"All available units to World Trade Centre." "Battalion 1-5 to Manhattan, just arrived at tower one." "Plane has just hit the North Tower." "Help me!" "Help me!" "God Almighty." "Jerry, I need half of these guys on the 77th floor and the other half on the 65th." " Tommy, take your group, go to 77." "Lou, you grab your guys and go up to 65." "Watch out for the jumpers." "Jesus." "Be careful." "All right." "Go." "Go." "Be careful." "Tommy!" "Give me a hand with this guy." " Billy, hang on." " Tommy!" "Tommy!" " Yeah?" " Yeah, chief?" "Take him out that door." "Let's wait outside." " Give me a hand over here?" " You got it." "You got it?" "I got it." "I got it." "I got it." " Yeah?" " It's Jimmy." " Where'd you go?" "We're trapped here." " I'm coming." " Jimmy, I'm coming." " Shit!" "I'm coming right now." "Jimmy!" "Move it, asshole!" "I got a life to live!" "Oh, you're some kind of tough guy, huh?" "You got something you wanna say now, asshole?" "I didn't think so." "Jerk-off!" "See you later." " No way." "Really?" " Yeah." "Well eight and a tiny smidgen more." " That's pretty good." " Yeah." " What are you talking about?" " Nothing." " Eight and a smidgen of what?" " What?" " Oh, the other night I was watching TV." " There was nothing on, really, and I..." " Cut to the chase." "Well, I got a hard-on, and I was looking at it and I was thinking about jerking off..." " Cut to the chase." " There was a ruler on the table, and..." " He measured his cock." " You measured your cock?" " Yeah." " And it was 8 inches?" " Mine was 7 and a half, almost." " His was 8." " Well, 8 and a titch." " Hey." "What's a titch?" " It's about this much." " What are we talking about?" " They measured their Johnsons." " What?" " The proble's got 7 and a half inches." "Garrity's got 8 and a titch." " You ever measure your dick?" " No." "I get a hard-on I'm too busy using it for the good of all mankind." " Lou?" " No." " What's up?" " Frank, what's up?" "Franco, how big is your dick?" " No, seriously." " I don't know." " I guess it's pretty normal size, I guess." " I mean, exactly." " I have no idea." " So you never really measured it." "Well, yeah." "Maybe once when I was a kid, probably." " You two are severely retarded." " Come on." "Probie said he measured his cock, and I'd never done it before." "So he said he's 7 and a half inches." "It made me curious." " Turns out, 8 and a titch." " Oh, my God." " Yeah." "It's pretty normal, Frank." " No, I mean, Oh, my God." "Like, wow." "Those are 7 and a half and 8 inches?" " Yeah." " Eight and a titch." "What's a titch?" "It's kind of like that." "Those are pretty big numbers." "I was reading FHM they said that the average cock is like 6 inches long." " We're huge!" " Huge." "Before you two ponies start swinging your Johnsons, answer one question:" "Did you measure from the top or the bottom?" " A fly in the ointment." " Did you go by the undercarriage underneath the ball sac out to the tip?" "Yeah, yeah." "We did." "Then you might as well been measuring from your spine." "Everybody gets at least an inch that way." "You gotta go from the pubic bone to the tip." "No way." "That means I'm, like, 6 and a half." " Almost." " Shit." " I don't know if you're right." " Been there, done this." "I got 20 that starts "the biggest dick in the crew" contest." " Who wants in?" " You gonna measure yours?" "I haven't seen my feet in 10 years, not to mention my dick." " Chief, I got a question." " I know what that question is." " Really?" " Girth?" " Exactly." " Wait." "What?" "Girth?" " Circumference, asshole." " Yeah." "That's gonna be a completely different story." " I'm gonna double the wager." " I'm with you." "Then we measure the length and girth and we combine it into an equation that Billy will figure out." " Wait." "Who cares about the...?" " Girth." " Girth." " Girtha Kitt." " Girth Brooks." " King Kong versus Girth." "Billy, you want in on "the biggest dick" contest?" " Not interested." " Come on, it'll be a lot of fun." " It'll be a ball, for crying out loud." " I said no already." " What about you, Franco?" " Yeah, I guess." " What are you worried about?" " Well, losing." "I don't think that this whole "measuring from the top" thing is right." " Who invented that?" "You lose an inch." " From the pubic bone to the tip." "That's all that enters the vagina." "From the pubic bone out to the tip." "Done." " What?" " Nothing." "I just never thought I'd hear you say the word "vagina."" " Vagina." " Stop." " Vagina." " Come on, chief." "Stop." " Yeah?" " Can you get downers?" " Dad?" " I need some downers." "Real good goddamn downers." " What is all that screaming?" " Teddy brought a monkey home." "Where do you get a monkey?" "Him and this guy from down in the Bronx Zoo bet the Yankees game." " Get off that!" "Teddy won, and the guy's strapped for cash." "Now that goddamn thing is shitting all over the place." "Tried to bite me twice, the little prick." "I need something so he passes out and I can get some peace and quiet." "Something strong." "What about the monkey?" " Well, I'll give it a smaller dose." " Dad..." "Tommy." " Why don't I just come pick you up?" " I'm 72 years old." "I'm supposed to be able to take care of myself." " Okay, okay." " Don't tell anyone about the monkey." "Okay, fine." " A monkey?" " What?" "Who the hell are you?" "Hey, hey!" "Oh, my God." "Jesus." " Hello?" " I wanted to warn you before you got home, but I got busy with the kids." " Whose dog is it?" " What, now?" " What do you mean, "now"?" " He's humorous." " Hey." " Katy said you said that it was okay." " I never said that." " He was only here a half-hour and he chewed up two pairs of shoes and pooped all over the rug." "I haven't checked my closet, but I'm ahead of schedule on the shit." "Listen, the dog is the least of our problems." "Colleen got suspended today, for..." "Get this... ." "Making out in the hallway." " That's against the rules now?" " With her girlfriend." " Yes!" " Tom?" " Yeah?" " Well, did you hear what I just said?" " Yeah." " Doesn't that shock you?" " Yeah." " I need you to come over here because she won't listen to me." " No, no." "I can't." "I got that widows' dinner tonight with Sheila." "I'm a chaperone." "Your daughter might be engaging in lesbian activities." "Honey, look on the bright side." "Lesbians are big business right now." "Teach her to golf, we're ahead of the game." "Get over here now." "Yeah, yeah." "All right." "Oh, yeah, daddy." " Hey." " Hey." "So your mother's telling me that..." " Dad, I have a girlfriend, okay?" "Like, what's the big deal?" "You always told us we could never judge people by the colour of their skin, not to jump to conclusions and how I can always come and tell you anything because the one thing you wouldn't put up with was me being dishonest." " Yeah." " So I'm being honest." "Okay?" "I have a girlfriend who I really like and who's really smart." "We get in trouble for kissing in the hall?" "There are kids, like, having sex in the stairwells." "It's a joke." "It's a travesty." " What?" " It's wrong." "What, me having a girlfriend, or kids having sex in the hallways?" "No, no." "The whole, you know, injustice thing." "They shouldn't be persecuting you." " Really?" " Yeah." "You should be free to be who you are." "That's why your grandparents came to this country so you could be a lesbian." " They did?" "Kind of." "I mean, it was, you know..." " Yeah." " So you're not mad?" "No, no." "No, honey." "No." "Not at all." "Oh, Daddy." " Well, it's official." "She's gone lesbo." " What?" "Yeah." "I'm sure it's just a phase." "You kissed a couple of girls in school, right?" " No, I didn't." " Oh, you didn't." "I thought you did." "Maybe that was wishful thinking on my part." "We should have stocked up on k.d. Lang albums." " I'm getting rid of the dog." " You can't." "Katy's in love with him." "Jesus." "Okay." "Seven." "Jesus." "I lost a whole inch." "This "measuring from the top" shit sucks." "Damn it." "Oh, yeah." "You are much more my type, sweetheart." "Okay." "Okay." "Oh, God, yeah, baby!" "Yeah, baby!" "Oh, God!" "Look at the size of that thing." "That's gotta be 8 inches." "Okay." "Garrity?" "Hey, chief." " Hello?" " Hey, China, it's Franco." " How you doing, baby?" " Long time no see, big boy." "Yeah, yeah." "Listen, I'm gonna cut to the chase." "You remember that thing that you wanted to put on my...?" " My thing that night?" " Oh, yes, I do." "Yeah." "You said it'd let me stay hard for what...?" " For as long as you keep it on." " Yeah." "That's what I thought." "Hey, listen, you busy tonight?" " I'm never too busy for you, baby." " That's what I like to hear." "Sheil?" "You ready?" "Hey." "What's wrong?" " Damian's dealing drugs." " What?" "I like this game." "What do I have to do to win?" "I'm not kidding." "Holy shit." "Oh, my God." "He's upstairs." "I can hear him." "He's tearing his room apart." "I'll go talk to him." " Looking for something, asshole?" " Those aren't mine." "Yeah, that's gonna fly." "If your dad was here now, you wouldn't see your next goddamn birthday, okay?" "This stops here." "Fine." " Is this everything?" " Yep." "Really?" "I'll tear this goddamn room apart right now." "Hold on." " There." " Anything else?" "That's everything." "What are you gonna do with it?" "I'm opening a pharmacy on my front lawn." "What do you think I'm gonna do?" "I'm confiscating it, okay?" "You're lucky your dad ain't alive, because I'll tell you what..." "Let me ask you something." " Any of these things downers?" " Why?" " Never mind why." "Answer the question." " Yeah." "The roofies." "These ones?" "Okay." " What about these?" " This is Ketamine, animal tranquilliser." " What about these?" " Those are Adderall." " What does that do?" " Speed things up." "Okay." "Cool." "All right." "Thanks, man." "By the way, I catch you a second time, I call the cops, you little shit." " This..." "This ain't the way to the hall." " I know." "I gotta make a quick stop at my Uncle Teddy's house." "Okay, let's put it on now." "Hey, you know what, let's just forget about the contest." " I'm enjoying this too much." " No." "I kind of wanna know myself now just how big it is." "All right." "It's a little snug." "Almost there." "Don't go in there, I gotta use it!" "Sheila!" "Sheila, come in." "Come in, come in." " Come on in." "Come in." " You filthy little son of a bitch!" "You keep screaming, I'll stick a banana right up your ass!" " Sheil!" "Come here, give me a hug!" " Hi, Uncle Teddy." "I'm gonna talk to my dad for a second in the kitchen." "Yeah, sure." "Boy, you look great!" " You see what I'm talking about?" " Yeah, yeah." "I brought help." "Here you go." " Oh, shit." " Yeah." "These are roofies." "They're a date-rape drug." "Give him a couple, it should knock him out." " What's this?" " That's an animal tranquilliser." "That for the monkey?" "I guess it'd work on the monkey too, yeah." "Oh, my God." "Franco almost 5 inches." " Is that good?" " Five inches around." "Most guys are lucky to be that long." "Well, let's check the length on that and then get this thing off." " It's feeling kind of bizarre." " Okay." "Hang on." "Bullshit contest." "Instead of guys being so concerned about the size of their penis they should check their ego and learn how to use whatever God gave them." "You know?" " What?" "What's wrong?" " Nine inches." " What?" " Yeah." " I knew it was big, but..." " Nine inches?" " Yeah." " Yeah!" "That's what I'm talking about, baby!" "What?" "Oh, I know." "Thank you so much." "Okay, thanks." "Sheila, Tommy!" " Hi!" "How are you?" " Hey!" " Good." "How are you?" " Great." "How you doing?" " Good." " Honey, you so deserve this trip." "That's what Bobby's mother said." " It's you and your mom and the kids?" " Yep." " Family cruise, how perfect is that?" " I know." " I really gotta get away." " I know." " Tommy." " Hey, Gloria, how are you?" " I'm good." " Gloria." "Sheil." " I'm gonna go say hi to Maddie's mom." " Okay." "You know what, the food'll be out in 15 minutes." "Oh, thanks, Glo." " You wanna get a drink?" " Yeah." "Sure." " So how you doing?" " Good." "I'm pretty good." "How you feeling?" "Surrounded by sad, bereaved ladies?" "Everybody seems to be having a good time." "Yeah?" "Do you like sad ladies?" " What?" " Double vodka on the rocks." " For you, sir?" " I'll have just a water, please." "Thanks." " Word has it you're seeing Sheila." " What?" "I'm here as a..." "As a chaperone, okay?" "Official business." "It's okay if you're seeing her." "Do you wanna see her?" " Glo, she was married to my cousin." " I know." "Answer the question." "No." " Pull harder." " It's stuck!" " What?" "No, it can't be stuck." " Look, I don't know." " We tried water, butter..." " No." "No more butter." "Okay?" " I don't know what else to do." " Okay." "Okay." "We're just gonna have to wait, okay?" "Until it..." " Until it goes away." " Well it's not gonna go away, baby." "The blood is trapped inside of your penis." "Your very big and inviting..." " Hey, stop." " Come on, baby." "Not now, China." "Okay?" " Then we're gonna have to call 911." " What?" "No." "No, no." "You got any better ideas?" "Give me that phone." "Listen to me, Tommy." "I'm a widow." "I'm lonely, I need some carnal bliss." "You're a good-looking guy." "Plus, you're a chaperone." "You should be all over me." "Look, the chaperone thing is an official position." " It's an honorary thing." "I don't..." " Make me feel like I'm 17 again." " What?" " Take me." "Take me home and have me." " Gloria..." " Tommy." " Glo." " Tommy." "Well?" " I gotta go." " Hang on." "Here." " What?" " Hey, Lou, it's Franco." "Yeah, what's going on?" "You sound all fartootst." "Yeah." "Listen, buddy, I need a favour." "Hey." "We gotta go." "We're having a good time." "Come on." " You can get a ride from Maddie, right?" " Yeah." " All right." "I'll see you later." " Okay." "Hey, Franco, remember that time we found that big, fat black broad handcuffed to the bed up at the fire on 127th Street?" "Yeah." "Those were her wrists." "This is my dick, Lou." "Yeah." "Your..." "Your apparently contest-winning dick, Franco." "I need something non-flammable on top here." "This thing's gonna give off heat." "I don't want any scarring or burning..." "I'm just gonna stop talking now, Franco, okay?" "Be a man." " Yeah?" " What kind of pills did you give me?" " Why?" " Well he's been talking all night and dancing." "He called up and ordered five escort girls." "He's high as a kite and ready to go all night." "What about the monkey?" "Well, his heart's racing a mile a minute and I've been giving him shooters." "Shit, I must have grabbed the uppers instead of the downers." "You know what?" "Go to the animal tranqs." " Should I double the dose?" " Yeah, and then call me back." " Franco, stop flinching!" " I'm trying, Lou!" "You've already been circumcised once." "I don't wanna do it again." " Oh, it burns!" " Oh, yeah!" " Oh, God!" " We're good." "I don't wanna catch on fire again." " Hey, Tom." " Hey." " What are you doing?" " Nothing." "Just..." "You know, lighting a couple of candles." "Saying a prayer." "Oh, yeah." "For who?" "Nobody." "You know, just..." "You know, we..." "For better or for worse, we got security cameras all over the entrances." "Drunks, vandals, whatever." "I know you've been in here four times this past month." "So, what's up?" "You a big believer in God again?" " No." " I didn't think so." "So, what is it?" "I..." "I think I believe in the candles." "You know, the whole David Blaine David Copperfield aspect of being a Catholic." "Fill me in." "The Resurrection, the Immaculate Conception the whole "walking on water" thing the thing where Jesus feeds 10,000 people with one loaf of bread and a fish." "You know, when I was a kid that magic stuff used to make me laugh but now I think I get it, you know, I think God makes things disappear." "Sometimes it's honest, decent, hard-working people and sometimes it's ghosts." "Now, I think God led me here." " You all right?" " You got a cat?" "Yeah." "Strays wander in every once in a while." "Why?" "Oh, nothing." "All right." "Well, I gotta get going." "See you around." "Yeah." "Hey." " Call me." " Yeah." " A horse whisperer." " No." "Long Dong Silver!" "Now, off with the robe!" "How you feeling, Ted?" "I'm kicking her ass in strip charades." "I'm drunk, I'm high." "I've never felt better." "You ought to worry about that monkey." "I haven't heard a peep in a half-hour." "Okay." " A movie." " Yeah, yeah, yeah!" "You still in here, you little crazy bastard?" "Teddy?" " Is he all right?" " Is he breathing?" " I don't know." " Oh, my God." "Do you think he's dead?" "No." "He just finally hit the wall." "I'm pretty sure the monkey's dead, though." "When he comes to, tell him I took his car." "Nothing on the girth, huh, Sean?" "No." "Yeah, this sucks." "It's all about the girth, my friend." "There you go." "Big numbers on a small piece of paper." "Probie, girth, 2 and a half." "I got Magic Markers bigger than that." "Well, maybe I was doing it wrong." " Circumference." "All the way around." " No." "I did it right." "A liquorice stick." "Hey, Franco!" "Got some winning numbers for me?" "Yeah." "Length, 9." "Girth, 4 and a half." " Four and three quarters." " What was that?" "Long story." "Or wide, actually, depending on how you look it." " Who wants a dog?" " What?" "A dog?" " Like a pet dog?" " No." "A hot dog, asshole." "Battalion 1-5 to Manhattan." "Transmit a second alarm." "I'm gonna need an additional engine." "Tommy, get up to that second floor." "I think there's squatters up there." "Lou, be careful." "This thing's gonna light up like a matchbox." "Battalion 1-5 to Manhattan, transmit a second alarm." "Give me a tap." "All right." "Move back." " All right." "Stay close." " Okay." " Ready?" " Yeah." "Stay close." "Tommy!" "Tommy!" "Tommy!" "Tommy!" "Second floor." "Ladies' lingerie." "Tommy!" "Tommy!" " What's up?" " Ceiling collapsed." "Tommy's in there!" " We gotta get to him!" " I know another way." "Further down the hallway." "I know this building." "Come on." "Come with me." "Shit." "Goddamn it, where's the door?" " Tommy!" " Hey." " Tommy!" " Tommy!" " We're going in." " I'm over here." " Over here, Tommy." "Over here." " Tommy!" " What do you got?" " It's a girl squatter." " Probie, come on!" " You got her?" " Yeah, we got her, Tommy." " Grab the wrist." "We got a window over here." "All right, now drag her out." "Get her, get her." "Franco, I got a 10-45 coming to the window." "Move her, move her." " Tommy, I'm gonna do a quick sweep." " Be careful." "Stay around the edges." " I got it, Tom." "It's gonna be fine." " My mask." " Come on, asshole." "Hurry up." " Let's get out of here." "Billy!" "Bill!" "Get ready to move that line in." " Tommy and Billy are still in here." " Well, let's get her out first, kid." "Billy!" " Billy!" " I'm here." " Hey, what do you got?" " Hold on, I got someone." " Hurry up!" " Come on." " Careful, careful." " Just take her." " All right." " I got her." "All right." "I got it." "All right, all right." "Billy!" "Bill!" "Billy!" "Shit!" " Grab her." "Did Billy come out?" " No, he was with you." " Floor collapsed." "He dropped." " Mayday, mayday!" "Battalion 1-5, everybody stay off the air!" "We all knew Billy Warren as a firefighter's firefighter." "He knew every building in this district like the back of his hand." "He was a brave, brave man." "Now, Billy left specific instructions if he should be killed in the line of duty." "He didn't want a large funeral mass or burial." "He also wanted his ex-wife to come and speak in his memory." "Hello." "My name is Sondra Warren." "Billy and I were only married for six weeks about five years ago because I discovered that three weeks into our marriage he was having an affair with his old girlfriend, Mary." "Mary?" "There she is." "Stand up, Mare." "Go ahead." "You see, Billy didn't really love me or Mary." "He loved you guys." "Oh, I heard these names a lot:" "Tommy, Jerry, Lou, Franco." "Stand up, guys." "Well, it's nice to connect the names to the faces." "A lot of you guys would never admit that you feel closer to the guys in the firehouse than you do to your own wives or kids." "We all see you as heroic and brave as if you were not mere mortals." "But that's what you are." "When someone sets fire to you, you burn the same way that the people you're trying to save do." "And if you choose to get married, and you choose to start a family you owe us something too." "And I'm not going to miss him, because I wrote Billy out of my life the day I found out he was still seeing Mary behind my back." "Thank you." "Thanks, kid." " Here you go, boys." " Thanks, chief." "To Billy." "You know what?" "Never mind that." "How about the two broads?" "They're both a 12 on a scale of 10." " Tommy, can I talk to you for a second?" " What's up?" "There's a rumour that you've been doing some widow-banging." " What?" " That you took a chick named Gloria home from the widows' ball the other night." " No." "No." "Absolute bullshit." " Okay." "I'm not trying to get in your business, but you better watch your ass." "Wives are talking, widows are talking." "Guys see widow-banging as a breach of certain unwritten rules." " I know, I know." " Hey, want a drink?" "No, no." "So that whole thing with Gloria was bullshit?" "She's nuts." "What about the drinking thing?" "What?" "The boys in the crew don't know you quit drinking?" "I quit drinking in front of family so Janet would think I really quit so she'd get back together with me, but I didn't tell the guys because I didn't want them to think it was a sign of weakness or I was having some change like I was losing it." "Plus, it allowed me to keep drinking while I was going to AA." "To fool Janet." "Yeah." "But I really haven't had a drink in two weeks because I've been taking these great pills." " Yeah." " So Gloria's nuts." "You wanna talk?" "Yeah." "Come in." "I think that you should have a drink." " Sheil..." " Tom." " Sheil..." " Come on." " No." " I'm serious." "I have had a lot of wine, and you have had nothing." " It puts us on uneven playing fields." " What's that supposed to mean?" "Tommy..." "You know what?" "I've been thinking about this, and the whole thing with Gloria just made it kind of clear to me in my head." "I don't think it's a good idea." "Okay?" "I mean, the guys frown on it because, you know it's fooling around with widows, and the widows frown on it." " I don't think anybody..." " I don't care." "I do." "I can't meet anybody." "I can't get Jimmy out of my mind." "He's always there." "And you are the closest thing I have to him." "You're sweet, you're funny and you're here." "Right now." "Right here." "Christ, you lost Jimmy." "You just lost Billy Warren." "I mean, how long do you think all of us have?" "Today is what we have." "Tonight, Tommy." "This is what we have!" "What are you looking for?" "What are you doing?" "Take it easy, Tommy." "That's what you wanted, right?" "That good enough for you?" "That what you wanted?" "Huh, little girl?" "You know this is bad, right?" "Say it." " It's bad." " Say, "It's bad."" " It's so bad." " Yeah." " It's so bad." " Yeah." "You happy now?" " You know how wrong this is?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "All right, get up." "Get up." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah, Sheila." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." " I want you to go into the kitchen..." " Yeah?" "...and pour me another nice tall whiskey." "But you're still aroused." " You didn't finish." " Nope." "Plenty of time for that." "Now, go get me that whiskey." "Go ahead." "I can barely walk." "That was fun, right?" "You know what?" "This remote's broken." "I'm gonna get it fixed for you." "Okay." "I couldn't find a glass." " You climbing back on?" " Yeah." " My God." " Yeah." " You like that?" " Yeah." " Oh, shit." " What?" "What's wrong?" " I got..." " What?" " I gotta go." "I gotta go." " No." "No!" " Yes." " Mom?" " Oh, my God." " Oh, my God!" "Careful." "Here." "Take that." "Your top, your top." "Hey, guys, check it out." "Picture of Billy in The Post today." " What's this?" " That mark on the top is the length and the mark on the bottom is the width." "I couldn't get the girth." " Hey, Billy, huh?" " Yeah." ""Biggest dick in the house" contest is over, folks." " Kiss the ring." " Forget about Franco and his 9 and 4 and three quarters." " Why is that?" "Well, remember how shocked we all were at how attractive Billy's ex-wife and his girlfriend were?" "Well, I talked to the ex-wife told her how great her speech was, told her how we loved Billy and told her we were having this little contest..." "And as it turns out Billy was packing 10." " Holy shit." " No way." " Yeah." "Oh, yeah." " Nice work, Bill." " What's with the remote?" "Broken." "Jim?" "Looks like it's you and me, asshole." "Subripped by CLT-Team" "Subtitles by SDI Media Group"