"% % May the best man win% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % Way out West, a rich, old man had two such different sons% %" "% % Eli spoke with Bible raised, and Billy spoke with guns% %" "% % Daddy Bloodshy left a will, and Eli said, 'That's fair'% %" "% % But Billy said, 'No, let's fight it out% %" "% % So I can get your share'% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % The mayor said, 'Folks, let's work it out% %" "% % by setting up a race'% %" "% % And everyone said, 'Poor preacher man% %" "% % He'll fall right on his face'% %" "% % Eli was a city boy, and Billy knew the land% %" "% % 'Please don't go, ' the schoolmarms begged% %" "% % But Eli took a stand% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % When they meet% %" "% % It'll be like hot lead and cold feet% %" "% % When they meet% %" "% % It'll be like hot lead and cold feet on that street% %" "% % It'll be like hot lead and cold feet% %" "% % Hot lead and cold feet, hot lead and cold feet% %" "% % Hot lead and cold feet, hot lead and cold feet% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % Daddy Bloodshy left a will, and Eli said, 'That's fair'% %" "% % But Billy said, 'No, let's fight it out% %" "% % So I can get your share'% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % May the best man win% %" "% % When they meet% %" "% % It'll be like hot lead and cold feet% %" "% % When they meet% %" "% % It'll be like hot lead and cold feet on that street% %" "% % It'll be like hot lead and cold feet% %" "% % Hot lead and cold feet, hot lead and cold feet% %" "% % Hot lead and cold feet% %" "% % Hot lead and cold fe-e-e-et% %" "No man should have to face mornin' or old man Bloodshy sober." "That's a good idea." "Why don't you wait here, and I'll go and get us a drink?" "It'd been better if I'd thought of it five minutes ago." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Whoa." "Whoa, there." "We are here, sir." "Here, I'll give you a hand." "You do, and you'll get my foot, you jailhouse jellyfish." "Mind the wind, sir." "And mind your business, Mansfield." "Great glory." "Take a look at that sight, will ya?" "Mine." "Bloodshy territory as far as the eye can see." "The doctors are quite concerned." "How much time does he have?" "According to the doctors, if he doesn't take care of himself, it will be soon." "How much time if he does take care of himself?" "They give me at least two days." "And that's why we're here." "To get a last look at what I'm leaving to my heirs." "Heirs?" "The land, the town, the money." "When you say 'heirs,' you do mean your son Wild Billy, don't ya?" "When I say 'heirs,' I mean just that." "I found my other boy." "Many years ago, I grew a might too wild for my bride's highfalutin ways." "So one day, she up and ran off back to England, taking half my sons." "Half?" "You mean you got two boys?" "Traced him to Philadelphia." "This town needs another Wild Billy like it needs an earthquake." "You eat them words afore I pound your face into a flapjack." "We better write a new will so everything's fair." "You can stick your quill back in the goose." "I already writ out my will." "And you ain't gettin' it until I'm ready to go." "But a new will?" "Mansfield, what do you know about this?" "Absolutely nothing, sir." "I never heard of it." "What are we gonna do?" "Will you wait a minute while I think about this?" "There's gotta be an answer." "Whoa!" " Bloodshy!" " Bloodshy!" "2, 3, 4." "% % Oh, something good is bound to happen% %" "% % When love is in your heart% %" "% % For love and human kindness% %" "% % Is where good things always start% %" "% % There's goodness in your neighbors% %" "% % There's goodness close at hand% %" "% % Oh, let's spread love and goodness% %" "% % Over all this blessed land% %" "% % Blessed land% %" "% % Blessed land% %" "% % Over all this blessed land% %" "Everybody!" "% % Something good is bound to happen% %" "% % When love is in your heart% %" "% % For love and human kindness% %" "% % Is where good things always start% %" "% % There's goodness in your neighbors% %" "% % There's goodness close at hand% %" "% % Oh, let's spread love and goodness% %" "Stop that racket!" "Let's get outta here!" "These vegetables tell me something." " We've got their attention." " Get outta here!" "Those guys over on 10th Street were listening a lot better." "They were throwing rocks." "Eli, is that you?" "Oh, Father Joshua." "I'm sorry to bother you during your work, but I have a very important letter for you." "It's marked 'special delivery' and 'urgent.'" "And look at that postmark." "Arizona territory." "That's way out West." "That's curious." "Good shot, Harry." "I didn't know my father." "I didn't even know I had a father." "Now I've found and lost him all in one letter." "I guess you're an orphan, Brother Eli, like us." "At least he's a rich one." "Only when we are giving, Brother Marcus." "Of course, that's what you meant to say." "Oh, sure." "How rich are you gonna be?" "Well, it appears that there is a considerable inheritance." "It mentions land and there is a town, and it says, 'A considerable amount of money.'" "Ha ha ha." "Imagine the good work we could do with that kind of wealth." "I guess you'll be out there a long time." "Just long enough to claim my inheritance, and then we'll be back." "You mean we're going with you?" "Brother Demetrius says it might help your education." "Yahoo!" "Out with the cowboys and the guns and the shoot-outs!" "No, Brother Marcus, not in my father's town, no." "Remember, whosoever seeks peace and love shall find it." "If you have more dreaming to do, do it with your eyes shut." "We've got a long journey tomorrow." "God bless." " God bless." " God bless." "1, 2!" "Whoo-hoo!" "You have a go at me now, Sam." "Oh, thank you, Billy." "Thank you." "Hold it!" "Easy, Billy." "We know you're grieving'." " We ain't lookin' for trouble." " Well, you found it." "Next time, it won't be your hardware." "It'll be your head." "Aw, quit shaking', Doc!" "You made me miss." "I'm sorry, Billy." "I'm sorry." "Set 'em up again, Red Dog." "What's up, Ragsdale?" "I'd like a little privacy." "You, come inside." "Wonder what he's gonna do when he finds out he's got a brother." "Don't worry about a brother that ain't gonna show up." "How's that?" "Boys, you got a job to do." "Marcus, look." "Something's coming." "Yeah." "It's a stagecoach." "The kind that gets held up." "I hope not." "Don't worry." "That's why the armory is riding shotgun." "Eli, the stagecoach is here!" "Yah!" "Yah!" "Go on!" "Get goin', now!" "Yah!" "Yah!" "Hah!" "Come on, now!" "Whoa!" "Hey, you, there." "Shake a leg." "We ain't got all day, you..." "You can take as long as you want, Billy." "Just say the word, and you got all day." "I beg your pardon?" "You ain't gonna get a quarrel outta us." "See?" "He dropped his gun." "Does this stagecoach go to Bloodshy, please?" "You bet your sweet life it does." "Anyplace you say." "Bloodshy, Carson City, Timbuktu." "You name it, and that's where we're goin'." "We got nothin' but time." "There ain't no passengers to bother ya." "I'd be obliged if you could store that for me, please." "Okay." "Thank you." "And that one." "I'll be back in a jiffy." "You just take your time." "Wild Billy's talkin' peculiar, ain't he?" "Probably liquored up from grieving'." "Should we make a run for it?" "I don't know." "He probably got 'em hid under that coat." "Right, driver." "We're all in now." "Yes, sir." "Hooo!" "Ho!" "Let's go!" "Yah!" "Yah!" "Come on, now!" "People sure seem polite around here." "They even call you by your first name." "Even if it's the wrong one." "I've noticed." "'Billy.'" "I wonder why." "Hah hah!" "Come on, there!" "Hah!" "Get along, there!" "Hah!" "Go on, now!" "Get along!" "Hah!" "Hey, get outta there!" "Ho!" "Ho!" "Ho, there!" "Ho!" "Ho, there!" "Hey, you, there!" "Get that thing outta the way!" "Sure." "But first we got a little business." "Boys!" "We ain't carrying' gold." "No, but you got a passenger we want." " You want him?" " Good luck." "Yeah." "I had a feelin' we might need this." "You!" "Inside!" "Come on out!" "We got a surprise for ya!" "What's he doin' out here?" "!" "Heh." "You kinda took us by surprise." "Another one of your jokes, Billy?" "Ha ha ha!" "Guess this one's on us." "We come all the way out here and find out it's you." "I don't know who you are or who you think I am." "But I do know you shouldn't point that." "It's liable to go off and hurt somebody." "Get down!" " Run for it!" " Out of my way!" "Move it!" "Run!" "Let's go in the hills!" "Why, he's crazy!" "Let's get outta here!" "Wow!" "That was awful!" "Did I tell ya?" "Our first day in the West, and we've already been held up." "We better take this thing with us." "We don't want it to fall into the wrong hands." "I'm so tired, I can hardly walk." "Don't worry." "When we go through the Badlands, you'll be running." "We don't run, we walk." "Head high, Brother Marcus." "By holding good thoughts and relying on the power within us, our burden shall be lifted." "Do you remember that prophet of old, Elijah?" "A man of righteousness and goodness." "He was sent to his final victory, his eternal destination, in a fiery chariot." "Whoa!" "Whoa there!" "Whoa!" "Whoa, boy!" "Whoa!" "Whoa, there!" "Look out!" "Are you all right?" "Yes." "These critters seem to have a mind of their own." "What are you doing in the middle of the road?" "We were just walking along." "Are you gonna stand there babbling or help me?" "We'll help." "Give the lady a hand." "The fiery chariot." "I imagine you could use a lift." "Thank you." "Where are you going?" "As far as Bloodshy." "So are we." "First the fiery chariot, and now she's taking us to Bloodshy." "See?" "You don't have to run if you listen to Brother Eli." "There." "Thank you." "Hey, I'm Jenny Willingham." "Are you a dance-hall girl?" "Marcus." "No, I'm a schoolteacher." "How do you do?" "I'm Eli Bloodshy." "We're missionaries." "That's Roxanne, and this is Marcus." " Bloodshy, huh?" " It was my father's town." "He passed away, but I'm going to collect my inheritance." "Now, am I just gonna stand here or get that lift?" "'Put me down,' I said!" "Put me down!" "Oh, Mansbridge." "Field, sir." "Oh, yeah." "What can I do for you, Fieldbridge?" "It's Mansfield, sir." "Oh, yeah." "Well, them English names are all Greek to me." "You wanna watch it there?" "I'll turn your overnight stay into a life sentence." "You gotta keep your eye on 'em so they don't fly the coop." "We had a little fire in here thanks to Mr. Wild Billy." "One of these days, I'm gonna put the cuffs on him for good." "If you don't mind, sir," "I'm looking for Mayor Ragsdale." "Mr. Bloodshy's will." "Well, if it has to do with law, you came to the right place." "It's to be administered by the mayor." "Leave it to me, Mainstream." "Now, you remember you're on your honor!" "'I, Jasper Bloodshy, last will and testament, my entire inheritance...'" "It's a contest." "It is?" "No, it isn't." "It isn't?" "Not when the other contestant can't make it." "Why can't he make it?" "Because the poor sucker's on his way..." "Sheriff, don't you have anything better to do?" "No, not now." "Go out and find Wild Billy." "Wild Billy?" "Tell him it's official." "He's rich." "Wild Billy?" "It's good news, Sheriff." "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "Good news." "Then maybe he won't want a shoot-out." "I'll tell him." "Very rich." "Isn't it beautiful, children?" "All you can see for miles." "Look at that." "Bloodshy." "It's my name etched in wood." "So, where will you be staying?" "How about the saloon?" "Children can't stay at a saloon." "Why not?" "We're used to places like that." "And there's a lot of souls to save there." "I've made arrangements at a boardinghouse." "I'm sure they'll have room for you." " Thank you very much." " A boardinghouse?" "That's not where all the shooting and fighting is." "99.9% of all towns in the West are peaceful little villages where nothing ever happens." "Get all that other stuff out of your head, hmm?" "Wow!" "Hah!" "Hah!" "Whoa!" "I think we're here." "I don't believe it." "Ohh!" "[Coughing]" "Oh, uh, sorry." "Mr. Bloodshy, are you all right?" "I think so, yes." "Step aside!" "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Why, you..." "Sorry." "Stop, thief!" "Get that varmint!" " Where is he?" "!" " I didn't see him." "There he goes." "Get down!" "Get down!" "You sidewinder!" "Gentlemen!" "Gentlemen!" "Just a minute!" "Just a minute!" "Do you mind?" "Thank you." "This is no way to solve a problem." "If a man is guilty of a crime, he should be judged in a court of law, not by mob rule and violence." " Yeah, sure." " Whatever you say." "Just because these men are mean, it doesn't mean they won't listen to reason." "Now, can you tell me where the sheriff is?" "I've got something for him." "There he goes again!" "He's gone crazy!" "Outta my way!" "Maybe we'll find him in the saloon." "No, not we." "Me." "You're off to the boardinghouse with Miss Willingham." " Aw, Eli." " Jenny." "Besides, you two could use a nap." "Good idea." "Eli, we're too old to take a nap!" "Give us a break!" "Yo!" "Get up here!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Yeah, me and Wild Billy are just like that." "Leastways, we're gonna be." "I got some news that's gonna keep him in booze, babes, and..." "Sheriff?" " Billy, don't shoot!" " Pardon?" "I got good news!" "We got the will." "I seen it myself in black and white." "I cross my heart and hope to die." "Oh, Billy, no." "Let's just check that cannon, okay?" "Thank you very much." "One of man's most destructive weapons." "What are you doin' in that crazy suit?" "That's all right." "You can wear what you want." "You can do what you want." "You own the town, the land, the money, the land as far as the eye can see." "You're rich, Billy!" "Rich!" "It's almost too good to be true." "I thought that'd soften you up." "Don't forget, I'm the one who told you." "Sheriff, I think I know those men." "Well, I think it's time for a round of drinks." " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "What'll you have?" "A cup of tea, please." " I've sent for the tea." " Thank you very much." " BILLY:" "Yeeeee-ha!" "Outta my way, you varmint!" "If you wasn't right here, I'd swear that sounds like you." "Yeeeee-hoooo!" "Now there's two of 'em!" "Liven it up!" "Yeah!" "Yeeeeee-hooooo!" "He looks just like a real gunfighter." "I don't think we know him as well as we thought." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Hah!" "This saloon is deader than Boot Hill!" "Party needs livening' up." "That's Eli over there." "Twins?" "Twin brothers!" "Isn't that wonderful?" "What's this?" "I thought I shot out that mirror!" "Don't fire." "No." "Holy smoke." "The mirror's talkin' to me." "I'm not a mirror." "No." "I don't like this." "How come there's two of me?" "I said, 'How come there's two of me?" "'" "Hold it, Billy." "There ain't two of you." "There's one of each." "Brothers, spittin' images." "Brothers?" "Oh, isn't that marvelous?" "I'm overjoyed." "Well, I don't need no spitting' image!" "Hold it, Billy!" "Hold it!" "Now, we got us a brand-new will." "Now, it mentions the fact that you got a brother, but it don't say nothin' about him bein' a twin." "Well, I don't need no brother, nor no spitting' twin!" "Like it or not, want it or not, need it or not, you got him!" "Just whose side are you on, Mayor?" "Oh, Mayor Ragsdale?" " Uh, yes." " Eli Bloodshy, sir." "I've got a letter asking me to look you up regarding my inheritance." "Your inheritance?" "Now, not so fast." "Now, how do we know he's a real Bloodshy?" "You talk funny, like a foreigner." "Well, I've got my birth certificate." "I've got my license to drive a cart in Philadelphia." "And I'm expecting my preaching permit any day now." "Oh, Lordy, it ain't bad enough I got me a brother." "He's a tambourine whacker!" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Well, Eli." "Eli, sir." "Yes, Eli." "Yes, we do have an inheritance, but there's a little contest involved." "What kind of a contest?" "Between the two of you." "It's spelled out right in here." "Yes, in detail." "Uh, yes." "There it is." "'Winner take all.'" "Between him and me?" "Ha!" "What does it consist of?" "Oh, just a little race." "[Laughing] Nothin' to be worried about." "You come on now, Eli." "Let me show you the town that your daddy built." "I'll see you later, Billy." "A little race, huh?" "On the Bloody Bloodshy Trail." "Well, if'n I was you boys," "I'd get a few bets down in the big city." "That a way, whilst I'm cleanin' up on the psalm singer, you boys can be cleaning' out Reno!" " Yooooo-hooooo!" "That's the Bloodshy Savings Bank." "Hasn't been open since the last robbery." "There's not much money in this town, parson." "I thought my father had considerable wealth." "Yes." "It's all safe and sound in my vault there." "Don't you worry about a thing, son." "The lunchroom's shot, too?" "People around here seem to get what they need in the saloon." "So I see." "It's the West, you see, son?" "It's the wild, wild West." "Hold it." "He's here." "Who?" "He is." "Rattlesnake." "But don't worry." "It's gonna be all right." "I got the edge on him." "You do?" "Why?" "Because he's here, and he knows I know he's here." "But he doesn't know I know he knows I know he's here, but I know." "So I got the edge." "Let's leave this up to the sheriff, son." "You're here." "I know you're here." "Yeah, I'm here, all right." "My sister says you insulted her." "No man insults my sister and stays alive." "Insulted her?" "I asked her to marry me." "So, she was right." "Get ready to slap leather." "Then get ready to bite the dust." "You're fast, Denver, but not that fast." "Nobody's that fast." "I didn't get to be the sheriff of Bloodshy for being slow." "Draw and I'll tattoo your name all over that sheet." "You draw and there'll be another badge on Boot Hill." "We'll see about that." "At the count of three." "1." "2." "Aah!" "Oh!" "Whahh!" "Uh, uh!" "It seems what hasn't been burnt down has been boarded up." "I hope the church survived." "No." "The church burned down about six months ago." "The church as well?" "Perhaps I can speak to your minister." "Well, yeah." "You probably passed him on the way into town." "All we passed was a little cemetery." "That great big gray tombstone?" "That was him." "You beginning to get the picture, boy?" "It's the classic picture of a town on its knees." "Yes, exactly." "Exactly." "Even if you do win that race, look around you here." " What have you got?" " What have I got?" "I've got the most marvelous opportunity a man could have." "Thank you for the most inspiring walk of my life." "What?" "Jenny?" "In here." "Jenny, fate took us by the hand when it led us out here." "Everywhere you turn, there's a golden opportunity." "What are you doing?" "Packing." "It goes along with leaving." "Which is what I'm going to do." "But there's a real job to be done here." "What job?" "The school burnt down six months ago." "All the more reason we're needed." "To start a fire department?" "To build a new church, to build a new school, to lift this town to its feet, Jenny." "I believe that destiny has spoken to us." "Did destiny tell you where the money was coming from?" " My inheritance." " What about the race?" "The race?" "You've heard about that?" "It's all over town." "The kids told me." "Considering the life my brother's leading," "I'll be taking unfair advantage." "You don't think you stand a chance to win, do you?" "When you're a missionary in Philadelphia, you get to be fast on your feet." "How are you in the water?" "When was the last time you shot the rapids?" "And how about the six-up team?" "Have you driven one?" " I've never driven one." " Then there's the mountain." "Have you ever climbed straight up 2,000 feet with razor-sharp rocks and death at every turn?" "Is that what you think this race is all about?" "That's it exactly." "Half of the people are betting you won't come out alive." "That's ridiculous." "You've been listening to rumors and a couple of kids." "Mayor Ragsdale assures me it's nothing more than a plain, simple, ordinary race." "You don't believe him, do you?" "Of course." "He's a fine, upstanding gentleman." "I like that." "He's a civic dignitary, you know." "But..." "Oh." "He must not finish that race, but you gotta make it look like an accident." "I don't know what you're head-up about." "Ain't no way that city dude can make that course." "Well, there's too much at stake to take any chances." "There's something about him that makes me nervous." "Do you boys think that you can handle it this time?" "Quit your worrying, Ragsdale." "Takin' care of an hombre like Eli is our meat and potatoes." "Good." "I'll have some gravy for you later." "Dinner in a moment, sir." "Try serving' it up here, you overpaid import!" "And close your mouth, less'n you're aimin' to catch flies." "If I may, sir, what are you doing up there?" "I'm spying' on you, Mansfield, to make sure you delivered the will." "Perhaps you were able to get a glimpse of Master Eli." "I would have if'n you hadn't let me climb up here without my spyglass." "Begging your pardon, but I wasn't here." "That's no excuse, you lint-headed limey!" "Now look alive!" "I'm comin' down!" "Very good, sir." "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Are you quite all right, sir?" "Now I've had it with you, Mansfield." "You missed me again, just like your broken-down neck did at the gorge." "Accidentally, I assure you, sir." "Bourgeois." "If'n you don't kill me by missing' me, you're gonna get me with your poison cooking'." "Well, the stage is now set, sir, and we patiently await the opening curtain." "Don't give me that highfalutin lingo, you shoddy Shakespeare!" "Now, what's my boy look like?" "As you would say," "'The spittin' image of your other son,' sir." "Totin' guns, was he?" "Yes." "Rather a large rapid-firing one, sir." "Another fighting' fool." "Oh, great glory." "I can see a real battle shaping' up, Mansfield." "Under your watchful eye," "I'm sure it will be a marvelous contest." "Do sit down, sir." "Oh, thank you kindly." "Ah!" "Ooh!" "With you around, Mansfield, my watchful eye may be the only thing left in my body that ain't broke, battered, or busted." "Revival meeting, ma'am." "A pamphlet, sir?" "Singin', preaching', and free soup?" " It's homemade." " Yes." "Free booze, and you might get yourself a crowd." "But free soup?" "[Laughing]" "Maybe some of the farmers will come." "I sure hope someone does." "I hope those gunfighters don't come." "I don't care what Ragsdale says." "If I had my way, that preacher wouldn't make it to the starting line." "They mean Eli." "He'd never believe that." "He's always looking at the good side of people." "But while he's looking at their good side, their bad side's gonna finish him." "What we oughta do is try to help protect him." "Look!" "Five paces, we turn and shoot." "Right." "What about it?" "That's a way to help protect him." "How?" "Just wait." "You ready?" "I'm ready." "You ready?" "I'm ready." "You ready?" "I said I was ready." "You gonna count, count." "All right." "I'm gonna count now." "Well, count!" "1." "2." "3." "4." "5!" "Whhaaahhh!" "Guns?" "!" "What are you doing?" "!" "Eli needs our help." "They're gonna get him." "I don't care." "You have no business playing with guns." " You want me to help unload it?" " Absolutely not." "Finish delivering those pamphlets." "Now move." "You better be careful, Jenny." "The shotgun's still loaded." "Don't you worry about me." "Now, get a move on." " All right." " Yes'm." " Ah!" " Whoa!" "Ow!" "Oh!" "Who... who did..." "You!" "You." "You almost killed me!" "Eli?" "Are you crazy?" "What are you doing shooting guns?" "You don't understand." "Eli, I wasn't..." "Well, if you wasn't, who was?" "The children." "Jenny, don't blame the children." "It's bad enough to twist the truth, Jenny." "But to blame two innocent children for this." "I'm shocked." "You... you..." "You wait and see." "When it comes to spotting' my son, this has to be the perfect spot, Mansfield." "Innocent children." "Innocent children." "Ah!" "Ohh!" "Hmm!" "All right, Rattlesnake!" "None of your tricks this time!" "On the count of three, draw!" "Countin' three is fair by me." "So long, Denver." "1." "2." "3." " We're gonna be late." " Jenny, let's go." "What's wrong, Jenny?" "Aren't you going?" "No, I don't think I will." " Eli needs us, Jenny." " It's his first revival meeting." "You'd do anything for him, wouldn't you?" "Sure." "He's done everything for us." "Maybe even more than a father would have done." "You'd like to have a father, wouldn't you?" "More than anything else in the whole world." "Well, maybe I'll bring some soup down later on." "Come on." "No!" "I tell you, there is hope!" "As Solomon told ancient Israel, the house of the wicked shall be overthrown, but the tabernacle of the upright shall flourish." "A real battler?" "You nincompoop!" "My son's a psalm singer!" "Yoooo!" "Mr. Bloodshy." "You better get out while the gettin's good." "The last feller who came here talkin' tabernacles went out feet first." " You remember that." " Yeah." "But running away has never been the solution, not when there are kind, decent, peaceful people here who want to live in a community where there's love and goodness." "Looks like his brother and talks like his mother." "That poor milksop stands as much chance out here as a snowflake in the Sahara." "What about my father?" "Rest his soul." "He practically built this town." "Practically?" "!" "I cleared timber, drove nails, dug ditches!" "What am I telling you for?" "You English sissy!" "But then he just sat around, let it all turn sour, let it fall into the wrong hands." "Now it's a town of gambling', gunfightin', hard drinkin', and fast women." "Sounds pretty good to me." "But if a town changed for the worse, it could change for the better." "All it needs is faith, courage, and conviction." "I'm ready to stay right here and help you fight to get this town back again." "Well, I guess he does have a smidgen of spunk after all, for a prune picker." " Mr. Bloodshy!" " Yeah?" "Ooh." "I'm afraid you won't be here long." "You ain't gonna finish that race." "You know why?" "Because there isn't going to be any silly race." "What's he mean, no race?" "If'n he cancels my race, I'll cancel him!" "I'm going across the street now and talk to my brother." "We'll split this inheritance and use the money to make this a town worth living in." "Behind those guns of his, there's a fine, decent human being." "[Laughter]" "Mr. Bloodshy, do you really believe all that?" "I certainly do." "Yes." "Well, you're as crazy as a coot." "He's as crazy as two coots." "Marcus will spread the word." "The whole town will be out there with love and kindness in their hearts." "Roxanne, ring those bells." "I've heared enough, Mansfield." "Now I don't have to hear anymore." "% % Oh, come to the church in the nave% %" "% % Oh, come to the church in the nave% %" "% % No spot is so dear to my child% %" "Brother Billy, may I..." "Brother Billy, may I suggest..." "Brother Billy, may I suggest we put aside this contest and join our hands together for the benefit of the community?" "You know what I mean?" "Yeah." "You're a-feared to race me." "Certainly not, but I think it's silly for two grown men to compete with each other." "Now, if'n you don't run in that race tomorrow, you're nothin' more than I thought you was." "A yellow-bellied, lily-livered coward from the city." "Now you get outta here afore I'm obliged to blow your brains out." "[Singing continues]" "But we still don't have this settled." "And I'm not leaving here until we do." "Oh, you're not, huh?" "No." "You ought to be more careful with that gun." "Say good night to Brother Eli." "ALL:" "Good night, Brother Eli!" "Oh, Eli." "We'll see you at the race tomorrow, Brother Eli." "That is, if you can get your creaking' carcass to the starting' line." "Whoo-hoo!" "Hey, wait a minute!" "You can't get away with that!" "Marcus, stop." "Now you won't have to wash." "When are you gonna realize they don't want us here?" "But we are needed." "Eli, they're against you." "All of 'em are." "Just a minute." "You haven't lost faith, have you?" " Of course not." " Not in you." "Five mighty tests of courage, skill, and strength." "Startin' with the iron donkeys, snortin' little piston-drivin' steam engines, and ending' up with the six-up teams." "Wagons pulled by six powerful horses." "You're gonna see fierce, spirited, untamed, wild-eyed..." "You lookin' for me?" "I'll tend to you later." "Anyway, folks, the finish line is in town." "And one more thing." "Oh, yeah, I get it." "Right." "Be brief." "Well, to be brief, folks, stationed at each and every point, there will be an official selected by our impartial race committee to see that there's no hanky-pankying going on." "Morning, Oscar." "Snead." "Hey, $5 says the preacher don't make it to the canoes." "Officials ain't allowed to make bets." "So?" "You givin' odds?" "You name 'em, you got 'em." "Cat's cradles." "It better be." "Now, push, Mansfield." "Push." "Push." "Ooh, I knew it in my bones, Mansfield." "Fair race, my foot." "My boy Eli's gonna need help, and lots of it." "So I best get my tools." "Ooh, ooh, ooh." "Stand fast, you cockeyed Cockney, you." "Uh-oh." " Ooh!" " I'm sorry." "There's one thing for sure." "Master Eli certainly has a chance with you around." "Sir?" "Sir?" "Oh, sir!" "Oh, and something else I forgot." "Before we start the race..." "On second thought, let's just start the race." "Bring up the iron donkeys." "What do you think that means?" "I don't know." "Eli, we got somethin' for you." "For me?" "Be careful." "Don't squash it." "It's for good luck." "In case you need any." "Oh." "Oh, it's beautiful." "Eli, we know you can win." "Win?" "He'll be lucky if he stays alive." "Roxanne." "Do you mind just having a little faith?" "Contestants, mount your engines!" "Don't worry." "I have nothin' to be afraid of." "Cheer up, brother." "We both got somethin' to look forward to." "The town greeting' me and Saint Peter greeting' you." " Eli." " Yes?" "For luck." "And be careful." "Now, when you hear my gunshot, that's your signal to start the race!" "Are you ready?" " Yes." " Yeah!" "Hey, what's goin' on?" "When are they gonna start this thing?" "We gonna wait around here all day?" "Hey." "Uhh!" "Eli, you're goin' the wrong way!" "Billy, what are you stoppin' for?" "!" "Ooh!" "Get out of the way!" "Ooh!" "Aah!" "Waaah!" "Get off me!" "Get your foot off of my shoe!" "Somebody get a loop on him!" " Oh!" "Thank you very much." "Push!" "Here we go!" "Here we go!" "Is this a race or a ring around the roundhouse?" "!" "Come on, hurry!" "Get him on the track!" "Let's go, Eli!" "Go, Eli!" "Go, Eli!" "Yay!" "What's going on?" "!" "You're losin', that's what!" "Come on!" "Get him!" "Get!" "Get!" "Snail foot!" "We'll see you later, brother!" "Come on!" "Uh-oh." "Huh?" "Aah!" "Clear the road!" "Clear the road!" "Aah!" "Hoo-hoo-hoo!" "Hey, what's that?" "Aw, it's just another Indian sacrifice." "What, a whole tepee?" "Yep, looks like it." "What become of your brother?" "Should've been here by now." "You get ahead of him?" "I guess he's steamin' home, back to Philadelphia." "Holy horsefly!" "Would you look who that is." "Now, how did he get there?" "You get back here, you scheming', cheating' polecat!" "You paddle like you talk!" "Like a sissy!" "Hey, Bloodshy!" "Quitters don't run in our family!" "Yee-aah!" "Yah!" "Aaah!" "Aah!" "Wrong way." "Wrong way!" "Oh, no." "Oh, no." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Ohhhh!" "Help!" "Aaah!" "Looks pretty good for you, Billy." "Yeah, and pretty bad for him." "Hey, look!" "Am I seein' what I think I'm seein'?" "I coulda told him this race would get him one way or tother." "Well, looks like you might get your chance." "I don't believe it." "I just don't believe it." "You better get a wiggle on it." "That fella's still a-kickin'." "Come on, Bucky, let's help him out." "Has he succeeded, sir?" "Has he?" "I told you that half-drowneded church mouse is sure giving' him a run for it, in spite of them sabotagin' Sneads." "I daresay the Sneads aren't bright enough to be doing this dastardly deed on their own." "I'll do the daresayin' 'round here, Mansfield." "Oh, very good, sir." "Yeah, I daresay the Sneads don't seem bright enough to be doing this..." "Dastardly." "...deed by themselves, Mansfield." " Excellent observation, sir." " Yeah." "Yeah, we best get into town." "I got a hunch who the real scheming' skunk is." "Hop aboard." "Where am I going now?" "Up the mountain, just as soon as you refresh yourself with a little water." "Water?" "I'm a walking sponge right now." "And a cold one." "Don't matter." "One of the rules." "It's for the well-being of both contestants." "You saw Wild Billy take his, didn't you?" "Well, if Billy..." "Mountain water." "I've never..." "I've never tasted water like this before." "That's the funniest stuff I've ever had." "Mmm, mmm." "You know, it's..." "It's not bad." "It certainly got rid of those shivers." "You know..." "I kinda like it." "A man ought to drink water more often." "I liked visiting' with you, but you better catch Billy." "You gentlemen mind if I take this little old water jug?" "Why, I think that'd be all right." " Sure." " Good." "Hey, mister!" "That's not the mountain." "That's the river." "Oh, that's right, yes." "The mountain and the river." "The mountain." "I'll start right on up." "Yeah." "'Eli groggy.'" "'But right behind Wild Billy.'" "You think Eli can win?" "Against a stacked deck?" "We better find out what they're up to." "RAGSDALE:" "If you don't get that preacher on the mountain, make sure you get him at Devil's Gorge." "I told you, quit worrying'." "Ain't no possible way he can get by the gorge." "That's good." "All right, here's the gravy that I promised you." "After you get rid of that psalm singer..." "Pay attention!" "We're plannin' a little dynamite party for Wild Billy at Deadman's Pass." " Wild Billy?" " Yep." "You want to get rid of Wild Billy, too?" "I don't know." "You see, I've doctored that will." "You see, if nobody wins, then the money and the saloon, the town goes to the executor of that will, and that's me." "Now, you and your brothers, being my partners, why, you'll get, uh, uh... half." "Well, now do you want to bump off Wild Billy?" "Does a coyote like to howl?" "Here's where you're gonna come down the trail." "Right there." "That's where you put the dynamite, there." "Got it." "Okay." "This is gonna be a cinch." "All right, now let's go." "Come on." "Sir!" "Let go, Mansfield!" "They're gonna get my sons!" "Over my dead body." "But, sir, there must be another way of handling this." "Would you take your hands off... ow!" "Where have you two been?" "They're gonna get Brother Eli!" "Hyah!" " Whoa!" "Whoa!" "What?" " Wild Billy, too!" "With dynamite at Deadman's Pass." "Wait a minute." "We don't have time for you not to believe us." "I'm going with you." "Hyah!" "Good goin', Billy." "You made it." "Well, what did you expect?" "I always figured you'd be first..." " Hold it!" "Can you hear somebody singing'?" "Yeah." "Real pretty." "It's that blasted bulldog." "% % Where seldom is heard% %" "% % A discouraging word% % 1." "2." "3!" "% % Are not...something... % % 1." "2." "3!" "% % Whe-e-re the deer... % %" "% % And the thing-a-me-bobs play% %" "% % Seldo-o-m is heard... % %" " Come on, we'll get him." " % % A discouraging word% %" "% % And the skies are not cloudy... % %" "Yodel-ay-eeee-deeeee!" "Yodel-ay-eeee-deeeee!" "Come on, here he comes!" "Now!" "Oh!" "Wonder where they came from." "The biggest hailstones I've ever seen." "Boy, he's slipperier than a dad-gum snake." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Ahh." "This has got to do it." " I'll tell you when." " Right." "Okay!" "Ahh." "Ohhh." "The world trembles at your beauty." "Don't tell me we missed him again." "We'll get him." "At the gorge." "That's the way!" "Keep it up!" "You're doing terrific!" "Congratulations, Billy." "Why, with the lead you've got, you could let them horses ride you and still win." "That stall-fed tenderfoot got no business being in the race." "But he hasn't come by yet." "So you don't have anything to worry about." "Wha..." "Hello, Billy!" "Now, how does that him-hummer keep a-doin' it?" "The team's just up the hill!" "That's the skinniest-looking bridge I've ever seen." "Ooh!" "Yee-haw!" "Eli, what are you doin'?" "Not that-a way!" "Hand over hand!" "You mean..." "Yeah!" "Hand over hand!" "No!" "You don't understand!" "You don't have to walk on 'em!" "Oh!" "Come on!" "You can make it!" "No, he can't!" "Aaah!" "Hey, preacher!" "How do you like the view?" "This is no time to be lyin' down on the job!" "Help!" "Yeah, boys, help him out!" "What do you think you're doing?" "!" "After you." "Aaah!" "Aah!" "Go on, get that other surprise ready up at Deadman's Pass." "This hombre's a goner." " Okay, boss." " You bet." "Whoa!" "% % Rock of ages% %" "% % Cleft for me% %" "Come on, we've got work to do." "You ain't never gonna make it, preacher!" "Ah!" "Take a long look down and say your last prayer, preacher!" "Amen and adios!" "Oh!" "There's nothin' like a well-aimed rock, Mansfield." "Unh!" "Oh!" "Ah!" "Eli!" "If only I could help you, son." "Eeh!" "Ooh!" "Mansfield, have you gone plum loco?" "Aaah!" "Ohh!" "MARCUS:" "Get him, Roxanne!" "Hit him!" "Hit him!" "Ohh!" "Oh!" "Good!" "We did it." "Yeah!" "He went over easier than I thought." "He sure did." "Look!" "Oh, no!" "Hang on, Eli!" "Aaaaaah!" " Eli!" " Eli!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Oh, thank heaven." "Hang on, Eli!" "Yeah, hang on!" "We'll save you!" "Aaah!" "Help me up." "Quick, Jenny, the rope!" " Aaah!" "Aah!" "Here, Eli!" "All right, hit him." " Hyah!" " Go on!" "Go!" "Hyah!" "Aah, aah, aah, aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Oh!" "Let go, Eli!" "Eli, let go!" "Aaah!" "Is he all right?" "Wow, that mountain water sure makes you do funny things." "Ragsdale's in it with the Sneads!" "They're out to get Billy, too." "If both of you don't make it, Ragsdale gets everything." "You gotta win!" "The only thing I've got to do is save my brother." "This map shows the dynamite and where the Sneads are gonna be." "You'll lose the race to save someone who hates you." "Well, isn't that what we're supposed to do?" "Help anybody who needs saving, hmm?" "Yeah." "I guess so." "Come on." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Hey, you two, wait for us!" "Tallyho." "Gee-up." "Give me those!" "Hyah!" "Aah!" "Oh!" "Look out!" "Everybody, in the back!" "Quickly!" "Hey, is everybody all right?" "Yeah, Jenny." "Eli, look at that." "Yeah, what is it?" "It's those Sneads." "Yeah." "You see anything?" "No, no sign of him yet." "The lookout has the rifle." "Eli can handle him." "I hope so." "We've got to get him away from that plunger." "If he falls on it, the whole mountainside will go." " I got an idea." " Oh, really?" "You get behind that rock." "Right." "Stay here." "I'll be right back." "Now cover it up." "All right." "Unh!" "Why, you little dad-gum cotton-pickin'..." "Now!" "Aah!" "Billy!" "Get back!" "Get back!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Let go of my hair!" "Get off of me, you little pony!" "Just keep him buttoned up." "Billy!" " Pete, get on that plunger." " Yeah, boss." "Did he hear him?" "I don't know." "I'm not sure." "Ain't a bad swap, huh?" "Two brothers for a fortune." "Git!" "Hey, he's a-movin'!" "When he gets to the mine, they both get it." "No!" "No!" "Shall I help you steady the rifle, sir?" "Only when I decide to aim it at you, Mansfield." "He's getting pretty close, boss." "All right, get ready." "Should I blow it now?" "No." "Not yet." "Ready?" " Unh!" " Aah!" "Billy!" "Dynamite!" "Get him!" "Get down!" "Oh!" "Where is he?" "!" " Oh!" " Oh!" "Oh, yes!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "I got him, Eli!" "I got him!" "You?" "It was Jenny." "I don't think it was me." "I think it was the..." "Oh, no!" "Uh, I don't know what that was, folks." "It could have been thunder." "But one thing I do know." "A winner could be coming in any minute now." "Oh, Eli." "I've got to find out." "Billy!" "Billy!" "Billy!" "Billy!" "Billy!" "Are you just gonna stand there caterwaulin' all day?" "Thank heaven you're safe." "I might have knowed it." "Never trust a Bible-banger." "You went and ruined everything." "What?" "The will says, 'May the best man win.'" "Now I ain't so sure I am the best man." "You saved my life!" "Now, how am I gonna whip a man who saves my life?" "Billy, Ragsdale set us both up to be killed, and he's going to get all the money if nobody wins." "Ragsdale?" "That snivelin' sneak!" "Then one of us has gotta win." "Thank you, Sheriff." "Thank you, thank you, boys." "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, all my loyal constituents." "Now, then, as executor of the estate of the late, great, beloved Jasper Bloodshy..." "I was fully prepared to turn over his entire, every last cent of that fortune to whichever brother wins, whichever one comes in." "But, uh..." "Well, it seems to me that if there is to be a winner, he should have been here a long time ago, hmm?" "Matter of fact, it has occurred to me, as I am sure it has occurred to each and every one of you, that some unforeseen, dire tragedy has befallen those two fine young men, huh?" "Let's take him, too." "No, no, come on." "However!" "However, there is a, uh, provision in the will which states that if there is no winner, then the entire fortune goes to..." "Rider comin'!" "A rider comin'." "Rider comin'?" "Who is it?" "Can you see?" "I don't believe it!" "Are you sure that's the preacher?" "[Laughs excitedly]" "It's Eli!" "He's won!" "Whoa!" "You're safe!" "How's Billy?" "Eli, we knew you could do it!" "Where's Ragsdale?" "!" "There he goes!" "MARCUS:" "With as much money as he can get away with." "Hold it, Ragsdale!" "Hyah, hyah!" "Go on!" "Get out of here!" "Move it!" "Hyah!" "Get out of here!" "Hey, Eli, you're shootin' just like Wild Billy." "Come back here, you consarn, yellow-bellied, lily-livered, two-timin' polecat!" "Yah!" "Eli isn't Eli." "Eli's Wild Billy." "Another rider comin'!" " Which one's this?" " Is it Eli or Billy?" "Now, there's Eli." "I think." "Brother, I'd like a word with you." "I said, 'Brother, I'd like a word with you.'" "Later!" "Swing me up!" "Aah!" "I'm ready, Rattlesnake." "Let's make it clean and fast." "All right." "We'll count to three." "I'm gonna get you, Ragsdale!" "Marcus, what are you doing?" "Oh, no!" "Hey, what is this?" "Get that off!" "I don't see any way you can trick me this time." "1." "2." "Get off me!" "What is this thing?" "Get away!" "3." "Get off!" "Get off!" " Aah!" " Ooh!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Hold on!" "Come on, get him!" "Get him, Eli!" "He's a crook!" "He's got all the money!" "Look out!" "Tarnation!" "Marcus, are you all right?" "That was great!" "What?" "Here he comes, Mansfield!" "The dirty fly into the spider's web." "Stand back, Mansfield, and see how the West was won." "Ehhh!" "Ooh!" "Oh, sir!" "Great jumping' Jasper's ghost!" "Aaah!" "Ohh!" "Aah!" "It's a ghost!" "It's a ghost!" "I can't be seein' this." "I know I'm not seein' this." " But get off me!" " Nothing doin', Ragsdale!" "I'm takin' you with me!" "I take everything back!" "I'll give you the money back!" "Too late, you whining' weasel!" "I'll see you in jail if it's the last thing I ever do-o-o!" "It was the old man, I tell you!" "I saw him!" "I tell you, it was the strangest thing I ever saw." "He came floating' down in a white sheet." "The bats have taken over the belfry." "You gotta believe me!" "Hey, Sheriff!" "Listen, you start that story one more time, there'll be two ghosts, and you'll be one!" "I'll be late for that ceremony." "Deputy, keep an eye on the prisoners." "Right, chief." "Deputy?" "You gotta believe me, man!" "[Cheers and applause]" "And so my brother and I have decided to share the money and use it to make a new town." "A town a whole lot different than the one you've been used to." "And if anybody has any other ideas, they're gonna have to answer to m..." "My brother, Eli." "It's going to be a town I hope you'll all be proud of." "I know I'm going to be proud of the new church and the new school we're building." "A new school for our children, yours and mine." "He means us." "We've got a father." "And I'll tell you something else." "Not only will these children have the best teacher, they'll have the prettiest one they've ever seen." "[Laughter and applause]" "Of course, I may be a little prejudiced." "I think we're gettin' a mother, too." "You know, I can't rightly recollect ever seein' the whole town together with folks a-smilin' at each other instead of shooting'." "I think this is a fitting moment now to pay tribute to the one man who made all this possible." "Our father, Jasper Bloodshy." "It's too bad he couldn't have lived to see his last wish come true." "Amen, brother." "But if you'll all join in with me now singing 'Something Good is Bound to Happen,'" "I guarantee no matter where he is, he'll be happy at this very moment." "% % Something good is bound to happen% %" "% % When love is in your heart% %" "% % For love and human kindness% %" "% % Is where good things always start% %" "% % There's goodness in your neighbors% %" "% % There's goodness close at hand% %" "Shh!" "Don't shush me, you British buzzard!" "Can't a man sing when he's happy?" "Well, sir, then you might reconsider and make an appearance." "And send the whole town off to the loony bin, like Ragsdale?" "No, I finished what I set out to do, Mansfield." "It's time to move on." "Where to, sir?" "Yeah, to a place I ain't seen for years, Mansfield." "Cactus Ridge." "Cactus Ridge?" "Why Cactus Ridge, sir?" "Now I've straightened out my sons, Wild Billy and Eli," "I gotta go see how my daughters," "Calico Kate and Wildcat Winnie, are doin'." "Let's go, Mansfield!" "Very good, sir." "Gee-up!" "Gee-up, there!" "Mornin', Sheriff." "Morning, Mr. Bloodshy." "% % Something good is bound to happen% %" "% % When love is in your heart% %" "% % For love and human kindness% %" "% % Is where good things always start% %" "% % There's goodness in your neighbors% %" "% % There's goodness close at hand% %" "% % Oh, look for all the goodness% %" "% % Over all this blessed land% %" "% % Blessed land% %" "% % Blessed land% %" "% % Over all this blessed land% %" "% % Blessed land% %" "% % Blessed land% %" "the end" "% % Over all this blessed land% %"