"Now on "Top Gear"..." "Uh-oh!" "We push three cars to the limit..." "Stripping them down to see which one can take the most punishment." "Oh, geez Louise!" "And the winner drives the fastest Rolls-Royce ever made." "Years ago, everything was simple..." "Especially cars." "If they broke, you could fix them with some tools and a little know-how." "But did that make them more durable?" "Our mission was to find out." ""Top Gear" challenged us to pick three cars that were at least 25 years old and await their delivery to a dry lake bed in the Mojave desert." "This is supposed to be a durability test for the cars, not us." "This is the desert." "This is where they do durability testing." "This is where you come to dump a body." "Yeah, this does feel like a good place to die, but, I mean, if we're here, where... where are the cars?" "Is that them?" "Looks like a Taco truck." "Is it Tuesday?" "Is it Taco Tuesday?" "Yes, it's Taco Tuesday." "You hungry?" "He's always hungry." "Yep, that's ours." "Oh, wow." "Here's fine." "Oh." "Ohh!" "Yep, that's gonna." "Yeah." "Okay." "You know what?" "Those are good there." "Perfect." "Wow." "Poor choice." "Hey, hey." "Understandable, but still a poor choice." "Really?" "And this is what you arrive in?" "I mean, that's..." "Dude, that's the poor choice." "What'd you do..." "Your sister let you use her car?" "I mean, she actually did have one very similar to this." "It was white." "Gentlemen, 1988 Honda Civic LX." "18 million of these sold worldwide." "This is 1.5 liters of reliability fury." "It's the cockroach of the automotive industry, which sounds like a bad thing, but cockroaches have been around for millions of years." "They can take anything." "So can the Civic." "If you're looking for a car that's known worldwide for being a great and unbelievably reliable car, it would be the 1985 Mercedes-Benz 300D TT-turbo diesel." "See, you had me until you got to "turbo,"" "'cause that's gonna be a problem." "What are you talking about?" "It's gonna be a problem for great gas mileage and running forever?" "I mean, these things are called "oil burners" for a reason." "They're so simple." "They are great cars." "I grew up in one." "My dad had one." "It had almost 400,000 miles when it got totaled and broke his heart." "Gentlemen, once again, you have missed the point." "You need something that can endure, something that's tough, something that can conquer, like a 1978 Mail Jeep." "4.2-liter inline-6 100 horsepower, 168 pound-feet of torque," "3-speed torqueflite automatic transmission, rear-and right-hand drive." "Neither rain, nor sleet, nor nagging backache is gonna keep this courier from his appointed rounds." "I can tell it was made for him because it's already hit me and you weren't even in it." "Which means you two should stay the hell out of my way." "So, what are we doing with them?" "I'll tell you." ""To see which of your cars can take the most punishment," ""you will compete in a series of challenges" ""in which you'll remove or destroy pieces of them and see how well they continue to function."" "Hmm." ""The first person to reach civilization, 80 miles away, will get to drive the new Rolls-Royce Wraith."" "Ooh." "Hello." ""Your first challenge is to remove your fan belt and race to the edge of the lake bed."" "And the fan belt is what moves the fan that actually cools the radiator, so if you don't have that, the cars will overheat and eventually..." "That is gonna suck for the two of you." "Why?" "You don't have a fan belt." "That's got an electric fan." "That is correct." "Well, I mean, this is..." "This is "the cockroach," right?" "So you got to remove something." "Take off the alternator belt." "It says "fan belt." Alternator belt?" "You got an alternator belt." "Take that off." "I'm not gonna take..." "There's a..." "Fine." "I'll take the alternator." "It's not that far." "Stuck in the middle of the desert with no tools, i could only think of one guy who might be able to help." "Hey, Adam." "Yeah?" "You got a knife?" "He's from New York." "Of course he has a knife." "What makes you think I have a knife." "Let me get your knife?" "How many miles?" "Somewhere over 200,000." "You know, it says right in front of you on the dash." "What are you ...ln a fight club?" "I'd like to think about the spirit of the car first." "It was a clean kill." "Yes." "Good luck, gents." "With no alternator belt," "Tanner would have to conserve his battery power carefully..." "Here it is." "Whereas Rut and I, without fan belts, needed to take it easy to keep our cars from overheating, which would not be easy." "We were in the middle of a desert, and at 10:00 A.M., it was already over 90 degrees." "Let's hurry up and race already." "Rut, you ready?" "Let's roll!" "On the count of "go."" "Adam, that's easily the worst vehicle you've ever chosen for anything on this show." "Would you stop it?" "This is the toughest vehicle here, my friend, and I will soon prove that to you." "Are you ready?" "In 3...2...1..." "Go!" "Come on." "Ha!" "Oh, the Civic's off to an early lead!" "Oh, I'm getting beat by a Civic?" "Come on." "Adam's gone." "It's not very fast." "It's loud..." "And tremendously unsafe." "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Despite all the bumps," "Rut and I were leaving the mailman for dead." "Good, dude." "And I was kicking up a desert storm to keep the bearded one behind me." "Oh, what a jerk this guy is." "Full throttle." "This is all she's got." "Ohh!" "Ha ha!" "Come on, baby!" "Go, go, go!" "Ooh..." "Aw, this guy." "What a jerk!" "As I chased down Tanner, Adam's Mail Jeep was proving unfit to carry anything fragile." "Oh, my!" "Oh, my!" "Okay." "Hang on, baby!" "As we reached the edge of the lake bed, my little Honda had notched up its first victory..." "I got 'em both beat!" "And was already showing its durability, while Adam's jeep was getting a little jumpy." "Did you see that?" "That was dumb." "Despite the desert heat and their age, our simple cars had held up after the first challenge, and we set off to see what other punishment they could take at an abandoned water park 20 miles away." "You know what's funny is these older cars..." "You know, we ought to be able to mess with them pretty good and have them keep running, but with all the computers and stuff that's on new cars, you could never do that to them." "That's the nice thing about this jeep..." "There's nothing electronic on it and nothing it has works." "So, it doesn't really matter." "So, you guys starting to overheat or what?" "Yeah, I'm starting to get a little warm back here in the jeep." "I just need to keep fresh air to the radiator." "I'll be fine." "Since neither Adam's nor Rut's car seemed to be suffering, i decided to help them warm up a little." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hold up." "Hold up." "Why are you stopping?" "What's the matter?" "Ahh." "I thought I saw a snake." "It crossed the road." "This is how you overheat a car... starting and stopping." "Okay, my bad." "Let's go." "False alarm." "Rut, if he sees another snake, drive right over him." "Whoa, whoa." "Hey, there." "Oh..." "Okay." "Hey, why do you keep stopping, dude?" "The car's gonna overheat." "Oh, is it overheating?" "Yeah, it's real funny..." "Real funny, buddy." "I get it." "You have an electric fan." "You're awesome." "You're a filthy little man." "You know what you're gonna see?" "You're gonna see a Mail Jeep filling up your rearview mirror if you do that again." "What an idiot." "With the fear of mail being delivered up my rear, we hit the highway and continued on to the water park." "Oh, this thing is so much happier on the highway." "Wow." "This thing's all over the place." "This doesn't need a steering wheel... it needs a rudder." "Wow, man, this just reminds me of high school..." "How nimble this thing is..." "Double-wishbone suspension, probably one of the best little front-wheel-drive chassis ever made." "Despite minor adjustments to our cars, we soon arrived at the abandoned water park in good health." "We took in the sights, from a once-busy sunbathing area to a dry, but still quite lazy, river." "Wow." "Creeperton, huh?" "Well, how's the car running?" "Good..." "little warm, but not bad." "Yeah, it's kind of hot in there, but still fighting." "Well, I'm obviously still running, so that's plenty of juice here." "What are we doing here?" "What are we doing here?" "Let's see." ""These days, cars have a lot of things" ""that make them better to drive, but are not essential." ""To see which of your cars" ""can best survive without these comforts," ""you will now lose your power steering" ""and compete in a slalom course." "Fastest time wins."" "No sweat." "No sweat?" "Yeah, it's got skinny, little tires." "I don't even think it had power steering until, like, early '80s." "You're dead." "You're driving a tank." "Well, yeah, it's big, but have you seen how big the steering wheel is?" "And I'm..." "I don't know if you remember..." "It's rear-wheel drive, so I'll just slide it around." "Yeah, he's gonna just slide it around." "Gentlemen, behold..." "No power steering." "Ohh, it doesn't have power steering." "Simple, tough, better." "How exactly do I get rid of the power steering on this?" "What do you think's the best way?" "Well, we could either remove the belt, or you could just cut the line." "Yeah." "Thanks." "We'll just cut the line." "But, you know, I mean, we have to do something to the jeep." "It doesn't have power steering." "What are you gonna do?" "Really?" "Really?" "Coming up, Adam takes a challenge head on." "Ohh, a tree!" "We were testing the durability of our cars traveling through the mojave desert." "Rut and Adam had lost their fan belts..." "There it is." "While I had lost my alternator belt, but had won the first challenge." "I got 'em both beat!" "Our second challenge was a race in an abandoned water park, but first, we had to lose our power steering." "It doesn't have power steering." "What are you gonna do?" "Really?" "Really?" "Well, they are locking pliers, so they should be locked in place." "Give it a wiggle." "You're standing too close to say that to me." "Look at that." "It sort of works." "Go on." "Get out of here." "Yeah." "Good luck." "I love that door." "This is gonna suck." "I got to be honest with you..." "This is gonna suck." "We've seen Adam drive poorly with a steering wheel." "With nothing to hit." "And now we got everything to hit, and we're gonna drive through a river." "I'm right here." "I can hear you." "Are you sure?" "Hey." "Don't forget..." "Drive to live." "Live to drive." "But, seriously, drive to live." "Close that door and hammer down." "It's gonna be great." "Ahh, here we go." "3...2...1..." "Don't die!" "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "Here we go." "Oh, holy cow, this is gonna be great." "Ohh!" "You're kidding." "Pole!" "Watch out for the pole!" "Oh!" "He can't turn." "Ah." "I'm not gonna make that turn." "Ohh..." "He just..." "He just took a tree down." "Sorry." "There we go." "That is..." "Oh, that's awesome." "Oh, the bridge!" "Am I gonna fit?" "Am I gonna fit?" "Get that mattress out of my way!" "Aah!" "Did you hear that?" "Gonna have one big right arm like a Fiddler crab when this is over." "Get in there." "Okay." "There he is." "He's over here." "Stop the car." "It's like a tonka toy." "Not a scratch on the thing." "You took down a tree!" "See that?" "And you're alive." "Yeah." "So it should feel like a victory." "What's my time?" "1:43." "Ha-ha!" "Is that good?" "I think you could run it faster than that on foot, but you wouldn't hit a tree on foot, so..." "Okay." "Well, why don't you go next?" "Gladly." "Save the planet." "Are you ready?" "I'm read let's do it." "3...2...1..." "Go!" "Oh, gosh." "Oh, that is a lot of effort right there." "Little puff of black smoke..." "That's when you know he's going fast." "Yeah." "Oh, I'm not gonna make..." "Am I gonna make it?" "Oh!" "I made it!" "I made it!" "Going down into lazy river." "Wait for it." "Oh, that is really tight." "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Boy, no power steering is really, really serious." "Oh, geez." "That didn't sound good." "Stop." "Oh!" "Now he's in reverse." "He missed his turn." "Oh, God." "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Here he comes." "Oh, it just looks heavy." "Oh, my God." "Stop." "Good lord." "Oh, holy crap." "I can't feel my arms." "What got into you?" "Wow." "One little steering pump." "I mean, the thing's suddenly undrivable." "It's, like, pretty sensitive." "What are you talking about?" "What was my time?" "52 seconds." "Indestructible." "I hit a tree, and nothing happened." "I don't need power steering." "I don't need a fan belt." "I don't need anything." "You need to lay down, don't you?" "I could probably use a water." "I'll show you how it's done here." "Go ahead." "With Rut beating Adam with a time of 52 seconds, it was down to my sister's little Honda to sink their dreams of a win." "Okay, it's a little tighter." "I'm not gonna lie..." "It's a little tighter than I expected." "All right, are you ready?" "Yeah, try not to choke on the insane tire smoke from this launch." "All right, we'll try." "3...2...1..." "Go!" "Little bit anticlimactic." "Who knew it could spin the tires?" "Whoa, my gosh!" "Go, girl, go!" "Oh!" "There he goes." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Ohh, that's a tight fit." "Ohh..." "Just barely made it through there." "Where's the style points, you know?" "This is not a relaxing river!" "The thing hardly weighs anything." "There he goes." "This is unfair." "Hold on." "Here he comes." "It's way tighter than I thought it would be." "We were on a journey back to civilization to find out which of our cars was most durable." "The winner would get the keys to a Rolls-Royce wraith." "Our second challenge was a race through an abandoned water park without our power steering." "Adam had hit a tree..." "While Rut had bounced his way through the lazy river..." "Okay." "Oh, geez!" "And now it was my turn." "It's way tighter than I thought it would be." "Ohh..." "Oh!" "Come on, come on, come on!" "He just punted that thing." "There's the line!" "Whoo-hoo!" "That's good there." "That was awesome." "Wow." "Yeah!" "What happened?" "That's what I'm talking about." "Look at that thing... it's cherry." "That's cherry?" "My fault..." "That was not the car's fault." "The car was great." "I went a little wide on the back straightaway there in the..." "You went a little wide, and you almost lost your bumper." "How fast was it?" "41 seconds." "What?" "!" "Yeah." "Wow." "That's demoralizing." "For who?" "For you." "Ohh." "Okay, let's get out of here." "My Honda, which already had two victories, was showing what a tough, little thing she was." "Yeah, cruising down the road, I mean," "I don't even notice the lack of power steering or the alternator so far." "Do you notice the lack of bumper?" "Yeah, you know what comes after the bumper back there, right?" "What?" "The fuel tank." "Come on!" "That Mercedes is on its last leg." "It's starting to sound funny, starting to smoke more." "That jeep was on its last leg when it was new." "The fact that it doesn't get dented when he runs over a tree is just flat-out impressive." "Yeah, or we could use the word "durable."" "There was no doubt my jeep was durable, but Rut's German tank was beginning to heat up." "Hey, Rut, do you have a fire in your passenger seat?" "Dude, I can see it from up here." "Yeah, let's pull over right here." "Rut's got to pit." "Oh, she's hot, man." "That's not normally a good sound." "I got it." "I got it." "I don't want you to..." "Don't want you to burn yourself on a real man's car here." "Okay." "Go under there." "We got a gusher." "It looks like I have punched a hole in my radiator." "So..." "I'm gonna go make a friend." "Yeah, don't touch it." "Just let it cool down." "I just need a minute." "What's he doing?" "Geez, this thing just needs to die." "Yeah, normally, it would be dead, but it's his car so God knows what he's gonna come up with now." "Oh, good." "Friendly people out here..." "I tell you what." "Did you just go lay some eggs?" "No, I went and knocked on the door, asked if I can borrow an egg." "You just figured while it's on..." "You'll cook something, while it's this hot?" "No, I know what he's doing." "Yeah, you know that old trick?" "When you get a hole in your radiator, what you do is you crack an egg, put it in there, and the egg will basically fill up the hole." "It's an old wives' tale." "Oh, look at that, huh?" "That's beautiful." "It was hungry for breakfast." "There's no way that's working." "No, it's gonna find its way through the system." "It'll push out when it finds a hole." "Trust me." "Watch out." "It's a Mercedes 300d, and the "d" stands for "Denny's."" "With Rut cooking up breakfast and our cars pretty much holding out..." "Whoa, do you guys see all the volkswagens over there?" "We slid on into the next location." "Just when you think it can't get any weirder than a closed-down water park, we come to a volkswagen graveyard." "With some class, though..." "Coupe de ville." "Look at all these air-cooleds." "Ooh, look at that pry bar." "What are we doing?" ""Quantity sometimes gets mistaken for quality." ""To see which of your cars can get by with the least," ""you will now remove everything unnecessary from your cars" ""and compete in a barrel race." "Fastest time wins."" "My car's so lightweight, there's hardly anything to come off, really." "For a barrel race, you're trying to go fast." "You want it to be lighter." "So..." "let's start from the ground up." "Ooh, I call the hammer." "I'm gonna take the pry bar." "Sawzall and a grinder." "And I get one power tool." "All right, I'll take this one." "Let's go find a little workspace." "We'll just spread out, and then we'll be fine." "Hey!" "What?" "You're gonna scratch this thing." "It's practically a classic." "Let's go." "Hey!" "Sorry." "Hey." "Well, let me fix your..." "Oh, you got..." "Hey!" "We got work to do, you morons." "There was a mosquito on there." "Let's go." "Watch out." "There she goes." "Do you need help with that?" "No, no." "I got it." "I'll get that part." "Oh, you're gonna help me with that?" "Thanks." "Oh, my God." "All right." "Hey, hey." "Hey, I thought you were helping me." "We set about the painful business of dismantling our cars, bit by bit..." "My jeep doesn't need a roof!" "He's completely lost it." "Transforming them into lightweight machines." "Adam was up first, but we gave him his steering wheel back so he wouldn't hurt himself." "We didn't need to give him the steering wheel back." "It was dangerous to him, to me, to people that aren't even in this state." "It made him safer, actually." "The course would consist of three barrels spaced in a triangle." "We race around each one, and whoever completed a lap quickest would win." "Let's go." "Let 'er rip, Mr. fancy goggles." "Do you need some help starting that thing?" "Did you remove the starter by accident?" "You can't see the key with the goggles on?" "You what I should have kept on was the door so I could close it right about now." "Oh, it lives!" "All right, captain insano, you ready?" "Let's do it!" "Here we go." "In 3...2...1..." "Go!" "There we go!" "It barely runs." "Okay, baby, here we go." "We're coming in... brake." "First barrel... throw it around." "Oh!" "Careful, buddy." "Oh!" "Ohh." "Killed it." "Well, there's that." "It lives again!" "Oh!" "Spitting some dust." "Okay, now we're back online." "You're doing a great job, sweetheart." "Oh, oh, opposite side..." "Here it is." "Careful coming in here." "Coming around." "Good girl!" "That's right..." "I know you're hurting." "We're almost home." "Oh, that hurts." "That hurts." "Oh." "Oh, gosh." "Right to the finish." "Oh, he's coming right at us." "Wow, the steering's worse with the steering wheel." "And he sucks!" "Brakes?" "Uh-oh!" "Ohh!" "Tanner loses it." "And later... just one of us gets to drive the ultimate in luxury." "We were competing to see who had chosen the most durable car." "As we stripped them down, we were making our way from the desert back to civilization." "Tanner had won two challenges and we were now in a barrel race." "Adam was up first and living up to his reputation." "Brakes?" "Uh-oh!" "Huh?" "Huh?" "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "The brakes aren't fading, they're dissolving..." "How did you not flip that over?" "Yeah, it was kind of sketchy." "What was my time?" "47 seconds." "You're next." "Okay." "That thing's not simple." "No." "It's not tough." "It's not durable." "He took all the weight out of it, and the damn thing still looks heavy." "Ready?" "Uh, in 3...2...1..." "Go!" "There he goes." "Oh, boy." "First barrel." "Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh!" "Whoa, oh!" "Man, he's pogoing everywhere." "Oh, should have kept the shocks, maybe." "Wow." "Oh, geez Louise!" "Sounds like I'm falling down a flight of stairs." "Ohh." "There he goes." "He's digging Ruts." "I'm gonna get stuck over there." "Get it..." "Rut's digging Ruts?" "Got it." "Okay." "And I can't see where the finish line is." "Hello." "Watch out!" "Watch out!" "Oh, he's coming..." "It's that way!" "It's that way!" "Got it." "Let me guess..." "You're lost in the dust and you can't see where to go?" "I can't see anything!" "Ugh." "What was my time?" "46.43." "Half a second faster than Adam." "That's it?" "I was flying." "You were flying up and down." "You're gonna lose." "This thing's rear-wheel drive." "I slung it around every turn." "You don't have a chance." "With a time to beat of 46 seconds, my new lightweight Honda was looking to dust these two." "You look like a veal cutlet." "I feel like I've been antiqued." "Cool goggles." "Thanks." "Are you ready?" "Let's go, bug boy." "In 3...2...1..." "Go!" "Hey, look." "It was like a magic trick..." "He just disappeared." "Whoa, God!" "Whoa!" "I can't see a thing." "Oh, that's a harsh rut." "One more barrel." "Oh!" "It's just digging." "Some things had to drop." "I lost the wheel." "There he goes." "Oh, this is so awesome." "Hey." "That's enough." "You're done." "Yeah." "You're done." "Let it go." "Damn it!" "What an idiot." "You ripped that complete hub assembly off." "Do you think maybe you cut out so much strength out of the back that when you were slamming this thing around, trying to be Mr. captain rally, that that might have been why that hub ripped off?" "Look, if I can just get a tow out of here." "Ohh." "I hope you find somebody." "Good luck, 'cause my car still works." "Does yours?" "Yeah." "Yeah, we're out." "You'll be good." "See ya." "Safe trip, dusty." "Rut and I left dusty and the three-wheeled Honda behind and hit the open road." "Oh, hey, what's up?" "I couldn't do this before, you know?" "I couldn't do this." "Hey, Rut, how's it going up there?" "You saw how much stuff I ripped off this Mercedes, and it still runs like a dream." "This thing's unstoppable." "This thing is just gonna keep going." "You can't kill this." "Do you know how tough this is?" "I can't even kill it." "Incredibly, my Mercedes wasn't overheating, and the mail truck was indestructible." "We continued on our way to our final challenge..." "This time, without Tanner." "You know what?" "Tanner has left me to die in a desert many times, but I still feel bad about leaving him there." "Okay, it just went away." "Tanner has left both of us so many times, eventually, we were gonna have to leave him." "Hey, Adam, is your car all right?" "It's making a terrible noise." "I thought that was you." "Oh my God!" "We were searching for the most durable cars and racing them back to civilization, stripping them down to their barest essentials, but Tanner had removed one too many screws, and we left him behind..." "Or so we thought." "Oh my God!" "Holy crap!" "Tanner, where did you come from?" "Where's the rest of your car?" "I think maybe you might have taken too much off this time." "You are a beautiful moron." "That is ridiculous." "This is a proud moment right here." "The tiny dancer and his even tinier Honda back with us, we reached the location of our final challenge." "All right, let's bring it in." "What is he doing?" "Whoa, there." "What... did you do?" "Whew!" "This is, like, efficiency with wheels." "You know what this proves?" "Half a Honda is durable." "Yeah, imagine if it was a whole Honda." "Oh, personal lubricant." "That's weird." "Maple syrup." "I think it's lard." "Oh, good." "What are we doing?" ""The engine is the heart of any car." ""To see which of your cars is ultimately the toughest," ""you will drain the oil and replace it with one of the items on the table."" "I'll take the personal lubricant." "Of course you will." "Shocker." "I'll take the syrup." "Shocker again." "All right, I'll take the lard." "Guess what..." "Maple syrup is the same viscosity as a 30-weight oil." "How do you know that?" "I'm a nerd." "That's how he knows." "That is the darkest, dirtiest, nastiest oil I've ever seen." "This lube is gonna be an improvement." "This thing's gonna run forever." "Ohh." "I dropped my nut in the pan." "Oh, rookie." "Wait a second, you guys." "This is not maple syrup..." "This is maple-flavored syrup." "Oh, it's not gonna work." "Does that mean its not 30 viscosity?" "Well, is your diesel pre-diabetic?" "I will say, for the first time ever, that's too much lube." "Gentlemen, this..." "Oh, come on!" "Sorry." "This is gonna tell the tale." "It's all or nothing." "This is a race to the death..." "Winner take all." "Agreed?" "Agreed." "Aunt jemima, agreed?" "I'm in." "With the lifeblood replaced in our engines, i had faith that my half a Honda would triumph in the winner-takes-all challenge." "I mean, got maple syrup over there, and I got lard man so..." "Shouldn't be too much of a problem." "I really want to drive the Rolls-Royce wraith." "I'm not a rich man." "I don't have the money to drive it." "So I have to do this." "I have to drive a jeep filled with lard." "Here we go." "This was it." "We were down to the last 10 miles." "We'd soon find out who could get to the finish line first or who could get there at all." "Oh, look at that." "The syrup's doing great." "Oh, it smells good, too." "I mean, we just drained the oil, which means each of these engines still have a little bit of oil left on the inside." "The question is, how are these three different things gonna mix with all of that?" "Tanner's car is gonna blow up fast, because that personal lubricant is water-based, and the last thing you want to put inside the engine is anything with water in it." "Now, if Adam put enough lard in there, that thing might be fine." "It's starting to smell like bread." "I'm not worried about Tanner's personal lubricant..." "I'm worried about him catching on fire." "Adam had every right to be concerned as the lube in my engine began to dry out." "Oh, wow." "Tanner's car is starting to smoke." "And it's smoking." "I think you're running out of lube!" "Come on, baby!" "With 5 miles left to go, it seemed like Tanner was on his last leg, but I was having problems of my own..." "Oh, it looks like my engine is spitting stuff out." "This does not look good." "Leaving Adam and his lard poised to take the lead from my bunny-hopping Mercedes." "Come on, you can do it!" "But, soon," "Adam's jeep was beginning to choke on its own lard." "That's not good." "Come on!" "Tanner's Honda was showing amazing resilience." "Or not." "Whoa!" "Coming up, the winner of the most durable car takes the Rolls-Royce wraith for a spin." "Having made it nearly all the way to the finish line in our final, winner-take-all challenge, it looked like we had our first casualty." "Whoa!" "Ha ha!" "Tanner's out!" "And wouldn't you know it?" "So was my benz..." "Come on." "Ha-ha!" "Why don't you shut up?" "Leaving Tanner and I stranded and Adam the last man standing." "Yes!" "Civilization!" "Hello, Rolls-Royce!" "Yes!" "I love lard!" "Yes, lard wins!" "Well, that maple-syrup thing didn't work." "How do?" "You know what this is?" "These are the keys to the new Rolls-Royce wraith, and I get to drive it." "Sounds like you're having a barbecue up here." "It looks like the syrup might have clogged that oil-return line to the turbo and..." "A long, sad story, but it ends with what I told you at the very beginning, gentlemen..." "The jeep is the most durable vehicle here." "And I get to drive the Rolls-Royce wraith." "Much like my indestructible jeep, but at a slightly higher price, rolls-royces have stood the test of time, with over 70% of them still running today." "Sir Henry royce himself once said," ""the quality will remain long after the price is forgotten."" "Would Rolls-Royce's new offering continue this tradition and make me forget the $365,000 price tag?" "The 2014 wraith is stunning..." "High beltline, long hood, low roof." "They even tilted thhood ornament 5 degrees forward to make it look more aggressive." "And then there's the doors." "They call these coach doors." "Now, if you grew up in the colonies like I did, this was a suicide door." "Ladies, Scottish men, please be careful getting out." "What if it's raining?" "Titanium umbrellas in the fenders." "And don't lose this." "It's over $1,000 to replace it." "And the interior is packed with elegant, hand-crafted details that will impress even the most sophisticated car lover." "Look at these keys." "They're modeled after the tuning pegs on a violin." "This is the starlight headliner." "I know... it sounds like a cheap malt liquor." "These fiberoptics actually form the star pattern on the night that BMW bought Rolls-Royce." "And you can order this from the factory with any night sky you want." "The date I would pick would be January 12, 1969 'cause that's the last time the jets won a super bowl." "All the wood grain is angled at exactly 55 degrees." "And you know the reason for that?" "According to Rolls-Royce, to make the occupants feel like an arrow set within a bow, waiting to be fired." "Is it overengineered?" "Yeah, exquisitely so." "But the wraith goes one step further, now adding speed to its bevy." "This is the fastest Rolls-Royce ever built..." "Zero to 60 in 4.4 seconds." "It has a 6.6-liter twin-turbo v-12 that kicks out a staggering 624 horsepower." "In short, this thing kicks ass." "Now let's get her out on the road." "I'll get the door." "Oh, she is graceful..." "No doubt, a Rolls-Royce." "She is to the manor born, but as soon as you give it a little gas, you're like, "yeah, she's the problem child, and I like it."" "Look at that..." "A Mercedes s-class." "Oh, you're adorable." "While Rolls-Royce has long been the choice of old money, the wraith is aimed at a younger generation, who expect exceptional power along with their monogrammed headrests." "Let's be honest..." "The fastest Rolls-Royce ever made is like being the smartest Kardashian." "But how do you not test it out?" "Let's see what the big girl can do." "Ooh, big girl wants to run." "A Rolls-Royce burnout!" "Yeah!" "70!" "105!" "And bring it down." "I don't know anyone else that's done a burnout in a Rolls-Royce." "Then again, I don't know anyone with a Rolls-Royce." "Okay, the wraith just proved its street cred when it comes to speed." "But that's not what this car is about." "Rolls-Royce themselves never even said this was a sports coupe..." "They said this was a car where the sense of arrival and joy of the journey is as important as the canvas upon which it is drawn." "This car just feels superior." "You can imagine winding your way through vineyards, ignoring the cries of the common man, basking in the full Rolls-Royce experience..." "But from the back." "So I arranged for a chauffeur and told him to meet me in the hills of Malibu." "Right here, driver." "Ah." "Ohh." "You're kidding." "What the hell are you doing?" "I'm here to drive." "This is your day job?" "Yeah." "All right, let's get one thing straight..." "You work for me today." "Whatever." "Okay." "Let's do this." "Let's do what?" "I'm here to drive." "I'm here to ride." "Are you forgetting something." "Taking this a little too seriously." "It's tough to get good help." "Can I get your door, sir?" "Thank you." "You're comfortable?" "Yes, I am." "That's good." "Perhaps a little more air." "Stop." "Really?" "This is truly luxury, my friend." "It's really soft and boring." "But you know what the car doesn't have?" "A piece of glass that I can put up so I don't have to hear you bitching." "Hey, you know where we are, don't you?" "Yeah..." "No." "No." "We were on a twisting stretch of Mulholland drive, the perfect testing ground for any car with something to prove." "With 32 turns in just under 2 miles, it's known as the snake." "Oh, come on!" "It's a Rolls-Royce, you animal!" "Now we're talking." "Hey, don't do that." "Don't, don't, don't." "Come on." "She's a lady." "Oh, you're gonna make me throw up in a Rolls-Royce." "That's just rude." "This is why we don't have nice things." "What impresses me about this car is Rolls-Royce didn't commit to one idea..." "They blended two ideas perfectly." "And in doing so, they created something so unique that, once experienced, your whole perspective on driving may never quite be the same again."