"Honey... you're never gonna believe what I did today." "I decided to take over the Glee Club." "(school bell ringing) KURT:" "My name is Kurt Hummel." "I'm a sophomore at McKinley." "My first day at this school, the principal got up in front of the whole freshman class and told us that the next four years were going to be the best years of our lives." "Out of the way, fag!" "What a joke." "Sorry." "Hope I didn't make you late for remedial math." "What was that?" "Nothing." "I just..." "I just said I was sorry." "(kicks books)" "Nice." "Hey, bro, don't be gay." "KURT:" "Another day, another cataclysmic humiliation." "Everywhere I go, I'm isolated and alone." "I know my mom used to tell me how good it made her feel that I was such a happy kid, but honestly, I don't even remember what that would've even felt like." "I feel like I could die tomorrow and I don't think anyone would really care." "I'm not sure anyone would even notice." "EMMA:" "Can I help you?" "Oh!" "No." "I'm-I'm sorry." "I-I just made a wrong turn." "What's your name?" "Kurt Hummel." "Hi, Kurt." "I'm Miss Pillsbury, the guidance counselor." "Are you new to the school?" "I'm a sophomore." "That's awkward." "Well, if you ever need anything, my door is always open." "(quietly):" "One, two, three, four, five." "Because feelings don't take vacations, do they?" "They work in 24-hour shifts." "I mean, I don't." "I'm only here during regular school hours." "And I take vacation." "I try not to eat into my sick days..." "It was nice meeting you." "Yeah, it was nice meeting you." "Mm-hmm." "(school bell ringing)" "What is that on your hands and your coveralls?" "What would you call that?" "Is that oil?" "Is that grease?" "Down at the shop, we just call it grime." "Grime." "Look, I know why you asked me down here." "Oh, you do?" "Oh." "Oh, dear." "Is Kurt acting strangely at home?" "Yeah, since he was two." "Look, I know he's a little bit different, but I also think it's a little early to be talking about it." "I mean, kids, they grow out of stuff all the time." "When I was his age, I was a Bengals fan." "Now I'm a Browns fan, all the way." "No, sorry," "I don't think we're talking about the same thing." "Um, I'm worried that Kurt is, uh... depressed." "Oh." "No, deeply." "And I'm concerned about him." "Look, I-I walked in on him, and he was reading this." "Hey." "What's up?" "Nothing." "Is it time for me to start dinner?" "Uh, in a minute." "I, uh..." "I got called into school by your guidance counselor today." "She told me..." "some upsetting stuff." "I'm fine, Dad." "She's... she's just overreacting." "Look, Kurt, I don't want to talk about this any more than you do." "Okay?" "You do your thing, I do mine." "But you're all alone down here, most of the time." "You don't have any friends." "You don't understand." "School is very complicated for me." "I was a teenager;" "I get the pressure." "Making friends... that's why I joined the football team." "You want me to join the football team?" "Look, I'm not asking here, Kurt." "This is an order." "By the end of this week, I want you on a team, or I'm taking away the sewing machine." "(school bell ringing)" "(lively chatter)" "May I sit here?" "Be careful with the posters." "They take 20 minutes each to make." "Okay." "I see you're in the Speech Club." "Speech Club, Renaissance Club, the Muslim Students Club, Black Student Union." "It's important for me to be immersed in all cultures." "I'm an actress." "Oh, I know." "I've seen your videos on MySpace." "You're very talented." "I'm Rachel Berry." "Kurt Hummel." "Well, perhaps I should join the Speech Club." "My-my dad's making me join something." "And to be honest with you, I have also been toying around with a career in acting." "I'm not toying around with anything." "The minute I graduate, I'm going directly to Broadway and I'm never looking back." "Besides, you can't join the Speech Club; it's full." " Oh." " Can you carry a tune?" " Yes." " Are you sure?" " Yes." " Because I don't know if you've heard the good news, but the Glee Club is starting up again." "It was really awful when that perv," "Mr. Ryerson, was in charge, but Mr. Schuester is taking over now." "He's the really cool Spanish teacher who looks like an old Justin Timberlake." "When he was in this school and he was in the Glee Club, they won nationals." "Do you know how hard that is?" "I'm assuming that you're a contralto or a mezzo-soprano." "We'll explore your vocal range tomorrow after school." "I'll reserve the auditorium." "(plays single note)" "♪ Whenever I see someone ♪" "♪ Less fortunate than I ♪" "♪ And let's face it, who isn't ♪" "♪ Less fortunate than I?" "♪" "♪ My tender heart tends to start to bleed ♪" "♪ And when someone needs a makeover ♪" "♪ I simply have to take over ♪" "♪ I know, I know ♪" "♪ Exactly what they need ♪" "♪ And even in your case ♪" "♪ Though it's the toughest case ♪" "♪ I've yet to face ♪" "♪ Don't worry ♪" "♪ I'm determined to succeed ♪" "♪ Follow my lead ♪" "♪ And yes, indeed ♪" "♪ You ♪" "♪ Will ♪" "♪ Be ♪" "♪ Popular ♪" "♪ You're gonna be popular ♪" "♪ I'll teach you the proper poise ♪" "♪ When you talk to boys ♪" "♪ Little ways to flirt and flounce ♪" "Ooh!" "♪ I'll show you what shoes to wear ♪" "♪ How to fix your hair ♪" "♪ Everything that really counts ♪" "♪ To be popular ♪" "♪ I'll help you be popular ♪" "♪ You'll hang with the right cohorts ♪" "♪ You'll be good at sports ♪" "♪ Know the slang you've got to know ♪" "♪ So let's start 'cause you've got an awfully ♪" "♪ Long way to go ♪" "♪ Don't be offended by my frank analysis ♪" "♪ Think of it as personality dialysis ♪" "♪ Now that I've chosen to become a pal ♪" "♪ A sister and advisor ♪" "♪ There's nobody wiser ♪" "♪ Not when it comes to ♪" "♪ Popular ♪" "♪ I know about popular ♪" "♪ And with an assist from me to be who you'll be ♪" "♪ Instead of dreary who you were ♪ ♪ Well, are ♪" "♪ There's nothing that can stop you ♪" "♪ From becoming popular ♪" "♪ Lar ♪" "♪ La, la, la, la ♪" "♪ You'll be popular ♪" "♪ Just not quite as popular ♪" "♪ As me. ♪" "(laughs) That was incredible!" "That is definitely the song that we need to sing when we audition together." "Together?" "I'm sorry, Kurt, it-it doesn't work that way." "When you look at the sky at night, what do you see?" "Um... stars?" "Exactly." "Some shine brighter than others, but they all shine on their own." "I enjoyed singing with you today and I look forward to doing it again, but when it comes to auditions, it's every man for himself on this stage." "Eat or be eaten." "This is show choir." "(school bell ringing)" "Oh!" "Um, hi." " Uh, Miss Jones?" " That's me." "I-I'm Kurt Hummel." "Mm-hmm." "Kurt Hummel." "And what do you want?" "We're walking, we're talking." "Well, I heard that you were a-a total star in your church choir and that you cracked a stained glass window when you hit a high note singing ♪ Jesus. ♪" "Well, that's how you get the big man upstairs' attention." "Well, I want to be just like you." "Kurt, you are..." "you're adorable." "But I just don't think that this pale, sexy," "Keebler Elf look really fits in with my church choir." "I mean, no offense." "Oh, no, no." "None taken." "No, no, not a church." "Uh, here, in the new Glee Club." "Haven't you heard?" "Why wait for Sundays to be Aretha Franklin and Beyoncé and Donna Summer when you can do it every day right here at William McKinley High School?" "Miss Jones is listening." "Well, I-I want to audition, but I'm a-a nobody, you know?" "You know, I don't know what song to sing," "I don't know what to do with my hands when I'm singing," "I don't know how to move all cool, like... like you do, because..." "because you're you, and, well, I'm-I'm..." "I'm this." "But inside, I'm-I'm more." "Okay." "I will help." "First tip:" "you have an incredibly loud sense of fashion..." "Which, you know, respect." "But I see the way that you slink around at this school." "Mm-hmm." "It's time for your attitude to match your outfits." "I guess I just feel safer if I let all the clothes do the talking." "In a way, it lets me feel invisible." "Not anymore." "I think I might know the perfect song for you." "KURT:" "Hello, I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be singing "Mr. Cellophane."" "KURT:" "♪ Cellophane ♪" "♪ Mr. Cellophane ♪" "♪ Should've been my name ♪" "♪ Mr. Cellophane ♪" "♪ 'Cause you can look right through me ♪" "♪ Walk right by me ♪" "♪ And never know I'm there ♪" "♪ Never ♪" "♪ Even ♪" "♪ Know... ♪" "♪ I'm there. ♪" "Thank you." "That was..." "that was really nice." "(power tools whirring)" "KURT:" "Hey, Dad!" " I did it." " Huh?" " I joined a team." " Hey, hey!" "All right!" "There we go, Kurt!" "Which one?" " The Glee Club." " What's Glee Club?" "It's amazing." "We-we sing and we dance and it's full of inducing community-based activities." "Look, uh, Kurt... it's not like I got a problem with it." "I'm all for singing and dancing, but the point of this was for you to feel what it's like to bond over a shared goal." "Well, Glee Club is-is kind of like that." "At the end of the term, we-we perform at this big competition in front of an audience." "Against other schools, you know?" "So it really is like a sports team?" "Yeah, yeah, uh, kind of." "Except with choreography and Beyoncé." "Who's Beyoncé?" "She one of the girls on the team?" "No, Dad, she's, like, the biggest pop star in the world." "Oh." "I mean, we-we could use a-a strong male lead, but..." "I really think it's-it's gonna be something special." "Okay, good." "This is good." "I still think it'd do you good to be part of a real sports team, but... well, you seem happy." "Honestly, Dad, I don't think I've ever been this genuinely excited to go to school." "Thanks for pushing me to do this." "Thanks for showing up for yourself." "MAN:" "Hey, Burt!" "Yeah?" "What?" "KURT:" "I'm gay, Dad." "Please don't stop loving me, but I'm gay." "We good?" "I got to go deal with this." "Yeah... yeah, yeah, we're good." "Okay." "BURT:" "Who needs me?" "(School bell ringing) MERCEDES:" "My name is Mercedes Jones, and I don't have a lot of friends at this school." "I mean, it's not like I get picked on, and folks are nice, I guess, but there sure are a lot of white folks here at McKinley." "I mean, there is that one black kid, but he's real boring." " Hey, Mercedes." " Yeah." "Hi." "I'm a big star at my church, where everybody knows I got a big-ass voice, but here, I'm just a nobody." "But that's all gonna change real soon because I heard they're jump-starting the singing club at McKinley, and Mercedes Jones has decided to sign up." "(school bell ringing)" "Excuse me, Mercedes Jones?" "Hi, I'm Rachel Berry." "I saw that you signed up for the Glee Club." "Me, too." "I can tell by your sloppy signature that you have a very strong personality, and I can tell by the way that you hold your torso that you have a very strong diaphragm, which means that you're very talented." "Which is good, because I'm very talented, too." "Well, it's nice to meet you, Rachel." "Guess I'll be seeing you in Glee Club." "Here's the thing:" "we're both gonna be competing for the female lead, which I want us to see as a good thing." "My dads always say: the person who's better than you, or maybe, in this case, maybe the person who's almost as good as you should be considered your best friend." "Okay, let me just stop you right there, because I can see what it is you're trying to do." "You're trying to get all in my head and make me nervous like Ike Turner so you can swoop down and get all the attention." "But let me tell you something." "I've been dealing with this kind of nonsense for the past three years in my church choir, and I overcame it and I'm over it." "You go to one of those singing black churches." "That's amazing." "One of my dads is black." "See?" "Another thing that we have in common." "What?" "A black dad." "Okay, girl, I got to go to gym class." "I'd really love to hear you sing one time." "Maybe I could come to your church." "Are you serious?" "You want to come to my church?" "(Zella Jackson Price's "I'm His Child" begins)" "♪ I may not be the best at anything ♪" "♪ Or have the best of anything ♪" "♪ Sometimes I feel like ♪" "♪ I'm the least of all ♪" "♪ But I know someone who has everything ♪" "♪ And he's my everything ♪" "♪ And I'm happy just to know ♪" "♪ That I'm his child ♪" "♪ His name is Jesus ♪" "♪ The righteous son of God ♪" "♪ Lily of the valley ♪" "♪ Lily of the valley ♪" "♪ Bright and morning star ♪" "♪ Oh ♪" "♪ His name is Jesus ♪ ♪ Jesus ♪" "♪ He's my everything ♪" "♪ He's my everything ♪" "♪ I am happy just to know that I'm his child ♪" "♪ I may not be the best at anything ♪" "♪ Or have the best of anything ♪" "♪ Sometimes I feel like ♪" "♪ I'm the least of all ♪" "♪ But I know someone who has everything ♪" "♪ And he's my everything ♪" "♪ And I'm happy just to know I'm his child ♪" "♪ His name is Jesus ♪ ♪ Oh, his name is Jesus ♪" "♪ Righteous son of God ♪" "♪ He's the righteous son of God ♪" "♪ Lily of the valley ♪" "♪ Lily of the valley ♪" "♪ Bright and morning star ♪" "♪ Bright and morning star ♪" "♪ His name is Jesus ♪" "♪ Jesus ♪" "♪ He's my everything ♪" "♪ He's my everything ♪" "♪ I am happy just to know ♪ ♪ Happy just to know ♪" "♪ I am happy just to know ♪" "♪ Happy just to know ♪" "♪ That I'm his child. ♪" "(applause)" "(church bell tolling)" " Yes, sweetie." "Okay, take care of your voice, now." " Okay." " Okay, bye-bye." " Mercedes." "I had no idea." "I saw something so special today that I would not have seen had you not invited me." "Well, I'm pretty sure that you invited you, but I'm glad that you felt something." "I saw Mercedes Jones, future RB star." "Your audience is gonna love you." "Oh, so I hear what you're saying:" "my audience isn't your audience." "I should've known." "Should've known what?" "Rachel Berry, you are officially on notice." "Wherever you think your voice can go, mine will be there, too." "(school bell ringing)" "TINA:" "My name is Tina Cohen-Chang, and you don't care." "I'm wildly unpopular, but I love being unpopular." "I'm trying to be unpopular, because I am goth." "Goths have no time for cliché bougie high school cliques." "We are the anti-clique." "What's up, Wu-Tang witch?" "You ride a broomstick or a chop-a-stick?" "Eat m-m..." "D-Don't stutter." "It's not n-nice." "TINA:" "The joke's on you, Puckerman... my stutter is fake." "Not even Meryl Streep herself could fake a stutter for three and a half years." "I could be a big, big star if I weren't so shy." "I need to work on that." "And I also need to stop talking to myself." "Oh, shut up, Tina, everybody talks to themselves." "Begone, jocks." "Begone, cheerleaders." "You have no power here." "True power comes from nonconformity." "That's why I embrace the avant-garde and the unwanted, including a boy in a wheelchair." "What's shakin', bacon?" "N-N-Nothing." "ARTIE:" "My name is Artie Abrams, and I'm in love with Tina Cohen-Chang." "She's not only sexy as hell, she also treats me like a real person." "Almost everyone else around here looks at me like I have terminal cancer and can somehow spread it through my wheelchair, but Tina doesn't look at the chair." "She looks at me." "She jokes with me, argues with me, and I know it sounds lame, but sometimes she even touches my shoulder or my arm." "It's nice, because that never happens to me." "She's my best friend." "I love you." "W-W-What?" "Nothing." "Uh, let's go eat, woman." "(school bell ringing)" "(gasps)" "(laughter)" "I can't believe you guys did it." "Of course we did it, Autobot, because you dared us to and also because we don't give a what what." "Yeah, and besides, that Rachel girl had it coming for making fun of my true form." "Mr. Clarkson, his werewolf heritage is not a real ethnicity and I'm allergic to whatever roadkill he used to make his tail out of." "Well, she shouldn't have ditched her otherkin identity." "Quid pro quo, Tina Marie." "W-What does that even m-mean?" "Well, Th-that means that it's your turn to accept a dare, and I can think of quite a few." "But I think the most fun of all would be" "I dare you and Wheels to sign up for the new Glee Club." "Fine." "Whatever." "Who even cares?" "I sure d-don't." "(Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" begins)" "♪ This was never the way I planned ♪" "♪ Not my intention ♪" "♪ I got so brave, drink in hand ♪" "♪ Lost my discretion ♪" "♪ It's not what I'm used to ♪" "♪ Just wanna try you on ♪" "♪ I'm curious for you ♪" "♪ Caught my attention ♪" "♪ I kissed a girl and I liked it ♪" "♪ The taste of her cherry chapstick ♪" "♪ I kissed a girl just to try it ♪" "♪ I hope my boyfriend don't mind it ♪" "♪ It felt so wrong, it felt so right ♪" "♪ Don't mean I'm in love tonight ♪" "♪ I kissed a girl ♪" "♪ Just to try it ♪" "♪ I liked it. ♪" "Wow." "Th-Thanks." "See if you can top that, Wheels." "Damn, girl, you nailed it." "(Ginuwine's "Pony" begins)" " Uh, you are?" " I'm Artie Abrams, and I'll be singing "Pony" by Ginuwine." "♪ I'm just a bachelor ♪" "♪ I'm looking for a partner ♪" "♪ Someone who knows how to ride ♪" "♪ Without even falling off ♪" "♪ Gotta be compatible ♪" "♪ Takes me to my limits ♪" "♪ Ooh, girl, when I break you off ♪" "♪ I promise that you won't want to get off ♪" "♪ If you want it ♪" "♪ Let's do it ♪" "♪ Ride it, my pony ♪" "♪ My saddle's waiting ♪" "♪ Come and jump on it ♪" "♪ If you want it ♪" "♪ Let's do it ♪" "♪ Ride it, my pony ♪" "♪ My saddle's waiting ♪" "♪ Come and jump on it ♪" "♪ Yeah. ♪" "All right, Artie!" "That was... that was fun." "Thank you. (Chuckles)" " Ginuwine is a badass." " Artie, that was r-really, really good." "I had no idea." " Really?" " Seriously." "That's the best voice I have ever heard." "(school bell ringing)" "Brad." "Welcome, everybody!" "Can I just say what an awesome job you all did in your auditions." "I was..." "I was blown away." "Okay, so... grab a pair of gloves and some sheet music." ""S-S-S..." "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat"" "by the legendary Frank Loesser." "We did this at McKinley's Christmas concert my sophomore year, and we got a standing O." "Artie, why don't you take the lead." " Yes!" " Mr. Schuester." "With all due respect," "I'm the only member here who was in Mr. Ryerson's original Glee Club;" "therefore, I should be getting the first solo." "Say what?" "It's the first song; it sets the precedent for everything." "Rachel, Artie's gonna sing the first solo, period." "You and everyone else are gonna have plenty of opportunities for a solo; we'll all take turns." "In fact, I was thinking for sectionals, we would do a medley from Grease." "Who wants the Sandy part?" "Is this even a discussion right now?" "!" "I'm the only person in this room who can play Sandy!" " Why?" "Because you're white?" " RACHEL:" "Okay, I wouldn't dream of being Mrs. Saigon or black Dorothy from the Wiz, but if we want to be taken seriously as a glee club, then it can't be about color or disability or whatever." "It has to be about who has the best voice." "Exactly." "That would be me." "Let's warm up." "Brad." "(vacuum whirring)" "(vacuum stops)" "I thought you were finishing up out here?" "I-I was just taking a little break." "You just left the vacuum cleaner on so that I would think you were cleaning while you were goofing off with the sheet music." "(sighs) There is a division of labor in this house, Will." "You do the cooking and cleaning, and I will carry our children when we have them." "Which might not be anytime soon because I'm sure all this extra free work you're doing for the Glee Club is tiring you out and making your sperm stressed." "You're right." "I am stressed." "And I'm sure my sperm's stressed, too." "Mm-hmm." "The Glee Club is one day old, and there's already in-fighting." "(sighs) Which is kind of my fault, because I asked who wanted the first solo, and Rachel and Mercedes both raised their hands, and I don't want to disappoint either of them." "Just give it to whichever one is the most pathetic." "It's much harder to be jealous of someone when you think you're better than they are." "Even if they get something that you want." "I love it when you're all smart." "Oh. (Giggles)" "I'm only gonna ask you this once, and then I promise I will never bring up the Glee Club again." "Okay." "Is it worth it?" "I mean, you know I'm a little bit psychic." "I have a bad feeling about this." "How could anything bad come out of a glee club?" "Because look how distracted you are by it already." "What if you end up spending so much time with the glee kids that you start neglecting our time together?" "I don't want to become one of those ignored wives who has an affair." "You are the love of my life." "And nothing is ever gonna take you away from me." "Good." "Mr. Schuester, how's the search for our male lead going?" "I took the initiative of making a list of potential candidates" " based on their yearbook photos." " Um, thanks, Rachel." "But I was actually headed to the locker room" " to see if, uh, any of the football players signed up." " Great." "I also made a list of all the reasons why I should be getting the first solo." "I think it would make an important statement to the rest of the team if you told them right at the beginning that I'm the star." "Oh, my God." "A-Are you okay?" "(laughter)" "I told you." "Everyone hates me." "(school bell ringing)" "Everybody up!" "We're moving to the auditorium." "Alcoholics Anonymous has the auditorium." "Not anymore." "Principal Figgins believes in us so much, he's giving it to us." "For a while." "Let's go." "And grab a copy of "You're the One That I Want."" "Hold up, who gets to sing the Sandy part?" "Rachel." "Are you serious?" "I can blow the roof off that auditorium." "Her little bitty Jewish voice won't make it" " past the third row." " Racist!" "And untrue." "I can belt just as good as you, better even." "Oh, really?" "Well, let's prove it." "Let's have a sing-off right here, right now." "We're not having a sing-off!" "Although that's not a bad idea for a future exercise." "Rachel has this solo." "Like I said, you'll all take turns." "Except the white girl goes first." "The white girl always goes first." "(sobbing softly)" "Hey." "I didn't get the solo." "I lost it to that demented little Beanie Baby." "Mr. Schuester is never gonna give me a solo." "It's a waste of time;" "I'm gonna quit." "Nobody in there is gonna see me the way that I see myself." "Mercedes." "You are so young." "Glee Club just started." "Who knows what your future holds?" "Mercedes, you are a star." "But part of the responsibility that goes along with being a star is learning to share the spotlight." "Maybe she's gonna get the solos because she needs it more than you do right now." "Truth is, Mercedes, Rachel will make you better." "Her drive and ambition will help you raise your expectations of yourself, and you can use that to become great." "And I have a feeling you two are gonna become great friends." "(scoffs)" "(sniffles)" "Stars have a way of finding each other." "Okay, come here." "(school bell ringing)" "There you go, Sue." "Some principals would say that importing a rare silk trampoline mat from China is an extravagance, but not this principal." "The Cheerios!" "Are McKinley High's number one priority." "Oh, thank you so much, Principal Figgins." "I could have never led my Cheerios!" "To a record five consecutive national championships without you." "(chuckles)" "Actually, I could have done it very easily without you." "Oh, uh, and that reminds me." "I have a question for you." "Hmm?" "What exactly is going on with Will Schuester taking over the show choir?" "The Glee Club?" "Why, Sue, that's nothing but a trifling." "Well, I just want to be clear that the star performers at this high school are my Cheerios!" ", and I should hope it remains that way." "Oh, Sue, don't worry." "You are my star." "You are on Fox Sports Net." " Yes." " And besides, show choir won't last." "Will only has five students, one of them a cripple." "And children these days aren't interested in singing to each other." "They're too busy with their Friendster and Myspace and Blockbuster Video." "These are things that are here to stay." "Well, I don't know." "I have a bad feeling about this Glee Club." "(school bell ringing)" "(cheering)" "Come on, go!" "Okay, come on." "Traveling." "Hey!" "Hey, you know, because we're best friends," "I want to ask you something frankly." "Sure." "Wait, I-I'm your best friend?" "I-I know nothing about you." "We hardly even talk." "We just play basketball once a week." "Yeah, like I said, best friends." "(sighs)" "What are your..." "Thank you." "What are your intentions with this Glee Club?" "Intentions?" "I don't know." "I guess we'll have to find out." "I don't know, I just..." "I look around this school, I see all these kids who don't have the arts in their lives, and I want them to have what I had..." "A place where they can go to experience the joy of music." "Yeah, well, they already have that, William." "It's called the iPod." "I don't know, being a part of Glee Club was the best thing that ever happened to me." "Now you're a high school Spanish teacher." "(laughs)" "Will, the students at this school aren't going to become performers." "They're not gonna become professional singers or dancers or actors." "They'll be fry cooks and auto mechanics." "And it's really unfair of you to suggest anything otherwise." "Fostering unrealistic dreams in these kids will accomplish absolutely nothing but to make their lives that much more dark and depressing." "I'm sorry, Sue." "I just disagree." "I mean, the arts are important." "Certainly more important than cheerleading." "(quietly):" "How dare you." "And I think, with a little hard work, this Glee Club could really accomplish something." "I got Finn Hudson to sign up, and he's the captain of the football team, so... who knows what our future could hold?" "I'm gonna give you an ultimatum, William." "You either drop this Glee Club, or you and I will cease to be friends." "(chuckles):" "What?" "Are you serious?" "You do not want to make an enemy out of Sue Sylvester." "You don't want to do that." "Sorry, Sue." "No deal." "♪ ♪" "The sun is not the biggest nor the brightest star in the sky." "It's just the closest." "There are bigger, brighter, better stars." "That's what I am." "I will be the biggest star of them all." "Myspace is pretty much the greatest invention ever." "It democratizes performance and lets anyone express themself to a wide audience from the comfort of their own home." "That's why I invested all of my Bat Mitzvah money in the company." "Unfortunately, the Internet has also created the democratization of criticism." "Now people can anonymously say things to me that they would never have the guts to say to my face." "I am proud to say that I have grown numb to the cruelty, but none of it is going to happen if there's no Glee Club." "Rumor has it that Mr. Shue's horrible wife told him last night that she's with child." "Time's are tough, and he's probably gonna leave us for a high-paying job." "That's the inciting incident." "Glee Club is the cosmic explosion that will propel the hot balloon of light and gas that is my stardom towards Earth..." "Specifically Midtown..." "And without Will Schuester, there's no Glee Club." "There's no convincing him to change." "If I want him to give up on this stupid accounting thing," "I have to go talk directly to his boss." "(schoolbellringing)" "I am very aware that it is the job off the assistant manager to stock the novelty sheets, Howard, but I am pregnant, and my doctor says I need to take it easy." " Are you on bed rest?" " Oh, not officially, but I'm sure I will be soon enough." "And even sooner, if you keep stressing me out by complaining that you can't do my job right now." "No, no, no, I-I'm sorry." "I'll-I'll just give up sleeping for a while to get it all done." "(sighs)" "Mrs. Schuester, I'm Rachel Berry." "I'm one of your husband's students," "Glee Club specifically." " I'm working." " First of all," "I just wanted to congratulate you on your new addition." "I can tell that you already have the pregnancy glow." "Oh." "Thank you." "Second of all, I just wanted to ask you to reconsider guilting your husband into quitting his job and becoming an accountant." "Here's what I've learned in the years since I left high school." "There's who you are, and there's who you think you are." "And your level of personal misery is determined by how big the gap is between them." "It's my job as a wife to help my husband see who he really is, rather than going after who he thinks he ought to be." "That's how I keep him happy." "But isn't the point of life to imagine yourself doing something greater, then working hard to achieve all of your dreams?" "Yes, if it's realistic." "See, I want a bigger house, and I want to decorate it with the entire catalog from Pottery Barn, and I can have those things." "But not if I'm gonna let Will ruin it by chasing after a dream that doesn't change our lives in any measurable way." "Oh, but he would be helping..." "Mainly me..." "To achieve my full potential." "That's not gonna help Mama buy personalized." "Mr. and Mrs. throw pillows from the monogram shop." "Do not put the plush blankets with the novelty sheets!" "You're stressing out my baby." "Mrs. Schuester," "I am begging you to reconsider." "Mr. Schuester listens to you." "Yes, because he's my husband." "And it is my job to bring structure to our family, and his job to do as I say." "I always wanted to be in an all-male a Capella group." "I guess my dream is dead, too." "First the almighty Finn Hudson joins Glee Club, and everyone rejoices like he's baby Jesus." "Then he quits, then he rejoins, then he immediately starts bossing us around like we're his slaves, and we're supposed to be happy about that?" "We need him though, Kurt." "Why?" "Because he's popular?" "No, he's not only popular." "He's at the top of the damn McKinley High food chain." "But I don't know..." "Maybe he needs us, too." "Oh, yeah, sure." "The guy with the perfect life needs to hang out with the damaged goods." "Who you calling "damaged goods"?" "No one!" "I'm just saying that I don't trust him." "I mean, he already gets everything that he wants." "What is he doing barging into our club and taking it over?" "Mark my words, he's gonna get some jocks and some Cheerios!" "To join him, and then we are gonna get pushed out." "Oh, no." "Nobody pushes out Mercedes Jones." "Or Kurt Hummel." "I will not allow it." "No, sir." "You know, now that I think about it, he was pretty bossy today." "I cannot believe he convinced me to make our costumes." "Oh, by the way, if you need help with that," "I'm more than happy to pitch in." "You can't go wrong with red and denim." "How did you become so smart and adorable?" "(both laugh)" "Oh." "Baby, can you hand me some sugar?" "Oh." "Sure." "Thanks!" "You're the only openly gay person I know." "That is so brave of you." "Well, coming out was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." "But I'm telling you it feels so nice to not be living a lie anymore." "So what about you, Joby?" "Are you thinking about coming out anytime soon?" "What?" "I-I'm not gay." "I'm straight as an arrow." "I'm attracted to women." "Obviously, of course." "Um, I-I had no idea, I..." "I mean, it's obvious that Rachel's only letting him stay in the club because she has a fat crush on him." "KURT:" "So do you." "No, I don't." "Oh, get real, you do, too." "Yeah, maybe you're right." "Maybe having Finn Hudson around is a mistake." "I'm gonna call an emergency meeting." "And another thing... he wants us to do "Don't Stop Believin'."" "Our audience is gonna think we're doing a salute to The Sopranos finale." " You guys started without me?" " Uh, hell yeah, Berry." " You're, like, ten minutes late." " You're lucky that I came at all and I don't think that we should be having emergency meetings without all of our members, including Finn." "That's what this is about." "Okay, we're having second thoughts about him." "For the record, not all of us are." "Okay, we can't kick him out." "I just personally persuaded him to come back." "Them personally persuade him to quit." "It shouldn't be that difficult." "He's already quit once before." "Look, it's obvious that Artie and I don't fit your idea of a proper leading man." "And honestly I don't care, but he shouldn't be an evil jock." "I don't think that Finn Hudson is evil." "Now, his girlfriend, Quinn Fabray?" "She's a grade-A bitch." "Hey, all I know is that when the jocks locked me in that nasty Porta-Potty," "Finn Hudson rescued me." "Then, after rehearsal, he wheeled me home." "He wheeled me all the way home, and he told my mom what happened and he apologized to her." "So, he's not evil." "Not by a long shot." "He's never called me fat." "I mean, that's better than most of the jerks at this school." "I guess when I got tossed into the Dumpster, he let me take off my Marc Jacobs jacket." "That was kind of nice." "He is awfully c-cute." "Maybe he's not that different than us." "Maybe he just wants to be accepted for who he is and not for what people label him as." "And if we start excluding people, then we're no different than the people who exclude us." "So far, my time at McKinley has sucked." "But... not this week." "I made some friends." "And that's always been really hard for me." "I don't know what's gonna happen with this club, but... maybe it'll be something special." "Maybe it'll be somewhere safe where we can... learn from each other and be who we are, including people who are different than us." "When we look back on our time here, we should be proud." "For what we did and-and who we included." "All in favor of keeping Finn in the Glee Club?" "Aye." "Aye." "Aye." "Aye." "Aye." "For the last time, my hands are tied." "I can't offer Will Schuester a raise to run a club that no one cares about and has only six members!" "Fine, then we're gonna lose Will Schuester, and it's gonna be under your leadership that McKinley High becomes the most recent in a very long line of public schools that offer no performing arts whatsoever!" "And that's a fact that wounds me deeply, neurotic, adorable Guidance Counselor Emma Pillsbury." "I can't offer Will Schuester more money, but I can offer him something better." "A precious adolescent memory." "I scoured McKinley's archives and found this footage of the 1993 National Show Choir Championship featuring a young, nubile William Schuester." "♪ Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno ♪" "♪ Burn that disco down ♪" "♪ Burn it down ♪" "♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪" "♪ We're gonna burn it ♪" "♪ Burn it. ♪" "(song ends, crowd cheering)" "Congratulations, buddy." "I just heard the great news." "Oh, thanks." "Yeah." "Terri and I are really excited." "We've been talking about kids for a while." "No, not that news." "Knocking somebody up isn't difficult and hardly merits a congratulations." "No, I'm talking about your other news, your leaving the profession of teaching." "Oh, uh..." "You know, to be honest with you, teaching is for losers." "Nope, accounting is the career for you." "Oh, hey," " I got you a going away present." " An abacus." "Yeah, the Orientals say it's easier than a calculator, which is an obvious lie designed to make us feel inferior." "Oh, and here's five years worth of receipts in no particular order." "You'll be happy to know that your first ever client is way behind on her taxes." "And there's an awful lot of bikini waxes in there you're gonna have to somehow turn into charitable contributions." "(a cappella "Don't Stop Believin'" intro begins)" "(sighs)" "(a cappella continues)" "♪ Just a small-town girl ♪" "♪ Living in a lonely world ♪" "♪ She took the midnight train ♪" "♪ Going anywhere ♪" "♪ Just a city boy ♪" "♪ Born and raised in South Detroit ♪" "♪ He took the midnight train ♪" "♪ Going anywhere ♪" "(rapid electric guitar riff playing)" "♪ Da, dum ♪" "♪ A singer in a smoky room ♪" "♪ A smell of wine and cheap perfume ♪" "♪ For a smile, they can share the night ♪" "♪ It goes on ♪" "♪ And on and on and on ♪" "♪ Strangers waiting ♪" "♪ Da, dum ♪" "♪ Up and down the boulevard ♪" "♪ Their shadows searching ♪" "♪ In the night ♪" "♪ Da, dum ♪" "♪ Streetlight people ♪" "♪ Da, dum ♪" "♪ Living just to find emotion ♪" "♪ Hiding somewhere ♪" "♪ In the night... ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ Working hard to get my fill ♪" "♪ Everybody wants a thrill ♪" "♪ Paying anything to roll the dice ♪" "♪ Just one more time ♪" "♪ Some will win, some will lose ♪" "♪ Some were born to sing the blues ♪" "♪ Oh, the movie never ends ♪" "♪ It goes on and on ♪" "♪ And on and on ♪" "(electric guitar solo playing)" "♪ Don't stop believin' ♪" "♪ Hold on to that feeling ♪" "♪ Streetlight people ♪" "♪ Oh... ♪" "♪ Don't stop believin' ♪" "♪ Hold on to that feeling ♪" "♪ Streetlight people ♪" "♪ Oh... don't stop. ♪"