""Nine hundred years after the Great Nuke." "The world man created, he destroyed." "Out of the darkness and ignorance of the radioactive rubble emerged a new order..."" ""...and the world was woggos." · ·" ""...and the world was woggos." (In old speak, that means—Crazy!" ")" "AMERICA 3000" "They caught me and a bunch of others on a plugot roundup." ""Plugots" are what the frauls called us then." "That's a fraul; they ran everything." "And that's me, Gruss; a prisoner in the comb of the Friscos." "Their ruler, the Tiara, she was giving us a hot scan deciding what she was gonna do with us." "I didn't need heavy smarts to figure things were going cold neggy;" "that means "very bad."" "Seeder." "Macho..." "Macho..." "Macho." "Frauls called their slaves "machos." They did all the hard work." "Sure wasn't something I wanted to be." "Spirited." "Seeder." "Machos, mark him." "Seeders were for one thing and one thing only: making baby frauls." "The Tiara had picked Korvis out for her own daughter, Vena." "Didn't take much to get the frauls going; the least little thing would set them off." "Red Cross!" "Red Cross!" "Red Cross!" "Get that plugot!" "I was hot scanning for a way out." "Decided to take the first offer that came along." "Denver Brighton" "We headed straight for the old radiation zone." "The frauls call it "the contams."" "We didn't know what we'd find there, but we knew one thing:" "they wouldn't follow us inside." "It was against their regs; their rules." "Let's go." "It was cold hard... but we survived." "One day, Korvis and me were scrounging for something we could use." "What we found would change our world forever." "Uh... not the hat; the book." "Determined to free ourselves from the frauls, we banded together in the contams." "We built our own comb out of pieces of a nuked Mericans' base called Camp Reagan." "I never did figure out what a "Reagan" was." "Horssse" "Ho-rssse..." "Horse." "Mmm..." "Mmmaaan." "Man." "Man." "Man!" "Man!" "(I ain't plugot.) I'm a man!" "I'm a man..." "To the frauls, all men were plugots, but there was a difference between these hairy beasts and us." "They were dumb and hungry." "Really dumb and really hungry." "In those days, there was neggy such thing as a free lunch." "You got what you worked for." "Taking charge, Vena snapped into action!" "Plugots started scurrying... but not soon enough." "Meanwhile, back at the comb, things were going on as usual." "Lakella, the Tiara's second, or next in line, was sharpening up her act." "A fraul was taking her final warrior's test:" "trying to survive a meeting with Aargh the Awful." "Fallout from the Great Nuke had forced Aargh to take a detour from the human race." "One could scan he was neggy gonna find the way back." "Oh my!" "What'd happen to us dear toys if anything happens to the Tiara?" "Red Cross." "Red Cross." "Red Cross..." "Lakella." "Vena." "My children... closer." "I'm gone cold..." "Real cold." "Time's now for new Tiara." "A leader to take us from the past into a new life." "It was my dream; make it yours." "Vena, my daughter, you the Tiara." "Neggy, Reya." "I'm not the one..." "You are now." "Listen." "In my shelt... a map." "Follow it." "Reya, please!" "I don't want to be Tiara!" "Cold." "Tiara!" "Sister?" "I serve the Tiara." "Hot." "While the frauls were weeping, Korvis and me were scrounging." "Scanned like some tasty leftovers." "I went for the weaps;" "Korvis went for the eats." "He found more than he bargained for." "Amie." "Amie was an escaped toy." "Frauls kept them as pets; called them toys." "To make plastic sure they'd stay quiet, they cut off their tongues." "To keep them jello, they cut off something else." "I, Lakella, second to Vena, Tiara of Frisco, give you safe shelter." "I, Freyha, second to Morha, Tiara of Kansos, accept your safe shelter." "Hot surprise, ey, Lakella?" "Your sister being Tiara, not you." "We Kansos figured you for it." "Reya's choice, Tiara Morha." "You go with it?" "It's done." "You could always challenge, Lakella, hm?" "The party will be soon, Tiara Morha." "Lakella's pissed at her sister being Tiara, eh?" "Maybe something for us Kansos in this, huh?" "Hot you made it, Tiara." "Neggy miss it, Vena." "Lots to talk of..." "Today's for partying, not for talking." "Plenty of time for both, Vena." "Today's for partying, not for talking." "Plenty of time for both, Vena." "Once, the world was green, and living." "Then was the Great Nuke." "Death lived everywhere." "All were born sick and unclean." "A living curse from the Mericans and Commies." "Then one day, a baby was born, clean and clear, and the living curse was over!" "The child grew strong and beautiful, and she was called:" "Woman!" "Woman taught her children to follow the Tiara, and obey the regs, and the earth lived again!" "But some disobeyed the regs, and from them came the children of darkness and disease:" "Plugots!" "Plugots to be hunted and nuked 'til neggy are left!" "Vena of Frisco, solemn swear to enforce the regs, oversee the birthing and rule the comb" "Until the Prezzydent comes to lead us into New Tomorrow?" "Solemn swear." "The frauls were having a hot time." "We were getting ready to give them a hot time of our own." "Frauls; hot partying, getting all loose and woggoed." "Effing frauls." "Nuke 'em all." "Neggy, Gruss." "Nuking frauls gets us nothing but nuked frauls, but, we burn their food shelts, free the machos, frauls starve." "This kind of hide and seeking makes me feel cold." "Well you gotta get hot on new ways, Gruss." "We're gonna be better than the frauls." "We waited a long cold time; now we set it right." "Neggy more machos." "Neggy more toys." "Neggy more seeders?" "Neggy more seeders." "Just men." "Aw, eff it!" "Gimme another one." "How do you figure it, Tiara?" "Well, Vena ain't Reya." "She's weak, huh?" "And her sister Lakella—heh—wants to be Tiara, huh?" "Heh, a little push here..." "A little rumor there, perhaps, huh..." "Soon they'll be fighting each other like plugots in heat, huh?" "And I'll pick up the pieces, huh?" "Tiara?" "The map of the contams." "Reya's last wish." "I got neggy choice." "Well, be careful, Vena." "Just because you're Tiara doesn't mean you can break the regs." "If Lakella finds you're going there she'll death-challenge you for sure!" "Don't worry, Lynka, I'll be careful;" "and I got you on my side." "Not much longer." "My season's here." "Your season...?" "Woggos!" "When?" "Day next." "Being Tiara's easy next to seeding." "Seeding's a cold act, but it's gotta be done." "Well, I'll be there for the birthing, Lynka." "Solemn swear." "Thanks, Vena." "And don't worry about being Tiara:" "I know you're gonna be number one, real hot." "Let's go." "This may be woggos." "Great time to think of it." "Korvis knew just how to create confidence in his men." "He was a born leader." "We expected the machos to greet us with open arms." "We were wrong." "I'm getting Korvis." "Korvis." "What's it?" "Trouble with machos." "Eff it." "Stealing from the frauls was hard work." "I needed something to cool me off." "I needed some more." "I'm Korvis." "I'm a free man." "You're machos—slaves!" "You like crap eats?" "You like being beaten?" "Treated like beasts?" "We're offering freedom." "Neggy more beatings; neggy more macho pits; freedom." "Scan it?" "You hungry?" "We got hot eats." "There's plenty more where that came from." "Frauls took his tongue, not his head." "Who's next?" "Everything was going hot plastic, until..." "Come outta there!" "I won't leave any man behind!" "Effing woggos!" "It was downhill from there." "—My break was over; time to get back to work." "—What!" "?" "Frauls were neggy loose and woggoed now." "They were cold pissed." "Going where, Freyha?" "After the plugots, Tiara!" "Very cold neggy, my second." "This attack's plastic for us, eh?" "When I call for a union with the Friscos, they'll jump at it." "Then we'll get rid of Vena, put in Lakella, and I'll be riding high!" "Check?" "Effing frauls are gonna catch us damn sure!" "Gruss, you get the men safe to camp." "I'm gonna lead those Friscos into the contams." "Let me go with." "Neggy, Gruss, this is my screw-up!" "Another horse will make more dust." "Check;" "I'll take your horse too." "Stop it!" "Gruss?" "If they nuke me, you're number one." "Never happen." "That's what I was saying, but not what I was feeling." "Trot it now, horse!" "Plastic." "What a day." "You're on your own." "There's only one rider here." "That effing plugot tricked me...!" "Plugots got neggy smarts for tricking nobody, Vena." "Tell that to the plugot, Lakella." "After you," "Tiara." "It was not turning out to be one of Korvis' hotter days." "It scanned like the end for Korvis." "I would have been weeping and wailing for my friend and leader except for one little thing." "From that moment on, I gained a new respect for the written word." "Now all Korvis had to do was get out of there wherever there was." "EMERGENCY SOLAR ACTIVE" "EMERGENCY SOLAR ACTIVE VOICE ACTIVATION CIRCUIT" "Neggy!" "Neggy nuke me!" "Neggy nuke Korvis!" "Neggy, please!" "Neggy nuke me!" "Neggy nuke me!" "FLEETSATCOM TRACKING CONTROL STATION" "FLEETSATCOM TRACKING CONTROL STATION" "FLEETSATCOM TRACKING CONTROL STATION" "FLEETSATCOM TRACKING CONTROL STATION" "FLEETSATCOM TRACKING CONTROL STATION" "FLEETSATCOM TRACKING CONTROL STATION" "What's it?" "Arms?" "New book?" "You're cold quiet." "Go back to the comb without me." "Where's to trot here, Tiara?" "I just need some time alone, Lakella." "Be careful, Tiara." "I'll be." "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "MESSAGE WAITING" "What's it?" "Mister President!" "Mister President!" "Prezzydent?" "Where's the Prezzydent?" "Where's the Prezzydent?" "This is General Greer on board looking glass." "Prezzydent?" "It now appears, Sir, that the NORAD warning computers reporting a massive Soviet first strike were in error, and that negative Soviet or Warsaw Pact missiles were fired first." "Oy, the picture's woggos!" "Neggy Prezzydent here, just Korvis!" "However, in compliance with standing Presidential orders, our computers initiated a total retaliatory response." "All, I repeat, all land and sea-based ICBMs and all, repeat, all cruise missiles have been launched." "At 0300 hours, warning satellites confirmed, repeat, confirmed a Soviet counterstrike." "Mister President, I know I can speak for all of us when I say we didn't ask for this war," "But... damn, Mister President!" "We've won it!" "Caught the Russkies with their pants down!" "Now it's up to you, Sir, to lead us into a new tomorrow." "Goodbye, and good luck, Mister President." "Vena was following the late Tiara's last wish." "What she was gonna discover inside that cave changed the way things were supposed to go for the frauls... and us." "Hey!" "Stop it!" "Stop that noise!" "Stop that noise!" "Stop it!" "Hot box, cold one." "Lels was desperate." "He'd gone to the very edge of the contams searching for his missing toys." "They were safe with us; starting a new life." "Ricky?" "Dove?" "Micky?" "Where are you little toys?" "It's Lels!" "Trot." "Trot!" "Trot!" "Lels simple toy keeper." "Neggy hurt, Prezzydent!" "Neggy hurt, please!" "Lels'll do anything, great and powerful Prezzydent!" "Anything; just don't hurt me." "Please!" "Oh, I believe..." "I believe the legend, great and powerful Prezzydent!" "I believed..." "I scanned one day you was coming and... and lead us to New Tomorrow, and... and, now you're here." "Oh, I believe, Prezzydent, I believe!" "Stop!" "Got a name, half-fraul?" "Lels, oh great and powerful Prezzydent." "Lels, the toy keeper." "Not anymore." "Neggy more toys, neggy more machos." "Neggy more toys?" "Oh..." "That— That's a cold act for Lels." "Very cold act." "What'll I do?" "Prezzydent gonna free all men from frauls." "Lels helps, Prezzydent will help Lels; but if Lels hurts..." "Lels'll help, Lels'll help, oh great and powerful Prezzydent." "Lels knows all about the combs!" "So?" "I scanned Tiara Vena—the new Tiara Vena—worried about proving herself, and Tiara of Kansos wanting to be Tiara of Frisco, and Vena's hottest friend Lynka being seeded!" "Seeding!" "?" "Seeded!" "And this, uh, Lynka hot tight with Vena?" "Plastic hot, Great One, from the time they was small!" "Prezzydent let Lels live for now but if Lels talks about scanning Prezzydent..." "My mouth's shut plastic tight." "Solemn swear." "Solemn swear!" "Check, check." "Now trot it outta here." "Halt!" "Your cart;" "Prezzydent neggy need it." "'Course... eh... sorry." "Lels believes, Prezzydent!" "Prezzydent!" "Okay, move 'em out." "What's keeping her?" "Don't know!" "Well, it better be damn hot, making me wait like a macho!" "Vena found what she went looking for." "She couldn't wait to scan Morha and Lakella her new playthings." "Except... dear Lakella knew about it already." "Weaps from the Mericans!" "Not the Mericans, Morha." "I made 'em." "We're gonna use these... "thunder rocks" against the plugots." "You broke the regs; you'll bring the curse on us!" "It's me you're fearing, Morha, not the curse." "Tiara of Kansos fears neggy woman, hm?" "Back at Camp Reagan, we were trying to turn the machos into men." "We had a long way to go." "I'm getting cold worried, Gruss." "Korvis should have been here by now." "I know." "And just what do we do with that Aargh thing?" "It won't go away, and it smells..." "Cold...!" "What's it, Relk?" "I don't know." "It's Korvis!" "Easy, Gruss!" "I brought your horse back." "Neggy worry!" "Neggy believe what I'm seeing." "That's me, Relk." "What's it all?" "Hot weaps from the Mericans." "We're gonna learn how to use these Merican things." "Korvis, uh, try this; it tastes cold woggos but makes you feel hot plastic." "Huh." "Great." "Gruss, Relk..." "I want you men to knock out the Friscos' seeding camp." "—Seeders!" "?" "—Seeders!" "?" "That sounds woggos to me." "You said you were gonna starve them." "Now, but scan this." "The Tiara's hottest friend Lynka's being seeded now." "If we can grab her, maybe we can trade her for a talk." "It'd save men some hard nuking." "How you scan that?" "Uh, there was this, eh... half-fraul Lels." "The Friscos' toy keeper." "He scanned me for Prezzydent." "He was feared I was gonna nuke him so he hot talkied." "Korvis the Prezzydent; woggos, eh?" "Yeah, that's woggos." "Would a Tiara talk to you?" "Maybe not with Korvis but she'd have to with the Prezzydent!" "All of you come out here now!" "Act like men, not like toys!" "Trog nuked himself with the Merican weaps, scan it?" "Trog did this!" "Neggy spirits!" "Neggy curse!" "Just Trog's screw-up!" "Korvis hotter, men!" "Korvis is the Prezzydent!" "The Prezzydent is giving Gruss new powers!" "New ways of scanning!" "Hot fan-plastic!" "Follow the Prezzydent!" "Follow the Prezzydent!" "Follow the Prezzydent!" "The Prezzydent!" "Follow the Prezzydent!" "Follow the Prezzydent!" "Follow the Prezzydent!" "—Korvis Prezzydent!" "Korvis Prezzydent!" "—Follow the Prezzydent!" "You'll stay here while you're getting bigger." "After the birthing, we raise her." "I scan that." "But neggy fear, Lynka." "We picked a clean seeder for you." "It knows what to do and how to do it." "Check, check." "In the time of the Mericans and Commies, this place was called Paradise Oil  Gas;" "where the frauls made little frauls;" "but if they had a boy, cold day!" "They threw them away like last year's eats." "Just lie down and close your eyes." "It'll be all right, Lynka." "You're not the first woman to get seeded." "Neggy yet." "Woggos!" "Hot plastic!" "Fraul called Lynka?" "Lynka?" "Check." "Hot." "Take off those fraul rags, seeder." "You're free now if you want it." "The Prezzydent!" "In a short time, we learned to use those Mericans' things, and Amie got a bright idea." "The spirit of the Prezzydent speaks!" "The Prezzydent is here now." "Hot scan what I say!" "Tiara of Frisco, you'll meet the Prezzydent alone;" "at high sun, go to the edge of the contams." "There you'll find your friend Lynka—safe, and unhurt." "But if you disobey, then the Prezzydent'll cold nuke all combs, just like the Mericans and Commies!" "Tiara of Frisco, time's now to change your world, or end it!" "It's a trick!" "It's a cold plugot trick!" "Since when plugots sharp enough for tricks like that, Morha?" "When the Prezzydent comes, she'll be like me, a Kansos; never plugot!" "Legends don't say what the Prezzydent'll scan like." "If talking with this... spirit gets Lynka back, damn right I'll talk!" "Reya never would have." "Reya's cold, Lakella." "I'm the Tiara." "Then act like a Tiara." "Fight!" "Nuke the plugots!" "Neggy." "I'm gonna follow the Prezzydent's command." "So your Tiara's gonna talk to a plugot spirit, huh?" "Wouldn't be happening if you were the Tiara..." "But I'm not." "Could be!" "A victory against the plugots..." "That would show your comb who the real leader is, huh?" "And with me behind you... oh, you'd be more powerful than Reya ever was." "Just one thing you need, huh?" "What's it?" "Thunder rocks." "Easy." "I know just where to get them." "You're sounding like a leader already Tiara." "Fraul coming." "Well?" "Clean as a fraul." "I was hoping for more than that." "Vena;" "Tiara of Frisco." "Korvis; the Prezzydent." "Where's Lynka?" "What Prezzy says Prezzy does." "Lynka..." "I was so worried you were cold!" "Or worse." "Oh, Vena!" "I never figured scanning you again." "I'm okay, Tiara." "Nobody hurt me." "You go; go on, Lynka and keep Lakella out of trouble." "Fraul's free." "And me?" "I got something special for Tiara's eyes only." "What's it?" "Listen, nothing cold's gonna happen to you; you got the Prezzy's word on it." "Solemn swear?" "Solemn swear." "With Vena gone, Morha and Lakella were cooking up trouble." "|ROLLING STONES|" "|19| |89|" "|FAREWELL TOUR|" "Something's cold here." "Tiara Vena said neggy about attacking the plugots." "Check, check." "And where is Lakella going before battle?" "Tiaras gotta tell you two neggy, huh?" "If you're worried about fighting the plugots, you stay here with the grandma." "It's you and Lakella we're worried about; not the plugots." "Save your heat for the plugots, huh?" "Gotta tell Prezzydent." "All's gone... cold." "Neggy, neggy..." "Gotta tell Prez..." "Lels?" "Freeze it!" "I gotta..." "|ROLLING STONES|" "|19| |89|" "|FAREWELL TOUR|" "Women of Kansos." "Women of Frisco." "Are you ready to finish off these macho stealing cold burning plugots?" "—Yeah!" "—Yeah!" "—Yeah!" "What are we gonna do?" "Nuke the plugots!" "What's it!" "?" "Nuke the plugots!" "What's it!" "?" "Nuke the plugots!" "—Nuke the plugots!" "Nuke the plugots!" "—Cold sorry, Prezzydent... —Nuke the plugots!" "Nuke the plugots!" "—Lels was down, but not out." "Nuke the plugots!" "Nuke the plugots!" "Nuke the plugots!" "Okay, hot Prezzy... now what?" "Prezzydent wants light!" "Careful!" "Don't wanna nuke the world!" "Prezzy's got more to show to you." "Just one of the Prezzydent's games." "The comb of the Mericans." "I— I've never scanned anything like this before." "Prezzy shelt only thing like this anywhere." "How come Prezzy scanning all this to me?" "Fraul still fearing Prezzy?" "Stop calling me fraul!" "I'm woman." "And me?" "Don't know..." "Maybe spirit..." "Maybe plugot!" "Neggy plugot!" "You!" "Put it away." "If I wanted to pain you I wouldn't have brought you here." "H-How come you did?" "To talk." "About?" "Man... and... woman." "Man?" "What's it, man?" "She was gonna find out." "I am a man." "Neggy macho." "Neggy toy." "Seeder...?" "Man." "Feel: flesh like Vena's." "Heart beats:" "like Vena's." "Eyes, ears: just like Vena's." "Korvis' ABC book didn't cover this sort of thing." "Two leaders had to, uh, feel their way along." "What's it, Amie?" "Eff it!" "Well, damn!" "Korvis talks, frauls attack, and men get nuked again!" "Where's Korvis?" "He had his hands full with high-level negotiations." "They had reached a delicate stage." "|GRENADES|" "|ANTI-PERSONNEL|" "|SMOKE GRENADES|" "Amie!" "You're not a fighter." "You better hide now." "Amie...!" "This'll be a cold surprise for the frauls." "And they had a couple cold surprises for us." "Smoke!" "?" "Eff this!" "Woggos!" "Frauls..." "Eff you!" "Goodbye, plugot!" "My hat!" "Bye yourself, fraul!" ""Women of Frisco..."" ""...time comes now for New Tomorrow."" "Neggy. "Sisters of Frisco..."" "Just super, toy keeper." "Lels was still trying to get to the Prezzydent." "The man was motivated." "What's it, Lels?" "What's happened?" "Tiara Vena talking with Great One." "Lakella and Morha attacked plugots!" "Tell Prez..." "Lels believes..." "Gruss..." "Amie?" "Amie." "Don't go cold, Amie." "Please..." "St-Stay with Korvis." "While you were talking... frauls were nuking." "Vena told me lies." "Cold damn lies!" "Gruss, let's get the horses." "You want revenge, Korvis?" "Take it." "I won't stop you." "Revenge?" "Not hot enough for you!" "Talking New Tomorrow and doing what frauls always done: nuking and paining!" "You were tricked, and so was I!" "But it'll never happen again." "Solemn swear." "Effing right it won't!" "This is what you want?" "More nuking?" "More fighting?" "Your choice, Korvis:" "What's it gonna be?" "I want you, Vena!" "New Tomorrow starts with us." "Now..." "We didn't know what Vena and Korvis were doing but the harder we scanned, the hotter it looked." "Maybe there was something men and women could do with each other 'sides fighting and nuking." "I was gonna find out." "Well, it came without a warning," "A thermo-nuclear morning," "And I said to myself, "What a waste of a wonderful day!"" "Well, the air was getting heavy," "So I loaded up the Chevy!" "I switched the radio on, but the radio wouldn't play..." "I got this cloud hanging over my head." "I should never have left my bed." "Was it something that I said?" "If this is Paradise..." "If this is Paradise..." "If this is Paradise..." "What have we done?" "If this is Paradise..." "I'm not having any fun!" "If this is Paradise..." "Take me away!" "Well, we never spent the nights out," "'Cause we could never turn the lights out!" "The sun is always shining down, twenty-four hours a day!" "Well, the last thing I remember," "We came and sat there 'til December," "And Christmas was another tropical holiday..." "I keep on hoping this is just a dream;" "That things aren't what they seem," "I thought I heard somebody scream..." "If this is Paradise..." "If this is Paradise..." "If this is Paradise..." "What will we do?" "If this is Paradise..." "Hey, I'm talking to you!" "If this is Paradise..." "Don't ask me when." "If this is Paradise..." "If you're really my friend..." "If this is Paradise..." "We'll start over again," "Over again, over again, over again," "Over again!"