"Did you go see the doctor Friday?" "Yup." "What did he say?" "You know, the old good news, bad news routine." "Give me the bad news first." "I got to quit smoking." "And the good?" "I did." "You quit smoking?" "Yep." "Get out of here." "I quit." "Holy--you really quit." "Yeah." "I got the patch and I got this fake cigarette thing here." "This time it's for real, man." "Oh, be strong, brother." "Be strong." "Thanks." "So that's Friday, the weekend." "So it's been like what, three days?" "Hell no." "Three hours." "I quit this morning after breakfast." "You son of a bitch." "I don't know why I listen to you." "Hey, isn't that riggi?" "Yeah." "Damn, I can't pull over." "It's all right." "Just leave it here." "Come on." "You believe this guy?" "Hey, riggi." "Yeah, yeah, let's get it over with." "Hey!" "Whoa, whoa." "Officers, before we get started, let me just say that these is not my pants." "All right." "Let's go." "Whose pants are they?" "My pants was in the cleaners." "Yeah." "So I borrowed these from Ramon." "Oh, so Ramon owns the pants and the doo rag, all right." "Just take it easy for me here, okay." "Hey, hey, Nypd." "What's the deal, yakov?" "I have fair." "Yeah, I have badge, I have bad guy, okay." "I have fair, very important." "Oh, yeah." "Well, this particular suspect happens to have a rap sheet that includes robbing guys like you, okay." "So instead of honking your horn, maybe you should be thanking my ass for making the streets safer so you can go on soaking tourists by taking them from laguardia to downtown by way of jersey city." "What do you say to that?" "Wrong answer." "Get out of the car." "Get out of the car!" "I have fair." "Stay down." "Is he crazy?" "No, just quit smoking." "?" "This is modern day America?" "what's going on?" "Did you hear about Ruben?" "Nope." "He shot a guy." "Really?" "Yeah, he's pretty torn up about it too." "He kill him?" "No." "What happened?" "Well, the guy is a suspect in a couple of robberies." "They went over to pick him up, he pulled a knife, when after Al with it, Ruben shot him." "Self-defense." "Yeah, no problem with that." "You might want to talk to Ruben, mike." "He's feeling pretty bad about it." "First shooting is the toughest, kid." "But, you know, you did the right thing." "It happened so fast." "This guy got by me and I turned around and I saw the knife." "I shot him." "I didn't want to, but he was inches away from Al." "You had no choice." "Okay." "There was blood everywhere." "Guy was screaming, holding his butt." "He was inches away from Al." "He almost stabbed him." "His butt?" "Yeah, you should have seen the face on Al." "He was up against the wall." "You shot him in the ass?" "Yeah." "You shot him in the ass." "Yeah." "I feel bad." "Well, I wouldn't feel too bad 'cause unless his head was up there at the time, I think he's gonna be okay." "Come on." "All right, guys, listen up." "Ruben's feeling better but, you know, this has been a tough thing for him and he'd appreciate a little support." "McNEIL." "Yeah." "Bring your ass in here." "Better hurry up before Ruben takes a shot at it." "Sorry." "Get out of the car!" "I have fare!" "You want to explain that?" "Well, we--we were making an arrest and he was honking his horn a lot." "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know." "Let me call the mayor's office and see if I can get you a medal." "Look, sir-- look, I don't care!" "You can't be doing that kind of stuff, McNEIL." "You know how many people taped your little act?" "Three." "I can make a short film with all the angles I got." "Well, look, sir, I can promise you it's never gonna happen again." "That ain't gonna cut it, son." "You see, your good friend, the mayor, he has urged me very strongly to take a proactive stance on this before it all hits the fan." "So, you got two choices, two weeks unpaid suspension or eight weeks of anger management classes starting today." "You're kidding?" "Hey, Ruben, you got a special visitor." "Mom." "Yeah, it's your mommy." "Gaymunch." "Mom, what are you doing here?" "I have to talk to you." "You could have called." "No, you come with me." "Ruben, how could you?" "How could I what?" "Did you shoot Miguel Alvarez?" "How did you hear about that?" "Has it been on the news?" "I can never go back to st." "Michael's." "What am I gonna do?" "The church was my whole life." "I don't understand." "Miguel's mother is the choir director." "I was gonna sing my solo this Sunday and now I can never show my face there again." "Ma, he came at us with a knife." "I didn't have a choice." "I want you to go to the hospital and tell Miguel you're sorry." "What?" "You have to apologize, it's the only way I can go back." "Ma, he's a criminal." "You want me to apologize to him?" "Want me to look like a fool, is that what you want?" "No." "But if you don't apologize, you will deny me my salvation at the right hand of the lord." "Is that what you want?" "Okay, I think we should start." "Hi, welcome to anger management." "My name is peter." "Don't call me Pete, it really ticks me off." "Why don't we go around the room and introduce ourselves." "Hi." "Yeah!" "I'm mark." "I have a lot of problems with rage." "Hi, mark." "You wrote on your card that you consider yourself a rageaholic." "That's right." "Okay, next." "I'm sue, and I hate everybody." "Sorry, I didn't hear you." "I hate everybody." "I'm sue." "And what do you do, sue?" "I, um, work with handicapped children." "I'm Paulie and I hate my hair." "Okay--yes." "I'm--I'm actually just here." "I'm doing research." "I'm a writer and I'm writing a book, fictional book." "Hey, I saw you on the news." "No." "He's a cop." "He pulled this guy out of the window of a cab." "I hate cab drivers." "So do I." "If you're in this country, you learn English or you get the hell out." "I mean, they should all die." "They should all bathe is what they should do." "They should die, all of them." "Yeah, I would pull them out of the car and I would just start wailing." "And I would punch him in the neck!" "Punch him in the head!" "Oh, god." "Naw, I know." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I need help." "Somebody help me, please." "What mark is doing here is very brave." "He's recognized the power his anger holds over him and he's expressing the desire to purge it from his system." "This is great, mark." "Let's give him a hand." "Thank you, mark." "Thank you, mark." "God." "Lupe, this is my son, Ruben." "This is Mrs. Alvarez." "Hello." "You know my son." "I can't say that I know him." "We've met." "When you shot him." "Yes." "Let's leave these two young men alone to make their peace." "I'm gonna be right outside, okay, if you need anything." "Okay." "What are you doing here?" "My mother wants me to apologize for shooting you." "You gotta cut the apron strings, man." "You're sorry you shot me, cop?" "No." "Yeah, you are." "A real cop would have put a bullet in my spine, paralyzed me." "You aimed low, Suzie." "Look, man, I didn't want to kill you." "I don't hear you apologizing." "I'm sorry you forced me to shoot you." "I didn't want to do it, but you threatened my partner and if it happened again, I'd do the same thing." "I'll take you up on that." "I'm gonna come looking for you when I get out." "Fine." "Next time, I won't aim low." "I'm playing with you, man, it's cool." "Come on, it's cool." "It's all set." "Nice meeting you." "Okay, this is your anger pie." "Each slice represents one major area of your life that you've damaged with your anger." "Now, what names can we give these slices?" "Family." "Excellent." "Personality, peter." "Mike." "Boysenberry." "Funny." "Tell me a part of your life your anger has negatively affected." "You know, I'm not really here to talk." "I'm just here to listen and roll my eyes every couple minutes." "Can everyone hear the hostility in mike's voice?" "I can't." "News bulletin, mike, nobody wants to be here." "Good." "Can we go back to the pie now?" "No, no--not yet." "Your problem, mike, is you can't control your anger." "Yes, I can." "No, you can't." "Yes, I can." "No." "Yes." "See, for instance, right now," "I want to kick you in the balls so hard, you'll have to part your hair different just to hide 'em." "But I'm not." "Hey, Mr. Attitude." "If you don't want to be here, just get the hell out." "You're not gonna cry again, are you?" "Huh?" "What did you say?" "Don't let him provoke you." "What did you say?" "Get up!" "Get up!" "Come on, wise ass, get up!" "Don't give in to anger." "Time out." "No!" "Time out." "Could we talk about my hair now?" "You don't have any hair, moron." "I beg your pardon." "Open your eyes, bitch." "This is your fault." "Are you happy?" "No, I'm not happy." "Now I'm happy." "Hey." "Hey, how was the class?" "Ugh, awful." "Grown men crying." "About what?" "I don't know." "There were women there too, none of them were crying." "Were the men gay?" "I don't think so." "Besides, where's it written that if you're a gay guy you get to cry whenever you want." "Well, you know, gay men are more in touch with their feminine side." "Maybe you should get more in touch with your feminine side." "Honey, I don't have a feminine side, okay." "I have a masculine side and then another masculine side." "Come on, you don't ever feel soft or emotional?" "All right." "This is beginning to sound a little bit too much like a tampon commercial for my taste." "God, never mind." "What?" "Nothing." "What?" "You never talk to me about your feelings." "My feelings." "Yes." "You want to talk about my feelings?" "Yes." "Okay." "What are your feelings?" "My feelings." "My feelings, in no particular order:" "love, there's that, lust, anger, rage, total absolute rage with a side order of hostility, and then--I already mentioned lust, so-- forget it, okay." "Forget I said anything." "You know, I've never seen you cry." "Because I'm not gay." "Do you cry?" "Oh, boy." "Honey--you know, what the hell happened here?" "You know, this was supposed to be a fun thing." "You know, supposed to be like a little, you know, sexual oasis where the two of us get together and we have a good time, we have our laughs and enjoy ourselves." "And now it's turned into this thing where you're, you know, asking about my feelings and do I cry." "It's like I'm talking to my wife and I already have a wife, so I don't need another one." "You know what I mean?" "What's wrong?" "Sexual oasis?" "I didn't say that." "And if I did-- did I say that?" "Power and control, avoiding responsibility, poor communication skills." "Mike." "Hey, do you mind if I address the class before we get started?" "We started 10 minutes ago." "Oh, okay." "Well, I just realized that I said some things about mark that were negative last time and I'm sorry about that." "And I apologize." "Thanks, mike." "There might be hope for you yet." "Yup." "Oh, you bet." "Okay." "We were talking about the six main reasons people stay angry." "They are-- yeah, mike." "Yeah, remember when I said the thing last time about I could control my anger." "Yeah." "I was wrong." "I can't control it." "That's great, mike." "Wow." "You are really making a breakthrough here." "Oh, yeah." "Okay." "All right." "As I was saying-- mike." "Yeah." "I--see, I wish I could control it but I just can't." "I can't." "It's weird, it's like I wish I wasn't about to say what" "I'm about to say to you, which is this, you suck." "You guys all suck and this class sucks." "And you can all kiss my white Irish ass." "Okay." "Look, you know, I think we" "I also wish I wasn't about to say this, but shut up." "Hey, hang on-- you shut up too, okay, you hairless one." "You know what the problem is with the people in this class, okay, you're all a bunch of self indulgent, whining airbags and you think that coming in here three times a week is gonna make you change." "I got news for you, I ain't changing, okay." "I came in pissed off and I'm leaving pissed off." "Just like you, you came in bald, you're leaving bald, okay, fatso?" "Hey, ouch." "It does hurt." "Oh, that's too bad." "All right." "All right." "You can disrespect me in this room but I won't have you-- you have an amazing ability to just keep talking." "Can I--can I say-- not now." "And if you want to talk about self indulgence-- yeah?" "Mister, this here is the height of self indulgence." "Oh, really." "Oh, really." "Yes, please." "This is not mike management class now, all right." "Just shut up!" "Wow." "Wait a minute, back off." "Somebody want to help me here?" "I don't think so." "What, are you scared of a little girl?" "Hey, at least I'm not bald." "Come here, chumley." "Pip?" "Yeah, it's me." "I need some back up." "I'm at the class." "Yeah, the anger management class, yeah." "Sweetheart, I'm warning you." "All right, let's go." "Hand off of me, cop." "I'll kick your ass too." "I work with handicapped kids." "Yeah, as if they don't have enough problems already." "Come on." "The class is called "anger management."" "Yeah, why?" "Just asking." "Now look, here's what we're gonna do, okay, you're gonna sign a form saying I completed the course, then you and I are never gonna see each other again." "No way, I'm not signing anything." "All right, markie." "I guess I'll be seeing you next week." "I'll sign." "That a boy, Pete." "I've often wondered how a man who knew he was gonna die could stand here and say that he was the luckiest man in the world, but now I think I know how Lou Gehrig felt." "You okay, mike?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "I meant the drink." "Yeah." "Hey, what's happening." "Hey." "You look like you've been pounding them pretty hard there, pal?" "Yeah, I had a rough day." "Yeah." "There's a lot of sickness in the world, mike." "A lot of it." "People we have to deal with, they don't care." "That guy with the knife, he would have killed Al and never given it another thought." "Probably right." "And look at me, I shot the guy and I can't stop thinking about it." "What's wrong with me?" "Maybe I shouldn't be a cop." "No, no, no, man." "No, that's exactly why you should be a cop, you know." "'Cause, I mean, if you didn't think twice about it, you'd be no better than the guy that you shot... in the ass." "I don't want you to forget that part." "There's so much darkness, where's the light in the world?" "Where's the joy?" "There's gotta be joy out there somewhere." "I just wonder where." "Yeah." "See you later." "I'll be right back." "Okay." "Wow." "Wow." "Should have been doing this all along."