"Another Caucasian, Gary." "Right, Dude." "Friends like these, huh, Gary?" "That's right, Dude." "Do you have A good sarsaparilla?" "Bartender:" "Sioux city sarsaparilla?" "Yeah." "That's a good one." "How you doin' there, Dude?" "Not too good, man." "One of those days, huh?" "Yeah." "Well..." "A wiser fella than myself once said," ""Sometimes you eat the bar and--"" "Much obliged." ""And sometimes the bar, well..." "He eats you."" "Hmm." "That some kind of eastern thing?" "Far from it." "I like your style, Dude." "Hmm." "Well..." "I dig your style, too, man." "You got a whole cowboy thing going." "Thankie." "There's just one thing, Dude." "And what's that?" "Do you have to use so many cuss words?" "What the fuck are you talking about?" "Ok, Dude," "Have it your way." "Take her easy, Dude." "Yeah." "Thanks, man." "Call for you, Dude." "Hello?" "Maude:" "Jeffrey, you have not gone to the doctor." "Uh, oh, yeah." "no--no, I haven't yet." "Uh" "I'd like to see you immediately." "Oh?" "So you're Lebowski." "Yeah." "Maude has told me all about you." "She'll be back in a minute." "Sit down." "Do you want a drink?" "Yeah, sure." "White Russian." "The bar's over there." "So what do you do, Lebowski?" "Who the fuck are you, man?" "Just a friend of Maudie's." "Yeah, the friend with the cleft asshole?" "What do you do?" "Oh, nothing much." "Maude:" "Hello, Jeffrey." "Hello." "Yeah, how are you?" "Um..." "Listen, Maude," "I got to, uh..." "Tender my resignation or whatever," "Because, uh...it looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all." "She most certainly was not." "Hey, man, why don't you fucking..." "Listen occasionally?" "You might learn something." "Now, I got" "Please don't call her my mother." "She's most definitely the perpetrator and not the victim." "I'm telling you, I got pretty definitive evidence" "From who?" "From the main guy-- Oolie." "Oolie Coco?" "Her co-star in the beaver picture?" "Beaver?" "you mean vagina" "I mean, you know the guy?" "I might have introduced them for all I know." "Do you remember Oolie?" "Hmm." "He's a musician." "Used to have a group--Autobahn." "Look in my LP's." "They released one album in the late seventies." "Their music is sort of a--ugh--technopop." "So he's pretending to be the abductor?" "Well, yeah." "Look, Jeffrey, you don't really kidnap someone you're acquainted with." "The whole idea is that the hostage can't be able to identify you after you've let them go." "I know that." "What the fuck is with this guy?" "Who is he?" "Knox Harrington." "The video artist." "So Oolie has the money?" "Well..." "Uh, no, not exactly." "Uh..." "This is a very complicated case, Maude." "A lot of ins, a lot of outs, a lot of what-have-yous, and, uh, a lot of, uh, strands to keep in my head, man." "A lot of strands in old Duder's head." "Hello?" "If Oolie doesn't have it, then who does?" "Ha ha ha ha!" "It's Sandra, about the Bearnali." "Uh, look, I have to take this." "Do you still have that doctor's number?" "Oh." "No, really." "It's not even bruised anymore." "Oh, please, Jeffrey," "I don't want to be responsible" "For any delayed after-effects." "After-effects?" "Maude:" "See, see." "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Could you slide your shorts down," "Mr. Lebowski, please?" "Hmm?" "No." "No, man." "She hit me right here." "I understand." "Could you slide your shorts down, please?" "# Just got home from Illinois #" "# Lock the front door, oh, boy #" "# Got to sit down, take a rest on the porch #" "# Imagination sets in #" "# Pretty soon I'm singin' #" "# Doo doo doo #" "# Lookin' out my back door #" "# There's a giant doing cartwheels #" "# A statue wearing' high heels #" "# Look at all the happy creatures #" "# Dancin' on the lawn #" "# A dinosaur Victrola #" "# Listenin' to Buck Owens #" "# Doo doo doo #" "# Lookin' out my back door #" "Ow!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "# Tambourines and elephants are playing in the band #" "# Wondrous apparition #" "# Provided by magician #" "# Doo doo doo #" "# Lookin' out my back door #" "# Tambourines and elephants #" "# Are playing in the band #" "# Won't you take a ride on the flying' spoon?" "#" "# Doo doo doo #" "# Bother me tomorrow #" "# Today I'll buy no sorrows #" "# Doo doo doo #" "# Lookin' out my back door #" "He lives in north Hollywood, on Radford, near the in-n-out burger." "The in-n-out burger's on Camrose." "Near the in-n-out burger." "Those are good burgers, Walter." "Shut the fuck up, Donny." "The kid is in ninth grade, Dude," "And his father is-- Are you ready for this?" "His father is Arthur Digby Sellers." "Who the fuck is that?" "Huh?" "Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers?" "Ever heard of a little show called branded, Dude?" "Yes, I know" "All but one man died there at bitter creek?" "I know the fucking show, Walter." "So what?" "Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes, Dude." "Huh." "The bulk of the series." "Oh." "Not exactly a lightweight." "No." "And yet his son is a fucking dunce." "Heh." "Anyway, we'll go there after the what-have-you, we'll brace the kid, should be a pushover." "We'll be near the in-n-out burger." "Shut the fuck up, Donny!" "We'll go out there, we'll brace the kid," "He should be a pushover." "We'll get that fucking $1 million back" "If he hasn't spent it already." "A million fucking clams." "And yes, we'll be near the, uh..." "In-n-out." "Hey, shh!" "Shh!" "Some burgers, some beers, a few laughs." "Our fucking troubles are over, Dude." "Oh, fuck me, man!" "That kid's already spent all the money, man!" "New 'vette?" "Hardly, Dude." "I'd say he still has 960, $970,000 left, depending on the options." "Wait in the car, Donny." "Woman:" "Yes?" "Pilar?" "My name is Walter Sobchak." "This is my associate Jeffrey Lebowski." "Um, we came to talk about little Larry." "May we come in?" "Pilar:" "Yes, yes." "Thank you." "That's him, Dude." "And a good day to you, Sir!" "Uh, sit down, please." "Larry, sweetie, that man is here!" "Is he..." "Does he still write?" "Oh, no, no." "He has health problems." "Uh-huh." "Uh, sir, I just want to say, uh..." "That we're both, on a personal level..." "Really enormous fans." "Branded, especially the early episodes, was truly a source of inspiration" "Pilar:" "Sweetie, sit down!" "Uh, this man is the police." "Oh, no, ma'am, we didn't want to give the impression that we were police exactly." "We're hoping it won't be necessary to call the police." "But that's up to little Larry here." "Isn't it, Larry?" "Is this your homework, Larry?" "Is this your homework, Larry?" "Look, man" "Dude, please." "Is this your homework, Larry?" "Just ask him about the car, man." "Is this yours, Larry?" "Is this your homework, Larry?" "Is that your car out front?" "Is this your homework, Larry?" "We know it's his fucking homework!" "Where's the fucking money, you little brat?" "Look, Larry..." "Have you ever heard of Vietnam?" "You're entering a world of pain, son." "we know that this is your homework." "We know that you stole the car." "And the fucking money!" "And the fucking money." "And we know that this is your homework." "We're gonna cut your dick off, Larry." "You're killing your father, Larry." "All right." "This is pointless." "Ok?" "It's time for plan "b."" "You might want to watch out that front window, Larry." "Son, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!" "Little language problem here." "The little prick's stonewalling me." "Walter!" "What--what are you doing, man?" "What are you doing?" "Here you go, Larry." "You see what happens?" "You see what happens, Larry?" "You see what happens?" "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Larry!" "This is what happens, Larry!" "You see what happens, Larry?" "You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?" "This is what happens." "You see what happens, Larry?" "You see what happens, Larry?" "Do you see what happens, Larry, when you fuck a stranger in the ass?" "This is what happens, Larry!" "Man:" "No!" "This is what happens, Larry!" "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger" "What the fuck are you doing, man?" "!" "Stop it!" "I just bought that fucking car last week!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa..." "I'm gonna fuckin' kill you!" "I just bought the fucking car last week!" "I'll kill your fucking car, man!" "No!" "No!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "That's not his--hey!" "God damn it!" "No!" "Oh, no!" "Man:" "Fuck you!" "You like that?" "Fuck you!" "I kill your fucking car!" "I accept your apology." "No." "I just--I just" "Want to handle it by myself from now on." "No, no, no." "That has nothing to do with it." "Yes, the car made it home." "You're calling me at home." "No, Walter, it did not look like..." "Larry was about to crack." "Well, that's your perception." "You know, Walter, you're right." "There is an unspoken message here." "It's fuck you!" "Leave me the fuck alone!" "Yeah, I'll be at practice." "Pin your diapers on, Lebowski." "Jackie Treehorn wants to see you." "Jackie Treehorn knows which Lebowski you are." "Jackie Treehorn wants to see the deadbeat Lebowski." "You're not dealing with morons here." "Hello, Dude." "Thanks for coming." "I'm Jackie Treehorn." "This is quite a pad you got here, man." "Completely unspoiled." "What's your drink, Dude?" "White Russian." "Thanks." "White Russian." "How's the smut business, Jackie?" "I wouldn't know, Dude." "I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy." "Oh." "Which one's Logjamming?" "Yes, regrettably, it's true." "Standards have fallen in adult entertainment." "It's video, Dude." "Now that we're competing with those amateurs," "We can't afford to invest in little extras, like story, production value, feelings." "You know, people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone." "On you maybe." "Of course, you have to take the good with the bad." "New technology permits us to do very exciting things" "In interactive erotic software." "Wave of the future, Dude." "100% electronic." "Hmm." "Well..." "I still jerk off manually." "Of course you do." "I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point." "Well, here it is, Dude." "Where's Bunny?" "Well, I thought you might know that, man." "Why would I?" "She only ran off to get away from that rather sizable debt to me." "No." "She didn't run off." "She's been, um" "I've heard that kidnapping story, so save it." "I know you're mixed up in all this, Dude," "And I don't care what you're trying to get from the husband." "That's your business." "All I'm saying is..." "I want mine." "Yeah, right, man." "I mean, there are a lot of, um," "Facets to this, a lot of interested parties." "Excuse me." "Yeah?" "Oh, yeah." "Where's that?" "All right." "Excuse me." "Oh." "Forgive me." "No problemo, man." "So, uh..." "If I, uh, can find your money..." "Uh, what's in it for The Dude?" "Well, of course, there's that to discuss." "Uh, refill?" "Yeah." "The pope shit in the woods?" "10% finder's fee." "That all right?" "Mmm." "Ok." "Done, Jackie." "Yeah." "I dig the way you do business, man." "Your money is being held" "By a kid named Larry Sellers." "He lives in north Hollywood," "On Radford, uh..." "By the in-n-out burger." "A fuckin' brat, but I'm sure your goons" "Can get it off him." "I mean, he's 15." "Flunking social studies." "So, if you could just, uh..." "Write me a check for my 10% of half a million... 5 grand..." "I'll go out and mingle" "You mix a hell of a Caucasian, Jackie." "A 15-year-old kid." "Is this some sort of a joke?" "No, no joke." "No funny stuff, Jackie." "the kid's got it." "Hi, fellas." "The kid just wanted a car." "All The Dude ever wanted was his rug back." "I'm not greedy." "It would really..." "Tie the room together." "The stranger:" "Darkness washed over The Dude." "Darker than a black steer's took us" "On a moonless prairie night." "There was no bottom." "# Yeah, yeah #" "# Oh, yeah #" "# What condition my condition was in #" "# I woke up this morning with the sun down #" "# Shinin' in him #" "# I found my mind in a brown paper bag #" "# But then #" "# I tripped on a cloud and fell 8 miles high #" "# I tore my mind on a jagged sky #" "# I just dropped in #" "# To see what condition my condition was in #" "# Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah #" "# What condition my condition was in #" "# I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole #" "# And then I followed it in #" "# I watched myself crawling' out #" "# As I was crawlin' in #" "# I got up so tight #" "# I couldn't unwind #" "# I saw so much #" "# I broke my mind #" "# I just dropped in #" "# To see what condition my condition was in #" "# Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah #" "# What condition my condition was in #" "# Someone painted echoes on #" "# In big black letters #" "# On the dead inside #" "# I kept my foot on the gas #" "# As I left the road #" "# Blew out my mind # # 8 miles out of Memphis, and I got no spare #" "# 8 miles straightened up downtown somewhere #" "# I just dropped in #" "# To see what condition my condition was in #" "# I said, I just dropped in #" "# To see what condition my condition was in #" "# Yeah #" "# Oh, yeah #" "Ah..." "Ah..." "Ah..." "But the charge was true and they say he ran away branded!" "Is this your only I.D.?" "I know my rights, man." "You don't know shit, Lebowski." "I want a fucking lawyer, man." "I want..." "Bill Kunstler, man." "Or Ron Coobie." "Mr. Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you from his garden party, that you were drunk and abusive." "Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man." "Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town." "You don't draw shit, Lebowski." "Now we got a nice quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet." "So let me make something plain." "I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski." "I don't like your jerk-off name," "I don't like your jerk-off face," "I don't like your jerk-off behavior," "And I don't like you..." "Jerk-off." "Do I make myself clear?" "I'm sorry." "I wasn't listening." "Ow!" "Fucking fascist!" "Aah!" "Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski!" "Ow!" "Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat!" "Keep your ugly fucking gold-bricking ass out of my beach community." "# I want to sleep with you in the desert tonight #" "# With a billion stars all around #" "Jesus..." "Man, could you change the channel?" "Fuck you, man!" "if you don't like my music, get your own fucking cab!" "I had a really rough" "I'll pull over and kiss your ass out." "Man, come on, I had a rough night," "And I hate the fucking eagles, man." "Out of my fucking cab!" "Out!" "Get" "Hey..." "Man!" "Man, hey!" "# Devil-may-care #" "# And I'm the devil with love to spare #" "# So viva, Las Vegas #" "# Viva, Las Vegas #" "Oh..." "Jesus." "Jeffrey." "Maude?" "Love me." "Uh, that's my robe." "Maude:" "Tell me about yourself, Jeffrey." "Well, not much to tell." "I, um, I was one of the authors of the port Huron Statement." "The original Port Huron Statement." "Uh-huh." "Not the compromised second draft." "Uh, and then I, uh, you ever hear of the Seattle 7?" "Mmm." "That was me." "And, um, the 6 other guys." "Um, and then a music business briefly." "Oh?" "Yeah, a roadie for Metallica." "Oh." "Speed of sound tour." "Mm-hmm." "Bunch of assholes." "Uh, and then, you know," "A little of this, a little of that." "My career's slowed down a little lately." "What do you do for recreation?" "Oh, the usual." "Bowl, drive around." "The occasional acid flashback." "What happened to your house?" "Oh, Jackie Treehorn trashed the place." "He thought I had your father's money." "He got me out of the way while he looked for it." "Cocktail?" "No, thanks." "It's not my father's money." "It's the Foundation's." "Why did he think you have it?" "And who does?" "Oh, Larry Sellers, this high school kid." "Real fucking brat." "You know, this is a very complicated case, Maude." "Lotta ins, lotta outs." "You know, fortunately," "I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regiment to keep my mind, you know," "Uh, limber, you know." "Very fucking close to your father's money." "I keep telling you it's the Foundation's money." "Father doesn't have any." "What are you talking about?" "he's fucking loaded." "No, no, the wealth was all mother's." "No, he runs stuff, uh" "We did let him run one of the companies briefly," "But he didn't do very well at it." "No, he's, you know." "No, he helps administer the charities now, and I give him a reasonable allowance." "He has no money of his own." "I know how he likes to present himself." "Father's weakness is vanity." "Hence, the slut." "Uh, do you think he, uh" "What is that, yoga?" "It increases the chances of conception." "Increases?" "Well, yes." "What did you think this was all about?" "Fun and games?" "I want a child." "Ok, yeah, ok, but let me" "Ahem, let me explain something about The Dude." "Uh, look, Jeffrey," "I don't want a partner." "In fact, I don't want the father to be someone I have to see socially or who'll have any interest in raising the child himself." "Oh, so that doctor" "Exactly." "Now, what happened to your face?" "Did Jackie Treehorn Do that as well?" "No, uh, it was the chief of police of Malibu." "A real reactionary." "So, your father..." "Oh, yeah, I get it." "Yeah, yeah." "What?" "Oh, man, my thinking about this case had become very uptight." "Yeah, your father." "Jeffrey, what are you talking about?" "Jeffrey!" "Walter, if you're there, pick up the fucking phone, man, come on, Walter." "Pick it up, man, this is an emergency." "Come on, enough--Dude?" "Yeah, listen, Walter, I'm at my place." "I need you to come pick me up." "I can't drive, Dude, It's Erev Shabbos." "What?" "Erev Shabbos." "I can't drive." "Man!" "I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone unless it's an emergency." "This is a fucking emergency." "I understand." "That's why I picked up the phone." "Walter, you fuck, we gotta go to Pasadena, man." "Come pick me up or I'm off the fucking bowling team." "Get out of that fucking car, man." "Get out of that fucking car!" "Get the fuck out of the car, man." "Get out of the fucking" "Who the fuck are you, man?" "Easy, man." "Relax, man." "No physical harm intended." "Who the fuck are you?" "Why are you following me around?" "Come on, fuckhead." "Relax, man." "I'm a brother Seamus." "Brother Seamus?" "Like an Irish monk?" "What the fuck are you talking about?" "My name is Da Fino." "I'm a private snoop, like you, man." "What?" "A dick, man." "And let me tell you something." "I dig your work." "Playing one side against the other." "In bed with everybody." "Fabulous stuff, man." "I'm not--fuck it, man." "Just stay away from my fucking lady friend." "Hey, hey, I'm not messing with your special lady." "She's not my special lady." "She's my fucking lady friend." "I'm just helping her conceive, man." "Hey, man, I'm not" "Who are you working for?" "Lebowski?" "Jackie Treehorn?" "The Knutsens." "The--who the fuck are the Knutsens?" "The Knutsen's." "It's a wandering daughter job." "Bunny Lebowski, man." "Her real name is Fawn Knutsen." "Her parents want her back." "Jesus fucking Christ." "Crazy, huh?" "Ran away about a year ago." "The Knutsens told me I should show her this when I found her." "It's the family farm." "It's outside of Moorhead, Minnesota." "They think it'll make her homesick." "Oh, boy." "How are you gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus?" "She's been kidnapped, Da Fino." "Oh, man." "Oh, I don't know." "maybe not," "But she's definitely not around." "Hey, maybe you and me could pool our resources." "Trade information." "Professional courtesy." "Compeers, you know what I mean?" "Yeah, yeah, I get it." "Fuck off, Da Fino." "And stay away from my special" "From my fucking lady friend, man." "Ze lingonberry pancakes." "Lingonberry pancakes." "Sree pigs in blanket." "Dieter:" "Huh?" "She has lingonberry pancakes." "I mean we totally fucked it up, man." "We fucked up his payoff, we got the kidnappers all pissed off," "And Lebowski, you know, he yelled at me a lot," "But he didn't do anything, huh?" "Well, sometimes it's a cathartic" "No, no, I'm saying if he knows I'm a fuck-up, why does he leave me in charge" "Of getting his wife back?" "Because he doesn't fucking want her back, man." "He's had enough." "He no longer digs her." "It's all a show." "Ok, but then, why doesn't he give a shit" "About his million bucks?" "I mean, he knows we never handed off his briefcase, but he never asked for it back." "The million bucks was never in the briefcase." "The briefcase was fucking empty, man." "The asshole was hoping that they would kill her." "You threw out a ringer for a ringer." "Ok, but how does this all add up" "To an emergency?" "Huh?" "I'm saying I see what you're getting at, Dude," "He kept the money." "My point is, ahem, here we are, it's Shabbos, the Sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death." "Will you come off it, Walter?" "You're not even fucking Jewish, man." "What the fuck are you talking about?" "You're fucking Polish-catholic." "What the fuck are you talking about?" "I converted when I married Cynthia." "Come on, Dude." "Yeah, yeah." "You know this." "And 5 fucking years ago, you were divorced." "So what are saying?" "When you get divorced," "You turn in your library card?" "You get a new license?" "You stop being Jewish?" "This is the driveway, huh?" "I'm Jewish as fucking Tevye." "Man, you know, it's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing." "Man, taking care of her fucking dog." "Going to her fucking synagogue." "You're living in the fucking past." "3,000 years of beautiful tradition from Moses to Sandy Koufax, you're goddamn right" "I'm living in the fucking past!" "I--Jesus." "What the hell happened?" "# Viva Las Vegas #" "Ah!" "Where was she, man?" "Visiting friends of hers in palm springs." "She just picked up and left." "Never bothered to tell us." "Well, I guess the fucking nihilist knew where she was." "Jesus, Dude, she never even kidnapped herself." "Who is this gentleman, Dude?" "Who am I?" "I'm a fucking veteran." "He shouldn't go in there, Dude." "He's very angry." "Hello, man." "So, she's back, no thanks to you." "Where's the fucking money, Lebowski?" "A million bucks from fucking needy" "Little urban achievers!" "You are scum, man!" "Who the hell is he?" "Who am I?" "Who am I?" "I'm the guy that's gonna kick" "Your phony goldbricking ass!" "That's who I am." "Man, we know the briefcase was fucking empty." "We know you kept the million bucks for yourself." "You have your story, I have mine." "I say I entrusted the money to you," "And you stole it." "As if we would ever dream of taking your bullshit money!" "You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped, and you were fucking glad, man." "You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear." "All you needed was a sap to pin it on." "You just met me." "You--human paraquat!" "You figured, oh, here's a loser, you know." "A deadbeat." "somebody the square community" "Won't give a shit about." "Well, aren't you?" "Well, yeah, but" "Get out, both of you." "Look at that fucking phony, Dude." "Pretending to be a fucking millionaire." "Out of this house now, you bums!" "Let me tell you something else." "I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude," "And this guy's a fake." "A fucking goldbricker." "Stay away from me, mister!" "This guy fucking walks." "I've never been more certain of anything in my life." "You stay away from me!" "Walter, for Christ's sake, man, he's a cripple." "Come on, come on." "Get away from me!" "Aah!" "Put him down, man!" "Yeah, I'll put him down, Dude!" "Rauss!" "Achtung, baby!" "Come on, man, help me put him back in his chair." "Sure, you'll see some tank battles." "But fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle." "I mean 'nam was a foot soldier's war." "Whereas, this thing should, uh, you know, should be a piece of cake." "I mean, I had an M16, Jacko." "Not an Abrams fucking tank." "Me and Charlie, eyeball to eyeball." "Yeah." "That's fuckin' combat." "The man in the black pajamas, Dude." "Worthy fuckin' adversary." "Who's in pajamas, Walter?" "Shut the fuck up, Donny." "Whereas, what we have here..." "Lots of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse on a soviet tank." "This--this is not a worthy" "Hey!" "What's this day of rest shit?" "What's this bullshit!" "I don't fuckin' care!" "It don't matter to Jesus." "But you not fooling me, man." "You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus." "It's bush league psyche-out stuff." "Laughable, man." "Ha ha!" "I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday." "I'll fuck you in the ass Next Wednesday instead." "Whoo!" "You got a date Wednesday, baby." "He's cracking." "The whole concept of Asia." "I mean, many learned men have disputed this, but in the 14th century." "the rabahm, he" "Well, they finally did it." "They killed my fucking car." "We want some money, Lebowski." "Ja, otherwise, we kill the girl." "Ja, it seems you have forgotten" "Our little deal, Lebowski." "You don't have the fucking girl, dipshit." "We know you never did." "Are these the Nazis, Walter?" "No, Donny, these men are nihilists." "There's nothing to be afraid of." "Vee don't care." "Vee still want the money," "Lebowski, or we'll fuck you up." "Fuck you." "Fuck the 3 of yous." "No, without a hostage, there is no ransom." "That's what ransom is." "Those are the fucking rules." "His girlfriend gave up her toe." "She zought we'd be getting $1 million." "It's not fair." "Fair?" "Who's the fucking nihilist around here?" "You bunch of fucking crybabies." "Cool it, Walter." "Hey, look, pal," "There never was any money." "The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase," "So take it up with him, man." "Yeah, and I would like my undies back." "Are these guys gonna hurt us, Walter?" "No, Donny, these men are cowards." "Ok, so we take ze money you haf on you" "And we calls it even." "Fuck you." "Hey, no, come on, Walter, come on." "We're ending this thing cheap, man." "No, what's mine is mine." "Oh, come on, Walter." "Dieter:" "No funny stuff." "All right, all right, I got," "Uh, 4 bucks, almost 5." "I got $18." "Walter:" "What's mine is mine." "We fuck you up, man." "We takes the money." "Come and get it." "Dieter:" "We fuck you up." "Show me what you got, nihilist." "I fuck you." "Walter, come on, he's got a sword." "Fucking dipshit with a 9-toed woman." "Fuck you!" "Fuck you!" "I fuck you up!" "Take it easy, man." "Here's the $4.00." "I got a fucking ball, man." "Aah!" "Anti-semite!" "I fuck you in ze ass." "I fuck you in ze ass." "I fuck you!" "I fuck you!" "We got a man down, Dude." "God, they shot him, man." "No, Dude." "They shot Donny?" "There weren't any shots fired." "Huh?" "It's a heart attack." "Call the medics, Dude." "I'd go myself, but I'm pumping blood." "Might pass out." "Rest easy, good buddy, you're doing fine." "We got help choppering in." "Hello, gentlemen." "You are the bereaved?" "Yeah, man." "Francis Donnelly." "Pleased to meet you." "Jeff Lebowski." "Walter Sobchak." "The Dude, actually, is, uh" "Excuse me?" "Oh, nothing." "Yes, I understand you're taking away the remains." "Yeah." "We have the urn." "I assume this is credit card." "Yeah." "Walter:" "Ahem." "What's this?" "That's for the urn." "Don't need it." "We're Scattering the ashes." "Yes, so we Were informed." "However, we must, Of course," "Transmit the remains To you in a receptacle." "This is $180." "It is our most modestly priced receptacle." "Can we just, uh--$180?" "They range up to 3,000." "Uh, we're, uh, ahem!" "Can't we just rent it from you?" "Sir, this is a mortuary, not a rental house." "We're scattering the fucking ashes!" "Look, just because we're bereaved," "Doesn't make us saps!" "Sir, please, lower your voices." "Man, don't you have, you know," "Something else we could put him in, you know?" "That is our most modestly priced receptacle." "God damn it!" "Is there a Ralph's around here?" "Donny was a good bowler" "And a good man." "He was one of us." "He was a man who loved the outdoors and bowling." "And as a surfer, he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and up to Pismo." "He died--he died as so many men of his generation," "Before his time." "In your wisdom, Lord, you took him." "As you took so many bright, flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Lan Doc, and Hill 364." "These young men gave their lives." "So did Donny." "Donny who loved bowling." "And so, Theodore Donald Karabatsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been," "We commit your final mortal remains" "To the bosom of the pacific ocean, which you loved so well." "Good night, sweet prince." "Shit." "Oh, shit, Dude, I'm sorry." "God damn wind." "God damn it, Walter." "You fucking asshole!" "Dude, I'm sorry." "Everything's a fucking travesty with you, man." "I'm sorry." "It was an accident." "What was that shit About Vietnam?" "What the fuck does anything have to do with Vietnam?" "What the fuck are you talking about?" "Dude, I'm sorry." "Fuckin'..." "Fuck, Walter." "Come on, Dude." "Hey, fuck it, man." "Let's go bowling." "And when you're sitting there in your silk upholstered chair talkin' to some rich folks that you know" "well, I hope you don't see me in my ragged company" "Aw, that you know I could never be alone" "2 oat sodas, Gary." "Good luck tomorrow." "Yeah, thanks, man." "I'm sorry to hear about Donny." "Oh, well, yeah, you know," "Sometimes you eat the bar," "And sometimes, you know" "Hey, man!" "Howdy doo, Dude." "I wondered if I'd see you again." "I wouldn't miss the semis?" "How have things been going?" "Oh, you know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs." "Sure." "I gotcha." "Yeah." "Thanks, Gary." "Well, take care, man." "Gotta get back." "Sure." "Take it easy, Dude." "Oh, yeah." "I know that you will." "Yeah, well, The Dude abides." "The Dude abides." "I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that." "It's good knowing he's out there, The Dude." "Takin' her easy for all us sinners." "Shoosh." "I sure hope he makes the finals." "Well, that about does her." "Wraps her all up." "Things seemed to have worked out pretty good for The Dude and Walter." "And it was a pretty good story," "Don't you think?" "Made me laugh to beat the band." "Parts, anyway." "I didn't like seeing Donny go." "But then I happen to know" "That there's a little Lebowski on the way." "I guess that's how the whole darn human comedy keeps perpetuating itself down through the generations." "westward in the wagons, and across the sands of time until we" "Oh, look at me." "I'm ramblin' again." "Well, I hope you folks enjoyed yourselves." "Catch ya later on down the trail." "Say, friend, you got any more of that goodSarsaparilla?"