"DRUNKEN MASTER SLIPPERY SNAKE" "Dearest Daughter, I'm unable to save you and I can not live with the shame." "Dear Daughter, please forgive me and take care of yourself." "What's going on, please don't scare me." "I'm going to be dead soon anyway." "You.. who are you?" "My friend I hope you're not hurt." "So it's you, I thought you might be a ghost." "How can a ghost appear in the day?" "You old Beggar, what are you nosing around here for, go away." "Well I can see that you are in a spot of bother..." "You want to save my life?" " l didn't say that." "Then What do you want?" "l'd like your clothes." "What was that?" "You're going to kill yourself you don't need your clothes anymore." "I suppose so, at least I could help somebody before I die." "How kind of you." "Thank you." "Go on, take it." "Thanks." "You're a generous man." "And I'll be a dead one." "Hold it, hold on." "Now what?" "Your underwear is in good condition I may as well have that too." "Are you completely insane lf l give you my underwear, then I'll be swinging from this tree naked" "Well that's the way you came into the world." "Look old Man, I'm about to die, so cut the jokes okay." "What if you change your mind?" " l have to die." "Why do you have to die?" "My name is Lin, I live alone with my only daughter." "The outlaw Lung Chang, son of Lung Yen Feng," "Fancy's my daughter, he's forcing her to marry him." "If I refuse him he'll kill all my relatives, I have no choice I have to kill myself." "All you worries are over, just take me back to your home and I'll sort this Lung Chan out for you." "Are you serious?" "Of course I am, now let's be on our way I have a plan." "Here she comes, Here comes the bride, doesn't she look lovely." "Come on, come along now, don't trip over your dress." "Greetings Father in law, Mother in law." "Bow to the gods, kneel down." "What are we going to do now?" " Quickly get up." "Careful your dress." "Watch out, careful." "Take it off over there." "Not your pants." "Bow to each other." "Go to the bridal chamber." "Bridal chamber?" "Quick off to the chamber." "Please don't go in, you must not disturb Master Lung on his wedding night leave them to it, let's have a game of mah jong." "Good idea." "My darling." " Hold it, hold it, stop that will you." "What's wrong?" " l forgot to put out the light," "She prefers it when it's dark." "But I want to have a clear look at her, if you put out the light I can't see her." "Master Lung, my mistress is afraid of the light." "Afraid, but why?" "She doesn't like sunlight, moonlight, or candlelight." "I had no idea about all that." "Suppose. suppose, I don't put out the light, what do you think might happen?" "That would be bad, if you had a son he'd have no asshole." "He'd have no asshole?" "Yes." "How can that be?" "I don't want that to happen." "Go on then blow it out, blow it, blow." "That's in order, you can be on your way now, go on off with you, beat it." "My darling." "My lovely goddess." " My lover boy." "My dear, why are you so heavy?" "I'm from a rich family, they gave me so much gold to wear." "That's alright by me, all the more for me to spend." "Wait, come here, get them off." "I'm shy." "You don't have to be so shy." "I want to look at you, you'll get used to me soon enough." "We'll make a very happily married couple, you'll see." "My dear, you do have lovely figure." "I told you not to do that." " Why do you hit me?" "I hit you because I love you." "is that the truth?" " Of course it is." "Then give me a kiss, come on give me one." "Alright." "My dear, why do you smell so horrible?" "I have just eaten some garlic." "Garlic?" "It smells more like athletes foot." "No it's garlic." "I don't like the smell of garlic, so don't eat it again." "Alright I won't ever eat it again." "Our wedding night is supposed to be special but I can't even kiss you." "That's too bad, so I'll just feel you instead." "Get your paws off me you sex maniac." "I found it, what's this...?" "You're biting me, you've bitten me." "Who are you?" " They call me The Bamboo stick." "The Bamboo stick?" "How dare you force yourself on a lady, that's a criminal offence." "Now I shall teach you a good lesson." "Just listen to them." " They're really going for it." "What kind of kung fu is that?" " Mad Monkey." "I used to train Monkeys how to fight." "Are you hurt?" "No, I'll use a different style." "Come on show me then." "Are you sure that is the Monkey style?" "Listen to them go." "They seem to be having fun." "Are you going to strip for me?" "A lucky hand." "What's this then?" "This is for you." "Now get out of here." "Why you..." "Come on let's go." "So you're the famous Bamboo stick, thank you, thank you." "I could do with a stiff drink." " A drink, no problem, go fetch him so wine." "How dare Bamboo stick meddle with me and murder my only son." "I'll make him pay with his life." "Master, where are we going to find him he's vanished and no one knows where." "Where do we start looking?" "What are you thinking, am I supposed to forget he killed my Son." "Of course not, we'll get our revenge and I have got an idea how to do it." "Well what's your plan?" "Old Bamboo stick has a disciple called, Kwan Ren Chih, he's on escort duty now for the government he'll pass this way soon." "All we have to do is ambush him, then Bamboo stick will come after us." "Hurry up men, quickly now." "Move it, quicker." "Oh Mr. Lung, I'm Kwan Ren Chih is there anything I can do for you?" ", your luck has just ran out because today your going to die." "Mr. Lung we don't know each other, we have no quarrel, so why do you want to kill me?" "Because you are the disciple of old Bamboo stick." "My Master Bamboo stick has long retired, so there shouldn't be any grief between you." "Because he murdered my son and you're going to pay." "Get him!" "Right, charge!" "Run for it." "Right." "Master, quick open it." "What a stoke of luck, it's a Government treasure, the famous Jade rings." "Now that we have got hold of it, the Government will want to punish Kwan." "When they do, Bamboo stick is bound to show up to save his disciple." "Good idea, and when he shows up I'll kill him." "$500 reward for Kwan Ren Chih?" "Have you seen him?" "Hold it right there." "We're looking for a fugitive, come on check them." "Let's see what you've got." "Move it, hands up." "Hands up." "Both of them." "Hands up" " You." "I'm sorry officer, I must have eaten too much." "Yeah so I see." "Hold it." "Beggars like you get to travel all over if you should run in to him, let me know and I'll split the reward with you, understand?" "Oh yes Officer, of course." "My money, I've lost my money, who could've taken it, which swine took it" "All my money is gone. who took it." "Did you say you lost your money?" "Yes, I only just put it in here, but when I looked it was gone." "I think I know who stole it." "Who took it?" "No doubt about it, it must be him." "So your the thief, give me my money back, come on." "What's wrong?" "No use pretending, I know you're the thief." "You should be ashamed of yourself, this man had to work hard for that." "A man like me a thief, you must be joking." "If it wasn't you then who could it be?" "Only the good Lord knows and the thief of course." "Out of the way." "What do you want?" "Let's see how you deal with this." "Hey Don't hit me." "Bastard." "He hit me." "My friend, you say he is the thief do you have any proof?" "I don't need any proof, I know he did it." "You stole the money." "You stole it, your an evil bastard." "You're the thief." "You rotten lowlife, you stole it and then you blame others what can you do, you're not the law." "l'll show you." "You watch out I can defend...." "What are you going to do?" "l'm going to knock out your front teeth." "My teeth?" "Why...yo..yo..you bastard you've gone and broken my teeth." "Come on, come on." "You'll pay for that." "Now get lost." "You bastard if you were a real man you'd fight fair." "My friend you were great, what kind of kung fu was that?" "My own barrow pushing style, I've been pushing for ten years or so." "He looked to good to be true, I guessed he was a conman." "Thanks for helping me, if it wasn't for you I'd have ended up in jail." "It was nothing, you're welcome, we should always help one another, right?" "Right." "Miss. come on." "Okay, stop right here." "Okay." "Thanks a lot." "Thank you." "Look this should be enough for us to go get a drink." "Let's go." "Right." "Help!" "You come along with me." "No stop it." "Come on now." "Stop it, stop!" "You bitch, you think you can escape from me." "Let go of me." "Leave her alone, what kind of man are you attacking a girl all on her own." "Stay out of this barrow boy or else I'll batter the pair of you." "My friend, you show him, use your barrow kung fu." "So you think you can beat me do you?" "So you really mean it?" "What's happened to your special kung fu?" "I thought you said you were a fighter?" "It's not working." "Go on get stuck in." "If master Bamboo stick was here I know he'd help me" "Then I could get back the Jade ring treasure." "He's dangerous." "Don't be scared he's nothing" "Don't fight him, don't fight him." "My you aint no fighter, I might hit you by mistake, now get lost." "I've got it." "You filthy beggars." "No please don't, don't." "Don't hit me." "I'm just the referee, I'm not involved." "Stop the fighting, stop it." "You were great." "He can't fight back, hit him all you want." "Oh really, okay." "Let's get out of here." "Come on let's split." "Good job." "Fantastic." "Hurry it up will you." "Master I'm hurrying." "What's wrong with you, you've already eaten 8 times today." "I don't know why, but I am always hungry when I'm happy." "Master since we aren't paying for the food it's a pity to waste it." "Well there's another restaurant over there we'll go in there for a meal." "Good idea." "Waiter, over here." " Yes coming." "Well here we are." "Good let's go in." "Hey, over here." "Mr. sit down." "What would you like?" "A roast chicken, boiled chicken, fried chicken, cold chicken, salt chicken." "And one spring chicken." "Could I ask you why you both like chicken so much?" "My Master has got tired of other food, he only eats chicken now." "That gentleman only likes chicken." "Right." "Fried chicken, roast chicken, boiled chicken" "Coming up." "Do you think our chicken tastes good sir?" "Very good indeed." "The bill." "That comes to five dollars." "Very fair price." "My Master never has to pay for any of his meals he always gets credit" "Not here he doesn't, we don't give credit, strictly cash only." "Oh my god, we are in trouble this time." "Don't worry, just watch this." "Boss, do you happen to know who my master is?" "I don't care who your master is." "You are an ignorant fella, my Master is the famous hero Bamboo stick" "Where ever he goes everyone always gives him free meals." "So your the famous hero Bamboo stick." "That I am." "You look like a bit of wood, I don't care who you are I just want what's owed me, now pay up, no money, no food." "Come, watch him." "Yes boss." "It's all your fault, how can we pay him when we don't even have a cent." "We never had to pay anywhere else before, how was I to know this would happen." "You go and talk to him now." "What are you doing?" "My stomach hurts, wait for me here." "No wait for me, wait...." "Boss, I going to the toilet, my master will wait here, I'll be right back" "You better be quick." "He's left me in it." "Where's the Boss, I want service." "Yes sir, what do you want?" "The best chicken and fish you have and your best wine." "You heard the man, the best in the house." "Yes." "Here you are." "This is piss water, call this wine, get me some proper wine now." "Yes" "This is utter filth." "Hey you haven't paid yet." "Right men, get him." "You want a taste of my fury." "Go on beat him." "Watch out." "Why you." "So you refuse to pay, then beat them up." "I can do what I want, who the hell are you?" "I'm the Bamboo stick, who might you be?" "I'm the One eyed Tiger." "Well you've met your match, I'll teach you a lesson." "Listen to me you wretch, your bulling days are over." "Good, batter the bastard." "I'll give you a reward." "I give up, I give up, I quit." "That'll teach you not to pay bills." "Do you promise not to bully people?" "l promise." "Do you swear not to cause anymore grief?" "l swear it." "Out, get out!" "Alright I'm going." "You really gave him what for." "Hero, please accept my apologies." "Don't mention it, I expect it it's all in a days work for a hero." "Please Hero, have a drink on the house." "No thanks, I'll wait for my student then we'll be on our way." "Well alright then." "Here he comes." "That feels much better, well boss how much is the bill?" "Oh. no, no, no, I insist my treat." "We'll pay cash, got it right here." "Student, where did you get that cash?" "It's not money, it's old iron." "Boss, if you insist we'd best be going." "Yes, thanks for the meal." "Thank you Hero sir, do drop in if you pass by again." "Thank you very much." "See you." "Good bye." "Bye bye." "Look, it's Sensei Koji." "Sensei Koji." "What are you men talking about?" "He said he just saw Bamboo stick, said he was invincible." "So they are saying Bamboo stick's kung fu is the best?" "Then I want to fight him." "You know where he is?" "l've got no idea Sensei, maybe he knows." "Where is he?" "Speak up." "O..." "O.." "Over there." "Here he comes." "Don't tell me you want another meal." "Hey where are you off to?" "That guy over there looks like a troublemaker, let's go." "You're the Bamboo stick hero you can't runaway." "Who says so?" "I'll be here to back you up, don't be scared." "I'm not scared, student, come with me." "Hey Japanese man, do you know who this guy is?" "I don't give a damn who he is, what's your name?" "I'm the hero Bamboo stick, who are you?" "I am Sensei of the Judo Kwan, Kenji futan." "Kenji futan?" "That's right, I want to challenge you." "Challenge me?" "forget it I am much too good" "Fighting is serious business you might end up getting badly injured." "What, you talk nonsense, no get this you will fight with me lf you should loose you crawl away and if I should loose, you can have my school and I'll leave forever." "The Bamboo stick has met his match this time, he's not going to win this fight." "Rubbish, the Bamboo stick will win." "Nonsense, Sensei will wipe the floor with him." "Put your money where your mouth is." "Good idea." "Got no cash, what can I bet instead?" "So you've no money, what about your clothes?" "Alright my clothes, agreed?" "Whoever looses takes off his clothes." "Do you mean it?" "Of course I do." "Then it's a deal, no regrets." "Come on get them off." "Here." "You're fantastic." "He's no good he deserves what's coming to him." "Give them back, it's yuor turn now, you stick to the deal, take them off." "Come on, that's right take them off." "Take them all off." "I'm gonna finish you now." "I'm going to celebrate my victory as this school belongs to me now." "Come on take them all off, strip off, hurry take them all off." "and the hat, don't forget the hat." "Come on let's go." "Yes right." "Morning teacher." "Students, today I will teach you all the basic moves of kung fu." "This student here will practice with me in order to show how good I am." "Yes." "Don't make them laugh." "Don't worry." "come on." "You're doing it for real." "I told you not to make them laugh have you forgotten?" "I haven't, I was just letting you show off your wicked technique." "I never miss the target, but you keep moving, how am I meant to hit you?" "So you want to hit me?" "Of course, how can I be your master if I don't." "Why if you say so, that's easy." "Fantastic, brilliant, that's great." "Stop it, you're hurting me." "Bear it, this is the final blow." "Great, well done master." "Alright, alright." "Right, you lot can practice with him, I'm going out for some tea." "Hold on a sec, there." "What's so funny, practice." "Hey, are you Bamboo stick?" "Right, what's up?" "I hear you struck it rich, but you don't look all that." "What are you getting at?" "We want to challenge you and teach you a lesson." "Get him." "My poor nose." "You're for real." "He hit me." "Beat him." "Beat the Bamboo stick." "Look there's Bamboo stick." "Bamboo stick, don't run I want to fight you." "Don't ask why, just go quick." "What a mess." "Master, not so fast, wait for me." "Master, no one is chasing us, so why are we running?" "Never thought being a Hero would be so tough" "Either I'm beating people up or I'm getting battered." "What's the point of all this?" "Master, look." "Someone's coming." "These two look wealthy." "Good we're skint, could be an easy meal ticket" "Your Hero days are over." "No need to call me Master anymore." "Freeze, one false move and you're dead." "I have been looking for you high and low, We're rich boys, Sergeant arrest him." "Don't bother." "Thanks for saving me." "You are my mate, I should help you." "Why do they want to arrest you?" "A mistake." "Look an old squat." "Master, come and have some chicken." "I just told you to stop calling me Master you must remember that, it annoys me." "Alright, but it's difficult to change a habit." "Eat up Master." "Stop it." "What you looking at?" "It's strange, but you look familiar to me." "Me.." "You look like that One eyed Tiger bloke and that fugitive wanted by the Law." "Tell me why the army were after you?" "Now I get it, I reckon you must be the wanted Kwan Ren Chih." "I can still recognize you even with that ridiculous beard" "You're not fooling me at all." "Then. I..." "Don't be afraid, we're friends I won't betray you." "Since we're like brothers, tell me about yourself, I'd like to know." "I was the commander of an Escort working for the Government we were shipping some treasures up north, on the way we were ambushed," "Master Lung stole the Jade rings and the Government held me responsible." "Really, come on let's go." "Where are we going to?" "To get back the Jade ring of course." "That won't be so easy, I have already scouted out Lung's house, he has the place surrounded by gurds, we can't even get close." "So, what should we do?" "The only way is to use a trick." "A trick." "Miss, what are you doing here?" "Sorry to trouble, but this wouldn't happen to be Mr. Lung's house, would it?" "Yes, who are you looking for?" "I want to see Ah Chung." "Ah Chung?" "Which Ah Chung is that?" "Ah Chung is my fiancée." "What's that, an intruder?" "That's right, the devious swine has dressed himself up to look like a girl." "He's not fooling me though, I know girls and there is no way he can pass a one." "Do you have any idea who he is?" "I am sure he must've been sent by Bamboo stick to get the Jade ring back." "How dare he try a trick like that." "If he does try it on, I'll be waiting for him." "He wont get away with it." "Right, the only reason we stole the Jade ring was to use it as lure to draw out Bamboo stick, if you kill this guy, we wont be able to get revenge." "You do have a point." "So what do you suggest?" "We will set a trap for him, tonight we'll put on a little show for him" "What kind of show?" "We'll have a bit of fun." "Good, bring me in the Jade ring." "Look at it what a classic, a true masterpiece." "Master, since the Jade ring is so precious don't you think it should be better hidden." "Don't worry only you and I know that it's in this house." "So it's perfectly safe with me." "Now I know about it too." "Since you're in such a good mood may I send in a girl to serve you?" "A girl, Good idea, send her in." "Hello Master Lung." "Who are you?" "I am Ah Lan, I was sent here to see if there is anything you want." "So your name is Ah Lan." "Right." "What a lovely house you have here." "Master Lung, you rich men put us to shame you sure know how to enjoy life." "My dear Master Lung." "You have a lovely body." "Master Lung you old flatterer." "Come and have a drink with me." "There's no wine left, I'll go get some more." "Master Lung, drink up" "Alright." "Together, together." "Yes." "Cheers." "Master ,Master, are you drunk or something?" "Master, Master.." "You old bastard, I have fooled you, you stole from my and now he's wanted by the law as a result." "You Swine." "Because of you he's a wanted man." "I'll get even with you." "I'll pull out your bloody moustache." "Jen Chi." "What took you so long, you've been gone ages, I was getting worried." "I was on a mission, I can tell you my trick worked, they totally bought it." "What have you done?" "Take a look at what I've got." "The Jade ring." "Open it, it's fake, they fooled you, they wanted you to lead them to me." "What are we gonna do now?" "We'd better leave here right away." "Trying to make a run for it, it's too late for that now." "Kwan Ren Chih." "You got away from me last time, but this time you wont be so lucky." "Get them." "Brother, this has nothing to do with you get out of here now." "I won't, you're the only I've got, I'm not gonna leave you here I'm gonna fight them too." "No, it's pointless for both of us to die, you run away." "If you two want to die together then that's fine by me." "Iron head." "Jen Chi are you alright?" "I will see you in hell." "Brother, I can deal with him, you make a break for it, go on, run." "You can't beat his iron head, you're no mach for him, run for it." "If you make it, take revenge for me, now run for it." "Jen Chi, I will take revenge for you, I'm not afraid of his iron head." "I'll practice until my head is harder, I wont fail you." "Young man, are you nut's, beating your own skull in like that." "What's the matter with you?" "You wouldn't understand, I'm practicing lron Head to get revenge for my friend." "Who might your be?" "That's him." ""Brave Hero Kwan Ren Chih rest in peace"" "Ren Chih." "I'm gonna keep practicing lron head untill I can kill Lung Yen Feng." "Old man, old man." "Bamboo stick, so you've finally shown up, you took your time, but I've been waiting" "Lung Yen Feng, I retired long ago, I only came because you've gone too far." "You killed my son, my only son, I have waited to kill you to avenge him." "Old man, are you alright?" "Yes I'm fine, let's go, quickly." "My friend, what's the matter?" "So it's you again, you bastard." "Old man, here's some medicine, take it while it's still hot." "You have also been badly hurt, you should have some as well." "I'm still young, my body recovers fast, go on you take it." "Tell you what, we'll share it." "Alright let's share it then." "Drink up." "Master you have it." "You had a hard time today, you need a good long rest." "I can't, I have to practice lron head." "Come back, there's no need to learn that." "But I must learn it or else how am I gonna get revenge for Jen Chi" "But it's useless for you" "What do you mean?" "Watch this, this is you, this is Lung Yen Feng." "You see, if you fight him, that's what is going to happen to you." "You're Slippery Snake style has improved." "Well that's my lot see you." "Good bye" "See you." "Bye." "You're back early today." "Business was good, sold the lot." "Come on inside then." "Yeah, Coming." "So this is where you're both hiding, very nice spot, ideal for hiding." "My friend, you and I have no quarrel I just want Bamboo stick." "Bamboo stick, he is'nt here." "Master you..." "Lung Yen Feng, I knew the day would come when you and I would have to have it out." "Bamboo stick, what a coincidence that you and I should meet again here." "Alright enough talk, now I'm gonna kill you." "Master let me do it." "No, no way, I thought I told you to keep out of my affairs." "Master are you okay?" "Yes I'm fine, you leave me be." "Bamboo stick, you have not fully recovered yet, you're doomed." "Even the pan broke." "Now you see the power of my iron head." "You have improved." "You found out too late." "You want to copy my style, no way." "You'll be a dead snake."