"WE'RE HERE." "[ Sighs ] OH, YOU LOOK SO GROWN UP IN THAT JACKET." "MOM" " OKAY, BONES." "TAKE CARE." "YOU DO." "NOW," "HERE'S YOUR BUS TICKET." "JONATHON, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF !" "MOM" "I WILL." "CALL US WHEN YOU GET THERE, OKAY ?" "WRITE YOUR MOM TOO." "DAD." "I-I WILL." "SEE YOU OVER THE HOLIDAYS." "OH, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU !" "[ Boy ] NICE SPITBALL." "YEAH, RIGHT IN THE SLOT !" "HEY, BLOCK !" "BLOCK-BLOCK-BLOCK-BLOCK !" "HI." "HOW YA DOIN' ?" "[ Bell Rings ]" "[ Chattering Continues ]" "NICE JACKET !" "HOW ARE THINGS ON NEPTUNE ?" "HE'S A USED-CAR SALESMAN." "[ Laughing ]" "NICE" " REAL NICE." "HOW YA DOIN' ?" "WELCOME ABOARD, STRANGER." "[ Both Laugh, Chatter ]" "WHOA !" " GREAT, DOUCHE BAG." " [ Chuckles Nervously ] YEAH." "ANOTHER YEAR, ANOTHER IDIOT." "♪♪♪♪ [ Rock ]" "ENTREZ." "HEY, YOU MUST BE JONATHON !" "YEAH." "SQUIRE FRANKLIN BURROUGHS IV." "CALL ME SKIP." "HI, SKIP." "I'LL GIVE YOU A HAND HERE." "OKAY, THANKS." "OH, JESUS, JONATHON." "WHAT THE HELL YOU GOT IN HERE" " A DEAD BODY ?" "NO, I GOT MY BOOKS, CLOTHES, THAT KIND OF THING." "WELL, YOU KNOW," "LAST YEAR WE HAD A GUY SMUGGLED HIS GIRLFRIEND UP HERE IN ONE OF THESE." "YEAH ?" "HE LOST THE KEY." "BY THE TIME HE FOUND IT, SHE WAS DEAD." "REALLY ?" "[ Laughs ] JUST KIDDING !" "OH." "GOOD ONE." "WELCOME TO VERNON ACADEMY." "THIS IS YOUR SIDE OF THE ROOM." "OH, I GUESS NO ONE TOLD YOU." "YOU ONLY HAVE TO WEAR THIS RAG ON DUTY DAYS." "OH, YEAH, NOBODY SAID ANYTHING." "I THOUGHT WE WERE" " YEAH, OKAY." "I THOUGHT WE WORE IT A LOT." "MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME." "SO, WHERE YOU FROM ?" "WHERE'D YOU GO TO SCHOOL ?" "WELL, I GREW UP IN PITTSBURGH." "I'VE GONE TO PUBLIC SCHOOL THERE FOR ABOUT" "HOLY SHIT !" "WE'RE LATE !" "WHAT ?" "LATE ?" "HMM, HOW 'BOUT THESE ?" "GREAT, HUH ?" "YOU KNOW, THESE ASSHOLES-- THEY ALL GO TO NEIMAN-MARCUS." "BUT I FOUND THIS OUTRAGEOUS BOUTIQUE" " HENRI'S." "YEAH ?" "YEAH." "IT'S GREAT STUFF, HUH ?" "YOU KNOW, IF THESE DON'T WIN FIRST PRIZE, THERE IS NO GOD." "YEAH." "WELL, HURRY UP AND CHANGE." "CHANGE ?" "[ Laughing ] OH, GEEZ, I FORGOT." "YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO PREP SCHOOL." "UH-UH." "YOU MUST THINK I'M PRETTY WEIRD, HUH ?" "WELL-- LOOK, LOOK, THIS IS A VERNON TRADITION." "YOU SEE, EVERY YEAR THE SENIORS HAVE TO PARADE AROUND THE CAMPUS WEARING WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR." "IT'S SUPPOSED TO TEACH US HUMILITY." "YOU SEE, UH-HUH." "SENIORS GIVE THE SQUIDS SHIT ALL YEAR LONG, AND THIS IS THEIR ONE CHANCE TO LAUGH AT US." "OH, I GET IT." "YOU THOUGHT-- YEAH !" "COME ON !" "THIS IS A TRADITION !" "GEEZ, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ?" "OH, NO." "LOOK, I'LL JUST STAY HERE AND UNPACK." "LET ME THINK." "JENNY !" "JENNY." "HEY-- LET'S SEE" "AH !" "WE'RE IN LUCK !" "MEMENTOS." "OH, LOOK, COME ON." "I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET DRESSED UP." "HEY, YOU'RE NOT GETTING MINE." "I PLANNED FOR THIS." "I DON'T WANT YOURS." "GRANTED, YOU'RE NOT GONNA WIN ANY PRIZES WITH THESE, BUT YOU WON'T BE EMBARRASSED." "GET CHANGED." "[ Bell Rings ] COME ON." "COME ON, MAN !" "COME ON !" "I CAN'T !" "HEY, WOULD YOU HURRY UP, MAN ?" "WE GOTTA GO !" "WE'RE LATE !" "COME ON, YOU LOOK GREAT." "HEY, GUYS !" "LOOK AT THIS !" "HEY." "LOOK THERE !" "[ Laughing ] YOU LOOK GREAT !" "YOU LOOK GREAT !" "[ Crowd Laughing, Jeering ]" "[ Skip Laughing ] NICE ASS YOU GOT THERE, BABE !" "[ Catcalls ] OOH, BLACK-- MY FAVORITE COLOR !" "THEY LOVE YOU !" "[ Laughing ]" "OOH-HOO-HOO !" "[ Laughing ]" "OKAY, TURN AROUND." "OH, LOOK AT THOSE TITS !" "[ Chanting ] SHOW YOUR TITS !" "SHOW YOUR TITS !" "HEY, WHERE'D YOU GET THAT OUTFIT ?" "FREDERICK'S OF HOLLYWOOD ?" "WHOA !" "HELP !" "HEY, YOU'RE REALLY FALLIN' FOR HIM !" "HEY, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, BUT I'M GETTIN' A GIGANTIC "SOFT-ON" !" " IT'S THE WEENIE IN A BIKINI !" " [ Jeering Continues ]" "HIKE !" "PASS, PASS, PASS !" "COVER HIM !" " [ Chanting ] WE WANT MORE !" "LOOK OUT !" "SHIT !" "[ Chanting Continues ]" "I LOVE YOU !" "[ Skip Laughing Hysterically ]" "I'M SORRY." "I'M SORRY." "I KNOW IT WAS A LOUSY THING TO DO." "LOOK, DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY." "LOOK, IT REALLY IS A TRADITION." "SOMEBODY FALLS FOR IT EVERY YEAR." "NO HARD FEELINGS, OKAY ?" "LOOK, IT WAS JUST A PRANK." "DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY." "OKAY ?" "NOW, LOOK, WE'RE ROOMMATES." "WE'RE GONNA BE TOGETHER FOR A WHOLE YEAR." "TRUCE ?" "TRUCE." "[ Sputters, Laughs ]" "[ French Accent ] AH, THERE SHE IS AGAIN." "[ Wolf Whistles ]" "I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, DARLING." "HI, SWEETHEART." "YEAH, YEAH." "HELLO, MISS ?" "IS YOUR DANCE CARD FILLED ?" "[ Laughing ] I THINK SHE'S IN THE WRONG JOHN." "LIGHTS !" "[ Boys, In Unison ] FUCK YOU, ROSCOE !" "I SAID LIGHTS, NIPPLE NOSE !" "THAT'SMR.NIPPLE NOSE TO YOU, MAYBAUM !" "SHH, SHH, QUIET." "HERE COMES THE WALRUS MAN." "[ Door Opens ]" "GOOD EVENING, MR. MAYBAUM." "GOOD EVENING, SIR." "ALL PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR." "HMM." "WELL, GOOD NIGHT, THEN, MR. MAYBAUM." "GOOD NIGHT, SIR." "[ Boy Shouting ]" "[ Door Opens ]" " OH, ONE MORE THING." "IF YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE WITH THE BOYS SMOKING, LET ME KNOW." "MM-HMM." "OKAY ?" "[ Mumbles, Snorts ] GOT IT." "GOOD NIGHT." "[ Muffled ] GOOD NIGHT, SIR." "♪♪♪♪ [ Rock ]" "♪♪♪♪ [ Continues ]" "[ Chattering ]" "HEY, THERE HE IS." "HEY, LOOK !" "THERE'S THE GEEK IN THE LINGERIE." "HEY, LEGS !" "IT'S THE GUY IN THE WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR !" "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE LOVELY MISS APRIL PUSSY !" "LET'S HEAR IT !" "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU-- HI, DARLING !" "HEY, JONATHON, OVER HERE !" "[ Boy ] LET ME TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ALL THIS, MY DARLING !" " SIT ON MY FACE, DARLING !" "[ Mocking ] CHRIST, REAL TEARS." "HERE, SIT HERE !" "OH, LET ME WIPE THOSE TEARS." "[ Boys Laughing ]" "OH, GOD, WHAT A TOOL !" "WE'RE TALKIN' MEGADORK." " SHUT UP !" " WHAT IS GOING ON OVER THERE ?" "JONATHON, THE ONE THEY PULLED THE STUNT ON." "[ Jeering ]" "GONNA CHANGE INTO YOUR BRA ?" "DON'T FORGET TO WRITE !" "[ Jeering Continues ] I'M TELLIN' YOU, THE KID'S A WIMP." "HEY, LOOK, JONATHON, I THINK YOU'VE BEEN MAK" "OH, MY GOD." "JESUS !" "JESUS !" "I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'D DO IT !" "JESUS, I DON'T KNOW WHY HE DID IT." "IT WAS JUST A JOKE." "[ Shouting ]" "JESUS !" "HUNG HIMSELF !" " I DON'T KNOW WHY HE DID IT, BUT IT'S MY FAULT." " JESUS !" "[ Siren Blaring ]" "[ Boys Laughing ]" "[ Headmaster ] IS THIS MEANT TO AMUSE ME, MR. BURROUGHS ?" " QUIET !" " STOP BY MY OFFICE ABOUT 8:00 IN THE MORNING." "IT'LL GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE," "AND IT'LL GIVE ME TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING TO DO." "[ All Laughing ]" "OH, AND, UH, PLEASE INVITE YOUR DEAD ROOMMATE." "[ All Laugh ] ALL RIGHT." "THAT'S IT." "SHOW'S OVER." "LET'S GO." "[ Muffled Laughter ]" "[ Laughing ]" "OH, I'M SORRY." "IT WAS A LOUSY THING TO DO, HUH ?" "BUT I WAS SO HUMILIATED, I JUST HAD TO KILL MYSELF." "[ Laughing ]" "JUST A PRANK, JUST A PRANK." "NO HARD FEELINGS, HUH ?" "TRUCE." "[ Snickers ] TRUCE." "I'M NOT REALLY READY FOR THIS CONVERSATION." "I USUALLY HAVE AT LEAST A MONTH BEFORE I AM FACED WITH STUDENTS IN WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR..." "OR AN ARTIST'S RENDERING OF MY PERSONA DANGLING FROM THE RAFTERS." "WE'RE ONLY IN THE FIRST WEEK, GENTLEMEN." "IT'S FRIGHTENING TO IMAGINE WHAT COULD HAPPEN BY CHRISTMAS, ISN'T IT ?" " [ Both ] YES, SIR." " THAT WAS RHETORICAL, BOYS." "I LIKE TO GIVE EVERYBODY ONE CHANCE TO SCREW UP." "I THINK WE CAN ASSUME YOU'VE EACH HAD YOURS NOW." "I HOPE FOR YOUR SAKES..." "THIS IS THE LAST SUCH CONVERSATION I'LL HAVE WITH YOU UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR," "NO IFS, ANDS OR BUTS-- IS THAT CLEAR ?" "[ Both ] YES, SIR." "[ Sighs ] BOY, WE GOTTA REALLY WATCH IT FROM NOW ON." "WE GOTTA STRAIGHTEN UP." "BE RESPONSIBLE." "GET SERIOUS." "GOTTA CLEAN UP OUR ACT." "ABSOLUTELY." "TOE THE LINE." "HALLELUJAH." "[ Sports Announcer on Radio ]" "THEY'RE NEVER GONNA SELL IT TO US." "IT'S NEVER GONNA WORK." "WE'RE GONNA GET BUSTED." "SHH, RELAX !" "WHICH ONE OF YOU YOUNGSTERS IS PLANNING TO BUY THIS ?" "I AM." "OH, REALLY ?" "HOW OLD ARE YOU SON ?" "FIFTY." "YOU DID IT !" "[ Laughs ]" "I AM ASTOUNDED BY YOUR SHEER BRILLIANCE AND THE MAGNITUDE OF YOUR GALL." "YEAH, SO AM I." "THIS IS SOMETHING I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE." "YOU'VE GOT TO SWEAR TO ME WHAT YOU HEAR WILL NOT LEAVE THIS ROOM." "SWEAR TO GOD." "OKAY." "SWEAR TOGOD!" "OKAY." "I KILLED A GUY." "YEAH ?" "[ Laughs ]" " I MEAN IT, JONATHON." " ME TOO." "LAST YEAR, UH," "I WAS IN MONTEGO BAY WITH SOME FRIENDS." "AND WE'RE ALL IN THIS BAR, AND I MET THIS GORGEOUS GIRL." "SHE TAKES ME BACK TO HER PLACE." "NEXT THING I KNOW, SOME HUGE GUY HAD A GUN TO MY HEAD," "AND MY GREAT GORGEOUS GAL-- SHE'S GOIN' THROUGH MY POCKETS." "I MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY DRUNK, 'CAUSE I KICKED THE SON OF A BITCH IN THE BALLS." "I WENT FOR THE GUN, AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW, THERE'S THIS HUGE EXPLOSION," "AND, UH," "THE GUY WAS..." "LYIN' ON THE GROUND WITH BLOOD POURING OUT OF A HOLE IN HIS HEAD." "[ Pouring Liquor ]" " IT WAS HORRIBLE." " JESUS." "GOD." " WHAT'D YOU DO ?" " WHAT DO YOU THINK I DID ?" "I GOT THE HELL OUT OF THERE." "WHAT'S THE WORST THING YOU'VEEVER DONE ?" " I CHEATED ON MY S.A.T." " SEE, I CAN SMELL BULLSHIT A MILE AWAY." "HEY, IT COST ME 150 BUCKS." "I BOUGHT THE TEST." "I HAD EVERY ANSWER GOIN' IN." "YOU CHEATED ON THE S.A.T. ?" "YOUCHEATEDON THE S.A.T. ?" "YEAH." "[ Laughs ]" "CHRIST, I LOVE THAT !" "YOU ARE THE SMARTEST FUCKIN' GUY IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL." "MR. SCHOLARSHIP." "I MEAN, EVEN ROGER DID OKAY ON THE S.A.T." "IT JUST SO HAPPENS MY WHOLE LIFE DEPENDS ON MY GETTING INTO HARVARD." "[ Laughing ] YOU REALLY CHEATED ON THE S.A.T." "THAT'S PRETTY SERIOUS." "HEY, YOU KILLED A GUY !" "[ Belches ]" "WELL, NOT EXACTLY." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "NOT EXACTLY" ?" "HUH ?" "THAT SON OF A BITCH GOT AWAY WITH EVERYTHING I HAD." "AND I WAS SO SCARED THAT I SHIT MY PANTS." "[ Laughing ]" "[ Scoffs ] WHAT AN ASSHOLE." "OH, NO." "KAFKA'S SYMBOLISM HERE IS OBVIOUS." "THE APPLE REPRESENTS ORIGINAL SIN." "YEAH." "IT STICKS IN HIS SIDE LIKE CHRIST'S WOUND, AND EVENTUALLY IT FESTERS AND DESTROYS HIM." "[ Scoffs ] NO, NO, NO." "WHAT HE'S REALLY SAYING IS WE'RE ALL COCKROACHES." "LATER." "HEY, GUESS WHAT YOU'RE DOIN' TONIGHT ?" "LATIN." "WRONG." "YOU'VE GOT A DATE WITH THE SECOND-PRETTIEST GIRL AT FOXFIELD." "YOU DIDN'T." "OH, I DID !" "I DID." "OH, I AM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THIS." "WE ARENOTGONNA GET CAUGHT." "I'M NOT TALKIN' ABOUT THAT." "I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE GIRLS." "I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE." "YOU'VE NEVER DONETHATBEFORE ?" "[ Scoffs ] SURE, I'VE DONE IT." "GOD, LOTS OF TIMES." "I MEAN, YOU KNOW, NOT ALL THE WAY EVERY TIME, BUT" " I FEEL SICK." " YOU'VE GOT NOTHIN' TO WORRY ABOUT." "THESE ARE VERY NICE GIRLS." "IMIGHT NOT EVEN GET LAID TONIGHT." "ALTHOUGHTHAT'S HIGHLY UNLIKELY." "TURN OFF THE LIGHT." "THIS IS CRAZY." "YOU KNOW, WE'RE GONNA GET CAUGHT." "YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE GONNA DO IF THEY CATCH US ?" "SURE." "BUT IT DOESN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO WHAT THE GIRLS ARE GONNA DO." "OH, GOD." "[ Electronic Beeping ]" "[ Imitates Owl Hooting ]" "[ Girl's Voice Hooting ]" "[ Hoots ]" "[ Responding Hoot ]" "OH, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS." "[ Giggling ] OH, NOW, DON'T WORRY." "THERE THEY ARE, RIGHT ON TIME." "[ Giggling ] HEY !" "[ Singsong ] HI." "♪♪ JUST A MYSTERY, YEAH ♪♪" "IT'S NOT THAT THEY DON'TWANT TO WORK, IT'S THAT WE HAVEN'T GIVEN THEM THE OPPORTUNITIES." "POOR PEOPLE ARE JUST LIKE YOU AND ME, EXCEPT THEY DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY." "IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT." "THEY HAVE SO MANY KIDS THEY CAN'T GET OUT FROM UNDER." "WE'VE BEEN EDUCATED." "WE USE BIRTH CONTROL." "WE'RE NOT GONNA GET PREGNANT." "BUT NOBODY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT THEM, AND THEIR SITUATION WILL NEVER CHANGE..." "UNTIL WE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT." "[ Groans ]" "YOU DON'T AGREE ?" "NO." "NO, I, UH" "[ Retches, Vomits ] [ Gasps, Screams ]" "[ Brakes Screech ]" "JESUS CHRIST, JONATHON, NOT ON THE SEAT !" "THE GROSSEST THING-- IT'S ON MY SKIRT !" "[ Complaining Continues ]" "RIGHT THERE." "YOU KNOW, DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I REALLY THINK THEY LIKED ME." "[ Both Laugh ]" "JONATHON." "[ Laughs ]" "GUESS WHAT I JUST DID FOR YOU." "I DON'T WANT TO KNOW." "WELCOME ABOARD, MR. SECRETARY." "YOU KNOW SECRETARY OF THE DANCE COMMITTEE IS BULLSHIT." "IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE TO GET OUT OF CLASS." "THAT'S ONLY ONE OF ITS POSITIVE ASPECTS." "THE BEST PART IS THERE'S FIVE OF US..." "AND 479 OF THEM." "[ Laughing ] LET'S GET 'EM." "OH, LOOK AT THE CHEST-- - [ French Accent ] THE LITTLE GIRLS." "CHICKS !" "WHOO !" "LOVE 'EM." "HOW'S IT GOIN' ?" "WELCOME TO FOXFIELD." "LOOK AT THAT GIRL !" "LOOK AT THAT ONE." "[ Chattering Continues ]" "THIS IS THE WAY WE THINK IT SHOULD GO:" "JUST BEFORE THE LAST DANCE," "OUR MRS. DeBREUL AND YOUR MR. KENNEDY WILL PRESENT THE PRIZE FOR BEST COSTUME." "CAN WE SAY SOMETHING ?" "WE THINK THIS WHOLE COSTUME THING IS REALLY CHILDISH." " WHAT ?" "BUT IT'S A HALLOWEEN DANCE !" "JULIA, THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN HALLOWEEN." "THERE ARE PEOPLE STARVING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN BACKYARD." "LISA, WHY DON'T YOU OFFER OUR GUESTS SOME SANDWICHES." "BUT A HALLOWEEN DANCE WITHOUT ANY COSTUMES IS JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER DANCE." "PERSONALLY, I THINK ANY DANCE IS INAPPROPRIATE CONSIDERING THE CONDITION OF THE WORLD TODAY." "I AM SO TIRED OF YOU TWO AND YOUR PSEUDOINTELLECTUAL LIBERAL CRAP." "JULIA !" "WELL, YOUR COTTON-CANDY IDEA OF LIFE MAKES ME SICK." "LISA !" "HI." "OH, NO !" "[ Grunts, Gasps ] [ Screams ]" "LISA !" "I'M SORRY." " STAY AWAY FROM ME !" "[ Foot Crunches ]" "YOU PEON !" "[ Boys Laugh, Hoot ] [ Gasps, Screams ]" "[ Gasps ] [ Laughing ]" "I KNOW." "WHY DON'T WE LEAVE IT UP TO THE INDIVIDUAL..." "AS TO WHETHER HE OR SHE WOULD LIKE TO WEAR A COSTUME ?" "[ Laughter Continues ] WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT, JONATHON ?" "I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, MRS. DeBREUL." "YES, IT WAS MOST UNFORTUNATE." "THE VASE WAS A GIFT FROM ELEANOR ROOSEVELT ?" "IRREPLACEABLE." "NO, NO, I DON'T THINK THAT'S BEING TOO EXTREME." "NOT AT ALL." "AS A MATTER OF FACT, I THINK YOU'RE BEING QUITE GENEROUS." "GOOD-BYE." "WELL, MR. BURROUGHS, YOU AND YOUR DANCE COMMITTEE..." "HAVE REALLY MADE AN INDELIBLE IMPRESSION ON OUR SISTER SCHOOL" "AND ESPECIALLY YOU, MR. OGNER." "NOT ONLY ARE YOU FORBIDDEN TO ATTEND THE HALLOWEEN DANCE," "BUT YOU ARE THE FIRST STUDENT IN THE HISTORY OF VERNON ACADEMY..." "EVER TO BE BANNED FROM FOXFIELD UNTIL, AND I QUOTE," ""THE DAY YOU DIE."" "ON YOUR WAY, GENTLEMEN." "THE WHITE ZONE IS FOR UNLOADING AND LOADING ONLY." "BANISHED FROM FOXFIELD FOREVER !" "THE ONLY FEMALES WITHIN A HUNDRED MILES." "GET BACK !" "GET BACK !" " GUESS YOU'RE GONNA DIE A VIRGIN, BUDDY." " GIMME SOME OF THAT." "HERE YA GO, PAL, MR. ALLIGATOR." "YOU WANNA BUY A SHIRT ?" "♪♪♪♪ [ Liturgical ]" "TA-DA !" "YOU LOOK TROUBLED, MY SON." "♪♪♪♪ [ Stops ] WORRIEST THOU NOT ABOUT BEING BANISHED FOREVER..." "FROM THE FOXFIELD SCHOOL FOR GIRLS," "FOR, YEA, THOUGH THEY ARE THE ONLY FEMALES WITHIN A HUNDRED MILES," "THERE IS STILL A PLACE WHERE THOU CANST JOURNEY TO:" " CHICAGO, ON THE 9:00 BUS." " FORGET IT." "JONATHON, DESPERATE CIRCUMSTANCES REQUIRE DESPERATE MEASURES." " SEXUALLY, YOU'RE FINISHED IN THIS PART OF THE STATE." " MUST YOU RUB IT IN ?" "LOOK, TAKE THIS TICKET." "GO TO RUSH STREET, TO THE FREE N EASY CLUB," "AND THERE YOU WILL MEET THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS, AND IF SHE AIN'T THERE, TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET." "GRAB A CAB, TAKE HER TO GREY'S LAKE INN," "AND THERE YOU WILL PLANT YOUR SEED IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN." "[ Scoffs ]" " HERE'S A HUNDRED BUCKS." " FORGET IT." "JONATHON, UNTIL YOU GET LAID, NONE OF US ARE SAFE." "AND, WHATEVER YOU DO, JESUS, DON'T TELL HER YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL." "TELL HER YOU'RE A LONGSHOREMAN." "WHAT ?" "ALL RIGHT." "TELL HER YOU'RE A THEATER CRITIC FOR THETIMES." "YEAH, THAT'S BETTER." "[ Laughs ]" "JONATHON, YOU'RE GOING." "I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR ASS BACK HERE UNTIL YOU SUCCEED." "IN FACT, I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU BACK IN THE ROOM UNTIL YOU BRING ME..." "HER PANTIES." "AW, COME ON." "LOOK, SKIP, I'M NOT LIKE YOU." "I DON'T HAVE YOUR CHARM, YOUR FINESSE, YOUR" "CLASS." "WHATEVER." "I'M NO GOOD WITH WOMEN." "I KNOW THAT." "YOU KNOW THAT." "THE BROADS THAT GO TO THE FREE N EASY DON'T KNOW THAT." "LOOK, JONATHON, YOU'RE A GREAT GUY." "YOU'VE GOT A LOT GOING FOR YOU." "HEY, I WOULDN'T SAY IT IF I DIDN'T MEAN IT." "WELL, I MIGHT SAY IT IF I DIDN'T MEAN IT, BUT PROBABLY NOT TO YOU." "COME ON, LET'S GO !" "[ Shouting ]" "[ Crowing ]" "I'D LEND YOU SOME MONEY, BUT I'M A LITTLE SHORT TODAY." "GET THIS ONE FOR THE GIPPER." "COME ON, YOU GUYS." "LET'S GO !" "[ All Chattering ]" "BLESS YOU." "YEAH, BLESSYOU." "TO THE PROMISED LAND, MY SONS." "TO THE PROMISED LAND." "[ Clucking ]" "HEY, JESUS, I GOT A GREAT DEAL ON SOME ALLIGATOR SHOES !" "[ Chattering Recedes ]" "♪♪♪♪ [ Loud Rock ]" "♪ ♪♪ YOU CAN'T DENY IT YOU'RE ONLY HIDING FROM LOVE ♪" "♪♪ I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING BUT YOU'RE ONLY HIDING ♪♪ BARTENDER !" "♪♪ FROM LOVE ♪♪ SIR !" "♪♪ YOU SAY YOU TRY BUT YOU'RE ONLY HIDING FROM LOVE ♪♪" "WATCH IT !" "SORRY." "♪♪ YOU'RE ONLY HIDING FROM LOVE ♪♪" "HI." "MY NAME IS JONATHON." "WHAT'S YOURS ?" "MIND IF I JOIN YOU ?" "SO, YOU LIVE AROUND HERE ?" "[ Laughing ]" "♪♪ YOU SAY YOU'RE SHY BUT YOU'RE ONLY HIDING FROM LOVE ♪♪♪♪" "MAYBE ANOTHER TIME." "OH, MAN." "BARTENDER." "HOLD YOUR HORSES." "BE RIGHT WITH YOU." "REMEMBER, YOU CAN'T BREATHE ON THIS ONE." "ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO !" "GET YOUR TIME GOING." "GO !" "[ All ] ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX-- DON'T BREATHE." "OH !" "OH, MAN !" "HOW'D I DO ?" "YOU DIDN'T DO IT." "I CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT." "TEN BUCKS SAYS YOU CAN DO BETTER." "TEN BUCKS." "TEN BUCKS." "[ All Chattering ]" "HEY, YOU'RE GONNA LOSE SOME MONEY, "HELEN." ELLEN." "ARE YOU READY ?" "READY." "WAIT, WAIT." "GET READY, GET SET, GO !" "ONE, TWO, THREE," "FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN !" "[ All Cheering ]" "DRINKS FOR THE LOSERS." "NICE LITTLE PROFIT." "THIS ONE'S ON THE HOUSE." "THANKS." "YOU HERE ALONE ?" "HUH ?" "ARE YOU HERE ALONE ?" "YEAH." "YOU KNOW, I GET A REALLY GOOD FEELING FROM YOU." "[ Chuckles ] YOU DO ?" "MM-HMM." "GIVE ME YOUR HAND." "YOU'VE GOT A VERY EXCITING AURA." "I BET YOU HEAR THAT ALL THE TIME." "WELL, NOW AND AGAIN." "LET ME TEST IT." "YOUR AURA." "WHAT ?" "TAKE THIS QUARTER." "CLOSE YOUR EYES." "SEE IF YOU CAN RUN THE QUARTER FROM YOUR FOREHEAD TO YOUR CHIN AND THEN FROM EAR TO EAR," "BUT WITHOUT EVER LOSING CONTACT WITH YOUR SKIN." "THAT'S IT ?" "IT'LL TELL US EVERYTHING WE NEED TO KNOW." "[ Chuckles ]" "OOP." "CAN I HAVE MY-- YES, THANK YOU." "HOW'D I DO ?" "I'M SORRY." "I GUESS THE VIBES JUST WEREN'T RIGHT." "[ Laughing ]" "WOW !" "YOU GOT TWO FOURS." "EXCUSE ME." "COULD I SHOW YOU SOMETHING ?" "SURE." "OH, GOD." "WHY AM I SUCH A TURD ?" "IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE HERE." "VODKA TONIC, PLEASE." "ONLY A DIP WOULD FALL FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT." "WELL, YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT." "YEAH, SURE." "UH-- [ Chuckles ]" "IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M GONNA FIND A VERY TALL BUILDING WITH A FABULOUS VIEW..." "AND JUMP OFF." "[ Laughs ] OH, OKAY." "TRAILWAYS BUS TERMINAL, PLEASE." "I KNOW JUST THE TALL BUILDING." "WHOO !" "UH, WHY DON'T YOU COME BACK OVER HERE ?" "WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER HERE ?" " I'M COMFORTABLE RIGHT HERE." " WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF ?" "UH, DYING." "I WANT TO BE TOTALLY HONEST." "YOU'RE SCARING THE HELL OUT OF ME." "HEY, I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING." "I HAVEN'T EATEN." "WHAT ABOUT YOU ?" "ARE YOU HUNGRY ?" "WHAT DO YA SAY ?" "I COULD BUY US DINNER." "[ Both Gasp ]" "[ Jonathon Sighs ]" "NOW IAMGONNA JUMP." "IT'S ONLY MONEY." "YEAH, WELL, IT'S MYONLYMONEY." "[ Sighs ] HAVE YOU EVER" " HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE ?" "UH, YEAH." "I WAS PRETTY FOND OF THAT HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILL." "HAVE YOU ?" "YOU'RE ASKIN' ME-- THE TURD ?" "WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE A PRETTY..." "SENSITIVE TURD TO ME." "DO YOU THINK THERE'S, UH, SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME ?" "WELL, LOOK, H-HOW DO I KNOW ?" "I MEAN, I-I DON'T KNOW YOU." "WE CAN FIX THAT." "YEAH, ARE YOU HUNGRY ?" "'CAUSE IAMPRETTY HUNGRY." "WHAT DO YOU SAY ?" "YOUCOULD BUY US DINNER." "SO, WHAT DO YOU WANNA EAT ?" "[ Sighs ] UM," "DO YOU LIKE ITALIAN ?" "UH, CHINESE ?" "UH" " UH, THIS IS AN ELEVATOR." "REALLY ?" "I LOVE ELEVATORS." "I THINK THEY'RE JUST WONDERFUL." "[ Gasps ]" "I LOVE THE WAY THEY GO UP AND DOWN." "[ Panting ] DO YOU ?" "OH, YEAH." "I THINK IT'S GREAT." "WHICH DO YOU PREFER:" "GOING UP..." "OR GOING DOWN ?" "UM, UP" " UP IS FUN." "REALLY ?" "I THINK GOING DOWN IS MUCH MORE EXCITING." "WELL, YEAH, NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, DOWN IS, UH" "[ Exhales ]" "OF COURSE, GOING UP CAN BE A THRILL." "IT DEPENDS." "THAT'S WHAT I THINK" "[ Both Panting ]" "UM, WAIT." "YEAH, UP IS-- DOWN IS" "WAIT." "WAIT." "WHERE-- [ Alarm Blares, Stops ]" "AT THE BACK." "AT THE BACK." "OH, YEAH." "[ Whimpering ] OH, GOD, I'M SO HOT." "[ Both Panting ]" "WOULDN'T YOU PREFER..." "DOING THIS..." "LYING DOWN ?" "UH, YEAH, SURE, WHATEVER." "OR MAYBE YOU'D PREFER DOING IT STANDING UP." "OH, MY" " OH, MY-- I THINK I BETTER LIE DOWN." "JUST-JUST SLOW DOWN." "JUST SLOW DOWN." "OKAY." "KISS ME." "JONATHON, JONATHON !" "MY HAIR'S STUCK." "WHAT ?" "OH." "SORRY." "OKAY." "THAT'S BETTER." "WHAT'S THAT ?" "WAIT A MINUTE." "THE SHEET." "JUST PULL THE SHEET OUT." "HOW'RE YOU DOING ?" "OH, GOOD !" "GOOD." "[ Panting ] AREN'T I ?" "LOOK, IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS NOW." "MAYBE SOMETHING'S HAPPENED TO HIM." "I THOUGHT HE'D BE BACK BY FRIDAY." "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE." "I CAN'T KEEP COVERING FOR HIM." "WHERE THE HELL IS HE ?" "HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW ?" "YOU HAD TO SEND THE LITTLE DOUCHE BAG OFF TO RUSH STREET, DIDN'T YA ?" "AW, SHUT UP, YA CLONE." "UP YOUR TUBE, GEEK." "THAT'S IT." "I'M TELLING KENNEDY." "HONORABLE THING TO DO, SKIP." "IT'S BEEN NICE KNOWIN' YOU." " WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN ?" " [ Chuckles ]" "[ Roscoe ] OH, MY GOD." "[ All Hoot, Whistle ]" "[ Chattering, Laughing ]" "VERY IMPRESSIVE, MR. OGNER." "IN A FUCKIN' ELEVATOR ?" "THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME." "[ Both Laughing ] I CAN'T STAND IT !" "OH, IT STUCK BETWEEN THE 51st AND 52nd FLOOR." "[ Laughs ] HOW OLD IS SHE ?" "OH, GOD" " MID-30s." "[ Chuckles ] OH, GOD !" "GOD !" "[ Laughing ] FUCKIN' ELEVATOR ?" "FUCKIN' ELEVATOR !" "WHOA !" "NOW, LET'S EACH OF US TAKE A MOMENT TO LOOK WITHIN OURSELVES..." "AND ASK FOR GUIDANCE AND STRENGTH." "OUR HEAVENLY FATHER, HOW BIG ?" "MAY YOU LOOK DOWN ON EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US," "AND GIVE US THE WILL AND PURITY OF MIND..." "[ Grunts ]" "TO FOLLOW YOUR WAY." "WHAT'S HER NAME ?" "ELLEN." "SHE'S A FASHION DESIGNER." "I TOLD HER I'M AT NORTHWESTERN WORKING ON MY PhD." "AND SHE BOUGHT IT ?" "AND YOU REALLY-- MMM." "MM-HMM." "JESUS." "AND SHE REALLY-- JESUS !" "MM-HMM." "HEY, YOU WANNA BE CAREFUL ?" "OH, MAN." "HEY !" "THERE HE IS !" "THAT GUY, JONATHON !" "MR. PORNO !" "THE RUSH STREET CASANOVA !" "THE GUY IS ANANIMAL!" "[ Chattering Continues ]" "YOU LADY-KILLER !" "[ Radio Announcer ] RIGHT." "IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE IN AN EARLY-SPRING WINTER MODE." "[ Radio Continues ]" "OKAY." "SEE YA MONDAY." "WAIT A MINUTE !" "WAIT A MINUTE !" "LISTEN TO THIS." ""ONE OUT OF EVERY TWO MALES EXPERIENCES IMPOTENCE..." "AT LEAST ONCE IN HIS LATE TEENS."" "ONE OUT OF TWO." "HOLY SHIT." "WELL, HAVE A SWELL WEEKEND." "GIVE ELLEN MY LOVE." "[ Crying Out ]" "[ Sighing, Panting ]" "[ Murmuring ]" "[ Both Laughing ]" "OH, JONATHON." "HMM ?" "WHAT DO YOU THINK ?" "ARE YOU READY ?" "MM-HMM." "IT'S CALLED AN INSTANT MARGARITA." "[ Sighs ] READY WHEN YOU ARE." "OPEN." "AH" "SWALLOW." "SWALLOW !" "[ Coughing, Spluttering ]" "DO YOU WANT SOME WATER ?" "OPEN." "[ Coughing ] YES." "AH !" "CUT IT OUT !" "WANT A LITTLE MORE ?" "[ Laughing ] JUST TRYING TO HELP !" "YOU'RE DEALING WITH AN ANIMAL HERE, OKAY ?" "OH, MY." "ALL RIGHT." "NO MORE MR. NICE GUY." "WHAT ?" "OH, MY GOD." "AAH !" "THAT'S IT, BABY." "YOU WANNA PLAY ROUGH ?" "HUH ?" "YOU WANNA PLAY ROUGH ?" "[ Shrieking Laughing ]" "[ Both Panting ]" "I LOVE YOU." "[ Jonathon ] NOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE" "THEY RUIN A GOOD THING WITH PRESSURE AND STRINGS-- THEY SUFFOCATE EACH OTHER." "I DON'T WANT THAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP." "I DON'T THINK YOU DO EITHER." "YOU KNOW, ELLEN, WHEN I SAID I LOVED YOU," "I DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO GET THE IMPRESSION THAT I ACTUALLY LOVE YOU." "IT'S A CLICHE ONE FALLS BACK ON IN THIS SITUATION." "WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY IS I VERY MUCH LIKE YOU." "BUT WE SHOULDN'T EXAGGERATE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THAT." "IT'S-- WE HAVE A GOOD TIME TOGETHER." "INSTEAD OF YOU COMING DOWN NEXT WEEKEND, WHY DON'T I COME UP ?" "UP ?" "YEAH." "TO NORTHWESTERN." "WE'LL STAY AT YOUR PLACE." "MY PLACE" " AT NORTHWESTERN ?" "YEAH, GREAT." "THAT'S A GREAT IDEA." "WHEN DO YOU WANT TO COME UP ?" "NEXT WEEKEND." "UH, YEAH, NEXT WEEKEND I WON'T BE THERE." "I'LL BE, UH-- I'LL BE IN THE CITY." "OH, CHICAGO ?" "YEAH." "NO." "NO, NEW YORK." "I HAVE TO ATTEND A SEMINAR." "WELL, THAT'S EVEN BETTER." "WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME." "IN NEW YORK ?" "YEAH." "WE'LL DO THE WHOLE ROMANTIC BULLSHIT ROUTINE." "WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME." "IN NEW YORK." "[ Chuckles ]" "♪♪♪♪ [ Humming ]" "WAKE UP, LIMP DICK !" "[ Groans ]" "RISE AND SHINE." "COME ON, YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CHAPEL." "LET'S GO !" "I'M GOIN', I'M GOIN', I'M GOIN'." "JESUS !" "WHAT ?" "YOU LOOK HORRIBLE." "[ Snickers ]" "OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT." "WHAT NOW ?" "NEW YORK." "[ Laughs ]" "I TOLD HER I'D MEET HER IN NEW YORK." "IN NEW YORK ?" "JESUS, YOU" " WHAT, DO YOU LOVE THIS CHICK ?" "HUH ?" "DOES SHE KNOW YOU LOVE HER ?" "[ Groans ]" "NO, REALLY" " DOES SHE KNOW YOU LOVE HER ?" "DOES SHE KNOW YOU'VE GONE OFF THE DEEP END ?" "ALL'S I KNOW IS I GOTTA FIND A SEMINAR IN NEW YORK." "[ Both Scoff ]" "WHAT ARE WE DOIN' ?" " GETTING RID OF THAT EYESORE." " I HAPPEN TO LIKE THIS EYESORE." "[ Clears Throat ] MAY I HELP YOU ?" "YES." "COULD WE TRY THIS JACKET IN HIS SIZE, PLEASE ?" "39 REGULAR." "WE'RE NOT GETTING RID OF IT ENTIRELY." "WE'RE JUST GIVING IT A MUCH-NEEDED REST." "SIR." "UH-HUH." " MA'AM." " OKAY." "ALL RIGHT." "VERY NICE." " WHAT DO YOU THINK ?" "VERY DISTINGUISHED." "UH, NOW SLACKS." "MM-HMM." "MAY I SUGGEST SOMETHING" "GREY FLANNEL." "THIRTY-ONE." "UH, THIRTY." " NOW, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT MY TROUSERS ?" " THE SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES." "ALL RIGHT, SIR." "YOU'LL FIND THE DRESSING ROOM RIGHT OVER THERE." "THANK YOU." "ELLEN ?" "SHIT." "SHIT !" "SIR." "SIR !" "[ Alarm Sounds ]" "[ Alarm Continues ] ELLEN !" "ELLEN !" "I HAVE TO CATCH HER !" "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ?" "HEY !" "COME ON." "COME ON." "[ Horn Honking ]" "HIYA, TIGER." "WHAT AM I GONNA DO ?" "I DON'T KNOW HER NUMBER." "I DON'T KNOW HER ADDRESS." "I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER LAST NAME." "KNEW HER PRETTY WELL, DID YA ?" "I'M SORRY." "LOOK, SHE WAS BOUND TO FIND OUT ABOUT IT SOONER OR LATER." "YEAH." "I JUST WISH IT WAS LATER, YOU KNOW ?" "CHRIST." "WHAT ?" "LET'S GO !" "HEY, YOU GONNA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN BED ?" "DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE TAKING THIS A LITTLE HARD ?" "YOU'VE GOTTA GO TO DINNER." "COME ON." "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D FORGO EGGPLANT SURPRISE." "I'M NOT HUNGRY." "THAT'S NO REASON NOT TO EAT THE SHIT." "COMING OR NOT ?" "LAST CHANCE." "ONE MORE CHANCE." "THIS IS YOUR FINAL AND LAST CHANCE." "[ Sighs ] LEAVE ME ALONE !" "[ Mock Whimpering ] I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE." "YOU DON'T WANNA DO ANYTHING." "YOU DON'T WANNA COME OUT TO DINNER ANYMORE." "YOU DON'T WANNA GO ANYWHERE." "[ Receding, Indistinct ] [ Chuckling ] WHAT A JERK." "VERY WELL DONE, MR. JENKINS." "EXTRAORDINARILY AVERAGE, MR. MAYBAUM." "VERY NICE, MR. JACKSON." "VERY PERCEPTIVE, MR. BURROUGHS." "TOO VAGUE, MR. GOOBSER." "I THINK WE HAVE SOMETHING REALLY MEDIOCRE HERE, MR. OGNER." "LET'S NOT KEEP IT UP." "OFFENDED ALL MY SENSIBILITIES, MR. RUSKIN." "[ Bell Rings ] HEY, JONATHON, WAIT UP." "WELL, A C-PLUS." "NOW YOU'VE REALLY GOT SOMETHING TO BE DEPRESSED ABOUT." "EVEN ROGER GOT A B-MINUS." "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT." "SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO FOR CHRISTMAS" " CRUCIFY YOURSELF ?" "JONATHON, I THINK YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT HERE." "I DO." "DO YOU ?" "SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL." "SHE WAS WONDERFUL." "BUT A FUCK" "IT'S JUST A FUCK." "YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES YOU'RE A REAL ASSHOLE." "FINE !" "I'M AN ASSHOLE." "BUT YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST GUY TO EVER GET DUMPED ON." "YOU KNOW, ONE THING I DON'T NEED RIGHT NOW IS THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SKIPPY HERE." "DO US BOTH A FAVOR, HUH ?" "JUST SHUT UP." "OKAY, MR. DEPTH." "WALLOW IN IT." "[ Bell Rings ]" "DAMN IT, ROGER, WOULD YOU HURRY UP ?" "DON'T RUSH ME." " WE'RE PLAYING POKER." "WANT ME TO COME HELP ?" "GO !" " ALL RIGHT." "ALL RIGHT." "DOES A FULL HOUSE BEAT A FLUSH, OR DOES A FLUSH BEAT A FULL HOUSE ?" "AW, SHIT." "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE GAME." "WHAT THE HELL ?" "HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TELL YOU ?" " COME ON !" " [ All Chattering ]" "[ Loud Thudding ] WHAT WAS THAT ?" "WHO KNOWS ?" "HEY, IT'S JONATHON." "HE'S REALLY FREAKIN' OUT." "[ Roscoe Scoffs ] OH, GREAT." "JONATHON'S ALWAYS FREAKIN' OUT." "WE GOTTA RE-DEAL." " WHAT DO YOU MEAN, RE-DEAL ?" "SO WHAT ?" " HE HAD TO LEAVE." " NO, IT'S A RE-DEAL." "HEY, NO." " IF IT WAS YOUR CARDS YOU WOULDN'T DO IT." " AFTER, UH, SOMEONE LEAVES, IT DOESN'T COUNT." " GIMME THOSE CARDS." " IT'S A NULL" " NULL GAME." " NO WAY !" "NO WAY !" "GET OUTTA HERE." "NO, NO." "IF IT WAS YOUR CARDS, YOU WOULDN'T RE-DEAL." "GODDAMN IT !" "JONATHON !" "JESUS CHRIST !" "JONATHON !" "[ Dog Barking ]" "JONATHON !" "JONATHON !" "JONATHON !" "COME BACK HERE !" " FUCK YOU !" "GODDAMN IT, JONATHON, STOP !" "LEAVE ME ALONE !" "[ Groans ] COME ON, SHUT UP !" "SHUT UP !" "LISTEN, MAN, YOU'RE GONNA GET KICKED OUTTA HERE," "AND YOU CAN KISS YOUR WHOLE FUCKING FUTURE GOOD-BYE, INCLUDING HARVARD." "DO YOU HEAR ME ?" "[ Muffled ]" "KICKED YOU OUT, DIDN'T HE ?" "I, UH" "I JUST CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW." "HEY, LOOK." "MY PARENTS GIVE A SHITLOAD OF MONEY TO THIS PLACE." "NOBODY'S KICKING YOU OUT." "HEY, WHAT'S DONE IS DONE." "YOU DIRT CLOD." "[ Laughing ] HARVARD ACCEPTED YOU ALREADY ?" "HEY, HEADMASTER KENNEDY SAID AND I QUOTE:" ""JONATHON, YOU ARE A CREDIT TO US ALL." END QUOTE." "YOU SAVED MY LIFE." "OH, YOU STILL OWE ME A BLOW JOB." "GOD, I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT." "JESUS, JONATHON." "YOU CAN'T FORGET THESE THINGS, MY MAN." "WE'RE DRINKIN'." "IT'S ON YOU." "YEAH, OF COURSE." "OH, MA, COME ON." "WE CAN TRIM THE TREE WHEN I GET THERE." "I'M ONLY GONNA BE GONE THE FIRST FOUR DAYS." "[ Laughs ] MOM, I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS." "[ Bell Ringing ] OH, I GOTTA GO." "I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I GET THERE." "TELL HER I SAID HELLO-- I LOVE YOU TOO, YEAH." "OKAY, BYE." "[ Groans ] OH, MOM." "♪♪♪♪ [ Rock ]" "[ Woman ] ♪♪ COME, THEY TOLD ME ♪♪" "♪♪ PARRUP-PAPA-PUM ♪♪" "♪♪ A NEWBORN KING TO SEE PARRUP-PAPA-PUM ♪♪" "♪♪ OUR FINEST GIFTS WE BRING PARRUP-PAPA-PUM ♪♪" "♪♪ TO LAY BEFORE THE KING PARRUP-PAPA-PUM ♪♪" "♪♪ RUP-PAPA-PUM RUP-PAPA-PUM ♪♪" "♪♪ SO TO HONOR HIM PARRUP-PAPA-PUM ♪♪" "♪♪ WHEN WE COME ♪♪♪♪" "WELCOME TO TOAD HALL." "I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A VULGAR DISPLAY OF WEALTH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE." "[ Chuckling ] HOW DO I GET ONE ?" "WELL, YOU CAN DO WHAT WE DID." "BOOTLEGGING BOUGHT THE PLACE." "BOOTLEGGING ?" "UH-HUH." "BEFORE GRAMPS WENT LEGIT." "HUH." "[ Shivers ]" "OH, THESE ARE NOT FOR YOU, OKAY ?" "REMEMBER." "THANKS." "I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A MUSEUM." "OH, IT'S NOT MUCH, BUT IT'S HOME." " MAGGIE !" " SKIP !" "HI, GORGEOUS !" "GREAT." "HOW YOU DOIN' ?" "I WANT YOU TO MEET JONATHON, MY ROOMMATE AND A CHRONIC BED WETTER." "YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD FOR ME TO PUT YOU OVER MY KNEE NOW." "REALLY ?" "OH, DO IT NOW, MAGGIE." "OH, YOU'RE CRAZY !" "[ Laughing ]" "NO, I GOT IT." "[ Clock Chimes ]" "WOW !" "HEY." "HEY, HEY." "[ Sighs ] YOU KNOW, THIS ROOM..." "HAS ALWAYS HAD A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART." "COME HERE." "WHAT ?" "UH, I'D BETTER NOT." "YOU'D BETTER !" "YOU WANT TO GET GOOD AND RIPPED FOR AN EVENING AT HOME WITH THE BURROUGHS." "LISTEN, DON'T LET THE OLD MAN SCARE YOU." "IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET ON HIS GOOD SIDE," "TELL HIM YOU'VE GOT A HARD-ON FOR FIRM GOVERNMENT CONTROL." "GOVERNMENT CONTROL, JONATHON, IS AN ANATHEMA TO THE FREE ENTERPRISE SYSTEM." "ANY INTELLIGENT PERSON KNOWS THAT YOU CANNOT INTERFERE..." "WITH THE LAWS OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND." "WELL, I SEE YOUR POINT, SIR." "THAT'S WHY I'M NOT FOR TARIFFS." "RIGHT" "NO, WRONG !" "YOU GOTTA HAVE TARIFFS, SON !" "HOW YOU GONNA COMPLETE WITH THE DAMNED FOREIGNERS ?" "YOU GOTTA HAVE TARIFFS." "REALLY, JONATHON." "HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLIND ?" "[ Door Opens, Closes ]" "WE'RE IN HERE, DEAR." "COME ON IN." "WE'RE HAVING A DRINK." "MOM ?" "MOM !" "ARE THESE FOR ME ?" "YES." "HERE, LET ME HAVE THEM." "MMM !" "[ Kissing ]" "OH, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY ROOMMATE, JONATHON." "JONATHON, THIS IS MY MOM." "UH" " UH, V-VERY NICE TO MEET YOU, MRS. BURROUGHS." "HELLO." "HELLO." "UM" " WELL" "I WOULD LIKE TO FRESHEN UP." "SO I THINK I WILL FRESHEN UP." "AND, UH, I'LL SEE YOU ALL AT DINNER." "DARLING-- [ Smooches ]" "[ Mr. Burroughs ] WELL, LET'S SEE." "WHERE WERE WE BEFORE WE WERE INTERRUPTED?" "OH, YES." "GOVERNMENT INTERFERENCE." "I'M ALSO ADAMANTLY OPPOSED TO..." "THE GOVERNMENT BAILING OUT CORPORATIONS." "UNLESS, IT'S ONE OF OUR CORPORATIONS." "[ Burroughs Chuckles ] QUICK." "PRETTY QUICK, HUH, JONATHON ?" "A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK" "[ Whispering ] HOLY FUCKING SHIT." "JONATHON ?" "YES, SIR." "EVIDENTLY, YOU AND I HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON." " CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THAT MIGHT BE ?" " [ Gasps ]" "OH, LEAVE IT." "MAGGIE'LL GET IT." "UH, MAGGIE !" " [ Sobbing ]" "JONATHON," "I, TOO, WAS THE FIRST BOY IN MY CLASS AT VERNON TO BE ACCEPTED AT HARVARD." "OH." "[ Ellen ] JONATHON, HOW WONDERFUL." "CONGRATULATIONS." "WON'T DON'T YOU TRY THE ROAST, DEAR ?" "IT'S A SUPERB CUT." "THANK YOU, SWEETHEART." "WISH WE HAD FOOD LIKE THIS AT OLD "VERMIN."" "THEY'D PROBABLY HAVE A LOT FEWER SUICIDES." "IF YOU CONCENTRATED MORE ON YOUR STUDIES AND LESS ON YOUR BAD JOKES," "PERHAPS YOU TOO WOULD BE ACCEPTED TO HARVARD BY NOW." "WELL, UH, JONATHON, BACK TO HARVARD." "UH, I IMAGINE THIS IS A VERY EXCITING TIME IN YOUR LIFE." "OH, YES." "YEAH, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT." "I BET YOU ARE." "WELL, IT'S A TURNING POINT, REALLY." "YEAH." "IF YOU STUDY HARD AT HARVARD," "YOU'LL BE ABLE TO WRITE YOUR OWN TICKET." "DARLING, GET ME SOME MORE WINE, WOULD YOU ?" "WHY DON'T YOU WAIT FOR LAST COURSE, DEAR ?" "THAT WAS QUITE A DISPLAY YOU PUT ON AT THE DINNER TABLE TONIGHT." "I GUESS IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU DO IN PRIVATE." "♪♪ [ Stereo ] ♪♪ TIDINGS OF COMFORT AND JOY ♪♪" "BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, LADY." "AS LONG AS YOU'RE IN THIS HOUSE WITH ME REPRESENTING THIS FAMILY," "YOU'LL CONTROL THAT NEUROSIS OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT." "♪♪ O COME YE O COME YE TO BETHLEHEM ♪♪" "AND YOU'LL BEHAVE LIKE A BURROUGHS, EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE ONE." "IS THAT CLEAR ?" "♪♪ COME AND BEHOLD HIM ♪♪" "♪♪ BORN THE KING OF ANGELS ♪♪" "♪♪ O COME LET US ADORE HIM ♪♪" "♪♪ O COME LET US ADORE-- ♪♪♪♪" "JONATHON ?" "JONATHON, I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU." "WHAT DO YOU WANT ?" " I'M SO SORRY." " SORRY ?" "JESUS, COME ON." "YOUR SON IS IN THE NEXT ROOM !" "I WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE IT IF I'D KNOWN WHO YOU WERE." "I" " I NEED TO EXPLAIN." "NO !" "NO, YOU DON'T." "PLEASE ?" "JESUS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME." "IF YOU WANT UNDERSTANDING, OKAY" "I UNDERSTAND." "WOULD YOU PLEASE HOLD ME ?" "WOULD YOU ?" "NO, I CAN'T !" "[ Knocking ] -[ Skip ] HEY, ACE, YOU AWAKE ?" "[ Skip Groaning ] OHH, SHIT !" "OW !" "[ Grunts ]" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?" "UH, I WAS TRYING TO OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOU." "I TRIPPED." "[ Chuckles ] WHAT A GONAD." "[ Chuckles ]" "GET DRESSED." "[ Relieved Sigh ]" "SO, WHAT DID YOU THINK OF DINNER ?" "IT'S, UH, PRETTY FUCKING ENTERTAINING, HUH ?" "DO YOU EVER WONDER IF YOUR PARENTS STILL DO IT ?" "[ Chuckles ]" "UH, ACTUALLY, I THINK, UH," "MY PARENTS HAVE A PRETTY NORMAL RELATIONSHIP." "HE TELLS HER EXACTLY WHAT TO DO, AND SHE IGNORES HIM." " I'M NEVER GETTIN' MARRIED." " NEITHER AM I." "THAT'LL BREAK A LOT OF HEARTS." "HOW YOU DOING, JONATHON ?" "GOOD !" "GOOD MAN." "WHO WANTS TO RACE ME TO THE FENCE ?" "HOW ABOUT YOU, SKIP ?" "HYAH !" "[ Horse Neighs ]" "COME ON !" "HOW ARE YOU ?" "I WANT YOU OFF THIS PROPERTY TODAY." "HOW WAS THE SNOW WHERE YOU WERE ?" "IT WAS FABULOUS !" "WE HAD FIVE INCHES OF PACKED POWDER." "GREAT." "OH, MAN." "COMING BACK HERE IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH." "HAVIN' TO FACE EXAMS IS ALMOST MORE THAN I CAN BEAR." "AND TO EXAMINE YOUR FACE IS ALMOST MORE THAN WE CAN BEAR." "[ Laughs ] FUNNY !" "YOU'RE A MINDLESS IDIOT, I MEAN IT." "YOU'RE A WIT, ROSCOE." "YOU'RE A TRUE WIT." "I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER." "SEE YOU." "BYE." "♪♪♪♪ [ Trumpet Blows Off Key ]" "[ Skip ] OKAY, YOU GUYS, THE KID IS BACK !" " HEY, BUDDY." " MISS ME ?" "DO YOU THINK AN INVESTIGATION OF OUR STUDENTS IS NECESSARY ?" "YES, I DO." "SO DOES THE STATE OF ILLINOIS." "I WANT TO SEE THE STUDENT FILES AS SOON AS POSSIBLE." "I THINK THE ONLY WAY TO CLEAR UP THE PROBLEM IS" "IS THERE SOMEBODY OUT THERE ?" "UH, YES, SIR." "IT'S ME, SIR." "AND WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, MR. MAYBAUM ?" "OH, UH-- MRS. HAYWORTH NEEDS YOUR SIGNATURES RIGHT HERE." "I MEAN, SIGNATURE." "SIGN IT." "[ Screaming ]" "I DON'T GET IT !" "I DON'T GET IT !" "I DON'T WANT TO GET IT !" "I HATE IT !" "SKIP-- NO, FORGET IT !" "THERE'S NO WAY." "I'M A DEAD MAN." "ADIOS, HARVARD." "BONJOUR,TRADE TECH." "OKAY, LOOK." "LOOK." "IF THE AREA UN-- SKIP !" "IF THE AREA UNDER THE CURVE REPRESENTED BY "F" TIMES THE QUANTITY "X"..." "IS BOUND BY VERTICAL LINES, "X" EQUALS SUB-"A" AND "X" EQUALS SUB-"B,"" "WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO FIND ?" "A GUN." "IT'S HOPELESS." "[ Knocking ] HEY, MEETING IN ROSCOE'S ROOM AFTER LIGHTS OUT." "HEY, I'VE GOT A MEETING IN THREE HOURS, I'D BETTER GET READY." "[ Phone Ringing ] I HEARD HE WAS TALKING ABOUT SOME KIND OF INVESTIGATION." "WHAT KIND OF INVESTIGATION ?" "I DON'T KNOW." "THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU." "[ Coded Knocking ]" "[ Coded Knocks Continue ]" "[ Together ] TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT." "JONATHON, TELEPHONE." ""JONATHON, TELEPHONE."" "[ Laughing ]" "HELLO." "OH, GOD-- [ Ellen ] JONATHON." "HOW ARE YOU ?" "ARE YOU SERIOUS ?" "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY GOOD-BYE BEFORE YOU LEFT ?" "LOOK, YOU ORDERED ME OFF THE PROPERTY !" "DID I ?" "DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME." "I HAVE TO SEE YOU." "YEAH, I CAN'T TALK." "I GOTTA GO." "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF." "YEAH-- YEAH, YOU TOO." "WHY DON'T WE JUST KILL THE GUY ?" "IF WE COULD." "WHO WAS IT ?" "HUH ?" "ON THE PHONE ?" "OH, MY MOM." "DOG DIED." "NO SHIT ?" "WHAT DOES THIS GUY LOOK LIKE ?" "HITLER, MAN." "THE GUY LOOKS LIKE HITLER." "[ Laughing ]" "HE'S GOT A LITTLE MUSTACHE, BEADY LITTLE EYES." "I WALKED IN." "HE STARES RIGHT THROUGH YOU." "THE BASTARD NEVER BLINKS, MAN." "I WAS IN THERE FOR FIVE MINUTES." "THE GUY DIDN'T BLINK ONCE, MAN." "HE STARES RIGHT THROUGH YOU." "HE GOES." "NO SHIT." "[ Laughing ]" "WE'LL BE STAYING HOME NOW, SON." "[ Phone Ringing ]" "YEAH !" "ALL RIGHT." "SO IT'S ME, ROGER, DOUG AND BARRY." "[ Coded Knocks ]" "[ Knocking Continues ]" "[ Together ] FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT." "PHONE AGAIN FOR JONATHON." "HIS DOG DIED AGAIN." "[ Chuckles ] HIS DAD CALLED TO TELL HIM HIS MOM DIED." "SHH." "OKAY, LOOK." "HERE'S THE PLAN." "THIS IS A BEDROOM." "THERE'S A WINDOW RIGHT HERE." "NOW, IF IT'S CLEAR, YOU ALL COME AROUND THIS CORNER," "AND WE'LL ALL GO THROUGH THE WINDOW." "SEARCH FOR ANYTHING WE CAN FIND." "YEAH, I'M STILL HERE." "[ Ellen ] JUST TO TALK." "JUST FOR AN HOUR." "I CAN'T, OKAY ?" "JONATHON." "YEAH." "JUST FOR AN HOUR !" "PLEASE." "COME ON, DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE." "JESUS." "♪♪♪♪ [ Singing ]" "♪♪♪♪ [ Continues, Indistinctly ]" "♪♪♪♪ [ Vocalizing:" ""Flight Of The Bumblebee" ]" "♪♪♪♪ [ Continues ]" "OKAY, LET'S GO." "COME ON !" "COME ON !" "♪♪♪♪ [ Continues ]" "SHH, GET DOWN." "♪♪♪♪ [ Continues ]" "HOLY SHIT !" " WHAT ?" " THE GUY'S A FUCKIN' NARC !" "SHHH !" "HELLO !" "HELLO ?" "HELLO ?" "SHIT !" "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE !" "[ Panicked Chatter ]" "OKAY, TAKE THE FUCKING DOOR !" "[ Chatter Continues ] IS ANYBODY THERE ?" "[ Confused Chatter ]" "GET OUTTA MY WAY !" "GET OUTTA MY WAY !" "COMIN' THROUGH !" "SHIT !" "COME ON, MAN." "MOVE IT !" " GO !" " HELLO !" "[ Toilet Flushing ]" " I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS." "WHEN'S THE BUST ?" "I DUNNO." "MAYBE TONIGHT." "[ Panicked Chattering ]" "WHAT'S GOIN' ON ?" "THE GUY IS A NARC !" "YOU BETTER DUMP IT ALL !" "I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH EXAMS NOW !" "[ Toilet Flushing ] -[ Indistinct Chatter ]" "IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING, YOU'D BETTER DUMP IT." "HOW ARE YOU GONNA FLUSH THAT ?" "WATCH ME." " [ Painful Scream ]" "OUTTA MY WAY !" "I GOTTA GET THROUGH TO FLUSH THIS !" "MAKE WAY, GENTLEMEN." "THANKS." "READ 'EM AND WEEP." "I KNOW I GOT IN." "THIS HAS GOT TO BE A MISTAKE !" "ALL RIGHT !" "[ Whoops ]" "[ Continues Whooping ]" "ALL RIGHT !" "ALL RIGHT !" "WHOO-HOO !" "[ Whooping ]" "JONATHON !" "WHOO HOO-HOO-HOO !" "WHOO HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO !" "[ Laughing ]" "♪♪ YADDA YADDA DADA YADDA YADDA DADA ♪♪" "♪♪ YADA DADA DADA DA ♪♪♪♪" "WELL ?" "YOU PASSED." ""PASS," MY ASS !" "A-BING, A-BING." "WE'RE NUMBER ONE AND TWO, ME AND YOU !" "THANKS TO YOU, I'M A FRIGGIN' GENIUS !" "HEY, SO WE'RE GONNA PARTY OUR BALLS OFF, AND WE'RE GONNA START RIGHT NOW." "I CAN'T." "I GOTTA GO TO CHICAGO." "I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR THAT." "CHICAGO ?" "GREAT THINKIN' I OWN THE TOWN." "WE'LL TRASH IT." "NO." "COME ON." "I'M GOIN' ALONE, SKIP." "OH, JESUS." "NOT THAT SHIT AGAIN ?" "COME ON !" "I TOLD YOU TO FORGET ABOUT HER !" "YOU'RE NEVER GONNA FIND HER." "HEY, I'M NOT GOIN' FOR THAT." "I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE, OKAY ?" "OKAY." "THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE FEELIN' SAD AND BLUE," "DON'T EXPECT OLD SKIPPER HERE TO PUT ON HIS BIG RED NOSE..." "AND FLOPPY SHOES JUSTPOUR VOUS." "ADIOS, MR. MOROSE." "YEAH !" "[ Laughing ]" "JESUS CHRIST, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO CALLS YOU UP EVERY WEEK FOR A MONTH." "OKAY ?" "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?" "YOUR SON IS MY ROOMMATE-- MY BEST FRIEND, OKAY ?" "[ Laughs ] I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARGUE ABOUT THIS." "LOOK," "I CAME HERE TODAY 'CAUSE I FELT SORRY FOR YOU." "WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET OFF TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT ?" "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME." "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE !" "WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU IN THAT BAR," "YOU WERE PATHETIC." "YOU WERE A SYMPATHY FUCK." "JESUS CHRIST." "YOU'D BETTER GO, JONATHON." "UM, ROOM SERVICE." "IT'S ROOM 1017." "I'D LIKE A BOTTLE OF VODKA SENT UP RIGHT AWAY." " OH, THAT'LL REALLY HELP, WON'T IT ?" " YES, IT WILL, JONATHON." "A DAMNED SIGHT MORE THAN YOU WILL !" "1017." "I ASKED YOU TO GO." "YOU CAN'T CALL ME ANYMORE." "I KNOW." "I WON'T." "I'M SORRY." "HOLD ME." "ARE YOU SURE IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT ?" "TRUST ME." "THIS BOY IS IN SERIOUS TROUBLE." "HE'S FORGOTTEN THE MEANING OF THE WORD DEBAUCHERY." "[ All Laughing ] THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT !" "BET YOU'VE NEVER BEEN WITH GUYS AS CRAZY AS US." "[ Laughing, Chattering ] SURE HE'S IN HERE ?" "YEAH, MAN." "I TOLD YOU I FOLLOWED HIM HERE, OKAY ?" "SHH !" "THERE'S GONNA BE A PARTY" "[ Shushing ] ARE YOU READY ?" "[ Whispers ] ROOM SERVICE." "ROOM SERVICE !" "[ Knocking ] ROOM SERVICE !" "[ All Shouting ] SURPRISE !" "[ Laughing, Whooping ]" "[ Laughing Subsides ] OH, SHIT" " OH, I'M SORRY." " SHIT." "UH, MAYBE, UH, WE OUGHT TO LEAVE." "SKIP." "SKIPPER." "JONATHON, AREN'T YOU GOING TO INTRODUCE YOUR FRIEND ?" "SHE GOT A SISTER, JONATHON ?" "[ Laughing ]" "[ Drunken Laughing ]" "[ Girl, Giggling ] OH, THIS IS SURE A PARTY !" "[ Girl #2 ] YEAH !" "WOULD YOU PLEASE EXCUSE ME ?" " COME ON." " SKIP !" "SKIP !" "[ Roscoe ] LIGHTS OUT !" "[ Chuckles ] LOOK, SKIP" "SKIP, COME ON." "LOOK, SKIP, I DIDN'T KNOW WHO SHE WAS !" "I'M REALLY SORRY." "COME ON." "I'M SORRY." "COME ON." "YOU THINK WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS ?" "HEY, THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT." "I TOLD YOU, A FUCK IS JUST A FUCK." "OKAY." "FASTER !" "FASTER !" "[ Groans ]" "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, SKIP ?" "[ Grunts ] DAMN YOU !" "THAT'S CHEAP PLAY, BURROUGHS !" "I'M WARNIN' YOU !" "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THERE ?" "SON OF A BITCH !" "I'LL FIX YOUR ASS !" "[ Grunts ]" "[ Players Shouting ]" " BURROUGHS, YOU BASTARD !" "WATCH THE LANGUAGE !" "BURROUGHS, I HAVE IT WITH YOU !" "GET OUT OF HERE !" " YEAH, LET'S GO !" "[ Mocking Laughter ]" " HEY, MAN-- -[ Player ] BYE-BYE." "TAKE A COLD SHOWER !" " MR. BURROUGHS." " HELLO, JONATHON." "HOW ARE YOU ?" "FINE." "DO YOU KNOW WHEN SKIP WILL BE BACK ?" "HE SHOULD BE BACK SOON." "HOW'VE YOU BEEN ?" "GOOD." "PRETTY BUSY ?" "HOW'S YOUR SOCIAL LIFE ?" "GIRLFRIENDS ?" " NO ?" " OKAY, SIR." " LET'S GET IT OVER WITH." "I CAN'T TAKE THIS." " WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?" "WHAT AM I TALKIN' ABOUT ?" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?" " WILL YOU EXCUSE US ?" " SURE." "WHAT'S WRONG ?" "YOUR MOTHER'S IN THE HOSPITAL." "SHE CHECKED HERSELF IN THREE DAYS AGO." "SHE FELT SHE NEEDED PSYCHIATRIC HELP." "SHE'S GETTING IT." "YOU DON'T SEEM SURPRISED." "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY ?" "WHAT KIND OF ATTITUDE IS THAT ?" "IT'S NOT AN ATTITUDE." "IF SHE THINKS THAT SHE NEEDS HELP, THEN SHE SHOULD GET IT." "FACE IT, DAD." "WE'RE JUST A FUCKED-UP FAMILY." "THAT'S THE GUY." "THAT'S THE NARC." "GENTLEMEN, I AM GOING TO NEED YOUR HELP." "THIS IS MR. BALABAN." "HE IS FROM THE STATE ATTORNEY GENERAL'S OFFICE," "AND HE IS PRESENTLY CONDUCTING AN INVESTIGATION..." "OF THE SCHOOLS IN OUR AREA." "APPARENTLY, THERE HAS BEEN SOME WIDESPREAD CHEATING ON THE S.A.T. TESTS." "[ Student ] CHEATING ?" "MOI ?" "I HOPE THAT MR. BALABAN IS WRONG ABOUT VERNON ACADEMY." "BUT, NONETHELESS, WE ARE GOING TO GIVE HIM OUR FULL COOPERATION." "[ Student Shouts ] YOU'RE DEAD, ROGER !" " YOU STUPID SHIT !" " A NARC, HUH ?" " YOU ASSHOLE !" "I FLUSHED $300 DOWN THE GODDAMNED TOILET !" "[ Chattering Continues ]" "SO, THIS IS A REAL PAIN-IN-THE-ASS WAY TO MEET, ISN'T IT ?" "I HEAR YOU'RE ALREADY HEADED TO HARVARD." "YES." "YOU GOT A NEAR-PERFECT SCORE ON YOUR S.A.T. TEST." "VERY IMPRESSIVE." "NORMALLY, I WOULD HAVE SUSPECTED YOU RIGHT AWAY." "RIGHT AWAY." "BUT YOU'VE BEEN A STRAIGHT-A STUDENT ALL YOUR LIFE, SO..." "THE ONLY CONCLUSION I CAN DRAW IS EITHER YOU'RE INNOCENT," "OR YOU'VE BEEN STEALING TESTS SINCE YOU WERE IN NURSERY SCHOOL." "[ Chuckling ]" "I GUESS WE BETTER GET DOWN TO BUSINESS." "I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS." "DO YOU HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE OF THE STOLEN S.A.T. TESTS ?" "NO, SIR." "DID YOU PURCHASE AN S.A.T. TEST ?" "NO, SIR." "THANK YOU." "I HEARD THEY KEPT OSTROFF IN THERE AN HOUR AND A HALF." "I HEARD THEY NAILED POWERS." "POWERS" " WHAT A JERK-OFF." "THE GUY DIDN'T CHEAT, BUT HE'S SO SCARED HE CONFESSED TO SMOKIN'," "STAYIN' UP AFTER LIGHTS OUT, SNEAKIN' OFF CAMPUS AND SPYIN' ON KENNEDY'S WIFE IN THE CAN." "AH, MAN !" "WELL, I TELL YOU SOMETHING." "IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT MORE THAN SOME FAG..." "FROM THE ATTORNEY GENERAL'S OFFICE TO OPEN THESE LIPS." " YEAH, TWO FAGS." "FUCK YOU, ROSCOE !" "WAIT TILL YOU GET IN THERE." "YOU'LL BE JELL-O GUTS." "HOW YOU DOIN' ?" "YOU HEARD FROM HARVARD ?" "HEY, CONGRATULATIONS." "[ Narrator ] SELDOM SEEN BY CIVILIZED MAN," "THIS SACRED RITUAL OF THE TRIBE WAS CAPTURED BY OUR CAMERAMAN" "[ Voices Clamoring ]" "[ Clamoring Continues ]" "SHUT THE PROJECTOR OFF, PLEASE." "...BURIED SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME." "MORE BODIES FOR THE INQUISITION, MR. MAYBAUM ?" "YES, MA'AM." "MR. SIMONS AND MR. BURROUGHS," "YOU ARE TODAY'S LUCKY WINNERS." " THANK YOU, MA'AM." " SHIT." "I KNOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE OUR FULL COOPERATION..." "TO THIS STUPID AND POINTLESS INVESTIGATION." "BUT WHEN THEY INTERRUPT ONE OF MY CLASSES, IT PISSES ME OFF." "[ Students Laughing ]" "COME IN." "SIT DOWN." "SQUIRE." "SO, THIS IS A REAL PAIN-IN-THE-ASS WAY TO MEET, ISN'T IT ?" "I SEE WHERE YOU'RE, UH, APPLIED TO HARVARD." "I'M AN N.Y.U. MAN MYSELF." "I WORKED MY WAY THROUGH." "GOT A VERY HIGH SCORE ON YOUR S.A.T." "BURROUGHS-- YOU'RE NOT BY ANY CHANCE..." "RELATED TO THE BURROUGHS THAT'S ON THE BOARD OF ATT, ARE YOU ?" "DADDY." "REALLY ?" "[ Chuckles ]" "I MUST IMAGINE THAT THE PRESSURE TO GET INTO HARVARD..." "MUST BE VERY INTENSE." "YOUR GRADES WEREN'T BAD." "YOUR GRADES WERE ALL RIGHT." "BUT IT WAS THE S.A.T. SCORE THAT GOT YOU IN." "I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU THROUGH THIS," "BUT WE'VE ALL DONE THINGS THAT WE'RE ASHAMED OF" "THINGS WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH SOMETIMES PAINFULLY," "BECAUSE ONLY OCCASIONALLY..." "DOES THE OPPORTUNITY PRESENT ITSELF TO RECTIFY OUR MISTAKES." "NOW, WITH THAT SAID, I GUESS WE SHOULD GET DOWN TO BUSINESS." "DO YOU HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE OF THE STOLEN S.A.T. TESTS ?" "MR. BURROUGHS, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING ?" "FUCK YOU." "HE REALLY SAID, "FUCK YOU" ?" "I'M TELLIN' YA, MAN." "HE LOOKED HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYE," "SAID IT AND WALKED OUT." " I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT !" " HE TOLD BALABAN TO GO FUCK HIMSELF." "NO SHIT ?" "NO SHIT." " HE TOLD BALABAN TO GO FUCK HIMSELF !" " [ Students Chattering ]" "[ Chattering Continues ]" "HEY !" "[ Applause Continues ]" "GOOD JOB !" "SKIP !" "COME ON." "WHY DIDN'T YOU TURN ME IN, HUH ?" "I FORGOT." "YOU DON'T TALK." "SAVED MY ASS BUT YOU DON'T TALK TO ME." "THANKS, BUDDY." "MAYBE I CAN DO THE SAME FOR YOU SOMETIME, HUH ?" "WHAT CAN ANYBODY DO FOR MR. PERFECT THOUGH, RIGHT ?" "HEY, I GOT IT !" "I'LL DROP DEAD." "WOULDN'T THAT BE NICE, HUH ?" "I'LL JUST SHOOT MYSELF." "NO, BETTER YET, YOU SHOOT ME AND TAKE MY HEAD AND MOUNT IT NEXT TO THE MOOSE." "THEN YOU CAN TAKE THE PANTIES AND STRETCH 'EM BETWEEN MY EARS." "COME ON, YOU'D LIKE THAT WOULDN'T YOU ?" "YOU'D LOVE THAT !" "OH, COME ON." "HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO SHE WAS ?" "YOU SENT ME TO THE GODDAMN BAR." "YOU SEND HER THERE TO GET LAID TOO ?" "YOU SON OF A BITCH." "YOU WENT BACK THERE EVEN AFTER YOU KNEW WHO SHE WAS." "[ Gasping, Moaning ]" "COME ON !" "GODDAMN IT !" "YOU'RE GONNA TALK TO ME !" " YOU WANT TO TALK ?" " [ Grunts, Groans ]" "TALK." "TALK !" "[ Screams ]" "W-WHOA !" "WHOA !" "OKAY, GET AWAY FROM ME !" "GET AWAY FROM ME !" "YOU" "OKAY, YOU WANT TO TALK ?" "YOU WANNA FUCKING TALK ?" "LYIN' SON OF A BITCH !" "YOU BASTARD !" "COME ON !" "I'M SORRY, MAN." "COME ON !" "LET'S GO !" "COME ON !" "CUT IT OUT !" "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR FUCKIN' ASS !" "COME ON." "CUT IT OUT." " STAY AWAY FROM ME !" " [ Snarling ]" "SKIP !" "SKIP !" "YOU SON OF A BITCH !" "GET OFF, MAN." "GET OFF." "[ Grunts ]" "COME ON." "COME ON." " GODDAMN YOU !" " JUST FUCK OFF !" "TRUCE ?" "TRUCE ?" "SHIT !" "[ Groans ] OHHH !" "[ Both Groaning ]" "I NEVER WOULD'VE SEEN HER AGAIN." "SHE KEPT CALLIN' ME." "I JUST WENT THERE TO TALK." "HONEST TO GOD." "OH, SHIT !" "I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER." "I REALLY WAS." "OH, MAN, I'M SORRY, SKIP." "SKIP ?" "[ Voices Approaching ]" "WHOA !" "JESUS !" "WHOA !" "WHAT'S GOIN' ON ?" "HOLY SHIT !" "HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN FIGHTIN' ?" "UM, THIS LOOKS KIND OF PRIVATE." "DO YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO" "OH." "OH." "OKAY." "YEAH." "YEAH." "NEED ANYTHING, OR YOU KNOW ?" "A NECK BRACE-- RIGHT DOWN THE HALL." "JUST COME TO MY ROOM." "WE'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER." "BYE !" "REAL LATER." "OKAY." "DRIVE SAFELY." "OH, BY THE WAY, YOUR MOM CALLED." "YEAH ?" "THE DOG DIED." "WHAT ?"