"I can't believe you talked me into seeing a movie about cheerleaders." "Hey, look, did I complain last weekend when you made me go with you to see "Big Fat Greek Wedding"?" "You loved it!" "You kept saying it was adorable." "That was your word. "Adorable." "I think it's -- "" "Shh!" "I know, and I'm not proud of it." "And that's why I want to see this movie, okay?" "To get my manhood back." "Now, could you hold my place in line while I go pee-pee?" "I don't think there are any restrooms around here." "When you're a man, the world is your restroom." " Hey." " Hey." "Where's he going?" "Oh, he had to go "use" the alley across the street." "Ew!" "That's disgusting." "No, no, that's one of your nicer alleys." "There's a low wall, so while you're going you can look out over the Hudson and see Lady Liberty on the horizon." "God bless America." "Anyway, we gotta go." "Our movie's sold out." "Oh, guys, come see the movie with us." "It's an action movie about cheerleaders " ""Good Cheer 2:" "Extreme Routine."" "Nah, I think we're just gonna go eat." "Besides, I got enough cheerleading in high school to last me a lifetime." "Wait, wait, wait." "You were a cheerleader in high school?" "Why am I just learning about this?" "I didn't think it was any big deal." "Hi, I'm Jeff, your boyfriend." "I'm a guy." "See you later." "Have fun." "Bye, guys." "Are you coming?" "I will write you a check for $5,000 if you jump in the air and land in a scissors split." "96, 97, 98, 99, 100!" "Congratulations!" "Thank you." "On what?" "Best dressed?" "Um, no." "We are having a promotion tonight, and the 100th person in line wins a free iBop." "Oh, my God." "Are you serious?" "I won something?" "That's really cool." "I've never won anything before." "Wow, an iBop!" "What's an iBop?" "Great." "We've got your name and address." "Your iBop will be delivered first thing tomorrow morning." "Okay." "Well, great." "What's great?" "I won a free iBop for being the 100th person in line." "An iBop?" "Well, I was standing in front of you." "I was the 100th person in line." "No, you see, I was in the alley taking care of my business, and, you know," "I was taking a while because Lady Liberty was staring at me, and I got this shy bladder." "Congratulations." "Thank you." "I can't believe I finally won something." "I just wish it were more practical, like a robotic butler." "Holly, an iBop is a musical miracle." "It has a 5-gigabyte hard drive that can double as a firewire drive." "It holds files " "Oh, I am so hot right now." " Look, you like music, right?" " Well, of course." "Well, then this is like, um...this... you'd hate the iBop." "Yeah, it's really, really complicated and technical, and the only people who like iBops are computer geeks, outcasts, and plain old losers." "You should have it then." "It's gonna be delivered first thing tomorrow morning." "Well, if you insist." "Hey, you know, it also comes in 10- and 20-gigabyte models." "Back off, ladies!" "He's all mine!" "Un petite gant fraise, s'il vous plaît." "Merci." "Wow." "Ordering in French -- I'm impressed." "Uh, don't be." "I'm pretty sure" "I just ordered a small strawberry glove." "Still, I love the sound of that language." "It's so romantic." "Hey, can I ask you something?" "Mm-hmm." "When you guys were building that cheerleading pyramid, where were you exactly?" "Where I always am, sweetie -- on top." "Listen, what do you say we get that strawberry glove to go and top off the night at my place?" "Mmm, I say get the check." "I just have to stop by my apartment first." "Um, wait a sec." "You want to go by your place across town so we can stay the night at my place two blocks from here?" "Yeah." "I promise I'll be quick." "Do you mean reality quick or "I'm just gonna run into Bloomingdale's for a second" quick?" "How much longer are you gonna be?" "Yeah." "I just had to get the carrying case for my toothbrush." "I almost grabbed Holly's." "Whew!" "Dodged a bullet." "You know, I should have bought different colors, but they only had blue, so I put our initials on the bottom." "The "V.T." sort of looked like an "H.T."" "You know what I could do?" "I could wrap some colored tape around the bottom." "What are you doing?" "This is me with a long gray beard waiting for you to finish your toothbrush story." "Very funny." "Can we leave now?" "Yes." "Ready to go." "What?" "Sweetie, what is your, uh, toilet paper situation?" "I got stuff." "Jeff, we can't just shake it like you." "I'm just gonna go grab a roll -- and my blow dryer." "Oh, my God!" "Honey, I'm sorry, but if I don't take all of this stuff over with me now," "I'm just gonna have to get up early and leave your place, come back here and get ready, when I could spend the whole morning with you." "I'm just thinking ahead." "Of course you were." "You always plan ahead." "I just wish " "What?" "I just wish you were more spontaneous." "There, I said it." "It's out there." "What?" "I'm processing." "No!" "Stop processing." "Stop planning." "It's driving me crazy." "You know what your problem is?" "My problem?" "Well, no." "Why don't you tell me what my problem is?" "You can never just go with the flow." "Huh?" "Yeah, sometimes the flow is fun." "Okay." "Fine." "You want me to be more spontaneous?" "How's this?" "Good night." "Well, I won that one." "Hey." "What are you doing?" "I'm listening to my iBop." "Where did you get that?" "I won it last night in the movie line." "Guess it was my lucky night." "I had a horrible night." "Did you know this thing can hold up to 1,000 songs?" "Jeff and I got into a fight." "I just downloaded "Sk8er Boi" by Avril Lavigne," ""If I Ruled the World" by Nas " "Did you happen to get "I'm so insensitive," "I'm not listening to my sister" by Holly Tyler?" "Sorry." "Okay, so you and Jeff got into a fight?" "Mm-hmm." "What did you do?" "I didn't do anything!" "He says I'm not spontaneous." "Wow." "So, did you promptly make a list of all the ways that hurt your feelings?" "Hey, I am just as spontaneous as the next person." "No, you're not." "You are a scheduler and an organizer." "You plan ahead to set aside time to plan ahead." "Just look at the pantry." "You alphabetize soups." "Oh, and that's a bad thing?" "Last week, when you were craving Manhattan Clam Chowder, how fast did you find it?" "I'm not saying it's bad." "If the world didn't have people like you, then the fun people wouldn't know they were fun." "Hey!" "Look, I just think that sometimes you miss out on fun stuff because you're so busy planning." "And if your boyfriend wants you to be a little more spontaneous, try it." "What could it hurt?" "You're right." "You're right." "You're right." "I'm gonna go sit down and come up with a really good spontaneous plan." "I'm gonna need graph paper." "Oh." "Yeah, one sec." "Damn!" "Um, one sec, Gary." "I'm coming." "Hey, Gary." "Hey, did it get here yet?" "No, no." "I was hoping you were the guy." "Well, that's weird." "They said first thing in the morning, right?" "Yeah." "You know, I'm starting to think it may have been one of those elaborate scams." " What do you mean?" " Well, I've been reading about it on the Internet." "Apparently... uh, the Quakers are behind it." "They, uh, offer you a free iBop, and then it steals your soul." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, yeah, I think I ate something weird last night." "Listen, the second it gets here, could you call me at work?" " Oh, yeah, absolutely." " All right, thanks." "Bye." "Bye-bye now." "Ha ha." "I'm kidding." "Wait, from 1:00 to 1:45, I'm " "What did you eat?" "Uh, I think it must have been the soup." "Was it cream of iBop?" "All right, yes, it came." "I love it, and it's mine." "You said I could have it." "That was before I fell in love with it." "And I love it, Gary." "I love it like a little tiny child." "I can't believe you." "I thought you were my friend." "My friend wouldn't try to steal this from me." "Don't worry, baby." "The bad man is gone." "Jamie, has Jeff left the restaurant yet?" "No, no, I'm at his place." "Oh, never mind." "He just came in." "Hey." "Hey." "What " "Just thought I'd stop by on my way to the big game." "What are you doing?" "Ready?" "Okay." "Jeff, my love, I've got something to share!" "Hey, hey, beneath this skirt" "I've got no under " "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Who's this?" "Uh, Val, this is Linda -- my mom." "Oh, my." "Hey, it could have been worse." "Really?" "How?" "I don't know." "You could have been naked under the skirt." "No!" "I am such a ho!" "Jeff, your mom hates me." "No, she doesn't." "Stop worrying." "No, you don't understand." "That was her first impression of me." "I mean, I can be smart and charming and funny, but she will never forget the sight of me like that." "It does stay with you." "Why is your mom even here?" "This is what she does." "She gets in a fight with my dad and she comes to the city to spend a bunch of his money, and then she goes home and everything's fine." "I should have never listened to you guys." "I should have just stuck to my schedule and dusted my plants." "Do you do that without any underwear?" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, listen, sweetie," "I'm sorry that you got embarrassed, but I got to tell you, I love that you did something surprising and impulsive." "And, you know, my mom's leaving on Saturday." "Huh?" "Would that cheerleader like to meet a shirtless fireman?" "Mwah." "Look at that." "See how happy you made him?" "Was it really that hard to be spontaneous?" " Can I tell you a secret?" " Mm-hmm." "It almost killed me!" "Hey, Gary." "Here's your sandwich, buddy." "Oh." "So when I called and ordered this chicken parmesan sandwich, and you said I could have it, you meant what you said?" "What?" "Oh, I mean you didn't fall in love with the sandwich and hide it down your pants." "No, I like the sandwich, but only as a friend." "You are a man of honor." "Jeff, how much do I owe you?" "Gary, do we really have to play this game?" "Thank you." "Oh, dear God!" "Hey, Mom." "Hi, honey." "Mwah!" "Whoa." "Tiffany's." "Dad must have really screwed up big this time." "Darling, you know I don't like to air our dirty laundry in public." "But I do like to give away watches." "Any one of you strangers here want a Rolex?" "Here, let me take these bags." "I'm gonna go throw them in the office." "Okay." "Val!" "Hey, Linda!" "Hey!" "Wow, you " "Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened earlier." "I was mortified." "Oh, no." "Oh, don't be sorry." "No, that was the cutest thing I've ever seen." "Oh." "No, I'm just so happy that Jeff is finally dating someone who's fun." "You know, a little wild." "Little wild?" "You should see what this girl will do on camera for beads." "Holly " "Oh, no, I love it." "And who are you?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "This is my sister Holly." "Uh-oh." "Uh-oh." "Two of you?" "Ooh, I bet you guys know how to get into trouble." "Oh...yeah." "The stories we could tell." "Wait, you're not a cop, are you?" "And I bet you're on your way to do something insane tonight." "Well, who do you think you're talking to?" "Can I come?" "A-are you kidding?" "Okay." "Yeah, we would love to have you come with us to that -- that..." "Help." "Well, you have been talking about the dancing Greek." "Gorgeous waiters, smashing plates, dancing." "What do you say we go get our asses thrown out of there, huh?" "Hey!" "Ho!" "Ho!" "Hey!" "Ho!" "Hey!" "Hey!" ":" "Opah!" "This is so much fun!" "My cheese." "Aah!" "My baby!" "You weren't even wearing your helmet!" "He's fine." "Look, I need help." "Here she comes." "Oh... you know..." "I have been coming to New York for years, and I have never enjoyed myself like this." "This is actually pretty tame for Val, but after Labor Day it's hard to find a good cockfight, so..." "Linda, here's my philosophy." "I'm all about the "carpe diem."" "You know, seize the day, the, uh, live in the moment." "We've only got one shot, baby." "This is it, so keep on truckin'." "That is a precious gift." "Thank you." "You know, would you like one thousand dollars?" "Hey, guys." "How are my three favorite ladies doing?" " :" "Hey." " Hi." "How's it going?" "Well, I think your mom's having a good time." "And we're up a grand." "Darling, I just can't " "I cannot tell you how much fun I'm having." "Well, good, Mom." "I'm glad." "And, as a matter of fact, your girlfriend has given me the -- ahem -- the courage to do something that I have been wanting to do for a very long time." "Well, that's great." "What?" "I'm not going back to your father." "Opah!" "Opah?" "Never should have taken you to that Greek restaurant." "It was too dangerous for you." "But you're broken now, so you're nothing more to me than a worthless piece of plastic, and I hate you!" "Hey, Gary." "Hello, Holly." "I received your message and I'm here, just as I said I'd be, because, Holly, when I promise you something " "Cut it out." "Come on in." "What do you want?" "Well, I've been thinking about it, and I've come to the conclusion that our friendship means more to me than some iBop." "And so?" "Here." "You're giving it to me?" "I searched my soul, and it's the decent, moral thing to do." "Thank you." "I knew, given time, you'd come around." "Gary got an iBop." "All right." "Hmm." "What?" "Well, it's not working." "What?" "!" "It was just working a minute ago!" "Well, I am going to write a strongly worded letter to the home office!" "Oh, the hold button was flipped." "It works." "What?" "Yeah." "Right here on the side, see?" "I can see how you'd miss it." "I guess so." "It's so frickin' tiny!" "Ha ha!" "Whoo!" "Gary?" "Gary!" "Hmm?" "Look, I just want to say I'm sorry about how this all happened." "I was pretty selfish, and we shouldn't fight over some stupid modern musical marvel." "Ha ha." "I'm glad you have it now." "You know, I don't really feel right about it either." "I mean, I kind of misled you about how cool it is, and you were the 100th person in line." "Yeah, baby." "Hand it over!" "Ha ha ha ha!" "Yeah, see?" "Now that's good." "I miss the whole kidding around thing." "Ha ha!" "Hey, how about this?" "We can share it." "You know?" "We can trade off weeks." "It'll be like a joint custody thing." "I just want what's best for iBop." "Right." "And I think the iBop needs a strong male role model." "See you in a week." "Okay." "Be safe now." "It's so quiet now." "Hey, you're finally up." "You were great last night." "You were fun, spontaneous." "How's this for spontaneous?" "When I got home, I didn't plan on throwing up, but then all of a sudden, bam, I did." "Hey, guys." "Hey, listen, I'm really sorry about what happened with your parents." "I know what you're going through." "I, too, have recently suffered a loss." "Hi." "Get your mom off to the airport okay?" "Yeah." "Is she all right?" "Oh, she's fine." "I'm the one who's a little confused." "I mean, my parents have been married for 30 years." "Then she goes out with you, and suddenly no more mommy and daddy." "Jeff, I'm so sorry about what happened, but you can't honestly think that last night had anything to do with your parents breaking up." "Oh, no, I know, I know." "She explained to me on the way to the airport what's been going on with her and my dad." "She said that because of him, she hasn't been able to be herself in over 20 years." "I mean, why would she do that?" "Well, maybe -- maybe she did it for him." "Maybe she thought making your dad happy was more important than making herself happy." "That happens in couples sometimes when one person tries to change the other person." "We're going to have a relationship talk, aren't we?" "No." "You're going through enough right now." "The last thing you need to hear from me is what I believe is a huge problem in our relationship." "Okay, go." "I know you want me to be a more spontaneous person, but that is not who I am." "I like planning." "Planning is fun." "It's just not me, and I want you to be happy, but I can't change who I am for you." "I'm really sorry about your mom and dad." "Yeah." "I think I know a way I can make you feel better." "How?" "You ever fool around with a hung-over cheerleader?" "Yeah." "Melinda Hage." "Mm." "Uh, but she didn't want to cuddle afterwards, so obviously I found the whole thing sickening." "Ha ha." "Let's go."