" Hey, Mo, are you gonna eat your pickle?" " Not if you w..." "Here." "You can take mine." "What did I do?" "Buzz, you just pickle blocked me." "My bad." "Joy, I think you'll be happier eating Mo's pickle." "It's, uh... it's younger than mine." "Oh, my god, you guys." "Did you see this?" " I did." " There it is..." "Charlestown South High School reunion." "All I got as a video of my dad doing the ice-bucket challenge." "Too little too late, dad." "Oh, there's the reunion Evite." "Frickin' reunion." "It's like a friendly reminder that your childhood sucked." "All right, all done." "Mo, can you beer me?" "Danni, look." "It's a picture of you and C.J. Price at prom." "Oh, poor C.J." " I was not very nice to him that night." " No, you were not." "But it's kind of funny when you think about it." "'Cause you ditched C.J. To be with A.J." " to give him a b..." " let's just say I was not nice, okay?" "I am sure you did things in high school you were not too proud of." "Not really." "Oh, what about when you and I tried out for cheerleading but I got it and you didn't?" "You wanted to be a cheerleader?" "Two, four, six, eight, who do we humiliate?" "Yeah, I'm excited about this reunion." "Show all those haters who said I'd never amount to anything." "Like that douche right there, Sal Resigno." "Ugh, I hate him." "You know I heard he's a toll-booth operator now?" "Yeah, I can't wait to see him so I can rub all my success in his face." "Look, I hate to intrude on something I care so little about, but if he's a toll-booth operator and you own your own business, haven't you won already?" "No." "The guy humiliated me, buzz, all right?" "He deserves to have all of this rubbed in his face." "Nobody deserves that." "Uh, how exactly did this guy humiliate you?" "With two question marks and a comma." "Ben and Sal ran against each other for junior class president, and Sal changed all of Ben's signs from "Ben for class president Grossman"" "to "Ben?" "For class president?" "Gross, man."" "See, now, kids, punctuation matters." "Yeah, and I lost that election because of Sal Resigno." "But it's not just that, all right?" "Guy was acting like he was better than me or something." "Plus he's anti-Semitic." "Are you sure he's not just anti-Ben?" "You know how Sal would have said that?" ""Jew" sure?" "He'd always try to throw the word "Jew" into every sentence and act like he didn't." "Really?" "He never did anything like that to me." "I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's because you're not Jewish, Mo." "Anyway, when I see that toll-booth operator," "I'm gonna rub all of this in his face." "Can somebody please change the subject so he stops doing that?" "Joy, what are you doing here?" "Everybody left for the reunion." "Oh, Buzzy, something horrible happened." "I found an injured pigeon on the sidewalk." "He must have flown into the front window and broke his little beak." "You talking about those filthy, disease-ridden rats with wings?" "I'm sorry, did you say "one of god's beautiful creations"?" "Yes." "Anyway, he was stunned and helpless, so I made a swaddle out of a shaving towel, and I rushed him to the vet." "Where they promptly threw him into a furnace, but go on." "They promised they would give him seed and monitor his vitals." "Oh, hon, he's in the dumpster." "But go on." "Anyway, I left my dress here, so I had to come back," "And now I'm super late for the reunion." "Well, you got to stop taking care of every single little wounded bird that crosses your path." "Oh, Buzzy, I can't have fun if I know some poor little creature's in pain." "Oh, I'm kidding, Joy." "It's good to know there are people like you in the world." "Thanks, Buzzy." "But you're late and the bird is dead." "Bye-bye, birdie." "Oh." "Lonnie, what are you doing here?" "Oh, I'm waiting for my date." "She should be here any minute." "A date?" "That's nice, Lonnie." "Have fun." "Yeah." "She's classy, so I'm gonna take her out to a nice breakfast..." "French toast." "Lonnie, it's 7:00 P.M." "Yeah, I think she's running a little late." "Hope she hasn't forgotten." "That would break my heart." "But you go have fun." "You poor little wounded bird." "I forgot we went to high school with so many hot girls." "I'm getting a lot of looks, Mo." "It could be they just can't place you without the fedora." "They know who I am, Mo." "Where the hell is Sal Resigno, huh?" "He better have the guts to show up." " Why don't you go see if he's checked in." " No, not now." "I don't want to seem overanxious." "Okay, now I'll go check." "Old friend of Ben's?" "No, he can't stand the guy." "He just wants to rub something in his face." "Hey, Robin, that sounds like most of your dates." "It's funny 'cause I'm a whore." "Pbht!" "Welcome, Charlestown owls." "I'm Rhonda Doyle, your reunion coordinator and hostess for the night, since my family owns this bar." "Oh, get off the stage and get in the kitchen where you belong." "This is my reunion, and I don't have to take your crap tonight!" "Anyway, welcome to the reunion." "Oh, nuts, I did that wrong." "Okay, here is what I have learned so far..." "John Rasick is now a chiropractor with three kids." "And Susan Wentworth is now a courtroom sketch artist." "She drew this." "Does it look like me." "Not in the slightest." "Well, in fairness, she's also an alcoholic." "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god." "Debby with a "y" and Debbie with an "ie."" "It is so good to see you." "It's so good to see you, too, Mo." "Hi, Charmaine." "Debbie, you're looking very white." " Thank you, Charmaine." " I think that was an insult." "I don't think so." "Anyway, big news, Mo." "Rhonda Doyle has asked us to do a cheer at the end of the night." "You in?" "Am I in?" "Are you..." "No." "Uh, I couldn't." "You girls have fun." "I say "boo," you say "hoo."" " Boo." " Hoo." "Single tear." "Mo, it's fine." " Go do the cheer." " Are you kidding?" "After what they put you through in high school?" "I couldn't do that to you." "I don't care." "As far as I'm concerned..." "Poor guy really wrestled with that one, huh?" "So, wow." "She's officially 11 hours late." "You think maybe she's not coming?" "No." "You know how girls are." "They got to exfoliate, moisturize, prime their skin for foundation, sweep on some blush." "Oh, Lonnie, you know a lot about makeup." "My dad was a clown." "Clowns aren't funny at home." "Well, why don't you text her?" "I already did... three times." "I even sent her a dick pic." "Nothing." "You sent her a what?" "A dick pic." "You know, a picture of my hamster, Richard?" "He's really cute." "You know how girls love fluffy, little woodland toot-toots." "Danni." "Oh, hi, C.J." "It's good to see you." "Even if you are sitting next to the jerk who stole you from me." "I'm messing with you." "That's great." "So, how've you been, C.J.?" "Ugh." "Can't complain." "I manage my own hedge fund." "Take a massive vig." "Tool around on the weekends on my boat." "Tools on tools." "You haven't changed, "Charmalaine."" "How about you, A.J.?" "You still playing baseball?" "I keep reading the sports page, but I don't see your name in it." "No, baseball's sort of taken a back seat for me." "Wow." "You found something you like more than baseball." "What is it?" " Cut hair." " Pardon?" "I cut hair." "I'm a barber." "Oh." "Well, the world needs barbers, too." "So, Danni, want to get a drink or you gonna blow me off like you did at prom?" "I'm kidding." "It's what I do." "But you did do that, though." "So drink?" "Sure." "Sure." "I'll be right back." "Have fun." "You know, have a drink." "And then "ceej" and I will finally be even." "We'll never be even." "Oh, okay, so this time, you're not gonna do the thing?" " No." " Okay, great." "Have fun." "Hello, Sal." " Ben." "You look good." " Oh, thank you." "Wish I could say the same for you, but seems like the past few years have really taken their... toll on you." "Oh, right, uh, 'cause I'm a toll-booth operator." "Oh, is that... is that what you... is that what you do?" "I had no idea." "Yeah, I own my own business, myself." "I've got seven employees." "Why are you doing that?" "What, do you own a hooters franchise or something?" "No." "No, I own a barbershop." "It's kind of like sitting in a toll booth, only it's a barbershop and I own it and I've got seven employees." "You guys, I am so jazzed we're doing this." "Completely jazzed." "I feel like last time we did this cheer was at Gloucester High." "Do you remember that game?" "Right, that's when the student section was yelling that homophobic slur at Mo." "Uh, no, they yelled the homophobic slur at the saugas game." "At the Gloucester game, they threw tampons at me." " Kids can be so mean." " Psh, tell me about it." "Instead of being mean, people should be, like, nice." "So, Debbies, uh, speaking of being nice, you know, Charmaine's a really close friend of mine and she always wanted to be a cheerleader." "How do you nice girls feel about letting her do the cheer with us?" "But she never even made the team." "That makes no sense." " I-I know, but tonight..." " No." "Charmaine would ruin it." "She never even smiles." "And what kind of owl doesn't smile?" "And that's when Mark came over, and I was like, "where did Danni go?"" "And he was like, "bad news, C.J." "She left with A.J. To give him a b..."" "Again, I do not know who that person was, and I am so sorry." "God, it must feel like ages ago that you beat me out for junior class president by vandalizing my posters." "You remember that?" "You know, I never congratulated you on your win." "What do you say you let me buy you a drink so we can toast to your big success?" "You know, uh, how about I buy you a drink, man?" "Really?" "You know they don't accept E-Zpass here, right?" "Yeah, yeah." "I bet they'll give it to me for free." "Okay." "And why is that, huh?" "Because you're the former junior class president or, you know, you're the best toll-booth operator In the greater Boston area?" "Or is it just because..." "Oh, shit." "Yep." "They were free." "Listen." "Uh, buddy, listen." "I am so, so sorry." "If I had Kwon, you know..." "Known what?" "You know, that, uh..." "That, uh...?" "You know, the..." "Yeah, I don't..." "I just..." "I don't know what you're trying to say." "We had some crazy times, didn't we, Sally tomato?" "Yeah, I don't know about crazy." "Mostly you were just a douche." "Oh, oh, I was a douche?" "I never understood, how did you get him away from her in the first place?" "I had someone tell him that his mom was on the phone, and then I told the deejay to play Danni's favorite song." "I went over to her, and we flirted." "Then when C.J. came back, we ran." "I miss being the kind of guy that could pull that off." "Can I ask you a question as a friend?" " Of course." " You're a moron." "Not a question, but please go on." "Danni didn't run off with you that night because you were the captain of the baseball team." "And she didn't run off with you because of who you might become." "She did it 'cause she's Danni and you're A.J., and nothing's changed since then." "Huh." "Lonnie, has Jenny ever texted you?" "Oh, sure." "She texted me this morning to say she'd meet me here at 9:00." "And then she texted me to say she was looking forward to it." "And then she texted me how soft and fluffy my dick looked." "You know, you'd be doing me a real favor if you just said "hamster."" "Noted." "Lonnie, I have to tell you something." "I don't think Jenny's coming." "But you know what?" "That's her loss." "I mean, you're great guy." "I think there's gonna be a girl out there who's gonna think you're amazing." "Oh, she's here. 9:00 on the dot." "I must have thought A.M. And it was P.M." "Huh." "That's a relief." "I was just about to throw another pigeon at the window." "Hey, there, tutu." "Hope you like food." "Oh, are you stuck in a tree?" "Well, tough shit." "Save yourself." "I'm going to my reunion." "Wow, C.J." "You have a lot of stories" " about how wonderful you are." " Thanks." "Here's another one." "So, I'm having dinner with the president of Harvard, right?" " Hey, uh, are you C.J. Price?" " Yeah." "Oh, there's a phone call for you at the bar." "Something happened to your mom?" "What?" "Oh, my god." "I hope she wasn't driving the boat." "She's never supposed to drive the boat." "Hey, Danni?" "This one's for you." "♪ I waited till I saw the sun ♪" "You've got to be kidding me." "Hey." "You didn't." "I might have." "You know what I was thinking might be kind of funny?" " What's that?" " If you, uh, stood C.J. up again." "Oh, really?" "Like if he came back from that fake phone call and we were in the backseat of your car just like prom?" "Yeah." "Just like prom." "Same car, even." "That would be funny." "So funny." "♪ When I saw the break of day ♪" "He's coming back." " Run." " Okay." "In just a couple minutes, we're gonna have a real treat for you." "You're gonna stop talking?" "The cheer squad is gonna lead us in a cheer." "And, by the way, someone hurled in the ladies' room, and someone who's working tonight needs to clean it up, Rita." "Now, once you get past the stairs down to the shop, everything's handicap accessible." "Yeah, I wouldn't be able to enjoy my success if I wasn't, uh, compassionate towards the less fortunate." "Yeah, what is this success you keep talking about?" "Didn't you just buy a crappy old barber shop four blocks from your house with money that your grandma gave you, and it's not doing any better business now than when you got it in the first place?" "Yeah." "Uh, unlike you, Ben, I, uh, I did my research." "Yeah, you did." "You sure did, pal." "You know, you always were thorough." "It's one of the things I admired about you." "Okay." "Uh..." "Best of luck." "And, uh, thank you so much for the drink." "Jew are welcome." "What was that?" " Oh, nothing." " Okay." "Bye-bye." " Best of luck to Jew." " Nope." "See, you don't get that." "You don't get that, all right?" "Not even in your little..." "You don't get that, okay?" "All right?" "You're a prick." "You've always been a prick." "And now you're just a prick in a wheelchair." "Oh, no." "No, no, no, no, no." "It's not what you think." "Yeah, no, no, no." "No, no." "He was wishing me best of luck in a terrible way." "And he... re-punctuated my posters." " You guys ready?" " So ready." " Ready, Mo?" " Ready." "Wait, I'm not ready." "You're not gonna bring up Charmaine again, are you?" "Including Charmaine is the right thing to do." "I mean, isn't cheerleading all about unity?" "About people shedding their egos to form one group whose sole purpose is to support others?" "No." "It's about being hot." "I think they're ready for you up there." "I'm sure it'll be a delight, but I'll be mopping up vomit." "Sorry." "Old pre-cheer habit." "Well, Mo?" "What's it gonna be?" "Are you with us or not?" "Rita, do you mind if I borrow that mop?" "There's an old mess I'd like to clean up." "I'm sorry, Rita, it can't be helped." "Okay." "Classmates, friends, people who called me "Mo the homo,"" "Real creative." "The rest of the squad couldn't make it up here, so I'm gonna need my good friend Charmaine to help me." "Oh, no." "I learned this routine with her when we were in the 10th grade, and she was better at it than me." "So get up here, Charmaine." "Give her a hand, everybody." "Oww!" " What are you doing?" " Cheering with my friend." "Unless you don't remember the choreography." "5, 6, 7, 8." "All right." "Okay." "We've got something to say." "You're lost in the forest and you're going to be our prey." "We can see in the dark and we live up high in trees." "We can turn our necks 270 degrees." "'Cause we're the owls." "Who?" "That's right, the owls" "Who?" "The Charlestown owls." "Who?" "We hunt at night." " Are you smiling?" " Shut up." "I made it." "What did I miss?" "You mean besides the reunion?" "Everything." "And last call's in 10 minutes, so get out there and make some memories." "Oh, hey, Sal." "What happened?" "I just saw you on the treadmill at the gym last week." "Yeah, I got clipped pretty bad by a car working the graveyard shift at the toll booth." "I'm stuck in this thing for three more months." "Well, you've always been an awful anti-Semite, so I guess you got what you deserved." "Nice to see you." "Oh, hey." "Oh, my god." "I can't believe we stayed up all night." "I can't believe Charmaine smiled at the end of a cheerleading routine and I missed it." "It's like everyone saw a leprechaun except me." "Well, I wouldn't be surprised if Charmaine was willing to flash you that smile right now." "Surprise." "Ohh, you guys started early." "I'm so proud." "We came back after the reunion to have a beer, and we ended up talking all night." "Huh." "So how was it?" "You guys have fun?" "They did." "It was a complete disaster for me." "I made a complete fool out of myself in front of everyone." "Well, you know, Ben, in japan, there are people who actually derive sexual pleasure" "From being publicly shamed." "I know." "Why do you care what everyone else thinks?" "You don't get it." "You all had each other in high school, right?" "I just had Mo." "Hurtful." "You know what I mean, all right?" "They all had friends." "I just had you." "Making it worse." "I was never part of a group." "What do you think this is?" "You were part of our group then, you're part of it now, Ben.." "Really?" "Absolutely." "We just don't like you very much." " I'm part of the group?" " Yes." "A part we don't like." "Oh wow." "Look at that." "The shop opens up in 10 minutes." "Hey, friend," "You know, since we've been up for 24 hours, know what would be nice?" "If you let us have the day off." "You're the funny one of the group, Joy." "Yeah, no, all of you come on." "Let's go." "Got a long day ahead of us."