"Previously on The Big C..." " Do you have cancer?" " Melanoma... stage four." "I know you're very sick, and I think this trial could save your life." "I've changed." "I want to be the one to spill the fruit punch." "But you're not the spilling-the-fruit-punch type." "Starting to get your weird back, sis." "You have no idea." "Aren't you afraid of dying?" "I'm more afraid of not getting everything done before I go." "Nobody has that much time." "You haven't been happy for 20 years?" "That's basically the entire time you've known me." "I'm gonna hang on as long as I can." "And Adam..." "if he's not ready to grieve, then I'm not ready to go." "When did you steal the keys to my storage locker, Adam?" "All that stuff in there has my name on it." "No, it's for when you're older and I'm dead." "What happened to you?" "I'm her brother..." "her secret shame, the itch she can't scratch." "Shut your face up." "The room is all yours." "I appreciate this, Mrs. Jamison." "Do you know who I am?" "I'm not stupid." "I just have Alzheimer's." "You can't remember where you put a gun?" "I know why I keep seeing you." "You're trying to pull me over to the other side, Marlene." "And look out for Thomas." "He likes you." "I am a blogger." "I feel the need to write it all down." "I'm about to go on tour." "You could join me as the "Flip That Switch" guy." "Flip that switch!" "Flip that switch!" "I want to do that dive tomorrow." " Who's your dive buddy?" " Uh, Cathy?" "She's the only one not back." "Carajo!" "Where the hell is the dive boat?" "We are living a strange reality out here, angel." "My doctor called me yesterday." "He told me my tumors are growing." "I think I'm gonna die within a year." "Angel?" "Angel." "It's weird, because you think ashes are gonna be more like..." "Ashes?" "Yeah, but..." "I don't know...there's just... there's chunky stuff in it." "Well, ashes to ashes, dust to chunky matter." "It's bits of bone." "You know, bone and, um..." "What if some of it's left over from whoever was cremated beforehand?" "Oh, come on, that's morbid." "Y'all are morbid." "I'm depressed, Marlene." "Can't relate." "I'm so thrilled to have my boy back." "I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your funeral ten feet away," "Thomas, but my bones are cold from the inside out." "Oh, it sounds like you've got your crap-colored glasses on." "What do you want your epitaph to say?" "You think you've fulfilled all your goals?" "Did you have any goals?" "What about, "Thomas... he once shit where he lay and didn't seem to notice"?" "How about, "Lucky me, I had no idea I was sick"?" "Oh, cheer up." "At least your surgery got you a sensible new hairdo." "Every time I look at it, I just..." "I just think about those doctors inside my head, touching my brain wrinkles." "Would you have preferred that they left those mets in there," " pressing on your brain?" " Maybe." "Honestly." "I mean, if they're what's responsible for that... that dream, that hallucination... whatever it is you want to call it... that made me feel like I was on a boat in the sun eating oranges, that angel was real..." "I mean, if that's what happens when you're about to die, you just get to experience some beautiful dream... instead of feeling like this..." "Maybe." "Great." "Now I'm depressed." "How'd it go?" "Our friend is buried." "We have said our good-byes." "Adam actually said a nice little prayer... quite lovely." "Oh, that's great." "You know, I..." "I bet he's with Marlene." "You should write, "Thomas ate shoes."" "Or, "He may be gone, but he left his odor."" "I'll see you guys later." " Where are you going?" " Soccer practice?" " Oh, right." " I'll drop you off." "I'm headed back to the dorms." "Dorm life was my favorite part of college..." " just a carefree utopia." " Oh, I know." "My roommate and I are decorating our room so it looks like a club..." "disco ball, the whole thing." "Super fun." "Oh, that makes me so happy, Andrea." "Thanks for letting me do my laundry here, though." "Yeah, thanks for actually washing your clothes." "I did all of your laundry while I was at it, Mrs. J." " You didn't have to do that." " It was there." "Plus, it was worth it to see Adam's cock." "Whoa!" " What?" " Huh?" "I know those were your rooster boxers." "Uh, there are multiple roosters, so it would be "cocks."" " I'll drive." " No, you will not." " No!" " No, you will not." "Why?" "I get my license in, like, a week." "Well, speaking of which, what do you want to do for your sweet 16?" "I want to get my license and have you stop calling it a "Sweet 16."" "Don't you want a party?" "No." "See you guys later." " See ya." " Bye." "I think we should throw him a party." "He wants to get his license." "You know, I think that's enough." "A little dinner, you know?" "How you doing?" "Filled with dread." "I have these waves of panic, and I think," ""Oh, my God, what, is someone stuck under a car?"" "And then I think, "Oh, no, no."" "I just have my next round of chemo in four days." "What can I do?" "Come here." "If you are going to sleep on the couch, just fold the covers neatly when you get up." "Okay." "I can make my couch." "I got it." "It's just I'm still so tired from my last round." "Why don't you go to bed?" "Yeah, well, but if I just keep going to sleep," "I might as well be dead." "You know, please don't talk that way." "You know, I know this chemo is tough, but it's keeping you alive." "You got to..." "What?" "Well, you have to focus on the positive." "You know." "You have to, um..." "You want to say it." "Just say it." "Flip that switch." "Knock, knock." "Everybody decent?" "Yes, we are." "Come on in." "Hi, Amber." "Got the prototypes for the "Flip That Switch" lamp." "There's, like, 20 of 'em." "I put the rest in the garage." "Oh, wow." "Let's take a look." "How are you doing?" "Fantastic." "Thanks for asking." "How are you?" "Uh, so good." "I read the first chapter of Paul's book last night." "I thought it was just gonna be like your lecture in print, but you go so much deeper than that." "And I'm not just saying that because you're my boss, Paul." " Oh, thank you." " Really, it's excellent." "Oh, my God, I mean, I could cry right now just even thinking about it." "I couldn't quit tweeting about it." " Uh, no specifics, though." " Huh." " Well, these turned out great." " Amazing." "Huh?" "Awesome." " That's kind of cool." " Cute." "Where are you going?" "I was just..." "I'm gonna go work on my lesson plan for tomorrow." "Who am I kidding?" "Good night, everybody." "It's a..." "Pedicab." "Okay." "Look, I love being your personal chauffeur." "Your chemo treatments, school..." "I really want to be that guy, but, Cath, I can't drive your car anymore." "I'm calling bullshit on myself." "I can't pollute." "I give a hoot." "So, I, uh..." "I made the bartering deal of the century, and I got us this." "We just have to leave, you know, a little earlier than usual." "I got you a blanket." "There you go." "Cathy." "Connie." "You don't seem happy." "I'm happy." "I'm so..." "I'm so happy." "Is that all?" "Well, we've been poring over the results of last year's standardized tests, and they indicate that some of our students are not testing well in history." "Which students?" "Your students." "Interesting." "Now, we're aware that since you got sick, you've been playing a little fast and loose with the curriculum." "No, no, no, I-I-I teach the curriculum, Connie, and then I use it to springboard into..." "Different subjects." "My freshmen reenacted the battle at wounded knee." "My seniors... they wrote stump speeches and then performed them on stumps." "Canst we not have funeth?" "You had all your students do mail-order DNA tests." "Which I paid for." "It's not history." "Personal history." "Turns out two of my white kids are blacker than my black kid." "If you think that didn't provoke interesting conversation, you'd be wrong." "You need to teach..." "To the test." "Good old American history from the textbook." "So, unfortunately, we will not be designing our own family crest today as planned." "No, I know." "I know." "I'm bummed too." "Instead... we have to get through this book." "So... page 540..." "The Civil War." "A lot of good things came out of the civil war." "Of course, everyone who survived it is dead now." "Lessons about dead people taught by the dying." "Okay." "Chapter 17!" "Oh!" "Thank you for joining me." "Hope you were up to something fun." "Surfing the web for future vacation destinations." "May I recommend Puerto Rico?" "You're a little anemic." "How you feeling?" "Anemic." "Steak for breakfast wouldn't hurt." "Get some iron pills." "Does that explain why I'm exhausted all the time?" "I can write you a prescription." "And I-I..." "oh, I'm pretty sure those antidepressants you gave me are not working, unless they're supposed to make me more depressed." "Maybe you gave me ampi-depressants that amplify my depression." "Do you think you did that?" "They take about three weeks to kick in." "Well, I-I think it's been about three weeks or..." "God, who knows?" "Chemo makes me so forgetful." "Well, it's doing the job... shrinking the mets we couldn't get with surgery," " which will buy..." " Buy me more time." " Look, I'm still trying to figu..." " Here, that's for the... that's for the iron." "Oh, and I think I'm seeing the angel of death." "I mean, is...is that... is that due to the mets, or am I just crazy?" "Or am I being summoned?" "I mean, do you have any other patients who talk about seeing him?" "He's got... this black hair..." "it's curly." "Kind of sexy, but married." "Sounds like an active imagination." "Uh, excuse me." "Wait a minute." "Did you just sigh?" "What is it, Catherine?" "What do you want?" "Just a few more seconds of your time, please." "I don't have the time right now." " Well, you need to find it." " Fine, Cathy." "Do I think the mets are causing hallucinations?" "No, not based on their location." "What else?" "How much time exactly is this chemo giving me?" "I don't know." " What...six months, a year?" " Possibly." "If I don't do the chemo, is it possible I could still have that much time?" "Is it possible?" "Yes." "There are a lot of things that are possible." "Look, Cathy, the chemo is doing what we want it to do." "If it were me, that's what I'd be doing." "Good news..." "it's not you." "Now, are we done?" "Or do you have more questions that I've already given you the answer to?" "Oh, well, excuse me." "I'm so sorry to be so annoying." "But don't worry..." "I'll be out of your life soon, since I'm dying." "Which makes you special how?" "I have other patients I have to see." "At least I could be myself with my doctor... admit I was depressed." "Yeah, but then he went all asshole on you." "He sure did." "I guess now I'm gonna have to put on an act for him too." ""Oh, I just..." "I'm so happy."" ""I'm so happy" ""that I live in an age where I can enjoy" ""the fruits of medical science." "I-I love chemo."" "Well, who else can you be honest with?" "You're not enough?" "Oh, no." "I am great." "I am great, I give you that, but just someone you've had a longer history with and aren't paying could be a real asset." "Well, it can't be Adam." "And Paul thinks if you fake a good attitude, you'll live forever." "Oh, that could get really annoying." "Oh, you think?" "What's even more annoying, though, is that basically Paul asked me for a divorce before I passed out in Puerto Rico." "So, the way I see it, he's just waiting for me to die to move on, which on some level, I respect, but... but then he wants me to stay positive so I'll live." "Ironic, huh?" "Yep." "You know, the chemo killed my taste buds." "It's like eating five pounds of play-doh." "How do you think I feel?" "I'm giving up vegetarianism to iron-load with you." " I hate my doctor." " Me too." "Thank you." "I hate feeling bad all the time." "Well, I don't know how you do it." "Thank you." "You know, doctors are so cocky 'cause people treat them like gods, but they're not gods." "Not even God's a God." "I'm..." "I'm never gonna finish this." "Well, at least this is cooked through." "You remember those barbecues we used to go to at the Ilson's?" "My God, those people were so rich." "No, they weren't that rich." "But Mr. Ilson... he never cooked his burgers all the way through." "It was like...it was like blood and guts on a bun." "Like, "Moo!"" "I just remember..." "Gwen Ilson had one of those giant giraffes in her bedroom." "She'd never let me pet it." "Well, she never let me pet her either." "You know, I think those burgers are what turned me off meat." "Fuck Mr. Ilson." "Yeah, fuck Mr. Ilson." "And fuck Dr. Sherman." "And fuck Dr. Sherman." "And fuck Gwen!" "Hey." "How are you?" "Okay..." "Except I can't find my earrings." "Oh, that sucks." "I don't think you guys are supposed to smoke in here." "We disabled the smoke alarm." "You sure you didn't see a pair of diamond hoop earrings?" "They're really sparkly, and I know how much you love sparkles." "Nope." "Maybe you should clean up your area a little bit." "Usually when I lose something, I start cleaning," " and then I can find..." " Are you saying I'm messy?" "I didn't hear myself say that." "I think it was implied." "Okay, I'll put it this way... you are messy." "I didn't see your earrings." "But I did see your herpes medication in the bathroom, in case you're looking for it." "Come on, you can do it." "It's...it's just one little bite." "Just put it in your mouth." "Yes, all right." "Now...now...now...now swallow." "Swallow." "Are you a swallower?" "Don't answer that question." " Yes!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Hoo!" "Yeah!" " Uh-huh!" "Yeah!" "We did it." "Two winners here, ladies and gentlemen!" "Winners!" "Free burgers for us!" "What's the matter?" "You okay?" "Cathy." "I'm so sorry." " I thought you were dead." " No, it's just..." "I'm sorry." "Can I help you?" "I'll come back later." "You're scaring the children." "I have parents calling me asking what's going on." "Tell them I had brain surgery." "I...they cut my hair." "I'm not used to it." "Just...just think about a leave of absence, and then when you're finished with your chemo and you're feeling better..." "You want to hear something funny?" "I may not feel better, Connie." "This may be as good as it gets for me." "And maybe it's okay to scare the children a little bit." "Maybe it'll be good for them, so...so that when they..." "When they lose their grandmother or, God forbid, they have to watch their mom or their dad suffer through chemo, it won't be so terrifying or hurt quite so bad." "I really feel for you." "I don't need you to feel for me." "I need you to let me come here every day and do my job as best I can." "It's the everyday things that are keeping me going, and I need to keep going until Adam graduates next year." "That's my goal." "My cancer handbook told me to pick a goal, and that's mine." "Well, that's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about." "Adam." "Adam." " You're failing chemistry?" " I don't know." "Yes!" "You are failing chemistry." "Surely this does not come as a surprise." "Apparently, you failed two quizzes, and you didn't turn in a third." " Mom, I'll make 'em up, okay?" " Let's go." "I can't." "I have soccer." "You do not get to be on the soccer team while you're failing a class." "Grades first, then sports." "Home." "No." "Over my dead body are you not graduating on time, and I'm in a unique position to make good on that threat." "Here you go, guys." "Jeez." "Whoa." "You okay?" "I'll catch up with you guys later." "Damn it." "How you doing?" "Great." "Adam said that you pulled him off the soccer team... you know, kind of put on a big show in front of all his teammates." "Oh, did he call it a show?" "I didn't even sing." "Not funny." "He's failing chemistry, Paul." "If he gets his grades up, he can play soccer." "Yeah, but big picture..." "don't you think, you know, he needs to have some fun, you know?" "Get out of the house?" "Are we talking about you or Adam?" "I might be sleeping on the couch, but I'm here." "Okay?" "I'm here." "And you don't get to parent him by yourself." "You will." "What?" "You will get to parent him by yourself when I'm gone." "Why do you have to talk like that?" "And you'll get to consult on all the really fun stuff... picking a college." "You know, "This one has the better sports team, but that one has the best weather."" "You'll know who he marries." "You'll even get to weigh in." ""That Beth...she's a keeper." "I really like her."" "So just give me frickin' high school, okay?" "Heya." "Jeez, Andrea, I didn't even know you were here." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I just popped by to get a flatiron I left here." "And then I started running the vacuum cleaner in my old room." "You know, I am just like my mother." "Cleaning really helps me think." "So I ended up organizing all of your linens and stuff." "Okay, I do not need you to clean my house, Andrea." "I know that." "You are..." "you are welcome here anytime." "But let's not pretend it's for any other reason other than you feel sorry for me, or you think I can't do things for myself." "You just call it like it is." "That's really not why..." "You are a college student." "You should be out having fun with your friends, so just... just leave." "Go!" "Have fun." "Hey." "This has my name on it." "I'm just telling you so that nobody eats it, 'cause I brought in a lunch the other day, and I'm pretty sure that somebody ate it... accidentally, I'm sure." "Hey, Paul, do the rest of those lamps work?" " Nope." " Yeah, mine neither." "It's so weird." "I'm traveling to Chicago next week... give a couple talks, meet my publisher." "Want me to cancel?" "No, you should go, because you also get to pay for his college." "Seat number two is all yours." "Colon." "I smoked all through med school." "I really thought lung was gonna get me." "They're both pretty good." "I'm sorry about your last appointment." "I was..." "I was just having a bad day." "You are not a God." "I'm not a God." "Aren't you gonna tell your patients?" "I think I might have to." "I should've told you, but I don't want to scare anybody." "Oh, that's..." "I've been doing that a lot lately." "It's not fun." "It is kind of interesting to see things through the eyes of patients, though." "Oh, really?" "Huh." "'Cause you didn't seem that empathetic the other day." "Well, I'm still learning." " Oh." " Yeah." "Then can I ask you a question," " patient-to-patient?" " What?" "Does chemo give you the shits?" "I-I think that's why I was late the other day" " when I was seeing you." " Yeah." "I just feel like a human juicer." "I mean, whatever goes in..." "Right." "I can't believe I'm about to ask you a question that I hate, but why don't you just take a break from work?" "Just stay at home, let that fabulous wife of yours feed you grapes." " That I can't taste." " Exactly." "No." "I wanted to be a doctor all my life." "Oh, so you've always wanted to help people physically while abusing them verbally?" "I'm not known for my bedside manner." "Well, you're known for it, all right." "Truth be told," "I love my job." " I like the research." " Hmm." "I feel like I'm part of the solution." "People live, people die, but I'm right in there." "Now I'm really in there." "I don't want to do this anymore." "Okay." "And I'm not talking about a leave of absence." "I'm quitting... preferably today, unless you need two weeks' notice." "No." "No, that's okay." "We can get a sub for you until we find someone permanent." "Good." "I'll just go grab my things." "Oh, I was wondering if you could maybe gather all my students together in the library so I could say a quick good-bye." "Oh, I'd rather we not interrupt them in the middle of the day." "Oh." "That makes sense." "Well, maybe we could arrange something for tomorrow during homeroom, then?" "Why don't you just go home and figure out your new routine, and we'll circle back on that at another time?" "You don't want me to say good-bye?" "Well, and we'll circle back on that we'll think about it." "Mr. Bailey got a school-wide assembly when he left." "None of his students even liked him, but he... he got to tell the story of his life and play the banjo, for God's sake... for a long time." "Mr. Bailey left because he retired." "We planned for it." "Cathy!" "Cathy." "Cathy." "Cathy." "Good mor...good morning." "Good morning, everyone." "This is Mrs. Jamison, the history teacher, and I just wanted to say good-bye... to my personal students as well as to the entire student body of west hill at large." "Um, today... today is the day that I... that I say good-bye to teaching." "Many of you may know that... that I have cancer, but that's...that's...that's... that's not why I'm leaving." "I think much of what we're required to teach you... is just a bunch of useless information that you will never use again." "But...but that's not why I'm leaving." "Cathy!" "I'm quitting my job today because I recently had a conversation with someone who really loves their job, and I realize I don't love mine." "I never even really wanted to be a high-school teacher." "It's...it's something my dad pushed me into because he thought it was a low bar I could clear, but the truth is it's a high bar, and I am falling short." "And you may never remember the battles I told you about, the facts, the dates, the...the wars, but maybe by my quitting today, you will remember to be your best self." "You find something you love doing." "You do not take the easy route like Mrs. Stanley, who has told me countless times that she only became a teacher to have summers off." "You know, I've always really cared about my students." "I really love you guys." "But..." "I'm going home." "I'm gonna spend more time with the young person whose adorable cheeks I just..." "I want to squeeze every time I see them..." "my son." "And I'm gonna go do things I love." "I'm gonna finish learning how to play The Entertainer on the piano, which I was doing until my dad stopped paying for lessons because he didn't like to hear me practice." "And I'm gonna eat a lot of my favorite pie from Kowalski's..." "'Cause life is too short to have weird food rules." "And I'm gonna finally finish writing an appropriate epitaph for a lovely dog." "So... here I go, to do my thing." "I think my antidepressants just kicked in." "Mm-hmm." "Mom." " Hey." " Hey." "Are you okay?" "I'm really great, Adam." "I mean, I-I hope I didn't embarrass you too badly, but I'm really great." "You'd better watch out." "I'm gonna throw you the coolest sweet 16 party ever." "Jesus, mom, I don't want a party." "Well, I want to throw you one." "I have cancer, and I'm doing it." "Are you serious?" "Did you seriously just play the cancer card?" "Oh, it's been played." "Go." "Get back to class." "Go, go." "I get to quit." "You don't." "* Hold your tongue, the unwilling * * and the safe * * make your mark in your own tiny way * * your own miniature firework display for one *" "* fear of facing the shadow on the shore * * tied in knots and hung up on the back door * * the "boy done good," thoughts of valor * * and the all for one *" "* it's the beetle in the box that shakes in your hands * * and it's formed out of feelings * * that I don't understand * * they're mapped in the gaps * * and the spaces between *" "* The worry of bearing *" " * the ghost... *" " Hello." "* In the machine *" "* I eat your words, and you mark my mistakes * * we set the dictionary up to fail * * the work of poets is a vapor * * we exhale, it's gone *" "* fleeting fondness is a flicker in your frown * * spilling out in adjectives and nouns * * a mess of letters once it's chewed and swallowed down * * all gone *" "You got to be fucking kidding me." "* How do you feel pain?" "*" "Goddamn piece of fucking shit!" ""Made in China" shit!" "Fucking piece!" "* How do you hear sound?" "* * tapping on the walls *" "* I wish I could feel it all *" "* it's the beetle in the box * * that shakes in your hands * * and it's formed out of feelings * * that I don't understand *" "* And the spaces between * * the worry of bearing * * the ghost * * the worry of bearing the ghost *" "Excuse me." "Hi." "So fun." "Could I just...?" "Was I bothering you?" "Paul's just trying to finish his next chapter before he meets with his publisher." "He's having a teeny bit of trouble concentrating." "They moved his meeting ahead a couple days, so it's pretty stressful." " Mm-hmm." " Oh." "I wanted to ask you if you needed help planning Adam's party." "When I was in a sorority, they used to call me the party queen, because not only do I love going to parties, but I love throwing them." "I'm good." "Thanks." "Okay, great." "Well, if you change your mind..." "Look, I tried to get you to quit teaching before you even started teaching." "Remember when I tried to get you to buy that llama farm with me?" "Mm, oh, if I could just turn back time, Sean." "Here, look, why don't we divide up so I don't have to walk 10 miles around here?" "Why...why can't we just make decorations out of garbage?" "No." "You go." "You get the giant cookie and the piñata." "I'll..." "I'll meet you at the party store?" "Giant cookie." "Can I help you find something?" "Yeah, uh... the party store?" "Oh, it's on the seventh floor, two floors up." "Take the west escalator and go across the sky bridge." "Thank you." "I'm sorry." "What...which escalator?" "The west escalator." "West..." "Which floor?" "Seven, two floors up." "Right, sorry." "Chemo brain." "Oh, you're going through chemo?" "Oh, you know, we have a motorized scooter if you need it, and you can take the elevators." "Oh, that's all right." "Thank you." "Oh, that chemo is so tough." "My mother-in-law had breast cancer...it came back twice." "She went through chemo three different times, bless her heart." "The thing about it is that while it's killing the cancer, it's also killing everything else." " It's just so sad." " Yeah, well..." "And then she ended up dying of a heart attack, which they said was most likely caused by the chemo weakening her heart so bad." "Your insides are dying too." "Excuse me?" "Right now, every day." "That's why our hair turns gray, why you need those reading glasses you didn't need when you were younger." "Our...our...our bodies, they shut down a little bit at a time until we all die." "I wonder how you're gonna go." "You know?" "If it's not cancer, which it could be." "I wonder." "What floor again?" "Seven." "Ugh!" "God, I fe..." "I feel like I have dementia." "I always use the same one." " Well, is it your birthday?" " Duh, no." "Well, is it Adam's birthday?" " Is it Adam's middle name?" " No." "What is Adam's middle name?" " Mark." " Well, is it "Adam Mark"?" "No." "You know, passwords are ridiculous anyway." "I mean, they just give you a false sense of security, because believe me, your..." "your personal info is no more secure because you password-protect with the street you grew up on..." "Is it the street we grew up on?" "Okay, Sean, you're making it more difficult for me to concentrate." "What up?" "Your mother forgot her password." "No, I-I-I made the invite for your party." "I want to show it to you, but I-I can't remember the password." "Is it something, uh, quippy, you know, like, "Cancer sucks"?" "Something like that?" "So, I-I invited all the names on the list that you gave me, and you're gonna start here at home with darts and mocktails in the backyard, and then a limo is gonna take you to bowling and pizza," "and then you're gonna end up with midnight ice skating." "Huh?" "Sound cool?" "Yeah, really fun, mom." "Yeah, maybe it's, uh, it's "party" or "Sweet 16"" "or "Sweet Sucksteen."" "Ha." "Adam, I'm surprised you didn't think of that." "Hello." " Good evening." " Oh, Lydia!" "Lydia, hi." "Come on in." "Adam..." " You know Lydia Hye?" " Hi." "Hi, Lydia Hye." "Lydia is the smartest kid at west hill." "She's graduating high school with... wh...uh, what is it?" "An associate's degree from Normandale Community College." "I take online courses from there." "That's how good she is." "I mean, who thinks of that?" "She did." "Lydia did." "You did." "So Lydia is your new tutor." "From now until graduation..." "You are Lydia's bitch." " Sean." " No, it's a compliment to her," " to Lydia, to you." " Thank you." "Mom, I don't need a tutor, okay?" " I'll catch up on my own." " Eh, just...just to be sure." "Fine." "I'll try to make this a painless process." "Okay, so why don't you start with chemistry" " in the living room?" " Stop it." "And, uh, we'll get out of here." "I'll get my book." "I mean, I am gonna figure this out." "I-I know you." "I mean, when I only see a name on a tombstone" " in a cemetery, I'm curious." " About what?" "Well, I just..." "I want more... you know, like who the person was... you know, how they died, something funny they might've done." "I mean, what they would want someone like me, a passerby, to know." "Like the meaning of their life?" "Uh..." "Maybe." "I just... just why have a marker at all?" "I mean, what's the point?" "Well, I can see you're wrestling with some pretty big questions." "Okay." "Honestly, if you're just gonna quote back to me some generic observational phrases," "I'm gonna get real bored real fast." "All right." "Okay, then how about this..." "The dog's been dead a week and a half, and in my personal, not professional, opinion, the dog doesn't give a rat's ass what's on its tombstone." "Just pick anything..." "a Beatles lyric... and stick it in the ground and get over it." "Hey, mom." "Uh, do you need me to drive you anywhere?" "Oh, you got it!" "He got, like, almost a perfect score." "That is great!" "Good for you!" "You see the limo?" "Yeah." "Um, why is there a bouncy castle in the front yard?" "Do you love it?" "Do you hate it?" "Can you live with it?" "What's...what's it for?" "For the party." "For...for just when your friends first get here." "I mean, it's the same one we used to get when you were a kid." "You always loved a bouncy..." "I could just..." "I could just picture you and your friends just bouncing around in there, just for fun." "You want to take a jump alone before everybody shows up?" "I mean, maybe a..." "a new-license victory jump?" "Mom, look, I don't want to offend you, but..." " Not really?" " Not really." "Exactly." "No offense, though." "Love you." " Happy Birthday, buddy." " Thanks, dad." " I'm so proud of you." " Love you." "Have a safe flight." " Good luck with your publisher." " Thank you." "So your ticket is on top." "They have somebody waiting for you at the airport." "Your book's in here, and they already have a copy on their end." " What would I do without you?" " Hey, Paul?" "I'll give you a buck if you bounce in the bouncy before you leave." "Oh, no time, honey." "But you know what?" "I'm really glad you're not working so that you can rest, okay?" "Or party first, then rest later." " Bye!" " Bye." "Well, I'm gonna go straighten things up in Paul's office, and then I'm gonna head out too." " Did you notice the bouncy?" " Yeah." "I fell out of one of those when I was a kid and broke my collarbone." "They scare me." "You know, I wanted to ask you something." "Yes?" "Well, that food that I bring here for my lunch and snacks and things..." "Yes." "Well, I have a gluten intolerance, so I have to be really careful about what I eat." "Sounds very challenging." "Did you eat my food?" "I did." "I didn't want to." "I wanted to eat my...my favorite cherry pie from Kowalski's, but since my taste buds don't work, it just felt like glue with lumps in it." "And then I saw your pasta with the little crunchy things in it, and I-I wanted to see what it would feel like in my mouth, and so I..." "I wouldn't say I ate your food, so much as I ate your texture." "But, yes, I did eat it." "Well, refined sugars are bad for you anyway." "You know, convincing yourself you have a gluten intolerance because your life is too perfect otherwise is worse." "Whoo-hoo!" "Well, isn't that something?" "Ah!" "This is fun!" "I-I-I love this big waste of plastic!" "Oh, thank you, God!" "Someone likes my bouncy!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Help me up." "Wait, wait, are you sure?" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "Just..." "just don't make it too rough." "All right." "You ready?" "Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce." "Good, huh?" "There you go, you got it." "Whoa!" "Whoo!" "Ah!" "Whoo!" "* Hold on, before she breaks your heart * * hold on, let's get back to the start * * hold on, I'll tell you the truth * * you need me, baby * * just like I need you *" "* hold on, before she breaks your heart *" "Oh!" "Ah!" " Oh..." " What?" "What...what's wrong?" "Ah, it appears..." "I've lost control of my bowels." "Stop." "You sh...you shithead!" "Oh, I'm the shitty one?" " Look, mom, I'll..." "I'll help." " No, Adam." " Stay right there." " I got it!" "I got it!" "I got this." " Ah..." " I got it." "I got it." "Come on, let us ladies have our private time." "Come on." "Oh, God." "Cathy, I'm..." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, Cath." "I just..." "I keep seeing Adam's face, just so horrified." "Oh, he's fine." "He was just worried about you." "And now I'm crying." "I can't keep anything in." " Then let it out." " You know..." "Sean has been great, but there are times I just..." "I just want to punch him in his laugh hole." "Thank God you showed up." "Oh, I just remembered a few more things I left here... a couple books and a pair of shoes." "I'm..." "I didn't mean to be mean to you the other day." "Mm, tell me about college life." "Is it amazing?" "Can I just be honest with you?" "Oh, Andrea." "We..." "We are embarrassingly close at this point." "I'm just not feeling it yet." "I hate living in the dorms, and..." "My roommate smokes in our room." "I'm pretty sure she's a sex addict, and she accused me of stealing." "Are you kidding me?" "So you were just lying when you said how great it was?" "I just didn't want you to feel sorry for me." "Do you want to move back here?" "I mean, it's...it's not a long commute, but it... it would involve being around a disgusting sick person and a lot of drugs." "Are you serious?" "The dorms are filled with disgusting sick people and a lot of drugs." "But I don't want that slut bitch roommate of mine to think that she ran me out." "You could steal something on the way out." "Thank you." "Thank you." " Hey." " Aah!" " How are you feeling?" " Top of the world." "You ready?" "Your friends are going to start showing up soon." "I canceled the party." "You did?" "Just now?" "Did you call everyone?" "No, I only had to send, like, one text." "Look, mom, I'm fine, okay?" "I'm not mad or anything." "I just..." "I wouldn't feel right celebrating with you being sick." "It's fine." "Me being sick is just kind of how it is, 'cause not only am I sick, but what's making me less sick is making me more sick." "So let's just face it... we're caught up in a sick riddle of sorts." "Okay, well, maybe you don't need to worry about me as much." "Mom, I'm fine." "I can see where that would be kind of a pain, but... it's all I want to do right now." "I love celebrating you." "I love...no." "I love watching your face when you smile... when you get surprised." "Will you go with me somewhere?" "Hmm?" "Not the bouncy." "This is for when you turn 25." "Skittles?" "I figured your favorite candy would still be the same." "At least I wanted you to remember that I knew what it was once." "And besides, I figured they'd..." "they'd still be fresh since they're not really food." "But they're good." " Oh, sweet." " Mm-hmm." "Every man needs a nice wallet." "Well, no I have one." "Thank you." "Oh, my God, I love $2 bills." " Yeah, I know." " Yes." " Oh." " Thank you." "Now, this is for when you turn 28." ""The Amazing Book of Amazing Birds"?" "I thought as you approached 30, you might get into bird-watching." "Yeah." "Yeah, maybe, maybe." "Because you always point them out when we're outside." "I mean, up so high, I would never notice, but... you always look up." "I always look where my feet are heading, but you always look up." "Thank you." ""Happy 18th birthday." "Hope these are legal by the time you open them"?" "Yes!" " Uh-huh." " Oh." " Yeah." " Fireworks?" "That's awesome." "Unfortunately, they're still not legal." "So cool." "Beautiful." "This is the best your birthday I've ever had." "Me too." "Really?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I got my license." "Har har har." "Always keep your sense of humor." "Ah..." "I hope I can keep feeling as good as I'm feeling right now." "Maybe you will." "I quit my job, and I had such visions of just living my life, of spending more time with you." "But I-I feel so bad and so tired all the time that..." "I actually got annoyed when I heard you come home from school." "And I feel so guilty about that." "And then I-I was so excited to just... to just throw you this great party, but then I literally..." "I shat all over it." "You know the chemo, um... it's not a cure." "Maybe, though, right?" "No." "No." "Definitely not." "It's...it's just giving me more time." "We don't even know how much." "I was hoping to make it to your graduation, but I don't want to be there feeling the way that I've been feeling." "I don't want to be a shitting, exhausted, forgetting version of myself and know that I chose that." "I just..." "I just want to... feel like me for as long as I can." "So..." "I think I need to quit chemo." "Would that be all right with you?" "Thank you." "I could still make it to your graduation, you know?" "You know, we're still hoping for a new clinical trial." "And Dr. Sherman could call me tomorrow and say they found a cure." "* My little sparrow * * there is hope for you *" " Last one." " * Your life has just begun *" "* I could not do * * what I wanted to * * but I fear my time * * is almost done * * wayward weeping voices * * that you will hear *" "Ah, that is awesome." "* Each with their own story to tell *" "Yes!" "* You have the choice *" " * to bend your ear *" " Always looking up." "* And treat your fellow humans well * * oh * * so good-bye * * my little sparrow * * it's time that I must go *" " * Mm *" " What do you think?" "Can't argue with that." "* Straight and narrow * * there's something you must know * * listen to me now * * you will overcome *" "* I promise you * * and be whatever it is * * that you want to be * * oh, there is hope for you * * oh, there's hope for you * * but it's much too late *" "* for me *"