" My fellow detectives, ours is not an easy job." "The hours are long." "The danger is constant." "The pay is LOL." "But today, a glimmer of hope." "For today... a new vending machine." "[applause]" "Behold him in all of his glory." "So full of strength and promise, and most importantly, sodium, gluten, and fat." " Whoo!" " The time has finally come to christen the machine." "Boyle, the champagne?" " Oh, well, technically it's a Hungarian Pezsgo from the Tarnok Valley." " For once in your life, don't ruin it." "Give him the bottle." " Thank you." "I hereby christen thee" "Snacky Chan!" "[electricity crackling]" "Whoa!" "Okay, well, at least it was just the keypad." "None of the snacks got messed up." "Whoa!" "Go!" " Oh, right!" " Okay, okay." "[fire alarm beeping]" " No!" "It should've been me." "It should've been me!" "[upbeatmusic]" "♪ ♪" "[foghornblaring]" " Our perp's name is Karl Ove." "My CI said he's selling counterfeit caviar out of a blue stall." " This place smells like a squid farted inside a whale's butt." " [sniffs]" "Yes, that is the exact combo of smells." "Nicely done." "Hey, next week is my six-month anniversary with Amy." "Should I do something special?" " You know what I like about our relationship, Jake?" "We don't talk about our love lives, or our families, or anything that's on our minds." "It's why you're my closest friend in the world." " Yeah, I know, but I need help on this." "I asked Boyle and he was useless." " Put a baby in her, Jake." "What are you waiting for?" " So do that then." "Problem solved." "Look, it's our guy." " Excuse me, sir, we're with the NYPD." "I just need to ask you a couple of" "Oh, shrimp!" "I hate that!" "[dramaticmusic]" "♪ ♪" " [grunts]" " You're under arrest, punk." "Nobody gets away from Jake Per--ew!" "Something yucky touched me!" "Ugh, gross, gross, gross!" " Hang on." "What's that?" " What have we here?" " [speaking Swedish]" " What?" " [speaking Swedish]" " I have no idea what you're saying." "[speaking Swedish]" "Just as I suspected immediately." " It's a flawless 39-carat diamond that was stolen six weeks ago from the Royal Stockholm Museum." " I've just received word from Interpol that two detectives are on their way from Sweden to pick up the suspect." "Please make them feel welcome." " Welcome?" "We're gonna roll out the fricking red carpet." "Working a jewel heist with Interpol?" "This is the best thing that's ever happened to me!" "Second best." " Aww." " [whispers] First best." "I was lying to Amy." " [sighing loudly]" "Do you guys know anyone who wants some used textbooks?" " I'd love them." "It's never too late to teach yourself something new" " So no one." "Great." " Why are you throwing those out?" " Because I'm never gonna pass this astronomy final, so I won't graduate, so my life is ruined." " Or we could help you study." "I did graduate magna cum laude from Syracuse." "I know that sounds like a brag." "And it was!" "Terry killed it in college." " Plus, I know a thing or two about astronomy." "I had 11 straight birthdays at the planetarium." "That was also a brag." " My God, you guys are such pathetic nerds." "But maybe that's what I need right now, pathetic nerds." "Okay." "You pathetic nerds can help me." " Thank you?" " You are so welcome." " Peralta, Diaz." "This is Inspector Knausgaard and Deputy Inspector Carlsson." "Their flight here was eight hours." "It's been a pleasure talking with you about the duration of your flight." "Good day." " Well, there goes my opening question about how long your flight was." " It was eight hours." " Yeah, no, I got that." "I was joking, sorry." "It must have got lost in translation." " No, we understand you perfectly." "Everyone in Sweden speaks English." " We also speak Norwegian, Dutch, German," "French, Russian, and Finnish." "But not Danish." "That is a garbage language for garbage people." " Yeah." " Oh, word up." "Well, I have almost memorized "Gangnam Style"" "phonetically, so samesies." " I don't know this word." ""Samesies"?" " From context, I believe it means "proudly uneducated."" " Ah." " So..." " No." " Where's our prisoner?" " Being processed." "But, in the meantime, may I offer you some of the finest cuisine in Brooklyn from my favorite restaurant?" "The food cart outside the precinct." "It's really good." " Hm, none for Soren." "He's allergic to lactose, gluten, and tomato ketchup." " Oh." " Also, none for Agneta." "She and her husband are trying to have another baby, so she can't eat anything that will alter her cervical pH." " Oh." " You guys are real close, huh?" " In Sweden, we believe for a proper team to function, partners must be completely open with each other." " Yeah." "We have no secrets." "Not even our bodies." "We sauna together all the time." " Yeah, well, we are also very close." "One time, Rosa saw me in my bathing suit." " No, I didn't, you told me to turn around." " Yeah." " Well, uh, since we cannot eat your disgusting street food, could you please check if our prisoner has been processed?" " Yeah, we don't mean to offend, it's just this place is filthy and you both seem unprofessional." " Unprofessional?" "Well, we were going to take you to our favorite laser tag place, but now, you're officially uninvited." "Rosa." " Ah, Boyle." "Just the man we were looking for." "Kevin has accepted a fellowship to teach at the Sorbonne for the next six months." " Oh, I love Paris." "At least how it's represented in the movie "Ratatouille."" " Uh..." " The rodent chef." " Ah, yes." "Farfetched." " Anyway, Kevin and I belong to the Park Slope Racquet Club, where we've established a squash doubles dynasty." " We've taken home the trophy two years in a row." "Unfortunately, I'll be flying to Paris this year during the tournament." "It's a seven-hour flight." " [whistles]" " I remember you told me you played in college." " Three-time intramural champion at Sarah Lawrence." "Would have been four, but senior year I played Greaseball in our school's production of "Starlight Express."" " Interesting casting." "In any case, I would be honored if you would take my place so that Raymond could make it a treble." " Absolutely!" "I would love to do that!" " Great." "Formidable." " Yup!" "That is great." "This is great." "This is terrible." " Why?" "You always said you wanted more face time with Holt." " No, not like this." "Squash brings out my competitive side." "breaking racquets, cursing, excessive mooning." "One time, just to psych a guy out," "I locked eyes with him and ate a squash ball." " That's not possible." " It's still in me, Terry." " Look, the point is to have fun." "So just relax and have fun." " Right, right, right, yeah." "It's just a game." "It's fun." "There's no need for Holt to see me unleash the beast." "[laughs] Okay." " That's a strange little man." " Probably telling Captain Holt how much they like to sauna together." " Please." "They think they're so great just 'cause they know each other's allergies." "You know what I'm allergic to?" " Yup." "Them." " Totally." "And also bees." "You should know that." "If I got stung by a bee, I could die." " Detectives, I've been talking with the inspectors." "There's been a development in the Kottbullediamant case." " Excellent pronunciation, Captain." " Tack." "They believe our perp may have smuggled more stolen Swedish diamonds into Brooklyn." " Oh, well, thank you for the tip." "Have a wonderful flight home." "We will send you the jewels as soon as we find them." " They're staying and working the case with you." " Ah, fantastic." "Rosa, could you please fill my car with a million bees?" " Okay, since the Swedes are rudely late, let's talk anniversary gift." "Should I get Amy something caszh like shot glasses, or something less caszh, like golden shot glasses?" " Still don't care." "How about I get a jump on our new partners and search the perp's apartment?" " Right." "We'll get some clues, solve the case, make them look like fools." "They can eat our American dust." " No, no." "Soren is probably allergic to dust." " Oh, hello!" "Yes, I am allergic to dust." " Everyone is." "That's what sneezes are." " You're what sneezes are." " Okay." "[clears throat]" "What are you guys doing here?" " Oh, in Sweden, we call it police work." "Perhaps you don't have a word for it?" " [whispers] I hate you." " This is our case." "You can't work it without us." "Get your weird, hairless fingers off of it." " Soren shaves his fingers for cycling." "It cuts down on drag." " Agneta is my biggest fanatic." "Just as I am a fanatic of her slam poetry." "Would you like to hear some?" " Would I like to?" "I would hate to!" " Your loss." "Well, we've already searched the entire apartment." " Yeah, well, now we're gonna search it, and find things you all missed, like this!" " Your own keys?" " Damn straight." "Bag 'em, Diaz." "[keys thud]" " Astronomy is full of interesting facts." "For instance, here's one that" "Hollywood doesn't want you to know." "A parsec is actually a measure of distance." "One of the many inaccuracies in the "Star Wars" universe." " Uh-huh." "And what's "Star Wars"?" " Oh, boy." "Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself." "Okay, let's talk planets." "Jupiter is a gas giant." " So is Hitchcock." "How does this help me?" " It also has 67 moons." "I came up with a fun mnemonic device to remember them all." "It goes," ""Every Individual Gets Crayons" ""After Telling His Aggressive" ""Little Mongoose Painter Called Ernest" ""Some Lies About Tiny Panda Heads--period" ""Maybe One Kid Could Take Her Elephant" "Into California, Except--"" "Where's Gina?" " She told me you called me a gas giant." "Well, now you and I will never hook up." " Uh-oh." "What's this?" "A little piece of evidence that evaded your bald little hands." "A shipping manifest that was shoved into the back of a drawer." " Our perp transferred a container to a shipyard in Bay Ridge on October 11th." " That arrived over a month ago," "I doubt you'll find anything in it." " Please, you're just pissed we cracked the case wide open and you've got nada." "That's right, I speak Spanish." " Actually, we've got much more than nada." " Damn it, he speaks Spanish too." " Agneta found an invitation to a party tonight at the home of..." "Alvar Gustavsson." " The hot blond guy from "True Blood"?" " No, the Swedish millionaire with ties to organized crime." "Alvar Gustavsson." " Yeah." " Oh, that..." "Alvar Gooz-hev-vren." "Well, you're welcome to pursue that dead-end lead while we got to the shipping container and find the jewels." "And maybe to celebrate, Rosa will wear them to your dumbass party." " No, they're priceless, please do not do that." " Yeah, obviously we wouldn't." "We were just being jerks." "See you later, jerks." " Okay." " Bye, Jake." "Bye, Rosie." " Whoo!" "You ready, Boyle?" "Psyched up?" " No, why?" "Do I seem psyched?" "'Cause I'm definitely not." "I just want to have fun." " And to win." " Hey, if we all have fun and don't throw any racquets and don't eat squash balls, then we're all winners." " What?" " Nothing." "I'll serve." "[upbeatmusic]" "♪ ♪" " Out." " What?" "Are you out of your mind?" "That was... fun." "That was a fun call." "You're a real fun guy, fun guy." "This is fun!" "This is fun!" " Gina!" "I know astronomy can seem a little daunting and scientific, but I have a friend who I think can make it pretty interesting." " Who dis?" " Hi, Gina, I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson." " And I care, why?" " Director of the Hayden Planetarium." "One of the world's leading astrophysicists." "And he's doing me a huge favor." " And how do you know Terrance, Space Tie?" " We're gym buddies." " [grunting]" "Damn, Neil deGrasse Tyson!" "How are you doing that?" " It's physics, Terry." "It's physics." "Gina, look." "Give me two hours." "You'll not only pass your exam, you'll gain a deeper appreciation of the universe through which we journey on this spaceship Earth." " Spaceship Earth?" "Way to go." "You just made Earth lame, and that is my house." " Gina, why did you want to take astronomy?" " Because I thought it would be cool, just me, sitting around naming moons left and right, like "Zorp," "Bong," "Dingo."" ""Etcetera," that would be one of the names." ""Etcetera."" " She's gonna fail, isn't she?" " Big time." " Yeah." " According to the shipping company, the container that came in on October 11th is 34G1." " Cool." "Hey, what did you and Marcus do for your six-month anniversary?" "Keeping in mind, that he's dreamy and romantic and I only own $50." " Marcus and I broke up." " What?" "When?" " A month ago." " A month ago?" "How do I not know about this?" " Because we don't talk about that crap." "We're not lame like the Swedes." " Right." "Yeah, totally." "If Agneta broke up with her husband, she'd probably be all," ""Oh, Soren, I am so heartbroken,"" "and he'd be like," ""What can I do to help?" "I'm sorry,"" "and give her a big old hug and she'd be all feeling better like an idiot." " We don't need to do that because what we do together is solve crimes." " You know it." "For example... 34G1." "Boom." "We are about to uncover a butt-load of diamonds." " Exactly." " It's fish!" "It's fish, Rosa!" " Ugh." "[indistinct chatter]" " Swedes." " Oh, hello, Jake." "You missed quite a party." "The blond man from "True Blood" was there." "Very cool guy." " So cool." " Yeah, that's cool." "Hey, this is weird because I hate you guys, but can I ask you a question?" "If you broke up with your husband, would you tell Soren about it?" " Are you making a funny laugh joke right now?" "I would insist he be there for it so that my husband would have a shoulder to cry on." " Yeah, several years ago, Agneta and Lars were having trouble conceiving." "She didn't even have to ask me to donate my sperm." "I had it already in a "Tooperware," ready to go." " Wow, that's..." "so gross, yeah." " Can we ask you a question?" " Mm-hm." " Why do you smell like fish?" "Is it hygiene?" " No, we spent the night cutting open hundreds of dogfish to see if they had diamonds inside." " Did they?" " Wouldn't you like to know?" " Yeah." "It would be pertinent to the case." " They didn't." "Although, one did have a battery in it." "What kind of a sicko feeds a battery to a fish?" " Well, while you were wasting your time, we set up a meeting on 14 November with the man we think is the buyer." " Um..." " No, don't worry, Soren." "I rescheduled your cycling practice for 16 November, and your dentist for 19 November." " You know me so well." " [giggles]" " Ugh." "Those guys suck." "They're so into each other, they're probably gonna start holding hands." "Oh, they're actually holding hands." " Yeah, they are awful, for sure." "All tall and beautiful, and you don't want to know what they've got in their "Tooperware."" "But honestly, I don't know that it's that bad that they're close." " Wrong, it's the worst." " Okay." " Oh, my God, I just figured out where the diamonds are." "We thought the shipping container came in on October 11th, 10/11, but dumb Europeans write their dates backwards." "We should've been going through the one from 10 November." " Of course!" "Stupid rest of the world, writing their date all dumb." " Yeah." "Let's go." " Okay." " Boyle." "Is everything okay, you know, with your brain?" " Yeah." "I'm great." "I'm having a lot of fun." " Yes, I've heard you say that 162 times." "You do realize, that if we lose this next match, we're out of the tournament?" " Yes, but the important thing is we had a good time." " No!" "The important thing is that we win the trophy." "Because I promised Kevin before he left for Paris that we would do that." "Do you know why I chose you as my partner?" " Because I'm the most athletic person you know?" " No, because of an article I read in the "Sarah Lawrence Phoenix"" "about a young man they called" ""squash's unhinged lunatic."" " I don't know what you're talking about." " According to that article, that lunatic was 27-0." "I need him on my team." "I need you to unleash the beast." "["WildSide"by MotleyCrue]" "♪ Takearide onthewildside♪" " Whoo!" "You butternuts ready to get squashed?" ""Huh?" "What?" "Duh?"" "That's you guys while I smoke your butts, because Ray-Ray and the Beast don't even give a what." "We don't give a what." "Unh-uh." "Whoo!" "Let's do this." "♪ ♪" "Boo-ya-kah, suckers!" "[both grunting]" "♪ Wildside♪" " Yeah!" " Ohh!" "What?" "You kidding me?" "Are you kidding me?" " [grunts]" " Yes!" "Whoo!" "[slaps]" " Ow!" " Way to go!" "That's it, baby!" " Gina, great news." " Oh, no." "Is Neil deGrasse Tyson here?" "He will not stop trying to friend me." " No, but we think we figured out how you're gonna pass your test." " Yeah, we realized that we were trying to get you to learn using our methods." " We should've been speaking your language." "[dance music plays]" "The language of... both:" "Dance!" " 13.8 billion years ago, there was nothing." " And then the big bang!" " Yes!" "Now, Amy, back up till you feel the wall." "And, Terry, ditch the shirt." "I'm ready to learn." "♪ ♪ [both panting]" " And that's how you calculate parallax distance." " So you ready for the test?" " Oh, I took it this morning." "I passed." " What?" " It was nice how much you guys cared, so I actually opened up my textbook for the first time." "Ya'll, astronomy is kind of interesting." "And I am hella smart." " Then why'd you make us do that whole dance?" " Two reasons:" "Uno and dos." " I get that." " One-two, one-two, one-two, one-two." " Ha-ha!" "I guess we are the better team." "Why do people like these things?" "They're just shiny rocks." " Yeah, totally." " You should be happier." "We found the jewels, we won." " Yeah, you're right." "We should celebrate." "Why don't we go to a bar and drink in silence?" " Cool." "Sounds good." " No, I was being a bitch." "How did you not pick up on that?" " What is your problem, man?" "Is this about your stupid anniversary present?" " Yeah, that, and you not telling me about Marcus." "We're supposed to be friends." " You sound like Soren or Agneta, whichever the boy one is." " Well, say what you want about them, but at least they communicate, you know?" "I've never even heard your slam poetry, Rosa." " Why do you all of a sudden care about every single little detail of my life?" " Because all we talk about is cop stuff." "All right, and that was fine when we were 20 because that's all I cared about." "But we're adults now and there are other things, like me and Amy and you and Marcus, that friends are supposed to talk about." " Well, I guess we're not friends then." " [scoffs] Wow." "All right, I guess we're not." "[truck rumbling]" "Oh, uh-oh." " We're moving." " Oh, really?" "Thank you for sharing that intimate detail about your life." " Jake." " I know, we're screwed." "I was being a bitch again!" "Allright, Icalledforbackup." "I also texted all of my friends." "You'll notice your phone didn't buzz." " I think we're in Red Hook." "We're not on the BQE anymore." " Nice try, Rosa." "Don't try to kiss up to me by mentioning my third-favorite New York expressway." " Shut up!" "We pulled into a parking lot." "Things are about to go down." " Backup won't make it here in time." "It's just me and you." " I heard two voices in the truck." "There'll be more if there's a meet-up." " Go word is "Glurg."" " Copy that." "[suspensefulmusic]" "♪ ♪" "Flergen!" "Come on, is that you?" "I haven't seen you since Blorgenbergen, man!" " Who the hell are you?" " Give me a hand, you old dummy." "It's me, Glurg." " NYPD!" "Drop it!" "Drop it, you're under arrest." " I hope they have saunas in Swedish prison." " They do, actually." "They're quite nice." " Oh." " Kevin, there's something we'd like to show you." " Ta-da!" "Ah,magnifique." "Thetrebleis ours." "Ilookforwardtogetting numberfournextyear." " Actually, we've been banned for life from all future tournaments." "Oh,no ." "Whathappened?" " My fault, Kevin." "I snapped the second-place trophy over my knee and threw it in a urinal." "Oh,my ." " Yeah." " But the important thing is, we had fun." " Yeah." " So we'll be taking the jewels back to Sweden tomorrow." " Yeah." "Guess you were wrong about us, huh?" "Bet you feel pretty stupid." " Actually, when you're wrong, that means you've learned something." "And any opportunity for learning is good." " Ugh." "You are the absolute worst." "I hope you die in a fjord." " No, no, we are trying to say we are happy to have worked with you." " Yeah, I know." "That is an infuriating attitude." " Yeah, I second the fjord thing." " [speaking Swedish]" " Bye, Jake." "Bye, Rosie." " It's just how they walk around, I guess." " Get your hands off each other, weirdos." " God." " Well..." "[sighs]" "Nice job today." "I guess we didn't have to know each other to have each other's backs." "So drink in silence?" " This sucks." "We solved the case and told the Swedes how to die." "I should be happy, but I can tell you're bummed, and that's not cool 'cause we are friends." " Really?" " Yes." "And I thought of what you should do with Amy for your anniversary." " Oh, thank God." "I got her a boogie board." "It has an iguana playing electric guitar on it." "She's gonna hate it." " New York Public Library lets VIPs stay there overnight." " Ooh, that's perfect." "But wait, how do I become a library VIP?" "I forgot to return "Superfudge" in the fourth grade, and I've been scared to go back ever since." " Don't worry about it." "I can hook you up." "My new boyfriend works there." " [gasps] You shared!" "What's his name?" "No, wait." "I don't want to push too hard." " No, it's cool." "I want to tell you his name." " Oh, okay, just gonna take a quick drink break." "Here comes the name." "Nope." "Uno mas." "All righty." "Good Lord." "Putting them away." "I have to imagine these belong to someone else." " It's fine." " Yeah." " It's Tom." " [gasps] I love it!" "Notadoctor." "Shh."