"Peacocks We're marching down the field" "Peacocks And we refuse to yield" "No one's tougher 'Cause we are rougher" "We are the Peacocks of ULA" "See, now that's exactly why people be pushing you down the steps." "For your information, I've done the peacock strut exactly nine minutes before each game and we've won every time." "If we beat SCU tomorrow, ULA will be the division champs." "Like you care." "You see, now that's where you're wrong, my little pet peeve." "I hope that ULA whoops their butts tomorrow." "So the fighting peacock within you has finally emerged." "Oh, yes, sir, he came out to bet $500 on the game." "How you disappoint me." "Well, time to open." "Let's put on our helpful faces." "Oh, my God." "Who would do such a thing?" "Guess we can rule out Notre Dame." "Thanks, Birdman, you're the best mascot this school ever had." "Thank you." "Hey, Carlton, what was Coach Kelly talking to you about?" "Oh, he likes to consult with me before making important game decisions." "So, what's it gonna be, regular or grape-flavored Gatorade?" "You can crack wise, Will, but I'm an important part of this team." "None of those guys will leave the locker room before they rub me for luck." "Sure they not just rubbing you for fun, baby?" "Rub this, Will." " Yo, Jazz, what's up, man?" " What's up, man?" "Hey, did your bookie take my bet?" "You down." "Five C's on ULA." "You are the man." "Who else could have found out that the Mustangs' starting quarterback has come down with the flu?" "It pays to have friends at the urology lab." "You know, it might serve them SCU punks right." "Messing up the Peacock." "I've been cleaning this place up all day." "You know, you're getting soft." "The Will Smith I know wouldn't get mad." "He'd get even." "You know what, Jazz?" "Tonight, you and I will acquire a vehicle and we're going to acquire the SCU statue." "Swipe Mikey the Mustang?" "Now, why would I steal something I can't sell?" "Well, the Jazz I know didn't need a reason to do something stupid." "You're right, Will." "What was I thinking?" "Here's what we're gonna do." "Daddy." "Daddy, there's a man under my bed and I didn't tell him to hide there." "Sweetheart, he's from the security company." "I'm thinking of upgrading our alarm system." "Hilary, there was a robbery in our neighborhood." "Someone cleaned out the entire east wing of the Spelling mansion." "How are they going to fence all that crushed velvet?" "Here they are, family." "Three tickets to the big game." "See what happens when your son's a mascot?" "They're right on the 50-yard line." "Won't we be in the way?" "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go check my head for molt." "You know, Will, it wouldn't hurt if you did something for your school." "Oh, I know, and I am, Uncle Phil." "Tonight, I'm stealing the SCU statue." "Don't even joke about something like that." "I was just kidding, Uncle Phil." "But, well, hey, can I borrow the station wagon?" "You know, got me kind of a big date tonight, you know?" "Yeah." " Sure, here you are, son." " Thank you, thank you." "You know, Will, illegal transportation of a school statue is a felony." "Yes, sir, thank you." "All right, here's the situation, unless you fortify your security system my guess is within six months you'll all be dead." "That's a little extreme, isn't it?" "Extreme?" "Let me tell you about some of the things I've seen, Mr. Banks." "Homes overrun by thugs and gangs priceless possessions lost forever to ruthless looters." "Mangled bodies of innocent people slaughtered like lambs." "God, where was this?" ""Mortal Kombat" by Sega." " All right, what do you recommend?" " This little baby right here." "Oh, come on, this is a bit much, isn't it?" "I mean, Russia has fallen." "Fine, if you don't care about the safety of your lovely young daughters." "All right, all right, all right." "We'll take the ultimate security package." "Move in." "Okay, check it out, check it out." "So we had Mikey the Mustang here wrapped up in blankets in the back of the Volvo, right?" "So we about to jet off campus." "All of a sudden:" "It's like, "Oh, five-0!" Right, yo, we knew we was busted." "Man, I saw my whole record flash before my eyes." "Yeah, I had to think fast, right?" "So I put on this real sincere face before I knew it I had this cop convinced I was Sidney Poitier's son." "Who's the man?" "Who is the man?" "It's me." "Y'all ain't gotta say nothing, go on." "Get on fools." "Well, I got to go get me a new jacket." "If you need me, I'll be in the lost and found." "Hey, what's that bucking Mustang doing here?" "Just a little payback to them SCU fools for that stunt they pulled yesterday." "And you said I didn't have no school spirit." "You must return it." "Carlton, we're just having a little fun, man." "I know how much you hate that, baby." "Don't you understand?" "SCU is going to retaliate." "I mean, you've practically given them an invitation to abscond with Percival." "Who?" "Hello?" "Percival, our beloved peacock." "Look, I'm holding you personally responsible for its safety." "Don't take your eyes off of him." "Oh, but, Carlton, no." "That means I'll miss the big pep rally." "Well, I'm sorry, Will, don't do the crime if you can't do the time." "Now, if you'll excuse me I have 4000 fans waiting for me in the quad." "Hand me my head." "I'd love to." "It's show time." "Come on, girls, Carlton's rally starts in 45 minutes." "I'm sorry I overslept." "It took me forever to get to sleep." "That guard dog was barking all night." "Can't he be like other dogs and quietly lick himself?" "Look, I got this system so that we'd all feel safe." "Now, I just press in our code and we're off." "Fifty seconds to activation." "Please exit the premises." " Maybe he wants a bone." " Yeah, one of ours." "No, wait a minute." "What is the release command?" "It's something German." "Strudel, schnitzel..." "Mercedes." " Let's try the front door." " Good idea." "Come on." "Twenty seconds to activation." "Please exit the premises." "He's a quick little sucker, isn't he?" " Maybe you should shut off the alarm." " Good idea." "Let me see, our code." " Ten seconds to activation." " Code is seven something." "Switching to final countdown." " Ten, nine, eight, seven..." " It is..." "Okay, okay, 508 six, five, four..." " No, no three, two, one." " Do you mind, please?" "Activating security system." " Daddy?" " I'll call the security company." "Just stand still." "Be still." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Just gonna call..." "Intruder, stay where you are." "There is no escape." "Well, at least we're safe." "Five seconds to automated armed response." "What happened to Carlton?" "I think my Aunt Helen dropped him on his head when he was a baby." "No, I mean, he's late for the rally." "He usually shows up early to help me with the team seating chart." "He left here about an hour ago." "Well, he never showed." "I got a feeling in my gut something happened to him." "I just know it has." "Look, coach, trust me Carlton wouldn't miss that game for all the cheese in Philly." " He'll be there or my name ain't..." " Will!" "Is this the end of our plucky mascot?" "Does this spell doom for the Fighting Peacock football team?" "Stay tuned, same Fresh Prince time, same Fresh Prince channel." "It could be worse." "I mean, he could have been dipped in 11 herbs and spices." "It's 90 minutes before game time." "Any sign of Carlton?" "Well, actually, there is a sign." "That's it." "Game over." "We're dead." "He's not exactly Vince Lombardi." "This is how my career is gonna end, huh?" "Well, at least I still have my health." "What's that lumpy thing on the back of your neck?" "Listen, listen, coach." "Coach, listen." "You're sweating it over nothing." "The game is a lock." "We found out that the SCU starting quarterback came down with the Canadian flu." "The Canadian flu?" "What the hell is that?" "I guess it's just like the American flu, just colder." "Hogwash." "Every year SCU tries to put out some bogus rumor about one of its star players." "Mess up our game plan." "Last year, their kicker had rickets." "Jazz, you fed me a bad tip, man." "I might owe your bookie $500 that I don't have." "Tony the Shovel ain't gonna like that." "Just ask Flat Nose Gary." "The Birdman is our team's lucky charm." "Without him, our players won't think they can win." "And, if they don't have it here, they ain't gonna to have it here." "And if they don't have it here, you gonna get it there." "Jazz, Jazz, come here, come here." "I know where this is." "This is the rumpus room of the Kappa Omega Psi sorority." "How you know that?" "Well, I got me a little rumpus in that room the other night, you know." "Hey, come on, come on." "Let's go, let's go." " I can't go there, man." " Why not?" "Restraining order." "It's a long story." "Thanks, but we'll just stick with our old system." "You're making a big mistake, Mr. Banks." "Well, we've got everything." "Except for the dog." "He seems to have chewed his way through the fence." " What will we do if he comes back?" " Yeah, isn't he kind of dangerous?" "Only if he hasn't eaten." "I don't know, maybe we should have given the new system a little more time." "Now, we live in a dangerous world and we should take precautions." "But turning our home into a bunker isn't the answer." "You're right." "Let's just get guns." "You're missing the whole point, sweetheart." "We are lucky enough to live in an area where we don't have to be obsessed with safety." "We missed Carlton's rally." "Let's not miss the big game, okay?" " Okay." " Come on." " I'm so excited." "It's gonna be..." " I know." "Is that...?" "My God!" "Somebody stole my Mercedes." "You know, you are way too nice to be locked up in a cage." " Does that mean you'll let me out?" " No." "But you're awfully cute when you grasp at false hope." "Look, I know you might find this hard to believe but in high school, I was sort of a..." "Dweeb?" "Well, I was going to say loner, but that too." "Now, for the first time, I'm actually part of a team." "Don't do this to me." "That was so moving." "Well, I'm late for the game." "Bye." "Amanda!" "Never mind." " Will, I'm so glad you're here." " Shut up." " Yeah, I knew you'd make it." " Shut up." " Come on." " Damn." "Look, Will, I'm desperate." "Take off your pants." "I think you're taking this jail thing just a little too far, buddy." "Look, it's almost game time." "You're gonna have to go in my place." "If you think I'm putting on that stupid suit, you're out of your mind." "Well, if you don't, you're out 500 bucks." "Unzip me, please." "Gets a little funky in there too, huh?" "Men, I know this is the first time we've been behind at the half." "But all we need is four quick touchdowns." "We'll be right back in this thing." " He's here." " Yeah!" "Hey, it looks bad, Carlton, but now that you're here, we got a chance." "Do the peacock strut." "On your feet, boys." "Peacocks We're marching down the field" "Peacocks And we refuse to yield" "No one's tougher 'Cause we are rougher" "We are the Peacocks of ULA" "Peacocks We're marching down the field" "Peacocks And we..." "Hey, hey, hey." "Hey, hey, hey!" "What the hell are you doing?" "That's not the peacock strut." "This is the peacock strut." "Peacocks We're marching down the field" "Peacocks And we..." "What?" "They rough you up or something?" "Those animals." "Well, at least you're here, and that's all that counts." "Okay, gather around boys, it's time to rub the Birdman." " Yeah!" " Y'all ain't rubbing nothing over here." "Hey!" "Hey!" "You." "Where's Carlton?" "Hey, look, we tried to break him out, man, but it wasn't happening." "We're toast." "I cannot believe what I'm seeing." "Boo-hoo, our mascot ain't here." "You big bunch of babies." "What about your fans?" "They got a lot riding on this game." "Their hopes, their dreams." "Their nose." "Hey, listen, I'm gonna tell y'all one time, and one time only." "Mascots do not win football games." "Players do." "And coaches." "Hey, you know what, you gentlemen got a choice." "You can give up and crawl away like spineless, gutless losers or you can pull it together." "Throw it down, pick it up, strap it on, kick it's butt and go out as champions!" "Yeah!" "This is the biggest game you will ever play." "Yeah!" "Now, sure, some of you may make it to the pros but, let's be honest, for most of you this is the end of the line." "Ye...!" "No more big games, no more free rides." "No more honeys acting like you all that." "Let's be honest, we don't even know if half you all are gonna graduate." " Then, what you gonna do?" "Coach?" " Hey!" "That's right, you guys, it doesn't matter what we do, we're losers." "Wait a minute, I didn't..." "That ain't, that ain't..." "Well, wait, wait, wait." "Okay, okay, okay, here's an idea." "Rub me, rub me, rub the bird." "Rub, rub..." "Hey, Carlton, how'd you get out, man?" "I escaped while the housekeeper was changing the newspaper." "Hey, fellas, I made it!" "What did you do to them?" "Listen..." "Listen, Carlton, that is not important." "The most important thing is that you get out right there and you strut like you've never strat." "Peacocks We're something something field" "Peacocks... pealed" " No one's tougher" " Right, right." "'Cause we are rougher" " We are the Peacocks of ULA" " Come on, come on, come on." " Peacocks" " Yeah!" "We're marching down the field" "Peacocks And we refuse to yield" "No one's tougher 'Cause we are rougher" " We are the Peacocks of ULA" " One more time!" "Man, this victory party is weak." "That's because we lost, Jazz." "And thanks to you, I'm gonna have a date with Tony the Shovel." "Well, I hoped you learned your lesson about gambling." "Okay, Jazz, check it out, check it out." "Because you my homey, right?" "I'll give you a five minute head start before I chase you down and drop kick your little coconut head." "Fair enough." "Hey, hey, hey." "Come on, Carlton, cheer up, man, we only lost by one point." "You know, that was a hell of a comeback." "Man, you should be proud as a peacock." "We played a good game." "I'm just thinking about someone." " Amanda?" " Yeah." "I'll probably never see her again." "I'll bet you $500 you'll see her again." "You're on, mister." "Carlton?" "Amanda, does this mean what I think it means?" "Yes, Carlton, I've come to gloat." "We won." "Well, bye." "Wait a minute, that's it?" "I thought we had something special." "Dear Carlton, it would never work between us." "You're a Peacock, I'm a Mustang." "Can you imagine what our children would be like?" "What, powerful hind legs with a colorful tail?" "Then I guess this is goodbye." "Just until we graduate." "I'll wait for you." "And I'll cut back on dating." "Hey, Carlton." "Look, I know if two people like each other it shouldn't matter where they go to school, but the truth is it does." "Alas, fate has conspired to keep us apart." "That's beautiful, man." "I just want my $500." "He's a quick little sucker, isn't he?" "And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen." "Only for you." "Give a little..."