"Hm." "Em." "Trish?" "Oh." "You're a sleepy head." "How do you like your eggs?" "Oh, I was dreading it, Karl." "I mean, the day of the divorce." "Sounds like a horror film." "Hm." "And when you suggested work drinks to celebrate, I wasn't sure." "I had one of the best nights of my life." "It went off." "Oh." "Did it?" "Well, don't you remember?" "Janette was grinding George." "Paul downed half a pint of rose." "You lifted me up like in Dirty Dancing." "Oh, what am I like?" "Honestly." "And who'd have thought it, eh?" "Me, the younger man." "Oh, my God." "You all right?" "Yeah, I'm just..." "I'm just tired." "I'm not surprised." "You were like the Duracell bunny last night!" "I couldn't keep up with you." "Ooh, I'll drop you here." "I don't want the new girl thinking you're the boss's favourite." "Fine." "I can't get out." "Well, just pull your knob up." "That sounded rude." "Oh, dear." "I haven't drunk that much since I got the all dear." "You were in a right state." "I woke up with a wet sleeve" "And three Koi carp in a bin bag." "I fell asleep in the lounge." "Crazy." "How do you do it?" "You're half the size of a normal person." "It doesn't affect me." "I did three loads of ironing when I got in." "Here he is." "How was the after party?" "What 'after' party?" "Well, you insisted we all went back to yours." "Did I?" "Did you?" "Have you had a head injury?" "I don't really remember much." "I warned you about mixing your drinks." "Never ends well when I drink Sambuca." "We went home when the pub kicked out." "Trish went back to yours." "Anyone fancy a tea?" "I...er..." "I mixed my drinks." "You mixed lemonade with lager." "It's not the same." "Sorry." "That's all right." "You come first." "Come on, guys." "I totally crashed out." "I didn't even put my pyjamas on." "Morning, Trish." "Morning, Paul." "Come on, everyone." "Settle yourselves." "So, can I just say a big thank you to everyone who came out last night?" "Honestly." "I should get divorced every week." "You missed a cracking night, Angela." "I'll live." "As you know, job centres are changing." "To help lighten my load, we have got ourselves a brand new shiny deputy manager " "Natalie Mason." "Little clap." "Natalie, why don't you say a few words?" "Yeah." "OK." "Hi, everyone, I'm Natalie." "Hello, Natalie." "Hi." "I'm 25." "I'm really excited to be here." "And... erm... what about myself?" "Er..." "I'm a virgin." "Whoo!" "A job centre virgin." "Natalie's a young professional." "She used to work in recruitment." "That's amazing." "I've never worked in a job centre." "I was on the management training scheme." "Sailed through with flying colours." "I want to put people first not commission - it's great to be somewhere with no targets." "But we have got..." "OK, thanks, George." "No, I'm just saying that we have got..." "Sssh!" "Have we got any questions?" "Don't you think you're too young and inexperienced to be a deputy manager?" "Good question." "Great question." "I am young but I've got loads of ideas." "Like what?" "OK." "As you all know, Angela has been public in her disappointment at being overlooked for the role of deputy." "We have now reached a settlement." "I have agreed to award Angela the position of Cost Cutting Champion and Angela has agreed to pay for the accidental damage to my car." "But Angela's already Hot Drinks and Litter Champion." "And that's the end of the matter, Paul." "It's just so great to have you here." "It gets lonely at the top." "Especially for a woman." "I hear you, sister." "Very, very funny." "This is exactly how I imagined it." "And yes, I'm your boss but I also want to be like your best friend." "My boss friend." "Ooh, just bonding." "Oh, this is great." "Cos I think it's important we can talk to each other about anything." "Please do." "OK." "Last night I had sex for the first time in 2% years!" "Good for you." "Sorry I've just been bursting to tell someone." "That..." "That's great." "Back on the horse and all that." "Not wrong." "It's like Buckaroo." "So unexpected." "I mean, I went back to Karl's flat " "Oh, you and Karl." "No, that would have been totally inappropriate." "Little management tip, Natalie." "Don't indulge in sexual relations with any of your team." "Got it." "Don't poo on your own doorstep." "Exactly." "Anyway, I got chatting to Karl's flat mate, Tom." "He's a landscape gardener so F-I-T." "Did he sow his seed?" "That works because he's a gardener." "But yes." "Yes, he did." "Why is the stationery cupboard locked?" "Because, as Cost Cutting Champion, I need to supervise our resources." "I only want a biro." "You have to ask me first." "Can I have a biro, please, Angela?" "You need to fill out a request form." "Not for a biro." "I'm a fraud officer." "Rules are rules." "How am I supposed to fill this in if I haven't got a pen?" "Use a pencil." "I haven't got a pencil." "You all right?" "Great, thanks." "just logging on." "Nice mouse action." "I sit there so anything else just... holler." "Someone's been a dirty sausage." "You and Trish, eh?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "You had full sex with Trish last night." "George..." "Paul said." "George." "Can I just explain?" "Yes, I had sex..." "Full sex... with Trish but I was very drunk." "I don't remember any of it." "Actually, I don't" " It's all right." "I don't want you to get the wrong impression." "I'm a hit with women." "No, you're not." "George, did you want something?" "Can I borrow a pen?" "No." "What's wrong with sleeping with Trish?" "She's a handsome woman." "Yeah, Trisha's great but she's not my type." "I like young girls." "You like young girls?" "Yeah." "Younger gir..." "Younger women, you know." "Like you." "But not like... you." "You know... girls your age." "Women." "Women your age." "I see." "What Trish was saying makes sense now." "What was she saying?" "She was talking about how much she enjoyed it." "How special it was." "No." "No." "No." "She wasn't." "How she feels like she's been uncorked." "Oh, God!" "Doughnut anybody?" "Angela?" "Hang on." "I felt the need for a bit of sugar after last night." "Do you want one?" "OK." "See if you can eat it without licking your lips!" "I have to get a napkin in case it dribbles down my chin." "Oh, Janette." "I need you to arrange an interview for me." "Are you leaving again?" "Why?" "I've found a job that I really want." "Cos you've had sex with Trish?" "How do you know?" "Brilliant." "George owes me a tenner." "People are betting on it?" "It's been on the cards for a while." "No, it hasn't." "Can I just say how pleased I am?" "No." "No, you can't." "It's the worst thing that has ever happened to me." "Please, Janette." "Hello." "I'm calling from Brownall job Centre." "I've a claimant interested in your vacancy." "Me." "Karl." "Karl Lyndhurst." "Tell 'em I've got a degree." "He's got a degree." "In Fine Art." "Fine Art." "In Fine Art." "Good." "First." "He's got one degree in Fine Art." "No." "No." "First." "It's his first degree in Fine Art." "Oh, you do it." "Do you think I should call him?" "Personally, I wouldn't." "You don't want to seem too keen." "But I am keen." "Here's what we're gonna do." "Text him but with no more than seven words." "Something like... 'Hi." "Last night was great'." "Smiley face." "And only one kiss." "One kiss?" "Ice queen." "Then a 'Z'." "Z?" "It's next to X on the keypad." "You're so cool you don't even proof read your texts." "You're good." "I'm so glad you're here." "What are deputy managers for'?" "What the hey?" "I'm adding another Z." "Do you know, it's true what they say, Natalie." "After the drought comes the flood." "And I am ready to get soaking wet." "Trish, I just wanted to say, 'Good for you.'" "About time you blew the cobwebs away." "OK." "I'm so happy." "It must have been ages since you've been intimate with a man." "OK." "That's enough, Janette." "Tom replied." "Oh." "'Do you fancy lunch?" "' Three kisses." "I'm replied, 'Yum." "Yum'." "One kiss." "Then he sent this." "What exactly is a bootie call?" "Erm..." "There was me thinking it was something to do with pirates." "You need to move people on quicker." "Why?" "They're soaking up all our heat." "We're not here to give hand-outs." "Aren't we?" "People give off, Angela." "Unemployed people don't." "They're too low energy." "Have you signed on?" "Do you mean today?" "Or ever in my life?" "You need to move along." "Come on." "Can't I just stand in the corner?" "Outside." "Move." "Get dear of the sensors." "You're letting the cold air in." "If he comes back in, call the police." "Maybe it's upside down." "No." "What you doing?" "Found this behind the unit." "Yeah, it belongs to a client." "He's got an interview this afternoon." "They're taking that to an interview?" "Oh, that's good." "Did one of your kids do that?" "One of the claimants did it." "What's it meant to be?" "It's a cow." "Really?" "A com" "So, is that its head?" "That?" "No that's its tail." "It's too big to be its tail." "It's abstract." "It's not literal." "So open your minds and see the piece as a whole." "So that's not its head, then?" "No." "Why is it colder than a witch's tit in here?" "I thought the heating was broken." "Ne, I've turned it down." "What for?" "We're not storing meat." "I'm saving us money." "I think that's a great idea, Angela." "Thanks." "But I have just lost the feeling in my feet." "That's bad circulation." "I'll turn it up." "No, you won't." "Hold your horses." "Natalie is Deputy Manager." "I'm Cost Cutting Commander." "It's my jurisdiction." "Commander?" "You were champion half an hour ago." "Either way, I have control of the thermostat and it's staying on six." "Hi, there." "Hm?" "Karl, is it?" "Hm-mm." "I'm Lottie." "Ben's running a bit late." "But help yourself to anything you fancy." "There's MMs there." "Oh, wow." "MMs?" "Can I get you a drink?" "What coffee do you like?" "Oh, erm..." "Gold Blend?" "We're got our own man." "He'll make anything." "Anything?" "Right." "OK." "So, that's not its head." "No." "Yeah." "Yeah." "This piece." "It's really challenging." "Thanks." "Did you say your degree's in... erm...?" "Art." "Fine Art." "I got a first." "Well, I was two marks off but it's the same thing, right?" "So..." "Karl... the position you're applying for involves creating artwork for computer games." "Do you think you could adapt your... er... style to that?" "Yes, I could." "Cool." "Cool." "Great. mm" "Well, I could add a gun to that particular piece." "It could be a new game." "Killer cow." "Killer com It could fight other farmyard animals." "You know?" "It could fight your sheep." "Your hens." "Your horses." "Well, horses." "The end of level boss could be a big Shire horse." "That you have to kill by firing milky bullets from your..." "You know, your teats." "Teats?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Udders." "OK." "Cool." "And... erm... what's this one?" "Erm... it's the crying eye of... a war child." "Oh." "Hello, Karl." "Hello, Trish." "How are you?" "I'm fine." "Why are you coming in the back way?" "Er... just for a change." "Why are you standing behind a bin?" "Erm... because I am smoking." "You caught me." "I'm a dirty smoker." "Are you?" "Yeah, I love the fags." "I'll probably have one now." "Actually." "OK." "Ooh, that's smooth." "So, are you going to go inside?" "Yeah, I probably just..." "I'll just mosey on in." "Yeah." "I think I'll move around here for a bit." "Are you all right?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I'm just a bit light-headed." "Trish?" "!" "Trish." "Get up!" "I'm trying." "I'm trying." "Hello, mate." "Tom, what you doing?" "I'm not gonna lie to you, Karl." "I'm doing what it looks like." "He bootie called me." "Things sort of developed after last night." "Last night?" "Yeah, when Trish came back to ours and we, you know..." "You and Trish?" "Karl, you know this." "We talked about it in the car." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Obviously, you came back to ours and you both..." "You... it... oh!" "Are you gonna be OK with this?" "Yeah." "I mean, this is absolutely..." "fine." "I just..." "Oh." "Oh, I am so pleased." "Oh, Karl." "I'm so glad you don't think this is weird." "Ooh, bloody hell, Graham!" "You gave me kittens then." "Come in." "Be quick." "We're dosing in 10 minutes." "Thanks, Janette." "I did go and sit in the swimming baths but they get funny if you're only watching." "What's he doing back?" "Angela, let him stay." "It's bitter outside." "Actually, it's colder in here." "I'll find a warm corner in IKEA." "You stay put." "Everything all right?" "Angela's turned the heating down." "Which is well within my role as Cost Cutting Tsar." "Oh, we don't need to worry about cost cutting anymore, Angela." "Natalie's had a brainwave." "She ordered energy saving light bulbs." "It's going to save us a fortune." "Turn it back up, Paul." "What shall we say?" "Er... 22?" "24." "Let's go tropical." "Erm... just so you know, there was a bit of a misunderstanding." "It turns out Trish actually slept with my flatmate." "Yeah." "I knew that." "Sorry." "I just couldn't resist winding you up." "Your face is too funny." "Oh, yeah." "Right." "That is hilarious." "You're a really good liar." "I'd never have done it if I thought you'd apply for a job." "Did you get it?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "They really wanted me but... erm... it just wasn't right." "Ooh, I could do with a beer after today." "Are you up to anything tonight?" "Are you asking me out?" "No." "I'm just rolling with the small talk." "Karl, don't worry." "I'm winding you up." "I think I'm just gonna head home and..." "Well, it's your first day and all that." "I'll probably just head off myself actually." "I might do a baked potato." "So, it turns out Tom is extremely allergic to dogs which means my flat is totally off limits." "So, I'm coming round to yours tonight." "Oh, you've lucked out." "Got yourself a free lift home." "And back again." "It's gonna be like working with your flat mate." "Or living with your boss." "Yeah." "Quite." "Ready when you are, roomy." "Enjoy your baked potato." "There's no need for baked potatoes." "Tom's making a romantic meal." "I'm sure there'll be enough for three." "Come on, Karl." "Bye, Natalie." "See, that was more fun than watching the football, wasn't it?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Love a rum-com." "Well, I think we might turn in, mate." "All right." "OK." "Night, Karl." "Night, mate." "Ooh, Tom!" "Ooooh!" "You're not hanging around." "Oooh!"