"LAST EXIT TO GRAMACHO 1 KM" "GRAMACHO LANDFILL" "My mission... besides being Estamira... is to reveal... the truth, nothing but the truth." "Be it capturing the lie and rubbing it in, or else... teaching them what they don't know... the innocent." "But there are no more innocent people." "There's just wise guys in reverse." "There's plenty of wise guys in reverse, but not innocent people." "Here... pour some water over here." "You're common." "I'm not common." "Gee, pour some more." "It's only the shape that is common." "I'll explain all of it to you, now, to the whole world." "They've blinded your brains... your blood-recorders." "But they couldn't blind my brain, 'cause I'm in a human form, flesh... blood, the form of an "even man"." "So they couldn't do it to me." "That's their grudge on me, the Punster's grudge on me." "The accursed, unholy, hypocritical... scoundrel, undignified, incompetent Punster!" "You know what he did?" "He lied to men, seduced men, blinded men... enticed men, then tossed them into the abyss." "Holy crap!" "That's what he did." "You understand?" "That's why I've become flesh." "You know why?" "To expose him and his whole gang!" "I'll knock him down!" "I'll knock him down, I will." "Wanna defy me?" "Ain't got a chance!" "He is so powerful in reverse, that even though... my flesh is this aged, this ugly... this silly, he still wants more..." "Oh my." "You believe that?" "Take a look, the hills, the ridges, the mountains..." "Landscape and Estamira..." "Estasea..." "Esta... hills, Estamira is in every corner." "It's all around." "Even my own sentiment sees it." "Everyone sees Estamira." "Fortunately, after I began to reveal and to demand... the truth, guess what happened..." "Fortunately, almost everyone has become alert." "You only err willingly." "This here is a deposit... of remains." "At times there's just remains." "At other times, there is also carelessness." "Remains and carelessness." "The one who revealed man as the sole conditional... taught him to preserve things." "To preserve things is to protect... to wash, clean and use things... as much as possible." "You have your shirt." "You have it on, you get sweaty." "You won't take your shirt off and discard it." "You cannot do that." "The one who revealed man as the sole conditional... did not teach betrayal... did not teach humiliation... did not teach usurping." "Man was taught to help." "Poverty is no good, but rules are." "To spare, to save is wonderful." "He who saves will always have." "Thus people... have to pay heed to what they use... to what they have." "Because to be without is awful." "The Punster arranged it in such a way... that the less people have... the more they despise, the more they discard." "The less they have." "I, Estamira, am... the vision of each one." "No one can live without me." "No one can live without Estamira." "And I feel both pride and sorrow." "Because they, the negative offensive astro-bodies... befoul the spaces and desire me." "Desire me and befoul everything." "All of creation is abstract." "All of space is abstract." "Water is abstract." "Fire is abstract." "All is abstract." "Estamira is also abstract." "Visibly, naturally... if I disincarnate..." "I have the impression that I'll be very happy... and perhaps I may help someone." "For my pleasure has always been this:" "To help people, to help a little creature." "I've worked here for twenty years." "I love it here." "The thing I love most is working." "There is the eternal, the infinite, the beyond and "beyond the beyond"." "You've never seen "beyond the beyond"." "No scientist has ever seen "beyond the beyond"." "You know what?" "Man, after he becomes visible... after he is born, after he disincarnates... if his flesh is buried... it dissolves, melts." "Only bones remain and the rays, the hairs." "The form remains the same... the shape is the same, but transparent, near us." "My father is near me, my mother, my friends." "See?" "I can see them." "We become transparent and fly away." "Just like a bird, we fly away." "I see them often." "They visit my house a lot." "Okay, let's go." "I was born on April 7th, 1941." "The flesh and the blood, the form." "In the form of "even man", mother and grandmother." "And then, you know what happened?" "They took my father in 1943." "Then my father never returned." "My father called me by so many names..." "He called me by some funny names..." ""Little Shit"..." ""Baby"..." ""Daddy's Little Girl"..." "Don't worry, leave it to me." "Then you know what they said?" "They said my father was dead." "And then... my mother was left to carry me up and down, all over the place." "What a pity." "Poor mother, even more disturbed than I am." "I'm disturbed, but lucid." "I can distinguish between them." "You know what I mean?" "My poor mother couldn't." "No wonder, after all I'm Estamira." "If I can't distinguish the disturbance, I'm not Estamira..." "I was not, I wouldn't be." "And then..." "Intervention by the real radar." "Verify..." "Oh, the remote control." "There is the superior natural remote control... and there is the artificial remote control." "The remote control is a force that's similar to... light, electrical power, electricity." "Now, with men, there are nerves in the flesh and the blood." "The nerves of the sanguine flesh... are just like... electrical wires." "The gods, who are technical scientists... they control." "They can see where they succeeded." "The scientists, certain Punsters, they succeed... because the remote control does not burn, it twists." "The scientists have switches for controlling." "Like in that iron, the one with the dial for wool, for..." "So simple, isn't it?" "CHRISTMAS 2000" "I felt better after that day, but then it hit me again." "Here, see?" "It twists like this." "It's the remote control, it's the force." "You see, the artifi... the natural camera doesn't harm me." "It's the artificial one that harms the flesh." "It affects my ribs, all over..." "Ouch." "See?" "It affected my head." "The remote control is all one." "Speaking of which... there's the artificial and the natural superior." "And there is the recorder of thoughts, have you seen it?" "You haven't seen it?" "You're kidding me." "Gee..." "I've told you already." "It's the same thing as the "'electrospherogram"." "Same thing." "Hear that?" "Mr. Davola." "Mr. Thunder." "For real." "Ouch..." "Here comes the lightning." "Back home, they come out from under the bed." "They go like..." "Boom!" "And the lightning goes like..." "It's awesome." "The storm..." "Christmas, to me, everything that is born is Christmas." "And there's this confusion mixed with Jesus' suffering..." "I have nothing against the man who was born." "For them, what was good was the God." "Then..." "I revealed who God is, 'cause, fortunately, I can." "No overpowering, no repugnance, with much pride and much honor..." "Me, Estamira." "I can reveal, I have revealed because I can." "Because I know, conscious, lucid and aware who is God... what is God, what God means, and other Ones..." "You know what?" "I don't hate men." "I pity them." "You know whom I hate?" "The Punster, the wise guy in reverse... the liar, the traitor." "He's the one who fuels my anger, hate, repulsion!" "Jesus fled and hid even before he was born." "The Jesus I know as Jesus, son of Mary, son of Israel... son of the streets." "I once pitied Jesus, but not anymore." "Now I don't pity him any longer." "I once pitied slaves, but now I don't pity them anymore." "If I'm bewildered by Jesus, they call me Jesus... they called me lily-livered, they call me infected blood... they call me Mary, who's mother of Jesus." "What kind of God is that?" "What Jesus is that?" "What is this?" "If they think I'm a sorceress, I'm a sorceress... but I'm not a charlatan, and I'm not perverse." "I'm evil, but not perverse." "Evil, yes." "I'm evil, and I'll always be evil, but without perversity." "By demanding, just by demanding." "But I count to three, I count to ten, I have the superior control." "The "beyond of the beyond" is an overflow." "Do you know what an overflow is?" "Well, everything that fills up... overflows, so then... the superior power, the superior nature... deflects everything to that place, to the reserves on the brink." "The reserves are on the brink, you got it?" "No one can go to the brink, no man can go there." "And those terrible astro-bodies... irredeemable, they all go there and never come out." "Go to this place I'm talking about, "beyond of the beyond"." "To the brink, far, far away, very far away." "No sanguine being can go there." "You won't understand all at once." "That's why I'm still visible here, in the form of "even man"." ""Even man"." "I'm not in the form of "odd man"." "You're in the form of "odd man"." ""Even man" are the mothers." "Mothers are "even form"." "Fathers, "odd"." "I overflowed with rage." "I overflowed from being invisible... due to so much hypocrisy, so many lies, so much perversity... with so many Punsters..." "I, Estamira!" "The wrong doctrine... ridiculed men... really ridiculed them." "It really did." "Got it?" "They exposed man to ridicule." "It made man inferior to a quadrupulous!" "It would've been better if men had been left... as they were before being revealed as the sole conditional!" "Move it!" "Move it!" "In line!" "Move it!" "Move it!" "Move it, Nicolau!" "In Line!" "That's Pingueleto." "And that's Teobaldo." "I'm well known here at the ramp, by everybody here." "Ask around who is Pingueleto." "Everybody knows." "My real name is Teobaldo dos Santos." "What's up, man?" "Just hanging out, huh?" "I've never been arrested." "I owe nothing to anyone." "I have no brothers." "The only brother I have is God." "This is my place." "I keep my pigeon here." "It's in here." "There's no shortage of food here." "Whoever says there's shortage of food here at the ramp is a liar." "A liar because he is lazy." "They eat better than I do, man." "Better than I do." "You won't believe me, I know." "They eat even better than you do." "I go down there and get them cool water, man." "I pour water in a cooler for them to drink, man." "Nicolau, Chicolico..." "Bolinha, Catraca, Neguinho." "Where do I live?" "I'm here at the ramp, man." "There's lots of places I could live, man." "I don't move away 'cause I don't want to." "I feel fine here with my dogs." "I get no hassle here." "I know everybody around here... and everybody knows me." "We're all close." "Move it!" "In line!" "Over here!" "Move it!" "Move it!" "In line!" "Where were you guys?" "In two days this area will be full, just like over there." "I don't like calling it "trash"." "But let's call it that." "It's a broth of crumbs." "There's fruit, meat, thin plastic, thick plastic... all kinds of stuff." "Then things sour, the oranges and all... and there comes the bubbling." "Under pressure things turn more sour, rot, then pressure rises..." "Sun and fire heat things up and gas is produced." "Carbon dioxide, you know?" "You can even use carbon dioxide... to cook, to anything." "But it's powerful, it's hellish." "Those... who cannot..." "Some people can't get used to it, can't stand it." "It's toxic." "Fortunately, thanks to this dump, I have my little house, my shack." "My shack is sacred to me, is blessed... and I despise whoever says this landfill is no-good." "When I leave here, I have a place to go to and rest." "That's what makes me happy." "She's just like her father." "His spitting image." "My father was rude and temperamental, but..." " What are you doing over there?" "...he was a good man." " You might get hurt with that nail." "He was a good man, and liked her, but they argued a lot." "Though he seemed to like her very much, he had other women." "But it was a life." "A real life." "Today, we have to take heart..." "When we see her life now, we have to take heart... to give her strength to carry on, 'cause I don't think... she has forgotten everything." "I think she lives the way she lives... only to forget what we've been through." "He made many mistakes." "But since he is not here to stand up for himself... we shouldn't badmouth him." "As long as you're here, he's here." "Still, blood is blood, father is father... and I liked him when he died." "I really liked him." "When I went to Goiás, you know what happened?" "Two cops beat me up." "They wanted to force me to believe in Jesus..." " Yeah!" "And in God too." " She's against Jesus and God." "And you?" "I'm not against Them, pay attention..." " We each have a point of view." " "Point of view" my ass!" "Stop being an idiot!" "Still talking like that?" "Take this shit." " We each have a point of view." " Stop being a fool!" "Stop being an idiot!" "Jesus was not..." "I'm not against Him, quite the opposite, I feel pity!" "I pity him!" "I've known him since before he was born." "It's a disgrace how stupid and stubborn you are." "Didn't I tell you, back at the hospital?" "Everything..." "I'm just saying that I have my point of view, you have yours." "Like hell!" "The wrong point of view!" "You like pink, I like yellow..." "What pink?" "What yellow?" "Do I have to like pink like you do?" "Colors aren't the issue here!" "Who told you I don't like Him?" "He's not what you think He is!" "You happen to know what I think?" " He's not what you think He is!" " You don't know what I think." " This book is Jehovah's Witness." " He's read a little, so..." "I read a lot of books, about all churches... all denominations, so I can reach a conclusion." " I study them, you see?" " He takes up a bit from each." "I learn according to the faith God has given me..." "ESTAMIRA'S SON" " That's good." "There, he fell." " He fell for it!" "He fell for it!" "He contradicted himself." " He's been brainwashed..." " The Bible says..." "Bible!" "Paper won't object to being used in the toilet, it's helpless!" "He's doing worse than me." "The worst thing is when people use the name of the Lord to make jokes." " To deceive." " Or to mock." "Stop, or this argument will go on forever." "Stop?" "She's not crazy, but she's not 100% alright." " Where is she?" "Outside?" " In the kitchen." "God forbid... but she'll die happier out in the streets than in a mental institution." "She prefers to live two years in freedom than five years... well locked up somewhere." "You didn't understand me." "I'm not saying she'd stay there her whole life... the little, or as long as she lives." "She'd stay just as long as..." "I think her problem is her nervous system." "In an institution she'd have to be sedated and tied up." "He's got more stomach than I do." "If she needs to be tied up, it's up to him." "I think... doing that is going too far." "I don't have the guts to let them do that." "I'll talk to you in a little while." "I'm felling the remote control..." "Here, you see?" "It gets inside me." "She lived with my father in a nice house." "EMPLOYEE'S ID CARD He was a construction foreman." "He made good money, owned a Kombi... owned a car." "She had golden jewelry... and I had some too." "He gave them to me." "Things were fine up to then." "They got along well, but he made her miserable... truly miserable, by cheating on her." "He even brought women to the house saying they were just friends." "She couldn't stand that and started arguing and cursing him." "He pulled a knife at her, she pulled a knife at him, it was a mess..." "Then he kicked us out of the house, and the hard times began." "I blame the lying hypocrite... the wise guy in reverse, you see?" "He who casts the stone yet hides his hand!" "The day before yesterday I had a fight with my very astral father!" "Did you hear it?" "Did you hear the deluge?" "You know what a deluge is?" "I had a fight!" "I did!" "I was having a fight with my astral father!" "If I wasn't married... and this gentleman wasn't married, I'd marry this gentleman." "And if I wasn't married, I'd marry her." "Whoa!" "I got married too many times." "I want nothing to do with women anymore." " I'd rather be alone and taut..." " Jerking off?" "Yeah." "It's better just to jerk off." "Columbina, where are you off to?" "I'm going to dance the rock-n-roll" "I warned you, dirty dog!" "You respect me, filthy beast!" "That's it." "He killed everybody." "She's my girlfriend." "I'm gonna marry that broad." "I'm gonna marry Estamira." "Whenever she wants." "I'm gonna make her up." "I'm almost as old as she is." "It is a good marriage." "Isn't it good?" "It's down right good." "I love you... but you are unworthy, incompetent, and I never want to see you again!" "I'm sorry..." "I loved you..." "I desired you... but you are unworthy, incompetent, foolish... worse than a filthy pig!" "Be warned, make good use of my advice, leave me alone!" "I prefer to be despised." "Move!" "You will never, ever... touch me again!" "When my mother began working at Jardim Gramacho... at first, she'd stay there for two weeks, sometimes one week... sleeping outdoors, who knows, sometimes in tents... sometimes just outdoors, up there, on the ramp." "Then she'd come home, bathe." "She'd be clean and perfect." "Only to go back again." "And so it was, for five years." "One day my brother and I said to her, "Mom, quit this life at the dump." "It's too hard, you have to sleep outdoors and stuff... "" "We argued that she could get cut by something and catch a disease." "She agreed, and left." "BEWARE NEUROTIC MONGRELS Then she got a job at a supermarket." "And on Fridays or Saturdays... she'd meet her colleagues... and go out for a beer or two." "When everybody parted company... she'd walk home alone." "One day she was raped downtown in Campo Grande." "Then she was raped a second time here on the street I live." "At that time there were no lights on this street." "She said... the guy had anal sex with her, as she screamed:" ""Stop that, for God's sake!"" ""What God?" "Forget God!", said the rapist." "He raped her in all sorts of ways, then told her to get lost." ""Get lost, auntie." "Get lost... "" "She cried angrily, disgusted as she recounted the episode." "In those days, she had no hallucinations... no disturbance whatsoever." "She was very religious... and believed that God was..." "That she was going through some sort of probation." "And so the hallucinations began." "She would come home... and say, "Dona Maria", who's my mother-in-law..." ""you believe that when I got to work today... somebody had made a macumba, a voodoo, against me?" "They think I'm afraid of this kind of nonsense?" "Instead of working to earn their living, some people... "" "So she tramped down the macumba, then threw it away... and said..." ""I don't believe in this nonsense." "God protects me." "God is almighty." "God is my guide and savior. " Okay." "A month later she started saying... that she thought she was being followed by the FBI." "That when she got on a bus... she thought she was being filmed... by someone with a hidden camera." "One day she sat at the backyard, glanced at the coconut trees... in fact, stared at it for a long time... then she turned to my mother-in-law and said..." ""This is power." "This is what's real." "Only this. "" "I think that day she gave up on God." "Now it's just "me, the real power and period"." "Bloody Punster... scoundrel... usurper of power... predictable, exposed!" "Treat me with my treat, and I will treat you." "Treat me with your treat and I will entreat you!" "I'll return your treat threefold." "This is intolerable!" "A person can't even walk in the street they live?" "!" "Nor even work at home!" "Nor work in any place at all!" "Unheard of!" "What God is that?" "What Jesus is that..." "THE KINGDOM OF GOD who only speaks of war?" "OUR IMMINENT" " UNIVERSAL KINGDOM Isn't he himself the Punster?" "Just for wise guys in reverse, assholes!" "Those afraid of telling the truth, have they avoided dying?" "Have they?" "They who go through life with God in their mouths... have they avoided dying?" "Those who did as they were told... by the ones from his gang, have they avoided dying?" "Have they avoided starving?" "Avoided poverty?" "Come on!" "It's no use!" "No one, nothing will change my being!" "I'm Estamira here, there, over there... in Hell, in Hells, in Heaven, in a pig's ass... fucking everywhere!" "It's no use!" "The more these misfortunes, these parasites of the filthy earth... of the accursed, unholy earth... deny man as the sole conditional... the more evil I become, the worse I get!" "Perverse, I am not." "But evil I am!" "And it's no use!" "Before I was born, I knew all of this!" "Before I had flesh and blood!" "Of course, I'm the brink of the world!" "I am Estamira." "I'm the brink." "I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere!" "They all depend on me, They all depend on Estamira!" "All of them!" "I'll do much worse when I disincarnate." "Mr. Leopoldo, the late Leopoldo Fontanive, my stepfather... he never gave any money to help my mother." "I spent a whole week calling those hospitals... that treat people's minds... to see if she could be taken in." "That was our agreement." "So I went to the hospital in Caxias." "First I went with my stepfather, in his car." "We got an ambulance and went to the dump." "When we got there, even the paramedics were afraid... of getting near her because she was biting at anything... and screamed the names of voodoo, macumba entities." "She was frothing like a wild beast... and wouldn't stop yelling, so they took a rope... and tied her hands back." "Then we went to the hospital in Caxias and upon arrival... we were told that they couldn't treat her there." "She had to go to Engenho de Dentro." "Off we went." "It's said that people never leave that place... without the authorization of a legal guardian." "I was the guardian... so I began to fill in the forms." "But they refused to take her in." "Not even the paramedics' arguments convinced them." "So we had to take her back to Caxias hospital." "They told me to wait for her to wake up." "When she did I said:" ""Mom, let's go?", and she started biting me." "I thought, "What can I do?" So I left her there." "That bastard Italian, with the help of that son of mine... caught me here, as though I was a beast, a monster... and handcuffed me!" "And that son of mine became contaminated by the filthy earth... by the insignificant, and behaved like a clown there in the hospital." "Ridiculous!" "I don't live for money." "I make money." "I make it." "You make it." "I don't live for it or because of it." "I make it." "Can't you see I'm making it now?" "Got it?" "The remote control attacked me again." "The negative, offending astro-bodies bothered me all night." "They're struggling to affect something in me... which they call heart, my heart, or my head." "But they're fucked!" "He is so powerful in reverse, the hypocrite, the scoundrel... the lying traitor, the debunked fraud... who imposes himself on my flesh, my fleshy shirt of blood..." "Estamira." "They're fucked." "They are so fucked, to hell with them!" "They dumped something very important here... food." "Canned food, preserves..." "Tomorrow, thanks to that, I'm going to prepare a fantastic spaghetti." "I already have the pasta." "Let me see this." "Right now, I can't recall how they name this." "But it's a preserve." "It's imported." "And it's good." "Take a look." "I also put this in the..." "I eat it straight, heart of palm." "A very good load was dumped, see?" "I put it in the spaghetti sauce as well." "Sometimes it turns out better than at a restaurant." "If you know how to prepare it, that is." "There is the lucid, the one I wrote about." "The lucid is this here." "There is the conscious." "The conscious is the knowing." "And Jesus cannot read nor write... but he learned of everything, just by watching the lucid." "Your lucidity impairs your sight" "The non-lucidity and the lucidity." "The lucidity and the non-lucidity." "Okay." "And sentiment as well." "Conscious, lucid and aware." "And there is the sentiment." "Okay." "The thing that... keeps taking, sheltering, recording, is the sentiment." "Now for example... sentimentally, visibly, invisibly... in a transparent form, as I've told you..." "I'm in a faraway place, in a faraway space." "Estamira is far away." "Estamira is every place." "Estamira could be a sister... or daughter, or wife... of the space, but she is not." "Hold on, I'm on my way down." "Look, there I am." "I am here and there." "You do not learn at school, you copy." "You learn with occurrences." "My two-year old grandson already knows that." "He is two, and hasn't yet gone to school to copy... hypocrisies and charlatan lies!" "You hear that?" "B" " T-G-P-T-1-4-0-5-9!" "Ten-four, Eshu." "Speak up, Magete, say something." "Huh?" "19-3, 19-3, you read me?" "Bye." "JESUS CHRIST IS THE LORD" "UNIVERSAL CHURCH OF THE KINGDOM OF GOD" "JOSÉ MILLER PSYCHOSOCIAL CLINIC" "MENTAL HEALTH PROGRAM The doctor asked me if I still hear... the voices I heard before." "I hear the astro-bodies... the things, the premonition of all things... and at times I wonder how can I remain lucid." "Fleshless Estamira... invisible Estamira sees;" "sees and feels everything." "That's how I know I really am Estamira." "Sometimes I get to thinking... but I'm not a robot of blood, I'm not a robot." "I told Dr. Alice:" ""Sometimes it seems my head is giving me electrical shocks:" "Tzaan. "" "But I feel no pain, just distress and shocks." "It hits hard, like waves in the ocean." "Just like the waves in the ocean." "And she prescribed some medicine for rage." "I was very disappointed, very sad... deeply angered that she would say something like that." "And you know what else she said?" "She asked God to help her... 'cause that was magic, telepathy media and the fuck." "Why, man, why?" "She offended me more than enough." "Look." "She'll only follow up in 40 days!" "DATE" " ATTENDANCE Pay attention to this." "I know doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors who are for real... who are honest, you know?" "She is a copycat." "I'm her friend, I like her, I wish her well." "I wish all of them well, but she is a copycat." "You know what they're doing?" "They're doping, prescribing the same drug to everyone!" "No way." "The medication wants to know more than Estamira?" "Take heed." "It must be as follows:" "If the medication is good for you, stop it." "Give it a rest." "If it is bad for you... go back and complain, as I did three times." "On the fourth attempt, I managed to be seen." "Got it?" "But I don't wish them ill." "They're copying, though!" "That Diazepam drug, for instance!" "If I take Diazepam and if I'm visibly, naturally insane..." "I become more insane!" "Did you understand this Diazepam now?" "But no." "They only copy it." "Some small talk and copy!" "Take it!" "What's the matter, son?" "I can't allow that, no, sir!" "So every day, every month, I'm at the same stage?" "I just go there and pick up the same medication?" "No way!" "It's forbidden!" "Besides..." "No way!" "Do you understand now?" "I'm not kidding, I'm serious!" "Here." "You must see what this medicine is like." "I was going to return it to her because those addicts of theirs... and I'm not... might need it and it is here." "Because in the military college, when I was operated on here... can you see?" "Here, understand?" "They gave me some medication, but I went back there... to the military college in Botafogo... and returned the medication." "I spoke to the doctor and returned it." "Because I didn't need it." "I'm the one who knows my needs, the client knows, but they dope... they drug, they mess with the filthy accursed, unholy, shameless earth!" "And more!" "Predictable, debunked, shameless fraud!" "Everything I was prescribed I guzzled down." "The quantities." "The limits." "There's a limit to everything!" "These drugs come from the doping gang... who wants to blind man and make him accept God... a fraudulent God!" "You understand?" "These drugs dope you and make you accept a fraudulent God, understand?" "She asked God to help her, so she is the Punster!" "About twelve years ago..." "I was a truck driver and worked as a volunteer in a hospital." "And I got to know a very nice lady... who came to my house one day with this little girl... by her hand, and said, "Angela, I have a gift for you. "" "I said, "Don't tell me it's this sweet little darling. "" "She said: "Yeah, I brought this shy little girl for you to take care of. "" "I said, "Where did she come from?"" "So she told me the girl's story:" "She lived in the streets with her mother, who rummaged through trash." "Her older brother didn't want that life for her." "He was worried about it." "Then she said..." ""I'll arrange a meeting so her siblings get to know you... 'cause there is a problem:" "Her sister wants her in a boarding school." "But her brother thinks she'll be better off with a foster family. "" "But the brother was the eldest and decided the matter." "I got the little girl." "Until then I had only heard of Estamira." "I heard she lived on the streets, was a beggar... and earned her living at a dump." "One year later I started taking the girl to see her mother." "The reunion was very dramatic." "The girl trembled from head to toe when she saw her mother." "I had to lie to Estamira for her to respect me... and not claim the girl back, we feared she'd want her." "So I told Estamira I was a social worker..." "CERTIFICATE with a public boarding school... and the judge had made me the girl's guardian to keep her off the streets." "I made up this story... with Hernani's consent, of course, so her mother would comply... and not try to take the girl back." "The girl wanted a family so badly... that she really clung to us, with all her might." "Maria Rita, come in here." " Good afternoon." " Good afternoon, daddy's face." " Pretty one!" " Are you okay?" " What took you so long?" " The car broke down." " Are you alright, mom?" " Yes, I am." "For me, who lived there, Jardim Gramacho is a work place..." "ESTAMIRA'S DAUGHTER but the image I keep from there... is somewhat macabre, because I lived through a lot there." "Most of it was bad." "I rummaged through trash." "I think I was six years old back then... because I went to live with my foster mother when I was about eight." "I was almost eight." "Having to beg was terrible." "We had to beg a lot, work a lot to earn enough for a sandwich." "It's very... very sad, they took me away from my mother... my brother took me away, and I grew up... wondering how I could help her... despite how hard it is to do that." "Honestly... if I had had the choice, I wouldn't have left her." "I really wouldn't have." "Still, if Gramacho remains open, you can bet she'll die there." "Be sure of that." "Let's cook the spaghetti?" " Let's cook the spaghetti." " Let's go, then." "Honestly, I'd like to cook just like my mother." " What?" " I'd like to cook like my mother... because she cooks really well." "It's not that great." "Get out of there." "Am I on your way?" "My mother, I think she's afraid of world... because once she told me that she thinks God doesn't exist." "She gets nervous when people talk about God." "She came to a point in her life... that she's lost all her faith." "What lacks for my mother is faith." "What she realizes as the Real Supreme Power... in which case would be God, who is supreme..." "God my ass!" "You don't even know what God is!" "The Book of Genesis says, at the end it says..." ""Make men our image and according to our likeness... "" "In the Apocalypse, the final book of the New Testament..." "I won't trade this food for the world." ""The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked:" "...who can know it?" Jeremiah, 17/9." " How sad!" ""All we like sheep have gone astray... we've turned everyone to his own way and the Lord hath laid upon him... "" " Deliverance!" "Deliverance!" " "... the iniquity of us all. "" "My ear is not a toilet, sucker!" "Suckers really get on my nerve." "I didn't know suckers were flourishing in my house." " Granny!" " D'ya understand?" ""There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof... are the ways of death"." "Proverbs 14/12." "Up yours, you tramp!" ""For whosever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point... he is guilty of all"." "James, 2/10." "Hell, go to heaven, go fuck yourself!" "You, stupid idiot!" "Get the fuck out of here!" "Up yours!" "You stupid idiot!" "My ear is no toilet!" "In my house!" "In my own house, damn it!" "I didn't shit this house!" "It didn't come out of my ass." "I worked hard for it!" "Night and day, under the sun and in the mud!" "Go to hell!" "Go to heaven, go fuck yourself!" "Up yours!" "Get lost, disgrace!" "Go to hell!" "Go to heaven, fuck off!" "Shove it up of your disgrace!" "Go to heaven, go to hell, go fuck yourself!" "That's the result of bad things." "Up yours, you filthy low-life!" " Well, Shalom..." "Adonai." " Up yours!" "Up yours!" "Shove it up of your disgrace!" "All these pastors are swindlers, bums, vagabonds." "All of them!" "They're worse than priests." "Worse than..." "Absolute!" "Conscious, lucid, and aware!" "Absolute!" "I'm crazy, I'm loony, I'm mad." "I'm insane, all four of them." "Yet, I am conscious, lucid and... sentimentally aware." "I only began to reveal in 1986." "Revealing for real, because there was a lot of abuse." "That is why I'm revealing the Comet is within my head." "Do you know what the word Comet means?" "Commander." "Natural commander." "Commander." "So, as I..." "The constellation... all the environment became angry at the comet, is angry at the comet." "There are certain perverse... negative astro-bodies... that are angry at the comet because the comet thought... it did not have to seek out a carcass like mine." "Gets back again." "Look for a carcass like what?" "Mary of Israel, mother of Jesus, Who conceived Jesus!" "Jesus, son of David Carvalhense!" "Stay in control, stay in control..." "The comet is big." "That's why I feel sick, the carcass, the flesh." "Because it's very big." "It's not the size you see it." "The Comet is not up there in outer space." "Up there you see its reflection." "The Comet is down here!" "It's not up there, it's down here." "What you see up there is its reflection." "The moon is up on that hill." "It's not up there, that's its reflection, its contour." "Stay in control..." "Stay in control..." "This here is a slave disguise." "Slaves disguised as free men." "Princess Isabel, she set them free... but didn't give them jobs." "They go hungry... eat anything, just like animals." "They have no education." "So, it's very sad." "CHRISTMAS 2001" "The deal was... feed your body with your own sweat... not with sacrifice!" "Sacrificing is one thing, working is something else." "Absolute!" "Absolute!" "I, Estamira, tell the whole world!" "To everybody!" "Work, not sacrifice." "Listen, I don't abuse of her." "Estamira, do I abuse of you?" " No, you don't." " I never abused of her." "Only one day you got mad at me." " Who?" "I got mad at you?" " You got mad at me." " Then I must've been drunk." " I'm gonna say something now." "Go ahead." "Whenever she gets sick here..." "Hold on." "Easy." "That's enough." "Be quiet for a while." " Let me say something serious." " Go ahead, no problem." " I was wondering..." " Go ahead, no problem." " Come on, João, settle down." " Speak up, Estamira." " Something serious I want to say..." " Okay." "It's not for my sake..." " Why, I didn't say anything..." " I'm talking here, please." "I'm out of here." "Marcos, I'm out." " Please, go!" " I'm out, okay, Marcos?" "I mean..." "I'm not guiding, I don't want to guide anyone." "I'm merely warning, because I have the feeling..." "Did you get it?" "I'm too drunk." "When I'm sober it's different, you see?" "I esteem everybody, respect everybody, you see?" "I'm respectful." "Everyday he lies down over there." "If we forbid him for fear, he might get burnt, he gets angry." "I feel sorry for him." "João is a good person, you know?" "I pity him very much." "He's a good man." "He reads and writes very well." "But these things happen, anyway." "It is the Punster who does that to people." "Man cannot be uncivilized." "All men must be equal, must be communist." "Communism." "Communism is equality." "People don't need to do the same kind of work... nor eat the same kind of food." "But equality is the ordinance... given by who revealed man as the sole conditional." "And man is the sole conditional, whatever his color is." "I'm Estamira, I don't matter." "I could be whichever color." "I, in the form of "even man"... but I'm Estamira, and I'll not admit that, I don't like... anyone offending colors or beauty." "What matters, pretty is what people have done or do." "Ugly is what people have done or do." "That's what's ugly." "Being uncivilized is ugly." "Superior communism... the only communism." "I want peace in my life." "Peace." "Suffering, nevermore." "Merry Christmas!" "Merry Christmas, that's all." "I, Estamira, visible and invisible." "I have several surnames." "These surnames come from various places." "Unfortunately, my mother's father was born into the Ribeiros..." "They're all policeman, generals, and those sorts." "He is a rapist." "He raped... my mother and abused me too." "My depression is immense." "My depression has no cure." "When I was nine years old..." "I asked him to buy me a pair of sandals... so I could wear them to a party." "He said he'd only buy them if I slept with him." "I don't like my mother's father because... when I was twelve, he took me to Goiás Velho... to this house... to a brothel." "It was a brothel, and I prostituted myself there." "It belonged to his daughter." "HERNANI'S FATHER Hernani's father met me there... where my grandfather had left me, at the brothel." "I was 17 by then." "ESTAMIRA AT 17 YEARS OLD He really liked me, so he took me in... and set up a house for me." "But Hernani's father had many women." "I couldn't bear it." "I left all my belongings in the house and took the boy." "Took the boy and moved to Brasilia." "I was living at an aunt's house in Brasilia... when I met the Italian, Carolina's father, who took me to his house." "Things worked out and we decided to live together." "But he also had many women." "I lived with him for twelve years." "I gave birth to Carolina and to that other one, by C-section." "The one by C-section was born invisible." "This invisible one is the one who helps me most." "CHRISTMAS 2002" "What kind of God is that?" "A God that rapes, a God that betrays?" "A Punster who doesn't respect mothers nor fathers?" "Where's your aunt Maria Rita?" "Where is uncle Hernani, who lives right there at your mother's house?" "It's useless." "It's useless to try to forget me" "Because I'll still be curing Your life for a long time" "If you intend to know who I am" "I can tell you" " Now what?" " On Santos winding road" "You will get to know me" "If by chance on some curve You remind me of my world" "Grandma, why are you so angry at God?" "What has He done to you?" "What do you know about God?" "What do you know about God?" "You're still a brat!" "I thought you were brighter!" "You are only ten years old." "You'll see when you get older." "I hope you get to grow up." "I hope you get to grow up!" "If it weren't for Him, you wouldn't be here now." "Without Him, you couldn't be here now." "Watch it!" "You better respect me." "I don't want to lose my temper!" "I don't want to lose it because you're my grandson!" "Is God stuck up your ass?" "Is God up your ass, for you to talk to me like that?" "I'm sixty two years old!" "You think you know about God more than I do?" "I come to your house because I pity your mother!" "I pity your mother because I gave birth to her!" "It wasn't God who gave birth to your mother!" "It was me!" "Right here!" "She was born from here!" "Your mother was born from here!" "Here!" "Right here!" "That's why I come to your house, otherwise I wouldn't." "That's why I'm here." "I'm the one who gave birth to her, not God!" "I gave birth to your mother!" "Take that God of yours and fuck off!" "Go to hell, go to heaven, fuck off!" " Today I'm so sad" " Mom, where's the beer?" "I'd like to talk to the devil" "Were you arguing with your grandma?" "You are completely nuts You are completely nuts" "Hand me a cola, Carol." "Please, dear Carol, please." "Oh, there's no glass over there." ""No, it wasn't God who made your mother." "It was me!"" "She pulled down her pants: "Here!"" "I told you, when she starts like that, don't argue." "Just shut up, be quiet." "I'm perfect." "I'm perfect." "My children are common." "I'm perfect!" "I'm better than Jesus and I'm proud of it!" "If you want to do to me worse than you did to Jesus... go ahead!" "Death is wonderful." "Death owns it all." "Death owns it all." " God!" " Mother?" "Men are the Creators of God!" "Mom, how can I make a quick coffee?" "Rum me down, rum me down" "I'm seeing the frog-girl!" "I'm seeing the frog-girl!" "It's funny..." "I'm not sure if "as incredible as it may seem" is the right term... but what I miss most in my life is my mother." "What I remember most, in every moment, is my mother." "One day my mother asked me:" ""Baby, have you seen them?"" "I asked her, "Them, who?" She said, "Them are many of them. "" "The astro-bodies that tormented her." "She was referring to the offending, negative astro-bodies." "I'm of the positive kind, not of the negative kind." "I'm of the useful, positive astro-bodies." "My father mistreated her too much." "He told her:" ""Either you commit your mother, or we'll not live together. "" "First he called the ambulance to take my mother away." "He called for a doctor with a strait jacket and the doctor said:" ""She is not the case for a strait jacket, there's no need for that"." "He kept pestering me, pestering me... until I took my mother to Engenho de Dentro." "We went by train." "Poor mother, so innocent." "I left her there, at the mental institution." "PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL ENGENHO DE DENTRO - 1970'S" "The following Thursday..." "I paid her a visit." "Her arm was bruised all over." "I said, "What happened to you, ma?" She said, "It was that scoundrel!"" "He had given her shocks, beaten her up." "Her arm was all bruised." "ESTAMIRA'S MOTHER" "Grandma used to call her "Estanira":" ""Estanira, have mercy, take me out of here, Estanira!"" "I pitied her, but I had to leave her there." "I said, "I'll come back later, mom, to see you, to take you with me. "" "As soon as she left my father... the first thing she did, she left us at somebody's house... and went for her mother, the following day." "My grandma remained with us until she died." "To avoid carrying this burden, she carries until today..." "I never tried to do the same to my mother." "Even today, she feels this guilt." "She still weeps over this." "Estamira!" "DOCTOR'S OFFICE" "Oh my..." "Life is way too hard, isn't it?" "Life is very, very hard." "Life has no pity on us." "Life is cruel." "No matter how much we strive." "The more we love... the more we wish things for the best, the more we... feel lost." "There's something ringing in my ears." "It sounds like tiimmm..." "I think it's the medicine, you know?" "Because I take a lot of medicine, a lot." "And all this medicine is doping me." "I guess that's why my tongue is like this." "I'm in disarray, in disarray." "You know what's a person in disarray?" "Someone nervous, who wants to talk, but feels incapable of." "Someone afflicted." "I don't know what to do about it." "I have considered not taking the medicine for a year." "Because sometimes my head seems like... a glass full of Alka-Seltzer, effervescent." ""I hereby make known that Estamira Gomes de Souza... afflicted by... a chronic condition of psychosis... auditory hallucinations... ideas of influence... mystical discourse... shall remain under ongoing... psychiatric treat... treatment. "" "Well, whoever has a mental disability... is useless." "Those with mental problems..." "Well, disturbance is also part of it." "I've been thinking, disturbance is also a mental problem... but it is not a disability, right?" "Disturbance is disturbance." "Anyone can be disturbed." "My sister, Maria Rita, is a big concern of my mother's... because she is twenty-one, still she hasn't... she hasn't found her way yet." "I blame none of the three." "But I tell them..." "At times I feel resentful towards them." "Mother raised both of them... with just enough food, so I think she should've raised me too." "She was able to raise me, but they couldn't see it." "I did." "I think I could have survived with my mother." "Angela asked me, "You want to see your mother?"" "I said, "I do"." "I got there, looked at her, she was lying down." "She looked back at me." "I remembered my mother..." "I remembered her, I remembered I had a mother... but after all that time... when I finally saw her, I remember it as if it were today." "She was sitting on the floor of the porch... when I got there." "They said, "Look, it's your mother"." "My brother said, "Go see your mother"." "When I saw her, I felt afraid of her." "I feared they'd take me away from Angela and make me go back to her." "I was frightened, and I thought, "Gosh, my mother is like this!"" "It's still confusing." "I still don't know if living with Angela was for the best." "I don't know if leaving my mother was for the best." "But my mother... my mother Estamira, she deserves better." "She's gonna make it." "After she went to the dump, to Gramacho..." "I think..." "I think she improved a lot... in regards to her disturbances." "Sometimes she says things that even seem to be the truth." "You feel shaken." "My brother doesn't agree." "My brother thinks she is... completely possessed by some evil force." "Today my mother is in the state you've seen her in." "After all she's been through in life..." "I'm not judging her, I'm not angry at her..." "I just avoid going to her house... and talking to her because... every time I talk to her, she blasphemes against God." "SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST CHURCH She confuses everything..." "God and religion..." "Clinically speaking, she is utterly... insane." "There's even a medical diagnosis." "But, spiritually speaking... believe it or not, there is demoniac influence, demons." "They make her invent all those names and act strange." "I was getting tired of that, I got too upset... so I asked God, in my faith, in my prayers, I said..." ""I only want to see my mother at her house or mine... when You assure me, Lord, that she's been forgiven... freed and cured by You, Lord, because You can everything. "" "Men are worse than the quadrupolous." "A disappointment for all spaces." "A disappointment for the one who revealed man as the sole conditional." "Awful." "It saddens me, it shames me, it disgusts me!" "What can I do?" "I wish I'd disincarnate!" "But if I disincarnate now, I won't have fulfilled my mission." "My mission is to reveal, to whoever it may be, no matter what." "My head works hard." "But the Punster even drew... my relatives away from me." "They can't see it either." "They're doing what Pilate... did to Jesus." "They've beaten me with a stick to make me accept God." "But this kind of God, their God... this filthy God, this rapist God... this all-usurping God... this home-wrecking God... this kind of God, I do not accept." "Not even if they chop me up." "Not even if they chop me up with a knife, a machete, or whatever..." "I won't accept it." "No way." "I am the truth." "I am the truth." "Man is superior on earth, the superior animal." "Man is also an animal, but superior to the others." "The Punster did this." "I'm gonna reveal." "If someone wants to kill me, do it now." "Wasn't Jesus killed?" "Isn't Jesus greater now that he is dead?" "But not me, with me is different." "The answer is... fire." "The only answer... is fire." "Incinerate all the space, the beings... and replenish the space with other beings." "The earth used to speak, but now the earth is dead." "The earth said she'd no longer be a witness to anything." "Look what happened to her." "We were on bad terms for a long time and I told her... we'd stay that way 'til she proved me wrong." "The earth proved me wrong." "She proved me wrong because she is helpless." "Earth is helpless." "My flesh, my blood is helpless like the earth." "But me, Estamira, my aura is not helpless." "If you want to burn all spaces and I'm in the midst... go ahead and do it, I am in the midst, invisible." "If you want to burn my sentiment, my flesh, my blood... for the greater good, for the truth... on behalf of all the beings' lucidity, do it now, this very second." "I will even thank you for it." "I, Estamira, I don't agree with life." "I will not change my being." "I was conceived like this." "I was born like this and I'll not tolerate... the occurrences that happen and... have been happening to the sanguine... carnivorous, terrestrial beings." "I don't like mistakes, I don't like suspicions..." "I don't like mistreatment, nor perversity..." "I don't like humiliation..." "I don't like immorality!" "The fire is with me now." "It is burning me... it is testing me." "Sentiment, all astro-bodies have sentiment." "This astro-body, Estamira, will not change her being." "I will not yield my being to anything." "I'm Estamira, and that's that." "Definitely Estamira." "Sirene!" "Sirene!" "Fuck!" "Ouch!" "I never had any luck." "The only luck I've ever had was getting to know..." "Mr. Jardim Gramacho, the dump, Mr. Cisco Monturo... whom I love and adore... just as I cherish my children, just as I cherish my friends." "Mother cannot go just now." "Mother cannot go just now." "I never had... that which I am:" "Good fortune." "Sirene!" "Sirene!" "I'm not going now." "I can't go now, Sirene." "Sirene, I can't go now, Sirene." "I can't go now, Sirene!" "Come on, Sirene!" "Dejanir, submerge." "Dejanir, submerge." "Dejanir, another daughter of mine." "A marine daughter." "They're marine daughters." "All that is imaginary has, exists, is." "You know that all that is imaginary exists, and is, and has?" "So it is." "TO THOMAZ"