"WILL, ACADEMIC PROBATION IS SERIOUS." "HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?" "IT'S PROFESSOR BURTON'S FAULT." "HE USED TO BE AN EASY GRADER" "TILL HIM AND HIS WIFE GOT A DIVORCE." "AND HE BECAME IMPOSSIBLE." "THE LAST TEST HE GAVE I GOT A 4," "AND I CHEATED." "OH, THIS IS HORRIBLE." "HEY, HEY, PROFESSOR BURTON," "HOPE THAT AIN'T" "MY ESSAY YOU'RE READING." "HEY, WILL." "I HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO YOURS YET." "I'LL FINISH THEM TONIGHT," "RIGHT AFTER I MOVE THE LAST OF MY THINGS" "OUT OF OUR-- HER GARAGE." "LOOK, HAVE MERCY ON ME, MAN." "YOU KNOW I'M ON ACADEMIC PROBATION." "WILL, I LIKE YOU, BUT I HAVE TO BE OBJECTIVE." "WHEN I'M HERE AT THE UNIVERSITY," "I CAN'T AFFORD TO LET MY PERSONAL FEELINGS" "INFLUENCE MY PROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOR." "GUESS I WON'T BE NEEDING THAT ANYMORE." "[RING CLANGING]" "UH, HEY, LOOK, MAN, I USUALLY KEEP THIS" "ON A NEED-TO-KNOW BASIS," "BUT YOU LOOK LIKE" "YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW." "BEHOLD." "MY CHICKTIONARY." "A LITTLE BLACK BOOK, HUH?" "OH, YESSIR." "WELL, WHAT ARE THESE LETTERS" "NEXT TO THE GIRLS' NAMES?" "OH, THOSE ARE GRADES." "THERE'S A LOT OF Fs." "THAT AIN'T NECESSARILY A BAD THING, YOU KNOW?" "YEAH." "WHAT'S THE "B" MEAN?" "BE PREPARED FOR A POSSIBLE "F."" "* NOW THIS IS A STORY ALL ABOUT HOW *" "* MY LIFE GOT FLIPPED" "* TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN" "* AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE *" "* JUST SIT RIGHT THERE" "* I'LL TELL YOU HOW I BECAME THE PRINCE *" "* OF A TOWN CALLED BEL-AIR" "* IN WEST PHILADELPHIA, BORN AND RAISED *" "* ON THE PLAYGROUND IS WHERE I SPENT MOST OF MY DAYS *" "* CHILLIN' OUT, MAXIN', RELAXING ALL COOL *" "* AND ALL SHOOTIN' SOME B-BALL *" "* OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL" "* WHEN A COUPLE OF GUYS WHO WERE UP TO NO GOOD *" "* STARTED MAKIN' TROUBLE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD *" "* I GOT IN ONE LITTLE FIGHT *" "* AND MY MOM GOT SCARED" "* AND SAID--YOU'RE MOVING WITH YOUR AUNTIE *" "* AND UNCLE IN BEL-AIR" "* I WHISTLED FOR A CAB AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR *" "* THE LICENSE PLATE SAID FRESH *" "* AND IT HAD DICE IN THE MIRROR *" "* IF ANYTHING, I CAN SAY" "* THAT THIS CAB WAS RARE" "* BUT I THOUGHT, NAH, FORGET IT *" "* YO, HOMES, TO BEL-AIR" "* I PULLED UP TO A HOUSE ABOUT 7:00 OR 8:00 *" "* AND I YELLED TO THE CABBY *" "* YO, HOMES, SMELL YOU LATER *" "* I LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM, I WAS FINALLY THERE *" "* TO SIT ON MY THRONE AS THE PRINCE OF BEL-AIR **" "CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS." "HI, WILL." "OH, HEY, LOOK, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK." "OH, AND GGWAB" "MEANS GOOD GOD, WHAT A BOOTY." "HIL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" "I NEED TO SWITCH CARS." "CARLTON SAID YOU HAVE THE KEYS." "OH, THAT'S COOL." "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR CAR?" "I'M GOING SHOE SHOPPING." "I NEED THE WAGON." "BYE." "WHO WAS THAT?" "HILARY?" "OH, THAT'S MY COUSIN." "IS SHE INVOLVED WITH ANYONE?" "MOSTLY JUST HERSELF." "OH, YOU KNOW," "SHE WAS JUST TELLING ME TODAY" "HOW MUCH SHE" "COULD REALLY USE A MAN IN HER LIFE," "AND, WELL--YOU A MAN." "HEY, LOOK, CHECK IT OUT." "I GOT A IDEA." "WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER TO OUR HOUSE TONIGHT?" "ALL RIGHT?" "AND I'LL INTRODUCE Y'ALL." "WILL, I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS." "A WOMAN LIKE HER COULD REALLY LIFT MY SPIRITS." "MAYBE SHE CAN DO THE SAME FOR MY GRADE." "HEY, EVERYBODY," "I JUST BOUGHT NICKY A BRAND-NEW CRIB." "OH, THE CRIB CHALET HAS OVER 100 FEATURES," "INCLUDING AUTOMATIC GUARDRAIL EXTENSION," "INFRARED CLIMB-OUT SENSORS," "AND A BUILT-IN BUSYBOX." "SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED." "OH, NO." "CARLTON, MY BOY," "GO PUT ON YOUR WORK CLOTHES." "HELP ME." "I'M NOT GOING TO MISS A MINUTE OF THIS." "HERE, DARLING." "PHILIP, I KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN." "CARLTON'S GOING TO START IN ON YOUR NERVES." "AND YOU'RE GONNA END UP AT HIS THROAT." "NONSENSE." "THIS IS A PERFECT TIME" "FOR A FATHER AND SON TO SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER." "GEOFFREY, GO FETCH MY TOOLS." "YOU MEAN YOUR KNIFE AND FORK?" "HEY, HIL, YOU GOT A SECOND?" "SURE." ""SWEET SAVAGE LUST."" "ONE OF THE CLASSICS, HUH?" "IT'S ABOUT THIS RICH, BEAUTIFUL GIRL" "WHO LOSES HER LOVER IN A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT" "AND SPENDS HER NIGHTS ALONE, MOURNING HIS DEATH." "HA HA!" "WHERE DO THEY GET THESE STORIES?" "HEY, LOOK, HIL, YOU KNOW," "TREVOR'S BEEN GONE FOR MONTHS NOW." "D-DON'T YOU MISS DATING?" "YEAH." "AT FIRST" "I FELT GUILTY FOR WANTING TO," "BUT I THINK IF TREVOR WERE STILL ALIVE," "HE'D WANT ME TO SEE OTHER GUYS." "EXACTLY." "UM, WAIT RIGHT HERE." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "HILARY BANKS, SCOTT BURTON." "WHEN A MAN IS IN LOVE," "HE ENDURES MORE THAN AT OTHER TIMES." "HE SUBMITS TO EVERYTHING." "WHOO-HOO-HOO!" "DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO TURN THE HOSE" "ON Y'ALL, DUDE." "WILL." "YEAH." "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" "WELL, HIL, I FIGURED" "YOU MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON." "I WAS SAYING, HE'S A ENGLISH PROFESSOR" "AND--AND--AND YOU SPEAK SOME ENGLISH." "LOOK, STEVE" "SCOTT." "WHATEVER." "I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT" "NO, I'M SORRY." "I WAS JUST SO STRUCK" "BY YOUR BEAUTY TODAY," "I HAD TO MEET YOU." "I'M TERRIBLE AT THIS KIND OF THING." "OH, YOU'RE NOT TERRIBLE." "SHIELDS ARE DOWN, SCOTTY." "FIRE!" "I KNOW THIS IS LAST MINUTE," "BUT AN ARTIST FRIEND GAVE ME TICKETS" "TO A GALLERY OPENING IN VENICE." "THAT'S VERY NICE, SCOTT, BUT DON'T YOU THINK ITALY" "IS MORE OF A SECOND DATE KIND OF THING?" "NO, NO." "I MEAN VENICE BEACH." "WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN." "DO I HAVE TIME TO CHANGE?" "WELL, IF YOU LIKE," "BUT TRUE LOVELINESS" "NEEDS NOT THE FOREIGN AID" "OF ORNAMENT." "WELL, DUH." "UH, HOLD UP, MAN." "THERE'S NO TAG ON THIS." "I NEED A PRICE CHECK" "ON A PEACOCK ATHLETIC SUPPORTER," "SIZE SMALL." "NEVER MIND." "WILL, I HAD THE BEST TIME WITH HILARY." "CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HER AGAIN." "ALL RIGHT, MAN." "OH, AND BY THE WAY, I GRADED YOUR ESSAY THIS MORNING." "THE WHOLE CLASS DID RATHER WELL," "BUT YOU, MY FRIEND, GOT A B-PLUS." "YES!" "I GOT A B-PLUS." "I'M WILL." "CALL ME." "I ALSO SPOKE WITH YOUR COUNSELOR," "AND HE'S AGREED" "TO TAKE YOU OFF ACADEMIC PROBATION" "PROVIDED YOU DO WELL ON MY MIDTERM FRIDAY." "THANKS A LOT, MAN." "BUT A BIG MIDTERM ON FRIDAY MEANS" "YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SPEND ALL WEEKEND" "GRADING PAPERS." "I'LL, UH, MAKE THE TEST ONE QUESTION, OPEN-BOOK." "WELCOME TO THE FAMILY, MAN." "WHOO!" "ALL RIGHT." "HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?" "ALLOW ME." "[HIGH VOICE] WILL, YOU SHOULD BE" "ASHAMED OF YOURSELF." "HEY, JACKIE, I CAN EXPLAIN." "EXPLAIN WHAT?" "HOW YOU'RE USING YOUR COUSIN" "JUST TO GET YOURSELF A GOOD GRADE?" "HEY, LOOK, JACKIE, IT AIN'T LIKE THAT." "I KNOW YOU, WILL," "BUT I STILL BURN WITH DESIRE FOR YOU, BABY." "[LOW VOICE] YO, JACKIE," "I'M JUST LOOKING OUT" "FOR NUMBER ONE." "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?" "YOU KNOW." "YOU KNOW." "I DON'T KNOW" "WHO YOU BEEN TALKING TO, RHETTA," "BUT, NO, I DON'T BE GIVING" "MY DATES GRADES." "THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING, SO ARE WE" "GOING TO KICK IT TOMORROW NIGHT," "OR WHAT?" "I DON'T KNOW, DO A LITTLE SHUM SHUM." "YOU KNOW, WHO KNOWS?" "YOU WITH THAT?" "ALL RIGHT." "I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT THEN." "HAH." "AHH." "RHETTA. "B."" "AHH." "I HEARD SOMEBODY MADE A LOVE CONNECTION." "SO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DATE." "I HAVE TO ADMIT IT, WILL." "YOU WERE RIGHT." "I HAD FUN LAST NIGHT." "WELL, TRUST ME." "YOU GOT DUDE FLIPPING." "I LIKE HIM, TOO." "HEY, LOOK, AS LONG" "AS YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH PROFESSOR BURTON," "I AM A-O.K." "OH, WELL, THEN THAT SORT OF PRESENTS A LITTLE PROBLEM." "WHY?" "WHAT'S UP?" "'CAUSE I AM NEVER GOING TO SEE HIM AGAIN." "WAIT." "WHOA." "WHOA." "WAIT." "WHAT DO--WHAT DO YOU" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN," "YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO SEE HIM AGAIN?" "YOU WERE JUST SAYING-- SAYING HOW DOPE HE WAS." "HE HAS A MOLE." "WAIT." "HILARY, WAIT A MINUTE." "LISTEN, I SIT IN CLASS WITH THIS MAN" "ALL DAY EVERY DAY." "AND I AIN'T NEVER SEEN NO MOLE." "WELL, I HARDLY NOTICED IT, TOO," "BUT AS THE NIGHT WENT ON, IT GOT BIGGER AND BIGGER" "UNTIL IT WAS ALL I COULD SEE." "OH!" "IT WAS DISGUSTING." "HEY, HILARY, WAIT A MINUTE YOU CAN'T JUST DUMP THIS GUY" "BECAUSE OF A TINY PHYSICAL IMPERFECTION." "I MEAN, YOU AIN'T PERFECT YOURSELF, GIRL." "OH, STOP." "HILARY, LISTEN." "IMPERFECTIONS ARE WHAT MAKE PEOPLE SPECIAL." "LIKE, BACK IN PHILLY, A BIG BUTT ON A SISTER" "WAS CONSIDERED A THING OF BEAUTY." "YOU KNOW, THE MORE BACK BABY GOT, THE BETTER." "I MEAN, UP TO A POINT." "THEN IT'S JUST NASTY," "BUT COME ON, HIL," "YOU GOT TO GIVE THIS GUY ANOTHER CHANCE." "TELEPHONE, MISS HILARY." "A MR. SCOTT BURTON." "OH, THE MOLE MAN." "TELL HIM I MOVED." "HILARY!" "OH, ALL RIGHT." "HELLO, SPOT." "I--I MEAN SCOTT." "OH, YEAH." "YEAH, I HAD A NICE TIME, TOO." "TOMORROW NIGHT?" "YES." "YES." "UM, SURE." "O.K. I'LL SEE YOU THEN." "WELL, I DID IT." "I JUST HOPE" "I DON'T GET NAUSEOUS AND FAINT." "HEY--HEY, HIL, YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I GOT A DATE TOMORROW NIGHT." "WE COULD JUST DOUBLE." "WHAT THAT'S GOING TO DO?" "I DON'T KNOW." "MAYBE TAKE YOUR MIND OFF IT." "I'LL WORK MOLE PATROL." "OH, THANKS, WILL." "THAT'S GREAT." "YOU'RE THE BEST." "I'LL CALL SCOTT AND TELL HIM." "WHERE ARE WE GOING ANYWAY?" "THE OPERA." "DAD, WE STARTED THREE DAYS AGO." "AND THERE'S NO END IN SIGHT." "LET'S JUST PAY SOMEONE TO FINISH THE JOB." "AM I KEEPING YOU" "FROM SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT?" "AS A MATTER OF FACT, YES." "I'VE GOT MIDTERMS," "AND EVENTUALLY, I'D LIKE TO MOVE OUT," "GET A FULL-TIME JOB, AND START A FAMILY." "AND WHEN YOU DO, I WILL HELP YOU" "BUILD ONE OF THESE FOR YOUR CHILD." "NO, YOU WON'T, BECAUSE" "I'LL BE SMART ENOUGH TO PAY SOMEONE TO DO IT FOR ME." "AND JUST HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT" "WITHOUT A TRUST FUND?" "!" "GAME, SET, MATCH." "NOW STOP WHINING." "WHAT'S NEXT?" ""LOCATE THE RED LYNCH PIN."" "OH, GOT IT." ""BUT DO NOT REMOVE IT."" "[CRYING]" "WILL, THE LOBSTER WAS SUPERB." "YEAH." "THEY GYPPED US, THOUGH." "THEY ONLY GAVE US THE TAIL." "HILARY, I GOT THE FEELING AT DINNER" "THAT YOUR ATTENTION WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE." "WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?" "THIS IS OUR BOX." "WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?" "YOU'RE MAKING A MOUNTAIN" "OUT OF A MOLE, HIL." "THE MOLE?" "I'M OVER THAT." "WELL, THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?" "DID YOU SEE HOW HUGE HIS ADAM'S APPLE IS?" "EEW!" "I DON'T BELIEVE THIS." "EVERY TIME HE CHEWED, IT KEPT BOUNCING" "UP AND DOWN AND UP AND DOWN." "I MEAN, WHAT'S IN THERE," "A BASKETBALL?" "SHH!" "I CAN'T LOOK AT HIM ANYMORE." "I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE." "HIL-HILARY." "LISTEN." "THAT IS NOT A MOLE" "OR AN ADAM'S APPLE THAT YOU'RE SEEING." "IT'S TREVOR." "YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT TREVOR" "WAS REINCARNATED IN SCOTT'S THROAT?" "HIL, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY" "IS THAT YOU MISS TREVOR SO MUCH," "SOMETHING INSIDE OF YOU WON'T LET GO OF HIM." "IF YOU WALK OUT ON SCOTT NOW," "THIS COULD HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" "WELL, YOU MIGHT NEVER GO OUT AGAIN." "YOU'LL BECOME ONE OF THEM" "CRAZY OLD WOMEN WHO WALK AROUND" "ALL DAY LONG WITH A SHOWER CAP ON." "YOU'LL WEAR A RAGGEDY HALTER TOP" "THAT SAY, "JAM."" "THEN YOU GOING TO START WEARING" "RHINESTONE GAUCHOS." "AND THEN, JUST FOR NO REASON," "YOU'LL SAY, * DUM, DUM, DITTY" "THEN YOU'LL BE EATING NECKBONE SANDWICHES" "ALL THE TIME" "AND SCREAMING AT YOUR LITTLE" "IMAGINARY DOG BRUTUS." "AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST PART IS?" "WHAT?" "THE ONLY MAN YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO GET" "IS SOME FOOL NAMED GRADY," "WHO'LL BE SMELLING LIKE MENTHOL ALL THE TIME" "AND FALLING ASLEEP IN HIS SOUP." "OH, GOD, I HATE SOUP." "THEN YOU MARCH THROUGH THOSE CURTAINS," "AND YOU LOOK HIS THROAT IN THE FACE." "[ORCHESTRA TUNES-UP]" "EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?" "OH, YEAH, YEAH." "EVERYTHING'S FINE." "HEY, DID WE MISS THE NATIONAL ANTHEM?" "SOME FOOL NAMED GRADY." "[OPERA BEGINS]" "IS, UH, HILARY O.K.?" "SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING'S BOTHERING HER." "NO, NO, NO, NO." "EVERYTHING COOL, MAN." "YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE A TURTLENECK" "OUT IN YOUR CAR, WOULD YOU?" "WE ARE TRYING TO ENJOY THE OPERA." "I KNOW." "IT'S HARD, AIN'T IT?" "HIS NECK IS BLOCKING MY VIEW." "IT'S LIKE WATCHING A SNAKE" "DIGEST A RABBIT." "HILARY!" "LISTEN, IT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD." "IT'S ALL IN HIS THROAT." "YOUNG MAN!" "DID YOU SEE" ""THROW MAMA FROM THE TRAIN"?" "AHEM." "AHEM." "AHEM." "YUCK!" "I CAN'T STAND IT!" "SCOTT IS MAKING ME SICK." "HILARY!" "THANK YOU FOR A WONDERFUL EVENING." "MY UNCLE'S GOT HER ON THIS CRAZY" "CURFEW THING, MAN." "HILARY, LISTEN." "I'M BEGGING YOU," "PLEASE GO BACK IN THERE AND APOLOGIZE TO HIM." "IT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU TO WORRY ABOUT ME, WILL," "BUT I'M GOING TO BE JUST FINE." "LOOK, HILARY, LISTEN, UM..." "LOOK, IF YOU LEAVE NOW," "I MIGHT GET KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL." "WHAT?" "WELL, SEE, PROFESSOR BURTON" "BROKE UP WITH HIS WIFE," "AND HE WAS GRADING REALLY DIFFICULT," "SO I FIGURED IF HE WAS A LITTLE HAPPIER" "YOU'VE BEEN USING ME TO GET A GOOD GRADE?" "NO!" "NOT AT ALL." "A LITTLE." "OH, GOD." "WAIT!" "HILARY!" "HEY, PAVAROTTI, GO IN THERE" "AND TELL MY DATE I'LL BE BACK" "IN A MINUTE, ALL RIGHT?" "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," "LE CRIB CHALET." "OH!" "OOH, HONEY." "I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY, HONEY." "NOT ONLY DID YOU DID A GREAT JOB" "BUT YOU DID IT TOGETHER WITH CARLTON." "MOM, DO ME A FAVOR." "DON'T HAVE ANY MORE BABIES." "DAD, DID YOU SEE THIS REPORT" "IN CONSUMER MAGAZINE?" "IT SAYS THE CRIB CHALET'S" "THE MOST DANGEROUS CRIB ON THE MARKET." "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" "ACCORDING TO THIS, THE CRIB MALFUNCTIONED," "AND AN INFANT WAS TOSSED 50 FEET IN THE AIR." "WE CAN BEAT THAT." "GEOFFREY." "WELL, WELL, THAT WAS JUST ONE CRIB." "THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO TWINS" "IN NOVA SCOTIA." "WHY DON'T YOU READ AN "ARCHIE"COMIC BOOK" "OR SOMETHING?" "PHILIP, THE IMPORTANT THING IS" "THAT YOU AND YOUR SON SPENT SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER." "YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU BUILT." "EVEN IF IT IS A DEATH TRAP." "YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU DON'T" "HAVE A SON LIKE CARLTON" "TO BUILD SOMETHING WITH." "YES, SIR, THAT MUST BE IT." "LOOK!" "IT'S A BIRD!" "IT'S A PLANE!" "IT'S MASTER NICKY!" "HILARY, TONIGHT I HURT SOMEBODY" "THAT I REALLY CARE ABOUT." "WHAT ABOUT ME, WILL?" "I MEANT YOU." "OH." "THANK YOU," "BUT YOU WERE RIGHT." "I WAS?" "SCOTT IS THE FIRST GUY SINCE TREVOR" "THAT I REALLY LIKED, AND I GUESS I GOT SCARED," "AND I HAD TO FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM." "AND THAT ADAM'S APPLE THING WAS" "THE BEST YOU COULD DO, HUH?" "I NEVER HAD MUCH OF AN IMAGINATION." "WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL," "I NEVER HAD ANY IMAGINARY FRIENDS." "I JUST USED TO PLAY WITH CARLTON'S." "AND, GOD, THEY WERE SUCH DWEEBS." "YOU REALLY MISS TREVOR, DON'T YOU?" "I KNOW IT SOUNDS DUMB," "BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE" "WE'RE STILL ENGAGED." "I MEAN, HE DIED SO SUDDENLY," "AND I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO SAY GOOD-BYE." "WELL, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE." "WELL, I GOT TO GO STUDY" "FOR THE MASSACRE AT LITTLE BIG MOLE." "LOOK, HIL, I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT?" "GOOD NIGHT." "GOOD NIGHT, WILL." "GOOD-BYE, TREVOR." "THEN JUST FOR NO REASON," "YOU'LL SAY * DUM, DUM, DITTY" "OH, MY GOD." "OH, MY GOD." "CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS." "THAT IS-- IT'S SO GOOD." "DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S GONNA SAY."