"Elvira, Mistress of the Dark 1:08:06 01.12.2014" "There is no English subtitles to this movie." "I try wrote it by hearing." "Left some moments I can not understand I marked it by ****." "Let's do properly subtitles." "Please write your improvements and I'll correct it." "elvira-mistress-of-the-dark@mail.ru" "There is no English subtitles to this movie." "I try wrote it by hearing." "Left some moments I can not understand I marked it by ****." "Let's do properly subtitles." "Please write your improvements and I'll correct it." "elvira-mistress-of-the-dark@mail.ru" "*** You're ugly!" "Horrible!" "Go on." "Try your intellect on me." "I'll see you in hell berth." "Help!" "Help!" " Help him." " **" " He acted like he do it." " He did." "He learned almost too late that man is a feelings creature." "And because of it the greatest thing in the Universe." "There is hope, but it has to come from man itself." " ?" "I have to going * to eat now." " Hold on." "Wait a second." "Hello darling!" "It's me again." "Yours Cruelly, Elvira." "The gal with the enormous.. ratings." "Well, that * was * our * the * show." "I hope you enjoyed watching it and *watch aside* it." "Oh, boy, I mean could you belive that, she is looking monster?" "Look like a gumby on steroids." "Well, this movie have a moral." " Where is the shrimp you *borrow* ?" " Hey, does anybody know what that movie was about?" "Er.." "I'll tell you what it was about." "It about an hour and half too long." "Ou." "And don't forget next week." "It's "The head with two things", I mean "The thing with two heads." And until then." "This is Elvira." "The gal with * back * the saing: "Unplesant dreams."" "Very nice." "Hey!" "*Would you* put me down, will you?" "***" "Is there anything that could possible shame you?" "Yeah!" "Wearing this in the public place might do it." "*** Bravo girl!" "**" "**You got the news in talent?" "**" " Elvira." " Not now, Rudy." " Wait a second, wait a second." "See, see that guy over there?" " What the *lot *bug * the 10 gallon pack?" "Yes, that ours staion's new owner." " From the edge of the sea to the end of the valley.." " You what?" "Shut up!" "Relax, relax." "This guy *is a millionaire*, OK?" "Mr. Hooter, this is Elvira." "The name's Earl, but the ladies back home call me Longhorn, maybe you can guess why." "Gee, I dont know, does it have anything to do with your breath?" "Oh, we let little ********" "Sooner I get in the saddle then better." "Sorry bud.. but looks * gonna be you and your * trust * your right hand." "Sounds like your looking to get yourself fired, little lady?" "Go ahead." "And fire me." "I need this job like a leper needs a three-way mirror!" "It just so happends I have an act opening up in Las Vegas." "Oh, terrific, you can try your act right on me." "It's milking' time!" "That's it!" "I'm walking/*/working." "I don't ***have to take this from anybody." "And as for you, you * cowboy.." " It's Hooter!" "*somebody * out there * * so much * to me and I'm gonna tired your wiener in the * ." " You said she was a nympho." " Come on, will you." "Not the baller game." "You can't quit." "What's big deal!" "As soon as mine show opens in Las Vegas I never have ** horse the ** crappie ** horrible movies again." "Is there no problems with the show, is there?" " Problem?" "Complications maybe, but never problem." " All right, * out with it* , Manny!" "OK." "The Flamingo won't ****continue ** with the show unless you come up with some money to hold finance it." " * mistery why?" "*" " $ 50,000." " $ 50,000?" "Are you nuts!" "?" "Where I *kinda* come up with that kind of money?" " Maybe it's not too late to get you job back?" " Forget it, Manny, I'll never work on * that * sleazeball again!" "* I * just* have to find another sleazeball." " A telegram to miss Elvira." " I'll take it." "Dear Elvira, as executor of the * estate* of your great-aunt, miss Morgan Talbot, I'm sorry to inform you of her * untimely* passing." "Oh, I didn't even know I had a * good *great-aunt* aunt, *I* suppose a great one." "Let me see that." "Says here all I have to do is come to Falwell, Massachusetts for the reading of the will and I pick up my inheritance!" "** Is it time *** what?" "And lastly to my enchanting niece Elvira who has unflinchingly withstood * the slings and arrows * of an imperfect world without so much as a whimper or complaint, I bequeath my entire fortune." "Let's show Elvira what exactly what she * is inherited!" "Elvira, *you are coincide* start with something that dreams *are made up.*" "A * fully * new* sailboat!" "You're going to sailaway in **sporting* Sancheyser 2 from Snark.*" "And that's not all!" "When you are tired of sailaway you drive home in this brand new Jeep Wrangler." "?" "one of this*" "And (?" "as) you'll sit down to dinner at this beautiful ten piece dining room suite from American Heritage." "*** And besides all that, money!" "**** Lots of money!" " Elvira, are you all right?" " Go ahead and call the Flamingo, Manny." "Tell them all I have the 50 grand as soon as I get back the Massachusetts." "Las Vegas, here I come!" "♪ Lori Chacko" " Once Bitten Twice Shy ♪" "♪ Hey!" "Hey!" "I've been around.. 'round 'n 'round." "♪ I broke it up 'cause you shot me down down.. yeah." "Oh, yeah." "On *board*, a sailor!" "♪ I took a ride on your winding road.." "♪ Told you some secrets I ain't ever told before.." "♪ So, if you want to meet in the half-way.." "Too damn bad." "Hey, you forgot your ax!" "♪ I said once bitten, twice shy." "♪ There's a place just down the road.." "♪ Where the little ones have fallen souls.. oh yeah." "Oh, yeah." "♪ Take me to Shanghai.." "Take me away." "♪ I need a rest from this crazy masquerade." " Do you know you were doing fifty in a twenty five miles per hour zone?" " No, but if you hum a few bars I'll fake it." "I gotta get a new joke." "This suppos(ed) cast to me a porch." "♪ Chicken fried steak" " Gary Austin ♪" "♪ ****** Chicken fried steak" "Hey!" "How about some gas?" "♪ ***** Chicken fried steak" "***" "♪ ***** Chicken fried steak" "You know, this things will kill you." "Have a nice day!" "♪ ****" "." "♪ Just like a cat on a hot tin roof.." "Feel I'm feminine." "♪ Why can't you lose her?" "Once bitten, twice shy." "♪ I said once bitten, twice shy." "." "♪ So, if you want to meet in the half-way.." "Too damn bad." "I said once bitten, twice shy." "I get back church * again. * I did my way as you know." "Well!" " Well, I never.." " Yeah, and you never will with that soup cans on your head." "Listen, young lady, I don't know who you are or where you came from, but you most certainly don't fit in this town." "Why!" "You don't even fit in that dress." "Listen, sister, if I want your opinion, I beat it out of you." "Anita, Anita." "It's the Antichrist, I tell you!" "That's the Antichrist." " Can, can someone tell me where is the garage around here?" " Yeah, yeah there is one, right up this street." "Oh!" "Well, would one of you big strong man mind give me a little push?" "Easy, easy, don't scratch the paint." " She's incredible." " *** Would not know what to touch those tits!" "They are real!" "**" "Great!" "That means I stack in this hellhole." "I mean this *great little* hellhole." "Hey, listen, is there a motel or some around here?" "Well, is the "Cozy Cot" down by widow Bishop's feed store." "Of course her son * took tha over ** care of everything pyorrhea ** after she had that ** gingivitis." "Her whole mouth, swell(?" ") up, look like she eat a box of staple." "Folks * says she got it from * kiss her old dog.* ///// He swelled his mouth, seemed to have chewing a box of tacks." "It was said that both besuquear his old dog." "Nice tits!" "*Is any home?" "* Any at home?" "Sorry, we're booked ** all of them. **" "So how it can says "Vacancy" out there?" "Look, we do have a room." "Remember the the trucker with the bad skin who check out this morning?" "Eu.." "I hope you changed the sheets." " Hi." " Is that makeup I see on your face, young lady?" "No, mam." "I mean yes, mam. *Well,* just a little.." "How many times have I told you, you too young to wear makeup." " No, mother, I don't think it harm.." " Shut up, Leslie!" "But grandma, all the other girls at school are wearing make-up." "Yeah, if all the other girls at school jump off the clif would you jump off the clif?" "What a.." "You don't have a sense that you are * born *what* you *.." "I hate to interrupt this *little* episode of "The Waltons"." "But *how* can I *get* a room." "Ok, but it's(its) cach upfront." "I know what you, *pinko*, heavy metal weirdos do to motel rooms." "I read* //They wrote//* about it in "The Star"!" "I will, I'll show the lady to her room." "Oh no, you don't!" "Hey, don't *want them *get you down?" "I *use *together* same line about makeup from the nuns at the orphanage." "Of course, I was only eight." "Erm.." "I'm Elvira." "I'm Robin." "So.." "Robin, what is there to do for fun around here, anyway?" "This town isn't real big on fun." "But there is one place to **, the bowling alley. * That gets * for a * wild* loud *on late night." "* It gets pretty wild on league night.**" "Gee, I think I can handle it." "Oh, I'm so sure." "They must *they* go realy stupid." "They're gonna kill Spiderman with plutonium?" "He's got radioactive blood." "Yeah?" "Let me see that." " Hey, man, * why did you do that for?" "*" " Shut up!" "Look at what just walk in!" " "Bloody Mary"." " No hard liquor served past eight o'clock." "Do you want a "Virgin"?" " Maybe, but, ah.." "I'll have a couple of drinks first." "Hey babe, I got some(thing) to show you." "Sorry, left my magnifying glass at home." "Hey, that's pretty good!" "Billy, no way to talk to a lady." "So, how about a blowjob?" "I bet you think *that was* pretty funny, don't you?" " I enjoyed it." " Yeah?" "Will you get enjoy this even more." " I cut you, man." " Travis." " ** ** baby*" "My name is Elvira." "But you can call me.. 'tonight'." "I'm Bob, Bob Redding." "Pleased to meet you." "Look at this mess, who, the *heckles*, gonna pay for it?" " It's allright, Patty, I'll take care the damages." " Seems to me it's all this cheap little tart's fault." "Cheap?" "*Who you called* cheap?" "What perfume you *worn*? "Catch of the day"?" "Look, honney, I don't know what hole you crawled out, but I suggest you crawl right back in if you know what good for you." "Oh, yeah, you better watch eye ** be careful of not get someone's eye out with that ** things." "We better go." "It looks like you've got some competition, Patty." "Charlie, trash does not compete with class." ".. right down the street, at "Cozy Cot."" "Oh." "So, what brought you to Falwell?" "My car." "No, really I'm came for the reading of my great-aunt Morgana's will." "Morgana Talbot?" "She is your aunt?" "Yes, *it was* a surprise to me too." "I never really know her, but I sure admire her spunk." "She never **came dinner** like* the way* everybody else in this town has." "Well, I don't wanna bore you with local politics." "Go ahead, bore me." "Ok." "We've got this town council that lives in mortal fear that somewhere, somehow, someboby in Falwell *has having *a good time." "*Bunch of real preservatives.*" " I run the movie house." " Oh, really?" "I'm in movies too!" "Have you ever shown, uh, "I married Satan?"" " No." " How about the sequel "I Married Satan 2?"" "No." "I, ah.." "I can only play G-rated movies." " Oh well, there's nothing wrong with G-rated movies, as long as there's lots of sex and violence." "I'm, hey, listen Bob, I'm only can be in town for a couple of days and I can think about anyone who I'd rather squeeze in my agenda." "Gee, that be so well." "." "Oh, Mr. Talbot, your sister was like a mother to me." "She was a mother to me too, dear." "Well, now that we've dispensed with the obligatory display of bereavement, you may begin the proceedings, Mr. Bigelow." "It was Mrs. Talbot's wish, to have all of her relatives present to reading of the will." "All of her relatives are present - me, myself, and I." "Apparently Ms. Talbot had a grand-niece, Elvira, who is also one of the beneficiaries." "That is impossible." " Well." " Who is this grand-niece?" "Hey guys!" "Sorry I'm late, but then, so is my aunt." "Hey, what she dies *for?" "* Nothing serious, I hope." "Say, nice jacket." "Who shot the couch?" "There is a bathroom around here?" "I'm telling you the toilet over the "Cozy Cot" looks like somebody's science project." "Who is this woman?" "This must be Ms Talbot's grand-niece." "Elvira, this is your grand-aunt's brother, Vincent Talbot." "She was my aunt, and you are her brother, you must be my Uncle Vinnie!" " Get this woman off of me!" " And you must be Aunty Em and Uncle Remus." "Oh!" "There is no place like home!" "There is no place like home!" "Hurry up, Bigelow, lets get on with it!" "Yeah, really, lets get go on, otherwise somebody else dies." ""This is the certified only last will and testament of the deceased Morgan Talbot."" ""To my housekeeper, Mrs. Morrissey, for years of loyalty and devotion, I leave my silver tea service and a cash allotment of $5,000."" "Hey, baby what's *you(your) *worrying* about?" "You ** out * like a ***bandits****" ""To Mr. Morrisey, my driver, I leave my automobile and a allotment of $5,000."" "Wow, *dude* 10 grand just for a **help** * old aunt ****" "Oh, I mean, dear sweet Aunt Morgana, so ***really very*** generous!" "What it says about me?" "What I get?" "What I get?" "What I get?" " "To my grand-niece Elvira.."" " Come on, ** about me, Aunt Morgana, big bucks, big bucks!" ""I bequeath * my house, my beloved poodle, Algonquin and my precious book of recipes."" "That's it?" "A house, a dog and a book?" "Please, if you will allow me to finish." ""And finally, to my dear brother, Vincent, I leave the rest of my estate and holdings, which *stare* is none."" "Where's the cash?" "Where is the furniture?" "Where is Bob Ubanks?" "He was not mention." "I *don't** get it me *, boss." "What's so important about a *damn* recipe book?" "That damn recipe book content more power than your **fi*vie** little mind can ever imagine." "And it rightfully belongs to me." "I must have that book." "Great!" "*just* I need a house." "And a house in Falwell, *like* I need a padded bra." "I can not live here." "I would go crazy!" "I tell you!" " Crazy!" " May I if you a ride?" " Fuzz off, creep, I'm not in the mood!" "Oh, it's you, Uncle Vinnie!" " Yes!" "Uncle Vinnie.." "I must apologize for my behavior in the office, it's just that your appearance was a bit of a shock to me." "It's OK." "My appearance is kind of a shock to everybody." "Yes, well, as you * may assumes, * my sister and I, well.." "let's just say we had a differences." "Yeah, I guess, you really got shafted." "Look, I *tell you what, *uncle Vinnie, err.." "I'll share my inheritance with you." "You can have the dog." "No!" "Thank you!" "But I would be interested in requiring that recipe book." "You know, *for the* sentimental reasons." "I be willing to pay you." "Say, fifty dollars." "Yeah!" "Sure!" "I'll do it for fifty buсks." "Vinnie, you got yourself that cookbook." "The lawyer guys take me over the house, so you can pick up it later." "Fine." "I'll see you there." "Oh, don't forget to bring a cash." "Drive!" "*If wanna those **barrels** should have *** Oh, we're here!" "Hey, this place ain't *have* bad!" "*But* you can get a *abound* for it." "Yes, you could, but your house is over there." "Oh, Mr. Talbot, I just wanted to thank you for that generous donation you make to the Morality Club." " You're quite welcome." " You know, as I always say, morality *are* cheap." "And speaking of cheap, a little birdy told me that that Elvira, woman is a related to you." "* Now, **Not any say**any of my business, but then, of course, everything, yes." "Believe me, I'm so anxious to get rid of her as you are." "Oh, good!" "You know, because someone like that comes to town, the next thing, you know, the're tiching sex education in the schools, *and* passing out condoms to *kindergartens*." "You remember when those ***.." "She won't to be with us very long." "*Yeah, well I know, I need it somewere Chastity Pariah can do, well, I know.*" "Careful!" "Some of the boards to loose." " What a dump!" " **/* I 'm not that say, but **/** a house needs a little something." "Yeah!" "Like a wrecking ball." " I think Algonquin likes you." " ** **, go on, go takes * some in the little stretch." "I can't stand a little dogs." "Boy, if my aunt was not dead, I'll kill her." "Sorry, Aunt Morgana, just kidding." "Here is the rest of her inheritance." "Your great aunt's recipe book." "Oh, yeah, some inheritance." "Well, at least I'm get'g 50 bucks for it." "Say, how much you think I can get for this place?" "Well, if * not the house in *disrepair* it is in the prime location * I've don't you decay* you could get.. 70 thousand." " 70 grand?" " Maybe more, if you were fixed up." "Would you be interested in selling?" "*** Of course I'm interested!" "Now, what am I can to do with you?" "That's we like it, Algonquin?" "Algonquin, what a sissy name!" "*Let's see* will I call you?" "I know, Gonk." "Hey, you like that?" "Yeah, hold your horses." "Hi, Uncle Vinnie, you're here for the book, right?" "Come on in." "Oh, can I make you cup of tea or something?" " I wouldn't wanna produce to any trouble." " Good point." "I can't stay very long, anyway." " Say, you don't wanna buy a house, would you?" " I'm afraid not." " I'll sell *at* you really cheap." " No, thank you." "Vinnie, they don't make houses like this anymore, I mean." "Look at the details." "Look, look at the craftsmanship!" "How would you pay for a house like this?" "Don't answer, because you not only get the house, if you act right now you also get this beautiful furniture." "Now would you pay?" "I tell you it's a jewel box." "It's a gem, love hatch for two." "I'd bend over backwards *to* make a deal, I'd bend over forwards. *******" "No!" "Just the book!" "OK." "If you *wanna* get crab ******" "How (it's) weird." "I wanna swear (swore) the book was just on the table." " You promised me that book!" "**" " Hey, don't get you pennies not bunch.* Didn't it's walk away." "You sure * will turn out.**" "Yes!" "Of course, you will." "Forgive me." "Thinks it's a pitbull." "*Luckily I will *not be for very long. *The neighbors never get asleep.*" "About time, Doofus." "Did you bring a camera?" " I look like an idiot?" " You really want me to answer that?" "Shut up, you guys!" "*She can hear us.*" "Mirror, mirror, on the wall who is the most **up dead* gorgeous one of all?" "Oh, * you're saying me that.*" " Crap." " What do you see?" "What do you see?" " Wait a minute." "I can't see." "Wow!" "Let me see." "Awesome." "I get it." "Bo!" "Bo!" "* Haven't you, boys got something else ***" "We heard you * help you ** place." "*We wanted to see the condition of the house to help repair it.*" "That's very thoughtful, but mind you come back when lights better." "Good night!" " You blow it." " Did you see ***/pair of tits?" "*" "I got it!" " Great." " All right." "Elvira!" "Elvira!" "Elvira!" "Elvira!" "Out, out!" "Out, out!" " Hi, Elvira!" "" " Hi." " Oh!" "Hi, you're here!" "Richard's folks run in a hardware store." "And we got a lots of paint." "Oh, gee, too bad ** they don't on the** a bank." "I'll be right down." "Let's do it!" "Elvira, we got a ** more volunteers." "Great!" "Just grab a tools and start banging!" " Hi, Elvira!" " Hi, Robin!" "Come on in!" "Randy, give me *hand * that rag!" "Randy!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure." "Young lady!" "Robin Meeker, what **** you doing here?" "****" " Robin!" " I'm gona find out about this, young lady!" "Robin!" "Lemonade!" "It's fabulous!" "I tell you, I nearly died." "There* she was *** around in clothes that couldn't keep a chip mouse dry in a drizzle." "I mean it was next to nothing!" " I'd say it was next to planet." " *** half the teenagers in town riding around *to* that jungle music." "And this morning on my regularly tour of the boys lavatory I confiscated this!" "I'll be making the announcement this afternoon." "*Handforth,* all students will be subject to immediate expulsion if there are found in the company of that floozy!" "Please, I don't think we need to resort the name calling." "I think what Calvin is trying to say is that this Elvira is a person of easy virtue, a purveyor of pulchritude, one moment Sodom and Gomorrah, if you will." "A slimy slithering succubus, a concubine, a street walker, a tramp, a slut, a cheap whore!" "She'll be nothing but a bad dream just as soon as she sells that property." "An open house is already planned on tomorrow." "But what if she decides not to sell?" "What if she decides to settle here?" "Well, if she is morally unfit, then we have every right to do anything we can to get her out of this town." "Are we agree?" " Absolutely." " Maybe we're not being entirely objective about she.." " Shut up, Leslie!" "And it's unanimous." "Harold Glotter, Falwell real estate." "*I just hope * you got a buyer. ** look you**" "Do not worry," "I have some wealthy investors friends who buy this house in a minute." "That is.. if you play your cards right." "O!" "Honey, I do anything to get rid of this rat trap." "That's what I like a motivated seller." "So the matter of technic." "First of *all*us*, let's try and set a proper mood." "Oh, good idea!" "I know, less they see, the better." "Then, *the **better getting close to the buyer." "Tell them all *** the potential appreciation *** every lock ***" "Slowly, unveil everything from the balcony to the basement," "Then, when you *** his ready to burst you ******" "You'll be sorry!" "You'll never sell this place without me!" "Just because this house is up for grabs, doesn't mean I am!" "*Get this dog off!" "*" "." "Get out of here!" "Calm down, Manny, she says." "I've got the Flamingo breathing down my neck to **of the ** to hold that showroom, and you're telling me to calm down?" "I told you, I come up for the money." "Heck, I was just.. six inches from the selling this house today." "Look, kid, you better get that money here pronto, or you're thru." "Do you hear me?" "The only showroom you'll see in Vegas, is ** your auto is in it**" "♪ Town Without Pity" " Washington ♪" "And now I **attention*ed ** she is out looking for a job?" "♪ When you're young and so and love as we and bewildered by the world we see" "♪ How can people hurt us so only those in love would know what a town without pity can do" "♪ If we stop to gaze upon a star people talk about how bad we are" "There is no book upstairs, but *it's *** ." "Try one." "It's edible. (eatable)" "Now, keep looking!" "Excuses, excuses!" " We turned the place inside out." " Yes, and tell'm abuot the dog." "Must be the size of a ** buffalo." " Quiet!" "Now, listen to me very carefully!" "I want you to go to court house, and remove all the records of the town ordinances and bring them back to me." "Do you understand?" " Yeah. " " Yeah." " And get out!" "Не ***" "♪ how can anything survive when these little minds tear you in two what a town without pity can do" "Oh my gosh!" "Elvira, I'm sorry, are you alright?" " Yeah, I think so." " How's your head?" " I haven't had any complaints yet." "Excuse me?" "Oh, I, I think I'll live." "Believe me, it's not the worst thing that happened to me today." "I *mean* every place the town and no one * give me a job." "It's.." "like, it's a conspiracy or something." "You know what your problem is?" "Chastity Pariah." "Oh." "I thought that cleared up." "No!" "Chastity Pariah, she is old biddy." "She's got the whole town turn against you." "Oh, swell!" "So now no one will hire me." "I'm flat, busted." "No, I mean I'm brok." "I'd hire you if I could, but I'm barely make enough money staying business as it is." "* Not surprise." "I mean who wants to pay to see some ** making duck **?" "And, beside it, Bob, your extra "e" in "matinee."" " No, I don't." "It's how it spell it." "A!" "Bob, I'm in showbizness." "I think I know how to spell "matinee."" "Как трахаться!" "Oh Bob, how can I ever repay you?" "You.." "let me try." "That witch!" "I guess I very go back to work." "The matinee is gonna start soon." "Oh yeah, I can see the crowds lining up now." "Bobbie, baby, you are gonna go broke show *and* turkeys like this." " You gotta a better idea?" " It just so happens that I have some of the classics films of all time in the trunk of my car." "As a matter of fact.." "He who holds the book of sight, when the moon is drained of all its light, will then be ruler of the night," "Master of the Dark." "The Lunar eclipse, Morgana!" "It's less than a week away." "When the moon is drained of all its light.." "There is nothing you can do!" "You're dead and I not!" "Ou!" "There you are!" "I've been looking at all over for you, guys." "You are not get to believe the good news." "Yours truly *as houses of/in* a special midnight screening at Bob's *theater* of one of the worst movies ever made." "I mean, it is bad." "You know, like bad as in:" ""Bad, like I'm bad, Jamal, you know it.."" "Hey!" "What is this, "Invasion of the **"?" "Two days ago, we was ** buddies." " It's the Principal." " **Hey, what you turn *around** the principal, friends *gonna* stick together." " No." "I mean the Principal Mr. Cobb." " He kill as if we *want* to your show." "Not to mention our parents.." " Kill your parents too?" "No, our parents will never let us stay out there late." "Ou." "I see." "Well, last thing I ever do is get you, guys, to any trouble." "I mean, so ** if it blows my only chance to make a living?" "I know, it's not your problem." "And if I.. get so depressed, *** myself in the oven?" "Hey!" "**" "And if they ever ask about me, tell them I was more than just a great set of boobs." "I was also an incredible pair of legs." "And tell them.. tell them that I never turned down a friend." "I.. never turned down a stranger for that matter." "And tell them.. tell them that when all is said and done, I only ask that people remember me by two simple words." "Any two, as long as they're simple." "If we all decide to help Elvira, what can Cobb do?" " He can expel us all." " I do not know about rest of you, but I'll be there." " Me to." " Count on me." "I am sorry, Elvira." "We all come to your show." "Great!" "*When* the clock sharp*, be there, or be square." " Oh, *that* looks great!" " You really like it?" " Yeah." " Elvira, where you want this?" " Oh, just right up there." " Okay." " What's the bucket for?" " I tell you." "Ou, it's so cool." "This is the part **that I ripped from**.." "I mean is was in inspired by "Flashdance"." "I rich up, I pull this rope, and my entire body is covered in gold glitter." "Could you die?" " All right!" "OK, I'm telling you, it's a guarantee of standing ovation." "Name?" "** pureed.** Don't worrying, they're Italian. **They will make** a great marinara sauce.*" "Robin?" "Is that you?" "**Now the tomatoes chasing heroin." "I can not look.**" "Boy, this ending is so bad the tomatoes **start ** ** rotten people *on the* screen." "*Stop it!" "Nobody* move because the best is yet to come." "Ladies and dobermans, it's time for the grand finale!" "♪ MANIAC" " Michael Sembello ♪" "♪ Just a still town girl on a saturday night, lookin' for the fight of her life" "♪ In the real-time world no one sees her at all, they all say she's crazy" "♪ Locking rhythms to the beat of her heart, changing woman into life" "♪ She has danced into the danger zone, when a dancer becomes a dance" "♪ It can cut you like a knife, if the gift becomes the fire" "♪ On a wire between will and what will be" "♪ She's a maniac, maniac on the floor" "♪ And she's dancing like she's never danced before" "Patty!" "* I never been so humiliated in my entire life!" "Ehen.." "Just wait until I get my hands on that Patty" "I'm gonna rip every single bleach blonde hair out of her scalp gouge out her eyeballs, then use her head for a bowling ball!" "I solemnly **swear I will ** not get away with it!" "That **barf leg Chastity *, was not let me get a job...**" "That ***sleazeball lecherous slithering ** of the high school principal turn on all over kids against me." "And that pinch sniff from real estate who *** commission in the *sack*" "I get evil with evryone of man and woman *** the last thing to do!" " Whats that perfume your wearing?" " Supper Unleaded." "Don't smoke!" "Well, cheers to my big opening!" "I mean.. forget it." " Don't you, kids, think **it's passed** to bed time?" " Au, heck no matter.. ouch." "It is getting off *we* late.." "Yeah." "We better be going." "Yep." "Well, see you, dudes, tomorrow." "Ouch." "Is it damn recipe book?" "How can it here?" " They reminds me I'm starving." " Me too." "Let's go get something eat." "There's a all night open *trackstar * Bugstar* by the interstate." "No, no, no, no, Bob." "I have get a better idea." "Why don't you use that table, while I see what I can ** up in the kitchen." "My aunt sure a lousy penmanship." "That weird of word on this staff." "It seems it was written in somehow foreign language or something." "Hey, wait, look at this, "Adraka Kazorol"." "Kazorol.." "Oh, casserole!" "That sounds good." "Ok." "Let's see what it say here. "One edrazeba."" "Wonder where she keeps edrazeba around here." "Wow!" "This is some spice rack." "Here it is!" "Edrazeba." "One edrazeba." "OK!" "One half "folemgra."" "Ugh!" "*This* folemgra were bad. ** It says it good uttill **the next year.*" "What the heck!" "I get care * stomach." "Okay, then, let's see." "Two to three "guletra", guletra." "One "kuderox."" "It does not smell so bad, but it looks like *kaka doodoo*." "There!" "That's much better." "It's soup!" " Uhh.. smells great." "What is it?" " Ou, it's just a little something I.. conjure up." " Ou, allow me." " Thank you ever so." "Well, I hope you're hungry. 'Cause here's the dinner." "Switch, Bob, switch!" "First time I was ***aperitive* for the main course." " Where'd you learn how to cook?" " I did not, just followed *that recipe from *my aunt's.." "Gonk, what you doing?" "Give me that coocbook." "Gonk, Gonk, Gonk, get back here right now or you're grounded for a one week." "Gonk!" "Gonk, come here!" "Deja vu." "Gonk, Gonk, you're in here?" "Gonk, you are very bad bad dog." "Yuk!" "He ** slaver over it.**" "Now what do you want?" " I think he wants to open the trunk." " Why don't he just say so?" "Wow!" "Look at whole this cool junk!" "This could be you, Gonk." "** I think I used go out with this guy." "Hey!" "You look at this!" " Think its for me?" " Go ahead, open it." "You open it." "Dearest Elvira!" "For all these years" "I protected you from the truth, but the time has now come when your only protection is the truth." "Say what?" "Let me see this." "Your mother, Devana, was an extraordinary woman." "She was the true Mistress of the Dark." "But her power did not go unchallenged." "For three hundred years your Great Uncle Vincent *conjure *ed* her dominion." "Three hundred!" "God!" "I hope I'll look that *when I'm that old.*" "He would've destroyed you as he did her, if I had not sent you away." "I've left you with all the power you would need to protect to yourself." "And entrusted you to my loyal familiar." " What's said about familiar?" " Bob, have not you ever seen the old Roger Corman movies?" "Every witch has *one err..* like a, like a pet, that can change to almost anything." "Where was I?" "Ou, yeah." "But it wasn't you alone that I sought to protect, it was the book that contain your mother's magic." "Our enemy is a formidable one." "Protect the book, Elvira, and above all keep it from Vincent when the moon falls under the Earth's shadow." "Remember, you carry the power with you." "Your loving aunt, Morgana." "** macabre!" "I mean, like, I knew I was different, but I *** quite that different." "God!" "No wonder Vinnie had ** attack when I couldn't find the book." "Yeah, and you heard what your aunt said." "He can't get his hands on it." "No way he is get it now." "* here I am knocking myself out to make a living as a horror hostess when I'm actually descended form *like* a major metaphysical celebrity." "Oh." "All I have to do is just find the right spell and I can make the money I need for Vegas." "I mean really make the money." " I don't think you should go * ** with that book again." " Bobbie, here it is "Selzba Riki Moola"" "This exactly what I need, lots a moola." "Okay, Okay." "Selzba Riki Moola Sheen." "Hey, Elvira, I, I don't think..." "Pasera Floctum Kezrah Flome." "It's, it's working, Bob!" "It's, it's working!" "Bob, are you still here?" " Right here!" "What is this?" "Oh." "Why, Bob!" "You know, Bob, I may be wrong, but I think *that might* be a love spell." " Really?" " Oh, Bob!" "Bob!" "Hold me, Bob!" "Hold me!" ".Falwell morality Club Annual Picnic" "Up!" " Chastity, the picnic *has a* great success!" " Yes, I think it something we can *all be * proud me for*." "* Come to the table!" "*" "Ugh.." "Yeah!" "You, children, you're acting like wild animals." "Get to the end of the line now!" "Oh, looks so good!" "I can't remember when I've been * so * hungry." "Ou, Melody, I see you bake your famous Tic-Tac pie." "Bob, what you're doing here?" "You scared *the hell out of me!" "*" " What's going on?" " Let's just say.." "I'm.. settling the score." " Oh, no!" " * Why no?" "This's a potluck. */* Well, it is a pot luck.*" "Can believe me, when they open that pot they're gonna need all the luck they can get." " Ou, ** believe I have not tried ** this." " Revenge is better that Christmas." "I don't get it, what happened?" "Look's like some *sort* of casserole." "* This is marvelous!" "I must get this receipt." "*Oh, shit!" "* I must screwed it up when I substituted the folemgra with some * of **." "O, yes." "Thank you for my drink." "Yeah!" "Ou!" "I feel a little *lot.*" "Suddenly it's wery warm." "♪ I Put A Spell On You" " Jay Hawkins ♪" "♪ I put a spell on you, because you're mine" "Remind you anything?" "*And this reminds* you of anything?" "** Give me that!" "It's mine!" "**" "O, boy am I a horn dog?" "Excuse me, is this face taken?" "Come on, *, let's Boogie!" "Move!" "Move!" "That's an interesting dish." "Where did you learn how to make it?" "Oh, it's just a old family recipe." "All right, I'll give you a five hundred dollars for the book." "Well, I look like I just fell off a ***?" "The deal's off, uncle." "You think you're pretty clever, don't you?" "Well, mark my words, I'll get you and your little dog, too." "Help!" "No!" "No!" "Oh, you again?" "You always wear the same dress?" " No." "Sometimes I like wear some low cut and sexy." "Well, I guess in your business you're paid for advertise." "*Come here,* Bob, let me show how a real woman does it!" "Excuse me!" "You all saw it!" "He attacked me in broad daylight and he had his way with me!" "Me?" "!" "I barely got away with my live." "You could have worn out a mechanical bull." "You not gonna get away with it, you sex adult maniac!" "I demand that the council remove this pervert." "I never laid a hand on those sheep, so help me." "Calvin was the one who *was ** everybody with apple butter." "I was just an innocent on-licker." "Silence!" "Don't you see?" "You're playing right into her hands." "It's Elvira who is responsible for all this." "Of course, I should have known that she was that little harlot." "*Yeah, ride her * right out of town on a big fat rail." "She might enjoy that too much." "There is a much more satisfactory solution." "We can have her arrested." " Arrested, on what charges?" "It's so happens that there is a law on that book that dates back to the Salem trials, it's specifically prohibit and I quote:" ""Any town's person from practicing the ancient arts of spell casting, demonology, alchemy and conjuration."" "The charge, my fellow council members, is witchcraft." " Let me out of here!" "Let me out of here!" " Stop *screaming* there!" "Hey, I've seen the People's Court." "I'm entitled to one phone call and a strip search." "Well, there is a pay phone right across the street." "What's the matter?" "You forget where you put your broom?" "Listen, fatso, if I had a broom, I know exactly where I put it." "Oh, this is swell!" "I can just hear Manny now." ""Hello, Vegas!" "We get slight crimp on the plans for the show. 'Course star was burnt at the stake."" "Elvira, great news." "I get to the best lawyer in the county." "He'll be here first sing */sign* in the morning." "Bob, in the morning?" "First sing */sign* in the morning I'll be able to fit in the ashtray." "You gotta get me outta here!" "But how?" "The book!" "It's my only chance." "Quick, went to the house and get it!" " OK." " Ou, Bob, wait!" " What?" "I hid it under the floor board in the living room." " OK." " *Bob!" "*" " What?" "Hurry!" "Move!" "Now!" "What do you whining about?" "I know *I'm getting* barbecue." "Sorry." "It's mine!" "The power is mine!" "Gonk, *which does not give you a panic attack!" "*" "Wow!" "I *think I took * too much acid in the '60s." "***** Elvira!" "Elvira!" "Elvira!" "Elvira!" "Elvira!" "Elvira!" " Thank goodness, Padre!" " I am here to save you, my child." "At last, someone* to talk some sense to *these people." "Lord, save this *raptured* creature's soul even ** creamy white flesh will burn and ***" "Well, isn't that convenient!" "Thanks for trying, you guys!" "Elvira!" "Gonk, is that you, boy?" "Good work, Gonk!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" " Do you * smoke?" " Guess we'll find out soon enough." "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Oh, no!" "*You will believe* this!" "**I left the oven on!" "Be right back.**" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" " Any last words?" " Just one:" "Help!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Hold it!" "Hold it now!" "Quiet." "Quiet!" "And now, by the power vested in me by the sovereign state of Massachusetts," "I do hereby pronounce sentence on Elvira, the prisoner." "Death by fire!" " Hold it, sheriff!" "What you're doing is wrong." " Patty!" "It all catch faster, if you light it in several places." "Patty, no!" "We have *** this every year." " Burn in hell, witch!" " Patty!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Burn the witch!" "Bye, kids!" "It *meant *swell!" "Just send my ashes to Las Vegas!" "Let me through!" "Elvira!" " Bob!" " Hi, Bob." " Patty, you're not a very nice person!" "Gonk?" "Remember, you carry the power with you." "The ring!" "Are you alright?" "Look, the Lunar eclipse!" "Remember?" "Your aunt's letter?" "When the moon falls under the Earth shadow.." " Yeah, so?" " Vincent's got the book." "Elvira!" "Elvira!" "Oh, you tricky little devil!" "Vincent, remember us?" "We are on your side." "Swine!" "Stay back!" "Attack him, Gonk!" "Don't make me use this!" "The amulet could not protect your mother and it won't save you!" "Kaldozar ipsole." "*Do you wanna play* rough thing?" "* Well, take this!" "You can not escape me, daughter of Devana!" "I shall destroy you as I did her!" "You're looking for me?" "Did you think you could stop with your toys?" "No, but I think it would be worth a shot." "Look!" "Cosa!" "Terra!" "Obtan!" "Sure, it easy for you to say." "* That hurts!" "Now, baby." "We have a little unfinished business." "Yeah, well, I think we could do business.." "Yeah, sure, I can do to you.." "Uh.." "I'm cool, bro.. no, what it is.." "What is that?" "..***" "I'll show you what.." "I am a Master of The Dark!" "I'll see you in hell *berth!" "*" "And now, Elvira, you'll die!" "Remember, you carry the power with you!" "So, what did the insurance(t) guy say?" "My policy does not cover *ancient*/*accident* demons." "Well at least you still got the ring." "Yeah, but the only thing I *get* to do anymore is look cheap." "Gosh, Elvira, I'm sorry. *I know you hate your heart some play in Las Vegas.*" "I'm just not the kind of girl whose dreams come true." "I do better a nightmares." " I wish I ** something I can do." " Oh, do not worry about me, Bob, I'm like a fake fruit, *** easy." "Hey, Bob, they comes to lynch *me.* Take it easy, take it easy, I'm living." "We don't want you to go." "This is our way of saying we were wrong about you and we're sorry." "Elvira, you're the best thing that ever happened to our town." "You touch a part of my son that, that nobody's ever touched before." "How I wish.." "As long as you in Falwell, you will always have a free room at the "Cozy Cot."" " Wait, just a minute, Leslie!" " Shut up, you old bag!" " *Finally, I got it runnuing.*" " Great!" "** At least *now I have* a place to live." "But I still* have no way to *pay for it." " Do not worry, we *work out* something." "Elvira, I'm sorry that I set you on fire and everything and.." "I hope there no heart fillings." "Do not worry, she is bigger than that." "Yeah, a lot bigger." "Elvira, I've got some an important papers that you gonna have to sign." "But your uncle gone you're the only heir to his estate." " I am?" " *********." " Las Vegas!" " Elvira, that's fantastic!" "Las Vegas!" "Las Vegas!" "Las Vegas!" "Ladies and gentlemen, The Flamingo Hotel is proud to present The Mistress of The Dark, Elvira!" "♪ I've always dreamed of doing this." "♪ And now I've got my chance." "♪ So excuse me while I * touch myself" "♪ in a little song and dance!" "♪ You looking for trouble." "♪ Here I am" "♪ And if you wanna set double" "♪ Here I am" "♪ ************" "♪ That dreams really do come true." "♪ Here I am" "♪ ** Heart attack**" "♪ ***" "♪ I'm gonna do myself" "♪ ******" "For me?" "Unplesant dreams." "There is no English subtitles to this movie." "I try wrote it by hearing." "Left some moments I can not understand I marked it by ****." "Let's do properly subtitles." "Please write your improvements and I'll correct it." "elvira-mistress-of-the-dark@mail.ru" "."