"Itsuki" "This man's name is Tajjhei Itsuki" "In a single generation he's built a construction firm with close to 1,000 employees" "This is his story" "He's leaving today for a two month trip to Europe" "It's for leisure rather than work" "Accompanying him was just one of the younger staff he rather liked" "A man called Funazu" "Shacho, your daughter's here." "What's going on?" "She wants to see you off like this I expect!" "Kinuko, do you have something to tell me?" "No" "No, but..." "I think I may be pregnant" "That's good news isn't it." "You've been to the doctor?" "No, not yet." "Please go straight away and get a check up and look after yourself properly." "It would be nice to have a boy this time!" "What do you mean, this time?" "This is my first child!" "Aiko has a girl" "I just mean I'd like you to have a boy for me" "But, to be honest, I don't really want a kid." "You mustn't say that." "If you have kids the earlier the better!" "Maybe you're right." "Well, bye!" "He felt alone" "He would be all alone in the world." "The thought surprised and gripped him." "Since the death of his wife" "He'd seen his two daughters marry and they were now rather estranged" "Now it was him, just him." "Here we are at last!" "It's really is Paris!" "France!" "What are you going on about?" "Well, it's the third time for you but the first for me!" "This is PARIS!" "This was where he had stayed before an old hotel, unique" "which was famous for being relaxing." "And known for it's high level of personalised service despite it's size." "But it was not very modern" "It was in great contrast to some American style hotel!" "It was distinctive." "His room was on the 3rd floor... or rather the 4th floor in Japanese thinking." "It was a little bit dark but the room itself was bright and cheerful" "The windows looked out across the Rue de Rivoli towards the Tuilleries" "Last time he had been here he had seen children playing, happy in the Spring sunshine." "Now it was urban:" "all wet and grey." "Winter had already begun." "Mr Itsuki, shouldn't I be with you?" "No, don't trouble yourself." "If I want to go out somewhere I will." "I see." "You seem rather tired." "4 days in the hotel is not like you!" "I've never seen you this knackered before" "I'm not 'knackered'" "Excuse me, I shouldn't have said that!" "Your English and your French are both quite good but, be careful what you say in Japanese!" "I'm sorry." "I was rude." "I'll have you know I am not 'knackered' , nor lying flat out in my room!" "I'm taking strolls around here after you go out!" "By the way, where did you go today?" "I started by climbing the tower in the Place de Bastille" "Height 52 metres, 238 steps!" "It was a hard climb!" "You're always going upwards, like smoke!" "climbing a high place every day!" "First the Eiffel Tower, then le Sacre Coeur." "Yesterday, Notre Dame wasn't it?" "It's a bit much to be treated like an idiot!" "It's good to get a high vantage point and compare what you see with the map" "Tomorrow I'll climb the Arc de Triomphe." "Then I'll have done the best five sights!" "Wonderful isn't it!" "Yes, it is." "That's Paris - urban planning!" "If you climb up to a vantage point it makes it interesting." "A lot of Japanese people come here and see this but don't really get much out of the experience, it makes me angry!" "It's not that they don't have the chance back in Tokyo either." "This is the Champs-Élysées isn't it." "Shall we go down and walk along it?" "OK" "It's apparently easy to walk right down from the Arc de Triomphe" "It's slightly downhill" "The poet Villon was apparently imprisoned here." "Quite a mansion!" "It's more like a city hall!" "That's (Rodin's statue of) the Thinker, isn't it?" "It's amazing he (Ishiki) thought!" "He was impressed by Rodin and felt completely overwhelmed." "So this was how a sculptor had to view the body!" "In these pieces the sculptor had represented all the forms of the female body: it was amazing!" "Rodin is a true sculptor." "Although what does an amateur like me know!" "I just know these sculptures are the real thing." "It takes an architect to know architecture and a banker to know banking." "I'm no good for this." "I have always worked at my own field and it was stupidly simple." "I didn't want the money;" "I wanted to work." "You've always done more than enough work." "Really?" "Actually I haven't." "Yes, but everyone says that." "You couldn't have done more!" "I think that woman's Japanese!" "She doesn't look like a tourist though." "I wonder if she works for one of the trading companies here." "She looks rather elegant." "I wonder how old she is?" "I'm not sure." "Perhaps 24 or 25?" "Older than that surely?" "Maybe 30?" "Perhaps 32 or 33." "She looked like she was going to talk to you." "But she walked off." "She was quite pretty!" "A bit short maybe!" "Really?" "I thought she was rather tall!" "Perhaps you're right!" "He encountered a woman walking past." "And that this man should be talking about the woman is peculiar when you think about it." "But the woman had something about her that encouraged it." "A few days later" "Itsuki was in a car sent by another company and went to see the famous Cathedral at Chartres." "because there were three other passengers" "Funzau decided not to go." "Yes?" "It didn't take you long!" " How was it?" " Beautiful!" "You should go!" "You've seen Notre Dame's stained glass, but that's nothing in comparison!" "Really?" "That's great." "I'd like to go and see it." "Actually I just saw that woman from the other day." "Which woman?" "The woman who walked past us at the Rodin museum: remember?" "We talked about whether she was tall or short." "Oh yes." "Where did you meet her?" " The park across the way!" " When?" "Just now!" "I wanted to have a look at it." "It's quite a good park." "Have you been there?" "No." "You should go next time you're out for a walk" "Well, what happened?" "This time I walked past her again, she's married!" "At least I'm pretty sure." "She was walking with a kid and someone who seemed to be a servant." "Maybe her kid I think." "She's not at the age to be pushing a pram." "She was out for a walk." "I think she's still in the park." "If the kid walking ahead of her was hers... she was getting the kid out for some fresh air." "Itsuki decided to go and have a look." "If she was still there he'd try to meet her." "As I thought!" "She's with a kid." "Let's go back." "Aren't we better off going straight?" "You're heading back to the hotel?" "No, let's keep going." "It's nice to be able to do that..." "Do what?" "Just doing what she's doing!" "Standing next to your kid playing and knitting!" "Eh?" "Oh, you mean the woman we saw in the park just now?" "Yes" "You seem quite moved by it!" "I agree!" "Was she that pretty?" "A nice enough face I suppose." "I'm not saying she was pretty, I'm saying it was nice!" "Women who knit..." " They're all good!" " Really?" "I've always found women wearing mourning beautiful..." "Knitwear is not bad either!" "Wearing mourning is how they try to purge the way they feel..." "That's what's good about it." "You can see that intent." "That's why they look so smartly dressed, and so tense." "But that woman has lost that will, judging from her face." "Her face is blank." "She just looks quiet, calm... determined." "The dirtiness in a foreign country makes you feel miserable" "Perhaps so." "Mr Itsuki?" "...." "What is it?" "Has something happened?" "That woman - do you think she's happy?" "Unhappy?" " I wonder!" "Itsuki and Funazu left on a ten day trip to Spain" "They went south from Madrid on the train to Granada." "Known for the Alhambra palace built by an Arab king had been something Itsuki had been looking forward to ever since he had planned the trip." "The 170 kilometres between Granada and Cordoba was the great olive growing area." "Itsuki was delighted with it." "The vast mosque was almost untouched" "Everything else was less worth seeing in comparison" "But it was amongst the quietest of European cities." "The streets were a maze and the whole town felt like it had slipped back in time." "It had an especially old atmosphere." "Itsuki spent two days enjoying just walking with Funazu" "Late on the evening of their second day in Seville the two of them went to a bar in the poorer part of town" "But Funazu could not help him, this Itsuki who he had never seen so exhausted." "His firepower was utterly spent!" "And he seemed utterly exhausted." "Seemed so fragile." "Itsuki would fall down with the slightest touch" ""You're exhausted!"" "Funzau thought to himself." "When they came back to Paris" "Itsuki slept for three days." "He didn't have a fever" "He was just tremendously tired." "He slept almost every day 7 or 8 hours" "All night I imagined Arabic patterns gleaming on the walls!" "When you've recovered we'll go to Berlin and then to London" "Then come back to Paris." "Then... how about Rome?" "The flight bookings we have make that easy." " That's probably best then." " Yes." "OK." "Please arrange it." "After that I'd like a couple of days." "It doesn't matter where" "OK." "Actually the office here said they are preparing some event for you." "They've asked me to let them know the best dates." " When would you like it to be?" " Whenever." "You decide for me." "It had better be after London or else there's not enough time." "There's shopping to be done, a few unseen places to visit." "Lots of little jobs too." "If it's OK with you let's get the Berlin job sorted our before London" ""Sorting it out"" "isn't necessarily just a simple formality." "The place and the people have to be considered." "They're making a real effort to do something for me." "We mustn't undervalue it!" "Sorry." "But I think doing as you suggested is right." "Today or tomorrow afternoon are OK for the local office then." "I'll let them know." "There are lots of people already there:" "we should go in." "Have you got a cigarette?" "Mr Itsuki!" "Have you lost some weight?" "Does it seem so?" "Actually, now you mention it, I think you're right." "The hard work of all this new business!" "I've realised I can't compete with what you say!" "We thought you might prefer Japanese food." "But the rice isn't good!" "Don't worry." "I may not be able to eat properly but I can still enjoy looking at it!" "and, speaking of eyes, I just saw a very beautiful Japanese woman." "So I'm delighted you invited me here!" " That must be Madame Marcelin." " Madame Marcelin?" "She's married to the well-known and very wealthy Pierre Marcelin." "There's some large event going on" "I've seen lots of women very elegantly dressed and made up." "Is she well known then?" "Well, her husband is one of the most outstanding and richest men in Europe!" "She's got in there as the legal wife!" "Not surprisingly others may complain!" "I've spoken with her and she seems pretty intelligent." "She may well be." "She was clever enough to seduce Pierre Marcelin!" "Do you know her personally?" "I wonder if we'll have a chance to talk to her?" "She clams up when she sees you're Japanese!" "She's tactful!" "Apart from by Mr Toyoshima, who was a little bit of a fan," "Madame Marcelin was felt to be a bit stuck up." "Both her personality and her background were criticised." "But as far as he had heard, nobody here really knew much about her." "After dinner they went to the bar for a cognac." "Itsuki liked to drink." "and had always drank whenever and whatever he wanted" "But he really didn't feel like it tonight." "This was unusual." "What's up?" "It doesn't suit you being teetotal!" "Don't worry Yajima, I'm having some." "The smell made him faintly nauseous." "He said he was tired and slept heavily." "He followed the conversation but from a distance." "I'm not myself today!" "I must be tired." "He felt slightly nauseous and then, a slight pain somewhere in his lower belly." "Itsuki wanted to escape to the toilet." "But he realised he couldn't stand up." "He thought he might be able to force himself to stand but was reluctant to risk it." "And he stayed sitting, his body trying to defend itself." "You seem unwell." "Yeah." "I feel slightly sick." "I hope it'll pass off." "Is this from when we first went out?" "Since I was in the Ritz's restaurant!" "Shall I call a doctor?" "It's not that bad." "Where and what kind of pain?" "I had... a brief moment of pain a while back but" "Now it's gone." "Maybe something you ate?" "It started before I ate." "There was some pain in my lower belly." "It's like the appendix." "But mine was taken out!" "I think I should call a doctor." "Will a doctor come, like they do in Japan?" "If I ask the reception desk I'm sure they can get someone to come." "It's too much bother." "It'll be fine." "I'll just stay like this for a bit." "The pain in my belly isn't so bad if I do this." "I don't need a doctor." "If the pain doesn't go" "I'll see a doctor." "I really do think I should call a doctor!" "You really do want to call a doctor, don't you!" "You have strange hobbies!" "It's not a hobby!" "I think you should let the doctor take a look at you." "I really do." "Why?" "It's hard to explain but..." "I just think I should!" "Aren't you getting into what's not your business?" "Enough!" "How about seeing a doctor in the morning?" "It's not worth the bother." "I'll book an appointment for tomorrow!" "OK?" "Did I say it was OK?" "Stop fussing as if you were my wife!" "I just want you to see the doctor." "That's why I said you have strange hobbies!" "Why?" "You've lost a bit of weight." "That's hardly surprising, is it?" "I've not had anything much to eat since we've been here!" "Not having proper rice and no sushi is the cause!" "I'm actually doing well to survive!" "You keep saying you're tired." "That troubles me!" " Do I say it that much?" " You do!" "You say it every day and it was twice today!" "Are you counting?" "No, I I'm not counting but..." "Well I am a bit tired." "It's only you who can do all this overseas stuff and not get tired." "Anyway, if it'll make you happy" "I will see a doctor." "But I'd like a woman doctor." "A woman doctor?" "But not an old one!" "A young woman doctor is best." "Young and pretty." "OK I'll see what I can do!" "I didn't say pretty, don't get cheeky!" "and slim rather than fat please!" "Do your best, and if possible someone like Madame Marcelin!" "See you tomorrow." "Call me if you need anything." "If I need you if will, and you needn't remind me!" "Of course, Sir, Goodnight." "I won't be beaten... by this illness" "When Itsuki awoke next morning he was feeling cheerful." "Last night he'd been so worried about his condition that he couldn't sleep." "This was very unusual for him." "Good morning!" "How are you feeling this morning?" "Don't treat me like I'm sick again!" "I feel fine in both mind and body!" "You do seem well!" "Yes, last night feels like a distant memory!" "You need to be at the doctor's for ten o'clock." "I spoke with Mr Yashima." "It's all straightforward." "He knows someone at the hospital." "Eh?" "You've already set it up?" "Yes, we need to be there by ten." "Thank you, I suppose!" "But this morning there seems nothing wrong with me." "No nausea, no pain, I don't feel tired... and I'm hungry!" "It was the hunger that woke me this morning!" "That's excellent news." "But until they've had a look at you you can't be completely sure." "Even if I'm feeling fine?" "Well I've already set it up and..." "Can't you cancel it?" "I think Yashima went to a lot of trouble so it's difficult to cancel." " You were a bit too quick of the mark, as usual!" " I'm sorry." "And I didn't ask you to do it before I got up!" "I'm not going to the doctor." "But..." "What do you expect?" "There's nothing wrong with me!" "It's a waste of the doctor's time." "Don't worry about that." "It's just a quick check up and I'd really like you to go..." "The hospital is within walking distance." " I don't want to walk." " Well of course we can go by car..." "What the hell is the place called?" "The Tous Sante (?" ")." "It has a good reputation as a general hospital." "But there's also the Hospital Hotel de Dieu..." "Tous Sante?" "I don't like the name!" "I don't like it!" "But that's where Yashima knows someone, a Japanese researcher." "Actually the guy isn't a research student." "but a proper doctor called Shiroazaki here doing research." "OK." "I'll let him take a look at me." "Actually he's managed to get the head of surgery to take a look at you." "A surgeon?" "Yes..." "Why a surgeon?" "Even if it's not a surgical issue they can pass you on to another department." "What a strange hospital!" "But if I'm going to have a check up..." "I'd like it done at a good place." "Is there anywhere like a university hospital?" "There is one medical university but the public hospitals are equivalent to our 'university' ones..." "Tous Sante is one of them." "Oh all right then." "I'll let them check me out if it makes you happy." "Good." "So I just need to go to the hospital and ask for Shirozaki?" "I'll come with you." "Sadly Dr. Shirozaki is away at a conference in Berlin." "Eh?" "He's not there?" "He's away for 4 days apparently." "Let's wait until he gets back." "It's best to get the check up quickly." "Why?" "What are they looking for?" "There's nothing wrong with me!" "You know that's not true!" "Don't say so!" "It's my body so I should know!" "Listen to what I'm telling you!" "I'm fine!" " Mr Itsuki!" " What?" "Please go today!" "We've made all the arrangements and if we wait for Shirozaki to come back, we'll be off again..." "It's best to know for sure!" "What do you mean, 'know for sure'?" "There's nothing to 'make sure' of!" "I know but..." "What do I have to say to you to make it clear?" "OK." "But let's go." "Please?" "You're really forcing me aren't you?" "But if I don't force you it'll never happen!" "What did you say?" "You're out of line!" "I'm sorry." "You're quire right." "Means you're telling me I do this all the time." "Let me make that quite clear to you!" "And I don't damn well like it!" "Thank you so much for taking the trouble to come." "How are you?" "What?" "Oh, I don't think there's anything much the matter." "But Funazu here keeps on telling me to see a doctor so..." "Well it's certainly best to be sure!" "It's awful being ill away from home." "If there's anything I can do?" "My boss told me too look after you!" "Thank you very much." "I'll let you know." "But I hope not to bother you more." " Let's hope it's nothing." " Let's go." "Here were are!" "The first doctor who had seen Itsuki yesterday shook hands and then spoke quietly through Kishi as an interpreter." "The message was that he should abandon his trip and return home immediately and go to the best possible hospital for a second opinion." "So there are several things?" "So it seems." "That's why I hate check ups" "I've not seen a doctor in ten years." "There's bound to something if you look hard enough!" "Hopefully just a little!" "I don't know if it's much but it doesn't seem to be a life-threatening illness." "Let's have a week or so in Rome and then go home." "Maybe Shirozaki will be back from Berlin before we leave but" "It doesn't seem to be much judging from the doctor's attitude but let's get Shirozaki to report to you at home." "It was time to prepare for Rome and Itsuki spent a couple of hours packing." "Their plans had changed so it was more like preparing to go home to Japan." "Tonight he was having dinner with Yashima and Kishi who had been so helpful with the hospital." "So he needed to pack now." "The rest I will leave to you." "I'll sort it out." "Yes please." "Hello?" "Mr Itsuki?" "This is Tous Sainte Hospital...." "It was the hotel switchboard saying something or other..." "Then a Japanese voice came on the line." "It was Dr Shirozaki." "My name is Shirozaki." "I've just come back from Berlin and spoken with my colleague." "Thank you." "Listen, Mr Funazu isn't it?" "That's right." "Itsuki should have identified himself but didn't." "He wanted to hear whatever it was as if he was Funzau." "I'm sorry I was away." "Did it go OK?" "I'd like to thank you for all your help and I'm sorry to have troubled you." "I was going to get in touch." "Let me get to the point and tell you about the patient." "Yes please." "I suppose I had better report to you what my colleague just told me." "I see." "So..." "How is he?" "What's wrong with him?" "It's not very good news." "This is not to be said to the patient but..." "But I think you should know" "I understand." "Simply put it looks like cancer of the Duodenum." "Cancer!" "There are various kinds of cancers so..." "As soon as you get back to Japan get to a good hospital." "Can we get it operated on immediately?" "If this diagnosis is right you would need to." "The problem is..." "whether or not it's operable.." "And if it isn't?" "I just need you to be aware it's in a very difficult place to treat." "I'm actually going down South tonight... or I would have come to see you." "I could have told you about it in more detail and brought the papers" "I'll pop around to the hospital in the morning and get them." "Could you leave them at reception for me?" "Of course." "Can I just ask one question?" "Bluntly?" "Yes." "Is there any chance he'll recover?" "Because it's something that's happened on a work trip" "I'd really like to know" "Does he have much family?" "No." "Two daughters but they're both married." "His wife died last year so he's alone." "Completely." "If this diagnosis is right he's in a bad way." "Three years?" "Hmmm..." "Two?" "So one year?" "Well, I suppose so." "If it's operable." "Best not to tell the patient." "OK." "I won't say anything." "I'll leave the paperwork at reception for you." "Thanks." "I'll pick it up tomorrow." "Mr Itsuki!" " Funazu, is that you?" " Yes." "I'm feeling like I have a bit of a cold so I'm going to stay in bed a bit." "We're having dinner with Yashima and Kiji at 6." "Can you apologise for me?" "You go!" "I'll tell Yashima." "Do you have a fever?" "What about tomorrow's trip?" "Leave it as it is." "I'm sure I'll be fine with a good night's sleep." "Please tell Yajima I'm really sorry." "I will." "See you later." "I'll drop in when I come back and tell you about what happens." "You can tell me tomorrow." "I'd really like a good night's sleep." "If you're temperature goes up or anything let me know." "I'll be back at 9." "Take your time!" "It's your last night in Paris so you needn't rush back!" "OK" "The bad news from Shirozaki felt as if it was in the distant past rather than just yesterday." "He felt like he'd come through a long, hard struggle of some years and was now looking back on it from some distance." "It wasn't something he'd achieved himself." "Just some meaningless pause that God gave all his poor, suffering creatures." "It's Funzau." "Good morning." "How are you?" "Feeling much better." "And no fever." "So we are not going to Rome." "Don't delay it, just cancel." "You can go." "You don't need to stay with me." "You've come to Europe and only seen Paris so far." "You should at least see Rome too." "If you come back in a week or ten days that'll be fine." "Then we'll go straight back to Tokyo." "Go to Rome on my own?" "It's easy enough to postpone." "You'll feel better after a day or two of rest and..." "I don't want to go." "Are you worrying about what the doctor said?" "I think that doctor overstated it!" "I'm not going because I just don't want to go!" "And I'm telling you to go because I think you should!" "Think about yourself for a change!" "You ought to go shouldn't you?" "But..." "What"but"?" "Are you worried?" "Then don't go!" "I'm just not sure I should go separately." "I came with you." "Next time I'll bring someone else!" "I thought to show you some foreign places." "You've never been abroad before!" "OK." "I'll go on my own." "Is it OK to go for a whole week?" "A week, or ten days if you like." "I'll be back in a week" "Funazu said what he thought he should but he clearly didn't fancy Italy on his own but he was off the chain!" "Itsuki knew he owed Funazu for looking after him and needed to repay it and he thought this would be that repayment." "... and If he didn't act quickly he wouldn't be able to pay back at all!" "After sending Funzau off, Itsuki left the hotel and walked among the people in the street" "Until now he had always been with Funazu but now he was alone" "Death and he walked through the city at the same pace" "He was heading to the hospital to collect the detailed report" "Some papers?" "Dr Hirozaki?" "yes, of course" "Thank you" "He couldn't tell what was written there, but it looked ominous to him" "Even the livid purple colour of the ink was difficult to look at comfortably" "If he looked at it he felt nausea rush up inside him" "Tumour" "Stomach Cancer - the "crab"" "The next day and the day after he stayed shut up in his room" "There was no distinction between day and night" "He woke and slept fitfully" "He was thinking about suicide" "He would die within a year anyway" "But there was no need for suicide immediately" "He thought about this and his thought of suicide changed" "You!" "Who are you?" "You know very well who I am" "You as an angel of death?" "Why?" "Are you saying that I look like her?" "Madame Marcelin, was it?" "Why her?" "I am you!" "A version of you" "A reflection of you" "Hello?" "Mr Itsuki?" "Yes?" "It was from Kishi but he didn't want to see anyone It was from Kishi" "He didn't want to be seen either" "Hello" "Hello" "But Itsuki had felt close for some time to this youngster called Kishi" "If you're eating steak for lunch there's nothing wrong with you!" "Just because I'm ill doesn't mean I have no appetite!" "Until this morning I haven't felt like eating anything" "At last I have my appetite back" "Well it's good to hear that" "But of course, I am ill" "You seem to be enjoying being ill" "Enjoying it?" "Is that what it sounded like to you?" "Itsuki suddenly recalled looking up the German word and discovering it meant 'cancer'" "The German word 'Krebs' also meant 'crab'" "There's a crab eating into my duodenum" "This piece of meat was feeding the crab that was devouring him" "Mr Itsuki?" "Mr Itsuki?" "Is something the matter?" "Err, well..." "If he ate he was 'feeding' this cancer, but thinking this way is a bad idea!" "He couldn't remove it from his duodenum himself" "But if he couldn't, in order to beat it he had to eat and keep eating" "In order to live a bit longer he had to eat!" "I don't think it's a good idea to stay cooped up in the hotel because Funazu will be coming back" "How about a trip out of Paris?" "This weekend my wife and I are going to the Bourgogne region to see some Romanesque churches." "Do you fancy joining us?" "Bourgogne?" "Thank you!" "Will you come?" "You said on..." "Saturday?" "It's Wednesday, so in 3 days" "Yes, it's 3 days from now" "I see." "Normally I'd be very grateful but I am not sure at the moment..." "I'll call you the day after tomorrow and we'll see." "He stopped staying cooped up in the hotel" "From the next day Itsuki left the hotel every day at 8:00 and wandered the streets aimlessly" "Paris was in the grip of winter" "This wandering made him feel more at ease" "To a casual observer he looked like any foreign tourist" "but he was not free of this issue of death, even for a moment." "Death, like his shadow, followed him and matched pace with him wherever he went" "I often wondered what the word 'transmigration' meant 'the flux of life, death and rebirth'" "It means that people are born and then die." "No matter how many times you die you will be reborn." "Isn't that it?" "Just that and no more?" "It's obvious, I suppose." "Suffering:" "all life is suffering." "." "Don't you remember those words?" "What?" "They're from a book you read years and years ago!" "You underlined them in red!" "You hated your father and your new mother" "Around the time you ran away from home, still a junior high school student!" "It's from the Bible, the book of Ecclesiastes." "I did, I remember it!" ""Vanity of vanities: all is vanity." "What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?"" ""one generation passeth away... and another generation cometh:" "but the earth abideth for ever."" "the sun also ariseth and the sun goeth down and hasteth to his place where he arose."" "It was so unexpected!" "Those words from his youth, almost forgotten... came flooding back and out of his mouth" "Itsuki thought about his dream of the previous night and wondered who he was waiting for" "Who did I want to meet?" "Someone who made me glad to be alive" "That seemed to be what he was looking for in his dreams." "You mean more than just a friend!" "Not just because you notice that you have been starved of that kind of friendship for a long time" "Work." "Work." "Work!" "It was work from dawn to dusk!" "I wonder if it was worth it in the end..." "I built roads and bridges and buildings." "but whether it was my 'work' I don't know" "I did things if they were profitable;" "if not I didn't do them." "Is that sort of thing work?" "Little insect, so rich and with gold in your storehouse" "(the insect in the song symbolises wealth)" "Poor insect!" "Living until it got so cold!" "So cold, until it's so shrunken and shivering!" "By chance I found out how long I have left to live" "There must be loads of people like me who only have a short life left to them." "It would probably have been better if you hadn't found out!" "But it's too late now!" "But people are weak and it would be hard for them to live with that knowledge" "Yes, you're right." "It's hard." "Unbearably hard!" "However hard you try to swallow the knowledge" "How can I live with ordinary people who don't know their remaining life span!" "You just have to have faith!" "Faith?" "That's all you can do now." "When I was young I read about mysteries of religion" "I was young and hadn't really thought about belief in anything" "What are you telling me to believe in?" "Believing all life is suffering?" "What does that do?" "It's much quicker and easier to drink to dull the pain!" "Does drinking really ease your suffering?" "How ridiculous!" "I've not believed in religion for years." "How can I start praying now?" "You're not ready yet, are you." "You can think you still have a year." "One year." "You think you still have a year and you cling desperately to that idea..." "Even though you think it's critical now it will get worse and worse." "The next morning when Itsuki awoke it was after ten" "He had been awake for 2 hours in the night so he'd ended up oversleeping." "His mind was unusually clear" "He put his hand on his abdomen" "It was the first time he had touched 'it' directly" "He pressed where he thought the duodenum was," "There was no pain." "But somewhere here that crab is gnawing away" "But this didn't feel as horrible as it had until yesterday." "I can, and people do, get used to even a declaration of their own death!" "Hello?" "Mr Itsuki?" "It's Kishi" "I promised to call you yesterday but I'm sorry I wasn't able to." "How about it?" "Are you coming to see those churches?" "Ah!" "Those Romanesque churches!" "Yes please!" "That's great." "We'll leave about 12:00!" "Fine" "Great." "See you later." "Itsuki felt himself to be rather passive" "In the sense that he was able to simply respond to invitations" "He'd never seen a Romanesque church." "The problem of his death could be put on one side." "and he thought he'd go and see these churches" "Mr Itsuki!" "Have you been waiting long?" "Sorry, we'll need to wait just a little more," "We're taking two cars and my wife is slightly late!" "Please take a seat." "Thank you for coming to pick me up!" "My wife's delighted you're coming and she's gone to get some food for the trip." "I've not meet her yet but she's quite young, isn't she?" "Yes." "Sorry, that's a silly thing to ask:" "of course she is!" "Won't you sit down too?" "Err, I'll just go and have a look for her." "I wonder what she's up to?" "She's always late!" "In that respect at least she's become rather French!" "That's OK though, isn't it!" "Please don't worry about it on my account!" "You're being kind enough to take me somewhere, so I am more than happy to wait as long as necessary!" "But I am sorry!" "I'm not just saying it, I mean it!" "I'll go and take another look." "You're late!" "But anyway..." "This is my wife!" "I'm sorry to have been so late!" "Lovely to meet you!" "The trouble caused is on my side I think!" " Shall we be off?" " Can we wait a little more?" "Why?" "Actually...." "I wonder..." "She really said ten minutes?" "That means at least thirty!" "She's just got to have a word about the kid" "You should have said when we left home!" "You should have said it then, not now!" " Sorry, it was my fault!" " You only apologise as he can hear you!" "I'm sorry, The other person coming had to nip back home but she'll be here soon." "That's what happens if you take a trip with women." "We won't be safe until we've left Paris!" "They always forget something or need to do something!" "You've sometimes gone back to do stuff too!" "It's embarrassing to say in front of my husband but it's a neurotic need to go back and check the doors are locked!" "But it's finally getting better!" "It's not a good thing if it's neurotic!" "It's hard in a foreign language" "And men soon get used to neuroses!" "Some husbands miss their wives but this husband just has a phobia about unlocked doors!" "Sorry to have this exchange in public!" "The women are usually the cheeky ones!" "Women tend not to get this way but men seem to often get that way in the first year abroad!" "It's the foreign language problem." "Even those who speak it confidently are noticeably on edge for the first year!" "But when the women get neurotic it's hard to cure and there's nothing for it but send them back to Japan looking really ill and always complaining..." "She even hates the husband..." "Yes, so it seems!" "Even you had a touch of it!" "I had a touch of the neurotic?" "!" "Oh no I didn't!" "It's a good idea to go for a drive at least once a week," " maybe go away for the night!" "Really?" "For who?" "That's why we're touring these churches." " It was my idea!" " No it wasn't!" "It was." "At first you were against the idea!" "I forced him to do it." "It's nice to see!" "When I listen to you two talking, it's good." "You're so cheerful." "She'll be here soon." "I'll just go and check." "Itsuki thought how good it was to go on trips as a couple." "His late wife Yoshie had wanted to go for a few days holiday with him" "But Itsuki hadn't been able to" "They'd not even had a proper honeymoon like most other people." "Nor even been to nearby (to Tokyo) Atami hot springs together ." "He'd been too busy." "But... had he really been that busy?" "He had been busy it was true... but... had he really been too busy to go just a for one night stay?" "Itsuki tried to turn his thoughts away from his dead wife." "In his current situation it was painful to think of the woman who'd lived with him." "How much she'd wanted to see the Japan Sea coast and the Hokuriku region." "Nowhere else." "Just the Sea of Japan and just there in Hokuriku." "Why was she so fixed on that particular area?" "For her," "It had been the sea that once she'd seen it she could ask for no more and would have died happy." "How she must have longed to see it!" "She'd died young." "How badly... she must have wanted to see it." "We can't wait any more so we're going on ahead!" "My wife will come later" "I'm sorry too have made you wait!" "No, it's fine!" "Shall we have tea?" "You must be tired!" "I'm just the passenger so I'm fine!" "But let's take a break." "You must be tired!" "What do you think of the plains of Burgundy?" "It's a nice area." "The Japanese equivalent would be the Kanto plain but here the towns and cities are more spread out!" "It's good to be outside the city." "The roads so far have been good but tomorrow we'll hit the deeper and really good bits of Bourgogne (Burgundy)" "I see!" "The faces on the church carvings," "Christ and Mary, are the faces of Burgundian farmers" "These churches have Christs that look like the local mayors or a Mary that looks like the wife of the hardest working man in the village." "The plains of Burgundy seem to go on and on to the east and west but they finally hit the Jura mountains." "There's a place on the mountain road commemorating those who died fighting the guerilla war against the Nazis... ..a grave for the youths and farmers." "There's a statue of Marianne on the cliff as a memorial" "Hair streaming in the wind and facing towards the valley" "Below the statue is carved the phrase:" "'Where I die my country is reborn' (Où je meurs renaît la Patrie)" "It's a phrase by the poet Louis Aragon." "'Where I die my country is reborn'!" "Those young farm lads are interred there." "The Marianne who commemorates them has the face of a farmer's daughter." "Can we go there?" "It's not really possible." "next time you're in Paris I'll take you there." "Just hearing about it from you now.... has made me like these farming villages and their people!" "It was only briefly, but I was a private in the army, fighting in South East Asia" "There are lots of different ways that people die." "Some of illness, and some in the war." "We were different..." "Not like these Burgundians who fought to defend their villages we invaded those neighbouring countries and brought war to them..." "That 'where we die our country is reborn" thing was something we couldn't have done!" "But we still died, many of us!" "We probably should have died." "But I've lived until now." "They've overtaken us!" " Was that your wife?" " Yes." "I can't beat her!" " That was pretty fast!" " It's a good car!" "Your wife was driving?" "I couldn't see but I don't think that was her!" "But when a woman gets going you can never tell what she will do!" "You can see some hills far off, can't you." "That's Vézelay." "The settlement runs half way up the hill and on the top is the Basilica of St. Magdalene" "They seem to have gone up, let's go." "They should be able to see the sunset" "It's a great church." "We'll have a look around inside properly tomorrow." "For now let's go around to the back." "I think that's where they are." "There they are." "Itsuki didn't follow Kishi but headed instead for a spot lightly away from the two women" "He decided to greet them in a moment but he wanted to look out across the plain first." "It was still light but night was about to fall on the plain" "As Itsuki looked at the view a word crossed his mind and reverberated" "As he looked at the darlking plain this word, or rather this thought," "was a spectre of his death." "We got here first!" "Yes, you got well ahead of us!" "Let me introduce you." "This is..." "Madame Marcelin." "This is Mr. Itsuki" "Itsuki finally managed to contain the shock that almost made him shout" "He managed the introduction and talk in a minimal way as politeness dictated so nobody noticed the inner turmoil" "It was on the tip of his tongue to say" ""I've already met you several times"" "but Itsuki managed to suppress it." "As you'd expect here in the wine-growing country they cook well with wine too!" "Yes!" "The say this wine doesn't travel well." "They seem to be right: it's better here!" " How do you find it?" " Very good indeed!" "People have to compromise and come here to taste it!" "What about it?" "You could get a villa around the back!" "Good idea!" "You mean a 'manoir' rather than a 'chateau'." "What's a 'manoir'?" "They discussed the house by the Basilica, which was marked as up for sale." "One reason that Madame Marcelin had come along on the trip... was to have a look over the house that the Kishis had discovered last year." "It would be good for the Marcelin family to have a house here." "I wonder." "It's a bit like a haunted house!" "A haunted house, you say?" "Don't you think so?" "..." "If you bought it and died there I'm sure you'd become a ghost!" "If Madame Marcelin won't buy it how about you Mr Itsuki?" "So I can become a ghost?" "I've never seen anything like this." "It's so peaceful." "It's amazing what you can create in stone!" "The most interesting carvings are in the middle" "There are hundreds so it's impossible to see them all so let's look at one carefully" "Almost all the carvings represented medieval village life in a humorous way" "Or if not, they were tales of extreme evil" "The lecherous and lustful were shown being punished in front of laughing demons" "in contrast the honest and hard-working were shown as blessed" "They were shown surrounded by children and with sacks of harvest under a bright sun." "You seem tired." "It's because you've been looking so intently!" "I can massage your shoulders if you like." "Eh?" "No, please don't trouble yourself." "I'm fine." "if I get you to do that I'll be punished!" "It's so quiet!" "It's amazing that there's still such a place in the world" "If you go to Nara or Kyoto and the ancient temples" "I suppose there are similar quiet places in Japan but..." "Sadly I've never been to them!" "I decided I was too busy to go!" "I expect I would have a whole log stuck down my throat by the demons!" "They would accuse me of greed!" "I wonder if Madame Marcelin was driving when the car shot passed yesterday" "Though difficult to believe in some ways, she seemed someone who would do just that" "Itsuki went in Kishi's car as he had done yesterday" "After looking around the church they drove for about an hour and the party had lunch in a small village" "Kishi said he'd been to the restaurant before" "Shall we change over?" "I'll give you back your wife and I'll take Mr Itsuki." "It'll be a nice change, won't it." " OK!" " OK, yes please!" "I'll drive carefully." "Please don't worry!" "Driving around I feel" "I'm really getting to know these Romanesque churches" "I'm so delighted you invited me along." "I'm not from here myself but I'm delighted that you Burgundy so much" "It's about 30 Km to the next town." "It's nearly the end of the trip!" "Yes, it's the end." "In Autun, as at Vézelay, Itsuki looked at a lot of carving" "But at the end Madame Marcelin casually pointed to a carving of Eve that she said she liked best." "Judging form her expression she seemed to be teasing him." "And her cheerfulness reminded Itsuki of his unhappy younger years" "He wondered why he couldn't have enjoyed and laughed and 'picked the apple'!" "Vézelay and Autun are wonderful but here is the calmest of all." "I know what you mean." "This is also a Burgundian Mary." "Yes, a very maternal one!" "Yes, a hard working Mary!" "Kishi seemed to say something" "He could be heard in the distance saying 'let's go on to the next place'" "However..." "Itsuki wanted to stay here in the quietness that surrounded him." "It was a sad desire, hard to understand but making him feel he wanted to stay here forever." "He was in a building made of nothing but stone." "And the thought that this was where he should be came to him." "Neither Vézelay nor Autun had made him feel like this." "Here in this space surrounded entirely by ancient stone, with a little light coming through the rectangular windows" "The floor and pillars clearly conveyed to him the great length of time" "the stones had stood there." "He strongly he wanted to be here!" "Itsuki couldn't help himself" "Of course I want to be here" "Did you come here to tell me something?" "I'd like to be here forever, just as you said!" "What?" "You said it just as I was thinking it!" "I was rather surprised and so I answered you!" "I see!" "There's a world of difference in meaning though isn't there?" "Between her saying it and you saying it!" "Maybe so!" "You..." "You chose me, didn't you!" "Now you're here you know that death is not something to fear." "Do you understand that now?" "You mean that... this silence is death?" "No joy nor sorrow" "No love, no hate." "Just... quietness." "Death... is when everything has gone into this cathedral, into this silence." "Everything melts and disappears" "You mean... this building taught those Burgundian peasants all that was right and wrong." "Mr and Mrs Kishi must be waiting for us." "Shall we go?" "Yes.... and thank you" "Clogs?" "Yes, I wonder if they're made from local wood" "They're rather cute, aren't they!" "I thought of buying them for somebody." "Maybe I should get some too?" "I don't think it's a good idea to buy them!" "Why?" "What's up?" "These are called 'sabots' in French, as in in "sabotage"" "That's where the word comes from." "So that's why you as head of the Kishi family don't like it" "You can't move swiftly wearing those!" "Or we'll have to tidy the house!" "They say the Japanese work too hard." "So I should buy clogs and slow myself down!" "Please ask them to wrap up 3 pairs of clogs and 3 dolls for me." "I don't mind which!" "Shall I choose them for you?" "I love choosing dolls." "I would be very grateful." "A present for your daughters?" "No..." "The clogs were chosen for him by the Kishis and the dolls by Madame Marcelin" "These were for himself:" "a reminder of the last carefree trip of his life!" "Among all the things he had bought in Europe these would be the most significant gifts." "I may be going to Japan with my husband next spring." "Really?" "I'd love to go to Ina, more than anything!" "Which part of Japan are you from?" "Tokyo" "I've always lived in Tokyo, apart from a year during the war when we took refuge in Ina (Nagano Prefecture)" "I was in the first year of elementary school wearing a monpei (type of traditional clothing)" "Really, you wore a monpei!" "Do you know the Ina area?" "No, I'm afraid not." "I was evacuated to Ina but there is nearby town called Takato" "The cherry blossoms there are famous and it's wonderful in spring." "Flowers everywhere!" "You said the town is Takato?" "We might be able to see the cherry blossoms together in Japan!" "I would be so pleased if we could." "Sorry, I had a rather strange thought." "Just a moment ago, as we standing by the river Saone it reminded me of something in The Analects of Confucius" "Like the water in the river, everything flows without rest." "It was a long time ago." "He'd been a junior high school student, it was a verse from Confucius..." "Analects 33" "Human life is like the flow of a river every second it keeps flowing and never stops" "I have just finished the good bit with this trip" "He'd been in Paris the day before yesterday only a few days had passed since then." "but... he felt like it had been a long, long trip." "Everything was like a dream, rather than reality." "What Madame Marcelin looked like and what she said he was unable to recall no matter how he tried." "They seemed unreal." "For Itsuki, living out his limited remaining days surely this was not the last thing that god would grant him!" "Who is it?" "Mr Itsuki!" "Hi!" "The hotel told me you'd gone to Burgundy." "How was it?" "I enjoyed it!" "And your trip?" "Marvellous." "Thank you." "I went all over Italy!" "I am relieved too!" "I was worried but now I see you, you look better, like a different person!" "Really?" "Maybe you're a different person!" "Not at all." "I'm sorry I have been away for so long!" "Aren't you cold?" "No." "If you are I can get a blanket." "No, I am rather warm in fact." "Would you like a drink?" "Just order your own if you want something." "OK" "In his jet-lagged head Itsuki was thinking... about the doctor and that Funazu knew nothing about his cancer." "and about the diagnosis and report that the doctors had mistakenly handed to him." "the letter of introduction to the hospital, and the diagnosis of an inoperable cancer." "If it hadn't been for that he would have confidently and proudly lived out his remaining life in Japan, unknowing." "But, now he did know, and could not!" "Mr Itsuki!" "We will land at Haneda (Tokyo) in 30 minutes." "You don't look well." "It's nothing." "OK." "I thought you needed to get ready." "I'm fine." "You'd better get your own stuff ready." "Don't worry about me." "OK." "Itsuki stayed lying down and enjoyed awakening in his own bedroom." "He slept so well that first night back that he was amazed." "It was 10:00 when he woke up." "People need to sleep in their own beds." "The bed is a castle!" "He would probably end up dying in this room too." "Better to draw his last breath here than in some hospital room." "Yuko-chan!" "Good morning!" "You slept late!" "Are you rested?" "I slept very well!" "There was a call from the office at nine but I didn't wake you." "Yes, they're probably phoning." "What time shall I get the car to come?" "I'm not going to work." "I only got home yesterday." "But last time you came back from Europe..." "You had a board of directors meeting the next day!" "We were talking about it yesterday at the airport." "Who said that?" "People from work, Sakamine and Soyajima" "Everyone's expecting it!" "I'm not attending." "Can you telephone work and tell them." "OK." "I'll telephone now." "Look after Reiko." "Reiko, I just have to do something." "Wait for me!" "You're very quiet!" "She's a bit tense!" " Have the chrysanthemums finished blooming?" " Yes." "The flowers are finished!" "Why?" "I wanted to show them to Reiko!" "He was thinking they would probably be the last chrysanthemums he would see." "He thought, if he lived to next autumn, how happy he'd be to sleep on a hill of chrysanthemums with a cool wind blowing over them." "You're strong and you'll live." "in ten years you'll be ten!" "in twenty year you'll be twenty!" "He could imagine her as a ten-year old but not as she would be at twenty." "She didn't need to be bright like a rose." "but he wanted her to blossom as pure as a chrysanthemum." "Father?" "There's a phone call for you." "Say I'm tired and taking the day off." "It's someone called Horikawa, he's very insistent." "Horikawa?" "Oh that Horikawa!" "OK then." "Come on Reiko!" "What?" "Cancer?" "Probably." "I'm not sure but that seems to be what the wife was told!" "The patient doesn't know." "Hello?" "Cancer!" "Sunami seemed so well!" "You've been busy and it's been two years since you were here!" "He overdid it and it was too late" "Are you still there?" "I'm listening!" "He's OK for the moment but when I went to visit last time he talked about you all the time!" "Could you come and see him?" "I'll go today!" "It doesn't have to be today!" "I'm at home and I've taken the day off so it's ideal." "Tomorrow who knows what'll crop up!" "Let's go today!" "Hello!" "Thank you for coming!" "Are you up?" "Well, I get up as much as I can!" "How are you?" "I'm fighting the big one!" "The big one?" "Cancer!" "ah!" "How do you know that?" "I managed to get the doctor to admit it!" "I knew there was something wrong..." "But I was busy and away working a lot so I let it go... and when I was tired I was drinking a lot..." "That's not clever!" "I've been lazy since I was young and now it's taken revenge on me!" "I don't blame anyone." "I don't think I've got more than a month at most!" "I wanted to see you and I'm glad you came!" "But.. you're so relaxed about it!" "It's very impressive!" "Of course when they told me I was shocked but then I realised there was no point!" "Being good at giving up is not a good virtue in a businessman!" "Thanks to that I wasn't that successful in business!" "You're different to me, you've got persistence!" "I'm not so sure about that!" "Is it OK to talk so much?" "It's fine." "My wife has just nipped out for the toilet, too much tea!" "I'm glad she's not here!" "I don't think she knows I've got cancer." "I wanted, at least once, to tell someone the truth." "I'm really glad you came!" "I see." "Its a real shame!" "I wish you could live longer!" "Thank you for sparing the time to come and see me." " I'll come again." " No, I wouldn't do that." "Meeting you today and talking like this was enough." "You really don't need to come again." "Let's make this goodbye." "I see!" "I will be busy from now on" "And even if I do intend to... perhaps I won't be able to get time to visit," "As you say, let's say goodbye." "Itsuki, there's nothing wrong with you is there?" "No" "I'm glad." "Live long and work hard!" "This patient, sitting in the hospital bed" "Was not Sunami but perhaps me!" "And as he thought this he felt compassion for the first time." "But why, when they'd shaken hands had Sunami said that..." "Was there something about Itsuki that had made Sunami say it?" "Father, what are you doing?" "Nothing." "Just thinking!" "I thought we'd celebrate you being back." "Hiyo and I will be back early" "Tonight?" "I'd rather not do it tonight!" "Eh?" "But you're at home tonight, aren't you!" "No, I'm going to the office this evening." "We can do it tomorrow." "But Kyo-chan and the others are going home tomorrow!" "They can stay one more night!" "Just one day earlier doesn't make much difference!" "OK, I'll tell them." "That evening he had to go leave the house." "It was not something to look forward to!" "It had been much easier being in Paris!" "If he had to go out anyway perhaps he would visit Sunami again." "The thought crossed his mind but then he firmly suppressed it." "They'd already done their farewells, hadn't they." "I'd like you to take me to the hospital again" "OK" "Excuse me for not getting up." "Please go ahead." "I had a feeling that I'd come away without really talking to you." "Really?" "After you left I had the same feeling." "It's odd, isn't it!" "Thank for coming." "I know we made our farewells but the reason I'm back is..." "I wanted to ask you how you feel at the moment." "How I feel?" "Please ask, ask anything you like." "Ask anything you like." "Now I only say what I really think." "I'm not sure if you'll get the answer you want!" "It's an odd question." "Please don't be offended." "Assuming you had a year left, a year of good health... what would you do?" "Hmm..." "I'd do good." "Good?" "What about work?" "By work you mean the job?" "Yes." "Work...." "Since I've been ill work has become rather distant from me." "How should I put it?" "My urge to get involved with work has weakened." "I wonder if I was wrong all my life." "Really!" "You've got to work to live of course but...." "I didn't have to work so obsessively all the time." "I didn't have to do that." "Well, that's what I feel now." "I believed that I was dogged by bad luck in business but..." "My lack of success wasn't bad luck" "Because the timing wasn't quite right." "In other words you're saying that you lived you life wrong?" "It was a mistake?" "Yes, I should have lived differently." "Let's put it that way!" "So it was clearly a mistake?" "Definitely." "Yes, it was." "Definitely." "So, if you could have your time over..." "what would you do?" "As for that, I have no idea!" "If I had that one year you were talking about" "I would do good!" "But if I was going to have it all," "I don't know what I would do..." "I'd like to live in a 'virtuous' way!" "Thinking more about other people." "I don't like to trample others in order to succeed!" "Money, money, I was always chasing money," "I don't like always scrabbling about trying to get ahead" "My whole life has been restricted by things." "Money, reputation, well-being..." "None of them are worth that much!" "I wanted to live a real life" "But I wonder what kind of life that would be!" "I don't know." "If I knew what it was I'd tell you." "But I don't know." "I just know it must exist!" "You must be tired." "Let's leave it there." "When you hear the birds singing you say "ah, the birds are singing!"" "When you see flowers in bloom you say "ah, the flowers in bloom"" "that's the kind of life I mean." "Sunami..." "I..." "I'm tired." "Sorry." "That had not been Sunami but rather Itsuki himself a year from now." "And Itsuki, here to visit his old friend and sempai, had forgotten his own situation and position." "What Sunami had said was exactly what Itsuki had felt vaguely since Paris." "But surely I'm not going to end up like that!" "Because I've lived my life for work." "Always feeling the urgency." "I filled in each day with work so much that I had no time to think about dying." "The next day" "Itsuki went in to work." "It had been a while since he was in the office." "Good morning!" "Mr Itsuki, we're ready for the meeting." "The agenda was varied and there were work decisions to be taken." "All of them were dependent on Itsuki being in good health." "This thing called work overflowed his body and mind and would not stay calm." "it was two weeks after he returned to Japan that he went to his home town of Shinano." "As the car entered Nagano the view changed to a white snowscape" "For Itsuki it was as he remembered it being" "Hello." "I'm home!" "Welcome back." "You must be tired!" "What time did you leave Tokyo?" "8 o'clock this morning." "Six hours!" "You look well, mother!" "What time did you leave Tokyo?" "8 o'clock" "It took six hours." "I see." "Chiyoko's baby must be walking already" "Just about!" "That's good to hear." "Welcome home." "It's Yochan from Miyazawa!" "She's looking after me!" "Thank you so much." "What time did you leave Tokyo this morning?" "Eh?" "8 o'clock this morning..." "You must be tired" "Chiyoko's still not pregnant then!" "Actually she has had a baby!" "That's good." "Yo-chan, haven't you given him tea?" "Oh, don't worry." "I'll do it." "She just says the same things over and over" "Yes." "It's quite a shock." "But my Gran's the same." "Yours is just a little worse!" "The difficult thing is that she doesn't understand prices have changed!" "She thinks 100 yen owed from years ago is still the same value now!" "Funeral money?" "As soon as she hears any bad news she's off to give condolences." "That's tricky!" "But how does she know how much she's received from people?" "She has the old condolence book and carries it everywhere she goes!" "I see." "She keeps asking if my girls have babies." "The same thing over and over." "Yes, I know. if it's a girl she's always asking when she's going to get married." "She always wants to know when the baby is due." "Getting married, having kids." "And the funeral offering money!" "I see!" "You need to be careful!" "I'm fine!" "But she's got some energy." "That's a good thing." "Your dad was so worried about dying and leaving me" "But here I am, always carrying on!" "He must have given up worrying now!" "Father certainly was worried about dying and leaving you." "In that respect too I had not been a good son." "When I'm here like this I don't feel the wind, it's quite warm!" "Just as it was getting to dinner time his younger brother Taisuke turned up." "Taisuke was a doctor in down-town Nagoya" "People say that medicine is the healing art and his brother put it into practice" "It was a year since Itsuki had met him." "Hi, sorry I'm late." "It's good of you to have come." "It's not easy to get away when you're a doctor." "You said you weren't feeling well?" "How are you?" "I came home form my trip early but it doesn't seem to be serious." "You don't look like someone who's ill!" "I'll have a bath first if that's OK." "Let's enjoy some local sake!" "Would you like some sake first?" "Or the bath?" "Bath first!" "Bath first!" "That's the second time you've asked!" "You have to remember what we've said!" "You and your funny old head!" "I know it's funny." "You're the doctor, you should mend it!" "What are you on about!" "That's impossible!" "And you're special!" "Listening to the two of them joking" "Itsuki felt his heart warming" "He was impressed with his brother" "It was the first time that he had seen his step-mother like this" "It must have been a shock for Taisuke as well but..." "Unlike Itsuki, Taisuke had not run away from home and had stayed to deal with their father and her." "Taisuke had played Itsuki's role and not rocked the boat." "Come and sit down!" "Never mind that." "Sit down." "Are you sure?" "Very well then." "Even though her mind was going she never forgot to be considerate to her step-sons" "Such a sweet step-mother..." "why had he seen her as so hateful and filthy when he was younger?" "Itsuki thought sadly that he couldn't recall ever having spoken kindly to or even smiled at his step-mother" "When I was young I was bad." "I thought badly of mother." "It brings me out in a cold sweat to recall it!" "It's OK." "Everyone's forgotten, haven't you mum?" "Forgotten what?" "My brother." "He's apologising for giving you a hard time when he was young." "Did he?" "He was kinder than you!" "So I seemed to be being horrible to you?" "Well... in any case, he was the kinder!" "You've got to be kidding and it's not funny!" "When he ran away you cried, just over there in this room!" "I remember consoling you!" "Really?" "I don't remember that!" "When?" "Don't be silly!" "See how she is?" "It's so unfair!" "You seem to have drawn the winning number in this case!" "So it would seem!" "But still, life is good." "It's really nice to grow old... naturally!" "Love and hate both disappear" "Marriage, having children..." "and the condolence book!" "God must have planned it!" "...." "Itsuki was moved by this suddenly encountered emotion" "A feeling so strong he wanted to lift up his voice and weep." "You're getting old if you feel mum protected you!" "Are you asleep?" "No" "I've been thinking..." "A guy's got to live to the same age as his father did." "But you might not be able to even if you try!" "But I think you do have to try!" "Why?" "I'm not sure I can answer that." "But recently, that's how I have started to think" "Perhaps because as a doctor, I see people die quite a lot." "Father lived in this house until he was 72" "It's interesting... to wonder what he thought before he died." "In his last years he probably thought more than we realised." "At that age there's a certain way of thinking and a certain wisdom I suppose." "But, unless you live to the same age as dad you wouldn't know I suppose!" "Yeah." "Children should live long enough to realise that, I guess." "You being alive means father lives in some ways." "And me too, I will try to live that long too!" "In early February" "Itsuki went to the funeral of Kota Sunami." "It was a cold day." "Mr Itsuki!" "Welcome home." " Oh, you're here!" " I just missed you." "The funeral must have been cold!" "Reiko's crying!" "Nothing works!" "It's gotten worse recently!" "We can't have that!" "Eh?" "I've got a bit of a cold so I'm off to bed!" "OK, best to go straight away!" "I'll help you." "No, you see to Reiko!" "Isn't it too early for harsh discipline?" "It wasn't that he didn't want to see Reiko." "but the desire to be on his own in his room was stronger" "I've become able only to thing about myself said Itsuki to himself." "You should get to bed straight away!" " I will" " Then get on with it!" "If you're staying up I will warm the room." "There's no need to." "Come on then .." "It's fine." "I'll do it myself." "Come on father, get to bed!" "OK!" "As each day passes the dependence on others increases." "And Itsuki knew it!" "The decision about the successor for the company needed to be taken now but by doing this the secret of his illness seemed too easily revealed" "That was what frightened him." "Thank you, sorry to trouble you on a day off." "I was just going to say hello at the door!" "That's OK." "Come in and have a chat." "OK" " Is it a specific errand?" " It's not really work as such, but there's a message from Madame Marcelin in Paris." "What about her?" "Kishi was back for about 10 days and came into the office" "The message from Madame Marcelin is that she'll be coming to Japan at the beginning of April." "and she asked if you'd like to visit Takato with her to see the Cherry blossoms." "...." "Eh, why didn't you tell me about Kishi when he was back?" "Because you were resting I thought it unnecessary to disturb you." "I owe him a lot, don't mess it up!" "Get hold of Kishi and tell him I'll see him whenever it's good for him." "He's already gone back to Paris." "Back to Paris?" "Yes." "Oh, well." "There's nothing that can be done then." "Apparently Madame Marcelin tells Kishi that the trip to Burgundy was wonderful every time she sees him." "Until he finished this trip to Shinano" "He wanted to stay healthy for that." "Afterwards it didn't matter." "This emotion was stronger than he had ever felt for any woman." "Itsuki had not realised it but this intense emotion was bordering like despair and prayer" "I am very sorry, this is entirely my fault..." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Actually, there are several things together and..." "What on earth has happened?" "It's very difficult to tell you but..." "Get on with it and tell me!" "I'll not be angry." "Kuzuryugawa project has not started work!" "Because of the heavy rain last autumn" "Eh?" " Yes." " What's the nuts and bolts of it?" "I believed their reports, that it was not a big issue I shouldn't have!" "They hid the losses, trying to make up for it in the second and third stages of the project." "How much?" "800 million yen!" "800 million yen!" "It's not only that is it!" "Tell me!" "There was more:" "the flood defences at Fuzuryugawa had lost 800 million." "Another 350 million yen in uncollected capital on the Nihonbashi construction." "And 300 million interest on bank loans for equipment purchases being demanded" "With these three things together the company could easily go bankrupt." " If it went bust tomorrow it would be no surprise!" " You idiots!" "The responsibility for this is..." "What?" "We have no time to look at whose fault it is now!" "8 o'clock, yes, probably gone shopping." "No point talking about this awful situation now." "How the hell can we get out of this?" "Let's keep the discussion focused on that!" "I know this has already been said but remember, this topic is absolutely secret." "OK I'd like to start with the Fuzuryugawa project." "All of this is my responsibility and..." "You're not!" "I'm the boss!" "We need to know exactly when the typhoon struck and the extent of the damage!" "I need to know all of it, don't hide anything!" "Thank you." "I was just a little dizzy for a moment." "Sorry to have given you a fright!" "So, back to the issue..." "For now the priority was getting funding in the short term." "If they could just get through this stage." "It was a life or death gamble and he was going to try it!" "Mr Itsuki, you really are overdoing it and you must rest..." " I told you I'm fine!" " But..." "I'm not the kind of person to collapse just with this!" "I can raise the money." "My land is worth 100 million" "Your money totals 50 million." "That will avoid bankruptcy!" "But your own land is..." "If I don't have the land and the money it's fine." "In fact it would be a relief!" "I can't take it with me when I die!" "The work that everything depended on was in Peru." "It was the beginning of March when it started." "Itsuki decided to entrust it to Funzau" "You've been overdoing it for a month now!" "You've dizzy fits again, haven't you?" "It's fine!" "I can cope until the work in Peru is sorted out!" "I want to see if the gamble pays off or not!" "While you have been busy with work you have forgotten something more important..." "Going to see the Cherry Blossoms at Takato with Madame Marcelin for example!" "I've not forgotten!" "You poor man... right to the end!" "Alone, like a wounded animal!" "No, that's not so!" "I do have a friend who I can talk honestly and openly with... or at least I did!" "The person you started looking for in your dreams when you were in Paris?" "Shall I tell you?" "Tappei Yabuki!" "Of course!" "Of course!" "Tappei Yabuki!" "Mr Itsuki!" "Sorry, I'm fine!" "Why on earth had he forgotten about Tappei until now?" "in their army days," "They had an unspoken understanding that they would die together..." "How could he have forgotten his old friend?" "!" "Itsuki?" "It's me!" "It's me, Tappei!" "Tappei!" "It's me!" "It's me, Tappei!" "The joy of meeting again was so great that Itsuki was speechless" "He lost the chance to talk of his own impending death." "I want you to see this marble!" "It's unusual!" "It's all fossilised coral!" "Really!" "I like looking at fossils." "Creatures from billions of years ago, going about their business... little by little refined and preserved as fossils!" "Billions of years. eh!" "Counting in terms of billions of years..." "Yes, with fossils you tend to do that!" "When we were soldiers..." "we might well have ended up dead and fossilised but we made it out alive!" "Anything extra is a bonus!" "I suppose so!" "Yes, it is." "That we're able to be here now and talk is a bonus!" "This 'bonus' of life." "and here he was suffering and wondering what to do... compared to that incredible stretch of time..." "This life was too short to even register..." "The thought of eternity mesmerised him... he was so glad he'd met Tappei again." "he's not been able to reveal what was happening but... but Tappei had lessened the burden on his mind!" "We were worried about you!" "Why didn't you come straight home?" "I met an old friend." "Never mind that, need a bath!" "Sakagami and Funazu are in there waiting for you." "Father..." "Please go and see a doctor! It's fine." "I know my own body best!" "No, all of us..." "your family and your colleagues feel..." "Father..." "You've seen sister's child Reiko... but you still haven't seen my baby..." "I'm sorry but..." "I want you to go into hospital tomorrow morning!" "It's my fault for leaving you like this since Paris..." "Please, go to the doctor." "Why is my body your responsibility?" "Don't be ridiculous!" "I'm tired!" "Let me sleep!" "Father..." "I will!" "You will go to the doctor, won't you?" "That's what I said!" "Mr Itsuki's done what?" "Where has he gone?" "I don't know but he left this..." "I'm going on a trip for a couple of days." "Please don't worry!" "My sister wants to report him missing but I thought I'd talk with you first..." "If he says he will be back in a day or two he certainly will, so there's no need for a missing person report!" "Ah!" "I have an idea..." "I'll go and meet him." "I have a hunch I know where he is!" "At the end of the war I remember your face." "I can still remember your look and what you said:" ""So you're alive as well then!"" "Since then the two of us have lived a long 'bonus' of life!" "But my bonus time is almost over." "I've not got long left and there's no one I can tell this to!" "I've pitied myself!" "Wouldn't you Tappei?" "But now at the end let me say it!" "Showing you the trees here is a final gift to you." "During the war it must have been on days like this that the girls would wear their monpei!" "Yes." "We used to go up the slope towards the tree and forget the tiredness in our legs!" "I was only a little slip of a thing but I went right at the front with the others" "I can imagine you all excited!" "Yes, that's right!" "I wanted to be the first to see the Cherry Blossom!" "Mr Itsuki?" "How are you feeling?" "Fine!" "Are you hungry?" "I'll bring your food in a moment so if you can sit up please do." "What time is it?" "Already 6:00" "In the evening?" "Yes!" "When was I brought here?" "Dr Kihara will come tomorrow." "Until then please rest and don't worry!" "The name Kihara was somehow familiar." "In the letter about the cancer...." "The cancer would be bigger now" "Kihara had discovered it!" "You had an examination in Toussaint Hospital in Paris, didn't you?" "And they told you to get a check up as soon as you came back..." "Did you receive anything form Toussaint?" "A diagnosis addressed to a Japanese hospital or something?" "Yes, I do remember getting something." "Actually, your friend Mr Yabuki" "He and I know each other well." "and he spoke to me on the phone about you, not knowing you were hospitalised here!" "In Paris you were given some serious news." "and you've not revealed it to anyone, is that right?" "Yes, it is." "This is terrible and, as a doctor I must tell you that it's a terrible misunderstanding!" "But this operation has never been successful in Japan and only once succeeded elsewhere in the world." "and it's inoperable..." "How did you know this?" "They wouldn't have told you as a patient!" "Err, I... read the letter of introduction to the hospital here." "And where is that letter of introduction?" "I tore it up." "You don't trust medicine it's clear..." "I find it hard to understand why you have been avoiding dealing with it." "I understand." "I've dealt with lots of patients but you are the first like this!" "You know everything." "You are a very difficult patient!" "I've brought some clothes." "You're awake!" "Every day someone came to see him." "They all seemed so nice!" "Each of them was kind to him and wished him well." "But he was unsure how to respond to them!" "Seeing myself like this I realise I'm nothing special!" "This reflection flooded up." "We've finished the examination." "I've got your medical record from Paris." "Their diagnosis and ours are pretty much in agreement... but we differ in our opinion from Toussaint in one respect." "We think it's probably operable." "Which means you will need surgery." "Is that OK?" "Yes" "What he felt was:" ""Do what the hell you like!"" "But he could hardly say that." "He was certain that Kihara had arranged the visits." "But that was OK." "If it was useful for the research that was OK." "Funazu came to visit him the day before the operation." "Mr. Itsuki." "I leave from Haneda airport tomorrow night." "Eh?" "Thank you." "The way I see it is that you've always had luck!" "You're luck is terrifying!" "I don't think it's that simple!" "I can't rely on that!" "I think your luck will see you through successfully." "Well, let's hope so!" "Maybe I do have good luck!" "That's right!" "Take care of yourself over there!" "I'll be fine." "I very rarely get ill!" "Don't worry about the incense for the funeral!" "You'd best be careful to get along with your bosses!" "Don't underestimate them!" "You have a tendency that way!" "When you try to flatter Waka you actually look rather calculating!" "Be careful!" "I will." "Take care of yourself!" "I'll do my best in do the job you've entrusted me with!" "See you." "Then Kiyoko came in." "Be strong!" "I will." "You too!" "Eh?" "Have good children!" "How are you?" "The pain has lessened, hasn't it!" "You look well!" "I don't really understand." "What does 'a success' mean?" "Has my life expectancy improved?" "Exactly that!" "How much?" "A month?" "Two months?" "I wouldn't call a month or two a 'success'!" "If you ask me how long..." "I'm not god, so I have no idea!" "And cancer being 'cured' is only after five years as far as doctors are concerned." "You've been doubting my judgement for a while but please believe me now." "It might recur, but it doesn't for some people." "I think you'll be OK" "You'll live until 80 or 90!" "I'm going to live?" "Yes you will." "That's why you had the operation isn't it?" "With his recovering health the days around him also came back" "But something was different." "For example the visitors." "He'd felt the sincerity of their good wishes" "It was ordinary phrases but there was warmth and sincerity in the greetings" "These everyday phrases from his visitors... somehow troubled him" "Had they changed?" "Or had he?" "It had to be one or the other." "What's changed is me it seems!" "Are you pleased you're going to be able to live?" "I feel sorry." "I've lived wrongly!" "There are those who die convinced they have lived in error." "Is that why you handed the company over to Takagami?" "No." "I just can't spend all my time on it like I used to!" "When we were together... we had such different lives" "After what's happened, everything looks different!" "It was a tough relationship." "Like pack ice cracking!" "You said everything looks different... but it's all over now." "I'll always be with you from now on." "but you will stop being able to see me!" "That letter." "You need to read it." "Yes, I know but..." "I'm scared!" "This new changed me..." "Forgive the sudden letter, but I left Paris in March." "and I am back on Japanese soil for the first time in a long time." "I thought it would be Autumn at earliest... but my husband's schedule suddenly changed." "I'm delighted to say that Kishi is back in the Japan office so I'm thinking of going to see the blooms at Takato with the same group as last time." "She said 'the same members' but Itsuki thought one was missing." "His old friend Death was missing!" "and that gap could not be replaced." "Let's give these to a patient who wants to start a florist business!" "It's quite a major move!" "Yes." "We'll miss you but we will not detain you!" "Good bye!" "Good bye!" "It's good when a patient leaves!" "Take care of yourself!" " Yuki..." " Yes?" "I need you to write something for me." "Quite straightforward." "But I want you to write it in a polite, elegant way." "Itsuki has been very heavily involved in dealing with work issues." "It's going to be for a year." "I am very sad that I won't be able to meet with you but I wish you a really enjoyable visit." "This needs to reach you so please excuse me having someone else write for me!" "OK." "Yes, Sir." "One last thing." "Please give my best regards to Mr  Mrs Kishi." "Yes, Sir." "I will do it straight away." "Please add the address and date etc." "Itsuki thought that each and every thing had become a fossil." "That strange intense darkness" "The Takato Cherry blossom, the River Saône, the Romanesque Churches, Madame Marcelin..." "They had all become fossils!" "As a reminder to himself that he was a living being he ordered tea." "Now, with all the beautiful things turned into fossils" "He had to think about how to live this life wherever it came from, he had not expected" "He had to live it properly and fully." "And it was this that he had to seek how to do."