"THE REFUGE" "I'm downstairs." "Can I come up?" "What's the code?" "What floor?" "Be right there." "Anybody home?" "Louis?" "Where are you?" " Hi, Max." " Quick, wasn't I?" "Yeah." "You're a lifesaver." "Louis." " Is she okay?" " Yeah." "Especially now." "She'll be much better." " How much?" " 6 grams. 400 euros." "Cool." " Later." " Yeah." " Call me when you need me." " Okay." "Bye." "Bye." "Try my ankle." "Here." "Had it long?" "It's been in the family for years." "The flat's in good condition." "The kitchen needs a little paint." " How big is it?" " 270 square meters." "Excuse me, my son must be here." "Louis?" "Louis?" "My God." "Madame?" "Where are you?" "Louis!" "Louis." " I found my son on the floor." " I'm sorry." " You can come with us, Madam." " Thank you." "Help!" "Let me go!" "Here, calm down." "There." "Miss?" "Miss?" "Hello." "I'm your doctor." "How do you feel?" "Ok." "You were brought to emergency two days ago." "You were in a coma over six hours." "You overdosed on heroin." "You had a close brush with death." "Can you tell me when you had your last period?" "Don't remember." "We did a blood test." "You're pregnant." "Did you know?" " No." " Approximately eight weeks." "It's your decision whether to keep the baby or not." "We'll help you, whatever you decide." "If you keep it, we'll put you on replacement therapy." "As soon as possible." "Where's Louis?" "The young man who was with you?" "Yes." "He was found inanimate." "He died." "I'd like to leave, please." "You'll leave soon." "Don't worry." "We'll take care of you." "Everything will be alright." "If men persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake, rejoice and be glad, for great is your reward in Heaven." "Let us praise the Word of Christ." "Praise to our Lord Jesus." "Now I'd like to ask Paul to come read an homage to his brother Louis." "What remain, Louis, Is all you gave us" "We won't keep it locked away In a rusty box" "What remains From your secret garden" "Is a forgotten flower That has not faded" "What remains, Louis, Is a fallen tear" "A smile in our hearts At the thought of you" "What remain Is what you sowed" "The seeds you planted Will bloom and grow" "What you sowed, my brother, Will be reaped in others" "He who dies Will one day rise" " What's taking so long?" " Just a sec!" "She tried to hide it." "I only learned from the autopsy that he was on drugs." "His mother did her best to keep us apart." "She lied to me." "Always trying to mask any problems." "I'm angry with myself." " I should have been there for him." " Don't say that." "Think of Paul now." "It's not the same." "When I see him," "I think of Louis." "Why did it have to be him?" "It's not fair." "There you are." "Yeah?" "My mother wants to speak with you." " Hello, Mousse." " Hello." "Please have a seat." "As you can see, we're devastated by Louis' tragic death." "Though we'd been somewhat estranged since you began seeing him..." "Louis... remained my son" "to the end." "I wanted to give you an update on the police investigation." "They found the delivery person, your "dealer"." "He was a friend of yours, correct?" "No, Max was Louis' friend." "Anyway..." "He's in prison and won't hurt anyone else for a long time." "Tests on the heroin he sold you revealed, it was cut with valium." "Which may have caused Louis' death." "So why didn't I die too?" "Good question." "The police probably have more questions for you." "I told them everything." "I hope so, for your sake." "When we went to the hospital after the autopsy, we were told." "What?" "You're pregnant, right?" "Yes." "By Louis?" "Yes, by Louis." "Are you sure?" "It could only be Louis." "You won't be keeping it, will you?" " I don't know yet." " I think it would be unwise." "It's too risky for a child to have a drug-addicted mother." "And as a family, we'd rather Louis have no descendant." "Now that he's no longer with us." "I understand." "Perfect." "You can see our physician." "He'll attend to the matter rapidly." "Ok." "Mousse?" "Would you like something from Louis' room?" "No, I don't want anything." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." " Here's your luggage." "Have a nice stay." " Thank you." " Hello." " Hello." "Go ahead." "Come on in." "Will you be staying long?" "A few days." "Your mother sent you?" "No." "She doesn't even know." "So why are you here?" "I'm on way to Spain, I thought it'd be nice to see you." "You kept it?" "That's good." " I'll show you your room." " Ok." "This is it." "Perfect." " I'll let you settle in." " Ok." " I'm eating in an hour." " Want me to help you?" " No, but don't expect anything fancy." " Ok." "Is this house in your family?" "You could say that." "Meaning?" "The owner is a guy I slept with when I was 16." "He thinks he's my dad." "I see." "Does he know you're pregnant?" "No." "He can't see a thing, he's blind." "What?" "Think I'm fat?" "No, it's just the way you said it." "Did he know Louis?" "I don't care for interrogations." "You can stay," "I'm cool with that, just cut the questions." "Ok?" "Sorry, I didn't want..." "Stop being sorry, we're adults here." "No way!" "Fuck this." "Could you stop?" " Hello." " Good morning." "I slept like a log." "It's so peaceful here." "I didn't bring anything out for you." "I'll go get it." "I made tea." "I'm more into coffee." "Got a machine?" " Near the fridge." " Great." "A swim sounds good." "Is the beach far?" "No, down the road to the right of the house." "Like to join me?" "No, it's too hot." "You never go?" "Sometimes in late afternoon, when it's quieter." "I don't like the sun." "I'm a real sun worshipper." "Like your brother." "We get it from Dad." "He grew up in North Africa." "Really?" " Didn't Louis tell you?" " No." "He never spoke of his family." "I'm not surprised." "I'm gonna put on my trunks and go." "Hello." "Hello." "Hi, how's it going?" "Hi Serge, I'm good." " I got everything you asked for." " Thanks." "Like some coffee?" " Sure, why not?" " I'll get a bowl." "Take a seat." " Need some help?" " No, I'm good." " Tell me if it's cold." " It'll be fine, don't worry." "Thanks." " I saw your husband." " My husband?" "The guy on his way to the beach." "He could hardly be my husband." "Damn, I put my foot in it?" "No, I just don't think he's into women." "I thought he might be the father..." "He might've, but he's not." " What do I owe you?" " 27 euros." "Keep the change." "Thanks." " Call me if you need me." " Of course." "Bye." "Was it busy?" "A few families, but the beach is huge." "Looks good, you made something." "I have to eat." "The guy who runs my errands thought you were my husband." " Did he know Louis?" " No." "Anyway you don't look like him." "That's only normal." "Why?" "Because we were different." "I wonder if I really loved him." "All I can remember is him yelling, screaming insults." "I don't know if his suffering was real." "If he had good reasons to be so angry, but I never forgave him for making Mom cry." "Funny, at the funeral my father was inconsolable." "But she didn't cry." "I felt like maybe she'd won the war." "Gotten her revenge." "He'd never make her cry again." "Will you walk me to the beach later?" "Of course." " Finished?" " Yeah." "The water is perfect." " You're not too hot?" " No." " The waves are high." " It feels good, wakes you up." "Miss?" "Sorry to bother you." "I've been admiring you." "You look so beautiful." "Thanks." "Pregnant women rarely come to the beach." "You radiate happiness." " Really?" " Oh, yes." "It's strange when our bodies change and it starts moving inside us." "Kind of scary, huh?" "At first, but now I'm fine." "That's good." "Don't be afraid." "Women who are fearful have children who struggle in life." " You think?" " Oh, yes." "The pregnancy is critical." " Do you talk to him?" " Not really, no." "May I feel your belly?" "I guess so." "You must talk to him." "Tell him every day you love him." "That you want him." "Let him know childbirth is painful, but your pain is your gift to him." " I don't want to suffer." " You must accept it." "Thanks for the advice, I want to walk now." "Listen to me." "Give him everything, even if he's ungrateful." "Enough, leave me the fuck alone!" "Even after he leaves, give him everything." "We're on this earth to suffer..." "What's wrong?" " I'm going home, fuck the beach." " I'll come with you." "No, stay." "I'll see you later." "Shit!" "Mousse!" "Mousse?" "Are you ok?" " Did you fall?" " No." "I like lying on the tiles, they're cool." " You scared me." " You're home late." " Let me help you." " No." " Sure you're ok?" " Stop worrying, I'm fine." " Paul!" " What?" "Shit!" "What's wrong?" "It's not working." "I think we're out of butane." " Got cylinders somewhere?" " Out back." "But I'm clueless." " I wouldn't go alone." " Why?" "It's calm here." "Scary shit happens in calm places." "Weird noises at night." " So why'd you come?" " To get some peace." "This is my refuge." " Here?" " Yeah." "It's empty." "Switch them." "Replace that one with this one." "Unscrew the cap and switch the hose." "What if it explodes?" "We'll go out with a bang, changing the butane." "What a way to go." "Do you think about dying?" "There." "We won't die this time." "Shame." "It's bizarre." "We took the same shit, he died and I'm alive." "I never had time to feel guilty." "When the doctor told me he was dead and I was pregnant, right away I thought:" "He'll go living inside me." "Maybe it's a mistake..." "Keeping this child." "Maybe he'll be fucked up." "Maybe I should get rid of him, spare him." "Keep him." "Bit too late now anyway, huh?" "I'm keeping him because I'm curious by nature." "I want to see the color of his eyes." "Touch his skin." "Will he have my nose?" "Louis' mouth?" "His hair?" "Is it a boy or a girl?" "I don't know." "Any ideas for names?" "No." "I don't think about that." "The baby isn't real to me yet." " Could you play some piano?" " Sure, like what?" "The thing you played yesterday." " Are you sure?" " Yeah." "It's a song we listened to as kids." "I know." "Deep in the night Rivers of feathers" "Sandmen wandering Through the fog" "Let's raise the sails Under a blanket of stars" "I hear your voice Singing, "Come join me"" "Deep in the deluge You'll find a refuge" "Let the rolling waves Wash you away" "You whispered softly You were waiting for me" "On the other side To take me dancing" "Deep in the night Rivers of feathers" "Sandmen wandering Through the fog" "Let's raise the sails Under a blanket of stars" "I hear your voice Singing, "Come join me"" "Keep your eyes closed A little longer" "I want to see Your smile linger" "Under a blanket of stars Let's raise the sails" "Can you hear my voice" "Singing, "Come back to me"" "I want to get some air." "Like to go for a drink?" " No." " No?" "I won't insist." " See you tomorrow." " Bye." "Morning." " Sleep well?" " Yeah." "We weren't too loud?" "We?" "I brought someone home..." "You invade my space, then invite guests?" "Hi." "You know each other, right?" "Kind of." " Coffee?" " Sure, thanks." "See you later." "I'm taking a walk." " Shit." " It's ok." "It isn't serious." "Excuse me." "I'm sorry." "We had a bit drink." "I didn't realize we were here." "A bit to drink?" "Well..." "A bit too much." " Where's Paul?" " Taking a shower." "Did he talk about me?" "No..." "Not really." "So, Serge, you're into men too?" "Yeah, well..." "Don't worry, I'm tolerant." "As you can guess, I don't need you now that I have him." "Oh, right." "I understand." " So goodbye, Serge." " Goodbye." "Where's Serge?" "He left." "He could've waited." "Yeah." " He was in a hurry." " I'll go join him." " Know where he lives?" " In the village." "I'll find him." "See you later." " I didn't order that." " It's from him." " Hello." " Hello." " You seemed thirsty." " True, thanks." " May I sit down?" " If you like." "You're beautiful." "No." "I'm 8 kilos overweight." "It suits you." "Makes you more desirable." "Are you hitting on me?" "I'm under your spell." "I've got a room nearby." "With an amazing ocean view." "You're direct, I like that." "Straight to the point." "Can't let life pass me by." "You like pregnant women?" "Yes." "As long as I'm not the father." "Why's that?" "I don't know." "When I was married," "I couldn't touch my wife for 9 months." "What's on your mind?" "Your room with the amazing ocean view." "You're right, it's a great view." " Like it?" " Yes." "No, I can't." "Relax, it's ok." " Is it your husband?" " I don't have one." "The baby's father?" "There isn't one." "So you're the Virgin Mary reincarnated?" "I wish." "Are you ok?" "No." "Could you rock me?" "Rock you?" "Sit behind me, snuggle in and rock me." "Ok." " Like this?" " Embrace me." "Mousse!" "Mousse?" "Are you here?" "Hi." "You scared me." "You're back?" "Where were you?" "Mistery." "I was worried." "What?" "Are you on something?" "No, I'm fine." "I feel good." " How about you?" " I got some food." " Great, but I need a nap." " Ok." " What's that cologne?" " I found it in the bathroom." "Snooping around?" "No, I was just looking for a comb." "That was Louis' cologne." "I know." "Are you here because I'm pregnant?" "I don't know." "Because you're gay and you'll never have kids?" "I don't think so." "Last night I thought Louis died to escape fatherhood." "I found something in your cabinet." "What?" " Is that syrup methadone?" " Yeah." "Isn't it dangerous for the baby?" "No, on the contrary." "Going cold turkey is dangerous." "Withdrawal." "I'd risk miscarriage." "I thought I was alone, but many addicts have babies." "It's just harder." "And more adoptions afterwards." "Who's that?" "Serge." "See you later." " Paul!" " What?" "Can I come with you?" "You ok?" "Can I sit down, please?" "Here." "Sit down." "Are you okay?" "Can I get a beer?" "Drop me off here." "We're taking you home." "I feel like walking." " We're still far." " Stop here, Serge!" "Fuck." "Be right back." " Ok." " Mousse!" " Want company?" " No, stay with Serge." " Are you sure?" " Yes, good night." "Well, good night." "It's okay." "Let's go." "Bye." " Looking at the stars?" " Yeah." "Making a wish?" "No, I don't belive in that." "You should, it's too sad otherwise." "That's just it, it's too sad." "Do you love Serge?" "I like him a lot." "Have you ever really loved someone?" "Yeah." "Someone who doesn't exist." "You're a strange guy." "Different than most." "You're brother could be a mystery too." "You know, Louis..." "He is and isn't my brother." "How so?" "I was adopted." "Shall we go?" "When I was 18, Mom took me to a church and told me." "She had complications after Louis' birth." "They removed her uterus." "She got super depressed." "She always wanted lots of kids." "She and Dad decided to adopt but didn't want anyone to know." "She hid away for 9 months." "Nobody saw her." "Then she showed up with a baby." "Me." "I think Louis knew all along, but never said anything." "I used to think he hated me for not being his real brother." "I never wanted to find my biological mother." "I don't care." " Shall we look inside?" " I don't like churches." " Go ahead if you want." " Ok." "Be right back." "The old guy who lent me the house..." " The blind guy?" " Yeah." "He'll sell it one day." "His grandkids are in Florida, he never sees them." " Course not, he's blind." " Dummy." "Serious, it'd be great if I could afford to buy it, huh?" "Yeah." "Serge could look after it when I'm away." "And do the handiwork, I'm useless." " Want some?" " Yeah." "Will you do it?" "My hands are sandy." " Afraid to touch my belly?" " No, no..." "It's moving." "It happens." "Fuck, you scared me!" "What happened?" "Are you drunk?" "We drank a few..." "Let me help you." " Weren't you staying with Serge?" " Is it moving?" "Stop it." "Come on." " Can I tell him a secret?" " Tell him later." " Can I?" " Sure." "Let's get you to bed." "Hang on." "I didn't drink that much." "Right." "Drinking runs in the family." "You're like your brother." "Other one." " I'm your baby, you take care of me." " Don't talk crap." "Lift your arms." "Give me your foot." " You love me?" " Sure, I love you." " You won't leave me?" " Course not." "Other foot." "Time for bed." " Lights out." " No, not the light!" "Look at you, you're ridiculous!" "Tell me a story." "What'd you guys take?" "You're so high." "What are you doing?" "Here." "Thanks." "Last night was beautiful." "Yes, it was." "The house will seem empty now." "Want me to stay?" "I need to learn to be alone." "What should I tell Serge?" "He has my number, he can call me." " You too, if you need anything?" " Ok." " Come see me in Paris?" " Yes." "Of course." "You and him." " Take care of yourself." " Ok." "You too." "Yes?" "Paul!" " I was afraid you wouldn't come." " I promised." " Flowers for you." " Thanks." " You cut your hair." " Yes." "I felt like a change." "It suits you." " How'd it go?" " Very smoothly." " Is it a boy?" " No, a little girl." "Louise." "Hello, Louise." "She has Louis' eyes." "She's beautiful." " How've you been?" " Good." "I'm working again." "Have you seen Serge?" "Yeah, he joined me in Spain." " Nice." " Yeah, it was great." "And your parents?" "They're ok." "Mom's still traveling." "She keeps busy." "My father's doing better, slowly but surely." "I visited him in London." "We really talked." "It felt good..." "I'll let you finish, but got a cigarette?" " Sure." " I'm dying for one." " But not here, right?" " No, downstairs." " Could you watch her for a second?" " Ok." "Thanks." " Got a light, please?" " Yes." "My dear Paul," "When I saw how you looked at Louise," "I knew you were the best person to care for her and love her as she deserves." "So I'm leaving her to you." "I'm not ready to be a mother yet." "I need time to learn to live and love again." "One day I'll return, and I know you'll be there with her." "You two are all that is precious to me." "I love you both." "Mousse" "Deep in the night Rivers of feathers" "Sandmen wandering Through the fog" "Let's raise the sails Under a blanket of stars" "I hear your voice Singing, "Come join me"" "Deep in the deluge You'll find a refuge" "Let the rolling waves Wash you away" "You whispered softly You were waiting for me" "On the other side To take me dancing" "Deep in the night Rivers of feathers" "Sandmen wandering Through the fog" "Let's raise the sails Under a blanket of stars" "Can you hear my voice Singing, "Come back to me"" "Deep in the night Rivers of feathers" "Sandmen wandering Through the fog" "You whispered softly You were waiting for me" "On the other side To take me dancing" "Keep your eyes closed A little longer" "I want to see Your smile linger" "Under a blanket of stars Let's raise the sails" "Can you hear my voice Singing, "Come back to me"" "original translation:" "Sionann O'Neill" " C.M.C." " Paris"