"BECOMING AWARE" "Sorry, but I changed the four spark plugs." "I paid as if they were new." "And they are new." "But the engine keeps stopping." "Well, you know, cars are like that." "Even the new ones." "What took you so long?" " This is heavy!" " Beat it inside, come on!" "Well, if you don't like it you can go somewhere else." "Marcelo!" "Give me a hand." "Can't you see I'm busy?" "No, not you kids." "Mummy has to deliver a lot of cakes." " Where you going?" " Get down." "I'm very nervous." "It's getting late." "Down!" "Where do I put it?" "Juan, will you please get the kids out of the car?" "Come here, Reutemann." "Look what a mess you've made." "Get off, Gabby." "Gabby, I told you to get off." "Gabby, get off!" "Are you coming for dinner, Juan?" "Not if I get that job." "We'll be having stew." "What if I go?" "Marcelo, keep an eye on the kids!" "Juan!" "If I believed in the craziness... of the sinsote's throat." "If I did not believe that in the woods... warbling and fright are in hiding." "If I did not believe in the scales... in the reason of balance." "Come on, it's cold." "If I did not believe in rapture..." "If I did not believe in hope..." "If I did not believe in what I gather..." "If I did not believe in my way..." "If I did not believe in my sound..." "If I did not believe in my silence..." "He's crying, mom." "That won't kill him." "You'll catch a cold." "Take this, you'll worry everybody." "When we get home I'll prepare hot tea." " Don't worry about me." " I need it." "We all need very hot tea." "I don't." "You were in the cold." "It'll do you good." "Mom... he told you he doesn't want any." "A cognac, then... something strong." "Come on!" "Come on!" "I'm going to the hospital." "What about your relatives?" "I'll drown in there." "I also drown but I hold on." "She wasn't your mother." "Exactly." "Why should I have to face it?" "Don't face it." "Ask them to play poker if you want." "Please, take me to the hospital..." "It's not right, Carlos!" "Nora, I know what's right and what's wrong." "I'm not going dancing." "I'm going to work!" "Do as you please!" "Where are you going?" "I'll go and look for him." "Listen." "Listen, damn it." " He's being looked after." " Nobody's looking after him!" "Easy, my love." "You'll get a strong impression, it won't be good for you." "What are you looking at?" " Ventura." "I'm sorry son." " Thank you." " I'm sorry, doctor." " Thank you, dear." "Thank you, don't say anything." "I would have liked to go." " I would like to..." " Be elsewhere." "I know." "When your parents die consolation is nowhere." "I know by experience." "I also thought I hadn't done enough for my father." "But it's only a feeling." "I did all I could." "Just like you did." "I've been waiting four hours." "There's not even a chair!" "We do all we can." " Which is not much, is it?" " You can always go to a private clinic." "We pay you what you make here!" "Your mother's a bitch!" "Since I'm your daughter, how about a raise?" "Are you a doctor?" "My brother had an accident." "Nobody can tell me where he is." "Where is he?" "He must be dying." "Where is he!" "Ask in the Emergency Room." "But nobody knows anything!" "They must be caring for him." "But... maybe he's already dead." "Nobody's responsible here." " Has it stopped raining?" " No." "Not in this hospital." "Meeting at the Big Chief's." "Perini, Sancho, Viglietti and Nuñez." " What's happened?" " What's happened?" "They took a kidney out of someone who had appendicitis." "And they got the appendix out of the kidney guy." "General practitioners must be humble." "You also can prescribe heat on swollen ovaries." "I'm a witness." "Shall I call the first one in?" "He's in a coma and..." "there's not much hope." "I'll be frank." "We don't know where to start." "Is he going to die?" "Three doctors are with him, and they're not optimistic." "Meanwhile we need as much blood as the family can get." "Not you, of course." "I'm a friend." "I'm his girlfriend." "But I had hepatitis, and I don't know if I can..." "You've got to get it somehow." "Plasma is not given away." "You've got to replace it." "Or buy it." "Excuse me." "Doctor..." "I had a venereal disease." "Can I?" "I can't leave this here." "I can't go to the hospital now." "I'm working." "No, I sent Quique to buy some spare parts." "Okay, I'll talk to the neighbors about the blood." "Hello!" "It seems he can't come." "He's going to drive me crazy." "What's the matter?" "I'm fed up, Dad, I can't go on like this." "I keep getting new fears." "This is a bloody awful country, Dad!" "Why don't you get separated?" "For economy reasons, I suppose." "It's better to put up together than to split misery." "That's the possibility of a fail." " Don't say that." " One must accept it." "I never got more than a lousy salary." "Which I get for a doubtful service given to the community." "Who is to blame?" "Nobody's responsible." "Except a fifty percent clumsiness and a fifty percent bad luck." "I'm leaving, Dad." "I'm going to Spain, to a friend's." "I've already got the ticket." "This will never change." "I want to work, but there are no jobs." "I want to study, but at the University..." "In this country you can't live or think... you can't even have a screw." "What answer do you expect?" "None." "I don't expect one." "I'm already twenty, Dad." "And we've never had a dialogue." " Have I been a bad father?" " You don't know me." "You had no time." "True." "I had no time." "My God!" "Another death!" "Everything's dying around me." "I'm also dying." "There's open warfare." "Did you hear about the kidney and the appendix?" "The relatives are raising hell and there are no excuses." "They're blaming each other." "The doctors blame the assistants, the assistants blame the nurses and everybody blames bureaucracy." "Because getting the wrong patient, could be." "But the sex!" "Felix knew he had a woman, and Enrique that his was a man." "Doctor Ferrero..." "My God!" "They follow me everywhere." "I can't do anything for that corpse." "Shall I read the report?" "It's not necessary." "These are just mortal remains." "A fractured skull, only to begin with." "The rest seems the work of a morbid butcher... half for the stew, and half..." "What do the X-rays say?" "A lot but not all." "They weren't taken properly." "Poor kid!" "Only his heart is working well." "Tough luck." "He can last forever." "Who's in charge of him?" "Nobody, apparently he's in Ferrero's hands... but he's only put that bandage." "He's saving the hospital cotton-wool, alcohol, plaster and antibiotics." "Look at the chest." "Every rib is broken." "The hypocrisy of the system sickens me!" "Why don't they help him die?" "But they won't do anything." "Something better happen once and for all." "At one time impossible things were done to save a life." "Today life's worth less than that fag you're about to smoke." "Pulse is normal, Ferrero." "Pulse is normal, Ferrero." "This case is not yours." "I know, I'm not trying to interfere." "You cannot pass over me." "But who wants to pass over you?" "This is not your ground." "You mind your own business." "Don't get mad, damn it!" " That boy..." " The one the truck got?" "He wants to live." "That's what we all want." "We can't just leave him there on a stretcher." "Ventura, we must be practical." "There's no sense in being utopical nowadays." "Who were in the consulting team?" "Perrone, Brunetti, Calvo and myself." "I think we're competent enough." "I'm not judging..." "Ferrero thinks exactly the same." "A lost case, man." "The death certificate has not been signed yet." "He still breathes..." "We're getting cynical." "What's happening to us?" "To me?" "To you!" "What's wrong with you man?" "Ventura, damn it!" "Do you want him?" "He's all yours, my friend, all yours." "What bad luck!" "It's your fate!" "I am alone." "I can't count on Marcelo." "I don't know what I'll do." "Andrea, you'll come to see him everyday." "You must look after him, Andreita, I beg you." " You too, Luis?" " Yes, of course, Susana." "Why did I want to be pregnant?" "Don't say that." "Why?" "Why?" "I've been carrying this for ages." "It weighs a ton." "You say that because you're afraid." "Some news!" "Of course I'm afraid." "You know for how long?" "Any news?" "Yes, we were expecting you for a toast." "Don't be an idiot." "You want the world to stop because your brother's had an accident?" "We've got to carry on living." "The boy's parents?" "He has no parents." " Any relative?" " His sister." "If you ask for it, I can take the case... and I would really try." "Are there any hopes?" "Why lose them?" "Excuse me." "We're not rich." "This is a State hospital." "State hospital but not everything's free." "Excuse me, doctor, I know." "The problems come aftervards." "I know it well." "Will he be a cripple?" "If lucky." "He can also die." "But we've got to try, don't you think?" "Yes, of course." "Whom do we have to ask?" "The Director of the hospital, doctor Ricardo Patiño." " You write." " Ricardo Patiño." "Why such a fuss, if we can go right ahead and ask." "This hospital is run by bureaucracy, like everything else." "Bring the note early tomorrow." "But doctor, he can die meanwhile." "Don't worry, I'll skip professional ethics meanwhile." "And I'll start work at once." "Right?" "Thank you." "Doctor, how do you know he'll want to live like that?" "What do you mean?" "That he can remain alive..." "and dead at the same time." "Ok." "At least you know what you want." "And what you don't want." "And you?" "What do you specialize in?" "I am a general physician." "You don't specialize in anything?" "You're not even a surgeon?" "Please, I want my brother alive." "We have nothing to lose." "So do I. I just don't want him to be experimented with." "Andrea, what are you talking about?" "Are you his wife?" "Are you deciding?" "I want the doctor..." "Ventura." "To do whatever is necessary to keep my brother alive." "How are you doing, Professor?" "Better than half of mankind, and worse than the other half." "You are tired." "I'm never tired." "I resist like nylon." "But I could do with a leave." "Hemorrhage is what's urgent." "The rest can wait." "But those splinters pressing his lungs..." "D'you think that Prado?" "Prado won't waste his time without some benefit." "You don't think highly of him." "We old professors know too much." "You'll need the help of people not distorted by the profession." "We have some young doctors dying to get experience." "Here you've got to cut, join together, nail, and do a lot of work." "You'll need help." "Can we leave him here, professor?" "You're asking me?" "Since about an hour ago I'm an intruder in this hospital." "It's tough to leave home." "And this has been my home." "When they took the Directorship from me they expected me to resign." "I swallowed my pride and I didn't resign." "Maybe I was too proud." "I wanted them to dismiss me." "But... why?" "Because I use lenses and I see too much." "Two eyes are dangerous, imagine what you can see with four." "To survive here you mustn't see..." "you must remain in a corner... and keep saying "Yes, sir; yes, sir..."" "I walk, I listen, I see, and I also think... thereby I'm dangerous." "I'm undesirable." "So today, after thirty years..." "I was politely told to go." "Nothing to be sorry about." "One must choose a way and make it." "Or leave." "But if one decides to stay, it is a must to make headway." "One way or another." "You'll have to learn to be sly to get places." "And really go for it." "Do it carefully." "Don't let them get wise." "Already in bed?" "What did you expect?" "All your cousins and their kids were here." "Some doctors and..." "But why did you get into bed so early?" "Because we got tired of dancing." "Were there any drinks left?" "There wasn't much." "There's never much of anything in this house." "Everybody thought it was wonderful that you would work on a day like this." "We'll try to sleep now." "What do you think?" "You won't be able to sleep." "And neither will I." "You just want me to shut up." "You guessed." "Give me that as a present, if only for today." "Have you got a cigarette?" "Don't smoke now." "You know I hate the smell." "I'll go to the other end of the castle." "Roberto's asleep." "I'll go to the bathroom." "Take a Valium." "And if I take a bottle of cyanide?" "Pity not having any." "Can't you get something for me at the hospital?" "I need to work." "What for?" "To be together 24 hours a day?" "I can't live tied to the TV." "I need to work." "Do it." "I don't force you to live by the TV." "I feel that I'm nothing." "But really nothing." "Am I to blame?" "Don't pretend you're Einstein." "What are you, anyway?" "A poor guy with a degree and a miserable salary." "I do my part in this 20 year old contract." "I do mine." "You see, we've got nothing against each other." "You don't even make a truce on a day like this." "As if death solved anything." "Did he tell you he was leaving?" "I'd feel better if you took these dollars." "I don't need them, Dad." "I'm going to a friend's." "Don't get illusioned." "Frustrations are terrible." "Let him have them." "He wouldn't go if he had no hopes." " I don't want him to suffer" " Neither do I." "Please go." "I don't like farewells." "What can I say?" "Have a good trip." "That's all." "Look after yourself." "Retractors." "What would the sledgehammer be, without a quarry..." "A mix up of strings and tendons..." "Ajumble of flesh and wood..." "An instrument without better brilliance..." "Scissors." "Than tiny lights set up for a stage..." "What would it be, my heart, what would it be..." "Hurry up, boys." "What would the sledgehammer be, without a quarry..." "He is hypertensive." "Afigurehead for the traitor of applause..." "One who serves the past in new cups..." "A perpetuator of the gods of decline..." "Scalpel." "A rejoicing boiled with rag and spangle." "What would it be, my heart, what would it be..." "What would the sledgehammer be, without a quarry..." "What would it be, my heart, what would it be..." "What would the sledgehammer be, without a quarry..." "There's always a first time." "Easy, doctor." "It's over." "It's already over." "Not yet." "This is only the beginning." "Would you like a strong drink?" "You could be friendlier, Carlos." "Even though he's twenty years younger than you." "What d'you want to prove, Carlos?" "Prove what?" "I think there are a lot of patients closer to life." "Why not look after them?" "I cannot condemn anybody to death." "Do you think it was worth it?" "Yes, of course." "The State pays, doesn't it?" "Who is "the State"?" "Not Santa Claus." "It pays with our money." "Well, an important job was done, but it's only the beginning." " Have you found blood donors?" " No." "You must get donors." "You can't expect everything from this place." "You've also got to do something." "Now keep calm and be patient." " Bye." " Thank you." "This guy thinks we won't do anything?" "They're experimenting." "You should have kept your medical insurance." "Andrea, Juancito couldn't pay for it any longer." "How could he know about this?" "Okay, you go." "We'll stay." "We can't stay." " Why?" " Why?" "Because." "We left the kids alone." "Your mother didn't come." "Okay, it doesn't matter." "I'll stay with Luis." "I can't, I've got to go to work, they could fire me." "Bye." " You are coming tomorrow." " Yes." "Okay Susana, you go and I'll stay as much as necessary." "Here, my father sends you this." "No, what we need is blood, not money." " OK." "Money is also blood." " No, I'm not taking it." " Please do." " No!" "Why are you such an idiot?" "I'm not an idiot." "I work." "What has this girl got to do with it?" " Please put something on." " What about the money?" " I work." " You work?" " And you?" " How much was it?" "I don't know how much it was." " Are you too proud to accept?" " Please!" "Yes, sir." "I'm proud." "Of course I am." " I know how to get the money." " We'll get it with our blood." "What are you doing here so early?" "It's only six." "I've been on duty." "Did you sleep?" "Yes, a little." "Here on the chair." "Just like me." "My husband raised hell last night." "He wanted to kill me." "What did you do to him?" "He came home drunk." "We barely make a living and he drinks a gallon of wine." "I know he does it because life's tough." "So it is for everybody." "We've got five kids and the youngest is eight months old." "I had to hide at a neighbor's." "The kids were crying." "In the end the police came and they took him." "And here I am." " This one will make it." " How do you know?" "Because of his color." "And he's young." " Young people also die." " Not this one." "He has a good color." "I know death." "They call you Dr. Frankenstein, but he's Dracula." "Always thirsty." "Don't laugh." "You have no reason to." "Your wife sent you your clothes." "All of them?" "I don't know how many you've got." "It's a big bag." "You didn't sleep home last night." "And I bet you didn't bother to call." "That's nothing." "No, don't tell me anything." "When this is over I'll make a nice chocolate for you." "Thanks, you're like a mother to me." "Yes, you we're born when I was ten." "You've always felt a bit like Oedipus." "Be merciful!" "I'm very weak." "I wasn't going to rape you." "Ou..." "Mummy!" "I'm glad." "Really glad." "You don't know what you're saying." "What do you mean?" "Of course I do." "We're like two animals pulling from a cart forever." "A complicated life." "With no love." "It's hot." " What?" " I'm feeling hot!" " You have temperature, Susana." " I wish I'd die." "How can you say a thing like that." "I know what I'm saying." "Our life is very complicated." "Okay, but you've got two kids at home." "And a brother who's dying." "You shouldn't worry." "I'm looking after him." "I know how you can." "It's always money." "Money." "Money for what?" "To make life easier for you and the kids." "What?" "Life, life, life." "I'm giving it away every day." "The house, the cakes, the kids, the clients, my brother." "We'll never live better." "You'll always want more." "Well yes." "I want to go ahead." " Go ahead?" " Of course." "Go ahead?" "I shit myself on getting ahead!" "Okay, take it easy." "I'm fed up!" "Okay, Susana." "Don't say it any more." "I'm fed up." "I can't any more." "I'm tired of arguing." "What's going on here?" "Nothing." "She's got a bit nervous, nurse." "What's wrong, dollie?" "The world isn't coming to a stop." "Listen." "You'll have kids, and more kids still." "Yes, of course." "You'll have about a thousand." "Why didn't you tell me in time?" "Did I ask you or didn't I what was happening with your monthly?" "And what did you say?" "That it had got behind a few days." "150 days it got behind!" "Why didn't you tell me your liver had swollen?" "That you couldn't eat mortadella?" "You even made me buy ham, at such prices!" "So it was mortadella." "Whose mortadella?" "At least you know whose it is?" "Don't pretend." "I mean the child, not the mortadella." "D'you know what it is to have a child?" "You... with that figure like a flimsy noodle..." "What got into your head?" "You think life is for fun?" "No, dear." "We come to suffer, in case you don't know." "And now get ready." "Because if the fetus comes ass first they'll have to open you up." "And we'll see after that if you still fell like doing the dirty thing." "I hate the smell of hospitals." "I feel I'm invaded by microbes." "They own the world." "They have big parties, the scoundrels." "They reproduce in true Roman orgies." "They grow up, they form enormous families." "I'd say they live in a permanent feast." "It might very well be." "And we're their food, their drink, even their music." "It's really flattering." "I need more ketchup." "I told you I couldn't give you any more." "Yes, I know." "But this boy's abandoned." "Not even his sister comes anymore." "I need Patiño's authorization." "You don't need anything." "Be a man once and for all." "Patiño doesn't check that much, does he?" "He misses a lot." "All right." "I had faith in my charms." "It's healing well." "But he's still in a coma." "That's about all I can do." "I'm leaving." "I got the Visa to go to Canada." "They say it's better over there." "In two or three years I get my degree revalidated." "We've got to look after the cervicals... when the general condition has improved." "Othervise we run the risk of collapse." "This is like reconstructing the pyramids of Egypt." "That proved useful." "Millions of tourists go see them." "I'm not saying it's useless." "I'm only surprised." "Such solidarity with someone unknown." "My duty is to know everything that happens around here." "I gave you the case because of the relatives." "But we're spending money, work and energies... on something almost pointless." "And you..." "You're neglecting your family, even your wife." "You know everything gets to be known here." "Everything about everybody." "Don't stake your private life, Ventura." "Put your family in first place." "That's what matters in the end." "Put your family in first place." "That's what matters in the end." "I know the terms between you and your wife are worsening." "What goes right in this world?" "You're a weak man, Carlos." "Is that a compliment?" " No." " What is it?" "It's... almost an accusation." "Weak people cause a lot of harm." "They can even squash the rest." "Whom?" "The strongest?" "Isn't that a contradiction?" "Maybe." "But I want you to know that you did me a lot of harm." "I'm sorry." "I don't want you to apologize." "No, I don't want you to apologize." "Carlos, for you making love is purely a matter of hygiene." "Yes, like washing your face." "It's not true." "I'm not with you." "Can't you see?" "By God!" "Making love became a solitary act since you left me." "Use your wife Carlos, use your wife!" "I don't use anybody." "And much less the people I love." "Why don't you leave her then?" "As if it were that simple." "She's going through bad times." "She probably hasn't eaten today." "I just remembered I left her no money today." "Please, don't dramatize." "So many years studying, burning my eyes, forgetting about life... always tightening my belt..." "A general physician should be in the country... trading for eggs and chickens." "What are you doing in this city?" "Don't say those things." "They hurt." "Sometimes I feel like stabbing you with a scalpel." "Why?" "Because I feel I was taken in." "For three years." "I never knew I was exchanging love with Little Red Riding Hood." "Or that I was the Big Bad Wolf." "Can't you behave like a grown-up?" "Why always blame others?" "Come here!" "Where are you going?" "Come here!" "Don't be a child." "I'm in charge of a serious case." "And who takes charge of mine?" "You do?" "You're drunk." "How did you realize?" "You're a genius." "You are a genius." "There was nothing to eat." "I said to myself:" "I'll go to the grocers." "In this damn house there's never a damn thing to eat." "I then had a look at everything." "Look, this one was on sale." "I bought it for myself." "To celebrate I'm single again." "So I bought it, and it's working wonders." "I'm not eating any more." "I won't eat any more." "I'll live on gin." "Makes me feel so well." "I feel I have... little butterflies." "I was hungry and I called my sister." "What a bitch she is!" "She cut me off." "Turned her back on me." "I called Perla, my best friend, and she wouldn't listen." "Everybody's left me." "Nobody cares what happens to me!" "Nobody cares about me!" "I care." "What do you care!" "You son of a bitch, you silly idiot!" "If you let your son go, what can you care about anything?" "It's his life, you know?" "And whose life is mine?" "You're free." "Am I free?" "What's the matter?" "What's the matter?" "Who is it?" " Doctor Ventura." " What does he want?" "Go to sleep, will you?" " Your mother?" " Yes, my mother." "My dear mother, a cripple for seven years who'll live until the year 2000." "You won't live that long." "No." "They'll bury me five minutes after they bury her." "What is it?" "I'm coming." "What's the matter, mother?" "I left you the pills, the water, your book and your glasses." "You're being cared for better than the Queen of England." "How about sleeping a while?" "What does that doctor want?" "He came to consult me." "I specialize in boring old ladies." "My God!" "Give me strength." " D'you want a piece of cake?" " No." "Surely you've had nothing to eat." "Give me the piece of cake." "Look, the last one." "It means you'll marry this year." "You have it, then." "To get married?" "I'll tell you." "We'll share it." "How d'you like it?" "I just want a tiny bit." "What did you come for?" "Because I needed some air." "Of course!" "Air is very pure in this house." "She gets drunk." "Nora, my wife, gets drunk." "Not your fault." "She says it is." "You know something?" "I'm in favor of suicide." "Those who can't stand life should commit suicide." "And the State should provide the means." "Never tell that to a Minister of God." "I get on well with life." "I like it." "Look Carlos..." "I'm fifty-ffssnn... almost sixty." "I'm single." "No kids." "Not a virgin, mind you." "Let's not mix things up." "But I'm single." "I work like a horse at the hospital and then..." "I get home and work like a horse caring for an old cripple." "I get home and work like a horse caring for an old cripple." "Of course, she's my mother." "I love her." "Know something?" " I love life." " Why?" "I don't know." "Maybe I'm a masochist." "I don't have many reasons." "But I like it." "Or maybe it's because I can work with you." "I remember you as a student." "I was then..." "about 12 years older than you... and engaged to an anesthesist." "If I hadn't been engaged, I would have gone for you." "Because, my God, how handsome you were!" "With your white gown, perfectly ironed..." "I can just see you." "You had sparkling eyes, and..." "You're making me up." "No, you were wonderful!" "I went through a lot of daydreaming about you." "I even imagined you naked." "One day I realized I didn't care for that anesthesist." "When I decided to hook you, Nora appeared." "And then Roberto was born." "Were you in love with me?" "I feel like sending you to hell." "I never realized." "Of course you didn't." "But you made life miserable for me." "I'm confessing now because it's all over, of course." "You should have made a signal." "How funny!" "I made every possible signal:" "Air, smoke and fire." "I turned on sirens, greens on every street light I had near until I felt worse than a dog with no fleas." "You went around with everyone." "With every nurse you had a chance with..." "No." "That's not true." "I used to console myself with eggnog... my secret weakness." "You want some?" "Yes, I want it all." "I have very little to offer." "I'm very poor." "And I'm not very demanding." "For our love that never was." "I feel so unmotivated with no strength to carry on." "I enter your list of disregarded people." "I'm not in love with life." "Agueda!" "The bell has rung." " Has the doctor left?" " No, he hasn't." "Ask him why I'm crippled." "I'll ask him why you're so tedious." "Go to sleep." " You better go." " No." "Why?" "Because I prefer to keep imagining what there is under that shirt." "What a pest!" "What do you want, mother?" "You're not very sociable either, are you?" "I care for you more than I would for a son." "And not a word from you." "A clock..." "I can tell you were made here." "You can't die, kid." "I'm asking you this as a special favor." "You've got to help me." "Say something, kid." "Don't you also leave me in this silence." "PI... ea... se..." "What's your name?" "What is your name?" "Juan..." "My..." "legs..." "What's the matter?" "What do you feel?" "They... hurt..." "I can't move them..." "How long?" "I've been fighting for your life for 15 days." "Shall we fight together?" "Yes." "Did I finish military training?" "I said something stupid." "It hurts inside." "Everything hurts." "Hello, I brought you the kids so you could see them." "One, two, three." "Let's say hello to mummy." "Give her a kiss." "One, two, three." "Let's say hello to mummy." "Give her a kiss." "Susana, come to your senses." "I'm lost, I don't know what to do." "Your family has no time for them." "And I can't do one thing right." "Juan is dead." "Juan is not dead." "He is not dead." "But don't worry about Juan." "Luis and Andrea are looking after him." "Worry about yourself, Susana." "Think about the kids." "Think about us." "By God, come to your senses once and for all." "He's dead." "Are we still in winter?" "Not much left of it." "You were lucky this happened in winter." "I once broke a leg and the itching of the cast nearly drove me mad." "You itch everywhere." "I don't feel anything." "Not even pain?" "Must be because of the anesthesia." "Because it should hurt and itch." "You don't feel it, but it hurts." "God damn you!" "Look where you're going." "You can have a look." "Do you want to?" "No, I don't want to see him." " Miss Agueda!" " What is it?" "Don't his legs have to itch?" "Yes, doctor Kildare, yes." "Mostly..." "I mean..." "With this you'll dream about Charlie's Angels." "Smooth as silk." "I'm the oldest angel, because I'm the queen of shots." "Did it hurt?" "No it didn't." "Now you'll sleep like a baby." "A sign of the times?" "Nobody's responsible." "Nobody has come for a week." "Not even to ask if he's still alive." "I got a letter from my son." "Well, his mother did." "He and his friend are going to Canada." " To live?" " To try." "Do you know that nobody likes us?" "Anywhere." "I also get letters." "From Mexico, Caracas, Paris, Madrid." "Friends of mine." "Things are difficult everywhere." "What a consolation!" "I'm not trying to comfort you." "I'm not well either." "I take Valium to get calm and amphetamines to stir myself up." "I forbid you." "What an idea." "What are you doing?" "Do you want to make people talk?" "You know what I found out?" "Nobody sees anything." "We don't even see ourselves." "We're 28 million blind people." "I can't go on." "It's not worth it." "You're torturing me for nothing." "Don't be ungrateful." "Nobody asked your opinion, anyway." "I don't know if I want to live." "You're in our hands, boy." "And nobody's coming to the rescue." "Please!" "Give me an injection." "Yes, it's coming." "What's wrong?" "Does it hurt?" " I'll die all the same." " Will you?" " I know I'll die." " And why will you?" "Because I don't want to be a cripple." "Know something?" "Apart from the shot, I'll sock you if you don't quit it." "Please, get me out of here!" "A little patience, darn it!" "Why don't you kill me?" "Your family would sue me for murder." "Who cares about me?" "What d'you mean?" "Your girl, and your sister?" "Every time your girl and your sister come, you're asleep." "Do they come?" "Has my sister had her baby?" "It's a lie." "Nobody comes." "I've been here 100 years, and I can't put up with it anymore." "He thinks he's been abandoned." "That nobody comes to see him." "It's warm." "Is winter over?" "Don't make calculations." "We have all life before us." "We have reached the government with clean hands and no compromises." "I will show also the clarity of my purposes... as my interest is to comply with my mission." "I pledge my dignity and my pride... as an Argentine soldier." "On duty?" "No." "It was too hot at home." "I'll keep this in the ice chest until I find someone to toast with." "Maybe I already have." "Got two cups?" "I'll go and see." "Well?" "Do we get drunk now or shall we wait until midnight?" "I'm really thirsty." "What are we going to toast for?" "The world, the country, or just us?" "We'll toast for some peace." "I'm taking champagne that was meant for others." "Well, let's toast for them." "For Carlos, Juan, Delia, Agueda and all men and women of goodwill." "Was it so hot at home?" "Was that really the reason?" "You don't think it's enough?" "That a small fan can help you breathe?" "I came just as you did, Agueda." "To toast for a better year." "For a better life." "A shared life." "And I couldn't find anybody." "Who did you look for?" "He has a right to sleep." "He's a great man, Delia." "Perhaps a small great man." "Better than most I know." "I'm happy to have met him and to work at his side." "Of course he won't make the Nobel prize." "He won't even get a tin medal." "He doesn't know how to show himself." "Or how to climb." "He fills in places left by others." "He's a silent worker." "He asks for no other reward than life." "It's curious." "That someone so fair should not be understood." "Nobody does." "His wife, his son, his colleagues... not even you." "I toast for him." "Toast for him, you idiot." " Hello doctor." " Good morning, how're things?" "Does that menu come with instructions?" "I'm on a standstill strike." " Give me that." " No, you keep out, doctor." "Hey, Gladys!" "What are you doing on Saturday night?" "You know how they call me?" "The Buenos Aires Travolta." "Take off my casts and I'll show you." "Don't get me involved because I'm a serious doctor." "Will I have a woman in 100 years time?" "For the moment you'll have mashed potatoes... the best thing for a newly born." "Why d'you waste time on me?" "There's one doctor in each floor and hundreds waiting for one of us to die." "There's only one cook for the whole hospital... who does nothing but complain." "Who do you want to care for you?" "Will you run 1.000 meters with me after lunch?" "You get ready for tomorrow's exercises." "Just wait and see." "You won't feel like dreaming about sex after that." "My old man hated to talk about sex." "The day I was seventeen he took me for a walk." "He was nervous." "He started to beat around it... until he finally spoke about the dangers of sex." "Adam and the danger of eating the apple." "Now I think about the apple and I go mad." "Keep calm." "You can't do anything for now." "That day my father stuck his hand in his pocket... took out a rubber, and asked me if I knew what it was." "At that time I had already banged dozens of women." "From 13 to 17, a girl a day, do the math." "Don't brag." " Do you have children?" " Yes." "And have you talked about the dangers of sex?" "I think the only danger is not getting any." "What other danger could there be?" "I think a lot about sex." "Now too." "Here, in this bed." "And I also think about death." "A lot." "In my death, of course." "Now it's true." "I can't take it anymore." "I'm going to be here my whole life." "And if it's not my life it'll be years." "And I'll be crippled." "Help me die, please." "I won't be able to live alone." "Nobody cares for me." "Nobody comes to see me." "Nobody." "I've lost everyone, because they got tired." "You don't dare lie to me anymore." " Nobody comes." " No, son." "And why do you do all this?" "Because it's my duty." "I let you go, doctor." "Inyect me me with something." "Something that kills me." "I don't want to be a cripple." "I can't take this anymore." "I can't take it." "I did all I could." "But now I can't go on." "I can't." " Excuse me." " What is it?" "I'm coming!" "What can I do for you?" "You come for a donation?" "What is it now?" "The Scoundrels' Big Dance?" "Or one of the incompetent crooks?" " I don't understand." " You don't understand?" " Donation's are a free service here." " How's that?" "There are no free services here, that's what I mean." "What did you come for?" "He's dead." "He kicked the bucket." "No." "Then what do you want?" "Money to buy the medicine he's not getting?" "Or to buy him a coffin for when he dies?" "Or flowers?" "You know how many repairs I've had this month so far?" " No, I don't." " None." "No repairs." "How do you like that?" "I've been banging the tools against the walls." "I don't know." "Either cars don't break down or people prefer to walk." "You know why cars you see around run well?" "Because people store the ones that break down." "And they walk." "You know why?" "To help the country." "To save gas." "God knows how I'll pay for my bills." "And right now!" "Three months ago I had to work day and night." "Marcelo!" "Will you help me or won't you?" "You're making me waste my time." "Time belongs to the devil, like money." "This gentleman comes from the hospital." "Hospital?" "What hospital?" "Which one could it be?" "Where we left your brother." "What did he come for?" "To ask for a donation." "Donation?" "I've been wanting to go." "I haven't because it brings back to me bad memories." "I haven't because it brings back to me bad memories." "But you come to ask for money and you never told us when he died." "I don't know what day my brother died." "Do you know what it is to lose a brother?" "What do you want?" "What donation do you want from us?" "I didn't come for money." "What did you come for then?" "TOWARDS A CHANGE OF MENTALITY" "We've had thunders since last night and not a drop." "There are mosquitoes." "They got me in the face." "I wish it rained." "Rain sweeps them away." "I don't think they'll bother you." "I want to pee." "Gladys, will you do me a favor?" "What is it?" "Just ask." "No." "I was going to ask you to call my sister." "Better let them go to hell." "Why do you say that?" "How bad we all are!" "People have gone strange." "The world has changed." "And so has my husband." "I used to love him." "Now I'm afraid of him." "Everything's going crooked." "And I'm afraid." "I've got kids." "I want a better life for them." "I wanted them to go to school." "I can read a little." "But I can sign well." "I always wanted my kids to..." "Now it's too late." "It's too late to send them to school because they're in the street all day." "Doing nothing." "Playing with a ball, with the other kids..." "Mostly..." "A lightning." "Did you see it?" "Try to move your legs." " I can't." " Try." "Come on." "I'm trying." "I can't." "I can't." "Do you play soccer?" " Like everybody." " You do!" "What position?" "Forvard, defender, goalkeeper..." "What are you?" "Leave me, I can't stand it!" "Were you good?" "I used to be tops." "Don't force me." "No, you'll break my meniscus." "I was very good." "If my old man had only let me, today I'd be famous." "Anyway, he didn't." "Sport for him was a waste of time." "Don't you see I can't?" "Leave me alone!" "Look, I've been with you full time for almost a year." "Nobody asked you to do it." "You're right." "Nobody asked me anything." "I won't rub my work on your face." "But it's my duty, you know?" " Who makes you do it?" " The State." "It pays me to torment you." "The water's getting cold." "We better hurry up." "Can you swim?" "I had the record for the 200 meters as a student." "We'll run a race." "To the end of the pool." "Leave me alone, shit!" "Leave me alone!" "All you want is a shot not to suffer, isn't that so?" "No, sonnie." "Do you think I've been in heaven up to now?" "I also have a private life and a family." "And for the past year I haven't been out anywhere." "Why don't you go out every night as I do?" "Listen, the bones are healed and blood's running through the arteries." "You only lost the ability to bend your knees." "Each phalanx in those fingers will hurt you." "Each muscle, each nerve." "So you better get started." "Come on, both at a time!" "Come on!" "Now!" "Now!" "Now!" "Now!" "It's cold in here." "This is all the comfort we have." "It's winter and there's no heating." "Cling to the bars and try to get up." "It's too soon for me to try." "Look, you arrived here many months ago." "It was on a cold day." "You couldn't remember." "It was winter and now it's winter again." "You're back at the beginning." "You must honor all the time involved and make an effort." "Before you couldn't bend your knees because of your meniscus." "And you made it." "Cling on to the bars." "Why do you do this?" "You have a rotten soul." "I hate you." "I don't care." "I do my duty." "Don't let me go!" " Be ready!" " Don't let me go!" "Of course I will." "I won't be your walking stick." " Don't let go!" "Don't let go!" " Be ready!" "What a goddamn doctor!" "I'm going to fall!" "You fall and I'll let you die." "Look." " Yes, kill me!" " Your foot!" "You are not doing this for me." "You're doing it for you." "To show yourself you're not the shit you really are." "Put your foot down!" " I can't put up with it!" " Put your foot down." "No, I'm falling!" "There's talk about us not keeping the hospital's standard..." "But we've had to reduce everything to a minimum." "They say the government has... well, the highways, the Soccer World Cup..." "The government can't work miracles." "Do you believe in miracles?" "The crisis has reached us too." "For instance, this construction had to be stopped... because of lack of funds, as usual." "Maybe a drive by the news media could help us get..." "Put your feet down!" "I hope you die, doctor!" "I hope you get your punishment for this!" "I hope you die, doctor!" "I hope you get your punishment for this!" "Put your feet down!" "Please help me." "He's tormenting me." "What's going on, Ventura?" "Tell him to leave me alone." "I can't walk." "I'll never be able to walk." "This young man is..." "Yes, that one." "He's alive." "Come, damn it." "I'm not asking you to build a pyramid." "I'm asking you to drag a foot." "Put a foot forvard, you idiot." "Come on, the right one." "The right one, for good luck." " What are you waiting for?" " For you to die." "I'll die when my time comes." "If yours hasn't arrived lift up that foot." "You have those bars to hold on to." "I warn you that if you let yourself fall... and you break a bone, I'll abandon you... and I will consider you a lost case." "Ventura..." "You have two possibilities." "Either you make an effort or you drop yourself." "If you drop, try to break your neck, because if you remain alive..." "Get a move on, damn it!" "The journalist here will think that we torture people." "And they do!" "This son of a bitch has been destroying me for a year!" "Don't you have other patients?" "Why always me?" "Smile for the cameras and take a step." "I won't be able to!" "My tendons are breaking." "Can't you see I won't be able to?" "I'll be happy with a wheelchair." "I have a right to choose, haven't I?" "And who's going to keep you?" "Your family?" "Your girl?" "You've got nobody, man." "You're on your own." "I'll kill you!" "When I can lay my hands on you I'll kill you!" "Come in." "Sit down." "I was eating." "Do you want to eat something?" " There's a letter from Roberto." " What does it say?" "I didn't open it." "It's for you." "Do you remember Beto and Mario, the hairdressers?" "Beto and Mario, the boys who had a place in the corner." "The hairdressers." "The boys!" "They must be my age." "They're boys for me." "We all love each other." "They were very good to me." "They helped me a lot." "You know I'm giving them a hand with their accountancy?" "Every now and then I do a client's hair." "It makes me feel good." "I feel that I'm useful." "That I'm good for something." "It must be good for you." "One can tell." "Yes." "I went through a terrible period." "Really terrible." "But I'm all right now." "I'm all right." "Dear old man:" "I'm writing to you just to make the "other one" jealous." "I've met a pal of yours who's come to Canada... a young doctor who admires you." "I do it mostly to keep my mind busy... and I like the company." "That's good." "He spoke so highly of you that I dreamt about you last night." "You rememberwhen you gave me that ambulance and the injection equipment?" "I dreamt that you were injured and that I saved your life." "I was very small and I was speeding in my ambulance." "I went through such anguish!" "You were dying and nobody did anything." "I don't make much, but it helps me, and it helps you too, of course..." "I had to save you." "If things had happened in another way..." "If things had happened differently in the country..." "What does Roberto say?" "He had a dream about me." "If I didn't believe in the purest..." "If I didn't believe in desire..." "If I didn't believe in what I believe..." "If I didn't believe in something pure..." "If I didn't believe in every wound..." "If I didn't believe in what goes round..." "If I didn't believe in what's behind becoming human in life." "If I didn't believe in he who listens..." "If I didn't believe in what is painful..." "If I didn't believe in what remains..." "If I didn't believe in what is struggling..." "What would it be..." "What would the sledgehammer be, without a quarry." "A mix up of strings and tendons..." "Ajumble of flesh and wood..." "An instrument without better brilliance than tiny lights set up for a stage." "What would it be, my heart, what would it be." "What would the sledgehammer be, without a quarry." "A figurehead for the traitor of applause..." "One who serves the past in new cups..." "What would it be, my heart, what would it be." "What would the sledgehammer be, without a quarry." "A perpetuator of the gods of decline..." "A rejoicing boiled with rag and spangle..." "What would it be, my heart, what would it be." "What would the sledgehammer be, without a quarry." "What would it be, my heart, what would it be." "BECOMING AWARE"