"Everybody be doing this." "Move it, groove it sucking on it, doing it taking it, shitting it pooping it, creeping it seeing it" "(man) We start it?" "(man) Yeah." "Gotta move it spaghetti spaghetti spaghetti spa-spa-spaghetti-o's spaghetti-o's, spaghetti spaghetti and lasagna pasta... and rice some bagels and lox some lo mein, doing it bi-atch, bi-atch, bi-atch, bi-atch, bi-atch bi-atch, bi-atch..." "(humming)" "Yeah... yeah" "You like these jokes, nigga?" "You wanna battle these jokes, nigga?" "That's right!" "Bring it!" "This is... shit!" "You know me?" "Eight mile!" "That's right!" "I got rhymes for days!" "I got jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes and... ha, ha, ha jokes and jokes, jokes spaghetti spaghetti spaghetti spaghetti spaghetti" "(man) What you gonna do, motherfucker, come on." "Rocking it, socking it doing it, feeling it making it, breaking it snaking it eight mile!" "(cheers and applause)" "(laughing)" "God damn." "(laughing) I'm sorry." "(laughing)" "(man) Cut!" "(man) Bounce, bounce." "Go ahead, start bouncing." "No, not like that, Dave, just let her bounce." "No, that doesn't work, it looks like you're..." "Hey, I'm getting butt fucked over here!" "...ass action." "Do a little of that back and forth." "This white woman's trying to booty fook me!" "(laughing)" "You smoke?" "Who are you?" "Just a man who loves titties, woman." "My job is done." "Peace." "I fucked up." "Let's straighten out her boobs." "Can we get a different eye line besides Maurice's nuts?" "...It'd be like this." "No, dad, I don't know what time it comes on." "Is that the new copy of Juggs?" "It ain't the New Yorker." "Are guys really like that?" "No, no." "Oftentimes, men masturbate to women's personalities." "My guy friends aren't like that." "You know what, Sheila?" "You're probably right." "They probably just push those big old flapjacks aside and look straight into your heart." "A nigga like me would put some syrup on them flapjacks and get to eating'." "(man) Is that the new copy of Juggs?" "It ain't the New Yorker." "Hello!" "My name's frank." "I'm from human resources." "I'd like to get to know you." "What do you like?" "Me, too." "Long walks on the beach, chicken wire, yes." "Oh, I've been bad, I've been very bad." "Okay." "Just you and me." "Okay, so what makes you think you're qualified for this job?" "Yeah." "That, too, yeah." "Oh, basement." "Basement, daddy, good boy, bad boy." "Oh, no, the tricycle was broken when I got there!" "Yes, yes, yes!" "Ah!" "(applause and cheering)" "Yeah, yeah." "Just keep on doing what you're doing, white boy." "Just keep on doing what you're doing." "Yeah, yeah." "Just keep on doing what you..." "Ooh..." "Just keep on doing what you're doing." "Yeah, yeah." "Just keep on doing what you're... what you're... oh... oh, oh... (woman) You ready?" "Tyree and Lysol remind me of homosexuals." "(laughing)" "They be having gay sex in the bedroom!" "(laughing)" "That nigga, Chad, said, "ahh!"" "Get out of your way." ""D" block!" "(laughing)" "Back door, back door." "What now?" "Yeah, you going first?" "You know that!" "You know that!" "(chain whipping)" "Go ahead, black man, keep doing what you're doing." "Go ahead, black man, keep on doing what you're doing." "Katie has some big-ass titties." "(laughing)" "Everyone in the house wanna suck them." "(laughing)" "I think even Zondra got some of that!" "(laughing)" "The neighbor came by and said, "let me get some milk."" "(laughing)" "Everybody!" "(laughing) Everybody!" "Chad was like, "golly gee, guys." "Golly gee, stop porking my gal."" "(laughing)" "Everyone took a number and Chad came up number eight!" "(laughing)" "Only six people live in the house!" "(laughing)" "Katie's fingers get more pussy than Chad!" "(laughing wildly)" "(children laughing)" "That's not funny!" "Now, a lot of you kids might've heard things." "People might tell you, you can fly on drugs." "Well, you can't." "You can't fly on drugs!" "You might could glide from place to place, a few feet above the ground, but only on the best stuff." "And you never can find the best stuff." "I looked." "Kids, drugs is all around you." "I could warn you about drugs all day, but you never know where drugs might be." "Little drugs." "Young man, have you ever made a model airplane before?" "Well, let me tell you something." "That glue that puts them together." "If you sniff that glue, you will get hiiiigh!" "Whew!" "Intense!" "Oh, yeah, you might've done it." "See that magic marker on that little girl's desk right there?" "Just a magic marker like that." "Sniff continuously." "(sniffing)" "High!" "Intense high." "Even in your mama and daddy's cupboard or cabinet in the bathroom, look, you might see some Nyquil." "Simple thing that's in every household." "But if you drink enough..." "Whoo, whooooo!" "You'll get high." "(children laughing)" "That's not funny!" "Another thing you kids... hey!" "I ain't playing with you!" "This is real!" "You think I smell like pee-pee for fun and games?" "I peed on myself!" "When I was sleeping last night at the shelter," "I stabbed somebody, all right?" "That's not funny!" "Sleeping in the shelter." "I itch all the time!" "I got crabs!" "And lobsters, and lobsters." "Y'all think this is a game?" "Arf!" "Peanut butter and crack sandwich." "Oh!" "Get out of my way, get on, get on!" "Oh!" "(female announcer) This is the official 2002 Popcopy employee training film with your host, Ralph Henderson." "Should a customer get all uppity and ask to speak to a manager, then tell them, "guess what?" "I am the manager."" "I wanna see the manager." "No, see, I am the manager." "You are the manager?" "That's right, my friend." "I'm the only manager here." "Unless you wanna talk to the Popcopy president, and I don't know him." "You might could help me out with that, I don't know." "I mean, really get in their face about it." "I wanna see your manager!" "Guess what, nigga, I am your manager!" "What's up?" "You're the manager?" "That's right, how may I help you?" "You done, that's it, your job is done, nigga, get out!" "I'll see you later, nigga, bye!" "You know, a lot of people ask, "why?" "Why treat the customer this way?"" "Why?" "'Cause fuck 'em, that's why!" "(ding)" "I've gone over a number of great ways to frustrate a customer, but nothing frustrates them more than these seven words:" "Wait here while I go check on that." "Here at Popcopy, all that means is:" "I'm going in the back room to take a half-hour break." "If you haven't got high before work like you should have, then now's the time, light up a joint." "Or if crack's your thing, pop a rock on that stem and beam up." "You all right, man?" "Perfect." "Popcopy." "So y'all want me to say..." "Y'all want me to just go, "this is Roca Pads," right now?" "(man) No, you're gonna say, "this is the Roc."" "What's up, y'all?" "This is Damon Dash, C.E.O., Roc-A-Fella Records, and we representing the ladies this time." "We're about to get all up in that ass with the new Roca Pads." "Roca Pads are 30 more absorbent than the leading brand." "I can't say that shit." "If your period is dropping?" "I can't say that..." "I can't say that shit..." "Yo, let me see that?" "Hold on." "No, I ain't saying that." "(laughing)" "No, no, no." "Roca Pad is 30 more percent absorbent than the leading brand." "So if you got a bleedy bum... (laughing)" "Keep it going, keep it going." "Take your time, 30% more." "I know how to read, man, what the fuck is wrong with you?" "Roca Pad is 30 more..." "See, you fucked me up, bitch." "Is 30% more absorbent than the leading brand." "So if your period is dropping, we catching it!" "Know what I mean?" "Holler!" "It's the Roc!" "Bloody bums and everything." "I'm fucked!" "You guys want any water?" "Juice or anything?" "Trees?" "You smoke weed, Caroline?" "Hey, Laura, let's get some stinky-stink in here!" "I mean, look at this, check this out, yo." "You see this motherfucking diamond-studded necklace and this bling-bling watch I'm popping right here?" "I got this shit from jacking A.L.L. Time Warner stocks, you know what I mean?" "I'm gonna try that one more time." "A.O.L." "You see this phat-ass watch I got blinging right here?" "And this phat chain I got hanging off my neck, yo?" "I got that shit from jacking A.L.L..." "I can't even say that word." "Disney's making moves." "Oh, shit, animation, homey." "Animation, bonk." "It's just like selling crizzles on the block, right, yo?" "Buy and trade." "Stock, block, same shit, we the best." "(laughing)" "Stock, block, crack rocks, hip-hop." "Same shit, we the best." "I mean, Smith Barney?" "Bunch of bitches." "It's the best decision you ever made in your life, Steve." "Besides meeting Caroline." "(laughing)" "Besides marrying her." "We got the killer bee stocks." "We got Wu-Tang dividend, we got Shaolin... we also got some Chinese restaurants we're about to invest into also, you know what I mean?" "The first Chinese restaurants owned by blacks in the hood." "Franchise." "Called "Wu To You."" "Wu To You." "This ain't fucking trading places, man, okay?" "This is real life!" "Protect your fucking neck." "The end part seemed a little corny." "Damn, Steve, didn't you read the fucking jump-off?" "Is that too much banging?" "Wu-Tang Financial, a place for you and your kids." "Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing to fuck with." "Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing to fuck with." "Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing to fuck with." "Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing to fuck with." "All right, all right, all right, back to work." "Back to work, lunch is over, guys, a'ight." "Thanks, you did a great job, appreciate it." "Well!" "Silky Johnson." "Man, you oughtta take that cane and beat whoever made that suit to death." "Nigga looks like a Compton Eskimo." "Well, if it isn't the most diabolical haters this side of the Mississippi." "Buck Nasty." "I see you're wearing some kind of bathroom wallpaper, sprinkled with jewelry." "As for you, so-called "beautiful"," "I don't know which one I wanna talk about more, the drip-drip jheri curl or the glitter." "Don't make me pull it out on you." "The glitter is the drip-drip." "Damn!" "And as for you, Boss Hog." "(laughing)" "I'm sorry." "Good to see you all, and bad to see you all." "You hateful, diabolical sons of bitches." "Beautiful!" "In regards to your hairdo," "I suggest you change the oil every 500 miles or so." "It looks like you're pushing the limits." "And Buck Nasty, whose outfit comes with everything but karate slippers." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go take my throne 'cause I'm a shoo-in..." "for hater of the year." "Excuse me." "I hate that." "Bitches, please, let's get to stepping." "This is how shit goes here at the Playa Hater's Ball." "We don't fuck around." "(man) Your bitches look like a Skittles box." "That's right." "I'd say something about your bitches, but it looks like you ate them." "Good evening." "(laughing)" "Yeah, that's what real hating is all about, man." "Oh, shit, I just looked at this nigga, man." "Oh, man, look at that, man, look at this cat." "Oh, Ice-T, stop it." "He always makes fun of Silky Johnson." "That whole calling up and telling on a nigga when he's cheating, that was me!" "And Ice-T did that to me and destroyed what little family unit I had put together." "But that's what's got you in the game, player." "From that point on, you knew that hating was the way to go, baby!" "I've been hateful ever since." "I wish you ill, Ice-T." "That's right." "That's some international top-shelf hatin' there." "You know what I'm saying, I'm gonna do some hating tonight 'cause none of these niggas can't dress, really." "Everybody's broke, really." "I hate all the rappers, I hate all the actors." "I hate all the people on television." "I hate niggas with cars." "I hate niggas with shoes, I hate..." "I mean, I hate the air." "I hate the air, man." "A real hater hates the... here come this nigga Silky again." "Man, what do you want, man?" "He's a hatin' Hall-of-Famer." "I've never seen a more hateful man than Ice-T." "Second only to myself." "Yeah." "Ever since Don "The Bishop" Magic Juan stole my identity and made himself famous." "Oh, that's hateful right there." "Now he hangs out with Snoop Doggy Dogg and lives in the lap of luxury." "We gotta stop that, too, Silky." "We gonna put a stop to all that tonight at the ball." "We gotta stop it some kinda way, man." "'Cause a hater can't stand seeing somebody having it good, man, I'm tired." "I want all hot tubs cold, man." "I'm hot." "I'm mad about it." "Man, I'm hateful, man, is my hair together?" "Mm-hmm." "Yeah, bitch, you get this shit right, man, 'cause I don't wanna hate on you." "(Japanese accent) I'm top playa hater from Japan." "You bitches better recognize." "You two can tap his heels three times and go back to Africa." "Excuse me, cut." "He looks like a broke-ass sexual chocolate." "Like a chocolate..." "I'm confused." "He looks like a broke-ass..." "Sexual broke..." "Sexual chocolate." "(man) Great, thank you, Yoshi." "(man) And action!" "And alarm!" "Unleash Godzilla!" "Yeah!" "(man) Okay, now watch 'em, now fight..." "Watch 'em fight now, now they're fighting." "(man) Godzilla's winning and you're happy." "You're cheering, cheer." "Now Blackzilla's winning." "(man) Pick up the microphone and say, "kill the black man, Godzilla."" ""Godzilla, kill the black man."" "Godzilla kills a black man!" "Everybody in the back, you're concerned and scared." "Say it again, Yoshi." "And action." "Up here, you're looking, you're talking to Godzilla." "And scream, you're calling your whole army to tell him that." "You're yelling at Godzilla right now." "And action!" "Godzilla kills a black man!" "Kill him, kill him, yes!" "Yell, "get him, Godzilla."" "Get him..." "Get him, Godzilla!" "Sorry, no one else talk, just Yoshi." "And action." "G..." "Get him!" "Get him!" "Get him!" "Look up at Godzilla." "Godzilla, oh..." "Godzilla kills a black man!" "Get him!" "One more time, looking at Godzilla, "get him."" "Godzilla, get him!" "All right, now Blackzilla's winning and you're all upset." "Oh, Godzilla!" "Oh, Godzilla!" "Yeah, yell in the microphone, "I hate you both."" "I hate the both!" "Look up at them." "I hate the both!" ""Them both," "I hate them both."" "You hate Godzilla and Blackzilla." "I hate them both!" "So, in the background, we're angry and scared." "Looking up." "Yoshi." "Black man... ah." "It's, "I hate them both," "I hate them both."" "And background." "I hate them both!" "That's it, and action, Yoshi." "Scream, "I hate them both."" "I hate them both!" "One more time, and everybody looking up, and action." ""I hate them both."" "I hate them both!" "One more time, looking up." ""I hate them both," and action." "I hate them both!" "And cut it." "Look around the Godzilla, I must find Blackzilla." "Oh..." ""He pee too strong."" "Oh, he pees strong!" "(screaming)" "(struggling)" "Ahhh..." "Perfect, perfect." "Oh, no!" "Not the volcano!" "(screaming)" "(laughter)" "Oh..." "Perfect fit, oh, so warm." "(moaning)" "Oh, that's right, you dirty-ass mountain." "(moaning)" "(laughing)" "What are you cooking for dinner, mister?" "Oh, I'm glad you asked, little fella." "This here is corned beef hash, these are cauliflower, and this little treat is parsnips." "What the fuck is a parsnip?" "(chuckling)" "You're joking, right?" "Uh, no..." "It's a vegetable from my native land." "No, we're not eating this." "Get some fried chicken or something?" "It's English." "So what?" "I would just..." "why don't you try it?" "No, don't eat that." "Take a bite, it's fine." "It's nasty." "You take a bite." "Well, don't throw me into the brierpatch, Br'er Fox." "(man) Okay, cut." "Oh, "one on one"." "I'll have to watch that." "(straining) Oh, god, fried food." "Oh, those greens." "(laughing)" "Cut!" "I want to pee on you." "Yeah, that's offensive." "Don't knock it 'til you try it." "God damn, I love parsnips." "(dave) What'd he have, giblets?" "(man) Collard greens." "Pork maws." "Pork maws." "(laughing) 12 "apple", take three." "Interesting." "Hair care products." "Catfish recipe." "Hmm... yeah." "(struggling)" "Courtesy flush." "Okay, cut." "That was great, Dave." "Bam, shazam!" "Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about." "This is some..." "good food." "That's right." "Uh, sweetie, what is this gravy made out of?" "That would be made out of lard." "Ah, great." "Yes, delicious." "Perfect capper to another fried dinner." "Thank you." "Mm-hmm." "Dig in, baby." "Mmm, that's good." "You're gonna have a heart attack by the time you're 12." "I am 12." "(laughing)" ""One on one"." "Flicks." "(straining) Oh, god, fried food." "Courtesy flush." "(laughing)" "All right, let's cut... whole nigra crews working on nigra TV shows." "That'll be the day." "Next, you'll tell me there's a nigra comedian with a white writing partner." "Ha!" "Because America is at war with Al Qaeda, but has yet to win the war with Al Sharpton!" "(cheering)" "These are serious times, I still smell nigger!" "Dave, can you do it again without the banging?" "'Cause I'm missing the jokes." "There's one there, get that nigger!" "Another thing I hate about niggers is they always think their penises are big." "They listen to boombastic drum music." "They have fat asses." "Big-ass titties." "(laughing)" "(cheers and applause)" "They said, be gone, nigger!" "We don't wanna smell those wood chips." "We don't wanna smell your piss." "I've been waiting for Rusty Cundieff to yell, "cut,"" "for a long god damn time up in this here!" "Well, we could talk about this all day." "We could go on and on and on." "But there are some people that probably right now are thinking, we'll never use this footage, Kent." "(laughter)" "And they're wondering what the fuck they're doing standing there, holding microphones and videotaping shit, and they don't know why the hell they're there." "And they're just saying..." "They're just going on for no good damn reason." "So, you call cut." "Just call cut." "I'm getting the fuck out of here, Kent." "'Cause I think you're just..." "you've lost it, pal." "We're in the wrong set." "N.B.A. is a bunch of hoop-jumpin' nigras bouncing all around, I'm glad I can't see 'em." "God dang penises popping out their shorts." "Knees shiny with their nigra lotions." "They make me sick!" "They stink!" "Any other questions?" "...which I categorize under niggers." "Homosexuals." "Greeks." "(laughing)" "I'm sorry." "I don't know what the..." "Huh?" "Colin Powell." ""Cunnilingus" Rice!" "Cunnilingus Rice sounds like a Mexican dish." "Maybe we should put her on a plate and send her to Mexico, so the Mexicans will eat her!" "White power." "(laughing)" "I'm sorry, everybody, I couldn't hold that one."