"Yeah." "oh, yes." "yeah, right there." "oh, yeah!" "yeah. yeah." "[beeping stops, moaning continues] oh, yeah!" "yeah!" "oh, yeah!" "oh, yeah!" "*gotmyselfintrouble * i thought i'd be all right * but tonight is not my night * i know it just because * when i look out the window goodmorning." "morning." "*i seeit 'sstillraining * everybody's here you'reupearly." "yep." "what?" "you could've done his friend if you wanted to." "youknowi'mseeingsomeone." "oh,yes-- what's-his-face." "mark." "you'vebeenoutwithhim- - what?" " three times now." "four." "whatthefuckare you waiting for?" "*oh,i'mfeelingallthe things you are *" "* and what you have in store will bring me joy *" "* i'm feeling all the things you are * * and what you have in store will bring me joy * iwilltransferyou ,ifyou could just hold please." "crap. oh, shit." "hi.i 'mhannahsilver." "firstday?" "dude,shewas,like, dripping." "damn!" "iknow." "i've never made someone actually squirt like that." "squirt -- that's what you should call her." "hey." "have you guys met the new girl yet?" "hi." "thisishannah." "she's my friend, so be nice to her and make her feel at home, okay?" "welcometotheteam." "thankyou." "yeah.seeyouaround." "oh,whatamiserabledick he is." "he thinks just 'cause he banged every girl in the office he's some kind of superhero." "really?" "every...?" "well,practicallyevery." "not me." "sorry,wewere-- yeah,thanksforjoiningus." "sit down." "all right." "now that we're all here... let's get into what this perspective account is all about." "hannah silver." "what does this make you think of?" "come on, what do they teach you in those mbas?" "first thing that comes into your mind." "um... popsinyourhead." "boom. pah!" "condoms." "hannahsilver,everyone." "so, um... how do we get from, uh, from here to... there?" "meet fred fierce's new brand of vodka." "who?" "exactly." "i had a meeting with mr. fierce last week." "okay, so, this isn't necessarily the newest strategy by any means, but mr. fierce would like to have the consumers specifically associate his liquor with... sex." "hesuggestedwe callthe  product, um..." ""get it."" "like," girl,you'regonnaget  it."" "oh.yes." "i didn't -- i didn't get that." "fromhim." "exactlylikethat." "that's what he means." "mm." "yeah,butwe can'tuse that." "sowe'resupposedtotryand market this like it's legal roofies, like "you gonna get it"?" "that's what we're... yougonnaget--yougonna  get it." "getit." "bob,i 'mhearingthat,and  i'm thinking that it sounds immoral." "allright,i'mgonnaneed  some, uh, some seriously targeted research on this." "silver, i think this would be a good opportunity for you to, you know, just to dig in and -- and -- and get your hands dirty, and, abrams, you're my -- you're" "my top research guy." "i need you to take her out, you know, and -- and show her the ropes." "um, is it hot in here, or is it just me?" "my -- my lips feel like dead worms." "okay, good meeting, everybody." "doyoueversellanything without using sex?" "no." "you're just lucky you get to go out in the field." "you need to expense everything, okay?" "i'll show you how to fill out those reports later." "dude,youaresogonnafuck her." "her?" "yeah,man." "dude,thatis aterrible, terrible idea." "okay,that'sneverstopped you before." "yeah,butdidyou hearthat  chick?" "condoms." "dude,she'satotalprude." "she'd probably shatter." "ihadareallygreattime tonight." "sodidi." "ijust... i really want to take things slow." "okay." "goodnight." "goodnight." "yeah!" "yeah!" "oh,yeah." "yeah, yeah, faster, faster!" "oh, yes, yes!" "oh, yeah, yeah, just like that!" "just like -- ooh!" "youneedto getanewbed." "youneedto putsomeboys in yours." "whyiseverythingalways about sex with you?" "it'shumannature." "it's animal instinct." "well,i 'dliketo thinki'm  more evolved than that." "eww." "second notice to pay fine." "didwegetafirst?" "theticketis thefirst." "seriously, you have a master's degree, and you don't know that?" "1,000fuckingdollars?" "!" "well,maybeyoucan findsome  brilliant way to write it off on your taxes." "oh,um,i'mnot payingthis ." "well,then,youcan goto court." "there's a date printed on there." "itwasyourparty." "yeah,foryourbirthday." "plus, i wasn't the one hanging out the window howling like a wolf at 3:00 in the morning." "that award goes to you." "well,youknowhow igetwhen i drink." "ido." "i kind of wish you did it more." "whenyouwantsomething,you just... crawl to it." "roll over on your back." "and your hands should be on your beautiful bodies, ladies." "okay, just squeeze hard." "you're -- just trust your foundation." "you're gonna get this, i promise." "now take this hand and clamp it down here." "good. all right." "and just let go." "yeah, that's it." "perfect. good job." "hey,mariacalledand is sick." "again?" "i'mtellingyou,she is pregnant." "also, we have three more women call about... blow-job classes." "still?" "we don't do that." "mostofthemare actually just housewives from jersey, too." "you'd think that they would, you know, have that skill down pat by now." "mm." "do you want to teach that class?" "oh,no.oh ,no.i'm not gay ." "aw,soyouwanttoputan ad out for someone who can demonstrate sucking dick?" "'cause i don't." "okay,movingalong." "we also had one of these again." "psycho-christian, puritanical, you know, cease and desist, or whatever." "writethemaletterback  saying that they need to get laid." "okay,yeah,i'mgonnado that." "i'll get right on top of that." "good." "yep." "gota minuteto go overthe  game plan?" "ofcourse." "okay,so,ifigurewehitup  these places, ask a few questions, write down a few answers." "iknowhowitworks." "okay." "well, the highlighted ones are owned by some friends of mine, so we could go to those first." "fireandice?" "isn't that a strip club?" "yes." "look, this project might require some investigation you might not be used to." "is that gonna be, like, a problem for you?" "youthinkican 'thandlea strip club?" "youshouldtakeitasa compliment." "putthison ." "what?" "whatis it ?" "it'smy"comehither"shirt, and i'm letting you borrow it tonight." "tonight?" "ben'sparty." "you'll thank me later." "oh,shit.iforgot." "would you hate me if i bailed?" "yes." "the poor kid only has two friends of his own coming." "you have to come, you have to have fun, and maybe you'll even have sex." "oh,really?" "withwhom?" "anyoneatthispoint." "that shirt is man bait -- if you wear it properly." "how do i look?" "great." "butifyouwereaguy , would you want to fuck me?" "can we have two beers please?" "forget it." "ijustdon'tunderstandwhy you need to meet a guy who just wants to fuck you." "andi don'tunderstand wanting to be a sexually repressed possession." "tomato, to-mah-to." ""possession"?" "i may not have given mark the best sex of his life yet, but i have him right where i want him." "really?" "mm-hmm." "andwhatareyou gettingout of that?" "ooh!" "birthday boy!" "happybirthday." "good to see you." "spilledyourvirgincosmo." "itisawhiskey." "big-boydrinktonight." "yes,itis ." "how'syourbirthday,ben ?" "it'sbeenreallygood." "all:cheers." "i'ma man." "yougotthis,right?" "every- -everybirthday." "letmebuyyou adrink." "idon'tnormallytakecandy from strangers, but... all right." "andshe'sin ." "soishe ." "oh, my god." "what?" "what is it?" "um... nothing. i... i just... thought i saw someone i knew." "that'sfine." "i'll just stay here till you get back from the bathroom, i guess." "andthat,my littleprotã©gã©, is how it's done." "so,you'resayingthati should just bump into some hot chick and then she'll buy me a drink?" "well,it'sdifferentfor  guys." "ofcourse.right." "where'shannah?" "uh,bathroom,ithinksome of tonight may be coming back up." "already?" "will you hold this?" "just a second." "it'sme." "what are you doing?" "crisis...management." "what'sgoingon ?" "markishere." "hannah,it'slikeasign from  god that you need to fuck him." "i'm gonna walk you through this." "no,notalone." "well,a threesomeat this point is out of the question." "no!" "i mean mark is not here alone." "i just saw him kissing some other girl." "god, i'm so stupid." "hannah,youarenot stupid." "a little prude, maybe, but not stupid." "i'msosickofbeinganice  girl." "what does that even mean, anyway?" "definitely doesn't mean i get what i want." "hannah... life is not about getting what you want, okay?" "it's about taking what you want." "if you want him, go out there and get him." "you do want him, don't you?" "no,i don'twantsomeother girl's sloppy seconds." "well,whatdo youwantthen ?" "idon'tknow." "maybe i just need some professional help." "what,likean escort?" "no,likeatherapist." "youdon'tneedtherapy." "you just need to get wasted." "come on. let's go." "*um...what?" "* they said, "hey, girl, do your thang, do your thang, do your thang" * * hey, girl, do your thang, do your thang, do your thang * *bringit back" "* bring it back * bring it back * bring it back thisair-fuckingis at least a small step forward." "she'sbeenunleashed." "it's kind of turning me on." "*ifyoutry toholla, try to kick some game * * he said you go hard-hard in the paint * * and i told him ah, no * he said can i get your... to put in my iphone *" "* 1-800-65-no youknowyoucouldbeeven naughtier, right?" "yeah,i wantto fuckhim like this." "hehasno ideawhathe's  missing." "hey, hannah." "see that guy there?" "he wants all of this." "hedoes?" "yeah,andhe wantstocome  home with you tonight, if you want him to." "yes." "*i 'llshowyouyours if you show me mine *" "stopcomplainingandmake some coffee." "uh-oh- -cranky-morning leslie." "doyouguyshavetobe so  loud?" "no,no,no ,no ,no ." "don't provoke her." "she didn't get any last night." "i'msorry." "maybe if hannah would've made my sacrifice worthwhile, we could all enjoy a lovely morning together." "themassiveamountsofvodka we drank aren't helping any, either." "therewasalsoalotof champagne." "don'tsaychampagne." "ohh." "whatwereyouthinking, trying to set me up when i was blackout-drunk?" "whenelseareyou gonnalet some guy fuck your brains out?" "hello. i'm trying to help you." "okay,i don'twanttofight about this, okay?" "helping me catch an std is not helping me." "i'msorrythatyou 'vebecome so frigid since "he who shall not be named" that i practically have to arrange a date-rape for you to get some." "youwantto helpme?" "find me someone to sleep with who's not a complete asshole." "hannah,didyoueverthink, maybe, that if you were fucking mark already, he wouldn't have been kissing some other girl last night?" "ormaybehe stillwould." "well,yougottofuck them  before they fuck you." "doyouthinkthatdude 's gonna fall for you before you even give him a taste?" "it'snotlikei'm aprudeor something." "look." "i don't believe in love, okay?" "i believe in orgasms." "becominga slutisn'tgonna solve my problems." "whatareyoutalkingabout?" "sex fixes everything." "youthinki'maslut ?" "ithinkit woulddoyousome good to lay off the pounding for a while." "i also think i'd appreciate the quiet so i could get some sleep." "i'm not saying you're a slut." "but you can hardly go two days without shuttling someone new into your bed." "that's not normal." "well,maybeidon 'twantto be normal." "but that's my choice." "i can go for -- without sex for as long as it takes for you to sleep with 100 guys." "wouldyouliketobeton that?" "oh, no. i'm sorry." "no, i was just wondering about... actually... yes." "yes, i would." "if hannah just bangs 10 guys, i will totally "re-vi."" "re-vi?" "re-virginize." "really?" "deal." "you sleep with anyone before i get to 10, you have to go to court for our ticket." "thatjustgivesyou six  weeks." "justbecauseshe'sneverdone  it doesn't mean she can't do it." "yes,ofcourse." "youdidn'tknowmebeforemy whole phase." "2001 was a good year." "i must've fucked 20 guys that summer." "changed my life." "wait." "you -- you fucked guys?" "yes." "before i fucked women, i fucked guys." "before i fucked guys, well, i was hannah." "yeah,butimeanshe's,like,  nothing like you." "youunderestimateher." "leslie without sex, on the other hand, is completely incapable." "ibelievein leslie." "i think she has more discipline and willpower than you realize." "howmuch?" "howmuchwhat?" "howmuchdo youbelievein her?" "enough to make a friendly wager?" "heseemsnice." "silver,whatwasthat?" "dates.net?" "no." "no." "yes." "no." "yes." "yes." "i was doing... research." "market research." "it's an important psychographic to look at these dating sites." "ilikeit ." "i like your thinking." "very clever." "thankyou." "lunchmeetingtomorrow." "yeah." "hey." "we still on for saturday?" "ithoughtfriday?" "no,i gotadateonfriday." "well,i haveadateon saturday." "uh-huh." "sorry." "i'llseeif ican moveit." "meetmehereat7 :00." "okay." "seriously,ben?" "youdoknowthatotherpeople have hobbies that don't involve rubbing naked bodies together, right?" "idohaveotherhobbies." "likewhat?" "likemyjob." "ajobis notahobby." "youlookhot." "i'mnervous." "why?" "well, you could show a little more boob." "but they'll come out later, so what's the rush, right?" "right.whatif imessup?" "youputout." "how can you mess that up?" "whatifhe doesn'twantto have sex yet?" "right -- all men want to have sex always." "look,ifyou'regonnaget through this, you're really gonna have to figure out how to keep your hands and your mouth as busy as possible in your free time." "'kay." "likethis.like--look ." "that's fun -- exotic yarns." "whatifi'mbad atit?" "it's been a while." "it'llallcomebacktoyou, like riding a bike." "whatiftheythinkthesex means something?" "afteronedate?" "no man will ever complain about you having sex with him and not wanting to see him again." "they're just not wired that way." "that's why they're men." "just have a few drinks to loosen up -- just a few, not so many that you vomit on him, okay?" "inhibitionsoutthedoor." "she's gonna break some hearts." "shebetterbreaksomeballs." "hello, old friend." "we meet again." "so,thenijustdecidedthat all i ever wanted to do was teach." "i mean, all of the most important people in my life have been teachers or someone who's taught me something." "uh-huh." "buti thinkthatbeingagood teacher is knowing that some kids you can impact and some you can't." "you know?" "yes." "i completely understand." "youknow,you'rethe first person i've met off the website." "me too." "ireallylikeyou ." "ireallylikeyou ,too ." "ohh." "uh... oh, fuck!" "so... willyoutakemehome ?" "um,yes." "thisismy bedroom." "uh-huh." "you're so cute." "thankyou." "mm." "areyouokay?" "yeah.yes." "yousure?" "yeah." "yes." "justrelax." "arewealoneinthe apartment?" "there'snooneinmyroom." "is there anyone in your room?" "obviouslynot." "okay,justchecking." "ireallyneedyou tojust do two things for me right now." "one -- coffee." "two -- tell me that you got plowed like a cornfield last night." "well... isthatcumonyour bra?" "yeah,itgotmessy." "hehadto pullout ?" "have i taught you nothing?" "go from no sex at all to doing it in the raw?" "um,wedidn'texactlyhave  sex." "what?" "wedidn'texactlyhavesex." "whatdoyoumeandidn 'thave  sex?" "well,i mean,we fooled around." "why are you walking like that?" "because while you were busy giving seventh-grade blow jobs and not even swallowing last night... i hurt myself." "itwasn'texactlyablow job." "i mean, i just started touching it, and then, all of a sudden, before i knew it... pew!" "didyouforgetthatthat 's how the penis works?" "you really are a 12-year-old in the body of a 25-year-old, aren't you?" "allright,lastnightwas just a warm-up." "i had to become friends with the penis again." "howmanytimesadaydoyou  think about sex?" "atleast... four times an hour." "okay." "and what triggers your thoughts about sex?" "hannah." "you can't just keep your eyes on the paper when you're interviewing people." "you have to look them in the eyes, make them feel comfortable, make them feel safe, read their facial expressions, their body language." "it's more than just asking questions and then writing it down on the page." "okay,nextquestion." "do you think you need to impress a woman to get her into bed with you?" "yeah,orpayher ." "ifyouweretryingtogeta girl to go home with you, what would you do?" "buyheradrinkmaybe?" "yeah?" "what kind of drink would you buy her?" "whatevershewants." "whatevershelikes." "how many drinks do you think you'd buy her?" "asmanyas it takes,man ." "asmanyas it takes." "takea lookat this." "you know what i'm saying?" "arethereanybrandsofvodka  here that you think would impress a woman?" "yeah,sure." "you know, anything with a good label on it, you know?" "flying dove -- they love that." "they love the feathers or something about it." "you know, something like that -- that frosty bottle." "yes." ""frosty bottle."" "excuseme." "sorry." "that'sokay." "someone's birthday?" "oh,um,no ,i'mjustteaching myself how to bake." "reminding myself, rather." "itlookslikeit'sgonnabe something delicious." "actually,i don'tknowwhat it's gonna be yet." "cookingforaboyfriend, or...?" "no." "soyou'resingle." "um...yes,andno." "soi couldaskyou for your number, but i shouldn't." "i definitely can't ask you out on a date, right?" "notreally,no ." "isee." "i just wanted to try whatever you were baking, so... sorry." "youdon'tknowwhatitis  yet." "youdon't,either." "that's what makes it kind of enticing." "isupposewe couldarrange for a tasting." "it seems innocent enough." "allright." "what?" "youdon'tthinkso?" "idon'tknow." "it was a little weird." "why?" "askingguysquestionsabout sex with topless dancers shaking their boobies three feet away." "oh,mygod." "how did you get to be so uptight, silver?" "i'mnotuptight." "it's just what have we really learned today?" "that guys need to pay women or get them drunk or high to get laid?" "how is that enlightening?" "itjusthelpsusmarketour product." "it'sdepressing." "whyisthatsodepressing?" "itdoesn'tmatter." "we got what we needed." "no,really,i'mcuriousto know why that's so depressing." "justforgetisaidanything." "ican't." "i want to know, really." "why is it depressing?" "you'remyco-worker,not my friend." "let's just keep it professional." "okay." "ican'tbelieveyou still want me to go to this." "yousaidyouwould." "yeah,butthatwas beforei swore off sex for like an eternity." "sixweeksis notaneternity." "you're my plus-1, just like i'm yours." "do you think i enjoy going to all your aerial dance parties and watching you and your friends climb poles for no tips?" "yes." "whatever,that'snotthe  point." "look,thatchurchnextdoor  dropped a class twice today with their fanatical phone calls." "i'm already having a tortured day." "i'm already having a tortured day, and now i have to go a new york city firemen's party and keep my hands to myself?" "aww,everyaddicthas toface  their vice eventually." "let'sbeclearaboutwhyi 'm going." "becauseyouloveme." "becauseyouneedmyhelp ." "and you are bringing home a man tonight, even if i have to drag them by the dick to make it happen -- just this once, though." "after that, you're on your own, bitch." "i mean that in the most loving way possible." "mm." "anyway,let'sfindyou aman and get the fuck out of here." "okay,butremember,iam here  for work." "hey,ladies." "thisistracy." "she organized the whole thing." "leslie." "nicetomeetyou ." "oh, my god, right?" "yeah.whichonedoyoulike?" "neither." "i only hook up with guys with trust funds or fortune 500 companies." "but they're nice to look at." "theyare." "whatareyouladiestalking about?" "you,obviously." "obviously?" "do you need a drink?" "always." "well,that'smy project partner." "you would attract him." "i'mjustplaying." "he clearly has bad taste, anyway." "hereyougo ." "what'd i miss?" "wewerejustdiscussingwhat  bad taste you have." "really?" "what, you don't like microbrews?" "imeanthestarfish." "whatdoyoumean,starfish?" "heterosexualposition?" "okay." "itstillgivesyou aplaceto stick it, right?" "absolutely." "he'scute." "isaywe leaveand takehim with us." "idon'tevenknowhim." "sure,youdo ." "his name's rufus." "youknowwhatimean ." "well,youdidn'tknowwebsite guy, either." "pete?" "whatever." "well,atleastihada  profile i could read." "i felt like i knew him." "idon'twantyou totake this  the wrong way, but i think you know from experience that you can know someone for a few years and never really know them." "iamsorry." "i don't know how to get rid of him." "when i asked him to come home with us, he just assumed i meant both of them." "aretheyattachedatthehip or something?" "fucking men." "whatdoyouwantmeto do ?" "i can just tell him to forget it." "you'regettinglaidtonight, okay?" "i will deal with this." "wait." "um... i haven't done this in a while." "it'sokay." "i'll be gentle." "wanttowatchsomething?" "iwantto watchyou ." "me?" "you want to watch me dance?" "hannah, you better be getting so fucked right now." "you'remyfreakylittle sideshow." "oh,paul,do youknowwhat  i'm really into?" "what'sthat?" "goldenshowers." "youokay?" "yeah.yeah." "whatthefuckare you so happy about?" "oh, right." "you got laid last night." "itwasn'tlikethat." "it was nice." "great." "one down, nine to go." "and don't go getting all touchy-feely on me." "he was short and stupid." "do better next time." "wedidn'tevenexchange numbers or anything." "it's really freeing, actually." "welcometothedarkside ." "doyousmellsomething?" "like... pee?" "don'task." "you don't mind if i have a friend over later, do you?" "you'll probably be out, anyways." "afriend?" "yes,a friend." "john." "tim." "gordon." "philip." "scott." "why don't we interview women?" "becausemendrinkmorethan  women do, and that's the market that we're working with." "buthaven'tyoueverheardof ladies' night?" "all the ladies show up, so then the guys want to be there, too." "don'tyouthinkthat'skind  of a simplistic model to go on?" "will?" "yeah." "ifthereis avodkathat  every hot girl you knew wanted to drink, wouldn't you always want to have it on hand?" "forshizzle." "iseewhatyou 'redoing." "whataresomethingsaman  could do to impress you in a bar?" "um,hecouldcallmealatina  lovebug." "i like that because i'm jewish, and when a man thinks i'm latina or italian or something, i just -- it brings out the spiciness in me." "um... i don't -- i don't really talk to men in bars at all." "effguys,youknow?" "like, it's just about, like, chatting, like, talking about guys, but, like, no guys." "wouldyoube moreimpressed with a man buying you a top-shelf liquor as opposed to well liquor or beer?" "yes." "andwhyis that?" "becausethey'remore expensive." "definitelya top-shelfliquor because that means they're rich." "wellliquor." "oh,youdo liketobebought cheap liquor?" "yes." "okay." "if there was a new vodka coming out, say, called fierce vodka, that was geared specifically towards women, what would interest you in buying that vodka?" "maybeifyouwanttomake like a vodka that your campaign is like, "drink this and listen and communicate."" "geta nakedmantobethe spokesmodel." "eww,i hatevodka." "youknow,maybe--maybeput the bottle somewhere in this area of his body." "howmanydrinkswouldittake for you to go home with a guy?" "aguywalksuptoyou." "he's attractive." "how many drinks would you say he would need to buy you before you, you know, go home and have sex with him?" "fuckingasshole." "that's,uh... yeah." "thatwentwell." "yeah,itwasawesome." "itwentgreat." "i feel really fantastic." "they love me." "thisisagoodlook forme." "i think i'll leave the female interviews up to you." "wow." "i'm already in charge of my own area." "that is quite some progress for two weeks." "calmdown." "don't let it go to your head." "so, what's with the sudden fascination with trying to help guys get laid?" "maybei 'mhelpingwomen." "well,helpingwomenis helping guys." "well,youwouldknow." "what'sthatsupposedtomean ?" "justa guylikeyou would know a thing or two about getting laid." "wait.a guylikeme?" "ishouldgo ." "no.what?" "comeon." "stay. it's early." "we're celebrating." "we're talking." "stay. don't go. come on." "iguesstworejectionsinone night would be a lot for you." "cheers." "wine?" "yes,i 'veheardit 'sgoodto drink in the evenings." "that'seitherreallysweetor really sleazy." "iwasraisedwell." "aslongas you'renot trying to get me drunk." "restassured,iamjust using you for your cupcakes." "is that why men are so shallow?" "wearenotshallow." "we are simple, okay?" "you'reshamelessis whatyou  are." "look,justbecauseaguycan get laid doesn't mean he can get what he wants." "isn'tthatalltheywant ?" "you really don't know shit about guys, do you?" "youreallydo notknowshit  about women." "well,youwomencertainlyare complicated creatures to figure out." "takes years of practice, and i got kind of a late start." "howlate?" "like18late." "shutup!" "what?" "youdon'tbelieveme?" "no." "iwasin highschool." "i was waiting for love." "that'sawesome." "just laugh it up." "this girl broke my heart -- crushed me." "i'msorry." "whataboutyou?" "how old were you?" "that'snoneof yourbusiness." "don'tdothat." "come on." "was it a college romance, thought you were gonna marry the guy?" "no." "um... i was 14." "14?" "iwasaveryfree-spirited adolescent, and he was my best friend." "so,whathappenedwiththis  guy?" "um... he's gay now." "oh,silver.ouch." "no,it'sokay.it'sokay ." "but let's just say it wasn't exactly the best, so i didn't do it again for a while." "but high school brought other kinds of crazy behavior." "really?" "like what kind of crazy behavior?" "like... streaking." "streaking?" "what?" "you never went through a rebellious phase?" "wow." "how many did you make?" "i'mnotgonnaanswerthat ." "arewesittinghere?" "yes." "okay." "havea seat." "iamstoked." "youready?" "yep.bring'emon." "holy cow." "everythingyoudreamedofand more." "well,i haveto tastethem first, but... they look very promising." "should i -- any one?" "yeah." "i'lltrythisguy ." "mmm." "everything and more." "yes!" "i keep discovering all these... talents i forgot i had." "letmeguess--a recent breakup?" "somethinglikethat." "iknowhowthatgoes ." "it's how i got back into my art." "i guess everyone needs an outlet at some point, right?" "what did you put in this?" "date-rapedrugs." "tastes like it." "oh, my god." "ican'tbelieveyou talkedme into doing this." "ithinkthatthe adult beverages did a little more talking than i did." "oh,mygod,thisisso  against the rules!" "oh,fucktherules." "shutup." "fucktherules!" "shutup." "you're nervous!" "um...i thinkit 'snotsomuch  nervous as it is that i feel like i'm on some fucking lame corporate retreat and we have to do some fucking trust exercise for the benefit of team morale," "except for it's like totally... naked." "look,thisis youridea,and i'm not doing it unless you do it." "i'mgonnado it !" "ohh,somuchfor keeping things professional." "it'sa coldnight,sodon't, uh... judge me." "both:ready?" "okay.one... both:two... three." "aah!" "you'realone." "yeah,notakerstonight." "youbettergetonthat shit ." "only four more weeks." "ithoughtit wasfive." "don'tremindme ." "careful with those." "they blunt your libido." "welandthisaccount,this  could mean huge things for us -- huge things, not least of which would be the presenting of the campaign at the brand launch over the summer." "i'm, uh, meeting with fierce's people tomorrow, so, uh, it's due day, folks." "hit me with your ideas, whatever you got." "it's sink or swim, kids. go." "wefoundthekey was luxury, so, you know, you develop a cachet of luxury around the vodka, make it seem impressive." "yeah?" "yeah." "that'sgreat." "everyone does luxury, will." "that's so... i mean, i don't need my vodka to wear diamond and pearls and little fur coats, do you?" "i mean, you know, that's -- yeah." "we're done with that one." "thank you." "anything else?" "come on. hit me." "let's go." "marketthevodkatowomen?" "yeah,greatidea,silver, except men drink between two to three times more than women, so that's market value 101, so, yeah." "anything else?" "come on." "ifwewanttoconvincemen that this vodka will help them with women, we have to make this vodka every woman's vodka." "the men will buy it." "i -- donny and i interviewed a lot of women with no brand loyalty whatsoever." "it's an untapped market." "it'strue.she'sright." "it'srisky." "but i like it." "i like it." "silver... good work." "that's what we're going with." "so,howshouldicelebrate?" "hemayhavesomeideas." "him?" "he's practically a model." "and even if he was straight, do you really think he'd want to sleep with me over other models?" "isawhowhewaslookingat you." "he's straight." "models don't even eat enough calories to fuck." "trust me." "my last girlfriend was so anorexic, she couldn't even get wet." "you'rehot." "you're a baller." "get over there and make your move." "thisplaceis boringme." "wecouldgo somewheremore interesting." "*theyallwantapiece  * they all want a piece of me * ah, ah, ah, ah * they all want a piece * they all want a piece of me * no, no, no, no" "* how i'm gonna set * how i'm gonna set them up * yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah * well, i'm gonna eat * i'm gonna eat them up * yeah, feel me" "* they dig me * do you know me?" "* if they make you feel, you better start to peel your skin * * you got to make them squeal before you give them an in * whoa!" "aah!" "i'm okay." "*ifyoulet themswim  they'll be grabbing at your shorts * * oh * you better start them out, yeah * * you better start them out so you win * * and if you don't watch out" "* you might be hanging out with a has-been * * oh, no * yes, that ain't good for the neighborhood that you're in *" "yes!" "ahh!" "*ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah * ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, yeah" "* no, no, no, no, no, no, no" "*theyallwantapiece  * they all want a piece of me * no, no, no, no * they all want a piece * they all want a piece of me * no, no, no, no" "* but i'm gonna tell * well, i'm gonna... doyouhaveany specialsnot on the menu?" "*well,i'mgonnaeat them up * no!" "wrongone!" "*i 'mgonnaeatthemup iguess,unlessheactually meant to." "maybe." "every man's guilty of accidental anal at least once." "ew,youthinkso?" "please." "half of them don't know the difference." "that's why i prefer women." "ithinkthatthing'sdone , don't you?" "it'sdonewhenisayit's done." "les,i loveyou,but you  really need to get out of this apartment more." "knittingisasoothing activity that helps to ease otherwise nagging human desires." "haveyougonechristianon us?" "shit!" "i 'mgonnabe late." "wait.whereareyou going?" "toseeafriend." "oh,yes,the"friend."" "so,what'sourcountnow?" "eight." "soon to be nine." "i hope you have an outfit that's court-appropriate." "oh,herewe go ." "what's your art stance?" "ooh,that'sgood." "i do the arms behind the back with the mouth open." "that'sprettygood." "what do you think?" "um... ilikeit ." "it reminds me of my childhood for some reason." "really?" "idon'tknow." "remindsmeof milk." "so it's a cow. all right." "haveyoubeenherebefore?" "notinareallylong time  because i'm not a... i'm not very good at this." "atwhat?" "thewholeartthing." "it's a little too abstract for me." "i'm good at other things." "likecupcakes." "exactly." "ihaveto go to worksoon." "ona weekend?" "takeyourshoesoff here." "really?" "yeah." "doyouownthisplace?" "well,i leasethespace." "soyouteach?" "yep." "didyouusedtobe a... stripper?" "no.i usedto be adancer." "ah." "ballet." "canyoushowmesomething?" "seriously?" "yeah." "no,i don'tteachmen ." "i teach women." "youcanmakeanexception." "please." "okay." "yes!" "which pole?" "butit'snotall aboutthe pole -- there's a lot of floor work involved." "that'sfine.showme." "oh, my god." "but your butt is touching, right?" "guys can't do stuff like this." "it's kind of unfair." "likewhat?" "wedon'tsitaroundwith  other guys and talk about how fantastic it is to be a man." "youknow,or remarkabouthow sexy our bodies are with each other." "like, "hey, gene, way to work that pole, gene." "look at -- look at that -- look at gene's ass." "way to go, man." "you're wonderful."" "igetit.yeah." "yeah." "you women don't realize how good you have it." "yeah,i guessit is alittle unfair." "but it does sort of make up for like 5,000 years of patriarchy." "yeah,maybealittle." "let's do this again." "what?" "hangout." "first,youusefor my cupcakes, and now you're gonna use me for my poles, aren't you?" "areyougonnause mefor mine?" "abrams,silver,good." "come on in. sit down." "i never tire of that laughing panda." "listen." "i want you two leading the fierce campaign pitch next week." "wegotit ?" "no.notyet." "but it's down to groundhouse and us." "they're gonna hear us both on monday." "wait.monday?" "jesus." "that's... iknow.iknow.iknow." "but, you know, we got in late, and it's gonna be fine." "we're gonna get this." "abrams, i want you to do that voodoo magic thing that you do, all right?" "and, silver, i want you to, you know, turn on the charm and... we're gonna get this, right?" "yeah." "you'remyteam." "get the hell out of here." "thankyou,sir." "oh, my god!" "nice work, silver. yeah." "yeah,youtoo." "now we just have to get this presentation together." "yeah,i will-- i'llcall art, have them post some graphics, and we'll get started on this thing this afternoon." "great." "so,um... yeah." "yeah." "wait,seth." "i really like you." "ireallylikeyou ,too ." "can'twejust... take things slow?" "maybei 'mconfused." "ican'thavesex withyou." "okay,i - -i wasn'tasking you to." "no,i - - i mean, um... hannah and i have this stupid bet, and i just can't have sex for like six weeks, so... abet?" "yeah,it's-- there'sthis stupid ticket and so it's -- so it's just... isee." "you -- you can't have sex, so you're just biding your time with me?" "no." "yeah,thismakesall the  sense in the world now." "no,no." "it's not like that, seth." "isee." "youneedsomeinspiration?" "you'restillhere." "i thought everybody left." "everybodybutme ." "you're gonna burn yourself out in here." "well,it'smy first presentation on monday." "i just want to be prepared." "yougotplentyoftime ." "got the whole weekend to work on it." "doyoueverdoactualwork?" "yes,i do." "mm." "areyouready?" "this is actual work. okay." "uh, i'm gonna pass on this one." "hey, you're gonna kill, you know?" "weshouldn't-- we shouldn't do this." "iknow." "you're home." "whereelsewouldibe ,  fucking a hot guy?" "oroutwithyourfriend." "right,my"friend."" "willthingseverbenormal again?" "when these torturous six weeks are up?" "look,maybewe shouldjust stop." "this is silly." "hannah,i haven'thadsex in over a month because of you." "if you think i'm stopping now, you're crazy." "ithink... i like someone." "who?" "it'sbad." "the guy from work." "him?" "are you out of your fucking mind?" "quitepossibly." "hannah,useyourbrain." "stop getting attached." "i'mnotgonnaget attached." "i fucked nine guys without getting attached." "yes,youfuckedeightnice , boring dumbasses, and you're still a complete sucker for the assholes." "ican'tbelieveyou ." "ican'tbelieveyou ." "you're gonna lose this bet over some stupid jerk?" "get your shit together." "not that i give a shit." "hey,mark." "what are you doing sunday?" "hey." "hey." "so,wheredo youwanttogo  tonight?" "upstairs." "hey,leslie,it 'sme ." "i just -- wow." "i feel like a total jerk leaving this in a message." "um, i just can't keep hanging out like this." "it's pretty clear that you don't like me the way i like you, so... hello?" "voicemail,hannah,seriously?" "this is really important." "um... my whole studio is trashed, and i'm here by myself, waiting for the cops to show up." "can you please come here?" "or call me?" "i really need you right now." "hey." "let me drive." "hello?" "oh,yeah." "hello?" "oh,hannah." "don'tfuckthisup." "oh,god." "hold me." "shit." "hey." "hi." "you're late." "yeah,i know.ijust-- youhadawildnight." "ijust--  it's- -don't." "it's -- we don't have time for that." "so, here's, uh, here's this." "you can take that." "look at it." "i would say to edit it, but we really don't have time for you to do that considering the fact that you're like two hours late." "yeah,listen,i'm... look." "the slide designs need final approval." "can you take care of that?" "i have to go do damage control on another account, and our presentation's in 30 minutes." "can you do that for me?" "yes." "yes." "okay." ""we are here today to present you with our latest client, a revolutionary new liquor product specially for women." "fierce is the woman's ticket to sexual freedom, something my colleague, hannah... knows a lot about."" "what the fuck?" ""if you have any questions about sex or if you just feel like having some, please contact her."" "what the fuck is this?" "what the fuck is this?" "youdidn'tlikethat?" "i thought it was pretty good." "iknewyouwereajerk, but this is beyond." "yeah,well,iguessnowwe're  even." "whatareyou,12?" "all this because i didn't answer a text message last night?" "uh,he'sreadyfor you ." "igotto go ." "readyforthebig  presentation?" "all right, i'll let you prep by yourself." "youdon'tremembercallingme last night, do you?" "what?" "thatguythatyou fucked,he cums like a girl, by the way." "okay,team,we ready?" "yep." "anythinginmy teeth?" "no." "okay,good." "ah, mr. fierce." "howareya ?" "this is the bodyguard." "herecomesmy "a "team." "this is... howareya ?" "...donnyabrams." "mr.fierce." "donny." "andthisis hannahsilver." "this is fred fierce and the bodyguard." "sup?" "sup?" "and, so, look, we're not gonna waste any of your time 'cause you look like a busy man, so we're gonna jump right in." "so, take it away." "fiercevodka-- apremium liquor product." "you want it. it wants you back." "it's like the perfect date." "over the course of our research, we discovered what an incredible opportunity we have to brand this product." "now, our branding strategy is to target women and make this label a go-to for sophisticated female drinkers." "ittrulyis an untapped market." "as women are rarely targeted by liquor campaigns, they've developed a very little loyalty... yeah." "...toliquorbrands." "um, by selecting images that are -- contain an element of sensuality, we'll communicate a style that is sleek and feminine in its appeal, and down the line, we'll introduce a variety of flavors." "yeah,' causewhocanhave just one, right?" "donny,lastnighthad nothing to do with us." "hey,youknowwhat?" "don't even worry about it, hannah." "it's okay. it's cool." "i was stupid." "i thought that you were different." "but you're not." "you're just another slutty career girl that wanted to fulfill some fucking office fantasy." "look,i can'tbelieveyou , the man whore to top all man whores, is judging me." "you can fuck whoever you want to, but i can't without being a slut, right?" "ami justsupposedtobeokay with you going and fucking some other guy?" "whatkindof nameis bootlicker?" "whatdoyoucare?" "you're the guy who fucks everybody!" "whatareyoutalkingabout?" "who am i fucking right now?" "everybodyintheoffice, apparently!" "thathappened,okay?" "i did do that!" "that was before you!" "you can't even wait 48 hours before going to jump in bed with some other guy?" "!" "was the sex with me just not good enough for you, or do you have some kind of fucking problem?" "no." "my only problem was thinking for a second that maybe you weren't one of those assholes." "hi." "getmymessagelastnight?" "imean,ihaven'tlistenedto it yet." "right." "why would you?" "i had the worst night of my life last night." "and you have no fucking clue about it." "my studio was destroyed." "my equipment broken." "the mirrors spray-painted." "they wrote "slut" and "whore."" "i had to wait by myself for hours for the cops to get there and take a report." "and do you know what happened when they did?" "they laughed at me." ""poor, silly stripper."" "mygod,leslie,i'm sosorry." "andwherewereyou ?" "getting laid and ignoring my calls." "no.i - - yousentme to voicemail, hannah." "i don't really want to talk to you right now." "i needed you, and you weren't there." "there's nothing else to say, really." "i need some space." "[hyperstorm's "a happening"" "plays]" "*maybetheway thattoday looks the same * * happy and gray wantsomehotcocoa?" "*i cantasteyesterday no,ifyoudon 'thavetea,  then forget it." "thank you." "*andgoeswhereitgoes * waiting around * got my fear out of sight * what piece of mind in this bittersweet fight can be known?" "* * what can be known?" "* but something is happening * can't say that i'm knowing * but something is happening here * hannahbanana." "hi." "hey." "cani haveaseat?" "a little chat. come here." "yeah. he's a bad man, huh?" "yeah." "butwearegonnagetyou fixed up with a different one and hopping around in that sack in no time, right?" "actually,i wasthinkingi should probably take a little break from men." "aha.yes." "maybe." "you know, the art of dã©coupage is a wonderful way to pass the time." "hey." "so, uh, that's what i'd recommend." "oh, bob wanted to see you when you came in." "he's grumpy today." "idon'tknowwhathappened." "i think he forgot to take his pills or something." "oh,yeah." "ithinkwe allknowwhywe're  here." "sir,i am--  saveit." "you guys... nailed it." "i don't know what went on in that conference room, but it was like magic." "fierce loved that whole -- that whole women-angle thing, silver." "incredible." "and you -- you've never been better." "wait." "are you saying that we got it?" "yes,wegotit!" "we got it!" "you two -- i mean, yes." "and now look at -- you two have a campaign to build togeth-- i want to keep this awesome team energy like... antony and cleopatra, cagney and lacey." "keep you two together, and you're gonna -- you're gonna work -- i want you side by side all the time." "silver and abrams." "this is gonna be great." "congratulations." "silver, nice work." "abrams." "let's watch the laughing panda." "whati loveaboutthisone- - it attaches to any surface you like." "that'sfantastic." "so,ifyoufeellike just  sticking it on your bathtub side giving that a ride." "oh, that rhymed." "shelley,youareapoet ." "hmm,let'sseehow itworks." "oh," walkinthecatwalk."" "areyouserious?" "do you guys have any real eggs?" "wedon'teatanimalproducts here." "ican'teatthis." "sogohome." "are you really not gonna speak to hannah again?" "iknow." "have you tried talking to her?" "no." "areyoutryingtoseewhocan keep their mouths shut the longest?" "i know it wasn't your fault, but you hurt her regardless." "sometimes you got to kill your pride and be the first to talk." "iwouldn'tevenknowwhat to say." "howabout"i 'msorry"?" "ialreadysaidi'm sorry." "howabout"i 'mreallysorry"?" "thatjustseemssoclichã©and meaningless." "youknow,benmentioned they're gonna start cleaning up the studio this afternoon." "they have enough photos of the damages." "insurance company finally came." "it'sbeen48 hours,and i don't even think she's noticed." "shit'shardto getoff ." "i'mjustgonnagogetussome coffees -- the usu-- skim latte." "whatareyoudoinghere ?" "icameto help." "allofasuddenyoucare?" "icaredbefore,too ." "i just -- youjustsentmetovoicemail and didn't even listen to my message?" "yes,okay,iadmitidid  that." "but i just thought you were trying to sabotage the bet for me." "givea shitaboutthe stupid bet." "ididbefore." "yeah,beforeithoughtabout what really mattered." "i'mreallysorryiwasn 't there." "itwaskindoflike that time  that missy peterson wrote "nasty slut" on my locker... except that then you were there to tell me that she only did it 'cause she was ugly." "well,shewas." "butthistimeyou weren't there." "i was all by myself." "i'msorry." "[yesterday's revenge's" ""lovetune" plays] *warmwheni'm sitting next to you * * i'd like to lie under the sun and play for you my tunes * * if you choose to sit with me awhile *" "* i can turn your world around and leave you with a smile * * oh, you don't see things the same as i do * so,whathappenedtoyour  friend?" "likeanyotherguy --assoon as he found out he wasn't getting laid, he split." "i'msorry." "can you stop saying that?" "doesthatmeanyou forgive me?" "yes." "you fucked 10 guys." "i'm proud of you." "yeah,i fucked10 guys,and  one of them got mad and yelled at me." "oh?" "he must really like you." "you only fight with the people you care about." "unlike my friend, who bailed." "well,whatdidyou say to him?" "howareyougettingthepaint  off so well?" "wow.thatbad?" "itoldhimicouldn'tfuck him, okay?" "i told him about the bet." "youknow,noteveryoneis equipped to stand up to you." "you're a very intimidating person." "do you really think this guy spent five weeks hanging out with you 'cause all he cares about is sex?" "no." "hello?" "hey.it'sme ." "whatdoyouwant?" "totalkto you." "can you please open the door?" "idon'twantto." "why?" "i really want to apologize." "youdon'towemeanything, leslie." "you don't like me the way i like you." "it's fine." "i don't need you to come over here and give me a pity party." "no,but--  i do, seth." "if you could just let me explain." "whatdo-- whatdoyoumean you do?" "imeanilikeyou." "i really... really do." "youlike-likeme ?" "yes." "hi." "whatareyoudoinghere ?" "weneedto talk." "okay." "doyouhateme?" "no." "i don't hate you." "areyousure?" "because you said some pretty awful shit the other day." "yeah,well,iheardyou fucking another guy over the phone." "so that's some pretty awful shit." "iknow." "i know." "it really sucks." "what sucks even more is that i only did it to convince myself that the sex between us was meaningless." "i'm sorry." "wasit?" "what?" "wasthesexbetweenus meaningless?" "whataboutthebet ?" "fuckthebet." "comeonin ." "imean,thatyou sleptwith  every other girl at comack, i thought it's your pattern." "i'vedonesomeshitthat i'm not proud of, okay?" "well, that makes two of us then." "doyouthinkicantalkto those girls like i talk to you?" "do you think that i think about those girls the way that i think about you?" "i think about you... all the time." "ididn'tknowthat." "i know i fucked it up." "can you at least forgive me so we can move past this as professionals?" "ican't." "okay." "idon'tjustwanttobe  co-workers with you." "i'mreallysorry." "*do-do-do * do-do-do, do, do, do, do-do * do, do, do-do, do-do * do-do-do * do, do-do, do butthebetwas she had to sleep with 10 guys before then," "and she did." "no,no,no ,no ." "the bet was leslie could hold out as long as it took hannah to do that, and she did." "istillthinkiwon." "istillthinkyou lost." "fine.webothwon ." "fine." "so, who's buying lunch?" "you'rebuyinglunch." "idon'tthinkso." "oh,yes,youare ." "no." "hi." "i got to go." "what?" "wedon'thaveanywheretobe  till... 11:00." "mm." "something i said i'd do." "youwereabletopryyourself out of his arms?" "whoareyou?" "noteveryonehastosleep with every guy they go out with." "fine. it was fucking awesome." "let's go." "*yourolledmeover  * come and walk in to the corner of your past * * but you told me you could turn me on * * speed it up * i gotta go, go, go * ohhhhhh, oooooooh" "*i knowyourfriend's the one in the middle * * if i can't find him, then it's on to the next one * * i know * it sounds cold * oh, well * i know your friend's" "the one in the middle * * if i can't find him, then it's on to the next one * * i know * it sounds cold * oh, well * it's just not enough *itneverwas" "*showme howyou love" "*i neededsomething * when i caught you looking from the corner of my eye * * tomorrow i got no plans * it's just a one-night stand * so let's go, go, go * ohhhhhh, oooooh" "* oooooh, ooooh-ooh *i knowyourfriend's the one in the middle * * if i can't find him, then it's on to the next one * * i know * it sounds cold * oh, well" "* i know your friend's the one in the middle * * if i can't find him, then it's on to the next one * * i know * it sounds cold * oh, well * it's just not enough" "*itneverwas" "*showme howyou love" "* it's just not enough *itneverwas" "*showme howyou love" "*justcomeonover  and talk to me * * this fish don't bite unless you want some teeth * * don't want no money * don't want no lovin' * i just want your... * 'cause the boys want to hold" "you and the guys want to fuck you and the man want to take you and motherfucking own you * * but this chick ain't having that *" "* say goodbye * i'd rather be a whore than a motherfucking bore * * you best believe it * i hate semen *i 'vebeenlookingfor  a date like you * *sobig,sohard ,sostrong," "so long * *andyoucan 'twaittosee what i've been through * *fromhisback,from his side, on top, to the side * * what's up?" "*i 'vebeenlookingfor  a date like you * *meon top,you ontop * let's go *andyoucan 'twaittosee what i can do to you, to you *" "*one,two,three,four  * i'll show you yours if you show me mine * * but i don't cuddle * i don't spoon * and i sure as hell don't cry * if you don't know the meaning" "of one and done * * then you must not fuck enough * *i 'vebeenlookingfor  a date like you * *sobig,sohard ,sostrong, so long * *andyoucan 'twaittosee" "what i've been through * *fromhisback,from his side, on top, to the side * * what's up?" "*i 'vebeenlookingfor  a date like you * *meon top,you ontop * let's go *andyoucan 'twaittosee what i can do to you, to you *" "*one,two,three,four  *i 'vebeenlookingfor  a date like you * *sobig,sohard ,sostrong, so long * *andyoucan 'twaittosee what i've been through *"