"May 12th." "As I go to bed, just before I close my eyes, I see it all again:" "Sticky summer, the waves crashing against the shore." "I see us as the people we were." "It'll never be the same, will it?" "FALKENBERG FAREWELL" "Forty...seven." "Four, seven." "Fifty...seven." "Five, seven." "Fifty...two." "Five, two." "Thirty...three." "Double three." "They're deceitful memories." "The ugly parts are discarded..." "They say you should look ahead, think ahead." "I think backwards." "That's where we are now." "Not here, but there then." " Good morning." " Good morning." " It's only three o'clock." "Five after." " Shit happens." " How do you feel?" " Just perfect." "Why don't I believe that?" "Only you can be the judge of that." "I have no idea." "You seem down all the time, John." "Seriously." "Is it something in particular?" "We have to be able to talk about it." "Don't you think?" " About what?" " You're almost always in a bad mood." "Nope." "It sounds like it." "And it looks like it." "Not everything is as it seems." "That's all I'm saying." "You don't think all that fat you shovel in is depressing you?" "I doubt it." "Bacon makes me happy." "Seriously, you really shouldn't eat that much fat." "It could be what's making you depressed." "Bacon doesn't have more fat than anything else." " What?" " Bacon's no worse than anything else." " Meat is meat." " It's a lot more fattening." "More than beef, for example." "That's for sure." " Nah." " You need to get it together." "We'll see." "Have you been over to Cabaret?" " What?" " Have you been over to Cabaret?" "Yeah, I suppose I sat on Emilie Rogovski's lap there once." "I was more wondering what it looks like these days." " How I look there nowadays?" " No." "How it looks like there now." "Ah, how it looks." "I don't know." "It was a long time ago." "Then I think you should..." "...drop by there?" "We could go by there later." "Yeah...maybe." "Or just go to your place and eat chocolate." " Or cake batter." " Maybe." "THE BROTHERS" "One seagull, many seaguile." "I've got a job for you tomorrow, after you've painted the fence." "The walls need to be painted white." "Yeah, well, I'm not doing it." "I'm not painting any goddamned walls." "What's stopping you?" "It's not like you have anything else, except..." "Yeah, but I'm not here to fucking paint." " What are you here for?" " To take it easy." "To relax." " You could make yourself useful." " Like how?" "Like emptying the dishwasher in the morning." "Or chopping some wood." "That's one thing, but painting?" "I can do some." "Not the whole house." "Of course not." "You couldn't sink that low." "You can't accuse me of being sloppy." "I do it right." "Takes a while..." "But you could call me sloppy." "You're sloppy." "You're fast, but it doesn't come out well." "But you get more done." "The question is what's more important." "Is quality or quantity more important?" "For me, I think it's quantity." "It must be." "And me, I aim for quality." "You've got a point there." "You win." "I'm the dumbass." "I never said you were a dumbass, but if you want to be one, fine." "Yeah, I guess I can be that guy." " I didn't say it." " No, it was me ... the little brother." " Take a look at that." " Check it out." "Breakfast in bed!" "Is this your car?" " The brothers!" " The seagull brothers..." " Do you have a camera?" " Yeah." "Where's the camera?" "We have to get a picture of this." "My new car...or rather, my mother's." " Is it your mother's car?" " She doesn't know I did it." "June 3rd." "Do you remember when we were little?" "When the frost thawed, we'd dig in the ground." "Me, John and Holger." "Next to the hole we built a cube of stolen boards that we lowered into the ground." "You could climb in through a hatch." "If you didn't know, it was impossible to see the secret room." "I think it's still there." "Maybe it's decayed from moisture." "We decorated with old rugs from the basement and hung hunting trophies on the walls." "You could only stay in there for a little while." "Then the air would run out, and you'd have to open the hatch." "The time in the darkness seemed to go on and on." "It felt...pleasurable." "We would sit there, Holger and I." "And it felt like the lumber all around us had just been cut." "The best part was when the oceans winds blew inland." "There was a quiet scraping outside." "You could sense the branches flailing away outside." "How the wind whistled between the tree trunks." "As long as we sat still and stared into the darkness." " David?" " Yeah." "Can you drive us into town?" "Sure." "When?" " What did you say?" " When?" " Soon." "In like, ten minutes?" " Sure." "I'll be right there." " Yup." " Great." "We can only hope for a good summer down here." " So far, so good." " Yes, absolutely." "I mean..." "We were just talking about it today." "We've had dinner outside four Sundays in a row." "That's not very common." "Yeah, but it's sticky outside." "There seem to be one hell of a lot of Norwegians in town." "A lot of them were at what seemed to be a singles party." "Yeah, that's something the Norwegians like a lot." "Fuck, this is so fucking boring." "The first one was fun." "When you're in that state, it's perfect." "It's like when you..." "But once you reach it, it's really..." "I don't think our mushroom highs are the highest level you can reach." " That's just skimming the surface." " That's the insight I get:" "It's actually good here." "This is where I always wanted to be." "I experienced sadness when I was in...when I was in that state." " You experienced it all?" " That night we had, for instance." "I don't really know how..." "There were a few of us." " Come on, not two at the same time?" " No?" "All right." "There were a few of us at some guesthouse in Laksman Jhula." "And we were we were being pretty loud." "So this old guy who lived right where we were sitting came out." "He was really pissed off and told us to be quiet." "Says there's children sleeping there, and stuff." "The anger I experienced then was..." "It was really terrible." "I started crying my eyes out." "And when some of those who'd been sitting outside his room with us really got in his face and said that we were free to do what we wanted." "Which created this huge conflict." "It was just terrible, and I cried a lot." "And..." "I found a red one earlier today." "Oskar told me about the pseudo scorpion in Thailand." "It looks a lot like a scorpion, but it's a spider." "But the spider thinks it's a scorpion." " Hello, Jesper." "What are you up to?" " I'm on my way into town." " Long time, no see." " A really long time." " I can give you a lift if you want." " Do you have time for that?" "Cool." " Good to see you." " Good to see you, too." "I just got here on Tuesday, so I haven't had time to..." " Must be two years since I saw you." " It's been a long time." "Of course I'd bump into someone like this." "It's nice in a small town." " Yeah." "I'm living at Mom's now." " Is it okay living at home?" "Yeah, it's just wonderful." "You know, I had something, back when I had an apartment." " Now I've got nothing." " Did you get rid of it?" "Yeah, I got rid of it." "It wasn't easy." " It's not easy to keep an apartment." " Or to get rid of one." "No, it isn't." "That's probably harder." "Yeah, but I have this idea that came to me recently." "I'm going to start a 'breakfast in bed' thing." " All legal?" " Yeah, it's a legitimate business." " Although rather fanciful." " No, it's quite serious." "I'm going to drive breakfast out to people, a catering operation." "How does it work?" "Is that going to be your livelihood?" "That's the plan." "My new company." "The goal is Stockholm." "And a turnover of about 2 million crowns in a year, or so." "Let me explain it to you." "When you stay at a hotel, you always get a good breakfast." "You get to choose what you want." "You have some choices." "What I figured is that you deliver that to people's homes instead." "Like a pizzeria, but it's breakfast." "With yogurt and omelets, boiled eggs and coffee, tea, chocolate." "Whatever you like." "You choose." "You order your breakfast, like pizza." " Mom's home." " Yeah." "She okay?" " She's fine." " Great." "So this is what you look like?" "I can't always recognize you." "You never know if you'll have braids, if your head's shaved or if you've dyed your hair." "A lot can happen in three days." " Now what'll happen?" " Hi." "You never know with you." "Nothing special." " What are you doing, Jorgen?" " Grabbing some CDs." " What are you taking now?" " This one...just for a bit." " That's ours." " I got it for my birthday." "No." "Your father gave me that for Christmas for the kitchen." "What are you going to do with it?" " Everything okay, otherwise?" " Yes." "My God, you couldn't even go into a store." "One time he pushed the alarm button and the police came." " What are you doing with that?" " Philishave." "What do you want with that?" "It's your father's shaver." " What are you doing with all this?" " I'm just grabbing a few things." "When he was little, we were at IKEA in Gothenburg he turned off the escalator and I was so embarrassed." " What are you doing with that?" " Stop it, just relax!" " That's what you always say." " Bye, Mom." " Bye, Helena." " See you soon." " Now, don't get up to anything." " Naw." "Please call so I know where you are." "June 7th." "There were no girls around when we grew up." "They were probably there, but just out of sight." "John had a girlfriend once." "Jorgen had several." "But they were never included." "Divided." "Boys on one side and girls on the other." "Holger and I had each other." "Best friends." "My best friend." "And John was always close by." "I guess we became a family." "Jorgen was in special needs class was full of energy and criminal tendencies." "Every day, a new bright idea, a new plan." "He wanted to get something going." "And Jesper, who just wanted to get out of here." "Even when we were really young, he wanted to move abroad." "He probably missed home." "An exile from birth." "He went to Oslo to make some money for that trip everyone apparently has to take." "To find yourself on the other side of the world." "Has the memory of who we were burrowed into our heads like a parasite, to live there?" "They're all in here, attached to my retina as I close my eyes." "I want to leave them and fly away." "Look down at you, wave a little bit." "But you don't see me." "WHEN YOU BECAME ME" " Holger!" " Yeah?" "I thought it looked a little dull over there." "Not there?" "What the fuck!" "Should we...should we bring it down?" "The tree doesn't feel good standing there being dead." "Nope." "Let's push it." "Remember when we ate mushrooms in Thailand on sandwiches?" "I couldn't eat those kinds of sandwiches after that." "Oh, cool." "I'm glad we're doing this." "It feels good." " Is this the last time?" " Then that's that." "Somehow this doesn't feel especially new." "It's like, it always feels like..." "Now we've discovered something here, but it's like..." "To me it's more like that you've met yourself again." " Or the one you want to be." " Yeah, but if..." "It could be a nice little reminder, you know." "Yeah, this is what I was aiming for." " Yeah, but then I hit thirty." " Yeah." "This is the way I want it." "A bit like this." "But you can't have it that way." "Ahh, it feels good." "July 1st." "The horse." "He was big as hell." "He was always by that hollow tree at the curve in the road." "All alone." "We would lure him over to us with grass." "And that one time, you just had to get close to him." "He breathed heavily as you walked up to put your hand on the base of his mane." "Your little hand on the biggest workhorse in the world." "And for the first time, you sat very close." "And when the horse got up, you fell backwards and swore and I laughed." "It was too funny, you laying there in the mud." " Does it smell like sweat?" " Affirmative." "You usually don't." "That's usually my department." "It's a bit..." "No, it doesn't smell good." "Yeah, I can really smell your sweat." "It felt as if I'd lost everything about myself." "It was almost like putting your finger on what it must feel like to sell your soul." "When I became you?" "Was it terribly negative?" "Yes." "It was very negative to me." "But what followed was incredibly liberating." "It was as if Holger didn't exist anymore." "But it was also like I said to you before:" ""Great, now we're not David anymore, we're just you." Right?" "But the feeling of someone climbing right inside of your head is something I find really unpleasant." "Yeah, I guess, but that's what it's all about." " How?" " We're not really inside ourselves." "In the end." "But we're in everyone else's heads at the same time." "But it's wrong to do it with drugs." "And that's why I thought it was a mistake that time." "It was as if we were doing something wrong." "You really had no business in there at all." " But that wasn't deliberate." " No, we hadn't planned it that way." "Are FF playing tomorrow?" "FF are playing tomorrow, right?" "No, tomorrow, I think." "Yes, it must be tomorrow they're playing." "They'd better win tomorrow, otherwise..." " Is Sylvia a home game?" " Yes." "Then they'd better win." "If they don't, then they've completely lost their grip." "At least for the most part." "Sure, they've got a ways to go, but they should leave Sylvia in the dust." "Because after that it's a lot of the tougher teams ahead of them." "Sure, sure." "They have to beat Sylvia or it'll be hell to pay." "FF's got a tough season ahead." "Are you tired today?" "I'm pretty tired too." "I don't know, but..." "The Antichrist is coming in three weeks." "And the Messiah is coming in two and a half months." " Says who?" " I just heard it." "Okay..." " I just heard it." " Okay." " Then let's wait." " Yeah, let's wait." "It's exciting." " Nice." " You don't smoke, do you?" " No, I'm good." " Care for a cig?" "Yeah, I'll have one." " Hi, Dad!" " Hi." " How's it going?" " Fine." "It's kind of loose." " Haven't you been in town at all?" " No, not with all this rain today." " Not at all?" " No, I took the bus right home." "The bus and train were in sync for once." "Doesn't happen often." "I almost never ride the bus here." "You must be one of the few who do." "Yes, I actually met someone from Skogstorp..." "So it's the two of you..." "He'd never taken it before, but then they took away his driver's license so now he's completely devoted to the..." " Bus." " To the bus." "He's always taking it." "Goes into town to shop and stuff and he says it works just perfectly." "Okay." " So, what have you been up to?" " Hanging out with John and stuff." "We were at his place, then in town, but nothing was going on." "So we left and..." "just talked and walked." "That's about it." "It must have rained as much here as in Varberg." "Yes, but it kind of came and went." "At one point it came down like crazy and then it just sort of drizzled." "But I didn't really notice it." " I'm going to bed." " Yeah, me too." " Will you turn the lights off later?" " Sure." "Of course I will." "Holger, Holger, Holger..." "July 15th." "I hate you." "Or..." "I love you." "Or rather, I love the way we were." "We stayed in the jungle for the entire day." "And now I just want to be back there again." "Clear a space in the brush." "Build a bungalow." "Maybe I could come visit myself." "NO MORE WINTERS" "And I grow old in that house." "A hermit, in the very depths of the jungle." "Every year it grows thicker." "One day I won't be able to get out any more." "All that remains is the memory of the outside world." "And our parents..." "Was it the same for them?" "They're getting old." "Wrinkles." "Gray hair." "Tired eyes." "Are they us when time has slipped by and everything stood still?" "Yes, this is the last day of 1977 and it's also one of the last images of the belly." "You can't see it when you're this close." "This will be my last summer." "I promise." "The last summer, no more winters." "Why don't you move when you say you're going to move?" " What is it you're ashamed of?" " There's a virus in this town." "I don't know if it's just Falkenberg, but you know..." "What is there in Gothenburg?" "Everyone's going to Gothenburg." "As soon as you meet someone..." "If you go there for a couple of days and come back and meet someone you haven't seen in a while." "And of course that person says, "Have you been to Gothenburg?"" "And you ask, "What are you doing these days?"" ""I think I'll go to school after the summer."" ""Otherwise I'll move up to my brother in Gothenburg."" "For that reason alone, I'll never move away from here." "And damn you if you say, "I'm leaving"." "You haven't yet." "Meet someone on the town and say, "Guess what?" "I'm staying here"." "Yeah, well." "I guess you could say..." "I've booked myself here for good." "What are you doing after the summer?" "Gothenburg?" " I guess I'll probably move to..." " Why pick that city?" "Move to Malmo instead or Vaxjo." " Want to get out of here?" " Yeah." "Christ, it's getting cold." "Get the flag." "Then you can shoot your friends." "You can shoot them whenever you want." "Yeah, but nothing happens." "The bullets go right through." "Is this what you've been wasting your time on, John?" "Imagine what you could have done with that time instead." " What time?" " The time you've spent doing this." "That's my friend there." "Will you please die?" " Nobody's home." " Good." " Do you have that screwdriver?" " No." " Let's go in here." " Yes!" " The lights are on." " Don't worry." "They're in Finland." "Grab a chair." " Welcome inside." " Thank you very much." " Close the door, will you?" " Yeah, just a sec." " We should take our shoes off, right?" " Yes." "Just this door..." " Is this one any good?" " That's a brilliant one." " It's good." "But maybe, it's too..." " It's mean." "Yeah, well, let's wait with that." "We can play a song later." "Oh, the fridge." "Aren't you hungry?" " Oh, my God." " Christ, that looks good." "Chocolate covered wafers with mint cream..." "Fuck." "You see anything in here we can take?" "Nothing I can be bothered with." "I'm spent." "And this is where they sleep." "Wasn't she in class 9B?" "Who, Fatima?" " What was her name?" " That's not her." " Ah, fuck it." " Are you tired?" "There's nothing here." "Two crowns." "Take them, buy some gum." " Naw." " Check this out." "Fuck, they've got nothing." "What about grandfather clocks ...are they worth anything?" "Jorgen, Jorgen." "Somebody's coming." "I'll get it!" " I'll get it!" " No, no, no!" "This is Holger." "Hi." "Hi, how are you doing?" "Really..." "What is it?" "Okay." "I'll do that." " Who was that?" " I don't know..." "What the hell?" "Hey, you..." "Holger!" "Holger!" "Holger!" "Wait!" "Holger!" "Wait!" "Holger!" "THAT LITTLE TOWN BY THE SEA" "Holger..." "Are you alright?" "This package came for you." "It's from David." "It's David's journal." ""June 13th." "Holger and I got into an argument today."" ""He left me alone out in the woods and drove off home."" ""I used to feel that every disagreement..."" ""...should be run to its conclusion."" ""That these problems were important."" ""But the evening has a message."" ""Interrupt yourself and all of creation takes Saturday off."" ""But maybe these moments don't mean a thing."" ""That's what fills the world with healing."" ""That's where the holistic thoughts sprout and grow."" " Why do you think he sent it to you?" " I don't know." "I don't know." " Would you like to be alone?" " Yes." "July 23rd." "Today I was thinking a lot about the time we spend here on Earth." "The grandness of it all, but also its puniness." "I mean, everyone's going to die one day." "That's just how it is." "I don't know, I'm trying to imagine it." "A final deep breath." "You fill your lungs until they're about to burst." "Your heart cramps up and warm blood flows to the brain creating dizziness and heat only to drain back out again." "A little at a time." "You're gone." "Maybe that's good." "What the hell do I know?" "I remember a guy named Olle Extra Life." "He was hit by a bus, but survived." "But he too will die one day." "Just not this time." "He's got one more life to go, Olle Extra Life." "It must be really nice to get a second chance." "A second chance to live, to live my life like Olle Extra Life." " Did he ever let you read it before?" " No." "I wonder what my funeral will be like when I die." "I can just see it." "Because it's a small town funeral it'll be like one for an old person." "Young people aren't supposed to die here." "There's no Rock 'n' roll at the funeral, no party afterwards where everyone gets drunk and remembers how it was for us." "There will be coffee in the Sailor's Cottage." "Relatives and old people that see death as perfectly normal something they live with every day." "But you guys, you who really knew me, my friends..." "I wonder what you'll be thinking." "Maybe you'll just want to forget and not be there." "I understand that." "I wouldn't want to be there either if it was one of you." "Will you miss me?" "Everyone has the ability to choose and maybe this is what I want." "Will you understand that?" "It's important that you do." " Is that it?" " I don't know." "I think so." " Nothing more?" " I don't think there tends to be." " Is it over now?" " Yeah." " Should we go?" " Yeah, let's go." "Don' t think that this is a cry for help." "I want this." "I don't feel like taking part anymore." "Is this going to make you sad?" "Will you cry?" "Or will you cry because you feel you have to, without knowing why?" "Because it's all so fucking sad, and then you go on with your lives." "I hope you do that." "I hope you forget." "Why are you calling me this goddamned late?" "Why did you even call me?" "Give the phone to someone else if you're going to be that way." "Fucking whining." "Man, are you a whiny sonofabitch." "Dial it down." "Well, you should just drink up your beer and then come over, right?" "Christ, bitch!" "Why aren't you here already?" "By the bridge?" "Maybe we're there, maybe not." "But if you're late, shit might happen." "Shit can happen, bitch." "Yeah, but whatever." "Get your ass over here." "How..." "I don't give a fuck." "Just get over here." "Fly here on a leaf." "Oh shit, he hung up." "Fuck!" "Fuck, this sucks so bad!" "Can't even talk to..." "Fuck, does this suck." "Damn." "You're talking about your shit and I'm talking about my shit." "It's always like that here." "You don't even know what it means." "It's so goddamned sad." "So goddamned sad." "Halftime?" "Okay." "You get the ball over there." "And then you get to kick." "One of you has to be knocked down." "Is that the point?" "August 2nd." "I could buy a ticket at the station hop on the first train to come along and head off somewhere." "And then watch all the cities whiz by the train tracks." "I could probably get an apartment somewhere, if I put effort into it." "Far away from preconceived notions and the roles we've been dealt." "I could start a new life, be an interior decorator and maybe I could care about that." "And with a bit of luck I could meet some new people." "Some new people to talk to." "New friends." "I could go to school to become a chef or a banker or whatever." "Get a job with a real paycheck." "Buy new clothes really nice, expensive clothes perhaps...that I like." "And maybe I'll meet a girl there." "A girl I like and who likes me." "We could spend time together, just the two of us." "Late mornings in bed, consumed with each other forgetting everything else, speaking our own language." "We might argue, but we'd resolve it, talk it out, move in together." "We'd drive our car out to the sea, make a home and have kids." "Three or four maybe." "Funny, strong kids and I would love them." "Give them a home and a dad." "I'd probably wake up in the middle of the night and have doubts about my choices and my love." "Take that little walk down the road, watch the cars in the dark be blinded by headlights and feel the cold and the solitude out there." "And then return to bed, hold her and hate myself and my darkness." "Then I see something appear out of the fog." "And then I miss the town I was born in, my home town." "That little town by the sea that I maybe never left and maybe I'll remain here." "Maybe that's what I'll choose." "Maybe I won't go anywhere, I'll stay here." "That's what I choose." "That's what I choose." " Holger Eriksson..." "Hi!" " Hi, Eva." " Nice to see you." " Hi there." " Are you working somewhere?" " Naw." "I'm just painting the house." "Oh, what are you doing after that?" "I might go to Gothenburg after the summer..." "I know some people there." "So you can get a job." "Make some money." "Well that sounds good." "Good luck, my friend." " Thank you." " Bye."