"G'd morning Bree!" "Hey buddy!" "Ready for your introduction video?" "Garranteed the new boss guy's never even gonna watch this." "Ethan relax!" "Any idea what Steve wants to ear from us?" "Just sparkle for the camera big guy." "Right, sparkle." "Hi!" "I'm Ethan Jarlewski." "I work here in the jPod as the gore specialist." "Basically, i find new ways of inserting carnage and violence in videogames, while conforming to quality code." "Dude that's so boring." "Talk about..." " your love life." " I'm not talking about my love life!" "My favorite room temperature is..." " This is pretty good." " Cowboy, what are we at now?" "21.7 °C" "Make that 71 °F." "I hate metric but i don't wanna talk about it." " Talk about your love life." " Okay..." "My love life..." "I've had my heart broken twice, and lately i've been wondering if there is even such a thing... as "The one"." "And that scares me... and that's enough of that." "Happy Cowboy?" "So yeah Steve, that's me!" "I look forward to... serving your vision." "We here at jPod are "Go-Getting Bunch"!" "Alright." "Kill that Cowboy!" "jPod "I Love Turtles" Episode 1" "Correction:" "Nicolas Thank you!" "Watch out Ethan, i'm on your ass." "I'm so scared Bree!" "Oh you'd better be scared!" "Well hello, it's a schoolbus of helpless telethon children stuck at a railway crossing." "Look out!" "You're gonna die!" "Yes!" "That's 3000 points for insanity bonus." "Thank you!" "Thank you!" "You started to play death race and you didn't wait for me?" "!" "John Doe!" "You brought extra buttery popcorn into an enclosed space with poor ventilation." "Are you out of mind?" "The photo on the box made it look so tasty and..." "You know the drill." " Do we have to?" " Yes, we do." "Rules are rules." "I feel ridiculous with the popcorn bag duct-taped on me." "You should have thought of that before you tained our work environment." "I'm gonna take it off then." "We'll be the judge of when that bag comes off butter monkey until then you're shunned." "It's our new boss!" " He is with Gordina from H.R." " Yes, he is with Gornina." "I tell you, dwight, this new system we installed is producing some killer haul." "Yeah!" "I got your coin right here." "Yeah, you'll see it in an hour." "Yeah, later." "Is this really that good?" "We never see this quality in a start-up." "I wasn't past president of the North Vancouver Alpine Gardening club for nothing!" "Why, look at this!" "Oh my..." "Meet... "The Dude"" "I named it after Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski." "Shaggy, gruff, loveable... and not for sale!" "He's that crowning glory of my genetic theories." "If anything can be the 30 % THC benchmark, It'll be this grumptious little fellow." "And how is my little doodsy-woodsy?" "So i gotta be a plant to get a kiss around here?" "No, Jim don't be naughty." "I mean the vibe down here is great!" " Yeah" " I mean there is this is a young... energy." "It's hip it's cool it's like beeing in the center of the planet." "You know what i mean?" "We are so far down, my ears are... they're like popping." "Greetings Popsters, I'd like you all to meet Steven Lefkowitz." "He is the new vice president in charge of Vision and he will be overseeing you." "Vice president." "Look out!" "Better behave!" "Hi Steven." "I'm Kaitlin" "Well... you're clearly a... a special bunch." "I love special!" ""Podsters"?" "Yes. jPod... jPod is the freakish netherworld within Neotronics Arts." "It is the product of the Y2k computer glitch which caused random employees with the J surname to be assigned to these satellite basement offices." "This pod hence... jPod" " And you're developping the..." " BoardX game, Sir." "BoardX... right right!" "Right that's with... what is that?" "BoardX is a hip, edgy, quirky game." "Ethan?" "Find the clip." "It's a third-person medium-scale sandbox world comprised with suburban shopping, malls, librairies, sub-divisions..." "Players are challenged while boarding in a consequence-free environment, combining the conforts of home with a gritty and dangerous urban edge." "How would we survive without marketing buzzwords?" " I'm sorry, I haven't called you back..." " Oh, so Steven..." "I'm gonna return to the surface of the planet and leave you with your new family." "Okay." "Enjoy." "Oh, Steve, this will give you a taste right here." "Look the environment's, background, textures are all temp." "We are early into development but, you get the idea." "I love it." "I do!" "I love it." "I absolutely love it!" "And... and the fact that we put the letter X at the end of the game's name," "I mean that makes it the game immediatly way more cooler than if we hadn't have to put the X there." "That's, that's great!" "I mean "X" is way cooler than you know "H"" " Oh, absolutely !" "Yeah!" " H wouldn't be good, BoardH is not but X is good." "Well, i'll tell you i didn't turn monrovia chocolates around inside of two years without exploiting the talents of at least a few of those around me." "i can tell this team has what it takes." " Thank you Steve." " That's why i want to turn jPod into my own personal Ideal Lab." " Great!" " What do he mean "Ideal Lab"?" "Together we can take BoardX to the top!" "Just need a bit more enchantment, more magic." " Magic?" " What we need... is a talking animal." "A buddy !" "Steve, BoardX is 4 months into development it is too late for a talking buddy." " I hear you, Nathan." "Ethan." "Ethan, kids today, they don't want to play alone." "Actually, they kinda do." "So we can change that, right?" "We give that lonely gamer a friend." "So he can share his laughter with, his sorrows, his quest." "This is a skateboard game, it's a good game, we like it." "Ah!" "Steve." "What kind of animal?" "Well," "I'm thinking... turtle!" " Turtle?" "!" " Shup up." "I think it's a good idea." " Yes!" "Let's try that." " Or we cannot try it." "Or we do." "Come on Carol!" "I may not be top-notch chronic but i'm bushy and ripe and you know i could make your head spin." "Enough!" "Tim that is very flattering but let's just stick to business." " But i do mean business." " Tim!" "Stop!" "Then i guess we'd better talk hush money." "It'd be a shame if someone narced on your little set-up." "Oh!" "Is that your game?" "Name your number." "50." " thousand?" "!" " percent." "I have worked far too hard to ever let anything like that happen..." "You are going to give something up before we leave this basement." "So as we can see Steve, this is no world for a talking turtle." "This is..." "This is a world of extreme pain and difficult lessons learned at expensive cost." "Gang, gang, gang, gang!" "All this negative talk is killing my creative sparks." "So here is the deal, my son Connor loves turtles." "Therefore my first Neotronic Arts release will have a" " loveable shield reptile on the cover." " It will set us back months!" "Ethan, now that i'm here we don't hit a single pitch until we know it's going to be a home-run." "We're not yet out of the park yet on this one, buddy." "You guys put together your self-introductory videos for me." "It helps me to get to know you a little better." "Everybody's doing it?" " Yes sir, we're on it." " Yes!" "Almost done." "Turtle pitches." "One hour." "Remember." "Spunk, mirth, joy..." "Achievement !" "I can't believe he just did that." "Let's go dig up some dirt of this guy." "Alright." "Steven Lefkowitz" "Dude, check this out!" "This guy is a hugger." " What?" " Look at this!" "He's on a board of a cuddling club." "Oh man, that is sick!" "I thought i recognized him." "What do you mean you recognized him?" "I just knew i'd seen him before." "Tim!" "Keep your distance we are business people first and foremost." "Dwight?" "Yeah, i'm still with Carol." "I got a problem, she won't give me everything i want and i'm not leaving here until..." "Hey Tim you're still there?" "Tim what are you doing?" "Howdy!" "New boss guy!" "I'm Cowboy, short for "Cancer Cowboy"" "which actually refers to the Marlboro Cowboy who died of lung cancer." "Yeah, my father called me the "Cancer Cowboy" to stop me from smoking." "Which failed...bad!" "'cause these days, nothing makes me happier than a mentolated filter-tipped" "Langley!" "And i smoke them right here." "Using the massive jPod air-intake system." "I'm a core level-programmer, i dropped out of Yale to work at this place, 'cause the money is great and it's the only place in town where you can smoke your brains out and download porn... and write code." "Oh!" "My favorite room temperature:" "a toasty 23°C." "which means, i sometimes have to work shirtless." "but with what i got." "Who wouldn't?" "See, the human body is meant to be shared." "In fact, i think i'm going to strip it for your right now." "There's no slow-mo on that cam there." "So i'm going to have to take it nice and easy for you." "Just tease it out Steve." "Yeah!" "Just like that!" "You get it right inside like that." "Oh, you like that?" "Come on team!" "Dazzle me!" " Alright." " I say the word "turtle"." "You think?" "Ninja?" " Kaitlin?" " Caramel pecan clusters." " John Doe?" " The race with the hare." " That, that was tortoise." "They're different." " Mom?" "Hello dear, turtles are found near water and tortoises on dry land." " Can i help you?" " Please, i need to see my son Ethan." " He hasn't be answering his cellphone." " Mom, how did you get past security?" "Those sweety pies?" "Join us, please." "Misses?" "Please, please we need an outside eye." " Well, i guess i have a few minutes." " I insist." "We were just introducing a new talking turtle buddy into your son's new game." "Well, finally." "Something wholesome." "Honestly Steven, we didn't raise him with restricted television privileges, just so he could develop a disturbing interest in carnage." "So, Carol, if you were a turtle in this game." "What would you do?" "Why, I'd ride on my back like a skateboard." "Genious!" "Mom, put a turtle on its back and it dies." "Good point." "Carol?" "Well, if he was a skater, he probably enjoys spraying" "MILF (Mother I'd Like to Fuck) dreadful graffiti everywhere." "Why doesn't he spray-paint clues on his shell?" " Only you can never read the crap they write." " So, your hero has to... find special mirrors to decode the messages." "Jeez." "That's what i'm talking about!" "You see?" "Not only did Carol think outside of the box, she didn't even know one exists!" "Kaitlin, i want sketches of our turtle buddy dressed all edgy, like... poor people." "Spray painted inspirational messages like:" ""Use drugs responsably"" " Kinda thing." "John Doe?" " Sir." "Redo all the backgrounds, every single of one them, reflective surfaces everywhere." " Bree!" " Oh god!" "Research turtle movement." "Find your own inner turtle." "Speaking of which." "Ethan, find out if turtles bleed but go easy on the gore, we only want our guy to scuff a knee, tops." "Gang, i only get the chance to make my first game... once!" " I smell a winner." "I really do." " It's my popcorn Sir." "What is that scent you're wearing?" "I knew it the second you..." " Mom, what are you doing ?" " Honey, i need a little help." "You put a death trap in your own house?" "Darling, i'm not raising miniature poneys down here." "I never thought i'd actually use it." " He's dead!" " It was an accident!" "No!" "That's the only destruktor-three cap in the entiere country!" "I won that down at the E3 conference!" "It made you look like a preemie baby anyway." "Come on!" "Let's get skedaddle." "Give me the head." "Give me the head." "I think i'm gonna be sick." "Come on Ethan, you're the gore specialist." "Hasn't the Internet toughened you up at all?" "Look at the bright side." "All the snow makes moving things a little easier." "Videogames aren't real." "This is a real life dead body." "You think i don't know that?" "He was looking into my eyes when he died." "Just i'm glad he's not not punctured, or leaking, or anything." "Oh, yes Ethan, i know it's horrible!" "I killed a man in that basement!" "It would look very bad to your father and far worse to the police." "Your brother Greg would never be so namby-panby." "namby-panby?" " So then get him to be your accomplice." " I tried, he's closing a penthouse sale in Coal Harbour." " Yeah?" "And how do we close this particuliar deal?" " Trust me." "I have a plan." "Hi, i'm John Doe... which, as of last week, is my true and legal name." "Got it." "I was born "juniper" with a small "j" because my mom is a scary hippie lesbian." "I spent my whole life overcompensating from my freakish communal upbringing by beeing as statistically normal as possible." "Moving on." "The lesbian karaoke song that i dread the most is, the chanting classic : "The power of Vulva"." "Reminds me of my youth in all the wrong ways." "My area of expertise here at Neotronic Arts is backgrounds, trees, sky, stars, that's where i'm most comfortable." "Great!" "You want me to say anything more?" "Well the carpet is a good idea but why did you make him thrown in" " a stack of national geographics?" " Thrill of the hunt." " Yeah, but you just finally dumped ours last year" " And i've been just sick about it ever since." "John Doe?" "Your shunning is officially over." "You're free!" "Come on man!" "Cowboy, what are you doing?" "Playing Sacriledge." "I don't even want to ask." "It's easy." "You get an universal 10 grand to buy the scariest stuff you can online." "I'm in hell." " You okay?" " Yeah." "Right over there." "Right here." " Are you ready?" " Yeah." "Now!" "He should be..." "He should be fine in there for a good long time." "Son, it was kind of you to give him your hat, dear." "I have to get to work." "Right, me too." "Ethan?" "Thank you son." "Candy time!" "Hi, i'm Bree, that's short for Brianna Marie Jyang" "I'm 28 and i have major control issues." "Chinese upbringing!" "I'm a motion capture expert which means that i take perfect little moments and i imprison them on my hard drive... for ever and ever." "Oh, what do you got there Bree?" "I've been lurking on an auction for... a while and it's almost over." "And what's it for?" " It's kinda naughty." " How naugty?" "Well, i'm bidding on a new black leather bullwhip." "And in 3 seconds we'll see if i beat "ToughDaddy69"." "3 2" "1..." "I'm victorious." "So, John Doe, would you like to get whiped?" "Ethan." "I'm in love!" "You're what?" "Yeah, well, this girl started mesuring my inseam and well one thing led to another so." "Dad, now is not a good time to chew the fat." "Mom's here." " I don't care who knows!" " Is that your father?" "I want to talk to him about dinner." "Oh, jesus, (incredibly)!" "Thighs like a gazelle, she's got lips like honey." "Ask him if he's okay with a turkey loaf instead of breast, loaf's on sale." "I'm telling you, she's a mechanical bull in the sack." "My thighs are bruised like a crate of plums." "They say the loaf's transfattier but," " I'm told it's tastier." " Dad, let's talk later bye." "Loaf's okay?" "Loaf's great mom." "Loaf's great." "Cowboy, "ambiguously gay muppet characters" : 12 letters." "Bert and ernie." " John Doe, "tasty treat": 5 letters" " Snack." "Do you guys ever work?" "Actress, "Mary Tyler" "Blank"" " Actress?" "How many letters?" " 5" "Clark." "Mary Tyler Clark." "Moore." "No!" "It's not Moore but it does start with M." "Moose, Munch, Muffy, Mopsy?" "Guys, it is Moore :" "Mary Tyler Moore." "Crosswords!" "I've got one." "7 letters." "Prisoner of jPod." "Starts with a K." "Prisoner?" "Not for long!" "Nice." "Regina?" "Can you get him now please?" "Yes?" " They are crazy, okay?" "I can't do this." " If you don't like jPod's level of professionnalism, then raise the bar." "I want to make great games, put me anywhere else in Neotronic and i will go there." "There's the football franchise?" "Extreme ping pong or educational games?" "I'll look into it." "Okay?" "Okay." "Coffee's up!" " Is Kaitlin near you?" " Kaitlin no." "Why?" "Oh, buddy come on!" "The old keywords swap?" " Why not just pull her on pinktails?" " It's merely a hazing ritual." " Ah yeah." " Bobby?" "Anobody here actually googled Kaitlin yet?" " No, i thought you did." " I thought you did it!" "You mean nobody did?" "Kaitlin Joyce." " Click on the "I am feeling lucky" button!" " No, nobody does at." " I'm feeling lucky." " Okay." "Meet Kaitlin Joyce!" "A jupiter Florida tech worker who couldn't..." " What?" "What?" "Is that Kaitlin?" "Put off today's doughnut until tomorrow." " That is good." "The result!" "254 pounds of self-loathing" "I was eating myself to death something had to change" "That's why i'm so lucky that i discovered the Sandwich Underground diet." "After eating just one selection daily from a wide variety of nutritionally balanced sandwich and sandwich-type products." "I went..." "Dad?" "Ethan, major problemo on the homefront, i need you now!" " I'm at work." " I'm talking crisis son!" "How can you be so selfish?" "You made me... an underground loser." " This is your crisis?" "!" " I know!" "Is she fine or what?" "And Ethan, please don't get all jugdemental on me here." "Dad, it's Ellen Steele, i went to high school with her." "Really?" "Damn!" "I was hoping she'd be younger than you." " Why?" " I don't know, it's just, it's hotter." "Not that it matters, i think Ellen might be the one!" "You are the husband of my mother!" "You're my dad." "Ellen Steele from my algebra class is not the one!" "She wasn't even popular!" " I was too popular." " Please, you were not." "I was too!" "And i'm gonna prove it." "I'm gonna do the popular dance." " Why did you bring her here?" " I needed to get my pilates mat." " She's stoned!" " She ate "The dude"!" " Mom's dude?" "Downstairs?" " Yeah, she nuked it in the microwave." " That bad boy went down steaming." " Oh man!" "You're totally screwed!" "I am." "Oh!" "Check this out!" "Kaitlin's high school yearbook is online." " Prom queen?" " Hardly." " What you got boys?" " Modern mothers." "Motherhood is a natural and good thing, so to all 23 of Juperter high's junior class who opted out of school and into the mommy track, we salute you!" "Knowledge can wait but babies need you now!" "Oh my god!" "Kaitlin was a fat teen mother drop-out." " That girls' like a walking trash magnet." " I wonder what happened to the kid?" "She probably ate it." " She's passed out on the bed." " Well you've gotta get her outta here!" " Me?" "I'm not taking her anywhere." " Once again it's all about you you you." "You can't even help outyour old man when the going gets tough." "Hello?" "Dear?" "Wait till you try the cranberry sauce i got to go with the turkey." "Ethan?" "What's going on?" "Yeah Ethan, what is going on?" "Now?" "Mom..." "I have a new girlfriend." "Honey!" "That's wonderful!" " Finally!" "A chance for grand children." " Well, let's not rush into anything." "Oh dear." "Okay..." "Out with it!" "What's up?" "Ethan?" "Mom... my new girlfriend, Ellen..." " she ate the dude." " She what?" "Exactly!" "How could he even be dating someone who would do such a thing?" "Ethan!" "It's not so much i'm hurt." " I'm disappointed." " Sorry mom." "I don't want to hear... your excuses." "Well, it's been a rough day." "Okay." "Just this once, i'm giving you a get-out-of-jail free card." "I never want to see this young tramp of yours." "Promise me you will never date her again." "That i can do." "Now, if you'll excuse me." "I have turkey to cook." "Believe me Ethan, i'm worried about you." "I'm shocked and disappointed too son." "Thanks a lot dad." "I was too popular." "Hello Mr. Lefkowitz, i'm Kaitlin." "I am a fully trained character designer who is temporarly, marooned in this freakish pod of the corn, where my co-workers waste both time and Neotronic Arts' precious ressources." "You are supposed to discuss yourself, not us." "If you'd give us a chance, you'd like us." "I'm sure i would but i'm getting transfered out of here." "Come on, tell us something else." "I'm american from Florida." "I am formerly of Apple, yes, the Apple computers of Cupertino, California." "I moved here for a love." "That isn't here anymore." "I mean he is but it isn't." "So anyway." "This is my first week at Neotronic Arts and i look forward to bringing life to the characters that will populate your games." "Awesome." "Nature!" "What better place to find things natural?" "Here we hunt turtles." "Where we bond with the creatures and with each other." "Watch your step!" "You managed to choose the first snowy week since Ronald Reagan was president." "Ah, what?" "Do i heard the voice of someone who likes the challenge?" "Doesn't he know turtles hibernate?" "I hate nature." "Nature's boring, reminds me of hippies." "It was sweet of you to invite me on this field trip." "Turtle research mission." "You're a big part of this Carol, i need you." "I took the liberty of having Gordina prepare a box lunch." "I hope all four food groups are present." " Sizzle." " Steve'll end up being your stepfather." "Kill me now!" "I did some more digging on Steve." "We're his first gaming job." "He's got an ex-wife and a kid: ugly divorce, zero custody." "And, guess what the kid's t-ball team is called?" "The Turtles" "You're good." "I'm going 'shrooming." "How could you want to leave all this?" "Turtles hunting in the snow with Steve and my mother." "I know what you did to my keyboard." "You gore pimp!" "We were all once where you are now: waiting out, fighting destiny." "jPod's actually the best of all worlds." "If you play your cards right, you can do as much or as little work as you want." "jPod is the other side of the mirror: you lucked in!" "Maybe you just didn't try hard enough to get out." "Look Ethan!" "It's a dog chewing on the destruktor-three promotional toque like the one you have." "I thought you had the only one in the city." "I don't remember you." "you wearing that in the car on the way over." "It's strange." "When you have one specific task at hand, the whole world looks completely different." "Look around, all i can see it's how hard it is to find a place to dump a body." "It ain't the world is designed that way on purpose?" "Yes mom, if it was too easy to get ride of a bodies we'd run out of people" "As a species, we're a disaster." "You were always be the smart one Ethan." "Oh, stop the car!" "Stop the car!" "Your brother Greg's got his face on a bus bench." " You gave me a heart attack!" " I only get to see your son's face on the bus bench ad for the first time... once." "That's how my new boss talks." "Young Steven." "Mom, it's not my place to say anything but maybe hangging out with my work pod is just a little inappropriate." "You're right Ethan." "It isn't your place to say anything." "All Steven wants is to make your life better." "He could use a dab of joying your drab little world." "Your father and I spent our whole life trying to be appropriate, and all it got us was broke and left behind by society." "Now, let's find those power lines." "I'm making baked pears felicia for dessert tonight." "I have to get cracking." "The wrench is a nice touch." "If that doesn't look like an electrocuted biker, i don't know what does." "Like i said Ethan, you were always the smart one." "It was nice meeting you all." "Gordina?" "Hi." "Can i come in?" "I'm just wondering how the transfert's going?" "Kaitlin, that's quite a secret you carry." "Have a seat." "What?" "The weight thing?" "I could care less about that, i too am an underground loser." "No, what i'm refering to is "modern mothers"." "I googled you." "I'm all for being a nurturing, and fertile woman, but i'm also all for Neotronic Arts employees having a high school diploma." " Cordina please, i worked at Apple." "Who clearly need to do a better job checking references." "I was a rising star." "And, I once held a million-dollar portfolio of tech stock." "But here i am stuck in Human Ressources at Neotronic Arts." "Gordina please, i'm begging you, i'll die in there." "You get an equivalency degree." "And we'll discuss getting you out." "Until then consider yourself lucky to be employed." " You scared me." " I'm looking for my buddy, Tim." "Tim?" "Yeah, he called me yesterday from your basement, he said he has some news about you." "He was coming over, then the line went dead." "The cell reception down here is just awfull Dwight," " all this reflective middle services." " Yeah yeah." "The thing is Carol, Tim has 50 grands of my money on him." "And i want it, you think you can relay a message?" " I can try." " Good girl." "Because the way he just dropped out like that, Carol?" "It's mighty suspicious, and I figure if I don't get it from him," "Well, I'll have to get it from you." "Mom, i can't do this again." "Believe me Ethan, i was rather fond of Timmy, he was special to me." " What do you mean "special"?" " I can't expect you to understand, darling." "Oh god mom, don't look!" " Why?" "What's wrong?" " The crows have chewed out his eyeballs." " What's going on?" " It's okay now, you can look." "Here." "You can't just leave him here as a smorgasbord for wild animals." "You have to do what people in this world do with dead bodies, you have to bury him." "Well..." "Then let's hup to it." "I'm getting a server upgrade in an hour, call your other son." "Ethan!" "If you were in the same situation, i'd look for a good place to bury you too." "Gee, thanks." "That came out wrong." "You know what i meant." "If they find him dead, Dwight would know i'm implicated." "We have got to find a way to make sure that this... sweet... lovely man... was never ever found!" " You drive me for hours." " I am... thinking, i'm thinking." "Ethan, stop the car!" "We've already seen Greg's bench mom." "And one of them just gave me a super idea." "We're just in front of that wonderful listing you've got." "You've flipped it twice already?" "Honey, i'm so proud of you." "It's a little more than a hole in the ground." "Wait, when do they back-fill the fondation?" "Tomorrow!" "That's perfect!" "I can only imagine the dream kitchen." "A walk-in fridge." "Okay honey, i'm going to vamoose, so you just knock 'em dead at that open house tomorrow." "Please." "Please!" "Please!" "Don't come back!" " Alright." " Love you too, bye bye." "We both passed out." "I was looking at her, she was a little out of focus but i could just..." " kinda recognize it was her." " Why don't you recognize it was you?" "I just don't think she could." "We were both so 'tussed up that the tub of lube was never found." " She knows you googled her." " I didn't do it : you googled her!" "We all googled her." "New role?" "Sweetie, i didn't want to jinx it before but i think i might finally have my first speaking role." "Honey, that's wonderful." " This maybe the break i've been waiting for." " What's the movie called?" ""Hitler's kitten"" "I'm up for the part of the vet." "What a fresh idea." "And what an acting challenge for you darling." "I think i'll make a better Hitler." " Raccoon." " Again?" "I'll handle it." "Don't hurt him, you're a vet now." "Are you nuts?" "Throwing rocks on my window like that!" "You haven't phoned since our last date." "That wasn't a date, that was you eating my wife's prize specimen." "She was entering that in the cannabis cup." "Now she's got to take in some skanky stemmy schwag, probably won't even get the bronze." "I couldn't resist." "It just looked so good." "Sort of like you look right now." "I gotta go back inside." " Call tomorrow?" " Yeah i promise." " Dwight!" " Carol." "My husband's inside." "No worries, it shoudn't take long." "Carol?" "Outside with the girl guides Honey, can you believe it's that time of year again?" "Yeah, just get those chocolate cookies, i hate the vanilla ones." " And those girl guides are just plain spooky." " With you on that!" "Tim said to tell you that he's taking a trip." "Oh did he now?" "Well, till he gets back Carol, i'll be keeping an eye on you." "Sure!" "Were headed to splitsville, daddy-O." "You staying late?" "Yeah, i'm gonna check out some new blood spatter theries from Stanford..." " research." " Okay." " Gd' night Ethan." " Gd' night guys." "Thanks." "Well, you have to have ketchup." "I had a bad day." "Yeah, me too." " Defendoid?" " You like Defendoid?" "Yeah, it's like my favorite arcade game of all time!" "Whenever my dad used to lock me in the pickup truck in the casino parking lot," "I'd sneek out and cash in some empty bottles i found in the weeds and play for hours." "Care to try your luck?" "Defendoid is primal, you know it's just killed or be killed." "Totally!" "Would you make a Defendoid II?" "They introduced that lame triangle-shaped character and after that, the whole franchise began to suck." "That's so true, when the shapes all started to talk and have dialogue," " I just couldn't play anymore!" " Me neither!" "Haven't you died yet?" "Hell no!" "and just you wait till I catch a warp-speed module." "Yeah, you wish!" "You know i have an original Defendois motherboard at home." " No way!" " Yeah." "I hacked it into some algorithms I downloaded, and then one day, I'm going to rebuild the whole shebang into this ikea cupboard unit." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "It's hot in here." "It's like 74° F!" "You hate metric too?" "That's the worst." "Hi!" "I'm Ethan Jarlewski." "I work here in the jPod as the gore specialist." "Hi, i'm Bree, that's short for Brianna Marie Jyang." "Hi, i'm John Doe, which as of last week, is my true and legal name." "Hello Mr. Lefkowitz, i'm Kaitlin." "I am a fully trained character designer who is temporarly, marooned in this freakish pod of the corn..." "You know, i'm worried about Ethan too." "He seems to be losing his way." "I know, i mean that girlfriend of his." "Yeah, you seen the mess he made of your car?" "I'm going to be shampooing that out all weekend." "Still, at his age what can we do?" "I guess it could be worse right honey?" "Yes, i mean... look how long it tooks for us to find our callings." "That's true!" "If i were still building bridges i'd have jumped off one by now." "But look at us." " Let's go to bed." " Yeah." "It's just this one." "Nice digs!" "It's not mine." "The whole building's owned by offshore chinese industrialists who keep condos here as spares in case their economy melts down." "My brother manages it all." "I get free rent for turning on lights, and pulling drapes and rearranging patio furniture." "Are you fooling anyone?" "I don't think anybody's really paying attention." "Could i get you something to drink?" "Just water, I've got to flush out all the grease." " You look good for somebody who..." " lost 150 pounds?" "I don't have a problem with it." "It's nice to hear." " Cripes!" "I'm sorry" " No, it's..." "You never told me you had roommates." "I think my brother forgot to tell me something." "Transcript: bosam" "Correction:" "Nicolas Thank you!"