"Previously on Weeds:" "Guillermo Garcia Gomez." "There's a tunnel." "You make a bust." "You get Guillermo, and it never comes back to me." " Why are we focusing on my crew?" " My people don't talk." "Did we decide you were gonna move your plants?" "Something kind of fell into my lap." " Where exactly is this grow room?" " Back of a cheese shop." "I could get some pot." "You totally rock." " Maria and I had sex." " What?" " I love him." " Immigration and Naturalization." "We happen to have a daughter who hasn't seen you in over two years." " I don't know where Quinn is." " In Oaxaca with a guy named Rodolfo." " Who are the girls?" " My daughters." "What am I supposed to do now?" "We'll arrest you tomorrow, make it look right." "We'll pretend to ask, and you'll pretend to know nothing." " If you don't have any plans...." " I'm seeing someone." "Agent Shlatter." "Who is "informant"?" "Nancy Botwin." " My client reserves the right " " Shut the fuck up." "You had no idea that there was a tunnel in the back room that was being used to transport narcotics from Mexico to the United States?" "They kept the room locked." "It didn't strike you as odd that strange men were shuttling packages out of there all day long?" "Of course it struck me as odd, but I didn't ask any questions because a paycheck is a paycheck." "There is no law against being the unwitting participant in a crime if there is no prior knowledge of said crime." "Thank you for that fascinating tidbit." "You know, I don't actually turn 18 until 10:47 so we got another 15 minutes to break the law." "We really shouldn't be wasting it by talking." " Who's that?" " Damn it, he said noon." " Who said noon?" " Just get dressed." " Hey, guys." " Oh, this is nice." " Very nice." " What are you doing here?" "Rad told me it was a special occasion." "Your boyfriend's birthday?" "Rad, I want you to leave the room and shut the door behind you, okay?" "Hey, twinkie." "Smile." "Family-court judge is gonna love this." "Sole custody is the only thing that makes sense." "Rad shouldn't have to shuttle to Napa just because you fell in love with some tramp from Trefethen." " Well, I still love my kid." " Then live near him." "You took the cheese store." "You took this house." "You're not taking my son." " You left us." " I left you." "I wanna make sure someone's looking after my son while you're banging 'N Sync." "Funny, you were never concerned about that while you were cheating." "I wouldn't have cheated if you weren't a bitch." "That's great." "Blame me." " Sorry, dude." " Yeah." " You leaving?" " I want you out of here." " Fuck you." " Yeah." " Just great." "I want you out of here." " See you." " Get out." " Well, I'm her legal repre " "Get out or I'll fucking throw you through the window." " It's okay, Dean, go." " No, it is definitely not okay." "I'm her " "Okay " " This is a flagrant miscarriage of justice." "My partner is dead." "Oh, my God." "His body was found hanging on the border fence." "He didn't have a fucking face." "No face?" "Who owns the tunnel?" "Who owns the fucking tunnel?" "You tell me now!" " I don't know." " Bullshit!" "Who's Guillermo's boss?" "Who's the fucking animal on the other side of the fence?" "I wasn't on the other side of the fence." "I was on this side." "I'm gonna get this guy, with or without you." "And I'm gonna kill him." "After I kill everyone he loves." "And I'm gonna do it alone." "And if I find out you made me go the long way I'm gonna kill you too." "He was my partner." "No "buso" directo?" "How muchos tickets do I need?" "First to San Nicolás, then to San Cristóbal." " That chicken just sneezed on me." " Then to Mixtepec." "What about Sitio de Perdido?" "That's where I need to go." "That's where my daughter is." "Give them to your daughter." "Beautiful movie star?" "Kathleen Turner." "Body Heat." "Is it you?" "Of course it's me." "But don't tell anyone." "I'm researching a film." "You know, donkey here was an actor in live show." " Oh, you don't say." " No, I say." "Then he got replaced by a younger donkey because his cojónes, they grow muy droopy." "Time is cruel." "Hey, Mom." " You didn't have to have her deported." " Oh, but you had to screw her, right?" "Yeah, she's hot." "But the INS?" "She wouldn't fuck me, but she fucked you." "Well, fuck her." "And fuck you!" "That was really awful, Doug, even for you." "There are rules among men, Andy." "Codes." "You don't have sex with your friend's girl." "Ever." "Code breaker." "You had sex with Celia, your friend Dean's wife." "So who's the original code breaker, code breaker?" " Me." "I'm a code breaker." " Me too." "Me too." " Sorry, man." " Yeah, I'm sorry too." "I'm sorry." "I really liked her." "No, you didn't really "like her" like her." "She was a fantasy." "You're still too in love with Dana to "like" like anyone." "Well, you're in love with Nancy." " I'm not in love with Nancy." " You so are." "Why else would you put up with all her crap?" "I...." "The kids." "My brother." "Nancy." "I don't love Nancy, okay?" "Shut up." " You shut up." " So you shut up." "Hold that thought." "Oh, hi, Silas, son of my dead brother." "Where?" "Okay." "Okay." "Yeah, I'll see you soon." " I gotta go." " You wanna smoke out first?" "I can't." "Shit's blowing up." "How come you always have shit blowing up?" "Where's my shit?" "I used to have shit." "It used to blow up all the time." "Now nothing." "Shit just sits there." "That's some tough shit." "Shit." " You sure it won't get towed?" " It's a secure lot." "It'll be fine for a night." "Put the sandwiches in the freezer, and then as soon as I reach Doug we'll move it all to his house." "Happy birthday, Silas." "Holy shit." "That's right." "Happy birthday." "I'm such a phasehead." "Why didn't you say anything?" "Eighteen, right?" " It's not a big deal." " Sure it's a big deal." "Could you stop playing that fucking piano?" " Well, look who's not in jail." " Told you I'd be back." " What happened?" " Nothing." "They asked me a few questions, sent me home." " I'm just a salesgirl." " Sure you are." "Happy birthday, Silas." "Have a good time with Lisa tonight." "Dinner's off." "We're off." " Happy birthday to me." " What?" "Well, why don't we all go out, then?" "How about that Italian place on Ocean, say, 7:00?" "Okay?" "I'm gonna go take a bath." "Mom, remember that small-business loan we discussed?" "It would be a great birthday gift." " Silas." " Are you gonna back me or not?" " This is a bad time." " And?" "And it's a bad time." "Yeah, well, thanks for giving it some thought." " Hi, it's me." " Hey." " How was your day?" " Okay." "I got taken into custody, questioned, released." "And?" "Had pancakes for breakfast." "Really?" "What kind?" "Blueberry." "What did you have for breakfast?" "Yogurt and coffee and toast." "Sounds like a nice breakfast." "I'd like to see you." " I'd like to see you too." " Tonight." " Tonight?" " I will send a car." "It has to be tonight?" "Yes." "I can drive myself." " You will come." " I said I would." "Nancy." "Go away, Andy." " Nancy, can I come in?" " No." "I'm coming in." "Could you close the door behind you?" " I can see your boobies." " Good for you." "Close the door and sit down." "They're nice." "Bigger than I thought." "Thanks." "You want a towel or something?" "Two washcloths?" " Andy." " Fine, fine." " Are you going to jail?" " No." "I'm not going to jail." "Why not?" "Why aren't you going to jail?" "I can't tell you." " You have to tell me." " I can't." "I can't tell anyone." "Could you turn on the water for me?" " Add some bubbles?" " Yeah, sure." "I used to be able to rationalize the things I did, Andy." "Yeah." "You were good at that." "Not anymore." "At some point recently, everything became right or wrong." "Right or wrong." "What did you do?" "There was this girl in a blue dress." "She was so young." "She had this bag with a butterfly on it." "She kept looking at me." "Dear Dana:" "I can't believe how different Ren Mar is than Agrestic how fast things move down by the ocean." "I saw a surfer once when I was a kid, but now they're everywhere." "Beach went and got itself in a big damn hurry." "Found myself a crappy studio apartment off the boardwalk." "It's nothing fancy, but it does the job." "I have trouble sleeping." "The bed's too short." "I have bad dreams, like I'm falling or I live in Africa with the monkeys." "I wake up scared." "Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am." "Since losing you I've lost all sense of joy and pleasure." "There's only one thing left to do." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Oh, God." "Legendary!" "So fuck you and your lawyers." "Come get me if you want." "I don't give a shit, because I'm broke." "And when you got nothing, you've got nothing to lose." "Take care." "Doug." " Thank you, Rodrigo." " Rodolfo." "He seems very nice." " How did you two meet?" " He taught at Casa Reforma." "Political science." " Now he's working on his dissertation." " This is good." "What is it?" "It's a secret recipe from my mother." " How long have you been sober, Mom?" " Seventeen days." "Good for you." "That's why I'm here." "I am working my steps, making amends." "I came here to say I'm sorry." "Very, very, very sorry." "Really and truly sorry." "So sorry." " Should I get more specific?" " I think we're way past that, Mom." "You know, Casa Reforma was actually really good for me." "I met this man I love, and we just live." "Humbly, simply." " My life has purpose." " It's very hot." "Are you hot?" "And I'm just so glad that you came here to see me so that I could tell you that and lock you in a room and keep you there until I sell your ass back into suburban slavery." " You fucking bitch." " Fucking what...?" " Shall I call your father now?" " Yes." "Tell Daddy Dean I want 200,000, and tell him to be quick with the cash or we're gonna start sending him body parts." "Revolution is a very sad affair." "These tears are shed in the name of greater good." "Yeah?" "Well, fuck you and your faggy revolution." "I'm taking my money and I'm moving to Belize." "San Diego, California." "I need the number of a gift store place, "Gift" something?" "I have no listing for "Gift Store" in San Diego." "Do you have an address?" "I don't have an address." "I just need to get a gift." "If you type in "gift," what comes up?" "I need the name of a listing." "Please, anything "Gift"?" " Terrifically Gift Baskets?" " Oh, do they deliver?" "I have no idea, ma'am." "Connecting your call." "Terrifically Gift Baskets." "This is Carol." "Hi, Carol." "I need to get a birthday gift for my 18-year-old." "Can you help me?" "We sure can." "What kind of basket were you thinking of?" "Can you deliver to Ren Mar tonight?" " For an extra charge, we sure can." " Great." " What have you got?" " How about one of our theme baskets?" "Casino Night, Chocolate Universe, Gay Paris?" "Do you have anything for a son who thinks his mother's completely failed him?" "We can still go to the restaurant, you guys." "It's fine." "Did she even say where she was going?" "Why do you even bother asking anymore?" "We never get a straight answer." "We have no idea, and we probably never will." " I wish she'd get arrested already." " What the hell are you talking about?" "At least we'd know where she is." "And seriously, isn't it only a matter of time?" "What happens when Mom gets arrested?" "We need to make a plan." "Well, I'm 18 now." "I can be your legal guardian." " What about me?" " Well, you can still hang out." "Hang out?" "I am the adult male figurehead here." "Come on, Andy." "You don't act like an adult." "None of us do." "We're all a bunch of babies, waiting for Mom to make the money." "Always looking for Mommy's approval, asking Mommy's permission." "Shane's right." "She's unreliable." "She's unavailable." "It's time to take on some responsibility." "For all we know, she's going to prison." "Or worse." " What do you mean?" " Nothing." "She's fine." "I'm thinking of buying some land in Mexico." "Really?" "With what?" "I made a few bucks from the cheese shop." "I'm gonna price it out." "Nothing crazy, just a nice little farm where I can grow pot maybe sell to the clubs, a few customers, but that's it." "No stupid expansion." "No stupid mistakes." "Small." "Mellow." "So I don't drop dead of a heart attack because I'm so stressed from trying to maintain this bullshit lifestyle." "I got a little cash from the coyote gig." " You want a partner?" " I'll take your money." " What about me?" " You go to school and be a kid." " I wanna help." " You can help by not telling Mom." "That's not a problem." "I have nothing to say to Mom." "Hey, hey, hey." "Let's stop bagging on your mom, okay?" "She has done some less than prudent or thoughtful things, but she's Nancy and we love her, all of us." "Love her in a Mom-loving way." "Not in any other way." "Of course we love her." "She loves us too." "But whatever, man, it's useless." "I'm getting a popsicle." "Anyone want?" " No, thanks." " Yes, I would like a popsicle." " Security code 487, right?" " That's right." "Well, great." "We're all set with that." "Now, what would you like the card to say?" " Dear Silas:" " Silas?" "S-I-I-A-S." "That's my son." " Dear Silas:" " Dear Silas:" "Dear Silas:" "Happy birthday." "Happy 18th birthday." "Don't write "um."" "I think you're an amazing son." "I'm so proud to be your mom." ""Be your mom." Jesus, that sounds like bullshit, doesn't it?" "Dear Silas:" "If you never see me again, I've probably been murdered." "Enjoy the dried apricots and butter cookies." "The Sterling Celebration doesn't come with cookies." "But if you'd like to add them, I certainly can do that." "Could you stop talking for a second?" "Could you please be quiet and listen?" "Just listen." " I'm listening." " Starting over." "Dear Silas:" "Thanks for raising yourself these past 18 years." "You've done a great job." "Ms. Botwin?" "Are you okay, Ms. Botwin?" "Silas you are loved." "Me." "Sign it "me."" " Just "me"?" " Yeah, "me."" "No, "Mom."" ""Me, Mom."" "Please, please get that to him tonight." "And add the butter cookies." "You can charge me extra for it, okay?" " Thanks, Carol." " You take care, Ms. Botwin." " I don't want to believe it." " So don't." "I thought you loved me." "I do love you." "You have made me so sad." "Well, I think I can make you happy." "It's too late." "It's too early to tell but it feels like a boy."