"So..." "Felicity..." "Hi." "Harry, Pavel..." "Hi." "Paul." "Everyone, this is Bill, your new housemate." "Be nice!" "Six bedrooms?" "I've got audio equipment. so some extra space would be good." "I'd quite like underfloor heating." "This is bedroom five..." "It hasn't got a door...?" "And bedroom six is through there." "As you can see, this offers more space." "What do other people do?" "Other people have money." "Forgive me, but are you looking for somewhere to live?" "Oh, wow!" "Oh, mate, check out the tower." "I'm afraid the tower is unsafe." "Bill, look at it!" "Yeah, but why's it so cheap?" "This place is great!" "The rooms are HUGE!" "Can I move in tonight?" "My halls are kicking me out." "Yes." "Yes, of course." "So, you'll sign the contract?" "Yes!" "Of course." "Bill?" "What?" "No, no!" "No, no!" "Stop!" "NEEDLE SCRATCHES AND SKIPS" "Stop!" "HE SCREAMS" "Three... two... one..." "FAINT THRUMMING" "That's all you've got?" "I thought you'd have loads." "Thanks for helping, yeah?" "You should hire this out." "Like a removal service..." "Removals?" "Bill, I'm a Time Lord..." ""Time Lord"?" "What's that?" "Your job?" "No!" "It's, er, my people, my species." "Doesn't sound like a species." "Sounds posh, like, "Yes, my lord!" Doff my cap." "Oh, well, that's why I gave it up." "Ran away." "SHE SCOFFS "Time Lords" That's hilarious!" "Do you wear robes and big hats?" "No, big collars mostly." "Do you want the postcode?" "Sorry?" "To find the house?" "Bill, the TARDIS uses multi-dimensional space-time coordinates." "So, you know where it is?" "OK, right, put the postcode in here." "Saw the bedroom." "Do you sleep here?" "If I need to." "Done?" "Yeah." "HE CRANKS LEVER "If I need to"?" "What does that mean?" "TARDIS THRUMS Sleep's for tortoises." "Not "Time Lords"?" "No!" "Unless we've regenerated or had a big lunch. "Regenerated"?" "Oh, the questions, the questions, the questions...!" "Just remember "Time Lords"." "That's enough for now." "FAINT THUD Oh, here we are!" "Oh, I'll use the TARDIS." "Take it all to your room." "Firstly, I don't know which one my room is, and, secondly, that's weird and I want to make a good impression." "It's cool, I'll just, um... get everything out of the TARDIS and then you can go." "Thanks for the lift, though!" "Bye!" "That's your house?" "Sharing." "Yeah." "Six of us." "Renting." "I thought you were students?" "Yeah, I was like, "What's the catch?"" "but, actually, it's fine, just a bit draughty." ""Draughty"?" "I meant draughty inside." "Interesting." "I'll help you in." "No, no, no - it's fine!" "You really don't have to!" "Really not a problem!" "No!" "Wait!" "Honestly, um... if you just..." "If you just go and do history or whatever..." "Hey!" "Where have you been?" "I thought..." "Oh, you're the Doctor." "Yes, hi, can I get past?" "He's just helping with the move." "Helping?" "He's just my..." "Friend... grandad." "Wait, I don't look old enough to... to hold that box for very long." "Yeah!" "How exciting is this?" "!" "Oh, wow!" "Doctor!" "Legend!" "He's my grandad." "Aw!" "Come on!" "Father, at least." "Please!" "All right, grand-FATHER." "You really can go now, though." "Thanks for the help." "Job done!" "OK." "Bye." "Bye." "He's your grandad?" "That's awesome!" "Mine went greypacking on the Great Wall Of China with his boyfriend, but they got arrested for trying to steal a bit." "Bit of what?" "The wall." "OK...!" "You want a hand?" "Uh, yeah." "Thanks." "I keep thinking there's going to be one of those bookcases that you pull special books and it's a secret passage!" "Yeah." "Spooky!" "Met Pavel on my first day." "Often does this." "Sits in his room for days." "Says it gets him in the zone." "All these lot are empty." "Yeah, this is nice." "I picked my room before I'd even seen up here." "I thought you wanted the tower?" "Yeah, I wish." "Can't find a way in." "There's a freshers' party in the park tonight." "This lot aren't interested, but it could be fun." "Or not!" "But either way, I was saying we should throw our own party." "You know, pop-up!" "Freestyle!" "Boom!" "Yeah, sounds good." "See you later, then." "Sure." "Here you go, Mum." "My own place." "You proud?" "Thanks!" "Rrrrrrrr!" "Stop it." "There's no living puddles or... weird robots, big fish, just a new house, and people you don't know." "Not scary at all." "I just get nervous when there's no reception." "Like something bad's going to happen." "Have to get a landline." ""Landline"!" "What is this?" "Scotland?" "Actually, I was unpacking just now and heard this... tapping, little footsteps, like, in the room above?" "What?" "!" "Oo-oo-oo-ooh!" "Maybe it's a little doll that's come to life." "Or a massive, freaky spider." "Probably just a mouse." "Yeah, we know!" "Just messing with her." ""Mice"?" "If there's mice, I'm leaving." "What's that?" "!" "Pavel?" "Pavel's upstairs." "Paul, go and have a look." "Why me?" "You're physically the biggest." "And the most expendable." "It's in the kitchen." "It's all right." "I'll go." "CLATTERING NEARBY Maybe it's just the central heating?" "SONIC SCREWDRIVER TRILLS There isn't any." "I thought..." "He'd gone home!" "Me, too!" "Isn't any what?" "Central heating." "I've been looking around." "Inside and out." "Very interesting." "Lots of wood." "Why are you still here?" "Do you know what that is?" "That's an oil-burning heater." "You might need it." "There's no washing machine either." "The hob is from the '30s." "Thanks very much." "The power sockets will not take your devices." "Oh!" "I thought it was just my room." "No, no, no." "They're out of date." "What's that... smell?" "Is that Chinese food?" "I love Chinese!" "Doctor...!" "There might be a few old things, but it just needs updating." "It's not like there's some massive mystery going on." "Did you hear the trees creaking outside when we arrived?" "Yeah." "It was the wind." "There wasn't any wind." "You should find another house." "Mm, I don't think so." "The rooms are really big." "Exactly, it's still the best place for the money." "I'll just call the landlord, sort it out." "You can't." "No reception." "OK, so I'll go down the hill..." "Oh!" "Hi." "Didn't hear you come in." "For a man such as myself, discretion is second nature." "So, a gathering." "You're all here..." "No, except one." " Pavel's upstairs." " And one in addition." "He's the Doctor." "Doctor...?" "BILL STAMMERS Yeah, he's my... grandfather." "You're assisting with the relocation?" "That's right, yeah." "It's a heartbreaking experience, to leave one's charge behind." "All alone in the big, wide world." "Indeed." "Yes." "You got children?" "I..." "Yes, a daughter." "But I'm most fortunate." "She's still under my protection." "So long as that's the case, I'm most content." "So, I was calling to see if everything was satisfactory?" "Actually, there are a few things..." "Yes, I see." "Go on." "No central heating?" "The power sockets are wrong." "A landline." "Some new furniture." "There's no mobile reception." "And some curtains." "Carpets?" "Have you got a cat?" "CRUNCH!" "A cat?" "Yeah, um, Harry said that he heard some noise upstairs, like walking around?" "No cats." "No pets." "You understand I won't be able to do any of this tonight?" "But as soon as possible." "Yes." "Knock on wood." "Do what I can." "WOOD CREAKS" "That's another thing, the house is really creaky." "Everything you touch, it's like, "Eeeeuuuurrr!"" "It's unavoidable, my dear." "How do you get into the tower?" "You don't!" "The tower is specifically excluded from the terms of our agreement." "Oh, right, well..." "Thank you." "No tower." "Got it." "Right." "Are you staying here tonight?" "Yes." "No, he's not." "I'm not sure." "There's no reason to." "I probably will." "There isn't a bed, so..." "All right." "Sorry, excuse me." "Sorry, sorry, sorry..." "Who, um..." "Who's the Prime Minister?" "I beg your pardon?" "Margaret Thatcher?" "Harriet Jones?" "Wilson?" "Eden?" "I think it's better to leave your granddaughter with her friends." "They seem respectable, and I'll keep an eye, of course." "I'll attend to your requirements in the morning." "In the meantime, sleep well." "I take it back." "You're fine." "HE'S weird." "Oh!" "The washing machine!" "That's weird." "He's not there." "That's it!" "SCRITCHING" "That's the noise I heard." "Fascinating..." "It's just pipes." "I'm going to bed." "Yeah." "Might go up, as well." "Me, too - locking my door though!" "Grandfather?" "Hello!" "Yeah." "Perhaps you should leave now?" "No, I'm fine." "Or at least then, go and sleep outside in... the car?" "Are you two tired?" "Well..." "Good!" "No, I'm going to hang about with Simon." "Harry." "And Florence." "Felicity." "Yeah, why?" "Well, we're going to chill." "Yeah?" "Yeah, OK." "Yes." "Put some tunes on." "Yes?" "Yes!" "All right." "See?" "I'm good at making friends." "Give me your phone." "But why?" "There's no reception." "Phone." "Black Magic by Little Mix" "I LOVE this." "Do you know who this is?" "Do I know who this is?" "Yes, I know who this is..." "Yeah, it's Spotify so it's probably random." ""Little..." "Mix"." "You like Little Mix?" "Clearly she does." "Look!" "There's a whole playlist here." "What else have you got on it?" "Can I have a word, please?" "Honestly, Doctor, there's nothing going on." "Nothing weird, nothing alien." "Just an old house and a dodgy landlord, which is pretty standard for students." "I'll see you later for more exciting TARDIS action, but, basically, this is the bit of my life that you're not in." "You know what I mean?" "I know what you mean." "Thanks." "So, up the wooden hill you go." "Sleep well." "OK..." "Maybe before you do, you should check on your friend, who hasn't been seen for a day and who has strange music coming out of his room." "They said he just does that." "Nobody "just does" anything." "You're not leaving, are you?" "No." "Your friend will probably be fine." "HE TAPS Knock on wood." "We need to have a talk about your taste in music." "You coming up?" "Yeah." "Oh, this freaky Scooby-Doo house!" "Bill, if you get scared in the night, you know where I am, yeah?" "What?" "Just, if you need any... of my help, or my whatever, you know?" "Yeah, um..." "I get that you're into me, but, um, sorry, you're not my type." "It's just, I tend to go for girls, usually, so..." "Oh!" "Oh, right!" "I was never in with a chance." "Awesome!" "CREAKING Jeez!" "Stop!" "This is what I'm talking about." "This stuff really freaks you out, doesn't it?" "No." "It's just annoying!" "Ah." "Go to bed!" "Sure." "See you in the morning..." "Agh!" "Night, then!" "Why didn't you get a room next to me, like we said?" "What?" "I don't know." "Doesn't mean anything." "I'm not cool enough, is that it?" "No." "Shut up!" "These are my mates, too." "PAUL IMITATES GHOST" "Paul!" "Not funny!" "Do you fancy him?" "No!" "Who?" "Paul?" "Why?" "No." "HE YELLS Hey!" "It's not funny!" "Paul?" "!" "Are you OK?" "SHE KNOCKS Mate, come on." "We got the joke." "See?" "He's fine!" "OK!" "See you in the morning." "What?" "Er, what's going on?" "Paul?" "We should get the Doctor." "Why, what's he going to do?" "Lecture?" "Just a normal day, just a normal day..." "Up!" "Do you like this music, Doctor?" "Reminds me of Quincy Jones." "I stepped in for him once." "The bassist he'd hired turned out to be a Klarj Neon Death Voc-Bot." "What was worse, he couldn't play." "This is very interesting." "The door?" "Because it isn't." "Isn't...?" "A door." "Any more." "Try to open it." "Come on." "Shireen did it a minute ago." "DOOR RATTLES So, it's locked." "No." "Look." "It's completely sealed." "I don't understand..." "The shutters." "What about them?" "Closed by themselves." "Sealed." "So... we're trapped!" "Maybe that's the idea." "What do you mean?" "SCRITCHING" "What's that?" "No, no, no!" "There's something in here." "I can't be trapped!" "I can't!" "Wait!" "Don't go out there!" "I can't be trapped!" "Agh!" "Great." "Now, we're stuck here." "Why did you try and stop her?" "!" "Listen!" "SHE SHIVERS Police..." "Call the police..." "Call..." "What happened to her?" "What's going on?" "Do you think it's like she said?" "A thing?" "Maybe." "And so, is it out there now?" "Or in here?" "Or both?" "I'm scared." "Don't be." "Why not?" "It doesn't help." "Who's there?" "Agh!" "God!" "Pavel?" "Pavel?" "Do you think he can hear us?" "It'll be OK." "Is this what happened to Paul?" "Do we call an ambulance?" "No reception." "Shireen, please, sort the record out." "HE SNUFFLES AGITATEDLY Oh, no!" "Wait, wait, wait!" "Is it something to do with the music?" "Did someone do this to you?" "I have no desire to intrude, but I felt there was a problem..." "How did you get up here?" "It's sealed shut!" "Music can be pleasant, but a simple repetition like that... it's merely a distraction from the inevitable." "Hope is its own form of cruelty." "MUSIC STOPS" "Pavel!" "No, wait!" "Put it back!" "Oh, look!" "He's released." "Mercy at last." "Beautiful, isn't it?" "Nature contained." "He's preserved in the walls, in the very fabric of the building forever." "So, the house is... eating people?" "We must all pay our dues." "But not you?" "Correct." "I am the exception." "HE TAPS For I am your landlord." "You came here, you signed the contract." "And now..." "It's time to pay." "LOUD SCRITCHING Go." "What's that noise?" "!" "SCRITCHING ALL AROUND" "That tower!" "It was at the back of the building." "Logically, the door should be at the end of this corridor." "Look for a way in!" "Indiana Jones..." "Come on!" "Yes!" "The tower!" "What if something's got into the wood?" "Into the lathes, behind the plaster, into the very fabric of the house?" "Wood nymphs, tree spirits... dryads." "Anything's possible." "Doctor, what are you doing?" "We need to get out and call the police!" "WOOD CREAKS AND GROANS Who's there?" "Doctor, you're provoking it." "WOOD CREAKS AND GROANS LOUDLY" "It's getting louder!" "Wake up!" "Wake up!" "Out you come!" "Oh!" "I was expecting something quite different." "A gaseous creature." "Or microscopic!" "Did you see it move through the wood?" "Interacting at a cellular level." "This must be alien!" "Got to be alien!" "What are you doing here?" "On your holidays?" "Harry - get a matchbox." "A matchbox?" "!" "All right, a shoe box, don't let it get away!" "What do you mean "alien"?" "Oh, little one!" "WOOD CREAKS AND GROANS" "Doctor..." "Oh!" "It can move fast!" "Where's that box?" "Doctor!" "What?" "!" "Ah." "Now, this starts to make sense." "Yes." "Dryads indeed." "We need to get out." "We can't!" "Harry, in here!" "What's the point of hiding in a cupboard?" "It's not a cupboard!" "What are they?" "Look like insects but you're saying they can shut doors, trap us?" "They're not just in the wood, they're becoming the wood itself." "Total infestation." "Infestation of the Dryads!" "You're talking like you've seen things like this before." "No, actually." "You said they were "alien"?" "Well, they could be native to this planet, but I've never seen them before." "Have you?" "That's what they're called?" "Dryads?" "That's what I'm calling them, yes." "You've gone crazy." "Well, I can't just call them "lice", can I?" "Father?" "Is that you?" "Maybe it belonged to a family that used to live here?" "Harry, there's six boxes." "Tenancy agreement." "Same as ours." "Six signatures." ""Jake Christie, Annie Wren, Jonathan Frost..."" "What's the date?" "Um, 1997." ""Sarah Tiller, Mark Hopethorne, Carl Richards."" "They move in... relax... go to their rooms... then panic." "Infestation." "Doctor!" "1977." "1957." "Every 20 years..." "There's something coming!" "Good." "Christie, Wren, Frost, Tiller, Hopethorne, Richards." "Fine young men and women." "As were all the others." "Where are they?" "In the house." "What?" "Where?" "We haven't seen them." "He means they're IN the house." "The wood, Harry." "Don't think I haven't considered the consequences, Doctor." "So, why do it?" "My daughter was dying." "What are you talking about?" "Nothing could be done... until these creatures saved her." "We'd do anything to protect them." "Your daughter, she's here, she's in the house, isn't she?" "Indeed, and she MUST survive." "We have to get out!" "Harry, stay with me!" "Come back, Harry!" "Come back!" "Aaah!" "Doctor!" "Get him out." "God rest his soul." "Bill!" "Is Bill all right?" "I'd be more concerned for yourself, Doctor." "Your advanced age means you have less energy, less... matter, but they'll take what they can get." "The insects are keeping your daughter alive." "How does that work?" "Come on, call these off!" "Maybe I could help?" "I'm a doctor!" "SHE STAMMERS Are you OK?" "Oh..." "I haven't had visitors in such a long time." "My name is Eliza." "I'm Bill." "This is Shireen." "Hey!" "I'm pleased to meet you." "What?" "You've got something... just... just there." "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here, yeah?" "Bill..." "Cockroaches." "Had them on my gap year in Morocco." "No problem!" "Let's go." "Shireen." "SHE GASPS Oh, no!" "Oh, no!" "It's in my foot!" "Shireen!" "I..." "I don't understand... she's..." "It's upsetting, I understand." "But Father says we have to survive..." "Eliza, do not fear this man, he says he might be able to make you well." "Bill, how are you?" "Yeah, yeah, I'm OK." "Shireen..." "The lice?" "Yeah." "Harry, too." "Um, in brief - he's her dad." "He's been keeping her alive with the bugs for about 70 years." "Your friends are the food." "I said that I could... help." "Now, you must be Eliza." "How are you feeling?" "Rotten?" "I am quite well." "Administer your treatment, Doctor." "What's the medical history here?" "What happened?" "Eliza, you were very ill?" "Yes. yes?" "The doctors had, um, given up on you, but then, one day, your father brings you a present..." "Where did you find them?" "On the roof?" "In the garden?" "'You find the insects." "You bring them into the house 'because you want to show them to her." "'Presumably, just to... just to amuse her.'" "You couldn't have known what they were..." "Can you help her or not?" "I am helping!" "This is me helping!" "How did you find out their unique abilities?" "Did you bring them in here?" "You brought them in here, right, but what activated them?" "You use a tuning fork now, but..." "Pavel had that record on, a violin?" "High-pitched sounds." "Yes." "Soothes her to sleep." "'High-pitched sound." "'You leave your daughter alone for the night, or so you believe." "'The music wakes them." "They set to work, and in the morning, ' you find her revitalised, just... slightly wooden." "You realise there's a way she can survive..." "Enough!" "No, wait, Doctor - that doesn't make sense." "Can you not interrupt?" "I'm doing my thing here." "But why would he pick up insects from the garden and bring them in to see his ill daughter?" "Everyone loves insects." "I don't!" "They're fascinating!" "OK." "Secondly, he's not wood." "He's just like us." "He's..." "Yes..." "So, if he's her father, and she was preserved 70 years ago..." "You..." "Oh!" "No flies on you, Bill." "And no bugs in you." "I do not understand." "I forget, you see, your human lifespan - it's not long, is it?" "Do not let them trouble you..." "What do you remember of the past, Eliza?" "My... father..." "He knows what's best." "Yes, the lice preserve the appearance and the voice, but not so much the memories." "He's not your father." "Am I right?" "No!" "Stop talking!" "Father, what's the matter?" "I don't understand..." "Your father would've had better things to do than playing with insects in the garden." "But he isn't your father." "When you were ill, he was sent out of the house, by the doctors who are failing to save his MOTHER!" "His... mother...?" "'Eliza, he's your son." "'Your loving son.'" "My son?" "!" "Forgive me..." "Forgive me." "'When you saw what the creatures had done, 'you understood, didn't you?" "'The lice could keep your mother alive, 'if you protected them, 'tamed them, fed them.'" "If you could save the one who brought you into this world - wouldn't you?" "!" "HE SOBS Your silence is a confirmation." "I did what you told me because I thought you knew best." "But I..." "I am your mother?" "Yes..." "And you..." "All these children you've taken!" "You told me it was necessary!" "That we had no choice." "That's right, it was." "It meant we could stay together." "Don't you understand?" "We were happy!" "I kept our lives a secret." "And a secret we must remain." "You have brought her nothing but misery and confusion!" "You will be taken, like the others!" "OK, now's the time for the plan." "That was it, no plan." "Info dump, then busk." "Well, start busking!" "Eliza, people have died and will continue to die unless you stop all this right now." "How can I stop it?" "!" "You're the parent." "You're in charge!" "That's it!" "HE TAPS WOOD Do what I say!" "I control you!" "No." "It's me." "I control them." "Eliza, finish them now, take them, or you'll die!" "They'll destroy you!" "What's the point in surviving if you never see anyone, if you hide yourself away from the world?" "When did you last open the shutters?" "The freshers' party in the park." "Exactly." "New friends." "Fireworks!" "That's what life should be!" "I remember..." "My son..." "Leave my side at last." "Go and see the world." "No!" "I don't want to!" "If you won't finish them..." "I will!" "John!" "My little boy, this has to end." "No!" "We mustn't end!" "We have to destroy them!" "It's our time." "No, I don't want to!" "No, no..." "Thank you." "LOUD CREAKING AND GROANING We've got to get out of here." "Is that...?" "Yes, your friend." "She's restoring them!" "I thought you were gone." "Are you OK?" "Me?" "!" "Yeah, I'm fine." "What about the others?" "Come on!" "We need to get out!" "Now!" "Wrong way!" "Wrong way!" "Wrong way!" "Bang goes the deposit" "Oh, man!" "That's our house." "Gone." "Right, you lot, back to the estate agent!" "Better luck next time!" "Oh, here he comes!" "Are you being cheerful?" "I'm against cheerful." "Bill told me you went on a little adventure." "You see?" "I see what?" "Well, you don't have to go to outer space to find monsters." "There's plenty of things that want to kill you right here on Earth." "Result" "Actually, I'm not that hungry." "Well, I am." "Obviously!" "OK." "You can take the rest of the night off." "Go on, go do whatever it is you do." "Actually, what do you do?" "No!" "Never tell me that." "I just want to have a look at this." "BEEPING" "Our friend inside's been a little restive lately..." "Ah, I can sort that out." "No, it's all right, I don't mind..." "Goodnight, Nardole." "Right." "Goodnight, sir." "See you in the morning." "PIANO PLAYS, FROM INSIDE:" "Fur Elise by Beethoven" "A piano?" "You've put a piano in there?" "Why?" "Goodnight." "Oh, you don't learn, do you, sir?" "HE KNOCKS Hey!" "Do you want dinner?" "I've got Mexican." "Look, I know you miss it all." "But I'm stuck here, too, you know?" "We're both prisoners." "So, what do you say - dinner?" "I've got a new story for you, too." "There's a haunted house and woodlice from space." "And lots of young people get eaten." "Pop Goes The Weasel" "I'm coming in." "'Mining station." "Chasm Forge." "Crew of 40.'" "Hello?" "'Four survivors." "'One distress call." "'They were killed by their own suits.'" "That means there's 36 corpses walking about this station!" "If we want to keep breathing, we have exactly one option." "None of us have more than 3,000 breaths left." "Then stop wasting them." "Three reasons we love Eurovision - the costumes." "Ah, yes!" "Who could forget the milkmaids?" "The passion." "We are unstoppable." "The commentary?" "Oh, stop!"