"James Kimberley Griffith" "See I..." "The thing about life is..." "A what is it they say?" "The thing about life is..." "I'm 29 today." "Won't see 30" "But I'm uh..." "I'm okay." "Really." "Okay" "My mate Davy." "He's been helping out since he was made redundant" "He was head of a PR firm that..." "A Jesus I don't really know what they did" "Thank God my sister Chloe's got her girls." "She's taking it pretty badly" "Tries to hide it but..." "I just hate seeing it" " There are people arriving" "Bill... ah he's so excited!" "I think he's just glad to be away from his girlfriend." "And the TV job he hates" "He brought a tree with him that he grew from seed" "He's determined to plant it for me when we get there" "Ah, when we get there..." "My parents keep a brave face... but..." "no one should outlive their children" "The sicknes may be mine, but the tragedy is theirs" "I have to put a distance between me and all of this pitying looks." "Oh Christ I need to escape!" "So my friends are taking me to my favourite place on earth" "Barafundle Bay" "Miles." "Made it at last." "Haven't heard from him in a while" "His dad died when we were 16." "Cancer again." "His dad was a writer" "Made us both want to be writers too" "Miles is at the pressure of expectation, I'm at the pressure of... time, I suppose" "Too much of it then, too little of it now" " Miles?" " You look like shit" "I thought they'd stuck you out here 'cos you'd snuffed it" "Having a pretty good day rhabdomyosarcoma-wise.." "You, you, you..." "Jeeesus!" "No, no, absolutely not." "I agreed to this whole trip and there's one condition" "No, he's not taking it!" "Take care, sis" " Oh God." "Aw!" " He'll be fine" "I love you too" "No, Davy, Davy, Davy!" "Watch it, yeah?" "You ever played tetris?" " Oh, James!" "No, I'll get that" " I'm fine, I'm fine!" " I'll get the cushion" " No, no, not just yet." "I..." "I'll get started under my on steam" " Who wants to push me then?" " Me." " It's a bit bumpy, isn't it?" " Like sex with an anorexic" "How is Melissa?" " She's fatter" " Is she?" "Nothing wrong with that..." "How bloody beautiful is this!" "We need to get to Sound Point this evening" "Now we'll walk until James needs a rest" "No, I'm fine wanted to be agricultural story editor in the..." " Do we have to talk about work?" " No I don't" " It's something some of us spend our lives doing" "Shut up Miles." "Get a job" "Ladies" " Malfunction everybody" " Okay" " I knew it!" "It's the weight, I'm telling you" " What?" " Is it fucked?" " Not on my shift." "Alright, all aside!" "Alright, Davy, can you get me the toolbox?" "At the bottom" "I see the toolbox but I can't actually get it out cause it's way too much weight on the cart" "Okay, well start unpacking it then" "Gee weez!" " If you'd let me!" " Pull out an apple" " You didn't just say 'gee wizz', Bill?" " I did say 'gee wizz'." "I'm exasperated" "Now get that webbing bag out of there and inside there's a little socket set and some pliers" " Gee wizz!" "Look at that webbing bag!" " Hey..." "Biscuits" "Great on their own" "But once they're dipped in tea they become a whole different journey" "Taking you to piss always makes me wanna piss" "You piss far more than I ever used too." "Where's all this new piss coming from?" " I'm not drinking more..." " Would you shut the fuck up please?" "My makeup girl's reading one of your dad's books at work the other day..." "the Lebanon tree" " How's your book coming on?" " Oh, I gave up on it." "Couldn't be arsed" "You should just write a diary about banging' Chelsea chicks" " I'm finally bored of meaningless sex" " Bollocks!" "Alright I might as well piss now too" "You think that's the beetroot?" "Yeah..." "Bill, I'm just saying: we could stove some of the stuff here and pick it up on the way back" "Well if you girls hadn't packed your entire wardrobe" "How's work going?" " You hate what I do" " Only because you do" " You writing?" " I'm so bored with my book question, James" "I'm not a writer, I'm an ad man and I'm good at it" " Did you get the short stories I sent you?" " Yeah, the one about the biker was great" "Really great" "The one about the nurse - it was bollocks" "Well, I'm no writer, but I liked it" " Good for you Davy" " Waft!" "Waft!" "Oh my God!" "That's actually working" "Don't be angry." "I told your mum I'd call her in a bit" " Yeah and you just called her last night" " I know, I promised" "Alright, alright!" "Tell her we have hope in our hearts and wings in our heels and after that no more phone calls" "And if you got your bloody phone on you I'll find it" " Bill, we could just plant this tree" " No!" "Sometimes I watch the credits and wait for the camera man" "Yeah, it's not Shakespeare but pays the mortgage" "Mate, Antiques Roadshow has a big audience" "I work on Cash in the Attic, Davy" " Are you sure?" " What?" " Wait, The White Bull?" "Screw it!" " I thought you knew where we were" "Yeah well I do now" " My 'Spidey Senses' are tingling" " Loving this, boys, lovin this!" "Hit it, lads!" "I'll get the beers then" "I'll have a Guinness" "Oi!" "alcohol and morphine don't mix" "I'll have never taken LSD And lost my shoes playing poker" "I've never had a bandit hold a gun to my head" " I've never been to Birmingham" " I've never sailed around... really?" " No." "What about when Mark was 18?" " Was that Birmingham?" "Have you told him?" "..." "I miss you xx" "Don't you ever get the urge to do something really dangerous?" "Eat some undercooked pig" "I mean a real thrill, a man thrill" " Steady!" "We've all forgotten that moment when you realize you'll never play in the World Cup Final or... be the first man on Mars..." "and all those daydreams become fantasies rather than possibilities" "I have no response to that" "This is nice though, isn't it?" "Yeah..." "Yes it is!" "Where did you get that watch?" "From my father." "Birthday present." "It's a Rolex Oyster Perpetual Sea-Dweller 4000" "Yeah your dad's a liar - it's a fake" "Fuck you!" "Nice." "Give it to me!" "I'm gonna tel"em you asked to see my cock" "Do you like my wings?" "Give me the wach or I'll tear your fucking wings off!" "Don't want it anymore" "Don't like fakes" " Yeah, me neither, come on!" "We're both better off" "Hey, poofter!" "What's the time?" "Brothers, this is not the way!" "I'm sorry." "That was an accident" "He's like an Alsatian pup. he's one of those guys everyone just seems to love" "Nuts?" "Hold your fighting!" "Oi!" "Oi!" " Davy, I'm going in." " This is what we were talking about" " Your morphine chases." "You're drunk" " Maybe." "A little" " This is it" " Maybe you should sit this one out" " NO!" " Sorry" "Davy, ramming speed!" "Hey!" "What are you doing?" "Not him!" "He's got cancer!" "I'm not shitting with you" "You don't hit people with cancer" "Sensible retreat but the tide was turning" "Why would you sleep naked in a tent with me?" "Cause it's like..." "Look I don't wanna feel you poking me in the back" "Yeah did you feel that in the middle of the night" " What is that?" " I'm not gonna..." " I think I farted, sorry..." "I don't know any adults who still use talcum powder" "I don't use talcum powder" "That's your boil skin flaking all over our lovely tent" " Aw Jesus..." " We laid the tent on a cow pat" "I knew that pillow was too good to be true" "I have an insight into what it's like to be one of your wank puppets" "Pretty great I'm told" " Where are my clothes?" " Mine are missing too" "Yes they are..." "All your spare clothes are missing" "Why?" "Why would you do this?" "Why?" "We have no need for the wasteful conforts of modern life" " I'll fucking kill you!" " What?" "!" "We are going to experience the landscape" "A wardrobe from leaves and Kendal mint cake" "Don't chase him, you just encourage" "Don't wrestle again!" "I'm bored of seeing wrestles" "God, it's like deliverance" "That's it, I'm wearing your clothes if I get wet" " Where are my digestifs?" " Up my arse you prick!" "Now that is deeply, deeply, deeply disturbing" " If the cart breaks..." " Ah, get on, get a grip!" " Come on, ok?" " No!" " No?" "Come on!" " Steady boys" "Ok?" "Go, go, go!" "Hello there!" "We 4 would like to take the ferry" " When?" " Whenever it leaves" "Four." "There are four of us..." " And the cart." " Yes." "Singles or returns?" "Return." "But not today, we're camping" " When you're coming back?" " Saturday." "Latest" " Is he wearing eye make-up?" " He is..." " Four returns?" " Yes." "Does it run everyday?" "365 days a year, 24/7, first ferry leaves 6am, last ferry back 8pm" "No ferry at Christmas, New Year's day or Easter" "So it's neither 365 days a year, nor 24/7." "Sell many returns, do you?" "What's your problem, mate?" " I'm gonna have to charge you for the cart" " Listen, Tootsie..." "I'll charge you for an extra passenger." "How's that sound?" "Single or return for the cart?" "Fucking idiots!" "Jenna Jamesson is naked right there." "Kristin Scott Thomas naked there" "Double barrel all the way" "Davy." "Can't get up" "No, no,no." "I'm okay." "It's just a bit more than I'm used to" "Just need to take some meds, I'll be okay" "Don't tell the others" "Heaven" "D'you know, if this was heaven" "I'd be pretty fucking chuffed" "I like the way you subtly brought it back round to you dying" "I'd forgotten" "No, seriously though I don't believe in the pearly gates" "What do you think Davy" "Come on!" " I don't know." "I wanna believe in something like.." "God." "I do." "I do." "Reincarnation." "Born again" " As a Mollusc?" " Don't piss on my Nirvana!" "No but seriously." "Our souls..." "I don't know but I've done a lot of thinking and reading about it recently, of course, and" "I think it's got something to do with that magic science we barely know anything about like..." "dark matter" "Actually there's a belief in buddhist faith about a kind of constant energy" "Quantum physicists have proven its existence" "Perfect timeless universal space" "Yeah..." "What?" "It's just..." "like being, is-ness..." "I can't help but picture myself this dust dancing in the flicker light" "Millions of atoms of constant... is-ness" "What the fuck are you talking about?" "Just picture me tapdancing in the firmament and I'll be well happy" "What do you think, Miles?" "what happens when we snuff it?" " No idea" " You must have thought about it" "What's your instinct?" "I wanna know" "After your 'dancing across the stars' do you wanna hear that I think there's nothing?" "That you'll rot and that's it" " After my father died, that's what I decided" " Really?" "Yeah" "I suppose one day we'll live on in our kids" "Did anybody get any sleep?" "Sand in sleepbag" "Christ, that is a great cup of tea" "You make a great cup of tea that gives you real pleasure" "Then you go and ruin it" "Why don't you finish it then get off your ass and make a new one?" "Oh Bill, you were gonna film treefrogs in the Amazons" "Save the planet and instead you're filming some heinous piece of daytime TV shit" "In order to pay a mortgage to live with a girl that you don't even..." "I don't recognize you anymore, you're getting more and more watered down every day" " Nice." "Was that rehearsed?" " Shut up, Miles!" "Jim, lots of people would kill for Bil"s job" "At least he's in a relationship unlike any of us" "Just..." "I never seem to get things done the way I thought I would" "When I am happy I just... and now..." "I love lessons learned through anecdotal observation" "Seriously, did you prepare that?" "Like you finish anything anyway..." " I'm fine" " Ignore this" " Shit!" " I'm fine" " Give me the joint" " Oh, fuck!" "Here, take the Phemoryl" "Hey, we can get to Goat's Head tomorrow easily." "The perfect spot" " Soft grass." "Great view" " Sounds good" " Miles, you know a lot about women" " No" "Me and Abby have been together seven years now." "And I just..." "Bill, we both know that most people settle for something that they think is better than being alone." " Great." "Is that me?" " I don't know." "How should I know?" "Why do I want the opinion of a man who doesn't believe in love" "The love you're talking about is like an addiction" "You should be thinking "I can't live without you today"." "Everyday" "You'd do everything to make her want you more" "Make her want you" " Someone chinked the armour?" " No..." " Okay, do you always tell me the truth?" " Yes." "Is there really such a thing as multiple orgasms?" "Yes..." "Fuck!" "I need you guys to hold him down." "I have to get this up inside him" " You bastard!" " Bastard" "Your soap I'm gonna stick it up your arse And you!" "If I'm reading this map right - and I know I am" "I'm seriously gonna save us some time" " Can I see the map?" " No" " Couldn't we go round that way?" " Davy, this is gonna save us a day" " Miles, let's get you strapped up" " You can fuck off" " There, lift your arms" " Really?" " Why am I going first?" " Because you're useless and we can do without you" " Hold it!" " Can I have your car if you fall?" " You can fuck off!" "What are you doing?" " Get a grip" " Who's fucking idea was this?" " Not mine" " Davy, you're doing well." "Lean back into it" " Davy!" " Don't." "Don't look down just lean back" " I'm gonna pull here, mate" " Oh, God" " Use your pelvis and your back" " Get down" " Oh... oh yeah man" "Slowly, slowly" "Why am I always the one that's getting it rather than giving it... ah!" " James!" " James!" "Tie off his leg" " Got it?" " Yeah" " Yeah?" "Good" "Go on!" "Oh God!" " Are you okay, Jim?" " Fine" "Nice one Bill!" "What do you think it is?" "It's a lovely day for it" "Is it?" "Did you find anything useful?" "It depends on one's needs" "I'm looking for something pretty specific" "Fifteen years ago I was in a bar in Marseille" "A Chinaman... a cargoboat skipper was saying he lost a fortune" "A container of Star Wars figures." "Yeah?" "But no ordinary Star Wars figures faulty Darth Vaders - made brown like Ben Kenobi instead of black." "Unique." "Collectable" "But he'd lost'em in the storm" "The only container to go over board breaking up on the rocks" "Now years later I'm here in Pembrokeshire." "Walking." "Trying to clear my head" "A lot." "And I see these coves you know and all this... all this rubbish" "It should just be beautiful drift wood, not all this industrial flotsam and jetsam but, you know, men should still wear hats every day, the world's changed" "Am... you were talking about the Chinaman" "No, nono.. the brown Vaders should be here So everyday I started coming down to look" "A month went by." "Then two." "Then three..." "I started thinking I was... crazy" "But then one morning I found a yogurt pot" "It had a 'sell by' date on it:" "November 1980" "So stuff is being washed up here from that exact year" " Obviously, I kept on looking" " Obviously" "A year, two years." "Still no Brown Vaders" " And then last month..." " No!" "No, but..." "It's a light saber." "from a Darth Vader made between 1980 and 1981" "They're here..." " I never heard anything like it in my whole life!" " That makes two of us" " I need a piss" " No!" "Let me" " I'm dying to see James's cock, it's been ages" " I'm going down there!" " Your friend is ill" " No, he's just excitable" "Not him, the other one" "Yes." "He's got cancer." "It's terminal" "Right." "I lost a friend to cancer." "My best friend ever" " Sorry." " It's not your fault" "It's just really really, really, really, really, really unlucky." " Right." " I have other friends" "People find me attractive" "But I started looking for a new best friend from my existing friends and then acquaintances, and then new people" " How long are you gonna carry on looking?" " For a new best friend?" " No, for the..." " Oh" "No I tend to look for things." "I'm okay" "Great to be needed." "Isn't it?" "I'd forgotten" " Maybe you're one of the lucky ones" " Yeah" " Rare... a gift." "There already" "And good" " Thank you, I... thank you" " No." "Thank YOU" " Where are you going?" " To shit" "Enjoy your walk" " I LOVE that dude!" " I really thought he was going to kill us" "Possibly fuck us." "And then eat us" " He could turn around and stalk us" " He was..." "I don't know he was actually" "Davy." "Did he touch your private place?" "Okay, that is wrong" "It's the third star to the right and then straight on till morning" " Well I thought it was second star" " Well, fuck, the one of the lot" "You've been hitting the morphine kind of hard" "Guys!" "If this weather keeps up, how about we anchored down here for an extra night?" "No." "I have to get back to work" "I still think we're carrying too much stuff I mean.. the fireworks" " Fireworks?" " Davy!" " What fireworks?" " You've ruined it!" "Sorry, but" "We had this idea, because you love looking at the stars and" "Dancing through the cosmos that we put on a firework display for you at Barefundle" "But they weigh a ton so can we just light the fuckers here?" "Did you light all of them?" "Fucking hell!" "Oh fuck!" "FUCK!" "Fucking great!" "What do we do now?" "You fucking idiot!" " You idiot!" " It was Bill as well!" "It was... an accident" "You fucking child!" "'Oh my God he's funny!" "'" "Oh how humorous!" "We're all gonna have to sleep in a tent that was made for... fucking anorexic pygmeys!" "Ah come, we'll have a little cuddle" "Right." "I got my knife." "So any of you starts going 'Brokeback', I'll be going 'Rambo', alright?" "Oh, God, you feel good..." "So how you turn the light off then?" " You twist it round" " What?" " Turn the... that's it" "Alright?" "Yeah" " Dance, dance, wherever you may be" " No!" " I am the Lord of the Dance, said he" " No!" "Who packed these?" "You know you can use condoms to cover a microphone actually" "To record dolphins underwater." "That's what they use" "Cool." "Everyone get that?" "It may not come up but - thanks Bill" "We shouldn't have cooked all the beans tonight" " We've plenty of food." " I'm not worried about me!" " Jesus, stop!" " Stop what?" "Stop making sure he gets to do this bloody trip?" "You two don't have any idea how much responsibility I have to take so you can just piss about" " You get thanks all the time" " Well, that's nice" " Why are you so desperate to be needed?" " I'm glad you see it like that." "I don't" "I'm grateful!" "..." "But what are you gonna do when I'm not around?" "I can't picture it" " Who knows, Jim?" " Yes but before you used to moan about how you felt you were being taken advantage of at work until you lost your job and then I think my cancer came along at just the right time" "I shall treat you all to a shrink when we get back but for now can we just have a laugh?" "It's not about failing it's about finding your..." "If you say Raison d'etre I'm going to kill myself" " Shut up Miles, this is..." " Repugnant?" "Boring?" " What do you want?" "What..." " What special thing are you searching for?" " James." "He's doing fine" " Ok?" "And your being a bit... harsh" " It's not about the cards life dealt you" "It's about the hand that you feel safe playing" "I thought the tea life making metaphore was good but that was.. exquisite" "You know, Miles, it's so easy to take the piss but 'm angry with all of you" "I don't want to die!" "I want... more time" "I want more time" "I'd take any one of your pointless consumer-fucker lives!" "I was gonna do so much!" "I was going to be special." "And I know it sounds pompous." "It is" "You are" "You make me sick!" "Don't." "I love my life." "Cancer's no excuse for being an egomaniac" " Why are you special?" " Right, so you don't think I would have amounted to anything as a writer.." " I don't know!" "That's the point!" "But by our age my father had already written three books." "Your writing's good but you only finally sat down to do it because it became too painful to stand up" "What?" "You want to hit me now, you... pissy little arse-licker?" "Oh, fuck off!" "You bore the shit out of me!" "We're not your secretaries." "We don't run away if you turn nasty" " I'm telling him the truth!" " I know!" "But WHY?" "Why are you so cruel?" "You're just cruel." "There's other ways to get what you want" "Davy." "It's like you're actually looking at my soul through a microscope" "I'll have to redeem myself!" "Davy will you give me Aids!" "Bill?" "Rabies?" "Come on." "Ah, GOD!" "We don't need to be doing this!" "We should be laughing and talking bollocks about the good old days..." " I read your book!" "I read it" "He finished it years ago" " When did you read it?" " Two years ago" "I knew you've been writing something and I snooped around on your computer and there it was." "Finished" "Hated you for it" "I copied it but I..." "I did't read it" "And then I got sick and I gave in to my desire to..." "Even though I knew you'd never, ever be able to forgive me" "Mate, if you wanted to get somethig off your chest why didn't you just call me?" "I'd have come round, we'd have had a chat watch Jaws and pretend that you weren't sick" " I AM sick!" " BECAUSE you are!" "And when you're gone, you won't... know that this is fucking killing me!" "It's not worth talking about it, it's not going to change anything." "This is just unnecessary fake soul searching which everyone is doing these days" "And I can't even say this REAL stuff because I just might not get a chance to see you again so I can say..." "You don't need to apologise, Miles..." "I wasn't going to apologise you arrogant little fuck!" "I'm right!" "And we don't apologise" "I can say this shit, and come back in 5 minutes and say nothing." "That's the point!" " Your book..." " Ah, shut up!" " You know it is." " Jesus this trip has been like a walk with the sick-white-Oprah!" "You would hate you right now" "Thank you" "I'm not afraid of failing now" " I don't have to live in..." " I know" "You see my dad was so..." "Yes, I know" " And now the only other person who I" " Yeah, I know" "Well, if you're not gonna fucking listen..." "Fucking hell" "Don't worry about Jim." "It's morphine talking." "This morning he called me Robert..." "You've been fucking hard, Bill" "You're psychotic" " You promised!" " I've gotta get it." "It's important" "What, more important than this trip?" " Aw, Davy has a phone" " For emergencies" "It's not about the phone, it's about you not wanting to be here" " Alright." "Give me the phone!" " Guys, guys, the cart!" "Davy!" "Davy!" " What the fuck are you doing?" " You would have gone over with it!" " I would have got it you twat!" " He just saved your life" "You think he likes me more than you, you whiny poof!" " Why do people keep throwing my stuff in the sea?" " Ok, ok." "That.. also was an accident." "The phone was bad." "Bad, Davy!" "But it's not the end of the world." "Miles your company knows you've gone into the wild" "It's not that simple!" "Everything's fucked" "It's all shit and people rely on me" "The banks called in the loan" "I'm going under" "Miles is failing." "Are you happy about that?" "Boys." "Boys!" "We have a poblem" "We'll just have to camp here till one of us goes back and gets help" "No." "We haven't finished the walk" "Mate, you weren't doing that much walking, and your transport's gone!" "We'll call your dad." "Maybe stay at a B  B on the mainland and maybe he can..." " Where's your phone?" " In my bag" "Uh." "No." "I'm afraid it's in my bag... on the cart." "This is un-fucking-believeable" " There's a kind of amazing natural symmetry to.." " Shut up, Bill." " Where's the map?" " It's in the cart" " We're going on, it's not far." "I'll walk it." "I can." " James!" "No, Davy!" "I'm going on." "I just want one night there" "If you won't come with me, I'll go on my own." "I have to" "I have to." "I'm not finished yet!" "We may be closer to the emergency phone at Barafundle." "So... either that or I run back to the last phone." "Reckon I can jog it in five hours" "When did you last run for five hours?" "If we go on we should stick together in case we have to carry him" "So should I tell him or let him keep going?" "James, stop!" "Are you coming to Barafundle?" "We are." "But it's that way" " Davy" " What?" "What do you really think about what I said to you earlier?" "You've no right to talk to me like that." "None." "Why didn't you say so in front of the others?" "Loyalty you prick" "Don't put out the fire with your piss, Bill." "It stinks!" "Is this all the gas we have?" "Bill?" "He's asleep" "God it's good to see him off the leash." "He's a beautiful, bighearted force of nature" "And she crushes every natural urge in him." "It's a horrible relationship" "How do you know what he wants?" "Abby's pregnant" "Oh, fuck" "Why didn't you say anything?" "I wanted to enjoy the walk" " Con.. congratulations..." " Don't!" "I'm not saying it's good news, in the circumstances, but you'll be a brill..." "Is it definitely yours?" " Far as I know." " And she wants to keep it?" " Baby or not... if she isn't the one..." " Of course she isn't the one!" "Then use this as the opportunity to have a fresh start, Billy..." "Shut the FUCK up, Jim!" "Yeah." "It all gets watered down" "But I stick to my decisions, however shit" "And when all my dreams come to nothing, I'll be around to bloody see it!" "You should have told me before!" "You should have fucking told me!" "Oh, shit." "Man, you really showed that tree..." " Listen, I'm sorry about your tree" " No, I wouldn't want it any other way" "My tree will drift away and will wash up on some distant shore." "It's perfect" "You alright, Davy?" "Wait, wait, Miles!" " Jim!" " Are you alright?" "Breathe" "Fuck it." "We have to get him back." "I'll run on,Bill, you run back" " We might see a boat or... or..." " Shut up, Miles." " We're fine." " Bil!" "Bill!" " This is ridiculous!" " I don't know." " Jesus!" " You cary Jim for a bit" "Don't tell me what to do" " Why?" " You feeling all hard now?" "!" "Why?" "Because I didn't kick your arse for chucking my phone in the sea!" "Because I'm actually right!" "Just." "Shut." "Up!" "This isn't about you right now Pick him up!" " Pick him up!" " Fuck you!" "Pick him up, you fucking coward!" " I think we should stop them." " Yeah well, I know we should but it's kinda fascinating..." "Alright, let's call it a draw..." "I liked the little 'EEEK!" "' noise you made when he got you in a head lock" "I mean - why are you even here Miles?" "We didn't expect you to turn up" "This is actually happening" "And it hurts." "And it's amazing." "I've been around for it all." "He needed me and I was there for him and I'm really sorry you have such a problem with that" " Davy." "You're right" "I wasn't gonna come" "Your illness disgusts me." "It shocks me" "I couldn't physically be around it It's true, I haven't been there for you" "I'm sorry" "Come on, you bugger" "Jesus!" "Barafundle Bay" "Actually do you know what?" "This isn't the one I was thinking of..." "Thank you" "Is there anything so peaceful as the sound of the ocean?" "I'm sorry" "Who the fuck am I to tell you how to live your lives?" "I mean I was just..." "I'm fucking your sister" "I am totally and utterly in love with her and I have been for ten years" "Shit!" "I watched her marry Mike and I did nothing." "Have children, let her do her comfortable life" "I wanted her." "I pursued her." "And I got her" "My God!" "We met up when you got sick." "It's... a..." "It's ironic, isn't it?" "Yeah" "One day, soon, she's gonna bring the girls to my house" "We're perfect for each other" "James" "I knew she had a thing for you but then every woman does" "So what's the big fucking surprise then?" "You can have anyone you wanted." "Why her?" "You know why" "The kids!" "What about the girls?" " I'm gonna take care of them" " Oh, God!" "When were you gonna tell me any of this?" " You weren't gonna tell me" " No" " Do you want my blessing?" " No." "I'll do it anyway" " Yeah" " Yeah" "James, listen." "Listen!" "There is one thing that my father said to me that is bigger than everything." "And anyone" "And if I was any son of his, I'll figure out what it is" "I have" "I hope it works out for you" "There is no ribbon to tie around it all is there?" "I thought I was ready." "Now I..." "I look at Bill and I think" "If I could get through another nine months" "Hold on long enough to see Chloe sorted out with or without..." "I'm leaving early." "And it all goes on without me" "The strange thing is - this is what I was most afraid of." "But now it's..." "It's a relief, Milo" "Such a bloody relief!" "How's the book?" "I think it's more interesting with half the page missing" "I'm going for a swim" " Your mom said..." " I know" "Tomorrow, I'm gonna swim out into the middle of the bay and I'm not coming back." "I know the enormity of this, and I am asking you to let me swim" " No" " No" " Jim." "We can't let you mate." " You can." "The question is: will you?" "Has this been your plan all along?" "I thought you wanted to live." "Why would..." "Because this is how my life is gonna be from now on" "Because of the pain" "Because of the drugs that I take for the pain, because of the drugs that I take for the side-effects of the other drugs..." "You've seen it" "It's only gonna get worse" "My life is all up here now really, but it's taking over and gradually I'll slip further and further into thinking solely about pain and that's not worth living for" "I don't know what the pain's like but surely we can..." " What?" " I don't know." "I can't..." " You can" " What would we tell your mum and dad?" " This is insane!" "I can't believe you're talking about it normally!" "The same as you'll tell the police." "That you woke up in the morning and I'd gone." "That you searched the dunes and then you saw something floating in the sea." "You went to get me but by then it was too late" "every time I'd saw your family I'd know they could have had you for another day" "To say goodbye properly" "That's just it, there won't be a better goodbye than the one we just had." "There will." "It isn't time yet." "I have never been so alive." "And now I want to end it" "I want to finally... finish something." "Why don't you just go home and take an overdose like normal people." " It'd be painless." "You'd just fall asleep." " It would be giving in." "If I swim out and the sea takes me, it's different." "I would be making the choice" "I want to be conscious until I'm gone, I want to feel something even if it's the pain of salt water in my lungs." "I want to FEEL the fight." "Something... huge... and... terrifying" "and brave" "I promised your mum I'd bring you back." "Sorry James." "Okay" "Okay, I'm sorry." "It's too much to ask" "Davy..." "Davy!" "I can't find his meds bag" "Must have slipped out" "He doesn't have any morphine left" "I'm not fucking deaf!" "We'll find it." "Miles!" "Davy!" "Davy!" "Miles!" "Fuck" "I can't breathe!" "I can't..." "Shit!" " Miles!" "Miles, I got it!" " Jesus!" "Anybody there?" "James!" "James,i've got it." "James!" "Sorry." "Sorry" "You've nearly outlived Davy" "You've ruined this camping trip." "Can we go home now, please?" "Ah, James." "I'm scared" "Sorry" "If you can't do this, tell me" "I'll swim as far as I can" "I'd rather not be alone, mate" "Please..." "Miles" "Do this" "Miles!" "Please!" "So I raise a morphine toast to you all" "And, if you should happen to remember, it's the anniversary of my birth" "Remember that you were loved by me" "And that you made my life a happy one" "And there's no tragedy in that"