"I returned to Brideshead in the spring of 1924." "The Easter party was a bitter time culminating in a small but unforgetable painful incident." "Hadn't you better go up and change?" "Five more minutes Charles." "Look." "That's a chow." "Sebastian had been drinking very hard for a week." "Only I knew how hard." "And drinking in a nervous way, quite unlike his old habit." "Most of the guests knew him too slightly to notice the change in him." "While his own family were occupied in for their particular friends." "So it was not until the evening of the day, when the main party had left that he had to face his family." "Haven't they brought the cocktails yet?" "Where have you been?" "Up with Nanny." "I don't believe it." "You've been drinking." "I've been reading in my room." "My cold's much worse today." "Just a minute." "Sebastian!" "Sebastian." "Let me in!" "What's the matter?" "Sebastian's drunk." "He can't be." "He's been drinking in his room all afternoon." "How very peculiar." "What a bore he is!" "Will he be alright for dinner?" "No." "Well you'll have to deal with it." "It's no business of mine." "Does he do this often?" "He has lately, yes." "I suppose it must be something chemical in him." "How very boring." "Hello." "Are you feeling any better?" "Charles" "What you said was quite true." "Not with Nanny." "Been drinking whisky up here." "Feeling rather drunk." "Go to bed." "I'll say your cold's worse." "Yes." "Much worse." "I should get into bed." "No." "In a minute." "You put that down!" "Don't be an ass, Sebastian." "You've had quite enough." "What the devil's it got to do with you?" "You're only a guest here." "My guest!" "I shall drink what I want to in my own house." "All right." "Only for God's sake, keep it out of sight." "Why don't you mind your own business?" "You came here as my friend!" "Now you're spying on me for my mother, I know." "Well, you can get out of here and you can tell her from me that I'll choose my friends and she her spies in future." "Mr Ryder?" "No, thank you." "What's become of Sebastian?" "He's gone to bed." "His cold's rather worse." "Oh dear." "I hope he isn't getting 'flu." "I thought he looked a little feverish lately." "Is there anything he wants?" "No, he particularly asked not to be disturbed." "I think he needs a glass of hot whisky." "I'll go and have a look at him." "No don't, Mummy." "I'll go." "May I go?" "Please Mummy, if he's not well." "I've only just been in to him." "His cold really has come on rather badly." "He says there's nothing that he wants." "I think he just needs to get some sleep." "Well, I'll just have a look at him." "He's probably feeling awful." "Cordelia!" "I promise I won't disturb him if he's sleeping." "No, he doesn't want anything." "How was he?" "I don't know, but I think he's very drunk." "Cordelia!" "Marquis' son unused to wine." "Model student's career at stake." "Cordelia!" "Charles, is this true?" "Yes." "Dinner is served, my Lady." "Thank you, Wilcox." "I don't think Sebastian's been very well for some time." "I first noticed it when we came home from the retreat." "He seemed very depressed, quite the reverse effect from what one would have expected." "Benedictus Benedicata Per Jerum Christum Domimum Nostrum." "Amen." "As we sat down to dinner that night the subject was not mentioned." "I had no stomach for the food and silently mourned my friend upstairs." "When Brideshead and I were left alone over the port he brought up the subject again." "Did you say Sebastian was drunk?" "Yes." "Extraordinary time to choose." "Couldn't you stop him?" "No." "No." "I don't suppose you could." "I once saw my father drunk, in this room." "I can't have been more than ten at the time." "You can't stop people if they want to get drunk." "My mother couldn't stop my father, you know." "I shall ask my mother to read to us tonight." ""Father Brown got to his feet, putting his hands behind him." "Odd, isn't it?" "He said, that thief and a vagabond should repent when so many who are rich and secure remain hard and frivolous and without fruit for God or man?" "There, if you excuse me, you trespass a little upon my province." "If you doubt the penitence as a practical fact there are your knives and forks." "You are the Twelve True Fishers and there are all your silver fish." "But He has made me a fisher of men." "Did you catch this man?" "Asked the colonel, frowning." "Father Brown looked him full in his frowning face." "Yes, he said, I caught him, with an unseen hook, and an invisible line which is long enough to let him wander to the ends of the world and still to bring him back with a twitch upon the thread." "There was a long silence." "All the other men present drifted" "All the other men present drifted away to carry the recovered silver to their comrades, or to consult the proprietor about the queer condition of affairs." "But the grim-faced colonel still sat sideways on the counter swinging his long lank legs and biting his dark moustache." "At last, he said quietly to the priest, He must have been a clever fellow but I think I know a cleverer." "He was a clever fellow, answered the other, but I am not quite sure "" "Come to I've come to apologize." "Sebastian, dear, go back to bed." "We can talk about this in the morning." "Not to you." "Come to apologize to Charles." "I was bloody to him and he's my guest." "He's my guest he's my only friend and I was bloody to him." "Go back to bed, Sebastian." "It's alright, Bridey." "Come on." ""I mean you, said the Colonel, with a short laugh." "I don't want to get the fellowjailed." "Make yourself easy about that." "But I'd give a good many silver forks to know exactly how you fell into this affair and how you got the stuff out of him." "I reckon you are the most up-to-date devil of the present company." "Father Brown seemed to like the saturnine candour of the soldier." "Well, he said, smiling, I must not tell you anything of the man's identity or of his story, of course, but there is no particular reason why I shouldn't tell you of the more outside facts" "which I found out for myself. "" "It's time you were in bed." "Why do you spy on me?" "Why do you take their side against me?" "I knew it would happen if I let you meet them." "Sebastian." "Sebastian." "You'll be better when No." "I think I'd like to go to chapel now" "Bridey." "Cordelia Will you come with me?" "Yes, of course, Mama." "What's the time?" "Seven." "Well?" "How do you feel?" "Rather odd." "I think perhaps I'm still a little drunk." "I've been down the stables seeing if we can get a car but everything is locked." "We're off." "Where?" "Oh, I don't know." "London I suppose." "Can I come and stay with you?" "Of course." "Well come on then, get dressed and we can get them to send our luggage on by train." "We can't just go like that." "We can't stay." "There's some smoke coming from some of the chimneys." "The stables must be open by now." "Come on." "I can't go." "I must say goodbye to your mother." "Sweet Bulldog." "I don't happen to like running away." "And I couldn't care less." "And I'm going to go on running as far and as fast as I can." "You can hatch out any plot you like with my mother." "I shan't come back." "That's how you were talking last night." "I know Charles, I'm sorry." "I told you I was still drunk." "If it's any comfort to you, I absolutely detest myself." "It's no comfort at all." "It should be a little." "I should have thought." "Well, if you're not coming, give my love to Nanny." "Are you really going?" "Of course." "Will I see you in London?" "Yes, I'm coming to stay with you." "I wish I had not seen him." "That was cruel." "I do not mind the idea of his being drunk." "It is a thing all men do when they are young." "I am used to the idea of it." "My brothers were wild at his age." "What hurt last night was that there was nothing happy about him." "I know." "I've never seen him like that before." "And last night of all nights when there were only ourselves here." "You see, Charles, I think of you very much as one of ourselves." "Sebastian loves you." "When there was no need for him to make an effort to be happy and he wasn't happy." "I slept very little last night, and all the time I kept coming back to that one thing:" "How unhappy he was." "It was horrible." "But please don't think that's his usual way." "Mr Samgrass tells me he was drinking too much all last term." "Yes, but not like that." "Never before." "Then, why now?" "Here?" "With us?" "All night I have been thinking and praying and wondering what to say to him, and now, this morning, he isn't here at all." "That was cruel of him, leaving without a word." "I don't want him to be ashamed." "It's being ashamed that makes it so wrong of him." "But he's ashamed of being unhappy." "Mr Samgrass tells me he is noisy and high spirited." "I believe you and he tease Mr Samgrass rather." "It's very naughty of you." "I'm very fond of Mr Samgrass." "And you should be too, after all he's done for you." "All the same, I think if I were your age and a man, I might be just a little inclined to tease Mr Samgrass myself." "No, I don't mind that, but last night and this morning were something quite different." "You see it's all happened before." "Well, I can only say I've seen him drunk often and" "I've been drunk with him often, and last night was quite new to me." "I don't mean with Sebastian." "I mean years ago." "I've been through it all before with someone else whom I loved." "Well, you must know who I mean, with his father." "He used to get drunk in just that way." "Someone told me he is not like that anymore." "I pray God it's true and I thank God for it with all my heart if it is." "But the running away!" "He ran away too, you know." "It was as you said just now, he was ashamed of being unhappy." "Both of them unhappy, ashamed and running away." "It's too pityful." "The men I grew up with were not like that." "I simply don't understand it." "Do you, Charles?" "Only very little." "And yet Sebastian is fonder of you than any of us you know." "You've got to help him." "I can't." "Well, if I'm going to catch my train" "Tell me, have you read my brother's book?" "It's just come out." "Yes, I glanced through it in Sebastian's room." "I should like you to have a copy." "May I give you one?" "They were three splendid men." "Ned was the best of them." "He was the last to be killed and when the telegram came as I knew it would come, I said to myself" ""Now it's my son's turn to do what Ned can never do now. "" "I was alone then." "He was just going to Eton." "If you read Ned's book you'll understand." "She had a copy lying ready on her bureau." "I thought at the time, she planned this parting before ever I came in." "Had she rehearsed all the interview?" "If things had gone differently, would she have put the book back in the drawer?" "Thank you." "I prayed for you too, in the night." "Go on, you'll miss your train." "I was no fool." "I was old enough to know that an attempt had been made to suborn me and young enough to have found the experience agreeable." "Will you be seeing Sebastian?" "Yes, of course." "Please will you give him my special love?" "Will you remember?" "My special love." "I won't forget." "Bye Charles." "Bye." "Hayter, is my father in?" "No, he went out early." "Lord Sebastian has arrived." "Good, where is he?" "Charles!" "How are you?" "I've been waiting for you for hours." "What kept you?" "I'm so glad you're here." "Are you being looked after?" "Uh huh." "Is everything all right?" "Blissful." "Hayter?" "By the way, before I forgot, Cordelia sends her special love." "Did you have your little talk with Mummy?" "Yes." "Have you gone over to her side?" "No." "I'm with you." ""Sebastian contra mundum"." "Good." "Then you find me a drink." "Ah!" "Well, I don't know whether I am going to be able to" "But the shadows were closing round Sebastian." "We retuned to Oxford and once again the gilly flowers bloomed under my college windows and the chestnut lit the streets and the warm stones strewed their flakes upon the cobbles." "But it was not as it had been." "There was mid-winter in Sebastian's heart." "The weeks went by and we looked for lodgings for the coming term and found them in Merton Street a secluded, expensive little house near the tennis court." "Charles." "How nice to see you." "How are you?" "Hello, Mr Samgrass." "I haven't seen you for long time." "How's Sebastian?" "He's very well." "We've just found some rooms together in Merton Street." "You're sharing digs with Sebastian?" "So he is coming up next term?" "I suppose so, I don't see why not." "I don't either." "It's just that I somehow thought, perhaps he wasn't." "I'm always wrong about things like that." "I like Merton Street." "Schlegel!" "Do you know these fascinating essays, Charles?" "No." "Don't think me interfering you know, but I wouldn't make any definite arrangement in Merton Street until you're sure." "It's just conceivable his mother may have different ideas." "Yes, there's a plot on." "Mummy wants me to live with Monsignor Bell." "Why didn't you tell me before?" "Because I'm not going to live with Monsignor Bell." "But I still think you might have told me." "When did it start?" "Oh, it's been going on." "Mummy's so clever, you know." "She saw she'd failed with you." "I expect it was the letter you wrote after reading uncle Ned's book." "But I hardly said a thing." "Well, that was it." "If you were going to be any use to her, you have said a lot." "Uncle Ned is the test, you know." "Ah, Mr Ryder." "Yes?" "Goodbye." "Bye." "This came for you, sir." ""I shall be passing through Oxford on Tuesday and hope to see you and Sebastian." "I would like to see you alone for five minutes before I see him." "Is that too much to ask?" "I will come to your rooms at about 12:00"." "These ground floor rooms are really most attractive." "My brothers, Simon and Ned, were here you know." "Ned had rooms on the garden front." "I wanted Sebastian to come here too, but my husband was at Christchurch and, as you know, it was he who took charge of Sebastian's education." "These really are delightful, Charles." "Thank you." "Everyone loves your paintings in the garden room." "We would never forgive you if you didn't finish them." "Well, I hope" "I expect you've guessed already what I've come to ask." "Quite simply." "Is Sebastian drinking too much this term?" "If he was I shouldn't answer." "As it is, I can say no." "I believe you, thank God." "Is that the time?" "Sebastian's expecting us at one." "That night, Sebastian had his third disaster." "Mr Ryder, sir." "Mr Ryder." "What on earth is it?" "Oakes Oakes?" "What's the time?" "It's Lord Sebastian Flyte, sir." "I reckon he was climbing in to see you, sir." "Where is he?" "He's in the back quad." "Had a bit of a nasty fall." "The 'Bulldogs' have got 'im and the proctors are there." "I believe they've got the Principal up, too." "But I only left him an hour ago." "He can't have." "Now then, sir, take it quietly please." "Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry." "Oh Christ I just wanted" "I don't seem to be entirely myself." "I seem to have hurt my leg" "There's blood all over my hand." "I'm sorry, I don't think it's very serious." "Charles!" "Sebastian." "Are you all right?" "Charles, I've had a bit of a fall bleeding a lot but feel all right." "Look, I'm alright it's bleeding a lot but I'm alright." "I just wanted to see you" "I just wanted to see you It's all right, sir he's a friend of mine." "I'll take care of him." "I told you I told you I wanted to see you" "Have you been doing that a lot?" "Drinking by yourself after I've gone." "About twice." "Well, maybe four times." "It's only when they start bothering me." "I'd be all right if only they'd leave me alone." "They won't now." "I know." "Really, Sebastian, if you are going to embark on a solitary bout of drinking every time you see a member of your family it's hopeless!" "I know it's hopeless." "Well, what do you propose to do?" "Nothing." "I shan't do a thing." "They'll do it all." "You must believe that when I told you he was not drinking" "I was telling you the truth as I knew it." "I know you wish to be a good friend to him." "That's not what I mean." "I believed it to be true." "I still believe it to some extent." "I believe he's been drunk two or three times before, no more." "It's no use, Charles, all you can mean is that you have not as much influence or knowledge of him as I thought." "It is no good either of us trying to believe him." "I've known drunkards before." "One of the most terrible things about them is their deceit." "Love of truth is the first thing that goes." "And after lunch, when you left, he was so sweet to me." "Just as he used to be as a little boy, and I agreed to all he wanted." "You know I had doubts about his sharing rooms with you." "I know you'll understand me when I say that." "You know how fond we all are of you apart from your being Sebastian's friend." "We would miss you so much if you ever stopped coming to stay with us." "But I want Sebastian to have all sorts of friends, not just one." "Monsignor Bell tells me he never mixes with the other Catholics rarely goes to Church even." "Heaven forbid he should know only Catholics but he should know some." "It takes a very strong faith to stand entirely alone and Sebastian isn't strong." "But I was so happy at luncheon that I gave up all my objections" "I went round with him to see the rooms you had chosen." "They are charming." "We decided on some furniture you could have sent from London to make them nicer." "And then, on the very night after I had seen him" "No Charles, it is not in the Logic of the Thing." "Well, have you a remedy?" "The college are being extraordinarily kind." "They say they will not send him down provided he goes to live with Monsignor Bell." "It's not something I could have suggested myself." "It was the Monsignor's own idea." "Lady Marchmain, can't you see that if you want to turn him into a drunkard that's the way to do it?" "Any idea of his being watched would be fatal." "Oh dear, it's no use." "Protestants always think" "Catholic priests are spies." "That's not what I mean." "He must feel free." "But he's been free, always, up till now and look at the result." "I'm going to cable Papa." "He won't let them force me into that priest's house." "What if they make it a condition of your coming up?" "I shan't come up." "Can you imagine me serving at Mass twice a week?" "Helping at tea parties for shy Catholic freshmen dining with a visiting lecturer with Monsignor Bell's eye on me just to make sure I don't get too much port?" "Being explained away as the rather embarrassing local inebriate who's been taken in because his mother is so charming?" "I told her it wouldn't do." "Charles Let's get really drunk tonight." "It's the one time it could do no conceivable harm." "Promise me you haven't gone over to their side?" ""Contra mundum"." ""Contra Mundum"." "Bless you, Charles." "There are not many evenings left to us." "Those priests sleep" "Damn Monsignor" "Ding Dong I'm not interested" "That's not what" "The next day, Lady Marchmain left Oxford taking Sebastian with her." "Brideshead and I went to his rooms to sort out what he would have sent on and what to leave behind." "It's a pity Sebastian doesn't know Monsignor Bell better." "He'd find him a charming man to live with." "I was there myself in my last term." "My mother believes Sebastian is a confirmed drunkard." "Is he?" "He's in danger of becoming one." "I believe God prefers drunkards to a lot of respectable people." "For God's sake!" "Why do you have to bring God into everything?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot." "But you know that's an extremely funny question." "Is it?" "To me, not to you." "No." "Not to me." "It seems to me that without your religion Sebastian might have had a chance to be a happy and a healthy man." "It's arguable, I suppose." "Do you think Sebastian will need this elephant's foot again?" "Hello, I haven't seen you all term." "Why have you deserted the smart set?" "I'm the loneliest man in Oxford." "Sebastian Flyte's been sent down." "Have you got digs for next term?" "I'm sharing with Tyngate." "There's one room we still haven't let." "Barker was coming in but now he's standing for President of the Union he feels he ought to be nearer." "Where are you going?" "I was going to Merton Street with" "Sebastian but that's no good now." "I'd better go and do my packing." "I hope you find someone for Iffley Road." "I hope you find someone for Merton Street." "That very good-looking friend, is he not with you?" "No." "I'm sorry." "I liked him." "Father, do you particularly want me to take my degree?" ""I want you to?" Good gracious, why should I want such a thing?" "No use to me." "Not much use to you either, as far as I've seen." "That's exactly what I was thinking." "I thought perhaps it was rather a waste of time going back to Oxford." "You've been sent down, my brother warned me of this." "No, I've not." "Well then, what's all the talk about?" "Everyone stays up at least three years." "I knew one man who took seven to get a pass degree in theology." "I only thought that if I wasn't going to take up one of the professions where a degree is necessary." "It might be better to start now on what I intend doing." "I intend being a painter." "You'll need a studio." "Yes." "Well, there's no studio here." "I'm not going to have you painting in the gallery." "No, I never meant to." "Nor will I have undraped models all over the house or critics with their horrible jargon." "And I don't like the smell of turpentine." "I presume you intend to do the thing properly and paint with oils?" "Well, I probably shouldn't paint much in the first year." "Anyway, I should be at a school." "Abroad?" "There are some excellent schools abroad, I believe." "Well abroad or here." "I should have to look round first." "Look round abroad." "Anyhow you agree to my leaving Oxford?" "Agree?" "Agree?" "My dear boy, you're twenty-two." "Twenty, father." "Twenty-one in October." "Is that all you are?" "It seems much longer." "I did not see Sebastian again that year." "Towards the end of the summer I took up a place in a small art school in Paris and found rooms in the Ille St Louis." "A letter from Lady Marchmain completes this chapter." ""My dear Charles, Sebastian's stay here has not been happy." "Mr Samgrass has kindly consented to take charge of him and they go together to the Levant, where Mr Samgrass has long been anxious to investigate a number of orthodox monasteries." "I hope your arrangements for next term have not been too much upset and that everything will go well with you." "I went to the garden room this morning and was so very sorry. ""