"No no no, I never thought a coffin would cost so much." "No, it's that one at the back." "I mean, 200 quid for a crown?" "Otherwise, hasta la vista, kneecaps." "If you need the money that bad, I could maybe do you a favor and..." "Take the dog off your hands." "I couldn't sell him." "But I do need the dough." "Well..." "All right." "See you around, Monty." "You're a beauty." "Yes, you are." "No, we're quids in." "This posh bird was in before, saying..." "He's just what I've been looking for..." "Perfect for breeding." "Oh, he ain't mine." "Just watching him for this fellow." "Well, when he comes back in, get him to give me a ring." "Could be worth his while." "How so?" "I'd pay over £1000 for a dog like this." "I'll be waiting by the phone." "And when this fellow comes back pleading poverty, I'll bung him 100 quid." "And now we sell the dog on to mrs." "Big-shot breeder." "I'm ringing her now." "And they say cheats never prosper." "Ringing." "Still ringing." " That's the last time, Danny." " I agree." "What do they say, Albie..." "The old cons are the best cons?" "The dog-in-the-bar is practically prehistoric." "Yeah, I mean, come on." "It's beneath us, isn't it?" "I thought we was all about the long con." "We are, when we get a mark." "Well, we'd better find one soon." "900 quid..." "The week's takings." "We'd better get Monty back." "Oh, Albie, can't we keep him?" "Lester's going to wonder where he got to." "He'll be all right." "He's got hundreds of dogs." "Well, if you want someone to cuddle up to on those long lonely nights..." "I'll get a hot water bottle." "Whatever." "There you go, Monty." "Back home, safe and sound." "Always has a smile on his face after a day with you lot." "Don't you, Monty, eh?" "He made us proud." "Dog-in-the-bar!" "A trick that takes him back to the old days, eh?" "It takes me back a while too." "Bomber?" "Bomber, what is it?" "Bomber." "No." "Bomber?" "Walkies." "Just needs a bit more practice." "I thought you could start doing "the flop"..." "With the dog." "We need something bigger than that..." "A mark that inspires us." "Then hang on." "Hang on." "Here, as the nun said to the bell ringer." "The royal canine league charity ball." "Yeah, just the other day." "Huge event, chock-full of London society." "£200 a ticket..." "Well, for those who paid." "A worthy cause." "Yeah, the event must have raised 50,000." "Buy a lot of dog food." "Would do." "But the canine league received less than 10,000." "So where did the rest of the money go?" "Lady Bartwell's handbag." "Lady Bartwell?" "She's the woman who organizes the events." "Crafty." "And not the first time either." "I checked another charity she held events for." "Big events..." "Tiiny check." "Exactly." "And ticket sales aren't her only form of revenue." "370... 380?" "She even persuades unwitting celebrities to aid her causes... 500." "Sold." "...has gaming tables where the house always wins, sells £10 champagne for £60 a pop..." "All in the name of charity, all in cash." "That's nasty." "Why don't the charities kick off about it?" "She never stipulates what she's going to give them." "And they have to be grateful for anything they can get." "She sounds perfect." "So how do we get to her?" "That, my dear Stacie, is what we have to find out." "Okay, right." "Billy, listen up." "She lives in Chelsea, right?" "She's got a chauffeur." "I want you to talk to him." "I want to know everything:" "where she goes, what she's doing and who she's doing." "Before my menopause would be nice, Derek." "Ash, I want you to get in the house, have a little mooch about, see how she blows this charity money." "Ash, you're on." "Yes?" "I only turned my back for a mo, and he was gone." "Buzbee?" "Buzbee." "Madam, she not here." " Did you hear that?" " Yes." "It's coming from upstairs." "No no no, the Denzi bag, la bagga Denzi." "Yes, I know there are only six, but I only want the one." "Yes." "No no, I will not." "Sir, I don't know whether you..." "Yes." "Yes, he's..." "He's definitely in here somewhere." "Got him cornered like the japs in '45." "Yes, but I don't think that..." "Maybe you come back another time?" "Buzbee." " What are you...?" " Come to daddy." "There we are, good boy." "Here we are." "Sir, I..." "Poor thing." "Must be scared out of his wits, bless him." "Yes, sir." "Thank you so much." "Fashion?" "Fashion." "She's always first in the season's latest designs." "But half her stuff in her wardrobes still had the labels on." "That's because it's out of fashion by the time she's had a chance to wear it." "Look, her driver said she was looking all over for some..." "Some bag." "Yeah, I heard her banging on about that." "Something about there's only - six of them or something." "Tthe Denzi bag..." "Ultimate limited-edition, five owned by private collectors, one occasionally lent out by the designer." "What Clarissa wants, Clarissa usually gets." "Over to you, Albie." "She married her first husband for his money and title, and she changed her name from Carol to Clarissa and thought she was set." "And a few years ago he finally saw through her and left, leaving her a very generous settlement." "What, and she still robs charities?" "That's nice." "All well and good, but what do we know about fashion?" "Like I said, what do we know about fashion?" "Isn't it just a con in itself?" "And one she's already fallen for." "How do we do a fashion con?" "How little I've taught you." "One of the world's most famous cons was a fashion con." "Oh, yeah." "Leg warmers." "No no." "The emperor's new clothes." "Ah, of course." "Yeah, but that..." "That is just a fairy story." "But a very useful fairy tale." "So what happened?" "Fairy tales passed me by when I was a kid." "Billy, cover your eyes." "Cover your eyes." "Good." "Good, yes." "No peeking, no peeking." "Uncover your eyes." "There once was an emperor who was so vain, he only cared about being well-dressed." "Two swindlers heard about him and told him that they made the finest clothes in the land, and they used a fabric that was so fine, it was invisible to anyone..." " ... stupid?" " No, unfit for office." "Upon being shown the nonexistent clothes, the pompous emperor said, "these are the most beautiful garments I've ever seen."" "and everyone agreed, as no one wished to appear stupid." "With the exception of one little boy who suddenly stood up and said..." "He looks ridiculous." "He looks ridiculous." "He looks ridiculous." "But by then the swindlers had taken his money and his dignity." "Yeah, that's wonderful, wonderful." "But before Albert tucks us up with a glass of milk, I'll just remind everybody it's just a fairy tale." "No no, but what you're saying, Albert, is it's all about the hype." "Exactly." "Yes yes." "But we have to convince Clarissa that we have the most fashionable commodity in the land." "And then we make her pay for it." "Now you're talking my language." "Billy..." "I've got a job for you." "What's going on?" "What's going on then?" " You all right?" " Yeah, not bad, not bad." "What's happening?" "Danny, we don't even need tea bags." "That was just a cunning ruse on my part." "Ingenious." "Why?" "Okay, I wanna sound you out." "I think Billy is ready to play the inside on this one." "Wait wait wait." "Are you sure?" "Absolutely." "And he will be working with a master, of course." "Don't know where we're going to find one of them at such late notice." "So how'd you find me?" "Asked about." "Some guys heard you were doing cons." "Couple more questions, and here I am." "You look all right, though." "Bit different from the old days, but nice." "Yeah, a lot's changed since then." "Yeah, for some of us." "Well, he has come a long way." "In a very short space of time." "And shown he can be trusted." "But can he think on his feet?" "He has to be trusted with any eventuality, working the inside." "He can do it." "It's just that when I heard you was doing so well," "I thought you might like to help out an old mate." "Well, how much are we talking about?" "About 20 grand." "20 grand, yeah?" "I can't get that sort of money." "But these cons, I mean they're big, aren't they?" "Yeah, and long." "Hence the long-con part." "But you could get the money?" "So it can bankroll your crack deals or get meth to the masses?" "No way, man." "All right." "Why don't we talk about it over a drink?" "Eddie's bar, maybe?" "Then I can meet up with your new mates, fill them in on the Billy that they don't know about." " Listen, if you mess this up for me..." " What's wrong?" "What, they don't know you used to be a pusher then, Billy?" "Come on, sit down." "What?" "Sit down." "Come on." "There's something we need to talk to you about." "We want you to work the inside on this one." "What?" "Listen, we know ya, we trust ya, and we officially want to make you one of us." "So how about it?" "Really?" "Yeah?" "That's cool, man." " Right on!" " Good boy!" "Good man." "Now where's my change?" "Yeah, I just want one of those Denzi bags for the missus." "No." "Yeah, it's..." "It's Ritchie." "Guy Ritchie." "Yeah yeah yeah, she'll be happy with a lend." "You know lu chol is showing her collection tonight, don't you?" "Clarissa wouldn't miss that for the world." "I'm sorry, lucy who?" "Lu chol..." "The designer." "You know those black shoes I've got with the silver heel?" "Well, my dear, you may just have qualified as the roper on this one." "Thanks, Albie." "Kate Moss?" "You're kidding me." "You'd rather lend it to that pocket-sized pinhead than to the queen of p...?" "Kate Moss." "Premiere." "Tonight." "Perfect." "Kate's assistant, bodyguard." "Ready?" "Can't believe all the fuss over one bag." "She seemed like a real piece." "She's more than that, Billy." "She's stealing from charity." "Yeah, but we're stealing from her." "Grifters don't steal, they con." "There's a difference." "Or is there though?" "The con is an art form." "Lady Bartwell is a lowlife, down there with people who rob old ladies or push drugs on kids." "Taxi." "Wish me luck, Ash." " Best of British." " Don't you mean Russian?" "Lu, Lu..." "That's not a..." "Is that a Denzi bag?" "I couldn't resist when he sending it over." "Such a darling." "You know Denzi?" "Little." "A little." "Oh, you haven't got a drink." "Girl!" "A glass for my friend." " I really shouldn't..." " No no, nonsense." "I'm lady Bartwell." "Sophia Petrova." "So tell me, how come I don't know you?" "Oh, I'm so sorry." "That's all right." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "Nice, um..." "Yes, thank you." "Haven't forgot about me, have you, bruv?" "I thought I would have heard from you by now." "Look, I told you, I can't get the money." "But you're working on a con now, yeah?" "Yeah, but I'm..." "I'm the new kid." "Yeah?" "All I do is the running about, innit?" "No, I don't believe you, bruv." "Look, I was out getting tea bags when you cornered me." "I'm being serious." "They don't trust me with anything decent." "So it won't be a big deal if I tell them about you then." "You got three days." "We're based in New York..." "Vlad's business, you know." "But I'll be back here in London in the fall." "Well, you and your husband must come to one of my little charity dos." "I too also do the charity work." "Really?" "I help struggling designers." "That's how I know Lu." "Well, I'd hardly call her struggling." "Five years ago..." "Stripey tights, piggy tails in the back room in Beijing." "Lu Chol?" "Piggy tails." "But I saw somethink in her work, somethink nobody else had." "I call Vlad, we sponsor her show..." "Anonymous, of course." "Of course." "But it has its advantages." "I must go over and talk to Lu." "And so that's why you're in London..." "To..." "To chase the next big thing." "Could be the biggest thing yet." "All right, guys, did she go for it?" "Darling, she's thinking I was fabulous." "As well she should, my dear, as well she should." "Ash, where do we go next?" "She has tea with an acquaintance every thursday, the Blenheim hotel." "Blenheim?" "Blenheim..." "Why's that ring a bell?" "Oh, yeah." "You said you'd call." "Oh, Tina, babe, I wanted to, honestly, but me mum washed me kecks with your number in them." "You put my number in your phone." "Unbelievable." "Completely knackered it." "But granted, it has never been whiter." "What if the manager finds out?" "Aw, come on." "Didn't find out last time we used a room, did he?" "You've got until 5:00 then the Spanish ambassador's checking in." "You are a little angel." " I'm a mug." " No." "Hello again." "Oh, how lovely." "Are you here for tea?" "No, I stay here." "Well, then I would love it if you'd join me for a drink." "I'm so sorry, I have delivery in my suite." "Well, then I'll join you." "Perfect, yes?" "You're not expecting someone?" "No no." "Coo-ee, darling." "Cancer, aids, the homeless, the starving..." "I feel as if I've picked up where Diana left off." "And you also love fashion, like the princess." "We're two peas in a pod." "Now tell me..." "You mentioned a brand new designer when we first met." "I did?" "Oh, come on now, Sophia, don't be coy." "I'd love to know who it is." "Excuse me." "I'm sorry, Felix, no." "It's strictly tickets-only." "I told you that." "No, I don't want you down on your knees, at least not to beg." "Felix, I've got to go, love." "All right, keep it warm." "Bye-bye." "Sophia, lovely." "Felix du bois, driving me nuts." "Vogue are desperate to get in tonight, but you know what lorde's like." "Oh, I didn't realize you had company." "Lady Bartwell, this is Symon Darnell." "Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Symon." "So tell me, is this lorde your hot new thing?" "I'm so sorry, Clarissa, I really cannot say." "Is this it?" "This is it." "Would you excuse me, just for one moment?" "Yes, of course." "I'll just..." "Wait here." "Oh, Symon, I'm so excited." "You ready to see it?" "Oh, Symon, it's amazing." "It's marvelous." "Really marvelous." "Oh, the button." "The button, the details..." "Please, could I try it?" "Could I try it on, please?" "Out by 5:00..." "Spanish ambassador." "The way it just hangs there..." "Oh, go on, have a touch." "Hello?" "Symon Darnell's phone." "Felix du Bois." "Is Symon available?" "No, he's not at the moment." "I will call back." "No, can I help?" "Is..." "Is this about the Lorde show?" "Yes, he assured us it was for potential investors only." "Right." "So how is it Annie Leibovitz has just landed at Heathrow?" "Is Vanity Fair coming?" "I know you think you have the hottest thing in fashion, but I'm warning you, it would be a mistake to snub vogue, so get us on that list." "Right..." "Yes, well, I'll have to speak to Symon." "Make it happen." "Was that meant to be French?" "Classic Normandy, with a nod to the Loire region." "With a nod to Clouseau, more like it." "Eddie, my friend," " I need to ask a favor." " No." "So, when will I know exact location of the show?" "Don't worry, I'll call you at 6:00." "I'll give you the password." "All right?" "Big kiss for a big night." "Lovely to meet you." "You too, Symon." "You too." "Well, I think I might have another cup." " No." " We only want to borrow the bar." "It's not a library book." "How about we settle this with a little bet?" "No, no bets." " I bet you 200 quid..." " You're wasting your breath." " I can drink 3 pints..." " I don't listen." "Quicker than you can drink..." "Three shots." "That's all?" "They still charge you, even if you don't eat them." " Where?" " Left here." "Good afternoon." "Get out!" "Thank you." "I just wanted to welcome you personally and, as acting manager, say if there's anything you need while you're here, don't hesitate to call." "Come along, boys." "Chop-chop." "So I just have to drink these quicker than you can drink those, and I'm 200 quid up?" "Spot on." "But if you lose..." "Yeah, I lend you the bar." "Yeah." "The only rule is, we're not allowed to touch each other's glasses." "Fair enough." " Ready, Eddie?" " Ready." "Go." "One down, and you're not even halfway through your first." "Bottoms up." "It's not looking good for you, is it, mate?" "I think I'll take my time, savor the moment." "See, you always think you're so clever, don't you..." ""poor Eddie, he's a soft sort, he's an easy target"?" "But for once, I'm gonna be the one who comes up..." "What are you doing?" "You can't touch my glass, remember?" "Cheers, Ed." "See you tonight." "So does this turn into a pumpkin at midnight?" "No, my dear, it turnsinto a felony." "Is she following?" "Like a lamb to the slaughter." "Go on." "Have a nice night." "I'm lady Bartwell." "I'm here for the private investors' show." "Password?" "My name is my password." "No, funnily enough, it's not." "And I thought you said you were a lady." "You lost something, love?" "Did, um..." "Did you deliver the clothes?" "Do you still think Billy's ready to play the inside?" "'Course." "Do we have doubts?" "I don't know." "He just seems a bit edgy." "I have noticed he seems a little distracted." "He's usually so confident." "He's just nervous." "It's only natural." "It's his first time." "You remember your first time, don't you, baby?" "I don't know why I try to bother being serious with you." "There's the man." "Is that gonna be enough, yeah?" "Yeah, that'll do." "Did she go for it?" "Yeah, she managed to wheedle the address out of me..." "Llorde's secret location for a 10 quid bribe." "She is cheap." "I'm surprised she didn't ask for change." "She realized there's no point trying to get in here." "My bet is she'll head for his studio tomorrow." "Okay, are we sorted for clothes?" "Ash and I are central st." "Martin's bound tomorrow." "Great." "Then we get to watch our shiny new star..." "Rise." "Get in the car and hide." "But I agreed to sponsor the show, and now we're making him wait for money." "It was one night and it meant nothing." "Are you going to keep to punish me?" "Just get me that money." " Who are you?" " I'm..." "I'm lady..." "Lorde, what is it now?" "I just wanted to..." "Sorry, you remember me from yesterday, don't you?" "Yes, of course, but you really shouldn't be here." "No one should be here." "This is my sanctuary." "Thank you, I'm dealing with it." "How did you find us?" "Someone must have talked." "It was Sophia." " Sophia?" " Yes, she..." "I was meeting her for lunch, and she told me to come here." "She told you to come here?" "Was that wrong?" " I'm sorry." " I can't believe..." "Idiot!" "Mr. Devane will see you now." "But I think my interview's meant to be with Lisa Coya." "Trey, yes." "Lisa will see you right after." "It's a two-part jobbie." "Come on." " Thank you." " Pleasure." "Link, this is Trey Farmer." "Trey, come in, come in." "Sit down." "Make yourself comfortable." "Just relax." "Trey, I want you to know that I don't agree with the conventiona interview." "After all, fashion isn't conventional." "Why should the interview be, hmm?" "Anyway, I'm going to give you one hour... 60 minutes..." "to create the most imaginative outfit you can out of this." "I'm sorry about all this." "Lorde's ferocious with his privacy." "I just think Sophia wanted a second opinion." "I don't suppose there's any chance I could have a little look at the collection, is there?" "I'm sorry, no." "And Sophia shouldn't have said anything." "Look, I'd love to take you and lorde for lunch to make up for all this nonsense." "I really think it best if you just go." "Please, just to say sorry." "Sophia's obviously beggaring us both about today." "Well, lorde's very picky about where he eats." "Then everyone was nuts for testicular cancer." "What did you say this was again?" "Goat." "Goat?" "How unusual." "So how do you help the kids?" "Kids?" "Kids on the street." "I did a benefit last year for children..." "Finger buffet, two Spice Girls..." "Wonderful." "Lorde is driven by a sense of social responsibility." "That's why we chose Sophia to be our sponsor." "Her work for charity is exhaustive." "Well, yes, I understand, but just how much of a social conscience you can have with mafia money, I'm not quite sure." "Mafia?" "Well, it's not for me to say, but I do feel that some of Sophia's..." "Connections in New York are, well, shall we say, dubious." "We're taking mafia money?" "Look, I didn't know about that." "No..." "I want out." "But we've already agreed." "Where's the money?" "I don't know." "She's getting it, isn't she?" "From where?" "Gun running?" "Child prostitution?" "Drugs." "You didn't like any of the other investors, remember?" "You said Elton was looking at you funny." "Well, pull the collection." "Maybe..." "I could help?" "So, after looking at your charity work and comparing your astro-chart with lorde's," "he would like to ask you to sponsor his first collection!" "That's wonderful." "Wonderful." "And I can't believe that I finally get to see the clothes." "Yes, okay." "Tomorrow night it is." "She's officially wetting herself." "Are the clothes all ready?" "Our st." "Martin's prodigy excelled himself." "Is she really gonna cough up 100 grand for them?" "She will if we've done our job right." "And you've met her..." "Stupid and vain." "Just like the emperor." "Thank you, jackanory." "Hey, you did well today, son." "Can't possibly go wrong." "Back in a sec." "I just forgot my phone." "Oh, just as it's your round." " Outside." " Listen, Billy, I just..." "Outside." "You're not gonna screw this up for me, yeah?" " All right, man, cool it." " No." "I fit in here." "This is what I do now." "I'm not gonna let you piss all over that." "I don't want to, all right?" "Then don't mess with me, 'cause I'll fight for this." "I know, all right?" "I know." "Then what the hell are you doing here?" "I'm desperate, all right?" "*" "But I had this deal on the side." "So you were messing with gang money?" "It was supposed to be my way out of there, innit?" "Then I got screwed, and now I owe 'em 20 grand." "Why didn't you tell me that's what the money was for?" "'cause it's just like back in the day..." "Nathan screws up, Billy balls him out." "And now you're threatening me." "I'm scared, bruv." "Yeah, me too." "This new crew must really mean a lot to you." "We're tight." "A bit like we used to be, eh?" "Look..." "How long you got till you have to pay up?" "Three days." "We finish our con tomorrow, soon as my check's cleared," "I'm gonna give you my share." "You sure?" "You're the man, Bruv." "You should have told me the truth, though." "Yeah, I know." "It's not always easy being honest, though, is it?" "You ready?" "Listen, stop worrying, all right?" "She's prime rib." "We show her the clothes, she hands us a check." "Va-va-voom." "It's just too..." " It just has to go right." " It will." "Lady Bartwell." "Clarissa, I told you." "Symon, lorde, let me introduce you to my business associate," "Reece Cummings." "Business associate?" "Oh, he handles all my financial affairs." "I never make a move without him." "Good evening." "Clarissa, we really need to talk." "You know how private lorde is." "Oh, yes, and I'm still really down with all that." "But if I'm going to invest £100,000, then I need to be 100% sure, so to speak." "Are you doubting me?" "Lorde, no." "No, you won't even know that Reece is here." "Well, absolute discretion and control are paramount for lorde." "You know that's how I work." "Well, that's not how business works." "I don't want him here." " All right, we'll just..." " I don't want him here." " Please let..." " This ruins everything." "I'm so sorry." " You got to calm down." " She might be primed." "He's not." "We have to get him out." "No, then he's gonna know something's up." "He's gonna know something's up when he sees the clothes." "No, he won't know if we give him the pitch of our lives." " I can't afford to lose this money." " We won't." "Billy..." "One of the rules of working the inside, yeah," "Is you gotta be cool whatever happens." " All right?" " Yes." "Now let's go out there and sell 'em a dream." "Tonight we'll show you three key pieces from lorde's premier collection..." "A collection that'll turn the fashion world on its axis." "It's time..." "For a new religion!" "A true religion..." "Lorde!" "A designer that speaks to our souls," "Our hearts, our minds." "Celebrating the individual spirit, unfettered, unchained, uninhibited." "Flipping the finger at the greed and duplicity of the modern world." "This season, don't warm yourself by the fire." "Be the one to light it!" "I don't believe it." "Neither do I." "Oh, lorde, it's..." "It's..." "Brilliant." "What?" "It's a joke." "Oh, lorde, darling, I love it." "It is the ultimate fashion statement." "Don't you see that, Reece?" "What I see are three sacks." "His mind is caged." "Clarissa, you know my first rule of business:" "only invest when you can guarantee a return." "This is not a business." "This is art." "No, it's a joke." "I've seen enough." "Well, no, wait a minute, what about that shark guy?" "Who?" "You know, the one that bought the dead shark for $100,000." "Charles Saatchi." "That was completely different." "Yes, but he had the last laugh when he sold it for 12 million, didn't he?" "Clarissa, I'm not going to sanction such a ludicrous investment." "Let's go." "Fine, go." "Go." "We choose the investors, not the other way around." "It's just lorde thought you understood him." "He thought you understood fashion." "I do." "But she understands good business better." "Clarissa, let's go." "Maybe it is too much of a risk." "I am so sorry, boys." "How about a show?" "What?" "A few people from the industry." "When you hear their responses, you'll know you're doing the right thing." "Now we don't have to jump through hoops to prove ourselves, do we?" "Symon, I like her." "I don't want Sophia, or the other investors." "Lorde, you know we like to keep it private." "I feel, with Clarissa behind me," "I'm ready to show my entire collection." "A fashion show." "There you are, Reece." "Now, will that convince you?" "If the response is positive, then, and only then, will we invest." "But it's a pretty big "if."" "You see?" "I knew they'd convince you in the end." "I'm not convinced." "You think I'll trust the band of merry men they'll rustle up?" "What do you mean?" "I think we should send out a few invites of our own." "Derek!" "And there was me, thinking you'd slipped into a coma." "What was he thinking?" "No, I'll answer that." "He wasn't thinking." "She was out the door." "But then we should have regrouped, all right?" "We tackle it another way." "We don't offer a..." "Fashion show." "Look, it's possible." "Just a small show with a few grifters." "No no, we're going to have to present the complete collection." "I mean, three sacks aren't gonna cut it, are they?" "I told you, Billy, when you work the inside, you've got to stay cool." "Danny, go easy on him." "It's his first time." " No, it's not that." " Well, what is it then?" "Look, I..." "I just didn't wanna let you guys down, that's all." "Well, look, it's not the ideal solution, but we can pull it off if we work together." "Looks like it's showtime." "Phantom, Joseph, Evita..." "He wants new lighting rigs for the lot." "Yeah, but Andrew..." "Sorry, Lord Lloyd Webber won't commit till he's seen them all in action, so a demo will be really useful, yeah?" "Mr. Coen, Edith Scott, Daily Mail." "Mcqueen's named you the most influential fashion lecturer in the country." " Care to comment?" " He did?" "Yeah, he did." "It was bound to happen eventually." "Care to give me a couple of sound bites?" "Now, boys and girls, I want you to know" "I don't believe in conventional teaching methods." "I'm going to give you..." "Yeah, my friends all go for drummers." "I'm like, give me a roadie any time." "Drummers have got such thin sticks." "Know what I mean?" "Sound check." "Testing, one, two..." "So what are they like, the guys?" "Do you know 'em?" "Felicia, darling, you'll love it." "Right, Ash has got us a location." "We need some models." "Lose the hat, Phil." "Now the look is stylish." "All right, Mike?" "You look lovely, Jess." "Settle up with you later." "Let's do it." "I know £200 sounds steep, but it is lorde, remember." "You sure nothing will go wrong this time?" "It won't." "I promise, yeah?" "'cause that's it." "After tonight I'm finished." "Welcome, welcome." "Come in." "Enjoy, my friend, enjoy." "Welcome to the world of lorde." " Have a great time." " Richard Graydon, GQ." "Mr. Graydon." "Knowing you're taking this woman is payment enough." "Speak of the devil." "Look at you!" "Who and what...?" "Symon, I've been a bit of a naughty girl." "What do you mean?" "Who are all these people?" "Yeah, we invited a few select guests of our own." "But we agreed..." "Oh, Symon, they're all my friends, and they know everything about fashion." "They're going to love lorde." "This is way way out of order." "No, I'll speak to lorde." "He listens to me." "Baroness..." "You can't do this." "We have." "We said we'd organize the guest list." "Oh, lorde, I'm sorry." "You've ruined everything." "Lorde, remember..." "This is bad." "If you've sent out invites willy-nilly, the major fashion houses could infiltrate us..." "Versace, Dior..." "It'll all be fine." "You'll see." "Brilliant." "One fashion show, one big..." "Up." "Your ladyship, welcome." "Gentlemen, welcome." "Hello, everyone." "I know we're running a teeny bit behind schedule, but when you see what I've got to show you," "I know you'll agree it was beyond worth the wait." "Now, for the first time, I give you my discovery, the premier haute couture collection from..." " They love it." " What?" "They love it." "I can't tell you..." "They're all sitting there..." "You ought to see their faces." "I'm going to be your new sponsor." "Oh, lorde, it's amazing." "I wouldn't be surprised if they're on their feet any minute." "It's nearly time to take your bow." " Are you ready?" " Yes." "No, I can't do this." "But you have to go out there." "My clothes speak for me." "Lorde, you must." "I can't show any more tonight." "But they'll expect to see the designer at the end." "Or at least a representative of the designer." "Well..." "You put on one of my frocks, and you go." "What?" "No, I couldn't." "Could I?" "You supported me." "You understood me." "I want you to have everything you deserve." "And she's gonna get it." "This is ridiculous." "I will not stay here and be insulted by this rubbish." "This is utter poppycock." "No one's gonna wear that." "£200 this cost." "Total garbage." "She's taken our money and taken us for fools." "It's rubbish." "Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please." "Your hostess for the evening, lady Clarissa Bartwell!" "You look stupid!" "My reputation is in tatters." "Thank god I didn't invest." "Oh, but..." "You did." "You..." "To us." "And here's to Lester and Monty for the tip-off." " Monty." " Hello, Lester." "Hello, you lot." "I thought you ought to see this." "What's that?" "She seems to have sent out an awful lot of these." "The whole thing's busted." "Dog-in-the-bar..." "The perfect plan b." "Danny, we said no more dog-in-the-bar." "I know, but this is dog-in-the-bar with knobs on great gold and diamond-encrusted knobs." "If you've sent out invites willy-nilly, the major fashion houses could infiltrate us..." "Versace, Dior..." "One fashion show..." "One big..." "Up!" "Just as we planned." "Gentlemen, welcome." "How are you doing?" "So, a million pounds, and we get exclusive rights, right?" "You have those?" "Lady Bartwell and I snapped up the little genius the moment we saw the collection." "He's an extraordinary talent." "So we have a deal, huh?" "All right, we'll be waiting by the phone." "Take it easy." "I was just being foolish." "100,000?" "Okay." "Look, I'm not sure, though." "Sorry?" "As there are all these fashion people here tonight..." "They're not Clarissa." "They won't respect you like she does." "They're nasty money men." "Do you have a surname, or is it just lorde?" "I tell you what:" "you add 50k..." "I'll sign." "150,000." "Yeah." "Cash." "What?" "I don't like banks..." "Nasty money men." "Clarissa, stall the show." "Just..." "Just do it!" "Drive, Derek." "I know we're running a teeny bit behind schedule..." "Who'd have thought it?" "Danny blue with a plan B all of his very own." "I think it's going to be a long time before anyone goes to one of lady Bartwell's events again." "You want a top-up, mate?" "No, thanks." "Come on, you more than proved yourself." "We're 50 grand up 'cause of you." "You're the man of the hour, Billy." "Yeah." "Look, there's something I want to tell you..." "About me..." "And what I used to do." "Did you get it?" "There's 50 grand there." "What?" "They only wanted 20." "It's not for them." "It's for you to get out, start again." "Disappear, Nathan." "This is your chance." "So how'd you get all this?" "I had a little help from my friends." "Thanks, man." "Take care, yeah?" "Yeah, I will." "I can't believe this." "A million pounds." "Think how many charities you can help with that." "And who said cheats never prosper?" "Still ringing." "Still ringing." "Well, good day for you, mate:" "Clarissa humiliated, and we still walk away with 100 big ones." "In all fairness, that money should be donated to charity." " Hang on a sec." " Oh, come on, Danny." "We can give half to charity." " Half of it?" " Yeah, at least." " You are joking, yeah?" " No." "I've never been more serious in my life." "Come on, we agreed." "Come on, Danny." "Or we could give it to the doghouse."