"(Narrator) There is a nation called Molossia" "A micronation, to be precise." "Located just outside of Reno, in Dayton Nevada." "It is a small spec of land... 1.3 acres to be exact" "But through a strange loophole, it is technically considered... a nation." "It is run by a man named Kevin Baugh, who has declared himself the proud president of this land." "He has been called one Curly short of the Three Stooges, but he does manage to keep order in his humble country" "For the most part Molassia is a quiet, simple, gentle land, that is yet to subject itself to any intense, hostile violence." "That... is where the Nostalgia Critic comes in." "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic, online personality, and all around spectacular guy." "I'm fine." "Anyway I run a website that has all sorts of reviewers that come together and, well, review stuff." "I don't like to brag, but, we're pretty successful." "I noticed that you er, have your own nation here." "Must be very proud." "But to be fair, um..." "It is not very big and you're not very big." "So." "Let's just cut to the chase here." "I am going to... invade you." "My army is going to take you down, conquer Molossia, and take it as our own." "Now, don't get any bright ideas." "Don't try to fight back or anything like that." "My army is quite literally unstoppable, undefeatable, and of course, invincible." "Where, you are... what?" "Just you?" "(laughs)" "So, I'll give you uh... ten minutes to pack things up and piss off." "Deal?" "Why is it that they always want to do it the hard way?" "Ahhhh..." "Molossia..." "Hello?" "It's time." "Hello?" "It's time." "Hello!" "It's time." "Hello?" "It's time." "Yeeelloo?" "It's time." "It's time." "(phone ring)" "Hello?" "Uhhh, Yeah... what does "It's time' mean?" "What?" "I don't know, you just called me up and said, (mockingly) ' It's time!" like I'm supposed to know what that means." "Get on the wagon, Phelous!" "It's the takeover of Molossia!" "The takeover of what?" "Ah h... hold on, got a call on the other line." "Hello?" "Hey... yeah, what's this ' It's time" thing you're talking about?" "Don't you know?" "!" "No." "Ah Look, it doesn't matter, just meet me in Molossia." "Where?" "I Ah, hold on, I got another call. (changes call) Hello?" "Yeah, it's uh... 3:22 p.m." "What?" "I thought you were asking what time it was." "No no..." "I'm telling you it IS time!" "Yeah, and that time is 3:22p.m." "No no" " Urrrgh!" "I've got another call." "Hold on. (switching calls) Hello?" "I'm behind you 110% Critic!" "Any Chick-Fil-A refusing to serve us delicious nuggets on Sundays from here on out will be blown sky high!" "(manic cackling)" "Wait a minute, what are you talking about?" "Wait a minute, what are you talking about?" "The invasion of Molossia!" "What is Molossia?" "I (sigh) Hold on, I'll get back to ya. (switches calls) Hello?" "Uhhh, yeah, I got 3:24 here, but I think Spoony's watch is more accurate." "Oh, uh... hold on a minute. (switches calls) Hello?" "Me again." "Sorry. (switches calls) Hello?" "Hi!" "Still running on "confused' here." "Look, it's hard to explain, just meet me in Molossia!" "It's in Nevada." "(Sarcastically):" "Ok, I'll just uh, walk over to Nevada." "(angry) I'll fly you there." "When?" "(frustrated) I don't know!" "I can barely keep track of who I'm talking to!" "Oh, that reminds me, I gotta call Sean." "Who?" "The Epic Fail Guy!" "Oh, yeah." "He's funny!" "Yes. (switches calls) Hello!" "3:23 p.m.!" "Go away. (switches calls) Hey Cinema Snob?" "Guilty as charged." "Any chance you have Sean's number?" "Your mom has Sean's number." "Shut up... (singing message) Believe it or not, Sean isn't at home." "Leave a message at the beep..." "Uh figures!" "Let me see if Goggles in on board." "(voiceover):" "Hello, That Chick with the Goggles!" "Goggles!" "..." "It's time." "(voiceover) It is?" "Yes." "We are taking over Molossia!" "(voiceover) We're taking over Molossia?" "I know right, so get your stuff together and come down to " "(voiceover) Oh by the way, this has been an answering machine the whole time." "Leave your message after the beep. (beep)" "Hello?" "Little Miss Gamer?" "I need you help." "We are taking over Molossia!" "Oh... yeah, ya know I'd love to Critic, but I'm..." "I'm a little busy right now!" "Huh?" "Doing what?" "Uhh, yeah, I kinda got sucked into my Nintendo game." "Freak accident." "Now I have to defeat the Mother Brain, restore order to the kingdom, and Link's been acting kinda like a jerk." "(link) Well, excuuuuse... (sighing):" "Hold on, another call." "(switches calls) Hello?" "3:24 p.m.!" "Ok, look, I'm putting EVERYBODY on speakerphone." "Can you hear me?" "!" "Yes!" "Yes." "Yes." "No." "...I mean yes." "Look, we're taking over the land of Molossia." "I'm flying you all out to Nevada so we can prepare for the invasion!" "And where we all gonna stay?" "And where we all gonna stay?" "It's ok." "I booked everybody a hotel room." "(sarcastically) Well, gee, I didn't see that one coming." "Oh boy!" "I'm excited!" "Are you excited?" "!" "I'm excited!" "Excited!" "I cannot believe he dragged us all out here..." "Tell me about it!" "I've got American food I could be puking up right now!" "Hey, you look familiar, aren't you that "doctor" guy?" "What!" "No... no..." "I mean I don't know what you're talking about." "Yeah yeah yeah!" "You're always trying to..." "take over the world and stuff." "NO!" "I mean I swear I don't know" "No no no no... you got the goggles and the" "(shouting) NO!" "I mean... okay, that was before but..." "That was the past." "Ok, I'm gonna ignore you now." "So you're a picture, huh?" "...(sighs)" "Alright alright alright alright alright alright alright..." "ALRIGHT!" "Is everybody here?" "We sure as hell hope so." "We can't fit any more people in this room." "My god!" "Where's 8-bit Mickey!" "I think you're sitting on him, dude." "(Mickey) That's ok." "I didn't want to stand anyway." "Alright people!" "We are about to do the ballsiest thing any of us have ever done before." "We are going to take over the land... of Molossia!" "Why?" "!" "What?" "Why are we taking over Molossia?" "I mean, isn't it... barely an acre of land?" "Heh." "MarzGurl, do you think anyone else here honestly has that questi" "(everyone) WHY?" "!" "Ok!" "Ok!" "Fact is that it's our one opportunity to finally seize control of something." "I mean... haven't you ever wanted to rule your own nation?" "Does SimCity count?" "This is our chance to finally have power!" "To create an empire unlike any other!" "But it's only an acre of land!" "What can we do with an acre of land?" "!" "What CAN'T we do with an acre of land?" "!" "Whoa..." "People." "What may start as just a small acre of land, will blossom into something larger than any of us can possibly imagine!" "(mockingly) Yeah, like two acres of land!" "(Everyone chuckles softly)" "You know, there's another group of people that thought like you, Linkara." "There were called NAZIS!" "They were close-minded, hate filled people who just wanted everything their way." "(shouting) Are you a Nazi, Linkara?" "!" "No." "(even louder) Are you a Nazi, Linkara?" "!" "No!" "Cause I don't want any Nazis around here!" "(shouting) No!" "I'm not a Nazi!" "I'm not!" "I'm not!" "I'm not a Nazi!" "Good." "Now let me tell you about a group of people that didn't give up." "They were called Nazis!" "They had a crazy plan, too." "Everybody thought they were nuts." "But you know what?" "They got pretty far, didn't they?" "Cause they were dedicated." "(everyone) Yeah!" "And strong!" "(everyone) Yeah!" "A lot of people said they were crazy." "(everyone) Ehhhh." "Well everybody says that we're crazy, so that gives us a better advantage, doesn't it?" "YEAH!" "Think about it..." "First we take Molossia, and then... the neighbors down the street." "And then their neighbors, and then their neighbors, and then their neighbors!" "Until we build a military force so gigantic that nobody would be able to stop us!" "And then we go global!" "First we start with Texas." "Then Canada." "Then France!" "And then whatever other nation stands in our way!" "And then..." "Pudding?" "THE WORLD!" "(everyone) YEAH!" "And don't you let anyone tell you that you can't do it." "So what are you people?" "A Nazi?" "(everyone) Ehhhh." "OR NAZIS!" "(Everyone cheers wildly)" "Yay!" "By the way... as the obvious future president of this great nation, I am going to need a vice president to be by my side." "You're the only one who can keep the Nostalgia name alive ...mostly because it's IN your name." "Interested?" "Well, I dunno, I was kinda holding out for... president?" "Well, that's all the vice president does." "Oh." "Ok, then." "Cool." "Alright everybody!" "What are we waiting for?" "Let's go kick some Molossia!" "(cheering)" "And 8-bit Mickey!" "So." "This Nostalgia Critic guy says he might be invading our nation." "What do you think?" "I say we keep our defenses high, but not worry too much about it." "Good." "We're gonna annihilate them, aren't we?" "We're going to annihilate them!" "Yes Film Brain, but save your energy." "You're going to need for all the pointless torturing we're gonna be doing." "(Mickey) He seems much smaller in person." "(Tom) Thats because you're far away from him, jackass." "(Nostalgia Critic) Well, he's about to get a lot closer." "CHARGE!" "(screaming)" "(cowardly screaming)" "Well, THAT didn't work." "Didn't you have any other strategy outside of going, 'Aaaaaaahhhhh!" "'" "Well, I didn't think that far ahead." "No, you just thought up to where everyone was in charge, and you were ruling the fucking world." "Yes." "You can't just do that, Critic." "You have to plan these things out." "You have to have a strategy for god's sake!" "Yeah, but that takes hard work." "Hard work that we do not have!" "I declare this... ' sucking'." "Me, too." "I'm outta here." "(everyone) Yeah... (MarzGurl) This is balls." "WAIT!" "Do you dare leave now in your moment of victory?" "!" "I would never leave you, Critic!" "I know that, Film Brain." "We just need a plan!" "How about be gut them open and wear their organs as hairnets!" "Nah, we'd have to get close to them first." "A w w" "How about I launch Beary over, like a kamikaze bear?" "Nah, I think they'd see that coming." "Oh." "How about a legion of SPY-DERS?" "They're quite small and fit into most overhead compartments." "NO!" "How'd you get in here anyway?" "!" "...I just want to be loved." "GET OUT!" "Hooo." "How about we use Tom's head as a battering ram?" "Hey!" "Nah, his head is too soft." "Hey!" "Maybe we can jump on him and use his turtle shell to get extra points!" "That's your answer to everything!" "Well it would work if you gave it a shot!" "Hey guys, uh, I got an idea. (sarcastic) This might seem like a shot in the dark but what if we just used weapons?" "Nah, nah, that's a terrible idea." "WAIT!" "I have an idea!" "(sarcastically) Gee, does it involve using weapo" "It involves using weapons!" "Yeah." "Angry Joe, get your MP5s!" "Linkara, get your magic gun!" "Benzaie, start wrapping Beary in explosives!" "By god, we'll give 'em a battle worth fighting for!" "By god, we'll give 'em a battle worth fighting for!" "And this time... there will be no dawn... for Molossia." "Is everyone preparing for battle?" "They are, Spoony." "Good." "You know, Spoony, you would really help the team out if you were to... well... you know." "Summon him?" "It would be just this once, Spoony." "Just this once and you can go back to normal." "NORMAL?" "!" "There's no normal." "I don't even know what normal is any more." "Every day I live with the beast raging inside of me." "All you need to do is set him free and then once you have him under control" "CONTROL?" "!" "There is no control!" "There is only ANARCHY!" "Chaos!" "And the world writhing in pain!" "But, if you would only try!" "TRY?" "!" "There is no try!" "There is only the darkness!" "Give in, Spoony." "Give in for me." "And the team." "And for me!" "I left the madness behind me a long time ago." "You'll find none of it left here!" "Sometimes we all need to give in to the madness." "Huh." "Just a heads up, guys." "Molossia might be under attack in a couple minutes or so." "Mmmhmmm..." "LordKat!" "Make ready the new salute for our nation!" "(everyone) Whoo!" "Whoooo!" "(NC) Alright people, this is the moment you've been waiting for!" "Bravery will be rewarded!" "Destinies will be revealed!" "And the honor of a new nation will be born!" "A nation which I will declare" "KICKASSIA!" "(Cheer)" "Wolverines!" "Symbolism!" "Phallus, send the signal to sound the charge!" "Okay." "First of all, it's "Phelous" not ' Phallus"." "Second, the guy's standing right there looking at you." "Why don't you send the signal yourself?" "(chuckles) Phallus..." "Just do it." "(fake kazoo sounds)" "For all of Kickassia..." "CHARGE!" "(screaming)" "MARZGURL!" "NO!" "MarzGurl!" "You were so young and blue haired!" "Damn you, Molossia!" "Damn you to hell!" "I..." "I'm fine." "Oh!" "God, MarzGurl!" "You're dead." "No!" "You want me to tell you about Disneyland?" "No, seriously." "I'm ok" "There's cotton candy on the trees!" "You can just climb up and get one if you want!" "Look, I don't know who you seem to think you are." "I mean I'm really" "Take comfort in my masculine arms!" "(MarzGurl) (muffled) You're an idiot!" "Remember, pain is just God's way of telling you to try harder!" "Easy boy, easy!" "Let's go!" "Raaaah!" "Long live Kickassia!" "Okay." "I'm going." "FENCE!" "It's no use!" "The bullets are just going through the holes!" "LADDERS!" "FOOTSTOOLS!" "OUICKLY!" "To the Molossia railroad!" "(scream)" "It's just a toy train!" "(crying)" "This is it, Beary!" "At least you're dying for a good cause!" "It was an honor to serve you, mon ami!" "(Beary) Ow." "DESTROY HIM!" "(human light saber sound)" "Huh?" "Hey!" "Cock!" "GAH!" "GAH!" "Don't get me angry!" "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!" "RAAWAHHHH!" "AHHHHHHH!" "WOAH!" "It's 3D LEE!" "H-Hey!" "3D Lee is pretty awesome!" "Don't make us review you!" "Follow him?" "!" "Ahhh!" "Alright, President Baugh." "Hand over Molossia and nobody gets hurt." "I'm not the president." "I'm Fritz von Baugh, Minister of Making Things Orderly." "But, it's so obviously you." "Yes, I get that a lot." "But, the fact is we're two totally different people." "Okay, well, where is the ' president"?" "Oh." "He's gone." "Flew right out the door." "So..." "You mean we won?" "It looks that way." "Yes." "(cheers)" "Molossia has been conquered!" "A new dawn of government is upon us!" "HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!" "Mmmhmmm..." "My friends, this is indeed a great day." "We have given birth to a new nation!" "(YEAH!" ")" "And there will be government." "Rules." "And a new democracy to live by!" "Why a democracy?" "Because I say so." "And I will be your president!" "(YAY!" ")" "Nostalgia Chick will be vice president!" "(YAY!" ")" "And the rest we'll figure out at another time!" "Another time!" "(YAY!" ")" "And as my first order as your president." "I shall build a table." "A round table so that everyone can look at each other in the eye." "That's a good idea." "It's like everyone's equal." "Yes!" "And I shall be elevated above you in a rocket chair!" "A magnificent rocket chair so I can look down on all of you and see just how equal we all are!" "...Yay...?" "Make yourselves comfortable, everybody, for we have given birth to the greatest nation ever known!" "We have given birth TO KICKASSIA!" "(Everyone cheers)" "(Chris Larios voicover) Dateline Kickassia!" "Year one of the new Critic Imperium." "Confidence is high as this new and proud nation works long and hard to establish its new government." "I'm Chris Larios for Transmission Awesome news." "Here today in the nation formally known as Molossia but now as of recent known as Kickassia." "Though it is not easy to establish a government from the ground up," "Kickassia is fortunate to have hard working individuals making their regime stable." "And here's one of them now." "LordKat, recently appointed Minister ofTrade." "And here's one of them now." "LordKat, recently appointed Minister ofTrade." "Tell me, new Minister, what does your new job exactly entail?" "I have a lot of video games I can trade." "From NES Some Super Nintendo to Sega Genesis and we're hoping we can trade them to other nations, for goods and valuables." "Do you really think other nations will trade goods and valuables just for video games?" "Oh, sure." "China would sell twenty percent of its military just for a copy of Marble Madness." "I guess it's pretty rare down there." "I guess it's pretty rare down there." "However, military forces aren't a major concern in Kickassia, Secretary of Defense Angry Joe assures the public that everything is well protected." "It's true that we're a small nation and are therefore more prone to attacks." "It's true that we're a small nation and are therefore more prone to attacks." "But, we have a good Drill Sargent who knows how to keep up the men's morale." "(MarzGurl) Stand up straight!" "(MarzGurl) Tuck in your Shirt!" "Stop being so tall!" "Did you say something?" "Oh, God." "No." "I'm deathly afraid of you!" "Looks like a solid team you've got there." "Yes, indeed." "Now there have been a few reports that you're in fact a little... gun crazy." "WHO SAID THAT?" "!" "But, an invasion seems unlikely thanks to good relations kept by the Head of Immigration, Benzaie." "What do you mean you can't understand me?" "I'm French." "That's the language of love!" "If you can't understand me, then you can't understand love!" "Hold on, let me tranfer you to my second in command." "Hey!" "You think you got it rough?" "!" "I had time bombs tied to my body and was blown into two separate pieces." "Hey!" "You think you got it rough?" "!" "I had time bombs tied to my body and was blown into two separate pieces." "There's not enough stitches in the world to recover the emotional pain I'm going through." "Prick." "Every nation needs a treasurer and Kickassia has The Cinema Snob, who I understand also designed the flag for Kickassia." "True?" "Every nation needs a treasurer and Kickassia has The Cinema Snob, who I understand also designed the flag for Kickassia." "True?" "It is, Chris." "And for a nation like Kickassia, I figured that we really needed a real kick-ass flag." "That's why I came up with a musclebound iced cream cone carrying machine guns and shooting laser beams out his eyes." "That's why I came up with a musclebound iced cream cone carrying machine guns and shooting laser beams out his eyes." "Because when people look at that, all they can say is ' KICK ASS'." "Well, it looks like you guys don't have a flagpole yet." "Well, we weren't exactly sure how to get their flag down and ours up." "So, we're just using Handsome Tom as our flagpole." "(Chris) I must say." "He doesn't look very happy." "(Brad) He's not, Chris." "He's definitely not." "(Chris) *chuckles**" "Hooo!" "Hoooooo!" "And there's also the concern of preserving nature." "But, no worries, as Lee from Still Gaming has taken over as head of the Environmental Protection Agency." "And there's also the concern of preserving nature." "But, no worries, as Lee from Still Gaming has taken over as head of the Environmental Protection Agency." "Tell me, Lee, what is your plan for saving all the cute little bunnies?" "I'm sorry." "I'm just still getting over the fact that I'm three dimensional." "I mean..." "I can move with fluid motion!" "I can touch." "I can feel." "Is this is what I've been missing all this time?" "And there are others looking out for the well-being of Kickassia." "You feel beautiful!" "Take Sage for example." "He is making sure everyone is in good shape acting as Kickassia's Surgeon General." "In my short time as Surgeon General here in Kickassia, I've made two amazing medical discoveries." "One:" "When holding an uzi, you will not die." "One:" "When holding an uzi, you will not die." "Really?" "And How does that work exactly?" "I'm holding one and I'm alive." "Science proven." "Secondly, our research has shown that dieting and exercise does NOT help build a healthy body." "So, that's why I have encouraged everyone here to start smoking." "(Sage) According to our studies, smoking does well to strengthen the body and prevent cancer," "(Sage) Especially pregnant women." "(Sage) Especially pregnant women." "(intense coughing)" "Your studies show that?" "Oh yes." "Right here on this chart?" "Hmm." "Heh." "What do ya know?" "I had this darn thing upside down. (chuckles)" "Oh." "That's hilarious." "(Chris) But, not everyone in Kickassia is questionably insane." "Take for example, Paw, the local shockjock radio DJ." "(Chris) But, not everyone in Kickassia is questionably insane." "Take for example, Paw, the local shockjock radio DJ." "(Paw) And while the bigwigs are up on the hill with their fancy hats and their capes, look down at the small people, with oppression, with taxation... with sexual repression, don't even get me started on the sexual repression!" "Take a stand people!" "Oppose the big people with the fancy fucking hats!" "So, what exactly about the Kickassian government bothers you so?" "Well, nothing really." "It's just that people agree with angry hosts on the radio, it makes them feel better about themselves." "Well, nothing really." "It's just that people agree with angry hosts on the radio, it makes them feel better about themselves." "So, in my own way." "I'm helping the people's morale." "(Chris) Another person keeping up the morale is Spoony who is now head officer for science and technology." "Yeah, at first we didn't have much in the science department." "In fact, the original space program was just a stomp rocket." "But, I'm certain we can get things to a more legitimate level." "But, I'm certain we can get things to a more legitimate level." "Hey!" "Weren't you that crazy scientist before?" "Uh..." "I..." "I..." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Yeah." "You wore the goggles." "Th" "NOOOOO!" "I mean..." "I was before, but, ...that was the past." "Well there is someone in this nation that still does well to keep order and justice in hand." "This is Linkara." "Head of the FBI." "Tell me, Linkara, what are you going to do to keep this nation safe?" "This is Linkara." "Head of the FBI." "Tell me, Linkara, what are you going to do to keep this nation safe?" "This is Linkara." "Head of the FBI." "Tell me, Linkara, what are you going to do to keep this nation safe?" "Well, it's all about surprise to fool our enemy." "We are trying to find those who are best able to blend into their environments." "For example, We have discovered that JewWario here has a natural talent for camouflage." "Isn't that right, JewWario?" "(JewWario) Yup." "But, do you really think stealth and surprise are going to be enough to keep your enemies on their toes?" "But, do you really think stealth and surprise are going to be enough to keep your enemies on their toes?" "Oh, yes." "It's all about illusion." "For example, I'm not even in front of you." "Oh!" "Very good." "Well, we all know what goes on outside the government building." "Let's see what goes on inside the government building." "(JewWario) OW!" "Sorry." "Sorry." "This is Secretary of State Phelous." "Tell me, Phelous, what does a normal day entail for you?" "Well, mostly I come up with brilliant ideas and The Nostalgia Critic then slaps me and claims them as his own." "Well, mostly I come up with brilliant ideas and The Nostalgia Critic then slaps me and claims them as his own." "Does that pay well?" "No." "But, it sure does hurt a lot." "But behind every great man is a woman." "And presumably behind her another man." "But in the case of the Nostalgia Chick, that is not so." "But behind every great man is a woman." "And presumably behind her another man." "But in the case of the Nostalgia Chick, that is not so." "Well, he is a maverick to say the least." "No matter what his decision might be, and whatever we disagree on." "I still stand right by him." "Well, he is a maverick to say the least." "No matter what his decision might be, and whatever we disagree on." "I still stand right by him." "On what issues do you disagree with?" "Well, like our foreign policy experience with Nevada." "You." "You have had foreign policy experience with Nevada?" "You betcha." "In what way?" "Well, if you look right outside." "Nevada is right out there." "You can see it from here." "Indeed." "And where do you guys get your information on current events?" "Do you read the papers or" "Indeed." "And where do you guys get your information on current events?" "Do you read the papers or" "Yes, l-that's it." "I read the papers." "Which ones?" "All of them ish" "Well, there's also talk that Nostalgia Critic wants to push for more regulation and you want less." "In which way does he want more that you haven't agreed with?" "Oh (hesitant) You know." "Actually, no." "I don't." "Well, when I find an answer, I'll get right back to ya." "Well, when I find an answer, I'll get right back to ya." "And finally, in the past you have been known as a smart, edgy, opinionated woman." "But, recently you've been labeled an idiotic, dumb Ox, that is playing naive and innocent in order to sneak into the president seat." "What's your opinion on that?" "This world is filled with cruel, cold-hearted people." "They don't maintain the same standard of niceness that I try to maintain." "Am I not nice?" "This world is filled with cruel, cold-hearted people." "They don't maintain the same standard of niceness that I try to maintain." "Am I not nice?" "Yes, you are very nice." "So, why would they say such a thing?" "Probably the idiotic, dumb Ox part I just mentioned." "I would presume that it's because I'm a woman." "And prejudice is alive and well in this world." "But, MarzGurl is a woman." "(snickers) Sure she is and I'm the tooth fairy." "And now for the moment you've all been waiting for!" "An interview with the man himself!" "The man who made Kickassia possible!" "President Nostalgia Critic!" "GREETINGS, Chris!" "Mr. Critic, what are your plans now for this new, glorious nation?" "Well, first, we plan on taking over the neighbors down the street." "We've sent them pamphlets." "Then, we plan on taking over Nevada." "America." "And then the world." "Ah." "And how do you plan on accomplishing this exactly?" "A gentleman never tells." "But, I can give you a hint!" "A gentleman never tells." "But, I can give you a hint!" "It involves killing" "Indeed." "But Mr Critic, what about the fact that you keep the old president of this country alive and working for you?" "(NC) Oh." "Ho." "That's not the president!" "That's Fritz von Baugh," "Minister of Keeping Things Orderly." "I don't know." "I'm just going with it." "Well, thank you very much for your time, Mr. Critic." "Well, thank you very much for your time, Mr. Critic." "Not at all, Chris." "OH!" "And one more thing!" "Mr. Critic, would you say your diabolical plan is to take over the world?" "NATURALLY!" "Well, then would you say your plan is to one day conquer the galaxy?" "EVENTUALLY!" "OH!" "Mr. Critic, do you plan on some day being bigger than God?" "OH!" "Mr. Critic, do you plan on some day being bigger than God?" "Of that question you can definitely say yes." "Say, Critic, do you get a lot of pussy with that outfit?" "OF COURSE!" "Thank You" "This has been Chris Larios reporting from Kickassia." "(Cinema Snob) I gotta say Critic, our financial situation isn't looking good." "(Cinema Snob) I gotta say Critic, our financial situation isn't looking good." "Of the money we have left, it doesn't look like we're going to be able to accomplish nearly what we had in mind." "Ouiet!" "Can't you see I am watching Hogan's Heroes?" "But, Critic, this is important stuff." "We" "SILENCE!" "I have a new rule!" "Every day at four o'clock PM shall be Hogan's Heroes time and everyone shuts up and watches Hogan's Heroes." "All those in favor say AYE!" "AYE!" "Motion passes." "Go away." "Fine." "But, don't come to me when..." "You know what?" "Just don't come to me." "Fine." "But, don't come to me when..." "You know what?" "Just don't come to me." "(Phelous) Excuse me, Critic." "I couldn't help but overhear you're having trouble with our financial situation." "Is this Hogan's Heroes related?" "I just thought it would be a good idea to start charging for tourism." "You know, T-shirts, postcards, and such." "Nah, that's stupid." "Oh, okay then." "Wait!" "I have an idea!" "(sarcastic tone) What could that be?" "To increase our financial status, we shall charge for tourism." "T-shirts, postcards." "Think of it, Phelous." "I already have." "Then make it so." "I have spoken." "Why do you let him take your ideas like that?" "I don't know, because he's the president and stuff." "Well, wouldn't you want to know what's that like?" "Well, wouldn't you want to know what's that like?" "Hmph, yeah sure." "Wouldn't you?" "(ominous music)" "The plans for your rocket chair are in, sir!" "Excellent!" "Do they have the little beer holders on the sides?" "They sure do." "Coooool." "Hey, Nostalgia Critic, We're pals, right?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "We're pals." "Yes, Film Brain!" "We are indeed pals!" "Yes." "Because, this is what pals do right?" "Sit on sofas and watch Hogan's Heroes and stuff, right?" "The things you have just said are true." "Say." "I was thinking." "In my next movie review." "Would you ah like to do a cameo and" "Film reviews?" "We do not do film reviews any more!" "We don't?" "Well, umm, what do we do?" "We sit back!" "And acknowledge the fact that we have our own nation!" "Oh." "How long are we doing that for?" "Forever, Film Brain." "Forever" "Oh." "Say, do you ever get tired of doing that voice?" "Nonsense!" "This is the voice of the Gods!" "A voice that demands honor and justice everywhere he go" " A little bit." "Yeah." "Nonsense!" "This is the voice of the Gods!" "A voice that demands honor and justice everywhere he go" " A little bit." "Yeah." "Cinema Snob!" "What's up?" "(Cinema Snob) Ugh." "These stupid finances." "We've got no money because Nostalgia DICKLESS over there won't do anything." "Well, I'm sure he's building up to something." "Pfft." "Like what?" "Watching more Hogan's Heroes?" "No, I think at five Full House comes on." "No, I think at five Full House comes on." "But that's what I mean." "He does nothing." "It's like the job of the president is to be removed from reality while everyone else does the work." "Yeah." "I imagine that." "(Fritz Von Baugh) If that was the case, why don't you be in charge?" "What?" "I'm just saying." "You know you are more qualified, why couldn't you be president?" "Hey I'm just thinking out loud." "I'm sure both know what you're doing." "Alright men, you make wonderful agents as well as soldiers." "But today we're going to teach you the element of surprise." "Surprise!" "You're learning." "So, Linkara." "How goes it?" "Pretty well." "I was just teaching these men the element of surprise." "Pretty well." "I was just teaching these men the element of surprise." "Have you punched them yet?" "After lunch." "(Angry Joe) Hey Linkara, What's that on your leg?" "It's a receipt- for twenty tons of dynamite?" "Who signed for it?" "The Nostalgia Critic." "(MarzGurl) What's he doing getting dynamite?" "(Linkara) I don't know, but it can't be good." "(Angry Joe) We have to tell somebody about this." "(JewWario) You mean like the Nostalgia Critic?" "(Everyone else) NOOOO!" "How 'bout I make you some tea there, Mr. President?" "How 'bout I make you some tea there, Mr. President?" "Why, yes, Mrs. Vice President." "That'd be wonderful." "(Nostalgia Critic) You know, I don't know why the press picks on you so much." "You seem like the nicest person to me." "(Nostalgia Critic) And we all know nice people make the perfect politicians." "Just look at Carter." "(Nostalgia Critic) I mean, you're so good at making people feel at home." "Lowering their defenses." "Making them feel like they have nothing to worry about." "Indeed." "You gonna drink your tea there." "Oh this, of course." "(sniff)" "Say, ummm." "Is it me or does this tea smell a little umm, poisony?" "Oh, it's just an herbal fusion." "Drink your tea, honey." "Oh, of course." "Hey Critic, there's something you oughta" "Later." "Can I get some cream in my tea?" "Can I get some cream in my tea?" "Cream just makes your penis smaller." "Now drink your tea." "(Nostalgia Critic) Yeah, but..." "I just don't feel like it's tea without cream really." "(incomprehensible wispering) (Nostalgia Chick) Yeah, but you don't know what they put in that cream." "(Nostalgia Chick) They put all sorts of hormones and antibiotics in it." "(Nostaglia Critic) Yeah but that just makes me like it more." "It's just cream a big different for me." "Fine, I'll put the damn cream in it." "(mumbling curses)" "Here's your tea." "Just drink it." "Oh, wait a minute." "That's right, I can't stand tea." "Why don't you get me a candy bar while you're up?" "You betcha." "I gotta tell ya, I'm so lucky to have a vice president like you." "I gotta tell ya, I'm so lucky to have a vice president like you." "You know, not every vice president will get their president tea." "You know what I mean" "I mean there's just some people that can help you in a real tight spot." "I mean a real tight spot." "I mean some people just don't get how" "Hehe... she's so quirky." "Hehe... she's so quirky." "(sarcastically) Boy, it's so great to be back here in this crowded, cramped hotel room again." "I wonder if it's still impossible for me to stretch my arms." "(sarcastically gasps)..." "I can't!" "Happy birthday to me." "Okay, now what exactly is going on here?" "Okay, now what exactly is going on here?" "A whole lot of shit is going down, Snob." "Tell him about it, Lee." "Lee?" "Have you ever felt the motion of water poured down your three dimensional organs?" "I have." "And it is... miraculous." "Alright, umm, Lordkat fill him in." "We found a receipt for twenty tons of dynamite paid for by the Nostalgia Critic." "We found a receipt for twenty tons of dynamite paid for by the Nostalgia Critic." "We don't know what it means, but it can't be good." "So, what?" "You really think he is going to use it against us?" "Who knows." "He might be planning to blow us all up." "He's mad I tell you." "Mad!" "Mad!" "Okay, I'm good." "Look, the Nostalgia Critic may be a little nutty." "But he's not nuts." "You look me in the eye and tell me he's not stupid enough to do something that crazy." "You look me in the eye and tell me he's not stupid enough to do something that crazy." "Okay, you have a point." "But couldn't the signature have been replicated?" "In fact, couldn't the whole thing be replicated?" "How many of you have been listening to that Baugh guy recently?" "(whistling)" "(whistling)" "Yeah." "He gets around, doesn't he?" "Those with brains usually have powers over the brainless." "(Cinema Snob) Look, I'll have a talk with the Critic to see if any of this is true." "What if he suspects us going behind his back?" "He won't suspect us." "I'll put it very delicately." "Everyone thinks you're nuts." "Everyone thinks you're nuts." "Inconsiderate pricks." "Why?" "I think that Baugh guy is spreading lies about you." "I think that Baugh guy is spreading lies about you." "(sighs) I knew I shouldn't have kept that Baugh guy around." "Blame, Phelous." "It was all his idea." "(sigh) Now everybody thinks I'm nuts." "Nah, they're just getting paranoid." "That always happens when big changes happen." "Mmm, I suppose you're right." "I mean I'll win their confidence back sure enough." "There's even a rumor going around that you bought twenty tons of dynamite for yourself." "(laughs) Nooo, that part was true." "(laughs) Nooo, that part was true." "What?" "Oh, yeah." "The whole place is wired." "You see, I've wanted this place for a long time and now that I've got it, I'm not going to let anyone take it away from me." "(Nostalgia Critic) I Discover that the world is filled with nasty wasties, and a lot of those nasty wasties want what I got." "So, if any of them tried to take away what I have." "I'm not afraid to go down with the ship and take EVERYBODY with me." "So, if any of them tried to take away what I have." "I'm not afraid to go down with the ship and take EVERYBODY with me." "(Nostalgia Critic) But that's if one of those nasty wasties shows up." "Or if someone in this beloveded nation of mine is a nasty wasty." "(Nostalgia Critic) What do you say, Cinema Snob?" "You're not one of those nasty wasties, are you?" "You're not one of those nasty wasties, are you?" "(nervously) No, of course not." "Good." "I'm glad we had this talk." "Take care." "Yeah, you too." "(chuckles) I do enjoy our little chats." "You're right, he is nuts." "We got to act and we got to act fast." "I say we castrate him with a fork, tie him to a cactus, then play pinata with his entrails!" "I say we castrate him with a fork, tie him to a cactus, then play pinata with his entrails!" "What?" "You were just so fast to say that." "Just passionate." "That's all." "I like it!" "Maybe we could play really bad music." "That would get him out of the government house." "What kind of music would you pick?" "Michael Bolton" "(everyone cringes.)" "(Cinema Snob) No one should be subjected to that." "I like it!" "How about a legion of spiders?" "How about a legion of spiders?" "No!" "Seriously!" "Who keeps letting him in?" "!" "(sniff) Everybody hates the plan about spiders..." "Why does everybody hate the plan about SPIDERS?" "!" "I like it!" "Look, I'm the one who brought it up to him, I'll be the one who takes him down." "Trust me." "By the end of the week, the Nostalgia Critic won't be the king of Kickassia anymore." "By the end of the week, the Nostalgia Critic won't be the king of Kickassia anymore." "(gasps in shock)" "And they were talking about killing you!" "And they were talking about different ways of killing you!" "And the Cinema Snob was like, "It's my plan so I'll kill him!" "' So I RAN back here as fast as I could, but they SAW me... so SUPERMAN broke in, and he killed them all with his heat vision!" "And then he took me back to his home where we saw Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, AND THE REST OF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE!" "And then he took me back to his home where we saw Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, AND THE REST OF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE!" "And then we went out to a bar, and we had a couple of drinks." "I got totally shit-faced!" "And then I hailed a cab, and I got back here!" "Is that all true, Film Brain?" "!" "Well, I kinda got carried away with the second half, but the first half is REALLYTRUE!" "(sigh) Then I guess we have no choice." "We will have to give Cinema Snob... a trial." "Bring him to me!" "Right!" "Alright guys, I've got a lot of things I need to do, this better be..." "Well, that's confusing." "(yelling incoherently)" "What?" "What?" "!" "(yelling incoherently)" "What?" "What?" "What is that?" "Is that English?" "(yelling incoherently)" "You crazy British fuck!" "What are you saying?" "!" "TRIAL!" "TRIAL!" "What?" "!" "A trial!" "You are going to have a trial." "Oh, God." "Shoot me." "No, no!" "(Nostalgia Critic) And so it is the ruling of this court that you be found guilty for the crimes against our government." "All in favor?" "AYE!" "All opposed?" "(Everyone else) NAY!" "(mockingly) Too bad I'm in charge!" "GUILTY!" "Cinema Snob, do you have anything to say before I sentence you to your... sentence?" "Oh." "I got somethin' to say..." "Well, make it quick, I don't want to miss Gilligan." "When I helped build Kickassia, I had a dream off freedom, justice, and honor." "But now I see it's been shadowed by the DUMBASS COCKFACE that sits across from me." "You really know how to put the 'dick" in dictatorship." "You're out of order, Cinema Snob!" "You're out of order, they're out of order!" "The whole system is out of order!" "I am the system!" "I know you're the system!" "That's my point!" "I know it's your point!" "It's just when you say that I'm out of order and the system's out of order it's kind of redundant!" "What I'm trying to get across is FUCKYOU!" "Fuck you!" "Fuck you!" "Fuck you!" "Won't somebody think of the children?" "!" "Right!" "Now what should his sentencing be?" "Come on, come on!" "Nobody has any ideas?" "Well, I guess I have an idea..." "WAIT!" "I have an idea!" "Oh, really?" "What is it?" "The idea... that, I have right now... requires..." "Cinema Snob..." "C-Cinema Snob!" "...to enter the..." "realm of everlasting..." "Being banished?" "Being banished!" "For... for for for for..." "FOREVER!" "FOREVER!" "You are to be banished forever!" "Oh good, I'll pack a lunch." "(Nostaglia Critic) May your honor be stricken forever!" "May your name always be associated with douchebaggery." "And may you walk, until you walk no more." "Go!" "And never return." "Ok, I'm gonna catch a cab." "If anyone needs me, I'll be at the hotel down the street." "(Nostalgia Critic) Go!" "Venture to the great unknown!" "Who knows what undiscovered terrors await you?" "(Cinema Snob) I've got my cell phone if anyone needs to call." "(Nostalgia Critic) Go!" "May the harshness of this world have no mercy on your soul!" "Nobody look at him!" "Ignore all the terror he has brought to our good nation!" "Go!" "And never return!" "Ever!" "Return!" "Again!" "Phew!" "Banishment is hard work." "Time for me to get some ole' shut-eye." "(whispering) My God." "I know this place." "It's my room but... not." "My old review room." "It's been restored." "...just like at home" "(echoed voice) Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic!" "I remember it so you don't have to!" "It's all just as I remember it... but... who did this?" "What happened to my room?" "!" "Where's my bed?" "Where are my things?" "!" "(Ma-Ti) I thought you'd like it this way..." "Ma-ti?" "Yes..." "It is I..." "Ma-Ti." "...From Captain Planet." "You did this?" "But why?" "To remind you of who you are." "And to bring you a warning." "A word of warning?" "...what?" "The warning is..." "Stop being a douchebag!" "It's totally going to backfire!" "Damn it, Ma-Ti, I don't have time for this!" "Why'd you get rid of Cinema Snob, Critic?" "Damn it, Ma-Ti!" "It had to be done!" "Is it your destiny to not only be the first, but the worst?" "Damn it, Ma-Ti!" "Sacrifices have to be made!" "But at what cost?" "Are you willing to let down the people that got you here?" "Your friends?" "Your allies!" "Damn IT!" "Ma-Ti!" "The president has no friends." "He did once." "When he was loyal, and strong, and not an assmuncher!" "Remember your roots, Critic." "Remember your roots!" "Damn it, Ma-Ti!" "My roots are here!" "In Kickassia!" "And if I can't have it... no one can." "(Ma-Ti) You're a fool, Critic!" "A damn fool!" "You cannot change your destiny!" "You can only choose to meet it!" "...and you will fail." "Shit!" "Cinema Snob is gone, now what do we do?" "!" "I suggest an attack." "A full-frontal assault by all of us." "I'll orchestrate it myself." "Damn it, man!" "He'll have plenty of time to set off the detonator!" "He'll kill us all!" "I can do this Joe!" "I've seen Patton over 100 times!" "No!" "Please?" "No, it's too risky." "Desperate times call for desperate measures." "There is only one logical option." "No..." "You're not seriously suggesting..." "He wouldn't suspect us all if just you go in." "No!" "You're crazy!" "You're all crazy!" "(sighs) Come on!" "Ouit being a poo-stabber and just do it!" "No!" "I..." "I won't be able to!" "Give into the madness, Spoony." "Deep down inside you know who you truly are." "No, damn it!" "I mean..." "I was before but..." "That was the past!" "Listen to your senses, man!" "If not for the team, then do it for us, the team!" "You do realize... that once he's unleashed..." "there's no holding him back." "Sometimes the best way to deal with a madman, is to send in another madman." "That's a stupid plan!" "Exactly!" "A stupid plan, for a stupid man!" "Are you high?" "!" "Alright..." "I'll give into the madness." "(uncomfortable sounds)" "(thunder sounds)" "Nya ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa!" "This is ridiculous!" "We've got NO strategy for this!" "Plus, he's my arch enemy!" "It's just... annoying!" "No, they're right." "We've got to fight madness with-with madness." "And..." "And he's the craziest we've got." "Are you ready there, Doc?" "(maniacal laugh) I WAS BORN READY!" "HAHAHAHA!" "(TV) Hey, Hogan." "Who's that?" "(TV) (Hitler speech)" "HAHAHAHA!" "Oh, hey!" "You gave into the madness!" "That's awesome!" "You miserable cockasaurus!" "Sorry, Critic." "But your reign of terror is at an end." "Now, a NEW reign of terror begins!" "MY reign of terror!" "HAHAHAHAHAHA!" "Alright, you beaker sucking bozo." "You want a piece of me?" "Well, you've got it." "...OW?" "!" "Yaaaaa!" "Ahahahah ahhhhh!" "Hey that hurts!" "Hoooukan!" "(both) Hrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" "Wooooooaaaaah!" "Hahhaha!" "AHHHHH!" "(Nostalgia Critic) Oh my god!" "NOSTALGIA CHICK!" "Insano's gone..." "insane!" "Help me out here, will ya?" "!" "Oh." "Of course." "Where are my manners?" "Ah!" "Ah!" "Ah!" "THAT'S Insano." "I need new glasses." "Ah!" "Ah!" "Ah!" "No offense, but" "Yeah, Yeah" "Eagle 1, Eagle 1!" "This is Test Monkey 2!" "The NC is down!" "Repeat, the NC is down!" "(MarzGurl) Good work, Test Monkey!" "Return to base after you've destroyed the body." "Not so fast, Eagle 1!" "I have a few requests before I dispose of the body." "(MarzGurl) What do you mean?" "Well, first of all, I want Kickassia!" "But..." "THAT wasn't part of the deal." "(Dr. Insano) I am ALTERING the deal!" "Pray that I don't alter it any further." "(Dr. Insano) Oh, wait." "Another alteration." "Hahaha, you didn't pray hard enough." "Uhm..." "I would also like my own flag made for me." "One with the Evolution of Man, except with ME at the end of the line." "Oh, and I'd also want my own ice cream parlor." "There's never an ice cream stand around when you REALLY need one." "Oh, and it better Goddamn well have Chocolate Chocolate Chip!" "God HELP you if you don't have Chocolate Chocolate Chip!" "And perhaps a..." "A, uh..." "Oh." "Yaaaahahahah!" "(Dr. Insano) What ever happened to the purity of unarmed combat?" "Well, this is superconductor electromagnetism." "(Nostalgia Critic) Certainly you've heard of it." "It levitates bullet trains from Tokyo to Osaka." "It will levitate my rocket chair, once it finally arrives." "And it also levitates... meeeeee." "You do realize you're just standing on your tippy toes, don't you?" "Ahhh!" "Ahhh!" "Ahhh!" "Ha!" "Your superconductor electromagnetism is nothing compared to SCIENCE!" "But it IS science!" "Well, I'm sciencier!" "Ahhh!" "Hrrrrrrraaaah" "Guhrrrrrrrr" "SCIENCE!" "Woooohohoho Aahahah!" "(crash!" ")" "(Nostalgia Critic) Knock knock." "(Dr. Insano) Who's there?" "GUN!" "(scream)" "Surrender!" "No!" "Alright, just thought I'd give it a shot." "Wait, don't kill him!" "Why not?" "Well, technically, it's still Spoony in there!" "Mmm, I think I still wanna kill him." "OH GOD!" "Wait, it's not his fault!" "What?" "!" "...Well, maybe somebody put him up to it!" "What are you talking about?" "Nothing!" "He's just French." "They just talk." "Go, go ahead and kill him." "I don't wanna DIE!" "Is someone conspiring against me?" "What gave you that idea?" "When he said that someone's conspiring against me." "I didn't say that." "I still have so much more science to do!" "He doesn't know what he's talking about." "Oh, would a few holes in the DOCTOR HELP?" "!" "NO!" "NO!" "Then what's going on?" "!" "I want my mommy!" "Nothing!" "I assure you, nothing is wrong." "You're a part of this, aren't you?" "Me or him?" "Either!" "(Linkara) NO!" "(Benzaie) YES!" "(Linkara) YES!" "(Benzaie) NO!" "You ARE against me..." "Help me, Santa!" "You're just paranoid, Critic." "Who else is in on it?" "!" "Help me, Jesus Christ!" "We're all your friends, Critic!" "We're all your friends, Critic!" "Are you?" "!" "Yes" "ARE YOU?" "!" "Help me..." "SANTA CHRIST!" "(Santa Christ Theme) Ho Ho Ho" "AHHHH!" "Hoooo" "(thud)" "...Well, gee, THAT'S sad." "You... just..." "KILLED Santa Christ!" "You all saw it!" "He came at me with a chainsaw!" "We heard gunshots!" "Did it come from a GUN?" "!" "(Sage) Holy smokes." "You killed Santa Christ?" "I didn't MEAN to, it was an accident!" "My God, the greatest combination of Christmas icons is dead!" "Yeah, I... guess he is..." "(sad electric piano)" "This is a sad day for Handsome Tom... and 8-bit Mickey" "At least he died a good, STRONG man." "And three dimensionally." "Hey, guys, what did I miss?" "SANTA CHRIST!" "NOOOOOOOO!" "He Shoulda been holding an Uzi." "...Wait a minute." "Isn't Santa Christ made out of the hopes and dreams of people everywhere?" "Maybe, just maybe, if we wish hard enough, we can bring him back to life" "No, Critic, no!" "That's crazy talk!" "But do you dare try?" "!" "DO YOU DARE TRY?" "!" "Let's show what it truly means to believe." "We believe in Santa Christ!" "(everyone) We believe in Santa Christ!" "(everyone chanting) We believe in Santa Christ!" "And now, all the people out there!" "Anyone who ever cared about a treasured icon!" "(everyone chanting) We believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ" "We believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "We believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in... wait you want me to say WHAT?" "!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "I believe in Santa Christ!" "And now, all the people watching at home!" "Come on, say it with us now!" "(everyone chanting) We Believe in Santa Christ!" "Nope." "That did nothing." "Toss him." "(Phelous) Told you it wouldn't work." "(Nostalgia Critic) Yeah, it didn't work 'cause you're a doucheface." "Dammit!" "We have to think of something and think of something fast!" "I dunno, I still think Dr. Insano might work." "I feel like a puppy that's been raped by a bulldozer." "No no no no!" "No more Mr. Insano!" "We HAVE to think of something else!" "I think our last option after our..." "last option... is Linkara." "Yeah, you might have a point." "(Angry Joe) What do ya say, Linkara?" "Why don't you try out some of that... strategic mumbo jumbo." "Joe Joe Joe..." "I know we've had our differences in the past." "We have?" "Yes." "I don't like you very much." "Oh... (Linkara) But your love of destruction mixed with my love of PLANNING destruction might serve us well." "So you'll do it?" "It's my JOB to do it!" "(Patton Voice) Alright, troops, here's how it's gonna work." "We're gonna hit him during the day." "We're gonna hit him like crap through a goose!" "Now then, the reason we're hitting him during the day is because it'll be less likely he'll have the detonator on him especially when we let him have it!" "(muffled) Let him have what?" "The greatest plan that man has ever known!" "(Paw) That's a game of Risk." "Yes, and it's also gonna serve as our battle plan." "Now then, just assume that Northern Europe here is the Government House, and Greenland is the Back Yard." "Angry Joe and I will be stationed here!" "Handsome Tom and 8 Bit Mickey will travel in through the back, then Monty will come in through Messina." "Wait, wait!" "You can't travel that way, the countries have to be connected!" "No they don't." "(Sage) Yes they do!" "See?" "See those dotted lines?" "They connect!" "They do?" "Well I thought so." "I thought you needed dice for this." "Do you?" "I dunno." "How DO you play this game anyway?" "Well guys..." "Glad you asked." "(Board James) You got your deck of 56 risk cards, 3 red dice, 2 white dice, 6 sets of colored armies, and, of course, your game board because every board game has a game BOARD!" "The first step is to claim all the territories." "Each player rolls 1 die." "Whoever rolls the highest number gets to place one of their armies on the territory of your choice." "After all territories are claimed, game play begins." "At the beginning of every turn, count the number of territories you already own, then divide the number by 3." "Then add that number of armies." "You can also get armies by trading in certain combination of cards." "You get the cards from capturing a territory." "The attacker rolls the red dice based off the number of armies on the territory which is attacking." "The winner is the first greedy bastard to take over the whole world." "And that's... all there is to it!" "Hey, that's good to know!" "Thanks, Board James!" "Well, thank YOU for the, uh... obligatory cameo." "Anyway, who's turn was it?" "I think Paw had the dice last." "Let's do this!" "Hey, wait a minute!" "What are we doing playing a game?" "!" "We're planning a strategy!" "(everyone groans)" "But this game is so much more fun, though!" "We're planning a TAKEOVER!" "Alright, already!" "(knock knock knock)" "(knock knock knock)" "(femanine Voice) Who is it?" "(Filme Brain) It's Film Brain" "(different voice) How do we know it's really you?" "I wouldn't want you to know it was me, so I wouldn't ADMIT it was me Confusing enough." "What are you doing here, bitch snitch?" "I want to help you take down the Critic." "That is, if you'll still have me" "Yeah?" "How do we know you're not gonna double cross us?" "Because..." "Because..." "Because the Nostalgia Critic killed Santa Chriiiiiist!" "(cries)" "(hesitantly) There... there..." "So, you're saying you want vengeance for Santa Christ?" "I WANT HIS FRIGGIN HEAD!" "Good." "Then we're all on the same page now." "Now, we just decided that Linkara was gonna plan the attack." "And you just missed a humorous cameo from Board James." "We're just about to talk about how we're gonna bring down the empire!" "Good." "Very very good." "Good, everybody set?" "Alright then, now, listen carefully!" "We've only got a few days to plan this out, so let's get it right!" "(epic music)" "(Linkara Patton) Alright, men." "Let's take him down." "(singing) Three little maids from school are we!" "Pert as a school-girl well can be!" "Filled to the brim with girlish glee!" "Three little maids from school!" "Everything is a source of fun!" "Hahahahahahahaha!" "What the hell?" "!" "Excellent shot, Mr. Joe." "Except for the fact that you missed." "Fire again!" "Wuh!" "..." "Ah!" "Critic." "You magnificent bastard, I read your book!" "AAAAAAH!" "Oh, that's a shame." "Oh, thank God you're here." "Joe and Linkara have gone insane with violence!" "DESTROYTHEM UNTILTHEY ARE NOTHING BUT RUBBLE!" "Didn't you hear me?" "ANNIHILATE THEM!" "Do I have to start paying you so I can cut your wages?" "(everyone else) Aaaaaah!" "REVOLUTION!" "Ahahahahahah!" "Get him, Beary!" "Oui oui, mon ami!" "I love it..." "God help me, I love it so..." "BEARY!" "OH MY GOD!" "Pfft." "Get out of the way, pipsqueakEEEE!" "Roaaaaahhh" "So, you like being 3D?" "Oh, yes, I do." "Well, tell me how THESE feel." "AAhhhhh!" "Eeeck" "Who'd a thought a dictatorship would be so one sided?" "Who'd a thought a dictatorship would be so one sided?" "AH!" "Phelous." "After all the good ideas I came up with for you!" "AH!" "(angrily) Shut up!" "Just SHUT UP!" "Et tu, Film Brain?" "Sorry, Critic." "But you shot one Santa Christ too many." "Oh, you're such a twerp." "(Film Brain) YOU'RE ATWERP!" "(door opens)" "(Nostalgia Critic) So, you've all been plotting against me." "You know, I really expected Kickassia to kick a little more ass than this!" "I'm VERY disappointed in all of you." "You have indeed been hanging out with the wrong crowd, Critic." "Cinema Snob." "How DARE you return from your... banishment-dom!" "That was the old order." "THIS is the NEW order." "(timidly)..." "New order?" "Yes." "One that's been coming to you for a long time." "Weren't you Dr. Insano?" "Eh, I got better." "The age of Kickassia has come to an end, Critic." "A new age lies before us." "An age without YOU." "It's okay, we got him!" "His body is spread out over..." "Oh." "You've had your fun running this country, Critic." "Well, now it's our turn." "And the first rule of order?" "A move for a medieval ass-kicking of our old president." "All in favor?" "(everyone) Aye!" "All Opposed?" "(very timidly) Nay." "Motion passes!" "Have fun everybody!" "WAIT!" "I have an idea!" "Really?" "What is it?" "...The idea... involves, uhm..." "You..." "ME!" "Uhm..." "Getting..." "GETTING!" "..." "Uh, uh..." "Your ass kicked!" "MY ASS KICKED!" "ME GETTING MY ASS KICKED!" "..." "No, wait." "Too late!" "Aaaaah!" "Hold it!" "(MarzGurl) What do YOU want?" "Oh, nothing." "Just wanted to make my cameo." "Bye!" "AAAAAH!" "(Nostalgia Critic Internal Voice) I didn't even get... my rocket chair..." "It's over!" "The evil Critic is defeated!" "(everyone cheers)" "Revolution!" "A new dawn is upon us!" "The uprising has begun!" "HAHAHAHAHA!" "Mmmhmm... (slow clap)" "(slow clap)" "Well done, everyone." "Well done." "Now, seeing as how ' l" am next in line for the presidency, it's only fitting that I should wear the crown." "You'll refer to me as Madame President from now on." "Wait a minute." "This whole cutesy, naive thing was all just an ACT?" "Yup." "You're not really that nice?" "No." "You're really not that stupid?" "Uh uh." "But what I can tell you is this..." "That I am the new rulenatrix of Kickassia." "And there are gonna be some new rules around here." "(laughs maniacally)" "Excuse me, but it was MY insight that overthrew this government." "So I think that it should be I who's taking over as acting president." "(laughs maniacally)" "Bad news, I'm afraid." "Since I was the one who orchestrated this operation, it is obviously ' l" who should be president!" "(laughs maniacally)" "Uh Uh." "I didn't put on that false cutsey crap for three straight" "Look, lady." "That hat is mine!" "AHH!" "(everyone shouts)" "(door opens)" "(Santa Christ Theme) Hooo ho ho ho ho ho ho!" "(Santa Christ Theme) Hooo ho ho ho ho ho ho!" "Santa Christ?" "!" "That's right!" "On the third day, I rise again!" "In fulfillment of the awesomeness!" "Ho ho ho!" "SANTA CHRIST!" "It's so good to see you!" "Hey, wait a minute!" "Uhm..." "Why did it take you three days to come back?" "Why didn't you just do it right away?" "Ho ho!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "Have you ever been dead before?" "No." "Have you ever risen from the grave?" "Guess not..." "Well then, I guess you don't really have any sort of frame of reference now, do you?" "Ho ho ho ho That's okay." "Here!" "Have Othello!" "Oh my God!" "I love this game!" "I know!" "Ho ho ho!" "Listen, this task wasn't any of yours to take, now, was it?" "Aren't you happy with your online shows?" "Aren't you glad people actually give a crap about what you have to say?" "(crowd in self reflective agreement)" "What do you say we get back to that nice Mr. Baugh fellow?" "It was HIS place originally, after all." "Well, he's right." "Let's give Mr. Baugh his land back." "(crowd agrees)" "FREEDOM!" "Wondrous freedom!" "Shine and bask in the glory of your new world!" "HAHAHAHAHAHA!" "...What?" "(jolly crowd)" "(jolly crowd)" "(Nostalgia Critic) Ahh!" "No you don't!" "Need I remind you that there are 20 tons of dynamite under this nation?" "!" "Uh, joke's on you, moron." "I disconnected the dynamite after I left." "You push that thing and nothing happens." "...I don't believe you!" "I push this button and we all get blown SKY HIGH!" "Very well." "For the honor and all of KICKASSIA!" "...Kaboooooom!" "AAHHHHHH!" "Hello." "Uhm..." "Because my team can't run a nation" "Because I can't run a nation, we've decided to give the nation back to you." "So, you can own..." "Molassia again" "But it was never mine to begin with." "Oh, Christ!" "Alright, you know, when you ' SEE the president"" "You know when he "shows up,' can you tell him Molassia is his again?" "I will relay the message." "Yeah, you do that, you twat." "Why the fuck did I want this place anyway?" "God damn waste of time." "(Narrator) And so, all are departed away." "The great shroud of the desert rolls over the nation." "Good night, you Princes of Mayhem, you Warriors of Virtue." "The beauty of the world, the paragon of warriors." "NOW is the winter of their discontent." "Did they not learn that it was theirs to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune?" "Did they not discover that diamonds are forever or tomorrow never dies?" "Did they not recall the old Klingon proverb that revenge is a dish best served cold?" "Did they not learn as conquerors once before that all is fair in love and war?" "(gun shot) (Narrator) OOh!" "(Nostalgia Critic) No"