"I remember driving there." "Um... she looked... great." "She was, uh, wearing this dress." "She got all dressed up for dinner." "Um, plus the-the light, you know, from sunset." "And, u and, uh... so we started to talk." "Blah blah this, blah blah that." "Next thing you know, she's, uh, she's pissed at me." "Um, I should mention here, um..." "I've, uh..." "I have a drinking problem, and, um, sometimes it's happened before with her." "I, uh..." "I've had blackouts and she's had to... piece the night back together for me." "So, that particular night I was drinking seltzer and she was drinking white wine, and after the conversation went south, she said she wanted to go inside and watch this television show about weasels-meerkats." "Meerkat manor." "So we went inside and next thing you know, we're watching this show and the narrator is- he gives the meerkats' names." "So there's this meerkat named shakespeare and he gets bit by a scorpion, and there's some question about whether or not he's going to make it back to the home... base, you know, the place wher where the rest of the meerkat tribe is and they¡ª" "I was really worried about the guy- shakespeare." "He's-he was looking-he was looking pretty bad." "And, uh... next thing I know, I'm laying in the sand and-and, uh..." "I can hear people screaming and... and..." "This doesn't add up, mr." "Gavin." " I'm sorry?" " Your story." "According to the facts we have in front of us, there were signs of an accelerant." "I don't know anything about... an accelerant." "You co-signed a fire insurance policy on the house and a life insurance policy on mrs." "Keefe 2 weeks before the fire." "No, I didn'T." "Mr. Gavin, please." "I'm telling you, I think I would remember" "You don't remember starting the fire." "How the hell can we expect you to remember signing the goddamn policies?" "I didn't start the fire, ok?" "Listen to me." "We know." "You're a dru a very convenient drinking problem." "It's a disease, ok?" "So is cancer." "Do you want to blame cancer blame cancer for the fire?" "Tell the truth, mr." "Gavin." " I'm telling the truth." " No, you're not." " Yes, I am." "I am telling" " No, you're not." "I'm telling the truth, ok?" "We were inside." "I was on the couch." "She was in the easy chair." "We were watching the meerkats, ok?" "Look at you." "Shh..." "You got him?" "I got him." "Go back to sleep." "I'm trying to get him to go to sleep." "Do you have any idea what time it is?" " 3:00 A.M." " It is?" " Jesus christ." " 3:16, to be exact." "And I told you 12:00, and I meant midnight, not noontime." "What" "We couldn't get out the club 'cause this group of guys, they were such assholes to tony, ok?" "And then there was this group of girls." "Oh, my god, this one chick- she had this weird tattoo on her arm and, god, she was such a bitch." "She wanted tony to sign her tit." "Ew!" "And anyways, then we stopped for a burger." "Then he had to stop and get gas, so then" "Wait, wait, wait." "He's a he?" "Who?" "Tony." "Yeah, he's my boyfriend." "Whatever happened to wh- what's her name?" "Linda." "Lorraine?" "Yeah, whatever." "Dad, that was so 6 months ago, ok?" "I'm through with girls." "Girls are crazy." "It was a phase I was going through." "Oh, your grandmother thought that, you know, me and your... mom were just a phase, and look at us." "Huh?" "Not now." "I mean, you know-and let me tell you something." "Girls might be crazy, but girls are crazy all the time." "They're dependable." "Guys are, you know-guys are just- I mean, what's this guy doing signing-you know..." " Tits?" " Breasts." " Boobs." " Whatever." "He's a musician." "Are you-are you- that you" "All right, that's just... wait-what instrument does he play?" "He's the lead singer." "He's not a musician, ok?" "The 4 guys up on stage with hi are the musicians." "Lead singer... jesus christ, those are the guys who wear all the make-up and do all the drugs and sleep with all the chicks." "How old's this guy?" "26." "Jesus christ, 26-year-old- do you know how old that is in rock and roll years?" "He's like 70, ok?" "He's like the clint eastwood of rock and roll." "Is that a hickey on your neck?" "Are-are you having... sex with this guy?" "That's none of your business, dad." "Which is-I'll take as a- a yes, ok?" "Hang on there, missy." "I have to go to the bathroom." "Let me tell you something." "You're not fooling anybody." "Yeah." "Yeah, oh, yeah." "I smelled the pot when you walked in, ok?" "Yeah." "And I can smell the sex." "Pot and sex-I can smell them both." "Yeah." "Ok, dad." "Ok." "Reality check time, ok?" " Yes, I have sex." " Shh." "Yeah, you heard me¡ª" "I just had sex, with tony, in his car, right after I smoked a big fat joint." "Very funny." "Ve-what?" "Jesus!" "Oh, yeah." "The pot made me forget." "I also drink now." "Tonight I had vodka, beer, and peppermint schnapps." "A lot of peppermint schnapps." "Hey!" "Hey!" "I am telling your mother." "Earth to dad." "She already knows." "Yeah, hey, hey." "Get up." "Get up." "Not now, tommy." "This is a bad idea." "Sex always leads" "No, no, no, no, no." "That's not it." "Colleen is smoking pot." "I know." "You know?" "What do you mean, you know?" "Yeah, and it's good pot, too, not the cheap shit we used to get." "Great, great." "That's-that's a great attitude." "You know, I told you years ago, pot's a gateway drug." "So tonight she comes home, not only is she high, she's drunk." " What" " Drunk, yeah." "Shit-faced." "Puked-yeah." "Was she driving?" "No, I think her 50-year-old boyfriend was handling the driving responsibilities." "Uh, he's 26." "And that's good." "That's good." "Why is that good?" "Because he doesn't drink." "Ok, but I'm pretty sure that she's banging this guy." "Yeah." "I know." "Look, she's on the pill." "You put her on the pill?" "Is that-insane." "To-I mean, you got the whole toolbox going." "Booze, penises." "I mean, I can't believe that I'm finally the moral compass in this family." "Yeah, well." "You're an enabler, that's what you are." "Yeah, yeah." "Shh." "When were you planning on telling me about this?" "Well, I was going to drop the sex bomb on you a while ago, but then this whole platonic living arrangement thing has been going so well." "Yeah." "You know, and then you always take the word "sex" as an invitation, so I didn't want to risk it." "And as for the pot and booze, well, check her birth certificate." "The last name's gavin." "Good night." "S- so that wasn't an invitation?" "Oh, my god, get out of here." "Daddy?" "What's a sex bomb?" "Oh, honey, that's, um- tommy?" "It's nothing, honey." "It's a, uh-it's nothing." "Are you going to go to jail, dad?" "No, who said I'm going to jail?" "Well, mom, cousin eddie, father o'brien, all the kids at school." "I'm not-never mind father o'brien, ok?" "I'm not going to jail." "Smells like christmas out here." "That's not christmas, honey." "Oh." "Happy holidays." "Holy people, that on earth do dwell, sing to the Cheerful voice, lifts up with him his graceful sound, come kneel before him..." "Saber... saber... die, wizard!" "Die, die!" "Yeah!" "Shh." "Sorry." "I won." "Yeah." "Hey, you Hey, you won what?" "What is that, the, uh, the conquest trethfellon?" "I reached level 60." "I need to find a new game now." "Yeah, but wait a second." "That's not possible, rich." "That's the conquest trethfellon, right?" "It's the most intricate, difficult" "I kicked its ass!" "It took garrity 8 months to reach level 5." "You just beat the whole game in- 4 hours, 9 minutes-nigger!" "When are you going to marry my sister?" "'Scuse me?" "When are you going to marry her?" "Uh, we hadn't really" " I mean, you know, there's been a little conversation, but nothing, uh-oh, I get it." "You're, uh-you're worried that your sister and I are going to hook up and that you'll get left behind or sent off on your own." "Is that it, rich?" "Nigger!" "No, asshole." "I want her married so I can get on with my life." "Yeah, what life?" "My life!" "Ok, franco?" "Ok." "But I mean, you know, come on, let's be real." "You take classes at the center, you bag groceries at the food emporium like 3 days a week, and you sit around this apartment beating video games in record time." "I mean, other than that" "I want to get laid, franco." "How am I supposed to do that with my sister hanging around?" "I'm horny." "Nigger!" "You do realize in order to get laid you got to have a girl, right?" "I got a girl." "Really?" "I'm going to smack your face." "What?" "I got a girl." "Her name is barbara." "I met her at the center." "What, does she work there or is she one of the, uh, you know, your-your people" "Retards." "Yeah." "She has down syndrome." "She's partially deaf." "She's in a wheelchair." "But she's got the sweetest ass." "Yeah, but if she's in a wheelchair, how can you see it?" "They stand her up sometimes." "Uh-huh." "Um, listen, natalie and I, we got no plans as far as marriage is concerned right now." "Ok, as soon as that changes, rich, I'll let you know." "Make it fast." "I'm dying here." "Yeah?" "It's dr." "Brown." "I'm sorry-who?" "Dr. Brown." "Jeff, is that you?" "Jesus christ, eddie, you trying to get me shit-canned?" "Sorry, sorry, sorry." "I forgot." "I got the test results." "And?" "Dead on." "Oh, shit." "Are you sure?" "Yep." "All even." "This is wrong." "I think that's enough." "Ok." "Oh, yeah, that's rough." "Oh, god." "Oh, god." "Oh, god!" "Oh, yeah, that's it, that's it, that's it." "Just keep on saying that, 'cause if we get caught" "I can always say that there was prayer involved." "Yeah." "Oh, yeah." "No, I can't, I can'T." "I can'T." "Theresa, I can't do this." " I'm sorry." " What?" "Just stop it, ok?" "I was raised a catholic, for god sakes." "So I was a nun." "Oh, god." "Shit!" "Ow!" "Uh, hi." "Um, sorry." "Just, um... making sure the organ was ok." "It's, uh, it's fine." "Bless you all." "Hey, hi, maggie." "Are you going somewhere?" "I just-I was- I was going to take a walk down to the you know?" "Maybe get a-a muffin." "Muffin face." "Is that-is that the big box of porn?" "Uh... oh, this box?" "Yeah, this-this- this might have some porn in it, yeah." "Yeah." "You're throwing away the porn?" "Ok, look, maggie, a lot of wives, they would thrilled if their husbands were throwing away the porn." "They would see it as a-as a mature and committed act, and-and I think you should see this as a real positive thing." "You know, that's all fine and good, sean." "Only it's my porn." "Ok, well, you don't need it anymore, right?" "'Cause you got me." "Ha ha ha-put the box down." "Come on, maggie, I just want to be married for 2 seconds without the" "No, now!" " You see this box?" " Yeah." "This box is your friend." "It might even be your best friend." "Because it's the only thing breathing any life into our relationship at this point." "Maggie, we've been married 9 months." "Wh-what are you talking about, breathing life into the relationship?" "Everyone needs breath." "Everyone needs a spark, sean!" "Ok, and the spark is by watching some chick get double-teamed by guys with cocks the size of telephone poles?" "See, now you understand" "No, I don't!" "I don't understand, maggie." "I don't think you understand, either, that I might have a problem with this." "That this might make me feel, you know-inferior." " Oh, but sean, you have nothing to feel inferior about." " Really?" "Well, except for the fact that your cock isn't as big as a tele a telephone pole, but that's" "That's-ok, I'm going to work." "You know what?" "Enjoy your porn." "Sean!" "You don't want your cock to be that big." "Your life would be terrible." "You would not be able to buy pants." "Yeah?" "How's my favorite health nut doing?" "Hey, lost 5 more pounds." "Wow!" "What's that, 30 total?" "35." "I go in for my stress test in a couple of days and back to full duty." "That's great, pop." "Hey, uh, how you doing, kid?" "I'm engaged." "What?" "You're kidding." "Nope." "Who's the lucky girl?" "Steven." "My boyfriend." "You actually thought it was a woman?" "No, no, no, no, no." "I mean, that's-that's-that's really great." "Great." "Is it legal?" "In massachusetts, yeah." "But, listen, it's not like a regular wedding service." "It's a commitment ceremony." "We exchange vows in front of friends and family, and I-I'd like you to... sort of be my best man." "Make a little speech." "Dad, you there?" "Yeah, uh, pete, sure I will." "I, uh." "I, uh... there's nothing that would make me happier than to do that for you." "Bullshit." "You got me there, but, uh..." "I'll be there, and I'll be there with bells on." "That's great." "Thanks, dad." "Yeah, sur to kiss the bride, do I?" "Not on my lips." "Gotcha!" "I'll talk to you later, pop." " Is that oprah?" " No." "Yeah, you, uh- well, I was trying to get sportscenter, b everywhere." "This is crazy." "It still smells like puke in here." "Well, I-I used the glade." "Well, did you use the suddenly spring or the delicate petals?" "I" " I-honey, we got bigger problems than the puke, ok?" "Colleen-sex with the boyfriend in front of the house last night, in the car." "How about that?" "Neighbors could've seen it, you know?" " What?" " So did we." "Honey, she's a kid." "She just turned 18." "I mean it's, you know" "You got me pregnant when I was 17." " Ok, that was" " In your truck, while we were drinking, and on quaaludes." "It was the seventies, ok?" "Freddy fender, pet rocks." "What did the super say?" "He's working on it." "He's, uh..." "All right, you ready?" " Ok." " Ok." "Ready?" "Ready ready." " Wow." " Shh, shh, shh." " Nice." " Shh, shh, shh... oh..." "Tom Tommy, you jinxed it." "I didn't jinx it." "He just- he had-he drank his bottle too fast." "rub his back a little bit." "Oh, tommy, I know how to take care of kids." " I'm not telling you" " I had 3 kids, you know?" " I know." " I breastfed." "I bathed them, I diapered them." " I was just" " This baby hates me." "He doesn't hate you." "He needs to have his back rubbed, ok?" "Just take him." "I just gave him to you." "Honey, give him a couple more seconds." "Take him." "Tommy..." "Look, don'T... dwell on it, ok?" "It's just-you know." "This baby hates me." "He-honey, he's a baby." "He doesn't even know what hate is." "He's a gavin." "He was born to hate." "You know, come to think of it, I think he's all gavin." "Half johnny, half you." "Ok, you know what?" "This-if he was half johnny, he'd-he'd hate me, and he doesn'T." "He loves me-look." "Well, he still kind of looks like me, right?" "I mean, he's got the blond peach fuzz coming in." "Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything." "In a couple of months, he could end up with a full head of jet black hair." "I got to go." "No, tommy, tommy, please don't go." "Honey, I got to go to work, ok?" "Well, then we got to hire some help, because I am losing my mind here." "We went over this a million times, ok?" "I- you know, I can't work any extra jobs right now because of the kids, so we don't have money to" "No, I'm going to get a job." " Did you just say that you're going to" " Yeah." "I'll get a job." "I have friends who can sit for me." "What are you going to-what are you going to do?" "Real estate." " Well" " Like they-like you" " I'm good in sales." "You-what?" "You're good at" "Ok, tommy, what if you end up in jail and the F.D.N.Y. Cancels your pension?" "I'm not going to jail, ok?" "Tell you what, while you're out selling property, take little no-name with you and maybe he can sell some little tiny little properties" "Thank you, dr." "Laura." "I wonder if it's unhealthy to maintain a relationship with someone who's dead?" "Well, it's kind of one-sided." " Yeah, but it's" " It's one-sided and  well, you can't call it a relationship." " Why not?" "I can't" "Yeah?" "Hey." "Hey, was that-was that dr." "Laura?" "Yeah, my radio froze." "Dumb car, heater's not working." "What's going on?" "What's going on with teddy?" "Uh, giving the case to the jury within the week." "Looks good for him." "For you?" "Not so much." "Hey, tom, I heard from my guy inside the insurance company..." " Yeah, and?" " It's definitely your signature on both policies." " Life and fire." " Ok, I never signed anything." " Yeah, well, someone did." " Well, it wasn't me." "Jesus christ, tom, you have got to pull your act together, you know?" "Every time you go in there, you give them a different story, which at this point is making things look very, very suspicious." "Well, I-I can't remember everything, eddie." "All right?" "Yeah, well, being a drunken fool is just not going to fly." " You know?" "Tom, make something up." " So you want me to lie?" "Yes, through your goddamn teeth, I want you to lie." " Well-I can't do that." " You-you" "What's so funny?" "You can't lie?" "L- look, I can lie to, you know, my wife, my kids, the guys at work, you know?" "The guys at headquarters-cops." "Yeah, I can do that kind of lying." "That's like aaa ball, you know what I mean?" "But these-these are lawyers." "This is, you know-this is major league pitching here." "These guys, you know-I'm good, but I'm not that good." "Listen to me." "We have got one more shot at this, tom, day after tomorrow." "All right?" "Now you come up with a story that makes plausible sense, practical sense." "Oh, and wear a dress shirt, for christ sakes, with a jacket." "Asshole." "...Difficult one to explain." "Her dad was married" "Jesus..." " hey." " Hey." "Hey." "What's going on?" "Freezing our balls off." "The heat's out." "Thank god for propane, you know?" "Uh, fredo, you mentioned just a second ago, uh, propane." "Interesting fun fact-did you know that propane is both a liquid and a gas?" "At atmospheric pressure and temperatures above -44 fahrenheit, it's a non-toxic, odorless, colorless gas, and like natural gas, it has an identifying odor added to it so it can be detected readily." "Yeah, you" "You know, I still don't know what you guys like to talk about." "Pussy." "That's always a good choice." "Hey, this just in, chief." "The power's out." "Ah, jeez, when it rains, it pours." "We're on Emergency Power now, so if you want to read or you want to take a shit or you want to do both at the same time, you better take one of these." "Jesus, tommy, you look like shit." "I was up and down with the baby most of the night, ok, so" " Oh, you know, you just missed your girlfriend" " Not my girlfriend, ok?" "Second of all-barely a firefighter, ok?" "Volley." "Goddamn volley." "Yeah, volley or no volley, she pulled your ass out of a fire, bro." "That alone, you owe her dinner, right?" "Ok, I'm going to take her to dinner, ok?" " What's the big thing?" "I mean" " There's no big thing." "She lifted you up off a hot melting floor, she slung you over her shoulder," " she carried you outside- - allegedly." "Like you yourself have done a million times." "Yeah, not to mention she probably slipped you a little tongue when she was giving you mouth-to-mouth." "Right?" "Just like you yourself have done at least, you know" "Once." "Ok?" "Did it once." "Twice." " 2 times, that was it." " Hey, you know what?" "This is really weird about this." "Like the whole chick-saving-you thing, it's like a role reversal thing, you know?" "It's like lois lane saving superman." "My hoops are here." "Guys, help my cousin unload this." "Will you get mikey, please?" " What?" "What?" "What hoops?" " Oh, basketball hoops." "Yeah, I got 2 brand-new backboards, N.B.A. Style." "I got floor paint, I got a brand-new box of balls, the whole 9 yards." " For what?" " For the b-ball court we're putting in the basement." " Hey!" "B-ball- - what?" "Vito, how's it going?" "3 hours on the goddamn B.Q.E." "And cold goddamn coffee, that's how it's going." "Ok, I thought we were putting a street hockey court in-in the basement." " Nope." "Nixed-new york nixed." " Since when?" "Uh, since last night." "Listen, I got a couple guys helping." "We're going to help you unload all this crap, ok?" "What do you mean, since last night?" "I don't" "We-we took a vote, ok?" "By email." "You can't-I don't do email." "You can't take a vote by email." "What smells like puke?" "You're a regular riot." "Can I talk to you over here?" " Funny guy, my cousin." " Yeah, he's very funny." "So you guys took a vote and I'm not included?" "What's that about?" "Look, we-the crew decided that matters concerning the future of this house should be voted on by guys who are actually going to be here in the future." " Ok, what?" "Huh?" " Yeah, well, you know, the word on the street is you're going to jail." "Ok, I don't know what street that is, but that's the wrong street," " 'cause I'm not going to jail." " I'm just saying" " Well, that's now what I hear." " Jesus." "I got a friend down at H.Q." "He says they're this close to getting rid of you." " Wh-what's your friend's name?" " Kenny o'connell." " Maybe he could help me out." " Nah, hates your guts." " Why?" " Well, he says at some christmas party a couple of years ago," " he was passed out" " Shaved his eyebrows, yeah, yeah, yeah." " That kenny o'connell, ok." "Well" " They never grew back." " Really?" " Yeah." " That's a shame." " Yeah." "Well, you know, I can give him a call." "It's better than seeing him in person." "It's just... all forehead." " Hey" " Stay away from my balls." "Did we or did we not have the worst firehouse basketball team in the history of firehouse basket basketball before 9/11, am I not wrong?" "Yes-no, no, you're right." "It's true, but that was back when all we had to offer was franco and nels and those 8 spastic giants from the engine, ok?" " Yeah." "What do you have to offer" " Listen, my spies are telling me that coming through the probie class right now is a black kid, afro-american, as kramer might say, who is so goddamn good as an outside shooter, people are calling him the next jackie ryan." " Jackie ryan-the jackie ryan?" " Yes, the jackie ryan." "And I'm making a play to get him assigned to this house, and if that happens, ok, you will notice a widening suspicious stain on the front of my person." "Do not be alarmed." "Just know that I'm very happy and go about your business." "Uh, mikey's laying down in the bunkroom." " So wake him up." " Yeah, I tried." " And?" " I mean, I think he's" "I think he's dead." "Look at him." "He looks so peaceful." "That's because he's an idiot." "It's his look." "In a fire, after a fire, on his way home from a fire, awake, asleep, it's always the same look." "You check his pulse?" " I didn't-should I?" " No, see-that's your look." " He's peaceful, you're befuddled." " Get out of the way." " Uh, excuse me?" "Befuddled?" " Confused." "You know, I'm really pissed off about this basketball thing." "Excuse me, I know what befuddled means, thanks." "Yeah, it's because tommy just told you it means "confused, "asshole." "No, it's not." "I know because I just know, all right, jerk?" "Yeah, yeah, he's alive." "Hey, mikey." " Hey, hey!" " Mike, wake up, buddy." "You allright?" "Oh, thank god." "Hey." "Oh, hey, guys." "Wow." "How long was I out for?" "How the hell do we know?" "What time did you get here?" " I don't know." "I had a colon-scopy this morning" " Colonoscopy." "Oh, and they give you drugs and stuff." "Yeah, I guess shoving a 5-foot long camera up your ass falls into the "and stuff" category." "Well, my mom's been sick lately and there's a history of colon cancer in my family, so I thought I'd play it safe and check out the situation and stuff." "Yeah, you know, you say "and stuff" one more time, I'm going to shove my flashlight up your ass." "Yeah, that'd be the second time today." "Hey, did you vote "ye this basketball court thing?" " You looked stressed out, tommy." " Yeah, a little stressed out." "The basketball thing, haven't had sex or a smoke in 9 months, and I just found out everybody I know pretty much thinks I'm going to jail, so, you know, yeah-stressed?" "Yeah, little bit." " Well, hey, look at the bright side." " Which is what?" "When you're in jail, there's probably going to be a lot of black guys, and they're probably going to play a lot of hoops." " So?" " So when you get out, you'll be a lot better." "Or good, at least." " See, that's his look." " What is it, angry?" " Murderous." " You're not getting that basketball court." "Yeah, what're you going to do, shiv me?" " So are you a, uh-you're a cat lover?" " I am, yeah." " You have cats at home?" " I do." "I have 4." "Oh, great, we-we have a bunch of cats trapped on the second or third floor." "Yeah, I heard them meowing and I went up there, but they're trapped up under this loft and they won't come down." " Poor things, they got to be frozen solid." " Yeah, well, cat-sicles." "My favorite treat." "All right, lads." "Let's leave the tanks and bring the catnip." " Garrity, g-give him a hand." " Yeah." " Was it wrong that I called?" " Uh, no, no." "Trapped cats." "You know, one man's blessing is another man's 911 call." "Goddamn cats." "How come it's never anything worthwhile trapped inside a building, like gold ingots." "Musket and ingots within 5 minutes." "Sounds like someone's been playing scrabble with rain man again." "He had a lot of ts." " You're voting for that hockey rink." " What are you talking about?" "You're voting for that hockey rink, or I'm buying maggie more porn, yeah." " How did you know about that?" " Big black cocks, oh, yeah." "I know about it-her favorite genre." "Yeah, you're voting for that rink." "Now, you see, this is a wonderful apartment if you were a young couple with kids." "You have, uh, nice-lots of room, you have a beautiful draft morning, noon, and night, and there's no view, which, in this neighborhood, is a huge selling point." "You know, I can smell the cats." "I just can't see them." "Well, you know what, if they smell like puke, it's you, tom." " Hey, where are these cats?" " What are you asking me for?" "Come on, franco, the one time we actually need you to find pussy..." " Holy christ, what's this?" " Everybody all right?" " You all right, big guy?" " Whoa!" "Mikey, you all right?" " God, man!" " Whoa!" "All right!" "*Remember... *when you held my hand" "*say remember... *when you were my man" "*walk, talk, *in the name of love," "*before you break my heart, *think it over," "*roll it over in your mind" "*why don't you dance with me?" "*I'm not no limburger" "*why don't you dance with me?" "*I'm not no limburger" "*oh, yes, sir, *why don't you dance with me?" "*I'm not no limburger" "Get him up, get him away from the building." "Come on, tommy, we got to get out of here." "Come on, buddy." "Shit!" "What the hell happened?" "Well, the floor went and took part of the exterior wall with it." "We slid right out of the side of the goddamn building." "Yeah, thank god for all these stuffed animals, man." "We'd have been dead." " What's with him?" " Oh, he took a 2x4 to the balls when he landed" "First a colonoscopy, and then a 2x4." "Busy day for this kid's taint." "Incoming!" "Jesus christ." "Well, at least we saved some of these cats, you know?" "I got one." "How many did we get altogether you think?" "Wait a second, where'd he go?" " Yeah, tommy's got one." " Well, that's 2." "That's pretty good." "Well, you know, one's good." "One's good." " Man, hey." "I think the power's back, guys." " Oh, nice-heat!" "Very nice." " Hey, boys, how's it going?" " Hey, hey, hey!" "Yeah." "Had a buddy of mine owed me a favor over at con ed." "Had him come and rehook the whole neighborhood grid up." "Another guy I know came and kick-startd the boiler downstairs." "Tom, your wife called." "I sent that same guy over to your building," " and the heat's up and running there good, too." " Nice." " You want some coffee, boys?" " Yeah." "There's a fresh pot in there with some hot pizza in the kitchen." " All right!" "Thanks, chief." " Chief is back." " Good man." " All right." " Looking good, chief." " Thanks." " Hey, jerry." " Yeah, chief?" "Uh, I had a propane heater out here." " Yeah, down in the basement." " Thank you." " Fun fact about propane" " Pizza." "Saw you by sheila's old place the other day." "How's damien doing?" "He's doing all right." "He's like living in a studio over by N.Y.U., You know." "Yeah, it's got to be tough for him not having his mom around to do everything for him." " Welcome to real life." " Yeah, no shit." "All right, fellas, here's the deal on the hoops situation." " Oh, we took a vote, chief." " No, there is no vote." "What do you think this is, a goddamn democracy?" "I come back to full duty in 2 weeks, and I don't want to listen to the hockey half of the house bitching and moaning about the b-ball half." "So I solved it." "Engine company's downstairs right now putting up one hoop and one hockey goal." "Ok, so let me get this straight." "Let me get this straight." "We're going halfsies?" "Halfsies it is." "End of discussion." "Now I'm going home so this goddamn pizza isn't throwing me off my diet." " Enjoy, boys." " You're the man, chief." "You're the man." "I think what makes the most sense, and I've been trying to piece the evening together, is that she must have drugged me." "I think- she couldn't get me to commit or submit to what she wanted, which was, you know, for me to give up my job as a fireman and to move into this house with her." "And I'll tell you something else-I'm- she mu she must have forged my name on documents for that house." "What, um, what substance do you believe she might have drugged you with?" "But I Viagra or something." " I'm not going to say that." " Just say it." " I'm not saying it." " Say it." " I'm not." " Say it." " Get out of here." " Say it, wimp." " Hey, hey." " Oh, sorry, hey, it's me." " Hey." " Hi." " Hi." " I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to wake you, but it seemed like you were having a really bad dream, so..." "Oh, I was, yeah." " You ok?" " Yeah." "Oh, nice dress." "Oh-thank you." "I am, um, going to wear it to the dinner, so I'm glad you like it." "I got it at barney'S." "Usually I don't go there 'cause it's, you know, too fancy, but there's a warehouse sale twice a year, so I bought this and another one that I may wear, but probably this one." " Um, dinner." " Yeah, next tuesday night." " Do my knees look chubby in this?" " Uh, no." "No." "It's a little spanish place downtown and it's very, very expensive, and you're paying." "Oh, ok." "Now, this is... tuesday?" "We're going out?" "You know, after I saved your life, you asked me if there was anything that you could do for me" " and I said, "yes, you can take me to dinner. "" " I-yeah." "Really haven't mentio so I decided to take the bull by the horns and wrestle it to the ground-give me your hand." "Look, it's very difficult for me to get into the city." "So I need a few days notice." "So tuesday night-say it." " What?" " Tuesday night-say it." " Yes." "Ow, tuesday." "Tuesday." " tuesday night" " Tuesday, 7:00." " Ok  jesus." "Ow." " No excuses." " Ok, but" " Ok." "Listen, I'll call you tuesday at 6:00 and I will give you the name and the address of the place, and, uh, toodles." "Ok, ok, you know, I have a brand-new baby at home." " Yeah, I don't care." " Uh, ok." "And, you know, I have a wife." " Tell me-an ex-wife." " But she lives with me." "0" " Don't care." " Ok." "Toodles." "Ow." "Are you sure you want to do his?" "Yes, I-I've been thinking a lot about it and I think that the fact that you like porn is, um, really special, so I want to do it for us, you know?" "Rather than be freaked out by it, I want to just embrace it, you know?" "I mean, you like some of my hobbies." " Like what?" " Uh, you know... walking." "Um, and my trains." "You really- ok, actually, you don't, but I am going to do it for us." " Ok." " Ok, here we go." "Ready?" "Ok." " You're the plumber?" " Yeah, you're the one that called?" " I am." "Hey, baby, I haven't seen richie since I got here." " Where is he?" " Uh, he called." "He's at the center." "He's got some new friend down there or something." "Oh, right." "So, uh, I guess that means, you and me, we havesome alone time, right?" " I'm reading, franco." " Oh, come on, you want to fool around?" "I'm in the middle of a chapter." "Well, you know what?" "I'm in the middle of a chapter, too." "It's chapter 7, actually-franco needs sex." "Oh, ok, well, let's skip to another chapter." "What's chapter 2?" "Uh, franco needs sex." "Don't even ask about the other chapters." " They're all franco needs sex." " That's right." "Except for the last chapter, which is franco falls asleep after sex." " Come on, baby." " Uh, I'm almost done reading." "Give me 15 minutes." "You know, I, uh, I almost died today." " What?" " Yeah." "Yeah, we were in this, uh, this warehouse." "You know, the whole floor just-just collapsed." "It was a really weird fire." "If the side of the building hadn't blown out, the whole crew-we'd all be toast." "Oh, my god." "You poor guy." "Oh, come here." "...guess I have to almost die more often, huh?" "Oh, my god, that's so phony." "Maggie, come on-she's totally acting." "I've been with a lot of girls in my life and I've never heard a woman moan like that, ever." " No kidding." " What?" "Nothing." "Oh, and now the other guy shows up?" "Come on." "He's going to join in?" "That never happens." "That's ridiculous." "What the hell's he going to do with the pepper mill?" " Sean, that's not a pepper mill." " Oh, my god." "Oh!" "So what are you going to say?" "Well, I guess we're going to find out, huh?" "You could just tell the truth." "Which would be what?" "That you were shit-faced and horny, and then we she got pissy and afraid," " you started pushing her around and telling her" " That's not what happened, ok?" " That's not the truth." " Don't talk over me now." " Don't talk over me!" " What are you doing, jimmy?" "That's your M.O. With her, ok?" "It's your M.O. With her and janet." "Just listen to me for" "Oh, there was a, uh, a bee in there." "I think I got him." "We've got $2 million on the line, and you are totally screwing this up."