"Mmmm..." "Show balls." "Later, guy." "Haven't seen you on here before." "Can we see your legs?" "Not much to see." "Ah, fuck..." "Oh, shit." "Fuck me..." "I'm gonna cum, guys." "Ah!" "Are you ready for your five minutes?" "I guess by now it's clear I have a major problem." "I have a serious crush." "And I know I've said that a million times before on here, but this time it's different." "This time, it feels..." "profound." "If only my rhetorical talents extended beyond my fingertips, maybe I could actually talk to the boy in question, but, ay, there's the rub." "For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil?" "Hamlet." "Senior year, high school." "Oh!" "He is a stripper, by the way." "Or dancer, of the go-go variety." "I actually saw him again tonight, flaunting himself down Avenue A." "And if I weren't so drunk, and such a pussy, then I would have stopped him and asked him," ""What is the difference between a dancer and a stripper?"" "Here, let me show you what all the fuss is about." "Check out that epic ass?" "Corn-fed." "I'd bet money on it, If I had any money." "Here I am recording this for posterities sake, because God knows that my chances of remembering this tomorrow morning are nil." "Now you are probably saying, please no drunk posting." "You've already exposed yourself to the world." "Isn't that enough for one night?" "And to that I say, No, God dammit." "I am a near college graduate, so I do as I please." "Goodnight, fuckers." "Now this, I will definitely regret." "Dear Mr. Go," "You're gonna think I'm completely insane, and you might be right." "I am a recent college graduate interested in the field of documentary filmmaking." "I've been researching a theoretical idea for a documentary on the New York City nightlife scene." "I would really love to meet with you in my search for a subject/muse." "Uh..." "Muse is too sexual." "Um..." "Fuck it." "Yours truly, Doc." "First of all..." "I should've listened to you guys/me, and never drunk-posted." "But seriously, you need to see what" ""Jim from Chelsea" has to say." "Go-go, schmo-go." "Stripper, dripper." "As long as you post a video of you fucking said corn-fed ass, who cares what you call him." "Better yet, invite me along and I'll slam my grandpa sausage into both your bums." "Really?" "Your grandpa sausage?" "And that's just one of these." "You guys sure have plenty that you're willing to say anonymously." "It's a really supportive, positive community we have here." "Now let me document my imminent escape from this shitty city that we call New York." "Three weeks from today this will no longer be my humble abode." "Post-graduate academia has called me forth to the wilds of fair Iowa." "Go-go God NYC..." "What the fuck?" "Sounds fun." "Come by my gig tonight." "I'll put you on the list." "Yours truly, Go." "Oh, my God, what did I write?" "...interested in documentary filmmaking" "No, I did not!" "I'd really love to meet you in my search for a muse." "Fuck!" "Assimilation must be the goal of the queer community if true equality is ever to be won." "At least that's what I plan to argue in my POLYSCI 323 final." "I'm not a hermit, as my friends would probably have you believe." "My problem is obsession." "I am obsessive." "And the internet just makes it so easy, doesn't it?" "Forgot to tell you where." "Address is below." "And my digits if you need to get me." "Go." "Just fucking do it." "Hi." "I think I'm on the list." "There, that's me." "Hey, could I get a whisky and soda?" "Thanks." "Jesus fucking Christ." "Just go talk to the fucker." "Oh, shit." "Sorry." "Umm, I didn't realize..." "I didn't realize you were in here." "It's cool, I'm done." "Nice hat." "Thank you." "My mom..." "Thank you, thanks." "Further proof that I am a useless idiot." "And holy shit, he is way hotter in person." "OK, this was crazy." "Not a good idea at all." "I'm a complete fucking idiot for ever thinking that it was." "I'm getting out of here, but for posterity's sake, let's all agree that I gave it my best shot?" "Thanks." "Waited 4 you bi the bar - with the number 4 and by spelled bi." "Sorry I missed U " "Followed by a winking smiley face emoticon." "Oh, shit." " Doc." " Go." " Bathroom crasher?" " Hi." "What's up?" "Uh, nothing much." "How are you?" "Good." "So..." "Is that the camera that you're using?" "Oh, my phone?" "No I'll get a real one." "This is just for prelim research." "So, it's pretty crazy in there." "Where do you usually hang out?" "Besides my bedroom and lecture halls, nowhere." "Well, there's a dive bar that my friends and I go to sometimes to get hammered... $2 cans 'til 10." "That's sounds pretty awesome." "I guess you'd think after four years in the city," "I would've been to a gay bar, but..." " Oh, are you straight?" " No, not straight." "Just not "GAY," you know, I don't really know the scene." "What's that thing?" "It's like a stand, so I can get us both in the shot." "Could you just back up a little bit?" "Yeah, like to, where that piece of trash is." "Yep." "OK, well, hopefully this works." " So, you're in film school?" " No" "I thought you said you just graduated?" "No, I haven't..." "I haven't quite graduated yet." "Not for three weeks, and not film school." "I'm just more into movies and stuff." "I'm really more of a writer." " Cool." " Yeah." "So, uh..." "What's this project about?" "Uh, well, it's still in its infancy right now." "I'm kind of just sussing out the direction that I want to take it." "I thought you said it was about go-go dancing?" "Yeah, potentially." "I don't know if you want your image attached to something - your long-lost family out in the Midwest knowing what you do here." " California." " OK, California." "I don't know if you want them knowing what you do here to get by." "So if you can't, then it's" "It's OK..." "Count me in." "Um..." "Wow." "Would you mind just saying that again?" "Yeah, I don't mean to be presumptuous." "but time is, time was, you know?" "Sure." "All right, let me audition for you." "No, it's OK." "You don't have" "I'm not usually a stripper." "I usually start with my clothes off, but..." "No, you, you..." "Uh..." "Give me your hand." "Really, it's OK." "Wow, that's great." "I think I have seen enough." "I'd would love to use you as the subject of my movie." "Yes!" "I've always wanted my own personal Andy Warhol." "You mean the soup can guy?" "How old are you?" "Of course, Pittsburgh." "I went there on a field trip when I was a kid." "So, when do we start?" "I think we just did." "Cute dog, man." "Thank you." "So, is this thing gonna be in film festivals or what?" "Probably not." "I think they go for edgier stuff." "I don't know, it's the age of overexposure, narcissism." "Everyone's just kind of looking for their" "For their 15 minutes, I get it." "Well, I'm not gonna be killing myself, but I think pretty much everything else is on the table." "Guess what, friends..." "I think I just found my Executive Producer." "All dressed up, and a whole world of places to go." "All my love, Grandma." "Thanks, Grandma, for keepin' it old school." "Hey!" "Better not fuck it up." "Oh, please." "You borrowed my Nano freshman year;" "I haven't seen that thing since." "What are you doing?" "Oh, um, I just thought I should capture this part of my life." " All right, I get it." " Thanks." "Don't lose the lens cap, please." "Thanks, and good luck on your six finals!" "Ha, ha, ha." "Don't rub it in!" "Don't fuck it up." "I'm not going to commencement stag." "Have fun with your porno." "The great work begins." "Hello..." "Go?" "Is that OK?" "Can I call you Go?" "Go's cool." "Hey, I got a question." "An actor friend of mine said I should ask if there's any money in this for me?" "Oh, um..." "Uh..." "Well, cash is pretty tight right now, but, um..." "I don't know." "I hadn't really thought of that." "This is kind of more of an experiment for me." "Well, my friend said, you know, what if this thing blows up and gets, like, really popular and sells for, like, a million dollars?" "No, yeah, I know what you mean." "Uh, well, I could..." "split any profits...with you?" "I could cut you a percentage, like, maybe three percent or something." "We could do a contract and everything." "That doesn't seem like very much." "Well, it's just, I..." "just bought all the supplies and I'll be doing all of the producing and directing and shooting." "I could..." "pay for your food... while we're shooting, and buy you metro cards so you don't have to pay for anything." "OK, yeah, I get it." "Let me talk to my friend and get back to you, cool?" " Yeah, OK, cool." " Right, catch ya." "This could just be infatuation" "Could last a day or a year" "I know the danger in rejection" "And from my mind you appear" "And now I have one final question" "Where is the place I'd die to be?" "Here with you..." "Hola, followers." "I've been waiting on pins and needles." "Is that the saying?" "Pins and needles?" "For some reason that sounds ridiculous to me right now." "Anyways, I've been patiently awaiting Go's response, about his decision." "And I just got this text." "What's up, Doc?" "Come to the club tonight." "Before one." "Got some news." "Slightly cryptic, but let's see what Mr. Go has to say." "Hey, what's up?" "So, I'm glad you came." "I really wanted to do this in person." "No problem." "So, I talked with my friend..." "If you give me five percent, I'll do it." "Dude, that's great!" " Yeah?" " Totally." "Fuck, that was too easy!" "I should've asked for seven." "He's about half an hour late." "So I guess he's on go-go boy time." " What's up?" " Go!" " How are you?" " Good." " Did I scare you?" " Kinda." " Sorry I'm late." " It's OK." "You been here a long time?" "Um, no." "Just a few minutes." "All right, good." " All right." " All right." "You ready to think about yourself?" "As little as possible." "Sure." "Go for it." "Let's start with a basic and easy one." "Where did your history with go-go dancing begin?" "When I first moved here, was, like, four or five years ago, to New York, and..." "I started dancing at a strip club, because I wasn't making enough money at the other jobs I had." "But that only lasted about two months because it was, kind of like, not a super, safe environment." "I just knew, like, all right, this was a bad place to be, so I stopped dancing completely." "And then I got fired from my other two jobs that I had." "I had a really good job." "I was working as a makeup artist for, like, two years." "I got fired for, uh..." "Well, whatever." "So basically, I went to this other club and they kept asking me to work there, to dance there." "And I finally was like, sure, whatever," "I have nothing else going on." "So I did that, and I just started getting asked to do other gigs all over the city." "So, yeah, I was like, sure, it's fun, it's easy." "I get to hang out with people." "I'm actually kind of anti-social so it forced me to come out of my house and, like, interact with people." "So it was good." "What is the relationship between a go-go guy and his audience?" "Talking to someone or being genuine with them." "Giving them some sort of personal expression from yourself, a wink or a smile, or a handshake or a hug, or a teabag or whatever." "You know what I mean?" "I think it makes people feel good." "Because obviously if they are putting some of, like, emotional need towards you and you respond to that, that makes them feel like they've had some sort of... beneficial interaction." "I think the idea of someone putting themselves on display or putting themselves in a voyeuristic expression is what turns people on, not necessarily the actual person." "Because I've seen ugly go-go boys make lots of money." "I've seen ugly prostitutes get awards, so I don't think it necessarily has to do with what they look like." "So there are prostitute awards?" "Yeah." "And what's your favorite part of your body?" "Uh..." "I like my brain." " You can't say that." " Why?" "I don't really..." "I don't really look at myself like that." "What's your least favorite part of your body?" "Uh..." "My penis, it's so small." " Are you being serious?" " No." "It's really hard to gain weight." "I have to, like, work really hard to gain weight." "so that's one thing that I don't like;" "my metabolism's really fast." "What if you don't feel like being pawed at that night?" "What do you do to get yourself in the mood?" "Uh, I guess..." "just fake it until you feel it." "Ladies and gentlemen," "Welcome to the home of New York's finest boy on the box." "Here we go." "What's up?" " Hi." " Hi, how are you?" "You comin'?" "Do you, uh, want some water or anything?" "OK." "All right." "Let's get you some water." " Here you go." " Thanks." "It's hot today, right?" "Cheers." "Yeah, it's hot." "Do you like it when it's hot outside?" "Yeah, it's whatever." "It's a good excuse not wear any underwear, right?" "Yeah, I guess." "You want to see the rest of the place?" "Yeah, yeah, of course." "I need to see your natural habitat, don't I?" "So this is..." "Santi's room." "He takes pictures." "He's really good." "This is a figurine that I pulled out of his anus once, 'cause he sat on it, and it got stuck." " Oh." " I'm totally kidding." "Sometimes when I think things are funny, I don't laugh, so don't like, be offended." "I won't." "I'll just keep making sex jokes, so I hope you're OK with that." "This is the eating and hang out area." "And more random stuff." "What's that?" "That's for tattooing." "This is alcohol and green soap." "And this is my bedroom." "Oh, wow." "Are these your paintings?" "Yeah, I did all of these ones." "Is this you here?" "That's a self-portrait, yeah." "You don't really look like that though." "If you take LSD, I'll look like that." " I mean it's nice, but..." " Thanks." "Apparently, I'm making a movie about a painter, who likes to dance." "I do both." "I'm extremely versatile." " And, so..." " So, this is your room." " This is my room." " And your Elvis." "I'm a huge Elvis fan." "So you sleep with him every night." "This is awkward." "I've never had someone film me eat something before." "It's nothing to be ashamed of." "Actually it is." "I mean, I guess if you're eating pussy." "And?" "Probably better than pussy." "My friend was telling me about class systems for, like, different kinds of gays." "Like, gold star gays." "If you've had sex with a girl that means you're not a gold star gay;" "that means you're a bronze gay." "What's your medal?" "I'm not sayin'." " Really?" " Yeah." "Do you have a favorite part of your body?" "Did I already ask you that?" "I said my brain." "You said I can't say that." "Oh, right, you can't." "Do you want to change your answer?" "Um..." "You can have a favorite part of your body." " That's perfectly OK." " I like my tattoo." "It's a snake." "It's supposed to be your kundalini, in a non, very traditional way." "It rises up through your belly, up to your head." "These are these microscopic organisms from the ocean, by this scientific artist, named Ernest Haeckel." "They're just really beautiful." "And they look like floral, but they are not flowers." "So I got those because I thought they were really pretty, and kind of vaginal." "They look like sex organs." "You know what I mean?" "So I liked that..." "Because they're pretty." "And then I have a fly, because I'm the shit." "Really?" "No..." "I just thought it looked really trashy, and I was attracted to that." "Do you think that there is a part of your physical body that people are attracted to most?" "Um..." "I think people like personality." "Like...people that interact with them." "And as a performer, you think that's what they respond to?" "Well, I mean, which would you rather watch?" "A baboon presenting its anus all blown up and red, or would you rather watch a baboon randomly eating, like, salad in a corner?" "Like, obviously you are gonna watch the sexual presentation above the mundane one." "Not that I present my ass so literally, but you know what I mean." "So can you maybe walk me through how you decide what to wear every night?" "Well, I guess it depends on what party I'm going to, or what kind of event it is." "And whether or not I'm going to be flashing anyone my balls or tea bagging." "So I guess that changes what type of underwear you're wearing?" "Yeah, 'cause some you can just, like, zip open and your balls fall out." "Others are just assless." "Can you show me some of the options?" "I really like this guy right here." "He, like, shows off my nuts really good." "And I like this one because it's like barely anything there." "Sometimes I wear this guy if it's, like, a pothead party." "Have you ever been dancing and really uncomfortable in what you're wearing and it fucks up your vibe?" "Yeah, I made this, like, jockstrap out of mylar once." "And it was, like, shiny and, like, silver and it was, like, scratching the shit out of my legs." "So that was really uncomfortable." "Do you have a favorite or lucky pair?" "Well, these ones always make me look like I'm naked, so that's pretty good." "So tonight I think I'm going to wear this little gold number just 'cause I'm feeling a little extra flirty." "Lets everyone know I've never slept with a woman." "Right." "Gold..." "Gold star gay." "Gold star gay, right." "I'm learning." " That could work with the gold." " Oh, yeah, totally." " Did you make that?" " I did make that, yeah." " So that's it." " That's it." "All right, I think I'm gonna go shower." " I'm sorry." " You can keep filming." "You sure?" "Whatever helps you get your rocks off, dude." "OK." "I mean, I'm naked in front of people for money all the time so if one person films me," "I'm not really that concerned about it." "All right, I'm gonna go shower." "You want to come?" "What's up?" "What's up?" " So, uh, hi, what's up?" " What's up?" "Do you shave or trim before you go out?" "I, uh, use a buzzer." "Buzz my chest and stuff like that." "Do you think some guys like you to be hairy, and some guys like you to be soft?" "I think for the most part people just want to make sure you have a big ass or a big dick, or both, right?" "I guess so, but they can't even see your dick." "Oh, I might show it to them anyway." "Oh..." "OK." "I feel like gay guys like really hairless guys." "Some gay guys do, like in Idaho or Ohio." "So Midwestern guys like less hair, but guys in New York like furry" "I feel like people that tan like less hair than like big furry bears that are all white." "Look at you, full of wisdom." "Is there a way that you prefer your body hair?" "Well, I guess it's not really up to me, because I'm not the one with the cash and the fantasy." "So what else do you do, to get ready?" "I basically just make sure that I'm clean and decent enough to touch." "So, what's your perspective on this thing anyway?" "I don't know." "Just you so far." "Aren't you supposed to have like, an idea, or some sort of, like, thesis or something like that?" "Well, I figured I'd just try to find a story in your story." "I was just gonna go with the flow." "That's cool." "I'm down with that." "I guess it's too late now to turn back, right?" "Yeah." "Ready, Doc?" "Hey, guys, this is Doc." "He's making a movie about me so be nice, OK?" "What's up?" "Great ass, by the way." "Whoa, buddy." "What really is in a Crush Me slushy anyway?" "OK, I'm all done." "Was that too quick?" "Do you remember the first time a man flirted with you?" "Yes, I was three." "I was a very flirtatious child so I would flirt with lots of different kinds of people, like, women and men." "I was never, like, scared or nervous about flirting or anything like that." "I used to shove my hands down, like, women's tops when I was, like, three, in church." "What are you attracted to?" "Like, what's your type of guy?" "I like people that communicate effectively." "That's a really big deal for me." "No, I mean physical." "Oh, it's like, all over the board." "I like everything." "What the fuck is all that?" "Don't tell my trainer." "Oh, God." "Have you ever had a boyfriend that works at the club?" "Uh...no." "Why not?" "I don't know." "I don't really trust other people that work in nightlife." "But you expect them to trust you?" "I guess so." "It's a little bit of a double standard, huh?" "Is this...pretty typical?" "Dinner time at 4 am?" "Oh, yeah, for sure." "There's no way you could eat like this every night." "Yeah, why not?" "I gained five pounds just looking at food this late." "Well, you gotta eat to live." "Says the Adonis, as he ingests 2000 calories at 4 am." "Thanks." "Take off your clothes." "No." "Shut up." "Start with your shirt." "Come on." "No, I'm not going to take my shirt off." "Uh...no." "Your turn." "You're shirtless for a living." "I'm shirtless for showering, and doctors appointments." "Stop!" "Come on, take it off." "Take off your shirt." "Come on." "Fine." "See, that wasn't so hard." "Yes, it was." "So, you're like a middle-aged lady in bed?" "Lights out first?" "I don't know..." "I guess." "Yeah, the last time, if I remember correctly, the lights were off." "You really had to think about that." " It was a long time ago." " How long?" "I don't know." "A while." "How long is a while?" "Eight months, maybe a year." "What?" "Are you fucking kidding me?" "I don't know, I'm content with my online sex life." "It's fast, easy..." "clean." "I always assumed I'd just wait 'til marriage." "Well, that's kind of sweet, I guess." "Yeah." "And I've been flirted with precisely three times." "That you know of." "You're not exactly perceptive about that stuff." "Guys are not interested." "Damn, boy." "That ass must be so tight." "Wait a minute..." "You're a virgin?" "I mean, no." "I've had tons of oral sex." "Especially in high school, and especially in my senior year of high school." "I mean, unless you're counting fingers, because I have topped and bottomed digitally, with varying degrees of success." " Oh, my God." " It's not funny." "You're fucking adorable." "No, I'm just scared." "Scared of what?" "Um..." "Disease, pain, nudity, commitment, poop." "OK, I think that's enough." "Truth or dare?" "No, I think I'm OK with my... electronic representations of you." "Come on, even Andy slept with his subjects." "But our sex life is perfectly healthy already." "Then we'll make love." "Hey." "You're adorable." "You're adorable." "You want to shower first?" " No, I like you dirty." " OK." "You're a virgin?" "Can I?" "Give me that camera." "I don't know if I want to film this." "You wanted to see where your movie went..." "Well, here it is." "It's in my bed." "So what are you gonna do?" "You are really beautiful." "Thank you." "Put it on me." "Slow, slow." " Sorry." " It's fine." "Just keep it there for a minute." "Oh, my God." "Oh..." "Ah..." "Fuck." "When did you lose your virginity?" "When I was 15." "Can you tell me about it?" "It was a friend, he was 17, and it was, like, on the night of my 15th birthday." "And..." "I was, like, really horny." "I had seen a few porns and I was, like," "'All right, I'm ready to do this.'" "I mean, it wasn't super great." "It was really awkward, and I was drunk." "And then the next day were you excited?" "Um, I was just, like, whatever." "Like, I got that done, out of the way." "How many people have you had sex with?" "I don't know." "I tried to write a list before and, like, lost count." "I'm sure its not that many, but I mean, I don't know." "I'm not gonna be, like, oh, I'm so proud " "I've only had sex with five people, because I haven't." "And I'm not going to be, like, I'm so proud " "I've had sex with 500 people, because I haven't." "Do you think that people that watch you dance want to...fuck you?" "Some of them, I'm sure." "Have you ever thought about that?" " No." " Really?" "Have you ever had cyber-sex?" "Whatever you're thinking, I've probably done it." "Do you think that people use you as part of their personal sex life via the internet?" "Yeah, people have told me that they've jerked off to pictures of mine." "And I say, thanks, it's sweet." "What am I supposed to do - jerk them off?" "Oh, thanks." "That's awesome!" "What's up?" "I don't know." " Should we turn the camera off?" " I guess so." "I just thought of a really cool painting." " Don't forget it." " I won't." "You're money's over there." "Beautiful dreamer" "Wake unto me" "Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee" "Sounds of the rude world" "Heard in the day" "Lull'd by the moonlight have all pass'd away" "Beautiful dreamer" "Awake unto me!" "Beautiful dreamer..." "Well it seems odd to interview myself for my own film." "But apparently, I am to make a cameo." "I'm not altogether happy about that fact." "But...here we are." "I...honestly, kind of feel dirty." "Not in a good way." "Maybe if Go's arms were to be my forever home." "But they're not." "So, here I am..." "an amateur porn performer." "Was it good for you?" "You know, you really need to get laid more." "I know." "If for nothing else, then for the cause." "Yeah?" "What's 'the cause?" "'" "Well, every time we fuck it's, like... a political statement, you know?" "The mere act of us penetrating each other, is, like, an exercise in freedom." "And I don't know about you, but I like to exercise my freedom as much as possible." "I didn't know you were so patriotic." "The American flag on the door didn't give it away?" "You can't walk into a gay bar, an event, or even a neighborhood without seeing a guy dancing on a table in his underwear, or less." "You don't realize how fucked up people think that is?" "That we're unwilling to be bound by their puritanical roots?" "But why does everything have to be about sex?" "Because that's what they've reduced us to for centuries." "Just fucking." "So we defy them by being exactly what they expect?" "No." "We defy them by owning their judgment." "You want us to keep losing our identity?" "No, but I think it might be helpful if we lost some of it." "No." "I don't want our uniqueness to keep disappearing into this void of political correctness and pop culture." "I have to apologize to my 37 followers-- well, 39 now, actually-- for neglecting you." "My obsession has grown...into longing." "It's like I want to take care of him." "I don't want him to make a living from the dollars of gropers anymore." "I don't want him to seen as an object by anyone but me." "I just want to rip that hat off his head, so the world can see his eyes and not his ass." "I'm really confused." "I don't want you to hide." "I want you to be free." "This is, of course, coming from a fucked up, almost college graduate who has basically nothing to offer you." "This is irrational." "Maybe we should just get married." "Maybe we should just run away from the city together." "You don't want to be here any more than I do." "So, we'll go to Iowa and you can tattoo people, or pigs, or whatever you do and paint and make clothes and I'll write." "I'll be a writer." "I love him." "And it's not like that romantic kind of," "I need to spend the rest of my life with this person, kind of love." "Because I've never felt that..." "I don't think I have." "I don't know if he's ever gotten the love that he deserves." "And if no one's willing to step up, then I feel the responsibility to take the job." "I know I'm being naive." "I'm sure I'm the millionth fag to think I can make a difference." "But you know, none of them did it, and maybe I will." "People can change." "I know that, at least, from my experiences." "And then, Jesus, there's that ass!" "It's like an ass from another planet." "And I know I'm not the first visitor to planet go-go ass." "I may not be number 100, but maybe I can be the last?" "When was the last time you were in love?" "Not too long ago." "Dot, dot, dot." "Do you believe in commitment and monogamy?" "Monogamy is a rare thing, and I think commitment is an even rarer thing." "It's hard to maintain that kind of intimacy with people..." "I think." "But I think it's possible." "Relationships are hard because sometimes it becomes painfully obvious that you guys are in two different emotional states and that they don't align." "I definitely had a situation like that." "So, tell me about it." "I don't want to." "Maybe if we stepped down off the go-go box, and started being a little bit more normal." "So..." "Stalking a go-go boy is normal, but being one isn't?" "I'm just saying that there's nothing more unique about being gay than there is about being straight." "It's narcissistic to think so." "Normal is just something that a bunch of people pretend that they are." "Statistically, no;" "there is a normal." "But I get it." "It's natural to rebel." "Personally, I think it takes more courage to be average, to be boring, and just try and assimilate." "I think it's more threatening to the statistically normal person to...act like they do." "Anyone can look at a homo, like, a really 'out there, acting as uniquely as he possibly can' kind of homo... and feel like they don't understand that and they don't need to understand that." "And they never will." "But if we all acted and talked and thought the same way, think of the minds that we would fuck." "You've heard of Hitler, right?" "Come on." "I'm not saying we should all be pale blondes with blue eyes." "No, just office drones with khaki pants and polos." "You don't want to be normal." "You want to be an artist." "Being an artist is so overrated though." "Everyone's an artist." "Or at least they think they are." "I think most people now believe that the only thing separating them from fame and fortune, is the finish line of a reality show." "I don't know why my voice is any more unique than any of theirs." "Let's go to sleep." "It's, like, that fame is the new American birthright." "We do anything for it, and yet we feel cheated somehow if we don't get it." "What's your thesis again?" "The goal of the queer community must be assimilation if true equality is ever to be won." "Ow." "That's fucked up." "You know, Warhol's whole point of view was assimilation, a bunch of nearly identical soup cans." "No, it wasn't." "Warhol's point was about the mundane life of the 50's, and it was a pretty radical statement at the time." "No." "He wanted to be famous." "He wanted us to lose the parts of ourselves that made us less than ideal, and he led by example." "I don't want to be different..." "I don't want to be unique." "I just want to be like everybody else." "As soon as you stick your thick prick up someone's butt, you lose that luxury." "Look, your essay is totally fucking colonial, but your writing is really good." "Should I burn it and start over?" "You should brush your teeth." "Yeah, why not." "I don't want people to see me doing my hair." "Put the video down." "I'll show you." "Look, watch..." "You're gonna try and film it." "Hey!" "I have to go get it filled in." "I'm gonna go to Puerto Rico." "I can't believe you're recording that." "Ladies and gentlemen..." "Welcome to the stoop of New York's finest boy on a box." "Except this time, I have my cap and gown." "This is fucked up." "This is fucked up." "Fuck!" "What?" "Do you need cash?" "'Cause I can just give you cash." "I didn't think that five percent would get my exclusivity, but..." "No, I'm not fucking coming back." "There's no way." "It's your job to make people think you like them." "You're not a job." "I mean it." "You're different." "Clearly." "Do you know that before I met you," "I was saving myself?" "For the right guy." "Doc, I'm sorry." "I can't believe I gave it up to a fucking stripper." "I feel like a fucking idiot." "Fuck you!" "You wanted drama." "I wanted drama for the movie." "Not for my life." "That's not true." "You don't think I didn't know this whole thing was shit from the beginning?" "You didn't even have a camera, let alone a fucking clue about what you were doing." "Obviously you were using this as a way to get close to me - and guess what, it worked." "Well, maybe I didn't know another way to do it." "Why do we have to be so serious?" "Because this is serious..." "To me." "Come on, Doc." "I have to go to the boy's room." "Doc..." "Please don't." " Look" " This is embarrassing enough." "I'm sorry." "I really am." "Hold on, I have an idea." "No, not now." "I want you to film this." "Your friendship means a lot more to me than five percent of anything." "So..." "Come here." "I totally get it if you have to walk away." "You're gonna shoot me now?" "Who is the first guy that flirted with you?" "I don't know." "I think touching came before flirting." "It was at summer camp." "Where did he touch you?" "He touched me, like, on my leg and then on my dick." " Did you like it?" " Yeah." "How old were you?" "Thirteen." "I remember going to sleep that night thinking that I had committed a crime - like, that I had murdered somebody." " Oh, really?" " I felt such immense guilt." "Where do you think that guilt came from?" "It's so funny that people smile when they are not happy sometimes." "I just smiled so big, but I'm not happy;" "I'm just embarrassed and kind of, like, don't want to tell you what I'm thinking." "So now you have to tell me, you know that." "Um..." "I think that I have a lot of guilt built up over the years from being a kid who always felt like he had something to hide." "This sense of being found out or this worry that you grow up with as a gay kid." "I guess it keeps me inhibited." "What do you find most attractive about a guy?" "I like people that don't give a fuck." "I don't think I could really be with anyone like that, but..." "Greetings, followers." "Welcome to five minutes of my world." "As I'm sure you guessed, today was supposed to be different." "This cap and gown was not my fantasy." "I'm not supposed to be alone wearing it, but time is, time was, right?" "So, take it in." "This is your last fleeting moment." "This one's for Go... and then it all goes." "Take the robe off?" "No way..." "It's symbolic." "You about done with my camera?" "Almost." "To my son." "Congratulations!" "Today is the day that I vow to stop obsessing..." "Over any thing, or anyone." "No more cyber-stalking." "I've even killed my Facebook and my blog." "I want to do and say and think and be and eat and sleep with and kiss, anything or anyone that I want to." "And I won't need a half a bottle of bourbon or any number of pink, gay slushy drinks to..." "Sorry, I'm..." "OK, where was I?" "Um..." "I'm just gonna be myself." "That's the bottom line, I guess." "Starting with Go." "You seem nervous." "I have another phone if you need an angle." "I'm fine, thanks." "Go..." "My subject." "My muse." "My obsession..." "My friend." "My first." "This is the first time I've ever been this close to a guy." "And the truth is, it feels really good - the proximity, emotionally and physically." "From up close, in the light of day," "I can see that you're not perfect." "You have blackheads." "You have ear hair." "You have a mole on your stunning pectoralis major muscle." "Your hairline is very slowly, but surely, receding." "One day your physical beauty is gonna fade and you'll be left with what's underneath." "A little bit of narcissism, a lot of neediness." "This isn't fair." "Why do you get to judge me?" "Just let me finish, please." "I just want to say a few things to get them off my chest, because I've been saying them over and over to myself in my apartment and I feel like you're the only person that I really want to know these things, so..." "I don't really like Madonna." "I don't want to have to worry about the pattern of my chest hair." "I don't want to have to worry about the size of my calves." "I'm not a twink, or a bear, or a cub or an otter." "I'm not fat or fem or a power bottom." "I'm just me." "You know I'm more than all those things." "I know, and I love you for it." "I don't mean to belittle you, or any other homosexual that likes vodka sodas with a splash of cranberry because they're only 109 calories - if you don't count the cranberry, 'cause it's only a splash, right?" "I just have never felt like part of their community." "OK, this is it, The end." " What?" " This is the final shot." "I thought you don't leave 'til Friday." "Yeah, but I have a life." "I have other things I need to take care of." "I know that, but I'm around." "I can help you do whatever you need." "It's OK, I got it." "Thank you." "Don't you want one last summer in New York?" "I have to be out of my apartment by Friday." "You could crash here with me." "Fuck, Doc." "I don't want it to end like this." "Can you turn the fucking camera off?" "Can you just turn it off?" "Why are you doing this?" "I had to say thank you for showing me a new side of myself that really I had never known, and for bringing me out of my shadows." "And I also wanted to apologize for all the..." "I don't know..." "See, I'm not good at this." "I'm not a people person." "This is exactly why I've never..." "I am a social misfit." " No." " Yeah, I am." "It's OK, at least I'll always know there's one person in my tribe that thinks I belong." "I'm sorry I hurt you, Doc." "I didn't mean to." "It wasn't intentional..." "And I didn't bring you out of any shadows." "You did that all on your own." "I was just some piece of ass on a computer screen that lured you out." "This was real." "We're both just fighting for the same thing." "I don't know why you're talking like you never want to see me again." "Because we shouldn't fuck it up for each other." "And we haven't, and we won't." "I have to go." "Come on, Doc." "Fake it 'til you feel it." "I think you need to rewrite your paper." "Yeah, what's my new thesis?" "That the goal of assimilation within the" "LGBTQIA-LMNOP community in the United States has castrated queer culture and in effect, culture at large by denying humanity's radical need for diversity." "That's actually pretty good." "You have a pen and paper?" "You have it on video." "Iowa, really?" "That's not very Warhola of you - going from somewhere to nowhere." "Maybe I'm destined to live a boring, normal life." "There has to be some kind of defiance in that." "Baby steps." " Can I ask you something?" " Yeah." " Do you like your eyes?" " Yeah, I do." "You always wear a hat though, I've noticed." "I don't like to make eye contact with people." "Is that why you wear a hat when you dance?" "Um hmm." "'Cause you don't like to look people in the eyes?" "You don't like feeling all those eyes on you?" "No..." "It's intimidating." "I just like to have fun, and do my thing." "So do you pretend you're alone?" "Well, I am alone." "Everybody's alone." "Life imitating art, imitating life, imitating art." "Yeah." "New beginnings are really new." "Go sent me a text earlier... from dirty, crowded Brooklyn." "Thinking about you, Sexy." "Seen any hot guys yet?" "Hope you don't have to resort to farm animals." "If it comes to that, let me know and I'll be on the first flight out." "I think that I'll always be friends with him." "And I know that people say that all the time, and they usually don't mean it." "But I really believe that." "But we'll always have Facebook." "Yeah, I'm back on." "I lasted about 23 hours." "So it turns out I knew what I wanted all along." "I wanted to move home." "I'm not exactly from Iowa, but I think it's safe to say that I wanted to move back to the country." "Own a farm." "Drive a combine." "Buy a shotgun." "I want to have a family and grow old sipping lemonade on my front porch." "I think that's how I'll be a real, radical homosexual." "So I guess this is the small town boy in the city, signing off." "And if you'd like to follow my journey, click here."