"Isn't she the winner of the hog-throwing contest three years in a row?" "Wanna wrestle?" "I got to make one last run, Jess." "The only thing I saw coming this way was a little old ice cream truck... with naked babies painted on the side." "Go ahead." "You seen Mother Goose?" "You might recognize the historical significance of this little building... by the familiar sign there on the door." "Darn it, Bo." "Anything goes wrong around here, you always blame me." "Why is that?" "'Cause you never do nothing right." "The weight was all wrong on that arrow." "Here." "Watch this." "You can't even hit the ground with your hat." "And I get all the flak." "Ain't we off to a good start?" "Hey, Robin Hood, those are supposed to be duds." "only you could mix in a live one with a detonator cap." "Who in the world would blow up an outhouse?" "I don't know how it happened, uncle Jesse." "I was making duds from the dynamite casings so we couId" "My car magazines." "I must've put the real dynamite next to the box with the duds." "Bo, you got the IQ of a turnip." "A small one." "You have exactly one week, both of you... to have a brand new one sitting right there." "And you got...." "We got company coming." "Five years of car magazines, all blown to...." "Old Jesse was always big on reconstruction... and this might be the moral of our story... except it's only just beginning." "That's Swamp Molly." "Her name tells you a lot about her." "Old Molly's seen a lot of history in Hazzard County." "She's made a little of it, too." "Too bad it ain't the kind you can put in the schoolbooks... because it'd sure help to keep the kids awake." "That ain't company, it's just Swamp molly." "The only time she comes around is when she wants something." "Nine times out of ten it's uncle Jesse." "You boys mind your manners." "She saved me from the Feds once." ""Back in the fall of '36."" "And she won't never let us forget it." "Cousin alice and I have brought you some sourwood honey." "Cousin alice?" "Isn't she the winner of the hog-throwing contest three years in a row?" "That's the seIf-same one who's been saving herself for you." "That ain't funny, Luke." "I still got them bruises she gave me last time she was here." "You keep your feet moving, that way she won't get ahold of you." "You go say hello to uncle Jesse, alice." "Hey, uncle Jesse." "Hey, alice." "Thank you." "Wanna wrestle?" "She gets right down to it, don't she?" "I meant before I go." "I got me a new book on wrestling holds... and ain't nobody to practice on except the bear." "You behave, alice." "Here, Jesse, I made you some of my green tomato pie." "Good." "You're looking a little bit peaked, Jess." "How about I brew you up some herb tea?" "Not now, molly." "Before you start up with one of them schemes of yours..." "I want you to remember that them two boys in there..." "they're on probation." "Jesse, how you talk." "AII right, if you ain't got the time or inclination...." "Let's just serve up the pie." "You and alice can stay as long as you want." "The boys never could figure what that strange hold was... that Molly had over their Uncle Jesse." "To their minds, that old debt had been paid, with interest, twice over... before they were even born." "Now what?" "What they didn't quite understand... was this story is about honor." "You don't have to worry about it, Boss." "I've got everything under control." "It's better than I thought." "Rosco... it took us years to put a lid on Swamp molly's operations." "Remember, she's not only ugly as sin... she's sIipperier than a water snake in a grease pit." "That don't matter." "I got a way to get her, and I'm gonna get her." "Rosco, I don't believe you'II do that any quicker... than I am gonna get the hang of these wretched disco steps..." "I promised to Iearn me to please your fat sister, my wife." "You'II learn them, Boss, just like I Iearned my new operational procedure." "Wait till you see it." "Over." "AII I wanna see are results." "We got a tight lid on Swamp molly... and I sure don't want her starting up again." "Yes, sir." "It's a matter of honor." "No, it ain't." "No, it ain't." "It's a matter of pure greed." "Get moving, or I'II have your tail in a wringer." "That's a 10-4, little fat buddy." "I'm gone." "Enos?" "Yes, sir." "Give me these." "Yes, sir." "will you give them to me?" "I'm going out to reconnoiter." "I want you to stay here and get on the horn." "You want me to honk the horn?" "Enos, I don't want you to honk the car horn." "I want you to get on the field telephone." "I bought these at the army surplus this morning." "What?" "I thought commandos were supposed to crawl down on their bellies." "Everybody can see you coming, standing up like that." "If there's one thing I know how to do..." "it's when to walk and when to crawl." "Yes, sir." "You ever see anyone set themselves up for comments like old Rosco does?" "It's that nephew of mine, Jess." "The one at yale Divinity school." "He's going into his last year." "And business has been so bad." "I wish that I was strong like in the old days." "Like that time I was able to help you escape from the Feds." "Back in '36, I believe that was." "That time you come so close... to spending the rest of your days behind bars." "AII right, molly." "What is it you want this time?" "simple." "The boys pick up a truck at the Hazzard County line... and drive it to the swamp landing." "And this stuff would make you proud, Jess." "I'm hauling prime." "please help me." "Look at that." "Old Sheriff Rosco sure knows how to crawl, don't he?" "This is Red Dog." "Well, ain't nobody perfect." "Sure you got to do this, molly?" "I got to make one last run, Jesse." "She's prime." "blue Fox, this is Red Dog." "I'm on target." "Okay, sure." "What now?" "Dang it, Enos, will you please use the military code?" "Okay, Hound Dog." "It's not Hound Dog, it's Red Dog, you dipstick." "Yes, sir." "I still don't know, Luke." "Sheriff Rosco after molly, and that means Boss Hogg, of course... and probably some other real mean moonshiners." "I think it's awful risky driving that truck." "I think you ought to let me do it." "uncle Jesse would never allow it." "She's right, though." "Rosco's really gonna have a lookout on that truck." "If that's the case, why don't we transfer the contents to another vehicle?" "We can't do that." "molly told us she'd have the truck locked up." "I think you better let me go along." "We could use a little insurance, though." "Cooter!" "Cooter Davenport?" "Come on, he'd be about as helpful as a flea in a hound's ear." "We take the truck to Cooter, have him disguise it... and then make molly's run in broad daylight." "Yeah, old Rosco would never figure on that." "Boss, good news!" "Boss, you know I have dreamed, I have prayed for this day, and this is it." "This is our day." "I sure hope something good happens today." "These disco maneuvers are driving me swimmy-headed." "That party is tonight." "And lulu will have a fit if she winds up a wallflower again." "Never mind lulu's flower." "Listen, this is important." "You know I've been tracking Swamp molly for three months now." "Today she led me up Jacob's ladder into the land of glory, so to speak." "Land of glory?" "What are you talking about?" "These pictures." "Look at this." "Swamp molly is gonna make a whiskey run... and she's got the Duke boys involved in it, too." "I declare." "Rosco, looks like you took a correspondence course in brains... and actually passed." "No, I didn't." "But I did take one in photography." "Them ain't half bad, are they?" "I developed those myself." "You know the trouble I have?" "I have trouble with my focusing." "Rosco, I don't want no lecture." "AII I want is that old hag's moonshine." "And you're gonna get it." "If I couldn't put a lid on her... at Ieast I can dry her up for my own profit." "We got the pictures, but I also got more surprises for them Duke boys." "And I tell you, rain, shine, haiI or storm..." "I'm telling you, I've got them." "Get out of here." "In Hazzard, when everybody thinks they got everybody else pegged... ain't nobody right." "That's when the fun's just about to start." "will you come on?" "We got to put this barrier across this road." "I want it high and mean." "And when I say mean, I mean, mean." "And I want it done before tonight." "I'II do it." "What's wrong with you?" "blue Fox, this is Red Dog." "Do you read me?" "Come on." "I read you, Red Dog." "Have you seen Mother Goose?" "No, sir." "But I did spy a lame possum back yonder, by the hollow." "Let me tell you, even without Jesse's old debt to Molly... or that outhouse to rebuild... the boys would've found some way to make this run." "'Cause in Hazzard County there ain't no better entertainment... than beating out old Boss Hogg or the Sheriff." "Red Dog." "I got TweedIedee and tweedledum over here." "At the garage, as usual." "No sign of Mother Goose, though." "That's a roger." "What I want you to do, blue Fox, is to head over to Zebra sector." "Come on." "Is that mill Pond, Rosco?" "Enos, will you use the code?" "Yes, sir." "Cooter, ain't nobody in this county... can paint up signs and letters and pictures like you can." "And we're giving you a whole truck to fool with." "Y'aII telling me I can put anything I want on this truck?" "Yes, so long as it ain't dirty." "But we got to have it by tomorrow." "Yeah." "You got a deal." "You blew it." "What do you mean, I blew it?" "I got him to paint that whole truck for just the price of some paint." "Yeah, and I couId've talked him into paying us." "Didn't you ever read Tom Sawyer?" "It was a long night, but Rosco never did give up." "He had an image to uphold." "He was paying nearly $1 an hour for that roadblock man." "He wanted his money's worth." "I want this higher." "I want it mean." "I told you higher." "I mean, higher." "You understand "higher"?" "Creep." "I got the smoke bombs." "Yeah, we'd best do the works." "Get some oil for a spill, plenty arrows, and some dynamite." "That is, if Bo can remember the difference between the live stuff and the duds." "Luke, that's getting just a little bit old." "With Rosco hot on molly's trail, we better be ready for anything." "See what I mean?" "Did you ever see folks having more fun?" "Like they always say.:" "'"The family that plays together stays together. '"" "Red Dog, Daisy's on her way to work just like usual." "Can't I go home and take a nap now?" "The boys had a good plan." "The idea was for Rosco to see Dukes everywhere... but heading for the swamp." "Then Bo and Daisy would draw off the smokies... while Luke made a slow run right out in the open." "If this was any place except Hazzard County... I'd say things would go off without a hitch." "TweedIedee and Dum over at the garage again, Red Dog." "A work of art." "And you did it right across the street from the Sheriff's office." "I thought that'd be a nice little touch." "I'm telling you, Cooter, you did a fine job." "You're a regular Grandpa Moses." "I was of the mind to make you some of that crawdad bisque... you favored so out in the swamp." "I got almost all the ingredients." "What do you mean, almost?" "Cousin alice, why don't you go fish us up some crawdads?" "Me?" "alone?" "And what happens if somebody takes the notion... to assault my virtue?" "A person shouIdn't take no chances." "I'II just go along with you, Cousin alice." "I'II get my hat." "4:00." "Come on, them crawdads is awaiting!" "AII right." "I can't find Rosco anywhere." "Neither can I." "I got him." "And his barricade." "WouIdn't you know it?" "Right across the public road." "Looks like old Rosco's finally got it together." "Right here is where things really start cooking." "The only thing I saw coming this way was a little old ice cream truck... with naked babies painted on the side." "Them ain't naked babies, Enos, those are cherubs." "Dipstick." "My mama always said:" ""If you're gonna do anything right, do it yourself."" "Just stay here." "There's no way I can get through, over, or around that thing on my own." "You just keep cruising." "Daisy and me'II be right with you, coz." "Sorry, boys." "I'm gonna be a little late." "I got a flat here." "Got you, Daisy." "Want some breakfast?" "Hey, good buddy, what kind of flavors you got?" "You don't have butter brickle crunch." "I sure would love to have some butter brickle crunch." "Bo, where the hell are you?" "Maybe doubIe-peanut dooIey." "DoubIe-peanut dooIey." "Yeah, that sounds good." "You got some doubIe-peanut...." "TweedIedum !" "You're under arrest, man." "TweedIedum is running peanut dooIeys... in that naked-baby ice cream truck." "That boy ain't never gonna get the hang of this code talk." "Daisy, you there?" "Yeah, Bo." "Watch out for Rosco." "He'II be hopping mad when he finds out what we did to his barricade." "Don't you worry, Bo, I'm almost there." "Looks like the boys are home free, don't it?" "But y'all got to remember that this is Hazzard." "Dang." "Come on." "Get out!" "Luke, Bo, come here." "Move!" "What'd you do, Rosco, join the national Guard?" "Hush." "Don't you go smart-mouthing the Iaw." "AII right, open it up." "We ain't got no key." "No key?" "No problem." "Good, good." "Got you." "I don't want y'all thinking Molly was lying when she said that business was bad." "It was so bad that she even had to switch her line of merchandise." "Rosco, you got to believe me, we had no idea." "will you hush?" "It wasn't bad enough you running booze... now you're running guns for those pinko fascists." "You can't believe that." "You hush." "I got you this time on a federal arms regulation." "And that's enough to put you away for your natural life." "You have the right to remain silent." "You have the right to remain...." "will you give me the card?" "Give me that." "Okay." ""You have the right to remain silent."" "Don't look too good, does it?" "It was lucky for the boys that old Rosco was a slow reader." "He wanted everything to be real legal, so he didn't skip any of the parts." "That's enemy fire." "Cover the prisoners!" "saddle up." "blue Fox, this is Red Dog." "I'm under attack." "Boss." "Them Duke boys, they've sunk to a new low." "They're running guns." "I'm not talking booze." "I'm talking guns." "Did you say guns?" "I said guns." "Grenades, bombs, rifles, enough to outfit a whole army." "Booze is one thing, but running guns is un-American." "But don't worry." "I've got it under control, just like usual." "I called the FBI." "Over there." "You jackass." "If you caught the golden goose, you'd boil it for breakfast." "BIack-market firearms are worth a fortune." "And you called the FBI." "You just go and meet those FBI agents... and you tell them you were drunk, or having fits." "Or better still... you just act natural, and they'II know you're deranged." "Whatever scheme your little mind can manage... you get the FBI out of Hazzard County... or I'II divorce your fat sister and send her back to live with you." "Boss, you wouldn't do that." "Look, lulu keeps a good home for you." "I'II hire a housekeeper." "She'd eat less, scrub more, and sleep downstairs." "I'II do something." "Daisy, you best head on home, tell Jesse what's happened." "What are you two gonna do?" "We're not gonna deliver this truck, for one thing." "Aunt molly's gone too far this time." "We best meet her at the rendezvous and have us a little talk." "Then what?" "In case you haven't noticed, we're on the run." "But I got us an idea." "If we can make it till nightfall, we're home free." "I think." "Two fbi men had already arrived in Hazzard County." "And them boys ain't nothing to fool with." "Old Rosco was sweating, and it wasn't even hot outside." "Why don't you just relax, Sheriff, and tell us the facts?" "Yes, sure." "I'II just relax here." "I had night duty this one night... and I was having some coffee." "And I get this anonymous phone call about a flying saucer." "naturally, I just thought it was some old drunk." "You know?" "We know." "Go on, Sheriff." "Go on?" "Yes, you see... it wasn't the only call that came in." "There were several calls that came in during that week." "And they were all at night." "people calling in about red lights way up in the sky... down there by the swamp." "Did you investigate?" "Yes, I did." "I did it." "I investigated." "But I wasn't looking for any flying saucers, because I don't believe in them." "especially this one." "What did you think you had?" "Gas." "Swamp gas." "That's why I went down near the swamp... 'cause, you know, that is where you find swamp gas." "And that's where I saw it." "What?" "The hallucination." "The truck loaded with illegal firearms." "Yeah." "That hallucination." "And then I got all these crazy little tiny sounds in my head." "And I thought I was going squirreIIy." "I'm telling you, that was a terrible experience." "But you called us?" "Yeah, I did." "That was before I knew it was a hallucination... that I called the FBI." "And then this truck... the whole truck just went, "blip."" "Like clear out of sight." "Just, "blip."" "Two bIips?" "No, just one." "You know something?" "You city boys have no idea... what a scream that swamp gas can give to a man like me... when he's overworked, and when he's working... for such pitiful, miserable, mangy backwoods wages." "tell me, Sheriff." "What?" "Have you checked with your doctor lately?" "No." "I can't afford it." "Why?" "The man's a flying Iunatic." "I fooled them." "They thought I was squirreIIy." "There she is." "I got her." "would you look at that." "We only set this trap an hour ago... and look at all of them crawdads." "You know, it's almost as if they wanted to get into molly's bisque." "I think we should slow down some." "I hear it's bad luck to fish fast." "Bad luck?" "It's bad luck for the crawdads, maybe." "Let loose!" "You swamp people sure got some strange ideas." "What happened?" "You boys are early." "I guess we could ask you the same question." "I thought you were supposed to be with uncle Jesse, cooking." "Don't you worry none about Jesse." "I fed him up so full he fell out to snore." "And where is the truck?" "Where you ain't never gonna lay your hands on it." "Jesse told you we were on probation." "A simple little run, you said." "Prime stuff." "So you opened the truck?" "No, we didn't open the truck." "Rosco opened the truck!" "What he found there is enough to get us put away for life." "uncle Jesse!" "I think you'd better reconsider, boys." "No." "That family debt has been paid." "I was afraid something like this would happen." "I'm sorry to put this so strong... but you'd better reconsider... or you just might never see your uncle Jesse again." "What did you do to him?" "Did you poison him with your cooking?" "molly would never hurt uncle Jesse." "Of course I'd never." "But I'd just love to have him for company the next hundred years." "What do you mean?" "I got him out to my place, with Cousin alice." "If you want to go out there looking for him... the swamp is free." "The only person that can get in or out of that swamp is molly here." "She's bluffing." "Daisy, you there?" "Daisy, where are you?" "I just got home, and something's wrong." "Things ain't perfect anywhere." "Put uncle Jesse on, will you?" "That's what's wrong." "uncle Jesse isn't here." "Neither is Molly or Cousin Alice." "Are you sure?" "I Iooked everywhere." "uncle Jesse's closet is empty, his toothbrush is gone... and his checkerboard." "His checkerboard?" "It wasn't looking good... 'cause the boys knew Uncle Jesse never went anywhere... without his checkerboard." "Everybody, hang on." "With the boys being squeezed between a lifetime of jailhouse grits... and the loss of their Uncle Jesse... things could get pretty rough." "Old Molly sure had the boys' tail in the crack." "If she had Uncle Jesse in the swamp... there wasn't no one gonna be able to get him out, except her." "After all, Molly did promise to have Jesse back by 4.:00." "And her intentions were good." "Sneaky, maybe, but good." "I got them." "Cousin alice, what's going on?" "I know that molly's up to something." "What is it?" "Wanna wrestle?" "No, I don't want to wrestle." "But I'm gonna find out." "And if you don't get up and start helping..." "I'm gonna paddle your behind with this." "Now, get!" "$239.95." "$545.15." "$1,679 even." "I got to add this all up." "You mind if I come in?" "I got rid of all those FBIs out of Hazzard County." "That's a relief." "You know, Rosco, bIack-market is beautiful." "Just beautiful." "What's that?" "This is part of that operational procedure I was telling you about." "blue Fox, this is Red Dog." "Come on, you got your ears on?" "Hello, Red Dog." "This is Blue Fox." "Can you hear me?" "Who is Red Dog?" "I'm Red Dog." "This is Red Dog." "blue Fox, come on." "Hang on to your helmet, Red Dog." "I got the golden goose." "Or was that supposed to be Mother Goose?" "Anyway, I got them." "Listen, blue Fox, don't you itch, twitch, or anything." "I want those guys." "You just watch them, that's all." "Give me that." "Here?" "Push the black button." "You recognize this voice, Enos?" "Say, "blue Fox."" "blue Fox?" "J.D. Hogg speaking." "Listen good." "That truck is mine." "blue Fox, we're on our way." "Over and out." "Get on in the truck." "Y'all look here, because this is where you got to pay real close attention." "They're heading for Swamp Road now." "Watch out, will you?" "Sorry." "Listen, blue Fox." "You just keep your distance." "Don't crowd them, just watch them." "uncle Jesse?" "How did you escape?" "What are you talking about?" "molly said you was down at the swamp at her place." "So that's it." "I was down there fishing for crawdads... and this grinning female here sabotaged me." "What's this all about, anyway?" "Sheriff Rosco caught us on the run." "And it wasn't moonshine that we was running for molly." "No, it wasn't." "It was guns." "Firearm regulations." "AII right." "We got to get rid of that truck and everything that's in it... before Rosco catches up with you." "What about molly?" "Let her go back to cheating at bingo." "Let's get that truck down to black hollow." "Red Dog." "calling Red Dog." "The Goose has got company." "They're heading south toward black hollow." "I've got it, blue Fox." "That's black hollow." "black hollow?" "Can you get there?" "Yeah." "Step on it." "I got it." "I'm putting the pedal to the metal." "Don't lose control." "If we crash, I'II put your body between us and make an airbag." "Daisy, we're headed for black hollow." "Meet us there." "And hurry!" "I'II be there." "What did you pick this road for?" "I'm sorry, Boss." "This is the only road." "Bo, where are them dynamite arrows?" "You brought more than one, didn't you?" "Of course I did." "I got them, and you packed them." "It's full of ammo." "It'II blow sky high." "Everybody get in back of something." "You packed them, cousin." "Now tell me, which is worse... having one blow up when you don't want it to... or not blow up when you do?" "Okay, we're even." "No, we're not even, we're behind." "Hear company coming." "We got to get rid of that truck." "But how?" "Let's back her up so Bo can get a run at it and we'II put it in the lake." "It's got quicksand in the bottom, and it goes all the way to China." "Sheriff, you better get over here quick." "Cousin alice, get over here and give us a hand." "Red Dog, this is blue Fox." "I request permission to move in now and arrest the enemy." "Do it, blue Fox." "He's gonna hit us." "Everybody back!" "Oh, no." "There he is." "Come on, Bo." "It's gone over." "AII right, hold it." "You're under arrest." "You're definitely under arrest." "And the ice cream truck is under...." "It's really under." "She's on her way to China." "Are you crying?" "Listen, Iet me...." "Here." "I'm sorry, but that truck went right into the old drink... and it wasn't anybody's fault, it just rammed it right in there." "If I ever, in all my days...." "I don't know what I'm gonna do." "Wait." "It took a while for the Sheriff to revive Boss from a choking fit." "But the boys got off okay, because there wasn't any evidence." "And Molly wasn't mad, even though she didn't get her gun money." "I ain't had such a rush to my veins since the old days." "It was exciting." "But, molly, you didn't play square with me again." "I know it, and I'm sorry." "Sorry don't get it." "I'm gonna make it up to you by brewing you up... the best batch of crawdad bisque you ever put in your whole mouth." "And I'm gonna bake up some pecan cookies just for you, Bo." "I'm gonna help y'aII." "That molly, she's a card." "I wonder what she's gonna think up next." "I hate pecan cookies." "What about the outhouse?" "After what we've just been through?" "I did all of us a favor." "We ain't never used that thing but for target practice." "What do we need an outhouse for, anyway?" "We've had indoor plumbing for 20 years." "Don't you think I've thought of all that?" "But A:" "The place don't look right without it... and B:" "There's something to be said for preserving the family heritage." "Is there a C?" "C:" "I got the feeling we're supposed to start preserving." "You're feeling just right." "Get out there and get with it." "This time I want to build it a little wider... and use a Iot of sandpaper...." "And that was the legend of how Swamp Molly tried to get the Duke clan... to contribute to her nephew's preacher training." "And how Jesse gave the boys a lesson in finding their roots." "And how, after nearly 40 years..." "Old Jesse got another bowl of Molly's crawdad bisque." "english"