"Dear Friend..." "I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have." "Please don't try to figure out who I am I don't want you to do that." "I just need to know that people like you exist." "Like if you met me, you wouldn't think I was the weird kid who spent time in the hospital." "And I wouldn't make you nervous." "I hope it's okay for me to think that." "You see, I haven't really talked to anyone outside of my family all summer." "But tomorrow is my first day of high school ever and I need to turn things around." "So, I have a plan." "As I enter the school for the first time I will visualize what it will be like on the last day of my senior year." "Unfortunately, I counted, and that's..." "Hop, freshman toads." "Hop!" "Let's move it, boys!" "...1385 days from now." "Worked out all summer." "Rock hard." "You know, Why don't you guys get a room?" "Just 1385 days." "In the meantime, I'd hoped that my sister Candace and her boyfriend Derek would have let me eat lunch with their Earth Club." "Seniors only." "What are you doing with that plastic spork?" "I don't want to bring back silverware." "Derek, you're Earth Club Treasurer." "Come on." "When my sister said no I thought maybe my old friend Susan would want to have lunch with me." "In middle school, Susan was very fun to be around, but now she doesn't like to say hi to me anymore." "And then there's Brad Hays." "Before my brother went to play football for Penn State he and Brad played together." "So, I thought maybe he'd say hi to me." "But Brad's a senior and I'm me, so, who am I kidding?" "On the bright side, one senior decided to make fun of the teacher instead of the freshmen." "He even drew on Mr. Callahan's legendary goatee with a grease pencil." "The prick punch is not a toy." "I learned that back in 'Nam in '68." ""Callahan," the sergeant said "you put down that prick punch, you go kill some gooks."" "And you know what happened?" "That prick punch killed my best friend in a Saigon whorehouse." "I heard you were gonna be in my class." "Are you proud to be a senior having to take freshman shop, Patty-Cakes?" "Look." "My name is Patrick." "Either you call me Patrick or you call me nothing." "Okay, Nothing." "I felt really bad for Patrick." "He wasn't saying the impersonation to be mean or anything." "He was just trying to make us freshmen feel better." "Nothing, why don't you read first?" "Alright." "Chapter 1." "Surviving your fascist shop teacher, who needs to put kids down to feel big." "Oh, wow." "This is useful guys." "We should read on." "My last class of the day is advanced English and I'm really excited to finally learn with the smartest kids in the school." "Nice Trapper Keeper, faggot." "Believe it or not she's gotten straight A since kindergarten." "I'm Mr. Anderson." "I'm going to be your teacher for freshman English." "This semester, we're going to be learning Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird." "Genius book." "Now, who'd like to get out of the first pop quiz?" "I'm shocked." "Alright." "Well, you can skip the quiz if you tell me which author invented the paperback book." "Anyone?" "He was British." "He also invented the serial." "In fact, at the end of the third chapter of his first novel he had a man hanging from a cliff by his fingernails." "Hence, the term cliffhanger." "Anybody?" " Yeah." " Shakespeare." "That's a great guess, but no, Shakespeare didn't write novels." "Anybody else?" "The author is Charles Dickens." "However, if you and I had gone to a Shakespeare play it would have cost us 4 pennies." "Can you imagine that?" "We would have put those pennies in a metal box the ushers would lock in the office." "And that's where we get the term..." "Cash register." "I'll give you a free "A" on anything till the final term paper if you get it right." "Box office." "You should learn to participate." "Why didn't you raise your hand?" "They call you teacher's pet?" "Freak?" "That kind of things?" "I used to get spaz." "I mean, come on, spaz?" "You know, I heard you had a tough time last year." "But they say if you make one friend on your first day, you're doing okay." "Thank you, sir." "But if my English teacher is the only friend I make today that would be sort of depressing." "Yeah." "I could see that." "Don't worry, Mr. Anderson." "I'm okay." "Thanks." "I would happily not take shop..." "Hey, Freshman Toad." "Well, I have 1384 days to go." "Just so I say it to someone high school is even worse than middle school." "If my parents ask me about it, I probably won't tell them the truth because I don't want them to worry that I might get bad again." "If my Aunt Helen were still here, I could talk to her." "And I know she would understand how I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." "I just hope I make a friend soon." "Love always, Charlie." "Charlie, come on." "This chicken paprikash is delicious." "Thank you, Derek." "It's Charlie's favorite." "He was a little nervous about starting high school today so I made it for him." "You feel a little silly about being nervous now, huh, champ?" "Yes, sir." "I do" "I told you." "Just give 'em a smile and be yourself." " That's how you..." " "...make friends in the real world."" "You're cruisin' for a bruisin'" "Freshman year is tough, but you really find yourself." "Thanks, Derek." "You know, you could be a little nicer to Derek." "I'm sorry." "The kid's a pussy." "I can't stand him." " I really hope you love the mix tape I made." " I do." " The cover is hand-painted." " Oh." "Wow." "Hey, Charlie, you want this?" "Are you sure?" "He gives me one every week." "Hey, Babe." "This next one might be a little sad but it reminded me of your eyes." "Did you already do the term paper on To Kill a Mockingbird?" "Let's go, Devils!" "Come on." " Hey, Nothing." " Hey, Nothing." "Oh, suck it, virginity pledges!" "Suck it!" "Hey, Patrick." "Hey!" "You're in my shop class, right?" "How's your clock coming?" "My dad's building it for me." "Yeah." "Mine looks like a boat." "You wanna sit over here, or are you waiting for your friends?" "Oh, no, no, I'll sit." "Thanks for not calling me "Nothing" by the way." "It's an endless nightmare." "And these assholes, they actually think they're being original." " So, uh... do you like football?" " Love it." "Love football." "Maybe you know my brother, then." "Hey, Sam." "Question." "Could the bathrooms here be more disgusting?" "Yes, they call it the men's room." "So, I finally got hold of Bob." "Party tonight?" "He's still trying to shag that waitress from the Olive Garden." "Oh, he's never tossing that salad." "Come on!" "Patrick!" " Yeah." " Who's this?" "This is..." " Charlie..." "Kelmeckis." " Kelmeckis!" "No shit!" " Your sister's dating Pony Tail Derek, isn't she?" " God!" "Is that what they call him?" "Would you leave Pony Tail Derek alone?" "You put the "ass" in "class," Patrick." "I try, Sam." "I try." "It's nice to meet you, Charlie." "I'm Sam." "So, Sam, what's the plan?" "Are we going to Mary Elizabeth's tonight?" "Nope." "She got caught watering down her parent's brandy with iced tea." "Let's just go to Kings." "Alright." "We're going to Kings after the game if you wanna come." "Do you have a favorite band?" "Well, I think The Smiths are my favorite." "Are you kidding?" "I love The Smiths!" "The best breakup band ever." "What's your favorite song?" "Asleep." "It's from Louder Than Bombs." "I heard it on Pony Tail Derek's mix tape." "Oh, that works on so many levels." "I can make you guys a copy if you want." "What about Eide's?" "You love Eide's, right?" "Yeah, of course." "They're great." "Not a band, Charlie." "It's a record store downtown." "I think it sounds so much better on the Vinyl." "You know, I used to be popular before Sam got me some good music." "So, you should be careful." "She'll ruin your life forever." "That's okay." " Hey, Nothing." " Hey, Nothing." "Let it go!" "Jesus!" "It's an antique joke!" "It's over!" "So, what are you gonna do when you get out of this place?" "Well, My Aunt Helen said I should be a writer, but.." "I don't know what I'd write about." " You could write about us." " Yeah." "Call it Slut and The Falcon." "Make us solve crimes." "You guys seem really happy together." "How long have you been boyfriend and girlfriend?" "He's not my boyfriend." "He's my step-brother." "My mom finally left my worthless dad and married his nice dad when we moved here." "But She's not bitter or anything." "Make no mistake." "Absolutely not." "Charlie, I'm not a bulimic." "I'm a bulim-ist." "I'm..." "I'm sorry." "I don't know what that is." "She just really believes in bulimia." "I love bulimia." "Hey, thanks for paying, Charlie." "Oh, no problem." "Thank you guys for the ride." "Maybe I'll see you around in school?" "God, would you turn that down?" "You're gonna make us deaf." "So be it!" "It's Rock and roll." " Bye, Charlie." " Bye, Charlie." "Okay." "Bye." "Your mom says Don't go to Columbia with Candace." " Don't go to Columbia..." " Shut..." "Do you always want to be a mama's boy, Derek?" " I am not a mama's boy." " Yes, you are!" "Because Every single time I go to your house, every single time..." "Shut up, Candace!" "...and you stand there like a little beach..." "Charlie, Charlie, just go." "I can handle it." "Just don't wake up mom and dad." "Hey, look who's here." "Welcome home, Aunt Helen!" "Oh." "Look at you guys, dressed so nice." "Candace what are you doing?" "Look, I egged him on." "You saw it." "He's never hit me before." "And I promise you he'll never hit me again." "Like Aunt Helen's boyfriends?" "Charlie, this is Pony Tail Derek." "I can handle him." "Do you trust me?" "Please, don't tell mom and dad." "Oh, my God." "They're playing good music." "Holy shit." "Holy shit." "They are!" "They're playing good music." "Living room routine?" "Living room routine!" " Yes!" " I'm sorry." " Excuse us!" "Excuse me!" " I'm sorry!" " Pardon me." " Sorry." "Get out of the way!" "Get out of the way!" "God, it's freezing." "Ho, but you wore that toasty costume." "It's not like it's cute or original you'd hope it'd be warm." "Yeah, piss off, Tennessee Tuxedo." "Are you sure it's okay that I come?" "Yeah, of course." "Just remember, Charlie..." " Bob's not paranoid." " "He's sensitive."" "Sam that waitress from the Olive Garden, she was such a tease." "Will you marry me?" " Only with Patrick's blessing." " Patrick?" "You're a hopeless stoner who attends the culinary institute." "So, I'm gonna have to say "no" on that, but nice try." " Charlie?" " Oh, touché." "So, Charlie... this is a party." "This is what fun looks like." "Are you ready to meet some desperate women?" "Here, have a seat." "Hey, ladies, meet Charlie." " Hi." " Meet ladies." "Hey." " Mary Elizabeth." " Alice." "Nice to meet you." "This is Charlie's first party ever." "So, I expect nice, meaningful, heartfelt blow jobs from both of you." " Patrick, you're such a dick." " Where the hell did you go?" "The dance was a little boring, don't you think?" "You're so selfish." "We looked everywhere for you." "You could have told someone." "Cry me a river." "How is it that you've got meaner since becoming a Buddhist." "Just lucky I guess." "No, you're doing something wrong, I think." " Or something very right." " Yeah, well..." "Hey!" "Look who's here!" "Is that Brad Hays?" "Yeah." "He comes here sometimes." "But he's a popular kid." "Then, what are we?" "Oh, Charlie, you look like you could use a brownie." "Thank you." "I was so hungry at the dance." "I was gonna go to King's but I didn't really have any time." "Thanks." "Have you guys felt this carpet?" "This carpet feels so darn good." "Charlie." "Charlie, what do you think about high school?" "High school?" "Bullshit." "Cafeteria is called the Nutrition Center." "People wear their letter jackets even when it's 98 degrees out." "And why do they give out letter jackets for marching band?" "It's not a sport, we all know it." "This kid is crazy." "Mary Elizabeth, I think you're really gonna regret that, you know haircut when you look back at old photographs." "I'm really sorry." "It sounded like a compliment in my head." " God!" " Well, it's kind of true." "Shut up!" "Bob, did you get him stoned?" "Come on, Sam." "He likes it." "Just look at him." "How do you feel, Charlie?" "I just really want a milkshake." "Sam you have such pretty brown eyes." "The kind of pretty that deserves to make a big deal about itself." "You know what I mean?" "Okay, Charlie." "Let me make the milkshake." "What a great word." "Milkshake." "It's like when you say your name over and over again in the mirror and after awhile, it sounds crazy." "So, I'm guessing you've never been high before?" "No." "No, no, no." "My best friend Michael." "His dad was a big drinker." "So, he hated all that stuff." "Parties, too." "Well, where is Michael tonight?" "Oh, he shot himself last May." "Kinda wished he'd left a note." "You know what I mean?" "Where's the bathroom?" " It's up the stairs." " Thanks, Sam." "You're so nice." "Charlie." "Weird." "Oh!" "Charlie?" " Who is that kid?" " Relax." "Relax." "He's a friend of mine." "Stay here." "I didn't see anything." "Yeah, I know you saw something, but it's okay." "Okay, listen..." "Brad doesn't want anyone to know." "Wait..." " Are you baked?" " "Like a cake."" "That's what Bob said." "And how you can't have 3 on a match because then they'd find us." "And everyone laughed, but I don't understand what's funny." "Okay, Charlie, listen." "I need you to promise that you're not gonna say anything to anyone about me and Brad." "Okay?" "This has to be our little secret." "Our little secret." "Agreed." "Okay." "Thank you." "We'll talk later." "I look forward to that big talk." "Isn't this the best milkshake ever, Alice?" "It's even better than the first one." "I need to talk to you." "Charlie just told me that his best friend shot himself." "I don't think he has any friends." "Hey." "Everyone." "Everybody." "Everyone." "Raise your glasses to Charlie." " What did I do?" " You didn't do anything." "We just wanna toast to our new friend." "You see things." "And you understand." "You're a wallflower." "What is it?" "What's wrong?" "I didn't think anyone noticed me." "Well, we didn't think there was anyone cool left to meet." "So, Come on, everyone." " To Charlie." " To Charlie." "Welcome to the island of misfit toys." " Oh, my God." "What is this song!" "?" " Right?" "I have no idea." "Have you ever heard this before?" "Never." "Patrick, We've gotta go through the tunnel!" " Sam, it's freezing." " Patrick, it's the perfect song!" "No." "Mama Patrick says no." "Patrick." "Patrick, it's Sam." "It's Sam speaking to you..." " ..." "I'm begging you to..." " I concede!" "What is she doing?" "Don't worry." "She does it all the time." "Turn it up!" "You got it, your highness." "What?" "I feel infinite." "Dear Friend..." "I'm sorry I haven't written for awhile, but I've been trying hard not to be a loser." "For example, I am trying to participate by listening to Sam's collection of big rock ballads and thinking about love." "Sam says they are kitschy and brilliant." "I completely agree." "I am also writing essays and studying extra books outside of class." "As it turns out, Mr. Anderson is a writer." "He even had a play put up in New York once, which I think is very impressive." "He and his wife might go back there after this year." "I know this is selfish, but I really hope he doesn't." "My favorite time, though, is lunch because I get to see Sam and Patrick." "We spend the time working on Mary Elizabeth's fanzine about music and The Rocky Horror Picture Show." "It's called Punk Rocky." "Mary Elizabeth is really interesting because she is a Buddhist and a punk but somehow she always acts like my father at the end of a "long day."" "Her best friend Alice loves vampires and wants to go to film school." "She also steals jeans from the mall." "I don't know why because her family is rich but I'm trying not to be judgemental." "Especially since I know that they were all there for Patrick last year." "Patrick never likes to be serious, so it took me awhile to get what happened." "When he was a junior, Patrick started seeing Brad on the weekends in secret." "I guess it was hard, too because Brad had to get drunk every time they fooled around." "Then, Monday in school, Brad would say:" ""Man, I was so wasted." "I don't remember a thing."" "This went on for 7 months." "When they finally did it, Brad said he loved Patrick." "Then, he started to cry." "No matter what Patrick did, Brad kept saying his dad would kill him." "And saying that he was going to hell." "Patrick was eventually able to help Brad get sober." "I asked Patrick if he felt sad that he still had to keep it a secret and he said no because at least now, Brad doesn't have to get drunk to love him." "I think that I understand because I really like Sam." "I asked my sister about her and she said that when Sam was a freshman the upper classmen used to get her drunk at parties." "I guess she had a reputation." "But I don't care." "I'd hate for her to judge me based on what I used to be like." "So, I've been making her a mix tape so she will know how I feel." "Ah, shit!" " C!" " C!" " Give a K!" " K!" " Gimme a Y!" " Y!" " What's that spell!" "?" " R-O-C-K-Y!" " I can't hear you!" " Rocky!" " One more time!" " Rocky!" "¶¶ Whatever happened to Fae Wray?" "¶¶" "¶¶ That delicate, satin draped frame?" "¶¶" "¶¶ As it clung to her thigh how I started to cry ¶¶" "¶¶ 'cause I wanted to be dressed just the same. ¶¶" "¶¶ Give yourself over to absolute pleasure ¶¶" "¶¶ Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh ¶¶" "¶¶ Erotic nightmares beyond any measure ¶¶" "¶¶ And sensual daydreams to treasure forever ¶¶" "¶¶ Can't you just see it?" "¶¶" "¶¶ Woah oh oh!" "¶¶" "¶¶ Don't Dream It" "Be It ¶¶" "That picture is gorgeous, Craig." "What did you use?" "Oh, I know, thank you." "Color film, but black and white paper for the printing." "Yeah." "My professor gave me an "A," but for all the wrong reasons." "Most of them are idiots." "You'll see what I mean when you get to college." "How did your SAT's go by the way?" "1150." " I think I'll get into NYU." " Yeah, I hope so." "1490." "Harvard." "Face!" "So, Are you okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "But I got my SAT results back." "Oops." "You can take them again, you know." "Yeah, it's just if I'm going to Penn State main campus I have to do much better." "I wish I would have studied freshman year." "I was a bit of a mess." "I'll help you study for the next one." " Will you?" " Yeah, of course." "Thanks, Charlie." "What's this?" "Just a mix tape." "No big deal." "My parents have a pretty good stereo, so..." "It's all about that night in the tunnel." "I couldn't find that song we were listening to but, you know, I'm still searching for it, so..." "It's okay." "These are great." "Nick Drake." "The Shack's." "You have really good taste, Charlie." "Really?" "Yeah." "Way better than me as a freshman." " I used to listen to the worst top 40." " No." "Yeah, I did." "Then I heard this old song." "Pearly Dew Drops Drop." "And I thought someday I would be at a party in college or something." "And I'd look up and see this person across the room." "And from that moment, I'd know everything was going to be okay." "You know what I mean?" "Yeah." " I hope it works out." " I don't know." "Craig would be a big step up from her last boyfriend." "No, shit." "Who could forget Mr. Car Wash Loser?" "I just hope she could stop playing dumb with these guys." "I keep telling her..." "don't make yourself small." "You can't save anybody." "Man, your mix is morbidly sad, kid." "How about something a little bit more upbeat, huh?" "So, Sam tells me you want to be a writer." "Yeah." "Don't you write poetry, Craig?" "Poetry writes me." "You know?" "Let's get this party started." "That was fast." " You want another one?" " Yeah." "Alright." "Mr. Anderson." " Can I ask you something?" " Yeah." "Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?" "Are we talking about anyone specific?" "We accept the love we think we deserve." "Can we make them know that they deserve more?" "We can try." " Hey." " Hey!" "Hey, Sam." "I didn't see you come in." "How's it going?" "You want to work on probabilities and statistics?" "Yeah, sure." "Page 391 on your book." "Hey, I ordered you some breakfast..." "Dad, Can I have 30 dollars?" "20 dollars?" "What do you need 10 dollars for?" "Sam is doing secret santa." "It's her favorite thing in the world." "Please." "Have fun." "Thanks." "Charlie!" "This was my favorite book growing up." "This is my copy, but I want you to have it." "Thanks." "Have a great Christmas break." "You too, Mr. Anderson." "Terrible stain." "That's pretty good, Charlie." "You've gotta be kidding me." "If you fail me, you get me next semester." "C Minus!" "Ladies and gentlemen, I am below average!" " Below average!" " Below average!" " Guys.1210." " What?" "No more applications!" "No more SAT's!" "Thank you, Charlie!" "Alright." "Alright, guys." "I got multiple pairs of blue jeans." "Wow." "This is a really tough one, but I'm gonna have to guess..." "Alice." "Wait, guys... a receipt!" "She actually paid!" " Impossible!" " I'm so touched." " Where's Craig?" " Oh, he went home to Connecticut." "But he'll be back for New Year's Eve." "I'm sorry we won't be seeing him tonight." "Alright, big brother by 3 weeks." " Who's your secret santa?" " I'll tell you, Sam." "This one's tough." "I have received a harmonica, a magnetic poetry set a book about Harvey Milk and a mix tape with the song "Asleep" on it twice." "I mean, I have no idea." "This collection of presents is so gay that I think I must have given them to myself." "But despite that distinct possibility I'm gonna have to go with drum roll..." "Charlie." " Obviously." " Beautifully done." "Alright, Charlie." "It's your turn." "Okey dokey." "Uh, I have received socks, pants, a shirt, and a belt." "I was ordered to wear them all tonight." "So, I'm guessing my secret santa is Mary Elizabeth." " Huh." "Now, why do you say that?" " I don't know." "You know, She bosses people around sometimes." " What the hell is wrong with you?" " Sorry." "You'll be surprised to know that your secret santa is actually... me." "Why all the clothes?" "Well, all the great writers used to wear great suits." "So, your last present is on a towel rack in the bathroom." "Delve into our facilities." "Emerge a star." "Oh, Perfect!" "Will you hand these out while I'm gone?" "Wait a second." "There's only secret santa presents." "There's rules, Charlie." "Mary Elizabeth, why are you trying to eat Christmas?" "Hand them out, Sam." "Alright." "Mary Elizabeth, for you." " Alice." " Thanks." "Bob." "And this one's for me." ""Alice, I know you'll get into NYU."" "40 dollars." ""To print Punk Rocky in color next time."" "He knows me." "He really knows me." "Alright, Charlie." " Come on out." " Get out here, buddy." " Come on!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" " Charlie!" " Charlie!" "Charlie!" " Don't be shy." "Come out when..." "Yeah!" "What a display of man I have ever seen!" " Where are we going?" " It's a surprise." "Is this your room?" "It's so cool." "Thanks." "You got me a present?" "After all your help on my Penn State application?" "Of course I did." "Open it." " I don't know what to say." " You don't have to say anything." "I'm really sorry we can't be here for your birthday." "No, that's okay." "I'm just sorry you have to go back and visit your dad." "I'm in such a great mood, I don't think even he could ruin it." "I feel like I'm finally doing good." " You are." " Well, what about you?" "When I met you, you were this scared freshman." "Now look at you in that suit." "You're like a sexy English school boy." " I saw Mary Elizabeth checking you out." " No." "Innocent." "Worst kind of guys." "Never see you coming." "And parents love you." "That's like extra danger." "Yeah, well, it hasn't worked so far." "You've never had a girlfriend?" " Not even a 2nd grade valentine?" " No." "Have you ever kissed a girl?" "No." "What about you?" " Have I ever kissed a girl?" " No, no!" "Your first kiss..." "I was 11." "His name was Robert." "He used to come over to the house all the time." "Was he your first boyfriend?" "He was my..." "He was my dad's boss." "You know Charlie, I used to sleep with guys who treated me like shit." "And get wasted all the time." "But now I feel like I have a chance." "Like I..." "I could even get into a real college." "Well, it's true." "You can do it." "You really think so?" "My Aunt had that same thing done to her, too." "And she turned her life around." "She must have been great." "She was my favorite person in the world until now." "Charlie..." "I know that you know I like Craig." "But I want to forget that for a minute." "Okay?" "Okay." "I just wanna make sure that the first person who kisses you loves you." "Okay?" "Okay." "I love you, Charlie." "I love you, too." "Have a good time at your mom's." "Thanks." "And listen, Charlie because your birthday is on Christmas Eve I figure you don't get that many birthday presents." "I thought you should have my clock." "From the heart." "Thank you, Patrick." " Bye." " Bye." "Have a good one, guys!" "I love you guys!" "Hey!" "Look who's here!" " Come here, little sister." " Hey, Chris." "Hey, honey." "Ma, you look so thin!" "Thank you." "Charlie..." " Come I got dinner ready." " Oh, good." " Happy birthday." " Thanks." "Make a wish, honey." "Can you see it, Charlie?" "The luminaria is a landing strip for Santa Claus." "Why don't you keep an eye out for him and I'll be right back, okay?" "I'm going to get your birthday present." "Hey." "Hey." "God, I missed mom's cooking." "You have no idea how good you have it." "I'm actually beginning to hate pizza." "So how are you liking school?" "Well, I'm no brainiac like you or Candace." "But I'm doing okay." "Okay?" "You're playing in a Bowl Game." "How are you feeling, Charlie?" "Good." "You know what I mean." "Is it bad tonight?" "No." "No." "I'm not picturing things anymore." "And even if I do, I can just shut it off." "Well, you know, mom did say that you have good friends now." "And maybe if it does get bad again..." " ...you can just talk to them, yeah?" " Yeah." "Especially Sam." "She's great." "I'm gonna ask her out at New Years." "Yeah, I think the time is right now." "How long does this take to work?" "Shoveling snow, huh?" "I have to get this driveway clean." "And then, I'm going to congratulate you on being happy because you deserve it." " You said that an hour ago." " Was that tonight?" "Oh, I just saw this tree, but it was a dragon and then it was a tree again and it just lied to me." "Okay, Charlie." "Don't freak out." "Give me the..." "Calm down." "Look up." "Isn't it quiet?" "Sam, do you think that if people knew how crazy you really were, no one would ever talk to you?" "All the time." "So, you wanna wear these glasses?" "They'll protect you." "10-9-8-7-6 5-4-3-2-1..." "It's gonna be our little secret." "...Happy New Year!" "Did your older friends pressure you?" "No one pressured me, officer." "I would never do drugs." "Never." "Then, how did you happen to be passed out on the ground at 6 in the morning?" "Well, I... you know, I was really tired and I was feeling feverish." "So, I went outside for a walk, just to get some cold air." "I started seeing things." "So, I passed out." "You're seeing things again, Charlie?" "Not..." "Not really." "Nice suit." "It was a Christmas present." "Did you have fun on your break?" "More fun than you're gonna have today, Sinatra." "Nice look, jag off." "I called him 30 times." "Well what are we supposed to do?" "We're going on in 10 minutes!" " They said in health class..." " Hello?" "I know." "They say that about LSD just to scare you." "Are you sure?" "Charlie, you're fine, man." "Guys, we have an emergency." "Craig has flaked out on us again." "So, I need a Rocky." " Brad?" " No, No way." "No, I'm not..." "There are people out here." "No." "Charlie take off your clothes." "¶¶ Then if anything grows while you pose ¶¶" "¶¶ I'll oil you up and drop you down ¶¶ ¶¶ Down, Down Down ¶¶" "¶¶ And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction ¶¶" "¶¶ You need a friendly hand ¶¶" "¶¶ And I need action ¶¶" "¶¶ Touch a touch a touch me ¶¶" "¶¶ I wanna be dirty ¶¶" "¶¶ Thrill me." "Chill me." "Fulfill me ¶¶" "¶¶ Creature of the night ¶¶" "¶¶ Creature of our night ¶¶" "¶¶ Creature of our night?" "¶¶" "¶¶ Creature of our night ¶¶" "¶¶ Creature of our night ¶¶" "¶¶ Creature of our night ¶¶" "¶¶ Creature of our night ¶¶" "¶¶ Creature of our night ¶¶" "¶¶ Creature of our night ¶¶" "Maybe I could join the cast as an alternate or something?" "Well, we're filled up now, but they're gonna need people when we go to college." "I could put in a good word for you." " That'd be great." "Thanks." " Yeah." "Charlie..." "Have you heard of the Sadie Hawkins dance?" "The one where the girl asks the guy." "Obviously, it is completely stupid and sexist." "I mean it's like, "Hey, thanks for the crumb."" "And normally, I'd just blow it off because school dances suck torture." "But, you know, it's my last year, and..." " Would you maybe wanna go with me?" " You wanna go with me?" "I'm sick of macho guys." "Plus, you looked really cute in your costume." "So, what do you say?" " You must be Mary Elizabeth." " Yes." " It's so nice to meet you." " You, too, Mrs. Kelmeckis." "Charlie tells me you're a Buddhist." " Please come in." " Okay." "A little closer together." "That looks nice." "Buddhist, I need you to smile a little bit more." "There you go." "Nice." "Are you having a good time?" "Not really." "How about you?" "I mean, I don't know." "It's my first date, I don't know what to compare it to." "You're doing fine." "I'm sorry Craig couldn't come." "Yeah." "He said he didn't want to go to some stupid high school dance." "Can't say I blame him, really." "I don't know." "If you like it, he should come." "Thanks, Charlie." "Have a beautiful first date." "You deserve it." "I'll try not to make you too jealous." "Now, just let it breathe." "This is sure a nice house." "Thanks." "Don't you just love old music?" "Yeah." "Good." "Because I made you a mix of it." "I'd love to expose you to great things." "Like Billie Holiday and foreign films." "This merlot is really fancy." "Yeah." "My dad collects wine, but he doesn't drink." "It's kinda weird, isn't it?" "I guess." "Where are your parents?" "Their club is hosting a cotillion or something racist." "They'll be gone all night." "That's sure a nice fire." "Yeah." "When I'm done being a lobbyist I wanna move to a house like this in Cape Cod." " Sounds nice, doesn't it?" " Yeah." "Your heart is beating really fast." "Is it?" "Here, feel." " Charlie?" " Uh-huh." " Do you like me?" " Uh-huh." "You know what I mean." "I think so." "Don't be nervous." "Charlie I didn't know how tonight was gonna go tonight, but..." " ...it was really nice, wasn't it?" " Yeah." "I just can't believe it." "You of all people." "I just can't believe you're my boyfriend." "Shit!" "My parents!" "Shit!" " Here, zip this up!" " Okay." "No, no, I got this." "Yeah." " Just zip it up, like a normal zipper!" " Stuck." "It's just..." "Thank you." "See you Monday." "Dear Friend..." "I'm sorry I haven't written for awhile, but things are a total disaster." "We're literally making out, and I'm in my bra." "Hello!" "And the front door opens." "It's my parents!" "I probably should have been honest about how I didn't want to go out with Mary Elizabeth after Sadie's, but I really didn't want to hurt her feelings." "You see, Mary Elizabeth is a really nice person underneath the part of her that hates everyone." "Hey!" "And since I heard that having a girlfriend makes you happy I tried hard to love her like I love Sam." "Can you believe it's almost our two week anniversary?" "Yeah, I know." "So, I took her on double dates." "Your first foreign film." " Do you want butter in your popcorn?" " Vegans don't eat butter." "And I tried not to mind that she loves to hold hands even when her hands are sweaty." "And I had to admit something really upsetting." "But..." "I'm tired of touching her boobs." "I thought maybe if she would just let me pick the make-out music once in awhile, we might have a chance." "And maybe if she didn't put down the books that Mr. Anderson gives me." "Walden?" "I read this in 7th grade." "I would have called it "On Boring Pond."" "Or if she would stop calling me the minute I get home from school when I have absolutely nothing to talk about other than the bus ride home." "Somehow she finds me things to say." "That dairy just sits with you." "You know, it walks with you." "She's on the phone right now?" "Charlie, you've gotta break up with her." "I can do that?" "For Christ's sake..." "I need to use the phone!" "I'll give you this book." "It's really how I became a vegan..." "I know I should have been honest but I was getting so mad, it was starting to scare me." "I just wish I could have found another way to break up." " Um..." "Mary Elizabeth." "Can I talk to you..." " Charlie." "Please, don't interrupt." "You know I hate that." "In hindsight, I probably could not have picked a worse way to be honest with Mary Elizabeth." " Truth or dare?" " Who are you talking to?" "I dare you... to kiss Alice." "Courage your lions, procreator." "Mary Elizabeth?" "Samantha told me that you got into Harvard." " Congratulations." " Thank you." "This one still hasn't gotten me flowers." "But I forgive you." "Hey, don't worry about Penn State." " You're just wait-listed." " Yeah." "You guys are about to miss some severely hot "fag on goth" action." " Get a room!" " You're a monster!" "My turn." "Um..." "let's see..." "Let's think..." "Charlie?" " Truth." " How's your first relationship going?" "It's so bad that I keep fantasizing that one of us is dying of cancer so that I don't have to break up with her." "Charlie?" "Truth or dare?" "Hello?" " Dare." " Okay." "I dare you to kiss the prettiest girl in the room on the lips." "And notice I charitably said girl and not person because let's face it, I'd smoke all you bitches." "Now that's fucked up." "Mary Elizabeth..." "I'm so sorry." "It was a mistake." "I'm sorry." "Sam!" "Sam!" "I really didn't mean anything by it." "I'm sorry." "What the hell is wrong with you?" "I should go back and apologize." "No, Charlie, Trust me." "You don't want to go back there." "But, I'm really sorry." "I didn't mean to do anything..." "I know you didn't but look." "I hate to be the one to break this but there's history with Mary Elizabeth and Sam." "Other guys." "Things that have nothing to do with you." "But it's best if you stay away for awhile." "Oh, Okay." "How long do you think?" "Dear friend, I have not seen my friends for 2 weeks now." "I am starting to get bad again." "Charlie." "Come on, get dressed." "We're going to be late for Easter Mass." "I'll..." "I'll be there in a minute." "Our Father who art in Heaven." "Hallowed be Thy name." "Thy kingdom come." "Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." "Give us this day our daily bread." "And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." "And lead us not into temptation." "But deliver us..." "Mary Elizabeth..." "I've been listening to the Billie Holiday CD like every night..." "It's too late, Charlie." "Look, I know." "I just feel really bad about what I did." "I just get so messed up inside like I'm not there or something." "Tell it to someone who cares." "I know." "I'm sorry." "I just..." "We've all become such good friends..." "Good friends?" "Do you mean the people that I've known since kindergarten and you've known for 6 months?" "Those good friends?" "Yeah." "I mean I just don't want to do anything to ruin our relat..." "It's ruined." "Okay?" "So, stop calling everyone." "Stop embarrassing yourself." "Okay." "I will." "Goodb..." "Something's wrong with me." "Don't worry about it." "Hey, you heard from Patrick?" "No." "He told me to stay away." "Oh." "You don't know?" "Why?" "Why?" "What happened?" "Brad's father caught them together." " Some kids jumped him outside the O." " It was some kids from North Hills." "Did you see his face?" " What happened?" " It's not what I heard." " Are you okay?" " Not now, Charlie." "I'm sorry." "Hey, nothing." "Sorry, Nothing." " You gonna do anything?" " What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about your pet ape just tripped me." "Are you gonna say something?" " Why would I?" " You know why." "This is pathetic, man." "Your fixation on me." "Do you want your friends to know how you got those bruises?" "Really?" " I got jumped in a parking lot." " Where?" "Schenley Park?" "Do you guys know about Schenley Park?" "I don't know what kind of sick shit you're trying to pull." "But you better walk away now Nothing." "Fine." "Say hi to your dad for me." "Whatever, faggot." " What did you just call me?" " I called you a faggo..." "Say that shit again!" "Say that shit again!" "It's Patrick!" "No!" "No!" "Stop!" "Please, they don't stop!" "Touch my friends again and I'll blind you." " Charlie?" " Yeah?" "Thanks for stopping them." "Sure, Brad." "How you doing, Charlie?" "I don't know." "I keep trying, but I can't really remember what I did." "Do you want me to tell you?" "Yeah." "You saved my brother." "That's what you did." " So, you're not gonna scare of me?" " No." "Can we be friends again?" "Of course." "Come on." "Let's go be psychos together." "I'm dating Peter now." "He's in college with Craig." "He's opinionated, and we have intellectual debates." "You were very sweet, but our relationship was too one-sided." "I know this is hard for you." "I'm just glad you're happy." "Okay." "Hey, Craig, Sam will be down soon." "We're gonna miss the movie." "Yeah, I'll go put some pep in her step." "Hey, do you wanna get out of here?" "Sure, Patrick" "I'll tell you something, Charlie." "I feel good." "You know what I mean?" "And maybe tomorrow I'll take you to this karaoke place downtown." "And this club off the strip." "They don't card." "And the Schenley Park scene." "You have to see the "fruit loop" at least one time." "Oh, my God." "My life is officially an after school special." "Son of a bitch!" "It really is." "It so is." "So, you ever hear the one about Lily Miller?" " I don't know." " Really?" "I thought your brother would have told you." "It's a classic." " Maybe." " Okay." "Lily comes here one night with this guy Parker." "And this was to be the night that they were gonna lose their virginity." "So, she did it really proper." "She packed a picnic." "Stole a bottle of wine." "Everything was perfect, and they're just about to 'do it' when they realize they forgot the condoms." " So, what do you think happened?" " I don't know." "They did it with one of the sandwich bags." "Ew!" " Oh, that's disgusting!" " Yes!" "It is!" "Come on." "Let's keep the train rolling." "Suburban legend." "Charlie!" "Well..." "There was this girl named Second Base Stace." "And... well, She had boobs in the like 4th grade..." "Mosquito bites." "Promising." "Go." "And she let some of the guys feel them." "That's your suburban legend?" " Did you at least cop a feel?" " Yeah." " No." " No, of course not." "You went home, listened to "Asleep", wrote a poem..." "Fine!" "Okay." "Your turn." "Yeah, I've got one." "Well..." "There was this one guy." "Queer as a 3 dollar bill." "The guy's father doesn't know about his son." "So, he comes into the basement one night when he's supposed to be out of town." "Catches his son with another boy." "So, he starts beating him." "But not like the slap kind." "Like the real kind." "And the boyfriend says, "Stop." "You're killing him."" "But the son just yells "Get out."" "And eventually the boyfriend just did." "Why can't you save anybody?" "I don't know." "Forget it." "I'm free now, right?" "I could meet the love of my life any second." "Things will be different now, and that's good." "I just need to meet a good guy..." "Yeah." "I'm sorry." "It's alright." "It's alright." "I've been spending a lot of time with Patrick." "He begins every night really excited." "He always says he feels free, and tonight is his destiny." "But after awhile, he runs out of things to keep himself numb." "Then, Sam got her letter from Penn State." ""We will require you to take our summer session at the main campus immediately following your high school graduation."" "She got in, Charlie." "After that all Patrick could talk about was college and all their futures." "Alice did get into NYU Film School." "Patrick is going to the University of Washington because he wants to be near the music in Seattle." "But he wasn't going to leave without organizing the best senior prank ever." "Sam is going to leave right after graduation." "It all feels very exciting." "I just wish it were happening to me." "Especially because ever since I blacked out in the cafeteria it's been getting worse." "And I can't turn it off this time." "Guys, you want to pass your copies of Gatsby up to the front please?" "And I know it's the last day but if we could just keep it to a dull roar I'd appreciate it." "Thank you." "Guys, guys, Thank you for such a great year." "I had a blast." "I hope you did, too." "And I hope you have a great time this summer on your vacations." "Now, who here is gonna read for pleasure this summer?" "Charlie, Very good." "Last day." "Yeah." "So, I know it's none of my business, but have you decided?" "I mean, are you going to New York?" "Well, my wife and I like it here." "And I think I might be better at teaching than writing." "You know, Charlie." "I was thinking that Maybe I could still give you books next year." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I think you could write one of them one day." "Really?" "I do." "You're the best teacher I've ever had." "Thank you." "10, 9, 8, 7, 6 5, 4, 3, 2..." " Let's get the hell out of here!" " One!" "Dear Friend..." "I wanted to tell you about us running." "There was this beautiful sunset." "And just a few hours before, everyone I love had their last day of high school ever." "And I was happy because they were happy even though I counted, and I have 1,095 days to go." "I kept imagining what school would be like without them as they they were all getting ready for their prom." "My sister finally decided to break up with Derek and go stag with her girlfriends instead." "And then there was Sam." "I've looked at her pictures since that night." "I like to see how happy she was before she knew." "They were in a hotel suite after prom when the truth came out..." "Basically, Craig has been cheating on Sam the whole time." "When I heard that, I kept thinking about the happy girl in these pictures." "Because she doesn't have 1,095 days to go." "She made it." "This is her time." "And no one should be able to take that away." " Congratulations." " Oh, Charlie!" "Charlie's here!" "Guys, group photo!" "We should all take a group photo." "Oh, get against the railing and try to look suave!" "Yeah, this is the one." "That's gonna be a great angle." "At her going away party I wanted her to know about that night we went through the tunnel." "And how for the first time, I felt like I belonged somewhere." "And tomorrow, she's leaving." "So, I wanted to give her a part of me." "Are these all your books, Charlie?" " Thanks for staying up with me." " Sure." "My brother said Penn State has this restaurant called Ye Olde College Diner." "You have to get a grilled stickie on your first night." "It's a tradition." " That sounds like fun." " Yeah." "Pretty soon, you'll have a whole new group of friends, you know." "You won't even think about this place anymore." "Yes, I will." "I had lunch with Craig today." "Yeah?" "He said he was sorry and that I was right to break up with him." "I'm driving away, and I'm just feeling so small." "Just asking myself why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?" "We accept the love we think we deserve." "Then, why didn't you ever ask me out?" "I, uh..." "I just didn't think that you wanted that." "Well, what did you want?" "I just want you to be happy." "Don't you get it, Charlie?" "I can't feel that." "It's really sweet and everything, but you can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love." "I don't wanna be somebody's crush." "I want people to like the real me." "I know who you are, Sam." "I know I'm quiet and I know I should speak more but if you knew the things that that were in my head most of the time, you'd know what it really meant." "How much we are alike." "And how we've been through the same things." "And you're not small." "You're beautiful." " What's wrong, Charlie?" " Oh, nothing." "Promise you're gonna call." "You know I'm gonna call you all the time." " We'll all see each other in New York." " All the time." "Come on, Sam." "What's wrong, Charlie?" " Put your seat belt on." " We'll meet you there." "Don't wake your sister." "It'll be our little secret, okay?" "Look, Charlie." "She's fast asleep." "Don't wake your sister." "My fault." "My fault." "My fault." "It was all my fault." "It'll be our little secret, okay?" "Stop it." "Stop." "Stop crying." "Stop crying." "It'll be our little secret." "Candace, your brother's on the phone." "Hello." " Hey, Candace." " Charlie?" "Sam and Patrick left, and I just can't stop thinking about something." "What?" "Candace I killed Aunt Helen, didn't I?" "She died getting my birthday present, so I guess I killed her, right?" "I've tried to stop thinking that, but I can't." "She keeps driving away..." " ...and dying over and over." " Call the police and send them to my house." " And I can't stop her." "I'm crazy again." " No, Charlie, listen to me." "Mom and dad are going to be home with Chris any second." "I was just thinking..." "what if I wanted her to die, Candace?" "What?" "Charlie?" "Charlie!" "Charlie?" "I'm Dr. Burton." "Where am I?" "Mayview hospital." "You have to let me go." "My dad can't afford it." " Don't worry about that." " No." "I saw them when I was little." "And I don't want to be a Mayview kid." "Just tell me how to stop it." "Stop what?" "Seeing it." "All their lives." "All the time." "Just... how do you stop seeing it?" "Seeing what, Charlie?" "There is so much pain." "And I don't know how to not notice it." "What's hurting you?" "No!" "Not me." "It's them." "It's everyone." "It never stops." "Do you understand?" "What about your Aunt Helen?" "What about her?" "You see her?" "Yes." "She had a terrible life." "But..." "I mean, what am I..." "You said some things about her in your sleep." "I..." "I don't care." "If you want to get better you have to." "She..." "She was insane." "She..." "Charlie, are you gonna let me help you here?" "Okay." "Do you remember anything before you blacked out?" "I remember leaving Sam's house and walking home and..." "I was in the hospital for awhile." "I won't go into detail about all of it." "But I will say there were some very bad days." "And some unexpected beautiful days." "The worst day was the time my doctor told my mom and dad what Aunt Helen did to me." "Honey?" "I'm so sorry." "The best days were those when I could have visitors." "My brother and sister always came for those until Chris had to go to training camp." "He's going to be first string this year." "And my sister told me she met a nice guy at her summer job." "There he is." "So, I'll see you Thursday at 6, right?" "My doctor said we can't choose where we can come from but we can choose where we go from there." "I know it's not all the answers but it was enough to start putting these pieces together." "God bless food we are about to receive." "We thank You for this bounty in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." " Amen." " Amen." "So, how do you think the Penguins are gonna do this year, dad?" "God damn Penguins." "I think they're allergic to God damn defense." "What do the players call a puck again?" "A biscuit." "Are you sure it's not a "God damn biscuit?"" "You're cruisin' for a bruisin'." "Honey, I think we're gonna have to do a little shopping for you before you take off, huh?" "I need some books..." "Can Charlie come out and play?" "That first night, we had grilled stickies." "It was so good." "You have to visit in the Fall." "We'll have some." "Okay?" "Definitely." "Oh, sorry." "Charlie has a breakdown scheduled for October." "Well, can I tell you something?" "I've been away for two months." "It's another world." "And it gets better." "And my roommate Katie has the best taste in music." "I found the tunnel song." "Let's drive." "I don't know if I will have the time to write any more letters because I might be too busy trying to participate." "So, if this does end up being the last letter I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school." "And you helped me." "Even if you didn't know what I was talking about." "Or know someone who's gone through it." "It made me not feel alone." "Because I know there are people who say all of these things don't happen." "And there are people who forget what it's like to be 16 when they turn 17." "I know these will all be stories someday." "And our pictures will become old photographs." "And we'll all become somebody's mom or dad." "But right now, these moments are not stories." "This is happening." "I am here." "And I am looking at her." "And she is so beautiful." "I can see it." "This one moment when you know you're not a sad story." "You are alive." "And you stand up and see the lights on buildings and everything that makes you wonder." "And you are listening to that song on that drive with the people you love most in this world." "And in this moment, I swear we are infinite."