"[ ♪ ]" "Salaam aleikum, dad." "Waleikum salaam, beautiful." "Gearing up for new year's eve?" "We don't do anything new year's eve." "Makes it easy to gear up." "What's that?" "It's a cheque for a million dollars." "Usually when people say that," "They're a little more upbeat." "[ sigh ] I wrote it to myself five years ago and it's dated for tomorrow." "It's a promise to myself that by now" "I'd have a yacht, a power boat, a jet ski." "You know we live in the prairies, right?" "I was also going to buy myself a lake." "I just thought I'd be further ahead by now." "Aw, dad." "I'm going to write you a cheque for a million hugs." "Hugs better be a foreign currency I've never heard of." "You know what would cheer you up?" "A party." "Amaar, what are you doing tonight?" "Do you want to come to a New Year's eve party?" "New Year's eve isn't really a big Islamic holiday." "Okay, not a New Year's eve party." "Just a dinner party that happens to take place on New Year's... eve." "Interesting distinction." "Oh, come on." "There's nothing in Islam that forbids socializing on the last day of December." "Actually in the Islamic calendar there is no last day of December." "There you go." "It'll be like it never happened." "Do I have to bring anything?" "Oh..." "No." "Oh." "Okay then." "Because you're not really invited." "Oh well." "The more the merrier, right?" "I don't think it works that way with Baber, but..." "I'm free New Year's eve." "Oh." "Would you like to come?" "Oh!" "Have to check my calendar." "just said you were free." "Oh right." "[ chuckling ]" "I'm no good at being coy." "Okay, so it's a party then." "Do you feel better, dad?" "Well, as long as each person brings $333,000," "We should be set." "[ ♪ ]" "[ ♪ ] [ mixed chatter ]" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hey, Sarah." "Thanks for the invite." "Oh." "And that's so nice of you." "But you know we don't drink, right?" "I know." "Do you have an opener?" "What is a catamaran?" "It's a type of watercraft." "The point is, I'm depressed." "Look, it's natural at this time of year to look back, take stock." "...Realize that you're a miserable failure." "I would not get into the greeting card business if I were you." "The point is..." "I had a five-year plan, and my five-year plan backfired." "Oh, sweetie, no one can predict what's going to happen in five years." "It's true." "Five years ago tonight, I would not have believed that I would have become imam of Mercy mosque." "I still choose not to believe it." "I love you too, Baber." "So what were you doing five years ago, Amaar?" "Believe it or not, I was still living at home." "What's wrong with living at home?" "Nothing." "Um..." "It's just I was living under my parents' thumb." "Their giant, meddling thumb." "So?" "What time you coming home tonight?" "I'm not." "I'm going to a New Year's eve benefit with a bunch of guys from the firm." "Networking." "He's a lawyer now." "He's got to get ahead." "What does he need to network for?" " You own the firm." " That's true." " Do what your mother says." " Mom..." " I have to go to this..." " P.B..." "You are coming home." "Rayyan:" "Wait." "What does P.B. Stand for?" " What?" " You said she called you P.B." "Oh, it was just a pet name I had when I was a kid." "That stood for...?" "Pretty boy." "All: [ laughing ]" "But I was an adult by then." "They didn't call me that." "P.B., you're coming home tonight." "Oh, leave P.B. Alone." "P.B. Is an adult." "P.B. Can do what P.B. Wants to do." "Pass the eggs, P.B." "Mother:" "You are coming home." " We have a surprise." " Don't tell him that." "It ruins the surprise." " What surprise?" " It doesn't ruin the surprise if he doesn't know what the surprise is." "Yes, but now he's expecting a surprise." " That's not a surprise." " What's not a surprise?" " Never mind." " Never mind." " It's a surprise." " It's a surprise." "Rayyan:" "Were you a good lawyer, P.B.?" "Amaar:" "Please don't call me that." "And yes, I was." "But even as I kept up with the fast-paced world of the law somehow I knew I was on the wrong path." "[ groan ] [ thud ]" "Woman:" "Amaar?" "Amaar." "Amaar!" "Oh..." "Hey..." "Anita." "Are you all right?" "So are you going to the benefit tonight?" "I heard the prime minister was going to be there." "Uh..." "I don't think I can make it." "Aw, come on." "Sure I can't talk you into it?" "Well..." "Maybe." "Man:" "Hey!" "Get away from my legal assistant." "Anita:" "Morning, Ali." "So are you going to the benefit tonight?" "Head table." "You're sitting with the prime minister?" "We... are sitting with the prime minister." "Awesome!" "Prime minister, huh?" "Yeah." "You go to one G8 summit with a guy and now he always wants to hang." "Yeah, I've got the same problem." "Except instead of the prime minister, it's my dad, and instead of the G8 it's..." "Costco." "Poor Amaar." "Poor, poor Amaar." "You know, Ali, just once" " I'd like to..." " Be half the ladies' man that I am?" "I was going to say "punch you in the kidney" but..." "Yeah." "Oh..." "Amaar:" "By the time I got home I'd forgotten all about the..." "All:" "Surprise!" "[ laughter ] What's this?" "New Year's eve party." "Does the sign give it away?" "No, I mean I wasn't expecting quite anything like... this." "Well, yes, normally we watch Dick Clark with your cousins," "But this year we thought we'd do something different." "[ chuckling ]" "[ ♪ ]" "Different is good." "You bet." "[ chuckling ]" "Huh?" "[ giggling ]" "Yasir:" "Wait a minute." "They were all women?" "Pretty much." "[ whistle ]" "It was something." "[ ♪ ]" "That's not what happened." "Well, your story is boring." "I'm just trying to spice it up." "There were 15 women there..." "And me." "At first it was great." "I was the centre of attention." "But pretty soon I started feeling less like the guest of honour and more like the main course." "Excuse me." "Mom, what are all these women doing here?" "Oh, you noticed the women." "[ giggling ]" "Noticed?" "I feel like a chew toy at a dog show." "Did one bite you?" "[ mock growl ] [ chuckling ]" "Choose carefully." "One will be your bride." "That's funny." "I thought you said "bride"" "when obviously you meant "girl with whom to have polite conversation."" "First you pass the bar, and then you get married." "No point dilly-dallying." "No, no." "I like dilly-dallying." "Let's dilly-dally." "These girls come from good families, proper backgrounds." "This was not easy for me to arrange!" " I found the banner." " And your father found the banner." " I'm not arguing with the banner." " Thank you." "I'm just saying I'm not ready to..." " Relax." "Mingle." " Yes." "It's not like we're asking you to pick a bride tonight." "Remember your favourites." "We'll choose one tomorrow." "[ chuckling ] [ giggling ]" "[ ♪ ]" "Amaar:" "First law, now marriage." "It was time to stand up to my mom..." "Which I didn't have the guts to do, so I went to plan "B"." "Excuse me." "Huh." "[ beep of cellphone speed dial ]" "Ali." "Hey, guess what." "They got a magician performing, and me and the prime minister are going to assist." " What's the trick?" " Ali: [ on phone ] I don't know." "Something with a snake and a bunch of baby mice." "You sure the mice aren't just food for the snake?" "No, no, they're prob..." "Gah!" "Yeah." "Snake food." "Ooh!" "Amaar: [ on phone ] Anyway, blow it off." "I've got something better." "Women: [ laughing/chattering ]" "Amaar:" "Sorry, mom." "Looks like it's not going to work out." "Well played, P.B." "But you can't run forever." "[ ♪ ]" "God." "I wish I were young again." "[ ♪ ]" "You see?" "It makes things better." "So you dodged the bullet." "Not really." "The next morning mom just picked a girl, and we were engaged for a year." "Pass the corn." "You were engaged?" "Pass the corn." "Baber:" "You should be thankful you were not me that night." "I'm thankful I'm not you pretty much every night." "Am I allowed to tell a story too, or not?" "Okay." "What happened to you, Baber?" "Yes, yes, calm down, everyone." "I will tell you." "It was five years ago." "I had just moved to Mercy." "[ ♪ ]" "Muslims, huh?" "I-I guess I could talk about Muslims on my show." "I just don't know what angle to take." "You know, I mean, I, uh..." "Am I for you or against you?" "Hello, everyone." "I am Baber!" "[ spluttering ]" "I've made my decision." "Sorry." "Don't worry about him." "Are you the man who ordered the takeout?" "Yes." "I was told a good Muslim sister ran this diner." "I am Baber." " I am the good Muslim sister." " Ah." "Chicken korma and naan, yummy." "My wife will love it." "You and your wife are new to town?" "We're separated." "She lives in vancouver." "Perhaps I should double-bag the food." "No, no, no." "She's coming to visit this evening." "Inshallah she wants me back." "I will say a prayer for you." "Oh, by the way, does this town have a mosque?" "That is a good idea!" "And when we get one, the imam should be you." "Not some fancy-pantsy lawyer from Toronto." " Well, I don't..." " No!" "It's true." "A liberal, beardless imam from Toronto would be a disaster!" "Baber." "We get it." "Move along." "That's the way..." "I remember it." "Anyway..." "I wanted everything to be just right for Sameena's arrival, so I ordered furniture for my new home." "What do you mean I ordered patio furniture?" "I ordered by the numbers." "P-258," "P-342." "Woman: [ on phone ] "P" stands for patio." "How was I supposed to know that "P" stands for patio?" " What else would it stand for?" " I don't know." "Pleasing?" "Pleasant?" "I can't decipher your codes!" "Well, I'm sorry." "[ doorbell chimes ]" "Oh, subhanallah!" "She's here!" "[ sleeve rips ] Agggh!" "Ah!" "Sameena!" "Still not wearing the hijab." "And you still have not let it go." "Well, let me ask you this..." "Who is this man?" "Okay, calm down, Baber." "Oh, how lovely! "Hello, Baber, thank you for doing so much work for my arrival." "Meet the man who is here to replace you!" "Oh, and did I tell you that he is a young, handsome, non-Muslim infidel?"" "Baber, this is my cab driver." "I didn't have any cash." "I see." "Sorry for calling you "handsome"." "Well!" "Wonderful start." "Baber:" "And that... is why I hate snow tires." "You were supposed to be telling us about dinner with your ex-wife." "New Year's eve?" "Five years ago?" "Ah, yes, yes." "Ugh, very stressful." "Oh, Baber." "If the alimony is too steep, we..." "We can discuss it." "Oh, I just moved in two weeks ago." "There was a mix-up with the delivery company." "Okay, relax, I..." "I believe you." "Seriously, though," "Baber, we can arrange something." "Did you come here to talk about alimony?" "No." "No, of course not." "Oh, but I'm hungry." " Can we eat?" " Yeah." "Sit, sit, sit." "I'll bring it out." "Maybe we can take the umbrella down." "Huh?" "Ah, such a lovely evening in here." "You still have not lost your sense of humour." "Oh, how I miss your jokes and your jibes and..." "Your remarks that..." "Cut me to the bone." "Cake for dinner." " Hmm?" " All the food groups." "[ ♪ ]" "I apologize about the cab driver." "I thought you'd met another man and were getting married." "I have met another man and..." "We're getting married." "I knew it!" "Who is he?" "How could you do this to me?" "How long has this been going on?" "Do you want to hear the answer to your questions, or do you want to keep babbling like an idiot?" "I am perfectly capable of doing both." "Baber, I'm in love with this new man," "And I'm moving with him to pakistan." "Pakistan!" "This is your news?" "And I suppose you'll be taking our daughter with you, you..." "Child-napping remarry-er you!" "My news, you buffoon, was I wanted Layla to come live with you." "Oh." "My new husband's job has us travelling so much, and I want Layla to have a stable home." " That would be lovely." " Well, it's not happening now, Baber." "Look how you live." "You have..." "You have no furniture." "This is top-of-the-line patio furniture." "Your clothes, they're ripped." "That's because of this crappy patio furniture." "You serve cake for dinner." "It's the last time I'm going to that diner." "A girl needs the right environment." "I have to do what's right for Layla." "Excuse me, I need to use the washroom." "Unless your toilet hasn't been delivered yet." "It's upstairs." "You have to jiggle the handle when you're finished." "I haven't gotten around to..." "Fixing it." "[ ♪ ]" "Baber:" "Of course, in the end, Sameena changed her mind." "Rayyan:" "Aw..." "How did you pull that off?" "I think it's pretty obvious." "So you don't know?" "No." "This is all..." "Very enlightening," "But it doesn't give me the million dollars that I was supposed to have in... 20 minutes." "Why did you write that silly cheque to yourself, anyway?" "Come to think of it, I don't remember." "Rayyan:" "Wait a minute." "I remember." "I was with you that night." "It was, uh, when I was home from med school" " Oh..." " On a holiday break." "Back then, I used to pick up a few shifts at Fatima's whenever I came home." "[ ♪ ]" "Well, what do you think?" "Oh, I don't know, Fatima." "It's just not for me." "Maybe some day." "You're one of those, uh..." "Those Muslims too, huh?" "A lot of you people moving into town." "Well, maybe you should talk about it on your show, mr." "Tupper." "I guess." "Uh..." "What would I say?" "[ chuckling ]" "Oh my gosh!" "Rayyan!" "I haven't seen you since high school." "Come on, come on, hugs." " Uh..." "Oh." " Hugs." "So." "H-how are things?" "Um..." "The same." "Rick's the same." "Parents are the same." "You know, nothing ever changes." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." "Why?" "It's awesome!" "Hey, um, you have to come to my New Year's party." "There will be tonnes of people from our old crowd." "Oh, I didn't realize I was in the old crowd." "[ scoffing ] Oh my God, that's so not true." " So you'll come?" " Yeah." "I'd like to." "[ giggling ] Awesome!" "Oh, and, uh, don't worry," "There will be plenty of non-alcoholic drinks, 'cause, uh, you know..." "The whole "Muslim-Muslim" thing." " Yeah, I'm aware of the whole "Muslim-Muslim" thing." " Cool!" "I'll call you." " Okay." " Okay?" "Ciao, bella!" "Oh, my God." "Can you believe that?" "I'm going to one of Sandi Sharpe's parties!" "Let us celebrate by bagging up the takeout orders." "Oh, right." "Two chicken kormas..." "And..." "One cake." "Hmm." "You know, I have no idea what to wear tonight." "Can I go early?" "After the rush dies down." "So now?" "All right, run along." "You're the best, Fatima." "Here's your cake, Mr. Tupper." "Oh." "Thanks, toots." "And, uh, remember what I told you." "Muslims, good topic for a show." "Muslims, huh?" "I guess I could talk about Muslims on the show." "I just don't know what angle to take, you know?" "I mean, am I..." "Am I for you or against you, huh?" "[ ♪ ]" "Mom." "Are you and dad still going to that dinner party" " At the Cowan's tonight?" " Yep." "Okay, ask me if I want to tag along." " What?" "Why?" " Just ask me." "Do you want to tag along?" "I can't!" "I have plans." "You already told me that this morning." "Mom." "You're ruining my moment here." "Sorry." "Sorry." "What are your plans?" "Sandi Sharpe invited me to her party!" "Mm-hmm." "Who's Sandi Sharpe?" "The girl who flushed my socks down the toilet in grade 9 gym." "The one who crazy-glued my face to her locker?" "The one who laughed at me when I went to the prom without a date." "Gee, I can see why you'd want to usher in the new year with her." "[ ♪ ]" "Yasir, are you almost ready?" "We're going to be late for the Cowans." " You're not dressed." " Well, I'm not naked." " What's wrong, dad?" " Look at that." "Five years ago I wrote myself a post-dated cheque for half a million dollars." "Oh, I think that's going to bounce." "By now I was supposed to own a kayak," " A rowboat..." " We live in the prairie." "I was also going to buy myself a pond." "Why don't you write yourself a cheque for a full million and postdate it for five years from now?" "Darling, you're brilliant." "You just doubled my money!" "[ telephone ringing ] Oh!" "Don't answer it!" " I don't want to seem too eager." " Sweetie, those are the kids who made fun of you in high school." "I know." "I want to impress them." "And you will because you're cool." "Says the man in socks and sandals." "Please get dressed." "Hello?" "Oh, hey, Sandi." "What's up?" "[ ♪ ]" " What's that, darling?" " Directions to Sandi's house..." " Oh my gosh, where does she live?" " And Kate's house," "Dave's house and Jennifer's house." " Wow." "You are the little party-hopper." " No." "These are the people I'm supposed to pick up on my way there." "And the times they're all supposed to be home by." "Ooh, that sounds like fun." "Yeah, Sandi obviously just invited me so that I would be the designated driver because she knows I'm a Muslim and I don't drink." "Oh, honey, I'm sure that's not true." "Please." "You should have seen her in high school." "I remember, it was about five years ago today." " I was going..." " Darling," " Nobody's interested in a story about five years ago." " Yeah." "Well, anyway, I thought she'd changed." "In retrospect I should've been tipped off when she said she hadn't changed." "Oh, honey, I'm sure you're misreading this." "Nobody's going to invite you to a party just to be designated driver." "That is ridiculous." "Yasir:" "I hate to interrupt," "But we could be late for the Cowans." "Oh." "Well, we have 15 minutes." "Yes, but on the way, we have to pick up the Douglasses, the Morgans and the Sheridans." "[ ♪ ]" "This was way more fun than going out anyway." "Oh, I agree." "You know, technically in the Islamic calendar there is no December 31st." " Really?" " Mm-hmm." "I didn't know that." "Man: [ on television ] ...And this just in," "The prime minister is recovering after receiving a snake bite during a magic trick gone wrong at a New Year's eve party in Toronto..." "Toronto!" "What do they get up to in that city?" "Oh my gosh!" "It's almost midnight." "Should we turn on the TV?" "Remember, it is not a New Year's eve dinner." "Just a dinner on New Year's eve." "You know, Sarah," "Technically in the Islamic calendar," "There is no December 31st." "Really?" "I didn't know that." "Well." "Happy not-New-Near's-eve to everyone anyway." "[ kiss ] [ slurring ] Hear!" "Hear!" "[ party favour tooting ]" "What?" "I'm not Muslim." "Mayor Popowicz: [ drunk giggling ]" "Ooh!" "Switching colours." "It's not good." "[ ♪ ]" "What a fun night." " So many friends." " So many dishes." "You know, if we had a million dollars," "We could pay someone to do this." "Or you could fix the dishwasher." "[ chuckling ]" "Stop moping." "You've got health, you've got safety and comfort, and you spent last night in a house" " full of people who love you." " You're right, darling." "That's much more important than a million dollars." " Yeah." " Rayyan:" "Dad..." "I have something for you." "Is it a million dollars?" "Better. 10 million dollars." "All you have to do is sign your name." "Brilliant!" "This will really motivate me!" "Five years from now, we will have our own swimming pool..." " Huh?" " On the back of a luxury yacht!" "This may not be the first day of our year, but it is the first day of the rest of my life." "Sarah:" "Where are you going?" " Nap." " Oh, wait." "First, can you get the mayor off our couch?" "Water please." "[ ♪ ]" "Subtitle by:" "Kiasuseven"