"* Mama makes the best fried chicken, *" "And everybody knows Oklahoma*" "* Makes the very best football teams" "* I believe that the Mormons *" "* Make the best pioneers, *" "SoI 'mgoing to the land of the tulips," "* Where I'm gonna make the best two years. *" "* The best two years,I the best two years, *" "Yes, I'll be testifying * in my very best suit from Sears. *" "* The best two years, the best two years, *" "* I'm going to the land of the tulips, *" "* Where I'm gonna make the best two years. *" "* Well, first I've got to warm the little Dutch boy, *" "* Who stuck his finger ln the middle of the dike, *" "* That a flood of love is coming, *" "And it's riding on a 10-speed bike." "* The wheels spin faster than a windmill, *" "* Cause I'm always ln the highest gears. * * around the land of the tulips, *" "* I'll be turning out the best two years. *" "* The best two years, the best two years, *" "Yes, I'll be testifying" "* In my very best suit from Sears. *" "* The best two years, the best two years, *" "* I'm going to the land of the tulips, *" "* Where I'm gonna make the best two years. *" "* I may not be a looker, *" "* And I may not know that much, *" "* But I will have a book or two *" "Of Mormons wrote in Dutch." "* And I may not be kissing the one *" "* Who's gonna be my wife, *" "* But my two lips will thank the Lord *" "* For the best two years of my whole life. *" "* I'll be ringing lots of doorbells, *" "* I'll be talking ln the street, *" "I'll be preaching with the Spirit" "* To every single person that I meet. *" "And sometimes I'll get frightened," "But that feeling always disappers" "* Here in the land of the tulips, *" "I'll be knocking out my best two years." "Knocking out my best two years..." "Knocking out my best two years." "It's time." "I'll wait for my alarm." "Your alarm is set for 11:00." "Come on." " No." "We've got a lot to do." "We get your greenie, and I want to clean this place." "When do you roll out the carpet for my companions?" "I'll bet he doesn't last a week." "You should be grateful you haven't been sent home." "I'd think twice about this responsibility." " Come on." " Knock it off." ""Good morning, body." "Let's party."" "Chin up, shoulders back, stomach in, buns tight. "" " You think that's pretty funny." " Yeah." "You won't think so when you go home fat." "When you go home, those girls are gonna be married and have kids!" "All right!" "Play nice." "We're laughing at that stupid tape." "It sounds like something in a nursing home." "Well, I'm sorry." "Don't be hard on him." "I'm glad he's your comp." "He's constantly combing his hair, brushing his teeth, or smiling at himself!" "He's self-centered." "But, he's a good missionary." "We've had success together." "In fact..." "HEY!" "ELDER!" "We gonna challenge the DeVrooms?" " Yeah." "I forgot to look up about how Christ was baptized." "Get it, would you?" " Yeah." " Thanks." "It's Matthew 3:16." " Huh?" "It's Matthew 3:16." " Really?" "Don't look so shocked." "I have redeeming qualities." "Half the Elders in this mission would love to train a greenie." "Think so?" " I know so." "Maybe you're right." "I don't like not knowing who my companion's gonna be." "I can see him..." "probably 5 foot 6 and weighs 125." "He wears thick Coke-bottle glasses and talks in nasally voice like this." "On p-days he wants to sit around and, I don't know, play a grueling game of chess." "Sorry, sorry." "Hallo, U Spreekt met Elder Van Pelt!" "Well, hi." "Zone Leaders!" "Yeah, yeah!" "We're good!" "Elder Rogers?" "He's okay." "We pick up his companion today." "We got up on time." "You know, I can't sleep past five." "The reports, yes, were due yesterday." "I told Elder..." "This is Elder Johnson." "Yeah." "Good!" "How are you guys doin'?" "Uh, the reports, yeah." "Got 'em right here." "Um, thank you." "Okay." "Uh, for Elder Van Pelt and myself:" "We taught 11 discussions, placed 14 Book of Mormons, made 9 referrals, proselyted 52 hours, 0 challenges, 0 baptisms." "However, we are challenging someone tonight." "I hope so too." "Elder Rogers and Elder Randall..." "Uh, yeah." "You know they weren't getting along too well." "I'm just saying that these numbers..." "Right." "Okay." "They taught 0 discussions, placed 0 Book of Mormons, made no referrals, proselyted 4 hours," "0 challenges, 0 baptisms." "I think there's room for improvement." "I hope this new companion gets him excited too!" "Right." "I'll keep you informed." "Tot Ziens!" "Vait until the next stop." "What are we going to do today?" "First, we need a little talk." "Okay." "What about?" "Couple of things." "Let's set a good example for this new elder." "Why tell me?" "You talk to him." "That's what I mean." "Don't talk negative about him." "Let him think he's getting the best man here." "This may get Rogers going." "Yeah, dream on!" "Number two." "Let's not remind Elder Rogers of home." "Let's not talk about home or read our girlfriends' letters out loud." "I only did that once." "And tell Marsha not to put so much perfume on the envelope." "I won't read my letters out loud anymore." "And?" " I'll think about the perfume." "Watch what you say around Rogers and this new guy." "Okay." "As long as we're talking about do's and don'ts," "I've got a few I'd like to mention." "About me?" " Uh-huh." " Okay." "All right!" "Don't get all over me." " Get it off your chest." "You hate it when I correct your Dutch and English." "What is it, Elder?" "Every time, you call them..." " 'Book of Mormons'." " Yeah." "But it's not 'Book of Mormons,' it's 'Books of Mormon'!" "Okay?" "That's what's been bothering you?" "Flip, I'll try not to say it again." "All right!" " Okay." "I'm gonna finish getting ready, unless there's more." "Actually, yeah." "There is one more little thing that..." "What's that?" "Flip." " Flip?" "Yeah, flip!" "I HATE that word!" "'Flip this!" "' 'Flip that!" "'" "'I could flippin' die!" "'" "If you say that word one more time, I might hurt you." "Uh-huh." "Are you finished?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry." "I don't mean to get angry." "It's just...something that we need to get resolved." "That's valid." "I need to quit using that word, so tell you what:" "every time I say...that word, I want you to hit me." "You want me to hit you?" "Yeah, just a friendly reminder so I'll quit using it." "I heard that." "Beware." "Believe me, I intend to!" "You will never hear me say it again." "If that's that, I'm gonna get cleaned up." "I think that's about it." " Good." "Flip." "I got it." " Yeah, thanks." "Hallo, U Spreekt met Elder Rogers!" "Ja!" "Ja!" "Nu!" "Nu!" "Okay." "Tot Ziens!" "Who was that?" "I didn't tell you?" " No." "The assistants are coming to talk to you." "To me?" " Yeah!" "For what?" "Did they say?" " No, but it sounded important." "This could be it, Elder." "Junior companion to District Leader." "When are they comin' over?" "Right now." " They're coming over right now?" "Get this place cleaned up!" "Elder!" "You've gotta hurry up." "All right, good." "Get this in the bathtub." " Forgot a tie." "Are you gonna help me?" "Oh." "Okay, okay, okay." "Hey, Elder!" " What?" "That wasn't the assistants." "That" "But you did a really good job." "That's funny, Elder." "You know that's..." "that's really funny." "Well, there's always next month." "We gonna go over that discussion?" "Yeah." "Good." "I guess this will be a change for you, working... with a greenie, huh?" "It'll be like workin' with you." "That's funny, Elder." "I haven't wanted to say anything." "One has to descend to your level." "C'mon down!" "I have watched you humiliate and degrade your last companions." "Until now I haven't done anything." "But, it is my duty to prevent you from corrupting this one." "So if I..." " Elder Van Pelt?" "Ready for prayer?" "What are today's goals?" "First, we're going to pick up Elder Rogers' new companion." "Then, at 9:45, we have an appointment with the Van Ordens." "We'll door contact, try to place two Books of Mormon, teach one discussion, and be home for lunch." "Sounds good." " Elder Rogers, what about you?" "I'll go pick up my companion." "Don't you want to set goals?" "Goals, right." "Good thinking." "Find a way to make you disappear." " All right." "Elder Rogers, would you send us out?" "Yeah." "Just a second, I forgot my flippin' watch!" "Hope the train was late." "I'm not the one who forgot his lock combination." "I'm sure he's fine." "Right, Rogers?" "Rogers?" "You've got to be kidding me." "Where is he?" " I don't know." "Maybe the train is late." "Maybe it's come and gone, and he's in Belgium." "Try to be more optimistic." "I was!" "Anything's better than Rogers." "Let's sit down and wait for Rogers." "All right." "Get lost?" "Did you mean-did I, or you'd like me to?" "Either way, I will rise above your sarcasm and share." "Oh, yeah." "Here we go." "Where's my next victim?" "I think he's in Belgium." "Johnson thinks he's lost." "You're both wrong." "He's here." "Elder Calhoun?" "Elder Calhoun?" "Oh, gosh!" "Heck, elders!" "Elder Johnson." "Elder Van Pelt." "Elder Rogers." "Elder Rogers!" "Just speak English." "Okay..." "Elder Van Pelt, will you take a picture?" "Ah, yeah." "Smile, elders!" "Elder, you're very lucky to be getting Elder Rogers as your companion." "Pay attention to him, and you'll be surprised what he can teach ya." "Okay." "Can't argue with that." "Good luck, Elder." "Tot Zeins!" "You're fresh out of the States?" "What was it like?" "Kinda cloudy." "We been havin' rain." "I don't need a weather report." "What's been going on with TV, music, sports?" "Yes, sports." "Tell me what's going on in sports." "Sports..." "I don't remember." "Have you been here long?" "Yeah!" "An eternity." "I've got less months than you have years." "Wow!" "So how many baptisms you got?" "Elder, you need to learn that numbers don't mean a thing." "Okay?" "Just remember that." "What are you doing?" "Writing down what you said." "The President said, if I pay attention to everything you say, I'll learn faster." "He said that about me?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I guess that's okay." "But check with me before you write anything down I've said." "Should I write that down?" " Yeah." "Okay." "Hey, Elder." " Yeah." "When we gonna get me a bike?" " Later." "I thought we'd get some rest." "You're probably tired." " Oh, no." "I'm ready to go!" "Ah, well, great." "Then we'll put your stuff away, get a bike, and place Book of Mormons." "Can we do some tractin'?" "No, no, we don't want to do that." "Try one of these." "It's a stroopwaffel." "They're better hot." "So where you from, anyway?" "Oklahoma." "This is good." "You got a girlfriend?" "Yeah-well, no." "I mean, she's a girl friend." "We've known each other since we was three." "Your parents like her?" "Yeah!" "Mom's crazy about her- probably 'cause she's Catholic." "So are both my parents." "Your parents aren't members?" "What do they think about your mission?" "Not much." "They didn't really want me to go." "How long have you been a member?" " Almost two years." "Great story." "Wanna hear it?" "Maybe later." "That's enough 'bout me." "How 'bout you?" "How 'bout me what?" "Where you from?" "Salt Lake City." "You come from a big family?" " Nope." "They are gonna to be happy to see you." "I don't know." "My parents got divorced six months ago." "I don't know what's going on." "I'm sorry." "Not a big deal." "Do you have a girlfriend?" " Nope." "Are ya writing' anyone?" " Nope." "And ya don't have any sisters?" " Nope." "Do ya like girls?" "Well, be it ever so humble, this is no place like home." "Wow!" "That is really good Dutch, Elder." "Thank you." "Take you on the grand tour." "We have our dresser." "Your drawers are the bottom ones." "You take the bottom bed." "Here is the kitchen." "Now, we may eat anything that is unmarked." "Everything else, hands off." "The unmarked food is Van Pelt's." "We don't have a fridge, so put stuff in a bag and hang it out the window." "You've got your basic toilet, sink." "The tub doesn't work." "Var is de..." "Shower?" "It's right here." "You can quit the Dutch." "How does that work?" "Simple." "Hook it, hang it, get in, and turn it on." "Don't let anybody flush while hot water is running." "Why not?" " You'll find out." "So you got any questions?" "Not now, but if I think of any, I'll let you know." "I found this in the train station trash." "I guess they didn't take it." "Doggone it." "Oh, whose are those?" "Elder Van Pelt's fan club." "Wow, she's got green eyes!" "What about Elder, uh..." "Johnson?" "He's the district leader, ain't he?" "Yeah...he's not a bad guy." "If you wanna know anything, ask me." "Got it?" "Okay." "I should write that down." "Okay." "What you got there?" "Oh, this?" "It's a chess set." "It was a gift from Winston High." "I was school champ two years." "Great." "I can unpack the rest later." "Let's get my bike and try placing this Book of Mormon again." "You don't wanna rest?" "I'm ready to go." "Great." "You grab my coat, and we'll get going." "Hey!" "Well, well." "Look what the wind blew in." "Having lunch, elders?" " Yeah." "Our appointment fell through." "Elder Calhoun, how's it going?" "Great." "We're goin' to get a bike and place me some Book of Mormons." "Oh, some Books of Mormon?" "That's good." "Good luck." "Thanks." " Elder!" "I gotta go." "Okay." "Well, Tot Ziens." " Tot Ziens." "Stick close to me." "I'd hate to lose you your first day." "Hey, Elder." "What time is it?" "It's five minutes later than before." "I thought my watch had stopped." "You know how it is." "It's been so long since I got a letter, I wonder if Julie remembers me." "I'm sure she'll write ya soon." "Hey, it never comes when you watch." "Let's figure out who to call." "You're excited to get mail, but you just gotta learn patience." "If it doesn't come, there's always tomorrow." "I'm expecting a letter too." "You're right." "I need to be more patient." "Patience comes with time." "You learn not to get excited about things." "Mail!" "It's not for you." "Van Pelt!" "Van Pelt!" " Yeah." " Yeah." "Van Pelt!" "Van Pelt!" "I'll have the phone put into my name to get the bill once a month!" "Oh-oh-oh." "Elder, listen to this!" "My parents just bought a new ski boat!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "This is trunking me out!" "Elder?" " What?" "Elder." " I'm shutting up." "No...by the door." "Is that a tape?" "Could be, look." "If I touch it, your name will magically appear." "Just get it." "Let's see." "Elder Emmit Johnson." "It's from Julie." "Yessssssssss!" "Oh!" "Where is it?" "WHERE IS IT!" "?" "Where's what?" " My tape player?" "Loaned it to Reicher." "He'll have it back Sunday." "Sunday?" "I can't wait 'til Sunday." "Sorry, I didn't know you'd need it." "You've got five minutes, or be the first person killed by a cassette!" "You find that player." "I will right now." "Here ya go." " Thank you." "I'm ready to go." "Let's go place Book of Mormons." "Naw, you go place some." "I'm gonna take some pictures." "Ain't ya gonna help?" "The best way to learn is to do it yourself." "It's not a big deal." "Just start with a greeting." "If it's a man, just say, "Goode dag, Meneer."" "And if it's a woman, you say, "Goode dag, Muffrow."" "Man-Meneer, woman-Muffrow." "Man is Men-eer, woman is Mooffffrow." "Go get 'em." "Man is Men-eer, woman is Mooffffrow." "What if they say something?" "Smile and act like you know what's going on." "Okay." "What if I they wanna get baptized?" "Take their measurements." "Tell them we'll call them back." "Okay." "Go get 'em." "Look, Elder, someone's coming!" "Oh, he's stopped." "He got somethin'..." "I don't know..." "It's gum!" "Now he's goin' the other way." "Wait." "No." "He's stopped." "He's comin' back." "Oh, here goes!" "Go on." "Goody dag, Mm-Mooffrow!" "Sorry, I don't speak Dutch." "Wha'd he say?" "He said he's sorry." "He doesn't speak Dutch." "He's speaking English." "Hey, neither do I!" "I do a little bit." "Today's my first day." "I'm just learnin'." "That makes two of us." "You a missionary too?" "No." "No." "I'm also trying to learn Dutch." "Oh, well, I'm Elder Calhoun." "I introduced myself earlier, but you probably didn't understand me." "Well, it's..." "Kyle." "There you are." "Monique, this is Elmer Calhoun." "He's showing me a book, and he's learning Dutch." "Oh?" "Yeah." "So, alrighty." "Dag!" " Dag!" "What language was she speaking?" " That was Dutch!" "I'm in trouble-that ain't the language they taught me in the MTC." "Elder?" "Elder?" "Remember that, in Dutch, the 'g' is a guttural sound." "Like dag, or gootje." "Try that." "Okay, yeah." "No, that's good." "I'll write it down." "You can practice it later- much later." "Do you think I'm ever gonna understand this language?" "You're being hard on yourself." "It takes most guys months to get it down." "One day someone's gonna come up and say something, and you'll speak like a Dutchman." "Really?" " Yeah." "When they come back, don't tell them we didn't work tonight, okay?" "I mean-just don't say anything." "Whatever you say." "Are all these yours?" "Yeah." "I've got thousands of these things!" "I've got pictures of every comp and place in Holland." "Well, who's this?" "Elder Davidson, my first companion." "He was my favorite." "He's married, has a little girl, and lives in Provo." "Well, who's this one?" "Nobody important." "Really?" "The way you're smiling, I thought you was friends." "We're not!" "He's a jerk." "His name's was Elder Richardson, and he thought he was something." "Act like we just got here, okay?" "Okay." "Rogers, can I borrow your cassette player?" "Yeah." " Where is it?" "In my bag." "How'd your first day go?" "Great!" "We went into the city, and I got a bike." "I almost placed my first Book of Mormon." "Great." "Were you scared?" "Yeah." "Not really." "He was American." "We were both speaking' English." "Well, you take what you..." "I looked." "It's not there." "It's in Elder Randall's bag." "Bet he took it." "Who's Elder Randall?" " My last comp." "Why do you need it?" "He got a tape from Julie." "Shut up." " Is Julie your girlfriend?" "Girlfriend?" "We're talking the next Mrs. Johnson." "They've got a date set." "Are you serious with any of them?" "No." "Just friends." "So, where are you from?" "Where I'm from, we don't dangle our participles." "What's that mean?" "You shouldn't end a sentence with the word from." "I'm sorry." "You should have said, 'So where are you from, moron?" "'" "That was funny." "Sorry." "Have either of you heard of Elder Richardson?" "He went home a year ago." "He was Elder Rogers' companion." "I don't think he thinks too much of him." "Between us, they were best friends." "Rogers had him look up his girlfriend." "What happened?" "The next letter was a wedding announcement." "That explains it." "Shut up." "You've got a really big mouth, Elder." "Elder Van Pelt, your bread is starting to mold." "Oh!" "You're kidding me!" "So how'd ya get along today, Elder?" "Just great!" "I came this close to placing my first Book of Mormon!" "In Holland the first guy he talks to is an American." "Yeah." " Keep trying." "Oh, yeah." "Elder, let's get more bread." "No way." "I am beat." "Come on!" "Get it in the morning." "Elder Calhoun, want to go get some bread with me?" "I don't know." "Elder Rogers, do I wanna go?" "I'm not your mother." "I'll let you buy." " Okay." "You know the word for bread, right?" "In English or Dutch?" "Dutch." "When you ask for bread, get 'gesneden brood. '" "Got it?" "How'd you get along today?" " Fine." "He seems nice enough." " Yep." "I'm sorry for what I said about Richardson." "Just forget about it." "He sure is excited to be here." "He thinks you'll have success." "What do you think?" "Get serious, will ya?" " It's been known to happen." "Yeah, in the Ensign." "Maybe not right away, but don't destroy this guy, okay?" "I've taught hundreds of discussions," "I've placed a thousand Book of Mormons, and nothing's come of it." "Don't lecture me." "Okay?" "Fine." "You're not going to finish?" "I learned when you wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty, but the pig loves it." "What does that mean?" "You enjoy provoking people." "You don't know anything." "When I first came out, you and Richardson led the mission in teaching discussions." "You haven't picked up your book in a year." "I don't see youkneeltopray." "I wonder if you have a testimony.." "I used to." "I just don't know anymore." "Oh, you do." "You don't wanna do anything about it." "You've lost sight of the reason you're here." "It would be different if you had a testimony problem." "Thank you, Dr. Johnson." " Come on." "You look at those pictures every night and read those letters over and over." "You're bitter about what Richardson did, and you can't forgive them." "You've got this real easy, don't you?" "You've got parents writing and someone waiting for you." "You'd be different if she wrote you off." "Do not deny that!" "I won't." " Okay." "But I'd get over it, because I know why I came here." "Do you?" "Johnson, I got ya..." "What'd you say?" "I bought you milk." "Elder Calhoun had a fun time at the store." "Let's just forget about it!" "I let him buy bread." "He didn't asked for a cut loaf, he asked for a circumcised loaf!" "That's okay, Elder." "Don't worry about it." "Everybody makes mistakes." "One time Elder Van Pelt and I were..." "Now that's enough!" "Can't you take it?" "We were teaching and there are words... macht, which is 'power' or 'influence ' and maagd, which is 'virgin. '" "Elder Van Pelt switches them and says, when Joseph entered the grove, he was overcome by an evil, dark virgin." "I guess it is funny." "Did you tell them?" " No." "We challenged the DeVrooms tonight, and they accepted!" "They're getting baptized in a month." "That's great!" "How many baptisms ya got?" "Let's see..." " How hard is it to count one?" "I was trying to remember the ones that almost went in." "Okay, only one." "This makes numbers two and three in six months." "Six months?" "Bet the time goes pretty fast." "The secret is to lose yourself in the work." "Next thing..." "YOU'RE GOING HOME!" "Elder Calhoun?" " Yeah." "Write your parents a postcard with your address." "Thanks for the advice." "Ask anytime." "Advice is free." "Hey, Elder Rogers?" "Hand me my journal." "It's underneath my tape player." "Tape player!" "Oh!" "This is great!" "Mwah." "Where's my tape?" "Where is it?" "Lookin' for this?" " Thank you." "You're welcome." "Where's your adapter?" " My what?" "You have to have one." "You do have an adapter." "I didn't know." " Van Pelt?" "I don't have one." " Rogers?" "Oh, flip!" "Elder!" "It's got batteries!" "We're in business." "Sorry, they's dead." "I forgot to change 'em." "I'll go to the store and get some batteries." "Okay?" "Here we go." "Here we go...to the store." "Hey, Elder?" " What?" "The store closes at ten, and you'd look stupid going in like that." "Who cares what I look like at a time like this?" "Oh." "Ohhhh!" "Elder Calhoun, get ready for bed." "Good night, Elder." "See ya bright and early." "Hey, Elder." "Yeah." "I'm sorry about your girlfriend." "Thanks." "You know what Elder Van Pelt says?" "What?" "'If your girlfriend won't wait, your wife will. '" "Hey, Elder Calhoun?" "Yeah." "You probably shouldn't sleep in your suit." "Okay." "Elder, I know why we ain't been havin' success." "We need to fast!" "All right." "Where're we headed first?" "This is your idea." "You choose." "Okay!" "Let's go this way." "I feel it's gonna to be a great day!" "I've a feeling it's gonna be long." "I got a feeling this is the place." "What do you think?" "Elder?" "Elder." "That's mine!" "Spread 'em." " Come on." "They're just snacks." "What's this?" "I'm starving." "Okay?" "I'm not going to make it 'til dinner." "Where's your willpower?" "Look out there." "Somebody's just dying to talk to us." "You gotta help me, 'cause I don't understand what they're sayin'." "Fine." "Just get this over with." "I'll ask the first question;" "you ask them these." "If you give away a Book of Mormon, or someone accepts an invitation to Church, or we get an appointment, I get to break my fast." "Fair enough?" " Okay." "I like that." "Ya." " Ya." "You can break your fast." "She committed to church Sunday." "Really?" " And bring her whole family." "Unbelievable." " I know." "Did you give her the address?" "I forgot!" "I gotta find her!" "Elder!" "Elder!" "Elder!" "It's fine." "She'll find it." "You think so?" " Positive." "How can you be sure?" "Because that was the Bishop's daughter." "That ain't fair." " A deal's a deal." "What'd they say?" " I wouldn't write that down." "This ain't workin'." "I've run at least 10K, and no one's." "Can't we go someplace where they ain't moving so much?" "I thought you had the lady with the walker cornered." "I did, until she sicced her dog and gave me the slip." "I must be doing something wrong." "Don't be so hard on yourself." "You're tired and hungry." "There's always tomorrow." "Elder, wait." "Can't we try one more place before we go get dinner?" "Okay." "What are we doing here?" "Sometimes the least obvious place is best." "Remember that one." "Should I write that?" " Yeah." "I need something for my stomach." "You need people that can't run." "It's perfect." "So get to it." "Let me borrow that." "What am I supposed to do?" "Thank you." "I know you." "We've met." "You remember me?" "It's Elmer, right?" "No, it's Elder Calhoun." "Elder...there it is." "What a coincidence." "Last time I started to tell you about the Book of Mormon." "Let me tell ya about it!" "You've heard of the Bible." "The Bible is the record of God's children in the Old World, and the Book of Mormon is the record in the New World" "There were prophets in both places teaching the same gospel." "The last prophet, Moroni, gathered the records and buried them." "And after that, a man named Joseph Smith- he came around, and he found the book, and translated it." "This tells about who they were and where they come from." "It talks about a visit from Jesus Christ." "Today, Indians talk about a great white God that visited them, and how he'll come again." "I'd never heard that." "I'm running a little behind." "I'll see ya later." "Wanna hear more?" "Yeah, but I'm out of time." "How about we come tonight?" "I'm not going to be home." " Tomorrow night then?" "Give me your number and I'll call you." "Do you have a paper?" "My name and my number are inside this book!" "I can't take your book." " It's yours." "Good to talk to you again." "Don't forget to call!" " Sure, I guess so." "Elder!" "Elder!" "Where are you?" "Elder!" "I just placed my first Book of Mormon!" "He wants to know more!" " He said that?" "The best part is he took down my number and wanted to call me!" "My first Book of Mormon!" "Yahoo!" "Already a baptism!" " Don't get your hopes up." "He was serious." "I could tell!" "Don't be too disappointed when he doesn't call." "No, Elder." "Why, just think about it." "If we hadn't a-been..." "in this very spot... at this precise moment, we may never have found him again!" "How'd you know to come here?" " Indigestion." "Inspiration!" "Wow!" "Do you think that, when I've been out as long as you have," "I might receive inspiration too?" "I don't know why he came here or why he took your book." "I had nothing to do with it." "Sometimes things just happen." "Do you understand what I'm telling you here?" "I think I do." "It's humility, ain't it?" "That's what you're tellin' me." "Humility's the key to inspiration!" "Can I write that down?" "Yes, Elder." "Please, write it down." "Thank you." "Anybody here?" " We're in here." "Elder Calhoun." "How'd the fast go?" "He's still on it." "What?" "Are you still fasting?" "You would not believe what happened today." "We start the day tractin'." "And we'd knock and knock." "Door after door...slammed in our face." "This last door-nothing." "I get to thinkin', 'We're in the wrong place. '" "I decide to go to the square." "We're talkin' to everybody." "There's one girl." " Nothing." "I think we should go to the park." "Guess what happened?" "Nothin'!" " Ya see where I'm goin'?" "I hadn't asked Elder Rogers where we should go." "So after feeling sorry for myself, I asked him." "Where do you think he said we should go?" "To the gro-ce-ry store!" "Why did he say that?" " He hadn't eaten?" "No!" "That's what I thought!" "He knew exactly where he'd be." "Who?" " The guy we met before." "Right there in the liquid beverage section..." "I give him the watered-down version of the Book of Mormon." "He got excited and wrote down my number, and he said he'd call me." "Better luck next time." "What do ya mean?" " Sure you didn't misunderstand?" "Oh, no." "We was speakin' English." "He's American." " The same guy?" "You never know." "Get your tape fixed?" " No, tomorrow." "You want me to fix you a drink?" "Afla-flip sound good?" "Ow." "I wasn't using the slang." "I was referring to the drink." "Van Pelt?" " No." "I'm gonna wait longer, just in case." "Just in case what?" " In case he calls." "Elder Calhoun, if he was gonna call today, don't you think he would've called by now?" "I bet he calls first thing in the morning." "Want me to fix something?" "You'll feel better." "How about community prayer?" "Elder Van Pelt?" " Yeah." "Community prayer." " Now!" "Elder Calhoun, would you lead us?" "Yeah." "Elder Rogers?" "Our Father in Heaven, we're grateful for this day, and for Thy gospel and the opportunity to share it." "Bless Elder Johnson and Van Pelt with success, that their baptism might go through." "and thank you for inspirin' Elder Rogers today, and leading him to our brother who is searching for the truth." "Father, please bless us and all our loved ones." "And please bless that young man to call." "AMEN!" "U Spreekt met Elder Johnson." "I speak English." "I'm American." "Elder Calhoun." "This is Elder Calhoun." "It's him." "We've got ten minutes to clean." "And I want to go over..." "Are we in the right place?" "Here's a note." "'To Elder Rogers... ' 'and Het De Groenijte..." it means "Greenie. '" "Read it." "'We hope you like what we've done." "'We wish you success." "'We left an English Book of Mormon and a Joseph Smith pamphlet." "'Elders Johnson and Van Pelt." "P.S. The toilet is clogged. '" "Whoooooooah!" "Lets go over what we'll teach." "You told him 8:30." " Positive." "I checked with him twice." "He knows where we live?" " He said so." "You told him upstairs?" "Yes." "All right." "This will be hard in English." "Why don't we give him the baptismal challenge first?" "I bet he's dyin' ta hear it." "He hasn't read the Book of Mormon." "You gave him a Dutch copy." "True conversion takes time." " Remember that." "Should I write that down?" " No, just remember." "When he gets here, sit, listen, learn, and bear your testimony." "How do I know when?" " What do you mean?" "I'll tell you when." "Then hand him this pamphlet." "What do I bear my testimony on?" "How about Joseph Smith?" "He'll have questions, so let me answer them." "Okay." "I don't know this in English- we can't use flip charts." "I have them in English." "I know every flip." "I'm sure!" " Go get 'em." "That's where he sits." "That's where I sit." "What time is it?" " Almost 8:30." "My first discussion!" "What are you doing?" " I hear somethin'." "Elder, come here." "Come on." "Now sit." "Stay." "When he comes, I want you to sit and be patient." "Don't attack him!" " Okay." "Okay." "Calm down." "Ooh." "You remember what to say?" " Yeah." "You have the pamphlet?" "Calm down." "I'm gonna answer the door." "Hi!" "I'm excited to see you!" "He's excited about having you here." "I came from the doctor's office." "Ain't you feelin' well?" "It's an optometrist." "I work there." "You look great in white!" "Come in." "I came to return your book." "I'm not going to use this." "It's Dutch." "Here's an English one!" " Thank you." "I don't know your name." "Kyle Harrison." "Elder John Rogers." "'Elder' is the title we hold." "The name of our church is..." "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." "You've met Elder Calhoun." "I hope he told you about the Book of Mormon." "He gave a brief history." "We believe the Book of Mormon is the word of God, as translated by Joseph Smith." "I know..." "We live in a time of unrest." "People are discouraged and looking for something." "Kyle, would be important if God gave us guidance today?" "Why, yes." "God does still love us and leads us by a prophet." "And I know that..." "I would like to tell you about a prophet, Joseph Smith." "While a young man, in 1820, Joseph lived in New York." "He talked of religious excitement." "Everyone was torn between religions." "He wanted to know the truth." "He came across a scripture- James 1:5." "Could you read that." "It's, James 1:5." "Read that out loud." "'If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, 'that giveth to all men, and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him. '" "Never had a scripture hit him so hard." "He pondered this because, if anyone lacked wisdom, it was him." "He wanted to know truth." "He needed to ask God." "One spring morning, he did that." "He went into the woods, knelt, and began to pray out loud." "While praying, he said he saw a column of light brighter than the sun, fall upon him." "He became completely encompassed by the light." "And above him, he saw two personages, whose brightness and glory were beyond description." "And one of them spoke, saying," "'Joseph, this is my beloved Son." "Hear Him. '" "We testify that God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith and spoke with him." "And that's why we're here." "That's why I'm here." "That's why I'm here..." "to bring you this message, so you can come to know of the truth also." "I also know that Joseph Smith was a pamphlet." "Prophet." "He was a prophet." "I know what you meant." "They finished?" " No." "He must be interested!" "Of all the times for Rogers to be teaching!" "I don't want to disturb them." "It's not 9:30." "I don't want them thinking we're waiting." "Correction." "You don't want them thinking you've been waiting." "Don't drag me in." "If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be out here." "You gave Reicher my flippin' player!" "I heard that!" "I'm tired of you hitting!" "You said I could..." " I KNOW!" "I don't care." "I enjoy saying..." "Don't say..." "FLIP!" "I feel so much better." "Flip!" "Flip!" "Flip, flip, flip, flip, flippty, flippity, flip." "What are you doing?" "Writing down how many times you say it." "Read my lips!" "Don't hit me!" "I have no feeling in my arm!" "I want you to leave me alone." "I'm just trying to help." "If you wanna help, leave me alone!" "It's late, and you are getting tired of questions." "I probably ought to go." "Don't leave on our account." "There's lots more ya gotta learn before you get baptized." "He meant there's more to teach about our Church." "Yeah." "Have you ever pondered the questions:" "where do you come from, why you're here, and where you're goin'?" "Yeah." "I have asked myself those questions." "You have?" "We can't teach you everything in one night." "Many things were revealed to Joseph Smith, among them the answers to these questions." "Perhaps if you read the Book of Mormon and pray, we could go further ...if you'd like." "I'd like that." " You would?" "Yeah, he would." " Great!" "Why don't we set up another appointment?" "Tomorrow?" " Fine." "The same time?" " Okay." "Looks like we can squeeze you in there." "Ah, flip!" "They're just standing around." "I'm sorry." "I FORGOT!" "You're gonna regret that!" "I'll see you tomorrow." "Excuse me." "What was that?" "That was Elder Van Pelt." "Oh!" "He needed to go." "You can't hide!" "Sorry." "Where is he?" "Oh, gosh!" "NO, no." " What?" "Oh, hi." "Sorry." "I didn't..." "We were playing tag." "I was it." "Oh!" "Eeeeeeyaaaaaah!" "Eeeeeeyaaaaaah!" "Okay, Elder." "I'm sorry." "I won't do it again!" "He had it coming!" "WHAT?" "I love what you've done with the place." "Take long?" "No." "Elder Rogers and I were only gone about five minutes." "You might want to untie Elder Van Pelt." "I wouldn't want you to cut yourself." "Elder, can I see that, please?" "Well?" "President, you know..." "He was..." "I was..." "It's all my fault." "I'm sorry." "I lost control..." "No, I'm to blame as well." "That's a start." "I don't want to lecture." "There is something missing." "Can you feel that?" "Perhaps the Lord could shed light on this:" "Doctrine and Covenants 42:14." "Elder Rogers, could you help us with that, please?" "'And ye shall receive the Spirit by the prayer of faith;" "and if ye receive not the Spirit ye shall not teach. '" "Get the message, boys?" "I've been a physician and written my share of prescriptions." "I think this calls for spiritual medication." "Elder Johnson." "Yes, sir." "Apply this once a day, and call me in a month." "Yes, sir." "Elder Van Pelt." "You've been out six months?" "Yes, sir." "Apply this twice a day, and call me in a week." "Elder Calhoun, has Elder Rogers been workin' you hard?" "Yes, sir." "I see." "Keep working on that Dutch." "Elder Rogers, I got a call from a concerned mother, who hadn't received a letter in months." "I promised she'd get one letter a week." "You wouldn't make a liar out of me, would you?" "No, sir." "All right, brethren." "Let's get back to work." "While you're at it, clean this flippin' place." "Remember, this is the Lord's time you're on." "I'm never going to be Assistant now." "I'm sorry I lost it." "I'm sorry about President." "I'm sorry about your investigator." "Can I have the tape?" "I still ain't got batteries." " I do." "My tape..." "I got one." "How'd your discussion go?" "It was great!" "The Spirit was strong!" "Elder Rogers knew every answer to everything he asked." "He's comin' again tomorrow." "It's workin'." "How come you are teaching him here?" "He didn't think his roommates would want us there, so he asked to come here." "You guys gotta hear this!" "This is great!" "This guy could be golden." "You're lucky to find him your first day." "Hallo" " U Spreekt met Elder Van Pelt." "President?" "Yes." "I'll send him down." "Good night." "Johnson!" "Ha, ha, ha." "You guys wouldn't believe this." "I won't recognize home." "President wants you now." "Okay." "How's Julie doin'?" "Fine." "Couldn't be better." "Tape over?" "Nope." "Plenty more." "She went to a dance with a roommate." "Aren't you jealous-her going to a dance?" "We were made for each other." "What could happen?" "S- o-o-o-o?" "Who wants to hear Julie's voice?" "That's not a good idea." "You're probably right." "Hi, Emmit!" "I just got back." "I met this returned issionary." "He's been back a month." "My roommate adores him, and asked him to dinner." "We don't have anything to make him." "Emmit, it's almost 1:00." "I'm really tired." "I'll finish this tomorrow." "Good night." "Sorry it's taken so long;" "it's three weeks since I recorded." "So many things have happened." "I don't know where to start." "You've always been honest;" "you'd want me to be, too." "You remember that nice returned missionary?" "His name is Scott Swanson." "We've been seeing each other every night for three weeks." "Tonight he asked me to marry him." "We're getting married June 14th." "That's six weeks away..." "Sorry about the numbers, Elder." "We're just having a bad week." "Rogers and Calhoun?" "Uh, okay..." "They taught 10 discussions, placed 22 Book of Mormons, made 6 referrals, proselyted 58 hours," "0 challenges, 0 baptisms." "Elder Calhoun wanted me to ask what the mission record is for Book of Mormons placed in a week." "Sixty-one, huh?" "Wow!" "I'll let him know." "Sixty-one." " Sixty-two." "They taught 26 discussions, placed 44 Book of Mormons, made 11 referrals, proselyted 64 hours," "6 challenges, 0 baptisms." "They're really on fire." "I'll tell him you said that." "Elder Van Pelt says, 'Hi. '" "Close your eyes." "C'mon, you can do it." "Do it!" "Do it!" "Yeah!" "We did better this week." "Elder Van Pelt?" "He's fine." "Rogers and Calhoun?" "They're quite a team." "They're leading the mission?" "Wow, how about that?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "They taught 37 discussions, placed 62 Book of Mormons- Books of-er-Book of Mormons, they made 9 referrals, proselyted 72 hours, challenged, well..." "we probably shouldn't count these, 'cause Calhoun challenges everybody he talks to!" "No, there's nothing's wrong with that." "Okay." "Ninety-seven challenged, and 0 baptisms." "They are close with Kyle." "Yeah." "I'll tell him." "We will try to keep up." "They set a pretty high bar." "Thanks, Elder." "Tot Ziens." "Was that the Zone Leaders?" "Yeah." "Did they ask about me?" " You know, they did." "They asked if you were ready to go senior companion, or even district leader!" "You're kiddin'." "Yes, I am!" "I don't think that's funny." "Let's get something to eat." "It's almost 4:00." "I'm starving." "She's been married 14 hours." "She didn't invite me to the wedding." "How could she?" "You're 5,000 miles away." "It's the thought that counts." "I wonder what she's doing right now." "What difference does it make?" "None, but it doesn't hurt to wonder." "Let's see." "It's eight hours difference." "It's early morning there." "She's probably still asleep." "Sorry." "Forget I said anything." "Aaahhh!" "I know how Rogers felt!" "Elder, you're hopeless." "You're totally hopeless." "You been here all day?" "You been here all day?" "I have." "He's been in the Twilight Zone." "What ya listenin' to?" " Tab Choir." "Tab Choir, yeah." "How'd that get there?" "Don't even act like you're asleep, because when you're asleep you snore." "Elder Calhoun, you wanna get something to eat?" "I don't know." "Elder, do...?" "Yeah, I do." " Okay." "Kyle's coming in 45 minutes." "We'll be back soon, Dad." "Elder Van Pe-lt?" "Ye-es." "Don't corrupt him." "Go ahead and say it." " Say what?" "'I told you so. '" "Haven't you been hard enough on yourself?" "It really does hurt." "I know." "I've been there, remember?" "What made you snap out of it?" "How come you're suddenly on fire?" "Afew things." "Elder Calhoun's one of them." "Something you said bothered me." "What was that?" "What you said about knowing why you came, and if I did." "Don't remind me." "That really got to me." "That first night we taught Kyle..." "It hit me." "I did come for the right reasons." "I just lost sight of that for awhile." "Don't let that happen." "It's not worth it." "Where have I heard that?" "Aren't you bitter about Richardson?" "Yeah, I'm a little bitter." "But I've made myself a promise." "When I go home, I'm gonna look him up." "I'm gonna shake his hand and ask him how he's doin'." "Then I'm gonna punch him in the mouth!" "What about baptisms, Elder?" "Don't you feel bad?" "It would have been nice." "I'm saying, 'numbers don't count. '" "What about Kyle?" "I thought he was close." "He's going out of town." "I thought he was making progress." "He knows it's true." "He just doesn't want to change yet." "You weren't long." "Where'd ya go?" "To the store across the street." "Elder Calhoun." " Yeah." "What should we teach Kyle tonight?" "Let's challenge him again." "No." "We've challenged him so much, it's not a challenge." "It's a plea." "Kyle!" "Come on in." "I thought we said 5:30." "I have plans later, so I came early." "You remember Elder Johnson." " We met briefly." "And Elder Van Pelt?" " Hi." "I hope we're not interrupting." "Good to see you again." "Elder Calhoun has answers to your questions." "Good." "The reason I came by early..." "Acts chapter 8:14-20." "Before you get right there and 14 to 20." "So does that help answer..." " It does." "But, but wait." "Could I squeeze a word in?" "I wanted to come over and talk... because I really appreciate..." "It's been great." "I've been giving it a lot of thought." "That's why I came by early..." "I wanted to tell you that I..." "I wanna be baptized." "Great." "You what?" "I wanna be baptized." "I can, can't I?" "Oh, no, no." "Yes, yes, yes." "You caught me by surprise." "It came by surprise to me too." "I really know that this is what I wanna do." "Congratulations." "Congratulations." "Thanks." "You are great." "I'm excited." "Elder..." "Holy cow." "Congratulations!" "Okay." "Now what do we do?" "I don't know." "I've never gotten this far before." "Why don't we sit down?" "We should set a date." " How about tomorrow?" "No, that's a little soon." "There are more questions and an appointment with the DL" "I'll be out of town 'til Saturday." "That's perfect." "That's the day that Elder Rogers goes home." "Is that inconvenient?" "No." "I can leave right after the service." "Great!" "Well, let's see." " Write this down." "We'll need someone to baptize you." "Maybe Brother Cross?" "You guys have gotten close." "Yeah, we have." "If I have a choice," "I'd rather have you do it, Elder Rogers." "You want me?" "That's not allowed?" "Oh, no, no." "I just don't know what to say." "Well say, 'Yes. '" "Yes." "I would love to." "We'll take care of everything." "You're gonna have a million reasons not to go through with this." "But I promise, if you hold true, you'll never regret it." "I'll remember that." "You said you have plans." "A date." " With a girl?" "Thanks thanks again for everything." "Don't worry." "I'll make it." "Okay." "See ya, Kyle." "Do you know what this means?" "First baptism!" "Your own!" "This is it." "No better way to end than with a baptism." "Who'd-a thought?" "Anybody you want me to look up?" "Family?" "Old companions?" "Ex-girlfriends?" "No, I've only got a few months left." "Besides, Elder Van Pelt's sister's been writing." "Really?" "Any possibilities?" "Maybe." "She's six." "Take care." "I didn't think I'd ever say this, but you've inspired me." "If you repeat that, I'll kill ya." "Fair enough." "Can you take a picture?" "Flip." "This isn't fair." "You got me saying it." "AAAHHHHH!" "Lucky they're getting transferred." "I don't think they'd make it another month." "Wait." "I wanted to tell you a couple of things." "I didn't get a chance earlier." "I wanted to say how much I enjoyed working with you." "It's from Kyle and me." " What?" "Oh, thank you!" "They look good." "You'll like your new companion." "He's a hard worker." "You will get along fine." "So, let's see." "Mm." "You got the tracting books?" " Yes." "You know the investigators' names?" " Yes." "Got the streets memorized?" "Good!" "I can handle it, okay?" "I know you can." "It passes you by so fast." "Don't let one moment pass you by, okay?" "Just remember that." "I will." "You gonna write that down?" "* Mama makes the best fried chicken, *" "And everybody knows Oklahoma*" "* Makes the very best football teams" "* I believe that the Mormons *" "* Make the best pioneers, *" "SoI 'mgoing to the land of the tulips," "* Where I'm gonna make the best two years. *" "* The best two years,I the best two years, *" "Yes, I'll be testifying * in my very best suit from Sears. *" "* The best two years, the best two years, *" "* I'm going to the land of the tulips, *" "* Where I'm gonna make the best two years. *" "* Well, first I've got to warm the little Dutch boy, *" "* Who stuck his finger ln the middle of the dike, *" "* That a flood of love is coming, *" "And it's riding on a 10-speed bike." "* The wheels spin faster than a windmill, *" "* Cause I'm always ln the highest gears. * * around the land of the tulips, *" "* I'll be turning out the best two years. *" "* The best two years, the best two years, *" "Yes, I'll be testifying" "* In my very best suit from Sears. *" "* The best two years, the best two years, *" "* I'm going to the land of the tulips, *" "* Where I'm gonna make the best two years. *" "* I may not be a looker, *" "* And I may not know that much, *" "* But I will have a book or two *" "Of Mormons wrote in Dutch." "* And I may not be kissing the one *" "* Who's gonna be my wife, *" "* But my two lips will thank the Lord *" "* For the best two years of my whole life. *" "* I'll be ringing lots of doorbells, *" "* I'll be talking ln the street, *" "I'll be preaching with the Spirit" "* To every single person that I meet. *" "And sometimes I'll get frightened," "But that feeling always disappers" "* Here in the land of the tulips, *" "I'll be knocking out my best two years." "Knocking out my best two years..." "Knocking out my best two years."