""For every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction"." "Who?" "Isaac Newton, third law of motion." "And how does that apply to the nature of man?" "Anyone?" "Shawn." "You push, they push back." "Correct." "Why?" "Because man is a stupid creature who'd rather fight than use his brain." "And what idiot said that?" "You did." "The name of the game is survival, sports fans." "In order to survive, you've got to fight, and if you fight, you'd better damn well win, because if you don't win, and you don't use your brain, then what happens?" "Gus." "You lose?" "And for this troop, that is not an option." "Comprende?" "Sir, yes, sir!" "Because losing is for low-lifes." "Losing is for quitters." "Are you boys low-lifes?" "Are you boys quitters?" "Sir, no, sir!" "Troop 101, ten-hut!" "Gentlemen, we are about to embark on junior bobcat manual's infamous exercise number" "32," ""the launching of a solid fuel rocket. "" "Now, one of you lucky grunts is going to nab this thing, and you're going to haul ass back to me." "The prize?" "A hot fudge sundae." "But if you lose... what does the loser get, Shawn?" " He gets to look on with envy." " That is correct." "He gets to look on with envy, because that, gentlemen, is the american way." "On your marks!" "Ready... set... go!" "What's this?" "A parachute." "I sent you after a rocket." "Shawn... where's my rocket?" "I thought he had it." "A shortcut." "You took a shortcut." "A shortcut, huh?" "Prove it." "I'll tell you what..." "I beat you this time..." "I'm eating the sundae." " Ooh!" "Just in time." " For what?" "The annual civil war re-enactors' meltdown." "The event isn't until next weekend." "Yeah, but this is the best part." "The rehearsal." "This is what they should charge for." "Form battle lines!" "Prepare muskets!" " Is that Lassiter?" " Yes, it is." "What died on his face?" "Charge!" "Stop!" "Stop, stop, stop!" "Stop!" "Okay, guys, that was better." "Really, it was good, actually." "Okay." "It wasn't good." "Look, guys," "I know I promised last week that i wasn't going to give any more notes, but guys, come on." "That last charge, it was... how do I say this?" "It was a soul-sucking embarrassment that made me ashamed to wear the uniform." "Luke Bauer?" "Where's Luke?" "Colonel Lassiter, sir!" "Luke, what did I say about the bayonet gag?" "Huh?" "Too much." "There's going to be kids watching this." "We don't want the people in the grandstands to vomit." "Okay..." "I know we haven't re-enacted this one for a while, but the battle at Piper's Cove, Kentucky, 1864, is special to me." "It ended confederate raider" "Quantrill's plot to assassinate Lincoln, and it involved my great-great-grandfather, colonel Muscum T. Lassiter." "Muscum?" "What the hell is a Muscum?" "It was a very common name of the era." "History channel." "ESPN, Gus." "Channel 206." "I'm begging you." "Hey, Jules." "Want to join?" "Oh, can I?" "I don't know, do you have your own hoop skirt?" "I rent one." "Sally Reynolds, front and center." "You missed your cue, Sally." "The cannon fired, yet no Sally." "I got stuck in the hospital tent." "Sergeant Menish had a quick question about his homeowner's policy." "How touching." "However, today, you're not here to sell insurance, Sally." "Today, you are here to help me win the civil war, and according to our battle plan, when the fifth cannon fires, you exit the hospital tent and you shoot Captain Quantrill off his horse." " There's no need to get nasty." " I agree." "Totally out of line." "Sorry!" "I didn't think you could hear that!" "Sally... sweet Sally... if you do not point your gun at captain Quantrill and fire at the prescribed moment, the audience will not be able to make heads nor tails of what we are doing, and it will appear as if the evil captain Quantrill," "now being portrayed by our horrifyingly method-acting Nelson Poe, who happened to roll way off his mark, by the way, fell off his horse, and is lying here for no apparent reason at all." "Get up, Nelson." "Nelson, I swear to god, if you're sleeping through rehearsal again..." "I said get up!" "Okay... either that guy is a phenomenal actor," "or he's dead." ""I know you know that I'm not telling the truth" "I know you know they just don't have any proof embrace the deception learn how to bend your worst inhibitions they will psych you out in the end"" "oh, come on." "Let me in on this." "No." "I was there, inexplicably drawn to the scene." "I was meant to solve this case." "It's sort of like a miracle." "You have been out there every weekend we've rehearsed, and don't think I didn't see you trying to throw MMs in the injured soldiers' mouths." "Okay, first of all, those were skittles, and they have a rainbow of flavors." "The answer is still no." "Beat it." "Oh!" "Hold it." "I'm suddenly seeing Nelson." "The bullet traveling through the air... tearing, ripping... pain... the bullet went straight through his heart." "This was not an accident, detective." "I don't know how you know that, and I don't give a rat's ass." "This case is personal." "One of my soldiers was killed on my watch, and I, not you," "I am going to clean it up." "We clear?" "I wouldn't have gone with something as traditional as "we clear?"" "You could've gone foreign, right?" ""comprende. " "capiche. "" "Could have had a little fun with it." ""you dig my gist, sweet-pants?"" "These are just suggestions." "And to you, the central re-enactment committee," "I say, as of today, the event next weekend is still on, pending an investigation." "Now, most of you are cops." "Should we find any evidence that this was not an accident and do not make an arrest, we will re-evaluate at that time." "That said, detective Lassiter," "I want to know how, I want to know who, I want to know why... oh." "Oh, it's kind of hard to get off." "It takes a long time to unstick the glue." "Fine." "Thank you, chief." "Pending the coroner's report," "I'd have to say there are no indications of foul play." "The general consensus is that a live round got mixed in with our blanks." "Mr. Mahoney's the regiment's munitions expert... and jeweler, one of Santa Barbara's finest." "He can expand on this." "Mr. Mahoney." "As you know, detective, we had live round target practice this past weekend." "Along with you, we assumed a musket ball got stuck in one of our rifles, laid there unseen, and then a blank was inserted during the last rehearsal." "Poor Nelson." "A terrible, terrible, tragic accident." "Our battles meant so much to him." "Anyway... this is an official police investigation, so let's focus on our schematic, nail down the specifics." "Detective O'Hara?" "Please." "Hey." "What's the deal?" "Why do you keep staring at me?" "One, it's our understanding that the victim was shot off his horse at the top of the creek bank here... and then rolled... to the creek bed here." "Two, we know Nelson was facing west." "We're going to focus our attentions here on the opposite bank, where we assume the shot originated." ""assume"?" " Detective..." " Spencer." "What about three, the missing bullet?" "I saw it ripping through Nelson's body, in through the front, out through the back, and it still hasn't been found." "Wait." "How do you know all that?" "Lassie, you want to take this one?" "He had an "episode" in the hallway." "Look, I can handle this myself." "Nelson..." "Nelson, you're going to have to speak up." "You're teeny." "You were shot through the heart?" "No, that was privileged information." "I didn't say anything." "Shh, shh." "Are you sure about this?" "It's bold, but I'll run with it." "He says people don't get shot through the heart by accident." "He says he was murdered." "You're hired." "You told them what?" "Gus, she was hot, and she was dressed as a nurse." "You know how I feel about that." "Oh, come on." "What was I supposed to do?" "Not impress her?" "Plus the tiny figurine made a very convincing argument." "I don't know how you'll prove murder with two lousy bullet holes." "Oh, relax." "I did some checking on Nelson Poe." "Nobody liked him, ever... and second of all... what?" "Dude, I don't have a "second of all. "" "And we know Nelson was on top of the ridge facing the union soldiers over here when he was shot, so Schwartz, take team "A", check out that high grass." "O'Hara, take team "B", start going over the ridge." " Do it." " Yes, sir." "Find something amusing?" "Mildly amusing." "More odd." "Delightful, in a queer sort of way." "For your edification, the re-enactment of..." ""edification"?" " Yeah, "edification. "" " Is that legal?" "Like, in public?" "Public edification's legal?" " It means "for your information. "" " Why didn't you just say that?" "For your edification, the re-enactment of battles, battles fought by our forefathers to preserve this union, is a sacred trust." "What are you guys doing here, anyway?" "I'm a bit of a civil war buff." "I'm reading the dirt, the trees, the hot dog stand." "No real information there, but they do great sauerkraut." "I may even be able to help you name a suspect." "Like I told you, we're 95% sure this was an accidental shooting." "What about the other five percent?" "If I am wrong, we will hold a press conference." "You two will be cordially invited to say," ""I told you so. "" "Seems fair." "Hey." "Can I wear your face wig?" "What are you doing?" "Shockingly, Lassiter is holding out on us." "I do not think that he thinks that this was an accident." "What do you mean?" "I saw three names checked off the roster on his clipboard." " What names?" " Gus..." "I thought you'd never ask." " What is this?" " The battlefield." "Based on what?" "The briefing board at the police station." " You did this from memory?" " Yes." "You said you saw it for two minutes." "Right, two whole minutes." " You got problems." " Factoid... a musket is accurate from 30 yards." "Poe." " G. C." " G. C.?" " George Cheslow." " George Cheslow?" " From sixth grade?" " Little Georgie." "He's like a dentist now." "Really." "See you in six months." "We go in, we check it out, we see if George" "Cheslow had any reason to murder somebody... pop out." "Mr. Guster." "The dentist will see you now." "Sweet." "Me?" "My teeth are gorgeous." "You said the appointment was for you." "Right, for me to do some snooping, because I'm a much better snooper than you are." " Just keep him occupied." " Occupied?" "How?" "Gus, stop it." "Be a man." " What's he saying?" " He says his teeth are gorgeous." "I'm sorry, Shawn, but the reason you have to be here, too, is... uh, George, Gus has phobias, and being alone in the dentist's chair is one." "He could snap at any moment." "This is actually for your own protection." "Last time, he bit off an index finger." "Thankfully, I was there." "They were able to save everything but the nail." "Oops." "Pardon moi." "Honey, can I talk to you for a minute?" "Oh, sure." "Gentlemen, duty calls." "Oh, and the credit card won't go through." "Do you have any cash?" "Oh, uh, sure, yeah." "I've got tennis, then dinner with Karen." " Okay, I'll hit an atm..." " Don't wait up if I'm late." "Oh, okay." "All right." "Bye, sweetie." "Good shopping." "Rwowr." "Ah, yes." "George, I heard you got married, but wow, huh?" "Yeah, I know what you're thinking..." ""what's wrong with this picture?" "" but, you know, where is it written that the ugly guy never gets the girl?" "Everywhere, man." "Oh." "Ah... no, we're fine." "We're good." "That's better." "You're fine." "Don't worry about it." "Let's see... here... so, uh... how is married life treating you these days, George?" "Everything... everything solid?" "Why are you snooping around here, Shawn?" "You think I did this?" "Because Erlene was having an affair with Poe?" "You didn't know?" "Of course I knew, George." "I'm a psychic." "It was over." "Completely over." "I'm beyond it and Erlene's beyond it." "At least, I..." "think she is." "I..." "I had some gauze." "Right... just... oh, there we go." "Thank you." "George, do you wear your glasses out on the battlefield?" "Oh, I want to, but Lassiter won't let me." "Says they're not of the period." "Open, and..." "there." "If it makes you feel any better, Gus here doesn't think you did it." " Neither does Shawn." " Well, thanks, guys." "I appreciate that." " Oops." " "oops"?" "Small cavity." "I don't have any cavities... it's right on the surface." "Don't worry about it." "There we go." "There's my trouper." "Listen, Georgie, nobo y's drilling in my mouth for anything." "My teeth are perfect." "George!" "Why am I surprised?" "Funny coincidence." "Hey, Jules." "George, I hate to say this, but you're under arrest for the murder of Nelson Poe." "What?" "On what grounds?" "You said it was an accident." "We discovered a stack of love letters at Nelson's house, indicating he was having an affair with your wife, and that you'd threatened to kill him." "Oh, come on." "I am so disappointed in you." "All right." "Okay, okay." "What did he say?" "You've got the wrong man." "First..." "i told you so." "Secondly, I think George Cheslow is an innocent man." "Yeah, you know, he's right." "We do have a paper-thin case." "I mean, all we've got is motive, means, and opportunity." "Look, guys, I had a dream last night." "I was sipping ice wine with a baby tree monkey, then I fell, and I landed in a wooded area, and that's where I saw Nelson Poe get shot, only in my dream, the shooter was much closer than i originally thought." "This is a minie ball." "Am I right?" " Where'd you get this?" " Your desk." "Now, it's common knowledge that minie balls cause huge, gaping holes in human flesh, which leads to a quandary in my dream." "Why was Nelson Poe's exit wound... so small?" "If George Cheslow had been in that wooded area, he was way too far to make a shot that caused such a little hole." "Whoever shot Nelson was much, much closer." "And this "whoever" would be..." "Engelbert Humperdinck?" "So you've got nothing." "Thank you for the random speculation." "Goodbye." "Mr. Spencer, if you can't name names," "I'm afraid he's right this time." "Fine." "I'll get you a name... and I'm going to get you a woman." ""afraid" he's right?" ""this time"?" "It's a gift, actually, for my son." "A surprise of sorts." "This way, he, my son, will be able to keep track of time for a change." "Kid was late at birth." "He's been late ever since." "Now he is going to have a gold pocket watch just like mine." " I've had mine for 30 years." " I see." "Now, the inscription..." "what would you like it to say?" ""Shawn, " uh..." ""don't lose this watch." "Henry Spencer. "" ""Spencer"..." " What?" "too much?" " N-no." "It's just that your son is no doubt familiar with your last name." "It might..." "contradict the sentiment." "All right, what would you suggest?" ""love, dad"?" ""love, dad"?" "Yeah, well, why don't you just put "kissy, kissy"?" "Right." "Too mushy." "No problem." "So, before we go any further, let's see... vintage gold pocket watch..." "gold chain... taxes and engraving..." "comes to a total of... whoa, whoa, whoa." "Wait, wait, wait." "What about my discount?" "I'm ex-cop." "Half the regiment's cop." "I thought we agreed on 400 bucks." "Yes, we did, but..." "at four dollars per engraved letter, that adds a total of... $210." "All right, take away..." ""Shawn, " "this watch, " "Spencer. "" "How much does that come out to?" "Uh, $56 for the engraving, plus tax... 460 even." "And what does the revised inscription read?" "Uh, "don't lose, Henry. "" "Clean." "To the point." "I like it." "Come in." "Mr. Guster, I know you said you didn't want to be interrupted, but there's a lieutenant Crunch here to see you." "Crunch?" "Actually, I've been promoted." "It's captain Crunch." "Thank you." "Not in a thousand years." "Dude, we are joining that regiment." " No, we're not, Shawn." " They're down to 30 guys... please, I have a meeting in... and this mystery is still wide open." "Gus, think about it." "Camping out under the stars." "Living history." "Eating beans and rotten meat with men who reek of valor." "There's just one thing you haven't considered in this perfect scenario of yours, Shawn." "That's not true." "I've considered everything." "Really?" "And what role would I play in this production of yours?" "I don't..." "what do you... what role would I play in the midst of all those hardcore, down-to-the-last-detail civil war re-enactors?" " Would I be..." " No." "Gus..." "no." "Okay." "Then maybe would I be... never." "Who are you talking to?" "You're talking to me." "This is me." "Then what, Shawn?" "What would I be?" "Because I tell you, there is no way, no way, that I would ever... never, ever... may I please tell you what I was thinking?" "What?" "I was thinking "Glory"." "I was thinking "Denzel"." "Did you just say "Denzel"?" "As in Denzel Washington?" "No, the other Denzel." "Of course... and we will put you on a horse, and we will give you your own sword... and you will have a chestful of medals." "You can be anything you want." "You can be a pilot." "The air force wasn't formed until World War I." "That's fair." "So you can't be a pilot." "Look, I called mr." "Mahoney... he's mr." "Uniform... and I told him to make you something spectacular." "Denzel Washington." "Captain Mahoney." "You said we needed recruits." "Voila." "Ah." "Welcome aboard, son." "I didn't expect you back so soon." "Don't know if the uniforms are ready yet." "But it is..." "spectacular?" " You saw "Glory"?" " It's the best we had." "Well, come along." "Spectacular, dude." "Wow, captain." "It's quite an establishment you've got here." "My sanctum sanctorum." "Fine jewelry, yes, even my vintage pocket watch collection, but above all, the finest civil war memorabilia and props west of the Mississippi." "I can attest to that." "Repaired nearly half of them." "Sally." "I am so happy to see you." "Though I'm a little disappointed you're not wearing your nurse's uniform." "Griffin called me, frantic, saying we needed one more outfit." " You okay with that?" " I sure am." "It's just a shame you didn't dress me." "Still time for that." "Aside from re-enacting, Sally insures half the regiment." "Auto policies, homeowners', even theft." "Speaking of which, griff, i'm thinking of insuring my legs." "Sort of like mary hart." "What do you think?" "Three, five million a haunch?" "Keep in mind, my calves are like carved marble." "That's not the kind of policy she writes." " Oh, so she wrote yours." " Of course, and it's worth more than both your legs put together." "Does that policy include plastic explosives?" "Because I see... you're packing C-4." "Is this authentic?" "Better yet, is it even legal?" "That's for the re-enactments." "We fudge the fireworks sometimes." "Our audience goes wild every year when the fake cannon fire showers them with dirt." "What do we have here?" "C. S. Richmond high hump." "58 caliber, percussion loader." "Iron ramrod... good lord, Burton, you are a wonk." " Whathe heck?" " Sorry, sorry." "The battlefield can be pretty messy at times." "What about these jars with the buttons in them?" "For the super-hardcores they soak their brass in urine." "You ready to try this thing on?" "Sure." "Dude, you look awesome." "Are you sure there's not any other uniform?" "Yeah, but I'm checking with the Ventura association." "Personally, I think you look dashing." "I always loved the marching band." "It's not so much me as it is Mickelson." "He's good." "Shawn... we're supposed to be roughing it." "Gus, for your edification, they don't have tivo out here." "I said rough it keep an eye on those patties." "Shall we?" "Let's go somewhere dark." "You can give me a history lesson." "Captain Quantrill, he is the guy that burnt down that evolutionist town?" "Lawrence, Kansas, 1863." "A year later, they were holded back on assassinating ooh, ooh, but Lassiter's great-great-granddad, Muscum, he stopped code on the bridge, yeah?" "Sort like a..." "noble calling, right?" "Something like that." "And the nurse who betrayed suicided" "Jenny Wenslow." "She lost her husband and two sons at Lawrence she wanted revenge, and she got it." "And what about you..." "Sally Reynolds?" "What do you want?" "Shouldn't you already know?" "Why, because I'm a psychic?" "My aunt used to think she was a psychic." "She got predictions wrong all the time, and then she'd get the smallest random detail right, and she'd say, "you see?"" "So, what you're saying is that you doubt me." "That hurts my feelings." "Well, you still haven't guessed what I want." "Damn it!" "Shawn!" "What happened?" "Gus..." "I know how Nelson Poe was killed." "Good morning, father." "Good morning, your highness." "I lost your pocket watch." "The truth, Shawn... you're not really my son, are you?" "Because I gave you a watch with the inscription "don't lose", and what is the first thing that you do?" " I lose the watch." " You lose the watch." "Well, here's a news flash, dad." "My birthday wasn't yesterday, okay?" "It was four months ago." "Yeah, well, here's a news flash for you, kid." "After you were born, it took you four months to smile at me." "That's when the clock started ticking." "Look, Shawn, I appreciate this new-found respect you've got for time, but what the hell are you doing out here in the boonies with an antique gold pocket watch?" "Oh, I don't know... trying to clear an innocent man named George Cheslow?" "It's a button." "All right, look... this case of yours, I... you know, I've been thinking about it, and... really?" "Well, no, I haven't been thinking... look... killing your wife's lover is something that's rarely planned." "It usually just happens, so even if this dentist, Cheslow, did plan it, he's not going to be some numb-nuts, hanging around, waiting for love letters to point the cops in his direction, right?" "Exactly." "He's not going to hang around like a numb-nuts, so here's the deal." "I think Nelson rolled into this creek and was shot from that tree, right up there." "And you figured this out last night when you fell on your ass down here by yourself." "Right on my ass." "Now, all I need to do is find the missing bullet." "And how and where do we find this missing bullet?" "How about right here?" "Shawn... what about the watch?" "You mean this watch?" "Hey, I needed a metal detector, target was out of stock, and you won't let anyone use yours, so... hey, I found the bullet." ""hey!" "" you didn't find the killer." "You need..." "to find... the killer." "Hell of an exit." "P.S..." "you look like an idiot." "I am warning you... he had better not be wasting my time." "Honestly, detective," "I've never seen him so excited before." "Four score and seven years ago..." "Shawn!" "Ask not what your country can do for you..." " Shawn!" " But what you can do for..." "Gus?" "Is that you?" " Shawn!" " Yellow!" "All I see is yellow." "Yellow and the number two." "I'm already getting a bad feeling here." "There's lead." "No... graphite." "Fine, I'll play." "A pencil?" "Yes, a yellow pencil." " You see a yellow pencil?" " Yes where?" "I'm not sure." "Please help me, detective." "Please." "A little to your left." "Uh, back to your right." "Oh!" "You're getting warm." "You are so warm." "Oh, gosh!" "You're burning up!" "How can you stand that?" "Great." "You found a pencil." "Now we can all take the sats." "There's more." "The evidence, the critical evidence, it's there." "Just look..." "closer." "Look closer." "That's it." "Gus, that's it." "That's the bullet that killed Poe." "And I bet when I run it through ballistics, it'll match George Cheslow's musket." "You're wrong." "It's not Cheslow." "O'hara." "Yeah." "We're on our way." "It's a 439 in progress." " 439?" " Yeah." "We got to go." "W" " Wait!" "i was..." "i was in..." "I'm not finished!" "There's more!" "Email me." "Juliet!" "I found the bullet!" "I... should we go?" "No." "No, let's run through this... from the killer's point of view." "Okay, Nelson was shot from up here." " Let's do a list." " Okay." "One... killer climbs the tree, like so." "Right." "Two... he gets ready to shoot from here." "Three..." "Nelson rolls down the creek..." "way past his mark." "Four... looks up, sees the bad guy." "Okay, which means Nelson wasn't the original target." "Bingo." "He interrupted the plan." "Okay, look up there and see if you see a notch." "You know, that would steady a gun." " A notch?" " Yeah, like a notch." "It should lead us to the intended target." "That's not a notch." "That's a notch." "The hospital tent." " I think I got it." " What?" "Sally Reynolds." " Sally Reynolds?" " Sally Reynolds!" "Why would somebody want to kill Sally Reynolds?" "I have no idea." "Folks, our civil war re-enactment has begun." "Hey." "What's up, guys?" "You're going to get a call from an irate" "Sally Reynolds saying that two guys stole her dress." " Just ignore it, okay?" " What the hell are you doing?" "Sally was the target." "Shawn's going to put on that dress and wait for someone to shoot him." "Right, but the plan sounds a lot better when you don't say it like that." "Listen, detective, we have reason to believe that the intended target was Sally Reynolds." "Now, we've stolen her dress." "We'll catch the yellow-bellied son of a bitch red-handed." "I forced the ending." "That's horrible." "Wait, so, risking getting shot is the only way to solve the case?" " Absolutely." " Then we should stop the battle." "No, we can't!" "It's too late." "They're going to start in less than a minute." "Listen, Juliet..." " Please let us go." " I can't let you do that." "Argh!" "You're a civilian." "It's too dangerous." "It's fine." "We'll spot the guy well before he gets a shot off." " I'll do it." " What?" " I'll do it." " Juliet... charge!" " Careful, Gus." " Sorry, sorry." " Just take a deep breath." " Okay." "I don't think these dresses were intended to fit over a bulletproof vest." "Now, remember, we will be out there watching." "Gotcha." "To catch the bad guy before you get shot." "I understand." "But just in case, I want you to bob left, weave right." "Traditional bob-and-weave." "No reason to get fancy." " Don't become an easy target." " I did go to the academy." " Or you could die." " Right." "Now, remember, the fifth cannon boom is your cue to shoot whoever's playing Quantrill." "Right." "Wait, how do you know that?" "I read the manual." "Didn't you?" "I didn't open the manual." "It was like war and peace." "There were 17 chapters..." " It's the manual, Shawn." " It was this thick... hey, hey." "Hey." " Sorry" " Sorry, sorry, sorry." "All about you right now." "All right, you're a champion." "Now, go out there, catch us a killer, and Juliet... please be careful." "And don't die." "How many times are you going to say "die"?" "It's..." "Shawn... you're pounding the word "die"..." " Guys." " Yeah." " A favor." " Sure." "Name it." "Kick me." "Do what?" " Kick me!" " Okay!" "Now what?" "Now we get ready to find a killer." "Here it comes." "The moment of truth." "Where's our killer?" "That's weird." "Nobody came." "Well, at least Juliet is out of danger now." "What... well, I wonder where this leads." "Watch your head." "Aw, did you get sewage on your feather?" "We've crossed to the other side of the creek bed." "The police accounted for all the union soldiers, but nobody's considered that the murderer could have come from this side." "After all, this was the bad side, right?" "You know that's right." "Now, I ask you... who goes out on the battlefield without their boots?" "Maybe someone has bunions." "Bunions, Gus?" "Really?" "That's what you're bringing to the table?" "I'm trying to solve a murder here." "I deal with bunions at work every day." "They hurt... they hurt people." "That's a perfectly logical assumption." "Yeah?" "What about this?" "No tunic." "This is Mahoney's." "What?" "The brass button." "Mahoney did it." "That's why he had that sticky musket." "He must've gotten sap on it from that notch in the tree." "Wait." "This doesn't track." "Why kill Sally?" "She's hot." "They're friends." "She even wrote his insurance policy... that was C-4." "That didn't come from the battlefield." "It came from the south." " I solved the crime!" " No, I did." " I said it first." " I identified the uniform." "I found the button." "I said it first." "Tap, tap, no take-backs." "That's not fair." "I was identifying the C-4 sound." "You snooze, you lose, Gus." "I don't know what to tell you." "That manhole we found connects to the sewer." "It's going to lead us right to our killer." "Let's go." "Whoa!" " We're going there by ourselves?" " What, are you crazy?" " Where you going, Mahoney?" " Hey, Griff." "Hello, boys." "Back off." "Back off." "Back off." "This gun is loaded." "Yes, but mine are so much bigger." "Get out of the way." "I'm coming through." "What the hell is going on down here?" "Colonel... arrest this traitor." "I'll have that weapon, captain." "Okay, hold on." "I'm going to need you to walk me through this." "Mahoney blew up his own vault?" "That is an absolutely outrageous... shut up." "Not only did he blow it up... he used the battle as a cover to rob his own store." "Then he'd collect the multi-million-dollar insurance policy in a couple of weeks." "He'd slip back to the battle during the cannon fire with no one ever being the wiser." "Oh, ye immoral man of low fiber." "You should really eat more bran." "I want to see my lawyer." "In due time." "Wait, but I still don't understand." "Why kill Nelson Poe?" "That is the rub, isn't it?" "Sally Reynolds was the intended target." "The question is, why?" " Hi, Juliet." " I got your message." " What the hell is going on?" " Oh, I can see it clearly now!" "Sally wrote Mahoney's multi-million-dollar insurance policy." "That means she was... she was in on the fraud from the start." "That's a lie." "But Mahoney here didn't want to share his millions, so he gets an idea." "What if sweet, sweet Sally, with the filthy mouth and the bedroom eyes, had a little "accident" out on the battlefield during the rehearsal?" "You mean, Griffin tried to kill me?" "That's right." "You are fabricating everything you're saying." "You hold on a second... oh, hey, Gus!" "You see, when Nelson rolled down the creek bed and landed too close to the river, he looked up and saw Griffin in the tree with his trusty musket, who said, "Griffin!" ""now, you must kill "Nelson Poe to keep his stinking mouth shut!" "" told you you had the wrong person." "I know." "Detective O'Hara... lose the hoop skirt before you hurt someone." "Read them their rights and book them." "Excuse me, gentlemen." "Hey, it was good work, detective." "We got him." " "we"?" " We're a team, right?" "Gus, when we grow up, think I'll ever be as cool as you?" "You're better at kickball." "Not what I asked." "We talking about your dad again?" "Come on, dude." "The guy respects you." "Not like he does you." "I'm not his son." "I mean, he might like me okay, but he loves you." "Did he say that?" "No." "Well, then how can you be sure?" "You mean he's never said it?" "Come on, Gus." "We're guys." " Charge!" " Charge!"