"(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "(theme song ending)" "Hi, honey." "Hi." "Say, what are you doing up so late?" "Oh, I'm just looking at the pictures in this family album." "Gee, they're wonderful." "How do you happen to start looking at those?" "Well, I guess I was wondering what our baby might look like." "Look." "This is me, eight months old." "(Ricky laughing)" "(Ricky laughing)" "Gee, what are you laughing at?" "Look at this." "What did they call you, "fancy pants"?" "Everything's at half-mast." "Oh, now, of course at two" "I was very sophisticated." "Get that hair ribbon." "I think it's cute." "Oh, no!" "Well, that was just about the time" "I joined the navy." "Oh-ho..." "Gee, that's cute." "I think you were handsome." "I hope our baby looks the way you did." "Oh, you're sweet." "Hey, who's that character?" "Oh." "That's my great grandfather." "He was an artist." "He'd better be, in that outfit." "Well, no cracks now." "He was very good." "Gee, Ricky, isn't it wonderful-- all the musical and artistic talent that our baby will be surrounded with?" "Yeah." "Oh, dear." "Surrounded with music and art." "He wants to be a musician, you can teach him." "He wants to be an artist..." "Hey, who are we going to get to teach him about art?" "Well, honey, I wouldn't worry about it." "It'll take care of itself somehow." "Well, now, it's not that easy." "Our child's artistic and cultural future is at stake." "Well, there's just one thing for me to do." "I know I shouldn't ask this, but what is it?" "I'll have to become an artist." "Now, Lucy, don't be ridiculous." "I'm not being ridiculous." "I undoubtedly inherited a world of talent from my great grandfather." "Well... where is it?" "It's been sleeping for three generations." "I just have to wake it up." "Look, will you do me a favor?" "Pull down the blinds and let it sleep." "Oh, now I'm not doing this for me, Ricky." "I'm doing it for the future of our child." "Well, I guess it won't hurt anything if you dabble in some watercolors for a while, but don't get too involved." "You haven't got much time before the baby gets here." "Hey, you're right." "I have to become a fine artist in three weeks." "(laughing)" "(door bell dings)" "How do you do?" "Oh, uh, how do you do?" "May I help you?" "Yes, I'd like some art supplies, please." "Which of the media do you employ?" "I beg your pardon?" "Well, we have a complete stock of all the media." "Media?" "Uh, what you like to work in." "Oh... (chuckling) ...just an old smock." "Oh, I see." "Well, tell me what do you like to use?" "We have equipment for any kind of artwork-- uh, watercolors, oils, pastel, finger painting." "Oh, finger painting-- that sounds good." "I won't have to buy anything." "I already have fingers." "Are these the kind you need?" "Stop." "Just a minute." "Do it again." "Do what?" "Hold up your hand just the way you did it before." "(gasping)" "Those hands." "What expression." "What symmetry." "Those long, expressive fingers." "Oh, those are the hands of a sculptor." "They are?" "They certainly are." "Oh, you must be very talented." "Well, I don't know." "I've never..." "I've never sculpt..." "uh... sculpteded before." "Well, I just couldn't be wrong." " No?" " No." "Here." "Create something for me." "Oh, I couldn't." "I don't know how." "Try." "Your talent will tell you how." "(giggling)" "Oh, go ahead." "Don't be inhibited." "Dig right in with both hands." "Well..." " Stop" " Ah!" "Wait." "Did I do something wrong?" "Wrong?" "Was Michelangelo wrong?" "I don't know." "Just a moment ago this was a shapeless mass of clay, and look at it now." "Just look at it-- such form, such rhythm... such movement." "Oh, it's just something I squeezed together." "Yes, yes, but it's the way you squeezed it." "The world is waiting for a squeezer like yours." "Oh, you're just saying that." "D-Do you really think that that...?" "Please, please, don't take my word for it." "You've certainly heard of our owner," "Mr. William Abbott-- the famous art connoisseur." "Oh, uh, uh, oh, yeah." "Just a moment." "Uh..." "Mr. Abbott!" "Mr. Abbott." "I won't say a word." "You do all the talking." "Okay." "Mr. Abbott, this is Mrs., uh..." " Ricardo." " Ricardo." " How do you do?" " How do you do?" "Uh, Mr. Abbott, I was wondering if..." "This figure." "This-this-this-this..." "this masterpiece." "Where did you get it?" "Did it just come in?" "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Mr. Abbott." "You see..." "Oh, I'm sorry, madame." "This is not for sale." "I'm putting this in my own collection." "Oh, well, y... you don't understand, Mr. Abbott." "No, no, you don't understand," "Mr. Abbott." "Mrs. Ricardo just made it before my own eyes with her own hands." "With these." "It's breathtaking." "Really?" "Well, you know, now that I look at it, it isn't bad at all, is it?" "It's the first thing I ever tried." "Oh!" "She's considering taking up sculpturing." "Oh, you must." "You owe it to cultural society." "The world is calling." "Me?" "Well, then, I'd better answer." "Uh, h-how much clay will I need to start?" "Uh, ten pounds?" "Make it 25." "Make it 50." "50?" "You have a big talent." "Oh." "Well, y-you just send anything that I need to this address." "And, uh... thank you." "I feel a great discovery has been made here today." "I will personally handle your first exhibit." "Well..." "Uh, put that in my private collection." "Now, what are you doing, and what is that crazy getup you got on?" "This is an artist smock and a tam." "A smock and a tam?" "Sure." "It's what all us sculptressesses wear." "All us what-essesses?" "Never mind now." "Don't bother me, I'm busy." "I'm sculpting." "How did you get mixed up in all this mud pie stuff?" "Well, I tried it at the art store this morning, and both the salesman and the owner said that I had exceptional talent." "There." "How do you like it?" "You made that, huh?" "Yeah." "All by yourself?" "Yeah." "Do you like it?" "Like it?" "Why, honey, it's, uh..." "I mean, I've never seen anything quite like this." "It's the most, uh..." "And you made that all by yourself?" "Oh, I'll bet you don't even know what it is." "Oh, honey, now how can you say that?" "Anyone can tell what it is." "Well, what is it?" "Let me look at it from the back, eh?" "Okay." "Well?" "That's the back of it, all right." "Oh, now, Ricky, come on." "Tell me what it is." "A boy and his dog?" "No." "A girl and her dog?" "No, and I don't think you're being very funny." "Okay, I give up." "What is it?" "It's a child at its mother's knee." "Oh, why, sure." "I can see it now, yeah." "Sure." "Oh, look at that cute expression on the child's face." "Kootchie, kootchie, Kootchie, kootchie..." "That's the knee." "That's the knee?" "Yes." "Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi." "Hi, Ricky." "Hi, Ethel." "Hi, Lucy." "How you doing?" "Hi, Ethel." "I'm glad you're here." "At least you have taste and appreciation for art." "I do?" "Well, you certainly have more taste than some people I know around here." "Now go ahead, tell Ricky what this is." "Hmm." "Well, go ahead, tell him what it is." "It's as plain as the nose on your face." "Oh, yeah." "Well?" "Is it the nose on somebody's face?" "No, it isn't!" "No, Ethel." "It's a mother with her nose in her knee." "(laughing)" "The two of you think you're so smart." "I think this is pretty good, considering I did it from imagination." "I didn't have a model, you know." "Well, maybe a model would help." "Well, of course a model would help." "All great artists have models." "I wish I knew someplace where I could get..." "Good-bye." "I got to go to the club." "I got to go, Lucy, I hear Fred calling." "Ethel, you come right back here." "You do not hear Fred calling you." "Yes, I do." "I'll be right there, Fred!" "Ethel, I'm very disappointed you won't model for me because you have such classic beauty." "What did you say I had?" "Classic beauty." "I do?" "Sure." "Look at that head, that profile." "It's like the head on a Greek coin." "You really think so, Lucy?" "Yeah." "I always thought my head was kind..." "Oh, no, you don't." "I'm not going to model for you." "Now, Ethel..." "No." "No." "Well, who will I get?" "I don't know, but it's not going to be me." "Oh..." "Lucy, did I tell you about Jane Sebastian?" "Lucy, did I tell you about Jane Sebastian?" "Ethel, will you please hold your head still?" "Well, her baby was due last week, and it didn't arrive, and it didn't arrive." "And when they finally rushed her to the hospital, what did she do but have twins." "Ethel, how can I do anything right if you keep moving your head?" "Well, I got a crick in my neck." "Let me see what I look like." "Boy, I'm not a bit well." "Well, it's not supposed to be an exact copy of you." "I know that." "Where's my face?" "Right there." "What's this supposed to be?" "That's your ear." "What's it doing over my mouth?" "Well, you moved so much, I couldn't tell where it was." "What's this?" "That's your nose." "On top of my head?" "Well, I know it isn't where it's supposed to be, but isn't it a nice nose?" "It's lovely." "You know, Ethel, I think that" "I should do a full-length figure of you in action." "Okay, you can do a statue of me running down the back stairs." "Good-bye." "Oh, Ethel Mertz, you come back here!" "Oh, darn it." "Hi, Lucy." "Hi." "I thought I'd find Ethel up here." "Well, she was, but she had to leave for a minute." "I know you're busy, so I won't bother you." "Fred, turn sideways." "What for?" "That profile." "Huh?" "You know, I never noticed it before, but you have real classic features." "I do?" "Yeah." "Your head is like the head on a Greek coin." "Hey, Lucy, how long do I have to stay like this?" "I'm getting kind of tired." "Just a few more minutes, Fred, then you can rest." "I hope so." "(Ricky whistling)" "(laughing)" "What's so funny?" "Yes, I fail to see what's so hilarious." "Oh, no, that getup that you got on." "And you should see what she's doing to you over here." "Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi." "Well, then maybe I'd better take a look." "Come on, Fred, take a look." "I'll be glad to have you see it." "I think it's coming along very nicely." "Well, straighten up, Fred." "Take a rest for a while." "I'd be glad to straighten up except for one thing." "What?" "I can't." "Oh, no." "Easy, Rick, easy." "What's the matter?" "You better wait." "I'd better go down and have Ethel put some liniment on it." "LUCY:" "Ah, gee, Fred, I'm sorry." "Ah, it's okay." "As long as I'm in this position, I think I'll go bowling." "(Ricky laughing)" "Watch it now, Fred." "Watch it going downstairs." "Take it easy now, Fred." "Take it easy." "Oh, no..." "Lucy, look what you did to poor Hercules Mertz." "I wonder if Michelangelo had this trouble with his models." "Oh, honey, you can't expect Fred to pose like a professional model." "Hey, that's what I need." " What?" " A professional model." "Now wait a minute." "They cost a lot of money-- eight or ten dollars an hour." "Don't you want your child surrounded by art and culture?" "Not at ten bucks a throw I don't." "Well, if you're going to be crass..." "I am not being crass." "And what does that mean?" "It means you care more for money than you do our child." "I do not, honey." "We just haven't got that kind of money to spend." "Oh!" "Look, honey, we've already spent a fortune on the baby-- nursery things, furniture, layette." "As it is, I'm going to have to pay for them on time." "It's not that bad." "It is, too." "If they deliver the baby C.O.D.," "I'm going to have to send him back." "You don't love me or the baby." "Oh, now, honey, you know I do." "You do not." "Now, look, sweetheart." "If I thought that you had any kind of talent at this, money would be no object." "Really?" "Well, you just ask Mr. William Abbott-- he's the owner of the art store, and he's a famous connoisseur, and he said I was brilliant." "He also wanted to sell you some clay." "Oh, you have such a sneaky, suspicious mind." "All right, I'll tell you what I'll do." "I'll make a deal with you." "I'll get one of the art critics from one of the papers to come up to the house and look at your work." "If he says that you have any kind of talent, you can have anything you want." "Really, Ricky?" "Yeah, but wait a minute now." "If he says no, that you don't have any talent, then you forget this whole business." "It's a deal." " Okay." "Good morning, Lucy." "Hi." "I came to get some more liniment for Fred's arm." "I'm sorry." "I gave you all we had." "How is his arm?" "Is it any better?" "It's pretty good." "We got it down to here now." "Well, that's good." "Say, Ethel, would you do me a favor?" "No!" "Oh, Ethel, come back here." "I don't want you to model for me." "I have a model-- someone who appreciates my work" "and who'll pose for me as long as I want." "Who?" "Me." "You?" "Yes." "I'm going to make a bust of myself." "I thought you'd already done that." "(laughs)" "Ricky's bringing home an art critic to look at my work." "And I think that if I make a perfect replica of my head, it will really impress him." "Well, I hope your head turns out better than Fred's arm." "It will." "This book tells how to make a mold of anything that you want to copy." "You mean, you're going to make a mold of your...?" "Yeah." "I'm going to make an impression of my head and face." "I'm going to put clay in it, take the mold away, and I'll have a perfect replica of my head." "Hey, Lucy, that's a wonderful idea." "Yeah, and it's so easy, too." "I got the plaster all mixed." "Now listen, "Cover the object to be copied" ""with plaster of paris and let it remain this way" ""until the plaster hardens." " Then crack away..."" " Lucy!" "What?" "You mean, you're going to bury your head in plaster of paris?" "Sure." "But you won't be able to breathe." "Oh." "I never thought of that." "Well, what am I going to do?" "It has to be a perfect likeness to get by that art critic." "Maybe the book tells some other way to do it." "Let's see." "What's the matter?" "Ethel!" "I can't get my arm out!" "You're stuck?" "Oh, hey, look, pull, pull hard." "I can't get it out!" "Well, let me try..." "Oh, Lucy..." "Right this way, Mr. Harvey." "You'll see what I mean." "Hi, Ricky." "Oh, hi, Ethel." "Uh, this is, uh, Mr. Harvey, the art critic of the Times." "Mrs. Mertz, Mr. Harvey." " How do you do?" " How do you do?" "Uh, where's Lucy?" "Oh, she had to go down to the store." "Well, that's funny." "She knew I was bringing Mr. Harvey home." "Oh, she'll be right back." "Would you like me to show you her work?" "Oh, no, I th..." "I think we better, uh, wait till Lucy gets here." "Uh, if you don't mind, Mr. Ricardo," "I always prefer to look at these amateur attempts uh, without the artist being present." "Oh, all right." "What did she sculpt this time?" "She made a head of herself." "She did, huh?" "Oh, you should have seen her." "She put up seven mirrors all around so she'd cover every angle." "(chuckling):" "Oh, no." "Oh, this is really pretty good." "Are you ready?" "Oh, I can hardly wait." "All right." "There." "Hey, you know something?" "It kind of looks like her." "I told you it was good." "This is excellent, Ricardo, excellent!" "It is, huh?" "Oh, my boy, believe me, if this is a sample of your wife's first attempt at sculpturing, you're married to a genius." "Well, what do you know?" "Oh, Lucy will be so happy when she hears this." "Oh, this is fine, fine." "Say, look, do me a favor." "Sure." "What?" "L-lt's always a tremendous thrill for me to be in at the launching of a great artistic career." "Let me buy this." "He wants to buy it." "Buy it?" "Yes." "L-I'd like to add it to my private collection." "Oh, oh, Mr. Harvey, you can't have that for your private collection." "I don't..." "I don't think Lucy'd want to sell it." "Oh, what are you talking about?" "I would think she'd be delighted to sell it." "Oh, you don't know how hard she worked on this." "She put a lot of herself into this statue." "Well, I guess she's right." "I guess it'll have to be up to Lucy." "Well, I don't have time to wait." "I'm-I'm due at an art critic's meeting." "Uh, let me know if she'll sell it, will you?" "All right." "Thank you for coming out, Mr. Harvey." "Oh, Mr. Ricardo." "I'd love to have this at that meeting with me." "Won't you let me buy it?" "Well, uh... no, l-l'm afraid I couldn't take the responsibility." "L'll pay $500." "ETHEL:" "Oh, no!" "I'll take the responsibility." "Mr. Harvey, you mustn't do that." "This statue isn't worth $500." "Well, I believe" "I know what a statue is worth, Mrs. Mertz." "I'll write you a check." "Thank you." "Um... uh... um..." "Mr. Harvey, don't you think you ought to take another look at this?" "It really isn't worth that much money." "It isn't quite right." "Now look at that mouth." "You know the-the side of it should be up higher." "Like that." "Ethel!" "And this-this side of it should be lower." "Like that." "HARVEY:" "Oh, Mrs. Mertz." "And, you know, the whole thing's too long." "Don't you think it should be like that?" "Ethel, now look what you done!" "You ruined it!" "HARVEY:" "Oh, no, she hasn't ruined it." "I haven't?" "No." "Uh, do you know something that when Mrs. Ricardo is a famous sculptress, this will be a-a collector's item." "Here." " Thank you." " Oh, wait!" "I'll deliver it anyplace you want me to." "Oh, no." "I wouldn't trust this to any other hands but my own." "(Lucy screaming)" "Oh, give me that check!" "What kind of a ridiculous...?" "!" "I didn't have anything to do with this, Mr. Harvey!" "Lucy!" "(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "ANNOUNCER"." "The clerk was played by Leon Belasco, the store owner was Shep Menken and the art critic, Paul Harvey." "I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production."