"THE ROSÉ CURSE" "Gosh..!" " What do you think?" " It looks good." "A couple of Swedes have just asked for my autograph." "Otherwise it's Americans and Germans..." "Lots of action." " How are you holding up?" " Fine." "Just fine." " Sad story." " Well, we both knew it." "I told Iben, "Let's have a break."" " Timeout, you know." " For how long?" "I could stay here forever." "They've got a restaurant, a buffet..." "Would you like a d rink?" "Whisky, please." "The most expensive one." "What about you?" " A glass of rosé wine, please." " Yes..." "I see." " Why do you order rosé?" " Don't they have it?" "Yes, of course." "But it's a really gay drink." "If they think I'm sitting here with a gay man " " I'll be shrouded in a sort of homosexual aura." "These are my hunting grounds." "Thanks." "Could I have a brochure of the hotel, please?" "I'm planning to invite my partner for a hot date weekend here, you see." " Alright." "Just a moment." " That's that sorted." " Cheers." " There you are." "Couldn't you have told him that your partner is a girl?" "They've got dried pineapple, Frank." "Up here." " These are good." " I'm just crazy about pineapple." " It's because you're pregnant." " I've never liked it before." " What hotel is Casper staying at?" " Hilton out by the airport." " The fancy one?" " Oh yes." "It's deluxe." " Isn't he upset?" " No, I don't think so." " Don't you talk about it?" " Yeah." "But he had a free minibar." " Has he started drinking?" " Not more than usual." "Hi, Andreas." "Hi." " Tell him I've got cancer." " I'll hurry home." "I'm sorry." "Go into the little shed if you're cold." "I'll come straight away." " He's been waiting for 15 minutes." " Typical of him to call and say." "I'll go home." "Can you do the shopping?" " Yes." "What do we need?" " Some dessert and some munchies." " Bye, sweetie." " And don't mention anything..." "About the pregnancy?" "No, no." " I won't talk to him at all." " Stop that." " Hi, darling." " Hi, Andreas." "That's the shopping done." " Hi, Andreas." " Hi." "How are you?" " Fine." "And you?" " Fine as well..." " Frank, what is this?" " It's the stuff you asked me to buy." "Honestly..." "You've bought all the wrong stuff." " I must have taken the wrong basket." " Frank, that's just..." "No need to get upset." "I'm doing my best." "It would be a different story if I'd taken the wrong pram." "Pram?" "Are you pregnant?" "That's just terrific!" "We didn't want to say anything yet." "It's still early times." "So it works after all!" "We want to keep it a secret, just in case." " You bought pork scratchings." " Just throw it out." " You bought pork scratchings." " Just throw it out." "I don't eat those things." "You know that." "Because of the Jewish thing?" "But you're only married to a Jew." "I follow the Jewish rules of eating to the letter." "Let's find something else that we can eat." "DANISH ACCOUNTANTS" " Hi, Kurt." " Hi, Frank." "Have a seat." "The tax office want a meeting." "They want to see the receipts." " Any problems with the accounts?" " No, not at all." "But they're quite interested in your clothing expenses." "You've got that expensive suit, for example." "The important thing is to say that you only use it on stage." "I do." "It's a chequered suit." "I would never use it for private parties." "No, I wouldn't either." "But it's extremely important to say that." "You can't mix private expenses with business expenses." "Yes?" "Mr. Moussa!" " Have you got a minute?" " Of course." "Good to see you." "It's the Islamic Society." "Would you mind waiting outside?" "There's coffee out there." "It'll take two minutes, tops." "We'll look at your stuff afterwards." "I'll just put it over here." "Come in." " It's only two minutes." "Please." " I'll time you." "Sit down, please." "They're good." "Did you get thrown out as well?" " Are you ready, Kurt?" " Hey!" "What did you give my son?" " Pork scratchings." " He's a Muslim, you idiot!" " Why does he eat them, then?" " He doesn't know what it is." " What's the problem?" " We're leaving." "Mr. Moussa?" "Mr. Moussa!" "That was incredibly dumb." "The Islamic Society are my biggest customer." " I didn't know he was a Muslim." " It's just absurd!" "I thought he was from Spain." " Hi, Claire." " Hi, Frank." " What's all this?" " It's Iben." "She's sending me all this useless stuff from home." "Is she trying to terrorise you?" "We had these in the corridor." "I can't use them now." "It's all being picked up." "If there's anything you want just take it." " Just put it outside." " I'd like this, actually." "Frank?" "What are you doing?" "You're not hiding something, are you?" "No, no." "I'm just hoarding a pram for later." " Come here." " What?" "No." "Come here!" "Let me feel it..." " Did it work?" " It might have." " Jesus..." "Claire!" " No, Casper." "It's a secret." "Frank is going to be a dad!" " Congratulations, Frank." " Thank you." " Yeah, it's cool." " Let me help you out there." "It's the chemotherapy." "But I'm cured now." "Yeah, that's super." "I'm going to be a dad!" " Can I tell Hjortshøj?" " No!" "Don't tell that tongue wagger." "He thinks he's Jewish just because he married a Jew." " What if I pretended to be black?" " It's my family, you know." "I'm constantly telling myself, "Frank, don't shout at Andreas."" "Constantly." ""Easy, Frank..."" "But then he said that thing about the pork scratchings." "I'm going to the loo." "Frank?" "Can I have a quick word?" "I'd like to ask you something, and I'd like a straight answer." " Are you okay with me being here?" " What do you mean?" "I get the feeling that you don't like me being here." "No..." "I found this hotel brochure, and then it dawned on me..." "If you want me to move to a hotel, I'll go and pack now." " It wasn't meant for you." " You just left it out for no reason?" " You didn't have to pick it up." " Frank wants me to move to a hotel." " You're not going to a hotel." " No, I'd like to stay here." " But I don't think Frank likes Jews." " You're not Jewish, Andreas!" " You're just pretending to be." " Your attitude towards Jews is rude." " I don't have an attitude." " Just look at the pork scratchings." " Maybe you should go to a hotel." " It's almost Hitler-like." " You're not going anywhere." " I'd very much like to stay." "But I resent your anti-Semitic attitude." "Good night." "Good night, Andreas." "Frank, for Christ's sake..!" "TAX DEPARTMENT" "Frank, by the way..." "You remember Mr. Moussa?" " Couldn't you give him an apology?" " He threw a pork scratching at me." "He's from the Islamic Society." "They're my biggest customer." "No, I don't want to." "Say sorry from me." "I don't want to be involved in all that religious stuff." " Are you going to help me or what?" " No." "Come on." " There's a copy of the car log." " Yes." "It looks fine, actually." "And all the receipts are there." "The third item is the suit." "You only use it on stage?" "Yes." "I've deducted one chequered showbiz suit   which I'm using exclusively on stage." " You've never worn it in private?" " No." " Not even for fun?" " It sounds as if you don't agree?" " I think we do agree..." " You say you only use it on stage." "You're the only one who knows." "We'll have to take your word for it." " Why do you say that?" " Well, we're having this meeting." "And we have more meetings to come, you and I." "You want to link a meeting with Moussa to my suit?" "I went to this meeting with you." "You could do the same thing for me." "Frank..." " It all sounds a bit unclear to me." " No, no." " Okay, I'll go to the meeting." " I'll follow up on this." "If you saw that suit you'd know that he doesn't use it in private." "It was a really dirty trick the accountant pulled on me." "I would have been fine if he hadn't raised doubts about my suit." "I would have been fine if he hadn't raised doubts about my suit." " Mean bastard." " I'd like to sue his arse." " You can't trust the tax people." " No, not at all." "God, I feel old." "It's amazing that I can still get so much pussy!" " Did you pull again?" " Yes." "What..?" "You can't take it." "I don't want you to get a stiffy down here." " It takes more to impress me." " Have a guess." " Mette Lisby?" " Come on." "I'll give you a clue." "She was one of the best badminton players in the world." "Camilla Martin?" "Really?" " Now I'm getting a hard-on." " It was great." " Did you use a shuttle-cock, then?" " Oh yes." "I shot it straight in..." " She's got incredibly strong wrists." " She gave you a handjob?" "And I have to be stuck in a steady relationship..." "Well, it was just a one-off..." "I'm sorry." "I'd better come back later." " It's not my condom." " It's not mine, either." " It must be yours." " Of course it's mine, you jerk!" "I just wanted to clear away this whole gay atmosphere." " This is entirely your own fault." " I don't care about the condom." "But why didn't you act surprised when she found it?" ""Oh, you had sex with a nice girl? " Now the maid is out of the question." "You're standing like this..." "Look!" "I'm standing in a normal, masculine way." ""Someone's been shagging a real babe..." No one would fall for that." "I studied to be a vet, but I've never liked cows." "You can't kiss them and touch their tits at the same time." " Isn't it odd that..." " Hi." " I'm practising my jokes." " I just wanted to apologise." "I feel really bad about the things I said." "I know I overreacted." " I splashed out on scratch cards." " Oh, all of 20 kroner?" "You can win a million." "I bought two for Mia and myself as well." "Mia?" "Andreas has bought scratch cards for us." "Come here." " I love this." " Let's do it." " I've got two one hundreds." " I've got two ten thousands." "Let's see if I can get a million." " I've got three ten thousands!" " Can I see?" " It's true." " Frank, you won." "Congratulations!" "That's great." "That's 5000 for me and 5000 for you." "Straight down the pocket." "Let me take that..." "What do you mean?" "There's 10,000 here." "We'll share it. 5000 each." "That's the way you do it." " We didn't agree on that." " Those are the rules." "If I'd won a million, you would have had 500,000." "Now you get 5000." " Stop that." " Typical you!" "I say I'm sorry, I buy scratch cards, and then you don't want to share!" "I'm sorry." "Now he's being Jewish!" " Stop that now." " It's my scratch card." "He won't get a penny." "I'm off to work." "I thought we could have a nice evening, and then you ruin it." "I'm having a nice time, if that's any consolation." "God..." " He's completely lost it now." " Give him that scratchcard." "He gave it to me to apologise for his intolerable behaviour." " Give him the 5000 kroner." " No way." "He's not getting it." " Stop being so childish!" " He's not getting it." "End of story." "Could you go and stay at Casper's hotel tonight?" "You want me to move out?" "Why can't Andreas go to the hotel?" "Please." "I'll go out for dinner with Andreas, and you can do your show." " And enjoy the evening with Casper." " Okay." "I'm keeping the scratchcard." "That's all from me, folks." "Have a nice evening." " Cool show tonight." " Thanks a lot." "Why, good evening, Frank." "Nice to see you in your showbiz suit." "What are you going to wear when you go home?" "When you're on your way home it's not work anymore." "I have to wear something when I'm going home." "You can't deduct it, then." "Well, that's easily solved." "Good evening, sir." "Welcome." " I'd like a room, please." " Do you have a reservation?" " No." " I'm sorry." "We're fully booked." "My friend is staying in the President Suite." "Casper Christensen." "Could I stay with him?" "My name is Frank Hvam." " I'll go and call him." " Super." "Please hurry." "He says it's okay." "Have a nice time." "Breakfast is served." " Why are you groping me?" " I thought you were Mia." "You're not at home, damn it." "What a lousy signal to send!" "I don't want to get up when the day begins in such a crap way." "What's this?" "There's a Muslim in my home." " What are you on about?" " The accountant arranged it." " Can I borrow some clothes?" " Just help yourself." " What can I take?" " Anything." "Except the shirts." "I'm so g lad you came." "The atmosphere is really tense." "The accountant is here with some Muslim man, and Andreas..." "Andreas is there?" "Then the atmosphere must be just awful." "Frank?" "Could you please go and give him an apology?" "And listen to what he has to say." " I wish you'd informed me." " I would have liked to, but..." "Go up there and create a nice atmosphere." "Hello, Mr. Moussa." "There are two things in this:" "First, that you give the apology   which you said you would obviously give to Mr. Moussa." " We'll do that now." " Now?" "I'm sorry." "I can only accept it if you donate 5000 kroner to the Islamic Society." "Otherwise your apology isn't worth a damn thing." "Frank, the apology is accepted,   but it needs to be followed up by a donation of 5000 kroner." " Why is that?" " It's a sort of blood money." " They use that in the Islamic world." " I can say sorry again." " I don't think I owe anyone 5000." " This isn't about what you think." "This is about a world which you obviously don't understand." "But you have to understand it to get out of this." "Incidentally, you could end up paying much more." " I'm thinking of your tax return." " Alright." "I'll pay the money." "Excuse me." "If he gets 5000 kroner, I want my money as well." " Could we do that later?" " Why not now?" "He owes me 5000." " It's not a good time..." " If you get your money, I want mine." " I'd like you to stay out of this." " I'm sure you do." " But Frank owes me 5000 kroner." " I've got a scratch card for 10. 000." "Alright." "We'll go and sort it out." " I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize." " Easy now..." "I do!" "With the help of a scratch card I've united Muslims and Jews." "They've never been able to work it out themselves."