"Previously on weeds... that was a real nice brick dae." "I left you a package in the garage." "Heroin?" "We need these votes." "I'm thinkinga golf membership." "I don't play golf." "What is ityou do play,celia?" "I play house." "We're shooting a moviein one of our empty houses." "Needs a caterer." "You'll thank me later." "Can you convince momthat I'm stuck in a classroom full of religious zealotstwo klicks away from jihad?" "I like you,nancy botwin." "I bet you look good rollingright out of bed in the morning." "You fucking him the whole timeyou were married to me?" "It's just business between us,always has been." "Agent fundis,dea." "I'm here to talkabout peter scottson." "He hasn't come into workfor a few days,and we haven't heard from him." "Clinique here gon' take youand fuck the gay out of you." "I can see your boner." "Don't be embarrassed." "That's what god's loveis all about." "I've been shot!" "Man,you thinkit was the mexicans?" "Cucaracha motherfuckers." "Now,where's our crop?" "You get your fuckin' crops,andthen we're done with your ass." "It's overwhen i say it's over." "U-turn?" "U-turn,oh,my god." "Call for help!" "I've been waiting a long timefor this,motherfucker." "U-turn's dead!" "He's dead!" "Weeds Season 03 Episode 07" "why exactly is he in a hot tub?" "The boat didn't fit." "Oh,of course not,yeah." "Look at his grand-mama crying over there in her designer dress." "He sure was good to her." "She gonna miss that gravy train." "Someone should go over there and poke him." "See if he flinch or something,just to be sure." "He looks pretty dead to me." "'Sup,two strikes?" "Hey,clinique,how you doing,baby?" "Oh,I'm fuckin' pregnant again." "Some indian kid I mercy-fucked for u-turn." "Oh,sorry." "Y'all know each other?" "No,hi." "Two strikes,is it?" "Nancy.Hello." "I ain't giving this one up." "Damn." "I remember when he was just a wannabe,when we busted our carjacking cherries together." "He taught me how to drive-by." "Respect." "Thank you." "Don't think of this as a loss of identity." "Think of this as an upgrade to a better way of life -- better services,better schools,better tax base." " This merger " " Oh,enough." "Agrestic and majestic are never gonna merge." "I told them about your deal with celia." "Where are our houses?" "I was more than generouswith all of you." "Let's get an idea of how the vote's gonna go." "I got to get home for are you smarter than a 5th grader?" "All in favor of a town merger with majestic,say,aye." "Aye." "All those against." "Nay." "Oh,the nays have it." "Up your ass,groff." "Friends,this is a colossal mistake." "Think of the people you represent." "The votes aren't there." "Nothing more to say." "Find yourself another town to swallow." "Celia can help you." "She's good at that." "All right,not so fast,4th grader." "There is a way to bypass a city council on this issue." "If it's put to a referendum,the town can decide." "Referendum." "Hell of an idea,councilwoman hodes." "Whore.Whore." "Whore." "You did that on purpose." "Hey,guys,come on.What's wrong with you people?" "Whore." "Miss hodes knows that this is good for agrestic." "Whatever." "Let's get out of here." "I want to thank you for that." "Hey,that's what friends do." "I don't want to be your friend." "Come home with me." "What about lunch tomorrow?" "I'm not hungry for food." "Well,maybe by then you will be." "So,what does this mean for our debt?" "Are we off the hook?" "Depends on who makes new leader." "Well,how does that work?" "Is there an election?" "What,you ain't get the ballot?" "There's marvin.Maybe he can shed some light." "Hey,marvin." "How you doing?" "Okay." "I know this must bereally hard for you,losing your friend, your cuz,which could mean your cousinor not " "I'm a little unclear -- but also your leader." "My dad and his momswere second cousins." "Well,there you go." "So,I just also wanted to say that it's been greatgetting to know you, and maybe one day -- wait." "You think 'cause u-turn dead,you off the hook?" "No?" "Who's in charge now?" "Me." "I'm the nigga in chargeover here." "You owe me now." "You got a problemwith that?" "No,no,no." "It's just,um,it's a big jobyou're taking on,marvin." "I'm a big boy." "How's your ass doing?" "How'd you know about that?" "Nancy?" "I didn't say anything." "I swear." "U-turn --he said something about it the other daywhen he paid me a visit." "He saidthe mexicans popped you?" "You gonna takethat shit on?" "I ain't afraidof those taco bells." "But I amgonna settle things right." "Settle?" "Call a meeting,figure something outbefore we all kill each other." "You goin' face-to-face?" "They gonna gun your big ass downfor real this time." "Not with her there,they won'T." "No one wants a dead white ladyon their hands." "Oh,I'm not sure I'm comfortablegoing to a gang summit." "You ain't got no fucking choice." "We goin' tomorrow." "I thought you were goingto summer camp." "Too expensivewith the divorce." "Everything's a mess." "So,what's the deal here?" "Watch." "This is a case of betrayal." "Judas did it." "This is the strange caseof the mad scientist." "Big bang's a lie,and dinosaurs lived on earththe same time as man." " Shane botwin!" " What?" "If you're gonna shoveyour doctrine down our throats,at least be clever about it." "I thought I was,but I guessyou're just too smart for me." "Perhaps you should take over,present something to the classthat is mysterious to you." " Okay." " Okay!" "Stand up." "I'd like to solve the mystery of the school thatreceives federal funding yet promotesa religious curriculum in direct violation of church-state separationmandates." "Sit down,shane botwin." "Yes,sir." "Jesus christ." "Exactly." "How you doing?" "You know,living the dream." "You?" "How did you knowmarvin got shot?" "U-turn never said anythingabout it that day." "You really think you deserveto know the answer to that?" "I think that's what youwanted to talk to me about." "Maybe I want to talk to youabout how you kiss." "Maybe that's a discussionfor another time." "Look,the mexicansare real pissed at marvin for his parting the drive-by." "U-turn's really pissedthey shot marvin in the ass." "Maybe they didn't shoot himin the ass." "Maybe someone else did it to make it look likethe mexicans did it." "Maybe someone did itto start a gang war and let all them motherfuckerskill each other so that wecould all be free." "Don't go to this meeting." "Now he's concerned." "What the hellwas I supposed to do?" "Something." "Maybe I was doing it." "Yeah." "Sorry I knocked overyour plant." "Wasn't my plant." "I'm telling you,mom,I'm ata very impressionable age." "And if you're not careful,this pedagogy will take root, and you'll end up witha right-wing narc on your hands." "Hang tough." "Stick to your beliefs." "Show a little character." "I know you have it in you." "They're fundamentalists." "You're not getting outof summer school!" "I don't have anywhere elseto put you." "You're not sitting at home allday playing with my video games." "Don't sayi didn't warn you." "Morning." "Mom,this is tara." "Little early for a visitor,isn't it?" "She slept over." "Silas." "mom." "not aftermegan and quinn." "I'm not going through thisagain." "You're not gonna make methat mom." "Tara,it's lovely to meet you." "You seem like a nice girl." "But my son isn't allowed to havesleepovers,and he knows this." "Oh,we're not having sex,mrs.Botwin." "I'm a virgin." "Oh,really?" "I honor godwith my abstinence." "until the day I joinmy husband in marriage." "You don't say." "They're everywhere." "It's true." "We're abstaining." "Well,good for you." "I have a question." "Do you really thinkevolution is a lie?" "Well,I believe that I'm descended fromadam and eve and not a monkey." "So,natural selection,darwinism,empirical data -- none of that factors infor you?" "Evolution is just a theory." "I mean,that's why they call itthe theory of evolution and notthe fact of evolution." " Oh,what about - - hey!" "You've asked your question." "Now shut the fuck up." "Silas,don't swearat your brother." "Shane,don't antagonize tara." "Tara,keep saving itfor the lord." "Where the fuck's andy?" "Okay,everybody,that's lunch!" "Lexington steele?" "Oh,pleasure to meet you,sir!" "Andy botwin,huge fan!" "Not huge the way you're huge --admiration huge." "Thanks,bud." "Hey,I took you in the ass." "Your dildo,the one theyhad molded from your dick." "I was with a girl,israeli." "She strapped it on." "To be truthful,for me,too big -- the dildo,not the girl." "Gave me a little oose-layoopy-pay,know what I mean?" "Look,what's goodon the menu?" "Oh,what isn't good?" "I present youa mediterranean feast -  hummus,baba ghanoush,couscous   got any beef?" "Oh,yeah,kebabs right there." "So,does beef keep you hard?" "I just like beef." "Hey." "Oh,ladies,back away." "One stray pubein the tabbouleh,the health department couldshut down the whole buffet." "Wait,look at you shaven mavens." "I take it all back." "Go ahead,step right up." "You're funny." " And cute." " for a cook." "What's up?" "Come on in." "Close the door." "Fine,but we're keepingthe shades open." "Listen,I just had a developmentget shut down in phoenix becauseof some paperwork issues, and I need for thatnot to happen here." "Be a doll and legalize my constructioncrew for me this afternoon." "Look,I know this is not the most kosherthing in the world to do, so if you can't do it,I'll just fire youand hire someone who will." "Uh,you have no ideahow unkosher I can be." "Now I'm intrigued." "Tell me more." "Can I do this tomorrow?" "I have an appointmentthis afternoon." "An appointment?" "It's a woman thing." "Oh,well,it always is with you women." "Okay,tomorrow." "I got lunch." "I figured we'd eat at one of those tablesin the courtyard and -- oh." "Nancy,I only havetwo sandwiches." "I'm sorry." "No problem,celia." "You know,sullivan,the fastest way to get thosereferendum signatures may be to have nancy gather them." "She has scadsof sales experience." "That's a great idea,celia." "Yeah,you've got yourselfa good little worker here." "I'll be back later." "Dude,if you are fuckingwith us,that is so not cool." "They're rolling." "These are my dishwashers." "Over here." "Be cool." "This is the greatest thingI've ever seen." "Why is the black guywearing a pirate's hat?" "It's calledpeckers of the caribbean." "He's captain jack." "Get it?" "Not really." "Shouldn't they be on a ship?" "There's an anchor." "Ooh,pardon me." "Come on,still rolling here." "Come on,keep going." "Still rolling." "We're still rolling." "Oh,god!" "Actually,I need five minutes." "Better make it 10." "Cut!" "Cut!" "Hey." "How you doing?" "Sore." "Hi,I'm,uh,I'm " " I'm dean." "Are you staring at my tits?" "Paul,get this fucking creepout of here." "I didn't do anything." "Jenny" " Fucking pervert." " I didn't do anything" "Escort mr.Tits hereoff the property." "I didn't do anything." "I didn't do any--I didn't do anything!" "Paul,I got to go home." "His food gave me the shits." "Well,I guess we're even." "God damn it!" "My lead's gone." "This is not good --not good!" "Let's do all girls." "Honey,it's calledpeckers of the caribbean." "How are we gonna do a movieabout peckers without peckers?" "I'll do it." "I,uh,recently measured myself,and I'm quite large -- not lex large,but respectable,and I'm practically a peg leg." "Fuck you." "Okay,fair enough." "Jenny,this one goes,too." "And you,listen to me." "From now on,it's chicken and fucking rice." "If I see anything ethnicon this table,you are fired." "The only thing I want comingout of my actors' asses is a hard dick,got it?" "Say you love jesus." "Say it." "If I say I love another man,doesn't that make me gay?" "Do you want to be damnedfor all eternity?" "No,I just want youto go to hell." "We're trying to save you." "You guys,stop." "Blessed are the peacemakers." "Matthew 5:9." "Shane,don't youwant to be saved?" "By you?" "Well,only you can decideto take jesus into your heart,but I can help." "We can talk about him,study his word." "Why don't we try it at lunchtoday,see how it goes?" "Okay." "Great." "What happened to you?" "Amelia's going to save me." "Amelia." "I'm not surethis is such a good idea." "You second-guessing me,bitch?" "No,not at all." "Respect." "I'm just --maybe you shouldn't mention them having shot youor the drive-by." "You know how gangsterscan be and their egosand their guns and shivs." "Look,they ain't gonna shoot youin public,so just shut the fuck up." "Hey,it'sthe brick dance lady." "Yo." "Give me backour fucking chiva." "Man,I don't got your chiva." "I'm just here to tell you that if you let me havethe weed trade, you can take everything else --all the hard shit's yours." "I ain't a greedy hard asslike u-turn." "Where's our fucking chiva,pendejo?" "Yo,man,I ain't got it." "Son of a bitch." "Maybe we kill you anyway,turn you on a spit." "We can feeda whole fuckin' country." "Uh,what's --what's chiva?" " Tigre,goma,brea." " No,no,no.No comprende." "Heroin,chelita." "Now I think I knowwhat he's talking about." "Maybe." "You got my chapopote?" "Aw,jeez,you have so many names for it." "Yeah,it's kind of likeeskimos and snow,right?" "You better talk quick beforeI pop gordito here,querida." "if I knew where it was --your." "stuff - and you got it back,would you leave us alone?" "Oh,piece-of-shit bastard." "Would you please take the gunout of his mouth?" "That motherfucker trusted youand not me?" "Okay,enough,marvin." "He didn't appreciate you." "Now,listen " " I want you to wipe out my debt,all of it, along with heylia'sand conrad's -- gone,finished,over." "Bullshit." "You mine,bitch." "You all mine." "Guillermo,marvin doesn't wantme to give you your chiva back" "I want to,but I'm his bitch,so I can'T." "Yo,fat albert -- you gonna give my brick-dancerwhat she wants?" "Or maybe you want to hang outwith u-turn again." "I'm sure that he's lonelyen el infierno." "Okay." "Okay." "On your mother's life?" "I swear." "You off the hook." "And I'm growing impatient." "Okay,one sec,one sec,one sec,one sec." "Hold on." "Okay.Tomorrow morning,go to this address, follow these instructions,you'll get your trunk." "Okay?" "Hey,both of you." "these streetsbelongs to méxico now." "You out of the drug business,amigos." "Not even mota." "Oh,that's weeding english." "I don't ever want to seeor hear about you dealing anywherein my city -- nada." "Nothing." "Hey,amelia,I missed you at lunch today." "What happened?" "I apologize,shane." "I haven't forgotten about you." "The lord has sent me someone who's in greater needof prayer and counsel." "Yeah?" "But I-I'ma blasphemous,liberal jew." "What could be worsethan that?" "Isabel thinksshe's a homosexual,but she's just lost her way." "I've got to help her." "Hola." "Bien,gracias." "hola." "Su nombrees,uh,martin shackelman." "Hola,señor shackelman." "Mi nombrees estefan fenelón." "No,estefan." "You are now harold strauss." "S?" "**********" "sign with your new name,por favor." "Sign this petition for an agrestic/majesticmerge." "S?" "It's a beautiful thing." "Gracias." "Por favor." "Got to learn spanish." "Your referendum, nonkosher." "I don't believe it." "You couldn't have had timeto get them all." "I'm very resourceful." "There's a towelin the bathroom if you need to get outof your wet clothes." "I don't need a towel." "You're gonna help mecelebrate." "What are we celebrating?" "My freedom." "Are you quitting?" "No." "At least not yet." "We're gonna seehow this goes first." "Any chanceyou speak spanish?" "Never mind." "Oh, I have to warn you." "My last two relationships-- both guys ended up dead." "Weeds Season 03 Episode 07"