"(cheering, applause)" "(muttering, indistinct)" "I am." "I drank the whole bottle of Baileys." "Oh!" "Welcome to the news." "Oh, Pete, it's time for your close-up." "Just kidding." "My name is Johnny." "I play guitar." "I'm Perry, and I play the guitar, and I sing." "Gary." "Drums." "I'm Pete." "I'm drunk." "Did you say "I'm drunk"?" "I'm drunk." "PERRY:" "We're supposed to be conducting an interview." "Does your band suck or is your band good?" "Suck." "Suck." "(crowd chattering)" "¶ Puke stains and cigarettes ¶" "¶ The party is in my pocket ¶" "¶ I'm lookin' for a drink ¶" "¶ And a couch to call my own ¶" "¶ Give me a bump and I will come ¶" "¶ And whisper dirty lies ¶" "¶ The rapture in your ear ¶" "¶ And we'll both be terrified ¶" "¶ Bloodshot eyes and you're peppermint ¶" "¶ We could run like dogs from the devil ¶" "¶ Give me one last try ¶" "¶ For your love tonight ¶" "¶ I'll be the king forever ¶" "¶ And you can be my sunshine ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ And now I won't back down ¶" "¶ I said I won't back down ¶" "¶ I am the devil's kind ¶" "¶ Take me into the water ¶" "¶ And pull me from the slaughter ¶" "¶ Because I've got the shakes ¶" "¶ And I'm so petrified ¶" "¶ Bloodshot eyes and you're peppermint ¶" "¶ We can roll like dogs from the devil ¶" "¶ Give me one last try for your love tonight ¶" "¶ I'll be the king forever ¶" "¶ And you can be my sunshine ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ And now I won't back down ¶" "¶ Said I won't back down ¶" "¶ I am the devil's kind ¶" "(cheering)" "(cheering fading)" "Yeah." "(hydraulics squeak)" "Oh, shit!" "Shit!" "Hey!" "Wait, wait!" "Check it out." "Excuse me!" "It's Miller time." "Hey, excuse me." "What's the matter with you, Miller?" "I forgot to put my cans out again." "Like we've never heard that before." "Come on, man." "Help me out." "It's my birthday." "You know that can't happen, man." "Oh, come on!" "Hey, Salome." "Hey." "Hey, use a coaster." "How many times do I gotta tell you?" "Why?" "It's not a big deal, Daddy." "It's just juice." "It is a big deal." "It'll leave a ring, and Mom will go apeshit and blame me." "What's "apeshit" mean?" "Oh." "Give me my guitar." "It's a... ¶ Word you shouldn't say It means gorilla poo ¶" "Okay, Dad." "¶ And if you say it, people think I'm a bad dad ¶" "Okay, Dad." "¶ So please don't say it ¶" "Okay." "Okay, Dad." "Okay." "All right." "See how easy that is?" "You're crazy, Daddy." "(whirring)" "Hey!" "Good morning, sexy." "WOMAN:" "What?" "(whirring stops)" "Sorry." "What?" "I said hi." "Oh, hi, hon." "Hey, uh, you up for a little quickie?" "(chuckles) Very funny." "I have to be in court in 20 minutes." "All I need is five." "Okay, four." "Hey, I just want to say, I'm sorry in advance." "It was an oversight." "What's that supposed to mean?" "It's garbage day." "I forgot to get the cans out again." "Perry, come on." "That's two weeks in a row." "I know." "I'm sorry." "But I figured today is a special occasion, so I've earned a free pass?" "What's the special occasion?" "You know, special." "What?" "You know." "No." "What?" "You're joking, right?" "Oh, Perry, come on!" "You're slowing me down." "I'm late." "Wow." "Hey!" "How you doing, man?" "Oh, boy!" "Happy birthday!" "Oh, man, thanks." "I think Mommy forgot." "Can you believe that?" "All right, who wants breakfast?" "SALOME:" "I want breakfast!" "Right there." "Let's see what kind of trouble we can get into." "Salome, you want a cookie?" "Really?" "Yeah." "It's a special occasion." "What's the special occasion?" "Your talent show." "Tonight?" "Are you gonna rock the house?" "I guess." "What do you mean, you guess?" "Say, "Hell, yeah, Daddy!" Hell, yeah, Daddy!" "Boom!" "There you go." "Are you nervous?" "No." "It's okay if you are." "I'm not really nervous, but can I have another cookie?" "Of course." "Yes!" "Can you do me a huge favor, babe, and come home at your lunch..." "Why is she having a cookie?" "It's a special occasion." "Oh, what's the special occasion?" "It's my..." "No, no, no, no." "Don't say anything." "Guess, Mom." "Mm-hmm." "Okay, wait." "Let me see." "Could it be..." "your talent show?" "Yes!" "The talent show." "'Cause we celebrate important milestones in this house, 'cause that's what we do." "Okay, do you want a waffle, Salome?" "No, Dad's gonna fix me some apeshit." "(chuckles)" "Did she just say "apeshit"?" "I think she heard that at school." "Anyways, my parents are coming in today, and I need you to come home and let them in." "The punisher is coming?" "Yes!" "I told you that." "And they're coming at noon." "Which reminds me." "Can you go pick up Salome's new guitar?" "She's gonna need it for the show tonight." "Okay?" "And please..." "Yeah, yeah, I'll do it." "Don't lose it." "I won't lose it." "Okay, great." "I gotta go." "I'm late." "I love you." "I love you." "Mmm-mmm-mmm!" "And don't forget my parents." "I won't forget." "Whoa!" "Didn't you change his diaper?" "I think I forgot." "I don't know how." "He smells like a porta potty." "Okay." "(no audible dialogue)" "Dad!" "We're gonna be late." "Come on, Dad!" "Hey, what do you think of your playhouse?" "My playhouse?" "It's kinda boring." "Really?" "That sucks." "It's supposed to be fun." "It's a little fun." "Ah, nah, it sucks." "I'm a shitty carpenter." "I don't know what to sing tonight, Daddy." "I know, but I haven't figured out..." "You haven't decided?" "Right." "What do you wanna sing?" "I don't know." "Maybe, like, the Dead Kennedys." "(chuckles) Dead Kennedys?" "That would be funny, but there's, like, a bunch of families and kids and stuff." "Oh, yeah." "But..." "I don't know." "Sing whatever you want." "My band never decided until the last second." "Daddy, what do you do?" "(chuckles) What do I do?" "What does that mean?" "Well, it's just because it's career day, and we're supposed to talk about our parents' careers." "Oh!" "I don't know." "Just say I'm in a band or something." "But you're not in a band." "Yes, I am." "We're just taking a temporary hiatus." "What's a temporary hiatus?" "Ah." "It's a fancy way of saying we're taking a break." "Oh." "I don't know." "Why don't you just talk about Mom, how she's a public defender and all that important stuff?" "Okay." "Yeah, you don't have to mention me." "Come on." "Let's do it." "(school bell ringing)" "Get to school." "Have fun." "Hey, Dean!" "Arrest that man!" "Take him in for questioning." "I'm trying to get him to join Dad's Group." "I don't think it's working." "Is he being a pussy?" "A little bit." "Come on." "Don't be a pussy, pussy guy." "(chuckles) Okay." "Hey, we were just joking." "We don't think you're a pussy." "I don't even know how that got started." "I was just trying to be funny." "I'm sorry." "You guys are pretty weird, man." "Dad's Group." "We need somebody cool like you." "Honestly, if you think I'm cool, then your Dad's Group is kind of hurting." "(laughing)" "We're just messing with you." "There he goes." "(doorknob rattling)" "(knocking)" "Hey, Perry." "Got it for you." "Salome's first guitar." "This is what my wife picked out?" "Yeah." "What do you think?" "Why is there a dinosaur on it?" "(chuckles) I don't know." "I think it's a decal." "It probably comes off." "(strums)" "Well, it sounds all right, I guess." "Oh, can I tell you something?" "I have to tell somebody." "What happened?" "Mm." "I'm dating this French chick." "Ingrid is her name." "Twenty-five." "Oh, smokin' hot." "Anyway, she invites me to Paris for a dinner party." "I'm like, "Yeah, I like dinner."" "So we get there." "Have you ever flown first class?" "Uh, no." "The seats are like the size of my car." "Which means two people..." "(sucks teeth)" "That's your story?" "You had sex on a plane?" "No." "I mean, yes." "But no, that is not the story." "So, get to Paris." "Here's the dinner party table." "Me, Ingrid, Mom, Dad, Paul McCartney." "Oh, come on!" "Dude, I know." "I think her dad's, like, an ambassador or something." "Come on." "Mm-hmm." "Anyway, dinner's over." "Parents go upstairs." "She's all passed out on the couch." "It's just me and Paul, hanging out, just shootin' the shit." "And then he pulls out a guitar and we start jamming." "What?" "I sang "Let It Be." I sang "Yesterday." I sang "Glass Onion."" "You gotta be kidding me." "I sang..." "No, dude." "You're lying." "Now I know you're lying." "No, I am not lying." "You liar." "I will show you." "Paul gave me his number." "McCa." "That is what happens when you fly by the seat of your pants first class." "Boom!" "So, how was your night?" "My night?" "My night was awesome." "I watched House Hunters and went to bed." "You watched what?" "House Hunters?" "Oh, man." "Never mind." "(chuckles) All right, you want that guitar?" "Should I wrap that up for you?" "How much is that one over there?" "Don't be ridiculous." "That's a limited edition." "I'm not even sure I'd be willing to sell that." "I tell you what though." "I'll trade you for the L6." "(scoffs) Are you kidding me?" "(chuckles) It's just a thought." "Dude, I've had that guitar my whole life." "It's like trading my wife and kids." "You know what?" "Just give me the dinosaur one." "Yeah." "I'll get you a strap." "It's fine." "Sorry, man." "There he is." "Perry Miller, ladies and gentlemen." "Thank you so much for joining us, Perry." "Only 30 minutes late." "No big deal." "Can I get you anything?" "Any coffee?" "How about a doughnut?" "Let me run out and get you a buttered bagel." "I had to pick up Salome's guitar." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "That's cool." "It's always something with you, man." "It must be nice to be you." "Are you cool?" "I'm great." "Thanks for being early." "Terrific." "Hey." "Yeah?" "You're a great brother." "¶¶ (rock intro)" "¶ Nothing ever happens ¶" "¶ Nothing ever happens here ¶" "¶ Nothing ever happens today ¶" "¶ Today, today, today ¶" "¶¶ (continues)" "¶ Things are fragile inside ¶" "¶ I'm fragile, I'm fragile ¶" "¶¶ (continues)" "¶ Nothing every happens ¶" "¶ Nothing ever happens ¶" "Hey, man." "Hey, what's up?" "We gotta talk." "Okay." "What's up?" "I had a guy come in and say that you recommended ammonia for his marble countertops." "Why would you do that?" "Maybe because I don't have anything that has marble in it." "Okay, this is our business, and we're supposed to be experts on every product in the store." "That's how it works." "Experts?" "Experts." "Give me a break." "Perry, I'm being serious right now, okay?" "Yeah, yeah." "Honestly, we have a real problem." "And we're gonna have to talk about it." "What are we gonna do about this?" "Do we have to do this now?" "We have to do it now." "Please don't push me, okay?" "And stop walking away when I'm talking to you." "Hey, did you know today's my birthday?" "(scoffs) Come on, your birthday?" "Birthdays are for kids, Perry." "I know." "It's just..." "Dude, never mind." "How old are you?" "Forty." "Okay, well, happy birthday." "It's great." "(scoffs) What are you gonna do?" "You gonna hang out?" "You gonna party tonight?" "Karen forgot." "She forgot?" "That sucks." "You forgot too." "No, I didn't." "I thought it was tomorrow or... (scoffs) I could call her." "You want me to call her?" "No." "She's got enough on her plate." "Don't say anything." "Okay." "Just drop it." "Promise you won't say anything." "I'm not gonna say anything." "All right." "If the lecture's over, I gotta go finish working." "Look, you know what I think?" "I think you should take the day off." "Blow off some steam, find your buddies, throw a little party for yourself." "Nah." "I was about to put this in the safe." "I want you to take some of this money." "Two, three..." "What is that?" "It's $500." "I'm not taking that." "Yeah, you are." "You're actually gonna take a thousand." "That's a thousand." "And please, Perry, get it out of your system." "I don't want this." "Yes, take it." "I'm tired of you loafing around this place." "You're late all the time." "Your hair's a mess." "You..." "You look like a goblin." "You don't know jack shit about hardware or the stuff we sell." "Oh, yes, I do." "That's so not true." "Okay, what do we have in aisle ten?" "Aisle ten?" "Yeah." "Soap." "Soap?" "Yeah, like dish soap." "Wrong." "Um, wait." "Um, hoses." "No." "Uh, shovels." "Wrong." "I know this." "Hold on." "It's like sink stuff." "Okay, look, there is no aisle ten." "All the aisles are lettered." "I knew that." "It's been like that from the beginning." "I thought you meant something else." "Do me a favor." "Enjoy your birthday." "Blow it out." "Then it's over." "Okay?" "You got it?" "All right." "Happy birthday." "Oh, and we don't sell dish soap." "It's a hardware store." "(line ringing)" "Gary here." "You know what to do." "(line beeps) Gary." "What's up, man?" "It's Perry." "How's it going?" "Hey, today's my birthday, man." "Um, and I'm thinking about having a party, like a daytime blowout kinda party." "So..." "Yeah, dude, um, as soon as you get this, or..." "I'll call you back." "As soon as I get a location, I'll call you back." "It's gonna be sick." "Bye." "¶¶ (rock intro)" "¶ I was sick ¶" "¶ I was losing my mind ¶" "¶ Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah ¶" "¶ Couldn't make it, so I told her why ¶" "¶ Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah ¶" "¶¶ (continues)" "¶ Oh, yeah Oh, yeah ¶" "¶ Sitting all alone in my room ¶" "¶ Shootin' up some glue ¶" "¶ And too crazy to do ¶" "Whoo!" "¶ All right ¶" "¶¶ (ends)" " Hello." " One moment, please, sir." "All right." "Cucumber water?" "Yeah, sure." "Thanks, man." "It's refreshing, isn't it?" "Oh, my God." "It took you a second." "I know." "Christy, what's up?" "Hi!" "How are you?" "Um, I'm..." "I'm good." "You look good." "(scoffs) Well, I don't know." "Uh..." "I mean, how are you?" "You look amazing." "Thanks." "Yeah." "Wow." "So what the hell's going on?" "Um, nothing." "Just working." "What, like, for the hotel or something?" "No, I don't work for the hotel." "I'm just staying here." "I'm just in town." "What about you?" "Me?" "Where do you live?" "You know, still here in the city." "Oh." "You know, doing..." "You're not checking in?" "Um, no, I am checking in, but it's kind of a..." "kind of a long story." "Mmm." "MAN:" "Welcome to The Drake, sir." "Sorry to keep you waiting." "Oh, just give me one second, okay?" "At your leisure." "All right." "Well, I'll let you finish up." "Oh, no, no." "No, no, no." "Um, it's awesome to see you." "You still say "awesome."" "Yeah, yeah." "I guess I kinda do." "Anyway, I'll see you later." "All right." "So what can I help you with?" "Yeah, um, Rup-ert." "Ru-pert." "Oh." "Rupert." "Yeah, I'm looking to get a room." "Oh." "Okay." "Well, let me see what we have available." " Man, I can't believe that." " What's that, sir?" "Oh, I just haven't seen that chick in, like, 15 years." "Chick, sir?" "Oh." "Was she an old flame?" "Something like that." "Yes." "That's nice for you." "All right, well, we have a few options available." "I assume you're looking for a single, sir?" "I don't know, Rupert." "Um, it's kind of a special occasion." "Do you got some kind of a suite?" "A suite?" "Well..." "Yeah." "Well, we have the Presidential, but, uh..." "What's that?" "It's very expensive." "Oh, cool." "Can I take a look at it?" "It's very, very expensive." "Well, I wanna see it." "The Carlyle Suite." "It's occupied." "And here we are." "The Presidential Suite." "Whoa." "Oh, my God." "This is amazing." "Ten presidents have stayed in the suite." "It was last remodeled in 2010, but it was restored to its original design." "Have you ever felt Egyptian cotton?" "What is this, a king size?" "The dining room table is made from mahogany that has been imported from Brazil." "Oh, my God." "There's a kitchen in here?" "Yes." "What's this, a little whiskey?" "Uh, no." "It's not a little whiskey." "This is a Maclarnan Reserve." "Forty-one years." "This is perhaps the greatest whiskey that was ever distilled." "Is it any good?" "No." "No, it's not any good." "It's perfection." "It starts... mellow." "Sweet." "A little fruity." "But you're gonna wanna hang on, 'cause it's about to get bold." "Suddenly, you taste the earth." "It's gritty, like there's dirt in your mouth." "Smoky." "Oaky." "Perfection." "It lingers for just a moment and then seamlessly transitions into a peculiar finish of lemon with a hint of cranberries." "And it's a thousand dollars a bottle." "So let's just leave this here, and let's go find you a deluxe queen with a mini bar." "Well, wait, wait, wait." "How much is this room?" "Two." "Two what?" "2,000." "$2,000 for one night?" "This is not the Sheraton, sir." "No shit, Rupert." "Look, why don't we find you a very nice room but something simpler." "I got an idea." "There's no one here, so is there any wavering on the price?" "(chuckles) No, there's no wavering, sir." "Why is that so funny?" "It's..." "No, it's not funny." "So do you want it?" "Can I do, like, half cash, half credit?" "Gary here." "You know what to do." " (line beeps)" " Gary!" "It's on, dude!" "I'm at the Drake Hotel." "The Presidential Suite!" "And it's pretty sweet, all right." "Hi." "It's Johnny." "Please leave a message." "(line beeps)" "Yo, Johnny, what's up?" "It's Perry." "Hey, I'm having a party." "I'm at the Drake Hotel." "Uh, the Presidential Suite!" "All right, call me." "Bye." "Hi." "This is Pete." "Who are you?" "Leave a message." "Hey, Pete." "What's up, man?" "It's Perry Miller." "Hey, uh, I'm having a rad party today, so give me a call." "Gary here." "You know what to do." "(line beeps)" "Gary." "What's up, man?" "It's Perry calling again." "I don't know if you're getting my messages or what, but, uh, give me a call, man." "I, um, wanna have this party, so..." "All right." "Talk to you later." "Bye." "(imitating engine)" "(imitates crash)" "(toy car clattering) (doorbell rings)" "Who is it?" "MAN:" "Room service!" "Room service?" "I didn't order any room service." "MAN:" "Room service!" "(laughing)" "Hey!" "Gary!" "Birthday guy." "What's up, man?" "Wow." "What's up, Johnny?" "That was me doing room service." "You knew that, right?" "Yeah, yeah." "This is Gypsy." "Hey, welcome to my party." "Wow!" "Are we the first ones here?" "Yeah." "Hey, where's Pete?" "He's hungover, so he can't make it." "Oh." "You have a kitchen in your hotel room?" "Yeah." "Right?" "This is wild, huh?" "Unbelievable." "What's this?" "Uh, probably the finest bottle of scotch ever made." "Guys." "Finest bottle of scotch ever made." "You want a shot?" "JOHNNY:" "Yes!" "Hey." "Gypsy, you want a shot?" "PERRY:" "Gary, you can't do shots of that stuff." "Why not?" "It's like an antique." "You can't just gulp it down." "It's antique alcohol?" "It's a thousand bucks a bottle." "Oh, wow." "I mean, I'm very thirsty, so, you know, you're the host of the party and..." "Very funny." "I'm just kidding around." "It's a joke." "All right?" "We're not doing shots?" "No, we're not doing shots." "Come on, Gary!" "We're not doing shots." "All right, calm down." "Uh, let's get everything started." "Gypsy, you wanna get ready?" "Give him a happy birthday?" "Okay." "Just give me a couple minutes to change." "Who's she?" "Okay, this is a birthday present." "She's a friend of mine, so it's a freebie." "So we're gonna put you..." "What do you mean by "freebie"?" "It means you need to relax." "Hey, Gypsy, where should I put him?" "Should I put him here?" "Fine." "All right." "So sit here." "Just relax." "Is she gonna strip?" "No, I think she might just read us the Bible." "(laughs)" "Yeah, she's gonna strip." "She's a stripper." "That's what she does." "All right?" "You rent out this huge suite." "We're gonna play Scrabble?" "Man, come on." "You know, you don't wanna do shots of scotch, okay?" "It's too expensive, right?" "Have a beer, okay?" "All right." "Chill out." "Okay, all right." "We're your friends, okay?" "She'll do anything you want." "You want a hummer?" "Dude, don't say that." "That's someone's daughter." "Shut it!" "Have a good time." "This is a party." "All right?" "This is for you." "You wanted to go crazy, right?" "Yeah." "Well, this is going crazy." "All right, Gypsy, you ready?" "Dude, if you don't want the hummer, I'll take it." "That'll be the one freebie." "All right?" "For me?" "Yeah." "You ready for this?" "Whoo!" "Mm-hmm." "(Gary chuckles) Yeah." "JOHNNY:" "Oh, man." "Oh!" " Do you dare touch it?" " (Johnny chuckles)" "Sure." "Why not?" "No, no, no." "Guess not." "JOHNNY:" "Whoo!" "Do you need music?" "Do we have music around?" "GYPSY:" "Mm-hmm." "¶¶ (beatboxing)" "¶¶ (beatboxing)" "GYPSY:" "Thank you." "¶¶ (continues)" " Does that sound right?" " ¶¶ (continues)" "Hey, do you mind using a coaster?" "(laughs)" "Seriously, can you put a coaster under that?" "JOHNNY:" "Dude, are you serious?" "Yeah." "Here, you too." "They're not even open." "You gotta." "JOHNNY:" "Are you insane?" "Take the beers off the table." "It doesn't matter." "There's a show going on." "Do it." "Here." "One second." "JOHNNY:" "Are you insane?" " Is this a joke?" " Stop!" "Stop!" "I'll do it." "My table at home is full of rings." "My kid never uses a coaster." "There's a beautiful woman right there." "Okay." "All right." "¶¶ (beatboxing)" "Look that way." "That's for you!" "Yeah!" "Fun!" "¶¶ (continues)" "Yeah, hold on." "Give me one minute, okay?" "I'll be right back." "What are you doing to me?" "There's a woman right... (door opens)" "I'm sorry." "(door closes)" "Oh, my God." "What the hell is the matter with you?" "All you ever talk about is hanging out with your buddies, and now you're acting like a total freak." "I mean, God, what the hell?" "Hey." "What's your problem?" "Nothing, man." "I'm fine." "You're fine?" "Yeah." ""Use a coaster"?" "You sound like my mom." "When you're in dad mode, you just think about stuff like that." "This isn't about you being a dad." "This is about you celebrating 40 years." "Forty years." "Think about that." "Right?" "It's party time." "You gotta celebrate that." "You can't get that time back." "That should make you a little insane." "Oh, man." "You're right." "Dude, my life is so straight now." "I..." "I watch House Hunters ten times a week." "Dude, I'm this close to losing my shit right now." "Then lose it." "Just lose your shit." "I'm gonna lose my shit." "You wanna lose your shit?" "Yeah." "Let's lose it." "Let's go insane." "Okay." "Let's do it." "You deserve it." "Right." "Celebrate it." "You're right." "All right?" "I miss the band, man." "Mm-hmm." "I just wanna get the band back on again." "I know." "So here's what we're gonna do." "Let's lay it down like there's no tomorrow." "All right." "All right?" " I know." " I'm with you." "All right." "I'm in." "Feeling good?" "I'm in." "Honestly, I feel great." "Gypsy, let's go." "He's ready for some sexy-ass dancing." "All right." "You know what?" "I got something I gotta say." "GARY:" "Oh, speech." "(Johnny chuckles)" "I'm gonna sit down." "We haven't hung out in a while, so this is special." "All right." "I may have a bad back that aches every morning when I have to get out of bed." "I might have a wife and two kids and a mortgage to pay." "But you know what?" "There is a damn good chance that that TV flies out the window today." "That's what I'm talking about, man!" " Out the goddamn window!" " Yes!" "Like the old days!" "The old days!" "GARY:" "Yes, that's it!" "And I don't need a coaster!" "You're a punk." "Look at that." "That's gonna leave a huge ring." "(cell phone ringing) Ring that shit!" "Tremendous." "Hold on." "My phone's ringing." "So what?" "(ringing) It's my wife." "(snickers) Don't answer it." "I'm sure it's nothing." "(ringing)" "Hey, baby." "Why aren't you at the house right now?" "The house?" "My parents are waiting at the house, Perry." "They're locked out." "Remember?" "You're supposed to let them in at your lunch break." "Oh, damn it." "Oh, God..." "I'm so sorry." "Okay." "I'll be right there." "Okay?" "I'm sorry." "Bye." "My in-laws are locked out." "So what?" "I don't care." "I have to let them in." "I told you not to answer the phone, dumb-ass." "I know." "(sighs) I have to let them back in." "Can't they just break in or something?" "Give me a break." "They can't break in the house." "Well, you've got people here and everything." "Well, just make yourselves at home." "Just hang out." "Watch TV or something." "But, hey, don't touch the mini bar." "Okay?" "Because I already ate, like, a $10 box of Twizzlers." "You're being a very bad host." "All right, I'll be right back." "We just got here!" "Well, I can see I'm gonna have to clean out these gutters while we're here." "And fix that mailbox." "And what's with all the trash in the driveway?" "Maybe you should just clean it up and not say anything, Walt." "Is that him?" "Yep." "WALT:" "Look at his pants." "Hey." "Hey, guys." "Oh, man, I'm so sorry I'm late." "Hey, Joan." "Hi, Perry." "Hey, Walt." "Perry." "PERRY:" "There we go." "All right." "I'm just gonna let you in and..." "Let me get that for you." "Thank you." "You bet." "I only got a second." "I gotta get back to work." "(exhales) Jesus." "Back to work." "You know, if you used coasters, you wouldn't get marks on the table like this." "Oh, yeah." "I tell Salome all the time, but she doesn't always get it." "You know, I've been thinking." "Maybe I should take a crack at that playhouse out there." "What do you mean?" "Just spruce it up a little, make it look like an actual house." "Never mind." "Maybe I shouldn't say anything." "What are you talking about, Walt?" "Nothing!" "Forget it." "You promised." "(sighs) You're right, Joanie." "Listen." "(whispering)" "Yes, but..." "(whispering continues) Please, try to be nice." "Okay?" "WALT:" "I don't mean to be critical, but, you know, your effort is just kind of..." "lacking." "Walt." "I think Salome likes the house." "He means you didn't put your heart into it." "But that's okay." "Not everyone is good at putting their heart into things." "I'm sorry I'm not a professional wood person." "I know." "We can work on it together." "You wanna help me?" "JOAN:" "That's a great idea." "You know, that is a great idea, but I have to..." "All right." "So we'll get dessert then, right?" "Yes." "That's the whole... (knocking) Coaster, please." "Yeah, hold on." "Hey, Pete." "How you feeling?" "I need a drink." "Yes, you do." "There's a little mini bar over there." "I like your glasses very much." "Hello." "Oh, hi." "Uh, come on in, ladies." "Make yourself at home." "Yeah, seriously, I gotta get back to work." "Hi, guys." "Not now, Joan." "We're in the middle of something." "I just wanna talk to Perry." "Can't it wait?" "Perry, you'll have to show us Salome's fancy new guitar." "Didn't you guys get her a new guitar for the talent show?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, we did." "Well, where is it?" "Uh..." "You..." "I got it." "He probably lost it." "No, I didn't lose it." "Well, then, where is it, Perry?" "(cell phone rings) Um..." "Can you guys give me just one second?" "(ringing)" "(ringing) Hey." "Hey, are you coming back or what?" "Yeah, I'm coming back." "Hey have you seen a guitar around there?" "A guitar?" "Uh, I see no guitar." "Are you sure?" "It's got a dinosaur on it." "I'm very sure I see no guitar or a dinosaur." "Hey, I got a question." "Is it okay if we put in an order for, uh, room service?" "Room service?" "Maybe just a couple simple things." "Maybe some pizza, some BLT's kind of thing." "No, man." "That shit's expensive." "Oh, yeah." "But the thing is, you know, we're very hungry." "Why didn't you eat before you came?" "Because it's a birthday party." "There's food at parties." "Are you sure we can't put an order in?" "Because the thing is, I already placed one and everything." "What?" "No, man." "Call them back and cancel." "I don't think they allow you to do that." "You know what?" "They're delivering it right now." "Gary!" "Sorry, man." "We got hungry." "Ah, goddamn it, Gary." "Don't do anything else." "I'll be right back." "Did you find the guitar, Perry?" "Yeah." "It's... (sighs)" "I know where it is." "Oh, shit." "The garbage was today." "I didn't put it out." "It..." "I'll see you." "I told you he lost it." "Hey, Denise." "Have you seen a guitar around here?" "I put it in the office." "(sighs) Oh, my God." "I thought I lost it." "But Jake's having a meeting in there." "JAKE:" "Yeah." "Sounds incredible." "I just, uh..." "This is clear that..." "Perry." "Hey, what's up?" "What are you doing here?" "I was looking for Salome's guitar." "You see it around?" "Right over there." "(sighs) Am I interrupting something?" "No." "No, man." "Uh, we're just, uh..." "just talking." "You remember Drew, our lawyer." "How you doing, Perry?" "What are you guys talking about?" "Uh, we were..." "Why don't you have a seat, Perry?" "Uh, so..." "in your father's will, where he left you guys the business, he also included a little provision pertaining to your stake in the ownership." "What little provision?" "Basically, if I feel like you're not pulling your weight," "I have the option of buying you out of the company." "Buying me out?" "Yeah." "What does that mean?" "That means that you wouldn't work here anymore." "Or receive any of the profits." "Well, what would I do then?" "And what does that mean for me?" "First of all, you'd get a nice chunk of money." "Oh, yeah." "And then you'd have to find another job." "What if I don't feel like you're pulling your weight?" "Me?" "You." "I mean, that's not..." "It doesn't seem like that's an option." "I am pulling my weight." "If I may, gentlemen." "Actually, he didn't actually stipulate for Jake's weight." "Oh, my God." "That figures." "He always liked hanging out with you more anyway." "That's not true." "I think it..." "You know, it's just..." "Jake's older." "What?" "He's not older." "No, I'm younger." "Oh." "Sorry." "I..." "I thought you..." "You seemed older, so..." "Got it." "Yeah, we got that." "You actually seemed younger, Perry, so I..." "No, dude." "I'm the older brother." "He's the older brother." "Drew, you wanna give me a second with my brother?" "Sure." "Step outside." "No problem." "Thank you." "It was great to see you." "You too, guys." "Just go upstairs, and I'll be up there in a second." "(chuckles)" "(footsteps)" "He doesn't know what he's talking about." "You're seriously thinking about buying me out of the family business?" "Hold on a second, okay?" "I'm trying to help you." "That's all." "Of course you're gonna take it like I'm doing something personal to you, and I'm not." "I just..." "I look at you and, you know, you remind me of one of those days when it's rainy and sunny at the same time." "You know what I'm saying?" "What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about that I think you're confused, Perry." "I am not confused." "I think you're very, very, very confused." "I am not confused." "I like rainy, sunny days." "They're weird." "No, not rainy, sunny days." "I'm talking about a sunny, rainy day." "What's the difference?" "I'm talking about a day that's raining, but there's bits of sun." "It's mostly sheets of rain." "You're confused." "And you're confusing everyone around you." "Are you happy or sad?" "It's coming down." "Forget it." "Look, just be a regular day." "You know?" "Like everyone else." "I mean, I feel..." "Look, I'm gonna be honest with you." "I feel like you're scared." "You're scared to live in the normal world like the rest of us." "You've always been like that." "What am I supposed to say to Karen?" "Don't worry about Karen." "I talked to Karen." "She supports this." "You talked to my wife about firing me?" "I talked to your wife about her opinion, not about firing you." "I'm not firing you." "If you wanna do this..." "If you can fully commit to the hardware store..." "No." "You don't, right?" "No, no." "You're right." "I don't." "Full-heartedly commit to the hardware store..." "You're right." "Whatever." "I'm a rainy, sunny day, Jake." "You're a sunny, rainy day." "I'm a sunny, rainy day." "Yes, yes." "You're confusing." "Whatever." " I'm outta here." " You're confusing me." "You say you wanna do it, then you don't." "I'm outta here." "Perry..." "I love you too." "Perry, come on." "Don't do this." "You're an asshole." "(sighs) Perry!" "Perry!" "Perry?" "MAN:" "Perry!" "There he is." "Oh..." "What's up, big man?" "Hey." "I..." "I gotta go." "I gotta go." "Hey, what do you think?" "Snow blowers?" "Snow shovels?" "What do you recommend?" "I have no idea." "Ask my brother." "Do you like poker?" "We got a game tonight." "No, I don't really play poker." "You gotta play." "You gotta play." "It's easy." "Guys, we..." "Honestly, we have nothing in common." "Or we have everything in common. (Chuckles)" "That's another way to look at it." "Yeah." "The way our kids do everything together." "They go to school together, play together, do dance together." "Overnights." "Overnights." "Birthday parties." "Soccer practice." "I see this guy 12 times a week." "You think I like him?" "I don't like him." "He's a nerd." " I don't like him either." " Oh, man." "But we share a common bond." "I gotta go." "Yeah." "(horn honks)" "(horns honking)" "CHRISTY:" "Perry!" "(sighs) Hi again." "Hey, how's it going?" "(chuckles) You okay?" "Not really." "I'm just running around right now." "So..." "Oh, shit." "What?" "Oh, my God." "That's Joan Jett." "Yeah, I know." "No, no, no, no." "It's Joan Jett." "That's why I'm here." "I'm her manager." "She has a show tonight." "What?" "Yeah." "You didn't want to lead with that earlier?" "Can I introduce you?" "This is a really old friend of mine, Perry." " Sure." " Oh, hey." "How you doing?" "Pleasure to meet you." "Nice to meet you." "Pleasure to meet you too." "Yeah." "My mother-in-law's name is Joan." "(soft chuckle)" "(groans)" "We should get going." "The car's outside, so..." "All right." "See you, Perry." "Have a good day." "Say hi to your mother-in-law." "I will." "Oh, God." ""My mother-in-law's name is Joan"?" "Jesus Christ." "Oh, Mr. Miller." "How are you enjoying your stay?" "Yeah." "Uh, it's..." "Great." "Listen, I see you're carrying a guitar and I just wanted to inform you that the hotel has a strict no-party policy." "Uh-huh." "I'm not having a party." "Great." "Because if there is any damage done to that hotel room... we will prosecute." "(scoffs) Okay, cool." "(panting)" "(laughter)" "¶¶ (rock)" "(dog barking) Oh, my God." "Finally, bro." "WOMAN:" "Whoo!" "(man shouting)" "Gary!" "What the hell is going on?" "What do you mean?" "Who are these people?" "Friends." "Whose friends?" "People's friends, friends of friends." "I don't know." "So they're strangers, basically." "Well, not to each other." "You wanted to have a party." "This is a party." "Oh, look who's here." "Pete!" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Oh, oh." "Lordy, Lordy, look who's 40." "Yeah, yeah, it happens." "Hey, Pete, how you doing?" "You got a hangover?" "Yeah." "It's good." "I concocted a remedy." "It's scotch and tomato juice." "That sounds disgusting." "It's better if you use a really good scotch." "Which this is amazing shit." "Have you tried this?" "Oh, my God." "You drank the scotch?" "I had to." "I had a hangover." " Gary, what did I say?" " I don't know." " I said don't drink the scotch!" " Okay, I'm sorry." "Oh, you're sorry?" "Oh, great." "Oh, my God." "(shouts) Everybody shut up!" "Hey!" "Don't scream at everybody!" "You tryin' to freak everybody out?" "Calm down." "Have a beer." "There we go." "So much nicer." "How's that feel?" "(burps) I need a nap." "Hey, you know, you've really changed." "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" "You're just no fun anymore." "(door closes)" "(inaudible)" "Perry?" "Perry." "(whispers) Perry." "Wake up." "Hey, what's happening?" "Hi." "How's your birthday going?" "Oh, man, it sucks ass." "(chuckles)" "What time is it?" "It's about 5:30." "Is it still going on?" "Oh, yeah." "There's like 100 people out there." "(scoffs) How long have you been sleeping?" "Oh, God." "I don't know." "Like a couple hours or something." "(scoffs)" "Oh, my God, my neck." "What?" "Let me rub it for you." "No." "Oh." "That's awesome." "Oh, I brought you something." "Happy birthday." "What is this?" "It's tickets for Joan's show tonight." "No way!" "Really?" "Yeah." "With backstage passes." "You should come and hang out with me." "Yeah." "Yeah." "So, how are things?" "How's your life?" "How have you been?" "Things." "Things are..." "Things are good." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "That's good." "I mean, seems a little weird." "You got this really nice hotel room." "There's a bunch of people out there partying, but you're in here taking a nap." "So... what's really going on?" "Oh, I don't know." "I don't know what the hell I'm doing." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "I don't know." "I..." "I think I'm going through some kinda, like, mid-life freak-out or something." "(chuckles) Yeah, it's like..." "I'm just thinking about the path not taken." "Mmm." "Like what?" "(scoffs) Oh, just stupid shit." "Like how we should have never signed that stupid record deal." "I put everything I had into that record, and then they just totally dumped it." "Yeah." "They did." "I really loved that record though." "Really?" "I thought it was really great." "Wow." "Thanks." "Mmm." "I think about you a lot." "Really?" "Yeah." "I knew it was your birthday." "I didn't know it was today exactly, but..." "I always know this time of year, when the weather changes." "Always reminds me." "What do you think about?" "I think you're my path not taken." "(chuckles) Get outta town." "(chuckles)" "Really?" "Yeah." "We had so much fun together." "You just have this really great way of sort of making everything really exciting and each moment always just felt so alive and..." "I'm not like that anymore." "Yeah, you are." "You are." "I can tell." "Well, I don't know." "I loved how you'd always play me your songs first." "(chuckles) I always got to be the first person to hear 'em." "(sighs)" "(sighs) Oh, my gosh." "That was a long time ago." "Mmm." "Do you still write music?" "Yeah, sometimes." "When I'm not totally exhausted." "(inhales) You smell the same." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Christy." "Yeah?" "I can't go there." "I can't go there." "I'm s..." "No, no, no." "No, no, no." "No, no, no, no." "Do you wanna, like, hear a new song?" "I have a new song." "Really?" "Really." "Okay." "Okay, hold on one second." "Capo." "(chuckles)" "(exhales) All right." "I don't know what I'm doing." "Here we go." "¶ Where can I find the city of shining light ¶" "¶ In an ordinary world?" "¶" "¶ How can I leave a buried treasure behind ¶" "¶ In an ordinary world?" "¶" "¶ The days into years roll by ¶" "¶ It's well that I live until I die ¶" "¶ Ordinary world ¶" "¶ Mmm ¶" "¶ What would you wish if you saw a shooting star ¶" "(phone chirps) ¶ In an ordinary world?" "¶" "¶ I'd drive to the end of the earth and afar ¶" "¶ In an ordinary world ¶" " ¶ Maybe I don't have much... ¶ - (phone chirps)" "Just ignore that." "I'm sorry." "I think you got a text." "I know, but it's... stupid." "Don't even..." "We can do this another time." "No, I'm sorry about that." "I didn't..." "Please." "No, please, come on." "Please." "No, that's cool." "No, Perry, I swear." "I loved it." "It's okay." "I loved it." "Please finish." "It's all good." "I feel like Joan would really love it." "I would love to play this for her." "(door opens)" " Dude, wake up!" " I am awake." "Good news." "The band is gonna play." "Really?" "Yeah." "We're setting up right now." "Holy shit." "(panting)" "MAN:" "Two-two-two two-A." "Thanks for coming, you guys." "Uh, where's Perry?" "Where's Perry?" "Perry, get out of that bedroom!" "WOMAN:" "Perry!" "GARY:" "Wanna hear some music?" "Yeah!" "Very important to get your rest these days." "There's a handicapped ramp over here if you wanna... (chuckles)" "My friend here had the audacity to turn 40 today." "MAN:" "No!" "Four-zero." "Ahh!" "Timber!" "(chuckles) This guy, we love him." "I love him." "He's the best." "He's got a new job right now." "What is it you're doing?" "You're changing baby diapers and filling up baby bottles?" "GUESTS:" "Aww." "I'm telling you, this guy..." "I am a witness to this." "He was a lunatic." "He was nuts." "He was crazy." "All right, this guy right here was rock 'n' roll to the core." "Still am!" "(microphone feedback)" " Yeah!" " (chuckles)" " You're looking good, though." " Come on, man." "Let's do this!" "You see the wrinkles up close." "Wait!" "He needs his guitar!" "What's that?" "We have a guitar on its way here." "What is this?" "Hold on, man." "That's my daughter's guitar." "Be careful." " What is it?" " Oh." "I'm so sorry." "Yes, we've got children's music for you today." "A dinosaur." "(scattered laughter)" "(bumps) Easy." "That's my daughter's guitar, man." "Rock and roll!" "Dinosaurs." "Gary, come on, man." "(laughs)" "Sit there, man." "Pull up a chair so he can see." "I want him to see the band." "I am looking for Señor Newt." "Newt, where are you?" "There he is." "Get up here!" "(cheering)" "MAN:" "Go, Newt!" "Let's do this." "Shut up!" "What's going on?" "Who the hell is this guy?" "That's Newt." "Is he..." "Is he in the band?" "Yeah." "You're not gonna wanna stand there, buddy." " When the hell did this happen?" " Are you kidding?" "I'm not in the band?" " You haven't been in the band." " Get off the stage, old man!" "Shut up!" "Get out of my room!" " Asshole, it's my room!" " ¶¶ (heavy rock)" " ¶¶ (drums pounding) - (cheering)" "(screaming) ¶ No one wants to hang out with me ¶" "¶ Like I'm a social disease ¶" "¶ With a mental deficiency ¶" "¶ I got a growth on my lip and my face ¶" "¶¶ (continues)" "¶ But it's bleeding like an open sore ¶" "¶¶ (continues)" "¶ I look so repulsive I look so repulsive ¶" "¶ I got such a fever ¶" "¶ Breaking out is useless ¶" "¶ Have my nervous breakdown It's my mental shakedown ¶" "¶¶ (continues)" "(growls)" "¶¶ (continues)" "¶ That I wander through the city ¶" "That's my daughter's guitar!" "(grunting)" "(grunting)" "¶ I look so repulsive ¶" "¶ I look so repulsive ¶" "¶ I got such a fever ¶" "Everybody out." "(amplifiers crackle)" "What?" "What?" "What?" "You're a communist!" "Get off of me!" "RUPERT:" "The party is over." "Everybody out!" "I told you." "No parties." "Get him in the bedroom." "Get them into the bedroom." "Cops are on their way." "Salome, come on, babe." "We're gonna be late!" "I'm right here, Mom." "Oh, good." "Where's Dad at?" "I don't know, hon." "I'm having trouble getting ahold of him." "Well, can I call him?" "Yes, sure." "In the car." "Come on, guys." "Mom, Dad!" "(vacuum whirring) GARY:" "What is your problem?" "You say you wanna have a party." "Then when it happens, you're all bent out of shape." "Well, maybe if you invited some people I know, Gary." "What?" "You think I wanted to spend my entire Tuesday organizing a birthday party?" "I wake up to your voice mails." "You're all fired up, ready to go, ready to burn down the city, so I drop everything for you." "I gotta say." "It's very typical of you." "What do you mean, typical?" "This is just what you do." "I mean, I should have learned my lesson years ago when you walked out on the band." "(scoffs)" "I did not walk out on the band." "You walked out..." "You know you did." "I did not walk out on the band." "Are you kidding me?" "What was it then?" "Gary, I had a kid." "Mm-hmm." "We were having a baby." "We had to take a break." "It was just a hiatus." "It was a hiatus?" "Yeah." "Give me a break." "How long is that hiatus?" "Forever?" "You remember the tour?" "Right?" "With Mudhoney." "You remember that?" "Thirty cities." "That would have been huge for us." "It was all lined up." "Do you ever think about what that could have led to?" "Every day." "Yeah." "A million things." "You know, we could have been touring right now." "I mean, we struggled for how many years together?" "You know, I put my heart and soul into the band." "And..." "I was counting on you." "I don't know." "I guess I just never understood the whole kid thing." "(door opens)" "You can go." "Gary. (Sighs) I'm sorry." "It's okay." "I'm over it." "Hey, you want these tickets?" "To what?" "Joan Jett." "I can't go." "I got a talent show for my kid." "Hell, yes." "Thank you very much." "Yeah." "You know, we should play sometime." "Just get together and jam." "Yeah, man." "That's all I wanna do anyway." "Yeah, that's so great." "Come on." "Let's go." "You're free." "Oh, not you, Mr. Miller." "Cuff him." "Yep." " What?" " All right, turn around." "You gotta be kidding me." "I..." "Can you get my cell phone out?" "I warned you, Mr. Miller." "Have a seat." "(sighs)" "I gotta call my wife." "Dude, I need to make a call." " Wait here." " (sighs)" "I need to call my wife." "(line ringing)" " (cell phone ringing) - (scoffs) God!" "I gotta call my wife." "Perry, call me." "This is ridiculous." "We need the guitar." "Get over here." "Where is the guitar?" "Hi." "Can you tell me when Salome Miller is?" "Uh, seventh." "Seventh." "C-Could she go last?" "Yeah, sure." "Great, thank you." "You're going last." "Last but not least." "Are you okay, Mom?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "No, I'm..." "Know what?" "Maybe I'm a little nervous, but it's just because I'm so proud of you." "It's not because Dad's not here?" "No." "No." "Come on." "Shit." " Well, I'll be damned." " Dean!" "I heard "Perry Miller" on my radio, and I thought it might be you." "(sighs) Man, I'm so stupid." "I had a party." "It got out of hand." "Stupid, that's right." "Let me talk to him." "Wait, wait, wait!" "Can you get my pho..." "Aw." "Ten minutes, you guys." "Ten minutes." "Ten minutes?" "I'm gonna go back to the car and get your dad's guitar." "Just in case." "Okay?" "I'll be right back." "(giggling)" " Okay, Miller." " All right, Perry." "PERRY:" "Oh." "Thanks, Dean." "Don't thank me." "Thank this nice gentlemen here for showing you some compassion." "Thanks, Rupert." "Happy birthday, Mr. Miller." "Talent show." "(sighs) Man, thank you so much for getting me out of that." "They're gonna send you a bill for the damages." "I'm screwed." "Yep." "Perry." "Perry!" "Oh, hey, Christy." "What's going on?" "Are you okay?" "Perry." "Oh, it's fine." " He's a friend of mine." " Oh." "Salome." "Okay." "Break legs." "(kisses)" "(sighs)" "Look, I'm sorry." "I can't stop thinking about that song." "I really love it, and I want Joan to hear it." "Could you play it for her?" "Perry!" "It's starting, man." "I-I gotta go." "I cannot miss this." "(applause) (woman speaks, indistinct)" "(siren wails)" "¶¶ (classical)" "(exhales) (snoring lightly)" "(whispers) Sorry I'm late." "Where have you been?" "Has she gone up yet?" "She's up next." "Where's the new guitar?" "(Simon fusses)" "Perry." "Does she have my old one?" "I can't believe you." "(applause)" "(babbling)" "(plucks string)" "Hey, my name is Salome Miller." "This is a song that my dad taught me." "I think because it's about him, so..." "¶ Look me in the eyes ¶" "¶ And tell me I'm satisfied ¶" "¶ Are you satisfied?" "¶" "¶ Look me in the eyes ¶" "¶ And tell me I'm satisfied ¶" "¶ Are you satisfied?" "¶" "¶ Everything goes so slowly on ¶" "¶ Everything I've ever wanted ¶" "¶ Tell me what's wrong ¶" "¶ I'm so ¶" "¶ I'm so ¶" "¶ Unsatisfied ¶" "¶ I'm so ¶" "¶ Unsatisfied ¶" "KAREN:" "So proud of you." "SALOME:" "Go!" "(chattering)" "You are amazing." "Are you happy with it?" "I'm proud of you." "It was fun." "I love watching you play." "I love you." "Can I come in?" "Oh, look." "It's Mr. Forgetful." "Oh, yeah." "Mmm." "In case you can't remember, your name is Perry Miller, and this is your house, and this is your daughter's bedroom." "I feel terrible." "Okay." "(scoffs)" "Great song, kiddo." "It was all right." "All right?" "I'm so proud of you." "I'm really sorry about the guitar." "It really sucked, Dad." "I told all my friends about the new guitar." "You did?" "(sighs)" "Well, just to let you know, I'm not unsatisfied." "Sometimes you're just not there." "Like this morning." "I was late to school because you were, like, playing your guitar." "And... you always say we're supposed to support each other in this family." "(sighs) You're right." "I let you down." "But you know what?" "It'll never happen again, okay?" "Hey, look at me." "I'm serious." "It will never happen again." "Okay." "By the way, how was career day?" "I just said you were in a band." "Really?" "(sighs) I'm not really in a band anymore." "Unless you wanna start a band with me." "Really?" "Hell, yeah." "I don't have a guitar." "Oh, yeah." "Well, we'll figure something out." "Okay." "I might be in a band with you." "(chuckles) Cool." "Hey, by the way, how pissed is Mom?" "About a six or a seven." "That's it?" "I think she's just glad you made it." "(scoffs) Yeah." "Me too." "Are we cool?" "Yeah." "You sure?" "Yeah." "Okay." "All right, get some sleep, okay?" "Okay." "Wow." "Big improvement on mine." "Really big improvement." "(creaks)" "What do you think?" "It's really cool, man." "It's a good job, Dad." "Well, look inside." "Oh, I love it!" "Wow." "This is amazing." "It's pretty good." "But it's not finished yet." "I'm sorry about the guitar." "I know you're pissed." "I don't blame you." "Oh, you don't blame me?" "No." "(laughs)" "Well, thank you, Perry." "Thank you for not blaming me for you losing the guitar." "(chuckles)" "Did Jake talk to you?" "About me?" "He always talks about you." "No, but did you know he was gonna fire me?" "'Cause he fired me." "Yeah." "Yeah, he did say something." "Yeah." "And I thought it was a good idea." "Get you out from under the store." "So you guys were talking about me?" "No." "I mean, I guess, you know, sort of." "Maybe." "Maybe a little bit." "You know, but, Perry, you hate that job." "Now you can do something that inspires you." "Yeah, it sucks you guys were talking about me." "No, no, no, no." "It was a brief phone call." "He said he would discuss it with you." "I didn't know he'd do it today." "I thought he'd wait after your birthday." "Well, he did it today." "On my birthday." "Today is not your birthday." "(scoffs) Karen." "I hate to break it to you, but today is my birthday and you forgot." "I'm not even mad." "I don't know." "I mean, I guess I did kinda flip out, and I feel bad about that." "I spent a few thousand dollars." "What?" "I know." "I think I'm going through some kind of mid-life crisis." "Normally I wouldn't even care if you forgot my birthday." "Today is not your birthday." "Today is the 16th." "Tomorrow is your birthday." "What?" "No, it's not." "I..." "Didn't we talk about Salome's talent show was on the same day as my birthday?" "We had that conversation." "Yes." "Because originally it was." "They had to move it back, because there's a PTA thing at the school tomorrow." "Today is the 16th." "Tomorrow is your birthday." "Oh, shit." "You spent a few thousand dollars?" " On what?" " A hotel room and stuff." "I'm sorry." "I didn't know." "You're lucky Jake is giving you some money." "Karen, wait." "Oh." "(thunder rumbles)" "(raindrops pattering)" "DEAN:" "Okay." "You can't play if you don't know the rules." "You don't know the rules." "I know all of the rules." "This happens every single week." "Hey, guys." "DEAN:" "Whoa, whoa." "Shut up." " Somebody said something." " I didn't hear anything." "Guys, down here." " JOE:" "Hey." " PERRY:" "Hey." "DEAN:" "What the hell you doing in there?" "Just thinking." "TED:" "We were wondering if you're up for poker." "Oh, not tonight, man." "I got a little family issue I gotta take care of." "Fallout from today?" "Yeah." "Thanks for bailing me out, by the way." "No, man, it was easy." "Hey, but next week, I'm in." "Oh, you're in?" "Yeah, I'm in." "I'm in the Dad's Group, if you'll have me." "Yeah." "Yeah, we accept criminals." "Yeah, we'll make an exception." "Good to have you aboard, sir." "Good." "TED:" "He's in the group." "DEAN:" "Yeah." "Let's go get some doughnuts." "JOE:" "How many are we gonna get?" "DEAN:" "We should form a doo-wop group." "What do you think?" "A doo-wop group?" "Anybody?" "Hey, it's the birthday boy." "Hey, Walt." "Did Karen go to bed?" "Yeah." "She was all fired up." "Sounds like you're in the doghouse." "Yeah." " You want a drink?" " Um, yeah, sure." "Why not?" "You know, Perry, I've been a little hard on you sometimes, but I just want you to know," "I really appreciate how much you love and care for my daughter." "Thanks, Walt." "Yeah, I think I screwed up pretty big this time." "Have you apologized to her?" "Oh, yeah." "Mmm." "Then I'll tell you what you do." "You go upstairs and tell her you're sleeping on the couch." "You just grab your pillow and say, "Hey, honey, I'm sorry." "I'll just give you a little space." "I'll sleep on the couch tonight."" "(whispers) I don't wanna sleep on the couch." "Don't worry." "You won't have to." "She'll forgive you on the spot." "Trust me." "I've done it a thousand times." "Hmm." "(knocking)" "Hey." "You know, I was thinking, um..." "Maybe I should sleep on the couch tonight." "The couch?" "Yeah, I figured I'd give you your space and..." "I'll just grab my pillow and sleep on the couch." "Did my dad tell you to say that?" "No." "Hmm." "Sounds like something my dad would say." "Yeah, he did." "Hmm." "Well, that's not gonna work with me." "So enjoy the couch." "All right." "(sighs)" "KAREN:" "How's the couch?" "Sucks." "I'm sorry." "Do you think this is something we could look back on and laugh about someday?" "I have to be mad first." "How long is that gonna take?" "Long." "So this means I get a free pass, right?" "A freak-out pass?" "If I ever decide to go off the deep end." "Sure, you can freak out if you want to." "Just let me know in advance." "You don't want the whole house to burn down, do you?" "You know what freaks me out?" "We're parents." "Us." "Parents." "(chuckles)" "I know." "It's, like, really weird, right?" "For their entire lives, we're gonna be their mom and dad." "And when they go off to college and they think about home, they're gonna think about us." "When they get older and have kids, we're gonna be these wise old grandparents." "But the truth is, we're not wise." "We're just a couple of people who met on the subway." "(scoffs) We're not parents." "(chuckles) You are." "You're good at it." "You're, like, Mom 101." "I'm just making stuff up." "No, you're not." "I'm acting like a mom so they'll let me be in charge." "Well, that's smart." "That's what makes you a natural." "Ohh." "I'm glad it looks that way." "You know, you don't have to freak out, babe." "Okay." "Neither do you." "I don't want you to take this the wrong way." "But wanna watch House Hunters and get it on?" "How am I supposed to take that?" "Just 'cause it's your 40th birthday." "It's not because you love me?" "Because I love you." "I might love you." "Well, you have to because we have two kids." "Perry, you have two kids." "I have three." "(chuckles) What?" "What are you talking about?" "Are you talking about me?" "(chuckles) What are you talkin' about?" "SALOME:" "Dad!" "(SIMON fussing)" "SIMON:" "Dad!" "Dad!" "Hey, what's up, homey?" "How are you doing?" "Yeah!" "Oh!" "Let me see." "Hold it." "Oh!" "All right." "Let's go." "¶ Where can I find the city of shining light ¶" "¶ In an ordinary world?" "¶" "¶ How can I leave a buried treasure behind ¶" "¶ In an ordinary world?" "¶" "¶ The days into years roll by ¶" "¶ It's well that I live until I die ¶" "¶ Ordinary world ¶" "¶ Mmm ¶" "¶ What would you wish if you saw a shooting star ¶" "¶ In an ordinary world?" "¶" "¶ I'd walk to the end of the earth and afar ¶" "¶ In an ordinary world ¶" "What do you guys wanna listen to?" "The Beatles?" "No, I want to listen to Dad's band." "Me too." "Les Skunks!" "Really?" "I want you to play "Devil's Kind." I love that song." "She listens to it all the time." "All right!" "Les Skunks it is." "Yeah!" "Happy birthday." "¶¶ (rock intro)" "¶ Puke stains and cigarettes ¶" "¶ The party is in my pocket ¶" "¶ I'm lookin' for a drink ¶" "¶ And a couch to call my own ¶" "¶ Give me a bump and I will come ¶" "¶ And whisper dirty lies ¶" "¶ The rapture in your ear ¶" "¶ And we'll both be terrified ¶" "¶ Bloodshot eyes and you're peppermint ¶" "¶ We could run like dogs from the devil ¶" "¶ Give me one last try ¶" "¶ For your love tonight ¶" "¶ I'll be the king forever ¶" "¶ And you can be my sunshine ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ And now I won't back down ¶" "¶ I said I won't back down ¶" "¶ I am the devil's kind ¶" "¶ Take me into the water ¶" "¶ And pull me from the slaughter ¶" "¶ Because I've got the shakes ¶" "¶ And I'm so petrified ¶" "¶ Bloodshot eyes and you're peppermint ¶" "¶ We can run like dogs from the devil ¶" "¶ Give me one last try for your love tonight ¶" "¶ I'll be the king forever ¶" "¶ And you can be my sunshine ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ And now I won't back down ¶" "¶ I said I won't back down ¶" "¶ I am the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ We are the devil's kind ¶" "¶ And now I won't back down ¶" "¶ I said I won't back down ¶" "¶ I am the dev... kind ¶" "¶¶ (ends)" "¶ She knits me a plastic purple sweater ¶" "¶ I'm staring blankly to the sky ¶" "¶ All right ¶" "¶ She reads me like a scarlet letter ¶" "¶ She holds my heart and arms to die ¶" "¶ All right ¶" "¶ Sometimes it ain't so bad ¶" "¶ Like a soul lies on a slab ¶" "¶ This is my life in a body bag ¶" "¶ She's got a diary of madness ¶" "¶ She has a man of mystery Oh, yeah ¶" "¶ She dumped me in a brand-new address ¶" "¶ With a brand-new sweater made for me ¶" "¶ Oh, yeah ¶" "¶ Sometimes it ain't so bad ¶" "¶ Like a soul lies on a slab ¶" "¶ This is my life in a body bag ¶" "¶ Oh, yeah ¶" "¶¶ (ends)"