" Uh... excusez-moi?" "Uh, ou est la rue Sherbrooke, s'il vous plait?" " Sorry, do I know you?" " Huh?" " You look familiar." " No." "Sorry." "It's my first time here." " Oh, sorry." "What's the, uh, what's the cross street?" " Uh, I'm looking for Aylmer?" "I'm looking for my hotel, so..." " Oh, yeah, it's right up here." "I'm going that way;" "I'll show you." " Okay." " Where you from?" " T-O." " Really?" "First time visiting?" " Yeah." "Yeah, all right, it's disgraceful." " Wow." "What's the verdict?" " Oh, it's great." "It's, uh... it's, uh..." "I dunno, the mountain, good food... (car horn honking)" "Oh, god, I had putain today!" "It was awesome." " Sorry... putain - you mean "poutine," right?" "Putain is "whore" in French." " Right." "So I just told you I ate a..." "I ate a whore?" "Right." "Uh, okay, whatever." "Um, I dunno, rude waiters." " Oh, yeah." " Uh... yeah, it seems like everyone's got it together." "It's got that certain, I dunno, je ne sais quoi." " Ah, you do speak French." " Yeah, not really." " No, it was good." "This is me." "You're, uh, straight down here on the left." "You'll hit Sherbrooke." "This is Aylmer." " Okay." " Manny." " Hey, Manny." "I'm Alex." " Nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you." "Thanks a lot for..." " Okay..." "I'll see ya." " See ya!" " Wow." "Hey!" "D'you like meat?" "!" " What?" "!" " Meat!" "You know, are you a vegetarian?" "!" " What?" "...back over." "Be careful!" "(car honking)" "I know this great, out-of-the-way Portuguese dive where the waiters are so rude and they don't..." "It wouldn't be in this little guidebook here." "Omigod, they make the best grilled calamari." "Uh, fish, lamb..." " D'you own cowboy boots?" " Yeah." " Sorry, it's just something I ask all the guys I meet." " Oh." "Okay." " Whatever." "Uh, okay, so who the hell are you, anyway?" " Well, I don't know who the hell I am, but I can take a guess at who you are." " Really?" " Yeah." " Oh, please." " Let's see, uh..." "Let me guess, photojournalist." " What?" " Well, I mean, you got a heavy-duty Nikon, old-school, you got super-comfy-looking walking shoes." "Only the best for you, I can tell." "I know everything, I do." " Oh, really?" " Yep." " Please, tell me, Sherlock, how is my night gonna end?" " Well, okay, well, let's see." "You're gonna join me upstairs for a few drinks and, then, uh, we'll chat all night, fall asleep in each other's arms - no sex - followed by a lazy Sunday-morning breakfast, lots of goodies, CBC radio..." "Oh, and did I mention, you're gonna fall madly in love with me, have my babies and when I die, you're gonna be chained to my coffin and buried with me." " Okay - psycho." "Whatever." "How do you know I'm not taken?" "Or a bona-fide lesbian?" " Ooh." "Simple." "Do you own a vibrator?" " Excuse me?" " Come on, we're adults here." " No, I don't think so." "Uh, I don't..." " Okay, if I had to guess, you'd have either a Twist Vibe..." " Okay, what is this, like, Penthouse Forum?" " No, no, no, wait." "You got a Beyond 2000." " Okay, help, anybody." "Excuse me!" " Okay." " Hello?" "Anybody?" " I'm a pussycat." "I'm kidding." " Yeah, I don't think so." "Thanks." "Thanks..." "for the offer of a lifetime." "I got a train to catch." " Come on, you know you're a little curious." "Huh?" "Look, just let go, live." "What do you say?" "Pass me your Ericsson." " What?" " Phone, please." "We're not getting any younger here." " Okay, please don't..." " Ericsson." "Told you." "What's your best friend's name?" " Brilliant." "You're so smart." "What?" " Huh?" "What's your best friend's name?" "Uh, Andrea?" "Amanda?" "Allison?" " Alice." " Okay, Alice, good." "What's her number?" "416..." " Uh-uh-uh." "Wrong." " 905." "I should've known." "Nine..." "Sorry." "Okay..." " Gimme that phone." " Thank you." "You think she's home?" "Huh?" " I don't know." " Oh, it's ringing." "Hello, Alice?" "Hey, this is Manny from Montreal..." "Yeah, Manny." "Actually, I'm standing here with your stunningly gorgeous, uh, friend Alex and I was wondering if she would join me upstairs for a drink or two - with your permission, of course." "Uh... why does everybody think I'm a psycho?" " Yeah, 'cause you are?" " How about this - you got a pen and paper handy?" "Okay, take this down, okay?" "You ready?" "Okay, I live at 3-0-0-1 Aylmer..." "Yeah, A-y-l-m-e-r, number three;" "phone number: 514-555-1971 ..." "Yeah." "Just in case, uh, your little friend here doesn't show up to class tomorrow, you'll know where to find her." "Okay, thanks." "Your turn." " Hello?" "(men shouting)" "Hello, Alice..." "(men laughing)" "Yes." "Okay, there's some crazy people here..." "Uh, yeah..." "I'm fine." "Fine." "Yeah." "(man):" "You've done this before?" " Okay." "Yeah, I just, uh..." "I just met him on the street." "Yeah." "Oh, he's fine..." "He's okay-looking." "I'd say no Brad Pitt, though." "Yeah." "Okay." "I will." "Listen, I'll call you when I get back tomorrow?" " Okay." "Uh... yeah." "Okay, I love you too." "What?" "Oh, hold on a second." "She needs you." "Sorry, yeah." " Hello." "Hey, Alice, how are ya?" "..." "Oh, yeah." "Sure, yeah." "Um... yeah, I'm 5'8", 150 pounds - naked - uh... 32, single, no skeletons," "I teach sculpture and painting." "I'm Mediterranean-looking." "Oh, yeah, absolutely, she's a great catch." "Okay, I promise, I'll take good care of her." "All right, Alice, you take care." "I hope to meet you." "Okay, bye." " Okay..." "Great." "Yeah." "(Alex groaning) Omigod, what am I doing?" " Don't worry, I don't bite." "You can smack me if I step out of line." " Hey, listen..." "I'm not having sex with you." "Got it?" " Save it for the judge." " By the way..." "I'm a Twist Vibe girl." " Jesus." "Whoo!" "Welcome." "Please, make yourself at home and excuse the mess." " Wow, nice place." " Thanks." "I, uh, decorated it myself." "Most people think I'm gay, but, you know, straight men can't really have any taste." " Yeah, right." "(Manny laughing)" "Where have all the cowboys gone?" " Huh?" " Mm, nothing." "It's just this photo essay I'm working on." " Oh, go on." " No, I don't wanna bore you." " No, no, no, no, no, no." "Try me." "Try me." "Oh, jeez, sorry." " Sorry." "Sorry." " You okay?" " Oh, yeah, I'm fine." " Sorry." " It's, uh... w-what..." "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" "It's about the extinction of the real man." "The Marlon Brandos, the Paul Newmans, the Rock Hudsons..." " Mm." " Even if he was gay, he was a real man." "What are we left with?" "Uh, the - urck - the Keanu Reeves, the Ben Afflecks." "No." " Ugh." " No, thank you." "Straight men fall into two categories today:" "The macho man or the girly boy." " Macho man or girly boy." "I like that." "Let's see what we got to drink here." "Huh?" "Uh..." "I got V8, I got Perrier," "I got, uh, soy milk," "I've got champagne... (laughing)" "I guess I am a bit of a girly boy." "I've got, uh, white wine," "I have some red over there if you want." " I'll have white wine." " White's good?" " Sure." " Oh, actually, it's open, but I just opened it last night." "It's good." "It's a good wine." "Fleur du Champ." " Heh-heh." "(Manny laughing)" "Is this you here?" " Oh, yeah, that's me and my best buddy, Garns." "We're in, uh..." "we're in Thailand." "It's unbelievable." " Really?" " Yeah." "We got, like, thousands of fish zooming around us there and we're feeding them bananas and they're eating it from our hands." " That's a bana..." " Is that cool?" " Wow." "Have you been to all these places?" " Yeah." "I've gotten to travel a lot, actually." "It's, uh..." "I'm lucky." " Wow." " Here you go." " Oh, thanks." " You're welcome." "Uh... sante." " Yasou." " Very good." "Let me guess, you've been to, um..." "Mykonos, Santorini, and..." "Corfu." " Mm..." " The Pink Palace!" " The Pink Palace." " Uh-uh." " Yeah." " That place was crazy." " I know." " Here's to the Pink Palace." " You..." " What?" " You hungry?" "Nothing?" "No?" "I was just, uh..." "You want... you wanna to nibble on something?" "No?" "I get..." "I get this, um..." "I get this nervous twitch every time I get close to, uh... first." " Huh." "Don't kid yourself." "You're still at bat." " Ooh." "Um... do you wanna go get some bite to eat or something?" " Don't change the subject." " Oh, no, I'm not." "(fart-like sound)" "(Alex laughing)" " Oh, did you fart?" "Did you just fart?" " No, I did not." "Did you?" "What was that?" "Was that your buzzer?" "That was crazy." "No, seriously." "What was that?" " I don't know." "Maybe it was my phone." "Whatever." " D'you wanna go get something to eat?" " No." " You sure?" "Wow." "(Alex laughing)" "(click!" ")" "(laughter)" "You just took a picture?" "Omigod." "(whispering)" "Hold that thought, hold that thought." " Okay." " Hey." "Look." "(Alex laughing)" "(moaning)" "(moaning)" " Peanut butter!" " Oh!" "Oof!" "Oh!" "Oh... my god." " What did you say?" " Huh?" "What?" " What did you just say?" "What did you just say?" " No, I didn't say anything." " I just heard you say something." " No-o-o." " Yeah-ah-ah." "What did you say?" " I may have s..." "Uh..." "I may have thought something, but I didn't say it out loud." " What did you say?" " No, come on." "You're starting to scare me." " I heard you say six words." "What did you say?" " No." " Yes." " "Omigod, I love you."" " Omigod, that's exactly what I heard you say." "(jazz music playing)" "(lowering volume)" " You like?" " What the hell are they?" " What do you think?" " What do I think?" " Mm-hmm." " I think, uh... when I, uh, take a photo..." "I make sure" "I can capture a moment in time that will last forever." "Otherwise, I don't bother." " I paint with my penis." " Very funny." " No, I do." "That's what these all are." "This is how it goes." "Basically, I get it going," "I, uh, slap on a condom and then, you know, I get the paint and I go at it, until, I, uh..." "I mean, not on the canvas, of course." "It's amazing." "And it's done with complete respect, and they're flying off the shelves." "I just got commissioned for some abstract portraits, like these." " Okay... that's weird." " "Peanut butter!" That's weird." " Yeah, okay, okay." "I was, uh, wondering when you were gonna ask." " I'm all ears." " Well, uh..." "I dunno, ever since I could remember, every time I have an orgasm - be it self-pleasured or with someone " "I blurt something out." "(Manny laughing)" " Like what?" " Mm..." "like the words are never random." "It seems my, uh... subconscious takes me back to my childhood." "Like a regression or something." " Rosebud." " Citizen Kane." "Exactly." " Nice." " Uh... top five?" " Top five, yeah." " Uh..." "Pop Rocks." "Mm..." " Pop Rocks!" " Yeah." " Slip 'N Slide." "Abba, Fun Dip, Swimsuit Barbie." "Nice." " I used to..." " Oh, wait." "Once when I was with some dude, I yelled, "Alex loves Daddy!"" " No way." " Yeah." " What happened?" " This guy raised his voice and said, "Daddy loves Alex, too."" " God." " Gross." "Totally wigged me out." "I sent him home - buh-bye." "Hey, what time is it?" " Uh, now it's like, uh..." "it's almost 10." " I should probably go." "I, uh..." "I have a train to catch in the morning." " Well, I ain't kicking you out." " Yeah..." "What is this?" " Uh..." "I dunno." " Exactly." "I'm going." " Well, look, look, you can go, but I don't think you want to." "Because... you can't deny what's been happening here." " Okay, what's been happening here?" " Well, you know what?" "I don't know either, but it's something." "All I know is I'm having a phenomenal time with you and, you know, why don't we just see where this goes." "Okay, look, here it is." "Ready?" "The last hour has been filled with unexplained X-Files, right?" "So we're gonna give it back to chance." "That's what we're gonna do." "I'm gonna ask you a series of questions." "All right?" "Take one of these." " What?" " Okay." "And we'll compare answers." "So..." "Come sit up here next to me." " Okay, this is, like, uh, tribal council or something?" " Okay, humour me." "Here." "Ah-ah-ah!" "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry." "Shoes on the couch - can't." " Okay, well, I'm not taking my shoes off, so pick." "Sit next to you, shoes...?" " Okay, one sec." "Here." "One sec." "Mm-hmm." "Wait." "Here you go." " It's like my red carpet." "Okay, okay." "All right." " Ah-ah-ah." " Relax." "Okay, relax." " All right." "First question:" "What is your favourite colour?" " This is so weird." "Okay, whatever." " Okay, three favourite cuisines." " Close, no cigar." " Okay, French borders..." "France borders Italy," "Thai, Vietnam - same thing." " Okay, you're grasping at straws here, Mediterranean man." " Ooh." " Fine." "Favourite season." "What's your sign?" " Sagi." "You?" " Leo." " Leo?" "Isn't that now?" " Mm-hmm." " Well, when's your birthday?" " Two days ago." " Happy belated birthday!" " Thank you!" " Both fire signs." " Whatever." "It doesn't mean anything." "Okay, uh, favourite day of the week." " Sunday." " Favourite ice-cream flavour." " Ben  Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar." "Mm..." " Choice between playing a cowboy or an Indian." " A girly gay-boy Indian." " Whatever." "Uh, favourite flower." " Daisy." " Favourite play." "No." "Yeah, favourite play." " Play?" "Streetcar Named Desire." " Fine." "Favourite position?" " Girl on top." " Fuck." "Okay, fine, I'll end this now and forever." "What's your most favourite place in the entire world?" " Easy." "Paris." " Okay, what's your second-most- favourite place in the world?" " The Louvre." "Actually, I just bought a book on it today." " Okay, fine." "You're an art thief." " Mm-hmm." " Which piece of art would you steal first?" " Out of the tens of thousands of rooms?" " Mm-hmm." " Easy." " Fine." "Go." " All right." "(mimicking "Jeopardy" music)" " Hurry up." "Pick it out." "Hurry up." " One second, I got the page..." "Aha." "Omigod, it's gorgeous." "Antonio Canova's Eros and Psyche." "The song, the dance, the romance." "It's absolutely beautiful." " Okay, you know what?" "I..." "I have to go, actually." " Omigod, wh-why are you fighting it?" " Omigod, what am I doing?" "I don't believe in these things." "My god, I can't believe I just fucked some cock artist" "I just met on the fucking street!" " Okay, just relax, breathe." " Okay, do you have AIDS?" " What?" " Hepatitis?" "Herpes?" " No." " Any other incurable diseases" "I should know?" " No." "Do you?" "We used a condom." " I don't even know your fucking last name, right?" "Omigod, I'm totally crazy." " Alex, you're not crazy." "You're beautiful." "Wait!" "All right, I'll be here!" "I'll be here." "(knocking)" "(knocking)" "(with accent):" "Good evening." "Welcome back." "Please..." "What take so long?" " Hmm." "Was that our first fight?" " I love make-up sex." " What happens in the end?" " I dunno." "I guess we'll find out soon enough." "(Alex laughing)" " One rule." "No falling in love." " Deal." " Deal." "(with accent):" "Please, right this way." "Okay?" " Hey." "What the hell happened here?" " Ah, romantic evening for two." "In every room, the birthday girl will find a lovely gift." "Five rooms, five surprises." " No." " Yes." "It's so a belated birthday, does not matter." " Okay, where do we start?" " Hey, let's crack this sucker open first." "Please, if you would do the honours." "Kitchen." " Igor." " Thank you." "Whoo-whoo." " Okay..." "Ah!" " It's smoking." " Sorry." " Here, hold this for a sec?" "Okay." "(Alex giggling)" "Okay." " Cheers." " Salute!" " Ooh." "I just inhaled the bubbles." " I just spilt..." " Mm..." "Okay, so where do we start?" "Okay." "What am I looking for?" "Okay." " Look, I had to improvise, okay?" "Crack it open." "The note's in the bread." " Okay." " Aha." " Very moist." ""Baguettes of France are found mainly in my... pants!"" " French cuisine!" " Loser." "No." " Hello." " French cuisine." " Ooh-ooh!" "Welcome back." " Okay..." " Freezer." " Freezer?" " Freezer." " "You can't go far without your Coffee Heath Bar!"" "Oh..." "Oh, no way!" "Hold that." "Oh, yeah." " Yummy, yummy, yummy." " Mm-mm." "Mm..." " Yes, please." "Yes, please." " Ooh." "Ooh." "Mm." " Mm." " Mm." "Mm..." "Oop." " Oh, did I mention - a little hanky-panky is permitted in every station?" "Mm." " I can't open my mouth yet." " Bathroom." " Okay, okay." "Mm, so good." "Okay." ""Roses are red, violets are blue," "I know I'm awesome and so are you."" "Dork." " Mm..." " Thank you." "(cellphone ringing)" " Mm-mm." " Mm." " Mm-mm." "(cellphone ringing) Don't answer." " Mm-mm." "(ringing)" "You know what?" "I bet you it's Alice." " Mm..." " She's calling to check on me." "(ringing)" "Alice." "(ringing)" "Hello, bud." "Yeah." "How are you?" "Yes, I'm okay." " Oh!" " Mm-hmm." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "So I will call you when I get in tomorrow." "Okay." "Thanks for calling." "Bye." " Living room." " Streetcar Named Desire." " Open." "I marked Scene 8." "Let's read it." " Mm..." " Oh, come on, it's my favourite." " No." " This..." "Uh, Stanley has just told Blanche that he..." "Actually, he gave her a bus ticket home as a birthday gift and Stella's pissed at him for the way that he's treated..." " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah, I know." " I know." "Okay." "Great." "Right there." " "You didn't need to do that."" " "Oh, don't forget all I took off of her."" "(Alex giggling)" " "You needn't've been so cruel to someone alone as she is."" " "Delicate piece she is."" " "She is." "She was." ""You didn't know Blanche as a girl." ""Nobody, nobody was as tender and trusting as she was." "But people like you abused her and forced her to change."" ""You think you going bowling now?"" " "Sure."" " "You're not going bowling now." "Why did you do this to her?"" " "I didn't do nothing to no one." "Let go of my shirt!" "You torn my shirt!"" " "I wanna know why!" "Tell me why!"" " "When we first met, me and you," ""you thought I was common." ""And how right you was, baby." "I was common as dirt." ""And you showed me the snapshot of that place with the columns" ""and I pulled you down off them columns" ""and how you loved it, having them columns light up." ""Huh?" "And wasn't we happy together?" ""Wasn't it okay," ""until she showed here?" ""Hey, wasn't we happy?" ""Just you and me, together, until she showed here," "Miss Hoity-Toity, calling me some kind of ape."" ""Hey." "Hey, hey, what is it, Stella?"" ""Stella?"" "(whispering):" "Are you okay?" " "Take me to the hospital."" " That's the best." " Who is this man?" " Mm..." " Oh, where did he come from?" "Ow." "(Alex giggling)" "Ah..." "It's blank." " We paint our own canvas now." "(Alex laughing)" " Cock artist." " Second base?" " Girl on top!" " Oh, yeah!" " Peanut butter." "Olivia Newton John?" "!" " Okay, they're gonna get better." "Just wait." "I've got chills" "They're multiplying" "And I'm losing control" "'Cause the power you're supplying" "It's electrifying" "You better shape up" "Cause I need a man" "And my heart is stuck on you You-ou-ou" "Better shape up" "You better understand Understand" "To my heart I must be true" "Nothing left Nothing left for me to do" "You're the one that I want You are the one I want" "Ooh ooh ooh" "You're the one that I want You are the one I want" "Ooh ooh ooh" "You're the one that I want You are the one I want" "Ooh ooh ooh" "You're the one I need" "Oh yes indeed" " Wow!" " Ha-ha!" "Greased Lightning!" "What's that bracelet all about?" " This one?" " Yep." " Um, I'm allergic to nuts and stuff." " Really?" "What happens?" " Mm..." "I could blow up like a balloon." "Hasn't happened in years." "It's nothing, really." "Hey, tell me more about that photo essay." " What, Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" " Yeah." " Oh..." "Their days are numbered." "Chivalry is dead." "Know what gets me the most?" " Mm." " Guys don't even open car doors anymore." " Mm." " It's true." " Am I a cowboy, or still a girly boy?" "(Alex laughing)" " Okay, scenario." "A guy and a girl walk into a crowded room, what's the first thing they notice?" " Uh..." " Okay, a girl... walks into a room, first thing she's doing, she's checking out the other babes." "Like, "Damn, what's that chick wearing'?" you know?" ""Does she look better than I do?"" "Right?" "Okay?" "Anyway, after all that's finished, she then checks out and looks for a dude." "You know, like where's her Brad Pitt?" " Her cowboy." " Exactly." "Second and third thing a girl notices in a guy." " Shoot." " Shoes, wristwatch." "Signs of hunting and gathering." "Stability." "It's serious." "It's really important to a woman." "Even if it's buried deep in her subconscious." " Have you noticed what I've been wearing?" " Omega, Kenneth Cole." " Unbelievable." " Mm, $85,000 to 90,000." " Do I pass?" "Are you staying or going?" " Mm..." "So far so good." "Your turn." "Your turn." " What is this, a test?" " Come on, humour me." " What, guys in a bar?" " Mm-hmm." " All right, you put us cowboys in a bar... the only thing we're looking for is babes." "That's it." " Second and third thing?" " Babes." " Come on, that you notice in a woman." " I don't." " Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa." "Oh, a cock-artist prick like yourself?" "You must notice." "O-kay." "I guess you're no cowboy." " All right." "I cannot date a chick who has bad feet." "I just can't." " Really." " Mm-hmm." " How do you get her shoes off?" " I got it all worked out." "(Alex laughing)" " I bet you do." " I do." " Anal retentive." "(laughter)" " Let me check." " Come on!" " Oh, look at these!" "Huh?" "I know this great, out-of-the-way Portuguese dive where the waiters are so rude..." "Omigod, you have beautiful feet!" "No, they're gorgeous." " C'mon." "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon." "More cheesy songs, cowboy." "Give me some songs." " You want a song?" " Yep." " Okay." "Ready?" "(humming)" "Rising up back on the street" " Rocky." "Took my time took my chances" "Went the distance now I'm back on my feet" "Just a man and his will to survive" " Oh, oh, oh!" "It's the eye of the tiger" "It's the thrill of the fight" "Rising up to the..." "la-la-la-la-la-la-la" "Oh, oh, okay." "I can never tell the difference between Star Wars and Superman." "Ready?" " Okay." "(humming Superman theme)" " Okay?" " Star Wars." "(humming Star Wars theme)" "Star Wars." " I told you!" "That's hilarious, right, those two?" " Okay, favourite '80s movie." "Here it is." "First when there's nothing" "But a slow-glowing dream" "And na na na" "Seems to hide deep inside" "Oh my" " Yeah!" "La la la take the da da" "(Manny laughing)" "Close my eyes feel the rhythm" "In a world made of steel" "Made of stone" "Oh what a feeling" "I am rhythm now" " Yes!" "Bein's believing" "I am ma ma ma ma ma" " Take the blouse off." "We can dance..." "(laughter)" " That's awesome." "Oh, I got one more." "But you can't make me laugh." " Okay." " You ready?" " Mm-hmm." " No laughing." " Okay." "(cooing)" " No." "(warbling Godfather theme)" " What the hell is that?" "What is that?" " Come on, you gotta know that." " Just..." "Come on." " My favourite movie." "Second favourite." " What is it?" " Godfather." " Oh, yeah!" "That's hilarious." "Okay, uh... one more, one more." "I'll give you, uh..." " Gimme a kiss." " I'll give you a sweet song." " Okay." " Okay?" "Uh..." "Ah, this is one of my favourites." " Sorry." "How can you just turn and walk away" "When all I can do is watch you leave" "'Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain" "We've even shared the tears" "You're the only one" "Who really knew me at all" "So take a look at me now" "There's just an empty space" "There's nothing left here" "To remind me" "Just the memory of your face" "Take a look at me now" "I love that song." " Beautiful." " Can I tell you a secret?" " Yeah." " Okay." " What?" "Can't hear what you're saying." "Okay, dude, I can't hear you." "You're, like, mumbling." "(spitting)" " Oh!" "Omigod!" "(Alex laughing) That's it, you're going down!" "(Alex screeching)" "Ooh, ticklish, huh?" "!" " Stop it!" "Stop it!" "I give up!" "Oh!" " Time for the steamroller!" " Oh!" " Steamroller!" "(farting) Ah-ah." " Omigod." " Did you just...?" "You just..." "(muffled exclamation)" " Ah, excuse-moi!" " That was..." "You're hilarious!" " No." " Come out from the pillow." " Oh..." " Come out." " Oh, how embarrassing." "How embarrassing!" "(Manny laughing)" "Oh..." "Everyone's gotta have a first fart, right?" "(Manny laughing) Stop." "Are you with anyone?" " No." "You?" " No one." " We'll just play it by ear, you know, one day at a time." "What?" "W-what d'you want me to say?" " It's not good enough." "It's not good enough." " Well, at this part of the game, that's all you get." "Remember the deal?" "No falling in love." " Yeah, but..." " What?" " Never mind." " No, no, no." "Say it." "(coughing)" " Sai... sai habibi." " Listen, I could never go out with a guy who plays air guitar while he dances or a guy who has a black light in his bedroom." " Oh, black light, that's terrible." "I could never go out with a chick who starts popping zits on my back or blackheads off my nose." "You know..." " No, no, no." "I could never go out with a guy who wears white socks." " White socks." " Well, if he has runners on, that's fine." "But otherwise, no!" " Forget about it." "I couldn't date a chick if she was, like, throwing a party and she was my girlfriend and I went over there and she pulled out those little, um, wineglass charms." "You know, those little things that hang off the tip of the glasses?" "Omigod." " Okay, I would never go on a second date with a guy who slabs butter on a piece of bread and then tears it apart with his teeth like a fucking caveman." " Wow." "Elephant shoes." " What?" " Oh, right." "I love you?" "I haven't heard that in a long time." " My last girlfriend used to, uh, nag me about overusing the word "love."" "She said that if you overused it too much, it would lose its meaning." "So I would say "elephant shoes."" " Elephant shoes." " Yeah." "And then that wore itself out and then I had to improvise and I started creating, like, little phrases with beautiful images, like "Purple ladybugs crawling up your arm"" "and "A tiny plant in a tiny little pot."" "You know, random thoughts that pop into my head, whatever." " Random thoughts." "Like, uh, "peanut butter,"" ""Olivia Newton John."" " Yeah." " Were you two in love?" " Yeah." " Tell me about her." " A girl..." "I trusted who fooled me big-time." "You know, like the romantic love that gets away?" "And when it gets too far, forget it, right?" "I mean, you eventually meet somebody else, you have great times;" "you know, maybe make plans, get married, have kids." "State of bliss, but... one morning you wake up and then you realize you're, like, in a, uh..." "Ioveless relationship - no desire - and bam, you start looking for that romantic love again, you know?" "Like the one that you think about every day, the one you pine over." "Everybody's got one, it's just nobody does anything about it." "Because they don't wanna "upset the balance."" "Whatever." "You know, a committed relationship is as much fun as a prison sentence." "No, thank you." "Mm-mm." "Sometimes I catch myself still looking for her in crowds." " God, you're depressing." " Well, I mean, bottom line is, we're spoiled." "Right?" "We're spoiled." "I mean, our parents were never like that." "Here." "Given the choice of marrying your future husband and Brad Pitt, you'd choose the cowboy, right?" " Probably." " Yeah." "True recipe for disappointment." " Hmm." " You?" "Love?" " Once." "But unlike yours, it was purely sexual." " Hmm." "That explains a lot." " Oh, you're gonna tell my story?" " No." " Okay." " Sorry." " Anyway... you ever have one of those times when all the bedroom furniture disappears?" " Mm." " It was just the two of us... and pure emotion." "Then I woke up one morning and all the furniture had reappeared." "It freaked me out." "I panicked, so I ran." "I became a serial monogamist." "One orgasm, the next orgasm, the next, the next, the next." "I haven't been satisfied since." " I know what you mean." " Sex." " And romance." " Mm, it's hard to find." "I'm like a bird" "I wanna fly away" "I don't know where my home is" "I only know where my soul is" " Bird." " Player." " Player?" " Uh-huh." " Hey, can you do this?" "I bet you can't." "Put your fingers in your mouth and you say "puck" three times." "Like this, really wide." "Okay?" " Fuck." " Yeah." "Say it." "Say it real loud." " Fuck, fuck, fuck." "Very funny." "Very funny." " Ouch!" " Sorry." " What was that?" " You have a zit on your back." " Omig..." "What... what did I say?" "Here we go." "First, you're gonna be popping zits, then you're gonna be pushing blackheads out of my nose." "I swear to god, you'll be plucking nose hair from my nose by morning." "Hey, you farted... earlier." "What was that?" " I dunno." " Huh?" "I thought girls didn't fart." "I thought girls didn't fart." " Okay." "Sorry." " Okay." "Hey!" " Sorry." " What did I...?" "Ouch." "I don't think you're sorry." "That's it, I'm out." "That's all." "All you get." "Ooh!" " You know, I don't trust you." "Just look at you." "The things you do, the things you say..." "And you take baths." "(Manny laughing)" "Please." "(Alex laughing)" "Oh, wait a minute, I didn't look at the magazines." " Oh, that's my..." " Yeah, let's see, what've we got here?" ""The Secret to a Happy Marriage"." "Isn't that sweet?" ""The Tools to a Sensitive Man"." "So sensitive..." "Very funny, Manny." "Manny?" "Manny, get up." "Manny." "Manny." "Manny." "Manny!" "Manny!" "Manny?" "Manny?" "Manny, Manny, Manny!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Omigod, my boyfriend, he's freaking out!" "He's freaking out!" "I don't know!" "He's shaking!" "He's on the ground!" "Oh, god!" "He's freaking out!" "What?" "!" "What?" "!" "Omigod..." "(speaking incoherently)" "I can't read it, I can't read it!" "Epileptic!" "Omigod." "Hello." "Are you okay?" " Yeah." "What the fuck was that?" " What the fuck was that?" "What the fuck was that?" " Sorry." "I get these things two or three times a year and..." "I dunno," "I usually take drugs to control it." "I mean, it doesn't affect my day-to-day." " Great." "So why didn't you tell me?" " Didn't think you needed to know just yet." "I was..." " So, what, it's a need-to-know basis?" "You can pick and choose what game plan best suits you here?" " Did I say that?" " Then what?" " What are we talking about here?" " No games, no bullshit." "Okay?" "Everything put on the table." " Hey, I'm not hiding anything." " Okay, you know what?" "I cannot deal with this." "Another..." "another macho fucking coward." "Okay, you know, all the things you say to me and the things you do and the way you touch me and the way you love me... they're all just lies too?" " No." " I don't wanna think about you with any... anybody." "I want you to paint me." "I want you to paint me." " Ready, set, go." "How do you get..." "(pop!" ")" "Omigod!" " I got a good bag." " My bag sucks." " No." ""Bonbon petillant."" " That was a big one." " Exploding candy." "Wow." "Oh!" "(popping)" "Delayed." " Yeah." " Mm, c'mere." "So, uh... my last name?" " Yeah." " Hold on to your dictionary." "Stephanopoulos." " No." " Yep, just like it sounds." "Stephanopoulos." " Like Clinton's adviser." " Yeah, exactly." "No relation." " Get ready for mine." "Hold on to your dictionary." "Smith." " Smith." "Yeah." " Total white-bread." " Alex Smith." " That's it." "Are your parents still together?" " Mm-hmm." "You?" " My dad left when I was five." "Brothers and sisters?" " Three sisters." "I'm the baby." " Ah-ha-ha-ha." "Figures." "I got a Pop..." " I got it, I got it." " I have one, uh... half-sister." " You have a half-sister?" " Younger." "I like the left side of the bed." "(Manny clicking tongue)" " Okay." " We're gonna need to redecorate." " Mm-hmm." " I'm open." " What about marriage?" "Kids?" " Hey, look, it's the paperboy." "Hey." " Hey." " Well." " Read the headlines." " Let's see what we got here." "Hmm." "Awesome." "Gold is up... gas is down..." "And look, here it says, "Scientists have discovered... that love really does exist."" "Okay." " Very funny." " Right here." "Wow." "Wow." "Just like a Sunday morning" "Wanna dance?" "Just like a Sunday morning" "You're just like a Sunday morning" "You're just like a Sunday morning" "You're just like a Sunday morning" "Makes me wanna sing" "La la la la la la la la..." " Stop it." "Stop it!" " Ahhh!" "(Alex laughing)" " What the hell?" " Blackheads." " What?" "Omigod." " I gotcha." " Scared the bejeebees out of me." " Don't have a seizure." " Hi there." " Good morning." " I can wake up to that face every morning." "What time is it?" " I dunno." "Time to make me breakfast." "Breakfast." "Ew, ew, ew!" " Silly." "Ew, I got bad breath." " Ew." " Sorry." "Make you some breakfast?" " Mm-hmm." " OK, sweet heart." " Breakfast, breakfast, breakfast." "Ahhhh!" "(laughing)" " A little nookie-nookie before breakfast?" " No, smelly breath." " All right, I'm going." "(Alex laughing)" "Do you want coffee or tea?" "!" " Uh, coffee, please!" " Hi." " Hello." "I'm gonna take a shower." " Okay." "Wow, what a nice lady in my house!" "I'm gonna dance for you now!" "Dance all night!" "Whoo!" "(kettle whistling)" "Orange juice!" "Orange juice!" "Very ready!" "(Alex singing in shower)" " Manny." "Manny, can I have a towel, please?" " Huh?" " Can I have a towel, please?" " Yep!" "Uh-huh, uh-huh, whoo!" "You sexy mama!" "Look how pretty you are." "Here you go." " Thank you." " Ahh!" "Hello." "(Alex laughing)" " I love it, I love it." "Can you take this to the table for me, and just push it down slowly?" "You got it?" " Yeah." " It's hot." "You got it?" "Okay." "Slowly." "Okay..." "Ah..." "Here." "Oh, do you like soy milk?" "Or regular milk?" " Mm... regular." " Regular?" "Ooh!" "Uh..." "Voila." "Bon appetit." " Where will we be 25 years from now?" " Hmm." "Well, you're gonna be a photographer of the stars." " Oh." " Well-travelled, married, two kids..." "Divorced to a super-celebrity." " Whoa." " Still hot." "Mrs. Robinson type." "Yummy mummy." "Nailing one of your son's friends from time to time." "Oh, and did I mention you're gonna be pining over me and, um, looking through the obits, you know, to see if I've passed on." " Hmm." " Yeah." " You're gonna meet and marry some young, sweet-ass beautician who gives you the best manicures and blowjobs." " Uh-uh." " Yeah." "And then, uh... let's see, you'll move to the sticks, have, uh..." "be a high-school art teacher, five kids, two cars." " Wow." " Before you know it, you're... gonna have to give up cock painting as your little Miss Wifey tells you not to do it anymore." "Just for kicks, though, you'll cruise the streets late at night, uh..." "looking for runaways." "Pick 'em up, smoke 'em up, take 'em to the local-area, you know, uh... parking lot and do the fucky-fucky." " Have a good life." " Yeah." "You too." " It's not like a real relationship wouldn't have fizzled out anyway." " Well, it was just a half-day relationship, really." " It's well-said." " So... this is how it ends." " It's not like being married or something, right?" " Oh, yeah." "Right." " Whoo, it's a weight off my shoulders." " Ooh, yeah, it's a huge relief." " No regrets." " No." "I'm gonna miss you." " Well, they say long distance... never works." "You know?" " Yeah." "I, uh... gotta make tracks." " You probably missed your train already." " Yeah, right." "Well, I'll catch the next one." " Hey, hey, hey." "Listen to me." "Look at me." "I want you in my life." "I do." "Let's just throw all the cards on the table this time." " We tried, it didn't work." "It's over." " We haven't tried, we haven't gambled anything." "I mean, we just..." "Oh, god, uh..." "Just gotta let go." "You know, we could do this together." "We could totally do this together." " Manny, I've made my decision." " I can't change your mind?" " Ah, Manny, it's not you, it's me." " Ah!" "What's that?" " I have this checklist, okay?" "And in every category you pass with flying colours!" "You're confident and you're great and you're funny and you're... you're..." "loyal." "But..." "But..." " But what?" " But it doesn't add up." " I don't understand that." " Ah, Manny, neither do I!" "I just..." "I know you're not the one." "Manny, I..." "I so wanted it to be you, you know?" "That's why I came back." " Bombshell." "Bombshell." "Fuck..." "I thought you just said this 'cause, you know, you're trying to make yourself feel good - you know, shit on the ones you love the most?" " Manny..." "I was really in love with you." "Truly." "But, uh..." " Over." "Yeah, I heard the first time." "Again, the door?" "Hey, you go out this time, don't come back!" "Alex, wait!" "We can meet at the Louvre some day." "I mean, it could be that easy." "How can I just let you" "Walk away" "Just let you leave without a trace" "When I stand here (door closing)" "Taking every breath with you" "You're the only one" "Who really knew me at all" "How can you just walk away from me" "When all I can do is watch you leave" "'Cause we've shared" "The laughter and the pain" "And even shared the tears" "You're the only one" "Who really knew me at all" "So take a look at me now" "Oh there's just an empty space" "Elephant shoes!" "And you coming back to me" "Is against the odds" "Elephant shoes." "And that's what I've got to face" "I wish I could just make you turn around" "Turn around and see me cry" "There's so much I need to say to you" "So many reasons why" "You're the only one" "Who really knew me at all" "So take a look at me now" "Well there's just an empty space" "And there's nothing left here to remind me" "Just the memory of your face" "Take a look at me now" "'Cause there's just an empty space" "But to wait for you is all I can do" "And that's what I've got to face" "Take a good look at me now" "'Cause I'll still be standing here" "And you coming back to me" "Is against the odds" "And that's what I've got to face" "Take a look at me now" "Subtitling:" "CNST, Montreal" "Take a look at me now"