"I'd like to say that in the beginning I was easier, but truth be told, I was as bigger pain then as I turned out to be later." "But I'm getting ahead of myself." "Right now the unbreakable bond between a mother and daughter was about to be born." "So just listen and watch and pay attention." "Look, look." "Hi, baby." "God, she is beautiful!" "You've changed our lives forever, baby." "If he only knew..." "Mom and dad had waited a long time for a kid." "They tried everything so you can only imagine how many hopes and dreams were pinned on me, their firstborn, even though I was a potted plant." " Honey..." " What?" "I can't hear Jane." "She's not making any noise." "She's fairly asleep." "Just like I was." "Robert, you gotta calm down." "Go back to sleep." "No, no, no." "I'm gonna check on her." "It took us this long to have a baby." "I'm damned if I'm gonna let her suffocate." "You are insane." "Okay, fine." "I'm coming too." " What are you doing?" " I don't want her turning red." "That was a seminal moment for me." "And yes, I do too, remember it." "Babies know way more stuff that goes on than you think." "And from that moment on I felt like the spotlight was on me, but I've never gotten used to it." " Turn that light off!" " Sorry, sorry." "To make it through year one is quite an accomplishment." "Although no one ever gives you an "utta boy" for it, they really should." "And another thing I learned that year is that if parents could crazy glue us to them, they would." "My mother was pregnant and ready to pop again and I stupidly thought that when Brad was born he'd take some of the pressure off me." "Boy, was I wrong." "This was also the goo-goo-ga-ga period." "It's a little dull, so let's jump ahead, shall we?" "I wish our parents were here to see this." "Both mom and dad's parents were dead." "I missed not having grandparents." "They missed not having parents more." " How long are we gonna sit here?" " A long time." "My mother knew that some day she was going to have to let me go." ""Run free, little one"." "But she didn't want it to be on this day or any day soon." "And so began the parents witness protection programme." "Honey, she's got to go to school and I've got to go to work." "So either we do this as a family or I'll take her in myself." "How important is kindergarten anyway?" "I can't remember it." "Can you?" "It's not the point." "What is the point?" "The point is we can't protect her forever." " Why not?" " It's not healthy." "And it's healthy that you are not protecting her?" "Honey, she's gotta be around kids." "She has to start developing social skills." "Why?" "Oh, this is nuts." "I am taking her in." "Come on!" "Let's go." "Are you coming?" "No." "I want her to have the memory of you leaving." "Blackmail is an interesting thing if you use it properly." "My mother had a black belt in it." "My mother wanted to be a dancer." "But she'll tell you about that later." "Let's just say her expectations were way too high." "They hugged us so tightly that you could almost hear the air escape from our tiny little bodies." " You were wonderful." " You were brilliant." "We were awful." "Moving on." "Hey, baby, how you feeling?" "Come on, sweetie." "Here, drink this." "Come on, make you feel better." "Promise." "My parents loved me more than life itself." "But it was my mother who truly would have cut off her right arm had I asked her to." "Not quite sure why but you get the picture." "Let's get to the good stuff." "Let's get to where my life really started, okay?" "It's a very important day." "This is one thing suddenly begin to fall into place." "Our little girl, all grown up, first day of high school." "Janey, all the world is at your feet." "Dad, mom, I gotta go." "Just let your father and I share this moment with you." "All right." "But any more moments and your little girl is gonna be late for her first day of school." "That's not a good way for me to start my wonder years, is it?" " Get out of the car." " Hold it." "Hold it." " You forget it." " Come on." "Come on." "From now on, I'm walking to school by myself." " Got it?" " Yeah, we got it." "I don't think so." "I'm Ms. Walcott and I will be your English teacher through your tortuous first year of high school." "And I guarantee that you'll make it through the experience alive." "Now, I'm pretty easy to get along with as long as you follow a few of my simple rules:" "One, if you show me respect, I'll show it to you and two, if you have any questions ask me, and three, if you're feeling overwhelmed and need somebody to talk to, you can talk to me." "I know it's hard to believe but I am not so old that I can't relate to what you might be going through." "So, let's hit the book, shall we?" "I want you to turn to page 424 in Latin language..." "The beauty of reading is that it's personal, it's your interpretation." "It's what you think, it's what you feel, it's what you see..." "And that's what makes it so magical." "And I hope that if you learn nothing else from me" "I set you learned to love words." "They'll save you someday." "Trust me on that." "Have a great lunch!" "Jane, over here!" "I can't believe you're not in our class." "Who do you get?" "Ms. Walcott." "She's cool, though." "She is my guidance counselor too." "Your luck just never ends." "We got a bonehead, Mr. Speavek." "That's the new boy." "Oh, is he a hottie or what?" "Oh, my god, Jane!" "He smiled at you!" "Why did he smile at you?" "Why not at me?" "Competition is an ugly quality." "One I can honestly say was not a problem for me." "Although I had many other problems, that was not one of them." "Hi, I'm Ned." "Elizabeth, Betsy, Claire and Jane." "Nice meeting you." "Jane's got a boyfriend." "Jane's got a boyfriend." "Leave me alone, I'm not interested." "You are idiot then." "He was positively drooling." " So?" " So, don't be retarded." "He's like the cutest guy I've ever seen here except for Todd Burkin, captain of the football team who I am going after studying today." "But back to you, we need to jump start your hormones." "You're away of height." "And that's where the fingerpointing begun." " Brad, stop it." "I'm doing homework." " So?" " Mom!" " What is it honey?" "I was in here first and I need to do my homework." " Brad, turn the Nintendo off." " But why?" " Your sister's studying." " She always gets her way." "You go wash up for dinner." "I should have been a girl, then you'd be nicer to me." " Goodness." " You'd have been an ugly girl." "Jane!" "As you can tell, I didn't much care for my brother." "I don't even know why but I think it's mandatory." "Janey, be nice to your brother." "Why?" "Lost about with your homework?" "Yeah, it's Math." "Sorry, can't help you there." "But how did you get through it in school?" "I didn't." "What were you good at?" "Mmm." "English, recess..." "You are a lot smarter than I was at your age." " You do fine." " I think not." "What do you say if Saturday, the two of us, just the girls, do the shopping, go to movies, just... just chill." "It's not the phrase, just "chill"?" "No." "It's "hang"." "Oh, "hang"." "What do you say?" "I would say you're the bomb." "Oh, I'm the bomb." "Oh, I'm the bomb." "Great!" "And at the time, I meant it with all of my little heart." "So, how do you like high school?" "It's okay." "In compare to what, anal surgery?" "Bob, you just find it thrilling because you don't have to go through it again." "If you wanted to go back that far, if you can really remember, it was pretty rough." "You know, new kids, new teachers, don't know where to go, all the questions..." "Brad, dinner!" "Sweetheart, we have to start planning your sweet sixteen party." "Why?" "It's months away." "You never start too early planning really important events." "I really don't want a party." "What?" "Everybody wants a sweet sixteen party." "Everyone but me." "I don't know." "What teenage girl especially doesn't wanna have a sweet sixteen party?" "You know, it's what every kid should have." "Wait a second, who are you?" "The Janice I've known all these years never did anything that was expected ever." "Yeah, what happened to the "hell with society" girl we all used to know and love?" "She became a mother." "A mother?" "Jane Fonda, meet Nancy Reagan." "Ooo." "Ouch!" "That is cold." "But accurate." "How did you do at that Math test?" "Hum." "I think I'll pick out a C." "I'm so proud of you." "You're the only member of this family who hasn't flunked Math." "Thanks." "So are there cute boys at this school?" "Mom, I just started going there." "Sorry." "Did you have a boyfriend right away in high school?" "Yeah." "When did you first have sex?" "Excuse me?" "I know you know the answer." "Yes, I do." "I'm just trying to remember." "I was 21." " You're such a liar." " Yes, I am." "Did you always wanna have kids?" "As far back as I can remember" "Why didn't you stick with dancing?" "I wasn't really very good at it." "And I tried to be a writer, I had passion for it." "But what I really had passion for is being a mother." "Best job in the world." "I'm kinda glad you are good at anything." "Do me a favor." "Next Math test, just pick out a B." " I'll try." " Thank you very much." "Your reading assignment is going to be "Crime and punishment"." "I'm kidding!" "Okay." "Sorry I'm late." "Paper work took longer than I planned for." "It's okay." "Just take a seat in the back." "So, as I was saying, we're gonna find something exciting for you to read." " Hi, I'm Taylor." " Hi, I'm Jane." "Hi, Jane." "She was different." "Smarter, wiser..." "Maybe it was just because she wasn't from here." "But maybe it was just her." "I don't know but I'm gonna go with the last one and I should know because Taylor would end up changing my life." "Hi." "I didn't mean to scare you." "You didn't." "I'm a little behind on what books we need on some of the assignments." " Do you think you could fill me in?" " Sure!" "You're my savior." "Without you I wouldn't go that far." "Hi." "What are you doing?" "Oh, this is Taylor." "She just transferred here so I'm just helping her catch up on her assignments." "This is Elizabeth and Betsy and Claire." "Hi." "Going to the movies tonight, you wanna come?" "Oh, I can't." "I have to baby-sit my brother" "See you tomorrow then." "Hey, would it be okay if I came over tonight?" " We can go over this stuff." " Yeah." " About 8 o'clock?" " Sure." "Excuse me, is the butler's night off?" "Answer the door!" " Hi." " You do look nice." "Thank you." "You guys double-dating?" "I am not his type, the wrong height." "Ha ha ha, funny." "Hi, Brad." "What is this, Halloween?" "Oh, I forgot to tell you, mom." "There's a new girl at school who's coming over so I can help her catch up on classroom." " Hello." " Hi, I'm Taylor." "Hi, Taylor." "I'm Janice, Jane's mother." "This is Jimmy and Beth." "This is Taylor." " Hi." " Hi, Taylor." "And the one on the couch in a coma, staring at the screen is Brad." "Brad!" "Robert, this is Taylor." "This is Jane's friend." "They're gonna do some homework together." "Great." "Hi, Taylor." "So, Taylor, you're from around here." " Janice, we really don't have enough time." " Yeah, wait, we have a minute." " What do your parents do?" " My parents were divorced when I was 6 and I live with my mom, she works full time for the phone company." "Do you have any brothers, sisters?" " Mom!" " Jane, it's okay." "I can take it." "So, anybody else have any questions?" "Yeah, do you have any pets?" "Funny, really funny." "The number where we'll be is on the fridge if you need us." "Just in case." "Bye, sweetie." "Bye, Spork!" "Bye, Brad." "Not too late." "Brad, turn it off." "I have company." "Who cares?" "Go play your computer 'cause next time I won't aim so high." "Sorry, I think he's adopted." "Yeah, must be rough." "But even having a jerk as a younger brother is better than not having one at all." "You go to high school full of fear and excitement." "So many emotions that your body can barely handle, all the things rising through it." "And then it gets worse just when you thought it couldn't get any more complicated." "Why wasn't I like my friends?" "Why wasn't I like everyone else?" "Why couldn't I just like a boy named Ned?" "I was in trouble." "Big, big trouble." "I had a crush on a girl." " Hey, Jane!" " Oh, hey!" " You know Taylor, right?" " Yeah." " How are things?" " Fine." "Right, see you later." " The boy, does he have a crush on you!" " No, he doesn't." "Yes, he does." "I don't blame him." "Did anyone have trouble with "Wuthering Heights"?" "Kate?" "I thought it was hard to read 'cause it was so sad." "Anyone else?" "Grant?" "I thought it was so much about love and should have had more story." "Jane?" "I think all the greatest stories ever written are about love no matter what plot they're wrapped in." "Jane's right." "Love is complicated." "And with that sadness is great beauty." "But how about next time," "I'll give you something a little more fun to read." "Jane, what are you doing here?" "Well, you haven't been in school and I called a couple of times." "I was worried." "I wanted to come by to see if you are okay." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "I just can't come to school for a while." "Taylor?" "Taylor, where are you?" "You don't come here right now, you are going to be so sorry." "You hear me?" "I'm your mother, for god's sake!" "Look, you shouldn't have come, okay?" "I'll call you when I can." "Taylor!" "At that moment, I thanked God for my mother." "Maybe the reason Taylor seemed so much more grown-up than the rest of us is because she was forced to grow up faster than the rest of us." " Hey." " Hey." "I was wondering if maybe we can get together sometime." "Go to movies or something." "Why couldn't I just say "yes"?" "My life would've been so much easier." "I like you, Ned, but I don't really want a boyfriend right now." "It's okay." "How about a friend?" "Okay." "Hey, Jane." "Why aren't you talking?" "What could I possibly have to say to you?" " Jane, what's the matter with you?" " Nothing." "Hey, Spork, you wanna pass the salt?" "Something is the matter with you 'cause you've been snapping at everybody lately." "I told you nothing is wrong." "I wish I could have told her that I had so many feelings running through me, things I didn't even understand." "But I couldn't tell her." "I didn't even know how to put it into words." " Can I be excused?" " No, stay and finish your dinner." "I'm not hungry." "You can go, Jane." "You're excused." "If I say one thing don't undercut me and say another." "Why do you always have to have the last word?" "I told." "Come in." "I probably should've let you just go to your room." "But I got upset." "You haven't been yourself lately." "I worry about you." "I know you do." "It's just growing pains." "You know you can tell me anything." "You may find this difficult to believe but I actually went through this myself once." "I'm your mother, I'm your friend, I just wanna help you." "It's okay." "Don't worry." "Your friend Taylor's here." "You want for company?" "Yeah." "You would've had to be blind not to see me light up at Taylor's name." "But thank god parents don't have a clue sometimes." "If a kid were drunk or stoned and fell over in front of them they'd convinced themselves that it was an inner-ear problem." " Hi." " Hi." " Are you okay?" " No." "I know my mom's having a rough time taking care of me and making ends meet but it never gets any better." "She blames me for the divorce." "When she looks at me she sees him" "and she goes crazy." "I..." "I could take the hitting if I just knew that someday it might stop." "It'll be okay." "Did this make me gay?" "No." "It was just an innocent crush phase." "At least that's what I kept telling myself." "But I also know that it was the first moment in my life that I ever felt connected to someone." "What do you say, I pick you up after school, we go somewhere?" " Like where?" " I don't know." "Anywhere you want." "I can't." "I have plans with Taylor." "Don't get me wrong, I really like Taylor but whatever happened to Elizabeth, Betsy and Claire?" "You hardly ever see them anymore." "They're still my friends." "I just have a new one." "I knew I was hurting my old friends but they were never gonna get along with Taylor." "I had to choose and with the feelings I had for her she was bound to win." " I'm really glad I moved here." " I am too." "Do you think Taylor's awfully mature for her age?" "No, not really." "I think Jane's been spending far too much time with her." "It's not healthy." "Why?" "They're friends." "She hasn't been seeing her other friends." "She is not dating and she's almost 16." "We'll talk about this some other time." "She should be going out with boys," "She should be giving us a heart attack by now." "Yeah, well." "You are not gonna win me over your side." "I'm not?" "Why?" "'Cause I'd prefer that Jane never dated a boy for as long as she lived." "It's just..." "You know what boys want." "What was your name again?" "Finals are just around the corner." "If you need help studying, just ask and I'll stay late and help you." "So, just let me know, okay?" "I love you too." "It didn't matter how much they liked Ms. Walcott." "Kids are like pets and dogs." "When they hear the bell, they gotta go." "So my mom is out of town tonight." "Do you wanna come over?" "Sure." "It would have been nice if you had told me before I made dinner that you wouldn't be home for it." " What's the big deal?" " What's the big deal?" "I cook all day for this family which you are a part of." "You cook every night." "Like I said, what's the big whoop?" "Excuse me!" ""What's the big whoop"?" "You just watch your tone with me, young lady." "Boy, you are turning into such a smart ass." "You are never like this when you are around your other friends." "What, you wanna blame this on Taylor?" "You know, what you can't stand is that I'd rather be with her than with you." "What was I doing there?" "I still had time to leave." "She would never have known." "I could have said I had food poisoning or cramps." "That's a good one!" "Cramps." "Who was I kidding?" "I wanted to be there, ready or not." " Are you sure you wanna do this?" " No." " Do you wanna stop?" " No." "I was so terrified that I thought I'd have a heart attack." "I wanted her to stop." "No, I didn't." "Yes, I did." "No, I didn't." "It's hard enough having sex for the first time with anyone but when you do it with a girl you're just asking for it." "Hey." "Are you okay?" "No." "I think what happened was a mistake and that it shouldn't have happened." "Why?" "I don't know, because it isn't... normal?" "So, what's normal?" "I guess... going out with boys?" "And that if you go out with a girl you might be gay, which I don't think I am." "Okay." "First of all, it doesn't make you gay." "And even if you were, what's the big deal?" "Everything." "Fine." "Go back to your boring little friends then." " Are you okay?" " No." "Could you take me home?" "I don't feel good." "Yeah." "Sure." "Own life, own friends." "She doesn't want to be around her mother anymore." "Of course she doesn't want to be around you." "I mean, she's a teenager." "Do you blame her?" "Thank you for those kind words." "Janice, none of us wanted to be around our mother when we were teenager." "This is different." " How?" " I don't know." "I just wish she was still a baby." "Why?" "So she needs you?" "That's sick." "I mean, you should be thrilled that she is a person with her own ideas and dreams and goals..." "Oh, I'm not." "Oh, look at the bright side." "You still have Brad to suffocate." "No, he is a boy." "He won't need his mother until he gets his first apartment and needs someone to decorate it for him." "You can laugh all you want but she is hurting and I can't help her." "She won't talk to me." "Maybe she needs to sort through things herself, and then she'll talk to you." "Yeah, just give her some time." "And take comfort in the fact that you are the millionth mother to go through the exact same thing this week." "And to think I used to enjoy these lunches." "Check." "Hi." "Can we talk?" "About what?" "About us." "I got scared, Taylor." "I'm sorry." " I'd like another chance." " There is no "us", Jane." "I want to be with people who are sure they want to be with me." "Come on, Jane." "Come with me, okay?" " Whatever it is, Jane, it'll be okay." " No, it won't." "You've just got to pull yourself together." "I can't." "In a little while, you'll feel better with whatever it is that's upsetting you." "You'll see, things will change." "I don't want to feel better." "And when something's happened and doesn't change." "You wanna talk about it?" "Fine, you wanna know what I'm upset about?" "I slept with someone for the first time." "That can be traumatic for everyone." "No." "I think it was more traumatic for me." "We broke up already." "It's that what you wanted to do?" "No." "But that's what I did because I'm a coward." "No, you're not." "In our first sexual experience we sometimes invest ourselves wisely and sometimes foolishly and it doesn't matter which because in the end the investment is the same." "But if you wanna be with them you gotta tell them that." "I did." "They'd moved on." "But if you don't try again you'll never forgive yourself." "My advice to you is" "I'd write them a letter and I'd tell them why you did what you did and how you really feel." "Honey, you have to eat." "I'm not hungry." "I know" " I know" " I know I sound like a broken record but" "I'm just trying to help." "Can you tell me what is going on?" "I just wanna be left alone." "Please." "Okay." "Taylor, my life changed the moment I met you." "Only I was too stupid to see it." "Actually I was scared and I'm sorry for that." "You took my breath away and it frightened me." "I'm not frightened anymore and I'd like another chance." " Hey, Jane." " Hey." " What's going on?" " Nothing." "What happened to your friend Taylor?" "I haven't seen you with her lately." "She isn't around." "They say she has a new friend." "I gotta go." "I wanted to like them again but boy, they made it hard." "Well, is everyone going to behave themselves?" "I am." "Not sure about her, though." "Don't press your luck, Brad." "It's a really bad idea." "You want to see your 15th birthday, don't you, Spork?" "Bye, doll." "Bye, kid." "What?" " Hi." " Hi." "I got your letter." "Can we talk privately?" "Yeah." "You know, I should have known this was gonna be hard for you." "For anyone." "And I'm sorry I took it so personally." "I was hurt." "But then I got your letter, it was beautiful." "I thought you were dating someone else." "There was never anyone else." "Whose little brother who's in the same class as our ex-friend Jane's little brother knows the most disgusting thing ever about Jane?" "Tell, tell." "Someone saw Jane and Taylor kissing." " Shut up." " I swear." "I'll get it!" "Hello." "Yes, this is she." "What?" "Who is this?" "Who is this?" "But... is this some kind of sick joke?" "Where..." "Who is this?" "Where did you hear such a thing?" "Hello?" "When I said it was a phase, it wasn't." "I was gay, with or without Taylor." "I knew it deep down for a long time." "But what my mother didn't know is that I was exactly who I was meant to be." "Whether she liked it or not." "What kind of person would do such a thing?" "It was probably just a kid making a prank phone call." "That's all." "No, no, no." "This was no kids slander." "Calm down." "It was just gossip." "There's nothing to it." " Why would anyone say such a thing?" " I don't know." "Why would they call a total stranger to say "Oh, your 16-year-old child is a lesbian"." "Oh, people are so sick." "Maybe..." "Maybe she was learning how to kiss." "What?" "Girls do that, don't they?" "They practice." "Maybe that's what she was doing." "We should ask her." "Why should we upset her with this vicious vice?" "We have to protect her." "Whoever called us might start calling her friends." "Come in." " Hi." " Hi." "Honey, we need to talk." "Yes." "We got a phone call, a very disturbing phone call." "And we know it isn't true, but we thought we should talk to you about it because... we felt we should warn you." "Warn me about what?" "What?" "We don't know who called, honey, but... they said that... you were a lesbian." "They said that someone had seen you kissing Taylor." "We know it's just vicious gossip." "You could tell from the way she said that that the thought of it was out of the question." "I was frozen with fear, I wanted so badly to tell the truth but I was so afraid of losing my parents." "I couldn't speak." "Is it possible that you kissed Taylor?" "That you were practicing with her?" "Yeah." "That's what we were doing." "It won't happen again." "Oh." "Well." "We didn't mean to upset you, honey, but there are some really nasty people in this world." "Don't worry about it, baby." "We love you." "Good night, sweetie." "Good night." "I used the word "coward" before but I never really understood what it meant until that moment." "I was ashamed of my feelings because of what someone else might think." "I made myself sick." "Come on in baby." "You don't look so good." "Okay." "Tell me what's going on." "My mom got this anonymous phone call saying they saw me kissing a girl and I told her it wasn't true." "Okay, you lost me." "Sounds like you have no problem." "I lied to her." "I was kissing a girl," "I slept with the girl." "But the way she was talking about it," "I knew if I told her the truth she'd hate me." "I've gone gay, Jimmy." "It's okay." "Sometimes it's easier not to tell the truth." "Don't be so hard on yourself." "I don't know what to do." "You're the only gay person I've ever known." "Don't worry." "It happens to all of us." "First time someone suspects or calls us a name is the "don't ask, don't tell" moment." "What if my parents find out?" "If people find out?" "They are all gonna hate me." "Honey, I'm black and I'm gay." "They hate me way more than they'll hate you." "But what did you do?" "You get a thick skin." "I've had one since I was a baby cause I had to have it." "I don't take it personally anymore." "Because I know it's based on ignorance and fear and it ain't even about me, really." "It's about them." "I don't wanna hurt my mother." "But I don't know how long I can keep this a secret." "You'll know when time is right." "Maybe it will be okay." "And you've been friends with my mother for a long time and she accepted you." "Yeah, but you're her baby." "Mothers and daughters are about as complicated as it gets." "Jimmy, please, don't tell my mother anything I've told you." "Not a word." "I was so glad Jimmy was in the world." "It's okay Jane, just keep walking." " Hey, lesbos!" " Punk!" "You're about to reunite "The Children's Hour"." "Now stop all this nonsense, all of you." "Open your books." "So what are you guys doing this weekend?" "I'm going with Jeff and his parents to play metrogolf." "Jane, what about you?" " I'm gonna see Taylor." " I'd prefer if you didn't see that girl." "She is not a girl, mom." "She is a dyke!" " Jane!" " Cut it out!" " Jane, go to your room!" " Why?" "He started it!" "Why doesn't he have to go to his room?" "'Cause I'm not a dyke!" "Go to your room!" "Go to your room, right now!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "You can't just attack your brother like that!" "You just can't do that!" "It was now or never and I would have preferred never." "It was out of control and I had to something." "So I took the deepest breath I've ever taken in my entire life." "He's younger than you are." "The next time he says something awful just let it roll off your back." " This is just gossip." " It's not just gossip!" "I lied to the two of you because I was afraid." "Afraid that you'd hate me, afraid that you'd throw me out..." "I did kiss Taylor and I think I'm in love with her." "But... she is a girl." " You don't know what you're saying." " Yes, I do." "But it's okay, because" "Taylor is a really good person." "That's not the point." "Why is it wrong for me to care about someone and for someone to care about me?" "Because it's not right." "You don't have a clue." "If you're saying that you're gay you have no comprehension of what that means." "I don't care anymore." "It's what I feel." "It's what you feel?" "How do you know what you feel?" "You're a 16-year-old kid." "This is just a phase and it's gonna stop right here." "It's not just a phase." "I'm gay." "If you could just see it through my eyes, to have someone you care about, care about you and make you feel not so alone in this world." "Does it really matter who the person is?" "Of course it matters." "Why?" "Why?" "And since when do you hate gay people?" "Jimmy's been your friend forever and he's gay." "He is not my daughter!" "I expected emergency rooms, skinned knees, braces, broken hearts, not this." "This wasn't a part of my plan." "I know." "It wasn't part my plan either." "What a horrible thing did I do as her mother?" "No, you are a great mother." "It's not about you." "We have to do something, Bobbie?" "The world is not a tolerant place." "Her life could be ruined." "I know." "She's not a baby anymore." "Yes, she is." "She's my baby." "She's my child." "Yeah, she's my child too." "Listen, I think we need to stay calm here." "What do you say, that's okay for her to be gay?" "No, it's not what I'm saying." "Don't you think I wanna walk her down the isle?" "Have grandchildren, just like you do?" "I don't want my child to be gay." "But she is our daughter and we have to find a way to help her through this." "I'm not gonna help her through it." "I'm not gonna help her become a lesbian." "I didn't ask you to do that." "It's not what I'm saying." "But we can't just pretend this is not happening." "We can't turn our backs on her or let this tear us apart." "What are we gonna do?" "Jane told us she was gay last night." "I know." "You know?" "How do you know?" "She came by here the other day and told me." "She told you?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "Because it's her decision to tell you, not mine." "But you're my friend." "You should have told me." "She was terrified of losing you." "Terrified that you'd hate her." "She needed to tell you when she was ready." "I have to do something." "Like what?" "You're friends with me." "You love me and I'm gay." "Why can't you do that with Jane?" "'Cause I don't want her to have as hard a life as you've had." "It's not your place to judge my life or anyone else's." "Jimmy!" "Oh, come on." "I'm not blind." "I've been there." "I've seen how cruel people have been to you, have detorted you." "Your only concern should be not to become one of those people." "This is my life, this is who I am." "And Jane should be able to be who she is too even if it's not who you want her to be." "No." "As long as she is my responsibility I have to say in this." "Janice, don't be like this or you'll regret it till the day you die." "Then that will be my choice." "Jane, it really would be a better use of our time together if you said something during one of our sessions." "Like what?" "Like why do you think you're here?" "Because my mother said I had to come, and to shut her up I came." "Sharing with you wasn't part of the deal." "Why are you so mad at your mother?" "Oh, I don't know." "Because she's a bigot." "That's good, that's a start." "Really?" "Where are you now?" "I'm in bad witing, Beth." "The therapy hasn't changed a thing." "I try to keep her away from Taylor but I can't lock her up." "And Jimmy is no help." "He's on Jane's side, of course." " What?" " Nothing." " What, Beth?" " I don't know." "You've always been so liberal-minded." "I think that you are overreacting." "It's probably just a phase she's going through." "Oh, I pray that it is." "What if it isn't?" "What do I do then?" "Well, if it isn't then you accept it." "She is your child, Janice." "Whatever happens you accept her." "What if I can't?" "Then you wouldn't be a very good mother." "Excuse me?" "This is coming from someone who has absolutely no relationships, who was incapable of them?" "How nice it must be if you have judged me from that far." "You asked for my opinion so don't attack me 'cause you're mad at Jane." "Maybe you should take a look at why this bothers you so much." "I'm sorry but you know absolutely nothing about this." "Why don't you just take your condescending crap and peddle it somewhere else." " So, how's therapy?" " Sucks." " Do you have to go again?" " Yeah." "My mother thinks it'll convert me." "Believe me, if that were true, a lot of queers would flock to therapists." "I mean, life would be easier if we were straight." "But who wants easy, right?" "Who wants to fit into this mold?" "We are trailblazers." "Unique and to ourselves." " We're special." " Yeah." "We're special alright." "We can't even go anywhere." "Nowhere is safe." "Yes, we can." "Can you get out of the house Friday night?" "I will even if I have to throw myself out of my window." "There can't be this many gay people in this town." "It isn't humanely possible." "We are everywhere, in every city." "We just learn how to hide from normal people." " Where have you been?" " It's 4 in the morning." "I was out." "Let's just leave it at that." "No, we won't leave it at that." "You're grounded for a month." "We will take you to school, we will pick you up from school." "We will set up alarms on the hour if we have to." "That is what you've reduced us to." "You can't do that." " Oh, yes, we can." " Now go to your room." "Acting out is a strange thing." "No one ever wins but you don't know that when you're doing it." "Jane, we have to talk about this." "What's there to talk about?" "My mother can't look at me, you're disappointed in me, what else is there to talk about?" "Fine, then I'll talk about it." "You have to understand." "This isn't just normal growing pains." "This decision could inform the rest of your life." "That's why your mother and I are so upset about this." "I understand that." "But this isn't easy for me either." "And parents are supposed to love their kids no matter what." "Janey, I will always love you, no matter what." "It doesn't feel that way to me." " Sorry." " It's okay." "I just wanted to tell you that I'm still your friend." "No matter who you sleep with." "I can't believe she'll ground you for a whole month." "Isn't therapy enough of a punishment?" "Only if you have to go." "This isn't gonna work Jane." " What?" " Us." "I mean, I really like you, but this is getting out of control." "It's not worth it." "But why should we let other people decide what's best for us?" "Jane, I had more relationships than you and I guess I just don't get as attached." "It's as easy for me to have them as it is not to have them." " But I love you." " No, you don't." "You barely know me." "You just think you do because I was your first." "You'll get over it." "You'll get over me." "Just better this way." "What happened?" "I'm gay and everyone hates me." "They don't hate you, they're kids." "What did they do?" "Did someone say something to you?" "Taylor just broke up with me." "She never really cared about me in the first place." "That's not true." "Of course, she did." "No, she didn't." "It was just a flint to her she said so herself." "I'm sorry." "I just wanna die." "You don't understand." "Yes, I do." "First girl I dated dumped me too." "What did you just say?" "I swear I thought I just heard you say you dated a girl." "I did." " No way!" " Yes way." "I'm still dating girls, Jane." "I'm gay." "Oh, my god!" "But nobody knows so I'd appreciate if you didn't tell anyone." "I swear." "I know it seems like the end of the world but it's not." "When I was 16 I fell madly in love." "Her name was Barbara and I thought I would spend the rest of my life with her." "But we didn't even know what a life was then." "We hadn't been with anyone, we hadn't done anything, how would we know anything?" "And when she dumped me to date the football star." "I thought I'd die, too." "What did you do?" "I didn't die." "But it took me some time to get over her." "Eventually I did and we became friends." "We still are." "When did you know, I mean really know, that you were gay?" "That it wasn't a phase?" "Almost from the start." "It's not that I didn't like men." "It's just that I felt connected to women in a different kind of way." "A way that I've never felt with a man even though I tried over and over again to please my mother, to please other people, to be like them." "But I wasn't like them." "I was me." "How long did it take you to get over Barbara?" "A couple of years." "I'm kidding!" "But it'll take some time." "An open heart is easily wounded and hard to repair." "I have to pick up Brad at Jeff's after dinner." " I'll go." " Okay." "Jane, what's the matter?" "Besides the fact that I live with the Gestapo you'll be happy to know that Taylor broke with me today" "because of you." "Honey, it'll be okay." "Maybe that'll put an end to this nonsense." "It isn't nonsense to me." "God, Janice." "She's hurting." "Can't you just be her mother for a minute?" "Don't concern yourself what I should be." "This isn't all about you, you know?" "No, it isn't." "And maybe you should concern yourself with the fact that your daughter could have ruined her life." "I'll tell you what I'm concerned about." "I'm concerned about the fact that my daughter's got a broken heart." "That's what I'm concerned about." "I wasn't sorry about how I felt but believe it or not" "I was sorry about tearing my parents apart." "If adults could just remember their first love maybe they wouldn't think ours was so wrong." " Where have you been?" " Out." " You've been drinking?" " Yes." "What are you thinking about?" "You're ground, again." "Why?" "Because you're 16 years old and as long as you're in this house, you will do what we say." "Or I'll lock you!" "Where's your little girlfriend?" "Just walk away Elisabeth." "Who is gonna make me?" "I will." "That's great, you are a dyke now, aren't you?" "Stop this nonsense!" "Stop it." "Stop it." "Whoever said these were the best years of your life, was a liar." "Hello, Mr. Anderson." "I'm sorry." "I came as soon as I could." "I'm glad you're here." "We can't tolerate violence of any kind around here." "That's why I'm suspending Jane." "I am sorry." "I understand." "I'm sorry for any trouble that Jane has caused." "You don't have to apologize for me." "Somebody has to." "Come on." "Come on, let's go." "Come on!" " Let go off me!" " What, you gonna hit me too?" "Hey, lesbo, if you were with me, you wouldn't need to be a dyke!" "Right, man." "Why do you care what they say?" "You're just like them." "Jane!" " Get off me!" " Come on!" "I'm not even gonna ask you to explain what you did 'cause there is no explanation." "Jane, you can't resolve things this way." "Why not?" "Elizabeth started it." "She was making fun of Taylor and me." "Do you blame her?" "What you're doing isn't normal." "Jimmy is normal." "Ms. Walcott is normal." "What did you say?" "Nothing, I accidentally said her name." "I just meant Jimmy." "You said Ms. Walcott is normal." "Is Ms. Walcott gay?" "Jane, is your teacher gay?" "Yes, but it doesn't matter." "Of course it matters." "She has influence over you." "She's misusing it." "She's the only good thing at that damned school." "Oh, I have to see about that!" "No, please." "Don't hurt Ms. Walcott!" "Please, mom!" "Please, don't say anything outside!" " Janice, don't do this!" " No!" "No, please." "Why is she doing this?" "It's okay." "Janey, come on." " Ms. Walcott?" " Yes." " I'm Janice Taylor, Jane's mother." " It's nice to meet you." "Stay away from my daughter." "Well, that'll be difficult, I'm her teacher." "You are also gay and you're influencing her." "Unless you'd like me to go to the school board, which I'm perfectly prepared to do, just stay away from my daughter." "Jane?" "Your father and I have decided we have to do something about your behavior." "We tried talking to you, punishing you... and therapy hasn't worked at all, so we decided that we should send you away to a boarding school." "I won't go." "I like the school I'm in." "This isn't your choice." "It's not what we wanna do." "Well, I'll run away." "They can't watch me 24 hours a day." "Maybe you prefer our bound." "I don't care." "Do what you have to do." "Jane!" " Jane!" " Let her go." "How did we get here?" " You know how we got here." " No, I don't." "I don't want to send her away." "I'm not gonna let you make this my fault." "Jane!" "What are you doing here?" "Come in." "Are you okay?" " Lynn?" "What...?" " Honey, this is Jane." "Hi, Jane." "I heard a lot about you." "Want some tea or something?" " Do you want some tea?" " No, thanks." "I'm gonna go back to sleep." "I have to get up early." "It's nice to meet you." "Hang in there." "Come on over here." "What's going on?" "I'm so sorry." "I never meant to hurt you." "Oh, sweetie, you didn't." "It's gonna be okay." "It won't be." "My parents are sending me away." "They're kicking me out." "They hate me." "Everybody hates me." "I don't know what to do, I have nowhere to go." "I just wanna disappear." "I don't want to live anymore." "It's gonna be okay." "I swear." "It's gonna be okay." "I know that I'm the last person you expected and the last person that you wanted to see but Jane run away tonight and she came to my house." " Is she there, now?" " Yes." "Would you please give us your address to come to get her?" "No, first, you're gonna listen to what I have to say to you." "And then after that you can do whatever it is you need to do." "I know you think it isn't my place to say anything to you about your daughter but someone has to." "I understand I may repulse you but I also understand Jane's pain." "The pain of having people hate you not based on you but based on what I think we have very little control over." "Well, that's where you and I disagree." "Look, you've made your choice and frankly, it's none of my business." "I just don't think that you should be teaching young girls and supporting alternative lifestyles just because they happen to be yours." "Don't you understand that Jane and girls like Jane are impressionable?" "That they look up to their teachers?" "They wanna be just like them." "Just let me finish what I have to say to you and then, after that, if you want to go to the school board, so be it." "But in the meantime your child, that you gave birth to, is in agony and she doesn't need to be." "Jane run away tonight because she thinks that you hate her." "And I know what that's like." "It's awful." "And no child should have to go through that." "Jane's a good person." "And being gay doesn't make her a bad one." "She's still the same person that you adored two weeks ago." "I still adore my daughter." "I just want to protect her from people like you." "Janice, let her talk." "Jane's only crying is that she loves differently than you do." "And you don't have to understand it or even agree with it." "But unless you try to you're gonna lose her forever." "I appreciate your concern, but I think we know our daughter better than you do." "Really?" "Well, did you know that your daughter came to my house tonight thinking that suicide was one of her options?" "Can I speak to Jane alone, please?" "Sure, I'll be right there." "Hi." "Ms. Walcott came over tonight and told us something" "I had never considered before." "She said if I continue to behave the way I've been behaving then I would lose you permanently." "I'm your mother and I love you and I don't wanna lose you." "When you first told us I thought" ""what have I done wrong as a mother?"" "and I did think what would people say, what would I tell my friends." "But my first reaction was I didn't want your life to be any harder than it had to be." "The world is not a nice place" "and I guess I had the same dreams every mother has with their little girl." "That you'd meet a good man, you'd fall in love, you'd get married, you'd have children..." "Those are your dreams." "I know that." " Can I ask you a question?" " Yeah." "When did you first feel that you were..." "A lesbian?" "It's okay, you can say it without becoming one." "Oh, God." "You're exhausting sometimes." "Sorry." "I guess I've always known that I was different." "and I didn't feel a part of things." "I'm not sure when it became clear, probably last year." "But I guess that's always been inside of me." "What's the hardest part about it?" "That the people you care about will hate you." "I could never hate you." "I don't think I'm gonna change." "and I know you want me to, so what do we do?" "I don't know." "Just try harder." "I will if you will." "I don't know if I'm ever gonna accept it and frankly," "I don't know if I can understand what you're doing but" "take it day by day." "An hour ago I didn't think I had a mother but now I think I may be meeting her for the very first time." "Thanks for not telling anyone about Ms. Walcott." "You're welcome." "What?" "Because you're still having a hard time accepting this" "I'd like you to come to a meeting with me." "It's for parents with gay kids." "It's called PFLAG." "What kind of a name is that?" "It stands for parents, friends, and families of lesbians and gays." "Ah." "And what will we do there?" " Come on!" " Coming, don't pull me!" "Hi, welcome to PFLAG!" "I'm Dorothy and my son is gay." "This is my mother, Janice and her daughter is a lesbian." "That would be me." "It's hard to say it at first but pretty soon you'll be saying it to everyone." "Oh, really?" "When will that be?" "First I thought it was me." "Then I thought what would people think about me." "What kind of horrible mother am I?" "Then, when" "I almost lost my child because of my ignorance" "I found her again, and who she was, was exactly who she was always meant to be." "A good child." "Kind child." "My... my child." "Excuse me." "What I came to realize was that none of this," "has anything to do with us." "It's their lives." "And we, as parents, need to let them live their lives." "As they see fit." "Not as we see fit." "Thank you." "Ring a bell?" "I got it." "Oh, thanks!" "Thank you!" "Oh, don't even think about that." "He's my friend." "Nothing more, nothing less." "She's still a dyke, mom." "And she's still your sister, so watch your mouth!" "Just go to hell." "That ketchup, please." "Thank you." "I'm really proud of you." "Don't be." "I hear they have a saying in AA:" ""to act as you"." "As if you understand or accept something" "when you really don't." "And that's what I'm doing, acting as if," "because it still breaks my heart." " Did you want to say something?" " No." "Thanks." "But you can't protect me forever." "No, but when I can, I hope you'll let me." "What happened to you?" "Someone called me a "fag hag"." "Which is insane 'cause you're not a fag." "I beat the crap out of him anyways." "At that moment, if I had been straight, I would have married him right then and there." "You okay about Taylor moving back east?" "Yeah, thanks." "Ain't this great?" "Dad, don't think I'll all of a sudden like sports because I'm gay!" "How about fishing?" "I suppose it goes out of question." "So what do lesbians like to do?" "Same things you like to do." " Can we go home now?" " Yeah, sure." " Hi!" " Hi!" "I'm glad to see you guys." "Who the hell thinks this is fun?" "Lose a tiny piece you can barely see as much as fun and you still have to blow your brains out." " Can I go to Jess' house now?" " Go, go!" "Praise the Lord." " You guys had fun?" " Yeah, tell her dad." "Tell'em about that." "Can I talk to you guys for a minute?" "Sure." "I appreciate all that you're doing to try to be a part of my life and to show me you love me even though I'm gay." "But you don't need to try quite so hard." " Sorry." " Sorry." "Hi, Janice, glad you're here." "How's Jane?" "She's great, thank you." "And you?" "I'm trying." "My name is Lorraine and my daughter is a lesbian." "I'm Susan, and my son is gay." "My name is Janice, and..." "It's okay." "Let's start the meeting now." " What do you want?" " I'm not gonna hurt you." " Then what do you want?" " I bought you this." "Why would you get me a present?" "I've never been nice to you in my whole life." "I know, I've never been nice to you either so I thought I'd try it." " I've already told people you were gay." " I know." " It's a trick, isn't it?" " No." "I don't get it." "There is a saying:" ""killing with kindness"." "In a few years, you will know what it means." "Why can't I eat over at Jess' house?" "Because we have to have more family dinners." " Why?" " Because our blood is for punishment." "Because we're family, son." "That's in the eye of the beholder." " or you'll behold your room." "How are the PFLAG meetings going, Janice?" "Good." "Good." "We have this gay pride parade next week." " I don't know." "This is kind of a field trip." " Great, great." "Good for you." "Well, I don't think I'll be going, I mean, I'm getting better but I just don't think I can shout it from the roof tops yet." "One step forward, one step backwards." "Jane?" "Can I come in?" "Look, I'm doing the best I can and sometimes it sticks but I'll get better, I promise." "When?" "Going to the meetings, I'm acknowledging you're gay," "I can do it pretty well." "But it's all in private." "It's still safe." "You don't really accept me unless you do it out in the open." "I'm sorry." "I can't." "Going as fast as I can." "We stand united, as Robinson sisters, in the fight for what all human beings deserve:" "equality, rights, dignity." "The very things that other people take for granted are given to them under the law, all men and women were created equal in the eyes of my God." "A god that is inclusive, not exclusive, in a world we envision, not in a world of fences and walls, things to keep people out because they are different but in a world that loves." "we ask for the world for we expected from it, not what if it gives us if it's wrong." "Those are things that we're still fighting for." "We demonstrate, we protest, we fight..." "Hi, Jane!" "You guys shouldn't be here, someone might see you." "It's time we did." "Sorry your mom is not here." "She'll come around." "What if she doesn't?" "Where's Janice?" "They want her on stage to speak." "She's not coming." "Oh, I'm sorry, Jane." "It's okay." "It took me 3 or 4 rounds before I came." "But you are here, it's a start." "We'll see you guys later." "Ladies and gentlemen, the PFLAG moms" "Hi, I'm Dorothy, and my son is gay." "I'm Lorraine and my daughter is a lesbian." "I love her and I'm proud to be her mom." "I am Darrel, my daughter is a lesbian." "I'm Nancy, and my son is gay." "Hi, I'm Rick, my daughter is a lesbian and I'm proud of her." "The amazing thing about change is that everyone can do it, even the people you least expect it from." "My mother was finally exactly the person she was meant to be." "I was so proud of how well she had grown up."