"We're almost there." "How you doin', hon?" "Breathe deeply." "Just like that." "There you go." "You're doin' great." "Yeah, real great." "Ma'am?" "Ma'am?" "Ma'am, i'll need your full name and social security number." "Amanda nelligan." "545020809." "Your insurance carrier?" "Great." "Atlantic mutual." "Is there anyone you need us to contact?" "The father of the baby?" "I'm not sure how to get ahold of him." " Give me his name." "I can try." " He's not from around here." " Is he from out of state?" " Another planet." "All right, we're here now." "Hold on." "One more little push, amanda." "There you go." "You're gonna set a speed record." "Great." "There's a cute face." "Doll syringe." "This is like the indy 500." "Here comes the shoulder." "Good." "Okay, amanda." "That'll do it!" "Oh." "Oh, god." " What?" "What is it?" " It's okay." "She's just fine." "Perfectly healthy." "No problem." "Everything's gonna be a-ok." "You've got a healthy baby girl." "Oh, a little girl!" "Good lord, not another one!" "I admit the photo's a little over the top, but, um, what do you think, scully?" "Not seriously." "Children born with vestigial tails don't interest you?" "Codal appendages." "Fetuses have them." "Their coccyx enlarges to contain the spinal fluid, and then it shrinks as the child develops." "Occasionally, it doesn't." "It's extremely rare but it has been known to happen." "Five times within the last three months?" "All in a town with a population of less than 15,000 people?" "I'd say that's a little more than a statistical anomaly." "So would i." "No, mulder, I..." "i think you're right." "I think that something about this definitely warrants investigation." "Only not by us." "I'd say that it is a job for the local health department." "I called around." "They're already investigating." "So what else about this interests you?" "Could it be, uh, visitors from space?" "The doctor said that... my baby's gonna be fine." "She's really healthy." "And when she gets to be a few months old, it's just a matter of "snip."" " That's good to hear." " Yeah." "Did you experience any unusual complications during your pregnancy?" "Did you undergo any kind of fertility treatment?" "No." "I wasn't trying to get pregnant." "I guess you could just sort of say i'm a single mom now." "When you were admitted, you said that the, uh, the baby's father was from another planet." "What did you mean by that exactly?" "You know, that..." "he's not from this planet." "Were you abducted?" "Huh?" "no." "No." "He dropped by my apartment one day, and one thing sort of led to another." "But the baby's father is an alien." "No!" "No, i didn't say he was an alien." "I said he was from another planet." "His name is luke skywalker." "He's what's known as a jedi knight." " Did he have a light saber?" " No, he didn't bring it." "He did sing a song for me, though." "How many times have you seen star wars, amanda?" "Three hundred sixty-eight." "I should break 400 by memorial day." "Okay." "Thank you." "Wait a minute, wait." "You know these four other babies that were born here with tails?" " Uh-huh." " There couldn't be any chance... luke's the father, is there?" "Okay, all right." "I've got it, thank you." "Take your best shot, scully." "I think there's more going on here than luke skywalker and his light saber." "I think you're right." "Are you coming?" "Here are the p.c.r. S that we ran for the five children." "We put calls into the parents." "We'll blood test all the husbands, hopefully by this afternoon just to double-check." "Good." "They'll be none too happy." "I have to confess... this answer seems so strangely obvious, i probably wouldn't have even checked for it." "What answer?" "You see here, these identical band trait matches, all showing a small loss of a part of chromosome number eight?" "Each of these five children, born to five different women, all share the same father." " Yeah?" " I should have thought of it sooner." "This kind of appended birth defect is often passed on within a family." "Meaning the father had a tail as well?" "Though he most likely had it surgically removed somewhere along the way." "How would this happen?" "Birds and the bees and the monkey babies, mulder." "Birds do it, bees do it, even educated m.d. S do it." "All five of these women shared the same ob-gyn, didn't they?" "Well, yeah." "He's the only one in town." "And four of the five women, the four married women, not including amanda nelligan, are on record as receiving insemination therapy as a means of conception." "So you're thinking that the doctor might have something to do with it?" "So much for not putting all your eggs in one basket." "we should find the best lawyer we can." "Because i definitely plan to sue." "That's all i'm saying, fred." "babboo, let me do the talking." "I'll handle this." "Just tell him we're gonna sue." "Ah, you too, huh?" "What the hell did you do?" "Yeah, alton." "What did you do?" "I didn't do anything." "We're gonna figure this out." "I promise." "Look, everybody, just relax." " Don't you tell me to relax!" "What happened to my sperm?" " yeah, mine too!" " Whose did you use?" " It's bad enough having a boy with a tail." "Then you find out it's not even yours!" "For god's sake, alton, how many of us are there?" "I'm special agent mulder with the federal bureau of investigation." " This is agent scully." " Great!" "Arrest this son of a bitch." "No, sir, settle down." "Nobody's going to be arrested." " We're just here to find out what's goin' on." " Alton didn't use my sperm." "I most certainly did." "Each of you women... was inseminated with your husband's own sperm and nobody else's." "Why was it necessary to inseminate in these cases?" "It was a sperm motility issue." "The intrauterine process that i used... has about a 40 percent chance of success." "I was surprised." "It seemed to work all four times." "The only thing i can think of is... what?" "Maybe it never worked at all." "What are you saying?" "I want to know what he means by that." "I haven't been with a man since 1989. i mean, not counting you, honey." "I'm not accusing anyone of anything." "I'm just saying, this latest patient of mine who gave birth to a baby with a tail?" "She didn't even undergo insemination." "So you are blaming the wrong baby doctor." "Hey." "Excuse me." "I'm an agent with the federal bureau of investigation." "I'd like to ask you a few questions." "Uh, yeah, okay." "Scully, check it out." "Oh, my god." "That's him?" "He's the one?" "Five out of five." "They spelled my name wrong." "It's van blundht, with a silent "h." B-l-u-n-d-h-t." "We'll get right on that." "Lots of people spell it wrong." "It's like dutch or somethin'." "Can i go now?" "No." "There's a few things we have to clear up first." "Yeah." "Like how'd you do it?" "What do you mean, "how'd i do it"?" "You're the father of five children, mr." "Van blundht." "Is that not news to you?" "Do you have any insight into how five women came to be inseminated with your sperm?" "You make it sound so romantic." "So you're, you're saying there was romance involved?" "Why is that so hard to believe?" "Just 'cause i was born with a tail, no woman would want me?" "Maybe i got personality." "You ever think of that?" "You had sex with these women?" "How is it that none of them have any recollection, whatsoever, of that happening?" "Look, i'm not saying anything one way or another." "I'm just sayin', hypothetically, if some woman wanted to have kids and their husbands weren't capable, and everybody was happy, and nobody got hurt, hypothetically, where's the crime?" "If you're waitin' for my usual theory as to what's goin' on, i don't have one." "I do." "On behalf of all the women in the world, i seriously doubt this has anything to do with consensual sex." "I think it involved some form of rohypnol-rape." "The tranquilizer?" "I didn't think of that." "Called the "date rape drug."" "High doses of it cause a loosening of inhibitions, memory loss." "Now if van blundht was somehow able to slip the drug to these women, especially in conjunction with alcohol... yeah, but when and where would he have had the opportunity to slip it to them?" "He identified these women through his janitorial job at the medical park." "He could've followed them anywhere, to a club, to a bar." "Those women don't look like the type that do a lot of solo drinking." "I think it's enough to keep him in custody while we check it out." "Ah, you spelled my name wrong." "It's b-l-u-n-d-h-t." "Silent "h."" "Address?" "I strongly suggest you stop eyeballin' me and tell me your address." "17 prospect parkway." "Martinsburg, 25401." "All right, mr." "Blund-ht." "Give me your phone number." "What the hell?" "The "h" is silent." "I could've sworn curtis clocked out hours ago." "He said good night to me and everything." "This morning i find him shoved underneath the desk." "Deputy, are you sure you don't remember what happened last night?" "The guy cold-cocked me." "Except, he wasn't the guy." "He was me." "My head hurts." "I found van blundht's clothes in the locker room." "He must've walked out of here wearing the deputy's spare uniform." "After hitting him over the head." "I have a theory." "Do you want to hear it?" "Van blundht somehow physically transformed into his captor, then walked out the door leaving no one the wiser?" "Should we be pickin' out china patterns or what?" "Why can't you just go for the simple answer?" "With that blow to the head, the deputy might have identified... mcgruff the crime dog as his attacker." "What about what the sheriff saw?" "Two men, roughly the same build, the same coloring, the addition of the uniform goes a long way to explain how someone... can mistake one man for another at 3:00 in the morning." "Conversely, my theory goes a long way to explaining... how four married women could mistake van blundht for their husbands, and how amanda nelligan could think he was luke skywalker." "We've both seen something like this before, scully." "But what are you saying?" "That, that van blundht is an alien?" "Not unless they have trailer parks in space." "No, this is something different." "Scully, if you could be somebody else for a day, who would it be?" "Hopefully myself." "So boring." "Wouldn't you even be tempted to try on somebody else's existence for a day?" "Live your life as somebody else?" "Looking like someone else, and being someone else are completely different things." "Maybe it's not." "Everybody else around you would treat you like you were somebody else." "Ultimately maybe it's other people's reactions to us that make us who we are." "All right then, eleanor roosevelt." "You can't be a dead person." "Why the hell not?" "Because." "What are you doin' sneakin' around my porch?" "We're with the f.b.i. Is this the home of edward van blundht?" "Yeah, that's me." "We're looking for your son, eddie, junior." "Eddie?" "What did that moron do now?" "Five women?" "Oh, lord!" "Anything else?" "Yes, he attacked a sheriff's deputy... during his escape from custody." "Hurt bad?" "Fortunately not." "Well, thank heavens for that at least." "Sir, do you have any idea where your son might be?" "I wish i did." "I'm sorry." "I haven't seen him for the last two days." "Is this..." "is this you?" "One and the same." "Hey, you wanna see?" "No!" "No." "No, thank you." "My son had his removed when he was, uh, just a kid." "Kept buggin' me and buggin' me... until i finally let him do it." "There you go." "I told him it was a mistake." "I said, "son, you ain't much to look at." ""You ain't no athlete..." ""and you sure the hell ain't no einstein." ""But at least you got that tail." "Otherwise, you're just small potatoes."" "But he didn't listen." "Sir, does your son have any other unique medical conditions?" "I mean, aside from the tail?" "Mr. Mulder, that boy was born sickly." "We used to have this condition down in the south called pellagra." "Excuse me, sir, how did you know my name was mulder?" "She told me it was." "Mmm, no, actually i didn't." "It's him!" "Pretty spry for an old guy, huh?" "Eddie, junior." "Not senior?" "Whichever one he is, wouldn't you say he's a man with a secret?" "Honey, what are you doing home so early?" "That was daddy." "Something's wrong with daddy." "Fred?" "Honey?" "Fred, is everything okay?" "Everything's fine." "What happened to the clothes you were wearing this morning?" "L-i'll explain later." "Just give me a little privacy, okay, uh... babboo?" "Okay, sugar patootie." "I'll check upstairs." "I'm all right." "What?" "Oh!" "It's quicklime." "Move back over there." "Back." "Not so spry." "Think the fall killed him?" "Babboo, i'm home." "Oh, crap!" "I'm home early." "What?" "You were just here." "You went into the bathroom." "What?" "Honey, what do you mean i went into the bathroom?" "Shh, come here." "Someone is in the bathroom." "It's all clear." "So, what killed eddie the monkey man?" "It's difficult to say." "The quicklime burned the tissue even as it preserved it." "So, what killed him is one of two things i haven't figured out yet." "What's the other thing?" "That would be this." "Striated muscle tissue." " What's unusual about that?" " In and of itself, nothing." "Where i found it, however..." "where did you find it?" "Everywhere." "His entire body." "As far as i can tell, this man has a thin stratum of voluntary muscle tissue... underpinning the entire dermal layer of his skin." "That's not normal." "This man's body is quite a scientific specimen." "And thankfully, it's preserved and intact." "In other words, there are 654 muscles in the human body, and this man, essentially, has 655." "Um, could that somehow be related to his, uh, having a tail?" "Possibly." "It could be, uh, a lynx gene birth defect." "What would be the, uh, purpose of this muscle?" "You got me, mulder." "You know, maybe none." "It appears to be atrophied." "Although it may look that way as a result of the mummification." "Could this be, uh, a "like father, like son" kind of thing?" " What do you mean?" " Could eddie, junior have, the same anomalous muscular structure as his dad here?" "Maybe." "What are you suggesting?" "If this musculature underlies the entire skin, then maybe it could be utilized to remold the skin's shape and texture, which would go a long way to explaining why we're looking for a man... who can appear to be his own father, or anyone else for that matter." "Isn't it much more likely that this man simply has an identical twin?" " Check that out." " Where are you going?" "Something about van blundht's m.o. Confuses me." "His victims were four married women who wanted to get pregnant." " And one single woman who didn't." " Mm-hmm." "Come in." "Sorry, ms." "Nelligan." "I'm sorry to bother you." "No, it's no bother." "I just have a few additional questions i wanted to ask you." "Okay." "Here we go, sweetie." "Bye, bye." "We'll just come back later." "You know, i thought they were lettin' me stay in the hospital so long... because i had really, really great insurance." "Turns out they're just keepin' me here because they think i'm sort of crazy." "They wanna make sure i'm safe to be around my baby." "Free cable." "I want to ask you, do you recognize this man?" "Oh, yes." "Eew!" "That's eddie van blundht." "What can you tell me about him?" "We went out all through high school." "Okay, brother." "What?" "Nothing." "He's just..." "he's sort of a loser." "He's one of those guys you look back on and you go," ""oh, my god, what was i thinking?" "What was i thinking?"" "Ah, well, what specifically made him a loser?" "I don't know." "Everything." "He had like one million annoying personal habits." "You know, just no sense of romance, no ambition, you know, no direction." "I hear he's like a janitor or somethin' now." "He had this weird family." "His dad was in a circus or somethin'." "I don't know." "He never let me meet him, thank god." "Well, he must have had some good qualities." "Yeah, sure." "Everybody's got a few." "We had some good times." "He really lovedstar wars so we used to go and see it every weekend." "That was nice." "Hmm." "He was no luke, that's for sure." "Why do you want to know about eddie?" "That's official f.b.i. Business." "Wow." "Here you go." "I wanted to congratulate you on this blessed event." "Thank you!" "May the force be with you." "Hello, there." "I'm here to see amanda nelligan." "Just down the hall there." "Come in." "No, seriously though, why do you want to know about eddie?" " What about eddie?" " Why were you asking me all those questions about him?" "Mulder." "Agent mulder, this is fred niemann." "Is it okay for us to get into our bathroom now?" "Excuse me, sir?" "I was hoping we could get into our bathroom sometime this evening." "You said the police were gonna come by and dust it for fingerprints, but that was about four hours ago." "Uh-huh." "We want to help you catch this guy, but i'm having a real hard time here." "I mean, how exactly do you wind up chasing the suspect into my bathroom?" "Don't forget the suit." "Yeah." "And what do you need with my charcoal suit?" "I'm sorry, mr." "Niemann." "I'm gonna have to call you back." " Um, i was just here." "Where did i go?" " Huh?" "There was a man." "He looked exactly like me." "Did you see where he went?" "Down the hall." "The men's locker room." "Thank you." "Hey." "Hey." "Van blundht." "Who?" "Don't think about it." "Get your hands up." "Turn around." "Keep 'em up there." "Put your hands down now." "If it's not you, i apologize in advance." "What are you doing?" "Pull your pants up." "What?" "What did i do now?" "You're the only ones here?" "Yeah." "I apologize." "Only one of you is the man i'm looking for." "I hope." "I gotta wait for some blood tests to come back, then i'll release the other one." "So just sit tight and relax." "Keep your clothes on, huh?" "Scully." "Yeah, hey, it's me." "I think you should get down to the hospital right away, okay?" "I'm on my way." "Good." "You're a damn good-looking man." "You drew a gun on me." "You handcuffed me!" "I know what i did." "With my own handcuffs." "I'm sorry." "I have a serious problem with that." "I still don't understand." "Do you think we look like criminals to you?" "Exactly." "What the hell was on your mind?" "I said i was sorry." "Am i done here?" "Yeah." "We got his description." "Come on, guys." "What the hell happened?" "Van blundht surprised me." "He cold-cocked me, and then got away." "Got a lead on him?" "No." "The local authorities are already on the warpath for goin' after one of their own." "They'll catch him eventually." "So what, that's it for us?" "I know i dragged you out here, but i'm beginning to think this is just a waste of time." "Now you think there's no x-file here?" "No." "No." "I, i think the only thing that's here is, uh, small potatoes." "Hello?" "Hello!" "Get me out of here!" "Hello!" "Hello!" "Down here!" "Help!" "Help!" "Which one of you wrote this?" "I did, sir." "You spelled federal bureau of investigation wrong." "It was a typo." "Twice." "Agent scully, what about the body you found?" "Did you establish a cause of death?" "Yes, sir." "The subject, edward van blundht, sr., died of natural causes." "Specifically heart disease and advanced age." "We think the son hid the father in the attic so he could continue... to cash in on the old man's social security checks." "Most likely." "So, the son wasn't a murderer." " No, not at all." " But he was a rapist." "I entered him into the national sex offenders data base." "The west virginia state police have a photo and a description, and they will coordinate with local authorities." "There should be an arrest soon." "That about wraps it up." "So, scully, what are you doin' tonight?" "Any big plans?" "Seeing as how it's friday, i was thinking i could get some work in... on that monograph i'm writing for thepenology review." "You know, diminished acetylcholine production in recidivist offenders." "Uh-huh." "Actually, i might bag that, though." "Really?" "Yeah." "I have to say, the anomalous musculature in the corpse we found... really has me intrigued." "In fact, i think i'm going to go to quantico and have some tissue samples run." "I'll see you monday." "Monday morning." ""Fox"?" "Brother!" "Good night!" "This is where my tax dollars go?" "Where do i live?" "Where the hell do i sleep?" "Mulder?" "Langley." "You gotta see this." "An on-line associate of ours, who will remain anonymous, has figured out a way to digitize the zagruder footage so he can extrapolate... a bird's-eye view at the daley plaza at the exact moment of the assassination." "And you'll never believe where the third shot came from." "tell him about the cheese steaks. oh, yeah." "Frohike, byers and me are goin' out for cheese steaks." "Are you down with that?" "Uh, erase this once you hear it." "Geeks for friends." "Marty, it's chantal." "It's been so long since we've spoken, and i've been so lonely not hearing your sexy voice." "Marty, just for you, we've lowered our rates to 40 cents a minute, two ninety-nine for the first minute, all long distance rates apply." "Do give me a call, lover man." "I'll be waiting." "F.b.i." "F... b... i." "F.b.i." "You lookin' at me?" "There ain't nobody else here." "You must be lookin' at me." "You want a piece of this?" "You're a damn good-lookin' man." "Mulder, what's up?" "Scully, is this a bad time?" "No." "No, i'm..." "come on in." "Who's that for?" "Uh... us." "Okay, have a seat." "So, uh, what are you workin' on?" "More autopsy data." "Everyone at the lab found mr." "Van blundht pretty fascinating." "We discovered an additional anomaly relating to the hair follicles in his scalp." "I can't even begin to guess at the nature of it... until we can run it through the transmission electron microscope." "Sounds very interesting." "Yes, it is." "Seriously, mulder." "What's going on?" "You okay?" "Mmm." "Just kinda knockin' around, and was just thinkin'..." "Uh, it's good." "We never really, uh, talk much, do we?" "What do you mean?" "Like... really talk?" "No, no, we don't, mulder." "What's stopping us?" "So there we are at 2:00 in the morning, me in my moray taffeta dress and marcus in whatever the hell he was wearing... thank you very much." "It had a kelly green cummerbund on it." "Anyway, so i know that marcus is thinking that it's now or never." "And i'm thinking..." "what are you thinking?" "I'm thinking what is that siren i hear getting louder?" "No way!" "Who called the cops?" "It wasn't the cops." "It was the fire department." "My friend sylvia and her idiot prom date... burwood?" "Had built this campfire that went totally out of control." "And so we all had to ride back on the, uh... what do you call it?" "The, uh, the pumper truck." "Geez." "Yeah." "Marcus was the twelfth grade love of my life." "I can't believe i'm telling you this." "I don't believe you haven't told me before." "Now i'm seeing a whole new side of you, mulder." "Is that a good thing?" "I like it." "Do you ever wish things were different?" "What do you mean?" "The person you wanted to be when you grew up, when you were in high school?" "How far off from that did you end up?" "Career wise?" "Miles off target." "Not just that." "But do you ever wish... that you could go back and do it all differently?" "Do you?" "Thanks for comin'." "What's with the hat?" "My court-appointed therapist makes me wear it." "She says it's meant to bolster my self-esteem." "Does it?" "Not really." "The other inmates beat me up and take it from me, which would be okay except every week she brings me a new hat." "Plus, they keep me on some kind of muscle relaxant... so i, i can't make faces the way i used to." "Did you tell them to do that?" "Is, uh, is agent scully here?" "What did you wanna talk to me about, eddie?" "I just think it's funny." "I was born a loser, but you're one by choice." "On what do you base that astute assessment?" "Experience." "You should live a little." "Treat yourself." "God knows i would if i were you." "Have a good day, sir." "I don't imagine you need to be told this, mulder, but you're not a loser." "Yeah, but i'm no eddie van blundht, either, am i?" "I made this."