"gossip girl here-- your one and only source into the scandalous lives of manhattan's elite." "isn't that carter baizen?" "you're the guy who gave us our first joint, snuck us into our first club." "i'm in this weekly game-- high stakes, big mey." "you set me up." "no one forced his hand." "your boy lost fair and square." "i know who blair and those girls are, but i know who i am, and i'm not gonna forget that just 'cause i hang out with them." "you're dismissed, jenny, for good." "i'm sorry i kissed you." "your mother must have been kinda surprised to see you." "yeah, she was." "hi, rufus." "if she's in your life, you're never gonna get over her." "you should deal with your father." "he needs you." "i don't." "we broke up, okay?" "i like you--only you." "that's good, because i feel the same about you." "do you like me?" "define "like." "" tell me you didn sleep with chuck for revenge." "well, it wasn't because i like his natural musk." "Gossip Girl S01E10 *** hey, upper east siders, it's that time of year again, when the mere act of descending a staircase means you're a woman." "that's right--debutante season." "and from what we hear, there's been some changes in the lineup." "i'm actually glad i'm going with prince theodore instead of nate." "the further we get from the breakup, the more self-involved i see he was." "always so brooding, so tortured." "a girl wants romeo, not hamlet." "romeo died." "yeah, but he died for something exciting, and i want my debutante ball to be something to die for." "hey, so, uh, has blair mentioned who's escorting her?" "why?" "are you having remorse sex fantasies about your ex?" "what?" "no." "don't eff with an effer." "i know that look." "no, man, it's just every time i see her lately, something's different." "you know, she's lighter." "she's happier." "she's just-- less--less blair." "she does have a certain glow about her, doesn't she?" "i don't understand why you don't get this, okay?" "a debutante ball is all a girl could ask for." "it's gorgeous and formal and totally legendary." "don't forget out of touch and totally classist." "and if that's how you feel, then why are you even going?" "i'm not going and neither is serena, actually." "i'm just going to meet her grandmother to make a good impression, and, uh, take off before i put my foot in my mouth, like i usually do." "all i get with nate is some ros?" "in the back of a town car, but with the prince, i get a security detail and a high-speed chase to the pierre after it's over." "i can see you on the cover of "hello!" "" already." "yeah, well, try "the new york times." "" they've chosen me for "a night out with,"" "and i'm gonna give them the most perfect night out of the year." "with my dad in rehab, it's like the pressure's finally off me." "you know, i can see blair clearly, and it's... i don't know, man." "i think i might miss her." "you don't miss her, man." "is your mom mad that you're not being presented?" "well, she doesn't really have a leg to stand on since i found out she used to be my boyfriend's father's biggest fan." " it sounds so gross when you say it out loud." " silly me.here i actually thought you wanted to go." "uh, i'm here with you, aren't i?" "yeah, only 'cause your grandmother's meeting you here." "you're here!" "i'm so glad." "i can't wait for you to meet my grandma cece." "you're just gonna love her." "i'm sure i will." "well, if you don't listen to me, you're gonna hear it from her, and i promise, you don't want that to happen." "the brands i listed are the key to her happiness, and that includes tanqueray." "dan, jenny, it's so good to see you." "oh, hey, jenny, what are you even doing here?" "oh, she loves these things, apparently." "well, i wish serena did." "it would make my life a whole lot easier." "my grandma was the chairwoman for this event for 15 years, and now the committee's asked my mom to join." "and my daughter could not wait to go for ten years, and then suddenly, she's not even coming." "jenny?" "jenny?" "why don't you volunteer?" "uh, well, blair's lead deb, and we're sort of on the outs." "you know, i'm sure if she wanted my help, she would've asked." "well, i'm asking." "i mean, of course, we'd have to get your parents' permission first, but, um, we could use more help." "i'm sure it'll be fine." "um, see you saturday." "oh, actually, it's sunday." "can i call you?" "okay." "okay." " there is my magnificent granddaughter." " grandma." "oh, hello, mother." "is there a bar in this place?" "no!" "i should've known i had to bring the party myself." "so this must be daniel." "dan, actually.dan humphrey." "yeah.hi." "my granddaughter told me that you were delighted when she decededuh, not to make her debut this weekend?" "yeah, go ahead." "tell her what you think." "grandma loves honesty." "it's okay." "well, cotillions just seem antiquated to me." "you know, remnant of a different age." "well, do go on." "people spend all this money to have their daughters basically dance in front of others for attention." "uh, when, if you ask serena, i bet she'd do that for you right now, free of charge." "the cotillion teaches the good graces that women should always have in their arsenal." "i think serena's graces are pretty spectacular as they are." " oh, besides, grandma, you haven't used your graces in a while, - rith oh, you." " oh, isn't she great?" " she's... she's great." "she's something." "dan humphrey, was it?" "yes, mother." "* old gypsy woman spoke to me * * said, "you're a wolf, boy, get out of this town" *" "* old gypsy woman spoke to me * you looked pretty hot on princess theodore's arm today." "oh, is that what i am to you?" "just an accessory?" "next to him, yes." " on me, you'd be so much more." " yes, well, i can't be on you, remember?" "because you don't want nate to find out, and i don't want anyone to, but you'd have to learn how to behave yourself first." "miss blair, mr.nate for you." "what are you doing here, nate?" "well, i, um... look, you know, after rehearsal, i just, uh, i couldn't stop thinking about you." "i mean, the ball's something we've talked about doing together since we were, like, 10 years old," " and i've given you every reason to hate me." " true." "keep going." "and the prince-- he's, uh, you know, he's a great dancer and all, but is there any chance you'd go with me instead, for old times' sake?" "nate, after what you pulled on my birthday, the only thing we should be doing together is moving on." "yeah, i know." "look, i haven't worn this sweater in, like, forever, and i, uh, i just pulled it out today, and i found this." "it's my pin." "i sewed it there so you'd always have my heart on your sleeve." "i know." "yeah, i figured you might need it back or something, if... no, it was a gift." "the prince will understand." "maybe we should go to the ball together... as friends." "absolutely." "but only as friends." "just friends." "hey, dad." "hey, sweetheart." "i sense a favor about to be asked." "it's just... well, it turns out i got a volunteer position at a charity." "that's great." "when is it?" "sunday night, and i know it's mom's opening, and i know it's really important, but i can do both." "as a family, we support each other." "and when one of us has something important, we all show up for it." "maybe you can volunteer next year." " dad." " volunteer for what?" "nothing, it doesn't matter 'cause dad said i can't go." "hey, i, uh, went thrift store shopping, and i found great stuff." "i got you some black vintage pumps." "they're gonna go perfectly with the dress you're gonna wear for the opening." "mom, the kids i go to school with shop at saks and bendel's." "i can't be walking around in someone's old shoes." "i know." "it's gross." "oh, that reminds me." "i still haven't shown you pictures from my summer abroad." "oh, yes." "be right back." "well, i know you must not be happy, mother." "i remember how unhappy you were when i didn't go, and i imagine you came all this way to change serena's mind, but she is intractable on this." "that's not the reason i came." "everything okay?" "lily, my darling, the, uh... the doctors think they found something." "something?" "what something?" "something in my lungs." "oh, no." "mom." "well, they're-- they're running tests, but they said that, uh, it might not be good." "look, i-i didn't want to worry you." "i-i don't want to be a burden to you." "i... oh, no, it's no burden at all." "all i want to do is to see my granddaughter make her debut the way i did, the way my mother did before me." "oh, mother, anything for you." "what's going on?" "um, serena, you're going to the debutante ball." "serena van der woodsen, looks like your invitation just arrived... with strings attached." "come out, come out, wherever you are." "everything all right, mr.archibald?" "oh, yes, everything's fine." "it's just my... my date-- she's never late, and, uh, she likes to have finaapprpral." "sorry!" "sorry, sorry, sorry." "my cappuccino was decaf, and i couldn't find my phone." "it took forever to get a cab." "but you live up the street." "i wasn't home." "R U With Him Rt Now?" "(phone note) well, everything's taken care of." "i'll pick you up at 5:00 in the car." "i got that laurent-perrier you like." "i also thought we'd stop by the modern afterwards for dessert" ", 'cause that's your favorite." "blair." "oh, um, we don't have to go anywhere afterwards." "it's fine." "sorry." "who's texting you so much?" "serena." "uh, i gotta go back to my house." "my mom was supposed to throw this tea for serena's grandmother, and she had to jet to paris at the last minute, so it's all on me." "okay, hey, uh, w--i'll stop by and help you out." "it's all right.i got it." "thanks." "who are you, and what did you do with blair waldorf?" "not bad, archibald." "i almost forgot how handsome you are." "spotted-- nate archibald learning you don't know a good thing till it's gone and found someone else." "so your mom really didn't mind your coming to, um, our ball with...me?" "no, not at all." "and your father is okay with you volunteering as well?" "um, excuse me." "jenny." "alison." "didn't expect to see you..." "here." "that's me, unexpected." "um, mom, can i talk to you for a minute?" "uh, no, sweetie, we'll have plenty of time to talk later." "you know what?" "it is so nice of you to let jenny come to our little event." "you know, cotillions really are instructive." "they teach young girls good social graces... well, then i'm sure she'll learn a lot." "i'm gonna go." " um, i'll come with you." " no need.x i'll see you later." " thank you so much for being so understanding." " oh, come on." "i would do anything for an ill grandparent, and besides, my mom has her art opening, so we're both doing things for our families." "well, my thing isn't without conditions, believe me." "i had a long talk with my mom, and i said if i'm gonna do this, then i'm gonna be myself in every possible way." "well, then can you promise me that when you're up there being yourself as they auction you off, that you won't go for anything less than a million dollars?" "okay.did you get that out of your system?" "yeah, i think i'm good." "grandma." "serena, darling, this is carter baizen, your escort for tomorrow night." "do you two already know each other?" "actually, we used to go to school together, just a couple years apart." " i'm carter." " this is daniel humphrey." " dan, actually." " serena's friend." "no, my--my boyfriend." "oh, nice to meet you, man." "nice to meet you." "i'm sorry." "you're not-- you're not escorting her or..." " no, well, actually, i'm- - unavailable." "familial obligation." "there you are." "are you ready for tea?" "i don't like my ice to get lonely, dear." "of course, ma'am." "carter, it is such a pleasure to have you back with us." "true gentlemen are a rare breed." "so it is true that you're back." "back?" "um, where--where were you?" "oh, where wasn't he?" "he disowned his parents and took off around the world." "everyone was talking about it." "gossip girl even had a dedicated carter baizen map on "spotted." "a map, huh?" "in all honesty, i did go a little out of bounds." "i'm just grateful my parents are giving me a second chance." "carter saw the error of his wayward ways, and he rose ke a phoenix from the ashes, serena." "yes, i see that, grandma." "i mean, they weren't all errors, but... well, your mother did tell me that you got into a bit of a-- ahem--a scrape in dubai." "oh, i love dubai." "did you stay at the burj al arab?" "no, i stayed on palm island." "i think dubai is overrated." "you know what isn't, though?" "the, uh, prince's crown bombardier." "and i also went pheasant hunting with the sheikh while i was there." "i kept the tags." "i'll return everything tomorrow." "look... i know that my coming back has been rocky... but i can't keep being afraid that if i act more like your mother and less like your friend, that i'm gonna lose you." "if you were still in hudson, i'd be able to go." "well, i am not there." "i am here, and i don't really care if that makeyou happy or unhappy." "i'm still your mother." "you can come to my show tomorrow, and then you are grounded for a week." "what?" "come on, mom." "that's so unfair!" "x i just don't get it." "i organized everything the way she likes it." "i mean, i even made sure my bow tie matched her dress." "like the book says, she just not that into you." "man, i have to find out if she's seeing someone." "it's killing me." "you guys are still pretty close, aren't you?" "could you find out who she's seeing?" " me?" " yes." "come on, man." "whbetter?" "who better, indeed." "do you like it here, mr.humphrey?" "well, it's a little bit like a museum, a little cold, although the water pressure is unparalleled." "that's not what i meant, but of course, you would make a joke, that goes to my point." "excuse me?" "did i miss something here?" "oh, yes." "the way you feel?" "it never goes away." " it just gets worse." " i'm sorry. don't quite- you'll always use your dessert fork for your entrée." "you'll always feel underdressed, no matter what you wear, and at dinner parties, it will be as if there's a language that sounds like english, and you think you speak it, but they don't hear you, and you don't understand them." "as time passes, you'll feel that people never see you when they look at you but wonder really whether you're serena's whim or her... charity case, until the day comes when you realize that girls like serena don't end up with dan humphrey." "they end up with the carters of the world, and, um, people like you-- they turn into cocktail party anecdotes of their foolish youth." "so why don't you, uh, give it up and spare yourself the pain, hmm?" "i'm sure serena will understand." "this just in--we hear there's a cold war brewing between lonely boy and a certain blue blood." "we never thought we'd say this ourselves... there you are." "what's going on?" "i'll tell you what's going on." "i just became your escort to the ball." "but our money's on brooklyn for the win." "thanks so much for your time, miss waldorf." "i guess i'll see you and the prince later tonight." "uh, actually, i'm not going with the prince anymore." "i'm going with nate archibald." "given our history, it was only right." "he is the perfect gentleman, the perfect date." "chuck bass." "hi.john mayberry." ""new york times." "" i'd just like to say how proud i am of miss waldorf and her commitment to mr.archibald, even though he ruined her 17th birthday and slept with-- thank you." "that was great, right?" " take care." " all right." "have a good one." "what was that?" "i should ask you the same question." ""perfect gentleman"?" ""perfect date"?" "that broken record was a hit last year." "get with the times." "he bores y." "you almost made a fool of me in front of "the new york times,"" "which proves my very point-- you can't be trusted." "nate is a gentleman." "he would never cause a scene." "never get your blood going either." "speaking of going, that's what you should do." "carter baizen is on his way here right now." "what?" "what the hell are you doing with carter baizen?" "he left his jacket here yesterday, and i'd rather you be gone when he got here." "there's been enough scenes for today." "so i s it's true what they say about the apple and the tree." "hello, celia." "i'd say it's nice to see you, but i know how you hate dishonesty." "it appears that your son is taking my granddaughter to the ball tonight." "he is?" "i'd rather see that not happen." "there's no point in being presented if it's improperly, and your daniel is not a proper companion for a girl like serena." "he's a, um, temporary distraction." "i need her to focus on her future." "hers or yours?" "i am willing to purchase all the paintings in this gallery in exchange for you convincing your son not to accompany serena." "before you answer, remember, a grown man with children is in a very different position than a young man." "the money could be useful now." "not to mention, how much this sale would mean to your wife's career as an artist." "your money was no good for me then, and it's still no good with me now." "and you can rest assured that like me, my son can't be bought." "and i can assure you, just like her mother, my granddaughter can be." "what do you mean?" "all those years ago, i told lily to choose between you and her inheritance." "i'd tell you the end of that story, but i think you know it by heart." "you're a little overdressed for an art show, don't you think?" "dad, listen." "um, i've been meaning to tell you." " i'm sorry." " don't worry about your mom." "i'll take care of it." "you don't mind?" "i thought i'd be grounded when you found out, just like jenny was." "i gotta admit, it would be worth it." "i don't mind at all." "yeah." "tux looks great." "shoes look great." "you look so great." "you're gonna make me proud." "show that celia rhodes what us humphrey men are made of." "what's going on here, dad?" "you're--you're doing that thing again where you're acting really weird for no reason." "it's kind of freaking me out." "oh, uh, serena's grandmother just came to see me." "um, we need to talk." "have you seen serena's presentation statement?" "wants to take a year off of school, teach english in south asia?" "this simply won't suffice." "well, what do you want me to do about it?" "well, if serena's doing this for me, it has to be right." "besides, it took me years to restore our family name after your exploits." "trust me, you don't want to do the same." "hello?" "hey, volunteer." "where are you?" "you were supposed to be here a half an hour ago." "oh, um, didn't your mom tell you i'm not coming anymore?" "what?" "i don't understand." "i thought that this was, like, your dream." "besides, don't you want to see your brother in a tux?" "wait." "what?" "you know, your brother dan-- the guy who thinks dancing is making fists and pumping 'em into the air?" "dan's going to the ball?" "yeah, it--it was just a last minute thing." "i'm sure he just forgot to tell you." "um, i'm on my way." "hey!" "w-wow.you look incredible." "thank you." "you're early." "well, uh, yeah, we need to talk." "what's up?" "is your grandmother here?" "where is she?" "oh, yeah, she's in the other room, getting ready with my mom." "why?" "i gotta be honest about something here." "um, i don't think your grandmother is who you think she is." "what are you talking about?" "i know she's got the whole free spirit act perfected... act?" "but i don't think she has your best interests at heart." "where are you going with this, dan?" "she came by my dad's gallery today." "well, she probably just wanted to see your mom's art." "no, she was trying to buy him off so i wouldn't go with you tonight." "no, she wouldn't do something like that." "serena, that's what i'm trying to tell you." "that woman is the most manipulative person i've ever met." "she makes your-- your mother look like gandhi." "that's my grandmother you're talking about." " i love her." " i know." "i know, and i'm so sorry, but maybe you love her so much that you can't see what she's doing." "i said it." "there." "mae we s suldn't be doing this." "maybe we shouldn't." "i'll just talk to you later." "let's get carter on the phone." "yeah." "carter baizen's dating blair?" "he's got everyone fooled." "blair thinks he's reformed." "he's obviously just toying with her to get at you." "yeah, well, it's working." "we just need to wait until we can get him in a public place, where everyone who thinks he's changed can see the truth," "and we can get him back for everything he's done to you and everything he's doing to blair." "yeah, when's that gonna happen, huh?" "sir." "i have a feeling it may be sooner than you think." "if you don't pull it together, i'm gonna go naomi campbell on you." "maybe jenny can help you." "no, i'm fine. thank you." "serena, uh, miss erlich needs to know how to pronounce that word in your presentation statement." "i assume it's a family name." "hey. beautiful." "what's wrong?" "i didn't write this." "my mother did." ""serena hopes to continue to live on the upper east side, devote her life to volunteering for the nature conservancy, and junior league and have two wonderful children."" "let me see that." "make it stop." "you sound like me." "serena, where'dadan?" "he's not coming." "here you go." "thanks." "what is he doing here?" "carter's clever." "he's using serena as a cover." "it's not the time yet." "nate, look, i was hoping to see you." "i wanted to apologize, put the past in the past." "you don't get to say what goes on here." "i'm on to you." "what are you talking about?" "hello and welcome to the annual dispensary cotillion and debutante ball." "katia farkas, daughter of jonathan and rose farkas, escorted by richard north, hopes to major in neuroscience and will continue her family's legacy as supporters of the new york public library and lincoln center." "blair cornelia waldorf, daughter of harold and eleanor waldorf, escorted by nathaniel archibald, plans to be a member of yale's class of 2013." "she will continue to summer in southampton and volunteer her time to children's charities." "and now i'd like to present serena celia van der woodsen, daughter of committee member lilian van der woodsen, granddaughter of chairwoman emeritus, celia catherine rhodes, escorted by carter baizen." "miss van der woodsen hopes to bed as many billionaires as she can before settling down to... oh, my god." "sorry." "miss isabel coates, presented by raymond north, uh,daughter of arthur and iris coates." " here you go." " thanks." "you're back." "what happened?" "uh, cece won." "she has a habit of doing that, but maybe it's for the best." "you're here with your family." "hey." "where's jenny?" "have you seen her?" "actually, uh, no." "she's probably still upset with me for grounding her and is trying to teach me a lesson." "i don't know. maybe let her be ten minutes late before you get mad?" "mom, this looks great." " all of this is beautiful." " thank you." " come on.tour. - okay." "let's go." "What's going on?" "nothing." "We are friends now,right?" "you can tell me." "and now for someone with only one left foot." "he just told her what he's going to do to her later." "they might not know who you are, but i sure as hell never forgot." "nate, what are you doing?" "she's my girlfriend!" "oh, my god." "get off me!" "ugh!" "they ripped my dress." "take him outside." "let's get out of here." "come on." "you don't understand." " it was custom-made." " blair, it's okay." " my mom is gonna be angry." " jenny!" "jenny, hey, hey, we need you." "please?" "i have to go." "i have my mom's thing." "jenny, fix my dress, and all is forgiven." "oh, you make a fool of the presenter, then you start a brawl." "i mean, what's next, serena?" ""girls gone wild"?" "serena van der woodsen wants to work for the junior league and have two children?" "it's a society ball, serena." "you have to represent yourself well." "how is it representing myself well if it's all lies?" "what happened to you between our talk and now?" "i did this because i knew how important it was for you and grandma, and you said that if i did it, i could be myself." "you don't really want that, do you?" "no, it's not entirely true." "all you care about when people look at me is what they think of you." "how am i supposed to accept myself if my own mother doesn't accept me?" "oh, honey, of course i accept you." "no." "no, you don't, but let me tell you something." "if i ever do have those two children, i would never do this to them." "i would accept them for who they are, including who they date, no matter what, and i'd make sure they damn well knew it." "Hello." "really?" "okay." "ooh." "i'm so sorry." "i know this is not what you signed up for." "it's okay." "it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as waking up that morning in santorini and... finding you'd jumped on a boat." "yeah, well, um, that night wasn't exactly what i signed up for either." "the whole thing caught me a bit by surprise." "no, i, um, i get it, which is why i was surprised when your grandmother called me last week." "wait." "last week?" "i wasn't even going to cotillion last week." "yeah, but cece said she thought you'd change your mind." "what are you doing here?" "shouldn't you be... anywhere but here, yes." "so please listen to me and don't interrupt, because what i have to say is hard for me." "okay." "when i was your age, i would have been lucky to find a guy like you," "and i kind of did, but when it came down to it, i thought my mother knew who i was much better than i knew myself." "i'm not sure exactly who my daughter was, but i know who she's become since she met you." "she returns home every night at a reasonable hour." "she doesn't drink." "she doesn't do drugs." "i don't know if you're responsible for that, but i don't think it's a coincidence." "you belong with my daughter, and i think everyone should know that." "will you come with me?" "yes, mrs.van der woodsen." "i would love to." "good." "and it's lily." "have you seen nate?" "nate was asked to leave, but here i am." "i know that look." "that's your look when your plan falls into place." "you're enjoying this." "you knew carter was going to my house." "you tipped off gossip girl." "you ruined my cotillion on purpose." "you did all this for your own enjoyment and didn't care what it would do to me, which is exactly why you and i could never work." "wait.slow down there, waldorf." "you make me sick." "this thing between us-- it's over for good." "look, blair, wait." " i didn't mean to-- - don't talk to me." "blair!" "that was quite a mess you made, but i was able to clean it up." "the chairs agreed to reissue your presentation statement in the committee's winter newsletter." "i stood up for you." "what are you talking about?" "with dan--i defended you." "mm, we'll talk about that later." "no, we don't need to talk at all, grana." "i just want to know one thing." "are you even ill?" "no." "but i could be." "all those cigarettes and cocktails." "why did you do this?" "oh, serena." "there is so much you don't understand." "a woman has to earn the right to create her own rules." "things aren't the way they were when you were young, grandma." "you may be right about that." "hey. have you seen blair waldorf?" "up there." "it was so hot how you punched carter out." "i'd never seen you do anything like that before." "spotted-- chuck bass losing something no one knew he had to begin with-- his heart." "mom, i'm sorry." "i thought i could make it in time." "yeah, i know." "i accept your apology, but it doesn't really make it okay." "sweetie." "honey, as you get older, every choice that you make defines who you're gonna turn into, so rather than apologizi to me," "you need to look at yourself and ask if you like the person you're becoming." "we're not supposed to talk, remember?" "oh, i had to.i-- your mother came to see me, and she mentioned something about why you left me all those years ago." "oh." "yes, well, she made me an offer i couldn't refuse, and i wasn't strong enough then." "why didn't you tell me?" "oh, come on." "you never would have understood." "but if i had known you hadn't actually left me for" "for him, i-i..." " i mean, maybe-- - listen, don't. don't." "don't say it." "don't even think it." "i can't help myself." "i never should have let you... let me go." "it's often said that no matter the truth, people see what they want to see." "some people might take a step back and find out they were looking at the same big picture all along." "some people might see that their lies have almost caught up to them." "some people may see what was there all along." "and then there are those other people-- the ones who run as far as they can so they don't have to look at themselves." "where to, mr.bass?" "the airport." "and as for me?" "i can see clearly now." "x.o.x.o., gossip girl."