"(Choir, dramaticaly) # Praise!" "# Praise!" "Right, I have a full explanation!" "Father Damien, Father Frost, I was about to tell everybody" " why I stole the whistle." " No, Father." "I've been dying to confess ever since I stole it." " Ted." " Shh, Dougal." "15 years ago, I met a boy, an orphan." "Both his parents had been killed in a bizarre accident involving trees." "That's it - a tree fell on them." "They were both crushed." "This young man had nothing but a dream." " Ted." " That dream was to own a stable with prize-winning horses in every..." "bit of the stable." "But he got a disease and could ony communicate by raising his eyebrows - once for yes, twice for no." ""If ony I had a whistle," ""so I could train my horses to win the Grand National," he thought." "That same boy wrote to me just five weeks ago..." " Father Damien took the whistle." " Great, that's sorted." "See you!" "So the babysitter gets pregnant!" "Does he stay with the wife, the sister or go off with the babysitter?" "When's his next confession?" "Tuesday." "I'll keep you posted." "Dougal, look." "Ohhh!" "Ohhh!" "(With accent) I am Chinese, if you please." "Come on, Dougal, lighten up!" "(Silence)" "He sounded a lot better on last year's show." " Once he's on stage, he's fine." " You've known him a long time?" "Yes, we've been partners for 10 years." "Oh, you run the company together?" "No, no." "He's my lover." "(Silence)" "He..." "He-He's quite a catch!" "(Silence)" "This is my partner, Father Dougal..." "Not my sexual partner!" "I mean my partner that I do the song with." " I guessed that." " Of course." "Not that anything's wrong with that type of, um, thing." "I thought the Church thought that was inherenty wrong." "Yes, it does." "The whole gay thing, I suppose it's a bit of a puzzle to us all." "It must be fun, though." "Not the..." "Not the "you know" but the nightclubs and the whole rough and tumble of homosexual activity." "Having boyfriends when you're a man." "Don't mind the Church, it used to think the earth was flat." "Sometimes the Pope says things he doesn't realy mean." "We all get things wrong, even the Pope." "I know what's going on, Pat Mustard." "There are some very hairy babies on Craggy Island and you are the hairy baby maker!" "Oh, yeah?" "Well, I think you would need proof if you're gonna make that sort of an accusation." "And I'm a very careful man, Father, a very careful man!" "Except when it comes to taking precautions." "You wouldn't be advising the use of artificial contraception, would you?" "Yes, I..." "No, I..." "If you're going to be..." "Of course, you-you..." "Just feck off!"