"This hero you speak of, he doesnt happen to have a name, does he?" "No." "The Athosian who spoke to me of his deeds simply referred to him as a "Great Hero of the town. "" "A warrior who possesses almost superhuman-like powers." " Well, weve sent teams to this planet before." " Theyre good traders and kind people." "I dont recall there being many superheroes." " Sounds like one of my people." " Well, whoever it is, itd be nice to have someone like that on our side." "Provided the rumours true." "Sounds to me like someones imaginations running a little wild." "As I said, my fellow Athosian who spoke to me of this hero saw him in action against several armed men." " I do that all the time." " Wheres McKay?" "I just had to get my autograph book in case" "Teylas superhero turned out to be the real deal." "Well, at the very least, see if you can establish trade relations with the townspeople." "We will." "Dial the Gate." " My childhood hero was Evel Knievel." " Was he not evil?" "No, that was just his name." "He was a daredevil... which isnt a kind of a devil, he just jumped motorcycles over things." "Why?" "Just because." "Didnt always make it, either." "And you greatly admired this behaviour?" "No, I just..." "Look, at least my hero is human." "McKays is Batman!" "Mmm." "Misunderstood and un-appreciated by many, his most formidable weapon was the power of his brilliant mind." "Not just a hero." "A superhero." "Dougie Angus Wood, the Highland Giant." "Not only a hero but a legend in Scotland." "The Marke Hartoren, my first unit commander." "He once fought and killed twelve enemy soldiers, gutting them with his bare hands." "He was also a funny guy, too!" "Yes, I can imagine the jokes and the entrail slime." " Good day, travellers." " Good day to you." "This is your first visit to our village?" "Several of my people have said that you are good and fair traders." "We are." "My fellow Athosians also speak of a great hero who protects this town." "Rumour has it hes a warrior with some impressive kills to his credit, including the Wraith." "This is true." "Then, uh, theres a good chance he is one of my people." "Can you take us to him?" "Of course." "This way." "Here he is;" "the mightiest of heroes." "Our champion protector..." "Lucius Luvin." "Well!" "Will you look who it is?" "!" "Youve got to be kidding me!" "Transcript By:" "Callie Sulivan Stargate Atlantis - 3x13 Irresponsible" "Encoded By:" "Ascend2012" "As I lay there, the iratus bugs tendrils just grasping my throat choking me," "I could feel my very life essence ebb and wane." "With every passing second, I could feel myself drawing closer to death." "Now, had I been the only one in that building the only one in that burning building..." "I would have surrendered - and allowed sleep to overtake me." "But there were women and children there with me whose very survival lay in my hands, and Im not about to let them down." "So I reached deep down within me and I summoned whatever strength I had and I grabbed that bug and I ripped him away, and through sheer force of will I began to choke him and strangle... ow, ow" " Thought you said that wasnt gonna hurt!" " I lied." "And I, I sprang up and I led them all to safety." "Thank you very much!" "Thank you!" "I appreciate it." "Thanks very much." "How?" "What?" " Howd you lead the people to safety?" " You said the way out was blocked." "Oh, you were listening." "Thats good, thats good, because it was." "It was blocked... until " "I cleared a path through the burning wreckage and..." "Ignoring the searing heat and the flames that were just swirling..." " and swirling..." " But how did you, uh...?" "OK." "Thats enough reminiscing for today." "Believe me, theres plenty more where that story came from, so when we gather tomorrow," "Ill tell you about how I was almost seduced by a beautiful Ancient!" "Sounds entertaining." "Yeah, youd think so, but between you and me, not so much." "You know, your stories are awfully fascinating, and familiar." "Alright." "I admit, I took some inspiration from some of the mission reports that I perused while I was on Atlantis, but I spiced em: a little story here, bit of a story there..." "Alright, Im done here." "Well, youre not gonna find any trace of that special herb in my system." "I learned my lesson the last time, thanks to all of you." "You mean these people are not drugged, they simply adore you for who you are?" "!" "Yeah." "Innit great?" "You dont believe me." "Well, Lucius, I have a lab set up, so I think Ill just run the tests anyway." "Youre wasting your time." "In all modesty, these people love me, pure and true." "Lucius, you cant say anything modestly!" "I saved them." "A couple of months ago this bunch of ruffians come into town, start causing trouble." "I beat em up, I chase em away, and all of a sudden Im the town hero." "They give me gifts;" "the women are throwing themselves at me Its like the old days, except better, because now theyre not drugged." " Hang on, hang on." "So you beat them up." " Yes!" "Me!" " I did!" " Howd you manage that?" "Its not so hard, when youre invincible." "Im invincible." "Right!" "Alright." "Looks like this is gonna take some convincing." "Let me see." "Hey!" "Time for a demonstration." "What is he...?" "Let it go." "Trust me." "Trust me." "Oh, my God!" "Hit me." " Dont!" " Come on." "I wouldnt!" "Im telling you, dont." "See?" "Invincible." "I cant be vinced." "As it turns out, I had this personal shield all along." "It was a gift from one of my many admirers back at the old village you know, before I was forced to pack up and leave, thank you very much" "Anyway, I didnt even know what it was until I went to Atlantis." "I perused some of the mission reports about the Ancient device that you guys discovered..." "You did an awful lot of perusing while you were on the base." "I peruse." "Its a gift." "Hey, sweetheart." "Whatd you say you come by my place tonight...?" " No thanks." " Wait, wait, wait, wait." " Im the town hero!" " That was ages ago." "Let me tell you something." "Youre only as good as your last rescue." "How is it that youre able to operate the Ancient technology without the A.T.A. gene?" "Oh, that was easy." "All I had to do was find a guy with the gene, have him initiate the device." "I mean, it took a long time but, you know, once it was done, I could activate this thing any time I wanted." "Fascinating." "You do know those things run out of juice eventually, dont you?" "Come on these Ancient things last forever." "Look, lunch is on me." "Im gonna go take a walk." "If I dont see you before you leave, well, then, Ill just, uh, well, Ill talk to you later." "Were not going anywhere til we get those test results." "Whatever you want." "People to save." "Well, what do you think?" " Perhaps hes learned a lesson." " Hes Lucius!" "Are you kidding me?" "Well, hes made a lot of mistakes in the past, but who hasnt?" "Why are you looking at me?" "Look, at least hes trying to do something good in order to get people to like him this time." "Well, Ive completed my tests." "Looks like Lucius is telling the truth." "No traces of the drug in his system." "Hes clean." " Thats our cue to leave." " Woah-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, wait." "Am I the only person here who thinks he is taking advantage of these poor people?" "Cmon, Rodney." "You just want another crack at that shield." "Youre damned right I do!" "Look, it could come in extremely handy." "Its practically wasting it!" " Wheres Lucius?" " He went out for a stroll." " He should be returning shortly." " Well, whenever he gets back, tell him we said goodbye." " Uh... um... alright." " I think were makin a mistake." "Well, well have the Athosians keep an eye on everyone." "If anything gets out of control, well come back." "Drop your weapons or die where you stand." "I said drop your weapons." "Were not lookin for a fight." "Were just passing through town." "Ive got two on my right and one straight dead ahead." "Two at twelve oclock and one behind the fruit stand." "If we act now, we risk injuring innocent villagers." "And us!" "We risk injuring us!" " I can take my three out before they get a shot off." " There may be others hidden where we cannot see." "Its your call." "Heres the thing:" "if we all start shootin at each other, somebodys bound to get hurt." "I can pretty much guarantee youll be one of em." "Are you this hero weve heard rumours of?" "No." "Come here." "Then lower your weapons." "Then lower your weapons." "Ok." " Sheppard?" " Trust me on this one." "So where is this hero?" "one whod surely stop us from emptying the towns coffers, helping ourselves to its women, burning it to the ground once were done?" "So tell me..." "Where is he?" "!" "Where is this great hero whod keep us from destroying everything you hold dear?" " Hes right here!" " Lucius!" "For I am the man you seek." "Kill him!" "Get out!" "And dont come back!" "For so long as I protect these people, this town shall be safe." "Lucius!" "Lucius!" "So I finish off the last Wraith guard, and I turn around and I look at the Queen and I say," ""You know, if you were 20 Ibs heavier, youd look like my ex-wife. "" "I said that cause she was so fat!" "Hey, Colonel Sheppard!" "Hey, come in!" "Sit down, sit down." "No, no, we have to go." "You sure?" "Because theyre making some kind of a schnitzel in my honour tonight." " No, weve gotta get back." " Oh." "Well, I guess the only thing left to do is for you to thank me." "What for?" "For saving your lives." "Thank you." "Please, it was nothing." " Yeah, it was nothing." " What are you talking about, it was nothing?" "These people had you on your knees." "Yes, they did." "Well?" "Youre welcome." "Be careful on the way back to the Gate, because theres talk of some angry raiders in the area!" "No, no, no, no." "Lets go." "You know what?" "I think Im gonna go out for a walk, take a look around... make sure those ruffians are gone for good, Alright?" "Dont you worry." "Ill be back." "Nice job, everybody!" " Very convincing." " A little too convincing." "You took out three of Lankos teeth and broke Fortnums wrist." "Hey, I had to make it look good." "Anyway, heres a little something that may make it worthwhile." " This isnt the amount we agreed on." " Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, you guys didnt really seem to have your hearts in it." "We had a deal." "Maybe next time youll make more of an effort." "How dare you speak down to us?" "We were elite soldiers in the Genii army." " Cowens personal guard." " Yeah, you were." "Now youre mercenaries." "Cmon as far as jobs for hire go, this wasnt so bad." "You come in, you scare a few people, you take a few punches, then you leave." "You get paid, nobody gets hurt... well, except for Lanko, and of course Fortnum with his gimpy wrist." "Sorry about that, buddy." "We may have been forced from our homes when Ladon Radim took power." "Were still Genii, and one of these days well march into the capital and retake what was ours." "Yeah, well, Good luck with that." "Please, come on!" "There you go, yeah!" "Anybody else?" "Anybody else wanna take a crack at me, huh?" "!" "Hey!" "Hey, what are you doing back here?" "I thought you left town?" "Well, we were leaving when we ran into this gentleman who has a very interesting story to tell." "Uh, speaking of stories, um... did I ever tell you the story about the time that I was on this planet made entirely of lava..." " Theres no point in pretending, Lucius." " You lied to these people." "This mans not a hero." "He paid those men to show up and then made it look like he came to your rescue." "Its true." "It was all a set-up to make him look like he saved the town." "Deceiver!" "Well, you do have every right to be upset with him." "Not him..." " You." " Me?" "Unable to accept the shame of surrendering to those raiders... he chooses to besmirch our Lucius." "The whole thing was an act!" "The guns werent even loaded!" "If it were not for Lucius, you and your friends would all be dead." "No, no!" "He tricked you!" "You dont know him like we do." "Were the good guys." "Listen," "I wanna apologise for the whole angry mob thing." "I suppose we should be grateful." "Yes, well, he did stop them from swarming us." "Just consider it my way of saying all is forgiven." " Alright, Im putting a stop to this." " Oh, cmon!" "They just got started!" "Im not talkin about the foot massage" " actually, I am talkin about the foot massage!" " Alright, alright." "Girls, come back later, alright?" " This little scam of yours..." " Scam?" " What scam?" " You are taking advantage of these people." "I know it looks that way, but I was being honest about that bunch of thugs that attacked this village a couple of months ago." "You know, this is a nice town, nice people, and they needed somebody to save em, so I did." "I was a hero!" " Now, todays incident..." " You mean performance." "It was just my way of reminding them of that fact, but I insisted the guns not be loaded so nobody would get hurt." " That was nice of you." " Yeah." "Then you had to go and figure it all out." "Youre goin out there right now and youre gonna come clean with these people." "Or else." "Or else what?" "No, you cant threaten me on account of my shield... and theyre not gonna believe you." "Hey, youre trying to figure out a way to hurt me, arent you?" "Yep." "Yeah." "Well, you keep thinkin, big boy, because..." "Its not me this time, I swear." "Kolya!" " The soldiers are Genii." "Theyre part of a..." " Oh, I know all about Kolya and the Genii." "When I was on Atlantis, I perused mission reports, right, right." " This is very bad." " No, no, this is great." "Thisll be a great opportunity for me to solidify my place in the community." " Theyre gonna give me a parade after this one!" " Hey, hang on!" "Youre not takin on Kolya and his men!" "Why not?" "They cant hurt me." "Ive got the personal shield." "And if they burn the town down around you out of spite?" " Well, thatd be petty of em." " Yeah, well, theyre like that." "Obviously somebody tipped them off that were here." "So go ahead... shoot him." "Thats a good idea." " Colonel, you cant." " This is Kolya." " The shooting will not stop them." " Shes right." "Well have to kill em all." " Im alright with that, by the way." " Good!" "Lets do it." " John?" " What?" " You cant." " Oh, Im pretty sure I can." "In fact..." "If we engage in open fire with them, then many of these townspeople will certainly be killed." "They do not deserve to die because of us." "If they search the town and cannot find us, then they will simply move on." "Nobody gets hurt." "Thats my vote, and my heartfelt recommendation." " You wanna hide." " Well, we could call it strategic concealment." " I got just the place." " Im sure you do!" "Here." "See, I like to entertain and on occasion a husbandll get angry, come lookin for his wife, so to avoid an awkward scenario..." "OK, we get it." "Ill let you know when the bad guys clear out." "Dont screw around, Lucius, alright?" "Tell em weve moved on." "Once they get out of town and theyre out in the open, well deal with it ourselves." "This is no time to be a hero, you understand?" " Perfectly." " Im serious." "I can see that!" "No heroics." "Alright, thats enough." "Take your men and get out." "This town is under my protection." "Is it?" "It is." "So youve got two choices:" "you can either leave, or Ill make you leave." "Interesting." "Is that the best you can do?" "As a matter of fact, no, it isnt." "I admit." "Ive got a shield." "but Ive got to breathe." "I should have thought of that." "Not so invincible now, are we, hero?" " You led them here?" " Theyve been looking for this Sheppard a long time." " We had a deal!" " I saw an opportunity and I took it." " No different to what you did with these villagers." " But I havent hurt anybody." "Alright, that guy Lanko, and the one with the gimpy wrist..." "Look, I dont wanna hurt you or anyone in this town." " All I want is Sheppard and his team." " But I told you, you missed em." "Look, maybe if you hurry, you can get em before they get to the Gate." "My men are already guarding the Gate." "Ill ask you once more: where are they?" "I dont know." "I dont!" "Well, then, well have to do a thorough job of searching the area, which could take hours." "How long can you hold your breath?" "Well, that didnt take too long." "Alright, lets get out of this town, set up a decent ambush without all these people around." "They werent there." "Really?" "Thats weird." "I wonder where they could have gone?" "That personal shield of yours is very interesting." "Yeah." "If we were to bury you alive, it would protect you from the weight of the soil, but you would still suffocate." "A fascinating way to die, dont you think?" "Gotta tell you, its not that fascinating to me." "It is to me." "Wait, wait." "You cant kill me." "Look, Im the perfect bait." "If Sheppard finds out that Im in trouble, hes gonna come rescue me." " Were really close." " You and Sheppard?" "Yes." "I dont think so." "Then Weir, or Rodney, or Carson." "Were like the best of friends." " And how is it you know them so well?" " I spent some time in Atlantis." "Its the nicest place Ive ever been, best time I ever had." "Its like, I remember like I was there this morning." "Tell me more." "So I finish off the last Wraith guard and" "I turn to the Queen and I say," "I say, "If you were twenty pounds heavier, youd look like my ex-wife!"" "Course, my ex-wife was a knock-out but, you know, wheres the funny in that?" "!" "You know, that personal shields amazing." "You mind if I try it?" " Yeah, go ahead, go ahead." " Ill give it right back." "Got ya!" "What, you think Id let you have this?" "!" " Youd kill me right on the spot!" " Yeah, Id slit your throat from ear to ear." "Good times!" "Good times!" "As much as I love hearing about your former wives, Lucius," "Id rather hear more about what you know of Atlantis." " I told you everything already." " In that case, its getting late and I could use some rest..." "before the funeral." "Funeral?" "Oh, no." "Oh, no, no, dont bury me alive, please," "You know what?" "Nobody deserves that!" "I dont deserve that." "I deserve banishment!" "Thats what I de..." "Lucius?" " What are you doing here?" " Kolyas got all the exits out of town covered" " and rumour has it they were gonna bury you alive." " I cant believe it!" "You came to save me?" "Yeah, well neither can I. Lets go." "I cant, I cant." "Im tied into the chair." "Oh no!" " Good luck with that shield!" " Hey, what?" "Cmon, untie me." "Ow!" "What, are you crazy?" "!" "You could have killed me!" "That shield of yours impresses me more and more." "You did your part, Lucius." "You get to live another day." " Sheppard?" " He got away." "Thats unfortunate." " Thanks for sparing me, Sir." " Dont disappoint me again." "Secure the prisoners." "Perhaps theyll be more effective bait." "Get this fixed." "Do you think he got away?" "If theyd captured the colonel, wouldnt he be here with us?" "Hell be back in a Jumper in no time." "Your friend escaped the village." "Theyre still looking for him." "If they havent found him yet, chances are he managed to slip the perimeter." "Yes." "He and Lucius are no doubt plotting our rescue as we speak." " Lucius?" " He would not abandon us." "Oh, sure he wouldnt, just like he wouldnt sell us out while we were trying to rescue him." " He would never do that." " OK, you know what?" "Just stop it, alright?" "Lucius is not a superhero." " Batman: thats a superhero." " I dont understand." "Your people cannot place their future in Lucius hands." "The time has come for you to save yourselves." "We have no hope of defeating these soldiers." " You will with our help." " Then why did you not do so before?" " We were concerned for the safety of the village." " Now we dont care." "OK, just pretend he didnt say that, and then just let us out of here." "No." "Its too dangerous." "Best to wait for Lucius to return, then hell save us all." "No, wait!" "Lucius isnt a hero!" "Dont." "Dont." "Dont." "I swear I didnt know about the bomb." "I dont know what those guys were doing under the table." " How the hell did you get out here?" " Everybodys looking for you." "I just walked out unnoticed." "Isnt that something?" "So what are we gonna do?" "What are we gonna do?" "!" "Well, Ill tell you what Im gonna do." "Im gonna get by Kolyas men so I can get to the Gate and call for reinforcements." "Reinforcements?" "What dyou say we just get off this planet?" " My team is back there!" " Yeah, so is the guy who wants to bury me alive." "Oh, youre done playing hero now, are you?" "Fine." "You can leave as soon as we get to the Gate." "Just keep up." " Youre angry, arent you?" " Shut up." "See?" "Thats anger." "Rodney, youre not tryin to dig your way out of here, Are you?" "See if you can find another spoon." "With someone helping, this would go twice as fast." "Someones coming." "I have to give Colonel Sheppard credit." "No opponents ever caused me this much trouble." " Unfortunately, Im going to have to kill him." " Thats funny." "He says the same thing about you." "Really?" "Im flattered." " But you cant kill him if you cant catch him." " I will, eventually." "And what about us, huh?" "How do we fit into your evil plans for galactic domination?" "Youll be allowed to stay alive for the time being... unless you were stupid enough to eat the meal you were served." "Im just kidding." "Oh, Thank God." "In fact, I intend to send you back to Atlantis in exchange for a few things." "Theres no way Doctor Weir would cut a deal with you, even if our lives were in danger." "You know that." "In the past I may have been a little too ambitious with my demands." "This time, however, I have no intention of backing Doctor Weir into a corner." "After all, whats a small number of your P90s, a few grenades and some ammunition in exchange for your lives?" "And, who knows?" "If were successful in toppling Ladon and I assume rightful leadership of the Genii," " We could end up allies." " Thats not gonna happen, Kolya." "While were standing here having this little chat, theres no doubt Colonel Sheppard has reached the Stargate and contacted Atlantis." "In just a matter of minutes, this village will be swarming with our people." "And I can guarantee you thats not going to happen either." "I dont believe this." "Isnt that the worst thing you could imagine?" "Colonel Sheppard?" "Im going to assume you can hear me." "Im also going to assume that if you havent reached the Gate by now, you soon will, so I wanna save you some trouble." "My men have secured the Gate." "Theres no way youre getting through." "Come back and face me, Colonel..." "or Ill start killing your friends." "Which one of them shall we kill first?" "Im leaning toward Doctor McKay, myself." "Colonel?" " Kolya, this is Sheppard." "Im comin back." " Dont keep me waiting." "Thats what this is all about?" "Killing Sheppard?" "Absolutely, Doctor McKay." "But dont feel left out." "If I dont get those weapons from Doctor Weir, I fully intend to kill you as well." " Im coming with you." " You sure?" "No." "Um... yeah, I am, I am." "Im coming with you... just..." " Yes or No?" " I..." "Dont pressure me like this!" "Im gonna come with you..." " Make up your mind!" " and Ill help you out, OK?" "Oh, boy." "Theyd better give me a parade for this one." "What's going on?" "Out!" "Lets go!" "Im just spit-balling here: what if we hugged each other and the device would... would, uh, you know, help us, uh." " I dont like that idea." " No, I know, I dont think..." " And its not possible." "Yeah, it doesnt work that way." "OK, OK:" "What if I swung from a clock tower on a long rope right into town?" " And?" " I dunno." "Thats all I have." " I could set myself on fire." " I like that." "OK." "Um, I could run naked." "Oh, I know, I know!" "What if I got on your shoulders and we have a cloak that they its some religious thing... they could be afraid of giants..." "OK, what if we build a tunnel, OK?" "We could tunnel..." "Or a boulder." "A huge boulder." "Im camouflaged, Im protected, now the boulder protects you..." "Or, um" " A magnifying glass and some tape..." " I have an idea, Lucius." "Some poisoned tape!" " Lucius!" " I knew youd return to save us." "Ive returned, but you people," " Youre gonna have to save yourselves." " What?" " You do not wish to help us?" " Oh, no, no, no, of course I wanna help, but its just, uh..." "Look, what if I wasnt here?" "What would you do then?" " Wait for you to come back?" " Alright, theres the problem." "What if I didnt know that you were in trouble, or I couldnt get back in time?" "What would you do then?" "I mean, look, youre a great group of people, its a lovely town, but theres a lot of horrible people out there, so youve gotta fend for yourselves," "...starting today." " I understand what Lucius is saying." " You do?" "By allowing him to assume the responsibility of protecting us," " were surrendering our independence." " That's right!" "." "Right?" "So, in exchange for the convenience of having someone safeguard our town, were giving up the very part of ourselves we seek to protect." " Listen to her." "Shes smart." " We need to regain our strength and our independence by taking responsibility for our lives, and the lives of our neighbours." "After today, we will no longer be dependent on one man." "There will be no champion protector, for it will fall to us to protect..." "OK, OK, hold on." "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "Youre getting a little carried away here." "OK, independence is a great thing, but so is the comfort of having somebody there to pick up the slack now and again," "OK?" "You dont wanna be doing it all the time because youve all got jobs, or you have hobbies, right?" "Beardo here, he likes to fish, right?" "You dont wanna be bothered by having to rise up and save the village every day, you know what I mean?" "But thats a thought for another day, OK?" "For today, youre gonna have to fight for yourselves, OK?" "So remember what you said about strength and integrity and responsibility, so you get out there and you fight for your town, go to the alleys, spread the word." "Now, go!" "Get out, get out!" "Get out." "Gather them out." "Colonel Sheppard?" "Maybe he changed his mind." "Youre out of time, Colonel." "Doctor McKay." " Me first." " No, Me." "Ill do it." "Well, how positively moving." "I almost wish I could shoot you all at once." "Kolya!" "I should have killed you when we first met, Colonel." " It would have saved me a lot of trouble." " The feelings mutual." "Goodbye, Sheppard." "Well, now that youve got that out of your system..." "Oh, crap!" "Reload!" "Dont bother." "You should have left town when you had the chance." "Im sure youre thinking the same thing right about now." "If I gave you the opportunity to surrender," "I dont suppose youd take it?" "I didnt think so." "Put down your weapons." "You sure you guys cant stay for some schnitzel?" "I mean, this is a party for you guys as much as anybody, right?" " You guys have a good time." "Were overdue." " Well, thanks for everything." "Just remember: stay out of trouble or well be back." "Oh, Colonel Sheppard?" " Arent you forgetting something?" " Oh, yeah!" " I did say Id give that back to you, didnt I?" " Yes, you did." "Youre a good man." "Youre an honest man, and you made me a better man myself, you know that, dont you?" "Good." "Bye, Lucius." " I thought you said that personal shield was depleted?" " Oh yeah." " Then it is worthless." " Pretty much." " Youre not gonna tell Lucius?" " No..." "Kick me as hard as you can!" "He'll figure it out."