"English subs by O Cangaceiro" "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit." "Amen." "Hail purest Mary." "Conceived without sin." "What is bothering you, my son?" "Why such an urgency to see me?" "I am going to die, Holy Father." "Death always catches us off guard." "Isn't it so, Holy Father?" "True, true my son." "I have noticed that you Spaniards exaggerate somewhat our helplessness when facing death." "Dying is not so hard." "I am not concerned about death itself... but rather about having a bad death." "See how I was right?" "You are exaggerating." "All of us will have a bad death." "Do you want to be examined by my personal doctor?" "I do appreciate your kindness, Your Holiness... but this is not the problem." "Also.." "I don't need a doctor... but rather a miracle." "Have the doctors told you how much longer they expect you to live?" "About one year." "That is not much." "Not enough... to put your affairs in order." "Yes, Holiness." "But I must try." "My house is in disarray since my father passed away." "It is my duty to go." "But this is your house now." "What are you looking for by running towards the past?" "It is not the past, Father." "My mother is still alive... and my brother is even more helpless than I am." "And your daughter?" "And your...how do you say that?" "Your daughter's daughter?" "Granddaughter." "Granddaughter...." "He amongst us who never dreamed about becoming a grandfather... he can throw the first stone." "You Spaniards are quite dramatic." "Don't you realize you are a lucky man?" "What do you know about your daughter?" "Very little, Holy Father..." "until last month." "The very day my illness was diagnosed." "I received an envelope containing pictures of a girl" "There was no letter or any explanation attached, but I realized that she was my granddaughter." "And that, like her mother, she was born outside God's Law." "Beautiful girl, she resembles the Virgin." "What's her name?" "Lolita." "She has no resemblance with you." "She has that woman's eyes" "Was she one of your parishioners?" "She was one of my mother's servants." "If I don't grant you permission to return home ... will you go anyway?" "Yes, Holiness." "I would go with a broken heart for having disobeyed your orders, but I would go." "How long have you been locked in here?" "Thirty years." "Thirty years." "How awful." "Are you not ashamed?" "That's only one second in God's clock." "God doesn't have a clock!" "I'm amazed about the conceptual inaccuracy displayed by Spanish theologists." "Did you seclude yourself here to pay for your sin... or was it cowardice?" "I don't know, Holiness." "I do know!" "You loved that woman." "With all my soul." "The Church closed your case, but you did not." "With your discipline, you have only masked your disobedience." "You could have been Her black sheep but the Church made out of you her favourite son." "Since that day, the Church has been your only family." "God has called me, Your Holiness." "But..who are you to think that God speaks to you?" "God orders us to return." "God just gives you orders, through me." "What about my conscience, Holy Father?" "From this moment on, your conscience is mine." "I am hijacking it in God's name." "You cannot destroy thirty years of holiness just because of a temptation." "Fernando, my son..." "Sin has a beautiful face." "Go, since you have made up your mind." "But I must warn you that if you decide to remain with your children, you will die an orphan." "Your Holiness, one of my reasons for returning is to put my will in order." "That is an excellent idea, my son." "Giving away your earthly possessions is the first step towards entering the Kingdom of Heaven." "Why do you think that the Church is so close to God?" "Because She is poor." "My legacy is small, Your Holiness." "My death will not make the Church any richer." "That is good, but... make your will in such way that your death will not make Her any poorer." "The Blood of Christ must remain owned by the Church." "And it will, Your Holiness." "The Blood of Christ is a sacred vineyard." "Before dying, I will renew my ancestors' legacy, so that the Princes of the Church will continue consecrating with the juices of such venerable vines." "And since We failed, I hope that your mother still has sufficient authority over you." "What for, Your Holiness?" "That beard, my son, why don't you shave it?" "I don't like my face, Your Holiness." "This is a sin of coquetry." "I do admire the conceptual imagination of Polish theologists." "Your Holiness has just invented a new sin." "You are speaking like a Pope." "It's contagious, Your Holiness." "Excuse me, Your Holiness." "Could I get back my granddaughter's pictures?" "Inhale." "Exhale." "Take a deep breath." "Inhale deep." "Have you gone again with the sheep?" "I have asked you a question, Lolita." "I have told your husband not to take the girl to the mountains." "But it doesn't hurt any longer." "The heart never hurts, Lolita it just stops." "So don't go anymore with the sheep." "And if Damián insists in taking her tell him that I said "no way"." "she is sick." "Get dressed." "Take care of the girl." "As she grows up, her heart murmur will eventually disappear." "It's almost gone.... just a bit left, and that will go." "It seems like a miracle that she is almost healed." "You must ensure that she is not wandering on her own like a goat." "And what do you want me to do?" "She is like her mother." "She is the one who should be here, taking care of her." "Have you heard of her lately?" "Nothing, Don Abel." "The same as usual." "Nobody can straighten her." "We all come bent to this world, Maria... so why straighten them?" "This arrived a few days ago." "Please, do not let my husband know." "Damn it!" "It's from the goody!" "It is from master Fernando, isn't it?" "Button me up." "Do you know how he refers to you?" ""Sister in Jesus Christ"" "These priests are just too much." "What does he say?" "Get ready for this, María:" "he has repented." "He is coming back to make you whole." "But...but what does he say?" "Listen:" ""Sister in Jesus Christ." "Having reached the last days of my existence and wishing to be at peace with God and with men" "I have thought about how much I did hurt you."" "My brother ...he's really got a nerve." "After thirty years, he now cares for what he did to you." "What did he do to you, grandma?" "But...what did he do to you?" "So, he is coming." "What did he do to her, Abel?" "Nothing bad, kid." "He made you." ""I want to compensate you, as well as your daughter and your granddaughter, so I am humbly asking for your forgiveness." "I humbly bless you ...." "yada yada ..." "Fernando."" "My husband will kill him, Don Abel." "My husband will kill him." "Don't worry, I'll take care of that swine." "Is it true that I have two grandpas?" "A real one and a fake one?" "Of course, sweetheart." "Aren't you lucky, Lolita?" "Two grandpas, and one of them is a Pope." "Is it true that my grandpa does perform miracles?" "You can ask your grandma about that." "Don't say that, Don Abel." "You come up with such things..." "Me?" "And what do you have to say about this swine I have for a brother?" "Hmmm....maybe you are still in love with him?" "Oh God, I hope that my husband doesn't find out." "Don't go again to the mountain." "And if your husband insists, he must carry her on his back." "Mother." "Mother." "Mother." "Mother!" "What do you want, you idiot?" "Have you heard the news?" "Don't tell me anything." "I already know that your brother is coming." "Who told you?" "That's none of your business." "My sons don't move a finger without me noticing it." "Go away." "Wait." "I want to hear mass." "Call "Small Balls"." ""Small Balls"!" ""Small Balls"!" ""Small Balls"!" "What is it, master Abel?" "My mother wants to hear the mass." "Sure, right now." "But she already had one this morning." "Another one." "I want another one!" "Yes, madam." "I will arrange the altar immediately." "Do it quickly, for I could die." "My son may be a Prince of the Church but he is of a bad breed." "Take my word, Abelito." "He will cause dead issues coming back to life." "And what are you doing here, you atheist?" "Leave me alone." ""Small Balls"!" "At your service, master!" "Lower your arm, Don Braulio." "Is it you, Don Abel?" "Come, come here." "Good evening, Blanca." "I know these are not your regular work hours..." "We doctors don't have a regular schedule." "We are much like you." "Look, doctor." "See what a kitten has sneaked into the kitchen." "You are shocked, aren't you?" "So was I." "Same face, same looks, same nose as "The Cardinaless"." "Don Abel, if the voice spreads my business will bloom again." "Where does she come from?" "From the mountains, from the upper fields." "This is a miracle from Heaven, Don Abel." "Sure, Heaven does not want whorehouses being shut down." "Come on, take off your panties." "She doesn't wear them." "Even better." "Come here." "Sit down." "Did the cat eat your tongue?" "She's a mute, doctor." "Don't insist, Don Abel." "She is like an animal." "Here we go again." "A few months ago, they shut the water down." "And now they are cutting the power." "Well, they won't make me leave." "This little critter, Don Abel, will be my business' salvation." "Who wants to kick you out?" "I don't want to name anyone.... but since they got wind that your brother the Cardinal is coming... they won't leave me alone." "And all because his daughter used to work here." "Pull your skirt up." "Have you seen the police?" "They have been here every day since last week." "They don't say anything, but I know why they are here." "Lie down." "I don't want any faulty merchandise ... because later they'll charge me and I will have to settle." "Have you heard from "The Cardinaless"?" "Nothing, Doctor." "Not a word since she flew away." "She is perfectly healthy." "Come here, my queen." "She's had an abortion." "Sure, Doctor." "Like all the others." "Who performed it?" "Herself, with herbs." "Does she know what she will be doing here?" "Same as she did in the mountain..." "but now she'll be charging for it." "She is a whore, I am telling you." "Same as "The Cardinaless"." "Do you want to be first?" "Dog!" "Dog!" "Hey, dog!" "Good morning." "Good morning, Maria." "Good morning, master Fernando." "All is the same it used to be." "All is the same way I remember it." "You used to bring me a glass of wine." "Have you forgotten?" "That's enough...thank you." "I needed to see someone who was happy with my return." "Because..." "look....see the damage the dog has caused." "You and I do have a daughter, don't we?" "Do you ever see her?" "Let me...." "Here..." "Hey, Valentina... wake up." "You took a long time to return and I fell asleep." "Shall we play?" "No" "Yes!" "If you don't play, I'll evict you." "We cannot play." "He is here." "Who?" "Your son." "Which one?" "The saint." "Who told you that he is a saint?" "My grandma." "And where is he?" "He's with her." "And what were they doing?" "My Granma was sewing his skirt." "Whose skirt?" "His skirt?" "Yes." "And that's all they were doing?" "Yes." "Run, run and tell Jerónima to shut all the doors close." "Valentina, he's here." "Oh, damn!" "Let's hide!" "Mother." "Leave this place." "I don't want to see you." "But mother..." "Leave, you pervert." "I know what you came for." "To leave me in poverty." "A mother having to beg..." "Bad son!" "Is that you?" "My child." "My child..." "My child." "Jerónima..." "You are Jerónima, aren't you?" "Yes, I am." "My suckling baby." "Poor-style potatoes with meat." "There are terms and words, Jerónima, that one can never forget." "For example, codfish with garlic." "Pinto beans with pig's ear and sausage." "Bread crumbs with bacon." "And above all, Jerónima, moraga with entrails." "Amen, Jesus." "Are you going to slaughter the pig?" "But of course, we will." "But all those foods are forbidden to me." "The doctors have put me on a soup diet." "And I am hungrier every day." "Don't tell me that you came here just to eat." "It wouldn't hurt if you reminded your mother and your brother." "The former because she is bad and the latter because he is too docile..." "both of them have lost their appetite." "And then there is that little spoiled girl, she is the only one they pay attention to." "What girl?" "Your little granddaughter, Monsignor." "And pardon me... she is very nice, but may the Lord forgive me..." "And you, get back to the kitchen!" "Ah, if I would say all what I know..." "What do you mean?" "I won't say anything, because then the devil soils our tongues." "And I may be old, but my tongue is as pure as when I had my First Communion." "This revives the dead." "Where is my brother?" "That one was not fed with my milk." "He does not feel the call of the land." "What do you mean?" "I mean, your mother does not hit one right." "That's the one who should have been in Rome instead of you." "But Abel is a atheist, Jerónima." "Precisely." "And for other reasons I'd rather not say." "Where is that priest?" "What, do I have to kiss your ring?" "Blood of Christ that I've never seen." "And now that I see it, I'll give it a shake." "Whose turn is it?" "Mine" "Sure?" "Sure." "The red ball wasn't there." "What do you mean it wasn't there?" "I'll call mother, her memory is like an elephant's." "Mother did not witness this game." "OK, be it your way." "Where was the red ball according to you?" "Right here." "Here?" "That's easy." "That's how they placed them for Pius XII." "Pius XII didn't play pool." "Two cushions." "And pay attention, Abelito." "Hmmm, what a Vatican finesse." "Well, it worked." "How's mother doing?" "Mother started dying when you didn't become Pope." "If we aren't careful, she will live until she is 200." "That's the way she is." "I think she is immortal." "No, don't even try that." "That cannon is a tricky one." "I never even dreamed of becoming Pope." "They scrutinized your resume with a microscope, didn't they?" "Possibly." "I don't know." "Reunion." "Yes, you do know." "I've read your letter." "Maria showed it to me." "I haven't forgotten anything." "My memories are becoming clearer every day." "For example, that the red ball was here instead of where you said it was." "Actually, I was very interested in you reading that letter." "Massé." "You were too clever by half, brother." "I didn't understand anything." "When I read it, I thought it was a dead man's message." "Now you've put yourself into a corner, boy." "Death is virtuous." "Unlike you, I believe death is shameless." "What do you know about my daughter?" "She flew away from here long time ago." "She came back briefly to leave the little girl here." "Who is the little girl's father?" "Anyone who wears pants in a 10 km circle." "Including you?" "You should have seen her when she was 18." "Nobody paid attention to her for a long time." "She was like a wild cat." "I asked you to take care of her." "Why didn't you do it?" "Things look easy when you leave your problem behind." "It has been more than a quarter of a century, just in case you forgot!" "I have a good memory!" "And God makes it sharper when one knocks at His door." "One day....your daughter changed." "She was born free-spirited and free-spirited she will die!" "She leaves when you least expect it." "She may leave for a day ....or for a month." "And then she leaves for one year, or five....!" "Or forever!" "Like you did!" "Where does she go?" "She works....her way." "Doing what?" "She charges....for sleeping with men." "For a special fee, she will even tell who her father is." "Her nickname is "The Cardinaless"" "In your honour!" "I have asked you a question, but you haven't answered it." "I don't care about how many louts have been in bed with her." "I want to know if she has been in bed with you." "Answer me." "No!" "You have taken a big weight off my shoulders." "What's crossing your mind?" "That girl must have our family name." "I am not allowed to recognize her as my daughter" "So you will have to marry her." "Me?" "Who else but you?" "What are you saying?" "Don't even dream about it." "But...but, are you nuts?" "!" "Maybe." "Why are you still single?" "That's my business!" "That 'was' your business, Abelito." "Now it is a family business." "You won't even have to ask for the Church's dispensation for she is not legally your niece." "It was about time, goody-goody." "You think it was nice to make me wait for so long?" "You didn't allow me to see you this morning and now I came to see you sleeping." "I haven't slept for years." "Come closer and sit here." "Is that how a Christian behaves?" "Show me your other cheek." "And now tell me everything." "What happened at the conclave?" "Why didn't they elect you Pope?" "Mother, it probably wasn't the Holy Spirit's will." "Don't give me any excuses." "The truth is you weren't well prepared for it." "And you have always been too stupid and too good to others and everybody takes advantage of you." "If it wasn't for me, you would still be a parish priest." "I should have attended that conclave." "In that case you would have been the chosen one, mother." "Don't be foolish." "Me, foolish?" "Bad son... what's the purpose of your trip?" "Don't tell me, I know." "You came here to ruin me." "And also to see the slut who seduced you." "Mother, you are wrong." "Don't contradict me." "In fact, you have already seen her." "She is the curse of the family, that thankless woman." "She's the reason why they didn't vote for you." "There are no secrets in Rome." "Mother, this is nonsense." "Who cares about the past?" "Are you stupid, boy?" "Either the Holy Spirit or the Guardia Civil, it doesn't make a difference." "Mother... don't you blaspheme." "What do you say, you lout?" "Rumours are that you intent to give half of your inheritance to your purported daughter." "Do whatever you wish with the land... but I must warn you that the Lord's Vineyard is to remain in the family even if it is yours." "Mother, I promise you it will remain in the family." "I have always obeyed you." "I have been 30 years in Rome... because you wanted me to." "A Polish!" "Why did they have to pick a Polish?" "Mother, this is a present for you from the Holy Father." "It has been blessed by Him." "When are you leaving?" "Once I have finished what I came to do here, mother." "It will be soon." "Kneel down." "By the sign of the Holy Cross from our enemies deliver us Oh Lord God." "Now and in the hour of our death." "Amen, Jesus." "The Lord's Vineyard" "Monsignor." "What did you find?" "Everything is here, Monsignor." "Everything?" "All the important stuff." "And the expenses?" "The bill is inside, but it is not urgent." "Did you include the phone calls to Rome?" "Good Lord, Monsignor!" "It has been my pleasure to serve you." "Perhaps more like a penance." "Perhaps a sweet penance." "Did you talk with her?" "Yes, I did." "Is she doing well with that kind of life?" "She looks quite healthy and popular." "She is a no-nonsense woman." "When you read the report, you will find how much I had to pay to talk with her." "Don't tell me that she charged you for talking." "Twenty thousand pesetas." "That's shocking." "And what did she tell you?" "She has no problem in principle but she needs to discuss the details with you." "I would like to know what does she mean by 'details'." "I already told you, Monsignor." "She does not agree." "Apparently, she expects to be the sole heir." "That was my understanding while I was immersed in that haze." "What haze?" "Was it foggy?" "Cigarette smoke and alcohol vapours." "The lady smokes and drinks like a trucker." "And (sorry for this) she speaks about Your Eminence in very strong terms." "It's all here." "Did you tell her about the wedding?" "Yes." "She has no objection." "Have you arranged for a meeting between her and I?" "That was impossible, Your Eminence." "She blatantly refused to come here." "She said she could set the entire village on fire." "She will change her mind after she has inherited it." "All right." "Come here, son." "Are you happy in this parish?" "Yes, Your Eminence." "Would you like to go to Rome?" "I never gave it a thought." "We'll see what can be done." "Does she look like me?" "Physically, not much." "Just a slight family resemblance." "But when she speaks, she reminds me of your mother." "Woman gardener, you who entered the garden of love." "From al the flowers you have watered, tell me which one is the best." "The best one is a rose which dresses in colour" "in whichever colour she wants and its leaf is green." "Good morning, dear vines." "Do you know that more than one bishop is impatiently waiting to become a Cardinal ... so that he can consecrate with your wines?" "Do you know that right now, from where the sun rises to where it sets... they are performing with your juices the miracle of consecration?" "Dear vines and vineyard, the Holy Father is interested in you" "He greets you and sends you His regards." "And I, being just a humble messenger rather than your owner," "I give you His message." "May it descend onto you, today and always." "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit." "Amen." "Damián!" "Where is Damián?" "He has gone out." "My brother wants me to marry your daughter." "Remember the letter he sent you?" "He wasn't just referring to you." "He came to make you whole... and in the meantime he is going to straighten all us up." "Where is your husband?" "He has in his mind that he is going to straighten us, and he will." "We will all be praying the Rosary as a family, which is what he wants." "But what about Damián?" "What does he intend to do with Damián?" "He wants to bring the girl to our house." "Even more, he wants you there as well." "What I don't understand is what he will do with your husband." "He is the only one who could stop all this madness." "Where is your husband?" "He is in the mountains." "Is there something wrong, Maria?" "No." "Did that animal hurt you?" "He is out of his mind." "And rightfully so." "My brother is going to drive all of us insane." "He is already insane.." "and he is going to do something crazy." "Is he going to do.... or already did?" "I've seen this man before." "Really?" "He threw a rock to my window last night... and his dog attacked me the day I arrived." "He is a bad guy, huh?" "Maybe he was nothing but a farmhand with pride." "It is a rare breed, but there are a few left." "There is a lot of vanity behind a suicide." "This is not a suicide, you altar boy." "This is murder." "God be blessed." "Who killed him?" "You did." "Save your rites for the living." "This naive, smug, suicidal man does not need them nor he requested them." "This forgiveness is for you, brother." "That's very kind of you." "Thank you, altar boy." "Don't you dare to give the rites to Damián!" "Do you want to have a look inside of an atheist?" "See?" "There is no blood." "It is like beheading a dead pig." "Poor Damián." "It took a lot of effort to find him." "You were already getting fat in your Rome." "He was a proud farmhand." "Write down, altar boy." "Multiple skull fracture" "This did not prevent the deceased from reaching the water still alive and breathing water into his lungs." "The proof is the water in his lungs." "Therefore, the possible cause of the death was multiple head injuries and asphyxiation caused by drowning." "All indications are that he took his own life." "Even though there are many ways of pushing a man into a well." "I absolve you from your sins." "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit." "Amen." "As usual, the executioners forgive their victims." "This man would still be alive, hadn't you come back to arrange things your way." "But in your vision, there was no place for Damián." "You killed him, brother." "May your God forgive you." "I won't forgive you." "He was a man, Fernando." "He was a good father for your daughter, and a good grandpa for your granddaughter." "Now.... they are both yours." "Master Fernando." "Don't you remember me?" "No" "I am Sagrario." "Sure." "I am your father's winemaker." "Don't you remember?" "No, no." "Don't you remember the day I fell asleep in the stable and both your father and you gave me a good whipping?" "I remember those times, master Fernando." "You whipped me because I deserved it, and I actually enjoyed the whipping." "This whorehouse still smells like a barn." "Cardinaless, my girl!" "Is that you?" "Amazing." "You look beautiful and very elegant." "Will you buy me a drink?" "Or maybe everybody is mourning in this village?" "What a funeral." "Give me a big hug." "Blanca, I swear that I will not come back to this village unless they drag me in." "Hmmm, what a nice perfume..." "and what a lovely hair." "And your manners..." "You are now so classy." "May God preserve your eyesight." "I'm sorry about your father." "Which one of them?" "Stop the nonsense, Cardinaless." "You know who your father is, nothing to be ashamed of." "What a father....and what a guy!" "Old gal...you are shaking." "It's not me...it's the pubic lice, I'm full of them." "What pubic lice?" "Not even the crabs come to this stable any longer." "What are you laughing about, you whore?" "Just a little bite." "I really love you." "You know...you are going to own all this area?" "Don't sing victory yet." "I don't trust those priests." "You should have known that priest before you were born." "If you could see how handsome he was." "He picked all the girls in this area." "All of them but me." "He never paid any attention to me." "I should have been your mother." "But he didn't even look at me." "Do you know that his church's confessionals did smell like this?" "If he is serious about making a Christian will and decides to distribute the vineyards amongst all his children you are going to get one vine each." "You probably hope to be his only child eh, girl?" "Hope?" "What are you talking about?" "He went from village to village on horseback." "He knew how to ride." "Rather than going to say the mass, one would say he was going to a bullfight." "Until one day he changed his ways." "He was sighing like a bullock, he became absent minded..." "One day he even forgot to consecrate during mass." "Your father fell in love." "You know with whom?" "With you." "Tell me, tell me darling." "You should have met your mother when she was your age." "She was exactly like you." "So in some way your father fell in love with you." "Cardinaless, be careful when he meets you...." "What then?" "What will he do to me?" "He will knock you up." "He never missed." "And he hasn't seen you in 30 years." "Hey, you know you are turning me on?" "Bring him here, I'll do it for free." "Today I'm in a good mood." "I love you." "Did you see your mother?" "No." "You are not going?" "I said no." "Once you become rich, will you remember this old tart?" "I have told you not to sing victory." "If I want to inherit, first I must get married." "That's what the priest said." "Really?" "And with whom?" "Make a guess...." "Make a guess." "Ahh." "I'm smelling who the groom may be." "Your uncle, the doctor." "You got that right." "Even with that you are lucky." "He is a good man." "Mmmm...that smell good." "It's rabbit and potato casserole." "And who are you?" "Holy Father, I have killed a man." "I never saw him before." "But the only reason he died is because I am here." "If I didn't come, he would still be alive." "I have read that procreating destroys the one who does it." "If that is the case, how does one achieve the gift of sterility." "I look in the eyes of my granddaughter... and I don't understand how her gaze can be so clear and bright when considering the darkness of her birth." "Did you bring the papers?" "You don't need too many papers to resolve your situation." "That mass wine is yours." "The Lord's Vineyard has dried out and does no longer produce." "So the Pope's only vineyard is the old one..." "That's right." "And who takes care of it?" "That vineyard takes care of itself." "It just needs 15 days of grape harvesting and 15 more to make the most." "In total, one month's work per year." "Then the Bishop's trucks arrive... and they clean us out." "In other words, we have nothing for the rest of the year." "How large is the vineyard?" "Almost 13 hectares." "From the vineyard you have to subtract the field's boundaries, because they belong to another property." "That's the side of Mataguarras, which belongs to your father, the Cardinal." "That is, it's practically yours." "Summing it up, and since those documents don't lie,... half Europe is saying the mass for free, thanks to the folks of this village." "Well, I mean... the ones of us who are left." "Mainly you." "Because they don't pay anything for the more than 17.000 litres of wine that are being produced every year (and that are legally yours) that they take to consecrate in churches all over the place." "So...that's how things are, Doña Dolores." "Do I make myself clear?" "Damn, sure you do, Sagrario." "So, if I inherit that, I can shut the tap to the Vatican." "That's right." "To find another wine like the Blood of Christ, ... one has to travel to the Caucasus." "Which, as you know, is Bolshevik." "Or to Chile." "Those are wines that do not arrive to Europe because they become seasick during the trip." "And how much money would that be?" "Hmmmm....calculating on the low side.... around 100 million pesetas per year." "Half of it would be yours, and half your uncle Abel's." "50 million pesetas?" "Yes." "Sagrario, please help me with the math." "Let's say 10000 pesetas a fuck...." "how many fucks do I need?" "Mmmm, Doña Dolores..." "That's a tough one." "Who knows?" "Here it is." "Thank you, Jerónima." "I wore more or less his same size but now I think I'm fatter than he was." "My father was well built." "It smell like mothballs." "It still smells like a whorehouse, Monsignor." "Does your mother know about this?" "Well, I'm not as fat as I though." "Did you say something, Jerónima?" "Does your mother know about this?" "Give Caesar what belongs to Caesar." "And to God what belongs to the devil." "Did you know that I have seen His Holiness wearing a tracksuit?" "A "tracksuit"?" "What is that?" "Sporting clothes." "The Holy Father dressing like a soccer player?" "I don't believe that." "Stay still, Fernandito." "It's tight." "Where?" "In my groin." "Well, those pants don't have darts." "So you will have to put up with it, Monsignor." "And when it comes to your willy, if you keep it well secured, it will become more saint like." "Jerónima..." "This is a fact, Fernandito." "I know you very well." "Had I cut your thingy when you were born!" "Then we would not be living this drama." "I don't care if the world ends, but I won't miss the old lady's face when she sees you dressed like that." "30 years of holiness only to end in that scoundrel's clothes!" "Jerónima, don't talk this way about my father..." "Please, go." "Put that thing away!" "You depraved, pervert!" "And zip up your pants!" "By Christ, Fernando!" "It's not what you think." "Put yourself comfortable, boy." "One would expect you are tired." "Me, tired?" "And why am I supposed to be tired?" "Nobody believes me." "It's not what you think, Fernando!" "I don't think of anything!" "It is an incunable edition of "St. Augustine's Confessions", from the nun's convent of...." "La Rioja." "My eyesight is excellent, so I... can see what's in front of me." "You are a scoundrel, Abelito." "So don't try to fool me, I've caught you red-handed." "And zip-up your pants, for Heaven's sake!" "How old are you?" "Sixty." "Don't lie about your age!" "See?" "Didn't I tell you?" "Nobody believes me." "I am discredited." "No matter how many times I say things, nobody believes me." "I am the family's laughing stock." "And it's all your fault." "I lost my youth being your pimp." "I sent to your confessional all my female patients." "And this is the way you reward me....imagining things." "One cannot have any privacy even in his own home." "Let's see..." "What have I done to you, huh?" "What have I done to you?" "You haven't done anything to me." "I admit you are a good man, Abel." "But you must admit that you put me in awkward situations." "How could I possibly imagine that at your old age when you should be using sparingly the little energy you have left for the benefit of those children and grandchildren you don't have...." "I repeat, how could I possibly imagine that you haven't changed with that thing in your hand." "This thing is called a "prick"." "I know exactly how it's being called, I haven't forgotten the language." "Fernando...." "I need a miracle." "If I knew how to perform miracles..." "Amazing how you Spaniards like to ask God by the ton... things that God gives only drop by drop." "Is this the chapter from "St. Augustine's Confessions" that you are using as a stimulant?" "Yes!" "So what?" "So I am proposing that you marry a young woman who, as I have been told, is highly stimulant by herself... then you refuse with sophisticated arguments regarding your freedom, and next day I catch you stimulating your imagination with masturbation, like a teenager... using a picture of that very same young woman." "Well, aren't you ashamed of yourself?" "NO!" "If at my age they take this away from me, then what am I supposed to do?" "Just channel your shameful impulses the way Nature intended." "Nature....has betrayed me." "Well, what has Nature done to you?" "I can't...." "I can't perform" "What kind of vulgarity is that?" "I can't do it." "Are you trying to tell me that you... never completed sexual intercourse?" "That's right." "You mean that a real woman does not stimulate you?" "Quite the opposite." "I get an erection as hard as a donkey's." "Then I don't understand." "I want to confess." "Stop behaving like a clown." "But...weren't you an agnostic?" "What the fuck 'agnostic'?" "I am 100% atheist!" "But I don't trust you." "C'mon, let's go on with the confession." "I won't hear it." "Either you keep my confession a secret, or I'll leave immediately." "Well, will you hear my confession, or shall I leave?" "As you wish." "Hail Purest Mary." "Conceived without sin." "What are your sins, my son?" "I don't have any sins, Father." "I have masturbated for 50 years and I feel no remorse." "Then, why do you want to confess?" "Because I don't trust you." "If I tell you outside a confession, you will tell mother." "So, that's how you feel about me after 50 years." "All right, kneel." "Have you sinned with women?" "Not with women, no." "Why not?" "Because when I feel their skin..." "What?" "I explode." "I come...." "I'll be damned." "What you have is premature ejaculation." "Yes." "C'mon, c'mon boy." "Have a seat." "Look, Abel." "If all men had to confess how quickly they come, the Church would have to replace its confessionals with soccer fields." "But you didn't have that problem." "I did, like everybody else." "But I held it." "And how can one hold it?" "There are many ways." "Well, I have tried all of them." "Have you tried thinking that you are travelling in the narrow-gauge train to Ponferrada." "Not in the one to Ponferrada, but rather in the one to Medina de Rioseco." "Well, it wouldn't make a difference in this case." "And it didn't work?" "No." "What about the thumb?" "Have you tried biting your thumb?" "What's that about?" "Well it's....very easy." "Let's see." "Your premature ejaculation... is it inside or outside?" "Outside." "Without penetration." "Without penetration." "In cases like this, when you feel the urge... you stick your thumb in your mouth." "The right hand thumb" "Don't you forget it, for you are left-handed." "And bite it hard, until the urge is gone." "Does it hurt?" "Of course, it hurts a lot!" "Saint Augustine taught us that the straight path to concupiscence is painful sometimes." "Look, this chapter of "The Confessions"" "is no longer of any use to you." "Go, sheep!" "Go!" "One-two-three-four-five-six" "Here." "Is it here where you come with the sheep?" "This is a nice place." "I also used to come here as a kid, to see the wolves during the winter." "They used to cross over there." "No, dummy, they cross this other way." "I even did pet one of them." "Aha!" "What are you looking for?" "A treasure." "Whose treasure?" "A pirate's, of course." "Can I help you?" "Sure." "You dig out the sand." "Let me have the stick." "This way I'll dig a hole quicker." "That's it." "Very good." "More." "Here it is!" "Really?" "Look." "That's the first present I got from my father." "I buried it here when he died." "Was your father a pirate?" "Of course." "Do you know what is this?" "No." "This is snow." "How beautiful!" "And how cruel." "Hello, handsome." "Good morning." "Yes, they are good." "Yes, they are." "There is not even one cloud." "That's because yesterday we had wind from the East." "Of course, that explains it." "OK, have a nice day." "So, what are you doing here?" "I was going to ask you the same question." "What brings you here?" "I came to a wedding." "Who is getting married?" "The two of us, and following the Church's ritual." "Eh,..yes...that's what I've been told." "OK, have a nice day." "Why are you in such a hurry, handsome?" "No..." "I'm not in a rush." "I just have nothing to say." "I must warn you that the wedding thing was not my idea." "It wasn't mine, either." "OK, then." "Have a nice day." "You too." "I forgot to tell you something." "Your father wants to see you." "That doesn't surprise me." "I look good, don't I?" "Yes." "Thanks for the compliment." "You are welcome." "So, he wants to see me?" "That's what he said." "I have been told to be careful with him, for when he sees me he'll knock me up." "You can bet on that." "You tell him that I don't allow pimps." "This is a public house and I am not hiding." "If he wants to see me, he just has to show up and pay." "I'll let him know" "Have a nice day." "You too." "What now, handsome?" "Didn't you leave?" "No." "Nice day, isn't it?" "Yes, it is." "That's because yesterday we had wind from the East." "How was the vintage?" "It's over." "Lots of grapes?" "Lots, but poor quality." "From Matalaguarra's side, not great.... and on the Nun's Fart side." "Did you know that when you are close-by you don't look so old and ugly?" "You are getting soaked." "Why don't you come in?" "No." "Are you scared?" "Scared...from what, girl?" "Then come in, you are getting cold out there." "And I came to attend a wedding, not a funeral." "Thanks, girl." "Did you get hurt?" "No." "Does it hurt here?" "No!" "And here?" "No!" "Then, which part does hurt?" "My thumb!" "Which one?" "The one in my right hand, dammit!" "Let's go, María." "No, I won't go." "I'm scared." "Stop the nonsense." "You don't belong here." "You are going to the house where you belong." "And you can go there with pride." "No, I am not going." "I said I am not going, master Fernando." "Do you know what Christ said to Lazarus?" "'Stand up and walk'" "And Lazarus left his grave." "I am not Christ and you are not Lazarus." "But Maria, this place has turned into a grave." "Bout you and I, or people like us, do feel good being in a grave." "But not the girl." "Do it for her." "Yes..." "I'll go later." "Why don't you take the girl home?" "I will go later, when it's dark." "Stand up right now!" "C'mon, in front of me!" "I want to see you leaving!" "But I will eat in the kitchen." "You will eat where I tell you." "But I will be the maid servant." "There are no maid servants in the Kingdom of Heaven." "Get out!" "Move on!" "I'm your mother." "Who put those stairs here?" "Remove them!" "Is it a hog, or a sow?" "A sow." "Son, sit here by my side." "All of you, sit down." "Kill her." "In the bick, it carries thread." "Give it to me to sow... my wounded heart." "The heart is wounded, wounded by a Moorish woman." "The 'moraga'." "Thirty years without tasting it." "Hm." "Dad used to make us gather here in afternoons like this one." "Remember, Abel?" "The only thing I remember seeing of him was his back." "Yes, on his way to have a good time with who knows which whore." "I only remember his voice and his smell." "He did stink." "I think I have eaten too much moraga." "He will say now that he has things to do, then he will leave." "Isn't she going to come?" "No." "You will have to go and pick her up." "Mother...." "I have things to do." "Didn't you forget something?" "What?" "Admission is not free in those places.... unless you are a regular customer." "And this is not your case." "Take this." "What are all these people doing here?" "You brought them here, brother." "I don't see that girl." "Where is the Cardinaless?" "She is busy." "It still smells like a stable." "Master Fernando." "Don't you remember me?" "No." "I am Sagrario, the undertaker." "Oh, good." "I am your father's winemaker." "Don't you remember?" "No." "Don't you remember when I fell asleep here, while this was still a stable, and you and your father whipped me?" "It seems like we didn't whip you hard enough." "You are Sebastian." "Yes, Father." "I thought you have died." "In certain way..." "What are all of you doing here?" "Are you the owner of this whorehouse?" "Yes, Majesty." "At your disposal." "I have to give you this trash." "I hope there is enough to buy a glass of water." "Thank you." "It's hot in here." "Are you in pain?" "Nah." "What's the matter?" "Gentlemen, clear this place!" "All of you, please!" "C'mon, quickly!" "C'mon, there is nothing to see in here!" "C'mon, gentlemen." "Quickly, gentlemen." "Keep going, please." "Keep going." "May I sit down?" "Cover yourself." "Dog, get out!" "They, too, made you put your ears down." "We're old." "Each of us needs a bit to keep our beds warm." "Have you been baptized?" "No." "My father didn't let me." "They didn't exaggerate when they said you were very beautiful." "I'm taking after you." "Are you OK?" "Bring me some water." "He wants some water." "Be careful." "It is not apparent, but he is dying." "On your knees." "I baptize you, María de los Dolores." "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit." "Amen." "First, let's put one finger of aged wine from the Lord's Vineyard, which in certain way is the main ingredient." "I have already tasted it." "It is extremely bitter." "It is a black wine." "It scratches your throat, like if you were swallowing a cat." "They are old vines and they produce very hard resins." "Look at it." "It is like syrup." "Are these the Pope's vines?" "Yes." "Nobody can drink that wine." "You have to blend it with one finger of light must from the vines from Pig's Grove, and that one is yours." "Or your daughter's, if she inherits it." "She will inherit it, Sagrario." "Do you see how it gets a blood-like colour?" "Try it now." "It is a bit sour." "Of course, wine does not lie." "And now you add one finger of white must from (sorry about the name) the Nun's Fart vineyard, which belongs to your brother." "See how it is becoming clearer?" "It's true." "It's becoming lighter." "Like if it was becoming alive." "That's correct." "And sorry for asking, Monsignor, but," "¿do you know anything about wines?" "Nothing." "That's why they take advantage." "Wait..." "The wine is starting to look like a Blood of Christ, but it is not." "It still needs one finger of this wine," "It is a Golden Malmsey, from a young vine which is also owned by your brother." "Now you taste it." "It is pure Blood of Christ." "The very same." "As you see, four fingers high, but only one is the Pope's." "And the other three, he (pardon me) is stealing them." "And that is a lot of money in pesetas, Excellency." "Do I make myself clear?" "How much, Sagrario?" "A few hundred million per year." "That's too many pesetas." "May I have another drink?" "Of course." "Three quarters of this wine belongs to you." "You don't have to ask for permission." "You can drink a whole earthen jar if you wish." "Do you have some bread, Sagrario?" "No, I have no bread, just some pickled olives;" "we keep them here to clear the taste." "Give me one." "Look, Sister, that contraption..." "Monsignor...." "Silence..." "The pace is changing." "Monsignor...." "You have a call from Rome." "Tell them I've died." "Monsignor...it's the Pope!" "Oh, Lord." "This man does not miss one." "Look, look!" "By God, Monsignor." "It is the Holy Father!" "I heard you, Sister." "I am not deaf." "Take a seat and watch." "Look." "When the dot draws a line, will I be dead?" "Yes." "A straight line and a bell ringing." "And could I see it?" "Of course." "You will see it with your soul's eyes." "That's good." "It's nice to have some sort of a warning." "So, when it becomes a dot and the bell rings, I will be in the Lord's hands." "Give it to me." "Hello?" "Hello?" "!" "Yes, Holy Father." "It's me." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Yes, good." "I should be dead by now, but they are extending my life against all logic." "It is difficult to interpret the Providence's wishes.... with an expressionless gadget hooked up to my heart, Holy Father." "Could I suggest to Your Holiness that they disconnect me?" "Remove everything." "Call the doctor." "Call him and tell him to disconnect me." "Hello?" "Yes, yes." "No, Your Holiness." "You'll need another Council to make me shave my beard." "No, no." "No" "My bones will remain here, Holy Father." "What?" "What did I learn?" "That a straight line is the shortest distance between two points." "When I have crossed that line I will be ready to pray for the Church." "What?" "Yes, Your Holiness." "I'm afraid..." "I'm afraid." "And with Your Spirit." "God's Light, Perpetual Light May descend upon all of you forever." "Amen." "The vineyard?" "The Lord's Vineyard... it has dried-out, Holy Father." "Same as I." "Yes, Your Holiness." "I have forgotten everything." "I know my sin cannot be forgiven." "I accuse myself of having killed the Son of God." "Do you understand?" "I killed the shepherd." "I don't remember anything." "I think I'm crossing the line." "The frontier..." "I think I have died, Your Holiness." "Please, don't cry." "Don't cry." "I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit." "Amen."