"Previously on Call me Fitz..." "You've heard of me." "Hottest pre-owned car salesman this side of Detroit." "Why don't we take it for a test drive?" "Oh my dirty." "Who's this guy, what was he doing in my office?" "Saving our asses." "Business is up 10% since Larry got here." "I'm not just here to sell cars." "Have you thought that maybe your accident stirred something inside of you?" "Like perhaps your conscience?" "You think you're my conscience?" "All you did was ruin a perfectly good GT, and destroy a woman's life." "I can help you." "Bring Dick Fitz down." "You and your dealership are going down." "From now on, we're partners!" "You need to learn how to be good, and I'm gonna teach you how to do it!" "I don't need to change who I am." "There are only two things in life a man needs:" "Fast cars and fast women." "What a man doesn't need is a partner." "If you wanna be stuck in a useless, profitable relationship, get married." "Redemption." "All the greats were solo acts:" "Bogart, McQueen, Sinatra." "They had their crews." "But no one questioned their authority." "Dean Martin wasn't cool till he dumped Jerry Lewis." "Fuck Jerry's Kids." "A symbol of our partnership!" "I've been rethinking that promise." "All right, maybe I overreacted." "But I don't share the spotlight." "Or my turf." "Especially with some nut job who says he's my conscience." "I don't need to change the way I live." "People love me." "People pay above book!" "Hallucinations." " Paranoia." " Come on, baby." "Typical withdrawal symptoms." "You know what I need." "Let's get a drink." "Not too unwell." "I'll make it worth your while." " Season 1 Episode 02 " " Loco " "Subtitles:" "Team A²S --==All-about-Subs.fr==" "I won!" " I've never won anything!" " Congratulations." " She won!" "?" " And well-deserved." "Can I talk to you for a second?" "Do you wonder why it's called a one-armed bandit?" "I've never thought about it." "Because it's rigged so no one ever wins, you moron!" "It's like we always say, it pays to be honest." "I never say that." "You should." "And failing that, I will say it for you." "It pays to be honest." "All right!" "Which one of you ass clowns broke El Bandito?" "It pays to be honest." "Fuck me." "How much did it cost?" "A year's supply of Buff n' Glow." "In exchange for what?" "I put her in the Corolla for $200 above book price." "If I buy the other car, can I play again?" "Most definitely, dear." "Write it up, Son." "Kid's got balls." "Balls." "When I asked you to clean up my office, I did not mean empty out my liquor cabinet." "I did it for your own good." "I will let you cool off, now." "I see what's going on." "All right, Larry." "You can't get the best of Fitzy." "I need some smoke, what do you got?" "Look at Larry eatin' that salad, man." "It's fuckin' beautiful." "That is life right there, man, a microcosm of it." "That makes you question everything." "What'd you find out about him?" "Fuck!" " I forgot." " You didn't dig up any shit on him!" "?" "You asked me two days ago." "I gave you two days." "I didn't know you still wanted it!" "Maybe I'll call..." "What'd you wanna know?" "Don't you realize how much trouble I'm in?" "I've got this lawyer trying to nail my ass to the wall for that crash, my supply has been flushed, and now that psycho claims to be my conscience!" " That is completely insane." " No shit!" "He's an escaped fuckin' lunatic." "I gotta get rid of that fucker." " You know what you need?" " What?" "Smoke." "You got any?" "Fuckin' stoner." "Just say no, dude." "You decided to stop by." "You could've returned my call." "It's been a while." "Plus, I wanted to drop this off." "That's pretty." "I thought I made myself clear a while ago..." "But it's not for you, It's for your mom." "Unless you like it, then you should keep it, because you could probably use cheering up right now." "But I wouldn't use your mom's accident to see you, that would be creepy." "So, why were you calling?" "I was calling to check in on the investigation." "Into Richard Fitzpatrick, the man who put my mother into a coma?" "Wondering when you were gonna file charges." "There is no investigation." "At this time." "But his blood alcohol level was three points over the legal limit!" "Nobody saw him behind the wheel." "Maybe you can look into this a little more we can come up with something." "Maybe over drinks." "What can I do for you?" "I came to see if you needed any help." "You know, with the case?" "To nail Richard Fitzpatrick?" "Can I carry your books?" "I appreciate your concern, but no witness, no case." "Scene of the crime," "I was there." "I have photos." "We need proof that Fitzpatrick was behind the wheel, you only saw the aftermath, not the actual accident." "So, A for effort." "Let the law handle this, Carrie." "Kara." "Ken warned me to remind you he wants extra ketchup, or he will..." ""Kiss you in the ass. "" "I'll take a martini." "Mr. Fitz, don't." "But I need you, Sonja." "I need you to make me feel good." "Have you ever stopped to consider how it makes me feel?" "Full?" "Larry was right." "You don't care about me." "That ass-juicer?" " He's only trying to get in your pants." " What are you doing?" "I'm trying to get in your pants, but I'm honest." " Why don't you say it for once?" " Say what?" "It." "I have no idea what you're talkin' about." "Larry says that if you cared, you would say it." "I thought what we had was mature." "Real, and not dictated by some..." "Cliché romantic chic-flick conventions." " How about a handjob?" " You're embarrassing both of us." " I ordered a martini." " We're out of vodka." "Gin." "No can do." "Manhattan, stat." "Your friend Larry says you're on the wagon." "One, that son of a bitch is not my friend." "Two, there's only one thing I ride, and it's not the wagon." "Three," "I'll have a much funnier two after a little liquid." "Give me a fuckin' martini!" "You want a drink?" "Pay your tab." "Justin, you'd better not be playing mad scientist again." " Where the hell is your Fluoxetine!" "?" " You're the thief?" "I accused Saul of stealing my meds." "God knows he could use them, having to live with you." "Nice, why you gotta be so mean to me?" " Ritalin!" " You can't have my son's Ritalin!" " Those are for me." " I'm your big brother!" "No, you're a mooch who's been living rent-free in the room above my garage for two months!" "You wanna pill?" "$1,500." "Oh, fuck!" "Pussy." "Set the table." "Larry's coming to dinner." "Not again!" "Why can't you see what a crazy fuck he is!" "?" "Responsible, employed, polite?" "Break out the straightjacket." "There are three rules to a perfect piece of meat." "One: you want the grill nice and hot, so the steak doesn't stick." "Two: never flip the meat more than once." "And three: no more than three minutes a side, maybe three and a half." "Know-it-all." "Oh, what is this stuff?" "Near beer." "Uncle Richard's on the wagon." "I know this transition isn't going as smoothly as we'd hoped, but real change never does." "You have no idea who you're dealin' with, do you?" "I think I do." "The same Richard who peed his pants and cried during the 2nd grade walkathon." "Did I tell you that?" "Look, you know what?" "Now is not the time to dwell on the past when we need to look forward to the future." "You may have fooled those other losers down at the lot, but not me." "If that even is your real name." "I'm a Fitz, we invented crazy." "I'm gonna get you the help that you need." "To prove someone's crazy, they need to be a threat to themselves or to others." " Okay?" " Go." "Help!" "Uncle Larry stabbed me." "He stabbed the kid!" "What the hell's going on out here?" " Help!" "He's got a fork!" " Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" "I should have known better than to utilize such a sharp utensil!" "I need to report a man who's behaving erratically." "Yes, he is a danger to himself and others." "It is quite sad" " It was an accident." " We are having you committed!" "It's for your own good!" "Can I have my ten bucks now?" "You." "Inside." "Now." "You know, I thought tonight could be a chance for new beginnings." "Think again." " Here we go." " Yeah, here we go." "Come on, come on!" "Nice try, degenerate." "Come on, these were wedding gifts." "He's a dead man." "You said this afternoon was for us." "I'm almost to the grid, okay?" "What is it with this case, you're obsessed!" "Did he touch you?" "Show me on me where he did it." "He didn't touch me, he just..." "He just reminds me of someone, okay?" "Fuck." "Give me that!" "Give me that!" " You fucking give me that!" " No, I'm still tapped out!" "Fucking Larry, this is all his fault." "I could kill that sanctimonious prick." "Killin's easy, gettin' rid of the body, that's the hard part." "Go on." "A few tips I picked up while on assignment in Vienna." "See, bodies decomp faster in open air, but some... fuckin' hiker might come along and trip over it, right?" "See, my favourite... you dump 'em in an open grave, put dirt over top of 'em, the next morning, they put a casket on top of it, and wham, bam, thank you shazam." " How much?" " Huh?" "What?" "To cap Larry." "If no one knows who the guy is, no one's gonna miss him." "Yeah, but I don't kill people." " Anymore." " You owe me!" " For what?" " I could tell you," " but you're gonna forget in 10 sec." " Man, that's..." "I don't care if the guy's dead, I've got enough legal problems as it is." "I just want him gone." "Who?" "Josh says that you think you're Fitz's conscience." ""Conscience is a man's compass," Vincent van Gogh." "Are you his conscience or his compass?" "I'm just a man." "A gay man?" "That's what Meghan says." "But Fitz just thinks you're crazy, an ass-juicer, and that you're trying to get into my pants." "Is that you're trying?" "Don't be ridiculous, I'd never fit, no." "No, I'm not." "If you are his conscience, you're not a very good one." "Why would you say that?" "Because you told me not to... you know, and now he's mad at me for not..." "You knowing him." "The only way to ensure Richard a berth on the steamship to awesome is to cleanse his body of the vices that tether him to his moral turpitude." "Be strong." "Okay?" "For him." "Numb nuts, I need you to run an errand with Josh tonight." "An errand, what kind of errand?" "I don't have time for questions, shit for brains!" "Josh'll fill you in." "Not you and me?" "Think of it as quality time with a co-worker." "I am doing this because I care about your meat torpedo." " Moral turpitude." " Can't I care about both?" "I hope Richard told you what we're doing." "Because I asked him, but he didn't tell me." "I mean, he said some other things, but I'm not gonna repeat them here, my friend, because they..." "This is nice." "This is nice, it's..." "It gives us a chance to get to know each other, you know?" "To..." "To bond?" "In a way?" "Josh, could you say something?" "Because the silence is sorta killing me a little bit, here." "Hey, driving gloves." " Don't like getting my hands sticky." " Me neither!" "Great!" "That Italian leather?" "Yeah, good eye." "Nice." "Thank you." "You wanna listen to some music?" "Great." "I love this song!" "What'd he tell you, Larry?" " I never get that right." " It's hard." "You bought the car!" "?" "Why would you buy the fuckin' car!" "?" " Larry said it was a good car!" " You were supposed to get rid of him," " not buy the motherfuckin' car!" " Are you nuts?" "He cut me a sweet deal, man." "So honest, he really cares about the customer." "What about me, man?" "How come nobody gives a fuck about me?" "I care about you, bro." "I do." "Come on, let's hug it out." "Bring it in." "Hey, bring it in." "A symbol of our partnership!" "Yeah, I've been rethinking that little promise." "This violent behaviour is not solving any problems!" "What kind of a man sabotages another man's life?" "No, no, it's not sabotage!" "I'm your conscience and this, this is a present." "Happy sobriety!" "Fuck your present!" "Twenty-four hours sober." "We're not giving up on you, Richard Fitzpatrick," " No way!" " Nope." "What the fuck are you all doing here, we're closed." "We're here... because we love you." " Let's not go crazy." " I was told there'd be cake." " This is your intervention." " With cake!" "Cake was definitely the draw for us, as well." "But not only that, also to mock Fitz at his time of emotional weakness." "This is not a place for judgement." "We are here to save Richard's life." "I don't need an intervention." "See, he's fine." "Let's celebrate." " Sonja, go get us something sweet." " Why do I have to go?" "Let's worry about Richard right now, and dessert later." "Okay?" "We're going to go around the room, and everyone is going to say, honestly... sincerely, what we're feeling right now, okay?" "I'm feeling a little ripped off, to be honest." "Is there something you'd like to say about your son's substance abuse?" " Could I get a hit?" " Whiskey's for men." "Present." "Gentlemen, anything?" "Alcohol is unclean." "You shame yourself and your tribe." "Yes, there is something I would like to share." "Good." "Ever since I started working here, you've all treated me like a slave." "That's it, that's all I've got." "Okay, I think what Sonja is trying to say is that she can't wait for someone to give her a chance." "But she has to take a chance on herself." "Okay?" "And when she dresses" " like this..." " Like what?" " Like a whore." " She is saying," ""I don't trust my mind."" "But in order for the world to change its attitude towards Sonja," "Sonja has to change her attitude towards Sonja." " Good girl." " Thank you." "You're welcome." " Where did Richard go?" " He'd better be getting the cake." "Or chink food." "Spicy beef." "You guys must know a good place." "We are not Chinese, you blue-eyed devil." "Close enough." "Carbon mon... suicide!" "?" "Not like this!" "Life is precious!" "Richard, open up!" "You're not Richard." "Thank God you're safe." "Childproof locks?" "I know." "They're really dangerous." "Murdering me is a sure sign you need help." "It isn't murder." "You're my conscience." "I look at it as..." "selective suicide." "Think about your progress." "This is gonna set you back weeks!" "Goodbye, Larry!" "He warned us you would try something like this." "Kid's got a nose for crazy." "Holy shit, is that a hotbox?" "Hey Larry, let me in, man, holy cow!" " Quick, open the door." " Nice try." "Whoa, that's not weed!" "Get off me!" "Larry warned us you were on the edge, but murder?" "Anything for fucking attention." "I'd have died if it wasn't for the oxygen in this blow-up doll." "Am I the only one who's got any sense around here?" "He's trying to fool you." "Can't you see he's the crazy one?" "We're getting you the help you need, Richard." "We're in this together." "I don't do partners." "Get off me!" "Look at him, look at his ears." "He's not even human!" "I hope you don't think I'm payin' for this." "All right, take it easy." "He's... he's not..." "Doctor says you can have a visitor." "So..." "Well, good news, you're not crazy." "Just a little stressed from the alcohol withdrawal." "I'm sorry about that, Richard, but it had to be done." "Ou have to think about your liver." "Well, everybody wants me to press charges against you." "Especially Ali Devon." "But don't worry, okay, because I'm not going to contribute to the growing involuntary manslaughter case against you." "I think all this was..." "was just a cry for help." "Partner." "And..." "I felt it." "I felt it." "Well, 24 more hours and you're out of here, right?" "And then tomorrow... is the first day of the rest of our lives." "You're not my conscience!" "You're not my conscience!" "Is 24 more hours gonna be enough time for him to dry out?" "I don't know." "Cover me." "Fuck you, Dick Fitz!"