"I feel like Adam is putting on this really brave face for me, but the minute I leave tomorrow, he's just gonna fall apart." "Modern communication, we're gonna talk, like, 10 times tomorrow." "It's all good." "Smile, my honey." " I graduated today." " Welcome to the world." "I wanted to say that I'm sorry." "For, like, trying to manipulate you into being in a relationship with me again." "I'm her daughter." "You lied to the police and she could've died." "She's coming to live with me in Connecticut." "We are Desi and Marnie." "I think that I was just maybe threatened by the musical connection you guys share." "Well, I'm sorry." "You're pussying out right after you told me I need to come back to New York." " Do you want to go over the plan again?" " We'll take it day by day." "There's no need to create some drama." "Girls" " S04E02 Triggering" "[Music playing]" "  [bell chiming] - [chatter]" "12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17." "Okay, this place is huge." "How much did you say this is?" "It's 250." "A month." "It's got really great light." "Okay, what do you think I could get for, like, 800?" "I mean, two thumbs the fuck up." "Well... does that mean you want it?" "[Screams] [music playing]" "[birds chirping]" "[music continues] [chatter]" "[bell dings]" " Don't bother." " What?" "You're in Iowa." "No one locks their bike here." " Really?" " 100%." "Are you a first-year?" "Uh, no." "Me?" "I'm in graduate school." "Yeah, no, you don't look like an undergrad at all." "Sorry, bro." "Well, I mean, a lot of people think I am 19." "I get carded all the time and no one ever thinks I'm legal, like, in the bedroom." "I'm gonna break eye contact with you now." "Let's go get your materials." "Awesome." "Are you sure I can leave my bike?" "Hell, yeah." "This is Iowa." "Okay, this is my living room, which is really more like a lounging parlor." "This is my shelf of curiosities." "There's my Lubriderm." "This is my kitchen." "I'm sort of figuring out the decorative scheme." "Can you believe it just took me four minutes to show you my entire house?" "In New York it would've taken four seconds." "I'm telling you, Iowa's incredible." "We should all move here and start the revolution." "No one is moving to Iowa ever, but I'm so, so glad you're happy." " Seriously." " Honestly, I feel like I made the right decision, which is a totally new sensation for me." "I mean, I'm eating grapes as a snack." "I knew you would do it eventually." " How's New York?" " It's really good." "And don't start." "Don't start with what?" "I just know that you're gonna try to talk to me about Adam right now and you're gonna be subtle about it." "Don't start." "I'm not gonna tell you." "I didn't want to talk about Adam until you brought Adam up." " I mean, how is Adam?" " Oh, my God!" "Marnie, we talked about, like, 20 things first." "I just know that whatever I tell you is gonna make you act weird." "Marnie, I've 100% moved on, okay?" "I'm here, I'm totally at one with my body and my surroundings." " Good." "  I just want to make sure that if he were to, say, go into to the hospital, you would let me know." "Okay, here's the deal." "If he goes into the hospital," "I will tell you." "I promise." "Great." "That's all I ask for." "By the way, what are you doing?" "You haven't knit since, like, second semester, freshman year, when you made the hat for the bipolar guy." "You're gonna make fun of me." " I'm knitting Desi a scarf." " So you made him one?" "Why didn't you just go to Uniqlo like a regular person?" "Because I wanted to make him one so it's, like, homemade, and so that I'm always with him." " I don't know." " Even when he's with his girlfriend." "This is why I'm not telling anyone about us." "You mean because it's an affair and those are generally kept secret?" "No, and stop using that word." "It's because people are really judgmental and they're threatened by this idea." " Mm-hmm." " Would they be happier if their boyfriend ha..." " Marn?" "  [keyboard clicking] [no audio]" "Marn, your face is frozen in a very funny position." "[Cash register dings]" "Cool, well, that's it." " Thank you." " Yeah." "Your hair looks like it smells great." "It smells so good." "Must be nice to have your parents paying for all your shit." "What?" "Just, you know, must be nice to still be on the teat." "I'm a graduate student, so that's not really my situation anymore." "Okay." "So, yeah, this is four things of nuts." " Four nuts." " Brain food." "Four nuts for a nut, right?" "Cool." " Here you go." " Thank you." "Oh, my God." "What did you do?" "It's a long story, but the strip still works and that's what matters." "I mean, it looks like somebody tried to cut it and then you found it in the garbage." "Nope, my card." "Says my name on it." "Okay, fine." "I don't really care anyway." "Normally, you would do this... [machine beeps]" " Uh-oh." "It says we gotta call Amex." " You have another card?" " Nope, let's call Amex." "No, I don't want to." "Just give me another card." "I said let's call Amex." "If it says let's call Amex, let's call Amex." "Okay." "Who travels with one card?" "Just have another card." " Can you call Amex?" " Absolutely, yeah." " Thank you so much." " Customer's always right." "Thank you." "That's not true, though." "Yeah, don't bother." "You're in the dead zone." "It's, like, this block and, like, 200 feet that way." "Yeah, but my phone worked here earlier." "Yeah, I don't know." "It's weird and random." "Phones work at the yacht club, though." "You should come by." "Battle of the Bands tonight." "I'm drumming... in both bands." "[Dogs barking in distance]" "[item thuds, rattles] [wings fluttering]" "[fluttering continues] [screams]" "No!" "[Fluttering continues]" "[screams]" "No!" "There's a bat." "[Whimpering]" "[door handle rattling]" "Fuck." "[Thuds] [bat squeaking] [exhaling]" "[birds chirping]" "Fuck, shit!" "[Sighs, blows raspberry]" "Ow." "Man:  "She comes home after work smelling of cheap beer and menthols, grabbing at her cheek, crying over her rotting tooth." "'Looks like a fuckin' black hole, ' she says." "'How do they expect me to bag groceries when I got this pain?" "'" "She smokes some of the pot I got her from my buddy Whiz." "'Give Mommy a kiss." "I love you, ' she says." "I go to my room and draw pictures of her rotting tooth."" "Thank you, D. August." "Who wants to say what the story was about?" "First of all, I just want to say that I thought this was one of the best pieces that I've read in this program so far," " and I'm a second-year." " Ah." "Gut-wrenching." "And not asking to wrench our guts." "Just wrenching them." "Chester, hi." "Chester Chong." " Hi." " Hey, what's up?" " Chester." " Um, hi." "I liked how the language was really spare but cutting, and I thought you played with gender in a way that was really surprising and, like, almost offensive but not offensive." " Man:" "It's a really fine line." " Yeah, he's just walking it." " It's really good." " Yeah." "I agree." "Man, I would literally cut my arm off or pay you everything I have just to write three more pages of that." "I need to know more, please." "Well, I assume the mom dies." "Okay, let's change focus here." "Hannah?" "Okay, so I just wanted to say that I know you've all read the story in the privacy of your own homes, but hearing me read it aloud here today may bring up some of the more triggering aspects of the piece," "so I just want you to feel free to quietly leave the room or express your emotional reaction in any way that feels safe, even if that is kind of a darker expression." "Okay, here goes." "This story's called "Contact."" ""There was no going back." "There were new rules now, new reasons for him to call." "He made choices and I obeyed." "I let him press his thumb so hard into my neck that blue marks appeared." "I let him bend my limbs ways they didn't go, and once his arm reared back and his fist landed with a thud on my collar bone, like sex, that didn't feel like anything I thought it would." "He moved me where I had to go." "The goal was not to say no, and so it didn't matter if I was good in my choicelessness." "I was free for a moment."" "Okay, what is this story about?" "It's about a really privileged girl deciding that she's just gonna let someone abuse her." "Man:" "Yeah, that's what it's about." "Honestly, I was very distracted by how "Fifty Shades" it was." "I actually haven't read "Fifty Shades of"..." "Hannah, you know you have to sit tight until we're done discussing." "Okay." "In some ways, I was struggling not to be offended because it seemed to really trivialize the very real abuse suffered by some." "I don't know if anybody else felt that way." " Chester:" "Yeah." " That was just one paragraph." "Hannah." "Anything else?" "No?" "Okay." "What's working?" "I'm sorry, I have to say something." "I'm actually really struggling with how to talk about this piece." "Like, I tried writing my notes for Hannah last night, but I think there's a larger issue here, which is how are we supposed to critique a work which is very clearly based directly from the author's personal experience?" " Mm." " Hmm." "I had the chance to speak with Hannah yesterday and she is very much this character." " Woman:" "Hmm." " Man:" "Yeah." "Teacher:" "Because this is a fiction workshop," "I think we need to treat every piece we receive in here as a work of fiction." "Uh, but I have the same problem, and I've never even met her." "It's just..." "look at her." "She's obviously her." "I mean, the main character is a girl with a lot of tattoos named Anna." "Who needs to eat every two hours or she passes out." "Well, even if the character was named Hannah, it doesn't mean it's about her." "I mean, writers do that all the time." "We know that, right?" "And if it's about her, so what?" "Who fucking cares?" "This is her voice." "This is who she is." "We can't squash her voice of what she's trying to say." "Totally, D. August." "As usual, you hit the nail on the head." "That's not really my problem with her piece." "I definitely felt a lack of sympathy towards the male perspective and some stunted feminist idea..." " I'm sorry, can I say one thing?" " No, not yet." "Not yet." " Five words." " No, I know it's hard, but just not yet." " One word." " Hannah." "History." "History didn't really focus on the female perspective." "I forgot what I was saying." "Woman:" "Stunted feminist idea." "Yeah, for me it would be much more interesting if there was a complex examination about the real ways that people challenge each other sexually." "[chatter]" " You coming?" " Do they have onion rings at the Fox Head?" "[laughs]" " Hey." " Hey." "You headed for the Fox Head?" "No, I'm just gonna go home and metabolize the notes that I was given, figure out a way to integrate them into my work in a fashion that makes sense to me." "No, no, no, no, you gotta go or everybody thinks you're a baby." "No one's gonna think I'm a baby." " I'm metabolizing my notes." " Look, you're gonna go through a lot of these, okay?" "So, suck it up." "I'll see you there, all right?" "I'm not stressed!" "No fucking way." "Hello?" "Please bring my bike back!" " [Bike bell rings]" " Woman:" "I mean, look." "That is the danger of conferences, right?" "They really attract, like, the lowest common denominator who don't want to write." "They just want to talk about writing." " Man:" "It's awful." " I don't mean that in a bad way." " I just mean..." " I'm just gonna get another beer." "Do you guys want anything?" " Hannah:" "We're cool." " No, thanks." "Honestly, Logan, I felt so misunderstood in class." "Oh, yeah." "I can understand that feeling, you know?" "But you have to understand it's all just a part of one big process." "Because in the real world, let's just say you were to actually get "published."" "I mean, you can't go to everybody's house individually and defend your work, you know?" "It's important to know how your work comes across to a reader." "I know, but, like, okay, just here alone, woman to woman, you don't have to put on a show, you didn't actually think the piece was insensitive to sufferers of abuse, did you?" "That is how I perceived it." "But it's just a story." "Stories can be very powerful, Hannah." "Oh, my God." "What's wrong?" "You're a survivor of abuse." "[laughs] What?" "Of course you're gonna be sensitive to it." "You have a right to be sensitive to it." "You're a survivor of abuse." "Hannah, I don't know what you're talking about." "I knew aspects of the story would be triggering, but I didn't imagine just how close to home it would hit." "Okay, great, you don't know what I'm talking about." "You don't know what you're talking about." "And my story isn't about the time that I took a couple Quaaludes and asked my boyfriend to punch me in the chest." "TMI, Hannah." "TMI." "By the way, TMI is such an outdated concept." "There's no such thing as too much information." "This is the Information Age." "We're all just here to express ourselves, so it's like to censor each other?" "We're no better than..." "George W. Bush." "Woman on TV:" "When you licked my face, when you put your tongue on my cheek, apparently that was just what you needed to get in the mood to rip out my molars, right?" "I hope someday I know the passion that Huck feels for Quinn." "Woman on TV:" "But your tongue in my mouth?" "That's different." "  You put your tongue in my mouth..." "[ phoneringing] and now I deserve to live?" "  That's a thing?" " Okay, it's, like, just a bunch of zeroes." "Jessa:" "Prison." "Hello?" "Automated voice:" "You have a collect call from..." "This is Hannah." "My phone broke." "Hello?" "What?" "Hannah?" "Automated voice:" "To accept this call, press one." "Dude, something insane is happening right now." " It's Hannah?" " Can you hear me?" "This is a..." "Automated voice:" "Please enter your choice now." "I, like, can't understand her." "It's really fast." "Hannah's voice:" "This is Hannah." "My phone broke." " Automated voice: is calling collect." " Can you hear me?" "Automated voice:" "To accept charges, press 1 now." "Accept the call!" " Should I pause?" " Hello?" "Have you ever heard of a collect call..." "  [dial tone humming] - you motherfucking cunts?" "[Beeping]" "Automated voice:" "Say your name after the tone." "[beeps]" " This is your daughter Hannah." "Please pick up." " Honey?" " Is it Hannah?" "Yeah, collect." "She's calling collect." " Accept the charges." "  [line beeps]" " Hi." " Loreen:" "Honey, what happened to your phone?" "Tad:" "Ask her what happened to her phone." "Oh, I just dropped it in a creek 'cause I was... creek walking with just a group of my new friends." "Oh, that's nice." "She has a bunch of new friends." " Yeah?" "Ask her what their names are." " What are their names?" "Oh, their names are Shannon..." " Shannon." " Shannon." " Jeff..." " Jeff." " Okay." " Jonesly..." "Jonesly." "Rancheny, Nagasaki, and Cher." "Loreen:" "There are a bunch." "Hey, tell us more." "Have you had class yet?" "Uh, no, I didn't have class yet." "Just getting ready and, you know, hangin' with the new pals." "Hey, Mommy, can I ask you a question?" "Sure, of course." "Is it normal when you get to a new place to think about suicide for the first time ever?" " What?" "  Not that you want to do it or anything." "Just that you could do it." "You're thinking about ways to do it that never occurred to you before, you know?" "Just like cutting off your own wrist." "I don't know." "It's just that it's the only way to get out of your current situation that you're in." "Yeah, I think that's normal." "I mean, whenever I'm on a very high building," "I always think I could jump." "When I hold a baby, I..." " Tad:" "You think of dropping the baby." " Just because." " You do." "Honey, can you ask Hannah to call us back when we're done with the game?" "Ooh, your dad wants us to call you back." "I think he has a really good word." " Wait." "  We'll call you right back, okay, sweetie?" " Tad:" "I think I can make..." " [Dial tone humming]" "Who opened the door?" "!" "I'm not kidding!" "I have a self-defense keychain that I bought illegally, okay?" "And I can slice you from top to bottom!" "Hello?" " Hello?" "  [door opens]" "I have a family!" "[screams]" " What are you even doing?" "!" " Calm down." "On the way here from the airport, two people asked me if I was Blake Lively's husband." "Iowa is amazing!" " What are you doing here?" " Well, your last text was sort of a bummer, so I figured maybe you could use a candy striper." "Elijah, I can't use a candy striper." "I'm in the midst of a very intense..." " I love you." " I love you." "I love you." "But there's no way that you came here just to be nice to me." "Okay, well, that hurts my feelings." "Honestly, New York was just too grotesque." "I mean, I just feel like a fucking loser." "I just keep running into people that I've slept with, and then last week I saw a homeless woman fist herself on my stoop." "No." "It's like I've had enough." " I love you so much." " I love you, too." " I hate everyone who isn't you." " Me, too." " I've been saying that for years." " [whimpers]" "Why don't you change out of whatever this is, 'cause we're gonna go to a rager on North Linn Street!" "Elijah, I would love to go to a rager, but I'm sorry." "I have to, you know, revise my story and meditate on Priya's story and... let's forget who we are." "That's why I'm here." " Your body looks amazing." " Oh, thanks." "I haven't seen your pubic hair in a long time." "I just grew it back." "?" "Three, six, nine, damn you're fine ?" "?" "Move it so you can sock it to me one more time ?" "?" "Get low, get low, get low, get low, get low, get low, get low ?" "?" "To the window, to the window ?" "?" "To the wall, to the wall ?" "?" "Till the sweat drop down my balls, my balls ?" "?" "Till all these bitches crawl, crawl ?" "?" "To all skeet, skeet, motherfucker, motherfucker ?" "?" "All skeet, skeet, God damn, God damn ?" "?" "To all skeet, skeet, motherfucker, motherfucker ?" "?" "All skeet, skeet, God damn, God damn ?" "?" "Shorty crunk, so fresh, so clean, can she fuck?" "?" "?" "That question been harassing me in the mind ?" "?" "This bitch is fine, I done came to the club about 50-11 times ?" "?" "Now I can play with yo' panty line?" "?" "?" "The club owner said I need to calm down ?" "?" "Security guard's gonna sweat me now ?" "?" "Nigga drunk, then a motherfucker threaten me now ?" "?" "She getting' crunk in the club, I mean she workin' ?" "?" "And then I like to see them females twerking ?" "?" "Taking their clothes off, bucky naked ?" "?" "ATL ho don't dis like this ?" "?" "Bend over to the front, touch your toes ?" "?" "Back that ass up and down and get low, get low ?" "?" "Bend over to the front, touch your toes ?" "?" "Back that ass up and down and get low. ?" "I'm not gay." "Yeah, me neither, bro." "Oh?" "Okay." " [Man grunts]" " Elijah:" "All right." " Man:" "Yeah." " Elijah:" "Yeah." "Parties are fun, right?" "Is this what happens at every party?" "Every party I'm at." "[Woman sobbing]" "Excuse me, ding-a-ling, coming through." "What's wrong?" "My boyfriend, he's cheating on me." "Your boyfriend is cheating on you?" "Where the fuck is that dingbat?" "Des Moines." "He goes to Iowa State." "Oh, so you're saying it's a long-distance thing?" "Uh-huh." "Oh, then you're gonna need to snap out of it." "Them's the rules, honey." "Don't ask, don't tell." "If you're not gonna know what he's doing there, he's not gonna know what you're doing here." "And that's okay." "And that's why you're gonna move into that living room, and you are gonna bust a nut." "You are gonna get your dick wet." "You are gonna get yours." "That's what you need to do." "You can't sit around think..." "being Little Miss Faithful." "That's fucking crazy." " Are you crazy?" " No." "I'm sorry." "Here, drink this." "Drink this." "It's okay." "It's just I've seen a lot of things." "I'm 25 years old and I'm here to help you, all right?" "All right?" "You're gonna be all right." "You're gonna be all right, okay?" "I'm gonna use the bathroom before you." "Thank you." "[Music blaring] [cheering]" "Get her!" "Come on, Hannah!" "Get her!" "[chanting] Fight!" "Fight!" "Fight!" "Scissor her!" "Really lez out!" "That's what they all wanna see!" "[Grunting]" " Yeah!" " Go, take her down!" "Whoo!" "[Groans] [cheering]" "Yeah!" " [chanting] Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "[Birds chirping]" "Elijah?" "Elijah, let's go." "Hannah, we did it." "We did it." "Come on." "We did it." "Everyone's sleeping." "Why is everybody asleep?" " Fuckin' pussy." "  [thuds]" "Hannah:" "I want to go back to undergrad school." "I don't want to stay in grad school." "Elijah:" "Iowa." "?" "I see gold in the air ?" "?" "And promise in the streams..." "?" " [chattering]" "?" "I see love in our hearts ?" "?" "And futures in our dreams ?" "?" "It's a tunnel kind of vision ?" "?" "Like alcohol's involved ?" "?" "And I'll stray like a hound dog ?" "?" "But I'ma come back when she calls ?" "?" "When she calls ?" "?" "I'll come to her ?" "?" "I had a dream ?" "?" "I had a dream last night ?" "?" "Shaking like a soldier in my shoes ?" "?" "I had a dream ?" "?" "You were a laser light ?" "?" "Burning down the city in my blues ?" "?" "I owe it all to you ?" "?" "I owe it all to you, I do ?" "?" "I owe it all to you ?" "?" "She got ash on her dress ?" "?" "And the devil in her eyes ?" "?" "With this Texas disposition ?" "?" "And a temper just like mine ?" "?" "It's a tunnel kind of vision ?" "?" "Like alcohol's involved ?" "?" "And I'll stray like a hound dog ?" "?" "But I'ma come back when she calls ?" "?" "When she calls ?" "?" "I'll come to her ?" "?" "When she calls ?" "?" "I'll come to her ?" "?" "I'll come to her ?" "?" "When she calls ?" "?" "I'll come to her. ?"