"CHEEKY" " Are you italian?" " From Venice." "How did you know?" "I was married to an italian and you speak english like him." " Are you looking for a house?" " A little flat, really." "Something cheap." "For four weeks." " In which area?" " Near the Hyde Park hotel if possible." "I work there, on the reception desk." "I'm staying in a little room in the attic." " And you're not happy with it?" " No, it's fine for me." "But my boyfriend's coming in ten days for a full immersion..." " Serious relationship?" " well, kind of." "I see." "You're looking for a flat for a full sexual immersion." "If only!" "I think I'II be able to help you." "Not where you want, though." " really?" " No." " Where, then?" " Come with me." "I'II show you." "We're in chelsea and your hotel's here, in Knightsbridge." "I've got a loft overlooking the Thames, in the docklands." "It's not far from the Hyde Park hotel." "It takes no time at all on the Underground." " Where, exactly?" " Here." " Did you get an electric shock?" " No, I've just got sensitive nipples." " Lucky him." "What's his name?" " Who?" "The boy who's coming to London to see you." "Matteo." "It's a shame he's coming." "You could have stayed with me for free." "There's a Iot more room in my house now that I'm on my own." " Can I go and see it?" " Yes, but not today." "There's nobody else here." " And how much is it?" " That depends on you." "Is he a good kisser, at Ieast?" "He's not bad." "Men have no idea about what women like." "Matteo really..." "That's bollocks." "They're all the same." "They only think about themselves." "No, Moira." "please." "Why not?" "I know you Iike it." "Be honest, you little sexpot." "Do you go out with no pants in Venice?" "I'm a bit allergic..." "You're all wet like your home town." "That's enough, Moira." "Stop it." " I don't want to do it." " Liar." "See you tomorrow to go and look at the loft?" "AII right." "When?" "Ten o'cIock, here." " What's your name, by the way?" " carla Borin." "carla." "That's a nice name." "carla from Venice." "Thank you." "See you tomorrow." "These diagrams are such a drag." "Do you know what all these curves remind me of?" "tell me about it!" "What we need is a good shag to relax before the exams." "You could always have a wank." "I've already done that, my friend." "I thought about that slut GiuIia." "bloody hell, she gives me a real hard-on." "GiuIia?" "paolo's girlfriend?" "officially PaoIo's but actually everybody's." "Does PaoIo know?" "He's the only one who doesn't." "At least he pretends not to." "Be honest, Matteo, you've thought about her too." " I only think about carla." " Even when you wank?" " especially when I wank." " really?" "How do you imagine her?" "Just normal." "Naked, her on top and me underneath." "Where's your imagination?" "You could imagine her doing it doggy-styIe with an english guy." "Why with somebody else?" "When you're not having any sex..." "Sorry, but how long has carla been in London?" "A month, more or less." "You think someone can go for a month without shagging?" "You're obsessed with sex." "It's different for women." "Emotions are more important." "BoIIocks." "They're just bigger liars than us and better at faking it." "Don't you believe it." "They get wet first and then they faII in love." "Stop it." "Not all of them." "AII of them." "That's why I Iike them, because they're all whores." " hello?" " Hi, darling, it's me." "carla." "Aren't you pleased to hear from me?" "Of course I am." "really pleased." " Why are you calling?" " Because I miss you." "What is it?" "You sound strange." "It's just that I wasn't expecting you to call." " tell me about London." " lt's beautiful." "So beautiful." " What's wrong?" " Nothing." "I'm keeping in shape for you." "I'm working out on an exercise bike." "Matteo, I can't wait for you to come." "It's not long now." "Have you found a flat?" "That's why I'm calling." "I'm seeing one tomorrow by the Thames." "By the Thames?" "Won't it be expensive?" "Moira will give me preferential treatment." "Who's Moira?" "She owns the estate agency that's renting it out." " She's got a soft spot for me." " A soft spot?" "I think she's a lesbian and she wants to go to bed with me." "Go to bed with you?" "Are you crazy, Carla?" "No." "I'm just horny." " Can you hear me, Matteo?" " Yes, I can hear you." " Has she tried it on already?" " No." "But hurry up and come over." "I've had enough of being on my own." "Swear to me nothing's happened." "Matteo, you're such a bore." "You know that sex doesn't even exist for me when you're not there." "So why do you think that she wants to go to bed with you?" "well, you know how it is." "Women understand each other where certain things are concerned." " Are you telling me the truth, Carla?" " Of course I am, you idiot." "Do me a favour, darling." "Before you leave, call in at my house and get my mum to give you my pants with the butterfly on them and "The Interpretation of Dreams"." "Even though the interpretation is always sex, I'm really missing that book." " More than me?" " well, you can always be replaced." "By Moira, maybe." "Be honest." "Has anything happened between you?" "My card's running out." "Come, Matteo." "please hurry." "I need you." "Speak of the devil and horns appear." "Fuck off." "Statistics say 98 per cent of women cheat on their partner when they're on holiday." "carla's not on holiday." " Is it here?" " No." "The taxi can only come this far." "The entrance is on Riverside walk." " It's beautiful." " I'm glad you Iike it." "The bathroom's over there." "I'm sure Matteo will like it." "I wonder how much it costs." "Matteo?" "Oh, yeah, your boyfriend." "Don't worry about the price." "I'm sure we'II come to an agreement." "I'II take it, then." " I dreamt about you last night." " really?" "You were naked." "really?" "What was I doing naked?" "You were riding a mare bareback and sweating." "Freud would interpret that as sex." " I Iike you, carla." " What are you doing?" " I want you." " No, Moira." "please." " No." " Why not?" "I know you Iike it." "Don't resist me, carla." "Don't fight." "Yes!" "Make me come." "Make me come, Moira." "please." "Make me come." "Who are you?" "Good morning, Mr Borin." "It's me, Matteo." "Sorry to bother you." "I've come to pick up carla's things." "I'm going to London next week so I can take them to her." " What things?" " She said she'd told her mother." "She's not here." "Do you know what she wants?" "Yeah, more or less." "A pair of pants and a book." "Wait a minute and I'II go and see if my wife's put them out." ""The more I wank, the less I disappoint."" ""ale, I Iove you."" ""Nina is a whore."" ""The thought of you cheating on me makes me mad with jealousy."" ""And jealousy makes me crazy with desire."" "I'd go crazy if I thought you were cheating on me." "That would never happen because you'd never know." "Thinking about you with someone else makes me want to die." " Thinking about me how?" "Like this?" " Yeah, Iike this." " You'II never know about it." "Never." " Yes, I will." " Yes." " Never." "Never." "Are these the ones?" "I don't know." "There should be a butterfly on them." "There's no butterfly here." "Come up and look for them." "You could have called before you came over." "Sorry, I thought everything was ready." "Ready, my arse!" " Have a look." " Thank you." "I'II be quick." "If you need me, I'II be out there." "Here they are." "The book and the pants." ""My dear Charlotte, I can't live without you." ""I keep thinking about our happy days in Venice" ""and the blissful times that we spent together." ""I Iove you, my darling." "I Iove you." "Bernard."" "You whore!" "Have you told Matteo about the loft?" "Of course." "I called him and said I'd go and see it." "Have you told him you've been?" "Not yet." " But I'II tell him that I've rented it." " And that's all?" " What else is there to tell him?" " well, about me, for example." "Oh, yes." "I'II tell him you came with me." "Come on in, it's lovely!" "Moira." "Where are you going, Moira?" "Moira?" "So many questions." "Get out of the water and come with me." "Come and live with me." "Moira, don't you ever stop?" "Matteo will be here soon." "So?" "I'm not jealous." " Matteo is." " Dump him, then." "Forget about him." "Are you crazy?" "I Iike men." "What are you thinking?" "I'm not a..." " Lesbian?" " Yes, a lesbian." "Like you." "You hurt me." "I don't like you when you're violent." "Sorry." "I'm sorry, I didn't want to..." "Come on, Iet's go and have a massage." "You go." "The masseur's a man." "I'm here for the photos." "carla Borin." "Choose the ones you want to have printed." "They haven't all come out well." "Come here." "Put the negatives on here." " I still can't see them properly." " Try using this." "What did I tell you?" "Can you see that they haven't all come out well?" "Which ones do you think I should reject?" "The ones that are out of focus and the ones that are blurred." "You choose which ones." "I'II come by tomorrow and pick them up." " hello?" " Hi, darling..." " Who is it?" " Go away." "Nice way to treat your mother." " Can you hear me, Matteo?" " Yes, I can hear you." " Guess where l am." " In bed with the estate agent." "Idiot." "We're in the loft." "It's amazing." " So she really is in love with you." " Looks like it." " Have you got a pen?" " What for?" " To write down the address." " I don't know if I can come." " What do you mean?" " I can't come." " Have you gone mad?" " No, I've got to revise for an exam." " Can't you revise here?" " No, I can't." "Why not?" "It's really quiet in the loft." "You can do all the studying you want." " And I'm here." " exactly." " What do you mean, "exactly"?" " I was just saying it." "I don't understand you." "Don't you want to see me?" "Think what we could do after three weeks apart." "Don't insist, carla." "I said I can't and that's that." "I don't believe you." "It's a joke." "You're doing it to make me angry." " Write down the address." " I said I'm not coming." " Write it down anyway." " You don't stop, do you?" "Go on." "53, Dock Street, North East 1 5." "The phone number's 0044 64567876." " Have you written it down?" " Yes, but I'm not going to bloody use it." "Why, Matteo?" "What's happened?" "I've had enough, that's what's happened!" "Of me?" "Please don't be like that." "You're worried about your exam." "I'm worried about you." "Don't you understand?" "Understand what?" "Please tell me." "I said no." "Bye." "ArsehoIe!" "These were for you!" "Bastard!" "Go fuck yourself!" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" " darling." " You missed me, then." "It's you." " Who did you think it was?" " Nobody." "How are you?" "How are you?" "You don't sound happy." "No, it's just that I'm feeling a bit lonely with all this space around me." "I thought as much." "Do you fancy coming to a party?" " A party?" " At my house." " I don't know." "When?" " This evening." "There are lots of people." "plenty of italians too." "Well?" "AII right." "Why not?" "Where do I go?" "OK." "I'II get dressed and come straight over." "Make sure you don't put too many clothes on." "See you soon." "Bye." "ArsehoIe!" " You're here too." " I wouldn't miss the Judgment of Paris." " I wonder who will win this year." " It depends on who Paris is." "Someone said it's Moira." "That's a relief." "She understands these things." "If there was a prize for the most use, you'd definitely win." "Why do we have to show our arses?" "Because the face can deceive but the arse never lies." "Don't you know it's the mirror of the soul?" "Why is it laughing?" " What?" " That arse." "It's got dimples in its cheeks." "I think it's laughing at us." "It needs to be taught a lesson." "Yes, it needs to be punished." "You ugly arse-breaker." "Yours is sad because of all the pricks that have fucked it." "This is such fun." "I'm tempted to join in too." "Oh, no." "That would be unfair, darling." "With your arse, you'd win hands down." "Cheers." " will you introduce your friend?" " Sure, darling." "carla, one of my clients." "Mario, my arsehole of an ex-husband." "She says that because she's still in love with me." " Are you italian too?" " Yes, from Venice." "So beautiful." "I Iove Venice." "especially the women." "Watch out, carla." "Don't be deceived." "Mario bewitches women like snakes bewitch frogs." "What?" "You make me sound like a playboy." "You're worse, darling." "You're just a Latin lover." "Ignore her." "shall we dance?" "Yes, please." " Who drew that for you?" " Giotto." "I couId bite that." "Every year somebody tries to be clever, but with Moira as Paris..." "I've always wondered..." "Do you know who designs the Queen's hats?" "He's got to be a dickhead." "The scent of Venice." "I Iike women who get wet straightaway." "It's like champagne that's about to pop." "Where's the bathroom?" "Over there, at the end." "carla." "Is it true that women don't kiss you down here in england?" "They do something else instead." "What?" " They take it up here." " No." "What are you doing?" "The path of the satyr." "The road to Gomorrah or the alley of Sodom." "carla, are you in there?" "Open the door, carla." "I know you're in there." "Just a minute." "excellent choice, my dear." "A real delicacy." "I invited you because I'm in love with you, not so that you could play the whore with my ex-husband." "I don't give a toss!" "I'm not interested in you." "I Iike men." "Can't you get that into your stupid head?" "Men, not women!" "Men!" "I Iike dicks!" "calm down, carla." "What's the matter?" "Is something wrong?" "You can tell me everything." "I'm your friend." " I didn't mean to offend you." " That's got nothing to do with it." "It's Matteo's fault." "I don't understand him." "I was so happy when I called him about the loft and then the stupid idiot said he wasn't coming to London." "He was cold and unfriendly and nasty." "He even slammed the phone down on me." "Don't cry, darling." "I told you, all men are arseholes." "But Matteo wasn't like that." "Everything was going so well between us." "Here." "It's a token of my love." "It will bring you good luck." "I don't understand." "Something must have happened." "No, I understand completely and I know how you're feeling, because I've been there too." "Never trust men." "They're fickle and untrustworthy." "Listen to me, my darling." "Forget about Matteo." "tell him to fuck off, Iike I did with Mario." "Come with me." "Come on." "See, carla?" "We don't need men." "We do very well without them." "Painters, writers and architects of worldwide renown were all attracted by the lure of the Doge's court." "The profits from Venice's monopoly of the silk and spice market were invested to adorn the city with a pomp and splendour that, according to the council of Ten, would reflect the immense wealth produced by its trade." "The government of La Serenissima was focused less on conquering land and more on creating secure outposts in the commercial ports of the balkans so that they could penetrate the rich silk and spice markets of the East more easily." "We therefore have evidence to substantiate our claim that the Venetian republic's penetration into the markets of the Mediterranean..." "Does the word "penetration" derive from "penis"?" "Maybe from "prick"." "Our teacher's prick." "Look at that amazing arse." "...and Venice's political and cultural success." "We can legitimately say that La Serenissima's mercantile penetration underpinned its artistic splendour." "Pietro Aretino, for instance..." "Whore!" "cuckold!" "Matteo!" "Surprise!" " What about your exam?" " I'II sit it in September." "Do you always answer the door dressed like that?" "Have you come here to fight?" "You don't seem very pleased to see me." "No, I'm really happy." "It's just that I wasn't expecting you." "Now that I'm here, aren't you going to let me in, instead of keeping me here on the doorstep?" "Sorry." "Sure, come on in." "Who is it at this time of the morning?" "Matteo, this is Moira." "The estate agent?" "I'm late for work." "Come and look out of the window." "Look at the beautiful view." "beautiful." " I wonder how much it costs." " Moira gave me a special price." "Sure, I can imagine." "It's not what you think." "Nothing's happened between Moira and me." "So what's she doing here?" "She gave me a lift home last night." "We'd been to the theatre." "It was late so she stayed over." "Naked?" "And in your bed?" "AII right, then." "Bye, carla." "Bye, Matteo." "It was nice to meet you." "By the way, carla's told me a Iot about you." "She's told me a Iot about you too." "Have you brought "The Interpretation of Dreams" and my butterfly pants?" "I've brought you these." "What's this stuff got to do with us?" "It's got a Iot to do with us." "Am I mistaken or is this your arse?" "What the hell were you doing on the beach naked?" " Who gave them to you?" " Don't worry about that." "You tell me what happened between you and that French poof who writes, "Je t'aime, mon amour." ""Je t'aime."" "It's an old relationship." "Water under the bridge." "BoIIocks!" "If you want to stay with me, you need to be honest and tell me everything." "There's nothing to say." "really?" "Is it normal for you to have your photo taken naked?" "It's not what you think." "We went to look at the tourist facilities at the beach hotels on the Lido." "It was with the catering college." "You know what these trips are like." "On the water buses, in the kitchens, between the cabins." "We'd mess around and strike poses." "We'd get our photos taken and flirt for a laugh." "Aftrr lunch we'd go off for walks in groups." "I ended up with Bernard on the dunes on AIberoni beach." "It was September." "It was hot and there was nobody around." "We took our clothes off and dived into the sea." " Naked?" " Of course." "We didn't have any swimming costumes." "Carry on." "Stick to the point." "It was very warm for the time of year." "The sea was calm." "The sun was setting." "The water was still and inviting." "I love you, Carla." "I fancy you." "Look this way." "And then?" "And then nothing." "We got dressed." "Are you taking the piss?" "I mean it." "Nothing else happened." "It was just an innocent bit of fun." " When did it happen?" " I told you." "Last year." "Towards the end of September." " So you were already with me?" " Yes, but we hadn't been together long." "tell me the truth." "Did you make love?" " No, Matteo, I swear." " Don't swear." "well, not really." "Just a little bit." "What do you mean, a little bit?" "well, we flirted a bit." "He was turned on and kissed me." "Where?" "On your arse?" "tell me at Ieast how long your innocent flirting lasted." "A couple of months." "At Christmas, Bernard left catering college and went back to France." "Did you see each other again?" "No." "Never." "I swear." "I told you not to swear." " Did you write to each other?" " For a little while." "Just those letters you're holding." "He wanted me to go to Paris." " Why didn't you go?" " Because I'd fallen in love with you." "I wasn't interested in him any more." " please, Matteo, stop tormenting me." " The hell I will." "How could you have done it when you were with me?" "I told you, it was right at the beginning." "I didn't know I'd fall in love with you." "My relationship with you was just an affair like all the others." "please, Matteo." "Matteo, Iet's make love." "I want to feel you inside me." "What happened doesn't mean anything." "The only thing that matters is that I Iove you and I want you." "No, no." "You're just a whore!" "You did it with Bernard." "What did you do with that bastard?" "That's enough." "It's pointless." "You don't turn me on any more." "So I'm the liar, am I?" "I want to know." "How many times have you cheated on me?" "It's your last chance to be honest with me and convince me that our relationship wasn't a big mistake." "How did your affair with Bernard start?" "If you're ashamed to tell me to my face, write it in a letter with all the facts and details," "like the ones your Bernard wrote to you." "Don't worry about offending me." "Your lies and your silence offend me much more." "My darling Matteo, betrayal doesn't exist without the illusion of closeness due to one's own presumption or another's deception." "If you really need to know, don't be afraid, I'II tell you everything." "Do you remember when we went to see" ""The Key" at the Olympia cinema?" "It was the end of October and Luca and Bernard were with us..." " SandreIIi's like our oenoIogy professor." " She's beautiful, though." "Her husband's right when he says, "Under that false modesty," ""you're more of a whore than all the whores I've ever met."" "I don't understand him, trying to get his wife to cheat on him." "No, my friend, without betrayal there's no jealousy, without jealousy there's no desire and without desire there's no sex." " Isn't that right, carla?" " absolutely." "My dear Matteo, betrayal should be seen as a gift of love." "It's the magic potion that wakes up people who've been asleep for too long." "Do me a favour." "How can thinking about your woman with another man turn you on?" "Where's carla?" "carla!" "You go that way." "We'II go this way." "I was all wet." "Watching that film had turned me on." "carla!" "carla, jokes are only funny if they don't last too long." "Come on, CarIina." "tell us where you are." "That's enough, carla." "What are you playing at?" "NINA IS A WHORE" "Hi, Nina." "You're still awake." "It's the March scirocco wind." "I can't sleep." "tell me about it!" " Where's your husband?" " At the furnace." "He's on the night shift." "It must be hot there." "It's hot here too." "I'm soaking wet." " feel." " Yeah, you are." "really soaking." "It's burning me." "Touch me." " Nina, someone's there." " Be quiet, you idiot." "It's my husband." "He likes to watch." ""The thought of you cheating on me makes me mad with jealousy," ""and jealousy makes me crazy with desire."" "Yes, darling, I'II come straightaway." "You were right." "What happened doesn't matter." "What matters is that I'm crazy about you." "Matteo, I'm crazy about you too." "Look." "I did what you wanted." "I don't need it now." "Oh, darling." "Suspicion is better than the truth, aftrr all." "Your lies reveal your desire more than any confession could." "Promise that you'II always lie to me." "Yes, of course." "Whatever you want." "although I don't understand why." "I lied to you before, because I didn't want to lose you." "But why should I do it now?" "Because suspicion makes me mad with jealousy, and jealousy makes me full of desire for you." "Oh, Matteo, I Iove you." "Oh, darling." "I swear I'II always lie to you." "You're such a whore."