"Don't scratch it." " lt'll make it worse." " Sorry, Doctor." "This cream will help you." "Betamethasone." "Apply to your eczema twice a day." " Are you sure it's eczema?" " Yes." " Never had it before." " You said you were moving house?" " Moved a couple of days ago." " Moving house is very stressful." "The stress triggered a reaction in your skin." "You're coughing a lot." " Just got rid of a cold." " Right." "Any other problems?" " l've lost my cat." " That's not a medical problem, is it?" " Huh." "Well, I'm very tired." " Right." " l can't sleep without him." " All right, come on." "He's called Tom-Tom." "You know, I wonder if he's been kidnapped." "You read about people stealing cats for scientific experiments." "I don't." " Pauline, what are you doing?" " Putting up my certificate." "What is it, dear?" "I'm a qualified phlebotomist." "Well done." "Oh, that is good." "Have you any idea what a phlebotomist is?" "No, but if you can get a certificate for being one, it must be important." "I'm in charge of the blood in this surgery." "If anyone needs to give a sample, it'll be me sticking in the needle" " and sucking out the plasma." " Oh!" "Why don't you tell me all about it while we have a cup of tea?" "No need." "She's already told you about it." "Doesn't sound like the end of a cold to me." "Got some lozenges somewhere." " Are you a smoker?" " Not really. I..." "I don't inhale." "You won't miss it so much when you give it up, will you, Mrs Averill?" "Put those in there." "I don't have many pleasures left in life." "You won't have much life left unless you stop being so stupid." "Thank you." " What about that tea now?" " l actually finished ten minutes ago." "I'll go home then." "And have a smoke on me own." " Hi, Martin." "Come in." " Thank you." " l thought we'd eat outside." " Really?" " Don't you want to?" " No, no, if you do..." " Would you like some wine?" " No, thank you. I don't drink." "Really?" "Not even on special occasions?" "is this a special occasion?" "Well, maybe "special" is the wrong word, but it's not something we do every day." "I certainly can't remember the last time I ate a meal" " in someone's back garden." " lt's not that unusual, Martin." " People have barbeques all the time." " Oh, I see." "Having hot dogs and hamburgers?" "No." " Uh, you've got new neighbours." " Yes." " Do you know Mrs Averill?" " Uh, yes, yes." " She was in my surgery today." " Really?" "She used to live there, but her husband died a couple of months ago and she couldn't bear to stay without him." "She sold it to this family." "She's bought a smaller place now by the, uh..." "Up by the... the what's-it." "I'll just go and fetch the starters." " Can I help you with anything?" " No, I'm fine. I can manage." "Did you see the dolphins this afternoon?" "There was two of them just outside the harbour." "I was busy with patients all day." "Oh, that's a pity." " So you didn't see them then?" " No." " Louisa." " Yeah?" "You look very busy." "Thank you." " Not expecting anyone, are you?" " No." "Only you." "I'll get rid of them." " Louise, hello." " lt's Louisa, actually." "That's what I said." " Sorry, you're..." " Anthony." "And Terri." "We just moved in next door." "Of course." "And it's Sam, isn't it?" "You start in my school tomorrow?" " Looking forward?" " Thought we'd say hi." " Hi." " Hi." " And, uh, ask a huge favour." " Our kitchen's full of boxes." " They're piled on top of each other." " We're desperate to open this wine." " But we can't find a corkscrew." " We wondered if we could borrow yours." " Please?" " Sure." " Um, come in." " Seven-hourjourney." "Worked up thirst." "Could you pick that up, take it outside and put it in the bin?" " You can have it later, Sam." " Oh, two and a half hours on the M4." "Three on the M5." "That's before we got to Taunton." "Oh, dear." "That's awful." "Martin, these are the people that have moved in to Mrs Averill's." "Anthony, Terri and Sam, this is Martin." "Dr Martin Ellingham." " The local GP." " Yes." "Oh, can I grab this?" "Absolutely gasping." "You can only just see the harbour from here." "Aren't we lucky, Sam?" "We can see the sea." "I'm senior lecturer in the department of applied psychology" " at the University of North Cornwall." " Right." "Oh." "Yeah." "It sounds pretty grand, but, uh, it's certainly a bit of a step up from my lastjob, fellow at University of Brentford." "I mean, it's publish or die in the world of academia." "So I won't be resting on my laurels just yet." " Very sensible." " Yeah." "You're not from around here?" " No." " No." "London?" " Yes." " Mmm." "What moved you to Cornwall?" "I have to see Louisa now." "I managed to find some sheets and duvets, but there's no way we're gonna unpack all the boxes tonight." "Don't suppose we could use some of your plates?" "That's fine." "Plates, glasses, help yourself." "What if we got some food and brought it back here?" " Here?" " Our house is a mess." "Couldn't we join you on the terrace?" " You could." " Louisa thinks we should eat together." " Fish and chips OK?" " Oh, yes, sounds like a great idea." " What you fancy, Sam?" " l'm not hungry." "He's never hungry these days." "Should we give him some alfalfa?" "Don't do that." "You're gonna burn yourself." "Oh, he'll be fine." "Uh, how about some scampi?" "I said I'm not hungry!" "I'll get you sausage." "Terri?" "Sea bass." "Or haddock." "You've just broken my bowl." "Aren't you gonna say something?" "Oh, we don't like to draw attention to the consequence of Sam's actions." "Uh, not unless there's some sort of development potential." "Mainstream parenting's not really our thing." "But my bowl's in lots of pieces." " l'll buy you a new one." " Or I could stick it back together." "Hmm, I'm worried we're making this a child-centric moment." " Child-centric?" " Yeah, we're focusing too much on what he's just done." "Oh, I'll fetch the food." "May." "No, April." "Half-term, anyway." "Mrs Averill was doing her B and B back then." "We just fell in love with Portwenn." "And when we heard Mr Averill popped his clogs, we couldn't believe our luck." "Being such a small village, I expect you knew him pretty well." "No, I only met him once to confirm that he was dead." "He was." "is the old lady alive?" "Mrs Averill?" "Yes, she's fine." "She's evil." "And she smelled like she pissed herself." " l'll be off then." " What do you mean?" " Um, I've got to do that thing..." " What thing?" "Uh, didn't I mention it?" "Oh, anyway. I'll see myself out." " You're not going, are you?" " Uh, yes, I am." "That's a shame." "I thought we could have a chat." "I find you absolutely fascinating." "Chip?" "No, thank you." "Are you coming out?" "Hello?" "Are you all right?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I know." "If you're ill, you're ill." "Give me a ring when you're feeling better and we'll fix you an appointment." "OK, bye." " Hello." " Hello." "Anthony Oakwood." "Just moved into the cottage up the hill." "That you bought off Mrs Averill for 220,000." "Mr Huntley, the estate agent, was celebrating in the pub." "He bought everyone a drink." "Right." "Can I see the doctor?" "This week, if possible." " You can see him right now." " Oh, you don't have waiting lists?" "Normally, yes, but Mr Hill just cancelled." " Oh, lucky me." " lf you say so." "Martin." "Good day, how're you doing?" "Next patient." "Come through." "Sorry you had to leave early last night." "We had a good time." "Well, until Louisa got one of her migraines." " She doesn't get migraines." " Really?" "She did last night." " What's your problem?" " Um, I've come to register." " Are you ill?" " No, fit as a fiddle." "But, uh, I'll be too busy to do this when term starts." " At Bude Polytechnic." " University of North Cornwall." "Very exciting psychology department there." " Ever spoken to my colleagues there?" " No." " Ever spoken to a psychologist?" " What about?" "Interesting story." "About a year ago, I was supposed to be writing an article for UKPsychologist, but I was blocked." "I went out to dinner with some friends." "A bloke didn't say a word all night." "Just sat there, watching us joking, laughing, getting pissed." "Turns out this bloke was a very successful lawyer." "Very successful with Asperger's syndrome." "You know what Asperger's is, right?" " Of course I do." " Yeah." "Bad communication skills, no sense of humour, doesn't make friends." "Fill in this?" "Starting with name and date of birth." "This bloke gave me an idea for my article." "Can people with Asperger's have normal careers?" "Answer:" "Yes." "Title:" "You Don't Have to be Mad to Work Here." "The thing is, Martin, I think that there's a book in this." "On the lookout for people with Asperger's doing difficultjobs." "Doing well." "Marie Curie showed symptoms." "So did Thomas Jefferson." "So I'm not saying you're in bad company." " l beg your pardon?" " l mean, I can't be sure about you" " until we've had a proper conversation." " Full name and date of birth." " Don't you wanna talk to me?" " l want your name and date of birth" " on that form." " Tell you what. I shall fill this in outside and we'll have a little chin-wag when you're less stressed." "I don't have little chin-wags, Mr Oakwood." "It's Dr Oakwood." "Um, I do have a PhD in psychology." " Oh, we're both doctors." " Only one of us has a waiting room full of patients." " ls he always like that?" " Like what?" "Rude, offhand, dismissive?" "is he always like that?" "Like what?" " Um, Miss Glasson rang." " And?" "There's a pupil at school she's not happy about." "Can you go see him?" " Why, what happened?" " Let me see." " She didn't say." " Find out." "Miss Charbod." " Oh, Martin!" " Hello." "Martin, look here." " You've scratched your truck." " No, someone else scratched my truck." " You drove to close to the hedge." " Don't be ridiculous." " l've been keyed." " lf you say. I've a sick child to see." " Don't let me stop you." " l won't." "He collapsed in the dinner queue and felt very hot." "Hmm." " He's still very hot." " What about the rash?" "is it measles?" " Oh, my God." " There's nothing to worry about." " Why'd you call the doctor?" " The boy passed out." " The boy's got a name." " Elliot passed out, Mr Clyde." " l saw he had this rash on his face." " Oh, my God!" " Nothing to get excited about." " l'm sorry if we're making a fuss." " l was worried it might be measles." " lt's not, it's slapped cheek." " Someone hit my son?" " l hope you found the boy who did this." " lt wasn't a boy." " He was hit by a girl?" " He wasn't hit by a girl or a boy." " lf someone slapped his cheek, he..." " You're not accusing me." " Erythema infectiosum." " What's that mean?" " The name of the infection from which your child is suffering." "It's very common." " Common?" " No, he's not saying you're common." "Slapped cheek syndrome. lt's very easy to catch and pass on through air" " or saliva." " Now what you saying?" " Someone spat at Elliot?" " A possibility, yes." "Or somebody might have kissed him or licked him." "What kind of school are you running?" " Nothing inappropriate occurred." " You're sure, are you?" "Well, I'm sure that every week my boy comes home with another cold." "Or head lice." "Or he's throwing up all over the bed." " Can we take him away, Miss Glasson?" " l think that's a very good idea." " Come on." " Come on." "The truck's just outside." "Don't you want to take a look?" "Of course I do. lt's just I'm tucked up at the moment." " Tucked up?" " An expression we use in the business." "Means I'm dealing with something else and can't be reassigned." "What exactly are you dealing with?" "I wish I could tell you, Mrs Norton, but it might infringe the human rights" " of the suspect." " What about my rights?" " l've got a damaged vehicle." " l promise you, as soon as I can, I will be right there to report the crime." " And catch the criminal?" " That could happen." " You get home OK last night?" " Yes, I did." "You slept well, did you?" "You didn't lie there feeling guilty?" "What do you mean?" "Sam." " What are you doing?" " Nothing." " Why aren't you wearing uniform?" " Dad said I didn't have to" " if I didn't want to." " He's wrong." " Know what your next lesson is?" " Yeah." "Off you go then." "Thanks for looking at Elliot. I thought we had a measles epidemic on our hands." "There's not much chance." "All the children I've seen have been jabbed for MMR." "Only two or three mothers who haven't seen reason." " Maybe they're scared." " Nothing to be scared of." " There's autism." " No, there isn't." "A friend of mine took her son to the doctor." "He was nearly two." "Perfectly healthy." "Gave him the jab, and he changed overnight." " Just shut down completely." " Because of the MMR vaccine?" "That's what she thinks." "is she very stupid?" "Look, it stands to reason that giving a child three viruses at the same time must increase their chance of some kind of reaction." " lt stands to reason?" " l have read about studies linking MMR" " to bowel disease." " There was one so-called study, refuted by people who know what they're talking about." "Hysteria that stopped people giving their children the vaccine has caused an increase in cases of measles," " which is a horrible disease." " Thank you, Doctor." "We've gotta concentrate on our brand image." "Now, when we get to the cash and carry with the mineral water, then we slap the labels on it with the restaurant logo." "Now that, you see..." "That is called unified branding." "It reminds the customers where they're eating so they want to come back again, eh?" "You see, quality logo will give you a quality venue." " Oh, no." "How's that for quality, then?" " What?" "Oh!" "Bloody vandals." "is it going OK with the plebiology?" "Fine, thank you." "Oh, dear. lt's always worse when me throat's dry." " How about a cup of tea?" " l'm fine, thank you." "Pauline." " Oh, I've still got me rash, Doctor." " Yes, of course you have." "I told you, come back in a week if the cream wasn't working." " A week!" "Who's the next patient?" " Mr Sanders!" "Mr Sanders..." "As soon as I saw the damage, I called my insurance people." "They told me you need to give me a crime reference or something." " Yeah, that's what I want." " l was here first." " l was here yesterday." " l got punters to feed." " The van's parked outside." " l can't do a thing till tomorrow." " Why?" " Because..." " You all right?" " Of course I am." "It's just a lot on my plate." "There's no time..." " ...for this." " He looks a bit twitchy to me." "No, I'm not." "You leave the premises." "Now." "Sit there." "Mr Sanders needs a fluoridone and two EDTA." " l bet you a tenner this one's anaemic." " Oh, don't." "Why are you still here?" "Oh, well, I'll go outside then." "For a smoke!" "That'll be one grey and two pinks." "Don't forget you got to house call at Miss Brens." "I know!" "Enjoy your poly-nuclear aromatic hydrocarbons." "Just don't come running to me when you die." "Hi, Joan." "Oh, God!" "Look at my car!" "Oh, dear." "Driving too near the hedge?" "Not funny." "I'm gonna report this to PC Penhale." "I wouldn't bother." "Criminal damage is still a crime." "Hence the expression "criminal damage"." "Tried to get him interested in my truck, but he refused to leave the station." "Twice." " What do you mean, he refused?" " Well, he was a bit odd." " He is a bit odd." " More than usually odd." "Honestly, Martin, you should take a look at him." "Penhale!" "Penhale." "Open the door." " How are you feeling today?" " Fine, thanks, Doctor." "Yourself?" "I'm fine." "My car isn't." "Somebody's vandalised it." "I'd love to help, but, uh, I'm up to my ears." "Rubbish." "Come and have a look." "Here it is." "All down the side." "You upset anyone recently?" "What's the matter with you, Penhale?" "I'll be all right... in a minute." "Do you have a problem leaving this building?" "No." "Just can't do it." " Has it happened before?" " Well, bad days now and again." " lt's nothing to worry about." " Having an agoraphobic policeman" " is something to worry about." " l'm not agoraphobic." "Come outside then." "You might have told me when I was dealing with narcolepsy" " that you also suffer from agoraphobia." " l didn't want anyone to know." "Did you suffer from this before you got kicked in the head?" "No." "You said your behaviour changed, that's why your wife left." "After she went, when I had my first funny turn, I was down in Lew, plain-clothes surveillance." "I'd got eyeball on a suspect, male, lC-1 , five-foot-1 1 , but that's not important now." "Anyway, the suspect went across this bridge." "I was supposed to follow, but I couldn't." "I just couldn't get on the bridge." "I couldn't stay where l was, I had to get back to the van, lock the doors and wait till I stopped shaking." " Most days I'm fine." " l don't think that's good enough." "God knows there isn't enough for you to do in this village." "On occasion, when somebody has their car vandalised, it would be nice to think we had a policeman who could at least leave the police station and go and deal with it." "Tell your superiors you're not well enough." "No." "The job's all I got." " You can't do the job." " Yes, I can. I just need some help." "I could refer you to a therapist." "You'd have to stop work until you got a clean bill of health." " How long is that gonna take?" " l don't know." "Weeks." "Maybe months." "You nasty little boy." "You stay right there." "Stay there!" "Come back!" "Come back!" "Tosser!" "Come back!" " Are you chasing Sam?" " Yes!" " That's a badger." " lt was dead when I found it." " Over there." " Why'd you put it on a bonfire?" "It's not a bonfire." "It's a funeral pyre." "I thought it might be nice to give Mr Brook a traditional Hindu send-off." "You can't burn a badger in your garden." "It's a health hazard." "Put it out!" "I don't want to." "His spirit hasn't been released." " What's going on?" " They're burning a badger." " lt absolutely stinks." " l don't feel very well." "You're not going anywhere." "I just caught your son vandalising cars in the village, having got at mine this morning." " OK." "When you say vandalising..." " Scraping a key along the side." " l wish he wouldn't do that." " What, he's done it before?" " Yeah, it's no big deal." " Excuse me if I sound car-centric," " but I think it is a big deal." " You have insurance?" "That's not the point!" "Your son is a delinquent!" " l wanna know what you plan to do!" " ln front of you, nothing." " Go to bed, Sam." " You'll be hearing from PC Penhale." " Or a police officer." " No need to get the police involved." "I'll have a quiet word with Sam and explain to him that some people get precious about possessions." "I don't think that Martin's being precious." "Sam needs to learn the difference between right and wrong." "That's a little bit of a grey area, isn't it?" " No, it isn't." " Of course it isn't!" "You are the parents. lt's your duty to teach him what he can and can't do." "Absolutely, and I get the impression you let Sam do whatever he wants." "I think it's our business how we bring up Sam, isn't it, Miss Glasson?" "No, no, not when his behaviour affects other people." "If you can't do anything, see what a magistrate and ASBO can." "Just stop it!" "You've ruined the moment." "Oh!" " Unbelievable." "Oh!" " Ah!" " All right?" " Yes." "Thank you, I'm fine." " l hate cats." " Me too." "Mrs Averill's cat doesn't know it's moved." " Nasty little thing." " Badgers, cats, dogs." "This village is like a petting zoo." "Oh, well, uh..." "I'm gonna go change." " Yeah, me too. I stink." " Yes." "Goodbye." "Oh, Marty." "Marty." "Did you get to see Penhale..." "Oh, what on earth's that smell?" " That's me." " Have you trodden in something?" "No, I haven't." "Mad woman doused a bonfire with a badger in it." " A dead badger?" " Yes." "Must've escaped the culling." "Now then, where are my car keys?" "Not that culling does any good, itjust spreads it further." "Which came first, the badge with TB or the cow with TB?" "What about horses and foxes?" "They don't get it, but they spread it." "And..." "Marty?" "Oh..." "Oh, God." " Are you going to put the kettle on?" " Maybe later." " ls the doctor free this morning?" " No, afraid not." "Oh." "Never mind. I can wait." " Morning." " Sorry to bother you so early, Marty." "I need some more of my hormone replacement tablets." "I'll write you a prescription." "Like an espresso?" "Oh, do you have any instant?" "I'd love an espresso." " Did you speak to Penhale?" " Yes, I did." " The man's a complete cupcake." " Meaning?" "Sorry, I can't discuss my patients with you." "Well, isn't he agoraphobic?" "Amongst other things, yes." "I'm going to speak to the superintendent" " and have him replaced." " You're going to grass him up?" "I'm not." "The man's a public servant and unfit for purpose." "Yes, yes." "Well, you're probably right." "I just wonder whether it wouldn't be kinder to treat him than report him." "He has a phobia, as do many people, Marty." "But some of them carry on working." "No one seems to mind." "I read the instructions, I followed the instructions, I applied the cream exactly as it said, but has it made any difference?" "No." "It hadn't made any difference at all." " And I thought he'd want to know." " Sorry, he'd want to know what?" "The doctor." "He'd want to know the cream isn't working." " lt hasn't been a week yet." " He'd still want to check my progress." "And then there's Tom-Tom." "My cat." "Still missing." "I thought of putting up a poster with a picture." "I can't find my albums." "I haven't opened those boxes yet." "From the move." "All that dust." "I couldn't sleep at all last night." "The thing is, he'll ask if you've stopped smoking." " l don't believe this." " What?" "I've won £320." "£320." "What's that?" " Oh, ugh!" " What's going on?" "Mrs Averill's coughing up blood." "Oh!" "Um, right." "And in." "Out." " Could it be something bad?" " lt could be lung cancer." "Pauline." "Why are smokers always surprised when they're ill?" "They think they're gonna be the lucky ones who live to be 100." "Did you think you'd make it to 70?" " l'm 75." " Eighty?" "My mother smoked a pipe until she was 93." " And then she died." " No." "She lost her pipe." "Pauline, I'm about to ask Mrs Averill to give me a sputum sample." "I need you to get it to Truro ASAP, flagged up for immediate analysis." "Spit." "Yes." " Oh, it's you." " l've, uh... I've come to say..." " ...it's not Sam's fault." " No. I blame the parents." "No, I mean, he hasn't actually done anything wrong." "Well, I can think of a number of car owners who'd disagree." "This oppositional posturing is Sam's way of setting boundaries." "He's a robust refuser trying to communicate his needs as he goes through a difficult transition phase." "It's important we all avoid unrealistic expectations." "There's nothing unrealistic in expecting him not to scratch my car." "Anthony explains this better than me." " He's got lots of theories." " l bet he has." "Sam's at a special stage in his development." "Don't label him a criminal by telling the police." "You have told them, haven't you?" "Are you Joe Pendale?" " lt's PC Joseph Penhale." " l'm Terri Oakwood." " Oh. I've heard about you." " And about my son, I suppose." "That is so unfair." "He only scratches cars to get a reaction." "If that reaction is a knee-jerk condemnation, you can hardly expect him to stop." "So your son's the one who's been scratching the cars?" "According to Dr Ellingham." "Isn't that what Dr Ellingham told you?" "Someone else told me you've been burning badgers." "Can I have your son's full name and date of birth, please?" "Don't any of these come up pink." "When you say cherry red, how pink is that?" "Mmm." " Next patient, please." " Hang on a sec." "Gonna buy a scooter with my winnings." "Do you think pink is a good idea?" "Mrs Brown." "Doctor, have you got me test results yet?" "Yes, they came in." "I thought I'd keep them to myself." " Really?" " No, of course not." "When they come in, I will call you." "Doctor, I came on foot." " Congratulations." " Have you got five minutes?" "Yes, when I've seen Mrs Brown and my other patients." "They won't mind." "Police business." "OK?" "I was just wondering if you told anyone at headquarters about my problems." " Not yet." " There's nothing I can do to change your mind about me having to not work while I have therapy?" "I'm not trying to bribe you." "That wouldn't help." "Would it?" "What you doing?" " l was just gonna ask Pauline..." " There's no need to involve anyone else at this stage." "I didn't actually offer you money." "I don't have your patient notes." "I was gonna get them." "Oh." "Sorry." "It's just... this policing business." "It's my life." "Did you ever think about a vocation for yourself, Doctor?" " Yes, I wanted to be a doctor." " Where'd it all go wrong, eh?" " lt didn't." " Well, not for you, maybe." "But for me." "All I want, right now, is to be the best policeman in Portwenn." "You're the only policeman in Portwenn." "You're just saying that." "The question I have to ask is can you carry on doing yourjob" " whilst undergoing treatment?" " Absolutely." "You're aware of effects of cognitive behaviour therapy?" " l don't know what it is." " Right." "But you're sure you could carry out your duties in the thick of it?" " Yes." " Oh." "Well, you're either very confident, or stupid." "We both know I'm not stupid." "Thank you very much, sir." " Bye, Pauline." " Mrs Brown." "The lab in Truro e-mailed the results." "Oh." "Mrs Averill, come through, please." "Take a seat." "You tested positive for TB." "You have tuberculosis." " Am I going to die?" " Not from this, no." "I'm gonna send you to the chest clinic in Truro for an x-ray, but because you're decrepit, they'll want to keep you for weeks." "I didn't think people got TB now." "It's still common in London and abroad." "You travelled lately?" "I went to Delabole last week." "To see Rocky Balboa." "is that where l caught it?" "In Delabole?" "Uh, incubation period's much longer than a week." "You must've got it somewhere else." " When I'm in hospital..." " Yes?" "...will I be allowed to smoke?" "We better keep an eye out for pupils with possible symptoms." " Would you like me to warn the parents?" " Wouldn't do any harm." "But TB's pretty rare around here, unless you're a cow." "You could've told me all this on the phone." " l was passing." " Right." " Um, I'd better teach this lot." " Well, I've a lot to do myself." "Can everyone settle down, please?" "Oh, Martin." "Yep?" "How long does it take for a child to develop TB symptoms?" " Why do you ask?" " We had to send Sam Oakwood home." "He was coughing and looked really awful." " Hello!" " l'm in the kitchen." "Oh." "Hello." " That smells revolting." " l'm mixing Tulsi and Banarti with Vesicare, enhanced Badi." "It's for Sam." "Mmm." "Miss Glasson said he was ill." "May I see him?" "He's not too bad." "Didn't sleep very well." " Said he was hot." " But you sent him to school?" "Well, pretending to be ill is one of Sam's little triggers at the moment." "Um, he's always looking for an emotional response." " Has your son been jabbed for TB?" " Uh..." "Have we let someone inject him full of poison?" " Well, strangely, no." " lnoculations stop people from getting dangerous infectious diseases." "That is a fact" " that cannot be argued with." " He's got a cough." "Mrs Averill has tuberculosis." "She may have passed it on to your son." "He hasn't seen her for months." "When we stayed here before, they were never in the same room." "Even so, I would like to examine your son." "Sam, the doctor's here." "Right." "Just going to listen to your chest." "Ah!" "Mind Tom-Tom." " ls that Mrs Averill's cat?" " She's mine now." " lt's very thin." " We do put food out for it," " it's just not very hungry." " Does the cat sleep with you?" "Did it sleep with you when you stayed here before?" "You're perfectly happy your son shares his bed with a scrawny, flea-bitten creature?" "Sit up." "I think it's up to Sam whom or what he befriends, don't you?" "Breathe in." "Out." "Again." "Out." "Hmm." "I don't understand." "Your son's ill." "Rather than take him to a doctor," " you brew up green soup." " What would you do?" "Tested him for TB." "Nonsense." "He's just attention seeking." "I think your son contracted TB from Mrs Averill's cat" " that had infected her previously." " How could a cat catch TB?" "From a badger." "You found a badger in your garden." "It probably died from bovine TB." "I'm gonna take a sputum sample and that's for you." " A prescription?" " No, a quote for the paint on my car." "'Cause you're ill, doesn't mean you get away with damage." "Spit in there." "Go on." " How's Sam?" " Marginally less irritating" " than his parents." " No one could be that irritating." " Has he got TB?" " Yes, I'm pretty certain." " lt's unusual to get it from a cat." " A cat?" "Mrs Averill's cat." "He'll have to be put down." " Shame." " Mmm." "The boy should make a recovery from the TB." "I can't do anything about his upbringing." "I do feel sorry for Sam, having a mom and dad like that." " Mmm." " Maybe we're not being fair." " l mean, we're not parents, are we?" " You'd make a lovely mother." "Martin, quick." "Martin, quick." "Uh, Terri's tipped the Tulsi over her leg." " What?" " The green soup." "It's boiling hot and she scalded herself." "Come on!" "Come on."