"So what do you think?" "Pretty nice, huh?" "I think Cash is gonna love it." "All the kids use this to get around on the beach." "Cash has been dropping hints for about a month." "Not so big with the subtle hints." "He put a picture of it on the fridge." "You know, I think you're spoiling that boy." "For your 16th birthday," "I gave you that paint set." "Mama, it wasn't a paint set." "It was a can of paint, roller, brush, and directions to the fence." "And were you proud of that fence, Reba Nell?" "Yes, ma'am." "I was very proud of that fence." "Well, all right." "You can't put a bow on self-esteem." "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, ma'am." "It's different with Cash," "I mean with the move out here." "And the separation." "I just want to get him something really special for his birthday." "Well, you know, the move out here was pretty rough on me, too." "I could use a masseur." "And you don't have to put a bow on him." "You don't have to put anything on him." "* walkin' with my head high * soaking' up the sunshine * la-la-la-la-la, life is sweet *" "Hey, ladies." "Hey, Reba." "What's up?" " Well, it's Cash's 16th birthday..." " Mm-hmm." "And I wanted to do something really special for him, so I went out and got him a bicycle that he's been wanting really bad." "Mm." "I didn't think you were gonna give me such a long answer." "I have exciting news." "Are you ready?" " Yes." " Okay." "'Cause this is really big." "I mean, this is kind of a game changer." "Is it that you're pregnant and you haven't told us?" "Oh, my go..." "How did you know?" "Yesterday, you ate an entire bag of chocolate pretzels and cried the whole time." "Okay, so now that it's all out in the open," " let me be the first to say congratulations." " Aw." "You must be so happy!" "Oh, I am." "You know, I was starting to get lonely, and I was thinking about getting a yorkie, but this is so much better." "Yeah, but not if you're the yorkie." "That's true." "Hey, listen, do you need me to do anything for Cash's birthday?" "Because I could totally have my housekeeper call my caterer." "Nope." "Thanks." "I nailed it." "His gift is in the garage," "Geoffrey's bringing the cake, and mama's made Cash's favorite dish." "If you wanna do something for Cash's birthday, you can stand outside and make sure that Reba's lyin', cheating' dog of a husband doesn't get in." "Wait a minute." "Bobby's coming?" "Yes, he is." "And, mama, knock that off." "I will not." "This is the first time that we'll all be getting together since we left Nashville." "And I want everything to go smooth as silk." "Well, okay." "But on my birthday," "I get to shoot him." "Wow." "The first time you've seen Bobby, huh?" "How's this gonna go down?" "It's gonna go down just fine, because I'm gonna put on a good face and be the bigger person." "Reba, this is the first time you're seeing him since you guys broke up." "You have to buh-ring it." "This is it." "I buh-rought it." "Well, then let's return it." "Lord have mercy." "Come on." "Don't you realize how this works?" "Lady, it's the post-breakup revenge." "It's what every woman dreams of." "You have to prove that you're happy, that you've moved on." "Now can you give me a face that says," ""yeah, I'm sexually satisfied."" "Yeah." "I'm not gonna do that." "I'll do it." "Turn on "Castle."" "Reba, come on." "You want to prove that you've moved on." "So just give me a face that says, "I'm so happy."" "I like it." "Yeah, that kind of says, "I'm so constipated."" "Come on, Reba." "Put a little effort into it, please." "Ugh." " You're adorable." " Thank you, mama." "Ah." "Okay, that's Bobby." "Mama, keep it clean." "Turn on "Castle," I'll give you six faces." "Hey, Bobby, good to see ya." "You, too, darlin'." "Uh..." "Oh, we're..." "Okay." "Ahem." "Doing okay, Reba?" "Yeah." "Never been happier." "Yeah." "Is that Glenn coming to see Reba?" "Oh, no." "It's just you, Bobby." "I thought maybe it was Glenn, coming back for more." "But I guess you wouldn't be familiar with Glenn or any of Reba's other many suitors." "I mean, oh..." "There's James." "Right?" "There's, um..." "There's other Glenn." "I'm sorry." "Who are you?" "I am Kim." "I was your neighbor when you lived here." "I called the police when the Oak Ridge boys tried to break into your house." "You know, you never thanked me for that, but that figures, 'cause according to Reba, you're not exactly the grateful type." "Well, a belated "thank you," Kim." "Oh, my God." "He's so charming." "Mm." "Yeah, and so are snakes." "Well, hello there, mama." "Shoot anybody out here yet?" "Till today, wasn't anybody worth shooting'." " Daddy!" " There she is!" "Oh!" "My little juny-juny-June-bug." "Oh!" "(Laughs) Huh?" "You like these wheels?" "Yeah." "It's a really nice rental." "Actually, it's nicer than my car." "No, that's not a rental." "No, this is Cash's birthday present." "Well, hellfire." "Ugh!" "You... you got that for Cash?" "Yeah, you got Cash a car?" "Aw, don't worry, darlin'." "I know you got a birthday coming up." "Wait... wait a second, Bobby." "You got Cash a brand-new sports car?" "Whoa." "What?" "This... this sweet ride is mine?" "Happy, birthday, son." "Oh, dad, you're the best!" "Oh, and you got June a bike so she wouldn't feel left out." "I can't believe that man!" "No, no, no." "Don't go to anger." "Ah, I know." "It's pointless." "No, it's just deepening your frown lines." "Reba, we wanna smile, you know?" "We wanna lift up our cheek muscles." "You need to make him wish he had never strayed." "Why did he buy Cash that car?" "Because he is a selfish jackass." "I so agree." "Wait." "Why are we mad at him again?" "Oh." "Did Cash want a boat?" "No." "You know, Bobby should know better." "Well..." "Oh, man." "I don't care what he says." "He's gonna take that car back." "It's hard enough raising these kids" " without him swooping in and spoiling them rotten." " Hmm." "Being a parent's kind of complicated." "That never occurred to me." "You know, I'm sick of it." "Sick of it." "He's Disneyland dad, and I'm the lame horse ride that you put quarters in outside the drugstore." "Get used to it." "Mothers do all the dirty work, and they get blamed for everything." "They do?" "That's the way it is." "That's the way it'll always be." "Oh, yeah, and the worst part is, the more you try to do the right thing, the more the kids turn on you." " Oh, amen." " Yeah." "They do?" "Well, nobody told me that." "I mean, that's just not fair." "You ungrateful little fetus!" "You know what?" "I'm gonna have these for dinner, but then that is it!" "Whew." "Gonna be a rough few months with her like that." "Mama, you ought to go after her." "Why do I need to go after her?" "Because if I go over there and Bobby comes back," "I'll miss the opportunity to murder him." "Oh." "Okay, you just knock him out." "This is my kill." "Whoa." "Whoa, could it be any whiter in here?" "Whoa." "I'd hate to be the person who has to clean this place." "Oh, so would I." "You know, I couldn't help noticing that, uh, you freaked out just now and ran off like a crazy lady." "Was it obvious?" "Well..." "Lillie Mae," "I mean, I'm really happy, but I'm also kind of terrified, you know?" "Oh, don't worry." "When you see the baby, you will forget the pain." "That's not what I'm worried about." "See, they've got drugs for that now." "What I'm worried about is after the birth." "You know, when the baby's just out in the world." "What if I'm not equipped to be a mother?" "What are you talking about?" "You're already a mother to Sage." "I'm a stepmother." "I mean, I got him when he was a teenager." "It's very hard to drop them on their heads and kill them when they're 14." "Honey, women have been giving birth since the dawn of time." "And given that there's about 7 billion people walking around, looks like most of those babies made it just fine." "Most." "But not all." "I'm gonna give you the only piece of advice you need to raise your baby..." "Love 'em, feed 'em, and when they say "I hate you,"" "don't say "I hate you back."" "'Course, you can, but just say it under your breath." "Or you'll scar them." "And they will testify against you." "And, uh, it's probably best that you don't keep any alcohol in the house, so I'm gonna help you with it." "You know, I think you're right." "I should just relax." "I'm gonna be fine." "You know, just me and my baby," "All alone against the world." "What do you mean?" "You've got your husband." "Yeah, but he travels all the time, you know?" "And, sure, I could hire all the nannies and caregivers I want, but they're not family." "And the good ones expect dental." "It's not like Reba, you know, who's got somebody..." "As loving..." "And as c-caring as you." "Hey, it's okay." "There, there." "Come on." "I'm just really scared, Lillie Mae." "I know you are, honey, but you're not alone." "You're right." "I mean, I guess you do live right next door." "Yes, we do." "And I know I will live to regret this." "But I'll be there for you." "You mean kind of like a surrogate mom?" " Oh..." " Oh!" "And Reba could be like my sister?" "Good, good." "Reba will be like your sister." " Focus on that." " Oh." "Lillie Mae, thank you so much!" "This is so exciting." "What do you want the baby to call you?" "Maybe "Granny" or "Nana"" "or... ooh!" "What about "Nana mae"?" "It's so cute!" "Yes!" "Nana Mae." "Oh, shoot." "Well..." "Now get used to it." "You're gonna have a baby." "That was fun." "Hey, Cash, why don't you and June give me and your daddy a minute alone." "Yeah." "Let's go for another drive." "Oh!" "Where should we go?" "Well, you can go to the dry cleaners." " I will so go pick up the dry cleanin'." " Yeah." "Oh, yeah, and the new hose is in for the vacuum cleaner." "The vacuum cleaner store." "That's even further away!" "Yeah!" "Well, since you're done with your joyride," "I have a few things to say." "Oh, boy." "I never liked hearing that." "Of all the bonehead things you've done, buying that car was the worst!" "I just gave my boy a generous gift." "And you know, he's running errands for you, so it's a gift for you, too." "No, it's not about the gift." "No." "You're above it all." "You think you can just waltz right in here and make a big decision like buying a car without checking with me first?" "Hello!" "I'm just here to drop off my grandmother's tres leches cake." "But I gotta go, 'cause she's waiting in the car." "Thanks, Geoffrey." "It looks delicious." "Uh-oh." "Did I just interrupt a down-home telenovela moment?" "Okay, I have." "I have." "Okay." "Oh, my gosh." "You know, just please continue," "I'm not here." "Geoffrey..." "Put the cake on the counter and go take care of your grandma." "She's fine." "I cracked a window." "Good afternoon, Mr. Gallagher." "I just want you to know that I do not approve of the way that you have treated this fine woman." "You know what, Geoffrey?" "I don't approve of the way I treated her, either." "Oh, my God." "He's so charming." "Look, Reba, you're gonna have to trust me on this." "I have my reasons for buying Cash that car." "Oh, I know you do." "Because you're a big hotshot." "No." "I was actually trying to help." "Help what?" "Spoil the kids and make me look bad?" "She's not gonna quit, Bobby." "Whatever it is, just tell her." "Okay, I'll shut up." "I'll shut up." "Okay." "Cash has been calling me." "He's unhappy." "What?" "He wants to move back to Nashville with me." "Grandma, relax!" "This is a very dramatic moment!" "Cash wants to move back to Nashville?" "He's been calling me, talking about how he didn't have any friends." "So I just thought if he had this nice car, maybe it would give his confidence a boost." "Maybe he'd make some friends." "Maybe he'd wanna stay here." "Well, why didn't he talk to me about this?" "Because maybe he needed his dad!" "I'm sorry." "I'm just getting all swept up." "Geoffrey?" "Yes, Reba?" " Would you give us some room?" " Oh." "So much room that I can't see you?" "Okay, I got it." "Look, Reba, I'm sorry." "But this wasn't easy, huh?" "Believe me, I'd love to have Cash move in with me, but I didn't want to break up the family any more." " Well, this is my fault." " Oh..." "I shouldn't have moved us out here." "How could I have not seen what he was going through?" "June?" "I thought you was out riding around with Cash." "I was, but he kicked me out of his car" " to make room for his crew." " His crew?" "You know, Skyler and Zack and the twins with the faux-hawks." "You see that?" "The boy's already got a carload of friends!" "It's working!" "Well, unless he just met all those friends at the dry cleaners right now," "I think somebody's feeding you a load of crap." "Don't you see what's going on?" "Oh, man." "Yeah." "No." "What's going on?" "Bobby, he knows we don't talk." " It's a scam." " Oh." "He's been playing you like a fiddle!" "Well, actually, he's been playing both of us." "Well, you more than me, but I'm just glad it's a scam." "So what do we do?" "We play him." "I love that idea." "So wait." "What do we do?" "Just follow my lead." "Oh, man, that car is a rocket... that I drove at a safe and responsible speed at all times." "Cash, honey, I need to talk to you about your car." "Well, I-I wouldn't feel comfortable letting you drive it, but I could take you places." "Well, you don't have to drive me anywhere since we're not gonna be living together." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I told your mom about our phone calls." "You... you did?" "Oh, I can't believe you've been this miserable." "I'm such a bad mom." "No... no, no, no, no." "You... you're a great mom." "Um..." "I'm just, you know, good at hiding my true feelings." "Hmm." "Me, too, buddy boy." "Me, too." "So anyhow, we talked, and mom gets it." "So pack up, man." "We're moving to Nashville." "Oh, yeah, and I already packed you some clothes so you could leave with your dad in the mornin'." "I'll ship the rest." "I'm gonna miss you, honey." "What... hey, wait." "What about you and... and June and grandma?" "And what about my friends?" "Oh." "Well, hang on a minute." "You told your dad you didn't have any friends here." "I don't." "Well, maybe a few." "Not as many as I'd like to have." "But more than... none." "Well, you've got a lot back in Nashville, and I think it's best that you go on back." "You'll be happier." "No." "No, seriously, I-I want to stay here." "I-I'm happy here." "How come you told your dad you're not?" "Because, uh, the..." "What's the amendment that you take when you don't wanna say?" "It's the fifth, but you don't have that option." "Why'd you lie to me, Cash?" "Because I wanted a car." "Well, guess what you just lost?" "What?" "Oh, dang it." "Take your stuff and go on upstairs." "Me and your dad need to talk." "Okay." "This is empty." "Oh!" "I should have checked it before I fell for your trap." "We're smarter than you." "We'll always be smarter than you!" "I can't believe he pulled the wool over my eyes." "Bobby, I know you meant well, and I appreciate it." "But buying that car was the wrong answer." "Well, I know that now." "Now, look..." "I promise, if an issue comes up," "I will talk to you first, all right?" "I won't try and protect you." "Good, 'cause I don't need protecting'." "I'm doing fine." "I've been working out." "I'm getting all toned." "I've been pilatin'." "Well, as much as I hate to say it," "I-I can't promise that I'm not gonna mess up again." "I mean, I'm new at this whole... divorce thing." "Me, too." "You think it gets any easier?" "I don't know." "My boyfriend Glenn says it does." "*" " Saying your good-byes?" " Yeah." "Well, you know, you still have your bicycle, birthday boy." "It is a pretty sweet ride." "You know, Cash, we realize that you're gonna have to have a car someday." "So if you get a job and you can contribute to it, then we'll talk about this again." "Or, just off the top of my head, you could keep the car." "Hey, I didn't keep your dad." "I'm dang sure not gonna keep his car." "Cash, I just want you to realize that, uh, what you did you can never do again." "Well, next time, I'll certainly plan it out a lot better." "Or, um, you know, never do it again." "Yeah." "Yeah." "You know, your dad and I may not be married anymore, but we're still your parents." "And we're gonna be talking a lot more moving forward." "I understand." "Mind if I have a moment alone with Mandy?" "Mandy?" "The car." "I named her." "Sure." "I'll just be in the kitchen with Antonio." "Antonio?" "The oven." "*" "Well, at least I've got three months to prepare myself, to get ready for any surprises that Bobby may have before June's birthday party." "Maybe I'll plan a surprise of my own for him." "I'll strangle him with one of those licorice sticks and then eat it and they'll never find the murder weapon." "Oh, mama." "You're so funny, mama." "Hey, sis, you know what?" "There is an actual Glenn, just so you know." "And I would not mind having him as my brother-in-law." "Did she just call me "sis"?" " Don't ask." " Nah." "Nah." "I don't wanna know." "I got you a gift." "You di..." "Aw." "You're so sweet, mama." " Don't call me that." " Okay." "Mama." "That's right." "Okay." "I'm gonna go check on the birthday boy and leave you two to your new scary relationship." "This is the only book you're gonna need on child-rearing." ""Rosemary's baby"?" "Comparatively speaking, it will never go as bad as this." "Let me show you the part where the devil does the horizontal mambo with the young woman." "Right here."