"ROB:" "Honey, did you get my message?" "I can't believe it." "Out of the 12 different designs for the fountain, they picked mine." "I have a surprise for you!" "Yeah, well, I got a surprise for you, baby." "Yeah, that's right." "ALL:" "Hey..." "Bye!" "Drive carefully!" "Thanks for coming!" "All right." "For God's sakes, what the hell were they doing here again?" "You know, they're like a bunch of crickets, you know?" "They just, like, make a lot of noise and go around eating everything." "You know, I think it was sweet they came over." "It's almost like you're part of the family now." "Not all families are like this, you know?" "So touch-feely, huggy, being together all the time, you know?" "There's probably a couple of your cousins in the laundry room right now." "That happened once." "Well, you're about to see what my family's like, because... my dad's flying in tomorrow." "Really?" "Your dad?" "When did this happen?" "I called him two months ago, after we got married, and then he just texted me back today." "So you know he's pretty excited about it." "He said, "Hey, coming in 3:45 P.M. tomorrow." ""Don't worry about picking me up." "I prefer to take public transportation."" "I can't believe I'm finally gonna meet him." "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm." "And you haven't seen him in a while either, right?" "I saw him about a year ago." "He was out here on business." "We went to a baseball game." "Ah." "Not together, but I saw him on the Jumbotron." "You didn't sit together?" "No, but we were all part of the same wave, you know?" "Rob, I don't know." "It doesn't sound like you two are very close." "No, we're great." "Hey, did I ever tell you about the day my parents got divorced?" "Hilarious." "(laughs)" "My dad was just sitting in the car, staring straight ahead, and he said," ""Don't forget to water the lawn""" "Then he drove away." "He just drove away?" "Yeah, and every time we get together, it's like our littlehing." "First thing he says to me is," ""How's the lawn?"" "It's like our little joke, you know?" "At least I think it's a joke, you know, he's so deadpan." "That doesn't sound so funny." "I don't know, Maggie;" "I love you, but your family doesn't have the best sense of humor." "I mean, humor no bueno." "Okay, I'm all set." "Okay." "God, I hope he likes the fruit and cheese plate, you know?" "He's gonna be pretty hungry after that long flight." "I'm sure he'll love it." "I arranged the cheese alphabetically, you know?" "I could have done it by country of origin, but either way," " I'm pretty sure Manchego goes there." " Rob, setie, relax." " Everything's gonna be fine." " Okay, okay." "Hey, do you think it's okay if I call him Dad?" "Yes, you can." "I don't." "I usually call him George." "He usually calls pal or kiddo." "(Doorbell rings)" "Ooh, okay." "Okay, he's here." "Hey." "George!" "Hey, champ." "How's the lawn?" "What?" "ROB:" "What?" "(laughs) He's hilarious." "Come on in, come on in." "Hey, I'd love for you to meet my lovely wife, Maggie." "Ah." "Hi." "It's very nice to meet you, Maggie." "In his text, Rob said you were GR number eight." "But you're much more beautiful than he described." "Thank you." "Hey, I brought you a little something." "Oh, you didn't have to do that." ""I'm your biggest fan." "Rothman Industrial Fans."" "If you know anyone who needs a large-sized industrial fan," "I'm your guy." "Tell them I sent you;" "I'll get the commission." "Hey, well, come on in." "God, you got be hungry after that flight, huh?" "Yeah." "All they had on the plane was that damn fruit and cheese." "(Sighs)" "Hey, Rob, um, why don't you tell your father your good news?" "Ah, it's not such a big deal." "Ah..." "It's just that the city chose me to design the new fountain in front of the Pasadena Courthouse." "Two-million-dollar project." "I remember when that was a lot of money." "Yeah, yeah, me too." "So much less now." "Well, I think I'll go put my bag away and finish reading that magazine they had on the plane." "I took it with me." "Don't tell anybody." "All righty." "(Chuckling)" "He's great, huh?" "Huh?" "Told you." "Rob?" "You haven't seen him in a year, and he leaves to read an airline magazine?" "They're a lot better now than they used to be." "God, those Sudoku puzzles just lifted it to another level." "You invited him here?" "You're not curious to meet Rob's father?" "I wouldn't mind putting a face to the man to blame." "But the last in-law I let in the house never left." "Hey, that's me you're talking about." "He's talking about me." "The pork is in the oven, the masa's ready to go." " Yeah." " And the chiles are on the stove, boiling." "You got all that?" "Okay." "Yeah, yeah." "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait." "What was the third one again?" "The chilies." "Okay." "Okay." "And what was the first one again?" "The pork." "One more question." "What was the third one again?" "You really think you can teach this tonto how to cook?" "By the time we're finished, my baby brother is gonna know how to make tamales every bit as good as me, huh?" "And then I can sell them from Cousin Eduardo's food truck and make a fortune." "That's right." "And I can use that fortune to be rich!" "Yeah, well, I'll believe it when I see it." "You and your mother did everything for him since the day he was born." "He can't even tie his own shoes." "I can." "I just choose not to." "He's perfectly capable of learning how to do this." "Okay, so keep an eye on everything for a minute." " Yeah." " And you, you don't do anything." "He's got to do this on his own." "I wouldn't dream of it." "(Timer dings)" "Oh, my God." "What do I do?" "(Mutters)" "(shudders)" "(groans)" "I didn't lift a finger." "He did it all on his own." "Hola." "(all greeting) ROB:" "Hey, everyone." "I'd like you all to meet George." "Hey, hello, best friend's father!" "Thank you, thank you for making Rob." "So, you're George, huh?" "We've heard next to nothing about you." "Come on, you're family!" "Gimme a hug." "He doesn't like that." "You don't want to be, uh..." "Come on, give me some sugar." "(Chuckling)" "Good to see ya." "Welcome." "Oh!" "You must be Maggie's beautiful mother." "Why, yes, I am." "Now tell me, why doesn't Maggie wear her pretty hair more like yours?" "But I suppose it must be a lot of work." "It's natural." "No!" "Yes." "Just let me know when it's too much, okay?" "Let me know." "And this is my Abuelita." "Oh, no, you're too young to be someone's grandmother." "Debe haber gun error, no?" "You speak Spanish?" "I can get by." "I was stationed in Spain when I was in the Navy." "You were in the Navy?" "!" "No kidding." "I was on the Nimitz!" "The Nimitz?" "That bird farm?" "Bubble head." "Skimmer puke." "Get outta here..." "You guys... are talking about boats, huh?" "The Nimitz is a ship." "Yeah." "Oh!" "Fruit and cheese!" "I love it!" "So, a food truck, eh?" "Yeah, yeah." "Well, how did you think of that?" "Well, it just hit me one day." "And when I got up off the street, I said, "That's it""" "See, you are a visionary." "You are the Vincent Van Gogh of travelling food." "Yeah." "Hey, sorry it's taken so long, you know?" "I know my in-laws can be a little over the top." "Actually, I find they're delightful." "No, no, no, no." "You are delightful, eh?" "Well, uh, you want me to warm up the car?" "Don't be silly." "I'm having a wonderful conversation with this fascinating young man." "So, Hector... may I call you Hector?" "It would save a lot of confusion." "Listen, while Rob was just talking to me," "I was thinking about your food truck idea." "And that Hector, he's going places, mark my words." "He's a real outside- the-box thinker." "Well, you know that fountain that I'm designing?" "We're using 60,000 pounds of Japanese slate." "Huh, imagine that." "He's going to cook the food right in the truck." "Okay, good night." "Good night, George." "If you need a towel or... (door slams)" "What a character, huh?" "Isn't he?" "Rob, the man ignored you all night." "No, he didn't." "Look, Rob, I'm your wife." "You can tell me how you really feel." "What do you expect me to say?" "I've never been more miserable in my entire life?" "I have absolutely no relationship with that man?" "Oh, my God." "Sweetie, look, I-I'm sure he cares about you." "You know, maybe he just has trouble showing it." "You think?" "Yeah." "Hey, buddy?" "Sorry to interrupt, but there's something" "I've been meaning to say to you ever since I got here." "Really?" "What is it?" "Could I borrow your toothpaste?" "They took mine at the airport." "And it was way less than that three ounces." "You know, it all makes sense now." "All those years of hide-and-seek with my dad," "I just thought I was a really good hider." "Maybe this is a chance to make things better." "Spend more time with him." "You know, do one of those father-son bonding things." "That sounds great." "Yeah." "What do fathers and sons do?" "Well, a friend of mine and his father used to go mountain climbing in Alaska." "You know, they'd be gone for two weeks at a time." "He said it was the best thing they ever did." "Uh-huh." "What else you got?" "Another friend of mine used to go deep-sea fishing." "Well, I get seasick in the shower." "You could go get a beer with him." "A beer?" "With him?" "Same bar?" "Yes." "All right, it's worth a shot." "Hey, George, uh, can I speak with you for a second?" "Hey, you got hi-def." "World War II documentaries just look so sharp on this thing." "I feel like I could reach out and pluck Hitler right off the screen." "Hey, I was thinking if you're not too busy later maybe we can go grab a beer." "Sure, okay." "So..." "Goebbels had blue eyes;" "Who knew?" "Well, that was a quiet car ride." "It looked like you were having enough trouble." "Anyway, the important thing is that we're here, you know?" "We get to spend some time together, just you and me." "Hey, fellas, right over here!" "Hey, George!" "Hey." "Hey, I didn't know he was gonna be here." "Best friend." " Best father. (chuckles)" " You invited them?" "Well, I thought if it was just the two of us, things might get a little slow." "Hey, what are you drinking?" "More than you." "(laughs) Eh..." "Now, why don't all the pretty waitresses wear their hair more like yours?" "But I suppose it's a lot of trouble, huh?" "Hector?" "Yes?" "(Snaps fingers) Monica." "GEORGE:" "Hey, hold on a minute, lovebirds." "Did you ever think that maybe Monica is mad because you don't pay enough attention to her?" "That's very important to people." "Now, what say I buy you kids a couple of beers" " and we talk it out?" "Come on." " Yeah." "Your dad's the same as mine. (chuckles)" "Life of the party." "Then he'd get home and shut down just like a Chrysler plant." "Sounds familiar." "Well, it's the only thing you and I have in common." "I thought that's why I'd mention it." "But if you ever want things to change, you got to confront him." "You got to make him look you in the eye." "Is that what you did with your dad?" "(Scoffs):" "No." "I got him to look at my hat once, though." "But if I had, maybe just once I could've had a conversation with him." "Maybe just once I could've heard him say," ""Nando, be careful, or someday your daughter might elope with a jackass."" "We almost had a nice moment for a second." "Hey, worked for me." "Hector, you want to shoot a couple of baskets over there?" "HECTOR:" "Well..." "I don't really know how." "That's okay." "I always wanted to teach someone." "Okay!" "You know, it's funny." "My dad liked Hector, too." "(Chuckles) Go figure." "I'm sorry." "I overcooked the chilies." "No, no, mi amor, it happens." "I'm sorry I undercooked the pork." "No, it happens." "I'm sorry your car keys ended up in that tamale." "Yeah, that was a first for me." "I know what you're thinking, Rosa." "That you're a terrible teacher." "But... you must get those thoughts out of your head, huh?" "Come on." "It's all my fault." "No." "No, no, no, no." "Yeah." "Hector, do not talk like that." "It is not your fault." "We all make mistakes." "That's how we learn." "But you know what?" "We're gonna do this again." "You have it in you;" "I feel it." "So let's just concentrate." "Concentrate." "We know what we want to achieve." "You know, at first if you don't succeed, what do you do?" "You try, try again." "I mean, you should've seen me learning how to make enchiladas." "A dog wouldn't eat it." "It made me so mad." "You know what?" "We can just pretend it never..." "Oh!" "Shoo!" "(exhaling loudly)" "Better." "Hey, George, I, uh, kind of want to have a conversation with you." "Rob, let me tell you something." "There are ham sandwiches, and there are ham sandwiches." "This is a ham sandwich!" "Well," "I don't want to talk to you about your lunch." "I'd like to talk about..." "About what?" "About some feelings." "Whoops." "Apple juice alert." "Be right back." "Look, I-I want to talk to you about our relationship." "Okay." "Really?" "Sure, anything you want." "Okay." "It's just, e-every time..." "Dang, you're fresh out." " Let me just run down to the store." " N-No, we need to talk right now." "Like father and son." "Sure, sure." "Hey, what's in here, a laundry room?" "No, look, I'm not letting you out of this." "There are things I need to say to you, okay?" "Why do you pay attention to everybody except me?" "Is it something I did?" "Something I didn't do?" "Hey, you got those energy-saver bulbs." "Good on you." "Hey, I'm down here." "Look at me." "Was that so hard?" "(Groans)" "I can't believe I gave my dad a heart attack." "That's the biggest response I've ever gotten out of him." "I'm just gonna leave you two alone, okay?" "(Door opens)" "(door closes)" "Hey, George, I don't know if you can hear me, but..." "I didn't mean for this to happen." "It's just, after seeing Maggie's relationship with her parents, I just wish ours was different." "I wish you would've told me stories about being in the Navy, taught me how to play basketball, or taught me some Spanish." "I could've used that right now." "I just wish you were interested... in me." "What are you guys still doing here?" "What do you mean?" "Well, I told your father half an hour ago all the tests were negative." "He's the healthiest guy on the floor." "I can explain." "You faked a heart attack?" "That's what it looks like, doesn't it?" "You faked a heart attack just so you wouldn't have to talk to me?" "Yeah." "Sorry, I was thinking in the ambulance ride over here maybe I pushed it too far." "I can't believe you kept it up through the defibrillator." "Yeah, that was tough." "You're right." "I never have been able to talk to you." "Why?" "Why do you turn it on for everybody else, but you never turn it on for me?" "You know," "I never did a lot of fathering, Rob, because..." "I didn't think I was a very good father." "I figured you were better off with no dad than a bad one." "I would've been perfectly fine with a bad dad." "Oh." "You really missed a lot." "I don't want you to miss anymore." "I don't, either." "Aw, give me some sugar!" "(chuckles)" "Okay, enough of that." "MAGGIE:" "Hey." "I can't believe you're all here." "Of course we came;" "That's what family is for." "Is everything all right?" "Yeah, yeah." "He's... he's getting dressed now." "It was just all a false alarm." "Oh, thank God!" "So, uh... did you talk to him?" "Yeah." "I guess I owe you one." "Oh, great." "(laughs)" "I'll take my daughter back." "I don't think so." "(chuckles)" "Hey, well, come on to the vending machine," "I'll buy you some four-year-old pretzels." "Oh, by the way, your dad didn't die, so you got to pay for my parking." "So, what do you think?" "You didn't help him with these?" "I didn't lift one finger." "What you have in your mouth is all Hector." "Mmm." "Well, I'm a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong." "And I'm about to get bigger." "See, Hector?" "I told you could do it!" "Good job." "Where are the ones that Hector made?" "Let's go find a Dumpster."