"Previously on "In Treatment"..." "My dad is the most important person to me in this whole world." "You've tried to kill yourself, Sophie, and you don't want to tell the most important person in your world?" "He has a life!" "It's not his fault that I took those pills!" "I'm not saying it is his fault." "I'm just trying to figure out why you were so ready to leave the planet and not tell him." " Are you angry at him for something?" " I'm not angry at him." "You told me once that you wanted to move across the country to be with your dad and his new wife, but that they didn't have a room for you." "I told you, he left her because of that." "After two years, Sophie." "How could he just stop loving me?" "What did I do?" "Uh, Laura, hi, it's, uh..." "it's me, Paul." "Um..." "I hope you're doing okay." "I'm still hoping we could, uh... talk, meet up, maybe have a coffee?" "Okay, I guess I'll, uh, I'll try you again..." "Bye." "S01E41:" "Sophie, Week Nine" "Hey, doll." "Hey." "What are you doing here?" "Wow, good to see you, too." "Come here... come here." "Give me a hug." "Look at you." "You're a knockout." "How are these arms, huh?" "Perfect." "How did you know I'd be here?" "From mom." "She was eager to remind me you had therapy this morning and that you were benefiting from therapy." "Getting the address was a little harder, though." "Maybe she's afraid I'll embarrass you in front of your shrink... probably, because she has." "So... this is where the magic happens, huh?" "So, I hear you -- kicked ass at the trials, from mom." "Yeah." "How come you didn't call me afterwards?" "I was really tired." "I just wanted to sleep." "'Cause you knew I was waiting for your call, right, kiddo?" "Were you?" "You could have come to the competition." "I can't just walk away from -- stuff." "You know that." "And, and plus, I didn't want to just show up out of nowhere, and at the last minute surprise you." "I was afraid it might make you nervous." "What's going on?" "How come I haven't heard from you?" "Are you angry at me -- for something?" "That's quite a stare you've developed there." "It's kind of freaking me out." "I gotta get in there." "No, no, wait, wait, come here, come, come here." "Give me a hug." "Ooh." "I'm so insanely proud of you... my crazy, talented kid." "It just kills me when I don't hear from you... slays me." "I don't eat, I don't sleep." "I called, actually," " a couple of times." " But you didn't leave any messages?" "Mom always answers her cell phone." "Well, I'm not mom, honey." "Come on, let's go talk about this over a bite to eat." "I haven't had lunch yet." "Dad, I have therapy now." "Right." "Therapy." "All right." "I'll wait." "We, we'll go afterwards." " You don't have to wait for me." " No, I -- do have to." "Apparently, that's the only way I'm gonna get a chance to spend some time with my kid." "So, uh, how's it, how's it going, with this thing, this -- shrink thing?" "Okay." "Yeah?" "What do you guys talk about?" "Stuff." "What kind of stuff?" "Boys stuff, gymnastics stuff, what?" "Sometimes." "You talk about me?" "Sometimes." "You talk about me in there?" "Really?" "We talk about a lot of things, dad." "What do you say about me?" "I don't know." "You don't know?" "Is that what this is about?" "All this weirdness between you and me?" "Is that what's going on?" "It's because of this therapy?" "Fuck me with a rubber hose." "I'm gonna talk to him." " Dad." " No, no, come on." "It'll just take a second." "You can come with me." "It'll be fun." "Are those for me?" "I'm Zach." "I'm Sophie's father." "Uh, nice to meet you." "No, these are... these are for Sophie -- for doing so well at the trials." "Ooh." "That's nice." "Isn't that nice, Sopha?" "Here you go." "So, uh... we thought, we'd come in together today." "Is that all right?" "Did you plan to come together?" "No." "He was waiting for me outside." " Does it matter?" " Actually, it does, yes." " Why?" "What's the problem?" " Well, I'd have to talk to Sophie and see how she feels about the three of us meeting." "Oh, it's -- no." "She's fine." "She's fine." "You're cool with it, right, Sopha?" " Whatever." " It's cool." "Can we come in?" "Why don't we schedule a meeting, a joint session for -- all three of us next week?" "No time like the present." "Well, I think, Sophie and I need to consider whether or not a joint session would be to her benefit." " We need time to prepare " " Time to prepare for what?" "I'm her father." " Dad, be cool." " No, I'm..." " It's not a big deal." " I'm totally cool, kiddo." "It's this guy who seems to have something wedged up his ass." "Dad!" "We can do it next week, okay?" "Please?" "Dad!" "Don't go!" "I'll tell him that he has to let you in." "Forget it." "He's just trying to protect me." "Protect you?" "From what?" "From your dad?" "Oh, good." "That's a relief." "Well, I'll tell him that I'll cancel the session if you don't come in." "Do you honestly think, I would go back in there now?" "Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?" "Me standing in front of your therapist, like it, like I'm..." "I'm what?" "What does he think I am?" "And what's, what's the matter with you?" "Are you actually taking this guy seriously?" "It's, it's, it's like... it's like he's brainwashing you or something." "Brainwashing me about what?" "You, you have to -- "prepare" to meet with your dad?" "Boy, is that bullshit." "You can't even look me in the eye." "Boy..." "That just breaks my heart." "I raised you to be smarter than this." "You didn't really raise me." "Excuse me?" "Most of the time you were far away." "I can't believe what I'm hearing." "He said he'd never been more humiliated in his whole life." " I can't let him in without an appointment." " He's my father." "Even still." "You let my mother in." "We'd made an appointment with your mother ahead of time." "Why couldn't you just let him in?" "It wouldn't have bothered me." "I know that you're used to your father coming in and out of your life, but that doesn't mean it doesn't bother you." "In fact " " I suspect it bothers you very much." "And he's not exempt from the rules of this office." "You and your fucking rules!" "If your wife walked in, would you chase her away?" "Tell her to come back next week?" "I would absolutely tell her -- or anyone else, if I thought, their presence in my office was inappropriate." "I need time to prepare for a session with both you and your father." "So it wasn't even about me at all." "You're so full of it." "What?" "I suddenly understand what your mother must feel." "What is that supposed to mean?" "You're easy on your father." "He disappears for months, then barges in unannounced, wants to break into your therapy." "He invades your private space, but still you defend him." "He is always the king." "Well, you don't have to worry because he's never coming back here again." "So you can have your crown back." " Okay, let's say, he does come back." " He won't." "But let's say, we were able to get him here." "Would you want that?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because it's important to him." "Isn't that obvious?" "To him or to you?" " Don't you have kids?" " You know, I do." "Well, don't you ever do things just to make them happy?" " That's a very different situation, Sophie." " Not really." "He is the parent... not you." "So what?" " You don't see the difference?" " Don't patronize me!" "I am not patronizing you." "These are your sessions, Sophie, not his." "One of the reasons even adults go into therapy is to separate who they are from what other people want them to be." "Do you analyze your daughter, too?" "Well, I try not to." " Why not?" " Because it's just not a good idea." "Not possible to treat one's own children." "Why?" "Parents play a big role in the development of the child's personality." "So, as a doctor, it would be very hard for me to keep my role as a father separate from the therapy." "Because you are part of the problem." "Correct." "I couldn't even tell him about my accident." "That is so fucked up." "Oh shit." "Let him in, Paul." "Let's just do this." "I wanna talk to him." "You sure?" "I need you to listen to me." "Come on in... please." "Oh, you've decided it's okay?" "Dad is not a leper?" "Would you care to sit down?" "All right, you said..." "I didn't raise you... and that I wasn't there for you." "So, while I was outside," "I made a list." "Every morning... from the time you were six until you were ten," "I would get up with you, at five o'clock... get you dressed... and take you to practice and I would wait outside of practice until you were done, so I could take you to school." "And then, I would stay up with you... so you could do your homework, because you'd fall asleep if I didn't." "Except that I... sucked at math, so" "I got evening tutoring lessons, three nights a week." "And when you... when... when you couldn't sleep..." "I would hold you... and dance with you until you would go to sleep." "And when you got injured, I sat with you in the hospital... day and night." "Enough, dad." "It's okay." "Just don't -- tell me I didn't raise you." "Do you have any idea... how much it kills me when I don't hear from you -- for two weeks?" "I can't eat, I can't sleep." "Oh God... look, my hands are shaking." "You didn't see me for almost -- three years." "It didn't seem to matter so much then." "What are you talking about?" "When you moved to New York with that woman." "What does that have to do with anything?" " We spoke on the phone every day." " It wasn't the same thing." "I knew -- everything that was going on with you." "No, you didn't." "Well, it was -- two years, not three." " Two and a half." " Look -- kiddo..." "You knew..." " that I wanted you live with us." " It never happened." "Which is why I left." "After two and a half years." "But we never went a day without speaking." "I was still part of your life." " You know nothing about me now." " Why, why do you keep saying that?" "What haven't you told me?" "You knew how depressed mom was." "You knew, it sucked being at home." "I wanted to come live with you." " And I wanted that, too." " Apparently not badly enough." "I left her." " After two and a half years!" " I left her, Sophie." "I loved her and I left her for you." "And if she changed her mind and let you come live with us, I would go back to her in an instant." "To the woman who wouldn't take your daughter in... right?" "Sometimes grownup things are just hard to explain." ""Grownup things"?" ""Grownup things"?" "You've got to be kidding me." "Just go." "Leave!" "I don't want you here anymore." "You think, you can walk in and out of my life like I'm some sort of fucking train station?" "What are you talking about?" "Is this what he tells you?" "Is this what your mother tells you?" "This has nothing to do with her." "This is about me." "About you?" "Do you have any idea how much I love you?" " Do you?" " You can't love me." " You don't even know me!" " Why do you keep saying that?" "I'm your father." "Who knows you better than I do?" "He does." "He does?" "Really?" "But you're not the father, are you?" "One day a week for a few weeks..." "It's not really the same thing as the first seven years, is it, doctor?" "No, it's not." "And what do you have to say to this?" "Or is this just your voice coming through her mouth?" "I've been listening to Sophie for quite a while now... and what I hear from her is a great anger -- and resentment." "But I also hear from her the need for you to reclaim your relationship and to fight for it." "Alright, I..." "I never stopped loving you." "What's the difference?" "You weren't there." "You chose her." "I didn't plan it that way." "I, if I, if I could do it over again " " You can't!" " I know, honey, but if I could " "You can't." "You can't do anything over again." "You can't say you're sorry and make it better." "You can't... make somebody trust you if they don't, and -- you can't put a family back together." "It doesn't work like that." "That's grownup." "Did you know I tried to kill myself?" "What?" "When?" "I didn't have an accident." "I rode my bike into a car on purpose." "I got tired of being alive." "Oh, God, kiddo..." "I want you to leave now, okay?" "No -- no " " Please." " Sophie, please." "No!" "I want to stay." "Please." "Let me stay." "Please." "It's my therapy... mine." "Jesus, I kicked my father out." "But you know what?" "This is a great insight that you had... that you have the power to let your parents into your life when you want them, and to keep them out when you don't want them." "I think, it's a sign of -- maturity." "I'll probably never see him again." "I think you will." "You know, maybe, he'll realize that he's caused you pain... and that this will change him." "People can change, you know?" "You think?" "I think, you've changed." "I'm gonna go out and see if I can catch him." "Okay." "I'm going away to Denver to train." "I want to be by myself for a while... to take care of myself... without my mom... or you." "No offense." "No offense taken." "I've got to run it by my mom but..." "I think, she'll be okay with it." "It's good." "It's what I want now." "You know you can call me any time you want." "Yeah, yeah, I know the drill, doctor." "Are there hugging rules, too, Paul?" "Yep." "Farewell, old fart." "Farewell, young fart." "Take care of yourself -- okay?" "Is it okay?" "Sure." "So, what's going on?" "I just saw that patient leaving." " You know she used to go to my school?" " Yeah." "Is that her dad?" "He looks cool." "Why are you smiling?" "No reason." "Mom seems a little tense." "You mean, about her daughter disappearing into the night?" "No." "That's not what I mean." "You guys are talking about everything, right?" "Yeah, well, we're, uh... we're trying."