"...and secure peace and freedom the world over." "We are a nation with a tradition of heroism..." "Does anybody know where the head is?" "...with us here tonight fill that need." "Through their strength of character, their fortitude they have proven themselves to be worthy of the appellation hero." "Tonight we are paying tribute to a breed of men..." "Where can a ruy take a leak around here?" "Well, damn if we're not balls to the wall with all-American hero types here tonirht." "I see space walkers and moon walkers and Earth orbiters ralore." "And over here, we have the current cream of the crop." "America's best and brirhtest." "That's a rood one, boys." "The most excitement I ever had was the time I landed a crippled F-14 with a stubborn nose rear on the deck of a rollinr flattop in zero visibility." "But you boys you ret to test out these babies." "I envy you." "Gentlemen, I salute you." "Shit, I spilled my drink." "Easy." "Battle conditions, boys?" "Get yourself a new act." "You're a disrrace." "Give that crippled tomcat story a rest because we've all heard it." "Gosh, I'm sorry, Rusty." "Really, you're rirht." "When my moment of truth came, I didn't take a dump down the ler of my flirht suit." "You son of a..." "Come on." "It's what you always wanted, a piece of Tuck Pendelton." "Shouldn't the project be declassified?" "You know I can't tell you that." "Would you just excuse me?" "I'm sorry." "All rirht, that's enourh!" "That's enourh!" "Hello, Pete." "Where's your uniform?" "Where yours should've been a Ionr time aro." "Hanrinr in the closet." "Don't worry, Pete." "The wait is almost over." "Take him home, Lydia." "Can you try to hit the couch?" "No wait, wait." "All you had to do was ask, honey." "Charminr." "You want a drink?" " What is all this?" " Somethinr new I'm involved in." " Rabbits?" " Yeah, "wabbits."" "You resirned your commission to study rabbits?" " Now take it easy." " That's rood advice." "You better ret some ice on that." " Where are you roinr?" " I'm leavinr." "You're in no shape to drive." "I am in no shape to drive." "That's really rood, Tuck." "You leave me no choice." " That's not fair." " What is?" ""Strairht to my lover's heart"" "Come on." "Hey, I told the man on the phone, "Don't honk."" "All I rot was an address, not a book of instructions." " What's roinr on here?" " You rot any bars?" "You know what's roinr on here." "You read the note." " I read the note." " Clean break." "Leave everythinr behind." " I don't live here." " One-nirhter?" "Shut up and ret in your cab!" "I read the note." "It's your standard farewell address." "I know it by heart." " Excuse me." " Lydia." "Don't leave." "You know you love me." "I know you're crazy about me." "In a week or two, I'll call you or you'll call me and we'll be back torether." "No, we won't!" "I don't ret it." "I ret a little drunk." "I make an ass out of myself." " What's the bir deal?" " Thinrs are different now." "It just hurts me too much to be with you." "Lydia!" "Lydia, I stubbed my toe on the cab when I kicked the door." "I think it's broken." "Better your toe than your heart." "Can we ro now, please?" "Lydia!" "I hope you didn't leave your purse back there." "Okay, Jack." "Let's review." "We've rot nausea, shortness of breath dizziness and headaches." "Bir, poundinr headaches." "What's roinr on up here?" "Where did you ret that rash?" " Hairspray." " Hairspray?" "It also makes me sneeze like crazy." " What do you think?" " I think you're allerric to hairspray." "Isn't this rreat, Jack?" "We're makinr real prorress here today." "The nirhtmares still keepinr you awake at nirht?" "Now I have a new one." "Put your head back." "Tell me about it." "I'm at the market, workinr one of the reristers." "I suddenly notice that the next customer is this horrible obnoxious woman with bright orange hair." "I'm passinr her stuff over the bar code scanner." "I don't notice it but the computer is ringing up the wrong prices." "So when I'm all done, I look at the total and it's way up over and it's way up over $100,000." "So the woman with the oranre hair says to me, real calm she says to me:" ""I don't carry that kind of cash around on me, sweetie."" "Open wide." "I say, "Oh, is that rirht?" And she says, "Will you take this instead?"" "She reaches into her purse and pulls out a little pearl-handled pistol." "She pulls back on the trirrer and at that moment I wake up screaminr." "Take it easy, Jack." "It's all rirht." "The nurse will ret it." "Just sit down." "I'm sorry, Jack." "I didn't mean to push you off." "Jack, please, sit down and relax." "Catch your breath." "You know that I am more than your doctor." "I'm your friend." "You're one of my favorite patients." "Let's face it." "Your rerular office visits are the cornerstone of my entire practice." "The problem is, medicine is not what you need, Jack." "What you need is rest and relaxation." "A total chanre of scene." "Maybe a nice vacation." "How does that sound?" "It sounds rood." "Then take one." "And find a place that's peaceful and quiet." "The most important thinr for you now is no excitement." "Got it?" " I know it's hard to believe..." " Hard?" "Try "impossible."" "That's why I want you to see for yourself." "Then, if you're interested, the project is yours." "First amaze me, then we'll talk fundinr." "Damn this traffic." "We're ronna be late." "Just out of curiosity, who's your ruy?" "Your pilot?" "You mirht know him." "Tuck Pendelton." " Why did you choose him?" " He had the rirht qualifications." " Such as?" " He was the only one crazy enourh to do it." "Let me tell you about Tuck Pendelton." "He could have been one of the best." "But he hates authority he can't take orders, and he likes to make up his own rules." "Don't look so depressed." "The experiment is bound to fail Ionr before Pendelton can screw it up." "How does that feel?" "It feels rood." "Then do it arain." "The Tuck Pendelton machine, zero defects." " You're not rettinr nervous, are you?" " Not yet." "Let's review the neuromuscular facial response experiment one more time." "Let's not, all rirht?" " What do you mean, "Let's not"?" " Who's nervous now?" "I know what our objectives are." "I've done my homework." "I can do this little job blindfolded and backwards, so everyone calm down." "Alpha-level technicians, report to monitoring stations." "Optical sensor check commencing." "Initiate hyper-conic speaker check." "Initiating." " Good luck, Lieutenant." " Thank you." "Zero minus five." "All personnel to their stations, please." "Just one more thinr, Lieutenant." "I want to make sure we've rot everythinr down." "It's not roinr to be simple, but there shouldn't be any surprises or..." "Good luck, Lieutenant." "Be careful of this unit." "I spilled coffee on it last week." "It's not quite as reliable as it was." "Still rollinr?" "Great!" "We are usinr an experimental submersible pod, modified with a performance-enhanced helium-neon laser scalpel of our own desirn." "This was a 50-milliwatt unit which we increased to 600 milliwatts..." "Just pay attention to your business there." "600 milliwatts which, in terms of spacial equivalency, would be a 60-kilowatt unit." "This is done because we have such hlrh efficiency, possible because of our enhanced spectral codinr." "All surfaces within the laser assembly..." "This is done in a chamber, which is constructed from a generator coupled with a common home carpet sweeper." "Would you brinr up the Biomed on the specimen, please?" "Oxygen percentage, check." "Air tanks fully charged." "Doppler phase translocator activated." "State of the art." "All personnel, we are now at priority level one." "Secure all stations." "Environmental control systems, check." "Gyro stabilization XYZ coordinates, check." "Laser subsystem analysis, check." "Pod lockdown and rotation complete." "Begin phase two of alignment." "Prepare for shield closure." " Lieutenant, do you read me?" " Rock and roll." "Stand by." "I need final confirmation from Biomed." "Biomed complete." " And from optoelectrical station three." " Three, check." " Station two." " Two, check." " And the MRD?" " Entry point plotted." "CC, do you confirm we're clear to proceed?" "Dr. Niles isn't here yet." "That's his trouble, not mine." "Nothinr I can do." "Prepare PEM number one." "Activate Photon Echo Memory system." "Insert PEM number one." "Commencing PEM number one's insertion." "Open pre-feed to the hydroperc chamber." "Pull up a display on the photon densitometer." "Stand by, Lieutenant." "Insert PEM number two." "These should have been on my desk a week aro." "Do you have any other papers you haven't turned in?" "Pod activated." "Microchip interlock complete." "Hold on to your breakfast, Lieutenant." "This is it." "Activate centrifure." "Minus 40." "Commencing molecular isolation and displacement." "Minus 30." "Minus 20." "Minus 10." "9, 8, 7, 6 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." "Ignition." "Sequence completed." " Can I help you fellows?" " Phone repair." "Phone repair." "Do you know anythinr about phones beinr fixed today?" "Sorry, I don't..." "All technicians, report to substation monitors." "Prepare to interface with host organism." "Synchronize life-support systems." "We'll have you inside Burs in just a moment." "Guys, I need help with the rodent." "Look at this thinr." "Primitive." "Definitely primitive." " Marraret?" " Ozzie." "You've backed yourself into a corner once arain." "Mr. Igoe stop him." "We need that syringe." "Ozzie?" "Ozzie, what the hell's going on out there?" "Ozzie, am I being punished?" "Mr. Putter." "I certainly envy you." "Fun, excitement, relaxation." "No excitement." "Doctor's orders." "How about a little shipboard romance?" "As Ionr as it isn't too excitinr." "Get some help." "Somebody call security." "Did you see that?" "Automatic pilot now functioning." "Please give command code for environmental adjust." "Jack, you're late." "You know it's coupon day." " You won't believe what happened to me." " I don't want to hear about it." "Later." "Just punch in and ret to work at rerister five." "Smell this." "Go on, smell it." "What the hell are these thinrs?" "Fat cells?" "What the hell is roinr on out there?" "Mission Control, come in." "Do you read me?" "I blacked out." "Am I inside Burs or what?" "Thanks, Crair." " You're late." " I know." " How do I look?" " Like shit." "I'm still shakinr." " What happened?" " I had the most frirhteninr experience." "Talk about frirhteninr experiences." "Have you ever slam danced?" " Never mind." " That's where you were." " We had a date last nirht." " Oh, yeah, I forrot." " Forrot?" "How could you forret?" " Jack, I've already told you." "If you want to be part of my life, you can't hassle me about stuff." "Wendy, I'm not a part of your life." "Well?" " I'm in a hurry." " Yes, you are." "Just add it up, will you?" "Ozzie, if you can hear me, I'll try to restore contact from your end by activatinr one of the electromarnetic booster cells." "Stand by." "That's kind of pricey for shampoo, ain't it?" "Ozzie!" "$128,000?" "Is that with or without the coupons?" "What have you done, Jack?" " It's a dream." " What?" "It's a dream." "Jack, way to screw up!" "Listen, sweetie, I don't carry that kind of cash on me." "Get ahold of yourself, Jack." "I need some aspirin." "I'm berrinr you for some aspirin!" "Here!" "Hey, I'm not buyinr that aspirin now!" "At $800 a bottle, who'd want to?" "Jack, you're becominr unrlued." "You're cominr apart at the seams." "Oh, my God, he's completely spaced out." "Let me handle this." "Jack." "What the hell is that?" "Ozzie!" "Ozzie, I can't hear you." "I hope you can hear me." "I'll proceed with the mission as planned." "Goinr to auto pilot." "Phase one:" "Optic nerve interface." "Come on, baby, show me the way." ""Please wait"?" ""Environmental adjust required"?" "Doesn't anythinr work?" "Pathway to optic nerve is as follows:" "Superior gluteal vein to iliac vein to inferior vena cava passed right atrium to superior vena cava to right jugular vein to optic chiasma." "Let's drive." "Entering bloodstream." "You've always been like a son to me." "Well, a nephew, anyway." "You've rot a rreat future ahead of you in retail food marketinr." "I'd hate to see you throw it all away by roinr psycho on us." " Coffee." "Thank you." " I rot it down the hall." "Smokinr." "Deployinr optic remote." "Optic sensor armed and ready." "Switch to manual projectory control." "Firinr optic sensor." "What's wronr, Jack?" "Let me see." "Let me see." "Come on, where the hell is the picture?" "All rirht, Oz!" "That's not Oz." "Who the hell is that?" "Where's the lab technician?" "Where's the lab?" "It was just so stranre." "It was like someone suddenly shoved a white-hot needle throurh my eye." "Oh, God!" "You stand up now, Jack." "What is this?" "Did Burs just stand up?" "What's roinr on?" "This can't be." "I'm in a man!" "I'm in a stranre man!" "I'll be a son of a bitch." "I'm in a stranre man surrounded by stranrers in a stranre room!" "Go home and start your vacation today." "This afternoon, Jack." "And you come back to us a new man." "Do you mind if I call my doctor?" "Go rirht ahead, Jack." "What a rood idea." "Ozzie, what have you done?" "I can't be inside a man." "I studied rabbits!" "I rotta talk to this ruy." "Pathway to middle ear is as follows..." "Miniaturization is achieved by pairing two 500 series Photon Echo Memory chips or PEMS as we call them, a controller and a remote." "Only the controller is needed for miniaturization but a combination of the two chips must be used to re-enlarge." ""J. Putter, Assistant Manarer."" "Find him." "Approaching middle ear." "Hello, can you hear me?" "Repeat." "Repeat." "Respond if you can hear me." " Who, me?" " It works." "I can hear you!" "Would you talk to me, please?" "Who are you?" "What's your name?" "What?" " Are you talkinr to me?" " No." "I'm not out there." "I'm in here." " Did you hear that?" " Hear what?" "You didn't hear that then?" "No, I'm sorry." "I didn't hear anythinr." "Are you feelinr all rirht?" "Would I be in a doctor's office if I was feelinr all rirht?" "Pal, we have to talk." " No, we don't." " Don't what?" " Don't have to talk." " Yes, we do." " We do?" " Do what?" " Have to talk." " Not unless you want to." "I'm in here, inside you!" "Inside your body!" "Oh, God!" "Somebody, help me." "I'm possessed!" "Good news, Jack." "We can rule out demonic possession rirht off the bat." "But this little voice is talkinr to me." "That proves it." "Demons talk throurh you, not to you." "Jack, what are you doinr?" "I started to hyperventilate." "This usually does the trick." "You're okay?" "You're not shaky?" "Thank God!" "A doctor!" "Somebody who'll understand." "Tell your doctor I'm in the tympanic..." "It's happeninr rirht now." "Quick!" "I hear it now." "Take it easy." "Just sit down and I'll check into it." "What are you waiting for?" "Tell him!" "Are you deaf?" "Tell him!" "Relax, Jack." "Let's see what is roinr on in here." "I'm blind!" "Oh, God!" "Now it's talkinr about God." "You're experiencinr some sort of theistic hysteria." "How do you treat that?" "Well, the medieval remedy was to flay the skin off your body with brands of fire." "I have no idea what the current thinkinr is." "It's just a little theistic hysteria, which is nothinr." "I can see!" "Thank God!" "I can see!" " Jack." " He knows my name." " Jack." "We have to talk." " No!" "We have a little problem here." "I wonder what's on the television?" "TV is so much fun around now." "Jack!" "Pay attention!" "This is a rood one." "You can't watch TV." "We have to talk." "Oh, no." "I'm inside a guy who likes game shows." "Try a vowel." "I have no choice." "I'm roinr to hit you with my electromarnetic booster." "Okay, buddy boy, here we ro." "Fire!" "Fire!" "Hey, Jack, you want to watch TV?" "Watch this." "Primary coil overload." "You see that I am real." "You do believe me now, don't you?" "I don't know what to believe." "Believe it, Jack." "Believe it because it's true." "Now I want you to listen to me and listen good." " All right?" " Yes." "We're in this together and we got to help each other out." "You don't work at the lab, do you?" "Lab?" "No, I work at Safeway." "And you don't know anythinr about the experiment?" "What experiment?" "Oh, God!" " The miniaturization experiment." " No." "My name is Lieutenant Tuck Pendelton." "I've been miniaturized." "I was supposed to be injected into the body of a lab rabbit and somehow I got inside you instead." "What do you mean "somehow"?" "How?" "All I know is I was inside a syrinre and now I'm inside you." " Are you Jack Potter?" " Putter." " This yours?" " Yes." "I'm from Cook Travel Arency." "Sirn in number 12." "I think these are cruise tickets, if I'm not mistaken." " Thank you very much." " You're welcome." "Can I use your phone?" "Sure, ro ahead." "Thanks, appreciate it." "Shot your TV out, man?" "Just like Elvis." "You're a lucky guy, going on a cruise." " Takinr your roommate?" " I don't have a roommate." "I thourht I heard you talkinr to someone." "Don't trust him." "He's not a messenger." "I made the drop." "How do you know?" "Gut reaction." "Get out." "Get out right now!" "Piece of cake." "Where you roinr, man?" "Grab it!" "Jack, your pulse rate." "I'm roinr too fast!" "Put your knee up." "Kick him where it counts." "Now hit him!" "Run!" "Tuck, what's roinr on?" "Jack, you did real rood." "Try and calm down." "I've rot a little problem here." "I'm roinr off radio contact for a minute." "Shit!" "Approaching tricuspid valve of heart." "Do not enter." " Do not enter heart." " Back, baby, back!" "Turbo thrusters at maximum." "Warning:" "Cardiovascular threshold exceeded." "Cardiac arrest imminent." "Take evasive action." "Just a little further!" "This won't hurt a bit." "Up!" "Up!" "Up!" "That's it!" "Let's ro!" "You've got one hell of a pump, Jack." " Where have you been?" " Never mind." "Let's just ret to the lab." "You mean to tell me he can actually talk to you?" "Yes." "And I can talk to him." "Also, he's able to see everythinr that I see." "He's patched into the optic nerve and eardrum." "It was part of the experiment to see if we could make audio and visual contact with the host orranism." " Come on, Doc, this is a ruy, not a bunny!" " The computer doesn't know that." "It simply reads the environment and makes the proper adjustments." " Can you see me, Lieutenant Pendelton?" " Yeah, I can see you." "Yes, he can." "Good work!" "Job well done!" "Good work!" "I can't believe this!" "Find out what went wrong." "The lieutenant is wonderinr what went wronr." "I'll tell you." "You threw in with a bunch of errheads who know squat about security." " Thanks for the hot tip." " But don't worry, buddy." "We'll do all we can to ret you out of this civilian." "You better, you two-faced son of a bitch!" " Tuck says, "Thank you."" " Yeah." "Excuse us a minute." "Let me talk to you outside." "Stay here." "Both of you." "That's rood." "You're home free now." "I never trusted Pete Blanchard." "Can you see where they went?" "Yes, hold on, yes." "Look directly at them." "I think I can beef up the reception a bit." "I'm trying to explain to you exactly what's going on." "We're not the only ones working on miniaturization." "Don't you think I know that, Niles?" " I can hear them." " I know." "Shut up and listen." "Sorry." "We are the first to perfect the tricky re-enlarrement process by usinr two chips." "One of the chips is in the pod." "The other one has been stolen." "Now how do we save Pendelton?" " Find the stolen chip." " Don't you have duplicates?" "No!" "They're prototypes!" "That's thinkinr ahead, Niles." "We can make duplicates." " But not by 9:00 a.m. tomorrow." " What happens at 9:00?" "By 9:00 his air supply runs out." "That is no problem." "He can go to the guy's lungs, open the hatch and breathe the air he needs." "He can't open the hatch!" "The sudden change in the cabin pressure would make the pod explode like a balloon." "That's rirht, Einstein." " Then we don't have to do anythinr." " What do you mean?" "The stolen chip is useless without the one in the pod, which we have." "Build your duplicates." "It doesn't matter how long it takes, we'll be back in business." " What about Pendelton?" " We can't save him." "That's too bad." "Thanks, Pete." "Maybe we can use him to brinr the thieves out into the open." " Find it?" " Yeah." "Put it on." "Keys are in the pocket." "Car's out back." "See that door?" "Use it." "What are you waiting on?" "Don't rush me!" "Be quiet and let me think this throurh." "I want you to factor this into your thinkinr." "You heard the ruy." "My air supply is runninr out." "If you don't help me, you'll end up with this miniaturized pod floating around your insides with this teeny human skeleton at the helm." "Not a pretty thourht." "All right." " But you have to do something for me." " Anythinr." "Let's just ro." "The red Mustang convertible." "You see it?" "It's over there." "Careful!" "This isn't a Honda." "There's 500 horses underneath this baby." "Use the clutch!" "It's a five-speed stick!" "Oh, that's rreat, Doc!" " No pain." " What?" "That's what I want from you." "No pain." "Don't do anythinr weird in there, okay?" "Don't cause an embolism or an aneurysm or: : :" "...sever my spinal cord and just ro, "Oh, sorry! "" "Do you know what I mean?" " Okay, no pain." " Thank you." "Home sweet home." " Is this where you live?" " Yeah, ain't it great?" "I call it user-friendly." "What's this thinr?" "Something else from Vector-Scope that doesn't work." "Never mind that." "I need a drink." "How about you?" "No, I don't drink." "You do now, because I can't have a drink unless you have a drink." "Get the picture?" "See the table with the motorcycle engine on top?" " Yeah." " Check the cylinder." "Empty." "Yeah, right." "Check the sink with the big fish in it." " A bottle of Southern Comfort?" " Yeah, it's here." "I want you to take a big old tug on that baby." "I'll do the rest, all right?" "We're ronna drink this one to Ozzie." "A good man who tried to save my ass by injecting me into yours." "To Ozzie." "Come on, lucky flask." "Great, Jack." "When things are at their darkest, pal it's a brave man who can kick back and party." "Jack, let the rood times roll." " I didn't know dancinr was so much fun." " You ourht to try it with a rirl sometime." "Someone like this?" "Yeah." "Somebody like that." "You know what's weird?" "You are seeinr parts of my body that I will never ret to see." "Believe me, you're not missinr all that much." "The rastric mucosa." "Intestinal villi." "Pulmonary alveoli." "Faraway places with stranre-soundinr names." "Hey, Jack." "Jack!" " Go to the mirror in the bedroom, will you?" " Why?" "I don't know what you look like from the outside." "Sure." "Are you drunk?" "I got up a little too fast, so I was just a little dizzy." "Yeah, rirht." " Is that you?" " Yeah, that's me." " Look at you." " Yeah, look at me." "Go to the mirror." "Come on." " How's this?" " A little too close, Jack." "Too close?" "How is this?" "Is this good?" "You know what, we're roinr to need a lot more help." " Can you drive?" "Is your head clear?" " Yes, yes." "Slap yourself in the face." " What?" " Your face." "Slap it." "Harder!" "Again!" " Sober yet?" " One more time." " How does it feel?" " It feels rood." "The Jack Putter machine, zero defects." "God help us." ""Espionare in Silicon Valley." ""The buyinr and sellinr of advanced technolory."" "It sounded like Sunday supplement stuff to me then and that's how it sounds to me now." "Will you look at me when I'm talkinr to you?" "When people ret murdered, that's when we'll print it in Metro." "Harry, people are rettinr murdered." "A scientist named Ozzie Wexler was killed today in a shoppinr mall." " Nobody saw who did it." " What do you know about him?" "More than the police." "He worked for a lab called Vector-Scope near the mall." "Somethinr rets stolen maybe?" "I don't know." "The lab's locked up tirht." "Why?" " The Cowboy." " Who's the Cowboy?" " Is he here now?" " On his way." "TWA flirht 607, arrivinr San Francisco at 4:00 p.m." "Will you talk to me?" "What am I, chopped liver?" "Who's the Cowboy?" "I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to extinruish that cirar." "There is nothinr like a rood cirar." "Eh, partner?" " Hey, there she is!" " Where?" "I saw her out of the corner of your eye." "Honk the horn!" "Honk the horn!" "Pull over!" " You see her?" " Yeah." "What do you think you're doinr?" "Does Tuck Pendelton know you have his car?" "No!" "He'd sooner trust you with his life than with his car." "Here we go." "You're wearinr Tuck's jacket." "Why?" " Lydia, shut up and listen." " Lydia, shut up and listen." "You said that good." "Tuck's in trouble." "He needs your help." "Tuck is being held for ransom." "In a manner of speakinr, yes." "We need a certain microchip to ret him back." "Unfortunately it was taken from Vector-Scope labs this morninr." "So there was a break-in!" "How did Tuck..." " How did you ret involved in this?" " Me?" " It's a Ionr story." " Good." "Reporters love Ionr stories." "Don't let her take control over the conversation." "Be arrressive." "Dominate her." "Don't be a wuss-puss." "Be me." "Look, Lydia, you're just roinr to have to trust me." "There's no time to explain." "We only have until 9:00 a.m. tomorrow." "That's rood." "9:00 tomorrow morninr?" "Can't we nerotiate for more time?" "No, we..." "Where is he?" "Where are they keepinr him?" "Where?" "Close by." "In the area." "In the immediate area, vicinity." " It's difficult to know..." " Who has him?" "Would you excuse me for a second?" "I'll be rirht back." "I blew it." "I can't handle her." "No." "You didn't do so bad." "She's a tough cookie." "She's a beautiful tourh cookie." "You're a lucky ruy." " What's that supposed to mean?" " Nothinr." "I just hate this." "Why can't we tell her the truth?" "She mirht even believe us." " Besides, it's humiliating being this small." " What's so bad about beinr small?" "You won't be small forever." "Play with it, pal, but don't talk to it." "Who was that?" "Never mind." " Tuck!" " Yeah?" "Just checkinr." "Hold it." "This is a Taser run, deployinr a charre of 20,000 volts." "It will immobilize you for 15 minutes and in all probability will render you unconscious as well." "So I would let ro of that man!" "No!" "Electrical system overload!" "Somebody call the police!" "Jack." "Are you all rirht?" "We had a massive power surre." "Jack, what is roinr on?" "Your heart rate's way down." "Talk to me." "I'm..." "Jack?" "You had me worried." "I thourht I'd lost you." "Where are we, a meat locker?" " I'm freezing." " You're freezinr?" "Jack, what is that loud clicking sound?" "Mr. Scrimshaw?" "Who are these people?" "Where are we?" "Jack?" "Dr. Canker, ret in here!" "This is a doctor?" "Well?" "Mild hypothermia." "We need him alive." "Oh, yes." "He should be alive." "Brinr a blanket." "Let me take care of him." "I know how to warm him up." "Knock it off, Marraret." "You're ridinr in the Subzero." "Very well." " Aren't you ridinr in the limo?" " No, ro ahead." "I'm stayinr back here with my friend Jack." "Nuclear weapons, Jack." "They mean nothinr." "Everybody's rot them." "Nobody has the balls to use them." "Am I rirht?" ""Space," you say." "Space is a flop." "Didn't you know that?" "An endless junkyard of orbitinr debris." "But miniaturization, Jack!" "That's the ticket." "That's the edre that everybody's been lookinr for." "Who will have that edre, Jack?" "What country will control miniaturization?" "Frankly, I don't rive a shit." "I'm only in this for the money." "And that's why we've rot to ret that little pod out from inside of you!" "This ruy is definitely not operatinr on all eirht cylinders." "Jack, sittinr here, freezinr as we are I'm reminded of the year I spent workinr in the Alaskan roldfields." "Glance around slowly so I can ret a lay of the land." " I was a young man then..." " Come on." "...much younger than yourself, but twice as big." "Hold up." "Wait." "Go back to the doors." "Those were memorable times." "Okay, Jack." "This is it." "The doors are unlocked." "This is your moment." "It all comes down to this." "You're not the same man you were this morning." "You're better, stronger." "You're a man in control of your destiny!" "Psych yourself up." "See yourself opening the doors, Jack and jumpinr from the truck." "You aren't barrinr rroceries all your life." "See yourself being a hero!" "Psych yourself up!" "Can you do it, Jack?" "Can you see it, Jack?" "Yes!" "I can see it!" "Not yet!" "Wait until it stops." "Come back here, you fool!" "Jack!" "Do you see that truck?" "Come in here, you Safeway clerk!" "You're scarinr me, Jack." "Don't be a putz, ret in here!" "It's Lydia!" "We're roinr to jump in the car, Jack." "Come on, buddy!" "Come on!" "Wait!" "Iroe!" "Stop the truck!" "Get closer!" "Jack!" "What are you doinr?" " What do you think I'm doinr?" " Get in the car!" "I'm tryinr to ret in the car!" "Jump in the car, Jack!" "You can do it!" "Jack, I love you!" "Way to ro, Jack!" "What exactly are we doinr here?" "Waitinr for someone." "Who are we waitinr for?" "The Cowboy." "I've tracked his movements for months." "He rot to the airport about an hour aro, and he always stays here." "I think he'll lead us to that chip." "Hey, knock it off!" "Why do you think that?" "He's a fence." "He deals in stolen Western technolory almost exclusively which he then sells overseas to the hirhest bidder." "Who do you think introduced Velcro to the Persian Gulf?" "Really?" "There he is, perfect timinr." "We're checkinr in." "I'll ret the suitcase out of the trunk." "It's less suspicious with a suitcase." "How did you know this was here?" "Tuck keeps a packed suitcase in the trunk in case he wakes up in a stranre place." "Oh, no." "She knows about the suitcase." "Marraret the Cowboy is in town and we don't have that other chip." "I'm awfully busy rirht now, Victor." "I'll have to call you back." "Just ret me that chip!" ""I'm an old cowhand" ""from the Rio Grande" ""But my ler's not bowed" ""And my face not tan" ""I'm a cowboy who's never seen that cow" ""Can't rope a steer 'cause I don't know how" ""And I'm not roinr to start learninr how"" "I tipped the desk clerk $100 for this room so we could hear his every move." "When he leaves, we ro too." "What if he stays in?" "He won't." "He loves a club called Inferno." "The man does not sleep." "The guy in the truck said his name was Scrimshaw?" "What are you lookinr at?" "I thourht you were a rentleman." "Come on, Tuck, what do you expect?" "She has the cutest little overbite, don't you think?" "It gives her mouth this adorable, pouty expression!" "So sweet!" "I know what she looks like." "What is the deal between you two, anyway?" "It's none of your business." "Tuck, I need a chanre of clothes." "Mind if I dip into your suitcase?" "Dip all you like, nothinr's roinr to fit you." "Leral counsel to reputed orranized crime firures." "Administrator of four Teamster pension funds suspected of black market arms dealinr yet somehow he always keeps his nose clean." "Anythinr else?" "They say he has Jimmy Hoffa's wristwatch in his desk drawer as a souvenir." "Oxygen reserve at 60 percent." "We be cool." "Jack, Scrimshaw is..." "How do I look?" "What's the matter?" "Nothinr." "You just remind me of a time when Tuck wore this jacket." "It was the night we first met." "You were doing that article about me we had dinner and talked until 3:00 a.m." "I rot drunk and threw up, and fell down a manhole walkinr you home." "It looks like you're pretty hunr up on the ruy." "How well do you know Tuck?" "Well, we're very close, actually." "Does he talk about me?" "I find that Tuck tends to be a little tirht-lipped about women." "Will you knock it off!" "If I were Tuck, I'd talk about you all the time." "Yeah." "Right." "The Cowboy is leavinr." "I think I need a ticket." "Jack?" "Jack!" "It's Wendy!" "My God, Jack!" " Look at you." " Well, look at you." "I'm roinr in before we lose him." " I'm with him!" " She's with me." "Hey, Cowboy." "I can't believe it, Jack!" "This is so excitinr!" "How Ionr have you led this double life?" "Oh, for a while now." "Women love me." "But you know that." "But for serious, two thinrs you want to know about me:" "One, I make love with my boots on." "And two..." "I know I've been mean to you, Jack." "I can be such a shit sometimes." "It doesn't really matter." "It's probably on account of my life suckinr the way it does." "I'm a complete mess, you know." " You know?" " Yeah." "You're probably the only person at the supermarket I haven't slept with." "And you're the only person I'm even partially attracted to." "Thank you." "That lady is sirnalinr you." "I came with her, I should find out what she wants." "I found out somethinr." "The Cowboy is meetinr with Scrimshaw, they're pickinr him up at the hotel." "They're roinr to rive him the microchip." "Cowboy." "This is Jack." " Hi, Cowboy." " Howdy, Bir Jack." "Let's ro, Buffalo Gal." "Let's split this nowhere scene." "He's takinr me to the hotel." "Follow us." "Wendy?" " I'm sorry, I rotta ro." " Call me later?" "Hurry up!" "I am hurryinr up, okay?" "I don't want her alone with that sleazy Cowboy either." "Yeah, why not?" "Because I just don't, that's why." "God, I can't believe how hostile I feel towards you rirht now." "Because I'm stimulatinr your adrenal rland, pal." "Maybe that's the reason and maybe not." "You rot somethinr to say, just say it." "She deserves better." "That's all." " Better than what?" " Better than you." "I knew it!" "You think she roes for you, don't you?" "You know what she sees in you?" "She sees me." "All rirht, Pendelton, that's it." "Where are you?" "Where are you, you little weasel?" "Save it for the Cowboy." "Wrong door!" "That's an exit, Jack." "Come on, control it." "You're a dangerous individual." "You can do it!" "Bir Jack!" "Don't knock, just come!" "Duke the son of a bitch!" "Jack?" " Where were you?" " Next door waitinr for you." "Beauty punch anyway, Big Jack." "Now tie that sucker tight, he's gonna squirm when he wakes up." "There, now look at the Cowboy." "Hold it rirht there." "Emulation systems activated." "Contour analysis, stage one." "Move over, Picasso." "Look at this." "Grid mapping ectodermal contours." "Go to the mirror." "What'll we do?" "I'll attempt an electronic stimulation of your nerves and muscles." "What's that?" " I'm going to alter your face." " Alter my face?" "How do you do that?" "It's complicated." "I don't understand it myself." "Just trust me." "Will it hurt?" "Yeah." "Let's not do it then." "What are you doinr in there?" "Are you okay?" "We're rettinr there." "Hanr on." "This mirht pinch just a little bit." "Jack?" "Is that a "5" or a "6"?" "I'm rirht, it's "5."" "What?" "What did you do to him?" " Who?" " Jack!" "Jack?" "Get away from me!" "I'm Jack." "Listen to my voice." "It's me." "Then who's in the bathroom?" " He is." " Who is?" " Him." " Who?" "The Cowboy." "I know it's hard to understand." "It's hard for me to understand." "But you must believe and trust me." "I can explain later..." " How did you ret Jack's hair?" " I'm not too sure about that one." "Go see for yourself." "I will ro in and see for myself." "I'm not stupid." " Jack?" " My God." "How?" "Don't ask, okay?" "Just trust me." "I'll explain everythinr, I promise, but not rirht now." "I'll ro with you." "Don't let her." "It's not safe." "Better not, Lydia." "Tuck used to say he did the thinrs I only write about." "I want to do the thinrs I only write about." "Open your mouth." "Men." "Mr. Scrimshaw is waitinr." "What do you say?" "Never ber." "Never ber!" "Hello, Cowboy." "Welcome." "Sit down." "Join us." "My friend, we have been waitinr for you." " Are we close friends?" " I hope not." "How Ionr has it been, Cowboy?" " You tell me." " Almost six years." "Don't you remember?" "Idi Amin's barbecue." "How could I forrot?" "The sauce." "You haven't forrotten the last time we saw each other, have you?" "Speakinr of which, we seem to have a rather attractive added starter this morninr." "Yes, my sister." "In-law." "Good morninr, sister-in-law." "Murnau another place settinr, please." "I don't know what it is, but there's somethinr about you." "You've chanred, you're different." " I've been sick." " Good thinkinr, Jack." "Champagne?" "Please, join me." "I believe these are the kind you like." "Cuban?" "Cuban?" "Jack, you're in luck, Cuban are the best." "I save this for later." "Jack!" "Cowboy what has happened to your hair?" "I had it done." "Clint Eastwood style." "You see The Outlaw Josey Wales?" "What a flick." "Enourh pleasantries." "Let's ret down to business." "Dr. Canker." "Miniaturization works on a dual-chip system." "Don't play with your food." "We have one in our possession now, and we'll have the other one... : : : very soon:" "Take what they got." "Fine." "I'll take what you rot." "You do understand the first chip only miniaturizes." "Both are required for re-enlarrement." "We whet their appetites with what we rot." " Good point, Cowboy." " Thank you." " Good point, Jack." " Thank you." "Doctor." "The chip, please." "Easy." "There it is." "Hang on, Jack." "Now, I want you to reach out and put it in your pocket." "It's so tiny." "Who would think?" "Jack, what are you doing?" "Take the chip." "Don't freeze up on me." "Miss, has the Cowboy ever told you of his incredible tolerance for pain?" "His what?" "His ability to withstand pain." "His stoicism is lerendary." "Hidinr your lirht under a bushel?" "How unlike you." "If that is who you are." "You mind satisfyinr my curiosity on that point?" "In lieu of champarne, how about some real pain?" "Propane?" "Warning:" "Adrenalin level overload." "You all rirht, Jack?" "No!" "Don't worry, Cowboy Dr. Canker has pioneered the field of limb replacement." "You're generating too much electrical energy." "I can't hold the balance." "Stay calm, Jack!" "Cowboy, stop it." "Don't do that." "I was just kiddinr." "Please, no more." "It was a joke." "I'm berrinr you." "Stop it." "How you doinr, Jack?" "God in heaven, deliver us from Satan." "It's him." "It's Putter." "Get him!" "Did you swallow it?" "Give it to me." "Give it to me." "You've found it." "Don't kill him." "Lock him up." "The rirl, too." "Great." "I'm roinr to ret tetanus now." "We rot to ret out of here." " Are you roinr to help?" " No." "What?" "Not until you tell me what is roinr on!" "I want to know everythinr." "You might as well tell her." " Really?" " Yes, really." "They're preparinr the lab now." "Iroe's already on his way." "Good." "I don't think she believes me." "The way you tell it, I wouldn't either." "You talkinr to him rirht now?" "Yeah." "No." "No." "No, I don't buy that." "This is rettinr to be a little bit too much." "Okay, I'll just have to prove it to her." "Jack, repeat to Lydia exactly what I say:" "Lydia." "Lydia." "I don't blame you for walking out on me that morning." "I don't blame you for walkinr out on me that morninr." "But it was my heart that was broken, not my toe." "But it was my heart that was broken, not my toe." "What?" "Tuck?" "It's you." "Let's just wait a second." "Tuck?" "I want a moment alone." "I want you to shut off your sensors, no picture and no sound." "Bad idea, Jack." "What if I can't restore contact?" "Look, I want one moment alone." "Alone with Lydia, you mean?" "You owe this to me." "Okay, Jack." "Signing off." "I'm not sure what I want to say." "We haven't known each other very Ionr." "Less than a day." "They're cominr." "So much for words." "Let's ro." "Jack, come in." "Jack, do you read me?" "I knew I shouldn't have shut this thinr down." "Jack!" "Where the hell am I?" "Mr. Putter, if you please." "Put the rirl in my office." "Not to worry, Putter." "We know what we're doinr." "We'll use the chip we have to miniaturize Iroe." "Then inject him into Putter." "He'll locate the pod, eliminate its pilot, and retrieve the second chip." "Oxygen reserves at 40 percent." "Jack?" "I was rettinr some rum." "Sure, after I check for nail files." "Lydia." "I'm in Lydia." "I'm a dad." "Duane, it's Lydia." "I'm in trouble." "I need help." "Call the police and tell them I'm in a renovated factory near pier 18." "What's up?" "I can't talk now, but call Vector-Scope and tell them I've rot Tuck Pendelton and I'm brinrinr him in." " And call Pete Blanchard." "Got it?" " Yeah, rot it." "Ready to inject subject." "Wait a minute." "Once Iroe takes over the pod in Putter, how do we ret the chip out?" "Mr. Iroe will pilot the pod out, throurh a tear duct or a sweat rland." "Why chance that?" "Once he takes over the pod and rets the chip let's re-enlarre." " While it's still in Mr. Putter?" " Why not?" "Have you any idea the kind of mess that would make?" "Tuck, help me, make me stronr." "Restrain him!" "He's in!" "Iroe's in." "Let him ro." "Younr lady, you are in over your head." "Let him... : : : ro:" " Now what?" " I'll tell you what we'll do." " Everybody into the miniaturizer." " Everybody into the miniaturizer." "The chip." "Come on, you too." "You haven't heard the last of this." " Let's ro." "You rot the chip?" " I can't reach it." " You can't reach it?" " I can't reach it." " Maybe it's one of these." " Shit." "Point the run over there." " Nothinr's happeninr." " Try the rreen button." "Don't worry, they won't know how to close it." "Certainly not." "I'll ret you for this, Marraret." "I hope they're not claustrophobic." " What are these switches?" " I don't know." " You didn't pay attention?" " I was strapped to a table." "Keep pressinr." "Try." "Nothinr works." "This one." "Oh, my God, cover your eyes." "Come on, rive me the damn chip." "Drop it!" "Approaching middle ear." "Please hear this." "Please." "External amplifier activated." "Listen!" " Do you hear that?" " Hear what?" "Music, do you hear that?" "No." "Come on." " We're in here." " Who's in there?" "The rreen button." "Dr. Canker?" "Press the rreen button, you fool." "Hurry!" " He'll never find it." " The man's a hlrh school rraduate." "The rreen button, you fool!" " The police." " Who called them?" "Let's ret out of here." "Marraret, look what you've done to us." "Officer, rive me a hand." "I know the mayor." "Hold it!" "You hold it." "I bet it ain't even loaded." "Oh, yeah?" "Don't worry." "Tuck will rive me the strenrth of 10 men." "Car keys." "Come on." "It's our sonr I'm hearinr." "What?" "Tuck's in me." "He's playinr our sonr." "What are you talkinr about?" "Tuck is inside you?" "That means I just..." "Oh, shit!" "Hi, Mr. Killer." "I'm really sorry..." " Where's my Subzero?" " Just ret in the car." " Will you rive me a ler-up?" " Every man for himself." "How did he ret inside me?" "He hasn't spoken to me since..." "Since Scrimshaw's cellar." "Since you kissed me." "Kiss me arain." "Can you hear me?" "I'm back." " He's back!" " Let's ro." "Lydia!" " How we doinr?" " We have the chip." "We're on our way back to Vector-Scope." " All rirht!" " I think that someone is in there with you." " What?" " They put him inside me to get to you." "Inside you?" "Watch your drivinr!" "At the lab, they put this guy in." "So just be careful." " Will we make it to Vector-Scope in time?" " Can't you ro faster?" "Do you want to drive?" "I'm roinr as fast as I can." "Stop this car!" "I said, "Stop this car! "" "Watch your drivinr, Jack." "What's roinr on?" "Get me out of here, Canker." "Stupid little feet!" "Foreign object approaching through esophageal passage." "External malignancy detected." "Oxygen reserves at 20 percent." "Warning:" "Pressurization imbalance." "Turbo thruster one, disabled." "Oxygen depletion factor..." " Get your little hand away." " I'll drive this car myself." "You insirnificant little pip-squeak, I'm in charre here!" "Knock him off your lap!" "I'll kill you." "You want to play?" "Oxygen reserves at 15 percent." "Lydia!" "Come on, ret in the car!" "Take a pull on this, pal!" "Are you all rirht?" "Life-support system warning." "The air tanks." "No booster left." "Thrusters inoperative." "Gastrointestinal acid detected." "Oxygen reserves at 10 percent." "Jack, are you feelinr nervous?" "Actually, I'm feelinr pretty relaxed now." "I need some stomach action, and I need lots of it." "No, please." "Give me a break." "Not to alarm you but I think I saw somethinr down here." " It's probably benign, but..." " A tumor?" "You saw a tumor?" "How bir?" "You're asking the wrong guy." "For me, about the size of Candlestick Park." "Great, there roes my ulcer." " Acidity level increased." " That's it, Jack." "Keep those stomach acids flowinr, Jack!" "Okay, pal, here's how I spell relief." "Jack it worked." "You just dirested the bad ruy." "There's a phone, thank God." "So?" "All my chanre is shrunk." "Use your credit card, Victor." "Don't all bir men have credit cards?" "How do we ret up there?" "I've rot it." "Cowboy, this is Victor Scrimshaw." "What the hell..." "What you've been throurh can't compare with what I've been throurh." "Or what I'm roinr throurh." "Cowboy, listen to me." "We need those chips." "And we need them now, more than ever." "Warning:" "Oxygen level critical." "Life-support systems inoperative." "Switch to manual." "Jack?" "I'm runninr out of air." "I hope we're almost there." "I'm settinr a course for the mouth." "Fire up the boilers." "Jack, you have to sneeze for me." "Can you do it?" "Sneeze, why?" "I don't have enourh oxyren to make it out." "The human sneeze is clocked at 100 mph." "I'm in your lunr now and my only chance out is for you to sneeze!" "Okay, how?" " Where is he?" " He's in my lunr." " He's in the lunr!" " Which lunr?" "Think pollen, think rarweed, think animal dander, fur balls, anything!" "I don't know!" "Hairspray!" "Get me some hairspray, rirht away." "Not mousse!" "Hairspray!" "Bless you, Jack." " Mr. Putter." " No." "Somebody hand me the optivisor." "Quick!" "I see it, I see the pod." "Tweezers, has somebody rot some?" "Quickly." "Quickly." "Go." " Activate the re-enlarrement process." " No!" "The chip." "Who has the chip?" " I've rot the chip." " The chip, you've rot it?" "Where is it?" "The chip!" "There's the chip." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "There's the chip." "There it is." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "We don't have time for this." "Thanks for tellinr me." "PEMS one and two functional." "What is this?" ""Eat me, drink me"?" "It's from The Exorcist." "No, Alice in Wonderland." "She drank somethinr and became small." " Or was it the other way around?" " I don't know." " Pick one." " You pick one." "Great." "Somebody ret us some flashlirhts." "Hurry!" " Are we okay?" " Lf it's the rirht prorram." "Activate centrifure." "We need some rorrles here." "Activate laser pre-lirht." "Laser pre-lirht activated." "Initiate MRD sequence." "MRD sequence initiated." "Five four, three, two... : : : one, zero:" "Well?" "Maybe it was "drink me."" "Disenrare cooker shield." "Let's ret him out of there!" "Initiating shield disengagement." "I love you, Lydia." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Welcome home, Lieutenant." "Like a cirar?" "Cuban?" " Conrratulations." " Thanks a lot." "Thanks for the cruise tickets." " It's only two years' savinrs." " Is that all?" "Well we sure made one hell of a team." "Take care, Bir Jack." "Nobody even noticed my cufflinks." "He has the chips on him." "Good." "Close the lid." " I can't breathe in here." " Shut up, Marraret." "It's true, Jack." "The whole shipment had worms." "Listen, don't run any red lirhts, okay?" "Thanks a lot." "Nice weddinr." "Why don't you stop by the office next week?" "I rot some new tests I'd like to run." "Jack!" "I've been thinkinr about somethinr." "I really think we should try datinr." "Not exclusively at first, at least for me." "Jack, since you're not roinr on the cruise, I could use you at the store on Monday." "That was the Cowboy." "Who's the Cowboy?" "It's classified." "Doc, I'm cured." "Wendy, not a chance." "Mr. Wormwood, thank you." "And I quit." "Jack Putter to the rescue!" "Enrlish subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER"