"[ALERT BLARING]" "Divert all power to the forward laser cannons." "The energy core isn't designed to" "That's an order, Cadet." "The energy core is going to explode." "We can't give up now." "Almost there." "That should do it." "Impressive use of line, is it not, Cadet?" "The energy core is going to explode." "DODGERS:" "What was that?" "CADET:" "The energy core exploded." "DODGERS:" "Well, why didn't you say something?" "[BEEPING]" "Activate the auxiliary energy core." " But we don't have an auxiliary." " What?" "Burned it out when you used the rocket thruster to make toast." "Can't a guy enjoy a crispy English muffin around here?" " Can't he?" " I've determined that our present course of action is to drift freeze starve and die." "Settle down, Regis." "Don't forget that I'm a valuable space captain of the Galactic Protectorate." "I'm sure they'll send a rescue ship." "Ha-ha-ha." "Who's my little piggy?" "Are you my little piggy?" "[IMITATING CADET] Sì, señor, I'm your little piggy." "That's right." "And you would never go away and leave me alone." "Sir, what are you doing?" "You came back." "Oh, why did you ever leave me?" "I had to go to the bathroom." "Now I'll never let you go." "[RADAR BEEPING]" "A ship." "[THUDS]" " A ship." "A ship." "A ship." " Uh-oh." "What do you mean uh-oh?" "CADET:" "Just as I thought." "It's a Martian ship." "Yuck." "I hate that guy." "But this does give me an idea." "I don't know, captain." "Your ideas are usually, stu" " Risky." "Yeah, risky like a fox." "Quit fluffing, Cadet." "I'm almost finished." "I feel ridic--Silly." "Just don't forget the plan." "I'll sneak on board and steal the energy core while you keep the little runt busy with your feminine charms." "Yeah, but I don't have any feminine charms." " Of course you do." " I do?" "Why, you look top drawer, the cat's pajamas." "In fact, you're a real hot potater." " Go on and say it." " I don't wanna." " Say it!" " Oh, I'm a hot potater." "You gotta work it, sister." " [IN FEMALE VOICE] I'm a hot potater." " There you go." " I'm a hot potater." " All right, all right." "Cool your jets, Cadet." "COMMANDER [OVER RADIO]:" "Attention, shuttlecraft." "Initiate visual contact." "I bring you greetings, commander." "And many thanks from my race of space vixens for the rescue of myself, the vixen princess." "I would just love the opportunity to land on board your little old ship." "COMMANDER:" "Oh, my, yes." "Please proceed to the forward space dock." "Remember, just have fun with this and let nature takes its course." "Now, to find the energy core." "The old ventilation-system trick." "Wonder why these things are never guarded." "Huh?" "[SCREAMS]" "Got to hang on." "If I can wedge this rod in just right might be able to stop the fan before being cut to ribbons." "[THUDDING]" "[DODGERS SCREAMS]" "And this over here is our negative iod-planet-splitter." "Uh, great." "Hey, don't y'all ever do anything fun around here?" "Fun?" "[BEEPING]" "Hmm, according to my quadracorder the energy core should be right behind this door." "[GROWLING]" "Gotta think fast." "Must play dead." "[GRUNTING]" "Whee!" "Whee!" "There's nothing I enjoy more than frolicking in a room filled with empty plastic balls." "These Martian ships really do have everything." "Would you like to partake of nutritious morsels with me?" "If that means eat something, count me in." "So I'm glad we had this time to settle our differences." "[GORILLA GRUNTS]" "Apology accepted, big guy." "Here's my floor." "And remember my two words of advice:" "anger management." "Now, the big gorilla said that the power core is at the end of this hallway." "Whoa." "It sure is shiny and surrounded by a moat of radioactive waste." "This calls for some special effects." "What's wrong with this stupid piece of plastic junk?" "There goes my ride home." "[VIOLIN PLAYING]" "[BOTH LAUGHING]" "Now I just have to pop this bad boy out." "Should be a piece of cake." "[GRUNTS]" "Must be a twist-off." "[GRUNTING]" "[PANTING]" "Maybe the old lunge and jerk." "I'd like to get my hands on the jerk who built this thing." "I mean, who would build a...?" "Hmm." "Well, if it was a snake, it would've bit me." "[SPLASHES]" "Oh, dear." "Something must be wrong with the lights." "Isn't it romantic?" "[GIGGLES]" "Radioactive waste." "Hot, hot, hot." "Hey, that wasn't so bad." "I don't know what I was so worried about." "I feel great." "And even my vision seems to be improved." "I'll just pretend like that never happened." "All right, time to signal the cadet and blow this taco stand." "[BEATBOXING]" "[CAWING]" "[GIBBERING]" "Excuse me for a second." "I have to powder my no--Snout." "I got the energy core." "Let's go." "[IN NORMAL VOICE] Could you give me, like, five minutes?" "I just wanna let the guy down easy." "He's really been a perfect little gentleman." "Let's go." "Now all we have to do is pop this baby in." "No!" "No!" "No, no, no!" "Huh?" "Where did that come from?" "Well, you see, the Martian was happy to give me one." "He has a whole storeroom full of energy cores." "You could have signaled and saved me a lot of trouble." "What, and miss dinner?" "Follow me to the bridge." "Prepare a subspace e-mail to the enemy ship." " Aye, captain." " Dear Martian Luther it may interest you to know that while you were making cow eyes at a male pig in a dress" "Underline and bold on male." "I eluded all detection as I sneaked aboard your ship and stole your energy core from under your nonexistent nose." "Ha, ha." "Sizzle and burn, you skirt-wearing loser, you." "Until we meet again." "Love D.D.I.T. 24th and a half C." "Send message." "Message sent, sir." "CENTURION:" "Message for you, commander." ""Thanks for a lovely time." "Sorry I had to run."" "Oh, peanuts." "I'm also here to report that Duck Dodgers' ship has been spotted nearby." "Shall we give chase?" "No, Centurion." "After my encounter with the lovely space vixen I'm actually feeling rather benevolent." "Okay, it passed." "Destroy Duck Dodgers!" "The president of outer space is going to be so angry." "Where is that Dodgers?" "Hey, doc, slow down." "You're gonna wear out the linoleum." "Where have you been?" "You're two hours late." "Well, you see, uh, I was at my grandmother's funeral." "And it ran kind of long." "What kind of idiot do you think I am?" "Your grandmother has been dead for over 300 years." "Gentlemen, we are faced with a most dire situation making this mission of the utmost import." "Oh, by the way, Dodgers, sorry to hear about your grandmother." "It seems the planet of Andromeda Six in the beta-carotene system has fallen under Martian domination and is being controlled by an army of Centurion robots." "Dodgers, your mission is to transport our special agent to Andromeda Six." "There, the agent will organize freedom fighters to expel the Martian invaders." "Can you do it, Dodgers?" "I don't know." "Sounds sort of" "Can you do it, Dodgers?" "Well, I still have a few days of bereavement coming." "Can you do it, Dodgers?" "All right." "I'll do it." "I'll do it." "Of course, I just had my hair permed." " Subatomic proton torpedoes." " Check." " Hyper fluoride toothpaste." " Check." " Assorted hard candies." " Check." " The secret agent." " Nope." " What?" " The agent hasn't reported in yet." "Where is this guy?" "I mean, what kind of a jerk shows up two hours late?" "Dodgers, the agent is prepared to be evaporated up to your ship." "Now remember, we're counting on you." "This mission is of the utmost import." "You represent the entire" "Blah, blah, blah." "All right, Cadet, let's bring this knucklehead aboard." "Evaporate." "All right, pal, let's get one thing straight." "I" "I--I" "I love you with every fiber of my being." "I am Agent Yoshimi." "It's a pleasure to meet you." "Yes, my child." "As you know, this mission is" "I know." "Of the utmost import." "But time is of the essence." "Captain, our instruments are picking up a Martian ship." "Should we go on tactical alert?" "Captain Duck Yoshimi." "It's got a nice ring to it." "But what about the Martian vessel?" "Monitor the situation, Cadet." "I'm going to prepare for my beloved." "COMMANDER:" "I believe I've detected Duck Dodgers' ship." "Alter our present course and go to full pursuit." "Don't let them get away!" "Where are they?" "Whoa!" " Damage report?" " We've lost our thrusters." "Break off engagement to make necessary repairs." "Once again, foiled by your brilliance, Duck Dodgers." "Hey, Cadet, watch the bumps." "Remember, smooth and steady wins the race." "Hands at 10 and 2." "I'll try and remember that, sir." "I'll be in my quarters." "Notify me if anything important comes up." "Will do." "Centurion, calculate Dodgers' final destination from his present course." "Dodgers will arrive at Andromeda Six in one hour." "Good." "Then, we'll have a special little surprise waiting for him." "Duck Dodgers, prepare to meet your destiny." "Duck Dodgers, prepare to meet your destiny." "Heh, heh." "Tonight, Agent Yoshimi is gonna make an honest man out of me." "And an extra special occasion calls for an extra special hairdo." "Um, next." "Maybe not." "Nope." "No." "I need something really special." "[SCREAMS]" "Help!" "Help!" "Nice." "Activate the magnetic mine web." "CENTURION:" "Commander, Duck Dodgers' ship is not slowing down." "Object closing fast." "Object?" "What object?" "Oh, my." "Damage report." "Captain, we've pulled into orbit at Andromeda Six." "Captain Dodgers?" "[HUMMING MENDELSSOHN'S "WEDDING MARCH"]" "Hi." "What you doing?" "Spy stuff?" "I once thought of being a spy." "Pow, pow, pow." "Take that, you commie Martian." " Hello?" " Thanks for all your help, Cadet." "You're sweet." "I'll give your regards to Captain Dodgers." "Who?" "Oh, yeah." "Evaporate." "Cadet, Cadet!" "Where is she?" "Where is she, man?" "Spit it out." "I just evaporated her down to the planet so she could rid Andromeda Six of the Martians." "What's that on your forehead?" "It's a sign." "Don't you see?" "She loves me." "All of the Martian robots are controlled from this central location." "If we can destroy this tower and disrupt the signal the robots will malfunction, giving us the opportunity to strike." "I'll need two of your bravest to step forward and volunteer." "Is there no one else?" "I need one more brave soul." "[CHEERING]" "Yeah!" "Hey, what's all the cheering for?" "You just volunteered for a suicide mission." "Oh." "Remember, this is an extremely dangerous assignment." "Oh, my darling, in this moment of greatest danger our love is like a flower that shines in the darkness." "But we must be strong." "We must remember the cause for which we fight." " What are we fighting for again?" " For the fifth time we are freeing the planet from the army of Martian robots." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "How the heck are we gonna do that?" "Dax and I are going to distract the robot guards while you blow up the tower that controls them." " Right." " It's go time." "Good luck, Duck." "And you, my love." "Parting is such sweet sorrow." "Anon." "Anon, anon, anon." "Did that make any sense to you?" "Let's give those robots a wake-up call." "Hey!" "Over here, you rust buckets!" "Come and get us." "Interlopers." "Catch them." "Don't let them escape." "And now, for the latest in futuristic spy gear the rocket-powered stocking cap." "Not bad for a polyester blend." "Now, I'll just set these charges and be on my way before the big kablooey." "If that duck doesn't blow that tower, our goose is cooked." "I wonder if our firstborn will be a boy because I've always been fond of the name Montague." "Wow, pretty." "He actually did it." "Surrender or be destroyed." "This is your last warning." "CENTURION 2:" "Hey, what's the big idea?" "The robots are malfunctioning." "The time to attack is now." "Now to pick up the woman with which I will spend the rest of my life." "The rest of my life?" "That could be a long time." "And when it's over, I'll be dead." "I wanna live." "Die, robot invaders." "[ALL GRUNTING]" "The robots are defeated." " Yeah!" " All right!" "A new day is dawning for your people, as is my love for you." "I don't know how to break this to you." "But our love just wasn't in the stars." "Although, I guess we were." "Heh, heh." "How ironic." "Well, too broken up for words, eh?" "Cadet, bring me aboard." "YOSHIMI:" "Did you hear something?" "DAX:" "No." "Welcome back, Captain Dodgers." "What's the matter?" "I feel like my heart has been torn out by an angry orangutan and thrown into a blender set on devastate." "You know what I mean?" "Um, no." "But we did get our new assignment." "We're to transport a Corian princess to Omicron Nine." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, the next time I meet a dame I'm gonna walk right up to her and say" "I love you with every fiber of my being." "At least he's consistent." "[English" " US" "SDH]"