"Penthouse, office of the president." "Is Azae in?" "Mr. Azae's secretary is right through that door." "Thank you." "Hello." "I'm Richard Sumner." "Will you tell him I'm here?" "Mr. Sumner?" "Oh, Mr. Sumner." "I know Mr. Azae is terribly anxious to see you, but..." " What's the matter?" " Well, excuse me, Mr. Sumner but you're a day early." "Your appointment isn't until tomorrow." "Oh, is this Monday?" "No, sir, it's Tuesday, and your appointment is for Wednesday." "Why don't you ring him and tell him I'm here Tuesday." "I'm sorry, but Mr. Azae isn't in yet." "Oh, well..." "Where's the Research Department?" "I might as well have a look at that." "Research and Reference is on the 28th floor." "That's 2809." " Who's in charge there?" " Miss Watson." "Would you like me to write it down?" "Sure, sure, if you want." " 2809." "Miss Watson." " You're left-handed." "Yes, sir." "Office is all wrong for you." "Light comes from the wrong direction." "Desk should be reversed." "Wait a minute." "You forgot this." "Hold it, please." "Reference Department." "Miss Costello." " Peg, Cathy." " Yes, Cathy?" "There's a character named Richard Sumner on his way to see you." "Richard Sumner?" "What for?" "Who is he?" " My other phone." "I'll call you back." " Thank you for waiting." "Is this the Society for Preservation of Eskimo Culture?" "This is Miss Costello of the Federal Broadcasting Company." "I'm trying to find the truth about the Eskimo habit of rubbing noses." "Yes, connect me." "I'll hold on." "Reference Department, Miss Blair." "We've looked that up, and there are certain poisons which leave no trace." "But it's policy not to mention them on our programs." "Reference, Miss Saylor." "Yes, I called earlier about that little black velvet strapless you had in the window." "I'm trying to find out the truth about the Eskimo habit of rubbing noses." "That isn't very much of a reduction." "Well, do they rub noses or not?" "But I saw an identical one for $ 10 less in a store downtown." "Never mind." "I'll call the Explorers Club." "And will you call me back?" "Thank you." "Reference Department." "Miss Costello." " Cathy again." " Yes, Cathy." " About this Richard Sumner." " What about him?" "I don't know who he is." "Some kind of a nut, I think or somebody very important." "Probably both." "Do me a favor." "If he leaves your place, find out where he's going." " Azae wants to see him." " Sure, I will, Cathy." "Thanks." "Reference, Miss Blair." "Yes, just a moment, I'll switch you to our baseball expert." "Peg, on two." "Miss Costello speaking." "The highest lifetime batting average?" "Yes, that was held by Tyrus Raymond Cobb with a percentage of.367." "No, .367." "Yes, I have that too." "He played only with the Detroit Tigers for 21 years." "You're quite welcome." " Good morning." " Morning." "May I help you?" "No." "Interesting place here." "Do you mind if I look around?" "Not at all." "Thank you." " What do you suppose he's up to?" " Who is he?" "Richard Sumner." "Azae wants him." "If he leaves here, we're supposed to trail him." " Where'd you get that?" " Cathy." "Catch anything?" "Hello, Reference." "Miss Saylor." " Oh, it's for you, Mr. Sumner." " Oh." "How'd you know my name?" "But didn't you mention it?" " No." " Oh." "Yes?" "We've done some juggling with our appointments, Mr. Sumner." "Mr. Azae will see you today." "Well, why don't you just call me when he's ready." "I'll be right here." "Good." "Uh..." "Would you hold this tape for me, please?" "Thirty-five, 24, 35." "And very nice too." " I mean hold it against the wall, Miss...?" " Miss Blair." "And this is Miss Costello and Miss Saylor." "How do you do?" "Against that wall, you mind?" "All the way over." " Here?" " That's it." "Good." "What's it gonna be?" "Midget golf?" "Snack bar?" " Is Miss Watson in?" " Miss Watson?" " The head of Reference, isn't she?" " She just stepped out." " Think she'll be long?" " No." "She's probably on the..." "On the 31 st floor, having a conference with her boss." "What did you want to see her about?" "Maybe I could help you." "No, I don't think so." "Step in there." "You'll be more comfortable in her office." "Thank you, thank you." "What do you suppose he's doing that measuring for?" "You think we're being redecorated?" " He look like an interior decorator to you?" " No." "He looks like one of those men who's just suddenly switched to vodka." "Morning, kids." "Wait till you see what I snagged at Bonwit's." "Shh!" "Quiet." "Take this." "Here, take it and look busy." " What's going on?" " You've been in conference." " What's the matter?" " There's a strange man here." " Been waiting for 15 minutes." " What have I done?" "Bunny, you're late." "According to the grapevine, Azae sent him here." "If he's anybody who'd do anything..." "You girls kill me." "I was here until 10:00 last night." "And this morning, I had to go to IBM to see a demonstration of the electronic brain." "And on my way here, I stopped at Bonwit's." " So, what am I gonna...?" " Miss Watson?" "Speaking." "My name is Richard Sumner." "Numerologically, that's very good." "There are 13 letters in your name." " You calculate rapidly." " Up to 13 anyway." "Nice, cheerful office you have." "Do you like it here?" "Yes, I love it." "If I didn't work here, I'd pay to get in." "Are you from the Story Department, Mr. Sumner?" "No." "No, I'm not." "I wonder if we could have a little talk in your office?" " Certainly, go right in." " Thank you." " Sit down." " Thank you." "Yes, Mr. Sumner." "What can I do for you?" "I didn't wanna speak in front of your staff." "Every time I mention what I do, people seem to go into a panic." " Good heavens." "What do you do?" " I'm a methods engineer." "Is that a sort of efficiency expert?" "Well, that term is a bit obsolete now." "Oh, forgive me." "I'm so sorry." "I'm the old-fashioned type." "I thought I knew everyone in this building, but I haven't seen you." "Well, I've only been around a few times, just wandering about." "Oh, I see, sort of a migratory engineer." " Yeah." " Excuse me." "Mr. Sumner, what would a methods engineer be doing in our little iron lung?" "You'd be surprised how scientific application can improve the work-man-hour relationship." "Mmm." "Fascinating." "And time is money, so they say." "Uh-huh." "So I've heard." " Green thumb." " Ha!" "Reference, Miss Watson." "Yes." "Yes, he is." "It's for you." "Oh, thank you." "Yes." "Yes, I'm here with her now." "We're having a very nice little talk." "Well, I haven't gone into that yet." "It's a little too soon to evaluate." "But I think we're thinking along the right lines." "Yes." "All right, Azae, I'll be up in a few minutes." "Goodbye." " Azae?" " Yes, yes." "I'll have to come back later, Miss Watson." "You'll get to Azae's office much quicker if you use this back elevator." "Oh." "Oh, thank you." " See you later." " Fine." "Hi, Cathy." "Bunny." "What do you know about a Richard Sum...?" "I'll have to call you back with that information." "Thank you." " What's the matter?" " Tape measure." " I must have left it here." " What did it look like?" " I mean, any color?" " No, no, just a plain, ordinary..." "Oh, here it is." "Here it is." " Sorry." "Thank..." "Thank you." " Don't mention it." " Well, see you later." " Fine." " What is it, Bunny?" "Who is he?" " What's he doing here?" "What's he want anyway?" " Got a cigarette, Peg?" " Sure." "Why?" " Why not?" " You only smoke in a crisis." " Who is he?" " He's an engineer." " No wonder he was measuring." " Measuring?" "He had a tape measure and taped the whole layout." " He did?" " Maybe it's that air conditioning finally." "That figures." "This is November." "Last August, they were too busy." "That's probably it, or something like that anyway." "You're phone, Peg." "Well, kids, what do you say we give the company a little of our time?" " Any memos for me to check?" " A few, Miss Watson." " I'll come out." " Okay." "Here they are, if you would." "I'd say The Times Index for this." "The Old Farmer's Almanac for this." "If not, U.S. Weather Information Service." "Check The Farmer's Almanac first." "This is from the Bible." " Book of Amos, Chapter 1." " Thank you." "Reference, Miss Watson." "Yes, I have that right here." "Certainly, no trouble." "By the shores of Gitche Gumee By the shining Big-Sea-Water" "Stood the wigwam of Nokomis Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis" "Childhood?" "No, no." "That comes farther down." "And he sang the song of children Sang the song Nokomis taught him" "Wah-wah-taysee, little fire-fly Little, flitting, white-fire insect" "Little, dancing, white-fire creature Light me with your little candle" "Ere upon my bed I lay me Ere in sleep I close my eyelids" " You're welcome." " Here's that $5 I borrowed." "Thank you." "Keep it if you need it." "I don't want it." "I can wait till payday." " On the shores of Gitche Gumee." " James Whitcomb Riley." "Henry Wadsworth Longfellow." "Bless him." "I sharpened your pencils, and new manila envelopes are in there." " Thank you." " I'll be glad to stay overtime any night if you have things for me." "You're certainly ambitious." "It was hard getting this job, and I wanna keep it." "Just get to learn the reference library." "I'll recommend a raise after the first of the year." " Thank you, Miss Watson." " You're welcome." "Peg?" "I can let you have that 10 you wanted now." "Well, whenever you're through, come and get it." "Well, the physical setup is okay." " There's plenty of room." " Good, good." " The nature of the activity is such that the operation will differ from anything ever designed." "It's fascinating." "Not impossible?" "No, no, I don't think so." "No, we've made tremendous strides in this field." "Visual read-offs are all centralized, miniaturized and set on schematic panels now." "Then the data compiled is all automatically computed." "And there's an automatic typewritten "panalog."" " You see..." " Now, wait a minute." "I don't understand one word you're saying, but it sounds great." "If you say it can be done, that's good enough for me." "I'd like to hang around that department for a couple weeks, maybe a month, and get a comprehensive picture." "Well, that's easily arranged." "Get me Mike Cutler." "He's in charge of that department." " Not Miss Watson?" " Well, she runs it, but he's her boss." " Oh, let's not bother with him." " Don't get me Mike Cutler." "Now, there's one thing I want you to promise me." "Don't let the girls in Research know what you're doing." "How's that?" "I don't want them to know anything about this big thing coming up." "It's vital it be kept a secret." "Of course, it's almost impossible to keep anything a secret around here." "So please, no matter what happens, don't answer any questions." "What will they think?" "I'll be around." "They'll think I'm a Peeping Tom." "I don't care what they think." "They work for me." "They're smart." "This is one thing I don't want them to know." "All right, all right." "They won't hear about it from me." "You know, this office is bigger than the whole Research Department." "It's supposed to be." "If the office of the president isn't big enough to impress sponsors there's nothing for the girls in Research to research." "I have another office just like it on the 31 st floor." "You want it?" "No, no." "No, thanks." "You don't care whether you impress people or not, do you?" "You wait until you get my bill, you'll be impressed." "It's on the desk, Peg." "Thanks." "Oh, nice." "Is it for an occasion?" "No." "I don't know yet." "It's for the dance that Mike is maybe going to ask me to on the 12th." "Look, Bunny, when, as and if Mr. Mike Cutler asks you do yourself a favor and be busy." "He always waits till the last minute." "He knows you're always there." " You mean I'm too available." " Available?" "You're like an old coat in his closet." "Every time he reaches in, there you are." "Don't be there once." " He'd just buy himself a new coat." " He's been wearing this one seven years." "What makes you think he won't anyway?" "If he did, it..." " That'd be awful." "Wouldn't it?" " Yes, it is." "I know." "You go along thinking something wonderful is gonna happen." "You won't be alone anymore." "Then one day, you realize it's all over." "You're out of circulation." "It all happened, and you didn't even know when it happened." "Well, when that day comes, we'll move in together and keep cats." "I don't like cats." "I like men, and so do you." "Excuse me." "Reference." "Miss Watson." "Bunny?" "Alice." "Mr. Cutler's on his way to see you." "He is?" "Thanks, Alice." "Thanks a lot." "He's on his way down." "Where's my lipstick?" "Darn." "Where'd it get to?" " Peg?" "Peg, where's your lipstick?" " I'll get it." "No, wait a minute." "Here's mine." "Mike's on his way." "Here's your dough, get out." "See me payday." "Did you hear anything I said?" "Every word, but I'm the faithful bird-dog type." "I can't be devious." "All right, Lassie." "But when he disappears, remember, you heard it on this channel first." " Hello, Bunny." " Hello, Mike." "Just a little something I took out on approval." "I approve." "Makes your eyes look green and sexy." "That's what the girl said, but I thought she was trying to make a sale." "She was." "She just happened to be speaking the truth." "Mike, for the 500th time, there's a glass wall behind you." "Who are you kidding?" "They all know you have no brain in your head." " You keep your job by being nice to me." " Well, a girl has to work." "Work?" "Oh, yes, work." "Bunny, take a look at this financial report I drew up." "I didn't wanna turn it in until you saw it." "Sure, I'd be glad to." "Look at the projected expenditures." " See if they look all right to you." " I will." "I don't know how I'd manage without you." "I've missed you." "Feels like I haven't seen you in years." "A week ago, Monday." "Well, the annual board meeting is coming up, and the boys upstairs have been moving in on me." "Putting on pressure." "It's just their annual war dance." "I don't know why I get so nervous." "I've been here long enough, you'd think I wouldn't let it get me." "Hmm." "They do that to you." " It's what I said before." " Huh?" " Their annual war dance." " Oh." "Every year, they have the same dance." "Bunny, there's a dance at the club on the..." "Twelfth." "Uh..." "You happened to mention it one day." "That's right." "What a memory." "You're terrific." "It's just that I associate certain things with certain other things." "I should have asked you sooner." "You didn't make another date, I hope." "Oh..." "I'd better look that up." " When did you say that was?" " The 12th." " That's on a Saturday." " Uh-huh." "Ah!" "As it happens, I find I am free on that evening." " Good, good, then you'll come." " I'd love to, Mike." "I'd better mark that down so I don't forget it." "Yes, you'd better do that." "We'll have fun." "Lots of fun." "Um..." "Mike, if you don't get out of here, I'll never get this done." "Yes, ma'am." "Give that a good going-over and send it up this afternoon." "Better yet, why don't you bring it up." "I'll send it up." "All right." " We'll drive up to the club on the 11 th." " The 12th, Mike." "The 11 th." "You're coming for the weekend." " I am?" " You are." "Oh..." "And if it snows, we can get in some skiing." "And if it doesn't, we can just sit in front of the fire..." " ...and talk." "Huh?" " Hmm." " Bye." " Bye." "Bye, girls." "Always a pleasure to see your scrubbed, smiling faces." "Remember our motto, "Be on time, do your work be down in the bar at 5:30."" "Coffee break." "Better hurry if we wanna get a seat." "Peg." "Okay." "Oh, Peg, he asked me." "Finally, he asked me." "Oh, Bunny." "Bunny, I'm so glad." "Did you set the date?" "It was always on the 12th of..." "Date for what?" " The wedding." " What wedding?" "He invited me to the dance." "Heaven's sake, what'd you expect me to think?" ""Oh, Peg, he asked me." "Finally, he asked me."" "Well, he also invited me for the weekend, Peg." "Ladies and gentlemen you've just listened to another episode in the life of Bunny Watson, spare tire." "Oh..." "Reference." "Miss Watson." "Let me jot that down, will you?" "Yes, yes." "I'm positive we've got that." "Hold on a minute, please." "Oh, dry up!" "I'll take the call." " Who's that?" " Sumner." "Oh, thank you." "Hello, Reference Department." "Sumner speaking." "I'm afraid Miss Saylor isn't here just at the moment." "Can I help you?" "What's that?" "Wait just a minute till I get a pencil, please." "All right, shoot." "Well, I..." "I mean, would you mind repeating that?" "Thirty-nine ninety-five, yes." "Reduced." "Yes." "Black velvet strapless, with a..." "With what kind of a scarf?" "Puce?" "Well, I know how to spell it, P-U-C-E." "All right, I'll tell her as soon as she comes in." "Thanks a lot." "Miss Watson, who is this?" "There she is." "She's our trademark." "She's been with the company since it first started, 36 years ago." "I'm not surprised you didn't recognize her." "She's changed her hair." "Yes, I do have it." "I'll send it down by messenger." "You're welcome." " Miss Watson, are you free for lunch?" " Lunch, me and you?" "Yes, why?" "Is there some company policy that prohibits..." " ...two people...?" " No." "No, no." " I'll check my appointment book." " Fine." " I just remembered, I'm free." " Oh, good, good." "I've got a lot of questions to ask you and lunch is as good a time as any." " Quarter to 1 all right?" " Quarter to 1 is fine." " I'll pick you up here." " Good." "Say, Sadie, what time is it?" "Oh." "Thanks." " Hi." " Hi." " Being stood up?" " Your guess is as good as mine." "All I know is, I'm starved." "If he takes you to Pavillon, try chicken with the truffles." "I hear it's marvelous." "I may eat myself right into next week." "Take your time, honey." "I'll mind the store." "Hello, Miss Watson." "Am I late?" "Sorry." "I was beginning to think I'd misunderstood you." "Oh, no, no." "Come on." "Tell me, Miss Watson, what training have you had for your job?" "Well, a college education and after that a library course at Columbia." "I was gonna take a Ph.D., but I ran out of money." "Is this an interview?" "I would have had my hair done." "No, just getting the vital statistics." " Down?" " No, thank you." "Continue." "My parents were both teachers in the public-school system..." " ...so we didn't have much money." " Aha." "I've read every New York newspaper backward and forward for the past 15 years." " Uh-huh." " I don't smoke." "I drink champagne when I'm lucky enough to get it." "My hair is naturally natural." "I live alone, and so do you." "How do you know that?" "Because you're wearing one brown sock and one black one." "You're right." "If you lived with anybody, they'd tell you." "That's one of the advantages of living alone, nobody tells you anything." " Up?" " Yes, yes, thank you, thank you." "Nice place." "I found it the other day, when I was in the building." " Have you been up here before?" " Many times, in July." "Lunch." "Now, we have roast beef and ham and cheese." "You can have your choice." "A picnic." "Ideal place for concentration, isn't it?" "No waiters, no people, no telephones." " No central heating." " Plenty of hot coffee." " Have a seat." " Thank you." "Now, I have a kind of a personality questionnaire here." "Some of these questions may seem silly to you but you'd be surprised what they indicate about general intelligence and adaptability and so forth They may also tease your memory." "Oh, a tease, huh?" "Just answer the questions, you know, without..." "Don't dwell on the question." "Uh-uh." "I won't." ""Often when we meet people the first time some physical characteristic strikes us."" "Now, what is the first thing you notice in a person?" "Whether the person is male or female." " This is a little mathematical problem." " Uh-huh." "Celery and olives?" "Four olives, three pieces of celery." "Right." "That doesn't happen to be the question." "Oh." "Now, " a train started out at Grand Central with 17 passengers aboard and a crew of nine." "At 125th Street, four got off, and nine got on." "At White Plains, three got off, and one got on." "At Chappaqua, nine got off, and four got on." "And at each successive stop thereafter, nobody got off or on until the train reached its next to the last stop where five people got off and one got on." "Then it reached the terminal."" "That's easy, 11 passengers and a crew of nine." " Uh..." "That's not the question." " I'm sorry." "How many people got off at Chappaqua?" "Nine." " That's correct." " Yes, I know." "Would you mind telling me how you arrived at that conclusion?" "Spooky, isn't it?" "Did you notice that there are also nine letters in Chappaqua?" "Are you in the habit of associating words with the number of letters?" "I associate many things with many things." "I see." "Aren't you gonna ask me how many people got off at White Plains?" "Three." "But there are 10 letters in White Plains." "No, 11." "But only three got off there." "You see, I've only ever been to White Plains three times in my whole life." " Suppose you had only been there twice?" " But I wasn't." "I was there three times." "Aren't you gonna ask me how many people got on at Croton Falls?" "There is no Croton Falls mentioned at all in the question." "No, but it is the next to the last stop on that line." "Anyway, one." " Aren't you cold?" " Don't worry about me." "Never get cold." "Now, do you notice anything unusual about the following sentence?" ""Able was I ere I saw Elba."" "Um..." "No, but I doubt that Napoleon ever said anything like that." "Unless you mean it's because it's spelled the same way backward and forward." " What do they call it?" "A...?" " A palindrome." "I know another. "Madam, I'm Adam."" "I doubt if he ever said that." "Now, I have three telephone numbers." "I'm going to repeat them just once." " See if you can repeat them after me." " Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." " Are you ready?" " Yeah." " Plaza 2-3391." " Hmm." "Murray Hill 3-1099." "Plaza 2-3931." "Tough question?" "Uh-uh." "Tough roast beef." "Um, Plaza 2-3391." "Murray Hill 3-1099." "And Plaza 2-3931." "Would you mind telling me how you arrived at that?" "The first is Plaza 2, with the year of the bank panic reversed." "And the second one is Murray Hill 3 with 33 years after the date of the Norman Conquest." "The last is Plaza 2, number the same as first, second and third digits transposed." "Except something is wrong with that question." " Really?" " I don't think there is any Plaza 2 exchange." "Uh-huh." "Uh..." ""What, if anything, is wrong...?"" "Well, I guess we can skip that." "Before asking you the next question, I must advise you..." " ...it contains a trick." " Oh." "In order to see into the trick, I give you two words of advice:" " Never assume." " Don't worry, I won't." " Are you ready?" " Uh-huh." ""A detective broke into an apartment found Harry and Grace lying on the floor, dead." "Beside them was a small pool of water and some fragments of broken glass." "Above them, on a sofa, looking down at them, was a pet cat, his back arched." "The detective concluded, without further investigation that the victims had died of strangulation." "How was this conclusion possible?"" "Never assume?" "Never assume." "Yeah, well the only thing I'm assuming is that Harry and Grace were..." "Hey." "Were Harry and Grace...?" "No, it's too silly." "Were Harry and Grace goldfish?" "No, they weren't." "They were rare tropical fish like you." "How did your machine do on this test?" "No machine can evaluate." "How'd you happen to ask that question?" "Oh." "I did a little research on you." "Uh-huh." "You were born in Columbus, Ohio, on May the 22nd." "You're a Gemini." "You're a graduate of MIT with a Ph.D. In science." "You're a Phi Beta Kappa but don't wear your key which means you're modest, or you lost it." "You spent World War II in Greenland working on something top-secret." "You are one of the leading exponents of the electronic brain in this country." "The inventor and patent holder of an electronic-brain machine, EMMARAC." "The electromagnetic memory and research arithmetical calculator." "It's all I found out so far but only had half an hour." " A very rare tropical fish." " Thank you." "Did you ever see an electronic brain work?" " EMMARAC, for example?" " Yeah, yeah." "Just this morning, as a matter of fact, I saw a demonstration at IBM." " Oh." "See it translate Russian to Chinese?" " Yeah." "Saw it do everything." "Frightening." "Gave me the feeling that maybe, just maybe people were a little bit outmoded." "Mmm." "Wouldn't surprise me a bit if they stopped making them." "Thanks, darling." "Hello, Smithers." " Miss Watson..." " How's the Legal Department?" "You haven't been over to see me for a long time." "Isn't there any new gossip?" "None of the vice presidents getting divorces?" "No." "But I heard..." "I heard something that concerns you, though, personally." " You did?" " Yeah." "You haven't heard I'm engaged to be married." " No." "Are you?" " No." "And if you hear anything like that, come and tell me right away." "And be sure you get the name of the man too." "I, uh..." "I was in Personnel this morning." " Where?" " Personnel." " On the ninth floor." " Oh." "While I was in there, they sent from Mr. Azae's office for your..." "For your personnel file." " They did?" " Yeah." "Miss Watson when they send for those folders it generally means they're adding up the severance pay." "I didn't wanna worry you or anything, Miss Watson." " Oh, I know you didn't." " Just though I ought to tell you." " Yeah, thanks." " Yeah, any time." "I thought you'd never get back." " You know what that Sumner's doing?" " Yeah, feeding the pigeons." " No." "Know what he's doing here?" " What?" "He's trying to replace us with a mechanical brain." "He's under special assignment to Azae to see if EMMARAC can be adapted here." " That means the end of us all." " Peg, Peg, calm down." " No machine can do our job." " That's what they said in Payroll." " Did he design the machine in Payroll?" " Yes." "When business stalled, half the department disappeared." "That machine in Payroll is just a calculator." "They can't build a machine to do our job." "There are too many cross-references." "I'd match my memory against any machine's any day and yours." "Now, Peg, the worst thing that can happen is for us to get panicky." "Keep this between you and me and not tell Ruthie and Sylvia." "Not tell them?" "They're at union headquarters to see if there's a law." "There is a law." "My phone." " Don't lose it, Ruthie." "It's my only copy." " Yes, Miss Watson." " Hi, Kenny." " Hi." " Mr. Sumner, here's that file you wanted." " Oh." "Please return it to Personnel as soon as you're finished with it." "Thank you." " Reference Department, Miss Blair." " Sylvia, Cathy." "Coffee break." " Coming down?" " Well, no." "Not under the present sign of the zodiac." "You see, Gemini is at war with Sagittarius." "This means that all signs are hostile at the present." "Continued alertness should be the order of the day." "Oh, the brain is there." " Well, see you later." " You're quite welcome." "Call us any time." "Costello Department, Miss Reference speaking." "I mean, Miss Reference Department, Costello..." "You know what I mean." "The traditional Thanksgiving song?" "One of them is "Over the River and Through the Woods."" " Bunny?" " What?" "Don't break a leg, but Mike Cutler is in your office with flowers, yet." " How do I look?" " Too good for him." "If you have any questions, get them together." "I'm leaving at 4 to have my hair done." "Oh..." "Mike." "They're lovely." "You're an angel." "You'd better read the card first." "Oh." " We're not going." " I'm sorry." "And you're all packed too." " Where are you...?" " Chicago." " When?" " Tonight." "When you work for a network, you have to expect this sort of thing." " Can't say I'm not used to it." " Didn't make it last year either?" "Miami." "I remember because you brought me back a bikini." "It was awfully flattering, Mike." "I'm sick about it, Bunny." "But I couldn't say to Azae:" ""I'm sorry, but I can't go with you, because I have a date with Bunny."" " You're going with Azae?" " How about that?" "He could've asked half a dozen other guys, but he didn't." " Just me." " I think you're moving up, boy." "Thanks to you." "That financial report helped." "I got quite a few compliments on it." "Remind me to louse it up next year." "Here." "For a rising young executive." " Bunny." " Hmm." "Why don't you drive out to the airport with me." "Oh..." "No." "I don't think so." "All those people flying away and me just sitting there, sitting." "No, I don't think so." " Well, I guess..." " I'll leave a light burning for you." "It won't have to burn long." "I'll be back before Christmas." "Look for me in your stocking." " Bye, Mike." " Goodbye, Bunny." "Let me out!" " Who's that?" " Sumner." "Oh, dear." "I didn't know that you were still there." "I thought you'd gone home hours ago." " I'm sorry." " Thanks, thanks." "I..." "I got behind the bookstalls." "I was reading." "I didn't realize how late it was." " Thanks." " Thanks." "Here, let me help you." "That's nice." "Thank you very much." " Oh." "Good evening." " Good evening." "Hello, Smithers." "Thank you." "Yeah." "You going away for the weekend?" " No, just home." " I was gonna wish you better weather." "But if you're just going home, there's really no reason to do so, is there?" "Oh!" " I'll get a taxi." " Wait a minute, Mr. Sumner." " Which way are you going?" " Seventy-fifth." "Off Lexington." "I can give you a lift." "You see, my wife is picking me up in a car." "Her mother came in today from Chattanooga..." " ...and Myra had to meet her." " Oh." "Oh." " Sure we won't be putting you out?" " Oh, no, no." "We go across the Triborough Bridge." " Wonderful." " There's Myra now." "Miss Watson, let me help you." " Thank you very much." " Hey, Myra." "Myra." "Bradley Smithers, I've been around this block six times." "Hello, Mother Hewitt." "Honey, you don't mind dropping a couple coworkers?" " Oh, Brad!" " All right." "Come on." "Hello, how do you do?" " Then you must be Mr. Cutler." " No, Sumner." " I thought you told me..." " Ixnay." " Here, Mother." " Flowers." " Thank you, son." "They're lovely." " Oh, but, Mother..." "Here we are." "Here we go." "Here we go." "Thanks." " Thank you very much." " You're quite welcome." "I'll have a lovely time." " You too." " Thanks." "We will." "Good night." "What?" "Wrong bag." "This is hers." "For Pete's sake." "You gave him your grandmother's bag." " I'm sorry." " Take this bag." " Sorry." " Will you close that door?" "Myra, will you shut up?" " Do you live near here?" " As a matter of fact I live a little farther up Lexington." "I wanted to get out here so I wouldn't spoil Smithers' fun." "No, no, it's full." "Darling, you'll never get a cab." "Maybe up at the corner." "We're gonna be the top item on the grapevine Monday morning..." " ...so come and eat with me." " No, I don't..." " Don't be silly." " Sure it won't be any bother?" "Not a bit." "Not a bit." "It's no trouble at all." "There's plenty of food." "Just put those down anywhere." "Ah." "Nice place." "You'll catch pneumonia if I don't get you out of those wet things." "What would you suggest I change to, your pajamas?" "No." "I've just the thing." "It's not that I'm living with a man who's out of town." "It's just, I do my Christmas shopping early." "Now, let me see." "One of these is a man's robe." "Here it is." "Yes." " What's the matter?" " Just thinking." "Smithers would love this." "You can change in there." "Try not to get it wet." "I have to rewrap it and give it to somebody else." "Yes, ma'am." "I don't know what we'll do about your feet." "I didn't buy anybody slippers." "What about my galoshes?" "Goulash?" "Oh, great." " Mr. Sumner?" " Yes?" " Do you mind if I ask you a very important question?" "No, no." "Go ahead." "How do you like your chicken fried?" "I never heard of it being made with chicken." " What?" " Goulash." "What about goulash?" "What did you say?" "I said, "How do you like your chicken fried?"" "I said, "I never heard of it being made with..."" " Are we going to have fried chicken?" " Yeah." "Oh, that's even better." "I like that better." "Better than what?" "Goulash." "Oh." "Well, yeah." "So do I." " This dinner is white tie, isn't it?" " White tie and bathrobe." "Now, how do you like your chicken fried?" "Salt and pepper mixed in the flour, throw it in a paper bag toss in the chicken, shake it up." "Like me to show you?" "I'd like it very much." "In there, off the living room." " Fine." " I'll be right with you." "I'm sorry I can't offer you any more chicken." "Next time, have three." "I must say, it's very special." "What's your secret?" "Oh." "A great chef never divulges." "There's another secret I'm much more interested in." "Your report to Mr. Azae..." " ...on my department." " Don't know about that." "You admit no machine can do our work?" "You and EMMARAC have that in common." "You're single-minded." "You relentlessly try to get the answer to whatever you're trying to get the answer to." "What does she do when she doesn't get the answer?" "Very sensitive." "If frustrated her whole magnetic circuit is liable to go up." "Something like that is happening to me." " Say, do you smell something burning?" " No, no." "Oh." "I think that's your kitchen." "You need a new ventilator." " Oh." " Are you serving dessert, ma'am?" "And if so, what?" " I'm serving floating island." " Floating island." "Yeah." "Well, I wonder who that could be." "Uh..." "Would you like me to go into the...?" "Don't be ridiculous." "We're a couple of adults." " I'll get the dessert." " Thank you." "It's in the icebox." " Mike!" " Hiya, Bunny." "Planes are all grounded." "How do you like that?" "For heaven's sake." " Raining here and snowing in Chicago." " My, you don't say." "I know it's late, but aren't you going to invite me in?" "Oh, sure, sure." "Go on in." "Ah!" "Dinner and a fire going." "How lucky can a guy get?" " You two know each other, don't you?" " Sure." "Just having dessert." "Won't you join us?" "There's plenty." " Just coffee." " Sit down." "I'll..." "I'll get another cup." "Won't be a second." "I suppose I should've called first." "Yes." "Do that next time." " Did I miss something?" " No, no, no." "Mr. Cutler said he should have phoned before dropping in..." " ...and I said, "Perhaps he should have."" " Thank you." "Well, it never occurred to me anybody'd be here." "Thank you." "Still raining out, Cutler?" "Why, Sumner?" "Are you waiting for it to stop?" "No, no, no." "Sugar?" "Cream?" "No." "You know, being this civilized is ridiculous." "I mean, this looks fairly primitive to me." "Unless, of course, there's some other explanation." "Other than what?" "Oh..." "It's very easy to explain." "I hope so." "It looks pretty odd." "I am beginning to get mad." "You are beginning to get mad?" "What right have you to barge in here making noises like an outraged bull?" "I wasn't making noises." "I was thinking them but wasn't making them." "Come on, come on." "Now, after all, it is very simple to explain." "If there's going to be any explanation, I'd like to get it from Bunny." " Whoa, whoa, whoa." " I've never..." "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Now..." "After all, it was raining outside." "I got caught in the rain." "Bunny..." "That is, Miss Watson invited me upstairs to get dry." "The robe is not mine, just a present she happened to get for some fellow who has the initials M.C." "M.C." "Well." "Like it?" "I hope you do." "I can't take it back." "I embroidered those initials." " You going to eat your floating island?" " I certainly am." "Delicious." " I don't get it." " Absolutely delicious." "I don't get it." "You're not the Bunny I know at all." "Nope, I'm not." "You think I'm an old coat in your closet." "That shows how much you know." "There's a constant stream of men in and out of here day and night." "Can't get them out of my hair." "See." "There's another one." "Shall Cutler and I go into the bedroom, or are we all adults?" "Oh, shut up." "Come on in!" "Come in." "Hello." "What are you doing here?" "You're supposed to be on your way to Chica..." "I don't know what you're supposed to be." "I got caught in the rain." "I better put my clothes on." "I left them in the bedroom." "Oh, I'm sorry, Bunny." "Matter of fact, I left them in the bathroom." " Peg, would you mind?" " Not at all." "Do I smell something burning?" "The kitchen needs a new ventilator." "I should've called, but the last thing I expected was..." "You're going on how the last thing you expected was to find me with a man..." "Don't, Bunny." "That's unfair." "If I thought that, why would I always be hanging around?" " I'm kind of puzzled about that myself." " Look, Bunny." " We've known each other for six years." " Seven." "It's been a fine relationship." "No strings on either of us." " Yeah, that's for certain." " And I've learned to depend on you for many things." "Your warmth, your wit, your understanding." "You've become a part of my life." "That's why I want to ask you this." "What, Mike?" "Don't let our relationship be destroyed by what happened here tonight." "I was wrong in coming in like that." "I was wrong for taking it for granted that you'd be here all..." "No." "I won't say that again." "Look, let's not talk any more tonight." "I'll see you tomorrow." "No, come to think of it, I won't." "I'll be in Chicago." "Well, I'll call you first chance I get." " Good night, Bunny." " Good night, Mike." "All clear?" "You can tell those five other guys they can come out from under the bed now." " Who belongs to these?" " Oh..." "You do not need a new ventilator." "You don't know anyone who'd like to buy a robe with the initials M. C?" " I'm selling one real cheap." " Will someone please fill me in?" "You see, Peg, it all started with Mr. Smithers' mother-in-law." "Gee." "She came up from Chattanooga." "It was Chattanooga, was it not, madame?" " Chattanooga, Tennessee." " Chattanooga, Tennessee." "It was raining." "There was a kid in the front seat with a lollipop a kid in the back seat with a lollipop." "And a dog." "Good evening, I've had a lovely time." "Are you sure you want this mistletoe over the door?" "Certainly." "Then if anything good drifts in, we can grab him." " Why don't you wear it in your hair." " I may." "That's the spirit." "This may be the last Christmas party we throw here." " So let's make it a lulu." " Before lunch?" " Before lunch, for lunch and after lunch." " What's company policy here?" "Anything goes, as long as you don't lock the doors." "Reference." "Merry Christmas." "Miss Costello." "Yeah, sure I can." "You got a pencil?" "Please write it down and file it away." "Every year, you ask for the same information." "Dasher, Prancer, Dancer and Vixen, Cupid, Comet, Donder and Blitzen." " You're welcome." " They're running true to form." "About 4:00, they'll be calling up for a complete text of A Visit From St. Nick." " Merry Christmas, everybody." " Merry Christmas." "Ruthie, grab these before I drop them all." "Thanks." "The tree looks wonderful." "The old-fashioned kind are the prettiest." "That's the food, and this is for laughs." "I've had a couple of laughs already." " Who hasn't?" " More Christmas cards." " Oh, thank you." " Hey, wait a second." "From the Reference Department to you." "Hey, thanks." "Gee, thanks, everybody, and Merry Christmas." " Merry Christmas." " Wait a second, Kenny." " Did they give you anything in Legal?" " No." "The mail boy last year, I told him to go make a big show of what we gave him." "It worked." "They met our figure." "Wait a second." "Do you have a nice, crisp $5 bill?" "Yeah." "Well, add that to it." "Catch on?" "Come back to our party later." "Whoa!" "Happy New Year." "All right." "Come on, Fred, hurry up." " Go ahead." "I'll join you down there." " Right." "I'm expecting Miss Warriner from my lab." "She'll ask for me." " Will you send her to Reference?" " Yes, Mr. Sumner." "I'll be glad to." "You ought to drink something for those hiccups." "Thank you, sir." "I will." "Hey, wait a minute." "I may need that." "Reference." "Miss Watson." "Merry Christmas." "Oh, yes, indeed I can." "Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, Cupid, Comet, Donder and Blitzen." " No, it's a pleasure." " Give me my bottle, quick." "What do you suppose it'll be like next Christmas when we're gone?" " Think EMMARAC will throw a party?" " Don't talk that way." "It's bad luck." " It's Christmas." " It's Christmas." "If we do get canned, we won't be the only ones to lose our job to a machine." "Thousands of people are being replaced by electronic brains." "Hey, look." "This one's from Mildred Pittinger." " She had your job, Ruthie." " I know what it is." "It's a picture of herself and her husband." " Oh!" "They had a baby." " Cute." "Babies are cute." " Let's drink to Mildred's baby." " Mildred's baby!" "Merry Christmas, ladies." "Yeah." "It is my great pleasure to inform you that the party in Legal has started and that you're all invited." " Let's go." "I love Legal." "It's all men." "I'll bring my champagne." "I know they won't have any in Legal." "Hello?" "Santa Claus' reindeer?" "Why, yes, I can." "Let me see, now." "There's Dopey, Sneezy, Grouchy Happy, Sleepy, Rudolph and Blitzen." "You're welcome." "Oh." " Merry Christmas." " Merry Christmas." "I was in earlier asking for you, but you were late this morning." "I know." "But it's all right." "I brought a note from my mother." "Nothing very much gets done around here today, does it?" "Uh..." "Well, we never work here anyway." "This is our playpen." "If you're planning to work, the budget is on the desk." " Ruthie finished it." " Thank you." "You're welcome." "If you're gonna read our budget, why don't you let us read your report." "My report?" "Oh, I've already sent that in." " Oh." "Have you?" " Uh-huh." "There you are." "I was looking all over for you." "I came in here to find something." "Oh, I remember what." "My other bottle of champagne." "If you take that champagne back to Legal you won't even get another swallow." "That's right." "I'd better drink it right here." " Join me, Peg?" " Certainly." "How does champagne go with Four Roses Scotch, martinis and bloody marys?" "Fine." "They're all the same base, alcohol." "Pull up a chair, Peg." " And rest your hands and face." " What year is that?" ""Nineteen forty-seven."" "That was a good year." "Not for me, it wasn't." "It was the year of the blizzard." "Remember?" "I spent Christmas Eve in a subway station at Canal Street." "You know, that reminds me just as I was getting off the Mexican Avenue bus last night..." "What's so funny?" "The Mexican Avenue bus?" "You mean the Mexington Avenue bus, don't you?" "So I do." "Here was this brand-new Coupe De Ville with the most attractive-looking, gray-haired man in it." "And he slowly drove around the block three times." "And I could tell by the way he looked at me if I had been any other kind of girl it would've been the start of a very beautiful romance." "More power to you." "You may be lonely, but more power to you." "It has usually been my experience when a car cruises around the block slowly it has usually been my experience that they are mostly just looking for a place to park." "Peg?" "Did you know that our Mr. Sumner also lives on the Mexican Avenue bus?" "Oh, Peg." "Peg, come here." "Can't you just see him, standing there in his serape and bare feet holding on to the strap." "They're gone for the day." "Have some tequila, Peg." "I don't think I should." "There are 85 calories in a glass of champagne." "I have a little place in my neighborhood where I can get it for 65." "Hey, EMMARAC would you stop fussing that budget for a minute and answer a question?" " Sure." " Just for kicks." "You don't have to answer it if you don't want to." "Don't dwell." "I warn you, there's a trick." "If six Chinamen get off a train at Las Vegas, and two of them are found floating facedown in a goldfish bowl their only identification, two telephone numbers one, Plaza 0-0000 and the other, Columbus 0-1492 what time did the train get to Palm Springs?" "Nine o'clock." "Would you tell me how you happened to get that?" "There are 11 letters in Palm Springs, you take away two Chinamen, leaves nine." "You're a sketch, Mr. Sumner." "You're not so bad yourself." "How would you like to have some of our champagne?" "Thank you." "Just fill it right up to the top." "Thank you." "Now, drink it all down." "It's very good for you." "Good." "Now you can have your Christmas present." "Here." "From the Reference Department to you." "Well, thanks." "Just a little something we all thought you'd like." "It opens this way." "Well." "Those are your college colors, aren't they?" "Well, if I'd known that, I would've worn my freshman cap." "This is 6 feet long." " Have you seen this, Peg?" " Yes." "Handsome." "Good wool in that." "I had to do stepping to find it." "There isn't much demand for that kind of thing." " I don't know what to say." " Just Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas." "And peace on earth to men of goodwill too." " Bunny." " Mike." " When did you get back?" " Just got off the plane." "I told you I'd be back by Christmas." "Hi, Peg." "Hi." "The party started early." "The gang's over in Legal." "We'll see you." "Oh, these presents are for the office." "Here." "Thank you." "I'll put them under the tree." "Hello, Cutler." " Merry Christmas, Sumner." " Merry Christmas, Cutler." "I like that hat." "I like that suit." "You should wear it more often." "You gonna introduce me to Harvey?" "Oh, he's better than Harvey." "Watch." "Mike, that's wonderful." "Where did you find it?" "Come in my office." "I wanna give you your present." "Act surprised." " Did you say something?" " Who, me?" "Good heavens and earth." "Here." "Does he hang around here all the time?" " All the time." " Hmm." "No, not today." " To us." " To us." "Here's yours." "Here's yours." "It's a little smaller." "Open yours first." "Should I?" "Oh." "Oh, Mike, the earrings." "Oh, they're so beautiful with the ring." " You like them?" " Oh, they're lovely." " You like them?" " You are an angel." "Oh, thank you." "I can't give you yours now." "It's just too silly." "As long as it's not a robe." "Well, it's as far away from a robe, Mike, as I could get." "Thank you." "Bongo drums." "How did you know?" "A sign over them said, "For the man who has absolutely everything."" " Have I?" " Has he?" " Bunny?" " Hmm." "I had a chance to do some thinking in Chicago." "Did you enjoy it?" "Let's face it, the whole company's had us married for seven years anyway." "Well, they succeeded where I failed." "Oh, go away." " Sorry, Miss Watson." " Oh, it's you." "I guess your phone is out of order." "I've been taking your calls for you." "There is someone called Take Home the Loot." "They would like to know the name of Scrooge's partner Scrooge's first name and how many brothers and sisters did Tiny Tim have." "Oh, yes, and Azae's office called." "They want you right away." " When?" " Two minutes ago." "Why didn't you...?" "Never mind." " Take that." "I'll see you later." " Yes." " Dinner?" " Yes." " Yes." " Good." "Bon voyage!" "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "Is this your first Mediterranean cruise?" "Yes, but don't tell anybody." " Why not?" " Because I'm the captain." "Oh..." "Well, I'll help you steer." "I'm independently wealthy, you know." "I've made this cruise often." "Yes, yes, there's something about that pencil in your hair that spells money." "Isn't money a lovely thing?" " I do hope they don't take it away." " Who?" "They." "Would you like to sit?" "My deck chair's near yours." " I'm glad." "I've forgotten where mine is." " Right here." "Right here." " Here." " Thank you, skipper." "Oh, my, what lovely steamer rugs." "Tell me, skipper, why have you never married?" "Don't you like women?" "Oh, yes, sure." "Sure, I like women." "Specifically, as a sex, and specifically." "But not "pacifically" enough to get married." "That's not it at all." "I've just never found anyone who'd put up with me." "Except Caroline, of course." "More champagne?" " No." "What about Caroline?" " Caroline was a model." " Five-feet-ten in her stockinged feet." " You had occasion to measure her?" "Among other things, yes." "If it hadn't been for the war..." " Oh-oh." "You got a Dear John letter." " No, no." "I got dozens of letters, but..." "Imagine sitting on an icecap in Greenland and getting a six-page letter telling me that women's neckline was gonna go up the following year." "Now, after all, if she told me that it was going down, I might've had a reason to..." "The next letter would be about the hem skirt being lowered." "I don't exactly look like a fella interested in women's fashions, do I?" "Not even in men's." "Well, what did you do?" "I had a friend who was rejected by the Marines." "He had housemaid's knee or something." "So I asked him to look her up and keep her from being lonely." "He did." " Hmm." " And then I got the Dear John letter." " That was a dirty trick." " Why?" "They're very happily married." "If she never writes, he'll never know the difference." "That's not why you didn't marry Caroline." " You're in love with someone else." " No kidding." " No kidding." " Who?" "Emily EMMARAC, that's who." "That monster machine you created." "She's all you ever think about." "That's why your socks never match." "My socks match today." "Look." " Why, so they do." " Sure." "And they have matched for some time." "You just haven't noticed it." "Oh." " More champagne?" " No." "I'll bet you write wonderful letters." "Bunny." "Bunny, you're wanted on the telephone." "You're wanted on the telephone." " Reference." "Miss Watson." " Bunny." "Cathy." "Flash:" "Mike Cutler has just been made a vice president and he's on his way down to see you." "Who made him a vice president, Cathy?" "You?" "I should say not." "Mr. Azae did." "Didn't he?" "He certainly did." "Bunny." "Bunny." " Come in, Mr. Vice President." " Isn't it great?" " You deserve it, Mike." " Oh, Bunny, I could take off." "When Azae started to talk to me seriously, I thought, "You've had it."" " Things have been mysterious here." " Sure." "It turned out to be a vice-presidency." "Vice president of all West Coast operations." " West Coast?" " I ordered tickets." "We'll take the plunge." "We'll leave Tuesday and marry out there." " Tuesday?" "This Tuesday?" " Sure, why not?" "Well, for one thing, my apartment." "Peg can take care of it." "Giving out apartments is like giving away diamonds." " But there's my job." "I can't walk out." " I'm vice president." "I hereby transfer you to the West Coast." "Anything else?" "What about the girls, Mike?" "I can't leave them worrying about their jobs." "I can't help there." "I don't plan to take them on my honeymoon." "But they're invited to visit next summer at our house." "Our own house!" "That sounds pretty good, huh?" " What's the matter, Bunny?" " Nothing." " You threw it so fast." "I can't think." " What's to think about?" "Do you wanna marry the Federal Broadcasting Company?" " Well, don't shout." " I'm trying to get heard over the drums." "Who's playing them anyway?" "Sumner, of course." "Who else?" " Well, what's that mean?" " Oh, Bunny." "I don't know what you're talking about." "When two people wanna get married, they don't worry about anything." "Look I had reason to think you wanted this as much as I." "You had reason to think I wanted it twice as much." "You changed your mind for obvious reasons." "When I think of all that guff I swallowed at your apartment." "I even apologized to you for that." "Now, "I don't know what you're talking about."" "I don't know what game you're playing, but you've got the wrong boy." " Mike!" " And after seven years of waiting." "You waited seven years?" "Oh!" "Bunny, we're all being taken to the Plaza for a drink, by Richard." " Are we?" " She says yes." " I'll meet you downstairs." " You're going too." " Right." " Here we go." " You all set?" " Oh, I'll get my packages." "Go on." "Mrs. Smithers is going to drive us." "Oh, hello." "Hello." " I'm Miss Warriner, from your lab." " Oh..." " You remember me, don't you?" " Of course I remember you." "I had an awful time finding you." "Things are very odd here today, huh?" "Well, yes." "As a matter of fact, I don't think you should have come here today." "What do you say we let this go until after Christmas?" "You'll get a wrong impression of the place today." "I can discount that." "I'm just interested in the physical layout." "We're gonna be crowded in here." "We could move this desk forward." "Or leave it here and use it for punch cards." " Get away from this desk." "It's mine." " What is this, Richard?" " What's going to happen here?" " Well, I..." "Miss Warriner is an expert in electronics, and she'll be in charge of EMMARAC." "She'll be installed here..." "That is, EMMARAC will be, on Monday." "According to Mr. Sumner's figures, it will save, in this department alone 6240 man-hours a year." "How ingenious of Mr. Sumner." "Why don't we go to that Plaza and have that drink we were..." "Why don't you and Miss EMMARAC go over and hoist a few." "Oh, I am sorry." "I have such a terrible memory." "Really?" "And you chose to do reference work with a bad memory?" "Be careful." "Be careful." "You're in the major leagues here." "Come on." "Look..." "And a very Merry Christmas to you too." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Somebody say something funny." "I'll do it." "Hello." "Yes." "Yes, I can." "'Twas the night before Christmas When all through the house" "Not a creature was stirring Not even a mouse" "The stockings were hung By the chimney with care" "In hopes that St. Nicholas Soon would be there" "The children were nestled All snug in their beds" "While visions of sugarplums Danced in their heads" "Good girl." "Good girl." "Miss Costello, please." "These doors must be kept closed." "You know how sensitive EMMARAC is to changes in temperature." " Sorry." "The rest of Bartlett's Quotations." " Thank you." "Ew." "Everything's so dusty back there." "One thing we don't like is a speck of dust." "Do we, Miss Emmy?" "Here we are." " Oh, the door." "The door." "Please." " What about the door?" "You girls simply must remember to keep them closed." "Emmy gets pneumonia if she gets caught in a draft." "Emmy." "Oh, please, Miss Blair, really." "Well, if we do have to leave, they're sure making it easy for us." "Doesn't Kenny usually bring our paychecks earlier?" " Yes." " Why is he so late today?" "There's probably something extra in it, like a pink slip, so big." "It's very polite, but it boils down to:" ""Goodbye, and don't slam the door on your way out."" " Where's Emmy's mother?" " She touched Sylvia so she's out scrubbing up." "City Morgue." "Can I help you?" "Oh." "They hung up." "There you are." "The complete history of the American buffalo." "It, too, is becoming extinct." " Thank you." " You're welcome." " Well, Miss Em is ready to go." " She's not the only one." "That's the little key that fascinates me." "This red one." "Here." " We try never to use that key." " Why not?" "Well, it's too technical to explain, but Miss Emmy doesn't like it." "She's liable to act up and make a lot of rude noises." "Good morning, ladies." "All you boys know Miss Watson, of course." " How do you do?" " Gentlemen, there she is." "EMMARAC, the modern miracle." " Mr. Sumner, would you explain...?" " No, no." "Not at all." " Miss Warriner, how's it going?" " She's been digesting it all beautifully." "Good, good." "Now, gentlemen, the purpose of this machine is to free the worker..." "You can say that again." "Uh..." "To free the worker from the routine tasks and liberate him for important work." "For example, you see all those books there and the ones up there?" "Well, every fact in them has been fed into Emmy." " Now, what do you have there?" " This is Hamlet." " That's Hamlet?" " Yes, the entire text." "In code, of course." "Uh..." "Now, these little cards create electronic impulses which are accepted and retained by the machine so that in the future if anybody wants a quotation from Hamlet the research worker types it into the machine here Emmy goes to work, and the answer comes out here." " And it never makes a mistake." " Well, now, that's not entirely accurate." "Emmy can make a mistake." "Uh..." "But only if the human element makes the mistake first." "Tell me, Bunny, has EMMARAC been helping you any?" "Well, frankly, it hasn't started to give yet." "For the past two weeks, we've just been feeding it information." "But I think you could safely say it will provide more leisure for more people." " Thank you, Miss Watson." " Not at all." "Is there any question you gentlemen would like to ask the machine?" " I have a question." " Oh, what is it?" "The spruce budworm." "How much damage is done annually to American forests by the spruce budworm?" " Miss Warriner." " That took me three weeks." "I know, I know." "How much damage is done annually to American forests by the spruce budworm?" "What was the answer, Bunny?" "$ 138,464,359 and some cents." "Well, now let's see what Emmy has to say." ""$ 138,464,359. 12."" "Now, how long did that take your department, Miss Watson?" "Oh..." "Forty-five minutes." "Well, even at that, you can see this one operation alone saved your department 44 minutes." "Good, great." "Now I want these men to see the machine we've installed in Payroll." "Well, now, of course, that's an entirely different operation, you understand." "It's purely mathematical." "It deducts the income taxes..." "Paychecks, everybody." " Hi, Kenny." " Hi." "Uh-huh." "Me." "Ruthie." "Peg." "Sylvia." "Oh, who's afraid?" "Come on, all together." "Oh." "Not only that, they took out for Blue Cross again this week." "Well, now that I've got it, I feel better." "I can stop worrying about the whole thing." "Sure." "How long before you start collecting unemployment insurance?" "Two weeks." "I looked it up." "Let's not get maudlin." "We'll show them." "We'll open our own network." "It's gonna take a moving van to get me out." "Come on, help me." "When I think of all the junk I've collected in 11 years." " I've got cartons." " I'll help." "Where to start?" "All that stuff in the desk is mine, personally." "Oh, the coffee pot is mine." "Those books on the top, I mustn't forget them." "They're worth money..." " Peg." " What's the matter?" "My philodendron." "What am I gonna do with my philodendron?" "Yeah, what?" "Maybe I should dump all the plant food in and head it toward Emmy." " Well, here we are." " Oh, those are great." "You know, even if we do get other jobs, we won't be together." "I'll miss you all terribly." "Don't worry, we'll get together once a year, regularly." "Like the Ziegfeld girls." "I'd like to see you get that on the bus." "I'll say it's alive and pay an extra fare." " Oh, there's my phone." " So what?" "Shouldn't somebody be answering the phone?" "Yes, dear, go right ahead." "Hello." "Uh..." "Uh..." "What...?" "How?" "Does the king of the what drive an automobile?" "The Watusis?" "Would you mind spelling that, please?" "W-A-T-U-S-I-S." "What are Watusis?" "King Solomon 's Mines?" "Oh, the tall natives that were in the movie." "And you want to know if the king drives an automobile?" "Where would I find that?" "Oh, the Herald Tribune." "Just hold on." "Hold the phone." "I'll get that for you." "Hello." "Yes." "I don't quite..." "Mind repeating that?" "Mr. Sumner, would you take this?" "I'm on the other phone." " Oh, sure." "Where is everybody?" " Here we are, Mr. Sumner." "Huh?" "Hello." "What is the information you wanted?" "Corfu?" "All available statistics on Corfu, Miss Warriner." "Yes, sir." "We're getting that information for you." "Just hang on." ""Herald Tribune, November 10th, 1950, page 39." What is this?" "I had a question on the phone about the king of the Watusis." "That's wrong information." "Hello?" "Now, what was the information you wanted?" "Peg, Tribune Index, last fall." "Let's show him what people can do." "Sylvia, Corfu." "As far as we know, it's the Herald Tribune, November 10th, 1950." "I'll tell you what you'll get that date." "A review of the movie, King Solomon 's Mines." " The other phone, Mr. Sumner." " Hang on." " What's the matter with everybody here?" " As if you didn't know." "Hello." "Just be patient, we're trying to get the information for you." "Hang on, will you?" "Corfu, Miss Warriner." " It's coming out now." " Hang on." "Hang on." ""Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer has sent its color cameras and crew into Kenya East Africa, and it's coming up with a whopping good picture."" "Yes." "I could see that picture again." "This is a wrong classification, Miss Warriner." "I'm sorry, sir." "How are we doing on Corfu?" ""Introduced into England by William the Conqueror." "A bell rung every evening."" "Not "curfew," Miss Warriner." ""Corfu."" "I'm terribly sorry." "I didn't understand the spelling." "Sylvia, give them Corfu." ""The island of Corfu is situated off the coast of Albania near the Adriatic." "Scenery beautiful, climate pleasant, soil fertile..."" "Let's see what little Emmy has to say." "What the devil is this?" "It's the poem, "Curfew Shall Not Ring Tonight."" "Isn't that nice?" "Cromwell will not come till sunset And her lips grew strangely white" "As she breathed the husky whisper Curfew must not ring tonight" " What can I do?" " Nothing." "You know you can't interrupt in the middle of a sequence." " Yes, but, Mr. Sumner..." " Be quiet." "Just listen." "She had listened while the judges read Without a tear or sigh" "At the ringing of the curfew Basil Underwood must die" " How long does this go on?" " That old poem has about 80 stanzas to it." "Where are we now?" "She has reached the topmost ladder O 'er her hangs the great dark bell" "Awful is the gloom beneath her Like the pathway down to hell" "Lo, the ponderous tongue is swinging 'Tis the hour of curfew now" "And the sight has chilled her bosom Stopped her breath and paled her brow" "Shall she let it ring?" "No, never" "Flash her eyes with sudden light" "As she springs and grasps it firmly" "Curfew shall not ring tonight" " They hung up, and I know another one." " I got it." "Out she swung, far out The city seemed a speck of light..." "King Watusi drives a specially-built 1954 Pontiac." "Bought it with the money from the movie." "You're welcome." "There 'twixt heaven and earth Suspended as the bell swung to and fro" "Good heavens, what have you done now?" "I don't know." "I don't know!" "Calm down, you have to tell me..." "I can't fix it unless I know the sequence." "I don't know what I did." " It's your machine, not mine." " Is this supposed to be smoldering?" " Don't you touch that machine." " Please stop crying." "Crying won't help because you made a stupid mistake." " Stupid?" " Yes." "Asinine, if you prefer." "There's nothing wrong between me and EMMARAC." "Ever since I got here, you've done nothing but sabotage me." "You all hate me." "I've been forced to work in an atmosphere of hatred and suspicion." "It's all your doing." "You did it." "You did." "And you're just as bad as they are." "I don't know what I did to the machine." "And what's more, I don't care!" "I have to stop this and figure out what she did." "Would this have something to do with it?" "Yes, yes, thanks." "Has anybody got a little piece of wire?" " How about this?" " Oh, that's fine." "Thank you." "I hope he can't fix it." "Peace." "It's wonderful." " The human element." "Entirely unpredictable." " Mr. Sumner, this is for you." " Me?" "Sign here, please." "Well, this is my last pickup, ladies, so I'd better say goodbye." "Oh." "Kenny, not you too." "Did you invent some kind of a machine that carries mail?" "What do you mean?" " Isn't anybody gonna answer a telephone?" " You forget, we don't work here." "You don't work here?" "What did you do?" " Hand me a blunt instrument..." " What did we do?" "Oh." "Good night, sweet prince." "I'm not even on the payroll." "Wait." "Let me get this straight." "Did you all get fired?" " That's right." " Why?" " Why, indeed." " I can tell you what the grapevine says." " It's that big merger." " What do you know about it?" "It's in the paper." "We're joining with the Atlantic Network." " So they're letting most of us out." " That wasn't meant to fire people." "It's supposed to do just the opposite." "Hello." "Get off this line, will you?" "It's urgent." "I wanna speak to Azae." "You wanna talk to him?" "He's been trying to reach you." "What's the matter with everyone down there?" " Yes?" " Azae?" "You broke a promise to me." "Everybody here in Research has been fired." "The whole darn building's been fired." "That crazy, fool machine of yours in Payroll went berserk this morning and gave everybody a pink slip." "No kidding." "But that's impossible." "It just couldn't happen." "All right, sure, sure." "Right away." " What?" "What?" " EMMARAC." " Down in Payroll." "Mistake." " What mistake?" "Some mistake." " We're not really fired?" " No." "Nobody's fired." "Boy, was that close shave." "What's gonna happen when EMMARAC takes over?" "EMMARAC is not going to take over." "It was never intended to replace you." "It's here merely to free your time for research." " Why didn't you say so?" " Because of your darn grapevine." "They didn't want the stock to rise before the merger." "There's gonna be more work here than ever." "In fact, they're hiring a few more girls." "Hope they're as good as you are." " Never assume." " We'll put your stuff back." "Reference." "Miss Watson speaking." "What?" " Well, purely theoretical, of course." " What?" "What?" "What is the total weight of the Earth?" " Who wants to know?" " Who wants to know?" "Promotion." "That's the sort of thing you can spend months finding." "Might as well give her a try." " You'll call them back." " Call you back." "Here we go." "Number one." " Okay." " Now type it out." "What is the total weight of the Earth?" "Now the totaling key." "To you." " What's the matter?" " It's asking you a question." " What's the question?" " "With or without people?"" "Good girl." "Good girl." "May I tell you that that is the nicest compliment EMMARAC has ever received?" "You may." "I better get to Payroll and see how they're doing." "Got another hairpin?" "Oh." "Yes, indeed." " There you are." " Thank you." "Hi, Smithers." "How are you?" "Huh?" "Oh." "I'm all right now." "But it's been a nervous morning." " Aspirin?" " No, thanks." "Hello, Sumner." "Oh, Smithers, come with us." "Sumner's buying." "I don't want a drink in the middle of the day." "You can have a malted." " Miss Watson." " What do you want?" " Could you help with EMMARAC?" " Sumner, does it have to be now?" " Now or never." " Uh..." " Now, look, Mike, I won't be a minute." " Excuse us, old man." "If Emmy's gonna be this much trouble..." "Actually, it's my fault." "It's this question I asked her." "If you should say to me, "What question?" I would tell you." "What question?" "We'll try it again." "Should Bunny Watson marry Mike Cutler?" "Question mark." "Oh, wait a minute." "I thought you said this machine can't evaluate." "Can't." "Can't." "It can only repeat information fed into it by the human elements." "What does it say?" "You know perfectly well what it says." "Ah." "That's the same answer I got the last time." "Shall we ask it another question?" "Good." "Should Bunny Watson marry Richard Sumner?" "Question mark." "N-O." "No?" "See for yourself." "No." "Well, I told you myself that EMMARAC could make a mistake." "Yeah, but not Bunny Watson." "It would never work." " Why?" " Because you don't love me." "You love her." "If anything went wrong with her, you'd forget me like that." "Why, you don't know..." "I couldn't care less about that..." "It could blow up right now, and it wouldn't bother me." "Is that so?" "Let's see." "See." "Doesn't mean a thing to me." "You're the only thing I care about." "Honestly, it'll only take a second." "I'll wait." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group"