"I'm glad you guys finally introduced us to Ethopian food," "And now that I've met Ethiopian food," "It's time to say good-bye forever." "It feels like it's gonna be a long good-bye." "I'm rethinking opening this door." "So why don't you guys come over for dessert?" "Oh, we'd love to." "Good call, honey." "Coffee or" "Oh, my God." "Wow..." "You guys are pigs." "I don't believe this." "We've been robbed." "What--the window..." "Adam, did you leave it open?" "Did you?" "No." "Then, yeah, I did." "Wait, wait, wait, what if they're still here?" "Right, you guys stay here and, uh, we'll go check it out." "Hey, honey, I'm home from the Kung-Fu Studio." "Yeah, and I'm home from gun practice." "Good, now they think we're a super-violent gay couple." "Get in there." "I am so freaked out." "Has anything like this ever happened to you?" "Uh, one time at work" "Someone stole a yogurt with my name on it" "Right out of the fridge." "So..." "No." "Well, it's all clear." "Yeah, and I checked your underwear drawer" "Your jewelry is still there." "I checked it too." "He's right." "So what did they take?" "I don't know." "It doesn't look like anything." "Well, maybe when we came in we scared 'em off." "Hmm, I don't think so." "I mean, whoever did this had time to make" "Toaster waffles and watch 27 dresses." "Oh, that was me." "I took a personal day." "Well, I guess we got off pretty lucky, huh?" "I guess." "Or you could say that" "We don't have anything worth stealing." "Huh, all of your stuff stinks." "Wait, hold on, jen." "They did take something." "That bowl that was on the table." "The ceramic one with the turquoise?" "Uh, actually, that--that's our bowl." "We--we bought it in New Mexico." "But that cost 180 bucks." "Yes, I know." "We brought over spinach dip once and they never returned it." "Oh, bad news, guys." "Someone stole your bowl." "♪ how many ways to say I love you ♪" "♪ how many ways to say that I'm not scared ♪" "♪ with you by my side ♪" "♪ there is no denying ♪" "♪ I can't wait for me and you ♪" "♪ Rules of Engagement 4x04 ♪ Ghost Story Original Air Date on March 22, 2010" "Jeff, Jeff, wake up." "What?" "What, is it the burglar?" "Can you handle it?" "No, no, no, it's not that." "Listen, something just happened," "Something really intense, really incredible." "You're welcome." "Guess awake or asleep, daddy knows what mommy likes." "I--I am serious." "I really need to talk to you." "Okay." "Okay, now, first you have to promise not to laugh." "Oh, you didn't wake me up" "To try on those bike shorts again, did you?" "No, this--this is serious." "All right, I promise I won't laugh." "Okay..." "I just saw my grandmother's ghost." "Do you mind if I go laugh in the can?" "I know, I know it sounds unbelievable," "But--but I just saw my grandma Shirley at the foot of our bed." "She was there." "She was wearing this garnet dress" "With this beautiful brooch she use to let me play with" "When I was a kid." "Gosh, she looks so lovely and peaceful" "With this sweet smile on her face." "Like she was really happy to see me." "Probably just psyched to be out of the urn." "I'm sorry." "Go on." "I just--I always felt so bad I didn't make it home to see her" "Before she died, but now I feel like it's okay." "You really saw her." "I did." "It wasn't like a very real dream," "Like the one I had where me and Lee Majors" "Were tracking big foot?" "No, no, no, I--I was awake!" "I was sitting up." "She was--she was right there." "It was real." "Huh." "Do you believe me?" "Yeah, I do." "I..." "I believe you." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Yeah, I'm here for ya." "I feel so close to you right now." "Mm." "And grandma Shirley isn't still here, is she, 'cause..." "I'm about to take off my bottoms." "Sir." "I spoke to your gym," "But they've maintained their stance." "You must actually participate in the cardio hip-hop class." "You cannot just sit and watch." "Call my lawyer." "And I've contacted the accounting firm" "Across the street," "But sadly, no one could put me in touch" "With the stacked lady in the pink thing." "What?" "She's right there..." "Pointing at me and closing the blinds." "And then finally, sir," "Here are all the bathing suit images" "Of the french actress Audrey Tautou." "Yeah, ooh..." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, see, this is one classy girl." "Ooh, bonjour, side boob." "Merci-cup." "Good job, Timmy." "I tell you what, take an extra fiver" "Before you grab me my juice box." "Enormously kind of you, sir." "But, uh, in lieu of your generosity today," "May I instead leave early tomorrow?" "Early, why?" "I'd rather not say." "Say." "No, thank you." "No say, no early." "No early, no say." "Sir, I really would-- ♪ say!" "♪" "If you must know," "I'm meeting my fiancee at the airport." "Fiancee?" "well, that's gotta be wrong." "Um, Timmy, are you having trouble" "With your english words again?" "No, english is my first language..." "Of seven." "I mean, fiancee as in the woman I am to marry." "You're engaged?" "How am I just hearing about this?" "Surprisingly, sir," "I do have some personal information" "That you've not as yet bribed, threatened," "Or twisted my nipple to obtain." "All right, get back here and take your shirt off." "Here we go." "It's an arranged marriage." "My parents are quite traditionally indian." "It's part of my culture." "Not sure how I feel about this." "How big are the ol' fun bags?" "I am not as yet familiar with the ol'..." "Fun bags." "She is coming to visit relatives," "And I will meet her for the first time tomorrow." "Come on, you haven't even met her yet?" "My parents met on their wedding day," "And they've been happily married for nearly three decades." "Ay, carumba..." "Wow, your culture sure has its quirks." "It's bad enough they make you wear the feathery hats" "And talk to the eagles and stuff." "It is, in fact, not that bad, sir," "Because, once again, I'm not that kind of indian." "All right, you don't have to scalp me over this." "I just can't believe someone in this day and age" "Would still go through with an arranged marriage." "My marriage to Audrey was arranged." "By vodka." "I gotta find a way to show Timmy" "He's making a huge mistake." "I hate to see him forced to do something" "He doesn't wanna do." "You do that to him all the time." "I know--the other day I made him touch a dead pigeon." "I'm just saying this is New York." "You can't leave the window open." "I burnt my toaster waffles," "And I couldn't watch 27 dresses with all that smoke." "Uh..." "I can't believe we have nothing worth stealing." "It's embarrassing." "It's not embarrassing." "Yeah, it's a little embarrassing." "Why don't you guys just get some decent stuff." "Here's an idea." "Why don't you go 50 miles north of Santa Fe," "Lay 180 bucks on an old Navajo broad, and get a bowl." "Hello." "Wow, you look great." "You're glowing." "Well, something really incredible" "Happened last night." "Guilty." "No, not that." "Okay, you guys, this was truly unbelievable." "It was like 4:00 in the morning." "Yeah, Audrey." "And all of the sudden-- Audrey..." "I thought that was a private thing." "No, I wanted to share it with our friends and Russell." "Anyway, so I woke up," "And I looked at the end of my bed," "And I saw my grandma's ghost." "Hmm..." "Wow." "Jeff, you might wanna hide the key to the booze closet." "Come on guys, we shouldn't make fun of her." "I met her grandma once." "If you see her again, will you tell her I said boo?" "All right, I guess I should've expected this," "But I know what I saw." "Jeff believes me." "The man who's skeptical Puerto Rico is real?" "Yes." "Tell them." "I believe that you believe you saw a ghost." "What?" "Well, we don't really know what you saw last night, do we?" "We don't?" "No." "We do not." "Look at that." "Printed in Puerto Rico." "I stand corrected." "Hey, there, pumpkin." "Wow, you look stunning." "You don't really know "what" I saw last night, huh?" "You believe I believe I saw a ghost." "I don't believe I used that tone." "Do you know how embarrassing that was for me?" "My own husband wouldn't even support me" "In front of our friends." "You know, in my defense, it caught me a little off guard" "When you told your kooky ghost story" "Out in public." "Kooky ghost story?" "Oh, again, I may be saying these things," "But you're puttin' a lot of extra mustard on 'em." "So you never believed me?" "Well, in the moment I guess I..." "No, no." "So you just lied..." "To what?" "Make me feel better and get some sex out of it?" "Right, because I thought, you know," "Seeing your dead grandmother would get you all teed up." "You are unbelievable." "Look, I'm sorry, but I just can't choose" "To believe something because you do." "Look, if I said something that was completely crazy," "Would you believe me no matter what?" "I would." "Oh, that's just stupid." "No, no, you know what's stupid?" "Me thinking I could share something" "Important with my husband" "And not feel vulnerable and ridiculed." "I'm so boned if that's grandma Shirley." "Huh?" "Not even close." "Hi." "Hey, you like magic?" "Wanna see me pull something out of my pants?" "Come on, it's a scarf." "It's not a scarf." "Hey, there he is." "Have a seat." "Yes, I'm here." "What was so important?" "Timmy, I've been thinking a lot about" "Your little arranged marriage thing." "Still?" "Yes." "I don't think you're focusing enough on" "Exactly what you're giving up." "I give you exhibits A, B, C and double D." "Sir, with all due respect" "And quite frankly, I'm not sure any is due" "I understand that you're against marriage" "Or any other arrangement God might have sanctioned." "But I'm not you." "But you can be." "I don't want to be." "I think you ♪ do ♪" "I truly do not." "Sir, this has been a custom in my culture for centuries," "And I will not be the first person" "In my family to challenge that." "Uhh..." "Oh, hey, Russell." "Hey, what are you guys doing here?" "What do you mean?" "You're paying us 400 bucks." "And no checks this time." "All right, take it easy." "Hey, Timmy, I'd like you to meet my friends." "This is Monica-- Karen." "And Susan." "Jill." "It's so weird you guys are here." "I think Monica likes you." "I think she prefers Karen, sir." "Oh, she likes the other one." "♪ jackpot ♪" "I will not let myself be dragged down to your level." "After all, your life is not exactly" "An advertisement for happily ever after." "Good night." "Oh, so that's it." "Looks like your friend's not into it." "You wanna call this off?" "No." "Adam, look." "Oh, my God, you're right." "My hair is nuts right now." "No, this picture." "You remember the njght we met," "We took that walk through Central Park," "And you kissed me on the bridge by that boat pond?" "This is that picture." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, and for the record, honey, you kissed me." "Well, I got tired of waiting for you to make a move." "Tired of--of waiting?" "I met you, like, 20 minutes before." "Hey, let's come back tomorrow and buy it." "Really?" "Yeah." "Yeah, we need to start accumulating" "Some grown-up stuff." "You know, like, that-- that stupid bowl" "That Jeff and Audrey used to have." "Yeah, we're adults." "We should start acting like it." "Starting now." "Starting now." "Aud, aud." "What--what is it?" "I just saw her." "I saw grandma Shirley." "Jeff!" "I'm serious." "She was right here, just like you described it," "With the dress and the brooch." "All that old lady gear." "All right, it is one thing to make me feel bad" "In front of our friends." "And Russell." "But waking me up just to mock me?" "I'm not!" "I saw her, I swear!" "And now I know that you saw her too." "You do?" "You actually saw her?" "Absolutely, it's real." "And I'm sorry that I didn't support ya." "It must have felt terrible." "I'm sorry." "Okay." "I accept your apology." "Thank you." "And you're not just doing this to get sex out of it?" "Absolutely not." "Oh." "We could still have sex just 'cause, right?" "This is so exciting." "I know." "I can't wait to get home and hang it up." "Oh, wait, allow me." "Oh." "Thank you." "And then Adam turned around, and it was gone." "Well, look on the bright side." "That's what I've been trying to tell her." "What is the bright side?" "Well, for a brief moment" "You owned something worth stealing." "Well, looky here." "Does the fun ever start?" "Well, isn't this nice that everyone's here?" "Jeff has something very important" "He would like to tell you all about last night." "Isn't that right, Jeff?" "What are you doing?" "Hey, if it really happened, it really happened." "You should have no problem telling them." "What are you guys talking about?" "Come on, you didn't think your little act last night" "Got you off the hook, do you?" "Okay, I get it." "Well, last night I saw Audrey's grandma's ghost." "And it was scary and..." "A little bit magical." "I know it's hard to believe, but I know what I saw." "Oh, my God." "Yeah." "Boy, that just gave me goosebumps." "Wait, you believe him?" "Um, Audrey, I don't think Jeff would lie about this." "Neither would I. This is a freaky story, Jeff." "I'm never gonna come to your place again." "Deal." "Hold on, I saw the same ghost, and you all made fun of me." "Audrey, Audrey, don't sponge off Jeff's ghost." "Yeah." "It--it wasn't Jeff's ghost!" "It was my ghost!" "He didn't even believe me." "Well, if your own husband doesn't believe you," "How do you expect us to?" "No, he is lying!" "He didn't see anything!" "I did!" "Sour grapes." "You know, news flash people." "Ghosts are real." "Deal with it." "My friend saw a ghost" "What the hell is happening here?" "Oh, no, this is terrible." "What, are they taking trojan juniors off the market?" "Nah, it's Timmy." "He's on his way to the airport." "He's about to make the worst mistake of his life." "Hey, wait a minute--this has been bugging me, Russell," "So I gotta ask." "He's okay with an arranged marriage," "So why do you care so much?" "It's complicated." "Okay." "Timmy." "Timmy." "Sir, what are you doing here?" "Listen, you're making a big mistake." "Come with me, buddy." "I'm very well aware of your feelings," "But now I'd like to meet my future bride alone." "Okay look, Timmy, um, I-I haven't been" "Totally up front with you about why I'm against all this." "Uh, I know I'm not exactly known as Mr. Romantic" "Ohh, I would disagree, sir." "Most women swoon when they see" "The "no fat chicks" placard on your office door." "Okay, okay." "All right, here's the thing." "I actually do believe in love." "All right?" "I believe there's a special person out there" "For each and every one of us." "But that person isn't chosen by your family." "It's chosen right here inside." "Just kiss him already." "Get outta here, you bat." "Sir, this is your weakest ploy yet." "It's not a ploy." "Why do you think I go through so many women?" "Maybe it's because my uncle glen hugged me in the pool too much" "When I was a kid-- I don't know." "I think it's because" "I'm searching for that special person." "And that's kind of what you're giving up." "You're being sincere?" "Yes, I am." "You deserve to find your own special person." "Well..." "Well, I've never seen this side of you before..." "Mr. Dunbar, and to be honest, for the first time" "I think you may actually have a point." "I do." "Don't you want what everyone wants..." "The moment you see her" "And you realize your search is over?" "Timmy?" "Huh?" "That's tacky." "That's an insult to bowls." "That's more of a plate, dude." "No" "Ahh..." "So when are we gonna tell them" "That we found the bowl at our place?" "Oh, when it stops being fun." "It is fun."