"Previously on Veronica Mars..." "What are you doing here?" "My husband didn't kill himself." "What makes you think that?" "Because I know my husband." "Why bother with something not good... just because it's something?" "Especially when you know the difference, which not many people do?" "I mean, do you?" "I think I do." " Are you gonna eat that?" " This?" "Yeah, that fry in particular." "That was the plan." "I'm just saying, if you weren't, or if you were just gonna consume it out of obligation... or to meet someone else's expectations," "I know someone who might be willing to take it off your hands." "Maybe add a little ketchup, make it worth a girl's while." "You're welcome." "Well, I'm off to astronomy." " Did you see the Lampoon yet?" " Unh-unh." "Enjoy." ""Multiple eggings beat fear into Lampoon editors"" "Don't tell me they actually wrote something funny in there." "Better." "The Hearst Lampoon offices got egged... the night after Dean O'Dell reinstated the Greeks." "See, that's where the egg was launched at the Pi Sig party by unknown persons." "Read the Lilith House girls." "I can't believe how dumb these people are, you know?" "They're mad at the dean, so they egg his window, like he's the one who has to clean it up." "The dean's window?" "It doesn't mention the dean's window." "That night, they egged the dean's office, too." "I don't know why they didn't put that in there." "Maybe they couldn't find a way to make it funny." "He was a good guy, the dean, you know." "Ah, got it." "Somebody filed it under D." "Mr. Mars requested the report on Cyrus O'Dell's suicide." "You know you're not sheriff anymore, right?" "Just an interested citizen." "It's a public record, Sheriff." "He filled out the form." "Always looking for a crime where there isn't one." "I think you need a new hobby, Keith." "Oh, I don't know." "I find solving an investigation very relaxing." "You should give it a try sometime." " Yeah, yeah." "I'll get right on that." " Hmm." "Veronica, hey." "Sir Cheats-a-Lot." "How's business?" "Booming." "It's like no one here wants to do his own work." "I've actually brought in employees." "Question." "Does your team provide study guides for ethics exams?" "Every day." "Yeah, the irony has kind of faded over time." "So, my own question." "Is it true you're, like, a junior private investigator?" "Because if it's true, A: that's really cool, and B:" "I-I've got a case for you." "You're just like the rest of them, aren't you?" "You just want to use me for my skills... and pay me for my time and effort." "Do I have an option of using you for your skills and not paying?" "The friends-and-family plan..." "unfortunately, you're neither." "Then I guess I'll pay." "Here's the deal." "The woman I love is getting married next week." "I have no idea where or to who." "I don't know her address, her phone number." "I don't even know her last name." "If you don't find her," "I'm taking a bath with my blow-dryer." "Veronica Mars 3x11 - Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves" "So we're straight, this girl you love:" "you don't know where she lives, who she's marrying, or, if I understand correctly, her name." " I know her first name." " A triumph." "And she's from Poughkeepsie." "She mentioned that." "How do I put this delicately?" "Does she know who you are?" "Yes." "We met at this convention thing." "We got to talking." "We hit it off." "We ended up staying up all night in my hotel room talking about, you know, life, the big picture." "We connected on some higher plane." "Last names, at that point, seemed trivial." "Uh-huh, so, what was the convention?" "Is there actually a fake-term-paper and stolen-test-provider union?" "It was ComicCon." "You didn't get all sweaty in your Wookiee suit, did you?" "Yuk it up." "You know, it's not all Trekkies and Star Wars nerds." "I was there because Dave Gibbons has a new graphic novel that he scripted as well as drew." "Sounds cooler now." "So, about the one that got away, she was dressed as a Cylon, and you only knew her as Six, right?" "Her name is Chelsea, and she was in regular clothes." "And, yeah, after the Dave Gibbons thing," "I may have drifted into the Battlestar Galactica session." "And, yeah, that's where we met." "And, okay, we started out talking about how... the Cylon raiders on BSG look like Batman's car when it turns into a plane." "But then... then we started talking about... our crappy relationships with our parents and... and Chuck Klosterman and moral grayness." "And how when you see a plastic bag flying around, you think there's so much beauty in the world you can't take it?" "You get the picture." "I do." "Connection, higher plane." "Then you frakked." "No." "No, but sex was hardly the point." "What we had was better." "I took her to the airport in the morning." "We were running late." "She said she left me a note by my bed, with all her information on it." "By the time I got back to the room, housekeeping had been there, and the note was gone." "Are you sure she actually left it?" "Positive." "So, how do you know she's..." "A few days ago, she sent me a text message." "It said that she was giving up waiting for me to call, that her and her ex were getting back together and they're getting married." "So, why am I here?" "Because I've got to stop her." "She's only marrying him because I didn't call her back." "Well, if she sent you a text, then you've got her number." "Call her and explain it all." "I've called a bunch of times." "Some guy answers, says he's never heard of Chelsea." "Can I see the text?" "I showed it to my roommate, and he accidentally erased it." "I have the number the text came from, though." "Where?" "Have a seat." "No, thanks." "It's easier to be nosy if I can mill about." "You know Mac and Parker?" "This is their room." " Who?" " This photo." "No, that was from the around-the-world party." "That's my roommate, Brian, and my friend, Fred." "I think that room was supposed to be Canada, but it was kind of lame." "Here's the number." "Let's give it a shot." "Yeah?" "Hi, I'm sorry to bug you again, but my friend is trying to track down... someone who sent him a text message from this phone." "I told him, I don't know a Chelsea." "Yeah, but 845, can you tell me where that area code is from?" " Goshen, New York." " Is that near Poughkeepsie?" "About forty-three miles." "Is that where you are now?" "Maybe someone borrowed your cell phone." "I didn't lend anyone my phone, and I'm not in Goshen." "I go to college out in California." "Really?" "Where?" "It's this tiny west coast liberal arts college... no one's ever heard of:" "Hearst." "Actually, I've heard of it." "Could you check your phone, see if the text message is still in your outbox?" "I just got it last month." "I haven't quite learned all the features yet." "Mind if I come check for myself?" "How are you gonna do that?" "Just tell me where you are." "I'll handle the travel arrangements." "It's right here, under "messages."" "Just scroll down to "sent,"" "and bingo." "Here it is." ""Max, I don't know why I haven't heard from you." "I guess I was wrong about our night together."" "I didn't send that." "When was the last time you were back east?" "Christmas." "Maybe you were out on the town, a couple eggnogs to the wind, some sweet, young thing asks to borrow your..." "Hot stuff, coming through." "And he's carrying a tray of muffins." "I know you." " Uh..." " You're Max's roommate, aren't you?" "Yeah, I'm Brian." "Hey." "Brian." "Really?" "You look more like a Chelsea." "News?" "Already?" "The glass-is-half-full version:" "Chelsea's not getting married." "Are you serious?" "Yeah." "The half-empty version is... she's a hooker." "Brian and Fred, as demented as this sounds, thought you'd have more confidence with girls if you... lost your virginity." "I'm gonna go kill my friends now, so... if you could just leave me a bill." "The impression I got, they thought they were doing a good thing." "I'm sorry, but on what planet am I a sexual charity case?" "Like I haven't had opportunities?" "I've had opportunities, but I have standards." "High standards." "Maybe... maybe... that's why they picked her, 'cause they could tell." "They didn't interview her, Max." "They weren't matchmaking." "They coached her." "They told her you were a Battlestar fan." "They gave her the "so say we all" t-shirt she was wearing." "That line about the Cylon raiders looking like Batman's car;" "they fed her that." "What about the text message?" "When they saw you pining, they wanted to find a way to put you out of your misery without... well... crushing you." "Brian found out a guy he works with is from upstate New York." "He swiped his phone, sent you a message as Chelsea saying goodbye so you'd get over her." "Can you still find her?" "Um... yes." "But she'll still be a prostitute." "I'm not stupid, Veronica." "Okay, we had something." "I know it." "There's some things you can't fake." "There are some things women are universally known for faking, and this girl is a professional." "When I dropped her off at the airport, she had tears in her eyes." "Are you sure she wasn't thinking of the cab fare back?" "Fine." "Think what you want." "The job was to find her, not tell me her occupation." "Are you gonna do it or not?" "He wants you to track her down?" "You can't do this." "You're just fuelling his fire." "He's obsessed." "He thinks she's the one." "She's the first girl to touch where his bathing suit covers." "Of course he thinks she's the one." "Actually, she's not." "He wasn't a virgin?" "We spent five hundred each on a hooker, and he wasn't a virgin?" "No, you spent five hundred each, and he's still a virgin." "Okay, she better have done some crazy, like, circus act." "They talked and connected." "This is the worst moment of my life." "Well, he didn't say anything." "We just figured he's one of those gentlemen guys... who doesn't talk about it." "Wait, is that why he wants you to find her, 'cause he wants to sleep with her?" "No." "I mean, he probably does want to sleep with her, but mainly, he thinks they have a connection." "You definitely told him she was a hooker?" "I think he needs to see it for himself." "A little brutal truth." "So, how did you find her?" "A hooker search engine." "What will you boys come up with next?" "Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea." "And thar she blows." "One Chelsea." "That explains why Chelsea was into comic books." "Chelsea's a dude." "That's not her." "They change their working names all the time." "Great." "There are only 18,731 escorts listed on the site." "Much as I'd like to peruse their pages individually..." "Try narrowing the search by preference." "You know: hair colour, height, bondage preferences." "You know Max's preference?" "Hey, that's easy." "Yeah, we just described Milla Jovovich with a b-cup." "And found one into role-playing." "How very Weird Science." "Let's see." "It's like a Zagat Guide for hookers." "How did people find sex before there was an internet?" "Whoa, overall looks... we've got everything from "model material" to "tripple bagger."" "I can only assume." "What's GFE?" "Girlfriend experience." "She has to be an experienced girlfriend?" "It's the type of experience you want her to have." "You want it to be like she's your girlfriend, it's a GFE, girl friend experience." "But if you want to act like you're in a porn, it's a PSE:" "porn-star experience." "Is there a reality experience, where she reminds the guy she's only there because he's paying her?" "Okay, boys, let's find that hooker." "From 18,000 down to two." "Your attention to detail has served us well, young Jedis." "So, which blurry-faced, fatherless girl is she?" "Pink bikini, maybe?" "I don't know." "I think the one we picked had a longer torso." "I come home after a hard day at work, and there you are, lounging... with your bonbons and your Harper's Bazaar." "There better be some freshly pressed shirts in my closet, or so help me." "What?" "You got nothing?" "Maybe I'm not in the mood." "Amuse me, damn it." "Amuse me now." "I finally... got the police report on... the dean's suicide." "That needs work." "Did the report say anything about the dean's office getting egged?" "Nope, but then again, it looks like it was done by a tenth grader." "I swear it might as well have heavy-metal band logos sketched in the margins." "There are these girls from Lilith House, activists with a real grudge against the Greeks." "They hated the dean." "One of them, Nish, was the editor at the newspaper." "When O'Dell fired her, she swore he'd regret it." "They went on an egging spree the night of his suicide, protesting him reinstating the Greeks." "Do you mind talking to them?" "Yeah, I think I've dipped into that well one too many times." "They're not big Veronica fans." "I think you're probably gonna have to handle this one yourself." "If you go undercover as a student, no Daniel Boone jacket, no peace signs." "The times, they have a-changed." "Will you be home for dinner?" "No, I'm meeting two hookers over at Logan's later." "On a school night?" "Off-peak hours." "Save a few bucks." "You're not really." "Fiona and Lizette." "They're just a couple of gals putting themselves through college." "Man, quit bringing me down with your bourgeois hang-ups." "Hey, should we have gotten more for the hookers?" "As I understand it, they prefer the term "escorts."" "So, have you... ever been with one?" "An escort?" "Yeah." "Do we really want to go there?" "I guess we don't have to now." " That wasn't me answering the question." " It kinda was." "No it wasn't." "That was me knowing there's a land mine... and trying to figure out where to put my foot." "Well, I guess you picked your spot." "Look, why not dispel any romantic notions?" "If we see each other, warts and all, and still like each other, that's a real connection." "Well, maybe I enjoy my romantic notions." "Maybe I don't care to see any warts, you know, yours or mine." "Now you see, you're smiling, all right, so I think it's all fun and safe, but it's a slippery slope from "Have you ever been"" "to "How many" and "How often."" "So you've been with multiple hookers on several occasions." "I'm not having this conversation with you." "Logan, Max." "Max, Logan." "Yeah, I-I didn't know she was a hooker at the time that..." "No one's judging, man." "As you know, we are looking for a new home." "And when we leave, we shall be able to retain only Thomas and Betsy." "What, you think hookers are known for their punctuality?" "Where's your bathroom?" "It's wrong that I'm nervous, right?" "Hey, there." "I'm Lizette." "Hello." "Welcome to my place." "Thank you." "Oh!" "Well, hey, there, to you, too." "I'm totally up for it, guys, but... it's gonna cost you extra, right?" "That's not her." "Sorry, Lizette." "Looks like we're gonna have to reschedule." "Pay the girl, Max." " If we're paying her anyway..." " Honey?" "Sorry, I was looking for someone else." "I'll live." "This is just wasteful." "Hey, there." "I'm Fiona." "Chelsea." "Oh, my God." "Max, is that you?" "!" "Oh, my God!" "This is nice." "We should hang out with your friends more." "So, Fiona, where are you from, originally?" "Uh, actually, this is a bit awkward, but my name is really Wendy." "Really?" "Wendy." "I like it." "You guys need a refill... or a room?" "We're good." "Thanks." "Oh, sorry." "I guess we're being pretty rude." "It's just..." "I never thought I'd see Max again." "I bet." "God, I was such a girl when he dropped me off at the airport, all misty and dramatic." "I missed the misty?" "When he was leaving, I felt this rush." "I thought about everything that led to that moment." "Um, all the choices that I made that got me to that exact spot, that exact time.." "how, if I made different ones," "I could be with this sweet guy who was dropping me off at the airport, all teary-eyed." "Well, I-I mean..." "I wasn't teary-eyed." "I hadn't slept much, and, you know, my eyes were..." "Three to one, Dick forgot his key card again." "Takers?" "Madison." "Oh." "It's you." "So, are you and Logan, like, dating again, or are you hotel staff?" "Did somebody order a PSE?" "Dick's not here." "Hey, Logan." "Hey." "So, uh, what are you kids up to tonight?" "Oh, same old, same old." "Well, this looks like super fun, but I should probably go do something that doesn't suck." "Don't party too hard, you guys." "Friend of yours?" "No, Madison is pretty much the physical embodiment... of all things I loathe." "If Dick starts dating her again, you're gonna need to get a different roommate." "Morning." "Whatcha doing?" "Just getting dressed for work." "Wait." "You're missing something." "Now, remember, when you rip off the breakaway pants, thrust your pelvis toward the bachelorette, okay?" "It's her special day." " Claire Nordhouse?" " Uh..." "Mind if I ask you a few questions?" "I'm sorry." "What is this about?" "Just a few questions, ma'am." "Do you mind if I come in?" "You're Fern Delgado?" "Yeah." "What are you doing here?" "Oh, just following upon some things from the night Cyrus O'Dell died." "The dean?" "Right." "Dean O'Dell." "The night he died, someone egged his office." "So that's a crime now." "Always has been." "So, you did it?" "I didn't say that." "Okay, well, I am." "I'm saying you girls egged the dean's office the same night you were out egging the Lampoon office and various other campus hotspots." "So I'd like to ask you a few questions about it." "So What?" "!" "You think a few eggs, and I'm not saying we threw them, made the dean up and kill himself?" "Actually, we believe the dean was murdered." "So, what I think... is that you guys were in the area when this happened." "You were known to carry a grudge against the man." "Hold on." "We didn't kill anyone." "Who's "we"?" "Who else was on this little egg adventure?" "It was just us." "Just the two of you." "No one else?" "And Nish." "No she wasn't." "Nish was not with us when we egged the dean's office." "But she was with you when you egged the Lampoon office and the statue." "Interesting." "So, where was she?" "When you were outside his office, throwing eggs at his window, where was your friend Nish?" "Don't look at each other, and don't you dare lie." "Where'd she go?" "Would you rather talk at the station, with your lawyer?" "What, are you kidding?" "Mr. Mars?" "Is this some kind of a joke?" "He's not a cop." "He used to be." "He's a private eye." "Do you two ever watch the news?" "Nish, you were out egging buildings the night the dean died, but you weren't with them when they egged the dean's office." "Where were you?" "First of all, I don't have to say anything." "And second of all," "I'm pretty sure what you're doing right now is illegal." "But I'll tell you." "What the hell, I got nothing to hide." "I went around and egged the dean's car." "His car." "That Volvo that he loved so much." "He says the dean was murdered." "I got your text." "I take it your connection with Wendy has found an even higher plane?" "I want to hire you again." "Make Wendy disappear." "I guess she needs a new ID, a new name, someone to close out her old apartment." "Max, you think maybe this is all too fast?" "I'll admit, I was surprised." "She seemed to be really fond of you, but..." "Veronica's gonna help us." "Oh, my God." "Thank you." "That's the thing about being a working girl." "Easy to break into, not so easy to get out of." "It's not like I'm one of the big earners, but I have this client, a judge." "Ooh, a judge?" "Which one?" "Cramer." "No freaking way!" "My dad busted him for taking bribes, and the old bastard still got re-elected." "He is the kinkiest out of all my clients." "No sex, he just likes to sneak me into his office at the courthouse." "All he wants to do is have tickle fights and walk around in my shoes." "Well... you don't have to worry about him stretching out your shoes anymore." "Whatever it costs." "Where's Wendy?" "If you don't come back with me and with a thousand dollars for your time last night," "Mr. Happyfists is gonna play connect the bruises on me." "She's not going back." "We're getting you away from this." "Yeah, please, get her away from this so I can get my ass kicked a little more." "Max, I have to go back." "Let me talk to your pimp, explain things." "I have a head for business." "You'll end up with a head for a hood ornament." "There's no other way, Max." "I have to go." "It was a great night, wasn't it?" "Maybe my best night ever." "This was supposed to be for paying you, but... it's a thousand, right?" "Yeah, a thousand." "Hey, we'll figure something out, okay?" "Come on, Wendy." "We got to go." "Is he still out there?" "He hasn't moved." "That's it." "I'm kicking him out." "No, let me talk to him." "You'll always have ComicCon." "For what little it's worth, I was totally wrong." "You and Wendy do have something." "You two are great together." "And I'm sorry." "And this just plain sucks." "That was my useless speech." "I will now busy myself by bringing you a glass of water." "Max?" "So?" "She wears makeup." "It's purple makeup." "The bruise was a fake." "You've been had." "They duped you." "Nicki didn't get worked over by her pimp." "She and Wendy just conned you out of a grand." "That's crazy." "Crazy?" "She screws people for money, Max." "That's what she does." "I'm sorry." "That wasn't..." "No, I'm an idiot." "You're not." "From where I stand," "Wendy's the idiot." "And now we must crush her." "How to make the happy hooker not so happy." "Got it." "Thanks." "Judge High Heels' home phone." "This is a bad idea." "It's blackmail." "It's the go-to idea." "In case of emergency, break glass or blackmail." "Well, excuse me if I can't get jazzed about my girlfriend extorting a judge." "Look, I'm not doing a back handspring about it either, but I'm getting Max his thousand dollars back, and I'm taking away Wendy's best client." "It works on so many levels." "You don't have to do this." "I'll use your cell phone." "They won't be able to trace the call back to me." "Judge Cramer." "You don't know me, but I know a lot about you." "No, really I do." "I know you're a judge." "I know you have a weekly date with a hooker at the courthouse, and that you have a proclivity for high heels and tickling." "All I need is a thousand dollars to keep quiet." "Get a locker at the Neptune bus station." "Leave the money." "Call me with the locker number and passcode." "You have twenty-four hours." "Well, I guess I should get out of your guys' hair, go mope around my dorm." "Thank you." "I can't believe I had to blackmail a judge just to get some alone time with you." "You really don't have to work that hard." "Sure, I do." "["A Thousand Kisses Deep"" " Leonard Cohen]" "You know, if I were a hooker, this snuggle would cost you." "I'll gladly pay." "Really?" "For this?" "Cash money." "But seriously, folks... have you?" "What?" "Ever been with a hooker?" "Why does it matter?" "I just want to know." "I assume the answer is yes." "Look at it as an opportunity for me to show you how cool I can be." "Hooker?" "Who cares?" "Well, here's your chance to be cool." "Stop asking." "I just... want to get to a place with you where we can be really... intimate." "That's what the female praying mantis says before she bites the male's head off." "I'm just saying, buried secrets tend to surface when I'm around." "Maybe that's because of all the digging, huh?" "I'm giving you the chance right now to come clean." "You tell all." "I tell all." "Go from there." "Fine." "Ask away." "Ask... anything you want." "Have you ever been with a hooker?" "No." "You want to ask me anything?" "Have you ever been with a hooker?" " No." " No." " The night you were in Mexico with Mercer" " Are you kidding me?" "How was he able to get back to Neptune, commit a rape, and return to Mexico without you knowing?" "Uh..." "I must have passed out." "I don't know, it felt like a couple minutes, but it could have been hours." "Although, maybe he drugged me or something." "Your question." "You can have my turn." "Were you with anyone while we were broken up?" "Land mine." "I fooled around with this horrible girl... who meant less than nothing to me, and I couldn't regret it more." "Thinking of it makes me ill." "So, there." "Presto." "Intimacy." "Still love me?" "Yes." "♪ Confined to sex, we pressed against" "♪ The limits of the sea" "Hello." "Judge Cramer called." "He dropped off the money." "Feel like coming with me to pick it up?" "The pickup is the best part." "I'll meet you in twenty minutes." "Get in." "Okay, look, maybe calling the judge wasn't a great idea, but one of your girls ripped off my friend, and we were just trying to get his money back." "So... could you let us out of the car now?" "Lesson learned." "Not me." "Her." " Her?" " Me." "I'm the one who gets called when one of my girls does something dumb." "You mean you're the..." "I'm Wendy's agent." "I don't think this is street legal." "What's the voltage on this?" "Put it down, Happy." "Wait, there really is a Mr. Happyfists?" "I thought that was just colourful language." "Look, Wendy didn't do anything dumb, okay?" "I did." "I called the judge." "I don't think you did." "He said it was a girl's voice." "And Wendy has done a bunch of dumb things." "She fell for a client." "She tried to leave me without saying goodbye." "She told a client about the judge." "I'm sorry." "Did you say she fell for a client?" "She asked out." "But there's a problem, you see." "Wendy owes me money." "Braces aren't cheap." "Tattoo removal isn't cheap." "Clothes and housing aren't cheap." " Now, she could work it off" " I'll pay." "You're a hell of a negotiator, Max." "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." "Ten grand, and a promise that you never talk to another one of my clients again." "And next time," "I won't go the makeup route with the bruises." "They're gonna be the real thing." "Max, think about this." "Fine." "Ten grand." "You want to run me by my bank?" "You just handed over a hundred hundred dollar bills." "Yeah, I was there." "And what guarantee do you have that..." "That boy is smitten." "Yeah, isn't he great?" "Yeah, pretty great." "So, what is the secret to making a guy fall for you like that?" "Dumb luck... and interesting lingerie." "Never underestimate the power of lingerie." "Yo, Veronica." "I'm sorry." "I got to tell somebody about this." "You're never gonna guess what somebody tried to flush down... the commode in the faculty lounge." "Hey, I-I know you." "Weevil, this is Wendy." "Fiona, right?" "You used to dance at the Electric Lady." "My buddy was a bouncer up there." "You must be thinking of someone else." "No, I don't think so." "You have a tattoo, red dragon, left cheek." "Am I right?" "Weevil, you got the wrong girl." "Yeah, yeah, you're right." "I'm sorry about that." "See you around, V." "Man, you just love that report." "Your buddy Nish said specifically that she egged the dean's Volvo, but according to the report, the dean was driving the minivan." "That's the car they found in the parking lot." "So, Nish is lying?" "Or maybe the dean's Volvo was also there." "That's the car Mindy was driving that night." "Maybe she paid a visit to her husband." "Why wouldn't she mention that to you?" "That's exactly what I'm wondering." "["Wheels"" " Mark Lanegan]" "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "Why?" "You've just been quiet." "That's all." "It's just-it's just, I have to have this read by Tuesday." "Yeah, that's fine." "There was a dragon on your purse the first time we met." "I guess you're a fan of dragons." "Yeah." "I like dragons." "♪ Here I am" "♪ Just runnin' round catching' 'em" "Uh, Stewpot warning." "He's sniffing around." "Thanks." "Who's Stewpot?" "Stewart Potter, our RA." "I think he saw you with the bags." "He can be a pain." "Thanks for letting me hang out." "It will just be a couple days." "I just need to find a place, get a job." "I might actually know of a job." "Really?" "Yeah, that's what we came to see you about." "My older brother is getting married next Saturday, and the guy organising his bachelor party has this really uptight wife, so they didn't book a stripper." "We're scrambling to get someone." "Um, it should be a good gig." "They're all, like, lawyers." "Hey, dudes!" "That's my girl you're talking to." "And I'm retired, actually." "Of course." "Of course." "I'm sorry." "I didn't know what the story was." "It's cool." "We can find somebody else." "♪ My little love smiles on a wing" "♪ For all a raindrop and tears not wasted there" "Do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Probably." "But go ahead." "When I dropped you off at the airport and you said you left all your information back at the hotel?" "I got back... and the room was clean." "So..." "I guess my question is... uh, did-did you really leave it for me?" "Was it really there?" "No." "But I really wish I left it." "I think I'm gonna take a walk." "I haven't paid you yet." "I don't want you to come collecting." "If it isn't the Man of La Mancha." "How's tricks?" "Sorry." "I mean things." "How are things?" "Things?" "They suck." "Wendy left." "The upside?" "I actually got a note this time." "She said it wasn't gonna work out." "You bought her out of prostitution, and she left you?" "Please tell me you don't want me to find her again." "No, no." "I think she may be right." "She said, uh..." "What'd she say?" "She said, uh..." ""the-the day we met was one of the best days of my life." "I-I fell for you that day, but you didn't know what I was then, and now you do, and it shows in the way you look at me." "It shows in the way you touch me, but I'll never regret it." "You made me realise what I was missing." "Love, Wendy."" "Ten thousand is a lot to pay for a life lesson." "She's gonna pay me back as soon as she can, Veronica." "Max, please don't get your hopes up." "She already paid me a thousand." "She made some good money last night." "I hope you don't mind getting your money in vertically folded singles." "Oh, Max." "I heard it from a pro." "Lingerie." "Maybe I should get into the spirit of doing things normal girlfriends do." "I should make more of an effort to please my man." "First comes sexy underthings." "Do you have the thigh-highs with the seams up the back?" "I think I saw some between the pasties and the edible underwear." "You know, it's kind of smart of you to raid the sale rack like that." "It's almost a waste for me to spend all this money on something that will be ripped right off of me." "If you're trying to get Dick back," "I don't think you have to work that hard." "Seriously, a hefty bag and some duct tape, and he'd be good to go." "Dick?" "Please." "You came over." "I figured..." "Oh, Logan and I hooked up in Aspen over the holidays." "I guess you two were split, huh?" "I was in town and thought he might have some free time, but, oh, well." "Oh, and, as a friend, he's not so big on the one-piece numbers."