"♪ April in paris ♪" "♪ Chestnuts in blossom ♪" "♪ Holiday tables under the trees ♪" "♪ April in paris ♪" "♪ This is a feeling ♪" "♪ No one can ever reprise ♪" "♪ April in paris ♪" "♪ Whom can I run to?" "♪" "♪ What have you done to my heart?" "♪" "Good afternoon, mr." "Putnam." "Good afternoon." "Good afternoon, mr." "Putnam." "Good afternoon, mr." "Putnam." "Good afternoon." "Good afternoon, mr." "Putnam." "Good afternoon." "Oh." "Good afternoon, mr." "Putnam." "You weren't paying attention." "Good afternoon, mr." "Putnam." "Good afternoon, tracy." "Everything in apple-pie order?" "Apple-pie order, mr." "Putnam." "Fine, fine." "The mail, sir." "Oh, by the way, that frenchman still insists upon seeing you." "Didn't you send him to immigration?" "Yes, but they sent him to the justice department." "Justice sent him to treasury." "Treasury sent him back to us." "Those are the usual channels." "What's his complaint?" "This is his third time around." "Oh, I'm so busy setting up the festival, but send him in." "Did you send for me?" "Find room..." "If you can." "Mr. Fouquet, my secretary's already told you there's nothing further we can do." "But I must be in paris next week." "Your passport is in order." "You can leave whenever you wish." "But I have no money to buy my ticket, and I cannot fly by myself, no?" "I have spent all winter here earning the yankee dollar, but I do not have one yankee penny." "Treasury informs us they've had to freeze the money you've earned until they determine your back taxes." "How long will that be?" "A week, two weeks, a month." "A month?" "No money?" "No wine?" "No women?" "How could a man live, unless he's an american?" "I'm sorry." "Those are regulations." "There's nothing I can do." "Look, in france, I am a famous entertainer." "I own my own nightclub." "In the bank I have francs up to here." "I--i will call paris, have my friends cable me money." "Can I do that?" "Oh, yes." "Fine." "But we'll have to impound it as soon as it arrives." "Charming." "Monsieur, soon it will be springtime in paris." "The children will be dancing in the bois de boulogne." "Men with tiny carts will be selling marrons chauds in the streets-- um..." "Chestnuts." "And everywhere, young couples will be in each other's arms kissing." "Have pity on a man who only breathes, lives, and loves when he's in paris." "You'll loan me enough to go, no?" "It's against regulations." "Second class?" "Impossible." "Steerage?" "That's against regulations, too." "Would you mind greasing me?" "I'll try to swim it." "That's" "I know, I know." "That's against regulations, too." "All right." "I will wait to see a higher assistant." "Ladies and gentlemen," "I do not like to criticize your government, but..." "Everything is regulations, forms, red tape, efficiency." "No room for mistakes." "Now, what would happen to this giant machine if one little human error should sneak in, hmm?" "Things wouldn't be so apple pie, believe me." "This whole delicately balanced mechanism would go poof." "Tracy, tracy, something terrible has happened." "W-w-w-what's the matter?" "I'm flying to new york." "Phone the harvard club." "Tell them I won't be home to dinner." "Tell them anything." "Make up something." "I know why he's so excited." "You do?" "He got the paris festival letters mixed and sent ethel barrymore's invitation to a chorus girl." "A chorus girl?" "I better start moving him out." "Poof!" "Hold it, mr." "Putnam." "Mr. Putnam, why the rush trip from washington?" "Is the paris festival off?" "Any statement on the festival will have to come from the assistant to the undersecretary." "But it's your baby-- international festival of arts." "We hear you're taking a representative of the american theater." "Who is it, ethel barrymore or bugs bunny?" "Very droll." "I assure you, the representatives of the various arts will be chosen from the best america has to offer." "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but everything is running smoothly." "Why did you snatch the first hat you saw and grab a plane?" "I did not snatch the first hat I saw." "It's a routine visit planned weeks ago." "I bid you good day." "Knickerbocker theatre." "And see that we're not followed." "O.K., Dick tracy." "It'll be our little secret." "That'll be 5 bucks even." "There you are." "Hey, mac, what's with the tip?" "Your rates are set by the interstate commerce commission." "I'm sure they provide a living wage." "Like to marry me for my money?" "Tipping is undignified and un-american." "I believe it should be abolished by law." "Mac, I got a word of advice for you-- don't cross any streets." "We got a big organization." "Hey, mac, close that door." "Where's your stub?" "My what?" "You got a ticket, or you just come in to get warm?" "I'm here on official business for the united states government." "I would like to see, uh..." "Miss ethel s." "Jackson." "Where can I find her?" "Dynamite Jackson?" "Come here." "♪ It must be good, it must be good ♪" "♪ They fall in love in every neighborhood ♪" "There she is, third from the left." "♪ Get that itch you like ♪" "♪ That's why it must be good ♪" "What a built, huh?" "♪ It must be nice ♪" "♪ This one-way ticket up to paradise ♪" "♪ Makes those rural folks turn to plural folks ♪" "♪ I guess it must be nice ♪" "♪ It's been written, don't rewrite it ♪" "♪ Once you're smitten ♪" "♪ You can't fight it ♪" "♪ Whoever said a man ain't made of wood ♪" "♪ Sure understood ♪" "♪ It must be good, it's very good ♪" "♪ This only cure for chronic bachelorhood ♪" "♪ Go start pricing' things ♪" "♪ Shoes and rice and things ♪" "♪ labeled hers and his ♪" "♪ And you'll find love ♪" "♪ Is everything that they say it is ♪" "♪ Cole porter asked ♪" "♪ What is this thing called love?" "♪" "♪ If no one has answered you yet ♪" "♪ My dear mr." "Porter ♪" "♪ We may not know just what love is ♪" "♪ But we can tell you what it must be like ♪" "♪ At least we think we ought'er ♪" "♪ Are you listening ♪" "♪ Mr. Porter?" "♪" "Hmm?" "Hmm?" "Hmm?" "♪ It must be good, it's very good ♪" "♪ This only cure for chronic bachelorhood ♪" "♪ Go start pricing' things ♪" "♪ Shoes and rice and things ♪" "♪ labeled hers and his ♪" "♪ And you'll find love ♪" "♪ Is everything that they say it is ♪" "♪ Love is everything that they say it is ♪" "♪ Love is everything that they say it is ♪" "♪ Love is everything that they say it is ♪" "What a built, huh?" "Sit down." "Thank you." "Surprise!" "Surprise!" "Surprise!" "These are all for me?" "Take your thumb out of your mouth and open the presents." "We have to get going." "Oh, a nightgown." "How do I look?" "Beautiful." "Wonderful." "Wear that on the boat." "When they say, "women and children first,"" "they'll know which you are." "Oh, slippers and perfume." "Oh, kids, I love it." "And a dictionary." "Just what I need." "And the bill." "How did that get in there?" "Oh, kids." "Where did you get the money?" "We refuse to answer on the grounds it may incriminate us." "Don't look." "I think I'm going to cry." "Here." "Use this." "Where can I find miss Jackson?" "You'll have to wait outside, buddy, with the rest of them." "You don't understand." "I represent the government." "Our government?" "Yes." "Say, we're in worse shape than I thought." "On stage." "Charlie, do you want some cake?" "Big piece." "I--i beg your pardon." "Uh, miss Jackson" "miss Jackson-- let's have a speech." "Speech!" "Speech!" "Oh, no." "No." "Oh, no." "We want Jackson!" "We want Jackson!" "We want Jackson!" "I don't know what to say." "Can you imagine the government picking me to represent the american theater at the festival in paris, france?" "Sure." "Why not?" "I couldn't believe it when I got the letter." "I must be a cross section or something." "Or it might be because I'm the equity representative, huh?" "I'll probably wake up tomorrow and find it's a big mistake." "Miss Jackson, I-- shh!" "Shh!" "Of course, I--i guess everybody has a right once in their life to have something really big happen to them." "Well, this is my big moment, and it's something I'm going to remember as long as I live." "And if anybody tells anybody else I was crying," "I'll knock them silly-- if they aren't already." "Have a good trip." "I will." "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." "If you can help it." "Bye." "Bye." "Bye." "Thanks again, kids." "Uh, miss Jackson." "Miss Jackson." "Look." "Zippers." "I would like to introduce myself." "Sure." "Be my guest." "I'm s." "Winthrop Putnam of the department of state." "Oh, I'm sorry." "How do you do?" "I thought you'd be an old bird with a beard down to here." "My apologies if I've disappointed you." "Oh, no, no." "You'll do." "Thank you." "Do you mind if I put the cake down?" "I've had a sufficiency." "Did you bring the passport and the ticket?" "Boat leaves friday, you know." "That's why I want to speak to you." "I guess you go all the time." "Europe, I mean." "I've never been one place you couldn't get to by subway." "Now I'm going all the way to paris, thanks to you." "Oh, I could kiss you." "I think I will." "Oh, no, no, no." "Miss Jackson, when you were speaking before, you mentioned a mistake." "So?" "Well, that's exactly what happened." "See, there was a letter to ethel Jackson about a work permit so you could perform in a nightclub in montreal." "Oh, don't worry about that." "I'll cancel montreal for paris anytime." "Nothing but eskimos up there anyway." "Then there was a letter to miss ethel barrymore asking her to represent the united states at the international festival of arts." "No." "Oh, I am sorry." "I hope you understand." "You mean it's all off?" "That's correct." "I'm sorry I got the letters mixed up." "Sure." "Can you picture ethel barrymore playing that flea trap in montreal?" "The state department would appreciate it if you wouldn't mention this to anyone." "We'd be investigated by the justice department, which would be a little embarrassing because we're investigating them." "Wait till I tell the kids." "They knocked themselves out with all these presents and everything." "The nicest thing that's ever happened to me." "Now I-- look, miss Jackson, I know exactly how you feel." "How could you know?" "Well, when I was a child in boston, my father bought me a rifle." "It was a .22." "I was 12 years old." "That was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen." "We were going up to maine, hunting, and then I came down with the measles." "Why didn't you shoot yourself?" "Well, it's all your fault." "You got the letters mixed up." "If you hadn't, I wouldn't have been so excited about it." "Anything I can do-- you can do something." "Go back to washington." "Give this to your girlfriend." "I won't be needing it." "Listen to my side." "Get out of here." "Go grow yourself a beard." "And next year I'm voting for anthony eden!" "♪ April in paris ♪" "♪ Chestnuts in blossom ♪" "♪ Holiday tables under the trees ♪" "♪ April in paris ♪" "♪ This is a feeling ♪" "♪ No one can ever reprise ♪" "♪ I never knew the charm of spring ♪" "♪ Never met it face to face ♪" "♪ I never knew my heart could sing ♪" "♪ Never missed a warm embrace ♪" "♪ Till april in paris ♪" "♪ Whom can I run to?" "♪" "♪ What have you done to ♪" "♪ My heart?" "♪" "Good morning, mr." "Putnam." "Good morning, mr." "Putnam." "Good morning, mr." "Putnam." "Good morning, mr." "Putnam." "Good morning, mr." "Putnam." "Mr. Sherman is waiting for you, mr." "Putnam." "He's heard the good news." "He has?" "Yes." "Go right in." "Lend-lease." "I know what you're going to say, sir, and I--i deserve it." "I want to compliment you, my boy." "It was a job well done." "I've been in the department for 10 years, and this was the most difficult diplomatic mission since an explorer got lost in the pentagon." "Imagine appointing a chorus girl to represent the american theater." "I assume full responsibility." "It was a stroke of genius." "It was?" "Now, I don't know how the news services got wind of this, but I'm glad they did." "Just look at these telegrams." "My boy, you've captured the popular imagination." "I saw the young lady and told her-- a representative from the rank and file." "She threw my hat at me and her nightgown." "And labor says," ""this will mean a quarter million votes at the next election."" "A quarter million votes for our party." "One vote for anthony eden." "Oh, uh, Winthrop, here are the passports for our group-- joshua stevens, america's finest artist, sinclair wilson, our foremost man of letters, josef weimar, one of our leading composers, and, uh, miss ethel s." "Jackson." "How shall I describe her?" "Just say, "what a built."" "Is this top-secret, or can anyone's daughter come in?" "Marcia." "Hello, dear." "That's for nothing." "That's for something." "Congratulations, darling." "I heard of your latest achievement." "How did you ever think of it?" "It came to me while I was mailing a letter." "I was talking to senator owen about you." "There will be a vacancy on the labor relations board." "One of the labor members is going back to work." "We won't settle for anything small." "We want the senate seat from the state of massachusetts." "We do?" "Is it big enough for both of us?" "Right now you're the white-haired boy of capitol hill." "What you've done today may be a steppingstone on your way to the white house." "Really, aren't we presuming a little too much?" "I don't think I have the qualifications." "No, no." "This is too farfetched." "Never doubt the power of a woman who wants to be first lady." "Good-bye, dear." "Keep up the good work." "I'll see you to your car." "You have more important things to do." "Father will see me down." "Father, will you do something about getting Winthrop a larger office?" "Well, I could demote myself and give him mine." "Well..." "Perhaps..." "For a wedding present." "Yes, sir?" "Tracy, take a telegram to miss ethel s." "Jackson-- 128 west 48th street, new york." "Plans changed." "Be packed and be prepared to be picked up-- uh, 4 p.M. Tomorrow en route to ship." "Signed, the president." "Who?" "Ooh, uh..." "S. Winthrop Putnam, of course." "ladies and gentlemen, the president of the united states." "Mr. Chairman..." "Mr. Speaker..." "Members of the congress," "♪ I have the honor to report ♪" "♪ On the state of the union ♪" "♪ It's an honor and a privilege ♪" "♪ It's a privilege and an honor ♪" "♪ To appear this date to reiterate ♪" "♪ That the state of each state in the 48 ♪" "♪ Is, as I soon will indicate ♪" "♪ In positively, absolutely ♪" "♪ And I say this resolutely ♪" "♪ So you'll get it straight ♪" "♪ The state of each state is great ♪" "♪ When I last met with the cabinet ♪" "♪ We found that we didn't have a debt ♪" "♪ The budget was balanced and in the black ♪" "♪ Did I say balanced?" "I take that back ♪" "♪ We were overbalanced ♪" "♪ And you'll be glad to learn ♪" "♪ We found some money ♪" "♪ That we're going to return ♪" "Bravo!" "Bravo!" "Encore!" "So I reaffirm on this, my..." "Sixth term... ♪ that the state of each state in the 48 ♪" "♪ Is, as I soon will indicate ♪" "♪ In positively, absolutely ♪" "♪ And I say this resolutely ♪" "♪ So you'll get it straight ♪" "♪ The state of each state is great ♪" "♪ Bluebirds serenade me ♪" "♪ Life is such a pleasure ♪" "♪ Don't think you can trade me ♪" "♪ Treasure for this ♪" "♪ Sunbeams dance around me ♪" "♪ Life is such a pleasure ♪" "♪ Seems like luck has found me ♪" "♪ Measure my bliss ♪" "♪ Down the street I walk with a springy air ♪" "♪ Singing a singy air gaily ♪" "♪ I repeat that life can be charming' ♪" "♪ And more fun than barnum  bailey daily ♪" "♪ Happy as a clown is ♪" "♪ Life is such a pleasure ♪" "♪ Don't know what a frown is ♪" "♪ I'm on my way ♪" "♪ Life is such a pleasure today ♪" "♪ Life will be barnum  bailey daily ♪" "♪ Life is such a pleasure today ♪" "Ah, cher monsieur diron, who would have thought a frenchman would have to borrow money in america from another frenchman?" "No, really, you've saved my life." "Here are your accommodations-- the royal suite on the main deck." "Thank you very much." "Mon cheri, I am here." "Simone, my little pigeon." "Philippe." "Are you sailing, too?" "Remember our last boat trip?" "That last night?" "You remember this?" "And this?" "And this?" "Shall we go on?" "For a first minute, she's always like this." "You know the type." "I should." "She's my wife." "Ahem." "Exactly." "Here I am, gentlemen." "Professor weimar, you know sinclair wilson, joshua stevens." "Very well." "They walked out on my last concert." "Well, gentlemen, our government is about to launch another noble experiment:" "three of the finest minds in this country traveling to paris with a chorus girl." "Everything happens to me 20 years too late." "30." "Well..." "Father!" "Bon voyage." "Forgot your pills." "I knew you would." "I knew I would, too." "Father, don't you think I need an ocean voyage, too?" "Everyone seems to be going this year, even chorus girls." "That's a short leash you have Winthrop on." "Don't let him know you're worried." "Does it show?" "Like an old petticoat." "Let him go on alone." "Then when he's in paris, let him start worrying about you in washington." "You're a pretty shrewd operator." "I take after my daughter." "Wonder what's keeping him." "Why?" "Where is he?" "He's picking up miss Jackson at her apartment." "Miss Jackson, unlock this door." "Didn't you receive my telegram?" "Yes, I did, but western union wouldn't send my answer." "Now go away!" "How'd you get in here?" "I have a friend in the fbi." "How about the red cross?" "Miss Jackson, I know I've treated you shabbily, but you owe it to our government to cooperate." "Cooperate?" "Yes." "That's a hot one." "Uncle sam's been gouging my paycheck for 10 years, so now I owe him?" "What did you do with the 200 bucks I paid last year?" "The 200 bucks were well spent." "Mailing letters to the wrong people." "Just checking." "Just leave me alone." "I have a duty to perform." "It took me three years of hard work to set up this festival." "Try that again..." "To a violin." "Don't be facetious." "Do you know what my title is?" "No." "Assistant secretary to the assistant to the undersecretary of state." "It's taken me 10 years to get this far." "If this falls through, I'll be back where I started-- assistant assistant secretary to the assistant to the undersecretary of state." "That's a federal case if I ever heard one." "Miss Jackson, have you ever been to paris in the spring?" "Are you kidding?" "Me and the prince always stop by on our way to monte carlo." "It's something that no beautiful young lady should miss-- sidewalk cafes, champagne, singing." "Who's singing?" "In paris, everyone sings..." "All the time." "It comes with the country." "Mademoiselle, soon it will be springtime in paris." "Children will be dancing in the bois de boulogne." "Baloney?" "Boulogne." "Men with tiny carts will be selling marrons chauds-- chestnuts-- and everywhere young couples will be in each other's arms, kissing." "Don't throw away the whole trip just because you hate me." "But I don't hate you." "You're trying so hard, I'm starting to root for you." "How about coming along and getting your 200 bucks' worth?" "Who knows, you might meet a nice young man and break even." "You know something?" "I might at that." "I'll help you pack your bags." "Why, these bags are already packed." "No sense wasting time, is there?" "♪ When I'm aflame as I am ♪" "♪ I implore you, madame ♪" "♪ Give me your lips ♪" "♪ Don't whisper, "please give me time" ♪" "♪ Keep your reasons, your rhyme ♪" "♪ Give me your lips ♪" "♪ lady, somewhere a phantom island ♪" "♪ Can be reached in phantom ships ♪" "♪ We can reach it ♪" "♪ If you ♪" "♪ Give me hope you'll be mine ♪" "♪ Give me all that's divine ♪" "♪ Give me your lips ♪" "♪ Give me your lips ♪" "♪ lady, somewhere a phantom island ♪" "♪ Can be reached ♪" "♪ In phantom ships ♪" "♪ We can reach it ♪" "♪ If you ♪" "♪ Give me hope ♪" "♪ You'll be mine ♪" "♪ Give me all that's divine ♪" "♪ Give me your lips ♪" "Philippe!" "Very heavy tipper." "Philippe, you come into the kitchen and cool off." "See you later, mademoiselle." "Monsieur Fouquet, you realize what an example you are setting for the other waiters?" "Yes, but the question is, can they follow it?" "You should be grateful for this opportunity I've given you, to work your way back to france." "Instead, you are causing me nothing but trouble." "I didn't ask to be made a waiter." "I could've explained to the captain that I would pay for my passage-- first class-- as soon as we arrived in france." "The captain has been sick." "He's seeing no one." "Besides, I'm sure that he wouldn't be impressed by the fact you are Philippe Fouquet." "I seem to be the only one who is." "If I have to complain once more about you, when the captain gets up, he will ship you right back to america where you will spend the rest of your life." "Oh, no." "Please, not while I'm eating." "Yesterday..." "Yesterday..." "You brought a young lady breakfast in bed, and you remained in the cabin until after lunch." "Tomorrow I go back for the dishes." "Oh, Philippe!" "Philippe!" "Philippe!" "You are so-- so french!" "You go take care of your table." "I promise I will not tell the captain." "Oh, monsieur le chef, I love you." "Ah, if only you could cook." "I'm sorry." "I lost my head." "Miss Jackson, you are using your dessert spoon instead of your bouillon spoon." "Try to remember." "A dessert spoon has a truncated ellipse." "A bouillon spoon, a section of a sphere." "I'll work on it nights." "Didn't think I'd make it, did you?" "Gentlemen, what is it you ordered?" "The new england boiled dinner." "With a poached egg." "Fortunately for you gentlemen," "I am a man of taste." "I brought you instead le coq au vin a la bourguignon, delicately flavored chicken surrounded by naughty little mushrooms swimming naked in a pool of burgundy." "In boston, you couldn't serve that in public." "I should have kept you in immigration and given you enough grease to swim back." "Take it back." "One taste of that rich food will probably kill me." "Oh, monsieur, non." "excusez moi one minute." "Better to die with this in your mouth than to live with a new england boiled dinner." "Amen!" "Mademoiselle ordered the caneton flambé." "I shall prepare it right before your eyes." "Make it good." "This is my first time." "Mine, too." "I will give it my personal touch." "What a wonderful way to drown a duck." "You don't mind, do you?" "After all, this is our last night." "Which reminds me, are you packed?" "Yeah." "For all the fun I've had," "I could have stayed in the bag myself." "If that's all taken care of, then you won't be busy after dinner?" "No." "What'd you have in mind?" "I think mr." "Weimar and mr." "Stevens should help you with your speech for the festival." "How about frying up more brandy?" "After that, mr." "Wilson will spend some time with you conjugating french verbs, the irregular ones which are giving you so much difficulty." "Then I thought we might get together." "Oh, I'd love to." "Ah-ah-ahem!" "On matters of protocol." "You'll find them quite interesting." "Gentlemen, I've heard enough." "For four days, I've been serving this table, and in that time, no one's said one romantic word to this charming lady." "Is that against regulations, too?" "Waiter!" "What is wrong with her?" "From what I can see above the tablecloth, she is a very attractive young lady." "Thank you, waiter." "I can be wrong, but I must be at least half right." "Why don't you get our dessert or something?" "Monsieur, your dessert is right here." "Tonight there is a dance in the main ballroom." "I have noticed how the young lady looks at you when she picks up the wrong spoon." "Believe me, sir, if you take her to the dance tonight, you will thank me for the rest of your days." "I will?" "This is outrageous!" "I'll report you to the captain." "Not so fast." "24 Complaints are ahead of you." "He is right about one thing." "I'd love to go to the dance tonight." "Well-- out of the question." "There's too much for you to do." "Out of the question." "There's too much for you to do." "Miss Jackson, I am no longer a young man, and I don't dance very well." "My feet are tired from long hours of serving breakfast in bed, but if you will do me the honor to accompany me to the dance," "I will be a young boy again." "That's the nicest invitation I've ever had." "If you plan to disgrace this delegation by attending the dance with a waiter..." "In that case, perhaps I could take her." "You'll do no such thing." "As for you, young lady, finish your dinner." "Forget all this foolishness, then retire to your cabin." "I didn't ask to come." "I was invited." "I was almost shanghaied." "Well, I'm sorry if I'm lowering the tone of this pallbearers convention, but I'm sick and tired of taking orders." "And I'm not going to finish my dinner." "I'm not going to my room either." "Take my advice, gentlemen." "Hang on to your life preservers." "Miss Jackson!" "Sit down, Winthrop." "You eat this duck, you goose." "And I hope you like it well done." "Waiter!" "Waiter!" "Do something here!" "Goodness, help." "Oh, this is wonderful, Philippe." "The whole trip should have been just like this." "It will be." "Just wait." "In a few minutes, mr." "Putnam will get tired of playing chess." "He will come looking for you, tap me on the shoulder-- you see?" "Philippe." "Peek-a-boo." "Mademoiselle, I'm most embarrassed, but do you realize this man is a steward?" "He's an angel." "Sacre bleu." "Fouquet has done it again." "Now if you'll allow us..." "That is impossible." "We were very lenient with you, but you've gone too far." "Sorry, mademoiselle." "You may remain, but your gay companion may not." "Well, in that case, I don't stay either." "Come, ma cherie." "we'll take our business to another boat." "I'm sorry you got dressed up and everything." "It was very sweet of you to ask me tonight, but I better go back to my cabin." "Look, do you wish to live a life of new england boiled dinners and poached eggs?" "No." "Do you wish to spend your evenings studying somebody's agenda?" "No." "Do you wish instead to place yourself completely in the hands of a frenchman with imagination, joie de vivre, and years and years of experience?" "Lafayette, I am here." "Cinderella shall go to the ball, even if it's through the back entrance." "Silence!" "Silence!" "clear everything out of the way." "The dance is about to begin." "Philippe, Philippe, have you gone mad?" "Where have you been?" "There's work to do." "Yes, there's work to be done." "This charming young lady has been on our boat four lovely moonlit nights, and nothing has happened." "Nothin'!" "And on a french boat." "You know what this poor little child has been doing with her evenings?" "Conjugating verbs." "Je vais, tu vas, il va." "silence!" "the honor of france is at stake." "Oui!" "absolument!" "shall we allow her to return to america unconjugated?" "Mais non!" "mais non!" "no!" "No, gentlemen!" "Never!" "Please sit down." "Even though they won't allow us to the main salon, we'll have our dance here." "Well, well, well, well, my friends, are you mice or frenchmen?" "Frenchmen!" "Frenchmen!" "Oui!" "♪ je vais, tu vas, il va ♪" "♪ nous allons, vous allez, ils vont ♪" "♪ je vais, tu vas, il va ♪" "♪ nous allons, vous allez, ils vont... ♪" "messieurs, I am sorry to make you wait for your carbonated soda, but the kitchen was awful crowded." "A toast to french cooking." "My stomach will never be the same." "There's never been such a night." "The waiters are dancing in the kitchen." "Even the chef joined them." "And miss Jackson danced with all of them." "The true spirit of democracy." "Vive I'amérique!" "and now, gentlemen, I must leave you." "I have the next dance." "Gentlemen, it was a noble experiment, but it hasn't worked out." "We've been inconsiderate of miss Jackson." "She's young-- she must be told at once..." "And beautiful and full of spirit-- that we're returning her to the united states." "Sir, I'm not in complete accord, but if that is your desire, please don't be harsh with her." "I shan't be harsh at all." "That is your job." "Very well, sir." "I shall tell her..." "But her reaction is apt to be violent." "Mr. Weimar, if I don't return, finish the game." "Pardon me." "Oh, monsieur Putnam." "The representative of that great country for which we have such great respect-- what is it again?" "United states." "the united states." "The united states." "Let's drink a toast to the united states." "United states." "I'm sorry, gentlemen." "I never drink." "The gentleman refuses to toast his own country?" "Of which he is the official representative?" "This will make big news in moscow." "Of course it will." "I wouldn't want the committee investigating the committees to investigate me." "That's better." "To the united states." "To the united states." "To the united states." "Excusez moi." "and not to france?" "It's very important to toast france." "To france." "Vive la france!" "vive la france!" "miss Jackson, I promise you, in paris, every night it will be the same thing." "I will unfreeze my money." "You will unfreeze me." "Don't stop me now." "I'm ticking'!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Bravo!" "♪ For three nights straight ♪" "♪ I've been forced to act sedate ♪" "♪ And may I say I didn't like the role?" "♪" "♪ Thanks to you ♪" "♪ My friends ♪" "♪ My pretense now ends ♪" "♪ And you'll forgive me ♪" "♪ If I kinda lose control ♪" "♪ I don't care what I did last night ♪" "♪ And the night before that ♪" "♪ And the night before that, too ♪" "♪ I'm gonna ring the bell tonight ♪" "♪ I'm gonna ring the bell tonight ♪" "♪ That's what I'm gonna do ♪" "♪ I'm aglow and I'm feelin' ♪" "♪ So happy, new year's evey ♪" "♪ Hang the captain and the crew ♪" "♪ We're gonna pop the cork tonight ♪" "♪ We're gonna pop the cork tonight ♪" "♪ That's what we're gonna do ♪" "♪ And when the band takes five minutes' intermission ♪" "♪ You'll be wishin' ♪" "♪ The intermission's through ♪" "♪ Here's to you, here's to me ♪" "♪ And here's to a life that's merry ♪" "♪ I've just gotta whoop-dee-doo ♪" "♪ We're gonna rock the boat tonight ♪" "♪ We're gonna rock the boat tonight ♪" "♪ That's what we're gonna do ♪" "♪ When there's a fiddler fiddling' fancy ♪" "♪ It makes me feel so doggone dancey ♪" "♪ But it could be the bubbly brew ♪" "♪ What makes the saxophone so waily?" "♪" "♪ Just get yourself a ukulele ♪" "♪ And you can wicky a-wacky a-whoo ♪" "♪ Here's to you and to me ♪" "♪ And here's to a life that's merry ♪" "♪ If they wanna, they can sue ♪" "♪ We're gonna rock the boat tonight ♪" "♪ We're gonna rock the boat tonight ♪" "♪ That's what we're gonna do ♪" "♪ I'm gonna ring the bell ♪" "♪ I'm gonna pop the cork ♪" "♪ And if the boat sinks, it serves them right ♪" "♪ 'Cause I'm gonna, quote ♪" "♪ Rock ♪ ♪ rock ♪" "♪ I'm gonna rock the boat tonight ♪" "Hey!" "Yay!" "To ethiopia." "Ethiopia!" "And afghanistan." "Afghanistan." "And if you can think of any more countries, you let me know." "Oh..." "Uh-oh." "The ball is now over." "Cinderella goes back to the ash heap." "I shall go quietly." "Well, you heard me." "As if I didn't know what you and that brain trust have been planning-- send me home on the first plane and hope it runs out of gas." "Go on." "Tell me I'm a disgrace to my country." "Say something." "I've only got one thing to say to you." "What's that?" "What a built." "Well, that doesn't sound like s." "Winthrop Putnam." "Oh, call me sam." "Mr. Putnam, you mustn't blame miss Jackson." "The fault is mine." "I made her come here." "I made her have a little champagne." "I made her dance." "The medal will come later." "Shall we dance?" "I think you better go to your room and have a poached egg." "Don't fight it." "I'm masterful tonight." "♪ I don't care what you did last night ♪" "♪ And the night before that ♪" "♪ And the night before that, too ♪" "♪ We're gonna ring the bell tonight ♪" "♪ We're gonna ring the bell tonight ♪" "♪ That's what we're gonna do ♪" "I didn't know they danced like that in the state department." "It depends on what kind of a state you're in." "You know something?" "You turned out to be pretty human." "I'll show you exactly how human I've become." "♪ He's the king ♪" "♪ He's so free ♪" "♪ Voilà!" "Now he's something different ♪" "♪ We can do the same for you ♪" "♪ We're gonna ring the bell tonight ♪" "♪ They're gonna ring the bell tonight ♪" "♪ That's what we're gonna ♪" "Poof!" "Mr. Putnam..." "Mm-hmm?" "You don't have to apologize for kissing me, even if you are engaged." "I understand." "You didn't mind?" "Oh, no." "In that case, pardon me." "Night, sam." "Night." "Wrong cabin." "Me, too." "Pardon me." "Night, sam." "Night." "You know, it must be wonderful to go to vassar and have the state department for a father." "Not if you talk about it all the time." "My father was a janitor." "Equitable building." "48Th and 8th avenue." "I like janitors." "So do I..." "My father anyway." "If we didn't have them, the pentagon would be knee-deep in memorandums." "Good night." "Good night." "He wasn't an ordinary janitor, you know." "They gave him a watch, gold-filled." "I'm sure it was." "Well..." "Good night, sam." "Good night." "Night." "Good night." "Are you going to marry her?" "Her father's a very important man." "Are you going to marry him?" "I'm not marrying either one if I can help it, but I don't know if I can help it." "Our engagement's been announced..." "In the congressional record." "well..." "Well..." "Good night." "Good night." "You're in the wrong cabin again." "No." "This one's mine." "Oh." "I'm sorry." "Wait a minute." "This one's yours." "I have a larger hot water bottle." "Are you sure?" "Listen..." "There's a man aboard who can settle the whole thing." "Who?" "The captain." "You mean because he marries people?" "Then we can spend the night in your cabin..." "Or my cabin..." "Or both." "Oh, that sounds fair." "Let's do it." "Incidentally," "I love you very much..." "Ethel." "Me, too, sam." "Uh-uh." "First, the captain." "Do you, mademoiselle, take this man for your lawful wedded husband?" "I do." "And you, monsieur, do you take this woman for your lawful wedded wife?" "I do." "Ha ha!" "Not you." "You're the witness." "I do." "I now pronounce you man and wife by the authority vested in me as the captain of this ship." "Ah, congratulations!" "Thank you very much." "Congratulations!" "Thank you." "Congratulations!" "Thank you very much." "Thank you--oh!" "Well, I guess we better go now-- well, nothing else to do around here." "Good-bye, and thanks so much." "Good-bye." "Good-bye." "Where are you going?" "I am the witness." "Not anymore you aren't." "Thanks for everything, Philippe." "You better have some black coffee right now." "Yes." "Thank you." "Ha ha ha!" "Oh, uh, uh, thank you." "♪ I know ♪" "♪ A place ♪" "♪ A very special place ♪" "♪ A place where we alone ♪" "♪ Can go ♪" "♪ No one sails ♪" "♪ To its shore ♪" "♪ There's no shore at all ♪" "♪ No house, no door at all ♪" "♪ Still, it's there ♪" "♪ Bright and fair ♪" "♪ The day you guess ♪" "♪ The place and its address ♪" "♪ That day our happiness will start ♪" "♪ Is it far?" "♪" "♪ Is it near?" "♪" "♪ When we kiss ♪" "♪ You'll see it clearly ♪" "♪ It's the place ♪" "♪ You hold in my heart ♪" "Oh, mon capitaine," "I always thought you were a stiff-necked idiot, but tonight you've shown me that you're a romantic stiff-necked idiot." "I salute you." "Francois..." "Of course!" "Help me to open this up." "But what's a busboy doing in a captain's cabin?" "Stealing his liquor, what else?" "It doesn't make sense." "A ship this size with a combination captain and busboy?" "Oh, sober up, Philippe." "I am not the captain." "Then why were you wearing his jacket?" "Because when you and your friends knock on the door," "I have to improvise." "Stop all this talking." "They're running out of liquor in the kitchen." "Francois, you have married my american friends." "I am sorry." "Tomorrow I will divorce them." "But we must stop them!" "That's no way to repay them for the marshall plan." "I must tell them they weren't married-- that you were impersonating the captain." "This is a serious crime on the high seas." "I'll be put in irons." "You'll be sent back to america." "What can we do?" "Keep them apart while on the ship." "Once they hit shore, you can tell them they're not married, because what happened here tonight the captain must never find out." "What must I never find out, gentlemen?" "What are you doing here?" "Just stealing your liquor, that's all." "I'm sick in bed a few days, and the whole ship goes crazy!" "Dancing in the kitchen, stealing my champagne!" "You realize you are both discharged?" "Thank you very much and good night." "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen." "Sit down, monsieur Fouquet." "You, too." "I wish to have a long talk with you." "Couldn't you boil it down for the reader's digest?" "sure." "Monsieur Fouquet... ♪ dum dum da da dum dum ♪" "♪ Da dum da da da ♪" "♪ Dee dee dee dee dee dee ♪" "♪ Da da da dum da-- ♪" "Toothbrush." "I always read myself to sleep." "♪ Dee dee da da da dum ♪" "♪ Do dum dum do-do dee dee dee ♪" "You take care of one." "I'll handle the other." "I hate myself already." "♪ Do do-do do-do do do ♪" "♪ Da da da dum ♪" "♪ De-dum dum-dum ♪" "♪ Da da da da de-dum dum-dum ♪" "♪ Da da da dum ♪" "♪ Da da da rum de-dum bum-bum ♪" "♪ Da da da rum de-dum bum-bum ♪" "♪ Da da mm-mmm mm-mmm ♪" "Monsieur..." "Compliments of the chef." "Your wedding breakfast." "Breakfast?" "It's the middle of the night!" "The night's even scarcely begun!" "Good." "Philippe, you're drunk." "I could not do what I am about to do if I were sober." "Philippe!" "I've heard of breakfast in bed, but this is ridiculous!" "Forgive me." "I'll take this to be cleaned immediately." "No!" "No." "Excuse me." "It may be some time before I get back." "Talk to each other, huh?" "What about?" "Listen, I" "I have taken care of that cabin also." "We're giving this boat a bad name." "You'll like my folks." "Will I?" "Father is a professor..." "At massachusetts institute of tech-- nology." "No wonder you're so smart." "Smart enough to marry you before you could back out." "You know, somehow I don't really feel married." "Neither do I." "I guess you don't feel like it till about the second year." "Oh" "sooner than that!" "Mrs. S. Winthrop Putnam." "Mrs. sam Putnam." "Excuse me, darling." "Toothbrush." "Ha ha ha ha!" "Oh..." "I'm so sleepy." "Sam, what happened?" "Are you all right?" "Now who's that?" "Probably your drunken friend Philippe with another breakfast." "I'm sure he thinks this is amusing." "Go away!" "Grab an anchor and jump overboard!" "What was that, young man?" "Just a minute." "It's secretary Sherman!" "What do we do?" "Tell him we're married." "We can maybe use his cabin." "Shh!" "No." "We can't do that." "Why not?" "I'll have to break it to him gently." "After all, I'm going to marry his daughter." "Or am I?" "You'd better go in there." "What a place to spend my honeymoon." "Well, young man," "I hope you're satisfied with what you've done tonight." "No." "I can't say that I am." "That scene in the kitchen was carrying things a little too far." "Close that door." "I'll do my best." "Had a bad dream." "Really?" "Indians." "You don't seem to understand the seriousness of this situation." "I've got something very important that I want to talk to you about." "Winthrop, you must realize that the american people" "expect their officials to be appointed from the people but not to act like the people." "And carousing with chorus girls in the kitchen is not the way to win friends and influence voters." "Any further gossip about you and miss Jackson, and I wouldn't blame my daughter if she postponed her marriage to you." "She'd have a point there." "And you'd be jeopardizing your career, too." "I wouldn't have any choice but to dismiss you." "Let me read you a few paragraphs from the state department's manual of conduct." "Oh." "Booby-trapped." "I'm awfully sorry, sir!" "Never mind being sorry!" "Get me out of here!" "This has been a nightmare from beginning to end." "I'm fed up with the whole thing!" "Oh, no!" "This has been used before." "Never mind!" "Never mind!" "Just pay attention!" "Section b, paragraph 32." ""All employees of this department" ""must at all times maintain the dignity and decorum" ""expected of employees of the department of state." ""It is reiterated" ""that any breach of conduct" ""will reflect unfavorably upon the government of the united states."" "hey..." "What?" "Who turned on these sprinklers?" "Sam!" "Keep reading!" "The evening's shot anyhow!" "Ah-choo!" "Ah-choo!" "Ah-choo!" "Ah-choo!" "Ah-choo!" "Hello, darling." "And don't say it's a small world." "Marcia!" "Well, at least you remember my name." "Hello, father." "How did you get here?" "My allowance piled up, so I took a plane." "I'm a big girl now." "Are we going to get going or stand here and play post office?" "Oh." "Is this our little chorus girl?" "Not yours, darling." "Marcia," "I'd--i'd like you to meet mrs., Uh, uh, miss, uh..." "Dynamite Jackson." "There they are." "I must tell miss Jackson that they are not married." "You're becoming a new england boiled frenchman." "Besides, they're getting in their car." "Don't they have to go through customs?" "They have diplomatic immunity." "Yes, but not from everything." "Les délégués des etats-unis." "I'll tell her we're married right after the festival." "What'll I do in the meantime-- sleep in bathtubs?" "This meeting's important to me." "I don't want to be dismissed until it's over." "If miss vassar of 1922 makes one more pass at you," "I may slug her." "Hello, sam." "Cher rené!" "monsieur Putnam, je suis enchanté!" "everybody gets to kiss you but your own wife." "After all, this is france." "Whose idea was it to bring that Jackson girl?" "We're sending her back soon." "Winthrop thought she should make an appearance at the first session as a democratic gesture." "His gestures get more democratic every day." "Temper, temper." "Have some respect for the thousands I spent to make you a lady." "Lady or no, if miss 10th avenue keeps whispering to him," "I may blow my cork." "It is my pleasure to present the assistant to the undersecretary of state of the united states of america." "Isn't this marvelous, darling?" "Gentlemen, ladies, delegates to the international festival of the arts, it is indeed a privilege to address a gathering whose sole purpose is the promotion of peace, friendship, and harmony." "Winthrop, do you know why I followed you to france?" "I think we should be married right away." "Mm-hmm." "It's going to be awful crowded in that bathtub..." "Sam." "Put on the earphones." "You can hear much better." ""Sam"?" "Well..." "That's all right, dear." "I'm broad-minded." "And in this case I use the word advisedly." "That here we have complete unanimity of form." "That here there is nothing but harmony, friendship, and peace." "Before we go any further, mr." "Putnam should tell you what happened on that boat." "You really should listen." "This will make history." "I can imagine." "They told me in new york you did a specialty." "I'm trying to be nice, darling, so stop needling me." "I'd hate doing something I'd be ashamed of." "You mean in the daytime, of course." "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7..." "Peace, friendship... and harmony." "Please!" "Miss--miss Sherman-- no, don't do that, please." "Now listen, ladies..." "Marcia!" "Marcia, stop that now!" "Miss Jackson, don't do that!" "Winthrop!" "Winthrop!" "Can't you stop this?" "Mr. Wilson, do something!" "Well, she started it!" "Marcia, behave yourself!" "Please, ladies!" "You must realize that this is the united festival!" "I trust this exhibition has proven the necessity for returning miss Jackson to the united states!" "The sooner, the better, darling!" "Darling has something to tell you, haven't you, darling?" "Oh, ethel-- i mean miss Jackson, it'll take weeks of hard work to bring harmony to this meeting again." "I wouldn't want to do anything to disturb it any further-- not right now." "You must realize how important this is to me." "Yes, I'm beginning to." "Give me a little time, and we can straighten out-- ethel, wait!" "Let her go!" "Uh..." "Miss Jackson." "Welcome to gay paree." "So I'm not even married to that lug." "I would have told you sooner, but I didn't dare until we were off the boat." "Does sam know?" "I left a message at the hotel." "Married by a busboy and divorced by a waiter." "There's a career for you." "Ho ho ho!" "My little camille, don't be so tragic." "Tragic?" "Me?" "Why, I'm bubbling all over." "I'm so happy to get rid of that stuffed shirt." "In fact, I'm celebrating." "Waiter!" "Hit me again." "Thanks." "Why don't we all go inside?" "Because it's april in paris." "When it's april in paris, everybody sits outside." "Does monsieur mind if I leave the bottle?" "You'll be back?" "In july." "I'll tell you this much, sam Putnam means nothing to me." "I came to paris to have a good time, and, brother, I'm going to have it." "Ah-choo!" "Gesundheit." "Don't be sarcastic." "Philippe, sing something." "Sing?" "I don't feel like singing." "But in paris everybody feels like singing..." "All the time." "What a horrible idea." "Oh, come on, Philippe." "Be gay and carefree..." "And champs elysees." "all right." "I will try." "♪ April in paris ♪" "♪ Chestnuts in blossom ♪" "♪ Holiday tables under a tree ♪" "♪ April in paris ♪" "♪ This is a feeling ♪" "♪ No one can ever ♪" "♪ Reprise ♪" "♪ I never knew the charm of spring ♪" "♪ Never met it face to face ♪" "♪ I never knew my heart could sing ♪" "♪ Never missed a warm embrace ♪" "♪ Till ♪" "♪ April in paris ♪" "♪ Whom can I run to?" "♪" "♪ What have you done to ♪" "Ah-choo!" "♪ My heart?" "♪" "It's no use, Philippe." "I'm in love with the man I married, and he's not even my husband." "Even in paris, that's an unusual situation." "But what am I going to do?" "I just can't crawl back to him." "It's a cinch he's not going to come crawling to me." "Look, you will not leave paris without him." "This I promise you." "With what I have here..." "And what you have..." "There..." "We'll find a way." "Hello, darling." "Aren't you ready yet?" "I think you'd better go to that nightclub without me." "I've got a headache." "Our three wise men say it's the best show in paris." "They've reserved a ringside table." "There's a new american performer they say is wonderful." "What's the matter?" "Oh, I don't want you to catch my headache." "I wouldn't go if you feel like this." "You lie down, and I'll massage your temples." "I could stand up and take an aspirin." "But that wouldn't be the same thing." "Uh, let's go out." "I think I feel better." "Then there's no reason to go out." "I'll be dressed before you know it." "Giselle!" "Janine!" "Oh, charlotte!" "Giselle." "Bonjour, ma petite." "bonjour, ma grande." "ethel!" "I thought she went back to new york." "They must have refused her." "♪ You can keep the empire state ♪" "♪ It's very tall ♪" "♪ But that is all ♪" "♪ You can have your old new york ♪" "♪ It's not for me ♪" "♪ Give me paree ♪" "♪ My new york may have its faults ♪" "♪ Just as you say ♪" "♪ But your paris has some, too ♪" "♪ Please step this way ♪" "♪ From your hotel ♪" "♪ The view is swell ♪" "♪ But here's the rub ♪" "♪ There is no tub ♪" "♪ The plumbing's 1883 ♪" "♪ I know ♪" "♪ But that's what makes paris paree ♪" "♪ The clothes are chic ♪" "♪ The hats unique ♪" "♪ It's such a thrill ♪" "♪ Then comes the bill ♪" "♪ And you're undressed financially ♪" "♪ That's what makes paris paree ♪" "♪ The peddler's cart ♪" "♪ The eiffel tower ♪" "♪ The flowers mart ♪" "♪ The eiffel tower ♪" "♪ Priceless art ♪" "♪ The eiffel tower ♪" "♪ The eiffel, eiffel... ♪" "♪ Awful, awful eiffel tower ♪" "♪ You can't endure ♪" "♪ Without I'amour ♪" "♪ I like I'amour ♪" "♪ but not toujours ♪" "♪ I guess it's just heredity ♪" "♪ It's what we call c'est la vie ♪" "Well!" "♪ That's what makes paris paree ♪" "♪ Yes, but new york is home to me ♪" "♪ Garçon regrets ♪" "♪ No crepe suzettes?" "♪" "♪ The lady pales ♪" "♪ He's serving snails!" "♪" "♪ We'll both get heartburn, wait and see ♪" "♪ That's what makes paris paree ♪" "♪ You try to grab ♪" "♪ A taxicab ♪" "♪ The light is red ♪" "♪ He goes ahead ♪" "♪ And knocks you down quite cheerfully ♪" "♪ That's what makes paris paree ♪" "♪ The gay cafes ♪" "♪ The eiffel tower ♪" "♪ The mayonnaise ♪" "♪ The eiffel tower ♪" "♪ Ia marseillaise ♪" "♪ the eiffel tower ♪" "♪ The oh-so-tiring ♪" "♪ But inspiring eiffel tower ♪" "♪ I've seen it all ♪" "♪ The beaux arts ball?" "♪" "♪ The rue de la paix?" "♪" "♪ Well, it's ok ♪" "♪ Just twist my arm, and I'll agree ♪" "♪ Paris is getting to me ♪" "♪ The priceless art ♪" "♪ The peddler's cart ♪" "♪ The clothes so chic ♪" "♪ The pipes that leak ♪" "♪ That's what makes paris ♪" "♪ That's what makes paris ♪" "♪ That's what makes paris ♪" "♪ Paree ♪" "Well, that was quite a show for one person's benefit." "I wonder what's going on between her and that frenchman." "I've got to go back and find out." "Oh, no." "Come back to the hotel and forget all about her." "I can't forget all about her." "Every time I try, I remember all about her." "Maybe it would be easier to forget all about you." "Winthrop, just remember, if you leave me, your career's over." "We'll see to it that you're not even elected dogcatcher." "That suits me fine." "I've caught one too many already." "You never loved me." "You only wanted to marry me to get to the white house to remodel that, too." "I'm going to tell ethel I love her." "Father, why didn't you say something?" "I thought he covered the subject pretty thoroughly." "Oh!" "But he's all yours." "I could hear him panting from the stage." "Do you think he'll come back here?" "On all fours, like a french poodle." "He's scratching at the door." "I don't want to see him." "But he's come back." "Look, you love him, he loves you." "What else is left?" "But he hasn't suffered enough yet." "Come in." "Ethel..." "I love you." "You see?" "He loves you." "Shut up, you wall-eyed wife stealer!" "Bravo!" "He's jealous, too!" "Would you care to strike me?" "I'm a cad." "I'll get to you later." "I know you're not really my wife, but I'd like you to be." "I wouldn't dream of holding you to any rash promises." "It might hurt your broken-down career." "I don't want my broken-down career." "Shall we go?" "Where are we going?" "Where we go every night." "He's always so embarrassed in front of men whose intentions are honorable." "We'll paint the town rouge." "we'll dance until dawn, laughing and singing and drinking champagne by the kilometer." "Oh, mr." "Putnam." "Inform the state department" "I'm getting my 200 bucks' worth tonight." "What do you want with me?" "Sam's come back to you." "Reach up and pluck him like a ripe peach." "He's not ripe enough." "I want him to suffer." "Ethel!" "Ethel!" "Suffer." "Don't lose sight of that cab." "The girl I married is in there." "Fouquet has done it again." "Good night, cherie." "good night, Philippe." "Take the young lady to her hotel." "It's 94 rue fauberge." "Oui, monsieur Fouquet." "thank you." "Guess who." "Oh, no!" "Oh, yes." "Please go home." "The game is over." "Last half of the ninth." "Philippe, he followed us." "He saw you coming in?" "That's what I wanted." "Has there been any insanity in your family?" "No." "There is now." "They will never believe this." "Me, Philippe Fouquet, fighting for my honor." "You home wrecker, you!" "In america, we'd hang you." "Whatever I did I did in self-defense." "You..." "Gigolo!" "Sam!" "You really care." "We're going back to the hotel." "Stand up so I can knock you down again." "Explain to him" "I'll lie down here while she's explaining." "Philippe?" "Philippe, what's happened?" "What is it?" "What have they done to you?" "Who are you?" "Oh, miss Jackson, my wife mrs." "Fouquet." "Oh, married, too." "In america, we'd string you up after we'd hung you for the other thing." "For what?" "For trying to make a foolish girl go back to her man?" "For trying to throw her out of my apartment?" "Almost every night another silly woman follows him home." "It's becoming monotonous." "Nobody told me that he had a wife." "To everyone, I am his housekeeper." "It must not be known all over france that Philippe Fouquet is an old married man with five children." "Huh!" "Five children." "Oh, I am a very good housekeeper." "If it were known, it'd be bad for my business." "How could he support his family?" "That's what I want to know." "Philippe Fouquet must play the gay dog, singing, dancing, a different woman every night." "And then I always come home to my wife." "Tired, but he comes home." "Gay paree." "I'll never believe another story about paris." "And I don't believe this." "You can fool s." "Winthrop Putnam with that act, but not sam." "I'm a new kind of boy!" "Shh." "You'll wake the children." "If he has children, I'll eat 'em all..." "On toast." "White or whole wheat?" "Silence!" "Silence." "les enfants, these are my good american friends-- mademoiselle Jackson and mr." "Putnam, who don't believe that you exist, by the way." "Hello." "Hello." "That is enough." "Let's go to bed." "Charles." "Yvonne." "She's right." "I'll take you upstairs." "Oui, papa." "you see?" "This is my career." "Good night." "Good night." "Well?" "Well, all this proves is you're running around with a married man." "It proves nothing of the sort!" "How did I know he was married?" "It's a state secret." "Then you were seeing a man who wasn't married." "Well, I didn't know he had five children." "You probably wouldn't care if he had five wives." "Please, please, please!" "Go home." "Kiss each other." "Get married." "Do something..." "So we can all go to bed." "I married her once." "That's enough." "How do I convince this poached egg that I love him?" "Love is for peasants." "All right, so I'm a peasant." "Philippe, isn't love wonderful?" "I ask you." "Love?" "It is marvelous." "I tell you." "♪ Ask anybody in paris ♪" "♪ He'll agree ♪" "♪ Well, it's not for me ♪" "♪ But it's so enjoyable ♪" "♪ I hate it ♪" "♪ So girl and boy-able ♪" "♪ Huh!" "Overrated ♪" "♪ Love is a happy thing ♪" "♪ Sheer stupidity ♪" "♪ You're stupid ♪" "♪ Stop being a fool ♪" "♪ And give me a kiss ♪" "♪ She's right, you're a mule ♪" "♪ You keep out of this ♪" "♪ The fault is not hers, it's mine ♪" "♪ That's fine, now can I go?" "♪" "♪ If I can follow ♪" "♪ It's so deplorable, it's frightful ♪" "♪ She's so adorable, he's spiteful ♪" "♪ I only hope they can work it out alone ♪" "Philippe!" "Philippe!" "♪ Au revoir, my friends ♪" "♪ I've got problems of my own ♪" "♪ You're following me ♪" "♪ Well, that isn't true ♪" "♪ You're following me ♪" "♪ Who's following who?" "♪" "♪ Let's call it a day ♪" "♪ O.K., Let's kiss and say good-bye ♪" "♪ Good-bye forever ♪" "♪ Please ♪" "♪ Isn't love wonderful?" "♪" "♪ I ask you ♪" "♪ Isn't love marvelous?" "♪" "♪ I ask you ♪" "♪ I never knew my heart could sing ♪" "♪ Never missed a warm embrace ♪" "♪ April in paris ♪" "Isn't it beautiful?" "What a built." "♪ What have you done to ♪" "♪ My heart?" "♪" "Poof!"