"The universe." "For years people have asked:" "Is there smart life out there?" "Tellus." "The planet we live on." "Luckily, some live better than others." "I agree." "Norway." "Scandinavia's posh area." "Really promising, you think, but hello, not all is well in Norway." "No, take a look at our capital." "Oslo S." "A sad city filled with immigrants, heroin addicts, left-wing politicians..." "And whores!" "But in all this trash, there is still hope." "A small place where people are still preoccupied with material values." "Smestad, in fact." "Oslo's posh area." "The best west side in the world." "The world's best west side." "Hi, I'm Tina." "I'm Bettina." "This is our video blog." "Today it's about identity." "You see, our English essay at school is about "who am I?"" "Who are I?" "Who am I?" "Denying facts?" "He, she, it am, you is, they will." "And can." "Anyway, the essay we'll write is about "who am I?"" "Not smart to think too much about." "Take the old Greek philosopher Platoon." "He asked everybody "Who am I?"" "I think it's Plato." "I know Greek." "It's Platoon." "Anyway, Platoon walked around ancient Greece, asking "Who are you, really?"" ""Where from?" "Going where?"" "Stop nagging!" "I'm going to the shop." "And luckily, the old bastard died." "Too late." "Greece kept wondering who they were." "Look at them now." "They're broke!" "What a pity." "At Smestad, we solve identity differently." "We split people by labels." "Yes, the cool, nerds, hipsters, whores, bilimics, rheumatics, hemophiles and COPD." "The labels worked really well until the day we got a new label at Smestad." "An immigrant!" "Throwing our beautiful universe off balance and tear Smestad up from the guts." "I remember it like yesterday." "First school day in 10th grade, and Tina and I were, as usual, the world's happiest girls at Smestad." "Always fresh always ready" "It's tough to live at Smestad" "Everyone knows demands are made when you are from best Smestad" "Rick my outfit pick my shoes" "I scrutinize the clothes report" "I need my yoga It gives me inner peace." "DONE!" "Pure soul pretty clothes" "It's like Beverly Hills here" "Just not so tacky here at Smestad it is classy" "But everyone can feel the smell and it's the smell of success" "Oh, smell it!" "Smestad girl livin' in a Smestad world" "You feel the flow here at Smestad." "The cash flow." "Unique smile unique style" "We say summer residence, not summer house" "We make a ranking of our friends" "It doesn't favor you if you're wearing braces" "And there is an assessment" "Based on pose, position and their financial treat" "Don't want to brag but it's a matter of fact" "We are from..." "Smestad!" "All the other places smells of Pollack" "We don't care where you live or where you are from if you're not from Smestad" "You're a loser, nerd, whore if you're not from here" "Aren't we going in?" "No, we'll be fashionably late." "I see." "So." "Yes." "Hello." "Awake already?" "Welcome." "Hello!" "Welcome to new and current students," "to Smestad junior high." "Thank you so much!" "Keeping with tradition, I now pass the baton to our student council representatives." "A warm applause to Tina and Bettina." "As council presidentine," "And vice-pres." "it is our task to inform about the new elective courses." "As you may know, Smestad is rid of the evil subject Norwegian Dialects." "Commonly called Puke Norwegian." "Or peasant-nerd Norwegian." "Or "why do you speak like in the fairytales?"" "Norwegian." "In its place are several exciting new elective courses." "One elective course is Hedge Fund Management with Trygve Hegnar." "Hello, Heggyface." "There's a new head teacher of Sewing and Textile." "It's Simen from Dudes of Norway." "Another course is Law, including How To Sue Your Teacher If She Gives You Bad Grades." "And How To Fire The Au Pair If She Won't Do Your Homework." "And the new sprint teacher." "Hello, Christina Vukocicomacovic!" "Vukicewic, I think." "Vukomacovic, everybody knows that." "Vukice" "VikiMickeyMouse-o-wic." "Read more at tina4president.no" "Or bettina4vice-pres.cum" "And thereby..." "we declare..." "that the school year..." "has started!" "Thank you so much, Tina and Bettina." "I expect that you're quite excited about meeting the new students." "Give a warm welcome to..." "Carl Rembert Von der Lippe, 9th grade." "Mille Marie..." "Incredible." "Looks like a remedy to vomit." "And finally, Synnøve Risnes, 10th grade." "Fuck!" "Which school are you from?" "I'm from Midtstuen." "Eh..." "Which bra-size are you?" "What are you doing tonight?" "Want to sleep..?" "What about tonight?" "What's your relationship-status on Facebook?" "Hey, are you a PC or Mac user?" "Do you ever cut yourself?" "Do you?" "Ever cut yourself?" "Has she heard of covering up?" "Looked cheaper than the Dollar Store." "Yes, or IKEA." "Than the discount corner at IKEA." "Yes, cheaper than T-mobile!" "Or Julie Andem's stepmother." "Real cheap!" "What fucking great legs she has." "Goddamn, you just want to..." "touch them." "Yeah, that was so extreme." "Those tits just..." "Ripped my chinos, like." "I'we got that." "Then I won't have that" "And she had nice skin." "Yes." "Can make things from that." "Bags and stuff." "Hi, everybody." "Find your places, please." "So..." "Welcome, everyone, to the new school year." "So great to see you." "Had a nice summer?" "Yes." "No." "Just imagine!" "This is your last year at junior high." "So next year it's high school and straight into the scary world of the adults." "Yes, it is incredible." "How time flies!" "Oh, yes." "Synnøve." "Welcome, Synnøve, to class 10 B." "She's in our class?" "Yes, isn't that great?" "So exciting with a new student in the class." "Which school are you from?" "Midtstuen." "Midtstuen!" "Goodness, right in West end Holmenkollåsen." "So, perhaps you know my nephew Karl-Frederik?" "He moved to Midtstuen last year." "He was in my parallel class." "We must have legal rights." "They can't just push her in..." "We had elective courses, so maybe I'm mixing them." "Yes, I see." "Synnøve, have you been given the tour of the school?" "No?" "So let's rectify that." "I suggest that the student representative shows you round." "Tina?" "Sorry, the representative is busy now." "I see." "The party committee leader" "Is busy too." "Class rep?" "I said I'm busy." "Are you lobotomized?" "Well..." "So it's the substitute rep, then." "Bettina?" "Come up and show Synnøve round?" "No, but I" "Come here and show Synnøve round!" "Bettina." "Synnøve." "Good." "Have a nice tour." "So, let's go, then." "Okay." "This isn't fair." "I have not been informed." "I'll complain to the Human Rights Court in Häagen-Dazs." "Hi, Camilla." "Hi." "This is the Hall Of Fame." "So many photos of you and..." "Tina." "I don't mean to brag, but..." "we kind of o.n the school." "So you are the most popular girls?" "Yes, you could say that." "I can see that." "You're so pretty." "You think so?" "And you look so cool." "It's kind of..." "classic urban retro-futuristic." "Yes." "You look fabulous." "Thanks." "Who's he?" "Niklas af Silverstedt, the most experienced boy here." "Experienced?" "Fingered all in 10 C." "No." "Camilla who went by." "Didn't you see how she walked?" "And Anja-Madelene, and Viktoria, and Christine, even the hated moustache-Shadra." "But that was sympathy-fingering at a charity, thinking she as from Bangladesh." "Even some in special class and our Home Ec. teacher." "No..!" "I don't believe that." "Denying the facts?" "He fingered her with a ladle." "Know how degrading it is to be ladled by a student?" "They say he mis-ladled her, so she got splinters." "But... that Niklas guy." "Is he single?" "Yes." "But don't make a pass at him, cause Tina will at the Halloween party." "Halloween party?" "Yes, Tina and I throw it." "Want to come?" "Can I?" "Yes, of course." "Thank you so much! which courses you will attend..." "Oh, there you are." "So, you'we seen the school." "It went well?" "Thanks, Bettina." "Please sit at that desk at the rear, Synnøve." "So, now we'll talk about an issue that all of us..." "What is it?" "I was told to show" "The strange body." "(WHORE)" "Welcome to Tina  Bettina's video blog." "Only 32 days until our big Halloween party." "And if you're a nerd, pay 100 dollars by Oct. 1, and you can come too." "And watch us from the garden." "As for the new girl in class, Synnøve, please do come." "To clean the crapper afterwards." "Say it to the camera." "What?" "That Synnøve is a whore." "Say it." "Say it!" "Synnøve..." "is... a..." "is... a..." "whore." "Louder." "Synnøve is a whore." "Louder." "Synnøve is a whore!" "Louder!" "Synnøve is a whore!" "Louder!" "Synnøve is a whore!" "Whore!" "My god!" "Must we do it ourselves?" "The selection just gets worse." "I know Sushi three days in a row!" "Shouldn't have changed deliverer." "And what do you think you're doing?" "Having lunch." "At a reserved table!" "Reserved for whom?" "For a mega bitch?" "But..." "Bettina Norlevo Fleischmann, what are you doing?" "Can't we just sit there?" "At a stolen table?" "It's more degrading than sitting with Sigrund Blunderfoss." "My name is Sigrund Munthe Foss, not Blunderfoss." "Coming?" "Sorry, can't Bettina decide where to sit?" "Silencio, Synnøve Risnes!" "I won't talk to an over-painted freak show." "Coming from you with a face like a 30 year old male hooker." "Look how they swarm round her like rats on a sinking corpse." "Like flies gathering in the dirt." "Her name was Synnøve Risnes, and her takeover had just begun." "First she took over the cafeteria, then swiftly the gym, on to the soccer field, spreading her legs for the A-team, the B-team, Boys 15, Boys 12, Boys 10, plus assistants, kit-washers and the rheumatic stock clerk." "Suddenly Synnøve thought she owned the entire school." "On your knees cause Synnøve's in the zone" "Shut up, no one talks to me like that Changing the game" "Ruling the throne when Oslo west is renamed the Synnøve Union" "Borrow lunch money, getting cash or VISA" "When you see me glossed out in the school rag, please!" "EXTRA EXTRA SYNNØVE RISNES IN THE ZONE" "I came, I saw, I took over Smestad got a new boss" "So fresh, Risnes nothing to dwell on" "See me working overtime as upper class kids are sleeping" "Smestad girls are so wack Cause their game is lame" "See me rock awesome features in the new Hall Of Fame" "Taking over this shit Rule the cafeteria" "Too busy to blog on the computer" "That fucking bitch will feel my words like a hammer" "If you're obedient you can be my pet" "On your knees cause Synnøve's in the zone" "Shut up, no one talks to me like that Changing the game" "Ruling the throne when Oslo west is renamed the Synnøve Union" "Taking over this shit Rule the cafeteria" "And I piss on an angry little shit like Tina" "LOL I'd laugh out loud if that bitch had died" "And if she doesn't dig it she can take it up" "Uranus." "The solar system's 7th planet is past Saturn, the ring planet." "It's lovely minus 371 Fahrenheit out here, cause it's 3 billion kilometers in..." "Synnøve!" "Just wanted to say that's a nice sweater." "If you stop talking to Tina, you can borrow it." "And it's really cold there." "The wind force is 7,5 times that of a hurricane, more than 900 km per hour..." "The big Halloween party is getting real close." "So all you maybes on Facebook, get moving!" "And we have advise on how to dress up." "The most popular outfits are:" "Witch, demon and socialist." "If you really want to be in, dress up as WHOREFACE!" "You called me, darling?" "Hi." "Hi, Ms. Astrup." "What are you doing?" "It's my room." "Mum's off, here's some party money" "Of course I want money." "Where are you going?" "Didn't I say?" "I'm off to" "You liked to be home alone?" "I liked the movie "Home Alone."" "All the bad guys and traps, tripping on the marbles." "What an unlucky mistake." "Any friends you can call?" "Who can sleep over?" "You do have friends?" "Sure, but there's no room for them all." "Sometimes it's hey, all those friends" "Here." "Take my card." "Give your friends a real birthday party." "Bye, my dear." "Bye, Bettina." "Bye, Mrs. Astrup." "Don't do what I wouldn't." "Mind your" "What?" "Nothing." "One thing." "Lock the office door." "To the bar with the expensive wines and champagne." "Sure, dad." "Safe trip." "What is she doing?" "Don't know." "Looks like she's waving." "She doesn't stop when we're not returning the wave." "Throw something at her!" "What?" "A stick or something." "Quick!" "Haven't got" "A pawing stone or a cat." "Eh?" "Cat." "Quick." "Hi." "I wondered, maybe, there'll be pizza and a movie and everything's free, so would you come to my birthday?" "Who are you, really?" "I'm Sigrund Munthe Foss." "Been in your class for 3 years now..." "Thought you seemed familiar." "So will you come?" "No, sorry." "Going on a binge." "If I give you money?" "No, sorry, Siri." "Sigrund." "Sorry, Sirgur." "My name is actually Sigrund." "Sure." "Here, have a pinch." "Thank you very much." "It was real good." "Is he looking at me now?" "No." "No?" "Is he looking at me now?" "No." "What about now?" "No." "No?" "No." "No, he isn't." "No?" "Is he looking now?" "No, Synnøve helps with his homework." "Damned Synnøve!" "Is she a member of Mensen (the Period) ?" "If you mean the IQ-club, it's Mensa." "Maybe on the east side, but here we say Mensen." "You're so clever!" "Welcome to the student council." "As you know, we now have a major immigration problem here at Smestad." "A person has come in and done whatever she wants." "I'm of course talking about Synnøve Risnes." "She's now so popular and influential that next week she'll take over the entire school." "And by month's end, she'll have spread her legs all over the west side." "From rowing clubs to tennis clubs." "We believe that all of Norway is next." "Then all of Europe." "By year end, she'll have the whole world between her legs." "And then, girls, it's all... over." "What if she throws her own Halloween party?" "She hasn't got the money." "Always borrowing lunch money." "Oh, what a loan whore!" "Why not just invite her to our party, then?" "What?" "We'd avoid the drama..." "Have you become a vacuum-head?" "Don't call me that!" "I asked a question." "Have you become a vacuum-head?" "Whose side are you on, Bettina?" "I'm on your side, but..." "It's a democracy!" "No, no." "This is no demicrity!" "I'm council presidentine, so I decide." "And now, Bettina, I decide that you SHUT UP!" "Are you starting to snivel?" "Speck in my eye." "I'll use the restroom." "Don't mind her." "She needs to air her vacuum-head." "We'll compromise with the NNOLAP-manual." "NNOLAP-manual?" "Yes." "No Nerds Or Losers At Party-manual." "We must freeze Synnøve Risnes right out of the system." "To do that, we must include all those we usually don't mingle with." "So for the Halloween-party, we'll invite the whole school, except Synnøve Risnes." "So nerds and losers are invited?" "Yes, they are." "And whores?" "Whores too!" "That's ingenious!" "Even the hated moustache-Shadra?" "Yes, even the hated moustache-Shadra, too!" "Everyone except Synnøve!" "Bettina?" "What is it?" "We had a quarrel, and I got something in my eye." "Here you are." "Thank you." "I know it's none of my business, but..." "It seems to me that Tina is quite..." "bossy." "A little bit, maybe." "I really like you." "You're sweet and cool." "I just think Tina is..." "incredibly mean to you." "Hey, I know how we can make you feel better." "What?" "Make-over!" "Okay." "What?" "What is it?" "I wish I was as pretty as you." "Stop it." "You're much prettier." "No..." "Yes, you are!" "You're really pretty." "Know how pretty you" "You are so pretty!" "But I'we barely got boobs, and boys really like that." "Thinking of anyone special?" "No..." "Not really." "I see how you look at Niklas." "But Tina decided" "You have to stop caring about what Tina says and thinks all the time." "All you need is a little..." "upgrade." "Plastic surgery?" "Dad won't let me until I'm 18." "So cheat a little." "Niklas will come fawning." "Unbutton." "It'll be fine." "Relax." "Check it out." "There!" "What if anyone finds out?" "It's our little secret." "You're so hot!" "Hi." "Want to come to my birthday Saturday?" "Sorry, want to come to..." "come to my birthday?" "Would you like to come to a birthday Saturday?" "Welcome to Saturday's Halloween party." "Everyone's invited." "You too, four-eyes." "Too bad your party's Saturday." "It's my birthday." "No, Halloween is tradition, so you have to turn 15 next year." "Always having to cancel my birthday due to Halloween is a bummer." "We've planned the party for 2 months." "I didn't know." "But do you know" "Don't make sounds at me." "Cancel your party Saturday." "You can't stop me." "I'll turn 15 no matter what!" "Welcome to the Halloween party." "Welcome." "Nerds and whores too." "Welcome to the party." "Welcome to the party." "Welcome to the party." "Welcome." "Welcome to..." "What happened to you?" "What?" "What?" "You're suddenly" "Eaten sister's birth-control pills again?" "Want help with your flyers?" "Yeah, yeah." "Welcome!" "The year's coolest party!" "Gosh." ""Crying in the restroom"-day?" "Wanna come to my birthday?" "No." "Ask somebody else." "I'we asked everybody, they say no." "I'm not popular at all." "And I have no friends." "All I have is a large, empty, stupid villa." "And dad's credit card." "You want to be popular?" "More than anything, really." "You know what?" "I want to help you." "I'll help you make the coolest party, making you the most popular girl at all of Smestad." "Are you serious?" "Yes, as serious as Top Model." "Oh, that sounded really serious!" "So..." "So we're friends?" "Sure, why not?" "Then you're my best friend." "Now we're best friends It's quite incredible" "You'll never be alone again Just rest assured" "We share sweets and ice In our own paradise" "We share our dolls and our secrets" "You don't call me fatty You use my real name" "We read each other's thoughts I love you too" "Cause now we're best friends the rest of our lives here" "You are mine and I am yours" "We are Best Friends Forever" "People ask: who's Sigrund, who's Synnøve?" "We just laugh and say" "Call us what you want, but no one can change" "That I'm everything to you" "Cause I heart Justin Bieber and you" "And I know it's mutual" "Cause you think just like me" "We'll get our periods at the same time" "There is a bond between you and me that never breaks Only you understand me" "I understand you" "We're Best Friends Forever" "Some people refuse to die." "Like Gustav Johannes' grandpa." "He survived the war, the traitors' reckoning and the swine flu." "He was over 110 years." "People were floored when they met him." ""Are you still alive?" "Take a hint!"" "He just wouldn't give up." "Neither did Synnøve Risnes." "She squeezed the last drops of life's joy out of our beloved Smestad." "This is so scary." "Almost scarier than "The Ring"." "Almost scarier than Brooklyn." "Look. "I'm from Queens." -"And I'm from Harlem."" "What's this?" "No idea." "Have you ordered?" "No." "Just put it in there." "What is this?" "We're decorating for Synnøve's Allhells Eve." "Synnøve's Allhells Eve?" "Yes." "And my birthday." "Hot costume." "Had to search the wardrobe to find the Eastern Bloc slut outfit?" "Sharply observed." "What's with you?" "Did you bleed through?" "Oh, you're not menstruating yet?" "You've gone too far this time." "What are you doing?" "I'm marking a border." "E and W?" "What does that mean?" "E W. East and West." "We're Smestad west, you're Smestad east." "Why are we east?" "Immigrants come from the east." "Nobody will attend your immigrant party." "Except those who like Madcon." "Madcon!" "Madcon, oh!" "Madcon?" "Yes, the two rappers." "Tshawe and Yosef." "They'll perform at our party." "Liar, liar, Mace in your eyes!" "It's a shame you can't cross Tina's border." "If you could, you'd be welcome." "Tina could come, too." "And watch from the garden." "So go to the Madcon party if you want to be traitorous Quisling whores." "Or stay at Smestad west at the world's best party." "If you cross, there's no return." "She has rats in her cellar." "No!" "Bettina, you can come too." "Can I?" "Hello!" "You're my best friend, have you forgotten?" "You could come too." "Bettina, don't!" "You must choose Synnøve Risnes or me." "No, I want to be friends with both." "You can't." "Choose between your BFF or an immigrant from the slums." "I'm from Midtstuen." "Midtstuen, Shitstuen, Piercing-In-The-Clit-stuen." "Bettina?" "Are you coming?" "What happened out there, Bettina, I never want to see again." "You were afraid I'd go to Synnøve's party and become her BFF?" "Yes." "And that she would exploit you, Bettina." "Then ditch you, and you'd be sniveling and sniveling." "You're jealous and afraid to lose control." "No." "I know how painful it is to be ditched." "You do?" "Yes." "I'we experienced ditching." "How?" "Once, a long, long time ago," "I was a friend of Sigrund Blunderfoss." "I'm not proud of that today." "But we were actually..." "best friends in kindergarten." "But in elementary school, where I grew more thoughtful," "I realized she is NFL." "Eh?" "Nerd For Life." "And everyone associated with her would be branded NFL." "When we met, I saw you ere way cooler than her." "I knew I had to do something." "So I ditched her, and became your friend instead." "But you haven't experienced ditching." "Yes." "I saw her pain when I ditched her." "And froze her out." "And had people call her Blunderfoss and four-eyed loser." "And all." "So if you become friends with Synnøve, and she ditches you, then you have nobody, Bettina." "Then you're L O L." "Loser Of Life." "But then you're no better than Synnøve." "Ixcuse me?" "You're forgiven." "No, ixcuse like in ixcuse me, what's your problem?" "You're my problem." "Always bullying and controlling and speaking ill of people." "You're a phony!" "I'm a phony?" "Coming from you, who've changed your image to a 24 hour McSlut." "Better than being a psycho nobody likes." "Liar, liar, dirty gypsy." "They all like me." "No, they don't." "People are just scared of you, afraid to be frozen out." "So they fawn over you, but they're really badmouthing you." "Don't!" "That's the worst you can say to a fellow man." "Say "Ixcuse me"." "No." "Newer!" "Say "Ixcuse me"." "No." "Bettina Norlevo Fleischmann!" "What's that in your bra?" "Nothing." "No, don't!" "You stuffed your bra?" "Wowsers, I'll put that on the blog!" "Don't do that!" "Everyone at school will know it!" "I didn't mean to." "Get out!" "Get out!" "Tina!" "I never want to see you again." "SYNNØVE'S ALLHELLS EVE." "Check that house!" "Hi." "Hi, so you came?" "Come here." "You look so nice." "Thanks." "What happened?" "Did you quarrel?" "Yes, maybe a little." "Why bother being her friend?" "Why no costume, Sigrund?" "She thought we'd celebrate her birthday." "On Halloween." "I thought it'd be my birthday party." "And she hasn't got any booze." "No booze?" "What's the big deal with the drinking?" "Denying the facts?" "That's the key thing." "We've lots of soda and Coca Cola." "No shit?" "Cola?" "Gran's cola." "And RC and Coca Cola" "Fuck that!" "You need booze for your guests." "Don't you see?" "Doesn't your dad have a bar?" "But I'm not allowed" "Wanna be popular or not?" "Dad has a wine cellar." "Real easy to remember." "Shit!" "Wow!" "This is our big robbery!" "Oh!" "Martini, my favorite!" "Check this out!" "It's marked." "Can't drink that, or I'll be grounded." "No problem." "I know a trick." "The world's oldest trick at home alone-parties" "Diluting without a trace?" "I'm the champion" "The bottle has to be as full as it is now" "And I'll be as drunk as the bottle is full" "Mix water with booze mix in, mix out, mixer is the key" "I'll be shitfaced Thanks to your dad" "Naive, old man." "One code?" "Thank yourself, please" "You're swindled like a tourist on a taxi trip in Greece" "It's a breach of trust" "What?" "He's like all dads" "He doesn't trust you He deserves what's coming" "Mix water with booze mix in, mix out, mixer is the key" "I'll be shitfaced Thanks to your dad" "A very small reduction in the proof is felt by no one" "We'll dilute some vintage wine with vintage tap water" "Hey, water into wine What an illusionist!" "Me and David Copperfield and Jesus." "You a Christian?" "Mix water with booze mix in, mix out, mixer is the key" "I'll be shitfaced Thanks to your dad" "There's loads of booze here Is your father having problems?" "We'll do the lush a favor It's more than he deserves" "Or is your mother drinking secretly at daytime?" "No, she..." "Admit it!" "So she can be committed" "Mix water with booze mix in, mix out, mixer is the key" "I'll be shitfaced Thanks to your dad" "Thanks, dad." "Are you OK, Sigrund?" "I think I fell down." "You'll be fine." "Let's take that off." "And then... put this on." "Like this." "No. you're cool." "The center of attention." "Can't have a patch, I need my glasses." "You don't need to see." "We'll style you so you'll look like a really cool pirate." "A real pirate?" "It'll be great." "It's scary." "Just close your eyes." "Hi, dad." "Hi, dear." "So, enjoying a nice pizza birthday?" "Pizza, movie and good friends, you know." "Total control of the bar and everything?" "Yepsi-Pepsi." "Anything else?" "Yes, one thing." "I ran into Sigrund's dad." "He says she's also throwing a party." "So why not invite her and the guests over to a crazy" "Hello!" "I won't invite her to my supercool party." "It's like you messing with her nerdy dad, Rofl." "Rolf?" "Rofl." "Rolling on the floor losing." "A loser like his daughter Sigrund Blunderfoss." "That's not nice." "It's Munthe Foss." "You're not nice." "Nice if you and Tina were friends." "Lookin' good?" "Great!" "What?" "I talked to my friends." "Buy Toblerone at the airport." "OK, have a wild party onwards, and say hi to Bettina." "Go to hell, old wreck." "Yes, OK." "Lowe you too." "Lowe you too." "When are you coming" "Oh, that girl brings me back in time." "Coming...?" "But...?" "Pity we didn't have as many parties." "Oh, but we did!" "Didrik had a party every weekend." "He did?" "I never heard." "Because you were a supernerd." "No, I wasn't." "Denying the facts?" "Yes, I do." "I should have known better" "Than to bitch against a best friend like you" "Yes, I should have known better" "Than to hurt you, my best childhood friend." "How could I be such a nerd?" "Bettina, can you forgive me?" "Perhaps I've taken you for granted" "But to join Synnøve, who is a real shit" "That makes me mad" "Cause you know" "I've never had a better friend than you" "Never thought we'd go our separate ways" "It's hurting me" "Yes, she should have known better" "Than to ruin our entire friendship" "Yes, I should have known better" "The next video blog will be from a crisis center" "How could I be such a nerd?" "Bettina, can you forgive me?" "She should have known better" "She should have known better" "She should have known better" "I should have known better" "OK, are we ready for Madcon?" "Is there a party at Smestad west?" "Party at Smestad west?" "Is there a party at Smestad west?" "Party at Smestad west?" "Oops, what happened?" "Cut my hair." "Pirate's cut." "It's really trendy now." "Haven't heard of it?" "You're such a loser!" "The pirate look is so great." "Didn't think she could look worse, but damn, she's ugly now!" "Like she grew up on the east side." "She gave you her dad's credit card to throw the party?" "Yes, she thought she'd be popular." "And that we were "friends"." "But you're not?" "I'm ditching her." "Can't be seen with her." "Poor loser!" "How brain damaged can she be?" "I'll get the glory for hawing thrown the best party ever." "Sweet." "Can't let her hair be like that." "Too late now." "Let's put a cap on her." "Relax, Bettina." "It's not funny anymore." "So stay here and be bored." "We'll chat up some boys." "Yes." "Hey!" "Bettina!" "Hi, Niklas." "Are you..." "Are you thirsty, or what?" "Yes, sure." "You're... so nimble-fingered." "Yes." "I know..." "I do much more advanced stuff with that finger." "To put it like that." "Have a sip." "But you know, Bettina, I think that you are so goddamned cute." "You think so?" "Yes." "And with... such cute..." "hair." "And... with such sweet eyes." "And those beautiful little lips, and such an... elegant cape." "Thank you." "So I'm wondering if we could..." "perhaps go up and find ourselves a little room?" "I don't know." "ERASE PHOTO" "CONFIRM" "I'm from Midtstuen." "In West end Holmenkollåsen." "Midtstuen, my ass." "Just so we could have a little chat, you and I." "Talk about what?" "Well, we could talk a little about you and me and me and you..." "OK, but just to talk." "Yes, yes, sure, just to talk a little." "What is it?" "You're exposed." "I know about your secret." "What are you saying?" "They didn't know you're from the east side." "Anyone knows who this is?" "Who knows this freak?" "I found hard evidence on Facebook proving that you're from Stovner." "Who are you?" "Yes, who the fuck are you?" "Sigrund Munthe Foss." "I live here, Tshawe." "Sigurd..." "Sigrund!" "Go home." "Nobody knows you." "She's lied to you." "She's not from Midtstuen." "Nobody knows who you are." "Go home." "Go home!" "Go home!" "..." "Hey, hey!" "A party or a catfight?" "It's my birthday." "Fucking loser." "Hey, come here!" "Let's get it on!" "Sigrund has a nice room." "Yes, it's... it's snygt (nice)." "Snygt" "It's funny how things sound better in Swedish than in Norwegian." " Snygt sounds nicer than fint." "Yes." "Everything sounds a little..." "more beautiful in..." "Swedish." "For example, do you know what we..." "what we call these?" "Sko?" "Dojer." "Dojer." "I see." "Know what we call... these?" "Brallor." "Cool." "And what do you call this?" "Pute." "Pute." "In Swedish we say..." "kudde." "Kudde." "Kudde." "Kudde." "Won't you..." "Won't you come over and sit on the..." "kudde." "Hi." "Got room for me at your party?" "Don't worry." "Remember in kindergarten when we put make-up on Hanna Thorsen?" "Used indelible pen as mascara?" "Remember we were always on our trikes, and you fell over down that hill." "Behind the handball pitch." "Yes." "And I had a concussion." "And you laid me on the trike and wheeled me back to the kindergarten." "Yes." "If you hadn't been there, I could have become multi-handicapped." "What a cliché, me in a wheelchair for life." "I just did what one does for a girlfriend." "This isn't talking." "This isn't talking." "No, we'll talk later." "Stop, it tickles." "Yes, it tickles in my willie." "Don't do that!" "What are you doing?" "No, that..." "Hey, relax, I knew they weren't for real." "You did?" "Yes." "Synnøve told me before I fingered her in the swing down in the park." "Have you and Synnøve...?" "She told you about me?" "That you're insecure, so she had to help you with your hang-up." "We laughed at you while I fingered her." "I don't believe you." "She's my friend." "Friend?" "Yes?" "We bet money on if I could get you to bed." "No." "Yes, so if that's what friends do..." "So how can I open this corset?" "No, don't do it." "I don't want to." "No!" "Difficult straps..." "No means no!" "No!" "I planned to finger you gently and softly, but you want to bring out the wolf in me." "And you know, the wolf doesn't finger." "It pa.s!" "Stop!" "No!" "Nerd!" "No!" "Stop, I can't see." "I'm closed in into my own costume." "Did you get some?" "Whore!" "What is it?" "I hate you!" "What's up?" "It turned a bit silly, cause" "You know what you have to do?" "No." "Can't be done." "I drew the line." "But you two are" "No." "If you don't, you'll really regret it." "Maybe..." "I could..." "Go out and say..." "hi." "No... invitation, but just..." "a cold, formal hi." "Then, quite formally, I can ask her how she's doing, and she'll say not to good, I'll say I can see that, and she asks me and I'll say not to good either." "And maybe we..." "Then she'll suddenly call me a whore, and I'll say that she's the whore and she'll say I'm the whore, and it'll escalate and we'll quarrel and fight and no, I can't." "If that doesn't happen?" "If you become friends again?" "Maybe it's your turn to help a friend who fell from her bike and got hurt?" "Hi." "Hi." "Wasn't Synnøve's party that much fun?" "No, it wasn't very cool." "No." "And she was just as deceitful as you said." "That's what I feared." "But Tina..." "Yes." "I just wanted to tell you that..." "That...?" "That you slept with Niklas, who Tina is in love with?" "Is it true?" "No, he hit on me and tried to force-paw me." "I hit him in the head with a bottle." "No, don't listen to her." "Well, it was like this." "It was you." "Who... who..." "you hit on me." "And you hit me in the head so that I..." "Would faint so that you could..." "feel my body." "But you knew that I was..." "You... you..." "Whore." "Everyone knows you're a deceitful slut." "Everybody hates you." "Tina hates you, I hate you." "Niklas, even the hated moustache-Shadra hates you." "I hate you." "You little traitor." "But... you can't just push Bettina." "Yes, I can." "She deserves it." "She tags along, and now stabs you in the back." "It's not true, don't listen to her." "Forget her." "Come to my party." "She fucked up, but you're still on." "On?" "To what?" "Ditch the loser and rule the west side." "The west side?" "Make up your mind." "You... can burn in hell, you little... stained..." "WHOOORE!" "Hose her down!" "Stop!" "You're a real pirate now?" "A real pirate with a real blunderbuss." "It could be loaded!" "Sigrund, take it easy now." "You take it easy, Synnøve Risnes." "And now this party is over." "Get out of my house!" "Know what happened then?" "What happened then?" "It went crazy, like Daniel Franck's Diary." "Anne Frank's Diary." "Yes." "People threw grenades!" "The war over our privileged civilization had begun." "Our peaceful neighborhood changed into a battlefield making the Vietnam War seem like a pillow fight among muscle-weak." "Traitor!" "The best west front ever forced our enemies to their knees and doggy style." "Say hello to my little friend!" "Get some!" "Huh?" "What's up?" "Brallor." "Kudde." "The wolf had fingered his last lamb." "I didn't shoot his finger off." "Sure, and I hit the head." "Hasta la vista, motha-fista!" "Please!" "It's my birthday." "I don't give a shit." "Beep-beep!" "Luckily, I saved her." "But no one could have predicted what happened next." "Like a troll in a Guccibag" "Synnøve Risnes rose up like a monster, more hideous than a footballer's wife from failed surgery in Lithuania." "I was forced to retreat, and lost my shield." "I got caught in barbed wire." "Nobody could save me." "I was surrounded by enemies." "No!" "The monster put its clammy hands around my young throat." "There was no hope." "My life ebbed out." "Farewell, my beloved Smestad." "You're overdoing it." "Synnøve didn't turn into a monster." "Denying the facts?" "Everybody saw it, and the school newspaper wrote they shot at each other with guns." "Yes, with water guns." "Water guns, schmater guns." "Regardless, Synnøve ruined Halloween." "Sorry." "It's not easy being new at a school, not knowing anybody." "No friends, and just because everybody thought I was hot..." "So..." "I want to be liked for who I am, not because I'm very, very pretty." "And now I've ruined everything, Halloween and... everybody hates me." "Everybody doesn't hate you." "Most do, but not everybody." "Ruined Halloween?" "In 100 years, some of it is forgotten." "But I'we been a real jerk." "And wrote MEGABITCH on your photo." "Yes, but..." "I'd do the same in your situation." "You would?" "I'd written something much worse." "I'd surely written..." "slut." "spread 'em sneak..." "rub a crotch... mattress... common hole... monkey wanker..." "dog spanker..." "Well, I would." "Yes, yes." "That's not what's important, Synnøve." "Who cares if somebody calls someone megabitch?" "It's not what's important in life." "No." "What's important..." "is that us girls take care of each other during our brief time here at junior high." "If someone acts stupid and... falls out with the one they like most in all the world, they must do whatever they can to become best friends again." "Yes." "That's what's important." "Not how one looks or doesn't look." "The key is to stand for hat you are." "I agree." "Nobody cares that you lied, and really are from east side's Stovner." "Big deal!" "What?" "Stow... ner?" "Well..." "I didn't mean to, I... was too embarrassed to tell, but now that we're friends..." "Can't say Midtstuen, and suddenly you're from..." "Stuh..." "Stjou..." "Stow..." "Staw Stew..." "Stowner." "Do you realize how phony, lying and shallow you are?" "Do you realize how degrading it is if anyone finds out we have a friend from Stowner?" "We'll never be invited to a rococo ball again." "You've dragged your Eastern Bloc needle mentality here to posh Smestad west." "Next you'll bring Medicaid." "You're the worst person I've met." "Rotten to the core, but look nice." "Worse than Hitler." "Than Stalin." "Worse than Chaplin." "You're phony." "Stained." "Deceitful." "Very stained." "And you look like..." "We learnt something important that night." "That all people are of equal worth." "Almost" "Even if you're ashamed, embarrassed or insecure, there is a limit to what can be tolerated among friends." "And while she wouldn't admit it, Synnøve understood it too." "So I think she was relieved when her parents decided to move back east end" "Sigrund has become one of our very best friends." "Hi." "She knows that to be a good friend, one has to give." "So she's doing our homework when we're blogging." "And she joins our weekend parties." "For a charge." "Incredibly, people meet across different labels." "Sigrund's dad Rofl is a nerd, and Tina's mum a golddigger." "No. they're together." "Look." "Oh, so cute!" "They're old, not knowing they will soon die." "This is our essay conclusion." "Take notes, Sigrund." "It doesn't matter who you are at junior high." "You'll correct your mistakes later in life." "Even if you're a loser, nerd or a whore." "Well, no, whore can not be corrected." "Remember Louise Anderson, Rasmus'grandma?" "The biggest slut at Smestad in the 60's, the state refused to give her a pension." "No pension, cause you spread your legs in your youth." "Wasn't it because she'd never worked?" "No, because she was a slut." "So it's fair, then." "In the 60's, everybody did her." "The speed skater Hjallis," "Leif Juster did her, and even the banjoist Øystein Sunde." "Wow, he has the fastest fingers." "Once he fingered 300 at a concert." "No.W" "Yes!" "While playing banjo." "Finger me down there, Tom Dooley." "Roll credits!" "Bye!" "Bye.W"