"# Sylvia... #" "# Sylvia... #" "# Sylvia #" "# Smile for me #" "# Fill my world with poetry #" "# Forget those faraway dreams #" "# That haunt you #" "# Sylvia #" "# Young in years #" "# Let the sunshine #" "# Dry your tears #" "# And we will walk in the wind #" "# And stars #" "# Like April lovers #" "# With hearts aglow... #" "Come on back to bed, Sylvia." "Can't you see I'm cooking scrapple?" "It can wait." "Sex is in the air." "Not in here it isn't." "I got work, Vaughn." "Your mother is up the store." "It's light out, for Christ's sake." "What's gotten into you?" "Come on, move!" "#..." "Forget those faraway dreams #" "# That haunt you... #" "God!" "#..." "Let the sunshine #" "# Dry your tears #" "# And we will walk in the wind... #" "Damn it!" "Jesus Christ." "Oh-hh!" "#..." "With hearts aglow #" "# Till love discloses #" "# Where the secret roses grow... #" "You seen my keys?" "Ow!" "I said, have you seen my keys?" "Where did you leave them?" "If I knew where I'd left them, they wouldn't be lost, would they?" "Vaughnhole!" "Oh, Jesus Christ Almighty!" "It's not my fault." "Somebody left his magazine on the front porch and it got me all riled up." "Oh, sure, "somebody left it."" "sure, sure..." "You said you didn't want to." "I mean a man has needs, Sylvia." "Marital needs." "# My gal is red hot, yeah!" "#" "# My gal is red hot #" "# Your gal ain't doodly squat #" "# Well, she ain't got no money, but man #" "# She's really got a lot #" "# Well, I got a gal, six feet four... #" "Ooh." "#..." "My gal is red hot #" "# Your gal ain't doodly squat #" "# Yeah, my gal is red hot #" "# Your gal ain't doodly squat #" "# Well, she ain't got no money, but, man... #" "Isn't it a little early for that, Caprice?" "I'm developing my act, Mother." "Mutilating your mammaries and gyrating down at some biker bar is an act, all right, an act of defiance." "I was a legend down at the Holiday House, in case you didn't know it." "Morning, honey." "Daddy, let me go down to the bar and perform." "You're in home detention, cupcake." "The "government" wants you to stay indoors for a while, huh?" "You're just too pretty to go out." "We let you keep your tawdry theatrical mementoes." "Isn't that enough?" "You were convicted of indecent exposure for the third time." "I was promoting the art of dance." "With nude loitering?" "!" "Nude and disorderly conduct?" "Nude drunken driving?" "I was not drunk." "I was on pills." "Something is the matter with you, Caprice." "You are such a Neuter, Mother." "And Neuters will never understand." "Something is the matter with your vagina." "Hu." "Morning, Mrs. Stickles." "Oh, you brat!" "I'm gonna report you." "Morning." "Formstone's looking good." "Ah, it's the real McCoy all right, vintage." " Paid through the nose for it." " Oh." "One thing we've learned... proper restoration never comes cheaply." "I need to go down to the bar... just for an hour!" "Come on, Dad, don't lock it." "Daddy, let me go!" "My public needs me!" " Ooh!" " Mrs. Stickles, my name is Fat Fuck Frank." "And I'm your daughter's number one fan." "She moved to the Erie Canal area." "Hey, Vaughn." "Hey!" "Caprice retired from show business." "She's no longer a public figure." "Her name ain't Caprice, it's "Ursula Udders." And she's famous." "She got the biggest tits on Harford Road." "Ursula!" "Ursula Udders!" "Texture, that's what I call it." "It's me, Fat Fuck Frank." "And I miss them great big..." "Destroy all Neuters!" "We sure didn't have this in D.C." "God, I love Baltimore." "It's a real city of diversity." "Sylvia!" "Sylvia, we need gas, honey!" "Get gas." "Honey, still mad?" "Remember to fill it up." "I'll walk, don't worry." "Hmm?" "Ugh!" "# Smokey the bear, Smokey the bear #" " # Prowling and a-growling... #" " Grr!" "Hi!" "Grrr-rr!" "Woof!" " Grrr!" " Woof!" "Woof!" "# That's why they called him Smokey, that is how he got his name... #" " Hi, Vaughn." " Morning, Betty." "Does the Pinewood Park-and-Pay sell lotions?" "You know..." "ointments?" "We sure do." "How is that fine wife of yours doing?" "She's up at the store like always, Wendell." "Don't you find it funny that every man in this neighborhood has a penis?" "Well, not really, Betty." "Sheeze...!" "U!" "Oh, don't." "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" "O!" "#..." "Whoa, whoa-whoa #" "# I need your loving... # oh, that's it, babe." "That's it, oh-oh-oh." "Oh, God!" "Ooh, that's it, baby." "Oh, talk to the mike, talk to the mike." "Ooh-ooh." "Oh, that's what I call a hum job." "Oh, yeah." "Come on." "Oh, okay." "I'm out of gas." "Move it, Neuter!" " Oh, God!" " How am I supposed to move with no gas?" "Get out of the way!" "We're in a hurry." "# Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "#" " Filthy little hedges." " Morning, Marge." "Growin' all dirty, makes me sick." "Hi, I'm "Mama Bear."" "have you met my hus-bear?" "No, I haven't." "I'm "Papa Bear."" "And this is our cub, "Baby Bear."" "Grrr!" "I'm Vaughn." "Welcome to the Harford Road area." "When we take over, it's gonna be a..." ""Bearquake!"" "#..." "Happy, happy, happy #" "# With a big bear hug. #" " Come on." " Move that piece of shit." "Can you call Triple-A, please?" "Hurry up, I've got a hot date." "What, at 7:00 a.m.?" "What's the matter with you?" "You'd have a date too if you wore some make-up." " Your poor husband." " Huh?" "Ooh-hh!" "If you could just help me, I'd..." "Ooh!" "It's her!" "Let's go sexing." "# Sylvia... #" "O!" "Ooh!" "Hello, ma'am." "My name is Ray Ray and I'm here to... service you." "I'm Sylvia, and I hit my head." "Oh." "A concussion is a terrible thing to waste." "It's okay." "Ooh!" "My pussy's on fire." "I know it is." "It's a burning bush." "Show me a sign, Sylvia." "We knew you'd come." "All I can do is pass the gift." "Huh?" "You're a sex addict now and you'll never be the same." "Ooh-aah...!" "There you go." "All better?" "Oh, thank you so much." "I don't know what came over me." "Well, you recognized the concussion and there's no going back now." "I'm gonna give you my card." "Sex addicts are everywhere, Sylvia, and pretty soon, Harford Road will be ours." "Oh, hey, hold on." "Ray Ray is a sexual healer." "Come visit us, Sylvia." "Your people are waiting." "O." "One day we're going to discover a brand new sex act, one that's never been performed before." "And we hope you'll be with us on that day of carnal rapture." "Ooo." "A." "# Pussy, ooh... #" "# Sore, wet, ooh... #" "# My pussycat was scratching out on my back door... # #..." "Scratched so long poor pussy got sore #" "# Sore pussy, ooh... #" "# Sore... pussy... ooh #" "# Just a friendly little cat #" "# Friendly little cat #" "# My pussycat was sitting out on the front step #" "# Sat so long poor pussy got wet, sore pussy. #" "Hello, Mrs. Stickles." "Oh boy, am I blushing?" "Everyone is familiar with the traditional forms of pornography." "But the Internet is creating new forms..." " You going to the movies, Dave?" " Huh?" "Hell, you're picking your seat, aren't you?" "Dykes!" "Used to be Harford Road was for families." "Now it's a lesbian aorta." "Mother, I don't feel well." "Well, no wonder, they've got blatant homosexuals shopping right in our store." "They eat life, you know." " Jesus!" " Sperm!" "Did you see those new neighbors moving in?" "Hmm?" "Grown men with hairy legs prancing around half naked..." ""We're bears." what the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Free country, Big Ethel." "Yeah well, we got laws to protect decency." "And it would be nice if somebody enforced them." "19, 20." "Well, as my mother used to say..." ""'Each to their own,' said the old lady as she kissed the cow."" "Perverts are taking over this neighborhood." "Ugh!" "Mr. Mailman, as of next week, we're not carrying the girlie magazines no more." "That's a shame." "Makes me sick to see government employees looking at that filth, Marge." "And on taxpayers' time yet." "That's why the mail's late." "Yeah, and the post office has the nerve to raise the price of a stamp." "While mailmen are beating off everywhere." "I found a used condom in my back yard." "You think that's bad?" "Somebody wrote the word "boner"" "on our parking lot wall last night." "We've got to do something, Marge." "People have got to know how bad things are getting." "No wonder I've got to take heart pills." "I read in the paper the other day that the average married couple has sex over 100 times a year." "That's a lie." "People would be raw if that was true." "I'll be at your meeting all right, with bells on." "You have, uh, AAA batteries?" "I certainly do." "You sure these are the right ones?" "You want me to take them out?" "No, no, I guess I'll buy them." "Well, get down there, mutha, and start scarfing." "What the hell?" "I mean, Jesus..." "for Christ's sake!" "I'm moving to Towson." "Harford Road..." "where life is cheap." " Only you can prevent fornication." " Yeah, yeah." "You see, Marge?" "People in the neighborhood have had it." "It wasn't this bad in the '60s." "You're right." "Someone left a dildo in my neighbor's wishing well, right on her front lawn." "People are just ignorant everywhere." "Morning, Big Ethel." "Uh, what's good about a morning with dildos in it?" "Amen to that." "My husband's on Viagra." " Oh, you poor thing!" " Every minute, he wants it." "He has no right to be that hard." "I'm Viagra-vated and I'm not gonna take it anymore." "Sylvia!" "Feeling better, huh?" "Mail here for Ursula Udders." "Her name is Caprice and she's got shingles." "Our daughter doesn't really participate in the mail these days." "I'll take the fan mail to her, Warren." "Don't you worry." "You should be ashamed of yourself, Mr. Mailman." "Ashamed of what, Big Ethel?" " Damn, I could deliver that one." " Oh, keep it up." "I'm gonna call the Postmaster general..." "If he's not whacking off... and report your potty mouth." "Sex addicts are everywhere, Sylvia." "You wanna have funch?" "What's "funch," honey?" "Fucking after lunch." "Funch, huh?" "Come on." "This must be my lucky day." " Hmm, spaghetti..." " Yeah, she'll ring it up for you." "Where do you two think you're going?" "It's not safe out." "People are shaving their crotches as we speak." "There's pubic hair in the air everywhere." "We're having a decency rally, and I think you two need to be there." "Yeah." "# I've got hot nuts # # 10 cents a bag... #" " What kind of station is that?" " A good one." "#..." "I've got hot nuts... #" " Feeling frisky, eh?" " Uh-huh." "Let's open one of Caprice's fan letters." "That's her personal mail." "Oh, look... it's from the mailman." "He sent Caprice a photo of his penis." "Ooh!" "He what?" "Are you kidding me?" "Give me the picture." "Give me the picture." "Give me the pic..." "I'm not kidding around." "This is disgusting." "Well, he's got a big one." "What kind of talk is that?" "Oh, they're all photos of the mailman's unit." "I'm calling the cops." "Yes, sir, a real arse-opener!" "Stop it, Sylvia." "Pink steel!" "What's the matter with you?" "Hey, Vaughn, feel like "yodeling in the canyon"?" "We have to visit my mother, remember?" "Oh, come on, you wanted to earlier." "Well, not that, I didn't." "Come on, Vaughn, discover the oyster." "Honey, this is Pinewood Avenue." "We live here." "Can't we wait till we get back to the house?" "Oh, go "way down South in Dixie."" "All right, all right, just keep a look out." "Okay." "Oh-hh!" "No...!" "Oh!" "Now that's what I call "sneezing in the cabbage."" "O!" "Harford Road, let's all band together." "Horndogs are everywhere." "Pretty soon they'll be living next door." "Decency, that's all I'm asking for." "Decency!" "Decency's fine." "But diversity in a neighborhood is a good thing too." "This isn't diversity, it's depravity." "On my way over here, I saw a man performing oral sex on a lady in a car in broad daylight." "Lesbians have taken over the softball fields." "So?" "Lesbians are good neighbors." "We need to start by teaching tolerance in our own homes." "Some guy was playing with himself near me in the movies." "You're saying that's normal?" "His crotch was shaved!" "These are isolated incidents." "No, they're not." "Look, I'm not a prude." "I'm married to an Italian." "But I am disgusted." "I live near what they call "The Bear House."" "Last night, hairy, overweight men who call themselves bears were having sex outside the house." "My children heard them." ""Mommy, what's that noise?" They actually asked me." "I raced outside clapping my hands loudly and I yelled..." ""No blow jobs!"" "And they just laughed." "Some of them even growled at me." "Oh, no!" "Today, somebody called me a Neuter." "And you know what?" "I didn't mind." "If neuter means "normal," I'll say it loud..." "I am Marge, the Neuter, and I'm proud." "That's right!" "We're all Neuters!" "And we'll never, never be not normal!" "# You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out #" "# You put your left foot in #" "# And you shake it all about #" "# You do the Hokey-Pokey and you turn yourself around #" " # That's what it's all about # - # Right arm!" "#" "# You put your right arm in, you put your right arm out #" "# You put your right arm in and then you shake it all about... #" "# Left arm!" "#" "# You put your left arm in, you put your left arm out #" "# You put your left arm in and then you shake it all about #" "# You do the Hokey-Pokey and you turn yourself around #" "# That's what it's all about #" "# Right elbow!" "#" "# You put your right elbow in, you put your right elbow out #" "# You put your right elbow in and you shake it all about #" "# You do the Hokey-Pokey... #" "Hi!" " # That's what it's all about... #" " Hey, Mom." "# You put your left elbow in, you put your left elbow out... #" " Come on, let's dance." " # And then you shake it all about... #" "# Head!" "#" "# You put your head in, you put your head out #" "# You put your head in and you shake it all about #" "# You do the Hokey-Pokey and you turn yourself around #" "# That's what it's all about #" "# Right hip!" "#" "# You put your right hip in, you put your right hip out #" "# You put your right hip in and you shake it all about #" "# You do the Hokey-Pokey and you turn yourself around #" "# That's what it's all about #" "# Left hip!" "#" "# You put your left hip in, you put your left hip out #" "# You put your left hip in and you shake it all about... #" "# Whole self!" "#" "# You put your whole self in, you put your whole self out #" "# You put your whole self in and you shake it all about #" "# You do the Hokey-Pokey and you turn yourself around #" "# That's what it's all about #" "# Backside!" "#" "# You put your backside in, you put your backside out #" "# You put your backside in and you shake it all about" "# You do the Hokey-Pokey and you turn yourself around... #" "Ooh!" "# You do the Hokey-Pokey #" "# You do the Hokey-Pokey... #" "# That's what it's all about. #" "Sylvia!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Taxi!" "Taxi!" "Ray Ray's service center, 6630 Harford Road." "Yes, ma'am." "Uhh." "Hey, lady, you can't change your clothes in here." " Why not?" " 'Cause I said so." "Want some fun?" "What are you doing?" " Can I get up front?" " No, you can't." " You can leave the meter running." " Stay in the back." " Oh, come on, I want some action." " Get off me, lady." "Hey... you can't do that stuff in here." " Get out!" " This cab free?" "Sure is, tiger." "Hey, hey, hey!" "Jeez!" "Go!" "What the hell was that?" "Oh." " # Mommy told me something... #" " Traitor!" "That's right, spread the word." "You bet, Big Ethel." "Here, put the pink ones on the cars." "Put the yellows on the houses." "Put that on the windshield." "And don't stop till you get to the end of the block." "# He will never ever leave you if your heart... #" " Who is it?" " It's Big Ethel." "We're having a decency rally..." "You better start in your own backyard then." "I heard your daughter Sylvia picked up a bottle with her cooter in the old folks' home." "She what?" "That's not true." "My daughter is a good girl." "She hates sex." "What is she talking about, that bitch?" "Hello?" "Ray Ray?" "It's me, Sylvia." "And I need full service." "I knew you'd find us, Sylvia." "Don't be afraid." "We've all had accidental concussions just like you." " You have?" " Yeah." "Mine was from the faulty hood of a customer's car that collapsed on my head while I was changing the oil." "And now I guide other head-injury sufferers to the final dawn of sexual awakening." " You've been sent to help us." " I have?" "We're all sex addicts and we have been waiting for you." " But why?" " Because you can lead us to an erotic orgasm we've never experienced." "I can't." "I promise you I can't." "I'm Loose Linda." "I fucked the entire Harford Road Police Department." "It's nice to meet you, Loose Linda." "Until you've hit your head, you can never really feel the power you get from sex." "My name is Paw Paw." "I'm on "bush patrol."" "I hope we can have sex one day." "I'd like that, Sylvia." "I knew you'd come." "You're number 12." " Number 12 what?" " All in good time." "Dave, is that you?" "We call him Dingy Dave and he's number three." "Don't worry, Mrs. Stickles, you'll understand soon." "Dingy Dave is lucky." "He's into mysophilia." "It's a sexual attraction to dirt." "He thought it was new." "But it wasn't." "Dirt worship's been around long before my accident." "I just didn't know." "Ray Ray has helped me understand my hypersexuality." "And he cured me of my herpes." "Like a miracle." "Oh, no, no, no, no, no." "We don't say the "m" word around here." " Oh." " Mrs. Stickles?" "May I, uh, be your vacuum cleaner?" "Well, I'm new to this, but I'll try." "Oh!" "Oh!" "It's like Noah's ark around here." "There is one of every perversion." "But, alas, it's all been done." "Brace yourself, Sylvia." "Got company!" "Officer Alvin!" "I'm an adult baby, Sylvia." "You want to be my mommy?" "Adult babies are into age regression." "They intensely eroticize being infants." "And sometimes they like to be burped." "I'm a big boy and I'm beyond the law." "# Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy... #" "As you grow to embrace your concussion, you'll learn to accept anything sexual as long as it's safe, consensual and doesn't harm others." "You wanna powder my chafed butt?" "Uh, I would, but I'm supposed to help Ray Ray think up a new sex act." "Maybe later." "Da-da..." "Number five, six and seven." "You may know us as neighbors, Sylvia, but in this world, we're into human sandwiches." "One day, we hope you'll be our "lettuce."" " You know about my Priority Penis." " Oof!" "Ow!" "I never thought it would be you." "Come on and meet the "Three Bears."" "We're husky, we're hairy, we're homosexual and out of the second closet." "And we can cuddle all night." "Yeah, hunting for some grizz-sm..." "Ever hear of sploshing?" "I only had my concussion this morning." "It's okay." "It's an English fetish." "Sploshing is the erotic urge to dump food in your private area." "Oh-ooh!" "I'm Messy Melinda and our bushes will burn together." "And of course you know of Fat Fuck Frank." "Mrs. Stickles, go home and free your daughter." "She's one of us and needs to be here now." "I'm number 11." "Number 11?" "Oh, my God!" "I'm the 12th apostle?" " Yes, shh." " Say it proud." "If you say it out loud, you might disappear." "No, no, no, I'm just Sylvia Stickles." "I'm a horny woman with a head injury." "I can..." "I know you are and we're gonna do something about that." "Ray Ray is a sex saint," " and he's got powers." " Amen to that." "I've got a hard-on of gold, and my tongue is on fire." "Oh, and I've got hot pants, Ray Ray." "We're all in heat." "And as you know, Sylvia is a cunnilingus bottom." "Yes, she is." "Who wants to eat her out?" "Let's go sexing!" "Yeah!" "Jesus Christ, how many houses do I gotta go to?" "Who is it?" "It's Big Ethel from up the Park-and-Pay." "We're having a decency rally tomorrow." "We want all Neuters to be there." "What's a Neuter?" "It's a normal person who is fed up with perversion." "Sign me up then." "Tonight a woman in my cab tried to grab my nutsack." "Oh, it's a sick world!" "# I don't know how it started I don't know what I did #" "# I don't know how it started i don't know what I did #" "# But there's a gal who's chasing me who really flipped her lid #" " Hey!" " # I call her my eager beaver baby #" "# Ooh, eager beaver baby... #" " Was that Sylvia Stickles?" " I think it was." "What happened to her?" "I don't know, but it's a dirty shame." "#..." "Well what am I gonna do #" "# With that eager beaver baby of mine?" "#" "Hello, Vaughn." "Hello, Betty." "Have you seen my wife?" "Come on in." "No, I can't." "Sylvia seems to be missing." "I was with her earlier, but..." "Maybe she's getting lucky." "Harford Road is wild these days." "Hey, hey, come on, open." "I seen you, Sylvia Stickles, showing your pubic patch to the bus driver." "You should move downtown where you belong, you whore." "End of the line." "Okay, buster, turn off the motor." " Who, me?" " Yeah, you!" "Yes, Ma'am!" "# Don't touch that spot that itchy-twitchy spot #" "# That spot that's swelling up and turning red... #" " Grrr..." " What are you doing in there?" "Vaughn, where is my daughter?" "I don't know, Big Ethel." "I can't find her." "Oh, don't go in there." "Bears live here." "Big fat hairy fags with dicks." "Hi, I'm Cow Patty." "I'm Vaughn." "I live up the street and I'm looking for my wife Sylvia." "I'm the only "Goldilocks" allowed in this bear cave." "I'm a bear hag." "And we call this..." "Bear soup!" "Wow, a tranny bear." "Come on in." "Police!" "# My gal is red hot #" "# Your gal ain't doodly squat #" "# Yeah, my gal is red hot #" " # Your gal ain't doodly squat... #" " Go, baby, go!" "Shake that thing!" "#... she's really got a lot... #" "Mother!" "What's the matter?" "#..." "Six feet four... #" "Nothing, honey." "I just wanted to have a little mother-daughter chat." "I'm so sorry I spoke so harshly about your vagina this morning." "It's all right." "Where did you get that outfit, Mother?" "Oh, you like it?" "It's my new apostle look." "Oh, you've got fan mail." "The mailman's got a big johnson, doesn't he?" "Mother!" "Well, your father's got a big one too." "Oh, you are freaking me out." "I was with Fat Fuck Frank this afternoon." "He seems to really like your tits." "Is he hung?" "He's about average." "Tell me, Ursula... 'cause that's the name you like to use, isn't it?" "Yes it is, Mother." "I know that Fat Fuck Frank is a tit man, but does he ever..." "well, you know..." ""whistle in the dark"?" "Yes, he does." "Thank you for asking." "Oh, my God!" "You have met Ray Ray." "Oh, Mother!" "# Goo-goo, da-da #" "# Goo-goo, da-da #" "Officer, it's not like my wife to just walk away." "She was probably kidnapped by sex fiends." "We've got orgies going on, perverts walking around." " Do something." " I am doing something." "# Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy #" "# Hmm, bouncy... #" "Goo-goo, Goo-goo, ma-ma!" " This isn't California." " It's Harford Road." "Baby just shaved his balls." "You wanna see 'em?" "Oh!" "I'm a sex addict, an exhibitionist, and I'm your daughter." "Oh, oh, Ursula... ever since my concussion," "I've learned so much about eros." "I'm a sex addict too." "I'm a cunnilingus bottom, and I'm your mother." "I tried to tell you about my maypole accident when I was 11." "But you never listened." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "I'll make it up to you, Ursula, I promise." "Let's go down to the Holiday House and fuck the whole bar." "Okay, Mom." "Let's go sexing!" "Ooh-ooh!" " Come on!" " I am coming as fast as I can." "# Well, I was drivin' down l-95 the other night #" "# Somebody nearly cut me right off the road #" "# I decided it wasn't gonna do any good to get mad #" "# So I wrote a song about him instead #" "# It goes like this... #" "# Were you born an asshole?" "#" "# Or did you work at it your whole life?" "#" "# Either way it's worked out fine #" "# 'Cause you're an asshole tonight... #" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ursula!" "Ursula!" "Ursula!" "Ursula!" "Ursula!" "Ursula!" "Ursula!" "Ursula!" "Ursula!" "# My gal is red hot #" "# Your gal ain't doodly squat #" "# Yeah, my gal is red hot #" "# Your gal ain't doodly squat #" "# Well, she ain't got no money #" "# But man, she's really got a lot #" "# Well, I got a gal, six feet four #" "# Sleeps in the kitchen with her feet out the door #" "# My gal is red hot #" "# Your gal ain't doodly squat #" "# Yeah, my gal is red hot #" "# Your gal ain't doodly squat #" "# Well, she ain't got no money #" "# But man, she's really got a lot... #" "Wait up, Vaughn." "Come on, Big Ethel." "Oh, my God." " Vaughn, I need my pills." " I know." "#..." "Well, she walks all night, talks all day... #" "That's my daughter." "That's my daughter!" "That's my daughter!" "#..." "Yeah, my gal is red hot... #" "Caprice!" "Capri..." "Hi." "Hey, come on." "Come on." "Ooh-hh!" "# Well, she's the kinda woman who's a lounge-around #" "# Spendin' my business all over town #" "# But my gal is red hot #" "# Your gal ain't doodly squat... #" "Aah!" "Let me go!" "Oh, Big Ethel!" "Get off my ass!" "Ooh." "Sylvia!" "Shoot!" "# Sylvia... #" "# Sylvia... #" "# Z-Y-X #" "# And W-V-U #" "# T-S-R-Q #" "# P-O-N-M-L-K #" "# J-l-H #" "# G-F-E-D-C-B-A #" "# We say the backward alphabet #" "# It's complex #" "# And trouble to learn too #" "# But you can do it if you put your mind to it #" "# That's the way... #" "# Now everybody say it #" "# You can do the backwards alphabet #" "# Z-Y-X... #" "# You can learn the backwards alphabet #" "# S-R-Q-P... #" "# You can learn the backwards alphabet... #" " Sylvia?" " Hmm?" "You have what is known as a "runaway vagina."" " I do?" " You had a concussion, honey." "Sometimes a booboo on the head can trigger inappropriate sexual outbursts." " You're a sex addict, Sylvia." " And you've hit bottom." "Don't listen to them, Mother." "Sexual addiction is a privilege." "You know that." "Do you know how embarrassing this is for me?" "One nymphomaniac in the family's bad enough, but two?" "!" "It's a disease, Big Ethel." "Being a whore is a disease?" "Caprice, because of your criminally enlarged breasts..." "You're a freak." "The bloodstream to your brain has been blocked, causing permanent depression." "I'm not depressed." "Daddy!" " You should be depressed." " No, I don't want Prozac!" " No..." " These will make you feel normal." "I don't want to feel normal!" "Mother, help me." "Caprice, I apologize for my shameful behavior." "Don't you recognize the concussion?" "Just swallow." "prozac can lower the libido and stymie the sexual fantasies of many female patients." "And then finally, finally we can schedule you for a breast reduction operation." "No!" "I don't want to be Neuter." "Maybe she's right." "Sex addicts are everywhere." "And soon they're gonna discover a new sex act." "I'm supposed to help them." "It will pass, Sylvia." "No, there's this guy named Ray Ray and he is their leader and he ate me out." "Ugh!" "You let strangers put their germ-filled mouths on your uterus?" "Sylvia, Dr. Arlington told me about these meetings." "Yeah, they're for people like you." "Honey, the whole family is gonna go, Sylvia." "But we're not telling anybody." "# Sylvia... #" "I've got a hard-on of gold, and my tongue is on fire." "Let's go sexing...?" "Sylvia, stay on this side." "You had a concussion, honey." "Mmph." "No, Caprice, you know it doesn't work that way." "It has to be an accident." "Oh, please, I beg of you." "Help me to keep my sexual sobriety." "Please." "Ho-ho-ho!" "# Do you like boobs a lot?" "Yes, I like boobs a lot #" "# Boobs a lot, boobs a lot, you gotta like boobs a lot #" "# Really like boobs a lot, you gotta like boobs a lot #" "# Boobs a lot, boobs a lot, you gotta like boobs a lot #" "# Down in the locker room, just we boys #" "# Beating down the locker room with all that noise #" "# Singing "Do you like boobs a lot?" you gotta like boobs a lot... #" "# Boobs a lot, boobs a lot..." "you like boobs a lot #" "# Do you wear your jock a lot?" "#" "Oh...!" "# If I forget to say my prayers #" "# The devil jumps with glee #" "# That he feels so awful-awful #" "# When he sees me on my knees #" "# So if you're full of trouble #" "# And you never seem to win #" "# Just open up your heart #" "# And let the sun shine in #" "# So let the sun shine in #" "# Face it with a grin #" "# Open up your heart #" "# And let the sun shine in. #" "Sex." "My name is Paige," "I'm from Roxton and I am a sex addict." "My drug of choice..." "frottage, the sexual rubbing-up on unsuspecting citizens." ""Excuse me," I'd say, while I'd grind my crotch into an unsuspecting passenger on a crowded airplane." "Halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired." "No one ever knew." "I was in first class..." "Hello, I'm Ronnie the Rimmer and I'm a sex addict." "Uh." "Uh!" "I'm Sylvia and my clitoris is in crisis." "I'm Sylvia's husband Vaughn, and..." "I'm trying to understand." "And this is my daughter, Caprice." "Yeah, and Prozac saved my life." "I'm Big Ethel and don't get any ideas, I'm normal." "Hello, I'm Tony the Tickler and I was a tickle top." "And that's nothing to laugh at." "We are the Stickles family and it's nice to be here." "Excuse me, I'd say for the hundredth time... this is Lu Ann and Larry." "We were into "Roman showers."" "Vomiting on each other as foreplay." "But that doesn't come up anymore." "No, siree, a higher power saved us." "I want these people arrested and punished to the full extent of the law." "Let me lead you to recovery." "Once, a man on jury duty complained that I rode his knee when we filed in to announce the verdict." "But I denied it to the judge." "Sex addicts learn to lie." "Denial... don't need you to know that I am lying." "They call me Dora." "And I'm a chronic masturbator." "I've been sober only two weeks now." "I'm Sylvia and I've hit bottom." "...day in and day out." "Finally someone reported me to a security guard and I was arrested." " I would hope so." " We don't judge others here, madam." "Progress, not perfection." "Sex addicts, your meetings are my life." "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "Halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired..." "All this yelling is giving me a "Swedish headache."" "you know what I mean?" "Horny." "This woman is crazy." "Nothing's the matter with "beating the beaver" once in a while." "Hello, I'm Paige and I am a sex addict." "I'm Sylvia and I can't control my..."axis of evil."" "let me be your sponsor, Sylvia." "Thank you." "I'm so ashamed." " Admit to God... you are a whore." " I'm a whore." "Make a list of all the people you've fucked and apologize to their parents." "My name is Mr. Pay Day." " And I'm here for a little scat chat." " Thank you." "A pay day is an unflushed turd, hence my name." "I used to defecate in public restrooms up and down Harford Road" " and never flush the toilet." " That was him?" "But my life of turd abuse didn't stop there, oh no." "I started doing "upper deckers"... shitting in the top tank of the toilet, where no one would ever look to find the odor." "I can certainly judge that." " Progress, not perfection." " Thank you." "Thank you, it really means a lot." "Hi, my name is Caprice and I am a sex addict." "I used to be known as Ursula Udders, but let me tell you, Ursula Udders is utterly over." "I'm on Prozac now and I am a new woman." "Oh." "Halt, hungry, angry..." "Ever jerk off when one of your hands is asleep?" "No." "Look, please, I'm a Neuter." "You should try it." "It feels like somebody else is doing it." "I defied nature and now I must pay the price." " Ever take a "rufie"?" " No!" "Me neither." "I'm afraid I'd stay home and date rape myself all night long." "...that I will get a breast reduction operation." "Yes." "I will." " I promise." " Yes!" "Yes!" "And I will never be nude again!" "Thank you." "Thank you." "I got my girls." "Er... er..." "my name is Sylvia," "And I too am a sex addict." "But I'm not dirty anymore." "Grrr-rr..." "That's right, Sylvia." "You know how long your poor dead father had to wait?" "It was a long hard road to this vagina." "We must warn others in the concussion community, that a head injury is not an excuse for debauchery." "That's right, sister!" "But your vagina belongs to eternity, Sylvia Stickles." "be gone, Beelzebub." "Let my mother's pussy be!" "I'm not your filthy apostle." "No, sir, no!" "I'm not number anything." "He is a fraud." "Remember Jim Jones?" "Remember People's Temple?" "He's a sex addict." "A filthy controlling pervert who wants your soul." "It's all mumbo-jumbo." "He's just a filthy man." "Sex addicts, you are the chosen people." "Help us uncover nature's secret." "Halt, horny, anal, lustful, titties." " Seduce your sponsor." " One fuck at a time." "Intimacy equals inadequacy." "What's the matter with you people?" "You're wasting valuable sex time." "Your cunt is like a charity." "You must give, give and give..." "I'm slipping." "I'm slipping." "Recovery is regression." "It will never pass." "No, don't!" "I have to." "Don't listen to him." "Stop it." "Please, I'm a Neuter!" "Concussion sufferers, find the new orgasm and we'll all be supernatural." "It's out there, you just..." "I have to do this." "There is no higher power than sex!" "Stop it!" "Aah-ah!" "Stop it, don't touch me." "I've been neutered." "Let no sex act..." "You're fired, David, and no unemployment neither." "It's okay." "This is sex." "There is a beautiful woman here tonight named Sylvia who can reveal a secret." "And that woman is my wife!" "Vaughn, let us show you eternal sexual satisfaction." " We love you." " Love?" "!" "Whatever you do, don't call it love." "Oh, God!" "Let's go sexing!" "# Help me Mr. Fireman, please #" "# You know I'm burning from my head to my knees #" "# I'm aflame with such a burning desire #" "# That little girl sets my soul on fire #" "# She's got me burning up like a paper cup #" "# Whoo-whoo-whoo, I'm on fire... #" "Come on, Dad!" " Go, baby." " Get off of me!" "Ooh!" "Sylvia, Sylvia?" "Sylvia?" "#..." "Hmmm, hmmm, I'm on fire... # ...the shock of each moment and still be alive." "You've got the devil in your cervix, that's what you've got." "Come home to my penis where you belong." "I can't, Vaughn." "I'm a libertine." "I say no to sexual addiction." "You'll get a yeast infection." "Now is the time for home invasion!" "# Oh, his pop-up doesn't pop up anymore... #" "Somebody help!" "# It just doesn't do the thing it did before... #" "Somebody gave him pills!" "#..." "His pop-up will not pop up anymore. #" "We're gonna make a nice sauce..." "Oh, my God!" "Okay, who wants to fuck me?" "I do." "She wants me!" " Get off of him!" " Let me go with her!" "# Have faith, hope and charity #" " # Have faith, hope and charity... #" " Sex is disgusting!" "# That's the way to live successfully #" "# That's the way to live successfully #" "# How do I know?" "The Bible tells me so... #" "# How do I know?" "The Bible tells me so... #" "# How do I know?" "The Bible tells me so... #" "# The Bible tells me... #" "# Do good to your enemies #" "# And the blessed Lord you'll surely please #" "# How do I know?" "The Bible tells me so #" "# The Bible tells me #" "# Don't worry 'bout tomorrow #" "# Just be real good today #" "# The Lord is right beside you... #" "All right, everybody, just come on in." "That's right, everybody in." "Thank you." "Thank you so much for coming out tonight." " We got toilet paper?" " We've got toilet paper." "We couldn't be doing this without you." "Move up, everybody, okay?" "Now, parents, talk to your children tell them how repulsive sex is." "And kids, tell your mom and dad the truth." "Second base isn't just feeling up a bra strap anymore." "No, it's a blow job." "No blow jobs!" "Teenagers everywhere, come on, join the Neuter resistance." "We're not here protesting anything tonight, are we, Neuters?" "No!" "We're for something." "Yes, yes!" "That's right." "We're for the end of tolerance." "Tolerance went too far and we all know it." "No more tolerance!" "No more tolerance!" "No more tolerance!" "No more tolerance!" "No more tolerance!" "Hurry, hurry!" "Hey, feel like blowing some tunes?" "Come on, don't be shy, what's the matter with you?" "Hey!" "I'm Sylvia Stickles and I've got the itch." "# Hoo-hah, hoo-hah... #" "# Baby, baby... #" "# Baby, baby, baby... #" "Down here!" "Come on and join the fun!" "Ooh!" "Hey, hey you white devil!" "Come on up here and give me some of that strange." "...pussy wants some action." "That's right, Sylvia, we're going pearl diving." "Yes, siree, I'm looking to go "below 14th Street."" "Get it, Sylvia, get it while you can." "I'm coming as fast as I can." "No, you're not, motherfucker." "Whoa!" "Get your ass in here now." "Get out of here, come on, beat it, Sylvia." "Fucking tranquilizers." "It's all right." "Ray Ray is gonna be all better, right?" "You betrayed me." "No, I'm back." "I just had a relapse." "Heretics!" "Because of you I can't have sex." "It's not our fault, we're sorry." "Try this." ""Face The Nation."" "No." "Help me." " I want to be horny." " You will be." "Concentrate." "Did you know sex is even infiltrating the economy?" "Experts estimate at least 15,000 Americans are masturbating at work right this minute." "Masturbation is costing American business..." "Come back, Caprice." "Get out." "This is a Neuter establishment." "We don't serve Ray Ray's people here." "Don't get a breast reduction, Ursula." "Fat Fuck Frank will die." "Oh, his spiritual life is already dead." "But it's coming!" "No, it isn't." "There is no new sex act." "The Ressur-sexion is about to happen." "Oh, God, you're crazy." "This is Tuesday night." "This is Harford Road." "This is a school night!" "Ladies, let's start over." "Have you heard about vaginal restoration?" "Any gynecologist can do it." "The hymen is sewn back together." "Ah-agh!" "Hey, rent a room, not here." " Get the hell out of my store." " Just come on, you guys." "Oh, Vaughn, get this creep out of here." "Right now, I want you out of here." " Ugh!" " # On top of spaghetti #" "# All covered with cheese... #" "Use a napkin, you freak." "#..." "I lost my poor meatball... #" "# When somebody sneezed... #" " Oh yeah." " # When somebody sneezed. #" "They're everywhere." "They're in the bushes." "Dad, somebody's licking our tires." " Honey, don't look." " Hey, pervert!" "Leave our family alone." " Oof!" " Come on, let's just get out of here." "Oh-ho-ho." "Oh." "Ooh, ever hear of helicoptering?" "Whipping someone's face with your erect penis?" " Whap, whap, whap!" " Old hat." " Shrimping?" " Everybody licks toes." "Tromboning... jacking off when you're taking a crap?" "I did that during the Reagan Administration." "Try some vitamins." "I need to satisfy someone." "Oh, yeah." "# Tell me a story #" "# Tell me a story #" "# Tell me a story, remember what you said #" "# You promised me, you said you would #" "# You've got to give in so I'll be good #" "# Tell me a story... # yes, Mommy's drying dishes so that pretty little baby will have clean plate-plates when we move to our new house." "#..." "Go home without my raise in pay #" " # Home by the fire where a man can... #" " Mama!" "Mama!" "# Sleep out there by the chair #" "# Not a worry, not a care... #" "Come on, you're the cunnilingus concussion king." "Am I?" "Am I?" "So many vaginas, so little time." "I try and do good work." "Sometimes chocolate helps." "Oh, give me the green one." "Boy, those fuckers work." "I managed to cop some spanish fly down on the block." "Oh, that's some good shit." " Felching?" " Done it." " Getting your "red wings"?" " I got 'em." " Plate job?" " Over and under." " Blossoms?" " Don't want them." "Ever tried these?" "Damn Viagra." "And I'm already there." ""Astral-orgasm,"" "reaching an out-of-body state through sexual arousal." "Let's go sexing!" "Come on, you can't do that inside." "Take it outside." "Yeah, I'm looking for to get blowed." "We don't have that." "I've been scarred!" "Get off me, I'm straight." "So's spaghetti till you get it heated up." "I tell you, this virginal operation works." "Even the most skeptical man will be convinced." "You're what I'd call a pity fuck?" "The restored virgin fills a gelatin capsule with blood and inserts it into her vagina just before intercourse." "You're all crazy." "When she has sex for the first time, the hymen will pop." "You'll be a virgin for the second time." " Leave us alone." " Help!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Call the National Guard." "To hell with Harford Road!" "We're moving back to D.C. Where we belong." " Frank, call them off." " But, Ursula, they are hotter than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire, you know that." "I am pure now, Fat Blank Frank, I'm a Neuter." "Just let them puppies loose, honey." "I have faced the beast of lust and I have won." "Besides, my back hurts." "I get rashes." "Simple chores bother me." "I would like to sleep on my stomach, if you don't mind." "Please, Ursula...!" " Let's go sexing." " N-O spells no!" " Come on, man..." " This isn't that kind of place." "Lady!" "aah... auto-erotic asphyxiation." "Oh, you oughta try it, ahh!" " Let me in, you know you got it." " Get away!" "We're not horny." "We're married." "We don't want anything." "Somebody somewhere, finish me up!" " Huh?" " Feel like getting lucky?" "Huh?" "Huh-Uh." "Hey, how about you?" "Huh?" "How about you?" "Uh-huh." "You are barred from the Pinewood Park-and-Pay." "Ever hear of mononucleosis?" "Get help!" " Oh, my God!" " Hey, polar bear," " you know what an "otter" is?" " No." "It's a bear cub who isn't fat or hairy yet, but will be." "Find me a significant otter." "Ungh!" "Whoop!" "Oof!" "Oh!" "Yes!" "Get out, you disgusting piece of filth." "Get out now and never come back." "Yeah, baby!" "Oh, no, not you!" "Yeah, baby!" "Yeah, baby!" "Whoo-ooh!" "Yeah!" "Ursula!" "Ursula!" "Ursula!" "Mom!" "# Yeah, my gal is red hot #" "# Your gal ain't doodly squat #" "# Well she ain't got no money, but man, she's really got a lot... #" "# Oh, baby, let me bang your box #" "# Baby, let me bang your box #" "# Baby, let me bang your box #" "# Baby, let me bang your box #" "# Baby, let me bang it, baby, let me bang it #" "# Baby, let me bang your box #" "#..." "Let me bang your box, oh, baby, I'll give you a thrill... #" "This is a liberated area." "The sexual revolution has been won." "You can finally be free." "Come out." "The Neuters have fled." "There is somebody for everybody." " That means you!" " Ray Ray!" "Straight, gay or bi, there's a new sex act just waiting for you." "Sex for everybody!" "Fuck your neighbors joyously." "Hurry!" "You, on your front lawn." "Join us." "Come on, let's go." "The Neuters are history." "We are taking over!" "Today Harford Road..." "Tomorrow the world!" "Then all of Baltimore, then up to Washington and finally New York, the Midwest, the South, California," "Europe, Japan, North Korea... the whole world will soon fuck at the same time." "Sexual anarchy will finally happen." "Come on, let's go!" "Jump on!" "Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has informed us that we have begun our final approach into Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport." "Mr. Hasselhoff?" "Sorry to interrupt, but you are my favorite star." " Can I have your autograph?" " Yeah, sure." " Thank you." " If you must use the lavatory prior to our scheduled arrival, please do so at this time." "Excuse me one second." "Thanks." "Per FAA regulations, please put away any electronic devices." "Flight crew, prepare for landing." "Sylvia!" "Ursula!" "You're beautiful, baby..." "I'm past that, Fat Frank, forever!" "Yeah, come on." "Oh, my pills!" "Oh!" "Oh..." "Honey... can I have some lunch downtown?" " Oh." " Dad, ah!" "Oh-hh!" " Ha-ha!" " No, Vaughn, I've done that." "You know, don't you?" "Oh!" "Oh-hh!" "Oh-hh...!" "She was a Neuter." "A sexual anorexic whose time has come." "Ow!" "Oh!" "Big Ethel...?" "Ooh-oh!" "The big "O."" "Do it for us one more time, Ray Ray." "Now, Ray Ray, now!" "Now!" "Let's go sexing!" "# At the end of a rainbow #" "# You'll find a pot of gold #" "# At the end of a story #" "# You'll find it's all been told #" "# But our love has a treasure #" "# Our hearts can always spend #" "# And it has a story #" "# Without any end #" "# At the end of a river #" "# The water stops its flow #" "# At the end of a highway #" "# There's no place you can go #" "# But just tell me you love me #" "# And you are only mine #" "# And our love will go on #" "# Till the end... #" "# Of time #" "# At the end of a river #" "# The water stops its flow #" "# At the end of a highway #" "# There's no place you can go #" "# But just tell me you love me #" "# And you are only mine #" "# And our love will go on #" "# Till the end... #" "# Of time #" "# Till the end... #" "# Of time. #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# You know I love you #" "# When you make me feel good #" "# A funny feeling #" "# Pounding in my head #" "# My hands are trembling #" "# My eyes are turning red #" "# I'm a desperate man #" "# With a heavy load #" "# Like a volcano #" "# I'm about to explode #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# You know I love you #" "# When you make me feel good #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# You know I love you #" "# When you make me feel good #" "# Come on, concussion, liberate my brain #" "# My pulse is rushing #" "# There's lava in my veins #" "# Pumping with passion #" "# Throbbing with desire #" "# A heatseeker missile with a burning tailfire #" "# Oh, let's go sexing #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# I'll say I love you #" "# If it makes you feel good #" "# I'm a wild Roman candle #" "# With, baby, loads of fire #" "# Oh, let's go sexing #" "# Yeah, let's go sexing #" "# Let's go sexing #" "# I'll say I love you #" "# If you make me feel good #" "# Oh yeah!" "#"