"One, two." "One, two, three, four!" "¶ I've been out of the woods for six days and nights now ¶" "¶ and I'm a little hard-wired but I'm feeling all right now ¶" "¶ I've been out of the woods for six days and nights now ¶" "¶ I got some money in my pocket and I won't need a ride yeah ¶" "¶ I've been out of the woods for six days and nights now ¶" "¶ got a big-jetted car and a baby by my side, yeah ¶" "¶ I've been out of the woods for six days and nights now ¶" "¶ well, I'm a little hard-wired but I'm feeling okay ¶" "¶ I've been out of the woods for six days and nights now ¶" "¶ and I got a little lost out along the way ¶" "¶ I've been out of the woods for six days and nights now ¶" "¶ but I'm just around the corner to the light of day ¶" "¶ I've been out of the woods for six days and nights now ¶" "¶ yeah ¶" "¶ I've been out of the woods for six days and nights now ¶" "¶ I'm just around the corner to the light of day, yeah ¶" "¶ I've been out of the woods for six days and nights now ¶" "¶ I'm drivin' 500 Miles got 500 to go, yeah ¶" "¶ I've got rock 'n' roll music on my radio ¶¶" "¶ I'm drivin' 500 Miles got 500 to go, yeah ¶ look, Debbie!" "¶ I'm drivin' 500 Miles got 500 to go, yeah ¶ oh, my God, hi!" "How are you?" "¶ I'm drivin' 500 Miles got 500 to go, yeah ¶ we watch your show all the time." "Good to see you." "¶ I'm drivin' 500 Miles got 500 to go, yeah ¶ thank you." "Thank you." "All right." "You have a good day." "¶ I'm drivin' 500 Miles got 500 to go, yeah ¶" "Bye!" "¶ I'm drivin' 500 Miles got 500 to go, yeah ¶" "They say the only luck is the luck you make." "In the winter of '88, I was the luckiest man alive." "They say the only luck is the luck you make." "I had it all... fame, fortune and my own parking space..." "They say the only luck is the luck you make." "At Harrisburg's trendiest bistro." "They say the only luck is the luck you make." "I would have done anything to keep it all." "They say the only luck is the luck you make." "And, unfortunately, I did." "They say the only luck is the luck you make." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Did you get a haircut?" "Oh, yes." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Yeah, it looks good." "Don't get too good-looking." "I'll be out of a job." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Oh, how about this winter weather, eh?" "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Farmer's almanac sure didn't get it right this year." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." ""Caterpillar in June, cold winter soon." That's what they said." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Well, amateurs, Jack." "Hillbilly folklore, that's all it is." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "You should write your own almanac, Mr. Richards." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Something people could believe in." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Maybe one day I will, Jack." "Maybe one day I will." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Enjoy your breakfast." "Good morning." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Wendy, how are you?" "Just fine." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Yeah." "How's the cold?" "Oh, it's just allergies, I think." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Really?" "Oh, not allergic to me, are you?" "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "No." "I don't think so." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "You're so bad." "Guilty as charged." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "I'll be right back with your cantaloupe and egg whites." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Okay." "You pick me a ripe one." "Excuse me, Mr. Richards." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "I'm sorry to bother you, but can I get a picture?" "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Well, sure." "It's my son's birthday," "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "And he saw you walk in." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "What's your name, skipper?" "Sam." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Sam." "Well, you're a big fella, samarino." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "How old are you today?" "Twenty-seven?" "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "I'm five." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Five?" "Well, how's the wife?" "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "All right." "Happy Birthday." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Thanks for coming by." "All right." "Thank you." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Oh, you gotta love it." "Wow." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "You're Russ Richards, aren't you?" "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Last time I checked." "Well, hello!" "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Hi." "Here." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Let me guess." "Mmm." "It's a resume of some sort," "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "And you're looking for a job in broadcasting." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "Yeah, just read it." "Asshole." "Jack, how are ya?" "Good morning, Mr. Richards." "You are Mr. lucky today." "I found you the ripest melon in Harrisburg." "You are Mr. lucky today." "¶ Christmas don't be late ¶¶ fuck!" "You are Mr. lucky today." "Live from Harrisburg and news center six." "You are Mr. lucky today." "Covering Harrisburg, York, Lancaster and Lebanon, it's news at five with Dan shuff, Heidi zimmer..." "Covering Harrisburg, York, Lancaster and Lebanon, and Russ Richards with the weather." "Covering Harrisburg, York, Lancaster and Lebanon," "this is news at five." "Good evening." "A Perry county teacher is behind bars tonight..." "This is news at five." "For allegedly locking an unruly student in a broom closet." "This is news at five." "That story coming up." "This is news at five." "But first, let's check in with the weather center..." "This is news at five." "To see if these beautiful spring-like temperatures will continue." "This is news at five." "Russ?" "Yes, it's the middle of December, this is news at five." "And we still have more 60-degree weather heading our way." "This is news at five." "Now don't panic, folks." "You're not in the twilight zone." "This is news at five." "This is news at five." "Now, on the downside, if the weather gets any nicer, this is news at five." "My aunt Mildred could move back from ft." "Lauderdale." "This is news at five." "Just kidding." "A wonderful woman." "This is news at five." "Anyhoo, I'll be back with a complete forecast a little later." "This is news at five." "Take it, Dan." "This is news at five." "Thanks, Russ." "We'll check in with you later." "This is news at five." "And now the fourth." "Eleven." "And the fifth number, please." "Eleven." " Hi, Russ." " Thirty." "Eleven." "Hey, dottie." "How are you?" "Eleven." "Oh, still struggling with the diet." "Oh, yeah?" "Eleven." "Don't get too thin." "It's not good for you." "Eleven." "Eight." "Eleven." "And there you have it." "Tonight's Pennsylvania lottery number: 19, 47," "And there you have it." "3, 11, 30, 8." "And there you have it." "If you have it, come and get it." "And there you have it." "If not, better luck next time." "Back to you, Dan." "And there you have it." "We gonna talk about this?" "There's nothing to talk about, cochise." "And there you have it." "I told you no more loans." "Penn fed's down the street." "This is not..." "And there you have it." "This is not..." "And there you have it." "This is not a loan, this is an advance." "Stop acting like it's coming out of your pocket." "And there you have it." "If you didn't piss your money away, you wouldn't need an advance." "And there you have it." "Now what is it this week..." "racquetball courts?" "Peewee golf?" "And there you have it." "Snowmobiles." "You know it." "I told you that." "And there you have it." "Jesus Christ." "It's exhausting with you." "And there you have it." "Snowmobiles." "How's business?" "And there you have it." "When this heat wave ends, I'm golden." "And there you have it." "Well, you're the weatherman." "End it." "And there you have it." "Where the hell is he?" "Crystal!" "And there you have it." "How many times do I have to tell those guys about the cables?" "And there you have it." "I almost broke my fucking neck on live television!" "And there you have it." "Yeah." "And there you have it." "Oh, sorry." "I didn't realize you were in the middle of a meeting." "And there you have it." "No, it's okay." "It's okay." "Calm down." "And there you have it." "Calm down." "You know..." "And there you have it." "Come with me." "I have to leave, of course." "And there you have it." "I talked to them about this thing." "It's never gonna happen again." "And there you have it." "All right?" "Just relax." "It's not gonna happen again." "And there you have it." "Hi, boss." "Hello." "How you doing, Bobby?" "And there you have it." "I can't do the olive garden tonight." "And there you have it." "My wife invited a few people over." "And there you have it." "I've gotta eat at home." "That's just great, dick." "And there you have it." "No, you know what?" "I am tired of this bullshit." "And there you have it." "Hey, hey, hey." "Easy." "Come on." "And there you have it." "Remember, we got that affiliates thing coming up." "And there you have it." "Uh-huh." "Six days in Hawaii." "And there you have it." "Mm-hmm." "Eating like pigs." "And there you have it." "Christ, you got some body on you." "And there you have it." "Tell me something I don't know." "And there you have it." "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "Unless you want to torture me about the fucking weather chopper." "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "Like that was a bad idea." "Weather chopper?" "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "Come on, I'm a weatherman." "You know what the truth is?" "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "I feel bad for you, dick." "I do." "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "Because one day you're gonna wake up, and you're gonna realize..." "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "That you had a diamond in the palm of your hand and you let it slip away." "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "To where, Atlantic city?" "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "Oh, that's what this is about." "To be a big game show host." "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "That's right." "I hear everything." "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "I'm like a satellite in outer space." "Did you get your audition?" "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "My agent is all over it." "Right." "Do we have anything else to talk about?" "I think we're through here." "Mace kornberg, please." "Yes, this is Russ Richards." "Mm-hmm." "Mace kornberg, please." "You know, this is getting a little ridiculous." "I've already left, like, five messages." "You know, this is getting a little ridiculous." "All right, your boss, mace kornberg, saw me on TV, okay?" "You know, this is getting a little ridiculous." "He loved me, okay?" "He wants to represent me." "You know, this is getting a little ridiculous." "We... we sat at my personal booth at Denny's..." "You know, this is getting a little ridiculous." "For over an hour, and I told him all about myself." "You know, this is getting a little ridiculous." "And now for some reason, he's not returning my phone calls." "You know, this is getting a little ridiculous." "Well, what part of that was too long?" "Well, just... just tell him that Russ Richards called, okay?" "Thank you." "Well, what part of that was too long?" "What's happening?" "Still not there?" "Nah, but, you know, the whole agency is out for the week." "A retreat or something." "What's a retreat?" "Oh, I'm not sure, but I think it's a religious thing." "Hey, I got some great news for you." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah, remember I told you about my brother's car, the one that was in a wreck?" "For the sake of expediency, I am going to say yes." "Well, he's finally ready to sell it." "It's all pounded out, repainted, and ready to go." "Beautiful lime-green finish." "Looks just like a popsicle." "Now, Larry, is there some reason that I should know this?" "Well, just if you decide the jag is too much of an extravagance, you know." "I'm not selling the jag." "I'd sell my body parts to South America before I'd sell that jag." "Okay." "You're the boss." "Yeah, I am the boss." "And here's another news flash for you." "I'm not losing the house either." "You know what you laymen fail to realize?" "It's not about the snowmobiles." "Come on." "It's about the weather, okay?" "One cold front, a little moist air, and bam!" "Yeah, I'm rockefeller." "I'm on Broadway." "I'm doing the cha-cha-cha." "Yeah!" "Oh, God!" "Oh, whip me forever!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Boy, whew!" "That is always such a treat." "Oh, with dick, it's like having sex with a sloth." "Boy, whew!" "That is always such a treat." "Don't put that image in my head." "Boy, whew!" "That is always such a treat." "Here." "Try this just one time." "No." "Yeah, it'll help you relax." "Here." "Try this just one time." "No!" "I don't even want a contact high." "It makes me nauseous." "Here." "Try this just one time." "You shouldn't even be smoking it." "You're the lotto girl." "Here." "Try this just one time." "You practically work for the state." "Put it out." "Here." "Try this just one time." "Okay, I'm putting it out." "Here." "Try this just one time." "I have a question to ask you." "Yeah?" "Here." "Try this just one time." "If you had an agent, and you tried to get him for two weeks, here." "Try this just one time." "You tried eight times and he didn't return your call, what would you think?" "Here." "Try this just one time." "Um... huh?" "Here." "Try this just one time." "I can't relate." "I've never had a guy not call me back." "Here." "Try this just one time." "Oh!" "I just don't get it." "Here." "Try this just one time." "When I met..." "I met this guy, he was... he was gushing." "Here." "Try this just one time." "He wanted to do this for me, he wanted to do that." "Here." "Try this just one time." "I've had my ass kissed, but this was really special." "Here." "Try this just one time." "So, he is officially your agent, right?" "It's not like you just had that one meeting." "Here." "Try this just one time." "It's splitting hairs here, you know." "Here." "Try this just one time." "I mean, it was clear he wanted to sign me." "Here." "Try this just one time." "You know what he said to me?" "Here." "Try this just one time." "He said that I delivered the weather forecast with a shakespearean flair." "Here." "Try this just one time." "Was he drunk?" "Here." "Try this just one time." "No, he wasn't drunk." "What's wrong with you?" "Here." "Try this just one time." "Look." "If the guy's not returning your calls, then fire his ass." "Here." "Try this just one time." "Just hire someone else." "What's the biggie?" "Here." "Try this just one time." "Do you know who mace kornberg is?" "Uh-uh." "Here." "Try this just one time." "Do you have any idea of the pedigree of this man?" "No." "Here." "Try this just one time." "Here's a little primer for you." "Here." "Try this just one time." "He only handled gene rayburn at the height of the match game." "Here." "Try this just one time." "That's all." "Here." "Try this just one time." "Wow." "All right, so he is kind of a big shot." "Here." "Try this just one time." "Yeah, congratulations." "You just won the cutlass." "Here." "Try this just one time." "I wouldn't be caught dead driving a cutlass, thank you." "I'll trade it in." "Here." "Try this just one time." "Well, how about door number two?" "Here." "Try this just one time." "Old reliable." "Here." "Try this just one time." "Wait." "Here." "Try this just one time." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "What is it that makes you successful..." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "And all the others knocking on the doors not so successful?" "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "Well, I'm not so sure." "You know, as I travel around the country, you're in a very small, select group of guys." "I see on television, I see guys that would make good game show hosts." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "But I don't tell them." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "No." "I think, to me, the analogy is a game show host is the icing on the cake, you're in a very small, select group of guys." "But the format is the cake." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "Yeah, format is the cake." "To me, dick Clark, you're in a very small, select group of guys." "For all the things he does, is an outstanding game show host." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "He stays out of the way." "He lets the format work." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's your host, Russ Richards!" "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's your host, Russ Richards!" "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "So, Russ, it sounds like we can keep those scarves and mittens..." "In mothballs a while longer then." "That's what it sounds like, Dan." "And the sleds and snowmobiles can stay in the garage." "That is correct, Heidi." "I think we all get the point." "Thanks, Russ." "We'll check in with you later." "Hello." "You have one message." "Hello." "You have one message." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "This is Sandy from the gabler-kornberg agency." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "I'm sorry no one got back to you sooner, but we were away on a retreat." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "Apology accepted, Sandy." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "Anyway, I just wanted to let you know..." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "That Mr. kornberg is dead." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "He passed away around eight months ago." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "Oh!" "I'm sure had he not, he would've returned your call." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "Oh, jeez!" "For what it's worth, he went quickly." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "Yeah." "Yep." "Bye-bye." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "That was your last message." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "Yep, that was my last message." "Uh, yes." "This message is for rob Richards." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "You don't do coke." "You're not a pussy hound." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Well, what the fuck did you blow your money on?" "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "It just... it just went, okay?" "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Does it matter?" "What was that?" "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "That's Carla, the human Cannon." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Oh, she's good." "She's Dutch." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Russ, we go way back." "Right." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "And I like you." "I do." "I'm a fan." "But 25 grand." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "I just don't think I can lay my hands on that kind of money." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Oh." "Especially now." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "I'm going through a very messy divorce." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "I'm sure you understand." "Sure." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "I do now." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Okay." "Take care, gig." "Thanks a lot." "Take care." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Hypothetically speaking though, it's not like you're a man without options." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "What do you mean?" "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Well, you do have options." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "What are they?" "Come." "Speak up." "Hello?" "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Take your glasses off." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Well, what is that?" "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Russ, I assume you have insurance on your dealership." "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Yeah, so?" "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Don't you think now would be the appropriate time to, you know," "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Make a few claims on, you know, some of those premiums?" "Russ, let me get this straight." "You don't drink." "Oh, God." "Oh, jeez!" "Are you talking about arson?" "Oh, God." "Oh, jeez!" "The last thing you want to get involved with, mate, is arson." "Oh, God." "Oh, jeez!" "Well, that's right." "Yes, of course not." "Oh, God." "Oh, jeez!" "No, the way to beat an insurance company these days is with a phony robbery." "Oh, God." "Oh, jeez!" "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "Oh, jeez!" "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "First of..." "look." "If I weren't, okay, the President of the rotary, you are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "The vice president of the sunshiny day club..." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "And I'm a big brother, gig." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Russ, it's your money." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "The insurance company is earning interest off it." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "I mean, the whole "man of the people," nice guy thing, you are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "It's very quaint, but don't you think it's time to put a cap on it, hmm?" "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Well, how would it work?" "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "You know, like, you know, hypothetically speaking." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "How would, you know, how would it go down?" "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Well, it's nothing." "No?" "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "If I were to put it in medical terms..." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Where you would equate brain surgery with a bank robbery, you are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "This would be like a visit to the podiatrist." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Hmm." "And it just so happens..." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "I have an acquaintance named Dale who is a specialist in this sort of thing." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "It's a very simple procedure, Russ." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "The whole thing would take..." "40 minutes." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Forty?" "Wow." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Forty minutes, tops." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Dale arrives at your dealership on a prearranged night with his crew." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "¶ It's so easy to blow up your problems ¶¶ you are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Finds his way inside." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Leaves the telltale signs of a break-in..." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "And gains entrance." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "Then it's just a simple matter of getting the sleds out the back door." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "I mean, the actual extraction process is the easiest bit." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "And, uh, that's that." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "All that's left is between you and your insurance company." "You are veering in that direction." "That makes me very uncomfortable, gig." "End of story." "Easy as pie." "I, of course, would command you know, the standard 20% consultation fee." "End of story." "Easy as pie." "I figured that." "You know, it's up to you, Russ." "End of story." "Easy as pie." "I mean, only you know if you're ready for something like this." "End of story." "Easy as pie." "That visit to the podiatrist." "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "An ingrown toenail, at the very most." "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "Funny." "Okay." "Okay." "Well, make the call then." "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "Good choice." "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "¶ I was in the right place but it must have been the wrong time ¶ well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "¶ I was saying the right things but I must have used the wrong line ¶ well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "¶ I was on the right trip ¶ all right." "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "Let's do this cocksucker." "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "All right." "Let's do it." "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "¶ I've been runnin', tryin' to get hung up in my mind ¶ well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "This is so cool." "You can just come in here anytime you want." "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "Yeah, I got the keys, don't I?" "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "All right." "This one's for Charlie hustle, okay?" "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "The pricks wanna keep him out of cooperstown?" "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "¶ I was in the wrong place but it must have been the right time ¶ well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "Home run." "¶ I was in the right place ¶ well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "It's happening right this second." "Send a squad car now!" "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "¶ I was in the right world but it seemed like a wrong wrong, wrong, wrong ¶¶ well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "Come on." "Move it!" "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "Let me just ask you one question, your honor." "Where's my bat?" "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "Don't worry about your bat, asshole." "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "Well, it's like removing a bunion or something." "Yeah?" "I'm gonna break your fuckin' face, man." "What?" "You better have a bag of money down here..." "The split fuckin' second they set bail, or I'm going to tell them who hired me." "Who is this?" "I also want an extra ten grand for pain and suffering." "Are we clear, weatherman?" "No, we're not clear." "We're the furthest thing from clear." "I don't even know who you are." "Look." "A second ago I was asleep." "And two seconds ago, I was in a blueberry field with my mother," "And we were getting along really well." "Save that bullshit for your psychiatrist." "I want my ten grand." "Stop it!" "Stop saying that!" "I don't have ten grand to give you." "Oh, no?" "You'd better sell something or kill someone." "I don't care!" "You just get me my fucking money!" "What..." "Okay, Russ." "It's gonna be a better day." "Russ Richards!" "Hi!" "How are you?" "Okay, Russ." "It's gonna be a better day." "Merry Christmas." "Okay, Russ." "It's gonna be a better day." "Okay." "Mmm." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Problem." "What?" "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Dale the thug's getting a bit pissy about his ten grand." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Dale the thug?" "Dale the thug?" "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "That's his nickname?" "When did that happen?" "Yeah." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Oh, that's childhood issues." "Trust me, you don't wanna know." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "He was fine for a day or two, but now he's had time to stew, you see?" "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Good morning." "What can I get you?" "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Can I have coffee?" "But with whole milk." "Okay." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "And do you have those little apple pastries?" "Wendy." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "The apple pastries with the cinnamon swirls." "He's not staying." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "He's leaving, okay?" "Okay." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Okay." "All right." "Thanks for asking." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "I cannot be seen with you." "I am a public figure." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Russ, you don't return my calls." "I'm doing you the favor." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "And if there's a Dale the thug issue on the table, time tends to be of the essence." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Gig, I'm tapped out." "All the money I got for the jag, I barely covered his bail." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "I am not having this conversation here with you." "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Th-there's an omelette named after me, for God's sake!" "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "What's in it?" "You leave that alone!" "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "You leave and just go!" "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Really?" "Really." "I'll follow you." "Yes!" "Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love." "What are you doing here?" "Hmm." "Well, I'll... um, Russ, I'll just be outside then?" "Hmm." "Well, I'll... oh, God!" "Right?" "Hmm." "Well, I'll... let's go." "On top of everything else, hmm." "Well, I'll... they've impounded his baseball bat as evidence." "Hmm." "Well, I'll... he bought it at an auction." "Pete rose hit with it or some shit like that." "Hmm." "Well, I'll... he shouldn't have used it then." "Christ, even a plumber knows..." "Hmm." "Well, I'll... to take his ring off before he snakes the drain." "Hmm." "Well, I'll... well, you screwed up, he got pinched." "Hmm." "Well, I'll..." "I-I did not screw up!" "Hmm." "Well, I'll..." "I can't control the sexual appetite of my employee." "Hmm." "Well, I'll..." "I mean, either way, you're gonna have to pay for it." "Hmm." "Well, I'll... you know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Why don't you just set up an appointment at his convenience..." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "To come break my legs or kick me in the nuts, or whatever he does?" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Well, you know what?" "I very much doubt it'll be the latter." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "That's practically how he treats his friends." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "You know, Russ, I've been thinking about your situation, you know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "And it occurs to me that sometimes in life..." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "The greatest opportunities are sitting right under your nose." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "The only thing under my nose is this place mat with the presidents up to Carter." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Am I missing something?" "The lottery." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Oh, that is so stupid!" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "You think that my playing the lottery is going to solve all my problems?" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Not playing the lottery, winning the lottery." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "You got that lotto ball machine down at the station, right?" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "All I'm saying is a little razzle-dazzle, you're set for life." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Gig, I just came off a botched phony robbery." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Let me bask in that for a while before I start thinking about tampering..." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "With the fucking state lottery!" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "I'm not talking out of my ass here." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "I do have experience with this sort of thing." "Really." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Yeah." "About ten years ago, great." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Before I washed up on these golden shores, you know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "I rigged a bingo game in my local church hall." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Church hall, huh?" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Weighed down a few ping-pong balls, Bob's your Uncle!" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "I walked away with a fucking lawn mower." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Oh, a lawn mower." "Wow." "This is not war and peace, you know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Merely the concept of gravity." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "No, no, the concept of gravity..." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Is when you fall down and you break your head open." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Well, your glass is obviously half empty." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "No, gig, my glass is totally empty." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Watch it!" "Hate you!" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Calm down!" "Bastard!" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Calm down." "You're acting like a child." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "You're acting like a child." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Stop!" "Calm down, please." "You promised!" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "What do you want me to do?" "What's going on?" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Everything's fine." "Thank you." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "She told me she wanted to go." "What do you want me to say? "I'm sorry, you know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "I'm banging the lotto ball girl, and I promised her first."" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "I don't believe this 'cause I bought sandals in December for no reason!" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Well, I'll take you the next time." "In June, I have a conference in Seattle." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Take your wife to fucking Seattle, all right?" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "I wanted to go to Maui, you asshole!" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Oh, I'm an asshole." "Am I the same asshole..." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "That takes you out to dinner and buys you fancy European underwear?" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Try to get that from the weatherman, you know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Who I notice you've been awfully chatty with these days." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Blow me." "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "Is everything okay?" "Yes, everything's fine!" "You know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "¶ I'm dreamin' of a white ¶ you know, why don't you just do this?" "Take... just... just get it over with." "¶ Christmas ¶" "¶ just like the ones ¶" "¶ I used to know ¶" "¶ just like the ones ¶" "¶ where the treetops glisten ¶" "¶ and children listen ¶" "¶ where the treetops glisten ¶" "¶ to hear sleigh bells in the snow ¶" "¶ where the treetops glisten ¶" "¶ oh, I'm ¶" "¶ dreamin' of a white ¶¶" "¶ oh, I'm ¶" "I have to ask you something." "¶ Oh, I'm ¶ what?" "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "¶ Oh, I'm ¶" "I don't know how to ask you this." "¶ Oh, I'm ¶ just ask." "I wouldn't blame you if you said no." "¶ Oh, I'm ¶ as a matter of fact, I already expect you to say no." "¶ Oh, I'm ¶ but I need your help on something." "¶ Oh, I'm ¶" " We're gonna be millionaires!" " I can't believe this!" "¶ Oh, I'm ¶" "I have to admit, I thought it would be a slightly harder sell." "¶ Oh, I'm ¶" "all right, most important thing..." "Is getting alone with that machine..." "All right, most important thing..." "Five minutes before and five minutes after the broadcast." "All right, most important thing..." "That's key." "Absolutely." "That's as key as it gets." "All right, most important thing..." "Five minutes before, five minutes after." "Did you hear that, crystal?" "All right, most important thing..." "I'm two inches away." "How could I not hear it?" "All right, most important thing..." "You better start taking notes, 'cause when gig and I start hashing it out, all right, most important thing..." "There's gonna be lot of gold flying around here, and I don't want to miss any of it." "All right, most important thing..." "Okay?" "N-now the first piece of gold is this." "Yeah." "All right, most important thing..." "I think someone should call in a bomb scare." "All right, most important thing..." "Then the building gets evacuated, and I'm alone with the lotto balls." "All right, most important thing..." "Okay?" "Are you writing this down?" "All right, most important thing..." "When we decide, I will write it down." "It's good, right?" "All right, most important thing..." "Russ, um, forgive me." "Just a second." "All right, most important thing..." "You call in a bomb scare, they evacuate the building, mm-hmm." "All right, most important thing..." "And shut down the broadcast." "All right, most important thing..." "Right, and then the firemen will come..." "All right, most important thing..." "And then the policemen will come, so kind of a lame idea, you know?" "All right, most important thing..." "All right." "Jeez." "It's just an idea." "All right, most important thing..." "It's a work in progress, for God's sake." "All right, most important thing..." "Even a painter's got to take the brushes and clean 'em." "All right, most important thing..." "Whatever that means." "All right, most important thing..." "You have any better ideas, miss smarty-pants?" "All right, most important thing..." "Why can't I just distract Bobby somehow, the security guy?" "All right, most important thing..." "And then you switch the balls." "All right, most important thing..." "No, uh, lame." "That's lame." "What?" "All right, most important thing..." "No, that's brilliant." "All right, most important thing..." "Yeah?" "No, really, it's so simple, all right, most important thing..." "It's brilliant." "All right, most important thing..." "In its simplicity, Russ." "Simplicity." "That's... all right, most important thing..." "And movin' on." "Okay, movin' on." "All right, most important thing..." "Movin' on, I guess." "All right, most important thing..." "Okay, next most important thing, right?" "All right, most important thing..." "Uh-huh." "All right, most important thing..." "We need to find your beard?" "What the hell's a "beard"?" "We need to find your beard?" "You need someone to buy the ticket and claim the winnings." "We need to find your beard?" "But it has to be someone that you absolutely trust." "We need to find your beard?" "One beard." "Check." "Time out, folks!" "We need to find your beard?" "There's not a person I would trust to do this thing." "We need to find your beard?" "Not a single person." "We need to find your beard?" "Ah!" "Oh, God!" "Oh, God." "Okay." "All right." "We need to find your beard?" "I buy the ticket in disguise." "We need to find your beard?" "Okay?" "And this eliminates all the outsiders." "We need to find your beard?" "That's the answer." "That's it." "Okay?" "We need to find your beard?" "Yeah, yeah." "Now we're cooking with gas, huh?" "We need to find your beard?" "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "What, as Charlie chaplin?" "As the tramp or something?" "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "Yeah, or no, like, from the wizard of oz." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "The straw guy." "The straw man." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "Yeah, he could put hay in his clothes and wear a hat." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "With a pom-pom on it?" "With a..." "no one will know it's him." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "Ooh, it's clever." "Nobody would ever know!" "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "No!" "Russ." "It's the scarecrow from the wizard of oz." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "Oh, okay." "It's Dorothy, I-it's the cowardly lion," "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "It's the tin man, it's the dog, it's the flying monkeys..." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "And it's the scarecrow." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "If you're gonna make fun of me, get your facts straight." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "Well, my apologies, sir." "I am not the, uh, cartoon aficionada that you are." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "It's not a cartoon, crystal." "So what?" "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "It's a movie." "Who gives a shit?" "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "Children... excuse me." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "It's a movie!" "For God's sake." "Calm down." "Calm down." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "Calm... calm down." "Sorry." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "Please?" "All right." "Okay." "Back to square one." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "Let's go." "I mean, how would you disguise yourself?" "Hey, I know." "My cousin Walter could do it." "Who?" "From Ohio." "He would be the perfect beard." "He's this totally straight guy." "Who?" "From Ohio." "He doesn't even drink, and besides, he has a crush on me." "Who?" "From Ohio." "¶ The minute you walked in the joint ¶ who?" "From Ohio." "¶ I could see you were a man of distinction ¶ who?" "From Ohio." "¶ A real big spender ¶ who?" "From Ohio." "¶ Good-lookin', so refined ¶ oh." "Walter." "Who?" "From Ohio." "¶ Say wouldn't you like to know what's goin' on in my mind ¶ you look great." "Who?" "From Ohio." "I got you these balloons." "We should go." "Thank you." "Who?" "From Ohio." "¶ So let me get right to the point ¶ who?" "From Ohio." "I got you a room at a lovely country inn." "Who?" "From Ohio." "¶ I don't pop my cork for every guy I see ¶ who?" "From Ohio." "¶ Hey, big spender ¶" "¶ spend a little time with me ¶¶" " oh." "It's so green and lush." " Oh!" "Look at this room." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "Oh, this is so great." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ look at this TV, a closet." "God, look at the painting" "¶ spend a little time with me ¶¶ with the three mile island thing." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ oh, and this clock with a little light." "It's so... it's so modern-day." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" " Oh, shower curtain." " Oh, Walter, look at this." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ all-you-can-eat buffet." "Oh." "Right up the block!" "Oh." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "And towels." "They're all prepared for you." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ how comfy." "What do you think?" "Yeah, what do you think?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "Mold spores." "What?" "Huh?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ this room has a high content of mold spores." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ my throat's closin' up." "Oh, jeez." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "Oh." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ are you... are you all right, Walter?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ mm." "Tsk." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ oh, jeez." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ all clear." "All right!" "Hey, thank God" "¶ spend a little time with me ¶¶ for modern medicine." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ yeah." "Hey, Walter, test the bed." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ it's a combination of the heat and moisture." "That's what does it." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "Is it always this sticky in Harrisburg in the winter?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ well, you know, it's..." "it's a fluke, of course," "¶ spend a little time with me ¶¶ but it's not entirely uncommon, no." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ uh-uh." "W-why's that?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ well, okay, well, historically weather has been you know, unpredictable." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ yeah, well, w-why's that?" "Why?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "Well... well, okay, you got... ¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ your, uh... you got your cold fronts and you got... ¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ your warm fronts, and then you're talkin', uh, barometric pressure." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ well, without my gauges, I-I..." "I love hotels." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "Walter?" "Walter?" "Hey!" "Walter." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ yeah?" "Are you clear on what we're doin' here?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ how long will it be be-before I get my money?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ oh, well... oh." "Yeah, no." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ um, it's real simple, honey." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ when we get our first payment, you just take your 20,000" "¶ spend a little time with me ¶¶ right away." "Right." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ that's yours." "Right." "Tax-free." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "We want you to be happy, Walter." "Oh." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ well, I could..." "I could really use the money," "¶ spend a little time with me ¶¶ 'cause m-m-my church needs a new furnace." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ oh, well, that is so refreshing." "Yeah." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ and I'm gonna use the rest to open an adult bookstore." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ ah." "Well, okay." "Well, that's good." "That's good too." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ yeah." "Do you masturbate, Russ?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "Jeez." "I've been so busy lately, I barely Polish my shoes." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ 'cause I masturbate all the time." "Oh, yeah?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ yeah." "Some people think it's a sin," "¶ spend a little time with me ¶¶ but I think God gave us the ability to masturbate to protect us from sin." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ oh." "Oh, okay." "Yeah." "I could..." "I could see that." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ sure." "Why not?" "I like sex." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ there's a lot of sex in the Bible." "Mm-hmm." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "I'm sure there's a Bible here somewhere." "Yeah." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ yeah, sure." "S-so, we... ¶ spend a little time with me ¶¶ we're a team, right?" "Yeah, yeah, a team!" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ yeah?" ":" "Team." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶" "Ooh." "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ yeah?" "Yeah?" "¶ Spend a little time with me ¶¶ oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Please, let me finish." "Okay, 16." "I wanna pick one." "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Sixteen, okay?" "That's how old I was when I first got laid." "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Really?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Twenty-five." "Okay, twenty-five." "My mother's birthday." "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "January 25, 1912." "All right." "No, no." "This... oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "No, the 25th was my anniversary, oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "And I got divorced, and I got screwed in that." "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "I didn't get a good settlement." "Seventy." "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "I had a '70 Camaro, and I got in that bad car accident and got a huge settlement." "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Oh, yeah." "Famous whiplash." "Okay." "Remember?" "That's right." "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Um, I got some randomly selected numbers, okay?" "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "These are like completely random." "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Okay?" "Flick it like that." "Make sure air gets... oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Twenty-two, seventy." "Oh, I've got one." "Let me pick." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "You know, weigh 'em down." "Sixteen." "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "Then we put a little glue over the hole." "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." " Nine." " Isn't this fun?" "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." " Twenty-seven." " It's like summer camp." "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "It's like arts and crafts." "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "Seven." "The six we don't inject." "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "Those are gonna rise to the top." "It'smybirthday." "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "Get it?" "Okay." "Those are the winning numbers." "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "This is the concept of gravity." "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "Sweet, simple concept of gravity." "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "Here we go." "Go." "Ready?" "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "Yeah!" "Whoo!" "Oh, my God!" "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "That's brilliant." "That is brilliant!" "All right." "Go." "Puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "¶ And she wasn't gonna sit around and wait ¶ puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "¶ This guy was wise to all of the lies ¶ puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "¶ And he flies out the door ¶ puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "¶ Easy money ¶¶ puncture." "Then you inject a little paint into the ball." "Will these warm temperatures continue?" "This is Russ Richards." "Catch me tonight in the weather center and find out." "Will these warm temperatures continue?" "This is Russ Richards." "Right here on channel 6, wtpa." "Will these warm temperatures continue?" "This is Russ Richards." "Okay." "Ready." "Yeah, hold on a second." "You hear that?" "Okay." "Ready." "I have been watching your show... okay." "Ready." "Okay." "Ready." "Enough about me." "I don't know why." "But I'm fine." "I just don't know... make way." "Give her space." "Bobby!" "Oh, Bobby!" "I don't know why." "But I'm fine." "I just don't know... thank God." "Yeah." "Crystal, you all right?" "I don't know why." "But I'm fine." "I just don't know... but I don't know what happened with the car." "Come on." "Give her space." "I don't know why." "But I'm fine." "I just don't know... and I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Yeah." "Lucky you didn't hit your head." "And I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Well, who knows?" "Maybe I did." "I don't know." "And I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Maybe you should see a lawyer." "And I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Yeah, that's a good idea." "I know a lawyer." "And I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Do you?" "That's great, Bobby." "Thanks." "And I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Let me know if you want his name!" "And I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Tonight's jackpot is $6.4 million!" "And I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Our machine contains 80 balls, and we'll draw 6 balls from the machine." "And I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Drawing tonight will be channel 6's lottery girl, crystal latroy." "And I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Now, let's start the machine, please." "And I just had the car checked." "Oh, that's crazy." "Now, crystal, draw the first number." "Seventy!" "And the second." "Twenty-two!" "And the third." "Twenty-two!" "Seven!" "And now the fourth." "Seven!" "Sixteen!" "And the fifth number, please." "Nine!" "And the sixth!" "Twenty-seven." "Nine!" "Twenty-seven!" "And there you have it." "Twenty-seven!" "Tonight's Pennsylvania lottery 70, twenty-seven!" "22, 7, 16, twenty-seven!" "9, 27." "Twenty-seven!" "If you have it, come and get it." "Twenty-seven!" "Good girl." "If not, better luck next time." "Twenty-seven!" "Back to you, Dan!" "Twenty-seven!" "That about wraps it up for this edition of news at five." "Twenty-seven!" "Enjoy the rest of your evening." "We'll see you back here tomorrow night." "Twenty-seven!" "You can see all the Pennsylvania lottery drawings right here..." "Twenty-seven!" "On wtpa, channel 6." "Twenty-seven!" "Oh!" "My head!" "Crystal!" "I got you." "Oh!" "My head!" "I got you." "Come on, come on." "Oh!" "Thanks, Bobby." "Good." "Oh!" "My head!" "No, let's... please, this way." "No, this way's better." "Oh!" "My head!" "No." "This way!" "All right." "Oh!" "My head!" "Oh, I'm not making any sense." "Okay." "Nice and easy." "Oh!" "My head!" "I-I-I don't... oh!" "Nice..." "I got you." "I got you." "Oh!" "My head!" "You feelin' better now?" "Ugh." "I don't know." "Yeah." "You feelin' better now?" "Ugh." "Uh-huh." "Thanks." "I really do." "You feelin' better now?" "Ugh." "Oh." "Oh!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Oh." "Oh." "Oh!" "God!" "Stop it!" "Oh." "Oh!" "Stay in!" "Come on!" "Oh." "Oh!" "Get in!" "Oh." "Oh!" "Stay in, little mothers." "Oh, shit." "Oh." "Oh!" "Okay, okay, okay." "Oh." "Oh!" "Okay." " Hey!" " :" "Oh, Bobby, okay." "You scared me." "Okay." "Are you sure you should be drivin'?" "Okay." "Why don't you let me give you a ride home?" "Okay." "No, I'm fine." "I'm fine now." "Okay." "Yeah." "I had a three musketeers." "Okay." "Okay, then." "Get some sleep." "Okay." "All right." "Thanks, sweetie." "Are you sure you don't want me to drive you home?" "Okay." "No!" "Okay." "Thank you, though." "You're sweet." "Okay." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Hey, Russ." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "I've been thinking about you." "Big news." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "No, I have." "First of all, this is for you." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Token of my appreciation for how hard you've been working." "Thanks." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "And let me tell you something else." "A lot of people have been talking about you." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "What people?" "Let's get another thing straight." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "No one is stealing you away from me, because you are... good afternoon, Lawrence." "What are you?" "Number one." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "That's right." "Wow, it's quite an honor." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "I don't know what to say." "Well, don't say anything." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "As our Jewish friends say, "enjoy."" "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Look, Russ, remember I told you about my cousin's stepdad?" "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "The one with the roadside fun park in Colorado, good afternoon, Lawrence." "In leadville?" "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Well, if you did, my brain immediately purged it." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Well, I gave him a call, and I told him about our situation, good afternoon, Lawrence." "And he said he'd buy our whole inventory in one fell swoop." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Really?" "Well, how much?" "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Okay, well, here's where we run into a small asterisk." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Thirty thousand?" "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Who is this guy, Jesse James!" "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "I oughta get in a Santa claus outfit and give 'em away." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "I just thought, you know, if the noose starts getting tighter." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." ""The noose"?" "Who am I talking to?" "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Is this Larry, the winner?" "Is this Larry number one?" "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Am I talking to the Larry that everybody's talking about?" "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Who's talking about me?" "Oh, hey." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Hey, hey, good." "Good idea." "Good afternoon, Lawrence." "Good morning, sweetie." "Hi." "Hi." "So, where is it?" "What?" "Good morning, sweetie." "Hi." "Hi." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Well, I have it." "Don't worry." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "I'm not worried." "May I see it, please?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Well, actually, the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "I might hold on to it for a while." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "What does that mean?" "Well, the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "First of all, how come I'm only getting $20,000?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "I mean, I'm taking all the risk, right?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Walter?" "And, you know, the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "I'm..." "I'm the one who's gotta cash it in." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "What if they find out this was rigged?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "No." "W-w-what if th-they... the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "It's like this is a setup or some kind of, like, you know, an ambush." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "I could get caught." "I could get in trouble." "That's not gonna happen." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "No." "Shh." "Sweetie, listen." "You're being really silly." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Okay?" "Now, we made a deal, and you agreed to it." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "So let's just move forward as planned, okay?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "No, why... why can't we split it three ways?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "The weatherman, you and me." "Who the fuck are you?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "I'm doin' all the work." "You're lucky to even get a little bit, which is a lot." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Well, can we..." "I'm family." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Go get the fucking ticket!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Now, give me the ticket, you jerk-off!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Get off me!" "You're a whore!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Stop it!" "Oh!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Do not fuck with me, you sick, masturbating retard!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Go ahead and rape me." "That's what you want!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Shut up!" "Where's the ticket?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "I'm not telling you, slut!" "I want that ticket now!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "I'm telling your parents!" "Stop it!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Are you ready for the song "bingo was his name-o"?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Yeah!" "All right." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ There was a farmer had a dog and bingo was his name-o ¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ B-I-n-g-o, b-I-n-g-o ¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Where is it?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "My... my... my... my..." "my puffer." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Your what?" "Stop it!" "What?" "Puffer!" "Puffer!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "My puffer!" "I can't breathe!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "I'll get it." "God." "Get it." "Thank you." "Thank you." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Is this what you want, your puffer?" "Where's the ticket?" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "I'm not telling you." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Fine!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "F-fuck y-you." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ These days are all ¶ Walt, look." "Happy days is on." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ Happy and free ¶ ¶ those happy days ¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ These days all ¶ ¶ share them with me ¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ Good-bye gray skies hello blue ¶ ¶ hello blue ¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ Feels so right it can't be wrong ¶ ¶ can't be wrong ¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ Rockin' and rollin' all week long ¶¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ The people on the bus go yap-yap-yap ¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ Yap-yap-yap yap-yap-yap ¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "¶ The people on the bus go yap-yap-yap ¶¶ the ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Laverne de fazio and Shirley feeney!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." " Casablanca." " Casablanca." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." " Shit!" " Okay." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Damn it!" "The ticket." "I'm dying to see it." "Come on." "Where is it?" "Oh!" "Goddamn it!" "Ugh." "I'm gonna puke." "Oh!" "I'm gonna puke." "Yes." "Yes!" "Yes, yes, yes!" "Yes!" "Hey, Walt, met your girlfriend." "Yes." "Yes!" "Yes, yes, yes!" "Yes!" "Cute." "Yes." "Yes!" "Yes, yes, yes!" "Yes!" "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "My cousin... had some kind of asthma attack." "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "He's not moving." "Okay." "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "I can't believe it." "I-I m in shock." "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "I thought he had one of those inhaler things." "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "His puffer?" "Yeah, I couldn't find it." "Yeah." "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "You couldn't find it?" "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "No, well, we couldn't find it at first." "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "And then when we did find it, it was all out of shit, out of juice." "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "Mist?" "Yeah, mist." "It was out of mist." "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "Know what his last words were?" "What?" "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." ""Crystal, my sweet angel, don't, don't." "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." ""Go into my wallet and take the ticket," "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "'Cause you and Russ deserve to have that money."" "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "Oh, God!" "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "Oh, fuck me." "No fried clams?" "Yes, I need an ambulance right away." "Crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "It's insensitive to... well, to bring up something at a time like this, crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "But I think we do have a little problem." "Crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "What?" "Crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "Well, with Walter gone, crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "We have no one to cash in the ticket." "Crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "I mean, God rest his soul and everything." "I wouldn't worry about that." "Crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "Why?" "I've got plenty of relatives." "Crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "In fact, I'll probably see a lot of them at Walter s funeral." "Crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "No." "You know, I wouldn't bring them into this." "Crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." " I mean, they've suffered enough." " There's Russ Richards!" "Crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "He's more handsome in person!" "Crystal?" "I know, baby." "Hmm." "You know, it's times like this you wonder." "You wonder if there's a higher being out there." "You know, it's times like this you wonder." "I mean, maybe it was just Walter s time on earth... all right!" "Key lime pie." "You know, it's times like this you wonder." "You know, it's times like this you wonder." "Hello, Jerry, mate." "How are you?" "Gig." "Wanna hear a cute story?" "I would love to hear a cute story." "Wanna hear a cute story?" "You know I got a grandson, six years old?" "That's a great age." "Yeah." "You know I got a grandson, six years old?" "He says to me the other day, he says, you know I got a grandson, six years old?" ""Pop-pop, when I grow up, you know I got a grandson, six years old?" "I wanna be a bookie and run a numbers racket just like you."" "You know I got a grandson, six years old?" "Ohhh." "You know I got a grandson, six years old?" "I know." "I melted." "You know I got a grandson, six years old?" "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop," ""when people play the numbers, and then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, what number do they try to win?"" "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, so I explain to him." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop," "I say, "sweetie, every week we bookies, and then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, we get the number from someplace our customers know we can't control."" "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, and he says, "like sesame street?" Lovely that, isn't it?" "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop," "It's amazing what these kids come up with, isn't it?" "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, it's amazing." "And I say, "no, no, no, no, not sesame street." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop," ""we get the number from the lottery drawing on television, and then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop," ""the last three digits of the real lotto, and then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop," ""because everyone knows no one..." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop," ""can rig the state lottery, and then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, which means no one can rig a bookie's number."" "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, that's right." "And he, he looks at me." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, you know, big long look with these big brown eyes, and he says, and then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop," ""and I bet no one can win either!"" "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, he's a genius." "Kid's a genius." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, after all, h-how often do I have to pay out?" "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, once, twice, three times a year." "If." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, if." "So, moving right along." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, next day, guess what." "I had 12 people hit the same number." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, no shit!" "Yeah." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, which even a six-year-old kid knows..." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, statistically it's impossible." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, out of the realm of possibility." "Can't happen." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop," "I don't know what to tell you, Jerry." "Here's the funny thing, though." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, when I looked at the people who picked, and then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, a pattern started to emerge." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, really?" "Yeah." "Your ex-wife." "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop," "And then he asks me, he says, "pop-pop, your ex-wife." "Your ex-wife's mother." "Her mother's sister." "Your dentist." "Your ex-wife." "Your ex-wife's mother." "Your cousin Vic." "Your ex-wife." "Your ex-wife's mother." "A few other stray crinkly leaves from the family tree." "Your ex-wife." "Your ex-wife's mother." "They all played variations on the same number." "Your ex-wife." "Your ex-wife's mother." "You know, Jerry." "Hmm." "If it wasn't for the fact that we are dear friends... you know, Jerry." "Hmm." "We are dear friends, right?" "Dear friends." "You know, Jerry." "Hmm." "I would suspect that you are accusing me of something." "You know, Jerry." "Hmm." "Of what?" "I mean, Jesus Christ himself can't rig the state lottery." "Of what?" "Thank you." "Unless... thank you." "Unless Jesus had a buddy down at the TV station." "Thank you." "Ahh." "Ahh." "Nah." "A real stumper, huh?" "Ahh." "Ahh." "Yeah, it's a fuckin' head scratcher, Jerry." "A fuckin' head scratcher." "Ahh." "Ahh." "Fuckin' head scratcher, mate." "Ahh." "Ahh." "You know, I got some pals down at the d.A.'S office." "Ahh." "Ahh." "Always looking for a good head scratcher." "Ahh." "Ahh." "Now, Jerry, you never told me you had a grandson." "I don't." "Hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "What you gonna do tonight, kippy?" "Gonna watch sportscenter." "Hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "You're gonna watch sportscenter, hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "And you're gonna see if winchell is still out with the knee thing." "Hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "And if he's still out with the knee thing, hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "We gotta change the spread on Detroit, right?" "Hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "Right." "So what are you gonna do?" "Hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "I'm gonna watch sportscenter." "Go home." "Watch it." "Good night." "Hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "Good night." "Hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "Beautiful." "Lovely." "Flat tire. ¶ Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear ¶ hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "Kippy?" "Kippy!" "¶ And it shows them pearly whites ¶ hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "This is just lovely." "¶ just a jackknife ¶ hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "¶ Has old macheath, babe ¶ just lovely." "Hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "¶ And he keeps it out of sight ¶ hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "Ah!" "¶ You know when that shark bite ¶ hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "¶ With his teeth babe ¶ hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "¶ Scarlet billows start to spread ¶ hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "¶ Fancy gloves, though wears old macheath, babe ¶ hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "¶ So there's never never a trace of red ¶ hello, Dale, love." "How are you?" "¶ Now on the sidewalk huh, huh ¶" "¶ ooh Sunday morning uh-huh ¶" "¶ now on the sidewalk huh, huh ¶" "¶ lies a body ¶" "¶ just oozin' life ¶" "¶ lies a body ¶" "¶ eek and someone's sneakin' ¶" "¶ lies a body ¶" "¶ 'tound the corner ¶" "¶ lies a body ¶" "¶ could that someone be mack the knife ¶¶" "¶ lies a body ¶" "nine!" "And the sixth." "Nine!" "Twenty-seven!" "Ooh, twenty-seven." "What the hell is she up to?" "You're not smart enough to pull a thing like this off." "Balls are just laying there." "Hey." "How are you?" "Hey!" "Hey." "Hey, you're that, uh..." "you're the, uh... hey." "Weatherman." "Oh, shit!" "Hey." "Hey, I watch you every night!" "Yeah?" "Thank you." "Hey." "Let me give you a hand." "No, it's okay." "Hey." "I insist!" "I can carry my own groceries, please." "Hey." "Wow, man!" "It must be great having a job like yours, no?" "Hey." "Well, it, uh, it pays the bills." "Hey." "Nah, you guys just read a bunch of crap from cue cards, right?" "Hey." "Cold in the east." "A storm on the right." "It looks like rain." "Hey." "Aah!" "It's a little more complicated than that." "Hey." "Let me ask you something." "I'm trying to plan my birthday in a couple of months." "Hey." "Can you tell me if it's going to be a nice day?" "It's gonna be grand." "Hey." "Oh, right, hey, nice meeting you." "Hey." "Always great to know a fan." "Your name was?" "Hey." "Dale." "Dale." "Hey." "Yeah." "The thug?" "Hey." "So, Russ, I just want to apologize about the last time we spoke." "Hey." "I wasn't really feeling good." "I was feeling sort of vulnerable." "Hey." "I had fear issues come up, being arrested and all." "That's okay." "Hey." "Oh, yeah." "Plus, I was drinking, hey." "Which I'm really not supposed to do, you know, on the medication." "Hey." "Oh, I see." "Can I have some of these?" "Hey." "Yeah, go ahead." "You know, it wasn't a good moment." "Hey." "I just wanted to make an amends." "Hey." "Hey, listen, don't you worry." "Hey." "The truth is, I should be apologizing to you." "Hey." "I was gonna call you about the $10,000, but the station got so busy." "Hey." "Don't worry about the ten grand, Russell." "Hey." "It's water under the bridge." "Really?" "Wow!" "Hey." "I didn't know that." "All right then." "Hey." "Okay, let's celebrate." "Hey." "Yeah, I wanna move forward hey." "Because the new number I have in mind is more like half a mil." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "Come here, Russ." "Hey." "I rather not." "Russ, come sit down." "Hey." "No, no." "Come on." "Sit the fuck down!" "Hey." "Okay." "Hey." "Unfortunately, Russell, we have a new wrinkle in the situation." "Hey." "Oh, really?" "What's the wrinkle?" "Hey." "Basically I had to play piñata with Jerry the bookie's skull." "Hey." "See, that ups the invoice a little." "Is he okay?" "Hey." "No, he's dead." "Oh!" "Oh, God." "Hey." "You know, okay." "Hey." "I'm really uncomfortable with this kind of conversation." "Hey." "You know, not to mention, hey." "I broke my 1986 world series commemorative bat." "Hey." "Oh, yeah?" "It was a birthday gift from my mother." "Hey." "She's gettin' a little old, and she's not feeling good these days." "Hey." "She hasn't left the house in six weeks." "Okay, just give me... hey." "You killed Jerry the bookie with a bat?" "Hey." "It's not like a half a mil is gonna hurt you, you crushed his skull?" "Hey." "With that lottery ticket of yours." "Hey." "Get me the money, Russ." "Ohh!" "Great, gig." "We gotta talk about this." "Get me the money, Russ." "Ohh!" "I'll fuckin' ball-bat you, you creep cocksucker." "Get me the money, Russ." "Ohh!" "Okay, okay." "Get me the money, Russ." "Ohh!" "Okay." "Get me the money, Russ." "Ohh!" "Mint listerine?" "Yeah." "When did they come out with this?" "I don't know." "Mint listerine?" "Yeah." "Is it good?" "Yeah, it's good." "Mint listerine?" "Yeah." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Big deal." "It's better than losing it all." "Better than being dead too." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Crystal, he hits people with commemorative bats!" "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "He's not gonna hit you with a bat." "He's your friend." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "What?" "Yeah." "You wanna see the leather jacket I got?" "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "He's not my friend." "I just met this guy." "How can he be my f... all right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Look... $900." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Made in Italy." "I'm not screwing around anymore, you know?" "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "If it wasn't on a boat, I don't want it." "Stop it, crystal." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "You have got to stop buying things from Italy." "You are not a millionaire." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "We... we are not millionaires." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "The first thing we gotta do is find a trustworthy, non-asthmatic person..." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "To cash in this ticket a.S.A.P., or we're dead." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Funny you should mention that." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "I think I have another candidate who'd be perfect." "Oh, yeah?" "Who?" "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "This guy that I was seeing for a while when I was waitressing at the racetrack." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "I think he still works there too." "A real sweet guy." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Bought me a really expensive parrot, too, from Brazil or something." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "My cat bit its head off." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "You hated that fucking bird, didn't you, sweetie?" "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "The racetrack, eh." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Well, actually, he's an unofficial employee." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "He injects horses with some kind of shit that makes them run faster." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Forget it." "Just cross him off the list." "Forget him." "Who else?" "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "There is scatter, the guy who installed my carpet." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Went to high school with him." "The man's name is scatter?" "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Yeah, well, he's a total coke freak, all right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Which could work in our favor because he usually needs money." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "No, junkies are problematic." "Let's keep thinkin'." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Mm-hmm." "All right, look, just give this Dale guy a little extra money." "Wanna have sex?" "Oh, yeah." "You know, I..." "I was just feeling good that day." "Yeah." "I, uh..." "I don't know what to say." "I'm at a loss, boy." "Yeah." "I, uh..." "I'm at a total loss." "Yeah." "I, uh..." "I mean, here you are, supposedly injured, all right?" "Yeah." "I, uh... you're collecting your full lieutenant's salary and full disability." "Yeah." "I, uh..." "I didn't even want to do this." "Matt had to talk me into it." "Yeah." "I, uh... you know how stupid I felt?" "Yeah." "I, uh... the lower back, it's an enigma." "Yeah." "I, uh... pat, I'm gonna be straight with you." "Yeah." "I, uh... obviously I have alternatives to pursue here, but I'm not gonna do it..." "Yeah." "I, uh... because... 'cause I don't want this getting out." "Yeah." "I, uh... all right?" "It makes everybody look bad." "Yeah." "I, uh... from now on, you are back on full patrol." "Yeah." "I, uh... here, get started with this." "Yeah." "I, uh... a missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "Jerry green." "No one's seen him for about a week." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "Huh." "Jeez." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "What happened to him?" "I don't know, pat." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "That's what you're supposed to find out." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "Right." "All right." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "We talked earlier about the fact there's a shortage of wading pools in the area." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "Dick?" "Judy said you wanted to see me." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "Oh, hey, sport." "Have a seat." "Be right with you." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "Is that Chuck rhodes?" "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "This guy kills me." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "I found crystal too." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "Oh, hiya, kid." "Judy, close the door." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "Okay." "Thanks." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "What's going on?" "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "A missing person's case?" "Yeah, a bookie." "So, Russ, how's the finances?" "What?" "What?" "The finances." "So, Russ, how's the finances?" "What?" "W... great." "Good." "So, Russ, how's the finances?" "What?" "Because you seemed to be in a bind a few weeks ago." "Well, that was then." "So, Russ, how's the finances?" "What?" "Terrific." "And how are you, honey?" "We haven't talked in a while." "So, Russ, how's the finances?" "What?" "Did you know may left me?" "Jeez, I'm so sorry about that." "So, Russ, how's the finances?" "What?" "Life's tough." "And how." "So, Russ, how's the finances?" "What?" "But you seem to be doing well." "I'm great." "So, Russ, how's the finances?" "What?" "Why wouldn't you be great, with a friend like Russ here?" "So, Russ, how's the finances?" "What?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Oh, boy." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "How 'bout that?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Don't say a word, not one." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "'Cause if I hear one bullshit comment like, "what are you talking about?"..." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "I'm gonna call the cops." "What?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Wh-what do you mean?" "It slipped out, dick." "We're listening." "Go ahead." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "I chewed on it for three days, yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "And I'm convinced I have enough evidence to fuck you both up big time." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Bullshit." "You don't have any evidence." "What is that?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Stop it." "Shut up." "You shut up." "You shut up." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Shut up!" "No." "That's bullshit." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Dick, you have the floor." "You have the floor." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Go ahead." "Short and sweet." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "I want half the money, yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Or I'll have you arrested, yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "And I might even do it on air, live." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Imagine the ratings." "I'd like to see you fucking try, asshole." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "You're gonna see me." "I'll kill you, I swear to God!" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "I'm gonna kill you!" "You treacherous little bitch!" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "You got one week to get your shit together." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." " Hey, you listening to me?" " I want the money." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay, let's do a little math." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "You want 20 percent, Dale wants half a million, God bless him." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Dick wants half of everything." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "I don't have a calculator, but it seems to me I'm suddenly in debt again!" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Dale's money comes out of your share." "He's your friend." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "He's not my friend." "He's his friend." "I hardly know the man." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Who cares?" "It's all fuckin' moot now." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "The only thing that's moot to me is the dick Simmons issue." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "You get a toothache, you pull the tooth." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "What does that mean?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Let's kill the son of a bitch." "Oh, God!" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Yes!" "No!" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Yes!" "One quick call to Dale, and we're back on track." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Absolutely!" "Let's do it." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "What is wrong with you?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "He threatened us." "Just remember that." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "It is extortion." "Does that mean he's gotta be dead?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "We're not giving him half our money." "What money?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "That worthless scrap of shit we have?" "Yeah, okay." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Maybe it's time for your friend, the drug-addicted carpet installer." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Oh, scatter." "Scatter!" "Yeah!" "Maybe he could help us." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "This is killing me." "I have slept five hours this whole week." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Oh, God, here we go." "I have dandruff with flakes this big." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "I've gained two pounds!" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Listen to my voice." "I'm losing my instrument." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Shouting isn't helping." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Gig?" "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "There's a couple of cops in the club asking for you." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "I'll be right in." "Oh, great!" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Now there's cops in the club." "I've always wanted to give an inmate fame." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "They kill the celebrities first and then they fuck 'em in the butt." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Will you just relax, please?" "There are cops always in this club." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "They're probably arranging an engagement party." "Yeah, right." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Just hold on a tick." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "¶ Toe to toe ¶ yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "¶ Dancing very close ¶ yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." " ¶ Body breathing ¶¶" " Good evening, officers." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "What can I do for you?" "Are you the owner?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Yes, I am." "Gig." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Gig, do you know a guy by the name of Jerry green?" "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "He apparently is known to come in here." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Yeah, Jerry the bookie." "Comes in here all the time." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Has he been in here lately, because, I mean, yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Nobody's seen this guy around for a while." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Ah..." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "About a week ago, I think." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "Huh." "Yeah." "Look at that, huh?" "Oh, jeez." "¶ Back to back ¶" "¶ sacroiliac ¶" "¶ back to back ¶" "¶ spineless movement ¶" "¶ and a wild attack ¶¶ excuse me, you wanna get back to this?" "¶ Spineless movement ¶ maybe ask another question or two?" "Yeah, yeah." "¶ Spineless movement ¶ where... do you find girls like that?" "¶ Spineless movement ¶" "I mean, who'd do that kind of stuff." "¶ Spineless movement ¶ well, you know, it's remarkably easy." "¶ Spineless movement ¶ you'd be surprised." "¶ Spineless movement ¶ these two, I believe, we imported from upstate New York." "¶ Spineless movement ¶" "I was gonna say, they seem like..." "Albany girls." "¶ Spineless movement ¶ uh, so, anyway, we just wanted to drop by..." "And find out if you've seen this guy." "Uh, so, anyway, we just wanted to drop by..." "Well, I'll let you know." "Uh, so, anyway, we just wanted to drop by..." "Although, with Jerry, he could be shacked up anywhere." "Uh, so, anyway, we just wanted to drop by..." "He's a bookie, for Christ s sake." "Uh, so, anyway, we just wanted to drop by..." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "See, Mr. crazy man?" "Thank God!" "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "They were checking on Jerry." "A missing person's thing." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "They asked about Jerry?" "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "It was just routine." "Not routine." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "It's called a murder investigation." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "No, trust me." "Dale took care of everything." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "They'll find a cure for cancer before they find Jerry." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "Live from Harrisburg and news center six." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "Covering Harrisburg, New York, Lancaster and Lebanon, it was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "It's news at five with Dan shuff, Heidi zimmer..." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "And Russ Richards with the weather." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "This is news at five." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "Our top story tonight:" "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "The body of a local bookmaker was found floating in the susquehanna river today." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "Police say it was definitely foul play and are following leads." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "More on that story in a moment." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "First, let's check in with the weather center..." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "To see if we can expect more of these springlike temperatures." "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "Russ?" "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "Russ?" "It was nothing." "Nothing." "The word "lotto" never even came up." "Oh, yeah?" "How about these springlike temperatures?" "What?" "Oh, yeah?" "The uncommonly warm weather..." "will it continue?" "Oh, yeah?" "Russ?" "Russ?" "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "Thanks, Russ." "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "Well, it seems like we can keep those thermal socks in the cedar closet..." "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "For the time being then." "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "That's right, Dan." "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "Police are calling it..." "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "The crudest attempt to dispose of a body in recent memory." "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "Jerry green of linglestown..." "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "Was apparently bludgeoned to death..." "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "And then dropped into the river with a small brick taped to one wrist." "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "Police say this was insufficient weight to keep the corpse submerged." "Uh, um, wh-what was that question?" "What time did they pull this bookie out of the river?" "Scotty told me around 6:00." "Ted told me 8:00." "It's like a fucking guessing game." "They pulled him at 6:00 and bagged him at 8:00." "Was he nude?" "Somebody said he had a t-shirt on." "Why don't you get off your ass and check the reports, man?" "I'm goin' with nude." "I'm so glad this thing is finally over." "I'm goin' with nude." "What does that mean?" "We don't have to look for this guy anymore." "What does that mean?" "Gee, wouldn't it be great if we found out who killed him?" "What does that mean?" "I realize that entails a little more work, but I'm just thinkin' out loud." "What does that mean?" "Has it ever occurred to you, chambers, that he was drunk..." "What does that mean?" "And he just slipped off the bridge?" "What does that mean?" "Hmm?" "A little thing called an accident." "What does that mean?" "Why is everybody around here so foul-play happy?" "What does that mean?" "The man was bludgeoned to death, lakewood!" "What does that mean?" "His skull was bashed in, he had a plastic bag over his head..." "What does that mean?" "And duct tape around his neck." "What does that mean?" "Keep going." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "What is it that makes you successful..." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "And all the others knocking on the doors not so successful?" "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "I'm not so sure." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "As I travel around the country," "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "I see on television guys who would make good game show hosts," "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "But I don't tell 'em." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "I think, to me, the analogy is a game show host is the icing on the cake." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "But the format is the cake." "No one..." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "I'll love you till the day I die." "You're in a very small, select group of guys." "Yes!" "And again." " At 2:15 that afternoon," " Johnny Clay... yes!" "And again." "Yes!" "And again." "He's expecting me." "Come in." "I don't know why I did it." "It all unraveled and then one thing happened after another." "I don't know why I did it." "Jesus." "I'm still in shock, boss." "I don't know why I did it." "I'm in so much trouble, Larry." "I don't know why I did it." "No man becomes wise without stepping on the soil of fools." "I don't know why I did it." "Right." "Right!" "I don't know why I did it." "But I never claimed to be..." "I don't know why I did it." "That's good." "Where did you get that?" "Is that from the Bible?" "I don't know why I did it." "Actually, it's from this play I wrote in eighth grade about evel knievel." "I don't know why I did it." "Oh." "What are you gonna do?" "I don't know why I did it." "Well, I have a plan, I do." "I don't know why I did it." "But I need money." "I need it fast." "I don't know why I did it." "So I was thinking about that guy who wanted the snowmobiles, the one in Colorado?" "I don't know why I did it." "Yeah." "Well, you think he's still interested?" "I don't know why I did it." "Yeah, I think so, but you'd have to find some way to deliver 'em." "I don't know why I did it." "Set it up." "Set... it... up." " A hundred thousand dollars?" " That's right." "Set it up." "Set... it... up." "You wanna sell me a lotto ticket worth $6.4 million for $100,000?" "Set it up." "Set... it... up." "Correct." "I want out." "Set it up." "Set... it... up." "However, this is a one-time-only offer, dick." "One-time-only." "Set it up." "Set... it... up." "I want the money, I want it tonight at the station." "Set it up." "Set... it... up." "If I hear any excuses, any bullshit comments like, "I can only get part of it"..." "Set it up." "Set... it... up." "Or "I need more time," the deal is off." "Set it up." "Set... it... up." "Be reasonable." "It'll take me a couple of days... deal's off." "Set it up." "Set... it... up." "I'll get it, I'll get it." "Good decision." "Set it up." "Set... it... up." "Now, I believe that I have solved all of our problems." "Really?" "What century is this guy in?" "Why don't you pass him?" "Now, I believe that I have solved all of our problems." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "A year and a half behind this freak." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "One, I found a buyer for the snowmobiles, a guy in Colorado." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "I'm renting a trailer, and I'm gonna deliver them myself." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "But why Colorado?" "But, uh, uh!" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" " The lotto ticket." " I sold it to dick." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "Hundred grand cash." "Now it's his problem." "I don't think so." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "Number three, which is probably the most important of all, put a motor on it, Jake!" "I'm leaving tonight for good." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "Now, questions." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "You fucked up the whole thing!" "You screwed it all up!" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "Stop it!" "You crazy fool!" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "God, and I could've got a car and everything!" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "Hey, now listen." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "If I didn't do this, we would be in jail put a motor on it, Jake!" "Or at the bottom of a river..." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "With bricks taped around our wrists." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "And you know it." "Oh, my God." "You're so stupid." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "Oh!" "Oh, crystal." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "We are under surveillance." "Oh, yeah?" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "Yes." "Last night I stopped by a convenience store." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "A cop pulled in behind me, he got out, he followed me in..." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "And then he pretended to get a cup of coffee!" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "Did he pretend to get a doughnut?" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "Oh, you know... you are nuts!" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "You need to see a psychiatrist." "Oh, I'm nuts?" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "You can't handle this!" "What about this little puppy?" "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "There's enough mist in this thing to save ten masturbators." "Put a motor on it, Jake!" "¶ Ain't no big thing to wait... ¶¶ that's an ugly turn of events." "Mm-hmm." "¶ Ain't no big thing to wait... ¶¶ mmm!" "What is this?" "¶ Ain't no big thing to wait... ¶¶ schnapps?" "What, am I in third grade?" "¶ Ain't no big thing to wait... ¶¶ can I have a drink, please?" "¶ Ain't no big thing to wait... ¶¶ let's just talk this through, shall we?" "¶ Ain't no big thing to wait... ¶¶ you're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, yeah." "Sold the ticket for a hundred grand." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, can you believe it?" "A $6 million ticket!" "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom," "I've got more brains in my... shoe!" "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, you know, Russ never really had the stomach for this sort of thing, did he?" "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, well, I do, and I want that ticket back, and I want dick Simmons dead!" "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, do you hear me?" "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, fine." "Fine." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, speed dial." "I love it." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, and I want his head cut off so I can hang it from my rearview mirror!" "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, that's just your anger talking." "Yeah." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom," "Dale." "Dale, it's gig." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, his machine." "Oh." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, um, see, things have got a little bit sticky over here." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, slight change of plans, nothing that your deft touch couldn't rectify." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, so either swing by or just return the call." "That'd be marvelous." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, thank you." "Great." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, slight snag though." "What?" "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, well, Dale... bless him... has been doing favor after favor for us." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, if it's not one thing, it's... the other." "So... you're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, so what's your point?" "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, if he's gets the ticket back for us, we're gonna have to give him a little more money." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, no." "No way." "N-o." "That would only be fair." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, there is a limit to my classiness." "You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, quite obviously." "Shut up!" "I'll handle this." "You just leave Dale out of it." "Quite obviously." "Shut up!" "Bunch of morons." "I have to do everything myself!" "Quite obviously." "Shut up!" "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "An old face from the past." "What's on your mind, gorgeous?" "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "Oh, nothin'." "Just wanted to say hello." "Really?" "That's sweet." "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "'Cause the last time we chatted, I believe you threatened to kill me." "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "Gee, has something changed since then?" "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "Well, you really did outsmart us, didn't you?" "Screwed us royally." "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "I'm impressed, dick." "I'm like a lion that way." "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "I hide in the weeds, bide my time, hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "Then I jump out and tear the ass off some dumb buffalo." "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "Ooh." "So, Mr. lion, hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "How are you gonna cash in that ticket?" "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "I'll think of something." "Don't lose any sleep over it." "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "Believe me, honey, I sleep like a baby, hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "'Cause the second you try to cash in that little fucker, hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "I'm going straight to the lottery commission and tell them everything." "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "If you did that, angel, I'd rat you out quicker than a frog can take a piss." "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "Mmm." "Hi." "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "What do you want?" "Halfsies." "Half." "What do you want?" "Halfsies." "Have you been exercising?" "'Cause you look great." "Deal." "Nothing like rekindling an old friendship." "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "Wagstaff?" "Yes, wagstaff." "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "Are you sure?" "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "Yeah, light hair, 6'2", lives at this address." "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "You need anything else?" "Does he have a record?" "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "You should read the report sometime." "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "Wagstaff was overheard hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "Bragging about the bookie's murder in a bar." "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "Oh, what a jerk." "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "You know what would be unfortunate?" "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "If we got into that whole let's-follow-him rigmarole." "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "Oh, perfect." "Hey, that's him." "Wagstaff." "Oh, man!" "It's getting cold out, huh?" "I never realized how heavy these things were." "Yeah, 4-40s, you know." "K.C.-Inducted engines, twin carbs." "Just touch that throttle and boom!" "It's like gettin' a chick off." "Jeez, I hope that wasn't your sales pitch." "Oh, yeah." "You actually said that to people?" "Well, you know, just like biker types." "Huh." "Hey, Russ." "Check it out." "I don't believe it." "I thought you called for partly cloudy and pleasant tonight." "I don't believe it." "A backdoor cold front." "I don't believe it." "A what?" "A backdoor cold front." "I don't believe it." "Rare." "I don't believe it." "Almost impossible to predict." "I don't believe it." "The atmosphere... a beautiful yet fickle beast she is." "I don't believe it." "Is that from the evel knievel play?" "I don't believe it." "Yup." "I don't believe it." "Where in the hell is he going?" "Beats me." "Where in the hell is he going?" "He's definitely up to something." "Definitely." "Where in the hell is he going?" "We should call for backup." "You know, it never hurts." "Where in the hell is he going?" "You know, backup, it's like an old friend." "Where in the hell is he going?" "It's like an old, comfortable sweatshirt you slip into on a cold winter's night." "Where in the hell is he going?" "Are you listening, chambers?" "Get your head out of the clouds!" "Where in the hell is he going?" "Hey." "Hey, wake up." "Hey." "Come on." "Wake up." "Hey." "Fuck it." "What?" "Wake the fuck up!" "Fuck it." "What is this?" "What do you want?" "Fuck it." "You know what I want." "My wallet's in my pants." "Fuck it." "Take the $50 out of my wallet." "Fuck it." "And don't hurt me!" "I'm just sleeping over." "Fuck it." "Where's the ticket?" "What ticket?" "Fuck it." "Gig sent you?" "Fuck it." "The fuckin' tooth fairy sent me, twiggy." "Fuck it." "Who do you think?" "Hey, please leave." "Fuck it." "Don't fuckin' play games with me." "Fuck it." "I'm hopped up on wine coolers and antidepressants." "Fuck it." "I'm not feelin' good." "Where is it?" "Fuck it." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Fuck it." "You don't know?" "No, I don't know what you're talking about." "Fuck it." "Do you like baseball?" "What?" "Fuck it." "Do you like baseball?" "Yes." "Fuck it." "Who's your favorite player?" "Ted Williams." "Fuck it." "Ted Williams." "Oh, yeah." "He had some swing." "It was sort of like this." "Fuck it." "Fuck it." "No, hey, hey." "Hold on." "Fuck it." "Just take it easy." "I'm gonna call for backup." "Fuck it." "I'm gonna go around the back." "You cover the front." "No, you're in cowboy mode." "Fuck it." "Stop that!" "Wait for backup." "Fuck it." "Oh, shit." "Shit." "Fuck it." "Shit!" "Fuck it." "Are we speaking the same language now?" "I'm gonna give him the ticket." "Fuck it." "It's not worth it." "Life's too precious." "Fuck it." "Good girl." "You see, that's all I ask for, a little cooperation." "Fuck it." "Here's your cooperation, you mongoloid piece of shit!" "Aaah!" "Ooh!" "Fuck it." "Oh!" "Aah!" "Aah." "Fuck it." "Police!" "Freeze!" "Don't shoot!" "No, no!" "There's a raving crazy guy up there!" "Police!" "Freeze!" "Just go kill him." "Police!" "Freeze!" "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Lakewood, I'm hit!" "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Huh?" "Say what?" "Don't let him through!" "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Aah!" "Somebody!" "Get me a fucking robe!" "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Just another word for saying you're getting screwed." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "But so what, right?" "It's all over now anyway." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "In a little while, bim-bam-boom, I've got this town in the rearview mirror." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Hey, take me with you, boss." "What?" "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Yeah, a little Colorado road trip." "No, no, Larry." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Come on." "Let me go." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "I'm practically a fugitive." "I can't take you with me." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Well, Russ, today, yeah, isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "I'm an authorized yamaha sales associate, isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "But tomorrow I'm just another guy..." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Boxing peanut butter cups at hershey." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Come on, Russ." "I have faith in you, man." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Really?" "You would just drop everything to come with me?" "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Yeah, let the word go forth... isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "The Russ Richards freight train is about to leave the station." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "New horizons, new conquests." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Ready to kick some new ass." "Bob barker, watch out." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Russ Richards is headin' west." "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "Now let's see what's behind door number three." "Whoo-hoo!" "Isn't it ironic?" "Yeah, ironic." "¶ You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it ¶" "¶ I thank you all ¶" "¶ you brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it ¶ come on. ¶ This will be no bed of roses ¶" "¶ you brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it ¶ all right, I'll take the first eight hours." "¶ You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it ¶ you ever driven one of these things?" "Nope." "¶ You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it ¶" "¶ I consider it a challenge before the whole human race and I never lose ¶" "¶ you brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it ¶ all right." "Here we go." "¶ You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it ¶ hey." "Yeah, baby." "¶ You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it ¶" "¶ we are the champions ¶" "¶ you brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it ¶" "¶ my friends ¶" "¶ you brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it ¶" "¶ and we'll keep on fighting ¶" "¶ till the end ¶" "¶ and we'll keep on fighting ¶ damn the torpedoes!" "Full speed ahead!" "¶ And we'll keep on fighting ¶ whoo!" "¶ We are the champions ¶" "¶ and we'll keep on fighting ¶" "¶ we are the champions ¶" "¶ and we'll keep on fighting ¶" "¶ no time for losers ¶" "¶ and we'll keep on fighting ¶" "¶ 'cause we are the champions ¶¶" "¶ and we'll keep on fighting ¶ so far, so good." "Let's go." "¶ And we'll keep on fighting ¶" "I'm not gonna look." "I think that's a good idea." "Yup." "I'm not gonna look." "Easy, easy." "I got it." "Let's get him up." "Easy, easy." "I got it." "Dick, where's the ticket?" "Easy, easy." "I got it." "Answer me." "He can't answer you, ma'am." "He's been sedated." "Easy, easy." "I got it." "Why did you do that?" "Oh!" "Easy, easy." "I got it." "Fuck." "Here." "Oh." "Here." "Thank you." "That was, uh, very brave tonight, ma'am." "Yeah." "He was an animal with an intent to kill." "Thank you." "That was, uh, very brave tonight, ma'am." "No shit, the fucking creep." "Oops." "Excuse my French." "Thank you." "That was, uh, very brave tonight, ma'am." "Um, can I give you a lift..." "To the hospital?" "Um, can I give you a lift..." "Why?" "I'm fine." "Um, can I give you a lift..." "No, I meant, to be with Mr. Simmons." "Um, can I give you a lift..." "Oh, right." "Yeah." "Um, can I give you a lift..." "You know, it's kinda late, and I have a lot of stuff to do in the morning, early." "Um, can I give you a lift..." "Stuff." "Mm-hmm." "Um, can I give you a lift..." "Well, we might need some more information, and, uh, um, can I give you a lift..." "Uh, I might call you." "Um, can I give you a lift..." "I'm available." "Um, can I give you a lift..." "Fantastic." "Okay." "Can I go now?" "Um, can I give you a lift..." "Sure." "Thank you." "Um, can I give you a lift..." "Get him out of here." "Hey, chambers." "All right, hang on just a second." "Hey, chambers." "How you feeling, partner?" "Hey, chambers." "I'd feel a lot better if I could get to the hospital." "Could you make this quick?" "Hey, chambers." "We're all gonna pull you through this, all right?" "Hey, chambers." "Positive attitude..." "that's everything." "Hey, chambers." "Hey, pal, he got shot in the leg." "I think he'll be fine." "Hey, chambers." "Let's hope so." "Be careful with him!" "Hey, chambers." "What are you doing?" "Hey, chambers." "I'm trying to disconnect this trailer so we can get out of here." "Hey, chambers." "Base to car six." "What?" "We've got a jackknifed tractor-trailer at route 22 in Devonshire." "You're about a mile away." "Great." "Now I got another 20,000 forms to fill out." "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "Uh, I think it's twisted." "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "No, it's coming." "It's coming!" "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "Oh, I don't know, Russ." "It's coming!" "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "Shit!" "Fuck!" "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "Why... why the hell is it snowing now?" "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "Why the fuck is it snowing now?" "Fuck!" "Fuck!" "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "Uh-oh." "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "Don't say a word without your lawyer, even if they beat the crap out of you." "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "Not tonight." "Nobody's beating the crap out of me." "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "You get out of here." "I don't want you mixed up in this." "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "If I go to jail, I'm goin' alone." "Wait!" "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "Your money's in your briefcase!" "Why do they make these things out of metal?" "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "Take the 4-40!" "Excellent power-to-weight ratio." "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "What?" "Two-year unlimited service warranty!" "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "A fix-it-yourself onboard tool kit in the backseat!" "Okay!" "Fine!" "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "This beauty is built for you!" "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "Hand warmers, halogen lights, special all-track suspension!" "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "Shut your trap." "I got it!" "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "Don't pull the choke." "The lines are dry." "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "No, don't flood it." "You said don't pull the choke." "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "Finesse it, don't flood it." "It's like getting a chick off." "We went over this!" "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "All right, you fellas." "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "It looks like you're in need of some assistance." "No, Russ, don't do it!" "Don't take that sled." "It's a piece of shit." "Get back!" "Huh?" "Back off!" "Huh?" "Get back!" "Huh?" "I said back off, motherfucker!" "Get back!" "Huh?" "Hey." "Hey!" "Get back!" "Huh?" "Ho!" "Oh, man!" "Get back!" "Huh?" "Give me the case." "Get back!" "Huh?" "Whoo!" "Hoo-hoo!" "Whoa!" "Hail yamaha." "Whoa!" "Ah, Jesus Christ!" "Whoa!" "This night never ends." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "¶ Let me loose I just got back ¶" "¶ I was pushed and I got dragged ¶ okay, kids!" "¶ Let me loose I just got back ¶ now it's time to play the snowmobile game," "¶ let me loose I just got back ¶ with your host, Russ Richards!" "¶ Let me loose I just got back ¶" "¶ destination anywhere ¶" "¶ let me loose I just got back ¶" "¶ so far gone I'm almost there ¶" "¶ let me loose I just got back ¶" "¶ can't you see I can't deny ¶" "¶ let me loose I just got back ¶" "¶ I'm outta here like I'm on fire ¶" "¶ let me loose I just got back ¶ yeah!" "Whoa!" "¶ Livin' like a caged-up animal, criminal ¶" "¶ let me loose I just got back ¶" "¶ television newsman so subliminal ¶ whoa!" "¶ Let me loose I just got back ¶" "¶ bringing down the walls of wonderland ¶" "¶ let me loose I just got back ¶ ohh!" "¶ Let me loose I just got back ¶" "¶ just another highbrow cowboy telling' me everything and everyone ¶" "¶ let me loose I just got back ¶" "¶ and all the things I oughta be ¶" "¶ let me loose I just got back ¶" "¶ here I am your demolition man ¶¶ oh, jeez!" "Aaah!" "¶ Let me loose I just got back ¶" "Russ?" "Russ." "Russ." "No." "Russ?" "Russ." "Russ." "No." "Russ?" "Russ." "Russ!" "Oh, my God." "Russ?" "Russ." "How you feelin'?" "Russ?" "Russ." "Oh, you got pretty banged up there." "That's beautiful." "Russ?" "Russ." "We figured you'd be up in a minute." "Russ?" "Russ." "You were singing "my way" in your sleep." "Russ?" "Russ." "You are so funny." "You're as funny in a coma as you are on TV." "Russ?" "Russ." "I can't believe I'm alive." "One more." "Russ?" "Russ." "You get it?" "Okay, you have a visitor outside." "Russ?" "Russ." "I'm gonna get your dinner, and I'll be back in a minute, okay?" "Russ?" "Russ." "Okay." "Bye." "Yeah?" "Russ?" "Russ." "Okay, bye-bye." "Bye." "Russ?" "Russ." "Please don't upset him." "I'm not gonna do anything to upset him." "Russ?" "Russ." "You're in big trouble, mister." "Russ?" "Russ." "No." "Oh, God." "Yup." "Russ?" "Russ." "You're gonna have to pay for it." "I told them, officer." "Russ?" "Russ." "I said it was a stupid idea right from the start, but nobody listened to me." "Russ?" "Russ." "That's good." "Remorse." "Nice candy." "Russ?" "Russ." "'Cause, for starters, we're looking at three big ones." "Russ?" "Russ." "Oh, God!" "Three big..." "three years?" "Russ?" "Russ." "Three hundred dollars." "Russ?" "Russ." "What?" "Russ?" "Russ." "For the windshield." "Russ?" "Russ." "Plus, there's this little baby right here." "Russ?" "Russ." "You'll have to put that together with scotch tape, but it still counts." "Russ?" "Russ." "This... this is a ticket." "Yeah." "Russ?" "Russ." "For operating a class-two vehicle without a license." "Weight class two." "Russ?" "Russ." "Officer, can't this wait?" "Mr. Richards is suffering from a mild concussion." "Russ?" "Russ." "We're talking." "It's not even filled out." "There's nothin' on it." "Russ?" "Russ." "My pen ran out of ink." "Russ?" "Russ." "Officer, I really must insist." "Russ?" "Russ." "From doing paperwork all night, between you and saving your boss' ass." "Russ?" "Russ." "My boss?" "Dick Simmons." "Russ?" "Russ." "He's right down the hall here." "Wh-why is he here?" "Russ?" "Russ." "Some thug broke into his house." "Russ?" "Russ." "And broke both his legs with a baseball bat." "Officer, please." "Russ?" "Russ." "Boom." "Was it... was it Dale the thug?" "Russ?" "Russ." "Well, I don't know." "Some jerk with a plaid shirt." "Russ?" "Russ." "But don't worry." "Russ?" "Russ." "I killed him." "Russ?" "Russ." "Oh, jeez, that's just..." "Russ?" "Russ." "Come on." "Thank you." "Russ?" "Russ." "Back, back, back, back!" "Russ?" "Russ." "Scoot!" "Scoot!" "Yes!" "Russ?" "Russ." "I can't stand it." "Yes!" "Russ?" "Russ." "What?" "Dick, I'm back." "This is the lightning round." "I'm calling the shots now." "Quiet, I'm trying to ski." "Look, I got your money." "I'm gonna give it back, but I need the ticket." "Where's the ticket?" "It's my show..." "Okay, this is the plan." "I'm docking you for being an asshole." "And I'm docking gig for having people killed." "And I'm docking crystal for being a twisted, psycho bitch!" "Starting today, I decide where the money goes." "If anyone doesn't like it, we're all going to jail." "Give me that ticket." "Where is it?" "Where is the ticket?" "I..." "I gave it to Larry king." "Uh, no... don't you care to share your toys?" "Uh, no..." "The search is over." "The winner of last month's $6.4 million lottery jackpot..." "The search is over." "Has finally stepped forward." "The search is over." "She's a waitress at a local Denny's right here in Harrisburg." "The search is over." "Pennsylvania's newest multimillionaire is Wendy fawcett." "The search is over." "Thank you so much!" "I don't know what to say." "The search is over." "I've never won anything before in my life." "The search is over." "Wendy, what are you gonna do with the money?" "The search is over." "I'm going to put some of it in savings and some of it in checking." "The search is over." "And the rest I'll be sharing with a good friend." "The search is over." "And who's that?" "I'm not telling you!" "The search is over." "And we're giving a lot of it away to the big brothers," "The search is over." "The sunshiny day club, asthma..." "The search is over." "Do you have asthma?" "No." "The search is over." "But many people out there do." "The search is over." "Wendy, how did you pick the numbers you played?" "The search is over." "How did I what?" "The search is over." "How did you choose the winning numbers?" "The search is over." "Oh, I get what you're saying." "The search is over." "I... okay, I get it, I get it!" "Um, wow." "The search is over." "Uh, let's see, uh," "The search is over." "Seventy... seventy is because..." "The search is over." "A cheeseburger deluxe with bacon..." "The search is over." "Is 70 cents extra." "The search is over." "And, um, 16..." "The search is over." "When I was 16, I went to a party." "The search is over." "And, uh, nine..." "The search is over." "Well, nine, we all know, is just lucky." "The search is over." "Oh, man." "And, um, seven is..." "I have seven Barbies, oh, man." "And, um, not including the ones that got their face chewed off..." "Oh, man." "And, um, by the next door neighbor's dog, who's just such a great dog." "Oh, man." "And, um," "So there you have it... a story to tell your grandchildren." "Oh, man." "And, um, well, maybe not." "Oh, man." "And, um, dick Simmons was fired from wtpa..." "Oh, man." "And, um, after calling the head of the network "the luckiest asshole on the planet."" "Oh, man." "And, um, he now teaches communications at pocono community college." "Oh, man." "And, um, ethics." "Oh, man." "And, um, crystal married and divorced a sickly 80-year-old millionaire..." "Oh, man." "And, um, and sued him for half his money." "Oh, man." "And, um, she testified he was a svengali, oh, man." "And, um, a word she mispronounced throughout the trial." "Oh, man." "And, um, he was like..." "like this "svenjelly."" "Oh, man." "And, um," "She lost the case." "Oh, man." "And, um," "¶ you're making my dreams come true ¶ ten." "Oh, man." "And, um, she now works at gig's five nights a week." "Seventy-eight!" "Oh, man." "And, um, no cover charge, free buffalo wings with coupon." "Oh, man." "And, um, thirty-nine!" "Gig bought an obscure stock called Microsoft in 1990." "Oh, man." "And, um, he now divides his time between Harrisburg and his estate in Monaco." "Oh, man." "And, um," "¶ listen to this ¶ oh, man." "And, um," "¶ I've done all my daydreaming' ¶ oh, man." "And, um," "¶ oh, that sleep walk should be over by now ¶ oh, man." "And, um, as for me, I moved to St. augustine, Florida, oh, man." "And, um, where it hasn't snowed in 50 years." "Oh, man." "And, um," "And you know what?" "Oh, man." "And, um," "I auditioned, and I was back on TV." "Oh, man." "And, um," "And now, it's time to play north Florida cable's..." "Oh, man." "And, um, second-most popular game show, lucky numbers, oh, man." "And, um, with your host, Russ Richards." "Oh, man." "And, um, hey!" "How are ya?" "Oh, man." "And, um, thank you." "Thank you so much." "Oh, man." "And, um, hey." "What a great-looking audience." "Oh, man." "And, um, my goodness, I'd love to take you home with me tonight." "Oh, man." "And, um, how 'bout it?" "Tonight, after the show?" "Oh, man." "And, um, dinner for 250?" "Okay." "Oh, man." "And, um," "I'll make the margaritas." "All right now." "Oh, man." "And, um," "You know, sometimes I walk past an appliance store..." "Oh, man." "And, um, and there are 45 TV sets in the window, and I'm on every one of 'em." "Oh, man." "And, um, at times like that, I say to myself, "why me?"" "Oh, man." "And, um," "I mean, "why me?"" "Oh, man." "And, um, if I had to answer the question, I'd have to say, "just lucky."" "Oh, man." "And, um," "¶ you're making my dreams come true, doo-ooh, doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo ¶¶ oh, man." "And, um," "¶ Nights were warm ¶" "¶ dreams were easy ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ no one standing' ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ overhead ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ conversation ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ didn't mean much ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ we were hungry but we could not be fed ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ radio blastin' ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ silly little love songs ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ we only listened for the beat ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ takin' our chances ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ out there on the mean streets ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ hiding in the shadows from the heat ¶" "¶ nights were warm ¶" "¶ from the heat ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ just brave strangers ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ as we fought and we tumbled through the night ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ we were players ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ not arrangers ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ and we jammed till the dawn's early light ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ swimming in the big lake ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ taking it easy ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ taking any comfort we could find ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ didn't need the real truth ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ didn't need the meaning ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ straight ahead ignoring every sign ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ every sign ¶" "¶ and, oh, I remember ¶" "¶ I know you do too ¶" "¶ oh, that one evening ¶" "¶ I know you do too ¶" "¶ the moon flying' high ¶" "¶ the moon flying' high ¶" "¶ the moon flying' high ¶" "¶ and you took my hand ¶ ¶ ooh ¶" "¶ the moon flying' high ¶" "¶ ooh-ooh ¶" "¶ the moon flying' high ¶" "¶ you took my hand ¶" "¶ the moon flying' high ¶" "¶ ooh-ooh ¶" "¶ the moon flying' high ¶" "¶ and it went all right ¶" "¶ the moon flying' high ¶" "¶ it went all right ¶" "¶ it went all right ¶" "¶ it went all right ¶" "¶ it went all right ¶" "¶ it went all right ¶" "¶ oh ¶" "¶ so we walked out ¶" "¶ hardly speaking ¶" "¶ so we walked out ¶" "¶ disappearing ¶" "¶ so we walked out ¶" "¶ in the night ¶" "¶ so we walked out ¶" "¶ saw each other ¶" "¶ so we walked out ¶" "¶ a few times after ¶" "¶ so we walked out ¶" "¶ but we never really got it right ¶" "¶ so we walked out ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ just brave strangers ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ as we rolled and we tumbled through the night ¶" "¶ we weren't lovers ¶" "¶ we were players ¶" "¶ not arrangers ¶" "¶ we were players ¶" "¶ and we jammed till the dawn's early light ¶" "¶ we were players ¶" "¶ just brave strangers ¶ ¶ early light ¶" "¶ just brave strangers ¶ ¶ whoa-oh ¶" "¶ whoa-oh ¶" "¶ whoa-oh ¶" "¶ whoa-oh-oh ¶" "¶ whoa-oh ¶" "¶ whoa-oh ¶" "¶ whoa-oh ¶" "¶ yeah ¶¶" "¶ whoa-oh ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ I can't wait to go to heaven ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ before I get my big reward ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ if I'm good I could ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ that's what they tell me I've been workin' for ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ when I prove that I can do it ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ that's when I'll get my big reward ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ keep that big wheel turning' ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ and my number will come up for sure ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ I'm gonna get my big reward ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ wanna get my big reward ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ wanna have it all sewn up ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ before I'm all grown up ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ gonna get my big reward ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ gonna get my big reward ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ gonna get my big reward ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ right now ¶" "¶¶¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶" "¶ I won't give up my big reward ¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶" "¶ we have to take our chances ¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶" "¶ we got a plan and we can make a score ¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶" "¶ I'm gonna get my big reward ¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶" "¶ wanna get my big reward ¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶" "¶ wanna have it all sewn up ¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶" "¶ before I'm all grown up ¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶" "¶ gonna get my big reward ¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶" "¶ gonna get my big reward ¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶" "¶ right now ¶¶" "¶ never mind the odds against us ¶"