"(Humming)" "(Skidding)" "You... damn fool!" "You idiot!" "Are you trying to kill yourself?" "Come on, lad." "Come on!" "Good lad." "That were right naughty, Wilf." "You could have got us both killed." "Precisely!" "Don't blame the animal." "You dashed out without a thought!" "I'm sorry, Mr Farnon." "I didn't think. lt were that sudden." "Bilton?" "You're Kit Bilton, aren't you?" " Aye, that's right." "I'm sorry." " Yes, well... I thought he were a goner." " Hmm." "You can think yourself lucky." " Oh, I do." "If it weren't for my reflexes, you'd be the goner." "Pardon?" "You're not walking him out now, are you?" "Oh, no. lt's just that he takes after his namesake, t'wife's brother." "The brainy one of the family." "Aren't you, Wilf?" " (Grunting)" "You see?" "He undid t'latch on t'gate." "He just lifted up his little snout and away he went." "Didn't you, lad?" "(Grunting)" " Understands every word I say." "In that case, give him a good talking-to." "Either that or make the gate Wilf-proof." " Aye, I will." "Or somebody else will bring home the bacon." "Oh, don't say that, Mr Farnon." "Please don't joke about it." "T'wife were saying only this morning he were near his time." "I reckon he must have heard her." "It comes to us all." "My belief is that none of us goes before his time and the good Lord did not intend us to expedite matters." "Pardon?" "I'll bid you good day." "I like your yellow poppy." "Oh..." "Good day, Mr Farnon." "Good day." "Anything wrong, Officer?" " Aye, you might say that, sir." "Your car?" " Yes, it is." "Road Fund Tax." " What about it?" "Out of date, sir." " Oh, yes. lt usually is." "I'm sorry, sir. I have to report it." "Why?" " Why?" "I've no intention of evading the tax." " lt's the law, sir." "Too hell with the law." "What do you take me for?" "A criminal?" "The finance committee can decide that." " The what?" "The finance committee of the council." "They decide whether to prosecute." "Look here..." "You're new, aren't you?" " New?" "Here in Darrowby." " Been here a fortnight." "Then you don't know who I am." " Oh, yes, I do, sir." "Then you'll know a man in my position wouldn't have the faintest intention..." "You're a motorist who owns a vehicle not licensed to be on the road." "I resent your tone." " l'm sorry, sir..." "No, you're not." "And the reason that thing is out of date is entirely your fault." "You gave me the wrong form." " l did?" "Well, your people. I applied for a renewal form." "You gave me Form RF-1 ." "You know as well as I do the appropriate form is RF-1a." "I won't bandy words but I'm afraid I'll have to report this." "4-2..." "I'll do it with some reluctance but you give me no choice." "The motorist is not to be hounded for the ineptitude of the authorities." "(." "Romantic waltz)" "Had a hard day, I see." " Oh, Lord." "What did you say?" " Er, no time to be bored." "Where are those Road Fund Tax forms?" "Road Fund Tax forms?" " That's right." "Where did you put them?" "Where did I put them?" " You're at it again." "At what?" " Always repeating me." "I filled in the wrong form." "They gave you some others." "No, they didn't." "You took in the wrong form, they gave you the right one." "No." " Tristan..." "Wait a minute. I gave them to James." " Where is he?" "He's not back yet." "He said he might pop in to see Helen when he finished." "Who's that down there?" " lt's me, Mrs Hall." "What ARE you doing?" " lt's all right." "Give it here." " l can manage, really." "Why didn't you tell me?" " lt's too heavy for you." "I could carry you upstairs if I wanted." " Yes, I'm sure you could." "Well, I've got summat keeping warm for you." "Thanks but I have already eaten at the farm." "Well, Helen insisted." "It's not fair on her." "She's got enough to do." "And I promised her I'd look after you." "She's had a run of bad luck lately." " Yes." "How is her auntie?" " Well, much the same." "Well, she's in good hands." "That's one blessing." "Would you like a hot drink?" " No, really. I must get this upstairs." "Have you got any washing you want doing, like socks?" "No, thanks, Mrs Hall." "What?" "Nothin'?" " Well, I'll have a look and see." "You gave that to her an' all, didn't you, Mr Herriot?" "I don't know!" "I'll try to remember next time, Mrs Hall." "It doesn't pay to be too independent, tha knows." "Yes." "No." "(." "Ballad on wireless)" "There's no earthly virtue in compulsive tidiness if you can't find anything..." "Ah, James, there you are." "My dear fellow, let me take that." " Thank you." "Er, how's Helen?" "Oh, fine." "She's fine." " And her aunt?" "About the same." " Good." "She'll pull through." "Er, James." "You've no idea, I suppose, when Helen's coming home?" "Well, not yet." "No." " No, of course not." "Stupid of me." "A couple of weeks ago, you brought back some Road Fund Tax forms." "Road F..." "Oh, yes, you filled in the wrong form." "Where are they?" "Do you know?" " l gave them to you." "James..." " With the old form and the logbook." "Ah." "James, you know, you're not exactly persona non grata down here." "Your conversation's almost always enjoyable and it could mean a considerable saving in coal." "Yes." "Well, I'll get cleaned up and then I'll come down." "James!" " Yes?" "Your bag." "Thank you." "(Operatic flourish on wireless)" "Must we have that wretched noise on?" " l've got it on for the news!" "I'm in no mood for that either." "Look at this, look at this." "Ah!" "Look at this." "Just look at it. lt's wicked." "We shall be taxed out of existence soon." "What justification is there for another ten shillings a horsepower?" "It's iniquitous!" "25 shillings per horsepower." "That's a rise of 75°/°." "It's madness, absolute madness." "Maintenance?" "!" "Garages are making a mint." "Petrol, one and six a gallon." "This'll bankrupt us, what with you and James dashing about." "Be fair." "James had to go to Robson's and Heston Grange is next door." "What?" "That's my point exactly." "We're an essential service." "It's not as if we were joyriding." "We should either be exempt or we should be given a rebate but we're up against boneheaded bureaucracy, complete ossification!" "There we are." " No, no." "That's for make of car." "What do you mean?" "What is?" " The line there." "All this tyranny!" "All these papers." "It's a waste of paper, waste of time!" "What's wrong with the old disk, the money and the logbook?" "Why these silly questions in execrable English?" "Don't go on as if it were my fault." " Of course it's your fault." "It's everybody's fault." "If we knuckle under to this mounting flood of bureaucracy we shall end up like Italy or Germany." "Then old Yates won't be only a licensed veterinary inspector - oh, no - he'll be a jackbooted gauleiter!" "You only fill one in once a year!" " Oh, yes, yes." "At the moment." "Then once a month, once a week." "It's the thin end of the totalitarian wedge." "Look at this, "RF1-1"." "Or this, RF-1a, and this, RF-5." "Yet another, RF-8!" "What on earth possessed James to bring back all this rubbish?" "!" "If we don't do something, if we don't make a stand, we shall finish up picketed and docketed to the grave." "I'll give him finance committee." "You'll give who finance committee?" " A boy in a uniform, a child dressed in brief authority." "(Siegfried) Do you know how many motor cars there are?" "Over a million and a half." "We should have some voice!" "We should demand to be heard!" " You can be heard all right!" "(Coughs)" "(Coughs)" "Good morning, James." " Morning." "Good morning, James." " Morning, Siegfried." "No bacon." "Oh, don't say we've scoffed the lot?" "I'll tell Mrs Hall." " Thank you." "Try the bacon, James. lt's first rate." " Yes." "From Elsdale." "A slice or two off Helen's dowry." " A bit late this morning, aren't we?" "No wifely elbow to prod you into action, eh?" "Tristan?" " Yes, Siegfried." "Shut up." "(Mouths)" "Anything on the news?" " l missed, I'm afraid." "I didn't." "There was an item about the NVMA, looking into air-raid precautions for animals." "Air-raid precautions for animals?" "Dear God, not at breakfast." " What?" "You're re..." "My Lord..." "For animals?" " ln the event of a national emergency." "National emergency..." " (Plate rattling)" "Sorry." "It says here the Labour ministry recommends one week's paid holiday per annum as the national norm." ""National norm"!" "Now who's doing it?" "I think it would present some problems." "There are an estimated 37 million farm animals in the kingdom." "Much to say nothing of poultry." "That's probably 56 million." "Then all the cats and dogs - another seven million." "That should keep us busy." " Then don't let us stop you." "Good morning, all." " Morning." "By the way, James..." "Your list's on the desk." " Oh, right." "I don't suppose you'll be seeing Helen today." "I don't think so." "Why?" "Oh, nothing." "Just..." "Give her my love, if you see her." "Oh, yes." "Oh, James..." "A favour." " Oh, what's that?" "If you pass the Town Hall, be a good fellow and pop those in for me." "I'm not sure I could trust myself to maintain my customary self-control." "Of course." " Thank you!" "Come on, dogs!" " (Barking)" "Come on, you boy." "Come on!" "I'm off, Mrs Hall!" " Right, Mr Farnon." "That looks marvellous, Mrs Hall." " Nice and crispy, just as you like it." "You won't have to trim the fat off that." " No." "Mr Farnon and Mr Tristan, they like it fat." "They might be Yorkshire-born." "The fatter, the better." "But my husband were just like you." "Couldn't abide the sight of fat." "Made him sick just to look at it." "I remember, afore we were married, the first time he come to tea." "There was this great ham - all fat, it were, just as my dad liked it." "My husband went quite green." "My mam wouldn't take no for an answer, and I were no help to him." "I didn't know him well then - not his likes and dislikes, any road - so I nagged at him to eat it up." "Well, did he?" " Aye." "Just to please me." " That's what I call devotion." "Aye." "But he couldn't keep hold of it." " Oh?" "No." "Brought it all back, every scrap." "Oh..." "Remembered it to his dying day." " Well..." "I'm not surprised." "I'll get you some more coffee." "Thank you, Mrs Hall." "Thank you, Mr Tristan." " My pleasure." "Any more coffee going?" "There might be." "What?" "No surgery?" "The waiting room is conspicuous by its emptiness." "James." " Yes?" "Are you seeing Helen tonight?" " l don't think I should." "Why?" "Fancy a spot of consolation?" " Spot of what?" "How would you like to engage pleasurably in a little scientific research?" "How?" " Comparing ales in the area's hostelries." "Pub crawl." " You've hit the nail on the head." "You know what I'm like on the beer." " Then practise!" "(Telephone) - ls that not the telephone?" "Remember Daphne Arkwright?" " The nurse?" "The clinging one?" "Like a mantis?" " Yes." "No, thanks." " No, no, she's mine." "But she prefers the pictures." " What's on?" "It Happened One Night. I don't want to." " What?" "!" "Go to the pictures." "But she won't go on a crawl unless I bring a friend." "What for?" " For her friend, the delightful Doris." "You are speaking to a married man." "Have I proposed anything disreputable?" "Not yet." " Telephone call, Mr Tristan." "Name of Cook." " Oh, thanks, Mrs Hall." "Thanks, Mrs Hall." " l've been thinking, Mr Herriot..." "Again, I don't want to talk out of turn but..." "Wouldn't you be happier in your old room with Mrs Herriot away?" "Yes, and it would be better for you." " l weren't thinking of myself but you would be warmer even without a fire." "It's a very good idea, Mrs Hall." " Right, I'll make up t'bed then." "Cook." "Lilac Cottage." "Marston Hall." "Bitch overdue for whelping." "I'll call in on the way to Colonel Merrick." "She's quite beautiful." " Oh, what breed?" "I'm talking about Doris!" "Morning, Mr Herriot." " Hello, Mr Sykes." "Mrs Cook, I'm Herriot of Farnon and Herriot. I've come to see the bitch." "This is my Cindy, my little love." "This nice gentleman's come to make you better. lsn't she lovely?" "What's the trouble?" " Her pups." "She hasn't had them, has she?" " No, that's the trouble." "I've been up all night." "I'll die if anything happens to her." "She doesn't seem distressed." "Any sign of labour?" "How do you mean?" " Any panting or signs of distress?" "No." " Oh." "Any discharge?" "Oh, no." "Nothing like that." "Well, it would be easier to examine her indoors." "Thank you." "Could I have some warm water, soap and a towel?" "Can you take Cindy for me?" " Yes, of course." "It's all right, Cindy. I'm just going to get the water." "Mummy won't be long." "It's all right, it's all right." "It's all right." "You have got some pups in there, haven't you?" "There we are." "It's all right, it's all right." "(Low yelping)" "There's nothing to worry about here." "She's got lots of pups but seems happy." "And her temperature... is normal." " l'd just as soon you made sure." "Yes, of course." "Can you hold her head, please?" "Who's Mummy's little love?" "Yes, she's a brave girl." "She's a beautiful girl." " Good dog, Cindy." "Good dog." "Cindy's nowhere near whelping, Mrs Cook." "Did you got the dates right?" " Aye, 63 days come yesterday." "Well, those puppies aren't ready yet." "I'd better tell thee, young man." "Cindy's deceptive." "She's what?" " Cindy's had pups before." "Two year ago in Broughton." "Mr Greer the vet came." "You know him?" " Oh, yes." "Well, he gave her an injection." "It were like magic." "She had the puppies half an hour later." "It would be pituitrin." "She must have been whelping at the time." "Whatever it was, I wish you'd give her some. lt's such a strain." "Sorry, I can't do that." " Why ever not?" "It would be harmful now." " lt wasn't before." "It's not what's given, it's when." "So you're not giving her anything?" "!" "Oh, yes. I've got some tablets, to keep her fit till she's ready." "Tablets?" "Oh, I'd sooner she had the injection." "It didn't take Mr Greer more than a second to do." "I assure you, Mrs Cook, it can't be done at the moment." "If you won't, you won't." "And my name's not Cook." "Isn't it?" " No!" "And you better get them tablets." "It's all right, Cindy, love." "The nasty man's gone now." "Oh, dear, dear, dear." "Poor little love." "Mr Sykes..." "Who's that lady?" "Cook." " No, she said that wasn't her surname." "She's t'cook at t'hall." "Oh." "(Engine spluttering)" "What's her name?" "!" "(Drowned out by engine)" " What?" "(inaudible)" "Booby." "There, Mrs Booby." "These'll make her right as rain." "I wish you'd speak to Mr Greer." " Please. I did explain." "Pituitrin now would be very harmful." " Yes but..." "Wait, I..." "Excuse me, gentlemen." "Excuse me." "Oh, I said I didn't want another one." "Come on, Daphne, keep me company." " We'll miss the other picture!" "There's one on with it" " City Streets, wi' Gary Cooper and Sylvia Sidney." "I read about it in Picturegoer." " Drink up, then." "That's your third." "You'll be getting up and going to the toilet all the time." "And can we move?" "He's giving me the creeps." "That's Kit Bilton." "He's having a lovely time." "He's crying." " Must have killed a pig." "What?" " He's killed a pig." "Why does he do it?" " lt's cheaper than butcher's meat." "A lot of people do it here." "They fatten up a pig on the leavings." "We even had a go until fate took a hand." "Never mind, Mr Bilton." "It's in a good cause." "He were a Christian, he were." "A Christian." "And I..." "And now they're cuttin' him up and cooking' him." "They're cuttin' my Wilf up and cooking' him." "Oh, I say." " l just can't watch. I can't do it." "It does you credit, Mr Bilton." "He turned and he looked at m..." "Them little eyes, full of love and trust." "He turned and he looked at me..." "He knew. I know he knew." " Of course he knew, Mr Bilton." "(Splutters) No!" "What did he know?" "That's the point." "It's my opinion that he always knew." "Porcine destiny, Mr Bilton." "He knew, as his fathers knew, that he was destined for your table, to feed your family, to live on... in you." "Stop it!" "You're being wicked." " l'm offering him a crumb of comfort..." "Do you really think they know, Mr Farnon?" "You really believe that?" "I'm convinced of it." " But that look in them piggy eyes." "It's the breeding, you see?" " Breeding?" "It's bred into them, a sort of racial memory." "The look in those little eyes wasn't one of reproach." "Oh, if only I could believe that." "Then why don't you?" "I loved that pig." "He were a friend." "More, he were one of the family." "I felt more for that pig than anybody in here!" "When I say that, Mr Farnon, I hope you'll understand." "I do, Mr Bilton, I do and so did your friend." "Aye, do you reckon?" " l reckon." "You said yourself he was a Christian." "He was merely turning the other cheek." "Believe me, greater love hath no pig." "Then there's the wife." "That doesn't help." " She'll get over it." "There's nowt for her to be over!" "She's up there cutting' him up and cooking' him, happy as the day is long." "I can't bear to watch it." "She's got no heart, no feelings." "Well, women are different." "They're, er, more primitive." "Oh, thanks(!" ")" "It's in their nature. lt's basic, fundamental - the earth mother." "They can't afford to think about what they're doing to a poor pig." "When there are other pigs and mouths to be fed, their feelings are directed by successive generations listening to their mothers." "What do they hear down the centuries as they cut up the chops?" ""The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."" "What chance have they?" "Even the Queen of Hearts made tarts." "By gaw, Mr Farnon, I hadn't thought of it like that." "Think on, Mr Bilton." "Think on." "I must get the poor devil a pint." " No!" "Hello..." "Oh, hello. I'm waiting for Mr Farnon." " What can I do for you?" "Oh, no, I mean Mr Tristan Farnon." " Oh, my little brother?" "Oh, yes!" " And what a lucky young fellow he is." "Why's he keeping you waiting?" " He's changing his trousers." "We had an accident, with some beer." "Sounds suitably juvenile." "He's left you nothing to drink." "What may I offer you?" "Oh, no, thanks." "He did ask." " He should have insisted." "Sit you down." "Gin and Italian." " Not for me, but don't let me stop you." "Oh, we're late as it is. lf he takes much longer, we'll miss the big picture." "Going to the cinema?" " lt Happened One Night." "What did?" " No!" "It's the name of the picture." "With Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert." "Tell me more." "Such as... your name." "Mine's Siegfried." " lt's Daphne." "Stephanie?" " No, Daphne." "Daphne?" " Daphne Arkwright." "Daphne, belov'd of Apollo." "How long have you known my brother?" " About a year, off and on." "Off and on?" "Lucky beggar." "Why don't you come, too?" "To the cinema?" " Yeah, why don't you?" "My dear young lady, have you never heard that three is a crowd?" "However, if the invitation were to be repeated on a different occasion, I should find it utterly irresistible." " (Knock at door)" "Come in." "Hello, Mrs Hall." "Just seeing if there's owt you wanted." " No, thanks, Mrs Hall." "Good night." "Good night, Mr Farnon." "We're giving a dance on Saturday." "We?" " The nurses at the infirmary." "Why don't you come?" "I usually do pop over to Broughton on a Saturday, but...to see my mother." "Would it hurt to give her a miss for one week?" "Probably not. lsn't Tristan taking you?" "All Tristan's doing is taking me for granted." "Oh, the young. lt's so sad..." "You see, it takes experience to understand a woman's feelings, to get to grips, as it were, with her...needs." "Oh, come." "Do come." "My dear Daphne, I find you utterly irresistible." "Will you give me time to think," " Of course." "to see how I'm placed?" " As long as you come." "We've got an extension as well." "Evening, Siegfried." " Hello, my boy." "You've met, I see." "You smell revolting." "It is a bit pervasive. I didn't have time to run a bath." "The water's not hot." "Hadn't we better go?" " Yes, don't want to miss the big picture." "It Happened One Night." " So I hear." "Off we go, then." "Well, good night, Mr Farnon." "Siegfried." "Good night, dear Daphne." "You'll think about it?" " Of nothing else." "Oh, good night." " Enjoy yourselves." "Accidents permitting." "(Bells chiming)" "(Telephone)" "Darrowby 8-5." "Says farmers feel nothing for their animals." "Cruel, you mean?" " Not exactly." "He meant..." "Morning." "Sorry, James, it's your dog lady again." "Oh, not again!" "Every day this week." " lt'll be twice tomorrow." "What's that?" " Every weekday and twice on Sundays." "Any news?" "Germans carving up Czechoslovakia." "What happened to that lovely bacon?" " Better ask Mrs Hall." "That woman is a pest." "Booby by name and Booby by nature." "She wants a pituitrin injection." " Well?" "She's not ready for it yet." " Oh, I see." "Here we are. "Can farm..."" ""Can farmers become fond of their animals?" ""Take a farmer milking, say, 50 cows." "Can he become emotionally involved?"" "Not if he's normal." " Huh?" ""Or are they merely milk-producing units?"" "Like nurses." " Pardon?" "Nurses can't become involved." " Can't they just." "With their patients!" "Yeah, James, I think you're probably right." "Of course, the question of numbers comes into it." "Brother, you're spot on." "It is about numbers and it is for charity." "What are you on about?" " The nurses' dance." "They've not sold many tickets and it could be a disaster." "Will you come, James?" " Sorry." "James is a respectably married man." "You then." "You're not even respectable." " Meaning?" "It's a joke, Siegfried, a joke." "Not a good one." "In fact, I've already been invited but not wishing to steal your thunder, I've declined." "I shall pop and see Mother instead." "Yes, she told me you've been neglecting her." "I've been waiting for you." "Four hours!" " l came as soon as I could." "You won't waste time?" " l'll try not to." "Mr Greer just got on wi' it." "Ah." "Come on, then." "We're all ready for you." "Come on, Cindy, my little bubble." "There's Mother's little love." "Are you certain that Cindy was served on the date you gave me?" "Aye, I think so." " You think so, but you're not sure?" "Yes, I am." "You can't recall if the dog came again?" " No." "But he might have." " What does it matter?" "If Cindy mated again, it would make a difference." "She wouldn't be due till tomorrow." "Can't you get it done?" "I'm at the end of my tether." "I know how you feel, Mrs Booby." "Won't you do something?" " l wish I could." "I'll die if anything happens to Cindy." "You're just being cruel." "If I did what you suggest, that would be cruel." "Cindy could die." "You see, the injection contracts the muscles of the uterus but the animal must be in labour." "Doing it now could rupture the uterus." "You wouldn't want that." " lt didn't happen before." "She was obviously in labour before." "I'll look in tomorrow." "Wait!" " Don't worry, Mrs Booby." "And my name's not Booby." " lsn't it?" "Then may I ask..." "Dooley." " Dooley?" "Right." "Yes, Mrs Booby." "No, Mrs Booby." "Three bags full, Mrs Booby." "(Giggling)" "Now..." "(Tristan giggling)" "I don't like it." " What alternative is there?" "Do you want to spend the night in that phone box?" "Oh, I'm cold." " Mm." "Fire's out." "Drinkies!" "No, thanks. I want to get to bed." "I'm on duty at eight!" "Oh, come on, then." "Do you think I could phone again from here?" "Now, it's my considered opinion... that the staff of Darrowby Infirmary are very infirm indeed." "Stewed as newts, sleeping it off." " l'll kill that Bistle!" "I can't think what you're worried about." "Are you sure it's the spare room?" " l do live here." "Yeah, and you've drunk too much." " Daphne, you hurt me." "I drink like a gentleman. I'm not a cad." " Aren't you?" "Oh, come on." "Shh." "(Sniggering)" "(lt's in here." "The bathroom's along there." "Night, night.)" "Night." "I'll leave the light on just in case you need it." "(Muttering)" "Oh, I love you." "Oh, Daphne..." "Daphne?" "James?" " l had to wake him up." "What's the game?" "!" " l thought... I have been in there since Monday." "I'm terribly sorry... I know what you're thinking." "Daphne got locked out of the nurses' home." "Oh, yes(!" ") - lt's Sister Bistle." "Sister Bistle." " She's in charge of the nurses' home." "Real stickler." "You're in on time or you're locked out." "She won't even answer the phone." " Locks the office to stop us using it." "Well..." " James, you wouldn't..." "No, I would not. lt is freezing up there and there are no bedclothes." "I've had a hard day uncomforted by riotous living." "I intend to return to bed and address myself to sleep." "Good morning." "You sound just like Siegfried." " l feel just like Siegfried!" "Well... I don't like it." "(Telephone)" "Oh." "Ah, James." "Oh, all right." "(Ringing continues)" "Why should he be stone-deaf?" "He is back, I suppose, is he?" " Yes." "Damned late." " Hmm." "(Ringing continues)" "Oh, thank you, James." "Good morning." "Oh, hello, Mr Horner." "What's the trouble?" "Oh, I see." "Yes, of course." "I'll come out as quick as I can." "Mm-hm." "All right." "Bye." "Can you cope?" " lt's Horner, Croxley." "A really..." "A really difficult calving." "Really?" " Mm-hm." "Well, rather you than me." "Good night." " Good night." "(Lowing)" "is there owt I can do to help, Mr Herriot?" "No, thanks, Mr Horner..." "He's well and truly stuck." "He's big and she isn't." "That's the trouble." "He's getting dry all the time." "Aye, he will do." "T'water bag burst two hours ago now." "I've just got to get this rope behind his ears to stop his neck telescoping." "Yes, got it." "Good." "All right, my girl." "Come on." "Come on." "Come on... (Telephone)" "All right, all right." "Darrowby 8-5." "Mr Herriot's not in." "He's out on a call." "Can I help?" "Oh, yes, I remember..." "Yes, yes." "Yes, of course you are." "Well, now, look here." "Erm, don't worry." "I'll be along." "Goodbye." "Lazy, good-for-nothing, slovenly, slothful, hopeless, hopeless child!" "One of these days I'm gonna lose my temper..." "When this room doesn't stink like a distillery, it pongs like a brewery." "How you expect to get anywhere when you're eternally anaesthetised is more than I can..." "Daphne?" "Morning." " Oh, my dear girl..." "Where is he?" "Oh, no, it's all right." "Really." "Ee, that were a reet hard struggle, lad." "(Lowing)" "Worth it, Mr Horner." " Aye, he's champion." "You'll have a cup of tea, won't you?" " Yes, thanks. I could do with one." "(Lowing)" "(Siegfried) Mrs Hall?" "Mrs Hall!" "Ah, good morning, Mrs Hall!" "You remember Miss Arkwright, don't you?" "I should say Nurse Arkwright. I promised her one of your superb breakfasts." "They don't feed them enough at the infirmary." "She's all skin and bone." "Look sharp." "She's on duty at eight." "Are you having breakfast, Mr Farnon?" " No, I'm afraid not." "Duty beckons me." "I return you with great reluctance to my brother's tender mercies." "Hope you've come to no harm from your little experience." "Oh, goodbye, Mr Farnon and thank you." " Siegfried, Siegfried..." "Siegfried..." "You'd better come in here." " Thanks." "Mr Tristan, what have you been up to this time?" "Thank you, Mrs Horner." "Will you sit down with my husband and have a bit of breakfast?" "Yes, I'd like to. I'm ravenous." " D'you hear that, Mother?" "Ravenous." "Like Ben here." "Well, come on, lad." "Sit yourself down." "There's nowt like a calving to work up an appetite and you could do with fattening up." "It's no wonder you feel t'cold." "There's nothin' of you, Mr Herriot." "Your missus ought to feed you more." "She gives me more than enough." " He works it off." "Like I used to." "You should have seen him out there, Mother." "Aye." "Well, he'll not leave here hungry." " No!" "I know what that means." "What?" " Just you wait and see." "Just you wait and see." "Owt on t'seven o'clock news, Mother?" " l didn't have it on." "Tha's think there's gonna be a war?" "Well..." "Let's hope not, eh, Mr Horner." "It'll take more than hope, lad, the way things are looking." "I doubt we'll be as lucky up here as last time." "We never went short of food then, not like in t'towns... but if we have it again," "it'll be waste not, want not." "It'll be waste not, want not any road - war or not." "And what about this new car tax?" " Yeah, a bit nasty." "Up to 25 bob." "And there's a rumour income tax is going up." "Who can pay that?" "Sinful, that's what it is!" "They brought in t'tax in t'last war, saying they'd get rid of it when it were over." "20 year later, we've still got it, wi' knobs on." "More tea, Mr Herriot?" "Oh, yes, please, Mrs Horner." "Ben, no begging' at t'table." "This ain't for the likes o' thee." "There you are, Mr Herriot." "Thank you, Mrs Horner." "Now, come on." "Eat up." "I'm going to make sure you get it all down yer." "(Mr Horner burps)" "Nice bit o' bacon." "Delicious." "Absolutely delicious." "Yet, tha knows, I've met people - not Dales folk - who have no liking for it." "No(?" ")" "That's right, isn't it, Mother?" " Aye." "Say it makes 'em sick." "Like it lean." "There's no taste like that." "No taste at all - like eatin' straw." "And it's not just the taste." "It's the feel of it." "The feel of it going down." "I like to feel the grease, runnin' down me chin!" "(Mother) Oh, now, then, Frank!" "(Burping)" "Oh, it's coffee." "I always have tea." "If it's all the same, could I have brown bread, toasted?" "Mr Tristan, will you be having breakfast, too?" "Might as well, Mrs Hall." "Did you sleep well?" " Yes, thanks, when I was allowed to!" "I'm sorry." " That's all right." "You couldn't help it." "You won't be late, will you?" " No, Siegfried woke me in plenty of time." "Did he say anything?" " He was furious, before he realised." "Realised what?" "!" " That I was alone." "Oh, I see." "He's all right now, then?" " Oh, yes." "Your brother was wonderful, a perfect gentleman." "He can teach you a thing or two." " Yes, he does, often." "He makes a woman feel like a woman." "If you know what I mean." " l think I catch on." "You notice men in my job." " l suppose you do, yes." "Get to know things." "I suppose you could call it...intimate." "I suppose you could." " Nice men are good to their mothers." "Have you noticed?" " Can't say I have." "Like your brother." "Do you see a lot of your mother?" "Not a lot." "Why?" " He does, doesn't he?" "A fair bit." " Going tonight, he said." "Oh, did he?" " Why don't you go instead?" "Me?" "Then he could put off going." "Said he'd try to." "Oh, did he?" "Ah, good." "They're looking after you." "Daphne, what time did you say you came off duty tonight?" "Half past seven." "Supposing I were to call for you about eight o'clock." "Oh, lovely." "Splendid." "Goodbye." "Poor Mother..." "Thank you, Mrs Horner, for...an unforgettable breakfast." "I'll just see how the newcomer's getting on." "(Cock crows)" "(Heaves)" "Mr Herriot!" "Mr Herriot!" "Mr Herriot, the missus won't take no for an answer." "There's a nice bit of bacon and...a jar of piccalilli." "Oh, how very kind of her." "Thank you, Mr Horner." " That's all right, lad." "You enjoy 'em." "Here, Cindy." "Here's nice Mr Whatsisname." "Go on, then." "(Yapping)" "Isn't she a lovely little mother?" "She's a different dog since her puppies." " She's had them?" "Yes!" "Come and have a look." "There they are - four of them." "Oh, yes, and little beauties, aren't they?" "Well, that is fine, Mrs Dooley." "Mr Farnon came." "Oh?" " He said you were doing summat else." "Yes." "Well, all's well that ends well, eh?" "Lovely man, Mr Farnon." "Just like Mr Greer." "Yes." "Yes, he is." "Came right out and gave her that injection." "He wasn't out of the door before she started." "Well, that is fine, Mrs Dooley." "I told you what to do, didn't I?" "It only needed just a little..." "Yes, but at the proper time." "You must realise, Mrs Dooley..." "Now, now, young man, be fair." "Look, I'm not blaming you." "You're young and some people have more experience." "We all have to learn, don't we?" "Why don't you get that lovely Mr Farnon to show you how?" "Honestly, he wasn't out of the door." "Mrs Dooley, you must realise..." " Don't get on your high horse with me." "We've managed without you so I'm not complaining." "No." "Quite right." "Well, erm..." "Bye, Mrs Dooley." " Good lad." "Oh, Mr, er..." "There's just one more thing." "My name's not Mrs Dooley." "Isn't it?" " No. lt's Miss." "Cindy!" "Cindy!" "Cindy, back here." "Come on, girl." "Come on, Cindy!" "Cindy!" "There she is!" "A little girl!" "Good little girl..." "Miss Dooley, a little something for the mother." "Oh, thank you, Mr, er..." "That's for you, Cindy."