"Can I help you find something?" "Oh." "Yes." "I'm looking for something that would be good for an old English lady with giant tits." "Oh." " Uh..." " I got you right over here." "Thank you." "Oh, that's perfect." "Right." "Just touch the fabric." "No, I don't need to touch it." "You can just, uh, put it in a bag." "Oh." "Got it." "Ooh." "Why are you buying your mother a bathing suit?" "Because I'm taking her to Santa Barbara for the weekend." "Oh, my God." "Yeah." "Mom, what do you want for your birthday next week?" "I just want you, darling." "We're going to do activities together." "I'm taking her to all her favorite places." "It's just going to be the two of us." "Wow." "That is..." "Yeah." "I'm actually really looking forward to it." "I mean, I think one of the reasons I hate her so much is that she's in my life every day." "I think this is good." "What are the girls going to do?" "Don't you want Mom and Gran to have a special time?" "I want me to have a special time." "It would be nice if somebody helped me." "Thanks, guys." "Hello!" " Hi, Phyl." " I'm so excited." "I tried the suit on." "It's perfect." "Really?" "I'm glad." " Okay, I got it." " I got it." "Couldn't you just let me..." "Just let me get it." " Your hand..." " I'm doing it." "No, but now you've got the wheels down..." " Can you j..." " I'm doing it." "Can you let go for one second?" "Thank you." "Okay." " Okay." " Ah." "It will be so good to get out of Los Angeles just for a day." " Yep." " And to be together." " Oh, and by the way..." " Mm-hmm?" "I cut out some articles in the newspaper and put them together for you." "I'll give them to you at the hotel." "Okay." "Yay." "You all right?" "Ohh." "Mom," "I can't do this." "I think I..." "I'm sorry." "I could get you, like, a bag or something." "I just think I've passed the point where I could do this with you." "It's all right, dear." "I'll see you later." "Shit." "Oh, well, I suck." "I suck as a daughter." "I suck as a mom." "Good morning, baby." "Good morning, Mama." "No offense, but in my dream you died." "Oh." "Wow." "Well, I heard that dying things in dreams really means, like, rebirth or renewal or change, something cool is going to happen, so that's okay for me, huh?" "No." "It's not okay, Mama." "Yes, baby, it's okay." "No, it's not because it was really scary and there's bears in it and there was a windmill." "Oh." "I'm sorry, Mush." "But listen, I'm here, you're here." "We're all okay, so let's get ready for schoolie." "My throat hurts." "Duke, seriously?" "Come on." "I want to go to school, I really do, but I just..." "I just don't know." "I feel cold." "Serious?" "Oh." "Okay." "All right." "Go back to sleep if you can." "Stay in bed until I get your sisters ready and to school, and if you wake up, no texting, no internet, no "Pretty Little Liars."" "Just rest or reading if anything, okay?" "Okay." "All right." "Stay cozy, Ferris Bueller." "_" "_" "Mom, I need a dress from the 1940s." "What?" "Now?" "Now you ask?" "Yeah, Mom." "Jesus, Mom." "I told you about this, like, weeks ago." "No, you didn't." "Jesus yourself, no-notice-giving little shit." "Max, do you have a dress from, like, the 1940s" " or something for Frankie?" " Jesus." "Mom, she already went into my room without asking and threw everything around in my closet!" "Oh, God, is that my shirt?" "Shut up, Max." "You're such a bitch." "Frankie, don't go in her closet without asking, and don't curse." "I hate it." "We learned it from you, Mom." "What?" "I'm defending you." "Actually, Mom, we're fine." "Just don't get involved." "This is between sisters." "Good morning." "It's Tuesday." "Oh, sorry I'm late." "Hi, Esperanza." "Do you where my black, high-waisted, skinny American Apparel jeans are?" "Oh, they're in the laundry." "I get them for you." "Okay, thanks." "Wait." "What's the matter?" "Are you okay?" "Oh, yes." "I'm okay." "I got sick." "I think it was food poisoning." "I hurt my leg." "I was throwing up all night." "What?" "Oh, my God." "Why did you come?" "You should have called me." "No." "It's okay." "I'm okay." "I get the pants." "Eh." " Frankie." "Frankie." " What?" "Don't get too close to her." "She's sick." "Mom, calm down." "She said it was just food poisoning." "Hi." "Remember I was coming today?" "I got the bills and the checks." " Hi, Rey." " Hi, Rey." "Duke, go back to bed." "What?" "She's not going to school?" "Jesus, Mom." "I can't believe you." "Yeah, Mom." "That's really bad parenting." "I got the pants, Frankie, my princess." "Oh, thank you so much, Espie." "No." "No." "Frankie, don't kiss her." "She's sick." "Esperanza, feel better." "Thank you." "I'll just..." "I'll do the lunches and grab cereal cups." "Okay." "Okay." "Nos vemos." " Hi, Rey." " Hi." "I'll be with you in, like, one minute." "I got to make the lunches, okay?" "Is there anything I can do?" "I could..." "I could throw something together for you." " What?" " Yeah." "You're so sweet." "Okay, really, thank you." "Okay, there's the bags." "Here's the fruit, cereal, things, these." "There's bars in the drawer." "And I'm gonna..." "Mom, I want to make my own lunch." "Frankie, stop with the mishegoss!" "Get ready for school." "I'll be right back, okay, Rey?" "Okay." "Hey, Mom, are you in there?" "No!" "Okay." "All right, so I threw some lunch bags together, and papers right there ready for you to sign." "Okay." "Thank you and not thank you." "Why do you have a check for my dad?" "Oh, are all those checks for my dad?" "Want me to help you with your lunch?" "What do you want?" "Okay, but first I got to show you this vine." " Let me find it." " All right, let's see." "Here." "Ha ha ha ha!" "That's what's up." "That's crazy." "What's wrong with her?" "A lot." " Hey, Frankie." " Hey." "You and Max need a ride to school?" "I got my mom's Volvo back." " Hi, Maxie." " Hey." " Hey." " Hey, Sam." " Here's a hug." " I love you." "Oh, my God." "We almost completely made out." "Hi." "Do you guys want breakfast?" "I have cereal cups and, like, breakfasty things." "I could make you guys smoothies." "Is he okay?" "Okay." " Hello!" " Hi, Pepper." "What are you doing here?" "Yay." "You guys are still here." "Pepper wanted to pick Duke up." " That's amazing." " Hi!" "Oh, my God!" "Get dressed!" "Hurry!" "It's spirit day!" " I know!" "Yes!" " Now she's fine." "We just stopped by from Oregon." "She wanted to see her so bad," " so I told her we could..." " That's fantastic." " Thank you." " Yeah." "Oh, this is Rey." "This is Elizabeth." " Hi." " Duke, guess what." " What?" " Rey made you a lunch." "Thank you!" "Thank you!" " I love you, baby." " I love you, too." "Feel better." "I mean... ha!" " Bye, Sam." " Bye, Pepper." "Bye." "See you guys." "Ohh." " Okay." " Thank you." "Nice recovery." "It's such a miracle." " Bye, faker." " You're so mean." " You're going to need a smog check." " Oh, God." "I'll come by next week if you need some help." " Oh, I appreciate it." " See you." "Hey, you guys, sun block!" "Thanks, Olivier!" "Bisou!" "And what should I do with my hand?" "What do you think you should do with your hand?" "I need you to tell me." "Oh, God, I'm so hard." "Well... you should unbuckle your belt and pull your pants down and get some air on it." "Yeah?" "Oh, God." "Oh, please, Jesus." "Ohh." "Oh, Jesus Christ!" "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Can you stay on the phone with me?" "I'm about to turn the corner." "Stay with me, Sam." " Sam, please." " Yeah, I'm here." "Oh, hang on." "Frankie's school is calling." "Oh, God." "Come right b..." "Hello." "Sam, it's Patti from school." " What's wrong?" " Frankie is fine." "Don't worry." "But I need you to come pick her up." "Pick her up?" "Why?" "Well, we had a bit of a situation, but I'd like to talk to you about it when you get to school." "Can I see you soon?" "Uh, I could be there in maybe 45 minutes." "All right, perfect." "I'll see you soon." "Okay." "Hi." "Did you?" "Yeah." " Okay." "You're welcome." "Bye." " I love you..." "Oh, geez, there then Edith." "So that's all." "We have to have gender lines when it comes to the bathrooms." "It's Unified policy." "Even though the world has changed, we can't have unisex bathrooms in middle school." "Yeah, but the thing is I don't want a unisex bathroom." "I just want to use the boys' room." "What?" "Mom, no, you don't understand." "What?" "Can I just go back to class?" "I'm sorry, darling." "You have to go home now for the rest of the day." "What?" "It's just that I have things I do, Frankie, and now I've got to take you home." "It's a bummer." "Sorry, Patti." "Jesus, Mom." "Tell Patti you're sorry so I can take you home and try to salvage what is left of my day." "Okay." "Fine." "I'm sorry, Patti." "But I'm not." "I know." "We'll get 'em tomorrow." "Have a good day." "Don't forget to bring your homework." "Thanks, Patti." "No worries." "Shit." "Tell them I'm sorry." "Thank you, Blair." "Sorry." "Mom." "Mommy." "Mom." "Mom." "Sam." "Sam." "Lois." "Lois." "Sam." "Mom." "Mommy." "Mom." "Okay, Mom, I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong." "Frankie, what do you think I do all day?" "Isn't it reasonable for me to expect that once you go to school you won't need me again until 3:00?" "This is a huge bummer." "It's not because I want to be a boy." "I..." "I know that's what people are saying, like "Oh, it's Frankie, oh, obviously she's identifying as a boy, blah blah blah."" "Ew, Mom, no, that's not the reason," "What are you talking about?" "I don't like the girls' room." "You don't like the girls' room." "That's why I use the boys' room." "The girls are disgusting." "Do you want to know what happened?" "Is there a mustache in Mexico?" "So Hadley was lying on the bench in the bathroom, and Tamsen and Missy are wearing these, like, one-piece, like, space suits, the onesies that, like, have a zipper going all the way down to their crotches," "and they kept, like, unzipping them and showing their boobs to each other." "Oh." "That's normal." "That sounds like middle school." "You should hear the shit that Auntie Sunny went through." "No, Mom, that's... that's not all." "Just let me finish." "And so Missy stuck her finger in her... she stuck her finger up her pussy and wiped it on Hadley's face." "What?" "I know, Mom." "It was so nasty." "It was so, so, so, so gross." "So did they get sent home, too?" "I didn't see them in Patti's office." "No, Mom, they weren't caught in the boys' room." "I was." "I'm the one who did the crime." "Middle school girls are fucking disgusting." "Bitches." "Bitches." "Ucch." "Also, I can't believe you just said "stuck her finger in her pussy" to me." "I'm a little stunned." " Hi." " Samuel." " How you doing?" " Good." "How are you?" "Oh, man, my back." "My back, killing me." "And I have, like, these cluster headache things." " What?" " I know, right?" "Really?" "It sounds bad." "You look good, though." "Yeah, Dorian Gray." "Picture of you in the attic." " Oh, this old thing?" " Mm-hmm." "Have you..." "What did you..." "Did you do something to your lips?" " No." " No?" "A little Bo?" "A little rush do?" "Well, I did get some oxygen blown into my face about two months ago." "Fair enough." "That'll be it." " Yeah." " Yeah, and it shows." "It's showing." " It is?" " I was just saying it's showing." "Yes." "My head actually is bad." "Do you have, like, even Advil at this point?" "Oh." "Uh, yeah." "Look in here." " Ooh." " Probably in there." "Cupboard of treats." "Hey, Auntie Macy." "Who is this child?" "Ooh!" "Oh, my goodness, duckie, you look gorgeous." "Are you ready for your belated birthday present?" " Yes, yes, yes, yes." " Yes, yes." "Yes." "Okay, right." "Oops." "I'm breaking plates." "Hold, please." "Ta!" "Thank you, Auntie Macy!" "Love ya." "Mommy, I'm almost done with my homework." "Can I take a break and watch my show?" "Sure." "Oi." "What are..." "Mm." "Hey, what are these?" "You use these?" "I don't know." "What even is that?" " What does it say?" " These." ""Hydrocodone."" "Yeah." "Vicodin." "Yeah." "I don't even know what that is." "When is it from?" "Uh..." "Feb 2007." "Uh." "That's from when Duke was born." "Hey, I feel it might be good for my neck." "Well, aren't they expired?" "Mm-hmm, but it's fine to me." " Really?" " Hmm." "Go for it." "I don't..." "Thanks." "So how are you besides your... clusters and flusters and..." "Musters." "Yeah." "No, I mean, good." "I mean, Tank is, like, obviously working the whole time, and he's never here I never see him, which is fine because he's annoying and prissy." "Totally fine." "What about you?" "How are my girls?" "Oh... they're good." "I don't know how you do it." "I really don't." "I mean, what with your girls and working and everything else." "I, uh, I don't, actually." "Everybody always gets a little bit screwed." "Even when I do my best, it ain't never enough." "Oh, hon." "Hey, what can I do?" "Let me do something, like, let me do something to help, please?" "Because, I mean, what do I do ever?" " Seriously?" " I never do anything." "Seriously." "Just take me up on it." " Anything." " Okay." "How about soccer?" "You want to come to soccer on Saturday?" "Two of the girls have games at the same frickin' time." "It happens every weekend." "Yeah, sure." "What time is it?" "Noon." "Uh, yeah, uh, I think I need to check..." "Honey, it's fine." "It's okay." "Thank you for asking, though." "Anything." "I will do anything for you." " You know that." " I know." "Do you have, uh, diet soda or something that I can take these with?" "No." "I have iced tea." "Ech." "So I'm just gonna..." "I'm gonna get to class, and I'll take them..." "uhh... when I get there." " Okay." " It's fine." "Thank you." "Bye!" "Okay, thanks for Duke's present." "No worries." "What time are we leaving?" "Do I have to go?" "In an hour, and yes." "Hey, Mom, what happened with Frankie at school today?" "What?" "Why?" "Because people are talking about it." "What people?" "Oh." "That's not people." "Anyway, she got caught using the boys' room." "I guess it's happened before." "She's just weirded out by the middle school girls." "She'll get over it." "Mom." "What?" "Mom, come on." "Come on what?" "Max." "Mom, Frankie is a boy." "Uh..." "No." "No." "She was saying that everybody was going to say that." " Mom..." " Max." "What..." "Shit." "♪ Man got his woman ♪" "♪ To take his seed ♪" "♪ He got the power, oh ♪" "♪ She got the need ♪" "♪ She spends her life through ♪" "♪ Pleasing up her man ♪" "♪ She feeds him dinner, or ♪" "♪ Anything she can ♪" "♪ She cries alone at night too often ♪" "♪ He smokes and drinks and don't come home at all ♪" "♪ Only women bleed ♪" "♪ Only women bleed ♪" "♪ Only women bleed ♪" "♪ Man makes your hair gray ♪" "♪ He's your life's mistake ♪" "♪ All you're really lookin' for ♪" "♪ Is an even break ♪" "♪ He lies right at you ♪" "♪ You know you hate this game ♪" "♪ He slaps you once in a while ♪" "♪ And you live and love in pain ♪" "♪ She cries alone at night too often ♪" "♪ He smokes and drinks and don't come home at all ♪" "♪ Only women bleed ♪" "♪ Only women bleed ♪" "♪ Only women bleed ♪" "_"