"OK, how do you like this shipped?" "Standard ground takes 7 to 10 business days... or if you need it tomorrow, we can overnight it for an extra 20 bucks." "Well, I don't need it tomorrow." "Well I'm a Supervisor here I can knock it down to 15 for you." "Well thanks." "I'm tempted." "I'm so impatient." "Hey for me, it's instant gratification." "Alright... what the hell, ship it overnight." "No problem." "If you have any other questions call anytime." "My name is Todd Anderson." " Thanks Todd." " Your very welcome" "I need you in my office." "Is this gonna take a while?" "I just ordered from Thai Garden and I'm pretty fast." "So you like spicy food?" "That's interesting." "Close the door please." "Why is that interesting?" "Todd, we decided to restructure order performance." " Restructure how?" " Offshore the whole department" " Good one." " I'm not kidding." "Check out this spreadsheet, any American job that's done on the phone or online is going overseas." "The savings are incredible." "Is this some kind of weird physiological test, you're pulling on me?" "Like a ritual hazing for the annual review." "It's not quite time for your review Todd." "You been working coming up on 4.5 years, not 5." "You can't outsource Order Fulfillment." "Our catalog is patriotic knick-knacks..." "If a factory worker from Wisconsin calls the 800 number to buy this... and get's a person from another country, he's gonna flip out." "That's where the accent training comes in." "You expect me to walk in there and tell everyone" "I'm sorry your job has been outsourced?" "I'll do it." " So I'm fired too?" " No, no, not at all." "But I manage fulfillment, now you don't need me here." "You're right, we don't need you here." "We need you in India..." "someone's gotta train the new guy." "And after that?" "We'll find something for you, company's growing." " 'We'll find something for you'?" " 'Course you're free to quit." "But you haven't vested your stock options yet." "Quit now and you'll give it up, plus your pension... and medical and you'll be out there, in a bad job market with no unemployment benefits." "As these guys, in about 20 minutes." "No, no way, I'm not going to India to train my own replacements." "All you need to do, is visit the call center, improve the minutes per incidents... and make sure the new guy's up to speed." " What's this new guy get paid?" " Half a mill..." "Rupees." "That's 11.000 dollars a year, to do your job." "Same as 8... as for the price of one." "What're you gonna do?" " Come on, let's get MPI go down to 6." " No, I'm not going." "It's just a short trip, you like spicy food?" "Dave, I'm not going to India." "I gotta get to a train station?" "Hi, can you get me to the train station?" "Oh crap... no, Sir, Sir!" "I wanted a taxi, a taxi." "No problem." "Alright, sorry, thanks'..." "let me grab my bag, thanks." "Woo, wo, wo... no, no, no, stop, stop, stop." "No, no, no, go, go, go..." "Hi..." " You like it in India?" " Well, it's interesting." "It is the best country, ...no problem." "Hey... no problem, you've got to jump... jump." "What?" " You jump... you must jump the train..." " There's no room." "You must jump... jump." "Jump... good." "I'll..." "I'll take one of those." "No change, no change..." "impossible, no change." "Oh, that's okay, I'm dying of thirst." "Keep the change." " You're sure?" " Yea, it's fine." " You like?" " Mm..." "Are you Mr. Doad?" "Mm, yes... no, I'm Todd, Todd Anderson." "Western Novelty." "I sent a car, but you were not there." "I didn't see it, I had to take one of those taxi go-kart thingy." "So sorry for the inconvenience." "I'm sorry, please to meet you, Mr. Doad." "I'm Purohit Narsimacharaya Virajnarianan, but you can call me Puro." "Puro?" "Puro, I'll take you to your hotel, please come." "Sir..." "Sir, please come back, I'm here." "I'm waiting for you, good day, good night, good morning... please come." "You like India?" "Bombay is a little crazy, but Gharapuri looks different... a little cleaner." "Bombay is terrible... terrible, Gharapuri is very clean." " You have a business card, Mr. Doad?" " It's Todd, please call me Todd." "Executive Vice-president of Marketing and Order fulfillment." "Very impressive." "Not as impressive as it sound." "What I really do, is sell kitsch to rednecks." "Now I train some other schmuck to do it." " May I ask a question?" " Yea, go ahead." "Would you kindly be telling me, what is kitsch, and what is redneck, and what is schmuck?" "Kitsch is garbage that people buy." " And Redneck basically means farmer." " Farmer?" "And a schmuck?" "That means like a nice guy..." "you're the person I'm gonna train?" "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that." "I'm so fortunate to be learning the way of American business from you, Mr. Doad." "Todd please... call me Todd." " Your first trip to India?" " Yes" "Some foreigners who come here, do not experience it well." "But I can tell, you are of a different breed." "A very good traveler." "Strong, and ready for anything, and everything." "That's very kind of you, why do you say that?" "Most foreigners cannot eat cola without becoming very ill." "How far is the hotel?" "Your reservation is for the Gharapuri Palace" "Hotel, but that place is very lonely." "I'll take you to Aunt Ji's guesthouse, she will take care of you better, then your own real mother." "No, actually, I just like to go to my hotel, I'm tired, and I..." "Please, I insist, we go to Aunt Ji." "She has a very good garden, most excellent Indian cook... very hygienic." "You won't be lonely there, I'm telling you." "OK, fine..." "I'll check it out, just make it quick." "Yes, schmuck." "There, please come, please come." "Welcome, welcome, welcome." "You must be tired from your trip from Bombay." "No, no, no, we're just here to look." "Look, look..." "I have some tea freshly made, especially for you only." " And what is your good name?" " My good name?" "This is Mr. Doad to you, fresh from America." "Oh..." "Mr. Doad, how sweet." "Please come in, please... come in..." "come in." "Thank you." "So..." "Mr. Doad." "What does your father do?" "What is it you're selling?" "Are you married?" "No, I'm not married." "Ah... you have a girlfriend, hmm?" "No, I did, but we broke up a couple of month ago." "Why break up?" "You should be married." "Well a... she wanted to start a family and I wasn't quite ready yet." "Not yet?" "My god." "You're old enough to be a grandfather." "What're you waiting for, ha?" "Just eat." "Very nice." "Fresh." "That's good." "What?" "Sir, you should not place the hand that has been in your mouth, back in the food." "And a... you should not eat with your left hand." "In India, we eat with the right hand." " Left hand is considered to be..." " Dirt..." " Unclean." " Unclean, unclean yes." "Why?" "Why..." "OK..." "That's great." "OK." "That's good, thank you... thank you." "We work from 6 in the evening to 6 in the morning." "Daytime in America." "That's unscrupulous, aren't you tired?" "No, no, no, we are accustom to the problem by now." "Is it true that... when I'm manager..." "I'm going to earn 500.000 rupee a year?" "That's what they told you." "Because of my future salary, I'm now engaged to Bageshy Sasubude." "Bagy who?" "Watch the..." "She's cute." "She's more beautiful than Ashwe Naray." "I've loved her all my life." "I could never think of marrying her until," "Western Novelty hired me for 500.000 rupees." "Are you kidding me, this is it?" "There's no office, to rent in Gharapuri, so we had to build one." "This is outsourcing all the real estate, in Bombay, Madras, Bangalore... even Gharapuri, so we had to build one." "Please come." "This here is the supervisor." "And here we have the agent division." "They work very hard." "It's OK." "And because of America, we have different time zones." "Seattle, New York, Chicago and India." "Puro, what is that?" "Oh, this?" "This is our MPI monitor, Minute Per Incident." "This is going to go up on the wall." "This is the average time our agents solve the calls in." "What?" "Oh, that just a cow, must have wandered in." "One minute." "Don't worry Mr. Doad, we are fully operational." "We have state of the art computers... digital phone lines, optical modems, everything." " Mr. Doad, are you OK?" " I have a cramp." "The cola." "Oh god." " One rupee." " Not a good time." " One rupee." " Tomorrow." " Only one rupee." " I don't have a rupee" " Please." " Is that all you can say?" "Hungry, only 1 rupee." "All right." "Now leave me alone, alright." "No, no, no, don't touch." " Hey..." " Yea..." " What're you doing?" " Downstairs... bathroom... no problem." "Oh... no toilet paper." "Hello everyone..." "I'm Todd Anderson from Western Novelty... and I'm here to help integrate you into our business." "Now, I gotta tell you, this centre numbers are nowhere near what they should be." "And based on the stompers complaints, we've been having, it's a cultural thing." "Basically, you people need to learn about" "Americans, it's all about bringing down the MPI." "Things go faster if the customer feel they're talking to a native English speaker." "But we are native English speakers." "English is the official language of our government." "You got it from the British, and so did we." "We just speak it differently." "We say 'internet', and you say 'innernet'." "Fair enough, that's exactly my point, I'm asking you to say 'innernet'." "Next time you're on a call, try to listen carefully to the customer's pronunciation... the slang, small talk, try to learn from them." "Learn about America." " Sir?" " Yes?" "You are?" " Marmite." " Manmeet." "No, Manite, what I want to know is, what is 'small talk'." "Oh, you know, that's like, 'How you doing today'." "How's the weather in Arizona?" " You can talk about sports." " Like cricket?" "Never mind, forget sports, you wanna sound American." "If anyone ask where you're located, just say 'Chicago', hm." " Try that." " Chicago." "OK, when you make the 'a' sound," "Hold your nose, to flatten the vowel like 'Chicago'." "'Chicago'." "That's great, and if anyone ask how the weather is, say 'windy'." " Yes, you are?" " Asha, sir." "Isn't that a little dishonest?" "I mean I'm not gonna lie." "I'm not in Chicago, I'm in Gharapuri." "If I have to do this job, I was told that I would be selling products to a customer... on the telephone, I did not know we had to be deceptive." "A lot of Americans are upset about outsourcing." "But sir, most of the products they're buying are made in China." "OK, we're almost back, we'll continue this tomorrow, thank you." "It says 'made in China'." "Ouch... don't touch me, don't touch me!" "Go away..." "I'm serious." "Good morning, Mr. Doad." "You had a long night, huh?" "What?" "You look like you have no energy." " You must go to sleep." " No, I will." "First you eat." "You're looking sick." "No, thank you, I can't." "Mr. Doad, you want to meet a nice Indian girl?" "No, no, thank you, I'm just..." "I'm really not interested." "Are you... homosexual?" "Excuse me?" " You like Indian boy, not Indian girl?" " No." "No!" "Oh, god no, thank you, I can't eat a thing." "You must eat, you showing up much to skinny, enjoy it will be hot." "Maybe tomorrow, I just need to get some air." "Tomorrow?" " When is this glass coming?" " It is coming presently, sir." "Is the volume always this low?" "This is low?" "Well yes, you're obviously not riding on all the callers yet." "Why is the MPI so bad?" "At 12 minutes per incidents, we're losing money on every call." "Bad?" "..." "When I started it was 15, I brought it down to 12." "This place is a disaster, if we don't get it down to 6, I'll be stuck in India for the rest of my life." "We'll get the MPI down, no problem." "Don't say no problem, when it is a problem." "If we don't get it down to 6, you'll never get a promotion and you'll never get to marry what's her face." "Who's face sir?" "Your girlfriend, Bagy Swami, whatever her name is." "Everyone, please work harder, faster." "OK?" "Ok, what else?" "Yes, Manmeet." "I do not understand item H403." "H403, ah... yea, a lot of Americans wear this to sporting events." "But why, sir?" "It's hard to explain, they just do..." "I do not understand the purpose of A221." "A221." "That's a burger brand." "Americans eat a lot of beef... and some people like to burn their initials into their food, with a red hot iron before they eat it." " Why?" " That's a cow brand." "You know, the thing you use, to burn a symbol into a cow." "In America, that's how you keep track of your cows, is branding." " With a red hot iron?" " Yeah." "But, a... wouldn't the cow run away?" "Oh, no, we only do it to baby cows, when they're small enough, to..." "hold them down." " Yes, Asha?" " A suggestion, Mr. Todd?" " Go ahead." " You need to learn about India." "Hey, its Todd..." "I'll be out of the country for a few days, so leave a message..." "You have no messages." "Are you still there?" "You have no messages." "I told you, it's my grandson's first day at school..." "I want to get him some supplies, but I'm not sure what kids need these days." " Perhaps some rubbers, ma'am." " What did you say?" "I mean... if you have a pencil, you need some rubbers." "OK... who can tell me, what was wrong with this call?" "It's not a 'rubber'... it's an 'eraser'." " No, sir, this is a rubber." " No, it's an eraser." "'Rubber' means condom." " You mean like a 'flat'?" " They call it an 'apartment'." "No, a condom... birth control." "Does it work?" " This is Dave." " Hi Dave" "I just saw your numbers, you do realize you're not on vacation over there?" "Yeah, I gotta come here for vacation." "Unless you're planning on taking up residence, you better get the ball rolling." "Yeah, that's why I'm calling actually..." "An MPI in the 6's is not realistic." "I didn't say in the 6's Todd, I said get it down to 6." "6,59 is not 6, its 7, you need to get it down to 6.0" "You're kidding me?" "We had a deal." "Seattle agents calls, getting offline on Sunday." "Expect a bump in calls on." "You know what a 6 is in the industry." "Anything below 7." "That's the definition" "Don't you read you contract?" "We said get it down to 6, I'm holding it at 6." "Dave, you're a corporate slime ball." "Watch it Todd, you lose your stock options, and you'll be living in a cardboard box." " Dave..." " I gotta go" "Julie?" "..." "Hey, it's me." "Yeah... how you doing?" "Just wanted to check in and say hi." "Oh nothing... just wanted to hear your voice." "I miss you." "Oh, I know, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" "Yeah, I know..." "I know." "Is somebody there?" "Money..." "Cheeseburger." "How much to take me to Bombay?" "To Bhagat Singh Road, right now?" "Oh no sir, Bombay is too far, it will use too much petrol, it will damage my car, it's impossible." " OK, 6000 rupees." " Don't sweat it, I'm gonna expense it." "OK sir, 5000 rupees and not a rupee less." "Whatever." "OK, my deal is that, sir!" "I'll take you to Bombay for 4000 rupees." "Hello sir... how may I help you?" "I like two cheeseburgers, a large fries..." "Sorry, but we don't have cheeseburgers here, sir." "What?" "..." "I thought this is McDonald's?" "Sorry, sir... this is MacDonnell's." "Get the Maharaja veggie burger." "It's as close as you gonna get." "I came all the way from Gharapuri for a cheeseburger." "You know they have a real McDonald's in" "Gharapuri, you still can't get a cheeseburger." "You know what INDIA stands for, don't you?" "'I'll Never Do It Again'" "Did you hear about the guy who outsource his old job?" "He writes code in San Francisco..." "makes 70 grand a year... so he hires a guy in Bangalore to do his job for 12 grand." "His boss thinks he's telecommunicating." "He's got so much free time, he's thinking about getting another job just like it." "We've got Indian doctors, reading American X-rays." "Lawyers, writing briefs, I'm in customer service." " Me too." " So, how long you're here for?" " I have to get my MPI under a flat 6." " Not in India." "Not unless you hire the accent neutral, that work for me, all you can hope for here is an 8." "I can't go home till I get a 6." "Well, you better find yourself a wife then." "She'll call me 'Doad'." " What?" " My name is Todd, everyone says' Doad" "Listen here, Todd." "Just a word of advice." "I remember feeling, like you do." "I was resisting India." "Once I gave in, I did much better." "I don't understand?" "What's so difficult about this order?" "Pink over the blue, and I wanna stay away from the horizontal stripes." "And may I ask you, are you married, ma'am?" "Married?" "No." "Oh really?" "Look buddy, I assure you, I'm in Chicago." "Yeah, right." "Oh god." "Puro, where have you been?" "Things are going crazy here." "How can you be even... wandering off," "You're suppose to be coaching these people." "Maduri is having a nervous breakdown, and" "Manmeet hits, on every women who calls." "And... where is the glass to this god damn office?" "I'm sorry sir... very sorry." "The glass is coming presently." "What's all this?" "For you sir, you don't look well." "This food helps with your stomach, Aunt Ji made it for you, okay for you to eat, no problem." " Well..." " What sir?" "I'm sorry." "Thank you." " Mr. Doad... stop!" " Puro?" "I'm very sorry, I should have told you this earlier, you should not wear good clothes on this day." "Watch out!" "I'm very sorry, Mr. Doad, you should not have worn good clothes on this day of holy." "Come on now." " Holy what?" " Just Holy." "Celebration of color, changing of season." "I didn't think you dressed already." "Don't worry, I have this, I'll protect you." "Come with me, come... come." "Come, Mr. Doad, come." "Oh... no..." "Mr. Doad... are you OK?" " Give me one of those." " Ok... here." " Oh... that's a good shot." " I used to play baseball in college." "You like cricket, huh..." "a very boring game, huh?" "Give me another." "Happy Holy... come, Mr. Doad." "Happy Holy..." "Any calls?" "Need a pen?" "Pick any one you want." "No, no, not all..." "It's pretty good." " Oh, my god, we must go, we're late." " We can't go like this." "No problem, I'll take care of it on the way." "Come, come, quickly." " Sorry, somebody had to..." " No, thank you." "Sorry we're late..." "Holy." " Sorry... thank you, Asha." " Thank you sir." "Thank you very much." "Thank you for shopping with Western Novelty." "Before everyone takes off, I just..." "I like to call a little meeting." "I wanna apology to all of you, especially Asha." "She was right." "I'd need to learn about India." " Sir, there's no need to..." " No, wait." "Let me finish please." "Our first mistake, is trying to run this, like an American office." "So I wanna ask you..." "How can do we do things differently, what would make your work day a more positive experience." "Yes, Sanjay?" "Sir... may I bring in my family pictures, for my desk?" "Yes, bring pictures of them all, I wanna see the whole family." "What else?" "Krishna?" "Sir, may I bring murti's for my desk?" "Murti's?" "Absolutely, whatever those are, I want... anyone can bring whatever they want to make this space their own, as long as it doesn't get in the way of work." " Maduri?" " Sir..." "Puro said that, we must wear only western clothes to do western business." "Wear, whatever you want." " What is your good name?" " I'm Rani, sir." "Sir, would it be possible, to get a discount on Western Novelty products?" "Is there something unparticular, you were interested in?" "Sir, number D100..." "astrology placemats." "You want those cheesy things?" "I'm sure..." "I could get you a set for free." " Ah... yes?" " What about the ceramic basket?" "You guys want this stuff?" "You like the Western you're selling?" "Yea... yea." "Alright... alright, here is what we'll do." "I'll call the Company, and I'll ask them to ship us a collection of the most popular items in the catalogue." "Whoever improves their MPI the most, on a given day, can get their pick in merchandise." "Alright, great job everyone." "Thank you." "What is that?" "Massala, rock salt, cumin, chili pepper, makes it better." " Nice?" " Oh wow!" "OK." "You know when I was young, Holy was the favorite day of the year." "I used to await it eagerly." "For me, it was Halloween." "You know Halloween?" "The costumes?" "My mom used to make these great homemade costumes..." "It's funny, I should think about my parents." "You miss them?" "Of course." "When I'm home, I don't miss them at all." " Do you see them?" " Not much, hardly ever." " You don't live with your parents?" " No..." "No, they live in Yakima..." "Which is about 2 hours away." "But you see them every week?" "No, a few times a year." "But why?" "They're so close." "I don't know." "Some things I don't understand about American life." "You don't live with your parents..." "Strange." "Another thing... you hate your boss, and you don't like this country, hmm?" "Why not choose something else... hmm?" "I don't know how to explain it." "I my world, it just make sense to work your ass off... and go into credit card debt, so you can have that 50 inch plasma..." "You like the HDSI or the Digiblack?" "Which one?" "They're both good." "Todd sir, that's my family." "That's impressive." "Asha... could you come here please?" "Ok, here's the deal..." "you're the best we have, and I've seen you giving advice to the others." "After I leave, Puro going to need an assistant-manager." "Now." "We have to get the MPI to 6,0." "Can you help us?" "Of course." "You think... she can do it?" "I think Asha can do anything." "Congratulation on your promotion, you only have to step in on calls, when someone is really in trouble." "Puro, you wanna, get her started?" " You know about this?" " Yes, sir." "Western Novelty, Gharapuri." "What the hell is wrong with you, Todd?" "You trying to bankrupt us?" "What are you talking about?" "You've seen the MPI?" "I'm talking about this request to ship hundred of our products to India." "The agents can see the products online, They don't need to fondle them." "Actually they do, it's an incentive." "They need to understand what they're selling." "So promise them this time." "Alright." "The freight got held up by a shipping delay at customs." " You've got to think bottom line." " I am... that's why I wanna introduce our products to a potentially new market of over a billion people." " Are you there?" " I'll overnight it to you." "It's working." "Your intended program is a very good idea, sir." "I'm learning so much from you." "I can't believe you're so excited about these tacky stuff." "Tacky?" "What is tacky?" "Oh... uh... tacky is like..." "Oh... never mind." "Hey..." "I've noticed that everyone signed up for the incentive program except you." "Don't you want anything?" "What would I do with this?" "I'm a vegetarian." "I'm voting for carrots." "You American have more choices than anyone in the world, why would you choose this?" "Actually..." "I got mine in red." "Uphold the town.." "Hello." "You..." "Sorry." "With all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she had to walk into mine." "You know how to whistle don't you?" "Just put your lips together, and blow." "Shut up, just shut up." "You had me in the (?" ")." "My mama always said." "Life is like a box of chocolates." "I have one word for you." "Plastics." "Are you talking to me?" "No, see now, it's not 'are you talking to me?" "' Its 'you talkin' to me?" "'." "This are called reductions." "American use them all the time." "'Got to go' becomes 'gotta go', 'would you' becomes 'woud'y', they jam those words together." "OK, try it again." "Maybe with more voracity, this time." "Your talking to me?" "You talkin' to me?" "Wow... that's very nice." "I believe it." "OK, who else is ready to go?" " Now we have something for you." " What?" "You will do a dance from an India movie You will be Salman Khan." " No." "Wait" " Come on, dance... dance." " Oh... no, no, no..." " Its very simple..." "I can't do that." "Come on, Toad... dance." "Don't let me down." "You ironed my underwear?" "Of course... doesn't your mother?" "Yeah." "I'm not sure, what she's referring to, but that part doesn't actually require batteries." "Mr. Todd, Mr. Puro, we have a problem." "The shipment from Western Novelty has gone to the wrong city." "What?" "..." "Where did it go?" "They didn't write down the pin number, so... now they send the entire shipment to the other Gharapuri." "Oh great." "There's another Gharapuri?" "3 hours drive... maybe 6?" "Depending on traffic." "And they will have to take a ferry from there." "It's an island?" "And there happens to be a 114 MG Road in the other Gharapuri?" "Every town in India has an MG Road." "Its stands for Mahatma Gandhi." "He was the father of our nation." "Right... okay, can you take care of this?" "No problem." "But first I must sleep for 2 hours, so I can come back for the interviews of the new agents." "Then I must make sure, my mother gets to the hospital." "Never mind..." "I'll go." "If we lose the incentive, everything falls apart." "But someone should go with you." "If we leave now, we can get back before night." "You want to go with him?" "Well, I'm the future assistant-manager." "Right?" "I'm pretty sure there is a painting of her in my room." "I feels like she following me around." "That's Kali, the goddess of destruction." "Why would you want the goddess of destruction in your car?" "Well, sometime destruction is a good thing." "She ends one cycle, so a new one can begin." " Why don't you ask her for something?" " Alright." "Destroy something for me, so I'll understand." "We have to a... get a ferry, and he'll wait here for us." "Oh my god, look... her hat." "That's our product..." "Western item D334." "Wow, I never actually seen one on of our customer in the flesh before." " What's with all the tourist?" " Oh, some famous cave." "It doesn't feel like India any more." "I could do it, you know." "Do what?" "Your accent... if I had to, I could do it." "'I'll take one of them cheese head hats. '" "Yeah Madam, no problem..." "we do have them cheese heads." "What size do you want to purchase?" "You're not one of them outsourcer, are you?" "What's your name?" "My name is Larry." "May I kindly have your credit number?" "If you're American?" "What's our national bird." "Oh yeah." "It's a big vulture with a big white head." "Let me speak to your supervisor?" "Certainly sir... hello, I'm the supervisor, how may I be helping you?" "You sound just like the other guy." "No sir." "Some of us do sounds alike." "There are over 1 billion of us, you know." "That's... terrible." "Nice..." "I guess we can let him keep his table." "How we gonna get it back to the ferry?" " What's that?" " It's a temple." " A temple for what?" " Shiva Lingam." "What's a Lingam?" "Well... you know... the male... part." "Hey, Todd, Todd, if you're going in, take off your shoes." "Is this... the male part?" "It's a symbol of creation." " And the... female part?" " Yea, they go together." "You see, Shiva was a very powerful god, and he grew tired of the cycle of life, death and reincarnation." "So, he decided to give up the pleasures of life, and he smeared his body in ash." " Ash?" " Yes" "And he didn't eat, or drink, or indulge, in any physical pleasure." "And this created a terrible fire within him." "Well... sure." "And that transformed him, in to a blazing lingam, which threaten to destroy all creation." "The other gods didn't know what to do, so a Yoni appeared, as a goddess." "And she absorbed the terrible heat." "Restoring balance to the world, and saving the universe from destruction." "Wow." "Close call." " Do you want a mango?" " Sure." "Have you ever eaten a mango before?" "First time, it's great." "Eat it like this." "Hello, sir." "You needing nice room?" "Need a room, no... we're taking the ferry." "The ferry's not happening, I'll get you last room, very good price." " The ferry is not happening?" " Yeah... ferry is blowing up." "You staying here, I get you really nice room, sir." "That's right." "'Ferry's blowing up. '" "Sir, I gave you last hotel room on island." "For very special price." "Go on, sir." "Welcome, sir... welcome." "Good afternoon." "I guess we'll take..." "two standard rooms." "No sir, no standard rooms." "I'm very sorry sir." "Two deluxe rooms." "Unfortunately sir, deluxe rooms are already taken." "We have only one room available, sir." "The luxury suite?" "No sir, the luxury suite is not available." "But we only have one room available, and the foreigners are very happy, sir." "OK, that's good." "Yea, that's great." " Yea... thank you sir, that's fine." " Give him money." "Ah... sir, that's enough." "That's good." "OK, thank you, thanks' for everything." "Well, this is... incredibly awkward." "Why you're surprised?" "Oh, this is my fault?" "Of course, it's your fault, You asked Kali to destroy something." "It's not a joke." "She blew up the ferry and now we're stuck here." "You told me too, you said sometimes destruction can be good." "How can this be a good thing?" "How can I tell my parents, that I spent the night with you at the Kama sutra Hotel." "Well, I'm not gonna tell them." "Your standing downstairs at reception desk, and that sleazy guy's saying this room's not available... and that room's not available, and you just say..." "Oh." "Why didn't you say anything?" "Why didn't you say anything?" "I don't know how this country works." "You know, I can't even talk to you with that stupid mango all over your face." "I don't have mango all over my face." " It's all over your face." " Is it?" "Yeah." "I can't see anything." "Help me out, I can't..." "'The deer and the hare. '" "'It's the coupling of the swans. '" "Oh my god..." "'The monkey pulls the turnip. '" " No, that's... that is impossible." " Come on, let's try it." " No!" " Yeah, let's try it!" " You said I should learn about India." " No!" "Todd, no one must know about this." "It must be our secret." "We stayed in different rooms, in different hotels, and nothing happened." "Of course, I understand." "Here, listen to this." "Press that." "So now when I call you, you'll have your own official Bollywood ringtone." "It's part of your continuing education in India." "Thanks'" "Well, have a good afternoon, Miss Asha." "I'll see you at work, Mr. Doad." "Hey..." "Kid!" "That's for you to draw... paint." " Hello..." " Hey!" "You see that?" "Unbelievable." "Mr. Todd, please go to line 15, we have a problem." " Hi." " Hi." " Is this an empty line?" " Yes." " Hello." " Very nice to chat with you." "You said there was a problem?" "Yes sir... the problem is I have to sit 3 feet away from you... and I can't come any closer." "Yes, that is a problem... perhaps we can solve that after work?" "I'm afraid, that might not be possible." "But, perhaps if we leave separately and go to the market, we could meet there." "Well ma'am..." "I have to say, your perfume is driving me crazy, is there any way we can expedite this order?" "May I correct you, sir..." "It is not perfume, it is cardamom..." "We live next to a spice merchant, and he grinds cardamom all day... it gets in to all our clothes." "I..." "like it." "I... 'm glad you like it, sir." "You're lucky he doesn't sell garlic." "Yes I am, sir." "My neighbor is buying cabbages over there." "Come with me." "I think we're Ok now." "Don't touch me, not in public." " But..." "I can help you down the stairs." " Thanks'." "The MPI is almost down to 6..." "I have to leave soon." "I know..." "Puro told me." "What'd you think about... living in the US?" "I would miss my parents, it would be too hard." "Have you ever thought, about living here?" "Here?" "... a, yea..." "I would, but I think, I'd miss my hot dog toaster too much." " We're close." " You think so?" "..." "How close?" " Oh..." "I can't really get into it." " That's not a good thing." " Lets go, get some tea." " No, I can't, not here, please." " People might talk." " So what if they talk?" "I should be more careful, like I shouldn't be seen with you, speaking like this." " Like how?" " Intensely." "Ah... why not...?" "You're a free woman, why shouldn't you speak intensely if you want..." "Why do you always worry, about what people think?" "Because..." "I'm engaged to be married." " Engaged?" " Yes." "How long have you been engaged?" "Since I was four years old, our families have known each other for generations." "His name Ashok, he has a very good job, and very polite." "We will be married in July." "Do you love him?" "Not yet." "I can't believe this." "I just can't believe that... someone as strong, and smart and as opinionated... as you, would settle for an arranged marriage." "I will learn to love him." "What about your right to choose for yourself?" "My parents met each other on their wedding day, and they loved each other." "To me that's crazy." "Some people would say, Americans 50 percent divorce rate is crazy." "Will you tell..." "Ashok about us?" "No... of course not, no one must know." "What'd you call this, what you and I are doing?" " Holiday in Goa." " What?" "It's something my friends and I say." "A friend of mine, she fell in love with a boy, one month before she had to get married." "He was a boy from her school." "So, she told her parents, she was under a lot of stress... and she had to go on a holiday in Goa alone." "So, she and the boy went to the beach, they had 3 weeks together... and then she came back, and got married." "So, I'm just your holiday in..." "Goa?" "No, not 'Just'..." "My only holiday in Goa." "So, where can we go to be in Goa?" "Shake my hand like a business person, and go inside." "It's a pleasure talking with you, Miss a..." "Badwadikar." "Hey..." " Sir?" " Hi." "I thought, sorry, I..." "I don't, I don't have any..." " You want me to come over?" " Aha... ha." " Hello." " It's Dave." " Did you see our numbers?" " No, I was traveling." " You mean you didn't see any of them?" " No, I need a ride." "A ride?" "I'm at the train station, I just got here from Bombay, on the damn night train, get over here and pick me up." "Wait one minute." "Dave... what you're doing here?" "It's a surprise." "Hello sir... hello... hi." "You want cola?" "Wait, wait..." "I will make." " Looks like a storage unit." " You get what you pay for." " What's with the music?" " It's probably a wedding, Dave..." "Why you're here?" "What kind of manager would I be, if I didn't drop in on our field operations, every now and then." " You don't trust me?" " Of course I trust you." "I just wanted to see it with my own eyes." "Collin's gave us a bunch of numbers, which look good." "But, somebody said it's too good for 3 weeks work." " You think I'm rigging the MPI?" " Relax." "When I walk in and see 2 dozen people generating the MPI in the 6's, I'll be a happy man." "After you." "Puro, what the hell is this?" "It's the water coming from the farmer next" " door, because of the irrigation." " Irrigation?" "That is, when the water is flooded on the crops." "I know what that means." "The water is coming from everywhere, and nowhere to go, a big problem, please tell me what to do." "Clear down to ten working stations." "Now it did... oh my god." " I want you to shred your passport." " Relax, Dave... it's no problem." "No problem...?" "How can you say no problem?" " Does no problem look like that?" " It's no problem." " We're going up on the roof." " The roof?" "People... we're going up to the roof." "We're gonna rewire this whole place in the next 20 minutes." "It's a nice night, its dry up there." "We'll bring up the workstations, run a new main power cable..." "We're going back online, upstairs." " That's impossible." " Maybe back in the States it is." "Anil, get the car." "I'll be right back with the consultant." "Consultant?" "Puro, this is my neighbor, he'll help with the rewiring." "He'll show you." "Consultant?" "Yeah." "See... no problem." "Yes, I am sincere, I do not care what you look like." "You have such a lovely voice and personality." "Manmeet, marriage proposal is not small talk." " I think she's the one." " Not tonight." "But Todd, I'm in love." "As long as she buys something every 5 minutes, and you clock it as a separate incident." " You can say whatever you want." " Thanks, Todd." "Elizabeth, wonderful news, we can speak all night..." "I mean all day." "Yes sir, no sir... maybe sir." "Quick, quick, quick..." "It's a supervisor demand." "Give it me, thanks'." "Hello?" "You got to be kidding me..." "I'm buying a freaking American eagle from a company that's suppose to be in America... and I get it in India?" " I understand that you're upset, sir." " No, you don't." "You don't understand, last month I lost my job at the plant, where I worked for 22 years... because the whole operation moved to Mexico." "My brother had to leave town because there're no jobs." "I know how you feel, sir." "No, you don't, you have a job." "Sir, please don't hang up, I have a solution for you." "What?" "Please, understand that many Americans are upset about outsourcing... so we have located American made versions of all our products." "If you have a pen, I will give you the website of an American company... that makes an eagle statue very similar to ours... same size, same material..." "Only theirs is made 100 percent in America." "Well, thanks, I appreciate it..." "But, ah... is the price about the same?" "No, sir, there's is $212.00 more." "Sir..." "Yea, alright... ah, just sell me yours." "Thank you sir, may I have your credit card number?" "Alright, ma'am, let me check that with my supervisor." "Ok, the shipping fee for overnight, is no extra charge." "Anything else I can do?" "Thank you, for shopping at Western Novelty." "My name Guarav." "That's it for today, well done everyone." "Thank you." "Oh, by the way, you broke 6." "Congratulations." "You guys are amazing." "I wanna see you all at the Lotus." "Dave?" "Dave... you doing OK?" "I feel like I swallowed a live squirrel" "Don't worry, it only last's for a week." "Some of us are going to the Lotus to celebrate." "Why don't you come with us?" "What's the Lotus?" "It's like an afterhours club for call center workers, who get off at 6am." "It would really be fun." "You wouldn't like it." " I need to talk to you." " We can talk tomorrow." "Yea, yea, but there's another reason, I came here." "I need to wipe out all the proprietary data, of these hard drives, before we pull out of India." "What are you talking about?" "Don't tell me we'll ship out, and moving Fulfillment back to Seattle?" "No..." "China." "We're running an existing call center there already." "They go online tomorrow." "China is the new India." "20 heads for the price of one." "What're you gonna do?" " Big speech." " Speech." "I do have something to say." "Unfortunately, it's bad news." "I just found out..." "I don't know there's an easy way to do this." "Western Novelty has decided to move Order Fulfillment to China." "All of your jobs have been outsourced." "Don't go to work tomorrow." "It's over." "Mr. Dave is wiping out the hard drives, right now." "You get a month severance pay." "That's it." "Guys... announcement." "I am..." "I'm engaged to Elizabeth Watson in Orange, New Jersey." "I'm sorry, I didn't know, I swear." "Why are they happy about this?" "They will be, it doesn't matter." "We trained them to a point, were they can get a job anywhere." "Microsoft, Dell, Office Tiger." "They'll get a job in a week." "And with severance pay, they can have some... fun." "So you can get another job too?" "Management is different." "I'm not young any more." "If I'm lucky, I'll get a job." "But that might take a long time." "If Bhagyashree's parents will hear this, she will marry someone else." " What's her hurry?" " Astrology." "Her moon are lined up." "Auspices time." "She must marry this year." "And now I don't have a job." "I'm so sorry." " I must leave India." " What?" "Why?" "I will die if I see Bhagyashree walking on the street, with a new husband." "If it's any consolation, I'm probably fired too." "I'm sorry." "You're a good boss." "Asha, sorry." "Oh, I'm not concerned about the job, I'm more concerned about my novel." "Your what?" "I'm writing a book in between calls at work." "And I saved a copy on my hard drive, I don't want Dave to erase it." "So, can we go back and save it?" " Yes, I guess we should." " I think we should go, immediately!" "What's this book of yours called?" "'Holiday in Goa. '" "That was great, I almost believed you myself." "Stop!" " No time for small talk." " Where can we go?" "Guarav gave us the key to his place..." "It's OK, he's a friend." "We can trust him." "We can be alone together." "We have two hours." "OK, I have to ask you something." "What is that?" "It's a bindi, it's a third eye." "It's the eye, with which you see, the most important things." "Sometime two eyes aren't enough, when you need help." "You and me already have been in my third eye." "Us?" "How?" "Well, my father is an assistant-manager with a foreign company, and my mother comes from a small village." "A girl in my position, has her whole life mapped out in front of her." "Everything I've done, I had to fight for." "'Asha, you can't go to the university, Asha you can't work in a call center, what will people say?" "' and then what you said..." "It was the first time, that I ever heard anything like that." "What did I say?" "'Asha can do anything'." "I always wanted to believe that." "Until you, I didn't think it was true." "I hope Ashok sees that." "Well he better, because if he doesn't then I'll leave him, and I'll come to the US and take away your job." "God, I'm gonna miss you." " You'll meet someone." " She won't smell like cardamom." "Rub some on her and pretend she's me." "She won't have your eyes either." "I wish I could meet someone exactly like you." "Well... almost exactly." "Almost?" "Someone as beautifully as you, as smart as you." "It's funny." "What?" "But is not afraid to try, 'Monkey pulls the turnip'." "Asha can do anything." " Hi, Doad, how are you?" " Good." "My friend Sudah." "My guest, Doad." "Yes, yes." "Data is uploaded, these hardware is not worth shipping to China, so I'm just gonna leave it here." "If there's anything you want other than that plasma, I got that covered, you can take it." "Just do it, Dave, if that's my option, just let me go, you don't need me anymore." "We don't need you here." "We need you in Shanghai." " You're insane." " Someone gotta train the new guy." "We've been acquired by the largest direct marketing firm within the United States." "Western is just gonna be a small part of this." "The new company is gonna outsource 4000 call center jobs." "They need a VP to manage it all." "I showed them your numbers, and they want you." "It's no joke, it's a great job." "You get to keep all the benefits you have now, plus a fat raise." "I'm not going to China." "And you get to keep the stock option, as oppose to losing them, and being unemployed." "No thanks'." "Someone's head hunting you?" "Alright we'll beat their offer, whatever it is." "Did I mention the stock option will double in value, maybe triple." "You don't have to live in China, no, all you have to do is get the call center up to speed and just visit every... couple of months, you get first class travel, and a co." "Apartment is yours in a high-rise overlooking the harbor" "What do you want, Todd, just tell me what you want." "You can't quit, then you've work your ass here, for nothing." "You can't quit Todd." "Who I'm gonna send to Shanghai now?" "Better Hurry, its boarding." "Mrs. Puro..." "Congratulations, to both of you." "Enjoy the view of the harbor." " Todd, you saved my life." " You saved mine." "Don't worry about running the call centre." "You'll be great, 'Break a leg'." "Break my leg?" "Just an expression, it means good luck." "Thank you, Todd." "I hope that both your legs get broken." "I'll never forget you said that." "Mom?" "Hey, its Todd." "Yeah, I'm back." "It was..." "I'll tell you about it, when I come by to visit..." "Hello..."