"?" "Send all the humdrum day-to-day way away?" "?" "And take a little chance Let's play with happenstance?" "?" "So why not long shot?" "You're never gonna know?" "?" "You'll never, ever find out if you don't let go?" "?" "It just takes a moment?" "?" "A moment?" "?" "To change everything?" "?" "Everything?" "?" "Turn it upside down?" "?" "It just takes a moment?" "?" "To turn everything?" "?" "Everything?" "?" "Everything upside down?" "?" "A better day is right ahead of me?" "?" "Why not let it begin?" "?" "Follow every bit of destiny?" "?" "I throw my sail in the wind?" "?" "It just takes a moment?" "?" "To change everything?" "?" "Everything?" "?" "Turn it upside down?" "?" "It just takes a moment?" "Ah, jolie!" "Ah, oui!" "?" "Everything upside down?" "?" "Upside down?" "?" "Upside down?" "Buongiorno." "Prego." "Buongiorno." "Buongiorno." "Buongiorno." "Buongiorno, sorella." "Ladies and gentlemen, I am Paolo Moretti, and I welcome you on board of our tour of Paris, which, by the way, is a city that was founded by the Romans... in 54 Before Christ." "I will be giving you the true story, and not some old, boring history lesson about Paris." "In fact, Paris is the most Italian city outside of Italy." "Ja." "Ja." "Oh!" "This is the Arc de Triomphe." "It was built in 1836... and is, of course, modeled after the Roman... triumphal arches that still stand in Rome." "It's not really a very good copy of the Italian arches." "I mean, it's a..." "Well, I wouldn't say anything to the French, because they like their arches very much, and they would feel really bad... if they knew this is a poor copy." "But if you really wanna see a beautiful arch, you must go to Italy." "?" "Oh, last stop Paris?" "?" "Looks like I'm here to stay?" "?" "Looks like I'm here to stay?" "Check this out." "What is it, a mobile disco?" "It's an engagement ring, idiot." "Paolo, I am overwhelmed." "I mean, I must call my parents at once." "I didn't think I'd get married again after my third wife." "It's for Greta." "Well, I do hope we can be friends still, because I think what we had together was very special." "Grazie." "Does it feel hot in here?" "Um, it might be a little warm, yes." "No, I mean, like, really hot... like, uh, sweltering, suffocating hot, like a sauna." "Like you can barely breathe." "No?" "Maybe some cold water?" "Yeah." "Good idea." "Hmm?" "Now I'm sweating." "So, I was thinking, like, uh, when you have a baby, like the baby is sleeping, and you want to go for a pizza, like the last minute, right, you just can't do it anymore, right?" "They deliver." "Ah." "Ah, they deliver." "Okay, Greta, we've been living together for three years, no?" "So..." "Two months, 11 days, seven hours and four minutes." "You have an app in your phone that tells you how long you lived with a man?" "No, not with a man." "Only you." "I got it after we met on the Rome flight... because I knew that I would never have to reset it." "That's nice." "Let's see." " I have something to ask you." " Mmm!" "But I can't really breathe, so..." "I can't catch my breath." "Paolo, take long, deep breaths, and then ask your question, hmm?" "Very good." "And now we need to get organized here." "Is there maybe something you wanted to give me?" "Yes." " Maybe you wanted to kneel?" " I know." "I'm sorry." "Push the button." "It's beautiful." "May I?" "Aspetta." "Greta, you are my life, and I want to ask you, with all my heart, if you will marry me and be my wife." "This is how much I love you." "Now?" "Yeah." "I would be very, very happy to marry you, Paolo." "It's such a beautiful restaurant here, and it's so lovely of you to bring me here to propose to me." "But would you maybe prefer pizza?" "Yes." "Yes." "They deliver." "No." "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why this motorcycle?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" " Who are these people?" " Okay, pause." "Pause." " No, no." " Pause." "Ready?" "Mm-hmm." "Okay, go." "Go." "By." "Nice." "Still no by." "Who's this?" "Yes!" "I don't like this game anymore." "Because you're bad." "And I'm good." "And now..." "Mm-hmm?" "Talk to me in Italian, please." "Come on." "Work that Roman magic on me." "I'm not from Rome." "I'm from Palermo." "I heard about that." "And now let's hear some Italian." "I don't want to talk Italian." "Talk to me in German." "Yeah, right." "What?" "Paolo, seriously." "You can't make love in German." "Why not?" "I mean, like, German people make love in German all the time, no?" "The only thing you can do in German is make sure everything is in the proper order." "Eins, zwei, drei, vier, and then you come together." "Well, I don't want to talk Italian." "Talk to me in German." "I'm tired of talking Italian all the time." "Say some beautiful German words." "Come on." "I don't know what I'd say." "Just say the first thing that comes to your mind, please." "Okay." "More German." "Louder." "Louder." "Louder?" "Okay." "Ooh." "Ah!" "Hey, guys." "Formidable." "Show me." "Ah." "One minute, s'il te plaît." "There is a diamond there somewhere." "Yes?" "That's not just the reflection of the light?" "You're impossible." "Paolo is a bus driver." "He saved a year for this." "I was just joking, chérie." "It's a beautiful ring." "And I couldn't be happier that you're in love." "All marriages should start out this way, uh, before..." " Before what?" " Nothing." "You should enjoy it while it lasts." "Especially with an Italian." "Did I tell you you look radiant today?" "Really." "You're lit up with love, chérie." " Why is he doing this?" " He's French." "He can't help it." "They think they invented love." "Uh, it's true." "We did." "They don't call it German kissing, do they?" "François, I'm horribly sorry I ever showed you the ring." "You need help." "Okay." "Um, want to have a drink with me when we get to..." "Where are we going today, Fritz?" "Munich, I think." "Munich." "So how about a drink in Munich?" "?" "I made up my mind?" "?" "Leave it all back far behind?" "?" "No trouble or grief?" "?" "Gonna be dead by me?" "?" "I said no trouble or grief gonna be?" "I mean, I had to literally, like, guide him through the whole proposal." "You guarded him?" "No, I didn't guard him." "I guided him." "Ah." "I worry about you and Paolo, chérie." "You do?" "Uh-huh." "Why?" "Because men prefer women who are, um..." "How shall I put this?" "More French." "No, François." "You prefer women who are "more French,"" "and who will say "Oui, mon amour." "Oui, oui, oui."" "And they're gonna put their arms around you when you walk, and they're gonna hang on your every word, and they're gonna say," ""Whatever you want, sweetie." "Just say the word, hmm?"" "Oh!" "Maybe there is something I could be able to do for you right now?" "Hmm?" "Paolo and I are just fine." "You don't have to worry." "Enjoy our hotel." "Hi, Gerd." "Hello." "Will that be one room, or two?" "One." "Two." "Hello?" "You know what this means?" "This is your last chance for a fling." "It's not gonna happen." " Paolo is Italian, right?" " Mm-hmm." "Italian men think that "fidelity"... is the name of the woman who lives across the hall." "They can't help it." "It's genetic." "François, I'm gonna go to my very own room now." "Danke." "I'm gonna soak." "I'm gonna try to forget what you've done to me today." "Okay." "I'm not finished yet." "No, no, no." "No, no, no." "No, no, no." "Just..." "Zzzt!" "I've known Paolo for three years now, and he's just not the type who will get attracted... to the first good-looking woman that passes by." "Thanks." "Oh." ""George peeked inside." "He was trying to see what was making the swirls, when all of a sudden"..." ""The chocolates began coming out faster and faster." "They sped by him so quickly, they seemed to be running on legs of their own."" "D'accord?" "And this is the famous Louvre Museum." "Once a royal fortress in the 13th century, now it's considered one of the most famous museums in the world." "Not difficult." "I mean, they got all these Italian paintings." "They got Leonardo, they got Michelangelo," "Caravaggio, Giotto, et cetera, et cetera." "Many of which, by the way, were stolen from Italy." "Huh!" "What are you gonna do?" "Beautiful doesn't even begin to describe her." "She was like, um, perfect." "She had, uh..." "She was radiating in light." "Am I missing something here, brother?" "Aren't you getting married to Greta?" "She smiled at me." "Well, she's been waiting three years for you to propose." "I'm amazed she didn't yodel Beethoven." "Not Greta." "The girl on the bicycle smiled at me." "Which Beethoven?" "I don't know, man." "One of his operas." "Look." "You gotta forget about this girl on the bicycle, Paolo, all right?" "It wasn't just a smile." "Merda!" "I've gotta get this girl out of my head." "I know, I know." "Yeah." "You have, right?" "So let's say good-bye to the beautiful girl on the bicycle with the gorgeous smile, right?" "See you later." "Ta-ta." "Adios." "Ciao." "Ta-ta, ciao, ciao." "Done." "Away from my head." "She gone?" "She's out of my head." "Good!" "I promise." "Very good." "She's out of my head." "I'm never gonna mention her anymore." "Well done." "I'm done." "Okay, are you waving at me, Paolo?" "No." "I was stretching my arm." "No, you were waving at me." "I wasn't aware I was waving." "Like, I don't know." "Maybe I was caught up in the moment." "I won't wave anymore." "Can't call her." "Her husband's back in town for the weekend." "Did I tell you she waved at me?" "Who?" "Oh, don't tell me." "The girl on the fuckin' bicycle." "Can't call her." "She's dead now." "I waved back." "I also waved at Greta though." "Greta was on the bicycle, too, was she?" "I thought she was in Munich." "I'm talking about yesterday." "Me and Greta..." "we were having sex, and I waved." "Hmm." "You were having sex with Greta while you were waving at the girl on the bicycle?" "No." "Greta was on top of me." "I thought it was the girl on the bicycle, so I waved." "Paolo, can I ask you something?" "Have you gone totally fuckin' bonkers?" "You think I want this?" "It just happened." "This girl has possessed me completely." " I don't know if you noticed." " Oh, yeah." "I've noticed." "?" "Come on, let's play Let's go outside?" "Okay, sweetheart." "Now, all you have to do is remember to wet the soap and hold it in your left hand." "I'm right-handed." " Cécile." " Yeah?" "Do you think you can grip the soap just a tiny bit tighter?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "I'm so sorry." " Excellent." "Merde!" "I'm sorry." "I lost my grip." "Putain!" "I'm sorr..." "Are you okay?" "You think this is funny?" "No." "No." "So, can we all behave like professionals here?" " Mm-hmm." " Good." "Thank you." "I'm ready." "Are we done now?" "Because, you see, it took two hours longer than I expected to do your hair and makeup, and we only have this studio for one hour more, so we really need to get this done now." " Yeah." " Good." "?" "Come away with me?" "Now let's see that face of being in paradise." "?" "So long We'll see you soon?" "Now hold it." "D-D-Don't..." "Hold it tight." "Don't let it slip!" "Oh, merde!" "Get that soap, Cécile, and get it now!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "I'm so sorry." "Stupid soap is in here somewhere." " No, no!" " No, don't..." "Got it!" "Nobody's going to buy your stupid soap anyway, 'cause they won't be able to hold it in their hand for two seconds, dummies!" "Yeah, good-bye, Cécile!" "Yeah, yeah, good-bye!" "Look, man." "This one's a piece of cake, right?" "Meet the girl on the bicycle." "Why?" "I'm getting married with Greta." "I love her." "She's perfect for me." "So..." "That's why you've gotta meet her, right?" "'Cause no girl, not even some beautiful girl on a bicycle, could ever measure up to your fantasy of her." "Are you sure about this?" "It's my speciality." "I don't think it's gonna work." "Trust me, right?" "The rub is to get her telephone number." "Numéro de téléphone, s'il vous plaît." "Numéro de téléphone?" "S'il vous plaît." "S'il vous plaît." "Yeah." "Numéro de téléphone, s'il vous plaît." "Numéro de téléphone, s'il vous plaît." "Numéro de téléphone, s'il vous plaît." "Bravo." "Under the golden dome is buried Napoléon." "Napoléon, you have to know, was Italian." "His real name was Napoleone di Buonaparte." "Now what you're now seeing, that building over there with the big hole in the middle... that is the world-famous Arc de Triomphe." "Now there's two of these in existence, and a lot of people don't realize this." "There's one here in Paris, and the other one is in Las Vegas, Nevada." "?" "Oh, last stop Paris?" "?" "It looks like I'm here to stay?" "?" "I'd rather be walking on the Champs-Élysées?" "And this is Notre Dame Cathedral, which was started in the year 1163... and finished in the year 1345." "182 years to finish a church." "I mean, in Italy, we build them almost overnight." "But what are you gonna do?" "?" "Last stop Paris Looks like I'm here to stay?" "?" "Looks like I'm here to stay?" "?" "And I'll be settling down for coffee?" "?" "Or should I say a café?" "?" "?" "Strolling along the Seine?" "?" "Oh, last stop Paris I made up my mind today?" "?" "Last stop Paris?" "?" "There's nothing more I can say?" "?" "Last stop Paris Looks like I'm here to stay?" "Quoi?" "Numéro de téléphone, s'il vous plaît." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Now you'll be seeing the real Paris that almost no tourist has ever seen." "Ahead of us, you will see the sewing shop." "Very good if you need sewing... if it's not August, and if it's open." "Hi." "Hi." "It's me." "Call me back, Schnute." "What are you doing?" "Paolo always calls me at lunchtime if I'm not flying." "He hasn't called." "We're now passing a wine bar." "They have wine." "They also have free peanuts..." "if it's not August, and if it's open." "Well, suppose that just this one time he decided not to call." "Nothing bothers an Italian more than a plan." "Show him a schedule, and he swats at it like a mosquito." "I think I'm gonna call him again." "Whoa!" "Hmm." "Maybe there's a good reason he's not calling." "What's a good reason?" "He's dead?" "No." "Mm..." "Mm-mmm." "No." "No, please, give him a break!" "No!" "You don't understand, François." "Your cell phone is your relationship." "You go from e-mails to texting to actually talking." "He's probably just taking a nap on his bus." "Café, croissant." "Buon appetito!" "Well, you got a chance of seeing a different..." "Where did you go?" "Huh?" "Sorry?" "Numéro de téléphone, s'il vous plaît." "Brava, brava." "Numéro de téléphone, s'il vous plaît." "What?" "Au revoir." "Moshi-moshi." "I ran over the girl on the bicycle, man." "Excellent solution." "Fast and final." "I didn't kill her." "Well, that's too bad, 'cause that definitely would have solved the problem." "You manage to get her phone number?" "No." "That's why I ran her over." "Oh, well, that should teach her." "If she refuses next time, throw her off the Eiffel Tower, or maybe drown her in the Seine." "Eventually, she's got to give you her phone number." "Very funny, man." "Her name is Cécile." "Cécile Laurent." " You spoke to her?" " No, I'm at the hospital." "I heard the nurses say her name." "Also, I've been fired." "I can't marry Greta without a job." "Find me another job." "Excuse me." "Gotta go." "Uh, how is Cécile Laurent?" "We only can give out information to immediate family." "Are you her husband?" "Yeah, I'm the husband." "She has a broken leg and a broken arm, but only minor fractures." "She'll be fine in a few weeks." "We have her on strong pain medication, so she's a little drugged out now." "But you should be able to take her home soon." "Take her home soon." "Mmm." "Yeah." "Once you find someone to take care of her, you can go back to work." "Do you want to see her?" "I'll be back." "Children." "Children!" "Papa!" "Papa!" "Papa!" "Papa!" "Ah, my sweet, dear children, eh?" "You were right, maman." "Papa speaks English." "Mm-hmm." "Time to go home, everybody." "Let's go in." "Hold the door." "Hold the door." "Very good." "Oop." "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry." "All right." "Let's do it!" "Okay." "I'm hungry." "Me too." "Okay." "You can go get something to eat." "I'm six years old." "I'm five, Papa." "Papa?" "Che Papà?" "Okay." "Let's get something straight right away." "Hmm..." "Julien." "Claire." "Okay, Julien and Claire, I'm not sure where you got this idea, but I'm definitely not, uh... not, uh..." "Not what?" "I'm not, uh..." "I'm not sure what there is, uh, to eat for dinner." "Where is the kitchen?" "Allora." "Where is the food?" "Maman didn't buy it yet." "She buys it on her way home." "Now I'll go buy some real food downstairs." "You play." "You left your phone in the locker?" "He left his phone in the locker at the depot." "What time will you be home for dinner tonight?" "No, Greta, the thing is that, um, the union decided to do this thing at the last minute." "I don't..." "It's a meeting that, uh, I don't know how long it's gonna last." "But probably it will last a long time." "I mean, I don't know." "Well, okay, then I'm just gonna put your dinner in the fridge, and you can microwave it?" "Brava, perfetto." "He has a union meeting tonight." "Greta, who's there?" "Nobody." "Just a friend." "He's one of the pilots." "You haven't met him." "Okay." "Bacio." "Bacio back." "Paolo took me here the first night we met." "I love it here." "If you ever want to find me, here's where I am." "And I don't believe for one second that he left his phone in his locker." "Spaghetti." "Prego." "I'm happy you're back home." "Me too, although you were away a very long time." "Too long." "You should stay here and not kill dragons, Papa." "Well, takes a long time to kill dragons." "And if you don't call me "Papa," that would be good." "Thank you." " We can't call you "Papa"?" " We can't call you "Papa"?" "No, you can call me Papa if you want, but not so often." "I mean, at least until we get to know each other." "You know?" "Could you say the story of how you killed the dragon when we go to bed?" "Bed." "That's a good idea." "When do you go to bed?" " After dinner." " And our bath." "Hmm." "Okay, if you want to know the whole story about how I killed the dragon, finish your pasta very quickly, and go get your bath." " I'm six years old." " I'm five." "Maman bathes us." "Well, probably not tonight." "And I was in the mouth of the dragon." "Then I put my feet like this and my arms like this, and I kept the mouth open." "Then I took my sword, and I plunged it through his tongue... and hit all the way down to his throat." "And the dragon wanted to spit fire, but he couldn't because of my sword." "And then all the fire went into his sinuses, and then he had to sneeze." "And so he wanted an antihistamine, but he couldn't ask for antihistamine because he couldn't talk." "So he was desperate." "And then I saw him become puffy, puffy, puffy, puffy, puffy." "And then he sneezed, boom, and he sneezed me out of his mouth." "So I was free all of a sudden." "I look at him, and he goes like..." "Pwah!" "An enormous sneeze." "And all this nasal mucus there." " And then he..." " dropped and fell... in this giant puddle of nasal mucus, and he drowned." "And he was dead." " Bravo!" " Bravo!" "It was easy really." "Shh." "Good night." "Maman wakes us up at 7:00 for school." "7:00?" "Okay, I'll wake you up at 7:00." "Good night." "Sleep." "Moshi-moshi." "No." "Moshi-moshi yourself." "You don't know in what kind of shit you put me in, man." "Cécile has two children." "Well, there you go." "That ought to do it." "No, they think I'm their father." " Now why is that?" " I don't know why is that." "They just do." "Who cares why?" "I mean, they think I've been away chasing dragons." "So did you, uh, rescue the princess, or you gotta go back to get her?" "No, the princess... she took so many pills, she's like in a coma." "Where are you, man?" "I'm on my way to Greta." "And, by the way, if she calls you, you have to tell her that we were at a union meeting tonight... me and you." "Oh, we got a union now, have we?" "That's all I could think about, man." "So now put down your stupid guitar, and find someone... who can take care of Cécile and the kids." "Any specific qualifications?" "Yes." "She should not be beautiful and not ride a bicycle." "Oui." "Yeah." "Um..." "We are looking for Rue Saint-Jacques." "Oui." "Yeah?" "It's on the left, at the next..." "Why don't you speak to me in French, eh?" "Do you know how much money I've spent having French lessons?" "Right?" "No one in this city will speak a word to me in French." "I've had three French wives, man." "Not one of them would speak to me in French." "Do you know how maddening that is?" "What time is it?" "6:00." "I'm going jogging." "Wait." "Didn't you just go out?" "Yeah, but I really didn't get enough of a workout." "I..." "I want..." "want to do more." "Paolo." "What?" "What?" "What are you thinking?" "I don't know, Paolo." "What am I thinking?" "It's true." "I really wanna go jogging." "Bonjour, bambini." "Time to get up." "Come on." "E uno, due... e... tre!" "Hey!" "Now you're up." "You don't have any clean clothes?" "Bonjour." "Feeling better?" "You hit me with your bus." "Yes, I know." "I'm really sorry." "I am Paolo." "Really sorry." "Why are you in my apartment if you hit me with your bus?" "Well, because I'm taking care of you and the kids." "Not for long, because I have to find a job." "Here." "What's that?" " The telephone." " Yes, thank you." "I know." " But why are giving it to me?" " So you can call someone to help you until you get better." "I mean, take care of the kids." "Like who?" "I don't know." "Your parents?" "Morocco." "Uh..." " You hit me with your bus." " Yeah, I know that." "But there's gotta be someone gonna be able to take care of you and the kids." "I mean, I don't know." "Like, uh, you have an uncle, an aunt?" "Uh, uh..." "Do you have someone from Facebook?" "No." "Uh, what about your ex-husband?" "No." "He's not my ex-husband." "We were never married, and now he's living in Australia with his wife and two children, so..." "I can't believe you hit me with your bus." "Well, and I can't believe that you haven't told your children... that their father is not coming back." " Okay." "Let's try something new." " Yeah." "Excellent idea." "Maybe you can get me some breakfast." "Please?" "Breakfast?" "Okay." "Uh..." "Excuse me." "Why do the... the kids think I'm their father?" "I know the answer to that." "Because that's what you told the nurse." "Now can I get my breakfast, please?" "No." "I didn't tell the nurse that I'm their father." "I told the nurse that I'm your husband." "You told her that?" "But why?" "Ah, so you could get my phone number." "No, no, no, no." "Yeah, yeah, yes, yes." "You kept asking me for my phone number." " Why were you doing that?" " Why was I doing that?" "Derek." "A friend of mine." "I told him, uh, that I saw this beautiful girl on a bicycle... you... and he wants to meet you." "He has a thing for, uh, beautiful women." "I go get the breakfast." "Oh, I thought the number was for you." "No, it wasn't for me." "Why would I need your phone number?" "By the way, I'm engaged to get married, just so you know." "Okay, then why did you tell the nurse you were my husband?" "Because I had to find out how you were." "That's it." " Why?" " Because I hit you with my bus." "Voilà!" "You're still eating?" "Finish up." "We have to leave in five minutes." "There's always so much pressure around here." ""Get out of bed."" ""Dress." "Finish your breakfast." "Go to school."" "It's not good for my nerves." "Huh." "If you really wanna see something that is not gonna be good for your nerves, try not to be ready in five minutes." "Okay." "Ciao, Julien." "Bye-bye, Papa." "Au revoir, Papa." "Ciao, Claire." "Bye." "Ah, Paolo." "Hello." "I called for you, but you weren't here." "I was out doing laundry." "The children have no clean clothes." " What are you doing there?" " I'm trying to get to the bathroom." " I've been holding it forever." " Hmm." "Hello?" "Are-Are you going to help me?" "Bathroom?" "Paolo." "Huh?" "Paolo, I've been in this gown forever." "I really need you to help me get on some clean "clotheses."" ""Clotheses"?" "In the armoire here, on the left side is a bra and panties." "Now." "Done." "Yeah, no, not done." "My breasts go inside the bra." "They're not inside the bra?" "Okay." "Done." "Okay." "Now can you..." "No." "I'm not gonna do your panties." "There are some scissors over there in the sewing basket." "You have to tell the children I'm not their father, okay?" "Yes." "I'll tell them as soon as you bring them back from school." "Well, we should break it to them gently." "Julien is under a lot of pressure." "I'm afraid that if we do it too quickly," "I mean, it's gonna be bad for his nerves." "Uno, due." "E... stop!" "Turn around!" "I like marching." "Ah, you do, huh?" "You do." "Can we do it all the time?" " Your bus broke down?" " The motor started smoking." "The brakes started smoking." "There was black smoke everywhere." "Sounds terrible." "Okay." "Look at me." "Brava." "Twist." "?" "I need a piece of apple pie?" "Good night, huh?" "?" "Take my hand, and walk with me?" "?" "There's so much beauty here to see?" "Julien, come on." "?" "Shining, shining?" "?" "So inviting?" "Oh." "Little bit." "?" "All the world?" "?" "I'm happy as can be?" "Uh, no, no, Paolo." "It's gonna take a while because there is, like, a traffic jam now." "It's rush hour." "I'm completely surrounded by cars." "Everything is blocked." "?" "Everything is going my way?" "?" "So listen to me say?" "?" "I'm happy as can be?" "?" "Happy?" "?" "Happy?" "?" "Happy, happy?" "Paolo found somebody else." "He's never around anymore." "Leaves early in the morning, comes back late at night." "Well, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now." "Can we talk about this another time, please?" "What am I supposed to do?" "Well, you're supposed to make sure... that everyone's got their seat belts fastened... so I can get this machine up in the air." "I don't care about their seat belts." "Let them just bump around a little." "If we crash, we're all gonna die anyway." "We're just gonna die in our seats." "Greta, tell him what you're feeling." "Ah." "But don't accuse him of anything." "If you accuse us, we just deny it anyway." "You do?" "Listen." "I'm just gonna make sure that everyone's in their seat belts now." "Ja?" "Merci." "Bonne nuit, Papa." "Buonanotte." "Bonne nuit, Papa." "I love you." "I love you too, Claire." "Me too?" "Of course." "I don't know why, but I love you too." "Now sleep." "See you in the morning, huh?" "Cécile." "I have to go to Greta now." "It's the anniversary of the first time we met." "And I'll be back in the morning to take the kids to school." "Thank you, Paolo." "I told the children that I left my phone number on the table for them too." "But I told them not to call me unless it's a real emergency." "Okay." "And happy anniversary." "Thank you." "A domani, huh?" "Bye." "?" "One night in Paris?" "?" "With a man I barely knew?" "?" "I'm lost in a moment C'est la vie?" "?" "C'est la chance C'est I'amour?" "We are in luck." "The owner of the restaurant is from Sicily." "So we have to return this, uh-huh?" "?" "C'est la chance C'est I'amour?" "It seems that, since you proposed to me, you're different." "More distant." "Like maybe you've changed your mind?" "I need to be reassured." "My friends keep telling me how Italian men are unfaithful... and see nothing wrong in having more than one woman at the same time." "Some Italian men are like that." "Uh..." "Some French men are like that too." "And some American presidents and professional golfers." "Okay, so this is how you reassure me?" "No." "This is how I reassure you." "That does help." "I really don't have the energy for more than one woman at the same time, you know." "I barely have the energy to lift up this glass." "Well, you were up half the night... and went jogging in the morning." "Hmm?" "Come here." "I should spend more time on the floor." "Why?" "Because you are even more beautiful upside down." "Why did you bring me here the first night we met?" "I had invited you to my apartment." "I know." "I didn't want to go right up to your apartment like that." "When we passed here, I wanted to stop, to talk to you, to look at you." "I wanted to make a memory." "I was already in love with you." "?" "One night in Paris?" "?" "With a man I barely knew?" "?" "I'm lost in a moment C'est la vie?" "?" "C'est la chance C'est I'amour?" "Well, I guess that does it." "Our night is over." "Not quite." "?" "C'est I'amour?" "Oh, don't, don't, don't, don't." "What if it's an emergency?" "What?" "No." "No!" "What?" " Pronto?" " Papa?" "Maman cried all night." "I could not stop her." "Can you help us?" " I'll be right over." " You'll be what?" "Oh." "I'm sorry." "Really sorry." "It's Derek." "He's very sick." "He's vomiting." "He has high fever." "He may go to the hospital." "Why doesn't he call a doctor?" "Why?" "He did." "But... he's all alone until the doctor comes." "It might take hours." "I have to be there." "Paolo..." "See?" "It's an emergency, understand?" "No, no, Paolo." "You have to understand." "I have to finish sex." "I've been trying to finish it for over a week now." "When I walked down the aisle in the plane yesterday," "Elke asked me why my knees have been shaking so badly lately." "You have to finish!" "I'll be right back." "Do you know what time it is?" "I don't know." "5:00 in the morning." " Why are you waking me up?" " Because you're very sick." "Oh, I'm sick, am I?" "What's wrong with me?" "I don't know." "Uh, you got the grippe." "You've been throwing up all over the place." "You're waiting for the doctor, and he's not coming, so that's why I'm there with you." "Oh, you're here, are ya?" "Look." "I had to tell Greta something." "We were in the middle of sex, and the children called." "Actually, almost, uh..." "We were at the very end of sex, you know." "You stopped sex just before her orgasm to answer the phone?" "Are you crazy?" "Derek, listen to me." "Tomorrow you can't go to work, okay?" "Tell them you're sick." "Just cover me on this, okay?" "And if Greta calls, just cough..." "a lot." "Cécile." "Go to bed now." "Go to bed." "Come on." "Where do you go at night?" "Well, sometimes I have to work at night." "That's my job." "What do you do?" "I'm a night worker." "Go to bed." "You have to go to school in a few hours." "Come on." " Cécile." " Did you have a nice anniversary?" "Come on." "Come on." "Sit up." "Cécile, can you tell me what's wrong?" "My life is what's wrong." "Can you be a little more specific?" "I have practically no money." "I have no job." "I have a broken leg." "I have a broken arm." "So I can't get a job." "And also, without a broken arm and leg, I couldn't get a job... because things always go badly, and they always fire me." "My children have no father." "I have no husband and no lover." "And now I don't even have a bicycle anymore." "I'm sorry about that." "And you don't even love me, even though you hit me with your bus." "Oh, God..." "Look, if Italians loved everyone they hit in a traffic accident, they would have twice the population of China, Cécile." "You see?" "You don't love me." "Wait a minute." "You don't love me either." "Well, I don't love you." "But how do I know that?" "Yes, people tell each other they don't love each other all the time when really they do." "And say they do love each other when really they don't." "Look, Cécile." "I'm engaged to Greta." "And I'm in love with her." "Really in love." "I can't keep running back and forth like this." "And it would break her heart if she knew that I'm living virtually with another woman." "But she doesn't know you're here?" "Where does she think you are?" "Well, depends." "But definitely not with you." "I don't know what to do, Paolo." "What do I do?" "I know you're going through a hard time." "I'm really sorry about that." "But everything will be fine." "Life is just a series of accidents, and that's all it is." "You are on a plane, you hit some turbulences, the stewardess falls in your lap, you take her home, and three years later you're getting married." "You drive your bus, you hit a girl on a bicycle, you don't fall in love with her, you fall in love with her children." "It's just a series of accidents." "You never know where it's going." "But it's going to be okay." "You love my children?" "I really didn't mean to." "I'm sorry." "You should go home to Greta now, Paolo." "So, could you help me get out of my clothes?" "Please?" "Paolo?" "Paolo, it's 7:40!" "The children were supposed to be up at 7:00." "Paolo!" "Bye, Papa." "Bye, Papa." " Presto, presto!" "Dai." "Dai." " Les enfants, vite, vite, vite!" "No, no, Derek, it's me." "Stop coughing." " I need a favor." " And what's the favor?" "Well, I need to spend more time with Greta." "I can't keep leaving her like this." "I need you to watch Cécile for me tonight." "I'll be back in the morning, I swear, so you can go to work, okay?" " I thought I was sick." " Well, you'll be better at 4:30 this afternoon." "That's when you meet me at the café across the street from Cécile." "It's 20 Rue Saint-Blaise." "Okay?" "Gotta go." "All right." "I'll do it." "But this is the last thing I do for you." "Derek?" "You'll do what?" "Are you all right, Derek?" "Yeah." "Are you throwing up?" " Yeah." "I'm throwing up." "Yeah." " Hmm." "Let me talk to Paolo, please." "I tried his cell phone, and I got voice mail." " What?" " I want to talk to Paolo." "Put him on the phone." "Uh, he's out, uh, getting me medication to stop me from being sick." " You are lying." " I'm not lying." "Listen." "I don't know what's going on with the two of you, but I will find out." "You can bet on it." "Yeah, all right." "I'm coming." "Hi." "Oh." "Poor baby." "What are you doing?" "Um..." "I've come here to be with you until Paolo gets back." "He left in the middle of the night because he didn't wanna leave you alone, so as soon as I heard that you're alone again, I rushed straight over." "No, I meant the knitting." "Ah, this?" "Um..." "You know, we have no way of knowing how long it's going to be until Paolo gets back." "So I thought I might bring along something to pass the time." "And I've learned how to do this ages ago, but I never continued, because I didn't find the time, and so I was like, "Why not now?"" " How are you feeling?" " Uh, not too good." "There's a doctor coming right over." "So you're gonna have to go right away, love." " Right away?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah, he only sees private patients, so you can't be here." "Well..." "I think I have to use the bathroom." "No, no, no." "No, you can't." "I can't?" "No, it's... it's broken." "There's one in the café over the road." "Go and use that one." "Wait." "Weren't you just throwing up in there?" "Yeah." "That's why it's broken." "It's all stopped up." "You don't wanna know what come out of me." "Derek, what's going on with Paolo?" "I know that you know." "Just tell me, and I'll leave right away." "Right away?" "Like a bullet." "All right." "I'll tell ya." "But Paolo swore me to secrecy, right, 'cause he didn't know how to tell you this." "But this is the absolute bottom line, no holds barred, God's honest truth, right?" "Paolo is gay?" "Hmm." "You have to be French to do this." "You're sure you don't want a fork?" "Okay." "Hmm." "Whatever Paolo's keeping from you... and I can guarantee it's not that he's gay... there's only one way to find out." " You have to follow him." " Don't be stupid." "I'm not gonna follow him." "Paolo is my fiancé." "I trust him completely." "Just out of curiosity, if I were going to follow him, how exactly would I do that?" "Now you have a bicycle." "Great!" "I love it." "I didn't even know they still made these." "No, I got it on eBay." "I drove it all the way here." "It's fantastic." "They say it goes 40 kilometers an hour." "Thank you, Paolo." "I'm glad you like it." "But now I have to go." "I have to get the kids." "Ah, when I get back, I cannot stay, because I really have to be with Greta." "Derek will be here with you, okay?" "Ah, the Derek who wanted my phone number?" "Yes." "Ah, I finally get to meet him." "Perfect." "Ciao." "Ciao!" "Ah." "Putain!" "Cécile?" "Derek." "Oui." "Uh..." "There you go." "Are you all right there?" "Yeah." "All right." "Merci." "You all right?" "Yeah." "Oh, pardon." "Right." "Uh..." "Okay." "Derek..." "You just killed me again." "Why do you keep doing that?" "We are on the same team." "I'm sorry." "Did I do that?" "I must have pushed the wrong button." "Restore yourself." "Okay, but shoot at the red guys." "We are the blue team." "We are in..." "You just did it again." "You pushed me off the ledge!" "You know how many times you killed me tonight?" "Huh?" "All right." "We don't have to play." "No more." "Stop this game." "Actually, I wanted to continue something... that we started yesterday, and we didn't finish." "Um..." "Paolo, not tonight." "What time is it?" "6:30." "Go back to sleep." "Where are you going?" "I'm going jogging." "Same as always." "Ja, ja." "Same as always." "Oh, yeah!" " What the hell are you doing?" " What's it look like I'm doing, man?" "Go away!" "Stop it." "The woman has a broken leg and a broken arm." "Well, it don't seem to bother her, does it?" "Well, it bothers me." "You'll make it worse." "I'm not making it worse." "We've worked it out, and she's doing just fine, ain't you?" "Yeah, I'm doing just fine." "I really am." "Now go away." "I go away?" "Stop it." " There are children in the other room." " The children are asleep... or at least they were till you came in here and started shouting at us." "Derek, you were supposed to be taking care of Cécile." "I am taking care of Cécile." "Yeah, he really is taking care of me." "Ah, really?" "You know this man has been married three times already?" "Yeah, I know." "I can tell." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Basta." "Come on." "Out!" "Out!" "Okay, you better go, Derek." "Out!" "Out!" "All right, all right." "I'm going, I'm going, I'm going." "By the way, you left the door open all night." "The kitchen is a mess." "And the motorbike that I just bought her is on the floor." "Huh?" "And why there is, like, jelly smashed all over the kitchen door, huh?" "Who do you think is gonna clean all this up, huh?" "Out." "Vai, vai." "Out." "Basta." "Get out." "Je reviens tout à l'heure, mon chéri." "I'll be back." "Tout à l'heure." "Tout à l'heure, my ass." "You're gonna be late for work." "Oh, shit." "Sorry I can't hang around." "I've gotta go and meet my, uh, broker." "In 10 minutes." "It's very important I make it." "You know what I mean?" "Where is he?" "And don't tell me he's having his nails done." "Second floor." "Door on the left." "I don't understand." "I mean, I thought you didn't want me." "You've got Greta, remember?" "I know." "I don't want you, but I don't like the idea of Derek having you either." "He's the one who got me into all this." "It's not fair that I take care of the children, like I do the laundry, I do the cooking, and he shows up for dessert." "I told you to go away!" "Shh!" "The children." "See?" "May I come in, sweetheart?" "Uh..." "I know it's possible to jump to the wrong conclusion here." "Really?" "What conclusion would that be?" "Well, you know..." "Actually, I don't, do I?" "Uh, would you mind putting on some clothes, dear?" "I'm finding this really distracting." " I can't." " I beg your pardon?" "I can't put on my clothes." "I have a broken arm and leg." "Paolo dresses me." "See how easy it is to jump to the wrong conclusion?" "I told you." "Let me introduce you." "Uh, this is Cécile." "It's a girl that I ran over with my bus." "And, Cécile, this is Greta." "We are getting married." "So..." "Oh, it's nice to meet you." "I heard a lot about you." "I really like your dress." "Yeah?" "Shut up." "What conclusion, Paolo?" " Well, uh..." " Why everybody is waking me up?" "I sleep late on weekends, Papa." "Me too, Papa." "Did they say "Papa"?" "No." "I don't..." "Is he your father?" "Mm-hmm." "No." "Can we go somewhere else, talk about this thing..." "about the "Papa" thing too?" "What conclusion, Paolo?" "No." "Don't speak in German, because I don't understand." " I don't understand." " I don't understand." "Shh." "Shh." "Bambini, bambini, bambini." "No, no, no." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Sometimes, you know, grown-ups get angry." "But they get over it, huh?" "Greta?" "Can we talk?" "Go away." "I really need to talk." "I can explain everything." "Those are not my children." "Cécile is not my wife." "Come on." "Go away!" "Please, I really want to..." "Go away!" "I lost her." "I lost her." "Well, I'm sure she'll turn up." "I mean, she can't get that far." "She's on crutches." "Greta throw me out of my own apartment." "So now I need to stay here." "Paolo." "Paolo!" "Paolo." "Excuse me." "You can't stay here, mate." "Obviously I can't go over to Cécile anymore." "I can't see the children, and they already lost one father." "The kids are all right, man." "They're resilient, you know." "Ah, really?" "And Cécile?" "What's gonna happen to her?" "Well, as you've probably noticed, we seem to be getting on all right, so..." "I don't mind taking care of her." "What about your job?" "Well, that's the interesting part." "You know, Cécile..." "she ain't got a penny to her name, right?" "So I called Claude at the depot and made him a little proposition." "For a modest financial settlement, Cécile won't sue the company." "But only on the condition that you're rehired, and I get time off to take care of her." "What did Claude say?" ""Merci" and "Oui."" " Really?" " Yeah." "He's married." "Or at least he's living with someone." "She's really, really pretty." "And he's got two kids." "They're the cutest kids I've ever seen." "They could have been genetically engineered, they're so cute." "He's not married with two kids, Greta." "Because?" "Because when an Italian cheats on his fiancée, he doesn't get married and have two kids." "It's more casual." "I'm not marrying Paolo, François." "You are marrying Paolo." "I'd even go to the ceremony myself... if weddings didn't make me break out all over in a terrible rash." "I have something to tell you." "I've been thinking lately... that it will be good... if I could care about someone the way you care about Paolo." "I'd like someone who would just break my heart if I ever lost her." "It's very hard to find." "It's very hard." "He lied to me, François." "Oui." "People do that." "And it hurts." "I can see." "So, give him a hard time for a while, make him suffer, but then find a way back." "You know what, François?" "Hmm?" "If you could ever get control over your hormones for even 10 minutes, you could make some woman feel really special." "Not me." "But someone." "My life is adrift." "It has no anchor." "All because of a girl on a bicycle." "I'm gonna give you the secret of life, Paolo." "Really?" "Let's hear it." "There'll always be a girl on a bicycle." "That's it?" "Yeah." "That's it." "But my life has no anchor." "Yeah." "I've heard." "And speaking of being chained to one place, like, for example, my sofa," "Claude said if you ain't back driving that bus tomorrow, you're fired... again." "Oh, and by the way, Julien and Claire are wondering what happened to their father." " Papa!" "Papa!" " Bambini!" "Ah, belli." "Ouch!" "You're hurting me!" "I'm sorry." "Belli." "Where's Derek?" "Derek?" "Well, I asked Derek if I could come myself today, because... because I wanted to see you." "And also because, uh, I have something that I have to tell you." "Uh..." "Julien, Claire," "I'm sorry..." "really sorry... but I'm not your father." " I know that." " Me too." " You know that?" " I'm six years old." "I'm five." "You don't look at all like my real father." "What..." "You knew this all this time?" "Why you didn't say anything?" "'Cause I like to have a father, even a pretend one." "Me too." "Come here." "Come and sit with me a second, huh?" "We won't see you anymore, will we?" "Huh?" "We won't see you anymore, will we?" "Of course you'll see me." "I can be, like, um, an uncle." "Uncle Paolo." "I mean, if you like that." "Okay." "You can be our uncle, but you need to stop fighting dragons." "I have stopped fighting dragons." "You don't look like you stopped." "You look like you got hurt." "Well, it's true." "I did get hurt." "But not as much as I hurt the dragon." "I didn't mean to hurt her, because she's a very good lady dragon." "Did you say you're sorry?" "Yeah." "But she's hiding in a cave." "She won't come out." "When she gets hungry, she'll come out." "That's true." "When she gets hungry, she has to come out." "Then you need to catch her, like all the other dragons." "But this time don't let her go." "You know what?" "That's what I'll do." "I'm going to get a fast, beautiful horse." "Then I'm gonna catch her, and I will never let her go, huh?" "But you need to be careful for her fire." "That's true." "I do have to be careful for her fire." " You ready?" " Ready!" "Uno, due!" "Uno, due!" "Uno, due!" "Uno, due!" "Uno, due." "Uno, due." "Uno, due." "Uno, due." "Cover your head!" "Uno, due." "Uno, due." "Uno, due." "You're sure?" "Milan?" "Milan, Italy?" "Greta Kluge?" "Yes, I'm the husband, of course." "Paolo Kluge." "Yes." "What time does the flight leave, please?" "Is it gonna be on time?" "I know it's a German airlines, but..." "Danke, danke, danke." "Merda!" "Buongiorno." "Buongiorno." "No." "Grazie." "Ich liebe dich." "Danke." "Isn't..." "Isn't that Paolo?" "Oh, my God!" "He's stalking me." "I can't believe he's doing this." "Maybe you two should just talk." "No." "No, I'm not ready." "Okay." "I can handle it." "Oh!" "Passengers, please proceed to Gate C1 for immediate boarding." "Signore." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Signore!" "Hey!" "Un momento!" "Marta, close the door!" "Un momento!" "No!" "Can we talk?" "Sir..." "Please, can you take your seat?" "Please." "We must push back." "Come on, Greta." "All right." "Right." "Seat 17C, on the aisle." "Thank you." "Come to my seat later." "Okay?" "We have been cleared for final approach... to Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris... and should be on the ground in 10 minutes." "Flight attendants, prepare for landing." "I'm sorry, sir." "You have to get out of there." "The captain can't land unless everyone is in his seat." "Sir?" "I'm not coming out until I talk to Greta." "Uh, Paolo, you have to come out." "Then get Greta." "She doesn't want to talk to you, so come out so we can land." "Paolo." "You have to get out of there now!" "She wants to know what you want." "Well, first of all, tell her that I love her with all my heart." "Ah!" "Oh!" "Uh-oh." "I'm here." "Say what you gotta say." "Cécile and I are not married." "I haven't been living with her." "We haven't done anything." "Nothing at all." "I hit her with my bus, and I got fired." "She had no one to take care of her and the children, so I had to do it." "So I get them up in the morning, I dress them up," "I took them to school, I cook for them, I put them to bed." "But they are not my children." "Their father left a long time ago." "Paolo, open the door, please." "Why do the children think you're their father?" "Because Cécile has been telling them that their father one day will show up... and he would speak English." "So when I showed up at the hospital... after I ran her over with my bus, they thought I was their father, and they were happy..." "really happy." "I couldn't tell them..." "I mean, the children that..." "What?" "I miss the..." "I..." "I miss the Fürze." "I want..." "I know I never wanted to have Fürze, but now I do." "I want Fürze to call me Papa... and really be their papa." "Paolo." "Kurze means small children." "Fürze means farts." "No, that's what I mean." "I want lots of little farts running around." "Is that all true?" "All of it?" "Why didn't you tell me the truth from the beginning?" "Because I was afraid you wouldn't understand." "And because Cécile is so..." " Are you in love with her?" " No." "I'm in love with you." "Only with you." "Stupida." "With all my heart." "That was really good German, Paolo." "Now can you please come out and sit back in your seat?" "Not until you tell me you're gonna marry me." "You lied to me so much." "I know, but... if love doesn't have the power to forgive, what kind of love is it?" "Please come out so we can land." " Are you gonna marry me?" " I need time to think." "Why is he singing that song?" "He says, "When you are far away," "I look on the horizon, and words fail"..." ""And, yes, I know that you're with me... you, my moon, are here with me, my sun, are here with me, with me, with me, with me."" "Okay, I will marry you." "Yes!" "All right." "And here we go." "Derek!" "Whoo!" "Et voilà." "Merci, Derek." " ?" "It just takes a moment?" " ?" "A moment?" "?" "To change everything?" "?" "Everything?" "?" "Turn it upside down?" "?" "It just takes a moment?" "?" "A moment?" "?" "To turn everything?" "?" "Everything?" "?" "Everything upside down?" "?" "Send all the humdrum day-to-day way away?" "?" "And take a little chance Let's play with happenstance?" "?" "So why not long shot?" "You're never gonna know?" "?" "You'll never, ever find out if you don't let go?" "?" "It just takes a moment?" "?" "A moment?" "?" "To change everything?" "?" "Everything?" "?" "Turn it upside down?" "?" "It just takes a moment?" "?" "A moment?" "?" "To turn everything?" "?" "Everything?" "?" "Everything upside down?" "?" "A better day is right ahead of me?" "?" "Why not let it begin?" "?" "Follow every bit of destiny?" "?" "I throw my sail in the wind?" "?" "It just takes a moment?" "?" "It just takes a moment?" "?" "To change everything?" "?" "Everything?" "?" "Turn it upside down?" "?" "It just takes a moment?" "?" "A moment?" "?" "To turn everything?" "?" "Everything upside down?" "?" "Upside down?" "?" "Upside down?" "?" "Oh, last stop Paris?" "?" "It looks like I'm here to stay?" "?" "I'd rather be walking on the Champs-Élysées?" "?" "I'd rather go shop the Bon Marché?" "?" "Maybe after the Louvre or the Musée d'Orsay?" "?" "I love a French cabaret?" "?" "Oh, last stop Paris?" "?" "Looks like I'm here to stay?" "?" "Looks like I'm here to stay?" "?" "And I'll be settling down for coffee?" "?" "Or should I say a café?" "?" "?" "Strolling along the Seine?" "?" "Oh, last stop Paris I made up my mind today?" "?" "Last stop Paris There's nothing more I can say?" "?" "Last stop Paris Looks like I'm here to stay?"