"captioning made possible by comedycentral * i'm going down to south park * * gonna have myself a time * * friendly faces everywhere * * humble folks without temptation * * going down to south park * * gonna leave my woes behind *" "* ample parking day or night * * people spouting "howdy neighbor" * * headed on up to south park * * gonna see if i can't unwind *" "* ( mumbling ) * * come on down to south park * * and meet some friends of mine **" "oh dude... i just took the biggest crap !" "hey, where are you guys ?" "we're over here, by the cart !" "okay, i'm back." "dude, we've been waiting forever !" "well i'm sorry, i had to take a dump !" "if you didn't eat so much you wouldn't have diarrhea all the time, fat ass." "hey, i don't need to take any lip from a frickin' girl !" "( mumbling ) i think kyle has sweet-- ha, ha, totally !" "( kyle ) come on, we have to finish the quest in stonehaven." "stan ?" "stan ?" "hang on guys, my dad wants something." "stannn !" "what !" "you've been on your computer all weekend !" "shouldn't you go out and socialize with your friends ?" "i am socializing, r-tard !" "i'm logged on to an m-m-o-r-p-g with people from all over the world and getting x-p with my party using teamspeak." "i'm not an r-tard... alright, sorry guys." "so where to now ?" "see where i am- it's this way." "yeah, come on, let's go." "right-click on me to follow." "i am the mightiest dwarf in all of azeroth !" "wow, look at all these people playing right now !" "yeah, it's bullcrap." "i'll bet half of these people are koreans." "oh crap, it's that guy again !" "who is this ?" "this is the guy that kept killing us last night after you went to bed !" "get outta here, asshole !" "he's a way higher level than us !" "it isn't fair !" "it's alright, he can't kill us unless we agree to duel." "ahhhg... ughn !" "oh my god, he killed kenny !" "you bastard !" "ahghgh !" "uuughnnn !" "don't you have better things to do than going online, killing people ?" "no, i don't want to have to start over at the graveyard, no !" "crap !" "that son of a bitch !" "who is that guy ?" "whoever he is, he is one tough bad ass." ""world of warcraft" support line." "yeah, we bought your game, and play it online." "but every time we log in some other player comes in and kills us." "oh, that shouldn't happen." "we designed the game so that players have to agree to a duel before they can kill each other." "yeah, well this guy does it anyway !" "he's a god damn butthole !" "really, that's odd more people calling in about their characters getting killed." "oh, no." "well, we'll certainly keep a lookout for that player and ban him from the network." "better tell the guys upstairs !" "fellow board members, we have a problem." "somebody in the world of warcraft is ignoring the world's rules... and is going around killing innocent players." "why kill innocent players ?" "the game is about finishing quests." "we've got to delete him from the servers." "we can't." "whoever this player is, he's played "world of warcraft" so much, that he has reached a level we thought unreachable... he is actually able to kill our admins and he grows stronger every day." "jesus, i've got to get home !" "my kids are playing world of warcraft, right now !" "jim... your kids characters are already dead." "no... no... they just started playing !" "what kind of person would do this ?" "only one kind- whoever this person is he has played world of warcraft nearly every hour of every day for the past year and a half." "gentlemen, we are dealing with someone here who... has absolutely no life." "how do you kill..." "that which has no life ?" "randy, you working on that sediment analysis ?" "not now, nelson, i just joined a big party of night elves and we're going to explore the tower of azora together." "is that a computer game ?" "no, r-tard, it's an m-m-o-r-p-g." "these are real people i'm playing with, see ?" "i'm a hunter, level 2." "i can chat with all these other people." "i can even wave to this guy - see ?" "hello !" "in the outside world i'm a simple geologist." "but in here... i am falcorn, defender of the alliance." "i have braved the fargodeep mine, defeated the bloodfish at jerod's landing-- arrrghhh !" "hm, looks like that guy just killed you." "what ?" "!" "why ?" "my friends, as you all know some giant butthole keeps logging onto warcraft and killing all our characters." "the past four nights we've tried to play he shows up and kills us !" "he killed my character right in the middle of a quest !" "mine too !" "we've learned that the four of us can't fight him alone." "but if we all log in together we might have a chance." "hey, yeah !" "we can really stick it to that ass munch." "are you guys dumb ?" "we can't beat him, even with all of us." "it's a waste of time." "dude, we have to try." "i've got better things to do." "clyde, clyde !" "if you had a chance right now to go back in time and stop hitler, wouldn't you do it ?" "i mean, i personally wouldn't stop him cuz i think he was awesome, but you would, right ?" "i'm just gonna stop playing." "when hitler rose to power there were a lot of people who just 'stopped playing'." "you know who those people were ?" "the french." "are you french, clyde ?" "no." "voulez vous coucher avec moi, clyde ?" "alright, alright, i'll do it !" "so what's the p-p-plan ?" "alright, log in tonight from your computers at precisely 7:30." "we will meet here on the plains of the elwynn forest near westfall." "my friends... to victory !" "to victory !" "to victory !" "to victory !" "i don't play "world of warcraft"." "butters, you said you're on your computer all the time." "yeah, but i'm playing 'hello kitty island adventure'." "butters, go buy world of warcraft, install it on your computer, and join the online sensation before we all murder you." "oh, alright, alright then... alright, you guys this is it !" "when the attack begins all warriors click on "defensive stance"" "everyone else wait for craig to cast his intellect buff." "okay !" "got it !" "the battle is sure to be long so make sure you all have your special abilities macro'd to your keyboards." "alright, eric, you can c-c-c-count on us." "timmy !" "this shall be a day for all to remember !" "let us bravely charge the fields of azeroth !" "from which- hey fellas !" "boy, this is neat-o huh ?" "butters, what the hell are you doing ?" "i got world of warcraft like you said." "you can't be the dwarf character, butters, i'm the dwarf." "wul, there's only like four races to choose from !" "so pick another one- i'm the dwarf you stupid asshole." "log out, create a new character and log back in !" "i like "hello kitty island adventure"" "a lot more than this stuff... come on, let's do this !" "yeah, my mom says have to be in bed at 9:30 !" "then, let's move out !" "arrrh !" "arrrh !" "arrrh !" "aghgh !" "ahggh !" "aghgh !" "aghgh !" "look, there he is !" "everyone hold !" "he's targeting us !" "prepare to charge !" "scroll over him with your mouse cursors... and... right click !" "arrrh !" "arrrh !" "arrrh !" "what the-- !" "oh jesus, he summoned scorpions !" "( all yelling ) arrgh, i'm burning !" "oh jesus, i'm burning !" "kenny's down..." "kenny is down !" "aahgh !" "but i'm gonna poop in my pants !" "ike, look out !" "aahgg, kyle !" "alright clyde, hit him with your crossbow !" "hit him now, clyde !" "clyde ?" "!" "clyde !" "clyde, you asshole !" "goddammit, we lost clyde !" "hey stan, can i play with you guys ?" "dad ?" "yeah, i'm playing from the office." "dad get off off our teamspeak line !" "ughnnn... that's it i'm dead." "uughnn !" "that's it, screw this game." "no... get it off..." "godddd.... god f---king dammit !" "oh jesus..." "oh god no... what ?" "he's just finished killing every single player in the arathi highlands." "how many people's characters were in there ?" "over five thousand." "there are over seven million people who log on to world of warcraft !" "are you telling me all those people's characters are going to die and there's nothing we can do to save them ?" "!" "yes... and it won't be long before everyone gets really, really frustrated and stops playing altogether." "gentlemen... this could very well lead to the end of the world..." "of warcraft." "no !" "nooo !" "what the hell are you guys doing ?" "don't tell me you all quit playing world of warcraft, too !" "dude, we're done." "we're sick of getting killed all the time." "guys when things look bad, you can't just give up on the world... of warcraft." "we don't have a choice dude." "that guy killed our characters 14 times !" "i have a solution, you guys." "that guy can kill us so easily because he's a super-high level, right ?" "but if we were super-high level too... we can't get to a higher level because that dude doesn't let us finish quests !" "that's why we need to just log in, and stay in the forest..." "killing boars." "boars ?" "there are lots of computer-generated boars that die with just one blow." "dude, boars are only worth two experience points a piece !" "do you know how many we would have to kill to get up 30 levels ?" "yes..." "65,340,285." "which should take us 7 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours and 20 minutes- giving ourselves 3 hours a night to sleep." "what do you say, guys ?" "you can just hang outside all day in the sun all day tossing a ball around, or you can sit at your computer and do something that matters... * live to win * * 'til you die *" "* 'til the light's out in your eye * * live to win * * take it all * * just keep fighting 'til you fall * * day by day kick it all the way * * i'm not caving' in *" "* then another round begins * * live to win * * yeahhh * * live * * yeahhh * * win * sir, you better have a look at this." "four of our subscribers." "they've gone up fifty levels in three weeks !" "my god... they must have no lives at all !" "a hope ?" "a chance... * live to win * * 'til you die * * 'til the light's out in your eye... * dude, my mouse-clicking finger hurts." "keep clicking, kyle, you can do it !" "* ... just keep fighting 'til you fall * * day by day kick it all the way * * i'm not caving' in * * then another round begins * * live to win *" "* yeahhh * * live * * yeahhh * * win **" "the admins tell us, they are four players from a small town in colorado." "are they strong enough to defeat the evil one ?" "we ran the numbers, even with their amazing rise in levels, they have a ninety percent mortality probability." "they'd be walking into a slaughter." "there has to be, some way we can help them... what about..." ""the sword of a thousand truths" ?" "quiet, thomas, we aren't to even speak of that sword !" "but maybe these new players are the ones the prophecy foretold of !" "it is not an option !" "what is this sword ?" "long ago, when the world of warcraft was created, one of the programmers put a sword, called" ""the sword of a thousand truths"" "into the game inventory." "apparently it could cause 120 damage per second with an instant mana burn and an enchantment that boosted stamina plus eighty." "but, the sword was considered to be too powerful for anyone to possess." "so it was removed from the game and stored on a one-gig flash drive." "but it was foretold that one day players who could wield the sword might reveal themselves." "who foretold this prophecy ?" "saltzman..." "he's in accounting." "behold... the sword of a thousand truths." "we must get this sword to the ones who have proven they have no life." "let's just hope to christ they don't start the battle before we can reach them." "alright you guys." "the moment of truth is here." "it is time for our final battle." "everyone, log in !" "i'm in." "me too." "okay." "everyone equip healing potions to the hotbar if you haven't already." "uh, kyle go ahead and cast arcane brilliance to raise our intelligence." "hang on, i'm chaining my firespells for max range." "nice." "stan, what enchantment does your cloak of the tiger have ?" "plus 15 agility." "give the cloak to kenny he needs the agility boost for bow attacks." "'kay." "hold on, this fight could last more than twelve hours." "what if we run out of food ?" "don't worry, i have that covered." "mom ?" "yes, hon ?" "more hot pockets." "right away, hon." "that's uber-cool." "alright, everyone ready ?" "ready." "ready." "let's go get 'im !" "wait..." "i think i see him." "yeah - he's here in goldshire." "okay, everyone open a your f-list and auto-locate to stan." "what's the auto-locate macro ?" "command-zero." "okay, right behind stan." "kenny, get ready to turn on true-shot aura." "at that moment i will use intimidating shout." "okay, he sees us." "he's targeted us." "okay, hit him with pyroblast, kyle." "casting." "there's an 8-second cast time." "aren't you spec'ed to reduce cast time ?" "no, i'm an arcane fire mage." "christ... he cast summon again." "everyone target the scorpions... yes ?" "we are looking for a great knight by the name of "luvs2spooge"." "that's my son's character's name in warcraft." "where is he ?" "who are you ?" "sir, we don't have time !" "we just heard from our admins that your son's party is already in battle !" "unless they have this sword your son's character is going to die." "oh my god !" "( cup breaks )" "kyle, fire spell !" "haah-- hahg ?" "kyle ?" "ahggh !" "kyle, dude, what's wrong ?" "carpel tunnel !" "carpel tunnel !" "it's bad-- aaaghgh !" "oh jesus, he's got it bad !" "quick, we need ben gay !" "hurry, dude !" "i'm going as fast as i can !" "kyle, you have to keep playing." "i can't, just leave me behind." "we can't do this without you !" "now come on !" "stan, stan !" "sharon, where's stan ?" "i don't know." "he took his computer somewhere to play that stupid online game." "stupid ?" "where ?" "i don't know." "sharon, his character is going to die if we don't get to him !" "so what ?" "so what ?" "!" "so what ?" "!" "we're too late... without the sword the players will fail." "if we could get to a computer, we could sign on to the world of warcraft and give the boys the sword online." "i don't have a world of warcraft account, do you !" "no, i have a life !" "give me the sword." "you ?" "i have a warcraft character." "i'm a newb, but i can log on and get the sword to stan online." "we can't trust the sword of a thousand truths to a newb !" "sounds to me like we don't have a choice." "give me the sword." "ahhhh... come on, we've got to get to a computer that works !" "where's your car ?" "we took a cab here !" "dammit, mine's in the shop !" "hey- help, stop !" "please, it's an emergency !" "ughn !" "come on !" "nelson... nelson !" "i need to come over and use your computer !" "no, i need to play world of warcraft !" "nelson ?" "( chips crunching )" "alright, major stone shield potions should be- oh god, i'm gonna have diarrhea again." "urhggh... you can't go to the bathroom, your stacking sundor armor." "it's okay- mom, bathroom !" "what, hon ?" "bathroom !" "bathroom !" "oh-ho, that's a big boy, isn't he ?" "alright, kenny drink your elixir of the mongoose, i am now going to use mocking blow... world of warcraft, i need to play !" "our demo is set up right over by the-- agh !" "got to..." "sign in... character name..." "alright, i'm in !" "dude, i'm almost dead." "kyle, cast arcane missiles !" "i'm out of mana, i told you !" "i've got to heal !" "stann !" "dad, not now !" "stan, i've been sent here to bring you this... this sword can completely drain his mana !" "dad, how did you get that ?" "no time, just take it !" "here !" "how- how do you hand something from one player to another ?" "bring up your inventory screen- control-i !" "okay... stan what the hell are you doing ?" "i got it !" "aaghgh !" "daddd !" "stannn... dad no !" "you killed my father... aagh !" "ughh !" "his shield and armor spells are down !" "attack !" "looks like you're about to get pwned." "rarhghgh !" "dad, dad ?" "stann... i've never been able to say this before but... i love you, son." "i know you do, dad." "arghgh, arhghggh.... arghgh... arhghgh... they did it !" "our world is saved !" "they did it, they killed him !" "they did it !" "they killed him !" "we can come out !" "alright !" "yes !" "yeah !" "alright." "woo hoo." "we did it, you guys we're totally heroes." "that was such uber-pwnage." "i can't believe it's all over." "what do we do now ?" "what do you mean ?" "now we can finally play the game." "oh yeah." "okay, kenny add eyes of the beast to your hotbar." "stan check your fury talents to boost your shouts... got it." "captioning made possible by comedycentral captioned by soundwriters* carpel tunnel !" "carpel tunnel !" "aaaghgh !" "oh jesus, he's got it bad !" "quick, we need ben gay !" "hurry, dude !" "i'm going as fast as i can !"