"Previous on Boston Legal." " I believe Rachel's using again." " What proof do you have?" "She asked to borrow $40." "Crystal meth users live their lives in $40 increments." "I want you to find out if my daughter is using drugs again." "What time do you get off work?" "She's sweet, beautiful." "Nothing rattles her, even when she lost hear." "T. M. card." " What are you talking about?" " Rachel lost hear." "T. M. card, so I loaned her 40 bucks." " You have a child." "A child!" " You bastard!" "I'm helping Melissa, who seems to have fallen into a black hole of debt." "Vey black." "Melissa Hughes?" "Uh, why?" "Are you Melissa Hughes?" "Alan?" "These people are looking for a Melissa Hughes." " They have guns." " What's going on?" "Can we see some identification, please?" "Do I have to do that?" "Don't I have the right to not incriminate myself?" "Could we start with you identifying yourselves?" "I'm Special Agent Joseph Reynolds with the U. S. Treasury Department." "This is Special Agent Thomas Leahy, also with the Treasury Department." " Are you Melissa Hughes?" " All right." " Please put your hands behind your back, Miss Hughes." " What?" "I asked before." "I'll do so again." "What is going on?" "This woman is under arrest for evasion of federal income taxes." "You have the right to remain silent." "Anything you say can be used in a court of law." " You have the right to speak to an attorney." " I'm her attorney." "We'll waive Miranda." "There's no need to take her into custody." "I'll surrender her myself at her arraignment." "I'm sorry, sir." "Let's go, ma'am." " Hold on." "Did you just call me "ma'am"?" "You" " No talking, Melissa." "And don't be making any statements." "I'll be there as soon as I can." "Alan?" "Alan?" "I dreamt I had a three-way with Denny... and Denny." "Ugh!" "Good Lord!" "I wouldn't even want to dream that you just told me that." "This must be the way my subconscious is telling me..." "I need to get back out there and start dating again." "Well, then allow me to take advantage of your situation." "My nephew Michael just moved here from New York." "He's an investment banker with Price-Stearns, and he needs someone to show him around." " Shirley, you're my boss." " And you're coming up for partner soon." "So it's one of those lose-lose situations." "Fine." "Give me his number." "Morning, Shirley." "Denise!" "Hi, Denny." "You dreamt we had sex together." "How did you know?" "You mean I'm right?" "I ask everybody that." "You're the first person who ever said yes." "Uh, Shirley, could we talk for a second?" "It's rather important." "Oh, yeah." "Dinner?" "Rachel is using again." "Found a crystal meth kit in her bathroom." "I'm so sorry." "I've decided to do an intervention." "I see no other alternative but to get her into a facility." " And Fiona?" " I'll assume custody until Rachel is well." " Legally, Social Services" " I cannot allow for that." "Are you looking for my counsel here, Paul, or simply informing me?" "I guess a little of both." "There's a private investigation company... that specializes in these matters." "I've already contacted them." "You sure this is what you want to do?" "There's a child involved." "What choice do I have, other than going to the police?" "I'm not sure I can get you out of this." "Can't you just make one of those really, really long speeches... like you did with my credit card thingy?" "This is a little bit more serious than not paying your credit card bills." "Oh, come on." "I can't be the first person to forget to pay her taxes." "You sent the form back with a note saying, "Stick it. "" "I was extremely close to my grandfather." "I'm sure you feel you've just explained things." "He served in World War Il." "I mean, he was such a proud American." "And I just started thinking how embarrassed he would be by what's happening today." "What's happening?" "Us torturing people, spying on our own people, squashing everybody's civil liberties." "My grandfather would weep." "It makes me weep." "Melissa, you need to change the channel." "The awful things you speak of never happen on the fair and balanced newscasts." "416_5." "The United States versus Melissa Hughes." "Violation of Internal Revenue Code 76" "Alan Shore for Miss Hughes, Your Honor." "I believe we can waive reading." "And in fact, since the total amount is around $400..." "I would submit that my client simply pay it together with late penalties... and we can dispose of this whole matter." "The government's not interested in a deal, Your Honor." "The defendant didn't just fail to pay her taxes." "She wrote "Stick it" on a Post-it and attached it to her returns." "Your Honor, it's quite simple." "When my client filed her taxes... she inadvertently mailed the Post-it note she had written to herself... as a reminder to stick_ the check in the mail." "What is this jibber-jabber?" "I don't like jibber-jabber in my courtroom." "Oh, my goodness." "Your client stands accused oaf federal crime." " Do you want a trial, Mr. Shore?" " Immediately." " Mr. Shapiro?" " The government stands ready." "OO a. m. tomorrow." "And I would ask counsel to check his sense of humor at the door." "My courtroom is a temple of decorum... and I do not tolerate jibber-jabber!" "OO!" "It's almost 3:" "OO now, so I'd like to wait until tomorrow." "I want to do this while Fiona is at school." "How do you know the school will release Fiona to you?" "Rachel authorized me last week when I picked her up." "Do not expect my daughter to just go along for the ride." "She will resist you with everything she's got." "Thank you." "Thank you, sir." "Brad, should the police come asking questions..." "I would count on your support on the justification issue." "Paul, I'll do what I can, but I can't really support justification." "I beg your pardon?" "Well, what could I tell the police?" "That I saw her not taking drugs?" "That she took me to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting?" "I'm counting on your support, and I will get it." "I did not see a person on drugs." "I'm sorry." " Yes?" "Michael Resize is here." "Um, send him back." " Hi." " Hi, Michael." "Well, it's nice to meet you." "Shirley's told me so much about you." "_eon." "Giggity-giggity." "Beg pardon?" "Shirley, when you told me your nephew was sweet... somehow, in his mind, that was synonymous with horny." "Oh, lovely." "Okay." "Call me back." " Evening, Officer." " Evening." "License and registration, please." "I missed it." "When did they make a left turn on red legal in Massachusetts?" " Did I do that?" " Uh-huh." "You know, it's been a really stressful day." "I'm" " I'm an attorney at Crane, Poole  Schmidt." "Why are you telling me that?" "You think that's going to influence me or something?" "That doesn't seem right." "Hmm" " I" " I didn't" " I'm sorry." "No." "I made a mistake." "Officer, why don't you just give me a ticket, and we'll call it a night?" "Now, that was the right thing to say." "I'm going to let you off with a warning this time." "Really?" "Oh, thank you so much." "This-This is the first good thing to happen to me all day." "Same here." "We've stipulated as to your noncompliance." " The only testimony to be taken would be yours." " Okay." "I'll take one last shot at settling it." "Actually, I've decided I want to continue with the trial." " Sorry?" " I think it's what my grandfather would want." "Oh, you've got to be kidding me." "Please, stop talking about your grandfather." "But" "Melissa, the prosecution is looking to make a point." "You could go to jail for a long time." " Are you listening to me?" " Hmm?" "Yeah." "You get to go and fight battles for things you believe in every day... and it is so... admirable." "I've never really stood up for anything." "I know it sounds all stars and stripy, but my grandfather" "I'm sorry, but he did." "He talked about the America he fought for." "Now I want to fight for it." "Okay, first offal- and I think your grandpa would agree with me- there's nothing more American than paying your taxes." "I want to have my day in court." "At the risk of having your day in prison?" "Hmm." "You wanna bone me up?" " I beg your pardon?" " For my testimony?" "Shouldn't you prep me?" "You seem prepped." "You okay?" "My head hurts." "Let's get to court." " Ms. Bauer, your messages." " Denise." "I'm" " I'm sorry." "And for the record, he's not horny around me." "It's okay." "I met someone else, and the night took a whole other twist." "He's a police officer and a real gentleman." " You slept with him." " I did not!" " You did too." " I did not!" " Denise." " Maybe a little." " You slut." " I have a really good feeling about this one." "Well, then you can send your thank-you notes to me and Michael." "This is Denise." "Hi." "It's me." "Hey, you." "It's him." "A next-day caller." " Oh!" " What's up?" "Listen, uh, I was wondering if you could meet me down at the police station." "Um, sure." "I get off for lunch around noon." "Uh, I don't know if can make lunch." " Why not?" " I have been arrested." "What?" "What for?" "Impersonating a police officer." "I've always believed the United States was not only the strongest county... but also the most moral one." "And so, naturally that's what prompted you to tell them to stick it?" "I just felt so embarrassed." "Embarrassed?" "Over" "Well, I guess first, the whole weapons of mass destruction thing." "Now, maybe we lied, maybe we made a mistake." "But either way, as goofs go, to start a war?" "Hello!" "It embarrassed you?" "Didn't it you?" "Didn't it you?" " Objection." " Miss Hughes, please do not address the jury." "Okay." " It seems as though you oppose the war." " Actually, I don't." "If the government had said, "We need to do anything to get rid of Saddam"..." "I would've said, "Let's roll. "" "And if we had apologized after making such a humongous gaffe with the whole weapons thingy..." "I'm sure I could've accepted that too." "But instead, we were so arrogant." "It was embarrassing." "Yes." "Anything else?" "Torture." "Our military tortured prisoners." "Aren't we supposed to be the county that stands for human rights?" " I mean, doesn't it just make you want to hide?" " Miss Hughes!" "And spying." "We spy on our own citizens now?" "All this to fight terrorists because they're a threat to freedom as we know it?" "I mean, talk about burning down the barn to kill the rats." "Am I the only one embarrassed by this?" "What about the military, Miss Hughes?" "Have our soldiers embarrassed you?" "I've always been as proud of our troops as I am grateful." "Now, I believe you said that you're actually for the war." " I guess you'd be for winning it?" " Of course." "Well, what chance do you think we'd have of victory if people started not paying their taxes?" "Not good." "But I guess if you're ashamed enough to be an American, it's okay." "She never said she was ashamed tube." "She said she was embarrassed do." "A distinction often missed by those who confuse dissent for disloyalty." " Mr. Shore, sit down." " I am sitting." "Okay, you got me." " There he goes again." " There I go again!" "Stop with the jibber-jabber!" "The issue here is, did she pay her taxes?" "She didn't." "You be quiet, Mr. Shore." "And Mr. Shapiro, sit down while you're ahead." "We will have closing arguments, and then the jury will rule." "And then I will give my sentence." "A small point, Judge." "You probably shouldn't indicate to the jury you expect a sentencing." " I could be wrong." " Enough jibber-jabber!" "May I come in?" "I feel horrible about how it ended the other day." "Well, gee." "It's just if you're using crystal meth" "Rachel, what I know about you- or I should say suspect- is that you really don't want to eliminate drugs from your life." "You want to be able to manage them." "Nice talking to you, Dad." "I would like you to check yourself into rehab." " Fine." "I'll think about it." "Thanks for" " You have a daughter." "You know, sometimes being there is more important than being sober." " What the hell is this?" " You're going into rehab, Rachel." "Are you out of your mind?" "Miss Lewiston, we're doing this easy or we're doing this hard." "Well, let's do it easy then." "Screw you." " And screw you!" "What?" "Get your hands off me!" " Ma'am." "Ma'am." "Get your-What are you doing?" "This is my house!" " What is this, Dad?" "Daddy, make 'em stop!" " Rachel." "Get her out of here." "Let go of him." " Daddy, make them take their hands off me!" " Rachel!" " Get her out the door." " Get them off me!" "Let go of me!" "Let go!" "Let go!" "Let... go of me!" "So... have you been doing this for a long time?" "Just... a few years." "It's just you drive around and you see people... behaving so irresponsibly, so rudely." "Speeding and cutting people off." "running red lights... like there are no rules!" "One time I just pulled a guy over and straightened him out." "All I do is warn people." "I just want to help keep the public safe and law-abiding." "So you're like a hall monitor for the world?" "But that has nothing to do... with what happened between us." "That was real." "You're a special person, Denise." "Most women would be put off with the idea of dating a policeman." "You are not a policeman." "I will be your attorney, but that's all." "That's all." "I'll see you in court." "Whatever feelings you have for me now, you have to know" "Where's Fiona?" "She's with me." "She's doing well." " I want to see her." " I'll bring her." "This person, this Brad Chase, is he a P. I.?" "Does he work for you?" "He's a lawyer who works for me." " Well, he's a lawyer in need of lawyer." "I'm suing him." " On what grounds?" "Invasion of privacy, infliction of emotional distress." "My attorney made a whole list." "You have a lawyer." "Have you moved for a temporary restraining order?" "No." "She's allergic to soy and wheat if she has too much." "Make sure to minimize sugar." "No soft drinks." "Stay away from the processed foods." "I like to keep it organic." "Stay away from the processed foods." "I like to keep it organic." "There's a list other favorite foods, her school, friends for playmates, her pediatrician." "There's numbers for each." "She functions best on routine, so stick to it." "You tell her..." "I'm in the hospital." "You don't tell why." "And bring her here." "Good-bye, Dad." "Melissa, you could vowel go to prison." "Yeah." "You'll visit me, right?" "You going to make one of those really long speeches?" "They're so hot." "I can stand up and argue just about any case... but the long shots- of which this is one- are different." "Those I need to somehow believe in." "And unfortunately, what I believe here... is that you broke the law." "Well, then I guess between now and the time you jump up... you're going to have to find something' to believe in." "Why, Alan?" "That's all I'm going to ask." "Why?" "Some people see things as they are and ask why." "Others see things as they never were and claim "mad cow. "" "Do you have any idea what would happen... if all the little people stopped paying their taxes?" "The rich people would have to start paying theirs?" "Exactly!" "This is personal." "You're jeopardizing my loopholes." "What's this all about?" "Talk to me." "It's about civil disobedience, Denny." "It's about anarchy." "It's about" "the girl." "I have a completely inexplicable, unwarranted... small, but embarrassing crush on the girl." " That girl?" " She's... fruity chewing gum... shopping malls and sexy sweatpants and" "Whereas I'm... not." "I have no intention of acting on it." "Nor do I regard it as anything more than a moment's passing fancy." "But as moments go" "My head hurts." "Evidently she is not challenging the commitment." " I don't know why." " Maybe she can't afford a lawyer." "Oh, she's got a lawyer." "She's suing you." " Me?" " I don't really think she has cause olfaction or" "Paul, what is she suing me for?" "Brad, I apologize for putting you in the middle offal this." "But, well, as, uh, this plays out..." "I would appreciate you protecting my relationship with her if you can." "What about my relationship with her?" "You have one?" "Well, not really." "I just don't like being the bad guy here." "Well, let's just tee to repair this... for everybody's sake." "Especially hers." "I heard a rumor I was being sued." "Your father asked me to find out if his daughter was using drugs." "I didn't betray anyone's trust... because at the time that I accepted his request, I didn't know you." "Now, as for the person I came to know" "A person whose trust you cultivated." "I didn't betray her." "I told your father that I did not see you using..." "I did not see an unfit parent, and I did not support his intervention." "What a guy." "I'm still suing." "No, you're not." "Because any action filed would put the Department of Social Services on notice... and right now everything is private... which is how you want it." "That's why you're not moving for T. R. O. You're not suing anybody." "I'm not moving for a restraining order because I belong here." "I'm a drug addict." "I'm staying here because I want to get well so I can get my daughter back." "You can go now." "Look, I'm sorry that everything" "Well, that makes it all better." "What wasn't a lie was how much I enjoyed meeting you." "I think, well, as fares drug addicts go, you're a really nice person." "Well, that is so sweet." "Can I have 40 bucks?" "Drug addict humor." "Very good." "Tell my father to bring Fiona." "Docket number 4175- Commonwealth versus Scott Warner." "One count, impersonating a police mocker." "You've heard the charges before you." "How do you plead?" " Your Honor, not" " Guilty!" "Your Honor, that's, uh, not not guilty." " That's guilty." " What is going on?" "Your Honor, if I may have a moment to confer with my client." " Who" " Denise, I have to do this." "Sir, I believe in rules." "Scott" "And as much as I hate to admit it, I broke the rules." "Mr. Warner, do you realize that by pleading guilty... you waive your constitutional rights... and I may impose upon you any sentence up to and including the maximum?" "I understand completely, Your Honor." "Fine." "The defendant is remanded until sentencing." "Well, I guess I'll see you in a few hours at the hearing." "It's a few hours too many as far as this fell goes." "I'm such a loser." "Clearly she committed a crime." "Clearly she committed a crime." "She didn't pay her taxes." "The only question is, will you hold her accountable?" "Now, no doubt, Mr. Shore will tee to paint her as some kind of activist hero." "But she is no hero, folks." "At a time when freedom has never been more precarious in this county... for her to refuse her civic and legal duty to pay her taxes... while we have soldiers dying over there... this woman's deliberate action... is as unpatriotic, as un-American as it is illegal." "This is the cut-and-run behavior oaf coward." "Don't you dare declare hear hero." "When the weapons of mass destruction thing turned out not to be true..." "I expected the American people to rise up." "Well, they didn't." "Then, when the Abu Grab torture thing sum aced... and it was revealed that our government participated in rendition... a practice where we kidnap people... and turn them over to regimes who specialize in torture..." "I was sure then the American people would be heard from." "We stood mute." "Then came the news that we jailed... thousands of so-called terrorist suspects... locked them up without the right to a trial, or even the right to confront their accusers." "Certainly we would never stand for that." "We did." "And now it's been discovered the executive branch... has been conducting massive, illegal domestic surveillance... on its own citizens- you and me." "And I at least consoled myself that finally- nod/_- the American people will have had enough." "Evidently we haven't." "In fact, if the people of this county have spoken... the message is, we're okay with it all." "Torture, warrantless search and seizures... illegal wiretappings... prison without a fair trial, or any trial... war on false pretenses" "We as a citizenry are apparently not offended." "There are no demonstrations on college campuses." "In fact, there's no clear indication that young people even seem to notice." "Well, Melissa Hughes noticed." "Now, you might think instead of withholding her taxes..." "Now, you might think instead of withholding her taxes... she could have protested the old-fashioned way- made a placard and demonstrated... at a presidential or vice-presidential appearance." "But we've lost the right to that as well." "The Secret Service can now declare free-speech zones... to contain, control, and in effect criminalize protest." "Stop for a second and tee to fathom that." "At a presidential rally, parade or appearance... if you have on a supportive T-shirt, you can be there." "If you're wearing roaring something in protest, you can be removed." "Rhys in the United States of America!" "Rhys in the United States of America!" "Is Melissa Hughes the only one embarrassed?" "Mr. Shore, that's a chair for witnesses only." "Really long speeches make me so tired sometimes." " Please get out of the chair." " Actually, I'm sick and tired." "Get out of the chair." "And what I'm most sick and tired of... is how every time... somebody disagrees with how the government is running things... he or she is labeled un-American." " Evidently it's speech time." " And speech in this county is free, you hack." "Free for me, free for you... free for Melissa Hughes to stand up to her government and say, "Stick it!"" " Objection!" " I object to government abusing its power... to squash the constitutional freedoms obits citizenry." "God forbid anybody challenge it." "They're smeared as being a heretic." "Melissa Hughes is an American." "Melissa Hughes is an American." "Melissa Hughes is an American!" "Mr. Shore, unless you have anything new and fresh to say... please sit down." "You've breached the decorum of my courtroom with all this hooting." "Last night, I went to bed with a book." "Not as much fun as a 29-year-old... but the book contained a speech beadle Stevenson." "The year was 1952." "He said, "The tragedy of our day..." ""is the climate offer in which we live." ""And fear breeds repression." ""Too often sinister threats to the Bill of Rights, to freedom of the mind... are concealed under the patriotic cloak faint-Communism. "" "Today, it's the cloak faint-terrorism." "Stevenson also remarked..." ""It's far easier to fight for principles than to live up to them. "" "I know we are all afraid." "But the Bill of Rights- we have to live up to that." "We simply must." "That's all Melissa Hughes was trying to say." "She was speaking for you." "I would ask you now to go back to that room and speak for her." "Before I hand down my sentence, does the defendant wish to say anything?" "Your Honor... while impersonating an officer is a serious offense... my client's intentions were sound, he never harmed anyone... and he has accepted full responsibility for what he has done." " He's also vey contrite." " Thank you." "I hereby sentence Scott Warner to 600 hours of community service." "If may be heard, Your Honor." " Scott" " If it please the court... as you well know..." "I have already performed 600 hours of community service... while on patrol." "You must feel it yourself." "Your Honor." "Our society over the past decade has become ruder and ruder." "Breaking rules, cursing, driving recklessly." "Some are calling it an epidemic." "And I believe, as do experts... that it is a symptom of the growing social isolation that we all feel." "Your Honor, I'm just one guy out there... asking people to be more courteous." "But what if this were Utopia... and we all did it?" "Wouldn't that be something?" "I mean, wouldn't that be just great?" "Uh, so, while I will gladly take any sentence you see fit... as I respect you, Your Honor..." "I would ask you to reconsider my sentence." "I will." "Three months in prison and 1200 hours of community service." "That was a lovely, moving speech." " Wait for me?" " Absolutely not." " If were to appeal, would you handle it?" " Absolutely not." "So this is good-bye?" "Definitely." "Okay." "Okay, that was assault." "Good-bye, Denise." "Will the defendant please rise." "Mr. Foreman?" "The jury has reached a unanimous verdict?" "Yeah, Judge." "Guilty." "Wait till I ask you." "Now what say you?" "Suspense is killing me." "We, the jury, find the defendant, Melissa Hughes, guilty as charged." "Great." "Miss Hughes, the jury has found you guilty of federal income tax evasion." "Permission to be heard on sentencing, Judge." "Stop your hooting!" "I'm in no mood for any more of your jibber-jabber." "The court fines Miss Hughes $1, OOO... and sentences her to 30 days in prison, suspended." "Adjourned." "30 days in prison?" "Suspended, Melissa." "Jibber-jabber gave you no jail time." "Oh." "That's good." "It's very good." "Hi!" "Oh, honey." "Are you feeling better?" "I'm feeling much better." "Oh, it's so good to see you." "Are you coming home soon?" "I'm coming home real soon, honey." " How are you?" " Fine." " Grandpa gave me ice cream." " Uh, organic." " And grilled cheese." " Uh, whole grain." " And Brad played monkey with me." " Oh!" "I bet he's a big ape." "Will you give me and Fiona some special time?" "Sure." "Thank you." " Wave good-bye to the big ape." " Bye, big ape." "Oh, sweetheart." "Oh, honey." "Here we go!" "Whoa!" "Thank you." "You're quite welcome." "Maybe we should, um... celebrate over dinner." "Melissa... pay your taxes." "That's about as far as you should go." "She just kissed you?" "Mm-hmm." "Is she coming over later to guard you against night terrors?" "No." " I told you I'm not going to pursue it." " Why not?" "Are you depressed because you lost?" " I didn't lose." " She was found guilty." "She didn't get any jail time." "That's an empiric victory." "Oh." "Suddenly you're in favor of emperors." "The truth is out." " Humph." " That's all he wants to be, Alan." " An emperor?" " Damn right." "You know what I miss most about our county, Denny?" "Not the loss of our civil rights so much as... our r com pass I on, our soul, our hum facility." "No, no." "Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh." "Soul." "That's a religious thing." "State, church." "It's unconstitutional for the United States to have a soul." "Apparently." "We seem to be becoming a mean people." "Learned Hand once said, "Liberty lies in our hearts." "And once it dies there, no constitution can save it. "" "Just once I wish you'd quote a Republican." "I want a kinder and gentler nation." "Nothing quite so optimistic as a kiss from an idealistic girl." "Who the hell said that?" " I did." " Oh." "It's strange, isn't it... how love supersedes everything that goes wrong." "I still remember the first time Bev let me go "parceling. "" "That's like when you go snorkeling with your" "I follow." "Sometimes I close my eyes and I can still see her there." "Right there." "Love trumps all." "Love... trumps all." "You stinker!"