"Hello, Mia." "Paul, are you all right?" "Yeah, I'm..." "I'm fine." "I'm so sorry about your father." "Uh, thank you." "In Treatment" " Mia - Season 2" " Episode 21" "I found out from Ellis at work." " How are you?" " I'm..." "I'm fine." "You can't really be fine." "I know that I'm not supposed to talk to your lawyer, but you never canceled on me before." "Some things are bigger than protocol, aren't they?" "I mean, life and death, and losing a father." "Paul?" "Sorry." "It's ironic that we were talking about your father last session." "I've thought about that." "You know, the strange thing is I haven't spoken to him since then." "But I can't imagine what I would do if..." "I'm sorry." "This is not about me today." "Did you get my card?" "I stood in that store forever trying to pick it out, you know?" "What kind of picture?" "What kind of message?" "What did you think?" "I haven't read it yet." "Because I sent it?" "You were away all last week and you haven't opened your mail?" "That's not a good sign." "Sounds like you're worried about me." "You do look tired and you're not wearing a jacket." "Are you sleeping?" " Are you eating?" " No, I'm fine." "You said that before." "I know that you have to be the neutral shrink, but, you know, this is a relationship of a sort, isn't it?" "Yes, it is." "I appreciate your sympathy." "Granted, I am not the first person you would reach out to." "Our last couple of sessions, I have been..." "A challenge to put it mildly." "But I was concerned." "I wondered who do you have?" "I don't know if you're close to your ex." "I assume your kids are with her." "You haven't been in New York that long and it's hard to find friends." "Well, are you worried I'm lonely?" "No offense, but I can see it in your face." "Is it possible that you're afraid I'm not ready to give you my full attention today?" "No, that's not it." "I mean, this is me being caring." " Is that okay?" " Yeah, of course it is." "It's not what you..." "Look, you don't have to worry" " about my feelings." " Does anybody?" "Would you rather I yell at you for canceling?" "Are you saying you felt like yelling when I canceled?" " It was fine." " No other reaction?" " I got over it." " Before or after you had seen Ellis?" "Okay, true, I went to Ellis." "Also true I was a little upset... more than a little." "And then I felt like a jerk when I found out why you had canceled." "But that was last week, and now everything's changed." "Why is that?" "Because I'm pregnant." "Oh, that's  that's really... big news." "No kidding." "Are you surprised?" "Me too, especially with my F.S.H. levels." "It's strange timing with us... life and death." "Do you wanna have the session out in the snow?" "I mean..." "Sorry." "You were telling me about your..." "F.S.H. levels." "No, we were past that." "I was talking about our timing." "20 years ago you were having your first child and I was losing mine." "So have you been thinking about that time?" "It's different this time." "I know everybody says you get pregnant and everything changes, but it's really true." "My body feels totally different." "I've stopped smoking." "There's this preschool on my block that I always avoid because it's... moms with their humvee strollers blocking everyone, like they're privileged because they procreated." "Now I just walk through smiling." "So you went from jealousy to feeling like part of the club." "At work, Bennett... who's leaving friday, finally... he had asked me to take over this big case, assuming that I would just crush the other side as usual." "But I took one look at the poor family and I cut a deal." "He was pissed." "You're sure you're not trying to punish Bennett?" "He's marrying stefanie." "That'll be punishment enough." "I feel bad for their kid, you know?" "I mean, he's a double adulterer and she's a bimbo." " Why are we talking about Bennett?" " Well, you brought him up." "And he is somebody that you did want to have a child with." "It's... it's not his." "I did the math." "Still, it's interesting that you found out that Bennett was having a baby and a couple of weeks later you're pregnant." "Are you saying that I'm competing with Bennett?" " That's what you think I think?" " "that's what you think I think"?" "Paul, I'm having a baby because I went on a sex spree that weekend without using protection." "Maybe that wasn't the smartest thing but maybe it was." "So maybe you weren't just being reckless." "I figure it was guitar boy and not the middle-aged cop, which is good, because there won't be any paternity issues if I decide not to tell." "Guitar boy doesn't even have my number or my last name." "So you don't want him involved?" "I know the baby needs a father, but not one like that." "Does this silence mean you're appalled?" "Hey, I'm pregnant." "I thought that you would be happy, that we'd celebrate." "This is really bad timing." "I know." "What would you like me to say, Mia?" ""Wow, Mia!" "That's amazing!" "You came saying you wanted a family, a child, and then you got it." "Congratulations."" "In other words, you had a problem and now you have a solution?" " Well, can't that happen ever?" " Of course." "It sounds ideal." " What else would you like to hear{\from me}?" " This game again?" "How about" ""don't worry." "You're going to be a good mom and I'll be there for you."" "Could you tell me what that means, "i'll be there for you"?" "I have major decisions to make." "Like what?" "Like do I need a doula?" "Should I have genetic testing?" "Will my apartment be big enough?" "And you want me to help you with this{\those decisions}?" "How much time should I take off?" "Or should I just quit and move to the country?" "These are all big questions." "Your sisters have children." "Have you spoken to them?" "They're busy with their own kids." "And my mother?" "Forget it." "And my dad, he loves his grandchildren, but he doesn't do anything." "He just lets them admire him." "You sound sure that your mother wouldn't want to help you," " but she did with your sisters." " That's different... they're younger, they're married..." "And she actually likes them." "And she doesn't like you?" "For me she was less of a mom and more of a vase... beautiful, but hard to the touch." " That's a very powerful image." " She was beautiful until I ruined her figure." "Oh yes... her mantra." "Has that been on your mind this week?" "I've always kept in shape." "I think men like that and now that'll all go." "I hear your feet get bigger." "I hate big feet." "Not to mention what birth does to sex." "I mean, you've been there." "It stretches, right?" "The size of a baby's head compared to the size of a penis?" "That can't be good." "And the man thing is over, isn't it?" "Guys my age, they have grown kids." "They don't want to change diapers again." "I mean, would you?" "What... what are you asking me?" "Come on, Paul, just answer my question." "If someone like me would be attracted to a woman like you?" "We've already done that." "I get it... we're not a couple." "I'm saying hypothetically if I got fat, emotional... more emotional..." " if I had to cater to an infant..." " I don't think that rules out all men." "So I could still get the drooling guy on the back of the 6 train?" "I mean, look, having a child can ruin even a good relationship." "Is that what happened to you?" "Your wife did all the child-rearing while you sat in that chair{\listening to people's problems}?" "She actually dealt with people's problems?" "It must've pissed her off." "Obviously, something did." "But I'd rather talk about your anger than my ex-wife's." "Fair enough." "Who... whose are those?" "Yours or your kids?" "And why are they in here?" "Are you this responsive with your kids or are you different as a dad?" "Okay, great." "You're bored?" "You're annoyed?" "You can't wait till I get out of here?" "And we're back to your default..." "that I want to kick you out." "You did just look at your watch." "You have never done that." " I've never worn a watch before." " That is not the point." "I am right." "You should not be working this week." "I'm fine, Mia." "If I said "i'm fine" four times, you would be all over me." "You're not even in the room, emotionally." "Admit it." "Why did you look at your watch?" "It's my father's watch." "I'm sorry." "I must have glanced without meaning to when you mentioned the word "dad."" "It's not even ticking." "Time stops when I'm here." "If I wasn't pregnant, we could call it a day and goo a bar." "That would be better for both of us." "Is this the bar in soho where you hoped we'd run into each other?" "Yeah, although this time we could act like we'd just met." "As in "hello, is this seat taken?"" "Right." "And I'd say, "No, hi," "I just found out I'm pregnant after a binge weekend of anonymous sex."" "And you would say "my father just died." Then we'd get plastered and fly to vegas and get married." "And then what?" "You know me, I'd fuck it up." "But it was fun, wasn't it?" "I can see how we both could think it would solve our problems." "Don't go overboard." "Mia, I think there's two issues here:" "one, your feelings about the pregnancy;" "two, your feelings about not having a partner." "And it could be that they're..." "Intertwined." "I mean, you've said a few times that it feels like" "I'm not in the room today." "You mentioned you're worried that having a baby is gonna make you feel less physically attractive." "Is it that you're afraid that no one will be there for you if you have a child?" "Well, I will be a single mom." "That's... harder." "Yes." "It can be." "And okay, I admit it isn't my first choice but I can't have my first choice." "This is what I have." "It's not picture perfect." "And what's picture perfect?" "Me, a baby and a man." "And what kind of man?" " What?" "I don't know." " No idea?" "That's not the point." "Why aren't you encouraging me?" "You're in the mood to celebrate and you feel that I'm not joining in that." "No, I think that you think that I'm too fucked up, that I'll be miserable - and a disaster." "You know that's not what I said." "Never mind." "I will call guitar boy." "I'm sure he'll take full responsibility." "Or... or I'll just do it all on my own." "I'll quit my job, I'll gain 100 lbs and I'm sure I'll still be as good as my mom except that this baby won't have a dad." "Why don't you just take a breath?" "God, I need to smoke." "Oh." "You won't let me." "I thought you had quit because you're pregnant." "One cigarette isn't going to do any harm." "I'd rather you didn't." "I'm in withdrawal, okay?" "I think you're agitated." "Why do people have children anyhow?" "They want little versions of themselves to gaze up and say "i love you"?" "They want to relive their own childhoods?" "That... that is the last thing I want to do." "The truth is I like visiting my nieces, but I cannot wait to get home." "You don't give me that sense." "What was I thinking, sleeping around like that?" "If I had wanted a child, I would've had one by now." "Maybe I should give it up for adoption." "You don't want to have the baby?" "I'm just..." "Go on, Mia." "Just talk through it." "Tell me what you're feeling." "It's okay." " These feelings." " Shut up." "It's not okay." "This isn't just my feelings." "This is it, right?" "This is my last chance..." "And I'm..." "I'm too scared?" "This sounds very similar to what you were saying 20 years ago." "You're right." "This is just how it felt back then, isn't it?" "I didn't want to have a baby." "I wanted to have an abortion." "And is that what you want to do now?" "No." "I don't know." "I mean, come on, Paul." "We both know I'm..." "I shouldn't go through with this." "Mia, look, I understand that you may be feeling just... overwhelmed right now..." "Yeah, you think?" "But you are in a very different place than you were back then." "Some of your concerns are..." "they're practical." "You can handle them now." "You know how to hire a nanny, how to buy a bigger apartment, how to make a living." "But maybe the real question is do you want to raise a child if you have to do it on your own?" "Will you help me?" "I..." "I can help you as your therapist." "Well, I know, but I've never been a mother - and you're the father." "I'm the father?" "N... no, I misspoke." "You're not the father." "You're a father." "Nevertheless, you did want us to celebrate, you asked if I would stick with you if you were pregnant and then you imagined how we might run away and get married." "So if you're creating a new family, Mia, it's possible that you'd like me to be there... in the picture or in the room." "And here we are." "And now I just want you to tell me that having a baby means I won't be alone for the rest of my life." "Actually, I can tell you that in my experience at times it feels like when you have a child, you'll never be alone again, or even have a moment to yourself." "Who... who else have you told about the pregnancy?" "This time?" "No one." "Even after you took the test?" "I think you're right, Paul." "I do want to pull you in." "Of course, you know I..." "I'm scared." "I'm worried about doing it on my own." "But I heard what you said." "I'm not the same person I was 20 years ago." "There's just this new life." "I can feel it." "And this time I want it." "You really do." "And I'll try my best to be a good mother..." "Even if I'm afraid and even if it's just me." "I think maybe this is a good place to stop." "Wow, that went fast." "It's okay." "I'd better get going." "The subways are going to be all screwed up." "But you... you should take the rest of the day off... a snow day." "Go for a walk in the park." "Eat something." "Thank you." "And, Paul..." "Please be happy for me."