"This then?" "This is a not a movie" "This is a libel, slander, defamation of character" "A prolonged insult" "A godless spit in the face of art" "A kick in the pants to God, man, destiny,  time, love, beauty, what you will." "I'm going to sing for you" "A little off-key, perhaps, but I will sing" "I will sing while you croak" "I will dance over your dirty corpse." "Have you seen Boris?" "He's meeting someone who may rent the apartment" "Could you loan me 5 Francs to take a taxi to Saint Lazare?" "Now, you know Mona." "If I'm not there to meet the boat train she's allowed to turn right 'round and go back" "Oh, Henry!" "Ok, it's too late already, forget it" "Oh, for god's sake, here" "She rises up out of a sea of faces and embraces me embraces me, passionately" "A thousand eyes, noses, fingers, legs  bottles, windows, purses, saucers all glaring at us" "And we in each other's arms, oblivious." "I sit down beside her, and she talks, a flood of talk" "Wild, consumptive notes of hysteria" "Perversion, leprosy." "I hear not a word, because she's beautiful and I love her." "And now I'm happy and willing to die." "The hotel, where is it?" "Can we go to the hotel right now?" "Nah, I've gotta find Boris" "I thought I'd never get here" "When you weren't at the station, I..." "Hey!" "Boris!" "Henry, how are you?" "Nice to see you" "Hey, glad to see you!" "Here's Mona, my wife" "Hello" "Oh no" "My cheque didn't come, I haven't got it 20 francs?" "!" "It's all I've got, it's all I got on me, fella!" "Here, I'll give you half what I got." "Go on" "Come on, Boris" "Just...just once?" "Ah, alright" "Take it" "Thanks" "Yeah" "Really appreciate it." "Yeah, yeah, sure." "Thanks a lot!" "Yeah, yeah, sure, swell." "Oh, yeah." "A pleasure." " I see you Boris." "So long, Henry!" "May I take my dress off?" "No" "Oh, I forgot to tell you" "I had a, um reading for a play, just before I left New York" "It was for Charlie Morton's new play" "He liked me, he really did" "But, of course, they gave the part to the producer's new girlfriend" "They're idiots" "Anyway, this you know, she's probably gonna have to wear a wig" "Or if they try to colour that hair one more time, it'll turn green" "I need a Kleenex" "You have a Kleenex?" "No, you don't have a Kleenex" "What do you ask for in French, I don't know what to ask." "Well, I guess Kleenex" "They always understand Coca-Cola" "Baby?" "Hm?" "I don't wanna alarm you, but..." "You're covered with bugs" "What!" "You bastard!" "Deux café, s'il vous plaît" "It's out of order and it stinks" "I must have a bath" "I've got to have a bath" "It's a little bit cold" "Get my clothes hung up" "Get 'em pressed." "Look at the state they're in" "We look like a couple of tramps" "We must find another hotel." "And a clean one" "I want to find a good hotel as soon as they're open." "What time are they open around here, anyway?" "Seven or eight." "How much money have you got left?" "What the hell are you doing?" "You trying to get us thrown out of here?" "Thank you, tres bien, merci." "Wait, I have to take a bath." "Wait." "Oh yeah." "Uh uh!" "Your bath is running." "Isn't it good to be clean again?" "How much money have you got left?" "Oh, I've got enough for tonight." "Oh no!" "Uh uh, no." "Oh, no." "When I realise that she's gone, perhaps gone forever  agreatvoidopensup,andIfeelthat I'm falling into deep, black space" "And this is worse than tears, deeper than regret, or pain, sorrow" "It is the abyss into which Satan was plunged." "There's no climbing back, no ray of light no sound or human voice, or human touch of hand" "How many thousand times walking through the streets at night  have I wondered if a day would ever come again when she would be at my side?" "All those yearning looks I bestowed on the buildings and statues" "I'd looked at them so hungrily, so desperately, that by now  my thoughts must've become a part of the very buildings and statues." "They must be saturated with my anguish." "I could not help but reflect, also, that when we'd walked side by side through these mournful dingy streets now saturated with my dream and longing that she's observed nothing, felt nothing." "They were like any streets to her, a little more sordid, perhaps, and that is all." "I became reconciled to this life without her  and yet if I thought about her only for a minute it was enough to pierce the bone and marrow of my contentment and shove me back again into the agonising gutter of my wretched past." "Somehow the realisation that nothing was to be hoped for  had a salutary effect on me" "And then it occurred to me, like a flash, that no-one would refuse a man a meal if only he had the courage to demand it." "I went immediately to a café and wrote a dozen letters" ""Would you let me have dinner with you once a week?"" ""Tell me what day is most convenient for you."" "It worked like a charm!" "I was not only fed, I was feasted." "Every night I went home drunk." "And now I could afford to scratch off the ones who were a pain the ass." "You see?" "I calculated your share of the actual cost of last Tuesday's meal." "Not counting the half bottle of wine you knocked off the table." "Won't you be late for class?" "It comes to 12 francs, 63 centimes." "bringing the total to 1,340.01 exactly." "We're not asking him to pay us back." "I know, I know, but it's just very interesting!" "Hey!" "Hi, come on in!" "One by one I fucked myself out of all those free dinners" "The wives turned against me" "Or the husbands." "Tania, darling?" "When's dinner?" "I'm just finishing my practise, darling." "We'll have to stop this now, he's home again." "Darling, I think the potatoes are burning." "I'll be there in just a second, darling!" "Ah, there we are, darlings" "Now, give Henry a large helping, Sylvester, he's building up" "How was New York?" "Oh, terrible" "New York is dreadful, you know that" "All those phonies" "But we're set for a February opening" "And Craig St.Que will direct" "It's good." "Jolly good" "What's next?" "Well, there's a work-in-progress, naturally" "I like to call it that" "You know, if he finishes a play in the morning and there's still an hour or two before lunch" "He puts a new sheet of paper in the typewriter and starts right off on a new one" "That's how to be a writer" "More Henry, or you've had enough?" "I think I can take a little more" "Give Henry some more, Sylvester" "But, you know, he's fantastic!" "He never talks about it" "But when he sits down to write, it just rolls out of him" "I believe it" "You smile at me so confidently, so calculatingly" "I'm flattering the ass off you, can't you tell?" "And I believe this wine is corky" "I thought that was only supposed to happen in the States" "While I listen to your crap, she's got her hand on me" "But you don't see that" "Yeah, it's in the kichen." "Henry?" "Why don't you nip out, and bring in a couple of bottles, huh?" "It's on the top shelf" "Henry, you fool" "So now I'm the only one left who'll cough up the weekly dinner" "Two cognacs, please" "Yeah, well, uh..." "I didn't know Sylvester was so hyper-sensitive" "Ah, Tania!" "It was worth it!" "So, what're you gonna do now?" "Jeez, I don't know" "Yeah, that's Fillmore" "Maybe he's got a spare bed" "Doesn't look like it tonight" "Princess, princess, don't be mad" "I won't move my hips anymore" "You speak too much." "Too loud" "And you speak nonsense!" "My nervous, my nervous!" "Please give me some champagne" "It's the only thing for my temperament" "A champagne, please" "Oh, hi Joe, hi Joe" "Hi Joe" "Fellas?" "I want you to meet the Princess Macha" "She's royal, you know" "Fillmore?" "Can I use your sofa tonight?" "No, you cannot use the sofa tonight" "What are you whispering for?" "You want me not to hear?" "Why should your friend not sleep at your apartment tonight?" "The poor fellow" "You think he gets me there to make love?" "I don't blame you" "You should see me when I'm undressed" "I'm very beautiful" "But a princess of the blood royale is not to be bought for a few miserable bottles of champagne" "And the caviar" "Oh la la" "It's, uh...the royal temperament, huh?" "But you won't enjoy it" "I warn you" "Oh, Princess" "You let me be the judge of that, huh?" "Alright" "Princess" "Did I tell you I have the clap?" "The clap?" "!" "And what are you making a fuss for?" "It's only gonorrhoea" "Only gonorrhoea?" "!" "Oh, Americans" "They have no manners at all!" "What's that?" "It's me, Henry" "Joe from the bar" "Joe from the bar" "These blankets are no good." "I'm so cold" "Come here and warm me a little" "Right away, your Highness" "I wouldn't, if I were you" "You didn't give her a key, did you?" "Yes" "Alright" "You poor shy boys" "I go to take a little coffee now" "So, you can get dressed" "Money!" "Just a little 10 franc note" "I see you later" "But what a charming place you have" "I'm going to like it here" "Bye bye" "You grab the door" "I'm going to get the lock changed" "Peckover!" "You live around here?" "No, I work days, too" "Didn't you know?" "Dentist office up the street" "To pay off this set of teeth they made for me" "Hey, don't you read proof the paper anymore?" "Why?" "What have you heard?" "About what?" "Well, I know you're hanging around with Carl and Van Norden" "Did they say anything?" "They didn't say anything" "That boss of mine" "He balls the piss out of me if I miss a semi-colon" "Yeah?" "Maybe he needs more help" "I'm a great semi-colon spotter" "Well, uh, is there a list I can put my name on?" "For future consideration" "Yeah, put it on there" "I'll see it gets on the applications list" "Thanks" "Thanks a lot" "Well, here take a look at these ads, maybe you'll find something good on there" "If you do, you'll be way ahead of everybody else in Paris" "Hey." "How about this one?" "American needed for teaching in Dijon under international exchange agreement" "Room and board" "What's the salary?" "There's no mention of money." "It's, uh..." ""Your contribution to Franco- American amity."" "It's a roof over the head, and food" "Bon Soir, Monsieur." "Je suis le professor American" "Entrer" "Oh, brother!" "Good night, Monsieur Miller" "Ah, good night, Monsieur Le Censeur" "Pray, consider yourself welcomed among our walls." "I observe you're astounded, to be listen of English spoke" "It is myself that have 'til now instruct the pupils in this language" "But a man occupied as myself have no more for such" "You, Monsieur Miller, henceforth shall talk the English conversation to the boys" "I, uh, my best will do to follow up your good work" "Monsieur Le Censeur" "It is a class in the morning at eight of the clock" "You are speaking French, I hope?" "Well, a little." "Un tout petit peu" "Un tout petit peu" "Un tout petit peu" "Peu" "Peu" "Excellent" "Your predecessor was not gifted with the tongue" "He was not capable to follow my work" "Also he did not exercise himself to inform us about his departure" "He go, uh over the wall" "Couldn't he have just gone through the door?" "The door is locked by key" "Each night, at ten" "To avoid the infiltration of women" "A contingency at all costs to be avoided" "Exactement" "Now, back to our businesses" "Thus, your personal fire for a week" "Also, there is in supplementation two measures of coal, in bucket" "Paper must by yourself be found" "I for it will start looking at once" "Yes." "In times you do not converse with the boys, you are at liberty" "The town of Dijon is yours" "Amuse yourself goodly" "A tout alors, Monsieur Miller" "Your continuing good health, Monsieur Le Censeur" "Oh, Tania..." "Where now is that warm cunt of yours?" "Those fat heavy garters, those soft bulging thighs" "There's a bone in my prick, six inches long" "Hell, I'll ream out every wrinkle in your cunt, Tania" "Big with seed, I'll send you home to your Sylvester  with an ache in your belly and your womb turned inside out" "Your Sylvester, yes he knows how to build a fire but I know how to inflame a cunt" "Tania, I make your ovaries incandescent" "Sylvester's a little jealous now." "He feels something" "He feels the remnants of my big prick" "But I've set the shores a little wider" "Ironed out the wrinkles" "After me you can take on stallions" "Bulls, rams, drakes, St. Bernards" "You can stuff toads, bats, lizards up your rectum" "You can shit arpeggios if you like" "Or string a zither across your navel" "I am fucking you, Tania, so that you'll stay fucked" "And if you're afraid of being fucked publicly, I'll fuck you privately" "I'll tear off a few hairs from your cunt  and paste them on Boris's chin" "I will bite into your clitoris and spit out two franc pieces." "Good morning, boys, I'm your new professor" "Good morning, Monsieur Professor" "Now what shall we talk about?" "Anybody have anything they want to talk about?" "Poor kids!" "Our first subject is the physiology of..." "Love" "Let's consider how the elephants make love" "Pachyderms" "Although they're pretty heavily built" "They get pretty spry when a male gets a bone on" "A bone?" "Uh, some animals have bones in their penis" "Hence this expression..." "A...bone...on." "Now, happily, according to Gourmont" "This bony structure is lost in man" "Now, think what would happen if you had half the human race walking around with a bone on" "Good morning, boys" "Good morning, Monsieur Professor" "Right." "Sit down" "Today, we agreed, was "question day"" "Fire away, ask anything at all" "We'll answer all questions, but one at a time" "Yesterday, you was telling us about the whale" "Yeah." "This noble beast" "Has a penis two metres long" "That's quite true my boy, and that's only in repose" "And the kangaroo have two?" "That's quite right." "It's a double penis" "It's one for weekdays and one for Sundays" "Music was the least of my worries" "I didn't even think of cunt so dismal, so chill, so barren, so grey was it all" "Un telegram, Monsieur" "Paris" "Indianpearlmerchantwantslowlife guide to Paris." "Stop." "How about it, Fillmore!" "When's the next train to Paris?" "Monsieur?" "Le prochain train, oh never mind" "Merci, merci" "No, he go...over the wall" "In the fullness of night he disappeared" "Fillmore, my all, my saviour" "Get in here and sit down" "Well, where's the pearl merchant?" "Am I ready to take him to the haunts of coot, fern, and fornication?" "Well, it's not the old merchant himself" "It's his only nephew" "What's he looking for in Paris?" "Well as far as I can tell, his wants are simple" "Don't you worry though, the old boy's paying for his "education"" "For God's sake, Ranjid, you can't jump them in the street." "Let's wait 'til we get to Miss Hamilton" "This is it, let me tell you this is really a refined, high-class joint" "Hello, baby" "Hello?" "Take your pick, you get your choice" "You'll feel better when you've had a drink" "Ladies?" "I'll take this one" "You have good taste, Monsieur" "I am sure you will be very happy together" "What?" "No, you can't, they'll be offended" "If you wish." "Let us have rooms next door, huh?" "If you must" "Yes?" "!" "Henry?" "The young lady has gone for her toilet but where can I go?" "Quick, quick!" "Tell me before she comes back!" "Use the bidet, for Christ's sake!" "Thank you!" "Oh Madam, I do beg of you" "Have you no shame?" "You are responsible, to bring a savage to Miss Hamilton!" "One of the most distinguished bordel of Paris" "Hey man, what'd you do?" "What did he do?" "!" "Honey, I show you what he do." "Come with me!" "Voila!" "Régal your eyes on that!" "Oh, brother" "You shouldn't have told me to" "I didn't know it wouldn't go down" "I asked you where to go and you told me to use that" "Come along." "Let us get out of here" "For the femme de chambre" "I would like to get out of here" "Would you like to try another place?" "Oh, no, no." "For some reason or other, man looks for the miracle" "And to accomplish it he will wade through blood" "He will debauch himself with ideas he will reduce himself to a shadow" "If only for one second of his life he can close his eyes to the hideousness of reality" "Everything is endured" "Disgrace, humiliation" "Poverty, war, crime, ennui" "And the belief that, overnight something will occur" "A miracle which will render life tolerable" "So I think what a miracle it would be if at the last moment when the banquet table is set, and the cymbals clash there should appear, suddenly, and wholly without warning a silver platter, on which even the blind could see" "that there's nothing more and nothing less than two enormous lumps of shit" "When I look down into this fucked-out cunt of a whore" "I feel the whole world beneath me aworldtotteringand crumbling" "Aworldusedupandpolished like a leper's skull" "If there were a man who dared to say all that he thought of this world" "There would not be left him a square foot of ground to stand on" "When a man appears  the world bears down on him and breaks his back" "There are always too many rotten pillars left standing  for man to bloom" "The superstructure is a lie" "And the foundation is a huge, quaking fear" "And if at intervals of centuries there does appear a man with a desperate, hungry look in his eyes" "A man who would turn the world upside down  in order to create a new race" "The love that he brings to the world is turned to bile." "Wait, wait!" "I found them, I found them!" "What the hell are you doing?" "What's going on?" "Stupid bastards wouldn't stop." "Look." "Poor old Peckover fell down the elevator shaft" "Eight storeys" "They found him crawling around, crying, looking for these" "He couldn't think about anything else" "He hasn't finished paying for them yet" "And they're quarrelling about who's going to write the obituary" "I think you're next in line for his job!" "Hey hey, get up here!" "What's all this?" "Don't worry, my dear, they're friends of mine" "First paycheck in four months" "Here's to Peckover, he'd have liked this" "Thanks to us, he died with his teeth in" "To Peckover" "To Peckover" "Now, let's have another bottle of wine!" "Oh no!" "Look at my dress, you stupid" "Now you know not to laugh at French women!" "Spirited girl" "Yeah" "I'd better follow her" "But why?" "Because I gave her the key to my place, that's why" "And if I don't apologise she'll be waiting with a broken bottle" "See you later, Joe" "You know what I love most about Fillmore?" "His absolute refusal to learn from experience" "Llona, now, she had a cunt" "I know because she sent us some hairs from down below" "Llona a wild ass snuffing pleasure out of the wind" "On every high hill, she played the harlot" "And sometimes in telephone booths, and toilets" "She used candles" "Roman candles and doorknobs" "Not a prick in the land big enough for her, not one" "Men went inside her and curled up" "She wanted extension pricks, self-exploding rockets hot boiling oil made of wax and creosote" "She'd cut off your prick and keep it inside her forever if you gave her permission" "One cunt out of a million" "Llona" "All cunt, and a glass ass  in which you could read the history of the Middle Ages" "How lucky you are to be able to afford the good things of life" "All the bad things happen to me" "First, my little baby and now my mother is at home, very ill" "And there's a doctor to pay, medicines to be bought" "I'm always in difficulties for money" "Why don't you come over to my hotel, and you can tell me all about it" "Oh, I couldn't do that." "I have to look after my mother" "You could come home with me" "I have an apartment to myself" "It will be peaceful" "Ok, let's go" "I gotta warn you, I only got 50 francs 50 francs!" "Come on, you're surely joking with me" "Bye." "I made a mistake" "You certainly have made a mistake" "Ecouter cherie" "Be reasonable" "Ok." "I'll be nice to you, you'll see" "You were lying to me, then" "Yeah, I was just lying to you" "Taxi!" "My god, this place is in such a state, this mother...has been sick" "I can't find anything when I want it" "No, don't sit there" "Come over here, cherie" "Oh, this dress." "The zip always sticks" "Can you?" "Never mind." "I've done it myself" "Now, what are you waiting there for?" "Hurry up and get undressed" "Have you seen my diploma on the wall?" "First-class honours." "Mama had it framed for me" "Come on, get undressed, I think you should hurry, you know" "Where's my...mother disappeared to?" "I must go to see mother, just a moment" "You can have a bath, if you like, I'll be back in a few minutes" "She's going to die!" "She's going to die!" "Oh dear, dear!" "If only I had the money for the doctor" "Oh yeah, the money" "Will you please take this for your mother?" "You're very kind" "But...the doctor is very expensive" "Yes, things are rough all over" "Ah, you're right" "Come on, move over" "Oh, darling!" "I'm dying for you" "I warn you" "Yes, again, it's so beautiful" "Will you slow down?" "Where's the fire?" "Here, here!" "Take it easy" "Where's your mother?" "Is she downstairs?" "I must go and see mother!" "Germaine was different" "There was nothing to tell me so from her appearance" "But I'd noticed her verging toward me with that curious trot-about air of a whore and the run-down heels  cheap jewelry and the pasty look of their kind" "In a few minutes, we were in a 5 franc room on the Rue Amelot the curtains drawn and the covers thrown back" "But she didn't rush things, Germaine" "She sat on the bidet soaping herself and talked to me pleasantly about this and that" "As she stood up to dry herself still talking to me pleasantly suddenly, she dropped her towel and advancing toward me leisurely she commenced rubbing her pussy affectionately stroking it with her two hands, caressing it, patting it" "There was something about her eloquence at that moment in the way she thrust that rosebush under my nose which remains unforgettable she spoke of it as if it were some extraneous object which she had acquired at great cost an object whose value had increased with time" "and which now she prized above everything in the world" "Her words imbued it with a peculiar fragrance" "It was no longer just her private organ, but a treasure a magic, potent treasure, a God-given thing and none the less so because she traded it day in, day out, for a few pieces of silver" "As she flung herself on the bed, with legs spread wide apart she cupped it with her hands and stroked it some more murmuring all the while in that hoarse, cracked voice of hers that it was good" "Beautiful" "A treasure, a little treasure" "And it was good, that little pussy of hers" "That Sunday afternoon, with its poisonous breath of spring in the air everything clicked again" "As we stepped out of the hotel" "I looked her over again in the harsh light of day and I saw clearly what a whore she was the gold teeth, the rundown heels, etc., etc." "Even the fact that she had wormed a dinner out of me and cigarettes and taxi hadn't the least disturbing effect upon me" "I encouraged it, in fact" "I liked her so well that after dinner we went back to the hotel again and took another shot at it" ""Forlove,"thistime" "And again that big, bushy thing of hers worked its bloom and magic" "It began to have an independent existence – for me, too" "There was Germaine and there was that rosebush of hers" "I liked them separately and I liked them together" "I don't think this earthy stuff is going over too well with Irene" "I think she's kind of an ethereal cunt" "Ethereal or not she's rich, she should be worth a little effort at letter writing" "Go on, now, where were we?" "Rabelais..." ""You send me golden apples, Irene, dear..."" ""...and gifts of shaggy chestnuts, too"" "She hasn't given you anything, has she?" "No" "But I like that word: "shaggy"" ""But if you follow them..."" ""...the choicest gift you brought would be just you"" "You know, you say that like you mean it?" "Let's hit her with a little dash of Keats" ""Irene!" "Peerless nymph!"" ""Why fear such tenderness as mine?"" "Now, wait a minute, this is the real clincher" ""Oh, let me have thee whole, all, all be mine..."" ""...those hands, those eyes, divine..."" ""...that warm, white, lucent, million-pleasured breast."" "Jesus, that'll do it!" "Let's pepper it up a bit" "No, no, that's too morbid" ""Breathes there, man..."" ""...with soul so dead..."" ""...who to himself hath never said..."" ""...when I see Irene, I think of bed."" "Oh, it's not the same class!" "Besides, it's too pushy" "We've got to bring this to a delicate conclusion" "Well, not too delicate, it's about getting laid, you know" "If the lady's any good at all it's never far from her mind" "All you have to do is let her know that you know what she's thinking about" "Did you pay your rent?" "It's from her" "It's from Irene" "Well?" "A rendezvous" "Christ, you think she's watching us?" "Come on, Carl, she's not gonna eat you" "Wish you hadn't said that." "Crude bastard" "I can't go in yet!" "What's the time?" "I'm two minutes early!" "Alright, alright, let's take a walk around the block" "Press button '2'" ""The rescue team's been working throughout the night..."" ""...in an effort to reach the 12 miners trapped since last Tuesday..."" ""...in the Alsatian mining disaster."" ""Investigation in the cause of disaster has revealed..."" ""...that the collapse was due to faulty..." "tit props?"" ""..." "Pit props."" ""Messages of consolation have arrived from the government..."" "I'll bet" "Yeah" "Henry, it's Carl" "Look, Henry..." "Fill in for me at the office, will you?" "Tell the bastard I'm...anything" "Tell him I'm dying!" "Ok, Carl" "What's happening?" "Hello?" "Are you Henry Miller?" "How are you?" "You sound so nice" "Hello, Joe?" "She likes you" "I told her all about you" "How we call each other "Joe"" "She wants us to call her "Joe" too" "Talk to you later, Henry" "Ah, you son of a bitch" "Help me read through these stock prices" "What happened to Carl?" "He says he's dying" "Oh, so he's dying, is he, the little prick?" "Come on, give me the low-down on this whole thing, huh?" "He went to visit his rich cunt" "He actually went to call her?" "Where's she live?" "Come on, you seem like a decent guy." "Let me in on this racket!" "It's not a racket" "What do you mean?" "A little prick like that slips off to lay a rich, beautiful hungry cunt, and you say there's no racket?" "Come on, come on!" "Will you calm down, I'll tell you everything as soon as Carl gives me the details, ok?" "I like Van Norden but I don't agree with his opinion of himself" "He's not a writer, he's just cunt-struck, that's all" "Come on, Carl, you're hanging me up." "Don't torture me, do it later" "Now, tell me, was it good or was it bad?" "Wait." "I'm gonna tell you everything" "That means it was a failure" "No." "It wasn't a failure" "And it wasn't a success, either" "You know?" "It's pretty strange" "To think of all those letters we wrote her" "And then to find that..." "Well...she was in her dressing gown" "There was a bottle of champagne on the dresser" "The room was pretty dark" "Curtains drawn, not much light" "But her voice was lovely" "I know that, go on!" "It must've been 9 o'clock because I remember I looked at my watch to check" "Well, the next time I looked at my watch it was 10 o'clock" "She was lying on the divan with her boobies in her hands" "At 11 o'clock it was all settled" "We were going to run away, to Borneo!" "Didn't she have a husband or something?" "Ah, fuck the husband, she never loved him anyway" "She never would've written that first letter if the husband hadn't been old and passionless" "And when she says to me..." ""...but listen dear"" ""How do I know you won't grow tired of me?"" "Ah, what'd you say?" "What do you expect me to say?" ""How could anyone ever grow tired of you?"" "Carl, you're the cutest, what happened then?" "I don't know..." "Oh, I kissed her breasts a lot, she seemed to go for that" "But then I got sort of tired of them staring me in the face" "So I stuffed them back in her corsage, or whatever they call those things" "Wasn't that a step backwards?" "No!" "They get hotter if they think you're cooling off" "So, then we had another coupe of champagne" "Ah, there I was, all the time sitting with my semi-colons wondering whether I could afford to go the can for five minutes" "And I'm dying to take a leak!" "I had one hard-on" "But it faded out" "I grab hold of her hand" "I pull her to her feet, and I start walking her to the door" "I tell her I love her, I adore her" "I'll go anywhere she says, Istanbul, Singapore, you name it ...only just now I must go, it's getting late" "Carl, you didn't even tell me whether she's beautiful" "A woman with a voice like that?" "When I talked to her on the phone, I was stunned" "I wanted to say one true thing to her, no matter how silly after all that crap we wrote her" "Was she beautiful?" "She had a streak of grey hair across her forehead" "I remember that" "You see, I'd almost forgotten it" "But it was her arms" "They were thin" "They were thin, and brittle" "If she wrote me ten years younger, I might overlook the streak of grey hair" "And even the brittle arms" "But she's too old" "You see with a cunt like that every year counts now" "She won't just be one year older next year she'll be ten years older" "In another year, she'll be twenty years older" "I'll be getting younger looking all the time" "At least for another five years" "How did it end?" "That's just it, it didn't end" "I promised to meet her Tuesday" "Oh, and that's not all" "I promised to write her a letter in the meantime" "How am I going to write her a letter now?" "I haven't got anything to say" "Oh, shit" "If she were only ten years younger" "Listen..." "Do you think I ought to go with her?" "To Borneo, or wherever it is she wants to take me?" "I don't know how to shoot" "I'm afraid of guns and all that sort of thing" "Besides, she'll want me to fuck her night and day" "Nothing but humping and fucking all the time" "I can't do it!" "She said she was turning forty" "That means fifty" "Or sixty" "It'd be like fucking your own mother" "Well, she must've had something, you were kissing her breasts, for Christ's sake" "Kissing her breasts, what's that?" "Besides it was dark, I'm telling you" "Look at that." "It's coming apart, the goddamn suit" "I'm coming apart" "Irene is certainly coming apart" "You can forgive a young cunt anything" "She doesn't have to have any brains" "They're better off without any brains" "But an old cunt..." "See, an old cunt, even if she's brilliant" "Even if she's the most charming woman in the world nothing makes any difference" "A young cunt is an investment" "An old cunt is a dead loss" "All they can do for you is buy you things" "With you, it's different" "You don't have to lay her, you can afford to like her" "Maybe you would like her!" "Listen, if she's rich I'll like her, I don't care how old she is" "As long as she's not a hag" "She's not a hag" "What are you talking about?" "If that's how it is, I'll fuck her" "Ah, if you don't want to." "Tell her that." "You be subtle about it, though" "Perhaps..." "We'll go to Borneo together" "I don't know how to shoot either, that doesn't matter, we'll" "We'll drive, we'll hunt, wear nice things" "You know if we go to Borneo" "I won't have hemorrhoids anymore" "Maybe I'll develop something else" "Something worse" "Cholera, do you think?" "Ah listen, it's better to die of a good disease like that, than to piss your life away on a newspaper, with grapes up your ass and buttons falling off your pants" "What would you rather do?" "Be a cripple all your life or have a job?" "Or marry a rich cunt?" "Ah, you'd rather marry a rich cunt, I can see that" "Supposing you married her and then you couldn't get a hard-on anymore?" "Oh, that happens sometimes!" "What would you do then?" "No, the best thing would be to marry her and then get a good disease right away" "You wouldn't have to worry about laying her and you wouldn't have to worry about the rent either!" "That's the best solution for a writer" "Listen..." "All I want is a good wheelchair and three meals a day" "Then I'd give them something to read, those pricks" "Well." "What happened to you?" "You should've stayed around for a Pernod" "Carl talked about that dame, Irene, for two solid hours" "I could use a Pernod now" "I was out looking for Fillmore" "Fillmore's been taken to a funny farm outside Paris" "I wonder if that guy's putting us on?" "That girlfriend of his gave me the address" "It's around somewhere" "But Carl now" "That guy's an artist" "He described every detail, minutely" "He gave it to me with such accuracy" "I know the whole goddamn thing is a lie" "But I can't get it out of my mind" "You know how my mind works" "He told you the whole story, didn't he?" "What do you think, you think he made it up?" "I think he invented the whole thing just to torture me" "I don't care about that" "I don't care if the whole thing is a lie from start to finish it's the images that get me" "I didn't sleep a wink for thinking of it." "No?" "Yeah" "Just like that guy to tell me he put it to her six or seven times" "Yeah, well that's a lot of shit" "The way he tells me, that she rented a carriage and drove him to the Bois and used her husband's fur coat for a blanket?" "That's too much!" "I suppose he told you about the chauffeur how the chauffeur waited patiently?" "And, listen did he tell about how the motor purred all the time?" "He's such a cute little liar, you can't walk away from him" "You know, I don't understand how a guy writes letters like that" "I don't get the mentality behind it" "I think it's a kind of masturbation, what do you think?" "I suppose he told you the whole thing, huh?" "Did he tell you about, how he stood in the moonlight on the balcony and he kissed her?" "Yeah" "But the way that boy described it" "I can just see that little prick standing there with his arms around a woman" "And already he's writing her another one of those letters" "About the rooftops and all that crap he steals from his French authors" "That guy never said a thing that's original, I found that out" "But you have to get a clue to whom he's been reading lately" "And that's damn hard to do because he's so damn secretive" "It's the way he tells it to me" "You know how he embroiders things" "After that scene on the balcony, you know he sort of gives me that like an hors d'ouvres" "Well, after that scene on the balcony so he says, they went inside and he unbuttoned her pyjamas" "What're you smiling for, was he shitting me about that?" "No, he told me just the same way you're telling me" "Oh." "Well, after that, he says" "She sitting in a chair, with her legs up, not a stitch on" "He's down on the floor looking up at her and telling her how beautiful she is" "Did he tell you how she looked like a Matisse?" "What I'm getting at, is that moment when he said he was down on his knees and with his two skinny little fingers he spreads her cunt open." "Remember that?" "He said she was sitting there in the chair with her legs dangling over the edge when he suddenly gets this inspiration" "You know, that's after he's already given her a couple of lays and given her a little spiel about the Matisse, but now, get this with these two fingers, just the tips of them, mind you" "he spread the little petals open" "Squish, squish" "Just like that, a little sticky sound, almost inaudible" "Squish, squish" "Jesus, I've been hearing it all day" "And then, if that wasn't enough for me, he said he buried his head in her muff" "And then, by Christ, if she doesn't swing her legs around his neck!" "When he told me that, oh boy, that finished me" "Can you imagine?" "A fine sensitive woman like that swinging her legs around his neck" "It's poisonous!" "It's so fantastic it's almost believable" "Sounds pretty incredible" "Still, you never can tell with a little prick like that" "I suppose anything can happen" "Maybe he didn't fuck her at all" "Maybe she just let him diddle her?" "Well, you never can tell with these rich cunts you know, what they might expect you to do" "Well, I better go see Fillmore" "It's all over, Joe" "They say I'm crazy" "Fuck 'em" "They say I may have syphilis too" "They say I've got delusions of grandeur" "What did they put me in this expensive room for, huh?" "Why don't they put me in the ward?" "Or in the bughouse!" "I can't afford this" "I'm down to my last 500 dollars" "That's why they got you here, pal" "When you run out of dough, they'll move you out of here quick enough, don't worry about it" "Here, hold onto these for me" "They'll rob me of everything I've got" "I know" "I know you think I'm crazy, but I want to atone for what I did" "I want to get married" "I didn't know I had the clap!" "See, I gave her the clap, and I knocked her up" "I don't care what happens, but I'm going to marry her first" "He keeps telling me to wait until I get better" "But I'm not going to get better, Joe, this is the end" "Come on, Joe" "I'm dying, Joe" "And Ginette?" "Who's gonna take care of her?" "Who's gonna take care of her after I'm gone?" "After you're gone?" "You can take care of her" "You're healthy" "Joe?" "Would you take care of her?" "Ah, easy boy, easy" "Would you?" "For me" "Where does she live?" "You're a good guy, Joe" "That's right, I am." "Where's she living?" "Somewhere in the sixth floor" "Everyone in Paris lives on the sixth or seventh floor so by the time you get up there, you're incapable" "They're all in on it" "Yeah" "Sixth floor." "Where?" "365 Rue La Bos" "Ok, look" "I'll find the girl, hold her hand, explain everything" "Now don't worry about anything." "just lay back, eat your oranges you know they might be charging you rent for them" "Ginette?" "Sit down, please" "And you think he keeps his position when he leaves hospital?" "Oh, his job you mean." "I suppose so" "You speak good English, Ginette" "We were pulled together by common tongues" "That must've been nice" "But I beg of you, tell me what you think" "Jo-Jo want to marry me, he say that" "But if he does not you know, a young girl, in a delicate condition" "And with the other thing, besides" "If he leaves me, what I'm going to do?" "There" "Fillmore is a perfect gentleman" "He's thinking about you all the time" "I'm certain he's gonna stand by you" "I'll be the godfather to the child, how's that?" "Oh, you are so good" "All the same are you certain you want this child?" "If you have this condition you spoke of, it might be born blind" "Don't say such things!" "It doesn't make any difference to me" "I want a child of my Jo-Jo" "Are you alright?" "Oh yes" "I was thinking of Jo-Jo and me in the bed" "How we did fight" "You know, he likes to fight with me" "He was a brute!" "Oh, do you want some cheese?" "Here is my friend, Yvette" "Monsieur Henry, the friend of Jo-Jo" "Enchanté, monsieur" "Yvette makes a job of national importance" "She is a spy for the police" "Oh god" "Come on, what does she actually do?" "I regulate the inspection of the ladies" "Sounds like pretty essential work" "I take you to work in taxi" "I just change my robe, and I come with you" "Ginette is a whore" "And she has no baby, neither" "Maybe she has the clap, yes, but she isn't pregnant" "Well why the hell does she want to marry him?" "Does she love him?" "She wants someone to take care of her" "No frenchman would marry her, she has a long police record" "But if she can marry a rich American...!" "Henry?" "You write your address and leave it on the table" "I'm with you in a moment" "There's the address." "I've got a bed at Boris's" "Good morning" "Who are you?" "Hands off, Joe." "Elsa's staying a few days to lend tone to the business" "She's gonna show people in when they come to see the apartment" "You want some breakfast?" "I have some hot croissant and jam" "Now, don't give him breakfast, it'll encourage him to stay" "He's been here long enough" "Why don't you move in with Fillmore again?" "I hear they let him out of the nut-hatch" "Fillmore will probably be living with Ginette and I wouldn't want to disturb a happy couple" "That hasn't worried you up 'til now" "Straighten the place up a little" "Artistic disorder is ok but this is ridiculous" "He needs a woman" ""My..."" ""...dear..."" ""..." "Walter"" ""Today..."" ""...my heart..."" ""...is filled..."" ""...with sorrow"" "Lieber Got!" "What's happened to the world?" "Aw, let me help" "I have no luck, no luck never" "I try to write to my lover, so far away and what's happened?" "The typewriter jams" "Oh, poor girl, poor Elsa" "I am so sad." "So sad" "Ah, the Germans!" "They take you all over like an omnibus" "They give you indigestion" "In the same night, one cannot visit the morgue, the infirmary the zoo, the signs of the zodiac the limbos of philosophy, the caves of epistemology the arcana of Freud and Stekel." "On the merry-go-round one doesn't get anywhere whereas with the Germans, one can go from Vega to Lope de Vega all in one night and come away as foolish as Parsifal." "Always the same" "Always" "Men use me and cast me aside" "You know, if you can play the piano like this you should have better sense than to let yourself be tripped up by every guy with a big putz who just happened to come along" "But what can I do?" "I like it" "And this is the living room" "I can see that" "Henry" "Hey Fillmore, you old nut!" "They let him out, huh?" "Yeah, I'm fine now" "He looks good now, eh, my fiance?" "I see you're on the move again, huh?" "Yeah, Boris kicked me out" "I've gotta find a hotel tonight" "You know, unless I can find someplace to stay" "Ginette, why don't you go do some shopping." "Yeah, it'll be alright" "We'll be right there at the cafe, ok?" "Come on" "Have another, I don't care" "It's her father's money" "My job's gone and we're supposed to get married in a month or so" "Oh, once they get me properly in their clutches" "I'll be nothing but a slave" "Ok" "First you get married, then you get divorced" "Meanwhile she'll be dropping the kid" "Who's gonna take care of it, huh?" "Hey fella, some girls are naturally fat around the middle" "Yvette told me that Ginette's not pregnant" "What do you mean?" "I know she's gonna have a kid alright, I felt it kicking around inside of her" "That Yvette's a dirty little slut" "You see, Joe, I didn't want to admit this to you, but before I went to the hospital, I was putting out for Yvette too" "Then when the crack up came I couldn't" "I mean, I felt like I'd done enough for both of them, right?" "No, no, that Yvette's just..." "sore at me, that's all" "Boy, I wish it were true" "I could get out of this more easily" "They've got me by the balls now" "God, here she comes again" "That's ok, honey" "We're just having a little drink on your father" "Drink, my father?" "My father never drink!" "No honey, that's..." "He's trying to explain that the fact is your old man's paying for these drinks" "So, now I'm not understanding English, eh?" "Is that incredible?" "Pal, how do you work yourself into these situations?" "You're laughing" "You make fun of me" "You mock at your fiancée with strangers" "Ginette, don't be stupid" "How I stupid?" "!" "Ginette." "I want you to just" "Yeah, that'll teach you how to behave" "Come on" "Fuck you!" "Go home!" "Why?" "Today I awoke from a sound sleep with curses of joy on my lips with gibberish on my tongue, repeating to myself like a litany" ""Fay ce que vouldras!"" "Do anything, but let it produce joy" "Do anything, but let it yield ecstasy" "So much crowds into my head when I say this to myself" "Images, gay ones, terrible ones, maddening ones" "The wolf and the goat" "Syphilis with her wings outstretched  and the door of the womb always on the latch" "Always open, ready, like the tomb" "Lust, crime, holiness" "The lives of my adored ones" "The failures of my adored ones, the words they left behind them" "The words they left unfinished" "But...above all the ecstasy" "Hey!" "What's the matter with you?" "I have a half hour to go to the bank, and no more" "She keeps tabs on me" "Come on, let's have a drink." "Come on." "I just don't know what to do anymore" "You're gonna have to do something for me, Henry, I'm helpless" "She won't let me out of her sight!" "The French" "You know, I used to rave about them, but that was all literature" "I know what they're really like" "They're cruel, and mercenary, and mean" "There's no sympathy, no friendship" "The most selfish people on earth" "They think of nothing but money, money, money" "And so goddamn respectable and bourgouis, that's what drives me nuts" "Oh sure, I hate those puritanical bastards back home" "I hate them as much as you do, but I'm one of them myself" "I don't belong here" "I'm sick of it" "Look here, Fillmore" "What is it you really wanna do?" "I'd like to be home with my people" "I'd like to hear English spoken" "Listen, if that's what you really want to do, why don't you do it?" "Why don't you go?" "I'd go today" "Yes, by Jesus, I'd go today without even saying goodbye to her" "That money at the bank..." "Is that her Father's money or is it yours?" "That's mine" "My mother sent it to me" "I don't want any of her goddamn money" "Suppose we hop in a cab, we go right down there you check out every last cent" "This afternoon you hop a train to London" "In London, you catch the first boat for America" "You can't go back and get any of your things" "Let her keep them" "See, in that French mind of hers she'll never suspect you scooted off without bag or baggage" "No Frenchman would ever dream of doing a thing like that unless he's as cracked as you are" "Here." "That's every bit of it" "The closer you get to New York the more this'll seem just like a bad dream" "What are you gonna tell her?" "Don't worry about what I'm gonna tell her." "I'm gonna tell her" "The important thing is, how much you wanna give her?" "All of it" "Why give her anything?" "Oh Joe" "Ok, let's give her this French money" "That should hold her for a while" "How much is it?" "She has two or three thousand francs there, that's more than she deserves" "Christ, will you don't say that, Joe, please!" "I mean, it's a lousy, rotten deal I'm giving her, you know" "She'll never be able to go back to her parents" "Give it all to her, give her the whole damn thing, I don't care what it is" "Stop!" "Hey, you can't do that, it's too late" "You know what, you're gonna go get on that train" "You can't go back there now." "It's settled" "I just don't want her to kill herself, that's all" "Kill herself?" "!" "Not her" "As far as the money's concerned, don't worry" "Though I hate to give it to her, I'll go right to the Post Office and I'll telegraph it" "Here, send her a postcard, tell her you're sailing" "Tell her you love her, go on" "I'll see her tonight, don't worry, it's gonna be great, you'll see" "Hurry up, the train's leaving, let's go" "Henry!" "Bye, Henry!" "Bye!" "Cab!" "Suddenly it occurs to me that, if I want, I can go to America myself" "It's the first time the opportunity's ever presented itself" "My thoughts drift out toward the sea, toward the other side where, taking a last look back, I had seen the skyscrapers fading out in a flurry of snowflakes" "I see them looming up again, in the same ghostly way as when I left see the lights creeping through their ribs" "I see the whole city spread out, from Harlem to the Battery" "The streets choked with ants, the theatres empty" "I wonder, in a vague way, whatever happened to my wife" "After everything quietly sifted through my head a great peace came over me" "Here, where the river gently winds through the girdle of the hills lies a soil so saturated with the past" "That however far back the mind roams, one can never detach it from its human background" "Christ" "Before my eyes, there shimmers such a golden peace that only a neurotic could dream of turning his head away" "So quietly flows the Seine, that one hardly notices its presence" "It is always there, quiet and unobtrusive likea greatarteryrunningthrough the human body" "In the wonderful peace that falls over me it seems as if I'd climbed to the top of a high mountain" "For a little while I will be able to look around me to take in the meaning of the landscape" "Human beings make a strange fauna and flora" "From a distance, they appear negligible" "Close up, they're apt to appear ugly and malicious" "More than anything they need to be surrounded with sufficient space" "Space even more than time" "The sun is setting" "I feel this river flowing through me" "Its past, its ancient soil" "The changing climate" "The hills gently girdle it about" "Its course is fixed."