"101 REYKJAVIK" "Who's that?" "You know her?" " We've been to bed together." " What's she like?" " Want me to give you the condom?" " Come on, man." " Why don't you try her yourself then?" " Sure, whatever." "Hi." "You look tense." "Almost like you're on a live broadcast." "No, this is more like a rerun." "Throstur's reviewing last night." "Can I buy you a drink?" "Or would you rather have the money?" "Fuck off!" "My name is Hlynur Bjorn Hafsteinsson." "I was born on a Saturday." "Today is Saturday." "Life is one week." "I drop dead each weekend." "I'll be dead after I die... and I was dead before I was born." "Life is a break from death." "Hlynur here." "I'm probably home right now... so please talk to me after the beep, I'm listening." "Hlynur." "Hlynur Bjorn." "I need to talk to you." "Pick up the phone!" "I know you're there." "You fucking bastard." "Why don't they show any porn in the morning?" "It's easier to get the rest up once your dick's up and about." "Maybe you'd wake up earlier, at least before it gets dark... just to brighten up your day a little." "I wonder what sort of a child I was." "Was I funny or just plain idiotic?" "I've never had much luck with the opposite sex." "Maybe I'm just sexually retarded." "You're up early." " I bought you some underpants." " What?" "Yeah." "My mother works at the Purchasing Institute." "My mother is a purchasing institute too." "Aren't they nice?" "It's a bit stuffy in here, dear." "Don't you think so?" " Well, aren't you going to read it?" " What?" "The letter." "You already have, haven't you?" " They've probably found a job for you." " Great." " Get dressed." " What?" "Get dressed." " A friend of mine is coming to dinner." " What friend?" " Lola Milagros." " Who?" "She's from Spain." "Is it something to do with your flamenco lessons?" "There's no need for that." "Ugh, that's disgusting." "When are you going to grow up?" "Sorry, I know it isn't any of my business." "Is she here already?" "So early?" " Lola." " Hi." "I take after my mom as much as my dad gives me the chance." "He's big and brawny, I'm little and scrawny... like an embryo." "My face is just a sort of frame around my glasses." "What?" " Is this a Christmas present?" " No, a Christmas tree." " A cactus for a Christmas tree?" " It'll look great with lights on." "Sort of like Ben Kingsley with white tinsel hair." " Is this the latest thing?" " A touch of originality." "We're only doing it for Thorir." "Imagine, his first Christmas in the land of ice... it'll give him a back-to-the-desert feeling." " Jesus, it's roasting in here!" " He can't really take anything under 42 C." "Thorir?" "Come here, boy." "There, there." " Where did you get that thing?" " The cactus?" " What's his name?" " Marri's brother-in-law." " The immigrant at the flea market." " What a thing to say." "He's lived here for ages." "He's still an immigrant." " Fancy letting an immigrant fuck your sister." " Shut up." "What's the matter with you, dickhead?" "Get in the back." " Ever thought of buying snow tires?" " Not worth it." "Are you mad?" "These are original vintage." "What are you pushing and shoving for?" "Recovered from your chlamydia, have you?" "The pub, my second home." "35 square meters crammed to bursting point... so crowded and noisy you don't even need to talk or dance." "Saturday nights are Friday nights, part II." "Everyone is talking about last night, like it's a sequel." "Except that everyone who died in part I dies again in part II." "Hlynur, you don't go to bed with a girl and run out... as soon as she falls asleep." "I couldn't sleep." " Why not?" " I can't sleep with girls." "Can't you sleep with girls?" "What do you mean?" "I can sleep with them, maybe, but I can't wake up with them." "So you just come and go as you please?" " Well, I didn't actually come." " Hlynur, please." " What are you on, anyway?" " Disability benefit." "I knew there was something wrong with you." "Yeah, 75 percent disabled." "Is that why you're so lousy in bed?" "Hofy lives alone in a three-room apartment and dreams of filling up the other two." "Well... that's another weekend over." "Why do you keep that picture of him on the wall?" " Of your dad?" " Yeah." " So you can pretend he's dead?" " What a dreadful thing to say." "People don't get their photos hung on the wall... unless they're newly born, newly confirmed or dead." "Don't talk like that." "Your father is a part of my life... and we did have some good times together." "Some good drinks together, more like." " You ought to see more of him." " I saw him last night, actually." "Oh really?" " Was he...?" " He was great." " Really?" " Yeah, he was in top form." "That's nice to hear." "There's something I've been meaning to tell you." "Lola is going to stay with us for Christmas." "I'd hate to think of her alone in a hotel room." "Won't it be nice to have some company over the holidays?" "Is that all right with you?" "And she can have my room... when I nip up north to see your aunt Sigrun for the New Year." "Okay." "Just as long as she brings plenty to smoke." "Hlynur... there'll be no hash here this Christmas." "Just to make that clear." "My God, it's about time we quit." "The Coal Yard flea market." "The only serious art museum in Reykjavik." "Here you can find Iceland's greatest cultural treasures." "Have you got any new videos?" " Animal videos?" " Yeah." " That depends." " What have you got?" "Well, there's this pig, quite big and fat." "And a dog that joins in towards the end." "A bit mangy though, mind you." "But the pig is great... a star performance." "Mmmm, smells good." "How much?" "For you a special price. 3,500." "Just for you." "Don't you have anything with Rudolph the reindeer?" "What?" "Rudolph?" "No, afraid not." "Or turkeys?" "I'm looking for something a bit Christmassy." "Throstur!" "Come on!" "I bet Throstur's buying that for Thorir." "He's been a bit lonely of late... hasn't slithered over a female recently." "Marri!" "Nice to see you." "Hello, amigo!" "How you've grown." " What can I do for you?" " We want a Christmas tree." " Are you together?" " Yeah." "I'll show you a fine tree." "This is an eco-friendly Christmas tree." "You can use it over and over again." "No mess with the green stuff on your floor." "You don't have to vacuum clean all the time." "I mean, look, just plug it in... and no problem." "How much?" " It's 5,500." " 4,000?" " You could have it for 5,000." " I've only got 4,000." " 5,000." " 4,000." "I'll let you have it for 4,500, okay?" "But don't tell my wife or she'll beat me up." " Okay?" " Okay." "Why do Marlboro cigarettes have white filters in America..." " but yellow filters in Europe?" " Why?" "So Keith Richards can tell which continent he's in." "Yes?" "Hello." "Hello." "Is Hlynur in?" "Hlynur, it's for you!" "Hi." " Well, Merry Christmas." " Yeah, thanks." "Christmas Day is the most difficult day of the year... the annual family dinner at my sister Elsa's place." "Hlynur, dear, don't be so glum." "I always get depressed when I go into the country." " But this is only a suburb." " Exactly." "Do it for me." "Cheer up." "This isn't a funeral." "Family dinner or a funeral." "I'd rather go to a funeral." "At least there's one idiot less, then." "Lit up like Las Vegas." "Elsa, Hlynur's here!" "Hi!" "Nice to see you." "Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas, Hlynur." " You're wearing Mom's glasses." " Yeah." " Nice jumper." " Isn't it nice?" "A present from his girlfriend." " No, has he got a girlfriend?" " Yes." "Great to see you, Hlynur dear." "So, how is everybody?" "Oh, you know, can't complain." " What was it like at your place last night?" " We had it very cozy." "No, I mean the weather." " The wind really got up here yesterday." " Really?" "Well, it was very calm where we are." "Real barbecue weather, Hlynur said." "Really?" "He said that?" "Out barbecuing yesterday, were we, Hlynur?" " The Christmas dinner?" " Yeah." "Do you get much snow up there at this time of the year?" "I'd say it's a bit more than you get down here." "Yes." "But we've been quite lucky this winter." " Have you, now?" " Yes." "And getting that Landcruiser makes a world of difference." " Are these cups new?" " Yes, we bought them in Glasgow last year." " Lovely." " And they were quite cheap, really." "Considering the quality." "More coffee, anyone?" " Are you okay, Hlynur?" " What?" "You're very quiet." "Are you alright?" "Yeah, fine." "I was just thinking about the sofa." " How much did it cost?" " How much did the sofa cost?" "God, I can't remember, can you, Maggi?" " Like to buy it, would you, Hlynur?" " Yeah." "This is what I call a super sofa." "Comfortable to sit on." "Is there enough room for it in your mom's house?" "Have you seen the video of last year's Christmas dinner?" " No." " Dad, you haven't seen it." "No, I don't think so." "Yes." "I went for one of those new Toyota's." " It's made a world of difference." " I bet it has." "A world of difference." "A world of difference." "Hlynur?" "Give me a hand, will you?" "Thank you, dear." "Kiss your mother, dear." "Give my regards to Sigrun and Grandma, wherever she lives." "It's called Hvammstangi." "Cut it out, Throstur." " Hello." " Hello, you're looking nice." "Thanks." "Have you seen Hlynur?" " How much do you want for it?" " What do you mean?" " What do you want for your look?" " Are you trying to pick me up?" " What?" " Are you trying or not?" "What do you think?" "Throstur!" "Hello." "Thanks for the Christmas present." " Eh?" " Thanks for the Christmas present." "Oh, it was nothing." "Have you seen Lola?" "Lola?" "Who's that?" "She's a friend." "A sort of friend of my mother's." "Are you having a night out with a friend of your mother's?" " You could say that." " You're totally out of it." "What's the matter with you?" "You're hopeless." "Reykjavik is like some backwater in Siberia." "Swirling snow in the dark, not a bird to be seen." "Endless weather that makes you wither... biting your cheeks, spraying frost in your eyes." "Even the ghosts are bored here." "Lola isn't home yet." "I don't like it." "She's trying to make me miss her." "She's trying to make me become obsessed with her." "She's the type you can never trust." " Happy New Year!" " Same to you." "You must be Hlynur's sister." " Cheers!" " Cheers!" "Great New Year's hat!" " What are you doing here?" " Fuck you too!" "Cut it out!" "Hofy, let's dance." "Take it easy, you arsehole!" "Hlynur, don't go yet." "The party's just starting." " There's loads more people on the way." " I'm just popping out, I'll be right back." " I need to talk to you about..." " What?" "It doesn't matter." "What?" " Nothing." " Okay." "Hey, Hlynur..." " Have you heard about Thorir?" " No, what is it?" "He's a she!" "Okay, great." "Thorir's a lady." "Should we make him correct?" " Make him erect?" " Make him correct!" " Make him correct?" "Yeah." " Call him Thora?" "Yeah, great." " Hlynur, about Hofy..." " I'll see you later, I must go." "Throstur!" "Hello?" "Hi." "I thought you'd be asleep." "Happy New Year." "Yeah, happy New Year." "Did you all have a good time last night?" "Yeah, yeah, it was fine." "Did you go to a party?" "What?" "A party, yeah." "So how was it?" "It was great." "And did you take Lola?" "What?" "Oh, to the party?" "Yeah." "And how were things with you?" "Nice and quiet." "We went to the bonfire and visited your granny." "She doesn't go out anymore." "We watched the satire program with her... but she didn't get half of it." "It went right over her head." "I thought it was hilarious." "Did you watch it?" "Yeah, but it wasn't as funny in this part of the country." "Oh, really?" "No." "Well, yes." "Lola laughed a bit." "Did she?" "Is Lola with you?" "What?" "I think she's asleep." "Okay, then." "Give my regards to her and I'll see you tomorrow night." " Okay." " Bye, dear." "Everyone here says hello." "Bye." "She was almost possessed." "Was that what being bisexual is like?" "Was that the man in her?" "Compared to her, that trance she was in..." "I was just a sperm donor." "Maybe sex wasn't meant for men." "Hlynur?" " Yes." " Take a seat, dear." "We need to have a little talk." "Are you sure that's necessary?" "Yes, I think it is." "Lola and I have been talking things over." "And?" "I think we both know what I'm talking about." " We do, don't we?" " Yes, we do... so we might as well be honest with each other." "Well, if you insist, but I can assure you I had no..." "I'm sorry, Hlynur, but this isn't easy for me." " And you know how people talk." " Who?" "Hlynur, dear..." " I'm in love with Lola." " What?" "I thought..." " You're in love with Lola?" " Yes." " How do you feel about that?" " That you're in love with Lola?" "About you being a... lesbian?" "That's what they call it." "I don't know." "Does that mean that the two of us can never...?" "I mean, if that's what you are... then that's what you are." "That's just... cool." "Cool?" "Yes." "You don't find it strange?" "It maybe took you a bit long to reach that position." "The right one, I mean." "I know." "Besides, it's all a matter of taste." "No big deal." "Just a question of knowing what you want." "Oh, that's so nice to hear." "Thank you, Hlynur." "It's no problem." "Really." "You don't know what a relief this is to me." "Okay." "By the way... there's another letter for you from the unemployment office." "Why don't you go and pay a call on them?" "So my mother and I have our fingers in the same pie." "Of course it can happen to anyone, accidentally fucking someone in the family." "What am I supposed to call Lola now?" "Stepfather?" " Hlynur Bjorn Hafsteinsson?" " Yes." "Are you Hlynur?" "Yes, rather." " Yes." " Well, you never know for sure, do you?" " And you haven't found anything to do yet?" " No." " Well, yes." " Oh?" " I did my mother's girlfriend." " Pardon?" "I slept with my mother's girlfriend on New Year's Eve." "My mother was away in Hvammstangi." "It was an accident and it won't happen again... so it's definitely not a job with a future." "We were both drunk." "What do you think?" " Do you reckon I should tell her about it?" " Who?" "My mother." "Should I tell her about it?" "I don't know." "But there was no need to tell me about it." "So you've no views on adultery within the family?" "Do you realize we sent you five letters this last month?" "Are you married?" "I mean, imagine you're married, okay?" "You haven't exactly been very cooperative, now, have you?" "Imagine you're remarried, then." "You've remarried and your daughter is having it off... with her stepfather." "How do you think you'd take it?" "Just sign here, please." " Hey, what do you think you're doing?" " Filling up the meter, it had run out." " Is this your car too?" " No." "Why are you filling up the meter?" "You have to think about other people sometimes too." "Hlynur?" " Hlynur." " Right away." "There's a lunatic here." " I have to talk to you." " Here I am." "Are you the owner of this vehicle?" "That's none of your business!" "You can't do that!" " Can't I?" " No, you can't." "You mean it's illegal to pay for somebody else's meter?" "It's just highly irregular." "Can we go somewhere?" "I can't talk about it here." " Sounds serious." " It is!" " So you're saying it's prohibited?" " Maybe not prohibited, but highly irregular." " Do you get a commission?" " No." " You just get a kick out of fining people?" " Hlynur." "I'm just trying to do my job." " I can never talk properly with you." " I know." "Am I ruining your work for you?" "Yes." "By doing this, you make me unnecessary." " You mean unemployed." " Okay, if you really want it, I'm pregnant." "And if I don't want it?" " What?" " Pregnant?" " Yes." " Who's the father?" "Who do you think?" " Me?" "How?" " Three guesses." "Would you mind coming along with me, please?" " Me?" "Why?" "I used a condom." " Don't make any trouble." " Come with me." " I don't understand." "Mother's taken the day off." "Is that in the wage contract?" "Out of the closet earns you one day off?" "Hofy called earlier." "I told her you were asleep." "You'd call back when you wake up." "She's Pall's daughter, isn't she?" "What's his name, the dentist." "Sorry, but what stage have you reached?" "What stage?" "You make it sound like a disease!" "You act like I've got leprosy!" "If it matters to you, six weeks." " What will you do?" " Have the baby." " No question?" " None." " But, I mean, you know..." " Hlynur!" "I'm going to have... this baby on the 22nd of August, no matter what!" "I just hope the baby's not busy on that day." "You're not funny, Hlynur!" "I know, this is a serious matter." " Are you sure I'm the..." " Yes." " No doubt about it?" " No!" " Hello." " Hello." "I take it you're Hlynur then?" "About time I saw your face." "Can we give you a lift?" "No thanks, it's good to get some exercise." "Come have dinner with us some time." "We'll get to know each other." " That would be nice, some time." " How about tomorrow?" " Tomorrow?" "Well..." " Okay then, Thursday." "Be ready at seven o'clock." "I'll pick you up." "My heaviest sentence yet." "Dinner at the posh villa." "I'll never go to bed with a woman again." "Well, I'm sorry to keep you waiting." "Snobville measured in square meters of parquet... the kitchen aroma of roasted pork-ette." "Batteries buzzing in pacemakered hearts." "A golden retriever barking in a basket... and the freezers full of life after death." "All paid for by the poor public squandering money on sweets." "I USED A CONDOM" "I should feel calm." "Our bedtime games are over for good." "I don't like people, at least, not live." "Not one on one." "Congratulations." "I hear your mom is finally out of the closet." "Please, don't talk to me." "Hlynur." "What?" "Hi, Hlynur babe." "Congratulations." "I hear your mom's finally out of the closet." "Good for her!" "Actually, I was the one who nudged her out." "Really?" "So you were in the closet too, then?" " What did that feel like?" " What did what feel like?" "Sharing the closet with your own mother?" "Let me know when you'll be coming out." "Stop this!" "Mother?" "Hlynur." "What are you trying to do?" "Don't act like this." "You'll get used to it." "You'll need the room." "He can keep my Tintin comics." "I'll get my computer later." "Meanwhile he can surf the Net." "You can call me if he wants to check out the porn sites." "Hlynur." " Are you ashamed of me?" " No, that's not the problem." "It's just me." "Hlynur?" "Do you know the best cure for premature ejaculation?" "Just picture your mom." "I swear, it works every time." "Though I'm not so sure about your mother." "I have a big, big cock!" "The boozer-loser-blues piss-up pick-up place." "Old meat served on every table." "Recycled jawbones kissing, pickled bollocks in pussy juice." "Everybody's had everybody." "It's like the waiting room at the VD clinic." "Everybody locked up in the same DNA chain." "Abortions floating between the tables." "This place is haunted by unborn children." "It's like the family reunion of a non-existent family." "Hlynur!" "Suck harder." "You'll pay for that!" "Piss off!" "You fucking son of a dyke!" "Nobody treats my sister like that!" "Hello?" "Who is it?" "Hofy, hi." " Hlynur?" " Yeah." "Everything fine?" "Fine?" "Had the baby?" "No." "Abortion?" "Yes." "Without even telling me?" "Should I have done that?" "I don't know." "Maybe I'd have thought things over." "If it'll make you feel any better, it wasn't your baby." "Oh?" "No." "What do you mean, it wasn't my baby?" "I've had nothing but your womb on my brain for half a year... and it wasn't even my baby." "How can you be so sure about everything?" "Hello?" "Are you still there?" "Hofy?" "Hey, taxpayer, got a cigarette?" "You call this a cigarette?" "It's the only thing I've got so early in the morning." "It's okay, just keep on at it." "What do you think you're doing?" "Would you mind leaving?" "Now!" " Why?" " Can't you see what we're doing?" " What are you doing?" " Jesus Christ!" "I can't go on, get him out of here!" "Do you mind if I smoke?" "If you're going to stay, you can at least shut up!" "This is great material for a documentary." ""The Icelandic Intercourse."" "Would you call this typical Icelandic intercourse?" " Creep!" " Just ignore him." "I mean, really." "This is great stuff." ""Children of Nature." It could be a series." "Mating habits around the globe." "How do the Danes do it?" "Do all blacks have big ones and all Japs little ones?" "How do Muslim women come?" "Or do they come at all?" "The Jewish blow job?" "Hasn't anyone studied it?" "This is really great material." "Comparative sexology." "Fuck!" "That's it!" "You get out this minute, you fucking pervert!" "Out, you filthy bastard!" "What do you think you are?" "We can't even have a fuck in peace!" "Get out!" " Nice tattoo." " Shut up and get out!" "Now!" "Hey, you live here, don't you?" "Would you mind helping me get this creep out of here?" "He just barged in on us and started watching us... like some kind of a pervert." "What's your game anyway?" "Do you think we're putting on some kind of sex show here?" " It wasn't an action-packed performance." " Oh, really?" "You could at least have tried a few more positions." "What?" "You were doing it in my bed?" " Not me." " Not me!" " Oli?" " Yes." "So..." " were you together for long?" " Since the summer." "Summer." "That makes seven months." "7 divided by 2 makes 3.5." "What score did you get?" "I can't believe it." "Oli." "And imagine, in my bed." "Yeah." "I don't know if it's any comfort... but they weren't particularly good." "A pretty boring number, really." " And I thought I was in love with him." " Yeah." "He looked like a nice guy." "Nice earring." "Yes, it's lovely, isn't it?" "I gave it to him." "Yeah?" "Where did you get it?" "Florida." "Florida?" "Orlando?" "No, Tampa." "Sorry." "That's all right." "I handle cases like this all the time." "Human relations and... crying women." "You're special." "Our little boy, all of ours." "Lola will be his mom and my mom will be his dad." "And I'll be his brother but his father too." "And the son of his dad and of his grandmother... and his mother's ex-lover." "How will he turn out, himself?" "Hlynur." "What a mess you look." "He's in there with Lola." "Come and have a look." "Isn't she tired?" "Shouldn't I come back later?" "No." "Come on." "Come on." "Don't be shy." "Hold him." "The worst thing about AIDS as a method of suicide... is that it takes so long to die from it." "Hello." "Welcome." "There they are... my mother the lesbian, and my father the boozer." "What am I then?" "The offspring of a lesbian and a boozer?" "It's like two birds of different species." "The lesbian bird and the boozer bird." "The boozer is a wetland bird." "He's rather heavy... and needs a good run-up to get off the ground." "He can fly for a long time and has good stamina." "Several weeks may pass by before he gets back on the ground." "In between he lies low and goes on the defensive." "Especially for the first days after landing." "The lesbian." "Unlike the boozer... the lesbian is a relative newcomer to Icelandic nature." "She is thought to have migrated from Denmark and Britain." "Her only contact with the male bird is during conception." "In recent years we have witnessed cases of male birds... who are unable to fly at all." "The offspring of a boozer and a lesbian is the Hlynur... an unusually slow developer that can't fly... and remains with his mother for the first 30 years." "The Hlynur is defensive by nature, but harmless." "May Lord protect you from this moment on, forever." "Accept the sign of the holy cross on your forehead and your chest... in testimony that your mind and your heart... will be devoted to belief in the crucifixion... and resurrection of our Lord, Jesus Christ." " What is the child's name?" " Kristinn Milagros." "Kristinn Milagros..." "I baptize you in the name of the Father... the Son... and the Holy Ghost." "Amen." "MOM, FORGIVE ME" "IF A DEAD MAN CAN MISS SOMEONE" "THEN I PROMISE THAT I'LL MISS YOU" "P.S. I'M THE FATHER" "It's no longer a question of either-or." "Darkness or light, right or wrong... good or evil." "Everything is right and wrong." "Everything is good and evil." "Everything just is." "Did you hear that?" "He said "daddy."" "Did you say "daddy"?" "Bye, darling." "See you later."