"(wind whistling)" "♫ Do do do do do do do" "♫ Where the four winds blow" "♫ And it's five miles wide" "♫ Where a six-gun rules and a man can't hide" "♫ A man can play and a man can win" "♫ Lucky Luke rides again" "♫ Lucky Luke, born to ride" "♫ With a six-gun by his side" "♫ Lucky Luke, here's to you" "♫ Do do do do do do do" "♫ There's a man who waits over yonder hill" "♫ And when he shoots, he shoots to kill" "♫ But he don't know that in the end" "♫ Lucky Luke will ride again" "♫ Lucky Luke, born to ride" "♫ With a six-gun by his side" "♫ Lucky Luke, here's to you" "♫ Do do do do do do do" "♫ On the dusty trail 'neath the western sky" "♫ Where the sun shines hard enough to fry" "♫ A cowboys dream must never end" "♫ Lucky Luke rides again" "♫ Lucky Luke, born to ride" "♫ With a six-gun by his side" "♫ Lucky Luke here's to you" "♫ Do do do do do do do do" "♫ Lucky Luke, born to ride" "♫ With a six-gun by his side" "♫ Lucky Luke, here's to you" "♫ Do do do do do do do" "♫ Lucky Luke, born to ride" "♫ With a six-gun by his side" "♫ Lucky Luke, here's to you" "(gun firing) (glass shattering)" "♫ Do do do do do do do" "(wind whistling)" "[Jumper] Simple joys of a cowboys life." "Sleeping under an open sky." "Waking to the song of birds, and looking forward to the day's first hot cup of coffee." "(birds chirping)" "(Luke exhales deeply)" "(Jumper grunts)" "Darn it." "[Jumper] Oh no you don't, come on, get up Luke." "Don't go back to sleep on me." "I'm hungry, come on feed me." "I want my oats." "Some people say cattle are the lifeblood of the West, others say gold." "They're all wrong, it's coffee." "Pour me some of that would you Cal." "Ain't much left." "A.J. what're you doing?" "Well I'm having a little coffee." "Come on, you just wait your turn." "Well I haven't had any yet." "[Cal] You all can work it out." "I'm having me a cup now." "Hey hey, there he goes." "[Jumper] Yeah, nothing drives a cowboy crazier than missing out on his morning cup of coffee." "Which brings us the day the pot ran dry in Daisy Town." "(bell ringing)" "[Man] Stop that noise!" "Keep that bell from ringing!" "[Male] Stop from ringing that dam bell in the morning now!" "(bell ringing)" "Morning Preacher." "(crowd shouting)" "(bell ringing)" "(mellow music)" "[Jumper] Yeah Luke, even Lotta's coffee will taste good this morning." "Good morning Mrs. McCreary." "Oh no it ain't." "Virgil, Virgil?" "(patrons snoring)" "[Lotta] Ah for crying out loud." "What's going on here?" "Do think you could possibly say hello Lotta, or good to see you again Lotta, or heaven forbid, I missed you Lotta?" "Hello Lotta, I missed you Lotta." "Now what's going on here?" "Oh it's the coffee." "The supply wagon's a week late and the whole town's run out." "Lotta we need some coffee." "Two cups now." "Hey I'm all out too." "Unless you've got some." "Me, I was hoping to get some from you." "Whiskey Lotta." "Better go easy for awhile Otto." "Daggone it Lotta, if I can't have coffee, I want whiskey." "Now start pouring." "One whiskey coming right up." "There you go." "That's (clears throat) that's good." "Oh Luke half these people are in the worst mood ever, and the other half can't wake themselves up." "I got a headache you don't wanna know about." "Doctor what do ya think it is?" "My diagnosis is psychosis, along with a lack of motivation brought on by acute caffeine deprivation." "All that from going without coffee?" "Oh there's no question, but that caffeine ingestion exacts vitality, and can alter a personality." "What's your prescription for this affliction?" "I can say with clarity that the only therapy is that rarity (yawns) a hot cup of coffee." "That said, I'm off to bed." "Come on Peaches, you know you're sweet on me." "Zeb." "Yes Peaches." "Take your hands off me." "Zeb, your wife's looking for you." "She says if you're not home before noon you can sleep in the chicken coop again." "Oh well I, I best go check up on the little lady." "Luke a telegram for you from the Governor." "Read it to me Panchito." "Meet passenger on noon stage, stop." "Edgar J. Rockbottom, stop." "Bought ranch near Daisy Town, stop." "Welcome him to territory, stop." "Signed Governor Busby." "Well isn't that just like a politician?" "Always cozying up to somebody." "Try our tea, good for nerves." "Oh you're just a teetotaler." "Try our tea, keeps you young, keeps you hopping." "Try our tea, ancient potion from East like coffee." "Coffee?" "Good." "The wagon's coming." "It's the coffee, the coffee's here!" "You hauling coffee?" "No, just a couple strappers, been gone at it since Gopher Gulch." "Shoot, now when are we gonna get coffee?" "I bet that's Edgar." "Allow me Miss Anthony." "Don't strain yourself Mr. Rockbottom." " That is Susan B." " Anthony, the suffragette." "How about that?" "A famous person right here in Daisy Town." "Oh, what a dreary little hole in the wall." "Mr. Rockbottom, I'm Lucky Luke." "The Governor says howdy and hopes you'll be as happy here as a horsefly on a cow pie." "Well it'll have to do." "I've searched the territory for months, and Dusty Town is the best place for our factory." "It's Daisy Town." "Indeed." "Ain't you the one fixing' to put up a factory in the old Ramirez Ranch?" "Quite so, we'll raze the place, and build a modern Rockbottom Buggy Whip facility." "Well as soon as I've accounted for my luggage, perhaps you could tell me where I might find a bit of libation." "Uh Miss Anthony, uh I'm Miss Lotta Legs, proprietress of the local saloon." "On behalf of Daisy Town, welcome." "Why thank you Lotta, but I doubt this town will welcome a suffragette." "What's a suffragette?" "A woman who's fighting to get the vote." "Hells bells, ain't we got enough to worry about with the coffee gone?" "The last thing we need is some hysterical lady squawking about women voting." "What's this country coming to." "I mean the next thing you know, they're gonna wanna give monkeys the vote." "Judging by present company I'd say they already have." "After you." "Thank you ma'am." "[Susan] Gentlemen." "Well compliments of the Rockbottom Buggy Whip Company." "Thanks." "(whip snaps)" "I'm encouraging woman to run for public office." "We may not have the vote yet, but who's to say we can't be Governor." "You are very different from what I pictured." "Oh?" "Well what I mean is that the newspapers made you out to be a crazy woman." "(chuckles) Oh well I can breath fire if I have to." "Miss Anthony." "Susan." "Susan, I'd like to invite to stay with me while you're in town." "I have a room above the saloon." "It's a little noisy but." "Well thanks Lotta, I'd like that." "Follow me." "Oh." "(whimsical guitar music)" "Let's just see now, no no." "Hey coffee." "I saw that first." "It's mine." "(fists thudding)" "(bottles crashing)" "(fists thudding)" "(bottle crashing)" "(fists thudding)" "Can't you control these ruffians Sheriff?" "Yep." "Hold it you ruffians." "(fists thudding)" "Goodness gracious men." "Ah yes." "(cane thudding)" "(fist thudding)" "Hey hold it." "(fist thudding)" "Sorry." "(fists thudding)" "(stools crashing)" "Luke you're suppose to set a good example." "I stopped it didn't I?" "Ahem, Cal what happened?" "Uh Zeb and Titus were digging through the garbage looking for coffee grounds." "Titus found some but, but I saw 'em first." "And Zeb slugged me and I hit 'em back, and then Cal slugged Titus." "All this over coffee?" "Why didn't you ration it when you saw you were running out?" "Instead of telling me how to run my saloon maybe you should be out looking for the supply wagon Sheriff." "Are you telling me how to do my job?" "From what I've just seen, she knows it better than you." "You're not going to brook this insolence from a woman are you Sheriff?" "Butt out pantywaist." "Oh the effrontery of these women claiming they could do a man's job." "Maybe I could." "Of course you could." "(snickers) The first hint of trouble they'd coming whining to a man to save their skin (laughs)." "Why don't you give her a chance?" "To prove the point." "You want my job?" "You've got it." "(mellow guitar music)" "Congratulations Sheriff Legs." "Well now we'll get this coffee mess straightened out." "(snickers) Good strategy old man." "Teaching her a lesson by letting her fall on her face." "That should be amusing (chuckles)." "Well I have business to attend to." "Ladies, compliments of the Rockbottom Buggy Whip facility." "You're just joshin' ain't ya Luke?" "She's the new Sheriff?" "Yep." "Well Sheriff, what're you gonna do when you arrest somebody slap their wrist (laughing)?" "The Sheriff doesn't have time to stand around and josh." "She has work to do." "Right." "(Titus laughing)" "(whimsical music)" "Hey come on Luke, Luke come on." "I wouldn't miss this for the world (laughing)." "What's Luke tryin' to prove?" "I don't know but that darn Susan B." "Is more irritating than a rock in your boot." "That's for dang sure." "We'll start by cleaning up his office, it'll probably need it." "(whimsical music)" "(horse whinnying)" "Well obviously we're gonna have to rearrange the entire place." "Obviously." "Oh and look at this, guns left hanging here where anybody could just reach in and take them." "No steel support, and these posters, the Dalton's hanging in with the James brothers, and didn't anyone ever tell you pictures should be hung at eye level?" "(Luke scoffs)" "Move along gentlemen, we have work to do." "Well Luke, now that Lotta's takin' over the sheriffin' looks like you're out of a job." "What're you gonna do?" "Well ah, there's an opening in the saloon." "You, a saloon keeper?" "(chuckles) That's a laugh." "Why not?" "Can't be that hard." "That place is always such a mess." "Really?" "Well then go ahead, run the saloon." "(Titus laughing)" "(Luke chuckles)" "What's Luke up to now?" "He's got a lot of nerve." "Ignore him Lotta." "(upbeat guitar music) (crowd chattering)" "Look at it, it's a pigpen." "Well you guys just had a fight here." "How can you tell, it's always like this." "All right, let's get to work." "(upbeat guitar music)" "(whimsical flute music)" "(whimsical drum music)" "(whimsical flute music)" "(Susan gasps)" "(whimsical music)" "(Corinne screams) (glass shattering)" "Careful, I just cleaned it." "(counter squeaking)" "(whimsical music)" "Well what do ya think?" "It's all right if you like museums." "I liked it better as a pigpen." "Luke, Luke!" "Come on boys, come on, come on." "Luke, Luke!" "That has to be the coffee." "I've been robbed, I've been robbed." "Luke, Luke, I've been robbed!" "What're you talking about Bowler?" "It's full up back there." "No the coffee, he took every last bit." "Who?" "Mendez." "Just who exactly is this Mendez Sheriff?" "Only the wildest outlaw west of the Pecos." "I heard he once shot a man just for slurping' his soup." "I heard he steals woman folk." "Takes them off to be his love slaves." "You mean Mendez has all the coffee, and we won't get any for dang knows how long?" "Looks that way." "[Zeb] Well what're gonna do?" "This is horrible." "I want coffee now!" "You're the Sheriff." "(chicken squawking)" "This place ain't no fun no more." "Sure ain't." "Peaches, empty the ashtray on table number seven, it's got two butts in it." "Yes boss." "[Jumper] Look at him, he's a cowboy not a barmaid." "Next time he's walkin', I got an image to protect." "Ladies, I mean Sheriff." "How's it going?" "Customers ever get rowdy on ya?" "No, since I've cleaned up the place, they've changed." "(counter squeaking)" "Ah how about you, how's the sheriffing?" "Just dandy." "As a matter of fact, we're here on official business." "Listen men, I'm raisin' a posse to go after the coffee thieves." "(men scoff)" "What is it?" "That ain't right." "Luke's been our sheriff for years." "We ain't joining no posse but one he's leadin'." "And I ain't huntin' Mendez with no darn woman." "Well Lotta's the Sheriff now, you can go with her if you want." "Well if, if you say so Luke." "I'll go." "Count me in." "Meet me at the Sheriff's Office in 10 minutes." "I get to do some real sheriffin' now." "Lotta, you should handle this one on your own." "You're not going?" "Actually I never learned to ride a horse." "(counter squeaking)" "(Lotta clears throat)" "(triumphant music)" "Ho!" "Well, now lookie here." "These tracks look mighty suspicious." "Well what do ya think Zeb?" "Yep, that's where they ambushed the wagon." "I believe you're right." "Good work men." "Now if we just follow this trail, this will lead us right to Mendez." "Come on men, we got a bandit to catch." "Lotta, thems our own tracks." "The bandits go this way." "I knew that, just makin' sure you're on your toes." "All right, follow me." "(triumphant music)" "(whimsical guitar music)" "This way men." "Oh, Lotta are you sure you wanna go that way?" "Yes, now get a move on." "(rock whirling)" "(posse chattering)" "All right, we'll go that way." "Never should've gone chasing around the dessert with some dang female in charge." "Lotta don't know beans about tracking'." "Just wait til Luke hears about this (chuckles)." "Just shut up, all of ya!" "(Mendez laughing)" "(dramatic music)" "I'm Sheriff Legs from Daisy Town." "Drop your weapons!" "And I am Mendez, wildest outlaw north of the Pecos!" "Come Lotta, let's get while the gettin's good." "Come on, let's go." "Drop those guns and come down in the name of the law!" "You heard the lady amigos (laughs loudly)." "I'm coming, here I come." "I am lookin' for the varmint who stole Daisy Town's coffee." "[Mendez] You found him my luscious little enchilada (chuckles)." "Oh well, then you're under arrest Mister." "Not so fast, don't you even want to know why I did it?" "Yeah, why'd you do it?" "Can't you see, it's ingenious," "I control the town's coffee, I control the town." "People will pay anything to get their coffee back (chuckles)." "Town by town I choke off the coffee supply until I control the entire West until the whole country will come crawling to Mendez (chuckles)." "And now that Lucky Luke has been replaced by a women, my task is even easier." "That does it, you're under arrest." "You can't arrest me." "You got no evidence." "You just confessed." "I lied and now we must part my little Chihuahua." "I leave you with a kiss." "Mm mm mm, ha ha ha!" "You're resisting arrest!" "Get back here you mangy, marpy, dog flea ridden (gasps)." "Til we meet again, ha ha ha ha, ya!" "I'm going nowhere ha." "Ah shoot!" "[Mendez] Ha, ya!" "(upbeat guitar music)" "Edgar's place Jumper." "Not a bad spread." "[Jumper] Anything looks good after being cooped up in that saloon all day." "(upbeat guitar music)" "[Luke] Luke, Lucky Luke to see Mr. Edgar Rockbottom." "Greetings Sheriff." "Your message said something about coffee." "Yes indeed, after I heard of the unfortunate shortage in our quaint little berg," "I managed to locate a shipment at Stinkweed Junction." "That's only a days ride." "Mm, however there is one stipulation." "It must be claimed by Friday lest we lose it to a higher bidder." "All right, I'll ride out first thing tomorrow morning." "Excellent." "There is one other matter Sheriff." "I'd like you to have all our coffee here at the hacienda." "Perhaps it will alleviate the unpleasant situation at Dozy Town." "It's Daisy Town." "Yes, ah here we are." "Five pounds of the finest Columbian." "Thanks a lot." "Oh, I only wish I could do more for my adopted abode." "I'll be back in two days." "Bon voyage Sheriff." "(whimsical guitar music)" "Nice boots." "(dramatic music)" "Oh please come, you'll have a good time." "Here you go ladies." "Come to the meeting tomorrow, see you there." "Thank you, I know you'll enjoy it, lots of good." "Ooh could you hand these out for me, thank you." "(whimsical music)" "Lotta what happened?" "Oh I'll tell ya later." "Right now all I need is a nice hot cup of coff, tea." "(door squeaks)" "Oh Sheriff, Miss Anthony." "Did you get Mendez?" "You can't going around arresting people without evidence." "You had a hard day huh?" "I've got just what you need." "A nice hot cup of coffee." "Where did you get that?" "A good saloon keeper looks after his customers." "You like extra milk right?" "Luke where did this coffee come from?" "I've got my sources." "Very well, if you won't tell us, we don't want any." "Do we?" "Well uh." "Come on Lotta, let's take our business elsewhere." "Can't let it go to waste, mm." "[Jumper] Guess he didn't read the fine print." "I don't do wagons." "(hand thuds)" "Watch that." "[Luke] Good morning." "Going somewhere?" "I'll be back soon." "Gotta do something for Edgar." "Corinne is gonna run the saloon." "You're just gonna run off in the middle of a crisis?" "Be back soon." "You're being pretty irresponsible Luke!" "Let him go." "You don't need him around second guessing us." "Right." "[Jumper] Hey, we there yet?" "Could've at least said whoa." "Hey Luke, get me outta this rig, get me out of it huh?" "I think we've gone far enough Jumper." "[Jumper] So do I." "(whimsical music)" "(inhales) The coffee is back." "(ominous guitar music)" "It's Mendez." "Do not be afraid Daisy Town people." "I won't hurt you." "I have coffee." "You want coffee no?" "[Crowd] Yeah!" "Bueno, now get your money out." "Five pounds for $100.00." "But that's 20 times as much as what we paid before." "Oh if it's too expensive." "No no no, we'll buy it." "We got it right it." "That's what I thought." "Now who is going to be the first?" "[Titus] We were." "[Man] Over here." "[Cal] No we were." "We were here first." "Those beans are stolen." "Lucky Luke." "You're under arrest Mendez." "Luke." "Excuse me but technically Luke, you don't have the power to arrest anyone." "You're not the Sheriff anymore." "It's a citizens arrest." "Ha ha ha, but the citizens don't want me to be arrested." "Do you?" "[Crowd] No!" "(Mendez laughing)" "What's going on here?" "Mendez is trying to sell stolen coffee for $20.00 a pound." "You can't do that Mendez." "How do you know it's stolen?" "[Lotta] How do you know it's stolen?" "It's stolen." "If you sell coffee at those prices," "I'll arrest you for gauging." "All right Senorita Legs, you don't want me to sell coffee, fine." "But out of this Lotta, we're sick of waitin' on you." "You ain't done diddly squat." "I won't sell it, I give it away to you lady sheriff, aha." "Ya ya!" "No wait, wait." "I intend to see that each of you get an equal share of the beans." "(whimsical music) (crowd cheering)" "What should we do?" "You're the Sheriff." "(whimsical piano music)" "(man in black hat chuckles)" "Ahhh." "I hate rings." "(hooves thudding) (riders hooting and hollering)" "(Luke humming)" "(hooves thudding) (riders hooting and hollering)" "(Luke humming)" "(hooves thudding) (riders hooting and hollering)" "(Luke humming)" "(riders hooting and hollering)" "Set 'em up barkeep, this is payday and we mean to celebrate." "(gun firing)" "(lamp clanging)" "Not until you take off those boots." "(whimsical music)" "Four more beers Luke." "Coming up." "How about my two Sarsaparillas?" "Here." "[Titus] Need a refill Luke." "Hold your horses." "[Jumper] Watch your language." "Ooh, Turbinado sugar." "Let the whiskey pour Luke." "Forget it Otto, you've had enough." "I said let it pour and I meant it!" "(gun firing) (glass shattering)" "(pot thuds)" "Why didn't you do like Lotta and give him water?" "He never knows the difference." "Hey Luke, ain't you got no entertainment in this saloon?" "Nope." "Lotta always sings for us." "Can't you sing or nothing?" "She says it calms them down." "Well sometimes when I'm out on a trail alone" "I sing a bit and I'm not half bad." "[Jumper] Oh and you're more than half bad." "(horse whinnying)" "♫ Oh give me a home" "♫ Where the buffalo roam" "♫ And the deer and the antelope play" "♫ Where seldom is heard" "♫ A discouraging word" "[Cal] Sounds like a wounded cow." "He couldn't carry a tune in a bushel basket." "Get off the stage." "[Cal] Boo!" "[Otto] Get off the stage!" "[Man] Boo!" "(Titus howls)" "♫ Where seldom is heard" "♫ A discouraging word" "[Jumper] I'm not embarrassed." "♫ And the skies are not cloudy all day" "♫ Home, home on the range" "♫ Where the deer and the buffalo play" "[Jumper] It's antelope." "♫ Where the deer and the antelope play" "[Jumper] Now you know what I've had to put up with for years (snorts)." "Lotta come quick, two guys are shooting up the town." "Thanks Panchito." "(guns firing) (crowd screaming)" "You there, drop your guns!" "Look Buck, it's the law (laughing)." "Evening Sheriff." "Now cut that out or you'll spend the night in jail." "Why Sheriff that sounds like an invitation to me (laughing)." "Just drop the guns dogface." "Nobody calls me dogface." "Think we oughta settle this like men." "Step aside Buck." "I'm not gonna fight you cowboy." "You insulted me Sheriff, now draw." "What're you waitin' for?" "Don't make me do this." "Go ahead, I deserve it." "(laughing) Let me show you how it's done Sheriff." "(gun firing)" "Come on Buck, let's get a drink." "(cows mooing)" "Some Sheriff." "You really showed him Lotta (laughing)." "Come get it, come get it, tea tea tea, tea tea." "Last call." "Peaches your eyes are as blue as the skies over Daisy Town." "Luke." "Ah come on Luke." "I gotta be home by five." "Hey how's it going?" "Oh fine, how's things at the saloon?" "Oh fine as long as you keep the glasses washed, the drunks under control, and the saloon girls from goofing off." "At least when the saloon closes you're off." "I am never off." "Either somebody's shootin' up the town, or there's a wagon accident or a cat's stuck up in a tree." "On top of all that there's this coffee mess." "Wish you were back in the saloon?" "I wouldn't think of turning my back on this job." "Not while that snake Mendez is on the loose." "I could help with that." "No, I don't want you to help me." "Everything is under control." "I just need to find Mendez's hideout and then I'll nail him." "Why do you suppose Edgar wanted me out of town the same day Mendez showed up?" "You don't think Edgar's in cahoots with Mendez?" "(Luke scoffs)" "We will not be treated like second class citizens." "We are just as worthy as men." "Just as competent, just as smart, and maybe a whole lot more courageous." "(woman cheering and applauding)" "For example, the other day." "Lotta and the men folk went out on a posse, when the going got rough the men panicked, but this woman, this member of the weaker sex," "she stood her ground, and she faced up to that outlaw." "(women cheering and applauding)" "We can't count on the men anymore, so I say we organize an all women posse," "and help Lotta bring Mendez to justice." "(Cal laughing)" "But we don't know a thing about posses." "I've never even used a shootin' iron." "And I don't know how to ride a horse, but this time that's not stopping me." "I'll ride with you Martha." "You handle the horse, I'll handle the gun." "Fair enough." "Count me in." "We're with you Susan B." "That's the spirit!" "Together we will bring Mendez to justice." "(women cheering and applauding)" "(dramatic drum music)" "(dramatic drum music)" "Lotta, Lotta!" "She's been kidnapped!" "Calm down Martha." "Who's been kidnapped?" "Susa B., I went by your place to fetch her, and I found this." "Lady Sheriff, leave me alone, or your friend gets it, Mendez." "All right ladies, let's go rescue Susan B.," "I know just where he's taken her." "What're you all waitin' for?" "Well maybe we oughta think this over." "I mean if Mendez would attack a defenseless woman." "Oh for heaven sakes I'll do it myself." "[Luke] Wait a minute Lotta." "Luke I know what I'm doing." "You don't stand a chance against Mendez by yourself." "I am going to Edgar's ranch alone." "By now he knows we're on to him." "If he's smart he won't go back there." "Let's have a look at those tracks." "That is a complete waste of time." "He put her on his horse and rode that way." "The opposite direction from the ranch." "(dramatic music)" "Kidnapping me won't scare Lotta." "She'll hunt you down like a dog Mendez." "Ha, don't be ridiculous." "All you women are cowards." "(scoffs) Untie me and we'll see who's the coward." "(chuckles) We will make a loop and backtrack." "Then if Lucky Luke or that loco lady Sheriff try to follow us they will chase the wild goose." "Lotta will never fall for that cheap trick." "(Mendez laughs)" "(dramatic music)" "Well that's funny, the tracks are headed out toward the dessert." "I think you were right after all, he's trying to outsmart us." "He's heading for the ranch." "Oh I don't think he's that smart." "Let's follow the trail, come on." "Daisy Town is just the beginning." "Soon I will bring the whole country to it's knees (chuckles), and then the name Mendez will mean coffee throughout the world." "[Susan] You really are disgusting." "Mercifully you are tongue tied." "Women equal to men (chuckles)." "If you promise not to talk you may have a cup of my finest blend huh." "You promise?" "[Susan] All right." "Well (chuckles)." "Untie me you disgusting." "Mm mm." "(Susan gasps)" "(dramatic music)" "Edgar." "Oh." "Who are you?" "A pompous pantywaist or some South of the Border blowhard?" "Well I was born that pompous pantywaist Edgar Rockbottom, but inside I've always been one Carlos Francisco Battista Mendez!" "The dashing rogue who men fear and women find irresistible." "You're about as irresistible as a case of prickly heat." "What, am I not a romantic outlaw who roams the West seeking adventure and laughing in the face of danger?" "No, you're just as big a fool now as you were as Edgar Rockbottom." "Oh, oh this is most disconcerting." "I have the mustache, the mask, the hat, the cape," "I've tried everything." "Well you do look a little rakish." "You really think so?" "Well yeah, you're a regular swashbuckler Mendez." "Oh ho ho, gracias Susan B. For saying so, and you may call me one Carlos Francisco Battista." "One Carlos Francisco Battista." "You see my darling little tostada." "Cute shoes." "Oh fiddlesticks, not again." "(upbeat guitar music)" "Luke I gotta have some water." "I wouldn't trust those wells." "Well I'm just so thirsty." "[Jumper] Eh, want a drink Black Beauty?" "Oh, are you sure you don't want some nice cool." "(snakes hissing)" "(Lotta screams)" "Rattlesnakes?" "No, no, I'm just not thirsty anymore." "[Jumper] Eh some other time sugar cube." "Let's go." "(mellow guitar music)" "Well this is just great." "You trail us all over creation, when if we'd just done it my way..." "You'd be dying of snake bite right." "I'd have Susan rescued and Mendez behind bars." "You wish Sheriff." "You have a pretty high and mighty attitude..." "Shh!" "You're the Sheriff." "She could be anywhere." "Maybe the closet." "Good idea Sheriff." "(door thuds) (Lotta gasps)" "[Lotta] Luke!" "Shh!" "(ominous music)" "(Luke grunts)" "Don't shoot." "(gun firing)" "(door thuds) (men grunt)" "(heads thud) (men grunt)" "They must be upstairs." "Aha ha, right you are my tantalizing little tamale." "Drop your weapons amigos." "Merci, gracias eh." "(foot thuds) (Mendez grunts)" "(dramatic music)" "Ha ha, en garde, ha ha!" "(Mendez laughing)" "(head thuds) (Mendez grunts)" "[Luke] I'm en garde." "(Mendez growling)" "My Papa!" "(foot thuds) (Mendez grunts)" "(fist thuds) (Luke grunts)" "Ya!" "Ya ha!" "(bag thuds) (Mendez grunts)" "Thanks Lotta." "(Mendez growling)" "(fists thudding)" "(mellow music)" "(crowd cheering)" "Do not be frightened my little fajita." "One Carlos Mendez will yet be triumphant." "Wake up and smell the coffee Mendez, you're history." "Well now that the coffee's back, being Sheriff oughta be a cinch." "[Jumper] Huh she like it." "You're gonna spend the rest of your life behind a counter." "Tea tea tea tea, oh yeah oh tea tea, oh you see." "If I wasn't booked on a speaking tour down South" "I'd stay awhile, but I'll never forget Daisy Town or either of you." "Thanks a lot Miss Anthony." "Oh Lotta, you are a fine example of what a woman can do when she gets a chance." "I'll miss you Susan." "Oh." "Well I, I better get back to that mob in the saloon." "Maybe you should take it easy on the spit and polish for awhile." "People say the place isn't fun anymore." "Who said that, it was Zeb wasn't it, or Jake?" "And he's the worst tipper in town." "Luke you are a good sheriff," "that's what counts." "The best we ever had." "We are just as worthy as men, just as competent, just as smart, and maybe a whole lot more courageous." "[Jumper] As for Susan B. She continued her fight to win the vote for women." "Almost a hundred years later she'd be honored with a silver dollar with her picture on it." "Unfortunately the dollar turned out to be one of the most unpopular coins ever, but knowing Susan B. That wouldn't bother her a bit," "and Mendez he ended up in South America, started a coffee plantation." "Perfectionist that he was he insisted on picking every bean himself." "Years later Mendez's dream would come true." "His face would adorn coffee cans the world over." "♫ Of all the lonesome cowboys in the West" "♫ I figure I've gotta be the lonesomest" "♫ I wanna ride the range where there's lots of elbow room" "♫ Feel the wind blow free and smell the sagebrush bloom" "♫ Gotta be on my ownsome singing my lonesome cowboy blues" "♫ Yes I'm the lonesomest cowboy that I know" "♫ But when it comes to courtin' and such I move real slow" "♫ Met a purdy gal itchin' to get hitched the other day" "♫ My horse got so upset we rode the other way" "♫ I've gotta be on my ownsome" "♫ Singing my lonesome cowboy blues" "♫ Some folks think it's Heaven in a hotel" "♫ With their puffed up pillows and their quilts piled high" "♫ Well I don't hanker for no hotel" "♫ Just wanna kick my boots off by the campfire's glow" "♫ While the lonely coyotes cry" "♫ Well my bed is my horse and saddle"