"Previously on Greek..." "You never mentioned that you knew a Kappa Tau." "Heath?" "We met during rush." "It's no big deal." "It's the one chance we have to follow our impulses and get away with it." " So... what now?" " All I know is I'm in college," " and I had fun with you." " But what about Michael?" "Cappie and I kissed very briefly," " which we have since left behind." " Frannie called to warn me" " about Rebecca's Greek Week behavior{\in the first place}." " Frannie was your eyes and ears?" "The vote I care about is for president, and I'm happy to have you challenge me for that because I cannot wait to kick your ass." "Yeah." "You're ahead." "I count two more pink than white." "Which means our preliminary polls put me two measly votes ahead of Frannie." "I can't believe there's even a chance she could be ZBZ president again." "I know, right?" "It's like nobody remembers that she was removed from office last semester." "That was just last semester?" "It feels like forever ago." "That was Jessica S. She's going with Frannie." "Of course she is." "She still thinks I stole her toothbrush." "As if there's no {\possible way}Colgate makes more than one of the same stupid color." "Forget about Jessica S..." "and Jessica P." "We have Jessica M. and Jessica R. still undecided." "Half the house is still undecided." "And she's a senior, AKA one of Frannie's pledge sisters." "You have most of the juniors." " How many sophomores do we have?" " Seven firm, eight maybe." "Then there's the pledges." "Who will probably follow whoever Rebecca chooses to back." "Our very own super dele... pledge." "Which is why I want her to nominate me at tonight's meeting." " You think she'll do it?" " She owes me one." "But who knows?" "Rebecca is one tough nut to crack." "Yeah, she's like one of those pistachios with no opening." " I hate those." " So do I." "I just have to break her before Frannie does." "Speak of the nutcracker." "Frannie's calling me, too." "And me." "It's up to each of you to decide the fate of ZBZ on election night." "Who would you rather have leading the house, a sister with a proven track record like myself, or a sister with Lizzi on speed dial?" "Vote Frannie for ZBZ president!" "Uh, did Robo-Frannie seriously just drop a Lizzi bomb?" "What's the problem, little buddy?" "Is is a rainy day or Monday?" "Those always get me down." "I'm fine." "I need to get back to this boss." "For some reason I can't beat him." "It's just..." "I was reading through my journal last night..." " You mean your diary?" " No." "Journal." "And I realized this year's almost over" " and I only dated one girl." " And you see no obvious connection between this fact and the diary?" " Journal." " Right." "Well, you dated that..." "Jacqueline." "Jen K." "Right." "What about Crabs Girl?" "Hardly dated." "You went to the ZBZ formal last week." "Yeah, with my sister's best friend, as "friends."" "I just..." "I want to find someone to get excited about, you know?" "You sure it's not a diary?" "You're not doing much better." "You only dated Rebecca this year." "Buck up, Bridget Jones." "We just need to get back out there, cast a wider net." "A date dash for the Tri-Pis, perhaps?" "Get those girls in your house, it's not a question of if," " but when." " I got a better idea." "Meet me at 4:00 at Dobler's." "Intriguing and done." "Oh, wait, Rus, hey." "By the way..." "Sorry about all the diary crap." "You know, strictly between us," "I've got one, too." " Really?" " God, no." "I'll see you at 4:00." "Greek 2x08 The popular vote" "Synchro : 7844, Benj!" "She's about to sing Anything Goes." "You're gonna miss it." "I don't think "miss" is the word I would use when An Evening With Patti LuPone is involved." "I believe you owe me." "I did watch the Ducks game with you last week." "When you agreed to it you thought I meant The Mighty Ducks movie." "I'm an Estevez completist." "And technically, it is still sports." "I just want to read my book, OK?" "What's going on?" "Nothing." "I just have a lot of studying to do." "So, you know, I..." "I think I'm gonna go." "Cal, we can watch something else." "It's not a big deal." "It's OK." "I, um..." "I'll call you tomorrow, OK?" "Hey, Little Sis, off to class?" "No, skydiving, actually." "This is my parachute." "That's so funny." "Anyway, I was wondering, can I count on your support for ZBZ president?" "Casey, I'm sure you realize the success of the democratic process relies on the guarantee of privacy with one's vote." "Of course." "I also know that the only reason you have a vote is due to me standing up to Tegan on your behalf." "Which I will definitely keep in mind on election day." "I'm just curious, is there anything else we can put in your mind to help with your decision?" "I'll think about it while I'm at lunch with Frannie." "You know, if I'm elected," "Ashleigh and I were planning on moving into the... presidential suite and you had your eye on our room." " I do like your room." " It's a double." "I can't promise." "It's a double because of that other bed in there." "If that bed were to disappear, though..." "Tell you what, I'll start looking into a way to tweak the floor plans after you nominate me at tonight's meeting." "Hey, Rebecca, just FYI, our mani-pedi rezies are at 12:30." "They were totally booked, but I pulled some strings." "I'm so sorry, Frannie, but I just realized that my nails look awesome." "Thanks, though." "How strange, turning you down at the last minute like that." "It's far from the last minute." "Speed dating at Dobler's?" "This is your better idea?" "The fliers are all over campus." "You meet 20 girls in an hour." "If you hit if off with one, you get to go out on a real date." "I've heard of this before." "I believe we call them parties." "No, this is different." "This is a group of college students who are all looking for the same thing." " A life?" " A relationship." "Something real." "Something like I had with Jen K." "This whole thing reeks of desperation if you ask me." "No offense." "Non taken." "But you should know this event's sponsored" " by the women's volleyball team." " The volleyball team?" "Tall blondes with stamina?" "Hello." "Sign in here, please, and that will be $10 each." "Sorry." "I've got a policy." "It's more of a code, really." "I don't pay for things that I can get for free." "Water, valet parking," "Internet porn..." "I can meet any of these girls on campus at any time." "That's great, Fonzie, but they charge us to rent the space." "OK, you know what, I'll pay for both of us." "Thanks, buddy." "You know I can't break that code." "You get 2 minutes with each girl, so make it count." "Check off the girls you liked and if there's mutual interest, at the end of the session we exchange numbers for you." "Pretty simple, right?" "Will you be participating?" "'Cause I would love to check you off." "So, what's your major?" "So, what's your favorite position?" "I'm a polymer science major." "I meant on the volleyball team." "Where's your mind, you dirty girl!" "What's polymer science?" "It's actually pretty fascinating." "How much time do we have let?" "No, you keep talking." "I want to know all about you." "I'm in a frat, but we prefer "fraternity," actually." "Would you call your country a..." "Come on, of course I'm voting for you!" "In fact, let's just cut out the middleman here, pretend we're human beings, capable of making a love connection and I'll see if I ask you for your number." "We should vote for each other, you know." "How can you really get to know somebody in two minutes?" "You'll see." "I'm really kind of adorable." "Casey must have offered up something huge for Rebecca to blow me off like that." "So, you counter with a better offer." "And what exactly do you offer a sorority sister who has access to her own G-5?" "Certainly not chocolates." "And honestly, I'm sick of kissing her ass." "Just try another approach." "You know, whenever my father deals with recalcitrant board members, sometimes bad news is just as effective as good news to shake things up." "So, if telling her something she does want to hear isn't working, just tell her something she doesn't want to hear." " How many numbers did you get?" " Looks like ten." "Ten?" "Really?" " How many boxes did you check?" " All of them." " All 20?" " I took her advice." "I voted liberally." "Casey Cartwright for president." "Oh, out on the campaign trail?" "And on our way to lunch." "So, what's your stance on the war in Iraq and your plan to correct the collapsing housing market?" "Nice shirt." "Hey, have you been to Jamaica?" "No." "Why?" "I don't know." "I thought that your..." "I'd think that..." "Uh, never mind." "We just went speed dating and I got two numbers." "You guys were speed dating." "I don't really need to go speed dating." "I just went for moral support." "Cap went ten for 20." "I went two for four." "So, that's 50 percent each." "So, it seems that you guys both had the same level of success, statistically speaking." "I know." "Isn't that cool?" "Well, no, I don't speak statistically." "I got eight more potential dates, so how is that the same?" "Hey, you know what?" "Just good luck with your dates." " And try not to bak the speed limit." " Thanks, Case." "Good luck with your election." "Try not to..." "Lose." "Do you have any more buttons?" "I'll pass them around." "And, uh, try to keep the odds up." "It's good seeing you." "What a douche." "What happens tonight and at Thursday night's elections will shape the next year of our lives here at ZBZ." "It's more than just a popularity contest or who loaned you their Gucci bag last week." "It should also be noted that campaigning is forbidden" " during the nomination meeting." " Duly noted." "Thank you, Frannie." "Oh, and thanks... so much for that personal phone message this morning." "It made each of us feel so special." "So, let's begin our first round of nominations." "ZBZ president?" " Would you make the first nomination?" " With pleasure." "I'd like to nominate..." "Frannie Morgan." "Oh, thank you so much for that." "Rebecca has nominated me." "Any other nominations?" "Actually, I said Frannie." "Yeah, I think she said me." "Rebecca has nominated Frannie." "Brenda, you had your hand raised." "Uh, actually, I was also gonna nominate Frannie." "Would anyone else like to make a nomination?" "Anyone?" "Casey Cartwright." "Anyone else?" "All right, then." "No, no?" "OK." "Let's move on to social chair." " I thought we had a deal." " We did." "I found out about you and Cappie at Myrtle Beach." " What about me and Cappie at Myrtle?" " You two hooking up." "What do you mean by hooking up?" "Stop playing dumber than usual." " You two had sex." "I know." " Wait." "That is so not true." "Who told you that?" "Was it Frannie?" "It's all over the house!" "OK, come on, Rebecca, this just comes out the day before the election?" " I've been swiftboated." " I saw you two on the beach, building sandcastles together." "Yeah." "As friends." "So, you're saying you didn't hook up with Cappie over Spring Break?" "I did not have sex with that man." "What's up, Cappie?" " How'd your date go last night?" " She had eight piercings... below the neck." "You counted them?" "I mean, where were they?" "I'm partly grossed out, but just curious enough to require a visual." "I didn't see any." "She just told me about them." "She also said she hates dogs, she hopes to marry rich one day, then she said something else I won't even repeat because" "I think it's kind of fascist." " Next." " Yeah, it was doomed from the start." "There weren't any sparks," " not like there were with Jen K." " You're still into that girl?" "She's the bar." "Everything about her was perfect." "Except that whole article thing." " How'd your date go?" " Well..." " Which one?" " You had more than one?" "Is there some rule I'm not aware of limiting the number of dates allowed in a single evening?" "I had a coffee date, a dinner date, a drinks date, and then a booty call date with the coffee date." "You went out with three girls last night?" "They didn't all sleep over." "I do have boundaries." "And a realistic sense of my own libido after two pitchers." "I guess I'm just looking for something more than meaningless sex." "Why do you assume it was meaningless?" "It always means something to me." "OK." "OK, fine." "But I'm looking for something... more." "College is all about hook-ups and having tons of meaningful sex." "You can settle down when you're 40, drive a Porsche, and have hair in the most unseemly places but for now, carpe diem, Spitter." "Carpe the women's volleyball team." " What's the score?" " Seven-six." " You." " Easy there, tiger." "That's like the third time you tried to throw this basketball through me." "Sorry." "Did I do something to piss you off?" "You know, when Frannie was out of town," "I cheated on Michael because of you." "Have your parents ever talked to you about peer pressure?" "You made it seem like everybody cheats." "That it's OK as long as nobody finds out." "So you're mad at me because you cheated?" "I'm just pissed because I did it." "And because I'm keeping it from Michael." "And because he and I are so different, you know." "And because..." "I don't know what I want." "Listen, maybe you should just tell him." "Look, I mean, I speak from experience that when the other person finds out, deciding what you want becomes a non-issue." "But either way the ball's in your court." "What flavor's that," "Lemon Liar or Mint Chocolate Bitch?" "I's raspberry sorbet, actually." "Want a bite?" "I know it was you who started the rumor about Cappie and me." "Not cool, Frannie." "You're messing with people's lives and real emotions here." " Rebecca is really hurt." " Oh, look at you." "Suddenly so worried about poor, fragile Rebecca." "You lied, which doesn't surprise me but it still annoys me." "Politics is perception, poodle." "And the truth is irrelevant." "What the majority believes, that's what matters." "Oh, am I interrupting?" "Not at all." "I was just leaving." "OK, the house is alive with the sound of gossip." "Please tell me you're not carrying Cappie's love child." "I thought you two just kissed." "We did just kiss." "One tiny, miniscule little kiss!" "Frannie made up the sex rumor, knowing" "Rebecca would hate me for it and get the pledges to hate me, too." "Did you tell Rebecca the truth, that it was just a kiss?" "I can't!" "The damage is done." "By the time Rebecca cools down to understand what really happened, the elections will be over." "So, what do we do?" "Find some dirt on Frannie, add water and sling mud right back." "I cheated on you." "No, Mom, that was nothing." "I'm gonna call you back, OK?" "I'm..." "I'm sorry." "So, you hooked up with someone else?" "You remember Heath from the bar?" "We used to sort of... date." " Is it still going on?" " No." "Well, I guess we never talked specifically about exclusivity in our relationship." "You're taking this a little better than I imagined." "Why?" "Do you want to break up?" "I mean, don't you?" "I've had a lot worse happen to me in relationships." "But listen, we don't have to figure this out right here, right now." "I have to call my mom back." "Let's just take some time and think and we'll talk more tomorrow night at my place." "Yeah, sure." "OK." " L.C. to Audrina, come in." " Next time I get to be L.C." "Fine, Audrina." "Do we have a visual on Fran..." "I mean, Heidi?" "Heidi's in the common room painting her nails with Brandi." "Who we didn't give a code name to." "How about Whitney?" "Forget the code names." "I'm going in." "Are you in?" "Have you found anything yet?" "Checking the closet." "She has more shoes th an Sarah Jessica Parker." "Hello." "What do we have here?" " Are you shoe shopping?" " I found a box of protein bars that went missing last week." "The sorority paid for them!" " Jackpot!" " Not enough." "Even you and I have five boxes of Pop-Tarts stashed in our room." "At least Frannie's being healthy." "Have you seen the sugar count on those bars?" "Not so healthy." "They're removing the cotton balls." "{\I repeat: }They're removing the cotton balls!" "We need something else, something more." "I wish I was up there with you." "This is like watching paint dry." "In fact, it is watching paint dry." "Hurry up." "I'm getting nervous and when I get nervous I have to pee." "And I refuse to pull a Betsy and go in the bushes!" "I just need one more minute." "You don't have one{\more minute}." "They only did one coat!" "Casey!" "I mean, L.C. or whatever!" "They're coming up the stairs." "Abort mission, abort mission!" "That was my first time speed dating, too." "I was pretty nervous about it." "All my friends are so outgoing, they do all the talking and I have a hard time meeting guys." "I can be a little shy at first." "You know, shy is good." "I mean, I like shy." "I mean, I'm not really a body shot, dancing on the bar, wet t-shirt kind of girl." "Body shots are overrated." "I mean, they're unsanitary." "Really." "Can I take your order?" "Jen?" "I'm sorry." "I got it." "So, do you do this all the time or just when you see me?" " Just you." " Maybe you can aim for somewhere less embarrassing next time, like my shoes." "I'll try, I promise." "Oh, geez, you're on a date." "First date." " Is it going well?" " It was." "I'm so sorry." "So, what about you?" "You still seeing that guy?" "Who?" "Oh, no, we broke up a while ago." "I mean, I broke up with him." "That's too bad." "Yeah." "Whatever." "Well, I should get back." "Well..." "I'll see you around sometime." "Probably in a few minutes when I come take your order." "Great." "See you then." "Sorry about that." "Here you go." "Do you guys know each other?" "We..." " We used to date." " Yeah, but he broke up with me." "I mean, what I'm trying to say is, that he's a great guy." "You're in good hands." "Where do the lies end?" "How well do you know Frannie Morgan?" "Who is Frannie Morgan?" "You have a right to know the truth." "She was never captain of the cheerleading squad." "She was in band." "First chair clarinet." " I played the violin." " I played Maria in West Side Story." "Yes, which is fine." "And pretty cool in retrospect." "But it's not that she was in band." "It's she lied to all of us about it." "Oh, and remember how she said she was Miss Teen Indiana?" "Miss Turnip." "Runner up." "Where do the lies end?" "How well do you know Frannie Morgan?" "Trying to win some more girls by offering up your old room?" "Not exactly." " Where did you get this?" " Running for office can dig up dirty secrets." "And politics is perception." "Right, poodle?" "Want a bite?" "I ran into Jen K. last night at the Espresso Farm." "Really?" "Was she undercover, writing an expose on expensive cafes?" "No, but she did ruin my date." " And that's good?" " Yeah." "It made me realize the girl I was with wasn't right for me." "There weren't any sparks so I just have to keep looking." "For someone like Jen K?" "For someone that makes me feel all tingly inside like she does." "Did." "Why don't you just ask Jen K out again since you're obviously not over her?" "You really think I should?" "I don't know." "I've been sort of thinking about the past lately, too." "I wish someone would just tell me what I want." "I know what you mean." "How about I tell you if you should ask Jen K out again and you tell me if I should break up with Michael." " You're breaking up with Michael?" " I don't know." "You tell me." "What?" "Beer pong." "Great." "This is..." "Clear beer?" " It's water, Cap." "It's only 11 a.m." " Yeah, we're just practicing." " Beer pong." "Very nice." " Don't be fooled, Heath." " There is no beer here." " What are they playing with?" " You don't want to know." "This next song holds a very special place in my heart." "It definitely got me through some rough times." " You're amazing, Frannie." "Thank you." "But before I play again, I... want to welcome any questions that you may have for me." "I'm used to dealing with bullies, although I thought I left them all back in high school." "My question is very personal." "How do you do it?" "How do you..." "How do you stay so upbeat and wonderful?" "It's not easy." "But I have help." "I have all of you." "Oh, please." "You missed a real Kumbaya moment." "Apparently, when her parents got divorced all she had to console her was that stupid clarinet." "They divorced when she was three, and that sounds suspiciously like a Lifetime movie she and I watched last year." "You're not really buying this, are you?" "No." "But Frannie didn't sleep with my boyfriend." "We didn't have sex." "We just kissed." "And that's supposed to swing me to vote for you?" "It's the truth." "Technically, you'd just broken up with Cappie." "Regardless, it was just a moment and it hasn't happened since." "And I'm sorry." "That's the truth, too." "You must be the world's worst politician." "Maybe that's a reason to trust me." "So, let me get this straight." "The stickers on the ceiling are actual constellations?" "Yeah, it's what would be directly above us if there was no ceiling." "I just thought they were pretty." "They are pretty." "And accurate." "Your wheels are spinning." "It's this election." "It's gonna be my senior year and my last chance to make a diference in the house." "And the polls are saying Frannie won back a lot of votes after her little concert." " You guys have polls?" " Ashleigh." "It's crazy." "They don't even care that she lied about her past." "Is that crazy?" "I mean," "I lie about embarrassing things from high school all the time." "Oh, yeah?" "Such as...?" "If you asked me what I did on my hour lunch break, there is no way I would ever tell you the truth." "Let me guess." "In the computer lab playing World of Warcraft." "Lucky guess." "How..." "Wait." "How did you..." "Two years carpooling with Rusty." "He was a Rogue named Yarbinger." "Yarbinger?" "I did battle with Yarbinger." "Probably something I should have lied about." "Nice." "No, no, you're right." "I knew it wasn't gonna blow any minds that Frannie lied." "But it was all I had." "And now she's played the sympathy card, just like she played the redemption card at the convention." "She got on Tegan's good side by ratting out Rebecca..." "Oh, my god." "She ratted out Rebecca." "That bitch?" "I love it when you pretend to be catty." "I have to go." "I have a speech to edit." "See ya." "Dale got wasted?" "Your roommate who hated me from the moment he met me?" "Yeah, but he doesn't know yet, so don't tell him." " Do you remember my crazy roommate?" " The agoraphobe?" "She finally moved." "Dropped out of school and everything." "But when her parents came to move her out she was totally fine." " It was so weird." " I told you she was lying." "Hey, so, how's Casey?" "She's fine." " Yeah, everyone's fine." " Great." " Do you remember Vesuvius?" " Of course." "Gone." "Got trashed at a wild party." "Nothing but scraps now." "It was a great party, though." " I'm..." "I'm glad you called." " Same here." "I've been thinking about you lately." " Oh, yeah?" " Yeah." "I, um..." "Remembering stuff, like walking to class together." "Like falling asleep in the dorm room together." "And our first kiss." "That was nice." "Yep." "I'm glad you called." "You said that already." "Great timing." "The food just got here." "The place looks really great." "{\I thought }Moroccan food would be a nice change." "There's a great place across campus." "I promise you are going to love it." " Here, let me take that." " {\Ah, }You know, maybe we should go out." "{\Just }wait until you try the roasted lamb." "Yeah, I don't want the roasted lamb." "I don't want Moroccan food." "OK." "What do you want, Calvin?" "I just think that we should break up" "I like you, Michael, I really do, I just..." "I {\just }think we're too different{\, you know}." "I mean, look." "This isn't me." "I like hamburgers and hockey and you like... you like Moroccan food and Broadway divas." "How can you know who you are?" "You're 18." "Yeah, I know." "You're seven years older and wiser than me, which seems to be an unavoidable theme between us." "It is unavoidable." "This is your first serious relationship." "You have no frame of reference." "I'm telling you this is normal." "Yeah, but I gotta do what feels right." "That's what makes this such a tough decision." "I'm sorry." "I think you're making a mistake." "During my tenure as president, we were, without question, the strongest sorority on campus." "With me back in office, we will carry on our legacy." "We will party with the Omega Chis, and partner with them for every major event, like Rush Preferentials," "Greek Week and Homecoming." "With someone else in office, personal issues could get in the way, keeping apart the two most popular houses on campus." "And let's be honest." "That not only affects us, it affects the future of ZBZ." "I don't know about you, but in ten years when I come back to visit, I hope to find Zeta Beta Zeta is still the best house on campus." "Vote for Frannie and vote for the future." "And I almost forgot." "I won't raise dues." "There is no pledge ZBZ, sophomore ZBZ or senior ZBZ." "There is only Zeta Beta Zeta and that's whose interests I want to represent." "I have learned a lot as interim president." "And I'm still learning every day." "The difference between me and my opponent is that I learn from my mistakes and try to do better, while she just keeps pulling from the same bag of tricks." "And is that what we want?" "More of the same?" "A president who was removed from office and has not learned a thing?" "Are you willing to risk going down that same road all over again?" "I can't promise to be flawless." "But I can promise that I will be looking out for all of your interests, not my own." "A vote for me is a vote for all of us." "And I almost forgot." "I won't rat out one of my sisters just to curry favor with" "Nationals, like Frannie did to Rebecca during Greek Week." "Stop!" "Stop!" "Can we please stop fighting!" "And tearing at each other and try to pull together!" "For the house." "For our sisters." "Ballots are due in one hour." "Don't forget, every vote counts." "And now, the final two offices, as tabulated by ZBZ's own accounting major, who will be interning this summer at Pricewaterhouse Coopers, and who ensures the accuracy of tonight's votes." "Ivy." "Our new social chair... is Betsy." "I'm social chair!" "And finally," "ZBZ president is... by one vote..." "Ashleigh." "What?" "Ashleigh won." "What?" "You... won." "What?" "How's that possible?" "You weren't even in the running." "Third party write-in." "Some of the sisters and I decided we're in need of a fresh perspective." "I had nothing to do with this, I swear!" "You framed it." "Sorry." "I thought that we were past that." "That's why you called, right?" "Yeah." "Sure." "It's been six months." "Don't you miss it, though?" "What, the Greek system?" "Not really." "To be honest, I'm kind of surprised you stuck with it." "Why is that?" "I just never really thought those people or that world were really you." "You know, even when I was writing the article," "I think I gravitated to you because we were both kind of the outsiders." "Well, maybe you don't know me as well as you think." "Maybe I don't." "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." "Maybe it wasn't." "I should probably just..." "I'm gonna go now." "Rusty." "Don't call me." "I can't believe I lost." "It was so close, almost a three-way tie." "{\Well, }Obviously you have a lot of the girls behind you." "Or had." "Now we have to get behind Ashleigh?" " Yeah." " {\Oh, }Screw that." "Listen, you may not be president, but... that doesn't mean you can't lead the house." "Knock, knock." "Go away, Rebecca." "For what it's worth, which I'm sure isn't a lot," "I'm sorry, Case." "It wasn't personal." "It was politics." "I had great ideas for this house." "Did you?" "Because I didn't hear any." "All you talked about was turnips and clarinets." "You played the politics perfectly." "But great politicians are supposed to inspire people, not just be better than the alternative." "Congrats, Ash." "Are you OK?" "I'm fine." "Congratulations." "You know, when I was with Jen K, I was convinced she was it." "The one, or whatever." "And ever since her I've compared every girl to the great Jen K." "I've put her up on this pedestal." "But even now I realize that even Jen K isn't really Jen K." "I had the exact same thing happen to me with The Goonies." "They were in my top five all time, and then Beaver rented it last week." "Man, did those kids chew the scenery." "I made a mistake by going back to her, but I guess I..." "I guess I'm glad I did." "Because now you know." "She was your first, but she isn't the one." "I just broke up with Michael." "Really?" "Are you OK?" "I think so." "I mean, on one hand" "I feel relieved, you know." "And on the other hand, I... can't help thinking that maybe I just broke up with my soul mate." "What if one day I actually like Patti LuPone?" "OK, well, first of all, who doesn't like Patti?" "Have you seen her in Gypsy?" "Second of all, you can always go back to your soul mate, that's what makes them a soul mate." "I'm gonna find my soul mate... someday." "I'll tell you what, fellas, {\I think } I'm done with relationships for awhile" "I've only got five or six years left on this campus and I'll be damned if I waste a second of that time." "Life is too short." "And speed date number eight awaits." " Can I get a spot, Spit?" " Yeah." "While you're looking for that special someone might as well have a little fun, right?" "Cap!" "Thank god we didn't return this thing."