"[quirky music]" " ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪" "♪ gonna have myself a time ♪" " ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪" "♪ humble folks without temptation ♪" " ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪" "♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪" " ♪ ample parking day or night ♪" "♪ people spouting howdy neighbor ♪" " ♪ heading' on up to south park ♪" "♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪" " ♪ [muffled] ♪" " ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ [upbeat music]" "♪ ♪" " Boner balls." "Boner balls." "Boner--boner forest." "Dense boner forest." " Pungent crotch sweat." "Pungent-- milk--milky crotch ooze." " Barking vaginal belch." " Protruding vaginal boner." " [muffled] - oh, i like that." " Rotten booby turds!" " Nah." " Bloody butt cough." " Uh-huh." "Angry clit spasm." "[typing clacks] [beep] - nope, sorry." " Whooping fart balls." "[typing clacks] [beep] - n-nope." " Lubricated titty burgers." "[beep] - that's taken too." " Indifferent rectal semen splooge." "[beep] - sorry." " Indifferent rectal semen splooge is taken?" "Come on!" " How are we supposed to name" "Our startup company if every name is already taken?" " I told you, you just have to be" "Really original with your company name," "There's a lot of startup companies these days." " Furry balls plopped menacingly on the table, incorporated." "[beep] - that's available!" "Congratulations." " It..." "Doesn't quite roll of the tongue." " Dude, we're not gonna get any attention with that name." " Man this sucks!" " Uh, stan, aren't you supposed to be in school?" " No, dad, we don't need school anymore," "We're forming a startup company." " A startup company?" "A company that does what?" " No, we don't want to do anything." " Yeah, that's why we want to have a startup company." " Yeah, we're sick of school, but all the good," "Attention-getting startup company names are taken!" " Well, boys, there's more to starting a company" "Than having a catchy name." " No, there isn't." " You guys!" "You guys, it's awesome!" "Holy shit, you guys!" "You guys, i've got it!" " What?" " It's the greatest startup company name ever." " What?" "Tell us!" " Washington redskins." " Washington redskins?" " It's so sweet." " I'm pretty sure that's taken, cartman." " It's not, dude." "Some dumb court thingie happened" "And the trademark got pulled!" "We can use it, and the logo!" " Washington redskins." "I like it." " [muffled] me too!" " What?" " Dude, there's already brand name awareness," "And it's instantly recognizable." " Wait, guys, this-- this doesn't seem legal." " Kyle, you're not hearing me." "The trademark has been pulled." "We can do whatever we want." " You all right, dude?" " Yeah, i just" "Well, i just thought our company name would be" "More, like, original." " It's a strong name, dude." "It's, like, aggressive and masculine," "Like boner forest, but boner forest was taken." " Yeah, but maybe we need a name that's more affirming." "Like, shows what we stand for." " We don't stand for anything." "Remember our company plan, guys." "Start up, cash in, sell out, bro down." " I'm just not sure this is the name" "People are gonna give money to." " We already got a dollar!" " What?" " $1 pledged!" " Whoo-hoo!" " I told you, guys!" ""washington redskins" totally gets peoples' attention!" " Another $2!" " No way!" " Sitting on our asses, here we come!" " Another new startup company" "Is gaining a lot of attention on the internet." "They're a company that does absolutely nothing" "And they're called the "washington redskins"" "The redskins started as what appeared to be" "Some kind of adolescent prank," "But almost overnight, it has become" "One of the most heavily funded projects on kickstarter." "Why did you give $5" "To the washington redskins kickstarter?" " I don't know, i just" "They don't do anything, that's pretty sweet." "I don't know." "I thought it was funny." " By pledging just $1 or $2, you are helping us" "In our fervent quest to not have to do stuff." "If you pledge $10 or more, you will receive" "This luxurious company micro badge." " It's called crowd funding," "Using the internet to raise money" "Without having to pay back your investors," "A tactic that some believe is unfair and impersonal." "[phone ringing]" " Washington redskins, go fuck yourself." "Sure, we'd be happy to take your money." "Yup, just go to our kickstarter page." "Okay, nice, idiot." "Uh-huh, fuck you, bye-bye." " You are eric cartman?" " Yes, i know." " My name is dan snyder." "I'm the president and owner of the washington redskins." " Oh, cool." "Please, take a seat." " Thank you, but i will stand." " Nice, i like that." " Young man, we ask that you please stop using the name" ""washington redskins" for your organization." " Stop?" "But why?" " Because we are the washington redskins" "And we are a football team." "You have no right to use our name to get attention." " Uh, the trademark got pulled," "So i'm totally free to use the name, actually." "[phone ringing]" "Uh, butters, could you get that?" " Washington redskins, go fuck yourself." " Look, don't you see that when you call your organization" ""the washington redskins," it's offensive to us?" " How is it offensive?" " How is it offensive?" "Jesus, what" " We are a proud team, mr." "Cartman." "We have no wish to be associated" "With people who actively do nothing." " Makes us feel like a joke!" " Guys, guys." "We have total respect for you." "When we named our company "washington redskins,"" "It was out of deep appreciation for your team and your people." " Uh, i know i can't legally make you stop using our name," "But--but won't you just do it out of decency?" " M-m-m-m-no." "Because i don't want to," "A-a-and we can't just change the name of our company 'cause it's, like, super hard." "But, hey, from one redskin to another, go fuck yourself." "[sad music]" "♪ ♪" " All around the world, people are saying" "They are inspired by the washington redskins." "The internet startup company has raised so much money" "On kickstarter, that now, more groups are doing the same." " More news on the washington redskins tonight," "Their defiant "f-you" attitude" "Has now caught the attention of the terrorist group isis." "The terrorists said they admire the washington redskins" "And want to try and follow their business model." " Well, let's not forget, marsha," "That there's a people here, okay," "Who are not happy about the use of the name," "The football washington redskins." " Well, yeah but does anyone really care about them?" "♪ ♪" " Dude, this is so cool!" "We only have six days to go before all the money" "Pledged to our company becomes liquid." " Guys, we need to talk to you." "I really don't think we want to be a company" "That isis looks up to." "We should maybe" "Issue a statement saying that we don't sanction them." " Oh, no." "No, you guys." "We started this company to do nothing." "If we start doing stuff now, it'll put it all at risk." " People aren't going to support our company" "If we dig in our heels and say we don't care about anything." " Digging in our heels and pissing on public opinion" "Is what the washington redskins are all about!" "Now, come on, guys!" "If you want to be a successful business," "Then you have to be honest about what you are." "Once you take a stand on something, you're pretending" "Like your company is about more than money." "Then all of a sudden, you're the nfl" "And your players get caught molesting little boys!" " That's the catholic church!" " Nfl, catholic church, same thing!" "Okay, let's use the catholic church." "You take a moral stand on issues," "You say you're about honor and integrity," "And the next thing you know, your clergymen are" "Getting caught beating up their wives in an elevator." " That's the nfl." " It's the same thing, kyle!" "The point is, if we as an organization" "Claim to be about high morality, somebody is eventually" "Going to get raped or beaten in an elevator" "And it's most likely going to be butters." " [gasps] oh, no!" " All right, i really didn't want to have to do this, but" "I'm not happy with the direction this company is taking." " Well, what are you gonna do, go back to school?" "I'm not going back there, man." " Maybe i'll start my own company." " Well, that's fine." "You can't call yourself "washington redskins"!" " I don't want to!" "It's a stupid name!" "[eerie music]" "♪ ♪" " Well, i guess everything's out on the table now, huh, kyle?" " Yeah, i guess-- i guess everything is." " Stan, do you think our name is stupid too?" " I don't know, i" "But i don't know if my future is with this company either." " Well, then, i wish you both well in your new venture." "Good-bye." "♪ ♪" " Hang on, is this the company where i don't raped?" "Yeah, here, right?" "Okay, i'm staying here." " Is the league just going to sit by" "While my team and my players are compared to isis?" "You have to do something, commissioner goodell!" "What are you going to do about this?" " I will get it right," "And do whatever is necessary to accomplish that." " What?" " We will continue to identify" "And add expertise to our team." " That's the most ridiculous, nothing answer" "I've ever heard." "What are you gonna do now?" " Everyone will participate in education sessions" "Starting in the next month." " Ugh!" "This thing is broken!" " We can add, and we will do more" "Do more--do more" " Get all the nfl owners on skype!" "This thing is broken again!" "And so i call upon the help of all owners," "You cannot let my people be belittled like this." " Dan, you don't want to be dealing with this stuff," "Let the goodell-bot do it." " The stupid thing isn't working!" " I will get it right." " Man, that thing hasn't worked right since we bought it." " Look, my team is starting to lose hope." "You have to use your influence" "To make these people change their name." " Did you tell them we're about honor and integrity?" " If the goodell-bot is broken, we must stay out of it" "More than even usual." " And so i'm alone?" "What if they ridicule the 49ers team next?" "Or make fun of jerry jones" "Because his eyes are too far apart?" " My eyes aren't too far apart." " If we get them to change their logo," "Will it make you happy?" " I guess we can live with that." " Then it is decided." "We will make them change their logo." "Begin mass-behind-the-scenes under-the-table enforcement" "Of our wishes, now." " All:" "Go!" " Thank god." "[cheers and applause]" "Fuck you, fuck you." "[cheers and applause]" "Fuck you out there." "Fuck you." ""fuck you."" "Those words mean a great deal to us." "They help us express just how we as a company" "See things differently." "There are a lot of startup companies on kickstarter," "But after today, i think you'll agree" "That washington redskins is the most exciting." "As you know, the redskins have been" "On the forefront of kickstarter as a company" "That is always finding new and exciting ways" "To tell people to go fuck themselves." "And now, our company is thrilled to show you" "All the latest innovations we've come up with." "To begin with, we have moved the couch" "From the left side of the office to the right side." "But we didn't stop there." "We also added a new rug" "That goes better with our office drapes." "And probably most exciting of all," "We have actually updated the company from the inside out." "We received a lot of pressure from certain communities" "To change our redskins logo." "As a company we want to be firm, but we also want to be flexible," "And so we thought if we have to change our logo," "It should be more in step with today's times" "But still define us as the leading kickstarter company." "What we came up with is the new company logo" "That i think you'll all agree is very exciting." "[cheers and applause]" " Now when people hear the name "redskins,"" "They will immediately think "titties" and "balls."" "It's just a bold new way that we can say" ""we don't fucking care." go redskins!" "[cheers and applause]" " It's so awesome, dude." "Our company already has a hundred backers," "And we still have 14 days to go!" " Yeah." " You okay, bro?" " I just..." "Never saw myself owning a company called" ""furry balls plopped menacingly on the table."" " Give it time, it'll grow on you." " Why don't we just call it "untitled startup company."" " Because that sounds like we don't have anything." "We've been through this already, stan." " Yeah, i know that," "But a good company should never have seven words in its title." " What do you mean?" " I just feel that somewhere out there," "There's a perfect startup company name," "And i need to be free to go find it." " Oh." "Well, i certainly don't want you to feel" "That furry balls plopped menacingly on the table" "Is holding you back." " Good luck with your company, dude." " Yeah." "Good luck with yours." "[people murmuring]" " It's just incredible, harry." "Everyone is using kickstarter for everything!" " And for every project funded, we get 5%." " It's like, we don't even have to do anything" "And we just make money." " Sitting on our asses, here we come." "[tribal drum music]" "♪ ♪" " Caw-caw." "Caw-caw" "♪ ♪" "Hoo-hoo." "Hoo-hoo-hoo." "♪ ♪" " Huh?" "[bones breaking]" "[native american chanting]" "♪ ♪" " [screams] [chanting continues]" " Go-o-ood morning, guys!" " Happy deadline day!" " We made it, guys." "We can finally stop doing stuff," "And see just how much our company made" "In four, three, two, one..." "That's the deadline!" " Oh, boy, this is like christmas morning!" "[beep]" " What the hell?" ""can't find the server"?" "[beep]" "Kickstarter, where is kickstarter?" "Get it up on your phone, butters." "Come on, i want to know how much our company is worth!" " It's not coming up on my phone either, i" "Holy mother mary!" " [muffled] what?" " Somebody raided kickstarter" "And they burned the building to the ground!" " What?" " Somebody killed kickstarter!" " Who the hell would burn kickstarter to the ground?" "[gasps] oh, my god!" "That weird, little, jewy guy!" "Kyle!" "[dramatic music]" " What the hell is wrong?" ""can't find the server"?" "Kickstarter." " You son of a bitch!" " What?" " You broke kickstarter!" " No, i just can't get it load." " Nobody can, it's gone!" "You just couldn't take it that our company" "Was more successful than yours would ever be!" " My company was on kickstarter too!" "Why would i get rid of it?" " Well, somebody did!" " It doesn't matter, you guys." "There's something a lot more important here." "Do you guys remember when we first decided" "To start a company together?" "We all had a common goal," "And we weren't gonna let anything stop us" "From getting to the bro down." "But somewhere between starting up and selling out," "We--we lost our way." "We can't do this on our own." "We need each other." " He's right." "We should do a merger." " A merger?" "It's too late for that, you guys, kickstarter is gone!" "We don't have a company!" "We don't have anything!" " Yes, we do." "We have a sweet name." " I was wrong, cartman." ""washington redskins" is the perfect name." "I think maybe i was just jealous that i didn't come up with it." " [sighs]" "It is really sweet." " And we always said that all we needed was a sweet name" "And the rest would figure itself out." " Yeah, we can do it, fellas!" "It'll be like old times!" " What do you say, cartman?" "[cheers and applause]" " Fuck you!" "Fuck you, everyone!" "Yes, fuck you all, thanks!" "How do you stay relevant in a volatile marketplace?" "As you know, our goal at washington redskins" "Is to not to anything, and make money not doing it." " When kickstarter went down," "Many saw their startup projects die," "But here at washington redskins, we saw opportunity." "People still need a way to raise money" "For their stupid startup projects," "And with the redskins, you can now go fund yourself." "And the idea is simple." "You, the people, go out and raise all your own money," "And give the washington redskins 5%." " You will literally be giving us money" "For doing absolutely nothing." "It is the biggest fuck you we have ever come up with." "But we didn't stop there," "Because a new company direction also means of course," "A new and improved logo." "[cheers and applause]" "Both:" "Go redskins!" " A beautiful night in arlington, texas," "As the dallas cowboys get set to take on the washington redskins." "That is, of course, washington redskins" "The football team, not washington redskins" "The audacious crowd funding company." " Yeah, and if you ask me, the redskins are a scam." " You're talking about the crowd funding company" "Redskins." " That's right," "And now you've got terrorist groups like isis" "Using the redskins to raise their money." "I don't like what the redskins are doing." " Those redskins." " Yeah, whatever." "[somber native american music]" " It's over." "Our name has been reduced to a stereotype and a joke." " Yeah, let's just go home." " No." "No, we cannot give up!" "We have been through too much together!" "We have fought eagle and bear!" "The eagles only beat us by three points!" " Yeah, but i just feel stupid wearing this now." " Yeah." " Come on, guys." " Where will we go?" "What will we do?" " Don't let them break you!" "Don't let them win!" "[native american drumming]" "♪ ♪" " And the cowboys are still set to kick off," "But there doesn't seem to be anyone to kick off to." " Yeah, and jerry jones must be happy." "This means a forfeit, another win for the cowboys." " Wait a minute, it appears a lone redskin" "Is making his way out of the locker room." "♪ ♪ [mellow native american music]" "♪ ♪" " [blows whistle]" " The cowboys kick it off." "♪ ♪" " [grunting] [cheers and applause]" "♪ ♪" "Hut!" "Hut hut hut!" "[all grunting]" "♪ ♪" "Hut hut hut." "Hut hut hut hut!" "[all grunting] [whimpering and coughing]" "Hut." "Hut hut hut." "Hut hut!" "[all grunting]" "All:" "Oh!" " Just stay down, for the love of god!" " [feebly] hut hut." "Hut!" "[all grunting]" " Stop!" "Make it stop!" " Just stay down!" " Please, just make him stay down!" " Go redskins!" " Go redskins!" " Boy, this is the life, huh, guys?" " We finally did it!" " I might just sit here until my ass fuses into the couch." " What the hell is that?" "[crowd booing]" " Whoa, whoa!" "What?" " Change your name!" " It doesn't belong in today's society!" " Change our name?" " But you all thought our name was sweet." " There's nothing sweet about a people who were decimated," "A once proud nation that finally lost hope" "And left their leader to be massacred by cowboys" "In a defiant last stand." " When was this?" " Last night." " Until you change your name, we are asking" "All your subscribers to boycott you!" " That's right." "Isis will no longer use your insensitive company" "For its fund-raising." " Yeah!" " All right!" " Good for you, isis!" " What the hell do we do?" " [sighs]" "I guess we gotta go back to school." "[crowd yelling]" "[cheers and applause]" " Now when people hear the name "redskins,"" "They will immediately think "titties" and "balls."" "It's just a bold new way that we can say" ""we don't fucking care." go redskins!" "[cheers and applause]"