"and now the secret origin of" "Mo-larr, eternian dentist!" "Moe larrstein was just an" "Average citizen until, one" "Fateful day... [ school bell rings ] ...The day he took his s.A.T.S!" "[ ding!" "]" "With a math score of 520, the" "University of eternia was" "Marginally impressed." "Acceptance!" "Now there was only one thing" "Left to do -- apply for a" "Student loan!" "An unsubsidized loan was" "Available at a rate of 6.8%." "But in the most dramatic twist" "Yet, moe qualified for a" "Subsidized federal loan at a" "Rate of 5.6%!" "Moe suddenly realized that his" "Student loan was tax-deductible." "His deduction could be claimed" "Whether or not he itemized said" "Deductions, as long as he used" "The proceeds from the loans for" "Qualified education expenses," "Such as room, board, tuition," "Fees, books, and other supplies." "His deductions were valid, but" "Only if he attended classes at" "Least part-time in a recognized" "And accredited program!" "When we return, learn which of" "Mo-larr's credits transferred to" "His new school." "The answers will shock you." "and I'm also a client." "and now a sneak peek at" ""transformers 3."" "careful, sam." "If megatron gets the allspark," "He will rule the entire" "Universe." "Or it might kill him and then" "Possibly raise him from the" "Dead." "Frankly, sam, I don't [bleep]" "Know what the allspark does." "starts Friday." "so, after you discarded the" "Official massachusetts" "Curriculum, what did you teach" "Your science class?" "well, I simply told my" "Students that when you study how" "The pieces of our world fit" "Together, it's obvious it was" "Made by a higher creative" "Intelligence." "[ jurors booing ] he's a monster!" "no, please!" "I don't want this!" "Aah!" "now rub it in." "Rub it in all over." "[ crying ] oh, yeah." "That's the stuff." "Oh, yeah, I smell it." "I can smell you from here." "Oh, my goodness." "Oh, if I puncture you, you're" "Gonna ooze juices." "and now a sneak peek at" ""transformers 3."" "yo, dude, have you seen my" "Teddy bear?" "yeah, my mom said it was" "Dirty." "She was cleaning it." "dude, I had a bag of" "Angel dust in there!" "oh, no!" "[ munching ] no, mom!" "bargain gravy starlight" "Pumpkin dollars!" "mom, mom, mom, mom!" "Mom, you are talking crazy." "aaaaaaaaah!" "mom!" "unh!" "starts Friday." "well, I'd like to do that," "But it's against my religion," "You know." "[ oinks, scoffs ] raaaaah!" "Oh!" "You must be here for the -- raaaaaaaah!" "Hey, feel free to look around" "And -- if you need any help carrying" "The " "[ flames whoosh ] who dares disturb the slumber" "Of the ancients?" "!" "Prepare to be " "Oh!" "You want that." "Oh, heavens, yes." "It's all yours." "In fact, if you'd like " "No way!" "Tell me you did not just " "Oh, that is " "That's just spiteful is what" "That is!" "You know what?" "[bleep] you, all right?" "Just [bleep] you!" "hello, governor!" "Ready for a new season of" "Tracey ullman's" ""state of the union"?" "I can do impressions!" ""I am a jew."" ""hey!" "I'm a cabbie!"" ""I'm an angry lady!"" "It's wonderful!" "[ slow-motion ] I created" ""the simpsons," sort of." "this summerprepare yourself" "To feel..." "With tobey maguire..." "I love you, mom." "...And jake gyllenhaal." "I also love you, mother." "Gene shalit says..." "I miss her." "leonard maltin says..." "I also miss her." "viggo mortensen in" ""carlito's way" says..." "Don't miss... and now a sneak peek at" ""transformers 3."" "[ telephone rings ] [ indian accent ] hello." "Customer support." "[ indian accent ] where is" "The nearest deli?" "you mean an old deli or a "new deli"?" "thank you!" "Come again!" "who wants to be a" "Millionaire?" "!" "[ bollywood-style music plays ] starts Friday." "much appreciate you letting" "Me stay here, son." "I'm sure the bank just had some" "Kind of computer snafu." "You know, that happens all the" "Time." "I'll be out of here in no time." "if skeletor's army manages to" "Breach the -- adam!" "Hey, check it out " "Cheese and crackers." "I call 'em "chackers."" "Who wants some chackers?" "Oh, the towel." "Well, me and chackers here get a" "Little crumby watching my" "Stories." "Ah, you guys are working." "I'll be in the den." "I have the power!" "but do you have the remote?" "Ha ha!" "I was just joking." "I thought it'd be, you know..." "Anyway, you're busy." "[ roaring ] hey, adam!" "I can't find discovery channel" "For the life of me." "Do we even get that?" "It's shark week!" "♪ bum, bum, ba ♪" "Love me some shark week." "Never missed it." "True story." "All right, if you think of the" "Channel, give me a little" "Shouty-shout." "Back to work." "[ sighs ]" "Sack whack!" "I'm sure you'll be happy here," "Dad." "so, this is me placing an" "Order for some spicy nachos," "Some guacamole -- wouldn't mind" "That on the side." "If you don't mind, the mild" "Kind, 'cause -- you'll observe "lights out,"" "Or I'll knock your lights out." "Take that in." "[ door slams, locks ] [ inhales deeply ] [ sobbing ]" "this might hurt a bit." "I doubt it." "[ shudders ] [ laughs evilly ]" "Once I transfer my consciousness" "Into a smurf body, I'll" "Infiltrate their village and" "Destroy them all." "meow?" "will I what?" "meow?" "will I [bleep] them before I" "Eat them?" "meow, meow." "oh, cook!" "Will I cook them before I eat" "Them?" "[ both laugh ] 'cause I was like, "oh..."" "I mean, you were almost looking" "For a new apartment, man." "Seriously." "[ beeping ]" "ah, damn." "Lost already." "[ wolf howls ]" "What is that?" "!" "A wolf?" "!" "A fox?" "!" "Some other "party of five"" "Actor?" "!" "And it's out of here!" "[ imitates crowd cheering ]" "Yes, now, where was I?" "Oh, yes, terrified." "I don't know what you're" "Blurring out." "Smurfs don't have nipples." "[ pop!" "]" "Not arousing." "a new smurf?" "Most unusual." "What is your name, outsider?" "gargam-- garga-- uh..." "Gargle smurf." "oh, really?" "Well, tell me -- how did you" "Smurf that name?" "if you're asking whether I" "Will gargle your balls, sir, the" "Answer is no." "wha-- moi?" "That wasn't what I meant at all." "more like closet smurf!" "then it's settled." "Gargle smurf must pass our tests" "To become a member of our" "Village." "[ all cheering ]" "And vanity's gay." "[ all cheering ]" ""smurf" is not only a noun" "But also a verb, adjective," "Adsmurf, and a dangling" "Partismurfle." "Now you try." "uh, the smurf... yes." "...Smurfed... mm-hmm." "...In a very smurfy... mm." "...Smurf." "It's like you're not even" "Trying!" "now you must tame your very" "Own smurf-eating bird." "did somebody say" ""smurf-eating?"" "both:" "Shut up!" "[ zing!" "]" "[ bird roars ] you can do it, gargle!" "I smurfed it!" "I smurfed it!" "Aah!" "Aaaaaaaaaaah!" "Aaaaaah!" "It's trying to feed me to its" "Young." "[ grunting ] [ bones cracking ]" "Yeah, you won't get me." "[ all cheering ]" "I'm so proud!" "Your bird accepted you as one of" "Its very own children." "Did you bond with your new" "Brothers and sisters?" "I sure did." "♪ chum, yum yum ♪" "♪ chum yum ♪" "♪ chum, yum yum ♪ smurfette, I have a" "Confession." "a what?" "a smurfession." "oh, my." "I'm not really gargle smurf." "I'm " "I'm gargamel." "[ record needle scratches ] [ smurfs hissing ]" "Wait, wait!" "I see how wrong I was all these" "Years!" "let's hear him out!" "hear him out?" "He ate farmer smurf last year!" "in my other body, I was" "Bitter and old, but here, I've" "Learned what it means to love." "can you find it in your" "Hearts..." "To love me?" "people, he beat clumsy to" "Death with a pipe!" "oh, you're going to be a" "Great smurf." "smurfette, I finally feel" "Like I belong!" "No one's ever depende me" "Before." "[ flies buzzing ] [ up-tempo music plays ]" "[ telephone rings ] hey, son!" "Hey..." "I don't like it here." "I, uh..." "Want to come home." "dad... no, no, no, before you go on," "Look, I know I messed up, but" "You know what they say -- a" "Man's home is his castle, and," "Uh, well, adam, my castle's" "Filled with death and urine." "So, uh, what do you say?" "Can dear old dad get his old" "Room back?" "Huh?" "I mean, look, I'll " " I'll givee" "Table," I'll tell chackers to" "Take a hike." "You remember when you fell off" "The structure and you had those" "Stitches, and -- and I ran you" "To the hospital?" "Hmm?" "Okay, guilty." "That was "kramer vs. Kramer,"" "But we saw it together." "Okay, let's think about this" "One." "♪ the cat's in the cradle and" "Your dad is scared ♪" "Okay?" "Are you there?" "It sounds like you're working." "Are you?" "Yeah, you're working." "All right, give us a jingle back" "If you get a chance." "I'll talk to you later, adam." "This is your dad."