"What a wonderful surprise, you guys making me brunch." "Well, we're not the chef you are, Robert, but we were thinking, "Robert gives so much to everybody else, someone should give back to him for a "change."" "You know, I've often thought the same thing myself." "Besides, somebody's been losing a little too much weight." "You've been hitting the gym?" "Well, a little." "You know I do my tae Bo." "Aah!" "Holy [bleep]" "Sara!" "Oh, yeah!" "Look out!" "My name is Colonel H. [bleep] Stinkmeaner, and this time, I'm rolling deep, nigga!" "Tom, we got to get out of here!" "But Sara!" "You'll find another white woman." "Just run!" "Tom, you punk-ass [bleep]" "Sweetie-pie, no!" "This'll slow them down." "Aah!" "Oh, my God!" "Did you just throw Jazmine?" "!" "Look out behind you!" "Aah!" "Hurry up." "Lock it." "I'm trying." "What we gonna do?" "Boys, you stay here and hold the door!" "Ha ha!" "I got you, little nigga!" "Granddad, help!" "Sorry, boys." "Cheers!" "Granddad, where you going?" "!" "Punkin' out on us!" "♪ Bitch, bitch-ass ♪" "♪ you bitch nigga ♪" "♪ bitch-ass ♪" "♪ bitch, bitch-ass nigga ♪" "♪ bitch, bitch-ass nigga ♪" "♪ bitch, bitch-ass nigga ♪" "♪ I already won ♪" "♪ so you already done ♪" "♪ makin' shots... ♪" "♪ so you jump the gun ♪" "♪ you don't want no wars ♪" "♪ you want no fun ♪" "♪ you ain't calling your fam ♪" "Ruckus!" "Ruckus, help!" "No, no!" "Y'all niggas get away from me!" "Leave decent non-nigga folk alone!" "Damn it, ruckus, help me!" "Help me, you fat, black, one-eyed [bleep]" "No, Robert, no!" "You brought these niggas on yourself!" "Aah!" "Yes!" "I made it!" "I made it!" "I'm free!" "Granddad." "Huh?" "Are you having a bad dream?" "Shoot." "Bad for y'all." "♪ I lived ♪" "♪ you died ♪" "♪ I lived ♪" "♪ and you died ♪" "♪ I am the stone that the builder refused ♪" "♪ I am the visual, the inspiration that made lady sing the blues ♪" "♪ I'm the spark that makes your idea bright ♪" "♪ the same spark that lights the dark ♪" "♪ so that you can know your left from your right ♪" "♪ I am the ballot in your box, the bullet in the gun ♪" "♪ the inner glow that lets you know to call your brother son ♪" "♪ the story that just begun ♪" "♪ the promise of what's to come ♪" "♪ and I'ma remain a soldier till the war is won ♪" "♪ chop chop chop ♪" "♪ judo flip ♪" "♪ chop chop chop ♪" "♪ judo flip ♪" "♪ chop chop chop ♪" "♪ judo flip ♪" "♪ chop chop chop ♪" "We know that niggas can create conflict based on ignorance, called "nigga moments."" "However, niggas can also create bonds with each other, also based on ignorance." "This bonding is called "nigga synthesis."" "Like the bonds of friends and family, which are mutually beneficial, nigga synthesis is based on a mutual appreciation for ignorant or trivial things." "Now, when a nigga moment collides with nigga synthesis, you get a complete [bleep]" "Disaster!" "Remember this equation." "You will need it later, nigga." "Oh, hell, no!" "What y'all want, niggas?" "Hurry up!" "I ain't got all day." "We're looking for a place called Woodcrest." "Is this it?" "Maybe." "Look, you want gas or not?" "We're looking for a man." "Oh, yeah, I bet you are." "You're looking for the number man or the weed man or the welfare man." "No, the man I'm looking for is named Freeman " " Robert Freeman." "Oh, hell, no!" "I knew it." "You related to Robert Freeman?" "So, you know him?" "Yeah, I know him." "But Woodcrest don't need no more coloreds." "We got our colored quota filled, so y'all can just get to steppin' and get in that piece of [bleep] car, turn it around, and head it back up the road, crusty the coon!" "Why don't you just tell me where Robert is before I put five across your lip, you big black dummy?" "Yeah!" "Start talking, you one-eyed, fish-eyed fool!" "Hey!" "We ain't got all night, Buffalo butt!" "I ain't scared of y'all decrepit Negroes!" "Come on!" "Aah!" "Yo, turn on the news." "The attack happened yesterday at this gas station just outside of Woodcrest." "The victim, a Mr. Uncle Ruckus -- no relation -- had this to say." "Lord, there was three of them -- two black nigga men and one black nigga woman." "Oh, they each had big, black lips, big, black nostrils, and a big, black attitude problem." "Police have released this composite sketch of the attackers based on the victim's description." "Yo!" "How you get beat up by a gang of old people?" "That's odd." "I ain't seen nothing that bad since granddad got beat up by Stinkmeaner." "Hey!" "It's a'ight, granddad." "I'd probably kill a nigga, too, if they embarrassed me like that." "I killed the man in self-defense." "In defense of your ego, maybe." "Well, tough titties for him." "He's dead, and I'm going fishing." "Excusez-moi." "We here for Huey and Riley Freeman." "Huey Freeman, please report to the front office." "You know what's going on?" "They said our aunt and Uncle came to pick us up." "Aunt and Uncle?" "Man, something's not right." "Come on, let's go." "Just how far away is their classroom -- the moon?" "They should have been here by now." "You know kids -- always lollygagging." "It'll just be a second." "Can I offer you some water or Yo, where we going?" "I don't know, but we getting out of here." "Well, well, well!" "We came a long way to kill y'all little niglets." "Now it's time for the big bonanza!" "You know what this is, suckahs!" "Yo!" "You see these two old-ass niggas?" "Come on!" "Yo, why we running?" "Yeah [bleep]" "Damn." "Them old niggas can jump." "Beat your [bleep] ass like you stole something." "Who you think you [bleep] with, huh?" "Aah!" "♪ fishing ♪" "♪ fishin', I'm baiting this hook ♪" "♪ gonna catch me some fish today ♪ good morning." "Crabbing, huh?" "How's it going?" "Oh, I think I might catch me a few more today." "Fascinating creature, the crab." "Got that hard exterior." "But he ain't really dangerous, 'cept to another crab." "Dumb as all hell." "Can't even walk straight." "Matter of fact, the only thing a crab is good for is holding back other crabs." "A crab don't want to see another crab make it." "Y-y-y-yeah." "Uh, I guess." "Crab is like, "if I'm gonna die, we all gonna die."" "I admire that." "Mm-hmm." "We all got to die sometimes." "Might as well help each other get there." "I mean, that's what you did to Stinkmeaner." "Isn't that right, Robert Freeman?" "Aah!" "No, no!" "No, no, no, no, no!" "No, no, no!" "I don't know what's happening!" "Wait a minute now!" "Got your ass now." "Put that thing away." "Put it away." "Aah!" "Boy, I'll tag your ass, pimp style!" "I'll whup your ass." "You hear me, what I'm saying, nigga?" "Punk-ass [bleep]" "Damn bell done ring." "Come on." "Let's go." "Aah!" "Uh-huh." "You done done it now." "Okay." "Huh?" "Aah!" "Crabs in my face!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Help!" "Help!" "I can't believe this is happening again." "Who are these people, and where do they come from?" "Desperate for answers, we turned to the one place that might tell us what we need " " Wikipedia." "Okay, let's see here." "Old and blind, worst human being ever, killed by Robert Freeman, came back from the dead." "Wait, look at this." ""In his younger years,"" "colonel Stinkmeaner belonged to a crew of violent hoodlums known as the..." "Hateocracy?" ""Colonel H. Stinkmeaner..."" "Give me this [bleep] little nigga!" "It's my story!" "Now, my boy, lord Rufus Crabmiser, lady Esmeralda Gripenasty, and" "Mr. George Pissedofferson met at the better pastures retirement home." "Now, we hated each other right away, but we hated everyone else even more." "Oh, yum." "Jello jacked, nigga!" "Not again!" "A9." "A9." "Bingo, suckah!" "Bitch, turn your ass around and look at your damn card!" "I win, nigga!" "A, um..." "Subscription to reader's digest?" "Give me that [bleep] nigga!" "Move out the way, bitch!" "Ohh!" "Eventually, they couldn't take us no more, and they kicked us the [bleep] out." "My crew roamed the earth, whupping niggas' asses for a decade, and then we split up." ""Colonel H. Stinkmeaner died years later in a street fight with Robert Freeman from Woodcrest."" "Hey, that -- that's me!" "Once notified of Stinkmeaner's death, the surviving members of the hateocracy reunited to enact revenge on the Freeman family." "Oh, this is terrible!" "What did I do to deserve this?" "Uh..." "You killed a nigga?" "What's that got to do with anything?" "!" "Eventually, they're gonna find out where we live." "Man, I say we go out there and ride on these fools." "Yes!" "Let's kill them before they kill us." "That's a plan that can't go wrong." "What if it doesn't end there, granddad?" "This could go on forever." "I'm telling you, granddad, I know exactly how to handle this." "They want to go to war?" "I'll take them niggas to war." "What's up, bitch?" "!" "Ed, stop!" "That ain't them!" "Ohh!" "Reap the whirlwind, you sick bastards!" "Ed, stop!" "Stop!" "Aah!" "Okay." "That didn't work." "Well, at least you tried." "Some people think we should just sit here and wait to be killed." "Shoot." "We need protection." "But there's only one person who can help us now." "Yes?" "Yeah, is this Mr. Bushido brown?" "Now, see, you done already messed up." "My name is grand master Bushido Brown, and if you ain't got no money, this is about to be a real short conversation, you dig?" "Uh, how was your flight, Mr. Brown?" "First-class was comfortable, I hope." "Your time is running out." "What's the job?" "There's some people out to get us." "We need protection around the clock." "Man, I work for people with real money." "Judging from this place, y'all can't even afford Bushido Brown." "We'll pay whatever it costs." "How much it gonna cost?" "How much is your life worth?" "No, see, I'm asking you how much your bodyguard services are gonna cost." "And I'm asking you how much your life is worth, Jack." "Bushido brown services came with a whole lot of [bleep]" "The first was that he got to sleep in Robert's bed." "Robert "the bitch-ass" Freeman had to fly out two personal assistants, a cook, and a spiritual adviser, all first-class, all of whom stayed at they house." "Them niggas had to sleep in the living room." "The garage was converted into a workout room which only" "Bushido brown was allowed to use." "He also required 1 ,200-thread-count sheets, imported wagyu Kobe beef from Japan, and a tushioki hands-free auto-cleaning toilet, all at Robert's expense." "They found theyselves in a up position of wishing my crew would try to whup they asses even sooner!" "Attention, Laron -- your break is over." "Excuse m-- aah!" "Aah!" "Excuse me for a second." "I have to use the latrine." "Aah!" "No, wait!" "Stop!" "It's only 30 seconds late." "No, Bushido!" "No, don't do that, Bushido!" "Leave him alone, Bushido!" "Bushido!" "Brown!" "Brown!" "No, brown!" "No!" "That's my car!" "I can't stand this waiting." "I don't know how much longer I can afford this guy." "Why don't they try to kill us already?" "Damn." "Well, how do we know those crazy old coots are still even after us?" "Maybe they went home or died of old age or something." "That [bleep] ass toilet you bought just broke!" "You mean it won't flush?" "Did I say it won't flush?" "The hands-free cleaning system won't work." "I told you to get the tushioki 2200 series." "You got the 1100 series, and the level 1100 series is some serious [bleep]" "They didn't have the 2200 series." "That's your problem." "You better have a replacement before I have to take a [bleep] again." "Well, what if I can't get the replacement in time?" "Hey, I don't care if you wipe it but Bushido brown don't wipe his own ass." "Nigga, did you just tell me to wipe your ass?" "That's it!" "You fired!" "You're firing Bushido brown?" "You heard me!" "You and all these raggedy [bleep] you brought with you, get the [bleep] on!" "I'm sick of this [bleep]" "Now, you do understand, there's no refunds for early termination on our -- Whatever, nigga." "Beat it." "Wait!" "I changed my mind!" "Too late, old man." "Too..." "Late." "Now, if you want to hire me again, I might be available." "Okay, fine." "For double the fee." "Double the fee?" "But I've already paid you!" "Hey!" "This ain't a negotiation." "Take it or leave it." "If I was you, I'd take it." "Okay, fine, damn it!" "Ah, yes." "The legendary Bushido brown, the greatest black karate man to ever live." "That's "grand master"" "Bushido brown." "Of course it is." "Ooh." "Come on, boy." "Come on." "I ain't scared of you." "Watch that old lady!" "Ohh!" "Come on over here, nigga, and fight me." "Come on, fight like a man, you little punk bitch!" "I'll let your ass -- ooh, my wig!" "Hya-a-a-a-a-a-h!" "Yeah!" "Duck!" "Duck down!" "Bushido..." "Make your money!" "Oh!" "Dynomite!" "Whoo!" "It is a beautiful day to [bleep] up!" "Oh [bleep]" "Now what are we gonna do?" "Oh, man." "We gonna die now." "This is all your fault, granddad!" "Wait!" "This doesn't have to end this way." "Stinkmeaner's death was a huge mistake, but killing us isn't gonna bring him back." "He's right." "Look, what happened with Stinkmeaner -- it shouldn't have happened, okay?" "I admit it." "I was embarrassed 'cause I got beat up by an old man." "I was ashamed." "I could have walked away from it then, but I didn't." "I didn't mean to kill him." "It just happened." "It's my fault." "I'm sorry." "There " " I've said it." "I'm sorry." "It was wrong, and I wish I could take it back, but I can't." "So, please, please, can we just end this?" "Man, we don't give a [bleep]" "About no Stinkmeaner." "What?" "Just because he was our nigga doesn't mean we gave a [bleep]" "About his ass." "We don't need no reason to [bleep] up." "That's why we drink Hennessy!" "That's why we smoke menthols!" "That's why we's niggas!" "We likes to ruin [bleep]" "Hell, y'all just gave us an excuse." "If it wasn't you, we'd probably just pick someone random and ruin they life." "Huh?" "Oh, come on!" "Well, now what?" "Now you die." "Ooh-hoo, the police." "Thank God for the pol" " I mean, uh..." "Who snitched?" "!" "Who called the Po-Po?" "All right, you three are under arrest for the murder of" "Bushido brown." "Oh, thank you, officer." "Thank you!" "I can't believe somebody snitched." "That's gay." "These three won't be bothering you anymore." "But why do you think they were after you guys specifically?" "It was a nigga moment." "Oh, of course -- nigga moment." "Well, there's only one way to end a nigga moment for good --jail." "Jail?" "Jail." "That makes sense!" "Jail!" "Isn't that great, Huey?" "Jail!" "Of course!" "Oh, thank God for jail." "Glad we could help." "And that's the moral of the story." "Some niggas just need to go to jail." "I might be in hell, but at least I ain't in jail, nigga." "Niggas." "Let me out this [bleep] car!" "I can't believe somebody snitched." "Niggas is out here like running faucets." "Y'all can get off my property now." "And make sure you clean this headless dickhead off my yard." "And get that ass-squirting toilet out of my house, too!" "♪ Buh buh, Ba-dah ♪" "♪ Ba-dah, Ba-dah ♪" "♪ Ba-da Ba-da Ba-Dee Ba Ba-Dow ♪" "♪ Ba she-Ba-da-Ba Ba-do ♪" "♪ bee Ba, Ba-Dee, Ba-do, da De ♪" "♪ a bee-da-Ba-da bee-da-Ba-da ♪" "♪ Ba Ba-da ♪" "Let's swing it!" "♪ Bee-da-Ba-da Ba-da ♪" "♪ bee-da-Ba-da Ba-da ♪" "♪ bum bum, bum bum, bum ♪" "Oh!" "Ah!" "Yeah, that's good!"