"My name is..." "My name is Matt VanDyke." "I am 29 years old." "I Wear a special knife by Smith  Wesson." "The blade extends." "It's a simple pocketknife." "It's a fine blade with partial serrated edge." "I also wear a knife, attached to the tibia." "For cutting ok, mainly intended for piercing." "And that's the bulletproof vest." "In addition to body armor and jacket I wear a helmet, of course." "This helmet has a camera holder." "In the next video clip I come back to it." "Lastfall,Imet MattVanDyke." "Hewas,as he toldme,  athomein Baltimore, whentherevolutionbrokeoutinLibya." "rebelsfightingMuammarGaddafi, thedictatorof thecountry." "WhenMattheardabouttheuprising, hetookoff, tojointherebels." "Inhispocket hehadavideocamerawithme." " Ok, are you ready?" " Yes." "How someone came from Baltimore to to fight in a Libyan revolution?" "I do not know." "Werethereanyinfluencesinearly adolescence?" "As a child I read always ChooseYourOwnAdventure" "Books  ." "This is a great whitewater adventure!" "MymotherAccordingtoI was asa childveryadventurous." "Igrewup withactionmovieson." "Iwantedto be aCIA agent." "ThenI wantedto be aspy ." "Moviesimpressedme verymuch." "I'm the new Indiana Jones." "Infact,Igrewup protectedandpamperedon." "Be careful, if you hochhebst the stones." "Iwastheonlychild anonlychildofa singlechild ." "AndI grewup in ahouse, wheremygrandparents withmymotherand melived." "Iwasthecenterofthefamily ." "You see perhaps smart." "Asa student,Ilivedathome, inthe basement." "Ididnothavemany friends." "MightyGeneral." "Majesty." "TemporaryI satfor12hours thepieceplayedonthecomputerand." "Thevictoryis ours,Almighty." "Allmyadventureswerevirtual." "Not at all injured." "Lawrence of Arabia Isawforthe firsttime when Iwas incollege." "Hewasoneofmyfavoritemovies ." " These are not ordinary men." " I do not want ordinary men." "Idecided tostudytheMiddleEast ." "AndsoIwent theGeorgetownUniversity andtookamaster'sdegreeinMiddle Eaststudies ." "Butitwasall  purelyacademicandintellectual." "Ihadnevereven havebeenin theArabworld." "WhenI graduated," "Ididnotknowmuch  abouttherealworld." "Istillwantedto do  something extraordinary." "ButhereIwas ,mid 20th motherandgrandmother boughtmygroceries andwashedmy clothes." "Ineverevenpaidmybills ." "Ihadno work." "Ihadto do somethingdrastic." "I needed quite quickly a change of course in my life." "And I suggested the most serious way at all a." "A crash course to become a man." "OnedayIwas sittingathome andwatchedon televisionAlbydefect." "Heisan Australianfilmmaker ofthe70sand 80s ." "Heembarkedon amulti-yearjourneyon, tookallpossible crazyadventurein Africaand soon." "Andheproduced someverypopularfilmsinAustralia." "Everything OK?" "He had this blond haired and was somehow dressed funny, with cut-off jeans, no shirt." "Buthisfilmswas somethingintrinsically, theveryapproached." "HewaslikeaHollywoodhero fromreallife." "Andinsteadof simplyotherpeopletofilm, hetookhimself andhisadventureson." "He was exactly what ..." "Such a life I wanted to lead." "AndI decided," "TravelAdventureMovies howtomakeuse ofAlby defect." "Ok, this is the first shot with the new camera." "Iboughtacameraanda motorcycle." "Iwantedacutting-edge WorldAdventuresdocumentaryrotate." "Itshouldmy crashcourse willbein termsofmanhood." "AndI wantedto holdonfilm ." "Didyouhopedbysuch afilm and your actions therein and your role in front of the camera, to the transfer on real life?" "Yes." "Yes, it was." "Iwantedto be different." "Iwantedmy lifetoredesign, withthecameraasa tool ." "I was sure that he wanted to do something," "MATTS GIRLFRIEND the him to be more independent and more responsibility would force for his daily life." "Lauren is responsible and somehow down to earth." "She is on permanent contracts and holding me with their rational nature to a little more realism." "This was one reason why I found, the trip would do him good." "For all that he would have to do it yourself." "No one else would be there, to help him or do for him." "That's a fabulous recording." "The coming into the film." "Monkeys, what are you doing?" "Let go." "Heaven." "Ok, I'm in Gibraltar, to the Pillars of Hercules." "Behind me is the first what I saw of Africa." "And here it is." "It was very quaint and very ..." "Likewise, I would have Screenplay moderately provided." "Isawacamel." "I thought, "Wow, I'm really here."" "Ifilmandphotograph." "OnlyI had oftheirculturedonotknow." "For example, there were a lot of guys, The hands went around holding." "IcalledLaurenand said:" ""Moroccoisveryprogressive." "They go very open with homosexuality. "" "And she said: "You idiot, Men stay there on their hands. "" "I marveled. "Really?" "I did not know."" "WhenI triedto usethe toilet, therewasasquattoilet." "Ihadno idea, includingthebottomholeserved." "IntheendIused theshower asa toilet,whichwas reallydisgusting." "Actually,itwasatrocious." "Wait a moment." "Everything OK?" "Ihavethisproblemalready, sinceI wasabout16. '/i" "InhighschoolIbeganto mecompulsivelyoftentowash your hands." "Apsychiatristturnedtome anobsessionalneurosisfixed." "OrOCD." "MyOCDmanifestsitselfasfear beforevariousthingsasphobias." "I'mnogarbagecan ." "wouldsugaron me , Iwouldfeeldefiled." "Theeffectranges frommerelyannoyingtoextremelystressful." "Everything is ok, right?" "I just want to make sure, I snapped at no, when I stopped." "tomyOCDheardtheconstantfear, inflictingotherdamageaccidentally." "Idrivedownthe street abouta pothole," "Ithinkinvoluntarily, thatwasaman ?" "Idrovesomeoneto?" "30kmfurther,Iturn toperhaps andgobacktoreassuremyself." "Ok, this is an OCD recording." "Is because of me perhaps someone fallen from the rock?" "Probably not." "I think it's ok, right?" "Mymindknowsitisnotreal." "ButmentallyI'mhardgoingofit." "From here no cars are to be seen, which came against something." "Even so a fucking OCD video." "Theuseof ahelmetcamera broughtreliefwiththem, becauseI letthemjustrun andseeafterwardscould." "Butevenwiththe helmetcamera" "I gave the urge to look back and align it so that I my fear and yes held on film." "Andthen, whenI sawonceontheshoulder, camea carjustuptome ." "An incredible Moroccan driver drove on the wrong side." "I dodged and built an accident." "On that day I broke my collarbone." "Can you see that?" "Does it look bad?" "What can I say?" "I had a motorcycle accident and broke my collarbone." "Yes, and so ..." "So the adventure ends for now." "Ok, let's go." "But after the accident, I got to deal with the anxiety." "Fromthehotelroom inMoroccoIcalledLaurento andwailed, menotto be trustedout oftheroom." "She asked me:" ""Why are you such a coward?"" "The set went after me for years." "Still I ask them ..." "Every now and then I ask them still, if she thinks I'm a coward." "That no longer went out of his head, it has hurt him." "He noted, however, that I was right." "Wore the then Further to all in or not?" "Who ..." "I mean ..." "Who already knows?" "Who can say?" "She would have liked to undo." "But ..." "ThenI droveback andtookthebike." "Idecided to rattle  all similar countries." "waslongerin Tunisia." "transittoEgypt." "ByJordan." "throughSyria." "Itriedto seeeverything, wentbackandforthabout." "AndI filmedeverything." "Isatno longerjustwatchingTV orreadaboutotherpeople." "AtlastIsaw  myownadventure." "Itwasincredible." "IntotalIdrove morethan56,000kilometersonthisbike." "WhatbetterI'veneverexperiencedbefore." "Damn, I was almost there." "And then I built an accident." "Waved a car in vain for help." "Damn it all." "I know me no advice." "The bike is too heavy." "amotorcyclemovietorotatealone , isexceedinglydifficult." "SometimesI drovesomewherehigh, madea tripodwiththe cameraon andthenwentdown, take  about myself." "Thewholeprocess tookhalfor awholehour , fora probablynotusedshooting." "I brought with me, to ride on the rear wheel." "Now I am very keen." "I want to bring the In every shot." "There is an urge, I must resist." "Otherwise it would look, as I would put on a show." "Oh man." "Yes!" "Great!" "Theproblemwithadrenalineonly , thatyouneedmoreofit ." "Adventureisalittle likea drug,theeffectwearsoff." "Thenyouneedmoreofit ." "BAGHDAD, IRAQ" "Icontactedanewspaper, The Baltimore Examiner." ""youdoneformethepaperwork," "Idoembeddedjournalism."" "They said: "That's great." "We can not even afford," "To foreign reporters Football games to send. "" "Now they had a war correspondent." "OK let's go." "If your man." " Is your husband." " If your man!" "experience  War for the first time at close range,  waslikein themovie butnotlikeinthemovie ." " People, it's a cow." " We have no cow." "The video camera is rolling." "Thesoldiersaskedmetofilmthem, astheyoccurredassoldiers." "Eventhoughtheywereindeedthose  thecamerashouldcharacterizetheirimage ." "Take me well upon entering on the door." "In earnest?" "Thou shalt do that?" " Are you ready?" " Go!" " My God, you're going to destroy it." " I went to." " Is that stupid." " Open." "If you already." "Ok, now make a recording of it." " Wait a moment." " Of what?" "What are you doing..." "First check!" "Verifiable first time, seriously." "Come on." "Thesoldierswereverykind tome , especially whenI toldthemaboutmyfilm." "The night vision is good." "Yes that is her." "She's better than I thought." "How are you going to call him?" "How are you going to call your film?" "Do not know yet." "ThereweretimesinIraq , whereI hadthefeeling tohaveto standinfrontofthe camera ." "NotthatInecessarily hadwantedto be asoldier,but..." "Ididnotwanttobe meredocumentarist." "Iwantedto takeeffect onwhathappened." "Notonlywatch." "Matt, you shoot?" "Sure, of course." "Hey, alternate on a target for him." "Duringmystay" "Ilearnedalot , whattome laterinLibyawasuseful ." "So it is closed." "And then you can shoot." "How am I doing?" "Damn good for someone who never sees." "I'm just saying, it hits the mark." "I look at my card." "IRAQ" "Map of Iraq." "Probably one the worst counter cards" "Manufacturer of International Travel Maps." "Whatareyoudoing...movies?" "That'sstrange." "We chatted." "It was not that I for months nothing heard from him." "I mean, we ..." "From almost every country he visited, he could regularly send emails." "Weperformedvideoconversationsand..." "SoI couldseehim  andthechangeswitnessed." "Iheardhimtalkaboutit, whathehadseen, whomhemetand wherehehadcome." "And it was awesome." "Fantastic." "This is my completely filthy hotel." "Here it is absolutely disgusting." "Is that a wire under power?" "Explore the." "MyOCD tobeabletoshootwitha camera , helpedmeto curbit." "Explore the walls." "Itseemedto me as if I'm" "MatthewVanDykeoutgrown." "Iwaswithoutmyfamilyoverthere,  tofendformyself, anddidthings, wouldhavetheMatthewVanDykenever done." "Anewnameseemedright." "My name is Max Hunter." "I am 29 years old and going to Afghanistan." "MaxHunter." "MaxHunter wasa boastful,smug, ridiculousfearless, ruthlessguy, theshineandwantedtobe famous andallthesethings." "stronglyinfluencedby Hollywoodmovies." "Andatfirst" "Ididmy best, toshowthefrontofthecamera ." "Butwiththetime satmyriperI alsocinematicallythrough." "We all need our thrill, right?" "And so I get my." "I began to do crazy things easy, as I realize now." "Things that I would not do now." "IdrovethroughIran." "overtheborder." "camethroughAfghanistan." "IgotdressedasanAfghanto." "Iletmy beardgrow andaddedme visuallyprettygood one." "Iboughtsawed-offshotguns," "I forself-defensecarriedwithme." "Finally,I cameto Kabul." "Itraveledaboutthe country, wasattackedby villagers." "A cop hit me in the face." "Acoupleof timesIwasarrested." "mypassport Ihadin my pocket." " Fire." " Fire." "Fora whileIwas atUSsoldiers." "Eighth side" " On the shell casings." " Is clear." "ThemoreIdid ,the moreIwantedtodo." "AndthemoreIsurvived, themoreIsettledonadanger ." "Iwaslookingfor OsamabinLaden 's oldhousein Jalalabadon." "Isnuckontothe property andplantedin theruins anAmericanflagon." "A brick as a souvenir I have today." "Itwasaverydangerousundertaking." "It'sa miraclethatIsurvived." "Eben has bitten me a wild dog." "So it looks." "Acrazyadventure followedthenext." "AlthoughI intheseyears turnedhundredsof hoursoffootage, escapemethemostimportantkeymoment  mywholetrip." "AndthatwasmymeetingwithNuri." "Nuriandhiscousin traveledmainlyon footthroughAfrica." "And Nuri was a hippie." "He had a lot of hair andspokeaboutpeaceandlove." "HewasagreatLibyansandmy first." "SoI hadnotimaginedLibyans." "That Nuri and I were friends, came a bit surprising to me." "Finally, I am not just a hippie." "I'mmoreconservativestock andI haveOCD." "But Nuri is one of the nicest people, which I have ever encountered." "He is..." "To me he was almost like a saint." "Because of his way of thinking and kindness." "A tolleren people I never got to know." "Weexchangedphonenumbers, andNurirecommendedmeLibya." "Tripoli, Libya" "Americanswereat thattime notouristvisasfor Libya." "Thankstoafairlylarge bribeI cameto Libya." "Ithoughtthiscountrywasthegreatestthing, whatI hadevermet ." "Idrovearoundinthearea andposed forphotosin frontofGaddafiposters." "IthinkGaddafiwas then for38yearsinpower." "The38wasontheposters." "I still can hardly believe it, that I'm here." "It's almost like a dream." "Icalledto Nuri andwaswithhim  andhiscousintogether." "AndI metthesemotorcyclists." "Theywereverygoodfriendsofmine." "WhenI wentto highschool, Ididnothavealot offriends." "ThereI wasmostlyaloner." "MyfewfriendsIappreciateverymuch." "ThefriendsthatIfoundinLibya,  weredearerto me  asalmostallofmyfriendsinAmerica ." "Say something." "I celebrate the birthday of the Prophet Muhammad." "Ina way,it seemedtome, whenI wouldcomehome." "And because of good friendships there Libya grew me right to my heart." "Now that you're a Libyan." "Referring to them?" "Merry Christmas." "Hecameback..." "Simply everything was better." "I ..." "It sounds picked up," "But things were looking up." "And I was so excited and so relieved." "I'll take you on straight." "So it should be." "Onmyreturn Iwascompletelyexhausted." "Ihadenoughoftraveling." "ItoldLauren:" ""Nowwecanlivenormally."" "And then this happened with Libya." "And all of these plans changed." "IntheArabworld isspreadingarevolution withprotestsagainstthe government." "Tunisiathismorninginchaos, afterProtestants thepresidentforcedfromoffice." "Egyptwitnessed thethirddayofmassiveprotests." "EveninSyriaplanProtestants twodaysof violentactions againstthelocaldictatorship." "Youwantfreedom." "Youwantsocialjusticeand anendto corruptionand deprivation." "It'saboutdemocracy." "It'saboutpersonalfreedom." "Weneedfreedom!" "FromMoroccoto Iran thereareprotestsintheArabworld." "Thegovernmentsin Tunisia andEgyptweretoppled." "NextisLibyathere?" "February2011th" "Therevolutionin Tunisiaand Egypt spread to Libya." "Withsimpleprotestsitwent off." "ButGaddafiwas shootattheProtestantsinLibya ." "Gaddafishould Deathsquadshavedeployed, thedoorto door Search  by Protestants." "People thewoundedcametothehospital, disappearedfromthere andwereexecuted." "Thesufferingandbloodshed areunheard andunacceptable." "Growing tensions PROTESTS widen to Libya OFF" "Foreignjournalists beshown." "Thesepictures wereillegallytakenwithmobilephones, posted  YouTube  andcirculatedunderground." "Literallyeveryone werefilmingwhatishappeningaroundhim." "Itwaslikethat, whatI haddonealotmoremodest , andwasamuchmore importantpurpose asmymotorbikeadventure." "Fouryearsearlierhad mycrashcourse startedwhenit comestomanhood." "AndnowtheArabSpringwasgoing andputmy idea ofmasculinityintoquestion." "WhatI haddonewas not  againsttheprotests onthestreetsofTripoli." "Theprotests wereansweredwithbullets." "Thefriends, IhadfoundinLibya, stillpossessedan Internetconnection." "Ichatted viaonlinechatand e-mailwith them ." "And they told me, her neighbor had been killed and her cousin been arrested and beaten." "MyfriendTariqtookpart inprotests." "Rightnextto him twopeoplediedbysnipers." "moviesinthenewsarea ." "Butifafriendtell , astheysawpeople, whowerekilled, getstheacompletelydifferentmeaning." "Backthen,Americawas not involved," "NATOandnotthe UNnot." "Oneofmy friendsasked:" ""Whynothelpus? "" "Formeit wasunthinkabletositat home andfarto see diewhilemy friends." "I called Lauren at work and said:" ""You have to come home." "I'm flying to Libya. "" "EvenforthesameeveningItook my reservea seaton theplane." "Mymotherdrovemetotheairport." "InthecarItaught thecameraon Lauren, andtheylookedreallypissedoff." "Actually,itcameasnosurprise." "But I was furious." "Not so much because he flew there, but because he still did it on that day." "Without prior notice, without time, prepare something for him or anything else." "I was mad." "TodayFebruary28 ,is   andI 'minCairo,Egypt." "Tonight I'm going with a car to the limit." "I hope I come across the border." "I want to Benghazi." "ThereI wantto documentwhatisgoing on, andasbestwecanhelp,  tooverthrowGaddafi." "Partofme wasaware thatitborderedontheabsurd." "Thesamefellowwhosefamilyit food andfreshlinensupplied, traveledhalfwayaroundthe worldinawar." "MuammarGaddafimakesnomove , inthe18-daybattleforcontrol togivein Libya." "Gaddafistillseems tohavethefinalsay." "Butantigovernmentgroups checksaysthatit alargepartofeasternLibya ." "thelimit." "Damn it." "Benghazi?" "OK." "Icalledto Nuri." "I told Nuri:" ""You, I come to Benghazi."" "And he said:" ""Yes, man, come here." "That's great."" "And he said the in his usual hippie voice." "Ithoughtif IcametoBenghazi, wouldNurisamehippie, asI knewhim." "Thehungaround andspokeof peaceand love." "ButNuriappearedinFlakweste, battlesuitandbrimmedhat andwascompletelyserious." "Whenthewarbeganhere  andallthetroopsGaddafi's subtracted[ fromBenghazi]was...  overcame a feeling of freedom, as if you were flying." "Something seemed to open in a, it was like fresh air." "Yes, fresh air." "As if you were in the highlands and might fly ... and would be safe." "For sure." "In Benghazi, we have already all this feeling." "All, man." "But the guys in Tripoli I'm still worried." "This is the great hospital." "All boys come from the fighting here." "I hate guns." "I want to kill no one who is from Libya." "And not only from Libya, from all over the world." "AtthebeginningofthewarNurisaid..." "I asked: "What will become of Gaddafi?"" "Nuri said: "He should just go, to go and live in his tent. "" "Not "Iwantto catchGaddafiandkillhim."" "InNuriis no hate." "Welcome to Benghazi." "Today the sun shines." "The sun is shining..." "Today in my city." "Freedom" "People hadsmallunitsformed." "Mostofthemwerecivilians." "AfriendnamedAli Nuri's wasoneof therebels." "Ali was there, began as the bombardment." "Many died, but he survived." "PeopleGaddafibombedhis car ." "And with this car we have to fight him." " For real?" " Yes." " We are all riding in this car?" " Yes." " For real?" " Yes," " But we will repair it." " OK." "We make it operational." "OK." "With heavy weapons, 14 1/2 [mm]." " You already know." " Yes." "We back before." "Nothing can stop us." "I asked what we need, and Matt said:" ""We need the weapons." The Games begin." "No matches." "War." "Great War." "Nuri and Ali are in a government building [the rebels] and get us papers to arms procurement." "About my life upside down, so nobody recognizes me as a foreigner." "Hopefully lasts the war was not too long." "Hopefully no one gets hurt." "I pray that no one gets hurt." "BASE Rajma" "GaddafiJetshad bombeda rebelbase." "Wewerelookingfor ammunition, thatwasstillfunctional." "Ok, here we should find a gun." "Do you see anything?" "Atthistime,Gaddafi'sarmy  muchbetterequippedthantherebels." "Be careful." "Veryfewof therebels hadmilitaryexperience." "Manyofthemwerenever todealwithagun." "Go ahead, Nuri." "Now unlock, yes." "Adjusting to "R"." "On the other hand." "WhenI joinedtherevolution, Ihadshotwithagun ." "So I had more experience when the boys and the group, with whom I was together." "Whosays Iknewnothingaboutweapons?" "Theotherbutalsonot." "Good." "Thefightersin thisphaseofthewar werefellowslikeus." "Independentgroups,smallgroups." "weaponbehindpurelyinthecar,andoff ." "Previously,I asan observerwas  havebeenin warzones." "ButthistimeItook anactivepart." "Itwasacompletelydifferentfeeling." "Iwasin themiddle." "Iwasdressedlikeeveryoneelse." "Iwentthesamerisks." "Forthefirsttimeinmy life" "Ihadthefeeling, todosomethingreallyimportant." "Wearepreparedfor war , andatthesametime wewatched thewaron televisionwith." "AtthattimeGaddafiwasthere , towinthewar ." "TheArmedForcesColonelGaddafi's areontheoffensive." "Withtheirsuperiorfirepower theymovedthefrontline  manymilesto theeast, totheoiltownofBrega ." "Wedecidedto exploreBrega." "Thatwouldbe thenexttarget." "Wewanted determine  defenses,  theuseof DShKand grenadelaunchers." "Nurihadto do in themilitarybase ." "Hewouldnotcomewith us." "And that's why he survived." "Wewerein Ali'shouse, beforewewenttoBrega." "AndAlisaidsomething, I'llneverforget." "That's the last meal." "You know what that is?" "The Last Supper?" "No, it's not the last supper, no." " No no." " "No no"?" " Last Supper, are you sure?" " Yes." "What will happen to him tomorrow?" "No idea." "Wewentto Brega." "Therechatted stillcivilians." "People hadtheirchildrenonthestreet." "Youdidnotseemworried." "Suddenlythecarstoppedat." "Wehadfallenintoanambush." "Ben,youwerewiththerebel forces onthefrontlineofBrega outside." "Describeusthecurrentsituation." "Whatisgoing?" "Wewerethismorningwith them , andtheycameunderconstant, heavybombardment byGaddafi'stroops." "I telephoned on 12 March a few minutes with him." "He was on the road to Brega." "Thenextmorning, Iwokeup forsomereasonearly on." "ItwasaSunday, andI wokeup at 6clock." "I saw that Gaddafi's forces were advanced to Brega." "It came on television." "Inalltheyearsofhistrips" "I always had terrified of this call." "It never came to my mind, that the worst was, when no call came, if everything would remain silent." "Duringtheevents Iwashitinthehead." "FordaysIwas onceconscious, sometimesnot." "IdonotknowwhereIwas." "Theydrovequiteadistancewithme." "AndthenIwokeupin prison." "Thetortureof aman  intheroomabovemewokeme." "Iwaswearingablindfold andwasinterrogated." "Theyplayedthevideorecordings mycamera." "Nothingcanstopus." "ItwasarecordingofNuri." "ThislastIsaid:" ""Nuri,youremindmeeverydayto  WhyWeFight."" "The interpreter said:" ""You never come to America."" "I bit my fingernails off." "I cut my toenails using a plastic spoon from," "I thought, Nails tearing out would include torture." "Buttheyneverquestionedmeagain ." "Ithought thevideorecordingssubmittedthem ." "Youneedto askmeanything." "Everythingwason film." "Threetimesaday theytook meout,tousethesquattoilet." "Night crawling bugs in my cell, were on the walls and sometimes to me, they lived in the toilet." "Wastepiledup ,thereweremaggots." "AndmyOCDwas reallybad." "Ireckoned, heretoendmylife ." "Isatdownunderthehole andlookedto heaven." "BecauseI thoughtAmericansatellites wouldme canseein theroofthroughthehole." "I sat there and sometimes twisted the face as horror, to convey the impression that I felt bad." "Who saw me from the satellite, should think:" ""This American you have played badly." "We need to get him out. "" "Ibeganto  metomakeall kindsofworries." "Iwasafraid, Gaddafiwouldhavebecauseofmy shots  peoplesentto Nuriand his family." "Iwasafraid, Laurenwouldleaveme." "Foryearsshehad beenpatient." "Butyoucannot run away andaccept, the girlfriend waiting, if one is years in prison." "Andmymother..." "Mymotherwasall alone." "My parents divorced, when I was only a few years old." "My father I never knew." "Ihaveno brothersorsisters." "Mydecisionto go to Libya, was so fatal not only for me, but also for my mother." "Maybeitwasall  somehowsillyandcrazy." "Thewholething." "Perhapswere  thelastfouryearsofmy life anutterlyfoolish, senseless,recklessthing." "Yes,I wonderedif it wasworthit." "EXPLOSIVES" "Whether it was worth sacrificing my family and my future family with Lauren." "Itwasaveryhard time ." "FiveandahalfmonthsIbrought to  in two different prisons." "Infact,Iwas sittinginacabinet andstaredat thewall." "Attheendofthepassage weretheguardsinfrontofthe TV ." "Gaddafiheldapressconference." "Iheardtherewas talk ofa prisonerexchange." "Anditcametome." "HUSH-HUSH" "Special message" "IheardHillaryClinton ofthemspoketotrademe." "BBC world news" "TheUSgovernmentnegotiated ontheexemptionofMatthewVanDyke." "Itwason televisionaroundtheworld ." "everyday itwasin thenewsjust aboutme." "Peoplebrought theirchildrento theprison, toaccostme ." "Peoplesangsongsaboutme." "ThisI heardallday ." "MatthewVanDyke." "We'refightingfor yourfreedom." "freedom." "Yes." "MatthewVanDyke." "But now I realize that none of this was real." "Everythingtookplaceonlyinmy head." "There were auditory hallucinations, as a side effect of my solitary confinement." "I know that now." "Iwenttherementallytothedogs." "Toputit in twosentences:" ""Thisguykept forthecenterofthewar." "Whata narcissisticass."" "ButitseemedtomeIwas disappearedfromthescene." "MentallyI compensatedthe, bysaying:"No,thereyoustill ." "You will be counted." "People are looking for you. "" "In contrast to the fact, I had previously perceived:" ""People think you're dead."" "Iwasin fiveand ahalf monthsinprison ." "OnedayIheard alouduproar." "I immediately thought:" ""Now they come and kill me."" "ThenI realized thattherewereprisoners." "Anditwasthe bestdayofmylife ." "On the evening I sat on a couch in a house and saw my mother and Lauren on CNN, as they talked about my release." "Yes, and that was an absolutely surreal experience." "Tellus,as it was, thanyouafterall thistime finally againheardthevoiceofyourson." "It'sjustan amazingfeeling." "Iwasso happy." "Aweightseemedtakenfrom me." "Ithasbeensuchastrangefeelinginmystomach." "Itisdifficulttodescribe." "Anditwasjustwonderful." "Iarrivedat thehotelCorinthia." "Thereweremanypresspeoplethere ." "IcalledLaurenand asked:" ""IsNuriok ?" "Haveyou talkedtohim?"" "Andshesaid:"Yes,heis doing well." "ButAlidrovethe car ." Iwastheonlyprisoner." "Hisbodywasfoundinamass grave." "I urge you, Now go home." "You have a very difficult Experience undergone." "I'm sure, Her mother wants to see you, and you should also with some people talk about what you've been through." "Ihadatasteoflife getinan authoritarianregime." "Thishaschangedmefrom thegroundup." "WhatI hadexperiencedinsixmonths, hadGaddafifor40years made  with his country." "Gaddafihasso manydefraudedofherlife andsomanylivesstolen." "Ifeltguiltorremorse, fornothavingdoneenough." "And then... then ..." "I felt like ..." "Laura asked me questions when I got home." "I avoided her again and said:" ""First I want to Nuri ..."" "Now ..." "Freedom." "No more prison." "AndthencameNuri." "I was very relieved to see him." "Nurihadauniformforme." "He had a gun on me." "All these things he had set aside for me." "It's like six months ago." "Wewentto theDefenseDepartment." "Nuriexplainedwhathad happenedtome ." "Are you from the press?" "Are you from the press?" "No, thuwar [revolutionaries]." "Mydetentionbroughtme agreatcredibility." "Thisallowedme , meopento connectasAmericans." "Youknow, whatI hadbeenthrough,whoI was ." "Everyonehadtalkedaboutit." "Theyweregratefultohave mewithhim." "youwelcomedme , ledtoaLibyandance, clappedandgaveme acapturedweapon." "Itwasalovelywelcome." "TheRevolutionhadmeagain." "How did you experience that?" "Yes it was..." "It was a nightmare." "It was awful." "Every morning when I woke up, I did not know where he was." "I did not know if he was okay." "When I went to bed at night," "I did not know, where he was and what happened to him." "I wanted him home." "I made it very clear, I wanted his homecoming." "She said: "So you're just." "You need the thrill. "" "I said:" ""No, this is about a serious matter." "This is the most important thing, what will I ever do in life." "In this war, to help. "" "And I think they understood." "Some will think, You should go home." "Well, I do not know." "People can think what they want." "Inthefiveand ahalf monthsofmydetention thewarchangeddramatically." "TheNATOcameintoplay ." "Thewartookverydifferenttrainsat." "Well,itwasnot  onlya fewmenina car." "Tripoli" " Sirte" " Benghazi LIBYA" "Thefortuneof war hadturnedin ourfavor." " USA?" " Yes, USA." "Iwasaboutaweek inmy brigade, asfollowersof Gaddafifromthedesertcame anda control raided  one of us." "We stop here and look after, what's going on, okay?" "Shahid[ martyr]." "That'swhenIreallyrealizedthat wastheroleoftheobserverbehind me." "What is the situation here, man?" "The location is ..." "A checkpoint was attacked." " OK." " Nobody saw someone coming." "In buildings over there they could have postieren people to look out for reconnaissance." "You would have seen any attacker." "The attack came at midday." " Middle of the day, yes." " You did not have anyone on the roofs." "For what happened, there is no excuse." "WhenI lefttheprison, Iwassomeoneelse." "Ihadrecognized, justlikeIhad escaped andI  hadtobe muchmorecareful." "Take your finger please the safety pin." " That..." " Yes Yes." "Yes, please do not finger let the locking pin." " That's the spirit." " Yes." "First use with the ..." "First use with the  Katiba." "Someone today attacked a checkpoint." "More than a dozen boys dead." "We are now in the desert and looking for the attackers." "Itusedto be easy,bothbefore astobe behindthe camera." "Butatwar ishandlingthecameradifficult." "He'suncomfortablebecauseyou look, althoughitis notplayed, feelslikean actor." "Youhaveto be aware, howsomethingworksbeforethecamera." "Nuri, I try a different angle." "Andthenyouask yourself, whether it is authentic and unsophisticated." "What is my choice of words, What should I do?" "Atthesametimeonetries  tocapturethereality." "Thisisnoteasy." "We need video recordings, as these guys fight." "SometimesI found Cameradistractedfromthe actualoff." "Thepeopleshouldnot think Iwasthereespeciallyformovies." "becauseitwasnot ." "I now just pops off the camera, is therefore no longer talked about it." " I shoot at the camera." " Leave it." " Then Nuri does not talk more about it." " Let me see." " The camera." " Come on." "ButNuri realizedtheimportanceoffilming." "This is history, man." "And it is for the families [of soldiers]." " Because nothing should be missed." " Well, yeah." "I also want to do all that, what the other  thuwar  make." "And all the while I'm filming, but not as a cinematographer rumstehen in the area." "So you fight with two hands." "With rifle and camera." " Yes, it will be." " Yes OK." "Butagain,in theJeep, wecameunderfire." " Go!" "Los!" " Go!" "Los!" "AndI rushedoutoftheJeep." "Damn, Nuri!" "My gun is in the car." "My rifle is in the Jeep." "I'mtryingto  tofulfilladualfunction." "Iwantto influenceevents, theyalsodocumented." "Nurihashisrifleinhishand andI mycamera." "Inourshot,whatshouldIdo?" "I asked myself: "What am I. A filmmaker or a fighter? "" "Sirte, LIBYA" "SirtewasGaddafi'shometown." "Herehestillhad power." "WiththefallofSirte wouldbethewar isover ." "That we hereby first are at the front, you can see it, that there are green flags." "Thegreenflagwas the flagofGaddafi." "Several explosions are heard." "Probably NATO bombs." "That's it, hopefully." "Thank you for everything." "That you came to the rescue." "Now it is about peace, man." "I thank you for everything." "If the shooting come to you," "I'll send you in a good coffin your mom." "As a souvenir that you were here." "Hey, what about there, right?" "Not good enough." "It is not good." "Come on, concerned with more weapons." "WhenwecametoSirte, scoredGaddafi'speople Buildingonus ." "Youputsniperson." "Where is the enemy?" " No one can see him, man." " Nobody knows?" "Thisdiehardfollowers wouldnotarise." "Itwasthemeistgefilmte Warhistory." "Everywhererancameras." "Inthemidstoffighting youcouldseepeoplewith cell phonecameras." "Inonehandthe mobilephonecamera, intheother,the AK-47." "Theseguys wastheideaof​ ​war dominatedbyfilmand television." "guyswithmachinegunsstood inthemiddleofthebattleon andcoveredtheenemy witha bullethaila." "Theywantedpicturesofthemselves, witha largegun." "thingsthatfriends,family andwomenwereabletoshow toimpressthem." "Fared you like?" "Yes, I felt the same." "Everyonewantssomething, toshareit on Facebook." "Everyonewantsan idealizedpicture created  is  ashewantstobe andhowhe wantstobeperceived." "I break a patrol by on Sirte, and these guys get ready." "Aftertakingaresidentialarea  Wecheckedthehouses, tomakesure thattherelurkednosnipers." "We are in a residential area and search for weapons." "Otherwise no vehicle here, we are only three." "I would prefer somewhere else." "Gaddafihad alotof weaponsdistributedtopeople." "Whatcouldbe foundinthose wouldnotcometousto use." "Gaddafi forces will attack this page and this page also." "Wewereconstantlyunderfire ." "That sounded like as in a film, and constantly over our heads." "Youdonotknow howhighor lowthe shotscoming, tobebehindhim  ahiton metalhear." "It makes ding!" "Then you know it's time for coverage, because that was just, but you're so jaded, that it only does not listen." "The shots are pretty close." "Very close." "Everything OK?" "EventhoughIwas inthewar, wenttheOCDnevergoaway." "In my car was spilled sugar." "This is a huge problem." "stillmakesme worrysugar." "Thesolesareaproblem." "Accordingtoanother froma bowlto drink." "Now it's your turn." "Come on." "Do it!" "War, Man!" " Do it!" "Do it!" "Yes!" " Yes!" "Yes!" "Butinthefaceofmy prisonexperiences andI wasin thewar , didnotseemtobethere , toputacup tohermouth ." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Now you're a fighter." "Hey." "Okay, always slow." "Ok, everything is ok." "SometimesNuribroughtand I pressmenforfrontline." "Engage anything else on." "Itwasverystrange." "ForinIraqand Afghanistan" "Ihadfilmedsoldiers." "AndnowIwas the soldier." "MatthewVanDykefromBaltimore fightingonthesideofLibyanrebels , afteronlyweeksearlier, was released  from a Gaddafi prison." "WhenI  sawfightingin thenews, confirmedthisto me , thatI wasarealrebelfighters." "Itgotto seethe world." "AndhereIbelonged." "42 years for nothing." "42 years for nothing." "InthewarIexperiencedthings asinjuriesanddeaths, whichbedeviledme ." "Wecannotprocessitall andnottellinfrontofacamera,  withwhatarbitrariness thedeathin warstrikes." "everythingisOneminutewell , peoplelaughandjoke, andcomein thenextlike  Nottheexplosion,withthedead." "This morning I told you." "So a bloody day." "Yes, I try to steer clear of hazards." "Ok, I love you very much." "Acoupleof timesIcalledhome viasatellitephoneon,  thatletme useajournalist." "Ok, I will." "Bye!" "WithLaurento talk,was not easy." "Many thanks." "Itgapedextremeopposites." "LifeintheArabRevolution andatthefrontisquite different asinBaltimore." "She had it dealing with a recalcitrant pupil," "I saw someone who was ablaze, or, the shrapnel a had torn his head." "Yes, we lived in two very different worlds." "Have you ever killed a man?" "Well ..." "Oneday,wheninSirte fightingwalkedtowardtheirend,  wehadGaddafi'sforces huddledtogetheron asmallarea ." "Oneofmy brigadecommanders spiedanenemyina window." "Youwantme to shoothim ." "How many men?" "Untilthen,we wereatwar theenemydoesnot comesoclose , thatwewouldbeable toseehisface." "Maybe times the muzzle flash, not more." "Or you knew was the enemy in that building or in that direction, and there you fired." "Thatwasnewhere." "Ihad never  shotataman ." "Mycommanderroared, Ishouldup andshoothim,  beforehefledthroughthewindow." "He is here!" "You can not see him because ..." "It is between these houses, you have to look there." "Ihandedoneoftherebel  mycameraandsaid:"Filmsthat. "" "Runs the camera?" "Did you get him?" "I'm not sure." " Go down." " I wait a minute." "Iwasnotsure ifI hadmethim ." "Thensawoneoftheother ,suchas thefellowappearedatthewindow,looked around  andslippedthroughthe window." "AllofasuddenIfelt internallytorn." "I feel myself..." "When I would have failed, because I missed my target." "But at the same time is something happy in me, that I do not hit." "Do you think something in you has missed him deliberately?" "No, I did not miss him intentionally." "And that's with the nightmarish." "Because I tried to meet him." "I tried." "Ialwayshadanidea , asI wantedto be ." "ForyearsIhad struggled, tobethatway ." "ButevenIhad tofilm me, asI wasgoingtokill aman ." "Whatdidtheaboutmeout?" "OnOctober20 ,theday afterI had tried to kill  the guy,  weheardrumorsofa Sirte fleeingconvoywasstopped andGaddafi probablybeencaptured." "Manyoftherebelsthere tookwithphonecameras." "WhatI wouldhavedone, Iwouldhavebeenthere?" "The war seems to be over." "WhenI wasin prison, therewasmuch, whatI seemedto be abletodono more." "Amongthem,to go to thebeach." "Butoneday wentNuriandIthesea." "Itwasadream." "Watch out." "Wewerejustre-NuriandMatt,  aLibyan andhisAmericanfriendtovisit ." "No, man." "My boots get wet." "Wefoundacarpet withGaddafi'sfaceonit." "I told Nuri: "Go ahead, occurs his face, if you will. "" "ButNurididnot ." "Hesaid:" ""Whydosuchathing?" "It'ssimple ..."" "Hedidnotwanttobe likeGaddafi." "Itwasnotaboutrevenge." "Itwasaboutfreedom." "Of five she broke into a "Crash Course" in order to become a man." "Now when you look back, did you succeed?" "A photo ..." "I and the camels ..." "Yes, I've got it." "A serious." "Yes I have." "Do I have."