" Welcome to England, madam." " Mademoiselle Ste-Euverte." " I trust the crossing was smooth?" " Perfectly, thank you." "Quiet, quiet!" "The house mascot, madam." "This way, if you please." "I'm glad you had a smooth crossing." "I think madam will like the room." "It's the best we have." " Mademoiselle." " I beg your pardon?" "I am Mademoiselle." "This is it." "The room will do very well, thank you." "Put it down." "Madam would like some breakfast?" "Coffee perhaps?" "Oh, no, nothing." "Nothing at all." "Come in." " You are from the castle?" " Yes." " You have the letters?" " I have them here, madam." " Mademoiselle." "Give them to me." " They were very hard to get, Mademoiselle." " The wear and tear on my nerves..." " Oh, yes, yes, please." "And I had to sit up, night after night, waiting." "I quite understand." "Thank you, Mademoiselle." "11th Dragoons, General salutes." "He's retiring, you know." "Retiring?" "So soon?" "They're giving him something - one of those big flags or an old sword." "I'd better get back." "Carry on, Major." "Quiet, please." "Quiet, please." "Quiet." "Three cheers for the General." "Leo!" "Leo..." "Leo!" "Sir Eglamore, that valiant knight" "Fa la lanky down dilly, he took up his sword" "And he went to fight, fa la lanky down dilly" "And as he rode o'er hill and dale" "All armoured in a shirt of mail" "Fa la la" "La la la lanky down dilly" "There leaped a dragon right out of her den" "Fa la lanky down dilly" "That had slain I know not how many men" "Fa la lanky down dilly" "But when she spied Sir Eglamore, oh, that you had" "But heard her roar..." " Take that to my quarters." " Yes, sir." "Come on, come on!" "If I were your age, Robert, those little virgins down there, they wouldn't last out the summer." " Do you think I lack character, sir?" " You want to get after it, boy." "As your legal guardian, I'm entitled to tell you about these things." " If only you would, sir." " On the other hand, what happens?" "I'm not too sure, sir." "You take one of these little virgins under the apple tree, you wake up ten minutes later, what have you got?" "Hm?" "Eh?" "I'll tell you." " You're married to her and keeping her mother." " But I'm too young for marriage, sir." "In no time at all, you'll be too old." "You'll be like me, you see." "You'll be sitting at your desk, dictating your memoirs." "They're coming!" " Oh, I want that." " Let me have a look!" " And, Robert?" " Sir?" "You get the urge sometimes, I hope." "Yes, I do, sir." "Good." "Life without the urge is unthinkable." "Now, then, get on with your work, all of you." "What is this, a kitchen or a dosshouse?" "Really, cook!" "I feel as sprightly as a two-year-old, almost like a widower." "Good morning." "We'll work later, my boy." "I must get this damn corset off." " Ooh!" " Very good, sir." " Agnes, has the new girl arrived yet?" " Not yet, sir." "Well, let me know when she does, will you?" " Melanie?" " It's Rosemary, sir." "Of course it is." "I never forget a pretty little face." " Yes, madam?" "You took your time." "Has he come back yet?" " I'm not certain, madam." " Well, find out." "Find out at once." "Yes, madam." "Later, my child." "Later." "Later." "Hello?" "Well, answer me, somebody, answer me!" "Agnes, has he come in?" "What do you mean, you're not sure?" "Well, go and look for him." "I know he's around somewhere." "Leo?" "I saw you, Leo." "I know you're there." "Yes, er, I am here, my love." "Yes, yes." " What are you doing?" " Oh, er, just changing." "Yes, you're thinking." "I can hear you." " What are you thinking about?" " Oh, I am thinking about you, my love." "Hmm." "Liar." "You're thinking about women." "Damn and blast it!" "There!" "I've caught you out." "You're swearing because I've caught you out." "Don't be ridiculous." "I'm swearing at my corsets, my love." "I'm only ill because of you." "Come now, my love." "I'm ill because I know what you're doing." "I am merely unfastening my corset, madam." "You're thinking about women as you do it." "I know." "What drab have you got in there now?" "Oh!" " Oh!" " You're sighing." "What's going on?" "Oh, nothing." "Nothing's going on." "Inside your head, though." "What's going on in there?" "My head, madam, is out of bounds." "It's the only place I've got left where I can have a bit of peace." "I'll get into it one day." "You'll find me there," " when you least expect it." " As you wish, madam." "As you wish." "Meanwhile, I shall take the doctor's advice" " and close the door on you." " Leo I forbid it." "Leo!" "Damn you, madam!" "Damn you, damn you!" " He's coming." "Papa!" " Papa!" " Yes, what is it?" " What shall we do about dresses for the ball?" " Do nothing about them." " How can you say that, Papa?" " New dresses give young girlies ideas." " But we've nothing to wear." "Then wear nothing." "It's much more jolly." "Robert, have you got those notes in there?" " We need new dresses, Papa." " We've grown, Papa." "You never stop growing." "Have I grown?" "People grow till they're 25." " Not if they've got any tact, they don't." "BOTH:" "But, Papa!" "Oh, very well." "Robert will take you down to Mrs Bulstrode's dress shop later on and then you can er..." " Have you decided which one of us to marry?" " One or the other, Robert." "Will you kindly go away?" "You are not allowed in here." "What did I say to you just now?" "Robert will take us down to Mrs Bulstrode's dress shop later." "Oh, my God, they're ugly." "Aren't they ugly?" "How can you enjoy a pretty face and bring that into the world?" "Your daughters have certain qualities, sir." "Yes, I know, my boy, but they're the wrong ones, unfortunately." "Sit down, Robert." "Sit down." "Now, where were we?" "Relations between the Sultan and the government, sir." "Oh, yes, yes." "Yes, that was the day they made off with two of our missionaries." "Yes." "You see, they got hold of these two fellas, had a bit of fun with them, sent them back dead as mutton, minus...one or two of their spare parts." "Of course it was an insult to the flag." "I should say it was, sir." "Yes, it certainly was." "We had to mount an expedition." "But, oh, my boy, Robert, what a campaign that was!" "What a campaign!" "We got our money's worth for those two angel-makers." "The heathens we ran through." "Good clean steel, you see, my boy, and none of your bloody nonsense." "Slaughtered the lot of them left, right and centre." "Yes." "Yes." "Then there was the women." " Oh, yes, sir?" "Yes." "Those native girls." "Little things, crouching naked - little minxes with the devil in their eyes, limbs like silk, and the figures, my lad." "You, your sword still steaming in your hand." "You've killed." "You're the master." "She knows it, you know it." "There in the hot, dark tent." "The two of you alone." "The hot, dark tent?" "Hm?" "What?" "Er, what...what happened then, sir?" "Well, damn it all, Robert, we're not savages." "We er...turned them over to the Sisters of Mercy at Rabat." "Blast." "There's that Grogan ruining the memoirs again." "Ah, I see you're doing your scientific research again, Dr Grogan." " Yes." " What's the matter with her this time?" "Well, there's a little leak in the top radiator." "There's a water pump at the bottom, and when the water goes up..." "Would you like me to tell you about my old stallion's fetlocks?" " I see you've got your blues on." " Yes, put'em on." "And how's the invalid?" "Any scenes today, hm?" "Oh, no, no, no, no." "A small one, and I took your advice." " I closed the door on her." " Good, good." "The only reason she won't walk is to rouse your pity and stop you leaving her." "Ah, it's blackmail, that's what it is, blackmail." "To think I once loved her." "Huh." "It's happened to all of us, General." "Yes, because before becoming a professional invalid," "Emily had quite an amorous disposition, you know." " Really?" " Yes." "Did I ever tell you she was an opera singer?" " Often." " Yes." " Of course, I made her give it all up." " And now she hates you for it." "Well, I don't see why." "She's gone on giving the same performance for 20 years." "Just for me." " A little wearing, General." " Yes." " Where's your coat?" " I left it in the car." "Shall I answer it, sir?" "No, ignore it, my boy, ignore it, and close the door, for God's sake." " Very good, sir." " How's your wife, Grogan?" "Oh, running well." "I treat her as an early-model motorcar, you know." "It's fascinating how these ancient machines continue to work so efficiently." "Hmm, well, you'd better go up and lubricate my old heap." "Damn good parade they gave you today, General." "Yes, it was, wasn't it?" "They'll miss you, won't they?" "Well, I hope so, yes." "You'll be at home more." "Do you imagine I hadn't thought of that?" "Just look at me." "All the gold trimmings here, you see." "Underneath, a boy's heart dying to give his all." "And that's what they call a fine career." "Would it help if I told you much the same story?" "Not in the slightest." "I haven't marked your card yet." "And me, too." "You promised me the polka, Ghislaine." "Don't forget me." "I was going to have the waltz before the English arrived." "Only two dances left." "Now, who shall it be?" "Me, Ghislaine." "I asked you before the others." "All right, André." "I shall have you, because your name begins with A." "And you, Zachariah, because your name begins with Z." "A bientôt, Messieurs." "Oh, Ghislaine!" "Ghislaine, I'll change my name." " Quite finished, young man?" " Oh, so sorry, sir." "May I see your carnet de bal, mademoiselle?" "But...my card is full, Major." "It is Major, is it not?" "Major Fitzjohn, commanding Her Majesty's 1 1th Dragoons, at your service." "Then I cannot refuse, sir." "Ghislaine!" "Yes, Leo." "It is I." "Ghislaine." "Ghislaine!" "What are you doing here?" "There's going to be a devil of a row." " Good." "That's why I came." " Sh, my love, she's got ears everywhere." "Oh, let me look at you." "You." "Myself." "My own." "I took the night express, and then the packet, and then the day express." "Oh, my Amazon!" "But should you have travelled so far alone?" " On the train, a man spoke to me." " What?" "!" " He asked me the time." " Swine!" "But I was perfectly calm." " I was armed." " Careful!" "Oh, you have it still." "Hmm." "It has protected me all these years." " For you, Leo." " Thank you." "Thank you." "But now I find you are retired." "Oh, only from the army, my darling, never from our great love." "Oh, good." "That's all I want to know." " Ghislaine, you can't stay here." " Of course I can." "Emily's next door." "It's quite impossible." "Everything is possible now, Leo." "Yes, it is." "Of course it is." "But not here." "Allow me to take a room at the inn for you, for us." "I have already taken it." "Oh, wonderful." "You've arranged everything, then." "Everything, and I have here in my reticule evidence that will make you free, Leo." "Our long years will not have been wasted." "17 years." "17 years since the cavalry ball at Saumur." "I'd just been posted to France, Major Fitzjohn." "Oh, Leo, the enchantment of that first waltz." "What was the name of that waltz?" "The Waltz Of The Toreadors." "I shall never forget it." "Neither shall I." "What is it?" " We should not be here alone." " Alone, Mademoiselle?" "But we're together." "We must always be together." "But, Major, we hardly know each other's name." "Mine is Leo, and we know each other's heart, Mademoiselle." "Oh!" "Mademoiselle, we've always known one another." "We've met a thousand times in our dreams, only to awake to the emptiness of life without one another." "You are too rash, Major." "Oh, indeed I am, Mademoiselle." "I am." "You see, my heart beats like a cavalry charge." "It gallops towards its object - its sweet, sweet object - and then nothing in the world can hold it back." "Oh, Major, you must not." "Oh, but I must, I must." "We must." "It's our destiny." " Our fate." " Oh." " Who is that woman?" " There is no woman but you." "There never could be." "But that lady watching us, who is she?" "That, Mademoiselle, is my wife." "Excuse me, sir." "Excuse me, sir." "What is it?" "What?" "What?" " The new one's come, sir." " The new what's come?" "The new girl, sir, and the doctor's left." "Look here, I've no time to choose chambermaids now." "What's she like?" "On the plump side, sir." "On the plump side?" "Engage her, will you?" "Engage her." "You see how it is here, my love." "Endless, endless household matters." "Go to the inn." "We shall meet there later." "It's no use, Leo." "I'm determined to stay with you." "My love, Emily will never allow it." "She will have to." "I have proof" " that she's unfaithful." " Emily unfaithful?" "Here are two letters, two letters signed by her hand." " Two love letters to a man." " My love, it's quite impossible." "We are free, Leo." "Where did you get them?" "They were found in her room by one of your servants." "Emily deceiving me?" "This is outrageous." " Who is this man?" " What does it matter?" "We are free." "I demand to know this man's name." "What it is now?" "Oh, Dr Grogan." "What?" "Grogan?" "Grogan!" "Don't do anything desperate, Leo!" " Grogan !" " Leo!" "Grogan!" " Is um...is this where it hurts?" " Ooh!" "Good, good." "Nothing serious." "Just a touch of damp, that's all." " Too much hanging about in graveyards." " Surely you're going to give me something." "Better get dressed, Midgeley." "Let nature take its course." "Come on out of there, Grogan, damn you!" "I know you're in there." "Here, come here!" "I'm coming in for you, Grogan." "Blasted lump of metal!" "Grogan?" "It's me, I've come for you." "Blast!" "Grogan ?" " Hello, General." " You unqualified lecher!" "Qualified, General." "Trinity College, Dublin, 1880." " What do you say to swords, sir?" " What on earth for?" "Blood must be shed, sir." " Blood?" "Would you mind explaining yourself?" " Damn explanations, Grogan." " I want bloodshed." " Just a minute." "Do you deny, sir, that these letters are addressed to you?" "Er, no, no." " Well?" "Well?" " Yes, well, er..." " What?" "I'm waiting." " Ah." "That's very interesting." "Interesting?" "Yes." "Interesting and revealing, Grogan." " Revealing that you are in love with my wife." " Nonsense, she's a psychopath." " They're always writing letters like this." " You fiendish hypocrite!" "Do you mean to deny, sir, that my wife is in love with you?" "At the moment she appears to be, but she'll get over it." "Good God, sir, has the Medical Corps got no honour?" "How would you like me to slap your face for you?" "Well, I'd slap yours back." " Oh, would you?" "Yes." "I would." "After all, I'm Acting President of the Sports Club, you're merely the Honorary Secretary." " Oh, am I?" " Yes." "Damn you, Grogan!" "I'm going to close with you." "Aargh!" "Aargh!" "Aargh!" "Aargh!" "En garde!" " Excuse me, that's my umbrella." " Oh, that's your game, is it?" "Right, then." "Take that!" "That!" "That!" "That!" "That and..." "Now what are you going to do, eh?" "Unqualified, am I?" "Touché." "All right, Casanova." "It's my best one." "My chrysanthemums." " Oh, dear." "Do be careful with it." " What?" "What was that?" " Oh, no, sir." "Nothing important." " No you don't, Grogan!" "Come back in here." "Stand and fight like a man." " Aargh!" "Aargh!" " Er..er...no, no." "Look, how often must I tell you?" "Keep your sword arm up." "Up." "You never were any damn good with a sabre." "Look." "Look at this." "Mind what you're doing with that thing." "Oh, dear." "You're spry on your feet for a motor mechanic." "I do an hour's exercise every morning." "Well, we're both the same age." "Look at this." "Feel it." " Oh, you're pulling it in." " No, I'm not." "Now look at this." "There's nothing wrong..." "nothing wrong with that." " Disgusting." " What?" "Good heavens, I never noticed that before." "Leo." "Leo?" "Oh!" "Mon Dieu, you are wounded!" " Of course I'm not." " No, no." " Who is this man?" " This is my good friend Dr Grogan." " How do you...?" "Grogan?" " Yes." " Kill him." " Come, come, my love." "No, don't." "Save him." "He is our evidence." "Oh, thank you, thank you." " What for, precisely?" " Never mind, none of your business." "What the devil's going on here?" "Look, my love, would you allow the doctor and I to withdraw for just a few moments and consult?" "We won't keep you more than just a few moments." "I want your advice, Grogan." "Very hard to come by today." "The doctor seems pressed for time." " Are you still here?" " Some of the green ointment..." "No, no, that's for your wife's complaint." " Well, if it helped her..." " If it helped you, you'd end up in a museum." "Come back in a few months if it's not better." " That's right." "Well, General, who's the lady?" " The lady?" " Mm-hm." "The lady is Mademoiselle Ste-Euverte - the love of my life, as I am hers." "17 years this has been going on, Grogan." "17 years!" "Yet she is still a maiden - yes, oh, yes, a maiden - and I am still a prisoner, blast it!" "Bless my soul." "But, General, your life's nearly over." "Why are you still waiting?" "Why?" "Because I'm a coward, that's why." "What, with all your medals and your 1 8 wounds?" "Oh, well, those came to me in battle, sir." "Life is..." "Life is different, isn't it?" "God damn it, General." "Look, you're a soldier." " You've got a kitbag, haven't you?" " What if I have got a kitbag, hm?" "Well, pack it, sir." "Three shirts, two pairs of pants, half a dozen handkerchiefs and...off you go." "What do you mean, eh?" "What, fly the old coop?" "Precisely." "What, leave..." "leave Emily?" "Why not?" "Yes, yes." "Why not?" "Why not, indeed?" "Yes, and you'd better get a move on." "A few more years' delay, and Mademoiselle will die a young girl." "Oh, don't, don't, don't!" "I don't know, Grogan." "It all seems to me like some fantastic flight to the moon." "Then fly, General." "Fly." "Damn it, I'll do it." "I'll do it, Grogan." "I'm 30 years old, you know." "I am, I swear it to you." "30." "Don't I look it?" " One hour's exercise in the morning." " Oh, well, that's nothing." "I can cope with that." "Lieutenant Fitzjohn, yes." "Don't take any notice of this." "Ah, Ghislaine." "Ghislaine?" "Ghislaine, I've made my decision." "I'm leaving Emily." "We shall be together for always." "Oh, my dearest." "Come, my love." "We must go home and tell her." "Oh, yes, Leo." "Mademoiselle, may I ofter you a lift in my car?" " It is all right, Leo?" " Yes, of course it is." " You two go ahead." " Thank you." " Your bird, sir." " Thank you, sir." " Hurry, Leo." " I'll be home before you, my love." " Papa!" "Papa!" "What do you think of...?" " Out of my way." "Can't you see I'm in a hurry?" "What do you think of them, Papa?" "You're obstructing a senior officer in the execution of his duty." " Out of it." " General." "On the rampage as ever, I see." "Oh, I've a..." "little urgent business, Mrs Bulstrode." "Then come and take a glass of my cranberry wine with me first." "It always did refresh you." " Well, er...just a spot, then, and er..." " Papa!" " Only for a moment, perhaps." " Papa, Papa!" "Please come and see our dresses, Papa." "Get inside, you silly little geese." "Go along." "By Jove, Emma, what a figure!" "You're lovely and tempting and swish-swishing as ever." "Oh, come now, General." "All that was over years ago." "What?" "Never." "I'm 30, I tell you, and I swear it." "But can you prove it?" "We had to perform miracles to make beauties out of these girls." "More than their mother could do." "This is lovely material, Emma." " Now, General, look at your daughters." " This is rather nice here." "What's, er..." "what's it going to cost me, Emma, eh?" " Now, you know I'm very reasonable." " Oh, Emma, how I wish you were." "Oh, God." "Robert, take these two stupid girls out for a walk." "It's much too nice a day to moon around indoors." "Yes, take us for a walk, Robert." "Yes, do." "You haven't chosen one of us yet, and you've got to." "Now, Emma, these repeated refusals of yours are quite absurd." "Oh, stop it, you wicked man!" "Emma, Emma, you still keep the cranberry in the changing room, do you?" "I suppose I shall have to give you a nip before you'll go." "Oh, you devastating..." "little creature." "It was never as hot as this in India, Emma." " What can have happened?" " I don't know." "It's difficult to say." "It's rather like a woman, you know." "Her illness may be completely imaginary." "I don't mean your motorcar." "Do you think he has fallen off his horse?" "Oh, no, gentlemen don't falloff horses, Mademoiselle." "No, they're thrown." "Leo, where have you been?" "Sorry, my love." "Just a little business I had to attend to." "Well, into battle, eh?" " Courage, mon amour." " Yes, yes." " Where is she?" " Upstairs, my love." "Now, look." "You be a good girl, wait in the study, and I'll go up and get this damn business over." "Don't be long, Leo." "I can't bear to be away from you." "Nor I from you, my love." "Nor I from you." "My General." " Forward march." " That's precisely what I was doing." "I know, I know." "Courage." " Leo?" " Yes, my love?" "I can't stand it." "Damn it all, Ghislaine, you've stood it for 1 7 years." "Surely you can give me a few more minutes to put my life in order." "Oh, Leo, let us leave now." "My love, go in the study, close the door, there are some magazines on the table." "Magazines?" "Like at the dentist!" "It's my tooth that's coming out," " not yours" " Yes, I'm sorry, Leo." "I adore you." "And I adore you, my love." " Are you all right?" " Oh, yes." "Yes, splendid." "I've found the trouble." "I've been pressing her too hard." "Grogan?" "Grogan?" "Where the devil is he?" "Grogan?" " Leo, what's happened?" " Is he still outside?" "Yes, General." " Ah, there you are." " Shall I go up?" "Too late." "She's bolted." " She has gone?" " Out the window and down the wisteria." "All those years of cheating and pretending!" "She's not sick." "One moment, my love." " She left this note." " These hysterical disorders..." "My dearest, whatever anyone may tell you, I have loved only you." " I am leaving for ever." "Emily." " Oh, good, good." " Good God!" " Do you think she means to kill herself?" "The lake!" "We must go there at once." " Wait a minute, wait a minute." " General, no, this way." "Yes, there she is, there." "There." "Oh, yes." " Total recovery of the leg muscles anyhow." " We must head her off." "Yes, she's making for the level crossing." "Two minutes to, and the train goes at five past." " Leo, I'm still waiting." " Yes, just a few more minutes, my love." "You follow by road and I'll cut across country" " and outflank her." " Yes." "No, no, no." " My...my car." " My horse, my horse." " Leo, you are not leaving me again!" " Only to save Emily's life, my love." "We shall be oft like two birds straight..." "afterwards." "Saddle my horse!" "I won't be here when you come back!" "That's it." "Hurry, hurry, hurry!" "Come along now." "Leo!" " Leo!" "Take cover, lads." "We don't want too many casualties." " Leo!" " Leo!" " Leo, I forbid you to go." " No choice, my love, it's an errand of mercy." " If you leave me again, I shall kill myself." " Be brave, my sweet, just a few more minutes." " Right." " Get off that horse immediately!" " I shall drown myself in the lake, Leo." " Back in a minute, my love." "In the lake, do you hear?" "Hold on, madam." "Ho...hold on, madam." "Hold on, I'm coming." "Shh." "Cheerie-bye." "Hold on!" "I'm..." "I'm... coming, madam." "Mademoiselle." "Be with you in a moment." "Oh!" " But he can't swim." " I know." "I'm coming." "Excuse me, madam." "Next train's not till the morning, I'm afraid." "You're too late." "You're always too late." " Now, come along home with me." " I prefer it here." "I don't care." "Get up here, woman." "Come along." "Come along." "General!" "General!" "Say something." "Please." "Please speak." " My chest." " What?" " I can't breathe." " Oh." "ls that...?" " Is that better?" " A little." "Ought I to give you artificial respiration, or something?" "I..." " Oh, yes, please." " Oh, I see." "I see." "Er..." "All right?" "Mm." "That's it." "Whoa!" "What the devil do you think you're doing?" " I found this lady, sir." "In the lake, sir." " Does that entitle you to strip her naked?" "ls she all right, sir?" "What are you lot doing here?" "Go on, all of you." "Go on, back to the house." "Come on." "Off." "Go on." "And take my wife with you, and give her to one of the maids." "Do I have to teach you what a young girl's honour means?" " Leave your hands where they are." " What?" "Hands off!" "I've seen you already, my lad." "I've seen you with that last little tweeny we had." "I tried to avoid her, sir, but she was always sneaking up behind me in the passages." "The little bitch." "Well, she..." "She said something about a young one for a change." "You seem to me, sir, to be completely devoid of any principles whatsoever." "Grogan!" "Get out of that tin can and come down here and give us a hand." " Why, where's Emily?" " She's gone back to the house." "The other end." "Now, then, you get there and you get there." " Go on, that's it." "Now..." " Any bones broken?" "Mademoiselle." "I'm going to give you a sleeping draft just to relax you." "It's not relaxing I need, Doctor." "No, quite." "I'm inclined to agree with you." " I want action." " Mademoiselle, women ought to be generals." " But generals shouldn't be old women." " You mustn't get excited." "Why?" "Why must I spend all my life not being excited?" "True, yes." "That's true." "I'm inclined to agree with you." "Oh, I want very little of your medicine, Doctor, and a lot of action." "What the devil's he up to?" "Grogan?" "What's going on in there?" "Grogan!" "What the devil are you doing with that poor helpless girl?" "I've just given her a sedative." "You must let her sleep." "Oh, I see, yes, yes." "Damn moggy on the bed." "Female." " When will she be available?" " In a couple of hours." "It was a small dose." "And er..." "Emily?" " Oh, er, a large one." " Oh, yes." "You know, it's a pity we can't put women to sleep permanently." "Just...wake them up for a little, at night." " Yes, life..." "life would be simpler." " Yes." "Mind you, I'm being very unfair." "She's never complained." "Never once in 17 years." "Come on, General." " We both need a drink." " Excellent idea, yes." "Mademoiselle?" "Oh!" " Just a minute." " God!" "There we go." "We don't get any younger, that's what it is, yes." " Give me your hand." " What?" "Give me your hand." "Oh." " Your hand!" " Sh!" "At last." "You know, I..." "I should have made her my mistress years ago." " You mean to say you never..." " What?" "No, no, never." "Never." "Meeting in Paris, once a year when I had to go to see the Chiefs of Staff." "That's all." "I see." "So that's why you go over to Paris." "Yes, once a year." "Once a year, I live in the sunlight of a glorious love." "The rest of the time, I make a noise, frighten the little virgins at the high school, chase the house wenches." "I'm Lord of the Manor" "General Fitzjohn." "And the world says, "What a man!"" "But I'm empty, my friend." "Nobody inside." "I'm alone, I'm afraid." "My poor old friend." "Even my bits of fun bore me to death." "It's only my terror of living that sends me chasing after them." "Once the dress is off, well..." "You go up to her, General." "Hm?" "You'll find ways of waking her." "Go up to her, before it's too late." "I will." "I will." "Oh, well, I feel decidedly better, decidedly better." "Good, good." "Just like I did years ago at that first ball." "Well, for heaven's sake, get on with it, General." " Good night." " Good night, Grogan." " Good luck." " Thank you." " Kiss me, my General." " Oh, honestly, Mademoiselle, I don't..." "I don't really think I should, you know." "I'm..." "I'm only a lieutenant." "Oh, you must." "Are you asleep, my dearest?" "Have no fear." "It's only me." " Your Leo is here." "I am here, my sweet." "I am here." "And I'm thirsting for your love." " Yes." "Water." "Water." "Yes." "Of course, of course." "You are thirsting, too." "One moment, ma chérie." "One moment." "Drink deep, my love." "We have 17 years to make up for." "There." "What, my love?" " I want your hand again." " Yes, yes, of course, my love." "This dear, sweet, sweet little hand français that has waited so long to be grasped into mine." "You remember that meringue at Chez Michaud 15 years ago." "16 years ago." "16 years." "Oh, silly Leo." "It was our first meeting after the ball." "I remember I ate the little bits of meringue from your fingers." "Your fingers still smell of meringue." "I remember saying I'd take you to some enchanted castle, where our love would live for ever." "I know the very place in the Rue Pigalle." "You don't even have to register." "No, Leo." "I must keep myself for him I am to marry." " His name?" " Oh, if only I knew." "Then, there's no-one else?" " No-one." " May I hope?" "You may." "Garçon, another meringue." "But our love was not to be." "You wanted marriage or nothing." "And I had a family and a career." "The following year, I was unable to come to Paris." "But in '92, we met briefly in the Bois de Boulogne." "My love." "My love." "That was all we had time for." "I had to attend a meeting of the Chiefs of Staff that very morning." "Then in '97, you remember the Jardin des Lacs?" "We spent a whole afternoon together." "You no longer insisted on marriage, only on love." "And I who had longed to make you my mistress," "I was now afraid to take the irrevocable step." "However, I did agree that the following year, come what may," "I would join you at your house in St Cloud." "Oh, is everything ready, Clothilde?" "Yes, Mademoiselle, the bed is prepared." "Oh, he's here." " Don't come out till I call you." " No, Mademoiselle." "Oh." "Er, I'm sorry, my dear, fell off my damned horse this morning." "Oh!" "I'm sorry, my dear." "I'll make it up to you." "Dear little, patient Ghislaine." "I'll make it up to you." "I swear I will." "But when?" "When?" "Leo, we are leaving at once." "I have it all planned." "Good Lord, it's er..." "It's not happening, is it?" "Yes, Leo, it's happening." "It's happening at last." " Oh, viens, Leo." "Viens." " Yes, but, Ghislaine..." "I've planned this in my mind so many times." "I know every detail, just like you planning your last campaign." "Er..." "Er...which campaign was that, my love?" " The one in North Africa, of course." " Oh, yes." "That one, yes." "I remember that well." "There was all those little native girls." "Now, which of these uniforms shall I take?" "No, Leo, you won't be needing those any more." " What?" " Come on." "But, Ghislaine..." "Allez, viens." "Why have we come through the kitchen, Leo?" " Well, I must say goodbye to the old place." " Oh!" "Leo, I'm still waiting." "I'm sorry, my love." "I'm sorry." "Where shall we stop first?" " At the inn, of course." " Of course." " No, wait." "That's impossible." " Why?" "It's hardly proper for a lady in your position." "Why?" "Why is it always ladies of no position who have all the fun, Leo?" " Allez, viens." " It's all..." "I'll go straight to my room." "Try and get the one next to it." "Very good, my dear." "I'll join you presently." " I'm sorry about all the noise, madam." " My key, please." "Yes." "By Jove, it's old Fitz!" "I couldn't let you have your first meet without making an appearance." "The Challenge Cup for the General." "I'm never going to get back after this lot." "Fix me up with a room for the night, would you?" " I could put you in with Sir Roger." " I'm not sleeping with Sir Roger, damn it!" " It's all there is, General." " Yes, but I..." " Down in one." " Down the hatch, come on." " To the hunt, gentlemen." " To the hunt!" "Jug-a-lug." "Jug-a-lug." "Jug-a-lug." "Jug-a-lug." "Jug-a-lug." "Jug-a-lug." "Well done, General." " Oh, well done, old chap." " Come on, General." " Plenty more where that came from." " Bet you're thirsty." "Come on, General, dive in." "Well, er, to the Regiment." "To the Regiment!" "I'm sorry, I..." "I can't stay any longer." "Cooee." "Cooee." "I'm here, my love." "Oh, oh!" "My God, I'm most terribly sorry." "I er..." "I thought that was the front door and, er..." "I guess I've..." "Goodbye, sir." "Good night, Vicar." "Good night, Vicar." "Hello, old boy." "I thought you'd gone home." "Jump up behind and I'll take you down for another drink." "Come on." "She's a bit fiery tonight." "Ready?" "Come on, Jenkins." "The general's back." "What are you waiting for?" " Come on, General." " Come on, sir." "All yours." "Gentlemen..." "Gentlemen, good night." "Oh, my Romeo!" "Always the romantic." "But I thought you would never come." "Well, there were problems, my love, but strategy won through." "I'm rather wet." " Take off your clothes, my darling." " Yes, I'd better." "And you, my love." "I'm going to wear something I have kept for you for 17 years." "I'm never going to get these things dry." "I have saved it and myself for you alone." "My love." "Hm, not all that wet." " Are you ready, my darling?" " Always ready, my darling." "Always ready." " Who's that?" " The maid." "I ordered a warming pan for the bed." " Where am I going to go?" " The balcony." "Quickly." "It's raining out." " Look, I can't possibly go out here again." " Of course you can, Leo." "It's only for a moment." "I'm going to get terribly wet out here." "I could have sworn I left my horse here somewhere." "Same here old boy" " What the devil's that?" " Let's go and look." "It's the jolly old General again." " Looks like he's had one over the eight to me." " Let's give him a hand and take him home." " Morning, sir." " Oh, good morning." "Oh, er, do you happen to know if Mademoiselle has gone out yet?" "Couldn't say, sir, but..." "I'm in." "What?" "Oh." "Oh, yes." "Oh, dear, I seem to have picked up something yesterday." "Yes, I did." "I did." " Got you!" " Good heavens!" "This time we won't let you go until you decide." " Make up your mind, Robert." " One or other of us, you promised." "Girls, you know..." "you know I feel the same about you both." "Kiss me, Robert." " Oh, really, please." " Me first." "Kiss me." " Shut up, you fat pudding." "It's me he wants." " Leave him, he's mine." "Good God, have you all gone mad?" "Explain yourselves." " She started it." " I didn't." "She did." "Leave the room at once." "This instant." "I'm..." "I'm frightfully sorry about all this, sir." " Shall we be working today, sir?" " I..." "I shall, Robert, but without your assistance." "I beg your pardon, sir?" "Take the day off, my boy." "Get away somewhere, you know." "Get away and have...have a bit of fun." "Oh, thank you very much, sir." "Yes." "Yes, perhaps I..." "Perhaps I will, sir." " Bless you." " Excuse me, sir." "And, Robert..." "Robert, find yourself a girl... ..a nice girl, as long as she doesn't look like those two, and..." "..if she happens to be the right one, remember General Fitzjohn and don't hang around, do you understand?" "Yes, sir, I understand." "Thank you, sir." "Thank you." "All right, madam." "I'll come up." " Mr Jenkins." " The lady, sir?" " Yes." " Gone." " What?" " Catching the early train." "Stop the train!" "Ghislaine!" "Stop!" "Hey, stop!" "Come back." "Hey, stop!" "Come back!" "Mademoiselle!" "Mademoiselle," " I must speak with you." " You have a message?" "From the General?" "No, me." "Come away with me." "I don't understand." " I love you." " What?" "I love you." "How dare you!" "I would dare anything for you, Mademoiselle." "Well?" "I want a divorce, madam." "You monster!" "You shabby old fraud." " Now, madam..." " You rotten, decaying old goat." " Damn you!" " Have you no pity?" "I might have died on that railway line." "Died?" "You knew damn well the train had gone." "You take advantage of my illness to deceive me." " Illness, my foot!" " And now you dare to talk of divorce." "Girls, kitchen maids - anything's meat for your lecherous tooth." "Blast you!" "What about your infidelities?" "My infidelities?" "How dare you!" "Don't perjure yourself." "What about these letters?" " Well..." " Well?" "You ransack a woman's privacy." " You a senior officer!" " Look." "All this is irrelevant." "These letters, explain these letters." "They were never sent, unlike certain other letters, both sent and received," " to your fancy woman." " What are you...?" "The woman you... you brought to this house." "I've seen her, you old fool!" "Damn you!" "I'm leaving you." "That's right, my hero, bolt like a frightened horse!" "Leave me here, dying." "You're not dying." "I am!" "Oh!" " Oh, oh, my heart!" " What's wrong with it this time?" "It's shrinking." "It's getting smaller and smaller." "It's the size of a jingle bell now." "Emily, let's have an end to this stupid play-acting." "Stop all this stupid nonsense, Emily." "Do you hear me?" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, she's really done it this time." "Emily." "Emily!" "Emily, say something." "Emily, say something, please." " My heart..." " Oh, so you're not dead." "I suppose I'd better get your drops for you." "Enough here to kill a carthorse." "There you are." "Don't clench your teeth, my love." "It's dribbling all over your kimono." "There." "What's the matter with you, hm?" "I'm dying for want of your love." "Don't be silly, Emily." "You used to bite me, and caress me, and carry me to my bath." "Yes, well, we all have to grow up sometime." "Why don't you bite me like a young terrier any more?" "Young terriers grow old, and anyway, I've lost my teeth." "You've teeth enough for other women." " Oh, don't start that." " It's because I'm old and ugly." "You forced me to keep house for you, feed your sickly children." "Well, good God, woman, that's a wife's duty, isn't it?" "Before I married you, I had a superb voice, a dazzling future on the stage." "Yes, in the back row of the chorus." "Look here, Emily, this discussion is completely useless." "I'm leaving you, and that is final." "Oh, oh, my heart!" "Goodbye, Leo." "I've never loved anyone but you." " No, Robert." " But why not?" "I love you, Ghislaine." "Marry me." "Come away with me now." "No." "I have made up my mind." "I'm old enough to be your..." "well, your aunt, anyway." " It's impossible." " Oh, but nothing is impossible." "I can prove it to you." "How?" "Well, I'll show you." " Oh!" " Listen to me." "When you find someone you love, don't wait 17 years." "Go to it." " Now, that's good advice." " Who gave it to you?" "Eh?" "Well, the General." "Oh, my poor Robert." "You are even younger than I thought." "Ghislaine..." "Ghislaine!" "Goodbye, Robert." "We will always be friends." "Stop!" "No." "No, Robert." "I told you, it's no use." "Aargh!" "Oh!" "Oh, you brute!" "Oh!" "You just want to give me your cold, that's all." "I want to give you much more than my cold, Ghislaine, honestly." "I despise you." "Oh, how dare you!" "I love you." "No..." "Non." " No." " You..." "Oh, non!" "Oh, non!" "Au secours!" "Oh là là!" "Aargh!" "Leo!" "Leo!" "Be quiet!" "Out!" "Did you see the new girl?" "Get out of here." "They're still picking out the pretty ones for you." "Get out of here, madam." "These..." "These are my quarters." "So is this where you demonstrate your prowess with the kitchen maids?" "I don't suppose you're much use to them, either." "Oh?" "What do you know about it?" "I know what a woman feels when she's left unsatisfied." "Who could satisfy you?" "Learn to satisfy one woman, be a man, before you go chasing after the rest of them." "Oh, so I haven't been a man to you, is that it?" "Soon weary, my friend." "Soon asleep." "Well, you should have gone to others." "Yes, you should have found stallions to suit your needs." "A woman, sir, belongs to whoever takes and keeps her." "Then let them have you, madam, with my compliments." "Because, let me inform you, it took great imagination to do what was required of me of an evening." "Do you think it took less imagination not to be continually frustrated?" " You don't think it was you I thought about?" " How vulgar you are!" "How vulgar and shameless!" "And if that's true, why didn't you leave me years ago?" "Because I am your wife." "Not for much longer, you're not." " Before God and the law, I'm your wife." " Get away from me." "You'll never get away from me." "I'll run up debts, I'll ruin you." " I'll disappear into thin air." "You'll never find me." " I'll follow you to the far ends of the earth." "And when I die, will you follow me there, too?" "When you die, I shall cry out, "I was his wife."" "My name will be carved on your grave, and when it's my turn," "I shall come and lie by you for good." "My God, woman, I hate you." "What difference does that make?" "I'm your wife." "Aa..." "Aargh!" "No, Robert." "No!" "I've got you!" "I'll sue you for divorce." "And who will have you, you old fool?" "Someone." "Your fancy woman?" "She's young and beautiful, and she's waiting for me." "Waiting for you?" "17 years." "Oh, it's too silly!" "Huh, laugh!" "If you really loved her, you'd have left me long ago." "I stayed out of respect for your grief, and pity for your illness, which I mistakenly took to be genuine." "Oh, what a fool you are!" "Do you think I respected your grief or your pity?" "Or your rank or your name?" "What do you mean?" "Do you remember that ball?" "When was it?" "Yes, 17 years ago, oddly enough." "I remember it." "Why should you?" "I shall never forget it." "I was still in love with you, impossible as that seems now." "And I'd been faithful, in spite of your mistresses." "But the ball, what was it to you?" "You were dancing a waltz with a silly-looking ninny of a girl." "What was it they were playing?" "They were playing the Waltz Of The Toreadors." "Well?" "He became my lover." "A complete stranger?" "I won't even ask his rank." "Not immediately, of course." "I was a respectable woman." "I waited." "How long?" "Three days." "Three days!" "I waited 17 years." "I'm waiting still." "After that, there were others, until I grew too old and only you would have me." "But if you've been unfaithful to me, why these stupid attempts to hold on to me?" "Because I hate you." "I hate you for what you've done to me." "Let me go." "But I love you, too." " What do you mean?" " Oh, not as a lover." "We've never made love like that." "Nor for your talk of life and honour." "It bores me." " Then for God's sake..." " Nor for your rank or your wealth." "I've been offered more." "Then why?" "Why?" "Because you belong to me." "You're mine." "Like my house, my jewels, my furniture." "Mine, like your name." "Whatever you promise others, you'll...never be anything but that." "Dance with me." "Just this last waltz." "The Waltz Of The Toreadors." "Dance with...with your bag of bones." "Dance with your remorse." "Dance with your love." "Don't touch me!" "How is she?" "Oh, ticking over nicely." "Good for another 10,000 miles." "Thank God." "You're the one who's in danger." "What do you mean?" "I mean, your mademoiselle has found herself another interest, one with a bad cold." "Young Robert." "I prescribed a linctus for him, but I dare say her treatment will yield more spectacular results." "Coucou." "Oh, comme il est malade, mon pauvre petit chou." " Get out of that bed, you lustful boy." " You shall not touch him!" " What the devil's that child doing in your bed?" " He has a cold." "201!" "Mon Dieu, he is boiling." "What are you talking about, 201?" "It's 102." "There's no need for this plebeian business of wiping his forehead." "We've got servants at home to do that." "Robert, into your uniform, to horse, and away." "Never." "He stays with me." "What the devil's going on here?" "Leo, I love him" "What?" "I love him." "So...you seduce young girls, do you?" "Well, if you've got any guts, my young cock, get up and show'em, and not just to the ladies." " He wants blood!" " Get up and fight." " Fetch me two swords, someone." "Two swords." " Leo...if you love me, don't hurt him." " I'll cut his ears off because I do love you." " No, Robert." "Let him fight himself." "I'm ready, sir." "Damn you, Robert!" "I'm sorry, Leo, but I do love him." "But...but damn it, he's not old enough to take the woman I love." "You never took her at all." "Listen, I know my manners, and anyway, I was going to." "But he did." "You're joking!" "That lily-white boy?" "I belong to him, Leo." "The two-faced, vicious little bounder." "He took you by force, did he?" "I'll kill him for it." "No, Leo, not by force." "I gave myself to him." "You gave yourself to him?" "I'm a woman, Leo, a creature of flesh and blood." "But, Ghislaine, I love you." "We were going away together." "You had it all planned." "No, Leo." "Robert and I are going to be married." " Never." " You must accept it." " You don't know what you're up against." " Nothing will stop us." "I will, Madame." "One can no longer call you Mademoiselle, it seems." "I'm deaf to your insults." "Allow someone under my protection to become involved with a woman of your age?" " Never, do you hear me?" "Never." " Oh, do your worst!" " Lieutenant Fitch." " Sir, I beg you..." "Silence when you speak to me." "For being absent from your duties, you are under close arrest." "Very good, very good, sir." "How's that for a start?" "Whoa!" "Whoa, there!" "In the midst of death, we are in life, sir," " as you might say." " Thank you very much." "Most kind." "Most kind." "I er..." "I wouldn't do this for everybody, sir." "Not unless they pass on, of course." "Oh." "Oh, yes." "Thank you very much." "Most kind." "Who's there?" "Midgeley, undertaker and cremation, with two clients." "Old colleagues, Rev Grimshaw and me." "He sees them through, and I push them over the edge, so to speak." " Mr Fitch?" " Good morning, Reverend." "Mademoiselle Ste-Euverte." "Come in." "Come in." "Er, is...is everything ready?" "Oh, yes, yes, yes, but I'm sure the whole thing's most unwise, most unwise." "We'd better get on with it." "Excuse me." "I wanted them to have one of the ebony and velvet jobs." "Costs a little more, of course, but it's worth it for the extra comfort." "Yes, all right, Midgeley." "All right, all right." "You may act as witness." "Would you follow me, please?" "I think in the circumstances, a shortened version, don't you?" "Perhaps, yes." "Now, have you..." "Have you the necessary?" "Oh." "Oh, dear me, no." "No, no, no." "I don't mean that." "I mean the..." "I mean the ring." "They have waited for you, my love, for 17 years." "Let me have it, would you, please?" "That's all we need." "Let us begin." "Dearly beloved, we are gathered togeth..." "So sorry." "Would you mind just changing places?" "Thank you." "That's it." "That's right." "Dearly beloved, we are gathered together in the sight of the..." " ..face of this congregation, to join together this man and this..." "Midgeley!" "Midgeley, please contain yourself." "At least play us the Wedding March." "No demand for it at burials, miss." "But I could do you Onward Christian Soldiers." "Hurry, Estella." "Oh, look, it's Papa." "What shall we do?" "Stop dithering." "Come on!" "Please hurry!" " Robert, you are betrayed." " Dear Robert, think of us in your cold, cold cell." " What are you talking about?" " Father's on his way." " He can't stop us now." " He's got a troop of cavalry." "I've got some urgent letters to attend to." "Some other time, perhaps." " Squadron Sergeant Major." " Sir." "Lieutenant Fitch, sir, you're under arrest, sir." "Yes, Sergeant Major." "Prisoner and escort, halt." "Lieutenant Fitch, you are accused on two charges." "One:" "being absent without leave from your place of duty." "Do you deny this charge?" " No, sir." " Two:" "disobeying your commanding officer by trying to marry when his permission had been refused." " Do you deny this charge?" "No, sir." "General Fitzjohn, sir." "Sir?" "Will you kindly tell the court what you know of the lady concerned?" "Shocking reputation, sir." "For 17 years, she's been carrying on" " an adulterous and illicit affair..." " Liar!" " Madam!" " Why don't you try it?" " Try what?" " An adulterous affair with that old goat." "This is a military court martial." " Kindly sit down, madam." " But it's true!" "He is at the bottom of this." "He is doing it out of spite." " Sit down, madam." " Spite, be damned." "Got to protect young officers from designing women." " Shall I tell you what that espèce de vieux...?" " Women should never be allowed here." "Sit down at once, madam." "General Fitzjohn, if you don't sit down, sir, I shall clear the court." "Oh, so this is your wonderful British justice!" "Oh!" "Sir, I wish to make a point on behalf of the accused officer." "Carry on." "Lieutenant Fitch, have you any reason to believe General Fitzjohn bears any ill will towards you?" "Answer the question." "General Fitzjohn has always behaved towards me with the greatest consideration, sir." "I have nothing but respect and admiration for him." " You've nothing to add to that?" "No, sir." "Lieutenant Fitch, the Court has found you guilty of the charges against you." " I have no option but to pass sentence." " Stop it!" "General Fitzjohn, sir, kindly sit down." "Don't talk to me like that." "I was a colonel before you got your first pip." " I'm the President of this court." " Then put an end to this nonsense." " This officer is guilty." " I withdraw the evidence." "May I remind you that you have no standing in this court except as a witness?" "No standing, damn it?" "Don't be a bloody fool, Ackroyd, I'm the boy's father." "My...my father, sir?" "Yes, Robert, yes." "Your mother was a local lady, a saucy dark-haired filly with eyes a man could drown in." "My father?" "Good heavens!" "My...my dear old father." "Don't waste time, Robert." "Go to it, the pair of you." "Oh, Robert, it was him I loved in you from the start." "Don't worry, boy, I..." "I'd have done just the same at your age." "I think, in the circumstances, I'd better declare this court closed." "Lieutenant Fitch." "Yes, sir?" "Er...case dismissed." "Leo!" " Leo?" " Yes." " Are you there?" " I'm always here." " It's cold." " Yes." "The doctor's leaving." "Come up, Leo." "Come up here." "Er, later." "Well, winter's coming on, General." "Shall we sound the curfew, eh?" "Da dum" "Da dum" "I say, what do you take me for?" "That's the Infantry lights out." "Oh, is it?" "I beg your pardon." "Well, how does yours go?" "Da dee" "Da..." "Ah." "I want to live, Grogan." "I want to love." "I want to give my heart." "Nobody wants it any more, General." "Let it unswell quietly, that old, over-tender sponge." "Well..." "Better get back to the wife, I suppose." "You too, General." "Same old drill for both of us." " Good night." " Good night, Grogan." "Ghislaine?" "Did you call, sir?" "What?" "No, no." "No, I didn't call, no." "Who are you?" "I'm the new girl, sir." "Do I sweep up in here, sir?" "Er...yes." "Yes, you do sweep up in here." "Yes, yes." "Come here, girl." "Yes, sir." "Put your broom down." " Bit late to be sweeping up now." " Yes, sir." "You know, you're going to find this an easy place to get on in, because I'm an old youngster, and I don't ask much." "I just ask that people are nice to me, that's all." "Yes, sir." "Eh?" "You don't mind me putting my arm round you, do you?" "No, sir, but what will Madam say, sir?" "Madam will say nothing, as long as you don't tell her, you see." "It's nice like this, isn't it?" "Yes, very nice." "Yes." "It doesn't mean anything, but it makes one feel less lonely in the dark."