"Hell, yeah." "This is what I'm talking about, yo." " Oh, look at this, yo." " Yeah." "That's what I'm talking about." "Imagine me driving in that." "What?" "She'd be, like, "Hey, Jamal, what's up?"" "Shut up, bitch!" "Remember me last year?" "Just run 'em all over." "Oh, hell, yeah!" "What?" "With the doors flipping open?" "Yeah!" "But we can't do it 'cause we ain't got no job." "Yeah." "That's what I'm saying." "We ain't got no credit, either." "You don't have any credit?" "What do you mean, you got no credit, man?" "You're supposed to have credit." "That's the reason why I'm your roommate." "I understand if I don't have any credit." "But how don't you have any credit?" "You're white." "But I don't have good credit." "You're a white dude with no damn credit, man." "What the hell is that?" "Dude, it's the first of the month." "First of the month, man?" " Miss..." "Yo..." " Do you have your half of the rent?" "No, I don't have my half of the rent!" "You have your half?" "No." "I was gonna tell you, but I just..." "Well, how you gonna..." "Wait a minute." "How you gonna ask me if I have my half and you don't have your half?" "'Cause I was hoping we could give Mrs. Bundy your half first and then my half later." "Later, right?" "Mrs. Bundy said if we don't have our money, we are gonna be out on the street." "Homeless." "You want to be homeless, man?" "I don't feel like wearing eight coats and pissing on myself, man." "We just moved here." "What are we gonna do?" "Yoo-hoo!" "Postman!" "Postman!" "Who is it?" "Yoo-hoo!" "Postman!" "Breaking things." "Yo, man." "You got my check, man?" "Oh, I am sorry." "No check today." "But I wanted to personally hand deliver those bills with those cute little red notices on them." "Oh, hell, no." "Wait a minute, man." "I gave the money to Dexter to pay for this, man." "Yeah, well, I guess your acting gig isn't paying the bills, huh?" "Yeah." "Toodles!" "Yo, man, this is some bullshit, man." "I thought I gave you money for the gas bill, man." "Yeah." "I forgot to tell you that I got us an extension on that." " Oh, did you?" " Yeah." "The only extension that's gonna happen is my foot in your ass." "What's wrong with you, man?" "What now?" "You know your cable bill is 60 days past due?" "It is?" "But..." "I gave money to my roommate a week ago." "Listen, if you want to watch BET tonight, you better make your payment by 5 p.m." "Jamal, didn't I give you the money to pay the cable bill?" "Um, yeah." "I got us a two-week extension." "Right." "Right." "Anyway, that was the money you'd given me to pay the gas bill." "What?" " See, that was a yell." " Shut up, man!" "Who it be?" "What's up, man?" "It be the gas man." "We just got the bill in the mail today." "What the hell are you talking about, man?" "Oh, yeah." "We had a technical error with our computers, and according to this here, it says you have to pay us today or you'll be taking cold showers." "You know what I mean?" "What is it now?" "It's me, the owner." "The big bambino." "Oh, man!" "Jamal, Mrs. Bundy." "What are we gonna do?" "Open up." "I know you two are in there." "Hi, Mrs. Bundy." "We're naked right now." "We're taking a shower." " Why did you say that?" " We're taking a shower!" "What?" "Are you two gay now?" "You keep it on the down low?" "I watch Oprah." "Yeah." "We're naked." "It's hard for us to open the door when we're naked." "We don't have towels, neither, so we're drying ourselves." "Now, I've seen little whistles like yours before, boys." "Now listen." "I want my rent, or you two out on the street, do you hear me?" "Oh, yeah." "Wait a minute." "It's 30 days." "We still got..." " It's not the end of the month, right?" " We got another day." "It's a leap year." "No." "No, no, no." "It's 30 days in this month, and this is the first of the month." "So I want my rent by the end of today." "Do you got it?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "We're gonna have it, 'cause we're gonna get our checks today." " What checks?" " Our checks." "Our checks!" " Yes, the checks." "Yes!" "Yes!" " Yes!" "They're in..." "The production company takes forever to pay." "It's not my problem." "Okay, boys?" "Okay." "Um, all right." "Well, we're gonna..." "We'll have it for you at the end of the day." "Bitch." "That's how I roll, baby." "You gotta let 'em know, because if you don't let 'em know, they're not gonna know." "I let 'em know." "So I hear you two are twins." "How'd that happen?" "Well, I take after my mama." "And I take after my pappy." "I came out first, and..." "I came after her." "Let me talk to you for a minute." "Yeah." "Well, you know what?" "I could make you a star." "Really?" "You've got such a unique look." "I've never seen anything quite like it." " Oh, wow." "Thank you." " I think it's gonna be your year, baby." " I know." "I did win a beauty pageant once..." " Yeah." "Excuse me a minute." " Can I be honest with you?" " Of course you can." "I can make you a star." "Everybody's always told me that." "You've got such a unique look." "I've never seen anything quite like it." "Well, thank you." "It's gonna be your year, baby." "Damn, man." "Damn!" "We need jobs, man." "That's what I'm saying." "We should go work for Mad Dog." "Be, like, bang!" "What, are you crazy, man?" "He's a gangster." "What do I look like?" "Um, an African-American?" "That's funny, man." "Cut with the jokes." "We gotta find a way to make some quick cash." "We need to be messing with Gary Coleman's little chunky ass." "He's making cash quick." "Or we could go work for Mad Dog." "Working..." "What's wrong with you, man?" "That's our last resort." "I'm not messing with him, man." "You want to get shot?" "Well, what are we gonna do?" "Look, we're just two struggling actors waiting for our big break." "It just hasn't come yet." "But none of those people seem to see that." "Just chill." "It will, man." "Jamal, I've been chilling since I could grow hair on my nuts, okay?" "I'm tired of chilling." "I'm busting my ass on every audition... every one... and nothing has happened." "Excuse me, ladies." "I gotta set up a meeting for two of my clients for a film." "Angelina, Halle, watch out, because here come the twins!" "Oh, my God, he's so cute!" "I know." "Oh, honey, we can totally do this." "We're gonna be the first ones to be rich in our family!" "I know!" "Check it." "Maybe it's just not gonna happen for us." "Okay, um, the part with hair on your nuts?" " Yeah?" " Yeah." "I didn't like that." "I thought it might be a little much, but I was in the moment." "I just went with it." "That's your thing." "But I'm gonna be a star." "I'm gonna make it." "Understand?" "Because I got what it takes." "And let me tell you why." "'Cause I'm great." "And you know why?" "It's taking longer because greatness takes longer." " You understand?" " Yeah." "I got what it takes, man." "You understand?" "Look." "Perfect teeth, smile." "Boom." "Come on, son." "Denzel ain't got shit on me." " Keep dreaming, Jamal." " Watch." "Whatever." "Keep dreaming." "You're hating." "There it is." "That's okay, though, because..." "Hello?" "Yo, it's Ramon." "Got an audition for you two." "Oh, audition." "What's up?" "All right." "Yeah, you got a car this time?" "Yeah, we got a ride." "Uh, yeah." "Um, yeah." "This girl..." "She gonna let me borrow her car." "I thought your driver's license was suspended." "Yeah." "Yes and no, because..." "Um, they said that, uh..." "The city said that I could drive it only when I'm going to work." "You dig?" "It's, like, some special new law." "I thought you two were unemployed already." "You ain't booked shit since I signed you." "Right." "Yeah." "Yes and no." "Because..." "I mean, we got stuff going." "You know what I mean?" "We're doing cool." "Look, man, get a pen before I drop you from my roster." "All right." "All right." "Cool." "All right." "Okay, what's up?" "What's hap..." "What's happening?" "Got a pen." "All right." "Ready?" "6427 Hollywood Way." "All right?" "You gotta be there at 11:30." "You're meeting with the producers, all right?" "Don't fuck it up." "This is your last chance, all right?" "All right." "Thanks." "Yeah." "Peace." "Yeah." "That's how I do." "You gotta talk to 'em that way 'cause if you don't let 'em know, they're not gonna know." " I let 'em know." " He reminds me of Jack Nicholson." "Who was that?" "Was that our agent?" "That was our agent, right?" " Got an audition." "Yeah!" " We got an audition?" "Yes!" " For what?" "A TV show?" "A movie?" "Commercial?" "No." "No." "Guess what." "It's a movie, dawg." "Movie." "And it's like a murder movie." "It's called Dead Body." "Awesome." "Characters?" "Um, your character..." "Oh, ooh, you're gonna be playing a basehead." " Okay." " It's perfect for you." "'Cause, you know, you got..." "No, it's perfect." "You got the eyes all cracked out." "That's natural for you." "Yeah." "And my character..." "I play this real smooth, cool dude." "Real handsome, gets all the girls." "That's, like, natural for me, 'cause that's the way I live." "Hey, I don't know." "'Cause these characters are nothing like us." "That's the whole point, dude." "That's why you're an actor." "You know what I'm saying?" "That's why it's acting." "That's why we're acting, fool." "You know what I'm saying?" "So what would it..." "It wouldn't make any sense if we were playing ourselves." " Then why are we even being actors?" " That's true." "You're right." "It's always good when you can go out of character, you know?" " It's a challenge to be, like, in the character." " Back into character." "Come on." "You, a basehead?" "It's gonna be crazy." " Let's do it!" "Yeah!" " Yeah!" "Yo, no tricks." "You're trying to do that little black handshake." "I'm getting tired of that." " No, but I just got the snap thing right." " I don't want that!" " I just got it right!" " That's patronizing." "I don't want to see you snap." " I don't want to see that pleasure." " I just got it." " I'm trying to bring back, you know, the old... - High five?" "I don't want high five." "White dudes love the high..." "You high five over everything." "You high five when you br..." "I don't want to high five with you guys anymore!" "I went to a white college, and it was... that's all I had..." "Every time I walked into the room, it was a high five because I was a black guy." "Standard American handshake means we're even." " You see what even is?" "Even." " Handshake?" "Sure." "No high fives, either." "I am so sick of high-fiving." " I won't." " A modern, standard handshake." " That's what I like." "Let's go!" "Shit!" " All right." "Let's go." "Yeah!" "It's time for the big time." "We can make it now." "I don't know what they reading for." "I'm taking it from everybody." "What you playing, man?" "Come on." "Ooh, hey, you know what?" "I don't see any other white boys." "That's a good thing, right?" "Can I help you?" "Yeah." "I'm here for the audition." "Sign in." "Okay." "Is that gum good?" "Very." "I see." "You chewing like it is." "What roles did you come did you come to audition for?" "Relax." "Hold up." "I'm here for the role of Chris, the smooth cat, you know?" "Yeah, and I'm here for the role of, uh, basehead." " What's up, dude?" " Drug head." "Yeah." "Check this out." " Make sure..." " Thank you." "You can get your ass up outta here before I make it look like a scene from The Excorcist up in here." "Yo, man, you need to chill with that." "You know, if your tummy hurts, you could try some, like, Tums or maybe some..." " I'm gonna go sit down now." " Go sit down." "I hope I got the sides right." "Well, who cares?" "Those guys look like they suck anyway." "Oh, man." "This is nothing, man." "This ain't hard." " This ain't hard at all." " Oh, yeah." "This isn't hard." "But I am." "You what?" "Yeah, man, the receptionist." "She was hot." "She made me hard." "Man, why don't you point it that way, man?" " What's wrong with you, man?" " I'm sorry." "I can't help it." "We're having problems with the permits, Spike." "And our budget, too." "I told you, to hell with the permits." "What's wrong with the budget?" "We're running out of money." "I told you I just wanted five cars with dubs." "We want the Supertechno crane." "I told you I would throw in my director fee." "We have to get through these auditions, try to find, you know, these two guys, and that's it." "I talked to distributors." "They said they're gonna give us a million-dollar advance for the film as long as it meets the total running time." "Yeah, well, that advance needs to come quick." "All right?" "Because we're running out of time, running out of money." "We gotta move on." "Every time we outside, you see a girl, you get hard." "You see an old lady, you get hard." "You see a midget, you get hard." "You see a damn dog, you get hard." "What's wrong with you, man?" "You know what?" "It's a problem I have." "I have B.W.D.S." "B.W.D. S?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Big white dick syndrome!" "No, seriously." "You know what?" "It was originally a black man thing." " You probably have it." "You just don't know it." " Whatever, dude." "We got five more to go." "So let's find these extras that we need" " and get this movie in the can, all right?" " Okay." "'Cause I don't want to go nonunion." " Never again." "Never again." " Definitely not." "Okay." "Here we go." " Okay, Jessica." "How you doing?" " All right." "All right." "Camera's rolling." "And action!" "Just slap the ho, n'est-ce pas?" "Next!" "See, like that guy over there." "That Chinese guy." " Yeah." "What does he have?" " He has L.C.D.S." "Little Chinese dick syndrome." "That's a white man thing." "Yeah, well, you need D.I.T.M.S." "Dick in the mouth syndrome." "Shut up." "Hey, man, do we have this guy?" "No, I don't have him." " I have all the girls." " Not the head shot..." "Dee has the ladies." "You're supposed to have the guys." " Oh." "Oh, that's Johnny." " Johnny." "Oh." " Hey, Johnny!" "Sorry..." " There you are." "Sorry about that." "All right, Johnny." "Just be cool." "You're a surfer dude, so just be cool, natural, Miami Beach-type of vibe." "Camera's rolling." "And... action!" "Slap the ho." "Just slap the ho." "Next!" "Look, man, you need to be studying this, all right?" "Just quit bullshitting and study, all right?" "Oh." "Oh, okay." "Uh..." "Listen, that's Brian G." " You remember Brian G?" " Oh, yeah, yeah." "Uh, just be cool, Brian." "This is your big break." "This is your chance." "All right?" "Camera's rolling." "And action!" "Slap the ho!" " I like this one." " I like the..." " Can you do it again?" " Yeah." "And action!" "Slap the ho!" " I like that one." " Very nice." "You got potential." "We're gonna call you." " All right." " Next!" "What?" "So would that be B.T. S?" " Big tittie syndrome?" " Yeah." "I don't want to slap Mary Magdalene." "I said, I don't want to slap Mary Magdalene." "Can I get a amen?" "Amen." "Amen." " Next!" " Amen." "Man." "Spike Leroy." "What's going on, man?" " Do you know this guy?" " I don't have his head shot." "Yeah." "Big Dime." "Man, I know I'm up in there somewhere." "Big Dime." " Yeah, he's..." " Dime?" "All right." " Big Dime." " No." "And I remember getting calls." " There was no Big Dime." " A'ight." "It don't matter." "Anyway, so check this out, Spike." "I'm a big fan of yours, bro." "I seen all your movies..." "Eyes of Darkness, JC in the Hood." "So check this out." "I could really relate to JC in the Hood, so I'm here to pitch a story idea." "See, I grew up in the hood, too." "You know what I mean?" "Grew up in the hood." "But my story was different." "I grew up with a white girl." "That movie's been done." " Yeah, absolutely." "Thank you very much." " Thank you." " Jungle Fever ain't got nothing on that." " Next!" "So what kind of food are we gonna..." " I want soul food for catering, okay?" " Yeah." " Soul food..." " Been ordered." "Everything's there." " I gave a list." " I want collard greens, some macaroni and cheese, some barbecued chicken, some barbecued beef..." " I know." "I'm feeling you." "It's on its way." " We got it." "Don't worry about it." "Spike Leroy likes soul food, okay?" " We got that." " We took care of it." "Cool, cool, cool." "I know you got my back, Jasmine." " All right." "Let's look at these bozos." " Okay." "All right." "This is, uh, Kwamé Jenkins." " What's up?" " So you were in" "Boyz n the Hood and Menace to Society." "I can see on your résumé." "What other hood flicks have you participated in?" "Uh, Lock on the Glock, uh, No Hos After Midnight, and, uh, Put It In Your Mouth." "Next!" "Good-bye." "Just be a minute." "Um..." " I don't have his head shot." " You don't have it?" " Uh, all right." "Let's give 'em a shot, you guys." " Okay." "Okay." "We're here." "We're supposed to be here." "Yeah." "Go." "Camera's rolling." "And action!" "Yo, I smoke weed." "He smokes weed." "We all smoke weed, man!" " What's wrong with that?" " Hell, yeah!" " That's not what we have." " Uh, no." "Are you sure you're at the right audition?" " You're at the wrong audition." " I think so." " What?" "Dude..." " That's not our sides." " What are you talking about?" " Next!" " I worked on this all day." "Wait." " Thank you very much." "Are we at 2302 West Sunset Boulevard?" " No, this is 2302 East Sunset." " East!" " Sorry, gentlemen." " Good-bye." "Next!" "Damn it!" " Good-bye." " What the f..." "Hey, you think you can give me, like, a scene?" "I can..." "I don't need him." "Damn it!" " Did you get that aspirin?" " Uh, no." "They didn't give me a P.A. yet." "In fact, can you make sure she brings it, please?" " Make me feel a lot better." " Yeah." "Where did those two bozos come from?" "I don't know, Spike, but we need to move on, okay?" " Definitely." " We're taking too much time here." "Let's go." "All right." "That's it." "That's a wrap." "I gotta move my car, actually." "I can't believe we went to the wrong address!" "I can." "We do it all the time." "You know what?" "I think for the first time, you're finally right." "This acting is..." "This acting thing ain't for us, man." "I think we should just go find a regular job." "Yeah." "I think you're right." "Damn!" "Damn!" "In order for us to get a job, we gotta get classified ads, so..." " Okay." " Yeah, 'cause that's the only way we can find, you know..." "Money." "That's what you're here for." "See?" "I told you." "That's right." "I love it." "White dudes come with change." "Love it." "They come with change." "All right." " Let's go." " Salvation, baby." "Come on, baby." "Come on, baby, baby, baby, baby." "Come on." "Classified, classified, classified." "Look at that." "Check this out." "They're hiring over at the Black Diamond Fitness Center on Crenshaw Boulevard." "Yeah!" "Some hot ladies going there!" "Hot ladies!" " Boobies!" " Yeah, boobies." " Ugh!" " What?" " Yo, what is..." " What?" "I got a booger?" "Wipe that..." "Not the booger, man." "Looks like you been tongue kissing Strawberry Shortcake, man." " Oh, the doughnut." " Yeah." " Yeah." "Dude." " Yeah, man." "Did you ever think Strawberry Shortcake was kind of hot?" " Yeah, but she was 12." " So was I." "Okay..." "Oh!" "Check this one out." "Ah!" "See?" "Ah!" "It says, "We are looking to hire energetic individuals who do shipping and receiving at a clothing company."" "That's cool." "And no experience necessary." " Nice!" " And we ain't got shit." " That's so coo'." " Yeah." "I can ship and receive." " I can do both." " Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "All these damn jobs, we gotta get something, man." "We gotta get something." " Coo'." " There's too many things..." ""Coo"'?" "Wait." "Whoa." ""Coo"'?" "Yo, "Coo"'?" "Coo'." ""Cool." You can use the L with me, man." " Don't cut it off." " I'm not trying to." " I told you about that. "Cool."" " I'm sorry." " All right." "Thank you." "All right." " I'm trying to fit in." "What are we gonna do now?" " Gonna go job hunting." " Right." "Where you want to start?" "We're gonna go to Black Diamond Fitness Center first." "Excellent." "How we gonna get there?" "We don't have a car." "How else are we gonna get there?" "There are other modes of transportation, man." " Like the bus!" " Oh, damn!" " I thought you were gonna say helicopter." " No." "That'd be good, though." " You have a helicopter?" " You know what?" "You're not as dumb as I thought you were, man." " You're pretty smart." " Thank you." " Your IQ points just went up." "All right?" " Thank you." "Thank you very much." "Wait." "That was an insult." "Hey." "Hey." "You guys hiring?" "No?" "Not at all?" "All right." "No, they're not hiring, either." "Well, wait up." "Hey, where's the bus?" "We've been waiting for, like, an hour." "Do I look like a bus schedule, man?" " Yeah." " What the hell y'all looking at?" "You ain't never seen a well-dressed homeless person before?" "Especially with a scarf." "Isn't your, like, neck hot?" "It's hot." "It's, like, 800 out here." "You have a..." "Look here, man." "It's not a scarf." "This is an ascot." "It smells more like ass-crack." "Look here." "Anyway, y'all want a drink?" "No." "No." "No." "We're straight." "Oh, good." "For a moment, I thought you was a couple of faggots." "A couple of cocksuckers." "A couple of fugazis." " No, man." "We just didn't want no water, man." " Nope." "'Cause, you know, you're, like, you're homeless, and so your mouth's dirty, and it's been on that, so I don't want it." "And look here." "I ain't always been homeless." " I had a wife and two kids... two beautiful kids." " Wow." "What happened?" "I lost it." "Lost everything." " Do you got a picture?" " You got a picture of your kids?" "We'd like to see 'em, you know." "We don't want to, you know..." "Yeah." "What'd you used to do?" "What were you?" "I was an actor." "That is messed up, man." "What..." "That thing you do with your tongue..." "What's that?" "That was my thing." "Every time you you'd see me..." " Oh, okay." " You got a picture of your kids?" "I thought you guys would never ask." " Come take a look at this." " We didn't want to ask." " And I wasn't even acting when I did this." " Okay." " Let's see that." " Look at that." "Oh, shit!" "Wow!" "Wow!" "They are..." "Wow, those are your kids." "Yeah, Chuckie and Buckie." "That's right." " What you laughing at?" " What the fuckie?" " What y'all laughing at?" " Chuckie, Buckie..." "I wasn't laughing at you guys when you was talking your little shit." "Y'all think something's funny!" "It's a sunny day out, and we're just really happy!" "What the fuck?" "What is that?" "Shut the fuck up!" "'Cause I'll stab my fucking eye out!" " That's what I'm-a do!" "Watch the eye!" " Where's your sense of humor?" " Where's my sense of humor?" " Yeah." "I lost it with my fucking job!" "Now, watch the eye, goddamn it!" " No, please." "We're gonna roll." " We're out." "We're out, man." " What you mean?" " Your kids are ugly!" "Wait!" "I was just acting!" "This ain't even a real knife!" "Bunch of rookies." "Man, that homeless dude was crazy as hell, man." "Hell, yeah." "What is L.A. coming to?" " Why you calling?" " My mother." "Yeah, that's right." "My moms, yo." "Last resort." "I need some money." "Ma?" "Hey, Ma." "Hi." "Just wanted to say that you're the best mom in the world." "You know, I'm in need, Ma." "I need you to hook me up with some money." "Yeah, I'm in a tight spot." "Yeah, I need some money." "I'm so serious." "I need some money." "But that's what I been doing all day." "Y-Yeah." "I'm..." "I'm trying real hard." "What'd she say?" "She said she love me." " That's nice." " Yeah." "That's good." "Why don't we ask your parents?" "Yeah!" "We should ask your parents, man!" "Oh, man!" "That's real money right there." " Yeah." " Jamal, I've told you a hundred times," "I don't know who my parents are, okay?" "Oh, well, I..." "I forgot, man." "What the hell you crying for, though?" "Damn!" ""I don't know why my parents are."" "Just put on the TV." " Aw, this is my show right here." " Oh, dude!" " Whup that bitch's ass." " No." "No." "Change the channel." "Change it." " Beat her ass!" " I don't want to watch this." " I'm not watching this." " Why you hating?" " I'm not hating." "Ricki Fake is played out." " Smack her!" " Yo, it's Ricki Lake." " Get it right." "Yeah." "That's what I said." "Put on some Maury Pobitch or something." "It's Povich, all right?" "Yeah!" "Go!" " Jamal!" "Jamal!" "Jamal!" " Whup her ass!" "That ain't his baby!" "That is not his baby!" "I knew it!" " Why are you repeating everything I say?" " That's not his baby!" "Why?" "You're the stupid one, man." "You understand that?" "You're the stupid one." "Get that straight." "What up, Cali?" "I got a place you can go" " when your dough is low." " Hey, fool!" "Come here." "Hold my bike." "Open seven days a week, and we keep it real." "You know the deal." "It's the place you can go." "When your dough is low, it's the U.U.O." "Now you know." "Yeah, U.U.O." " Now you know." "Come see us on Crenshaw." " Welcome to U.U.O." "You got my gear, fool." "He's paying for mine." "Take it, man." "Where you going?" " Gonna go get me a job." " Can I come?" "See?" "Came, come." ""Can I come?" And I came." "Dude, I said "Can I come?" Then I came." "See, this is not a game anymore, man." "It's not a game." "Before, it was hairy balls." "Now it's "Can I come?"" "And then you aim it at me." "What's that about, yo?" "Yeah, man." "I wasn't aiming." "You really can't aim it, can you?" "You know what?" "I'm a roommate, not a sweet mate." " What's wrong with you, dude?" " Joking." "That's not a joke, man." "How you joking about coming on somebody?" "It's funny." "You know what?" "I'm out." "Jamal, I'm just playing." "Who's sensitive now?" "What?" "Dude, are you crazy?" "This is a woman's clothing store." "They're gonna think we're gay." "No, they're gonna think you're gay by the way you walk in here." "Shut up and chill, man." " Hello." "May I help you guys?" " Hi." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Can you tell me where I can catch the Soul Train?" "Just..." "Yo, man." "He's racist." "He's a racist." "You didn't need to say that, man." "The Soul Train?" "Yeah." "Sorry about him." "Excuse him." "He was in a drive-by last year." "You know, had some head trauma, so he has, like, a racial Tourette's." "Yeah." "So, um, I was just..." "Wait a minute." " You look kind of familiar." " Excuse me?" "What, did you fart or something?" " What's wrong with you, man?" " What?" " Shut up." " You guys look like you are handling it." "No, wait a minute." "I just..." "We just came here to see if you had some applications." "To see if you were hir..." "Yeah, yeah, some applications." " For this store?" " No, as Don Cornelius' personal assistant." " Shut up!" " Of course this store." " To..." "Yeah..." "So..." "Can you go see?" " I'll be right back." "'Cause I love this store." "You know, I want to..." " show my feminine side, you know?" " I'll be right back." " Yo, man, come here." " What?" "You say one more thing to embarrass me, we gonna be fighting." "Okay." "All right." "As long as I have, like, Jerry Springer style, and I get the first punch in." "Like..." "I'm gonna smash you like a transexual on Jerry Springer." " Keep talking." " Okay." "Sorry, guys." "We don't have any more applications." " Shut up!" " I didn't say anything!" "You were about to." "I felt your breath." "Yes, well, thank you very much." "Thank you." "Sorry about the whole, you know." "But I hope that maybe there'll be an opening or something like that." " Yeah." " You know what I'm saying?" " All right." "You take it easy, huh?" " Yeah." "Maybe I can get that number, though." "How's that?" " Bye." "Have a nice day." " Okay." "All right." " Bye." " Maybe I can get the e-mail." " She was nice, huh?" " What about the..." " She was really nice." " What about the URL, blog or something?" " Damn!" " She was sweet." "What?" "What's the matter?" "I told you, man, you embarrass me again," " we gonna fight." " What?" " We're gonna fight." " No, no, no." "Don't hit me, Jamal." "Please don't hit me, Jamal." "Give me a good reason why I shouldn't." "Because I know another where we can get a job." "You do?" "Yeah." "Where?" "Where?" "Where?" "Follow me." "Come on." "So, are you guys hiring?" "What?" "What?" "Excuse me?" "What he was trying to say is we're wondering if you guys were hiring." "This ain't DeVry, motherfucker." "What?" "This ain't DeVry, this is... ain't Mackie D." "This a strip club, motherfuckers." "This ain't Mickey D's, none of that." "We were just wondering if you were hiring, man." "What did I say to you?" "Didn't..." "Did you hear me, fool?" "I said no!" "Now, do I have to put it in Ebonics or some shit or some Swahili or some shit like that?" "Then okay." "Ooga mooga, motherfucker." "Do you understand that?" "Fuck you, then, bitch." " Oh, hoo-hoo, shit." " Drunk motherfucker." "Whoa." "Oh, sheeet." "Oh." "Oh, you know what?" "You don't know who you talking to, 'cause you're acting like you're Boyz n the Hood, and shit." "Well, I'm got news for you, motherfucker." "I'm a Menace to Society, motherfucker, and I will fuck you up the best I could." "Fuck, man." "You're breath is a menace to society." "You spit on me again, I'll dig my finger in your fucking eye." "Yo, let's get out of here, man." "This is a bad idea, man." "I shouldn't have listened to you." "I want to see the show." "I want to see some titties." "All right, fellas." "Now, you play with fire, we brought you desire." "But now it's time to put them flames out, baby." "Now, I bring to you the one and only..." "Miss Spring Cow." "Yeah." "Let's go, man." "This is bullshit, man." "Boobies." "Oh, okay." "Okay." "All right." "Yeah." "Ah, let me make it nice and clean." "Let me fold it right." "Yeah, huh?" "What's this shit, cheap motherfuckers." "Oh, she's lippy." "That's my damn dollar." "That's what the fuck it is." "There's another stripper coming up over there." "She's got one goddamn leg." "Let's go, man." "Oh, my God!" "What the fuck kind of strip joint is this, man?" "Oh, man." "I am never going in another strip club again." "You see that raggedy wrinkled ass?" " That was her ass?" " That was her ass." "It was down to her ankles, man." "We should've never done this in the first place." "I told you it was a bad idea, man." " I didn't know." " Damn." "She was playing hacky sack with her titties, man." "Okay, that was too much." "But it's true, man." "What else could you do with titties hanging all the way down like that?" "What are we gonna do now?" "I don't know." "Let's get out of here, man." "Well, we're back to where we started." " Yeah." " Yeah." "You thinking what I'm thinking?" " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "Check it, there's one for each of us." "I bet you we could get as far as Stockton with these things." "Go around!" "We're not moving!" "Go around!" "Go around!" "Go..." "No buses for us!" "Right on!" "Just shut up!" "Love it." "Shut your mouth and go around!" "Ooh, watch this." "Watch this." "Oh, yeah!" "Where to now, Jamal?" " We should go get some girls, man." " We should." "Check out my racer, baby." "I know where to." "How about coming up with them scooters?" "Man, we're getting scooter-jacked!" " That's right." " Damn!" "Wait." "Okay." "We will." "But first, how tall are you, man?" "What?" "How tall are you, man?" "6'6"." "6'6"340, you about 6'6" 240." "You know, the guns are a little bit overkill." " Yeah." " Yeah." "You're big as fuck." "We're not gonna mess with you." "There you go." "No arguments here." "No arguments here." "But you still in my neighborhood." " Yeah, you're right." " We'll leave." "How about you go over there..." "You know what?" "Yeah, we're out of here." "I'm bored." "How about you dance for us right now?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Okay." "How about, uh, yeah." "How about a little soft shoe?" "Let me see you tap dance." "Do a little tap dance." "Okay." "Come on, white chocolate, give me something." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Now do the robot." "I am a robot." " Do an Iggy Shuffle." " That's it right there." "Iggy Shuffle, motherfuck..." "Do the Iggy Shuffle!" "Yeah, do it!" "Now move off your fucking ass out of my neighborhood!" "Get out of here!" "You're too big for it!" "Give it back!" "That tight-ass sweatshirt!" "Give it back!" "I'll..." "We just got scooter-jacked!" "Come on!" "Scooter..." "Here we go again." "What are we gonna do now, Jamal?" "Hell if I know." "Well, all I know is that all this job searching is making me hungry, and all I got is a..." "a dollar to my name." "There's a liquor store up the street." "Think I can get something for 99 cents?" "No." "Can I see that dollar?" "But..." "I want some Funyuns." "Excuse me boys, can you tell me where this address is?" "I need to find this house because I'm late for work." " Work?" " Job?" "Why do you need to find this address?" "Yeah, what for?" "Who are you?" "My name is Geraldine." "Geraldine Parker." "Oh, well, what are you doing in this neighborhood?" " Yeah." "Wha..." " Excuse me." "What do you do, 'cause you..." "Solving crimes?" "Excuse me, why are you asking all these questions?" "Really, it's none of your business." " Oh." " Well..." "Well, what do you do?" "What do I do?" "Do you really want to know what I do?" "Yes." "You know what?" "I'm gonna show you... what I do." "Boobies." "Big boobies." "Ah, is anybody looking?" "Oh, is anybody looking?" "Oh, man." "Is anybody looking?" "Now, that's what I do." "Now, can you tell me where the address is?" "It's that way." "That way." "That way." "Follow the arrow." "Bye, boys." "Bye, Miss Parker." "That is a nice..." "Hey, maybe we can get a job in here, all right?" "Hey, hold up." "Check this out, y'all." "Okay." "We y'all want to make this quick cash, or what?" "Oh, yes." "Like the Gary Coleman quick cash?" "All you gotta do is fill out this application." "That's all you need to know." "Okay." "All right." "That kind of hurt." "You didn't have to slam it in my chest." "Yeah, whatever." "Okay." "What the?" ""How many forties can you drink?" "Can you shoot a fool while driving?" "How many..." Oh, wait." ""Do you know how to cook crack?"" "There's a recipe for crack?" "I don't know how to cook crack." "Just fill it out, mark." "That's like Betty Cracker or something." "Wait a minute." "This is an application to be a gangster." " A thug?" " A thug." "I'm not trying to be no thug, man." "I don't want to be a thug." "It's not what you want to do, It's what you have to do." "And what you have to do is fill out this application before I bust a cap in your ass." "Oh, man." "You got a problem, we'll but a cap in your ass." "They got guns." "They got guns." "They got guns." "This ain't The Wizard of Oz, man." "Relax." "They got a gun." "I'm too young to die." "You don't think I know that?" "You don't think I know they have guns?" "Why you tripping now, huh?" "Before, we got jacked, you weren't tripping the last time." "And now why you tripping now, huh?" "Well, 'cause before, they were just jacking us for scooters, man." "These guys are jacking us for our lives, Jamal." "Oh, that's true, that's true." "Okay." "So I'm right?" "You're right." "You're right, man." "Okay, enough of this shit." "You gonna fill out the applications or what?" "Okay, wait, relax." "Hold on now." "Before you bust a cap in our ass, you know, we're not gonna do it." "Nice knowing y'all." "Let's just smoke these fools." "Come on, man." "Hey!" "Hey, that's one time!" "All right!" "Hey, hey, that's right." "Bust a cap in your ass?" "You gotta come up with something different than that." "I'm alive." "I'm alive!" "That was '93." "Boyz n the Hood!" " Jackasses!" " I'm alive!" " What was that?" " I thought I was..." "They're coming back!" "Jamal, they're coming back!" "Relax!" "They're not coming back." "Today's lesson is on Ebonics." "Hey, gentlemen, how can I help you?" "Yeah, we're here for a job." "You realize this is a tutoring center." "Yeah." "We can tutor our asses off." "Yeah, I can tutor." "It's not as easy as you think." "Do you have a college diploma?" "Man, we been to college." "High school transcript?" "Yeah, picking up brochures and shit." "Two forms of ID?" "Anything?" " Yeah, we got ID." " Sure." "Yeah, well, you're gonna have to take a test, also." "What?" "A test?" "You gotta take a test to work here?" "That's correct." "No, that ain't correct." "That's wack." "Hey, I'm sorry my information isn't helpful for you guys, but, if you please, I have to get back to work." "Hey, don't do that." "Don't do that with your hands." "This is wack." "Shut up, all right?" "We just gotta think." "No, I'm not good at that." " Oh, that's right." " Yeah." "Hey, don't do that to me." "I'll break your fucking hands." "There are seven rules to Ebonics." "Rule number 1:" "You can get rid of "to be"." "You can get rid of that." "For instance, uh," ""She sick today,"" "or "They talking 'bout your ass"." "Rule number 2:" "Replace all nouns, or you can repeat nouns and follow them with a pronoun." "For instance, "My fathah," parentheses "My father,"" "comma, "he smoke blunts."" "Rule number 3:" "You can get "do" out of there, too." "You can take that out of your sentences." "For instance, uh, "What you say about my momma?"" "Jamal?" "What?" "I'm still thinking." "Rule number 5:" "Get rid of the verb tenses." "Get that out of there, too." "For instance, um, let's see," ""I know it's good shit if she tell me"." "Oh, damn." "Today just isn't our day, Jamal." "Hey, man, I didn't know that finding a job would be so damn hard!" "This is some bullshit, man." "It sucks." "Also, you want to use the same verb for all subjects." "For instance, "I go," "You go," "He go,"" ""She go," "we go," "They go."" "You know, et cetera." "Rule number 6:" "Use few long vowels and diphthongs." "For instance, it's not "all right,"" "it's "a'ight"." "And it's not "What time is it?"" ""Do you have the tahm?"" "Tahm." "T-A-H-M." "Tahm, not time." "Tahm." "Okay." "Also, you want to get rid of the "R" out of most of your words." "For instance, you don't want more, you "want mo"." "You ain't looking for some reefer, you looking for some "reefah."" "Man." "Damn, Jamal." "What are we gonna do?" "We've been looking for a job all day." "So far, we haven't found a damn thing." "I don't know, man." "So what are we gonna do?" "I'm still thinking." ""Damn, those some tight wheelz."" "Wheelz-uh. "Z."" ""Damn, she got skillz." Got it?" "Also, you can take the "TH" out and replace that and spell it with a "D" or an "F."" "For instance, it's not "this," T-H-I-S." "It's "dis." You can also use it for "those," too." "You can use this right here." "Also, you ain't from "the dirty south," S-O-U-T-H, you from "the dirty souf." "Souf." Fff." "Got it?" ""F." Not "TH" at the end, "F."" "And those are the seven rules of Ebonics." "Any questions?" "Wait." "Yo." "I just came up with something." "I got an idea." "Well, what is..." "What is it?" "What..." "You..." "Tell me." "A church?" "What..." "How are we gonna get a job at a church?" "We're not getting a job at a church, stupid." " We're not?" " No." "Well, what are we doing here?" "We're gonna pray for one." " Hello?" " Yeah." "Sure, you can do that at a church." "Yes." "Let's go." "Pray that I don't beat your ass before you..." "Hello, my sons." "Welcome to the house of God." "Wow, God has got a nice crib." "And now how may we help you scrape yourself off of hell's floor?" "Uh, well, uh, Father..." "Well, Fathers, since there's two of 'em." "[chuckles]" "Jamal's got two daddies." "Shut up." "Continue, my son." "Um, uh, you know, we're just, uh, me and my homeboy, two struggling actors, you know, trying to make it, and, uh, we've been struggling for such a long time," "and it's just not working." "We haven't found shit, you know?" "Kumbaya, my Lord" "Kumbaya" "I'm sorry." "Forgive me." "Sorry." "So, um..." "Continue." "I was wondering..." " We." " What?" "We were wondering." "Oh, yeah, we were wondering if you could pray for us, you know, pray for us and help us become successful." "My shuns... sons, good things come to those who wait." "That's a toughie." "I can't get you..." "I can't get with you on that one, um, Fathers, because, um, it's hard to believe because, I mean, we've been in..." "I've been struggling since I was 13." "Okay, I've been in this business since I was 13." "I mean, come on, you know what I mean?" "I haven't had one speaking line, one speaking line in not one movie, okay, and look at me." "And I'm big now." "And so, I don't think I'm gonna be a movie star." "I just..." "I can't get with you on that one." "Yeah, I absolutely agree with Jamal because it's, like, you know, I remember" "I'm born, and it's like the next thing I know, bang." "I'm in my mid-twenties, and I'm still a virgin." "Okay." "Okay, okay, okay." "We will pray for you, if that's what you want." " Yes, yes." " Yes." "And let it be a good prayer." "I mean, a prayer that has to do with Hollywood and stuff." "Yeah, not like, some, like..." "We don't need to eat or anything." "Come forward." "Let us bow our heads for prayer." " Okay." " Okay." "I would like to do something special for you two lads." "Demons!" "Heresy!" "Lunacy!" "And any other ill parasites that might be living in there." "Be gone!" "You're supposed to be healing us?" "What was that?" "Sorry, chaps." "Sorry, sorry." "What..." "You broke my neck, man." "Anyway, anyway, off to the unemployment office." "The unemployment office!" "Yeah, man, you..." "I should kick..." "Man!" "Come outside this..." "Don't fall in the manhole." "Cheerio." "They can help you." "Love and kisses." "Your hand stinks." "Uh, sir, for this, you're going to need to take a drug test, please." "What?" "Nah." "I can't take a drug test." "I smoke too much weed for this, girl." "Damn, you fake-ass Marley." "What?" "Chill man." "Look." "Unemployment office." "I can feel it." "We're gonna get a job here." "'Cause they handle everything for you here." "Everything." "You don't even have to do anything." "They just give you a job." "That's it." "We should've come here first." "That's true, but I have a problem with unemployment office." "Man, that sounds like an office with no job." "It should be employment office so it gives you hope." "Jamal Overton?" "Dexter Williams?" " Yes, right here." " Here." " Hi." " Hello." "You guys are here for a job, right?" "This is the unemployment office, isn't it?" "Don't get smart with me." "I throw smart asses like you in the trash." "Now, what type of job are you here for?" "Uh, well, personally, I am looking for a blow job." "How much do you charge?" "Yo, man." "Cool out." " I'm sorry." "That was..." " That was a good one." "Don't make me call my man Ray-Ray up here." "He just got out of jail 20 minutes ago, and I can have him here in five." " Whoa." " What?" "You do not want to meet Ray-Ray." "Okay, we don't want to be beaten by Ray-Ray." "I will call my man." "I'm sure he's a tough guy." "Oh, he's real tough." "I mean, Ray-Ray." "He's double trouble." "Two names." "Yeah, two names." "Don't want to get killed by Ray-Ray." "Jobs, what kind of jobs can we have?" "Yes, can we have a job, please?" " Thank you." " Yes." " What types of jobs?" " The ones where you get paid." "What types of education do you gentlemen have?" "College?" "High School?" "Elementary?" "Yes, we've been through all of them." " Sure." " Yes." "Very educated." " Now we're talking." " Okay." " One second, please." " Look at the way I sound." "I laugh educated." "I laugh "Ha ha." I use my ha's when I laugh." "Talking about insulting me, saying I'm not educated." "Ray-Ray." "Two of 'em." "Two Ray's." "He must be double..." "I have three jobs available." "Three jobs?" "The highest paying job is The Blue Oyster Bar on Santa Monica." "All you need is blue biker shorts, and it's 7.75 an hour." "And we're not trying to be touched in the ass, so we're not gonna take that." "You guys must not want to make any money." "You want jobs, right?" "We must not want to get butt screwed." " That's what we don't want." " No." " Exit only." " Don't want that." "Exit." "Next job I have," "Slawson's Swap Meet, Tips and Toes." "I don't think so." "Do I look that ghetto?" "I don't even know what that is." "Exactly." "You see what I'm saying?" "I try to come to work," "I'm trying to help you guys out." "Ghetto is not a bad thing." "Ghetto is work, which you guys don't have right now." "Ghetto is you, and I'm getting sick of it." "Ghetto is just not only a word." "What is it?" "It's a place, and you live there." "I know." "You thought that..." "I don't live in that neighborhood." "Well, I do, and don't make me call Ray-Ray up here, 'cause he just got out of jail, and I will call him." " Well..." " Do not offend me, okay?" "I'm sorry, I don't want to..." "I'm trying to get you a job now, but do not piss me off." "We don't want to get beaten by Ray-Ray." "Just calm down." "What's the last job?" "Don't make me..." "Don't make me call him." "Don't call Ray-Ray." "I just got him out of jail." "I just bailed him out of jail." "Okay, we got it." "What's the last job?" "The last job is $6, take it or leave it." "We'll take it." "Have a good day." "Thank you very much." "Tell Ray-Ray." "Sounds serious." "I'll whoop Ray-Ray's ass." "That's what I'll do." "Girl, you know, these boys just came in here, talking harassment." "Hello." "Welcome to Booty Burger, where our motto is" ""If it isn't juicy, it isn't Booty."" "Can I take your order?" "Yeah, can I have a Booty Burger with cheese, extra Booty Sauce, small fry, and your momma's hot fudge sundae." "Would you like nuts on that sundae?" "Uh, yeah." "What kind do you have?" "We have hazelnuts, peanuts... and these nuts." "I'll take peanuts." "Oh." "Okay." "Damn." "Jamal, order up!" "Yeah, I hear you, man." "Damn." "I'm right here." "What's the matter?" "I quit, dude." "Well, you can't quit." "Yes, I can quit, man." "Why are you quitting?" "This shit ain't me." "Well, this job is all we got." "This is the job that you got, man." "I'm out of this bitch." "Where you going?" "I'm going home, and I'm gonna call my agent to see if we got any more auditions." "Bullshit!" "It's gonna be a while." "I'm not authorized to use the fry machine." "Jamal!" "Wait up!" "D..." "I don't know why I'm friends with him sometimes." "Wait!" "I got a message, I got a message." "Yeah." "Come on." "Oh, let's see." "Play." "Ah, man, my agent didn't even call, man." "Damn!" "Whoa, what's up, man?" "What you doing here?" "Well, I decided if you was gonna quit, I was gonna quit." "Wouldna leave ya hanging." "All right, man." "Just two times, dude." "Sorry, sorry." "You know what I was thinking about, man?" "I was thinking we should work for Mad Dog, man." "This job search shit, man, this ain't working, man." "It ain't working." "You know." "I think you were right before." "I think I'm ready to work for Mad Dog." "It's time to make some real money." "I hear what you're saying, man." "I'm tired of all this job searching, you know what I'm saying?" "I want to kill everybody like a cockroach." "Sí." "I want to get some girls, get a nice car." "And some other things." "And I want to talk like this for a couple of months." "That's what happens when you make money." "You start to talk like that." "Let's get out of here and go work for Mad Dog." " Let's go, man." " Yeah, let's go." "My little friend!" "Very loud." "How y'all bitches doing?" "Bitches?" "Bitches?" "Now, what the fuck?" "Who the fuck you calling a bitch, nigger?" "We will roll your ass up like some spunk-ass weed and smoke you." "Yeah, motherfucker, talking all that shit, but can you back it up?" "That's what I'm talking about." "That's what I'm talking about?" "Hold on, bitches." "Chill!" "Chill!" "Anyway, bitches?" "No, no!" "Hey, do you guys know where Mad Dog is?" "Yeah, we looking for Mad Dog." "He is in the garage, stupid." "Okay, okay, okay." "Back on up, yo." "You don't even know what gang we from." "Yellow and green, boy!" "You know nothing about our walk, boys." "Yo, show my walk, bro." "These bitch-ass Beverly Hills bitch-ass niggas." "Get your ass home." "I'm on that department." "Bitch." "Man." "Oh, man." "Your breath is on my neck, man." " It's hot." " Sorry." "Sorry." "Damn." "Who the fuck is that?" "Yo, it's us, man." "Who the fuck is us?" "Jamal and Dexter, that's who." "Yeah!" "What's the secret password?" "Weed." "Is that the secret password?" "All right." "Yo, man, where's Mad Dog at?" "Right here." "Yo, man, what's up?" "I got your message." "Nothing's up, motherfucker." "Man, enough with the jokes, man." "We're here for the job, man." "The job?" "The job?" "Oh, yeah." "The job." "Well, it all depend on whether or not you guys are down or not." "Down for what?" "Yeah, down for what?" "Well, I need both of y'all foolios to sell a couple packages for me on 87th and Crenshaw." "Yo, yo." "Hell, no." "No." "87th and Crenshaw?" "Are you crazy, man?" "What?" "What I do?" "Yo, we don't go that route, all right?" "87th and Crenshaw, man." "Fine, suit yourselves." "Good luck on finding a job." "I heard Booty Burger's hiring." "Yeah, we already heard about that." "Why don't you let Smokey's lazy ass do that shit for you, man?" "Yeah, why don't you let Smokey do it?" "Because I need Smokey to guard the door at all times." "This ain't Beverly Hills or some shit." "This is Bone Hills, remember?" "Yeah, but..." "Yeah." "Thanks, but no thanks." "Wait." "Wait a minute." "Where do you think y'all going?" "What, man?" "I know the procedure." "Every time you come and go at my crib, get high, then good-bye." "Do we have to do it, man?" "Yo, don't question him." "Just smoke it." "Get your hands out of my face, man." "Smoke that." "I don't even smoke blunts, man." "Yo, man, I'm getting tired of you." "I'm tired of this..." "I can't believe we're getting run by a stupid little doll, man." "You little black-ass termite." "Yeah, man." "Yeah." "That's what I'm saying." "Yo, man." "What y'all bitches looking at?" "That's your bitch, motherfucker." "Ah, man." "That was..." "Shit." "This is some bullshit, man." "Seriously, man." "This can't get any bullshitty... er." "Look." "See that?" "This dude right here?" "No." "He's slow." "The delivery places are always hiring." "We should get a job there." "You got a point." "Let's just wait till he gets back." "Beats the hell out of Booty Burger." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Hey, hey, hey." "What's up, man?" "Uh, you're working for that Eminem soul food place, right?" "Yeah?" "So?" "You're a delivery guy?" " Yeah." " So..." "Yeah, are they hiring?" "You know what I'm saying?" "All the time." " Word?" " Cool." "You don't have to take a test, do you?" "'Cause I choke on tests." "What test you going to take to take a bag to a damn house?" "Guys, it's not ITT Tech." "Hey, hey." "Hey, hey." "ITT Tech, that's a good school." "I went..." "I went for, like, a semester." " He flunked out, though." " Yeah." "Relax." "That's a good school." "How did you get this job, man?" "My Uncle Tookie." " Your Uncle Tookie?" " Yeah." "So you basically got hooked up without having to work hard, huh?" "So we can get a job there, huh?" "It's just right here off of Crenshaw." "We're not related to Tookie." "Don't trip." "We need people right now." "You're gonna hookie us with Tookie?" " Yes." "Hook you with Tookie." " Cool." "We're gonna be hookie with Tookie." " Cool." "That rhymes." " So do we have to be..." "Yo, why don't you... why did you change your shoes, dude?" "They were too small." "They hurt my feet." " I got blisters..." " All right, man..." "Wait, wait, dude." "Look at his shoes." "They're fucking dirty." "Do you let them..." "Maybe he'll work in the kitchen." "He'll work in the kitchen?" " I'll..." " Right down..." "You can't..." "Man, come on..." "All right, should be gone." "All right." "Okay." "Cool." "You can give us a ride?" "Yeah, that would be all right." "Why are you stuttering, dude?" "'Cause I told you, I was off of Crenshaw, but I'll give you guys a ride." "Okay, don't drop us off anywhere around..." "Nah, it's cool." "It's a safe neighborhood." "Lot of gangsters out here." "All right." "Am I wearing a..." "Is this a color of a gang?" "No." " All right." " Let's move." "Can I help you guys?" "My deliveryman says you're applying for the driver position." "Yeah." "He said you guys were hiring, so we're ready to be hired." "Yeah, we are, but there's only one position." "We'll take it." "We'll take it." "Both of you?" " Yeah." " Who needs two positions?" "Right?" "With one, it makes it easier." "So how are you going to split it?" "What..." "Yeah." "I mean, I'll do, like, one hour, and he'll do, like, an hour..." "Or..." "Or you can drive there, and I'll drive back." "So you do have a car." "No." " No?" " No." "Driver's license?" "Negative, nope." "All right." "You do know this is a driver position." "How do you expect to deliver soul food if you don't have a car or a driver's license?" "The bus." "That's good." "That's a good one." "Yeah." "Oh..." "Yeah!" "Man..." "Where are we going." "We need a job." "What are we going to do?" "I don't know, man." "I'm still thinking, man." "Just..." "Look over there." "Hey, boys." "Hey." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Yeah." "I sure am." "I'd like to go over there and be like..." "Ms. Harrison's fine." "Man, chill with that, man." "It's nasty." "What?" "Look like you're having a seizure, man." "You're right." "That was..." "I'm sorry." "I'm not talking about that, man." "Except I'd like to go over and made..." "I'm talking about him right there." "Yeah." "Wait a minute, Mr. Postman." "You're looking at me, punk?" "Ain't nobody fucking else is." "You must be looking at me." "Come on, punk." "Do something, punk." "Who is this?" "My friend's father, who owns a gun shop, so he should have a job for us." "Cool, cool, cool, cool." "Excuse me, sir?" "Jamal?" "Jamal?" "Jamal?" "Go on!" " Get out of here." " No!" "It's not worth staying." "Get out of here!" "I'm not leaving you." "No!" "No!" "Why did you shoot my friend?" "Why?" "He didn't do anything to you." "Why?" "Give me your phone." "Hi." "I'm Lisa." "What city, please?" "Uh, my friend's been shot!" "Uh, sorry, sir." "I..." "I have no listing." "Bi-Bitch!" "My friend has been shot!" "Excuse me?" "What about my friend has been shot do you not understand?" "Am I speaking English?" "Sir, I think you're trying to reach 911." "Oh." "What number is this?" "411." "Oh, shit." "I'm sorry." "That's totally..." "That was my fault." "I'm sorry about that." "No problem." "Okay, Cool." "Hi." "Lisa." "What city, please?" "Yeah, hi, Lisa." "It's me again." "Uh, what was that number?" "Uh, 911, sir." "911." "Got it, got it." "Cool." "Thank you, thank you." "Hey, what... what are you doing?" "That nigger gonna be okay." "What..." "He..." "Did..." "You..." "God..." "Die!" "Die!" "Die!" "You motherfucker, die!" "Die." "That's paint." "It's paint." "Hey." "Hey, man, what the fuck are you doing?" " Jamal?" " What the fuck are you doing?" "Jamal, you're alive!" "Yeah, it's paint!" "Paint, man!" "You're alive!" "Oh, you're alive!" "You're alive!" "You're freaking on me, man!" "Stop!" "I was going to tell your friend it's a paint gun." "I thought you were dead." "Ah, man, no, man." " It's good acting, right?" " Yeah." "Liked that, huh?" "Yeah." "Act my ass off." "I was like," ""Get..." "Ohh, get outta here" and shit." "You saw me die, like, eight times." "Shit." " I studied that shit." " That was good." "Dying and shit, yeah." "So, uh... that would be..." "You hiring, man?" " Nope." "No openings." " Fuck." "All right." "I'm sorry about the whole choking thing." " Yeah." " Yeah, I have anger issues." "Yeah, next time, I'll be busting a cap on your ass." " Okay, then." " Okay, Barry White." "What the fuck is the deep voice for?" "That was good acting, huh?" "He cocked and got shit on me!" "This paint ball shit hurts!" " Shit!" " Quit crying." "Where are we going?" "I don't know, but I gotta go home and change, man." "I can't go to a job looking like this." "What do you mean?" "It's..." "The day's almost over." "I don't care!" "I'm not gonna go looking like this!" "Look!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey." " Hey." "I got an idea." " What?" "There's a laundromat around the corner." "Why don't we go there, and we can clean your shirt." "All right, fine." "Let's go." "All right." "Let's go." "Look, Spike, the budget won't let us shoot that scene again." " Okay?" "We're way over already." " Right." "I know, I know, but look." "Jasmine, I like these." "Remember those two guys that came last at the audition?" " There's something about 'em." " What?" "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait." "Look at this!" "Look at this!" "Come on, now." "Spike, he did not play the lead in Jerry Maguire!" "I know, but this is the last day of principal photography." "We have to get this shot." "Jasmine, you know I talked to the distributor." "They said if we don't turn in 82 minutes, we're not gonna get the million-dollar advance, so we have to give these two bozos a break." "The last 50 actors said no." "I know." "I know." "I..." "I just..." "Look." "Please." "Jasmine." "Please." "Just place the call." "Dee, look, we can take the budget out of the next films to make up for it." "But let's give these guys a break." "It's only a couple thousand dollars." "You know what I'm saying?" "What's a couple thousand dollars?" "What's a couple thousand dollars?" ""A couple thousand dollars," he says." "Place the call." "Place the call." "All right." "So I'll call this guy," " you call that guy." " Okay." "Fine." " Yeah, son." " Where the hell is my phone?" "Yeah, son." "Hey, give me that." " What?" " It's my phone." "Gimme my phone." " This is a big-ass phone." " Yeah." "Looks like a damn walkie-talkie." "10-4." "Breaker breaker." "This is Go Legal." "Go Legal, can you hear me?" "You didn't prepay any of my prepaid minutes." "Yeah." "I got Nextel mailing me a phone today." "They gonna send it today, and it looks like a real phone, not a walkie-talkie." "So..." "Okay." "Whatever." "Yeah." "Okay." "You couldn't even get a prepaid phone with your credit." "That's a good one." "You know what I'm gonna do with this big-ass phone?" "Whatcha gonna do, Go Legal?" "Yeah." "I'm gonna call our agent, have him come meet us out back so we don't have to deal with Mrs. Bundy." "How 'bout that one?" "Smart guy." "Okay." "Copy that." "10-4." "Breaker, breaker, Go Legal." "Uh... my minutes are up." "Look like my wing's real tired." "Can't do nothing about that." "It's so exciting." "Excuse me, ladies." "Not till the check clears." "Can I help you?" "Yeah, right." "How much?" "We'll be there in two hours." "All right." "Ladies..." "let's go make some money." "Oh, yo." "Door." "That might be it." "Might be my phone, boy!" "Yeah!" "Yes!" "Who is it?" "!" "Special delivery." "Yes, sir!" "Come on in!" "Come on in." " Hurry up, man." " Yeah." "Uh, yeah." "I got a package for Jamal?" "That's me right there!" "Jamal!" "Yeah!" "Yo, why is my..." "Why is my box open, dawg?" "I don't know, man." "I'm just here to..." "How the hell don't you know?" "You the only one with it, man." "That's a federal offense!" "Opening people's mail's a federal offense, man." "Did you know that?" "You trying my phone out?" " Nah." "I didn't..." " What do you mean, no?" "Man, what the fuck?" "Why you trying my phone out, man?" "That's..." "Hey!" "Thanks a lot, man." "I knew you guys were in here." "Wow." "We finally got the money." "Listen." "Check." "Now." " Finally." " The rent is due." "There it is." "There are..." "This just came from the bank." "There are checks." " Okay, that's..." " Lots of checks." "No." "No." "Blank checks that I am gonna write on" " with money..." " He's gonna do it." "I'll wait." "Yes." "I let him do it." "Sign them to you." "He's trustworthy." "You wouldn't trust me if I were signing the checks, so we have the white guy to do it." "All right!" "Okay!" " Okay!" " Yes." "No, I'll wait right here." " No!" "Don't!" " No." "I'll wait..." "Just stay right there for a second!" "Yo, Dexter." "Ramon." "Hey, Jamal with you?" "Good." "Well, guess what, man." "You booked the role." "Yeah." "We coming to pick you up in about 20 minutes, so be ready." "Hey, I heard Denzel is in this." "All right?" "So don't screw it up." "What's the part?" "Do we got hair and makeup?" "Are there sides?" "Is the check cleared?" "Yeah." "Yup." "Hey, you gotta be ready in 20 minutes, man." "I'm gonna pick y'all up." "Are there midgets?" "Why do you gotta ask shit like that, man?" "This is the first time you booked a speaking role, and that's what you concerned about?" "Do they got Craft Service?" "I'll tell you what, ladies." "I make stars out of everybody." "I'm so excited!" "Oh, my God!" "What if we get a speaking role in one of his movies?" "Oh, my God." "Mama's gonna be so proud of us." "I've never been in a limo." " Can you believe it?" " Oh, y'all ain't..." "Y'all ain't never been in a limo?" " No." " Yeah." "That..." "You know, I own this company." "This my company." "You know, I normally don't drive, but I..." "I figured I would drive today because of what was going on." " But I got, like, 13 cars." " Well!" "I got a..." "I got a Hummer." "I got the big Hummer truck." "I got a..." "I got a Escalade." "We'd..." "We'd love to be in a Hummer!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, yeah." "I'd make you hum." "You look like that one girl." "You look like a Colby killer." " But I know that ain't you." " A Colby killer?" "I don't really think so." "But, uh..." "Do I get a trailer with hookers in it?" "I always look out for you, man." "Be ready in 20 minutes." "Um, who else is gonna come tonight?" "Do you know?" "I can get y'all a SAG voucher." "You need a SAG voucher?" "I can hook y'all up with that." "SAG voucher?" "What's a SAG voucher?" "You know..." "No, we're here to be stars, not to be a SAG voucher." "Yeah." "Oh, you know, we all stars." " You know, we all are." " Yeah." "Some people come here to be a star." "Some people end up just being hos." "But that ain't y'all, I know." "You're giving me a headache." "I'm trying to concentrate and talk to the stars." "Okay?" "Hey, you know how to get to Ro..." "Rodeo?" "Oh, you mean Rodeo?" "You talking about Rodeo?" "Or Rodeo?" "'Cause Rodeo, that's in Beverly Hills." "But Rodeo," "I can take you to Rodeo and Crenshaw." "Now, you know, they got that Bill Pickett Rodeo." "You know, the black Dude, the Bill Pickett Rodeo?" "Now, that ain't in town right now." "But I can take ya'll down there when they come 'cause they do the Universal Soul Circus, too, with the Bill Pickett." "But that's a whole 'nother Rodeo." "But I'll tell ya what." "Y'all want to go to Rodeo and Crenshaw?" "Okay, I got you." "Rodeo..." "Rodeo and Crenshaw." "All right, man." "We'll be there in 20 minutes." "Bye." "Rodeo." "Go figure that shit." "Fuck that." "He's on his way." "He's just picking up our wardrobe, baby." "Yeah, baby!" "Yeah..." "Movie star!" "Move us to Hollywood!" "Here we come." "Hollywood." "Hollywood, baby." "That's right, I'm ready." " You ready for that?" " I'm ready." "I was born ready." "Hollywood Walk of Fame." "I'll tell you, it's over, man." "Yeah, I'm not gonna be playing Superman again." "Wesley, Denzel, all of 'em... they done!" "Where's my talent?" "I needed 20 on my talent." "Are you sure you want to use those bozos?" "I mean, they never even had a speaking part before." "Jamal!" "What?" "What did you do with my hair gel?" "I don't know, motherfucker." "Look in the cabinet, man." "Oh." "Right." "Yeah." "Yeah!" "Are you choking?" "No, man!" "I'm beatboxing!" "Oh, 'cause I can do the Heimlich maneuver." "I know I told you." "We only have ten days to make this movie." "We only had a camera for ten days." "I need this shot." "Please, Dee." "Please, Jasmine." "You guys are my producers." "I need this shot." "All right." "All right." "I'm on it." "All right?" "I'm on it." "Yo, man." "We got trouble, dude." "Yeah." "I know." "Everybody Hates Chris meets Desperate Housewives." "It's called Inglewood." "No, man." "Mrs. Bundy's trying to get in here!" "Oh, man." " What?" " Our agent's here with two fine breezies and a limo!" "And Mrs. Bundy?" "And a I..." "Oh." "Damn, it's like trouble but not trouble, but..." "Is Mrs. Bundy wearing a bra today?" "'Cause I like it when she doesn't wear a bra." "She's got a little nipple, man." "Look, someone, call their agent, for Christ's sakes." "Jasmine, call the agent." "Yeah, we flying in." "We're about five minutes away." "You got the check?" "All right." "Good." "All right, you guys are gonna be working with Spike Leroy." " He's got a five picture..." " Spike Leroy!" "He's got a five-picture deal on the table." "Don't fuck it up." "Man, we ain't gonna fuck..." "I mean, a five-picture deal." "Maybe we'll fuck up two movies 'cause every actor gets a couple failures, but other than that, we in." " What we need is two good ones." " Don't fuck it up." "I won't..." "That is awesome." "He gonna fuck it up, not me." "I was born to do this." " What?" " Born." "Where's the food?" "Craft Services." "Right." "The food?" "I said soul food, not tofu!" "The company's doing what it was meant to do." "I want to sign with you right now." "Me, too." "So, uh, um..." "when do we get our check?" "Look, man..." "I saw that mob outside your penthouse." "Don't worry about it." "I've got you." "Right now, it's about you two." "It's not about me." "It's not about him." "It's not about you ladies yet." "But it's about you guys." "All right?" "All right." " Yeah!" " Yeah, mother!" "Um, check it out." "We would like a five-page article in Hollywood Reporter on the 32nd." " Yeah." " Yeah?" "Done." "Yeah!" "It's not in the budget!" "The budget?" "Look." "We don't have any more money." "All right, Spike Leroy?" "This is it." "You have no more shots!" "That's it!" "Jasmine." "Does Spielberg care about a budget?" "No." "Dee." "Does John Singleton care about a budget?" "Uh, yeah." "You know what?" "You might be right." "But anyway, this is the scene of the millennium, you guys!" "I gotta get this shot, you guys!" "Please!" "You guys are my producers!" "If we don't get this shot, we don't make our total run time." "The distributor's gonna be very upset at us." "Look, I know we have four more films to shoot, but we need to get this shot to complete this film." "We got four more films to do." "I promise we won't go over budget on the next film." " Now, I promise." " Hey, yo, look." "Yo!" "Our talent's here!" "Hey, get 'em in hair and makeup right now." "Right now." "Hey." "Look..." " Nico." "...going down..." "Couple of fools just got here." " I can't believe they're here." " Sir." "I'm just waiting for two more extras." "Oh, they just walked up." "Our stars are here." ""Stars." You need to complete today." "All right?" "You need to complete today." "Now I can complete my scene." "I got my two stars." " Yes!" " Let's get 'em" " in hair and makeup." " All right!" "Let's get it going." "Back on the set ASAP." "Right." "Right." "What about our check?" "Yeah." "We gotta get paid." " Gotta get paid." " Check with your agent." " Let's go." "Let's go." " Check with our agent?" "What are you..." "Come on, man, I'm a star." "Don't push me, man." "Oh, look at this." "Hair and makeup." "Yeah!" "How you feeling, Jamal?" "You feeling good?" "I'm good." "How are you?" "You?" "I'm good." "Good." "I'll be doing a lot better when we get our damn checks." "That's what I'm talking about." "Look at the chairs." "More like those directors, man." " Action!" " I said cut!" "Yeah!" "Hey!" "Get off the set now!" "I can't work with this." "I like that one." "I like it!" "Yeah!" " Okay!" " You doing good?" "You feeling good?" " I'm feeling good, man." " Good." "What about you?" "You gonna, you know..." "Like this." "Bring me my smoothie." "I said latte, damn it!" "Damn it!" " How's that, huh?" " I like it." " You see the lean?" "The lean?" " Yeah, yeah." "That lean like that?" "That's good." "Look at this right here." ""Not liable for bodily injury when performing stunts."" "Wait a minute." "No, I ain't performing no damn stunts." "No." "I don't know how to do that." " I ain't performing shit." " Oh, shit, no!" "I'm not doing that shit." "They have people to do that." "All right, man..." "No, no." "No." "This..." "We need..." "No." " I'm not signing this." " Yeah." "I'm..." "I'm not, either." "No." "I'm not signing it." " I'm not signing it." " No." " We made a..." " Ramon." " We gotta talk to him." " Talk to Ramon." " Let's get him." " Oh, man..." " Yo, Ramon, man, what is this?" " What's up?" ""Bodily injury"? "Own stunts"?" "I ain't doing my own stunts, man." "You guys, you gotta pay your dues when you start off, man." "This is your first speaking part." "You got any idea what I had to do to pull these strings, man?" "Well, I'm..." "I'm not signing it." "Yeah." "I..." "I'm not signing either, man." "This..." "I'm not gonna hurt myself." "I guess I can give these checks back." "I mean to say I'm not signing it unless I'm smiling when I'm signing it." "You know, um..." "'Cause that's a lot of zeroes." "I'd do car explosions." " I'll set myself on fire." " Yeah." "Look." "See, 'cause I've been practicing my signature." " Here you go." " Okay." "Call me Blackie Chan." "I'll do all of mine." "You know what I'm saying?" "Hey, I'm signing in Spanish, too." "Sí." "Here you go." "You know what I'm saying?" "Oh, man!" "I was..." "We was just trying to keep you on your toes, man." " I know, man." " You know what I mean?" "You know, we just wanted to see... test you out." "You know?" "That's all I was doing?" "Right?" "I wasn't really complaining." "I was just expressing my... my passion" " for the... for the... for the contact." " Right." "Right." "You know what we were doing?" "Acting." " We were acting." " There you go." "We were acting like we were pissed off" " about the stunts." " All right." " Okay." " Is there a Check 'n Go" " anywhere close by?" " Yeah." "I want to cash this right away." "Um... couple of blocks down there." "And I hope you ain't acting like this is not gonna bounce." "Naw, it ain't gonna bounce." "It's good." " All right, gentlemen." " Just checking." " All right." " All right." "All right, look, this is what's going on." "We gonna capture a wide shot, and we're gonna move in for a two shot." "Then we want to get a close-up, and that should be it." "And we'll do a couple different angles, you know, get the coverage, and that should be a wrap." "You got it?" " Got it." " All right, great." "All right, Spike, we gotta go, we gotta go." "All right, here we go, here we go." "Yo, yo, yo." "Don't move." "The cops are getting outta the car right now." "Man, what did I tell you, man?" " Don't go turning and shit, man." " Oh, I'm sorry." "When a black man says "Don't move," you don't move." " Okay." " That's real." "I'm vibrating." "Let's see if these guys' plates are clean." "Yeah." " It's Ramon, our agent, baby." " Yeah!" "What's up, Ramon?" "My man, ¿qué pasó?" "Yeah, man." "Now, this star stuff is easy, baby." "It's a cakewalk." " Yeah, easy, man." " Yeah." "Yo, Dee, I know I been taking a lot of takes, man, but do you think I can shoot out the rest of the film?" "No." "I'm selling 'em back to the vendor." "Sorry, Spike." "All right, all right, all right." "Yeah." "I'm with Spike Leroy right now." "His next film is Single Black Female." "I'm gonna try to hook you boys up on this." "You bet." "All right." "It's what I do, baby." "All right." "Yeah." "And... action!" "The plates check out." "Everything looks good." "It's clean." "They don't look legit to me." "Let's go check 'em out." "All right." "Maybe we can, uh, confiscate some bootleg mix CDs." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Actually, Jamal and I really wanted to say thank you for this." "You know, you are the best agent in Hollywood." " ¡Gracias, numero uno!" " Nice!" "¡Sí!" "Oh, hey." "You know what?" "You know what?" "We gotta go." "We gotta get busy" " being stoned!" " You said it!" "Yeah, baby!" "Step out of the vehicle." "Look, it's the booby patrol!" "We got a wise guy here." "Come on, let's move." "Let's move." "Let's go." "All right." "All right." "Here we go." "What's your na..." "Yo, man, come on." "I'm gonna give you a autograph, man." " You just have to ask." " I don't need your autograph." "Damn, dawg!" "Aw, man, relax!" "Great job!" "Cut." "Cut." "Great job." "Great job, gentlemen." "Great job." "You guys are on the way to making stars." "All right, let's do it one more time." "One more for safety." "I know I said that last time, but one more for safety." "You've got a heck of a grip." "Great job." "Great job." "One more." "One more take." "One more take, Dee." "One more take." "And... action!" "Come on, let's go!" "Let's move." "Okay, hold on, hold on." "Now I'm a superstar." " I take my time." " Booby patrol." "Oh, we got a wise guy." "Get the hell out the car right now." "Okay." "We're superstars." "Just..." "Hey." "Wait." "Jesus, man." "Like I say, if you want an autograph..." "Broken death grip." "I think I cracked my ass." "Uh, you know what?" "That was great, but you know what?" "There's something missing." "You know what?" "Give me these rubber batons." "We..." "You know what?" "I'm gonna go get the real ones." "I need this shit to feel real." "You feel me?" "It needs to feel real." "I'll be right back." "No, no." "That's okay!" "Spike Leroy, we like..." " What are..." " Leroy!" "What are you doing?" " He went to get the..." " Real ones." "We need to make this scene feel real, you guys." "This is the hero shot." " All right?" " It's Method acting." "It's Method." "Method." "We're gonna take it from the top." "Take it from the top." "I know we did take 15, but one more take." "This is..." "We gotta make it feel real." " All right." " These are real." "These are real?" "Oh, man." " Let's do it." "Let's do it." " Okay." "All right?" "Let's go." "Cool, man." "From the top." "From the top." "All right." "Make it feel real." "I got grass on me." "All right." "Real." "Real!" " Real." "Real." " Let's do it." "Be, like, Method acting." "Method, baby." "All right." "It's gonna be really real." "Realer than real." "No, super real." "Here we go." "Here we go." "Yeah." "Yeah." "All right." " And... you guys are stars now!" " Ready." " Okay!" "Yeah!" " We're stars!" "We're superstars!" " All right, shoot." " Action!" " All right." " Come on, let's go." "Step out of the vehicle." "The booby patrol!" "Oh, we got a wise guy." "Get the hell out the car." "Okay." "All right." "I'm outta the car." "Okay." "All right." " That hurts!" " Wait, hey, come on, man." "Watch the muscle." "I just finished working out." " Go!" " Ow, man!" " What is this?" " What's going on?" "Just calm down, cops!" "We..." "We'll give you an autograph if you want, right?" " No." " You have a pen?" "Come on now." "All right, cut." "Cut." " How's that?" " Now we'll get into..." " The beating?" "...the actual beat-down." " Okay, clear..." " This is the beat-down." "This is..." "I studied this." "I studied this." "Yeah, don't..." "Don't hit so hard." "Don't hit 'em so hard." "I know these are real..." "real billy clubs, but, uh, you know, we need this scene to feel real." "Okay, great." "You got some padding for us so we, you know..." " You got padding?" " No budget for padding." "No budget for padding, huh?" "All right, here we go." "And... action!" "Oh, that..." "Mr. Policeman..." "stop it, Mr. Policeman." "Mister..." "Ohh!" "Police..." "Stop it!" "Cut, cut, cut, cut." "All right." "That was good." "Got it." "Reaction?" "Great job, great job." "It is so real, you guys." "That's awesome." "So awesome." "Great job, D." " Great job." " I can't feel my legs!" "Now we need the reaction." "The reaction shots." " What?" " What?" "Reaction?" "Look, man!" "That's great." "We gonna sell this movie, you guys." "Sell this movie!" "Just one more for safety, and then that's a wrap." "All right?" "All right, here we go." "And... action, you guys." "God!" "How you feeling, man?" "Oh, I'm..." "I feel good." " We're stars, baby." " Stars!" "Stars." "We're..." " We're celebrities." " Yeah." "We're celebrities." "We did it." "Superstars!" "And cut!" "That's great, you guys." "Now let's take 15." "You guys are stars now!" "Yeah!" "All right." " Awesome!" " Thank you, thank you." "Yeah." "All right, don't call us." "We'll call you." " Okay." " All right." "What does this mean?" "Is this what stars go through?" "Yeah." "Is that what it is?" "I'm just gonna lay down for a while on the concrete." "Oh, I'm sleepy." "Y-Yes!" "We did it!" " We made it!" " Finally!" "Look out, Denz." "Look out, Denzel, your mama's coming." "Yeah." "Awesome!" "Yes!" "Hey, Jamal?" "Do you..." "What's up, man?" "Do you have your half of this month's rent?" "Hell, no." " Yeah, me, either." " Crazy." "Oh, I don't think we're ever gonna get the rent." "Cut." "Great job, you guys." "Subtitles by LeapinLar"