"Supposing Queen Elizabeth had been misguided enough to marry an English Commoner." "Janet." "I'm sorry Ms. Fox, I didn't quite hear." "Obviously you're immersed in problems of far greater significant than Elizabeth's foreign policy." "When I was a kid, I used to think there was a special place where" "All the movie stars lived" "A kind of Shangri La." "And if you could just get inside there, You'd be happy." "Forever." "All these years later, I'm finally inside." "I've made it... to Shangri La." "My name is Sidney Young." "I am a celebrity correspondent." "A journalist, a friend to the stars." "Yeah... that... that isn't me." "This is me." "At the Apollo Film Awards in L.A., this year." "That's my Armani tuxedo." "That's an Omega Speed Master Pro watch I'm wearing." "That's the actress, Sophie Maes." "Last night she told me she'd let me have sex with her if she won... the best actress award." "Oh!" "..." "She just won the Best Actress Award" "My life didn't used to be like this." "Only a year ago, my alternative magazine, "The Post Modern Review", was on the ropes." "I needed a big celebrity scoop to save me from bankruptcy and humiliation." "But there was just one problem." "To cross the thin red line that separates the Lookie Loo's from the stars," "You had to be famous." "Babe?" "Babe 3 yeah.." "But it hasn't got any ID..." "How many pigs are coming tonight?" "You want me to leave him with you?" "No, no, no, you can not leave him here..." "If you're positive you're supposed to..." "Well, well..." "Sidney Young." "Well, well, clipboard Nazi type woman." "The pig doesn't get in." "What about me?" "I was talking about you." "Plan B:" "If you cannot crash the awards ceremonies" "You had to get in to one of the after show parties." "Of these, the most exclusive, was the Sharp's Magazine party." "Hosted by legendary editor Clayton Harding." "Here the A-list could finally relax." "Safe in the knowledge that no Lookie Loo would book a room in one of" "London's most expensive hotels just to be close to them." "OK Kevin, I want you in bed by 10 o'clock, OK?" "And no porn." "When I'm in L.A. I like to stay at the Chateau, where else..." "And then when I'm in London I also like to stay here at the Haymarket." "It's got to the point where I don't feel at home unless I'm in a hotel." "Do you know what I mean?" "What is it you do?" "I'm a writer, I'm a movie writer." "Great." "Hello." "Sir?" "Is everything all right?" "You have the most amazing cheekbones." "Have you had plastic surgery?" "No, and you?" "Me?" "No.." "Penis reduction when I was a kid..." " You are too much!" " I am, aren't I?" "What's your name again?" "Clark, Clark Baxter." "How do you do?" "Your..." "little... moustache..." "Oh shit!" "Sara, get security." "Sidney Young got in." "Who's Sidney Young?" "Oh fuck!" "Plan C: keep a low profile and leave as unobtrusively as possible." "Can you get that?" "Can you get the phone please?" "The post modern review with an English celebrity is a text to be deconstructed..." "No we don't hate celebrities.." ".. I am an internationally respected academic." "And prick." "You answer the phone, What do I pay you for?" "You don't pay me." "Answer the phone." "Hello, Post Modern Review." "If she doesn't apologize, I'm quitting." "You're going to have to apologize, okay, George can't leave." "Why can't George leave?" "Because he owns the Fax machine, that's why." "What?" "It's Sharp's magazine." "We're finished." "We're not finished." "If they sue we're finished..." "It's going to be OK, give me the phone..." "Be quiet." "Sidney Young." "This is Clayton Harding, editor of Sharp's Magazine." "Ah, Lord Vader." "I saw you at my party." "Just before you ruined it with your little pig stunt." "Oh, you liked that did you?" "." "Sure." "I especially liked the part where Clint Eastwood beat the shit out of you." "Well, you listen to me, I'm not scared of you Harding." "You can sue if you like, but it's like..." "Jimmy Stewart said..." "You sit up there in your spindly little webs," "And you think the whole world revolves around you and your money, but it doesn't Mister." "Mister.." " Potter." "Potter!" "You may sue us OK, but I warn you if you strike me down..." " Mr Johnson's here to see you." " I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine" "Destroy me and a hundred men will spring up in my place." "Men who care nothing for success, men who can't be bought, men who's only loyalty..." "I want you to come to work for me at Sharp's magazine in New York." "Fight!" "Fight!" "That's not coming out!" "Can You say that again please?" "Thanks asshole." "Sorry." "Oh fuck!" "This magazine you're working for, it is good?" "Yeah, it's Sharp's." "You know, Sharp's Magazines?" "High society, fashion, fine.." "finance, Hollywood celebrities." "Hollywood?" "It's Sodom and Gomorrah." "Now everybody is celebrity." "You take out your breasts you are celebrity." "I think it really depends on the breasts." "In Poland, someone was famous because they done something." "Marie Curie.." "Paul John Paul..." "Yes, well they don't make entertainers like that any more, do they." "They brought your things yesterday." "Great." "Yeah." "It's nice." "I like it." "I'll put my drums in the corner over there." "Joking." "Just a little." "When you start work?" "In the morning." "So got to be fresh, make a good impression." "Go to bed." "That's exactly what I intend to do." "Make that two." "I'm Clark." "Clark Baxter." "Nice to meet you, cheers." "What is this?" "That's a water, sir." "That's not right is it, put a bit of beer in or something." "I'm sorry, my boyfriend's sitting there." "Is he?" "He's fucking small isn't he." "That's his White Russian, he'll be here any second." "Excuse me?" "Can you reserve seats in this bar?" "." "No." "I'm a journalist." "I work for a little periodical you might have heard of." "Sharps Magazine." "I'm the Cultural Editor." "This is library card, from Gloucester." "It's the wrong one isn't it..." "Happy now?" "Just doing my bit for the gene pool." "Who is that with Clint Eastwood?" "Morgan Freeman." "No, in the head-lock." "You got this laminated?" "Shit..." "Sorry, sorry." "No, no, no, just leave it." "OK then." "It's pronounced "gloster" by the way." "Are you going to get off that seat?" "No." "Do you know the meaning of Karma?" "A curry?" "What goes around, comes around." "The moment is approaching where you'll pay the price for being an asshole." "And when my boyfriend gets here, I'm going to encourage him to take you outside..." "Hello?" "Hi honey." "All right, I'll see you then." "Boyfriend not coming?" "I'm Sorry." "Do you think..?" "Do you think I can have his drink?" "Bobby." "You want my seat?" "I'm just leaving." "Thanks." "Who do you think that is with Clint Eastwood?" "I'm going to go powder my nose." "Why don't you put on something a little more romantic?" "Mrs Labowski." "Kowalsky." "You know what time it is?" "The music blaring, the door open." "Was it?" "Fuck.." "I mean sorry..." "Shit..." "I mean sorry.." "I ran into an old friend... and came back for a little  Penis." "You can do this." "You can do this." "You can do this." "You so can do this." "Come on Bob..." "A quick cup of coffee, then you gotta go." "This is my city." "This is my building." "This is my Lobby." "These are my models." "This is my work place." "And this is my boss." "What the fuck are you wearing?" "You like it?" "I've got another one actually." "Thanks." "The next time you come here dressed like that you follow this shirt, you understand?" "Sit down." "How was your flight?" "It was good." "Thanks to the business class tickets, Clay?" "That was a mistake." "And don't call me Clay." "Oh, can we smoke?" "We... no." "Actually I'm a big fan of your early... funnier, stuff" "Snipe Magazine, really good." "You've actually been a big influence on me." "And I think together we can inject some of that Snipe spirit into Sharp's." "In fact I've got some idea which you might..." "You think you've arrived don't you?" "I hate to break it to you, but you're only in the first room." "It's not nothing, don't get me wrong, but eh..." "It's not that great either, believe me there's plenty of people in this town" "Who made it to the first level and didn't get any further." "And in about a year, maybe longer," "You'll discover a secret doorway, at the back of the first room," "That leads to the 2nd." "And in time, if you're lucky, you'll discover... another doorway in the back of the 2nd room, that leads to the 3rd." "There are 7 rooms, altogether." "You are in the 1st." "I'm in the 7th." "Don't you forget it." "Can I use the bathroom in the 7th, cause the one in the 1st really smells." "Which leads us to the subject of your sense of humor." "I had a look through your magazine here." "Oh, what did you think?" "Oh, it was kind of snarky..." "and bitter... and witless." "I'm gonna try you out in the "I Spy" section." "You're going to report to Lawrence Maddox." "Plausibly, I know we've only just met, already I perceive I'm in the presence of a rare common sensibility." "Oh, thanks." "Harding is going to be your Rabbi, show you the ropes." "Oh, Mr Maddox." "Are you aware of what we do at "I Spy"?" "You photograph famous people when they're drunk." ""I Spy" is the nation's window to high society." "The Lookie Loo's read us because..." "they weren't there." "The glitterati read us because we tell them they were there." "For the system to work, we have to know what "there" is." "So when we go out to clubs and stuff, is that on expenses?" "This isn't a vacation, it's a vocation." "And when we do go out, you're going to have to wear something more suitable." "What do you mean by suitable?" "Something that covers all this up." "Is that Mussolini?" "No Sydney, it's Richard Heywood, owner of this magazine." "Who's this funny looking kid, is that his son," "It's his daughter." "Elizabeth." "And my wife." "Really?" "She's very... she's got..." "I mean babies are all like Mussolini." "Miss Olsen takes care of book launchings, gallery openings and other intellectual fare." "Ms Olsen will you find our new rookie something to do?" "I hear the Cultural Editor's job is up for grabs." "Seeing I'm going to be sitting just there, don't you think we should put last night behind us?" "No, now get off my desk." "Yeah, but..." "I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing." "Are you gonna help me out?" "Sure, which way did you come in?" "Here, Chris Blick exhibition opening." "Caption it." "Now get out off my desk." "Hi." "Oh, hi Ingrid." "Aren't you going to introduce us?" "This is Clark Baxter." "It's Sidney actually, Sidney Young." "Clark Baxter is my alias." "He's English." "Oh, right." "Hello." "Is that the Parsons Gallery." "Yes it is, this is Celia Parsons speaking." "Hi, this is Sidney Young from Sharp's magazine." "We're running some photographs from your opening of the Chris Blick exhibition," "And I've been asked to caption them..." "I was wondering if you could help me to identify a few people." "All right." "Thanks." "Chris Blick, man or woman?" "Is Chris Blick a man or a woman?" "Are you sure you're calling from Sharp's Magazine?" "Yes I am." "Well then tell me Stanley, why are they giving you this assignment," "If you do not know who one of the most famous artists in America is?" "I don't know." "He's a man." "Great, OK, is he an old man?" "He's an older man, yes." "Cause I've got two old men here, is he the fat one?" "You do realize that Clayton Harding is a personal friend of mine?" "What's that got to do with anything?" "Right..." "Parsons Gallery?" "Is he the one with the wonky eye then?" "It's fashion sensitive." "If you're not wearing Prada, it'll take your arm clean off." "But I am wearing Prada." "This place isn't what I expected." "What did you expect?" "I don't know, like the Argunkle circle." "Dorothy Parker..." "Martinis..." "Quips... nobody here is drunk." "It's called being professional," "You should try it sometime." "Here's something you gotta understand, okay, I'm not really one of you." "By you, do you mean human?" "No, I mean one of the "Glossy Posse"," "A bunch of Zombies walking about..." "pets to the stars." "Acting like they're working for the UN." "I'm here to shake things up." "Where are you from?" "Not that it's any of your business, but Port Huron, Michigan." "Ah... small-town girl." ""I bet you couldn't wait to get out, get anywhere, get all the way to the NYC"" ""Silence of the Lambs"." "Let me give you a bit of advice, OK." "Don't take the celebrity fluff too seriously." "You arrogant..." "Are you insane?" "That was Lawrence Maddox's wife, Elizabeth, her father owns Sharp's." "That was her?" "The Mussolini baby." "I can go back..." "No, you do not approach Elizabeth Maddox." "You do not talk to her, don't even make eye contact with her." "Do you understand?" "What, am I supposed to be afraid?" "Yes." "I don't know the meaning of the word "fear"" "I'm sure there are many words you don't know the meaning of." "What's that mean?" "When I think of all the people who'd kill to be where you are," "And you lumbering here, spitting food, haven't the brains god gave a mollusc..." "Why did Clayton hire you?" "Snipe Magazine." "What?" "When Clayton left college he started this magazine called Snipe." "It was fantastic, just took on all the self-important celebrities in town," "It was completely fearless." "It was like my magazine, But 20 years earlier." "I am the young Clayton Harding, that's why he hired me." "He looks at me and he sees his glory days." "His "glory days"?" "Sharp's is one of over 40 national magazines in the world." "That increased its advertising pages by 60% since he took over." "He makes millions of dollars a year, he lives in a Bank Street town house, and week-ends in the Hamptons." "Clayton Harding is one of the lynch pins of the media industrial complex." "Don't worry about that." "I think I just might be in time to save him." "Hello, you've reached Sidney Young." "I'm Sorry, but my answering machine is out of order, so" "The voice you're hearing is actually me." "What do you want?" "Sidney." "Are you there?" "Sidney." "It's your father." "If you're there Sydney, please answer the phone." "Sidney, are you there?" "Wow!" "Look at that." "Are you two texting each other?" "There's about a hundred grand's worth of food here, and I'm the only one eating it." "Want some?" "No." "This place is just wall to wall totty." "Wall to wall, what?" "Totty, you know, babes." "Sexually attractive women." " Do you mind?" " What?" "Hey Lawrence, how are you?" "Good to see you." "Look at that." "All night long people have been treating us like royalty." "In London, the journalist motto is everybody hates us and we don't care." "Well now your one of the high priests of what's hot and what's not." "I shouldn't even be here." "I get thrown out of places like this." "Lawrence Maddox, oh my goodness..." "Long time." "Yeah." "Rachel." "Rachel, how are you?" "Well I'm wonderful, just wonderful." "How are you?" "You know it is so funny I should run into you." "I've just done this great little film, it's called 5 Burros." "It's low-budget, first time director," "But it's really moving." "Hey, maybe you could do a little..." "Vincent." "Good to see you." "Lawrence, right?" "Yeah." "How are you sir?" " Good," " Good to see you too." "How's the picture?" "Pretty close to perfect, if I can just get all the experts to leave me alone." "I think we're gonna have some screenings next week." "Hey!" "That was Rachel Petkoff." "Fantastic actress." "She hasn't done anything for a while, but in her day..." " Sure..." " No seriously, I think she's due for a comeback." "You should get in there, do a profile, before anyone else..." "Sidney, I'd like to introduce you to Vincent Lepak, "Enfant Terrible"." "In my opinion the most exciting new director in American cinema." "This is the worst fundraiser I've been to my whole life." "It's a ratfire isn't it?" "Excuse me." "Can I have your autograph please?" "I'm a huge fan." "Is that so?" "Yeah, I've seen everything you've been in." "Those episodes of "The Love Boat"." ""The Bionic Woman", and "Songbirds"." ""In the Night"," "And I saw your first ever TV appearance "The Twilight Zone" " House of Mirrors"." "Right." "But my all-time favorite has to be "A Day Too Long"." "You were great in that." "What's you name, honey?" "Sidney." "Sidney Young." "Thanks." "I'll remember that." "Thank you." "I mean you look around you and it's all shit, you know." "No-one's making movies that are fucking worthwhile." "I have disagree with you Vincent." "You're making movies that are worthwhile." "This is what I'm saying." "You have to inspire yourself." "I am my role model, I want to be me." "What's the greatest film ever made?" "Excuse me?" "What is the greatest film ever made?" "Have a guess." "Well..." "I don't know, I don't think there is one..." "Have a guess!" "Yeah, have a guess, what's the greatest film ever made." "It's hard to say." "I personally love La Dolce Vita." "Incorrect." "Con Air." "I beg your pardon?" "Con Air." "Right?" "It's got everything hasn't it?" "You got Malkovich for your acting chops." "You got Nicky Cage for your action." "And Steve Buscemi for your comedy." "John Cusack for the gays..." "It's like a smorgisboard isn't it?" "I don't think we've been introduced." "Mr Young, this is Eleanor Johnson." "Queen of New York." "Sidney is from England." "He's our very own "idiot savant", without the "savant"." "Well it's always nice to have fresh blood to these things." "Which reminds me, I am here with Sophie Maes." "I want you to meet her." "His new film, "The Making of a Saint"." "The buzz is amazing." "The release is being tied in with the roll-out of the Versace campaign." "And Louis Vuiton is on the line." "This train is leaving the station." "What, you're a publicist?" "I don't really like that word Sidney." "What do I call you then?" "You can call me Eleanor." "All right." "There she is." "Sophie, give us a smile!" "This one will go far." "Where is the car?" "What's it doing at the back?" "Well, forget what I said, I want it at the front now." "I just think it's so awful how we're still exploiting animals," "Which is why I won't wear fur, or leather, or wear makeup." "I'm a vegetarian." "I'm with you on that one." "I won't eat anything with eyebrows." "Or something that can chuckle." "I would never eat an animal that could chuckle." "I'm sorry, I can't really understand your accent very well." "I just.. nothing.... just" "So you're an actress?" "So you've not won any Oscars then?" "No." "Cause I would definitely vote for you for best supporting dress." "I haven't been nominated for anything." "I realise, I'm just saying..." "Sophie, dear, Are you ready?" "Yeah." "I was joking..." "cause your dress was obviously..." "You know what to do." "Thank you." "Lovely." "Sophie, Sophie!" "I'm going to the circle club, I'll see you tomorrow." "Okay, good night." "Push up." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to the club." "I'm sorry, you're not on the list." "Cuba!" "See, even Cuba says so." "Cuba..." "Who's a good boy." "To the Circle Club." "It just turns my stomach." "He's pouring all over her, he's old enough to be her father." "No he isn't." "Yes he is." "Actually I was producing sperm when I was 13..." "For your information he wasn't pawing her, he was just doing his job." "In case you haven't noticed, Sharp's has to have a star on its cover every month" "And most of these stars are Eleanor's clients so... do not piss her off." "She's a flack." "Hacks do not take orders from flacks." "And I wouldn't call that doing his job, he had no blood left in his upper body" "Oh, and the next time you want to do that hilariously ironic "I love Con Air" skid..." " I wasn't being ironic..." " would you mind?" "Not doing it in front of Vincent Lepak, who happens to be very important." "Yeah, I could tell that by the way he was allowed to stay up past his bedtime." "Do you think she'll go out with me?" "Who?" "Sophie Maes, do you think she'll go out with me?" "No." "Girls like Sophie do not date journalists." "As far as she's concerned you're the help." "What do you know anyway?" "A lot of these starlets are lonely." "All they do is look around for men." "This is New York, Sidney, women only date men who are successful." "I'm gonna be successful." "And tall." "Have you seen this?" "She's everywhere." "Good cover." "From Sophie Maes." "Thanks for the great night." "Sweet kid." "Sidney..." "about last night." "A word of advice." "Don't talk to the celebrities." "Sophie said you made her uncomfortable." "So Brad's people finally got back to me with the agreement." "We have the whole afternoon before the shoot." "Good work Lawrence." "OK, if that's it..." "Actually I was thinking Clay..." "Paris Hilton." "I do a profile of her as if she's this complete recluse," "Like a hermit." "I'm tracking her down." "Who is the elusive Paris Hilton, and why she's so publicity shy?" "Good..." "Just changing...." "That's first room stuff, Sidney, and call me Clay one more time see what happens." "Sorry." "No, I love this, but I'm so fat I couldn't." "Get out of here." "You look totally rexy." "God, that's so sweet." "I don't mean to be rude Sidney, but what the fuck do you want?" "You know how things work here," "How am I gonna get a piece of the magazine?" "I thought all this fluff was beneath you." "It is beneath me, but things have changed." "What's changed?" "I know everybody thinks I'm a bit of an idiot." "And maybe I didn't have the best start here, but..." "I want..." "I want..." "I want to have sex with Sophie Maes, before Maddox does." "You're loathsome, do you know that?" "I know he's got a bit of a head start." "But I think I can win her back, cause once I get my hooks into a girl," "She never gets free." "Like ringworm?" "If you like." "Where you going?" "Hey buddy, you big corporate dick lick..." "Hello, I'd like to apply for a a Master Card, please." "Yeah." "Hon. Sidney Young." "Hon, H-O-N, it's short for honorable." "Yeah, it's a British title." "The Queen?" "Yeah, I know the Queen." "She used to be in my break-dancing posse." "She's a buddy more than anything." "Fuck!" "Hello Cuba..." "He likes you." "So, how does it feel to be a star?" "No, no, it's so embarrassing," "Those pictures are everywhere now, and I had no idea that dress was so see-through." "Plus everybody's talking like it was some kind of stunt." "Such a cynical age, hmm?" "Hello Sidney." "I was looking for my..." "Lawrence is taking us to lunch at Cipriani." "That's nice." "Can I leave Cuba here?" "He doesn't like Italian food." "Of course you can, he can stay in my office." "Sidney, fetch Cuba a bowl of water." "Well, of course." "That is a lovely ring." "Where is that from?" "It was my mother's, she gave it to me." "Oh, you sweetie." "It's very very..." "So listen." "You've met Vincent Lepak, haven't you Sidney?" "Eh, yeah." "He has a new movie coming out soon." "And Lawrence is already stretched as it is." "How would you like to do the feature on him?" "Yeah, I would actually." "Yes, very much." "Well, great." "Maybe we can get together and discuss the angle." "Okay." "What do you mean, angle?" "Well I need to know how we're going to present Vincent," "Check the story and so on." "Are you saying you want copy approval?" "Any stories written about my clients need to be in their best interest." "That's all." "If things work out with Vincent, maybe we can talk about a follow-up story on Sophie." "What do you think?" "I'm sorry, I don't work that way." "Sidney, dear..." "Think of it like this," "You write about one of my clients, you are borrowing some of their starlight," "To help sell your magazine." "All I'm saying is "quid pro quo"." "Starlight?" "Hello Cuba..." "Hello." "It's uncle Sidney, I've come to see how you are, yes." "What's this?" "Would you like a little play?" "Fetch!" "There you go." "That's it, that's it." "Well done." "You and me are going to be pals, aren't we?" "You're going to like me much much better than that prick Maddox." "Yes you are." "Ready?" "Come on..." "Shit..." "That's my bag." "Yes, I was going to borrow it for a second." "What are you talking about?" "I'll bring it right back, I'm just.." "Oh my!" "It was an accident." "What did you do?" "I was just trying to make friends... and then..." "Please don't tell her, don't tell her." "Cuba!" "Fuck no." "What are you doing?" "Alison!" "Have you seen Cuba?" "What?" "Have you seen Sophie's dog?" "No, no idea." "Well come and help us find him." "Don't worry." "Clay, you got a minute?" "You find that rat yet?" "No, not yet, probably just got out of the building." "Congratulations on the "Man of the Year" thing." "How was lunch?" "I don't know." "A thousands dollars a plate all I could taste was ass." "I'm kissing their ass, they're kissing my ass." "I get this dream sometimes." "Someone's set fire to the building." "Heywood, Sharp's magazine, the whole thing up in flames." "My analyst, he thinks it's an anxiety dream." "I never let him know how happy I am watching the fucker burn." "What do you want?" "I want to write a story about Vincent Lepak." "Not a puff piece, something funny, with teeth, like Snipe would have done." "Everyone's treating him like some sort of genius, and he's not, he's an idiot." "Look at this." "Why do I have a closet full of blue fucking shirts?" "I don't know..." "I don't know either." "This is an office, for god's sake." "Why do I even have a fucking closet?" "Do it." "Fuck, yeah!" "Do it." "He's an annoying little prick." "We'll take him down." "This is your shot." "Thanks Clayton." "You're my little hit-man." "Yes, I am your little hit-man." "Go do it." "Okay!" "You can call me "The Jackal"." "Out!" "Okay." "Mr Young." "Yes." "I'm Sophie Mae's assistant." "I'm afraid Sophie isn't here right now." "Well, I know she's here." "I'm not a stalker." "I just know she's upset because..." "She lost the dog." "She isn't here." "All right, well can you please just find out if she got my presents?" "Okay..." "Did you send the flowers?" "Flowers?" "Yeah, cause she doesn't get enough flowers, does she?" "I sent the fish." "You know, goldfish, in a bowl." "Did she get 'em?" "Yes, but they were dead." "All of 'em?" "Yeah." "It was kind of shocking actually." "Were they dead when you sent them?" "No!" "Who sends people dead fish?" "The Mafia." "Oh my god!" "You're like a serial killer." "No, no, no, that wasn't me." "I laid him to rest." "Cuba." "I took him out to the eh..." "I don't want to know." "You might want your bag back." "Stop." "Also just the whole, not telling thing, just wanted to say I appreciate that... because you didn't have to do it, a lot of people wouldn't have done it." "Why didn't you?" "You don't need my help to screw up here Sidney." "The only thing you make are mistakes." "And stains." "Can I help you?" "Just a couple of straws please." "Let me ask..." "What is it with this book?" "You're always writing in it." "Is it like a diary?" "It's a novel I'm working on." " Wow!" " Yeah, I know, I'm a walking cliché." "No, it's all right, it's very impressive." "And you're writing it by hand?" "Yeah." "I don't know, it keeps it separate from the magazine work, makes it seem special." "You're full of surprises, sister." "Ah, White Russian, been waiting for your boyfriend?" "Yeah, he'll be here soon." "What does he do this mystery guy?" "Is he like a hack too, or..." "Actually he's a poet." "Oooh is he?" "What does he look like?" "What?" "Poets are not known for being that good-looking, 'cause they're always in dark rooms, and they look like Golum" "He's very handsome, thank you." "Of course he is." "You know what I don't understand." "You're so desperate to get a story in the magazine," "So why wouldn't you play ball with Eleanor, write a puff piece?" "I resent being bribed to gush sycophantically by the star." "I choose to gush sycophantically." "Okay." "Anyway, Clayton's given me a story so, I'm on my way." "That's good." "In a world where passion is forbidden, and belief divine," "The love you've held for a man, she gave to all mankind." "You've given yourself to Christ my child." "How can it be wrong...?" "I believe in love, that is all we have." "And we must give it wherever it is most needed." "Sometimes, before you can find God," "You have to find the world." "Calcutta." "Stand up, Mother Teresa." "Sophie Maes is Mother Teresa in "The Making of a Saint"." "Anyway I got to shoo off, I leave you in peace." "With your poet." "Bye." "Bye." "I've still got the receipt so..." "Which, makes it a half a page left," "Lawrence, any ideas?" "Yes, Rachel Petkoff, fabulous Sundance actress." "One of my all-time favorites." "Just made a movie called 5 Burros." "I think she's poised for a comeback." "And I think we should get there first, do a piece" "Sounds good." "Let's do it." "Okay, that's it people." "What?" "Did you read my piece on Vincent Lepak?" "Yeah, that..." "That's not gonna work." "Oh, and for those of you who haven't heard." "Alison will be running the "I Spy" section from now on," "As Laurence here is moving up in the world, he's replacing Greg Roberts as Deputy Editor." "Congratulations." "I'm Sorry." "Since when is Rachel one of your favorite actresses?" "You'd never fucking heard of her." "That was my idea." "And so it was yes." "If you have any more good ideas don't forget to bring them by my new office." "By the way." "There's been complaints about you skulking by the water cooler." "Trying to talk to women, that's inappropriate behaviour." "What?" "You spend your life chatting up the staff." "When I do it it's called flirting," "When you do it, it's called sexual harassment." "Consider this an official warning." "I will not tolerate sexist behavior." "I know that wasn't Greg's way of working."