"And now, the great, the wonderful Mercedes!" "5,500 tonight." "What the hell is she doing?" "I'll get her." "Go away!" "She goes on in a few moments." "Mercedes just began." "You handle it." "I can't take any more." "I'm ready to kill her tonight." "A full house tonight, Mr. Baldi." "How much have we got?" "1,250 more than yesterday." "Shall we do something about the prince's tab?" "No discounts." "How big is it?" "About 625." "How many are they?" "Two." "Don't charge for the coffee." "Mr. Baldi, I couldn't do a thing." "lnsist!" "lt's no use." "OK, have Mercedes stay on longer." "Oh, Mr. Baldi, I'll get my bag." "I'm sorry to bother you, but she refuses to get up." "Were you having dinner?" "She must be onstage in 10 minutes... and she hasn't made up." "Go away!" "It's me, Zaza." "The doctor." "I'm not here." "Show yourself, Zaza." "Be a good girl and uncover yourself so I can see you." "But I'm a monster." "I'm horrible, Doctor!" "Zaza, your fans are waiting, and my dinner is getting cold." "Stop acting like such a prima donna!" "Doctor, I'm so unhappy, so unhappy. lf you only knew!" "You're a little depressed." "It'll pass." "I want to die, Doctor." "I want to die!" "Were you having dinner?" "Can it be reheated?" "Rabbit cacciatore." "That reheats well." "Here's what you do." "Put it in a double boiler." "But, attention, it has to be a double boiler." "I always tell my friends, the secret is the double boiler." "Are you dying or cooking?" "Look who's talking!" "It's your fault I'm like this." "Look what I have become." "A human larva." "A dried up fig!" "A dried up fig." "Before meeting you, I had a firm, soft skin." "Look what a horror I am now." "Every night the same thing." "I taped it yesterday." "I suffer, and he plays." "Shall I play it back?" "I'll give him a shot." "No, Doctor!" "No shots!" "Ask his understudy to replace him." "I'll behave." "Well..." "Then, are we going to work?" "Any tranquilizers left?" "There are a few left in the box." "I'm sure." "As usual, two pills after the show." "l'm leaving." "Good-bye, Doctor." "The season's just begun." "If he gets sick, do I close the club?" "It's nothing serious." "He's just overtired." "Be kind to him, and everything will be fine." "Good night, Mr. Baldi." "Good night, and thanks again." "Do you know what time it is?" "You want to ruin the business?" "You're doing it on purpose." "Why do you put makeup on your legs?" "Nobody sees your legs on stage." "lndifference is the most awful thing, Renato." "I've been dieting for two months and you haven't even noticed... that I've lost weight." "I've ruined my health for you... with those diet pills and diuretics." "And nothing from you..." "not a word." "No support." "You don't notice me anymore." "You don't love me anymore." "Just the other day... I bought a delightful outfit." "I put it on." "Just to please you." "Nothing." "I'll wind up in a nut house if you continue." "Everything's possible." "You don't love me anymore." "After so many years, you think of me as a bowl of minestrone... not as the queen of the stage." "You're being unfaithful." "Here we go again!" "There's a man in your life." "There aren't any men." "Just 250 people waiting for the leading lady... to make up her mind." "They pay a lot to see you..." "to applaud you... to applaud the great Zaza Napoli!" "And what do you do while I'm onstage?" "Where do you go while I'm killing myself onstage?" "Go ahead." "Hit me." "Hit me." "Well, how is it?" "It'll be fine." "Don't worry, darling." "You can't even see it." "Did you hurt yourself with your fists?" "Darling, then you still love me?" "Of course." "Hurry up." "What's wrong?" "My fan." "Jacob will bring it to you." "l can't sing without my fan!" "Jacob, get Zaza's fan!" "My fan!" "Good evening, sweetheart." "Bravo, Mercedes." "You've already sung too much." "Go, go." "Go on." "Don't just stand here." "Announce Albin." "Enough of those chocolates." "Enough!" "Renato, I've had enough of your beautiful lady!" "Don't shout when a colleague is working." "l could have finished myself." "Go to hell!" "What am I being paid for?" "To sing 4 songs or 8?" "To sing 16!" "I can't depend on Madam's moods." "She only cares about being in bed with you." "How dare you!" "As of tomorrow, you dress like a man!" "Not like a man!" "Forgive me!" "What is said is said." "Henry." "So where's that stupid fan?" "Coming." "Jacob!" "I told you not to prance about the house naked." "You don't like it?" "Why don't you let me dance?" "Look at me." "What do the others have that I don't?" "You have something more, even if it's of no use to you." "Go get dressed." "And take the evening off." "That way, I won't have you underfoot." "I don't believe this." "Can I talk to you for a moment?" "It's late, Petunia, and I have an appointment." "What's the matter?" "What's the matter?" "What have you done this time?" "l'm expecting a baby." "I'm expecting a baby." "You got your wife pregnant?" "But it's the seventh one." "How do you expect to have a career?" "Look at yourself in the mirror." "Procreation is wearing you out." "You're looking older day by day." "It's true." "OK, I'll have the administration... compensate you for this misfortune." "That's fine." "Go back to work." "I'll be forever grateful." "And give up this fixation." "Take that off your head, or I'll tell Albin you wear his wigs." "And I'll tell him you have romantic dinners while he works." "Get out of here, you idiot!" "More handsome than ever." "How about a drink?" "is Zaza onstage?" "For two more hours." "So we won't be disturbed." "I gave Jacob the night off." "We're all alone." "You look good." "I'm all bloated." "Work." "I work too much, I get upset, and I bloat." "You think I look good?" "Dazzling!" "You're really sweet." "Yes, my body is still good, actually." "I have something to tell you." "This isn't easy." "I'm getting married." "I was going to write you, but a letter..." "She's a great girl." "You'll see." "You upset?" "On the contrary, I should be happy." "I always hoped you'd fall in love with a girl... so I should be happy." "No, everything's fine." "I raise a boy for 20 years...my son." "Then a girl comes and steals him." "A whore." "A whore." "Yes, a whore." "Listen carefully." "If you marry her, never set foot in here again." "I won't give you another cent." "Choose." "Good-bye, Dad." "You little idiot, come here." "Let's have a toast for this catastrophe." "Did you think I'd fall for that?" "No, but it was worth a try." "Come on." "Let's toast." "You always toast a wedding." "To the bride and groom !" "What's the whore's name?" "Please, Dad." "Sorry." "What's the girl's name?" "So, you've been seeing a boy in Paris for a year... and we only find out now." "Answer." "Answer me!" "You're scaring her, Simon." "She'll never talk if you go on that way." "He's a nice boy, Father." "And very serious." "He was the one to mention marriage." "What do his parents do?" "Hold on. lt's for you." "I spoke to him." "And you?" "I spoke to mine, too." "He's happy." "Whore!" "He opened champagne to celebrate the news." "I've got the glass in my hand." "To our love, Andrea." "I'll put him on." "No." "Hello?" "To your happiness, Andrea." "Shit!" "No, not you." "I just broke the glass." "My best wishes for your happiness." "Here." "Whore." "Your father's nice." "Listen, I'm with my parents." "Can I call you tomorrow morning?" "No, no, don't worry." "I do, too." "Until tomorrow." "Everything went fine..." "thank goodness." "Did you hear how clear their voices were?" "Like they were next door." "It was really clear." "Well, I... lt's late." "I'm going to bed." "Andrea, we asked you what the young man's parents do." "His parents?" "Nothing." "Well, they're vacationing on the Cote d'Azur." "Yes...but they're not on vacation all the time." "So what does his father do?" "His father..." "He's in the arts, I think." "Cultural affairs, in fact." "He's a Cultural Attaché." "That's it..." "at the Italian Embassy." "Oh, good." "He's a diplomat." "Diplomats. important people!" "Why didn't you tell us right away?" "Does his mother work?" "No, his mother takes care of the children." "She has lots of them." "Good morning." "The little one's arrived." "How about a nice roast?" "Fine. I'll pick it up later." "I want some pasta and some Parmesan." "The boy's home?" "Yes, and I've got to hurry." "Good morning." "The usual?" "Yes, a cake with the inscription..." ""To my Lolo, from Auntie."" "I've got to run." "He'll be waking up any minute." "Shall I deliver the cake?" "No." "Jacob'll pick it up." "I'm taking a chocolate." "Jacob!" "Who did I see?" "Who did I see there?" "Who arrived?" "The little white man." "This coffee really stinks." "You French make shitty coffee." "I've been called black, I've been called queer... but French, never!" "My darlings..." "I'm here!" "The grocery lady's here." "Had a good time last night?" "He took me dancing." "Put everything away." "Watch the eggs." "And don't forget to pick up the cake at noon." "Oh, God, your beard's rough." "is he asleep?" "I peeked in on him before." "He's gorgeous." "Why didn't you tell me that Laurent was coming?" "I wouldn't have made a scene." "The truth is that you hide him from me." "You can't stand sharing him." "You want him all to yourself, so you try to get rid of me." "Oh, I'm so hungry!" "You look awful." "What's wrong?" "He's getting married." "What?" "My son's getting married." "Don't be stupid." "I bought sole." "He loves sole." "I do, too." "I wanted lobster, but it was too expensive... so I bought sole." "You know, it's funny." "A few days ago, I dreamed he was getting married." "We were at the church and we were both crying." "You weren't serious?" "Some girl he's known for a year." "They went to the same school." "A girl." "Oh, how horrible." "Poor guy." "She caught him because he's... he's so young, so inexperienced." "He'll ruin his life." "I told him." "And how I told him !" "He won't listen." "He says he'll be happy." "I hope he will be." "There's nothing I can do." "You know, it hurts at first." "Such an unexpected blow." "You feel as if you can't breathe." "Maybe it's my liver." "It'll go away." "What a bitch, that whore!" "I see he knows." "Here's the little jerk." "Well, how about a kiss for your Auntie?" "He's being taken from us, and we won't have any others." "Unless there's a miracle." "I've thought a lot about this marriage." "In the president's speech... replace the word "rascal" with "scoundrel."" "I can see Mrs. Simoneau's face if we marry a diplomat's son." "No, correction." "Listen carefully." "Instead of "scoundrel"... put "degenerate."" "What with your background, Simon, this is quite a marriage." "You, a policeman's son." "Enough!" "Don't start with that again, Louise!" "I'm tired of it!" "Policeman here, policeman there!" "I'm fed up with it!" "I almost ate it!" "No, Andrea is too young." "The subject is closed." "Hello?" "Speaking." "Oh, my God." "My god." "What's wrong, Simon?" "President Berthier is dead." "In a woman's arms." "A prostitute." "A minor, no less." "A minor...and black!" "A prostitute, a minor and colored." "My career is ruined." "Don't say that, Simon." "You're not responsible." "Listen to me." "You're not responsible for the president's private life!" "I'm the Secretary General of a party called..." ""The Union for Moral Order."" "Our president just died in the arms of a prostitute." "Great meat for the press." "I could use a little piece of chocolate." "Oh, no!" "He forgot part of the inscription!" "Aunt is not Auntie!" ""To my Lolo from Auntie!"" "I ordered the usual." ""Auntie," not "Aunt."" "What a disaster!" "Smells good." "Feeling better?" "He'll come visit." "He'll come with that girl." "By the way, we'll have to fix up his bedroom." "We'll get a double bed..." "Well, we'll have grandchildren." "Oh, Renato, look at me." "I can just see you." "You, a grandfather... pushing the carriage..." "with all your pendants." "Shall I beat the eggs?" "No, please." "I'm the boss in the kitchen." "The kitchen's your kingdom?" "Yes." "Yours is the stage, mine is here." "So be it." "I leave you to your concoctions." "Don't stop!" "Mr. Charrier isn't here." "No, he won't be back!" "It's been ringing all morning." "And your father's vanished." "I have something to tell you." "It's about Laurent's parents." "Don't worry." "We'll discuss it with your father." "That's just what I don't want." "You'll be surprised." "What are you doing there?" "Didn't you see those vultures out there?" "I had to use a ladder." "It's dangerous." "You could've fallen." "I did fall!" "The hundredth!" "You can imagine what my morning's been like." "I warn you. I'm leaving." "The reporters keep calling." "They chuckle." "I can't take anymore." "Not only the reporters." "Everyone is laughing...sneering." "Even on the street." "And who are they laughing at?" "Who is the laughingstock?" "Me!" "Thanks to President Berthier, the moral order's become a joke!" "Thanks, Mr. President, thanks a lot." "Dirty pig!" "There is a solution, Simon." "An elegant white wedding." "And as soon as possible..." "to regain your dignity." "Morality, background, tradition!" "Your daughter marries a diplomat's son... president, whore, forgotten." "Marry off Andrea... with the Pope's blessing if we have to." "No, listen, Louise, I'm completely ruined." "If you keep on like this, I'll crack." "We have to marry her off..." "in great splendor." "You'll be the symbol of order and tradition again." "Where do the young man's parents live?" "I don't rehearse a million times." "I'm a professional." "Hire beginners... but don't let them bother the true artists." "Just watch Mr. Salome Von Liebig while I sing!" "You're only demanding of me... making me rehearse at all hours." "All made up and in costume... while the others could be in underwear!" "Come here. I want Mr. Baldi to show you the movements... to the Queen of Broadway." "You dance it like a horse." "Dad, I have to talk to you!" "Being 20 and good-looking doesn't make you talented." "You understand, my dear?" "Dad, it's important." "Hold on." "Albin's rehearsing." "Did you see what he did?" "No, I was talking to Laurent." "He's blowing bubbles!" "He's blowing bubbles while I sing." "I can't stand bubbles while I sing!" "Young man, what's this about bubbles while madam sings?" "She's right to be angry." "It may be a transvestite show, but you have to use your head." "Concentrate on your character... the psychological interpretation." "You're a handsome foreigner strolling down Broadway... with a manly gait." "Suddenly, you're in front of this beautiful woman." "You look at each other, fascinated." "You send forth a sexual call with the pelvis... like this..." "Not bad for a psychological interpretation." "What is it?" "I'll be right back." "Go on." "Can I talk to you?" "What is it?" "Let's go upstairs." "Andrea's parents are coming." "They're coming to meet you." "You interrupt me for that?" "She told them you're a cultural attaché... and Albin, a housewife." "Then your fiancée is stupid." "Remember my first day of school?" "I remember perfectly." "You told me to tell them you were a merchant." "So?" "The girl's father... surely is more liberal than your teachers." "No, Dad, just the opposite." "Charrier, the Deputy..." "Moral Order..." "does that ring a bell?" "So when asked, "What do his parents do?"" "Andrea answered, "Cultural Attaché" and "Housewife."" "So what should I do now?" "Enroll in the Diplomatic Corps?" "What about Albin?" "Snip!" "He has an operation!" "If her father finds out she lied, it'll be tragic." "Try to help us, I beg you." "How?" "First, send Albin away for a few days." "Albin?" "You try and send Albin away." "And you could get rid of some things here." "For example?" "That, for example." "Over here." "And this, for sure!" "The discus thrower?" "Why?" "And that, too." "is that all?" "I don't know, Dad." "I'd make everything more simple... more...stark." "That's what I mean." "In short, nothing's right here!" "You want the dream house that appears in magazines." "We don't change anything here." "Understand?" "And you should make a little effort, too." "An effort." "What for?" "You could change a little... make yourself less conspicuous." "I'm conspicuous?" "Laurent, it was just painted a month ago." "Albin and Salome are fighting over the chewing gum." "Yes, I use makeup, I live with a man, and I'm an old fag." "But I know who I am." "It's taken me 20 years, and that Deputy won't destroy it!" "I don't give a damn about him !" "Not a damn!" "Going on a trip?" "Saint-Tropez." "What are you doing?" "I don't want to talk to them." "You'll go out the door and face them." "No, let go." "We need to give them the news." "You do it." "It's your idea." "Have the chauffeur come around." "Going somewhere?" "Going to your President's funeral?" "What's the future of the Moral Order?" "A big smile." "I have only one thing to say." "I'm off to organize an event... which epitomizes the spirit of my party." "The little white master's in a bad mood." "He said I dress like a whore." "He's right." "Tonight you'll wear a butler's uniform... and a black tie." "Take this to the cellar." "And that, too." "And get rid of all these knickknacks... and these pillows." "Hide everything." "Especially this..." "to the cellar." "No need to now." "Thanks, Dad." "Laurent, don't bug me." "I have to talk to poor Albin now." "What will I tell him?" ""Get out, you're in the way." "Get out, fag."" "You could find a nicer way." "Everything OK?" "Just fine." "You shouldn't be out in the sun." "A suntan is becoming." "I know, but in your condition... the sun isn't good." "Why do you say that?" "Did you look in the mirror today?" "What's the matter with me?" "You're green." "Suntanned." "Yes, suntan green." "I'm a little worried." "I think you really need a vacation." "But why should I take a vacation?" "I feel great." "OK, forget I mentioned it." "Renato, are you saying this to scare me?" "You know something." "The doctor told you something." "No." "The doctor didn't tell me a thing." "No, I'm the one who thinks that since you're so nervous... and rundown... a few days off wouldn't do you any harm." "Listen, Renato, when you begin to talk like this... it's because you want to tell me something." "Don't try to fool me." "I'm not 15 anymore." "I know certain tricks." "And this, Renato, isn't nice." "It's not worthy of you." "You know what day it is?" "June the 25th." "As you say." "Our anniversary." "20 years of living together." "20 happy years." "And you choose today to lie to me... in the most despicable way." "And to try to deceive me." "Do you love Laurent?" "Why do you ask me this?" "If you love Laurent, you'll go." "The little white master called?" "Cut it out and get rid of the discus thrower." "Hurry." "There's not much time." "I'm being exiled, rejected like a leper!" "You're ashamed of me!" "I've watched over that boy." "I've sacrificed myself for him." "I've been a mother to him for 20 years." "Albin, listen." "No!" "You listen to me, Renato!" "Either I stay here to receive the in-laws... or I'll never set foot in here again!" "What's the matter?" "Laurent, I told you to wait a while." "It's nothing." "I've understood." "I'm being excluded." "I'm being thrown out of my own house." "It doesn't matter." "I'm leaving." "I'll leave you." "The monster." "The monster is leaving." "Are you happy now?" "Come in." "Come back in." "Come cry at home." "Albin, stop acting like a fool!" "I don't want to see you anymore." "You've ruined everything." "OK, you win." "You can stay." "I can't take any more." "My heart, Renato." "I'm not that young." "All these emotions..." "it's too much." "Feel my pulse." "Oh, God, I'm collapsing." "Come, we'll go to the bar." "It's the end." "The end." "You're weak." "You haven't eaten for hours." "No, no, he's just overtired." "Do you want to lie down?" "That's OK." "The tea will do." "And some toast." "Well, what are we going to do about tonight?" "Quite a problem." "Two men like us..." "what can we tell them?" "Thank you, Darling." "It feels so good." "Well, maybe I could be..." "I don't know...a relative." "His uncle, perhaps?" "You could say I'm his uncle." "All right, I can't be his uncle." "In any case, you don't resemble your character either." "Didn't Laurent say you were a cultural attaché?" "Cultural attaché, like hell, Darling!" "You don't know what culture is!" "Here it is, tea and toast." "Feeling better?" "I don't know." "Just look how the great diplomat eats!" "You're like a steamroller." "Your pinky." "What's it doing up there?" "Just look at it." "It does it by itself." "You'll say that for the deputy tonight, huh?" "Well, let's try to make a man out of this uncle." "You have to learn how to hold things." "Hold the toast in a manly way, like this." "Spread the butter with force." "Drink the tea like a laborer drinks wine." "First, sit up like a man." "What do you want from me?" "Please, don't whine every time I correct you." "I'm teaching you." "I want you to look like a man tonight." "Good, now butter your toast." "Butter it like a man." "Don't be afraid." "That's the way!" "You're doing it on purpose!" "Take another one." "I'll never get it." "Never." "Don't whine, please, don't whine!" "Now hold this piece firmly in your hand." "Like a man." "With a strong hand, understand?" "Like a real man!" "Now something more difficult." "A little jam?" "Yes, take the spoon." "The teaspoon?" "Not like that!" "It's not a paintbrush." "It's only a spoon." "Hold it firmly." "Boldly." "Understand?" "You have something against me." "You want to kill me, old bitch!" "I'll never get it." "I broke the toast again." "It's broken." "Too bad." "It's situations like this... that force you to act like a man." "Do you understand?" "I understand." "You're right." "You have to say to yourself..." ""Albin, so you made a mistake." ""lt isn't hopeless." "You can try again."" "Force yourself." "Take another piece." "You're right." "In the end, it's not serious." "After all, I still have other ones." "Your pinky... lt does it by itself." "Blow your nose." "Let's go home." "Wait." "I need to freshen up." "What have I done now?" "What kind of walk is that?" "What's wrong with it?" "Walk like that tonight and we're ruined." "How should I do it?" "Come here." "What do you want?" "Try to walk like John Wayne." "The cowboy?" "John Wayne gets down from the horse." "He goes toward the saloon." "He opens the doors, and zap!" "Try it." "l have to be John Wayne?" "There I go." "That's John Wayne's daughter!" "Look at that fag!" "Someone just called me a fag." "Did you call my friend a fag?" "It's going down." "You can hardly see it." "Relax, darling." "You were wonderful, marvelous." "I'm proud of you." "That human mountain looked ridiculous... when he sat on you and banged your head on the floor." "I pitied him." "A silly brute who didn't know how to hit you." "No, leave it." "I'll get some ice." "It'll do him good." "Be right back, darling!" "I have bad news for you." "I couldn't do it." "I told him to stay tonight." "Why?" "What do you mean?" "Because he nearly died in my arms." "Because he's been my companion for years." "And because he has 80% interest in the club." "How are you going to introduce him?" "As your uncle." "Then we're ruined." "Calm down." "How stubborn you are." "What a temper!" "We can talk it over." "Certainly, it would be ideal if we had a woman here." "Strange, huh?" "We actually need a woman here." "Why don't you call your mother?" "No, never!" "Why?" "She abandoned me 20 years ago, and I won't ask her for a thing!" "You're not helping matters much." "OK, I'll take care of it." "I'll take care of it myself." "You can't be serious." "Go see that witch after what she did?" "Are you crazy?" "Why?" "Mrs. Deblon, please." "Ask the secretary over there." "Come in." "I'd like to see Mrs. Deblon." "You have an appointment?" "No, but tell her it's Renato Baldi." "I doubt she'll see you without an appointment." "She's very busy." "At least try." "Tell her Renato Baldi is here." "Wait in the hall." "Madam President will see you at once." "I'm coming with you." "I won't leave you alone with that woman." "I know what she's capable of." "Mrs. Deblon is waiting." "I'm coming." "Don't worry." "Everything will be fine." "Renato Baldi." "Dear Madam President." "I must say this is a surprise." "Have a seat." "I never drink in the morning, but...for the occasion..." "What made you come see me?" "Laurent." "It's not serious, is it?" "He wants to get married." "Already?" "How old is he?" "You don't even remember." "You haven't seen that boy for nearly 20 years." "Yes, I know." "Did you come to reproach me?" "My goodness, no." "It's just that for the first time, Laurent needs you." "I can cancel my appointments." "I'll be with you tonight." "Thank you." "lt's my pleasure." "I haven't done much for that kid in 20 years." "At times, I feel guilty." "What can I say?" "I'm not very maternal." "I am." "It's true." "He's been very lucky." "Well, then..." "what time tonight?" "At 8:00." "We'll do our little play... they'll leave, and everything will be fine." "Do you remember the revue?" "How could I forget?" "How handsome you were!" "I'd never seen such a body." "Now don't embarrass me." "Remember how afraid you were?" "I almost had a heart attack." "I walk in my room and find a woman in my bed!" "I got in by giving the doorman a tip." "$10 in those days!" "I was completely drunk." "And when I saw you in bed nude, I said to myself..." ""Let's try it."" "You have to try everything in life, right?" "So much had been said about it... that I gave in." "How long did the two of us last?" "I can tell you exactly." "From 2:30 to 3:45." "Two times." "It's hot in here." "You haven't changed much." "A few more pounds... but it's becoming." "It makes you..." "more manly." "What's all this hair?" "You didn't have any when I met you." "I shaved it for the stage." "He shaved it so I never got to enjoy it." "Careful, Simone." "Careful." "It's a crepe shirt." "With those nails of yours, you'll..." "look... you pulled a thread." "What does that red light mean?" "That Madam President is not to be disturbed for any reason." "Albin!" "Thank you." "Do you have my glasses?" "Where are my glasses?" "Here it is." ""The death of President Berthier."" "There's nothing at all." ""Exemplary career..."" ""Heart attack..."" "Nothing here." "Excellent." "Nothing here." "It's better this way." "It helps to have friends who are newspaper editors." "I knew it!" "I was sure!" "Those bastards!" "Two columns!" ""The Happy Death of President Berthier."" "Relax, Simon." "Listen to this." ""The last sentence uttered by Berthier..." ""symbol of the Moral Order, was, 'Remember my little gift."'" "What rats!" "What rats!" "May they die!" "Forget this whole story, Simon!" "Think of the goal of this trip." "The antique dealer rented it to me." "He wants it back tomorrow." "I redecorated the entire living room." "I hope your guests appreciate it." "What's going on?" "Thanks, Jacob." "I would've liked to have known my grandchildren." "Don't go away!" "Don't leave us!" "Don't cry, Jacob." "What is this?" ""Uncle Tom's Cabin?"" "I know." "I know what you think." "People make fun of me." "Not just in the club... but in the street as well." "Everywhere." "I'm aware that I'm ridiculous." "And there's only one place where no one is ridiculous." "And I'm going there." "Good-bye, Renato." "Don't leave!" "I'm leaving you my stereo, my red boots, and my wigs." "But where are you going?" "To Foissy!" "Foissy?" "There's nothing but a cemetery in Foissy." "That's why I'm taking the minimum." "A toothbrush to the cemetery?" "lt's over, Jacob." "l'm praying." "You know, my cemetery is in Lombardy." "It's the prettiest in the world." "There are trees." "The sky is blue." "There are birds." "Yours is for shit." "It's true. ln Foissy, they bury the dead in shit." "Forgive me for saying this, but you've become an old hag." "It's true, you're worthless, you're ridiculous." "You make people laugh." "But I'm with you." "Because you make me laugh." "So you know what I'm going to do?" "Leave everything behind and go with you to the shit at Foissy." "To laugh." "Every time you're with her, the same thing happens." "In 20 years, it's just the second time!" "Imagine having another child at your age." "You'd take care of the tiny tot by yourself, my dear." "I couldn't deal with a second motherhood." "What's so funny?" "I'm really ready to strangle you." "I'd like to talk to you." "I know you're having problems." "I know the press is still interested in us, and so-- l wanted to tell you that... the people we're going to" "Wait!" "This meat is not fresh." "I'll exchange it right away." "No, leave it. I don't want more of the same junk." "It's shocking that a place like this would serve rotten meat!" "I'll take it back." "What else can I do?" "I'll tell you what I'm going to do." "Write to Michelin." "You'll have fewer stars in the next guidebook." "That's it." "Well done, Simon." "Now what about all the people we're going to see?" "Nothing." "It's nothing important." "Good, Jacob...very good." "A perfect butler." "Haven't you forgotten something?" "I can't wear shoes. I never wear them." "They make me fall!" "Go on." "Go put your shoes on." "And use your normal voice." "It's better." "The little white master wanted the voice of a real black male." "Perfect, Dad." "You think so?" "This suit reminds me of my grandfather." "He always dressed like this." "He killed himself when he was 30." "Remember, Dad." "As few gestures as possible." "And don't walk around, and don't talk too much." "Just what's necessary." "The minimum." "What's wrong?" "I'm dressed appropriately, aren't I?" "Nothing on my fingers." "Nothing on my eyes or lips." "And on your feet?" "I thought a little hint of color wouldn't be out of place." "Yes, you're right." "Dressed like this I am even more ridiculous." "And I know you're thinking that, too." "Well... I'll leave." "I'll go." "I wanted so much to help you, my little one." "It'll pass." "Who is it?" "My mother." "Mr. Baldi's not here." "Who's speaking?" "is it you, Laurent?" "Laurent, I can imagine what you think of me." "After your father's visit, I asked myself a lot of questions." "You may think it's a little late, but..." "Listen, Laurent, your father's right." "It'll be better with a woman there." "Since I'm already on the road... if you still want me..." "I'll come." "Come." "Come?" "!" "Have you gone crazy, Laurent?" "It'll be better if she's here." "Do you know what he will do if your mother sets foot in here?" "He said he wanted to help me." "He'll be good." "Come on, relax." "Everything will be fine." "Touch this." "Squeeze it hard." "We rented you for only one day, but if all goes well... I'm willing to buy you... and get rid of my charm." "In fact, I'll do it right now." "You have your shoes on?" "Go on." "I'm honored." "Please, come in." "My father." "My daughter." "Nice to meet you." "My husband." "It's a great honor." "My mother apologizes." "She'll be late." "She had to take my brothers and sisters to my grandparents'." "Andrea told us that you have a large family, Mr. Baldi." "Quite large." "How many brothers and sisters does Laurent have?" "Six." "Six." "People don't have children anymore." "Our movement is very worried about this drop in births." "I congratulate you." "Your family should be held up as an example." "Have a seat, please." "One, two, three." "This is Charrier's chauffeur." "Just a second." "Charrier's chauffeur." "The Charriers are at "La Cage aux Folles."" "Are you sure?" "I'm sure. I just left them at the owner's place." "Call Moreau in Toulon fast!" "Charrier with fags!" "What a story!" "Did you have a good trip?" "Great." "Beautiful weather, good roads." "We spent the night... near Lyon, at my friend Bouchard's." "He's someone I met in the service." "I met him again a few years later in the hotel business." "He had inherited... a large property from his father and turned it into a modern hotel." "Comfortable." "Yes, comfortable." "Very nice." "Quite good." "Quite good." "It was a pleasant...stay." "I like the severity of this room." "Well, for my father..." "this house... is a place more for work and concentration... than a vacation house." "A monastery." "I captured the atmosphere right away." "I can always tell right away who I'm dealing with." "I'm pleased to say..." "I feel good with a man like you." "You've seduced my husband, Mr. Baldi." "I rarely hear him give so many compliments." "In fact, I must admit... that though I'm a civil servant" "Champagne, or do you prefer something else?" "No, thank you." "Just some water, please." "I never drink either, but today, I'll make an exception." "Watch what you're doing, idiot!" "Nothing serious." "Champagne brings luck." "Go on, Jacob." "We'll handle it." "Can I help you?" "Jacob's a good fellow, but he still has a lot to learn." "Help is really a problem these days." "If I told you how many chauffeurs I've had this year..." "You must have even more trouble since you travel so much." "Here I am." "I'm here!" "Here's Mother!" "Please forgive me. I'm terribly sorry, but the traffic" "Every day it gets worse." "It's becoming impossible." "Mr. Charrier, thrilled to meet you!" "I've been dying to meet the father of that naughty girl... who's stealing my baby." "The naughty thing!" "Dear Madam, I'm just joking." "I already like the child." "What a sweet thing!" "How about a kiss?" "How about a kiss for your second mother?" "Come here, darling." "I already love her." "She's adorable." "She's frightened, poor dear." "Come here." "Don't be afraid." "She's adorable." "Give me a cigarette." "Go warn your mother not to come." "Thanks." "Excuse me for a moment." "Where's the boy going?" "Dinner is served." "Jacob, what's come over you?" "Nothing." "Nothing at all." "Servants are such a problem." "We were just saying that." "It's close to impossible to get good help these days." "You can't imagine how many maids have passed through here." "And one's as clumsy as the next." "Not mean, just inept." "I could name a dozen-- Roger, Marcel, Luciano..." "Dinner." "No need to be so nasty." "Magnificent." "That Christ is splendid." "Yes." "My father." "Pardon me?" "My father, he restored it." "My father loved antiques." "Mr. Charrier on my right." "Renato on my left." "Mrs. Charrier there, and the girl across from mama." "Please, sit down." "These plates are very unusual." "They're pictures of young men playing together." "We have so many plates, I can't really say which ones those are." "From the 16th century." "I think they are Greek figures." "Greeks on my plates?" "How did they get there?" "Would you like to see it?" "I can't see without my glasses." "They're two young men, aren't they?" "Two young men." "Young men?" "But there must be some girls, too." "Yes, I think I saw one." "What a cute child." "She's right, of course." "There, there's one." "There's a girl there." "Isn't that a girl?" "Then I haven't seen one in a long time." "My goodness!" "It's two boys, for sure." "They're naked." "Where are my glasses?" "I'll be back in a minute." "Idiot!" "He uses the dishes with the naked Greeks!" "I can never find my glasses." "Let's see." "Peasant soup Martinique style." "Jacob's specialty!" "Oh, I'm sorry, Madam." "Jacob, take over." "Poor Mrs. Charrier is holding our Lord in her arms." "My apologies." "I am really sorry." "This way, please." "Bon appetit." "There are only two entrances, here and at the club." "Morin and Chauvet, wait at the club." "Will you stay on the Coast for long?" "No. I don't like to be away from my constituency for too long." "From your...?" "From my work." "And also the ambiance of this area, the dissipation... the loose morals... make me sick." "Doesn't that nightclub downstairs bother you?" "A nightclub?" "Yes." "And quite an ill-reputed one." "It's called "La Cage aux Folles."" "Oh, yes, "La Cage aux Folles."" "You're right above it!" "You share walls with those people!" "Just the walls." "Just the walls." "We're not friendly with them." "That's another world." "But...who owns the building?" "We do!" "You rent your cellar to the owner of a nightclub?" "Yes, Yes!" "But we didn't know he was a... nightclub owner!" "Naturally...we didn't know it." "He's a man... who doesn't say much." "He's so reserved." "It's just, "Hello, good-bye."" "He's not one to say, "Hey, I'm going..." "I'm going to put..." ""a nightclub in your cellar."" "Excuse me." "We should talk about the wedding." "Laurent is not here, but..." "These are things that parents should discuss." "Though our kids have already decided." "What do you think of the kids' decision?" "I must say that at first I was a little against it." "But when my daughter spoke so highly of your family... of its respectability..." "When your daughter told you..." "about our family?" "Yes, it...reassured me." "I thought that Andrea was... too young to get married, and your son, as well." "But since they're in love..." "and won't listen to reason... since they chose each other" "Since they chose each other?" "Well, I must admit that at first, we, too... were somewhat opposed to this marriage." "Especially me!" "It's always hard on a mother... when her son leaves her for another woman." "You'll say that's life." "Sure, that's life." "At some point, children leave." "It's a law, but..." "Excuse us." "Come, honey." "But we're discussing important things." "Excuse me." "What's so urgent?" "What's the matter with you?" "Look at yourself in the mirror!" "All right, so it moved a little." "What were you thinking of?" "They believe it." "All three were lovely to me." "I made a big impression." "Big impression?" "If they find out, everything's ruined." "I'm not doing it for you, but for Laurent." "And it's working fine." "On stage, perhaps." "Makeup and cream aren't enough here." "The Deputy surely noticed your hairy hands!" "A hostess doesn't leave her guests. lt isn't polite." "Albin, stay here!" "My wig!" "Renato, give me back my wig!" "Give me back my wig!" "They're not expecting this." "It'll be a big surprise!" "Mr. Baldi is upstairs." "I'm Laurent's mother." "Follow me, Madam." "Happy anniversary to you..." "How rude!" "Leaving us alone like this!" "And the son disappearing before dinner." "Maybe he had an errand to run." "And that woman is strange." "She has a way of speaking" "When she comes out with that "uh-uh-uh," l sense something." "I think she's nice." "Did someone knock?" "Well, where's that butler?" "Who's there?" "It's Laurent's mother, Mr. Baldi." "Laurent's mother?" "It's me, Renato." "Open up." "Her voice has changed." "Who's there?" "Laurent's mother." "Mr. Baldi isn't here." "I haven't the key." "The key's in the nook by the door." "In the nook." "What nook?" "On the left!" "Mr. Charrier, I'm Simone Baldi." "Nice to meet you." "You have an adorable daughter, Madam." "My compliments." "She's gorgeous!" "I knew my son had taste, but..." "Your son, Mr. Baldi... how many mothers has he got?" "Would you repeat the question, please?" "I'm asking you how many mothers your son has got." "Just one." "Albin." ""La Cage aux Folles..."" "Dad..." "let me explain." "What kind of story did you tell me?" "!" "Cultural attaché?" "!" "Housewife!" "Stop it!" "I was afraid to tell you. I've been afraid of you for 18 years." "Simon!" "Let's go." "Right away." "Come on." "Let's get going!" "No, I'm staying." "Then stay!" "I no longer have a daughter!" "I no longer have a daughter." "Reporters!" "Reporters." "That's the last straw." "A nice white wedding, huh?" "In great splendor!" "With the Pope's blessing!" "What good is that photo?" "It's shit!" "What can you see?" "A door with Charrier behind it?" "What good is that?" "I can see the headlines in tomorrow's papers." ""Sequel to President Berthier and His Whore."" ""Deputy Charrier Frolics With Transvestites."" "Mr. Deputy, take a look at this door." "There's no neon sign." "You can leave." "The bastards." "They've blocked the door." "This way they are forcing you to leave through the nightclub." "Through the nightclub?" "They'll be waiting there." "Through the nightclub..." "with the transvestites..." "No." "We'll call the police." "A ladder." "Do you have a ladder?" "Not again, Simon." "I'm ruined..." "I'm ruined!" "Renato, the poor man is really in a bind." "And his wife, too." "She's in the shit with him." "They're pitiful." "Well, I'll have to save the day...as usual." "You want to get out of here, right?" "No scandal, no publicity." "It's the first time, but you'll get used to it." "Then you can do it yourself." "You're gorgeous." "You look awful." "White makes me look fat." "I wanted black!" "What are you saying?" "He's a great girl!" "Hurry, and wiggle a little." "Mercedes, dance with her and move her towards the exit." "Would you like to dance?" "Get going, you gutsy thing." "To the hotel!" "Hurry!" "To the hotel!" "How much?" "How much?" "It's me, your boss!" "Calm down, Madam." "Madam?" "!" "Don't you recognize me?" "The idiot called me a whore!" "See that?" "She came." "I knew she would." "I told you I didn't want her here." "She's my son's mother." "It's normal for her to be here." "No, it's not normal!" "The model mother..." "now, after so many years." "Listen, if that witch goes to the reception, I won't." "Please, Albin." "l won't go!" "That's the only way." "That's really easy." "Please." "Please like hell!" "I'm fed up." "And you tell Laurent." "He'll understand because he loves me." "He'll understand that the day of his wedding I had to leave"