"Ah!" "I can't." "Go on." "Drop it!" "What if someone gets wet?" "That's the point." "It might be dangerous to drop water from this high." "Maya, they drop rain from even higher." "Oh." "I don't care if some stupid Blush quiz says I'm not adventurous." "Maya, look at your score." "You're two points away from "sleepy librarian."" "At least I told the truth on my quiz." "What's that supposed to mean?" "It means when did you ever spend the night in jail?" "When I was 19." "Me and my friend were in this bar, right?" "And he dared me to swipe an exit sign." "Well, before I knew it, some bouncer is punching me in the head, and I'm being carted downtown." "Five hours later," "I'm performing "Send in the Clowns"" "for the right to give my breakfast to some guy named Lewdell, who, incidentally, never said thank you." "Not in words." "My point is, is that I stole it for the adventure, something apparently you know nothing about." "Oh, yeah?" "Uh-huh." "Watch this." "Woo-hoo-hoo." "Uh-huh." "Oh, no!" "I'm sorry, sir!" "No!" "No!" "Don't look up!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Direct hit." "Congratulations, Maya." "I think I'm gonna throw up." "Hey, stick your head out the window." "Here comes a tour bus." "I don't know what to say, but I'm thrilled." "Yes." "Yes?" "Yes." "Oh, God, yes!" "See, she gets to have phone sex at work." "I get caught once, they take away my headset." "Okay, I'll see you then." "Oh!" "I just got the greatest news." "The Model Cafe wants to enshrine my leopard skin bikini." "Well, that's great, but don't more people have access to it now?" "What bikini?" "The one from Sports Illustrated." "Ooh, when was that?" "Well, let's see." "Coolidge was in the White House, so... 1978." "They turned it into a poster." "You know, she's coming out of the surf, water dripping all over her body." "Man, that was one really sexy shot." "That was you?" "I remember that." "They had a billboard of it next to the Holland Tunnel." "Forty major accidents in the first month alone." "You can't imagine how validating that is." "Man, I got here just in time." "It's pouring out." "Hi, Jack." "You wanted to see me?" "Please." "Have a seat." "I have a little favor to ask." "Allie and I have an anniversary coming up, and, uh, she heard about these, uh... what do you call 'em, uh... boudoir photos." "She thinks it might be romantic" "Jack, Jack, say no more." "I'd be glad to take pictures of your wife, and if she feels shy or embarrassed in any way, tell her- the pictures are of me." "What's that?" "The pictures are of me." "Once again, if I can recommend a photographer, please don't hesitate to ask." "Elliott... this is hard enough." "Where'd Allie ever get a ridiculous idea like that?" "Last month's issue- "Message from the Publisher."" "I got to start reading those things." "I don't know, Jack." "I mean, I want to, but isn't there a policy against that, and if not, why not?" "Come on, Elliott..." "I'm putting myself on the line here." "I trust you." "You're a friend." "Okay." "Okay." "Just give me a couple of days to come up with a few ideas." "Actually, Allie already has a request." "She'd like to see me in... silky boxers." "What's that?" "Silky boxers." "Silky boxers." "She calls me her "silky kitten." You happy?" "No, not in the least." "Uh, she'd also like me to be, uh..." "Eating a peach." "A peach." "Don't make it sound perverted!" "She calls me her "little peach."" "I thought she called you her "silky kitten."" "What are you, the nickname police?" "Well, I'm a little booked this week, but I'll try to squeeze you in." "Thanks, pal." "Oh, and, uh- and one more thing." "Uh..." "I may or may not be lathered in..." "Mr. Bubble." "What's that?" "No, no, no, no." "I don't even want to know." "Now, the unveiling of my bikini will be Wednesday night at 8:00." "I want everyone to have a fabulous time, but let's not lose sight of the true meaning of the event, which is to celebrate me." "Nina, more faxes from fawning idiots." "Oh." "You know, it's times like these when you realize just how many people you've touched." "Yeah, Mardi Gras alone must have thrown you in the triple digits." "Oh, how sweet." "My friend Binnie sends her congrats." "She's in Switzerland getting her eyebrows relocated." "An arrest warrant from the Brazilian government." "Ha!" "Keep trying, amigos." "Huh... get this." "Some guy in Japan wants to buy my bikini." "In Japan?" "How did he find out?" "On the Model Cafe's website." "Listen to this" ""I consider that photograph to be one of the most defining images of the '70s."" "Ooh, take that, Farrah's nipples." ""I would be honored to add your swimsuit" ""to my personal collection of pop culture." "I offer you $10,000 for it."" "Wow." "Whoa!" ""Respectfully, Wataru Yamaguchi."" "Ten thousand dollars for an old bikini?" "Oh, well, it was a sweet offer anyway." "What are you doing?" "You better close this deal before the sake wears off." "This isn't about money." "It's about achieving immortality." "Fate has given me a rare opportunity." "Imagine, my bikini will hang in the Model Cafe for centuries to come." "Centuries?" "Six months, that place will be a Chuck E. Cheese." "Model Cafe." "Boy, the money this place must rake in." "You staple some underwear to the wall, and suddenly you can charge 20 bucks for some chicken fingers." "I mean, I can't believe anyone gets suckered in by this ridiculous theme." "Hoo-hoo!" "This place is happening!" "I bet we see some supermodels." "Hey, Finch..." "I am officially out of control." "See that drink?" "I didn't pay for it- just took it and ran." "Ooh, it's an open bar." "Oh." "Well, I suppose these postcards are complimentary, hm?" "Yes." "Well, guess who has a saltshaker down their pants?" "That's just a rumor." "It's all me, baby." "Hey, Elliott..." "You see that photo?" "I want you to make me look just like that." "Okay." "No, I'm serious, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes- hit the weight room, toss the old medicine ball, sit in a steam ba" "Hey, cheese sticks!" "Miss Van Horn!" "Leo Kelser, Model Cafe." "Tickled to meet you." "May I say you look gorgeous?" "Only if you say it loud." "Oh, gorgeous and witty." "You stay away from my mother, or she'll try to fix us up." "So, Nina, big crowd." "Oh, I know." "Isn't it exciting?" "Talk about placement." "You're sandwiched between Niki Taylor and Kathy Ireland." "Been there." "Ladies and gentlemen, we're thrilled to welcome the newest addition to the Model Cafe." "From a remarkable woman whose contribution to the modeling world is undeniable." "I'm starting to get embarrassed." "Without further ado, I give you..." "Claudia Schiffer's ski mitten!" "What?" "Don't worry." "I'm sure you're next." "Okay, everybody, that's it." "Kitchen's open." "I highly recommend the Cindy Crawfish and the Christy Turling-Ton o' turkey." "Wait." "What about my bikini?" "Ta-da!" "So, beautiful." "Well, got to run." "If I'm home late, my wife and kids worry." "Hold on a second!" "This is a horrible location." "I'm hanging over a dumpster!" "Well, I will not stand for this!" "I demand to know who owns this place." "Oh, come on." "You've seen the ads." "A bunch of supermodels." "Specifically?" "Two Israeli guys who scare me." "Well, you made a big mistake." "Yeah, it says on this plaque she died in 1986." "Oh, for God's sakes, that was for 12 minutes." "I'm obviously fine." "I will have that taken care of immediately." "Please, as my mea culpa," "I would like to give you this." "A coupon for a free order of buffalo wings?" "It's a $36 value." "You know... this placement's actually pretty good." "Yeah, you're right next to the emergency exit." "Yeah, I know whenever I go to a restaurant, the first thing I do is check the emergency exits." "Ooh, I bet you do, thrill monkey." "You're really not that far from the main room, Nina." "No." "Not at all." "You're practically adjacent." "Well, maybe it's not so bad." "What a long hallway." "We still in Manhattan?" "So, Elliott, I guess it's time to go out and get that sandwich." "Oh, yeah, right..." "the sandwich." "Dennis, if anyone calls," "I'm out getting a sandwich." "Okay." "Don't get any mustard on your peach." "Morning." "Nina." "I'm glad you came to work today." "Not that you had any reason not to." "It's just I'm glad to see you every day." "In fact" "Maya, I'm- I'm okay, really." "You sure?" "Well, I admit that I was a little disappointed, but my friend Binnie helped put things in perspective." "Apparently, they botched her eyebrow job." "The poor thing's stuck with this expression of looking interested 24 hours a day." "Really?" "You know, I was reading this article in Psychology Today about body language" "Maya, Binnie's the one who looks interested." "That's our Nina." "Well, I'm just gonna drop these off in Jack's office." "Hey, by the way, the Smithsonian called for one of your miniskirts." "They want to use it as a rotating towel rag for the restroom." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey, I got some good gossip." "You know how Baxter said he was in a low-budget art film?" "Turns out "Art" was his co-star." "Thanks, Finch, but I don't need your pity." "I'm not giving you pity." "I just feel sorry for you." "I'm fine." "So last night wasn't the big ego stroke you thought it would be- Big deal." "It's not about my ego." "It's..." "I gave my whole life to modeling." "And you made it big." "Yeah, and for what?" "I could never have a decent relationship because I was always traveling, and forget about having kids because I was afraid of ruining my figure." "I made sacrifice after sacrifice, and what did I get?" "I don't know- money, fame..." "Oh, please." "What I didn't put up my nose," "I invested in a peanut-powered lawnmower." "And as for fame, the year after I retired," "I couldn't even get arrested in this town." "Well, not literally." "Oh, I don't know." "I just" " I just wanted someone to say thank you, even if it was just a stupid, tacky theme restaurant." "There, there." "What are you doing?" "I don't know." "I'm not sure." "Hey, some Japanese guy was willing to pay top yen for your bikini." "That's got to say something." "Yeah." "It says that I was a fool for not giving it to someone who'd appreciate it." "Well, why don't you ask for it back?" "And go groveling to those idiots at the Model Cafe?" "Forget it." "They already laughed at me once." "When?" "When I suggested a side dish called Nina Van Horn on the Cob." "Hey, Maya..." "I think I have an idea how to get you more adventure points." "I told you yesterday I'm not taking a bath with you." "Okay, I got you." "Leave that one up in the air." "But here's my second idea- why don't we steal Nini's bikini?" "Are you crazy?" "That's theft and vandalism, and to go into a bar on a work night..." "Come on." "Wait a minute." "I know what this is." "You're doing something nice for Nina!" "No, I'm not." "Yes, you are!" "You're nice!" "Shut up." "Underneath all the snide little insults, you're just a sweet little puppy dog with a great, big heart." "Puppy needs a bath." "All right, start clicking." "Jack, that's not exactly the sexiest pose." "It's plenty sexy." "You just keep your eye in that lens, buddy." "Relax." "You're gonna be great." "Just lean back a little." "Now, scootch up to that armrest." "Come on, Jack." "What?" "I did!" "All right." "I'll do it myself." "I'm not a mannequin!" "Look, the sooner you cooperate, the sooner I can get into therapy and put this whole thing behind me." "Fine." "All right, now imagine..." "You're a panther on the prowl." "You're hungry." "The night is your hunting ground..." "The jungle, your mistress." "Let your sexuality flow." "How's this?" "It's good enough for me." "All right, just- just, uh, fix your collar a little bit on the left." "Come again?" "Your collar is a little bit crooked." "A little bit crooked." "I know a line when I hear one- Forget it." "I said no!" "Why are you being so weird?" "I was talking about a tenth of an inch here." "Sure, sure." "That's how it starts- an inch here and an inch there, and the next thing I know," "I'm sudsing up a Corvette in my birthday suit." "Where the hell have you been?" "You were supposed to meet me a half an hour ago." "I had to go home and get my wallet." "They carded me." "Now, I've recorded the movements of the entire kitchen staff, and according to my calculations, we've got to be in and out of here in under one hour and 10 minutes." "Damn it, red leader, that's not enough time." "We're gonna have to skip our nap and go right to the theft." "Do you think you're gonna be able to open that case?" "I think so." "What if the lock is too strong?" "What if the glass in unbreakable?" "Ah... be out of here in a jiffy." "Heh, heh." "One bikini comin' up." "This one's a little tricky." "Look, you've got to squeeze" "I know!" "I know what I'm doing." "I..." "Aha!" "Got it!" "No biggie." "As long as we're being daring," "I'm gonna get something for Elliott." "Maya..." "What are you doing?" "That's not the plan." "You're crazy." "Yes, I'm crazy- crazy like a fox!" "I'm not leaving until I get this sign!" "You know, we sell those in the gift shop." "I'll take one, please." "Hey, Jack, I got your sandwich developed." "Well, let's get this over with." "Oh, you are going to be pleasantly surprised." "What is this?" "What?" "You don't like it?" "Don't patronize me." "You put my head on somebody else's body." "Well" "I asked you for a picture of me, the real me!" "That means with this body." "I'm proud of it." "I worked hard on it, and my wife fell in love with it." "So if you don't mind," "I'll take the photo of Jack Gallo's head on the body that brung him." "Here." "Aha!" "Oh, too bad this one got ripped." "Hey, Nina, did you hear the news?" "What?" "Big robbery at the Model Cafe." "Someone broke in and stole their most prized possession." "Let me guess- that stinky mitten?" "No, this." "My bikini." "How did you get it?" "It wasn't easy." "You wouldn't believe the amount of security around that baby." "Really?" "God, I can't believe you did this for me." "Well, Maya needed some adventure points." "So where is she?" "Church." "Oh, this is really sweet of you." "You don't know what this means to me." "Now you can send it to that collector in Japan." "You know..." "I think I will." "Maybe I won't be honored by my adopted state of Manhattan... but my bikini will be in the hands of a true connoisseur, someone who will show it the respect and appreciation it so richly deserves." "* Life keeps bringing me Back to you *" "* Keeps me bringing me home *" "* It don't matter what I'm gonna do 'cause *" "* It's got a mind of its own *" "* Life keeps bringing me Back to you **"