"I can't believe we have been waiting almost three hours." "At this rate, they should just pass out easter eggs and call it a twofer." "I'm sorry, but who knew so many people would want to see Santa two days before Christmas?" "Everyone." "Yeah, well, I just wish I didn't wait until now to get Emma's present." "Who knew they'd already be sold out?" "Again, I'm gonna go with everyone." "Now what am I gonna do?" "I have to get Emma that giggorilla." "She loves that laughing ape." "She told me so with her smile." "Well, you do know there's a good chance that smile was just gas, right?" "You're next." "If anyone feels the need to spit up, tear up or hiccup," "I'd appreciate a heads-up." "Well, I'd appreciate a hurry up." "Because I got a turkey I need to pick up." "(Chuckles)" "Well, here's how it's gonna go down." "He "ho-hos," you tell him what you want, we snap a picture and then, if you'd like to make another memory, meet me in 20 minutes in the gingerbread house." "I might have to fold you in half, but I think I can get it done." "Best offer I've had all week." "Ho ho ho!" "Who is this little snowflake?" " Hello there." " This is Emma." "And she's been a very good girl this year." "And would love to find a giggorilla under her tree." "(Santa chuckles)" "Any chance you can hook a dad up?" "Well, toys come and go..." "But the spirit of Christmas, now that's the only present worth giving." "(Sighs) You could have just said no." "Elf:" "All right." "Picture time." "(Cellphone ringing)" "(Sighs)" "It's your brother." "What?" "Danny, how could you lose a ham?" "!" "Hey!" "Where'd you get that giggorilla?" "!" "(Camera shutter clicks)" "(Theme music playing)" "♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪" "♪ Can take your life and change direction. ♪" "All right." "I think that's everything." "Spark it up!" "Fire in the hole!" "(Slight buzzing)" "(Shouts)" "It's glorious!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Huh?" "Oh, huh?" "Ahh..." "Oh, it isn't Christmas unless I burn my retinas." "(Chuckles)" " (Exhales)" " Yeah, it looks amazing." "I will be sleeping with my fire extinguisher." "Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet." "If there's one thing I know how to do, it's Christmas and wrapping..." "Gift and the other kind." "♪ Well, I'm coming at you like a Christmas tsunami ♪" "♪ Deck the halls with, what?" "!" "♪" "♪ Deck the halls with Bonnie ♪" "♪ Fa LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA ♪" "♪ Word." "Are you sure this was worth me giving up Christmas with my family in Aspen?" "Look..." "I could knee-deep in snow bunnies and hot tuckeys right now." "Tucker, we are two of the luckiest people in the world." "I mean, Mrs. Wheeler is the queen of Christmas." "Growing up, I used to look out my window on Christmas morning, and say, "man, I wish I was a Wheeler."" "I mean, the rest of the year, God no." "But Christmas she does right." "All right, people." "I would like to thank you for signing up to be Bonnie's little helpers." "Now I realize I have a couple of novices here." "And I want you to know..." "It will not be easy." "But it will be hard." "The road to a perfect Christmas is paved with nutmeg, frosting..." "And possibly tears." "Can you handle the merriment?" " Um..." " Yeah, I think so..." "I can't hear you!" "Both:" "Yes, Mrs. Wheeler!" "Excellent!" "All right." "Now what should we do first?" "Should we hang some garland?" " Yeah." " Yes, I love hanging garland!" "No no!" "Rookie mistake!" "You gotta hang the lights before you hang the garland." " (Quietly) Right." " And before you hang, you gotta untangle." "(Grunts)" "Here you go!" "I got 15 more where they came from." " (Door opens)" " Yeah." "Here's everything from the storage locker." "Except the blow-up nativity scene." "Sorry, I might have punctured a wise man." "Well, dod you at least bring up the robe?" "Tucker, what size are you?" "Oh, my God!" "I just got a lead on a giggorilla." "A new shipment came in at the mall." "Come on." "Danny, I need some crowd control." "Oh, no no no!" "Wait wait wait wait, no!" "You guys have gotta get the Christmas tree." "Christmas Eve is tomorrow." "Sorry, mom." "Ben needs me." "Plus, I haven't started my Christmas shopping yet." "I'm not gonna wait till the last minute this year." "(Door closes)" "Well, now what am I gonna do?" "Ben and Danny always get the tree." "Now who's gonna get the tree?" "Ha ha, there it is!" "There's only one left!" "(Soft festive music playing)" "(Festive rock music playing)" "(Music stops)" "No!" "(Groans)" "Now what are we gonna do?" "Psst." "Over here." "I think I can help you boys out." "Oh, great." "Here's my list." "I was thinking of getting my mom a scarf." "But that's what I got her last year." "Does your beanstalk know you left it unattended?" "I think I can help you out with a giggorilla." "Really?" "But how would you ever get your hands on one?" "Well, let's just say it fell off the back of a truck." "I don't think we want a broken one." "Wow, God really does divide." "Just meet me out back in 20 minutes." "(Exhales sharply)" "Oh, my God, this is so great." "Yeah!" "We actually met an elf!" "(Eerie voice) Riley Perrin..." "Riley Perrin..." "I'm the ghost of turkeys past." "Ignore the fact that I am naked." "And stop staring at my giblets." "(Normal voice) Riley, you were right." "This is the most fun Christmas I've ever had." "♪ Don we now our gay appar... ♪" "What the hell is that?" "!" "It's our tree." "Don't you love it?" "Oh." "Well, I would love it if I had asked you to go out and buy a giant toilet brush." "Come on, people!" "You signed on for the perfect Christmas." "Is there anything about that tree that says "perfect Christmas"?" "But this little guy needed a real home." "I mean, we are kindred spirits." "This tree is me." "That's sweet, Tuck." "Maybe Santa will bring you a wood chipper." "Ben:" "Hello?" "Anybody here?" "Gentlemen..." "I believe you were looking for this." "(Laughs) Yes." "Thank you." "You're gonna make one special little girl very happy." "Oh!" "Not so fast." "The going rate is 300." " Dollars?" "!" " No, gumdrops." "Yes, dollars!" "There's no way I'm paying that kind of money for this." "That's extortion." "Well, I guess your little girl is not that special after all." "You remember this moment when she's headlining at "girls girls girls."" "Ben, don't listen to this guy." "I'm beginning to think he isn't even a real elf!" "Plus, I'm sure the store is gonna get another shipment." "They will." "But unfortunately for you, employees get first dibs." "So I guess I am your only option." "Oh, I don't think so." "(Festive music playing)" "I can't believe there weren't any other options." "Hey, remember when I said I would do anything for Emma?" "When this is over," "I have done everything for Emma." "Hey, I've had an elf wedgie for the last six hours, and I think these shoes are permanently curling my toes and you don't see me complaining!" "Oh, my God!" "The bell!" " Not the bell." " All right, boys." "Santa's on break." " Sit in a little circle." " All right." "We got a big show." "We got a show." "Five, six, seven, eight." "♪ Christmas joy, Christmas joy ♪" "♪ All across the mall" "♪ Santa's here to bring some cheer ♪" "♪ To kids from small to tall, hey!" "♪ Have some fun, spin around" "♪ even shake your tail" "♪ then make sure to come on back ♪" "♪ To the after-Christmas sale big finish!" "♪ After-Christmas sale!" "♪ Store opens at nine." "Get back to work." "This ain't no holiday." "Whoo!" "Well, boys, I know this isn't easy." "But you have to admit, there's nothing better than putting a smile on a kid's face." "(Chuckles)" "Yeah, maybe your own child, but I don't know these kids." "Ben, I think Santa's trying to say that the spirit of Christmas is in your heart, not in material things." "Yeah, maybe you're right." "Maybe I have overlooked the true meaning of Christmas." "Shift's over!" "There's your giggorilla." "Nope!" "Later, fat man." "All right, Bonnie's little helpers, it is time for a status update." " Yams?" " Candied." " Eggs?" " Deviled." " Tree?" " Almost done." "Almost done?" "Riley, that was supposed to be done two hours ago." "Uh, Tucker, please tell me that you have finished with the gingerbread house." "Wait, what happened to the fence?" "(Clears throat) No idea." "People!" "I am slaving to give you the perfect Christmas." "You're either with me or against me." "And right now you're just a couple of stale nuts on my holiday fruitcake!" "What's wrong with that snowman?" "Why isn't it blinking?" "Oh, my gosh!" "(Gasps)" "Why does Christmas hate me when I love it so much?" "!" "I don't think she's the one that Christmas hates." "Okay." "But, Tucker, you have to remember why she's doing this." "I mean, she wants to give us the perfect Christmas." "I don't know how much more perfect I can take." "Look, I have got a gumdrop stuck up my nose." "Which may have been my own fault." "(Sighs deeply)" "Okay, I think there's something you need to see." "(Gasps)" "She made us stockings?" "I know." "And if you think this is good, wait until you see what she puts in them." "All right." "We are back on track." "I got him blinking again." "Okay, it's time to kick the cheer into high gear." "We are t-minus three to turkey time, people." "Let's get it moving." "On Tucker, on Riley!" "We did it!" "In your face, Christmas!" "And now Emma's is gonna be perfect." "Well, perfect would be if my jingle bells didn't get caught in the subway door." "They used to jingle when I walked." "Which was all worth it because when Emma wakes up tomorrow, this is going to be under her tree." "(Chewing loudly)" "I don't think she gon' like that." "I gotta say..." "This doesn't look anything like the picture on the box." "Thank you for your business." "Merry Christmas." "♪ Deck the halls with wads of money ♪" "♪ Fa LA LA LA LA LA... uh-oh." "I think you've got some explaining to do." "I don't know what you're talking about." "I didn't put that rock in there." "You're a disgrace to the tights. (Exhales)" "Danny, look!" "There's one right there!" "Oh, yeah!" "I got it!" "Yes!" "Finally!" "The door!" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Merry Christmas. (Laughing)" " (Pounding on door)" " Bye-bye, boys." "(Ben and Danny yelling)" "I am the worst father ever." "I can't believe I'm sitting in the back of a truck," " driving off to God-knows-where..." " (Giggorilla giggling)" "Not at home with Emma." "Danny!" "Do you really have to do that right now?" "!" "It's been hours." "I just don't see what the big deal is." "It says right here on the box," ""hours of fun for ages six months and up."" "I'm up." "I'm not laughing." "(Truck braking)" "We're stopped!" " Hey!" "We're stuck!" " Help us!" "We're inside!" "Do you think the truck driver will believe our story?" "Dude, we're elves." "Of course he'll believe us." " (Ben shouting)" " Help, please!" "Okay, that's the last place setting." "What's next?" "Oh, my God." "There's nothing left." "That's it!" "It's Christmas!" "(Sobbing)" "(Inhales sharply) So beautiful." "Where are those boys?" "If we don't eat the ham on time, it throws off the pumpkin pie." "Which undoes the caroling, which upsets the chestnuts, which tips over the midnight snack." "It's a house of cards, people!" "(Knocking on door)" "Mrs. Wheeler, it's fine." "Christmas is here." "Oh, it's not here till I say it's here." "Hi!" " Remember me?" " Mm." "I met you yesterday." "You might recall we had a brief but meaningful flirtation." "(Scoffs)" "And as I recall, the last time I saw my boys, they were on their way to see you to return a rock." "Well, that's kinda why I came to talk." "We have a teensy situation." "I'm assuming all your situations are teensy." "It saddens me to inform you that your boys had the bad fortune of getting trapped in the back of a truck." "What are you talking about?" " Trapped... it's kinda like stuck..." " Yeah yeah, I got it." " ...but it's worse." " (Mouthing)" "But here's the good news:" "I called the trucking company... perhaps not as quick as I should have, but I did." "And your boys have been deposited at a bus depot in Pennsylvania." "So they're on their way home now?" "Well, uh, I would love to say yes, but the correct answer is no." "There's a blizzard." "No busses coming or going." "So they're missing Christmas?" "Yeah, that's about it." "Whoo!" "(Chuckles)" "Feels good to have gotten that off my chest." "Okay!" "It's official." "Everything is ruined!" "All my months of planning to give everyone the perfect Christmas, and all they care about is getting their hands on some stupid toy." "Well, you know what?" "I'm finished, I'm done." "Pack it up, it's over!" "Wait, what?" "No no!" "Not done." "No." "I'm sorry." "Christmas is over." "Oh, no no no no." "You listen to me, woman." "You have promised me the perfect Christmas, and you're gonna give it to us." "I mean, we have hung the lights and iced the cookies and hooked the ornaments and minced the meat, roasted the chestnuts, polished the silver, strung the garland and even spent four hours glazing your damn Christmas ham!" "So you are gonna give us the perfect Christmas, or you have another thing coming, lady." "Wait a minute." "Where's the ham?" "I'm a naughty naughty elf." "Sorry, bud." "Still no busses going out tonight." " (Sighs)" " But, on the bright side," "I'm going out with the ticket girl next week." "If I can score in this," "I can score in anything." "All I wanted to do was give Emma the perfect Christmas." "And now I'm stuck two hours away from home in a bus depot in a bad velvet suit with a bunch of losers." "No offense." "Merry Christmas to me." "Hey, is that Santa?" "(Exhales) Danny, for the last time," "Santa doesn't... that's the guy from the store." " Yeah." " Yeah, that's him." "Hey, you!" "Remember us?" "(Chuckling) Hey, boys." "Where's your nasty little sidekick?" " What do you mean?" " Your elf." "He pulled a fast one on us." "And now we can't get home for Christmas." "Well, I'm sorry about that." "But I'm just like you guys tonight, you know?" "I'm trying to get home to the family." "(Scoffs)" "Are you elves?" "Do we look like elves?" "Uh, yeah, we kinda do." "Can you tell Santa where to find me?" "Look, I hate to break it to you kid, but we don't know Santa, okay?" "What is wrong with you?" "!" "We do know Santa!" "Hey, do you have your suit in that bag?" "Always." "I bet you can't catch me." "Ohh!" "Oooh!" "Ho ho ho!" "Hear that?" "I think it might be Santa." "(Door opens)" "Ho ho ho!" "Merry Christmas!" "Santa, you found me!" "Yes." "Well, that's the thing about Christmas." "If follows you wherever you go." "(Laughing)" " Whoo!" " (Giggling)" "Right over here." "Right there." "Oh!" "So, what would you like Santa to bring you?" "All I wanna do is go home and see my daddy." "I miss him so much." "Well, I'm sure he misses you very much too." "But you know, sometimes things happen and you can't be with the people you love." "Right, son?" "Santa's right." "I know what it's like to miss someone." "But I can tell you..." "Even though when you're not with your dad, you're right here in his heart." "But here." "Maybe you can hug this..." " Ohh!" " ..." "Until you get home to him." " Thank you!" " (Chuckling)" "You could do this for a living." "(Chuckles)" "Merry Christmas, Ben." "Merry Christmas to you too." "Special delivery for the wheelers!" " Emma!" " Ho ho ho, everyone!" "Here's your daddy." "Hi!" "Mom, I'm so happy you're here." "I'm sorry..." "I screwed everything up." "(Sighs) I can't believe I thought a toy would make Christmas perfect." "It's okay, Benji." "You're not the only one who went a little nuts this holiday season." "It took seeing a cup full of Christmas crazy for me to realize what's really important... just being with my family." "Yeah, you were a little fa-LA-LA-looney." "(Laughing)" "I was talking about Riley." "But I don't understand how you guys got here." "The roads were all closed because of the storm." "What are you talking about?" "They were totally clear." " I was going like 90. (Laughs)" " It was awesome." "Wait, there aren't any cops in here, are there?" "Hey, where's Santa?" "He's right over... huh, that's weird." "He didn't even say goodbye." "Don't worry." "If we need him..." "I have a feeling he'll find us." "(Chuckles) Merry Christmas, Emma." "All: ♪ So have some fun" "♪ spinning around" "♪ even shake your rear" "♪ no matter where your Christmas is ♪" "♪ Make it full of cheer" "Big finish!" "♪ Make it full of cheer!" " (Cheers and applause)" " Yah!" "I'm sorry!" "Well, boss, those Wheelers were a tough one, but I think we pulled it off." "So, should we go get some dinner?" "Oh, no need." "I got us a ham." "(Laughing) Ho ho ho ho!"