"I gotta figure out a way to get the morning paper... without having to give Ellen Koosman a free diagnosis." "Well, is my story in?" " Oh, they've made a terrible mistake." " What?" "What?" "Well, they put your story on the front page!" "Are you serious?" ""Major Long Island developer offers bribe to County officials..." ""by Margaret Beaver."" "Oh, no!" "No, it's Margaret Seaver." "Oh, honey, I owe you for this." "If you hadn't moved your practice home so I could try my career again..." "I'd never be on Page 1." "Well, if you really think you owe me one... next time they give you a by-line why don't you have it read, Mrs. Jason Seaver?" "Don't hold your breath." "So much for gratitude." "Well, I'd better change before work." "These aren't your work clothes?" "Well, when I put this on this morning, I was a Page 6 writer... and now I have to dress for Page 1." "I need a good job." " No, don't be a fool." "Stay in school." " No, no." "Today's the day we're supposed to observe someone at work... so we can do a talk about it tomorrow at Career Day." "So?" "I was all set to do mine on Cathy Dunne's dad." "He's a stockbroker." "And Cathy just called to tell me that they fired her father... after 32 years with the company." "Talk about wrecking my morning." "Well, you know, you do know some other people with interesting jobs." "Name one." "Somebody very close to you happens to be a dedicated professional... who also heads up a family and is a pretty snappy dresser." "Of course!" "Mom!" "I was talking about me, Carol." "But, Dad, I need someone with a real job." "Mother?" "Phlegm-face!" "Dad, I think I'm sick." "Carol, you know, some people think psychiatry is a real job." "Fine, fine, don't believe me." "Dad, I'm sick." "Here, take my temperature." "Okay." "Oral or the old-fashioned way?" "101." "All right, no school!" "I'll have a fried egg, over easy, two strips of bacon... a slice of cinnamon toast with just a touch of jelly." " There's oatmeal on the stove." " Perfect." "Mom says it's a great idea." "Mike, I'm not going to school today." "I'm spending the whole day recording Mom." "I'm spending the whole day at home doing nothing." "Hi, guys." "Oh, honey, I gotta run." "I don't want people saying:" ""Now that Maggie's a star reporter, she's coming in late."" "Thus with a quick kiss to the people she calls her family... a hectic day in the typical pell-mell world of a great reporter begins." "Oh, and Jason, could you do that extra load of laundry, if you get a chance?" "With petty thoughts of home behind her, she heads off... into the cruel unknown that is... the real world." " What are you doing?" " Healing." "Mike, if you're well enough for video games..." "I can have you at school in 15 minutes." "Oh, I hope I'm not too much trouble, Dad." "If your head clears, remember those school books are right in front of you." "Now I'm hearing bells." "Ellen Koosman." "I'm so busy right now, I've been..." "Please, come in." "I can only stay a second." "I wanted to know if I could borrow some dry yeast from you." "I was gonna go to the store this morning, but my legs were so tired." "I don't know if it's the pills that the doctor gave me... or if it's the weather that's causing..." " Hi, Mike." " Hey, I'm sick." " I'll get some yeast." " Thank you." "I wanted to bake some bread to go with the soup that I'm making." "Now I'm coming down with a cold." "Can you believe it?" "All winter long it's been one thing after the other." "And now I've got a bunion on my big toe." "Dr. Seaver, you've got to help me." "I feel like a woman trapped in a man's body." "Not a very pretty one, either." " How you doing, Hal?" " How are you, Jason?" "Good to see you." "Come on in." "You remember Maggie." "I thought I did." "Actually, this is Ellen Koosman, our next door neighbor." "Dr. Miller." "Oh, so you're a doctor, too." "I have this terrible pain right here below..." "Dr. Miller is a veterinarian." "There's a bald spot on my schnauzer." "It's really funny." "Right here." "It's got this thing that's..." "I know you can't stay." " Nice to meet you, Doctor." " Nice meeting you." "Thanks for not telling her I'm a psychiatrist." "I'm in between patients now." " You want to come in the office?" " Yeah, sure." " This is your office?" " Hal, working at home is great, really." "I can see why you left your position at Long Island General." "All right, let's get it over with." "You're gonna tell me all the reasons... you think I was foolish to quit." "No, I'd rather show you my latest book." "Wow." ""Sexual Dysfunctions of Middle Age."" "I figured you could use it." "Well, at least you're now writing something that you know about." " Why don't you let your nurse get that?" " She's at lunch." " It's 9:00 a.m." " She's a large woman, but I love her." "Good morning, sir." "How are you?" "I'm Jerry from Rapid Roofing." " Well, our roof is fine, thank you." " Your garage leaks like a sieve." "Who said that?" "The lady next door with the baldheaded dog." " Well, she wouldn't know..." " I'll check it out right now." "No, it's..." "Listen." "Hey." "Hey, Dad, I think I'm well enough to watch TV now." "As long as you don't enjoy it." "Oh, it's a real exciting little practice you got here, Doctor." "Well, it's not usually this quiet." "Most of the time this house is crawling with people with mental problems." "Yeah, you wish." "All right, Jason, enough of this male bonding." "I wanted to tell you that I'm leaving Long Island General." " After all those years?" " Yeah, I think it's time to move on." "Do something really worthwhile for a change." "I'm gonna do talk radio in LA." "LA." "You never run out of patients out there." "Now, look, the board of directors wants me to pick my successor... and I'm picking you." " Me?" " Yeah, who better?" "You know, you once told me you wanted to run this department... by the time you were 40." "Well, you're gonna be three years ahead of schedule." " Are you kidding?" " I never kid about work or underwear." "This is..." "This is incredible." "This is the kind of opportunity I've..." " I can't take the job." " What?" "Now, you see..." "You see, Maggie..." "I have a deal with her now, Hal." "She's taking a shot at her career." "Jason, this is head of the entire department." "I can't." "She's really rolling now, Hal." "She was on the front page this morning." " Did you see it?" " No, no." "Look, Jason, how often do you get a chance like this?" "Department head at 37." "It's..." "It's impossible, Hal." "Jason, promise me you'll at least think about it." "Hal, my life right now is..." "Dry rot!" "You're about to lose the whole weenie!" "We're back in the eye of the storm... the frantic, fast-paced newsroom of the Long Island Daily Herald." "Dozens of reporters race around the room, feverishly." " Now what are you doing, Mom?" " Looking for a tea bag." "Here it is." "Then what are you gonna do?" "Well, first I'm going to make myself a cup of tea... and then I'm gonna talk to Susan Rush... my city editor, about the follow-up story I'm working on." "Hey, Carol, you should talk to Susan." "She could tell you all about a newspaper career." "She's an editor, a woman, young, articulate... and she's a very sweet person." "Maggie." "About your article." "I just got a call from a Joseph K. Chadway... the builder you accused of bribing County officials... in the story I ran on Page 1 this morning." "Joseph K. Chadway was a little angry at being accused of bribery..." "I'll bet." "...since the man you meant to accuse was Joseph A. Chadway." "Holy moley." "Exactly what our lawyer said." "Oh, Susan, I don't know how this possibly could have..." "I just can't believe you didn't double-check the name." "I mean, that's about as basic as it gets." "Maggie, I am pulling you from the follow-up... and getting a real reporter." "Well, was I right?" "Is she nice or what?" "It's on." "It's still on." "Whoa!" "She'd have to quit again." "And..." "Now I'm talking to myself." "That's another reason to take the job." " Hey, Dad." " What is it, Mike?" "Gilligan's Island is on every day at 3:30." "Mike, I'm very busy." "I'm trying to make a tough decision here." "Dad, Dad, it's on whether I watch it or not." "Gilligan, the Skipper, too." "The millionaire, his wife, the Professor and..." " Mary Ann?" " Exactly." " What's the point?" " Dad, it's not on for me." "It's just on." "Mike, are you starting to realize that the world doesn't revolve around you?" "Yeah, I guess I am." "Well, congratulations." "You know, you've hit on one of the basic ideas in the philosophy of Camus." "The killer whale?" "No, Mike, that's Shamu." "Excuse me, I have to empty the dryer." " Here, Dad, look, I can even show you." " That's okay, thanks." "The school bus." " Hey, Dad!" " What?" "What is it?" "Don't you see?" "If Gilligan goes on without me, so does my school." "You know, all day today, life went on even though I wasn't there." "Mike, this is your first philosophical realization." "I'm proud of you." "See, you can learn from TV." "Dad, all day today life went on without me." "And you, too." " Well, I'm not sure..." " But, Dad." "Don't you understand?" "The world doesn't need us anymore." " It does just fine without us." " Oh, speak for yourself, Mike." "Gosh, if I feel like this after one day, how do you feel?" "I mean, you're stuck here every day." "Stuck!" "Michael, I'm not stuck." "I'm here because I wanna be here." "Now if you'll excuse me, my laundry's calling." "Coming, socks." "Trapped just like the castaways on Gilligan's isle." "A three-hour tour." " Dad, Dad!" " Hi, Carol." "You're home early." " Where's Mom?" " Parking her car." "Listen, I don't have much time to explain... but Mom has had the worst day of her entire life." "Why?" "Now, you can't do or say anything to upset her, okay?" "But what happened?" " Hi, honey." " Hi, home early, huh?" "Dad, I told you not to upset her!" "Carol, I'm okay." "Now I appreciate your concern, but as I told you all afternoon, I'm fine." "What happened?" "Oh, I had a disagreement with my editor." "Dad, she made Mom look like a complete..." "Carol." "I've got it on tape, Dad." "You decide." "No." "Now, Carol, you just don't understand how adults talk to adults." "Sometimes they yell." "Haven't you seen the new Jack Klugman show?" "Sure, sure, that must be it." " What happened?" " Oh, no big deal." "That's good." "You know, the way she's carrying on..." " I thought it was the end of the world." " No." "Hey, you remember Hal Miller, doctor from Long Island General?" "Well, he came by here today, and he offered me..." " Oh, Jason." " What?" "I have never been so humiliated in all my life." "Honey, what?" "It is not being yelled at that really bothered me, but..." "Or even making the mistake to begin with." " What mistake?" " I used a "K" instead of an "A."" "No!" " In a man's name." " Well, that's not so bad." "Who will probably sue us because we said he was a felon." "That could be trouble." " But you know what really got to me?" " No." "It's what kept going through my head when Susan was yelling at me." "What?" "That instead of working I could be home doing the laundry." "And it sounded good." "Oh, you weren't thinking straight." "Oh, Jason, it's time I faced a few things and I need your advice." " Okay." " Okay?" "Over this past year I've had a lot of fears about going back to work." "Can I pick up right where I left off 18 years ago?" "Can I compete with people half..." "Three-quarters my age?" "Do I really want a career or is it the idea of having a career that I love?" "Am I being fair to the kids?" "Am I being fair to you?" "So I did what you always do." " I started two lists." " Good." "One of reasons to keep my job." "See, it's blank." "And the other of reasons to quit." "Look at it." " "Bread, milk, pantyhose."" " No, no, no, the other side." "Well, this is quite a list." "So, what do you think?" "Are you asking me if I think you should quit?" "Yeah." "Well, it's interesting that you should ask me this today of all days." "Oh, honey, I need your advice." "I know you'll be fair and objective." "Yes." "See, you were the one that advised me to go back to work... when in your heart of hearts you didn't want me to." " Well, I did, yes." " Yes, and I love you for it." "Thank you." "So I know you'll be fair and objective here, too... even if you really wanted me to quit... because I know staying at home has to be getting to you." " Well, I've..." " Should I quit?" " That's tough, Maggie." " Honey, what do you think?" "Well, I think that if you think... that you've made a mistake going back to work... then I think..." "Then you should... do something about it." "Well." "I guess that's all there is to say." "Mom, I just heard, and I still love you even if you are a rotten reporter." " Good morning." " Save it." "It's just me." " Then get out of my chair." " I was just warming it for you." "Out of my chair, squirt." "Where's Mom?" "She left for work early to clear some things up with her boss." " How do you know?" " I'm small." "People forget I'm around and say all kinds of things." "You guys should have told her that you still believe in her... and that you're behind her." "Hey, Mom doesn't need to hear that from us as long as Dad's around." "That's what he's here for." "That's why people get married." "So that there's at least one person saying you're okay... when you know you're just a crummy bag of dog meat." "Mike, you're absolutely right." "You guys are gonna have to clean up here and lock the door when you leave." "I'm gonna go catch Mom before she makes a mistake." "She shouldn't give up because of one little mistake." "Hey, she knows that." "I mean, after you were born she had another kid, didn't she?" "That's funny." "Here." "You said yesterday that you wanted a real reporter to do the follow-up to my story." "Well, you've got one, me." "You find anything wrong with that and I'm out of here for good." "But if you don't find anything wrong with it, I expect you to use it... because it's as good as anybody can do in this office." "You're right." "And I don't think it's very fair that you just..." "What?" "I said, "You're right."" "Oh." "She doesn't know what she's saying." "She doesn't mean a word of it." " What?" " Yes, I do." " No, you don't." " Yes, I do." "I just want you to know that I don't want you to quit." "Quit!" "I am not going to quit." " No?" " No." "No." "This isn't the Daily Planet?" "Excuse me." "Lois?" "Clark?" "Jimmy?" "Excuse me." "Jason, what were you thinking?" " At which embarrassing point?" " Are you trying to get me fired?" "No, I came down here to keep you from quitting." "Yesterday you told me to quit." " Well, that was bad advice." " That I relied on." "Well, today I rushed down here to stop you from following it." " Why didn't you follow it?" " Because it was bad advice." "Okay, I admit it." "I liked the idea of you coming back and taking over the house, Maggie." "I've been feeling trapped." "And you saw Long Island General as a way out?" "You knew about that?" "When I was leaving this morning I happened to find this." ""Reasons to take the job." "Reasons to turn it down."" " Guess you probably read it, too." " Yup." "Both columns." "Jason, why didn't you tell me about the offer?" "Well, because I didn't want it to seem like I was telling you to quit... so that I could pursue my opportunity." "Which I was." "You really want to take Hal's offer, don't you?" "I considered it." "And then I made out this list and... it came out clearly against." "Jason, it's 9-to-1 in favor of taking the job." "Yes, but the one reason not to... the one called "Maggie," that's more important to me than all the rest." "You're terrific." "Hey, well, it's only fair." "You know, I guess it's my turn to stay home... with Gilligan, and the Skipper, and the millionaire." "What?" "Well, you gotta ask Mike." "He's the new philosopher of the family." "Mr. Purlow's feelings of paranoia have been greatly reduced... by the realization of the fact that he is indeed universally disliked." " On the bright side..." " Dad?" "In here, Carol." "Hi, honey." "How was Career Day?" "Well, see, I realized that most jobs hang by a slender thread... so I decided not to do Mom's job and I did Emily Sullivan's father's job, instead." " What does he do?" " He's a clerk at the unemployment office." "Hey, great news, Dad." "If I heard it once, I heard it a hundred times today." "When I was sick, every teacher mentioned that it was not the same there... without me disrupting class and making stupid comments." " That's great news?" " Yeah, well, it is to me." "I mean, the 10th grade may not revolve around me... but they sure know when I'm not there." "Hey, Carol, come on." "Gilligan's on and we can't stop it." "Thus ends another day in the life of a great psychiatrist... not behind the facade of a big city hospital, but... right here in the real world." "English"