"Do tell, what's wrong this time?" "(Sighs) I ordered a BLT, but they got the tomatoes under the bacon and the lettuce on top of that." "The whole thing's inside out." "Any fool could see that is clearly a TBL." "The bacon goes up and down, not crossways." "The tomatoes go in the center." " Wanna know why?" " Not really." "So the lettuce and the bacon can shield the juice." "You have given this a troubling amount of thought." "Now that's what I call a BLT." "That's what I call OCD." "(Theme music plays) ♪ Mama said she didn't raise no fool ♪" "♪ One mind apart is never stronger than two ♪" "♪ I'm about the life, about to come on strong ♪" "♪ Come on come on, come on, come on ♪" "♪ Whoa, yeah ♪" "♪ One mind apart is never stronger than two ♪" "♪ Whoa, yeah ♪" "♪ Mama said she didn't raise no fool. ♪" "Oh, Marcus." "Oh, good, you got a message." "Steve Harvey called." "He wants his suit back." "Hey, this is my lucky suit, Silver Streak." "We won a lot of cases together." "Mm." "You've got a loose thread here." "What?" "No, no, no... oh!" " I'm sorry." " Mama!" "Silver streak down!" "Silver streak down!" "Okay, okay." "Which sleeve?" " Right arm, top seam." " Michael, duct tape." "Needle." "Thank you." "Dear God, it's like watching a pit crew at fashion week." "There's some dirty guy outside selling meatballs on a stick." "Those aren't meatballs and that's not a guy." " Lizzie, this is a pleasant..." " No, it's not." "I need a new phone." "Someone stole mine." "Did someone really steal it or were you just texting in the shower again?" "I have cramps." "And checkmate." "Write down what you want." "What kind of stepfather are you?" "Ambivalent at best." "You said her daddy don't give a damn." "You're her only father figure." "Do your job." "Here, but I want it in gold." "Of course you do." "Lizzie, I've decided that you need to help pay for this phone yourself." "What am I supposed to do, sell my Ritalin at school?" "You know, you could help Michael out in the afternoons with... with..." "What is it you do?" "I don't babysit entitled teenagers." "I'm not entitled." "I deserve everything I have." "My phone was stolen." "Talk about blaming the victim." "I'm stuck with you all day." "I think we know who the real victim is." "Come on." "Okay, all done." "But, be careful." "One good sneeze and it just might blow." "Chic as that duct tape might be," "I think it's time you got a new suit." "I'm gonna take you shopping." "I know a wonderful haberdashery." "I'm not "haberdashering" with you nowhere." "Marcus, my good man, you are in for a treat." "(Chuckles)" "Ah, please, after you, sir." "Ah, Hoffman's." "Breathe it in, Marcus." "(Both sniff)" "Smell the fine Italian merino wool." "Smells like 500% markup to me." "Clothes make the man." "And child laborers make the clothes." "You know, being fired by my father was difficult." "It was losing my Hoffman's account that felt like the cruelest blow of all." "These people felt like family to me, unlike like my own family, who felt more like shopkeepers." "I want to meet this family someday." "Oh, spare yourself the recurring nightmares." "(Chuckles) Let's go get you a suit, hmm?" "Man, I can pick out my own suit." "Suit yourself." "(Laughs) I just..." "May I help you?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." "I'm just browsing." "Well, this is our exclusive line." "But we do have a wonderful sale going on over here." "Well, I like these over here." "I like the material on them and all... damn!" "Is that for the whole rack?" "Maybe I'll just look around." "Yeah." "Excuse me." "For real, man?" "Here you go, Mr. Braddock." " We've missed seeing you." " Oh, thank you, Emeline." "Say, what happened to the caviar station?" "They moved it upstairs next to the Brandy bar." "Let me know if there's anything else you need." "Mm-hmm." "Ah." "No place like home." "This is like a bowl full of boring that you poured boring on to make it even more boring." "Could you tone down the whining?" " I'm getting a headache." " Good." "Let me guess, you're a mean girl." "Let me guess, so are you." "You don't know how lucky you've got it." "Allen is actually a pretty great guy." "Don't care." "Check out these receipts I found in his files." "You're supposed to be filling, not snooping." "What'd you find?" "He flew to Florida last month but he told me and my mom he had a meeting in New York." "Oh, my God." "Don't care." "How's it feel?" "Why would he lie about going to Florida?" "Who wouldn't lie about going to Florida?" "I know he's hiding something." "When I find out what it is, he's gonna pay." "Work now, extort later." "Allen, you ain't gonna believe... what's that?" "It's demitasse, and these madeleines are excellent." " I didn't get a cookie." " Madeleine." "It's not really a cookie so much as a little cake." "The guy back there keeps watching me." "Well, you're an attractive man." "Take it as a compliment." "No, I'm talking about the security guard." "And I don't like that saleslady either." "It's called first-class service." "Oh, I know what it's called." "Look, if I'm not being watched, how come I'm the only one on the monitors?" "No, you're not." "We're both up there." "My God." "Look, I really don't have a bad side." "(Laughs)" "(Whirring)" "I'm outta here." "I'll meet you outside." "Marcus, they've just refilled the beluga bowl." "(Sighs)" "Emeline, do you happen to have a to-go cup?" " Of course." " Thank you." "If you don't mind, I'll just take a few of these." "Marcus!" "What are you doing?" "I'm not spending my money in a store that treats me like a criminal just because I'm black." "Is that what you think?" "You people are so hypersensitive." " "You people"?" " Oh, here it comes." "Not everything is about race." "Unless you white." "Then it's cappuccino and cookies." "Madeleines." "You don't know what it's like being black in this country." "Now that was pure racial profiling." "Oh, would you wake up and smell the equality?" "This country elected an African-American president." "Oh, we have a black president and now we call it even?" "Only if we want to overcome." "I'm trying to overcome the urge not to kick your privileged ass." "Oh, yes, yes, it is that kind of hostility that only perpetuates the stereotype." "Sir?" "Hoffman Security." " I need to check your pockets." " For what?" "A piece of jewelry went missing." "You have no right to search him." "We could go inside and wait for the police." "Are you calling me a thief?" "Look, I'm a Hoffman's regular and he is with me." "No, I don't need you to vouch for me." "I see what's going on here." "I know the deal." "Yeah, okay, fine." "Search me." "I know what's happening here." "This is absurd." "This man is my partner and a respected attorney." "He is guilty of nothing." "You missed a pocket." "You know what I'm guilty of? "SWB"..." ""Shopping While Black."" "He doesn't have it." "You damn right I don't have it." "Damn right." "Well... obviously there's been a mistake." "You're damn right there's been a mistake." "And you screwed with the wrong guy!" "You haven't heard the last of Marcus Jackson." "You know, I'm..." "I'm beginning to think maybe you were being watched." "Madeleine?" "Just absolutely shocking." "I was fine with old "Silver Streak,"" "but ol' Allen had to take me to "Clothes by the Klan."" "I am stunned that Hoffman's would treat a person that way." "Say the word and I can organize a boycott faster than you can say..." "Um..." "What's the name of the lady who sat on the bus?" "Rosa Parks." "No, that doesn't sound right." "Oh, Lord." "Well, honey, I hope you were polite and kept your hands in your pockets." "You know I've always taught Marcus you can't ever give those people a reason." ""Those people"?" "Why is it you people get to say "those people,"" "and we people don't get to say "you people"?" "I thought maybe some scotch might help calm your nerves." "I'm a little rattled, thank you." "Oh, your dad might like a drink, too, Laura." "(Scoffs)" "You know what?" "I was profiled, and I'm suing those people for everything they got." "Now, I like that idea." "Allen Braddock, champion for civil rights." "You know, you can't buy that kind of publicity." "Well, you can but it's really expensive." "Screw publicity." "It's the right thing to do." ""Tomato-to-mah-to." You know, Hoffman's might be willing to offer a really fat settlement just to avoid bad press." "Well, how fat we talkin'?" "I'm talking break a sweat while you're making a sandwich fat." "Ooh, I could stand to be morbidly rich." "Thanks, baby." "You know your father might want a drink, too." "It's curious, though." "Marcus was never even near the jewelry counter." "I was the one that was try... uh-oh." "This is the $5,000 watch I was trying on at Hoffman's." "Holy crap." "You stole a $5,000 watch?" "By accident." "You don't suppose that..." "Everything's always your fault?" "Yeah, I do." "Oh, you know we will return that watch." "It does undercut our case a bit." "No, it supports it." "Hey, I was patted down and they let "Whitey McWhiteface" rob the place." "I'm Dutch-Scottish." "We are a pasty people." "Marcus, there's a lawyer here from Hoffman's, Danni Parker." "They must be worried about a lawsuit." "And they should be." "You can tell Mr. Parker to go to hell." "Ooh...!" "Uh, we shouldn't be rude, Michael." "Show her in." "Of course they'd send their most attractive lawyer." "Don't let her distract you." "Yeah, yeah, I won't." "How do I look?" "You're drooling." "Ooh, you know what?" "Let's not tell her about the watch." "Let's hear their offer first." "Marcus Jackson." "This is my partner, Allen Braddock." " How do you do?" " Danni Parker." "Hoffman's wanted me to express their apologies for the misunderstanding yesterday." "Misunderstanding?" "You mean the egregious racially-motivated attack on my partner's civil rights?" "No, I mean terrible misunderstanding." "My clients wanted you to have this thousand-dollar Hoffman's gift certificate." "Miss Parker, my partner was falsely accused and publicly humiliated." "We intend to sue." "Look, can't we discuss this over dinner?" "Oh, I'm onto your game." "You're gonna ply him with liquor, tempt him with your feminine wiles, then get him to sign away his soul." "Hey, I don't mind being plied." "Doesn't mean I'm gonna change my mind." "Great." "Call me." "That woman is a fixer." "She's gonna try to get you to drop this case." "You know, maybe I should come to that dinner with you." "I can handle Danni Parker." "Let her flash her beautiful smile, bat those big brown eyes, show some leg." "Even if she drags me back to her place and does all sorts of things to my naked body," "I will stand strong." "Even if I'm lying down." "Not exactly filling me with confidence." "Look, hotel receipts from Allen's Florida trip." "Check out the room service charges." "Dinner for two?" "So he ate with a client." "Who stayed for breakfast?" "No, Allen's having an affair." "You don't know that." "$200 in minibar charges?" "Maybe it's something innocent and simple." "Maybe he's just an alcoholic." "I don't know, she makes a pretty good case." "One thing I've learned is that most affairs involve a motel and a minibar." "Often a leash." "Every now and then, a boomerang." "(Laughing)" "Why does my mom always end up with such losers?" " Or do all men cheat?" " Not all men." "Yeah, just the ones with penises." "Marcus, can't we resolve this without a trial?" "You do legal work for the Jefferson Community Center." "What if we made a hefty donation?" "I want to see your client take out a full-page apology in the paper." "Oh." "Waiter, we're gonna need another bottle." "Yes, make that a Château Maraux, please, and I'll have the filet medium rare, thank you." "Sorry I'm late." "Allen, what are you doing here?" "I realized I was shirking my responsibility as a crusader for civil rights." "Ain't nothing worse than a born-again black man." "Look, my clients want this to go away." "Here's what they're offering." "We seem to be in the right neighborhood but we're looking for something with a little more square footage." "Wait, this is a nondisclosure agreement." "Yes, but that's a lot of money." "Yeah, but they won't have to admit to any wrongdoing." "But it's a lot of money." "I don't care." "I'm not signing this." "Marcus, this is a negotiation." "There's good cop, bad cop, and then there's dumb cop." "Look, it ain't about the money and it ain't about the watch, which we still have, by the way." "You did take it?" "No, I simply forgot I had it on." "In that case, let me amend my offer." "See you in court." "Wait, I thought you was paying for this." "Lizzie, what are you still doing here?" "Your mom's due in from her spa trip." "Mom's flight lands at 4:00." "It's up to you and your wallet which Lizzie she meets at home... happy, discreet, thin Lizzie or bitchy, vengeful, thin Lizzie." "Clearly you're in some sort of a negotiation, but as we usually ignore each other, I'm at a loss." "I know about your trip to Florida." "So pay up or I'll tell mom you're having an affair." "(Chuckles) Lizzie, I would never cheat on your mother." "That's exactly what a cheater would say." "Trust me, I had a very good reason for going to Florida, but I don't have to explain myself to you." "Fine, then you can explain yourself to mom." "If you must know, your mother asked me to go." "Oh, please, you're a better liar than that." "(Sighs)" "Look, your dad got in trouble again." "I bailed him out, he stayed with me at the hotel until his hearing the next morning." "You know I can call him and see if you're lying." "You'll have to wait until the first Wednesday of next month." "There was only so much I could do." "He's never gonna change, is he?" "Look, he's not such a bad guy..." "Once you get past his disturbing preoccupation with knives." "I guess neither of us ended up with perfect dads, did we?" "I'm sorry for assuming you were a liar." "Oh, you're not wrong." "But I keep it in the courtroom, where it belongs." "What are you doing?" "I thought you might like a hug." "Yeah, we're not there yet." "Danni Parker is arrogant." "There's nothing less attractive in an attractive woman than arrogance." "Would you stop obsessing about that woman and focus on the hearing?" "I am focused." "I'm gonna show Danni Parker it takes more than a tight skirt and cleavage to win a case." "Oh, yeah." "We're gonna teach her a lesson she won't soon forget." "Yeah, we gonna whip her butt, huh?" "We're gonna give her a legal spanking' she'll remember forever." "We're gonna have her down on her knees screaming for mercy." "We still talking about the case?" "I'm not sure." "See you tomorrow." "I believe the video leaves very little room for doubt, Your Honor." "Mr. Jackson was unjustly subjected to a degrading public search based solely on the color of his skin." "Your Honor, racial profiling has been tolerated way too long." "We intend to help end it with this lawsuit." "Mr. Braddock, I'm confused." "You stole the watch?" "Absolutely not, Your Honor." "I merely walked out with it." "Then why aren't you on trial?" "That is exactly our point." "I was not even a suspect while my African-American colleague here was already tried and convicted in the cold hearts of the defendants." "Your Honor, one could as easily assume the two of them were criminal partners involved in a shoplifting scheme." "Yeah, he steals while I distract everybody by being black." "The plaintiffs can't know what's in the hearts of my clients any more than we can know Mr. Braddock's motive for taking the watch." "We move to dismiss." "Mr. Jackson, while racial profiling should never be tolerated, intent is hard to prove." "I understand your suspicion, but since the watch was taken," "I'm forced to dismiss for lack of evidence." "(Sighs)" "That was fast." "I even have time to hit the gym." "How can you defend their right to treat us like second-class citizens?" "Look, I hate what happened to you, but in a court of law, it's about what you can prove." "Well, thanks for your help in furthering the cause, sister." "This successful sister is out there every day furthering the cause." "Yeah, you keep telling yourself that." "I should kick your holier-than-thou ass up and down this hallway." "Oh, yeah, I'd like to see you try in those six-inch heels and that skirt." " What?" " For Pete's sake, just ask her out." " You wanna go out?" " Yes, I do." "How do you feel about Italian?" "The food or the culture?" "Well, I'm not taking you to Rome." "Dinner it is." "I'll call you." "I see some very angry sex in your future." "Amen, brother."