"My name is Virginia and I live on the edge of the forest." "Well, kind of." "My dad's a janitor." "That's how we got to have an apartment on the edge of Central Park." "And you might think that the fact that I still live with my dad is a bit sad and..." "Well, you might be right." "Oh!" "But, I don't know, I'm all he's got really and I'm sort of permanently between boyfriends at the moment." "So, you know." "I'm just a waitress at the grill on the park, but one day, I'm going to find a partner and open a restaurant of my own." "All I need's a good man who's interested in food." " Did you see this?" "Look at this, this has been chewed." "It's not my job." "This is an electrician's job, but who gets to do it?" "Where are you going?" " To work, Dad, like I do every day." " Oh." "On the way back, use the stairs." "Just in case." " Who's there?" " So, where exactly are we going?" " To Beantown, in the southwest corner of your kingdom, sir." "You're accepting the throne that the craftsmen there have made for your coronation." " Well, is it much further?" " Can't we stop and go hunting or something?" " Very shortly, sir." "We must make a brief stop at the Snow White Memorial Prison." " I hate these outer provinces." "The people are so common." " Your stepmother has applied for parole again which we will, of course, turn down." "It's simply a routine courtesy visit." " Stop it!" " You're pathetic." "Call yourselves trolls?" "You make me ashamed." " Sorry Dad." " Sorry, Dad." " It won't happen again." " This is the last time I come and rescue you." " Come on, Dad, take off the magic shoes." " I can handle them." " You know what I'm startin' to think?" "I'm startin' to think that the only kind of people they want in this country are guys like me." "You know, guys who will work for scraps, do six jobs." "Basically, bend over and take it." "Wanna know something, darling?" "10, 15 years tops, this country is finished as a democracy." "I'm telling you, as a caring society, where people do things for each other, we're done, we're finished." "We are out of here." " Your barbecue ribs are on top of the microwave." " Tony, I have been calling this elevator for the last half hour." "I thought you fixed it." " I did, sir, but it's broken again." " Well, don't take all night on it." "You've got to look at that boiler." "It's driving everybody crazy." "There's air in the pipes." "The whole system's got to be drained and bled." " Yes, sir." "I just have to fix the leak in number nine and then I'm right on it." " Tony, I am only going to tell you this once." "There are an awful lot of people out there who would love your job." "An awful lotta people." "Yes, sir." "Drain the system." "I'd like to drain his system." " Bye, Daddy." " Oh, oh, oh, listen." "Don't go through the park, promise?" " Yup." " Have you got a coat?" "You're gonna get cold." "Oh, what did you fix me for dinner?" " Wait." "Come to me." " Well, this is marvelous, isn't it?" "Not exactly the red carpet treatment." " I'm sure they won't have forgotten about our visit, Your Majesty." " Suck an elf." " Oh, you were right." " "Maximum security."" "We're not supposed to be in here." " Dad, no one's ever allowed in there." "This is where they keep the Queen." "Stop." "Dad, this is really bad." " No, Dad, Dad, where are you going?" "Dad, this could be a trap." " Dad, don't." " No!" " Dad!" " Open the door." "Open the door to everything you desire." " Giles?" "Giles?" "Hello?" "Giles." " Hello, princey!" "Did that hurt?" " I'd like you to meet my sister." " Now he's mine." " I get the first shot." " You got the first last time." " I always get the first..." " Enough." "You're a long way from your castle, Wendell." "Perhaps you should have stayed there." "My silly little stepson." " You, you..." "You will pay for this." " On the contrary." "I think that you will beg at my feet for food." "Do you know what this is?" "This is a very special kind of dog." "This is a magical dog." "I hope you like dogs, Wendell." "You're going to spend the rest of your life as one." "Come, come, Prince Wendell." "You don't greet people on all fours, do you?" " Get him." " Stop him, bring him back to me alive." " We'll get him." "He's not going anywhere." " He can't escape." "We're in a prison." " Well, Your Highness." "Just what do you have to say for yourself?" " Where's my tail gone?" " I guess you get to a certain age and you realize that nothing exciting is ever going to happen to you." "And maybe that's just the way it is." "You know, maybe some people just have quiet lives." " Give us some food, say." "I haven't had any food since yesterday." " Let us out." "Come on, just give us the key." "Let us out." " You." " Hello." " What are you?" " Me?" "A very, very fine chap, falsely impris..." " Do not make me ask again." " I'm a..." "Shh..." "Half-wolf." " If I give you your freedom, you must agree to serve me without question." " Oh, breakfast, lunch, dinner." "I am your wolf." ""Loyalty" is my middle name." " I've turned Prince Wendell into a dog." " Good idea." " Find him before the trolls." " Oh, trolls." " Wait." "Give your will to me." "Be mine to summon and control." "Do you understand?" " Yeah." " Come on." " Huff, puff." "What's going on here?" " Wow." " Suck an elf." "Where are we?" " Wow, get a look at that." " This isn't part of the nine kingdoms." "This is a magical place." "Look at all those lights." " They must go through a ton of candles." " Maybe we should claim this kingdom." " That's a sensational idea." "Let's grab it before someone else does." " I hereby claim this land and all its inhabitants in the name of the Troll Nation." "Henceforth, it shall be known as..." "What shall we call it?" " The 10th Kingdom." " Ah." " The 10th Kingdom!" " In a month, I will have crushed the House of White." "I will have Wendell's castle and his kingdom and for helping me to escape you may have half his kingdom to rule." " Half the fourth kingdom, but it's huge." "What's your plan?" "What do I have to do?" " Simply allow me the use of your children until they've captured the Prince for me." " That's all?" " Tell no one what you've seen, of course." " Do I get to choose which half of the kingdom I want?" " Oh my god, I've killed it." "Are you okay?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "Where's your master?" "How come you don't have a collar?" "Come on, let's get out of here." " Ah..." " Hello." " Oh, my wallet." " Look at this." "It's not even leather." "Are there any other shoes in here?" " What's this?" " More magic." " No." "Virginia, just leave." "Go." " There." "There's been an incident." " Aha!" "Lookie look." " Dog hairs." " Ah, calfskin." "Nicey nice." " Squeaky clean." " "If found, please return to Virginia Lewis," ""apartment 2006, number two," ""East Eighty-Onest Street."" " "Eighty-Onest Street?"" " Yeah, that's what it says, "eighty-onest."" " How 'bout this way?" " Come on, let's go!" " Come on, let's go." " Meat." " Hi." " Oh, and where have you been, huh?" "I've been covering for you." " Thank you." " Your head, you're bleeding." " I smashed my bike and I lost my wallet and I've picked up a new boyfriend." " Oh..." "Well, hello." " I hit him with my bike, but I don't think he's hurt." "I mean, he's not bleeding or anything." " What's his name?" " I don't know, he doesn't have a collar." " Uh huh, come on, let's see, huh?" "You look like a prince to me, huh?" "Yes." " Hello, Prince." " Hello, hello." " Oh..." "Tasty." "Remember what you came here for." "Find the Prince, find the Prince." "But huff puff." "A wolf's got to eat, hasn't he?" "Can't work on an empty stomach." "I smell dog!" "Would you believe it?" "Work and pleasure combined." " All right, you can stay in here and I'll come back when I can and check on you." "Don't make a noise or you'll get me the sack." "Shh." "Quiet or I'll put you outside." " So, the specials are lamb..." " Lamb?" "New season's lamb, I hope." "Young and juicy and frolicking provocatively in the fields, bouncing up and down with soft, fluffy wool." "Stop it." "Pull yourself together." "Some shepherdess not really paying attention to the flock, probably asleep, if I know little girls." "Well, I'm not gonna eat her." "Not if there's a lamb filet or a nice fat rack of chops." "I'm not greedy." "Well, I am greedy." "I don't know why I just said that." "I have a substantial appetite." "Born to gorge." "That's me." " Suck an elf." "All right." "Our carriage is here." " Okay." " No, no!" " Sir, what can I get you?" " Rare implies dangerously cooked." "When I say, "rare," I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me." "No fries, no vegetables." "Just meat." "Red..." "As a young girl's first blush." " Oh, I'm sorry." "I missed that." " I'll have a jug of margarita, a diet cola, and two beers, okay?" "And my wife will have..." " I'm sorry, I'll be right back." " A double, big..." " Cold plates." " All right, that's it, I'm taking you outside." "Okay, Candy, very funny." "You can come out." "I suppose you wrote that, eh?" "Bark once." "Okay, bark twice." " Okay, so, you got the lamb special and six glasses of warm milk." " Yeah." "Oh, oh, oh, oh." " Uh huh?" " I almost forgot." "Uh, I'm looking for this lovely lady who found my doggie." " Oh, so, it's yours." "Oh." "I'll tell Virginia." "She's out back." " Can you understand everything I'm saying?" "Stop it!" "Well, who's in danger?" "Both of us?" "Whoa." "Just wait a minute." " Oh, you can't come in here." " Oh." " Um..." "She must've gone home, you know?" "Maybe she hurt herself when she fell." " Oh, poor little sausage." "Why don't you tell me where she lives?" "That way I can thank her." " Oh, Well, I..." "I can't tell you where she lives." "You know, um, I don't know who you are." " Oh..." "Oh." "You can tell me." " This is my stop." "You gotta go now." "Okay, you can just stay one night and then you're on your own." "Do you understand?" "I've gone crazy." "How can I be talking to a dog?" "Yes, I have." "Don't try and reassure me." "That's Mrs. Graves from next door." "And her husband, and their son Eric." "What's happened to them?" "Wait here." "Shh, Wait." "I'm gonna go see if Dad's all right." "Dad." "Dad, wake up." " What do you think?" "Look." "Here they are." "Soft cow." "Nicey nice." " Walk the catwalk." " Hello there, girlie." "These shoes." "They've been very badly cared for." "They're, they're scuffed, and cracked and neglected." " You have nice shoes and so tiny." " We have hundreds of pairs at home." " So we know what we're talking about." " Who are you and what have you done to my dad?" " Aw, he's just sleeping." "Hit him with a bit of troll dust, that's all." " Troll dust?" " I am Burly the troll, feared throughout the nine kingdoms." " I am Blabberwort the troll, dreaded throughout the nine kingdoms." " And I am Bluebell the troll, terrified throughout the nine kingdoms." " So, where is he?" " I don't know what you're talking about." " Prince Wendell." " Who?" " The dog." " We are going to count to three and then we are going to make you into a pair of shoes." " One, I'll cut the shoes." " Two, I will shape the shoes." " Three, I will stick..." " All right, all right!" "I'll tell you where he is." "He's here." "He's just, uh, outside." " Show us." "Take us to him." " Go through the door." " Be careful." " Shut up, Bluebell." "Where is he?" " He's hiding, uh..." "Behind those doors." " That room was not there a moment ago." "You are crafty." " There's no one in here!" " Oh, yes, he's here." "I'm, I'm just gonna operate the secret door and show you where he's hiding." " No!" "It's a trick." " Open this door!" " Suck an elf." "Open up." " All right, come on." "Let's get out of here." "Dad'll be all right." "I think it's you they're after." " Oh, whatever it is, go away." " Good evening." "Trolls have been to visit you first, I see." "No matter." "Tonight and tonight only, I am authorized to make you a unique offer." "Namely, the end to all your personal and financial problems." " Hey, hey, just hold it a second right there." "You take another step, I'm gonna call the cops." "It's private property." " Under the terms of this policy" "I am, in exchange for information as to the whereabouts of your daughter, able to offer you this magic bean which, once eaten, will give you six glorious wishes." "Is this her?" "This can't be her." " What do you mean?" " Oh, she's succulent!" "What a dreamy, creamy girl!" "Tasty, or what?" " I've been thinking back over the years and I feel this is quite the worst spell we have ever been put under." " We've had some stinkers but nothing like this." "She's a powerful little witch, that one." " I think we might be in her pocket." " Hmm?" " What?" " I think she might have shrunk us and put us in a matchbox in her pocket." " That's ridiculous." "You're falling to pieces." "Get a grip on yourself." "How can we be in a matchbox, you idiot?" "Where are all the matches?" " What the hell's it doing?" " Six big wishes." "Imagine having anything you desire." "And from the look of your modest surroundings" "I'm sure there are many things that you'd love to change." " I, oh..." "Well, you know, I would..." "Uh, just get the hell out of my apartment, all right?" "Well..." "This is a joke, right?" " No, no." "It's a standard multiple-wishes deal, six wishes, no going back on wishes once made, no making five wishes and wishing for another thousand." "Now, come on, is that a fair deal or what?" "Now..." "Where is your lovely daughter?" " What do you want her for?" " Simply to reclaim my little doggy which she found earlier." " Dog?" " There's even a reward involved which I intend to give her personally." " If she's not at work she'll be at my mother-in-law's." " Ooh." " She's always trying to turn Virginia against me." " Does this mother-in-law like, uh, flowers?" " She likes money." "That's the only thing that impresses her." " Address, please." "It's been a pleasure." " Wait, hold on a second." "How long does this take to work?" " Oh, don't worry, the first three hours are the worst." " Anything I want, huh?" "Ooh..." "Okay." "All right, for my first wish..." "For my f..." "For my f..." " Hello?" " Who is it?" " It's only me, Grandma." "Hi." " For a moment there I thought it was your mother." " Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you." "Would you mind if I stayed the night tonight?" " You know, she'll come back one day." "She'll just swan in without a word." "You don't think she could be in Aspen, do you?" "She always loved the snow." " Well..." "I think she would have come back by now." "I don't know, 14 years is a long time for apres-ski." " Don't be cheap, dear." "God, what's that?" " This is a stray I picked up today." " Well, just keep him away from Roland." "He's probably got fleas." " Aw, you don't have fleas." "Do you have fleas?" "No, shh, shh." "Thanks." " You know, you could still be something in society, Virginia." "I have connections, you know." "Your mother's debut at the Ritz Carlton was, ah." "A coronation." "At 19 she could have had any bachelor in the whole of New York." "And what does she end up with?" " Dad." " Dad." "Don't throw away your life the way she did, Virginia." "I can see the whole thing happening all over again." "You're a waitress, for god's sakes." "Who are you going to meet?" "Some eligible short-order cook?" " No." " Oh, so, of course you never fixed the pipes like you promised." "That I've come to expect." "But this!" " I can, um, this..." "I can explain all of this, and I'm going to." "I'll get on it right away, Mr. Murray." " No." ""I'm gonna get on it" is not good enough." "I want you and your daughter out of this apartment today." "You're fired!" " Fire, fired?" "No, please, Mr. Murray..." " What, you big jerk?" " I wish you and your entire family would kiss my ass and be my slaves forever." " What did you just say?" "Oh, Master." " How long do you think this spell will last?" " It can't last long." " 100 years?" " At most." "Maybe only 50." " We'll just have to make the most of our imprisonment." "And agree not to eat each other." " Absolutely, absolutely." "We'll do the hundred years and maybe if we're lucky we'll only have to do two-thirds of the spell and get out early." " Oh." "I, there must be some mistake." "I do apologize." "I was looking for Virginia's grandmother." " I am she." " That cannot be." "Her young sister, perhaps." "Her mother perhaps." "But her grandmother?" "Pah!" "You are a dazzling beauty." " Oh." "Well, I, I don't have my makeup on or anything yet." " May I come in?" "I have flowers." " Yeah, but who are you?" "I am Virginia's suitor." "Her betrothed." "Betrothed?" "She didn't say anything about a fiance." " How like her, how modest." "Most girls would brag and boast about dating the heir to an enormous fortune, but not Virginia." " Oh, well, do come in." "I'll, I'll just go and get dressed." " Of course." "Get dressed." " Okay, Wish Master." "Give me a never-ending supply of beer." "Two?" "You call that a wild night where you come from?" "Oh." "Hey, oh, Murray, Murray!" "Murray, you got to see this." "The refrigerator, it just keeps go..." "What are you doing?" " I'm worried that they're not clean enough, Master." "Shall I lick your shoes again?" " Let me see your tongue." "All right, five more minutes." "How is your mother coming with that door?" " Oh, uh, almost done now, Master." " Just hurry..." "No, stop, no, no." "Once was enough." "Here, open this." "What shall I wish for next?" "I wish..." "I wish I had something that would clean this apartment all by itself, and I would never have to lift a finger." " Oh, here we go." "Here we go, clean, clean, clean clean, clean..." " Clean." " Oh, gotta get this cleaned up." "Oh, oh, look here." "Oh, there's dust all over the floor." "Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up." "Oh, here's some over here." "Here's some more, oh!" " I am so bad." "I can't believe I'm doing this." "Oh, still..." "I suppose you would look better surrounded by potatoes." "Where's the garlic?" "The rosemary?" "Oh, what do I have to work with here?" "Three-year-old dried herbs?" "Oh huff, you're not gonna fit in the oven, are ya?" "Not in one piece, anyway." "Oh, what am I doing?" "I should untie you." "Oh, a poor old lady frightened out of her wits." "I should untie you..." "But first I'll put a dollop of fat in the oven tray." " Grandmother?" " Oh, oh, guests are up." "Breakfast isn't ready." " Grandmother?" " In here, darling." " Grandmother?" " In here, darling." " Good morning." "Do you want some coffee or toast or something?" "What's wrong?" "You got a cold?" "Grandma?" " Surprise!" "Oh, boy." "You're fantastic." "Your picture doesn't do you justice." "Wow!" "Oh, no." "How did this get here?" "No, no, oh no." "Oh, no." "By the way, where is the dog?" "Sleeping in if I know royalty." "Oh, you smell great." "I've had little teasers of your scent before," "Virginia, but in the flesh, ah!" "Perfumes are not for me, no." "I respond favorably to the audacity of a woman who flaunts her own aroma, and you," "Virginia, you smell like Sunday lunch." " You keep away from me." " Oh, beautiful eyes, beautiful teeth." "All the right stuff in all the right places." "No doubt about it, I am in love." "Mmm..." "Let me put your mind at rest." "Now that I've seen you eating you is out of the question." "Not even on the menu." "Oh, now, I know this is going to come out of the blue but how about a date?" "We've started badly but I take all the blame for that." "Oh." "Come on, give us a chance, please." "Ooh!" "Oh, you are one dynamic lady." "There's no question there." " Oh my god." "Grandmother!" " Out of my way, out of my way." "Work, work, work." " No, no, no, no." "Okay, okay, fine." "Thank you, that's enough, go." "Thank you, go do something else." " Mmm..." " What, no, hey, hey, get up, get up, get up." "Listen, you've already kissed me three times today." " Let me kiss you again, Master." " No, go clean something." "You're ridiculous." " Master, oh, wonderful Master." "My wife has a surprise for you." " Oh, really?" "Well, I'll take care of her." "You go get me a beer." " Yes, Master." " It's my husband's Rolex Oyster." "Solid gold." " Are you sure it's not one of those cheap imitations?" " Oh, no, Master." " Whoa, oh!" " I bought it for my husband's 40th birthday but you must have it." "All our possessions are yours now." " Murray, I'm gonna take your wife out and buy her some underwear." " Of course, Master." "Help yourself." " Uh, Master." "I, um, I think there might be someone trapped in the elevator." "I can hear voices and banging." " Yes, well, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm no longer Mr. Fix-It, so why don't you get your rich behind out there and fix it yourself?" " At once, Master." " I think we need some spending money." "Wish Master, how about a million dollars?" "Oh, yes, I'm rich." "I'm rich, I'm rich!" "Say hello to Benny." " Can I help you?" " Oh, I hope so." "I'm very confused." " You must be Paul's referral." "He said you'd drop by to make an appointment." " Can you tell me what I'm doing here?" " Let's get to know each other a bit before we tackle the big questions, okay?" " Yeah, big questions." " Now, I'm going to give you a word and I want you to say the first word that comes into your mind, okay?" " Game, yeah." " Here we go, "home."" " Cooking." " "Coward."" " Chicken." " "Wedding."" " Cake." " "Dead."" " Meat." " "Sexual."" " Appetite." " "Love."" " To eat anything fluffy!" "Sorry, sorry." "More than one word." "Start again." " You know, Murray, this is ridiculous." "No, stop." "Listen, I want everybody out of here except your wife." "I had no idea you had so many relatives." " Of course, Master." " Clean, clean, clean, clean." " You can go." " Be with you in a moment, Murray." "Just got to pucker up to the Master." " Uh, uh, don't pucker." "Hey, hey, cut that out." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hey, hey, what are you doing?" "Stop." " Clean it up, clean it up, clean it up." "Clean it up, clean it up, clean it up." "Clean it up!" " Oh, jeez." "I said..." "Stop!" "Stop, stop!" " Upstairs, move it, move it!" " I can't stop it, Master!" "Thank you, thank you, Master." " All right, just take it." " I'm trying!" "It's not gonna stop, Master." "Master, wait!" " Come on." "Please, just, let's go." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." " Move, move!" " Wait a minute, whoa!" "What's the matter?" " Spread 'em!" " All right, what have I done?" " Bingo, lookit here." "The money from the robbery." " No, hold on a second, no, no, no." "That just appeared in front of my door." "I've been in my apartment all day." "All these people can vouch for me, right?" " Yes, oh Master." " I've been here all day just having a beer with friends." " You know, I think you're still holding back." "What is really troubling you?" " Okay, all right, all right." "Doc, I met this terrific girl and I really, really, really like her but the thing is that..." " Go on, say it." "Say it!" " I'm not sure whether I, I want to love her, or eat her." " Oh, oh." "Of course, I blame my parents." "They were both enormous." "They couldn't stop eating." "Every day I came home from school it was, "eat this, eat that, eat her!"" " You shouldn't punish yourself." " Oh, I should, I should." "I'm bad, I'm so bad." "I've done so many bad things!" "But that wasn't me, you see?" "That was when I was a wolf." "Doc, I wanna change." "I want to be a good person." "Oh, can't the lion cuddle up with the lamb?" "Can't the leopard rub out all its spots?" " This is the exact spot where I found you so this is really where we have to go our separate ways, okay?" "Look, I'm not the adventure type, you know?" "I mean, I'm a waitress." "This just really..." "This isn't my thing." "Whoever these people are who want you, they can have you." "No, I got to go." "Goodbye, I gotta go." " Here is the reading list I strongly recommend now." " Okay." " Why don't you come back and see me next week?" " Oh, but you don't understand." "I won't be here next week." " Uh, uh, uh, uh." "You're not going to intimidate me with suicide." "That's better." " Okay." " If you cooperate and give us the dealer's name, maybe I'll put in a good word for you." " Dealer, what dealer?" "I'm not taking drugs." " Yeah, right." "You don't remember stealing the money because you were under the influence of these magic mushrooms, right?" " Magic mushrooms?" " No, I didn't take..." "Well, I swallowed the bean, but..." " I almost fixed the elevator now, Master." " We will break the spell, trust me." " I trust you." " I trust you more." " No, I trust you more." " Yeah." " I trust her more." " I trust her!" " I always trusted her!" " Suck an elf!" " We're moving." " We're going down." " Is that good or bad?" " We are about to enter the underworld." "Prepare yourselves." " This isn't the underworld, you idiot." "This is where we came in." " Magic, indeed." "How did she do that?" " Ah, suck an elf." " Sheep, sometimes I like sheep." "Ooh!" "Excuse me, I need everything on this list and anything else you might think is useful, please, Miss?" "Thank you very much." "And if my plan is successful I will certainly invite you to the wedding." "That's mine, that's mine, too." " Hey, hey, couldn't we come to some kind of deal?" "You know what?" "I can give you anything you wanted." "Anything whatever, I'm serious." "A house in the Hamptons, boats, cars, women." "Whatever you want." "It won't make it any better trying to bribe us." " Well, what have I got to lose?" "I wish I could escape from this police car right now." " Wes, the brakes are failing." " No!" " "How to Marry the Girl of Your Dreams."" "That's exactly what I'm looking for." " Oh, my god." " Stupid idiot." "Stop that man right now!" "He's getting away." " Hey, pal." " Thank you, thank you." " No, wait, you haven't paid for those!" " Look, I cannot take you back to where you came from because I don't know where you came from." "No, look, this really is it, okay?" "Good luck." " I didn't do it!" " Dad?" " Ah, Virginia." " Dad!" " You won't believe what's happened to me." " Don't bet on it." " Come on." " Fan out, you guys, fan out!" " Is that the dog that guy wants?" "Why don't you just give it to him?" " Dad, I don't think he is a dog." "He's trying to say something, talk to me or something, but I can't understand what he's saying." " Trying to talk?" " Yeah, I don't know." " All right, you watch this." "I wish that I could understand everything this dog is saying." " What?" " You're in terrible danger." "Both of you." " It worked, it worked." " If you value your life, you have to do exactly as I say." " Listen, shh, what?" " We have to find the way back." " He's talking, he's talking, can't you hear him?" " No." " Keep alert." " Come here." " What?" " Why are all these cops after you?" "And why are you wearing handcuffs?" " They think I did a bank job." " What?" " I'll explain later." " Would you two stop rabbiting and help me find the mirror?" "Now, it's a mirror but it may not look like a mirror from the other side." "You have to look very, very carefully." " We're looking for a magic mirror." " Yeah, of course we are." " Just look for a piece of forest that doesn't fit." "I'm sure this is where..." "Look." "There it is." " That's weird." " There they are!" " If you value your lives, follow me." " Uh, uh, come on." "Where the hell are we?" " I don't know but I'm pretty sure it's not Central Park." " Follow me." " The dog said follow him." " Hurry up." " What happened to everybody?" " Well, the same thing that happened to you, old chap." "Troll dust." " It looks like it's starting to wear off." " Is that dog talking again?" " Come on, come on." " So, what shall we do when we have our own kingdom?" " Ah, I know, I know." "We'll have servants, thousands and thousands of servants to polish our shoes." " Dad, let's go home." " No, I can't go back yet." "Police are all over Central Park looking for me." " Well, we can't stay here." " Shh, I can smell the trolls." " He says he can smell trolls." " We'll have footwear parties where you have to change shoes six times an hour." " And anyone found having dirty shoes will have their face sewn up." " Come along, then, follow me." " Whoa, no, hold on a second." "I'm not going to follow you." "Where are we?" " Ugh." "We're in the southernmost part of my kingdom, where I was attacked by my stepmother and turned into a dog." "This is the Snow White Memorial" "Prison, housing the most dangerous criminals in all the nine kingdoms." " All right, back up, the nine what?" " Kingdoms." "I am Prince Wendell, grandson of the late Snow White and soon-to-be-crowned king of the fourth kingdom." "And who might you be?" " I'm Tony Lewis, janitor." "I think you already know my daughter Virginia." " The "Troll Kingdom."" ""Red Riding Hood Forest," wow." " Wait, hold on a second." "So what is this?" "It's Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty fairy tale stuff?" " Well, the golden age was almost 200 years ago when the ladies you refer to had their great moments in history." "Things have gone downhill a bit since then." ""Happy ever after" didn't last as long as we'd hoped." "All the rulers of the other kingdoms are due to attend my coronation." "Some will have to travel great distances." "The kingdoms are vast." "No one crosses the borders except on special occasions." " Who was the stepmother who turned you into a dog?" " She is the most dangerous and evil woman alive." " Sounds like my mother-in-law." " Look, we can't sit around talking all day." "We must find my stepmother's cell." "This way." " Virginia, he said follow him." "Come on, come on." " Look." "There's a dog bowl down here." "That's the dog that's got my body." "Oh, it's outrageous." "What did she do, this woman?" "She poisoned my mother and father." "Tried to kill me, as well." " Basically, poisoned his mom and dad and tried to kill him, too." "Virginia, are you all right?" "I, I feel weird being in here." "You okay?" "Yeah, I'm just going to wait outside for a minute." " Trolls have been here." " Okay, just don't go too far, okay?" "Stay outside the door." "Virginia!" "Prince, Prince, Prince." " I wasn't scared." "It's just that people mustn't see me as a dog, Antony." "It's deeply, deeply embarrassing." " I could care less about you being a dog." "Virginia, Virginia!" " Where are they?" "I never should have trusted trolls to do anything." " Be careful what you say." "I'm the only reason you got out of prison in the first place." " Of course, Your Majesty, and for that" "I'm eternally grateful but I can't stay here any longer." "No one must see the Prince like this." "Have your children bring the dog to me when they return." " I am not your lackey." "I am Relish, the Troll King." "You will do well to remember it." " Of course, Your Majesty." "And I will reward you handsomely with half of Wendell's kingdom as I promised." " Just exactly when do I get it?" " Soon." "But now I must go." "I have stayed too long already." "Oh, get in the carriage." " Where are you going?" "There's nowhere you can hide." "When they find out you've escaped there will be roadblocks everywhere." "They'll search every house and carriage in the kingdom." " Not every carriage." " Shouldn't we go back for the dog?" " No, we can't." "The troll dust will be wearing off." "Wait a minute, do you hear that?" "They're all waking up." "Let's get out of here." " Oh, the Queen will be very angry." " Aw, the Queen can suck an elf for all I care." "We've captured the witch from the 10th kingdom." "Let's go tell Dad." " But what about the witch's father?" "Perhaps he's a great warlock." " Oh, he's handcuffed." " A great idiot, more likely." " I wish I could be there when the governor finds him in the Queen's cell." " What are you doing?" "I can't fight." " It was some kind of spell." "Me and the lads been laid up for over a day." "I've searched every inch of the prison but the Queen's gone, sir." " I have been the governor of this prison for 12 years." "No prisoner has ever escaped before." " That's a very impressive record." " Whatever you do, Antony, don't tell him I'm a dog." " Why not?" " Speak when you're spoken to." " Because the Queen has got some terrible plan." "My whole kingdom may be in jeopardy." "No one must know I'm helpless." " All right." "Where is the Queen?" "I wish I was home." "I wish Virginia and I were back in our apartment in New York now." " Well, it seems you're not." " Oh, no, Antony." "You didn't swallow a dragon dung bean, you moron." " I guess that means I've had all my wishes, huh?" " How did the Queen escape?" " I'm telling you, I have no idea." " Then why were you found locked in her empty cell?" " I am an innocent victim." "I have never been in trouble with the police my entire life." " Then why are you wearing handcuffs?" " Well, because I'm wanted for armed robbery which I didn't have anything to do with either." " Oh, carry on, Antony." "You're doing spectacularly well so far." " Look, look, I'm from a different dimension." "I came here from a different dimension led by that dog, who is actually Prince Wendell." " Oh, I told you not to say that." " Prince Wendell?" "Look, I can make you break rocks with your teeth for 100 years." " I'm telling you, it's the truth." " That is the Queen's dog." "She has been permitted to keep him in her cell for three years." "Don't insult my intelligence." " I'm not, I'm telling you, it's the tru..." "All right, fine, I'll prove it." "Bark once if I'm telling the truth." " I have no intention of barking, Antony." " He is being just stubborn." "Listen, you have to let me go immediately." "I think my daughter was abducted by trolls." " That's enough." "I'll get the truth out of you soon enough." "Warder, remove his handcuffs." "Issue him with prison uniform and put him in, uh, yes, put him in 103 with Acorn the dwarf and Clay Face the goblin." " Clay Face the goblin?" "I don't want to be put in any room with Clay Face..." "No!" "Where's my daughter?" " What about the Queen's dog, sir?" " Get the furnace going." "I'll slip some rat poison in his dinner tonight, and we'll chuck him in the incinerator tomorrow." " Did you hear that?" "Antony, did you hear that?" "You have to get me out." "It's your duty." " Get her in the boat." "Get her in there." " Hey, that's my boat." " It's ours now." "Now, let's get out of here." "Sit down and steer." " Middle bunk." " So, what are you in for?" " Um, actually, a pretty serious bank robbery." "Couple of people got hurt but that's the way it goes." "And you?" " Aggravated assault." "I'm very easily aggravated." "I'm Acorn." "Got any metal on ya?" "Knives, forks?" "Coat hangers?" " Sorry." " If you get stabbed..." "Save the knife for me, won't you?" " Of course." " Do you like carving?" " Well, not flesh or anything." " Look what I'm doing." " Ah." "You've got real talent." " My name's Clay Face, the goblin." " Tony." "What are you in for?" " Carving." "Will you be my friend?" " What exactly does that entail?" " Row!" "When we're home," "I'm going to let you have it." " Keep rowing." " I'm rowing." " Any minute now." "I'm sure Prince Wendell will arrive to receive the coronation throne which our craftsmen have tirelessly spent the last two years making." " He's not coming, is he?" " Of course he is." "Have no worry." "I'm sure he's been delayed for a very good reason." " Horrible news." "There's been a breakout from the prison." "The Queen has escaped." " The Queen?" " The Queen." " Put up the roadblocks." "She must be caught or we're doomed." " Oh, hey, wonderful news!" "Wonderful news." "Prince Wendell is coming." " Thank goodness." "He'll know what to do." "Welcome to Beantown, Your Majesty." " Psst, Antony." "Over here." "Behind the governor's door." " How did you know it was me?" " You have a distinctive unwashed smell." "What are you doing?" " I'm scrubbing the floor." "What do you think I'm doing?" " Have you got a soap bar?" " Well, yes." "What, do you want me to wash you?" " No, just stay there." "Don't go away." " Prince..." " This is the governor's master key." "Make an impression in the soap." "He'll be back any moment." " Here." "Very stubborn stain, sir." " I think she's waking up." "Good morning." " Get someone over here." " We promise to serve Prince Wendell, kind and brave monarch of The Fourth Kingdom, and pledge to mend our naughty ways so that we may all live happily ever after." " What is this stuff?" " Baked beanstalk." " Baked beans?" " Beanstalk." "My god!" "I can't eat that." "It tastes like an old mattress." " No, it doesn't." "Old mattress has a sweaty, meaty taste." " And how often is this on the menu?" " Three times a day." " That's beanstalk juice." "Takes a bit of gettin' used to." " Listen, um..." "Let's say I wanted to talk to somebody and I wanted to get something, made." "For instance, for the sake of argument, a small piece of metal." "Who would I have to talk to?" "I mean, who's Mr. Big around here?" " If you want anything bought, sold, borrowed, or made in here, you have to see the Tooth Fairy." " Uh, the who?" " The prison dentist." " Ah." "Uh, and how would I get to see him?" " Oh, um, that's easy." "Oh, yeah?" " Oh, oh, that's no good." "They'll all have to come out." " What do you mean, "come out?"" "You haven't even looked in my mouth yet." " Sit down." " I, I..." " Come on." "There, that's it." "There." "Would you like some candy?" " What?" "You're a dentist." "You shouldn't be giving people candy." " Why not?" " Well, because it rots teeth." " Ah, rubbish." " Well, of course it does." " Well, excuse me." "Who is the tooth extractor here, eh?" "You or me?" " Well, I'm just gonna..." " What are you doing?" " I'm just putting the straps on." " Straps, what do we need straps for?" " Yeah, the straps of comfort." "Tooth decay is caused by three things." "Number one, poor diet." "Number two, not brushing properly." "And number three..." "Bad fairies." " You know, I, I think I could, um..." " Ah, just let..." " Ah!" " Does that, does that hurt?" " Ow, ah!" "Uh huh." " Good." "How about this?" " Whoa, no." "Wait a minute..." "No, no!" " Ah, loose teeth." "I thought so." " Oh..." " Don't you worry." "We have a bag of magic teeth here." " You can't..." "I came to you for help." " Help?" " Yeah, I..." "I've got to get a, a key made out of this." " What's it worth?" " Uh..." "Oh, oh, look, look." "See that?" " Oh..." " Ow!" "This... ls a hand-worn clock." "The little hands go around, and it tells the time very intricately." "I..." " We call them watches." " Ah, but this is a Rolex." "Solid gold." " Ah." "Yeah, well, as long as it's not one of those cheap imitations." " Oh, aw, hey!" " Hey, what?" "Hey, look." "Prince Wendell's carriage." " Raise the barrier." "Your Majesty." " Do you mean to say he just drove right through Beantown without stopping?" " That was on Wednesday, Lord Chancellor, and he hasn't been seen since." "The throne makers are furious." "They're threatening to boycott the coronation." " It's so unlike the Prince not to send word of where he is." " Perhaps it's just, uh..." "Coronation nerves." "I'm sure he'll turn up soon." " Let us not forget that the Evil Queen is now at large." " Where is Wendell?" "Where is he in his kingdom's greatest hour of need?" " Things look very bad indeed." " Terrible." " Quite awful!" " Still..." "I expect it'll all turn out happy ever after." " Oh, yes." " Now, to the real crisis." "There is a shortage of bluebells throughout the kingdom." "My color scheme for the coronation banquet will have to be completely rethought." " She's awake." "Strip her." " Oh my god." " You're a captive of the merciless trolls now." " The merciless!" " Without mercy." " Ah!" "Pretty little feet." "Nicey nice." " Who runs your kingdom?" " My kingdom?" " Who's in charge?" " Ah, the president!" " Wendell was trying to rally an army from your kingdom to attack us." "Wasn't he?" " No." " This could be a long torture session." " I'll tell you anything you want to know." " Torture first, then you talk." "It's better that way." "Rush a torture, ruin a torture." "Dad's here." " Dad?" "Why don't you take off the shoes?" " In these shoes I am all-powerful." "I can rule the world." " Come on, Dad." "Just slip 'em off." "Dad!" " Where have you been?" "You're a day late." " Uh, well..." " He, he..." " Who's this?" "Supposed to bring back the dog." " Oh, forget the dog, Dad." "We've discovered another kingdom." " The mythical 10th kingdom." " Talked of only in myth." " Don't talk rubbish." "There is no 10th kingdom." " Oh, but there is, and this witch put us in a box of matches." " You were captured?" "By this, girl?" " She's a witch." " How many of their soldiers did you kill before you were captured?" " None." " None survived." " Who wants to be whipped first?" " It's true." "Look at this." " They are called the Brothers Gibb." " And the song, it concerns a deadly fever that only strikes on Saturdays." " There's more to all this than the Queen is telling me." " Prince, I've got the key." " Oh, brilliant." "The governor's in the kitchen making me another poison dinner." "Quick, use it now." "Open the door." "There are spare uniforms in here." "You can put one on and, and just march me out of the prison." "Oh, come on, hurry up." " Shh, somethings wrong with the key." "It's not turning." "Must be a..." " You must really love pain." " What?" "Oh, no, no, no, no, you don't understand." "I, I was just coming down the hall and I tripped on the loose brick, and I fell and I found myself right here in front of your door and I found this." "Did you lose one?" " Take him downstairs and give him 50 beanstalk lashes." "Right now." " No, no, you know, that's not necessary." "I was coming by to ask you, do you have a laundry here?" " Oh, dear." "Sorry about that, Antony." " No, listen, I don't..." " Here boy." "Here, boy." " You're hurting me." " Here you are, doggy." "There." "That should give you a nice, long sleep." " Ouch!" " You will dance for me and when you've finished dancing you'll tell me how to invade your kingdom." " Uh, you know, I'm not," "I'm not much of a dancer, really." "Actually." " You'll dance when you wear these." "Wake me when they turn red." " Conceal the coach then prepare a room for the Prince." " Welcome home." "We have missed you, Your Majesty." " Who's that?" " She was the stepmother who poisoned Snow White with the apple all those years ago." "She was once the most powerful woman in all the nine kingdoms and this was but one of her five castles." " What happened to her?" " When she was finally caught, they heated a pair of iron slippers over red-hot coals and made her dance at Snow White's wedding." "She crawled out into the snow, dragging her raw, blistered, useless feet into a swamp nearby." "This broken woman was once the fairest of them all, but she kept her magic mirrors and searched for a successor and that, of course, was me." "I will finish her work and destroy the House of White forever, and pity the fool who tries to stand up to me!" " Dear All, you must be wondering where I have been these last few days." "I have been laid low with a sprained ankle, and I'm staying in the Royal Hunting Lodge in the Disenchanted Forest." "Do carry on with the coronation plans, and rest assured I will be back in plenty of time for the big day." "Lots of love, Prince Wendell." " Thank goodness for that." " That explains it." " That explains nothing." "Why has the prince made no reference to the Troll King crisis?" " Well, perhaps he hasn't heard about it." "A twisted ankle can be excruciating." " The Troll King has challenged Wendell to face him in combat." "Meanwhile, he's been killing 4th Kingdom citizens, and nothing is being done about it." " We need a plan." " We have a plan." "My seating plan." "The ceremony is barely three weeks away." "I need the prince for a fitting, and I need people to at least commit to a basic color scheme." " I'm worried about Wendell." "I shall go to the hunting lodge by the fastest steed in the kingdom, and tell him of the Troll King's challenge." " Jolly good idea." " One further thing, the Queen is still at large." "She has spies everywhere." "Nothing that is said here must go beyond this room." "Agreed?" " Agreed." "We must consider military options." "Otherwise, we will be perceived as being spineless in Wendell's absence." " Would it help to calm people if we..." " Summon my Huntsman." "Oh, we have problems." "Wendell's council doesn't believe my letter." "They have sent a man to Wendell's hunting lodge." "He must not return." " It will be done." " Yeah, if you were kidnapped it would've been all right, but, Virginia." "Oh, have I lost my one true love?" " Oh, please." "Stop it with the one true love, all right?" "You're some grubby ex-con." "You've been nothin' but trouble since we met you." " Don't talk to me like that!" "I'll bite you in a minute!" " You wanna dance with me?" "Because I've had just about enough." "All right?" " Sh, sh, sh." "Listen." " Halt." "Who approaches?" " Forgive us, noble Woodsman, but have you seen a gorgeous girl with very long hair?" " I haven't seen anything." "I'm blind." " A blind Woodsman?" " Have you ever seen a tree move?" " Tony?" " What?" " Look at his ax?" "Is that ax, by any remote chance, the Magic Ax that cuts through anything?" " Could be." " Oh!" "How much do you want for it?" " Yeah, how much?" " Oh, you can have my magic ax, if you can guess my name." "But your friend must kneel by this block, and if you haven't found my name out by the time I've chopped all these logs into firewood," "I will have his head." " What is it with you people?" "What kind of twisted upbringing did you have?" "You know why can't you just say," "Oh, that'll be a hundred gold coins?" "Why does it always have to be," "No, not unless you lay a magic egg, or count the hairs on a giant's ass?" " Do you want the ax, or don't you?" " Oh, let's just carry on looking for Virginia." " Oh!" " What?" " I know this." " No." " It's all right." "It's all right." "It's all right." "We accept." " Oh no, don't accept on my behalf" " No, no, it's fine." " No..." " It's okay, it's okay." "I swear." "It's okay." " Very well, lay your head on the block while your friend guesses." " Just for Virginia." " Yes, I got it, don't worry." " Okay." "Oh!" " Just to make you secure." " I know this." "Don't worry about it at all." "All right, Mr. Ave-To-Look-But-I-Can-Chop-Wood, your name is Rumpelstiltskin." " No." " Oh, whoa." " I said, Rumpelstiltskin." " That's not is name." " Guess again." " Oh, Rumpelstiltskin Jr." "Rumpelstiltskin the 4th." " No." " Does it have a Rumpel in it?" " Please let me go." "I'm not involved in this." "I..." " Where's the dog?" " I don't know what you're talking about." " Don't make me ask again." " I think he's dead." " I think you're lying." "And you're not lying." "Is he hurt?" "You were dragging something on wheels, yet the tracks were too deep for the weight of just a dog." "What about the others?" "Will they come looking for you?" " They don't give a damn about me." " So they will come." "Will they have any weapons?" " Yes." " No weapons." " Uh, Tom?" "Uh, Dick, uh, Van Dyke?" " Cold." " Uh, oh, oh, Elvis?" " Elvis." " Frankie?" "John?" "Paul?" "George?" "Ringo?" " Ringo!" " Colder." "Way off." " Well, come on, look, look, look, just give me a clue." " Yeah, give him a clue." " What kind of fun could it be just to kill him?" " Yeah." " Quite a lot of fun, actually." "In fact, you could say that is the reason for my existence." " Sit." "I was born here in this forest." "When I first saw the Queen, I was still a forester." "She came to my village." "She stopped her hunting party to water the horses, then she called me forward." "She showed me this." "She said, "When this crossbow is fired," ""the bold will not stop until it hits the heart" ""of a living being." "It cannot miss."" "So, I said, "What must I do" ""to win this magic crossbow?"" "And she said, "Just close your eyes," ""fire wherever you wish, and it will be yours."" "So, I did." "The bolt the bow like gossamer, and sped a mile through the trees, then killed a child who was playing." "I remember the Queen's face as I pulled the bolt from my son's heart." "And she said, "You will be my Huntsman."" "So, you understand the hunt is my purpose and only pleasure." "I have no interest in mercy." " No!" "Well, how do we know you're not lying about your name?" " Hey, that's right." " Yeah." " I could have said it already." " You haven't guessed my name, not by a long way." " Long way." " My name is in my hat." "I may be blind, but my hearing is excellent." "Move any closer and I chop your friend's head off." " You're a sick pervert, huh?" " Sick pervert." " You've done this before, haven't you?" " Hundreds of times." " And, uh, approximately what was the percentage of correct guesses?" " No one has ever guessed." " Ow!" "Your Majesty, are you there?" "Hello?" "Is anyone there?" "Prince Wendell?" " Who is this Queen?" "How can you serve someone that made you kill your own son?" " It was my destiny to kill my son." "It was her destiny to ask me." " You're crazy." "Everybody in this whole place is crazy!" " Whatever is meant to happen will happen, no matter what we do." "It is my destiny to kill you now." "Who are you?" " I'm nobody, I swear I'm nobody." " I will kill you." "I have a little business to attend to." "We will continue our discussion later." " The Mad Axman?" " I told you, you'd never guess." " Uh, um, uh, uh, wait, uh, um." "Your name, it's forming in my mind." "Um, uh, just a second." "It's coming, it's coming." " Too late." "Now, I will have your friend's head." " Just a minute!" "Juliet!" " Hi." " Because you helped us, we will help you again, but this really has to be the last time." "You're such a lot of trouble." " Okay." "Please go and find my father and Wolf, and tell them where I am." "Tell them to come get me." " Bye." " Uh, who'd have thought it?" "Juliet the Axman." " Yeah, well, you know what?" "Is it any wonder he turned into a sick sadist." " I know." " Psst!" "You down there." " It's another one of those birds." " I know where Virginia is." " Oh!" "Okay!" " Where?" " She's in a tree that is not a tree, in a place that is not a place." " Ah, ah, ho-ho-hold, can we just stop with the rhyming crap?" "Take us there!" " Oh, oh, oh!" " Come on!" "Move!" " She's inside this tree." "Bye." " Wait a minute, inside a tree?" "How can she be inside a tree?" " Virginia!" "Virginia, are you up there?" " Wolf!" "Wolf!" " Oh, it's her, it's her." " Urn, how do we get in?" " There's a door." " Uh, all right, a door?" "Where?" "I don't see a door." "I don't see a door." "There's no door." "There's definitely no door." " Oh, if he's concealed it with magic it could take weeks to open." " Just, um, why can't you just come down and let us in from the inside?" " Well, he's chained me up." "I can't." "Can't you climb up the tree?" " Well there's no foot holds." " Well get a ladder or something." " Where am I gonna get a ladder?" "Hold one second, if this is a magic ax maybe I can..." " Oh!" " Chop the tree down." " Virginia, can I ask you a question?" " What?" " How long is your hair now?" " Uh, it's, uh, longer than ever." "It's, uh, no." "No." " That's a great idea." " No!" " I've always wanted to say this." "Love of my life, let down your lustrous locks!" " Look out below!" "Close your eyes." " Wh-wh-what is it?" " Dandruff!" " I do not have, oww!" " Oh, some people can't take a joke." "Oh, what a moment in my life." "My second opportunity to save you." "My story will be immortalized in song, there's no question of that." "Ah, I found another gray one!" " Ugh." " Tada!" " Ow!" " Be careful you don't trip over your hair." " No kidding." " Stay back, Virginia." "Stay back!" " Virginia!" "Virginia!" " Get the ax!" " Dad, give me the ax!" " Chop his head off!" "Stick it in his back!" "Anything!" "Do it!" " Okay!" " Agh!" " Sorry!" " Agh!" " Could somebody move this door?" " My arm is squashed!" "" " Oh, Dad!" " Virginia, are you all right?" " Yes." " What is this place?" " It's a bad place, let's go." " That's a good idea." " Well, wait, we can't just leave him like this." " You're right." "Give me the ax." "I'll do it." " Wait!" "We can't kill him!" " Of course we can!" "He'd kill us!" " That's not the point." "He's helpless." " Exactly why we should kill him now!" " Wolf, No!" " Agh, he's gonna come after us!" " I don't care." "We're not killing him." " Ugh, you're gonna regret this moment." "Come on." " Ah, ha-ha-ha!" "Hey, boy, welcome back." "Time for walkie." "Oh, hey." "How did the haircut go?" " Well, uh," "I think I might have overdone the ax trim a little." " What?" "I don't," "What th..." " You just don't say a word!" " Oh my." " What did?" " What do you want?" " You are inviting trouble." " I'll tell you something, war is great fun when there's no enemy." " You're very stupid, even for a troll." "Wendell's kingdom borders all the others, they will not let it fall without a fight." "The other kingdoms will send in troops, and crush you!" " Then I'll kill them all." "I'm not scared of anybody." " Listen to me," "I will give you everything you desire, but you must leave Beantown now!" " Beantown's old news." "We've got control of every village 20 miles from here, and it's not stopping there." "I'm taking my half of the kingdom right now." "Wanna make something of it?" " I don't believe it." " That's Acorn's wagon." "That's it!" "That's him!" " We're going home." "Bring Prince!" " Okay, you talk." " Ah, Hi, Acorn." " Hi." " Remember me?" " Anthony!" "You got out of prison." "How, uh, unlikely." " Where's our mirror?" " Mirror?" " It belongs to us." " Was it valuable then?" " Uh." " No, it's worthless." " You've come an awful long way to get back a worthless mirror." " It's a magic mirror." "We traveled here through it, and we've been trapped in this world ever since." " Virginia, just..." " Look, all we want to do is go home." "We won't take the mirror, okay?" "We'll just use it to go home, and then you can do whatever you want with it." " I'm moved by what you say." " Then please, let us go home." " But I don't have it anymore." "I'm afraid I swapped it with someone in the village." "Not half an hour ago." " Swapped it?" "Swapped it for what?" " Wolf." "Wolf." "Wolf." "Wolf." "Do you think you can simply ignore me?" " I've changed." "I am no longer under your influence." "You cannot touch me." " Oh, really?" "It's a full moon tonight." "Your blood is already hot." "You are a wolf." "What will you do when the wild moon calls you?" "What will you do then to your new friends?" " I don't think we should go into this village." " This is where Acorn said the mirror was." " A wolf goes by his instincts and I don't like it." "I mean, this is farming land, and farmers don't like wolfies." "Huff!" "Puff!" "No, siree!" "Why don't we stop for breakfast, and think about what to do?" " You already had breakfast." " Well, then I want another breakfast!" "I mean, what are you my mother?" "You tell me when I can eat or not?" "Why don't you just draw up a list of things" "I can and can't do!" " We're going into the village." "End of discussion." "You can do what you like." "Virginia, please forgive me." "I didn't mean to be so rude." "It's just that my cycle is coming on." "You see, once a month, I get very irrational and angry and I just wanna pick a fight with anyone who comes near me." " That sounds familiar." " But I'll be perfectly, perfectly all right, if you just keep me away from temptation." " You know, I get like that too sometimes actually, but." " Oh!" "Look at those sheep." "Trollops." "Sheep out." "Oh!" "Mornin'." " Mornin'." "My name's Sally Peep." "I'm a shepherdess." " Oh, there's no question about that." " My, what very strong arms you've got." "If my door wasn't locked," "I'd be scared you'd come into my house, and huff and puff, and blow all my clothes off." "Mmm." " Where do you live, Sally?" " Okay, let's go." "Welcome one and all, to the second day of the" "Little Lamb Village Annual Competition." "Well, it's a new day today, and a new competition." "The best radish in the village." "Mrs. Morris, these radishes are beautiful." "I'll give 'em nine out of ten." "But the Peeps' radishes." "Well, they've done it again." "They're out of this world." "I've got to give them ten out of ten." "Come, Pete the grocer." "Come up and get your 9th award today." "Yes, yes, well." " The Peeps have done it again." "They're just best at everything." " Ladies and Gentlemen, in an hour's time," "I'll announce the winner of Best Cheese in the village." " Excuse me, could you tell me who's in charge around here?" " I am the village idiot, and I am in charge of the wishing well." " Do we have magnets in our pockets?" "How do we attract people like this?" " I don't know." " It's a nice dog you got there." "He reminds me of someone." " What's that for?" " That's the village's present for Prince Wendell." "It's to be his coronation cloak." " I hope he likes it." " Aren't you gonna make a wish then?" "It's very bad luck to pass without makin' a wish." " That's money we shouldn't be wasting." " Oh, you are so prim, but my wish will change all of that." " It don't work." " Oh, uh." " It used to be a real magic wishing well, and folks they traveled from all over the kingdoms to have things blessed in it." "It's all dried up now." "It hasn't flowed for years." "I have made it my life's work." " As fascinating as your story is, what we're actually looking for is a mirror about so big." "Black." "We were told that someone bought it off of Acorn the Dwarf." " Mm-hmm." "I have made it my life's work to wait by this well until it fills up again." "What do you think of that, eh?" " It's no use." "The man is a complete idiot." " If only." "Now my father, he was a complete idiot." "I'm still a half-wit." " Everywhere is full, what with the annual village competition, but you can stay here if you like." "Might not be posh, like what you're used to." " It stinks." " It's great." "Thank you." "By the way, do you know of anybody that's bought a mirror from a traveling trader recently?" " No, ah, you'll wanna talk to the local judge." "He bought a load of things off that dwarf." "Prizes for the competition." "You'll find him in the inn over the road." "They do lovely food there, too." "Well, that's the understatement of the year." " Thanks." " Oh!" "Aghhh." "Oh!" " What's wrong?" "Dah!" "Cramps." "Oh, oh, I need to go to bed." "I need to lie down immediately." "Oh!" "Oh!" "I need a hot rabbit to stroke, to comfort me." "A long-eared rabbit is best." "Now!" "Now." "Right now." " You know, you're running a terrible temperature." " Oh, they look so innocent, don't they?" "But they're not!" "They're provocative, teasing, little fluff balls." "Ah, just look at her beady little eyes." "She knows exactly what she's doing." "Don't ya?" " You just feel really hot." " Oh, stop fussing' over me!" "Your not my mother!" "Stop mothering and smothering and cubber-loving everybody, like a little dwarf housewife!" "Go out!" "Leave me alone!" " Hey!" "What are you talkin' to my daughter like that for?" "All right?" "I'm not gonna take that kind..." " Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" " I'll huff and puff." " Let's go see what that is." " You stay with me." " Come on, come on, come on." "That's the place for us." "Oh, this potato." " Mm, did you try the squash?" " It's absolutely incredible." " I know." " I can't, mm, Virginia look." "Tomorrow's competition." " Oh my God, Dad look." "The mirror is one of the prizes." "Sheep and Shepherdess Competition." "Hmm." " We've gotta talk to the judge." " I know." " There we are, my dears." " Uh-huh. is the..." " Oh, boy." " Judge about?" " The judge'll be in first in here 8 o'clock on the dot." "There's some more lovely vegetables for you." " Yeah, just keep it comin'." "This is incredible." "And this cider?" "I don't even like cider." "I've had five pints." " That cider comes from young Colin Peep's apples." "And the lamb was reared by my brother, Larry Peep." "Everything you're eatin' comes from us Peeps." "Best farming family in the all of the Nine Kingdoms, if I say it meself." " Well, you go right ahead and say it." "What is your secret?" " Oh, I suppose we're just good farmers." " Hah." "Mm." "Oh." " Start without me, why don't ya?" "Hi." "Oh!" " Shouldn't you be in bed?" " Bed?" "Oh no, I feel bounding with energy." "I feel full of life!" " Where's the rabbit?" " What rabbit's that?" " The one I gave you to cuddle." " Goodness me, I think she must have hopped away." " You've got an appetite like a wolf, you have." "Ooooh." "Oh, by the way folks, Judge has just walked in if you want to talk to him." " Oh, thank you." " Thank you." " Mm-mm-mm." " So, you can see, Sir, that in a way, this mirror really is actually ours." " Yeah." " No, it's not." "I bought that fair and square." "I buy a whole batch of things every year for the village prizes." " Um, fine." "You know, Your Honor," "I know how these things usually work, so how 'bout I slip you a few gold coins?" " I'm a judge and I don't like people trying to bribe me." " Oh..." " No, not another word!" "Or I'll have you thrown out of the village." " Oh!" " You're new, aren't you?" " Yeah." " I can't get these sherpa tips undone." "Could you help me, Mister?" " Well, I, um." " Yeah, what is your name?" " Wolfson." " Wolfson." " Warren Wolfson." " It's my 18th birthday today." "Bet you can't guess what's gonna happen to me tonight." " Ah!" "Is it the bumps?" " What's that sticking' out the back of your trousers?" "Down there at the back." "It's quite a bulge." " I must get going." "I think I left a chop on my plate." " Arrrgh!" "No outsiders mess with Peep girls." "You understand?" " What are you doin' around here anyway, Mister Wolfson?" " Well I..." " Ahhhhh!" "Let's take him out back, and give him a proper..." " Excuse me!" "What are you doing to my husband?" " Your husband?" " Yes, he's not at all well today, and I must take him home right now." "Thanks." "Good night." " Good night." "Excuse me." "Oh, Virginia, when you said I was your husband," "I went all hard and soft at the same time." " I only said that to get you out of here." "Come on." " Oh, Virginia!" "I feel so alive!" "I can see everything for miles!" "Oh, look at the moon." "Doesn't it just make you wanna howl?" "It's soooooo beautiful." " Not really." " My mama was obsessed with the moon." "She used to drag us all out just to watch it when we were cubs." "Shepherdess makes quite a mess, but little lambs are lovely." "The moon makes me hungry for everything." " Time to go to sleep." " Good night, then." " Good night." "What your step." " Not a bad place." "Boy, that cider was somethin'." "Ten pints." "Hey, wanna go for walkies?" "Look, yes, all right," "I feel guilty about what has happened to you." "All right?" "But if I got you into this mess, then I'll get you out." "Okay?" "Wait here." " And where's the birthday girl at?" "Why do you think everything the Peeps make tastes so good, Sally Shepherdess?" " I don't right as know." "Used to be that there was a magic well in town, but well's dried up." "Everyone knows that." " Do they now?" "Well, since you're 18," "I'm gonna let you in on the family secret." "Go on, boys." "The reason there's no more magic water in the village well, is 'cause me and my brother diverted the stream 40 years ago." "The Peeps have all the magic now." "Let's have a look at your sheep." "Ugly bugger, isn't he?" "Can't see him winning' you the lovely shepherdess competition." " What do you want in my magic waters." " Fill this sheep with your goodness and life." " Oh!" "Wilf, it's amazin'!" " Don't you never breathe a word to anyone, or I'll cut your throat." "Grandchild or no grandchild." " Do you have any idea what you do to me?" "You will never know love like mine." "I am your mate for life!" " Wolf, you don't even know what you're saying." "I know you're a..." " Oh, you know, do you?" "Ah, you know everything." "You're little Miss Perfect, sticks up her hand and can answer every question, but knows nothing." "You're pretending to live, Virginia." "You're doing everything, but actually living." "You're driving me crazy!" " Stop bullying me!" "I don't like it." "Now go to bed!" "Now." " Or what?" "Will you scream?" "That's what most people do when they see a wolf." "They scream, scream, and scream." "What are you gonna do?" "Stick it in me?" "That's what everybody does when there's a wolf around." "They stick it and they stab it and they smoke it out." "They burned my parents good." "Oh yes!" "The good people, the nice farmers, made a great big fire and burnt them both." " Hey!" "You're never gonna guess what I found." "I know why the Peeps win everything." "Well, he looks better." " Fine mess!" "Fine mess!" "Fine mess!" "Now she hates ya." "Oh, now she hates you." "Oh, because you're an animal!" "Oh, you deserve it, you're a nasty, nasty animal!" "Oh, nasty, nasty animal!" "Animal!" " Who are your companions?" " I'm not tellin' you anything about her." " Her?" " Oh, agh, agh." " What's she like?" "Is she tasty?" " You're evil." "You stay away from me!" " Look at the moon." "Then tell me what you'd really like to do to her." "And let the wolf out." " Hey, what do you think?" " Oh!" " Hey, don't scare it." "It took me almost three hours to catch it." " Why have you stolen a sheep?" " For the competition, the Beautiful Sheep and Shepherdess Competition." " No, no, no." " Yes, yes, yes, how else are we gonna get our hands on that mirror?" " I am not a shepherdess." "I'm a waitress." "I don't know anything about sheep." " You don't have to." "That's the beauty of my plan." " Well this sheep sucks." "This isn't gonna win anything." "It looks like it's about to die." " Well, it won't, once it's had a trip down the magic wishing well." "All right, you get busy making your costume." "I'm gonna go get it dipped." " My costume?" " Yeah, yeah, look." "Who would've ever thought these used to be curtains?" "Now, come on, hurry up, and watch Prince." " Hello?" " How are you feeling?" " Oh, not too good." "Everything's hazy at the moment." "I must fight what I am." "I can't even remember what I've done." "You better tie me up, that way I can't escape." " What do you mean tie you up?" " Tie me up!" "Stop me escaping!" "Which part don't you understand?" " All right." " Tighter." "Tighter!" "Tighter." "If I struggle I can get free." "Tighter." "What's the worst thing you've ever done?" "Tighter." "Or I'll eat you up." " Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" " Oh no!" "The chickens!" "They've been torn apart." " Kill the girl." " Noooooo!" "Nooooo!" " Get me the dog." "Do it!" " Due to the appalling chicken massacre this morning, we're bringing forward the Beautiful Shepherdess Competition." "The prize for which, is a trophy and this lovely old mirror." " What do ya think your doin'?" " You're not local." " You little goblin." "Don't you dare." " Wait, wait, wait, wait." "All right, all right, I've got it." "We're gonna do this right." "Hold on." " What do you wash in my magic waters?" " Urn, I want the same as you did for the Peeps." "I want a beautiful sheep." "Now, it's time for the well of fortune." " Now, we've got three contestants." "Good gracious me." "Well, the more the merrier, I say." "Ah, where's your sheep, Miss?" " Oh, he's on his way." " She hasn't got one." " I do too." "He's just in the barn." " Well go and fetch him, girl, and smartish too, else I shall have to disqualify you." "Now to start the competition," "I'm going to ask all entrants, as is the age-old custom, to sing their favorite sheep song." "Young Mary Ramley, will you start us off?" " Come on, Mary." " Oh, hey, hey!" " Dad?" "What the hell is that?" " Huhuhu, this is a mirror winning sheep, is what it is." " Oh my God, Dad, what sheep songs do you know?" " Um, Baa Baa Black Sheep." " No, she's already doing that." " Then, um, I don't know, just, well just pick any song." "Just put sheep words to it." " I can't do this." "There is no way I'm gonna win this thing." " Virginia, listen to your father, if you ever want to go home again, do what you need to do to win this competition." " Agh!" " And now contestant number three." "Girls will be girls." "Sing it!" " I will keep it under control." "Oh, oh, time to kill." "Time to kill, oh, that's what I've got." "Oh, nice day, nothin' to do." "Oh, ah." "No!" "No!" "I am serene." "I am calm and serene." "I am very, very serene." "Oh!" "I am very, very serenely hungry." " Three beautiful girls, and three beautiful lambs." "This is the hardest competition to judge so far, by a long shot." "I give Mary eight out of ten, and a well-earned third place." "Oh, these lambs are so beautiful." "How do I make a decision?" "I've got to give Sally Peep ten out of ten." "But then," "I also have to give Virginia Lewis ten out of ten as well." " A tie?" "We can't have a tie!" "Someone has to win." " I have to win." "Peeps always win." " How about you get a trophy and I get the mirror?" " They're both mine." "She shouldn't even be allowed to take part." "It's not fair!" " Why are you givin' an outsider ten out of ten?" " She's a dirty cheat." "Give the prize to my girl." " Back off, back off, I said!" "Now look, this is a shepherdess competition." "We'll set up an obstacle course, and whoever guides her sheep into the pen in the shortest time, is the winner." "Using only sheep dogs and commands." "Sound fair enough?" " Yeah, all right." " No, I don't have a sheep dog." " 'Spect I'll win then, won't I?" " Damn, damn, where am I gonna find a sheep dog?" " Excuse me." " Just be, please, all right, I'm trying to think here." " You've got a dog." " I don't have a, oh, that dog?" "You know what?" "I don't know if you've noticed, but that dog," "that's it." "You're an absolute genius." "Virginia, stall, stall!" "Magic wishing well, please use your magic, whatever, water to bring back to life this poor dog trapped in a gold body." " Oh no, not you again." " Each girl stances into the village and can only use her shepherding skills with her dog." "Are you ready, Sally?" "Starting now!" "Corning up to thirty!" " Okay, let it have worked," "God, please, let one thing have gone right." "Oh no." "It didn't work." "What?" " Pen's closed." " Done in a splendid count of 85." " Prince, come on." "Come on, boy, come on, come on." "Oh-oh-oh look, look!" "Prince, Prince fetch." "Oh, yes, yes." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Welcome back, Princey boy!" " Grrrrr!" " Ow!" " Why did you turn me into gold?" " I didn't mean, it was a heat of the moment kind of thing." "I was trying to protect you from those trolls." " Ah, you really are the most incompetent manservant," "I've ever had." "You are a complete imbecile." "What are you?" " Prince, all right, I really need your help here, okay?" " Time starts now!" " Come on, lamb!" "Come on, lamby!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come here, lamb!" "Come on, lamby!" "Come on, lamb!" "Come on, lamb!" "Come here, lamby!" "Come on!" "Come on!" " Going up to 30." " Come here, lamb, come on, come on!" "Come on, lamby, come on!" "Come on!" " Ahhh, tough luck." "Ah, geez, Sally is the winner." " Corning up to 50." " Come along, Pinky, hurry up." "That's it, stupid little sheep, hurry up." " Where did he come from?" " Go, Prince, go!" " Comes to 70!" " Hurry up, or I'll bite you." "Get in the pen, you disgusting little woolly jumper." " Here comes 80!" " One, two, three!" "" " Pen's closed!" " Virginia the Shepherdess is this year's winner." " No!" "No!" "No!" " I never thought I'd see the day when a Peep got beat." " Come and get your prize, lass." " No!" "No!" " Thank you very, very much." "It was a team effort, no one person could do it." "Bye-bye." " You lied to me, Wilf." "You said I couldn't fail to win." " That little weaks, must have got in our well somehow." "It's the only explanation." " You've made me look a fool in front of the whole village." "I'm gonna make you suffer for this, Wilf." " Come on, come on, come on." "How come it's not showing our world?" " I don't know." " I was talking to Prince." " Because it's not turned on." "There's probably a secret catch somewhere." " He said it's probably not turned on." "Well how did you get through it in the first place?" " I fell on it." "It can't be that hard to find." " I don't." " What's this?" "It's Central Park." " That's Wollman Rink." " Wolf!" "Wolf!" " Sally Peep's been murdered!" "Caught him red-handed!" " How can you get those sheep to decide?" "I didn't do nothin'." "Oh, Virginia!" "Virginia!" "Virginia!" "I didn't do nothin'!" "Virginia!" "Virginia!" " Uh!" "Ah!" "Ahhh!" " Are you all right?" "Your Majesty?" " Mirror." "Mirror." "Find me a mirror." " Find a mirror!" " That man is an idiot." "He's causing me so much trouble." " You're dead." "You hear me?" "Next time I see you, you're dead." " Cease fighting immediately, or we will be overrun and we will lose this kingdom!" "Do you understand?" " I'm taking the kingdom." "Then I'm coming for you, you evil pig!" " To hold the Troll King's latest advance, he's ravaging the kingdom." " It looks like some awful disease." " Surely the trolls are not strong enough to seize the entire kingdom." " Well who will stop them?" "If no one else will say it then I will." "Where is Wendell in our hour of need?" "Where is he?" "He was supposed to be performing prearranged acts of bravery before his coronation, and now there's a real crisis he's just run away." "He's not fit to be king." "Right that down." "Put it down." "Put it down!" " Sirs, forgive me." "I have the most dreadful news." " What is it?" " Viscount Lansky's horse has returned from the Great Forest riderless." " Gentlemen, we have run out of options." "We must accept military assistance from the 1st and 9th Kingdoms to protect our people." "The price of their aid, however, is indeed high." "The 4th Kingdom will be divided into quarters, and run by the council of the Nine Kingdoms in perpetuity, and Wendell will forego any chance of ever taking the throne." " No!" "No!" "I will not accept it." "I've been planning this coronation for three and a half years." " Oh, forget the coronation, Lord Rupert, we must sign away sovereignty, or lose everything." " Virginia, there's been a terrible mistake." " Look, Wolf." "We're going home." " Oh, huff-puff, you can't." " Look, we don't belong here." " No." " And whatever mess you've gotten yourself into, it has nothing to do with us." "Please don't cry." "Look, nothing you can say is ever gonna change my mind." " Ah, that's home, Prince." " Well, it's not home for me, Tony, and you can't possibly think of going home while you remain my manservant." " All right, let's get something straight," "Your Royal Dogness," "I am not your manservant." "Ah-ha." "So, did you break the news to him?" " Yes, well, sort of." " What sort of?" " Sort of agreed to represent him." " Virginia!" " I don't think he killed anybody." " That's what you want to think." "There's a dead girl out there." "It could have been you." "He is a wolf." "That's what wolves do." " That's the first intelligent thing you've said, Anthony." " Look, we have the mirror." "We can go home anytime." " Right, so, let's go right now." "Let's go right this minute before we turn into giant pigs, or trampled by goblins, or whatever's next in this mad house." " I am not going anywhere until I try to help him." " How can?" "Help me hide this thing under the straw in the wagon." "You never used to be this obstinate, you know?" "That's something he's taught you." " Well, somebody had to, didn't they?" " What are you wearing?" " What?" "I have no choice." "You have to." " You know, Virginia, you don't know anything about the laws around here." "As a matter of fact, you don't know anything about law at all." "Maybe I should have represented him." " Excuse me?" "Who got you out of the parking tickets?" "Who took the Polaroid of the broken meter?" " Virginia, this is a murder case." " Justice is universal." " Oh, it's no good, it's no good." "We've lost already, my creamy counsel." "The local jury is certain to be biased against me." " Now that is what I don't want to hear." "Negative thinking." "Any jury can be swayed, all you need is a..." "Oh my God." " All rise for the Honorable Judge." " It gives me no pleasure to sentence this wolf to death for the terrible crime..." " Objection, Your Honor!" "We haven't heard any evidence yet." " Oh, all right, well then move it along." "Nice and brisk, eh?" " Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury." "Ewes and Rams." "Before you leave this courtroom today," "I will not only have proved my client's innocence beyond any reasonable doubt." "Ow!" "But also unmasked the real killer." " Just a pot of lemon tea and a slice of Rosie Peep's ginger cake." "Thank you." " Look at this poor man before you." "Is he a wolf?" "No!" "But he is a stranger, and stranger equals wolf, and wolf equals killer." "Is that what we're saying?" " Very well put." "Now to the sentencing." " You Honor, I'm only just beginning." "I would like to call my first witness." "Wilfred Peep." "You saw my client running away from the scene of the crime." "Is that right?" " Clear as daylight, it was him." "No doubt about it." " Now jam!" " Burn him!" "Burn him!" " I'm wondering if you can read this." " Of course I can, it says," "No trespassing' according to..." " Thank you." "I wonder Mr. Peep, if you can read it now." "At the same distance you say you clearly saw my client running away from the murder scene." " According to Little Lamb Village council ruling number seven-one-four B, by law twenty-one A." " No further questions, thank you." " Oh, cripes!" "Oh." " We gotta do something to help him." " He's a wolf." "What do you expect?" "He's only done exactly what I said he'd do all along." " Well, Virginia believes in him." "And I believe in Virginia." " Nothing you can say will make me help him." " You wanna eat tonight?" " Miss Peep, what is your profession?" " I'm a shepherdess." " Oh, a shepherdess, or temptress?" " Oh yeah, temptress." " She's a temptress." "" " I'm a good girl." "That wolf came up to us girls, and he kept tryin' to touch us." "And show us his tail." " Oh!" "That'a lie!" "They provoked me." " Provoked you to what?" " P-p-p-provoked me to nothing, but they sure were tryin'." " Miss Peep!" "Miss Peep, I suggest that you and Sally Peep were the easiest shepherdesses in town." " Are you suggesting that an innocent young girl from this village might kiss a man before she's married?" " Well, a bit more than that, Your Honor." " Oh, you try my patience." "You are just this far from being thrown on the bonfire with that filthy murdering wolf." " Come on, what can you smell?" " Your body odor." " Go on, you haven't even tried." "Go on, see what you can smell." " Why don't you get down on all fours and see what you can smell." "It's mainly feet and excrement at ground level, had that ever occurred to you?" " Can you pick up a scent?" " There's hundreds of scents." " Well, yes, but only a great hunting Prince, like yourself, could distinguish that special scent we're looking for." " Correct." " You got it?" "Let's go!" " How would you describe Sally Peep?" " Objection!" " Sally?" "Very cute." "Oh, succulent." "Nice girl, a very tasty little birdie, no mistake." " Nice enough to eat?" " Oh, yes!" " What?" " He's shamming' us." " No!" "No, uh, I didn't mean that." " She was asking for it, is that what you're sayin'?" " She was begging for it." "I mean, she was gagging' for it." "No, no, no, I just meant that some of these girls are very provocative." "They know that a wolf, well, it's like thrusting a steak in front of a starving man." " Is it indeed?" " Oh, no!" "I didn't mean that either." "See, I'm twisting everything I'm saying!" " He's suffering from post menstrual tension, Your Honor." " Post menstratense, pe, whatever it is." " The night before the murder, there was a hen house homicide resulting in the death of ten chickens." "Anything to do with you?" " No, Sir." " You didn't kill those chickens?" " No, Sir!" " You didn't go near the hen house?" " Absolutely not, Sir." " Then how do you explain this?" "That is a piece of your shirt recovered from inside the Peep's chicken coop." " Oh, the chickens!" "Let me think." "Yes, yes, I might've eaten all the chickens." " And then you killed Sally Peep." " Oh!" "A couple of drumsticks doesn't make me a killer." "I had chicken for dinner, I admit it, but I didn't touch no girl!" "I swear!" " Then why did you lie?" " Yes, why did you lie?" " Because if I said yes to the chickens, then you're gonna think I wolfed down the girl as well." " That is exactly what we think." " But I didn't do it!" "I didn't do it!" "Virginia, I swear!" " Of course you didn't!" "Of course he didn't do it!" "Of course he didn't do it!" "But if he didn't kill Sally Peep, then who did?" " Who did?" " I hear myself asking, myself," "because the time has come for me to point the finger at the real killer." "Because, because last night there was another man walking around dressed as a wolf." "Yes!" "The man in the wolf mask is the real killer." "And that murdering piece of filth is the one that should be on this witness stand now." " The honor of playing the wolf in the annual fair, has always gone to an unimpeachable member of our society." " I don't care, bring this sleazebag in." "Let me cross-examine him, and I guarantee we'll have our murderer." " And when that honor was bestowed on me last week." "I was only too happy to accept." " I'm most dreadfully sorry, Your Honor." " Ah-ha, the Peep's barn." " Listen I, come here, come here." "I've been here, all right?" "I know about the well." " This is where she came from." "She was here just before she was murdered." "I can smell her here." " Members of the jury, you have heard the evidence, most of it quite ridiculous." " Some of it." " Now those who believe him innocent all go into the left-hand pen." "Those who know him to be guilty go into the right-hand pen." " The right-hand pen is full of food." " Yeah, it's full of food!" "Oh, Gypsy was right." "A girl dead, a wolf burns." "Oh!" " So what, if this is where Sally came from?" "I don't know what you expect to find." "The well." "Somebody's destroyed the magic well." "Who would'v..." " Shh!" "I'm getting a new scent." "I think there's something important here." " By a unanimous verdict, I pronounce you guilty" " of murder most heinous." "" " No, no!" " I sentence you to be burned at the stake." "Let's do it right away before the Marvelous Melon Contest." " No!" "Objection, Your Honor!" "That is not fair!" "Wolf!" "No!" " I didn't do it!" "I didn't do it!" " You cannot do this!" "You haven't given him a fair trial." " Virginia, I want you to remember me all nicely forever." " Seems only right that family should do it, Wilf." " I'll burn him." " You can't do this!" "No!" " Wait!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Wolf did not kill Sally Peep, and I can prove it." " Oh, he'll say anything." " No, no!" "listen to me." "The Peep family has cheated you for years." "They have their own magic well, and they stopped the rest of you from getting" " any of the water." "" " It's a lie!" " When Sally Peep lost the competition, she wrecked your well." "Didn't she, Wilfred?" "You found out what she did." "You followed her up into the fields, and you killed her, didn't you?" " I don't know what you're talkin' about." "We don't have no magic well." " Why do you think they've one the competitions year after year?" "Why do you think their food tastes so much better than yours?" " I believe him!" "You Peeps have cheated us for too long." " Oh, where's the proof to any of this?" "Prove that I killed Sally." "Yes, go on, prove it!" " Yeah, that's right, prove it!" " Where's your coat, Wilfred?" "The one you were wearing last night." " It's the dog!" "He's got Wilf's coat." " Blood!" "Look, blood!" " Oh my God, it's blood!" " Poor, Sally, she wasn't yelling wolf at all, was she, Wilfred?" "She was screaming your name." "Wilf!" "Wilf!" " She'd ruined the well." "Dirty little vixen." "It destroyed all of us." " You killed our Sally?" " Oh, oh, my three friends!" "How can I ever thank you enough?" "You saved my bacon!" "Oh, thanks old chap." "Oh, I owe you a very big bone!" " I'm actually disgusted that you're still with us." "You repulse me." "Why did I have to save your life?" " Oh, yes, from now on we are friends for life." "And as for you, Virginia, what a courtroom drama!" " So, um, are you cured now?" " Oh, completely, back to my old self." " Yeah?" " I can't remember much about it, to tell you the truth, but I do remember that you and Tony both laid down your lives for me." "It was the most amazing thing." "So dramatic." " Wha?" "What happened to the wagon?" " And our mirror?" " Oh, my son John, he's just takin' his pigs to market." "Left a couple of hours ago." " Oh, which way and how far?" " Well, it's not a journey you'd wanna make on foot." " Told ya I didn't do it." "Did you enjoy your stay in our village?" " Not exactly." " Wish I could remember who that dog reminds me of." " Let me make a suggestion." "Prince Wendell, your ruler." " Prince Wendell?" "Don't be so daft." "No, it was a puppy I once knew called Mr. Fleas." " Ah, splendid, Mr. Fleas." "Anthony can we leave this village?" "One idiot in our group is quite enough." " Let's go." " Aren't you gonna make a wish then?" " Why don't you make it for us?" " Bye." "It sounds like our well's getting some water back in it." "Oh, joy!" "Oh, yea!" "Oh, yea!" "The water's back on!" "Finally!" "I am a complete idiot!" " Ask yourself these questions." "Do you frequently conceal your emotions?" "Do you feel like you do everything for other people and then resent it?" " Everyday in every way," "I am becoming a new and better man." " I'm on the final page of the final chapter of my final book." "I now totally understand women, top to bottom." "I have perfected a technique of not looking at her all the time." "It's been very difficult, but I think I've succeeded." " I am listening to my emotions and I am at one with myself." " Hang on, I haven't finished that page yet." "Turn back." " I've managed to stop my tongue from lolling when she arouses me." "I've transformed myself into a new man and soon she will be mine." " Where exactly are we?" " We have entered the most romantic town in the whole of the Nine Kingdoms, the Kissing Town, where everyone falls in love." "Truly, fate has led us here." " Dream on." " You'll see." " Yeah, well we didn't come here for that." "We came for the mirror, all right?" " Hello, I've been looking for you all day." "I can see love and fortune coming your way." " Well." " Well, it's slice the fruitcake time again." " Dad." " Great romance, great love, before this very night is out." " Ah, which one of us breaks the money?" " Your aura is cloudy." "Just give me a couple of coins." " A couple?" "Ah, it's the old cloudy aura bit." "What are you doing?" "Ah, you have such a soft touch." " Yes, soft, sensuous, creamy touch." " Now, if you look over there, you might find what you're looking for." "Good bye." " Wait, look, look, that's the pig wagon." "The one the mirror was in." "It was, wasn't it?" " How did she know that?" " Yeah, come on, come on, come on." "There's nothin'." "Oh, is this yours?" "Where's our mirror?" " I didn't know it was yours, now did I?" " Where is it?" " You wouldn't want it now anyway, it's covered in pig filth." " Where is it?" " I don't rightly know." " What?" " Fellow gave me five coppers for it this mornin'." " Five coppers?" "What fella?" " I don't know." "Passing threw with a wheelbarrow full of bricky-brack." "Probably comin' from the antiques market." " Bricky?" " You'll never find it now, Anthony." " We're not..." " This place is full of old things." "You'd do best to split up." " Yeah." " Shame you won't have any time for romance though." " Bricky-brack." " Bricky-brack, bricky-brack." "You know something?" "I'll tell you, your trouble is that you've not had to do a hard day's work your entire life." " What would you know about the suffering of royalty?" "You seem to have been some kind of cleaner in your world." " Y-y-yeah, what's wrong with that, all right?" "Nothing shameful about cleaning." "And I had money once." "You know that?" "I was rich." " You?" "Rich?" " Yes, yes, I had a thriving plastics business." "I was makin' 55 grand a year when I was 21 years old." " Ah, so let me guess, you lost it all?" " No, I just kind of overstretched myself." "I put all my money into an idea that just didn't pan out." " And what was that?" " Bouncy castles." "We had the Robin and Maid Marian, Jolly Jester, the Haunted Castle." "You know, we had the Cowboy and Indian Bouncer, one of our most popular items." "And then the ZigZag Bouncer, our motto was, "Put the Bounce Back in Your Life."" " Ah, please stop, Anthony." "Oh, no, it can't be." " The trolls." " Not a very attractive work, I'll grant you, but full of vitality and life, frozen rage." "Does it tickle your fancy?" " Not even a little bit." "Actually though, I am looking for a mirror." "It's about my height, black." " I seem to remember a job lot of junk." "It's in there." " Wolf, do you really think we're gonna find the mirror here?" "I think we should get back to town." " Remember the story of Snow White when she swallowed the poison apple, and everyone thought she was dead?" " Mm-hmm." " Well, the Seven Dwarfs, they brought her here and put her in a glass coffin in the hopes" " Here?" " That someone might be able to bring her back to life." " In this town?" " To the top of this very hill." "The Prince's grandmother." " Oh my God, look." "Is this the real glass coffin?" "I don't know what it is," "I just feel so good." "I don't know what it is." " We all do." "Everyone does in the Kissing Town." "Excuse me, excuse me." " That's it." "That's it, that's it, that's it." " Shh, don't attract attention." " Look at that, ten to fifteen gold coins." "It's priced really low." "Nobody knows what it is." " Don't turn it on in here, you moron." "Everyone will see." " Hmm, what do you think?" " Oh, what?" "This?" "Oh, no I," "I wouldn't even waste my time, just a piece of junk." " At first I thought it was a reproduction." "Late Naked Emperor, at best, but I think it's older than that, quite a lot older." "Maybe even early Cinderellan, and quite a lot more special." " Ah, right, so, Miss Snow white is lying here for years and everyone thinks she's dead." "Close your eyes." "Slow down your breathing, so your chest is almost not moving at all." "That's nice." "And all these handsome chaps come along, and try to bring her around, but none of them were good enough for her." "You know what I mean?" " Mmm." " And then one day, this drop dead gorgeous prince comes past," "and he stops and thinks," "Oh, what a quirky girl." "What a sweetie-pie." "But she's frozen, cold." "She resists his every call with her frozen countenance, and he realizes that the only way he can melt this ice queen is to massage the life back into her soft, creamy lips" "with a kiss." " Hey!" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Would you two stop clowning around?" "I found the mirror." "Come on!" "It was right here." "It was right here." "It's gone." "It's gone." "Hey, wait!" "Hey, hey!" "The mirror that was here, where is it?" " Oh, you mean the magic mirror?" " The?" " What a find." "We're all tremendously excited about it." "It's in there." " Oh, okay, it's in there." " Now it's five thousand?" " We'll never raise that." " I am dead but my work is unfinished." "The house of Snow White survives." "You must complete that work." "In the ruin of my castle, you will find the source of my power." "These are my gifts." "They give you my power." "Mirrors to travel." "Mirrors to spy." "Mirrors to remember." "Mirrors to forget." "Mirrors to rule the world!" " So good to have the power back." " Frying tonight, frying tonight!" " Keep away from me!" " Frying tonight!" " I mean it!" " Listen to this, a present for the strongest, bravest troll." "Oh, you know what it smells like?" " Leather!" " Shoes!" " Well it could be books." " And my size by the look of things." " They're mine, it's a present for me and you know it," " No they're mine!" " Mine!" " Let's spin a coin to decide who gets them." " Well, hello!" "Rescue is at hand!" " Don't come any nearer!" " Don't worry, I'm not who I used to be." "I've had extensive therapy." "I realized I have been using food as a substitute for love and I have the books to prove it." "Breaking the Cycle." "Heal Yourself in Seven Days." "Stop Blaming Yourself, Please." "And Help for the Bedwetting Child, which I picked up by mistake but I've got them all!" " You come an inch closer and" "I swear I'll shout my head off." " Ooo, that is what's known as an empty threat." "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I get the feeling you still don't completely trust me." " I don't trust you at all!" "You tried to eat my grandmother!" " Oh, no!" "I was just being playful." "See wolfies just pretend to do naughty things." "I would have never really eaten her, she was tough old bird." "I wouldn't hurt a sausage." "Butter would not melt in my mouth." "Well, it would melt, of course it would melt, but very slowly." "Argh!" "Puff!" "I give you my solemn wolf word, you are safe with me." "You are as safe as a, brick-built pig house!" "Now, wait here a moment while I plan our escape we are in romantically, reckless danger." "How are you at climbing?" "I nearly fell off three times coming up." " Those incredible shoes." "They made them invisible." " Yeah, I know." " Yeah, but they made them invisible." " Well don't touch them, they'll make you want to wear them all the time." "Balcony, or corridor?" "That is the question." " I'm not going to touch them," "I just want to see how they work." " They're working on you even now." "Just leave them well alone." "Corridor I think." "No!" "Balcony, quick, there's someone coming!" "Excuse me, excuse me, where do you think you're going exactly?" " Back to prison." " Back to prison?" "See that wouldn't be my first choice." " No, I'm going to find my father and then" "I'm going to go right back home." " Alright, alright, alright!" "But not this way." "Virginia, please listen." "You won't survive five minutes unless you follow me." "Now we must avoid this road." "Go this way." " No way am I going in there." "Brave Jack." "Jack?" " Jack and the beanstalk, the first mayor of Beantown." "You know this, this used to be a very prosperous area before all the beanstalks sprouted everywhere and polluted the land." "The trolls were given it as their kingdom, that's why they hate Prince Wendell so much because he has a juicy, fertile kingdom and they have a polluted disgusting kingdom." "Virginia?" "Virginia?" "Virginia?" "Virginia, Virginia, Virginia, please tell me you didn't take the troll king's magic shoes." "Virginia?" "Virginia?" "Virginia?" " Idiots!" "Fools!" "I can't leave you alone for a minute." "Your mothers would be ashamed of you." " No, no no, dad it wasn't our fault." "The witch, she tricked us with this magic shoebox." " Best wishes from wolf." " Virginia?" "I know you think you're safe in those shoes, but nothing could be further from the truth." "Anything a troll has is bound to be bad and dangerous." "Virginia." "Where are you?" " Oh no." " Hello again!" "They're not fully recharged, you see?" "They don't stay invisible very long without a proper break it's a design fault in the shoes, one of many in fact." " You're not having them!" " Having what?" " The shoes." "They're mine." " Oh," "If you don't get rid of them now you won't be able to later." " Ah, you're right, oh you're right." "Oh I don't want them, they made me feel so strange." "God, it felt so powerful, you know, being invisible." "Just amazing!" "Fantastic!" "How did you know where I was?" " I could smell you." "Follow me!" "There's about 70 beanstalks left but not many are occupied these days." "Giants drink so much they rarely have time to reproduce." " Can I ask you a question?" " Yeah, of course." " Do you think I'm sexy?" "You're the kind of man I suppose" "I should be scared of." " Oh Virginia." "As much as I would love to believe what you're saying to me right now," "I'm afraid it's the shoes that are talking." "You'd say anything to put them on again." " Give them back." "Come on, give em back." "Oh, oh, I'm really sorry." "That was weird, I don't know what came over me." " Oh, they bring out very strange things, these shoes." " Yeah" " Whatever you're suppressing." " I'm not suppressing anything." "What?" " Trolls." "They found us." "Oh, cripes, we're in big big trouble now." "They have dogs, they're going to sniff us out." "Run, run!" " This way!" "The dogs are on the scent." "They're very close now." "They can smell 'em!" "Don't let them escape again!" " Blue Bell, come here." "Flatfoot, got any magic mushrooms?" " No, but I've got some dwarf moss and it'll really blow your head off though." "Look at this, the last time I took it" "I saw fairies for three days." " Nicey nice!" "Roll us a giant." " You got it." " This may be a long night." " Blue Bell, Burly, Blaberwort?" "Where are you?" " Coming, Dad." " The beanstalk has a potent smell, it puts off the dogs." " You don't have to tell me." " We'll stay up here for a little while till it's safe." " So how did you get involved in all this anyway?" " Ah, I found myself at a loose end, and you know.." " You were in that prison weren't you?" "What were you in for?" " Well nothing much, just a little bit of sheep worrying that's all." "Putting a wolf into a prison cell with nowhere to bound only able to stare at the sky through bars, now that's inhuman." " Do you think maybe I should, you know put them on again?" " What?" " No, I mean, the shoes are probably fully recharged and." "I can..." " No!" " No!" " What is that?" " It's just my tail." " Your tail?" "What?" " Well it's not very big at this time of month." "It's just a little brush." " You've got a tail?" " Yeah, so?" "You have succulent breasts," "I don't go on about them all the time, do I?" "Why don't you touch it?" "It's perfectly normal." " If it's normal how come you keep it hidden all the time?" " Because if you haven't noticed, people don't like wolfs." "Come on, give it a stroke." "It won't bite." " What?" "What?" " With the fur, not against it!" " I've got keys going missing." "I've got trolls and wolves and queens missing." "What in the fairy-ing forest has happened to basic security in this prison?" " Sir?" "While we were searching the prison we found that the door to the cellars was unlocked at the time of the queen's break-out." " Cellar?" "Did he just say cellar?" " It is possible she escaped that way." " What's down there?" "You." " It's just some old junk, sir." "It's been there for hundreds of years, before this place was a prison." " The mirror!" " Take the work detail off the laundry room, have them clear out the whole place, top to bottom." "Now, get out." " Oh no, that's the mirror to the other world." "I'd better put Anthony's name on the work detail." "To-ny" "Lew-is." " Alright now, pay attention." "Everything here has to be cleared out." "So form a human chain, and chuck everything into that boat moored there." " Ah, excuse me?" " What?" " Well, we're kind of far away from the boat, aren't we in danger of some of the more delicate objects being broken?" " What do you think this is Lewis?" "An elves underwear party?" "Look, this is scrap, now do as you're told!" " I'm..." " And shut it!" " Huffety puffety, there it is!" " Oh God, I hope he's okay in there." "He can take care of himself, right?" "I mean he can stay out of trouble for one day at least." "Can't he?" " Well, from what I know about your father," "I very much doubt it." " Mirror, on." "Mirror, on on, mirror, mirror." " Lewis?" "What in the fairy-ing forest do you think you're doing?" " It's not working." " Listen Lewis, you little prison princess." "Throw that mirror on that boat, now!" " Uh, no I can't, I'm afraid it'll break." " As you've refused to obey my instructions," "I am going to push you into the river." "And as you are connected by leg irons to each of your comrades, they will also, sadly, drown." " Alright, alright, alright." " OK, you wait here." "I'll put the magic shoes on and I'll go back inside the prison." " No way, you'll never come back, you just want them for yourself!" " No, no I don't." " You do!" " Yes, I do, but, oh, I'm fighting it!" "Unlike you!" "I have an idea." " What?" " I'll wear them, you hold onto me, because if you're touching me, we'll both be invisible." " No!" "I will wear them." "And you can hold onto me." " You are hopelessly addicted to those shoes." "And I'm not too far behind." " Curses!" " Now we'll have to kill him." " A tunnel!" " Shh!" " We've been digging for 31 years." " Oh, but please take me with you, please?" "Listen I swear, you can trust me." "You know what, at home," "I've got Escape from Alcatraz on video." "I know how to do this!" " Best we suffocate him I think." " No." "I trust him." " Uh, thanks." "I would give you my watch, but it already went somewhere." " Ten months, just for being cheeky, what are they going to do with dad?" " They've probably put your father in E block, that's where new prisoners usually go, let's go there." " Puppy slaying?" "What about Prince?" "Listen?" "Listen that must be him, that's Prince." " No, Virginia, what are you doing?" "No, we can't take him with us." "He'll drain all the power in the shoes and we'll become visible." "Virginia!" "Oh, I hate dogs." " Hey, hey hey guys, wait up, huh?" " Sorry, Tony." "It's every man for himself." " Oh never mind, just go right ahead, go, go." " I think he's leading us to dad's cell." " This is it!" " Dad, Dad are you in here?" " No!" "Oh, they're exhausted." "I told you this was going to happen." " Look!" " Boy, your father sure works fast, I give him that." " Yes!" "Sure you don't want to come with me?" " A goblin travels fastest alone." " Yes!" "Haha." " There's something blocking the tunnel." "Tony is that you?" " Who's that?" "It's me, Wolf, I gave you the magic dragon dung beetle, remember me?" " You know what, just stay away from me?" " We're in a tunnel together, how can I do that?" " I'm almost out too, but I'm stuck." "Look, just give me a push!" " OK," " Oh Dad." " Are you alright?" " Yeah, ow." "We have to find a way to get back in and get the mirror." " What?" "No, no we don't." "I threw it on a trash barge," "I think on this river right here." " Come on," "Which one?" "Which one?" " No, it was right there." " Where?" " They moved it, I bet you it's over here." " Where?" " It was right here" " Where?" " Oh, look they took it." "Acorn's stolen it." " Oh no, he's got our mirror!" " Mirror, wake from your sleep." "Summon Relish, the Troll King." " Tony, get this thing moving." " I'm trying, I'm trying." " Look, there they are." "Don't let them get away!" " Oh, cripes!" " Oh!" "Dad!" " Oh my, get down, look out!" " Get 'em, get 'em, hit 'em!" "Hit them with something!" " Argh, you're done!" " In your dream troll boy!" " What a pathetic display." "How dare you call yourselves my children." "You are the most..." " Are you alright, Dad?" " What's wrong?" " Mirror." "Find me a mirror." " Out!" "Get out!" " So good of you to join me." " You do that again to me and I'll kill ya!" " Well?" " Well what?" " Have your children caught the dog for me?" " Not exactly." " You do surprise me, your majesty." "How could he possibly escape your tiny little grasp?" " Don't you talk to me that way!" " He must be caught." "Send your children after him." "And what are you still doing in Wendell's kingdom?" "Return to your palace immediately." "Await my further orders." " I don't take orders from you!" " Virginia?" "Would you say that you were hungry for love and approval but, destined for rejection?" " I'm quite happy as I am thank you." " Really?" " What no, no, no!" "What did you do that for?" "!" " I had to for your own good." " You threw away my shoes!" " You were already dreaming of wearing them tonight, weren't you?" " Yes!" "I..." "How did you know that?" " Magic is very nice, but it's very easy to get addicted." " But why didn't you want them?" "How come you were able to resist the shoes and I wasn't?" " Because you have such a strong desire to be invisible." " Anthony, I know that as my new manservant you will never let me down, and will willingly give your life to save mine, but I wonder if you'd like to swear a formal oath of allegiance." "Destiny has brought us together, that much is clear." "My destiny is to rule the Fourth Kingdom, of course, but what is yours?" "Someone as lowly as inconsequential as yourself, may yet have an important part to pay, even if it is catering to my every whim whilst" "I'm trapped in the body of a dog." "What was that?" " Nothing." "Fish, I don't know." " I insist you leave." "Trolls are not allowed in the Fourth Kingdom without proper permits." "This is a gross violation of the Nine Kingdoms treaty." " Shut your mouth." " Unless you leave this instant, I shall notify" "Prince Wendell, and soldiers will be sent." " I am declaring war on the Fourth Kingdom, and I challenge Price Wendell to come and face me within seven days." "Or I will claim his kingdom as my own." " Rise and shine!" "Wakey Wakey it's another beautiful day in the Fourth Kingdom." "Sleep well, Virginia?" " Actually, no, I just got to sleep an hour ago." " Oh, you should have joined me on deck, sleeping under the stars, it was quite magnificent." "You look outstandingly gorgeous in the morning, pert from the front, and a vision from behind!" " Hey, hey, hey!" " What?" " Just don't look at my daughter like that." " Is it this look, Tony?" "Ooo, I can't help it." "It's animal passion." " Oh, just, look, just stay away from her, alright, you've got a criminal record." " Well how can I stay away from her?" "We're on a very small boat." "I may bump into her accidentally at any given moment." " Hey!" "Will you stop talking about me as if I'm not here?" " Manservant?" "I need to go up on deck." "Bring a bucket, and a shovel." " First of all I'm not your manservant." "And if you think I'm going to..." "Ow, what the?" " Cripes!" " What is that?" "Whoa!" " Huffety puffety." " That's one hell of a fish." "Golden River gold fish." "You think it's magic?" " Oh, goodness gracious, yes." "This is the famous, anything you touch will turn to gold fish." " What's this, warning, do not break glass except in case of financial emergency." " Uh, look at that sign, look at that." "Stick a finger in my mouth turn around till you face south touch a thing that you would prize and you will not believe your eyes." "Here is magic to behold all that glitters can be gold." "Do you really think it turns whatever you touch into gold?" " Well, I'm sure it does, but, we don't need to turn anything to gold, do we?" " Well, no, I mean, no, but gold is gold, right?" "I mean think of the guy who owned this boat, he was no fool, he's probably now living in the lap of luxury in some Nine Kingdoms condominium with a mountain of gold in his back yard and everything his heart desires." " Best leave it alone, Tony." "Best leave it alone." " Yeah, well, oh, yeah yeah yeah, best leave it alone, Tony." " Exactly what do you think you're playing at?" "We had a bargain." "I would give you half of Wendell's kingdom, in return for your cooperation." " You've gone since I broke you out of prison." " It is essential that the coronation proceed according to my plan." "If you remain in Wendell's kingdom then you'll ruin everything." "A crisis will inevitably ensue." " What's ensue mean?" " It means, leave Beantown, return to your kingdom, or you'll ruin everything!" " I might and I might not." "By the way, how are my children doing?" " Their intellect and bravery quite take my breath away." " Yeah." "Well look after them, I want them back in one piece." " If you'll only be patient, your majesty." "I will give you Wendell's kingdom on a plate." " But I'm hungry now." " Moron!" "Mirror talk to me!" "Why haven't you found Wendell yet?" " He is with others." "But I cannot see them." " Who?" " Three travel with Wendell, one who can talk with him, and one who can hurt you." "They are traveling down the river towards us unknowingly." " Show me, show me." " I can not." " Wolf is with them." "Work on him." "Make him talk to me." " I get the night fever, night fever" "We know how to do it" "I get the night fever, night fever" "We know how to show it" "Here I am, waiting for this moment to last" "Livin' on the music so fine" " Their magic is useless to brothers Gibb, ha!" " Row faster!" " Shut up, Blue Bell, I've rowed all night!" " You shut up, Burly." " Ugh, Blue Bell, stop eating your head lice." " I wasn't chewing I was just keeping it under my tongue." " Stop talking, and row faster, Blabberwort, faster!" " Oh, looky look, look there." "A book!" "Women who love men," " Who hate women." "Ha!" "Nicey nice." " Wolf?" "You doing something about dinner or not?" " Ugh, yeah, uh-huh." "I'm making myself beautiful for Virginia" " Hello, Wolf." " Ah!" "Oh, oh, go away, leave me alone!" " You agreed to obey me." " No!" " Yes." "I control you." " No!" " Why can't I see your companions?" "What magic is going on?" " Magic?" "Well, I..." " ls there food or isn't there food?" " No, I wasn't talking to anybody." "I was making dinner." " Where is it?" "Well, you know what I found..." "Wha?" "Hey, fishy fishy fishy?" "Here is magic to behold" "All that glitters can be gold." "Hello?" " Ow, oh the finger of fortune." " Dad?" "You alright, I thought I heard a crash?" " Just cleaning up a little of this accidental glass breakage." " Did you put your finger in that fish?" " No, well technically, yes." "Don't worry about it, we're rich now, we're rich, we're our own bank." "I could, you know what," "I could turn this entire boat into gold." " Yes and then it would sink and we would all drown." " Good point." "OK, I'll wait, I'll wait until I find the right thing." "And then when I have this huge lump of gold, you'll be thanking me." "You will be thanking me!" "Oh yes!" " Get some bones." "Jaw bones, gnaw bones." "Must find some bones." "Mistress won't give me any bones." "Steal some bones." "Bury them under the sheets." "And chew them when she's gone to bed." "Must." "Find." "Bones." " Stand up." "Stand up properly." " I'm scared." " Of what?" " I'll fall over." "It's so high up here." "Can't I fall on floors?" " Do you know who you are?" " Can I have a biscuit?" " You are not a dog." "You are Prince Wendell, you are ruler of the Fourth Kingdom." " Prince Wendell loves biscuits." " Get dressed." "You have a whole life to learn." "Before you can be crowned king, you must be seen to demonstrate bravery, loyalty and intelligence." "What a challenge." " Oh no." " What's wrong?" " Uh, nothing, just a feeling." " Hey, hey, hey, it's Acorn's boat!" "It's moored right there, look." "Watch the finger!" "Right there, right there." " Anthony, something really strange is happening." "I feel, I feel, like I'm two people at the same time." " What?" " I have to go back to that castle." " What, what castle?" "It's an old ruin that castle, why go there?" "Let's go on to Acorn's boat." " No!" "I'm sure my human body is there." " Wait!" " Oh my god!" " Prince come back!" "Come back!" " What is wrong with him?" " Prince!" " Well, we can't go after him." " But..." " Let's just go find Acorn and get the mirror back, okay?" " Good idea, just let him go, let him go." " Alright, alright." " Faster!" "Row faster!" " I can't row any faster, my hands are bleeding." " My hands are bleeding!" " Oh suck an elf, Blue Bell!" " Both of you just shut up!" " Shut up, look, there's the ruined castle." "We should report to the queen." " Excellent idea, steer us over to the shore." " Acorn's been here all morning." "He left less than half hour ago." " With the rest of the stuff that was on the boat?" " Yep." " When's he coming back?" " He's not." "He swapped this lovely boat for my horse and carriage," "I reckon I got a great deal." " Well which way did he go?" " He said he'd use the road through the forest." "If you hurry you could catch him." " Good idea, good idea, let's go, let's go!" " No, but hold on a second." "What about Prince?" " He's off, he wants to be on his own." "See my heart is breaking, but let's follow the mirror." "Ton, you said so yourself, he's been nothing but a nuisance." " Yeah, I know, but I" " Look..." " it feels a little weird leaving him here," "I mean he must have run off for a reason." " You're going to lose that mirror." " Dad" " OK, wait wait, fifteen minutes alright, fifteen minutes." " While we're waiting to eat, try to keep your tongue inside your mouth, it's somewhat vulgar to have it hanging out all the time." " I'm starving." "Where's my bowl?" " You're going to have a lovely meal." " Ooo!" " Just as soon as you've learned to use a fork" "and a knife." "Until then you will starve." "Would you like something to drink your majesty?" " Bowl of water." " No, a glass of water." "A prince never drinks from a bowl." " Glass of water, please." " Is there anything else you require?" " Uh, my wooly ball." " No, we don't play ball at the table." " Your majesty, the three trolls have returned." " You practice using your fork and knife and I will return to test you in ten minutes." " Fork." "Knife." " I'm sure I'm here." "It must be me." "I can smell me." " You" " It's me!" " You." " It's me, I'm you!" " It's you." "It's me." " Yes, yes, good doggy." "Good doggy." " Four legs, please?" " Now, if you can just reach up and touch me we can change back." "Oh come on, you dumb dog, reach up!" "Dammit, I can't reach you." "Wait here." "You can't hear me, but I'm going to go for help." "Now don't worry, I'll be back in just a minute." "Don't move!" " Where is Prince Wendell?" " Ah, yes, Prince Wendell." " I sent you to get him." " A noble mission for any troll." " So where is he?" " You idiots!" " Ow!" " I've spoken with my mirror." "Prince Wendell is very near, he may even be in Rivertown by now." " Wow, that's a stroke of luck." " Go and find him!" "If you return again without the dog," "I will make you eat each other's hearts." " Oh, yuck." " Well that didn't go too badly considering." " Prince?" "Prince?" "Prince?" " Anthony!" " Prince!" " I found myself!" " Look out!" "Look out!" "Leave him alone, alright?" "He's just a dog, you cowards!" " Tony?" " Dad?" " Tony?" "Tony?" " Hey!" " Dad!" "Oh, thank God you're alright." "Did you find Prince?" " Uh" " Are you okay?" " I defeated the trolls." " Oh good." " That's the good news." " Excellent." "Is there any bad news, Ton?" " Do you think that boatman might have, a chisel?" " Dad, what exactly is the bad news?" " Well..." "I think he'll come apart from the others pretty easily." " Hunstman." " You summoned me, my lady." " Neither Wolf nor the trolls have captured the dog yet." "Someone is testing me." " Compared to you, they're nothing." " Why can't I see them in my mirrors?" "Somethings clouding my vision." "But, they are near." "They have left the river." "They're about to enter your forest." " I will find them." "Nothing escapes The Huntsman." " Every aspect of my life, I am guided to my highest happiness and fulfillment, every day in every way I am becoming a new and better man." "I am sensitive to the needs of women." "I am listening to my emotions, and I am one with myself." "And..." "Okay, I am full of peace and serenity, and I have control over all of my desires and," "and," "Tony!" "You're ruining the bacon, I can smell it burning!" "Bacon!" " I feel terrible." "Look at him!" "It was a simple magic fish spell gold finger mistake, Tony," "It was almost predictable." " But I've killed him." " Oh, things have a way of bouncing back here," "I wouldn't worry about him too much." " Really?" "You're not just saying that?" " I'm afraid I am just saying that." " What?" " Watch this simple Prince alertness test." "Come on, come on!" "Come on, fetch!" "Fetch!" " That's not funny." " It could get funnier if we keep on doing it." " Why are you two still sitting here?" "I told you to get packed up." " We're making sandwiches." " We're making sandwiches." " Look, the mirror is getting further away all the time, if we lose this trail now we're never going to get home." " Oh, but Virginia, breakfast is bacon, and nothing sets my nostrils twitching like bacon in the morning." "Little pigs parading up and down with their curly corkscrew tails!" "Ah!" "Bacon sizzling away on an iron frying pan!" "Ah!" "Basted, roasted, toasted, nibble it, chew it, bite right through it, wobble it, gobble it, wrap it round a couple of chickens and am I ravenous!" " Let's finish these on the move." " Wait, wait a minute, Virginia." "Virginia, wait, Virginia." "Virginia, what do you see?" " Um, a lot of trees." " No, you see nothing." "Look at everything that happened here last night while you slept." " Like what?" " You see that clearing?" " Yeah." " About midnight, a badger trotted across there." "And then two hours later, a mother fox took the path, but our presence spooked her so she went back into the trees." "Then a half an hour after that, another fox appeared, male this time, young and out courting, I reckon he got his porridge because I didn't see him come back." "Or, or over there." "You see over there?" "Where the undergrowth is disturbed?" "A noisy little wild boar was snuffling about," "I can't believe he didn't wake you up." "Oh, oh, oh, and right in front of you, you see the passage of the mole, or over there, a stag and a doe watched the sun come up with me, and that's not to mention" "the all night rabbit party, or the weasels or the pheasants, or that, that owl." "And you saw nothing." " I stand corrected." " You most certainly do." " Great can we go?" " Oh Tony?" " I am but poor old lady, spare me some food." " Sorry, we're down to our last six bacon sandwiches." " Good sir" " I only give to registered charities." " Young lady?" "Spare me some food, please?" " I'll give you what I have." " Virginia!" "You're such a soft touch." " Yeah, soft touch." " Hey!" " Since you have been kind I have a lesson, for all of you!" "Take this stick." "Break it." "And this one." "Put these three together." "Now, try to break them." " I can't." " That is the lesson." " Good lesson." " Oh wow." "I think maybe that was only worth one sandwich." " When the students are ready, the teacher appears." " You didn't go to my school." " Um, excuse me, miss?" "Did you happen to see a dwarf driving a cart?" " Very early this morning, he took the main road through the forest, but you must not." "You must leave the path." " Wait!" "The road's the only safe thing in the whole forest." " Not for you." "Someone is following you." "They intend to kill you." " Ah" " Whoa, wait, what is this intent to kill?" " There's a man who controls this forest, The Huntsman." "I've heard he serves the queen." "But he certainly wouldn't expect us to leave the only road and go into the forest itself." " Why not?" " Because only a fool would go into the disenchanted forest." " Well let's not." " Okay, from now on, I will lead." "You step where I step." " Wait, I" " Is it just me or do you hear moaning?" " I hear moaning." " I hear lots of things, the forest is magical." " Oh no" " Cripes, what is this place?" "Do you actually know where we're going?" " I'm following my nose." " Who is this huntsman?" "Ah!" "We can't walk all night." " Yes we can." " Whoa, shh." "Do you hear something?" " Gypsies." " What do we do now?" " Come!" "Join us of course." " Poachers." "They'll kill us if they so choose." "Do not refuse anything they offer, but do not consume anything that you haven't already seen them eat first." " It's like having dinner at your grandmother's house." " I think we should sit down." " This is the best hedgehog I've had in weeks!" " Now it's your turn, stranger." " Oh, well, no, I don't actually play." " Then sing us a song." " Not a singer." " Tony, sing!" "Let's not insult our hosts." " I, I can't think of any songs." " Is our hospitality not worth a song?" " I don't, I can't." "Sure." "Um." " That was good, Dad." " Hey, well, I" " Set me free!" "Set us free!" "Please, set us free." "We're just little victims." " Magic birds." "Very rare, very hard to catch." "Only the gypsies know how to catch them." " Little victims, you understand that" "Little victims." " What will happen to them?" " They'll have their wings broken, be sold to rich people." " We won't will we?" "That's awful." " See some people, they eat them, believing that they absorb their magic." " They don't do they?" "That's terrible." "I have six little babies waiting to be fed." "They're starving to death without me." " That's awful." "Set us free!" "Please set us free." " Is he real gold?" " What?" "No, no." "No, no, no, no, oh please don't." "No, no it's just gold paint." "I bought a couple, a pair, to put a the end of my driveway." " Set up a table." "I see great wealth coming to you." " Yeah, that's what I like to hear." " And passings, straight through." " That was the, bean I had." "And what about the future?" " I find The Fool" " Uh-huh, and that card?" "What's that card?" " The Fool's friend, the Oaf." "He is joined by the Buffoon and the Village Idiot." " Well, uh" " I will read the girl." " No thanks." " You are full of anger." "You conceal much about yourself." "I need a lock of your hair." "You have a great destiny which stretches way back in time." " I'm just a waitress so I don't think there's any prizes so far." " You have never forgiven your mother for leaving you." " As I said, I'm not really interested in having my fortune read." " Love and romance, please." "Marriage, children, how long is it going to take for the creamy girl of my dreams to say yes, that sort of thing." " I see death." "Young girl dead." "Torn to pieces." " No!" "No." "See, I was thinking more along the lines of three girls and two boys?" " I see a fire being built." " Uh-oh." " You are going to be burned on it." " No!" "No." " You are not what you seem." "You are a wolf." " And so is your grandson." " You must stay with us tonight." "Friends must stay together in the dangerous forest." " Yeah." " Please set us free!" " Set us free set us free set us free" " Set me free!" " Please set us free." " Set us free!" "Set us free!" " Please set us free!" " Set me free!" " Please set us free!" " Set me free!" " Please set us free!" " Please set me free!" " What the hell is she doing?" " Set me free!" " Virginia!" " Don't don't!" " Come on!" " Go, go go, let's get out of here." "We gotta go!" "Go go!" " After them!" "Quick!" " Virginia?" " Ah!" " Come back!" "Come back!" " I don't understand, the old woman called off the hunt." " Maybe we just got lucky, okay?" "Let's just get going, the sooner we get out of this forest the better." "Help me get Prince up on the path." " Oh, can't we just bury him?" "We can always come back sometime in the future." " I'm not going to leave him, alright?" "I got him into this mess, I'm going to get him out." " I wish I knew why they gave up so easily." "That's not like gypsies at all." " Stretch it, twist it, make it grow" "Like a river, make it flow, make it pull and pinch and tweak make it grow until she grows weak make her moan and scream and cry make her wish that she would die!" " All poachers will be killed by order of The Huntsman." "He's here!" "He's here!" " He's over there, I saw something move." " What?" "What are you looking at?" " Um, your hair, it looks, well, different." " Oh yeah, that's because I went to the beautician last night." " No, it's not that." "It's grown." " Grown?" " So it has." " Oh my God." "Oh my God, it is longer." "That's so weird." "What's happening?" " The gypsies." "Of course they had some of your hair." "The gypsies have cursed you!" " Cursed me?" "What do you mean cursed?" "What am I supposed to do?" " Um, braid it?" " Ow, stop it!" "You're jerking it!" " I'm sorry, it's not that easy." "You've got a lot of split ends." " Ugh!" " How long is it now?" " Oh, don't ask." " Where are we going?" " Ow!" " Wait, wait wait." " This is crazy, we can't keep going, we've got to stop somewhere." " Well where are we going to find shelter in the middle of the forest?" " I don't know" " Look!" " Anyone home?" " It's okay, no one's been here for a long time." " Hey, hey come look at this." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" " This is Snow White's cottage." "Goodness, gracious me, this is the Seven Dwarves' house!" "It's been lost for a very long time." " Those beds are so tiny." " See this is a great piece of our history." "It's a pity Prince is a stiff, this is his grandma's cottage!" "Gripes!" "We really shouldn't have a fire if someone's following us." " I don't care, I'm not going to bed with wet hair." " You know, here's a question I never thought I'd be asking." "What happened to Snow White after she married the prince?" " She became a great queen." "One of the five women who changed history." " Five women?" " Snow White, Cinderella, Queen Riding Hood," "Grettel the Great, and the Lady Rapunzel." "They formed the first five kingdoms, brought peace to all the lands." "But they're all dead now." "Some say Cinderella's still alive, but no one's seen her in public in nearly 40 years." "She would be nearly 200 years old." "The days of "happy ever after" are gone." "These are dark times." " What'd you say to that boy in the gypsy camp?" " Nothing much, just wolf stuff." " What's wolf stuff?" " Oh, I didn't need to say anything to him," "I was just with him." "He had never seen another wolf and he was scared." "It's a lonely path in life to be different, as you know." "Where's your mom?" " I have no idea." "She walked out on us when I was seven." " Sad to be left when you're so little." " I very rarely think about it to be honest with you." "She's never really been a part of my life." " What happened?" " She just left home." "Wouldn't you if you were married to my dad?" "They're just totally different people." "You've met my grandmother, right?" "My mother was like that." "It was a complete mismatch, they never should have gotten married to begin with." "Anyway, it was a long time ago." " Well where is she now?" " I haven't a clue." "And I couldn't care less, really." " Don't you wonder what she's like?" " She could have gotten back in touch with me, but she didn't." "And that's fine, you know, I mean she doesn't want me, I'm not going to waste my energy thinking about her." " Oh." " Oh what?" " Oh." "Just oh." "Oh." "As in, an encouraging, noncommittal noise." "Try not to comment as you listen, as my very good self-help books tell me." "You must do something magnificent with your life." " Oh yeah?" "Why?" " Because your hurt is very great." " They just split up okay?" "God!" "Doesn't that ever happen where you come from?" " Of course not." "We either live happily ever after, or we get killed by horrible curses." "You don't trust nobody." " I don't trust you, no." " Well, you may not get hurt, but huff puff, you won't get loved either." " My God." "Oh my God!" " What?" "What?" "Goodness me!" "Cripes!" " It's everywhere!" "What am I going to do?" " Tony?" "Tony?" "Virginia, it's..." " It's growing up the stairs!" " You know what, it's no good." "Nothing cuts through this." " Well what if it never stops growing?" "I'm going to die of long hair!" " No, no" " Don't despair." "Because you saved my life," "I will tell you how to cut your hair." " Oh please!" " Deep in the forest there is a Woodsman with a magic ax, that when swung, never fails to cut whatever it hits." "And it will cut your hair and kill the curse." " Okay, we better get moving before" "Virginia's hair gets too long." " Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, these apples look good though, huh?" " No Tony!" "No, what are you doing?" "Don't eat that apple!" " Hey, hey, hey, why not?" " Think about where you are," "Snow White's cottage." " Yeah?" " That apple tree has probably grown from the pips of the apple that poisoned her!" " Ugh, is nothing safe around this crazy place?" " Come along, we have much to do if we're going to keep up with the mirror." " Okay, you got the hair, I got the dog." "Just be careful, you got this trip here," " No kidding?" "It's tripping." " You know, I didn't curse you." " Oh, oh, oh, I got a scent." "I'm sure it's The Huntsman, he's near." "We must move faster." " Hello?" "I can't go any faster!" " Virginia this man is going to catch us within an hour" " Alright, alright alright what are we going to do?" " I'll hide you." "This Hunstman is very good, but he follows tracks he cannot smell things like an animal." "I lead him in a big circle and then come back for you tomorrow." " What?" " Now hurry!" "Let's start with Prince." "That's the best I can do." "Are you okay?" "Now, don't breathe." "Okay." "Don't breathe at all until I return, okay?" "Okay, good." " Virginia get out, come on run run!" "Hurry, follow me!" "Run!" "Run!" "Virginia!" " Ow!" " Virginia?" "Virginia?" " Ow!" "Stop it, you're hurting me!" "Let go!" "Let go of me right now!" "Ow!" " Ah!" " What happened?" " He's got Virginia, that's what happened." " No!" " Yes." " We'll never find her!" " What?" " It's all my fault." "Oh, it's all my fault!" " Oh Anthony, this is the most terrible mess." "Look at that, "Wendell's Disgrace."" "They're cancelling my coronation and all you're worried about is finding 5,000 Wendells to get your stupid mirror back!" " How many have we got all together?" " Exactly 30 Gold Wendells." "How are we gonna change 30 coins into 5,000 by tomorrow morning?" " Give them to me." "Come on, come on, come on." "Come on!" "I've got an idea, come on." " I hope this is going to get my coronation back on again." " Trust me, trust me." "This is one of my best ideas." "Oh, here here here." "This is the place." " May I remind you that all your ideas have so far resulted in total failure?" " All right, look." "Here here here." "We've got 10 coins apiece, all right?" "Now one of us has to win a fortune by daybreak." "Here, there there." " Thank you!" "And I made something for Prince." " Oh no no, tell her I refuse." "It's so humiliating!" " He says he loves it." " Every little bit helps." " We found him like this five minutes ago." "Now he won't come down." " Keep away from me, or I'll jump!" "I'll just jump and then you'll be sorry." "Ha-ha!" "That'll spoil your plans." " Is there something you wanted to get off your chest?" " I refuse to be a man." "I won't do it any longer." "I insist on being a dog." " Well, any particular reason?" " Well how can I stroke myself?" " Ah." " How can I miss myself like I miss my master?" "I demand to be a happy puppy!" " Well, you've certainly made your point." "Now please, allow me to make mine." "There are no masters here!" "And only one mistress." "Don't forget that, doggy." "I've booked you a riding lesson." " Oh, dear." " Place your bets, please." " Excuse me, miss." "What's the highest return possible on one gold Wendell bet?" " Well sir, you want to bet on the Grand Jackrabbit Jackpot." "10,000 to 1 odds." " Oh, yeah." " But it's only ever been won once." " No!" "That's the game for me." " I'll raise you 20." " I sneer at your 20." "Raise you 50!" " Place your bets." " Place your bets." "Wolf will win the jackpot and then Virginia will love him even more!" "But if Wolf wins, then Virginia gets the mirror... and then Virginia goes home!" "Oh, cripes!" " 160." "Bad luck, sir." " Thank you." "Tickety-boo, another." " Call it." " Have you got Mr. Bun the Bakerman?" "Read 'em and weep, oh poor baby!" "Look at my happy families!" " Dogs don't like horses." " But Princes do." "Up you get." "Come on, up you get!" "There we go." "That's it, nicely." "Take it easy now." "Up you get!" "Off you go." "There we are." "There we are." "The horse isn't going to move unless you give him a command!" "Hit him." "Ta!" " Help me!" "Somebody help me, please!" "Stop horsey, slow down!" " Your majesty, the prince has escaped!" " It's gone wrong." "It's all gone wrong." "All my great plan." " Come to me." "Come to me, and your mind will clear." " Your majesty." "I crave your guidance." "The Troll King is out of control." "The dog is still missing and the prince has escaped." "Please, I need your help." " Kill the Troll King." " But how?" "He is so strong." "He has an army to protect him." " How did I kill Snow White?" "The old ways are the best." " Whoa!" " Mom!" "Mom!" "Mom, mom!" " What is it?" " Come and see, Mom." " See what?" " There's a man." " What do you mean there's a man?" "Fault of the forrest!" "It's his Royal Highness!" " I've never seen anyone as happy to lose as you, sir." " Well have you ever been in love, miss?" " Just the once sir, to a knight." "But he was married." " Too bad." " Oh my goodness." "You won the Jackrabbit Jackpot!" " Oh no!" " Congratulations, sir." "10,000 gold coins." "If you'd like to go to the cash desk, you can pick up your winnings." " Stop pressuring me!" " That's it, I've lost everything." "How are you doing?" " I, well, you know." "How are you doing?" " I just said, I lost everything!" " Yeah, yeah." "Right, me too." "Let's get some fresh air." "Lovely balcony this." "Fresh air out here." " I'm never gonna be able to get home." "I'm gonna be stuck here for the rest of my life." "I should feel terrible." "Is it this place or..." " Oh, Virginia I can't conceal it from you any longer!" "Something has just happened to me." " Me too." " I just... yes?" " Tell me it's just this town." " Well, it is a magic love town." "And flowers only grow where there are seeds." "Fireworks only happen when there's stuff in the rockets already." " Maybe there is destiny." " There most certainly is." " Maybe I really am supposed to be with you." " Oh, you most certainly are." " We should see how dad's getting on." " Place your bets please." " And Mrs. Bone, the Butcher's wife makes another complete set." " Well done, Dad." " Oh hey, yeah." "I'm up over 600 here." " Oh, 600?" " Yeah but that's not enough." "I mean, I'm not gonna break the bank playing Happy Families." "I've gotta get over to the high roller table." " Yeah what are they playing over there?" " I don't know, I don't care." "Well I mean, there's no card game that scares me, all right?" "Do you remember, we spent that week in Vegas in '93?" " Oh yeah, when we had to sell the car?" " Uh no, it was the year before that." "Do me a favor, get me a bucket for these chips over there." "They're right over there." " Excuse me, sir." "We're still waiting for you to collect your winnings!" " Shh!" "Shh!" "Yes, okay okay." " They say money doesn't bring you happiness but it certainly brings a smile to my face!" " Oh, dear." "I wish I could say the same." " 10,000 Gold Wendells." "Would you like to check it, sir?" " No thanks, bye." " Bravo!" " Shh!" "Stop!" "Stop clapping." " Wolf." "Speak to me." " She's back." " I know you're there." "Why is it I can see you and never your companions?" "Who is it that protects them?" " I don't know nothing." " Has this girl got you under her thumb?" "That's pathetic." "If you killed her when I told you, all this would be over." " Go away." "Shoo!" " This game is nearly played out, and you are part of my plan." "You always have been." " No." "Don't." "I'm not listening to you!" "Never!" " I know your destiny." "You ask a question and I reveal its answer." " Who are you?" " What am I gonna do?" "What am I gonna do?" "What am I gonna do?" "I'll give her the money, even if it means I will lose her." "It's the only honorable thing to do." "Yes!" "Then she could go home safely and the Queen will not get to her." "Of course, you're gonna have to kill yourself the moment she's gone." "Your life won't be worth living!" "Won't it?" "Of course not." "Wait a minute though, she may be leaving but that's no reason not to go for it anyway." "Propose marriage!" "Give her enough money to buy the mirror but spend the rest on presents for a marriage proposal!" "Good idea." "That is all fair." "Then she has a choice, home or me!" "Thanks!" "Don't mention it." " Snap!" "Yeah." " The stake is increasing to 500 gold Wendells a hand." " Too heavy for me." " Bye-bye now." "Come back real soon when you got more money, okay?" " Is this the best restaurant in town?" " Do you know what time it is?" "Go away." " No, I wish to make a reservation." "I need the entire restaurant, it's for a marriage proposal." "Oh!" "Now, you're gonna have to start work immediately!" "The dishes I have in mind will need obsessive attention!" "And a great deal of marinading and preparing." "Now, I want romantic food!" "Food that will sweep her off her feet but also glue her to her seat." "I want her to feel as if she's had a meal that has changed her life!" "This must be the finest meal ever cooked." " I am the greatest chef in the nine kingdoms." "Folks travel hundreds of miles to eat my food." " Yeah well my date's from a different dimension so don't slip up." " Wait a minute!" "There's 13 main courses!" " Too much?" " Oh, not if you're really hungry I guess." "How many are the guests?" " Just the two of us." " Two?" "I thought you were gonna say 20!" "This is far too much food for two people!" " Oh, you're right!" "Skip the soup." " I have found him." " Yes, I know the place." "It's about 30 miles from here." "Things are looking up." "Now, give me the Troll King." " He will not speak to us." " Tell him his children are dead." " Dead?" "Dead?" " They are dead unless you agree to meet me for talks." " You evil pig!" " Meet me at the Merry Pips apple orchid." "Come alone and unarmed or I will slit their throats." " Snap!" " Still have tons and tons of money left!" "I'll give the rest to Virginia and then she can still buy the mirror!" "Cripes!" "You fool!" "I almost forgot the most important thing." "Oh." "Excuse me." "I would like to buy..." " Just one moment please, sir." "Morning duties." " Well I'm in a real hurry, I need to buy..." " If you please, sir." "Won't keep you." " Okay." "Oh, I like that one." "Oh!" "That's a nice one." " Now sir, was there something I..." " I have money!" " Very good morning to you, sir." "How may I serve you?" " I need an engagement ring, and not just any ordinary ring." " We don't sell ordinary rings, sir." " Oh." " Tell me a little about the lady." "Is she, um, a big girl?" " No." "Succulently slender." "Lean." " Plain or pretty?" " She's gorgeous." "Are you trying to insult me?" " Almost assuredly not, sir." "I am simply trying to fit the ring to the lady." "Some rings might overwhelm a lady." " Well no ring is more beautiful than my Virginia." " Oh, sir." "How romantic." "She sounds like a girl in a million." " Ten million." "100 million!" " Then, I shouldn't insult you by showing you these, everyday gold and diamond engagement rings." " Good and diamond, heh." " Or even these, handmade by royal dwarfs." " Royal dwarfs." " Feast your eyes instead, on these." " Choose me!" "Choose me!" " I don't wish to be indelicate sir, but these rings are disgracefully expensive." " Oh, well, money is no object." " You're my kind of gentleman, sir." " Those were very nice!" " Oh no no, sir." "I have something unique in mind for you." " Oh." " It is a singing ring, sir." " Huff puff." "A singing ring." "I have to have it!" " The lady who slips this on her finger will have no choice, she will simply say," ""I do!"" " Are you sure?" " No singing ring has ever received a rejection." " Ever?" " Comes with a lifetime love guarantee." " I'll take it!" " It's yours, for the sum of 7,000 gold Wendells." " 7,000?" "Oh!" "7,000!" " Is there a problem, sir?" "There are more modest rings for less important ladies." " No!" "No no." "I'll take it!" " One more for the pot, dearie." " We've won over 4,000 we can stop now." " Are we sure 4,000 will be enough?" "It may not be enough." "One more for the whole thing." " No no no no no!" "What are you doing?" "You have been playing all night, you're too tired!" " No no." "One more for the whole shebang." "Listen, I can take her." " Oh, this is going to be the happiest day of my life!" " Shh, Shh, Shh." "You'll spoil the surprise!" "Be quiet!" " Wrapped around my" "Oh, goodness!" "Oh dear." "Oh dear." "Oh, I hope Tony's done well." " Where have you been?" " I just popped out for a walk." "How's he doing?" " Snap!" " Sorry dearie, better luck next time." "Well, you certainly have been lucky for me." "So, a deal's a deal." "I expect you want a biscuit, more than you want this money though." " Prince!" " Royal always excel at gambling." "What are you looking at?" "Haven't we be better going to the auction?" " Oh, the auction!" "The auction!" " And that brings us to lot seven." "A mystery mirror that has been dated early Cinderellan with potential magic qualities." "Who can start the bidding for this extraordinary piece?" "100." "200." " Emergency!" "Emergency!" "Coming through!" "Excuse us, excuse us." "Sorry, sorry." "Oh!" "Whoa!" " Sliced him for his money." " Move it along!" "Just a dead elf." "Go home, the wings ain't flapping anymore." " For the final time, I am bid 3,800 gold pieces." "Any advance?" "Going once." "Going twice." " Wait, 5,000!" " 5,000?" " Yes." " Will anyone increase on 5,000 gold Wendells?" "5,000." "Going once." "Going twice." " 10,000." " Oh my god, it's him!" " Oh god, how did he get 10,000?" " Any advance on 10,000?" "Sold to the gentleman with the pipe." "Your name, sir?" " Mr. Hunter." "I'll pay immediately." " He's got the elf's cane." "That's how he got the money, he killed the elf!" " Well come on, we can't just stand around!" " That brings us to the next item in the auction which is..." " Only purchasers allowed in here." " 22 carat gold, entitled Frozen Rage." " Why are we here so early, your majesty?" "We're not meeting the Queen for another hour." " Shut up!" "When she arrives she must only see me unarmed or she will not advance, do you understand?" " Yes, your majesty." " There's no need to gnaw on bones, your highness." "We've got lovely food in the larder." " Marrow bone." "Mm." " Your highness might find this a bit, presumptuous-like but could we say our siders by royal appointment now?" "Oh my god!" "It's like a bedtime story!" "First of all we've got Prince Charming, and now we've got..." " Do be quiet, please." "You seem like a nice family." "What has the prince told you?" " He's told us everything, all about really being a dog and everything, it's amazing!" " Oh dear." "That really was the wrong answer." " I am alone, and unarmed." " As am I." " I have done what you've asked." "Now where are my children?" " To be quite honest, I have no idea." "I simply used them as an excuse to get you to meet me." " Then I will kill you." " Don't you wish to know my great plan first?" " I have known of your plan all along." "To put the impostor prince on the throne and rule the 4th Kingdom yourself." " Do you think I spend seven years rotting in jail just to rule one of the nine kingdoms?" "I intend to have them all." " But where will I fit in?" " Yes, I see what you mean." " I have heard enough!" "Trolls." "Arise!" "You didn't expect that, did you?" "My men have been hiding for the last hour." " I'm impressed at your foresight and had you arrived two hours earlier, you would have found me... poisoning the apples." "Poison is something of a science with me and I seemed to have timed it just right." "You know what they say, Relish." ""An army marches on its stomach."" " Are you going to beat me?" " No." "I'm going to take you home." " Oh, excellent." "Is this breakfast?" " Not unless your enjoy troll head." "Drive on!" " I don't understand it, he just vanished!" " And what is your plan now, Anthony?" " Get drunk." "Barman, bottle of beer, saucer of beer for my friend." " We only serve cocktails, sir." "Cupid's first blush, some enchanted evening, a long slow spell against the wall." " Hello, boys!" "Has anyone seen Virginia?" " She'll be down in a few minutes." " A few minutes." " Anthony, listen to me." "On no condition allow this wolf alone with your daughter tonight." " Why not?" " You need to ask?" "Think where you are." "The love capital of the kingdoms." "She will come back completely disheveled." " Boy, I'm ravenous!" "I've been fasting all day." "I could eat a regiment of horses." " You know..." "I need to have a few words with you." " About what, Ton'?" " I think you know what I'm worried about." " Is it your hair?" "I know it's falling out!" " Not my hair, my daughter!" " Your daughter?" " Yes, I need to know if your... intentions are honorable." " No, not really." " No?" " Well I can't deny it." "I mean, they're bordering, hovering, teetering on the dishonorable." " He'll have her on her back before you can say," ""Happy ever-after."" " All right now you look here." "Virginia is a very vulnerable girl and she's a very..." " Virginia!" "Hi, you look so beautiful!" "Oh, are you ready?" " You know, Wolf?" "I don't feel like going." " Oh, no!" "No!" "It's all planned!" " It's just, I'm not hungry." " Oh, no!" "I've gone to a lot of trouble creating this spontaneous evening." " Well... okay, we won't be long." " Oh, don't worry, Tony." "Your daughter's safe in my hands." " You're kissing that girl's virginity goodbye," "Anthony." " Wolf..." "Oh my god." " Shh shh shh." "You'll spoil the surprise." " Who are you talking to?" " Nobody." "To the restaurant, driver!" "And drive as romantically as you can." " Where's that music coming from?" " Do you like it?" "It's a tune, I had it especially composed for you, it's called "A time for commitment."" " I had a perfectly good business..." "I just expanded too soon." "Then the recession hit me and well," "I just lost everything." "My business, my wife." "My self-respect." "Here's to Tony Lewis." "Biggest failure in all the 10 Kingdoms!" " No Anthony, my failure is much worse than yours." "This has been a test of kinghood and I have failed dismally." " Oh, come on." "You know, it's not your fault you got turned into a dog." "That could happen to anybody!" " Anthony, I'm starting to forget things." "Like my parents' names and great big chunks of my life, it's it's like, it's like someone's stealing my life from me." "Message for you, sir." " "Take the dog and tie him to the post in the" ""centre of the town square." ""If you have not done this in 15 minutes, I will smash" ""the mirror into 100,000 pieces."" "Where did you get this from?" " It was given to the doorman, sir." " It's the huntsman!" "How did he know we were here?" "Where, what are we gonna do now?" " Oh, without a doubt." "You are the most quirky girl in the whole of the Nine Kingdoms." " I bet you say that to all your girlfriends." " You are my first girlfriend." " What?" "No, first as in, first ever?" " Well, yes!" "A wolf mates for life." "Am I not your first boyfriend?" "No, god, I've been out with loads of guys." " Oh." " Oh but, nothing serious." "I have a hard time trusting people." "I just never wanna jump unless..." "I'm sure somebody's gonna catch me." " Oh, I'll catch you." "And if I miss for any reason, I'll sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health." " Cripes." " Cripes." " You know what?" "No." "I just can't let you do this." "I mean, what if he puts an arrow through both of us?" "We could be walking right into a trap." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "The square." "He's gonna wanna be able to see me leaving you in the square." " So?" " So he'd want a clear view." "Which means he's probably watching from somewhere..." " Somewhere high!" " Yeah, somewhere where he could..." " That tower!" " That's it." "That's where he is." "That's where the mirror will be." "Don't look up." "Don't look up, just um... pretend to struggle, come on." " Oh my god!" "What an incredible evening." "Thank you." "Thank you." "This is gonna cost an absolute fortune!" " I have a present for you." "A very special present." " Oh!" " Just do a loose knot, I'll be faster than him." " All right, where will you go?" "What if I don't see you again?" " Oh, you will." " All right." "Good luck, your majesty." " How have you paid for all of this?" " What?" " How have you paid for all of this?" " Um... oh, yes!" "I won the Jackrabbit Jackpot last night." " Last night?" " Mm-hm!" " You said you lost everything last night." " Did I?" "Um..." "Oh, well." "I did win, some." " You said you lost everything!" " I know but look what I bought you." " Outside, when you were telling me how much you loved me!" "You lied?" " Oh, no!" "Wait!" "Hey!" " How much did you win?" " Um..." "I don't really remember!" " How much?" " I don't know, it was around the, uh... around the 10,000 mark." " 10,000?" "10,000?" "We could have gotten the mirror back and you spend it on food?" " No, I didn't spend it on food!" "I spent it on you!" " We could have gone home!" "We could have gone home, don't you understand?" "I don't belong here!" "I wanna go home!" " No, you don't wanna go home!" "I have lots of things planned!" "I have, there's a gondola out back and there's fireworks and more fizzy stuff!" " You don't care about me, you just care about yourself!" " No no no, that's not true!" " I never wanna see you again!" " No Virginia, please don't go!" "Virginia!" " The Prince!" "He's back!" " The return of the Prince." "Happy ever-after." "Get your souvenir copy of the Kingdom Times." " Why was I ever stupid enough to think that a girl like her would fall for an animal like me?" " Here he comes!" "Here he comes!" "Here he comes!" " Prince Wendell!" " This can't be!" "That's a lie!" "I'm Prince Wendell!" " Gentlemen!" "The crisis is over!" "The kingdom is safe again!" " Oh!" " He's coming home!" "The coronation's back on!" " Now you see what I told you all along." "You are nothing, without me." "Will you come back to me?" "Will you turn back to me now?" " Yes." "Wellat leastthings can't get any worse." "You idiot!" "This mirror was our only way home!" " I can..." " Uh, Anthony?" " Not now." " I don't think she's very pleased with you." "Maybe you shouldn't have been up on the roof." "Oh, it feels like everything is going away." " It's your imagination." "Would you be careful not to cut yourself, please?" " Look!" "The mirror breaker!" " There he is!" "Mirror breaker!" " He's broken a magic mirror, that's seven years bad luck!" " What?" "Oh, come on people." "You don't believe that silly superstition, do you?" "Now you see?" "What you don't believe in can't hurt you." "Ow!" "Ow ow ow!" "Look at the size of this rock, it just... what are the chances of that?" " Mirror breaker, get out of town!" "We don't want your bad luck here!" " Get out of town!" " All right." "All right, all right." "This is no good." "We need the frame, there are too many pieces missing." "We've gotta go back!" " What's on the back?" " Wait a minute, don't." "Whoa whoa, don't mess up the pieces." "It took us hours to put these pieces together." "What are you doing?" " Look." " Well maybe it some kind of secret clue, all right?" "Look, look." "Man read by the war of Rag Mount." "It's maybe about a battle." " No, it's not a clue it's a maker's seal." "Man... here, see, "Manufactured"" "That's it, "Manufactured by the war..."" " Of um, Rag Mount..." "Mounty?" "Mounties?" " No no, that's an N. Mountain." ""Manufactured by the war of..."" " Uh it looks like that's a D, Drago." " No, it's more of a gap than that." "Dragon." ""Manufactured by the Dwarves of Dragon Mountain."" " Oh dear, Dragon Mountain." " Prince, you know where that is?" " Well yes, but I..." " He knows where it is." " Let's go!" " Before any bad luck happens." " Well you should know that it's a very long way from here." " You know what, too?" "We should go to that farm house to try to get some food before we go." " That's not gold." " It is." " It's fool's gold." " I got it at a knockdown price on account of it being the ugliest thing you've ever seen." "Where is that noise coming from?" " Ah!" " I don't think anybody's here." " No, I heard something." " Why don't we check around back?" "Oh no wait, somebody..." "Oh my god, they're back!" " Kill them!" " Go, go!" " Welcome back, your majesty!" "And congratulations." "We've been worried sick." " Thank goodness you are back, sir." "There's so much organizing to be done." "Lord Rupert has gone to collect your coronation gifts." "I don't recognize the footman, sir." "A new member of staff?" " I wish to go straight to my room." " Of course, your majesty." "You must be exhausted after your long journey!" " No, I need to urinate." "I must go straight away!" "Otherwise it's a leg-lifter." " Of course, can I have something sent up to your room?" " Um... yes!" "What do I usually have?" " Cocoa and a cheese sandwich, sir." " Do I?" " It's your favorite, your majesty!" " Then I'll have it, and um... send up a tray of juicy bones as well." " Away!" "We will tend to the horses." " I came to Dragon Mountain once before." "When I was a young pup, I mean, a young prince." "The entrance to the Dwarf Kingdom is somewhere up very high." "It's a very long throwaway but I can't really remember where, in fact," "I don't seem to remember anything at all these days." "I'm going more and more, well, doggy." " Ew, ugly looking dragon." " What is a questing permit?" " Well there's nothing here." " Well, it must be up the mountain some more." "Come on!" " I wish I could remember if the dragons are still alive." " Oh no, wait a minute!" "No no!" "No no no no!" " Anything important inside?" " Did you see that?" "Both of those straps broke exactly at the same time!" "What are the odds of that?" "Like a billion to one!" " Yeah, or maybe you just didn't tie it properly." " No, I tied it properly." "It's my bad luck." " Yeah." "Hey, I got the greatest luck of all getting to travel with you!" " You know... if you've got something to say, just say it." "Get it off your chest, anything's better than this sulking." " I'm not sulking!" " Young woman..." " I'm just wondering what you were doing on the roof of that building!" "How could you?" "With the mirror, our only hope!" " Are you still on about the mirror?" "It's gone!" "I said I'm sorry but it's done!" " You know, I spend my whole life looking after you." "You're alone for five minutes and look what happens!" " Excuse me, looking after me?" "Who raised you for 20 years?" "I had to work six days a week, do you ever think of that?" "No." "Just Virginia." "Me me me me me!" " Oh, I really hate you sometimes." " Well you know what?" "If it helps, go ahead." "Have a nice long hate, I'm used to it." " Okay." " This is a lot better than the other place, I'll tell you that for nothing." "Nobody helped me, I did it myself." "Well?" " Hello?" "Hello?" "Anyone there?" "Hey, come here, it's the Queen!" "Hey, your majesty, we're back!" " Alive and kicking!" " And madder than ever!" " I must say, I am most surprised to see you." " Your majesty, could you use one of your mirrors to contact our dad?" " Yeah, he'll be very worried about us." " You haven't heard the awful news then?" " We haven't heard anything." "We've been gold." " Your father has been murdered." " Who?" "Who did this?" " The girl, she poisoned him." "Swear that you will track her down!" " We swear it!" " Whoa whoa, where are you going?" "This is the path." " No, that goes down." "Sloping downwards?" "This is the way up." " That's not even a path, that's like for goats." "It goes back up around the hill I'm sure, right around the corner." " Prince, am I right?" " Anthony, I know this is highly irregular but would you mind giving me a cuddle, please?" " You see, I'm right." "This is the way!" " Fine." "You go your way, I'll go mine." " Well all right, fine, go!" "Don't blame me when the dragons get you!" "I'm not going that way!" " Okay!" " Because it's wrong!" " Oh, no." "Decisions." " You coming with me?" "You know this is right, don't you?" "How could she defy me like that?" "So obstinate." "Well you came with me because you know I was going in the right direction, right?" " Uh, no." " No?" "I only came with you because Virginia doesn't understand anything I say." " She doesn't understand me either." " The one time he had to be right." " Since when do wasps build nests halfway up a mountain?" "Of all the places I could put my hand." "Just, it's beyond belief, I'm telling you!" " Tony, I'm scared." "I'm losing my mind." " No." "You're not, all right?" "Just, give that a rest, please?" " No, I am." "Please." "You promised me a cuddle." "Yes." "Combined cuddle and stroke, please." "That's nice." "Oh no, Tony." "It's happening." "I'm going dog." "I'm going dog and there's no going back." "Oh..." "I'm so tired." "Always so, tried." "Sleepies." " Wish I was a dog." "Someone to take care of me, feed me." "So I wouldn't have to worry about anything." "That would be heaven." "Ah." " Oh, hi." "So you made it." " Yeah." "We've been here quite a while." " Really?" " Mm-hm." "About an hour." " Oh, I didn't know it was a race." " Oh, I didn't know that was a path." " There's more paw prints here." "They came this way!" " Da, da, dad's... d-d-dead!" " Well, look on the bright side." "No more beatings!" " Oh!" "We can fail totally without fear of punishment!" " Yeah!" "Haha." " Old bastard!" " Yeah, he can suck an Elf." " Wait!" "Wait!" "What are we saying?" "He was our dad!" "He took us hunting." " He, he gave us our first weapons." " He taught us how to keep a torture victim conscious!" "For hours!" " Oh, wait until we get a hold of that little witch!" "We'll tear her head off!" " Yeah!" " I think you're sitting on somebody." " What?" "Ew!" " "Here lies Ivan the Optimist."" " Do you think these people found the dragon or the dragon found them?" " Well these graves look really old, I don't think any more dragons are..." " God, this is insane." "We must have climbed about 1,000 feet." " We should think about staying here tonight." " What, in a graveyard?" "Wait a minute, really?" "Are you crazy?" " Oh, this was such a bad idea of mine to come all the way up here." "I am so sorry." "You miss that wolf, don't you?" "Well I'll tell you one thing, I think this might be the end for me because I don't think I'm gonna be able to stand seven years of bad luck." "I want you to know something though." "I'm really proud of you." "I mean, without you we wouldn't have gotten this far." " I'm cold, give me a hug." " Oh, come here." " Big bone." "Big bone." " Prince!" "Where did you get that, boy?" " Big bone." "Big bone." " Yeah, big bone, big bone." "Yes, biggest bone I've ever seen in my life." "Where'd you get it from?" " Follow me." " Well, we found the dragon." " He's not breathing any fire." " No, but look." "Look, it's guarding something." "It's an entrance!" "Prince!" "Oh!" " "Dwarf Mines."" " This must be where they make the mirrors." "Whoa." "Can't even see the bottom, I can't go down there." "Not with my luck." " I think it's the only way." " Whoa whoa, no no." "I don't think so!" " Oh come on, just get on behind me." "Look, if Dwarves can do it, it must be safe!" "Come on, Prince." " How does that follow?" "You know what, it could have a very low ceiling!" "You know, Virginia, it might not even be a slide at all." "It could be a dragon-feeding trough." " Oh, dear." " Come on, Dad, you can do it." "See, you made it." "Good job." " Great." " Attention!" "Attention!" "Comrades!" "This is a great day." "The time has come to, behold!" "The birth of the mirror!" "No one has made a truth mirror for over 500 years!" "Behold, Prince Wendell's coronation gift!" " See that, Prince?" "That's for you." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow ow!" " Do you realize the penalty for entering our secret mines, comrades?" " Is it a heavy fine?" " It is death." "This is our mountain." " You know what?" "And you can have it." "We're just trying to get back to the 4th Kingdom." " Yeah we didn't even know we were trespassing." " Ignorance is no excuse." "You have illegally entered the underground 9th Kingdom, and anyone who tries to steal our secrets, will die." " Secrets?" "No no no." "You can keep your secrets." "We actually need your help." " Right." "Right." "You see, there was a magic mirror recently." "Well, I had a little accident." " You?" "It was you?" "Do you realize what you have done?" "You have destroyed one of the great travelling mirrors." " We weren't even..." " Wait wait wait." "Did you just say "one" of the travelling mirrors?" " As in, there are others?" " You wish to smash the other two as well?" " No!" "No!" "No!" "We need them but where can we find them?" " You will find only death here." "Take them to the old shaft and throw them in." " No no no, look look look, wait!" " Wait!" "Look." "Look in the truth mirror." "Look!" "It's Prince Wendell." "Grandson of the greatest woman that's ever lived." " That's right!" "That's the guy." "And I am his indispensable translator." " What magic is this?" "Who are you strange travelers?" " We're, um, on a secret mission!" "To restore Prince Wendell to his original form." "I am a very important person." " Long have the stories been told of this day when a proud prince would stand before us on four legs!" " Yeah, well this is the day." " Oh!" "I've banged my sodding oafing head 200 times!" " Just be careful!" " I hate dwarves!" "First dwarf I see, I'll kebab him!" " If they see a troll, they'll be on you like a pack of hounds and they'll tear you limb from limb!" " Shut it!" "What are we, trolls or mice?" " We're trolls!" "Trolls afraid of nothing!" " Dwarves have mined in these caves for thousands of years." "In the early days, we suffered terrible losses because the caves were overrun with dragons." "You see, these caves contain quicksilver, which," "I'm sure you know male dragons are addicted to." "Ah!" "This is extremely quicksilver." "Ordinary quicksilver is much too slow for magic mirrors." "Most attempts to make a magic mirror fail completely." "They just reflect." "But sometimes, with the help of great dwarf experts." " Ow!" " You're not suffering from bad luck are you?" " We're looking for a travelling mirror to replace the one that was broken." " Yeah which we had nothing to do with." " Yeah." " Travelling mirrors." "I doubt if our records go that far back." "Yes." "Just as I thought." "There is one other slender chance." "Let's see if we can raise Gustav." "Come." "He's over there." "Gustav!" "You have a visitor." "You have to speak up, he's rather deaf." " Um, Gustav we need to ask you a question." " Hm?" " A question!" "About travelling mirrors!" " An answer only will I chime when questions put are asked in rhyme." " All early mirrors talk in verse." " Yes of course." " Where there any other travelling mirrors made, that could help us with our escapade?" " Escapade." " Three fine mirrors that were made, to make them, such a price was paid." " Right, right." "Where are the other two?" " Um, our mirror's smashed, what can we do?" "Where the hell are the other two?" " Mirror one shattered be, by an oaf called Anthony." "Mirror two is one a bed, with barnacles upon its head." " Bed." "With barnacles." " The seabed." " Yes, one fell into the great Northern Sea." "I think you can safely discount that one." " What you seek has not been seen, since it was stolen by the Queen." " The Queen?" "That's all we need." " Anthony!" "Any chance of a little biscuit?" " No no no, um... very helpful of you of, uh, be just tell us where we can find the Queen." " Near, she is but not alone, in a place that's not her home." "In a castle out of sight, where once the Queen was called Snow White." " It's Prince Wendell's castle." "Oh, I knew it." "I don't think..." " Murderers!" "You've murdered my mirrors!" "They are murderers, kill them!" "Kill them!" "Quick!" "Sound the alarm!" " What was that?" " We need to disappear." " Yeah, I know but, all right, come on go down here." "They won't follow us down here." "I'll be right behind you!" " Are you okay?" " No, I'm not okay!" "I don't know how much more of this I can take!" " You've gotta be more careful." " It's not my fault." "It's my bad luck." "How much worse is it gonna be now?" " Dad?" "Dad?" "Are you all right?" " Uh, I did something really bad." "Something cracked, I can't move." " All right, I'm gonna help you..." " Ah, no, no!" "I may have broken my back." " Okay." "Okay, um... well we're gonna have to find another way out of here." "We can't go back the way we came so, um." " I don't wanna die in here." " We're not gonna die, we're gonna find a way out of here!" " I can't help you, I can't move." " Well then I'm just gonna go on alone and I'm gonna find a way out and I'm gonna come back and get you." "Okay?" "Maybe Prince can smell out fresh air." " Too many tunnels, too many tunnels." "You won't find your way back." " I will find a way out and I will come back and get you, okay?" "I promise." "I'm gonna leave a trail of breadcrumbs." "So that I can find you." " Virginia." "Make sure you get yourself out." " I'm coming back." ""For seven men she gave her life." ""For one good man she was his wife." ""Beneath the ice by Snow White falls" ""there lies the fairest of them all."" " Virginia!" " Hello, Virginia." "You look tired." " Are you dead?" " Well, yes." "I think you'd have to say so." "I'm more into the fairy godmother occasional appearance sort of thing now." "But I still have influence over things and I have been protecting you in other ways." "Shielding your image from the mirrors of the Queen." "But soon, Virginia, you'll have to see and be seen." " I don't understand." " Hey!" "What do you think of my grandson, huh?" " I like him." " Yes, I think being a dog has been very good for him." " But he's losing his mind." " That is why you must now take charge." "He needs you to save his kingdom, we all do." " Me?" "No, I think you have the wrong person." " I have the right person." "I've been waiting for you, Virginia." "You see, my mother was a Queen and everyday she would sit by the window sewing, staring at the falling snow longing to have a baby girl." "And one day, she pricked her finger on a needle and onto the snow fell three drops of blood and she knew then that she would die giving birth to me." "My father was sad for a very long time, but he remarried eventually because he was lonely and my new mother brought no possessions to the castle except for her magic mirrors." "And everyday she would lock her bedroom door, she would take off all her clothes, and she would look in the mirror and say," ""Mirror mirror on the wall," ""who is the fairest of them all?"" "And the mirror would reply," ""My lady is the fairest of them all."" "And this would satisfy her for she knew that mirrors spoke the truth." "But I was growing older and by the time I was seven," "I was as pretty as you." "And one day when the Queen asked her mirror, the mirror replied," ""My lady Queen it's fair to see," ""that Snow White is fairer far than thee."" "And my stepmother called her huntsman and said," ""Take this child into the forest, I am sick" ""of the sight of her."" "Can you image that moment, Virginia?" "When you realize that you're so awful that your own mother wants you murdered?" "When the huntsman raised his knife, I fell to my knees and I begged him, "Let me live, please!" ""Let me live."" "And he put his knife away." "I was so terrified I ran straight into the darkness." "I ran until I was exhausted and then, right in front of me there was this little cottage." " Oh, the cottage we found!" " Yes of course, and when I went inside everything was the perfect size for me." "On the table there was set seven plates, and when I went upstairs there were seven beds all in a row." "I was so tired I fell fast asleep." "And when I woke up there were these men coming up the stairs and they had lamps, they were mining lamps swinging back and forth like fireflies in the night and I was frozen with fear and when they saw me they all said as one," ""What a lovely little girl."" "They told me that if I kept the house clean and I did the cooking and the washing and the sewing and the knitting and kept everything spotless, that I could stay and I would never wont for anything." "I told them about my stepmother and they became very paranoid about her." "They told me never to go into town and never to open the door to strangers." "Her mirrors found me eventually." "She dressed as an old peddler and climbed over the seven hills to my house." "Twice she came, once with a corset to crush my ribs and then with a poison comb to drug me." "But the last time she came, she brought the most beautiful basket of apples that I ever saw." "And this time she stayed to watch me die." "And to be sure, she held me in her arms until I died in front of her choking on a piece of poison apple." "And I often think," ""Why did I let her in?" ""Didn't I know she was bad?"" "I did." "Of course I did." "But I also knew, that I couldn't keep the door closed all my life just because it was dangerous, just because there was a chance that I might get hurt." " Tell me what all of this has to do with me." " Everything." "You're cold." "You're cold, Virginia." "How did you become so cold?" "You are still lost in the forest, but lonely lost girls like us can rescue themselves." "You are standing on the edge of greatness." " No I'm not." "I'm not, I'm nothing, I'm useless." " You will one day be like me." "You will be a great adviser to other lost girls." "Now... stand up." "Stand up." "This mirror will show you what you do and do not want to see." "Poison is the way the Queen will strike and the way she must be defeated." "You must find the poison comb she tried to kill me with." " But what can I do all by myself?" " Do not cling to what you know." "Do not think." "Become." " My light's going out." " Let your light go out." "Embrace the darkness." " No, but I can't find my way out in the dark!" " You may ask for one wish, and I will try and grant it but be sure to ask for the right thing." " Okay." "I wish..." "I wish that Dad's bad luck was over." "Oh, and that his back wasn't broken anymore!" " Strictly speaking, that's two wishes." "But it's done." "Your father is in great danger, you must go to him." " Okay but how do I find..." " Now." "Go to him now." "Immediately." " Oh, Virginia!" "I was just about to lose my mind!" "Just about given up all hope." " That was the right thing to do." "I move slowly, but I always get what I want." "Where's the dog called Prince?" "Where's the girl?" " Just go to hell." " I will not ask you again." " Go ahead, kill me, I don't even care anymore!" " You will tell me everything long before you die." " Get up and come with me." " Well I can't get up, my back is broken." " No it's not." " Hey!" "It does feel better." "Oh my god, how did that happen?" " I have found the most wonderful thing." " What?" "You found a way out?" " Better." " Better?" "Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that there's something better than the way out?" " Yes." " What?" "Oh, come on." " Look." " What?" " No, it... she was here." "It was..." " What?" "So did you find a way out?" " Yes." " Wait wait, what are you doing?" " Shh!" "Listen." "Can you hear that?" "We did it!" " I think..." "I think we're back in the 4th Kingdom." "Where did you get that?" " Mirror mirror in my hand, who is fairest in the land?" " It's Christine." " No." "No, it can't be." " What?" "It's her." "My god, that's your mother." " Someone is watching me." " It's Mom, that's Mom." "Wait!" " Someone is spying on me." " No no no, it can't be." "That was Mom." "She's here?" "How is that possible?" "I thought you said she was living in Miami?" " I didn't know where she was, I had to tell you something." "You were always asking me." " Why did you throw the mirror way, I mean..." " Well because if we can see her, it means, maybe she can see us." " And what?" "What do you think she's gonna do?" " I don't know!" " How did she get here?" " She's got the other mirror." " Which way?" " Hold on a second, hold on a second." "Prince?" "Where's the prince?" "Prince?" "Prince?" "Where are you, prince?" "Hey." "Is this still the right way to your castle?" " Right, um, I'll go and get a stick." " A stick?" "No." "Hold on a second here, big things are happening." "Your step mother is my wife, you understand that?" "The Queen." " Well, she was the kind of woman that everybody was drawn to." "I was just like everybody else, I was crazy about her." "I couldn't believe it when she said she'd marry me." "I knew she was sleeping with other guys, she wasn't even discreet about it." "And I know that you don't like hearing that kind of stuff because you just wanna hear how nice she was because she was your mother." "But the truth is that she walked out on us and probably never gave it a second thought." " Well, I don't believe that." " Argh, we're completely lost." " We've been walking round in circles for hours." " Yeah, yeah, shut up." " Oh, look, look." " I'm not dead yet." "You want some help?" "So do I." " Ah, help yourself." " Yeah, since when have you ever helped us?" " You won't find them on your own." " We might, you never know." " And if we fail, we fail as family." " Three trolls with the courage of one." " I can find them, I just can't catch them on my own." " What do you propose?" " A partnership." " She never wanted me..." " No, it was all my fault..." " I hear them right on the edge of the royal estate." " I don't remember the night she left, but I remember the morning after because you were trying to make me breakfast and you didn't know where anything was." " I had to call your grandmother over to look after you, because I had to go to work." "She kept saying, "Look, look, she's playing with her bear," ""she's gonna be fine."" "I noticed you had three bears, you'd taken one though, and shoved him in the corner." "And you said to him," ""Now, you're gonna have to stay there all alone."" " Well, I knew she'd come back because she'd left all her clothes, you know." "She loved her clothes more than anything in the world." "And I kept going into her room and checking on them." "And then after a few months you suddenly said that we had to get rid of them all, so, I remember folding them all very neatly, and I kept hoping that there was going be, you know, a secret note or something" "that would be written for me, you know, just to me, telling me that she loved me, and explaining the secret magical reason why she had to go, you know?" "I mean, I still have this uncontrollable urge to just go up to people and say, "My mother left me" ""when I was seven."" "You know, as if that would explain everything." "And I miss her." "And I hate her." "And I miss her." "And I feel like I was on a train and it crashed or something, and no one came and rescued me." "I always wanted my life to be a fairy story, you know?" "And now it is." "Dad." "Dad?" " Yargg arg!" " You are dead!" " Leave her to me." " Argh, what?" " It's your chance after the queen is finished with her." " Sir?" "Sir?" "Are you awake?" " Is it breakfast?" " You're not yourself, sir." "What is the matter?" "Sir, what is my name?" "Sir, I've known you all your life," "I even helped bring you into being, and you do not even know who I am, do you?" " Um..." "Oh." "I'm, just, I'm a dog, okay?" "I'm just a little dog, that's what I am." "I want to go home." "I want to stay on all fours." "Please, help me, old chap, I'm just a poor little dog." "I'm completely out of my depth here." " Magic." "I suspected as much." "I must get a message to..." " Get up from there." "Get dressed." "It's time to show our hand." " Dad, wake up." " What?" " The helmsman's asleep." "No one can see us, we can escape." " We've got the handcuffs on, our feet are tied." " Well, just jump off the back." "No one's gonna see us, come on." " Would you look at us?" "We can't." "Anyway, what about the prince?" "Go, go, go, master." " Look, just don't think about it, just do it." "Ready?" "One, two, three." "Ugh." " All right, so, was there a stage two to your escape plan?" " Starting today, no one is allowed to leave the castle unless instructed to do so by me and me alone." "If asked, you shall simply say that your master, the prince, has returned, and is well." "If I hear one rumor, one whisper, that anything is amiss," "I will kill your children in front of you." "Messengers will be sent today to every king, queen, emperor, and dignitary throughout the nine kingdoms inviting them to Prince Wendell's coronation ball." "The evening will proceed as planned with one tiny exception," "we are going to murder all the guests." " Well listen, here's what I don't understand, what's the point of escaping if we're just gonna straight into the castle?" " Look, it's a short cut." "It's quick." " You see that?" "Why do you think one route is 39 miles, and the other is 13 miles." " Well, maybe there's a scenic route, how should I know?" "Come on." " I don't think..." "It's gotta be longer because it's safer." "This looks, one has trees, and, but this is..." "Oh, well look at that, you think it's maybe it's going around something?" " Maybe it's just not suitable for carts." " Ah, oh look, it squished again." "Um, is it just me, or can you hear A Whiter Shade Of Pale?" " It's just you." " No, no, that's Procol Harum, that organ is unmistakable." "Listen, listen, listen." " No, that's an animal howling." " I don't think so." "What animal can skip the light fandango." "Well, you don't get lyrics like that any more." " You know, it's not too late to turn around and go back." " No, wait, let's just, we've this far, let's just continue on until at least the end of sign one." "Come on, you've gotta be able to hear that." " What are all these lights?" "They could be fireflies." "Ooh." "Who are you?" " Who are you?" " Everyone thinks they can handle the swamp." " But they all end up in the hands of the swamp witch." " Oh, great, the swamp witch?" " There are three things you mustn't do under any circumstances." "Don't drink the water." " Don't eat the magic mushrooms." " And whatever you do, don't fall asleep." " Okay, dad, why don't we just keep moving." " Oh, look, they're all chained up." " That can't be helping." "Would you like to be separated from each other?" " Oh, yes." " More than you can imagine." " All right then." " No, let let me." " No, it's my turn to be naughty." " Wait, what do you mean be naught..." "Well, that's better, you see, because we can just..." " Dad?" " We can..." "Virginia?" " Dad?" " Hey?" "When I said we wanted to be separated," "I didn't mean literally." "Virginia?" " Stay where you are or I'll shove you in my pot." " Oh my god, this old witch." " Who dares enter the domain of the swamp witch?" " Please don't hurt me, I'm just.." "Acorn?" " Oh, allo." " Hi." " Long time no see." " Yeah." " You, uh, still looking for your mirror?" " No, that one got smashed, we're looking for another one now." "You haven't seen my father walking around anywhere here have you?" "Oh, he might have been singing A Whiter Shade Of Pale." " Uh, no." "Come in, I was just making some soup." " Oh, thanks." "I really thought you were the swamp witch out there." " No, no, she's been dead for years." "This is a great place to lie low when you're on the run." "Nobody bothers you." " Well, who was the swamp witch then?" " Who was she?" "I thought everyone knew that." " No." " Well, you know the story of Snow White." " Yeah, from the horse's mouth actually." " What?" "The swamp witch was the wicked step-mother who tried to kill her." "Well, this is where she crawled to after they made her dance in the red-hot slippers." "She spent the rest of her life plotting revenge, but she was too weak to carry it out." "Then she found someone to do it for her." " Who was that?" " Well, swamp witch is buried in the basement." "Why don't you go down and ask her." "Maybe what you seek is down there." " What do you mean?" " Dunno really, I just always wanted to say it." "Personally, I wouldn't go down in that cellar for all the gold in the nine kingdoms." " My mother's been here, I know it." " Stop!" " Are you lost, my child?" "Are you lost?" "Let me show you the way." "Come to me." "Come with me and you will lose your pain." "Forever." "Look, I am dying, but my work is unfinished." "The house of Snow White survives." "You will do my work for me and I will give you all my power." " Poison is the way the queen will strike, and the way she must be defeated." "You will find your weapon in a grave." "Do not think." "Become." " You are nothing!" "She will crush you!" " Hey." "Anybody gonna eat these eggs?" "Got a frying pan here and everything?" " Straight ahead 300 yards, left at the rotting entrails, and you're out, 10, 15 minutes at the most." " Okay, I really can't leave without finding my father first though." " He's probably asleep on Mushroom Island." "Everyone ends up there." "You can't miss it." " Okay, thanks." " Even if you want to." " What good is an omelette with nothing to put in it?" " Pop in a couple of mushrooms like us, for instance." " Yeah, right, forget it guys, I'm not gonna eat you." " We weren't suggesting you should." "We were just trying to point out the tarragon growing over there." " Smells like the real thing." " It is the real thing." "It's one of the essential ingredients of a mushroom omelette." " I'm not gonna get caught that way." " Mushroom omelette, nice glass of Château Suau, little snooze." " All right, knock it off." " Well, at least have a drink." "You look parched." " I'm not gonna drink any swamp water." " I know it's not the clearest thing in the world, but it does pack a punch." "It'll take you right up the beanstalk and back." "You know what I'm saying?" " Dad?" "Dad." " Oh, hi." " Hi, thank god, I thought I'd never see you again." " Come on up, you want an omelette?" " You're not drinking the swamp water, are you?" " Of course not." " Let's get out of here, I can hardly keep my eyes open." " I know, me too, I'll tell you what, just come on up here, have a seat, nice little island, five minutes, that's all." " Okay, but we cannot fall asleep no matter what." " Oh, no, of course not." " It looks good." " That was fantastic." "Mmm." " Those mushrooms are far out." "Dad!" "What are you doing?" " What?" "What?" "Look who's talking!" " What?" " You've had three cups!" " Really?" "I've had three?" " Okay, you know, I'm gonna," "I need to lie down for a little while now, so it's really essential that you stay awake, okay?" "Then I'll be fine." " Virginia, wake up." "Wake up, Virginia." " Mommy!" "Mommy!" " It's all right, you were having a bad dream, that's all." " Tell me a story." " All right." "Once upon a time, there was a lovely little girl who lived on the edge of the forest." "Her mommy told her never to go into the forest, but do you know what she did?" " No." " Yes you do." "She ran into the forest and she met a monster and then she died." "And everyone forgot about her, and we all lived happily ever after." " Virginia, where are you?" "I need you." "Yeah, big Tony here." " Dad, hi, it's me." "Look, I just had to run away, but I left you a couple of pies, just pop them in the microwave, you can't go wrong." " Hold on a second, wait a minute, you can't run out on me, that's what your mother did." "Wait, wait, my princess." "I miss you." "Plus, I've got a seven-year-old son here." "You should be here taking care of him." " Oh, well, I'm glad you finally have a son now." "At least that should make you happy!" "Ugh!" " Wake up, wake up, or all is lost." " Aw, come on, I need an electrician here." "What's going on, hey, the lights." "Hey, come on, I'm not gonna sit here in the dark, turn these lights on, hey!" " Virginia." "Virginia." "Tony." "Tony, wake up, wake up." " Lights, all the lights are out..." " I should never have eaten the apple." " I almost died back there, what the hell?" " Oh, how did you find us?" " Oh, Virginia, I've been following you for a long time." " Oh my god." "Oh." "Where did you go after you left Kissing Town?" " Kissing Town..." "I went off for a while to think about things." "Picked up your trail a few days ago." " But how?" "We went through a mountain." " Virginia, I could follow your scent across time itself." " You seem different." " We're both different." " I didn't mean to chase you away." "You know it was just, everything was just happening so quickly, you know, and..." "I really do like you." "I like you a lot." "And I never..." "I never wanna hurt you." "I think I love you." " So long have I waited for you." "So many dull prison days." "In the summer, I could see the sunlight on my cell wall." "I longed for the summer to see the sun, yet every time it came, I knew I had lost another year of my life to you." "When all of this is over, I will put you in a little box until you curl up and die of despair." "Where was he caught?" " 15 miles from here." " So near." "What about the others?" " We killed them." " Liar!" "Idiot!" " We are extremely stupid, you majesty." " But we have the dog." " Fools." "The dog is not the threat to me." "The girl." "The girl is the threat." " Come on." "Come on, come on." "The journey's end, Wendell's Castle." " That's where the mirror is." " And that's how we're gonna get home." " Let's take a little rest before we go on, huh?" "I'll get some water, and one of you guys wanna get some wood?" " I'll go." " Yeah, I'll go with you." " Virginia, there's something I'd really like you to do for me," "I mean, with me." "And I think I deserve it, given my multiple savings of your life." " I know what you wanna do, and the answer's yes." " Oh cripes, oh I want you so much." " I know, I want you too." " All right, all right, all right, you run into the woods, and I'll cover my eyes." " Sorry?" " Into the trees, and I'll cover my eyes, and I'll count to 100." " Are you serious?" " Oh, yes." "Oh, I won't cheat." "I promise, I won't cheat." " That's not the point, I..." " All right, all right, all right, maybe I'll count a little quicker after 50, but I promise you'll get a proper count from me." " I am not playing hide and seek with you." " Come on, come on, come on." "One, two, three..." " No!" " Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, you better run, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15" "16, 17, 18, 19, 72, 73, 74," "98, 99, 100!" "Ahh!" "Coming!" " Oh, it's about time." "Where's the wood?" "For the fire?" " Oh, we couldn't find any." " Couldn't find any wood?" "In a forest?" " Hello, Tony." " You don't have any wood either." " Yes, thank you." " We're so lucky, a coronation only comes along once every 2,785 mouse generations." " But I don't think there's going to be a coronation," "I saw Prince Wendell lying under his bed." "He looked barking mad." " Oh no, that can't be right, he's probably just anxious about serving the right cheese." " They say that Cinderella's going to be here." " No?" "She must be 200 years old." " I heard she doesn't want to show her face because she doesn't want to spoil the memory of her beauty." " Uh oh, I thought as much." "Look!" " Mouse traps, make yourselves scarce." " Oh, oh, that's Old King Cole." "Oh, presents!" "They're all going to the castle for Wendell's coronation." "Oh, come on." " Whoa, let's just walk in there." " If I'm right, this is no longer Prince Wendell's castle, it's controlled by The Queen." "The guards may now be her eyes, we can trust no one." " Wolf, I have to tell you something." " What?" " The Queen..." " Yeah?" " Is my mother." " I knew that from the first moment I smelled you." " All right, so, what now?" " We'll wait here until dark before we try and enter the castle." " What do we do all day?" " Sleep." "We're exhausted." "Are we not?" " Definitely." " Did I miss something?" " Welcome to Prince Wendell's castle..." " Yes?" " The guards haven't seen them." "What do you want me to do if they don't show up?" " They'll show up." "They'll come in amongst the others when they think they are safe." "Signal to start the coronation ball." " Yes, my lady." " Look, look." "That looks promising." " Promising?" "What are you talking about?" " Swim under the grill, it's bound to surface somewhere in the castle." " Somewhere?" " Oh good, for a second there," "I didn't think you had a plan." " Follow me." " Wait a minute..." "Wolf!" "I'm not gonna go and dive under the water to hope we're gonna surface somewhere in the castle." " Wolf's not coming out, he must have found the way in." " Why does that follow?" "He could have just run out of air, and he could be drowned." "Virginia, don't, no, Virginia, Virginia!" "Wait!" "Oh." " Come on." "You can make it." "Come on, come on." " I thought I was gonna drown." " Come on, get up." "You all right?" " Where's dad?" " I don't know." " Come on, dad." " Passage was very thin at the top." " Just come on through." " Come on, come on, Tony." " I'm gonna have to go back..." " No, no, no, no, no." "No, no, come on Tony." " Dad?" " Okay, come on." " Are you okay?" " There you go," " All right." " I almost drowned in there." " Oh, don't exaggerate." "It's this way." " Okay, I need a towel." " Towels?" "We need weapons!" " Shh, Shh." "Doors, come on." " One door leads to safety, one door leads to a horrible death, ribbit." " I learned this in school, but I can never remember it." " You may ask one question." "Ribbit." "But I always lie." " Okay, okay, if we ask him which door is the safe door..." " Right, well then he'll lie, and say it's the other one." " Isn't it?" " Or is it the other way around?" " I dunno." " Time's up, man." " Wait a minute, I have a question." "What is the point in having a door that has a horrible death behind it, huh?" " Get your hands off me." " What does that achieve?" " What are you doing?" " What is the purpose of your life?" "Just to be a pain?" " Hey, don't touch me there, only my girlfriend touches me there." "Ahhh..." " I guess it's the other one." " Where is the prince?" " The country's not been the same since the troll invasion." " Rude, if you ask me." "Being late for his own coronation?" " Yes, my riding boots are killing me." " There's Old King Cole, we must introduce you to my tailor." "What do you think?" " Your royal highness." "Lords and ladies, ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you a vision of loveliness, the dancing queen, the slipper supreme, it's midnight madness, it's Queen Cinderella!" " Ooh, look at that." " She can't be 200." " Hah, she's just had a lot of magic surgery." " Where's Wendell?" " Shh shh." "These are the royal chambers, the queen will sleep as near her dog impostor as possible." "Now, my deduction, is that she will have our prince in the very next room." "There." "Maybe I'm wrong." "Close the door, close the door." " This must be a guest room." " No, this is her room." " What are those?" " Yeah, what are those?" " Oh, mirrors, mirrors." "Ah." "Oh, I got it!" "That's it, we have the travelling mirror." "Wait." "Manhattan, we've found it." "We can go home." "Virginia, what?" "No, please come on, let's just go while we can, let's go." " I can't go yet." " What?" "Yes, no, you can." "Would you please, Wolf, tell her, you can go." "Let's just go." " No, I have to see her first." " No you don't." "Listen, she is not your mother." "Whoever this person is, she's not Christine." "She's not the woman that we knew." " We have been led here all along, don't you see?" "It was never the mirror." "It was just a way to bring us here to meet her." " Please, let us go home while we can still go home." " No, I have to see her." " You last request is granted." " Did I do well, your majesty?" " Excellent well." " What?" " I thought it safest to stick with them." "Make sure they don't spoil your plans." " What have you done?" " It's very simple, Virginia," "I obey the queen." " Christine, what are you doing here?" "Don't you recognize us?" " I've never seen either of you before." " Of course you have." "I'm your daughter, Virginia." " Christine don't look through me..." "Don't look through me, all right?" "It's me, it's Tony." " I said I don't know who you are." " Mom, we came from New York where you used to live." " This is just magic to distract me." " My lady?" " Leave me alone with this girl and take him to the dungeon." "Bring Wendell to me." "Wolf." "You can go to the kitchen now." "I've sensed you for a long time through my mirrors." "But your image has always been denied me, now why is that, do you suppose?" "You don't look very powerful to me." "Has someone been helping you?" "Some little dead heroine puffing you up as an adversary?" " I am your daughter." " I don't have a daughter." " Why did you leave me?" " You were unwanted." "That's plain to see." "Haven't you always known that, secretly?" "That you were the ugly duckling?" "The sad thing is, your little quest has given you delusions of grandeur." "You started to think you're capable of great things but, you were right in the first place." "You're plain." "Plain and ugly." "Come." "Compare yourself to me in my mirror." "Mirrors cannot lie." "You think you are fairer than me?" "Look." "Ask the mirror." "Mirror, mirror on the wall," " What are you doing to me?" " Who is the fairest of them all?" " What are you doing?" "No!" " You intrigue me." "Why have you come here?" " To find you." "To talk to you." "To make you realize who..." " To kill me." " No!" "No, of course not." " I'm going to kill you first, now..." " You stay back or I'll..." " Or what?" "Looking for this?" "I know everything." "All your pathetic plans, everything." "You think Snow White will help you?" "She's dead." "Dead." "That's why she sent a little girl after me with old magic." "Is it poison?" " No." " Oh, you little liar." "If this were to pierce my skin, it would kill me instantly." "It is very beautiful though." " In your whole life, did you ever once love me?" " Stop!" " Oh, that's not me." "Oh!" " My lady, we have a problem in the kitchens." " Take this girl away and lock her up." "I will finish with her afterwards." " After what?" "What are you gonna do to everybody?" " No more than you would do to me." " Oh, Virginia." " Oh, dad." " Are you okay?" " Oh, I'm sorry." " What happened to her?" " She's crazy, she's just, she's sick, and she's..." "Before she left us she was just..." "She was getting worse, and worse, and worse." "I've never..." "I've never told anybody what happened the night she left." "And you, you didn't even remember." "So I couldn't tell you." " What happened?" " She was trying to drown you." " What do you mean?" "That's not true." " If I'd have come home a minute later, you would have been dead." " Don't pant, don't bark, and stop muttering." " I'm trying to remember my speech." " You do this properly tonight, and you can have any bitch in town." " You!" " Keep them apart, don't let them touch." " But that's me!" " The guests are getting suspicious, my lady." " Take the dog to my hiding place," "I'll meet you there shortly, I have one last thing to do." "This kingdom can be ours." "They will test you, but beware of Cinderella, she is your greatest threat." " Don't move." "Oh yeah." "Oh ho ho ho, that's good." "All present and correct." " As you commanded, majesty, the most powerful poison ever created." " Smells divine." " The poison?" "Did he say poison?" " It's not pumpkin soup then." " Have you tasted it yet?" " Of course not, majesty." " Well then, how do you know it's the most powerful poison ever made?" " Yeah, how do you know?" " Well?" "Try it." " It's definitely not pumpkin soup then." " Look at him, dead as a doormouse." " Mouse traps, deadly poison, processed cheese." "It's not like the old days." " My crafty little wolf, you had me worried for a while." " Oh, when you freed me from prison, I agreed to serve you." "A wolf always keeps his bargain." " After tonight, when I rule the nine kingdoms, wolves will be very important." "I will make them my secret police, and you will be the chief." " Chief wolf!" " We've been waiting for hours." " Be silent for the future king of the fourth kingdom." "I present to you, the man of the hour, the hero of the day, his royal personality of the year, he's simply the best," "Prince Wendell Winston Walter White!" " Ta-da!" "Wendy." " Mwah!" " There were some rumors that trouble had befallen you, is that true?" " No, I just went for long walkies around my kingdom." "As one does." " Huff puff, chief wolf!" "The wolves will run out of town this time, the farmers don't know what's gonna bite 'em." "Excuse me." "Cinderella..." " Hey, look at this." "I saw this earlier, blew me away." " Grimm?" "As in Grimm Grimm?" " Gotta be, gotta be, right?" "I mean all those stories, they weren't made up." "They're true, he was here 200 years ago." " Wow." " Grimm fairy stories, you remember those?" "I used to read those to you when you were a kid." "You used to sit on my knee, the one about the donkey would only eat thistles." " Oh, that was House at Pooh Corner." " Yeah." " What does this say?" "What is that?" " I dunno, I tried reading it, it's in German, it must be German." " I can speak German." " So can I, cheese is käse." " Our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather learnt it from Wilhelm Grimm himself." " Well, how sweet, German speaking mice." " Okay, okay, so what does this say here, this." "Wenn sie fliehen wollen mussen sie die hebel drehen?" " Must you the handle turn..." " No, the lever turn." "Handle is klinke." " Must you the lever turn if you wish to escape." " Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, escape?" " Lever?" "Lever!" " Lever, lever." "There are here no levers." "The rings!" "The rings!" "Turn the rings!" "Turn the rings!" "Oh wait, over there, get the ones over there, try 'em." " Hurry up, come on." "We might still have time." " If anyone can save the nine kingdoms, it's you." " Good luck, you're going to need it." " Thanks." " Until the prince's 21 st birthday, the throne has lain in trust for him." "But, before he can become king, he must first show us that he has learned the three values of course, wisdom, and humility." "Let the first challenger step forward." " Wendell." "I am Leaf Fall, queen of the elves." "It is a very great responsibility you take upon your young shoulders today." "And I wonder if you are brave enough to join us." " His bravery is questioned." " Tell us, tell us the tale." " The troll king threatened this kingdom." "I challenged him to a fight, man to mutt, and he was huge, and horrible, and he drew his sword, and both of us fought, and then I dropped to all fours, and I was snarling." "And then he lunged, at me, and then I clawed at him, and then I sunk my teeth in him, and I ripped his throat out." " Bravo." "Magnificent." " Such animal courage." " Bravo." "He has passed the first test, Wendell is king of courage!" " Take a weapon." " What do you mean take a weapon?" "We don't know anything about fighting." " Take a weapon, dad." " It is time for the second challenge." "Queen Riding Hood the Third, ruler of the second kingdom." " What wisdom have you learnt on your recent journey through your kingdom?" " Uh..." "That's a tricky one." "I have walked every road," "I have sniffed every hedgerow," "I have roamed the land, and found bones." " Bones?" " I found this huge pile of a hundred fresh, juicy bones." "So, I took one, and I buried the other 99." " Sound thinking?" " Cunning." " Build up our military reserves for times of war." "Wise indeed." " He has passed the second challenge." "Wise Wendell." " Which way?" " Here." " No, I definitely think it's this way." " What?" "Why did you ask me in the first place if you're gonna ignore me." "Sometimes I wonder..." " Midnight approaches." "In the time-honored tradition for the ladies, please prepare for the Cinderella waltz." " What?" "Do you think I'm too old?" " Royal toast?" " You're acting very strangely. ls something wrong?" " Do you really have to be home by midnight?" " Oh, my neck." "Help me, I'm 200 years old!" "Give me your hand." " Sorry, sorry." " What is this?" " Royal toast." "Feel free, please take one." "Royal toast." " Here, this must be the way to the ballroom." " You know what, that's not locked, there's something leaning against it." " All right, well we're running out of time." "Push." " Rargh!" "Skin 'em." "Skin 'em alive!" " Oh!" "Back in the hall, go, go, go, go." " Oh, no it's locked." "Here, here, wait, wait, wait." " All right look, this is gonna take too long." "You just keep going, and I'm gonna fight them off." " No, dad, you're gonna get killed." " It doesn't matter about me." "You have to save everybody, all right?" "Just go!" "And if you get through, just keep going, don't wait for me." "I'll keep guard." " If none questions his appointment, then I do solemnly..." " Wait." "I question." " Woof." "Oh, um..." "Uh, do you?" " Are you really Prince Wendell White?" "Grandson of Snow White?" "The man who would be king?" " I am..." " Hey!" " Uh oh." " No." "No, I am an impostor." "I'm not a prince," "I am..." "I am..." "Ordinary." " I will never be great like Snow White." "Some are born to be great, but I am a pack animal." "I am not a leader, I am a retriever." "I do not want the job." "I will not take the job." "I am not worthy." " Looks painful." " He passed the third test." "He has shown humility." "Bravo." " He has passed the three tests, now let him be crowned." " Ow." " Virginia!" " You only get to watch." " Aww." " Time for the royal toast, your majesty." " The royal toast!" " To everlasting peace, and all the bones we can gnaw." " To everlasting peace, and all the bones we can gnaw?" " I think I did really well." " Ugh, poison." " Anyone for seconds?" "No?" " You certainly are persistent." " Are you gonna kill me as well?" " I was going to let you go." "I don't know why..." " You know why." " Go, leave me, get out while you can." " No." " You were nothing but an accident." "You should have been killed at birth." " How dare you." "How dare you speak to me like that?" " Kill her now." "Kill her, or I'll do it myself." " Noo!" " Wolf!" " Stop." " Cripes." " You've drawn blood." " I'm sorry." " No, no!" "No, please don't die." "Don't die." "Just remember who you are." " It's too late." "Don't cry, my little girl." "My little girl." "I gave away my soul." " Wait!" "Wait!" "Wait!" " Oh my god." "What happened?" " Oh, oh, I think I've drunk too much champagne." " Oh, oh, what's happening?" "What's going on?" " Why aren't you all dead?" " I thought you poisoned everybody." " Oh, no, no, no, no." "Troll dust." "I swapped the poison for a pinch of troll dust just to make it look convincing." "I'm sorry, I had to trick you." "Go for it, Wendy." "Go." "That ought to do the trick." " Ah." " I'm back, I'm back." "I'm back!" " Hi." "I've been waiting for you to wake up." "You've been asleep for almost two days." " I don't think I realized how tired I was." "What have I done?" " It's not your fault." "Don't blame yourself." "Because that..." " My destiny." " Oh, Virginia." "Let her go." " No..." " Lords and ladies, girls and boys, let's hear it for King Wendell!" " And now, for the greatest bravery imaginable, for courage in the face of relentless and terrible danger," "I award my dear friends the highest medals in my kingdom." "Firstly, my temporary manservant, Anthony." "My people, look upon my friend." "No longer is he spineless and wallowing in self pity." " Thanks." " No longer is he a balding, useless coward who'd rather run than fight." "No longer is he selfishly driven by envy and greed, no." "He is heroically transformed." "What braver man could exist than Anthony the Valiant." "For this long-suffering dog, my craftsmen have made a special collar medal." "This confused canine will live in a golden kennel next to his very own mountain of bones." "Perhaps it's better if I don't touch him." "You never know what might happen." "As for this wolf, for him, I have no medal." " Huff puff." "That's typical." " Instead, I have here a royal pardon for all wolves, everywhere throughout my kingdom." "From now on, wolves will be known as heroes, for it was a noble wolf who saved the nine kingdoms." " That's wolves for ya!" "Good guys!" " As for Virginia, how can I ever reward you for what you have done." "For what you have lost." "This flower was given to me by Snow White when I was seven years old on the day she left our castle forever." "She said that one day, I would meet her again, though she would never return." "I understand her words now." " When I was a little girl, you had a fur coat." "And I remember you used to come in my room and, and I could still smell your perfume." "And you used to rub the fur up and down my cheek, and I knew," "I knew that you really, really loved me." "I always wanted to be your little girl." " Anthony, I wish to offer you a job." " No thanks." " Oh, no, but wait until you hear what it is." "I want you to build me a new castle." " A ca..." "I'm no architect." " No, no, no, a bouncy castle." "I will give you titles, land, and hundreds of servants, whatever you need." " That's very, um, your majesty, I can't." "I mean, I, well, I can't even make plastic over here." "It's basically what you're asking me to do is give you an industrial revolution." " In your new position, you'll be surrounded by young beauties in all of your reputation as a national hero." " Oh!" "Miss, miss, over here." "What would you like to eat?" " Um..." " Hey, you've gotta eat something." " Yeah, you've gotta eat something." " Okay, I'll have, um," "I'll have some fish." " Fish." "Fish, fish, yes, fish." "Waiter?" "Waiter?" "Bring fresh fish immediately, please." "Fresh fish." " Thank you." " Thank you." " Mmm." " I'm fine, really." " She's fine, really." " What?" " That's my engagement ring." "Oh, and, a singing ring never fails to get his girl." " Ahh." " It's destiny." " Put it on, put it on." "Well, all right, I'll just try it on." "But I'm not getting married." " Of course you are, a baby's got to have a father." " I don't intend to have any children, thank you very much." " Well, it's a little bit late for that." " What do you mean?" " You've got a little wolf cub growing inside of you." "A little furry chap, just like me, only much smaller." "Believe me, I'm a wolf, I know these things." " Really?" " I just know." " That's where I went." " Are you really gonna stay?" " Yeah." "What, I gotta go back to New York to be a janitor?" "Hey, remember, I'm still wanted for armed robbery too." "I'll stay a few weeks, then I'll come back." " I'll see you soon, okay?" "I really love you, daddy." " You haven't called me daddy since you were a little girl." " Really?" " Yeah." " See you soon, grandpa." " Grandpa?" " I'd like to say that Wolf and I lived happily ever after, but our lives were almost immediately interrupted by another crisis in the kingdoms." "But that's not this story." "This story is done." "And, when you live every day with all your heart, and you can be happy ever after, even if it's only for a short time." "My name is Virginia, and I live on the edge of the forest, and this is the end of the first book of the tenth kingdom."