"[TiiresScreeching]" "[Chattering, Laughing]" "[Man On P.." "A. System] Tiheseminar willbegin in fiveminutes." "It willbein room "C. "" "[Man] So, uh, howabout Chow Yun Fat ?" "I don't know." "I love Chow Yun Fat." " I just don't see him playing Madman." " Awesome." "Thankyou." "[ Chattering ]" "Could you sign it:" ""To a really big fan" ?" "Uh, you bet." "I love this book, man." "This shit is awesome !" "I wish I was like these guys." "Gettin' stoned, talkin' all raw about chicks and fightin' supervillains !" "I love these guys !" "You know what." "They're like Bill and Ted... meet Cheech and Chong !" "Yeah." "I kind of like to think ofthem... as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern meet Vladimir and Estragon." "Yes !" "Who ?" "So, doyou, like, draw this or something ?" "[ Sighs ]" "I ink it, and I'm also the colorist." "The guy next to me draws it." "But we both came up with the characters." "Next !" "What does that mean, you "ink it" ?" "Well, it means that Holden draws the pictures in pencil." "And then he gives it to me to go over in ink." "Next !" "So, basically, youjust trace." "It's, uh, it's not tracing, all right ?" "I add depth and shading to give the image more definition." "Only then does the drawing truly take shape." "No, no, no." "You go overwhat he draws with a pen, all right ?" "That's tracing." "Not really." "Next." "Hey, man, let me askyou somethin'." "Somebody draws something and then you draw the exact same thing, like, righton top ofit withoutgoing outside the originaldesignatedart." "What doyou call that ?" " I don't know, man." "Tracing ?" " See ?" "You wantyour book signed orwhat ?" "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey !" "Don't get all testyjust because you got a problem with your station in life." "Oh, I'm secure with what I do." "Thenjust say it." "You're a tracer." "How should I sign this ?" "I don't wantyou to sign it, man." "I want the guywho draws Bluntman Chronictosignit." " You'rejust the tracer." " Tell him, little shaver." " Who do I sign it to ?" " [Crashing]" "[ Shouting Indistinctly] You fuckin' tracer !" "I'll trace a chalk line around your dead fuckin' body, you fuck !" "Would you get him outta here ?" "Hey, wait a second !" "Hejumped me !" "You fuckin' tracer !" "Your mother's a tracer !" "Can I explain the audience principle toyou ?" "Ifyou assault and accost them, then we have no audience." "He started it, fuckin' cock-knocker !" "He's lucky I didn't put my pen through his thorax !" "Need I remind you ?" "Curtain's in ten minutes." "Okay ?" "[Man On P.." "A.] Tihe Word's Up:" "Minority Voices in Comicspaneldiscussion..." " All right." "isabout tobegin in room "F. "" "Foryears in this industry... wheneveranAfrican-American character--hero or villain-- was introduced, usually, by white artistsandwriters, theygotslapped with racistnames... that singled them out as Negroes." "Now, mybook" "White Hatin'Coon-- don't have none ofthat bullshit." "The hero's name is Maleekwa, a descendant from the black tribe... that established the first society on the planet, whileyou European motherfuckers were still hiding' in caves and shit, allterrifiedofthesun." "He'sastrong rolemodelthat ayoungblack readercanlook up to, 'cause I'm here to tell ya:" "The chickens is comin' home to roost, y'all." "The black man's no longer gonna play the minstrel in comics and sci-fi fantasy." "We keepin' it real, and we gonna get respect by any means necessary." "Ah, come on !" "That's a bunch ofhorseshit !" "Lando Calrissian was a black guy, you know." "He got to fly the Millennium Falcon." "What's the matterwith you ?" " Who said that ?" " Idid." "Lando Calrissian is a positive role model in science-fiction fantasy." "Fuck Lando Calrissian !" "Uncle Tom nigger !" "Alwayssome whiteboy gotta invoke theholy trilogy." "Those movies are about how the white man keeps the brother man down... even in a galaxy far, far away." "Check this shit." "You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker" "Nazi poster boy-- blond hair, blue eyes-- and then you got Darth Vader." "The blackest brother in the galaxy" " Nubian guy." " What's a Nubian ?" " Shut the fuck up !" "Now, Vader, he's a spiritual brother, you know." "Down with the force and all that good shit." "Then this cracker" " Skywalker-- gets his hands on a light saber, and the boy decides he's gonna run the fuckin' universe." "Gets a whole Klan ofwhites together." "And they gonna bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star." "Now, what the fuck doyou call that ?" " Intergalactic civil war ?" " Gentrification !" "Tiheygonna drive out theblack element... to make the galaxy "safe" forwhite folks." "AndJedi's themost insulting installment!" "Because Vader's beautiful blackvisage is sullied... when he pulls offhis mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man." "Tihey're tryin'to tell us thatdeep inside weall wants tobe white!" "Well, isn't that true ?" " [ Audience Screaming ] - [Microphone Whining]" " Black rage !" "[Gunshot]" "Black rage !" "I'll kill anywhite folks..." "Ilaymymotherfuckin'eyes on!" ""What's a Nubian ?" Bitch, you almost made me laugh." "Man, what aboutyou ?" "You didn't tell meyou were gonna scream, " Black rage !"" "I nearly pissed myself." "How doyou manage to get away with this all the time ?" "I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting your head open right about now ?" " Wrong coast." " Well, this here, she full ofblanks." "And, uh, Opiate gets all sorts oflegal clearances before I go on." "Soyour publisher actually condones these theatrics ?" "Condones ?" "Honey, they insist." "I need to sell the image to sell the book." "Would the audience still buy the whole black rage angle... ifthey found out the book was written by a, a--you know." " Faggot ?" " When you say it, it sounds so sexy." "Hey, hey, hey !" "I'll playyourvictim, but notyour catcher, all right ?" "Hooper, howcomeyousoundlike Minister Farrakhan whenyou're onstage... and the king ofpop when you're not ?" "Look out, boys !" "This kitten has a whip !" "[ Alyssa ] Always before I get to speak, you dick." " [ Laughs ]" " I swear !" "Jesus !" "The next con I attend, and they ask me to be on the minority panel, ifI seeyour name anywhere near that list, I'm passing !" "Holden, Banky, thispile ofP.." "M.S. isAlyssaJones." "She does that book, IdiosyncraticRoutine." "Oh, I've read your book." "It's cute." "Chick stuff, but cute." "What ?" "Sorry about him." "He's, uh, he's dealing with being an inker." "Oh." "You trace." "I really likeyour book." "I'm surprised we never met at any other cons before." "Yeah, well, lose the dick or change the skin tone, and we can get to know each other on panel after panel." "Tiheseboys do Bluntman  Chronic, which outsellsboth ofourbooksput together." "Hence, they're never on the panel with the likes ofus." "They slummin' it right now." "I promised Alyssa I'd buy her a post-rave drink." "Do the Garden Staters have to sprint to the Lincoln Tunnel, or can you stay for a round in the big, scary city ?" " We're gonna go" " We'll take" "[ Sighs ] We'll go." "[Banky] Archie." "Allright ?" "Archie and the Riverdale gang were a pure and fun-lovin' bunch." "You can't find dysfunction in those comics." "Theywere flat-out wholesome." " Archie andJughead were lovers." " Shut the fuck up !" "It's true." "Archie was thebitch, andJugheadwas thebutch." "That's whyJughead wears that crown-lookin' hat all the time." "He the king of Queen Archie's world." "Man, I feel a hate crime comin' on." "Well, you know, he does have a point." "I mean, Archie never did quite settle on Betty orVeronica." "'Cause he wanted them both at the same time, you assholes !" "He didn't choose one, because he was trying to get them into a three-way." " Here." " What ?" "I wantyou to go down to the corner store and buyyourselfa clue." " Go on." " Eatit, Urkel." "Uh !" "I done told you to watch it with that Urkel shit." "Face it, girl." "Archie's a sister." " That's it." "You !" " Moi?" "Yeah, you." "You are marching back across the street with me, and we're gonna pick up a shitload ofArchie books." "And I'm going to prove toyou beyond the shadow ofa doubt... that Archie is all about pussy." " Come on !" " [ Laughs ]" "This boy is conflicted." "I shall play mother therapist for him." "You two sit tight." "We shall return promptly." "Is he always like that ?" "Who, him ?" "Yeah." "Ever since the third grade." "This, uh, this nun was teaching us about the Blessed Trinity, you know ?" "She was going on and on about the three persons in one God thing." "Father, Son, the Holy Spirit." "Bankyjust goes ballistic on her." "They got in this huge fight." "An eight-year-old kid ?" "How bad could it have been ?" "Well, haveyou ever seen a nun call a small child a "fucking cunt-rag" ?" "It wasn't pretty." "Shit like that's bound to happen... when you make a kid wear a matching tie and slacks every day." "Right." "And your parochial school misadventures ?" "Oh, mostly limited to wine-tasting prior to mass." "Turned me into a grade school alcoholic altar boy though." "Can't tell you how many mornings after serious benders..." "I'd wake up next to strange priests." " Aren'tyou the sharp wit ?" " Sharp ?" "No." "I'm just a fan of clergy-molestation humor." "Probablywhy the extended family quit inviting me to first communion parties." "Tsk." "You play darts ?" "Uh, not professionally." "You know, only in bars." "[Alyssa] Idon'tknow." "Maybe Ishould justsign one ofthose exclusive deals likeyouguys." "Your new book seems to be selling like mad." "Well, it all goes back to somethin' my grandmother told me when I was a kid." "" Holden," she said, "the big bucks are in dick and fartjokes."" " She was a churchgoer." " Oh !" "The cry from the heart ofa real artist trapped in commercial hell, pitying his good fortune." "I'm sureyou can dryyour eyes on all those fat checks you rake in." "Oh, I'm sorry." "What was that ?" "Did I detect a note ofbitter envy in there ?" "No, I'm happy my stuff gets read at all." "There's very little market for hearts and flowers... in this spandex-clad, big pecs, big tits, big guns field." "IfI sell two issues, I feel likeJohn Grisham." "Well, it's all about marketing." "Over- or underweight guys that don't get laid." "They're our bread and butter." "People like those two outside should beyours." "Andsadly, therearemore ofourcoreaudience." "Kind ofgives you a charge though." "See two people like that in love." "And all over Banky's car, no less." "You know, that car's seeing more action right now than it's seen in years." " Bubbly guy." "It's hard to figure out." " Yeah." "You gotta respect that kind ofdisplay ofaffection." "You know what I mean ?" "Sure, it's crazy." "It's rude." "It's self-absorbed." "But, uh, you know, it's love." " It's not love." " Oh, says you." "That out there ?" "That's fleeting." " Fleeting ?" " Mm-hmm." "Well, Igotta split." "It was really nice meeting you." "Good luckwith your book." "Tell Hooper I'll call him later." "And... tell your friend to calm down." "[Hooper] Shutupalready." "Youshutup !" "You're insane." "Archie is not fucking Mr. Weatherbee !" "Deny, deny, deny." " Where's Alyssa ?" " She left, said she'd call you later." "Look, he'sjust offering to help Archie with his fuckin' homework !" "Read between the lines, bitch." "Fuck this." "Let's go." "Traffic." " Holden !" " What ?" " Let's go !" " See that dent in the hood ofyour car?" "Son ofa bitch !" "Let me guess." "You like her." " Who ?" " Miss AlyssaJones." " She's all right." " As long as that's all." "[Rap, Indistinct]" "This is one ofthe best streetlights you've ever drawn." "It's the one from across the street from the post office." " Looksjust like it." " Thanks." "So, uh, what doyou want to do tonight ?" "I don't know." "Get a pizza." "Watch DegrassiJuniorHigh." "You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama." "I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot."" " [ Phone Rings, Beeps ]" " Bank Holdup." "Hooper here." "Listen, I know how you 'burb fiends hate the city, but there's a club shindig goin' down tonight I thinkyou'd really get into." " Where is it ?" " Meow Mix." "I'm temping as barkeep." "Oh, I don't know, Hoop." "We're prepping the next issue." "We got that stupid meeting in the morning." " I told heryou wouldn't be interested." " Told who ?" "Alyssa." "Alyssa from last night Alyssa ?" "How doyou begin and end a question with the same word like that ?" "You got skill." "Yes, that one !" "She asked me to inviteyou." "Now, here's the part whereyou say" " I'll be there." " Thought so. 1 0:00." "Later." " Who was that ?" " Hooper." "He invited me to a club." "Man, when's that faggot gonna learn ?" "You like chicks." " Not that kind ofclub." " So when we leavin' ?" "We ?" "You can't go." "He's hookin' me up with Alyssa." " And ?" " And I don't wantyou messing it up." "I care aboutyour shit." "Maybe I'll hook up myself." "I told you." "It's not that kind ofclub." "How does one man get to be so funny ?" "Look, howyougonnaget home when Ihook up, huh ?" " Like that'll happen." " Let me explain, mywitless chum." "The other night, we two, Alyssa and I, we, uh, well, we shared a moment." " Oh, you had a moment." " No." "We shared a moment, all right ?" "And in that moment, one thing was made abundantly clear." "This girl loves me, my friend." "Loves me." "You know what I'm sayin' ?" "[ Humming ] Ah, who's your daddy now" "Come on." "Mmm." "[ Humming ]" " Ah" " Shut up !" "It's your birthday It's your birthday" "Go, Sheila, it'syourbirthday Go, Sheila, It'syourbirthday" "All right." "Bring on the free hootch." "Free ?" "Ididn'tinviteyour tiredass." "So, where'syourbetterhalf?" "Takin' a piss." "The guy's got a bladder like an infant." "That's funny." "He says you're hung like an infant." "Does his mother tell him everything ?" " Hey !" " What'd you do, fall in love ?" " Where is she ?" " Over there." "Lookatherinhernetshirt." "Been dancing'foranhour." "Hasn'tstoppedyet." "She ain't no DeneyTerrio, I'll say that." "Listen, ifI'm not back byTuesday, call my mother." "All right ?" "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "There's somethin' you should know." " She got a boyfriend ?" " Well, no." "Then what's to know, my friend ?" "[ Grunts ] What's to know ?" "[Rap, Indistinct]" "Hey, lady !" "You fucked up my cabbage patch !" "Well, well, well, ifit isn't Bluntman himself, or should I call you Chronic ?" "Call me flattered." "I heard you sent me the invite to this little soiree." "From a former hometown girl to Mr. Hometown himself." " You're saying you're from the 'burbs ?" " Middletown, NewJersey" " Get outta here !" "I'm from Highlands !" " I know." "Hooper told me." "How is it that we never ran into one another ?" " Did you graduate from Hudson ?" " Yeah, '88." " I went to North." " What a small fuckin' world." " Soyou know the tri-town area ?" " Quiz me." " Miller Hill ?" " I wrote my name on the wall." " Sandy Hook ?" " Lost myvirginity there." " This is so cool." "The mall ?" " Eton preppy or Menlo Park ?" "Oh, no." "Here's the big test." "Quick Stop ?" "My best friend fucked a dead guy in the bathroom." " You know that girl ?" " I did, before she was committed." "There's a lot ofchicks in this place." "Chicks ?" "You're such a man." "You know what this is ?" "This is fate." "No, this is "The Rog." [ Laughs ]" "I'm talking about us meeting." "What are the chances ?" "Pretty slim." "I haven't been back to the 'burbs since my friend's funeral." " The Quick Stop girl died ?" " Uh-uh." "Another girl." "Julie Dwyer." "She died in the" " The YMCA pool !" "Damn !" " You knew her too ?" " So well." "Wow !" "One friend in the asylum, the other friend in the grave." " You're a dangerous person to know." " Ah, but I can tap." "[Shoes Tiapping]" " That's the Buffalo two-step." " Yeah, well, it's very solid." "That's what sixyears oftap lessons yields." "Two towns away from each other foryears, we had to meet in New York." "Could have been worse." "Could have not met at all." "[Cheering, Applause]" "Okay, we're back." "Tihankyou." "Tihankyou." "So, a long time ago, we used to have this bass player, who took offone day to draw funny books or something." "Maybeyou've heard ofher stuff ?" "IdiosyncraticRoutine ?" "But whatalotofpeople don'tknow... is that she used to harbor these delusions that she could sing, and she used to subject us to throaty renditions of Debbie Gibson tunes." "[ Crowd Laughing ]" "So, she's here tonight, and I think ifwe all beg her... or maybe offer her some "X,"" "she'll come up here and treat us to some ofhervocal stylings." "What doya say, Alyssa ?" " Yeah !" " [ Crowd Cheering ]" "Oh, she's shy !" "Get up here and sing, bitch !" "All right !" "Go." "Go up there." "Whoo !" "Whoo !" "Yea !" "[ Laughs ]" "What am I doing here ?" "This is so fucking gay." "She is such a cunt." "You guys know the one I wanna do, right ?" "All right." "I should dedicate this, right ?" "This is for that someone special out there." "Ready ?" "I'm feelin' awful" "But all alone" "Just missing' someone" "Idon'tevenknow" "ButuntilIfindhim" "I'll wait patiently" "Just feelin' nothin'" "Inside ofme" "And where areyou, baby" "Where canyoube" "Why aren'tyou here" "Lovin' me" "'Cause I want to kiss you" "Andmakeyoufeelright" "I want tolay withyou" "All through thenight" "And I wanna feel passion I wanna feel pain" "I wanna weep at the sound ofyour name" "Come make me laugh or come make me cry" "Just make me feel alive" "Andso I'll wait" "For that glorious day" "When the one I dream of" "Comes my way" "Andwhen ourlips touch" "So tenderly" "I know I'll feel somethin'" "Inside ofme" "I wanna feel passion I wanna feel pain" "I wanna weep at the sound ofyour name" "Comemakemelaugh orcomemakeme cry" "Justmakeme feel" "Alive" "Yeah !" "Whoo !" "Whoo !" "[BandResumes]" "Hot !" "Now, that, my friend, is a shared moment." " What ?" " It's rude." "When are we gonna get a chance to see this shit live without payin' for it ?" " Sorry." "It'sjust new to him." " Oh, and you're an old hand at this ?" "No, no, I should apologize." "I don't normally get all mushy in public, but it's been a while since I've seen Kim here." "You know what ?" "I wanna dance." "Go ahead." "I'll watch from here." "No !" "I wanna dance with you !" "Don'tbearag." "Ihave tosithereand work up the desire to fuckyoulater." "Please !" "Yes ?" "You said "fuck." She said "fuck."" "You said "fuck" to that girl." "You said thatyou'd fuck her." " And ?" " How can a girl fuck another girl ?" "Wereyou talking about strap-ons or something ?" " Oh,Jesus." "Would you shut up ?" " What ?" "It's okay." "I don't know how many times I can apologize for him." "No, Banky, I've never used a strap-on." "Then what's with saying "fuck" ?" "Shouldn'tyou say "eat her out" or modify the term "fuck" with "fist" ?" "Let me askyou a question." "Can men fuck each other ?" " You asking for my permission ?" " In your estimation." "Sure." "So, foryou, to fuck is to penetrate." "You're used to the more traditional definition." "You, inside some girl you've duped,jackhammerin' away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes." "Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, all right ?" "Fucking is not limited to penetration, Banky." "For me, it describes any sex when it's not totally about love." "I don't love Kim, but I'll fuck her." "I'm sureyou don't love every girl you sleep with." "Some ofthem I downright loathe." "Aha, but I'll bet it's different with the ones you do love." "Like, you'llgo down on 'em longer." " Here we go." " I don't do that." " What ?" " I stopped." "It got to be frustrating." "As stupid as you usually come off during this little diatribe ofyours, you're gonna come offten times as stupid on this occasion." "I lost my tolerance for the baggage that comes with eating girls out." "What's the big deal ?" "Ifyou say the smell, so help me, I will slug you." "Not the smell." "The smell is good." "I'm talkin' about not being able to do it properly." "My mother brought me up to believe... ifI can't do something right, I shouldn't do it at all." "Ofcourse, my father told me she gave lousy head, but that's beside the point." "Well, at leastyou blameyourself foryour sexual inadequacies." "No." "I blame them." "Chicks never helpyou out." "They never tell you what to do, right ?" "And most ofthem are all self-conscious about the smell factor." "And, so, mostofthe time, they justlay there frozenlikea deerinheadlights." "I mean, not for nothin', but when a chick goes down on me," "I let her know where to go and what the status is." "You gotta handle it like CNN and the Weather Channel." "Constant updates." " You are such an idiot." " [ Growls ]" "No, no, he's got a point." "I mean, that's how I was in high school." "You know, all nervous and inhibited about being eaten out." "But by the time I got to college, that all changed." "I've loosenedup." "I was like one ofthose guys at the airport with those big flashlights, waving' 'em this way, directing' 'em that way, tellin' 'em when to stop." "And that's all I'm sayin'." "It would be different ifchicks helped out." "You know, pointed a guy in the right direction." "There'd be no bullshit, no wasted time and no chance for permanent injuries." "Permanent injuries ?" "Sure." "You wanna see somethin' permanent ?" " See that ?" " Uh-huh." "I got that from Nina Rollins, sophomoreyear." "I'm goin' down on her, right ?" " [ Moaning ]" " Outofnowhere, hercat jumps onher." "She does this big pelvic thrust, cracks my tooth and sends it down my throat." "I had to get a crown for the stub." "I got that beat." "I got that beat." "Junioryear, I'mgoin'down on Cynthia Slaterinherdorm room." "I'm totally drunk, and in the middle ofit, I fall asleep right in her lap." "Shegotsomad, she digsherheelintomyback." "Ow !" "Right there." "That's permanent." "Allright." "Allright." "See this ?" "That's the farthest I can move my neck to the right." "Again, sophomoreyear, I'm goin' out with Brandy Svining." "And for six months, I'm goin' down on her." "Not a damn thing's happening." "So, one night, I change a position orvary my lapping speed, and suddenly it's a whole new world." "She's movin' around, convulsing, breathing heavy, and her legs are pressed up against my ears so tightly... thatIdon'thearherfather comeinto theroom." "He grabs my hair and pulls me way back, hard." "Senioryear, spring formal." "I'm eatin' out Missy Kurt in her brother's car." "She's layin' across the backseat." "I'm halfhangin' out, knees on the ground." "She's flailing' around, and she-- she knocks the parking brake off." "The car starts rolling down the hill." "And my left knee is cut up to shit... like a kiddy's scissors class cut it up for paper dolls !" "[Laughing Continues]" "Whoa !" "Hey !" "Look at the time." "We gotta" " We gotta beat that traffic, huh ?" "What traffic ?" "It's 1 :30 in the morning." "Andrushhour starts insixhours." "Let'sgo." "Uh, thanks for inviting us out." "It was educational." "Come on." "Sinceyou like chicks, right, youjust look atyourselfnaked in the mirror all the time ?" "[Holden] Look, here's the deal." "When wegetin there, don'tbea complete P.otzer, likelastnight." "Tihis isbusinessnow, okay ?" "Oh, why areyou in such a bad mood ?" "Still dwelling on that dyke ?" " Hey, knock it off, will you ?" " What'd I tell you ?" "Shejust needs the right guy." "All everywoman reallywants is some serious deep-dicking." " [P.hone Ringing]" " Sorry." "See, that's why I can't buy lesbians." "Everyone needs dick." "See, I can buy fags, a bunch ofguys that need dick." "You know,just plain need it." "That I get." "Dykes ?" "Bullshit posturing." "But, live and let live, I guess." "I'm sure the gay community appreciates your support." "We'd like to start offby saying that it is a real pleasure to finally meetyou." "Absolute pleasure." "One ofthereasons westartedthis whole thing was to finallymeet theguys... that do Bluntman  Chronic." " [ Together] Snootchie bootchies !" " Huh ?" "Whichnowbrings us to ourproposal." "Look, fellas, the days of Butt-Head are over." "We're interested in doing 1 2 half-hour Bluntman  Chronic cartoons." "Whatdoyousay ?" "Are we in business ?" "[Knocking Gently] -[TV] Tiheboy wonder." "[TV] BatmanandRobin, the dynamic duoagainstcrimeandcorruption." "Yeah, hi." "Somebody told me they make comic books here, which isso weird, because Ihave this greatidea forastory." "It's about a guywho comes to this club and-- [ Whistles ] hightails it when he finds out" "Ready for this ?" "This girl is gay." "Any interest in a story like that ?" " An animated series ?" " Twelve episodes." " Well, that's great, isn't it ?" " Banky seems to think so." " Butyou don't." " Well, I" "I don't know ifthat's the perception I want people to have ofourwork." "I know this sounds pretentious as hell, but..." "I'd like to think ofus as artists, you know ?" "I'd like to get back to doing something more personal, like our first book." "Well, when areyou gonna do that ?" "When we have something personal to say." "I weirded you out the other night." "Uh, no, not really." " Oh, come on !" " Well, it'sjust" "I'd never seen that kind ofthing up close and personal before." "Itjust took a while to process." "You wanna talk about it ?" "Ifyou want to." "I likeyou, Holden." "I haven't liked a man in a long time." "And it's not because I'm a man-hater or something like that." "It's justbeensome timesince I've been exposedtoaman thatdidn't... immediately live into a stereotype ofsome sort." "And I wantyou to feel comfortable with me, because I'd really like us to be friends." "So ifthere's anything you wanna know, it's okay to ask me." " Okay." " Okay." "Okay." "Why girls ?" " Why men ?" " Well, because that's the standard." "Ifthat's the only reason you're attracted to women" "No, it's more than that." "Soyou've never been curious about men ?" "Curious ?" "Well, I always wondered why my fatherwatched Hee Haw, but-  [ Laughs ] You know what I mean." " No." " Why not ?" " No interest." " Because ?" " Girls feel right." "Well, that's how I feel." "You know, I've never really been attracted to men." " Well, so, you're still a virgin then ?" " No." "Butyou've only been with girls." "Soyou're saying a person is a virgin... until they've had intercourse with a member ofthe opposite sex." "Isn't that the standard definition ?" "Again with your standards." "I thinkvirginity is lost when you make love for the first time." " With a member ofthe opposite sex." " Why ?" "Why only then ?" "Because that's the standard." "What doyou want me to tell ya ?" "So ifa virgin is raped, then she's still a virgin ?" " No, ofcourse not." " But rape is not the standard." "So she's had sex, but not the standard idea ofsex." "Hence, according toyour definition, she'd still be a virgin." " Okay, fine, I'll revise." " Uh-huh." "[ Clears Throat ] Virginity is lost when the hymen is broken." " Then I lost myvirginity at ten." " Really ?" "'Cause, see, I fell on a fence post when I was ten, and it broke my hymen." "Okay." "Second revision." "Virginity is lost through penetration." "Physical penetration or emotional." " Emotional penetration ?" " Mmm." "I fell in love hard with Caitlin Bree when we were in high school." "Physical penetration." " We had sex." " Yeah, but not real sex." "I move to have that remark stricken from the record, on account ofit makes you come off as completely naive and infantile." "Well, where's the penetration in lesbian sex ?" "I" "A finger ?" "I've had my finger up my ass." "I wouldn't say I've had anal sex." "Observe." "You're kidding me !" "How ?" "Our bodies are built to pass a child, for Christ's sake." "Yeah, butImean--Jesus !" "Doesn't thathurt ?" " Sure, but in that good way." " Oh." "And it's only a once-in-a-while thing reserved for really special occasions." " How about not-so-special occasions ?" " Tongue only." "Well, but see" " Come on." "That's what I'm sayin'." "It's like, how can that be enough ?" "How big can a tongue really get ?" "My God." "[ Laughs ] Let's go." "Come on." "Come on." "You're really gonna have to give me a minute, I think." "[Holden] Wouldyoustop futzing with your fuckin'bag ?" "We're latealready." "[Banky]Ihave togetsomething." " Look, man, wemiss this train," "I'mgonnashitcanyou and justhire CharlesSchulz." "Oh, myGod." "Whoareyou ?" "Larry Fucking Flynt ?" " What areyou gonna do with all those ?" " Read the articles." "What doyou think I'm gonna do with 'em ?" "They're stroke books, stupid." "You got, like, 30 books in there." "We're only gonna be gone for two days." "Variety is the spice oflife." "I like a wide selection." "Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups." "Sometimes I like 'em arty and airbrushed." "Sometimes it's a spread brown-eye kind ofnight." " Sometimes it's girl-on-girl time." "[Beeping]" "Sometimes a steamy letterwill do." "Sometimes, not often, but sometimes..." "I like the idea ofa chickwith a horse." "Go get our tickets." "I gotta call Alyssa." " His master's voice." " Put that stuffaway !" "Hi." "[Coins Clattering]" "[ Alyssa ] One minute, five seconds." "Ah, you are such my bitch." "What's up ?" "I'm about to get on a train." " Oh !" "Why ?" " Last-minute invite to the Boston Con." " Shit." " What ?" "Well, my sister's at my parents', and I was gonna go see her." " The one that wrote the book ?" " Yeah." "But I was stayin' all weekend." "I wanted to hang out with you." "This sucks." "You know, um, both ofus don't have to go." " Really ?" " Yeah." "Banky can do this by himself." "I mean, you know, it's not like we're on a panel." "It'sjust a signing appearance." "Ifyou come pick me up, I'll beyour best friend." "Where's your apartment ?" "And then Black Beauty couldn't take it any longer, and he finally did some ofhis own mounting." "What areyou doing ?" "I think I want kids ofmy own one day." "They're fun." "Listen to me." "I'm not going." "You're gonna have to do this one byyourself." " What ?" "Why ?" " Alyssa's comin' down for the weekend." "I'm gonna hang out with her." "You don't need me for this." "Look, I'll take the bags." "You can, uh, keep the filth." "I'll pickyou up at 9:00 Sunday night." "Don't forget to plug the annual, and don't mention the TV show, okay ?" "Call me ifyou get bored." "[Man] Allaboard!" "Explain this again." "How could you have grown up on the shore and never played skee-ball ?" "What did you do with youryouth ?" "Stayed out late, smoked pot, screwed around." "Notyour grade school years, your high school years." " This looks complicated." "Jesus." "Potzer, uh" " The premise is very basic, okay ?" " Uh-huh." "Youroll theball up therampartinan effort topopitinto thescore circle." "Tihehigherthescore, themoreprize ticketsyouget." "Well, what doyou do with the prize tickets ?" "You trade them in for prizes, which are not worth nearly as much as you've paid to play the game." " Well, what's the point ?" " It's fun." "And you question my lifestyle." "[Coat Clatters On Floor]" " Observe." "See ?" "It'sjust that simple." "Well, why notjust walk up there and put it in the 50 every time" " Well, where's the skill in that ?" " Oh, this is a skill." "I'm sorry." "I had no idea." "Just toss one." "[Ball Tihuds, Man Groans]" "Uh, I'm sorry there, man." "She's a little new at this." "Thanks." "Thanks a lot." "Underhand, okay ?" "Throw it underhand." "And this is whereyou take straight chicks on dates." "This place is like Spanish fly." "This will probably be the first time I don't score afterward." "I don't know." "I'm starting to get a tingle in my bottom." " Ten." " Very nice." " So, what'd you do last night ?" " Got laid." "[ Machine Clattering ]" "Some more ofthat, uh, skill you were tellin' me about ?" "Inever willregret this" "Inever will, never will Never willregret this" "Never willregret this" "Inever will, never will Never willregret this" "Well, give us today andI'm notscaredtosay" "I'm afraid" "Yes, Ihave a couple ofhesitations" "AndI'll open the door" "AndI wonder ifshemightcomein" "Anddoyoureallyneed aninvitationnow" "'Cause I think I'm feeling reallysomething today" "Yes, I think Ifeel alittle spark, hey" "[Alyssa]Areyousure that controlls working, Banky ?" "I thoughtyou lived in the city." "It's like the umpteenth time I've seen ya here." "Isn't that grounds for the little pink mafia to throwyou outta their club ?" "Hey !" "That's the last time." "I think Ifeel alittle spark, hey" "A little jumpstart Never will forget this" "Inever will, never will Never will forget this" "Never will forget this" "Inever will, never will Never will forget this" "Never will forget this" "Inever will, never will Never will forget this" "Never will forget this" "Inever will, never will Never will forget this" "[ Sighs ]" "[Video Game Beeps]" " Wow." "How bad doyou suck ?" "[Video Game Beeps]" " How was your pseudo date ?" " Leave it alone." " That chick bugs me." " No, everyone bugs you." " Get off !" "[Video Game Whirring]" " Fuckin' faggot." "Did you see that ?" "Your dyke-courting ass just got me scored on." "You know, you should watch that, man." "Ifyou're gonna get so bent outta shape while playing the game-- so much so thatyou feel the need to curse the TV-- try not to gay bash it, all right ?" "You're not that kind ofguy." "And don't call her a dyke." "She's a lesbian." "Okay ?" "What the fuck is goin' on here ?" " I'm starting a new page ?" " Not with this shit !" "With you !" "What the fuck is goin' on with you and that girl ?" " We'rejust friends !" " She's programming you !" "I beg your pardon ?" "Programming ?" "Yeah, and apparentlyyou don't even fuckin' realize it." "What does it matter ifI refer to her as a dyke ?" "Or ifI call the Whalers faggots in the privacy ofmy own office... far from the sensitive ears ofthe rest ofthe world ?" "Look, man, it's passive-aggressive gay bashing." "And I knowyou're not really prejudiced at heart." "I thinkyou should find some otherway to express your anger is all I'm saying." "[ Sighs ]" "[ Sighs ] What areyou doing ?" "Just bearwith me here." "I want to putyou through this little exercise." "All right, now, see this ?" "This is a four-way road, okay ?" "And dead in the center is a crisp, new hundred-dollar bill." "Now, at the end ofeach ofthese streets are four people." "Okay ?" "You following ?" " Yeah." " Good." "Over here we have a male-affectionate, easy-to-get-along-with, nonpolitical-agenda lesbian." "Down here we have a man-hating, angry-as-fuck, agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke." "Over here we got Santa Claus, and up here, the Easter Bunny." "Which one is going to get to the hundred-dollar bill first ?" " What is this supposed to prove ?" " No, I'm serious." "This is a serious exercise." "It's like an S.A.T. question." "Which one is going to get to the hundred-dollar bill first ?" "Tihemale-friendlylesbian ?" "Tiheman-hating dyke ?" "Santa Claus orthe EasterBunny ?" " The man-hating dyke." " Good." " Why ?" " I don't know." "Because the other three are figments ofyour fucking imagination !" "I don't need this." "I'll be hiding from your fuckin' shit in my room." " What ?" " What is it about this girl, man ?" "You knowyou have no shot at getting her into bed !" "Why doyou bother wasting time with her ?" " Becauseyou're Holden Fucking McNeil." " Right." "Most persistent traveler on the road." "That's not the path ofleast resistance." "Everything's gotta be a fuckin' challenge foryou." "And this little relationship with that bitch... is a prime example ofyour fucking condition." "Well, I don't need a magic eight ball to look intoyour future." "You want a forecast ?" "Here." "Will Holden ever fuckAlyssa ?" "Oh, what a shock." "Not fucking likely." "This relationship is affecting you, ourwork and our friendship." "The time's gonna come when I throw down the gauntlet and say, "It's me or her."" " Then what areyou gonna say ?" " I sayyou should let this one go !" "No." "What would you say ?" "Would you trash 20 years offuckin' friendship... becauseyou've got some idiotic notion... that this chickwould even letyou sniffher panties, let alone fuck her ?" "Look, fuckin' asshole, I'm telling you, okay ?" "Let it go !" "What the fuck, man ?" "What the fuck makes this bitch all that important ?" "'Cause I'm fuckin' in love with her, man, okay ?" "[ Whispers ] Fuck." " Well, I thoughtit was love" " Tihoughtit was love" "'Causemyheart" "[Continues, Indistinct]" "Wish you were the one being pursued for the cartoon." "Oh, really ?" "Yeah, then maybeyou could sell out and pick up a check every once in a while." "We're leaving ?" "Well, it's not like this is a bed and breakfast." "I've got a little business to conduct." "Hello there." "Let me askyou a question." "Areyou an authorized deal maker in this establishment ?" "Doyou have the power to negotiate ?" "You wanna haggle over the price ofyour French dip ?" "No, I wanna haggle over the price offine art." " What doyou mean ?" " There." "By the kitchen." "See ?" "Tihatpainting." " What about it ?" " The price tag says 75." " So ?" " Tell meyou're kidding." " I'll giveyou 50." " [ Scoffs ]" "Manuel, could you bring the Dyksiezski down offthe wall, please ?" "My new Dyksiezski." " Where areyou gonna hang it ?" " I'm not." "You are." "Oh ?" "You want me to hang it foryou ?" "You better hope it doesn't get out to the girl nation... you needed a man to helpyou hang a picture." "No, no, no." "You're going to hang it in your house." " Yeah, right." " I'm serious." " Why ?" " Because it's captured the moment." "It'll be a constant reminder, notjust oftonight, but ofour introduction, ofthe building ofour friendship, everything." "Make no mistake about it, my friend, it is a gift from me toyou, soyou'll always remember us." "[KeysJingle, Engine Off]" "Why are we stopping ?" " Because I can't take this." " Can't take what ?" "I loveyou." "[Tihunderclap]" "You love me ?" "I loveyou and not, not in a friendlyway." "Although, I think we're great friends." "And not in a misplaced affection, puppy dog way." "Although, I'm sure that's whatyou'll call it." "Iloveyou." "Very" "Very simple." "Very truly." "You are the epitome ofeverything I have ever looked for in another human being." "And I know thatyou think ofme asjust a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option... you would ever consider, but-- [ Sighs ] I had to say it." "I just-- I can't take this anymore." "Ican'tstandnext toyou without wanting toholdyou." "Ican't" " Ican'tlookinto your eyes withoutfeeling that-- thatlongingyouonlyreadabout in trashyromancenovels." "I can't talk toyou without wanting to express my love for everything you are." "And I know this will probably queer our friendship-- no pun intended" "[Sighs] butIhadtosayit." "'Cause I've never felt this way before." "And I don't care." "I like who I am because ofit." "And ifbringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me." "But, God, I just" " I couldn't allow another day to go by... without justgettingitout there, regardless ofthe outcome, which, by the look on your face, is to be the inevitable.... shoot down." "And, you know, I'll accept that." "But I know" " I know that some part ofyou is hesitating for a moment." "Andifthere'samomentofhesitation, then thatmeansyoufeelsomething too." "And all I ask, please, is thatyoujust-- youjust not dismiss that and try to dwell in it forjust ten seconds." "Ah." "[Sighs] Alyssa." "There isn't another soul on this fucking planet... who has ever made me halfthe person I am when I'm with you." "And I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau, because it is there between you and me." "Youcan'tdeny that." "Even if, you know" "Even ifwe never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed... because ofwhoyou are and whatyou've meant to me, which, while I do appreciate it," "I'd never need a painting ofbirds bought at a diner to remind me of." "[ Whispers ] Oh, God." "Was it something I said ?" "[ Whispers ] Fuck." "[TihunderRumbling]" " What areyou doing ?" " Get in the car and get outta here !" " You're gonna hitch to New York ?" " Yep !" " Aren'tyou at least gonna comment ?" " Here's my comment:" "Fuckyou !" " Why ?" " That was so unfair." "You know how unfair that was." "What ?" "It's unfair that I'm in love with you ?" "No, it's unfortunate thatyou're in love with me." "It's unfairyou felt the fuckin' need to unburden your soul about it." "Doyou remember for one fucking second who I am ?" "So ?" "I mean, you know, people change." "Oh !" "Oh !" "It's that simple !" "You fall in love with me and want a romantic relationship." "Nothing changes foryou... with the exception offeeling hunky-dory all the time." "But what about me, Holden ?" "It's not that simple !" "I just can't get into a relationship with you... without throwing mywhole fucking world into upheaval." "That's every relationship." "There's always gonna be a period ofadjustment." "Period ofadjustment ?" "There's no period ofadjustment, Holden !" "I am fucking gay !" "That's who I am !" "You assume I can turn all that around becauseyou've got a fucking crush ?" "Ifthis is a crush," "I don't think I could take it ifthe real thing ever happened." "Go home, Holden." "[TihunderRumbling]" "[ Cries ]" "[TihunderRumbling]" "[RadioAnnouncer] You'reback with ChazandStuandthe NewZoo Review." "Asalwaysbehindus wegot wacky-- [Radio Continues, Indistinct]" "[DoorSlams]" "I take it that's not good." "[ Sighs ] Stay here." "Be right back." "[ Groans ]" "Catholic schoolgirls." "Tihe uniform 's whatdoesitforme." "I wish I'd went withmore Catholicschoolgirls when I wasakid." "As it stands, I have no "And then she unzipped herjumper" stories." "You seemed weirded-out back there." " That's my couch you were fucking on." " Sorry." "I wanted to watch some TV." "Hard to do when your best friend is... wrapped around a naked rug-muncher on your couch." "She had boxers on." " [ Sighs ] This is all gonna end badly." " You don't know that." "I knowyou." "You're way too conservative for that girl." "She's been around and seen things we've only read about in books." "We have read about them, so we're prepared." "There's no "we" here." "You're gonna have to go through this alone." "It's one thing to read about shit, something different when you're forced to deal with it on a regular basis." "When you are walking in a mall and your heads turn at a nice-looking chick, it's gonna eatyou up inside." "You'll spend most ofyour time wondering when the other shoe's gonna drop." "'Cause foryou this isn't about cool, weird sex stuff." "It's about love." "Maybe it is for her as well." "Somehow I doubt it." "Everybody's not out to get someone in life, Bank." "Everybody has an agenda, all right ?" "Everyone." "Yourself?" " My agenda is to watch your back." " To what end ?" "To insure that all this time we've spent together, building something, wasn't wasted." "Oh, she's not gonna ruin the comic." "I wasn't talkin' about the comic." "[ Sighing ] I'm gonna go get a bagel." "Clean offmy fucking couch so I can watch TV." "[ Sighs ]" "From what I understand, when you sign with a publisher... someone else does all this work foryou, and youjust sit back and collect." "And miss these late-night cram sessions with my nearest and dearest ?" "Never." "Idon'tknow whatshe'sbitchingabout." "All she's done since we got here is pound Merlot." "Yeah, you're a real help." "I'd like to know whywe're here at all... when we haven't seen Princess Funny Book in a month." " Yeah." "Whoyou shackin' up with ?" " "Shacking up with" ?" "Please." "[ Giggling ] I'm so in love !" "[ All ] Ohh !" "Iknow, Iknow." "Ifeellikesuchagoon, butIcan'thelpit." " We have such a great time together." " Who is it ?" "Someoneyou guys don't know." "That chickyou left the restaurant with that night." "They're not from around here." "Don't even tell me you met her down the shore." "Ew, a bridge-and-tunnel Jersey dyke." " With huge hair and acid-washedjeans." " [ Laughs ]" "Foryour information, they don't have big hair orwear acid-wash." "They're from my hometown." "Why areyou playing the pronoun game ?" " What areyou talking about ?" "I'm not." " Youare." "I met "someone." "We" have a great time. "They're" from my hometown." "Doesn't this tube ofwonderful have a name ?" "Holden." "[ Sighs ] Well... here's to the both ofyou." "Another one bites the dust." "Can I askyou a question ?" "Don't even tell me you want to do it again." "Why me ?" "You know ?" "Why now ?" "Well, becauseyou were givin' me that look and I got all wet." "You know what I mean." "Why not you ?" "Well, I'm a guy." "I mean..." "you're attracted to girls." "I seeyou've been taking notes." "Historically, yes." "That's true." "Then why this ?" "Well, I've given that a lot ofthought, you know." "Now that I'm being ostracized by my friends," "I've had plenty oftime to think about it." "AndwhatI've come up with is reallysimple." "I came to this on my own terms." "You know, I didn'tjust heed what I was taught:" "Men and women should be together, it's the natural way, that kind ofthing." "I'm not with you because of what family, society, life... triedtoinstillinme from dayone." "The way the world is, how seldom it is thatyou meet that one person who... just gets you." "It's so rare." "My parents didn't really have it." "There were no examples set for me in the world ofmale-female relationships." "And to cut oneselfoff from finding that person-- to immediately halveyour options by eliminating the possibility... offinding that one person within your own gender-- thatjust seemed stupid to me." "So Ididn't." "But then you came along." "You, the one least likely." "I mean, you were a guy." "[ Chuckling ] Still am." "And while I was falling foryou I put a ceiling on that, becauseyou were a guy." "Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place:" "To not limit the likelihood offinding that one person who'd... complement me so completely." "So, here we are." "I was thorough when I looked foryou." "And I feel justified lying in your arms... 'cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was someplace I didn't look." "For me that makes all the difference." "Can I at least tell people all you needed was some serious deep-dicking ?" "[ Laughing ]" " Move !" " Stop !" " What ?" " Check out page 48." " So ?" " Did you see the nickname ?" " " Finger Cuffs."" " And ?" " Weird nickname." "What's your point ?" " Doyou know why it's " Finger Cuffs" ?" " No." "I supposeyou do." " I do." "Remember Cohee Lundin ?" "Left Hudson and went to North our senioryear ?" "Yeah." "Well, asshole, I ran into him at the stores the other day." "God, it's been ages since I've seen him." " Mentioned you were dating Alyssa." " Did you ?" "Yeah." "Funny thing is, you know what he said ?" "Shit, I know AlyssaJones." "I mean, I know AlyssaJones." "Me and Rick Derris used to hang around her house after school... and shit, 'cause her parents were, like, never home and shit, right ?" "But one day Rickwhips it out and starts rubbing' it on her leg and shit, chasing' her around the living room;" "I was dyin'." "You know what the crazy bitch did ?" "She fuckin' drops to her knees... and starts sucking' him offright in front ofme, like I wasn't even there." "I almost died." "But that's not the fucked-up part." "The fucked-up part was Rick, right in the middle ofit, pointing' at her, and he says "Cohee," just like that, "Cohee."" "So I'm like, "Yo, I'll give it a shot."" "I start pullin' her pants down and shit, all slow 'cause I figure any second... she's gonna turn around and belt me in the mouth, right ?" "But she's all into it, man !" "She don't try to stop me or nothin' !" "She's all wet and I just start goin' to work, you know what I'm sayin' ?" "Me and Rick are goin' to town on this crazy bitch, and she's lovin' it, all moaning and shit." "It was fucked-up." "So Rick came up with the nickname." "That day she had us locked in from both sides like Chinese finger cuffs." "He's full ofshit." "Cohee's a lot ofthings, but an exaggerator he's not." " The dude's Catholic." " She's never even been with a guy." "That's what she says." "But I say her on her hands and knees... getting filled out like an application constitutes "being with a guy."" "Look, man." "Cohee Lundin is pulling your chain, okay ?" "The factyou even believe him makes you look like a complete fuckin' idiot." "I'm getting your back, asshole !" "People don't forget shit like " Finger Cuffs."" "What ifit got out that she's queer as well ?" "How's that gonna makeyou look ?" " Well, I give a shit what people think." " Fuck !" "All right." "What ifshe's carrying a disease ?" " Fuckyou !" " What ?" "Oh, it's not possible that she's all crudded-up ?" "Cohee I can vouch for is clean." "The dude never got laid in high school." "But Derris ?" "He's an arch-fucking-bushman !" "Name me one chick in our senior class that he didn't nail, for Christ's sake !" "Let it go, okay ?" "I'm telling you, she's never even been with a guy, much less these two fuckin' zeroes." "And the bitch could be a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak !" "Would you let it go, okay ?" "I'm fuckin' tired ofthis shit !" "She's my goddamn girlfriend !" "Show a little fuckin' respect !" "And I swear to God, ifI ever hearyou so much as fucking mention..." "Alyssa looks a little peaked, I'll put your fucking teeth down your throat !" "Maybe I'll putyour fuckin' teeth down your throat." "Yeah, maybe." "[Footsteps downstairs]" "I've been workin' out, ya know !" "You better be ready to make that deal." "So, where's that bitch partner ofyours been ?" "Sulking." "He's having a real problem with this Alyssa thing." "I think it's more like Banky's having a real problem with all things not hetero, and I'm just another paradigm ofsaid aberration." " Banky does not hate gays." " But he is a bit homophobic." "This latest episode between you and Miss Thing has tapped into that." "In his warped perception, he lostyou to the "dark side," which is she." "You make it sound like me and him were dating." "Don't kid yourself." "That boy loves you in a way that he ain't ready to deal with." "[ Clears Throat ]" " He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa." " Uh-uh, honey !" "Andjust what has Mr. Angela Lansbury uncovered aboutyour lady fair ?" "[ Whispering ] He heard some bullshit story that she took on two guys." "Really ?" "Then he's barkin' up the wrong tree ifhe wants to splityou up, isn't he ?" "He's not gonna makeyou see the error ofyourways... by pointing out how truly gay she's not." " This one ?" " I have it." " Actually, it has kinda gotten to me." " How so ?" "Well, Banky's got a pretty good bullshit detector." " He's not known for misinformation." " So what ifit is true ?" " Would that botheryou ?" " Sex with multiple partners ?" " [ Gasps ]" " At the same time ?" "Ah !" "Ooh !" "Thanks for being so comforting." "I appreciate it." "So, what doyou care ?" "That'sjust it, you know ?" "I shouldn't care." " But itjust" " It gets to me." " Look, the kind ofgal Alyssa is, you don't think she's been in the middle... ofan all-girl group grope ?" "You see, that doesn't bother me, right ?" "Butjust the thought ofherwith guys" "Oh, Holden, I beg you, please." "Don't drop 50 stories in my opinion ofyou... by falling prey to that latest oftrendy beasts." " Which is ?" " Lesbian chic." "It's oh-so acceptable to be a gay girl nowadays." "People think it's cute." "Got this fool picture oflipstick lesbians in their heads, like they all resemble Alyssa, while most of'em look more likeyou." "Do I detect a little intersubculture cattiness here ?" "Gay or straight, ugly's still ugly." " And most ofthose boys are scary." " [ Laughs ]" "I thoughtyou fags were all supersupportive ofone another." "Screw that all-for-one shit." "I gotta deal with bein' a minority in the minority ofthe minority, and nobody's supportin' my ass." "While the whole ofsociety's fawning over girls-on-girls, here I sit, a reviled gay man." "And to top that off, I'm a gay black man, notoriously, the most swishy ofthe bunch." " Three strikes" " Hey, hey !" "There's a line." "[Boy]AreyouHooperX?" "[Rap OverStereo]" "Salaam alaykem, little brother." " Could you sign my comic ?" "Hey." "You see that man right there ?" "He the devil." "Understand ?" "Never takeyour eye offthe Man." " Fight the power, little G." " Word is bond." "Word is bond." "Look at what I have to resort to for professional respect." "Look at what I have to resort to for professional respect." "What is it about gay men that terrifies the rest ofthe world ?" "[ Sighs ]" "As for this hang-up with Alyssa's past," "Um-hm." "maybe what's troubling you is that your fragile fantasy might not be true." " What does that mean ?" " Holden, don't even try to come off... likeyou don't know what I'm sayin'." "Men need to believe that they're Marco-fuckin'" "Polo when it comes to sex." "Like they're the only ones who've ever explored new territory." "And it's hard not to let 'em believe it." " I let my boys run with it for a while." " [ Scoffs ]" "Feed 'em some ofthat "I've never done this before" bullshit... and let them labor under the delusion that they're rockin' myworld... until I can't stand 'em no more, then I hit 'em with the truth." "It's a sick game." "The world would be a better place... ifpeople wouldjust accept there's nothin' new under the sun, and anything you can do with a person... has probably been done long beforeyou got there." " Hey, I can accept that." " Honey, that almost sounded convincing." "Doyourselfa favor:" "Just ask the girl about her past point-blank." "Get it out ofthe way before it gets too big for both ofy'all to move." "Ooh !" "Yanni !" "[Spectators Cheering] -[Organ P.laying]" " [ Crowd Shouts and Cheers ] - [ Alyssa ] Boo !" "Boo !" "Since most ofthese people are rooting for the home team," "I'm going to cheer for the visitors." "I'm a big visitors fan." "Especially the kind that make coffee foryou in the morning before they go." "That was ajoke." "Bah-dum-bah." "A little wackywordplay." "[ Giggles ]" "Wha-What doyou mean, "visitors" ?" "Was I being too obscure ?" "The kind that, until recently, had no dicks and would stay the night." "So, uh, that was until recently, right ?" "Uh, yeah." "Hey !" "Foul !" "Foul !" "He was traveling or something." "So, nobody but me has spent the night atyour place since we got together ?" "Somethin' on your mind, Holden ?" "Just wondering." " IfI've been faithful or something ?" "I wasjust asking." "Oh, sweetie." "I only have eyes foryou." "Ifyou don't start usin' that whistle, I'm gonnajam it straight upyour ass !" "Right ?" "What's uh-- What's with " Finger Cuffs" ?" "" Finger Cuffs" ?" "In your senioryearbookyour nickname was Finger Cuffs." "What does that mean ?" " It was ?" " Yeah." "Shit." "Damned ifI can remember." "I'd look it up, but I threw all that shit outyears ago." " Where'd you see a North yearbook ?" " Doyou know a Rick Derris ?" " Rick Derris ?" " Yeah." "[P.ulse Beating]" "Sure." "We used to hang out in high school." "Punch him in the fuckin' neck, number 1 2 !" "Come on." "Come on !" "Did you guys, like, date or something ?" "Date Rick Derris ?" "No, no." "Wejust hung out a lot." "Just-Justyou and Rick." "No." "Me, Rick and, um" "God, what was his name ?" "Um" " What was his name ?" " What washisname ?" " Cohee." " Yes !" "Cohee !" "Cohee Lundin !" "[P.ulse Continues]" "God, I haven't thought about that name in years." "Those guys used to come over to my house almost every day after school." "They'd bug my sisters, look through my dad's closet for porno tapes, raid the fridge." "They really took advantage ofmy parents' never being home." "This one day," "Rick pulled his dick out and started chasing me around the house with it." "Right in front ofCohee, man." "I couldn't believe it." "Rick pulled his dick out ?" "Really ?" " [ Laughing ]" " What did you do ?" "[ Loudly] I blew him while Cohee fucked me !" "[P.ulseStops, Crowd Cheering]" " Excuse me ?" " That's whatyou wanted to hear." "That's what this little cross-examination ofyour is all about ?" "Well, next time try not to make it so obvious, all right ?" "There's subtlerways ofbadgering a witness." "Am I right ?" "Geez, man." "Even I knew whatyou were gettin' at." "Ifyou wanted background information on me, all you had to do was ask." "I wouldhave gladly volunteeredit." "You didn't have to go playing Hercule-fucking-Poirot." "Told ya these were good seats." "Hey." "Hey !" " Hey, would you wait a minute ?" " Get the fuck offme !" " So it's true, right ?" " Is that whatyou wanna hear ?" "Yeah, Holden, it's true." "In fact, everything you heard or dug up on me is probably true." "Yeah, I took on two guys at once !" "[ Sobbing ] You wanna hear some gems you might not have unearthed ?" "I took a 26-year-old guy to my senior prom... and left to have sex with him and Gwen Turner in the back ofa limo." "Howaboutin college when IletShannon Hamilton videotape ushavingsex, only to find out he broadcast it on the campus cable station." "Tihey'reall true." "Didn'tyouknow?" "Iam the queen ofsuburbanlegend!" "Did you somehow fuckin' fail to mention this to me ?" "What the fuck's wrong with you ?" "How could you do all those things ?" "Easily !" "Some I did out ofstupidity, some I did out ofwhat I thought was love." "But good or bad, they are my choices, and I am not making apologies for them now !" "Not toyou, or not to anyone !" "And how dareyou lay a guilt trip on me about it, in public, no less ?" "Who the fuck doyou think you are, youjudgmental prick ?" "How the fuck am I supposed to feel about all this ?" "How areyou supposed to feel about it ?" "Feel whatever the fuckyou want to about it, all right ?" "The only thing that matters is howyou feel about me." " I don't know how I feel aboutyou now." " Why ?" "Why ?" " Because I had some sex ?" "Some sex ?" "Yes, Holden." "That's all it was, some sex." "Most ofit stupid high school sex." "Likeyou never had sex in high school." "There is a world offucking difference between typical high school sex... and getting fucked by two fuckin' guys at the same time !" " They fuckin' used you." " No !" "I used them !" "You don't think I would have let it happen ifI hadn't wanted to, doyou ?" "I was an experimental girl, for Christ's sake !" "Maybeyou knew early on thatyour trackwas from point A to B, but, unlikeyou, I was not given a fucking map at birth." "So I tried it all." "That is until we-- that's you and I-- got together." "And suddenly I was sated." "Can'tyou take some fucking comfort in that ?" "[ Sobbing ] You turned out to be all I was looking for, the missing piece in the big fucking puzzle." "[Sobbing]" "Look, I'm sorry I letyou believeyou were the only guy I'd ever been with." "I should have been more honest." "But itjust didn't" " It seemed to makeyou feel special in a way... that me telling you over and over how incredibleyou are wouldn't get across." "Holden, I'm sorry." "Just don't do that." "Doyou mean to tell me that, whileyou have zero problem... with me sleeping with halfthe women in New York City, you have some sort ofhalf-assed, mealy-mouthed objection... to pubescent antics that took place almost ten years ago ?" "What the fuck is your problem ?" "I want us to be something that we can't be." "And what's that ?" "A normal couple." "So why don'tyougive yourlittle voicearest" " [ Screaming ] Fuck !" " Come on up inside mybed" "And justpretendyouneedme" "Youdon'thave toile about whatyouknow" "Even though I'vebeensufferin'" "AndIdon'tneedtobe youronlyone" "Idon'tneedyourcomforting" "I justneedyou withme" "Stay, stay, stay withme" "Stay, stay withme" "Stayanddon'tyouever rollaway from me" "The girl ?" "Stay" "Stay withme" "Oh, anddidshe ever" "Well, lookat this morosemotherfuckerrighthere." "Smells like someone shit in his cereal." "Nooch." "What tookyou guys so long ?" "What areyou, at the mall again ?" "Bitch, don't even start, all right ?" "We stopped that shityears ago." "Toss the salad." "[ Groans ]" "Damn, this likeness rights shit is more profitable than selling' smoke." "How did a dirt merchant likeyou ever learn about likeness rights ?" "We deal to a lot oflawyers." "You know what I'm sayin' ?" "Speaking ofwhich-- A little signing' bonus and shit ?" "No, I'll pass." "Did you guys take a look at the issue ?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "You need to throw some pussy in that book, man." "Like, throw some supervillain with big fuckin' tits... that shoot milk or somethin', and I'll just, like, suck her dry... and bust some moves on her." "Then she has to fuck me." "I mean, fuck us." "I'll see what I can do." " All right, boys." "What'll it be ?" " I'm allset, thanks." "Yo, Flo." "Tell Mel to whip me up a toasted bagel with cream cheese." "You want one too ?" "Make that two, and kiss my grits." "Nooch." "Did you everwatch that show, Alice ?" "That show was funny as hell, man." "So why thelong face, horse ?" "Bankyon therag ?" "I'm just, uh" " I'm just havin' a little girl trouble." "Bitch pressing' charges ?" "I get that a lot." "No." "I'm just, uh" "I'm just at a point where I don't really know what to do." "Kick her to the fuckin' curb." "Girls get to be too much trouble." "There's always the band... ofthe hand." "Can't do it, G. I'm in love." "Nah, there ain't no such thing." "You got to boil it down to the essentials." "It's like Cube says:" "Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money" "Thanks, guys." "That'sjust what I needed." "Advice from the 'hood." " So who is this girl ?" " Oh, I don't thinkyou know her." "Come on, man." "I'm people who know people." "You sound like Barbra Streisand." "Maybe 'cause I got this tubby bitch playin' her greatest hits tape... in my ear all the time." "You gotta see it." "When she starts singin' "You Don't Bring Me Flowers,"" "this faggot starts cryin' like a little girl with a skinned knee and shit." "Big fuckin' softie." "So what's the skirt's name ?" "I'm tellin' ya, man." "You don't know the girl." "I ain't playin', man." "Come on, tell me her name, Mysterio." "AlyssaJones." "Holy fuckin' shit." "Finger Cuffs ?" "You're dating FingerCuffs, yousillyson ofabitch ?" "Wait a second." "I thought she was all gay and shit." "She was, or she is." "I don't know." "And you're dating her." "Man, you're a lucky fuck." "She ever bring bitches to bed with you ?" "Get a little ofthat Filet-O-Fish sandwich goin' on ?" "Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about, baby." "Right ?" "What's up ?" "Yeah." "So four tits and what ?" " No, man." "It's not like that." " What's it like, then ?" "Right now ?" "I don't know." "I love her, you know ?" "But, uh, she has a past." "I'll say." "Stuffin' two guys, eatin' chicks out and shit." "You know, I heard one time she had this dog" "Eatyour fuckin' bagel already and shut up." "Look at this touchy motherfucker right here." "So ifyou're all in love and shit, what's the problem ?" "The problem is stupid shit like that." "It was bad enough when it was just girls, you know ?" "You throw guys into the mix-- two guys at once, no less" "All that experience, you know ?" "What am I supposed to think ?" "Think "good," ya fuckin' ninny shithead, 'cause now she'll be all true and blue." "Bitch tasted life." "Now she's settlin' foryour boring' funny-book-makin' ass." "Settling for my boring ass." "That's comforting." "Thanks,Jay." " That's what I'm here for." " I'm just havin' a problem with it." "It's like I can't get these visuals out ofmy head ofher doing all this shit." "And I don't know why I can't let it go, 'cause I'm crazy about this girl." " I look at her, I see kids, grandkids" " You're scarin' me." "Yeah, well, I'm scarin' myself 'cause I think so much ofthis girl... that I can't get stupid shit like " Finger Cuffs" out ofmy head." "[ Sighs ] I don't know." "I don't know what I'm doin'." "Chasin' Amy." "What ?" "What did you say ?" "[ Spits ]" " You're chasing Amy." " What doyou look so shocked for, man ?" "Fatbastarddoes thisall the time." "He thinks 'causehe don'tsayanything... it'll have some huge impact when he does open his fuckin' mouth." "Jesus Christ, why don'tyou shut up ?" "Always yap-yap-yapping all the time." "Give me a fuckin' headache." "I went through somethin' like what you're talkin' about a coupleyears ago." " This chick named Amy." " When ?" "A couple ofyears ago." "What, she live in Canada or something ?" "Why don't I remember this ?" "Bitch, whatyou don't know about me..." "I couldjust about squeeze in the Grand-fucking-Canyon." "Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas ?" "Huh ?" "Betyou didn't even know that shit, did you ?" "Just tell your fuckin' story so we can get out ofhere and smoke this." "So there's me and Amy." "And we're inseparable.Just big-time in love." "Then four months down the road the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which, as we all know, is a really dumb move." "Butyou know how it is:" "You don't want to know, butyoujust have to know." "Stupid guy bullshit." "So, anyway, she starts telling' me about him." "They fell in love, went out for a couple ofyears, lived together." "Her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah." "And I'm okay." "But thenshe drops thebomb onme, andthebombis this:" "It seems that a couple oftimes, while theywere goin' out, he brought some people to bed with them." "Menage a trois, I believe it's called." "Now thisjust blows my mind, right ?" "I'm not used to this sort ofthing." "I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes." "Saint Shithead." "Do somethin'." "So I'm totallyweirded out by this, right ?" "And I just start blastin' her." "I don't know how to deal with what I'm feelin', so I figure the best way is... ifcall her "slut," right, and tell her she was used." "I'm out for blood." "I reallywant to hurt this girl." ""What the fuck is your problem ?" And she'sjust calmly trying to tell me," ""It was that time, that place," and she doesn't think she should apologize... because she doesn't feel that she's done anything wrong." "I'm like, "Oh, really ?" I look her in the eye and tell her it's over." "I walk." "Fuckin' A." "No, idiot." "It was a mistake." "I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid." "Youknow, at thatmomentIfeltsmall, like I'dlackedexperience, like I'd never be on her level, never be enough for her or something like that." "But what I did not get, she didn't care." "She wasn't lookin' for that guy anymore, she was lookin' for me, for the Bob." "But by the time I figured this all out, it's too late, man." "She moved on." "AllIhadtoshowforit was foolish pride which thengave waytoregret." "She was the girl." "I know that now." "But..." "I pushed her away." "So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy." "So to speak." "Enough ofthis fuckin' melodrama." "My advice ?" "Forget her, dude." "There's one bitch in the world, one bitch with many faces." "Get up, tons offun." "We gotta book." " Catchin'abus to Chi-town." " Why ?" "What's there ?" "Business, yo." "How many more ofthose fat envelopes we get coming' to us ?" "Uh, I don't know." "I don't know how much longer the book's gonna be around." "Yeah, good." "I'll be glad as shit when it's gone." "There's a million people who'd love to see themselfin a comic book." "But that ain't like us at all, all slapsticky and shit, runnin' around like a couple ofdickheads." "Sayin'" " What's that shit he got us sayin' ?" "Oh, um..." ""snootchie-bootchies."" ""Snootchie-bootchies." Who the fuck talks like that ?" "That is baby talk." "It's a big world, G. We're bound to run intoyou again." " Till then, keepyour unit on ya." " I'll try." "No, no, no, no, no." "Do or do not." "There is no try" "Knock that shit off !" "We got a bus to catch." "Jedi bitch." "Man, what doyou always have to tell that fuckin' gay story for ?" " Man, shutup." " You shut up, you fat fuck." "Okay." "You guys are probablywondering why I asked you here at the same time... knowing that we have shit to settle between us separately." "I just figured you wanted to kill two birds with one stone." "You know, by telling her to fuck offwith me here... soyou wouldn't have to go through the story again later on." " Fuckyou." " Not even ifyou let me videotape it." "Okay, enough." "All right ?" "Enough." "[ Sighs ]" "Now, I've been going over and over and over this whole thing, and I've dissected it a thousand different ways." "Banky, there's tension between you and I for the first time in our lives." "You hate me dating Alyssa and you want me to sign offon this cartoon thing." "How perceptive." "Alyssa, you and I have hit a wall... 'cause I don't know how to deal with your, uh, your past, I guess." "That's a nice way ofputting it." "I'd have said "the whole double stuff" thing." "I'm only gonna tell you this once:" "Shut up." "Now, [Sighs]" "I know I'm to blame one way or another on both accounts." "Alyssa, with you because..." "I feel inadequate, becauseyou'vehadsuchabig life andsomuch experience, and my life's been pretty small in comparison." " That doesn't matter to me." " Please." "I have to get through this, okay ?" "Banky, I know whyyou're having such a hard time with me and Alyssa." "It'ssomething that'sbeen obvious foreverandIguess" "I guess I just didn't acknowledge it." "You're in love with me." "What ?" "You're attracted to me.Just as, in a way, I guess I'm... attracted toyou." "It makes sense." "We've been together so long, we have so much in common." "Well, I gotta get goin'." "I gotta catch the last few minutes of Little House." "It's somethin' you're gonna have to deal with, Bank." "And that would explain yourjealousy ofAlyssa, your homophobia, your sense ofhumor" "Jesus,just 'cause a guy's got a predilection toward dickjokes" "Bank." "Stop." "Deal with it." "You'll feel much better." "[Holden] Okay." "Now, you guys are probably asking yourselves the same question... that I've been going over and over in my head the past few weeks:" "What does one have to do with the other ?" "Don't." "And when I did some serious soul-searching, it came to me from outta nowhere." "And it all made sense." "And a calm came over me." "I know what we have to do." "And then you, Banky, you, Alyssa, and I-- all ofus-- can finally be... all right." "Please don't say it." "We've all gotta have sex together." "I mean, look, don'tyou see ?" "That would take care ofeverything." "Alyssa, with you, I won't feel too inadequate or conservative anymore, because I'll have done something on a parwith all your experience." "And it will be with you, which will make it that much more powerful." "Banky, you can take that leap... that everyone else butyou sees you should take." "And it'll be with me, your best friend foryears." "We've been everything to each other but intimates, and now we'll have been through that together too." "And it won't be a total leap foryou because a woman will be involved." "And when it's over, all that hostility you feel toward Alyssa will be gone... becauseyou'll have shared in something beautiful with the woman I love." "It'llbe cathartic." "This will keep us together." "[ Exhales ]" "What doya say ?" "[ Exhales ]" "Sure." "You know I need this." "You know it'll help." "No." "[ Sighs ] Thank Christ." "Sorry." "No ?" "I thought you'd be into this." "You did ?" "What does that say about me ?" "Sweetheart, you've done stuff like this before." "This should be no big deal foryou." "You don't want this." "You really don't want this." "No, I do want this." "This has to happen." "Can'tyou see that ?" "I mean, how can you not ?" "No ?" "What does that say about me ?" "You can take it from two guys whose names you can hardly remember, but I askyou to share an experience about intimacy, and you say no ?" " I can't." " Baby, yes, you can." "I'll be there." "And when it's overwe'll be the strongest we've ever been... 'cause we'll have been through this together." "Then we'll be on the same level and there'll be nothing we can't accomplish." "[ Crying ] Oh, Holden." "That time is over for me." "I've been there and I've done it... and I didn't find what I was looking for in any ofit." "I found that ityou." "In us." "Doing this won't helpyou forget about the things you're hung up on." " It'll create more." " No." "I've thought about all that." "Yes, it will !" "[ Sobs ] Maybeyou'll see me differently from then on." "Maybeyou'll despise me for going along with it onceyou're in the moment." "Maybe I'll moan differently, and then you'll resent Banky and become suspicious ofus." "Oryou'll alienate him because ofit." "You'll grow to blame and hate me for the deterioration ofyour friendship." "Orwhat if-- and God, I sincerely doubt it-- but what ifI saw something in Banky that I've never seen before, youknow, andIfellin love withhim andleftyou ?" "I've been down roads like this before." "Many times." "I knowyou feel doing this will broaden your horizons... and giveyou experience." "But I've had those experiences, on my own." "And I can't accompanyyou on yours." "I'm past that now." "[ Sighing ]" "Or maybe I just loveyou too much." "And I feel hurt and let down thatyou would want to share me with anyone." "Because I would never want to shareyou." "[ Sniffling ]" "Regardless," "I can't be a part ofthis." "Oryou." "Not anymore." "[ Sighs ] I loveyou." "I always will." "Know that." "But I'm not your fucking whore." "He's yours again." "[Footsteps Retreating]" "[ Sighs ]" "[Woman's Voice OverP.." "A., Crowd Chattering]" "A blast from the past." "Doyou know how much it's going for these days ?" "$1 1 0." "You sign it, it'll push that up even higher." "You sell it I want a kickback." "I don't know ifit's true, but I heard once there was going to be an animated series ?" " There was going to be." " Whathappened?" "You're lookin' at it." "No Chronic, no cartoon." " That would have been awesome !" " Tell me about it." "So is that what happened with you and Holden McNeil ?" "You got into a fight over the rights or something ?" " It was more complicated than that." " Whatever happened to that guy ?" "I don't know." "Quit the biz, I guess." "So, you guys don't talk anymore ?" "No." "Not really." "Yeah." "Tihathappenedtome once." "Meandthisguystarteda comic club." "Andwegotintoa fightover wholooked betterinbare legs, Electra orRobin." "Anyway, Idisbandedthe clubandstruck outonmyown, kinda like Nomad." "I'm ramblingonnow." "WhatImeant tosayis... thatyou probably shouldn't have killed offChronic." "Guess not." "Some doorsjust shouldn't be opened." "Oh, like the doorto death in Baby Dave's Winter Special, whichyoudidonyourown." "See ?" "Youdon'tneedthatMcNeilguy, anyway." "Youdo great work onyourown." "Lookatyourline work." "Lookatall the detailing this douchebagonpage 18." "Look at howyou draw a fart." "Andtellmeyou'renotbetteroff withoutHolden McNeil." "Imean, you were justcarrying thatguylikeabrown-bag lunch, youknow whatI'msaying ?" " You're so right." " Yeah, well, the true fansalwaysare." "Well, keep up thegoodwork, man." "Love those dick jokes." "Love 'em." "Seeya." "Yeah." "Bye." "Okay." "Who's next ?" "Hi." "Thanks for readin' it." "I can't believe this place." "These people are so weird." "You wanted to come." "God, I can't believeyou call these people contemporaries." "Look at this guy over here with the pointy ears ?" "What's that ?" " He's a Vulcan." " A what ?" " A Vulcan.Jesus, potzer." " [ Laughs ]" "Why don'tyou take a walk and get us something to drink ?" "Okay, I will." "Um, this isn't one ofmine." "It'smine." "I saved you a copy." "Hi." "Hi." "How'veyou been ?" "Uh, good." "Really good." "Yourself?" "Good." "The new issue's selling like crazy, for some reason." "Yeah, well, it's because it's really good." "I liked it a lot." "Thankyou." "I haven't even seen this yet." "Did itjust come out ?" "Uh, oh, about a month ago." "I did a really small run." "Self-financed, only about 500 issues." "Will I enjoy it ?" "You might." "It's familiar subject matter." "Looks like a very personal story." "[ Sighs ] I finally had something personal to say." "Well, I'm gonna go." "I don't wanna hold upyour line here." "Yeah." "I mean, it can get ugly." "I just saw this nun call a small child a cunt-rag." "[ Chuckles ]" "You know, read that, ifyou have a minute." "I will." "Ifyou get the chance, call me." "I'd like to hearyour thoughts, or... whatever." "Okay." "Okay." "It was really nice seeing you again." "It was really nice to seeyou too." " Who was that ?" " Huh ?" "Who was that ?" "Oh,just some guy I knew." "Next." "So, what doyou want to do tonight ?" "I was tapping'my foot ona Fridaynight" "Tio my favoriteband I waspushedaside" "Isaidhey, don'tpushme No, no, no onepushesme" "When I was face to face witha woman Iadmired" "Andshegaveme this look" "Icouldnotbelieve" "Andthe coldstare remained I wantedtoleave" "Yeah, Idobelieveanger is offsetbysorrow" "Butyoudestroytoday youmightregret tomorrow" "Whenyou'reyoung anddefensive" "Itcomes offoffensive" "Andit'shardtorepay the tolerance thatyouborrowed" "Tihelasting relationship sinks rightoffthepier" "Who wears thepants It's fadedbutclear" "She'syourgirlfriend andsheain't too fondofme" "Iguess ifthat's the way it wasmeant tobe" "Tihere we were just we three" "You, yourgirlfriendandme" "I'veknownyouforever You two justmet" "So easilyamused howfast we forget" "Ain'tmy jealousy myself-righteous greed" "She'sabitlikeabook I'm too farsightedtoread" "AndI wishyou thebest butsometimes feeltheneed" "Tiosay Rememberme" "Yeah, she'syourgirlfriend as faras we cansee" "Doesshelookatyou the wayshelooksatme" "Andhere weare just we three" "You, yourgirlfriendandme" "She'syourgirlfriend it'sgettin'hardertosee" "Better just takeherhome Better justletherbe" "Whenshe walks out thatdoor youcomelooking forme" "[Jay]Man, whatdoyoualwayshave to tell thatfuckin'gaystory for?"