"The true spirit of an individual whose talent influences history often remains unexplained." "The exceptionality of their legacy goes hand in hand with the ways they differ from ordinary mortals." "Often in direct contact we don't understand them despite the fact they have entertained millions of people." "This film is my personal view into the spirit of a revolutionary photographer and remarkable person." "Although it's perhaps only one view out of a thousand it made sense to try." "present" "A SOMEWHAT TRUTHFUL Fl LM by Adolf Zika" "When the war ended we returned through a ruined land from an odd children's camp in Poland where we were without our parents." "On our way we saw terrible things and it seemed endlessly long." "I thought they would shoot both my brother and me." "I wondered if it would hurt." "I remember how our soldiers burned some German soldier to death." "They hung him by his legs on a post and poured gasoline over him." "He shouted: "Mutti, Mutti!"" "But soon after that the sun came out and I saw something that perhaps I wasn't supposed to see so soon." "TRAPPED B Y HIS PASSIONS, NO HOPE FOR RESCUE" ""Genius or czar?"" ""Saudek still shocks"" ""Saudek's last show"" ""Farewell Jan"" ""Saudek provocateur..."" "Some jerk grabbed the Minister of Culture at the Old Town Square to lure him to the National Gallery." "He said: "No, I want to see Saudek."" "And he replied:" ""But that's pornography!"" "That's simplistic." "Why does it sell for thousands of dollars if you can buy a porno magazine or a movie for ten dollars?" "Once I asked a factory workgirl whom I was more than working with what art was and she said:" ""Art is nonsense."" "That's a beautiful definition." "Let's stick to it." "I support the triumph of common sense." "That's urine from my ill female camel." "I raise my cup of Georgian wine to your health, Stalin." "Jan Saudek's studio under the Zizkov TV tower" "That's the real cocktail." " Jan, my entire body..." " Yes, I love all of you." " Wait." " Okay?" "I love and when I love I let the melons fall off the vine." "I've always been like that." "It's about time." "Young ladies, I have this plan and want to make this photograph..." "You will stand over me and pour on me this sacramental wine which I stole from a church, from the sacristy." "I'd love to be in bliss for a moment." "Oh, that's it." "Jan, what was your childhood like?" "Applauded by everyone?" "There wasn't any applause at all." "It was the worst time of my life." "My youth wasn't much better but I'd rather forget my childhood because people delude themselves that this period of impotence, dependence and humiliation was something beautiful." "It wasn't." "But the saddest thing is that already as a child," "I remember it exactly, already as an eight year old" "I desperately longed for a woman's crotch and I still do." "But back then it was not possible to fulfill this desire which was stronger than the war's chaos or so-called pals' bad deeds." "I looked very infantile and no woman or girl would, also for my innate shyness, want to accommodate me." "I remember as the war was ending we saw the Russian army advance." "They lie about it today." "Nobody wore a helmet on their head." "Everyone was drunk, even the German kids defending the Reich." "The only difference was Russians drank vodka and Germans schnapps." "But otherwise it was professionals against kids, at least in the end and there were many fallen ones." "I haven't seen so many dead since." "Where did you spend the war?" "In Prague but the last of it I spent in a small children's camp... in Poland." "There were kids from the Bohemian and Moravian Protectorate selected for medical experiments by that perverted Dr. Mengele." "The peculiar thing and what would be perfect for making it into a movie was that all those kids were twins." "Now I realize that there weren't any triplets or singles." "That's bizarre and it would make a very nice detail." "Where were your parents?" "Our father was with his last brother who after the war died of typhus, in Theresienstadt, in the Small Fortress prison, and our mother struggled somewhere in the country at her relatives." "My relationship with my brother?" "No doubt the biggest love of my life." "It can't be compared to love for women and children, some of my children." "It can't be compared." "It was an absolute love, crystal clear, exceptionally strong." "My brother was more famous, more talented with an athlete's willpower." " He was better in every way." " Did you inspire each other?" "Very much so." "Since we were kids we communicated in our own gibberish, incomprehensible to others." "It went on for a long time, ending when we both got married of course." "Women are behind everything, the women split us up." "It's a constant question whether at a crossroads we should choose to follow one way and not try two or more ways." "Running in all directions leads to staggering." "He should have made a choice because he was a talented artist." "He should have chosen his work and sacrificed the family just like I did and I don't regret it." "Yes, it costs some sacrifice but I haven't made any and I don't like to say it, it's nothing nice," "I have disposed of some burdens along the way, which helped me to achieve that little something in life." "For me he is living proof that love is not everlasting and that the energy goes elsewhere, it gets out of hand and then we have nothing left." "Only the burnt place remains." " What is it?" " That's my brother." "I had him secretly preserved." "You are not allowed to do that." "I left the rest of the bones in so it looks like he was beheaded, well, he has lost his head quite often." "He lost it for good." "This is Yorick, Hamlet's tutor." "Oh, brother, I can't be with you now." "I want to remember you forever as a beautiful boy with black hair." "You're so much better than I am." "Now that you are leaving you have changed so dreadfully" "I can't come to you." "We will see each other again some day." "Jan Saudek's apartment in a concrete building in Zizkov" " Hello." " Where is everybody?" "They will be here soon." "Only the guys are here." "I came early." " Here..." " A concrete building from the 80s, but at least you have a new elevator." " Brand new." "It's nice." " New and incredibly slow." "I can assure you that I can run much faster than the elevator." " Up the stairs." " I do it often and get no praise." " You have a botanical garden here." " I'm a botanist." "It's beautiful." "Let me lock the door behind us because somebody could..." " It's a bit like a wild forest here." " ...break in here." " And the parrots, where are they?" " The parrots are only a recording." "There is one over there." "I see one." "This is where you paint, in the hallway?" "Yes, I paint outside and live here." "This is my mare." "She was drowning in a bathtub, this lady." "She slipped, passed out and went under the surface." " When did you start colorizing?" " In 1948." " In 1948 you first colorized a photo?" " Yes." "But I didn't know the pictures must be a sepia tone, brown." "First you bleach out the picture then stain it with sodium sulphide, which has been done for 150 years." "but then you must air out the entire house for hours because great doses of hydrogen sulphide are released which is supposedly unhealthy." "But if I should care about what's unhealthy..." "I would think it'd take much longer to make the original picture." "Okay, my sweethearts, let's break." "G'bye, girls." "Johana Saudkova - Kaja Saudek's wife" "Jan's first wife went to school with Kaja and was in love with him." "Kaja had this habit of passing all the ladies he met over to Jan." "And Jan immediately moved in with Marie and married her." "Jan wanted to have a home base, a family, yet he also wanted fun." "On the other hand Kaja didn't want to have a family, he wanted freedom." "Samuel Saudek - Jan Saudek's oldest son" "My father is a mid-century man and back then - perhaps for the lack of other kinds of diversion - it was a gallant duty to satisfy every woman who showed some interest." "In the context of the present day everything is a bit different." "Did you believe it could be a stable and perfect marriage?" "I believed it for a couple of weeks until I started to cheat on my wife." "Of course when she eventually found out after a couple of years, she punished me in the right way, she banished me, impoverished me but she did the right thing because any woman would do that and I should have learned from it and not gotten into another liaison." "But I did it again and I will keep doing it until my time is up." "Jan Saudek returns on the day of his 72nd birthday to the place of his first exhibition in the legendary Theater on the Balustrade in 1964." "Please switch off your mobile phones." "Ladies and gentlemen, Jan Saudek." "Hello." "I've always dreamt of you taking my picture." " Why haven't you come?" " I didn't know how to do it." " Are you from Prague?" " I am." "Can we arrange something?" "It's a deal." "Are you free today?" " I will always make time for you." " That says it all." "Wait a second." "What do you drink?" "I don't really drink but I will with you." "Well, I drink too much." "So you will be sober and I will drink." "That says it all." "One more question." "Let's have one more question before intermission." "Hello, I am also free this afternoon." " Me too!" " You too?" "Then let's have a foursome." "Do you know how many legitimate and illegitimate children you have?" "Four are legitimate and the rest, you count them." "Four are illegitimate." "I like the last one." "I don't know if it's here." "It's in the back, sitting, lying, sleeping, drinking." "Lying and sleeping, I'll do the same soon too." "I'll drop on my ear." "If only one woman should remain in the world who would it be?" "That's a very serious thing." "I'd like it to be my last daughter who served a term in jail." "She's a good girl now, has two kids, healthy, expecting a third." "It might be a girl." "So I would let her survive because she would bring another child into a new world, hopefully a girl." "I can make boys, but girls are much harder to make." "Mr. Saudek, do you still steal your grandsons' girlfriends?" "What do you mean steal?" "Nobody can have a woman." "She is so free and intangible that "to have a woman" is nonsense." "I was allowed to look up to her pedestal, that's better put, but I didn't have anything." "People ask me:" ""Listen, Jan, you're such a womanizer" " "I live in Zizkov - "How many tramps have you had?" I count:" ""One, two, three, four, about five hundred."" "Did you become a puppet in the hands of ardent Miss Sara?" "I'm a toy in the hands of a widow." "Widow after me." "I'm broke again, no cars, no phone, nothing, but I have saved my bare life and hairy bottom." "Your photographs are morbid and trashy, they're terrible, but at one time you made some nice pictures that still get published." "Do you play on people's libido for commercial reasons or for depravity?" "I've been depraved from the start but I don't sell the pictures." "Now I make new things that will never reach my youth's excellence, just like I will never run as fast as I did when I was young." "That's the exact classification." "They're trashy and depraved, but for some reason people want bad things." "In some discussion I heard that you promote ugliness and skepticism." " Oh, that makes me sad." " You've pretty much answered it but I'm still interested in knowing what you think about this opinion." "A person can never be really ugly unless he gives up." "I truly believe that I portray people with respect, admiration and humility." "I would never release a photograph that portrays us in our misery, in humiliation or as truly perverted." "Violence is... strange to me." "After the appearance in the theater Jan went silent and didn't communicate for more than a month." "Eventually he contacted the director via a short letter and decided to continue shooting." "Jan?" "Jan?" " Yes, yes, yes." " Jan, are you here?" "Here." "Jan Saudek's summer residence in Mokrovraty" " I'm here." " Look at you." " After a month." " Man!" "Hello." "How are you?" "Is everything all right?" "Oh yeah, I forget fast." "At my age I can easily do that." "You sure gave us a hard time." " All is forgotten." "Come in." " Thank you." "I've thought about it a lot whether my pictures praise or glorify repulsiveness and ugliness but I don't see people that way." "I look at them with respect and I try to portray them that way." "And if somebody sees it differently then the ugliness is in his eye just like beauty is in the eye of those who see it." "If the photographs that say everything about me are not enough then I myself am uninteresting and unimportant." "What was the most difficult period of your life?" "I felt the worst, to my surprise, during those seven years after 1970 living in a cellar." "That was bad." "I even starved sometimes, not fatally but often I had nothing but bread and cheap marmalade." "But I learned a lot from it." "It was a time of poverty, which always stimulates a person to get out of that situation which I have done." " You didn't make money from photos?" " No." "Maybe others did." "Abroad they sold bootleg copies of my cards and posters, but not me." "Not yet." "You said that in life you had to give up many things, many relationships in order to achieve what you've achieved and to get where you are today." "What was the most difficult?" "Most of all I missed the children that were taken away from me as a punishment for my bad behavior." "That's nothing unusual." "It happened to me just like it happens to other adulterers." "I missed my children very much." "That scarred me badly and if I have any more children, I'll be with them as long as I can so I won't have to cry for them." "Matej Saudek - Jan Saudek's youngest son" " In a melodic counterpoint." " Wow." " In a melodic counterpoint." " You are really good." " Don't make fun of me." " No, really." "My reluctance to appear in public grows bigger and stronger." "I'm more and more timid," "I'm frightened by the company of people," "I'm worried about being ridiculed and perhaps beaten too." "Once I saw a movie where a lonely seagull fed on a dump site." "I was deeply touched by it." "I consider myself to be a lonely wanderer who shouldn't bother people with his existence." "I was wondering if you've ever tried to open up to someone completely." "To everybody." "Yes, I feel that as I grow older I am more and more honest." "I try to tell the truth to everyone." "To women that I love them which is very honest." "I've already done that a few times this week..." "By saying the word so many times, you downgrade it." "...in that moment I really love them, in that moment I am eager, impressed and captivated." "Do you realize that sometimes you are quite cruel?" "Yes." " You don't mind?" " I do." "I asked where the line is, or where a taboo begins..." "Is a line drawn at family?" " Not at family but..." " With family members?" "I remember when I was very young I hugged my brother." "It wouldn't be so bad." "I'm trying to drive at your kids, if that's where the line is." "If I fell in love with one of my children and the child without being forced would be willing to make love to me, I'd do it." "Is that a good enough answer?" " Sure." " Consider it done." "Now they won't be able to capture the sound, huh?" " Are you attracted to male beauty?" " Of course." "Do you think it's natural for artists?" "It's natural for everyone but we don't want to admit it." "Have you ever felt when you saw a beautiful male body that you wanted to touch it just like a woman's body?" "Hold on, it's not a beautiful male body that attracts me." "The body doesn't need to be beautiful, meaning muscular and slim." "We are led by the smell and in that sense" "I let myself be attracted to and have been attracted to male beauty." " Have you been with a man?" " Of course." "It was sometime in the 70s or 80s, "Pornographer" photography..." "I photographed a soft porn with a self timer because it was the high time for me to try it." "And then, when I was seventy, I photographed hard porn with a self timer too." "It's explicit, if I could use that word, you can see everything." "Arm in a sleeve, cock in the nest." "Do you remember the day when Sara first showed up in your life?" "I remember it very well." "Since the very first moment she seemed to me incredibly beautiful." "Even though the security force was supposedly dispersed, I thought that only they could send such a beautiful woman to spy on me." "Sara Saudkova" " Jan Saudek's ex-girlfriend and manager" "I came across some of his photographs and later even pictures of him and I fell in love with him." "I thought that a person who makes such amazing and ethereal pictures must be like that himself because the artist is reflected in his work." "So I longed to meet this guy, to see how he looks, what he does." "I wanted to know him." "He was of course hiding." "He thought that under that name, my first name, was another girl to whom he promised the earth and sky and of course he had his reasons to hide from her." "He was scared that I was the girl he was hiding from and as I was not giving up he eventually gave up." "He armed himself with a bunch of girlfriends so he wouldn't be scared in case there would be some confrontation." "I walked in, he invited me over." "He told me where I'd find him." "He expected someone else and I walked in." "I knew at once the fate that would help me to the top had come and if I ever went down it would be a steep fall." "The higher I'd be the deeper I'd fall, so it didn't matter." "Those several years, in fact more than ten years, were striking." "I had a partner who perfectly co-operated with me." "I didn't have the ambition to live with Jan or even connect our lives." "I didn't even think about it and maybe that's why it ended as it did." "I didn't go there with the aim to captivate him." "I just let nature take its course." "She came to my place and there were two ladies sitting on my bed." "I think one was not fully dressed." "From the start she had to know what was up." "She sacrificed a lot too because I don't know anything about her real emotional life." "But she knew she was going to walk a winding road for a couple of years." "She seemed so great to me that I thought she should carry that name, so she changed both her names." "She carries the name with honor." "Johana Saudkova - Kaja Saudek's wife" "I am glad nobody is a disgrace to the name Saudek." "Her name was Sarka Smesna which is a pretty common name in Moravia." "It's a very respectable name there." "Sara Saudkova" " Jan Saudek's ex-girlfriend and manager" "Shortly after we met he took me to Amsterdam where he had his agent back then." "I cunningly came with an old small suitcase." "Maybe Jan still has it hidden somewhere." "He never opened it and the suitcase stayed in his studio." "It was as if..." "It was as if he was doomed." "She was very girllike, to me she was very beautiful, young." "She was 24 and I showed her off there because Dutch girls are not the most beautiful and she looked better than all of them." "In a dump, under the tub roaches played rub-a-dub-dub." "They pissed and pooped in a thimble and lined the field, all nimble." "After more than 30 years Jan Saudek returns to the place where in the basement he spent the seven hardest years of his life." "What he couldn't see from his window he eventually caught in his pictures that subsequently made him world famous." " This is it, yes." " 142." "I have to take a picture of it." " Let's go." " So this is the place?" "Yes." " It's not familiar." "It's all purple." " What was here?" "Was it different?" "It looked terrible." "Here it is but it was different from the pictures." "But the window is original I can see the remnants of paint." "Upstairs lived a neighbor whom I went after." " Where?" " In that window." "Maybe she's there." " Darling, you're here!" "Hello." " You haven't changed a bit." "But I have, I've changed a lot." "I haven't seen you for so long." "Does Ms. Kubcova still live here?" "She does, but they amputated her leg, so she's in the hospital." "Poor girl." "I'm happy to see you." "Supposedly someone lives there, some tool maker but now it looks much better." "That was terrible, remember?" " What year was it?" " 1970 - 1977." " Don't drop it in there." " Further, further." "Here." " I see, this is how it looked..." " That's the very beginning." "Here." " Let's see it." " What remains?" "At least a distillery chimney is still here." "All that alcohol that must have been made there." "I can't be wrong." "Yes, this is it." "It's still used." "People walk here." "This is what you recognized it by?" "I just recognized it." "I can't be wrong." "This is the path." "This is how it looks 50 years later." "This is the path." "Here it came out into the sky." "Maybe it was a little lower." "That's not very interesting, is it?" "You expected some sensation." " Are you sure it wasn't elsewhere?" " Yes!" "It was here!" "Wow." "I don't know if he was on my right, I guess so..." "On the left." "Like this." " Let me stand there." " Here." "Because this is it." "This is the horizon." "This is the horizon." " No one would find it." " I did." "It's beautiful." " Who is on the motorcycle?" " My brother Kaja." "And the one coming out of the river?" " Is that you?" " Yes." "It's Self-exposure." "How does it feel to return to these places?" "This is a nice place." "Nothing has changed here at all." " Who is that little girl?" " The one expecting her third son." " Your daughter." " The criminal, yes." "The old criminal." "I paint what I couldn't see for years." "Marie Saudkova - Jan Saudek's youngest daughter" "I couldn't see a tree for all those years so now I have this great urge to paint too many trees." "Painting a sky, river or anything that I've missed, what one needs because if you only keep looking at a grey wall and a prison courtyard then you languish and want to see a sky, want to walk on the grass," "so I paint it over and over again and when I get tired of it," "I will move on but for now it will do." "Marie did 3 and a half years in jail because of her addiction to heroin." "Jan took it very hard and never visited her in prison." "It took several years before they found their way back to each other." " Do you think she loved Jan?" " Definitely." "First she was captivated by him." "She was his find." "She was a country girl who lived in a dorm," "Johana Saudkova - Kaja Saudek's wife suddenly she came to a completely new environment." "He was courting her." "He always liked redheads so he was her great admirer." "He has some character defects and has done a couple of boastful deeds for which you can forgive him, even for all the bad that's in him." "He has great qualities for which you can admire him and love him." "At the same time he reveals a great reservoir of bad qualities for which you could hate him and if you mix it all together you get an impressive being." "My husband told me that when Sara and Jan were still a couple" "Kaja told me:" ""Jan doesn't sleep with her."" "I said: "Come on, how could they be so touchy grabby like that then."" "We used to go for walks and Kaja'd say: "They don't sleep together!"" "I though:" ""Kaja is speculating again."" "I think it was the reason why Jan didn't have a love life with her, he had her, he did it with other women..." "He has a lot of feminine qualities, and thank God for it." "If it wasn't for that he wouldn't be able to get into a woman's soul and under her skirt as well as he does." "Sara tolerated it, she smiled about it but the truth is..." "She was a young woman who wanted to have a future." "She wanted to keep being Saudkova..." "Have you ever thought about having children together?" "No." "Do you think he ever thought about it?" "That he'd want that?" "We never talked about it, not that we would avoid it, we just never considered it and years later Jan explained to me" "that we loved each other, that we were so happy by ourselves that we didn't need a child." "And that's true." "She knew if she had another man, and I am pretty sure about it, and he wasn't his own blood, Jan would ruthlessly throw her out." "He'd be merciless." "When did you first meet Samuel?" " Do you remember?" " It was the same year I met Jan but back then Samuel was something like my stepson." "I've known him as long as Jan but in a different way." "Did you like him from the start or was it something else?" "Did you think that you and he could be..." "Back then he was still married to Ida, Samuel..." "I didn't think anything but I liked him." "Samuel Saudek - Jan Saudek's oldest son" "When Sara showed some interest," "I was surprised, I mean some basic instincts just don't go away." "Suddenly I realized that she was a nice girl." "What otherwise wouldn't be even possible" "I suddenly saw crystal clear." "Do you recall the day you told him you were expecting his son's child?" "Yes." "I have a bad memory but some details I recall very well." "How did he react?" "That evening he was resting in his studio, some girl or lady had just left after a party." "I came to him and told him that I had news for him." "I told him I was expecting a child." "He was delighted, and half asleep." "He had this nice smile and said: "A child will eat us all."" "I remember that." "Now that you're in a feather bed" "A truce between us can't be had" "Another of history's blunders" "That all will believe with wonder..." "Good, huh?" "Photographing Dominika - a somewhat truthful view - camera A" "So far she is one minute late." "Well, I haven't met the girl yet but being late is a terrorism which I can't tolerate." "So in four minutes I will write to her that I waited for 15 and will take a chance and go to the park to see if the lady is less than 13 minutes late but then I think I will not invite her back to pose for me." "Two minutes, we'll see." "I believe she'll come because it's not for free." " Hello." " Oh my god, you're still a child." "Are you at least 15?" "I am older than 21." "Hello." "I'm Dominika, nice to meet you." " I'm Soudek, come on in." " Soudek?" "Lubomir Soudek, take a seat." "I will pour you a true blue vintage." " Do you have a rosé?" " I do." " Then I would like some..." " I'm sure you're looking rosy." " Take a seat, I'll bring the wine." " Thank you." " Just curl up." " I'll wait, thank you." "Soon you will be napping." "Underage persons can't be served alcohol." " I said I turned 21 already." " I'm sorry for you, you are..." " Old, I know..." " You are not so young." " Sit and I'll tell you something..." " Will you have a drink with me?" "I'll be glad to but I usually drink only if it might lead to something." "Have you ever stood in front of the camera undressed?" " Unfortunately not or fortunately?" " I always do." " We'll be chaste about it." " I prepared for it a little." "How are we going to photograph it when we're alone?" "Good question." "The camera has something called a self timer and I know why they put it there a hundred years ago." "So we will use it and nobody will hear or see anything." "Okay." "This is it." "Great." "Photographing Dominika - a somewhat truthful view - camera B" " Hi, I'm Dominika, nice to see you." " Beautiful name, beautiful face." " Let me reveal something to you..." " Will you have a drink with me?" "I'll be glad to but I usually drink only if it might lead to something." "I'll have a smoke, three puffs are enough." "Wait, I can't fit this in my mouth." " Take a rest." "This is nice." " We have to prepare it." " I'm probably the youngest here." " Oh yes." "I'm youngest everywhere." " Careful, so they don't trip." " She is great, Bob!" "I was born in 1986, I'm a tiger in the Chinese horoscope." " And I am a boar." "Hippo..." " A tiger and a boar." "I will do you." " Yes, do me." " That's a beautiful wall..." " Bob, take it from the side." " Beautiful." "Youth and beauty." "Babe!" "Yes?" "Excuse me, camera!" "1, 2, 3, go!" " Wouldn't it be better from..." " It will be a beautiful picture." "I am so... very..." "I love you!" " That makes two of you." " I am really shy." "It won't show." " It won't show." " Wait!" "Only the fanny will be there." "That makes two of you." " And then I mind that..." " Hold on." "What's your sign in our horoscope?" "I'll tell you, Sagittarius." " Cancer, no, Sagittarius the archer." " How arch." " I'll try, and the young lady?" " You're Sagittarius." " Right?" "Yes." " Wait..." " I'm a bad archer." " Are you really an archer?" " No." "What then?" " I'm Aries." " No, I am Taurus." " Taurus?" "Born in May." " So let's get ready." " Should I take my clothes off too?" " We'll have to." "Everybody will leave." " Not me." "Wait." " I'll refocus..." " Everybody leave." " Only the crew will stay." " If they're closer, then refocus." "Cool, I got them there." " Can I bring the kid?" " You can." " Shall we rehearse it first or..." " Let's shoot it right away." "I will leave and will call you." " Wait a minute." " It's a boy's body." "Turn around, are you a girl at all?" "Yeah." " Are we in the center?" " Great." "Click, click, click..." " Great." "Good." " You are superb." "Perfect, thank you." "Your boyfriend is the luckiest man in the world." " He is a lucky man." " But I hope that you will..." "I hope you will invite me to the opening." " Why not?" " That's a beautiful scene." "Shoot it." " Talk with each other." " I hope you'll invite me too." " You are already invited." " I want it in writing." "But I can't write, only the director here can write." "Where is the director?" "Wait, I can't fit this in my mouth." "I'm probably the youngest here." "Now I have cramps in the other leg." "It's gone." "Those two years when his wife was alive, Sara stayed below the radar." "But the minute Marie died and Sara started to be open about being" "Jan's partner, that moment the split between Jan and Kaja began." "And in my opinion because they behaved as twins and everyone thought about them that way." "Suddenly they were fifty years old and Sara wanted to be number one, maybe Jan wanted that too and the only way to do it was to eliminate Kaja." "He touched the right chord inside of me in order to be able to follow what I was convinced of." "I live the way I want and won't let be forced into anything." "She has Jan's training and sees everything through his eyes." "She really likes that." "On the other hand when they lived together for those two years while he was still married, the man confides a lot of things to his new partner, tells her his dislikes." "And the woman, if she is smart, and Sara is smart, won't make those blunders and won't nag him about things the previous women did." "She very much established something new for Jan and he liked that." "I didn't come there to put things in order but when I see disorder, my common sense tells me to clean up because otherwise you can't find anything." " Was it all in chaos?" " Jan evidently lived in chaos." "People around him kept asking him for things and he didn't protest." "Suddenly, after a couple of years she totally changed." "They offered her the erotic show and she wasn't scared of people anymore." "But most of all she is incredibly strong-willed and very ambitious." "He is a person who handles a camera very well but he's not a like a businessman who negotiates and calculates." "He plays the ritual as if it's trivial, but it's a tough business." "No way, it wouldn't suit him and he would feel lost in it." "In 1989 Jan Saudek was already renowned all over the world, yet in his country he was pretty much unknown." "The Velvet Revolution brought him absolute fame but also the absolute loss of artistic privacy!" "The so called revolution in fact wasn't, only the neck ties changed and the new people were a bit younger and more handsome but what it really gave me was the gradual loss of omnipresent fear because I was scared that the security forces would come again" "and take away all my negatives because I always thought that the agents were interested in the pornography that I make." "But it was only individuals who were attracted and wanted to own it." "That is why they searched people who returned from abroad." "And 1989 definitely enabled me to photograph almost everything I was afraid to do until then." "So I had total freedom to photograph especially love scenes." "After 1989 you made a lot of quite sad or even angry pictures." "Some saw them as less full of life than those from earlier periods What happened?" "Youthful energy can't be in them, that would be lying." "I have to see the world through the eyes of an aging man." "I can't pretend I'm 25, though my physical activity is similar." "In photography" " I could portray children and joyful youth, motherhood or fatherhood but I don't believe in it much." "In fact I remain underground, I live a pretty modest life, you know how and self-indulgently enjoy life." "The last years and months I consider the best of my life." "For the motherland." "This picture always awed me and it was hard to find my way to it." "At first I was scared of it." "Even for me it was difficult to take, it took me a year before I lost my fear and before the girl lost her natural shyness." "Is there a story to it?" "As an eight-month-old, half of her body burned in fire." "She had to go through enormous pain." "But I wanted to show as an answer to Joel-Peter Witkin that in my view people are beautiful and I believe she is attractive." "She even found herself attractive." "Then she left and I've never heard from her again." "No strength." "It's not what it used to be sixty years ago." "Sara will destroy us all." "Believe me, Sara will destroy us all." "Everyone is the mother's son." "They even make plastic corks now." "But Sara Saudkova is a photographer too." "Is she torturing the family around her with it?" " Just like Jan "tortures" them." " Of course I torture them." "I am a nasty bitch who blackmails people and tries to get their soul." "Because I need to get it out of them into the photographs in an instant form." "I suck them dry, I'm a vampire, but I do it in an elegant way with a smile." " What about Samuel?" " Not with the smile of an idiot." "With the smile of a shrew." "I am a shrew who smiles and coldly aims and shoots." " The Order of the Knight." " I've always wanted to see it." "I will put it on my bare chest." " Don't." " RED HOT photographed me with it." "It will hurt a lot." "Can I touch it?" "It was given to me by Mayor Chirac, he's president now but not for long." "See how I can keep order." "Thank you." "This is all I can show you." "What can you show me?" "Nothing, really." "I can't even imagine that it would be different because if I would have a child with Jan" "I would deprive him of myself." "I would bind him to something he didn't want." "He doesn't like commitments, he takes everything too seriously." "I'd either devote myself to the kid and he'd hate being ignored by me." "He is still a little boy." "There's a little kid in Jan." "He is an ideal man." "A man who remains a child is great." "Then you need another man for the household." "Or I would make him commit to taking care of the child." "I'm sure he loves children very much but it would be a sin to put such a burden on him, so Samuel..." "Not that I picked him as some kind of stud to father my children." "It was totally spontaneous." "Women are cold-blooded." "They're close to being calculating and they're certainly stronger than men, see further into the future and their primary role is to take care of offspring which Sara does." "And if on the way a couple of heads roll and some old men fall apart and return to their prefab house, it doesn't matter." "I've always tried to build up Jan's self-confidence so he wouldn't doubt himself because he doesn't need to but he has those doubts in him and is not sure of himself." "Therefore he acts so dashing and cool but inside he has a very vulnerable and sensitive soul." "God knows if all that women hunting is really him or just a pose." "He doesn't open his letters because he's scared of the flood of emotions that would come out at him, all those tears, love and hate, that's part of love and he is scared of it, scared of real love" "and responsibility and pain." "I think she was born to succeed and nothing wins like success." "But she traveled a long way in fifteen or sixteen years." "A timid girl who lacked self-confidence - a twenty-four-year old - became an overconfident mother of many and in my opinion also a pretty good professional photographer." "I wish her luck with all my heart but our ways parted." "For a while they ran parallel and then they started growing apart and eventually we will go in totally different directions." "I can imagine him deeply loving a dog, a motherland." "He loved his father because he talks about him every day, maybe some of his children but distantly rather than truly." "He is a very peculiar person." "Sara and Jan haven't officially seen each other for over a year, their contact is limited to letters, faxes and text messages." "However, she is still his only manager and owner of the rights to sell Jan's photographs." "Sara Saudkova's opening" "It's not mine..." "It's not, huh, whose is it then?" " Who said it?" " The word got around." "To you personally?" " He is ugly and has a cone head." " You're kidding." "You talk with all kinds of strangers." "With Sara, Sara is a grandmother." " He is my brother-in-law, no?" " Yeah, I am her brother-in-law." "No, he is an uncle." " Open your eyes." " He doesn't want to." "Madam, let's start." "Sincerely, heartily and very cheerfully" "I welcome you to the opening of the Form of Love exhibition." ""Let me give you one more bit of advice:" "Do not marry." "Find yourself a handsome man and love each other, but believe me, marriage is not for you..."" "Hello, I brought back the puppet." "We won't need it anymore." " I guess I expected someone else." " Take care." "You too, bye." "Tell me, when did Jan laugh the most?" "He laughed most when he found out his bank accounts were almost empty." "Pavlina Hodkova - Jan Saudek's girlfriend" " When did that happen?" " About a year and a half ago." "What happened?" "The money disappeared." "Jan says who took the money..." " Where did it go?" " Nobody knows." "I can't tell where it went because it's not my money and I can't blame anyone." "I'm looking at these unpretentious and unskillful pictures." "I forgot how I made them but one thing I remember clearly." "I didn't make them for money." "Not even that unfortunate window, I didn't do that for money either because I didn't anticipate at all that there could be money in it." "But it came and now it's gone again." "What comes around, goes around." "But it was there once, so I can say with satisfaction that for some time," "not for long, I was a rich man." "It seems trivial to me to talk about work." "When you work, you might see the mark you made as late as one year, means above all to believe in it." "I'm not going to use words like love and happiness too often because they become devalued but we were really compatible because I have a lot of male traits and Jan has female traits so it fit like Ying and Yang." "You don't talk about happiness." "If you keep proclaiming it it's as if you took out a white flag and called out 'help, there is something wrong with me.'" "I have to get out of that poverty and I feel like a twenty-year-old who wants to buy some diapers for his newborn." "What are you painting?" "It's a cross, clock..." "To be honest, it's bullshit but it always sold so it will sell this time too." "When did you start painting?" "More seriously when I was twenty seven." "If you had a choice, would you be a photographer or a painter?" "Painter of course but I think I don't have the right talent." "How would you assess your pictures?" "Artless creation, as one critic said, "worthless figments of an old man."" "The first two things fit but I don't buy the old man." " Did your brother comment on them?" " He didn't like them." " In fact nobody likes them." " Yet you keep painting?" "I paint because I can make a living doing it." "I sell those pictures." "Why are people willing to spend so much money on your pictures?" "They spend millions for pictures so why not spend 50, 60 thousand?" "Dear, I'm warning you, and you laid my last wife into a coffin and you remember her angry expression." "Now you are in her shoes and want the same thing, me dead, and that's not good." "Neither you nor I can live with that." "But I'm not going to give you that joy." "I won't give you the pleasure." "It will come, of course, but by then we will be apart thousands of light years." " Jan?" "We should go." " Oh yes." "I think he loves him." "I mean he doesn't know it yet." "The baby or Jan?" "I think the baby senses it, he feels it." "Jan has his doubts." "He's not sure one can have such strong feelings in such a short time." "But almost every day he prepares his bath if he can." "Pavlina Hodkova - Jan Saudek's girlfriend" "And if he can, he talks to him and caresses him, holds him." "Does he enjoy it?" "Did you know Lilies of the Valley potion, even the leaves, is poison?" "Jewish graveyard, Prague" " Olsany" "It's like in Dance of the Vampires where a poor Jew is in the count's coffin." "My parents moved in on Aunt Schwarzkopf, you see, here they are, in there and my brother thinks it makes no sense to come here." "My father couldn't sing or dance but he was a genuine man." "I can sing, I dance and I think I am deceitful and dishonest." "He was a top person." "That's why I think of him more than others." "My brother was like that too." "He taught me to reach for the horizon, that we can't stop." "That's what the road is for." "Your last marriage ended tragically, your wife committed suicide." "No!" " She died of unexplainable..." " The one before her killed herself." "Yes." "And the reason for that suicide was that you tormented her?" "I'd like to say that most of her relatives hanged themselves," "I sense that on her father's side it was kind of a habit." "But I was accused of it and I take the blame on myself and when I see her again I will humbly apologize to her." "I think in that family people are respected and seen after death." "As soon as someone dies, he is often visited at the cemetery." "He is praised and remembered but while he's still here, no one cares." "A person receives attention the moment he is gone." "About the woman after whom you are the widower you could say that she tortured herself to death." "That's it, I even heard that I poisoned her but that's exaggerating, I didn't go that far." "Yes, she tortured herself to death she really tortured herself to death." "We were pretty much enemies and I laid her in her grave and during the ceremony they said:" ""Say your final good-bye to your mother."" "I loved this girl very much." "She is the one who Sara put in her coffin..." "Your last wife?" "Last wife, as you can see, she lived a very short life." "Jan's second wife Jana with whom he had two children, committed suicide." "His third wife Marie died of complete organ failure when their daughter Marie was 15." " How often do you come here?" " Often." " Definitely every week." " Really?" "On the way here I go to see my ex-mother-in-law who hated me and my parents and possibly if I have time and some flowers, I put them on Jan Palach's grave who is in the cemetery we visited recently." " Are those two deaths haunting you?" " Yes." "Often the ladies come, decayed and in torn gowns, and imply that I should follow them." "All the way to the end." " Do you feel guilty?" " All the time." "But remember whatever you do you in your life you will always regret it." "If I'd stayed in my first marriage and behaved well" "I would hate myself now for all those things I would have missed." "Is it coincidental that your last wife has a symbolic gravestone here?" "No, I wanted it that way and I am glad because I think of her a lot and today we will photograph her daughter for some foundation for free again." "It's moments away and so I am really delighted that you'll not only see her mom's grave but also her in the bloom of youth." "I think you will like it." "Once all these scamps sleep in their graves, you'll be at your peak." "And a hundred years from now none of us will be alive." "Why are we going to Olomouc?" "For sentimental reasons." "Sunday 10.6.2007" "Today, but earlier in the morning, it's 50 years since I said good-bye to my love of one evening but it was very strong." "I was going back to Prague and she stayed in Moravia." "Back then we promised to each other in the middle of kisses and morning dew that we'd meet there again in 50 years, if we were still alive." "If she remembers it will be the most beautiful moment in my life." "I hope she'll recognize me." "I don't remember her face." "I remember only that early morning moment." "If we're lucky and it's why I drag you with me, you will record this dream coming true, which rarely happens and seldom to me." "It was a story of one night and those are often the most powerful." "Unfortunately women don't like that." "They want a lifelong story, but men don't." "For me it was a story of one sleepless night and morning." ""My dearest, I've forgotten your name, but the town where I wanted to meet you again after so many years I will not forget as long as I live."" "I've always foolishly believed that night is my kingdom, that it surrounds me, that it will pamper me, that in the darkness, my defects and ugliness won't be so visible," "that the night will embrace me and will carry me." "Today I am scared." "Even the birds cry in horror at the morning light." "Maybe." "I was never a bird." "But I wanted to fly and at night half asleep I succeeded." "I was flying, not very high above the ground but I was still flying." "But then naturally came the dawn, the daybreak and that's the time when all our beautiful dreams must go to sleep." "Dolfie, tell me..." "I am wandering around here, tell me, are you local?" " Yes, I am local." " No, ask:" "Are you local?" "My friend, are you local?" "No, I ride the smoker to the end." " How did you know about the butt?" " I've run by it several times." "I don't know if I achieved something," "I seriously doubt it." "After all in the best scenario the photographer's photos are known but never who is behind them, the creator, who wants to be greeted and perhaps praised." "I've desperately tried all my life in my homeland to achieve." "And now at the end" "I worry that this entire effort was all in vain." "That short time while I was watching a woman's behind with admiration, my life slipped between my fingers." "In 1990 in Paris, Jan Saudek was the first Czech to receive after the Velvet Revolution the French Order of Arts and literature." "He was followed by writer B. Hrabal and ex-president Vaclav Havel." "In 1992 Jan Saudek's window inspired the band R.E.M." "who showed it in their video Losing My Religion." "In 1998 Jan Saudek was included in the Absolut Vodka family, his photograph Absolut Saudek together with his interview was published in the American TIME magazine." "In 1998 the Czech Republic held Jan Saudek's last official exhibit." "He donated the auction profit, almost 8 million crowns, for bone marrow transplants." "Jan Saudek published 20 books which are sold all over the world." "The number of Jan Saudek's books, calendars and posters sold exceeded a million pieces long ago." "Although he is represented in many prestigious galleries and museums all around the world, his work is not in the Prague National Gallery." "The producer formally asked for an interview for the film about Saudek but the director of the National Gallery, professor Milan Knizak, refused." "Professor Milan Knizak is the second husband of Jan's first wife Marie." "He raised Jan's sons Samuel and David." "Jan Saudek's twin, Kaja Saudek, due to an unfortunate incident, two years ago fell into a coma that lasted two months." "At present, he rests in the intensive care unit of the Motol University Hospital in Prague." "His family still believes that a miracle will come true." "Kaja Saudek is still considered the king of Czech cartoons." "Sara is still Jan Saudek's only manager." "She has three children with Jan's son Samuel at the edge of a nature preserve." "Samuel still lives in his apartment in downtown Prague." "He comes daily to see the children and Sara." "Sara wants to keep delivering children and remain a single mother." "After finishing the documentary, Jan moved out of his flat of 17 years into the old villa where he lives with the family of his daughter Marie who conquered her heroin addiction." "PO.E.TA 2008"