"The Stolen Eagle 400 years after the last king was driven from the city, the republic of Rome rules many nations, but cannot rule itself." "The city is constantly rolled by conflict between the common people and the nobility." "Power is shared and order maintained by two soldiers, old friends" "Gnaeus Pompey Magnus and Gaius Julius Caesar." "Once, Pompey was acknowledged by all to be the greater man, but for the last eight years, while Pompey has kept the peace in Rome," "Caesar has waged a war of conquest in Gaul that has made him ever more rich and popular." "The balance of power is shifting, and the nobility have grown fearful." "Though of noble blood himself," "Caesar stands with the common people." "A man like that, an aristocrat with soldiers, money and the love of the people, might make himself king." "Pullo, formation !" "Pullo !" "Single formation !" "Shields on me !" "Get back in formation, you drunken fool." "Reform !" "Legionary Titus Pullo is a hero of the 13th legion, but look at him now." "Justice knows every man's number." "He has committed a terrible sacrilege, and he will pay for it with his life !" "As will any man here who breaks the law." "Brawlers and drunkards will be flogged." "Thieves will be strangled." "Deserters will be crucified." "Is that it ?" "I was just beginning to enjoy myself." "Before you..." "Vercingetorix, son of Celtil, chieftain of the tribe of the Arverni, commander of the rebel stronghold of Alesia, king of all the Gauls." "What would you have of him ?" " Caesar !" " Caesar !" "Caesar !" "Caesar !" "Caesar !" "Caesar !" "Hey, what's going on ?" "Hey !" "Here !" "You piss-drinking sons of circus whores !" "The chief of the Gauls has surrendered to Caesar." "The war is over." "Don't say that." "The boys have been given two days liberty to sack the town and take personal spoils." "They'll all be rich." "And me in here !" " Come on, get in there !" "400 denarii ?" "are you insane ?" "That's a floor price." "we'll pay the usual premium for tradesmen and fertile women, et cetera." "From Pompey Magnus, sir." "Set the floor closer to eight." ""My dear friend and partner, Gaius," "I have terrible news."" "Forgive me." "Forgive me." "I forgive you." "I forgive you." " Be good to my slaves." " I will." "And to my father." "I will." "Kiss me." "Your hair." "Funny." "This isn't miserable Eastern peasantry." "This is the creme of the Gallic nations." "A glut on the market." "You won't be able to give them away." " Seven, and be done with it." " On delivery to Massilia ?" " Please !" " Agreed." "See to the details." "I hope you got a decent price off those parasites." "Good enough." "News from Rome ?" "Pompey writes." "My daughter Julia has died in childbirth." "I grieve with you." "The child ?" "A girl." "Stillborn." "Pompey will be needing a new wife." "Caesar !" "Caesar !" "Caesar !" "More of Caesar's spoils from Gaul." "Caesar !" "Caesar !" "What a dreadful noise plebs make when they're happy." "This is music." "Wait until Caesar starts them howling for our blood." "Then you'll hear something dreadful." "A fine reward is offered for the return of a slave woman, stolen or absconded from the house of Marius Dolabella." "Under the protection of Pompey Magnus and Julius Caesar, Senate sits tomorrow." "Be aware !" "No disorder will be tolerated." "That was lovely, Timon." "Two stallions have come to Rome today." "Of course, how childish of me." "You want the horse" "I do." "But don't be sullen now." "This was not a hardship for me." "I've always found something perversely erotic about goaty little men." "Do, please, don't lurk, Octavian." "Come in." "Don't be a goose." "Come in." "I've bought a horse." "Have you ?" "The best horse in Rome by all accounts." "I'm very happy for you." "It's a gift for your great-uncle." "I want you to take the animal to Gaul and give it to him in person." "Why ?" "Well, when he's back in Rome, everyone will be giving him gifts." "We must be first." "I doubt he will return to Rome anytime soon." "The Senate's hostility will prevent him." " Legally speaking, it is not..." " Please don't start speaking legally." "You know how it bores me." "It's a long way to Gaul." "Exactly." "While yet a mere boy, you would risk your life to honor your beloved great-uncle." "You ride into Caesar's camp alone, on a noble white stallion." "That's a gift he won't soon forget." "Alone ?" "Well, you'll have plenty of slaves." "You'll be perfectly safe." "And you'll make your mamma very proud and happy." "Cato, the Senate hears you." "Pompey Magnus..." "I have a question concerning your friend and co-consul-- the darling of Venus*, Gaius Julius Caesar." "*" "Why does his chair remain empty ?" "Why does he not come home ?" "His illegal war is over." "Gaul is long since on its knees." "Why does Caesar keep his brave soldiers from their families and friends ?" "For eight long years, he has gorged himself like a wolf on the blood of Gaul, and thereby made himself monstrously rich." " Why ?" " Sit down !" "Why does he ply the mob with races and fights and gaudy feasts ?" "Why has he paid the debts of every reprobate fool in this Senate house ?" "Why ?" "!" "I'll tell you why he does these things." "He wants to buy himself a crown." "He wants to destroy the republic and rule Rome as a bloody tyrant !" "That's why !" "Therefore, I move that Caesar's governorship in Gaul be terminated immediately," "that his armies be disbanded and that he be recalled to Rome to answer charges of illegal warfare, theft, bribery and treason !" "Very good, Cato." "Full of vim and verve, as usual." "Caesar has been generous to the people because he loves the people as I do." "It is the people that rule, not you, fine nobleman." "It is Pompey's soldiers that rule, not we, fine nobleman." "I'm going to save us all hours of useless clamor and use my consular veto on your motion." " Yes !" " I do not..." " I do not..." " Silence !" "Are we children ?" "Let the consul speak." "Thank you, Cicero." " I do not..." " However..." "If I might say a few words before you continue." "When confronted by a hungry wolf, it is unwise to goad the beast, as Cato would have us do." "But it is equally unwise to imagine the snarling animal a friend and offer your hand" "as Pompey does." "Perhaps you would have us climb a tree." "Caesar is my brother by sacred oath." "I know his heart." "He is my friend and a faithful son of the republic." "And until anyone proves that he is not," "I will never betray him." "Pompey Magnus, my dear fellow, you're well met." "Scipio, Cato." "I would not take you for lovers of the mime." "You know my daughter, Cornelia." "Widow of noble Publius who died at Carrhae.*" "*" "Cornelia, your husband was a fine Roman." "I thank you." "Father, my presence is not appropriate." "There's a lewd woman on the stage." "I had no notion." "We will not linger then." "Pompey, a pleasant good night." "If it please you, might we speak alone ?" "Neither we aristocrats alone nor you and your soldiers alone can crush Caesar." "Stop there." "I do not say that you wish to crush Caesar," "I only say that if you did wish it, you could not do it alone." "I have no need of you noble gentleman." "I have only to stamp my feet and legions will spring up all over Italy !" "I can squash Caesar like an insect if I wished it so." "I do not wish it." "Renounce him, Pompey !" "Renounce Caesar !" "Ally yourself with us and his strength will wither away." "It is you who is the real power." "It is you the people truly love." "Think you they will still shout Caesar's name when he runs out of Gallic trinkets to throw to them ?" "Think you I care what names are shouted in the streets ?" "Nothing is more important." "You ask me to openly betray a friend." "I cannot do it." "Good night." "Silly baby brother." "Everything will be all right." "Is he not perfect ?" "Proper little soldier." " He's scared." " Nonsense." "Roman men are never scared." "He's just sad to be leaving his mamma." "You're not scared, are you, Octavian ?" "Of course you're not." "Time flies." "Give me a kiss, my love." "Andros." "Bring him back safe or I'll use the eyes of your children for beads." "Lyco, the horse..." "Not too expensive, I hope." "I'm sorry, sir, the horse was sold already." "To Atia of the Julii." "Atia ?" "She's sending it to Gaul..." "A gift for Caesar." "Damn him !" "Must he have everything ?" "As you were going to be in Gaul anyway," "I might kill two birds with one stone." "Let me look at you." "As ugly as ever, I'm afraid." "Not at all." "Age suits you, Brutus." "How long has it been ?" " Five years ?" " No, six." "How clever." "It's almost like a proper house." "I deeply regret your loss." "Julia and so forth." "Horrible business." "Condolences, really." "Now tell me, how's your mother ?" "The same as ever." "She sends her love, demands to know why you haven't written to her in months." "I can remedy that if you'll be my courier." "I have several letters to send." "If I can ever bring myself to get on another horse." "I had no conception that Gaul was so far away." "Brutus, me old cock..." "What on earth are you doing here ?" "Mark Antony, how nice." "I've been visiting my cousin in Narbo." "How is that idiot cousin of yours ?" " He was..." " Actually, I'm sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush." "I need, say, a half talent of gold." "Do you ?" "See how he trusts me." " For the eagle." " Of course." "Strabo !" "Give his honor Mark Antony a half talent of gold." " A half talent of gold." " And not a penny more." "Dominus.*" "* = Master" "I don't know how you tolerate that man." "He likes to fight." "The way he carries on, one might think he came from no family at all." "He does have a vulgarian streak." "I don't mind it." "What is this about the eagle ?" "My personal standard was stolen by brigands." "A bad business." "The legions were already homesick and surly when the eagle was taken, now they're positively mutinous." "The men think it's a sure sign of my doom, and they're clamoring like geese for disbandment." "They did not seem so unhappy." "Well, they never flaunt their discontent." "Gets them whipped." "I tell you, Brutus," "I'm at my wits end." "Master Octavian..." "Vasio is only a few more miles." "Do not touch me without permission." "Water." "Lucius Vorenus." "You have a brain." "So the tribunes say." "So tell me, if it were you who had to retrieve Caesar's eagle, how would you go about it ?" "I'd take captives from every tribe in Gaul and crucify them one by one until someone tells me where the eagle is." "Then, I would go in quick and quiet with one or two men and..." " steal it back." " Good." "We are of one mind." "Do it." "Do it, sir ?" "Well, I believe there's a torture detachment with the third, but you may choose your own men if you wish." "There's a quarter talent there, for bribes and such." " Spend it wisely." " Sir." "No !" "Please let me down !" "Let me down !" "Let me down !" "I know..." "I know where the eagle is." "Speak." "The blue Spaniards, they came to stay for one night... and then rode to the Cadurci lands." "Please !" "Please, please." "Let me down." "Cadurci." "Fortune pisses on me." " Please let me down !" " Take them down." "Forculus*," "*Forculus = god of thresholds if you be the right god for the business here," "I call on you to help me." "If you will open this door, then..." "I will kill for you a fine white lamb, or, failing that, if I couldn't get a good one at a decent price, then six pigeons." "This, Forculus, I vow to you." "Legionary Titus Pullo, stand up." "What's he doing here ?" "You are to be released to the command of second spear centurion Lucius Vorenus." "Do your duty to his satisfaction, and you'll be spared damnation in the arena." "I won't even stand next to this short-assed shit, leave alone serve under him." "I'll stay here, thanks very much." "These orders come direct from his excellency Mark Antony himself." "You are to retrieve Caesar's eagle." "Me ?" "Retrieve Caesar's eagle ?" " Brutus ?" " Mamma !" "You can't imagine how good it is to be home." "You're as brown as a bean." "It makes me look quite soldierly though." "It does, it does." " How is cousin Marcellus ?" " Tedious but healthy." " And Caesar ?" " Who ?" "Don't be cruel." "Is he well ?" "Did he ask of me ?" "Did he ?" "I can't recall." "I think not." "He did write you a letter though." "You beast." ""Dearest Servilia, forgive my long silence." "These last long months were all blood and iron and mud, and no time for letters to friends." "Be sure that I have been thinking of you with great affection." "I long to be together and alone with you."" ""Great affection."" ""Longs to be alone with you"." "You think he says such things to his wife ?" ""Affection" ?" "What's that ?" "He could not say "love."" "Would you have him pluck a harp ?" "He's a soldier, not a poet." "The day dwindles." "Our guests will be arriving." "You ride well." "Almost as well as me." "Pullo, you will address me correctly." "Almost as well as me, sir." "Me, I'm a natural." "My father was a Ubian* probably." "* Ubians = German people, around Cologne" "Where did you learn to ride so nice ?" "Please yourself." "Only trying to be pleasant." "My mother's people raised horses in Mutina*." "Mutina = Modena (northern Italy west-northwest of Bologna)" "Mutina, near Regium ?" "Up round there ?" " Up there." " Good country." "Listen, sir, thank you, for taking me on this job." " A noble way to make amends." " Amends ?" "For getting me into this cack by calling me names." " Think nothing of it." " Never." "I won't forget." "Titus Pullo never forgets a favor." "What you mean, "hah" ?" "What do you think our chances are of finding the eagle ?" "13th never fails, eh ?" "Little or no chance." "The eagle might be anywhere." "Buried, melted down, sunk to bottom of the sea." "We are hunting a black dog in the night." "And not finding the eagle is much the same as losing it." "We will be disgraced." "Now, I chose you because you are disgraced already and condemned to die." "So you weren't making amends at all, then ?" "Pullo, in effect, you're dead already." "The loss of one drunken fool does little damage to the legion." "If I'm dead already then, sir, you should take care how you speak to me." "If I've got nothing to lose, what's to stop me cutting you into little gobs and riding off, eh ?" "What's to stop me, sir ?" "Well, if your honor as a soldier of 13th isn't enough, then I'll have to rely on my superior fighting skills." "Superior fighting skills ?" "Very good." "And of course, you have to imagine long hair down to here, huge moustaches, the most horrific stench." "They eat only raw meat and never wash." "They do have one admirable custom." "They settle their political disputes by single combat to the death." " Excellent idea." " Isn't it ?" "Mother is always nagging me to attend politics." "Well, it's been our family's tradition and duty for... 500 years." "It is such dreadfully dull stuff." "Now you see, if our Senate conducted business in the German style," "I should certainly go and watch." "Yeah, no tedious lawsuits and endless debates," "Just swords, daggers..." " Much more entertaining." " Brutus, a word." "Tell me, you are a good judge." "How is my dear friend Caesar ?" "Well, he is..." "He's been better, I think." "Very... very weary, to be honest." "A little demoralized." "Caesar demoralized ?" "Never." "His standard was stolen." "How did he let a foolish thing like that happen ?" "I don't know, but his manner and uproar about it..." "You know how plebians can be about such things..." "Desperate to come home, mutinous." "I have heard there was some discontent, but mutinous ?" "Hard to believe." "Can you imagine ?" "After all he has done for them, he is not sure whether they will will fight for him anymore." "And the lower classes have a very very crude sense of loyalty." "No offense." "I don't mean you." "You are lower class, but that is to say, the lower class in general, however." "A very crude sense of loyalty." "Excuse me." ""My dear niece," "I hope you and the children are well." "I have a task for you." "Policy dictates I give a new wife to Pompey, but I have been gone too long to know who among the females of our family would be suitable." "I would ask Calpurnia*, but though an excellent wife," "* she has no eye for this kind of business." "Do me the favor of selecting whichever girl you think most likely to please and offer her to him in my name."" "Excuse me, I was far away." "Caesar has no bad news for you, I hope." "No, not at all." "Not at all." " What a lovely party." " Thank you." "Not as lovely as you look in that dress." "And Octavia..." "Beautiful." "Well, I try." "She will insist on slouching." "Where's Octavian ?" "He's in Gaul." "Great mother says no harm shall come to your boy." "Good." "Tell me now, how goes your marriage ?" "Glabius is a good man." "You surprise me." "I always thought there were difficulties between you." "Must you always have a needle in hand ?" "I was only asking." "Excuse my curiosity." "There was some difficulties in the past, but we overcame them." "We love each other very much." "Well, that's a shame." "Now I feel bad." "I thought you'd be overjoyed." "What do you mean ?" "Uncle Julius intends to marry you to Pompey Magnus." " Uncle Julius intends..." " I know Pompey is a touch low in manner, but I'm told he's a perfectly adequate lover." "And you shall be the first woman in Rome." "We shall have to get you divorced from Glabius, obviously, quick as poss." "I will not do it." "I love my husband." "If you do not divorce Glabius willingly, then Caesar will ask Glabius to divorce you." "And Glabius will refuse." "Doubtless, and then he'll be killed." "And does anybody want that to happen ?" "Caesar would not do that." "The man's been in Gaul for eight years." "He's practically a wild beast." "The man has tears in his eyes." "Tears !" "He loves me." "A womanish husband is no use to anyone." "And your servants !" "What a fuss !" "I think you feed them too much." "A little more arsenic, I think, Gaia." "Try to look a little more cheerful, Octavia." "It's for the good of the family." "I don't care." "You and I and your brother are alone in the world." " We have to be strong." " We are not alone." " Caesar is..." " Caesar is in Gaul." "Pompey is here." "Courage, my love." "The Parthian were threatening my left flank." "And so, rather than shorten the line as would be conventional," "I sent in my cavalry reserve and outflanked the flankers." "Bravo, Magnus." "Masterly." "Is he not, Octavia, masterly ?" "Masterly." "Magnus, tell me something, and be honest." "Does my daughter please you ?" "Very pleasing, no doubt." "Then I can tell you that Caesar, as a token of his abiding friendship, would like to offer her to you in marriage." "She is not married to young Glabius ?" "Divorced." "Perhaps you need time to think." "Excuse me." "I was taken unawares." "How could I refuse such a worthy and dignified bride ?" "Caesar is far too generous." "Excellent." "We would have to wait until next month for an actual ceremony, of course, when Julia's mourning days are over." "Of course, of course." "But you may take your betrothal privileges any time you wish." "Now, if you like." " Really, that's not necessary." " Don't be silly." "Octavia would love to." "There's no need for shyness." "We're all family now, after all." "British women..." "Now, that's savage cunny." "You have to hunt them down like deer." "Mind, once you get them under you, slack as your best Narbo scortum." "Do you care for nothing but women ?" "What else is there ?" "Food, I suppose." "You don't like women ?" "Of course I do." "I'm married to one." " I have a wife, Niobe." " I see." "Centurions can marry then ?" "I received a special dispensation." "A special dispensation ?" "She must be some good woman." "She is." "Been awhile since you've seen her then." "Seven years, 140 days." "That's hard." "May Fortune smile on you." "Me, I have simpler tastes." "I like to kill my enemy, take their gold and enjoy their women." "That's it." "Why tie yourself to one ?" "Where's the flavor ?" "Where's the joy ?" "Pullo, when was the last time you had a woman who wasn't crying or wanting payment ?" "You're on first watch." "Wake me when the moon's at the zenith." "Right you are, sir." "Halt !" "Halt !" "Sons of Dis* !" "Dis = other name of Pluto, god of the underworld" "They weren't such good horses anyway." "My people fought at Zama* and Magnesia*," "*" "My father rode with Sulla*, and I'm reduced to this..." "*Sulla = Roman general and dictator (138-78 b.C.)" "unhorsed and robbed by children." "Nice horse." "Look here, Mars*." "Look here, Mars." "*Mars = god of the war" "I am Titus Pullo." "These bloody men are my gift to you." "Thank the gods you came." "I am extremely grateful to you." "Listen to me." "I order you to release me this instant." "Fine way for a slave to talk." "You won't get far with a mouth on you." "I'm no slave." "I'm Gaius Octavian of the Julii." "Great-nephew of Julius Caesar." "Gaius who ?" "I am a Roman citizen of noble birth, and I order you to cut these ropes." "Say please." "Please." "Be assured you will be amply rewarded for your services to me." "See how good he talks ?" "He's convincing, I'll give him that." "Caesar will prove who I am." "Take me to him." "We cannot do that as yet." "We have orders." " What orders ?" " We are to retrieve Caesar's stolen eagle." "Caesar wouldn't pull a hair for his eagle." "You're on a fool's errand." "If Caesar doesn't care about the eagle, why did he send us to find it ?" "It would look strange if he made no efforts." "Actually, losing the eagle is useful to Caesar." "Why would that be useful to Caesar ?" "Because Pompey is no deep philosopher." "He will take a symbolic loss for a real weakness." "Explain." "Caesar doesn't want to strike the first blow against an old friend, so he wishes to lure Pompey into attacking him first." "Pompey will only do this if he believes Caesar is weak." "No." "They're as good as brothers, those two." "When Julia died, the last true bond between them was cut." "Caesar has taken the love of the common people from Pompey, and that was his most prized possession." "A battle is inevitable." "Pullo." "Blue Spaniards !" "Good morning, uncle !" "Octavian ?" "One of Pompey's men." "I misjudged him." "I thought it would take strategy to turn him against me, but he must have turned the moment Julia died." "And all the while he was defending you in the Senate." "He has the cunning of a sardine, poor fool." "The battle begins." "About time." "Porca Juno." ""Dearest Pompey," "I believe the enclosed man belongs to you." "a quick note to tell you I have decided to winter the 13th legion closer to home, at Ravenna." "So I shall soon have the pleasure of paying you homage in person."" "Pompey !" "Pompey !" "All of you, this is my new wife, Cornelia." "Maybe if you'd summoned a little charm instead of moping about like some torpid old she-cow," " this would never have happened." " Oh, my dear !" "Please, I was only speaking in anger." "Everyone knows it's a political repudiation on account." "Pompey and Caesar are enemies now." "One only has to look at Cornelia." "Poor sad chicken, plucked and boiled." "Maybe Glabius will take me back." "We're going to find you somebody much more worthwhile than Glabius." "I've been dishonored and shamed before the whole city !" "Nonsense !" "A girl from a good family can never be dishonored by a villainous little pleb like Pompey !" "No..." "It is I who has been made to look foolish." "It is I who have lost face !" "I want him dead." "I want him dead." "And that you shall have." "Pompey will eat sand for this."