"(funky disco plays) ♪ My name is Cleveland Brown ♪" "♪ And I am proud to be ♪" "♪ Right back in my hometown ♪" "♪ With my new family ♪" "♪ There's old friends and new friends ♪" "♪ And even a bear ♪" "♪ Through good times and bad times ♪" "♪ It's true love we share ♪" "♪ And so I found a place ♪" "♪ Where everyone will know ♪" "♪ My happy mustached face ♪" "♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪" "== sync, corrected by elderman == (chuckles)" "The Cleveland Show 3x13 Das Shrimp Boot Original Air Date on March 11, 2012" "Hey, beloved family, who I called five minutes ago asking you to wait, but now you're eating." "No matter, for I am happy because I got these." "Our tickets for the Commodores Gold Record and All-You-Can-Eat Jumbo Shrimps Cruise!" "All you can eat?" "Dyn-o-mite!" "That's right, I'm gonna dine with all my might." "RALLO:" "Ha!" "What up, black people?" "These threads ain't about the cruise." "I'm filling in for the Sandman at The Apollo." "But the Commodores, those cats are outta sight!" "You dig?" "Is everyone in this family stuck in the '70s?" "Can any of you name a single current rapper?" "What's a rapper?" "Oh, Cleveland, you are stuck in the '70s." "They're the guys who wear the gold chains and go," ""Wibbity-bop, flibbity-blop."" "Oh-ho, Donna, that is fresh." "Let's have some more of that!" "♪ Hootie-hop, hootie-hoo!" "♪" "♪ And a wop-a-doodle-doo!" "♪ ♪ Scratch, scratch, scratch. ♪" "♪ Don't give me no jive. ♪ ♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪" "♪ Who bad?" "♪ ♪ I'm bad. ♪" "♪ Her bad, mmm. ♪ ♪ I'm bad. ♪" "Well, if we're going on a '70s cruise," "I'm gonna go get un-waxed." "Oh, Cleveland, this cruise is gonna be fun." "But are you sure you can take the week off from work?" "Of course I can." "Everybody gets off for spring break." "Flip to..." "Adults don't get spring break." "Besides, you've already taken 132 vacation days since you started here." "I did?" "What about sick days?" "None left." "Bereavement?" "If it's your immediate family." "Do you know how many children I have?" "No." "The quintuplets have died." "How?" "God told me to drown them." "Get out of my office." "(groans)" "Hey, I won!" "Oh, $5,000?" "That's not enough to quit my job." "Stupid, dumb lottery!" "(starts engine)" "(tires squealing)" "I wish I worked for Cox Cable." "With their long Cox vacations, huge Cox vans, their delicious, barely-fit-your-mouth-around-it" "Cox muffins..." "Hey!" "No one loves Cox more than I do, but talking about it isn't gonna get you off." "Oh, if only there were enough weekends between now and the cruise," "I could make up the hours ahead of time." "Wait a minute, you could just work 40 hours straight." "There's no rule says when you have to get your work done." "Like, just keep working around the clock?" "Terry, that idea is-- what do the gays say for "good?"" "Delicious?" "!" "No." "We say "good."" "Hmm." "I like "delicious."" "CLEVELAND (high-pitched):" "Bye...!" "Funny, a black couple, but a Chinese-smelling house." "Must be in the walls." "14 hours down, 26 to go." "♪ ♪" "♪ I've been hooking up some cable ♪" "♪ All the live-long... ♪" "♪ ...day!" "♪" "Hmm." "Maybe there's something on the radio that will keep me awake." "MALE DEEJAY:" "Welcome to The Quiet Storm." "Sit back, relax, close your eyes, and let us drive for you." "Mmm." "That sounds nice." "Look out for that truck." "Ah!" "Truck!" "(truck's horn blows)" "Maybe something a little more upbeat." "MAN:" "Let's talk sports." "There you go!" "Women's sports!" "More specifically, women's collegiate hurdles." "Let's break in on the action." "(running steps, kicking hurdles, panting, grunting)" "No." "MALE DEEJAY 2:" "We count down your 1,000 favorite numbers." "At number 1,000: 1,000!" "Number 999: 26." "MALE DEEJAY 3:" "Now here's Norah Jones." "Uh-uh!" "FEMALE HOST (sensually):" "You're listening to Sexy Talk with two aging porn stars." "Let's take a call." "We've got Holt on line one." "HOLT:" "Yeah, am I on?" "I'm six-five." "I'm really good at sex." "FEMALE HOST:" "Ooh." "You sound like my uncle." "What's your question?" "HOLT:" "Can you say, "Holt, you're really good"?" "FEMALE HOST:" "Holt, you're really good." "HOLT:" "Boom!" "Ringtone." "NEWSMAN:" "We have breaking news where a farmer apparently lost all his sheep." "We're live on the scene talking to a witness." "Tell us what you saw, sir." "MAN:" "Well, I saw one sheep jump over the fence." "And then two sheep." "Three sheep." "Four sheep." "Five sheep." "Six sheep." "(horn honking)" "FEMALE HOST 2:" "We have Gwyneth Paltrow talking down to us about acting and parenting." "I can do this." "All I need's another cap of coffee." "I don't know why people say staying up all night messes with your mind." "What do you think Donnie Darko rabbit?" "(goofy voice):" "I don't know." "That's how you talk?" "!" "Yes...!" "You're creative." "Sir?" "Sir?" "!" "Wha...?" "Oh, sorry." "Give me your driest frankfurter on there." "(loud slapping)" "Thank you." "Hey, pimples, what's the skinny on those Mega Energy Pills?" "They're,like, you know, caffeine or something." "Truckers take them so they can stay up all night." "Truckers are so cool!" "Breaker, breaker one-nine." "I got a Smokey on my tail, ten-four?" "Hey-hey, that's pretty good." "I don't have time for your nonsense!" "Let me try one of those." "(gulp)" "MAN (distorted):" "I'm disappointed in you, C-Cup." "MAN 2:" "Thanks for keeping it warm for me, doughboy." "MAN 3:" "Mr. and Mrs. Cleveland Brown!" "CLEVELAND:" "No, no, no, no, no, no!" "(echoing boom)" "Wow!" "I'll take an ass-load of those pills, please." "Donna, I need a change of clothes and then..." "Robert?" "What are you doing here?" "Eating turkey bacon." "You've been gone for two days, and these children need a father." "I've been working for two days!" "Feels like two hours with these pills." "I'm talking 'bout installing some cable!" "Everybody watching' now!" "(gulps, giggles)" "All right, then." "Hey, Junior, it was fun speaking to your class." "Thanks for teaching us how to light a cigarette on the stove top." "Yeah." "And when you're 15," "I'll teach you how to roll your own." "Wink, wink." "Cleveland, you've worked enough to go on the cruise." "(goofy grunting)" "Now it's time to put those pills away and get some rest." "Nuh-uh!" "There's still days before this cruise." "I can keep working and have weeks, maybe even months off!" "Months!" "Do you know how long a month is?" "I'm asking you a question, Donna!" "Ah, forget it!" "The pills will tell me." "(crazy laughter)" "That man's a mess." "Howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy!" "Let's see." "Hmm." "How many Mega Energy Pills can I get for... this?" "(grunts)" "This says: "Happy birthday, Rallo, from Grandma."" "(grunts)" "And this is a Post-it note that says: "One hundred dollars."" "Is it hot?" "It's hot in here." "Are you hot?" "I'm hot." "Guy back there taking a long time with them pills, huh?" "!" "Sorry, sir." "I've been instructed not to sell you any more." "What?" "!" "You're demonstrating addictive behavior." "You seem like a nice person;" "I hope you get help." "No!" "You go to hell, zit-face!" "(sobbing)" "(stops sobbing, clears throat)" "Hey, you guys want to make a quick buck?" "Uh, is it gay stuff?" "Do you need it to be?" "No." "Good." "I didn't want to have to make that decision." "Here, take this money and buy me..." "CLERK:" "Sir, if you don't go away," "I'll have to call the police." "(grunting)" "(window crackles)" "Good-bye, Debbie." "I guess we'll never get to have ugly children together." "(grunts)" "(maniacal laughter)" "You checking me out?" "Well, too late." "You can't have none of this!" "And I would've done anything." "Anything!" "(maniacal laughter)" "Oh, thank goodness." "I had the strangest dream." "I dreamt I was addicted to energy pills." "Hmm." "I seem to have been accidentally tied to the bed." "We had to protect you from yourself." "Your dream was real." "Was it?" "Hey, give me my pills out of my jacket." "You're not having any pills." "You're an addict!" "Donna, I'm not an addict." "Now, if you wouldn't mind reaching into my anus and fetching me my private reserve." "Ain't happening, Brown." "We're having an intervention." "Yeah?" "You and what army of family and nosy neighbors?" "LESTER:" "Us." "Oh." "What's up, Arianna?" "(whispers):" "Would you reach into my anus for me?" "I'm sorry it's come to this." "You're going to rehab." "♪ I say no, no, no. ♪" "Winehouse." "Dead." "Sad." "Didn't see it coming." "Did." "Cleveland, we want you better." "And we'll be here for you when you get out of rehab." "B-But I won't know anyone there." "You know what?" "I think it'd be a good idea if Tim dried out a bit." "(slurping, belches)" "And Lester, too." "He's an alcoholic." "I'm just addicted to seeing you pretty." "(hiccups) Oh, Lester!" "I'd better go, too." "I'm a sex addict." "Carpal tunnel." "(crying)" "Oh, this is so embarrassing." "We're all wearing the same smocks!" "We don't belong here." "I mean, look at all these weirdoes." "I sold my penis for meth." "I got drunk and had sex with my boss's car." "I huff propane." "And the worst part is, I only took those pills so I could go on that Commodores Gold Record and All-You-Can-Eat Jumbo Shrimps Cruise." "And now I can't go." "Just don't think about it, C-bro." "Kind of tough not to think about it." "Hey, what're you guys looking at?" "No, Shrimpy Dave, don't look!" "Is that shrimp?" "I'm off the wagon!" "Ew." "I thought he'd be eating it." "Lord, help Shrimpy Dave." "(slaps) Ow!" "Ha-ha!" "Boom!" "You suck!" "Yeah, this is better than a cruise." "I know you're disappointed, but we should be here in case Cleveland needs us." "Even though our bags are already packed and our non-refundable tickets are right there." "And that taxi's waiting outside." "(honking) 'Ey!" "You vashlooks order a cab?" "Well, we could just take a ride in the cab with our bags, see where it goes." "We at least owe it to our bags to put them in the cab." "Screw it, let's go." "I guess everything I do is for him, just to hear him say, "I'm proud of you."" "Your father?" "No, Bradley Cooper." "Well, we've made some progress." "You guys are out of your minds." "I'm going to take a shower." "Anybody want to take a shower?" "All right." "I do." "This is ridiculous." "I don't belong here." "(ship's horn blares)" "I belong on that cruise!" "We're getting out of here." "And here's how..." "CLEVELAND:" "The orderlies' shift change is at 12:32 exactly." "Tim, that's when you'll hack into the mainframe, disabling the security cameras." "(cracks knuckles)" "(roars)" "That will allow me to climb up into the air ducts." "(whistles)" "Holt, this is where you come in." "You're gonna create a diversion." "Can I do Church Lady?" "Don't care." "I'm gonna do Church Lady." "Isn't that special?" "(organ music plays)" "That will allow me to drop into Lester's laundry cart, and then we'll all rendezvous at the nurses' desk, where we'll sign out because this is a voluntary facility, and we can leave any time we want." "See you later, Mr. Brown." "Or not." "Totally up to you." "Sorry, Cleve-bro." "We're staying." "What?" "We're making some real progress." "Okay." "(panting)" "(ship's horn blares)" "Dirty-Rassen-frassenpercalumin chabadamin-back-rackalacka!" "Ooh, a Jet Ski!" "Spring break!" "Cleve gone wild!" "Ahh!" "(ship's horn blares)" "Aw, hell!" "I keep waking up tied to a bed." "I feel like Hugh Jackman's cabaña boy." "You should be so lucky." "You were pulled from the water by Somali pirates." "And they kill everyone who isn't of use to them," "(voice cracking):" "including... my poor wife." "(creaky door opens)" "Oh, hi." "I need to switch rooms." "This guy is bumming me out." "I don't know if you have any singles open or..." "Silence!" "Now that we have you, we don't need this frail, old man." "Well, that was a stupid move." "You're all under arrest." "(dramatically):" "For murder!" "(surf rolling)" "Aw, this soaks deck." "Hey there, Chief." "You mind if I pick up here tomorrow?" "Say between 1:00 and 4:00?" "See, I'm a cable installer..." "Good, because our cable is out." "We missed the last Mad Men." "You will fix our cable." "Oh, this will be easy." "Good luck." "We've tried everything." "Oh, so pirates couldn't fix their cable?" "That's right." "Exactly, so let me do what I do." "Caw!" "Caw!" "PIRATE:" "It is working!" "Mad Men is on." "There's Pete Campbell." "Ooh, that Pete Campbell is a weasel." "Isn't he?" "Yes, he is;" "I can't stand him." "Can't you?" "Ugh, now I want to kill you again." "Do you?" "Ahh!" "♪ Brick house... ♪" "The Commodores Gold Record and All-You-Can-Eat Jumbo Shrimps Cruise!" "Our next target." "We are going to kill everyone on board and steal the gold records." "(Cleveland whistles)" "Wow." "It's the Commodores!" "Ooh, I bet it won't take much to murder them." "And there's Donna..." "Roberta..." "Junior..." "I bet Rallo's next." "Yep, called it." "(gasps) Donna, Roberta, Junior and Rallo?" "They went without me?" "Oh, which hurts, but I should save them, which will require swimming." "Hmm, just had those saltines and cottage cheese 20 minutes ago." "So, in ten more minutes, I should be G-2-G." "I met the nicest couple from Baltimore." "They said their neighbor's granddaughter would be perfect for me." "You think that's code for fat or black?" "Probably both." "Cool!" "I like fat black girls." "I can't believe this cruise doesn't have cocktail sauce." "Finish your breakfast, Rallo!" "Hey, Junior." "Huh?" "All right, pirates, in one hour we board the cruise ship to rape, pillage and plunder." "PIRATES:" "Yay!" "And maybe this time, a little less raping." "I think with the last boat, we all got a wee bit carried away." "We're better than that, you guys." "I never thought I'd say this, but if I have to eat one more friggin' shrimp" "I'm gonna kill myself." "I got one!" "(flapping like a fish)" "Okay, okay, stop it!" "Oh, my goodness, a talking whale!" "I'm not a talking wha..." "Oh, come on, that's... that's mean." "What mysteries of the deep have you come to tell me, o sea monster?" "Junior, it's me." "Your dad." "Daddy!" ""Dad," 14. "Dad."" "Listen, we're in a heap of trouble." "Somali pirates are about to take over the ship unless we stop them." "Where's your mother?" "She's dead." "Oh, right." "Where's Donna?" "(funk music playing)" "Cleveland?" "You're all in grave danger!" "There are Somali pirates... they're gonna attack... any minute now... so we need to be prepared... (clears throat)" "♪ Ow, she's a brick house ♪" "(gunshot)" "Give us the gold records, and nobody gets hurt until after we get the gold records." "Nevah!" "Don't worry." "I'll blow these pirates away with the power of the funk!" "(strums chord)" "♪ Funk powerrrrr!" "♪" "It's okay." "He wasn't one of the original members!" "(smattering of applause)" "(gunfire, panicked screaming)" "(explosion)" "Oh, Cleveland!" "So, you decided to go on the cruise without me, huh?" "Well, to make it up to me..." "Roberta, cover your ears." "I want two oral sins when I want them, even after a flight, and no reciprocals." "Get us out of this, and you can have one with no reciprocals and three egg cracks." "Mm." "Can I have an egg crack now?" "Crack." "Ooh..." "Oo-hoooo, there's egg all down my shoulders." "Shiver." "So gooey." "Okay, stay here, I'll be back." "(shudders):" "Oooh..." "That was a delayed one." "Nice." "Hm-m-m." "(gunfire)" "(woman screams)" "(gunfire)" "We're doomed." "Hi, Daddy..." "Dad." "Sorry, son." "I can't save us." "I don't have the energy." "Wait, my pills!" "Junior, would you reach in my anus?" "Sure!" "Wait, let me check my pocket first." "(groans)" "(gun cocks)" "Any last puns or wordplay?" "You've heard of pirating cable, but how about cabling a pirate?" "You have defeated us." "Have I?" "Yes!" "Ugh!" "I hate you!" "Do you?" "Ahh!" "(ship's horn blares)" "Cleveland, you really saved the day." "Maybe I was wrong about you taking those pills." "I hope so, 'cause I haven't stopped." "Are you serious?" "Y-Yeap-a!" "Anybody know how to play the guitar?" "♪ Thanks for the time that you've given me ♪" "♪ The memories all in my mind ♪" "♪ You're once, twice, three times ♪" "♪ La, la, la-laaaaaaaa!" "♪" "(splashing)" "(Cleveland barking)" "(frantically chewing gum)" "Hey, I'm Cleveland Brown, and we had a good time tonight-igh-igh-igh, and we talked about addiction which is no laugh-- (laughs)-- laughing matter, which is why I'm back here telling you all this and we killed a pirate and whatnot," "but please, addiction no bueno es bad." "C-Bro, we going to that party?" "You betcha!" "== sync, corrected by elderman =="