"Moments..." "This is one." "This right here, right now, is definitely a moment." "Tessa?" "Anything could happen next." "Tessa?" "What?" "You're not listening to me." "I am listening to you." "What did I just say?" "I wasn't listening to you." "I'm saying this is a big night for you." "Number one on the list." "There is no list." "You were gonna make a list." "I haven't started." "Then start now." "Go on." "Right." "So, which one do you want?" "Because I really don't mind." "The blond one." "The blond one?" "You're sure?" "You want him?" "Like I said, I don't mind." "Just..." "You can have the blond one." "Only if you're sure." "Zo..." "What, babe?" "If I do this with someone I don't know, does that make me a slag?" "It makes you alive." "So, that club, are you guys regulars there?" "No." "You?" "Sometimes, you know." "Right." "Is there anywhere else we can go?" "Do you want a cup of tea?" "Or coffee?" "Sure, yeah." "Either." "We haven't actually got any coffee." "Okay." "I can't find the tea." "Water's fine." "So, what's your favorite..." "Do you want to kiss me?" "God, yeah." "Jesus Christ!" "It's okay." "Jesus bloody Christ!" "It's fine." "What happened?" "This girl's head..." "Her head came off in my hand!" "What are you laughing at?" "It's not funny." "Scared the piss out of me." "So, do you often go out in disguise?" "The hair hat and all." "I got given it." "I was ill." "Are you better now?" "All better." "Aren't we supposed to do that for a bit longer?" "I'm ready now." "Wait, wait." "Can you just look at me for one second?" "This is my first time." "Wow." "That's amazing." "Obviously it's not yours." "Stop talking now." "Yeah, not like this." "What?" "Sorry." "Not gonna happen." "You're shitting me." "You come this far, and..." "I'm sorry." "Really." "Whatever." "Okay." "Okay." "Thanks." "Thank you." "I don't understand it." "I just don't get it." "You always tell me everything." "I never tell you anything." "Why don't you start now?" "What were you doing last night?" "Keep asking, Dad." "The 15th time is the charm." "Hi, I'm Caroline, Richard's producer." "We spoke on the phone." "Hi." "Good to meet you in person." "And this must be Tessa." "That's me!" "The lift's not working." "Can she manage the stairs?" "Yeah, she'll be fine." "Okay." "Tessa Scott and her father." "Hi, guys." "Take a seat." "Hello." "Really pleased to be here." "Yeah, we're big fans." "Great." "We'll just have a little chat." "Be as natural as you can and I'll help you through." "Okay?" "So, what's your angle going to be?" "Is it the whole dying girl thing, or do you have something original planned?" "Sorry?" "Tessa." "I know it's heavy stuff, but let's try to keep it upbeat." "Yeah?" "And now I'm delighted to have as my guest in the studio a very brave young lady indeed, Tessa Scott." "Tessa's been living with leukemia for the past four years, and she's here with her dad to talk about it." "Tell us, when did you realize that Tessa was first ill?" "Four years ago." "She had, well, we thought it was the flu, Tessa's mum and I." "But the flu just wouldn't clear up." "The blood test confirmed our worst fears." "The doctors told us they couldn't hold out any hope for her survival, which brought us to the point where Tessa felt like she had no choice but to end her chemotherapy entirely." "Tessa, you chose to give up the treatment." "That's a big decision for a 17-year-old." "If I may..." "The more aggressive treatments, they would have only slightly prolonged Tessa's life." "There are other ways to maintain her health." "Dad..." "For example, studies have shown that good nutrition can rebalance a system entirely." "That's why we're here really, to raise awareness, and..." "Dad..." "What?" "He's gonna have to stop sometime." "Stop what, Tessa?" "He knows it's gonna happen." "But he can't stop hoping that it won't." "It's true that if I kept going with the chemo," "I'd probably live a bit longer." "But it made me feel so bad." "And there are things I want to do before I die." "Things?" "Yeah." "I've got a list." "Oh." "Your dad didn't mention that." "That's 'cause he doesn't know about it." "Most of what's on it is illegal." "I'm almost scared to ask." "Well, I nearly had sex last night, which isn't actually technically against the law of course, but it was so crap the guy should be arrested anyway." "Okay, I think that's all we've got time for." "Next I'm planning to take drugs." "Do you have any advice which ones?" "That's enough, Tessa." "Very amusing." "Sex and drugs and rock 'n' roll." "Ladies and gents, I think you'll agree there is a young lady taking life by the horns." "Thank you very much, Tessa and her dad." "Thank you." "And now the weather." "Squally this morning, rounding up this afternoon and clearing for the rest of the week." "She's out." "No." "Dad..." "Wait." "Bad night?" "There's no such thing." "Hello, darlings." "Come on in." "Hi, Mum." "You look stressed." "Blame her." "Back at 4:.00." "It's a new trick, Mum." "I can make a coin disappear." "Do you want to see it?" "No, darling." "Not before coffee." "Nothing before the coffee." "Show your sister." "She's never interested." "She doesn't care." "I'm sure she does." "I really don't." "Why don't you go and watch CBeebies or something?" "Because I'm nine." "I heard you on the radio." "You met a boy." "Tessa, promise me you'll always use a condom." "I know the smell of rubber can be off-putting, but, then, so is gonorrhea." "Please stop." "My panic attack is having a panic attack." "And don't have casual sex." "Really?" "No, darling." "You must always, always try as hard as you can." "I've got to get a tattoo." "And I want one and all." "Over my whole body, of myself." "And taller, with bigger tits." "What's up?" "He's such a bloody liar." "Who?" "Scott." "Said he had a stall here." "ls that why we came?" "I can't believe he'd blow me off." "I gave him the ride of his life." "Zo..." "Wanker." "Zo..." "What?" "He's right there." "Hey, handsome." "What's up?" "I don't know." "You tell me." "Or better yet, show me." "Hey." "Hey." "How are you?" "I'm fine." "I know I left you hanging the other night and I just wanted..." "No, it was my fault." "What?" "I just..." "I could've been a bit more..." "She told you." "What?" "You did, didn't you?" "You told him about me." "Shouldn't have done that." "Tessa, wait!" "Tessa!" "Hey." "You missed lunch." "You eat it." "What are you doing with all this?" "There's a bonfire in the garden next door." "Don't do that." "Please don't do that." "If you don't want these things, I do." "That's Spain." "You were in remission." "A boy whistled at me, and you took that." "Said I'd never want to forget my first whistle." "Yeah." "But I do." "What are you doing?" "Do you mind?" "Feel very free." "I'm Adam." "And you're Tessa." "I've seen you around, since we moved here." "I meant to introduce myself, but..." "They're not love letters." "It's none of my business." "I'm just saying." "I didn't get dumped or anything." "I wouldn't have thought so." "Anyway, I've got more stuff to burn." "Cool, whack it on." "This is going." "Probably best." "That's a dangerous dress." "Are you okay?" "Tessa?" "All right, don't move." "Don't move." "I think you fainted." "Are you diabetic?" "Do you need sugar?" "Have some of this." "It's flat." "You're tough to please." "You say that like it's a bad thing." "Okay, excellent." "Not embarrassed, not embarrassed at all." "No, it's cool, all right?" "I mean, I've never had that effect on someone before." "I kind of like it." "This is a nice garden." "Thanks." "It's kind of my thing." "It keeps my mum happy." "How about your dad?" "It's just the two of us." "I should get home." "All right." "You need help?" "It's not exactly far." "So, anytime you've got something to burn..." "Or I just want to pass out in front of someone..." "You know where to come." "Yes, I do." "When Tessa dies, can we go on holiday?" "Cal, that's an awful thing to say." "I don't even remember going to Spain." "It was so long ago, it might not even be true." "Cal, that's enough." "Go to your room." "Dad..." "What's wrong?" "Get out!" "What did I say that was wrong?" "It's all very confusing." "No, it's not." "This is your day." "And what does that mean?" "That I'll do whatever you want." "Buy more things?" "Sure." "Where does the money come from?" "A credit card." "Buy now, pay later." "Or you know, not." "Watch where you're flying." "You almost poked the guy's eye out." "I wish I could fly for real." "Yeah?" "Amazing!" "That was better than the best thing ever!" "Can I go again?" "I think it's your sister's go." "I'm good, I'm just watching." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "She's sick." "She can't do this kind of thing." "All right, mate, well, let's get you hooked up again." "Actually, you know what?" "I will have a crack." "Ready?" "Ready." "Tessa, I don't know if this is a good idea." "ls she okay?" "She's fine." "She just doesn't want it to end." "It wasn't your money." "She's late." "Do you hear what I'm saying?" "She promised she'd come." "Tessa..." "Do you want Cal to return everything?" "Why should he be punished?" "What are you doing?" "ls this to do with your list?" "I don't have a list." "You told that radio guy you had a list." "He was a knob." "Yeah, he was a knob." "You were still more honest with him than you are with me." "How do you think that makes me feel?" "I don't give a crap how you feel." "She's not coming." "Let's do this." "Tessa, there'll be a slight pinch and burn, then the anesthetic will kick in." "All right?" "Good." "Now, I wiggle up and down to break the tissue around the insertion point." "She may feel a slight tugging across the chest, but once the line detaches from the cuff, it will simply slide away." "Now, of course I can reinsert the catheter should you wish to recommence your treatment." "I'm saying you can change your mind." "I won't change my mind." "Dad?" "She won't change her mind." "All right then." "Hold that for me." "Good girl." "Do you want to slap my rump?" "What?" "No." "Then don't talk to me like I'm a horse." "Yes." "Sorry." "Hey, it's done now." "It's done." "You know what to look out for?" "Yeah." "Chill, fever, stiff neck or headache." "Drainage, bleeding, loss of strength." "You're good." "Thanks for all your help." "She likes you." "I doubt that." "I mean it." "You're bang in there." "You should definitely ask her out or something." "Tessa!" "Tessa, wait, I'm here." "I'm coming." "Stay there." "Oh, God, did I miss it?" "I left on time." "But there was this insane traffic." "I definitely left on time." "I just..." "Sure, whatever." "Tessa..." "I don't care." "Oh, don't be like that." "How do you expect her to be?" "I'm sorry, this has what to do with you?" "ls that a serious question?" "Yes, it's a serious..." "Enough." "You both suck." "One of you is this cancer obsessive, and the other can't even face showing up at the hospital, which is fine," "I get it." "But neither of you are what I need." "You're just wasting my time." "All I'm saying..." "This is not gonna be all you say." "All I'm saying is..." "There'll be another thing." "All I'm saying is, you don't have to stay in on my account." "You could go out and see your friends more often." "And that's all I'm saying." "Okay." "Okay." "I've just taken drugs." "Excellent." "Have you met my mum?" "Hi." "Hi." "Mushrooms is all I did, which are natural." "If not strictly legal." "My friend did buy some ketamine, but she thought the dealer was a bit skanky, so we've gone with the shrooms instead." "See you inside." "That went well." "I thought so." "How much did you take?" "Not much." "I don't know, I'm not really that clued up on the stuff." "Yeah, me neither." "Look, I'll drive you somewhere." "Keep you out of trouble." "I'm not sure how long it takes to kick in." "About that long." "Don't be afraid." "What?" "What?" "What did you say?" "All right, we could hang out here." "There's no one around, so you guys can go crazy." "I don't want to go crazy." "I don't have to go crazy at all." "I'll just be up here." "What are you doing?" "All right." "Get down." "Come on, get down, off the roof." "No." "Come on, get down." "Please." "Why?" "Are you gonna make me?" "No, I'm just gonna tell you." "Get down." "Fine." "All right?" "Thank you." "Harshing my buzz." "Where's Tessa?" "What?" "We gotta go after her." "We didn't see which way she went." "We need to find her." "Now." "She'll come back." "I mean, it's no big thing." "We're just out here." "There's no danger." "Yes, there is." "Why?" "Zoey..." "This time I'm really not supposed to tell you." "Not supposed to tell me what?" "Tessa!" "Tessa!" "Tessa!" "Tessa!" "I've discovered something." "Are you okay?" "Can you get down?" "I don't want to." "All right, just wait." "Just hold on, I'm coming." "Just hold on." "Tessa..." "You need to come down now, please." "You need to let me help you climb down." "I'm going to tell you something." "But you have to promise not to tell anyone, okay?" "I'm not sick here." "I'm not sick anymore." "I just need to stay here in this wood." "I need to keep away from the modern world and all its gadgets and then I won't be sick." "You can stay with me if you want." "I'd like it if you did." "We'll build things, shelters and tracks." "We'll grow vegetables." "We'll be safe." "Tessa..." "No." "Please." "Don't say anything." "Tessa?" "What?" "Will I still be a brother when you're dead?" "I'll still be around." "Are you going to haunt me?" "Not ifyou don't want me to." "Just I might be a bit scared." "The nurse is here." "Dad says come down when you're ready." "Enjoying your cake?" "It's lovely." "Thank you, Tessa." "I'm Philippa." "You don't look like you're feeling too good." "Would you be?" "Take nothing personally." "She was rude to last week's nurse, too." "Sian, I think she was called." "Don't pretend you've forgotten her name, Dad." "You asked her to stay for supper." "She said no." "I'll be next door." "He does everything wrong." "How does that make you feel?" "lt makes me laugh." "You know, there are support groups." "Places you can meet people in the same position as you." "I went to one of those." "Met a cool girl called Angela." "So why not talk to her about all this?" "Because she died." "Last time I make that mistake." "Are we done?" "Hey." "Hey." "You don't have to look at me like that." "I'm just dying." "It's not contagious." "How are you feeling today?" "Can I come for a ride?" "Do you always answer a question with another question?" "Does that annoy you?" "Bit tricky to ride this at the minute." "I thought I'd strip the engine down, give it a clean." "And now you can't put it back together." "What do you mean?" "I can, no trouble." "Just so long as this bit wasn't important." "Where did you say we were going again?" "I didn't." "What?" "A good long cross-country hike." "Excellent." "Because my big problem is too much energy to burn." "Nearly there." "It's worth it, yeah?" "Yes." "So, what's the story with you and your mum?" "My dad died last year." "He was hit by a car." "I had a place at college, but I had to defer it." "You should still go." "I don't know." "I kind of..." "I'm not sure I was ready for it anyway." "Are you afraid?" "It comes and goes." "Most people think that when you're sick you become fearless and brave, but you don't." "Most of the time it's like being stalked by a psycho," "like I might get shot any second." "Sometimes I forget about it for hours." "What makes you forget?" "When I was with you in the wood," "I didn't think about it for the whole afternoon." "Look at me." "I'm not thinking about it now." "So, why don't you want to go?" "I shouldn't have said anything." "Genie's out of the bottle now." "Whose party is it?" "I'm not sure." "You didn't get invited?" "That's not really how it works." "But all your mates are going?" "I guess, yeah." "I just haven't done this stuff in a while." "Makes two of us." "Hey, so, do you just want to hang out here?" "I'll get us something to drink." "Yeah." "Or come with me?" "I'll come with you." "Hey, there he is!" "Hi, guys." "Sorry to bother you, it's just we used to know someone who looked just like your friend here." "I'm Tessa." "It's nice to meet you." "If you're the one that got him out of the house, it's good to meet you, too." "How's college?" "You don't even have to pretend to learn anything." "You should try it." "Yeah, I will, sometime." "Are you drinking this?" "Yeah, actually..." "Yeah, it's good, I think, just to pop in to parties like that." "Don't want to outstay a welcome, do you?" "You got a pretty big one there." "You should get out more." "Well, then they wouldn't care when I walked in, would they?" "Did that girl hurt you?" "Other way round." "I caught her fist a good one with my chin, then whacked her right in the knee with my nose." "You need to be careful." "No, I don't." "That's the thing." "Here you go then." "How do you mean?" "This is you." "No, bollocks, no way." "I'll walk you to your door." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, of course, no trouble." "See?" "Thank you." "Hey." "Hello." "You dropped a fiver." "What?" "That fiver." "You dropped it." "That's not mine." "I saw it come out of your pocket." "Really?" "Yeah." "'Cause I was looking." "Okay, well, thanks." "That was so cool." "lt totally was." "We rock as criminals." "That flirty eye thing you were doing." "What about you nipping in there with the perfect timing?" "So now what?" "Now we get some cash out and party." "With the card?" "Right." "Okay." "What's the number?" "What do you mean?" "Didn't you see the number?" "No, I was doing the flirty eye thing." "I was nipping in there." "We suck as criminals." "Probably best." "The guy seemed all right." "Maybe we should try and give his card back." "And how are we going to do that?" "Not interrupting anything, am I?" "Get..." "Tessa..." "What?" "The card." "What about it?" "Give it back to him!" "Scott plays it cool." "I know he's crazy about me." "How'd you know?" "Because he's a guy." "I'll take your word for it." "So, why didn't he call me last night?" "Zo, there's something I need to tell you." "Let's get this done first." "Remember, shoplifting's all about confidence." "Walk tall, pick and pocket." "In there, we go in separate." "Why not together?" "More suspicious." "Go on." "Right." "Tessa?" "Tessa Scott?" "No." "Sorry." "lt is you." "Don't you remember us?" "From school." "Oh, yeah." "You left in Year 1 1, didn't you?" "Ten." "So how's it going?" "Are you still having all that treatment?" "Not anymore." "So you're better?" "No." "What do you two want?" "Hi, Zoey." "You helping her shop?" "Are you ready to go?" "Yeah." "Is it true you've been seeing Scott Redmond?" "What's it to you?" "Do you know him?" "All right, let's go." "Everybody knows him." "He went out with my sister for about half an hour." "Is that right?" "I have to go collect the invites for my funeral." "Really?" "Yeah." "I also need to sort out the readings." "Make sure it's not that bloody poem." "It's been done to death." "Let go of me." "They're idiots, Zo." "They don't know anything." "I know." "I have to go find him." "Now?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry." "I need to go." "Hey!" "Another one!" "Stop her too!" "Gotcha." "Sit down." "Empty your pockets." "Well, I'd call that evidence, wouldn't you?" "Name." "Address." "Parents' phone numbers." "Don't call my dad." "We have a choice." "We can call him, or we can call the police." "The police, every time." "Now, I told that guy out there I'd handle it, and if you..." "Listen..." "This is a portacath." "It's an access disk for medical treatments." "I have acute lymphoblastic leukemia." "Please put your shirt back on." "Do you know what acute lymphoblastic leukemia is?" "No, I'm afraid I don't." "It's cancer." "I still have to call your dad." "And you, what's your excuse?" "What did she take?" "One Clearblue Home Pregnancy Test." "Was this on the list?" "Shoplifting?" "What are you doing, Tessa?" "What are you doing?" "As much as I can." "As fast as I can." "I wish you'd stop." "You'd prefer I spend the rest of my life huddled in a blanket on the sofa, with my head on your shoulder." "Yeah, I would." "Can you blame me?" "Yes, I would." "My point is..." "Well, my point is, I like a strong woman." "You've always wanted to be carried to bed." "I have always wanted to be carried to bed." "What I don't do, is bring to a mate's party an, admittedly perfectly formed, young pixie warlock." "Yeah, she's isn't a warlock." "I mean you can't just go around starting fights every which way and shaking things up like that." "Apparently you can." "What are you doing here?" "I've been stalking you all day." "I only just now plucked up the courage to reveal myself." "Really?" "No." "My dad's in the health food store." "He could drive past." "It's nice to see your mates again." "Yeah." "Always a pleasure." "Well, I'll see you around, maybe." "Sure, yeah." "I know you're looking." "I'm not looking." "Liar." "Perhaps you should think about going back to school." "A bit of normality in your life." "I'm not going back to school." "There's got to be some perks to terminal illness." "I'm killing you, right?" "Every day." "Watch out, mate." "Bloody idiot." "What's this guy up to?" "Tessa, where are you going?" "Tessa?" "Tessa!" "That was good." "A ride on a motorbike." "Should have been on my list." "What is?" "Name one." "Fame." "How famous do you want to be?" "Enough for the whole world to stop what it's doing and personally come and say goodbye to me when I die." "I think it's good you're not asking too much there." "I just want to have my name out there somewhere, you know." "You don't have to worry about being forgotten, Tess." "Anything else?" "Yeah." "What are you doing?" "I just thought of another." "You're not gonna swim naked." "No way." "You think I'm crazy?" "Not naked." "Tess!" "Tess!" "Okay, count of three, yeah?" "What?" "Just got to commit." "We just run in, full whack." "Deal." "Right." "Bollocks." "Here we go." "One, two, three!" "You're evil!" "You are so evil!" "How is it?" "Yeah, actually really gorgeous and lovely." "Really?" "No." "But go for it anyway." "Come on, what are you scared of?" "Nothing." "Okay, okay." "See, the great thing is, I have actually always wondered if it was possible to dry yourself with a sock." "Thanks for doing that with me." "I wouldn't have missed it for the world." "The stars are out." "Yeah." "See that group of five up there?" "The kind of curved shape." "See them?" "See them?" "Yeah." "I've got no idea what they're called." "Go on." "No." "What?" "I'm sorry." "Don't you like me?" "It's not that." "I don't think I can handle it." "I'll see you around." "Tess..." "Tess, wait." "Come on." "Tessa, come on." "No, I've made a mistake." "What?" "What mistake?" "You can't save me." "When you were a baby, me and your mum used to lie awake at night watching you breathe." "We were convinced that if we stopped looking, you'd forget how to do it." "As your kids get older, it's a different kind of worry." "It never ever goes." "Please think about that." "You know, I kind of prefer it when you give me shit." "Tessa?" "Tessa?" "Nurse!" "Here, darling." "Okay, okay." "We'll soon have that cleared up." "I'm sorry." "Sorry." "It's okay, darling." "Hello, Tessa." "How are you?" "Good." "I think dignity's overrated anyway." "We performed some tests last night." "I'm afraid the cancer has spread to your spinal fluid." "Things are progressing more quickly than we first thought." "You've moved further down the line." "How much further?" "I would encourage you to do the things you want to do." "I'm trying." "Enchanted Garden!" "That was lovely." "Boring." "Do another." "What do you want to do?" "Should I do a rocket?" "Yes!" "Do a rocket!" "Okay." "Remind me again why you're here." "Your father said he'd chop my legs off if I didn't show up." "Ready, everybody?" "Cover your ears, this is gonna be a loud one." "Okay." "Okay?" "Okay." "Not bad." "What else you got in there?" "Should I go for a 21-shot Cascade?" "Yes, do the Cascade!" "I'll count." "Ready?" "Right, here we go." "One, two, three..." "Three..." "Four..." "Four, five six, seven, eight, nine, 10." "Tessa..." "What's the worst that can happen?" "It'll hurt." "It already hurts." "Zoey was right." "I'm alive." "I'm alive." "Morning, Dad." "Sleep well?" "Who are you?" "What have you done with my daughter?" "Sit." "Eat." "Drink coffee." "Dad, I want to introduce someone." "Oh, God." "This is Adam." "Adam, Dad." "It's good to meet you, sir." "You don't have to call him sir." "Sir will be fine." "Excellent." "Who wants toast?" "You can go." "And miss all the fun?" "It's all right, Tess." "Sit down." "Yeah." "It's a terrible day in a man's life when his daughter brings a boy home." "I always thought if I killed the first one, word would get around." "Do you go to college?" "Yeah, I had a place." "Then some stuff happened, you know." "I know what happened." "I'm sorry for your loss." "Yeah." "How is your mum doing?" "Some days she seems okay." "Yeah." "I used to think that about Tessa." "You're aware of her condition?" "Yeah, she's told me everything." "No, she hasn't." "If she wants you to find her attractive, then one thing she won't have done is told you everything." "How old are you?" "Why?" "Because at your age, you shouldn't have to be nursing someone." "Tessa doesn't need nursing." "Yes, she does." "And she will more and more." "And you, my young friend, you're simply not up to the task." "So, why don't you do us all a favor, and piss off out of what's left of her life." "So, how'd you get your dad to lend you the car?" "I thought you weren't speaking to him." "I knew there was a reason I forgot to ask." "Well, thanks for bringing me." "I thought it would be full of girls holding tissues and looking gutted." "At least Scott paid for privacy." "He'll get over it." "No, never." "He never will." "He hates me." "Do you?" "I'm just talking to them today." "About making another appointment?" "Yes." "Yeah, I want it gone, all right?" "Zoey Walker?" "We're ready for you now." "I just want it gone." "You hit that curb." "Wasn't my fault." "The road should have been straight." "There you go." "Tess, you know I've got no choice." "You don't even know what those words mean." "Why did you come if you were just going to disapprove?" "'Cause that's why you asked me." "Hey." "Evening." "That was my first drive." "First ever?" "Well, then you did fantastic." "You think?" "Yeah." "Yeah, that's just how changing gear is meant to sound." "It's my dad's car." "Deserves what it gets." "He's just trying to keep you safe." "I think that ship has sailed, don't you?" "Would you like to go on a date with me?" "Just it occurred to me we've never actually been on a date, like a proper one, and I thought that maybe we should." "You know, it doesn't have to be right tonight, like now, but, you know, the offer's there, for anytime." "You just let me know when suits." "Now is good." "Christ, Tessa." "You could have called." "What are you doing here?" "Dad and Cal are looking for you." "Where have you been?" "We'll have to talk about it some other time." "Why?" "'Cause I've got a date." "Yeah." "She's here." "Not tonight." "Please, not tonight." "Okay, I've called your father." "I've told him not to worry." "He's going..." "Oh, my God." "It's just a nosebleed." "No, it's pumping out of you." "Tessa, I..." "What should I do?" "I don't know..." "Here, take a towel." "Sit down." "Pinch your nose or something." "Oh, you need to go to hospital." "lt'll stop in a minute." "I'm calling your father." "Should I call your father?" "I don't know what to do." "Tell me what to do!" "Just get me some ice." "What?" "lce!" "A bag of frozen peas would be best." "Right." "Frozen peas." "There's sweet corn." "Is sweet corn okay?" "Oh, Jesus." "You have to take me to hospital." "I can't, Tessa." "I think your father should do this." "There isn't time." "Okay." "Yes." "Ambulance, please." "Quickly." "Quickly!" "Who is it?" "No." "Who is it?" "He can't..." "I need help." "Don't let him in." "No, I need help." "He can't see me like this!" "Tess, I can't do this on my own." "I need help." "Coming." "Help me get her downstairs." "Come on." "Are you gonna help?" "Get him out!" "Please." "All right, just go." "We can manage." "Go." "Would you hold that?" "Thank you." "Adam." "She must be thirsty." "She's lost so much blood." "Should she have some water?" "Should she?" "Let's see what the doctor says, all right." "Good." "Here you are." "Right." "Any signs of thrombocytopenia before today?" "Mum?" "Mum?" "Sorry, me?" "Has she complained of a headache?" "Have you noticed any pinprick bruising?" "I didn't look, to be honest." "When was the last platelet transfusion?" "I'm not sure." "I can try..." "I can try and find out." "Has she used any aspirin products recently?" "I don't know." "I don't..." "I'm sorry." "I don't know the answers to any of these questions." "My last platelet transfusion was May 18th." "Okay, thank you." "Don't talk." "Mum, get yourself round here, and hold your daughter's hand." "Okay." "Squeeze your mum's hand once for yes, twice for no." "Understand?" "Don't talk." "Yes." "Any signs of thrombocytopenia?" "Headaches?" "Bruising?" "No." "Aspirin products?" "Bonjela?" "Teejel?" "Anti-inflammatories?" "No, none of those." "No." "Good." "Now I'm afraid we're going to need to cauterize your nose." "Have you been cauterized before?" "Yes, she has." "Okay." "We'll check your platelets, and then you're going to need at least a couple of units." "A rough night, but you'll be back home tomorrow." "We got there in the end." "They said it was a posterior nosebleed, the..." "You know, the bad kind." "They had to pack her nose with vaso..." "Vasoconstrictive." "Yeah, vasoconstrictive agents." "And before they transfused in two units, they did a platelet count." "And?" "Stable." "You did well." "I'm here, you can go now if you want." "Can I stay?" "Yeah." "How are you feeling?" "Sleepy." "Thank you for being there." "It was a bit of a shock." "For your boy, too." "It was understandable." "He's a hot buttered biscuit, that one." "Yeah, that's exactly how I'd describe him." "What would you say?" "When he's not with me, I think I've made him up." "He didn't call or come after us, or anything?" "No." "Maybe I did make him up." "Good God." "What?" "There, on the bridge." "That's odd." "You're everywhere, Tessa!" "He's done it." "He's put my name in the world." "Juggling clubs!" "You brought me juggling clubs!" "Happy birthday." "Can you do these?" "Yeah." "A bit, yeah." "I'll help you practice later ifyou want." "Dad, can Adam stay for dinner?" "No." "Mum..." "I don't live here, do I?" "Thank you." "But let him stay." "It's a conspiracy." "All right, on with the magic show." "Pick a card." "Five of hearts." "No." "One day I'll get the right one, and you'll all crap yourselves." "Oh, nice." "He's allowed to say that, is he?" "It's only "crap."" "Well, that's another one to cross off the list." "How's the list going?" "Things I thought mattered don't matter so much anymore." "How about you?" "Got anything you wanna put up there?" "I'm fine." "I mean, there are things I've kind of, you know, opted out of I guess." "No, I'm not like you like that." "I don't..." "Adam?" "Yeah." "You've got to get in the game." "So have a think." "What are your hopes, your dreams?" "Right now?" "Yeah." "Let go of my hand." "Let go of my hand." "I'll wipe out." "Yeah, but I'll be miles away." "Go on, all the way across." "Just lean forward and run." "You can do it." "Lean and run, got it." "Get in!" "Tessa Scott is in the house!" "Cal, how do you stop?" "Use the wall." "Cal!" "Use the wall!" "Hi, babe." "Hey." "You looked good out there." "I kept falling down." "My bum hurts." "You should put some ice on it." "I'm keeping the baby." "Really?" "Yeah." "Yes." "It's a girl." "I'm having a girl." "And I'm gonna call her Lauren." "That's what I'm gonna do." "I want to be there." "If you don't want me in the birth, then I can sit outside and come in afterwards." "I want to be one of the first people in the world to ever hold your baby." "It's five months away." "Then it's something to aim for." "You see, some people would find this beautiful." "But all I can think is, it's killing my poor vegetables." "Hey, what's up, Tess?" "It's not enough." "Us." "This." "How do you mean?" "Stay with me." "Stay the nights." "What do you want from me, Tess?" "Nighttime." "Sleeping together." "Waking up together." "Breakfast." "What do you really want?" "I want you to be with me in the dark." "To hold me." "To keep loving me." "To help me when I get scared." "To come right to the edge and see what's there." "What if I get it wrong?" "It's impossible to get wrong." "For you." "It's a snow angel." "No." "No, no and no." "Dad..." "ls this on the list?" "A boy staying over?" "Forget it." "No." "You know, this is not easy for me to ask." "Well, it's very easy for me to answer." "I thought you wanted to talk." "Not about this." "I won't permit it." "End of discussion." "Don't pull rank on me." "I have rank." "I'm your father." "Not for much longer." "Are you ready?" "It's too far." "Just jump." "It's too bloody far." "Good night then." "Wait." "What are you doing?" "Psyching myself up." "Oh, is that gonna take a while, 'cause I quite fancy a cup of tea." "Oh, my God." "Are you all right?" "No." "I've broken my arm." "Both arms." "I've broken everything." "Hi." "Hi." "But you're here." "He's in there, isn't he?" "Yes." "I told you I didn't want that." "I know." "You know why?" "I think so." "He's a good kid, Tessa." "But a kid is all he is." "You can't rely on him." "He might let you down." "He won't." "What if he does?" "Then I'll still have you." "Like always." "These are insanely good." "I think they fry the onions in hair oil." "Because we're worth it." "I wish I could do that." "You can't?" "No." "I can do like two and then they just die." "I'll teach you." "I'll put it on my new list." "Along with what?" "Too many things." "Spring." "Daffodils and tulips." "A long train journey." "A peacock." "Bed and breakfast." "A joint bank account." "Listening to you snore for years and years." "I don't snore." "Do I snore?" "You will when you get old." "To go to a parents' evening, and our child's a genius." "Actually, all three of our kids." "We're having three?" "Chester, Merlin and Daisy." "God help them." "Being with you." "Being with you." "Being with you." "Just being with you." "So, is the love cure still working its magic?" "You tell me." "I should recommend it to all my patients." "Yes!" "I got a text." "Cal's got a mobile phone." "He's growing up." "Year Five won!" "There was a water fight in the park against Year Seven, and we won!" "Cal, tell Philippa what you've been doing recently." "Oh, yeah." "I'm doing "keep death away" spells." "I've put garlic above all the doors and at the four corners of Tessa's bed." "Which is pretty bloody gross, but I figure..." "What?" "What is it?" "Tessa?" "Where's your father?" "Telling my mum something." "What's he telling her?" "Let's wait for them to join us, shall we?" "It's me that's sick, not them." "How sick, please?" "Your latest blood counts are very low." "Your immune system is in collapse." "The cancer is now everywhere." "How much longer do I have?" "I don't want to be drawn into time scales." "I won't sue you if you're wrong." "My best friend's due in April." "Will I get to meet her baby?" "No." "Adam?" "Is Adam here?" "Oh, no, I'm sorry, darling." "He won't be back till this evening." "That's too late." "Where's he gone?" "He's on the train." "For the Open Day." "Open Day?" "Yeah, at the university." "I was so thrilled when he said he was taking up his place in September." "There were times when I thought we'd be waiting another 12 months." "No one wants to be the oldest kid in the class, do they?" "No." "No one wants that." "Tessa?" "Tessa, are you here?" "Darling?" "No." "You monster." "Do you want to leave me with nothing?" "Is this it?" "The list." "It was here all along." "Why didn't you show me?" "You should've shown me." "Some of these, I could've helped you." "I just wanted to help you." "I couldn't help you." "I can't help you." "I don't want you to go." "I don't want you to go." "I can't bear it." "Take me with you." "Oh, please..." "I don't want you to go." "I don't want you to go." "Oh, baby..." "Oh, you're my baby..." "Jesus, Tess, I've been looking all over." "How long have you been up here?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "You can't be making that walk, right?" "Just come back with me, please." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Because it's gonna be me!" "It's gonna be me that's left behind on my own." "Don't you dare feel sorry for yourself because you get to stay behind." "Don't you fucking dare!" "This is what you wanted." "Come on, I know it." "This is what you wanted." "For me to go on and..." "Oh, please, you've got to know that if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere or do anything." "Except, I don't know, fucking garden." "It's going to happen." "I know." "Soon." "All right?" "So what was it like there?" "Big, lots of buildings." "I got a bit lost." "We'll figure it out." "We will?" "Yeah." "I'm coming back as somebody else." "I'll be the wild-haired girl that walks up to you on day one, and ask what you're studying." "And I'll fall in love with you at first sight." "Again." "Tell me how it will be." "You won't want to eat much from now on." "You'll be thirsty." "And sometimes feverish." "You'll want to sleep a lot." "You'll have little or no energy." "Will it hurt?" "No." "The morphine will make sure you're not in any pain." "It will give you some beautiful dreams." "Hi, there." "I keep thinking I've met your baby." "How is she?" "Gorgeous." "You'll love her." "ls this happening?" "Yeah." "I don't know what's real." "I am." "Do you think I'll be scared?" "I think you've had the worst luck in the world, and if I was in your shoes, I would be scared." "But I also believe that however you handle these last few days will be exactly as it should be done." "I hate it when you say days." "Quite soon you'll start to drift in and out of consciousness." "Sometimes you won't be able to respond, but you'll know people are there, you'll hear them talk." "Thank you for staying with her." "I love her." "And eventually, Tess, you'll just drift away." "Do you have any other questions?" "No." "No." "You're awake." "Just getting an ice lolly." "Why didn't you ring the bell?" "Still looking for a cure?" "Pain relief." "Can I use the computer for a sec?" "Yeah." "Of course." "No, you're good." "Your hair's growing back." "Not quick enough." "What are you showing me here?" "A better site for you." "Jobs." "You've got to start thinking." "Not yet." "You're gonna have a life again." "I never had a life." "I was an accountant." "And now you can do anything." "I'm telling Tessa and Dad, and then everyone else I know." "...because I don't." "Mum fancies Mr. Wilmot." "I do not." "I never said that." "You did, you did." "Mum fancies Mr. Wilmot." "All the mums fancy Mr. Wilmot." "And a few of the dads." "Hey." "How are you feeling?" "Where have you been?" "I have been to a parent-teacher meeting." "You went to that?" "She did." "Yeah." "And it bored the hole off me." "Except for Mr. Wilmot?" "He said I was doing great, so Mum got me this." "You spin it round and it kind of sings." "Yeah, but not in the house, right?" "How come you're up?" "Are you sweating?" "I'll change your sheets for you." "I'll do it." "I can make a bed." "You wouldn't know a hospital corner if it bit you on the arse." "That is not true." "Fine, I'll do it outside." "Come and have a listen, Tess." "It kind of sings." "I'm coming." "Be there in a second." "It's gonna be all right." "Adam!" "Yes, beautiful." "Don't let me fall." "I've got you." "I'm falling." "You're not falling." "You're not falling." "Moments..." "Our life is a series of moments." "Each one a journey to the end." "Let them go." "Let them all go." "You should say goodbye, Cal." "No." "Come on, love, it's important." "It might make her die." "Nothing you say can make her die." "Okay?" "Hey, we're all here, Tessa." "We all love you so much." "You've done so well." "You can go now." "You can go." "Bye, Tess." "Haunt me if you like." "I don't mind." "Our life is a series of moments." "Let them go." "Moments..." "All gathering towards this one."