"This is Paul Slippery." "He thinks his wife is having an affair." "Would you blame her?" " Peter, hi, it's me." " Hello!" " Can you talk?" " Of course." "Are you sure he doesn't suspect, darling?" "He's amazingly gullible." "I always thought if I wanted to have an affair I'd have carte blanche." "Who else are you trying to get your hands on?" "That would be telling!" "Are we still all right to meet?" "Can't wait!" "There's a lot I want to talk to you about, I'll see you in an hour." "Au revoir." "Good Lord!" "I was asleep." "Well, that's what you do between midnight and 7:45." "So, where are you off to today?" "Oh, you know, work, work." "Same as usual." "Of course!" "Of course, you're going to work." "Where else would you be going?" "I have to go in today, too." "It's Pilfrey's first day back after his enforced absence." "Can I have a lift?" "Sorry, darling, I'm not going to the office this morning." "That's funny." "I thought you were." "Going to work, I mean." "No, no, I've got a meeting in another part of town." "Another part of town, of course, stupid of me." "What's happening this morning?" "Does he suspect anything?" "God, I hope not!" "Now, remember, Rory:" " New man." " New man." " Consciousness raising." " Consciousness raising." "Oh, God, it's such a strain." "It's just so hard having to live in a lie," " I just..." " Hi." "Oh, hello." "So, where's Daniel?" "Daniel had an urgent meeting." "Daniel's no longer a proper member of this family in my opinion." "He's completely pissed Laura off." "Where are the girls?" "I haven't seen them about." "That's cause we're having a "cooling off" period." "They're coming over later today just to talk about things." "Relationships are difficult things." "People go through changes." "They feel... differently about each other." "It's not easy." "Sometimes it can be very, very painful." "What's that all about?" "He thinks something's up, he feels insecure." "But the only thing that is up is that we all think that he's a wonderful husband and father, and that we love him dearly." "Yes, I certainly think he's a wonderful man." "And I'm very glad that later on today the two of us, father and son, are hosting a men's consciousness raising group." "That's right!" "Right here, where you live as men to discuss your problems as men!" "Not that he has any problems as a man, or as a doctor, either." " Hello." " Hi, I was just checking this paintwork." "Need to do something about that paintwork." "So where's Edwin?" "Don't tell me he's actually gone to school." "No, I said he could stay here today, he's in bed with Woj and Snozzer." "Woj and Snozzer?" "What is this, a knocking shop?" "I draw the line at my youngest son having threesomes when he should be boning up on the life and times of Pliny the Younger." "We weren't having a threesome, dad." "Don't even know what they are, do we, Woj?" "Even if we knew what they were, we weren't be getting involved in one, Mr Slippery." "You can catch terrible diseases, especially of Snozzer." "It's true." "We were just sitting around and chatting and stuff." "Yeah, you'd have to pay me money to have sex with your son, Mr Slippery." "Yeah?" "How much to take him to school?" "So, off you go to your meeting in another part of London?" "Yes, off I go." "What other part of London is it?" " Turnham Green." " Turnham Green!" "Cause I've got a housecall in Turnham Green." " Have you?" "Who with?" " A patient." "So, you know, I could come with you." "Oh, no, that wouldn't work because my meeting in Turnham Green is after my first meeting which is... in another part of town." "It's funny, Estelle, that Rory and Daniel and Lucy and Laura are going through this crisis" "in terms of commitment, but you and me are still..." "What?" "You and me." "Aren't we?" "We were the last time I looked." "Hello, Surinder." "You're back!" "Yes, I am." "I don't know for how long, but I'm back." "I fought with my demons, and I think I may have won." " You're early, too." " I am." "I've had therapy." "Much, much, much therapy." "I've grown, I've changed," "I've developed." "Have you read the Little Book of Growth and Change?" "No." "No." "All right, it's in Chinese." "I've taken a long, hard, good and intensive look at myself, and I didn't like what I saw." "I saw..." "I saw a twisted, twisted, twisted individual." "No change there, then." "Say again?" "Joke." "Yes, good." "Joke." "Good joke." "Thanks for that, Surinder." "So what's up with your dad?" "My mum's organising some kind of surprise reunion for him." "She thinks it'd cheer him up." "He didn't look too cheerful." "Wait till you see his face when he sees the video." "Making a compilation." "Are you and Edwin going out, Woj?" "Ours is a doomed love, Snozzer." "The other end of town, eh?" "Surinder." "The woman I should've married." "This is unexpected." "Should I have married you?" " Yes, you definitely should have!" " Who are you calling?" "Paul?" "Where are you?" "Surinder, my life is in a total mess." " Hello." " Are you okay?" "Are you here for the meeting?" " Which meeting is that?" " The AA meeting." " No, I'm RAC." " Paul?" "Alcoholics Anonymous." "Alcoholics Anonymous?" "What am I doing outside an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting?" "Surinder, did I hear Paul say he was an alcoholic?" " I'm not an alcoholic!" " Nobody said you were." "Although I think perhaps my wife may be one." "Why is that?" "Look, Surinder, I... why are you asking me these questions?" "Why are you interfering with my life in the first place?" "Because you're blocking my driveway." "Fine, I'm blocking the driveway, all right, I'll move the car, and get out of your life." "Surinder, just give me a moment." "Paul!" "Paul, I'm here." "We want to help you, Paul." "Pilfrey?" "Is that you?" "I wasn't aware I was having a conversation with you!" "Paul!" "Paul, speak to me!" "Could you possibly move your car?" "My wife wants to go out." "There is no way I can drive this car!" "They might see me!" "I think we both know why you can't drive this car." "Yes." "Yes, you're absolutely right." "I'm completely drunk." "I'm absolutely blotto." "I'm usually totally pissed at 9:30 in the morning." "Would you like me to drive the car for you?" "Yes." "Yes, I would like that very much." "You carry on." "You still there Surinder?" "Yes, we are here." "I mean I'm here, I am." "Right, I'll call you back." "But he does suspect something, Peter, he's behaving really oddly." "I sort of thought he's been following me or something." "Look, if you're worried about him finding out, you'd better get hold of good old Steve." "He's made an appointment to see Paul this morning." "About his ears." "He'd probably blurt out the whole thing!" "We can't have that, you've got to call him!" "Ear problem, can't use his mobile." "I'll have to go to the surgery." "You are wonderful." "You swine!" "Are you okay?" "Yes, I'm fine." "I'm fine." "I've been better but I'm fine." "It doesn't help being drunk perhaps." "No, I'm not drunk." "I'm completely sober." "Right." "Can I have my car keys?" "Don't worry." "You'll get your keys." "Can I have them now?" "Friends don't let friends drive." "What?" "Paul!" "Hi." "Peter!" "You two know each other?" "Yes, we do." "We do." "Although I haven't seen Peter for years." "How are you?" "A lot has happened in my life, Paul." "Yeah, I bet." "Paul's thinking of coming to the meeting." "Am I?" "I think that's why he found himself here." "I see." " No, all I want is my car keys!" " You don't want to come in with us?" "Isn't there anything you want to get off your chest?" "I don't see there's any point in my attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting." "Why is that, Paul?" "Because I'm not an alcoholic." " Right." " Sure." "Sometimes Paul it's really hard to face up to things in yourself." "We rather lost touch when I was going through what I went through." "Sometimes it was like being in a room, you know, in a big, dark room." "Sometimes things went very fast, sometimes they flattened out like a plate." "You're an alcoholic." "I am." "And he's an alcoholic." "And you both think that I...?" "Oh, why not." " Say it!" " Say it." "I am an alcoholic." "I'm glad you had the courage to say that, Paul." "Hi, Lisa, is she in?" "Okay." "Well, what's made you late today?" "Did Paul lost his trousers?" "I'm really sorry, Gwendolen, but I'm trying to organise this reunion thing for him because he's..." "Well, he's falling to bits really and I don't know what to do to help him and..." "I've got to go to the surgery." "You'll be cutting up his food for him next." "Look, we have a presentation here at 3:00." "You're leading it." "I know." "I'll be here at 3:00." "My name is Peter... and I'm an alcoholic." " Hello, Peter." " Hi, Peter." "Fair enough." "I'm not really functioning very well at the moment." "I'm feeling very... flat." "Some weeks ago I met a woman at a bar, and... went home with her." "She was wearing a... a thong." "Indeed." "Later another woman arrived and..." "She seemed to be a friend of this woman's and..." "She had..." "She had this... hose." "And we... you know... made love." "Which made me feel... confused." "Later on a man arrived in a cloak." "And he had a whip." "Which made me feel even more confused, I suppose." "And there was someone now..." "with another hose." "It was a bigger hose than the first hose." "Although that was still in..." "in... in evidence." "Thank you." " Thank you." " Thank you." " Where's Dan?" " Urgent meeting, running late." "He's acting so weird lately." "What kind of weird?" "Hi." "Urgent meeting, running late." "Text message from Sweden." "What up?" "Okay, uhm..." "Laura and I have been talking..." " And?" " You say it, Laura." "We don't think it's going anywhere." " Rory, Lucy's very fond of you..." " She can't speak for herself?" "...but it doesn't seem right." "And Dan... you and me..." "Well, it all seems a horrible mess somehow." "I'm sorry, it's over." "For all of us." "Do you two always do everything together?" " Yes." " Yeah." "So that's it?" "You're not gonna talk about it, you're just gonna walk out like that?" " That's it?" " I'm afraid we are." "It's all my fault, really." "I'm sorry." "Thanks a lot." "This is my fault?" "I don't know." "There are girls on every corner, my brother." "Coming to your neck of the woods today." "Why?" "There's money in poverty." "Paul, would you like to share?" "Okay." "Okay." "My name is Paul... and I'm not an alcoholic." "I mean, I plan on being one, in the very near future." "I don't know if it qualifies me to be at this meeting, but it does seem to be the only way out of the situation that I'm in." "I plan on drinking a hell of a lot very soon." "My wife..." "Can't believe I'm telling you this..." "But the fact is my wife is... also not an alcoholic." "As far as I can tell." "You just never know how to spot one these days, do you?" "And they're everywhere really..." "Pretending to drink mineral water, and then they're off around the back having a crafty belt for the old vodka." "I don't need to tell you lot that obviously, cause..." "Presumably you're no strangers to the well-camouflaged hip flask..." "The large Macallans on your cornflakes in the morning." "Not that there's anything so terribly wrong with that." "I mean, Peter and I..." "We used to knock back a few in the old days." "We never used to make a fuss about it then." "Although obviously now he..." "goes on about it all the time." "Not that there's anything wrong with... with... going on about it." "I mean I have been rat-arsed in my time." "I was hammered for 3 days straight when I found out about Sue Drake." "Sue Drake." "But it was before I got married, obviously." "I've been happily married now for 20 years." "And my wife has has just gone back to work." "My kids are growing up and growing away from me." "And I suppose I..." "I just feel as if I don't count anymore." "So although I'm not an alcoholic," "I am quite screwed up enough to be one." "And you know, I feel quite at home here." "You all seem very nice." "And I must say I was devastated to learn that old Peter was a lush." "As I haven't seen him for six years so..." "You know..." "What can I say?" " Thank you." " Thank you." " Thank you." " Thank you, Paul." "Can I have my car keys back now?" "Hi." " Hi." " I'm Harry." "The new Führer." " Oh, hi." " Sorry I haven't said hi before, my feet haven't touched the ground since I got here." " Where were you before?" " Before?" "Before homelessness called." "Oh, University of Ryegate, you?" "I've been all over." "I was with Age Concern, trying to drag them into the 21st century." "I kicked arse with the Samaritans." "They were phoning each other by the time I was through." " You're a..." " Kind of like a manager." "Gorilla manager." "Charities are not nice, my friend." "The world of philanthropy is a tough one." "I've called a big meeting this afternoon to discuss our management structure." "Be there or be square, my friend." "We are about to modernise and it is not a time for old fashioned sentiment." "No sleeping bag is safe." " Nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you, too." " Paul!" " Hi." "Pilfrey." "Welcome back." "Good." "Look, Rosie..." "I'm gonna be seeing a chap called Steve Norish, and for reasons I don't really want to go into it's possible that my wife may turn up and want to see him while I'm seeing him." " Do not let her in!" "Okay?" " Fair enough." "He has real pain in his marriage." " How'd you work that out?" " He's strained and tight!" "I know the signs." "See, I'm sexually very giving." "Locked in a marriage and I realised that's loveless in spite of Gordon and all he's done." "Bit like a carpet and a hairbrush, if you will." "But here I am, trying to work my way back to the hearts and minds of this practice." " What are you on about, Pilfrey?" " Ronnie, Ronnie." "Paul is flipping, that's what we say in therapy class." "He sees things, he's having delusions." "Why would Estelle suddenly bust in here, demand to see one of his patients?" "Rosie, Rosie!" "Is Paul seeing someone called Steve Norish?" "When I get the wax out of my ear, it's a rather peculiar colour." "And how'd you get it out?" " My fingernails." " Yeah, me too." "Well, I can't find anything wrong with you, I'm afraid." "Although you probably shouldn't be drinking 29.5 pints of beer a week." "Nah." "Do you ever feel as if you're alone in a big dark room, with a plate?" " What?" " Nothing." "How's Estelle?" "Perhaps I should be asking you that." "Should you?" "Look, Steve." "We've known each other a long time," "I don't think we have to beat about the bush." "What I mean is I'm pretty sure I know what's going on." "Surinder, couldn't I just pop in..." "Please, Surinder!" "He's going to blow the gaff on the surprise party I've arranged for Paul!" " Oh, I'd love to come to that." " Look, I'm sorry, Estelle, but bursting in on a doctor and patient is against the rule!" "I came as soon as I could." " Excuse me, do you mind?" " What's the matter?" "Estelle..." "Paul is an alcoholic." "He's been in denial for years, but today he turned up at my AA meeting." " What?" " It would explain a lot." " Don't be absurd." " Yes, of course." "We heard him." "We heard his pain, we heard his confusion." "We didn't reach out to him, but I think we need to reach out to him and ask him how he feels." "You're Peter, aren't you?" "Ronnie Pilfrey." "We met in rehab." "Ronnie!" "Look, Steve..." " I know about Peter Mailer." " Peter Mailer." "Is he one of our number?" "What number?" "There's quite a few blokes involved." "From over the years." " My God!" " Paul, what'd you expect?" "You don't say no to Estelle." "But who are they?" "Well... there's a friend of Nobby's, Buster," "Leslie Frimm," "George Henry McAffey, obviously." "Obviously!" "Cyril de Tourner, the mate of Clive's with the obvious rug," "Ron MacIntyre, the Grudzinski twins." "Ted Beacham," "Jonathan Kellerman, I suppose." "It's a ring!" "Paul is many things, he's very bad at expressing his feelings, he gets ridiculously paranoid at times, I know, but this..." "Estelle, he came to the meeting." "He came to Alcoholics Anonymous." "Which is great!" "He's getting there." "He spoke very movingly and eloquently about his drinking problem." "He is trying to confront it but he's not through it yet." "Not by a long chalk." "He is close to mental collapse." "I'm glad you told me this, Steve." "At least you're not one of them." "Christ, Paul, I was one of the first!" "Well, me and Jeff Shaw." "Jesus!" "Jeff Shaw?" "!" "He's Edwin's godfather!" "And you, supposedly, are one of my best friends!" "That's the point, isn't it?" "Jeff's around at your place right now, setting things up with Edwin." "And you come to me?" "Talking about earwax?" "!" "Well, you can tell Mr Shaw that I'm on my way over there right now and he'd better be wearing protective clothing when I arrive!" " My husband is 100% sane..." " He's a wounded animal, Estelle." "He's completely normal!" "How could you?" "My God, Jeff Shaw?" "Leslie Frimm?" "The Grudzinski twins?" "I mean, Jesus Christ!" "No, no, no!" "I was prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt." "You're obviously half-seas over most of the time anyways, so fair enough." "Paul." "Let's be calm and talk." "I think it's a little too late for talk, wouldn't you say?" "Paul, what is wrong with you?" "And involving the children, Estelle, that is the lowest trick of all." "Let me tell you that I'm going home right now, and I'm gonna punch Jeff Shaw on the nose!" "I just don't know how you could do this to me." "That mate of Clive's with the obvious rug?" "Have you got no taste at all?" "I thought you liked him, that's the whole point!" "I can't stand him myself, actually." "You are sick." "Paul!" "Paul!" "This is entirely typical behaviour." "What?" "Becoming hysterical because I organised a party for him?" "Of course!" "His self-esteem is so low that he sees anything with him at the centre of it as a threat." "I did notice he quite often had a pint at lunchtime." "You know, that's the first indication." "And he said to me last Christmas they intended to get lagged up!" "Better follow him before he becames really dangerous." "Did you say your son was with Jeff?" "Paul is not a violent man!" "You have to face the truth, Estelle." "My husband's an alcoholic." "Is that guy really my dad?" "He had long hair till the Berlin Wall came down." "I don't know if the two events are connected." " So, Rory gets him back here..." " Edwin?" "Jeff, are you there?" "Jeff, it's Estelle." "It's about Paul, we're extremely worried about him." "Can you pick up if you're there, please?" "Jeff?" "It's Peter." "Paul is an alcoholic!" "He's also deeply disturbed and in denial!" "He somehow found out about tonight." "And finds it a threat!" "Hello?" "Hi, you don't know me, but I work with Paul." "We're all really worried and wondering what to do." "Jeff, Jeff, hi." "My name is Ronnie Pilfrey." "He may be in alcoholic psychosis." "I thought I detected traces of Fuhrmann syndrome." " I am a qualified doctor." " Just." "I'm here for him, Jeff." "And for you, too, should you need me." "Apparently, the thing to do is not to make any specific references to the reunion, he finds it very upsetting." "Try and get him to call me!" "Actually, I think it's me he should call." "Try and get him to explore his feelings!" "It's his feelings we're interested in." "He feels confused, betrayed, lost, and this party is some kind of a metaphore for his aloneness." "You think he may be dangerous?" "Yes." "I certainly do." "I won't do anything to offend him." "You know, it's funny, I feel... ridiculously guilty about pulling the wool over his eyes." "He's always been so easy to con." " A new fan belt, you say?" " Oh my God, he's there, isn't he?" " Stay calm, Jeff!" " I'll have to think about that." " Stay calm!" " Thanks." "Paul." "Hi." "I didn't realise you were in the house." "Crept up on me." "By which I mean there's no reason you shouldn't be in the house." "It is your house, for God's sake!" "Paul?" "How are you feeling?" "I'm fine." "Absolutely fine." "I know all about it, you know." "I... know you know." "And I'm glad, in a way, you know." "And I'm glad that you know..." "I know." "I mean, Jesus, Jeff!" "That mate of Clive's with the obvious rug?" "!" "Jesus." "Why don't we sit down and talk about it, eh?" "Paul, are you sure you need that?" "If ever a situation called for getting blind-drunk," "I would say that this was it." "Wouldn't you, Jeff?" "Honestly?" "I'm afraid I wouldn't." " It's only a question..." " Oh, what's the point?" "It's Sue Drake all over again." "Will it never end?" "Paul, listen..." "Paul!" "Wait a minute, listen to me..." " Hi, dad." " Hi." "Dad, you're young." "It's so weird." "Indeed." "The good old days." "I'm afraid things have rather changed since then." "Indeed." "Edwin, Woj, I think you should leave." "Why?" "Oh, do you two wanna..." "kinda... hug and stuff?" "It wasn't precisely what I had in mind." " We were just looking at the videos because..." " He knows, Woj." "Shame." "I don't think the young people should be forced to watch this, do you?" "No, it's cool!" "We really like it." "The Grudzinski twins are wicked." "There's that really funny bit with the baguette." "I don't mean this, I mean..." "Edwin, Woj, just go." " I don't see why a surprise..." " Edwin, please." "I think I know how you must be feeling." "Jeff, you don't have any idea how I'm feeling." "You have no conception." "I can try, Paul." "I can try to understand how you feel." "Hi, hello, hi, hi." "Hello, hi, everyone." "This is Daniel Slippery from Elucidate Management Consultancy." "He's prepared a plan for us." " Dan." " Thanks, Harry." "Modern charities are tough, money orientated institutions." "And we at Elucidate feel that a heritage of caring is no substitute for the bottom line." "Now, the biggest asset of any company walks through the door in the morning." "It's you!" "But you're also the biggest overhead." "Rory has a question." "Yes." "How long are we gonna have to listen to this bollocks?" "I've prepared a plan which details the staff to be lost." "At the end of the meeting I'm gonna read it to you." "And then we're gonna club you to death." "Wait a second." "You're saying..." "You're saying that you all knew about each other?" "Yeah, absolutely." "Well, I mean..." "Estelle was obviously... you know... in the middle." "Pulling our strings, so to speak." "But how can you sit in my house and look me in the eye and tell me these things?" "It's only a bit of fun, Paul." "I can remember one hilarious night, when some of us were upstairs in your bedroom, and you were downstairs, and we thought you'd rump us." "And that mate of Clive's with the obvious rug, said to Nobby's friend..." "I'm really sorry." "I can see you're finding this upsetting." "Just a little." "I mean, involving Edwin, for God's sake?" "Edwin's been crucial!" "He's been getting the videos of all of us." " Rory..." " Oh, no, no, no, no!" "No, no, no, no!" "No!" "I know my oldest son better than anyone else in the world, and if you think that he'd been happy to be dragged into this perverted scheme, then you've got another thing coming!" "Paul, it was only a few tapes!" "Paul, come on." "Tell me what you're feeling." "Get out of my house!" "Go on, get out!" "Out!" "You need help!" "Well, my name's Paul Slippery" "And I work for the National Health" "Well, my name is Paul Slippery National Health." "....betrayed me" "And my family left me on the shelf." " Surinder, hi!" " Hi." "Come in." "Paul, I'm really worried about you." "Are you okay?" "Not okay." "Not okay." "Come on, sit up, Paul, sit up!" "You're so sweet, Surinder." "You're so kind and gentle, and sweet and intelligent, and... medically qualified." "And... brown." "No, don't laugh, Surinder." "You were always the girl I wanted." "You were the one I wanted all those years and months and weeks... and things." "Sleep with me, please." "No." "Okay." "Would you call me a minicab?" "Just how good a begger are you?" "Do you use bandages?" "Have you got a dog?" "And is it the right dog?" "Dad?" "Darling, it's Estelle here." "Your father has an extremely serious drinking problem, he's on his way over to talk to you..." "He's extremely dangerous, Rory!" "It's Peter here." "He's in urgent need of therapy!" "I told you, I can't talk about this, bloody Daniel's about to fire me!" "Mum, I told you, I'm in the middle of an important meeting, I can't..." "Rory, you don't seem to got hold of this." "Your father is extremely dangerous." "To himself and others!" "Get out of there while you have the chance!" "He's full of rage and despair!" " Jesus, he's here." " Get out of there, Rory." "Get out now!" " Hey!" " Excuse me!" "No, it's all right, I'll handle it." "Sit down!" "So..." "So that that's..." "Let's get to the main event, this is... my redundancy plan for Side Street." "Redundancy?" "Good idea." "Cut out the deadwood." "No, don't!" "Don't cut out the deadwood." "You've gotta save wood." "Wood doesn't grow on trees, you know?" "Shut up." "I've analysed the books and I've studied your working practices." "And I've concluded that only one person is surplus to requirement." "And that's your managing director, Harry Green." " What?" " He pays himself too much." "In the three weeks he's been here, he's claimed 19 taxi fares, and 15 lunches." "What's wrong with the bus, Harry?" "Ever heard of a sandwich?" "Guys, look, I'm an MD." "I don't do buses." "And the rest of you, including my hardworking brother over there, you're the beating heart of this concern." "All power to you." "Why am I clapping?" "God, it was scary." "I had to go down to the pub to recover." "No offence." "Rory's turned his mobile off." "Paul is now convincing his sons that it was us and not him who is in serious need of medical help." "That is entirely typical behaviour." "Maybe he's right!" "There you are, you see." "Alcoholics are notoriously plausible and cunning." "Yeah, we noticed." " Who are you?" " I'm Woj." "I'm not an alcoholic." "Peter, you're an expert in all this." "Do you think Paul continue chucking stuff about?" "It's very hard to say, Estelle." "It's very hard to say anything really." "I mean, I seem perfectly normal and sane to you, Edwin..." "Count me out of this." "...or to you, say, Woj..." "I'm with him." "I've been waiting for you to say that!" "But actually, inside, there's this little man screaming:" ""Go on!"" ""Peter, go on!" "Have a gin and tonic!"" ""And a large Jameson's on the rocks!"" "Sorry, inside where?" "Inside me." "Oh, God." "Thanks for this." "Look, whatever Estelle's told you, and that is entirely her affair," "I just don't want to get into a slaying match." "What matters to me is that my relationship with you guys is... you know... unchanged." "By the... the things that are going on." "What things are going on?" "I don't want to get into that." "Neither do I, but as far as I'm concerned, nothing's going on." " Anything going on, Daniel?" " Uhm, not as far as I'm aware." "Estelle does think you're an alcoholic." "Then she doesn't know me." "Peter Mailer thinks you're an alcoholic." "Peter Mailer thinks everyone is an alcoholic." "Dad, you are pissed!" "Text message from Reykjavík!" "Beat that!" "Dan, you're my brother, and I love you, but we don't want to beat that." "Okay." "Well, I think I should be going home now." "I'd very much like it if you two chaps would come with me." "Cause you... are good men." "Decent, God fearing men." "And I know that you wouldn't lie to me." "Not about anything major, anyway." "Well, I think we should have, like, beanbags." "Yeah, and joss sticks." "Trouble is I've got no idea what a men's consciousness raising session looks like!" "The only way I've ever raised my consciousness is by shagging complete strangers!" "I don't know if we should be having this, it might be too much of a shock for him." "Estelle!" "Estelle!" "Rory called." "Paul's sober now." "It's gonna be hard, but we'll all help." "We'll all give him love." "Thank you very much, Peter." "My second wife organised a surprise party for me." "Throughout it I had the strong delusion that I'd arranged it." "It broke up the marriage." "There's a guy hanging around outside who looks like a flasher." "Cyril de Tourner." "He is always early." "I think it's really great that you're coming to this men's group, Daniel." " My pleasure." " Although he is unreachable." "I'm so not unreachable!" "I'm a really nice, decent, honest, sincere man, who tries to respect my bitch." "You know, I've had the most terrible day." "And yet, I feel okay." "Because you guys are with me." "And you're not gonna spring any surprises on me." "But I really want to hear about Lucy and Laura." "I want us to..." "to really talk, you know?" "Honestly and openly as male... men." "Edwin, darling, stop picking!" "Hello." "Excuse me, everybody, Paul's gonna be here in 3 minutes," "I want you to sit down and look sensitive." "Estelle?" "It's Gwendolen." "Don't ever do that to me again!" "We're coming to some sort of crisis, you and I." "Why the hell weren't you at the presentation?" "You need to decide what you want, Estelle, and not in my time..." "And Steve pulled her!" "Right?" "He got her in the back of the old Mondeo!" "He gave her one!" "Very funny." "Now, everyone, let's get on with this." "Sit down, please." "Sit down." "Right." "You look completely unreconstructed." "You're meant to be new men!" "Raising your levels of consciousness, talking about your feelings!" " And farting." " And farting." " Yes." " Listen to the boss." "When he comes in, I want you to look at the floor and then turn suddenly." "Then what?" "Then he has a heart attack." "Right, men..." "let's raise some consciousness." " Hi, Paul!" " Hello, Paul!" "Cyril de Tourner is a really nice bloke." "Cyril de Tourner is a creep." "And Leslie Frimm... that Joan Baez impression:" "superb stuff!" "You know, I think those Grudzinski twins, I think they're gay." " Both of them?" " Possibly." "Peter Mailer really likes the taste of Coca Cola, he told me." "Peter Mailer is crashingly boring." "I'm really sorry about today." "Don't worry." "It's perfectly normal to think your wife is shagging all your oldest friends." "I just don't know what got into me." "You..." "Women." "That is exactly the word I was looking for, you women..." "You women are more perceptive in human relations than men." "How did you know I was gonna say that?" "You say it three times a week." "In the early '90s you started to say it every day until I told you to stop, which you did for about a year, and now you gradually phase it back in again." "God, I must be boring to live with." "You are sometimes." "You can remember what I said in 1995, and I can't even remember when we last had sex." "Can't you?" "You don't believe I can't remember when we last had sex." "I don't say I don't believe," "I just don't know whether I believe or not." "I can remember." "I can remember when we had sex once." "It was in a hotel room in France." "It was the afternoon." "It was very hot and we could... hear kids playing in the square below, we didn't have any kids back then." "And afterwards we just laid there... and looked at each other..." "We didn't speak." "It was like the whole world had stopped." "Do you remember that?"