"My name's Spider-Man." "Between school, homework and being a superhero, it's hard being me." "[yelling, screaming]" "Whoa, what's going on around here?" "Ah!" "What a lovely day." "One at a time." "Single file, single file." "It's almost too easy." "This city is already on the edge." "All it took was a small push." "Well done, officers." "Oh, a real life superhero." "I would very much like to see you all tear him... limb from limb." "Hey!" "Hey!" "[laughing]" "Hey, come on." "I just washed the costume!" "[groans] [groans continue]" "[laughing]" "Ya!" "Wolverine?" "What are you doing here?" "[growls]" "That's the mutant superhero, Wolverine." "He's got unbreakable everything." "And his claws can cut through, well... anything." "What did you do to these people?" "[growls]" "And if I had gum, I would have just swallowed it." "[gulps] 1x10" " Freaky" "[various yelling]" "Kid, you have until the count of three to hit the off button on whatever it is you're doing here." "I didn't do this." "How did I do this?" "Count of three." "If you think I had the power to do this, don't you think I'd order you to shower?" "Hello, we're both good guys." "I'm not going to fight you, you ferret." "[various grunts]" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "[groans]" "All right." "I've had about enough of this." "[roars]" "Who's first?" "Come on!" "Ah, man." "[growls] Whoa, dude." "These are just people." "Something's wrong with them." "Put the claws away." "Maybe someone drugged them." "Nah, I could smell it then." "You have super mutant senses?" "Ah, yep." "And you really don't mind your smell?" "Stand back while I web them all to the..." " ...that won't work." " Don't hurt anybody." "[laughs] Would I do that?" "Whoa!" "Ah!" "[laughs]" "Nice." "What the heck?" "[man] It was Spider-Man." "Yeah, just like they say on TV." "He is a menace." "Sure, the big hairball with the claws is fine." "Me?" "I'm a menace." "[yelling]" " Jameson was right." " I'm gonna sue you." "[sniffs]" "I know that scent." "Mesmero!" "Wolverine?" "Destroy the mutant!" "[growls]" "Ah!" "Ha ha. [groans]" "Oof!" "[groans] You're not leaving yet, are you?" "I was just about to bring out the ice cream cake." "[groans]" "You have until the count of three." "Put it back, Mesmero." "Who is this guy?" "What's going on?" "This worm uses his mutant powers against the human race." "Let go of their minds, bub." "[groans]" "One..." "Two..." "If you've done the math and you've figured out that three is gonna hurt..." "Okay I give." "I've freed them." "[various sighs]" "Hey, I'm okay." "[Spider-Man] Nick Fury, director of SHIELD." "That's the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Lo..." "I know!" "Established!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "[groans]" "Well look at you." "You did surprisingly good, kid." "You caught the bad guy." "Minimal property damage." "[giggles]" "Ah, shucks, Nick." "Come on, you're making me blush." "Logan, you're staying out of trouble?" "Trying to until..." "whatever this is happened." "You were going to kill him." "Sometimes you have to go down to their level." "Down to their level?" "[burps]" "Unbelievable." "I just" " I can't- it just doesn't... ugh!" "Huh." "You got him speechless." "Do you know how long I've waited for this moment?" "Huh, you got something you want to say to me, punk?" "Only that you are absolutely the most disgusting person I've ever met." "[crunches can]" "Well, you're young." "He was going to kill people." "With his smell." "[growls] Ah!" "And I hope you enjoy your stay in our fair city." "[laughs]" "Little troll." "Oh, I'm a troll?" "You know what?" "[growls] [roars]" "[Fury] Enough!" "[raspberries] Isn't it a school night?" "Fine by me." "I hope I never see this dude again in my life." "And I mean ever." "[laughs]" "Yo, Peter, did you do the algebra homework?" " Of course I did." " Can I borrow yours?" "Borrow it?" "Come on, Luke." "I don't, you know, want to cheat off it." "You were supposed to ask him if we could work off his paper." "And he would then say no because he's the only one of you that has any integrity." "Thank you, Ava." "Um..." "And after spending all day and night training to be the ultimate Spider-Man, there's no way it's any good." "[sighs] Dude, you guys are supposed to be superheroes." "We're supposed to be powerful." "And like responsible... full." "Dude, just a peek?" " No." " Dude" "What part of no don't you understand?" "The "no" part." "Uh." "He's right." "We should do our own homework." " [sighs] Peter Parker." " Hi, Flash." "So, what'd your aunt make you for lunch?" "Nothing." "I was going to go to the cafeteria and buy myself something to..." "I walked right into that one, didn't I?" "[bell rings]" ""This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby mayst smile at this:" "thou shalt not choose but go:" "Do not deny."" "Huh?" "Where am I?" "What is this place?" "Aunt May!" "Huh?" "Ah!" "Oof!" "[sniffs] [groans]" "That smell is me?" "Ah!" "[grunting]" "Please be a dream." "Please be a dream." ""He started one poor heart of mine in thee."" " Ah!" " Ha ha!" "Huh?" "[laughter]" "Huh?" "Huh?" "[screeching]" "Huh?" "Where am I?" "Who are you people?" " Peter, are you o..." " Nah!" "[growls]" "Told you he was going to snap one day." "Mr. Parker, go wash your face." "And try to wake yourself up." "[growling]" "[gasps] Oh, hey Peter." "Ya!" "Dude, what is going on with you?" "[growls] [both laugh] [phone ringing]" " What is that?" " It's your cell phone, genius." "[ringing continues] Hello?" " Hello?" " Oh, no." " Who is this?" " We switched bodies." "We switched entire bodies?" "What did you do?" "What freaky thing did you do to me that I'm in your hairy beast body?" "Switched bodies?" "Switched bodies with who?" "You're in my body." "I'm Peter Parker." "I'm Spider-Man." "You, you're Spider-Man. [knocking]" "Room service." "One moment, please." "This is uh... somebody Wolverine probably knows!" "It's Sabretooth." "And it's payback time, furball!" "I... think it's for you." "[growling]" "Who or what is a Sabretooth?" "[on phone] He's a bad, bad mutant." "He's a blood-thirsty maniac who eats anything he doesn't like." "And he doesn't like anything." "Get out of there!" "[groaning] Come here you." "No, thank you." "Yah!" "What's the matter with you, Logan?" "Fight like a man!" "No thank you." "Time." "Listen, I know this sounds crazy." "But I'm not really Wolverine." "What?" "Look, I know you want to pulverize him and I totally sympathize with that." "But I promise you I..." "[squishing]" "Ah!" "Hello!" "I don't know what kind of trick you're pulling." "I said he's trying to shred me." "Calm down." "If you're in my body you have my mutant healing power." "I'm coming to you." "No, stay put in school." "I can't miss class." " Kid." " Stay there." "Don't talk to anybody, don't touch anything, and do not tell anybody what's going on!" "[grunts]" "I don't know what's going on." "And there is no way that I'm staying here." "Hello?" "Please, I'm begging you." "Stay there." "Go to Coulson." "Find Coulson." "Huh?" "Oof." "Ow!" "Hello." "[growls]" "Huh?" "[screams] [various growls]" "You're really taking all the fun out of this for me." "Ah, I'm not Wolverine." "Well then, I'll put you out of our misery." "Let go!" "[growls] [barking] [ [ [tremendous growl] ] ] [yelping] Oof!" "Nice kitty." "So long, sucker." "[roars]" "So, how's your day going?" "[blades slashing] [painful scream]" "What's that tingling?" "Hey, man." "You left your backpack in class." "Uh!" "Way to get out of poetry hour." "I have to remember that one." "What is going on with you today?" "I'd back up out of my face, sunshine." "[laughing]" "I don't think this is funny." "Peter, you're acting like a world class jerk today." "Humph." "Yeah, uh, I think it's time for lunch." "Is everything okay?" "[growls]" "Whoa!" "Baby, I do like me a redhead." "Ew!" "So this was high school." "Huh." "All this power, and the kid goes to school like a normal..." "What is that tingling?" "About that lunch money, Parker." "[screams] [growls] [whimpers] [slugging sounds] [bell rings]" "That's about enough of that." "[Peter/Wolverine] Hey, hey, hey." "What are you doing?" "I told you to stay put." "Yeah, well life's like that sometimes." "Okay, fine." "Just tell me... how." "How did this happen to us?" "How do you think this happened?" "That Mesmero weasel did something." " Oh, man." "You're right." " Wait." "Where's Sabretooth?" " I lost him." " You lost him." "You don't lose him." "He's a tracker like me." "He's on your trail you dumb kid." "No, I'm telling you." "I totally... [growls]" "Well, now I see." "You got yourself in some kind of pickle, didn't ya Logan?" "I know, right?" "So really, if I slice and dice the little kid," "I get your brain. [growls]" "In fact, I get both of you with one slice." "Well, sure, that's one way of looking at it." "[growls]" "[growls]" "Okay, now we're talking." "[low growl] [growls]" "Don't!" "Stop!" " Stop?" " You can't use your..." " ...my powers in public." " Kid, I got bigger fish to fry than you and your teeny bopper soap opera." "[announcer] Ava..." "Danny..." "M.J..." "Spidey... and Dr. Doom as Brett." "One Life To Web." "Weird." "Put on my costume!" " No." " Yes." " No." " [screaming] Yes!" "What is that tingling?" "[roar]" "People can't see me running around using powers." " Put on the costume!" " No!" "Put it on or I will shave you!" "[growling]" "Leave the kid alone." "It's me who you want." "I'm serious." "I will wax you entirely." "[painful scream]" "All right." "Fine." "[growls] Where do you think you're going?" "[fighting sounds]" "When I find Mesmero I am going to..." "Why am I talking to myself?" "I'm talking as much as the kid talks." "Now I'm talking about talking." "[growls]" "Ah!" "Whoa!" "Ow!" "[grunts]" "Oof!" "Hey, man." "I'm the best there is at what I do." "And I have no idea why I just said that." "[groans]" "Huh." "Kid, we need to switch on the switch." "Heads up." "[growls] Oh, I am so sorry." "I got webbing all over your incredibly ugly face." " Finish him!" " I'm trying." " Finish him now!" " Stop yelling at me!" "[cooing]" " This mask smells." " You complete me." "[growls] [roars] [both grunt]" "Stay." "[Mesmero laughing]" "Oh, oh, dear." "Oh thank you!" "Oh what a treat!" "[laughing continues]" "What a delicious treat!" "Change us back!" "What are you going to do?" "Arrest me?" "[laughs] [growls]" "Oh, please." "You're no Wolverine." " Cut it out." " I'm not doing it on purpose." " You have to focus." " I am focused." "Clearly you're not." "[sighs]" "Okay." "Now I got it." "You've got until the count of three to change us back." "Okay, okay." "I'll release them." "[groans]" "Is everybody who they should be?" " Ah, you slimy..." " Logan!" "[moans] [spits]" "One day!" "One day you will feel the wrath of my... [mumbling]" "Well, that was weird." "I mean, I was just starting to like hating you, but now..." "So I'll text you." "We should totally hang out." "[groans]" " You got a good thing going kid." " I do?" "Friends, a life." "Don't take it for granted." "You'll look back at this and you'll realize how good you really have it." "[SHIELD agent] Hey, you can't take that!" "You don't have authorization!" "Get back here!" "Hmm." "Maybe Wolverine's right." "Maybe I do have it pretty good." "At least compared to..." "Oh, oh, oh, come on!" "He used up all my web fluid!" "[beep]"