"Subrip by dandee" "¶ Life is a rolling ocean ¶" "¶ If you want to stay in motion ¶" "¶ You gotta get, you gotta get ¶" "¶ You gotta get ahead of the wave ¶" "¶ Young love's never humble ¶" "¶ Everybody takes a tumble ¶" "¶ Better get, you better get ¶" "¶ You better get your head on straight ¶" "¶ Hear that rolling ocean ¶" "¶ Better get ahead ¶" "¶ You know that wave is comin' ¶" "¶ Better get ahead ¶" "¶ If you want to catch the big fish ¶" "¶ And take him to cherish ¶" "¶ You gotta get, you gotta get ¶" "¶ You got to get ahead of the wave ¶" "¶ Hear that rolling ocean ¶" "¶ You better get ahead ¶" "¶ You know that wave is coming ¶" "¶ Better get ahead ¶ 324!" "325, 326, 327... 328... 32... 32... 329." "Yeah." "Watching you guys play badminton makes me profoundly sad." "We weren't playing badminton, Glenn." "We were playing goodminton." "The point is to hit it as soft as possible to get as many in a row as we can." "It's a game of gentlemanly cooperation." "I'll bet you two learned a lot about gentlemanly cooperation in your bed, where you have sex." "No one likes a homophobe, Glenn." "And no one likes you two assholes." "You kiss your mother with that filthy mouth?" "You kiss your boyfriend with those ugly lips?" "As a matter of fact..." "In your fricking face." "Whoa, you can't talk to the kid like that." "That's not a kid." "That's Glenn." "He's a dick." "Screw you." "Okay!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "Come on." "Screw you, fighter baby." "Glenn, go... go home." "You're lucky." "You're lucky." "Hey, come on." "We're gonna be late for our double date." "Suckers." "To be clear, no, he doesn't really kiss me with those ugly lips, because we're into girls... specifically these two extremely attractive girls that are meeting us right now." "This seaside pub is rustic yet hip, this is my favorite shirt, and I'm having a pretty decent hair day." "Yup, it's a good day for capital-L love." "Ford over here is more interested in, well, the kind of love you don't have to call again." "Now, despite all odds, we are crushing this first date." "I could imagine just staying in on a Saturday night and watching dry British comedies and, you know, streaming, and it's like I kind of fantasize about, like, cuddling you, you know?" "Ooh, that sounded way better in my head." "Maybe they didn't hear me." "Ah, I just blew it for us." "Oh, my gosh." "I should go." "This is gonna be too awkward for me to handle." "Yeah, I'm gonna come with you, actually." "What?" "What?" "You're not gonna leave a tip or at least pay for your drink?" "Great." "You know what, Noah?" "I don't even think she was the one." "Yeah, mine neither." "Definitely not the one." "Why both our names?" "It should just be your name." "You're the painter." "Yeah, but it was our idea." "Yeah, but you're actually talented." "You shouldn't even be working here." "You know what?" "You could be a millionaire painter, like..." "like Picasso or even Banksy." "Yeah, I'll get right on that." "The guys need to see this." "It's a great painting." "I mean, for a fisting bro spray." "Last week, I was painting a top hat on a condom, and now this." "Maybe I ought to just, like, you know, quit my job, be, like, a real artist." "I don't know." "Do you like food and shelter?" "I do." "I love those things." "I literally need them every day." "All the time." "Really?" "Ooh." "Fascinating." "A scathing satire of the homoerotic world of faux masculinity and fraternal life, an American cover-up hoisted upon young men to capably deny their desire for the fist." "How's the website looking, programmer?" "Pound the fist, feel the mist." "The bro community's gonna love that." "I agree." "Derrick, Matthias, do we have a theme for our promo party?" "Oh, we're gonna need some more time." "We had some ideas, but they were a little bit... raunchy?" "Oh, wow." "I'm gonna go ahead and say that even a little raunchy is not okay." "Well, it's a giant, veiny fist called Tight." "I love it." "Remember our motto:" ""We give the customers what they want."" "That's not really a motto." "It's kind of just what businesses do." "Okay, let's just get this model made of Noah and Ford's design and test it." "Yes, sir." "You got it." "Let's go." "Hmm?" "Come on." "Oh, just us?" "All right." "We'll work on that." "I'm already done with my work." "Every day after work, we like to meet up for happy hour." "The happiest thing about this place is that girl." "Ford likes to call her NGH for Never Gonna Happen, because, well, after a year," "I have yet to figure out how to make a move." "Even Jess has more game than me." "When was the last time you had a one-night stand?" "Yesterday." "I had to have some." "So I opened my phone and swiped right." "Mm." "We met for coffee." "I took him back to my place, introduced him to the roommates, got the go-ahead, so I brought him back into my room and closed the door." "And?" "Adult stuff happened." "That's all I'm gonna say." "Ooh!" "What?" "And then I asked him to leave, because I like eating dinner alone." "That's how it's done." "Can we stop talking about me?" "Derrick, let's talk about you." "Last night." "No." "Wait, what?" "What about your boyfriend?" "Oh, he knows." "But we live by what's called gay law." "What is that?" "We're listening." "So Carlos and I love each other, but we're dudes, and we do what dudes do, and..." "So technically, you guys can have a threesome whenever you want." "Like, you can literally see a guy at a bar and say, "That guy" and go home and bang." "And we do." "That's it." "I want to be gay." "It's so progressive." "I don't think that's how it works." "It works for him." "Perfect, bam." "So nobody gets hurt?" "Okay, getting hurt is not out of the question, but for us, it's not like you straight weirdos." "You must learn to press past your fears." "When you do, life will unfold before you in the most beautiful of ways." "I once mercy-banged an elderly Scottish woman." "Saved my life." "Okay, that's a story I want to hear about." "Yeah." "Pictures." "I'm just not, like, a "hit on a girl at a bar" kind of guy." "We know; it's 'cause you're a "get in a relationship" ""and then get broken up with and then cry about it to your friends" kind of guy." "That is so harsh." "Bye, baby." "How could you do that?" "You just lost your chance." "I should have talked to her." "Noah, you have to take some swings." "Otherwise, it's always gonna be like prom." "Noah was standing in a corner in a bad-fitting suit looking all desperate and sad and pathetic." "My suit fit very well." "That's it." "What is more sexual for the American adolescents than the senior prom?" "We will create a prom night for this Tight." "Hmm?" "Sir." "Have you tried Tight by Bro Spray?" "It's free." "So excited." "You guys having a good time tonight?" "Are you texting a hot guy?" "No, I'm actually making an app." "It's like... okay, you take a picture of your face, and then you scroll this bar farther and farther, and you get older and older until you're dead." "And then you can scroll backwards till you're a fetus." "Wow, that's..." "amazing." "It's only working to middle age right now, but you'll be dead before you know it." "Oh." "On the app, not in real life." "I think you're great alive." "That's great." "People are waiting." "You need to get out there and test the waters, see how the Tight water is floating." "Don't be the kitty afraid of the titty." "Go milk." "Ha!" "He likes to punch me." "Oh!" "It's Bro Spray." "Really?" "Ooh, that's awful." "It smells like..." "It smells like..." "Good stuff." "No, like, Fruit Stripe gum mixed with, like, hot tar." "It's what we're selling." "Get out there and holler at the honeys or whatever it is you frat boys do." "Make it look like this stuff works." "Ford out." "Could I take you up on that killing offer?" "I thought you'd never ask." "I know it was awkward before, but yes, sure, definitely." "Let's do that." "But have a little fun first." "Good luck." "Yeah." "What is that great smell?" "Oh, it's me." "Here, smell, smell." "Oh, you look like a girl that wants to smell me." "Come here, girl." "Hello, miss." "I am wearing a sexual fragrance, and I... yeah." "It comes in a little fist." "How cute is that?" "Pound it." "This is the essence of bro." "It's eau de bro." "It... is that gross?" "You're right." "I wouldn't want that on my body either." "Beautiful, beautiful work, boys." "Tight is gonna flip a biscuit when they hear about this." "Thank you." "Great." "How was your reaction to the smell?" "Oh, it was great." "It was just, you know, pure animal attraction." "Just women just coming at me, and I had to, you know, get them away." "When was the last time you ejaculated inside of a woman?" "Excuse me?" "No, no." "Noah here is a serial monogamist." "He's only had sex with himself." "Or a girl." "In his dreams." "I swear to God I've had sex." "It's okay." "I know what it is to be celibate." "I..." "That's the thing, though." "I'm not celibate." "Shh, shh." "I'm really not." "I have a long and very turbulent sexual history, to the point where, honestly, doing the sticky-stuckus has grown quite passé for me." "I prefer the intensity of a good dream." "Oh." "Especially a sticky one." "I've trained my mind to control them." "The ecstasy of a lucid midnight emission, ooh, incomparable." "I will partner with you and show you how." "Oh, I'm..." "Take me up on it." "I think I'm okay." "I will show you." "Okay." "I think he has the hots for you." "I don't know about that." "Listen, me and Jess are about to go out for some drinks." "You want to come?" "Uh, no." "You guys go have fun." "I think I'm gonna just stay here and wallow in my self-loathing." "All right, good." "Get some practice in, all right?" "Thank you." "Love you." "Bye." "Oh, dude, you smell horrible." "We all smell horrible." "That's Tight." "Go." "Have a good night." "Ooh, he's not wrong." "Well, the promo party's an epic disaster, on top of which I've designed the world's worst-smelling body spray, and it's just my luck, while destroying my monstrosity, that's when I met Callie." "Damn, what did those bottles ever do to you?" "Could the concept be douchier?" "Uh..." "Kind of hard to believe that someone actually made this." "Yeah, well, someone did." "And that someone is you?" "That someone is me." "Do you mind if I take a picture of you?" "Uh..." "With this?" "I... um..." "Okay." "Take your glasses off." "You're handsome." "Embrace it." "You should wear contacts." "Ready?" "Sadder." "Sadder." "Perfect." "Well, I hope to see more of your work someday." "Yeah?" "Hey, I'm Noah." "I'm Callie." "Callie." "Could I get your... e-mail or something?" "No, I have a better idea." "This party's amazing!" "I'm so excited!" "Wow." "Secret party." "What?" "I like this one of you." "I have a visible erection." "Really?" "No." "Oh, then I'm not interested." "Oh." "I like you." "Why?" "You keep it low-key." "You're like an iceberg." "There's stuff below the surface." "I'm pretty sure it's just ice beneath the surface of an iceberg." "Praise hands, everybody." "Come on." "Come on." "Feel the spirit." "Or not." "But let's all be thankful today, because the client bought our prom campaign for Tight." "Yeah." "All right." "Now, due to my faith," "Tight isn't a product I personally endorse, as it encourages sex before marriage, as well as its subtle endorsement that sodomy is A-okay." "But we're still young as a business, need to take it all." "Uh, I did not mean that sexually." "Well, I take everything sexually." "All the time." "Okay, well, now for some great news." "We just heard from Converse, and they want to do a promotional event here in town, and they want us to pitch." "What's the strategy?" "Urban adventure." "So I want everyone to put your heads together and just come up with something outside the box." "I really think we can blow Converse away." "Uh, how about a city-wide scavenger hunt with clues that lead people all over the city?" "There'd be, like, a goal at the end or a treasure, like a one-of-a-kind pair of golden Converse." "I could do the art, have Ford talk to manufacturing," "Jess builds the app, Derrick shoots the spot, and Matthias writes the copy." "Noah, I am blown away." "This idea just might be your ark." "As in Noah's ark?" "Yeah, we saw it." "With Russell Crowe." "You... no, you got to read the story." "In... in the book." "We don't see it with the Russell Crowe, but he's in it." "Okay." "You know what?" "Good job, Noah, okay?" "All right!" "Dude!" "I have never seen you so on." "I know, right?" "Okay, can I tell you a secret?" "Of course." "I kind of met a girl." "Like, a real good-looking lady." "Does... does she know you?" "Yeah, yeah, dude." "She knows me." "We... we kissed." "What?" "That's awesome." "We can go on a double date now." "Yeah." "Wait, hold on." "You're seeing someone too?" "I don't want to jinx it, but tomorrow afternoon, I have a date, and I'm completely into her." "Yes!" "I love it." "Dude, that's awesome." "Okay." "See, man?" "Shit's really turned around for us." "Bloo, bloo, bloo!" "You know what?" "I really like this place." "I mean, this is so much different than my normal first dates that I really appreciate this, so thank you." "You're welcome." "I'd normally invite you over, you know, pour some wine, make some popcorn." "You know, sit on the couch, start cuddling, put on some Netflix, and then you know, start... start chilling." "Is this on your first date?" "I mean, usually, 'cause there usually isn't a second, so..." "Oh, okay." "To be 100% honest," "I'm really glad you took me here." "I don't normally get to see things like this." "Really?" "Yeah." "You're not just saying that?" "No, the girl never usually takes me on a date like this." "Look at this." "Look at this." "I mean, trees smell nice." "I'm just messing." "I'm happy to be here with you." "It's cute." "Here it is." "We're gonna do it here?" "Ni hao ma." "Ni hao ma." "That's awesome!" "It said,"Ni hao ma."" "What does that mean?" "Oh, I don't know." "I don't speak Chinese." "I just mimic birds who speak Chinese." "Ni hao ma." "Okay." "Guys, the miracles keep on coming." "Converse likes Noah's treasure hunt." "They want to hear more." "So in the next couple weeks, we're gonna do a formal pitch." "I'd like to do the pitch." "With Ford." "Okay, you guys got it." "Oh, uh, and in other pieces of news, as of last night," "Marta and I are officially engaged." "So I think a little celebration is in order, so everyone please join us for cake." "All right." "It's Marta, not Martha." "They're both good names." "This is like barf-a." "You must be so psyched to get married." "It's a blessed union." "Yeah, but I mean more so for the, you know, getting to have sex for the first time thing." "And then hopefully a lot more times after that." "Oh, well, I won't lie;" "I'm a hot-blooded male too." "But as you know, I have a strong religious center." "Otherwise, I'm just like you." "Well, let me recommend some slow jams, you know, so you can bump and grind and ah, ah, ah." "Tell me about this new girl." "Well, it's only been a few dates so far." "I don't want to, you know, say too much." "You've literally said nothing." "Oh, well, I think that may be for the best." "I..." "I get so nervous talking about her." "I mean, and my hands get sweaty." "Feel them." "I believe you." "Yeah." "I don't know." "She's really cool." "She's, like, creative..." "like, very creative... but in, like, a really nonpretentious way." "Yeah, of course." "She's very hot." "And she's actually pretty smart." "And she's dating you?" "I know." "Right?" "I'm, like, totally smitten, but I got to be careful about it, because I think she is maybe seeing another guy." "Well, we haven't discussed the whole exclusivity thing at this point." "She said she's open to just dating one person." "Don't have that conversation." "No?" "No." "Exclusivity." "So I don't know." "I mean, I don't..." "I don't want to sound too confident, but I think there's, like, a 50/50 chance that guy could be me." "50/50, yeah." "Not to worry." "That wasn't too confident." "I think you're good." "Yo." "So I heard you telling Derrick this girl of yours likes whiskey?" "Mine too." "What else about yours?" "Uh, well, she is pretty bad-ass." "Oh, trust me, mine is the definition of bad-ass." "And she knows how to make me laugh." "She's so funny." "Ooh, mine too." "But get this." "Mine rides horses." "Okay, mine rides horses." "But she doesn't know how to ride a bike." "Mine had a tiny Chihuahua when she was little named J.Lo." "J.Lo." "Yeah, um, mine did too." "Mine's 5 feet... 7 inches tall?" "Takes..." "Boxing classes." "Eats..." "Chili lime chips." "Wears..." "Adorable red sneakers." "What is happening to us?" "Noah?" "Look, this is gonna hurt, but one of us has to stop seeing her." "Dude, come on." "You know a girl like this is not coming along in either of our lives ever again." "Maybe." "But she came into both of our lives at the same time." "Yeah." "All right, you know what?" "Let's be fair." "Both of us have to stop seeing her." "It's the only way we'll survive this, Noah." "I..." "Okay, fine, sure." "I'll do it first." "What's up?" "I can't believe I'm doing this." "Um, I have to..." "I don't really know how to say this." "I'm sorry." "Okay." "Great." "What?" "My friend bailed on me." "We were supposed to go mushroom hunting, and now she can't make it." "Excuse me." "What?" "Mushroom hunting?" "I mean, we go hunting for mushrooms, and we eat them." "You're amazing." "Noah." "Hmm?" "Would you want to go with me?" "I..." "I do love mushrooms." "It's pretty cool." "Well, I mean, I can..." "there's a..." "Please, yes." "I would love to." "Here you go, sir." "Callie?" "I'm breaking up with you." "Me and Noah just..." "you know, we can't... we can't keep..." "Oh, my." "I'm screwed." "Okay, so what happened?" "You didn't break it off." "I didn't break it off." "Noah, it was hard." "I know!" "It's impossible!" "She's sexy and loves mushroom hunting." "Ugh, it's like someone invented the perfect girl just to torture us." "You didn't break it off." "No, of course I didn't break it off!" "I'm mortal!" "Okay." "All right, look." "What if I said I had an idea?" "Now, it's gonna sound completely crazy, but just..." "Nope, I'm not flipping a coin for her." "No!" "Can we both agree that if we stop dating her, some inferior jerk who doesn't deserve her is gonna swoop in and start dating her anyway?" "Yes." "You know what happens then, Noah?" "Uh..." "We both lose." "Right." "But what if... we don't stop dating her?" "I'm sorry." "I'm not following." "We share her." "What?" "We joint-date her." "It'll all be aboveboard." "Let's back up." "I think that is literally... and I mean this without exaggeration... the worst idea I've ever heard." "And we work in advertising." "Is it, though?" "Yeah." "But is it?" "Yes!" "I mean, she's gonna end up liking one of us more, probably you, and this... oh, man, this whole thing is way too weird." "It's not that weird." "It's that weird." "People date more than one person all the time." "The difference is they're not honest about it." "We're best friends;" "we'll be so honest." "Yeah, I'll just tell her, "Honestly, Callie," ""Ford and I are best friends, which is why we are gonna double-team you."" "Yeah!" "What?" "That's actually the perfect situation." "What do guys complain about most in a relationship?" "Not enough space." "What do girls complain about?" "Not enough attention." "This way, we'll get double the space." "She'll get double the beef." "She might be into it." "She's not like other girls." "She's from Venezuela." "That doesn't mean anything!" "Everything about this is absurd." "The point is, I don't want to lose her." "Yeah, I don't want to lose her." "Shit!" "Venezuela." "Yeah, I heard you the first time." "Okay." "Okay, look." "Ah!" "I'll do this but on one condition." "I stop using your work computer for porn." "That would be a good idea, but also if she dumps one of us, then the other person has to break it off." "It's all or nothing." "You won't regret this." "Yeah, I won't regret this." "Of course I'm gonna regret this." "We're gonna... - dude, don't dance like that." "You know we're gonna freak her out." "Nothing about this is good." "God, I hate him." "Noah, just be cool." "No, I'm being cool." "Look, dude, we got to get out of here." "She's gonna come any minute." "I can't..." "She's coming." "Hey!" "Hey." "Hey." "Noah?" "Yeah." "Have a seat." "Oh." "Funny story." "We actually found out about each other." "Really?" "We're actually best friends." "That's weird." "Well, it's about to get weirder." "We have a proposal." "Noah and I havea lot of fun with you." "And you have a lot of fun with us, right?" "Yeah." "We all have fun." "So why should that have to stop?" "I'm not following." "All right, Callie, look." "Noah and I individually are not that amazing." "Wait, no." "Guys, you are amazing." "Trust me on this one." "We're not." "But together..." "oh, together, we become, like, this perfect boyfriend." "Like a boyfriend Voltron." "It's a show from the '80s." "It's... never mind." "Callie, Noah isn't about to jump out of planes with you, but I am." "But you know what he is gonna do?" "He's gonna read books with you." "He's gonna talk about art." "You know, art?" "And he's gonna... he's... he's gonna..." "But look, what we're saying is, date both of us." "But, like, at different times." "We want to be your boyfriend." "Wow, um... here's the thing, guys." "I want you to know that I like you both a lot." "And at this point, I would hate to choose between you both." "Then don't choose." "You don't have to." "Yeah, but this three-way thing is kind of crazy." "You're right." "It's crazy." "We..." "No, no." "But that's why I love it." "What?" "See?" "Yeah, I love it." "I mean, it's different from any other relationship I've ever been in, and they've all been super bad, so it can't be that bad, right?" "No." "It's not bad at all." "It's actually great." "Yeah." "But aren't you guys gonna start, like, I don't know, fighting or anything?" "No, no, we're best friends." "Yeah." "We've been through so much worse." "We're good." "We've been through worse." "All right." "Let's do this!" "What if everything feels different now with her?" "It's not gonna be different." "You've gone on a couple of dates with her." "They went great, right?" "Yeah, but now it's, like, official." "We're both, like, officially dating the same girl, which is just gonna be awkward." "It's not gonna be awkward." "Just keep doing what you're doing, and all will be fine." "All right, look." "Here." "What's this?" "My lucky flask." "Well, one of my lucky flasks." "Just put some bourbon in it, and no matter where you are or what you're doing, if you have that, you'll be okay." "These sound like famous last words." "Hey, assholes, I'll take a drink." "That's cute." "My dad and my mom..." "I don't know;" "they separated, and he's been gone for a while." "You know, me and my father used to come here all the time to go fishing." "I was actually a really good fisher." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "He's like my best friend." "And I'm talking too much." "No, no, no, no at all." "Yes, I am!" "No, I..." "Look, I enjoy listening to you." "All right." "Whoa!" "This is stupid." "But I love it." "I love it." "Let me show you what I got." "Wait, wait." "Oh!" "Oh, my God!" "That was close." "Wow." "Have you always loved taking pictures?" "Yeah, I mean, if you think about it, it's the only thing that freezes time." "Okay, maybe one day, you'll be like, you know, a famous photographer." "I mean, I would love to be like Annie Leibovitz." "You know who she is?" "An..." "Annie Leibovitz!" "Yeah!" "She's my favorite!" "She's my favorite too." "Noah, everything you know about Annie Leibovitz" "in, like, three seconds." "The photographer." "Yeah, but give me more, because Callie brought her up in a conversation, and I didn't know what to say." "I felt like an idiot." "She took that famous portrait of John Lennon and Yoko Ono when they're lying in the bed naked." "Okay, perfect, perfect." "That's more than enough." "Thank you." "Hey." "Hey." "You know what?" "While you were gone, I was thinking." "You know what I want to do with you?" "We should re-create that famous John Lennon and Yoko Ono picture that Annie Leibovitz took." "It's, like, my favorite picture of all time." "Well, you know what?" "I don't like that one that much." "What others do you like?" "Ye... um..." "I..." "I like the..." "Okay, I don't know anything about Annie Leibovitz." "I just found out that fact 'cause I kind of wanted to impress you." "Really?" "Yeah." "Well, you did." "Well, it sounds like everything is running like a German auto factory." "As they say, hitchless." "It's going great, and the best part is there's no pressure." "It's just pure fun." "Well, I'm very happy for you." "And you too, Noah." "Huh?" "You work well together." "You two are ninjas in the same dojo." "Just make sure your swords don't cross." "You told Matthias?" "No, I..." "I didn't." "Then who did?" "Okay, yeah, I did, but it's fine." "He can give us beneficial advice." "He does weird stuff all the time." "Did you know he was a live-in sex butler for a man and woman in Stuttgart?" "So?" "Dude, as soon as Ed finds out, he's gonna freak and he's gonna fire us." "He's not gonna fire us." "We've been killing it for him." "Yes, he will." "Dude, he's so Christian, he still watches Veggie Tales movies." "He doesn't have kids." "Matthias knows better than to tell anyone." "We know all his deepest, darkest secrets." "Well, well, well." "I'm impressed." "I always thought of you boys as typical straight dudes, but it turns out you're more adventurous than I thought." "Keep up the good work." "You always need to get relationship advice from your gay friend." "So we should have the talk." "'Kay." "What talk?" "The sex talk." "What talk?" "The sex tal..." "I'm asking, have you had sex with Callie yet or not?" "You haven't told me, so..." "No, no, no!" "Okay, cool." "Okay." "I've been taking it slow." "Yeah, cool." "Have you?" "Uh, no." "Oral?" "Uh, uh, just kissing so far." "Okay." "All right, we can't be weird about this." "Yeah, no, I know." "No, like, this is our make-or-break." "One of us is gonna get there first, and the other cannot freak out about it." "No freaking out." "Got it." "But..." "But, like, which one of us gets to go there first?" "You know what I mean?" "That's not our decision to make." "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." "No, I know that." "But I just wonder, like, we could both agree to..." "Or we both agree to just be cool about it." "I'll hang out." "You got to go to the gym, right?" "Not after this little talk." "Okay, let's flip a coin for it." "No way." "Then what do you suggest?" "Well, tonight's gonna be our first double date, I guess." "Which is weird." "I mean, on top of the already weird situation." "Now that I told you about your arrangement, are you, like, disgusted with me and Ford?" "Oh, no, not additionally disgusted." "Just the same as before." "But, like, in a good way." "No." "You realize when one of you has sex with her, things are going to implode, right?" "Oh, come on." "I mean, we have our own, like, styles and vibes and stuff." "We're good." "None of those things, like, help the situation." "But whatever you say." "You do you." "Just call me right after." "Not right after." "Maybe the next day." "Whenever you feel comfortable and are fully clothed, give me a buzz." "Okay." "Thanks for listening." "I figure Ford's, you know, just proclaiming it to the office, so, you know, I thought it might be a good idea to get a female opinion." "Yup, that's me." "All female, all opinions." "Welcome to the mill." "All right, right there." "Come here." "I want to show you, like, my favorite thing in the world." "This is Big Buck Hunter." "I have the high score right here, as you can see." "My hunting persona is One Shot." "You?" "One Shot, baby." "Oh!" "All right." "Look, the objective is to actually kill the animal, so no playing nice, okay?" "You know how to use this?" "I got it." "Yes, I got it." "This is how you" "I know how to hold a gun." "All right, reload." "Down." "Down." "Ready?" "All right, I'm gonna take it easy on you." "No, don't take it easy on me." "Ready?" "Go." "I got that one." "Oh!" "How are you..." "Is this working?" "Yo, just be quiet." "Quiet." "Nothing from the peanut gallery." "What are you doing?" "How are you doing good at this?" "Stop, you're not supposed to actually be good at this." "I'm actually really good at this." "Careful." "Stop." "Whoa." "What?" "I got one." "Holy shit." "Oh, wait, no, two!" "My gun's broken." "I'm about to beat your high score." "No, my gun's not working." "No, you're not." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Holy shit." "You got the Critter Bonus and everything." "Bummer, dude." "Sorry." "Hey, you, you're a wonderful artist." "I love your work, beating Ford at his own game." "It was gonna be embarrassing for him." "You are, like, made of magic." "You... you're magical." "God, I just..." "I love you." "What?" "What?" "I..." "I said I..." "love you?" "I love you too." "I mean..." "I mean, we love you." "Yeah, that's what I, I mean, we... we love you." "I love you guys too." "You know what?" "This is actually pretty nice." "Yeah, it's working out." "Yeah." "Oh, it was a long night." "I'm gonna go home." "Ford, you're on the way." "Do you want me to drop you off?" "Uh, yeah." "Sure." "I'll see you tomorrow?" "Yeah." "Okay." "This has a lot of potential right here." "Yeah?" "This is quite good." "It titillates without being too insipid." "It's really" "Oh, hey, here we go." "So all right." "Check it out." "Here are the Converse." "These are fresh!" "Funky fresh." "We'll focus-test it." "So how's your collective girl doing?" "I still can't believe that Ford told you guys about that." "I trust them." "Noah, your secret is safe with us." "Okay?" "I have much darker and dirtier secrets" "I've never, never revealed." "Much darker." "I'm curious about the sex schedule." "Are the three of you exclusive to one another?" "Have you even floated the threesome question yet?" "I would." "No, we've been taking it pretty slow, you know, so no sex yet." "Actually..." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "You're..." "last night?" "When she was just driving you home?" "Look, it had to be one of us." "Ford to reception, please." "I'm sorry." "Round one goes to Ford." "Um, okay, guys, I need your help." "You want to stick it in your girl." "Sure, okay." "Yes, yes, that is what I want to do, the thing you said." "Noah, I love you, but you're too sweet for your own good." "You need to add some danger to the dynamic." "Women love danger." "They do." "Yeah, but, see, I'm not really the dangerous type." "You know what I mean?" "That's kind of..." "I wouldn't know how to do that." "I'm not telling you to stab anyone." "I'm telling you to invite her over and put on a sexy Liam Neeson thriller." "Stabbing could be fun if it's with your flesh rod." "If you ask me, what I see here is you and Ford, and over here is Callie." "And who's this?" "This is Noah up on his sexual steed, this erotic little animal." "And he's running through the pastures." "To get to the Callie, you're gonna have to gallop." "And then you're gonna have to whisk her away." "Whisk her away through the..." "Over there in your bed." "That's when you will transform yourself into the sexual Noah." "When you do, I want to meet him." "Me too." "They told me to be, like, Sexual Noah." "Sexual Noah?" "What does that even mean?" "I don't know." "Wait, well, you shouldn't be listening to these guys." "I mean, they don't even know what they're talking about." "Sexual Noah?" "That... that sounds gross." "What?" "I just envisioned it." "I don't know." "It just seems weird." "Be yourself." "She'll be comfortable." "She'll pick up on it." "And you guys will have a really good time." "Yeah, see, but I don't even know what to, like, do with her." "She's not an infant." "Take her on a date." "Yeah, we've been on dates." "I'm saying, like, I don't know..." "Like, what's an ideal date?" "What's a good perfect date?" "I think an ideal date is just taking a nice walk." "A walk?" "Yeah, show up with, like, a cute little gift or strawberry ice cream." "That'd be awesome." "Okay, but, see, no, 'cause she doesn't even like ice cream." "What?" "No, it's a thing." "That's weird." "You realize that, right?" "I know, but she's one in a million." "What are you gonna do?" "Just be yourself and stop trying to be someone you're not." "You want her to like you for you, don't you?" "Yeah, okay." "No, you're right." "That's... yeah, that's probably pretty good advice." "It was?" "I mean, honestly, the whole time," "I was blacked out and just thinking about food, and I really don't think I hit the surface of the analogy." "Oh." "I should stop while I'm ahead." "You like it?" "We're good." "Can we eat now?" "I'm good." "Thank you." "Bye." "Cute kitchen, Noah." "So we're watching a Liam Neeson movie, right?" "Uh, yeah." "Or..." "You know, all movies should be filmed in newspaper offices." "I know." "Right?" "It's amazing." "When he walks with a lady, he waits for her." "Oh, well, in that case..." "Oh, I wish I worked there." "Wow, that was actually really good." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Thank you." "Hey, I got something for you." "All right." "Okay, it's... a little something, uh..." "What is it?" "Okay." "Oh, my God, Noah." "Did you make this for me?" "Yeah, it's my first memory of seeing you at that prom thing." "I love it." "Yeah, you like it?" "Cool." "Dude, what's going on?" "Hmm?" "What?" "Did... did you and Callie..." "I slept with her!" "I knew it!" "It was like a religious experience." "I'm happy for you." "I think this thing's gonna work out." "It is." "Did she ask you, by the way, to do that photo shoot thing?" "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, do you know what we're doing?" "No, I just said I'll do it." "Yeah, okay, me neither." "Nice ones." "Okay." "Yeah, looks good." "Hey, they're here." "Hey, guys, this is Emery." "He's an amazing photographer." "He's helping me a lot." "How's it going, Emery?" "Ford." "Nice to meet you." "Yeah." "Nice to meet you too." "So cool you guys are up for this." "Yeah." "Oh, of course." "Anything for this beautiful lady here." "So what are we doing, exactly?" "You guys are gonna be my models." "Okay." "We're gonna model?" "Yeah." ""Naked Friends."" "Cool." "Yeah." "Old friends, young friends, unfiltered." "Oh, really?" "Yeah." "In a photo, in..." "Yeah, what's the big deal?" "There's the whole posterity thing." "What about my future kids?" "I don't know." "I don't want to see them..." "I'm sorry." "Who are you again?" "I'm Emery." "Emery." "It's called "Naked Friends." I need you both." "Look, I would love to support you in this." "I want to support you." "I just..." "I'm not cool with that." "Well, I don't know what to do now." "The project's due." "Look, it's cool." "I'll do it, all right?" "What?" "I feel like we're friends already." "No, no, no, no, I need you." "I need you to help me shoot." "Look, you know what you're doing." "Come here." "Good, you're good." "You got this, all right?" "All right." "Okay?" "Yeah." "All right, let's do this." "Let's do it." "Let's get naked." "New friends getting naked together." "¶ I want to get wild with you ¶" "What?" "¶ I want to get wild with you ¶" "Perfect." "No, no, no, back to back." "¶ Wild with you ¶" "¶ I want to get wild with you ¶" "¶ I want to get wild with you ¶" "Nice meeting you." "Hey." "Uh, congratulations." "By the way, the whole thing, I'm sorry about, you know, not getting naked." "No, it's okay." "You're you, and Ford is Ford." "And he gets into things really hard and really fast." "You're more of a slow burn." "But I know I can count on you." "Yeah." "But, hey, we're still on for movie night at my place tonight?" "A 1933 Ernst Lubitsch film called "Design for Living."" "It's about two best friends." "I think you'd find it interesting." "It's kind of up your alley." "I have a better idea." "Come into the green room." "I... oh, wow." "Here, take a shot." "Uh, okay." "Hey, man." "What's going on?" "Callie had an idea." "Oh, did she?" "What do you... what do you..." "what's going on?" "Well, Ford is basically naked, and I'm about to be naked." "Oh, are you?" "Is... mm." "Oh, uh, 'kay." "Is..." "Yeah, hey, I'm not kissing you." "I didn't want you to." "So?" "We gonna do this?" "I guess." "Oh, screw it." "It's been a weird day." "Ah." "Whoa!" "Well, look what you did!" "I got it." "I kind of feel a little weird about last night." "Hey, yeah." "It was a little intense." "It wasn't... it wasn't quite what I was expecting, you know?" "Yeah, a lot more waiting around than I was expecting." "Waiting, yeah." "It was just waiting and then watching and just got a little weird." "Yeah." "Yeah, that's what it was." "I mean, I'm glad we did it, though." "Really?" "Yeah, I mean, I always wanted to have a threesome..." "I think." "I mean, not really with another guy, but it was... it was different." "It was... yeah." "Probably one-time thing, though." "You weren't into it?" "No, I mean, I was just..." "I just wasn't expecting you to be so... you know." "Good?" "Yeah, yeah, like, it was..." "you were very good." "She was really into it with you, and I was feeling..." "not so much." "That's BS." "You looked great naked." "Like... very, very straight." "It was nice." "Oh, that's as far as we have to go on that front, but thank you." "I appreciate it." "Hey, it's been long enough." "What do you say she meets our friends?" "You think that's a good idea?" "Totally." "We're having a company mixer." "Why doesn't she come along?" "Dude, she can't come along." "Ed's gonna be there." "Ed can't find out we're dating the same girl." "Okay, then she comes as one of our dates." "Whose?" "Normally, we play goodminton." "Today we don't play goodminton." "We play to win." "We play badminton, and the winner gets to take Callie to our dinner." "You're on, Rico Suave." "Idiots." "Oh, there he is right there." "Oh." "Yo, yo." "Uh-oh, there he is." "How's it going?" "Ford, thank you so much for coming." "Thank you for having us." "I want you to meet somebody very special:" "my girlfriend, Callie." "Hi." "Oh, pleasure to meet you." "Ford, good work nabbing this beautiful woman." "Oh, I know." "She keeps me young." "So where the drinks at?" "Oh, drinks are in the back." "Perfect." "Go at it." "All right, man." "Take care." "Ambien?" "Oh, no, thanks." "Isn't it, like, 2:00 in the afternoon?" "Sleep medication promotes especially vivid dreams." "And as you know, I can control myself in those dreams, mentally stimulating myself to the point of orgasm, really." "Yeah, right." "Of course." "It's like Pablo Picasso said:" ""Anything that you can imagine is real."" "So anything I imagine sexually, it will happen, no matter how sensual, how deviant, or how fantastic it might be." "Excellent." "Yesterday I was banging..." "Nope." "So how are things going?" "So I'm still working on my app." "Yeah?" "Let me see." "Oh, my." "So this is what I'll look like when I'm dead?" "I think it's a fair approximation." "Oh, my gosh, that's great." "Jess, you're gonna sell a bunch of those." "Thanks." "The interface still needs so much work, which is actually why I thought maybe I could send you some stuff and you can come up with some ideas, if you have a chance." "Sure, yeah." "Okay." "Can you believe that's our girlfriend?" "It's actually pretty weird when you say it like that." "What?" "No." "Come on." "Don't be so negative." "Things are going great." "I mean, we say "we love you" to her." "And how does she take that?" "Great." "She says, "I love you guys" back to us." "Like, "I love you each individually"" "or "I love you guys plural"?" "Uh, I think it's..." "I think she says, "I love you guys."" "I don't know." "I don't remember." "Why?" "Well, one is something you say to your boyfriend, and the other is something you say to, like, your bros in a beer commercial or something." "Okay." "I think she meant it." "We're gonna keep saying it, okay?" "Whatever." "Look, I didn't want to be the one to say this, but you realize this shit's getting really weird, right?" "What?" "Since when have you thought that?" "I've always thought that." "But you supported me." "You were the one who had all the good date ideas and, you know, the ideas for things to do and what's gonna make this thing work." "I just..." "I guess I didn't think you would take it this far." "I thought you'd realize pretty quickly that this is a bad arrangement." "It's not a bad arrangement." "It's real." "If this is real, if you have real feelings for someone," "I just..." "I don't understand how you can be okay with them not being completely into you too." "Wha..." "Look, I'm happy, okay?" "Come on." "You don't look very happy standing up here, pretending not to be her boyfriend." "I am." "I'm..." "Okay, look, yeah, okay?" "I do." "I want..." "I want her to like me the way she likes Ford." "Okay, great." "Go down there." "Go get her." "Win her back." "I don't know what you want me to say anymore, Noah." "Look, I'm try..." "I'm trying." "They're always doing something dumb and fun together, and I don't know how to compete with that." "Okay, be dumber and funner." "Yeah, that..." "that's probably... that's actually what I should do." "No, I was being sarcastic." "No, I mean, that's the only move I have left." "The me thing, that's not working." "What I need to do is be not me, be something other than me, be better than me." "Noah?" "You're great." "If you don't realize that, you're even dumber than I thought." "Great." "This is perfect." "Thanks for coming." "Hey." "Noah, what are you doing here?" "Let's go on a trip right now, you and me." "What about Ford?" "No, he can't make it." "Just you and me." "He's busy." "Got work stuff, you know." "Busy guy." "He does things." "Okay, all right." "Where are we going?" "I just love alligators." "There are no alligators in Minnesota." "No..." "Minnesota?" "Venezuela, not Minnesota." "Venezuela." "I see." "Okay, well, hang on." "You wait here." "I'm gonna go survey for alligators, and I'll be right back." "Wait, I should..." "No, no, just you wait here." "I'm gonna make sure it's safe." "I will call you in a second." "All right." "Hey." "Now." "Yeah?" "Come here." "This is gorgeous." "Here, come on over." "I'll show you when you get here." "Callie, Callie." "Come here." "Come here." "Come on up." "Ta-da!" "Oh, my God!" "Are you crazy?" "Let's do it right here." "No!" "Come on." "I am crazy." "Shh." "I am out of my mind!" "Oh, my God." "Come on!" "You have no clothes on!" "Come on." "No." "Come on." "No, no, no, stop." "Callie." "We can't do it here." "Callie, come on." "No, no, stop." "Come on." "No, no, no, no." "There's no... it's not- no, she's... she's my" "You stay away from me, okay?" "I have mace." "Please, no, stop." "There's no need to whi..." "there's no..." "I can..." "I can explain." "There's..." "I can explain." "I need you to bail me out." "I don't have any money." "What?" "Oh, you know what?" "We can call Ford." "No, no, no, we can't." "He's... he's busy." "Emery." "Um..." "Do you have a problem with Emery?" "Did you and Emery ever..." "Why does that matter?" "I don't know, because he's, you know, super handsome and amazing and a super-cool guy who's rich and has amazing pubes." "Pubes?" "Yeah." "What?" "I looked at his pubes, okay?" "Okay." "Okay, you know what?" "Forget about it." "Let's just call Ford." "Yeah, you're right." "He's probably not that busy." "Noah, did you make that up, that he's busy?" "No, no, I... he's..." "I'm just saying he's probably not, you know, as busy as, like, another busy person who's often busy might be." "Noah, are you still okay with us all dating?" "Yeah." "I'm super cool." "Doesn't seem like it." "I'm cool." "I can't believe you lied to her about me." "I'm sorry." "I needed alone time." "We had alone time." "We had schedules." "We're partners, remember?" "Right, great partners." "She hasn't even answered my last couple of calls." "She's holding you against me." "She liked us, Noah." "It was working." "What more did you need?" "I..." "Oh, and when is the last time me and you hung out..." "just us, messing around?" "We don't even do that without her around anymore." "Look, Ed's wedding's tomorrow, and if she doesn't show up, I don't have a date." "And that'll be your fault." "You know, I think the reason we're having problems with this whole Callie situation is because you're jealous of me." "Why would I be jealous of you?" "Maybe because me and Callie get along great together." "You know, we have fun." "I'm able to make her laugh." "She needs excitement, not somebody who can barely even trust her." "No, what she needs is someone who can keep a relationship going longer than two weeks and who can talk to her about things other than Big Buck Hunter." "I talk to her way more than just Big Buck..." "Hey, guys." "Oh, uh, hi." "You look... wow." "I wasn't sure if you were coming." "I wasn't sure either." "Well, you look beautiful." "I said that." "Talk to me, Noah." "You said you liked living with that guy and girl in Stuttgart, right?" "So did anyone ever have problems?" "Like, did anyone ever get jealous or anything like that?" "It actually ended in an interesting fashion." "Inga shot Marcus in the knee with a Heckler  Koch 9-millimeter." "It was a fricking bloodbath." "I thought you said it was fun." "By the end of the night, we were all dancing in the blood, so on the whole, I would still have to say it was a positive experience." "Hey, you're handsome, and you know it." "Clap your hands." "¶ I may have two left feet ¶" "¶ But I can still feel the beat ¶" "¶ And I keep dancing all night long ¶" "I'll take three." "Thanks." "¶How can I complain when... ¶" "Yeah, I'll take that." "Thank you." "¶ So I'll be dancing all night long ¶" "¶ Yeah, I'll be... ¶" "Want to dance?" "Sure." "¶ I've got a smile for everyone I see ¶" "¶ For everyone I see ¶" "Milady." "¶ Is playing just for me ¶" "You guys look cute together..." "Ford and his girl, you and Jess." "I'm glad you all came." "You... congratulations!" "Ed, you did it!" "You got married today!" "You... you're the man, Ed." "Oh, man, Ed's gonna have sex tonight!" "Shh." "I don't..." "he never did it before." "You're so loud." "It's gonna happen." "I wish I could be there." "No, you don't." "¶ Yeah, I'll be dancing all night ¶" "¶ Take my hand, darling ¶" "Oh, my God, hi." "Hey, guys." "You look happy." "We're getting married." "You're... you're..." "con... you guys, congratulations!" "I love this man so much." "Wait." "What about the whole "it's so awesome we're gay" ""'cause we can sleep around and still be in a relationship" thing?" "Oh, we're cutting back on that; honestly, it was getting to be a bit too much work emotionally." "And... we're still open to inviting the occasional fellow into our bed every now and then... you know, for a special occasion... a birthday, Easter..." "Well, I'm just happy everyone's having such a good time." "Excuse us." "Hello?" "Is this thing on?" "Bye." "Hey, can I have your attention, please?" "I'd like to make a toast to our newlyweds, Ed and Marta, proof that America deserves an interracial Romeo and Juliet." "Ed, you're not just a boss to me." "You're a... you are, but you're a great boss, a great one." "But more importantly, when I see you stare at Marta," "I see true love, something I haven't felt for a very, very long time until now." "Callie..." "Let me tell you guys, it feels awesome." "L'chaim." "Nope." "Stop, stop." "I got a little thing to say." "Hello, everybody." "I also have a toast I'd like to give." "I just want to say I love you, Ed." "I love you, Marta." "But most importantly," "I love these two people right here," "Ford and Callie." "Callie, come on." "Come on up." "Come on." "Now, not everyone knows this, but the three of us are actually dating each other." "We are all very much in love with each other, mutually." "And sexually." "And we shouldn't have to hide that, you know?" "I love you, Ford." "I love you, Callie." "We can make this work." "Jesus, Noah!" "All right, put on the swing music." "Everyone likes swing." "It's coming back." "Dude, what are you doing?" "I'm being you." "I'm being fun and honest and dumb." "Yeah, and telling Ed the one thing we discussed not to tell him?" "You're being ridiculous." "Stop yelling." "I'm not yelling!" "You're yelling!" "You're both yelling." "Come on." "I'm really disappointed." "Look, if you want to fire him, I'm sorry, but I'm not a sexual weirdo." "That's him." "It was his idea." "Look, look, look..." "That's bullshit!" "Listen..." "I'm sorry, Ed." "I wouldn't fire you if you would have told me discreetly." "Plus, this whole scene tonight?" "What?" "I know you love God and God is mad at us right now..." "Are you firing us?" "Look, I like you guys." "I want to give you two weeks' severance." "You're firing us?" "I need to go make apologies, okay?" "A bunch of superfreaks." "I'm not a sexual weirdo, though." "I'm sorry about that." "You doing okay?" "I'm sorry, Mama." "So?" "It was fun, right?" "Hey, what?" "Come on, guys." "It's over." "No." "Look, you don't have to break up with us." "Just... just choose." "I'm not gonna choose." "Right now, you guys are fighting, but you'll get over it." "I think I should just let you guys be together." "No." "Oh, come on." "We had an awesome time together." "Let's just end it right now, like this." "Sorry." "Wait." "Wait, wait." "No, come on, Callie." "Stop." "I... it's my fault." "I can fix it." "Shit." "Dude, what is wrong with you?" "Grow up." "You're telling me to grow up?" "Yeah." "I don't care if you read books or know about art." "You're more of a child than I am." "You're not even a person." "You're like a stupid golden retriever that everyone gives a pass to because it's a dog and it's an idiot." "This thing sucks, by the way." "It makes everything taste like metal." "Wow." "I liked her... in the first time in probably ever." "And you ruined that." "You tried to take her from me right here, right in front of me." "And you would have done that." "Yeah." "I would have." "Yeah." "So in what way are you my friend?" "¶ Everyone is wrong ¶" "¶ And we just won't be bothered ¶" "¶ As they want us to go along ¶" "¶ But we've ¶" "¶ Got other plans and hopes inside us ¶" "¶ So we'll keep moving on ¶" "¶ 'Cause there is no other way ¶" "¶ We just don't belong ¶" "¶ Here where all the words and thoughts ¶" "¶ Seem to lack color ¶" "¶ We're still young in mind ¶" "¶ We're still young in mind ¶" "Hey, so thanks for coming to meet me." "Yeah, of course." "I feel pretty stupid and embarrassed about the whole wedding thing." "Don't worry about it." "I want to show you something real quick." "I, uh... did a little artwork in the back... you know the background of your aging app." "No way." "Thank you." "Seriously, it looks awesome." "Really?" "Yes." "Cool." "But here's the thing." "I'm starting to do more painting, and I need a website, and I am no good at that, and I was wondering if, you know, you could help me out a little bit." "Yeah." "Of course." "I would love to help you." "All right." "Thank you." "And I also have been thinking that maybe you should just ask Ed for your job back." "I mean, he's a total softy." "He'll probably give it to you." "And we all just really miss you." "Maybe." "I," "I don't know." "I think I might just, like, try setting out on my own and doing my own thing, 'cause, you know, screw bills, right?" "Like, who needs water and power?" "Yes, electricity is very overrated." "I do miss you too." "Send me a picture." "Come on." ""I like the new hairdo, Marta." "Now, what are you wearing?"" ""Well, I'm wearing a suit now," ""but I might not be later." ""Oh, my goodness, those?" ""Those are my favorite, baby." "I love those socks." "Ooh."" "Oh." "Uh..." "Oh, come in." "Come in." "Hi, Ford." "Ed." "Look..." "I wronged you, and I'm sorry." "I'll do anything to get my job back." "I'll do weekends." "And overtime." "Okay, I'll babysit for you and Marta." "We don't have a kid." "Yet." "But the way you guys look at each other?" "It's only a matter of time." "All right, here's the deal." "Getting fired, it made me realize that I care about this job, probably more than I was willing to admit." "And when I put my mind to it, I'm good at what I do." "I may not be a creative genius, but I know how to get people's attention." "Plus, I'm one of the only two guys in the world who has been practicing this pitch for weeks." "What about Noah?" "He doesn't talk to me anymore." "Okay, so then if someone clicks here, then they can get a link to your paintings." "Okay, I got it." "We're not done." "Do you want to see some of the stuff I've been working on?" "Sure." "So this is my bad Banksy rip-off that I made back when I was young and impressionable." "So, you know, like two months ago or so." "I mean, it's awesome." "Everything's awesome." "And I'm not just saying that." "And I'm not just saying that I'm not just saying that." "Everything I'm saying is..." "So what are you saying?" "You're a great... painter." "You're a great painter." "Thank you." "No, it's... yeah." "Thank you." "Oh, no." "Oh, yeah." "No, no, no, no." "I must say, I still think Tight is your masterpiece." "Yeah." "Welcome to Buzzed." "We're thrilled to have you here today." "We're really excited about this campaign." "You're gonna flip." "So sit back, get comfortable, and Ford here is gonna take the lead." "Thanks, Ed." "You guys know the basic idea:" "a sprawling, city-wide scavenger hunt called the Converse Course." "But then we thought," ""What is the basic essence of this product?"" "Shoes are boring." "Sneakers are iconic." "Converse is the new rebel American icon, but it's also more than that." "It bonds together this generation with its sports, hip-hop, and punk rock forefathers." "Youthful idealism and fun." "It's a brand grounded in friendship." "It's a sneaker of your everyday." "Those multiple meanings... are what jump-started me and my partner when we came up with this." "You guys are staring at me like... okay, um..." "I'll..." "I'll be right back." "We had enchiladas for lunch yesterday, so..." "So scavenger hunts." "As you may not know, scavenger hunts were invented by..." "Canada." "What's going on?" "Ed, I don't know." "I don't know what got into me." "I'm sorry." "Dude, is everything okay?" "'Cause you are blowing it out there, okay?" "This is serious, Ford." "Look, I'll be fine." "Just go in there and buy me some time, please." "Fine." "Just a couple minutes, okay?" "But in those couple minutes, whatever you need to do, do it." "All right, man, I'm counting on you." "So what I was trying to say is," "Converse is more than just a name." "What I was gonna say is a lot of stuff about i... icon..." "Iconography." "Iconography." "But to be honest, I don't know what "iconography" means." "And that's why I'm here to handle all that nonsense." "Great to meet all of you." "Noah Anders, ladies and gentlemen." "Sorry I'm late." "I was just working on a little last-minute concept art." "Uh, I think Ford here has given you a good introduction to our theme." "Now, the central premise is this." "The Converse Course is to be conquered not by an individual but by a team of two." "Each partner will simultaneously take a different but parallel path through the city, following the clues and communicating with each other along the way." "And only by combining those clues and working together can they find the treasure." "It's a journey that requires steady communication and trust and perseverance." "The only way to find the pair of golden Converse is to first be a pair of friends." "Heavens to Betsy, that was incredible." "Oh, thank you, Ed." "I can't decide which is more glorious:" "your nuts or your noggin." "Oh." "So are you back for good?" "Uh, no, this was just a one-time thing." "Thank you for calling me." "Probably want to thank you." "Uh, no." "I want to say I'm sorry about how I acted at the wedding and what I said." "You're not a golden retriever." "You're a person." "Thanks." "I want to say sorry too, for trying to steal Callie." "That was probably the shittiest thing I've ever done." "Look, we got to find a way to get past this, okay?" "So I have an idea, which this is gonna sound a little crazy, but just go with me on this one." "I think we should punch each other in the face as many times as possible." "We just keep going until someone gives up..." "Are you for real?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Right here?" "Yeah, definitely." "Yeah." "Okay." "Okay." "Whew." "You sure?" "Yeah, let's go." "Like, you know, just like a boom." "Yeah." "Okay." "I... okay." "Don't want to break those." "Yeah, okay." "Um, good." "On three?" "On three." "So ready?" "Yeah." "Good?" "Mm-hmm." "Okay, um..." "Yeah, okay." "One, two, three." "Okay, look, see, we closed our eyes." "False start." "Yeah." "So we'll do it again." "Eyes open." "Eyes open." "On three." "In the face." "Yup." "And one, two..." "Ooh!" "Shit!" "Ah!" "You hit me!" "Ah, that hurts." "I don't know how boxers do this!" "You should have her." "What?" "Yeah, I don't think I ever really loved her." "I think I just..." "I loved the idea of her." "If she's your one, you should go for it." "I don't think she was my one." "Really?" "Yeah." "I mean, I want to be somebody's priority." "You know?" "I want someone who's gonna listen and care, someone who's gonna be 100% completely into me." "And only me." "No offense." "No, none taken." "She's probably with Emery now." "Yeah, you think?" "Yeah." "That guy looked good." "Yeah, he did." "But we're done with the punching, right?" "Yeah." "Cool." ""Dear Jess," ""I've made an incredible number of mistakes" ""over the past few months." ""But since they've all led up" ""to me getting to know you better," ""I wouldn't take back a single one of them." ""I don't know what you're doing today," ""but if you're not busy," ""there are some things around the city that might be cool to check out."" "¶ It's how we fall ¶" "¶ What if we lose?" "¶" "¶ Will we get to choose?" "¶" ""This is where you showed me" ""that you knew me better than I knew myself" ""and you gave me some good advice that I should have taken a lot earlier."" "¶ What if we run?" "¶" "¶ I want to feel closer ¶" ""This is where you showed me that you were a loyal friend even when I didn't have the courage to be me."" "¶ I want to feel closer ¶" "¶ Closer to you ¶" "¶ Oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh ¶" "¶ Oh, whoa-oh-oh ¶" "¶ Oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh ¶" "¶ Oh, whoa-oh-oh ¶" "¶ Oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh ¶" "¶ Oh, whoa-oh-oh ¶" "¶ Oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh ¶" ""This is where we danced for the first time."" "¶ Wish that I had stayed ¶" "¶ What if we lose?" "¶" "Hi." "Hi." "It was strawberry, right?" "For the dream date?" "Took you long enough." "¶ I want to feel closer ¶" "¶ I want to be closer ¶" "¶ I want to feel closer ¶" "¶ Closer to you ¶" "Whew." "Congratulations." "Thanks." "I think a part of me misses designing with you guys for the masses, but it's a very small part." "Very small." "Yeah." "This is cooler." "Yeah." "Matthias." "I know this guy." "Matthias, thank you so much for this whole party." "This is so cool." "It was an honor." "Your art is so stimulating." "Down, boy." "Seeing you and Jess together tonight gives me... how do you say..." "extreme waves of pleasure." "Maybe don't say it like that." "Oh, have you met Alexandra, the Nubian princess running the coat check?" "No." "I have." "And she has shared with me a little secret." "She has been lucid-dreaming since the age of 17." "Tonight we are going to paint the walls with all sorts of fluids." "Maybe I will have the art show." "Hey, guys." "Hey." "I'd like you to meet Sophie, my girlfriend..." "Hi." "Whose mother, by the way, is Annie Leibovitz's camera assistant." "Yeah, Annie Leibovitz." "That's definitely a person Ford knows." "Well, you know, I used to be a fan of her early portrait era, but now it's her post-bankruptcy era that absolutely has me mind-blown." "Wha-a-at?" "Look at you." "Yeah, maybe sometime we can all get together and go to dinner with my mom and her." "Yeah, that'd be great." "See?" "Isn't she just perfect?" "Yeah." "Look at you, man." "Everybody here admiring your work." "I'm proud of you." "Thanks, man." "Hey, I hope it's okay that I came." "Yeah, I..." "I think it's great." "I've been wanting to talk to you guys about something." "You want us back." "Both of us?" "We have girlfriends now." "Sorry, little late." "It was fun." "It was fine." "Uh, no, what I wanted to tell you was" "I loved us." "I really did care about you guys." "And I loved both of you." "But I love you more as friends, and that wasn't gonna happen if I was in the picture." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I mean, we did make a good couple, us three, right?" "Yeah, no, we were..." "a throuple, really." "An adorable throuple." "Yeah." "Hey, you know, here." "Take our photo." "It'll make the whole story easier to explain when you're telling people." "Yeah, all right." "Here's the deal." "In the dating game, there are so many things that can go wrong." "We might not be done making mistakes, but it finally feels like we're getting it right." "¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ Oh, oh... ¶" "Should we go back in coat check and make out for a minute?" "Yeah, probably." "¶ Oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ Oh, oh, oh ¶" "Well... my period of celibacy is over." "Human intercourse is truly a magnificent act." "Yeah." "It's all yours." "¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶" "I don't know why I just shook his hand." "Maybe we should just go back to my place." "Yeah." "¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ Oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ I feel just like I've been reborn ¶" "¶ Can you feel it too?" "¶" "¶ I know that we have survived the storm ¶" "¶ So what can't we do?" "¶" "¶ Oh, I believe in a different perfection now ¶" "¶ No white picket fence ¶" "¶ Simply saying that I'm never coming down ¶" "¶ We never touch the ground ¶" "¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ Oh, oh, oh ¶" "¶ Whoa, oh, oh ¶" "¶ We never touch the ground ¶" "Captioned by Captions, Inc." "Subrip by dandee"