"You are doomed Doctor." "Doomed!" "You are piloting your TARDIS into a deadly trap and even you will not suspect until it's far too late." "You know, if you're going to spy on me, you really should turn the speaker off." "My dear Doctor, after our many centuries of conflict naturally I wished you to know that your certain death is now certain!" "But even you will never suspect that your destruction awaits you on Planet Zaston IV." "You only turned the picture off I'm afraid, I can still hear you." "I know that." "Of course I know that." "Curse you!" "I wanted to talk to you anyway." "I have some news that even my arch enemy needs to hear." "Meet me on the Planet Terserus in two hours, relative time." "And do try not to be late." "Mock me while you may, Doctor." "My revenge will be all the sweeter." "And it will be a deadly vengeance." "It will be the deadly vengeance of deadly revenge!" "Where are we, Doctor?" "The Planet Terserus, once home to the Terserons, the most kindly and peace-loving race I've ever encountered." "And yet the most shunned and abhorred species in all history." "Why?" "They could communicate only by precisely modulated gastric emission." "Oh no." "Planet of the bottom-burps?" "So what happened to them?" "They discovered fire." "No doubt because no one has set foot on this planet for a hundred years, you thought you had escaped my traps of death." "But you forget Doctor, I too have a TARDIS." "When you told me to meet you at Castle Terserus," "I simply travelled back in time a hundred years and I bribed the architect." "Say hello to the spikes of doom!" "Say hello to the sofa of reasonable comfort." "Naturally I anticipated your journey back in time, and so I travelled slightly further back and bribed the architect first." "Or so you think!" "Naturally I anticipated your travelling back in time, so I travelled back in time to an even further point." "And I bribed the architect first." "Well, naturally I anticipated your journey back to an even earlier point..." "Doctor, will you stop showing off." "If you've got something to tell the Master, just tell him." "Very well." "I recently calculated that I have saved every planet in the known universe a minimum of 27 times." "But you know, I have grown weary of all the evil in the cosmos." "All the cruelty, all the suffering all those endless gravel quarries." "And so I have decided to retire, settle down and get married." "What?" "Yes." "Without even knowing I was looking, I have found a woman to love, a woman more fascinating than all my travels through time and space, a girl more exciting than an escape up a ventilation shaft," "a lover more thrilling than an army of cybernetic slugs." "Sadly Doctor, I can not wish you a long and happy marriage because the moment I am done with this nauseating conversation" "I shall travel back in time once more and buy the architect an expensive dinner and suggest he puts a lever just here and a trapdoor leading to the vast and disgusting sewers of Terserus, exactly there!" "Prepare for 500 miles of fear and faeces." "Goodbye, forever, Mr and Mrs Doctor!" "Since you appear to have fallen down a sewer you won't be able to have dinner with the architect, although in fact he's already eaten, because I had dinner with him and suggested he place a trapdoor right here." "Careful, my dear." "Not so fast!" "How can he be here?" "He just fell in the sewers." "And why's he so much older?" "Because it's taken me 312 years to climb out of those sewers." "And naturally you found your TARDIS and travelled back in time to the present day, no doubt to wreak one of your terrible revenge things." "Yes, but this time I did not come alone!" "After three centuries of having gone through those sewers, only the Daleks would accompany me," "because only the Daleks don't have noses." "So Doctor, we meet again." "Yes." "How are things?" "Observe Doctor, I am no longer merely a Time Lord." "My body has been augmented by superior Dalek technology." " So what can you do with that then?" " What?" "You don't know, do you?" "Exterminate!" "Exterminate!" "Exterminate!" "Stop!" "No!" "After 312 years of climbing through the biggest and most disgusting sewers in the cosmos," "After three centuries of wading through those vast steamy lakes, climbing those huge squelchy mountains," "After a lifetime of only dung slugs for food and the occasional company on those long, lonely nights..." "After all that I'm going to kill the Doctor myself, with my own bare hands!" "Die Doctor, die!" "Don't worry, I believe he know's the way out." "624 years in a sodding sewer!" "This way!" " This way!" " Exterminate!" "Exterminate!" "After them you fools!" "Get them!" "936 years in a sewer..." "Wait for me!" "Wait for me!" "These corridors all look the same!" " We should be safe in here." "Exterminate!" "Exterminate!" "So given that exterminating you would be the most sensible thing to do, why do they always change their minds at the last moment?" "I'll explain later." "Behold!" "Once again I have been augmented by superior Dalek technology, rejuvenating my physical form and granting me more power over the cosmos." "And, I notice, breasts." "They're not breasts, OK?" "They're Dalek bumps." "They can detect ion charged emissions, and operate as atheric beam locators at a distance of up to 20,000 light years." "They're also extremely firm." "Are you trying to say...?" "Oh, nothing." "Why are the Daleks helping you?" "What are you giving them in return?" "I have granted them secrets of the Zectronic Energy Beam." "Oh no, you fool!" "With the Zectronic Energy Beam the Daleks will be able to conquer the entire universe within minutes." "With just a beam?" "How?" "I'll explain later." "Prepare to operate the Zectronic Beam in five Dalek minutes." "I obey." "You may conquer the universe, but you'll have to share it with the beard and the bosoms over there." "The Master will be exterminated when he has served his purpose." "If the Master knew that the Daleks intend to kill him he might help us." "How are you going to tell him without the Daleks hearing?" "They'll exterminate you on the spot if you say anything." "I think we've really had it this time." "Don't cancel our wedding yet, my darling, there's just one thing you've forgotten." "What?" "Daleks don't have noses." "Scraping the barrel a bit there, aren't you?" "Think, my dear." "Back on Terserus the Master and I both bribed the castle architect." "Not only do I speak perfect Terseran, but so does he." "You mean..?" "Yes, I can communicate with the Master by carefully controlled breaking of wind." "Could I be tied to a different chair?" "Silence!" "Why do you have chairs on a Dalek spaceship anyway?" "We will explain later." "Danger?" "You are facing certain doob..." "Certain doob?" "Try not to clench!" "The Daleks... are planning..." "to exterminate you... as soon as you twiddley heepy jeepy." "Sorry, that was me." "Cease this communication!" "You have betrayed the Daleks!" "Exterminate!" "Exterminate!" "You fools!" "This Zectronic Beam Controller will now not only explode, it will implode." "We're doomed." "Prepare the Zectronic Beam!" "It is beyond my ability." "Only the Doctor can do it." "Help him, he's dying." "Yes, my darling?" "He er, he says "I love you"." "Oh Doctor." "You've killed him!" "I think not, my child." "This is only his ninth body." "He has many, many more." "Behold, the miracle of the Time Lord!" "Oh, sorry about that!" "I thought I'd just slip into something more comfortable." "Result?" "Cute, sexy and lick-the-mirror handsome." "I remember you, don't I?" "And you still fear me, Doctor?" "You're the camp one." "I'm not camp." "Oh yeah." "Nice tits!" "Bumps." "I remember you lot, of course. - And, er, you're my fiancée?" "You remember me then?" "How could I possibly forget the only time-travelling companion I've ever had?" "You've had lots of companions." "The only time-travelling companion I've had." "Oh right." "It's still me in here, Emma." "These old hearts are still yours." "Can you still love me in my new body?" "Actually I don't think I'll have too much of a problem with that." "Er, back to the TARDIS?" "The Zectronic Beam Controller is going to explode!" "Help us, Doctor, and your life will be spared." "What better way to end my career than saving you metal gits?" "Pop into the TARDIS, get a bottle of good champagne." "When you come out we'll start celebrating the beginning of our new life together." "Great." "I think in my new body I'm going to be particually good at rewiring." "Ooh, bugger." "Doctor?" "Ah." "You're my fiancée, aren't you?" "Oh dear." "Seem to be a bit shy of girls now." "All the problems of changing personas." "So unpredictable." "Doctor, look at me." "Wait a minute." "Oh dear, another girl." "I'm not a girl, Doctor, I've told you before." "These are Dalek bumps." "They can locate therapeutic beam emissions and... everything." "So, er, you don't want to try again, do you?" "Yes, probably not a bad idea, actually." "Shouldn't be too much of a problem." "Actually, I think the problems are probably located in this area." "Oh dear, look at that." "I've gone and used up three whole bodies in just under a minute, and all because I forgot to unplug first." "That really was terribly silly of me." "Sorry about that, my dear, bit unfortunate." "Oh, Doctor!" "Oh, assistant!" "Doctor!" "Residual energy." "I'm a stupid ass." "I should have realised." "The Doctor has saved the Daleks." "His life will be spared." "No, his life is already lost." "That was a discharge of pure Zectronic Energy." "Even a Time Lord cannot survive its terrible power." "But he can just change again." "Can't you, Doctor?" "I'm afraid not, my dear." "Zectronic Energy... too powerful." "It has destroyed my ability to regenerate." "I'm afraid this is... the end." "Look after the universe for me;" "I've put a lot of work into it." "But how can we look after it without you?" "I'll..." "Explain..." "Doctor, listen to me." "You can't die." "You're too..." "You're too nice." "Too brave, too kind and far, far too silly." "You're like Father Christmas!" "The Wizard of Oz!" "Scooby Doo!" "And I love you very much." "And we all need you, and you simply cannot die!" "He was the best and bravest of all my foes." "From this day forward I will renounce evil, and follow the path of goodness, to honour my fallen foe." "The Doctor saved the Daleks." "The Daleks too will honour their mortal enemy." "He was never cruel and never cowardly, and it'll never be safe to be scared again." "It's impossible!" "Beyond all known laws of the universe!" "Maybe even the universe can't bear to be without the Doctor." "Emma, look, I've got atheric beam locators." "No Doctor, I'm afraid those are actual breasts." "Are you sure?" "I think I can see the 'on' switch." "No, Doctor, we have to face facts." "You've come back to life, and this time you're a woman." "Really?" "I've always wanted to get my hands on one of these." "Unfortunately, I haven't." "You're mother's going to get a bit of a surprise at the wedding, isn't she?" "Do you think we'll both wear white?" "I'm afraid, Doctor, and I'm not sure this sentence has ever been used so completely accurately before, but... you're just not the man I fell in love with." "Well, never mind." "We can still rattle around the universe, fighting monsters and saving planets." "What could be more fun?" "My best friend by my side, my trusty old TARDIS, and, of course..." "...my sonic screwdriver." "Ooh look, it's got three settings!" "Doctor, stop that!" "Doctor, I have to say you are rather gorgeous." "I'm not bad, am I?" "And, come to think of it, you're a great deal more attractive than I remember." "Why, thank you." "Tell me, why do they call you "the Master"?" "I'll explain later."