"I'm going to get a physical examination." "That urine sample." "Giving them that, that's always a pleasure, isn't it?" "Then there's always the amount question:" ""I don't know what you need." "I gave you whatever I had there." "I got more." "Whatever you need, I can get it for you." "Just let me know what you need." "It's no problem, I mean..."" "But any kind of physical test, I don't know what it is I always click into this thing where I wanna do really well." "If it's gonna be a physical test, I wanna do well." "Remember in school, they'd do hearing tests?" "And you'd really be listening, you know trying to really..." "Trying to do well, I wanna do well." "I wanted to do unbelievable on that test." "I wanted them to come to me after the test and go:" ""We think you may have something close to super hearing." "What you heard was a cotton ball touching a piece of felt." "We're sending the results to Washington." "We'd like you to meet the president."" "Let me ask you a question." "If you named a kid Rasputin do you think that would have a negative effect on his life?" "No." "What are you doing?" "We're going out to dinner." "Do you realize this is the last meal I'm gonna have for three days?" " Yeah." " George." "Come on up." "I never heard of this." "You gotta fast for three days to take an ulcer test." " How will you do that?" " I don't know." "How could I possibly have ulcers?" "Who could have given me ulcers?" "I think I'll take out the garbage." "Have you ever fasted?" "Well, once I didn't have dinner till, like, 9:00." "I'll tell you, that was pretty rough." "Hey." "Do me a favour, will you?" "Throw out my garbage for me." "Yeah." "Right." "Come on." "It's just down the hall." "Give me 2 bucks." "I'll do it for 2 bucks." "I'll give you 50 cents." "There's no way I'd touch that bag for less than $2." "Come on, 50 cents." "You can get yourself a Drake's Coffee Cake." "You're not getting no Drake's Coffee Cake for 50 cents." "I'm all set." "I got the ticket." "I'm going to the Cayman Islands Friday." "I don't get you." "Who goes on vacation without a job?" "What do you need, a break from getting up at 11?" "It's a deal." "I don't know why you don't come with me." "I don't go for nonrefundable deals." "I can't commit to a woman, I'm not committing to an airline." " Hi." " Hi." "How are you?" "Gina, do you know Drake's Coffee Cake?" "The plain cake with the sweet brown crumbs on the top." " Right." "How much do they cost?" " The junior?" " No, the full-size." " No, junior." " You didn't say "junior."" " I haven't had one since I was little." "Really?" "You should be ashamed of yourself." "I want you out of here." " How you doing?" " Good enough." " Boy, she's sexy, isn't she?" " Yeah." " Do you believe that guy?" " What guy?" " My neighbour." " That creepy guy?" " Did he think I was flirting with her?" " He didn't seem too pleased." "Maybe I'll get a steak with French-fried onion rings." "Hey, you know what?" "I just remembered something." "I had a dream about that guy last night." "This is amazing." " Amazing?" "You've seen him before." " I haven't seen him in months." "What was the dream?" "He was doing standup comedy in Kennebunkport, Maine in this really ominous nightclub." "The stage was on a cliff and the audience was throwing all the comics off." "I think I've played there." "I've had a lot of paranormal stuff happen to me." "You're a little paranormal." "Name one paranormal thing that happened to you." " I knew I was gonna be bald." " Your father's bald." "Baldness is inherited from the mother's side, Jerry." "But your mother's bald too." "George, you know, my friend goes to a psychic." " Really?" " We should go sometime." "I'd love to go." "Make an appointment." "Psychics, vacations." "How about getting a job?" " I just got fired." " All right." "Let's get out of here." "I wonder what Gandhi ate before his fast." "I heard he used to polish off a box of Triscuits." " Really?" " Oh, yeah." "Gandhi loved Triscuits." "Who is it?" " Who is it?" " It's Gina!" " Who?" " Martin's girlfriend." " Martin?" " Your next-door neighbour." "Oh, Martin!" "It's Martin." "I think he's dying." "He tried to kill himself with pills." " What?" " Come on." " Let me get my robe." " We do not have time." " Two seconds." " There's no time." " We don't have two seconds?" " All right, go ahead." " No, forget it." " No, go ahead." " No, I'll just wear the pyjamas." " Just get it!" " Are you sure?" " Forget it." "Come on." "No, I'll go get the robe." "It's not too bad." "It's not like a Sunny von Bülow coma." "Doctor said he should snap out of it any time." "You know why he did this?" "Because I told him it was over." " I did not want to see him anymore." " Really?" "It's over?" "I could not stand it another minute." "Yesterday, he turned over a hot dog stand because he thought the man looked at me." "Then, after he saw you in the hall..." "He was crazy with jealousy." "Oh, boy." "Did he say anything about me?" "He does not like you." "And all indications are he does not like Drake's Coffee Cake." " He said that?" " He was screaming about it all night." "How it's too sweet and it falls apart when you eat it." "I'm sorry if I caused any trouble." "I was just being friendly." "I wasn't." "You weren't?" "No." "I have thought about you many times." " Have you thought about me?" " Of course." "Tell me everything." "Are you sure he can't hear anything?" "Martin." "Martin!" "I wish he was not in a coma." "I wish he was dead." "I would like to pull the plug out from him!" "I would wait on that one." "I know how you feel, but juries today you never know how they're gonna look at this." "I saw you looking at your watch." "You want to leave?" "Go ahead." " I wanted to see what time it was." " Are you afraid of him?" " No." " Then kiss me." " Here?" " Yes, right here." "Is this the proper venue?" " You don't want to?" " No, no, I want to." "I very much want to." "I desire to." "I pine to." "Then kiss me right in front of him." "I can't!" "What if he wakes up?" "A man is lying here unconscious and you're afraid of him?" "What kind of a man are you?" "I'm a man who respects a good coma." "If it was one of those in-and-out comas, maybe." "But when a guy's got a coma going like this you don't wanna mess with it." " Hey." " Hey." " Did you hear about Martin?" " Yeah, I heard." "I can't believe he's in a coma." "He's got my vacuum cleaner." "I loaned it to him, he never returned it." "The carpets are filthy." " What am I gonna do?" " Who told you about Martin?" "Newman." "He's good friends with him." "Bigmouth Newman." "I should have guessed." "He's got all my attachments, you know." "Let me ask you something." "How long do you have to wait for a guy to come out of a coma before you ask his ex-girlfriend out?" "Oh, Gina?" "Why wait?" "Why not just call Dr. Kevorkian." "I don't get that whole suicide machine." "There's no tall buildings where these people live?" "They can't wrap their lips around a revolver like a normal person?" "What's going on between you and Gina?" "Well, I went with her to the hospital last night." "So we're in the room and she's trying to get me to kiss her in front of him." "That's the great thing about Mediterranean women." "All right." "So, what did you do?" " Nothing." " What kind of a man are you?" "The guy is unconscious, in a coma and you don't have the guts to"