"Sub: bhoie_t moron." "No..." "No." "No, you can't do this to me." "I've given up everything for you." "Look, what we have is special, baby." "I even told my wife!" "Yeah." "Yesterday." "No." "She's filing for divorce and taking the kids." "Yeah, well, what did you expect?" "Word gets out about our relationship, my career is finished!" "Because the education board frowns highly on deans sleeping with their students!" "No, I don't make a habit of it." "There was only you..." "What?" "She meant nothing to me..." "Or her..." "Or her!" "Hey, hey, hey." "I never slept with her." "I'm sure I didn't." "And if I did..." "If I did, I must have been really drunk." "Uh, look, look." "I love you, Dimpleface!" "Yeah." "Yes, I received your break-up gift and I don't think it is funny." "So what?" "I'm just a clown in your book?" "Huh?" "I'm just a stupid-looking toy to be discarded at your leisure?" "Huh, huh?" "Look, little lady, you wouldn't even be graduating if it wasn't for me, you ungrateful little..." "I swear if you do this to me, you will pay!" "You and all your sorority bitches who tease and taunt men with their nubile bodies, pouting lips and eyes that sparkle like pools of sunshine filled with hope and dreams of a better tomorrow that never comes!" "I'm sorry I just..." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Goodbye." "What are you looking at, clown?" "You think this is funny?" "I'll show you funny." "Yeah." "I'll show you funny." "Yeah." "Check this out!" "All it takes is one." "All it takes is one!" "So laugh this off." "Press!" "I'm Bobo, the clown." "Let's play!" "I know a fun game." "Guess it's your lucky day, huh, Bobo?" "Are we having fun yet?" "I don't know." "You tell me." "Stupid." "If you were me, Bobo, what would you do?" "I'd kill them all." "Yeah." "Wait a minute..." "Who?" "Who am I here?" "Okay, this is weird." "Hey, this feels kinda good." "I'm Bobo, the clown." "Let's play." "Yes, let's." "And I know exactly who I want to play with!" "Well, that's just about the last of them." "Who's left inside?" "Kitty, Nina, and..." "What's-her-name?" "Allie?" "Nah, that's not it." "Yeah, her name is Allie." "Are you sure?" "I thought it was "Weirdo" or "Spacey" or "Edith"." "Vicky, every girl in this sorority deserves equal respect." "We're all sisters here." "Thank god not biological." "When are you taking off?" "Tomorrow." "Marcus is coming over later to help me pack." "How about you?" "Couldn't get a flight until Tuesday." "Oh, so that means that you and Allie can spend some quality time together." "I think not..." "Richard's coming by to help distract me from packing." "Ooh." "Are you guys getting serious?" "Serious is not in my vocabulary, Fawn." "Along with the words "No", "Don't" and "Stop"." "But I use them together all the time." ""No, don't stop!" "Don't stop!"" "Delta Pi Sorority." "Hmm." "Get ready for the greatest show on earth!" "What a shocker." "Kitty taking in the golden rays of skin cancer, and Nina reading porn." "'Lady Chatterly's Lover' is not porn." "It's high class literature with..." "Slight erotic overtones." "I know and you're reading it as research for your own paper." "Wait, what's the title again?" ""Hump me, baby, one more time"?" ""Forbidden Secrets"." "That's appropriate." "At least, you're writing what you know." "Give the girl a break, Vicki." "She didn't do anything to you." "She hasn't done anything to anyone." "If a real guy ever even touched her, she would probably explode." "I wouldn't!" "I would not." "Sexually speaking." "Oh." "No, I..." "I think I could handle it." "I think..." "But it takes more than just handling." "You have to stroke it fondly." "Caress it and then open it." ""And this time, the sharp ecstasy of her own passion" ""did not overcome her." ""She lay with hands inert on his body."" "This isn't porn?" "Ah, a hot tub..." " Let's get in." " Mmm..." "No, thank you." "Have you ever been in a hot tub, Kit?" "No, the chemicals are bad for your skin." "I can think of worse." "Like what?" "Tan lines." "Nina, come join me." "It's a little cold but I'm sure the burning desire inside you could heat it up." "You're..." "You're not very funny." "No." "I'm much better taken as a whole." "Hey, I have an idea." "Why don't you go practice your oral skills and blow up those beach balls?" "I could just use the pump." "Oh, that's what I hear you using every night?" "I'll give you a pump, sweetcakes." "Who's first?" "There are five steps to conjuring a demon lover." "Step one, creating the pentagram." "Check." "Step two, burning candles." "Check." "Step three, stimulate an environment of arousal." "Check." "Aroused and ready." "Hey, Allie." "Yo." "Umm..." "Whatcha doing?" "Trying to contact the dark lord to release me from this black hell known as my life." "And with any luck, rock my world." "Oh." "How about you, Fawn?" "Would you care to be my sacrifice today?" "Uh, doesn't that require a virgin sacrifice?" "Not in the revised edition." "Even they're aware that virgins are hard to come by these days." "No pun intended." "You know what?" "I'm good." "I just wanted to see if you were planning on taking off for spring break or hanging around here." "That all depends on this ceremony." "If it works, and I'm given absolute power from the dark one," "I might go on a little romp of destruction around Eastern Europe." "Maybe destroy England." "I don't know." "I'm keeping my options open." "What about you?" "Cancun tomorrow with Marcus." "Sounds lovely." "Hopefully, I'll be all-powerful or dead by then." "Look, Allie." "I don't want to pry but if this is about a guy and I really hope it is, he is just so not worth it." "Cliff had no right to break up with me!" "You know, you open your soul to somebody, you let them in and you tell them how you feel, and then..." "Oh, my gosh!" "You poor thing!" "Do you want to talk about it?" "I want him to burn in hell." "I want all guys to burn in hell!" "You know, not all guys are bad." "Some are actually like, really cute and funny." "You're not helping." "You're right." "Men are all bad, horrible, ugly, pathetic losers." "That's better." "And I bet the one that hurt you had a tiny, little..." "Dick!" "What did you call me?" "That's me!" "Christ!" "I'm soaking wet." "Look at me." "Okay, I'm looking and you're looking good." "Kitty is like a cat." "She hates the water." "It's the chlorine." "The chemicals get into your pores and they..." "Why do I waste my time?" "I'm sorry." "You want me to dry you off?" "Lick you clean?" "Like the cat reference." "Lick you clean." "Get it?" "No." "Please keep explaining the joke because I'm a brainless idiot." "You said it." "Not me." "God, now I have to take a shower and redo everything." "I can help you with that, too." "Hey!" "Don't forget who you came here to see." "Oh, come on." "How could I ever forget." "Hey, Nina!" "How's that novel coming along?" "Get to any of the juicy parts yet?" "Uh, I'm getting there." "Oh, that does it." "No!" "What are you..." "Hey!" "What are you..." "What the..." "Stop!" "Someone forgot to wear underwear today." "Vicki, give them back." "Clowning around, huh?" "I'll show you how it's really done later." "But first..." "Is this turning you on?" "It floats in the water." "Mm-hm?" "Nina." "Toss them over." "Nina." "Don't you dare touch them." "Don't make me come out and get them." "As your sorority sister," "I command you not to move a muscle!" "I can't disobey my sorority sister." "Well, if that's how it's going to be, then I'm not going to be the only one naked around here." "So, when did you get into all of this occult stuff?" "An ex-boyfriend introduced me to it a few years back." "He turned out to be a real bastard too." "Oh..." "You know what you need to do?" "You need to get out in the world and try something new." "You know, just try some fresh experiences." "Because this world is full of possibilities, and there is way more to life than just men, you know?" "You're right." "There is." "Is that what you had in mind?" "Um..." "Not exactly." "I have to go." "I think I hear Marcus' car pulling up outside." "Hey, Fawn." "You're going to be a great motivational speaker one day." "I feel so much better." "The shower's not working again!" "Oh, it must be the water pressure." "I'll check it later." "Just use the tub for now." "Hmm..." "Sorry." "I need to use the bathroom." "Try the one downstairs." "Yeah, whatever." "Hey, you forgot your..." "What are you smiling about?" "I'm Bobo, the clown." "Let's play." "Play with yourself." "I'm busy." "Oh yeah, let's see what's under that towel, baby." "Tempting, very tempting." "Hmm..." "Oh, finally!" "God, I love kissing you." "Mm, you I like to kiss." "Just you and nobody else!" "It's only been like fifteen hours since I last saw you." "I know, but I'm just really excited to see you." "You keep this up and I'm not even going to make it in the house." "Oh, sorry." "I'm just really excited to see you." "If I didn't know better," "I would think you're cheating on me." "What?" "No, don't be ridiculous!" "I would never kiss anybody else." "Especially not another girl." "That would never, never ever happen, ever." "So..." "So, are we going to go upstairs to pack, or you want to do something else?" "Inside?" "Umm..." "No, not right now." "No, we should go around back and join the others." "But I thought you were in the mood..." "Mmm..." "Oh, we can do that later." "Come on." "You're so weird." "Yeah, but that's why you like me, right?" "Mmm." "Teasing, flaunting their hot bodies." "I'll show you." "Are you sure nothing's wrong?" "You're acting a little strange, you know." "I have nothing to hide, Marcus, honestly." "Hey, Marcus." "Dick!" "Just, uh, collecting my shorts." "I don't think I planned it out." "Wow!" "Hey!" "Hey there, Richard, what are you doing hanging out?" "Poking around?" "What are you doing here?" "Vicky's been playing games with my shorts, so..." "Only I'm not getting out unless you give me back my swimsuit." "Oh no!" "You get the same treatment I did." "Don't know about you guys, but who feels like a swim?" "Oh no, don't you dare!" "Dare!" "Please dare?" "Hey, what is that?" "Ow!" "Damn." "That could have been a nasty prick, but not as nasty as me!" "Like you said, these chemicals are just so bad for your body." "Sometime you just have to wash out your entire system." "Now, that's what I call a clean kill." "Two on one." "Not fair, but I'm not complaining." "Hey!" "I see you've been checking out the guys a lot lately." "Is it that obvious?" "Well, it's not exactly subtle." "Sorry." "I don't know what's come over me, it's just like these urges, you know?" "It's totally natural, and most girls do a lot more than just look." "So, I've heard." "You know, it's not hard to get a guy." "To do what?" "Pretty much do what ever you want them to do." "Carry your books." "Free drinks." "Get a better grade from a teacher in a class." "How did you get Marcus?" "Oh, he was easy." "All It just took a smile and a cup of coffee." "But, who made the first move, you know?" "Well, the smile was me." "The cup of coffee was on him..." "Literally." "He spilt it on his way over." "On his hand and then his leg." "It was really hot and he screamed like a girl." "What did you do?" "I laughed." "He blushed." "The ice was broken and that was that." "When a cool guy is forced to become humble, he turns real, and that really turns me on." "But what turns them on?" "Pretty much anything in a skirt." "Or anything out of a skirt." "Hey, this is not a contact sport." "Two minutes in the penalty box for you, Mr. Marcus!" "Where is it?" "I'm sitting in it." "See you guys later." "Have fun!" "You've got to keep them on a tight leash, you know?" "Yeah." "And what do I have to do?" "Lotion application." "Am I giving it, or am I receiving?" "We can take turns." "How about you do Marcus and I'll do you?" "Okay." "We're good over here." "Looks like we're the odd girls out." "Yeah." "I've got to go..." "I've got to go write." "I'm just like feeling really inspired right now." "Do you want to continue this inside the house?" "You want to put sunscreen on to go inside the house?" "Well, this house has a lot of windows." "You can never be too careful." "Are you sure you didn't hit your head?" "Aw, want me to kiss it and make it all better?" "I'm going inside." "I don't understand women either." "I'm going in." "Okay..." "Hmm..." "Huh." "Oh yeah, there we go!" ""Crystal had never felt this way before." ""Except for when in the shower by herself." ""Or sometimes just before going to sleep," ""or just after waking up in the morning."" ""Her urges were powerful."" "Mmm..." ""She was like..." ""A burning cauldron bubbling over." ""A volcano ready to erupt." ""A flood about to burst through!" ""But this time..." ""This time, she needed more." ""She had to have him!"" ""Her thighs quivered with anticipation," ""as she found a voice within that commanded him." ""Get on the bed and take off your clothes!"" "Oh, yeah!" "That's good, that's good." ""I want to see you." ""I want to see all of you!"" ""I want you to give me pleasure," ""and I don't mean a quickie!" ""Uh-uh, I want it all!" ""Hours and hours of non-stop," ""heart-pounding ecstasy!" ""Ravage me!" ""I'll maybe beg for you to stop" ""but don't listen to me!" ""I just want you to keep going" ""and going and going and going and going and going..."" "Ah..." "Break time." "I'm never going to finish writing this novel." "It will be just a quick break, and then I'll get back to work." "Oh, I know what I need!" "Ah-ha!" "There you are, Max." "You guys must have to watch this a lot!" "Must be frustrating." "Here we go." "That's it." "She's going down." "Yes..." "Yes, yes!" "Yes, yes!" "Yes!" "Yes, yes!" "No, no, no!" "No, don't do this to me!" "Not right now." "Ugh, stupid battery!" "Oh my god!" "What are you doing there?" "I'm Bobo, the clown." "Are we having fun yet?" "Almost." "Hey." "Get over here!" "Hey!" "What are you doing?" "No, don't touch me there!" "What kind of clown are you?" "I'm Bobo the clown, and I can rock your world!" "Huh." "Oh, he's kind of cute." "Oh yeah." "I wonder." "Oh..." "Oh!" "Yeah, that's kind of good." "Oh, Bobo!" "You're quite the clown." "Oh, okay!" "Okay, Bobo, you take over." "Who does she think I am, the Energizer clown?" "This is the greatest toy ever!" "Oh, I'm tingling all over." "Bobo increasing power now." "Bobo?" "Where are you going?" "♪ All around The cobbler's bench" "♪ The monkey Chased the weasel ♪" "No, too powerful!" "♪ The monkey Thought it all in fun" "♪ Pop goes the weasel!" "♪ A penny for A spool of thread" "♪ A penny for a needle" "♪ That's the way The money goes" "♪ Pop goes the weasel!" "♪" ""Shocking, kids!" "Don't try this at home." ""The end."" "Are you going to tell me what's going on with you?" "Dean Whitman bothering you again?" "What?" "No, why would you ask me that?" "Well, you told me he had been getting on your case." "Well, not my case." "I mean, not just me." "It's this whole sorority he has issues with but I got him to calm down weeks ago." "How'd you do that?" "I don't want to talk about Dean Whitman, or school, or this sorority any longer." "I just want to enjoy spring break with the man I..." "Don't say it." "It's too soon." "The man I like a whole lot." "I'll accept that." "Only because I love you, though." "Hey!" "You get to say it but I don't?" "You don't..." "I mean, you don't mean it." "And I don't think you even really know me, yet." "But you think you know me well enough?" "Well, I'm getting there." "You're the weird one." "Yeah, that's why you like me, though." "I like a lot of people." "Except Allie." "Why would you say that?" "Well, you been avoiding her." "Allie is fine." "I like her." "I just don't 'like her' like her, you know?" "Not like I like you." "Can you say 'like' any more?" "I'm going to hit you if you don't change the subject." "Tell me something I don't know about you." "I never eat on a empty stomach." "Okay, then follow me." "Allie, don't you have something better to be doing?" "Nope." "I think I smell your satanic candles burning upstairs." "I put them out before I left." "Richard and I don't give free sex shows." "Yeah, that's right." "I charge admission." "Oh, do you take personal checks?" "I gotta take a leak." "I'll be right back, okay?" "What do you think you're doing?" "I don't know." "Watching true love in motion." "Jealousy much?" "Of someone who sleeps with half the guys on campus?" "I don't think so." "Okay, you're no angel." "Try dark angel." "What do you want?" "What are you offering?" "Nothing!" "Leave us alone." "Say the black magic word." "Go to hell." "Lucky guess." "You are so weird." "You haven't seen weird yet." "I'm about to go upstairs and put a curse on your boobs." "You leave my boobs out of this." "They are perfect as is." "Got milk?" "Don't you dare!" "I swear, if you even so much as tweak a nipple," "I swear, I will bury you!" "Hey, you're pretty funny looking." "You're one to talk." "Hey, who said that?" "Marcus, are you out there, man?" "I'm Bobo, the clown." "Let's play." "You don't sound too good, little man." "I'm Bobo, the clown and you're pissing me off!" "You're funny!" "And that reminds me." "I don't need to see this." "So this is where you put my bear, and you gave him an apron?" "Yeah." "He's a cooking bear." "No, he's a tough and manly bear." "He's holding a heart." "He's strong, he's powerful!" "I mean he's a good lover to boot, but..." "Who also likes to cook in the kitchen." "I don't cook." "I know, and one day soon, we'll change that about you." "I thought the bear represented me." "It does represent you." "Except one is just a little cuter than the other." "And the other's a little fuzzier?" "I guess the only thing that really matters, is who's a little bit more warm and cuddly." "Oh, well you'd better not get that answer wrong." "I might need some convincing." "Okay." "After we eat." "Right after." "Look what I found in the bathroom." "Get that away, I hate clowns!" "Come on, nobody hates clown." "Umm, epic fail." "Everyone hates clowns." "They're creepy." "Okay, but this one's funny." "It talks." "Listen." "I'm Bobo, the clown and I'm getting pretty sick of people pushing my buttons!" "See?" "It's funny!" "It doesn't tell jokes, it just complains." "Soon, it's my turn to play 'Poke A Hot Ass'!" "Great." "An adult clown for mature children, even creepier." "Keep that up and I'll give you the finger, buddy!" "Come on." "What do you have to say for yourself?" "I'm Bobo, the clown." "And I'm going to kill you." "That was not funny!" "Yes, it was!" "It was just like the episode from The Twilight Zone." "You know, the one with the bald guy?" "'Beyond The Poseidon Adventure'?" "God, I love that movie." "Now, that's a film that could use a remake." "Why am I dating you?" "Well, it's not because of my mind." "Absolutely not." "Personality?" "Highly doubtful." "It's got to be the hot body." "Yep." "I'm so shallow." "How'd you get Satan Girl to leave?" "I told her to go to hell and I think that's exactly where she went." "You two do not get along, huh?" "You think so, Mr. Perceptive?" "I'm just saying, because I think I know why." "Okay." "I gotta hear this from the guy majoring in water polo." "Hey, It's psychology 101." "She hates you because she wants you." "She wants to be me?" "No, like she wants to be with you." "Like, I think she likes girls." "You're saying Allie is a lesbian?" "But, no, I've seen her with guys before, amazingly as that seems." "Okay, a closeted lesbian, perhaps." "Like she probably doesn't even realize it yet." "No, shut up." "You're a guy." "All guys fantasize of girls being lesbians." "That's not true." "Give me a break." "Two girls, one guy?" "Admit it." "Well, I can't fight that scenario." "Exactly." "Now let's focus on the matter at hand." "Mmm..." "Although..." "She did say she was going to put a curse on my boobs before she left." "See?" "I told you, she was checking you out." "All girls check out how other girls look." "It doesn't mean we're all lesbians." "I beg to differ." "My boobs are just great." "It's a fact." "Everyone checks them out, but not in, like, in a weird, sexual way." "Okay, agreed, agreed." "Let's examine your chest in a totally asexual way, all right?" "They're not too big, not too small." "They sit nicely on their chest." "Pronounced but not obtrusive." "And I'm sure the areola is properly proportioned, too." "Okay, enough." "You're a guy, so you can find them sexually arousing." "Okay, good, because I do." "Hey, did Allie say what the curse would entail?" "No, she was very vague about it." "Well maybe I should get a closer look, you know?" "Just make sure everything's right, you know?" "Don't want to be growing a third nipple or something." "Don't even joke about that." "Oh, there seems to be a little, slight, swelling taking place." "That's totally normal and you know it, but please, continue." "Well, just don't just lay there." "Fondle or suckle or something." "Richard?" "Richard!" "Timber!" "Yee-hay!" "It's the clown rodeo circus!" "Wild ride, huh?" "You're my breast friend!" "Now who's the clown?" "Hey, you want to see something really funny?" "Yes!" "Is there something very phallic about this death, or it is just me?" "Now, wait, let me guess." "What kind of balloon animal are you?" "I got it!" "A dying mammal!" "Oh, Marcus!" "Oh my!" "Seriously?" "Okay!" "What are my opinions?" "A spell to conjure up an ice-cold bucket of water." "A spell to cause premature ejaculation." "A spell to put people on mute!" "Ah ha!" "A transference of emotions." "Allie and Fawn are just like glue." "What happens to one, happens to two." "Oh!" "He is a big boy." "Okay." "Okay, I'm feeling you." "Now you feel this!" "Ow!" "What is it?" "I don't know." "Never mind, just keep going." "No!" "Oh no, you don't." "Ow!" "That hurt!" "What did I do?" "You kicked me!" "No, I didn't." "Then who did?" "I didn't kick myself, you know." "Sorry." "Hello?" "Uh, no, she's a little busy with her boyfriend right now." "Ow!" "No biting!" "I didn't, I swear!" "What did you say about Dean Whitman?" "When?" "How?" "Oh my God," "Did..." "Did they find anything else in the office?" "No, not the gun..." "Uh, thanks for calling, Miriam." "I..." "I've got to go." "There you are, Dimpleface." "I've been looking everywhere for you!" "No, this is impossible!" "You're..." "In this form, the name's Bobo, but you can still call me 'Loverboy'." "Where you going?" "Bobo wants to play!" "Playing hard to get, you know?" "I always liked that game!" "Go away, please!" "I'm, I'm, I'm..." "I'm..." "Packing!" "'Packing.' Yeah, right." "There's no time for that!" "We have a big problem!" "Well, it's actually a small problem, but just..." "Open the door!" "Try someone else." "Nina, wake up!" "We're in danger." "Uh..." "Wear yourself out again?" "Oh, you finished your novel." "Good for you." "But you have to get up, right now!" "Oh my god, no." "They're dead!" "They're all dead!" "What are you talking about?" "All the girls, Nina, Kitty, Victoria." "They're all dead!" "Richard, too." "What?" "How?" "It's complicated." "Who's responsible?" "Dean Whitman." "Spiritually speaking." "What?" "I told you it's complicated." "Is this some kind of joke?" "I wish it was." "Show me the bodies." "Nina's in her room." "Kitty's in the bath." "Victoria and Richard are outside by the pool." "Why would Dean Whitman come here and kill everybody?" "Well, it isn't him, exactly." "Because technically, he's dead too." "She's right!" "It's not a joke." "See, I told you!" "Is Whitman still here?" "I locked him out." "But this place is 90% windows, and at his new size, he could have slipped in." "Okay, okay." "You guys stay up here." "You've got to call the police." "I'm gonna go downstairs and check it out." "Okay." "Don't want to put some clothes on before you go down there." "Yeah, you're right." "A guy running around in his underwear doesn't really seem too threatening." "You look good though." "Thanks, babe!" "So wait, back up!" "You said Dean Whitman was dead." "If that's true, then who killed everybody?" "This is where it gets complicated, and a bit metaphysical." "Allie, just spit it out!" "Do you believe when a person dies, their soul goes to heaven or hell?" "I mean, I don't know." "Maybe." "What does that have to do with anything?" "Dean Whitman blew his brains out yesterday, and I believe his spirit transferred into another body!" "Wait." "This isn't Whitman?" "It's Whitman's soul inside another form." "You're saying Dean Whitman possessed somebody." "No." "Transferred." "He's inside something that was never alive to begin with, so it couldn't really be a possession." "Wait." "Stick to the facts." "Okay?" "People are dead, and somebody killed them." "I need to know what I'm up against." "A 12-inch clown doll who answers to the name 'Bobo'." "Look at me." "The fact that I can say that with a straight face just proves the fact that this is actually happening no matter how utterly ridiculous it sounds." "Or you're crazy." "Transference spells work." "I can prove it." "What is it?" "What is it?" "Oh my god, I felt that!" "You felt what?" "Why, you little bitch!" "She just ran headfirst into the wall, and knocked herself out." "What is wrong with your sorority?" "You said it yourself, she's nuts." "And dangerous." "You think she killed everybody?" "Well, according to Miss Looney Tunes, we're the only ones left alive." "And I've been with you all afternoon." "So, who do you think did it?" "A 12-inch clown doll named Bobo, or contestant number two with her black magic voodoo crap?" "Since you put it that way," "I'm glad she's out of commission." "Yeah, but what do we do with her?" "We drag her in her room." "We lock it." "Okay." "Okay, you call the police, and I'm going to go downstairs and see if she's telling the truth about Richard and Victoria." "Okay?" "I left my cell phone downstairs." "Mine too." "What about the landline?" "Also downstairs." "Okay, stay close." "No dial tone." "She must have cut the line." "She wasn't lying about Richard and Victoria." "I know I left my cellphone around here somewhere." "Oh no." "I found our cell phones." "Now what?" "Now the fun really begins!" "If I knew you were coming, I'd have baked a cake." "Marcus!" "But a pie will have to do!" "It couldn't have hurt that bad." "It's just a pie!" "Trust me, that ain't cherry." "Hey, first time a guy's been screwed by a pie!" "Eenie, meenie, miny, Moe, catch a tiger by the toe!" "If she hollers, don't let go!" "Unless she beats the crap out of you with her foot, because you're only 12 inches tall!" "Okay, it's time to up my game!" "Think I've hit my head a little too hard." "Who locked me in here?" "Marcus did." "We thought you were the crazed killer." "Oh, he did, did he?" "Where is he?" "I'm going to kill him!" "He's dead." "Oh." "Awkward." "Your killer clown doll got to him!" "It's killed everybody." "Calm down." "We're still alive and we can stop him." "Let me look through my spell book." "Allie!" "Haven't you done enough with this occult stuff?" "It's obviously gotten out of hand!" "No, Fawn." "It's entirely in my hand." "It has been from the beginning." "Don't touch me." "And don't touch yourself either!" "How..." "How did you do that?" "Transference spell, like I said!" "I was trying to explain to you, the spirit of the dead Dean is downstairs in that clown doll trying to kill everybody!" "What?" "Because of me and these spells." "You." "You." "You!" "You are behind all of this?" "In a roundabout way..." "We don't have time to talk about that right now." "Oh, I have time." "That's a strong door, and it is a tiny doll." "You need to start at the beginning." "Remember when I pledged the sorority last fall?" "You don't have to go back that far." "Actually, I do." "You know the prank where we stole Dean Whitman's car?" "Yes." "And you told us a few months back that he was starting to suspect it was our sorority and he was giving you a hard time?" "Yes, I was telling Marcus about that earlier." "Well, I took it upon myself to help you," "I cast a little spell on him." "A spell?" "Just a small infatuation spell." "On me." "We've been having an affair for the past three months." "Ew!" "You've been sleeping with Dean Whitman?" "Well, not sleeping." "Everything else, but, definitely not sleeping." "You look really good in my glasses." "Thank you." "You look pretty good, period." "So he did all of this because of a love spell?" "Lust spell." "Love and the dark forces do not mix." "But sexual manipulation is very easy." "And it was fun for a while." "You know, there are advantages to being with a dean." "He can alter transcripts, change grades..." "You know, the perks to having the head of a college in your pocket." "You mean 'in your pants'?" "Yeah, well..." "It got old." "And I started developing feelings for someone else." "I broke up with him yesterday." "But breaking up with someone under a lust spell can be difficult." "You have to dissolve the spell, which is why I sent him this transference doll." "It's supposed to bind with its owner, and take in all of his artificial emotions." "Lust can trigger rage, if not treated properly." "He should have gone back to normal within 10 minutes and forgotten all about his crush for me." "So, what happened?" "He didn't wait long enough for the transference of his emotional state to get into the doll." "He took out a gun, and..." "So, I'm guessing that not only his emotions, but his departing soul bound with the clown doll." "And he came back here to, what, get his revenge?" "Something like that." "But why kill all the others if he's just obsessed with you?" "He's pissed off with the world." "He's in the body of a clown doll under a lust spell." "He probably starts killing whenever he gets aroused." "Which actually makes sense." "His lust would trigger his rage, especially since he can't really physically do anything about it." "Think about it." "I'd rather not." "No, seriously." "Look at the murders." "He went after Kitty when she was taking a bath." "Watching her probably got him all hot and bothered." "Nina was in bed with her vibrator." "It's not hard to guess what she was up to when Bobo assaulted her." "Victoria and Richard were making out by the pool when he went after them." "Allie, this is insane!" "I know, right." "But it's happening!" "You did this." "You created a 12-inch monster!" "I didn't do it on purpose." "I was trying to end it." "Break things off." "Right, because you fell in love with somebody else." "That 'Cliff' guy." "There isn't any Cliff, Fawn!" "I fell in love with..." "With you." "Excuse me?" "I've had feelings for you ever since I first saw you." "That's why I joined the sorority." "That's why I cast a spell on Dean Whitman!" "To help you!" "I thought he would back off if he was having an affair with one of the girls in the sorority!" "Whoa." "I think I need some air." "And then you started seeing Marcus, and you went off to Cancun together, and all the little hints I was giving didn't even pay off." "Hints?" "What do you mean hints?" "Haven't you've been having some dreams lately?" "Some erotic dreams..." "About me?" "No." "No?" "What about a couple days ago, when you had a sudden, spontaneous..." "How do you know about that?" "It was me." "I got carried away." "No!" "Nobody could possibly know about that." "I told you sex spells are the one thing I'm good at." "Look what I did with Nina!" "She went from a workaholic to a sexaholic." "You did that?" "All she did was study, study, study." "I just..." "I opened her eyes, and increased her libido." "A lot." "We should have never let you join our sorority." "You are a sexual predator!" "I am not." "I only want to be with one person from now on!" "You." "Don't..." "We're connected, I feel what you feel and you feel whatever I want." "No, don't." "No, stop." "What, you don't want to feel good?" "Come on, don't be like that." "There's a spell in here that will make your toes curl." "I tried it once, I couldn't walk for two days!" "No I'm better off with the killer clown doll!" "Fawn, don't go out there!" "It's not safe!" "Come back inside." "We can figure out how to get the spirit out of the doll and then discuss our future relationship." "We don't have a relationship." "I am in love with Marcus!" "Marcus is dead." "You need to let it go and move on." "Not with you." "Now, where were we?" "Leave her alone, you bastard!" "You're mine, baby, and I'm not going to let this tart get between our love!" "If you kill her, I will never forgive you, and we are officially over!" "I thought you said we were already over." "I was just testing you." "To see how far you'd go for love." "I killed myself and came back as a clown!" "Isn't that proof enough?" "Yeah, it is." "Just drop the knife, and I'll let you..." "Stick me with something else." "No!" "Eww!" "If he sticks you, he sticks me!" "Well, that is quite a twisted three-way." "Girl, girl, clown doll." "Kinky!" "We have a problem here." "The clown doll..." "Isn't exactly equipped with all the proper accessories." "Well you're about..." "12 inches, now." "I can work with that." "You keep your perverted fetishes away from me!" "Noooo!" "I'll always love you." "I love you too, Dimpleface." "Hey, wait a second..." "It doesn't hurt anymore!" "Oh, her death broke the spell!" "I'm free!" "You!" "You're the one behind all of this." "She ruined my life because of you!" "No!" "She never loved me." "She was only using me to get to you!" "No, I never loved her." "She was crazy!" "So you're saying I died for no reason whatsoever?" "I..." "I..." "No one ever asked you to kill yourself or come back as a clown and murder six people!" "You cannot blame this on me!" "I can do anything I want." "I'm a 12-inch killer clown doll with no genitals and a huge sex drive." "That would drive anyone psychotic!" "That is a valid argument." "You're dead, sister!" "I'm Bobo, the clown." "Let's play!" "No!" "Ever been tied up with silly string?" "Now, this is the greatest show on earth!" "And for my next act," "Human Shish Kebab, bitch!" "Got you!" "How do you like your new home, Pottymouth?" "Nothing left to say?" "No last words?" "I know what you're trying to do." "You want me to think you're not under there so that I lift the pot and you can escape." "Well!" "You can't trick me." "Nice try, Nitwit." "What's the matter?" "Nothing left to say?" "No last words?" "Dean Whitman..." "Call me Bobo." "Nobody calls Whitman a clown, even if it's true." "Bobo, I never meant you any harm." "None of us did!" "Right." "I was just a prank." "A joke." "Well, you know us clowns, we'll do anything for a laugh." "Even slit a bimbo's throat." "It'll be a shame to paint that nice, perky chest of yours blood red." "Then don't do it!" "Don't do it." "I can..." "I can offer you something better!" "Oh yeah?" "Like what?" "Well, I can do everything Allie did for you!" "More, probably!" "Much, much more." "Miss McBride, are you trying to seduce me?" "You know, I have always had this fantasy of..." "You know, doing it with a clown." "Really?" "Ooh, tell me more!" "Well, you know those big floppy shoes that clowns always wear?" "Yes." "Well, I always thought, what if their feet are really that big?" "So?" "So, you know what they say about guys with big feet, it correlates with the size of their..." "Oh, I'm starting to see the picture." "And those baggy pants that you always wear," "I figured that you were wearing them because..." "You had something under there that you didn't want the children to see." "You've got a dirty imagination, Miss McBride!" "I do, Bobo." "I'm so sorry." "Don't be sorry." "I like it." "I'm kind of dirty myself." "Would you like me to wash you off?" "You want to bathe me?" "Hmm." "Well, you are sort of covered in dirt and grass and Allie's blood." "I actually washed up earlier." "You should have seen what I looked like after I got through Nina." "You mean through with Nina?" "No, I said what I meant." "Oh, yes." "Killing people must be so hard." "Especially when you're my size." "Ooh, ooh, ooh." "What are you doing?" "Just turning on the water." "Not too hot, not too cold." "I like it just right." "Oh, it feel so good." "You want to give it a go?" "Okay, but don't try anything funny!" "You're the only clown here." "Ahhhhh..." "You like that?" "Yeah." "Yes!" "Maybe I misjudged you, Miss McBride." "Wouldn't count on it." "Hell yeah!" "Who got the last laugh now?"