"Since breaking up with the perfect guy,i've discovered plentyof imperfect ones." "I definitely don't fall for every guy i meet," " but when idofall..." " Honestly,it's really nothing." "Okay." "I'm mike." " Samantha." " I fall fast." "And i always land hard." "Oh,it hurts!" "I just want it to stop!" "Oh,trust me,you're not the only one." "It's okay,sweetie." "We're gonna get through this like we always do." "I think she might kill herself." "I'm not gonna kill m elf,okay?" "I know you won't!" "You are strong!" "I'm gonna need belts,shoelaces and-- and any of your ties." "I have one tie." "You can't have it." "But what if she,you know..." "You know?" "Then i'll need it for the funeral." "What is wrong with me?" "It's like i have absolutely no learning curve,you know?" "I,like,i meet a guy,i - i puteverythithat i have into that relationship for three weeks," "And then i just end up in a ball on the floor." "Too bad they didn't know you when you gavenothing to a relationship." "They might've stuck around for four years." "That's it." "You know what?" "No more men." "Good." "Take a break." "Maybe that's it." "I just need to..." "I just need to be single for a while." "You know,just stand on my own." "But not on a ledge,right?" "You know what?" "Just saying that..." "I feel better." "Oh,it hurts!" "Make it stop!" "Honey,i think you need to eat food." "Oh,god." "Mike and i used to eat food." "What happened?" "She was feeling great." "I have no idea." "I just asked her if there might be something she was doing to keep driving all these men away," "And then i guess she thought of something really sad." "You know,i forgot." "How pairs of underwear do i pack for a week?" " Nine." " Are you sure?" "Last time,i packed 9,and it was not enough." "Then pack 12." "Nah,it's too much." "I was thinking more like 10 or 11." "Sam,any thoughts on this?" "W- wait a minute-- a sec." "Y- you guys are going away?" "When were you gonna tell me this?" "What-- what,when i started tolove youtoo much?" "I ammakingyour father take a vacation." "His doctor said his blood pressure is sky-high." "I don't want him keeling over." "A vacation-- that's what i need." "I need to go away.I need to go away with my family, just get away from anything that reminds me of mike." "Well,come on along." "We were just gonna ******" " yeah." " Stop." "Well,that's a good idea." "We'll make it a family vacation." "Well,i'm game." "We're going up to that resort on lake wapahowi that we used to go to every year." "You loved that place." "Uh-huh,the lake resort!" "Yeah,that's..." "That was fun!" "Really?" "You remember the lake resort?" "No." "No,but sometimes that just works." "Really?" "Your mom wantsmeto come?" "Yeah." "Well,i mean,she said i could bring one friend-- just not andrea,so..." "Yeah." "I always wanted to go with you as a kid..." "But my mom was always sick." "But now she's dead!" " That didn't come out right." " No." "No." "But listen." "Please,please,please don't say anything to andrea,okay?" "I - i need to handle this very delicately,so..." "Bzzt!" "I love these giant mugs." "They make my hands look extra teeny." " Sam and i are going away!" " Dena!" "What is she talking about?" "Where are you going with her and not me?" "Nowhere that you would want to go." "How do you know that?" "On vacation with my parents." "See?" "Well,it doesn't mean i wouldn't have liked to have been asked." "I know." "I'm sorry." "Andrea,would you malintkeha who to come on vacation with me and my family, even though it is 200 miles in a car with my dad singing "rhinestone cowboy"?" "Thank you." "Yes,i'd love to go." "N-- what?" "No fair!" "Okay,shh." "Listen,my mom said i can only bring one person,and i already asked dena." "And her mom's finally dead." " Lucky." " Yeah." "Dad,thanks so much for stopping,but you know what?" "I don't think i can go here,so i'll just hold it." "Well,this is where we're staying." "So i'll be holding it for a week." "They sure fixed up the place." "Um,i know i'm a guest and i shouldn't be nitpicky,but,um..." "We're going to be murdered here." "All right,girls,no complaing." "That man's life depends on this vacation," "And we're all gonna enjoy ourselves no matter how much drinking i have to do." "Oh,here,i-i don't care what it looks like or smells like." "I'm out of the city,away from men and heartbreak..." " And i like it." " Sam?" "Oh,no." "I can'tbelieveyou came back." " Oh,no." "He sounds cute." " Yes." "*******" "Samantha Who?" "Season02 Episode09" "So,brad,you running the place now?" "Yeah,since my dad died." "Oh,i'm so sorry to hear that." "He was such a nice man." "Did they ever catch his kill?" "I know." "Wow,look at you,sam." "And you..." "Friendly innkeeper." "Samantha,it's brad..." "Little brad." "Oh,good lord." "He was your first love." "Of course he was." "What do you mean "first love"?" "Howard,that last summer,she showed up late for every meal with leaves in her hair." "What did you think she was doing?" "Bird-watching." "She said she was bird-watching,and that's what she was doing." "I'm gonna go unpack the car." "No hea lifting!" "I swear,you die up here,i'll bury you right where you drop!" "Well,there aren't a lot of birds here in the winter," "But there's a family of badgers we can watch." "Look,i,um,i'm sorry." "I'm s-sure all that bird stuff was a lot of fun and everything,but..." "I have amnesia." "I have the bubonic plague." "No!" "I don't." "No." "This is-- we-- we..." "Rember that game we used to play where you would say something that started with an "a,"" "And i would name one that started with a "b"?" "No." "Amnesia?" "Oh,i'm sorry." "Oh,no,no,no." "It's okay." "It's sort of like ho ?" "Having a surprise party every single day." "Like finding out about us." "Surprise!" "Okay,um,here are your room keys." "Uh,just settle in." "And if you need anything,don't be afraid to ask." "Well,then how about a dirty martini,three olives?" "How's that for getting settled in?" "Yes,we no longer serve alcohol." "Uh,the liquor license got too expensive." "Surprise!" "So he was my first kiss,huh?" "Yeah,you'd come back from your week and tell me all about it." "And i remember every ng detail because i used to write about it in my diary," "Except i used my name inead of yours." "Well,why didn't you warn me about that?" "I didn't think he'd still be here." "I mean,what grown adult lives in the same house they grew up in and never leaves?" "You." "Oh,that's true." "Andrea?" "Oh,my god!" "You guys come here,too?" "How crazy is that?" "Well,"crazy" is one way to put it." "No,i come here all the time." "I love it." "It has such..." "Mice." "Hey,did you see the guy who runs this place?" "You know,normally,i do not go for hill people,but he was hot." "That's brad." "He and sam used to hook up." "Long ago when we were kids,and just with this part." "Well,time to use the other part." "No,it is time to do nothing with nobody," "And he is exactly the nobody i'm going to do nothing with,because he is cute," "And we have a history,and i am a sucker for that." "So keep him away from me,or else he'll rip my heart out if not him,somee will." "I put your father down for a nap." "Can i..." "Andrea,what the hell are you doing here?" "I can be here." "It's a free country." "You can't just invite yours-- oh,wait,you brought alcohol." " You always have alcohol." " Do i?" "Oh,it's-- it's hard to say." "Come on,andrea,have a-- an-drea,have a heart." "My husband's dying!" "Where'd you find this?" "Oh,i was poking around,looking for a secret soundproof basement with a drain in the floor," " and i und fun games." " Cool." "Except we only have..." "Two e's,an "a" and a curiously strong breath mint with a "z" on it." "I don't wanna touch that." "Mind if i join you?" "No." "You can." "Great." "Would you like a mint?" "Hey,sam." "Oh,hey,dude." "What's up?" "What's going on?" "I,uh,sort of get the feeling you're avoiding me." "Avoiding you?" "No!" "Oh,actually,no,i was looking for you." "Um,i was." "That's why i - i ran out here." "Um,you work here." "So what would you recommend?" "'Cause i'm,like." "Starving." "I've been wanting to show you something." "You know what?" "There's only one bag of those chips,and i'm going to..." "Stay here just to make sure that no one else gets it." "Come on." "It'll take two seconds." "Come on." " Okay." " It's right-- come on,it's right here." " Come on,come on." " You want me to see a tetherball?" "What?" "Look." "Oh,my god!" "Look at that!" "My hand was so small." "We did it so they would always be one handprint together." "Look." "We made a heart." "Yeah." "I know why this place is falling apart." "Because the help's spending so much time hitting on the guests,you know?" "That's what this-- yeah,maybe just a few more fresh towels," " A little less fresh behavior,you know?" " What?" "Yeah,you heard me." " 58,59,60,6-- - hi,sweetie." "Hey,where have you been?" "And how come you didn't ask me to go on your walk?" "'Cause you're supposed to well,i hate relaxing." "And i can't rock anymore." "I've already rocked 4,208 times,and thers 61 trees in that direction." "Always have to be busy." "Always have to have a hobby." "Remember when i got you that wine-making kit?" "Yeah,i wasn't very good at that." "Yes,you were." "It had a nice,oaky finish." "Well,i don't know how." "I made it in a plastic garbage can." "Well,the point is,what can you tell me about fermenting these berries?" "Well,one-- they would probably poison you,and two,it would take three months." "Shoot." "About what the donner party ate all winter." "No one ever asks what they drank." "I don't know how you resisted brad with the handprints and the moonlight and the look in his eye which could be love or could be crazy,but either way,it's attention." "Oh,i know." "I felt bad about being harsh,but i had to act fast,you know?" "I felt like a trapped wolf who had to chew off my leg before i kissed him." "And who wants to kiss a girl with a wolf leg in her mouth." "Well..." " Oh,my god." " Oh,my god." "Looks like you chewed off the wrong girl's leg." "She is supposed to be my friend." "I mean,how could she do this?" "You did say you didn't want brad." "No,i said i didn't wantto want him." "That doesn't mean that idon't want him,which i don't." "Well,i can't believe she got confused." "Oh,i'm not saying i should be mad about it." "I'm just saying,like,okay,it's like if My favorite food is shrimp, so a waiter brings me shrimp,but i can't eat shrimp" "Because it makes my tongue swell up,so i don't eat the shrimp," "But that doesn't mean that i want andrea grabbing shrimp off my plate and giving it a massage." "Well,on the bright side,you-- you don't have to keep pushing brad away now." "You think?" "Yeah." "I mean,in a way,she was kind of protecting you by being a slimy tramp." "You know,you're right." "You're right." "She's actually doing me a favor by being a slimy tramp." "Yeah?" "And if i didn't have a boyfriend back home,i'd hit that w shoo?" "Fast for you." " Thank you." " Sure." "Amateur." "See,this is exactly what i wanted-- just sitting by the fire,together." "Not being murdered." "Can't get any better than that." "Hey,guys." "What's going on?" "Oh,nothin'." "What's goingn with you?" "I just talk a walk in the woods." "Oh,the air out here-- i really think it makes me prettier." "Wow,you've got a lot of leaves in your hair." "Oh,i was chasing this raccoon,and he went through the branches and then i" "Oh,sorry." "Just was." "Hey,look,everybody's here." "Yeah,looky,looky." "Yeah,just a bunch of friends hanging out together,sitting by the fire." "So..." "Who wants to play charades?" "Oh,howard,you are not playing charades." "All that jumping around-- no,it'll be like playing russian roulette." "We'll play that game where you get to guess what people are" "Guess what you're thinking without saying any words." "You mean charades?" "I said no words." "Are you drunk?" " Areyou?" " Yes." "Okay,dena,why don't you start us off?" "Oh,okay!" "Here we go!" "All right." "Ice crea maker!" "It's a movie,regina." "Three words." "Ice cream maker-- three words." "Do not take me on." "Did you steal my booze?" "Oh,come on." "No one's stealing anything..." " Except maybe boyfriends,huh?" " What?" "Guys,i'm doing "the breakfast club" here." "You talked." "You talked." "Come on." "My turn." "You play advanced rules." "Okay,i'm gonna make this one easy." "Oh,easy!" "Easy!" "I got it!" "Andrea!" "Hello?" "It's a movie." "Four words." "Ooh,first word..." " Worm!" " Slimy." "Lawyer." "Jerk." "Backstabber." "Forest tramp." "Gump!" "Gump! "forrest gump."" "Ay,what is your problem?" "You know what my problem is?" "Is that i saw you in the woods with brad,and don't say that you weren't there" "Because dena saw it,too,and she was pissed." ""caddyshack"?" ""ghostbusters"!" "You said you didn't even want him." "But that doesn't mean that i wantedyouto have him." "Well,then you're in luck,because i didn't do anything with him." " He likes you." " Really?" "Okay,nemovie." "First word is "the."" "All the leaves in your hair." "I told you,i was chasing mr." "Raccoon." "He had the perfect fur for the trim on my vest." ""french connection."" "No,the-- "the sting."" "Look,i don't want him." "I'm not with him." "You take him." "Go get him." "I don't care." "Yeah,but that's the thing." "I can't go for it,because idocare." "That's my problem." "I'm not like you,you know?" "I can't just throw myself in and-- and have fun and get leaves all in my hair and just walk away." "It's not fair!" "I wanna be like you." "I wanna be dead inside!" "I just wanna be dead!" ""the dead zone"!" "Sam,don't do it!" "You have so much to live for." " "fisher king"!" " Yes." "Just,can you please, just give me back my shoelaces?" "Not until i know how you're feeling." "Okay,that's the problem, right?" "I'm feeling." "I am feeling constantly." "I'm like a robot who's been which is totally stupid," "Because if you're gonna take the time to make a robot, it should at least,like," "Be able to walk around the room and pick up stuff." "Please stop saying that you're a robot." "Hey,dena,uh, can i talk to sam?" "Okay, but don't listen to her." " She has tricks to make you crazy." " Okay." " Oh,can i sit?" " Yeah." "Are you gonna use that as some sort of teaching tool?" "'Cause,see, inside are the seeds of something new, and then they're protected by this big..." "Nah,i just picked it up outside." " It's pretty though,huh?" " Yeah." "Thanks,daddy." "I was just rembering all the summer that we came up here," "And every year you'd get in a big fight with whatever girlfriend you brought along," "Usually over some boy, and then at the end of the week," "You'd get in a fight with him and end up dunking him in the lake or beaning him with one of those." "And then you'd cry all t home in the car." "I loved it." "That sounds awesome." "Well,because two hours after you got home, you'd be fine and on to the next thing." "You know,just-- just living your life,you know?" "Going for it." "Yeah,and i've-- i've seen some of that come back since the accident." "Really?" " You gotta live, right?" " Yeah." "I mean,it's like me." "If i listen to your mother and sat around, afraid that my heart was going to explode," "I wouldn't enjoy a thing." "Thanks,daddy." "Sam?" "Andrea,i am so sorry i was so mean." "It's all good." "Good,because i'm gonna go and apologize to that there brad." "And who knows?" "Maybe i'll just go for it." "Bird-watching." "She's just going bird-watching." "Yeah." "Don't ring my bell." "It don't ring it." "Are you still mad about last night when i was acting all silly?" "Last night-- was that the night you called me the help?" "Oh,come on." "That old joke?" "Look..." "I'm really sorry." "Okay?" "I-i was just coming off a really bad breakup which was coming off of a really bad breakup, and i just..." "Didn't want my heart to explode." "I never planned on exploding your heart,samantha." "For the last 20 years." "Well,i've been thinking about you,too..." "Prably." "I really don't know." "Maybe." "So what do you wanna do?" "Well,maybe you could show me those badgers." "They're so cute." "You don't wanna get too close,though." "They're really mean." "Oh,you're really talking about badgers." "Oh,okay,well,that..." "That could be fun,too." "It hurts!" "Oh,god!" "It hurts so bad!" "***********" "********" "******** I don't want her throwing herself out on the road." "Okay,everybody." "no matter how hard i keep landing," "I guess i owe it to myself to fall, because the heart wants what the heart wants." "And apparently, mine wants a nasty bruise." "* Like a rhinestone cowboy *"