"A THOUSAND CLARINETS" "Idea Literary scenario" "Music Lyrics" "Choreographer Assisted by" "Sets" "Sound editors Editor" "Make-up Assistant designer" "Costumes designed by Photo-reporter" "Requisites Costumes made by" "Make-up assistants Assistant editor" "Assistant sound editor Chief electrician" "Sound effects" "Deputy production managers Assisted by" "Production secretary" "Cameraman Assistant cameraman" "Trick shots" "Assistant director Director's assistant" "Script girl" "Production managers" "Director of Photography:" "Directed by:" "English sub-titles:" "Roberta Finlayson Samsour" "Made by Production Unit Film Studios Barrandov" "Processed by Film Laboratories Praha" " Barrandov ...and that's where I went wrong - a little poetry would do no harm." "About turn!" "Left about turn!" "Schulz!" "Down!" "Not you!" "Him over there!" "Schulz!" "Make for the tree on the horizon!" "As usual!" "Forward march!" "And that's what you'll do - till your term of service is up." "Favoritism - that's what I call it." "Patrick, fall out!" "So you believe the war to be a helter-skelter, don't you?" "So you think the Army's a joke?" "That is wrong!" "I'll show you that war is no fun at all." "I'll show you it damn well isn't." "Attention, troop!" "Down!" "Up!" "Down!" "Up!" "Down!" "Up!" "Down!" "Patrick!" "Nothing to do with you, eh?" "I am down!" "I am down!" "Up!" "Schulz!" "Come back!" "It's an order!" "Schulz!" "Schulz!" "With scissors?" "And you know you shouldn't?" " Mmm." " That I know." "But suddenly you get an urge - and snip!" "You did it once?" "And had to stay in after school?" " It's coming to me." " How long?" " Twenty years perhaps." " You are too big for your boots!" "It would have to be s o m e pigtail!" " Look," "I'll finish your lines for you." "And you'll not tell anybody you saw me." "It's a deal!" "Well, thanks." "Are you finished?" "Vagner's gone to pick bilberries, my girl." "Not without my knowing, my lad." "I happen to be his teacher." " No!" "Who?" " Schulz." "He went get far- he's a bungler." "It's one ten." "We must begin at two sharp." "I hope everything's fixed - so we can go on the air in fifty minutes." "What about the music?" "When Professor Vavari pulls the cord..." "That's me?" "Yes - the music starts and goes on - till the first speaker gets up." " Clear." " I am glad to hear so..." "That's all, thank you." "Let's try it, girls." " Choruses of children sing." "Halelujah, glory, glory" "Welcome, memorial day..." " Pigtail Eva!" " Pigtail Eva!" "They're silly!" "Auch, auch" "Hallo, your autograph here, please." " Well, Theresa..." " Oh, hi, Theresa..." " Where have you dropped from?" " Doing reportage here." "And you?" " So my warmest sympathy to you, it is horrible here." "When the Professor unveils the statue - that's the signal to start." "And we will play until he shows up at the tribune." "Look, don't cry!" " I'm not crying." " Like to hear some music?" " Mmm." " Then pull that." "That'll be for TV." " Y...!" "Yes..." "Good life, can't you stop it?" "What?" "What, which Vavari?" "What business had Vavari to touch it?" "And where are the organizers?" "From time immemorial - the sick have some to Alkalis - to restore their health in peace and quiet." "And why here to Alkalis?" "I'm not very sure." "At least you don't look like a soldier." "But I look like a lunatic - and they shut them up, too." "Search the garden!" "You here - the others with me." "Search the attic!" "We'll look here." "Come on!" "Jump through the window!" " Sorry!" "Round the corner, into the garden!" "Halt!" "Prepare for action!" "Violins, nothing but violins!" "Do nothing, please." "We must wait." "How was it?" "Loud enough?" "You were, but it wasn't live." "We begin in ten minutes." "But it'd be all over by then." " So it would." "But that would be a mistake..." "Ah...!" " Auch!" "What a fool..." " Why me..." " Hey!" " And where did you find it?" "Funny, but I was standing there..." "Pack it up and let's go..." "Lest us go!" "The car, quickly!" " Hey!" "Hey!" "That's horrible." "Let's go." "Excuse me interrupting, sir." "No, it's only a game we played as kids." "Ever played at 'sparrows'?" "No, sir, I have not." "I was at a military college from the age of eight." "I must teach you it - it's great fun." "Later, sir." "Now we have more urgent tasks, sir." "A report comes in from Alkalis." "Some trouble in the barracks there." "Always something going on there." "Look, it's very simple..." "This is stones moving, the even over the odd, you see?" "The even over the odd, that's simple." "And who makes the last move is the sparrow." "And must not take a third move." "You can see one..." "In the name of the whole nation, sir" "I beg you to stop playing 'sparrows'." "I await you orders." "All right, let's have a look where it is." "It'll be sector A I. Alkalis, of course." "Yes, Alkalis..." "It happened in this sector here." "As a student, I walked out with two girls." "I knew this part as a student." "Walked out with two girls there - with twins, only I didn't know it." "When one couldn't come, the other came." "Oh, yes, Alkalis!" "It was six months before I found out." "But one day she had a pimple - the nest day none - and then again." "And like a bright lad " "I put two and two together." "Alkalis, hm." "Who's the commandant?" "Colonel Korund." "Look, Kraus, take it over, will you?" "Yes sir, be so good - in writing!" "Alex, come with me for the opening close-up." "And Robert, you shoot what you can." "Tommy, you'll take the long shots." "Where is my microphone?" "OK, thank you." "One minute to go." " Well, no!" "We have to start in a minute." "And we'll begin with that sentry." "We'll see what happens then." " What about us?" " I don't know." "Thank you." "Professor Vavari." "The TV. van's here!" "Hallo, d'you hear me?" "One, two, three..." " Good!" "Cameramen, headphones - let me check!" "No matter what happens, carry on till I stop you." "One, can you hear me?" "Two, can you hear me?" "Three, can you hear me?" "Good." "Can you imagine our Chief when he sees our program?" "Should you need a lecture to do with music " "I am at your disposal." " My hat, what a fool!" " Thank you, I'll think of it." "May I mention it's not a matter of the fee." "Throw him out, we're connected!" "Oh, yeah..." " Excuse me, please." " Well, if this was to concern..." " Scarf!" "...and on the occasion of the anniversary- of the great composer's visit to this spa" "a monument is being unveiled to him." "Dear viewers - please forgive any technical shortcomings." "Today's reportage will be off the cuff!" " Hallo..." "Today our nights are trained on a barracks - but don't switch off." "You'd miss quite a lot!" "Here's this soldier on sentry duty." "Hello, we'd like to do reportage on you barracks." "Here's my TV. pass." "I don't think to be a reason not to let us in today, or..." "Sign this here." " Ok." "Ok." "And 'To dear Karel, with love'" "Certainly- as you wish." "'To dear Karel, with love'" "And now you can go in." " Thank you." "What kind of a show is this?" "D'you want to ruin me?" "Where's the unveiling ceremony?" "Stop it at once, d'you hear?" " Hurray!" "Wait, don't switch off." "But have a nature film ready, right?" "The one with the squirrels!" "I've a surprise for you." "Allow me to introduce:" "Edita and Benjamin Novak!" "Forgive me, I must tell you," "I cannot entertain you," "For I must sleep, sleep, sleep." "Wait till in the morning" "I am woken with the sun." "Now I am sleeping, sleeping, sleeping." "There is nothing here for me apart from my dreams." "All around me hides in the mists" "Even my hands are strange to me." "I do not distinguish day from night" "I do not see where my dream's come from." "I just know to be sleeping, sleeping..." "Oh, yea" "When no one stops me" "Yea!" "I take sleeping pills" "And sleep, and sleep, and sleep." "Do not be angry with me for my bad voice when I sleep, sleep, sleep." "Maybe I dreamt too much for I was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of being surrounded with a thousand of clarinets playing." "And I sang with them at the top of my voice for everyone to understand," "that I know to be sleeping, sleeping..." "I do not know where I'll find myself" "when I wake up." "I do not know where I am sleeping, sleeping." "I just know that the dream of mine did not take place on this Earth where I am sleeping, sleeping, sleeping." "Somewhere in the middle of eternity I dreamt up a girl." "And since then I have dreamt for her only, with her only, about her only." "And so I beg you once again, leave me alone, I have no time now I am sleeping, sleeping, sleeping." "Yea, yea, yea, yea, yea" "Now I am sleeping Oh, I am sleeping." "And so I beg you once again leave me alone, I have no time, now I am sleeping, sleeping, sleeping." " Hurray!" "Where's the staff?" " the cowards!" "Cowards!" " Excuse me." "My, what a treat, sun clock..." "We're lost." " No, we're saved." "I know him." "It's that idiot Hubert." "Our use of the window was - tactical." " Yes." "Nothing without a plan." "Understand?" " Yes." "And you've seen nobody." "Remember?" " Yes." " D'you know what a scout it?" " Yes, a kind of spy." " Right." "Last week the lads beat one of them up!" "Right." "That'll be your job now." "Voluntarily, or is it to be and order?" " There's a good lad!" " Oh, well, voluntarily." "For tactical reasons - the Staff is moving into bunkers." "Direction bunker, forward crawl!" "You'll bring me news in the bunker." " Yes sir." "I have a request." "Could you tell our viewers - what has actually happened?" "We were on the drilling ground - and Lt. Max sent him to the tree." " Pardon." "Who did he send?" "Schulz, of course." " I see." "Funny bloke, always played the clarinet." " No." "And who is Lt. Max?" "Our commandant." " He is our commandant." "And all at once he made off." "Your commandant?" "No, Schulz, of course." " I see." "Thank you very much for trying." "May I?" " You may." "Don't touch it - not this Zeiss lens..." "Excuse me, but could you explain?" "Me?" "Of course, Corporal Kyncl, brewery owner." "In civil life, after Dad - of course." " Pleased to meet you." "My wife, research worker." "Does not interest you particularly, what?" " No." "What interests you is - how it all really happened, right?" " Yes." " So I'll tell you." "Here, or..." " Naturally." " Naturally, but where?" " Here." " Here, yes." " Pardon me..." " Well..." "Now to how it really happened." "Schulze ran off deserted - that's a fact." "Here we armed a pursue squad - on pressure from above, of course - and we found Schulze in a lady's apartment." " And?" "I chanced to be the first to enter it." "Schulze jumped out of the window - was joined by a figure in uniform - which he had evidently exchanged for civvies." " Thank you." "We pursued the fleeing pair- and succeeded in surrounding them..." "Where now, please?" " Here, please." "I surrounded them both - but then the figure in uniform disappeared - and Schulze started to run." "I was going to shoot - of course, on pressure from above - when suddenly I saw that my..." " Thank you for your information." " Yeah, but..." " Dear Viewers - you have heard the first impressions of eye-witnesses of this strange transformation." "And seeing all have instruments - and the popular singer Edita's here - we shall try a little experiment." "The singer is Edita..." " Jesus!" "... accompanied by the First Artillery Section." "What shall I sing?" "What shall I sing?" " In Opera." "In Opera." "In Opera!" "In Opera!" "When I was very small" "My wish was most of all" "To sing in a big choir." " In Opera!" "When I was somewhat bigger I was told that I should rather" "Knock at the door of opera." " In Opera!" "Somebody said:" "Come in." "I found myself within and began an aria to sing." "About Johnny and Mary." "Now my checks all pale" "I wait who'll seal my fate," "But nobody moves or speaks, not even the lights go up." "My hopes go dim," "My career in opera is over- before it has begun." "My career in opera is over!" "My hopes go dim, my career in opera is over- before it has begun." " Bravo, Edita!" "Give me the mike to say something." "But briefly, please." " Briefly?" "Very briefly." " Hurray!" "That was an unrehearsed manifestation!" "An expression of joy over what happened in our beloved barracks." "All right?" "Excellent!" " All right!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Back!" "Back ten meters!" "Hallo!" "How much?" "250,000?" "We did not intend to accept ads - for such an important program." "I know, the whole nation are watching." "Well, that is the reason." "We don't wish to make money on it." "350,000?" "Well..." "But confirm by wire." "Yes, Lemonade Super." "Insert in the program - no, not the nature film - go to hell with those squirrels of yours!" "the ad." "For Lemonade Super." "Back once more - slowly!" "Damn it!" "Sit down!" "Forward - quickly!" "Go to blazes!" "I'm a driver, not a shunter." "It's desertion!" "Back!" "Back!" "OK?" "We are ready." "Let's go!" "Now let's have a look - at the conductor of this garrison - or rather at the Commandant of this band." "Sorry." "Please, Gustik..." "So this is your Commandant's room?" "Yes, Colonel Korund's." "Full of clothes, strangely disordered." "What can be in the wardrobe then?" " Clothes." "We're in luck, the Commandant's here." "What entitles you to this aggression?" "You'll forgive reporters - but the public likes to be informed." "Our viewers would welcome your views - on the situation here." "But if you could somehow..." "Come out, is that it?" " Yes." " Well..." "Now..." "The situation has much of interest:" "especially the transformation - of our arms into musical instruments." "Music is the triumph of the human spirit." "I welcome this transformation - and hope all will soon grasp its significance." "It is clear you're a keen music-lover." "Our viewers would like to know since when." " Even though it might look like not, since childhood." ""As a toddler, always singing;"" "at school they nicknamed me Violin Clef." " As you can see, your childhood story is very amusing." "So what better than end our interview - by asking you for a song!" "Sorry, I'm indisposed..." "Sing!" "Sing!" " Please..." "Below the blue mountains on the distant horizon" "There was a small cottage." "There we played happily as children" "There our mother kissed us sweetly..." "On crossing a certain line - all our arms change to instruments." "What rubbish is that, Kraus?" "What have we planes for?" "Go away!" "Gentlemen, what a blockhead!" "Are you hot?" "Are you hot?" "If you are hot, drink Lemonade Super!" "A super blockhead!" "And to conclude our reportage - a review of the Alkalis garrison troops - with Edith taking the salute!" "Present arms!" "The whole garrison is assembled for review." "Thank you." " And here ends our topical reportage." "Good bye!" "Dismiss!" "How was it?" " My congratulations, Miss." " Thank you." "Parachutists!" "We used to have a ball in bright colors." "And the colorful ball hit my sister's head." "And my sister kicked it up and the ball jumped up and suddenly disappeared." " And my sister kicked it up and the ball jumped up and suddenly disappeared." "Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " In excitement we ran away." "Vaguely suspecting that the game would not be finished." "No trace of the ball at all." "None of us understood where the ball could have gone." " No trace of the ball at all." "None of us understood where the ball could have gone." "Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " We crept through all trenches of the world." "In the many years gone by." " And no one can feel our desire to return the ball into the game." " We walk along pavements wade through mud." "Where the path is not straight we are happy to make a turn." " At any rate we want to find the ball, so deceitfully and suddenly disappearing." " At any rate we want to find the ball, so deceitfully and suddenly disappearing." "Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where's the ball?" " Where did you hide it?" " Where did you hide it?" "Excuse me, madam, where's the Commandant?" "Special shock squad of parachutists - sent to liquidate revolt in Alkalis barracks - has reached destination, but task unfulfilled." "We shall remain till things clear up." " Supper!" " Hurray!" "For long I've collected you photos - and now I see you're quite different." " Disappointed?" " Not yet." "Having supper with us?" " Not yet." "Here is the soup." "Move on, please." "That's it..." "Here's the soup." " Thanks." " You are welcome." "Bye." "I must tell you I fired you today." "Then I took it back." "But if it turns out badly it'll be a bad lookout for me." "Pack up now and call me in the morning." "Great." "Theresa," "Theresa alone." "Theresa alone." "Should hear this song of mine." "I was feeling sick." " Yeah?" "Had to lean against the truck, see?" "Did it help?" "Of course, now I'm fine." "Well, bye." "Auch!" "Aauch!" "What's going on here?" " We've potato pancakes and a program." "It's reserved here!" "Look, get away, get away!" "Get back!" "Dear friends, I shall now ask " "Sergeant Nikolas for the first number." "I've often seen you in TV. - but I never dreamed we'd talk together." " Neither did I." " NO?" "I wish" "I could see my face in the golden plate" "of his holy trumpet." "I wish" "I could see its glow, two black hands" "and two white cuffs." "I wish" "I could hear the voice, like everybody, who love jazz, so familiar to all of us." "I wish" "I could play..." "Hello, Satchmo, hallo." "Hello, Satchmo ...like you." "I wish" "I could hear the voice," "so familiar to all of us." "I wish" "I could play..." " Hello, Satchmo, hallo." " Hello, Satchmo." "...like you." " Do not be surprised with my courage." "And if you feel offended, stop frowning, that is enough as my song is ending up here." "Attention, please!" "Attention, please!" "Lost a cigarette case - answering to the name Karel." "I repeat:" "Lost a cigarette case - answering to the name 'Leopold'." "Finder kindly hand it to me." "If he doesn't want to, let him keep it." "The next number:" "Edita!" "I try to figure out in vain, why most men do not like to see a lady cold and passive." "Recently one came to me sweet and nice." "And really sophisticated and addressed me:" " You would just sit and keep quiet." "And that is not what it should be and I am warning you." "So for you to know I am going to propose love." "So for you to know I love you" " I do not like men enforcing attention." "Buying happiness from women in exchange of money." "These men are not for me." "I prefer the one coming modestly and calmly" "and saying:" " You would just sit and keep quiet." "And that is not what it should be and I am warning you." "So for you to know I am going to propose love." "So for you to know I love you." " The one who came yesterday to the street where I live," "in the darkness of the dusk, he was very smart." "His eyes were glowing tenderly and he asked shyly and when I said Yes," "he whispered in quiet voice:" " You would just sit and keep quiet." "And that is not what it should be and I am warning you." "So for you to know I am going to propose love." "So for you to know I love you." "How much?" "What?" "I see, I see..." "Wait, wait, wait, I will..." "Oh, yes, Diana furniture." "The pastry people have also got moving..." "We've over 200,000 - of course, take everything." "One Moment!" " Telegram." "Alkalis program excellent." "Interested in ad." "In similar program." "Implemented in the closest link with surreality." "Offer half a million for six slogans - in 60-minute revue." "Limo Super  Company." " Hallo?" "Reject all offers." "What?" "I repeat: reject all offers." "And don't ask after my state of health!" "Have you spoken to Teresa?" " Can't get a connection." " Jesus, Can't get!" "Night gown!" "Half a million's at stake, woman!" "Permit me to sing a song." " Bravo!" " Bravo!" "The tune's well known - but the words are my own." "Theresa, Theresa alone, should hear this song of mine." "The others will forgive me, that she alone interests me." "For her and for no other" "I wish to live and sing." "Theresa, Theresa alone, is the one and only reason," "why I am standing here." "Proudly and without fear, singing like chanticleer this song of mine." "Maybe in a year or two she'll know who loved her so." "Know that love is sweet and terrible when it's one-sided" "and inevitable." "Theresa, read Theresa the question in my eyes." "Written in block capitals is the message I have for you." "You know before you read it, what it is I ask of you." "At home they always wondered " "I wasn't ashamed to sit idle." "But I preferred to be ashamed - to doing anything." "Now I'd like to put some questions - to our visitors from the skies:" "Please." "And before they show their art to us..." "Please." "I will ask them a couple of nosy questions." "Well, question one:" "Is great courage needed to jump?" "Yes, either that or a good push." "What do you think of when falling?" " Of my wife." " Excellent." "And you?" " Of his wife." "He's making great strides." "last week he thought of Donald Duck." "What could you say about falling as such?" "Today the incidence of falls is high - the forms of descent various." "Falls are most frequent with children - most popular with gentlemen - and deepest with ladies." "Are we not confusing the physical with the moral?" "There is really no difference." "both begin with attraction - and end..." "With a bashed-in dial." "Only the first is self-inflicted- whereas the other is not." " That is..." "Well, sorry." "So let us accept the words of experienced parachutists." "And what will you take leave of us with?" "With a song to a girl - with immense gravitational force." " Babetta!" " Oh, the beer..." "Thanks." "Well?" "Little Babetta went away and I would bet, that Babetta confused it for she left me behind alone." "She probably does not know, that solo is not fit for me and that without her I make mistakes" "Catch Babetta, to be here with me again." "Little Babetta went away and I say, come what may." "You are grown up, so go and then come back." "Every day at dusk I will remember and sing about little Babetta going away and about my love for her." "When Babetta returns, ache will know to have made a mistake." "And she will want to fulfill her promise once made to me." "Little Babetta went away and I am here sick and pale." "But there is still a hope, that when she gets to know the world, she will figure out that it is high time to return." "I can see her calling taxi." "Where is she, why is she so late?" "You know this Babetta I bet, will return by the summer and will be back." "Every day at dusk I will remember and sing about little Babetta going away and about my love for her." "When Babetta returns, she will know to have made a mistake." "And she will want to fulfill her promise once made to me." "Ha, ha, ha, ha" "Once made to me." "Little Babetta went away and left me behind alone." "She left me behind, being in great hurry and I do not know where she went." "I have bought a first-class cane and I enjoy thinking about" "Babetta not knowing to be beaten when she comes back." "Babetta went away and will come back." "Maybe in seven years, maybe in eight, or maybe in a hundred and fifty years." "But I will keep waiting and singing, how Babetta went away and how she will return." "When Babetta returns, she will know to have made a mistake." "And she will want to fulfill her promise once made to me." "Ha, ha, ha, ha" "Once made to me." "Ha, ha, ha, ha" "Once made to me." "Babetta" "La la la la la" "La la la la la" "Attention!" "Attention!" "Special announcement!" "Dear lads, I speak to you as comrades." "We have always got on well together." "Don't let yourselves be provoked." "Keep calm and tomorrow - everything will be back to normal." "Come for a friendly talk at roll-call - with your own Commandant - your good old Dad." "End of announcement." "End of announcement." "Last post?" "How come?" "And make the beds well it is for the ladies." "Get moving, lads!" "Finish up here - we're expecting ladies!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" " Some perfume Some perfume" "To scent it, or No?" "Have you got it?" " Yea." "So here you are." "I put a flower there for you." "An azalea." " Oh, this is lovely." " No, not you." "Yours is the third on the right." " Good night." " Good night, Beni." " Behind that corner, please." "Behind that corner, there..." "I have made the bed for you, ladies." "Auch!" "And sweet dreams..." " Thanks" " Hank's ...maybe about me." " Oh, my..." "If anybody had said - I'd sleep in a barracks tonight..." "Well, what about it?" "I'm wondering." " Well, what are you up to?" " Do you want to be up or down?" " It is stupid." " Should hear this song of mine." "Theresa, Theresa alone, is the one and only reason." "Maybe in a year or two she'll know, who loved her so." "Know, that love is sweet and terrible, when it's one-sided" "and inevitable." "Theresa, read Theresa the question in my eyes." "You know before you read it, what it is I ask of you." " Good night." " Good night!" "Theresa, Theresa alone, should hear this song of mine." "Is the door locked?" "Don't be afraid, we're on guard." "I told you to keep mum, mum, mum - and you gab, gab, gab." "It's all right, nobody heard anything." "Good evening." " Good evening." " We thought we'd..." " No." "You said we'd..." "Just a little..." " Thank you." " ...token." "But now we can go." "Don't close it!" "Not that..." " Hallo, hallo, hey!" "Hallo, hallo, hey!" " Open it!" "Open it!" " Here!" "The window!" " Hey!" "Hey!" "Switch it on." "I am." "Transmission truck 25" "Barracks beside Spa Alkalis." "Theresa." "D'you hear me, Theresa?" "Yes." "We're just packing up." "You know I appreciate your work, don't you?" "You need something again?" "Y o u need something - opportunity!" "Stay put and fix up a revue." "You've got a free hand." "Wonderful, but..." "But..." "There is a but." "But I'll send you everything you need." "D'you agree?" "I agree, but...?" "Actually there are three 'buts'." "You must work in six ads for Lemonade Super." " Hm." "Six times Lemonade Super." "No politics, no indecency." "And I'm sending a ballet." "A superfluity of men for my taste." "And the third 'but'?" "You know I've faith in you - you mustn't let me down." "The revue must be on TV. tonight." " What, what?" "Yes, at 9 p.m." "That's not a 'but', it's a body blow!" "For you it'll be rather a risky job." "Certain high places will not be amused." "But if anything transpires - don't expect me to do anything." "But otherwise an attractive proposition!" "Say Yes and I may well send you - a hun..." "...eighty thousand." "Tonight at nine." "Theresa, you're smashing!" "Breakfast." " Oh, Pat," "I was just thinking about you." "Now I had a phone call with my boss, tonight..." "I'm sorry, but it's time to get up." "Thank you." "What the hell are you doing here?" "You'll hear about this!" "Seram!" "The first time " "I've volunteered for guard duty." "What is it?" "Alarm!" "Colonel Kolert, Colonel Schling, Mayor Lang." "Welcome." "Can you give any explanation, Professor?" "No." "Attention!" "Ever worked with such a disciplined ensemble?" "Tonight at 9, lads,- a sensational revue in TV." "How exciting view!" " That'll be something to watch!" "No, you are performing!" "Out of 100 minutes 75 are yours." "Whoever can do anything fall out." "A promising start, what?" "Don't worry, they're only shy." "Soldiers!" "Attention!" "Those who can - turn left." "Those who can't - turn right, forward march!" "We're to go here..." "They said so just now..." "Those who can do something, go there." "Here?" " Those go to the left." "Strict orders!" "No entry!" "We're to appear there tonight in a TV. show." " In T.V.?" "Out of the question!" "Look, this is not possible, ladies!" "Now stop it please!" "Welcome, come in, welcome..." "Splendid, excellent." "Well, what can you do?" " Nothing." "Violin company!" "Here, you need a bow as well." "What about you?" " My pal here." "Can imitate an owl." "Let's hear it!" "Interesting - but I hear nothing." "Yesterday it came off well." "Sorry, no time." "Violin company." "What's gone wrong with him?" "Stage fright, or what?" " Quiet, please!" "People work here!" "I've seen you so often in TV. - but I never thought we'd talk together." "I seem to have heard that before." "I thought it sounded familiar." "What can you do?" "Gentlemen - in no case - but..." " No, by no means!" " It is not true that..." " I disagree..." "What are we to do?" "Capitulate?" "Who said 'capitulate'?" "No, no - nobody would dare." "Why don't we go into action?" "We've nothing to go into action with." "Something's gone wrong with our arms." "Take a leaf out of your history books." "In the Stone Age - no m.g.s, no tanks - and how they fought!" "Stones, gravitation and - a pinch of Neanderthal common sense - which you evidently lack." "I have a plan." " Really?" " The main convention up..." "Have you seen Vagner?" " Who's he?" "A boy." " Peep!" " You're robbers?" "Yes - no - we are just 'uncles'." "I seem to know that one." "Aren't you Giant Matthew?" "The one that devours sheep." "D'you devour sheep?" " Yes, he does," "Yes, he does." " What lovely toys!" "No girlie." "Only for uncles these." "Well, let's sing Little Bo-Peep." "Do you know the song 'Where are you rushing, old snail?" "'" "All right, we'll sing it " "Where are you rushing, old slug?" " 'Old snail!" "'" " Well, old snail, yes." "Old snail." " Old snail." " If you promise not to tell anyone - about us being here." " All right, if it's so important." " Gentlemen!" " Where are you rushing, old snail?" "You cannot catch your breath." "Return to your meadow and do not spit on the path." "La, la, la, la..." "Yea!" "Feeling sick again?" " But..." "I'm off duty, waiting for the library to open." " I see, the library..." " Well." "The library's over there." " Oh." "Oh, then I am sick really..." "Auch..." "Once more then." "One." "Two." "Three." "You see, you can if you try." "Tonight at 9 in the Alkalis barracks." "Do not miss this sensational event!" "I repeat:" "Tonight at 9 in the Alaklis barracks." "Girls!" "Girls!" "Anything wrong, soldier boy?" " Quick, follow me!" "Sorry." "Tonight at 9 in the Alkalis barracks." "And now all three notes together." "Attention!" "One." "Two." "Three." "You see you can do it if you try!" "Once more then." "Tiptoe not to wake the girl, who, as you know," "has not left her house long." "Who knows, what's wrong with her." "Who knows, what's wrong with her." "That she has not left her house long." "Tiptoe not to wake the mercury soaring up and up." "Even though yesterday still cringed modestly down." "It's bad, when there is an illness in the house." "It's bad, when there is an illness in the house." "Where someone lives alone." "High fever carries the girl away into infinite blue grey gardens where her hand nearly touches the places from where there is no return." "Tiptoe not to wake the house, the garden and the bars" "the pale window missing something and the one not leaving the house." "And the one, the one, the one, not leaving the house." "Not leaving the house so long." "Good morning." "Sorry..." "He can do it now." " All right." "Lost something, little one?" "I'm of medium height - and I'm looking for Miss Theresa." "We'still don't know what we'll sing." "Oh..." "And you can sing already?" "Of course." "I'm in the choir." "To look at you, you're a born soloist." "Where are you dragging the boat, captain?" "Do not climb the stairs with it, sir." "You will wake up the tenants." "In the basement, on the floor the caretaker will scold you." "For he is a giant." "Look you have knocked the railing with the anchor." "Beware!" "I will tear your overalls." "Keep your jokes for yourself." "and return to the Mississippi." "The boat needs water from the morning till the evening, splashing and splashing." "And splashing and splashing." "And splashing and splashing." " And splashing and splashing." "I wouldn't have that in TV." "Only it's not you who decides." "Like it?" "It's our school hymn." "We should have stood at attention!" "Oh, no, only crazy words to a crazy tune." " Ok, thanks." "Next number, please." "Gentlemen!" "First we surround the provocation area." "Having observed the enemy's preparations " "at Zero hour our unit penetrates the object - from the rear." "All performers to be liquidated." "It will be mainly a matter of fisticuffs." "Women to be placed under guard in area" "'W'." "Current will then be cut off." "Mopping-up to be completed by 'O2'hours." "We reoccupy the area- and guard against counter-attack." "First operational officer." "Second operational officer." "Third operational officer." "Communications - rearguard - Commander of the rear." " provisions." "Commander-in-chief and director of operations - myself, gentlemen." "Only it's not clear who are the men." "The striking force is Pte Hubert." "Here, sir!" " Soldier Hubert," "Today you'll carry out an important operation." "At 19 hours you'll surround the barracks - gain a complete picture of enemy preparations." "You'll need it for further actions." "This is the plan." "If they catch you, not a word, understand?" " No, not even under torture!" "No torture, only don't gab!" "Swear!" "I swear to behave as my country expects me!" " March on!" "About turn!" "Cross!" "Cross!" "About turn!" "One, two, three!" "Once again." "Pay attention!" "March on!" "About turn!" "Cross!" "Cross!" "About turn!" "One, two, three!" "Not try it without me!" "March on!" " That's clear, girls!" "A couple of steps..." " About turn!" " Eight." " Eight." "Puete, puete," " Three!" " sautee, position one, passee" " About turn!" " walk on" " One, two, three!" " and a parody of a pirouette." " Now I hope it will be all right." "Let's go." " March on!" "About turn!" "Cross!" "Cross!" "About turn!" "One, two, three!" "I said only in the last resort!" "Ministry of Defence." "Yesterday's reportage went far enough - but what you are preparing today- is a positive insult to our Army." "I forbid you most emphatically- to carry out this provocation!" "Allow me to remind you, sir- we are an independent TV station." "Please." "Of course." "I respect your decision." "Were we under the Ministry of Defence - we should obey your order." "But as it is, please forgive us." "We can sing a whole hour:" "'A Nosegay of Flowers', 'Choruses of children sing in glory'" "'You are like the bird', 'Song of my Country'..." "And your school hymn, what?" "No, that's only for us." "I love to see you in TV." " Yeah?" "Only at home they always switch you off." "They say you're too flighty." "I still don't know what to put on these girls." "Such pretty girls - they don't need anything." " Come on, we'll think it out." "It's a quarter to six - a quarter to a lot." "A quarter to too much." "Well, girls, show what you can do." "Let's go, let's go!" "Let's go, rush!" "Choruses of girls sing in glory:" "Hallelujah, glory, glory welcome, glorious day." " Glory, glory, hallelujah Glory, hallelujah" "Glory, glory, hallelujah Glory, hallelujah" " Glory, glory, hallelujah Glory, hallelujah" "Glory, glory, hallelujah Glory, hallelujah..." "I've found this costume." "Quite mad, but that's the idea, eh?" "What do you say to that?" "Take it off this minute!" "I thought it'd be funny..." "Off with it!" "Anybody got a lighter?" "Here." "Thanks." "And seram!" "As and amateur director" "I have a number of productions - both highly successful." "For instance, my Hamlet for Kiddies - with Mickey Mouse in the title-role." "'To be or not to be...'" "This better?" "I'll take it." "Let's go." "Prepare number three!" "Sit down, Director." " Cut." "Let's hope she keeps to my conception." "Stop!" "Bungler, where does the arrow come from?" "From the right." " Reply in a whole sentence!" "The arrow comes from the right." "And where did you come from?" "Oh, yes - a mistake!" "And now let's shoot it!" "Sometimes I think, that love is remote." "I do not eat, I do not sing and my knees are shaking." "The feeling fades away like mist, whenever I see you and my soul is at peace." " I believe to be a butterfly, thinking stubbornly, that it is no fun to be flying from one flower to another." "And that is why I have decided for the most beautiful flower and want to live for it alone." "Perhaps I have said more than I meant to." " That is life." " It is because, that I know that you are the one." "My head goes round..." " Perhaps because of the lilac." "And you would like to write poems with an eyebrow pencil." "All that will have the same reason, known to me for a long time, that love creates sleepless nights." " Now, now, now..." " I believe to be a butterfly, thinking stubbornly, that it is no fun to be flying from one flower to another" "And that is why I have decided for the most beautiful flower and want to live for it alone." " Perhaps you have said, more than you meant to." "That is life." " It is because, that I know, that you are the one." " Your head goes round, perhaps because of the lilac." "And you would like to write poems with an eyebrow pencil." "All that will have the same reason, known to me for a long time, that love creates sleepless nights." "That love creates," " Yes, sir." " creates sleepless nights..." " Yes, sir." "Oh yes, my baby." "Sorry." "I like jazz." "You wish?" "I've thought it all well over- and I'd like to work with you." "I never despised music, on the contrary." "So maybe I could be of some use." "I believe you could." "You could bring us sandwiches." "Following the order!" "Who was that?" "Attention!" "I have my doubts..." "Sir, special task force awaiting orders!" "Dismiss!" "Sir, these boys know their job." "Sorry." "It was with them, some years ago..." "Really?" "Don't say so." "It's dangerous to touch the stars, fallen to the ground, fallen from the heaven." "It's dangerous to touch you." " The stars read, why I go to bed with sorrow in the evening," " Why, why, why?" " why I cry when I wake up," " Why, why?" " and why no one loves me." "Why I say to myself so often, that I must get married soon." "And why I do not lock my door" " In the night." " in the night," " In the night." " even though I know, that I should be afraid." " Stop!" "Beni, too high a key- down a bit!" "Saxy to the left " "Claudia, watch the red light." "I know - the red light..." "Yes, and keep an eye on her- first time before the camera." "And absolute silence, please!" "And now we're shooting!" "All ready!" "It's dangerous to touch the stars, fallen to the ground, fallen from the heaven." "It's dangerous to touch you." " The stars read," "why I go to bed with sorrow in the evening," " Why, why, why?" " why I cry when I wake up," " Why, why?" " and why no one loves me." "Why I say to myself so often, that I must get married soon." "And why I do not lock my door" " In the night." " in the night," " In the night." " even though I know, that I should be afraid." " It's dangerous to touch the stars, fallen to the ground, fallen from the heaven." "It's dangerous to touch you.." " Plunge into danger, that is honor for us." "Today we must together touch the stars." "Today we must together touch the stars." "And now let's see what you've learned." "Please..." "Splendid." "Carry on." "What d'you mean?" "Go on playing." "That's all?" " That's all." "Clearly the finale." "Dismiss!" " Theresa..." "TV- that's something, what?" "Who wants some coffee?" "I do and one for Theresa." "Burnus is my name." "here's a letter for you from our Chief." "He might know by now how I spell my name - and since when so official?" "We're to put you into the program for sure." "It was his express wish." " Please." " Please." "That's supper over." " But at least we have a clown." "First I must strike a match - or else I couldn't see it." "Now." "Gentlemen, Hubert has made it!" "I think Luck is with us." "On TV tonight, sensational nature film - 'The True Life of Squirrels'." "With squirrels drinking Lemo Super!" "Maybe it's better that way." "A revue in one day is crazy." "The'll put it right in an hour. " "But that's too late, damned!" "Come out all of you, we supply the lights!" " Speed up!" "Good!" "Never mind, mainly it'll be fun." "And this here." "As a boy I always loved clowns." "Horses, lions, artistes - nothing interested me so much as clowns." "In one minute we shall link up with " "Theresa's Revue from Alkalis." "Let me..." "The TV set has gone broken again." "Attention!" "We ask all performers to get ready." "We begin in one minute!" "Attention!" "We begin in one minute!" "Good evening to all viewers." "Allow me to pay a silent tribute - to the man whom we must thank most of all - for order in the world." "Thank you." "I have in mind the inventor of barbed wire." "His discovery assigns to people - their proper place, quietly and without fuss." "Another inventor devoted his talent - to chaos and confusion - by inventing wireless communication - which disregards the barrier of barbed wire." "I'd like to run and meet you - only I'd tear my dress - on the barbed wire all round me." "But here in the building behind me - are a thousand clarinets." "I'm terribly glad about these clarinets." "If they were guns," "I'd probably be afraid." "To put it shortly:" "Tonight I'm happy- because I don't need to be afraid." "But forgive me - I nearly forgot:" "I drink daily:" "LEMO SUPER." "Refreshing and tastes delicious!" "May today's program be a huge success," "And every song we sing sound its best..." "I find it very important!" "Yea!" " Turn the spotlights on us, for the world to see us." "Alcohol is a whip three and two make five." "That's why we like drinking the delicious Super lemonades." "Thinking about our pockets, we buy cheap." "We will not turn alcoholics, we will have change for a cinema ticket." "la la la la la la bow wow la la la la la la bow wow" " Who calls a hen a dickey-bird and then cuts off its head," " he should not listen to our jokes, for it would not be decent of him." " We are not advocates of hens." "We only think it nice, to nest foolish ideas under our caps." "Foolish ideas." "Foolish ideas." "We're lost!" "We're lost!" "Gentlemen, come and look!" "The second from the right, by Jove!" "What lovely legs!" "A sight for sore eyes!" "Wait, I can't see!" "Lovely!" "Have that at home and..." " Like in the cinema once..." "Music?" "What is music?" "Music, you know, is just one." "It's blues!" "Sorry." "Boom!" "Boom!" "Rhapsody in boom!" "All the melodies in the world - reduced to a single boom!" "Boom!" "Did you hear that?" "Concentrated Lehar!" "What could be lovelier?" "War has the most complicated rhythms." "Peace is immoral!" "War regulates the world's population!" "War means the survival of the fittest!" "Without it humanity would degenerate - into a herd of weedy musicians." "What are you laughing at?" "Don't shout, I'm not a regiment!" "I am just one." "Have you ever spoken with one at all?" "LIMO SUPER makes less noise - but refreshes more!" "Hallo, hallo!" "No, I am not speaking!" "Hallo" " I'm speaking - but nobody will listen..." "Hallo" " Robert?" "No, I didn't see it." "How did it turn out?" "Theresa, Theresa alone, should hear this song of mine." "The others will forgive me, that she alone interests me," "For her and for no other" "I wish to live and sing..." "Theresa, Theresa alone, is the one and only reason" "Why I am standing here, proudly and without fear, singing like chanticleer this song of mine." "Maybe in a year or two she'll know, who loved her so." "Know, that love is sweet and terrible, when it's one-sided" "and inevitable." "Theresa, read Theresa, the question in my eyes." "Written in block letters is the message I have for you." "You know before you read it, what it is I ask of you." "Theresa, Theresa alone, should hear this song of mine." "The others will forgive me, that she alone interests me," "For her and for no other" "I wish to live and sing..." "Theresa, Theresa alone, is the one and only reason, why I am standing here, proudly and without fear, singing like chanticleer this song of mine." "Maybe in a year or two she'll know, who loved her so." "Know, that love is sweet and terrible, when it's one-sided" "and inevitable." "Colonel, we've got him, sir!" " Got who?" " Come with me." "Written in block letters is the message I have for you." "You know before you read it, what it is I ask of you." "I'd like to take violin lessons with you." "I think this is not a suitable time." "It's night..." "Defend yourself!" "Defend yourself!" "THE END" "Ballet corps of the Alhambra Theatre and of the Theatre in Karlin"