"Hey" "Oh, what's this?" "That is a demerit." ""Jim Halpert, tardiness."" "Oh, I love it already." "You've got to learn, Jim, you're second in command, but that does not put you above the law." "Oh I understand." "And, I also have lots of questions." "Like what does a demerit mean?" "Let's put it this way." "You do not want to receive three of those." "Lay it on me." "Three demerits, and you'll receive a citation." " Now that sounds serious." " Oh it is serious." "Five citations, and you're looking at a violation." "Four of those, and you'll receive a verbal warning." "Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning." "Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt." "In the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior." "Which would be me." "That is correct." "Okay, I want a copy on my desk, by the end of the day, or you will receive a full disadulation." "What's a dis- what's that?" "Oh, you don't want to know." "Script:" "EasyL" "Sync: easyL, nemameya 3x22 "Women's Appreciation" Original Air Date:" "May 3, 2007 (NBC)" "Hey Phillis." "You alright?" "I think I just got flashed." "What?" "Really?" " In the parking lot." " Oh my God!" "Move!" "Okay, I'll call the real police." "What happened?" "What can I do to help?" "I'll check the web." "Can you tell us what happened?" "I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions." "And he was holding a map." "And when I walked over, he had it out- on the map." "Phyllis, you're a married woman." "The guy was just hanging brain." "I mean, what's all the fuss?" "If that's flashing, then lock me up." "That's just like so creepy." "What's happening?" "Some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot." "Really?" "Is she okay?" "Yeah, Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down." "Okay." "Phyllis, you say?" "What is so funny?" "I mean, did he even see Pam?" "Or, uh, Karen from behind?" "I'm guessing not." "I'm sorry." "Pretty funny when you think about it." "It really doesn't." "It's disgusting in the meaning." "Okay, masters of comedy." "A guy dropped his pants." "Have you ever been to the circus?" "Okay." "He's back!" "Hey, what's going on?" "there's a police car is in the..." "What?" "What's going on?" "Oh, Phyllis' got flashed." "It's um" "I don't think laughing about it is an appropriate response." "Come on." "We're laughing at Phyllis and she's even not here." "So, no harm, no foul" "I don't think the woman in this office..." "Incidentally, where're you during all of this." "Maybe you're the flash." "I was at the parent-teacher conference." "Aha, Prove it." "Let's see your penis." "You know, as that was coming out of my mouth," "I knew that it was wrong." "In all the excitement," "I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe." "Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe." "For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far." "Foliage." "And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop." "Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me." "Michael, come over after work tonight, okay?" "And, I miss your body." "I don't know." "I feel..." "I drive a lot." "Spending unfortune gas..." "I'll give you $200." "And if I get up before you, I'll leave it on the dresser." "That" " I don't know." "That makes me kind of uncomfortable." "$300?" "I don't know... you know, whatever, Just let my assistant know if you're coming over so he can get more vodka, okay?" " Hunter, are you on?" " You got it, Jan." "Employees of this office are very small and delicate." "Deserve protection from local pervs." "Better a thousand innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free." "I'm sick over these things, those people out there are clearly afraid." "And, that can't happen." "Not in my house." "Agreed." "Let me show you what I've been working on." "There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over." "You know, see if we can catches the pervert." "This is the last thing that Phyllis need to see right now, Dwight." "Think of that one" "Dwight, are those your pants?" "That's a Polaroid." "Attention everybody." "Dwight has something he'd like to say." "Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map, and his penis," "I think you know what I'm referring to," "Michael has authorized me to form an emergency, anti-flashing, task force." "Question:" "Won't that interfere with your other task forces?" "Answer:" "No, because this is being given primary one." "This is petition for the business park to upgrade security cameras" "As well as install two floodlights in the parking lot." "And I know what you're thinking." "Won't that just shed more light on the penises." "But that is a risk we have to take." "Pam, you can draw, kind of, why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community." "Phallus?" "Phyllis, sorry." "I've got penises on the brain." "Back to work everybody." "I don't often miss Roy." "But I can tell you one thing." "I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy." "Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year." "Especially if it had been Jim." "He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's ..." "I am, I am saying a lot of things." "I didn't really get a good look." "That's okay." "I don't feel like answering phones." "Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out?" ""Women will be sent home"" ""if they wear makeup or heels exceeding one-quarter inch."" ""Females are not allowed to speak to strangers"" ""unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute."" "This is ridiculous." "Attention, I am removing all bananas from the kitchen." "Dwight, this memo that you distributed, is insulting." "Desperate times call for desperate measures." ""Sleeves down to the wrists,"" ""button-up collars, and muted colors."" "Nobody dresses like that." "Okay, you know what something, Dwight?" "We are not the terrorist." "Why don't you just take these women," "Put'em in the burlap sack, hit'em with stick." "Because, that's what you're doing." "I celebrate these women." "They deserve the right to dress as they please." "If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to." "I encourage that." "Look, it's really simple." "We just want you guys treat us as those respect." "See?" "That's what we're talking about." "Did you hear that, Dwight?" "Yes." "Did you hear that, Michael?" "No, Dwight, Respect!" "R-E-S-P-@-$" "T!" "Find out what it means to me!" "Alright, you know what?" "That's it." "Conference room in 5 minutes, women's appreciation." "Wait a sec, how are you qualified for that?" "Oh, I don't know, James." "Did I come from a woman?" "Have I slept with a woman?" "More than one?" "Less than three." "That is not current." "You know what?" "Why doesn't Oscar run the meeting?" "He's a homosexual." "Why don't you run the meeting?" "You play with dolls." "Those are collectible action figures." "And they're worth more than your car." "You know what?" "I am the expert." "I will conduct it." "I know the crap out of women." "I- um- would like to apologize for all the men who thought that this was a laughing matter." "Are we still discussing this?" "I say again, what is the big deal?" "Nobody likes to be flashed." "When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party," "I nearly vomited." "I don't remember doing that." " What a surprise." " Okay, no cat fights, please." "Let's- my point is" "My point is" "A penis." "when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman." "But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie." "Alien." "What are" " Shut it." "Shut up." "Okay, so what I want to engage us in today, is a hardcore discussion about women's problems." "And it's use and situation." "Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny tall goddesses." "Well, look around." "Are women like that?" "No, no, they are not." "Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny." "So what does that say?" "That says that you women are up against it." "And it is criminal." "Society doesn't care." "Society sucks." "I don't even consider myself a part of society." "F.Y.I. because I'm so angry over all of this." "If it were up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models." "Yes, Andy." "Then the fashion models could come here and work with me." "What you're saying is extremely misogynistic." "Yes." "Thank you." "That was not necessary, but I appreciated it." "And it proves my point." "Women can do anything." "I'm saying that you're being sexist." "No, I'm being misogynistic." "That is insane, I am not being sexist." " That- it's the same thing." " Michael." "Yes." "When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian." "Because- uh- that was one possible explanation." "That's the why you got that hair cut." "And, when we get mad, you always us if we're in a period." "I have to know whether you're serious or not." "I wish I could menstruate." "If I could menstruate," "I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore." "I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle." "Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides." "Can't we just get back to work?" "Yeah- okay- yes- well" " This is not work talk." " You're right!" "And you know why?" "It's because of where we are." "This is a masculine environment." "We need to find a place where you feel comfortable." "You know where we're gonna go?" "Steamtown mall." "Frankly, it's kind of insulting." "But," "I have a bunch of stuff I need to return in my car." "So, I can do that." "Malls are just awful and humiliating." "They're just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior's section." "There are petite adults who are sort of ... smaller, who need to wear... maybe a kids' size 10." "Okay, let's go." "Ladies of Dunder-Mifflin." "Hey, we should have a calendar printed up." "Pam, put that in my good idea folder." "Let's go!" " Have you finished with the sketch?" " Yeah" "Doesn't seem like the type." "Phyllis got a good look." "I plan on plastering this pervert's face everywhere." "You can run, but you cannot hide." "Meredith!" "Slow down!" "We're not gonna get there any faster for death." "Thanks." "I know how to drive." "You really shouldn't litter." "My car, my rules." "Hey, Jim." "You wanna go in the women's bathroom?" "No." "Thank you, though." "You aren't curious?" "Not really, I've seen a bathroom before." "Yeah, but- it's every guy's fantasy." "I think you mean a girl's locker room." "And in the fantasy, there's usually girls in it." "I'm going in." "Go crazy." "Oh my God." "I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today." "Of course you do, moonface." "That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah, and nobody likes you." "So, start hanging these all around the building." "This guy looks like a real deviant." "No duh!" "That's why we gotta catch him." "Start hanging those!" "Aye aye, Captain." "More like, "Aye aye, General."" "I don't think she's gonna make it." "Don't think she's gonna make it!" "It's a little too tight!" "I'm gonna find another spot." "Many women are competent drivers." "Okay, come on." "This is what we know." "Well, I stand correctly." "This is pretty cool." "Yes" "Hey- uh- where did you decide to take Karen tonight?" "Anna Maria's" "What's the occasion?" "6 month anniversary" "What?" "Nothing." "I think- we all kinda thought you guys were just like hooking' up" "No, even dating for six months." "She might mention an email that I wrote awhile back..." "Oh, right." "I remember that one." "She read it to me." "She said she's not really ready to date somebody in the office, but, she really likes you as a friend." "I figured." "It's cool." "I don't" "I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship anyway." " I hope nobody's on a diet." " Thanks Michael." " Thank you Michael." " Welcome, welcome." "Okay." "So- let's dish." "What do you wanna dish about?" "Anything you guys want." "This is your time." "What is a Pap smear?" "Or is it "schmear"?" "Like...the cream cheese." "Okay, new topic." "Kelly, how are things with Ryan?" "Awesome." "Um, awful, I mean." "But uh- sometimes awesome." "what do you think about role play?" " That can be fun." " Yeah?" "Jan has this school girl fantasy" "That's pretty common one." "I just" "I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress." "Okay, I'm going to be at the doll store." "Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are just too flashy." "So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store." "And order clothes for large colonial dolls." "Michael, you shouldn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with." "Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing." "I don't know, maybe we're different people." "I like cuddling and spooning, and she likes videotaping us during sex." "Oh my God." "And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form." "That is not healthy behavior." "No, it's not that bad." "The worst part is, that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it." "Michael, you need to get out of this." "Nah- she's- she's- fooling around." "That's a woman thing." "No. none of woman do stuff like that." "This is bad." "Oh, that's alright." "I'm okay." "I'm okay." "You guys- what am I going to do about Jan?" "Done." "Read the pros first." "Okay." "Jan is smart." "Successful." "Good clothes." "Hot" "Perfect skin." "Nice butt." "She does have very nice clothes." "Okay, okay, cons." "Cons." "Wears too much makeup." "Breast." "not anything to write home about." "Insecure about body." "I'm unhappy when I'm with her." " Flat-chested." " What was the last one?" "She's totally flat." "Shrunken chesticles." "No, the one before that." "I'm unhappy when I'm with her." "Michael, you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy." "I'm happy sometimes." "When we scrapbook," "Or, right towards the end of having sex." "Look, most relationships have their rough patches." "You just have to push through it sometimes." "Yeah, that's smart." "Maybe." "But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other." "That sounds good, too." "I don't know who's right." "I just don't" " I don't know." "I bet you know." "Don't think just answers." "What do you wanna do about Jan?" "I wanna break up with Jan." "Wow" " I wanna break up with Jan." "My mom taught me that." "Wow, I cannot believe this yogurt has no calorie." "No one said it has no calorie." "Oh, hey guys." "I wanna do something nice for you." "Because you did something so nice for me earlier." "I want you to go in there." "I want you to find one item on me as a thank you." "Come on, get in here!" "Let's face it." "Most guys are from dark ages." "They're cave man." "And they like woman to be showing her cleavage," "And to be wearing 8-inch hills," "And to be wearing- um- see-through... underpants," "But, for me," "A woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked." "This is so great, huh?" "We should do this much more often." "I think we hang out an appropriate amount of time." "What're you doing in here?" "This is the women's room." "You're in here." "I pay for that privilege." "Okay." "I'm a pretty normal guy." "I do one weird thing." "I like to go in the women's room for no. 2." "I've been caught several times, and I have paid dearly." "You don't want anything?" "My treat." "Some panties, or" "Got thong or G-string," "T-back," "Get a nice bra" "Padded bra." "See-through, push-up, lace?" "Thigh-high?" "Bustier?" "Anything." "It just, you know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear." "Phyllis, what do you think?" "Too much?" "Jim's gonna love it." "I'm kind of in between boyfriends right now." "So I don't need anything sexy." "But I do need some new hand towels," "I figure I could cut up this robe." "Slower!" "Slower!" "Meredith!" "Slow it up!" "Oh- oh, no." "It's Jan." "what do I do?" "Answer it." "Don't answer it." "Okay, it stopped." "Crap!" "That is pretty cool." "Michael, you know how to change a wheel, right?" "Uh- yeah." "Yeap." "Can somebody grab me the rubber, and I will..." "Here- uh" " Meredith, why don't you put your hazard on?" "Yeah, get your hazard on for safety." "Let me see." "Here you go!" "Good, yes." "We have the... lever it" "Alright" " Here I got it." "Do you have a crescent?" "A crescent Allan?" "I don't think that we really need that, Michael." "You know what?" "I'm going to" "You take care of that." "I'm gonna do traffic." "Detail." "You know?" "I changed a tire today." "All by myself." "This bathrobe's already coming in handy." "Coming!" "Think we'll find him?" "Yeah, I do." "'Cause justice never rest" "Halfsies?" "No." "Wholesies." "Listen, man." "I really appreciate you let me shadow you today." "I feel like I learned a lot." "Natch" "Yeap." "If you don't mind," "I think I'll hang up some of these posters around my neighborhood." "Schools, post offices, etc." "You know, I may have underestimated you." "You're not a total ass." "Okay, I am really going to do this." " Good luck, Michael." " You know what?" "I need my girls with me." "Pam, Karen, even Phyllis." "Come on, let's do this." "Let's do it." "Okay, remember be strong." "I love you guys." "I can hear voice mail." " Don't leave a message" " Hey, Jan. it's me." "Michael." "I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break." "Permanently." "And, uh, I know everybody says this, but" "I wanna remain friends." "Or at least, business associates who get along." "Oh just so you know, it's not me, it's you." "Okay, buddy." "Somebody just walked in, I have to go." "Um, so I'll talk to you later." "Michael," "I was um" "I was really unhappy with our conversation earlier." "And, I" "I just" " I couldn't stop thinking about it." "So, I decided that I would drive down here and apologize to you in person." "So" "I'm sorry." "Thank you." "So, we're good?" "Absofruitly." "Hold on, sorry." " No, no" " Just wait a second." "Oh, it's from you." " Do you wanna grab some dinner?" " Hey, Jan. it's me." "Michael." "I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break." "Permanently." "And, uh, I know everybody says this, but" " I wanna remain friends." " Maybe some Italian, or ?" "Or, at least, business associates" " who get along." " Chinese." "Oh just so you know, it's not me, it's you." " Okay, buddy..." "Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool." "beause they are un-understandable." "There's a wishing fountain at the mall." "And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish." "I wished for Jan to get over me," "I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV," "I wished for Pam to gain courage," "I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain." ""Michael, how can you appreciate women so much,"" ""but also dump one of them?"" "You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional?" "Well maybe I learned something from women after all." "Dunder Mifflin Paper slash Sex Predator Hotline." "This is Dwight Schrute." "Hey, Dwight." "It's Jim." "Jim, what are you doing?" "I'm busy." "No, you're not." "I'm looking right at you." " I'm hanging up." " Don't." "I have information about the sex predator." "You have information about the sex predator?" "I saw him two minutes ago." "Where?" "In the women's bathroom, above the sink." "Anti Flashing Task Force!" "Above the sink" "Pam!"