" Hey." " You are so beautiful." "Don't distract me." "This is hard work." "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait." "Okay." "Uh..." " Low side, high side." " How do I look?" "Eh, we'll deal with it later." "This is already way better than my first wedding." "Oh, yeah?" "You don't miss the horse-drawn carriage and the puffy white dress?" " Oh, you saw those pictures." " I snooped." " You look good." " You feel good." "Mm." "Let's drive around." " We have guests." " They can wait." " Yes, they can." " Come on." "They can." "Charlie?" "Your head." "Oh, you're cut." " Oh." "I'm fine, I'm fine." " Yeah?" " You okay?" " Yeah." "Check him." "I'll be back." "Yeah." "Hi." "I've been in an accident." "York and Adelaide." "We need an ambulance." "Hey." "Are you okay?" "Can you talk?" "Alex!" " Yeah?" " I need your purse!" "Yeah." "You're bleeding." "Okay." " It's okay." "You have a collapsed lung." " Here." "But you're gonna be fine, okay?" "I promise." "Just..." "lie still." "Uh...the, uh, plastic thingy." "The, uh, the tube thing from the, uh..." " The tampon." "The tampon, yeah." " Yeah." "This can't wait." "Okay." "Don't worry." "In my other life, I'm a doctor." "Let's get a second vehicle rolling right away." " Watch the glass over there." " Come on!" "32-3 7." "Doctors are on scene." "On the way." " Collapsed lung." " Thanks, Doc." "Thank you." "How you doing?" "Hey." "We're okay." " What happened?" " I don't know." "But I want to get married, okay?" "Charlie?" "You okay?" "What is it, baby?" "What is it?" "Charlie, talk to me." "Charlie, talk to me." "Charlie?" "Charlie!" "Medic!" "Medic!" "Good." "Keep bagging him." " How many minutes out?" " Less than five away right now." "B.P.'s 90 over 65 and falling." " He's nonresponsive to pain." " Okay." "Okay." "His pupils are reactive." "Okay, that's good." " Good." " Got it, got it." "Go, go, go, go, go!" "Get out of the way!" "Okay, let's go faster." "I think I'm bleeding into my head." "I was lucid for a while, so it's probably an epidural bleed." "He was lucid right before it happened." "It was probably an epidural bleed." "Start an I.V. We need a respiratory therapist." "Move him out now." "Let's go." "Starting a 1 4 gauge, left A.C." "Screen for two units and get some baseline electrolyte value." " Get me a gown!" " Let's get him into CT." " Radiology's backed up." " He's the Chief of Surgery." " He's not gonna wait." " You tell her, Alex." "Where is my gown?" "He's not withdrawing from pain." "He's been unconscious for 3 7 minutes." " Wait a second." " Got it." " Did you check for..." " Type and screen for two units." "And get some baseline electrolyte value." "He's been under for 3 7 minutes." "Wait, where's my gown?" "Come on, are his pupils reacting?" "Somebody check that." "This is how it happens." "You leave it all behind." "Alex, can you hear me?" "Everything you love." "Everything you know." "Can anyone hear me?" "You belong to the hospital now." "And all you can do...is hope." "He says to the third guy, "What'd you see?"" "He says, "I saw the monkey trying to put the cork back in."" "Okay, let's just jump right in, then." "Uh, management of soft tissue sarcomas in the upper limbs -- amputation or limb-sparing surgery?" "Now is the time when someone usually answers the question." "Dr. Lin." " Um..." " Dr. Reycraft?" "Well, I would have to learn a little bit more about " "Dr. Reid." "I'm a general surgeon, not an orthopedic surgeon." "Yes, but you are a doctor, aren't you?" "You do have an opinion." "I would save the arm." "Why?" "Because if the tumor doesn't metastasize, the survival rate is 75%." "Yes, but if it does, if it goes systemic, the patient's five-year survival rate is zero." " You're just playing a numbers game." " That's because it is a numbers game." " What else is there?" " Dr. Harris is right." "Percentages are percentages." "See?" "Brain surgeon -- smartest guy in the room." "How can you be so sure of yourself, Dr. Harris?" "Because that's my job..." "Dr. Reid." "I have completely lost my place." "What the hell was that?" "Foreplay." "* Mm... mm, mm *" "* I want you in my bed in a minute flat... *" "Okay." "You've got to be kidding me." " You have rounds?" " Yeah, I got to hustle, baby." "That's not hustle." "Hey, do you think we ordered enough beer?" "Uh, they're a hotel." "I'm pretty sure they're stocked." "Look, I just want everything to go right." "Hey, you don't think it's bad luck that you saw the dress, do you?" "Wait." "Don't answer that." "I know you don't believe in luck." "It's just this is so not like me." "I'm nervous." "I like the dress." "I don't believe in luck, but I do believe in love and you and this." "I'll see you at 8:00." " That's great." "We'll be there by 8:30?" " Married by 9:00." " Good morning." " Morning." "Now, I know you know this, Shawn, but I have to ask." "You didn't drink anything or eat anything?" " You said not to, so I didn't." " Okay." "We're gonna go through the consent one more time." "This is your arm." "Your tumor is right here, near the shoulder." "Stage III." "It's pretty big." "It's also spread to the lymph nodes, which is why we need to remove your arm." " Understood?" " As clear as a bell." "Let's do this bitch." "I like the positive attitude." "Now, this is gonna seem a little weird, Shawn, but, um..." "I'd rather not amputate the wrong arm." "Sign where the stickies are." "Nurse is gonna prep you, and I want to see you in half an hour." "You nervous?" "Don't be nervous." "Just, uh, solving a problem here." "Just like to hear what Dr. Reid has to say." " Okay, what do we have?" " This is Angela." "She came in with nonspecific abdominal pain." "Hi, Angela." "I'm Dr. Reid, chief surgical resident." "Says here that you've been having some abdominal cramping." " How long?" " Since after breakfast." "She's been, like, crying and everything." "Okay, Dr. Lin, can you examine her again?" "Press." "Ow." "Angela, does it hurt when she presses or lets go quickly?" " Um, when she lets go." " That's rebound tenderness." "Okay, we need to get some blood work done, and then if that's okay, we're gonna get you a CT and see if something's up with your appendix." "Easy." "Is there something else?" "No." "Don't worry." "The test will show us what's going on." "I'm sorry." "I was having trouble examining her because...she's so fat." "Maggie, that's the fifth time you've paged me." "I know." "I just -- I don't want to make a mistake." "Take it slow." "Listen to the patients." "Trust the facts." "Okay?" " Okay." "Um..." " Yes?" "I know this is my first week rotating in general surgery, but I was hoping you could give me the weekend off." " Family reunion." " Ask Dr. Harris." "He's the boss." "I was hoping you might speak to him." "Hope isn't a plan." "Ask him yourself." "Bus crash." "Ejected through the windshield approximately 1 0 feet." "I got a penetrating chest wound..." "I need a room!" "Full trauma team." " Get me to the O.R." " Prep the O.R." "Oh, hey." "Alex." "You look like a million bucks, by the way." " Page thoracics." " Whoo!" "Call for the O-negative stat." "I'm calling the blood bank to get the O-neg." "See?" "And I was all hopeful when you paged me." "Oh, yeah?" "Yep." "I thought that you needed more surgery." "No." " What you got?" " Bus crash victim." "He was talking to the bus driver, went through the windshield." "Blunt abdominal trauma." "Tap was positive." "Ultrasound?" "Uh, fuzzy." "Get the suction ready." "This guy's gonna go boom." "Whoa." "Okay." "What do we got?" "There's a long and deep laceration in the right lobe of the liver." "Put in a retractor so I can see the spleen." "Deaver." "What does it look like?" " It's mush." "It's not salvageable." " B.P.'s 60." "I'm having trouble maintaining." "Okay, let's leave the spleen for now, pack it away, and we'll suture the liver first." "Sponges." " So how many kids you want to have?" " What?" "You heard me." "Could have one or two if you like." "Hell, we could even kick it Catholic school and have three." "Liver suture and keep them coming." "This guy'll be lucky to make it off the table." " Let's do everything we can." " Already are." "Anybody hear if the medics found an organ donor card?" "No wallet." "No nothing." "Guy's a John Doe." "Let's try a dopamine injection." "Try to boost his cardio." "Hey, man." " How you coming in?" " Oh, hey." "Good, good." "I wish I could shake your hand." "I can't." "No, no, no." "No worries." "Welcome to Hope-Z." "Hey." " You got everything you need?" " Yeah, I have." "Man, look, I got to tell you, it's an honor to be working with you." "Please, the pleasure's ours, and I'm getting all the credit for it, so it's even better." "I'm gonna see you at 8:00, and I'll, uh, I'll see you." "See you later, man." "I thought you started work tomorrow." "Yeah, you know, I figured I'd sort of settle into the office and hang some pictures, and, uh, then this whole bus crash thing happened, so..." "Right, I noticed that." "I'm Shahir Hamza." "I'm a neurosurgeon." "Oh, hey, man." "I'm Joel Goran." "I'm the...orthopedic surgeon." "It's gonna be weird, isn't it?" "Oh, Shahir?" " No, he's just like that." " No, I mean you and me." "I mean, you didn't invite me to the wedding, so presumably you're still in love with me." "Right." "I totally forgot." "I like to remember the poems you wrote me..." " Mm-hmm." " ...the breakfasts in bed, the nurses you were banging." "Okay, we can stop right there." "No, seriously, if I'd known you'd be here, we would have invited you." "If you get off early -- Park Regency, suite 91 8, open bar." " It's a no-go, guys." " You're kidding." "Nope." "Emerg got slammed." "O.R.s are backed up." "What can I tell you?" "The communication around here is horrendous." " So we're not doing my surgery today?" " No." "Tomorrow." " Tomorrow?" " Yep." "First thing." "Look, I want this freaking thing off now, man!" "It's a short wait, Shawn." "Yeah." "Yeah, it's -- it's all right, man." " So we're good for tomorrow?" " All good." "It's called Isla Holbox, off the coast near Cancun." "It's called Isla Holbox, off the coast near Cancun." "It's less touristy than Isla Mujeres, but " "Mm." "The isle of women." "Yeah, you're not going there anymore." " So, what does "holbox" mean?" " Black hole." "But trust me, it's gonna be beautiful, okay?" "It's gonna have white sandy beaches, and we're gonna pick up food at the market and cook it in our own little hut with a palapa roof." " What about Paris?" " I don't know." "I've never been to Paris." "I was always too busy working or going to school." "Okay, we're -- we're going." "I mean, unless you really don't want to, 'cause Black Hole Island sounds pretty romantic." "Oh, my God." "What?" "Charlie...we're getting married." "Mm." " Oh, she cannot be serious." " Go, go, go." "Dr. Lin, couldn't you get a CT?" "Uh, no, I couldn't, because of the radiation." "I'm pregnant." " I'm sorry, what's your name?" " Mitchell." "Mitchell, could you go get Angela a juice?" "They're in the little fridge down the hall." "Thank you." "Angela, when was your last period?" "Four or five months ago." "Are you sure you didn't know you were pregnant?" "'Cause here's what I think." "I think you kind of knew." "I didn't want him to dump me." "Okay." "I can understand that." "Just gonna check you, okay?" "Okay, you feel like you're 20 or so weeks pregnant." "Congratulations." "An ob-gyn will be able to check for sure." "Let's keep her overnight, put her on a fetal monitor." "Yeah." "And, Dr. Lin, try not to page me." "I'm going to get married." "Dr. Reid?" "Yes?" "You look beautiful." "Thank you." "Hey." "Wait." "Wait." "These shoes were expensive." " You good?" " Yup." " You good?" " Hop in." "All right." "My love." "Still not withdrawing from pain." "What do you think?" "If it's a venous bleed, it's -- it's okay, but if it's his meningeal artery, then he could cone." " Now, coning is when " " I know what coning is!" "When the pressure of his brain goes down to the spinal cord, the pressure essentially could -- could crush his brain." "And he could die." "I could die?" "What the hell does that even mean?" "Okay, this is weird." "We'll take it from here." "I'm coming with you." "You're not a neurosurgeon, Alex." "There's nothing you can do." "I'm not leaving him." "See, doctors like tests." "It's the unknown that scares them." "Yeah, this is exactly what I would do... see what's going on in my brain." "I can tell you what's going on in my mind." "And I wish I could hold you, Alex, and tell you that I'm gonna be okay." "But I can't." "And you know what?" "There's no test for this." "I am having an out-of-body experience in a tuxedo." "Wake up, you dumb bastard." "Anything?" "No change." "Everybody keeps telling me to..." "To go home?" "Yeah." "I can't." "Then don't." "Your family's here." "So, what am I supposed to do?" "Suit up." "Put your scrubs on, Dr. Reid." "Get to work." "He's bradycardic, and his pressure's up." "It is slightly." "But the CT showed a venous bleed, so unless something changes, we don't need to operate yet." "Do you want some time alone with him without me?" "No." "He's being looked after." "I can leave if you like." "It's fine." "Got to go." "Okay, hypothetical." "You're on an airplane going to Miami, but you land in Helsinki." "Hey." "And that's fine." " You can see me?" " Yeah." "Can you see me?" "Yeah." "'Cause I'm " " I'm talking to you." "Right." "What's going on?" "Um..." "I'm in a coma." " Am I in a coma?" " No, you -- you died." "We did everything we could." " Sorry about that." " It's not what I pictured." "Yep." "I know what you mean." "I haven't even seen my wife." "I don't think she's coming." " You have a wife?" " Yeah, and, uh, a daughter." "Yeah." "See, we had you declared a John Doe." "Couldn't find your wallet." "That's funny." "Uh..." "I like to gamble, so I, uh, I just take cash with me so I don't go over my limit." " Right." " I'm sorry, what's your name?" " Uh, Charlie." "Charles." " Charles, I got to be honest with you." "I-I don't think I'm coping all that well with things." "You know, maybe I should find this more intriguing -- being able to see everything." "It beats the void." "You know?" "Nothingness." "But, uh, I don't know about you..." "I'm lonely." "Yep." "I'm " " I'm getting there, John." "That's not my name." "I'm sorry." "What is your name?" "Almost done." "You paged me?" "Yeah, I'm sure I should be able to figure this out myself, but I am stymied as to why Tara here swallowed this." " Daffodil bulb?" " Yeah." "Highly toxic and causes convulsions and death." "Okay, I'm just gonna pull out the tube now, okay?" "Hey, Tara." "My name's Gavin Murphy." "I'm a psyche resident here at Hope-Z." "Do you mind if I ask you a couple questions?" "Sure." "You know the daffodil bulb was toxic when you ate it?" "Why would I have eaten it if I knew that?" "If you wanted to hurt yourself." "Why would I do that?" "Will you hand me my jacket?" " Are you cold?" " No." "There's a pizza bagel in there, and I'm hungry because I just got my stomach pumped." " I didn't try to kill myself, okay?" " You trying to get high?" "No." " You trying to lose weight?" " No." "Something all the kids are doing?" " No!" " Then what was it?" "It was a love potion." "I'm sorry?" " It was a love potion." " Can't hear you." "It was a love potion, all right?" "A love potion." "I drank it." "Then I gave some to this boy I like." "Now I want to die." "Aah!" " Who are you?" " Hey." "I'm Joel Goran." "I'll be performing your surgery." " Where's Dr. Harris?" " I'm afraid he's unavailable." "Today?" "Because I mean, I'll wait." "No, he can't do the surgery at all." "Um, but it's okay, because I'll be looking after all of his patients." "Look, I don't want a new doctor, okay?" "Unfortunately, you don't have a choice." "Kind of what you got." "But I'm good, so..." "Uh, Shawn, I've been looking over your stuff." "Has anybody spoken to you about limb-sparing surgery?" "Yeah " " Dr. Harris." "Why?" "I think maybe we should have another talk about it." "Limb-sparing surgery, it's exactly what it sounds like." "What we do is we make a wide incision, we cut out the belly of the muscle." "Then we use radiation and chemo, and we could maybe spare your arm that way." "I have a grade-lll fibrosarcoma." "I understand that." "I'm not making any promises here." "I just feel like if we can take a shot, we should probably take the shot, right?" " Shawn, what do you do for a living?" " Look, I work at a gas station, but tell me, are you here to sign my arm, or what?" "I don't know." "Are you postponing my surgery again?" "I don't know." "Ow!" " What's going on?" " Temp's 3 7.5." "B.P.'s 1 30 on 80." " I have to go to the bathroom." " Maggie, do you know what that is?" "A vagi" " A baby's head." "She's crowning." "I need an ob-gyn and N.I.C.U. stat." "And get that bed out of here." " A little help here." " Ow!" "All right, Angela, you're gonna have your baby now, all right?" "We're gonna do this together because we need to get this baby out." " I need you to push." " I don't know how to push." "Just take a breath and bear down when I tell you." "You just need to listen to your body." "Maggie, grab her foot and brace it." " I'm not ready for this!" " You are." "You are." "Come on, I know you can do this." "Push!" " Oh, that hurts!" " I know it hurts." "I know it hurts, but you need to push through the pain." "So take a nice deep breath." "Ready?" "And push." "Okay, I got one shoulder." "You're gonna need one more push." "You got one more push in you, Angela." "One more deep, giant push." "You want this baby." "Ohh!" "I want my baby!" "Ready?" "Push!" "Congratulations." "There you go." "You have a baby boy." "He's tiny, but he's breathing." "I can't believe it." "He's so beautiful." "This is ready." "This is ready." "Okay, we've got the blankets." "Okay, let's go." " Hey." " Hi." "You okay?" "Congratulations, Angela." "Born at 1 0:32." "Sorry, we have to take him away, sweetheart." "Yes, I understand that the deposit is nonrefundable, and I am absolutely willing to pay for the suite, okay?" "I just..." "I have to cancel the reservation for the weekend, and if you could do that for me, it would be great." "Thank you." "Ch" "Charlie." "I know that I should talk to you." "I'm sorry." "I know that I should." "Call the code!" "32-1 3!" "Code blue. 32-1 3." "Code blue. 32-1 3." "Code blue..." "Alex, hey!" " Is he full code?" " Yes." "Yes." "Still in V.F." " All right, let's shock him." " I got this." "I got this." "Hey, Alex." "Hey!" "No, you don't." "I got it." "Okay?" "Pull him five epi." "Come on!" "Come on!" " Let's get him down." "Get him down." " Five C's epi." "Clear." " All right, what's the rhythm?" " Still in V.F. Want to go again?" "Yes, I do. 200 joules." "Come on, Charlie!" "Come on, Charlie!" " Listen to my voice!" "Come on, baby!" " Clear!" "Come back to me!" "He's returning to normal sinus rhythm." "His ICP's through the roof." "He needs a craniotomy stat." "Could we get Dr. -- What is his name?" "Hamza." "Go get Dr. Hamza." "We have to reduce the pressure on his brain, or he's gonna die." "In case you're wondering, during a craniotomy, they drill holes in your head." "And that's about it." "I've seen this a hundred times." "I'm fine, Shahir." "See, most patients don't understand how physical surgery is." "The body is tough." "You got to crack a few bones, poke a few holes, and really get in there." "And it works...most of the time." "It's not making you nervous, my being here." "I don't get nervous." "You called for a consult?" "This is Mischa, 1 6, with acute abdominal pain." "Not appendicitis." "No allergies." "Stuart here thinks it might be a suicide attempt." "Mm-hmm." "Daffodil root poisoning." "Really?" "You mean he ate a daffodil?" "The root, actually." "I've never even heard of that." "How do you know that?" "She's the best." "Finish pumping his stomach, and I'll meet you in cubicle three." "What's in cubicle three?" "I..." "Hey, man." "You reschedule my surgery?" " We good to rock 'n' roll?" " Yep." "Yeah." "Great." "But I have a couple of questions I want to ask you first, though." "You didn't tell me you were in Afghanistan." "It's none of your business, Doc." "Well, I Googled you." "Turns out you're kind of a hero, you know." "You saved a bunch of guys' lives in an ambush, and you have an engineering degree." "So?" "You told me you work at a gas station." "You might have post-traumatic stress." "Watched a bunch of people get blown up for no reason." "I probably do." "I think it's also possible you have survivor guilt." "Anyone who doesn't die over there has survivor guilt." "I think you want this arm off 'cause it's gonna make you feel like this is...fair." "Have you thought about talking to a psychiatrist?" "Did that, man, at the V.A. hospital." "They gave me five different kinds of pills, and then they found my cancer." "Look, I'm here because Charlie Harris is supposed to be a great surgeon, okay?" "Now you got me talking to shrinks again?" "I just want my tumor dealt with, man." "That's it." "I think it's more than that." "So what, man?" "What if we did get to know our patients?" "What makes them happy... or sad." "Would it help us?" "Would it help them?" "Hey." "Hey, how you feeling?" "So sleepy." "Well, do you need anything?" "No." "But... kind of been thinking about the baby." "We should probably get it some diapers or clothes and stuff." "Maybe I can go down to the gift shop, get him a little bear or something." "He's too little for toys." "Mitchell?" "Do you love me?" "Angela?" "What's going on?" "Angela, are you okay?" "Angela!" "Nurse!" "Code blue. 2 7-38." "Code blue. 2 7-38." "Code blue. 2 7..." "Mitchell." "I don't understand." "She can't be dead." "She had what's called a pulmonary embolism." "There were massive blood clots that went into her lungs." "We did everything we could do." "I was just talking to her." "Fifteen minutes ago, she said she was sleepy." "I am so, so sorry, Mitchell." "I know this is terrible timing, but... we do need to talk about your son." "Someone has to make decisions for him." "Can't you ask her parents?" "You're the father." "Look, I know right now it just seems like some baby... but it's your baby." "And...it just needs time." "Babies go from unknowable to... to cute to...miraculous." "It builds." "And next thing you know, you'll be teaching him how to ride a bike, and...it'll be the best day of your life." "Do you have kids?" "No." "Can I put him up for adoption?" "I can put you in touch with a social worker." "Okay." "But you don't have to make that decision now." " You have time." " I don't need time." " Mitchell." " This baby killed Angela." "I don't want it." "When things go bad... we say we did all we could... and then there's nothing more to say." "You're alone." "Paging EMT to the E.R. nurse's station." " Dr. Reid?" " Yeah." "Dr. Reid, hey, um," "I was at the accident yesterday with you and Dr. Harris." "Oh." "Right." "Well, you guys did a good job." "Thanks." "Um... we found this when we were cleaning out the rig." "Thanks." "Take care, okay?" "Yeah." "Charlie is, uh, stable after the craniotomy." "Relieved the pressure and his, uh, his vitals are all right." "Good." "Do you know where his parents live?" "No, they're both dead." "Brothers or sisters?" "No." "Then we need to talk about how far you want us to go." "We had to resuscitate him." "This may be the first of many interventions." "Oh." "We're having the talk." " Alex " " No." "I know what this is." "We don't have to do this." "We do." "Charlie is in a coma." "We need to consider the quality of life as well as quantity." "You want me to tell you whether I want to resuscitate him" " if he codes again?" " Yes." " I can't do that." " You have to." "Come in." "You need something?" "About to ask you the same question." " How you doing?" " I do better when I'm busy." "What are you..." "Medic dropped it off." "You know, I only ever tried it on once." "Charlie and I picked it out together." " It's gonna be okay." " You seriously believe that?" "Yeah." "Shahir asked me about a DNR." "That's a hard call." "Do I really want to put him through all the crap of a series of interventions, cracking his ribs, filling his body with drugs, every indignity, when he's just gonna die anyway?" " Charlie's not gonna die." " Come on, Joel, he is." "He has some brain function, maybe." "The rest is just machines." " No, you don't know that." " Yes, I do and so do you." "No, I don't." "I mean, look at Shawn Price." "You know, I can either cut that kid's arm off or I can try and save it." "So, I don't know, why don't I try the option of thinking," ""You're not screwed"?" "You don't get to come in here and pretend you're the only doctor who cares about patients." "Okay, where the hell did that come from?" "Charlie is twice the surgeon you will ever be!" "Amputate the arm." "That's what he was gonna do." " I'm not Charlie." " No kidding!" "This is life and death." "You have to be aggressive." "Okay, when did this become about you telling me how to do my job?" "When you came in here and started soft-pedaling me like I don't know the facts." "You know what?" "I came in here because I was trying to be nice to you." "Well, don't be nice." "'Cause you're a lot of things, Joel..." "but you're not nice." "Dr. Goran?" " Yeah?" " Hi." " Hey." " Gavin Murphy." " Hey." " I'm a psych resident here." "I caught the consult with Shawn Price." "Ah, right." " He has PTSD." " Yeah." "So, obviously, I don't think he's in any shape to be making decisions on amputation." "Well, we're gonna go ahead with the surgery." "Thank you." "Okay, uh, with all due respect, he's got a lot of issues tied up in that arm." "Let me ask you something, man." "Do you think being a doctor automatically makes you smarter than the patient?" " Depends who you're talking to." " Oh, you're talking to me." "Look, this kid wants his arm off." "I don't think he's entirely wrong." "As surgeons, we deal in absolutes, in certainty." "We make a choice." "We believe it's right." "We can't second-guess ourselves." "Cutting." "Expect some blood." "At least, that's what I used to think." " Oh, God." "Get out." " How you feeling, Shawn?" "What do you think?" "You didn't do my surgery." " I changed my mind." " No, you can't do that." "You didn't do what I wanted." "I performed a limb-sparing surgery, all right?" "We've removed the tumor." "It's much better, believe me." "I signed a consent." "Look, in all truth, I got in there, I just could not do it." "I can't watch you punish yourself for surviving a war, Shawn." "You don't know anything about me." "You haven't seen the stuff that I've seen, and you -- you haven't walked where I've walked." "Maybe not, but I've seen a lot of death in my time." "Oh, yeah?" "You have anyone die for you lately?" "No." "Look..." "Shawn, I was gonna perform the amputation 'cause that's what Dr. Harris was gonna do." "I felt guilty about that, you know?" "I felt a sense of duty." "I think it's what you felt towards your fallen comrades." "Live your life." "I'm gonna sue you." "You'll probably win." "I've walked these halls a thousand times." "I thought I knew them." "We all end up here." "We come in sick or broken... and sometimes we get better." "You gonna come in with me?" "Yeah." "Of course." "You sure it won't hurt him?" "Yeah." "It's good for him to be touched." "Okay, I'm just gonna try this and see how it goes." "Okay." "You can get into bed with him." " I'll mess up his lines." " No, you won't." "I'll be here just in case." "All right." "No." "You okay?" "Would you j-- Would you just go?" "I had a bad day." "I lost a patient, and -- and... normally I would...tell you about it." "And I would " " I would, um, ask you to help me figure out..." "how to fix it, you know, where it went wrong." "And I " " I would..." "Charlie." "Charlie, what am I gonna do without you?" "* As I lay me down to sleep *" "* I pray *" "Don't you give up on me." "I'm still here." "* And I know *" "* Living right *" "* It isn't in the lying' *" "* But I could live *" "* With trying' *" "* I could live *" "* With cryin' *" "* I could live *" "* With dying' *" "* Tonight *"