"The whole notion of groupies was always intriguing to me." "Pathetic no life wanna-be star-trailing pseudo-religious wackos ready to sacrifice themselves for just one glance." "For just one word." "For just one touch." "From a stranger!" "A stranger who held the key to some unknown treasure." "I could never decide what was more interesting:" "the people who became groupies or the people who attracted them." "There were signs all over the road." "I guess I was just driving too fast and didn't see them, because somewhere on that road, I turned off on groupie street." "And I, Andrea Marr, was destined to become one." "This was my hometown, Porter City, where everyone had hopes;" "where everyone had dreams;" "where everyone had a band." "This is my neighborhood:" "The West Hills." "Not too many bands started out here." "And this is my house." "What can I say?" "I'm embarrassed." "And this is me at eighteen." "People tell me I've gotten pretty." "Even more horrifying and confusing, people tell me I've gotten sexy." "The problem is, in my eyes, I haven't changed much." "These are my parents." "They never really wanted children." "I think I was an accident." "Who knows?" "But what I did know was that they were way too old to have an 18-year-old daughter." "Anyway, it's the second half of the senior year." "For everyone else, a time of anticipation, a time for celebration." "For me, a time of agony." "Have you heard from Brown yet?" "Brown?" "Dream much, Andrea?" "Mr. Jones, I don't know why I let you talk me into applying." "There's no way I'm getting in." "Don't sell yourself short, Andrea." "It's the best paper I've ever read." "He'd give anything with tits an "A."" "Darcy, you've got tits." "What did you get?" "Darcy was a good friend." "You could always tell a good friend by how much they resented you." "I heard Cybil dyed her hair again." "Really?" "I was just getting used to the pink." "Yeah, I saw her yesterday." "It was all fucked up, you know, but it looked cool, too." "Right, Richard?" "Don't you think?" "Yeah." "Richard was painfully shy, so I try to give him a little confidence." "You know, being that I had so much of it." "So, Richard, I heard you passed your AP calculus exam." "That's great!" "You think?" "Yeah." "Oh, man!" "Hello, my little vagina boys." "Could I have my ball back?" "You're such a dick!" " Hmm." " Oh, god." "Wow, that was so funny." "All these people sitting here, looking at you." "Get down in there." "This was inexcusable behavior!" "This jerk had crossed the line!" "Somebody had to stop him, and that somebody was me." "Parker, why don't you just leave them alone?" "Help." "Well, hello, Andrea." "Sweet little Andrea." "Did you uh..." "Did you wanna talk" "'Cause I was wondering if maybe you might suck" "You guys okay?" "Cybil had the kind of strength I wanted." "No excuses." "No apologies." "She lived life her way, and if people didn't like it, well that was their problem." "I really admired her, and I could never figure out why she liked me." "I love your hair." "Doesn't matter." "I mean Sheila did it when she was 14." "Sandy did it when she was 13." "I am 17." "You're 18." "The national average is 16, Andrea!" "So?" "So we're supposed to be doing it." "I mean that's why we got what we got." "It's why we look the way we look." "What is it?" "Am I fat?" "Uhh." "No." "I have a feeling tonight is gonna be the night for both of us." "Chug chug chug chug chug chug!" "Yeah!" "Darcy, are you sure?" "I mean, you're ready to accept the responsibility of being sexually mature?" "What responsibility?" "I don't know." "It's just..." "Darcy, we don't even know these boys." "I know them!" "Besides, you don't have to know someone to do it with them, Andrea." "I mean, do you think they think that way?" "Hey!" "I guess not." "The next time we meet, we'll be women." "Wish me luck." "Good luck." "Hey, Scott." "Remember me?" "Sure." "Betty." "Darcy." "Yeah, sure." "You're from Franklin." "Porter City!" "Yeah, I remember." "Incidentally, this is when I encountered my first herd of groupies." "Poor girls." "To spend your whole life hoping you get noticed by some thick neck beer guzzling moron." "Hi, you wanna dance?" "I'd love to." "So are you guys playing a game?" "Or something?" "Mm, yeah." "So what's up?" "Not too much." "Your lips are ripe." "Your neck is ripe." "I'm an "A" student, you know." "Your brain is ripe." "Whoa... suddenly I felt ready, and this older, more experienced man would guide me into the land of love." "God, everything about you is ripe." "So long, nameless high school honor's geek." "Long live Andrea Marr, mature and ripe female human being." "I want you more than anything." "Mark, new keg's here bro!" "Yeah!" "So, are you a woman yet?" "Not yet, but I think Scott likes me." "Come on, Darcy." "Let's just get out of here." "Just a little longer." "Okay?" "Here." "Have a shot of tequila." "Oh yeah." "Oh, my god." "I'm gonna be a woman." "Oh, that's bad." "Hi." "Hi." "Oh, my god?" "What are you doing?" " It's cool, it's okay" " Get off of me!" "You're such a pig!" "You got a souvenir." "Isn't that what you groupies love?" "God, I can't believe it." "Neither can I." "It was so gross!" "I can't believe you stole Scott!" "High school fan, parasite, groupie" "I swore I'd never be called such a thing again." "If I only knew." "I'm late." "It wasn't my fault." "I'm sorry." "Read it." "You opened my mail?" "Read it!" ""On behalf of the faculty and administration at Brown University, I would like to welcome..."" "There must be some mistake!" "I mean how could my little girl go to Brown?" "As a side note, ever since this horrible thing happened to me, that is my turning sexy, my father was barely able to touch me." "Brown." "Me." "Wow." "It wasn't possible." "Did I deserve it?" "I mean 20 minutes ago some guy was masturbating on me." "Mom, I need more soap!" "WHY NO ONE HAS ANY AMBITION ANYMORE by Andrea Marr is this a paper a college girl would write?" "POVERTY, SELF DOUBT, AND NIHILISM" "IN THE Y GENERATION" "What do I know about poverty?" "I'm a West Hills girl." "Hopeless." "I don't know why you're in such a bad mood," "Ms. Ivy League." "I mean, god, if I knew they were letting in everyone this year, I would have applied too." "Just joking." "It's so dirty here." "Don't touch the railing." "It's dirty everywhere." "I was tired of my sheltered life." "The Twelve Street bridge was a place I had heard about where there was a thin line between being homeless and being an artist." "I wondered if I could fit in." "Andrea, I like being sheltered." "Ow." "Oh, yeah." "This was definitely me." "Andrea, what are we doing here?" "Exploring." "It is really scary here." "Hey!" "Hi." "Hi." "Nice fucking day, huh?" "Andrea..." "Andrea, let's go." "Would you relax?" "This is Derek." "That's Jonathan." "Hi, I'm Andrea." "Nice to meet you." "This is Darcy." "Any you guys got a smoke?" "Oh, god." "I think these are street people." "I saw a whole Sally Jesse episode on them." "Oh, dude." "That is no street person." "That is the guy from The Color Green." "The color what?" "What color?" "Green." "Only the coolest band on the east and west side." "I can't believe Todd Sparrow just asked you for a cigarette." "Who's Todd Sparrow?" "At that moment," "I knew that god had to have been a woman because a man like this could not have been created by accident." "Oh, Darcy..." "I felt like my whole life" "I had been sitting still and suddenly, I was set in motion." "Andrea, let's go!" "Let's go." "You okay?" "It don't matter." "Let's get out of here." "I can't breathe." "I'd forget about it if I were you." "You're right." "Consider it forgotten." "I can't!" "Andrea, I'm your friend, right?" "Why is it that every time someone says" ""I'm your friend," something unpleasant usually follows." "Of course, you're my friend." "Then listen to me." "You're too nice, too smart, too good for a guy like Todd Sparrow." "But he's so beautiful." "What are you guys talking about?" "Todd Sparrow." "That guy changed my life, man." "Blackman, no paper." "See me after class." "Mr. Jones, I got into Brown." "Congratulations." "This, on the other hand, 16 pages on Todd Sparrow is the worst paper I've ever read." "What are you thinking?" "Lookie!" "Lookie!" "Lookie!" "It's the vagina boys." "Ooh, all fear the vagina boys!" "Hey, you stay away from me, crazy bitch!" "God, you look cool." "Doesn't matter." "You all look like you could be in a band." "Rebecca Fernhurst." "She was pretty cool, but never really seemed to associate with any particular group, which made her sort of invisible." "She was the kind of girl who was always on the edge of the frame when a picture was taken, even when we were kids." "We are in a band." "Us and everyone else." "Yeah, but we're reality." "Right, Cybil?" "Sure, Greg." "What kind of tunes?" "Rock." "Yeah, but grunge rock or post grunge rock?" "Neo punk or alt pop, or alt pop grunge, or post pop alt pre-grunge or psych-post-pop-alt-grunge, or good time butt rock?" "Please." "Not good time butt rock." "I'm so sick of that shit." "I..." "It's music." "You can label if you want." "Hey, I respect that." "Hey, what's that stench?" "I stopped showering for a week." "Yeah, someone told him Kurt Cobain never showered." "Does that help you with your music?" "Hey, that's primitive, man, it's raw, it's roots, it's..." "So when are you guys playing?" "We have an open mic at O-Hell on friday." "Oh, no way." "I'm all over it." "Andrea, you wanna go together?" "Me and Rebecca Fernhurst going to O-Hell." "What would that mean?" "How would that affect the social order, and" "What's O-Hell?" "It's a club downtown." "It's no big deal." "We'll play other shows." "Are you kidding?" "I'm all over it!" "Andrea, Friday's the big game." "Rebecca said that the big game was stupid and that she was getting into culture now like reading books that weren't assigned and seeing bands, and that team sports were immature and violent rituals expressing an underlying desire for men" "to be together sexually, and for political reasons." "It was essential that we not attend." "And then she added..." "Do you think we'll miss any parties?" "What's up, kitty cat?" "Todd Sparrow." "Fuckin' A." "I like it." "Yeah, it must feel good to get out of that uniform, huh?" "Another retail rescue." "Yes!" "For the first time in my life," "I felt like an individual." "Oh, man." "I'm so amped." "This is gonna be dope!" "Ain't this the bomb?" "This is amazing!" "I've never seen anything like this!" "It was like nothing I had ever experienced." "People were getting kicked and smashed and falling down on top of me." "Whoa, he's cute." "And to think I almost went to the big game." "Hey, that was dope, boy!" "Yeah, that was "dope."" "We're the Bad Heads." "Yo, you guys thundered!" "We sucked." "But we'll get better." "Stick around for The Color Green!" "Yes, Andrea." "He's here." "And then god created man." "And I wanted to thank her right then and there for the snake, the apple, and the free will to mess up the entire world." "Because if she didn't, my body wouldn't ache the way it did for the deepest soul" "I had ever seen." "And my mind wouldn't ache for a boy named Todd Sparrow." "I'm your friend, right?" "Oh, man." "You are over." "Stick a fork in me." "Yeah, but what do you think of his music?" "Completely spiritual." "Congratulations." "You discovered life beyond MTV." "I think I'm gonna be sick." "That way." "God help me." "Hi, um..." "I was just looking for the bathroom." "This was not the visual" "I wanted for a first impression." "What's your name?" "Don't panic, don't panic." "Andrea." "My name's Andrea." "It's all right, Andrea." "Everything is all right." "I'm Todd." "Hi." "This is Carla, and that's Luke, and..." "Well, that's Luke." "'sup?" "Hi, I'm Andrea." "So, Andrea..." "Do you wanna go to a party with us?" "I would be unavailable now, shrouded in mystery." "He would always wonder what happened to that girl who had to go to the bathroom." "Absolutely." "Good." "Hey, you got a car?" "One of my teachers said that we were a bad generation and in ten years, the kids would be good again like when Reagan was president." "What was gonna change in ten years?" "Hey, Carla!" "Hey." "Have you seen Todd?" "He's in the bathroom." "Correction, Todd doesn't go to the bathroom." "So you guys are close, huh?" "Yeah, I'd say we're pretty close." "There he is." "Hey, Andrea!" "Dude, I've been looking all over for you." "Your folks are gonna be aggro if we don't get back." "Shut up." "What?" "Todd's coming." "Look at me for a second." "There you go." "Thanks." "Todd, this party's dope!" "Hey, C. Let's get out of here." "All right?" "I'm tired." "It was uh..." "Nice meeting you, Andrea." "Yeah, nice to meet you, too." "Maybe sometime, we can go for coffee or go to a movie or something." "Anything else you wanna say to his back?" "That was the shit, huh?" "Yeah, that was shit." "No, the shit!" "I'll see you tomorrow." "Okay." "I'm late." "It wasn't my fault." "I'm sorry." "We worry about our little girl." "You guys are the best!" "We just don't want anything to happen that could ruin your plans." "What plans?" "For college." "Oh, yeah." "That." "What's gonna ruin them?" "Sweetheart, I just couldn't get to sleep." "I was so embarrassed by that..." "Terrible demonstration." "Oh don't be." "You did a good job." "Huh?" "Deep in our hearts, your Mom and I know that you won't have sex until we are safely dead and buried." "Hmmm." "Okay, kiddo?" "I appreciate your faith, Dad." "Hurry up, bro!" "Wait up, man!" "I have been working on a new song, and I played it for my parents." "They loved it." "They said it was so good, like, you know," "I don't usually play them stuff because..." "I don't know-my Dad doesn't like it, but whatever." "Totally irrelevant;" "I mean you'll never find out what he's saying anyway." "Bye, Darcy." "Hey, guys!" "Hey, I like the dress!" "Oh, thank you." "She's going through the whole animal kingdom." "What's the matter?" "Nice disappearing act Friday." "Morning, people this is your principal." "This morning's spray painted message reflects more on you people than the target which happens to be me." "As a result, I am holding all of you responsible unless someone claims responsibility for this disrespectful act." "Are you uh..." "Are you okay?" " Yeah." " I'm gonna have an espresso bar and a pool table in my suite." "I want a 64 track and a wet bar." "It's gonna be the dope!" "Greg, you shouldn't be doing this." "Doing what?" "Look, I..." "I just know." "We've got it!" "It is a reality." "Right, Cybil?" "Where you going, Cybil?" "Mr. Jones, I'm gonna go claim responsibility for the disrespectful act." "You better watch it." "You're becoming a groupie." "No I wasn't!" "That's ridiculous!" "Was I?" "So, I searched for clues." "Anything to get to the bottom of this whole groupie thing..." "Anything to get closer to Todd Sparrow." "Bad idea." "Hopeless, I was destined to enter college with a well preserved hymen." "You're a hell of a dancer." "I know." "I mean um... thank you." "How do you know?" "I think we got trampled together the other night." "Remember?" "Oh it's you!" "The cute boy!" "Oh..." "Long day, huh?" "Long life actually." "I'm Kevin." "Andrea." "I know." "Everyone thinks they're gonna be the next Kurt Cobain." "And maybe they are..." "'cause record companies don't know what to look for anymore." "They take everyone who plays guitar seriously, even in a backwater town like this one, which is good, I guess, except they don't know what's good or bad." "They don't?" "Nope, I do." "You do." "Anyone who actually listens to music does." "I really wasn't interested in the content of what he said." "I just liked his voice and the excitement with which he spoke, so I encouraged him to keep talking." "Record people don't listen to music?" "No way!" "They only listen if you sound like someone else!" "There's something pure and real..." "I didn't hear a word he said because every one of them merged into a single rumbling which bounced off the walls of his spacious loft and directly into my loins." "At that moment, I knew he would be the first." "What do you think?" "I never imagined that I would be in the arms of such an amazing lover." "You all right?" "Mmm-hmmm." "It's okay?" "Mmmhm." "You all right?" "Mmm-hmm." "Sure you're okay?" "Mmmhm!" "And then it happened." "Who's this?" "It's me:" "Kevin." "The cute boy." "No, on the record player." "Todd Sparrow." "Pre-Color Green." "Okay, let's go." "I heard his voice." "And I knew he was with me." "Going to Northwestern Journalism School in the fall." "Sorry timing's rotten." "I'll see you again." "What do you think?" "I think I made a terrible mistake!" "I'd like that." "I'm so happy, Andrea." "Um..." "Goodnight, Kevin." "So I'll call you when I get home." "Hi, I'm not a virgin anymore!" "Night." " Night." " Night, dear." "Oh, god!" "Thank you." "I love you!" "We love you too, sweetheart." "Night, sweetheart." "Good night!" "Good night." "Oop!" "I wondered if they would love me if they knew what I did today." "I was all woman now." "All woman." "But I felt guilty." "Not for the loss of my innocence, but rather for the betrayal of my heart, a heart that belonged to Todd Sparrow." "You had sex." "You did." "You had sex." "Look at you!" "Well talk to me, you big slut." "How was it?" "Disappointing." "I wish I'd saved it." "Oh no way." "You kidding?" "You gotta get that first one over with." "That way when it really counts you won't be sitting there the whole time going, "I'm not a virgin anymore." "I'm not a virgin anymore."" "Think of it as a warm up." "A warm up?" " A warm up to what?" " Hey, Andrea." "Hey, Jonathan." "Hey, Derek." "You know gay guys?" "Cool." "And then Rebecca looked at me as if I had answers to many questions." "I recognize that look because that's how I looked at Cybil." "You bet I know gay people." "This thing was magnificent!" "Oh, my god... no, how about the time " "Hey." " Hey, how you doing?" " Have you guys seen Todd around?" "No, I haven't seen him." "No, I saw his friend, what's-her-name?" "Carla, man." "That girl is cold." "Arctic, man." "Arctic." "She's over at the square." "Thanks you, guys." "I gotta go." "I got a thing." "Yeah, whatev." "Check you later." "Hey, C!" "Carla." "He's over at Strictly Local's." "Hmmm?" "Who, I mean who do you" "Todd." "He's over at Strictly Local's." "Oh." "So how are you doing?" "He's not gonna be there very long, so you might wanna get going." "Um..." "He doesn't interest me very much quite frankly." "Come here." "I'll see you later, Andrea." "Okay." "Terrific." "We'll have to hang out sometime." "She was so cool, so nonchalant." "It made her so attractive, so elusive." "No wonder Todd spent so much time with her." "It was an epiphany for me." "From now on, that would be me." "Cool and nonchalant." "Say something!" "Say something!" "Say something." "Bathroom Andrea." "How you doing?" "He always knew just the right thing to say." "Yeah, that's me." "So, what are you doing?" "Just looking at records." "This is pretty cool." "You know these guys?" "I wanted to know those guys." "I wanted to know what Todd knew." "I wanted to be cool, and I wanted to say yes, but that wouldn't have been me." "Yes, I do." "See. these guys are on Pig Gut." "That's Buzz Mitchell's label." "He's been trying to sign us for awhile, but I..." "I don't know." "What do you think?" "Well why wouldn't you?" "I don't know." "Guy's just some rich guy." "Comes from a lot of money." "the music is to him, you know?" "What a bunch of bullshit!" "Oh, yeah?" "Why is that?" "Keep going, Andrea." "Keep going." "Well..." "If Buzz is using family money to start a record label, then he's probably rebelling against an overbearing father by putting his money into what is historically an unpredictable industry." "There's probably nothing Buzz would rather do than succeed in the face of" ""You'll never be anything." "You're a flake." "Your stupid record label."" "So why would he take a chance at signing someone he didn't believe in?" "He's heard your music." "It's great and he recognized it." "So quit looking a gift horse in the mouth and go make a record!" "If your music is so important to you, then you'll do anything to get it out there so that it can start affecting people the way that it affected me." "Huh?" "Oh, my god!" "I am so sorry, I..." "I..." "I didn't wanna offend you," "I mean that's the last thing I" "It's all right, Andrea." "Everything is all right." "Your place is amazing." "It's uh Carla's actually." "You know her well?" "I mean, are you two..." "We're really close." "She lets me hang here, so..." "That's really neat." "She seems very nice." "Yeah, yeah." "This is uh... this is my room here." "He wasn't just a musician." "He was an artist, and his whole world was one big canvas." "Sit down." "I wanna play something for you." "It's not finished yet, but I don't know" "I just want you to..." "Get naked?" "Hear it anyway." "He sang with passion." "He sang with pain." "He sang for about 20 seconds." "That's all I got." "It sucks, huh?" "It's beautiful." "Makes me feel kind of strange." "You got some artist in you." "I don't think so." "Nah, you do." "I can tell." "And then he said..." "If it was in your soul to do it, then fate would just take you there." "And everything else was just a test to see if you were the real thing." "You the real thing, Andrea?" "I am." "I am!" "Yes." "I knew what was about to happen, and I was ready." "It had already happened a hundred times in my mind." "That was amazing." "It sure was." "Oh, I don't smoke." "I gotta go." "Where are you going?" "I just promised the guys" "I would go meet them at practice." "Practice?" "It's just band practice." "You guys?" "You guys are famous." "You don't need to be going to practice right now." "It's just a guy coming to see us." "I'd like the band to be as tight as possible, you know." "Oh no." "I was bad, wasn't i?" "Oh, Andrea." "You were perfect." "You were... you were more than perfect." "Look, it's..." "You can stay here as long as you want, all right?" "Just... just don't take anything." "It's all right, Andrea." "Everything is all right." "I needed someone to talk to, someone who wouldn't judge me;" "someone who could understand what had just happened to me." "The school psychologist was a temporary arrangement since the old one got fired after the recent suicides." "So I told her I felt like I had been totally fucked." "I told her it was so weird because with Kevin I had sex, but now I'd been fucked." "It was different, you know?" "When someone fucked you, it made you understand that you were female." "They were male, and you were female, and they fucked you." "You know... fucked." "Fuck you!" "Did I say something wrong?" "I'm so..." "I'm sorry." "Can you hold that door?" "Parker." "You got fucked!" "I can't believe it." "Who was it?" "Was it the cute boy from the club?" "Oh, no." "Cute boys don't fuck." "Ah, no way." "Don't tell me." "Don't tell me you got bolted by Todd Sparrow." "What the flood?" "Hey, guys." "What's up?" "Why are you crying?" "I don't know!" "Be careful what you wish for," "Huh, Andrea." "I can't believe you went to the bone yard with Todd Sparrow." "That rules!" "You got boned by Todd Sparrow?" "I don't think it's any of our business, Greg." "Shut up!" "We didn't just bone." "That is incredible!" "Where you going?" "Someplace else, and take a shower." "You stink!" "Cybil!" "Yeah?" "Cybil, please." "Come on." "I need you" "You're a big girl." "It doesn't matter what I think." "Cybil, come on." "If you want him, don't chase him." "I'll call you!" "Okay." "Darcy, what's the matter?" "I did it." "That's great, Darcy." "With who?" "Just some guy." "No one you know." "Well come on." "Tell me everything!" "I didn't really want to at first but..." "Then we kind of got into it, you know?" "And I wanted to stop, but he said..." "What?" "He said if we stopped he'd..." "He'd get this pain in his testicles." "Oh." "Well at least you're a woman now, right?" "Poor Darcy." "I guess I just chose my men more wisely." "It's all right, Darcy." "Everything is all right." "Listen, I gotta go." "Maybe I'll just tag along." "Well, I'm going to Strictly Local's." "It isn't really your scene." "But we'll get together really soon, okay?" "I was such a bitch." "I can't believe I did that to my friend." "I felt so guilty." "I felt so bad." "I felt like trying to find Todd." "Okay." "So what if it was a one night stand?" "Couldn't we still be friends?" "And if we were friends, could we maybe have sex again?" "And what about Carla?" "Was he having sex with her?" "Was he having sex with all the girls down town?" "And if I had sex with him more, would that mean that I was his girlfriend?" "His girlfriend." "Was it possible?" "Was I old enough?" "Was I cool enough?" "Was I?" "This was exactly what I needed." "A little coffee, little time to myself, and nothing to remind me of Todd Sparrow." "Hi." "Hi." "So how's everything?" "You're from the West Hills, right?" "Yeah." "So you got money, and you're smart." "I'm not that smart." "Oh, I bet you're real smart." "You're real pretty, too." "Thanks." "You're too good for him." "He doesn't deserve a girl like you." "Why do you say that?" "Cause I'm his sister." "And then it all made sense, and I imagine their parents dying in a tragic accident when they were young and Carla bringing up her little brother in this dangerous world all by herself." "There was a sadness about her, and I wanted to fix her hair, but she was already so beautiful." "Surprised?" "Yeah." "Relieved?" "Yeah." "He's in Seattle." "You want his address?" "I decided to be coy." "Yes, I do." "Just remember that I warned you." "I wanted Todd Sparrow to know exactly what everyone else thought:" "that I was too good for him;" "that he didn't deserve me;" "that I was not a woman to be taken for granted." "I would choose my words carefully, so they might cut him to the bone." "Dearest Todd, too Jane Austin." "Dear Mr. Sparrow," "What am I?" "Crazy?" "We had sex!" "Thanks for having..." "Sex with me." "Todd." "Todd!" "Fuck!" "Dear Todd, a picture's worth a thousand words." "Dear Todd," "I miss you." "Love, Andrea" "I followed my heart, so I could hold my head up high." "We're Thrift Store Apocalypse." "Thrift Store Apocalypse?" "It's better than The Bad Heads." "Wow, they're a lot different." " Definitely." " Definitely better." "Yeah." "Excuse me." "Hey, how you doing?" "Excuse me." "Pardon me?" "Thanks." "Hey, you know the name of this band?" " Thrift Store Apocalypse!" " What?" " Thrift Store Apocalypse!" " Thrift Store Apocalypse!" "Thrift Store Apocalypse!" "Okay, Buzz!" "You guys were so incredible." "I cannot even get over it." "You thundered." "Hey, hey, hey, uh..." " Cybil." " Cybil, man!" "God!" "I'm Buzz." "This is my assistant Jill." "Jillian." "God, you sounded great out there." "Just, just amazing." "Can we buy you a cup of coffee?" "Fuck off." "I'm tired." "Uh..." "Well, um..." "let me explain." "Um, I own Pig Gut Records." "I never heard of it." "She has heard of it!" "Cybil, Cybil, that's Todd Sparrow's label!" "I don't care." "Well, he probably wants to give you a record contract!" "What do I need a record contract for?" " Bye, Andrea." "Bye, bye." " It's your life!" "Hey, Andrea!" "Oh no..." "Hi, Kevin." " Hey." " Hey." "Why didn't you return my calls?" "Oh, I didn't know." "When did you call?" "I've called every day." "Every day?" "Talk about desperate." "I didn't get any messages." "Parents." "I know what that's like." "Yeah." "Hey, take your time." "I'll wait." "So, what's going on?" "Oh, not too much." "Just sleeping with Todd Sparrow." "Oh, not too much." "Is something on your mind?" "Uh, it's nothing." "It's..." "I don't even wanna dignify it." "What is it?" "It's just that I heard this stupid rumor you slept with Todd Sparrow." "You did?" "I mean, you did?" "It isn't true, is it?" "Todd and I have been seeing each other." "Todd doesn't see girls!" "He fucks them!" "You know, that is so rude." "You don't even know him!" "Todd and I have something very special." "I gotta go." "Oh..." "Hey, kitty cat!" "You and I had something very special!" "That was amazing." "It sure was." "Hey, I said that he liked you, not that he wanted to be your boyfriend, Andrea." "I mean, guys like Todd Sparrow, they're not the boyfriend type, you know?" "No, I don't know!" "But I did know." "What I didn't know was why this boy was a part of me?" "What did he have that I wanted?" "What did he have that I needed, and why was I incomplete without him?" "Anything from Todd Sparrow?" "Who the hell is Todd Sparrow?" "Hey, what's up, Andrea?" "Oh, hey." "Have you seen Cybil?" "No, I haven't seen her." "Cause she missed rehearsal last night, you know, and I'm pissed off, you know?" "Cause bands of the reality are not supposed to miss rehearsals!" "Greg, Cybil is the only reason we are a band." "That's reality." "That's not true." "And by the way, could you shut up?" " Yes, it is." " Bye, you guys." "And by the way, you shut up." "What?" "Cybil home?" "No, she's not." "Fuck." "She stayed out all night." "I'm gonna kick her skinny little ass." "She was at my house." "Yeah, right." "I oughta get going." "I could never be an artist." "I had very little tragedy in my life." "Something was happening all around me." "It was like some kind of plague, a plague that was searching for teenage victims only because we were searching for it." "I needed a connection, something or someone to reassure me that I was still me and that things would be okay." "Hey." "Hey." "Oh hey, Marjorie." "What are you guys doing?" "We've got Hanson tickets." "Maybe I'll tag along." "Well, it's been sold out for months." "Besides, why would you wanna go?" "Yeah, it's not really your scene anyway, right?" "Yeah, right." "Okay, I guess I'll see you guys around." "Bye." "I felt scared." "I felt alone." "I felt change." "I closed my eyes and let my chest fill up." "I let my eyes fill up, and then I began to cry for me, for Cybil, for Darcy, for everyone." "Most of all, I cried for Todd Sparrow." "And for just a split second, I felt his arms around me." "And it was okay." "Can I come in, honey?" "Yeah, daddy." "Come in." "Why are you crying?" "I'm not." "Okay." "You know..." "Your Mom and I are old and..." "Well..." "We don't get it, but..." "I just have to tell you something." "We are so proud of you and we are so grateful that you are ours." "Oh." "This came for you today." "Hey, daddy?" "Yes, honey?" "You do get it." "Goodnight, darling." "Thanks for writing, Andrea." "The band's doing well." "We've been recording a lot of new material." "The CD should be on the shelves soon." "Take care of yourself, and thanks for your support." "Todd." "It could have been written by his PR guy." "That was it!" "I knew right then and there what had to be done." "Kevin, I'm sorry." "Don't worry about it." "I'll get us a seltzer." "He was so understanding." "Good idea." "I hated that." "You okay?" "Who would have thought that good looks, intelligence, ambition, and sincerity could come together in one boy and be so devastatingly unattractive." "But maybe this was my fate." "Maybe this was my destiny and I would learn to love him and every night we would" "Kevin, I gotta get out of here." "Oh, well, I'll go with you." "Great." "This is what I'm talking about." "I can't believe they think Garth is our local rising star." "That wife beating, label-licking L.A. sellout shouldn't be allowed to live here let alone play gigs here." "It's the whole good bad thing I was talking about." "I don't know the difference." "He was like a verbal jackhammer." "It was like vroom vroom vroom right on your brain until you just wanted to blow the back of your head out." "Kevin, do you even play music?" "No." "Wait a second." "Cybil!" "Andrea!" "Cybil?" "Hey, Andrea." "Where have you been?" "Buzz Mitchell's." "Buzz Mitchell's?" "He said if I needed a place to crash I could." "I needed to, so I did; that's it." "Are you sure you're okay?" "Hey, look." "I need you to clean out my locker for me." "I'm dropping out." "We only have two months left." "Why torture myself." "I'm not a scholar like you." "Hey, I'm not a scholar!" "Oh, okay." "I'm just gonna call Brown and tell them." "Well, what about your diploma?" "I don't think I'm gonna be needing a diploma." "You got a record contract, didn't you?" "Oh, my god!" "I am so proud of you!" "My terms, mine." "That's the way it's always been!" "Hey, Andrea." "Remember me?" "We're gonna go celebrate!" "Hey." "Hey." "You all right?" "Yeah, I'm good." "Where you been, Cybil?" "Kurt Cobain never missed a rehearsal." "You didn't tell them?" "What?" "What?" "What don't we know?" "Buzz Mitchell talked to me about doing a record on his label." "You guys, that's Todd Sparrow's label." "You guys are gonna be famous!" "I can't fucking believe this!" "I knew it." "I told you." "I told you." "I knew it!" "Oh, my god." "I'm gonna have my 24 track." "No, 48 track, and unlimited tracks in my dream house." "I can't fucking believe this!" "Oh, man, that is incredible!" "Well, don't believe it." "He only wants me." "What?" "He only wants me." "Oh." "But you told him we were a band, right?" "That we had to come with you, right?" "No, that we were reality." "No, that we were reality." "We're a band, right?" "Buzz says that you guys aren't good enough musicians." "He's got some other guys he wants to hook me up with." "I'm not even gonna be able to play the bass." "Shit!" "Richard, look." "There is nothing I can do." "I always knew you were the band, Cybil." "I hope you do well." "I know you will." "Your terms, huh?" "Look, I didn't get everything I wanted, but I made a choice, and I am not gonna apologize for that." "Yeah, right." "Cybil never apologizes." "Makes it a lot easier that way, doesn't it, Cybil?" "When business collides with an artistic medium, conflict inevitably follows." "Fuck off, pretty boy." "I was beginning to buy into all that rock star BS." "What you guys did on the stage wasn't BS." "That was good." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "And you know something else, the way you handled that situation back there, that was incredible." "I would have gone nuts." "Yeah..." "Well, when you've had as much disappointment and humiliation as I've had, you..." "You learn to accept it with a certain amount of grace." "Yeah?" "Well, I think you're terrific." "Hey, assholes." "Guess what I heard." "I give up." "Color Green's got its first big gig up north tonight and guess who's going?" "Drive three hours to be ignored by Todd Sparrow again?" "Absolutely not!" "I'm in." "Me too." "I really dig you, man." "I know that, you know, I can talk a lot and so then therefore, there's not much space for you to do much talking, but I think you're a quiet guy anyways, right?" "How much longer?" "Maybe not so much longer!" "No, dude;" "I swear it's around here somewhere." "No, this is bad." "This is so bad." "We're gonna miss it." "We're not gonna see him." "We're gonna miss it." "We're gonna not see him." "Dude, chill out." "Here." "Dig some of that." "Oh, sweet Jesus." "It's like everybody's trying to keep me from seeing Todd!" "This blows!" "We're getting in!" "Ahhh, we're moving." "We're moving." "Hey, how's it going?" "Come on in." "ID." "ID, sir." "The paper says it's an all ages show." "Oh, well, you can't believe everything you read, can you?" "No, but, dude, we just drove 200 miles!" "Well it looks like you're gonna have a long trip back." "Why don't you just tell Todd Sparrow that Andrea Marr's outside?" "Let me get a pen." "Yeah, and can you tell Todd that Susie's outside?" "The one with the tattoo." "Where's the tattoo?" "Use your imagination." "Come on in." "Enjoy your drive." "Jerk." "All right." "So now what?" "I don't know." "I guess we go home." "See, this isn't so bad!" "It's about as bad as it gets!" "Andrea, please." "Can we just go home?" "I have to see Todd!" "I'm in love with him!" "It won't be very much longer!" "And out of the light he walked." "He would see me and he would realize the mistake that he had made." "He would beg my forgiveness." "Todd!" "Todd!" "Todd!" "That was the worst experience of my entire life." "Right there with you, dude." "Suddenly it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe," "I, Andrea Marr, was turning into a groupie, one whose entire existence was no different than all the others he loved the same." "And though we all love the same, I felt different." "I felt special..." "Because maybe, just maybe, that smile was for me." "That night, I had the strangest dream." "Everyone was there:" "Darcy, Rebecca, Cybil." "And Todd was there too." "Everyone was." "Everyone but me." "I was somewhere else." "I was..." "It must have been drug induced because I didn't have a clue what the dream meant." "This is how the author wants the journey of the readers to parallel the journey of John Marcher, the protagonist." "It is a slow, trudging, dreary, verbose journey" "doomed just like John Marcher." "Does anybody know a character like John Marcher?" "Surely someone must know someone in their life that is doomed or feels themselves doomed and has created that." "Mr. Jones!" "You are so not funny!" "I knew it'd get you out here." "Okay, I'm here." "I'm opening for Color Green at La Luna." "That's a big deal, isn't it?" "Big?" "It's the deal." "It's my first real gig." "What about Richard and Greg?" "Give me a break, Andrea." "Come on." "Please?" "I can't play if you don't come." "Like I really believe that!" "I need you there." "I'll think about it." "You'll get to see Todd." "Thought about it." "Yes, I love you!" "I think that's..." "Andrea..." "Come on, Cybil." "Don't be so desperate!" "Hi, Mr. Jones." " Hey!" " Hey!" "As I watched Cybil come into her own," "I felt completely at peace." "And completely untouchable." "Hey, I missed you." "Be cool." "Oh, hey." "And nonchalant." "Spin me around and kiss me, you big stud!" "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome "The Color Green."" "From there, it only got better because the music scene got quiet for a while and there wasn't much for Todd to do except take me out to romantic places." "He wined me and he dined me." "I felt like a princess." "Fuck, Todd." "Come on, man." "And then it happened." "The sometimes annual end-of-the-year blowout concert at Bresnick's Pond." "It was like a mini Woodstock, and all of us set aside our differences." "And for one afternoon, we could be just like they were in the sixties." "everyone was there, even the MTVers as Cybil was by now our most famous dropout." "But of all the shooting stars that took the stage that day, there was still only one that burned the brightest." "I finally felt like a somebody and I had all the respect I so richly deserved." "Ow!" "Todd, Todd." "Come on, man." "It's your encore." "I'm coming, I'm coming, coming." "What the fucking shit!" "This sucks!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "We were not only one with each other, but we were with the cosmos..." "With all of nature." "Hi, Cybil." "Congratulations." "You arrived, Andrea." "You're a full fledged groupie." "Cybil..." "I can't believe that was you up there on stage." "Are you like Todd Sparrow's girlfriend or something?" "I guess." "You're so lucky!" "What did Cybil know?" "I wasn't just a groupie." "I was a celebrity." "I was Todd Sparrow's girlfriend." "I was." "Well, what do you mean you're leaving?" "I gotta go on tour." "Well..." "I could go with you." "You could take me with you and I'd be with you." "I'll just see you when I get back." "All right?" "When's that gonna be?" "I don't know." "It's all right, Andrea." "Everything's all right." "And then he was gone." "I want to get a beautiful picture of some beautiful girls." "Watch your finger in front of the lens." "Let's have a little fromage here." "Everybody remember." "This is..." "Is your finger in front of you?" "the best day of your life." " Here we go." " Okay." "Ahhh, oh ooooh." "Oh, are you all right?" "I'm all right, darling." "We could barbeque tomorrow, and we'd love to sing." "Barbeque?" "Oh, you like barbeque?" "Cool!" "So what are your plans, Rebecca?" "I don't know." "Got any ideas?" "Dad, I'll be right back." "Bec, I'll call you." "Okay?" "Okay, see you later!" "Hey." "Hey." "Where are your parents?" "They couldn't come." "They're busy, you know?" "What about Greg?" "He didn't uh..." "Richard, where is Greg?" "He uh..." "He was my best friend." "Greg's suicide note read simply one word: reality." "I had a hard time justifying going to the graduation party, but I figured that everyone would just want some kind of human connection." "Someone to talk to and together we would come to terms with what had happened to our friend." "Hey, kitty cat!" "Hey." "I just want to tell you that I really love you, and I'm so happy we're friends!" "I love you, too!" "Really." "I love you!" "But this party blows, so I'm gonna bail." "But I'll call you tomorrow." "Okay?" " Okay." " See ya." "Bye!" "Darcy?" "Fuck off!" "Leave me alone!" "No, I'm not gonna leave you alone." "Darcy, what are you doing?" "What do you care?" "I care a lot." "I know I haven't been a very good friend to you, but I have never stopped caring about you." "I swear to god." "Darcy, this isn't about that." "You need to see a doctor." "Would you please tell me you'll see a doctor?" "Yeah, okay." "That's good." "I am so jealous of you." "Why?" "Because you've..." "you've got everything." "And because you're such a bitch!" "Let's get you cleaned up." "We're women now." "And what's so funny is..." "This was the first time I actually felt like one." "So is the boy with the 18 testicles here?" "Shut up!" "Yes, he is." "Well let's go find him!" "Well, well, well!" "If it isn't Karen Carpenter..." "Say, Darce. how was dinner the second time around?" "Was it good?" "Parker, shut up." "Andrea, is that you?" "Gosh, I didn't even recognize you standing there." "You've been spending so much time on your back lately." "Parker, it's graduation." "Oh, I know." "I know." "I'm not gonna have this opportunity again, so..." "I wanna make the best of it, right?" "Now, this is the way I see it." "You can both..." "Suck..." "My" "That was for Greg, vagina boy." "Richard!" "Darcy, would you dance with me?" "Absolutely." "No words could describe the pure perfection of that moment." "Congratulations, Andrea Marr." "I need to talk to you." "It's my fault." "It's my fault he's dead." "Cybil..." "It wasn't your fault." "It was business." "It was a choice." "No, he was weak." "And I knew he was weak and I did it anyway." "He was so..." "He was so much like me." "Cybil..." "You wanted something, and you went for it." "And you have the talent and you got it." "How is that weak?" "I'm gonna dedicate my record to you." "Why?" "Because you were my inspiration." "Because..." "You're everything I've ever wanted to be." "Cybil..." "What do you mean?" "What am i?" "I'm nothing." "You're everything." "I knew I wasn't gay." "And Cybil knew she was." "But I'm glad it happened because no matter what would become of us, me and my friend Cybil would always have that kiss." "I'll see ya." "Yeah, I'll see ya." "That night, I didn't go home straight away." "My world was so backward" "I probably wouldn't have been able to find it." "I thought about Rebecca saying she loved me and Darcy saying she was jealous of me." "And Richard with the chair." "That was incredible!" "And I thought about Cybil and how hard she was on the outside, but she was just like all of us." "And then I thought about our kiss and how this night could not have been any stranger." "Hey, Andrea!" "Hey." "We need to talk." "I know." "That night, Todd Sparrow poured his soul into the air and it condensed and dripped into my hands." "He told me how sorry he was that he had treated me so badly and it was hard to be an icon at such a young age." "There was so much pressure and all." "And that deep down, he hated himself and all of his music and that I had believed in him from the start and he couldn't tour without me." "Let's see." "What else?" "Oh, yeah!" "He said he had a hard life and he liked me from the first time he saw me when I had to go to the bathroom." "And then he stopped, looked at me, and said..." "So what's your story?" "I'm going to Brown in the fall." "Brown like..." "like east coast Brown?" "Mmmhm." "That's like um..." "That's Ivy League, isn't it?" "Yeah, it is." "Wow, that's um..." "That's a good school, right?" "I mean..." "You must be smarter than I thought!" "Yeah, I probably am." "Yeah, that's cool." "That's never happened to me before." "You know, I've read articles." "It's not that uncommon." "Can I get you a sandwich or something?" "Oh, no, no, no, no, no;" "I'm good" "Carla's got a lot of stuff in the fridge if you..." "I don't need anything." "You know, I've been writing a lot." "I wrote a song, I'd like to play for you." "Oh, Todd?" "You know, it's really, really late, you know?" "I just I have a lot of things I have to do." "You're gonna leave me, aren't you?" "Well, I mean, I gotta go home." "Nah, I..." "I mean you're gonna leave me." "I mean you're gonna go to this Ivy League, you know, and you're gonna forget all about me, aren't you?" "You know, I just..." "I don't know if I can cope with that right now." "I need you, Andrea, you know?" "I need you... you changed me." "You changed my music." "I just don't wanna be alone anymore." "And I said..." "It's all right, Todd." "Everything is all right." "Yeah." "Everything's fine." "Hey!" "Change was a mysterious thing particularly when it didn't happen." "I was excited about starting my life." "I could never decide what was more interesting:" "the people who became groupies, or the people who attracted them?" "I got lost once on a road very similar to this one, and when I found my way again," "I realized that a groupie wasn't such a bad thing." "It just meant that you wanted or admired something you saw in someone else." "I just never thought that someone else might see something in me." "After all, I was a woman."