"CHILD'S VOICE:" "Papa dead." "NARRATOR:" "Previously on Psychoville." "And that's the end of silly old Mummy." "I don't know how you lived with her for so long, George." "This little bastard can go to the wheelie bin." " Who are you?" " I'm your boyfriend." " How long?" " Two years." "Really?" "I'm gonna be the only man in the world with a complete collection of first generation Beanie toys." "LOMAX I'll tell you something about those two bitches." "They're not to be trusted." "Yeah." "Can I speak to the owner of Snappy the Crocodile, please?" "MAN: (IN DISTORTED VOICE) Speaking." "My life could be in danger now 'cause someone thinks I'm you." "Look." "Eh, just think." "David and Maureen Sowerbutts, mother and son serial killers." "Yeah." "MAN:" "Come on, Kerry." "We finish in a few weeks, then we'll all be on the dole till next Christmas." "Maybe we could, you know, have a bit of fun." " I'm meeting Robert, actually." " Mmm." " Have you lost your virginity?" " None of your business." "If you have, can I play with the box it came in?" "(ALL CHEERING)" "Hi." "Smiley, Sneezy, Sniffly." "Oh, it's all coming back to me now." "We heard that the bump on your head had affected your memory." "Well, it's funny 'cause I remember all my lines and my phone numbers and stuff." "I just can't remember being engaged to Robert." " Engaged?" " Yes, engaged." "We were going to keep it private, but, well, nothing to be ashamed of, is it?" "No." "We're just like a regular couple." "(GIGGLES)" " Congratulations." " Thanks." "Come on, let's get you a drink." "(CRYING) Help!" "Please!" "Somebody help me!" "It's my baby, he's been in an accident." "I think his head's come off!" "We need 20 milligrams of epinephrine." "He may have gone into anaphylactic shock." "Can you put the baby down, please." "We must take a look." "(JOY SOBBING)" "What can we do, Doctor?" "Doctor?" "I'll get you a needle and thread." "(SNORING)" "What you think you're doing?" "(GASPING)" " What you do that for?" " Sorry." "I couldn't help it." "I've been wanting to do that ever since I set eyes on you." "(GIGGLING)" "What you talking about?" "Forget it, I know you'd never be interested in anything." "I didn't say that, it's just that... it's... it's complicated." "I could never leave her, you know." "She'd be lost if we just went off together." "You're obviously very close." "But there are ways round that." " Ways round what?" " Nothing." "CHELSEA:" "What you talking about?" "(GASPS)" " Why am I blushing?" " Everything's cool, everything's cool." "I was just saying, um... (CLEARS THROAT) You wouldn't mind, would you, if me and Michael went on a date?" "(LAUGHING) Don't be ridiculous." "He wouldn't be interested in you." " Well, he is." "Ain't you, Michael?" " Yeah, could be." "He's just interested in what's between your legs, Kelly-Su." " I'm not!" " Yes, you are." "All that filthy green stuff?" "You are talking about the money, ain't you?" "Look, if you think it's all about the money and I'm lying..." " Give me the money, Kelly-Su." " Don't be stupid." "Don't be stupid." "Give me that." " CHELSEA:" "Give me that money!" " Thank you." "There." "It's not about the money, it's about me and Kelly-Su." "(STARTING CAR)" "All right!" "I believe you!" "Stop the car!" "(SIGHS) We need that money." "If I get it, you promise to give me and Kelly-Su a chance?" "(SIGHS) Yes." "And you won't come between us?" "Do me best." "All right, then." "I won't be a minute." "(HICCUPS) Wait, wait." "Wait a second." "I get it." "We wouldn't want lover-boy here to do anything stupid now, would we?" "You two wait here." "I'll come with you, if you like." "(SIGHS)" "Yeah, all right." " No!" " No!" "(CHUCKLES)" "George, what do you mean, you can't find her?" "You can't miss her, she weighs 50 stone." "Oh, for God's sake, George, just find her and call me back." "(GASPING)" "If they won't save Freddy, we will." "And if we sprinkle on some magic dust, we reach inside and say our magic word..." " You all remember the magic word?" " Wipe my bum?" "No, not wipe my bum." "Iggy, biggy, smelly belly, do some magic for MrJelly." "Whoa!" "Look at those beautiful flowers." "Right, then." "Let's put them down there." "Now, then." "I'm going to do some escapology for you now." " Do you know what that means?" " Wipe my bum." "Will someone wipe his bum, please, if you're not too busy talking." " Wipe my bum." " I'll wipe you with this in a minute." "Fucking 50 quid, is it worth it?" "Hey, what you doing?" "Don't eat them, I need them." "Nurse, can you stop him?" "It's your own stupid fault." "We don't put nothing near Mr Clark." "He eats everything, he's like a goat." "Yeah, right." "I need a volunteer." "Not someone on a drip, I don't want to get all tangled up." " Come on, love, you'll do." " Oh, all right." "But you'll have to have me back here by next Thursday." "My daughter's coming from Sydney." "Don't you worry about that." "Right." "Have a look at these." "Hello, hello, hello." "One pair of ordinary handcuffs." "Right." "I want you to click the first one on my left arm there." "Go on, click it on." "That's it." "(PHONE RINGING)" "Ooh, better get that." "Might be CBeebies." " Hello?" " MR JOLLY:" "Sean, it's me." " Mr Tumble?" " No, Mr Jolly." "What do you want?" "I thought I told you to stay away from me." "Listen, this is very important." "I've been looking through my patient records from Ravenhill, and I think I've worked out who the blackmailer is." "I don't care." "It's got nothing to do with me, remember." "Oh, I'm afraid it has." "If I'm right, we're all in grave danger." "This person is deeply disturbed, bordering on psychotic." "I'll be at your house in 20 minutes." " I'll explain everything when I arrive." " I'm not at..." "Right." "I'm sorry, everyone." "MrJelly's got to go now." "What have you done that for?" "I've got a copper one of these." "They help your bones." "The key was on here." "Who's got the key?" "(SWALLOWS)" "You'll have to wait for him to go to the toilet now." "Wipe my bum." "(LOW GROWL)" "(BUZZER RINGING)" "KENCHINGTON:" "I'm waiting." "I'm waiting, David." "You know the rules." "No personal items allowed." "It's my father." ""Was" your father." "He's dead, remember?" "You killed him." "ROBERT:" "David, what have you done?" "She's dead." "MAUREEN:" "David, David." "Come on, get your coat on." "We're gonna go and buy" " one of those indoor barbecues." " What for?" "Well, it's our last one today, ain't it?" "I thought we could do something special and eat her." "What do you think?" "I've bought some red onions." " Mum, that's disgusting." " Why?" "Don't like red onions." "Well, you can have yours with that Scooby-Doo pasta that you like." "I don't want to do any more killing." " It's wrong." " Oh, don't be so maudlin." "There's only gonna be a little nibble." "It's hardlyJeffrey Dahmer, is it?" "The past must remain in the past." "Oh, there's only one left and then we're stopping anyway." "I'm only doing this for you, David." "No, you're not." " You like doing it." " Yeah, well, what would you rather?" "Have me sat in all day playing on me Bontempi?" "This has given me a lift." "It's got to stop!" ""I shan't quit ripping till I do get buckled."" "You know who said that?" "Exactly." "And they never caught him, did they?" "I'll go to the police." "You wouldn't dare." " You couldn't, anyway." " Yes, I could." "999, Letsby Avenue." "That's where they live." "Yeah, all right then, David, you go and tell them." "See you later." " Don't kill another lady, Mum!" " Last one, I promise." "(URINATING)" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Enter." "Ooh." "(CHUCKLES) Don't look so shocked, Kerry." "We artistes have no secrets from each other." "I've seen Dora Bryan defecate into a hatbox, and her Dandini was without equal." "Please." "So, have you finally come for those makeup tips?" "There's more to Sniffly than a bright red nose, you know." "No, it's about Robert." "I assume you've heard about him and Debbie." "Yes, it seems he's turned that knock on the head to his advantage." " When's the big day?" " You've got to stop it, Brian." "Robert's not well, he doesn't know what he's doing." "How so?" "He's had problems in the past with delusional behaviour." "He thinks he's got special powers." "Like Beechams?" "No, powers." "He was even sectioned a few years ago." "I promised him then that I would always look after him." "So you just want to live happily ever after with Robert all to yourself, is that it?" "I just want to protect him." "I see." "Whatever it takes?" "Whatever it takes." "(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)" "Perfect." "Excuse me, love." "Do you know if these little indoor ones get hot enough to cook a whole leg?" "Well, it depends what of." "What you thinking of cooking?" "MAUREEN:" "Did anyone else see you do that murder?" "DAVID:" "Him, him and her." "Hello?" "What you thinking of cooking?" "Um..." "Bit of leg, leg of... pork." "That should be fine." "They get really hot." " You're David's mum, aren't you?" " Yeah." " And you are?" " Lorraine, happy to help." "Quiche Lorraine." " Sorry?" " Nothing." "How do you know David?" " I used to do the murders with him." " Murders?" "Yeah, the mystery evenings." "I played Miss Tipsy, the cook." "How's that for typecasting?" "I was David's first victim." "But you're supposed to be the last victim." "Yeah, I'd still love to be doing them." "But we had to stop after Graham died." "And then poor Cheryl and Martin." "Oh." "Robin's in charge now, we're waiting to see what he wants to do." "You'll have a long wait." "So these... murders," " they were just like playacting." " Well, yeah." "People guessed who did it and won a little prize." "David was very keen." "Perhaps a little bit too keen." "Had me trussed up like a chicken, big sausage dangling in me face." "Typecasting again." "He went a bit too far, Graham had to let him go." "But I suppose you know all that." "Sorry, Mum." "I did a bad murder." "How is David, by the way, keeping you busy?" "He has been, yeah." "Well, you remember me to him now, won't you?" "I will." "I'll go do that right now." "Are you still wanting the barbecue?" "Um, no." "Not any more." "Change of plan." "(SIREN WAILING)" "We're nearly there now, Freddy." "Hold on." "I'm taking you home." "(SOFTLY) Hello." "That's weird." "I'm sure I locked this door before I came out." "Is this still a part of the trick?" "There is no trick, this is real." " Your door could do with a paint." " Shh!" "Come on." "Jolly, I'm here." "What were you gonna tell me?" "Is that him?" "MRJELLY:" "Oh, Jesus!" "Well, they tell you not to play with plastic bags." "Well, he's not done it to himself, has he?" "Well, who's done it, then?" "(MOTOR BUZZING)" "Quick, get behind there." " Is this still part of the trick?" " Just shift yourself." "(OLD LADY CHUCKLING)" " Are we playing sardines?" " Shh!" "Oh, so that's where it was." " What?" " Extension lead." "Been looking for that." "(MOTOR BUZZING)" "What's he got?" "Is it a vibrator?" "What do you know about vibrators?" "Mrs Price has got one buzzing away every night." "Her daughter brings her the batteries." "Double A's, bag after bag." "(BUZZING CONTINUES)" "Oh!" "Hi, darling." "I'm just trying to get my bearings, trying to remember the blocking." "I think I've got most of it down." "Has Robert been filling you in?" "No, he wants to, but the doctor said I should rest for a few days." "Debbie, do you love Robert?" "Of course." "He's... adorable." "But you've only known him for six weeks." "No, we've been going out for two years." "We've been on holiday together, look." "But these have been sellotaped together." "I know, we had a row and I tore it up apparently." "But half of it's sand and half of it's snow." "I think that's was the row was about." "Debbie, I have to tell you." "You and Robert, you're not..." "Not what?" "Get away, Kerry." "I think you've done enough damage for one day." "Robert, I was telling Debbie..." "What were you telling her?" "That I'm mad?" "That I killed a woman?" "That I have special powers?" "No, we were just talking about the snow beach." "Oh." "Well, did she tell you why Brian got me sacked today?" "No." "I can't believe you've done this to me, Kerry." "I've come in and there's a P45 in my pigeonhole." "It's your own fault, Robert." "You're lying to Debbie and you're lying to yourself." "You just can't stand the fact that I've ended up with a taller person, can you, Kerry?" "It's got nothing to do with that." "Do you think I'd ever be interested in you?" "Look at Debbie." "She's beautiful, she's tall, she's going places." "I have got a doctor's appointment at four o'clock." "And other places." "You're just a pantomime dwarf and you always will be." "Come on, Debbie, we're leaving." "You can't just leave, Robert." " You need me." " Get out of my way." "Don't make me angry, Kerry." "You know what I'm capable of." "Kerry?" "It was never you, Robert." "(ECHOING) It's always been me." "Stop it!" "(CRIES OUT)" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "I just wanted to protect you, that's all." "They were always so mean to you." " All this time you let me believe..." " It was for the best, Robert." "We're meant to be together." "We just need to get away from here and work it all out." "I'm not going anywhere with you." "Freak!" "I think I better go and look over my lines." "Debbie." "You're going nowhere." "(MOTOR BUZZING)" "Oh, he's cut his bloody head off." " I will need a toilet trip in a minute." " Shh." "MRJELLY:" "Using my phone now." "MRJELLY:" "I'm paying for that." "MAN:" "Hello, police." "There's been a murder at 21 Woodbridge Road." "I saw two clowns fighting." "One of them had a knife." "Come quickly." "(DOOR SLAMS)" "Bastard!" " Oh, I don't believe this." " I know." "You'll never get blood off a cream carpet." "He set me up, they're gonna think I killed him." " Killed who?" " Mr Jolly." " I thought you were Mr Jolly." " No, I'm Mr Jelly." "It's very simple." "Look, you're gonna have to tell the police everything you've just seen." "All right." " Without giving the trick away?" " Oh, there is no trick!" "(SIREN WAILING)" "What are we gonna do?" "Think!" "Oh!" "This might be useful." "What is it?" "I got something stuck between my teeth." "This could get it out." ""Ravenhill Hospital." This is what he was talking about." "Come on, we're going." " Do you not want to take that vibrator?" " Leave it!" "Right, let's park you here." "And I'll get scrubbed up." "Tell Debbie the truth, Robert." "Tell her you were never engaged." " We are engaged." " Tell her you made it all up." "No." "(EXCLAIMS) Wardrobe are not gonna be happy about this, Kerry." "Let her go, it's got nothing to do with her." "You were just using her to make me jealous." " No, I wasn't." " You love me, Robert." " Tell me you love me." " Never." "Tell me you love me!" "This is actually quite frightening now." "All right, I love you." "Now let her go." "You don't mean it." "Say it like you mean it or this next one goes through her heart." "I don't think he's that good an actor, to be honest, Kerry." "Kerry, I do love you." "But I love Debbie more." "(THUDDING)" " God, what's going on?" " It's Robert, he's gone mad!" "Debbie's called off the wedding and he's threatening to kill her." "I can't get up!" "We'll have to go around." "Quick, back out." "Quick." "Don't worry, Debbie, I'll be back." "Oh, no, you won't." "Right, then." "We're all set." "So, here we go." " What's going on?" " Blood transfusion, Nicola." "You should know that, you are a nurse." "(CLICKING TONGUE) Poor Freddy needs all the blood he can get." "And you're gonna give it to him." "Every last drop." "(WHIMPERING) Joy, please." "You're killing me." "Don't." "Don't do this." "Don't think of it as killing you." "Think of it as saving Freddy." "Oh, look." "He's already got the colour coming back into his cheeks." "Aw!" "David." "I spoke to Lorraine." "She told me about the murder, David." "About what really happened." "What have we been doing?" "Four people are dead because of us." "They'll catch us soon enough, they always do, and then what?" "Be prison or loony bin again." "Can't have that, can we?" "I've taken some pills, David." "I thought we could go and see your dad." "It'll be all right." "He'll be waiting for us at the gates." "And he'll be smiling." "Won't be long now." "(SNAPPING)" "Oh, fucking hell." "(GAGGING)" " So, you're gonna be all right?" " I'll be fine, thanks, Brian." "No, don't thank me." "Three years of fight training at Webber Douglas finally pays off." " Where are you taking him?" " Somewhere quiet, with no people around." " Wolverhampton Hippodrome." " Take care, Brian." "Please, God!" "Stop." "I beg you." "Not long now, Nicola, and that will be that." "Oh, seems funny being back here." "The doctor sent me here when we lost Paul." "He was our first little boy." "I was heartbroken." "I suppose I had a sort of breakdown, really." "Anyway, they gave me Freddy as part of my therapy." "I didn't take to him at first." "Still, over time I could see that he needed me." "And I needed him." "And that's why I can't lose him, Nicola." "Still, I can't expect you to understand that." "'Cause you're not a mum." "(DOOR SLAMMING)" "I've been looking for you." "Hey, what're you doing?" "Let me out, I've got the money!" "(GRUNTING)" "JENNIFER:" "You've got a lot of post, Mr Lomax." "You want me to read it to you?" " Is there anything from NASA?" " Uh, no." "Lots of letter with funny looking writing, though." "Bin 'em." "It's all over now." " Do you like Tony Hancock, Jennifer?" " Oh, yeah, he's my favourite." "I think BloodDonoris so funny." ""A pint?" "That's almost armful!"" "Yeah." "You can go now." "It must be late." "(PHONE RINGING)" "Hello?" "Hello." "Hello, Mr Lomax house." "Uh, yeah, one moment, please." "Can I ask who's calling?" "Uh, it's for you, someone called Treeleaf." "What do you want?" "Mr Lomax, I've got Snappy and I've got the Crabtrees' money, but I've been locked in and I can't get out." "So..." "Where are you?" "(WOMAN SCREAMING IN THE DISTANCE)"