" My name is Larry banking." "But don't be fooled by that pollack last name," "I'm about as American as fake tits and cheap beer." "Now I ain't gonna lie to y'all, I'm pretty fucked right now, and I'm damn sure this big son of a bitch ain't fixing' to let me catch my breath neither." "Hell, I can't say I blame him." "I probably shouldn't have been fucking his wife, especially after I found out his nickname was Bigfoot." "I guess I'm gonna be dyin' young, just like my daddy." "Except he was droppin' a deuce, nine 8-balls in on a two day coke binge, he had himself a heart attack on the god damn commode." "Now I never heard him say it or nothin', but I bet you that's how he wanted to go." "Just like Elvis." "After daddy died, we were so poor, we didn't have two nickels to rub together to start a fire." "Course, that ain't how you start a fire." " But I'd appreciate it if you guys wouldn't be assholes today, all right?" " Mamma lost the trailer, so we moved in with uncle Ronny." "He wasn't no uncle." "That dude was the DJ from the strip club she started dancin' at." " Ya'll gonna have to share that couch 'til your mama cleans out that room with all the cat shit in it." " Don't be shitheads to your uncle Ronny, all right?" " Damn right, all right." "Watchin' you, boy." " Come to think of it," "I think he was selling ecstasy or something, too." "As soon as I could get out, I was gone, boy." "Moved my country ass to the big city." "They call Atlanta new York of the south," "Phoenix city." "That damn burning' bird is on god damn everything." "During the civil war it was a major military supply hub." "Had Sherman not burned that son of a bitch to the ground, we might be living in the confederate states of America." "Just sayin'." "First job I got was at a porn shop." "Now I'd seen porno, hell, everybody gotta release the demon sometime." " You got anything where the woman dominates the man by making him wear a horse mask and then kicking him in the balls repeatedly until he pukes?" " I wasn't ready for that shit uh..." "Now, granted, I was sheltered." "I was born and raised in Gainesville, Georgia, the poultry capital of the world." "But I'd seen spank mags and stuff." "Hell, Ronny had a serious porn stash, one that might rival the most compulsive of the compulsive masturbators." "This was something else, I couldn't do that shit." "Hell, no." "Hey." "Hey, heard you guys are hiring?" " Ok" " I'm serious, I need to work." " White boy, you must be trippin'." " No, I'll do anything you guys need me to do." " All right, start pickin' up these leaves." "All right, guys, break time." " He might make it past lunch, but he won't be back tomorrow." "His nose gonna be so runny." " Aw, man, he ain't got no hat, man." "Dude got no coat!" " Nobody thought I'd last two days out there on that roof." "I worked that job for five fucking years." "We actually ended up being friends." "In fact, my boy Richard's sister introduced me to this girl named Stephanie." "Hello." "We hit it off, man, fast." "Maybe a little too fast." "She got pregnant, we got married." "She had a miscarriage, we got divorced." "Best move of my fucking life." "Never forget that when you marry someone, it ain't just them, it's their entire god damn family you're gettin' hitched to." "And her family was fucking nuts." "Her daddy was a taxidermist, he had a whole room with all kinds of weird shit in it, possums, dressed-up raccoons," "I think he had a fucking buffalo, you name it." "It's creepy as hell and dead as fuck, her daddy got a stuffed one." "Something ain't right with a man who gets off playin' with dead things he finds on the side of the road." "Her mama was just as bad, except she was a religious nut two steps away from being that psycho mother in that movie Carrie." "And I'm talkin' about the one with sissy Spacek, not that shitty remake with the bitch from kick-ass." " Oh father in heaven, lord of lords, king of kings," "oh divine benevolence, root of David, sweet lion of the tribe of Judah," "bless our food and forgive us our sins, for we know we our horrible, evil sinners who deserve to have our eyes plucked out, and our souls cast into the fiery trenches of hell, to be slowly cooked alive and sodomized by Lucifer" "and his many legions of demons forever and ever." "Amen." " Amen." " Amen." " All right, who's ready for dinner?" "This looks delicious." " After the divorce was final," "I moved in with this dude I found online, Harvey." " What up, bro, welcome to the titty tent." "Hope you brought penicillin." " He was a pussy-hound, boy, chicks were coming in and out of our apartment like we was having a fucking fire sale." "I don't know what that dude was doing, but whatever it was, it was working." "He was gettin' so much tail, that shit was tricklin' down on to me." "It was like god damn Reaganomics except with pussy." "Gettin' laid was great and all, but I was broke as a joke, boy." "I was still doin' roofing, and I wasn't paying too much for my room with Harvey, but that bitch lawyer got me by the balls during the divorce." " We won't be satisfied until we have his nuts." " What, oh no, be reasonable, they weren't even together for very long." " Be reasonable, is that what lawyering is to you, Jack?" " Yes." " Reasonable?" "You know what's reasonable, leaving you, like your wife did." "That's reasonable, you know what else is reasonable?" "I don't want just his nuts, I want your nuts, too." "You remember what nuts are Jack, those are those two things in your throat that you have to cough up every once in awhile." "And I want your dick, your little shriveled up baby dick that you can't get hard anymore." "So take your little boy hands, and reach into your diaper that you're shitting yourself in right now and pull out your baby dick and cough up your nuts and let's make a deal." " Yes ma'am." " Are you fucking crying', right now?" " No." " Do you wanna go get pizza?" "Me, too, thanks guys." " I wouldn't be surprised if she went home at night and took cute little innocent puppies and drowned 'em in her fucking tub." "I hope that cold-hearted bitch gets mauled by a god damn mountain lion." "Shit was gettin' rough." "Sometimes I was payin' for gas and smokes with change I found in the couch." " Hey, mister?" "" " Yeah, buddy?" " Will you buy me a six-pack?" " No." "" " Hold on, a six-pack is worth, what, eight bucks?" "I'll give you thirty bucks, keep the change." " Now I ain't tryin' to be a bad guy, and I ain't tryin' to be a bad influence, neither, but I just figured, fuck it." "Yeah, all right." " Yes." " Next thing I knew, I had a little business goin'." "And business was boomin' boy." "All right, now normally the 40s are 20," "I'm sold out of six-packs right now, you can get a fifth for $50 or a handle for 100." "On account of it bein' the holidays," "I'm doin' a 20% discount, what you guys want?" " I want a beer - whiskey." " Word spread like a damn field fire in California." "In just two months, I was supplying' teenagers with booze in six different counties, for real, man." "Now try to keep in mind," "I wasn't tryin' to do nothin' wrong, it's not like I was sellin' drugs to little kids." "Hell, I don't even mess with drugs, man, and god knows I could have gotten into that shit." "I tried it once or twice, I didn't like it." "My brother Victor, though, took to that shit like a fish to fucking water." " 20 bucks." " Yeah, yeah, bro, this shit better be good." "Last shit you gave me wasn't." " When he was a teenager, he started stealing from Ronny's stash and selling it at school." "He'd be tripping out if I told him what I started doin'." "I quit my job and went full-time booze bandit." "It was excitin', man." "I felt like Bo and Luke Duke running' from boss hog." "Minus the shitty blue jeans and faggy hair, no offense." "Those Vietnamese dudes at the liquor store must have thought I was a serious alcoholic," "I was blowin' a thousand dollars a week, and not on expensive shit, neither." "Life was pretty kick-ass, I was making hand-over fist money and was still bangin' tons of chicks." " Bro, got this mad kinky bitch in my room right now," " shit is going crazy." "" " Hell, yeah." " She's lettin' me fuck her like Anthony Bourdain," " fucking no reservations." "" " Nice." " The shit's good." "Here's the thing, though, she's like a little bit married." " Harvey." " Here's the funny part, her husband," " his nickname's Bigfoot." "" " No." " Here's the funnier part, she wants you and me to fuck her together." " Man, I don't think I'm interested in fucking somebody's wife." " Dude, come on, it's not a third-party's responsibility to make sure that your girlfriend isn't a whore." "Now let's go fuck this dude's wife." " One thing I could say about Harvey, he always made a good point." "But if I had to pinpoint the moment that shit spun totally out of control, this was definitely it." "Her appearances started to become more frequent." "Sometimes I'd fuck her, sometimes Harvey'd have a go, but most of the time she wanted to be plugged like a damn electric socket you were trying to keep the kids from touching'." "But today, that shit was not her." "Huh?" " Motherfucker, huh, you like to fuck people's wives?" " Who the fuck are you, what the fuck are you talking about?" " You like to fuck people's wives?" " Now I ain't exactly sure how he found out, but with a wife like that, you know you would be suspicious." "Harvey was right, though." "It wasn't no third-party's responsibility to make sure that your wife isn't a whore." "But what he left out is if you go porkin' someone's wife, just know that one day you might have to fight that dude." "And when that day comes, that son of a bitch might kill you." "But like I said, I can't blame him." "Probably shouldn't have been fucking his wife." " My name is Alaina Sage." "I know it looks like I'm being a total mega-bitch right now, but trust me, this asshole deserves it." "He said his name was Jimmy, but who knows." "I told him my name was Melissa." "Guys like him are animals." "They only want one thing, pussy." "And once they have their little squirt, then they want you to just, like, fuck off." "And sometimes without even giving you any cab money." "Well, Mr. blonde hair found out that this pussy costs a little more than, like, a few watered-down vodka tonics." " Hey, whoa, hey." " Unh, please." "I'll never forget the first asshole that burned me." "All night long, all he did was talk about all the game the other guys were spitting and how he was different." "He wasn't just trying to get in my pants, he thought we had a connection." "Harvey Schindler." "And I fucked him, thinking he was telling the truth." "Thinking he was going to call me and that it would blossom into like, a steamy romance." "Love at first sight." "And one day we would tell our kids it's how we met." " Hey, sweetie, I'm home." "" " Hi, honey." " Oh, come here, how was your day?" "Oh, where's the rest of my perfect biracial family?" "Mason, Dixie, daddy's home!" " Da, da!" " Hey, you guys!" "I gotta get a picture of you guys, oh my goodness." "Get in with mommy." "You guys look amazing, you ready?" "Say cheese." " Cheese." " Oh my god, your dad's gonna love these." "If you know who that is." "Oh my god, this is amazing, you're like a model without the eating disorder." "Mmm, I'm gonna show this to everyone." "Well, I gotta get out of here, smells a lot like jizz." "Ma'am." " Like, how fucking naïve could I be?" "And if the fact that I walked all the way back to my dorm room, like, totally humiliated wasn't enough, that dickless little prick posted the picture online and turned it into like a fucking game or whatever." " Stupid bitch." " And that shit blew up." " Holy shit, dude, check this out." " Holy fuck, I've got biology with her, man." " Dude, I totally fucked her." " No way, man." " Why you gotta lie about stuff like that, man?" " Overnight, people started making their own versions, and by the end of the week," "I was, like, ruined." "I mean, some of them, like, really hurt my feelings." "Everyone started thinking I was, like, a total airhead, nympho slut or something." "I don't think I talked to anyone for the rest of the semester." "But that didn't stop these assholes, mmpmm." "They just kept right on being the needle-prick little shits that I thought that they were." "You fucking kidding me?" "And like at first, I thought I was being singled out." "Like I was being punished for, like, being a bitch back in high school or something." " She sent you a tit pic?" " Dude, I got twat shots, too, bro." " You guys ready to eat?" " Man, I been eating pussy all day." " Well I hope you saved room for our tacos." " Dude, we're gonna need a few minutes, man." " No problem." "" " I like that guy." " I do too, he looks like my dick." "So, are you fuckin' her?" " Of course, I'm fuckin' her, man, this chick's like my personal skeet trap, bro." " My man, boom." " Yeah, last night I'm fuckin' her face, right, so I pop my dick out of her mouth, and then I shove her head down to my butt hole, she's down there just making out with my ass" "for like, 15 minutes, dude, she comes up, she says, like, "when's it gonna be my turn?"" "I'm like, bitch, this is your turn, oh, nailed it." " It was awesome." "" " You told her." " I did, I told her what was up, flipped her over," "I got my brown belt, mmm, mmm." " One day, everything just, like clicked." "Guys are all just stupid, disgusting, self-absorbed fucking pigs." "They weren't just doing this to me, mmpmm, they were doing this to, like, all womankind, and they always have been." "I can't believe it took me so long to wake up." "And listen, now I know I'm starting to sound like some butch, dick-hating dyke, so let me take a second to make it totally clear, I'm so not a lesbian." "I, like, definitely put that dildo care basket to use." "I even had little names for them all." "There's Justin Timberdick," "Ryan Ballsling," "Jackie Changilingus, he was little, but he could kick ass." "And, of course, my favorite, big daddy Kane." "Now some people might think I was being a total drama queen about it, but like, what the fuck?" "Guys should not be able to treat us like that and get off Scot-free, like for real." "They just get to be total chauvinist assholes and society is like, it's whatever, that's just like, how guys are." "I say, fuck that shit." "Someone needed to teach these fucktards how to act right." "Hey, so sorry, I couldn't help but overhear all this throat-fucking talk." " Oh, shit, yeah." "" " So hot." " What's up, that was me, I fuck throats." " I bet you have a big old dick." " Yeah, all right, you, you are correct, yeah." " He's hung like a horse." " All right, yeah, welcome to the smash pad" " oh, yeah." "" " Oh, shit, girl, I knew you were a freak but you don't waste any time." "All right, yeah, get that belt off, damn." "I'm gonna have to take a selfie, soon, whoa." " I'll admit, at first," "I didn't know exactly what I was doing." "But I, I, it just felt like it was my calling to do it." " So fucking good, I'm fucking ready, baby, do it, baby." "Oh, oh, you fucking bitch!" " My heart was pounding, my endorphins shot through the roof, like," "I had tried some drugs before, I even tried ecstasy once, but this, this was the highest I'd ever been in my entire life." "How's it feel to be helpless and afraid, you fucking prick?" "I felt like a hero, like I was a vigilante for all womankind." "Of course, I got kicked out of school, that was like a total buzz kill." "In fact, I got arrested." "My parents were super-pissed, but what do they expect?" "You think preacher's kids are messed up?" "Mine were missionaries, I didn't even call them." "They were both just so sheltered," "I knew they wouldn't understand this." "Like one time, I came home drunk" " when I was 16." "" " We didn't raise" " you this way." "" " You would have sworn that the world was ending." " We brought her all the way from Zimbabwe and look what she's done to us." " I know, I know, your mother and I are disappointed." "You can see how disappointed she is, and if you multiply that by 10, and bury it inside of yourself, that is how I feel about what you've done." "Disappointment and anger." "It's Disa, it's primarily, disappointment is the frosting on the cake of the anger" "I have in my heart for you right now." " You have cake?" "I saw you, I saw the neighbors see you," "I saw your mother, we all saw each other, and that is when I baked that cake of anger." "We're taking a break, we're done for now while you take a cold shower, your mother and I are still gonna be at it out here." "If that makes you feel any worse." " You learn really, really weird things in jail." "Like if you wrap a paper clip around the end of a pencil, and put like a piece of toilet paper in there." "Sparks, flame, cigarette, right?" " You're smokin' - we're smokin'." " You are smokin'" " we're smokin'." "Fuck, fuck!" "Fuck, help!" " Sarah saved my life." "If it wasn't for that girl, I would like totally be dead." "And like, I would never have the chance to find my calling." " Somebody help!" " I was resuscitated and spent the next three days in the boom-boom room." "And like, all I was trying to do was light a cigarette." "Jail is so super fucking gay." "When I got out, my parents totally cut me off." "Like, they wouldn't pay my cell phone bill or anything." "But you know, I wouldn't be surprised if Joan of ark's parents cut her off, too." "I wasn't out of jail for two weeks before some creep pulled some shit." " You know, I am just dying to know what a beautiful, ebony, Princess like yourself is doing in a bar by yourself, huh?" "It's awful, hey, let me get one of those, too." "Thank you." " I could tell right away this guy was gonna be a major douche bag." "But at the same time," "I, like, needed some major dick." " Feel that white power?" " Kind of." " Oh my god." " Fuck me like it's 1847." " Jesus, holy shit, oh god, ok." "Wow, that was great, thank you." "You're awesome, good job." "Wow." "You have some fantastic pussy, and don't worry, we will do this again, but, you know what time it is." "Wifey time, unfortunately." " I'm sorry, what'd you say?" " My wife." " You have a fucking wife?" " Yeah, really?" "You know the game, how do you spell Uber?" " You brought me back to your house and fucked me in the bed that you share with your wife?" "Where's your pictures at, you're not even wearing a ring." " Ok, all right, cab maybe?" " Oh my god." " Phone's not working." "Where's your phone, you got a phone, don't you?" "Just gotta get you, a..." " you are such a motherfucker, I swear." " Oh my god." "" " Yeah, you gotta go," " seriously, sorry." "" " You, fuck you." "Ok?" "Fuck you, motherfucker." "How dare you bring me back to your fucking house, no ring, do you hear me?" "Fuck you dude, do you hear me?" "You wanna just fucking pass out now?" "Huh?" "Passed out?" "Hey." "How was I supposed to know this asshole had a bad heart?" "I didn't mean to, like, kill him, it was, like, totally an accident." "I knew the judge wouldn't think so, neither would my parole officer," "I didn't want to go back to jail, but I didn't feel guilty about it, why would I?" "That cheating son of a bitch got what was coming to him." "There's like, no way this was the first time he had fucked around on his wife, I mean, honestly." "Fuck me, huh, fuck you." "In college, I felt my calling, but now," "I knew my purpose." "So I went straight to the spa." "Got my nails did." "Got a couple, like, really cute outfits." "Just really spoiled myself." "It was the first time in a very long time that I felt peaceful." "I felt true happiness." "I have heard of people being addicted to heroin, but I, I got addicted to, like, being a heroine." " All right, I brought you a wide array of weapons, anything you need to drop a man." "Let's start over here with the rifles." "This is a Mossberg, 12-Gauge shotgun, it's pump-action, it's also got a sliding stock." "This is an Ar-15, semi-automatic and a magazine full of ammo." "It's not a magazine full of ammo." " I'm sorry, I needed the bag." " All right, we'll get you a magazine full of ammo." "Anyway, this has got a red-eye scope on it, it's very nice standard issue." "This here is a Saiga, 12-Gauge shotgun, it's got a folding stock, it's also got a snub-nose which makes it highly illegal." "We'll go over here to the semi-automatic pistols." "These are .45s, really nice guns, these are nine milimeters, that's a Luger, that's another .45." "Those are a couple of revolvers, those are .38 specials." "They don't have hammers so they won't get caught up in your pocket, and that right there is a Smith  Wesson 500, it's got enough fire power to drop an elephant and any ex-boyfriends you might come across." " What is this?" " Not for sale." " It's my brother-in-law." " These assholes did not have a clue what was coming." "The new age is here, so say goodbye to the days of like, treating women like meat." "No longer will you just get away with using us like a jizz-rag and, like, getting praise for it like you're a fucking Olympic champion." "Mmpm, I'm not gonna let you." "Those fuckers have had more than their day in the fucking sun." "It's disgusting, they think it's perfectly fine to masturbate with our bodies like we're their personal fuck-puppets?" "Well now you're the fuck-puppets, bitch!" "I bet the stiletto feels real different on the other foot." "Thanks for the cash, though." "And you better hope to god you don't cum before me." "I only do it quick for the guys who at least have the decency to, like, I don't know, get me off first before blowing their nut all over my back." "But even the most generous reach around isn't gonna make up for, like, all the pain and suffering." "Yeah, right, none of these assholes are off the hook, and this has been, like, a long time coming." "Like, seriously, hundreds of years or something." "It's a well-known fact to any church-going person that Satan and all his evil is kept right there in your testicles." "For real, like, that's why Mary had to be a virgin." "I know some people might think I'm like a bad person or whatever, but I know in my heart that this is god's plan for me." "It's like, cast out all the wicked." "It just turns out that they're all wicked." "I couldn't have been happier, at the top of my game and on a hot streak." "Like, really kicking some ass, nothing could get me down." " We are gathered here today to honor the life and memory of Sarah Whitley." " And then I found out that Sarah had died." "Apparently she had died of an overdose." "It was like her third time od-ing or something." "They took her to the hospital, but I guess it was just too late." "And it sure as shit wouldn't surprise me if it was some fucking man taking advantage of her who gave her the drugs." "Fucking pigs." " Yeah, I remember, first time I met Sarah." "It was summer camp, and I always hated summer camp, but she made it fun, man." "I remember one time, this guy there, uh, one year titty-fucked her, and uh, like, you know where his ass is down the stomach, there was this big shit stain all down her stomach," "and everybody called her skidmark for like two years." " Jesus Christ, man" " maybe that's not the kind of stories we're telling." " Yeah, maybe not, asshole." " Yeah, I'd like to propose a toast." "To Sarah, y'all, titty-fucking was the least of her qualities." "Hello." "What you doin', how did you know Sarah?" " I met Sarah at summer school." " You ok, you need me to call a cab for you or somethin'?" " I could just go home with you." " Oh, uh, I'd love to, I would love to, but I don't know if this is..." " shh, I heard you were a bad boy." " Nah." "" " And that you were out on bail." " So?" " Yeah, I mean, a little." " I'm drunk, and I know what I want." "Most of my kills were special in their own little ways." "But this one was in loving memory of my home girl, and something about that made it feel, like, totally extra special." "I know I'm doing a good thing, but I have to admit," "I do cum so much harder knowing that the guy's about to die." "I've actually orgasmed after sex when I'm killing them." "Is that bad?" "And like, call it female intuition or whatever, but I always knew in the back of my mind that I would end up like a martyr." "All the great ones always do." "I guess it's true what they say, the lord works in mysterious ways." " My name is Victor banking, and there is nothing I hate more than gettin' pulled over." "Man, it's fucking terrifying, as the blue lights cut on behind you and all of a sudden your heart sinks down to your throat, and your asshole tightens up like the fire marshal after that Whitesnake concert," "you immediately start coming up with an alibi." "Especially when you been drinkin' a little bit, but definitely when you got a kilo of premium uncut Peruvian cocaine hidden underneath your car seat and a dead motherfucker in the trunk." "Should have never answered that phone call, man." "I was still on probation for a possession charge, too." "Nothin' big, cops spotted a roach in the back seat of my car, and apparently in Georgia, you can go to jail for having even a seed of that shit." "This is Victor." " Vicki, what's happening, baby, it's t.J." " Oh, shit, hey, what's up, man?" "I was 18 when I met t.J." "I got busted selling pot." " What's going on in here, gentlemen?" " Oh, fuck." "Mom and Ronny were pissed." " I don't give a shit about you selling fucking weed, you stole it from me you fucking asshole." " Who does that?" "Who fucking steals weed from his step-dad and then sells it to his dumbass fuckin friends in high school?" "We have honest fuckin' jobs that we go to every fuckin' day, I've shown my asshole to every motherfucker in this town to put food on the table." " And I play music for it." " And it's not easy to find a song that's good for showin' your asshole to people." " Damn fuckin' right it ain't." " I hate you." " When you're young, the system still thinks you have a chance." " Time's up, fuckface." " Fuck you guys." " Fuck you." " So long, fucker." "" " They gave me a deal and instead of doin' serious jail time, they sent me to fuckin' rehab." " We have to remember that addiction is a disease, and it needs to be treated as such with a healthy dose of my friend Mr. Jesus Christ." "You want to mainline something, my friend?" "You mainline Jesus Christ." "You're all here for the same reason." "You're here cause you have a hole to fill, honey." "You've been filling' your holes with dirty penises and things of that nature, that's gross." "You need to fill your hole with Mr. Jesus Christ." "Stop it, stop it, stop it." "Get out of your black hole." "I was you, my friend, I was you, oh Mr. rough guy." "Doesn't play by the rules, he's a rebel, he don't like it." "Gorgeous, just gorgeous with a head of hair on ya, look like, oh I don't know, just like a model." "Jesus Christ gave you that head of hair and those model-like features and those perfect calves." "Could of been this fella here." "You could have been born this monster, look like you come out of some sort of horror film." "Disgusting." "You're not, you should be out with a fancy lady like this, having a good time, not listening to me talk about Jesus Christ." "I think I've said my piece." "Fill your hole my Puerto Rican friend, whatever the hell you are." " When I first got there I didn't know fuck all when it came to drugs." "Two months later, I had the best drug connects fucking ever." "And one of them was this guy, fuckin' t.J." " So yeah, I'm back in town, man," "I don't know for how long, though, you know, so, hold on, hold on." " Hey, baby, you want a dance?" " I would fucking love a dance." "Hey, I'm running out of cash, though, can I pay you in blow?" " You know how I like it." " Yes, I do." "Yeah, man, I'm back for awhile." " Welcome to casa Del Victor." " Nice, man." "" " Thank you." " This all you?" " Yeah, man." " Homie, I bet you're just running through it, aren't you?" " I'm just fuckin' setting' 'em up, pounding' right through em." " Same old fuckin' Vicki." "Fucking pussy guy, over here." " I just fucking love me some pussy." " Yeah you do." " Hey, how'd you get my number?" " It's not a problem I called it?" " No, not a problem, I was just curious." "Haven't seen ya in a couple 'a years." "You're distancing yourself from me, man." " It's been awhile, hasn't it?" " Actually, I changed my number a couple times." "You must of dug deep." " Just ran into Sarah Whitley." " Sarah Whitley." "One of the fucking sketchiest bitches" "I've ever met in my life and, coincidentally, the first person I ever tried blow with." " Here, this one's you, hard and fast." "All right, hey, rub some on your teeth." " Yeah?" " Take some of that, yeah," " put it on your teeth." "" " What's that do?" " It's like Novocaine but if fucks you up." " Oh man, can I get another one?" " Yeah, you wanna pitch in?" " Uh, yeah, I can get you later." " All right." " Ah, I can feel it." " It's good, right?" " Yeah, I thought you were bringing me here to blow me, but this is good, too." " Ah, you're a fucking asshole, Victor." " Fuck yeah, man, you got some?" " I got some." " That's my boy." " I got some, I got some next level shit." "I know everyone says that their shit's the bomb." "No, man, this shit right here is fucking outer space shit." " Yeah?" "" " It'll knock your dick through your butthole, get your keys out." " That sounds fucking awesome." " Get you a big one." " Ok." " Whoo!" "" " Yeah." " I knew I shouldn't have been doin' cocaine while I was on probation, and my probation officer is a dick." "Mr. woodland." " Have you had any run-ins with the law?" " No, sir." " Have you completed your community service?" " I'm almost done, sir." " You've got til the end of the month to get that done." " Is that clear?" "" " Yes, sir." " I hope so Mr. banking." "You come in here again, that's not done," "I'm gonna consider it a violation." " Is that understood?" "" " Yes, sir." " All right, we're gonna do another drug test." " It blows my fucking mind that there's a whole clean piss industry." "People are putting their children through college by making and marketing fake piss." "And I don't know for sure, but it wouldn't surprise me if they're the same, exact people that are making the piss tests, just raking' in bread on both sides of the badge." " Let me get another one." "" " Yeah, man, get another one." " T.J. Wasn't bullshittin' by the way," "I was high as a motherfucker." "To a lot of cocaine users, just the word makes 'em need to take a shit." "Some think it's cause cocaine is a diuretic." "Truth is, people just cut their shit with baby laxative." "This was definitely not cut." " Let me ask you, wanna make a little money?" " How much we talkin'?" " Ten thousand dollars - $10,000 t.J. Said the guy he got the blow from had like a shitload of it." "And I guess a month prior to this some really big drug bust." " Get on the fucking ground!" " Feds took down a whole network." "A lot of motherfuckers went to jail, it made sense." " The whole town's drier than a nun's cunt, mate," "I ain't seen shit in weeks, you know what I'm sayin'." "Yeah, exac, look, I know you're one of my best customers, but, you know, fuck you to be honest cause I ain't got shit and you keep coming at me like this, so." "Yeah, I'll see you at flag football on Sunday." " Basically, this dude was willing to front a bunch of it to t.J., he lived in Birmingham." "And t.J. Needed a ride." "Now, I wouldn't have done it, honest I wouldn't." "But 10 grand seemed more than worth it at the time." "In fact, as soon as I heard those words, $10,000," "I immediately started fantasizing about how I'd spend it." "First stop, strip club." "I would easily blow five grand right off the top." "You drop five grand at the VIP, you can do whatever the fuck you want to." "The rules no longer apply to you." "All of a sudden you can fuck the girls and they'll suck your dick, too." "I wouldn't be fuckin' 'em, though," "I'd be way too busy doin' blow off their ass and titties." "Then I'd pay off the rest of my probation fines, of course." "Boom, be on call report, not have to see that fuckin' prick again." "After that, I'd get a tattoo." "Something bad ass like a dagger stabbed through a skull wrapped in barbed wire, fuck yeah." "Probably blow some more at the strip club, and then, fuck it, maybe do it again." "For some reason, life always wants to throw in that fuckin' x-factor." " The lights, cut the fuckin' lights." " Hey are you sure this is it?" " Yeah, man, this is definitely it." " Doesn't look like anybody's home." " No, they're in the basement, listen," "I'm gonna go in, it's gonna take like two seconds, ok?" "When I come back, be ready to roll, all right," " all right, you got it." "" " Be ready to go." " Oh, what the fuck, man?" "Dude, I thought this guy was just frontin' you shit." " Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's frontin' me shit or whatever." "Look, look, when I get back, be ready to fuckin' go." " All right?" "" " Ok." " All right?" " All right, Jesus." "I should have known that motherfucker was lying." "Now that I think about it, he was always spouting' off some unbelievable bullshit." " So I'm not trying to brag or anything, but, uh, my step-dad, Robert De Niro." " No shit." " No, man, dead serious." " Really?" "" " Yeah, man, basically raised me." " Bobby d., puttin' the d." " Yeah." "" " In your mom." " Yeah." " God damn it, why do all my friends have to be so fuckin' sketch." " God damn it." "Come on, man." " Fuckin' go!" "" " All right!" " Oh my god!" "Ow, ow, I'm gonna fucking die, man!" " No, no, no, no, you're not gonna die." " I'm gonna fuckin' die, hold my hand." "Hold my fucking hand!" " Fuck, t.J., just keep up, man, just put pressure on it, keep pressure on, man." "I should have dumped this motherfucker in the woods when I had the chance." "Cause right before he died, the selfish motherfucker pulled some bullshit." "What?" " I want you, you gotta bury me if I die, man." "You gotta bury me next to my mom." "I want you to bury me next to my mom, please." " Ok, ok, ok." "" " Promise me." " I promise, I promise!" " I think I'm gonna die." " You're not gonna die, man, you're not gonna die." "No, no, no, no, t.J., push down, push down." "Fuck, fuck." "Fuck!" "This is definitely gonna look I killed the fuckin' asshole." "And so what's the story?" "I was drivin', bothering' no one, and found this guy on the side of the road and like a good Samaritan, put him in the trunk and was taking him to the hospital?" "And, oh no, officer, I had no idea there were drugs in the car." "I never should have answered that fuckin' phone call." "I only had six months left on probation." "I was gonna finish my shit and play it straight, maybe go back to school, get some hot chick to tutor me in physics, fall in love." "And get married, hopefully find out that her father's a billionaire." "He dies, we inherit the money, I leave her, take half and start straight-plowing so hard." "But, nope, I will be going to jail." "No, I'll be goin' to fuckin' prison." "And let me tell you something," "I'm not built for prison." "I don't want to have to wear skittles eye shadow." " Daddy's hungry, pudding pop." "Yeah, mmm." " Can't we just cuddle tonight, daddy?" " Oh no, cuddling's for Tuesdays." " Fuckin' t.J., man." " Who is t.J.?" " Nobody, daddy, nobody." "But wait a minute, fuck that shit." "This dude is not searching' my car, and I don't have to say shit." "Just give him my license and tell him to fuck off." " Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" " I do not consent to search." " Excuse me?" " I know my rights, officer." " Sir, I'm gonna need you to step out of this vehicle for me." " Am I being detained?" " You see this badge, son?" " Yeah." " You're talking to a man," "I'll be asking the questions this evening." "I need you to step out of the vehicle for me." " Am I being detained?" " You will be detained if you resist an officer." "Sir, step out of this vehicle for me." "Don't you dare..." " thing is, just like there's that x-factor, there's also the fuck-it factor." "I wish I had never answered that god damned motherfuckin' phone call." " My name is Trevor smalls." "Everyone calls me smalls, though." "I don't know who the fuck this bitch is," "I'm pretty sure she's dead." "I never killed nobody before, so this might knock a nigger up into a new gangsta bracket or some shit." "I mean, I'm hard, but not like a cold-blooded killer hard." "I'm like a mid-level hardness, like a, you won't wanna fuck with a nigger, but why would you have to, there's never any beef sorta thing." "I knew what was up at an early age, though." "My pops was a straight up motherfuckin' hustler." "And he taught me everything he knew." " That's 30 bucks, right?" "" " Yep." " You grab that 30 bucks, look, um," "I got these 10 singles, um, could you give me a $10 bill for those 10 singles?" " Sure." " Thank you." "Ok, go ahead and count 'em." " Ok, one, two, three, four five, six, seven, eight, there's only eight bucks." " Oh, sorry, ok look, eight bucks right, eight, eight and one, that's nine, that's another one, that's ten, that's ten, that's twenty, why don't you just" "give me that $20 bill and we just call it even." "So, son, what just happened?" " Uh." " What happened was, I just made $10 off the money you gave me." " Oh, shit." "" " Exactly." "All to be up in these strip clubs." "Don't tell your mother, go ahead, practice." " And by the time I was grown, we had the shit down to a science." " $20 says I can lift you, feet off the ground, in this bar, $20 bet." " There's no way you could do, it would take at least two of you to do that." " The only two it's gonna take are these two guns, bam, bam, $20 bet?" " It's a waste of my time - you scared?" " It's a waste of my time, I'm not doin' it." " All right, that's a waste of your time, how 'bout I step it up a little bit." "$50 says not only can I lift your feet off the ground," "I can do it and I won't even bend my arms." " All right." "" " All right," " let's do it." "" " Let's do it." " I want my money, all right." "Gettin' paid in this bitch!" " Come on." "" " All right, relax." "So anxious to lose that money." "Ready, let me make sure your bra's ok." " Come on, man." " All right here we go, ready?" "You might not be, but I am, here we go." " What the fuck, no, dude, nuh uh." " Aaah, whoo!" "50 dollars." " That's my last 50, dude." "" " I don't give a shit, that's the last time I'm liftin' your big ass." "20, 30, 40, 50." " You got change for a 20?" "" " No." " You know, a lot of people work with their pops, but most of the time it's behind the counter at some shitty father and son joint." "Our little family business was much more fun." "My pops never once said," " son, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean." " Relax, dude." " Dude, do I look like a fuckin' dude to you?" " No, sir." " Then let's get to cleaning'." "" " Ok." " Now." " Yeah, all right, relax." " Fucking clean." "" " Ok, yeah, I got it." " You're such a fuckin' lazy bone." " Fuck it, I'm gonna start selling weed." " But see, my dad wasn't one of these new age parents trying to be friends with their kids." "My father was my mentor." " How you gonna spill ketchup on the back seat of my car?" " And when I messed up, he was the motherfuckin' law." " You gotta use your head." "Is there somethin' funny?" " No, sir." " You gonna learn to respect for people's things, all right?" "Now clean it up." "This is a damn Cadillac." "Did you hear me you little motherfucker?" " When he died, I didn't know what to do at first." "I was totally lost for awhile." "I kept tryin' to run some of our old plays, but more times than not, the shit was a bust." "And then, I met Jimmy motherfuckin' brown." "Now that was one crazy ass white boy." " Oh, hell no." "That's my flying-v bass guitar, that is my very favorite thing in this entire world, it's autographed by rush Limbaugh, and it is a god damned collector's item, if I find lube on that thing" "and the signature gets smeared, d'you have any idea the kind of hell." "Hey, sugar tits!" "Put shots in these glasses before I set this place on fire." " Until he was 13, he thought his grandma was his mom and his moms was his sister." " He doesn't have to hear the word he's seen ya bein' a whore for years with all the men comin' in and out of your apartment." " You know I had a bad back and those were delivery boys bringing me my groceries." " Delivery boys, delivering something all right, delivering dick." " Don't you come in here and talk about lovemaking and dick in front of this child, he doesn't know what the fuck those words are." " Jimmy, ignore your grandmother," "I know this is a lot to take in but I am your real mother," "I had you at 15, and I'm takin' you with me, all right." " And I guess when he lived in Alabama he used to sell meth or some shit like that." "He didn't like talkin' about it much." "But by the time I met him, he wasn't slingin' dope, he was stealing cars." "Yyou know what you're doin'?" "And good at it, too." "Hurry up, man, you gonna get us caught." " Ah ha, boom." " The leap from con artist to car thief was a short one at best." "Shit was really more of a smooth transition." "Jimmy knew this guy named little bankingie." "You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but little bankingie was a cold-blooded motherfucker." "Him and his brother ran a little black-market organization in charge of all kinds of shit." " Gentlemen - drugs, gambling, prostitution, and a little chop shop down in east Atlanta" " this is the kind of car, make a woman's pussy sweat." " It will." " This makes my pussy sweat." " Ok." " Me and Jimmy became a powerhouse, in a good week, we was stealin' up to 15, 20 cars." " You guys wanna stick around and do a little skiing." " Me and Jimmy made a dope-ass team for awhile." "And then we got busted." " Fuck you." "It's all yours." " There's no dial tone on this phone." " Put your thumb on the button." " Everyone in the holdin' cell knows you're a rookie when you don't know how the phones work." "Thanks." "Hey man, you jackin' off?" " Yeah, cuz, what you think, nigger?" " You know some people go to jail and they come out harder than when they fuckin' went in." "And some people learn their lesson and don't wanna go back to that shit." "A nigger like me learned my lesson." "For the first time in my life, a nigger had a legit job." " Hey man, I've got a horse mask and a studded saddle, what I need is like a pony tail butt plug." "You got anything like that?" " Bigger the better." "" " Yeah, what you wanna do is go straight down this aisle, make the first left, then you're gonna go to the back wall next to the gimp masks and Assmaster 2000." "If you pass the fist of fury, you went down too far." " Great, thanks." " I lost contact with Jimmy." "I heard as soon as he got out, this motherfucker went right back in." " This is a fucking robbery." " Hi, easy, easy." " I met a girl named Jasmine, we got an apartment together, we were talkin' about having kids and starting' a family." "On some real full house type shit, except for the mom wasn't dead in this sitcom, and I was smashin' that white ass." "And then, I ran into little bankingie." " You ever steal from me again I'll fuckin' kill ya, now get your fuckin' ass out of here." "Motherfucker." "Smalls." " Little bankingie." " What the fuck is happenin', man, why didn't you call me when you got out?" " Ah, I'm goin' legit, man." " Goin' legit, come on, dude, that's bullshit." " No, man, I'm goin' legit, I got a job," "I got a laid-back home, paying' taxes now," "I'm legit." " Dude, come on, you gotta come back into the family," "I got the perfect job for ya." " Nah, that's not for me anymore." " I know how you love pink Cadillacs." " Now I wouldn't have done it, but I hadn't seen a pink caddy since my dad lost his to the bank." "He loved that car, and so did I." "This was the chance to get behind the wheel of one." "Smell the leather seats, feel the feelin' of the air blowing' on my face like it did when I was a kid." "I figured one more time and I was done for good, back to bein' a old 9:00 to 5:00 workin' ass nigger." "I'm in." "Now I don't know what I think about that whole what goes around comes around bullshit, but I guess the powers that be didn't want me to have the last ride." "In fact, they were trying to punish my black ass for even trying." "I should of just left her there when I had the chance," "I should of just stayed at home with my baby is what a nigger should of did." "Ain't goin' back to jail, with my record," "I'd get life for sure." "And fuck that, I ain't doin' life for nobody, even though that's probably what I deserve if not worse." "I bet this girl was a real sweetheart, too." "She probably helped with the inner city kids and fed the homeless." "Lives with her lovin' boyfriend." "They probably lie in bed just laughing and watching TV together for hours." "His ass probably pacing around the apartment right now, wondering' what's taking her so long to get back from the store." "But what the fuck am I supposed to do?" "Damn, this goin' to haunt me forever." "Shit, shit, shit, shit." " Where the fuck am I?" " Wait, I thought you were dead." "I accidentally ran over you with my car." " You hit me with your car?" " It was a mistake." " You're gonna be fucking sorry." " On second thought," "I should of made sure the crazy bitch was dead." " My name is Sarah Whitley, and this is not the first time I've been left od-ing outside of a hospital." "In fact, it's the third time." "So, I know the routine." "They save your life, but they aren't nice about it." "They stick a tube down your throat, cut off all your clothes, and shove a needle in your arm." "And when you come to, they treat you like the scum of the earth and have you arrested." "They say marijuana's a gateway drug." "First thing I tried were cigarettes." "It wasn't hard to get our hands on some." "My friend Lacy's mom smoked 'em by the carton." "That was going to be the first of many things that puking wasn't gonna stop me from doing." "And I got drunk next." "Marijuana was the third thing I ever tried, and I didn't really like it." "Gateway drug, that's what they called it in school." "Gateway to what, awesome land?" " Kids are gonna try to peer-pressure you into trying drugs and alcohol, ok?" "Might not be kids, might be your neighbors, might be your mom, might be your step-dad, ok?" "You resist it, you just say no." "You might be at a bone, thugs and Harmony concert, crazy bone, you guys are bonding', he says," ""hey, I like will Smith movies, too." ""Let's fire up a doobie and get a pizza."" "No, no, you keep your promise to the crossroads." " Even at a young age, I was curious to try different things." "I remember they tried to make us sign a pledge to promise to never try drugs and alcohol." "I didn't sign that shit." "The first time I smoked pot was with my high school boyfriend." " All right, now, just hold it in your lungs, long as you can." " He was a few years older than me and dropped out of high school." "He lived with his grandparents cause his parents kicked him out and I thought he was a total badass." " Ah, you're gonna get high as shit, good." " My mom didn't give a fuck about where I was, so I basically lived there, too." " Ya got to cough, got to." " But like I said, I didn't like that shit, it just made me sleepy." "And then, my girl Lacy introduced me to ecstasy." "Oh, I fucking love you." " I love you." " I never loved you more." "We lived in nowhere county, Buttfuck, Alabama." "You're so pretty, Lacy." "The only thing to do was drugs and fuck." "And we did a lot of drugs and a lot of fuckin'." "Oh my god." " I dove head first into the pacifier and glow-stick scene." "I probably went to more illegal warehouse parties than I can remember." "I had 20/20 vision when I was 17." "By the time I was 18, my vision was shot." " We're here baby, hey!" " Then I had my first od." " Stay with me now, stay with me, now." " Apparently, I overheated, passed out, and stopped breathing in the middle of a party." " Fuck, god damn it, come on baby." " I ended up at rehab." "After I od'd, they told me I'd been legally dead for seven minutes." "Seven fucking minutes." "I don't remember anything, no bright light, no angels, no dead relatives, just, nothingness." "That might sound bad to some people, but I think it's kind of comforting." "It sucks there's no heaven, but thank god there's no hell." "And no magical power watching over your every move and judging you from the clouds." "I did six months rehab, got two years probation, and got 200 hours of community service." "When I got back, Jimmy had moved into his own apartment and started selling meth, and we were doing the fuck out of that shit, too." "I'll never forget my first line." "Now I had done cocaine and snorted Molly, too." "So when Jay cut me out this tiny line," "I didn't think it was gonna be shit." "Whoo, holy shit." "It was like fucking rocket fuel." "I was still in high school, too." "Started getting straight A's." "Seeing anti-drug ads makes me laugh." "The government plays it off like all drugs are bad and just say no." "The truth is, they just want you to be doing their drugs." "What do you think Adderall is?" "Just government-regulated speed." "I started hanging out with some of the friends" "I made at rehab and we would go party in Atlanta." "Jimmy was making so much money selling meth that I didn't have to have a job and got to stay nice and fucked up all the time." "If you don't sleep for three days you naturally start hallucinating." "Add a powerful methamphetamine to the equation, and you get shadow people." " Where the fuck are my fucking sunglasses?" "Buh, fuh, hey, hey!" "Where the fuck are my fucking sunglasses?" "Fuck you!" " I felt like Jimmy owned me." " God damn it." "You fat, stupid cunt, help me!" "Help!" " I felt trapped, like a prisoner in a p.O.W. Camp with no way out." "And I stopped going to probation so I couldn't call the cops and no one fucking cared." "And then." "Hello?" "Oh, hey Gilberto." "Thank fucking god Gilberto called." "A few years back, I picked up Gilberto hitchhiking." "He was on his way to Atlanta and so were we." "Cause, you know, that's how hitchhiking works." "He was totally stranded and totally illegal." "Just tryin' to get to his brother's house." "We got him there safe and he felt indebted to me." "And two years later, he came to visit." "The next morning, I left Jimmy and moved to Atlanta with Gilberto." "It's kind of funny, I wanted to get away from Jimmy and all the meth, but if it weren't for the meth," "I wouldn't have been able to speak Spanish." "So three times a week we had to meet with this shady guy that prepped us for the ins interviews." " So where'd you guys meet?" " Church, we met at church." " No, you didn't meet at church." "You're a hot chick, you don't go to church, that's not believable, don't say that, you're gonna get in trouble." "You guys slip up once, you're going to jail, you realize?" "You wanna use the church thing just say, uh, you were picking your grandmother up from church and you saw him cuttin' the lawn out front and you thought he was hot." "Go with that, that's more believable." " Ok." " Ok." "Get your stories straight." "What's your favorite position when you guys fuck?" " Cowgirl." "" " Inside." " Inside what?" " Inside her." " Yeah, of course it's gonna be inside." "Where else would it be, would it be outside?" "You ever fucked a girl outside?" " Yes." " What, how?" " You grab the breast, and you put your penis in between 'em." "Not too much force, you just have to have the right amount of force, and then you put your penis in between it, and you go up and down, fast or slow, it doesn't matter, I just go slow." " That's called titty-fucking." "That's not, that's not real fucking." "You're not actually inside of her, you're outside of her." "Ok, it doesn't fucking count." "You can't slip up like that and tell the guy interrogating you that you like titty-fucking." "You guys need to fuck, you need to know what you're favorite position, they're gonna ask you stuff like, does he have a big dick, they're gonna ask him that." " You have a big dick?" "" " Yes." " No you don't." "" " Ok." " Let me fuck her, and then I'll tell you how she is." "I'll compare notes, I'll give it back to you." "Cause I'm not gonna fall in love with her." "I've had hot chicks like that before." "And I'm not gonna charge you guys extra, either." "That's a free service I have, I know you guys are strapped for money and stuff, that'll be free, but I'm helping out by doing it, dude." "Don't think that I'm just, you know." " Thank you." " Let's exchange numbers and, um, I'm gonna go jerk off thinking about how much you like cowgirl." "That's awesome." " Thanks." "And then, we got married." "I got off the speed and started hanging out with t.J." "And let's be honest, we were definitely doing drugs, but at least it wasn't meth." "At least I wasn't seeing fucking shadow people." " Ladies first, get you some of that a-t-l coke." "Yeah, right, hell, yeah." "Dude, I fucking met Sarah in rehab." " And that's how I met Gary." "Nice to meet you." "My true love." "Gary was an acid head." "He smoked pot and did blow, sure, but his favorite thing was psychedelics." "So obviously he was the first person I dropped Lucy with." "How long's it gonna take to kick in?" " Relax, babe, sometimes an hour, sometimes 15 minutes." " You think I'm gonna like it?" " You're gonna fucking love it." " Whoa, I think it's working." "Holy shit." "Look at the trails, do you see the trails?" " I feel my ears." " My hands are so big." "It was wild, I fucking loved it." " Is that a real poncho or is that a sears' poncho?" " It's a Mexican poncho." "The sky was filled with rainbows, and the cracks in the floor were alive." "After a few months, me and Gary moved in together." "We would stay up snuggling at night and trip nuts on the weekend." "We were perfect for each other." "We were both curious about doing heroin." "Neither one of us had ever tried it, and we were totally interested." "The first fucking time I did," "I had my second od." " I fucking love you, baby." " I love you, too." "We partied all night on it, nodding off here and there, but present for most of it." " Just give me a second." " You need help?" "" " Yeah." " I even remember Gary trying to fuck me, but he couldn't cause he had dope dick." " Babe?" "Babe?" "Fuck, fuck." "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" " That time, I was legally dead for nine minutes." "I suppose I'm always trying to outdo myself." "If you skip out on probation, they put a warrant out for your arrest." "They don't go looking for you, they expect you to fuck up again." "I went to prison, if it weren't for Gary," "I probably would have slit my wrists." "I, I miss you." " I miss you, too." " I just want to touch you." " I know, me, too." " I saved someone's life." " Yeah?" "" " Yeah." " Tell me." " Um, my roommate Alaina, she was, uh, trying to light a fucking cigarette with the outlet and she electrocuted herself." " What an idiot." " Yeah, she's a real dumbass." "And, um, I gave her CPR, and I saved her life." " Fucking awesome, babe, I knew you could do that." " She makes me eat her box all the time, but I get extra sandwiches, so." "I miss you so much." " Wait, what did you just say?" " I have to eat her box all the time, but it's ok, cause I get extra sandwiches and the other girls don't fuck with me cause they think I'm her bitch, so," "I just want to touch you." " I guess it's prison, right, you gotta survive." " Yeah, babe, I'm doing it all for you." " Yeah?" " I'm eating a lot of pussy for you." "I missed you so much." " I missed you, baby." "" " Fuck this place." "When I got out, there was Gary with a hit of acid with my name on it." "It was like I never left." "I wasn't about to go back, though, fuck that." " Come on." " I had to eat so much pussy in jail, I can't go back." " What's wrong with eating some pussy?" " T.J. Came over one day trying to get me to drive him to Alabama to do a drug deal." "I know, dude, I'm sorry, no." "The money would have been nice, and two years prior," "I probably would have gone with him," "I wasn't fucking with that shit now." "You know who I ran into the other day?" "Fucking Victor, Victor will totally do it." "Victor from crossroads." " Fucking Vicki!" "" " Yeah." "He's got a car." " Oh, shit." "" " He lives in town he'll do it." " And he is such a fucking putz." "Not that that matters, though, this is totally legit." " To be honest, Gary probably would have done it." "I didn't even want to give him that option, it's just too risky, which is fucked up, because I don't think any drug should be illegal." "Like I said, it's not that they don't want you to be doing drugs, they just want you to be a mindless worker doing their drugs." "And they definitely don't want you doing acid." "They try to scare you and say you'll think you're an orange and be terrified that people are going to peel you." "What they fail to mention is that" "Steve Jobs came up with apple on it, or that Francis crick credits it for paving the way to him discovering the double helix." "Not to mention Jim Morrison, Matt Groening, bill Hicks, Trey Parker, Matt stone, fucking ray Charles, and countless other artists used it and created the most bitchin' shit ever." "Free thinking and innovative thought, the government's arch Nemesis." "The first time I candy-flipped," "I had an out of body experience." " Babe, you ok?" " Candy-flipping is when you eat acid and ecstasy at the same time." "I left this fucking world." "I was greeted by Ra, the Egyptian sun god." "He saw me and noticed that I saw him." "Letters, numbers, and shapes started pouring out of him and swirling around my body." "In that moment, I understood infinitely small and infinitely large at the same time." "And then I realized that I was apep, the Egyptian serpent god, and the shapes, and numbers, and letters started pouring out of my body as well." "Paisleys and more secret writings started showing up all over our faces." "And then we were pulled together and became one god, shrunk into a tiny ball" "and exploded, creating the universe." "I'm not sure how long I was there, but when I came to, things were different." "From that moment forward, I was on a quest to get back to that place." "I probably candy-flipped with Gary a hundred times, but still, no gods." " Was crucified, dead and buried." "He descended into hell, the third day, he rose again from the dead." "He ascended into heaven and sitteth on the right hand of god, the father almighty." "Maker of heaven and earth." "I believe in god, the father almighty, maker of heaven and earth and Jesus Christ, his only son, our lord." " Shut up." " Conceived by the holy ghost, born of the virgin Mary, suffered under conscious power, was crucified dead and buried, he descended into hell the third day - help me." " He rose again from the dead." "He ascended into heaven and sitteth on the right hand side of god, the father almighty." "From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead." "I believe in the holy ghost, the holy catholic church, the communion of saints that bring" " oh my god, let's kiss the statues." " The resurrection of the body, the lies that are lied." " I want you so much." "I want you to be beautiful." "Look at me, I want you to be beautiful." "I want you to be beautiful." "Fuck, fuck, fuck, not again, fuck!" "Babe, babe, please, wake up, babe." "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" " What was it?" "What had happened to me that first time?" "Where did I go, what did it mean?" "Was it divine?" "It felt like a message from a higher power." "I'll probably never know," "I'm probably never going to find out." "I'm probably going back to jail." "Fuck." " My name is Terry Wilson, but everyone just calls me Bigfoot." "Now there's no denying things didn't turn out as I planned." "But that just goes to show you how one lapse in judgment can destroy even the best of intentions." "Typically, I don't slip up." "I'm normally a very detail-oriented guy." "In my line of work, you kind of have to be." "Say some dirtbag owes my boss a shitload of money." "If he can't pay in a reasonable amount of time, and he gets a reasonable amount of time," "I give him a little visit." "Forget to pay someone?" "What I can't, I can't hear you, what'd you say?" "If I have to come back again, you're fucking dead." "And sometimes, things go south, and I end up having to kill the fucking dope." "If I'm not detail-oriented, I could get busted for murder." "And that shit ain't happening'." "My wife would be pissed." "I work for a man named little bankingie." "He's a bad motherfucker." " Hey, look who showed up, it's Bigfoot." " Sorry, I'm late, finishing up a job." " Oh, that's all right we haven't' even ordered yet." "Everybody, this is Bigfoot, best guy on my crew." "You know Jack, his lovely wife Janet." "Beautiful daughter Alice, and my wife Carol." " Carol." " Bigfoot, huh?" " We hit it off immediately." "Couldn't keep our dirty mitts off each other." "Real quick, if I could get everyone's attention before we start eating." "Just wanted to say a few things." "Little bankingie, it's been a pleasure being able to work with you for the last few years." "I really feel like I'm a part of your family, and you've done more for me than I could ever tell you, so, thank you." "For the last few months, actually, have been the best few months of my entire life." "And, uh, if it's ok with you." " Ho, ho, ho, oh, shit" " Alice, will you marry me?" "We had a Jewish wedding." "Now, neither of us are Jewish, I mean, Christ, we're not even religious." "She just thought it'd be fun to break the glass." "You know Alice knew what I did for a living going into this, and for me, that was the best part." "Before Alice I dated this broad named Margot." "The whole fucking time she thought I was a personal assistant for some rich guy." "And we were together for three years." "Lived together and everything." " So goodnight." "" " G'night, love you." " Love you." " When will you be home?" " I have no idea, I mean, you know this guy, he's nuts." " Wait, d'you get your lunch?" " Love you." "" " Love you." " I would literally kiss her goodbye in the morning." "Spend the afternoon pulling out some dummy's fingernails, take a break to eat the mushy lunch she packed me." "Who the fuck eats that much mayonnaise?" "Go back to breaking some douche bag's face, kill him, clean up, scrub the bastard's blood off my body, and come home to have some sort of wacky dry-cleaning story prepared." "This guy said it would take like an hour-and-a-half, so I just went, fucked around, got some coffee, just killing time." "By the time I got back, there was a boot on the truck." "And then, the dry cleaner's gone for lunch." "Just chaos, today." "Just absolutely..." " Sorry, baby." " Chaos, what are you doing?" "It was fucking exhausting, and after awhile," "I just got fed up with it." "I was never good at breaking up with girls." "Believe it or not, it's hard for me to be the asshole." "So when I was finally done with a relationship," "I just had a buddy of mine kill her." "It was way easier." "I didn't have to have that awkward run-in with her new boyfriend." "I definitely missed the sex, though." "That bitch was from a different planet, a planet where all they eat is tossed salad." "Dude, whoa, whoa." "Dude, dude." "You know what you can do to stop this?" "Nothin'." "It's gonna suck." "It's just so much better not having to lie to your girl about what you do." "There's a comfort knowing that your woman has your back." " So what'd you do today?" " Mm, not much." "Made some money, though." "Oh, I found that guy that ripped us off." " Did you cut his head off?" " I drug him behind my truck for like, 20 minutes, so, it was pretty gruesome." "You'd have loved it." " That's so good." "A year after we married, we had our little girl." " Drive faster!" " I'm fucking driving." " Drive faster!" " I can't drive faster." "Having a baby is the most intense thing" "I've ever experienced." "You're good, you're good." " Don't touch me, don't touch me." "You should have just fucked me in the ass like I asked." " I've been fucking you in the ass." "Oh, it hurts, yeah, I'm sure, what hurts more?" " I think I just came, that's what you said," "I think I just came." " You were begging me to come inside you, you said, "come in my pussy!"" " I thought you would know better," "I thought you would know better." " Without a doubt, the most intense moment." "And I've been in some fucked up situations." "We named her Molly." "The boys had it coming if they even looked at my little girl wrong." "I get paid to cut people's fingers off for making mistakes." "Imagine what I'd do to some punk that made my little angel cry." "And Alice wouldn't put up with that shit, either." "She probably wouldn't do it herself, but you gotta figure." "She grew up seeing her dad and uncles taking motherfuckers out on a regular basis." " No, motherfucker." " Do you mind, I'm in here." " You know you can lock the door?" " Help." " Shut the fuck up." " Look, just use the bathroom downstairs, please." "Thank you." " She told me that uncle bankingie took her to get her license when she turned 16, and on the way to the DMV, stopped to dump a body out of the trunk." "Can you blow it out?" "I'll do it for ya." "All right, yeah!" "Around Molly's second birthday, something changed." "Alice started acting weird." "She never wanted to have sex anymore, she always seemed busy or preoccupied." "Although we did have a Jewish wedding, so that kind of made sense." " My period's gonna start next week, and I'm, like, pre-cramping really bad." " Pre-cramping?" "" " Yeah." "My boobs hurt and everything." " I got em," " I'll take care of 'em." "" " No, no, I'm ok." "Thank you." " Thank you?" "You just said thank you." "Yeah?" "What, I can't even touch." " Are you kidding?" " Does it look like I'm kidding?" "Does this look like a joke?" " Yeah." " You know how you could stop this?" "Don't be such a bitch all the time." "Somehow, this is working." " Fine, play Patty-cake with yourself and just." " I'm not in the mood." "" " Yeah?" " Stop making eye contact with me while you're doing that." " Well, maybe you should stop" " not fucking me." "" " Stop!" "Just get it out." " It's over." "Naturally, I started getting suspicious." "Girls say their number one turn-off is a jealous boyfriend." "They think it makes a man look insecure and unsure of himself." "Well, ladies, if you weren't such whores," "I wouldn't be so suspicious." "I'm going to get my nails done, bullshit." "I started doing stakeouts out at my own house, watching where my wife would go then calling her to see if she was lying." "Sometimes she was, sometimes she wasn't." "That's right about the time all hell broke loose." "Little bankingie called me and he was pissed." "Hey, what's going on, boss?" "Whoa, whoa, calm down, calm down, calm down." "Apparently, some cock smoker busted into one of his guy's dope houses and opened fire." " The fuck is this, t.J., where's my fuckin' money?" " Right here, motherfucker." "Ah, oh!" " And I had to go track these fuckin' amateurs down." "So I hired a p.I. To keep track of my wife." "You need to follow her, take pictures, do whatever you gotta do, I need to know what she's up to." "Don't let me down." "One of 'em lucked out and died before I got my hands on him." "Took me a month-and-a-half to find that other slimy piece of shit." "Say something." "Say something so I can tell you to shut the fuck up." " Just let me go, man." " Shut the fuck up." "We can do this the easy way, or we could do this the easier way." " What do you want to know, man?" " I don't want to fuckin' hear don't move, hello?" " Hey, Bigfoot, listen." "I've got good news and I've got bad news." "Good news is, job's done, got a lot of great pictures." "Bad news, it's a little hardcore porn-esque." " Fucking kidding me." "" " Yeah, it's graphic." " Fucking whore." "I couldn't melt this fucker's face off fast enough." "Fuck?" " Yeah, it was like they were playing a game of twister, only without the board, and full penetration." "It was like she was a meat lovers hot pocket, just getting stuffed at the factory." "It was like a game of dick-dick-goose, only the goose," "was her pussy." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude." " That's where I started fucking up." "I didn't even get rid of the body." "Killed the fucking messenger and made a beeline to where those fuckers live." "Fucker, huh, you wanna fuck people's wives?" "What happens when you fuck my wife?" "This is what I do." "It felt so good drowning that piece of shit." "But I should have checked the rest of the fucking house first." " The fuck?" "Hey bitch, wake up." "Hey bitch, bitch." "Yo wake the fuck up, motherfucker." "Hey, hey." "Yeah, surprise, bitch, I'm still here." "Called the fucking cops on ya you asshole." "Fucking piece of shit." "Oh, you're gonna do real well in jail." "You're gonna have so many dicks inside of you you're gonna look like a god damned Dave Mathews concert." "Did you order pizza?" "I'm kidding, it's the cops you fuckin' asshole." "I'm gonna go grab that." "And who the fuck are you?" " Mmm, you don't remember me, cocksucker." " No, rude." " Let me refresh your memory." " What the fuck is wrong with you, oh my god." " Oh my god, what the fuck." "This is for every girl you've ever split on." "Pretty much every female in the entire race that you've ever fucked over." "What the fuck?" " Even after all the people I killed and enemies I made, lives that I shattered," "I never thought I was gonna die." "Death is such a hard concept to wrap our heads around, even to that last breath, that last fluttering thought in your head, you don't really think that you're not gonna make it." "And then, you're dead." "The great mysteries of life are finally revealed to you." "Or maybe they're not, but just like everyone else, there's no one you can tell."