"ANNOUNCER:" "Ladies and gentlemen, here to play the National Anthem, friend of NASCAR, William Murderface!" "It is an honor to be here!" "You are all my children." "Get ready for our nation's National Anthem... [ zipper opens ] [ cheers and applause ] ...played with my [bleep]." "" [ "The Star-Spangled Banner" plays ] "" "pickles:" "Aw, that's just gross." "Nobody needs to see that." "And how many more times do I have to hear" "The national anthem, you know?" "Oh, come on." "We told Murderface we'd watch." ""l'll drive in circles for a while." "That's fun." "That'll do 'er."" "NATHAN:" "Oh, my god!" "That's Skwisgaar and Toki!" "pickles:" "Oh, look!" "They're totally drunk!" "Oh, that's awesome!" "ANNOUNCER:" "Authorities are confused as to why the chase began." "[ metal crunching ]" "" Do anything for Dethklok " " Do anything for Dethklok "" "" Do anything for Dethklok " " Do anything for Dethklok "" "" Do anything for Dethklok "" "" Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok! "" "ANNOUNCER:" "Well, it seems that Toki Wartooth and Skwisgaar Skwigelf have gotten themselves into some legal hot water." "Local law enforcement had this to say." "You know, we were prepared to hunt down and shoot and kill these people, but then we found out it was Dethklok, so, uh..." "you know, that changes things." "ANNOUNCER:" "Wow, the courts have agreed to find them not guilty as long as Toki and Skwisgaar go to driving school and get their licenses." "And they've got to do some community service." "I wonder what that's gonna be." "In other news, Murderface's national anthem bass solo for NASCAR was preempted." "Tough luck, Murderface." "MURDERFACE:" "Why do I get preempted?" "!" "You know why?" "'Cause I'm just a stupid bass player." "Why don't I just play behind the bass amps?" "Maybe that would be good." "Then album sales would go up." "Who am I fooling?" "I don't deserve the spotlight." "I thought I could maybe, just once -- just once -- be in the spotlight." "That's all I want." "Just once." "CHARLES:" "Uh, everything okay in here?" "Yeah, but we's gots to plans this wholes charity's events things now and do's a lives televised concerts?" "Yeah, community service sucks!" "And thens we gots to go to driving schools on top of this!" "It's toos much works!" "All right, all right, all right, maybe I can help out." "Murderface has been in his room for the last three days sulking about the preemption of his NASCAR bass solo." "Maybe you can let him produce your public-service charity event." "Give him a little spotlight, and maybe everyone will be happy." "And thens we don'ts gots to do it?" "Fines!" "Uh, Nathan, Pickles, want to weigh in on this stuff?" "Lot of stuff going on over here." "Just kind of not paying attention over there?" "Nope." "Nope." "Okay, give me a call when you need me to pick you up." " You guys got your phones?" " Yeah." "Great, eat all your lunch and don't talk to anybody." "There's weirdos out there, okay?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "All right, bye!" "Study hard!" "Hey, Toki, I bet yous a millions billions dollars that I wills be a betters drivers than you." "Oh, I bet you krillions billions that I's gonna be's the best ands the fastest." "No ways!" "Yous are on!" "Let's go!" "All right!" "[ tires screeching, horn honks ]" "Oh, looks outs." "[ laughs ]" "Oh." "That's funny." "MURDERFACE:" "Oh, see, it's like a NASCAR-type theatrical hybrid event with cars!" "So it's a car race." "Yeah, it'll be awesome!" "I'm confused." "You want to do a car race?" "Yes!" "But, no." "Not just a car race -- a car event." "It's like Medieval Times." "Okay, so there's like jousting and horses " "No!" "No!" "Well, maybe!" "Maybe!" "Guys, help me out." "I'll help you out." "I'll, uh, help you out, uh... duh..." "Murderface is, uh... trying to tell you something about, uh...something." "Thank you, Pickles." "What does this have to do with Dethklok?" "We are Dethklok!" "I'm in Dethklok!" "I'm Nathan Explosion from Dethklok." "I'm Pickles the drummer from Dethklok!" "It's me telling it to you." "Right, I know that." "What does this have to do with the music, though?" "Who cares about what it has to do with the band and the music?" "!" "Your audience cares." "[bleep] the audience!" "[bleep] them!" "Are you guys on board with this idea, really?" "Eh, I could take it or leave it." "Yeah, me, too." "Good day, then." "Fine." "Mother [bleep]ing fine!" "It's my time to shine, and you're jealous!" "Nothing can keep me back from producing the best NASCAR theatrical hybrid event the world's ever seen!" "Oh [bleep]." "Gentlemen, it appears as if Dethklok is sponsoring their own NASCAR-type theatrical hybrid event." "If you'd please turn your attention to our Murderface expert, Dr. Gibbetz." "Gentlemen, the ego of the bass player is fragile." "His emotional insecurity is triggered by the perception that he is unloved, inadequate, and worthless." "Just look at William Murderface." "Frightened, scared, hate-filled -- the perfect specimen of devolution " "Cro-magnon brow, distended jaw, clammy hands, buckled stomach, back pimplage, hitchhiker thumbs, hammer assed, fallen arches, chicken-plucked legs, sandpapery, eczema-styled skin, dry, unkempt triangle hair." "This creature..." "devolved whirling in that mess self-hatred bubbling inside... this pathetic insecurity will cause him to want to be in control." "Of course, this will be overridden by his dominant laziness, lack of concentration, and possible bipolar disorder, which should make for a most disastrous NASCAR-type theatrical hybrid event." "TOKl:" "I don'ts knows about this place." "It gives me the creeps." " Yeah." " l'm scared." "Somethings about this just ain'ts right." "[ speaking Japanese ] I'm going to show you a film." "This film is called the..." ""Crash Site at The Corner of Blood Street and Guts Circle."" "It is very, very brutal." "Driving a car can be fun." "But sometimes it's dangerous." "Drinking and driving is a fun way to pass the time, but maybe sometimes it isn't such a good idea." "If the good lord wanted us to drink and drive, we would have been born with smashed faces." "Fireman Joe's gonna have to squirt your guts to the side of the road." "That's okay." "Blood makes the grass grow." "Say, you wouldn't happen to have an extra-big spatula, would you?" "Billy's got some eggs -- eggs that are his intestines." "Where's Glenda?" "Late again?" "She better drive extra fast." "Oh, no." "Her tits are on Oatmeal Street and her brains are on Willow Drive." "That's two blocks away." "Long way for tits to be away from brains." "He's still clutching the steering wheel -- with his face." "Eyeballs, anyone?" "Wonder what he was thinking?" "Well, look at his brains." "Maybe that'll tell you." "Okay, let's drive and have some fun." "[ slice!" "]" "Murderface." "Oh, hi!" "What are you doing in here?" "Just getting my work done." "Getting your work done." "What work are you doing right now?" "Uh, yeah, for the show, everything." "Alright, well, the impression I'm getting from you is that you don't know what you're doing." "Oh, no." "Not true." "You're very late approving all the production design." " Yeah." " Okay, you have to do that." " Yeah." " And you've looked at the schedule?" " Yeah." " Okay, and what " " Fine." " You approved the schedule" "Approved." "You have a press conference in five minutes." "Okay, this is the Associated Press, all right?" "You know who that is?" "Yeah." "So, there's a lot of people here, all right?" "They're confused by your idea, so you have to set them straight, okay?" "Yeah." "Straight." "And you'll remember to do the insurance?" " Got it." " Should do that now." "Yeah, I'll do it now." "We'll do it right after the press conference." " Right after the press conference." " Okay." " Okay." " l did my job." "Okay." "Instructor:" "Please pull forward now." "No, I lets that guy go first." "But now it's your turn." "After this guy." "You have right of way." "After that guy." "You go's ahead!" "Let's go, douche bag!" "Leaves hims alone!" "[ crying ] I can'ts do it." "[ indistinct conversations ]" "Oh, l-l can't go out there!" "I've never been in charge before!" "Look, I'm nervous." "Oh, I'm so nervous!" "Oh, god." "Relax. I see." "You know what?" "Hey, take one of these." "It's a special pill -- slows down your heart." "My heart's too fast, huh?" "NATHAN:" "You shouldn't have done that." "He's gonna get all weird and slurry and slow." "No, no, no he's not." "It's got a little bit of speed with angel dust to counteract the low with a hint of coke and a splash of [bleep] and giggles, you know, whatever." "You feel better?" "Yow, yow." "[ mumbling ]" "MAN:" "Wait, I don't understand." "This is supposed to be, what -- a NASCAR-type theatrical hybrid event?" "[ mumbling ]" "You think you maybe gave him too much pills?" "Yeah, no, it's what I take if I have to do a thing." "Huh, guess he just can't handle the pressure." "Kind of feel bad for him." "He's kind of bit off more than he can chew, but, uh... let's see if we can go make him [bleep] his pants." "Yeah, okay." "MAN:" "And Dethklok -- what's their involvement?" "[ stammering ] [ camera shutter clicks ]" "You both failed your driving tests." "But that's uns-possibles." "No, it isn't." "You didn't drive anywhere." "It's scary!" "I know." "You keep telling me." "Whys did I's fail?" "You wouldn't even sit in the front seat." "It's so scarles up theres!" "How you gonna drive back seat?" "!" " Racist!" " Yeah racist!" "Well, [bleep] you, too." "I'm leaving." "Great, we supposed to drives the double-necks guit-cars at Murderface's shows tomorrows nights, but we's too damned scareds." "Scareds likes little chicken." "ANNOUNCER:" "Welcome to the first ever hybrid theatrical tournament, produced under the supervision and guidance of" "William Murderface!" "" Die, tonight "" "" You'll never see the light "" "" You're in a steel sarcophagus "" "" You're trapped in traffic, losing life "" "" You can't move "" "" The horns ring louder in your ear "" "" You'll die here waiting, that's your fate "" "" You're murdered by the interstate "" "MAN:" "1 Krillion hex-cades ago, in an ancient, faraway netherverse dwelled an ancient alien civilization devoted to making steel beasts with wheels of fire and engines like pulsing devil hearts!" "What were these hell contraptions?" "They were gods!" "Tomnathan Falconcrammer from the Black team." "Uno von Galaxor from the Purple team!" "Hans Engineheart from the Yellow team!" "And Maxazillion Wheelblazer from the Green team!" "Gentlemen, start your engines!" "[ tires screeching ]" "[ tires screeching ] [ cheering ]" "BOTH:" "Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-a!" "[ stammering ]" "This event's a total catastrophe." "We should get him to [bleep] his pants." "[bleep] your pants!" "[ muttering ] [bleep] my pants!" "Chirp."