"A five-six-seven-eight..." "Anybody seen the Kelly sisters?" "You, you're up in five" " Keep the change, Charlie" " Thank you" "Velma, where ya been?" "And where's Veronica?" "She's not herself tonight" "But they paid to see a sister act" "Don't sweat it, I can do it alone" "Shit" "Come on, Velma, move it!" "Move it!" "Hurry up!" "You're killing me here!" "Ladies and gentlemen, the Onyx Club is proud to present" "Chicago's hottest dancing duo two jazz babes moving as one the Kelly sisters" "Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town?" "And all that jazz" "I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down and all that jazz" "Start the car" "I know a whoopee spot where the gin is cold but the piano's hot it's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl and all that jazz" "Skidoo and all that jazz" "Hotcha!" "Whoopee!" "and all that jazz" "Slick your hair and wear your buckle shoes and all that jazz" "I hear that father dip is gonna blow the blues and all that jazz hold on, hon, we're gonna bunny hug" "I bought some aspirin down at United Drug in case you shake apart and want a brand new start to do that jazz" "Let's go, babe" "But I didn't even meet your friend, that manager guy" "Don't worry, Roxie, it's all taken care of" " You told him about me?" " Yeah, kid, it's all arranged" "Find a flask, we're playing fast and loose and all that jazz right up here is where I store the juice and all that jazz" "Come on, bebe, we're gonna brush the sky" "I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high 'cause in the stratosphere how could he lend an ear to all that jazz?" "Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy shake, and all that jazz" "Oh, she's gonna shimmy till her garters break, and all that jazz" "Show her where to park her girdle oh, her mother's blood'd curdle" "If she'd hear her baby's queer" "For all that jazz" " Hello, Mrs. Borusewicz" " Mrs. Hart" "This is Fred, he's my brother" "All that jazz come on, babe, why don't we paint the town?" "And all that jazz" "I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down and all that jazz start the car, I know a whoopee spot where the gin is cold but the piano's hot it's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl" "and all that jazz" "Say it again, Fred" "You're a star, kid, my little shooting' star" "No, I'm no wife but, oh, I love my life and all that jazz that jazz" "Say it again, Fred" "Say it again, Fred" "hey, where's the fire, huh?" "Amos ain't home 'til midnight" "Freddy?" "Fred?" "Hey, you know I don't want you to feel like I'm nagging' at you or anything but don't you think it's about time that I met your friend down at the Onyx?" "I mean, it's been a month since you told him about me" "And I know, 'cause that was the night Velma Kelly plugged her husband and her sister" "You know they say that she found 'em in the kip together?" "Gosh, if I ever found Amos slippin' it to somebody else... boy, I'd throw him a part" " A great big goin' away party" " It's getting' late" "I have been thinkin' a lot about my act though" "Whenever I get a really good idea, I write it down in my diary before it goes out of my head" "And you know it occurred to me the other day that all the really, really knockout acts have somethin' you know, a little different goin' on, you know?" "Like a signature bit and I thought my thing could be... aloof, you know?" "Give 'em just enough to get 'em good and hungry but always leave 'em wanting more" "Hey, and once I get a name for myself well maybe we could open a club of our own, you know?" "You could run it and I could be the headliner, what's the idea?" "Wake up, kiddo, you ain't never gonna have an act" "Says who?" "Face it, Roxie, you're a two-bit talent with skinny legs, and I'm just a furniture salesman" "Yeah, but you got connections, you know?" " That guy down at the club" " There is no guy" " Yeah, that night..." " It was the first time I set foot in that joint" "I was collecting' on a bet from the trombone player" "So you never told anyone about me?" "Sugar, you were hot stuff, I woulda said anything to get a piece of that" "And now?" "Now?" "We had some laughs, let's just leave it at that" "Fred, you can't do this to me" "Would you get off!" "Huh?" "!" "You touch me again, I'll put your lights out!" " Wait" " Your husband'll be home soon why don't you wash yourself before you go spreading' those legs again?" "You're a liar, Fred" " Yeah, so what?" " You lied to me" " That's life, sweetheart" " You lied to me, you son-of-a-bitch!" "You son-of-a-bitch!" "You son-of-a-bitch!" "You're a son-of-a-bitch!" "Hotcha!" "Whoopee!" "Why you bothering', Sal?" "This one's all wrapped up" "I hear it's a new city record" "From killing to confession in an hour flat" "And where'd you get the murder weapon?" "I keep a gun in the underwear drawer, just in case of trouble, you know" "Well that's just fine, sign right there, Mr. Hart" "Freely and gladly, freely and gladly" "And mind you don't say we beat it out of when you get on the witness stand" "No, I gave myself up, surrendered of my own free will" " Isn't he the cheerful murdered?" " Shootin' a burglar ain't murder just last week a jury thanked a man" "I'm always grateful for citizens who know the law get in there you too" "Sit down" "Okay, from the top" "A man's got a right to protect his home and his loved ones, right?" "Of course he has" "Well, I come home from the garage and I see him climbing through the window uh-huh with my wife Roxie laying' there, sleepin' like an angel" " Is that true, Mrs. Hart?" " I'm telling you, it's the God's honest truth my wife had nothin' to do with it, she wouldn't hurt a worm, not even a worm it wasn't until I fired the first shot, she even opened her eyes" "boy, is she some heavy sleeper, I always said she could sleep through the St. Paddy's Day Parade when I think of what would have happened if I went out for a beer with the guys instead of coming straight home" "it makes you sick even thinking about it" "For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart would like to sing a song of love and devotion dedicated to her dear husband Amos" "Sometimes I'm right sometimes I'm wrong but he doesn't care he'll string along he loves me so that funny honey of mine" "sometimes I'm down sometimes I'm up but he follows 'round like some droopy-eyed pup he loves me so that funny honey of mine" "Like I said, even after I shot him he kept comin' at me so I had to pull the trigger again" "He ain't so sheik that's no great physique and Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts" "But look at that soul" "I tell you, that whole is a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts and if you knew him like me" "I know you'd agree what if the world slandered my name?" "Why, he'd be right there taking the blame he loves me so and it all suits me fine that funny, sunny, honey hubby of mine just supposing', he had violated her or somethin'?" "You know what I mean, violated?" " I know what you mean ...Or somethin' think how terrible that would have been it's a good thing I got home from work on time" "I say I'm tellin' you that" "That funny honey of mine" " Name of deceased, Fred Casely" " Fred Casely?" "How could he be a burglar?" "My wife knows him he sold us our furniture, he gave us ten percent off" " Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts" " You told me he was a burglar" "You mean he was dead when you got home?" "She had him covered in a sheet and she's tellin' me some cock and bull story about this burglar and how I ought to say I did it 'cause I was sure to get off" "Help me, Amos, she says, it's my goddamn hour of need ...shut off his trap" "I can't stand that sap" " Look at him go" " I believed her" "That cheap little tramp, so she's two-timing me, huh?" "Well, I'm through protecting her now, she can swing for all I care boy, I'm down at the garage working my butt off 14 hours a day and she's up munching on bon-bons and tramping around like some goddamn floozy!" "Thought she could pull the wool over my eyes, well, I wasn't born yesterday" "I tell you there's some thing a man just can't take and this time she pushed me too far that little chiseler boy, what a sap I was!" "You double crosser!" "You big blabber mouth, you promised you'd stick" "What are you talking about?" "!" "You been stringing' me, Roxanne!" "You told me he was a burglar, the whole time you been up here jazzing him" "You are a disloyal husband!" "Look, it's true, I shot him but it was self defense, he was trying to burgle me" "From what I hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for the last month" " So, what do you say, Missus?" " That's him all right" "Thank you your story doesn't wash, Mrs. Hart, so try this on for size" "Fred Casely was a good time on the side with Goofy here as a meal ticket" "A meal ticket?" "He couldn't buy my liquor" "And Fred Casely could?" "With a wife and five little Caselys?" "Or did he forget to mention them?" "What?" "All his" "That bastard that bastard!" "Yeah, I killed him and I'd kill him again" "Once was enough, dearie, take her downtown, come on!" "This is it, 2641/2 here they come, this way, honey!" "Aw, c'mon, it's a shame to hide such a beautiful face" "Why'd you shoot him, huh?" "Why don't you give us a profile with a little smile?" "Like the girl from the toothpaste ad" "Enjoy it while you can, take this down" "Assistant District Attorney Harrison says this is a hanging case" " I'm ready to go to the jury tomorrow" " Hanging?" "What do you mean hanging?" "Not so tough anymore, are you?" "Take her down to the Cook Country Jail" "Come on sweetie, we need a headline, why'd you shoot him?" "Was he cruel to you?" "Did he beat you?" "Was he fooling around?" "Hey, what do you mean hanging?" "!" "Use morphine?" "Opium?" "Cocaine?" "Arm length..." " 31 inches" " Arm length, 31 inches" "Height, 66 inches" "The matron's on her way, so don't get too cozy put out that cigarette!" "Ever had Morton before?" "She's fine, long as you keep her happy" "And now, ladies and gentlemen... the Keeper of the Keys, the Countess of the Clink, the Mistress of Murderer's Row..." "Matron Mama Morton!" "Ask any of the chickies in my pen they'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen" "I love them all and all of them love me because the system works the system called reciprocity" "On your feet" "Welcome, ladies" "Got a little motto always sees me through when you're good to mama mama's good to you" "You might think I'm here to make your life a livin' hell, but that's just not true" "There's a lot of favors, I'm prepared to do you do one for mama, she'll do one for you" "I could be your friend, if you let me so if there's something that upsets you, or makes you unhappy in any way..." "Don't shoot your fat ass mouth off to me 'cause I don't give a shit!" "Now move it out!" "They say that life is tit for tat and that's the way I live so I deserve a lot of tat for what I've got to give don't you know that this hand washes that one too" "When you're good to mama, mama's good to you!" "Let's go" "You must be Hart ain't you the pretty one" " Thank you, ma'am" " Call me Mama" "I'm here to take care of you now you'll be habituating down in the East Block, Murderess Row, we call it" "Is that nicer?" "You know I don't think I really belong in here, I didn't actually do anything wrong" "Don't need to tell me, honey, I never heard of a man's getting killed when he didn't get just what was coming to him" "Hey Mama!" "Come here, come here" "Velma Kelly, you're the Velma Kelly" "You know I was there that night, I was there the night that you got arrested" "Yeah, you and half of Chicago" "look at this, Mama, an editorial denouncing me in Redbook Magazine" ""Not in memory do we recall so fiendish and horrible a double homicide"" "Baby, you couldn't buy that kind of publicity" "Couldn't buy it?" " I guess I can keep this then" " Nice try" "If you want my gravy pepper my ragout spice it up for mama, she'll get hot for you" "when they pass that basket folks contribute to you put in for mama, she'll put out for you" "the folks atop the ladder are the ones the world adores so boost me up my ladder, kid and I'll boost you up yours let's all stroke together like the princeton crew" "When you're strokin' mama, mama's stroking' you so what's the one conclusion, I can bring this number to?" "When you're good to mama mama's good to you" "Mama?" "It's kind of... freezing in here you don't think maybe there's something wrong with the heat?" "Not that I'm complaining, mind you but you know, if you got a couple extra blankets tucked away" "Lights out, Ladies" "Okay" "Okay" "Pop" "Six" "Squish" " Uh, uh" " Cicero" "Lipschitz" "And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County jail in their rendition of... the Cell Block Tango" "Pop" "Six" "Squish" " Uh, uh" " Cicero" "Lipschitz" " Pop" " Six" " Squish" " Uh, uh" "Cicero" "Lipschitz" " Pop" " Six" " Squish" " Uh, uh" " Cicero" " Lipschitz" " Pop" " Six" " Squish" " Uh, uh" " Cicero" " Lipschitz" "He had it coming he had it coming he only had himself to blame if you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it" "I betcha you would have done the same!" " Pop" " Six" " Squish" " Uh, uh" " Cicero" " Lipschitz" " Pop" " Six" " Squish" " Uh, uh" " Cicero" " Lipschitz" "You know how people have these little habits that get you down?" "Like Bernie" "Bernie liked to chew gum no, not chew, Pop" "So I came home this one day and I am really irritated and looking for a little bit of sympathy and there's Bernie laying' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and chewin'" "No, not chewing', Poppin'!" "So I said to him, I said, "you pop that gum one more time..."" "And he did, so I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots... into his head" "He had it coming he had it coming he only had himself to blame if you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it, I betcha you would have done the same!" "I met Ezekial Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago and he told me he was single and we hit it off right away" "So, we started living together he'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, dinner" "And then I found out single, he told me?" "Single, my ass" "Not only was he married..." "oh, no, he had six wives one of those Mormons, you know" "So that night, when he came home from work, I fixed him his drink, as usual" "You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic" "He had it coming, he had it coming he took a flower in its prime and then he used it and he abused it it was a murder but not a crime" "Now I'm standing in the kitchen carving' up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business in storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage" ""You been screwin' the milkman" he says he was crazy and he kept on screamin', "you been screwin' the milkman!"" "And then he ran into my knife he ran into my knife ten times" "If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it, I betcha you would have done the same" "Mit Keresek, en itt?" "Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg leesaptam a fejet de nem igaz en artatlan vagyok, nem tudom mert mondja Uncle Sam hogy en tettem" "Probaltam a rendorsegen megmagyaranzi de nem ertettek meg..." " Yeah, but did you do it?" " Uh uh, not guilty!" "My sister, Veronica, and I had this double act and my husband, Charlie, traveled around with us" "Now, for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row one, two, three, four, five splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other" "So this one night before the show, we're down at the Hotel Cicero the three of us boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we run out of ice, so I go out to get some, I come back, open the door... and there's Veronica and Charlie doing number Seventeen... the spread eagle" "Well, I was in such a state of shock" "I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing it wasn't until later when I was washin' the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead" " They had it coming" " They had it coming they had it coming all along" "I didn't do it, but if I'd done it, how could you tell me that I was wrong?" " They had it coming" " They had it coming" "They had it coming all along" "I didn't do it, but if I'd done it, how could you tell me that I was wrong?" "I loved Al Lipschitz more than I could possibly say he was a real artistic guy..." "sensitive... a painter" "But he was always trying to find himself he'd got out every night looking for himself and on the way he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving" "I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences he saw himself as alive, and I saw him dead" "The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum the dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum they had it coming they had it coming, they had it coming all along first they used us, then they abused us, now would you tell us that we were wrong?" "He had it coming, he had it coming he only had himself to blame if you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it, I betcha you would have done the same" " You pop that gum one more time!" " Single my ass" "Ten times!" " Number Seventeen... the spread eagle" " Artistic differences" "Pop" "Six" "Six" "Squish" " Uh, uh" " Cicero" "Lipschitz" "Who belongs to them?" " What's it to you?" " Nothin'" "I heard they were Velma's" "Yeah, the Hunyak does all her landry for a buck a week" " Fresh towels for the can" " Make it quick" "Hear me out on this, now Billy Flynn's set your trial date for March 5th" "March 7th you'll be acquitted, and March 8th... do you know what Mama's gonna do for you?" "Momma is gonna put you back on the vaudeville circuit" "So now you're an agent too?" "Well, dearie until Ma Bell installs a private line in your cell all the calls have gotta go through me" " What kind of dough are we talking about?" " It's a crazy world" "I mean, Babe Ruth is wearing rouge and playing the Palace for five thousand a week" "Yeah, and what about someone with real talent?" "Well, I been talkin' to the boys over at William Morris and due to your recent sensational activities they seem to think they can get you 2500" "Twenty-five hundred!" "Jeez, the most me and Veronica ever made was three-fifty" "Yeah well, that's what happens you have the right representation" "You know, Mama, I always wanted to play Big Jim Colisimo's do you think you could get me that?" " Big jim's?" " Yeah" "Jeez, I don't know, that's gonna take another phone call" "Well, how much is that gonna cost?" "Come on, Vel, you know I feel about you, you're like family to me you're like one of my own" " I'll do it for fifty bucks" " Fifty bucks for a phone call!" "You must get a lot of wrong numbers, Mama" "Oh, Miss Kelly got your personals, freshly pressed by yours truly no, no, it's my pleasure" "Hey listen, can I ask you somethin'?" "You know that Harrison guy?" "Well he said that what I done is a hanging case and that he's prepared to ask for the maximum penalty" " Yeah, so?" " So I'm scared and I sure would appreciate some advice especially from someone I admire as much as you" "See, since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage" "Really?" "What's your talent?" "Washing and drying?" "No, no, I danced in the chorus, well, that was before I met my husband Amos" "Look, honey, you want some advice?" "Here it is, direct from me to you keep your paws off my underwear, okay?" "Yeah okay thanks... for nothin'" "She's something, ain't she?" "I tell no matter how big she gets, she's still as common as ever" "I'd like to help you, dearie" "Take a load so what do you figure on using for grounds?" " Grounds?" " What are you gonna tell the jury?" "I just figure I'd tell them the truth" " The truth?" " Yeah" " That's a one-way ticket to the death house" " Holy mother of God" "Oh relax, I mean, in this town murder's a form of entertainment besides, in forty-seven years, Cook County ain't never hung a woman yet so the odds are forty-seven to one, that they won't hang you" "Jesus, Mary and Joseph" "You're talking to the wrong people, what you need is Billy Flynn" "Who?" "Billy Flynn, he's only the best criminal lawyer in all of Illinois" "I'm telling you, what he don't know about juries and women" " How do you get this Billy Flynn?" " Well not by parrying dearie first you give me a hundred dollars and then I make a phone call" "A hundred dollars?" "Well you just..." "I mean, that seems pretty steep for a phone call" "Oh but he's worth every cent, I mean, he's never lost a case for a female client yet" "And with a sweet little puss like yours, well, let's just say, justice ain't so blind in Chicago" " He's never lost a case?" " Never" " He's never lost a case?" " Never" "Every girl in this place would kill to have Billy Flynn represent her" "We want Billy" "B-I-double L-Y we're all his he's our kind of a guy and ooh what luck 'cause here he is" "Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Silver Tongued Prince of the Courtroom the one... the only Billy Flynn" "I don't care about expensive things cashmere coats, diamond rings, don't mean a thing all I care about is love" "That's what he's here for" "I don't care for wearing silk cravats ruby studs, satin spats don't mean a thing" " All I care about is love" " All he cares about is love gimme two eyes of blue softly saying" ""I need you"" "let me see her standin' there and honest mister, I'm a millionaire" "I don't care for any fine attire Vanderbilt might admire no, no, not me" " All I care about is love" " All he cares about is love" "Good morning, ladies" " Not guilty!" " You tell 'em, sweetheart that's what he's here for" "Excuse me gentlemen, Miss Kelly, do you remember anything at all about that night?" "I passed out completely, Miss Sunshine, I can't remember a thing, only that I didn't do it" "Any idea who did, dear?" "No, no, but my client is offering a substantial reward to anyone with information about this crime" " How much is the reward, Miss Kelly?" " I don't know, how much?" "We'll work that out after the trial now, if there are no more questions, Miss Kelly and I have a lot of work to do" "What's all this about a reward?" "Awfully dumb, reporters, they'll write it up wrong, you deny the whole thing later on thank you" " All he cares about is love" " Mr. Flynn, I'm Roxie Hart" " Who?" " Mama talked to you about me" "Oh, yeah, right, the cute one" "I was hoping that you might represent me" " You got five thousand dollars?" " Gee, that's a lot of money" "Mama didn't say anything about five thousand dollars" "Look it, Mr. Flynn, I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but... maybe we could make some sort of arrangement between us?" "I can be an awfully good sport" "Good, you got that out of your system, now listen, you mean just one thing to me you call me when you got five thousand dollars all he cares about is love" "Show me long raven hair flowing' down, about to there when I see her runnin' free keep your money, that's enough for me" "I don't care for drivin' packard cars or smoking long, buck cigars no, no, not me all I care about is doin' the guy in who's pickin' on you twisting' the wrist that's turnin' the screw" "all I care about is love" "Oh, he'll see you now" " Well, hello, Andy" " Amos, my name is Amos" "That's right, take a seat" " You know, you're a remarkable man" " Huh?" "Your wife two-times you, plugs the guy, and then tries to pin it on you" "Most men'd let a dame like that swing, but, no you're sticking by her, that makes you a hero in my eyes" "That's right, I'm a hero" "Did you bring the money?" "I didn't do as well as I hoped, but..." "I will, Mr. Flynn, I will" "This is only a thousand" "Plus there's three hundred I borrowed from the guys down at the garage and there's seven hundred from the building and loan fund" "Two thousand" "And that's all I got so far but I'll give you twenty dollars off my salary every week" "I'll give you notes with interest... double, triple... till every cent is paid, I promise" "When you came to me yesterday, I didn't ask you if she was guilty" "I didn't ask if she was innocent, I didn't ask you if she was a drunk or a dope fiend, no all I said was, "Do you have five thousand dollars?"" "You said yes, but you don't have five thousand dollars so I figure you're a dirty liar, and I don't waste my time with dirty liars" "Look, I'm real sorry, Mr. Flynn" "On the other hand, your devotion to your wife is really very, very touching" "I took your wife's case and I'll keep it because I play square" "Now look, Hart" "I don't like to blow my own horn, but believe me if Jesus Christ had lived in Chicago today and if he had five thousand dollars and come to me things would have turned out differently" "Alright this is what we're gonna do by the end of the week I'm gonna have Roxie's name on the front page of every newspaper in town" "Sweetest little jazz killer ever to hit Chicago... that's the angle I'm after we make an announcement we're gonna have an auction tell 'em we got to raise some money for her defense they'll buy everything she's ever touched, everything..." "Your shoes, your dresses, your perfume, your underwear" "And Victrola records, like the one I was playing when I shot the bastard" "I didn't hear that" "Not that I didn't have grounds, mind you, hey, what are they?" "That's for when we go to trial, look nobody nobody's going to care a lick what your defense is unless they care about you so the first thing we got to do is work up some sympathy from the press" "and they're not all pushovers like Mary Sunshine, but... there is one thing that they can never resist and that is a reformed sinner" "So tell me, what was your favorite subject in school?" "Oh I was a real dummy" "Come on, there must have been something were really good at" " I got high marks in courtesy and hygiene" " Perfect, you wanted to be a nun" " A nun!" "?" " Where were you born?" "On a chicken farm outside of Lubbock" "Beautiful Southern home, filled with every luxury and refinement" "Where are your parents now?" "Probably on the front porch in their rocking chairs" "Parents dead, family fortune swept away, you were educated at the Sacred Heart" "Then you fell into a runaway marriage, left you miserable, alone, unhappy" "Of course you got all swept up in the mad whirl of the city... jazz, cabarets, liquor" " You were drawn like a moth to the flame" " A moth" "And now the mad whirl has ceased, and you are a butterfly crushed on the wheel" "Which is it?" "Is it the moth or the butterfly?" " You have sinned and you are sorry" " God, that's beautiful" "Cut out God, stay where you're better acquainted" "Kid... when I'm through with you, not only will you be acquitted every man on that jury'll want to take you home to meet his mother" "I was born on a beautiful Southern convent" "What?" "Oh holy shit!" " I'm never gonna get this straight" " Pipe down on the swearing" "look, from here on in, you say nothing rougher than "Oh, dear", now try again" " I was born on a..." " Come on, come on" "So I came up with some more things to do on the witness stand" "I thought I'd get all teary-eyed and ask to borrow your handkerchief" "Then I thought I'd take a peek at the jury like this and flash 'em a bit of thigh, huh?" "What do you think?" "Sounds great" "Hey, don't you want to hear the rest?" "Tomorrow, kiddo, you're at the top of my list" " Well, well..." " I'm sorry to be late" "Mr. Flynn, hope you weren't too bored" "I like it" "I like it" "Hey, Pollyanna, I heard your press conference is tomorrow" "Yeah, what's it to you?" "Well, you wanted my advice, right?" "Well, here it is don't forget Billy Flynn's number one client is Billy Flynn" "Meaning what?" "Meaning, don't let him hog the spotlight, you're the one they paid to see" "Now remember, we can only sell them one idea at a time" "Now remember, we can only sell them one idea at a time" "Yeah, I can still see him comin' at me with that awful look in his eyes" "And?" " And we both reached for the gun" " That's right, you both reached for the gun" " Ready?" " Yeah" "Good day, gentlemen, Miss Sunshine my client has just entered a plea of not guilty and we look forward to a trial at the earliest possible date" "Now, if there are any questions" " Miss." "Sunshine" " As you know, my paper is dry do you have any advice for young girls seeking to avoid a life of jazz and drink?" "Absolutely, yes, Mrs. Hart feels that it was the tragic combination of liquor and jazz which led to her downfall, next" "Ladies and gentlemen, I would just like to say how flattered I am that y'all came to see me" "Yes, Mrs. Hart..." "You see, I was a moth..." "crushed on the wheel you know, a butterfly drawn to the..." "I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard" "Shut up, dummy" "Mr. Billy Flynn in the "Press Conference Rag"" "notice how his mouth never moves... almost" " Where'd you come from?" " Mississippi" " N.2 and your parents?" " Very wealthy" " Where are they now?" " Six feet under" "But she was granted one more start the convent of the sacred heart" " When'd you get here?" " 1920" " How old were you?" " Don't remember" "Then what happened?" "I met Amos and he stole my heart away, convince me to elope one day oh you poor dear!" "I can't believe what you've been through!" "A convent girl!" "A runaway marriage!" "Now tell us, Roxie, who's Fred Casely?" "My ex-boyfriend" "Why'd you shoot him?" "I was leavin'" " Was he angry?" " Like a madman still I said, "Fred, move along" she knew that she was doing wrong" " Then describe it" " He came toward me" " With the pistol?" " From my bureau" " Did you fight him?" " Like a tiger" " He had strength and she had none" " And yet we both reached for the gun oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both, oh yes we both oh yes, we both reached for the gun, the gun, the gun oh yes, we both reached for the gun, for the gun" "Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both, oh yes they both, oh yes, they both reached for the gun the gun, the gun, the gun oh yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun" "Understandable understandable yes, it's perfectly understandable comprehensible comprehensible not a bit reprehensible it's so defensible!" " How're you feeling?" " Very frightened" " Are you sorry?" " Are you kidding?" "That's your statement?" "All I'd say is though my choo-choo jumped the track" " I'd give my life to bring him back" " And?" " Stay away from" " What?" " Jazz and liquor" " And?" " And the men who..." " What?" " Play for fun" " And what?" " That's the thought that" " Yeah" " Came upon me" " When?" "When we both reached for the gun" "Understandable understandable" "Yes, it's perfectly understandable comprehensible comprehensible not a bit reprehensible it's so defensible" "Oh yes, oh yes oh yes they both" " Oh yes they both reached for" " Let me hear it" "The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun, oh yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun" " A little louder" " Oh yes, oh yes" " Oh yes" " The gun, the gun, the gun oh yes they both reached for the gun" " Now you got it" " Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both reached for the gun, the gun, the gun" "Oh yes they both reach for the gun" "Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both reached for the gun, the gun, the gun..." "Both reached for the gun" "Move over, Al Capone the wind City has taken a new criminal to its heart" "The name on everybody's lips is Roxie Hart the sweetest little lady ever accused of murder in Chicago" "Women want to look like her fellas want to go out with her some little girls even want to take her home don't get any ideas, little lady on the other side of town the Assistant D.A. promises the game little sharpshooter will swing before the year is out" "Who knows?" "If he lives up to his word, Assistant D.A. Harrison might become Governor Harrison someday" "Back at the scene of the crime..." "everybody wants a little piece of Roxie Hart" "This jar of cold cream set her husband back twenty dollars" "Maybe this pretty little lady will get some of that famous Roxie style" "It seems everybody these days is rooting for Roxie Hart" "Take those wltin' roses over to the orphanage and make sure they know who sent 'em" "So, kiddo, you given any thought to what you wanna do after Billy gets you off?" "Yeah, I think I'd like to go on the stage" "I figured as much, I already called the Morris office" "Really, how much is that gonna cost me?" "My standard deal, ten percent of all your takings" "Yeah, we'll see, Mama, besides..." "I don't even have an act yet" "Well, killing Fred Casely was your act" "I mean, that's all those stiffs in the audience want... to say they saw somebody famous" "That's a freak act, and besides" " I am better than that" " Well of course you are, cupcake" "I mean, you could be as big as Sophie Tucker" " You really think so?" " Bigger than Cantor and Jolson combined" "You know I always wanted to have my name in all the papers before I met Amos, I used to date this well-to-do ugly bootlegger" "He used to like to take me out and show me off ugly guys like to do that" "Once it said in the paper" ""Gangland's Al Capelli seen at Chez Vito with cute blonde chorine"" "That was me" "I slip it and I save it" "You know, all my life I wanted to have my own act but, no, no, no, no, it was always no, they always turned me down one big world full of "No"" "And then Amos came along safe, sweet Amos who never says no" "look, I've never done this before..." "but you know, it is such a special night and you are such a great audience, and I really feel like I can talk to you, you know?" "So forget what you've read in the papers and forget what you've heard on the radio because, because I'm gonna tell you the truth" "Not that the truth really matters..." "but I'm gonna tell you anyway in the bed department, Amos was zero" "When he made love to me, it was like he was fixin' a carburetor or somethin'" ""I love ya, honey, I love ya"" "Anyway, I started fooling' around then I started screwing' around, which is fooling' around without dinner" "Then I met Fred Casely, who said that he could get me into vaudeville" "But that didn't work the way I planned" "I guess it didn't really work out too great for Fredy either" "So I gave up on the whole vaudville idea because you got to figure after all those years" "opportunity's just passed you by, but it ain't oh no, no, no, no, no, well it ain't and now?" "Well, if this Flynn guy gets me off, and with all this publicity" "I got me a world full of "Yes"" "The name on everybody's lips is gonna be Roxie the lady raking' in the chips is gonna be Roxie" "I'm gonna be a celebrity that means somebody everyone knows they're gonna recognize my eyes, my hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose" "from just some dumb mechanic's wife, I'm gonna be Roxie who says that murder's not an art?" "And who in case she doesn't hang can say she started with a bang?" "Roxie Hart" "Boys" "They're gonna wait outside in line to get to see Roxie" "Think of those autographs I'll sign "good luck to you"" "Roxie and I'll appear in a lavaliere that goes all the way down to my waist" "Here a ring, there a ring everywhere a ring a ling" "But always in the best of taste" "I'm a star and the audience loves me and I love them and they love me for lovin' them and I love them for lovin' me" "And we love each other and that's because none of us got enough love in our childhoods and that's showbiz kid" "She's giving up her humdrum life" " I'm gonna be, sing it!" " Roxie" "She made a scandal and a start" "And Sophie Tucker'll shit I know to see her name get billed below Roxie Hart" "I just can't take it anymore, you can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato" "oh no, Mama, not you too" "I have some bad news, kid, the tour's been cancelled" "What?" "Your name's been out of the papers too long all you read about today is that Hart kid, she's hot" "And what am I supposed to do, huh?" "Suck up to her like everybody else?" " It couldn't hurt" " Over my dead body" "Mind if I join you?" "Lights out in ten minutes" "Smoke?" "Look what some Johnny sent me triple cream caramels all the way from San Francisco" "Oh I'm watching my figure, you know, the trial" "Hey, great mention of you in the Trib today, huh?" "You know there have been so many, I just can't keep track" "Hey, did I ever tell you that you are exactly the same size as my sister?" "I mean, you'd fit into her costumes perfectly" " Really?" " Yeah, and I was thinking you know with all the publicity that's piled up between us, when Billy gets us off we'd be a natural to do an act together" "You think so, huh?" "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Velma Kelly in an act of desperation" "My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop my sister and I were headed straight for the top" "My sister and I earned a thou a week at least oh yeah but my sister is now, unfortunately, deceased" "I know, it's sad, of course, but a fact is still a fact and now all that remains is the remains of a perfect double act" "Watch this now, you have to imagine it with two people it's swell with two people" "First I'd... then she'd... then we'd... but I can't do it alone!" "Then she'd... then I'd... then we'd... but I can't do it alone" "She'd say, "what's your sister like?"" "I'd say, "men"" "She'd say "you're the cat's meow", then we'd wow the crowd again when she'd go..." "I'd go... we'd go..." "Then those ding dong daddies started to roar whistled, stomped, and stamped on the floor yelling, screaming, begging for more" "And we'd say "O.K. fellas, keep your socks up, 'cause you ain't seen nothin' yet"" "but I simply cannot do it alone" "So what do you think?" "Huh?" "Come on, you can say" "I know, you're right, the first part's shit, but the second part the second part is really nifty okay" "She'd go..." "I'd go..." "We'd go... and then those two-bit johnnies did it up brown to cheer the best attraction in town they nearly tore the balcony down" "And we'd say, "Okay boys, we're going home"" ""but before we go, here's a few more parting' shots!"" "And this... this we did in perfect unison" "now you've seen me going through it you may seem there's nothin' to it but I simply cannot do it alone" "So where was the part where you blew her brains out?" " Okay, Roxie, I'll level with you" " No, no, don't bother you think you're foolin' me?" "You're all washed up and it's me they want now" "And I'm a big star... single oh, I almost forgot, you were in the paper today too" "In the back, with the obituaries" ""Velma Kelly's trial has been posponed, indefinitely"" "Seven words, wow oh, and here's piece of advice, direct from me to you, lay off the caramels" "And now for all you Chicago stay-up-laters" "And now for all you Chicago stay-up-laters you night owls who only come alive after dark... we dedicate this tune, "Chicago After Midnight"" "This all took place on Lakeshore Drive?" "Incredible, incredible alright, yeah, yeah, thanks, Tom yeah... they just arrested this woman for a triple homicide" " Really?" " Yeah, and get this... she's an heiress!" "Yeah, the family's in pineapples, grapefruits, some kind of fruit, I don't know anyway, this dame, Kitty what's-her-name, something..." "She's playing house on the North Side in an apartment with a guy named Harry" "What Harry does for a living no one's quite sure but it doesn't really matter because she's footing all the bills" "Anyhow, Kitty comes home tonight, Harry's already in bed... which is par for the course for Harry" "She goes to change, when she returns she notices something rather odd, extremely odd" "Kitty disappears for a second, cool as a cucumber" "When she returns she gently wakes up Harry..." "So, the husband says, "What?" "I'm alone"" "She says "Alone?", "You got two other women in bed with you"" "So get this, Harry says" ""Come on, doll, are you gonna believe what you see or what I tell you?"" "Goodnight, folks" "Miss Baxter?" "Miss Baxter?" "Mary Sunshine from the Evening Star" "I wonder if you wouldn't mind saying a word or two" "Sure, I'll say three:" "Go to hell" "Please direct your questions to her counsel" "You're not my counsel, and I want my money back" "It's not your money, it's your mother's money" " Are you sorry, dear?" " Sure I'm sorry, sorry I got caught" " Hey, Miss Sunshine" " Not now, Roxie" "I got a letter from a guy, he says that he's going on a hunger strike until I'm free" "That's nice, dear" "Miss Baxter, did you know these two ladies personally?" "Did I know these two ladies personally?" "Was that your question?" "Yeah, that's my question" "Oh, she's very high spirited, isn't she?" " Miss Baxter?" " Oh hey, Mr. Flynn!" "Mr. Flynn!" " Yeah hi, Trixie" " It's Roxie" " Yeah sure, I was just kidding" " Did you get my trial date yet?" " Listen, kid..." " I know I'm at the top of your list, right?" " Go to hell" " Boy, what a hellion, huh?" "And a socialite, too, her mother owns all the pineapples in Hawaii" " What the hell do I care about pineapples?" " Hey wait!" "Miss Baxter will answer all of your questions and afterwards I'll be happy to give you an interview myself" "How's it feel, kid?" "J. Edgar Hoover couldn't find your name in the papers" "Mr. Flynn?" " Someone open this door immediately" " Oh my God!" "Roxie, what is it, dear?" "Oh, no, no don't worry about me, I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby" "Baby!" " Shit" " What?" "Roxie, when did this happen, darling?" "Well, Doc, is she or isn't she?" "She is" "Would you swear to that statement in court?" "Yes" "Good button your fly" "I would just like to say that, well my own life doesn't matter now just that of my unborn child" "You poor dear!" "To have your baby born in jail!" " My readers won't stand for it" " I can assure you that won't happen she'll come to trial at the earliest possible moment, and you can quote me on that" "I think it's sweet first time we ever had one of our girls knocked up" "When's the baby due, Roxie?" "Roxie!" "Hey Roxie!" "I just heard the good news!" "I'm the father!" "I'm the father!" " Hey Roxie, who's the father?" " That question is completely out of line how dare you insult this brave young woman, that's enough" "Roxie, honey!" "It's me!" "Daddy it's Daddy!" "Roxie, I came as soon as I could!" "Rox!" "If someone stood up in a crowd and raised his voice up way out loud and waved his arm and shook his leg, you'd notice him" "If someone in a movie show yelled" "If someone in a movie show yelled" ""fire in the second row, this whole place is a powder keg!"" "You'd notice him and even without clucking like a hen everyone gets noticed now and then unless of course that personage should be invisible inconsequential me!" "Cellophane mister cellophane should have been my name, mister cellophane 'cause you can look right through me walk right by me and never know I'm there!" "I tell ya cellophane mister cellophane should have been my name mister cellophane 'cause you can look right through me walk right by me and never know I'm there" "Oh, I didn't see you sit down, sit down" "look, Andy, I'm afraid I gotta hit you hard, I can only hope that you'll be big about it" " Amos, my name is Amos" " Who said it wasn't?" "It was the kid, the kid's name I'm thinkin' about, yeah you know when she's due?" "September but pass out those cigars anyway" "I don't want you to give a damn when people..." "When people what?" " Laugh" " Laugh?" "Why would they laugh?" "Because they can count can you count?" "September?" "Here's a copy of Roxie's first statement, from the D.A. 's office" "It says she hadn't copulated with you for four months prior to the incident" "Well she would know yeah, I guess we hadn't done no copulating since... wait a minute, that don't figure out right" "I couldn't be the father" "Well, forget about that now, my client needs your support" "You mean she needs a meal ticket that's all I ever been, but this time she's gone too far" " What are you goin' to do?" "Divorce her?" " You're damned right" "I'll divorce her she probably won't even notice" "Yeah, yeah, put him through a human being's made of more than air with all that bulk, you're bound to see him there unless that human bein' next to you is unimpressive undistinguished you know who" " You still here, Andy?" " Yeah, I'm still here" "I think" "Should have been my name mister cellophane 'cause you can look right through me walk right by me and never know I'm there..." "I tell ya..." "Cellophane mister cellophane should have been my name mister cellophane 'cause you can look right through me walk right by me and never know I'm there never even know..." "I'm there" "Hope I didn't take up too much of your time" "I've been waiting here for ten minutes, don't do that again" "This dress makes me look like a Woolworth's lampshade, I'm not wearing this" "You're wearing it because I tell you to wear it" " I'm not wearing this dress" " And when Andy's on the stand" " I want you to be knitting" " Knitting?" " Oh, for Chrissakes" " A baby garment" " I don't know how to knit" " Then learn" " That is no way to win a jury's sympathy" " Oh, you don't need advice anymore" "Look it here, Mr. Mouthpiece it seems to me that I'm the one coming up with all the good ideas" "I am sick of everybody telling' me what to do, and you treat me like dirt, you know that?" "You treat me like I'm some dumb, common criminal" "But you are some dumb, common criminal" "Well, that's better than bein' a greasy Mick Lawyer" " Who happens to be saving your ass!" " Who's out for all he can steal!" "Alright, maybe you'd like to appear in court without me" "Well, maybe I could, have you read the morning papers?" " They love me" " Wise up, they'd love you a lot more if you were hanged, you know why?" "Because it would sell more papers" " You're fired!" " I quit" "Any lawyer in this town would die to have my case!" "You are a phony celebrity you're a flash-in-the-pan, In a couple of weeks, no one's gonna give a shit about you that's Chicago" " What happened?" " It's the Hunyak she lost her last appeal" "So what's that mean?" "Well, that means that next week she's gonna..." "This is Mary Sunshine coming to you from the Cook County Jail where history will be made today" "Katalin Halenscki will become the first woman in the state of Illinois to be executed" "And so, ladies and gentlemen..." "And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your pleasure and your entertainment we proudly present Katalin Halenscki and her famous Hungarian disappearing act" "You know, it's really not that bad" " You clear about everything we agreed on?" " Yep, I been up all night rehearsing" "What do you do when Harrison starts coming after you?" "I sit still and look straight ahead, never at the jury" " And?" " And I look modest" "And?" " And..." " And say nothing!" "That was the deal, right?" "Right" "Right, you asked me back, I do all the talking this time" "Absolutely, Billy, whatever you say" " Mr. Flynn, his Honor is here" " Thank you" " You ready?" " Yeah" "Billy?" "I'm scared" "Don't be, I've been around a long time believe me, you got nothin' to worry about" "It's all a circus, a three ring circus these trials... the whole world..." "it's all show business" "But kid, you're working with a star" "Give 'em the old razzle dazzle, razzle dazzle 'em" "Give 'em the old razzle dazzle, razzle dazzle 'em give 'em an act with lots of flash in it and the reaction will be passionate give 'em the old hocus pocus bead and feather 'em" "how can they see with sequins in their eyes?" "What if your hinges all are rusting?" "What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?" "Razzle dazzle 'em and they'll never catch wise" "Give 'em the old razzle dazzle, razzle dazzle 'em give 'em a show that's so splendiferous row after row will grow vociferous give 'em the old film flam flummox fool and fracture 'em" "how can they hear the truth above the roar?" "Roar roar" "Throw 'em a fake and a finagle they'll never know, you're just a bagel" "Razzle dazzle 'em and they'll beg you for more" " I object!" " Sustained" "Your Honor, I haven't even asked the question yet" "Give 'em the old double whammy daze and dizzy 'em back since the days of old methusaleh everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler" "give 'em the old three ring circus stun and stagger 'em when you're in trouble, go into your dance" "Though you are stiffer than a girder, they'll let you get away with murder razzle dazzle 'em and you've got a romance" "Hello, Amos" " Amos" " That's right, Mr. Flynn, Amos" " Amos, when did you file suit for divorce?" " A month ago" "Was there any reason for filing at this particular time?" "I'll say the newspapers said Roxie was expecting a little stranger" "Well, that's hardly grounds for divorce, is it?" "A little too much of a stranger" "Oh, by that you mean you doubted the paternity of the child" "Well, sure" "Tell me something, Amos, did you share a bed with your wife?" "Yes, sir, every night" "You expect this jury to believe that you slept next to this woman every night without exercising your rights as a husband?" " Well, I could've if I wanted to" " Oh, but you didn't" " No, I did" " Did what?" " Want to" " But you didn't" " Didn't what?" " What you wanted" " Wait a minute, I'm getting' confused here" " Tell me, Hart, you tell me did you ever question Roxie Herself?" "Did you even bother to ask her if you were the father of her child?" " No, sir" " No, no but if you became convinced that you were wrong you'd be man enough to admit it, wouldn't you?" "You'd even be willing to take her back if Roxie swore that you were the father of her child, which she does" " She does?" " She does!" "She does!" "No more questions, you can step down now well done, Andy" "Roxie, I'm so sorry" "Give 'em the old razzle dazzle razzle dazzle 'em show 'em the first rate sorcerer you are long as you keep 'em way off balance how can they spot you got no talents?" "razzle dazzle 'em razzle dazzle 'em, razzle dazzle 'em" "This is the moment we've been waiting for" "Roxie Hart finally takes the stand in her own defense" "And they'll make you a star" "Order, order" "Order, order proceed, Mr. Flynn" "Roxie, I have here a statement in which you admit to having illicit relations with the deceased, Fred Casely" " Is this statement true or false?" " I'm afraid that's true" "You're an honest girl, Roxie when did you first meet Fred Casely?" "When he sold Amos and me our furniture" "And your personal relationship with him, could you tell the jury when that began?" "When I permitted him to escort me home one night" "I don't think I would have gone with him if Mr. Hart and me hadn't quarreled that very morning" " Quarreled?" " Yes, sir" " Well, I suppose it was his fault" " Oh no, sir, it was my fault" " I suppose I just couldn't stop pestering' him" " Pestering him?" "About what?" "I didn't like him working those long hours at the garage, I wanted him home with me to darn his socks and iron his shirts, I wanted a real home and a child" "So you drifted into this illicit relationship because you were unhappy at home" "Yes, I was most unhappy" "Roxie Hart, the state has accused you of the murder of Fred Casely are you guilty or not guilty?" "I'm not guilty!" "I'm not guilty!" "I killed him..." "I did... but I'm not a criminal" "I'm not a criminal" " There, there..." " I'm not a criminal" " Roxie?" " Uh, huh" " Do you recall the night of January 14th?" " Uh, huh could you tell the jury, in your own words, the happenings of that night" "Well, when Fred came over I told him my good news" "And what was that?" "That me and Amos were gonna have a baby, and that it was all over between us" "What happened then?" "Well then... then..." "Did he threaten you, Roxie?" "Objection, your Honor, Counsel's leading the witness" "Sustained" "What did Casely say when you told him the news?" ""I'll kill you before I see you have another man's child"" "Could you tell the audience..." "the jury... what happened next" "In his passion he tore off my robe and he threw me on the bed" "And Mr. Hart's pistol was lying there between us" "And then?" "And then, we both reached for the gun, but I got it first and then he came toward me with this funny look in his eyes, he was angry and wild!" " Wild!" " Wild!" " And did you think he meant to kill you?" " Oh, yes, sir, yes sir" "So it was his life or yours?" "And not just mine, I closed my eyes and I shot" "In defense of your life?" "To save my husband's innocent unborn child" "What a bullseye, huh?" " Order in this court!" " Roxie!" "There's pandemonium here in the courtroom" "Mrs. Hart's behavior throughout this ordeal has been truly extraordinary" "Yeah I bet it has" "Opening her eyes... she fans herself with her attorney's handkerchief" " Handkerchief?" " The poor child has had no relief she looks around now, bewildered seeming want something oh, it's a glass of water" "Oh mama, that was my bit!" "I told Billy I was gonna do that at my trial!" "But now her eyes flutter wildly and she..." "Mrs. Hart has fainted again she slumps over, her chiffon dress up around her knees revealing a glimpse of a blue garter with a rhinestone buckle" "Mama, she stole my garter, she stole my garter!" " She stole my garter!" " Velma, don't break my radio!" "God!" "First the slob steals my publicity, then she steals my lawyer my trial date, now she's stole my goddamn garter" "Well, whaddaya expect?" "I mean, these days, you get a little success and it's good riddance to the people who put you there" "There ain't no justice in the world, and there ain't nothing you can do about it" "Nertz to that you think I got you up here just so you could listen to the radio?" "People write some interesting things when they think no one's lookin'" "The State calls a rebuttal witness" "Left hand on the Bible, raise your right hand you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" " And then some" " Have a seat" " Would you state your name for the record?" " Velma Kelly" "Miss Kelly, will you please tell the court if the object I am holding is the one you happened to come upon in the defendant's jail cell" " Yes it is" " I submit this as Exhibit X" "Roxie Hart's diary" "I object!" "My client has never kept a diary and even if she did, this would be invasion of privacy in violation of the Fourth Amendment and illegal search without a warrant" "Yeah, and she broke the lock!" "Order, order well, that settles that, I'll allow it" "What's the big deal?" "It's just a lot of doodlings" "If you would read for us, Miss Kelly" "I haven't worked in a while" ""What a laugh, plugging' Fred Casely, the big baboon had it comin' "" ""I'm just sorry I only got to kill him once"" "I never wrote that!" "You..." " She made that up!" " Order!" "Order!" "Please Mr. Flynn, please get control of your client" "I'm sorry, your Honor, it won't happen again" "Sit down, shut up, it's only making it worse" "I have no more question" "Your witness, Mr. Flynn" "Ladies and gentlemen, a tap dance..." "Tell me, Miss Kelly, did you make a deal with Mr. Harrison?" "Maybe to drop all charges against you in exchange for testifying here today?" "Well sure, I'm not a complete idiot" "Good, good since you gave such an impressive performance for Mr. Harrison maybe you'd do me the same honor" " I'd be delighted" " Thank you" ""Fred Casely assured me he'd get me an audition down at the Onyx and then he reneged on his pledge and that was my motive for attacking him"" "That's a pretty fancy way of saying he was a big fat liar who welshed on a deal so I shot him" ""Amos accused me of having an affair, so I told him that the charge was... erroneous"" "Objection, Your Honor!" "Mr. Flynn is twisting this evidence to draw conclusions which are specious and..." " Erroneous?" " Exactly!" "Order!" "order!" "Miss Kelly, do you know the meaning of the word 'perjury'?" "Yes I do" " Do you also know that it's a crime?" " Yes" "I mean, for example, if it turns out that you knew that this diary was a fake" "I'd hate to think of you rotting away in prison for the next ten years especially since you've just won your freedom" "Look, all I know is what I was told" "So you didn't find this diary in Roxie's cell?" "No mama..." "Miss Morton gave it to me, she said someone sent it to her" "Someone?" "Any idea who this mysterious benefactor might be?" " No, she didn't know" " Alright, let's see if we can work this out someone who writes about reneging on pledges and erroneous charges" "Call me crazy, but doesn't that sound like a lawyer to you?" "A lawyer, a lawyer who obviously had a sample of my client's handwriting" "Mr. Harrison, didn't you ask Roxie to write out a confession for you?" "Yes, but you're not suggesting that I'd tamper with evidence are you?" "No, no, no, don't be ridiculous that's thoroughly and utterly absurd, but now that you mention it..." " Your Honor, this is outrageous!" " It's outrageous, I agree!" "Even to suggest that the prosecutor would make a thieves' bargain with the notorious Velma Kelly and then fabricate the very evidence that set her free..." "Your Honor, Velma Kelly is not on trial here" "And move one step closer to the Governor's mansion, why it's simply beyond all imagining" " I'll hold you in contempt" " No, it isn't even conceivable... but if it were wouldn't it be time to say, come clean, Mr. Harrison?" "Come clean" "Even in Chicago, this kind of corruption cannot stand!" "Will not stand!" "That's enough, Mr. Flynn!" "I agree, Your Honor, it is enough!" "The defense rests!" "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mary Sunshine reppporting live from the Cook Country courthouse" "The City of Chicago has come to a complete standstill as the "Trial of the Century" finally draws to a close" "Mrs. Hart sits quietly at the defense table, hands folded wondering what fate has in store for her" "And now a hush falls over the courtroom as the twelve men of the jury file slowly back to their seats" "Gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?" " We have, Your Honor" " The jury has reached a verdict" "Will the defendant please rise?" "What is your verdict?" "We the jury find the defendant..." "Roxie Hart is innocent!" "She's innocent!" "Get your paper!" "Roxie Hart is free!" "She's free!" "First she shoots the husband then she plugs the lawyer" "Hey, hey, don't you want to take my picture?" "Hey, I'm the famous Roxie Hart" "What happened?" "Billy, what the hell happened?" "This is Chicago, kid, you can't beat fresh blood on the walls" "But what about my publicity, Billy?" "My name in the papers" "I was countin' on that" "Your gratitude is overwhelming, kid, I just saved your life" "Yeah, and you got five thousand dollars and what do I get?" "I get nothin'" "Five?" "Actually it's ten, once I collect from Velma" "I get nothin'?" "Oh right don't forget your blessed diary" "Hope you don't mind, I added a few erroneous phrases in there" "Sorry I couldn't tell you" "Couldn't take a chance" "Never lost a case" "You're a free woman, Roxie Hart" "And God save Illinois" "Roxie?" "What do you want?" "I want you to come home, you said you still wanted to, and the baby..." "Baby?" "What baby?" "Jesus, what do you take me for?" " There ain't no baby" " There ain't no baby?" "They didn't even want my picture, I just can't understand that" "why didn't they even want my picture?" "It's good isn't it, grand?" "isn't it, great?" "isn't it, swell?" "isn't it, fun, isn't?" "Nowadays" "Nowadays" "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Roxie Hart says goodnight..." "There's men everywhere, jazz everywhere, booze everywhere, life everywhere, joy everywhere" "Nowadays you can like the life you're living you can live the life you like you can even marry Harry but mess around with Ike and that's good isn't it, grand?" "isn't it, great?" "isn't it, swell?" "isn't it, fun?" "isn't it?" "but nothing stays" "you can like the life you're living you can live the life you like" "Didn't she kill a guy a while back?" "Who can keep 'em straight anymore?" "But mess around with Ike and that's good isn't it, grand?" "isn't it, great?" " isn't it swell?" "Isn't it..." " That's great, we'll be in touch" "You know, I'm not quite finished yet, I have... wait, one more" "I could... just a second I'm not..." "Goddamn it!" "Thank you!" "Here's the music, hon" "Thanks" "Goddamn it" "You know, you're really pretty good" "Yeah, that and a dime what are you doing here?" "I heard you been makin' the rounds" "Yeah, well if it was up to you I'd be swingin' by now" "C'mon, I always knew Billy's get you off you should learn how to put things behind you" "Oh thank you" "I'll put that at the top of my list, right after finding a job and an apartment with a john" "Just shut up and listen to me" "You know, you really are something, comin' here like some goddamn Queen Bee all full of advice for a poor slob like me" "Well let me tell you something, Miss Velma Kelly" "I got a new life now, and one of the best things about it is it don't include you" "Fine, I just thought we could help each other out" " Well, you thought wrong, didn't you?" " Roxie, look, listen to me" "Look, I talked to this guy downtown" "He said one jazz worth nothing these days but two..." "We can make a couple a hundred a week" "Think about it Roxie" "Our faces back in the papers, our names in the mark key" "Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart" "Shouldn't it be alphabetical?" " That could work" " A coupla hundred?" " Maybe we could ask for a thou" " We're worth it" "Forget it it'll never work" " Why not?" " Because I hate you" "There's only one business in the world where that's no problem at all" "Ladies and gentlemen, the Chicago Theater is proud to announce a first" "Ladies and gentlemen, the Chicago Theater is proud to announce a first" "The first time anywhere there's been an act of this nature" "Not only one little lady, but two!" "You've read about them in the papers and now here they are..." "Chicago's own killer dillers, those scintillating sinners..." "Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly" "You can like the life you're living you can live the life you like you can even marry Harry but mess around with Ike and that's good isn't it grand?" "isn't it great?" "isn't it swell?" "isn't it Fun, isn't it?" "but nothing stays in fifty years or so it's gonna change, you know but, oh, it's heaven but, oh, it's heaven nowadays" "Okay, you babes of jazz, let's pick up the pace let's make the parties longer, let's make the skirts shorter let's all go to hell in a fast car and keep it hot!" "Me and Roxie would just like to thank you" "Thank you believe us, we could not have done it without you!" "And all that... jazz" "Five, six, seven, eight"