"I'm starved!" "How much longer, dad?" "Patience, brian." "[Gasps] oh!" "Patience." "Before we start, i've got to be sure" "The gas line is connected." "He's stalling." "He lost the instructions" "And couldn't get this thing started" "With a flame thrower." "Yeah, well, we'll see about that." "[Sighs]" "I'm afraid we can forget" "About cooking these spare ribs, willie." "Kate, this is a backyard blitzer." "It'll cook anything." "See what you can do with this." "There's no meat on these bones." "Stop!" "Stop right there." "I couldn't sit idly by" "And watch you people clog your arteries." "Sometimes i think i care too much." "Well..." "At least we've got the hamburgers." "You know, willie," "It--It kind of looks like it's gonna rain." "Well, it's just a few clouds." "It'll blow off any minute." "[Thunder]" "Any minute now." "The weather report said sunny skies." "[Thunder]" "And me without sun block." "Captioning made possible by lions gate home entertainment" "[Thunder]" "Well, do we have everything?" "Hamburgers, paper plates..." "I've got the vegetables and the potato salad." "I've got the buns and the coleslaw." "That's everything, kate." "Why do i get the feeling we forgot something?" "Nope." "That's everything." "[Metal clanking] willie!" "Oh, yeah." "He's pinned underneath the grill." "I didn't want to embarrass him" "By drawing undue attention to it." "[Grunts]" "Oh." "Oh, honey!" "You're drenched!" "Really?" "I hadn't noticed." "I was too busy flailing." "Are you all right?" "Yeah." "Yeah, i'll be fine." "[Loudly] no thanks to" "Oh, this is my fault." "Did you or did you not" "Knock the barbecue over on me" "When you were running into the house?" "Oh, that." "That was my fault." "Willie, get out of those clothes right away" "Before you catch a cold." "You too, kids." "Ok." "You don't catch cold from going out in the rain, kate." "That's an old wives' tale." "Hence kate's knowledge of it." "There's a reason old wives get to be old wives." "They stay warm and dry." "No, i was just reading an article about that" "In one of my scientific journals." "It said that volunteers who were subjected" "To rapid temperature changes" "And cold water did not catch cold." "Ah-Choo!" "Gesundheit." "I told you, honey." "You're catching a cold." "No!" "Nonsense, kate." "One sneeze does not a cold make." "Ah-Choo!" "Just out of curiosity," "How many sneezes does a cold make?" "Have some soup." "You'll feel better." "Thanks." "[Sighs]" "I really appreciate the way you've been putting up with me." "Oh, you can't help it." "You're a man." "I'll just ignore that." "But thanks, though." "I have enjoyed the peace and quiet." "Alf: yo!" "Willie!" "When i could get it." "[Sighs]" "I'll get you some more tissues." "Willie, you're a whiter shade of pale." "As a matter of fact, i'm feeling a lot better." "Oh, good!" "You could have taken a turn for the worse," "Developed pneumonia," "Ended up in box city," "Left us with nothing but kate's shaky career in real estate." "Does the phrase "thin ice" mean anything to you?" "No." "You know, i think i ought to call the office." "Maybe i could squeeze in 1/2 day" "No." "No, you need your rest." "You stay right where you are." "Really?" "I mean, you get to lie around all day, eat, watch tv." "How many people get to do that?" "I said "people."" "Ah-Choo!" "What was that?" "What was what?" "You sneezed." "I did not." "Ah-Choo!" "Ah-Choo!" "I think you've caught my cold." "Impossible." "I told you before, melmackians never get sick." "Only inferior, backwards species get sick." "No offense." "Just to be on the safe side," "You better go upstairs and lie down." "Ok, but i'll need the microwave," "The tv, the v.C.R.," "And police academies i, ii, iii, and vi." "Iv and v lacked the pathos" "And emotional underpinnings of the others." "Kate!" "He's back!" "But it's lonely upstairs." "Besides, i have to scream 4 or 5 times" "Before kate hears me from up there." "I heard you the first time." "I was changing the baby." "Into what?" "Make him go." "Make him go." "Make him go." "[Whining] oh, can't i stay here with you, please?" "Please, please, please, please, please?" "You know, alf..." "I was predisposed" "To kick you right out of here," "But when you started whining..." "You know, willie," "It would be a lot easier for me" "If you'd let alf stay in here for a while." "What?" "!" "Oh!" "All right." "Oh, thanks, honey." "Thanks, honey." "Say..." "Whatever happened" "To your celebrated immunity to illness, anyway?" "Well, i've been thinking about that." "Some melmackian scientists thought that our immunity" "Came from the pollen of this certain shrub in our diet." "Oh, really?" "Yeah." "We called it carl." "Carl shrub." "Stay on your side of the bed." "Boy!" "Willie?" "Willie?" "What?" "You have the feather pillow." "I have the foam." "I don't like foam." "You--Ah-Choo!" "You want my pillow?" "Not anymore." "Chocolate cake." "[Sighs]" "I'm gonna put in an order" "For chocolate cake." "You want anything?" "Leave her alone." "Leave the woman alone." "Are you sure you're not hungry?" "The brisket is very good today." "I can also personally recommend the canned beans." "[Sighs]" "Ah-Choo!" "Oh!" "Willie?" "Willie: now what?" "Could you come in here for a second?" "I'm busy, alf." "It's important." "[Sniffs]" "What is it?" "The pillow." "It's slipping down." "Ok?" "Needs some fluffing, too." "Anything else?" "Well, my feet could use some rubbing." "Alf, what you have is a cold." "It's not the plague." "It's not malaria." "It's not rocky mountain spotted fever." "And it will run its course." "Now, if you don't mind," "I'd like to go back to the kitchen" "And finish making dinner." "You're making dinner?" "Now i know for sure kate's trying to kill me." "Kate is at the store" "Filling a list of things you requested" "To help ease your suffering." "A small list of essentials." "[Door opens]" "Plus some reading material," "A few videotapes," "Aspirin," "A hyperbaric chamber..." "They were out of hyperbaric chambers." "Darn!" "Michael jackson must have gotten the last one." "Alf, aren't you carrying this thing a bit far?" "I mean, it's been over a week." "Surely, you must be feeling better now." "I'm not." "If anything, i'm feeling worse." "My earlobes are starting to hurt." "You know, someone who didn't know you" "Might think you were just milking this." "[Coughs]" "And so might someone who did know you." "Time to take your temperature, alf." "Oh, goody." "Now, let's see if we can keep it in your mouth a little longer this time." "Ah-Choo!" "Good!" "You beat your old record by 3 seconds." "Here are the books you wanted, alf." "How are you feeling?" "Like someone stuffed gerbils up my nose." "You sound awful." "Nice touch, alf." "Don't encourage him." "Willie." "But i really am feeling worse." "My cold ran its course in a week." "Isn't it interesting that yours is hanging on so long?" "Look at this nose, willie." "There's enough room in there" "For the viruses to start their own republic." "In fact, i think i hear their vice president speaking." "[Blows nose]" "Feel his head, willie." "Wha" "He's not" "Oh, my..." "My--He--He is." "He's burning up." "Actually, i'm having a cold flash right now." "I'm sorry, alf." "I--I feel terrible." "Oh!" "I wish i felt that good." "[Sniffs]" "I'll get you some lunch." "[Coughs]" "[Sniffs]" "I just had a horrible thought." "Did you ever see that movie war of the worlds?" "A long time ago, why?" "Do you remember what happened to the aliens" "When they were exposed to earth's bacteria?" "You don't think..." "I don't know, kate." "I just..." "Don't know." "Alf: ah-Choo!" "Anybody got a spatula?" "[Coughs]" "[Blowing nose]" "Oh, hello, dr." "Cramer." "This is willie tanner." "Well, i'm fine." "Fine." "I mean-- [Coughs]" "I'm not so good, actually." "Well, i--I'm-- Alf: ah-Choo!" "I'm sneezing." "[Alf coughs]" "And i'm coughing." "Alf: willie!" "My massage!" "And i'm very demanding." "Uh, well, that's what i thought, too," "But it's been going on now for such a long time," "That, i don't know, is there something going around" "That i should know about?" "Oh!" "I see." "Well, thank you, then." "Thank you very much, doctor." "All right." "Good-Bye." "What--What did he say?" "He said there's something going around." "The man's a genius." "I'm making alf some soup." "It's his favorite." "Cream of pizza." "Alf's getting worse, isn't he?" "Well..." "Can't you give him some aspirin?" "A flintstones or something?" "I think we should give him a couple of more days," "And if he doesn't show some signs of improvement," "Then we're gonna have to risk taking him to a doctor." "Ah-Choo!" "[Sniffs]" "Kate!" "Willie!" "Everybody!" "Look what i found." "Whoa!" "[Thud]" "Alf!" "No..." "I'm all right." "Just a little woozy." "[Sniffs]" "Look." "It's a picture of carl." "Now he's delirious, willie." "That's a picture of a plant." "Carl." "Carl!" "No, kate." "Carl is the name the melmackians gave" "To the shrub that gave them their immunity." "It looked kind of like this." "Ragweed?" "Oh..." "I don't know, alf," "But i don't think that will help." "Ohh!" "[Thud]" "But it's worth a try." "[Whispering] be quiet or trevor and raquel will hear you." "Look!" "Do you think it's actually possible" "That they're trying to raise ragweed?" "[Whispering] are you all right?" "No!" "What?" "Shh!" "Trevor:" "who's there?" "Come on out of there!" "I got a hoe!" "Hi, trevor!" "Willie." "Was that you?" "Yeah." "It's me, all right." "Hi, trevor." "Kate." "We thought you guys were a burglar." "You could have been hoed." "Uh..." "You see, trevor," "Uh..." "We thought we'd come over" "And weed your backyard." "It was, uh..." "Uh, yeah." "We saw the other day that you had" "Quite a problem with ragweed here," "And so, we thought, "why not help out?" "Why not just help out old trevor and raquel?"" "Mm-Hmm." "Yeah." "Trevor." "He says they're here to weed our garden." "Oh, please." "Oh!" "Willie!" "What is it, alf?" "Could you turn the air conditioning up?" "It's like an oven in here." "It's up as high as it will go, alf!" "The ragweed's almost ready, alf." "What would i want ragweed for?" "You asked me to bake it for you!" "Oh, nice." "Yell at a sick alien." "We got the ice for the bathtub." "Oh, great." "I'm on my death bed." "You guys are having a keg party." "Alf, we got you the ice" "So that if your fever doesn't come down soon," "We can submerge you in it." "Up to my knees i'm ok." "If you get much higher, you're gonna hear" "One heck of a little richard impression." "We'll go put this ice in the bathtub, just in case." "Come on, bri." "Alf: oh!" "Get better or else." "Oh!" "I knew it would end like this." "A virus." "Kate." "Ragweed." "Stick with us, pal." "After we bake it, what do we do?" "Well..." "Some of us like to make brownies out of it" "And take them to stanley kubrick movies." "I don't think we have time for that." "I'll go check on the ragweed." "[Alf moans]" "Willie..." "Take off your roller skates." "Grab a pad." "Sit down." "I want to talk to you about a will, will." "I think it's only fair to tell you..." "I have a lot of debts." "Oh, alf!" "This isn't the time" "What kind of debts?" "Well, it's not on my head anymore." "What do i care?" "Now, shall we talk eternal sleep?" "I'm thinking a pyramid." "Nothing fancy." "Just a simple manmade wonder in the backyard" "Facing the galleria." "Hold on, pal!" "Eww!" "Eww!" "No!" "Where's the pesto?" "I can't eat chocolate turkey without pesto." "You put the last of the pesto" "In your chocolate ragweed, remember?" "Don't remind me." "Getting that cold was the most humiliating experience of my life." "Made me feel almost..." "Human." "A grizzly fate." "At least you're better now." "Yeah." "And the upside is," "I've decided to market my ragweed cold cure." "You know, like amway?" "Only, i'll call my company chumway." "You'll be my first employee, willie." "You'll love the dental plan!" "Ragweed won't work on earth people." "In fact, ragweed makes many of us sick." "Oh." "You're fired." "All right." "You take the coleslaw." "I'll take the salad." "Today, we finally get to use our backyard blitzer." "I got the barbecue lit." "Specifically, the wheels." "[Coughs]" "Captioning made possible by lions gate home entertainment"