"January 1998 Wang Yinong" "So come over, then..." "Of course it's fine." "He wants you to come over, so he's not going out." "Hey, give me that." " Fuck off." " Give me the phone." "He wants to talk to you." "Liang Yang, come on over." "I was going out, but then you said you were coming over, so I'm not." "No problem." "If you're coming over, I'll wait here." "So just come on over, OK?" "What?" "That's Zhao Yu." "It's nothing." "No, it's okay." "You guys come over." "I'll wait here." "OK." "Why don't you go home?" "Why should I go home?" "I'll take you home." "Why?" "You said you'd wait." "I'm sure you've got things to do at home." "Aren't you going to wait for her?" "You're not going to wait?" "No?" " So you lied to her?" " No, I'm waiting." "Then you can't go out, can you?" "Honestly, sometimes I don't know what you're thinking." " Aren't you going to wait for her?" " I am waiting." "Zhang Wei" "You making a movie or something?" "You're so funny." "Did Fang Lei leave already?" "Yeah, but he's coming back soon." "Why don't you give him a call?" "You really brought the whole kit today." "You left your "water" here last time." "Leave it here for now." "What are you eating?" "Give me one." "So how much did you score?" "A hundred's worth." "You stingy bastard." "That's all you ever buy." "Hardly enough for one shot." "I know the guy, so he only charged me 80." "Is it enough for two shots?" "Yeah." "So did you buy your methadone?" "When are you going to kick?" "In a couple of days." "That's what they all say." ""In a couple of days."" "Just saying you'll kick in a couple of days is a good start." "You kicking in a couple of days too?" "This is the last of my stash." "I asked: "Are you going to quit?"" "Yeah." "This is my last shit." " You're not going to shoot again?" " Nope." "Starting tomorrow, you're going to kick?" "Kick or die, man." "Cold turkey." "If I can stay clean for a week, the worst will be over." "There's this medicine that gets you off quickly." "No withdrawal pains." "An Ding Hospital makes it." " Do you have to go there to get it?" " No, all the pharmacies have it." "Does it work?" "Bet it's still pretty fucking painful." "It costs 50 yuan per box." "12 pills to a box." "You take a box a day." "A box a day?" "Fuck that!" "You take it for 10 days." "10 days, 10 boxes." "How many pills to a box again?" "12. 3 times a day." "4 pills each time." "A box a day for 10 days." "So that's 500 yuan altogether?" "Yeah." "That's one cycle." " And it really helps you quit?" " More or less." "I'm going to go cold turkey." "I can't afford meds." "Cold turkey's awful." "When I first got hooked, people said if I quit for 72 hours, I'd be OK." "Take it slow, they said, and after a week you'll be fine." "Now people say it takes 10 days." "Or 15 days." "Fucking hell!" "If it's all cold turkey, why is it taking longer and longer?" "When you first started, didn't people say it only took 72 h?" "No, they said it only took a day or two!" "Sure, as long as you don't go cold turkey all at once." "You smoke for 3 days, quit for 2, then start up again, quit for 3 days, for 4, then you're fine!" "Far Rat quit in only 4 days... but he still craved it afterward." "Cravings are the worst." "I don't smoke those." "I smoke Derbies." "This is my last hit." "When you're high you're completely relaxed." "It's like there's nothing, not even your own brain." "It's as if you don't exist." "You're not even there." "You don't need or want anything." "It's like there's just nothing." "If I had a good family life, a better environment," "I wouldn't use this shit." "But who needs all that family shit anyhow?" " Did you stay clean last night?" " Yes." " You didn't score any stuff?" " Nope." " I guess that means you're clean!" " Yeah." "You're not shitting us?" "No way, I've been clean for 2-3 days." " You haven't done any till now?" " Nothing, I'm totally clean." " You didn't go out and score some?" " No." "Then you've quit!" "Three days later" "All right." "I'll just do these 2 bits." "Fuck!" "If you're doing some, then I will too." "Hundred Flowers Lane" "Tapes!" "Tapes for sale!" "What are you selling out here on the street?" "Tapes." "Pirated tapes." "Rock and roll youth:" "Selling pirated tapes on the street." "April 1998" " Where's Xiao Yang?" " Sleeping." "We've got a fucking situation." "Zhao Jin got arrested." " No shit?" " Would I lie to you?" "Why?" "I bet Zhang Wei tipped off the cops about Zhao Jin when he got arrested." "So Zhang Wei got arrested too?" "And the house at 100 Flowers Lane?" " It's already been searched." " What?" " The cops finished searching it." " What about the amps?" "They didn't touch the amps, but the rest of the place was sacked." "Zhao Yu said to check out the situation at 100 Flowers or better yet, get out of town while I could." "As soon as I heard, I rode my bike over to 100 Flowers but the door was locked." "I didn't go inside." "I went to get Fei Fei and the two of us jumped to the wall to have a look inside." "The place had been sacked." "Shit." "They're probably going to arrest a lot of people this time." "Fei Fei and all the others." "A whole load of people." "That house was getting out of control, people hanging around all the time." "And Zhang Wei probably already told the cops about Wang Yinong." "And about Liang Yang, Weil Lei and me." "And about Fei Fei." "We're fucked." "The whole lot of us." "Does your family know that you use?" "They used to." "Now I don't know." "They don't ask too many questions now." " Don't tell my family, OK?" " I know." "I won't." "I'd be fucked if they found out." "Shortly after, Wang Yinong and Zhang Wei are arrested." "Fang Lei is the only one not arrested." "People stop coming to 100 Flowers because they fear the police might have the house under surveillance." "We do not meet up again until one day in June, when we run into each other by chance in 100 Flowers Lane." "So what are you doing these days?" "Just hanging out at home." " Did you quit too?" " Hell no!" "As if I could!" "They haven't caught me yet!" "I'm the last holdout." "9 out of 10 of us have been arrested." "You're the only bastard who hasn't!" " Got any stash on you?" " Yeah." "Let's smoke it at 100 Flowers." "Look, I've still got the key to this place." "But isn't that a new lock?" "Couldn't you just kick the door open?" "Yeah, but we can't leave it that way." "The Public Security Bureau..." "The PSB gave me this goddam..." "Not so loud, all right?" "The police station..." "You fucking idiot!" "First you're babbling about the PSB, now the police station." "Let's get a screwdriver and take the door off its hinges." "Or else you could take that rock and use it like a battering ram." "Just ram the door in." "After being locked up, everything outside looks so beautiful." "Where were you locked up?" "Qinghe Probationary Prison in Haidian." "When I got out, I was so out of it" "I didn't even know how to get home." "I got so lost I had to ask this guy for directions to Qinghe Bridge." "He told me it was the other way." "It took me 40 minutes to walk from the prison to that intersection." "God, it was far." "I fucking sprained a muscle." "Cool!" "You got the door open!" " I hope the cops don't show up." " They won't." "This is all the stash I've got left." "I don't know why, but I feel kind of nervous about this." "Here." "Let me do that." "You fucking wanker, you're scared!" "Fuck, if any of us gets caught again, we'll be sentenced to hard labor." "For a year." "A year." " A year..." " More like a year and a half." "I got arrested in Wei Gong Cun." "I thought I was being careful, looking all around the street." "I saw that Uighur guy, you know, the one who looks like Paul McCartney." "Seriously, the guy looks just like him." "When he ignored me, I started thinking something was wrong." "I bought some water, then went into the alley where the dealers hang out." "Suddenly, I saw 2 plainclothes cops run into the alley." "So I ducked into a public toilet to hide." "When I came out again," "I saw them arresting the Uighur Paul McCartney." "I thought I'd better get out of there." "So I sneaked out the back alley." "I was still being careful, you know, looking back every couple of steps." "Then I saw this other Uighur guy." "I told him I wanted 200 worth and gave him the cash." "He told me to wait, so I hid in a corner to wait." "Then those two cops come back and tap me on the shoulder." ""Who the hell do you think you're waiting for?", they ask." "They say they know what I'm up to and I'd better tell the truth or they'll beat the shit out of me." "Then they order me to carry on and make the buy I'd arranged." "They said if I cooperated they'd be lenient." "I didn't have any choice but to go along with it." "Then the Uighur guy comes back and signals me." "I walk over to him." "And as soon as we finish the buy, the cops grab both of us." "They handcuff us inside that police box they've got there and drive us to the station." "I just got out this Friday, you know?" "I'm still a bit scared." "Now I only buy from people I know." "I'm not going back to Wei Gong Cun." "The first time they catch you, they hold you for 15 days." "The second time it's three months of forced rehab." "The third time, it's "labor re-education"." "They said if they catch me again, it's 18 months of labor re-education without any rehab first." "Those bastards..." "We'll see about that." "I'm planning to quit." "That's easier said than done, though." "Who knows what'll happen." "My dad doesn't smoke or drink." "The man does nothing." "He has no hobbies." "He's not a bad guy." "Just has a nasty temper." "Probably because he doesn't have any hobbies." "He'd be better off if he had a hobby - chess, gardening, anything." "After my mom got laid off, she was always trying to make some money." "She started doing Amway direct sales to make some money." "My dad and sister were totally against it." "But my mom spent thousands of yuan on that Amway shit, anyway." "She ended up fucking broke, with a whole pile of Amway junk left over." "Soon after this, Zhang Wei is arrested and sentenced to 3 years in a labor re-education camp." "Wang Yinong drops out of sight, and the others lose touch." "Fang Lei is the only one left." "Just when you start thinking this is some really good shit, it turns on you." "That's because it's got you hooked." "By the time you realize this shit's no good, it's already too late." "Because at that point you don't need anything else." "You start out needing this one thing but in the end, you don't need that either because it stops having an effect." "It gets to where it doesn't even relieve your stress anymore." "At that point, you don't need it anymore, but your body does." "The physical need is the worst part." "It's almost painful." "Our country needs to see this." "There are a lot of young people out there, just like him." "Our country should start paying some attention to this." "The government should show them some warmth, some concern." "It really should." "Too many people floating around, just waiting forjobs." "An awful lot of them are under thirty." "They were born in the 1970's." "Now they're growing up." "They're not bad kids." "If only they could just..." "But there aren't enough jobs, and people are being laid off." "Society is leaving these kids behind." "Nobody gives them a chance." "Fall." "Fang Lei finds a new place to live." " But I am, really, I..." " I don't even want to hear it." "But I told you I was quitting." "If you want to quit, then stop using." "You said you weren't hooked." "Are you hooked?" "Is that it?" "Can't you sell me 50 yuan worth?" "Don't talk to me about money." "I hate that." "Besides, this isn't about money." " Then give me some for free." " Forget it." "Had I known, I would have scored some myself." "You'll never quit like this." "I don't plan to keep using forever." "That day you came back, hadn't you quit?" "You swore you'd never use again." "Listen, I know what I'm doing." "Nobody knows what they're doing when it comes to this." "Besides, you saw me, the last couple of days, all I've done is a tiny bit of resin." "You call that "using"?" "Shut up in there, the landlord is coming over any minute." "I'm not making any noise!" "I just said the landlord's coming over, so don't be obnoxious." "Who's being obnoxious?" " What's with you?" " Who's obnoxious?" "I didn't say that." "What's your problem?" "Nothing." "I want to know why you're telling me to shut up when I'm not making any noise." "I didn't say you were." "All I said was that the landlord is coming over." "If you don't like it, then leave." "Just stop being obnoxious." "What the hell's that supposed to mean?" "What the hell's with you?" "All I said was..." "Was I being loud?" "How was I loud?" "So I can't even ask you to be quiet now?" "Fang Lei, he didn't mean anything by it." "All I meant was stop puking because the landlord's coming." "There wasn't any hidden message." "Wang Lei and Mu Yang's band:" "No. 43, Baojia Street" "OK, let's try again." "One, two, three..." "Can you lend me 100 yuan?" " Again?" "Why?" " I'm broke." " You're broke again already?" " Yeah." "What the hell do you do with your money?" "All I can say is that you two had better get it together soon." "What are your plans?" "Just waiting for Fang Lei to pick me up." "It'll save a 50 yuan cab fare." "It won't go through like that." "Do we want this 5 cent note?" "Yeah, better take it." " You want this?" " No." "You want this piece of cloth?" "Yeah, we can use it to wrap stuff in." "Wang Lei and Liang Yang move into a rented room on White Cloud Road." "Mu Yang moves to the outskirts of the city." "Fang Lei retums home, but moves out again soon afterward." "Stop lecturing me!" "People should be equal, you know." "We are talking as equals." "You, you, and you!" "You're all the same!" "You know I hate lectures." "I just hope your group of friends..." "My friends are none of your business!" "You do your thing, I'll do mine." "Just leave me alone, OK?" "Your group just needs a leader, someone to inspire you." "What right do you have to lecture?" "I'm not lecturing, we're discussing." "What gives you the right?" "Someday, you'll remember these words of advice and know that I'm right." "You think you're better than everyone?" "The guy fixing shoes on the street probably gives better advice!" "When it comes to giving lectures, everyone's the same." "But when it comes to being a bastard, everyone's got his own method." "You're using one method of being a bastard and I'm using another." "You are just using the more polite method of being a bastard." " I understand you too well." " Turn the camera off." "300 for a medium bag." "We come here all the time and buy 5 every time." "It's never any good." "I've got some purer stuff but it costs 400." "Do you have a sample?" "Sure, I've got a bag for 150." "Don't you have anything cheaper?" "Try it." "If you don't like it, I'll give you a refund." "Sure." "I've heard that before." "I'm not from Beijing, you know." "I'm from Ningxia." "I know." "I'm a regular customer." "Buy a bag and try it." "If you like it, then come back." "How much for a bag again?" "150 is my lowest price." "The cops who arrested him are from the city narcotics squad." "That's all those guys do." "Catch people and send them to the..." "To that place..." "What's it called again?" "Rehab." "Yeah." "They send you to rehab and make you pay for it." "You have to pay for rehab?" "Hell yes!" "You don't think they help you for free?" "They don't even give you any meds." "But you have to pay them 10,000 yuan." "If you pay, then they let you leave." "If not, they keep you there." "Shit." "They don't even sentence you." "The Public Security Bureau and the police stations have quotas." "They're supposed to sentence you." "But the rehab centers are different." "They don't care if it's your 1 st, or 8th time, they'll still let you go." "They just want your money." " What about Zhang Wei?" " Zhang Wei was caught twice." "The first time cost him 18,000 yuan, the second time was 12,000 yuan." "These people aren't evil, they're just trying to make a little money." "Besides, you did it to yourself so you can't complain." "This stuff..." "Whoever touches this shit has no right to complain about other people." "This shit has ruined a lot of people." "In March 1999, Liang Yang takes 60 sleeping pills and is rushed to the emergency ward of Xizhimen Hospital." "It's going to be a tough month ahead." "After my last overdose, I couldn't remember anything for a month." "I couldn't even recognize people." "Those pills really mess with your brain." "If I hadn't caught you that day, you wouldn't have told me about that girl, would you?" "What are you talking about?" "I only met her once." "I doubt I'd even recognize her face." "I know you're in a nervous state right now so I don't want to get into this with you." "You don't want to "get into this" with me?" "Let's not talk about this." "You're not thinking straight." " You going to score some stuff?" " I'm broke." "I spent all my money on the hospital bills." "I'm lucky I was even able to borrow that." "Didn't Li Xin say she'd lend us 500?" "400." "I asked for 500, she said 400." "Wang Lei's got less than 100 left." "When I get out of here, I'll get 200 back for the deposit on the bed." "But you've got to do your part." "We can't keep subsidizing you." "It's not fair." "You live at home, so they feed you." "I wasn't asking you to pitch in this time, anyway." "When you get out of here, you need to get some rest, not start getting high again." "Yeah, I guess." "I spent 10 hours at the hospital today." "Well, you can't be more tired than I am." "Why keep bringing this up?" "I'm not blaming you." "I know this is all my fault." "I'm just saying that I'm tired and want a few hits right now, that's all." "You shouldn't have taken me to the hospital." "Right." "I should have just let you die here." "You were afraid I'd die in the house." "Right, that's exactly it." "Come on, you two, this is pointless." "You can't be really heartless, Liang Yang." "I'm "heartless"?" "Not all the time." "Just about this." "Well, if I'm so heartless, why would I try to kill myself?" "Forget it." "It's me who's heartless." "I just want to say this was all my fault." "Liang Yang found out about me and this other girl." "That's why she tried to kill herself." "What's the point talking about this?" "It's over, and Liang Yang's still alive." "I swear I'm not lying about that girl." "I hardly knew her." "If I'm lying, my mother's a whore." "She tried to seduce me when my band was playing in Taiyuan." "I hardly knew her." "Come on, stop this." " No, let him talk." " You don't have to explain." "She met me once, and took a photo." "She "tried to seduce you"?" "It takes two to tango." "So you didn't do anything with her, right?" "Isn't that what you're saying?" "The girl just shows up at my hotel room at 3:00 in the morning." "Mu Yang and I were in the room doing smack." "So you're completely innocent, right?" "I kissed her once." "Just once." "I swear to God." "And Liang Yang found out about it." "It's my fault, every bit of it." "I'm apologizing in front of everyone." "I hurt Liang Yang and I was wrong." "So what if this happens again?" "Or what if I hear rumors of something like this again?" "I'm going to worry it's true." "I swear to God it won't happen again." "I know I gave you cause this time, but it won't happen again." "Then why did you call me a bitch earlier?" "That was in the midst of a crisis, OK?" "It just slipped out." "I didn't mean it." "Wait a minute." "I have to call home." "I'll say I'm over at Zhao Liang's place." "Shush, be quiet." "Hi mom, I'm watching a video at Zhao Liang's place, so I won't be coming home tonight." "Zhao Liang says to say hello." "They said, "Thanks, Zhao Liang"." "All right." "Talk to you later." "They were totally happy about it." "They said they felt saferjust knowing I was at your place." "I can't even sleep at night, much less during the day." "I'll sleep when I'm tired but I'm not tired yet." "No, you lay down and sleep!" "Can't you just stop bugging me?" "Fang Lei..." "Fang Lei..." "Fang Lei..." "He's trying to sleep." "I just want him to give me some of his stash." "Two hits, then I'll go to sleep." "I'm exhausted but I can't sleep." "I'm so jumpy I can't sit still." "This shit really hooks a person, gets its hook in and won't let go." "Don't be like this." "It's not as if I'm dipping into your stash every day." "I always pitch in at least 10 or 20 yuan." "I'm poor." "What else can I do?" "I didn't say I wouldn't give you any." "A few yuan makes no difference to me." "I don't know how you are with others but you've got a whole hundred's worth and all you give me is this little bit!" "Does that seem fair to you?" "And you're better off than us since you live at home - free food, free rent." "But we're this close to getting kicked out onto the street." " But I live with my family." " See?" "That's what I'm saying." "You've got a home, too." "Why don't you go back?" "Sure, as if there's any food there, either." "I don't want to keep harping on this but wouldn't you be better off at home?" "How would that be any better?" "My mom's totally broke." "She doesn't even have a pension." "Forget it, let's not talk about this." "Yeah, I'm here alone." "Just sleeping." "At home." "I'm at my mom's house." "What's wrong?" "I'd better go then." "Yeah, I'm leaving now." "Fei Fei said that the cops are coming over here at 2:00." "Fei Fei said that?" "Then we'd better get out of here fast." "Because last time I got caught, they sent 5 cops over to the house." "But don't the cops know you've quit?" "No matter." "If Fei Fei tipped the cops, they'll definitely come looking for me." "They will, you know." "They'll find me." "Enough talk." "Let's get out of here." "Liang Yang." "Let's go." "The cops are coming!" "Get up and get dressed." "Hurry up, we have to get out of here." " I can't find my hat." " It's over there." " Got all your things?" " Yeah." "OK." "We're out of here." "We can't go to my house." "The cops will be looking there, too." "So what exactly happened just now?" "Fei Fei paged Fang Lei." "Fei Fei paged Fang Lei?" "And he told the cops here?" "Let's go." "OK, talk to you later." " Who was that?" " Fei Fei." "I told him that if the police ask, don't say I'm unemployed." "Say I'm studying or working or something." "Say I'm working as a chef in Qinghe." "We should get out of here." "But where can we go?" "I don't know." "Where to?" "You could head that way." " We gotta keep moving." " Let's go get some noodles." "May 1999" "What are they demonstrating against?" "The bombing of our embassy in Yugoslavia?" "Fuck all that's going to do." "Where are they demonstrating?" "At the American Embassy." "Was it the Americans who bombed it?" "Well, NATO." " Led by the Americans?" " Yeah." "A lot of good that's going to do..." "I'm telling you, if Clinton wasn't ready for this, he wouldn't have sent 3 missiles to do the job." "If a man sends 3 missiles, then he's sure as hell not afraid of the aftermath." "Fuck." "You think you can scare them?" "They planned this all along." "They knew we couldn't retaliate." "They're saying, "Fuck yeah!" "Let's fight it out!" "See who wins!"" "China's going on at the mouth but the Americans are like, "Yeah, bring it on!"" "Moving house is such a pain." "Wang Lei has to move house twice a year." "It's exhausting." "Don't leave me now" "Take my hands in yours" "I'll pour my heart out if you'll listen" "To my melancholy dream" "Each time I turn, my heart's in pain" "Each time I raise my head" "The darkness shields the stars" "Illusion beckons from afar" "I nod back, but only in my dreams" "Illusion beckons from afar" "I never waved goodbye" "Through all these years of grief" "In July 1999, Fang Lei is arrested during a drug buy in Wei Ging Cun and sentenced to 3 months of forced rehab." "Three months later, Fang Lei is finally released from rehab." "Hey, you're back." "I'm telling you, no one could survive in that place very long." "All they give you to eat are these tiny buns." "This tiny." "You only get 5 a day." "A person could starve to death." "Do you know what they were like when they arrested me?" "They pushed me to the ground and cuffed my hands behind my back." "They kicked me twice." "Hard." "And those fucking handcuffs started digging into my skin." "You talk about the third degree?" "Sixth degree is more like it!" "They cuffed me so tightly my hands went numb." "No circulation." "Those bastards... they have this thing they call "high cuffing"" "where they cuff you to a metal pole about this high and make you stand on your toes for like 15 days at a time." "15 days, man." "1 month later, Fang Lei is arrested and sent back into rehab." "The shock causes his father to lose most of his hearing." "He now wears a hearing aid." "In June 2000, Fang Lei is released from rehab for the 2nd time." "He has to report to the Xin Jie Kou Police Station for urine tests." "Fucking hell, those people are insane." "We're out there every day, working our asses off, and for what?" "For what?" "Yes." "What is it?" "We have an appointment with Xiao Song." "All right." "Go upstairs." " All of you?" " Yes, all of us." "Thank you." " Who's that?" " It's just his cousin." " They working you hard?" " Pretty hard." "Well, as I told you last time, we require drug users to undergo urine testing." " Who's that?" " My nephew." "Why's he got a camera?" "He's just filming us this evening." "Filming this?" "Xin Jie Kou Police Station" "You should keep that." "It's proof positive you're clean." "Show that to Zhao Liang." "See?" "Two stripes means he passed." "Good boy!" "Two stripes, I get to go home, one stripe means I go back inside, back to rehab and eating buns again." "This is great, really great!" "Do you know what I call this?" "My "Get Out of Jail Free" pass." "I could make this into a necklace:" "A "Get Out of Jail Free" amulet." "Yeah, you could wear it." "2 stripes!" "I tested negative!" "This is something to be proud of." "To me, this proves he's got willpower." "Anyone want to arrest me?" "Too bad, I've got "The Pass"!" "It proves he's got backbone and willpower." "You can't cheat this test." "See the paper?" "It's made in America." "It's much better than the tests made in China." "They only test for 3 days." "This one tests for 2 weeks." "If you've used drugs any time within the last couple of weeks, it'll show up on the test." "You've got good friends, here." "They must be as proud of you as I am!" "This is wonderful news." "How many times in a life does a man fell this happy?" "Seriously, Zhao Liang, how many times?" "As his father, you must be very relieved." "Ba Li Zhuang, the suburbs of Beijing." "Liang Yang and Wang Lei's crash pad." "Come to Uighurville with us and you can film whole series on the drug trade." "As soon as those Uighur guys see you, they always say, "Hello, old friend!"" "We're marching into Wei Gong Cun" "I'll sing the song in the background as you're filming." "When we bump into the Uighur man" "Uighur man he waves to me" "And I feel oh so happy" "We meet and talk of business" "What business is that?" "The white powder business!" "We work together well" "Such a typical Uighur song." "Those Uighur dealers are a bad lot." "All of them." "I wish the cops would arrest all the dealers so there's no more smack in Beijing." "Those cops are such sons of bitches." "They never arrest the dealers." "They know who the dealers are." "They just don't care." "But they arrest the dealers too, right?" "That's just for the show." "I've seen it with my own eyes." "The cops say," ""Look, these guys are dealing again." Then they just leave." "It feels like the cops use the dealers as bait so they can arrest the users." "Why would they do that?" "What's in it for them?" "Of course there's something in it for them." "Think about how much money they make every time they arrest a user." "How much money?" "Forced rehab costs 10,000 per person." "Why would they bother executing the dealers and confiscating the smack?" "The cops don't make any money that way." "That's the way things work around here." "There are so many things I want to talk to you about." "I know it must bother you to talk about this, but..." "Remember how good it felt when you quit, after you got out of rehab?" "Sure." "When I was with Mu Yang at yours, I didn't touch any." "I've quit once, so I know that feeling." "It's probably the only time in my entire life I'll ever really quit." "When you quit, you must have felt like you'd left that life behind." "So, why did you start using again?" "Simple." "There's a difference between being forced to quit and wanting to." "This time I really wanted to quit and I've quit for good." "If I kept on, I'd drive my parents over the edge." "My dad's already gone a bit mad." "He mumbles to himself now and worries about me all the time." "He won't let me smoke other people's cigarettes." "If I want to go out, he worries that I'm going for drugs." "If only I weren't so addicted to this stuff..." "I know the choice is mine." "I can keep on smoking this stuff and being miserable, or choose to be happy like other people and have a better life." "I think about it a lot, but I always decide to keep using." "I know it's the wrong choice but I make it because I'm confused." "Life seems so meaningless." "To tell the truth, I'm sick of living." "Hey, I know it's the wrong path." "Liang Yang, you know what a complicated relationship we have." "It's hard to explain." "We're more like family than lovers." "We love each other, but we're not in love." "We care about each other." "We've been through a lot together." "I'm always trying to help pull you up but you keep dragging me back down." "But that's not going to happen anymore." "I'm going to Dalian for a while." "When I get back, I'm not making any more sacrifices for anyone." "Remember how I started using?" "You were smoking it then, but I wasn't." "I tried to get you to quit, remember?" "You and Li Xin said you wanted to borrow 200 from me to buy a new mattress." "Then I caught you two smoking that shit." "You said, "So what?" Like it was no big deal." "I got so pissed." "I started using myself." "I'm an extremist, you know." "That's the way I am." "But now, I can't let other people influence me anymore." "Now that I'm out of it, I want to help you." "If you don't want my help," "I can't let you hold me back." "I've always been there for you but I can't keep pulling you up and having you pull me back down." "Because one day, you'll drag me down with you." "I must let go of your hand and keep on going." "All of my problems right now are because of this way of life." "I couldn't seem to change it." "That's when I started using smack." "I know this stuff isn't a solution." "Maybe it's just a temporary relief." "I can't seem to get control of my life." "Sometimes I wonder if I quit, what I'd do next?" "August 2000" "Liang Yang's mother" "This is how retired people live." "With a stool for a dining table and a meal of leftovers." "But I'm content." "This is my life." "There will always be the rich and the poor, the satisfied and the dissatisfied." "But no matter what, you go on living." "People should see this, don't you think?" "Poor people can be happy, too." "The only thing I worry about is Liang Yang." "I'm content to live like this, with my little stool and a dish of food, in my little kitchen, with the vegetables over there." "So are you going to quit?" "Yeah, but I want to take a little of that stuff with me." "I don't understand." "If you're quitting, why would you need it?" "How much for a gram these days?" "350." "350?" "That's the going price?" "Yeah." "Why don't you take 350 and buy some methadone with it instead?" "Are you going to spend it on methadone or use it to buy drugs?" "Don't you have any feelings?" "I'm up at 6:00, don't eat until 3:00." "There's no food in the house for me." "Do you even care that I go hungry?" "You're happy to just let me wait on you." "I practically have to beg you to eat." "Is this how I raised you?" "Are you finished nagging yet?" "Don't you have any self-respect?" "Your so-called "friends" are just helping you to die." "Whoever gives you money to buy that stuff will have to answer to me." "Friends treating each other to dinner once in a while," "I can understand." "But bringing each other drugs?" "Are you finished lecturing?" "You're in my house." "I'll lecture you all I want." "If you don't like it, leave." "Listen, I'll lend you money for meds, but not for smack." "Then why the fuck are we talking?" "Just tell me why you don't want meds." "I just don't want meds, that's all!" "You don't want meds, fine." "But I won't help you buy anything else." "This is a decision you have to make." "Think it over carefully." "If we force you into rehab, you'll start using when you're out." "We can't watch over you forever." "You think this approach is going to make me quit?" "Do you have a better idea?" "I did, but they didn't agree to it." "It won't work." "You've tried it before." "I said I'd go away for 3 months to quit on my own." "What's wrong with that?" "That's not going to help." "All right." "I'll go away for a year then." "It's still not going to work." "Can you sponge off people for a year?" "You've said this before." "I'm tired of all your bullshit!" "We don't have to help you, you know." "OK, so don't help me then." "Just leave." "Don't talk like that." "No, it's OK." "She's just angry." "You tricked me into coming back here." "Liang Yang, do you think they're doing this for fun?" "They're doing it for you and for me." "You know I'd give my life for yours." "Let's take her now." "OK." "Let's take her to the police." "Orjust let her go and get caught." "It'll save us a call." "If she gets arrested before the drug crackdown on July 6th, at least she'll save some money." "Then let me go!" "Get out of my way!" "At least let me give you taxi fare." "One-way." "You won't come back." "I don't need your damn money." "You know that if you go, you're dead." "They'll arrest you." "You know I'm right." "OK, so you're right." "I'm leaving now." "Fine." "Go and get yourself arrested." "We'll make a toast to your arrest." ""Hooray!" "The answer to our prayers!" ""Liang Yang got arrested!"" "But you have a choice." "They'll be easier on you if you turn yourself in." "You've still got time." "What bullshit!" "You've been hanging out with those cops too much." "You're turning into an asshole!" "If you've got something to say, say it." "Just don't feed me your bullshit." "Liang Yang, you've got to turn yourself in." "It's the only way." "Then call the cops right now!" "You know you can't quit on your own." "We tried decreasing your daily dose." "That didn't work." "Nothing's worked." "Why are you like this?" "Were you abused as a child?" "What the fuck!" "I wasn't abused." "You're always saying nobody cares." "But we all care about you." "Look at all of these friends." "They all want to help." "We don't want to turn you in but it's the only way." "We bought you methadone." "You wouldn't even take it." "You said you'd take it, then..." "I caught you trying to smoke it!" "We bought that with our hard earned money." "You'd better think about that." "What the hell are you doing?" "Just standing here." "You're not making things easier." " Get out of my way!" " Why are you fighting me?" "Get your hands off me!" "We're only trying to help you." "Don't make this any harder than it is." "Everybody cares about you." "Nobody wants to hurt you." "We are trying to find a way to help you but you won't let us." "Look what you're doing to your poor mother!" "It kills me to see you like this." "Stop!" "Enough already!" "Could you shut the hell up?" "I'll stop talking if you start listening to reason." "If you want to save my life, stop your nagging." "The stalemate continued all day." "We were worried that Liang Yang might attempt suicide again, so we gave her 300 yuan and left the decision up to her." "She could use it to buy methadone, or to buy heroin..." "Wang Lei and Mu Yang's band broke up, and the two were reduced to playing gigs in small bars to make a living." "Fang Lei stayed clean." "Lian Yang continued her search for meaning in life, or at least a reason to go on living." "Zhang Wei was sentenced to 3 years in a rural labour re-education camp." "In Sept. 2000, we heard from Wang Yi Nong." "Years of heroin abuse and an overdose had left him hospitalized." "He had massive kidney failure." "So, do you have a name for your film yet?" "Yeah, but no one likes it." "I thought of a good name for you." ""Paper Airplane"." ""Paper Airplane"?" "Why that name?" "A paper airplane is nothing more than a piece of folded paper." "Sometimes it flies pretty high." "But it never flies for long." "It always ends up crashing to the ground right back where it started." "It only flies once." "But what a price it pays for that one small chance to fly."