"♪" "[Snoring softly]" "[Both grunting]" "[Groans softly]" "Whoa." "Heh-heh." "Check it out." "What happened?" "Whoa, look." "There's little turds everywhere." "Heh-heh." "Uh... cool." "Huh-huh." "Huh." "Let's see here." "Um..." "Huh-huh." "I think these are rat turds." "Yep." "These are definitely rat turds." " Uh..." " Heh-heh." "Okay, Beavis." "Mm-hmm." "[Clatter]" "Whoa, there it is." "Huh-huh." "Huh-huh." "Hey, it's eating our nachos!" "Aah!" "No!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Damn it." "Get out of there, butthole!" "I'll kick your ass." "Ah, damn it." "That son of a bitch ate our nachos!" "That's right, Beavis." "And that is a crime for which it must be punished." "Yeah, yeah, heh." "Yeah, to death!" "Heh-heh, yeah." "This is gonna be cool." "Yeah." "[Both laughing]" "♪ Has it been a day or a week?" "♪" "♪ as my eyes begin to close ♪" "♪ I am walking in my sleep ♪" "[Both laughing]" "You like this." " Shut up, Butt-Head!" " No, I don't." "Beavis, I just saw you tapping your foot." "She's making me nervous." "It's, like, freaking me out." "Sometimes I tap my foot when I'm nervous." "And sometimes I, like, you know, hum along too." "Whoa." "[Laughs]" "This is kinda freaky." "Yeah." "See what I mean?" "Heh-heh." "This is one of those art-school chicks that, like, you could probably score with them if you just told 'em all their ideas are really good." "Yeah, that's probably how she made this video." "She just, like, got some rich guy and told him all her ideas, and he was, like," ""ooh, yeah." Heh-heh." "Yeah, she's, like, uh, "I want a unicorn," ""but then I'm gonna tear the horn off him and put it on my head." Huh-huh." "Yeah, very good." "Yeah." "Heh-heh." "Have another drink and continue." "And then I also want my brother to tap dance." "Yeah." "Heh-heh, he's really good." "Heh-heh, heh-heh." "The rich guy's probably, like, uh," ""these are all great ideas, but, uh, I think it would be really, like, empowering if you took off your clothes and jumped off a cliff."" "[Both laughing]" "And he's, like, "and if you want," "I could help you become a citizen."" ""I don't think I can help your brother, though."" "[Both laughing]" "This is why hot girls shouldn't keep a dream journal." "[Both laughing]" "Oh, boy." "[Both chuckling]" ""Tool."" "[Both laughing]" "Got a rat problem, do ya?" "[Chuckles]" "Uh... yeah." "[Both chuckling]" "He ate our nachos." "[Spanish accent] And for that, he must die." "[All chuckling]" "Yes, sir." "Oh, yeah, believe me." "[All chuckling]" "My favorite is the classic spring-loaded trap." " Uh, okay." " Sounds good, heh-heh." "Oh, yeah." "That's some good stuff." "[Laughing] Yeah." "And once you catch him, that's when the fun really starts." "[Chuckling]" " Huh-huh." " Heh." "Okay." "Heh-heh." "You boys need some matches or some pliers with that?" "Uhh, no, thanks." "You boys should come by and see me sometime." "[Chuckles]" "[Squeaks]" "Aah!" "Ow!" "Son of a bitch!" "Dumbass." " Ow!" " Here, I'll do it." "You hold the trap." "Hm, okay." "Aah!" "Damn it, Beavis, you keep screwing it up." "Huh-huh." "Step aside." "[Grunting]" "Put this..." "Aah!" "Heh-heh-heh." "Aah!" "Damn it." "[Wacky country music]" "Aah!" "Agh!" "Ow!" "Damn it!" "Agh!" "Aah!" "Ah!" "Ah!" "I'm gonna kick your ass!" "Agh!" "Aah!" "Uh... cool." "Huh-huh." "I think we got it." "Um, heh, okay." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "You know, just put this here." "Heh-heh-heh." "Aah!" "Huh-huh." "Heh-heh." "Heh-heh." "Oh, yeah." "Heh-heh." "Huh-huh-huh." "[Both laughing]" "Yeah, we got you now." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "Shh." "Uh... go check the trap, Beavis." "Huh?" "Um, heh." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "Okay." "♪ Buh-buh-bow ♪" "♪ buh-bum-bum ♪" "♪ uhh uhh ♪" "Heh-heh-heh." "Why'd I come in here again?" "Heh." "Ooh, nachos!" "Heh-heh-heh." "[Snap] Oww!" " Huh-huh." " Ah, damn it!" "Damn it!" "Ow!" "Heh-heh-heh." "Uh... what's that noise?" "Huh-huh." "Huh?" "Heh." "[Tapping]" "I don't know." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "Go see what that noise is, Beavis." "Huh-huh." "It's in the kitchen." "Heh." "Okay." "Heh-heh-heh." "It's probably the garbage disposal." "Heh, yeah." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Butt-head!" "Butt-head, come here!" "It's... it's alive!" "Aah!" "It's..." "It's caught in the..." "Caught in the trap!" "Aah!" "No!" "Aah!" "Aah!" " I'll get it." " No!" "Get out of here, butthole!" "[Squeaks]" "Aah!" "Eh!" "This is freaking me out." "Get out of here!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Get it off!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Ow!" "That was cool." "Ow, heh." "Damn it." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "Uh, I think this rat likes you or something." "'Cause you, like, saved his life." "Yeah, it's pretty cool, yeah." "Heh-heh." "How's it goin'?" "Heh-heh." "Uh, what should we do with it?" "Huh-huh." "Um, I don't know, like, maybe, like, keep it as a pet or something?" "Uh, okay." "Huh-huh." "Boy, Beavis, that rat dude really likes you, huh-huh." "He must be like a metrosexual or something." "Shut up, butthole!" "[Sizzling]" "There you go, heh." "That's a good boy." "Make yourself at home." "Heh-heh, yeah." "[Squeaking]" "Uh, yeah, I'd like a double cheeseburger and large fries, please." "Uh, ok." "[Register beeping] Huh-huh." "And how are you today?" "Huh-huh." "All right, boy, come on." "Move aside." "Good boy." "Yeah, heh-heh." "Okay, all yours." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "Is it gonna be long?" "Huh-huh." "You said, "long."" "Yeah, yeah." "Heh-heh. "Long."" "Huh-huh." "Yeah, heh-heh." "Ah, here you go." "Aww." "Looks like we got some company." "Aah!" "A rat!" " Aw." " Yeah." "He really likes fries." "Aah!" "Yeah, and he seems to like the buns too, yeah." "I'm gonna report this." "This is a health violation." "Yeah, huh-huh." "The food here sucks." "Huh-huh-huh-huh." "Yeah, really." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "♪" "Whoa!" "Cool." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I like watching people fall down on tv." "Funny." "Heh-heh, heh-heh." "Yeah, it's like if he was just falling down stairs, it would be over fast." "But with an escalator, it just keeps going." "You know, it'd be funnier if he was fat, but you know, this is still pretty cool." "Yeah." "This rules." "Huh-huh." "I could watch this forever." "Huh-huh." "I don't think he really even wants to get up the escalator." "Maybe if he'd go buy something instead of monkeying around on the escalator the economy wouldn't suck." "Yeah, yeah." "Come on..." "Get off your butt and get up that escalator and go buy a cinnabon!" "Heh-heh." "Maybe some dipping' dots." "Dippin' dots, yeah." "Heh-heh, heh-heh." "See... see, right here, during this part, they should be playing some, like, uh, you know, some old-timey piano music, you know." "[Hums lively piano riff]" "[Both laughing]" "His kid's probably, like," ""uh, where's daddy with my birthday presents?"" "Huh-huh." "He's drunk at the mall again, flailing around on the escalator." "[Both laughing]" "[Both laughing]" "[Door opens]" "What the hell is going on?" "I just got a call saying there was a rat in here?" "Yeah, check it out." "It pooped everywhere." "[Both laughing] Oh, God." "I'll have to call the exterminator." "Heh, yeah, we had to throw out all those traps you had, you know?" "Heh, he almost died." "[Sighs] Okay, where... where's the rat now?" "Uh." "Well, I had him right here on the counter a minute ago." "I don't..." "It's not funny, guys." "Okay?" "This is very serious." "And now we're gonna have to throw away all the food." "Heh." "Here, boy." "Come on." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "Uh, here, rat." "Heh, here, boy." "Rat?" "Whoa." "Heh-heh." "Well, I guess it's, like, not a dude after all." "[Squeaking]" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "This is cool." "Heh." "Heh." "♪" "♪" "Class, this weekend, I'm organizing a trip down to the Gulf of Mexico." "As you are all well aware, this oil spill is a crisis of unprecedented proportion." "It's done great damage to the Wetlands." "[Both laughing] Gant tar balls are washing up all along the coast." "And then there's the birds." "It's too late for a lot of the older birds, but we can still rescue the chicks." "Uh, chicks?" "Yeah, I'm listening." "Yes, Butt-Head, so many of these poor chicks are dirty." "They're just filthy." "Whoa." "Filthy chicks." "Yeah, heh, yeah." "Filthy chicks." "Yes, and we need people to go down there and wash them." "Are there any volunteers?" "Uh, yeah." "Huh-huh." "Count me in." "Yeah, this weekend's good for me." "Oh, great." "Thank you, Beavis and Butt-Head." " Huh-huh." " Heh." "Filthy chicks." "Yeah, yeah." "Heh." "[Both laughing]" "This is gonna be cool." "Heh, boing-oing-oing-oing." "[Both laughing]" "♪" "We in trouble." "We're about to go to jail." "Hey, is my hair messed up?" "You look wonderful." "The music's always horrible in these shows." "Yeah." "Huh-huh." "♪ Best friends, best friends, best friends ♪" "Huh-huh, huh-huh." "I got a beautiful girlfriend." "Oh, my God, I hope she don't bail on me tonight after this [bleep]." "My dad's gonna whup my ass, period." "His dad knows that he's a dumbass." "I think they're being a little too hard on themselves." "I mean..." "I mean, they're not that dumb." "Yeah, really." "I mean, they figured out how to get booze." "And that one dude said he has a girlfriend." "Huh-huh." "Plus, like, once you go to jail, you can get all the chicks you want." "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, chicks are, like," ""ooh, he's been to jail." "Heh, check him out."" "Heh-heh, heh-heh." "You're human, I'm human." "I've learned, he's learned." "Okay, yeah, yeah." "Yeah, he's learned." "Come on, we haven't learned!" "Come on, teach us!" "Where did you get the booze, and how did you get the girlfriend?" "Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh." "These guys are just so cool." "Yeah, it's like we're sitting here on the couch, and they're out there making it happen." "Yeah." "Heh-heh, heh-heh." "Yeah, it's like they're doing things and getting girlfriends and booze." "Yeah, see, we need to get up off our butts and go figure things out and do stuff like Roger and John here." "Yeah." "Heh-heh, heh-heh." "Yeah." "Huh-huh." "Finally, MTV's putting on some, like, inspirational shows." "Heh-heh." "Yeah." "Heh-heh." "Officer Wickham's gonna give 'em both a cavity search." "[Both laughing]" "Thanks for coming, guys." "It's always great to have new volunteers looking to help out." "Yeah, we're just here for the chicks." "Heh, yeah, the filthy ones." "All right, now, before we get started, you have to learn how to do it right." "Huh-huh-huh-huh." "Here's a beautiful one." "Now, watch me closely." "Once you're ready, you can start rubbing and stroking." "Uh... okay." "Whenever you put that bird down." "Yeah, heh, yeah." "Let me in there." "Rub all over, okay?" "Start with the breast." "That's the most sensitive area." "And once they're clean, the chicks relax and the rest becomes much easier." "Not yet." "I know you're eager." "But you have to take your time." "The whole thing should take about a half an hour." "That's right, baby." "Huh-huh-huh-huh." "Nice and slow." "Oh, yeah." "Uh, Maya, sorry to bug you, but Mitch threw up again." "Can't say I blame him." "Boys, are you ready to get really dirty?" "Heh, yeah." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "I mean filthy." "Uh, Maya..." "I don't think there's anything too filthy for me." "Heh, yeah, yeah." "Me neither, heh." "[Chuckles] You two." "Okay, now, usually when we do this, you end up covered in oil." " Huh-huh." " Heh-heh." "Usually, when I do this..." "I mean, I've never done it, but, I mean, when I think about doing it..." "I end up covered in lotion, so, you know, heh, it's no problem." "Hey, where's she going?" "Uh, she's gonna go clean up that dude's barf." "Heh." "Wow, heh." "Well, you know..." "Whatever she's into, you know?" "We better have some oil ready for when she gets back." "Heh, oh, yeah." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "Oh, check it out, Butt-Head." "That bird's got oil all over it." "The oil spill in the Gulf isn't just hurting people." "It's hurting plants and animals, which are two other kinds of life." "But it's not all bad news." "Which brings us to this week's local hero," "Maya Kanigher." "She's leading the effort to clean the many baby birds damaged by this spill." "When I saw what was happening to the birds here..." " Mm." " I knew I had to act to save the chicks." "Mm." "Wait, to save the, uh..." "The baby birds?" "Oh, right, right." "Maya has organized an assembly line of young idealists who gather the birds, clean them, and dry them." "These young volunteers are certainly doing their part." "Yeah, well, um, heh." "So this is like, um, this is, like, oil." "Yeah... and we're covered in it." "And we're gonna do it." "Yeah." "Heh-heh." "Boi-oi-oi-oing." "[Both laughing]" "That is an inspiring sentiment." "We are all going to do it." "We are all going to do it." "Get in line, dude." "Back to you, Gina." "[Police radio chatter]" "Whoa, they arrested Snooki?" "Heh-heh-heh." "[Crying] Is this really happening right now?" "Heh-heh." "[Mocking her] "Is this really happening right now?"" "She sounds like that little kid that went to the dentist on Youtube." "They just arrested Nicole." "For what?" "For being drunk and an idiot!" "Wait a minute, you can get arrested for being an idiot?" "Yeah." "Huh-huh." "You better lay low for a while, Beavis." "Uh, so she's in jail?" "So she's not DTF?" "Huh-huh." "What about you guys?" "Any of you DTF?" "Huh-huh." "Where is she?" "Hello?" "Jersey Shore." "How can I help you?" "Huh-huh-huh." "[On phone] Uh, okay." "Well..." "Listen, you got something to deal with right now." "Boy, her boyfriend talks like a wuss." "Yeah, really." "Heh-heh-heh-heh." "Okay?" "So you couldn't do it on a four-second phone call?" "Like, who are you?" "Okay, heh-heh." ""Who are you?" "Are you DTF?"" "Heh-heh-heh." "This is a bad situation." "The cops thought she was a seal." " Get off!" "Get off!" " Huh-huh-huh-huh." "Get the [bleep] off!" "I couldn't even tell you how I felt in that jail cell." "It was like a [bleep] phenomenon." " Uh..." " Oh, not a phenomenon." "A [bleep] train wreck." "Yeah, phenomenon, train wreck." "I get those two confused too, yeah." "You need to understand what you're doing to yourself and your body." "Uh, all the guys in the house know what they're doing to her body." "[Both laugh]" "You should bury your head in the sand." "Promise yourself that you'll never put yourself in that position again." "Um, heh." ""You're breaking up, dad."" ""I'm, heh, I'm just gonna go ahead and hang up now, um, heh."" ""Talk to you later."" "[Both laughing]" "That's a father for you." ""I'm disappointed in you."" "That's like, [raspberry]." "That word "disappoint" really [bleep] hurts the heart." "Hurts the heart?" "No, it doesn't." "People say they're disappointed in me all the time." "Yeah, heh-heh." "Doesn't bother me." "Yeah." "Me, neither." "Heh-heh." "Okay, you guys ready to get that oil off you?" "Uh, nice try." "Just move along." "Yeah, heh, nothin' for you here." "Keep it movin'." "Damn it, Beavis, get out of the way." "That's my oil." "No, it's mine!" "Bunghole!" "Now look what you did." "[Pelican quacking]" "Butt-head, it's your fault!" "It's mine!" "You okay?" "Yeah..." "It's just to get a little upsetting sometimes." "I mean, look at this pathetic creatures covered in oil." "They're too poor for this world." "Butt-hole!" "Now look at them: no parents, no real home, no future..." "I mean, it's absolute worth what the men can be produced." "I look at them and I think:" ""There's no hope."" ""What can one person do?"" "It can't make it a difference." "Beavis, Butt-Head!" "I hope, that you didn't just here me spewing doubts and despondency." "Huh, I'm covered in oil." "Yes, you are." "You both are." "And you're even think about giving up, because you're believe in what we're doing." "You know, we're making a difference." "Do you think I'm making a difference?" "Uh, you're making a difference." "In my pants."