"[Sam] I like George Lazenby." "At least he's the right age." "What are you saying?" "Roger Moore is by far the best Bond." "Nobody thinks that." "Well, I do." "You haven't even seen A View to a Kill." "Yeah, well, I saw Moonraker and there was a pigeon that did a double take." "[laughing]" "That was really brilliant." "Hey, hey." "Can you hang back a few minutes?" "Doesn't look good, us going in together." "Need to keep it professional." "It's not professional." "We're shagging." "I know, but we still need to look professional." " Why do I have to hang back?" " Because I'm the director." "I can't be late." "Hey, girl." " Hey." " What you doing?" "I'm just waiting." "Sam doesn't want us to walk in together, so... [chuckles]" "Not touching that one." "[sighs]" " [grunts] - [indistinct chatter]" "Are you okay?" " Is everything all right with..." " It's fine." "I'm just..." "I'm pissed we didn't get to do the move." "I can stay after if you want to work on it more." "I can't." "The move's easy." "We'll be fine." "Just won't get distracted next time." "All right, well, this is exciting." "The match on Friday was a success." "If we keep that up, we're gonna have a bona fide hit on our hands." "[women cheering]" "Let's not get ahead of ourselves." "There's still stuff to do before we shoot." " Are we shooting it here?" " In this gray, depressing shithole?" "No." "I'm going with Bash to look at a venue." "It's expensive, but I'm not the one signing the checks, so..." "What's our lighting grid like?" "All right, so today, we're gonna focus on selling the drama." "All right?" "Fortune Cookie, can you give me more anger?" "All right, a little less swordplay." "I don't want it to be about the prop." " You know?" "The kung-fu stuff is great." " Mm-hmm." "All right." "Sheila, you ever thought about claws, maybe?" "Could be interesting." " That sounds dangerous." " Yes!" "It's gonna be dangerous." "Cherry, Welfare Queen, memorable performances." "Amazing." "I was hooked." "That said, there's no world in which KKK members are gonna be wrestling on television, not even cable television, so, get with the old ladies, figure something else out." "Rhonda." "You're late." "[talking indistinctly]" " [Stacey] Hey, do you have a tampon?" " Uh, no." "Sorry." "[Arthie] I've got." " Oh." "I said "tampon," not a diaper." " Actually, I do need a neck brace." " My neck is killing me." " I'm trying to protect you." "From Toxic Shock Syndrome." "Listen, you can't..." "You can't move in this thing." "Look." " Try." " I'm stuck." "I'm stuck." " I can't..." " Oh, yeah?" "Worked today." "I had you in a head scissor." "Ugh." "Don't make me ralph!" "Stace." "Here." " Thank you." " Welcome." " [Rhonda] Can I have one too?" " Oh, yeah, sure." "[Melrose] Arthie, no one wants that." " Me three." " [Melrose] Okay-dokey, here we go." "It's not yet, but I can feel it's coming." "You guys, we are on the same cycle." "♪ Finally a team, we're finally a team ♪" "Sisters of the moon, rejoice." "[Melrose] You better cheer it up right now." "[women laughing]" "[Melrose] It's raining tampons." " What's in your pants?" " [Stacey] I got you." "[indistinct chatter]" "[Melrose] Tampons, tampons." "Someone sent you a card." "They're birthday scratchers from my aunt." "[toilet flushing]" "[Jenny] Hold up." "What did you say?" " It's..." "Don't make a big..." " You guys." "Oh, my God." "You guys, it's Sheila's birthday." "[women] Happy birthday, Sheila!" "Why didn't you say something?" "I love birthdays." "It's fine." "Really." "Don't make a fuss." "Oh, we're going to make a fuss, majorly." "Let me handle it." "This is my passion." "Please kill me." "Oh." "Not on your birthday." "Oh, Sheila." "Oh, my God." "We have a party to plan." "Okay, there's so much to do." "Stacey, Stacey, I could use you." "[line ringing]" " [Florian] Howard residence." " Hey." "It's Sam." "Is your master home?" "Oh, hi." " I haven't seen Bash for three days." " What?" "Isn't it your job to keep tabs on that guy?" "I answer when he rings the bell, but no one's rung the bell for three days, dude." "Last night was breakfast-for-dinner night, and I was the only one who ate it." "All right." "Well, if he rings the bell, tell Bash that I need to talk to him." "Okay." "[clears throat]" "Yes?" "I just wanted to assure you that what happened the other night was a fluke." "Debbie and I have been doing great together, and I for one am certain we will triumph." "Yeah, yeah." "I've met you." "[sighs]" "Hey, wait." "Can I talk to you for a second?" " Yeah." " Uh..." "Me and Rhonda..." "It's fucking conspicuous, right?" " I'm not sure what you mean." " [stammers]" "Usually when I sleep with an actress, they keep quiet, for their own sake." "But she doesn't seem to care." "She's just... reckless." "It's hard, with 14 women." " Everyone talks." " Fuck." "I have to break up with her." "I feel like I'm losing my authority." " Hmm." " You wanna go see a venue?" "Bash is MIA." "I could use a second opinion." "You know what?" "I would be honored to be a part" " of the decision-making process." " Oh, you're not gonna have a say." "I just need someone to disagree with so I can clarify my own instincts." "Oh, get it." "Get it." "Yeah." "You can have some." "There you go." "[Randy babbling]" "Here you go." "Signed, sealed, notarized." "Fuck you!" "Have a nice life." "[whispers] Hi, I love you." " What are you doing?" " I don't accept this." "How can you not?" "You're the one who served me." "I was freaking out." "I couldn't find you, I couldn't even talk to you." "I had to get some power back in this situation." " The balance was off." " Well, it's too late." "I already made another copy and sent it to my lawyer." "No lawyer is gonna let you sign a document that guarantees me" " ten percent of all your future income." " What?" "It was a dramatic gesture." "Oh, how actress-y of you." "I claimed you were having an affair with Burt Reynolds." "I never actually intended to hand the papers to you." "I just got mad and handed the papers to you." "I am glad we never kept a gun in the house." "You are such an immature fuck." "Will you do something about his face?" " Give me a paper towel." " All right." "Okay." "Mark, he has no fucking teeth." "We can't give him celery." "[Randy fusses]" "[Mark] You're right, okay?" "I am all of the things that you wanna scream at me." "You are entitled to your anger, and I acknowledge it." "Who are you right now?" "Going to therapy." "Been going twice a week." " You're going to therapy?" " Yeah." "Seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist." "Her name is Linda." "Okay." "I don't know what that means." "It means that I'm trying to work on my issues and make some progress so you'll consider working on our marriage." "Stay for dinner." "We can start there." " I am not ready to come home." " I didn't say come home," "I just said dinner." "And I can put Randy down." "I'll cook." "Please." "Since when do you cook?" "Since my wife left me." "We had a booking cancel at the last minute." "Styx, but you didn't hear it from me." "[Ruth] Whoa." "[Sam] Good, right?" "Used to be a porno theater." "Well, it must've been the golden age of whacking off." "Was it Aztec porn?" "Actually, Mayan." "This was part of the Mayan Revival movement of the '20s." "Did the movement involve blood sacrifice?" " Your girlfriend is quite the comedian." " We're not..." " She's not my girlfriend." " If you want the space, it's 9,000, and I would need 4,500 to hold the booking." "Take your time." "[Sam sighs]" "[Ruth] I mean, the place looked great in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." ""Snakes." "I hate snakes."" "What's the matter with you?" "You're here as a benign sounding board." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I guess it's just... not what I pictured." "Well, you're not the director." "Fine." "Tell me what you're picturing." "[sighs]" "Okay." "All right." "So, we're gonna put the ring... right here." "We're gonna get rid of the stage." "We'll bring in folding chairs, right?" "I'm gonna change out those shitty ropes we've been using, make 'em pink." "Now, there's gonna be people up there, so we're gonna put a stationary camera up there, maybe a camera on a jib, moving around." "Right?" "I mean, this could either feel dinky or it could feel epic, so, let's go big, let's make it visceral, let's make it like a..." "A fucking rock concert." "But I'll leave enough room around the sides of the stage so, I can get in with the handheld, so, we can feel the struggle, the drama, the victory, the defeat." "The glitter." " Are you making fun of me?" " No." "Well, what do you think?" "Honestly." "I think... honestly... it's perfect." "Told you." "[sighs]" "Are you waiting for me to open the door for you?" "No." "I just... don't really wanna face the rest of my day." "Oh, God." "See, we all have shit to face." "Guess there's no point in putting it off." "Now's as good a time as any, right?" "Don't be mean, okay?" " I'll try." " Hey." "Hi." " Hi." " [Sam] Hey, get in, let's take a drive." " [Rhonda] Okay." " [Sam] All right." "[engine starts]" "[Melrose] ♪ Tampons, tampons Looking for some cooter plugs ♪" " Oh, hey." " Hey." "Oh, man, it's a..." "It's a super-plus day over here." "[Ruth chuckles]" "You coming?" "Oh, I'm just..." "I'm just looking around for a birthday present for Sheila." "Deodorant." "Flea collar, maybe." "Oh. [Laughs]" "I am very bloated." "Bye." "Bye." "So, you really didn't have birthdays in Cambodia?" "No." "My grandfather didn't even know how old he was." "He knew he popped out near the end of the dry season or maybe it was a wet season." "I don't know." "Nobody really knows." " Can't remember." " Oh, hey." "That's so nice." "Has Sheila seen it?" "We don't know where she is." "But we'll find her." " Ha, ha." " Yeah, sounds good." " Who blew up this balloon?" " I did." "This balloon is barely inflated." "It'd be cute, balloons of different sizes." "[Jenny] It looks like we made no effort." "Is that the birthday you would want?" "Where your friends don't make an effort?" " [Stacey] I'm gonna redo it." " [Jenny] You don't give a shit." "[sighs]" "[Queen and David Bowie's "Under Pressure" playing]" "[urinating]" "♪ Mm babade ♪" "♪ Um bum bade ♪" "♪ Um bu bu bum dade ♪" "♪ Pressure pushing down on me ♪" "♪ Pressing down on you, no man ask for ♪" "♪ Under pressure That burns a building down ♪" "♪ Splits a family in two Puts people on streets ♪" "♪ Um baba be ♪" "♪ Um baba be ♪" "♪ Deday da ♪" "♪ Eeday da That's okay ♪" "♪ It's the terror of knowing What this world is about ♪" "♪ Watching some good friends Screaming, "Let me out!" ♪" "♪ Tomorrow gets me higher ♪" "♪ Pressure on people People on streets ♪" "♪ Under pressure ♪" "♪ Pressure ♪" "Oh, hey." "Everyone's looking for you." "I know." "That's why I was in the woods." "The woods?" "In the Valley?" "It's more like a junkyard." "With shrubbery." "I think I'm gonna sleep there tonight." "Just need my toothbrush." "[stammers]" "Wait, I forgot to flush." "I've never seen Jenny this determined about anything." "It's a... [toilet flushing]" "It's a whole new terrifying side." "[Sheila] She's like those perfume people at the mall." "[knocking on door]" " [Jenny] Sheila, we know you're in there." " [Sheila] Oh, shit." "They found me." "[knocking on door]" "[Sheila] No." "Stop it." "You're gonna knock the door down." "[Jenny] Sheila, you can't not celebrate your birthday." " This is America, it's what we do here." " [Sheila] Oh." "[Jenny] Being a wolf is not an excuse." "Where's Ruth?" "Is she in here?" "[knocking]" "Ruth, can you please tell Sheila that she has to come out and celebrate with us tonight?" "We're all going." "Uh..." "Yeah, Sheila, you should go." "It'll be fun." "[Jenny] Are you going?" " [Sheila] Only if Ruth is." " [Jenny] She's going." " We're all going, right?" " [Stacey] Yeah!" "[Jenny] Ruth, you're coming, right?" " [Arthie] Ruth?" " [Jenny] Ruth?" "[in singsong voice] Ruth?" " Yeah." "Of course I'm going." " Great." "Okay." "Great, well, we'll caravan." "Can you bring socks for Sheila?" " Yeah." " [Jenny] Cool." "Party." "Party." "[Stacey] Today's your birthday... birthday, birthday." "[mimics trumpet] Birthday, birthday." "[women chattering and laughing] [exhales deeply]" " You're really coming, right?" " I'm right behind you." "Okay, bye." "[door closes]" "Ooh!" "It's like a murder scene in there." "Uh..." "It's all right." "I'll just dock you for the sheets out of your paycheck." "I was kidding." "I'm kidding." "I can't tell when you're joking and when you're just being mean." "I know." "I can't either sometimes." "I feel like this isn't working." "Oh." "You're gonna do it for me." " Fantastic." " Fantastic?" "Yeah, I know you were just fucking me because you wanted things, like a bigger part, a horse." "I've been around this block before." "I wasn't shagging you because I wanted something." " Really?" " I mean, I wanted a horse, but that's not why I was shagging you." "This was supposed to be fun, but you're so bloody paranoid all the time." "I'm not paranoid." "Who told you that?" "When I saw your dating video, you know, I just fancied you." "I thought you were sweet." "You're smart and funny." " You know, I think you're sexy." " Whoa, what...?" " How the fuck did you see my dating video?" " I don't know." "There was a screening with the girls." "Okay, so..." " You really like me?" " Yeah." " Okay, so why can't we just reset?" " I'm not a fancy robot, Sam." "You can't just reboot me." "Look, I don't know what to say." "All right?" "I have a shitty history with women." "I..." "We can go over it if you want." "Does that sound fun?" "I have to go." "It's Sheila's birthday." "Oh, come on." "Who gives a shit?" "I mean, look, I'll go with you." "We'll get a cake, it'll be a date." "It'll be..." "It'll be fun." "You don't actually like me, Sam." "You're just afraid to be alone." "What do you mean I don't like you?" "I just had period sex with you." "[door closes] [sighs]" "["Car Wash" playing]" "Sometimes you have to trick yourself into having a good time." "Just pretend you're having the best time in the world, and then maybe you will." "That's what I'm gonna do." "I don't trust shoes that move." "Oh." "♪ You might not ever get rich ♪" "♪ But let me tell you It's better than digging a ditch ♪" "♪ There ain't no telling Who you might meet ♪" "Whoo!" "Don't be scared." "Wow." "They're really good." "♪ At the car wash ♪" "♪ Working at the car wash, yeah ♪" "♪ Come on and sing it with me, car wash ♪" "♪ Sing it with the feeling now Car wash, yeah ♪" "[Stacey] Carmen!" "Hey." "Are you still moping about that match?" "We're here to have fun." "Don't make me sic Jenny on you." "I'm fine." "Birthday!" "[Whooping]" "Oh, my gosh." "[laughing]" "[Melrose] I can't shake my hips on skates." "It does not work." " Where's Sheila?" "There she is." " [Jenny] Sheila!" "Sheila!" "Sheila!" "♪ Come on and give us a play ♪" "We were looking for you, girl." "♪ Car wash ♪" "♪ Car wash, yeah ♪ [laughing and chattering]" "Go, Sheila." "Sheila." "♪ Car wash ♪ [all chanting] Sheila!" "Sheila!" "Sheila!" "[howling] [all howling]" "♪ Car wash, yeah ♪" "[women laughing]" "[woman] You got it." "You got it." "Look at me." "Yeah." "[chuckles]" "Come on." "You got it, honey." "You're doing it." "You're doing it." "Come on." "Oh, are you leaving?" "I just got here." "Oh, yeah, I'm not feeling so well." "I need to go home." " Maybe it was all the curly fries." " Could be all the disco." "Or maybe you're pregnant." "[chuckles]" "Well, feel better." "Thanks." "I'm just glad no one's sprained their ankles." "You know athletes usually get injured after practice, goofing off?" "We're not really athletes." "We need six more." "Uhn-uhn." "Carmen, how am I in a better mood than you?" "We're a bunch of girls making a wrestling show that's probably not even gonna happen." "And why wouldn't it happen?" "Sometimes, shows just don't get on the air." "Or there's problems with money." "Are there problems with money?" "I am horrified this place doesn't have a bar." "Have I mentioned that I am absolutely fucking horrified?" "What, they think we can't drink and skate at the same time?" "Yeah." "Melrose, you can barely skate sober." "[all] Oh..." "[Jenny] Hey!" "Where's the birthday girl?" "Sheila!" "It's time for the cake!" "Is that her age in dog years?" "That's thoughtful and weird." "It's wolf years, actually." " If she was a dog, she'd be 87." " [Stacey] We figured it out." "[Dawn] It was a whole thing." "[both] Wolves die young." "Sheila!" "Let the child skate." "Look." "She's having a happy birthday." "You did your job." "Okay." "[all cheer and laugh]" "[Debbie] Is the eating of giant salads part of the new you or just another dramatic gesture meant to show that you're capable of change?" "I am on a diet." " It started last week." " Me, too." "It started when I was 14." "It's really nice having you here." "[mumbles]" "What did I do to make you hate me?" " I don't hate you." " Fine." "What did I do to..." "I don't... fuck." "How did you put it before?" "Um..." "Make space in the relationship for you to fuck someone else?" "[sighs] [clears throat]" "You stopped talking to me." "You stopped sleeping with me, which is not an excuse for anything that happened, but I remember thinking to myself:" ""How many days can she go without... touching me or asking how my day was?"" "Forty-two days." " Well, Mark, I'd just had a baby." " This was, uh... before Randy." "Why did we start a family if we were so miserable?" "We thought we could make things better." "And I think we still can." " Can you let me hug you?" " [sobs, sniffles]" "No, I'm not hugging you." "It's more of, like, a therapeutic lean." "My therapist taught it to me." " Why were you hugging your therapist?" " Because it helps." "Please?" "You have to put your weight on me." "It's about intimacy." "Oh, my God." "We're supposed to do this for 30 seconds at a time." " Three times a day." " Don't push your luck." "[dial tone humming]" "[line ringing]" "Hey, it's Ruth." "Yeah." "Sorry to bother you." "I didn't know who else to call." "I broke up with Rhonda." "Seemed to be the right thing to do." "I tried to be nice about it, but, you know, she got a little emotional and..." " What are you gonna do, right?" " Hmm." "Um..." "Ruth Wilder." "I have a ten a.m. appointment." "Hi, Ruth." "If you could just sign in for me." " Sure." " And..." " if you could sign these for me as well." " Mm-hmm." "The doctor will answer any questions that you and your boyfriend might have." " Oh, we're not..." " Oh, I'm not her boyfriend." "I'm her husband." "Common mistake." "You know, sort of like having sex without a condom." " Right?" " It's good that you're here." "Just wasn't the right time for us, you know?" "I could've pulled out, but just got lazy." "Lucky for us, we hate children." "Right, honey?" "Please have a seat." "Thanks." "Sorry." "I'm sure this is not how you wanted to spend your morning." "It's fine." "I'll go get doughnuts while you're in there." "Pick me up a pink frosted?" "[chuckles] Pink frosted." "What, are you six?" "I like pink things." "Mm." "If you'd liked pink things a little less, maybe we wouldn't be here right now." "[scoffs]" "I feel like I'm supposed to ask you if this is what you want." "I mean, you know, as your husband." "Yeah." "It's not the right time." "Not the right baby." " [woman] Ruth Wilder?" " Fuck." "That was quick." "Don't come back without doughnuts." "I think I'll wait." "You can pick them out yourself." "[in Russian accent] In Soviet Union, abortion is only thing there is no line for." " Right this way." " Mm-hmm." "And you have considered all your options?" "Yes." "And you're comfortable with the decision to end your pregnancy?" "Yes." "Okay." "Then we'll get started." "Now, I'm going to give an injection next to your cervix that will numb your uterus and then we'll start the procedure." "Now, you're going to feel a little pressure, okay?" "Does this all make sense?" "I'm a wrestler." "What's that?" "Yes." "I understand." "Take a deep breath and try to relax." "[inhales sharply]" "[exhales]"