"Last night I dreamt that I worked as a cleaner  in a spaceship." "What?" "I dreamt that I worked as a cleaner on a spaceship." "OK." "Everyone's reason for being   was to build a huge UFO." "So that mankind could return home." "Of course." "What would you do, if you were me?" "Excuse me." "Hi!" "Hi." "Lovely scarf." "Thanks, but I'm in a hurry." "Off to meet your husband?" "No." "Why?" "I want to show you something." "But..." "It's for your own sake." "All right." "She loved her husband, but was never allowed to see him." "Yet look." "Now she is back with her great love." "For 100 kroner a month, you can help reunite people with their loved ones." "Hey." "Wake up." "No!" "Come on." "No." "I'm not in the mood." "Get up." "This is rape." "Come on!" "Stop it... 5 LIES" "No, we're at my place." "It's cruel to make her wash floors the same day she's being expelled." "But that's your business." "OK." "Bye." "We lost one client, are about to lose another." "Answer me, Petter." "What would you do?" "You would pretend like nothing." "I'm sure you'll find another job." "Good luck." "Please." "You would have done the same." "But I can..." "Sorry." "I can..." "No." "No." "Hello?" "Hi!" "There will be five of us." "What do you mean?" "He did?" "No, I don't know." "Just don't bring your whole family." "That's great." "Don't worry." "Camilla has taken care of everything." "Good Morning, Norway" "Tonight is the Norwegian stand-up championship." "How funny do you have to be to become champion, Chris and Chris?" "To become Norwegian champion you have to be...this funny." "But sometimes one millimeter is enough." "So basically you have to be infinitely funny?" "Yup." "You have 20 finalists tonight." "Are you sure they are the best?" "We have had many tryouts." "So we are sure that we have the best finalists for tonight's final." "I should be there." "I know a joke:" "Two periods crossed the road..." "Aren't you over that yet?" "No." "I have to go." "Hello?" "He refuses to answer the phone." "I don't know why." "Yes, he's here." "It's your mom." "Haven't you paid her back yet?" "We don't really belong here on Earth." "What you're saying is that you Swedes don't belong here." "Right?" "Stian..." "I am not Swedish." "You know that." "Right." "Have you ever heard of Amnesty?" "Where do I sign?" "Right there." "Have you ever heard of Amnesty?" "Let me give you your receipt." "Heard of Amnesty?" "You're a good man." "You're the one helping people in need." "Bother me again, and I'll smash your face!" "Amnesty, my ass!" "You're all in the torture business!" "I'm going to the United Nations!" "How's it going, Alex?" "Great." "How many have you gotten today?" "I don't know." "You?" "Seven...eight...nine." "Already?" "Yep." "How about you?" "Zero." "Zero?" "That would be cheating." "They're already sold." "But..." "Take them." "Hey..." "Hey!" "Take them!" "Stop it!" "Put me down!" "Give them to me." "Things are getting hot here, I see." "Going to the party tonight?" "Yes." "Is Kristin coming too?" "Hello?" "You can ask her yourself." "Sure." "Bye!" "He's hot." "Too bad he's such a mama's boy." "How did you land him?" "We aren't dating." "I don't think Alex likes girls." "Right." "Bitch!" "Remember your pills?" "I'm not senile yet." "See you tonight?" "No." "I don't think so." "That guy from Gjøvik won the lottery." "The family man?" "He's paying me 12,000 for the weekend." "Will that be without a rubber?" "Yes." "Right." "Think about that." "This world is not fair." "Remember that." "CHRIS  CHRIS National Stand-up Championship" "You said Åsabekk Street?" "No problem." "We've done many nursery schools." "Monday the 26th?" "Ask if they have any mongos." "Fine." "See you on the 26th." "Thank you." "Bye." "Do you have the change?" "I should have been in the paper." "It isn't my fault you didn't make the finals." "Stand-up isn't your thing." "Not at that level." "What do you mean?" "You weren't good enough." "You should be glad you have a real job." "KALLE THE CLOWN "Just call me Kalle!"" "I can smoke in the car." "Just don't blow it in my face!" "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "Thank you for a fantastic...dinner." "What are you doing?" "Your birthday present." "I came at least three times." "I'm richer than you." "And I like helping minimum pensioners." "I like helping minimum pensioners!" "I'm not a minimum pensioner." "Come here." "Come here, I said." "What would you say..." "if I fell in love with you?" "I'd say, "Kiss my ass"." "For example." "See you in a month?" "When I get my next welfare check." "Around the 20th?" "Right." "Bye, Stian." "Bye, family man!" "Wasn't she great?" "My place has never been this clean." "Why are you sending her away?" "She only had a three-month visa." "I don't make the rules." "I could have just given her the money." "Give me a break!" "I just paid for her plane ticket." "Did you give her more than 500?" "No." "Is she your second or third this year?" "You haven't had anyone since Hannah died." "At least I try." "The forecast calls for rain." "Bye." "Bye." "Be careful when you get to the top." "This stuff is expensive." "Careful." "Hello!" "Are you Kalle the Clown?" "Just call me Kalle." "Rita, you can get changed at Popin." "And we...?" "Time to party!" "Kristin Storholt?" "Yes." "Come to the kitty!" "What a lovely boy!" "Yes, what a nice boy!" "Get the hell out, you bastards!" "We're closed!" "They said we could play!" "Shut up and get out!" "Come on!" "Is the old lady hungry for some clown cock?" "You want some clown cock?" "I love you, my little clown!" "That's no laughing matter." "Yes, it is!" "Right in your pussy!" "You fucking whore!" "Don't worry about my phone!" "Come on." "Touch my cock." "Feel my cock." "Kalle the Clown!" "You're speaking with Marianne." "What?" "From the stand-up championship?" "This is Ulrik." "Hello?" "Stop that!" "Sure, but I didn't make the cut." "No, I didn't mean you." "But I wasn't..." "I wasn't good enough last time." "Don't fuck with me!" "You're kidding!" "I'm in!" "I'm in!" "You're serious?" "Yes, of course." "He got sick?" "Excellent!" "7:30 p.m." "Holy shit!" "Thank you." "Of course." "Bye." "I made it to the stand-up finals!" "I never have to be a clown again." "Damn, you're hot!" "Everything here looks just fine." "You're fit as a fiddle, Kristin." "Anything else I can help you with, young lady?" "I was wondering about...the Pill." "You have a boyfriend?" "Yes, and he wants me to take it." "Before we..." "Before you have sex." "OK, I'll write you a prescription." "It may hurt the first time." "It won't be the first time." "I'm doing it for him." "I want a baby." "You can have kids later." "Sure." "I'm meeting him tonight." "His name is Alexander." "Alexander?" "Alexander the Conqueror." "Yeah." "Has Petter left?" "No, he's clearing his desk." "Have this replaced." "If you say so." "Could you go get Petter?" "OK." "Are you having fun tonight?" "Hello again!" "Is the clown enjoying his cake?" "Out for a stroll?" "This is Hans." "The mall manager." "He was impressed with your performance." "You're the best clown I could imagine." "We're considering hiring a permanent clown." "Our new profile is going to be "The Happy Mall"." "So we need a permanent clown." "Double pay." "We don't want to lose our favorite clown!" "When the kids come in the afternoon, there'll always be a clown here." "You could juggle some balls, saw women in half,   do some magic tricks..." "It's discriminating to call people clowns." "It's like calling short people "dwarfs"." "Did you have a chance to talk to Angela?" "Will she be coming tonight?" "Excellent." "Hang on." "You're fired for the rest of the week, but be back on Monday." "So I'm not fired?" "Yes." "Today." "But I want you back on Monday." "That's called getting a new chance." "Have a nice weekend." "What?" "Hang on." "I don't know." "It's pretty nice." "It's painted on aluminium." "Hello?" "Hi there." "It's Ragnar." "The birthday boy!" "Right." "Congratulations!" "We're on our way." "Fine." "I'll wait down here." "Yo, yo, uncle Ragnar!" "Happy birthday!" "Get into the car." "Let's go!" "Eskil first, then Nora..." "Happy birthday." "Hi!" "Thank you." "How's your heart?" "It's still there." "What have you been up to?" "Pilates." "I think you've been doing something else..." "Wear your seatbelts this time." "We always do." "Of course they do." "Wave to mommy!" "So she doesn't get nervous." "Hello?" "Do you have any green coconuts for sale?" "Someone bought your last one?" "Don't you grow them industrially?" "All right." "Bye." "What does "industrially" mean?" "I don't know." "Are you hungry?" "Yes!" "I'm no damn clown." "I'm an artist." "I thought stand-ups were clowns too." "So I'm not good enough for you?" "This isn't about you, Rita." "I have something to contribute." "I feel I can change the world." "I've noticed how you look at Marianne." "You'd have to pay me to fuck that old goat!" "You know nothing about stand-up!" "I know you, Ulrik." "You're not in their league." "My parents were so skeptical." ""He isn't from a clown family," they said." "I had to convince them you had it in your blood." "That you were a born clown, like us." "You're fucked up." "Take it easy!" "Have you lost your mind?" "Kristina, listen to me." "First we go to my place." "Then we'll eat." "Afterwards." "What's the point of going to Burger King if we can't eat?" "First we have to do something important at my place." "Are you set?" "Yes." "Eskil?" "Come here." "Take this, and put it in the hole." "There you go." "Is the cheeseburger in heaven now?" "The cheeseburger is in heaven now." "Now remember, all the cheeseburgers   are very sad." "Once upon a time they had eyes, mouths, and ears, just like us." "And they were very nice and wanted to live and have fun." "But then some mean people killed them." "To eat them." "Was it the Swedes that did that?" "Yes, it was the Swedes." "It's OK, Eskil." "Don't be sad." "Now let's go eat at a vegetarian restaurant." "Yech, vegetables!" "Vegetables are good." "Uncle Ragnar!" "Eskil, get my pills out of my jacket pocket." "You aren't dying, are you?" "No, I don't think so." "It's crazy." "It's starting, Torgrim." "What if we lose our power?" "With your luck?" "I don't think so." "Torgrim moved into this house after finding his princess, Camilla." "They were to live a good life here." "After a few months Camilla got pregnant." "I'll have to take it like a man." "I'm sure Camilla regrets it." "Invasion of privacy, and all that." "No, right after the news." "Excellent." "Bye." "I was never depressed." "Then Camilla got pregnant." "It was totally out of the blue." "We hadn't planned it." "We wondered if it would be a football player or a ballerina." "Great!" "Good job, Marius." "A roof car." "It's driving on its roof." "A roof car." "Marius has Down's syndrome." "He isn't like other children." "He isn't what they had planned." "I didn't think I could bear having a child like that." "I wanted to give Marius away." "I didn't even bother naming him." "It was as if I had acquired a handicap." "An ugly handicap." "Thank you." "We have a lady here from the Ukraine." "Yes..." "You are responsible for the clinic and..." "Torgrim's initial reaction was to lose himself in his work." "He felt no love for Marius." "His marriage almost failed." "Then a beautiful, small miracle happened." "Camilla usually picks up Marius, but that day she had a meeting." "A course for parents with children like ours." "So I picked up Marius." "It was a perfectly normal day." "I had to stop for a red light, like I've done a thousand times before." "I looked back to see if Marius was OK." "And suddenly Marius looked at me." "He smiled with his whole face, like a happy clown." "An insanely happy clown." "As if he wanted to say, "I'm glad you picked me up today, daddy. "" "It was as if something broke inside me." "We didn't exactly get a football player or a ballerina." "We got something much better." "A professional heartbreaker." "Listen." "I haven't always had it easy." "Mom was a wino and dad was completely out to lunch." "So it hasn't been easy for me." "I'm an artist, not a clown." "So I've heard." "I have grand visions." "The world is waiting for me." "I'm fond of you, you know that, but I have to move on." "Just be careful." "Remember what they said." "Don't provoke them too much." "And remember our gig at that disco after the stand-up." "You're irritating to discuss with." "All I'm trying to say is..." "That's neo-imperialistic thinking." "It's important..." "Wanna dance?" "Sure, if you can find a chair to dance in." "Where were we?" "I don't remember." "Can you turn that down?" "Can you turn down that music?" "THE NATIONAL STAND-UP CHAMPIONSHIP" "Hey there!" "It's me!" "You doing all right?" "My name is Tore Ronny, but my girl calls me Tore Rodney." "I mean, there's a big difference between Tore Ronny and Tore Rodney." "Just like there's a difference between USA and China." "I like to have fun." "I'm a natural Northern Norwegian." "I'm so natural I blend straight into nature." "When my lady says that I fool around too much, I answer:" "I am but a simple fool." "If I were a little more cool, my girl could have said:" ""What a cool fool."" "But I do have a cock." "A nice big one." "This here isn't some little wiener." "We Northerners and Negroes have one thing in common:" "We need condoms the size of shopping bags before we jump in the sack." "You've noticed the power outages in town?" "Too bad I'm a Northerner." "If I had been a Negro, like him, I could have tried some black humor." "Good one, huh?" "You having fun tonight?" "Now it got black in here too." "Where evil reigns, someone brings light." "Here's to the USA!" "It may sound pompous, but you are actually light-bearers." "It's people like you that give hope to those who live in darkness." "You deserve an applause!" "It's fantastic!" "You have recruited 160 new members!" "That's 20 percent more than last month." "You've done a great job!" "But there is one person in particular   who has contributed to this new record by Amnesty Oslo." "She may not be nimble-footed, but she has a great spirit." "Kristin, alone, has recruited 49 new members!" "It isn't hard, with a wheelchair and doe eyes." "I can't give you a vacation, but..." "What?" "!" "But this is for you." "Here you are." ""The winner takes it all!"" "Here you go." "Let her boyfriend pin it on her." "Do you dare, Alexander?" "We're just good friends." "Is it any wonder I like her?" "Give us a real kiss!" "Hey!" "You're crazy!" "I just need to powder my nose." "Careful." "I love you." "I love you, Alexander." "I love you too." "I want us to be together forever." "Well done!" "You really are talented." "Hi!" "I guess you are more than a clown." "I love you, Tore Rodney." "Big words!" "A glass of wine." "On her." "Can't I love my boyfriend?" "My dad used to say he loved my mom, after beating her senseless." "So you see..." "Do you have a calculator?" "Thank you." "I'll tip you later." "Let's see..." "He got drunk 500 times over 24 years." "Pay attention." "He beat her senseless every 10th time." "That means he beat her 50 times, and after each time he said:" ""I love you." So those words mean something special to me." "I have something to tell you." "I've always wanted a house and kids." "And a Volvo." "And a Volvo." "Not least." "Well, we're on our way." "What do you mean?" "I'm pregnant." "With who?" "With you, funny guy." "Always the clown!" "I think that's great." "I've always wanted a little nipper." "Rita, I..." "I love you." "It sure got light in here!" "Fuck it." "I have discovered other values." "My life is no longer about money and success." "I see people now." "I've become a better employer and friend." "I think I've become a better person." "That was...nice." "You were very brave." "Bye." "Bye!" "I'm proud of you." "Bye." "Drive safe." "That was important." "Especially for the childless." "I know." "I'm a doctor." "Can't you give him a job at TV2?" "You can play doctor together on breakfast TV." "Bye!" "Want to go in and fuck?" "Are you sick?" "You aren't allowed to smoke in here." "Really?" "That's right." "I forgot." "But it doesn't really matter." "I'm leaving anyway." "You don't want to die, do you?" "Die?" "No." "No way." "I don't want to die." "But I have a lot to do today, so I need to leave." "Before I die." "Know what the punishment was for the worst Nazis during WWII?" "To be reborn as Swedes." "What do you mean?" "That's why there are so many blonds in Sweden." "I didn't just make that up." "Renowned Norwegian scientists have claimed that." "Reincarnation and all that crap." "I don't believe it myself." "You can watch TV if you want." "That's kind of you." "If Pippi Longstocking is on, I'd love to watch her." "Hi, hi, hi!" "Can you hear me?" "P-U-S-S-Y." "Ladies and gentlemen, sailors and horses..." "In the'50s that was funny." "Today, we're not really sure why." "Out of 20 finalists in this stand-up championship,   only five remain." "First we are going to meet the gentleman   the jury found "most interesting"." "Not least because of his...black humor." "He was first alternate in the Oslo championship." "His girlfriend has referred to him as an "artist"." "Tonight's trailblazer..." "Ladies and gentlemen:" "Tore Ronny!" "The Trumpet of the North!" "Hello." "You doing OK out there?" "My name is Tore Ronny, but my girl calls me Tore Rodney." "I come from Sleneset." "Or as the Lapps say, "I come from Slennesset. "" "I had to quit my construction job after getting a rod through my head." "But who cares?" "I ended up with Internet and disability benefits!" "Any homos here tonight?" "You look like a fucking faggot." "Does your asshole hurt deep inside?" "You have a rough weekend?" "Me, I'm hetero." "Seriously." "Anything wrong with that?" "Listen, I'm a Northerner." "I'm just trying to be honest and natural." "Are there any mentally impaired here tonight?" "I like them too." "Take it easy now." "There's our mongo!" "Have you been raped 55 times and kicked out of your welfare apartment?" "Are you guys all mongo?" "Are you all Southerners and mongos?" "You're the mongo!" "Shut up!" "I'm not mongo." "I'm a Northerner." "And we say it like it is." "Would you rather talk about immigrants?" "Want to talk about something else?" "How about incest victims?" "We have them in every other fjord." "They come out on TV with their sad faces and cry:" ""Daddy fucked me in the ass!"" "I didn't get laid till I was 22." "They've had sex since they were five!" "That's enough!" "We've heard enough!" "Shut up, you mongo cunt!" "You fuck niggers too?" "Slurp nigger cum?" "Didn't you think I'd notice that you shorted me 8 kroner?" "Your face looks like an abortion!" "I hope you die!" "Good evening, doctor." "Today is my 60th birthday." "Happy birthday." "Thank you." "I plan to celebrate." "Have you seen Alex?" "I don't know where he is." "Something exciting going on?" "Not at all." "I just saw a nice picture in there." "Want me to take you home?" "No, I'm being picked up." "Calm down, people!" "Shut up when your momma's talking to you." "She did it for free, I get paid for this." "Ragnar?" "Ragnar, are you here?" "There he is!" "Ragnar had some heart trouble today." "But now he's all hooked up again." "Can anyone jerk Ragnar, I mean jerk him off?" "Can anyone jerk Ragnar up on stage?" "Let's hear it for Ragnar!" "Hello, darling!" "Have you landed yet, or are you still out flying?" "I'm bisexual." "Bisexual?" "If I die, I'll become a bisexual ghost." "Shit..." "Hey!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..." "For me?" "I don't dare." "Sure you do." "Am I right?" "Come on, Ragnar!" "Come on!" "Lovely!" "You can't have all of it, but that green nut is yours." "If you can sink low enough, I promise you a rare pleasure." "Guaranteed." "Grab your nut." "I guarantee you green coconuts all day." "More, more!" "Don't do that, you fucking fag." "And you're Swedish too!" "Let go of my cock!" "Ragnar, you only get the nut, not the cock." "Are you nuts?" "Let go of my cock!" "I said the nut!" "You should never have done that." "Come here." "Come here." "Come here!" "What's the matter?" "I don't know." "I don't know, Camilla." "I'm just happy." "Ulrik!" "Stop the car!" "I can't get out of here!" "There's a dead man in there!" "Why do you do this?" "I love you!" "That's the problem." "I don't love anyone!" "You're just like your dad." "A piece of shit!" "I don't want a baby with you." "Hi." "Hi." "Hello." "Hello." "Good morning." "Have I come to Paradise?" "Welcome." "Thank you." "Didn't I tell you to be careful?" "Careful?" "How long can you be careful, Stian?" "You have to live too, right?" "Even if you're...a minimum pensioner." "How did you arrange that TV program?" "Arrange?" "They asked me." "Don't lie." "It doesn't become you." "You called them and asked to make a program with Marius." "I had to convince myself." "I don't know if I can handle it." "You can't always win." "I'm sure we'll have a ballerina next time." "Hello?" "Who is it?" "So..." "See you in a month?" "When I get my next welfare check, I'll call you." "Do." "Hello?" "No, I'm at home." "There's something I have to tell you." "I care for you." "I care for you too." "Wait, there's more." "I love you." "I want you to be my boyfriend." "Subtitles:" "Nick Norris"