"Previously on Nobodies..." "We're pitching our movie tomorrow." "So, did Melissa say she wants to be in it?" "Ah... no" "This picture was taken the same day you said Melissa was in the bathroom." "The three of you will never work in this town again!" "We're going to destroy you." "Do you think Gavin called Ben and Melissa, directly?" "Oh my God." "Everyone thinks that Melissa is the actor in the family." "I'm so flattered that you would think of me, to play Mr. First Lady." "What about you, Davidson?" "Single guy, huh?" "Have you ever had sex with Rachel?" "Hugh, look, I, uh, I like you." "Obviously." "I mean, it's... why I keep having sex with you sometimes." "But, um, I mean, we've talked about this." "I have a daughter and we work together and it's just... it wouldn't... (cell phone ringing)" "(ringing resumes)" "Oh, Hugh, again, really?" "Oh." "Hey, Michael." "Hey." "Sorry to bother you at work." "Listen, do you think we can swap weekends with Lois?" "Uh, yeah." "She has a play date with Mila on Saturday, but I can probably move it." "Why, what's up?" "Ethan got us tickets to "Cavalia:" "The Arabian Horse Experience."" "Are you kidding me?" "Michael, those tickets are like $1,000." "Yeah, they're a lot more than that if you want to meet the horses after," " which we're gonna do." " It's gross!" "He's trying to be like this super stepdad and buy her affection and it's tacky." " Is that Rachel?" " Was that Ethan?" "What'd he say?" "I heard my name." "He literally said, "Is that Rachel?"" " What's that supposed to mean?" " Nothing." "He got Lois diamond earrings for her birthday, Michael." "Real diamond earrings." " I don't have real diamond earrings." " That's just sad." "You're a grown woman." "You should have some real diamond earrings." "Maybe I'll marry a rich, gay Hollywood agent" " and he'll buy me a pair." " Okay, Rachel, having all this money is not easy." "I can't even say it with a straight face." "It makes everything weirdly easy." "Oh, so can you bring Lois Saturday?" "(beeping)" "Ugh." " What?" " (muffled) Is she being difficult?" " What, she doesn't want to drive here?" " Ethan." " Is it too windy?" " Stop." "Is she still afraid of The Hollywood Bowl?" " Just..." " Uh, yes." "Um, Saturday I will definitely bring her, no problem." "And by the way, tell Ethan that I'm not the only one afraid of The Hollywood Bowl." "Lots of people are afraid of The Hollywood Bowl 'cause it is a nightmare." " Everybody's afraid of the..." " No, I heard her." "It was screechy." "Push!" "Come on, lower, people!" "(coughing)" " Larry, you almost done?" " No." "Okay, remember I brought up the idea about joining a racquet club?" "Can we talk about this later, please?" "I talked to somebody there today and they said now is the time to join." "It's the end of summer." "Rates are lower." " Can we not?" " It's just so hot and they have a pool and the kids are so cooped up." "And they've got a great gym." "We're not joining the racquet club." "We don't have enough money." "We'll talk about this later." "Oh, and Jack has a fever." "Could you stay with him while I take Elliot to school?" "I can't!" "I have a breakfast meeting with Ben Falcone." " About "Mr. First Lady"?" " No, this is a different thing." " With Hugh and Rachel?" " No, it's not with Hugh and Rachel." " Daddy!" " I don't do everything with them." " Play with me." " Oh, honey, Jack." "Go to Mommy, please." "My pores are open," "I'm very susceptible to germs." "Come on, Jack." "Come to Mommy, honey." "Oh, honey, can you take him, please?" "I love you but I can't hug you." "Jack, come to Mommy!" " Oh, my God, I'm so..." " (Jack) Forget it." "(ringing)" "(electronic voice) Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice-message system." "818-25..." "Oh, sorry." "Were you playing basketball?" " What?" " Where's Larry?" "I don't know." "Well, have you heard from Ben?" "Has he read our script." "I mean, this is crazy." "It shouldn't take someone that long to read a script." "It's like, hello," " nothing can happen till Ben reads the script, right?" " Rachel." " He's the cheese, she's the rat." " Rachel." "Rachel." "Okay, the rat can't eat if there's no cheese." " It's like he's not understanding..." " Rachel, what is going on?" "I wake up, you're gone, and then I call you six times, you don't pick up your phone?" " Do you want to talk?" " I..." "I mean, I don't even know what we would... talk about." "I mean..." "How about, the last time this happened, you said, "never again."" " Right." " And then last night out of nowhere, you threw yourself at me..." "Wh-Wh-whoa." "Threw myself at you." " Yeah." " What are you talking about?" "Hugh, I had too much to drink, okay?" "I made a bad decision." "That's why people say, don't have so much to drink, right?" "So I won't drink so much anymore." "This won't happen again, we never have to talk about it again." "Never drink, never make a bad decision, never talk." "The big three." "What happened?" "What's going on?" "You guys are being weird." "You're mad at me?" "Why are you mad at me?" "You guys are late all the time, I don't need the firing squad because I'm a little later than normal, all right?" "Fine, I went to Beverly Hills for breakfast." "There you go." "Why would you go to Beverly Hills for breakfast?" "They have great restaurants that I... and I eat breakfast there." "Who'd you have breakfast with?" "It was just me." "Why are we even talking about every thing that happens in each of our lives?" " 'Cause we do not have to do that." " Have you talked to Ben?" "Like, this morning." "Did I have breakfast with Ben?" " Wait, you had breakfast with Ben?" " Yeah!" " About our movie?" " We didn't even talk about it." "You had breakfast with Ben Falcone and you did not talk about our movie?" "This was about a different thing." "What different thing?" "It doesn't involve you." "This is not..." "We don't have to... (stammering)" "It's too much." "Back off, all right?" "Thank you." "What are you doing?" "I need to eat something." "Is that okay?" "I didn't eat anything at my breakfast with Ben." "Everything was so expensive." "I didn't know who was gonna pay for it." "Never eat breakfast in Beverly Hills." "What were you meeting Ben for?" "My reality show idea." "That "American Idol" sketch comedy thing where the winner goes on "Saturday Night Live,"" "a thing that can never happen because you have no legal connection to either "Saturday Night Live" or "American Idol."" "Yes, I'm very aware of that." "That's why I'm trying to get a celebrity attached to try to help sell it, so I asked Ben if he'd get Melissa involved." " Oh, my God!" " What?" "!" "What?" "!" "(groans)" "Larry, we need Ben and Melissa for "Mr. First Lady,"" "not your stupid reality show that we're not even a part of." "Is that why you're mad?" "Because you're not involved?" "What are we, married and not allowed to do anything on our own?" "We're in a cult?" "Is that what this is?" "This is a cult?" "Could you take those sunglasses off?" "Sure." "As soon as you guys take your bad moods off." "Happy?" "This is not my ball." " It's Hugh's stupid ball!" " I don't want the damn ball!" " Whoa!" " Aah!" "Morning, team." "Holy crackers, when did this happen?" "Oh." "That must have been a bird or..." "Poor little guy." "Well, just wanted to pop in, see how things are going, see how the writing's coming." "Uh... we're almost done." "Good, good." "Connie will like that." "And I know my favorite thing in the world is sitting back with a bag of Cheetos reading a fresh "Fartlemans" script." "Really?" "Hey, Tamara!" "Can you call around and get some quotes on some windows?" "Uh, actually, we're on page four, so not almost done, you psycho." "I didn't know that was gonna happen!" "All right, you know what?" "What's done is done." "So... has anyone talked to Ben?" "Has he read our script?" "Are you serious right now?" "Why didn't you ask him at breakfast instead of talking about your dumb side project?" "We're not married." "We're allowed to do other things." "(Rachel) Uhh." "You know what?" "I'm gonna eat my lunch in my car." "Good!" "Well, this is toxic." "Are you seriously not gonna tell us what we're doing down here?" "I already told you," "I'll tell you when you need to know." "Um... tch-tch-tch-tch." "Cosmetic dentistry." "You think I need veneers 'cause I have giant gaps in my teeth?" "Well, veneers wouldn't kill you." "Uh, oh, uh, 402." "Therapy and counseling?" "Seriously, you're taking us to a therapist?" "I'm not gonna see a therapist." "This is insane." "I don't think it's insane." "I mean, sports teams see therapists and we're a team." "We're a team that has massive problems." "Not problems, problem." "You are the problem." "The real problem is how long does it take Ben Falcone to read a script?" "I mean, is he illiterate?" "I'm seriously asking that question." "It's absolutely crazy." "I mean, he hasn't gotten back to me about my thing either." "Oh, my God." "Are you kidding?" "You know what?" "I'm glad we're here seeing a therapist 'cause I need someone to explain to me why you are so insane." "So much anger." "This is going on your insurance, right?" "(beep)" "(Hugh) What the hell is that?" "Oh, come on." "You've never seen that?" "You press the button, a light goes on in his office and tells him we're here." "Because having an appointment at a specific time is not enough to coordinate all this?" "It works for all other businesses, but these people..." "This is only gonna work if you buy into it." "That's a Jim Jones quote." "Is that the coach of the Dallas Cowboys?" "No, that's Jerry Jones and he's the owner of the Dallas Cowboys." "Jim Jones is a man who convinced a bunch of people to kill themselves in French Guyana." "I just got nervous." "Do you think I have time to pee?" "I'm gonna go pee." "(sighs)" "Rachel, let's talk." "(clears throat)" "Really?" "You're gonna read "Saveur" magazine rather than talk about us?" "We're not here because of us, okay?" "We're here because of work." "So let's just leave it at that." "This always happens to you when we sleep together." "You freak out, shut down and won't talk." ""Always happens"?" "That makes it sound like we've slept together tons of times." "We've slept together three times." "We slept together four times." "Three." "The staircase in that parking garage." "Oh..." "Kay." "I didn't count that, but..." "Why would you not count it?" "I didn't... (whispers) ... count it." "(soap dispensing)" "(toilet paper roll turning)" "Larry, I couldn't help but notice you staring at my shoes." "Hmm?" "I wear them because I rescue abandoned gibbon monkeys." "It's interesting that you took the chair." "Thank you." "Well, it's not good or bad, it's just information." "Many times in a polyamorous relationship, the more dominant member will individuate and set himself apart from the other two lovers." " Oh..." " No, no, that's not what's happening." "Yeah, we're not..." "We just work together." "And we're friends." "That's it." "Well, whether Larry is having sex with both of you in a dominant way... (laughs) No, he's not." "But it seems like something sexual is going on." "I'm definitely picking up on a sexual energy." "We're not." "So..." "We're a writing team." "Oh." "Again, whether it's sexual, whether you want it to be sexual, it doesn't matter." "All relationships are essentially built on open, honest communication." "Just like a marriage or a ménage à trois." "Now, Rachel, on the phone, you said that you were having trouble working together on your show." "What show is that?" ""The Fartlemans" It's a cartoon." "I know "The Fartlemans." It's one of my favorite shows." "Oh, wow." "How old are your kids?" "Oh, I don't have children." "Now, Rachel, you mentioned that the issue seemed to be one of trust." "That's what you said?" "Trust?" "It's boundary issues." "Dr. Kaine..." "I'm not a doctor." "Mr. Kaine," "I did something very innocent." " (scoffs)" " And then these guys," " they attack me for it." " (Rachel scoffs)" "Because you did something monstrously stupid." "That's the attack right there." "It's the name calling, which is completely unnecessary." "And everyone just needs to back off." " Who is everyone?" " Them." " Rachel and Hugh?" " Rachel and Hugh." "Great." "We've defined that." "So, Rachel and Hugh..." "And my wife and my kids." "And it's just everyone wants something and then I just let them down." "I try to do something and it's never enough." "But that's a separate thing." "And that's another..." "That's not why we're here." "Why we're here is because of them and that's the issue, these people." "You can ask them a question now" " 'cause you asked me a question." " Right." " And I answered the question." " Mm-hmm." " And that was my end of the bargain." " Mm-hmm." "And now it's their end of the bargain because it's their turn." "Great." "Rachel, I'll start with you..." "Do you want to know what makes me so mad?" "!" "These two people right here are the most selfish people" "I have ever met in my entire life." "Have either of them ever bothered to say, hey, Larry, yeah, it must be tough for you to be the sole provider for a wife who wants a pool and two kids who are always getting sick and if things go bad," "I have to call Jen's dad because she doesn't do it even though it's her father, so I'm the one that's gotta do it, which makes absolutely no sense, 'cause she's had a relationship" "with this man for her entire life and I..." "We have a very frictiony relationship and that's..." "I'd love to get into that one." "So, I'm the one who had to call up and say, hey, Curtis, this is not a big deal." "This is just a no-big-deal conversation." "I'm the guy that married your daughter even though I can't seem to support her, but can I borrow $32,000 because we have a tree in the front yard that has a fungus and the guy said that it can fall on our house at any moment" "or it can fall on a neighbor's house, which is just as bad because I'd have to pay for that." "I have sick kids and now I have a sick tree." "It's a lot of pressure on me, so I'm very sorry if these people, they don't need as much irons in the fire as I do because I can't rely on "Mr. First Lady" happening," "because guess what. "Mr. First Lady's" probably not gonna happen because Ben Falcone is too lazy and too stupid to read it." "I'm sorry, you were about to ask them a question." "So, I know whose turn it is now." "Well, I would think after all of that, Larry, it would be anybody's turn but yours." "Rachel?" "You?" "Is there anything that you would like to share with Larry that he doesn't know about?" "No." "Okay." "Hugh?" "No." "Um, we're just... three people that work together and... none of us are having sex with each other." "I feel like there's a sexual tension somewhere in here." "And I don't think it's..." "I don't think it's coming from me." "Although I can't be sure." "That was kind of a quiet car ride." "Was it because I called you guys selfish?" "You're mad at me because I said you're the most selfish people I ever met?" "No one's mad at you, Larzy." "I do think that we forget that you're under a lot of financial pressures." "Good thing about being in the kids business is it's the only steady work in the entertainment industry." "Which, of course, is why it's not considered part of the entertainment industry." "We're getting fired?" "I don't think so, but I don't know." "I do know that we are way over budget." "I thought you just told us that we're number one..." " ... with boys two to..." " Yeah." " Yeah." " Two to six." " ... two to six." "And believe me, I brought that up to Connie." "When you guys miss your deadlines, it costs us money." "And that's all that Connie cares about." "But I do know she's talking about going from three writers to two." "I don't know." " What does that mean?" " What can we do?" "In the short-term, you guys have to catch up on these scripts." " Yes." " Fine, fine." "And in the long-term, maybe think about who you lose, should it come to that." "I mean, you can't lose you." "He's the brains." "And Rachel writes all the girl parts." "And Larry..." "I don't know what Larry does." "So my gut says lose Larry." "Oh, that's attractive." "Oh, let's get to it." "(Rachel) Ah..." "Skippy Fartleman was in detention with Principal Butts." "What are you doing?" "I'm writing Ben." "I can't wait anymore." "Are you that busy, Ben?" "Really?" "Did you hear anything that Allen just said?" "Uh, yes, I did, Hugh, and what I heard was that these jobs are not as stable as you said." "Well, so now you're just taking your balls into your own hands?" "What?" "That is not an expression." " Well..." " (phone ringing)" "Ben Falcone." "Hey, Ben, you're on speaker with Rachel, Hugh and Larry." "Hey, gang, sorry it took me so long to get back to you." "No, no, no, no." "Take your time." " It seemed fast." " Well, first things first." "I just have to say I laughed my itty-bitty nuts off reading your movie." "It's so funny, you guys." " Oh." " Oh." " Thanks, Benji." "I do have one thought, though." "Tell me if you think this is too crazy, but what if Melissa plays the role of the president." "Guys?" " Are you there?" " Uh, yeah." "Uh, hmm, Melissa McCarthy as the president." "Hmm, interesting." "Um..." "Or not." "I mean, it might be weird." "I just sort of thought maybe it would help it get made and it might be fun, but, um, if you don't think she's right for the role..." "No, no, no." "Yes, yes on Melissa." "Great idea, perfect idea." " Yay Melissa!" " Okay, great." "Well, I will let you ding dongs get back to cartoon town." "Oh, hey, Ben, real quick." "Um, um, this is Larry here." "Yeah, I know." "I recognize your voice, bud." "Uh, just, uh, wanted to take your temperature about my reality show idea that we talked about before." "Oh." "That's like ice cold, buddy." "Uh-huh." "That's like a dead body." "Yeah, yeah, got it, okay." "Um, all right." "Bye, gangers." "(all) Bye." "He doesn't want an easy million bucks, he doesn't want an easy million bucks." "But we got Melissa!" "(cheering)" "Girl." "(door opens)" "Ben, you ready?" "Oh, I love your shoes." "I have the same pair." "Oh, thank you." "I have another pair that goes just above the knee." ""As Pooper walks in the dog house, we fade out."" "Mmm." "You'd really think these things" " would be easier to wrap." " (Rachel laughs)" "I still can't believe that our insane plan is working and we are maybe gonna get Melissa McCarthy to be in our movie." "It's crazy." "We're drinking the champagne?" "Wait, I thought we were saving that for when there was something official like we were gonna sign contracts or something." "I'm not gonna open it." "I just want us to take a moment to realize how close we are to opening it." "I mean, the three of us are very close to drinking something none of us enjoys the taste of." "Mm-hmm." "Now, who feels like staying late and knocking out another "Fartlemans" script?" "We're on a roll." "That or we can go down the hall and murder Connie." "I'm up for either one." "I would, but I am definitely getting sick." "And I have Lois and my nanny has something, but we'll do it tomorrow." "You know what?" "I'll do one on my own." " Really?" " Yeah." "No, no, we write everything together." "Uh-uh, go." " You guys have got lives and families." " I'll do it." "(coughing)" "(Rachel) Okay, well, don't work too hard." "But work hard enough where you do all our work for us." "You got it, Lar." "(door closes)" "Hugh." "I just want to thank you for not saying anything, you know, when we were at the..." "Blaine Kaine's office." "The esteemed non-doctor Blaine Kaine." "It's just we work together and I have a kid and..." "I get it." "I do." "I mean, you have your concerns." "I have none of those concerns, but..." "I respect your concerns." "So we're good?" "Yes, we're good." "I mean, we're in a polyamorous relationship, nonsexual, with Larry Dorf." "That was always my dream growing up." " (laughs)" " What..." " What are you doing?" " I'm trying to wink." "That's winking?" "I don't know how to wink." "Uh, all right." "All right, I'll see you tomorrow." "All right." "♪ What flies ♪" "♪ Never goes down ♪" "(door closes)" ""Interior:" "Skippy Fartleman's tree house.""