"I still can't believe Stan's gone And I must say, it was a beautiful funeral" "It was, and it really got me thinking" "We were the best looking ones there" "I know." "I mean, we were, like the reason it was beautiful" "So, how about Stan leaving us all that money?" "Twenty thousand dollars!" "Yeah." "To plan our wedding" "I still have no idea why he thought we were a couple" "Is that your third glass of wine?" "Are you counting?" "Well, Ro-Ro..." "It may not be the happiest of occasions but...we're home again" "Now you can put your velvet paintings and fajita pans back in the hole under the stairs" "Excuse me." "I'm gonna make you a peanut butter and poison sandwich" "Man, Karen knows a lot of celebrities" "I just walked in on Deborah Harry in the bathroom" "She's very comfortable with herself" "She didn't jump off the toilet yelling" ""Someone's in here!" She just kept on peeing" "I was in the bedroom and I saw Al Sharpton and Joe Torre hocking loogies out the window" "Sweetie, I am so excited about going to Guatemala with you" "I'm a doctor without borders" "Technically, you're not a doctor" "Hey, I got a "B" in high school biology Down there, I'm a doctor" "Karen, I am so sorry for your loss" "Thank you for saying that, Debbie Harry" "You know, Stan always loved your music" "He used to chase me around the bedroom saying" ""I'm gonna getcha, getcha getcha, getcha."" "What happened between us?" "How come you never come around anymore?" "Oh, you ran out of weed" "Excuse me, I hate to bother you but in college I was so into you" "I used to love that one song Gonna use my arms, gonna use my legs" "That wasn't me That was The Pretenders" "Oh,Are they here?" "Well, well, I've never seen trash take itself out" "Stuff it, you bitter witch" "Just getting the rest of my things before they start to reek of booze and anti-growth hormone" "Well, then, you won't mind if I take a look in that suitcase" "Up yours!" "I may be a gold digger a stripper and a whore nine arrests no convictions" "But I am no thief" "I admire your principles" "Almost as much as I admire my diamond ring in your hand." "Give it up" "And?" "And" "And" "Wow, impressive" "Had we met years ago and under different circumstances this might have been hello instead of good-bye" "I'll be leaving now But I won't be leaving quickly." "And why?" "Because I have a diamond tiara up my bum" "Okay, so just break down the trip for me in terms of wardrobe" "How many dresses, how many skirt suits" "Well, let's see." "We've got the Earthquake Restoration Ball the Vaccination Cotillion and of course the opening night Refugee Fun Run" "So..." "Two dresses and a romper" "Grace, you do know that this trip's gonna be kind of rough" "Marriott rough or Holiday Inn rough?" "I don't care I just want to be with you" "I'd sleep on the floor and share a bathroom to be with you" "Sweetie, where we're going the floor is the bathroom" "You know what, Jack?" "Stan wanted us to spend that money together" "So what do you say we just blow it all on some great vacation?" "You know, like London." "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "There's these Sherlock Holmes tours where you retrace his footstep as he solves one of his crimes I've been dying to do that" "Is it the Case of the Boring Fag?" "'Cause I think I just solved it" "Well, swell party My stepson's no longer a virgin" "Thanks, Debbie Harry!" "It was a lovely reception, Karen I was especially moved by the Taco Bell fly-over" "Well, thank you, Lars You know, you kids can go if you want to" "I've got a lot to do before the yacht leaves for St. Barts in the morning" "Why are you going to St. Barts?" "Oh, oh, visiting "friends"?" "No, Stan wanted his ashes scattered in the Caribbean off the back of his yacht" "It's going to feel very empty there without him" "Of course, any place would feel empty without Stan" "He took up a lot of room" "The Caribbean Do you want some company?" "Will, we are supposed to be planning a fabulous vacation" "How are we going to do that if we're stuck on a fully staffed 100-foot luxury yacht headed for the Caribbean?" "Jack, it's a free ride to a French island" "We take the money Stan left us we convert our dollars into francs and then our francs into Steves" "Somebody got in the brain line twice" "And somebody never got in it at all" "Karen." "We, uh, we could join you" "Oh, I'd love it if you girls would come with me" "Hey, did you know there's a jacuzzi onboard?" "A jacuzzi?" "!" "I love bubbles!" "Wow, fun!" "There gonna be some spa-like things where we're going?" "Well, the whole country's pretty much like a steam room" "Oh, and Chef will be there with his famous morning cr?" "e station" "Cr?" "es!" "I love folded foods!" "Yu-um!" "We'll have nice meals, right?" "Depends if the food drop came that week" "And the shopping." "All of the stores on St. Barts are duty-free" "Yay!" "Duty free!" "Lotta doody" "Gracie, honey why don't you come with?" "I can't I have to help people" "You go have fun in your jacuzzi and your cr?" "es, and your shopping" "I'll be fine... sleeping in my own filth and waiting for food to drop down from the sky" "Hey, sweetie." "Come on why don't you go?" "What?" "Really?" "Yeah, I mean" " I love you but let's face it" "The thought of you doing something selfless is a joke" "I love that you get me" "Hey, guys we're going on a cruise!" "Dr." "Markus?" "Yes?" "Uh, there's a Dr. Morty here to see you" "Great." "Tell Dani to come in" "Oh, suddenly, I work for you too" "Karen, I'm really sorry to do this here but this trip came about so fast they had to get my paperwork started so Dani offered to come and bring it by for me" "Oh, good!" "I finally get to meet the famous Dr. Morty" "Leo's going to Guatemala with him" "Her" "Huh?" "Hi, I'm so sorry to intrude Leo, your papers" "Thank you." "Dani, this is Will and Jack, Karen, Rosario" "Hi/Hi Nice to meet you" "Helloo?" "This is my wife, Grace" "Oh, Leo never mentioned he was married" "Oh, I'm just kidding I'm just kidding" "He talks about you all the time!" "All the women at the hospital they hate you" "And one of the male nurses" "Yeah, he mentioned you too" "Although when he said "Dr. Morty,"" "I pictured an old blotchy Jew who kept saying, "You call this dinner?"" "You've met my father" "I better get going It was great meeting you" "Hey, I'll walk you out" "Bye/ Bye, now Take care/Bye" "She seems nice" "You must be dying!" "Aren't you dying?" "!" "Your husband is going to Guatemala with that!" "I would die!" "I know!" "That bod!" "She could be in a Whitesnake video!" "Just!" "die!" "That is some lucky flesh-eating virus that gets her" "What is she a doctor of?" "Foxology?" "Die!" "Die!" "Die!" "Okay!" "I get it!" "She's gorgeous and she saves lives, big whoop" "I look good sometimes" "And I let people cut in front of me in line at the supermarket" "Well, I haven't but I've thought of it" "Come on, Gracie You have nothing to worry about" "I know that!" "I'm very secure in my relationship" "I love my husband and I know that he loves me" "I would die!" "I'm glad you all could be here I spent a lot of time with Stanley on this boat" "Not with him, I'd be with the crew on the opposite side to keep us from tipping" "Closure is important" "Like, you know..." "I didn't watch "Dawson's Creek" this season" "And now, all of a sudden it's gone." "And, uh..." "I never got a chance to say good-bye" "It was a lot easier for me" "I had like, eight of my "Creek" buddies over We cried, we shared, we baked" "It was healing And now looking back on it, embarrassing" "Here are the ashes" "Wow!" "Is that all Stan?" "No, there's another can in the limo" "They put him in a popcorn can?" "Isn't that a little... unseemly?" "No more so than the cremation" "It took four days and used so much power that all of Bergen County lost their air conditioning" "Mrs. Walker?" "We're just about ready to shove off" "Thanks, Driver" "That's the captain?" "!" "That's your limo driver!" "Yeah, drive a boat, drive a car drive a plane" "As long as I'm drunk what's the difference?" "Well, I should probably get going" "Our plane takes off in a couple of hours" " "Our" plane?" " Yeah, me and Dani" "You're flying together?" "Yeah, we're going to the same place." "Why?" "No, nothing It's just that you never mentioned it" "It's an interesting omission on your part" "The way you omitted that it's interesting to me" "Are you okay?" "I'm good." "I'm good It'll be fun... flying together" "And lucky for you, if you have to make a water landing she has those huge flotation devices attached to her chest" "Tell me, do they light up?" "Hmm, it's cute when boring people fight" "But come on let's say we get out of here" "I'll show you around" "We'll start on the port side and work our way around to the whiskey side" "She really was hot though, wasn't she?" "I would die!" "Grace, you're being silly Danielle's a friend" "I've known her for years Besides, she's not even my type" "Please, she's everyone's type I'd do her" "All right, l-l-let me just picture that for a minute" "Oh..." "Oh, wow..." "Stop Would you take this seriously?" "No!" "Because nothing's gonna happen" "Look, when we got married I took a vow for better, for worse" "There were some other things in there I wasn't quite following because I could see your thong through your dress." "I love you" "You're right." "You're right I'm crazy" "Go." "Save the world heal the sick and just don't forget to get me a present" "And a real present this time" "Not one of those native crafts like you brought me from Africa" "I want something that comes from a real store with a real receipt" "How 'bout I just give you some cash when I get home?" "That'll work too" "Bye" "You know what I realize being here in this beautiful place with the sun shining down on us?" "How lucky we are?" "No how oddly distributed your body hair is" "It's all patchy here but your legs are like an ape" "It's as if all the hair is fleeing from the top and settling somewhere near the bottom" "I wouldn't talk." "Look at you" "Your arms and legs are all spindly but your belly's bloated and pasty" "It's like you walked out of the spaceship at the end of Close Encounters" "Put some lotion on me, doll" "Sure, babe" "What?" "I see what you're up to You planned this whole thing" "What are you talking about?" "This!" "The boat, the sun, the lotion" "Getting me to take my blouse off" "It was all a clever ruse on your part to get with me" "Well, you caught me, Jack It was all part of my master plan" "First, I arranged to have Stan die so I could have him cremated and thrown from this boat where I persuaded the sun to shine so I could lure you on deck and rub lotion on your creamy" "12-year-old-girl shoulders" "Hey, lovers, I hate to interrupt the honeymoon but we're just about to scatter Stan's ashes" "And, Will, there are three things I want to tell you" "One--I really appreciate your being here" "What are the other two?" "Oh, when you sit like that I can see your man berries" "What are you wearing?" "Why aren't you dressed?" "What?" "We're on a boat" "We're scattering the ashes of a dead man and you're dressed for Salma Hayek's pool party" "I don't think Karen really cares what I'm wearing" "It's the fact that I'm here that counts" "Well, if everybody's ready we should get started" "I wouldn't want Grace to be late to the MTV beach house" "I didn't know!" "How did everyone else know?" "Because we know how to act in these situations" "And because Will dressed me" "Thank you all for being here today This was one of Stan's favorite spots" "He spent many an afternoon doing cannonballs off of the side of this boat" "He destroyed an entire ecosystem and created that small chain of islands" "Oh, Stanley..." "I'd give anything to be with you again" "One more dance, one more kiss" "One more night in our box at the opera giggling at the frightened faces of the people sitting below us" "But I guess that's never going to happen...again" "Listen, guys I'm sorry" "I think I need to do this by myself Would that be okay?" "Sure, Kare." "We'll go open a bottle of champagne and drink a toast to Stan's memory" "Grace, maybe you want to slip into a coconut bikini" "Yeah, speaking of coconuts how 'bout a longer bathing suit?" "I've been going like this all morning" "You can go too, Ro-Ro" "I'll be inside if you need me" "I don't know what I'm gonna do without ya, Stanley" "I don't know what I'm gonna do without him, either" "Wh--?" "How the hell did you get here Dame Judi Wench?" "I made a deal with your driver" "He promised to let me stowaway in his cabin if I'd let him stowaway in my capri pants" "Good Lord." "How many men are we going to share?" "Get the hell outta here!" "Look, I just came here to say one last good-bye to Stanley" "And to give him this" "Oh, my God." "It's, it's Stanley's favorite toupee" "I knew he couldn't rest in peace without his piece" "His mother gave him this for his sweet 16" "Thank you." "I know that he would have wanted to have this" "Perhaps in the next world they can convince him to wash it" "Oh, God, I'm gonna miss him" "Me too" "Would you like to" "No, that's okay You do it" "You get some air under that thing it really moves" "I love this CD!" "I know!" "Debbie Harry gave it to me at Stan's funeral" "Well, I took it out of her purse after she passed out" "Ah, the sea life." "Isn't it romantic?" "I wish we both had dates" "Or if only one of us could have a date I wish it was me" "What's the matter Grace?" "You okay?" "I was just thinking about what a shmuck I was" "Leo's not gonna cheat on me" "I mean, look at me I'm a freakin' bombshell" "Yes, I believe it was Rita Hayworth who said" ""a woman is only as beautiful as the amount of food she keeps in her teeth."" "I am a bombshell" "I'm gonna go visit the poop deck if you know what I mean" "This place is dead What should we do?" "I believe there's a new gay bar that just opened up right over there" "Let's go" "I like holding your hand It's almost as soft as Stanley's" "He would've liked to see us holding hands" "And making love And taking a shower" "He did like his lesbos" "You know, for a scheming, husband-stealing skanky whore, you're good people" "Listen, I know you've kind of fallen on hard times since Stanley left you nothing in his will" "Is there anything I can do for ya?" "Well, you can start by giving me some of that bloody money" "Good one!" "I'm not kidding" "Huh?" " What?" "Forget it!" " Why not?" "Well for starters, I don't know how you'd even begin to divvy up something like $985 million dollars" "Listen, you drunken sea hag" "I spent the better part of a year with that man" "Tell him what his feet look like Tell him what his knees look like" "I deserve something" "You deserve something." "Hmm" "Well, how about I let you keep screwing my driver?" "Oh, and do me a favor, don't kill him We need to get home" "You know, Will, the ocean really suits you" "You're glowing, you look rugged" "You've really got your sea legs" "No, I am mistaken" "Those are almost "B" legs" "Well, thank you, Jack I like you on vacation" "You know, you put the "naughty" back in "nautical."" "You're nautical by nature" "Ooh, oh!" "I love this song!" "Crocodile rocking is something shocking when your feet just can't keep still" "I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will" "Oh, lawdy mama those friday nights when Suzie wore her dresses tight" "And the crocodile rocking was out of sight" "Miss Karen!" "Mornin', Driver You're looking happy this morning" "Well, let's just say I had a good night last night" "Oh, that's loud" "Ma'am, I think your husband left his bag" "Oh, this is Leo's Thank you, Driver" "Shoot." "Hope there's nothing in here that he needs" ""To Leo"?" "This looks private" "Leo, we're going to be spending a lot of time together in the next few weeks and I have to say something in this letter I could never say to you in person" "I want you" "Oh...my..." "God" "You have to know that you can have me whenever, wherever" "And when that time comes know that I am going to" "Until you beg me to stop I can't wait." "Love, Danielle that bitch" "Driver, hang a right!" "We're going to guatemala!" "Jack?" "God, my head is killing me" "Oh, me too" "What is he saying?" "What does he want?" "You're foreign, Rosie, talk to him!" "I don't speak his language, you fool" "How are you?" "What did he say?" "He said, "How are you."" "Oh." "Well, tell him we're fine but we want to get off this floating cesspool A.S.A.P.!" "I am afraid it is impossible" "We don't get paid unless we deliver our cargo" "I don't care!" "Turn this canoe around and get us to dry land!" "No!" "We must deliver all 300,000 cases of Stolichnaya" "As I was saying take as much time as you want!" "Rosie, swim back to the boat and get us some olives and a twist" "Just because we're stranded we don't have to drink like bums"