less than 300 meters." "290. 280." "I've managed to lead the shrieker herd away from civilian population." "My tactical approach is utilize various maneuvers demonstrated by Sitting Bull at Little Bighorn and Field Marshal Rommel during the North Africa campaign." "The idea being to set up a proper kill zone." "I should take this opportunity to point out their zero tactical skills." "(SCREECHING APPROACHES)" "Lacking eyes or ears, they can sense only heatandu." "(MAN STUTTERING)" "Patience, mi amigo." "(EXHORTATIONS IN SPANISH)" "Nothing to worry about, because for once, I have the proper tool at hand." "Looking for a little heat?" "(SHRIEKERS SCREECH AND HOWL)" "Any questions?" "(CAR HONKING)" "Hey, Burt, welcome home." "We saw you on CNN shooting that cannon thing." "Dual .50 antiaircraft turret mount." "Good to see you, Miguel." "What the hell is that?" "Just some real estate guys out of Reno." "They want to cut up the valley into parcels." "That'll be a cold day in hell." "Well, that's what I told them!" "Hey, Burt, while you were gone, there was this conga line of cement trucks going up to your place." "What the heck you building up there?" "I installed an underground graboid barrier, my own design." "Big cement box, two-foot thick, steel reinforced, completely surrounding my compound, sides and bottom." "Now I can sleep nights." "(LAUGHS)" "Come on, Burt." "What's it been, 11 years?" "No reason to lower your guard." "Burt, welcome home." "Put in a barcode reader?" "Jodi, they can use that to build a profile on all my purchases." "Burt, welcome home." "Yeah, welcome." "Next, they'll want a sample of my DNA." "How have you been?" "I guess I'm getting by." "Getting by?" "You're doing better than your uncle ever did." "Hey, in retail, if you're not three steps ahead, you're one step behind." "You want your mail?" "Yeah, I guess." "(STUTTERS)" ""Perfection Valley Ranchettes."" "Uh-huh." "They've been making offers to all of us." "Shall I file it for you?" "Mmm." "Hey!" "Cool watch." "Gift from the gauchos." "It continuously updates its time to the nanosecond by connecting directly to the cesium clock in Colorado via ultrasonic frequency." "Well above our normal range of hearing, but it'll give a dog fits." "Right, right, right." "So, were you able to get me some graboid or shrieker parts?" "Beaks, tentacles, claws?" "Aren't you overdoing all this a little?" "Burt, this stuff is our claim to fame." "China's got pandas, Australia's got koalas." "And we've got these." "Even if they are extinct here." "Are you trying to turn the valley into a theme park?" "It worked for your friends, Earl and Grady." "I'm just fighting for my piece of the leisure dollar." "But this..." "This is your theme park kind of guy." ""Desert Jack's Graboid Adventure"?" "Who the hell is this yahoo?" "He moved in while you were gone, started this business taking people out on graboid safaris." "I don't believe this." "JACK: (OVER LOUDSPEAKER) Oh, believe it, ladies and gentlemen." "Believe it." "This is no theme park simulation here." "You are in the heart of graboid country." "These savage subterrestrials, these death-dealing denizens of dirt, first appeared about 11 years ago." "Yeah, you keep your eyes peeled, your mind and body centered." "These things can jump up at any moment." "What the..." "Just a jackrabbit, folks." "Just a jackrabbit." "Breathe and release." "There you go." "Yeah, these suckers," "I've seen one jump clear 50 feet out of the ground like a volcano, swallowed a semi-truck whole." "That's what I call roadkill." "I tell you, yes, friends, this whole area is a major feeding ground." "Now, just over that ridge there is where a simple shepherd named Old Fred lost his herd of sheep." "Yeah, and everything else from the neck down." "Now as I said, we're in the heart of graboid country." "Right in the heart of it!" "Whoa!" "JACK:" "Looks like we got company, folks." "Man." "Is that a graboid?" "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, looks like it." "Now, get back, son, you're going to lose a limb now." "(ENGINE SPUTTERING)" "Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!" "BOY:" "Hey, calm down, lady!" "It's flooded!" "(ENGINE SPUTTERING)" "Has it spotted us yet?" "Oh, I don't know." "I can't tell yet." "But it's bigger than I've ever seen." "Whoa." "Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!" "BOY:" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Here it comes!" "JACK:" "Take control of yourself." "Don't panic now." "Keep going." "Come on." "Moving in." "Well, we'd better get the hell out of Dodge!" "Come on now." "We got it." "It's called divine intervention." "All right, just stick with Jack, you're going to make it back." "That's one." "I think he picked up our scent." "I thought they only hunt by sound." "That's what I meant, sound." "(WOMAN SCREAMS)" "Four!" "All right, baby." "Been waiting for you." "Come to daddy." "Come on now, hop on this here rock." "Here you go." "Here you go." "Give me your hand, darling." "Come on, come one." "Here you go." "There you go." "All right, all right." "Hang on to your hat now." "Here's the rest of us." "All right." "We got everybody now?" "Let's see here, one, two, three, four, five." "All right, that's good, that's good." "Well, I think we just best wait it out a spell." "How long do you think it will be?" "Well, ma'am, time is the eternal river." "Isuggest we not swim upstream." "Damn, it's hot out here." "Anybody up for an ice cold beer?" "All right, I got $3 a bottle, domestic, $4.50, imported." "Also, might I recommend my fresh fruit juices?" "Monster Mango." "Graboid Grape." "And for a buck extra, you can keep the souvenir glass." "Glows in the dark." "Right there." "Look at that." "RECORDING:" "Please enter access code, or Level One security program will be activated in 10 seconds." "Nine seconds, eight seconds, seven seconds, six seconds, five seconds..." "Mr. Jack thanks you for your business." "I'd say we got pretty lucky out there today." "Oh, absolutely." "Man, all we saw was dust." "That's all you want to see, believe me, son." "Y'all stay on the blacktop now till you're clear out of the valley." "Tell your friends about us." "JACK:" "Got to restock the cooler here." "Um, by the way, you didn't pay me for that bag of ice this morning." "Yeah, well, you know, I thought it was complimentary ice." "I'm in business here, Jack." "Yeah, so am I." "And I've been thinking you ought to sell me my refreshments at wholesale." "Because?" "It's a natural part of our symbiotic relationship." "Oh, symbiotic relationship." "That's a good one, Jack." "You see, Jodi, all things are related." "My business brings business to your business." "Probably like an increase of about approximately around 50%." "(CHUCKLES)" "Actually," "22%, with questionable sustainability." "Questionable sustainability?" "Do you have a business plan?" "I try not to plan too much." "I trust in the ebb and the flow of the universe." "You have to plan to be a viable entity in today's economic landscape." "See, me, I'm in phase three of establishing my product identity." "You know, L.L.Bean, canoe-y, outdoorsy." "Land's End, golf club-y, sailboat-y." "Oh, I see." "I see." "I see." "Chang's Market." "Is that, you know, that, kind of desert-y, underground monster-y?" "Exactly." "All righty." "Well, I sure hope nothing stops you from becoming a viable entity because I hate when that happens." "Hey, I'm billing you for that complimentary ice. (DOOR CLOSES)" "(DEEP UNDERGROUND RUMBLING)" "You know, I really like this clay." "It doesn't crack in the kiln, but it is so expensive." "Oh, I can get 10% off if you order 200 pounds." "Yeah, I can't even afford that." "Hi, Jodi." "Hey, Mindy." "Can you give these to Jack for me when he comes in?" "Oh, sure." "Just throw them on the table." "Thanks." "Hey, Mindy." "I think Jack was expecting you to sew those pants, not just stick tape on them." "Mom, tape is a total statement." "People like Jack and I understand that." "Oh, I was into safety pins, myself." "Hey, Burt." "Hey, Mindy." "I thought you were off at school." "Mom didn't tell you?" "I had to drop out." "We couldn't afford the tuition." "So, I'm back working at the Arby's down in Bixby, and trying to survive my mother." "Well, I hope things work out." "Thanks." "JACK:" "Beer is inside." "There you go." "Watch your step." "Mr. Gummer?" "Isthatyou?" "It is, isn't it?" "Ah, damn!" "Real pleasure to meet you, sir." "Jack Sawyer." "Listen, you know, I've started up this little tour business, you know, kind of an homage to you guys." "And I would be honored if you'd consider being a part of it." "Sign a few autographs, maybe a little weapons demonstration." "MILTON:" "Mom, take a picture of me with the tremor." "Oh, cute idea." "(CAMERA CLICKS)" "They're called graboids." "Hey, come on over here, folks." "Look who I've got for you." "Come on down." "The legendary Mr. Burt Gummer himself." "Mom, it's the gun guy." "Oh, it is." "Here, Milton." "Stand right here, up straight." "You don't mind, do you?" "Straight, honey." "Nice and tall." "Taller." "Say "graboids." Graboids." "(CAMERA CLICKS) Oh, great." "Thank you so much, Mr. Goober." "Come on, honey." "You had that look on your face." "What was that about?" "MILTON:" "Don't start, Mom." "They're out of their gourd right now." "I've been listening to my inner voice, and it's telling me you and I are destined to work together." "So what do you think?" "I think if I had an inner voice, it'd be telling me to tell you to get lost." "(ENGINE STARTING)" "Well, you know, take your time." "Right, you just think about it, and get back to me now." "He'll come around." "Buford!" "Get your head out of your pants, boy." "I was just looking at the scenery." "Drooling on yourself." "Now go on and set up for the next group." "Well, you don't have to be so mean." "Boy, you're about as sharp as a bowling ball." "Oh, yeah, tough guy" "Hi, Mindy." "So, that skull was ripped wide open, boy." "eyeballs popping out." "ugly!" "Now as I said, you're in the heart of graboid country." "Yeah, you're right in the heart of it." "Let me tell you something, boys." "You're right in the frigging heart of it!" "WOMAN:" "Honey, did you see that?" "Sweet Jesus!" "Look!" "JACK:" "Uh-Oh." "(ENGINE SPUTTERING)" "JACK:" "Having a little engine trouble, folks." "Stay calm." "Stay calm." "WOMAN:" "Where is it?" "If you just stick with Jack, you'll make it back." "Hold on to your hats." "Help, help, graboid attack." "This is what you guys do all day?" "I mean, no offense, Buford, but it's, like, tragically lame." "Huh?" "This is a good living." "I mean, especially compared to what I was doing before." "Which was?" "Well, I was shoveling roadkill for the county." "Okay, I get you." "But why is a guy like Jack wasting his time scamming yahoos with this Scooby-Doo routine?" "I mean, I bet there's a zillion better things a guy like that could do." "I bet he's nursing a broken heart." "Or something totally tragic." "I bet he's just dying to talk to somebody who understands him." "All right, we got everybody now?" "Damn, it's hot out here." "Anybody up for an ice cold beer?" "You know, I couldn't help butnoﬂce that you're getting awfully red out here in the sun." "(DEEP UNDERGROUND RUMBLING)" "Do you have to keep doing that?" "When is this tour going to be over, anyway?" "You don't enjoy my company, huh?" "A man could take offense at that." "(SCREAMS)" "What's that?" "(BUFORD SCREAMS)" "Help!" "Help!" "MINDY:" "Freeze!" "(MOUTHING) Don't move." "(CAMERA CLICKING)" "Is he all right?" "(DEEP UNDERGROUND RUMBLING)" "(MOUTHING)" "(GULPS)" "(HISSES)" "(MOUTHING)" "(KEYS CLATTER)" "JACK:" "Come on, give me your hand!" "What the hell?" "This thing's not even real!" "Everybody, shut up!" "Who's that?" "Shut up and listen to her!" "Who's that other guy?" "ALL:" "Shut the hell up!" "Okay, Jack's jeep can outrun it, but we have to create a diversion, some noise!" "Everybody, grab something." "Here." "Like what?" "Like anything." "Okay, we're going to throw stuff out that way, and then we're going to pile in the jeep and haul ass this way." "Got it?" "Okay." "On three." "One, two, three!" "Okay!" "MINDY:" "Move!" "(CAMERA CLICKING)" "Hey, where's my camera?" "You threw away my brand-new camera?" "(RAPID ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "This time, we're ready for you." "(SIREN BLARES)" "This shipment of graboid has four tentacles instead of three." "They look ridiculous." "Nobody is going to buy them!" "What the hell is that?" "It's Burt's siren." "The graboid ladder?" "It can't be real, Nancy." "Burt wouldn't blow the siren unless it was for real, come on." "Oh, God, I hope Mindy's okay." "I hope she doesn't do something stupid." "I'm not paying for them!" "MAN:" "Well, if you ask me, there's something very amateurish about this whole operation." "I mean, you take people into a life-or-death situation, and you don't even have a real gun?" "Are you even licensed to do this?" "Look, you wanted to see a graboid, and you saw a graboid!" "So I strongly advise you, hit the highway and don't stop till you reach Seattle." "Well, I expect you to pay for that camera!" "Mindy!" "Thank God!" "What's going on?" "Mom, they're back." "We just made it out of there." "Graboids?" "Live ones?" "Burt, we found one." "Son of a bitch killed Buford." "I mean, just boom and he was gone." "The thing is like the size of a whale." "Yep, I've seen them." "Burt, is it okay?" "Can we come down?" "Yeah, come on down." "They're not close." "You check the seismo-monitor I gave you?" "Well, it's not working very well." "I think the batteries are dead or something." "Come on, Burt." "It's been, what, 11 years?" "(RADIO CRACKLES)" "Yeah, Burt here." "Talk to me." "Hey, Burt, was that siren noise for real, man?" "Affirmative." "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "You on your roof?" "Damn right, I'm on my roof." "You check your seismo-monitor?" "Any graboid activity nearyourranch?" "Burt, that aerial thing, it got bent, man." "I've been meaning to fix it." "Well, now it's all hands on deck, Miguel." "So I suggest you bug out ASAP, maintain a steady speed on your truck, and report to HQ at Chang's." "You copy that?" "(cows BELLOW)" "(DEEP UNDERGROUND RUMBLING)" "BURT:" "The good news is there's only three of them." "How do you know that?" "A few years ago, I installed a geophone monitoring system around the valley." "Data transmits to my laptop, gets triangulated." "It's all based on Rhonda LeBeck's geological research." "I sell all her books." "The comics were better." "Totally." "(CLEARS TH ROAT)" "They're moving slowly down from the north, just like last time." "From Jasmer Quadrangle, straight down the valley into Calypso Quadrangle." "Huh?" "I think he means Cactus Flats." "(WHISPERS) Why can't he just say it?" "(CLEARS TH ROAT)" "So, what do we do?" "Your little jungle boat ride is over, mister." "Time to fish or cut bait." "Yeah, yeah." "So what do we do?" "Burt, excuse me, but we're not cut off this time." "We don't have to act like a bunch of militia nitwits." "We can call for help." "Nancy, since no one here has bothered to maintain or monitor their seismic equipment, we have no idea how long the graboids been active, and therefore, have no idea when they may become shriekers!" "We can't wait for the authorities to bumble into this." "We are the authorities." "So, what do we do?" "We hunt them down." "We wipe them out." "We go at dawn." "These are perfect." "How many do you have in stock?" "Eleven." "Need to requisition all of them." "Whoa!" "Requisition?" "Does that mean I'm getting reimbursed?" "Not today." "How does this work?" "Hunting them with a toy truck?" "Graboids hunt by sensing..." "Sound." "I know, I know." "So a graboid hears the toy truck, goes after it just like a cat to catnip." "It's in the comic books." "The second he swallows it, you detonate the explosive." "Boom!" "End of worm." "Explosive?" "And where are we going to get the explosive?" "This, not being an officially sanctioned event," "I've provided something of my own design." "Don't worry about Burt." "He knows what he's doing." "It's, like, his thing." "Put these on my tab, okay?" "Let's mount up and move out." "You don't have a tab!" "Jack, I'm going with you." "No, you're not." "Yes, sir?" "Good morning, Mr. Gummer." "Morning." "Agent Frank Statler." "My cousin, he already went back to Mexico." "Hey, I've already filed for my business license." "The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed." "Hey, hey, hey." "Department of the Interior." "This gentleman is Field Agent Rusk of the BLM, and Dr. Andrew Merliss, Director of Paleontology at the Smithsonian." "Look, we don't have time to chat." "We've got work to do." "Not if it's hunting graboids, you don't." "I called them, Burt." "STATLER:" "I've been granted authority to insure adherence to Section 1472-B of the Endangered Species Act, which specifically guards the welfare of large-class desert reptilians." "I'm enforcing an immediate ban on all hunting of graboids in Perfection Valley." "Those are my cattle out there, pendejo." "Uh-huh." "MIGUEL:" "The BLM man gave me permission to kill anything that's dangerous to my cattle." "El lobo, el coyote and el grabmd." "Well, your BLM man reports to this BLM man, who now reports to me." "And I'm here to tell you there will be no more killing of graboids." "Peﬂod." "So, we let them live and we become the endangered species." "You have been instrumental in the eradication of the oldest, rarest species on Earth." "Not just once, but on three separate occasions, on two continents." "Defending lives and property as a guest of two foreign governments." "Are you even aware of the public outcry?" "What public?" "Not this public." "Look, our mandate is quite simple." "To investigate, trap and transport at least one of these creatures for study." "Trap and transport?" "By the time you find out that's impossible, we'll be up to our necks in shriekers." "If we discover that there is a genuine threat to public safety, we're prepared to evacuate Perfection Valley, seal it off indefinitely." "Wait a minute!" "You'd make us leave?" "That's not why I called you." "I called you here to help us." "The government's gonna offer fair compensation for your property." "That's a given." "(MOCK LAUGHTER)" "Eminent domain." "And people call me paranoid." "I don't think you're paranoid." "I do, but not no more." "(RIFLE SHOTS)" "(RAPID ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "(DEEP RUMBLING)" "Son of a bitch!" "Call me Ishmael." "Now, if you would kindly lean your endangered carcass over my property line," "I'll just call your untimely demise self-defense." "JODI:" "Damn stupid graboids!" "Can't afford to get eminent domained out!" "Every cent I have is tied to this business!" "Well, at least you got a business." "Bodylanguage saysitaﬂ." "RUSK:" "Does it say I could use a cold beer?" "JODI:" "What will it be?" "Miller Lite." "(PHONE DIALING)" "Yeah, we still don't have cell towers." "But you can use the pay phone." "Outside, it's CBs and walkie-talkies only." "Charming." "Listen, you guys weren't serious about making us move out, were you?" "Unless we can catch one of them, we may have no choice." "It kind of seems like a small operation." "I mean, to catch one whole graboid." "We don't have much of a budget, you know?" "It's not a high priority in Washington, okay?" "Yeah, but if you did catch one," "I mean, you boys would go home heroes, right?" "Look good on a résumé." "And your point would be?" "Just that the one guy who knows more about these things than anybody, the one guy who could actually help y'all out is warming up the bench 'cause you took him out of the game." "I didn't take him out of the game." "BURT"." "May I remind you, Jack, they are not your friends." "They are government agents." "Over." "JACK:" "Cut me some slack, Burt." "All I did was a little negotiating." "You did what?" "I cut us a deal." "We help catch one live graboid, they give you back your hunting license." "Over." "Copy that." "Roger." "One question." "Shoot ls your head up your ass for the warmth?" "We thought you'd be happy." "You want to get eminent domained out of here?" "Catch a live graboid!" "It's hard enough to kill one without saturation bombing!" "I told them, "Burt Gummer, he'd come up with something."" "These bastards are smart." "And the harder you come at them, the smarter they get!" "Well, you're still here, aren't you?" "I'd say you're up to it." "So, Mr. Gummer, what do you think?" "(EXHALES)" "Fish or cut bait." "You say you have some sort of tranquilizer." "Yeah, we're using tranq darts." "We got them to chase us, but we couldn't get these to penetrate the dirt." "I'm ordering titanium tips and a more powerful launch gun." "Of course, you could squander the taxpayers' money." "But I can get a graboid to swallow this with this for $49.95." "Then, if it goes to sleep, you can dig it up and take it back to Area 51, or whatever fits your plausible deniability." "I don't quite understand what you just said, but do we have a deal?" "Do we have a deal?" "Because we want to know what we should do." "You guys do what you do best!" "Find something simple and complicate it." "It's good he expresses himself." "Repressed emotions can be real toxic." "He needs counseling." "Get in!" "Huh?" "You got me into this." "All right!" "Whoo!" "Use the door!" "MERLISS:" "It's unbelievable!" "Frank, Charlie." "It's unbelievable!" "Unbelievable!" "I was doing cores out where they recorded the earliest graboid movements." "Uh-huh." "Voilà!" "I hit this on my third dig." "It's an 699" "I've proven they come from eggs." "I've already carbon-dated it." "The yolk remains are current, but the shell is over 300 years old." "The current graboids must have come from these." "They lay dormant for 300 years?" "It appears so." "I need to use your phone." "I must call the museum." "I'll give you $50 for that." "Are you kidding?" "It's going straight to the Smithsonian!" "All right, all right. $100." "Somebody getting married?" "First, we make enough noise to lure one in close." "Then, we use the remote-controlled truck as bait." "Damn feds." "I told them to butt out." "JACK:" "No." "No, I think that's somebody else." "Well, Burt." "Long time no see." "Looking good." "Hardcore as ever." "Melvin?" "It's Mel, actually." "How come you never answer our letters?" "How come I got to drive all the way out here?" ""Perfection Valley Ranchettes." That's you!" "And you said I'd never amount to anything." "Look, Burt, we're making some really good deals here." "Between you and me, you know, 'cause we're friends, we're gonna offer you twice what we're offering the other people." "What the hell are you doing?" "You grew up here." "Exactly." "I wouldn't wish this place on anybody." "So, come on, Burt." "What do you say?" "I say, "I'll give you a 10-second head start."" "People are folding, Burt." "And I got this whole county in my pocket." "You can't hold out forever." "I was born to hold out." "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "Uh, Burt, is this bad?" "This looks kind of bad here." "Is this bad?" "It's..." "Graboid." "One of them spotted us." "Freeze." "Everybody, quiet." "A graboid?" "Quiet!" "Are you kidding?" "Shh!" "For real?" "(PAGER BEEPING)" "(SILENTLY MOUTHS INSTRUCTIONS)" "Ah!" "(SCREAMING)" "Burt, hang on!" "Hang on, Burt!" "Burt!" "Hey, Burt, hang on!" "I'll get a rope, Burt!" "(RADIO CRACKLES)" "Yeah." "BURT:" "Houston, we have a problem." "Burt'?" "Affirmative." "Are you okay?" "Not much time." "Only got limited air." "What's my 20?" "Hold on." "Hold on." "Well, you're about a quarter mile west..." "No, you better make that east of me." "A couple of miles from my place." "Engage the graboid." "What?" "Drive like hell and lead the bastard through my front gate." "Copy?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I copy." "But..." "Out of air." "Burt out." "Burt!" "Burt, what do I do when I get there?" "What do I do?" "Burt!" "Burt!" "Come on, graboid-graboid." "Come on, baby, come on!" "Come on, baby." "We are running with the graboid." "(EXCLAIMING)" "Holy shit!" "Head-on collision." "Burt!" "Burt, are you down there?" "Burt, hang on, hang on." "I'll be right there." "(CLATTERING)" "Hold on, Burt!" "Hang on, buddy!" "Come on, just breathe!" "Just breathe!" "Come on, baby!" "Hang on, buddy!" "Hang on!" "(WHIRRING)" "Here we go." "(GRUNTING)" "Jack!" "That Melvin guy said you got attacked!" "What the hell are you doing?" "(JACK GRUNTING)" "(RADIO CRACKLES)" "I'd prefer we keep this" "to ourselves." "Oh, you guys definitely need to be supervised." "Burt here." "You read me?" "Come back." "Yo." "Come back." "Burt here." "Come back!" "Is that a graboid?" "Yeah, but we should be seeing two of them." "Have either of you heard from the feds?" "I can't raise them." "Not since this morning." "I guess they've gone out of radio range, huh?" "They were chasing a graboid." "They were chasing it?" "It wasn't chasing them?" "I don't like that." "So, maybe they scared it." "Jesus." "What is that?" "Dr. Merliss, what happened?" "(SOBBING) We found a graboid." "On the surface." "It was. .." "Hollow." "Split open." "Yeah." "Split open." "Split open." "Yes?" "When we examined it..." "The sound." "I heard this screaming." "And then they were all around us." "So fast." "Rusk and Statler, torn to pieces!" "I hid in my van, but they were ripping it apart." "I remembered something." "Don't let them see body heat." "So," "I sprayed myself." "It's cold." "It's so cold." "No, that was good." "That was good thinking." "Good thinking." "No." "Not entirely effective, I'm afraid." "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "Nancy, Mindy." "Burt here." "Come back." "NANCY:" "Yeah, Burt." "We're up on Chang's roof." "Is the graboid still sneaking around somewhere?" "We've got a bigger problem now." "Squealers?" "No, screechers." "Shriekers." "The government team have all been killed." "NANCY:" "Oh, my God!" "Now listen carefully." "These sons of bitches don't hunt by sound." "They see heat with sensor organs on their heads." "You've got to hide your body heat somehow." "Copy?" "Hide our body heat?" "Uh, Burt, we copy." "Can't track shriekers with geophones, so now I'm rigged to download infrared satellite images." "Now, when shriekers first emerge, there are only six of them." "If we can kill them before they find food and multiply, we have a chance." "Okay, here we go, here we go." "Preston Dry Lake." "Jeep trail." "And there we are." "That's our cars, right?" "Reading the engine heat?" "BURT;" "Right." "Bingo." "We have a visual." "Two, four." "There's seven of them!" "You mean they're already making more of themselves?" "Yeah, they munched on Statler and Rusk." "We better get moving." "I totally hate my life." "Damn, I still don't see them." "How do you focus these things?" "Here, try these." "Hey, fellas." "Better get that satellite thing again." "We got you covered." "MIGUEL:" "That's it, right there." "BURT:" "Yeah." "JACK:" "Holy..." "There's eight of them!" "JODI:" "Eight?" "What the hell are they eating?" "Coyotes, lizards, snakes." "They don't care." "So this is really serious?" "I keep trying to tell you people!" "How far are your cattle?" "God, if they get to your herd, we're in big trouble." "Hey, Burt, look." "Look there." "They're going into that box canyon over there." "Come on." "There's only one way out of there." "If we get there before they leave..." "I'm with you." "We just roll in and mop those little devils up." "Graboid!" "Go!" "Go!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Miguel!" "Oh, my..." "Where the hell... (ROARING)" "Es blanco." "Holy shit!" "I've never seen one, a live one." "Holy shit!" "So, what do we do now?" "Radio Nancy and Mindy to call for some kind of help." "JACK:" "Damn thing tried to eat my jeep!" "What the hell is it thinking?" "You left your engine running." "He went for the noise." "Haven't you read the graboid comics?" "It's all in there." "Freaking slug." "I owe money on that thing." "Jack, you got your walkie?" "It's in my jeep." "Where's yours?" "BURT:" "On my hood." "VVeH,lguess we just wait." "Darn!" "Man!" "(HUMMING)" "Are you remotely worried that the shriekers might get out and go eat Miguel's cattle and, I don't know, the rest of Nevada?" "Absolutely." "But I do not dwell on that over which I have no control." "That's great." "I have to do all the dwelling." "If you choose to." "You know what I've found?" "Most people prefer your dramatic cumulonimbus clouds." "But I've always had a weakness for a cirrus." "Yeah." "Wispy and way up there, you know?" "I wouldn't know." "Well, don't you ever look up?" "I'm busy." "Too busy to look up?" "Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am." "I'm working for myself here, all right?" "You know, I could have stayed in San Francisco, parlayed my MBA into a six-figure income." "But, hey!" "I'm busting my ass eking a living out here to build something for myself." "I know it's not easy." "But I just think you can enjoy yourself while you eke." "Who says I'm not enjoying myself?" "You know what?" "I don't have to justify myself to you." "Foodmall?" "Snake, you said you were buying all your supplies from me!" "Well, see now, I don't recall signing any purchasing agreement." "It was a verbal commitment." "It was understood, okay?" "In exchange for you tying up my telephone lines and my computer." "You were getting free overhead, pal." "And, for your information, I do enjoy myself." "I do." "Well, one bit of good news." "The shriekers are still in the canyon." "It's got to be the same one I saw outside my house." "Albino, I think." "Yeah." "We used to have a female goat like that." "No kids." "Impossible." "BURT:" "Sterile, huh?" "Maybe that's why El Blanco hasn't turned into Los Shriekers." "Son of a... (GRUNTS)" "(ALARM BEEPS)" "0500, on the dot." "Be sunrise soon." "In 37 minutes, 32 seconds." "Hey, Burt." "Heads up." "What?" "Whoa!" "Why, you..." "Ooh!" "You know, he follows you, Burt." "I think he's got a thing for you." "If I could reach my Grizzly .50-caliber, I'd have a thing for him." "(EERIE SCREECHING)" "Is that them?" "It must be!" "But I've never heard them make a noise like that before." "Like coyotes" "With their kill." "They're still in the canyon." "Can't afford to wait anymore." "I've got to get to my radio." "Wait, Burt!" "Try this." "I saw it on a repeat of MacGyver." "Dental floss." "I always carry it." "(LAUGHS)" "MIGUEL:" "There." "There, there." "Yeah." "Come on." "Come on." "There, you got it." "Yes!" "Yeah." "Nancy!" "Mindy!" "Burt here, come back!" "Hey, Burt." "What's up?" "Look, we're pinned down by this great, white graboid and we need an assist." "I want you to make one hell of a racket over the radio." "Copy?" "You want noise, Burt?" "I copy that." "(GROANING)" "Honey, what's going on?" "Burtjust phoned in a request." "(HARD ROCK BLARES OVER RADIO)" "MIGUEL:" "Hey, he's going for it." "Here we go." "One more." "Uh-oh." "It's coming back." "Yep." "(ENGINE STARTING)" "He's taken the bait." "Jodi, Jack, let's move it." "This is yours. .308..." "I don't know..." "Four shots in the mag." "It won't bite you." "Jack, grab your Weatherby and let's do this." "My Weather-what?" "Your rifle." "In your gun rack." "The gun is not real, Burt." "Borrowed it off some movie guy." "Here." "You do know which end the bullets come out of?" "I've seen movies." "Here, you look cold." "Now, let's go bag our limit of shriekers." "Come on." "Got to be right around that bend." "(GUSTING NOISE)" "What the..." "Jeez." "What are they doing?" "I do not know." "Let's tenderize them a little." "I remember these babies." "Cover!" "(EXPLOSION) (SCREAMS)" "Holy shit!" "He doesn't fool around." "Burt is very committed." "Come on, come on!" "Let's hit them!" "(JACK WHOOPS)" "Check it out!" "Vaporized them!" "I mean, there's nothing left!" "No,no,no." "We should see remains!" "They wouldn't just disintegrate!" "How do you know?" "I've blown them up before!" "Hey." "MIGUEL:" "It looks like they shed some kind of husk or skin, like a snake." "I don't like that." "Maybe they went back underground." "Let's just go find my truck." "Oh, Burt, I really liked that truck." "JODI:" "Oh, man, that's got to hurt." "It was new, wasn't it?" "At least it died for a good reason." "And my Grizzly Big Boar." "My sidearms." "Whoa!" "My ammo." "Hey, something moved." "Over behind the fence." "(ROARING)" "It's a shrieker?" "Not no more, it's not." "BURT:" "In Mexico and Argentina, we killed them before they lived more than about 12 hours." "This is what happens when you don't?" "So, what, they just keep mutating like a virus?" "BURT:" "I have no idea!" "Hey, look!" "That son-of-a-gun's got the same heat sensor." "Tracking us." "(ROARS MENACINGLY)" "It's not smart to track Burt." "What's it doing now?" "Hey!" "What the..." "Point, shoot!" "Come on!" "Point, shoot!" "(SCREAMS)" "No!" "Oh, my God!" "I should have taken that shot." "Should have shotsoonen" "How could you know it was going to take off like a goddamn rocket?" "Jack, give me your walkie." "Nancy, Mindy?" "Burt here." "Come back." "Yeah, Burt." "We're here." "Nancy, listen." "They..." "They killed Miguel." "He's gone." "(SOBS) Oh, my God, no!" "What, Miguel?" "No!" "Nancy?" "Jodi here." "Listen, those shrieker things, they can fly now, so get off the roof." "You're not safe up there anymore." "Copy?" "(BOTH SCREAMING)" "Hurry!" "Lock it!" "Lock it!" "(THUDDING)" "(BOTH SCREAMING)" "(SCREAMS) It's coming back!" "(SCREAMS)" "(MICROWAVE BEEPING)" "What are you doing?" "They can only see heat!" "I'm not dumb, you know." "Come on, into the meat locker!" "(PANTING)" "Honey, I never thought you were dumb." "(GROANS IN DISGUST)" "(FLIES BUZZING)" "Aﬂ 999" "Graboid egg." "So it's a graboid, to a shrieker, to one of these here new things and finally back to a graboid." "It would make sense, biologically." "I guess they developed the ability to fly so they can carry the egg as far as possible." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Well, look at that." "Look at that right there." "Reacts with the air." "Smells like a bad night of beans." "JODI:" "Some high-octane stomach acid he's got there." "BURT:" "Extremely reactive, almost like pure sodium." "Well, whatever it is, they work it up there in their ass, see..." "Excuse me?" "No,no,no." "That's how they blast off." "It's always something new with these things." "(GUSTING OVERHEAD)" "Forget it, you're both empty." "Empty?" "Already?" "You fired 10, she fired four." "I'm empty, too." "Well, that's just great." "Great." "Look, my place is three miles away." "We just have to try to make it." "What, with these honkers doing aerial recon?" "We have to conceal our body heat somehow." "All right." "Uh..." "I can make a dumb suggestion." "JODI:" "No, all I'm saying is we discovered them, right?" "So, we should name them." "Let me think." "Okay." "Blast-Offers." "Or Butt-Launchers." "That's better, huh?" "Oh, oh." "Ass-Blasters!" "How's that?" "Soundsfike a porno film." "(GUSTING)" "Listen!" "Get down!" "Get down!" "He didn't see us!" "We're okay!" "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "Lunch date?" "Damn, El Blanco!" "I'm sorry?" "White graboid." "He's moving towards us." "Can't we get a break here?" "Come on, come on." "This way." "Beneath this ridge is a solid granite intrusion." "We'll follow it, but El Blanco will have to go around." "Granite intrusion?" "I've memorized the geology of most of the valley." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I've been meaning to do that." "Give me your weapons and make yourselves at home." "I'll see if Nancy and Mindy got through to the Air National Guard." "Whoa!" "Lots of choices." "Nancy, Mindy." "Burt here." "Come back." "Burt calling Nancy and Mindy." "Copy?" "(EXHALES)" "You know those supplies I bought?" "How about I let you have them at cost?" "Feeling guilty?" "Nancy, Mindy." "Burt here." "Come back." "Yeah." "But mostly, I'm going to need traveling money." "Burt calling Nancy and Mindy." "Copy?" "You copy?" "Burt here." "Come back." "Nancy?" "Mindy?" "Nancy?" "Mindy?" "Talk to me." "Burt here." "So you'll be leaving, huh?" "Can't run a business where your customers get eaten." "Guess not." "Nancy, Mindy, Burt here!" "Come back!" "Damn it!" "Hope they got out okay." "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "Our old friend, El Blanco, is finally coming this way." "Not to worry." "My perimeter is completely graboid-proof." "(GUSTING NOISE)" "But is it Ass-Blaster-proof?" "(CRASHING) on!" "on!" "Come on, come on!" "I'll grab my weapon!" "JACK:" "Come on, let's go!" "Come on!" "This way into the safe room!" "Come on!" "Seal it!" "(PANTS)" "(THUDDING)" "What is all this?" "Food?" "Better." "MREs." "Most dense, most nutritious food known to man." "Okay." "Okay, how long can we wait it out in here?" "Six, seven years, depending on how well you maintain your dietary discipline." "(HEAVY THUDDING)" "Son of a bitch is melting the door down." "Damn his butane, butt-blasting ass." "Forget that!" "Here!" "Escapetunneﬂ" "Burt, I like you." "You should!" "Go on, go on!" "Burt, what happens if this thing eats your food?" "Ass-Blaster blitzkrieg." "Go on, I'll take care of it." "JODII Whoa!" "Ow!" "Trick or treat, you son of a bitch!" "(GROANING)" "(ALL EXCLAIM)" "Five gallons of unleaded." "Oh, man, you really go the distance." "Oh, yeah, I'm a masterpiece of self-destruction." "Fire should reach my stock of reloading powder right about" "HOW." "(SCREAMS)" "(COUGHING)" "Come on, over here." "Go, go, go!" "Ow!" "NANCY:" "Burt!" "Now what?" "Burt, where have you been?" "We've been trying to raise you." "You won't believe it." "Ne, try me." "You know those flying shriekers?" "We've got one!" "Well, actually, it almost got us, but you know how we got it?" "Food!" "It ate half the food in the store!" "If they eat enough, they go into a complete food coma!" "No,no,no." "They multiply." "No, Burt, they don't!" "Just feed it!" "Give it all your MREs." "Burt, do you copy?" "Burt?" "Burt, do you COPY?" "Bun?" "Uh..." "Burt's not available at the moment, but thanks for the update, Nancy." "What kind of supreme being would condone such irony?" "Well, there are those who say," ""The marksman aims at himself," Burt." ""Power of non-attachment." So you need to tap into that right now." "Jack, enough with the Zen zingers, all right?" "Burt." "Maintain." "A lifetime of preparation and I end up a refugee?" "(SIGHS)" "I hate to ask, but have we gone through all this just to be eaten by El Blanco?" "(GROANS)" "The explosions were so loud, they'll have driven him far away." "You really should read the comics." "U-nssnue) (GROANS)" "JODI:" "There's four more of them?" "Nothing like a fire to attract every heat-seeking meat-eater in the valley." "We got to hide." "Where?" "I have no home!" "Junkyard." "Junkyard!" "Yeah." "We just got to get that far." "The universe provides." "The universe provides a boat?" "And a blue tarp!" "Come on!" "Get your heinies up here before they see us!" "Now move!" "Come on!" "Get in!" "Put it over yourself!" "Come on!" "Cover!" "Cover!" "Like I said, just stick with Jack, you're going to make it back." "JODII Whoa!" "(EXCLAIMING)" "No,golefi." "No, no!" "Right!" "Jack, Jack, go right!" "Not that far!" "Now go right!" "Make up your mind!" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "What the heck..." "The little turd." "We made it!" "Look!" "Plenty of places to hide!" "(PUFFING OVERHEAD)" "(WHISPERS) Wait." "It doesn't see us." "JACK:" "Calmly, get out of the boat." "And calmly, just head for... (HISSES) it sees us!" "Shit!" "Run!" "Got you, Jodi!" "JODI:" "It's coming!" "It's coming!" "Oh, my God!" "(SCREAMS)" "It's right there." "I can hear it." "I hear it." "It's right there." "That's what I said." "Let's get out of here." "Yeah!" "Whoo!" "That one's for Miguel!" "About time we got a break." "Uh-oh." "Here comes the rest of them." "JODII God!" "Do you think they see us?" "Do they know we're here?" "No." "(HISSING)" "Yeah." "Cover." "We got to find cover." "Hey, we can hide in these." "No." "There." "There." "Come on, come on, come on." "Go, go, go!" "God, no." "Can we hide over there?" "No time!" "Come on, come on." "(PANTING) (GROANS IN DISGUST)" "Well..." "Let's assess the situation." "We're screwed." "We're screwed in an outhouse?" "If I'd have been able to grab just one gun!" "Even a single shot!" "How long are we stuck in here?" "In a few minutes, our combined body heat will make this thing glow like a furnace to them." "So, we run!" "Wejust run like hell!" "No, they fly." "We couldn't get half a mile." "Okay." "We can't stay, can't go." "Your turn." "(THUDDING)" "We've got to fight them." "I mean, they're not that smart." "They only see heat, right?" "Yeah, and they light their own farts." "How is this helping us?" "No, wait." "They're full of flammable chemicals." "Could we ignite them somehow?" "Get them to swallow something hot?" "How?" "Stick them with something hot, or a fire." "A flaming spear." "No, we can't get that close to them." "They'd tear us to pieces." "I'd rather shoot them somehow." "If I just had my..." "Burt, you don't have a gun." "Deal with it." "A potato gun!" "A what?" "A potato gun!" "What?" "What, didn't you ever make one when you were a kid, Burt?" "Actually, I converted my BB gun to full auto by the age..." "We made them from an old pipe." "You seal up one end, put in a few drops of lighter fluid, stick in the potato, light the touchhole, boom, potato will go a hundred yards." "Only, instead of a potato, we shoot a flaming arrow." "Why not?" "I like it." "Yes!" "Now, of course, we got to do some shopping." "We need to get us some pipe, any size, things for arrows, rags to burn." "And then we're gonna need something for gasoline." "Alcohol." "Man, this ain't gonna be easy." "Wait, wait, I got a line on flaming liquid." "You two go for parts." "You see any of these Rocket-Butts nearby?" "JODI:" "No." "No?" "All right, let's go." "Watch yourselves." "(PUFFING)" "(SCREAMS)" "(THUDDING)" "(PUFFING)" "Oh, yeah." "Ha!" "Ass-Blaster!" "Blasted your own damn ass!" "What the hell was that?" "I killed one!" "I did, I killed one!" "JACK:" "Whoo!" "Way to go, girl!" "Don't get cocky!" "That still leaves three!" "I killed one." "BURT:" "Listen up." "It'll be dark soon." "How are we doing, people?" "JODI:" "I got some pipes." "I got some rags." "BURT:" "Good work!" "I need some arrows." "BURT:" "Let's meet over at that yellow truck." "Okay, Nestor, we need your help." "Yes!" "Thanks, Nestor." "(SCREAMS)" "Jeez, Burt!" "What's taking Jack solong?" "I don't know." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Jeez,Jack!" "Is that enough?" "That Will do." "Now, look." "Let's move to that mobile home." "It offers high ground for a good line of fire." "(GUSTING OVERHEAD)" "Run!" "(SCREAMS)" "Come on, Jodi!" "(SCREECHING) (SCREAMS)" "(ALL GRUNTING)" "Lockiﬂ" "Yeah, eat that!" "(ALL PANTING)" "Damn, girl!" "Come on, let's get to work." "An old friend, Nestor, was killed in the first graboid incursion." "His trailer ended up here." "He loved his shine." "Here, rip some of these." "Now, you've got to seal up one end." "Also, you need to make a touchhole to light it." "I get the concept." "Any minute, this guy's gonna kamikaze through your roof like he did before." "All right." "All right, I need a gun sight." "Anybody grab any tape or wire?" "Your earrings." "Your earrings!" "Take them off." "BURT:" "Excellent." "Still don't have a touchhole." "This has a little hole." "Will this work?" "Yeah." "Armed and dangerous." "But do we have a lighter?" "Burt does." "How do you know?" "Well, you're Burt." "Damn right I am." "(LAUGHS)" "(GUSTING OUTSIDE)" "Oh, shit!" "Another kamikaze run!" "Whiskey down the barrel." "About a shot's worth." "Goes." "He's up." "He's up!" "BURT:" "Open the door." "Dooropen!" "There he is!" "JODI:" "Now?" "BURT:" "No, wait for it, wait for it." "Now?" "Wait for it." "Wait for it." "Now!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "(ALL EXCLAIM)" "It worked!" "Blew him away!" "I mean, blew him..." "Blew him away!" "And that's why we're at the top of the food chain!" "Two down and two to go!" "(THUDDING)" "Reload." "Whiskey." "I'll take that arrow." "Loadit" "That Will do it." "(SHUSHING)" "(GROANS) (SCREAMS)" "JACK:" "Get down!" "Stay down!" "Stay down!" "No,no,no!" "lgotanidea!" "lgotanidea!" "Light the arrow, we'll shoot it through the other skylight." "Stay down, Burt!" "Stay down!" "JODI:" "Now what?" "JACK:" "Spread your legs." "JODI:" "Excuse me?" "Oh, I get it." "Okay." "Okay." "Don't blame me if I miss because I haven't had any practice before." "Aim and shoot!" "Okay, okay!" "Whoo!" "What the hell did you do?" "I shot him!" "Burt!" "Burt." "Burt!" "(GROANING)" "We should go hunting sometime." "Uh-oh." "Here you go." "Here you go." "Oh, I think he looks pissed!" "Pissed but dumb." "Another sitting duck, huh, Burt?" "Never assume anything." "She's ready." "And..." "Stand by to fire at my command." "Light me." "No way!" "I knew it!" "Sons of bitches are always on a learning curve." "Load.Load!" "(GUSTING HEAVILY)" "Incoming!" "(SCREAMS)" "(YELLS)" "Lighter." "I need a lighter." "(SCREAMS)" "It's going to blow!" "Into the back room, now!" "JACK:" "Get in here!" "Go, go, go, go!" "Get in here, Burt!" "(COUGHS)" "Yuck!" "Jeez!" "Twenty-three hours, 59 minutes." "Mission completed." "Damn it!" "How the hell does he always know where I am?" "(BEEPING)" "The watch." "The ultrasonic signal." "Burt, are you okay?" "I'm caught." "Burt, it's coming!" "Get rid of the watch!" "You're crazy." "Get out of here!" "El Blanco, you want it?" "Come get it, dude!" "Here you go, buddy!" "Knock yourself out!" "My Leatherman." "My tool!" "In my pocket!" "Here you go, little buddy, now!" "Right side, bottom row, third pocket." "Yeah." "Cut the springs where my vest is snagged." "How the hell do you open this thing?" "Oh." "What is that?" "All right." "(GROANS)" "Come on." "Jodi, hurry it up!" "I'm working on it!" "Wait." "Get out of here, go on!" "Shut up, Burt!" "JODI:" "Come on." "Go on!" "God Almighty!" "Whoa!" "Good throw." "I used to pitch a little Single-A ball till the old rotator cuff started acting up." "Oh." "On the off-chance El Blanco's coming back for seconds, want to get me off this thing?" "(GASPS)" "Yes." "Could you hold on forjust a minute?" "They matched your offer." "Well, I'm sorry." "This is the world's only living Ass-Blaster." "And I have a daughter to put through school here." "I want a car." "Come on." "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "Could you hold a minute?" "The Vegas guys went even higher." "Should we do it?" "Siegfried, Roy, he's all yours." "Make sure you stay behind the ropes." "Hey." "Hey" "Hitting the road, Desert Jack?" "Well, more like Car Wash Jack." "I landed a job managing that place down in Bixby." "The universe provides." "Congratulations." "Thank you." "So I guess you'll be sticking around." "Yeah." "Yeah, I like the area." "It has a lot to offer." "Hey, listen, I'm breaking in my new rear axle." "You want to go for a little ride?" "Oh, I'm restocking." "Nice clouds out there." "I can see the clouds from here." "Yeah, but these..." "See, these are the good ones." "Well... (LAUGHS)" "Mindy, can you watch the store?" "It figures." "Older women." "Buenas tardes, sefior Blanco." "That's it, just follow the car." "Burt!" "Hey, nice wheels." "I've been expecting you, Melvin." "You are one persistent little money-grubber." "Come on, Burt." "Look around, man." "There's nothing here." "I'm going to turn this into something." "I'm gonna build homes for families." "The smart thing for you to do, Burt, is cash in right now." "You might want to join me, Melvin." "Why?" "It's safer up here." "(CHUCKLES)" "Jesus Christ, Burt!" "I thought you killed all those things!" "I never said that." "MELVIN:" "God, man!" "Kill it!" "Blow it up!" "What are you waiting for, Burt?" "The thing is as long as one of these reptilians is still alive, this whole area is deemed protected." "You know, pursuant to Section 1472-B of the Endangered Species Act?" "In other words, no houses, no condos and no ranchettes." "You're crazy." "Okay?" "These things, man, they're going to..." "They're going to eat you, Burt." "They're going to get all of you." "We got new geophones, graboid barriers, blanket protection." "The whole town agrees." "Between you and El Blanco, they'll take him every time." "Adiés, Melvin!" "(LAUGHS)" "Burt!" "Hey!" "Burt!" "Burt!" "Burt!" "You asshole!" "You dumb son of a bitch!" "God!" "I hate you!" "I hate your guts!" "You sorry, sick, paranoid, right-wing, redneck psycho!" "Shit-kicker!" "God damn you, Burt!" "And I hate that hat!" "Awful soft dirt in here." "Make sure you shore it up good." "It's like working inside a cow down here." "Una vaca plata that is going to pay off my ranch." "Your ranch." "It's like a woman." "It's all you ever talk about." "Meanwhile, she's taking all your money." "And you, you spend all of your money on whiskey." "But you're going to miss me soon." "Victor?" "Victor?" "Jefe." "Jefe." "Jefe, Victor is gone." " What do you mean, "gone"?" " We were working the face." "I know he couldn't have got past me." "But now he's just gone." "Jefe!" "Jefe!" "Aaaaargh!" "Dammit." "Juan!" "Where are ya?" "So many people leaving." "Is everyone rejecting us?" "No, Fu Yien." "They are leaving because the mine is closed." "Maybe we need a different name." " Perhaps it was not the best choice, huh?" " Maybe not." "Son..." "Juan Pedilla, you've been looking at that hat for a month." "Buy it or don't buy it." "No, no." "I can't afford it." "You take it on credit." "Pay us later." "No credit!" "Stan Kelton is leaving." "Loading up his wagon." "Stan too?" "Now we're a town without a blacksmith." "It'll end up as a ghost town if that mine doesn't reopen." "If everybody leaves, who will buy our things?" "No one." "And we'll go back to China." "Only way you going back to China is if you learn how to swim." "What does I Ching say?" ""Expect arrival of great conqueror."" "The mine will not stay closed." "That ore is turning out a hundred ounces to the ton." " Two hundred, my friend." " Two hundred?" "Well, nobody's walking away from riches like that." "Nobody." "Well, if you saw what I saw, you might walk away." "You never really told us what you saw." "I saw nothing." "But the nothing, it was worse than anything I have ever seen." "You're not thinking of pulling out too?" "No, I cannot do that." " I would lose everything, like you." " Like all of us." "Listen." "It's about the mine." "The owner of the mine is coming." "All the way from Philadelphia." "He say "Low profit from mine unacceptable."" ""Proceeding with all dispatch."" ""Will take matters into hand personally." "Signed, Hiram Gummer."" "That's a real two-dollar name." "I'll wager he gets this thing solved faster than a bee with a horse on its tail." "Betcha." "The stage is coming!" "It's coming!" "Tecopa!" "Miss Christine!" "The stage, it's coming!" " What do you think he looks like?" " He's probably fat." "Rich people are always fat." "Oh, my word." " Anybody in there?" " It's full of luggage." " It's about time." " Indeed it is." " Let me in." " Can't wait to leave this place." "No one got out." "Mr. Hiram Gummer?" "I am he." "I am Tsang Pyong Lien." "Pyong Chang." "This is my market." " You're not very fat." " Quiet!" "Whooee." "You must have enough money to burn a wet mule, huh?" "Mr. Gummer, I'm Christine Lord." "Proprietress of the local hotel." "You're lovelier than Fifth Avenue in spring." " Welcome to Rejection." " Aptly named, it would seem." "I'm here to see Andrew Beckwith." "I've sent him three communiqués, all unanswered." " I want to speak to him forthwith." " That might prove difficult." " Why?" "Where is he?" " On that." "The last stage out of here." "Wh?" " That's just dandy." "The last?" " Too few passengers." "The mine closed several weeks ago." "That is why you're here, isn't it?" "Closed?" "The mine closed?" "I feel I've not been privy to most needful information." "You don't know what happens at the mine?" "17 miners were killed in one day." "The workers abandoned it." "17?" "What on earth happened?" " No one knows." " Must you speak in riddles?" " The only one who knows is Juan Pedilla." " Then I must see him straightaway." "Well, he's out riding his land." "We expect him back shortly." "Please." "You must be tired from your traveling." "Let me show you to the hotel." "Oh, very well." "Come, I'll need assistance with my kit." "This is our bank." "Closed, of course." "Our blacksmith, also closed." " And our post office." " Closed." " Of course." " Quite the bustling metropolis." " "Great conqueror"." " And this is my hotel." "Welcome." "Right this way." "An impressive arsenal." "Are you a collector?" "The miners came west to strike it rich." "When it came time to settle their bills, many of them had only their firearms left." " Now I collect payments daily." " Nonsense." "Just keep a running tab." "Your man is rather impudent." "Tecopa is not my "man"." "He is my friend." "But this is a tent." "Yes." "You're observant." "Which would you like?" "This one right here." "Dandy." "What time will luncheon be served?" "Well, since the mine has closed the supply wagons have stopped, so our menu's a bit limited." "I could fix you a pot of beans." "Nonsense." "Surely you have flour, molasses and ginger?" "I should like a gingerbread cake." "Yes, that should do nicely." "You want me to strangle him?" "No, we need him." "Delightful music and a passable meal." "Which I should like to end with an aperitif." "Wouldn't we all?" "Fu Yien, would you like that last piece of gingerbread?" "Yes." "Then go to my small carpet bag, the blue one, and fetch my bottle of peach brandy." "Yes, sir." " What happened to the gingerbread?" " I ate it, of course." " But you said I could..." " A word of advice, young man." "Anyone can be taken advantage of, and if you can, do." "That is terrible advice to give a child." "The boy must learn the ways of the world." "I assure you, he knows them." " Juan's here." "He's over at the store." " "Juan"?" "Juan Pedilla, the miner." "Oh." "Yes, yes." "No, no, no, no." "The mine is not played out." "Not at all." "There's plenty more silver in there." "It's just no one wants to go in and get it." "Seven more men go up since accident." "None come back." "My ancestors talked of spirit beasts that live inside those mountains." ""Spirit beasts"?" "Beasts from the underworld." "Blind to all but killing." "Have you all taken leave of your senses?" "Juan, gather up the remaining miners, hunt down whatever is doing this..." "And fill 'em full of more holes than a cabbage leaf in a hailstorm." "Precisely." "Señor Gummer, there are some miners camped north of town." "I can talk to them." "But they are not going to go back unless you pay them." "Maybe even double wages." " Pay them?" "To earn their own jobs back?" " I'm just telling you, they are scared." "Very well." "To ensure my resources are not squandered by this cabal of hooligans," "I shall accompany you myself, first thing in the morning." "Now you're talking." "What kind of gun did you bring?" "Betcha it's big and fancy." "I don't own a firearm." "Yes?" "This is the Wild West, Mr. Gummer." "You don't read the dime novels?" "You see a bad guy, you gotta smoke him up." "Señor Gummer, your horse is ready." "Señor Gummer..." "Morning." "Señor, it is a hard day's ride over very rough country." "Uh..." "This is the cross-country model." "The horse can carry my kit." "Off we go!" "Deplorable road conditions." "Um..." "No, no, I'd like some, uh..." "Maybe just..." "Thank you." "Ah, very good." "I haven't been on a horse since I..." "since my sixth birthday party." "No, actually, that was a camel." " Mr. Gummer?" " Yes?" " This is for you." " I beg your pardon?" "This is the Wild West." "Never go unarmed." "No, indeed, um..." "Thank you, son." "Thank you." "You really think he is "great conqueror"?" "Only if he rides a camel better than he rides a horse." "Let's not judge yet, Tecopa." "He's the only chance we have." "Howdy, gents." " This is our army?" " These are the only ones willing to go." "All the better." "No need to waste my money on cowards." "Men, this is the patrón, Mr. Hiram Gummer." "These are the Walter brothers, Brick and Stony." " This is Big Horse Johnson." " Mr. Johnson." "And this is Soggy." "Soggy?" "Indeed." "Well, in you go." " And what?" " And report back to me." "Oh, very well." "As none of you possess sufficient leadership skills," "I shall supervise the endeavor myself." "Juan?" "Vámonos." " Wait." " That was our foreman." "My hat." "Urgh." "Here." "He ain't gonna need it." "Try it on." "Thank you,jefe." "Oh, my." "This is the end of the mine, where Victor was." "Well, we're still alive." "Whatever attacked you, it would seem to be gone." "Gentlemen, I declare this mine perfectly safe." "Dang right." "Ain't nothin' in there but ghosts." "You don't need to pay them no wages." "I pray that we are correct." "Well, sun's gettin' low." "Might as well set up camp." "We can't camp here." "I need trees." "It's better for the posture." "Oh, damn." "You gonna start torturing that thing?" "Helps me sleep." " And the horses like it too." " Well, go play it for them." "Ain't my fault you lack a musical ear." "How soon do you think you can reopen the mine?" "Posthaste." "The sooner the better." "Good." "Because I need to keep working if I don't want to lose my ranch." "I thought you were a miner." "Well, I am a miner, but my father always dreamed of having a ranch for us one day." "And?" "He was killed in a cave-in when I was a boy." "My mother, she moved us from mining camp to mining camp." "They always need a woman to do the laundry and the cooking." "I've been without my cook for weeks." "You always had everything, didn't you?" "Several of everything." "I'd just like to get one of something." "What on earth?" "Aw, damn." "We'll be hours finding them horses." "Soggy, you sorry sack!" " I'm gonna pound you blue!" " Easy, everybody." "You pound 'im, Brick!" "Aw, he's always farting' around." "Where the hell are you?" "It won't do you no good hiding'!" "¡Cállate!" "You hear that?" "Soggy!" "The longer I look, the madder I get!" "Aaargh!" " Good Lord!" "What the?" " Tarnation!" "Brick?" "You all right?" "Stony, don't you go shooting blind out there!" "Brick!" "Well, where is he?" "Don't know." "He ain't out there." "Who's there?" "Who's over there?" "We've got guns over here." "Wh... wh..." "What in God's name?" "You gotta shoot faster!" "Kill them, man!" " We gotta get up somewhere!" " Where?" "Over on that rock!" "Señor Gummer!" "Over here on the rock!" "On the rock!" "Big Horse!" "Over here!" "You gotta get off the ground!" "Big Horse!" "Here!" " No!" "Big Horse, you can't shoot it!" " This way, man!" "Quickly!" "Get on the rock!" "Good heavens." "What a dreadful odor." "I smelled it in the mine." "It was them." "They came up through the soft dirt." "At least it can't penetrate rock." "It has no eyes." "How did they find us?" "It's the sound." "Every time we made a sound." "Even your teapot." "That's how they hunt." "We can't just stay here." "These foothills are made of rock." "We can walk on them all the way to Rejection." " Walk?" " Well, unless you can fly." "Tecopa, what are you doing?" "Diggin' a spot for a flagpole." "A flagpole?" "Does it concern you that Nevada hasn't yet adopted a flag?" "We will one day." "I'll be ready." "They're back!" "They're back!" "It's Juan and Mr. Gummer!" "They're back!" "I'd have walked twice that far to get away." "Those are the most savagerous beasts I've ever seen." "Well, didn't you let loose?" "Let fly?" "Barrels blazing?" "Old Fred, you don't understand." "When they're not underground, they're... flying." "Very fast." " Dragons." "Dirt dragons." " We never had them in China." "Big Horse, Juan - they tried to shoot them but couldn't." "You'd have to be an unparalleled shootist." "But wait, that's it." "A telegram." "We must send a telegram immediately." "Let me do it." "I know how." "Here." ""Wanted - gunfighter."" ""Town of Rejection, Nevada, seeks experienced quick-draw artist, calm in face of danger."" ""Salary negotiable."" "Send that to the Territorial Enterprise, the Denver Post and the Wichita Eagle." " You're going to hire a gunfighter?" " I think that is a good idea." "But is it wise?" "A gunfighter's usually mean, wild..." "Drink, shoot inside house..." " But we need someone with fortitude." " Someone with a little fan in their craw." "Exactly." "Someone who is proficient with firearms who can..." "Shoot the nuts off a squirrel at a hundred paces." " Thank you." " Someone like Doc Holliday." " Except one that ain't dead." " Doc Holliday's dead?" "OK, it's done." "Now we wait." " Handsome, no?" " Oh, very." "It's me." "Very few men have statues of themselves." "A cigar-store Indian?" "Oh, a salesman gave that to me when he couldn't pay his bill." "Well, it could be me." " Mr. Gummer, I fixed your wheel." " Impossible, it's a complete loss." "Nope." "Well, I..." "My, my, that's..." "Remarkable." "Um..." "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "That'll be five dollars, please." "Now listen here." "No workman would dare ask more than two bits." "I'm the only wheel-fixer in town." "No one else till Carson City." " But that's highway robbery." " A word of advice, Mr. Gummer." "Anyone can be taken advantage of." "And if you can, do." "Fu Yien, I'm a trifle short of cash at present." "May we barter instead?" "For services rendered, you may have the bicycle." "It's yours." "I'm becoming quite the expert horseman." "Dandy, Mr. Gummer!" "There you go." "No, um..." "Oh, here, here, here, here." "I'll steady you." "Get your balance." "Now, when I push, press the pedals and keep the front wheel straight." "Ready?" "Off you go." "Not bad." "Not bad at all." "How long is this bedlam to last?" "Oh, a few more days." "We're deepening our well." "We're quite proud of our engine." "It's going to run our electric lights one day." " If you can abide the racket." " The work would go faster if you'd help." "A man of my means doesn't engage in physical labor." "Which brings us... to your bill." " You're running a tab." " I didn't agree to that." "Mrs. Lord, in any civilized place my name alone is quite sufficient." "Well, out here in the rough-and-tumble West, we tend to use cash." "That is a twenty-dollar gold piece on your watch fob, isn't it?" "And the watch itself is gold, of course?" "And the cufflinks?" "Genuine diamonds?" "Are you proposing that I barter with you as I would a street vendor in Calcutta?" "Don't be absurd." "You will run a proper tab until this pathetic town has a proper bank to which I can wire funds." "Here, now." "What is going on?" "Why aren't you riding that wheel?" "No time." "I'm working." "You men will take forever." "Using a boy to do a man's work?" "Very narrow down there." "He's the only one small enough to widen it." "The moment it is wide enough, I expect to see one of you down there in his place." "And he back on that bicycle." "Mrs. Lord, I should like to apologize." "The truth is, my coin, watch and cufflinks are all I own in the world." "I beg your pardon?" "My father, in his final demented days, sold all his holdings and invested everything, the entire family fortune, in a certain silver mine." "I see." "I was rude earlier." "I apologize." "Once I get the mine running, I'll pay my bill in full and be on the first stage out of here." "As Old Fred would say, that's a real gullywasher." "Don't look at me." "I had nothing to do with it." "I hope Old Fred made it to the muling station before this hit." "Yesterday a desert, today a monsoon." "Once I reopen the mine, the whole town will prosper." "You'll be able to afford whatever your hearts desire." "And what is it that your heart desires, Mr. Gummer?" "To return to the life I had." "To wake up every morning and wonder "What will I spend my money on today?"" "I'd venture it matters not how you spend your money, but how you spend your life." " Mr. Gummer?" " Don't interrupt your elders." "Never you mind, Miss Lord." "I'll amend my misspent life when the Grim Reaper comes calling." "I recommend that you keep that hog leg skinned, unless you got a desire to be jumpin' over hot coals in hell." "And who might you be, sir?" " Kelly." " "Black Hand" Kelly?" "I'm lookin' for Hiram Gummer." "That would be me." " You posted yourself an advertisement?" " I did." "Yes, I did." "So who do you want me to kill?" "That Injun over there?" "No, no, no, no." "It's not so much a "who" as a "what"." "They spring from the ground like, uh..." "like some demonic trout." "We call them "dirt dragons"." "This stuff sure must be a whole lot stronger than it tastes." "We're well aware that it sounds fantastic, but we can assure you it's all quite true." " They're ferocious and fast." " It takes real backbone to face 'em down." "Amigo, I like to fight with rattlesnakes just for the fun of it, and I give 'em first bite to boot." "Hyperbole aside, you are accurate with a firearm?" " Questioning my abilities, sir?" " As an astute businessman, I'm simply..." "Hey, boy!" " Toss me one of them apples over here." " See, I knew it." "Shoot inside house." " Throw it high?" " No, no, no." " You throw it right straight at me." " OK." " You ready?" " Anytime." " What?" " We thought you shoot apple." "Obviously we were expecting to see a demonstration of..." "You're hired." " In China, no one shoots in wall." " In China, no one has gun." "Before I sign up for anything, talk to me about that "salary negotiable" part." "Do you like silver, Mr. Kelly?" "I reckon I do." "Upon dispatching all the aforementioned creatures, and upon the reopening of the mine, you'll be paid in silver." "Say, um... as much as you can carry on a strong horse?" "Well, now, I just bet that you could charm a cow right out of her calf with those fancy words." "But now, for myself, I sorta need a little something up front." "We don't have any money." "Ah, well." "Thank you for your time." "Double eagle." "A down payment." "Tell you what." "You throw in them there cufflinks and, uh... you got yourself a deal." "This is one sorry collection of lead pushers you got here." "I'm not running a gun store, Mr. Kelly." "Juan, you take this here big old 45-70." "Hiram, pick yourself out something that feels right in your hand." "And you give us all these blue whistlers that you got." "Juan." " Take this." " Oh, pero no." "I still can't afford it." "No credit." "It's a gift." "Gracias." "What?" "No one goes without a hat in China." "OK, boys, let's jingle some spurs." "No." "No." "No spurs." "In fact, no jingling of any kind." "I tell you, these things are attracted by the slightest noise." "They could leap from the ground at any moment." "Juan killed one right here." "Shh, shh, shh." "Cuídate, señor." "There ain't nothin' here neither." "Maybe they gone deaf." "Or maybe you two boys are playing me for the fool." "After what I paid you?" " We will just have to keep looking." " Juan, if you please, some help." "Gummer, dag nab it, ain't you got no pride?" "Get up on the horse by yourself!" "Should I ever again require horsemanship, I will engage a tutor." "Well, I'll tell you one thing." "I ain't got your book-learning, but I know this:" "Being full-growed don't make you a man." "Look, look, look, look." "Here, here." "They appear to be... shells." "Eggs." "Well, if that's what they are... then they came out of one big chicken." "Or maybe you two aren't as crazy as I've been thinking." "This is where we pipe the hot spring from the mine." "The water cut through the dirt, you see?" "And the eggs fell out." "Perhaps the warm water hatched them." "Juan, this tells us how many there are." "There are four." "And I killed one already." " Three left." " But where could they have gone?" "Well, we're just gonna keep on ridin' till we find them, cos I'm gettin' awful anxious to unravel me some cartridges." "We piped that hot water out only six months ago." "Then those creatures grew large quite quickly." "That's a part of one of them." "These scaly things were on their backs." "Yeah?" "Well..." "Maybe one of them there "things" died." "Or maybe... maybe he shed his skin, like a snake." "Who is that?" "It's Old Fred." "At least, that's his wagon." "Good Lord." "This does not bode well." "Now, that is one catawampussly chawed-up rig." "As I keep say... saying, these things are not to be trifled with." "Old Fred?" "Old Fred?" "Old Fred?" "Maybe we should have made it longer." "Well, I'm not toting' no more rocks." " We should say something." " I didn't even know the man." "Take off your hat." "Fred was an old man." "That is why we called him Old Fred." "He drove the freight." "He had bad breath." "But I don't want to say that." "All right." "All right." ""Fear no more the heat o' the sun," "Nor the furious winter's rages."" ""Thou thy worldly task hast done," "Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages."" "Cymbeline." "Act four, scene two." "We'd best get going." " Wait." "Let's make camp here." " No, we'll go to the ridge." "Camp on solid rock." "As we have every night." "Oh, no." "That is three miles back there." "That's hard country." "If you think I'd risk sleeping on the naked earth..." "We could go down to the muling station." "Down the canyon." " Is it safe?" " Yes." "There are thick beams on the floor for the wagons." "The dragons can't break through." " Might there be someone here?" " No." "They stopped the supply wagons now that..." "Now that the mine is closed." "The bitter refrain of my life, it seems." "We must secure these horses with certainty." "The last time, they got away." "You just make sure that gate is tied up tight." "Mr. Kelly!" "You can't see the door if you're facing this direction." "Always be prepared." "Aaargh!" "¡Sálvame, Dios!" "What in God's name?" " So was that them?" " No." "No." "Something new." "You said to pick one I was comfortable with." "You're right." "I did say that." "What in Sam Hill is that smell?" "It's them." "That's the smell." "Remember, señor?" "But they've changed so." "Become long and thin." "There's six of them, or even nine." "We'd better bring the horses inside." "¡Chingada!" "They're gone!" "Again!" "We can't go on foot." "They'll get us for sure." "All right." "All right." "That means we have to stand our ground here." "Hiram, it's about time you learned how to use a real piece." "That's your job." "If I need a gun fired, I hire a gunman." "If you want to bed down with a real pretty woman," "I s'pose you just hire somebody to do that too." "Spare me your tiresome analogies." "Hiram." "Now, I said this once, and I'm gonna say it one more time." "There are some things a man has to do for himself, and right now shooting' is one." "And give me that stupid hideout piece." "It ain't gonna do you no good now." "OK, Juan, you keep your eye peeled for them there snake things." "Pay attention, Hiram." "Now, this is a single-action Colt Army." "This is the finest wheel gun ever made." "Don't be holdin' it like it's some skunk." "Now, it's an extension of your hand, OK?" "It's part of you." " And take a stance, like you mean it." " Mean what?" "Like you mean that every last lead plum that comes out of that barrel is gonna kill whatever you aim at." "OK." "OK." "Take yourself a shot at that can over there by the window." "You line up this blade with this notch then you just squeeze the trigger." "You don't jerk it." "It's all right." "They cannot break through the floor beams." "Now, you just relax, you just let your eyes, your brain, your hand, your trigger finger, all becomes one." "It's all right." "You got consistency now." " This is a waste of time!" " What do you expect?" "You wanna learn in 20 minutes what took me 20 years?" "They cannot break through the floor, so they are tearing it apart." "How could a snake be so strong?" " Look at that." "They decoyed us." " Good Lord." "How smart are they?" "Está malo." "We're gonna have nothing left to stand on." " Telegraph?" " It is no good for us." " We don't know the clicking code." " Click anything." "Someone will hear us." "I don't know what it is." "It's not Morse." "It's been going on for more than an hour?" "Maybe a tree is touching the wire." "That happened before." "This is different." "The telegrapher at Carson City wouldn't allow foolishness with his equipment." " Maybe not Carson City." " Not Carson City?" "Where else?" "This is from Carson City." "Where's that one from?" "This is from the muling station." "It must be Mr. Gummer." "He's the only one out there." " When will Tecopa and Pyong be back?" " One, two days." "Gone upcountry." "Getting firewood." "All right then." "I'll go myself." "Must you tap so loudly?" "Let your lead fly, man!" "What the hell are we up against?" "They... they grew." "Those snakes are not snakes." "They are tongues." "Three tongues!" " Each creature has three tongues." " And we saw nine before." " So there's still only three animals." " That's supposed to make me feel better?" "Good God, man, those things are the size of eight-mule freight wagons!" " Well, shoot them, like you're hired to do!" " You got to know your enemy, Hiram!" "I oughta be toting' some eight-bore firing' solid shot." "Or some damn punt gun." "Not these weapons I got." "All right." "All right." "I tell ya what we're gonna do." "We're gonna... we're gonna..." "We're gonna hold our fire till they come after us." "And then... and then we're gonna go toe to toe, point blank, full bore, throw all the lead we got at 'em." "And then maybe we'll get a... a lucky hit." "A brain shot or something." " There is not much floor left." " They'll be makin' their move anytime." "Get ready." "This may be it." "Now what are they up to?" "Oh, no!" "Mr. Kelly!" "Eat this!" "I'm out!" "I'm out!" "Christine is coming, Señor Gummer!" "Christine!" "Over here!" "Just drive the wagon!" " Where's Mr. Kelly?" " Dead." "Go on!" "Go on!" "Go!" "Well done, Mrs. Lord!" "Are they following us?" "I can't tell." "Yes, they are following us." "Faster!" " They're at their limit." "Hyah!" "Come on!" " We shall see." "They're enormous." "Ravenous." ""Spirit demons from dark places, eating souls that live in the light."" "Part of our legend." "We put bullet after bullet into them." "It didn't even slow them down." "Will they come here?" "To our town?" "They'd have to get through the pass." "Lots of rocks." "Maybe they cannot do it." "It hardly matters." "The mine will remain unapproachable." "So what is your intention?" "My intention is to leave this godforsaken place, as should all of you." "But the mine..." "Are you listening?" "The mine is lost." "Forget the mine." "Go on with your lives as if it never existed." "Start your lives over, just as I will have to." "No stupid animal is going to make me leave my land." "I'll go to Carson City, get some blasting powder." "Juan, we were lucky." "Dumb lucky." "If a man like Black Hand Kelly is no match for them, what chance do we have?" "Pyong, why would you stay?" "Take Fu Yien and the missis back to China." "Lu Wan forgets." "China not perfect." "No place perfect." "We will not leave our new home." "I'll send for my belongings, and see that the horse and equipment are returned." "That won't be necessary." "You can keep the horse, and the saddle and the rifle and the knife." "In trade for ownership of the mine." " You can't be serious." " It's the best offer you're gonna get." "When I reach Philadelphia, I intend to sell that mine for at least $50,000." "You will be preceded by a telegram to the newspapers describing in detail the creatures plaguing the mine, and why it is unworkable." "That's blackmail." "You wouldn't betray me like that." "We voted." "Four to one in favor of doing exactly that." "At least one of you has some sense of ethics." "I voted to drop you off a cliff." "Stay with us, Hiram." "Stay and fight." "You're wasting your lives." "You can have the cursed mine." "Whoa." "Whoa." "Mr. Gummer, please don't leave us." "Fu..." "Fu Yien, I can't help you." "¡Madre de Dios." "Hyah!" "Hyah!" "We were wrong." "They're coming." "The dirt dragons, they got through the upper valley pass." "I don't know when, but they are definitely coming." "Maybe they not find us, keep going south." "No, no, no, no." "They hunt by sound." "We are the only thing making noise between here and Carson City." "What do the sticks say?" ""Expect a ferocious arrival."" "Well, this is it, then." "The end of Rejection." "One ticket for your next train to Philadelphia." "Sleeping car." " One way." " Yes, sir." "Fools." " I beg your pardon?" " The people up in Rejection." "Funnier than a dancing bear, eh?" "Here's one they sent yesterday." ""Giant worms have left upper valley."" " "May find town."" " May I?" ""Need immediate help." "Giant worms."" "One ticket." "Sir?" "Your ticket?" "I was thinkin' I could make a sled for it." "We could pull it behind the last wagon." "There's no room." "Time to let it go." "Juan, where will you go?" "There is a new strike down near Tonopah." "I'm thinking of heading that way." "Where will we go?" " We are going to San Francisco." " And then back to China." "All our money is put in the store, and now it's all gone." "And you are not going to work on the railroad like momma and poppa." "They're coming!" "No, no, no, no." "Wait, wait." "They will come from the north, not from the south." "That is something else... or someone." "What poor soul would be coming here now?" "It's Mr. Gummer!" "Come on!" "Whoa!" ""A ferocious arrival"?" "Well, now, maybe I'll let you keep him after all." "Stop!" "Whoa, curse you!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa, you intransigent beasts!" " Delighted to see you're all well." " Hiram, they could be here any minute!" " I know." " Whatever are you thinking?" "That this idyllic Western retreat shall not fall prey to these mindless predators." "I have a cache of weapons that would impress even the late Black Hand Kelly." "One Sharps.52-calibre buffalo rifle." "One Remington 45-120 Rolling Block." "One Henry repeating rifle." "Smaller caliber, but impressive rate of fire." "One eight-gauge Remington... um... derringer." "One LC Smith ten-gauge stub twist coach gun." "And this." "A two-inch-bore punt gun." "Hiram, how did you get all of these things?" "You don't have any money." "A wise friend once told me it's not important how you spend your money, but how you spend your life." "Hiram Gummer, what is it you think we are going to do?" "Hm?" "Madam, I intend we throw our visitors a little corpse-and-cartridge occasion." "That we stand our ground and fight these despicable beasts to the death!" "We will fight!" "Right." "It takes me two years to make you leave China." "You think I want to go back?" " We do it." " We'll stomp 'em like snakes." " We will burn them down." " We'll smoke 'em up!" "Ah, Juan." "Knowing you, you'll need a spare." "Gracias, amigo." "They'll probably be coming from the north or the northeast." "Then we go out there and shoot them." "Too dangerous." "They can come up anywhere." "We dare not face them on their terms." " Stake a horse." "When they go for it..." " Tecopa, that's cruel." "Well, these are cruel times." "Can't we make noise with something else?" "That is a good idea, Fuito." "Any noise works." "It doesn't have to be a horse." "We could make noise on something like this." "Then when they come up, we shoot them." "Yes, an ambush." "We will lead them into our very gun muzzles." "We will make Rejection our last bastion, our last line of defense." " Our Alamo." " Juan, we were the losers at the Alamo." "Speak for yourself, gringo." "More cans." "I need more cans." "I'm eating as fast as I can." "What is all this?" "When they come, how do we know they come?" "We cannot see them." " Well, that is a concern." " When the ground shakes... we know they are here." "Dandy." "What is a punt gun?" "Something to do with shooting ducks." "A great many ducks." ""Pour in one pound of shot or balls." "Ram it down tight..."" "Yup!" "Hyah!" "Won't we need the horses?" "I mean, if we lose the fight?" "Can't have them making unnecessary noise." "Might spoil our trap." "And we're not going to lose, Fuito." "Shall we begin?" "Maybe we should try again tomorrow." "Perhaps Pyong was right." "Perhaps they've bypassed us for Carson City." "I don't know." "The ridge at the south end of the valley is all rock, like a big wall." " I don't think they can get past it." " They gotta be somewhere." "No!" "Fu, get inside!" " But I want to fight too!" " Fu, Fu." "The store is our fort." "We can't ever leave the fort unguarded." "You stay inside and keep guard." "You missed!" "With a cannon!" " Where did it go?" " Maybe the noise scared him away." "Mr. Gummer, it's coming!" "It's coming back!" "Hiram, quick!" "Yeah!" "It worked!" "Ugh!" "It stinks!" " There!" " Two more to go!" "Take your positions!" "Fu Yien, back inside!" "Juan!" "Did it do that on purpose?" "Juan, look out!" "Cannot shoot through dirt." "Hyah!" "Hah!" "Come on, you son of a bitch!" "¡Ay, caramba!" "Tecopa, gracias." "Aston..." "Astonishingly clever, my man." " It take your gun." "Did it know?" " I fear they are very intelligent." " But not as smart as us." " No." "Not as smart as us." "And there's only one left." "Where the hell is it?" "Let it show itself!" "Tecopa..." " Is it leaving?" " No." "No, it's circling." "Listening for prey." "What do we do?" "It seems our rifles aren't strong enough to kill it." "Without the punt gun, I fear we're lost." "So we just stop the fight, then?" "Give up?" "Maybe we take traction engine." "Try to get away." " It moves so slowly." " And you would leave our town?" "You have ideas for killing it?" "A man must learn to sail in all winds." "We must do what we can with what we have." "Well said." "You have black powder." "Maybe we could blow it up somehow." "Sure." "We make big firecracker." "I know how." "Excellent - but quietly." "Move very, very slowly." "Fu Yien, you go inside and get twine for fuse." "OK." " What are you doing?" " Powder for the fuse must be very fine." "Almost there." "Just another few minutes." "Fu..." "Fu!" " I can't see the door." " Fu, stay very quiet." "Make noise!" "Out here!" "Hey!" "Why doesn't it come for us?" "For the noise?" "I don't know." "They keep learning our every trick." "He's over here." "Fu!" "Good boy." "Good boy." "Hurry up." "The wagon!" "In the wagon!" "Get on." " Oh, good Lord!" " Let's get the rifles." "The bomb!" " Pyong, you must finish the bomb." " I need more time!" "We'll never have time to finish that!" "I have an idea." "¡Hijo de puta!" "Pyong, that big belt." "Excellent, excellent." "Tecopa!" "Help us here!" " What we need is some kind of hook." " I know where." "Over here, Juan!" "Go." "Go!" "Watch out!" "Yes!" " Mrs. Lord, are you well?" " Yes." "Are you all right?" "Yes, I am." "Gracias, amiguito." " You got 'em, Mr. Gummer." " Yes, Hiram." "You got 'em." "No, no." "We got 'em." "Well done, well done." "Hiram!" "The bank has approved your loan." "You can hire new workers, reopen the mine." "Well, if I recall, it no longer belongs to me." "It's yours, Hiram." "It's your mine." "We couldn't cheat you that way." "You need it worse than we do." "That's very kind." "But I'll only assume ownership under two conditions." ""Conditions"?" "We agree never to tell anyone about the dirt dragons." "If word of them ever got out, no one would ever settle here." "And the second condition?" "That the first proceeds of the mine are used to build a hotel and a market with real walls, to pay off Juan's land, and, uh..." "Tecopa, what do you want?" "A new statue." "One that looks like me." "And to commission a statue for Tecopa." "Does everyone agree to this?" "I am fearfully outclassed." "It's good you've decided to stay." "I shall personally supervise the mine" " I mean, as soon as I learn how it all works." "And I've selected an excellent location for my home." "On high ground." "Readily defended." "It will even have a basement." "That's a lot of room for one person." "Ideally, it... won't be for just one." " Oh, I really am hopeless." " You'll get better with a little practice." "In the meantime I bought something that might aid in your success as a marksman." "Dandy." "Hiram?"