"Happy birthday to you *" "* Happy birthday to you *" "* Happy birthday, dear Stan *" "* Happy birthday to you *" "All right, now come on." "Open presents." "Open presents!" "Yeah, open mine first, Stan." " It's the red one." " Where's mine?" "Where's mine?" "Where's mine?" "Where's mine?" " Here you go, sweetie." " Yay!" "Wait, wait." "It's Stan's birthday." "Yes, every time somebody gets a birthday present," "Eric gets one too." "Otherwise..." "He gets a little upset." "What'd I get?" "What'd I get?" "What'd I get?" "Oh, God." "Oh, cool, Legos." "Thanks, Butters." "I know how you like Legos." "Happy birthday!" "Oh, cool, I got a racing a game for Xbox." "You guys see that?" "Cool, huh?" "Here, this one's from me, Stan." "Oh, thanks, dude." "Stan's getting another present, Mom." " Here you are, muffin." " Yay!" "Oh, cool, look!" "A Ben 10 wrist rocket!" "That's exactly what I wanted for Stan's birthday!" "What'd you get, Stan?" "Oh, cool!" "Is this the new Gersploosh album?" " Yeah, dude!" " Uh, hold it." "Is that a tween-wave band?" "Yeah, they're the best!" "Sorry, Stan, you know you're not allowed to listen to this stuff." "Mom, I'm ten years old now." "I've told you what I think of this music, Stanley." "You have plenty of other gifts to enjoy." "Looks like somebody's on the rag, huh, Mom?" "Sharon, Stan told me you took away his music CD at his birthday party." "Oh, for crying out loud!" "I gave him a great party, and that's all he cares about." "Well, do you really think we should be telling our son what music he can and can't listen to?" "Yes, I do, if it's that stupid tween-wave garbage." " Tween-wave?" " You haven't heard it?" "It's terrible!" "It's hardly even music." "It just sounds like crap." "Sharon, come on." "Don't you remember being younger and having our parents say the music we liked sounded like crap?" "This is different." "So." "Here we are." "Now we're the old people who think the younger generation's music sounds like shit." "It's not because I'm older." "I'm telling you, our music was better." "Back in my day, our music was better!" "Not this garbage the young'uns listen to!" "Warble, warble, warble!" "Fine, Randy!" "You go listen to it and tell me you don't think it sounds like crap." "I'd love to." "I'm not an old fuddy-duddy, Sharon." "I'm still cool." "Well?" "It sounds like crap, right?" "Uh" " No, I mean, I like it." "Oh, come on!" "That music sounds like shit!" "No, it's just... young and hip, so you don't get it, Sharon." "Admit it, Randy!" "You think it sounds like crap too!" "It doesn't sound like crap at all!" "I think it's awesome!" "Ugh!" "It's called "tween-wave," and if you're a parent, your kids are probably listening to it." "A new music genre for the era from 2009 through 2012, or the tweens." "Every generation has their music, but many parents say tween-wave sounds like crap." "It's just vulgar and stupid, you know?" "Music used to be good." "This sounds like poo!" "I certainly don't understand kids' music today." "Sounds like diarrhea to me." "Kids, however, say they don't hear crap at all." " Parents are dumb!" " They don't get it!" "They don't get it." "Parents are stupid!" "Tween-wave is swick!" "Tween-wave is super swick." "Parents don't get it 'cause their ears are old." "Parents are dumb!" "We're sorry, boys, but we have all decided that as of now, none of you are allowed to listen to tween-wave music." "Ugh!" "God, that's so unfair!" "But that's our music." "We like it." "Yeah, it's good!" "What's good about a bunch of crap sounds to a drum beat?" "We don't know what you're talking about." "It doesn't sound that way to us!" "Yeah, it doesn't sound like that to us." "I want to educate you kids with some real music." "This is the Police." "Now, you compare this to tween pop and tell us which one you think is real music." " Ugh!" " What?" "That sounds like shit." "What do you mean, it sounds like shit?" "This doesn't sound like shit." " Gross!" " Turn it off, dude." "Stanley, I want you to understand that even though I won't let you listen to certain kinds of music, I still love you." "I know, Mom." "I love you too." "Soon, you will be old enough to make your own choices." "But for now, I just don't want you listening to that stuff." "It's okay, Mom." "I understand." "That's very mature of you, Stanley." " Good night, sweetie." " Night." "Ha-ha." "Ugh!" "What the hell?" "Oh, dude!" "Dude, this is the part I was talking about." "Check out the bass line on this." "Oh, yeah, that one's cool." "Yeah, this part's killer!" " Hey, Stan." " Hey, dudes." "Dude, have you really listened to this sixth track?" "I think it's my new favorite." "Yeah, yeah, I've listened to it." "Um, Kyle, can I talk to you alone for a second?" "Sure." "What's up?" "Kyle, I have to admit something to you." "You know how I told you over the phone" "I like the new Gersploosh album?" "I lied." "I don't like it." "I don't like it at all, Kyle." "Oh." "Really?" "Well, that's okay." "No, you don't understand, dude." "Something's happened." "Tween-wave doesn't sound the same to me." "Why?" "What's it sound like?" "It... kind of sounds like shit." "What?" "You mean you don't like the singing or the lyrics or what?" "No, I mean it sounds like somebody is shitting in my ears!" "Please, just listen really close." " You don't hear shit?" " No." "That doesn't sound like shit to you?" "No!" "Dude, maybe you should see a doctor." "And so then I put on the exact same album that I really liked a year ago, and it sounded like shit to me." "Uh-huh." "And what about food?" "Are some of the things you thought tasted good tasting like shit to you now too?" "Yeah!" "I used to love these Pop Rock things, and I tried them the other day, and I thought they tasted like shit!" "This says you had a birthday recently?" " I just turned ten." " Well, that makes sense." "You see, Stan, as you get older, your eardrums, taste buds, all that stuff develops and changes." " So this is normal?" " It's very normal." "Let's just do a quick ear exam." "I'm gonna play some tween-wave music, and you tell me what you hear." "What's that sound like to you?" " Sounds like shit." " Uh-huh." "Now I'm gonna play you some good old Bob Dylan." "* Feel like I- *" "That sounds like shit too." "Wait, this sounds like shit to you?" "* Hey, fella *" "Yeah, dude, it's just shit." "Well, that's very strange." "Hmm." "I'm gonna try something else." "Look at these two pictures." "One of them is an ad for Kevin James' new movie The Zookeeper, and the other is a turd in a microwave." "Which one is the ad for The Zookeeper?" "They both look the same." "You don't see any difference in the pictures?" "No." "That is an ad for The Zookeeper, and that is a turd about to be reheated." "They both look like turds about to be reheated to me." "Oh, dear, I think I know what this is." "You see, Stan, as you get older, things that you used to like start looking and sounding like shit, and things that seemed shitty as a child don't seem as shitty." "With you, somehow, the wires have gotten crossed, and everything looks and sounds like shit to you." "It's a condition called being a cynical asshole." " Oh, no." " Yes." "And there is no known cure, I'm afraid." "Everything just seems shitty, and everyone starts to seem shitty, and everything they say just starts to..." "Randy, do you mind cleaning up the garage like I asked you?" "Get out of my room!" "I'm listening to my music!" "Gah!" "Stop pretending to like the kids' music, Randy!" "It's pathetic!" "You know damn well it sounds like crap to you too!" "No, it doesn't sound like crap to me!" "Ugh!" "Randy, don't you see what this is?" "You had dreams of being a rock star when you were younger." "Now you can't admit the next generation's music sounds shitty." "It's called getting older, Randy." " It's okay!" " That's not true!" "I think tween-wave music is complex and awesome, and it speaks to my youthful, rebellious spirit, Sharon!" "It's crap, Randy!" "It's so simple and stupid that anybody could play it." "Anybody could play it?" "Do you really think so?" "Hey, everybody!" "I want to thank you all for coming tonight." "My name's Steamy Ray Vaughn, and here's a little bit of rattlesnake." "A one, two, three, four!" "* I got a fever but it's under control *" "* I said I got a fever, need to take it kinda slow *" "* I got a fever but it's under control *" "* Guh guh ga ga da da da *" "You suck!" "No, you just don't understand tween-wave 'cause you're old!" "Did you know we're living in the tween time?" "Nah, I ain't heard that." "Guess it's the period between 2009 and 2013." "They call it the tweens." "So they've got this feller down at the bowling alley." "He gets up on the stage and shits his britches." "What for?" "I don't know, but he gets up there, strums a guitar, and then starts loading his britches up like it's going out of style." "It's like some kind of britches holocaust." "Feller calls himself Steamy Ray Vaughn." "You mean that guy that plays the blues and died in an airplane crash?" "No." "That's Stevie Ray Vaughn." "Steamy Ray Vaughn just shits his britches." "Oh, dude, sweet!" "Tackle him." "Yeah!" "All right, guys, you think he's lying or telling the truth?" "He's lying, dude." "Hit X." "No, he's telling the truth!" " Hey, guys." " Hey, Stan." "What did the doctor say?" "He said I have cynicism." "What's that?" "Something you can get when you get older, but it's stupid." "I'm not cynical." "All the doctor wants is a paycheck." "I went to him for help, and he just stood there spouting a bunch of shit." "Oh, well, come on." "We're playing L.A. Noire." "Oh, that shitty game?" "Who plays video games to listen to a bunch of characters talk and press the X button?" "Oh, ask him about the murder now, Kyle." "Yeah, we got him!" "How can people say this game is cool?" "It doesn't even matter what choices you make." "We're gonna level up to detective!" "That's such a shitty device to keep people playing." "All right, why don't we do something else?" "Aw, dude, this looks like shit." "You don't want to eat it?" "It just looks like shit to me, bunch of processed, gooey shit." "Looks like ice cream to me." "Okay, I know." "How about we go to the mall?" "Ugh!" "A bunch of people trying to sell us a bunch of shit." "Uh, okay, Stan, what do you want to do?" "What?" "Oh, I don't care." "I'm cool with whatever." "* Shitty bop *" "* Too much, too much shitty bop *" "* Too much, too much, too much *" "Lord!" "I ain't never seen britches take a whuppin' like that." "I told you, them britches don't stand a chance." "* Shitty bop, shitty, yeah *" "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "I'd like to bring up a special guest now." "The other night, I was chatting in a tween-wave chat room, because I do love tween-wave so much, and I started chatting with this nice lady who also really liked her kids' tween-wave music." "And turns out she's a talented artist as well." "Please welcome Miss Steamy Nicks." "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "Wait." "Now, who's that lady?" "That there's Steamy Nicks." "You mean that gal who played for Fleetwood Mac and wrote that song Landslide?" "No." "That's Stevie Nicks." "Steamy Nicks just shits her britches." "* Ya ya ya *" "Who the hell is that woman, Randy?" "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I agree." "Why don't you leave them poor britches alone?" "Them britches have had enough." "All alone today?" "Yeah, it sucks." "All my friends are sick with the flu." "Well, what can I get you?" "Do you have anything on the menu that doesn't taste like shit?" "A little young to be so pessimistic, aren't you, kid?" "Why?" "There's nothing but shit on TV, video games are all shit, and the world's a big turd." "The only thing that doesn't seem like total shit to me are my friends, and they're all sick." "Just get me a cheeseburger, and tell the chef to go easy on the shit." "I know!" "That show's hilarious." "I thought you guys were sick." "Uh, we'll let you catch up to us, Kyle." "Come on, Kenny." "Dude, you totally lied to me!" "No, I didn't lie to you." "I was on a" "I felt better, and then the guys called, said they felt better, and" "Where were you guys going?" "All right, dude, we were going to the movies." "Why didn't you tell me?" "I want to go to the movies." "Look, Stan, we just wanted to be able to go to the movies and enjoy ourselves, you know?" "I'm sorry, but you're a bummer to be around." "Everything is, "That looks like shit,"" "and, "This is shitty."" "You guys don't want to be around me?" "Look, dude, it's just one movie." "We want to have a good time." "Please, Kyle, I can change my attitude;" "I promise." "Let me go to the movies with you." "Okay." "But you gotta promise to not complain." "I won't say a word." "Oh, shit." "Jesus, how long before they start this goddamn thing?" "Oh, cool." "Movie trailers!" "Adam Sandler is Jack." "Adam Sandler is Jill." "Oh, God!" "Dude, you said you wouldn't say everything looks like shit." "Sorry if I see things for what they are." "Okay, okay, I'm sorry." "This November, Adam Sandler shits in your eyes, ears and mouth." "It's Adam Sandler in..." "Rated "ARG" for pirates." "Fuck you." "That looks pretty good." "How can you say that looks good?" "Shh!" "You're doing it again." "Jim Carrey has a bunch of turds in his apartment." "Ugh!" " Stan, knock it off!" " But it's just crap!" "No, they're penguins." "Stop it!" "It's Jim Carrey in" "Whatever, You'll Pay to Go See it, Fuck You." "July 12th." "The President of the United States... is a duck?" "A duck is president, and the whole country is going to the dogs." "Or whatever." "The president is a dog." "Who cares?" "Coming June something." " Oh, come on, people!" " That's it, Stan." "I'm not sitting through a whole movie with you." "Oh, dude, dude, wait, I'm sorry!" "No, Kyle's right." "You suck, dude." "Me?" "Did you see that shit?" "Hang on, guys." "Dude, we don't want to hang out with you anymore!" "Get it through your head!" "Kyle?" "Dude, you've- you've changed." "I haven't changed." "The world has." "Don't you see it?" "No!" "And I don't want to." "Look, Stan, maybe we should just..." "You don't get it, Sharon!" "You never have!" "And that's supposed to be my fault?" "Yes, it is your fault, Randy, because you're a child!" "What do you suppose is going on in there?" "Sounds like Steamy Ray Vaughn is going at it with his wife over Steamy Nicks." "You sure you want to do this?" "We've got to now." "If they're fighting, it's our best chance to save them britches." "You do this all the time!" "First, you're obsessed with baseball fights!" "Then you need to play Warcraft!" "Then you've gotta be a celebrity chef!" "Why can't you ever just support me?" "Support what?" "Another stupid dream of yours?" "Face it, Sharon, our son turned ten, and you feel old." "What does our son turning ten have to do with you making the same mistakes again and again?" "Because I'm unhappy, okay?" "I have been unhappy for a long time!" "I'm unhappy too." "We both are, obviously." "How much longer can we keep doing this?" "It's like the same shit just happens over and over, and then in a week, it just all resets until it happens again." "Every week, it's kind of the same story in a different way, but it just keeps getting more and more ridiculous." "Come on, britches, we're setting you free." "I don't know if I've changed or you have." "I just feel like I might not have a whole lot of time left, and I want to enjoy it." "I want to enjoy it too, but I can't fake it anymore." "You just seem kind of shitty to me." "You kind of seem shitty to me too." "People get older, Randy." "People grow apart." "* I took my love, took it down *" "* Climbed a mountain and I turned around *" "* And I saw my reflection *" "* In snow-covered hills *" "* Till the landslide brought me down *" "* Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?" "*" "* Can the child within my heart rise above?" "*" "* Can I sail through the changing *" "* Ocean tides?" "*" "* Can I handle the seasons *" "* Of my life?" "*" "* Well, I've been afraid of changing *" "* 'Cause I've built my life *" "* Around you *" "* But time makes you bolder *" "* Even children get older *" "* And I'm getting older too *" "* And if you see my reflection *" "* In the snow-covered hills *" "* Well, the landslide'll bring it down *" "* Oh, oh *" "* The landslide'll bring it down *"