"How you doing, Fred?" "Well, I got the unit installed over at our house." "Now it's just a matter of connecting this and the one up in little Ricky's room and the intercom's all set." "Fred, are you sure you know what you're doing with all those little wires and things?" "Do I know what I'm doing?" "I'll have you know I'm the Thomas A. Edison of today." "Hmm-hmm." "Yeah, but do you know what you're doing?" "Look, name one time when I ever botched an electrical job." "All right." "How about the time you tried to rewire your kitchen and the whole East Side of New York was dark for 48 hours?" "Was it my fault that all that wiring was 20 years old?" "I'll bet you can't name another one." "All right." "How about the time you tried to fix our TV set and the picture tube exploded and burned a hole in the rug?" "And how about the time you..." "Do you want this thing set up or not?" "Yes, Fred, I'd love to have it set up." "I just want to make sure you know what you're doing." "That's all." "I know what I'm doing." "Okay." "All right." "Hi, sweetheart." "Hi, Mommy." "What's Uncle Fred doing?" "Oh, he's setting up an intercom system." "What's an intercom system?" "Well, it's kind of like a telephone." "See, Aunt Ethel has another gadget like that in her place, and she and Mommy can talk to each other." "Is it better than a telephone?" "It's cheaper." "Oh, is that good?" "Is that good?" "I'll have to have a talk with this lad." "What's that one for?" "Well, that's for your room, honey," "Oh, good." "I want to talk to Ethel." "Hi, Ethel!" "How are you, girl?" "Hello, there." "Uh, Ethel?" "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "What?" "When you want to talk to Ethel, just... turn that knob." "Oh." "Hello, Ethel!" "How are you?" "Hi, Ethel!" "Testing, one, two, three." "Testing, one two, three." "Hello, Lucy, is that you?" "Yeah." "Isn't this exciting?" "Yeah." "It's just like a telephone, only we can talk to each other whenever we want to and all we..." "That's the way to turn it off." "That's the best part of it." "Oh, now, Fred." "Hey, Ethel?" "Yeah?" "You want to do me some..." "You want to go out to the henhouse get a dozen fresh eggs and bring them over right away?" "Sure." "Thank you." "Now, when you get through talking, don't forget to turn it off." "Oh, okay." "Ricky, you almost ready for breakfast?" "In a few minutes, dear." "I'm getting out of the shower." "Okay." "Where do you want to put the speaker in Little Ricky's room?" "Well, on the nightstand, I guess, would be fine." "Okay." "Can I help, Uncle Fred?" "Sure, you can help, partner." "Come on." "Can I talk to outer space through this?" "Outer space?" "Well, I guess you can." "But they may not answer." "Oh, boy, I'm going to say hello to the moon." "Say hello to the moon?" "All right, come on." "We'll try it." "We'll say hello to everybody." "Get up there." "Hi." "Hi, dear." "I'll just put your eggs in the frigidaire." "Oh, don't bother, honey." "I've to take them over to Betty Ramsey's right away." "She's making a cake for the dinner tonight." "What dinner?" "Oh, she's having the neighbors over." "Oh, that's wonderful!" "Gee, my good dress is at the cleaners, but I think if I called them up, they'd deliver it in time for the dinner party." "Uh, Ethel..." "Huh?" "She's just having the Munsons and the Baileys and Ricky and me." "Oh?" "Well, you know, it's just the neighbors that live real close." "Oh, just the close ones, huh?" "Yeah." "I see." "The Baileys live four miles away and we live four feet away." "Oh, now, honey, there's no reason to feel funny about it." "She just doesn't know you very well." "Well, that's true." "People like the Ramseys don't hobnob much with us chicken pluckers." "Chicken pluckers?" "Oh, Ethel, for heaven's sake." "What a thing to say." "Now, look, we're all in the egg business together." "If you're chicken pluckers, we're chicken pluckers." "Then how come us chicken pluckers weren't invited to the dinner party?" "Well, she just doesn't know you chicken pluckers..." "I mean, she doesn't know you and Fred as well, that's all." "Now, look, honey, I'm sure when she gets to know you a little better she'll ask you to one of her parties." "I couldn't care less." "I wouldn't go to a party given by that snob if she begged me." "Oh, honey, now, you got Betty all wrong." "Here are the eggs for your friend." "And I hope her cake falls." "Oh, Ethel, for heaven's sake." "Oh..." "Hi, honey." "Morning, dear." "Oh, I see Fred connected the intercom, huh?" "Yeah." "How do you work it?" "Like this." "Oh." "He's putting one in Little Ricky's room now." "What's the matter with you?" "Oh, Ethel's all upset because they weren't asked to the Ramsey's dinner party tonight." "That's nothing to be upset about." "Well, that's what I told her, but it didn't do any good." "She still feels left out" "If I didn't know better," "I'd think she was jealous of my friendship with Betty Ramsey." "Oh, honey, that's ridiculous." "Well, I don't know." "You know what the trouble is." "It's hard for the Mertzes to meet people out here." "You know, you have your work, I have my PTA Club activities, but the Mertzes don't have any friends in the country." "We didn't have any friends in the city either." "Now turn off your switch." "Yeah." "Where is he?" "He just connected the speaker in Little Ricky's room." "Oh." "You know, with that thin' around, you gotta be careful what you say." "Yeah, that's right." "Honey, I feel so guilty about the Mertzes." "Well, it's not your fault, dear." "Well, yes, honey, in a way, it is." "You know, they wouldn't be living out here at all if it wasn't for us." "Well, everything will work out all right." "I don't know." "I have never seen Ethel so upset." "She acted like she'd lost her best friend." "Good grief!" "I guess she thinks she has." "Oh, now, honey, you're exaggerating." "No, I'm not." "You know, Betty and Ethel have only met once." "I'll bet if they got to know each other, they'd be friends." "Well, why don't you bring them together?" "That's a good idea." "I'm gonna have the two of them over here for lunch tomorrow." "Fine." "Then it's all settled." "Hmm." "Now, what'll I serve for lunch?" "How about breakfast?" "Who ever heard of serving breakfast for lunch?" "Oh, your breakfast!" "Yeah." "Oh, honey, yes, sir!" "Hi, Ethel." "Hello." "What's the big formal occasion inviting me to luncheon?" "Well, I thought it'd be fun to have a fancy girl-type luncheon, you know, like we used to have at Schrafts in New York." "Who else is coming?" "Lucy, what are you up to?" "What do you mean what am I up to?" "Now, don't tell me you've invited Betty Ramsey, the Elsa Maxwell of Westport, to lunch, too." "I gotta get the mints." "Now, Lucy..." "Oh, hi, Ethel!" "Hello." "Well, where's our hostess?" "She's in the kitchen." "Hi, Betty!" "Hi, dear." "How are you, dear?" "Wonderful." "How's Ralph?" "Fine." "He's still on the trip." "Oh, is he really?" "I didn't know that." "Listen, lunch is all ready, so why don't we sit down." "Oh, good." "I'm starved." "Sit right here, dear." "Thank you." "Right there, dear." "Oh, it looks wonderful, Lucy." "Good." "Lucy, I must tell you" "I love that dinner dress you had on last night." "Oh, well, thank you." "It's real old, but it's my favorite, so I just keep on wearing it and wearing it." "Oh, yes, I know." "I do the same thing." "I get a dinner dress I like and I wear it to death, too." "You're the same way, aren't you, dear?" "Oh, yes, every night when Fred and I have dinner in front of our TV set, I wear the same old flannel bathrobe." "Oh, she's a funny one." "You know, when you get to know Ethel better, you will find that she's more fun than a barrel of monkeys." "Monkeys that seldom get invited out of their barrel, that is." "There she goes again." "Oh, Lucy, I was so flattered." "Kay Bailey asked me for the recipe for my cake last night." "Did she?" "Yes, she did." "I told her the secret were your fresh eggs." "Oh, well, thank you." "You know, we're in the egg business together, so half of those belong to Ethel." "Isn't that right, dear?" "Yes, the shells." "That reminds me." "Did you notice my new eggshell-colored cushions?" "Yes, I saw them yesterday." "They're just right for that couch." "Oh, I'm glad you like them." "As a matter of fact, your house really looks lovely." "Just lovely." "Thanks to you." "Now that you've got it all fixed up, we'll have to have a housewarming party." "Mm, oh, I would love that!" "Oh, yeah, let's see." "We'll have, uh, the Baileys," "Bill and June Spear, the Munsons, the Parkers..." "And the Mertzes." "Oh, yes, and the Mertzes." "I'm afraid we can't make it." "Oh, that's a shame." "Now, dear, we haven't even set the date yet." "Oh, but we're booked up months ahead." "There's the, uh, Hired-Hands Convention and, uh, the Poultry Growers Annual Ball... and the Baby-Sitters Amalgamated..." "Dear, dear, dear... why don't we wait until we set the date." "I'm sure you'll be able to work something out." "Oh, yes, it'd be such fun." "I love parties." "I've loved parties since I was a little girl." "So have I." "And so have you, haven't you, dear?" "I haven't been to a party since I was a little girl." "Thank you." "I have sufficient." "Speaking of being a little girl, you should hear about the fascinating childhood that Ethel has had." "You know, she was raised on a ranch outside of Albuquerque, and I want to tell you..." "Albuquerque?" "Is that where you're from?" "Mm-hmm." "For heaven's sake, that's my hometown." "Oh, really?" "I was born there." "No kidding?" "I was born there, too." "Well, what a wonderful coincidence!" "Isn't it a small world?" "What was your name before it was Mertz?" "Potter?" "What was yours?" "Foster." "Not the Leslie Fosters?" "Leslie's my father." "Well, Will Potter is my father." "Oh, no!" "They belonged to the same lodge." "I'm from Jamestown." "Oh, my goodness, it certainly is a small world." "So you're Ethel Potter." "And you were Betty Foster." "I was Lucy McGillicuddy." "Oh, I remember, your family moved away when you were just a little girl." "Yes, that's right." "I was just nine years old." "Just nine years old." "I lived in Jamestown till I was 17." "Why didn't you tell me you were from Albuquerque?" "Me?" "Why didn't you mention you were from Albuquerque?" "Ethel Potter!" "Betty Foster!" "Lucy." "What?" "!" "Yes?" "Why don't you get Little Ethel Potter and me another cup of coffee?" "I tell you." "Oh, I should have known you were from Albuquerque." "You're so warm and friendly." "Uh, Betty, dear, uh, uh, Yes?" "I just love the way you did Lucy's house over for her." "Would you mind doing the same thing for me?" "Do my house over?" "Oh, you know I'd love it." "Where'd you go to school?" "Albuquerque Elementary." "So did I." "Strawberry shortcake, gooseberry pie" "V-i-c-t-o-r-y." "Will we win..." "Betty, it's Lucy." "Listen, I thought" "I'd like to browse around some of the local antique shops today." "Want to go with me?" "Oh." "Uh-huh." "Well, maybe some other time, then, dear." "Okay, bye." "What's the matter, can't she go?" "No, she's going into New York today." "What do you mean, you want $40 for a lamp?" "It's what I said." "We don't have a decent lamp to read by." "Listen, Ethel, if you want to read, you can read by firelight." "If it was good enough for Abraham Lincoln, it's good enough for you." "Oh, don't drag in your boyhood pals, Fred." "Hey, listen, you two, stop your arguing." "I'm on the intercom." "Who's arguing?" "This is the way we always talk." "Oh, Fred." "Listen, Ethel, you want to go antiquing with me today?" "Oh, I can't." "I'm going into New York with Betty to look at lamps and stuff." "Oh." "But thanks anyway." "Yeah." "What's the matter, honey?" "Betty and Ethel are going into New York together." "So what?" "So, yesterday they went to New Canaan to visit a mutual friend from Albuquerque." "Yeah." "The day before that," "Ethel took Betty to the market with her." "Ever since they had lunch here, they've been thick as thieves." "Well, you wanted them to be friends." "Yeah, I want them to be friends." "So everything is working out fine." "Yeah, everything is working out fine." "What's so hot all of a sudden about being born in Albuquerque?" "What?" "I could have been born there myself if my family hadn't lived in Jamestown." "Why, Lucy, I think you're jealous." "Jealous?" "Ha!" "You're acting jealous." "Not in the least." "Look, if a person brings her two best friends together so that they can become friends and those two friends become friends and then they choose to ignore the friend who brought them together in the first place, then those friends are no longer friends of mine." "Why, honey, you don't mean that." "I certainly do, too, and I don't care if I never speak to them again in my life!" "What's the matter now?" "My two best friends just went by arm in arm." "I still don't believe it." "I did, too." "I talked to the moon last night." "Did they answer?" "No, but maybe they will today." "Okay, let's try it." "You know, Ethel, maybe you could use a lamp like we have in our den." "I could bring it over tonight and see what it looks like." "And the next time we go into New York," "I could get you one just like it." "Oh, that'd be great!" "Would you tell me if you think" "I should wallpaper the halls?" "Sure." "Let's go look at it." "That isn't the moon That's my mommy." "Maybe your mommy's on the moon." "No, she's with your Aunt Ethel." "Got some cookies I'm hungry?" "Yeah." "Come on!" "Glad you liked the idea of the wallpaper." "But maybe I ought to ask Lucy what she thinks." "After all, she owns this house." "By the way, Ethel," "Lucy's been acting so strange lately." "If I didn't know better," "I'd think she was jealous of our friendship." "Oh, why should she be jealous?" "She's the one who brought us together." "Well, I just can't figure her out." "When you've known Lucy as long as I have, you won't try to figure her out." "Ethel, I have a little housewarming gift for you here." "A housewarming gift!" "Why, thanks." "But, uh, since Lucy's been acting so funny," "I don't think you ought to tell her I bought it for you." "Okay." "Go, ahead, open it." "What's that, Ethel?" "It's a housewarming gift." "But whatever you do, don't tell Lucy." "Oh, all right." "Well, I've got to run now." "Don't forget tonight, Ethel." "Don't worry, Betty, I won't." "Honey, I have been such a fool." "What do you mean, dear?" "Oh, you know, I was kind of upset about Betty and Ethel seeing so much of each other, but..." "Do you know what those two little dears been up to?" "What?" "They're giving us a surprise housewarming party tonight." "They are?" "Yeah." "How do you know?" "I just heard them on the intercom." "And, you know, they were looking at a housewarming gift for us, and Ethel told Fred not to tell me about it." "You see, honey, and you were jealous." "Jealous?" "Oh, What in the world are you talking about?" "How could I possibly be jealous of my two very best friends?" "Oh, honey." "Oh, jealous, never, never." "Honey, I-I still say that we're too dressed up." "They'll know that we're expecting them." "Now, honey, if I'm gonna be surprised," "I want to be surprised in my best dress." "Won't they be suspicious?" "We never dress like this when we spend an evening alone." "Well, how do they know?" "They're never with us when we spend an evening alone." "Well, there you got me." "Well, I don't know." "It's after 9:00." "Are you sure the party's tonight?" "Of course, dear." "Well, where are they?" "Well, they're probably gathering over at the Mertzes, you know, and they all want to come over together." "Oh." "What are you doing?" "Oh." "I was practicing looking surprised." "Oh." "I don't want to spoil their fun." "You ought to do it, too." "You ought to try it." "Go ahead." "Try it." "Try what?" "Try looking surprised." "Oh, honey, it's a surprise party, not a holdup." "Don't pop your eyes out like that." "I can't help it." "When I'm surprised, my eyes pop out." "Well, not so far, then." "You looked like you just stuck your finger in a light socket." "Come on, let's have a dress rehearsal at the door." "A dress rehearsal?" "Yeah." "We're gonna practice looking surprised, see?" "I'll go outside and rap, and then when I come in, you look surprised, see?" "Okay, let's try it." "This girl." "Surprise!" "Honey, that is not a look of surprise." "Yes, it is." "I'll be surprised if my ribs aren't broken." "Oh, now..." "Come on now, you go out." "Go ahead, honey." "Now you surprise me." "Come in." "Surprise!" "Surprise!" "I thought I was supposed to surprise you." "Well, honey, I'm sorry." "but, you know, sometimes the guests come in and hide while the people are out and then when they come home, they jump out and surprise them..." "I'll bet that's why they're not here." "They're waiting for us to got out so that they can come in here and hide." "Hey, you get our coats." "Where are you going?" "Just get our coats." "Ethel?" "Yeah?" "Ethel, dear, we're going into town for about 20 minutes." "Would, uh, you leave the intercom open so you can hear Little Ricky?" "Okay." "Okay, dear, remember we'll be back in 20 minutes." "Okay." "Gee, it's lucky you caught me." "I was just getting ready to go to bed." "Oh?" "Oh." "Uh-huh." "She's waiting for us to go out." "Well, we're home." "Yep, here we are." "So hang up my coat..." "Well, we're home." "Yep, here we are." "Dee-da dee-da-do" "It's so nice to be home..." "Want something to eat, dear?" "Yes, yes." "Okay." "Let's go in the kitchen, have something to eat." "Okay." "Well, you must have been wrong, honey." "I don't think anybody's giving us a party tonight." "Yes, they are, dear" " I heard them on the intercom." "Well, you must have misunderstood, honey." "They wouldn't wait this long if they were gonna give us a party." "Oh, now, they might." "You know, just to throw us off the track." "That Ethel's a sly one, you know." "She just might wait this long so it'd be so late that we'd just..." "You're right, we're not having any party." "You don't have to cry because we're not having a party." "I'm not crying because we're not having a party." "I'm crying because we don't have any friends." "Oh, now, of course, we've got friends." "No, we haven't." "Sure, they're good friends of yours." "Come on, let's go to bed." "I don't want to go to bed!" "Fred!" "Fred!" "Come down here quick!" "Hurry up, Fred!" "Oh, dear." "What's the matter?" "What's going on?" "Oh, Fred, I just heard" "Lucy and Ricky talking on the intercom, and they think we're having a surprise housewarming party for them tonight." "Where'd they get that idea?" "Well, I don't know, but we gotta do something." "I don't know what you're gonna do, but I'm going back to bed." "Oh, now, Fred, those poor little things, they're sitting over there, thinking they haven't got a friend in the world." "What time is it?" "10:00." "They haven't." "Fred, now, we've got to do something." "Uh, here." "Wrap that as a gift." "Wrap that as a gift." "I'll call Betty Ramsey and have her round up a lot of the neighbors and we'll give them a party." "Oh, brother, there goes my beauty sleep." "Coming." "Surprise!" "Oh, am I surprised." "You think you're surprised!" "Happy housewarming!" "You didn't have any idea." "Oh, no, I certainly..." "Oh, honestly..." "Happy housewarming." "Oh, honey!" "That's a present to you from me." "Oh, oh, boy..." "Oh, you shouldn't have." "Hey, I gave you one just like that." "Oh, well, now, that's funny." "Well, now we've each got one." "Yeah." "Come on, are we gonna have this party or not?" "!" "Everybody, make yourselves at home." "I'll get some ice." "Take off your coat, Fred." "Take your coat off, Fred." "Come on, Fred, take your coat off." "Ethel." "Fred!" "I thought you told me this was a slumber party." "Here again are Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz for our alternate sponsors." "Listen, honey, tonight I gotta tell the ladies about the new Squiz Cumb Lilt Home Permanent, and I need your help." "Oh, you sure do." "It's the new Squeeze Comb Lilt Home Permanent." "Ah, you don't understand, honey." "Just tell me the name of this thin' here." "That's the Squiz Cumb." "I mean it's a Squeeze Comb." "No, no, no, no, this." "Oh, that's the comb tip." "Thank you." "Now, this cumb tip cumbs the lotion right into your hair out of a squiz bottle." "Remember how we gals used to dip-dab those messy lotions on?" "Well, that's out." "With new Lilt, you just squeeze the bottle and it combs itself right in." "It's so simple, even he could do it if he had to." "Yeah, is izzy." "Yeah, it's izzy." "And you'll get the most beautiful, longest-lasting home permanent you've ever had." "Thank you, honey." "Now, ladies, remember this name:" "Squiz" "Cumb" "Lilt." "Squeeze Comb Lilt Home Permanent."