"(Distant train passes)" "Seven o'clock Friday, they bring the money out and walk to the van, here." "(Second boy) The butcher's shop's here, opposite the church." "(Third boy) Only two old geezers with all that money." "Who's doing the tyres?" "(First boy) We can hide anywhere in here." "(Air hisses)" "(Coughs)" "(Man) Wait!" "Hey!" "Oh, no, you don't!" " (Boy) Let go!" " Ah, you won't get that from me, chum!" "(Yells and bangs)" "No!" "You won't have it from me, boy!" "Right!" "Got it!" "(Whistle)" "(Rumpole) "But trailing clouds of glory do we come" ""From God, who is our home" ""Heaven lies about us in our infancy!" ""Shades of the prison-house begin to close" " "Around the growing Boy"" " Rumpole!" "You're not talking about your son, I hope!" "You're never referring to Nick." "What? "Shades of the prison-house begin to close"?" "No, not round our boy." "Not Nick." "Shades of the public-school house have closed round him." "The 1,000 quid-a-year remand home!" "He is breaking up this morning." "Ah!" "Shades of the prison-house begin to open up for the hols!" "Nick has to be met at Victoria at 11:15 and given lunch." "When he went back to school, you promised him a show." " You haven't forgotten?" " Of course I haven't!" "The only show I can offer is a robbery with violence, number two court at the Old Bailey." "Oh, I wish it was a murder!" "Nick so enjoyed my murders." "I must fly!" "Daddy gets so crotchety if anybody's late and he does love his visits!" "Our father who art in Horsham..." "Give the old sweetheart my regards." ""Old sweetheart" is hardly the way you used to refer to your Head of Chambers." "It's difficult to remember to call my Head of Chambers "Daddy"." "(Woman hollers) Tell Nick I'll be back in time to give him his supper!" "Your wish is my command!" "(Woman) Try not to make the kitchen look as if it's been bombed!" "I hear, oh, Master of the Blue Horizon!" "(Door slams)" "She Who Must Be Obeyed." "Ah!" "(Doors clank)" "Son!" " Dad!" " Hello, son!" "Got special permission to see you, you being a lad of tender years." "You've got to know the ropes here." " Mum all right, is she?" " Of course she is." "Come over here." "She's got your best jacket out the cleaners." "Take that off." "Now, remember, stand up straight, hands out of your pockets." "The red judge at the Old Bailey is called My Lord." "Don't call him Sir or Your Honour." "Don't show your ignorance." "Peanuts Molloy is giving evidence for the prosecution." "Don't worry." "Your brief will take care of him." "We got you the best there is." "Mr Rumpole?" "Remember, stand up straight and do what Mr Rumpole says." "Good luck!" "We're all out there." "The whole family's behind you." "Don't forget that tie!" "Yes, right you are, then!" "Oh, we've got your indecent-assault papers, Mr Erskine-Brown." "Really, Albert?" "I told you I wanted something civil." "I'm sick of crime." "A person who's sick of crime is sick of life!" "Mr Frobisher, you're doing your nuisance at Bloomsbury court." " Civil work!" "That's what I need." " It's marked not before two o'clock." "I can see that." "One has to hang about so to do a nuisance nowadays." "I shall go to the library, Albert, to look up some law." "Morning, Rumpole." " Hello, George!" " Coming to the library?" "The library?" "I'd rather spend the day in the morgue, old man!" " Anything for me?" " No, Mr Maclay." "Another day off for you!" "Ah!" "Your "dangerous and careless" is on the mantelpiece, Mr Hoskins." " No cheques, I suppose, Albert?" " Not today, Mr Hoskins." "Henry!" "Mr Tree?" "You want me at Clerkenwell Court with Mr Hoskins?" "We don't want you near any court!" "Not till we've learnt to clean our nails and shine our shoes of a morning." "You could make me a cup of instant." "(Mutters) I didn't go into law to make coffee!" "No!" "No cheques for me either." "You know the saying, "crime doesn't pay"." "Well, not for a very long time!" "Tony, if you're not busy, why don't you join me at the Bailey?" " You can take a note or something." " You wouldn't mind?" "I'd be grateful." "Where are we, Albert?" "The robbery's 11:30, court number two, before Everglade." " Mr Guthrie Featherstone against you." " Oh, aging me, Featherstone!" "Apparently!" "I had an all-night sitting down at the House last night." "Your robbery won't be much of a worry." "Oh, no, except perhaps to young Jim Timson." "Oh, Albert, Mrs Rumpole's gone down to see her father in... er..." "Horsham." "My aunt had a whore shop in Teasham!" " How is Wystan?" "Any better?" " No, just about the same, Uncle Tom." " And how's young Nicky?" " Oh, splendid." "Ah!" "Nick!" "Albert, he's breaking up today." "He'll need meeting at Victoria at 11:15 and if you bring him along, he can watch some of the robbery in number two." "Your son's going to be in the audience, is he?" "I'd better be brilliant." "I wouldn't bother." "It's his old dad he's come to see." "(Scornful laugh) Touché, Rumpole, Distinctement touché!" "(Rumpole) Better get down to the Bailey!" " I'll walk with you." "Won't you need a stretcher after an all-night sitting with the Gas-Mains Enabling Bill, or whatever?" " Tony, see you later on." " Oh, right." "(Frantic typing and phones ringing)" " You've been at this a while, Rumpole." " Oh, yes, quite a while." "(Rumpole huffs)" "You never thought of taking silk?" "What?" "Rumpole, QC?" "Not on your nelly!" "Rumpole "Queer Customer", that's what they'd be bound to call me." "You could, with your seniority." " (Man) Morning." " Morning!" "Oh, I dare say... if I played golf with the right judges, put up for Parliament." "They might make me an artificial silk or, at any rate, a nylon." "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot." "You did put up for Parliament." "Yes." " You've never thought of it?" " No, never!" "I have the honour to be an Old Bailey hack!" "That's quite enough for me." "Lord Attlee dies!" "(Rumpole) 'In Newgate Street the City Fathers 'a stately law court did decree, 'and... there it is." "'The dome and the blindfold lady." "'Yes, well, it's much better she doesn't see all that's going on." "'Complete with murals, marble statues 'and underground accommodation for some of the choicest villains in London." "'Terrible things go on here." "Horrifying things!" "'Why is it I never go through these portals without a thrill of pleasure, 'a slight tremble of excitement?" "'A slight tremble of excitement?" "'Why does it always seem a much jollier place than my flat in Gloucester Road, 'under the strict rule of She Who Must Be Obeyed?" "'" " Morning, Harry!" " Morning, gentlemen!" "I'll have to give up, I'll have to give up, you know." "Crocked up, I'm afraid!" "Oh, nonsense, Daddy, you'll go on for years!" "No, Hilda, no." "They'll have to start looking for another Head of Chambers." "Rumpole's the senior man, that is, apart from Uncle Tom and he doesn't really practise nowadays." "Your husband the senior man, how time flies!" "I recall when he was the junior man, my pupil." "You said he was the best youngster on bloodstains you'd ever known." "Rumpole?" "Oh, yes." "Your husband was pretty good on bloodstains." "Shaky, though, on the law of landlord and tenant." "What sort of practice has he now?" "Oh, he has a tremendously busy practice!" "Rumpole hardly stops." " He's in court today." " Which court?" " I believe today it's... the Old Bailey." " It's always the Old Bailey, isn't it?" " Most of the time." "I suppose so." " Not a frightfully good address!" "Not exactly the SW1 of the legal profession." "Rumpole only went to the Bailey today because he knows the family." "It seems they've got a young boy in trouble." " Son gone wrong?" " Mmm." "Very sad, that." "Especially if he comes of a really good family." "(Voices echo)" "(Rumpole) 'Ah, the Timsons, en famille in all their glory." "'It's like a school reunion." "I've never seen so many ex-clients at one go.'" " Mr Rumpole!" " Ah, Mr Bernard." " You're instructing me." " Always in a Timson case!" "Nothing but the best for the Timsons!" "Best solicitor, best barrister going." " Shall I do the honours?" " Yes, do." " Vi, my wife." " (Rumpole) 'I got Vi off on handling 'after the Croydon bank raid." "There was really no evidence.'" "(Fred) Uncle Cyril." " Long time..." " 'What was his last outing?" "'Carrying housebreaking instruments by night?" "'" "Uncle Dennis." "You remember Den, surely?" "(Rumpole) 'Oh, yes." "Conspiracy to forge log books.'" "And Den's Doris... (Rumpole) 'Could it have been receiving a vast quantity of stolen scampi?" "'Yes, acquitted by a majority.'" "Yours truly, Frederick Timson, father." "(Rumpole) 'We slipped up with Fred's last spot of bother." "I was away with flu.'" "Well, shall we all sit down?" "(Rumpole) 'Frobisher took over." "He got three years." "Must have just got out.'" "(Fred) Now you know the whole family, Mr Rumpole." "(Rumpole) 'A family to breed from, or the Bailey would go out of business.' ...from time to time!" "I'm sure you'll do your very best for young Jimbo." "He's a good boy." "Ever so good to me while Dad was away." "(Rumpole) 'Head of the family at 14, 'with Dad off on one of his regular visits to Her Majesty.'" "It's young Jim's first appearance, like, at the Bailey." "(Rumpole) 'His bar mitzvah!" "His first Communion.'" "All those other boys got clean away with it!" "Well, that's a bit of luck." "They can't be asked if Jimbo was one of the party." "The identification by the butcher is hopeless." "Would you have a photographic impression of a young hopeful that struck you on the skull with a cricket stump?" "All they've really got is Jim's alleged confession to Peanuts Molloy." " Peanuts Molloy!" "Little grass!" " Chalky White fit him up with that!" " Chalky?" " Chief Detective Inspector White." "Why would Inspector White want to fit up Jimbo?" " Because he's a Timson!" " Because he's the apple of our eye!" "Being as how he's the baby of the family." "Chalky'd fit up his mother if it'd get him a smile off his superintendent..." " Morning, Fred!" " Morning, Chief Inspector." " Morning, Mrs Timson." " Morning, Chief Inspector." "Mr Timson, I think we'll shift our ground." "Remove, good friends!" "(Rumpole) Now, then, Mr Timson, how exactly do you say Chief Inspector Chalky White fitted up your Jimbo?" " Which is the coffees?" " Ah, thank you, love." "Just for me." "All right?" "That's it." "Thank you." "He put that grass Peanuts into Jim's painting class in the remand home." "I see." "So, your Jimbo was supposed to pour out his heart to Peanuts." ""We..." Thank you." ""We planned to do the old blokes and snatch the takings."" "As if I'd raise Jim to talk like that!" "In the nick!" "The Timsons ain't stupid!" "His dad's always told him, say nothing to anyone inside." "Bound to be a grass." "That's right." "Fred's always brought him up proper, eh, Den?" " Just like he should be." " Especially the Molloys!" " The Molloys!" " They're noted grasses." "Always were." "The Molloys is beyond the pale." "Well known for it!" "Look, how did this?" "Hah!" "How did this family feud begin exactly?" "Peanuts' grandad." "He shot my father over the Streatham Co-op robbery." " Pre-war, that was." " Streatham Co-op?" "I believe I was in that." "There wasn't much honour shown among thieves." "Then you can understand." "No Timson has even spoke to a Molloy ever since." "You're sure Jimbo wouldn't say a word to Peanuts?" "I'd give you my word of honour!" "Ain't that good enough for you?" "No Timson would ever speak to a Molloy, not under any circumstances!" " No!" " No, never." " Me, speak to Peanuts?" " (Rumpole) Yes." "No Timson don't speak to no Molloy." "It's a point of honour, like." "Ever since the Streatham Co-op case, eh?" "Your grandfather?" " Dad told you about that?" " Yes, Dad told me." "He wouldn't let me speak to no Molloy." "He wouldn't put up with it, like." "Well, Jimbo... what's the defence?" "Well, I never done it." "That's an interesting defence." "Somewhat unusual, isn't it?" "For the Timsons." " I've got my alibi, ain't I?" " Ah, yes, your alibi." " Dad reckoned it was pretty good." " Yes." "Let's hear it again." "(Bernard and Jim) Straight after school..." ""Straight after school on that Friday, June 2nd, I went to tea at my Aunt Doris'" ""and arrived there at exactly half-past five." ""At six o'clock my Uncle Den came home from work, with my Uncle Cyril." ""At seven, when this alleged crime took place," ""I was sat round the TV with my aunty and two uncles." ""I well remember." "We was watching The Newcomers."" "(Rumpole) 'The family gave him that alibi." "'Clubbed together for it, like a new bicycle.'" " Thank you." " Thank you." "(Indictinct chatter)" " (Whispers) We can't use that alibi." " Why not?" "Well, you just think about it." "Call the aunties and uncles and cross-examine them on their records, the jury will see the lad comes from a family of villains who keep a cupboard full of alibis for all occasions." "Yes, of course you're right." "Of course, the infuriating thing about the alibi is it might even be true!" "(Indistinct murmurs)" "(Polite cough)" "(Judge) Mr Featherstone." "May it please you, My Lord." "Members of the jury, I appear in this case to prosecute." "The defendant is represented by my learned friend, Mr Horace Rumpole." "Mr... who did you say, Mr Featherstone?" "Er..." "Mr Rumpole, My Lord, R-U-M-P... (Rumpole) 'That's right, spell it out for him, old darling." "'Mr Justice Everglade, known to his few friends as Florrie, 'is a stranger to the Old Bailey." "'His father was Lord Chancellor at the time" "'Jim's grandfather was doing over the Streatham Co-op." "'Educated Winchester and Balliol." "'Cracks the Times crossword in the opening of an egg." "'Most happy with trust companies suing each other 'over "nice" points of the law." "'Here for a fortnight's slumming down the Old Bailey." "(Chuckles) 'Wonder what he'll make of Peanuts Molloy?" "'" "(Featherstone)... carrying their takings to a grey Austin van, parked in Fawcett Yard, just around the corner." "Members of the jury," "I think it only fair you should know that it is alleged that Timson took part in this attack with other youths, not so far arrested... (Rumpole) "'The boy stood on the burning deck..."'" "It is right that you should tell the jury, Mr Featherstone." "Perfectly proper." " If Your Lordship pleases." " (Rumpole) 'The old chums' league?" " 'Fellow members of the Athenaeum?" "'" " I'm most grateful to your Lordship... (Rumpole) 'Why not crawl up on the bench and black his boots?" "'" "So, I imagine the young man's defence is that he wasn't ejusdem generis with the other lads?" "I'm sorry, My Lord, you asked about the defence?" "Mr..." "Rumpole." "I am reluctant to intrude on your confidential conversation with my learned friend, My Lord, but as Jim Timson's counsel," "I thought that perhaps I might know a little more about his case than the counsel for the prosecution." "I imagine your client says he was not ejusdem generis with the others?" "Ejusdem generis, My Lord?" "Oh, yes, he's always saying that." "Ejusdem generis is a phrase in constant use in his part of Brixton." "(Voice hollers) Yes!" "(Usher) Silence!" " Well done, Dad!" " Thanks, Nick." "Lovely to see you." " Sorry I couldn't turn on a murder!" " That's all right." "Nevertheless, there is strong evidence against him." "(Polite coughs)" "Members of the jury, this case isn't based on any alleged confession to the police, or indeed to anyone in authority." "I shall be calling a young man, Molloy, of the same age as the defendant to whom, you will hear, he admitted his guilt in the clearest possible terms." " Not the easiest sort of case." " (Featherstone) This young man..." " Is that your client, Dad?" " Yes, in the dock." "As usual." " Oh, my client's invariably in the dock." " He ought to be in the fifth form." "(Featherstone)... and fell into conversation with Timson..." "Oh, dear!" "Old Florrie Everglade doesn't know his business, not giving us time to get a decent lunch!" " This is fine, honestly." " One thing you can say against crime, the restaurant facilities aren't up to much." " Did you want lunch in the Bar Mess?" " Not with you here!" "Never!" "I'd rather die than have lunch in the Bar Mess!" "It's like the prefects' room in a junior public school." "Oh!" "Not your prefects' room, of course!" " Talking about school..." " Mmm." " Um..." " What?" "Trouble?" " Bit of trouble, yes." " Let me tell you at once, there's no need to say a word that might be taken down and used in evidence." "You know the old vicarage opposite the school house?" "It's been empty for years." "It's falling to pieces." " You helped it fall?" " We used to get in, Sunday evenings." " Used it for parties." " "Get in"?" "How, exactly?" "The kitchen window." "Didn't need much opening." "That's a technical break-in under the Forcible Entries Act." "What time did you effect this entry?" "Pretty late." "After chapel." "Burglary at common law and, of course, civil trespass." "What... er... what sort of parties, exactly?" "We had a poker school." " You haven't run into bankruptcy?" " I owe Crabtree £2.10." "We let a lot of people play." "Contrary to the Betting, Gaming and Lotteries Act 1963." "We used to get a bottle of cherry brandy in." "Serving liquor on unlicensed premises." "Crabtree asked a couple of girls from the village." "Bagnold never heard about that." "There's no evidence of girls!" "As far as your case goes, there is no reason to suppose the girls existed!" "As for the other charges, they are serious." " Yes, I suppose they are, rather." " You were walking past the place." "You heard a noise and went in to investigate." "Dad, Bagnold came in and found us playing poker!" "I know! "My Lord, my client was only playing poker" ""so as not to appear too pious, while he lectured his fellow sixth-formers" ""against the evils of gambling and cherry brandy!"" " Dad, be serious." " Don't you want me to defend you?" "No!" "Bagnold's not going to call in the police, or anything like that." " What's he going to do?" " I'll miss next term's exeat." "Do some extra work." "I just thought I should tell you before you get a letter." "Yes, thanks, Nick." "Thank you, I'm glad you told me." " So, there's no question of the police?" " Please!" "Of course not!" "Bagnold doesn't want any trouble." "After all, we're still at school." "Still at school..." "Of course you are." "You and young Timson, yes!" "I'm sorry." "Stupid of me." "The fish and chips don't look too bad!" " (Rumpole) May I call you Peanuts?" " If you like." " You go to the same school as Jim?" " Yeah." " But you're not friends?" " Not really." "No, the, er..." "You don't speak to each other." "The Timsons and Molloys are like the Montagues and Capulets." " What did you say they were?" " Not ejusdem generis, My Lord." " (Laughter) - (Usher) Silence!" "Peanuts, how would you describe yourself?" " Is that a proper question?" " I mean, artistically." "Are you a latter-day Impressionist?" "Do your oils in little dots?" "Or perhaps an abstract?" "White squares on a white background?" "Or perhaps watches melting in the desert, like dear old Salvador Dali?" " I don't know what you're saying!" " Neither, I confess, My Lord, do I." "(Rumpole) 'Sit quietly." "All will be revealed.'" "Are you a dedicated artist?" "The Rembrandt of the remand home?" " I hadn't done no art before." " No, that's what I rather thought." "So, are we to understand, that when Jimbo poured out his heart to you," " it was at your first painting lesson?" " Yeah." " How long had you been on remand?" " Couple of months." "Done for affray." "I didn't ask you that." "I'm sure the reasons for being on remand were entirely creditable." "What I want to know is, why this sudden fascination with the arts?" "Well, the chief screw..." "So, you were told to join the painting school and get next to Jimbo?" " (Peanuts) Something like that, yeah." " What did he say?" " "Something like that", My Lord." "And you were there not in pursuit of art but in pursuit of evidence." "You knew that very well and supplied your masters with what they wanted." " Jimbo never said a word to you!" " My Lord, I don't know quite what my learned friend is saying." "Is he suggesting..." "It's an old trick!" "Put your suspect..." "bang him up with a notable grass, if you're pushed for evidence." "They do it with grown-ups!" " Now they're trying it with children!" " Your language is foreign to me." "Then let me try and make myself clear, My Lord." "I'm suggesting that the witness was put into the painting class as a trap." "You're suggesting Mr Molloy was not a genuine amateur painter?" "No indeed, My Lord, merely an amateur witness." " (Laughter)" " I see." "Go on, Mr Rumpole." "What did you first say to Jim as you drew your easel alongside?" " I don't remember." " No?" "But you did say something?" " You were on speaking terms?" " We was speaking about the Stones." "What stones were those?" "The Rolling Stones!" "A great deal of this case is taking place in a foreign tongue!" "Oh, er, jazz musicians, as I understand, My Lord, of some notoriety." "Their notoriety hasn't reached me." "Yes, go on." "We talked about their Hammersmith concert." "We'd both been to it and we talked about that." "Then Jim said he and the other blokes had done up the butchers." "Jim said... he and the other "blokes"" "had "done" the butchers." "Well..." "Would this be a convenient moment to adjourn, Mr Rumpole?" "(Rumpole) 'Convinient for Peanuts." "He'll have his second wind tomorrow.'" " (Judge) Mr Rumpole?" " Yes, My Lord, perfectly convenient." "If Your Lordship pleases." "That was very good, Hilda." "Yes, bit of an improvement on the Old Bailey canteen, Nick, eh?" " That's not saying much, I'm afraid!" " I'd better see about clearing up." "Grandpa sent you his love, Nick." "Will you remember to write?" "He's definitely retiring as Head of Chambers." "He quite appreciates that you're the senior man." " Dad..." " Yes, old son." "Will you be cross-examining Peanuts tomorrow?" "I'll try to keep it going, but I feel I've shot my bolt as far as Peanuts goes." " You really think he's lying?" " If not, it's a damn good imitation!" "Nick enjoyed the show, even though it was only a robbery." "I wish you'd been there when I was cross-examining on the bloodstains in the Penge bungalow murder." "Nick wasn't born when you did the Penge murder." "No, I know." "Bad luck, old son!" " You were great with that judge!" " Old Florrie!" "An extraordinary judge kept talking Latin." "Dad was teasing him." "You want to be careful how you tease judges, if you're to be Head of Chambers." "Head of Chambers, Dad?" "Honestly?" " I suppose it's possible." " Can I come tomorrow?" "To the Bailey?" " Of course you can." " Your dental appointment's tomorrow!" "Eleven o'clock you've got to be in Harley Street, to see Mr Drage." "She Who Must Be Obeyed!" "Never mind!" "You won't miss much." "It's a pretty run-of-the-mill case." "Although, as I'm sure you've noticed, it does have one rather extraordinary feature." "Go on, Watson." "You interest me strangely." " Do you still read those tales?" " Not lately." "Do you remember I read them to you after She had ordered you to bed?" " When you weren't busy with murders." " Walks on Hampstead Heath." " You were Holmes and I was Watson." " I remember one walk." "Tell me, Holmes, what, in your opinion was the most remarkable evidence given by the witness..." "Peanuts Molloy?" "When he said they were talking about the Rolling Stones." "You astonish me, Holmes!" "Watson, we were led to believe they were enemies." "You know, the families weren't ejusdem generis." "Go on, go on!" "Have a bit more of this." "It stimulates the detective abilities." "There they were, chatting about a concert." "Didn't that strike you as strange, Watson?" "If you ask me, it struck me as bloody rum!" "They'd both been to the concert." "That doesn't mean anything necessarily." " I mean, I was at that concert." " Were you indeed?" "I got time off from school." "I don't recall you mentioning it." "I said I was going to the Festival Hall." "Oh, very wise!" "As far as your mother's concerned," "I should think that at the Hammersmith Odeon they probably re-enact the worst excesses of the Roman Empire." "I don't suppose you saw Peanuts or Jimbo there?" "There were about 2,000 fans, all screaming." "Yes, of course." "I don't know if that helps" "I mean, if they were old mates, Jimbo might have confided in him." "No, Peanuts was lying!" "And you spotted it." "You've got the instinct!" "You've got a nose for the evidence." "Your career at the Bar is bound to be brilliant." "Tell me, old man, when are you taking silk?" "(Rumpole laughs)" "Mr Wystan was good enough to send me a letter from Horsham Hospital." "Ah, yes." "Old Daddy's not quite up to snuff." " He mentions his retirement." " Really?" "We'll manage well with you as Head of Chambers." "Oh, do you think so?" "There's not much we won't be able to sort out over a glass in Pommeroy's." "And we'll welcome Master Nick into Chambers?" "Well, he's certainly showing some legal aptitude." "It'll be a real family affair, Mr Rumpole, if you ask me." "Like father, like son." "Like father, like son." "How very nice." " Mr Rumpole, I've checked that date." " Yes?" "You clever old darling!" "Thank you very much, Mr Bernard!" "(Rumpole) When Jim told you he'd done up the butchers, did he say the date that it happened?" "My Lord, the date is clearly set out in the indictment." "My Lord, I am cross-examining on behalf of my young client, who is charged with a serious offence!" "I'd be grateful if my learned friend did not volunteer information known to all of us in court, except the witness!" "Very well." "Please go on, Mr Rumpole." "(Sighs heavily)" " Did he tell you the date?" " He never told me when." " I thought it was in the summer." " (Rumpole) In the summer." "Are you... a fan of the Rolling Stones, Peanuts?" " Yeah." " Remind me, they were..." " The musicians!" " 'Shut up, Featherstone.'" "Ah, thank you, Mr Featherstone." " And, er... and is Jim, too, a fan?" " He was, yeah." "(Rumpole) Did you discuss music before you met on remand?" " Before the nick?" "Oh, yeah!" " At school together?" " Yeah." " And, er... in quite a friendly way?" "(Peanuts) Well, we was all right, yeah." " Did you ever go to a concert with him?" " (Peanuts) We went..." " Now, think carefully." " We went to one or two concerts." " In the evening?" " (Peanuts) Yeah." "Would you call at his home, collect him?" " You're joking!" " (Rumpole) What?" " (Peanuts) You must be joking!" " I'm not joking at all." " I wouldn't call at his home!" " The families don't speak." " You wouldn't be welcome there!" " The Montagues and the Capulets?" "If Your Lordship pleases." "Your Lordship puts it extremely aptly." "(Mouths inaudibly)" "What would you do if going to a concert together?" "We'd leave school together, and just hang around the caffs." " Hang around the caffs?" " Cafés, Mr Rumpole?" "(Rumpole) Yes, of course, the cafés, My Lord." "Before you went up West?" "If Your Lordship would allow me to translate, the West End of London." "Yeah!" "So, you wouldn't be separated when you went to a concert together?" " We hung around." " Did that happen when you saw the Rolling Stones at Hammersmith Odeon?" " Yeah." " That was this summer?" " Yeah." " You left school together?" "And hung around the caffs." "Then we went up to the Odeon." " You were together the whole evening?" " I told you, didn't I?" "(Rumpole) Yes, indeed, you told me." "Thank you very much." "My Lord, perhaps my learned friend might be interested in knowing the date of the only Rolling Stones concert at the Hammersmith Odeon this year." "He might like to compare it with the date of the offence, so conveniently set out in the indictment." "(Whispers around the court)" "But you had an alibi!" "You had a proper, reasonable, truthful alibi!" "And, joy of joys, it even came from the prosecution." "Why the hell not tell me?" " Me dad wouldn't have liked it." " Your dad wouldn't have liked it!" "And because of that, you were prepared to be found guilty, to be convicted of robbery with violence?" " Dad got the family to alibi me." " Keep it in the family!" "Oh, well, I'd better collect me things." "Anyway, thanks, Mr Rumpole." "Dad said I could rely on you to win the day." "Cheers!" "No, wait!" "I didn't win the day!" "It was luck, it was a sheer fluke, Jimbo!" " It'll never happen again!" " You're joking, Mr Rumpole!" "Me Dad told me about you." "Says you never let the Timsons down." "Do you think that's what I'm here for?" "To help you in a career like your dad's?" "God, I shouldn't have asked those questions, or found out that date!" "Then you'd really be happy, wouldn't you?" "Then you'd really follow in your dad's footsteps all your life!" "Sharp spells in borstal to learn the mysteries of housebreaking and then on to a solid life of crime!" "Oh, you might do really well!" "You might end up in Parkhurst in the maximum-security wing, doing a glamorous 20 years and a hero to the screws!" "We've got his things at the gate." "Come on, Timson." " You can't stay here all night." " Well, I've got to go." "I don't know how to face me dad, really, me being so friendly with Peanuts." "No, Jim, wait!" "Just a minute, just a minute." "Look, come here." "Listen, if you're pleased with the way I did your case..." " I am!" "Frankly, I'm quite satisfied." " Oh, I'm glad." "Would you consider doing me a favour?" " Why?" "Aren't we on Legal Aid?" " Of course we're on Legal Aid!" "Listen, haven't you ever thought about leaving home?" " I couldn't do that!" "Not ever!" " Why not?" "Me mum depends on me, like when Dad goes away." "Well, she depends on me then as head of the family." "Head of the family!" "Cheers!" "(Door squeaks open)" "(Chalky) Don't look so miserable, Mr Rumpole." "You won." "Nobody won, Inspector, but truth emerges sometimes, even down the Old Bailey." "But he's a Timson." "Runs in the family." " We'll get him... sooner or later." " Yes, I suppose you will." "There we are." "Thanks very much." "Hello, George!" "(George) Hello, Rumpole." "Join us." "(Tony) Marvellous win." " Yes, I hear you've had a splendid win!" " "Trailing clouds of glory, do we come!"" " Be years before you get the cheque!" " What was it about?" "I forget." "You don't get paid for years at the Old Bailey!" "I told my grocer," ""If you had to wait as long to be paid for a pound of sugar" ""as we do for an armed robbery..."" "Albert tells me he's had a letter from Wystan... and I'd like to say, Rumpole, we'd all like to say, you'll make a splendid Head of Chambers!" ""Shades of the prison-house begin to close" ""Around the growing Boy But He beholds the light," ""and whence it flows and sees it in his joy..."" "Rumpole quotes Wordsworth." "Does it quite often." "But does the growing boy behold the light, George, or is the old sheep of the Lake District being unduly optimistic?" "Well, I think it'll be refreshing to have a Head of Chambers who quotes poetry." "(Laughter)" " Have you seen The Times?" " Haven't had time." "The crossword!" "Guthrie Featherstone, he's taken silk." "(Featherstone) It's the stockings that are the problem!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "They would be!" " Keeping them up." " I do understand." " Yes." "Well, Marigold..." " Who?" " My wife, Marigold." " A wife?" "My wife, Marigold!" "(Shouts) Oh, that Marigold!" "Yes." "She's a nurse, you know, and she put me in touch with this shop which supplies suspender belts to nurses!" "Amongst other things!" " Really?" " Yes, yes!" "Yards of elastic for the larger ward sister!" "Ha ha ha!" " Well, it works miraculously!" " A suspender belt!" "You sexy devil!" "Lord, I'd never realised the full implications of rising to the height of the legal profession." "(Tom) Some time since we had champagne in Chambers." "(Hoskins) Or a silk in Chambers." "(Tom) I recall, George, you'll like this, we had a fellow here called Bulstrode - it was before you were born - and someone gave him 100 guineas for six months' pupillage." "Know what he did?" " No." " Stood champagne all round." "The next day he ran off to Calais with his clerk and we never saw them again!" "Thank you." "Whose pupil were you?" "I forget." " He was my pupil, Uncle Tom." " Well, George wouldn't do that!" " At least, I don't think." "Would you?" " I missed the start." "I was telling him about Bulstrode." "Someone gave him... (George) I do remember." "Albert." "(Tom)... 100 guineas, and, er..." "Ah!" "Ah, Albert, well met!" "By Jove, you do look distinguished!" "One has to cut a certain figure down the House of Lords." "Hope I'll have the same pleasure with you, sir." "Never, Albert, I promise you!" "Not ever." "Now, Henry, we don't want you getting Miss Marchbanks tiddly." " You may fill me up." " You wouldn't rather a glass of instant?" " Now, now..." " Thank you, Henry." " There you go, sir." " Lovely." "Your husband's star has risen so quickly, Mrs Featherstone." "Only ten years and he's an MP and leading counsel." "It's the PR, you see." "Guthrie's frightfully good at the PR." " At the what?" " Guthrie always says the important thing at the Bar is to be polite to your instructing solicitor." " Don't you find that?" " Polite to solicitors?" " That never occurred to me." " Guthrie admires you so!" "He admires your style of advocacy." "It makes a change from bowing three times and offering to black the judge's boots." "He says you're most amusing out of court." "Don't you quote poetry?" "Only at moments of great sadness, madam." "Or extreme elation!" "Guthrie so looks forward to leading you in his next big case." "Leading me?" "Did you say leading me?" "He has to have a junior now." "He wants the best available." " Now he's a leader." " Now he's left the Junior Bar." "Just for a pair of knee breeches, he left us." "Just for an elastic suspender belt, as supplied to the nursing profession." " Rumpole." " Ah, my learned leader!" " Could I have a word?" " Of course." "Would you excuse me?" " Marigold!" " (George) Marigold, come and join us." "(Rumpole) Well, old chap..." " Albert, I tell you what..." "Hello." " Hello, Uncle Tom." "I just wanted to say that I don't see why recent events should make any difference to the situation in Chambers." " You're the senior man in practice." " "Ah, you wrong me, Brutus." ""You said an older soldier, not a better."" " A quotation, Rumpole!" "Very apt." " Is it?" "No, what I mean is, that I don't see why, um... all this should make any difference." "You'll have my full support as Head of Chambers." " Oh, that..." "(AIbert) Mr Wystan!" "Mr Wystan's here!" " Henry, a chair for Mr Wystan." " (Featherstone) Come along in." "(Indistinct chatter)" "(George) You look wonderful." "So good to see you." "Albert..." "albert wrote to me about this little celebration." "I was determined to be with you and the doctor's given permission for one glass of champagne." "Champagne coming up, sir!" "There we are." " Glad you could come!" " Great change in Chambers!" "Now we have a silk!" "Guthrie Featherstone, QC MP." "(all) Guthrie Featherstone, QC MP!" "# For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow" "# For he's a jolly good fellow And so say all of us" " # And so say all of us... #" " Thank you!" "Thank you." "(Wystan) You have brought a great distinction to Chambers." "Isn't that nice, Guthrie?" "When I was a young man..." " Remember when we were young?" "(Uncle Tom) Vaguely." "We used to hang around in Chambers for weeks on end." "I well recall we used to occupy ourselves with an old golf ball and a mashie niblick, trying to get chip shots into the waste bin." " Still does, Uncle Tom." " Albert was a boy." " A mere child, Mr Wystan." " We used to pray for work, any work." "We were tempted to crime." "Only way we could get into court." "As you grow older, you discover, it's not having any work that matters, it's the quality that counts." "Hear!" "Hear!" "We should do more civil." "Guthrie Featherstone, QC MP, will command briefs in all divisions." " Hear!" "Hear!" " Planning, contract, even Chancery." "Come, now, Wystan!" "(Wystan) I was afraid after I've gone these Chambers might become known as merely a criminal set." " Disgraceful!" " There's no doubt about it, too much criminal work does rather lower the standing of a chambers." " Couldn't you install pithead baths?" " Oh, Horace." "We could all have a good scrub down after the Bailey." "(Laughter)" "Horace Rumpole, and I mean no disrespect to my son-in-law... (Rumpole bellows) Daddy!" "(George) Rumpole!" "...practises almost exclusively in the criminal courts." "One doesn't get the fascinating points of law, not in criminal work." "I've thought we should try to attract some lucrative tax cases." "Ah, tax cases!" "Tax cases make the world go round." "I mean, compared to the wonderful world of tax, crime's totally trivial!" "What does it matter if a boy loses a year, two years of his life, hmm?" "Totally unimportant!" "Anyway, he'll grow up to be banged up for a good five, shut up with his chamberpot in some hole we prefer not to think about." "Now, then, Horace, your practice no doubt requires a good deal of skill." "Skill?" "Who said anything about skill?" "Any fool can do it!" "It's only a matter of life and death." "Crime, it's a sort of game." "I mean, how can you compare it to the real world of offshore securities and deductible expenses?" "(Wystan) All you young men in chambers can learn enormously from Rumpole when it comes to crime." "(Rumpole) God!" "You make me sound just like Fred Timson!" " Ah, champers!" " Who's Fred Timson?" "The Timsons are Rumpole's favourite family." "An industrious clan of South London criminals." " (Wystan) South London criminals?" " Do we really want Timson types forever hanging round our waiting room?" "I merely ask it." "(Loud sarcastic tone) Do you really, merely ask it?" "Excuse me." "The Timsons and their like are no doubt grist to Rumpole's mill but it's the balance that counts." " There we are, sir!" " Now, er... you'll be looking for a new Head of Chambers." "I'd like you all to think it over carefully and put your views to me in writing." "We should all try and remember it's the good of the Chambers that matters." " Are we still looking?" " Not the feelings, however deep, of any particular person." " The good of Chambers." " (all) The good of Chambers!" "Guthrie Featherstone..." "Head of Chambers?" "By universal acclaim." "(Sighs)" "I'm sorry." "Oh, he can have the headaches... trying to work out Albert's extraordinary bookkeeping." "If only you could have become a QC." "QC..." "CT, that's good enough for me." "CT?" "Whatever's CT?" "Counsel for the Timsons." "Oh, Rumpole, you're impossible!" "You're not in court today?" "No, not today." "It must be time to see Nick off." "What are you reading? "The Mysterious Adventures of the Speckled Band"?" ""Industrial Soci..." Sociology, Nick?" "Bagnold was talking about what I should read if I get into Oxford." "It's very interesting." "You astonish me, old..." " I'll ring for the taxi." " (Hilda) Of course you'll read law." "I thought perhaps PPE, then go on to Sociology." "Well, we're going to keep it in the family!" "PPE sounds very good, Nick, very good indeed." "(Growls) For God's sake, let's stop keeping it in the family!" "That's what's wrong, Nick, that's the devil of it." "They're all being born around us all the time, little Mr Justice Everglades, little Timsons." "(Tersely) Little Guthrie Featherstones." "All being set off to follow in their fathers' footsteps." "Well, let's have no more of that." "No more following in fathers' footsteps, hmm?" " See you at half term, then." " Right." "(Nick) Victoria Station, please." "No more."