"Yeah well, I..." "I'll leave it to you, Wendy." "No." "Why don't you just buy the tickets" "And I'll be there?" "That sounds..." "That sounds fine." "That sounds fine too." "It's a bit..." "A bit asinine." "No no." "No no, Wendy." "Go... go ahead." "I love asinine." "Okay." "Oh." "Cobble hill. 6:50." "No, let's..." "let's meet there, okay?" "I-I... uh..." "I just want to drop some things off" "At my place." "I'm stopping by the market right now." "Soy milk." "Okay." " Organic." " Uh..." "Okay, I..." "I've gotta run, Wendy." "Okay, organic." "I've got it." "Talk to you later." "Sorry, I..." "I didn't hear you come in." "Hi, I'm Adele Brouse." " Paul Weston." " Please come inside." "Thank you." "Well," "It's, um..." "It's very bright in here." "My, uh... my office is dark..." "More..." "Burrowlike." "Should I lower the shades?" "No no no no, they're fine." "I should practice casting off my molish ways." "The sun is probably..." "It's probably good for me." "They..." "They say it helps with sleep." "Ahem." "That would be something, wouldn't it?" "Just..." "If that's all it took..." "A healthy dose of sunlight," "So I could just go outside, and..." "I wouldn't need to be here." "You'd rather not be here." "Very astute, but the truth is, I don't really mind." "Long as I leave with..." " With what I came for." " You said on the phone you're in need" " Of a refill of your Ambien prescription?" " Yeah, that's correct." "And I'll take that to go, please." "I think I explained" "That my sleep has been difficult." "My doctor in Baltimore was renewing the prescription long-distance," "But now he's decided to stop." "He wanted me to find somebody local," "You're in the neighborhood" "And you had an open appointment so..." "I see." "How long have you been taking Ambien?" "About five years, on... on and off." " Nightly?" " Well, nightly" "For the past year, maybe..." "I don't know... 14... 14 months." "One year or 14 months?" "14 months." " How many milligrams?" " 10." "The doctor in Baltimore was your therapist?" " My physician." " Your primary care physician?" "Yes, my primary care physician." "Yeah." "And you're new to New York?" "How long have you been here?" "Two years..." "two years and one month" "Since you seem to like being precise." "And precisely three nights ago I ran out of Ambien." "Sorry." "I've..." "I haven't slept since Tuesday." "It can be difficult to stop abruptly." "Yeah." "Believe me, I'm aware of that." "Well, I never would have stopped" "If I hadn't run out of pills." "I started to take another half in the middle of the night." " Half of..." " half a pill." "That would be half of 10," "Which is five." "Got it." "So early in the week I noticed the bottle was empty." "I have an appointment with my neurologist" "First thing Monday morning, and I said," ""okay well, I'll suffer through it" "And then get him to fill the prescription."" "But once it became clear I couldn't do that" "I called Alan Burdick" "And he referred me to you." " I'm in the neighborhood." " Right." "I have to say though, I didn't expect you to be..." "To be so..." "Young." "So you wake up after a few hours and..." "Yeah, I wake up after a few hours" "And I can't get back to sleep." "So I..." "I just..." "I take another pill when I have another pill to take." "How do you know Alan Burdick?" "Oh, we went to college together" "At Georgetown." "We're... we're friendly," "Maintained contact with each other." " He's an excellent doctor." " Yes, he is," "And he said the same about you." "Though how he knows that, I..." "I don't know." "Because you can't have been practicing for... what," "Two, three years at the most?" "That's the second time you've mentioned how young you think I am." "Es my age bother you?" "No." "The truth is, whatever grade you're in," "I'm sure you've learned to write by now." "So if you're able to fill out a prescription," "Then your age doesn't bother me at all." "Look, I should have been more clear with you" "When I called yesterday." "I've actually been in treatment for the last 20 years" "On and off." "And I'm..." "I really didn't come today to continue that process." " I understand that." " Okay." "Though I can't just dispense medication without..." "Yes, I understand." "You've got your job to do." "If you want to ask some questions, just..." "Fine, go ahead." "Then you can send me on my way." "With whom were you in treatment?" "Gina toll from the Washington-Baltimore psychoanalytic institute." "I'm not familiar with her." "Well, she was my teacher at the institute." "She's one of the best analysts around." "She was my supervisor for many years and then she was my analyst." "She saw my ex-wife with me for quite awhile." "Together?" "Yes, together." "Sounds pretty all-encompassing." "Yeah." "And you're a practicing psychoanalyst?" "Yes." "Okay." "Why don't you tell me" "Exactly what's been going on with your sleep?" "Well, at the beginning" "It was just falling asleep, you know." "And then I would take a pill" "And I'd be set for six hours or so." " But not anymore?" " No, not anymore." "I..." "I wake up after two or three hours." "And what's your experience of that waking time?" " Are you anxious?" " No." "Not particularly, no." " Worried?" " I'm tired." "What do you find yourself thinking about?" "I find myself wishing that I had more Ambien." "Listen, I've never slept well." "I've always had a problem falling asleep." "And once you are sleeping, do you sleep deeply?" " Are you restless?" " Not really." "Frequent dreams?" "Nightmares?" "They're not uncommon with people's sleep issues." "The past several months I have been waking up" "With a recurring dream but..." "Look, I'm not interested in discussing that." "I know what the dream is about." "I know what I've been suppressing." "I know what my unconscious is trying to communicate with me and..." "You're not interested in telling me even in the general..." " No, I'm not." " All right." "Would you consider telling me what it is you feel" "The dream has been communicating to you?" "I had a patient come in for the first time" "At the beginning of the week..." "Frances." "She's..." "she's an actress..." "A famous actress... though not quite as famous as she thinks she is." "I probably shouldn't have..." "I suppose you can guess who I'm talking about by the first name." "I'll try not to." "I'm more interested in hearing how she relates to the dream." "Okay." "Well, her sister is dying of breast cancer..." "Her younger sister Patricia." "She didn't tell me right away." "She had plenty else to say." "She's... well, she's what I kind of expected, you know..." "Self-involved, narcissistic," ""did Beckett in London."" "But once she got to it..." "What?" "She talked about the genetic marker" "For breast cancer..." "the brca1 gene." "How her mother had it and then her sister," "That it's inherited." "My father died of Parkinson's two years ago." "This is why you're seeing the neurologist next week." "You're afraid you may have Parkinson's." "My hand has been shaking for three months." " Have you had other symptoms?" " Stiffness, unsteadiness." "I drop things." " Would you say this fear has..." " it's not a fear, doctor." "It's a fact." "My hand shakes." "My father had Parkinson's." "That's why I'm seeing the neurologist," "So the neurologist can address it." "This..." "This concern about Parkinson's..." "Do you think it has something to do with the dream you've been having?" "Well, I've been actively ignoring the clear symptoms of the disease," "And my unconscious has been trying to get me to stop ignoring it." "That must have been very difficult to deal with... your father's death." "Was this during your treatment with Gina toll?" " Did you feel..." " look please, enough." "I've been over this" "About my anger at my father for walking out on us when I was a teenager;" "My mother's suicide when I was 17;" "My need to save people as a result..." "I've been over this again and again" "With one of the best analysts on the East coast." "I do understand it all." "There's really nothing that..." "Nothing more for you to contribute to that." "I just wanna make sure I understand something." "Sure, fine." " You said Gina toll was your teacher." " Mm-hmm, mm-hmm." " And then she was your supervisor?" " Yeah." " And after that, your analyst." " Yes." "And she also saw you and your ex-wife" " As a couple's therapist?" " Mm-hmm, correct." "Yeah, I see." "What do you mean, you see?" " What are you implying?" " I'm not implying anything." "I'm just trying to understand the methods" "Of one of the best analysts on the East coast." "Are you fucking kidding me?" "What are you, 36 years old?" "You've been practicing for what, three or four years at the most?" "Who the fuck are you to question my treatment over the past two decades?" "You've been resistant to discussion since you came in." "I'm trying to get as full a sense as I can of why that might be." "I'm sorry if I offended you." "You seem distressed." "Of course I'm distressed." "I haven't slept all week." "My wife's divorced me." "I'm alienated from my kids" "Who live with her and this man" "That she's gonna marry." "And I now realize I've got a disease" "Who is going to confine me to a chair... trapped, paralyzed..." "In five years or so," "And probably kill me within 10." "I think I have a right to be distressed." "I think I have a right to maybe have sleep problems, don't you think?" "Of course you have a right." "Yeah." "Before I fill out the prescription," "I just need to ask some medical questions." "Do you have any other medical issues" "Other than the neurological issues you mentioned?" "No." "Are you currently taking any medication?" "Uh, just..." "Lipitor, 20mg a day;" "Oh, and baby aspirin, one tablet a day." " 81mg?" " Right." " Anything else?" " Look, I want you to know that" "My treatment with Gina was..." "was an effective one." "Like I said, she's a highly capable person" "And she's able to keep her roles separate when necessary." "She knew me well." "There was a lot of trust and respect there" "And... uh... yeah." "I understand." "I do apologize if I offended you." "Can I ask what it feels like" "To be reading your analyst's novel?" "I couldn't help noticing your book." "That's her, yes?" "Gina toll?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Well, like I said," "She's... she's a highly capable woman." "She therapizes, she supervises, she writes." "You should see her on a trapeze." "Anyway, I saw the ad in the paper yesterday." "Then walking over here, I was passing the bookshop on court street," "And there it was in the window, so I..." "Guess I couldn't resist." "I mean, if I'd thought for one minute about how you might see it," " I would have asked for a bag." " And how might I see it?" " Here we go." " No, tell me what you imagine." "Do you really need me to tell you?" "A patient comes into a new therapist's office" "Clutching a book by his old therapist," "A giant picture of her face grinning off the back?" "It's..." "What?" "What were you going to say?" "Well, it's kind of..." "embarrassing, really." "It's like a shield, a security blanket" "Or, you know, a kind of a get-out-of-jail-free card." " Get-out-of-jail-free card?" " Please." "God, I wish I did have a bag." "Hmm." "Yeah." "It's a pretty good photograph." "It's airbrushed," "But she looks great." "Great big smile." "Very pleased with herself." "I would be with, uh..." "with blurbs like these." "You've read the back?" ""insightful and sharp." "A masterful spin through the tortured human psyche."" "That's Lorrie Moore." ""wise and deeply empathetic"..." "Amy bloom." "I guess..." "I guess it's good." "How does it feel, reading those quotes?" "That's high praise for a woman whose talent and intellect" "You say you respect." "And yet you read that..." " I'm happy for her." "I am." "I am." " Okay." "See, I'm not claiming that it's not... it's not complicated," "There's not some..." "Jealousy." "Sure, but... of course." "I should... well, I should wait till I read it myself." "But... but I uh..." "I am pleased for her, yeah." "What are you jealous of?" "Well, clearly she's made a new life for herself," "Found a way to escape from..." "From patients like me." "Quite a feat really..." "phoenix like." "Why are you so convinced Gina wanted to escape from you?" "Give me another 10 minutes and you'll understand completely." "You're probably feeling it already." " No." "I hadn't been." " Well, you're extremely polite." "Do you feel that way with your patients, like you want to escape?" "You know, I told Gina once" "That with patients I feel like..." "It's like two mice in a glue trap..." "Stuck, immobile," "Getting nowhere." "She was disgusted to hear that." "Do you still feel that way?" "I've been a therapist for..." "For 25 years, you know?" " I understand that." " Really, you couldn't possibly," "But you will." " It becomes..." " What?" "Oppressive." "Oppressive." "You start to see the limitations," "The artifice of it all." "In what ways?" "I'm genuinely curious." "Another analyst across from me..." "I'd really like to know what your experience has been." "I'd..." "I..." "I'd like to know what's coming." "I see this teenager, Jesse." "He's 16," "Adopted, gay," "Aggressive..." "pushes everybody away." "Anyway, his, um..." "His birth mother called him this week" "Just out of the blue." "And he hasn't been able to tell anybody... not his mother," " Not a friend..." " but he told you?" "Yeah." "He told me." "It paid to listen intently." "There are times in that room where I feel..." "I really feel that we connect," "We make contact." "And then he goes back into the world..." "The real world, the actual world..." "And he just..." "He implodes" "And the work that we've done together is just..." "It's just gone." "I recognize that feeling." "It's incredibly frustrating" " To feel like you're not making progress." " Mm-hmm." "But don't you think even t act of listening has value?" "I've been seeing this new patient..." "An immigrant from Calcutta." "He wife died about six months ago." "So his son and his daughter-in-law" "Have him stuck in the spare room..." "No friends, no one to talk to." "So they drag him to see me" "To make everything better." "And all he wants from me..." "All he wants from me" "Is for me to bring his wife back." "He's got the loneliest face I've ever..." "I've ever seen." "Hmm." "Sits across from me looking trapped," "Without an ounce of belief that I can do anything to help him." "And sometimes I just wanna say, "Sunil, you' right." "There's-there's nothing I can do."" "You described both of these patients" "As not having someone to talk to, confide in..." "At least outside your office." "And I'm wondering if you do." "If I... if-if I..." "If I do what?" "All the significant attachments in your life..." "The ones you've mentioned here..." "Your father, your wife, Gina... have ended." "You say you're seeing less of your kids." "I mean, do you have someone... a friend," "A companion, another adult... to talk to?" "You mentioned you were college friends" "With Dr. Burdick who referred you here." " Do you talk with him?" " Do-do I, uh..." "No." "But we're not really friends." "We're more old acquaintances." "But yes, I do have somebody to talk to." "I've..." "her name is Wendy." "We've been seeing each other." "And yeah, I talk with her." "We..." "We talk." "Is that who you were on the phone with in the waiting room?" " Yes." " You told her you were somewhere else." "What was it, the grocery store?" "Well, she's 37." "I'm 57." "I-I haven't gotten to the place" "Where I feel comfortable telling her" "I have Parkinson's." "Well, I can understand your not wanting to tell your girlfriend" "About the possibility of having Parkinson's," "But letting her know you have a therapy appointment" "Isn't exactly the same thing." "You're not seeing me for Parkinson's." "Well, I mean, it... it's all related, isn't it?" "And because?" "I'm having the dream, Ase, I can't sleep.He dream." "And because I can't sleep, I'm here..." "About to be late for a movie," "Waiting for you to write a prescription." "Understood." " You're seeing a movie?" " Yes." "You and Wendy?" "Yes, Wendy and me." "I'm gonna prescribe the extended-release tablets." "Some people find them helpful in sleeping through the night." " Thank you." " Just remember..." "You can't take more until six hours have elapsed." "How was your sleep last night?" "I woke up at 2:30" "And couldn't get back asleep." " Woke up from the dream?" " Mm-hmm." "You used very similar language when you spoke" "Both about the possibility of having Parkinson's" "As well as your experience of being a therapist." "You talked about Sunil being stuck up in the spare room," "About feeling trapped like mice in a glue trap with your patients." "That same language of escape and entrapment" "Came up when you spoke about Gina." "I'm wondering if your dream has similar imagery." "No." "Actually, it doesn't." "Thank you for this." "May I ask you one last thing?" "Yes." "You said you had the dream again last night?" "Yes." "Here's what confuses me..." "If you figured out several days ago what the dream means," "The content has be communicated from your unconscious" "To your conscious mind." "Why are you still having it?" "I've gotta go." " Enjoy your movie." " Thank you." "If you decide you wanna talk any further," "My door is always open to you." "What did you just say?" "Max?" "Is everything okay?" "Hey, dad." "What... what are you doing here?" "I came to live with you."