"Dear Mom and Dad, the fevers are back" "A doctor came from Vila Real and gave me some pills." "I didn't like him." "He wasn't kind and didn't give me any candy," "Like dad used to do with the kids sick with malaria." "The good thing was not having to go to school." "But don't worry, I will borrow the books from a friend." "There's a new teacher from Lisbon," "Miss Minda, and she's a hippie." "She smokes a lot, and my eyes start to hurt if I stare at the blackboard for too long." "That's why I prefer to look through the window and see the sawmill far away, and the white roof because of the snow." "The snow is no longer so beautiful as I said in the other letter." "The snow is never enough to cover the white mud on the roads." "It's so cold that it's freezes in front of the school, and I have to walk carefully so I don't slip." "Some kids make fun of me, they call me of those names you told me to never say." "I know that they are stupid and poor and that is not their fault." "Their parents are the worst." "They drink and then beat their kids." "But I don't feel sorry for them." "I think they all deserve each other." "I miss you a lot." "I know mom will be here soon." "It's gonna be good." "Yet I miss so much to be there." "I miss our home." "I also miss Bolinhas, Judite and the twins." "I even miss Cuca." "I think that if he could see me now he would remember the great life he had with us, and will stop to be with those bad people." "Maybe he'd even cry, and call my 'dear boy' again." "I'm sure we still have good friends," "I'm sure that we still have people there who like us, and don't want to hear about revolution." "People we still can climb on trees and have picnics with." "Dear mom and dear dad," "I know we should leave just because we are portugueses and because here is no longer Portugal." "But how would be Portugal a great place, if Portugal is only about poor and ugly people?" "Taking the squelectic cattle around, having nothing to eat." "Maybe my parents already forgot how Portugal really is." "Just like my teacher seems to have already forgotten when she said the name of the rivers, the train stations and the cities, no word about the misery, about the sadness." "Portugal is a really sad country and will be like this forever." "In my biography you will find everything," "Reporter, detective, investigator, a great fool." "Bound to fail in anyway." "A stupid and presumptuous man." "Because the truth is not revealed in this piece of journalism or in the judicial processes, based on false testimonials of brave people, who do not deny who they are." "How easy it was to lose it," "I remember the four friends from primary school, with them everyday was different." "We used to spend our time together, in a poor area in Milan." "It was in front of the factory, my whole body was shaking," "I was 10 years old, and had three stones in my hand." "Those stupid kids from school were making fun of me saying I didn't have the balls." "But I know that even today no one will disagree that only a few Italians, has more balls than me bigger than mine." "I wasn't afraid of the police, neither of the Guard Gracio." "I would throw the stones and scream:" "Death to fascists!" "A week later the owner sold the company for nothing." "And left Milan to go who knows where." "Taking with him his wife and daughter." "Alessandra, my love." "I'm an old man." "And I'd rather live a life in its fullness even if this would make me a victim of lies and envy." "As many friends as many enemies." "I loved more than thousand women, and I believe at least one of them has loved me as well." "These are the facts." "But those who believe to know who I am, they don't suspect they wouldn't believe how many times I went through the night covered in tears repeating her name." "Alessandra, where are you?" "Did I really understand how much I loved you?" "I would have told you, if I wasn't throwing stones and fighting against the fascists, fathers of this country." "I was only afraid of the heavy and mysterious silence." "The same when I did something wrong like eating bogers, believing no one was looking at me." "I thought I could be a singer, and with Germany in my pockets," "I stretched my body, wearing shorts too short, which made me look silly." "Or like in my sleepless nights, you kept levitating over the floor, with a certain theatrical arrogance, typical from a trapezist." "Alessandra, do you remember the circus?" "You, a blonde and silent angel." "Above so many things, marvelous, with your striped skirt, indifferent to the bad manners of the police." "You are special, Alessandra." "You would look down, your face inclined like you were enchanted, sleeping alone there, in front of the TV." "You were happy there." "I wrote a song for you, Alessandra." "My little daugther, my dear baby, no matter what you will be in the future, a dancer, a lawyer," "Gold medal in hipism, astronaut, detective, anything." "I'm afraid you will never be able to have a real father." "And if one day you ask me to explain it to you," "I will simply deny everything." "On this day the signs of my negligence will be as evident as they are today." "Just like today, on that day" "I will defer changing the lamp in the storeroom." "How many years ago did this lamp stop working?" "On this day I will let the maid decide what will be served for dinner and then I will brush my teeth with one of those many toothbrushes, that out of laziness I've never thrown away." "Today France decides its future, my daughter." "Tomorrow I quit my job." "The polls are are quite reliable." "But tomorrow just like today, I will still be your father." "I will pay for your dance classes, and your law school, at your request I will bring docile horses and wise instructors." "When time comes," "I will introduce you to the director of the European spatial program." "I will open you the doors of the library filled with crime stories." "You will have everything you need." "These are the future proofs for my love." "And when you will uselessly look for me on the pictures of your past birthdays, or when you try, without luck, to remember of a walk with me in the park, or when you realize that I'm a stranger," "and that you don't know my favorite animal, or favorite color, don't be sad." "Remember that you had all you needed, and that we suffer less when we lost something we've never had." "and for you the end has started before you could even notice it." "My daughter, it was for your own good, as to lose what we already have, that is extremely sad." "We are forced to live in this eternal present time, and here the light in the storeroom it's not important, not as much as to gather all these useless objects, and as long as we have something to put in our mouths," "it doesn't matter what's for dinner." "Honestly, I don't have a favorite color or a favorite animal," "If I had it in the past, and lost it, that I can't remember." "I can't remember when I stopped to make whishes, as I saw shooting stars, just like my father had taught me." "For me the end started too long ago, so long that I can't remember the details." "Today is the happiest day of my life." "I love my husband." "All the important people from the Univ. of Leipzig were in the wedding." "The party was well represented." "The Secretary told us that the party has high hopes for the union of such bright scientists." "My mother was really touched, and even my father, who celebrates the ritual of matrimony on his way." "But I have to confess the uncomfortable feeling of this plot, this damn Opera, that even against my will, is imposed over the Waltzes and Polkas." "Irreducible, overwhelming." "I remember the earlier days, when we were less happy." "For example, when I was 10," "I went to see Parsifal with my aunt and my cousin." "A beautiful day it was." "The light inside the West Berlin theater, the red curtain, it felt really imperialist, but wonderful nonetheless." "What a thrilling evening!" "The light and the curtain." "The actors were fabulous." "But afterall, a normal day when compared with present days, the important for me, for my parents, for the Church, for the University, for the German Democratic Republic." "If I can't take Wagner out of my head, my husband will end up asking for divorce." "And now that Wagner is a fascist," "I could be accused of betraying the socialist revolution." "Shame on me if today is not the happiest day of my life." "When would it be, then?" "Why precisely today I have this pueril joy of showing off my father's pass for his return to the country the new pants he brought from the other Germany?" "It's not the revolution that I betray with these silly souvenirs, this harmless vanity." "The revolution is betrayed everyday, by the weakness and arrogance of those governing this sad country" "I don't betray my husband, either, who I love and will love forever." "But I know I am offending god with my fake smile, and by making the inglorious effort of looking happy, when in fact I don't feel happy." "I come from the other side of the wall," "I'm happy, I am free, I do not owe explanations to anyone, not to my parents, not to my country, not even to God." "If I close my eyes really hard, in a way I can't see anything, would this music stop and everything go back to normal?" "January 21st 1975, Vale de Nogueiras" "July 13th 2011, Milan" "May 6th 2012, Paris" "September 3rd 1977, Leipzig" "Redemption"