"Season 5" " Episode 11 The Farnsworth Parabox" "joke0" "Oh lordy lou, Heeelp!" "I know you've rejected me a lot before, but frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either!" "But now I am!" "So, how about a date tonight?" "Sorry, I think I..." "I think I left my toaster on." "Budda, Zeus, God, one of you guys, do something!" "Come on Leela, what's the real reason you won't go out with me?" "Help, satan, you owe me!" "Look, um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you've forced me to." "I can't go out tonight because..." "I have sweaty boot rash!" "No sp'luh!" "Why do you think I'm sitting over here, in the stink-free zone?" "So, will you go out with me?" "Good news everyone!" "I'm still technically alive!" "Yes." "But I need you all to dispose of this crazy ass experiment that almost killed me." "You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun has enough energy to ensure its total destruction!" " I can hit it with a shovel." " That's not good enough." "This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel." "Yes, yes." "So, what's in the box, already?" "No peeking!" "I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it!" "You hurt my collater!" "I don't care." "Listen well." "No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box." "Forbidden!" "Pretty tantalising though?" "Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted." "In my experience, boxes are usually empty." "Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top." "And one time, pepperoni!" "What a day that was!" "Give me the box!" "Scram you lousy green snakes!" "Here Leela, take this and use it to shoot those guys." "Right, if they try to look in the box." "Whatever." "Let's just forget about the box." "The Professor said to stay away." "Fry, how can you be so naive?" "He was joking, get it?" " No..." " That's what makes it so funny!" "Ok, he wasn't joking." "Now shut up, and follow me." "It's hot!" "The butter in my pocket is melting!" "We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive." "Tangled up Christmas lights!" "We can take shifts untangling them!" "And unlabelled booze!" "Widemouth too!" "That oughta keep those dopes occupied." "I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it." "Well, I got through the night, and no-one looked in the box." "Not even me, the person who gave up her whole evening...to watch it." "A whole evening of TV...gone!" "What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek." "I need coffee." "Ok." "Heads I look, tails I don't." "Oh yeah, oh yeah!" "Heads!" "I mean, alright then!" "No." "I have a duty not to look." "Well, then again, I promised the coin I would..." "Ooh, it's deep... deeper than a small box should be." "My lawyer will hear about this." "Leela, what have you done?" "Nothing!" "Why do you mean "why was I looking in the box?"" "I mean your hair." "It's all different-y." "Bender?" "Is...is that you?" "You know it." "Large and in charge." "There's a woman for you, always dying her hair instead of not looking in the box." "I didn't dye my hair." "This is how I always look." "No." "That's how you always look." "This throws my entire perception of reality into question." "Clone, robot or long lost twin?" "Taking all bets!" "I also offer video poker." "It's some guy wearing a Leela costume." "Get him!" "Hold it!" "You have this all wrong." "I just fall into the box and then I felt out somehow." "You shut up, sir!" "No, wait!" "I've got it!" "I know what's in the box." "Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry!" "I'm not." "It contains...a parallel universe!" "And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins!" "No look, I am not evil." "My loan officer said so." "You'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you Leela?" "Or should I say, Eveela." "Aw, this is awful." "Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me." "I do my best, dammit!" "Leela..." "The good Leela." "I want you to snoop around the other universe and find out how evil they are." "Here." "I tell you they're not evil." "But don't be confused, they are jerks." "Hello!" "Come out of your universe with you're hands up!" "It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was in that drug trip." "Astonishing!" "I must have created a parallel universe!" "Baldercrap!" "I created your universe." "All you created was my fist parallel to your face." "Look, it doesn't matter who created what." "The important thing is..." "We're exactly the same." "I know all her moves." "Therefore, I've got the upper hand." "No, no." "Perfectly symmetrical violence never solve anything." "Let's recap what's happened so far." "As you can see, I accidently created a box containing your universe..." "While I, in a simultaneous blunder created a box containing your universe." "This getting confuse." "Why don't we call our universe, "Universe A" and this universe "Universe B"?" "Hey!" "Why can't we be "Universe A"?" "We called it first." "Besides, this place kinda fells like a B, you know..." "Alright!" "You can be crummy "Universe A", and we'll be "Universe 1"." "Or "The Mongooses"." "That's a cool team name:" ""The Fighting Mongooses"." "Wait a second." "If everyone is identical, why our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?" "Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin." "It came up tails, so I don't look." "That's weird!" "Mine came up heads." "So I did." "Interesting!" "Apparently, the key difference between our universes is that coin flips have opposite outcomes." "That'd explain fruity here." "I tossed a coin to pick my finish." "Fog-hat grey." "Bite my glorious golden ass!" "You people and your slight differences disgust me." "I'm going home." "Where is that blue box with our universe in it?" "You would like to go back to your evil universe, wouldn't you?" "And destroy your box with our universe inside it." "Nonsense!" "I would never do such a thing!" "Unless you would already have been going to do that!" " Wha?" " You heard me!" "In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm conviced you're not evil." "Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart." "And you all do the same." "Euh..." "Can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together?" "We have plans tonight." "You guys are dating?" "No, no." "We're married." "I got my eye on you, boy!" "Don't even think about it lunch pail!" "You'd be dead before you hit the ground!" "Good point." "What do you say we just hit a strip joint?" "I was waiting for one of us to say that." "Bender A, you're a prince among robots." "Can you forgive me for distrusting you?" "I can't stay mad at what is essentially me." "I love me!" "This is so great!" "I always wanted an imaginary friend." "I'm not imaginary, I'm parallel." "We're exactly the same, right down to the..." "Beurk!" "Is that pink nailpolish?" "Is that not-pink nailpolish?" "The Professor was right." "You are evil." "And shollow." "I am not evil! So Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together?" "Funny story." "I ask Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me." "I'd make up stuff like:" ""I have sweaty boot rash", or," ""I have to meet the President"!" "Oh man, you never heard such excuses!" "But, like a dope, I believed her." "Looking back on it now, it's kind of funny!" "It sure is!" "Right Leela?" "Funny?" "Then one night, when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts," "I knew he wouldn't buy it." "So I did what I always do in those situations." "Oh Lord!" "I flipped a coin." "It came up heads and we went out." "You mean you flipped a coin too?" "And it was tails?" "So that's why you said you haven't meet that ghost." "You really missed out on something Leela." "That day was magical." "One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchy, and we were married." "One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert by a man named Scrunchy! Well, that was pointless." "Say I, hope you won't think it's evil of me to ask how you got that stylish head wound?" "This old thing?" "I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain!" "Of course!" "I had the same idea." "I flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed." "But it came up tails, so I didn't." "How'd it go?" "Well, getting the brain out was the easy part." "The hard part was getting the brain out!" "You!" "So, tell me about yourself." "Well, don't looking to it, but I'm a respected internal medecine doctor." "A can!" "As for me, I design mansions then live in them." "I'm lying, I'm an appalling failure." "Me too, a big fat one." "And those co-workers." "Always looking down on us Zoidbergs." "What are they?" "From Nob hill?" "They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg."" ""Put on pants, Zoidberg!"" ""Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."" "Ohhh, that box." "Too good for us, is it?" "Bah!" "Someday they'll watch from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box." "You know...maybe a certain blue lobster saw where Professor hid the box." "Good news everyones!" "After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've conclued that none of us are evil!" "Yes, the Bible is the real good news." "Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your home universe." "What's going on here?" "Why aren't you all out to destroying the Professor's box?" "Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody?" "No." "Now like my granny used to say back in her tall paper shack on Montego Bay:" ""If you want a box hurled into the sun, you gotta do it yourself!"" "Your granny can go to hell!" "I've hidden the box, so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here." "Oh go on!" "Hey, wait a second!" "If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe, then your Hermes..." "Oh my..." ""And sure enough!"" "Like granny said:" ""If you want a box hurled into the sun, you gotta do it yourself."" "God rest her zombie bones." "So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes." "Right." "Good thing, Professor B, there, hid it in the sealer-camf tank." "No one but a crazy lobster would look there!" "It's gone!" "All hail Zoidberg!" "The king with the box!" "Now it's my turn maybe?" "The box says no." "Meanwhile in universe A, Hermes A heads towards the sun ......" "A" "Item 1:" "Box." "Check." "Item 2:" "Sun." "It's a big check." "If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now!" "Our universe is doomed!" "Dooooooooooommmed!" "No, don't give up yet you cry-babies." "The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope." "Is it a kind of hairspray?" "No!" "We must attempt to make another box containing our universe." "Well, is that your universe in there?" "Nope, too cold." "Oh women." "I'll put this one aside for later." "Oh man, it's hopeless, we'll never find your universe in time!" "Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head!" "Yes, it's the apocalypse alright." "I always thought I'd have an hand in it!" "I'm not sad, because I finaly found someone as great as me." "It's like I always say:" ""Make new friend but kill the old." "One is silver... the other is gold."" "Why with the long faces?" "The idiots have the box!" "I think she means you." "Grab them!" "You coward!" "Wait for me!" "Which one did they go into?" "No, let's all ask each other!" "That will solve this problem." "We each have to search a universe." "Everyone, grab a length of wire first so you can find your way back." "Hello!" "Did you see two smelly lobsters?" "We didn't see any'ting." "Ever." "Yo!" "Did two shellfishs in scrubs go by?" " Hell no!" " Shut up!" "Beat it jerk! Have you robot versions of you guys seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?" "Negative!" "Will you...go out...with me?" "Access denied." "Hey pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun universe." "Yeah, Leprechauns universe is fine...if you haven't seen Pirate universe." "Faith and begota!" "Quae? Quick!" "Into an other box!" "They aren't in this universe they aren't." "Hey, you!" "What with the no boxes?" "Baby, they're somewhere." "Everything's like somewhere." "Place is kinda "au naturel" right now." "There they are!" "Gotcha!" "Dig it!" "All of you fitting in this box is like seriously freaked up." "Nonsense!" "Why, there's a whole universe in there." "Dude." "There's a universe in all of us." "Right on, Professor Freaksworth." "Get a job!" "We have the box." "Everyone pull your wires." "Hurry!" "Back to universe A! Hermes, don't press that button!" "OK." "Bye bye." "So long your Majesty!" "There but for the flip of a coin go we." "So, hum, Leela, seen now the universe wasn't destroyed, you want to catch an ape fight?" "You know, together?" "Well, I guess you deserve one more flip..." "So?" "Heads or tails?" "You know, let just say it's heads." "Ready?" "1, 2, 3, pull!" "There." "That space time inversion has given us their box." "And vice-versa!" "So what you've think you've just explained to us is that..." "Correct!" "This box contains our own universe!" "Sweet honey bee of infinity!" "Bender, quit destroying the universe!" "Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box!" "And the box itself is probably worth something to." "We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives." "synchro by:" "Adam Rambousek  joke0" "June 17th, 2003 - v1"