"Veridian Dynamics." "We're the future of food." "Developing the next generation of food and food-like products." "Tomatoes, the size of this baby." "Lemon-flavored fish, chicken that lay 16 eggs a day, which is a lot for a chicken." "Organic vegetables, chock full of antidepressants." "At Veridian Dynamics, we can even make radishes so spicy that people can't eat them, but we're not, because people can't eat them." "Veridian Dynamics." "Veridian Dynamics." "Food." "Veridian Dynamics." "Food." "Yum." ":" "Sub: exizor  fatbrat :" ": for TV4User.de :" "When you run a research and development department for one of the largest companies in America, every day brings exciting new problems waiting to be solved." " Ted." " Veronica." " How are you?" " I'm fine." "Why?" "I was just seeing what small talk might look like." "Oh." "Well, usually you" "Please stop." "I feel like I just pissed away my day." "We have a problem." "The food division just told me that the "extra fun mac and cheese"" "I'm supposed to be presenting to the shareholders causes blindness if eaten more than twice a week." "Plus, no matter how long it's cooked, it never gets hot." "Maybe it's not mac and cheese." "Oh, no." "It has to be." "They've already designed the box." "Anyway, I need a new food product I can unveil next week." "Something splashy, sexy." "The opposite of small talk." "Okay." "Well, I'll-- I'll see what we have." "Your hair looks nice like that, by the way." " It's small talk." " Oh." "I liked it that time." "This is Linda." "She's great." "But sometimes she gets frustrated working here..." "Which is understandable." "So we looked at what we have in the pipeline, and the only food product that's close to ready is Lem and Phil's project-- beef grown without cows." "Beef without cows?" "I'm listening." "We take bovine cells and, surrounding them in a bed of rich nutrients, grow them into fully developed cow tissue, or "beef."" " Cowless meat grown in a lab." " I just said that." " I'm explaining it." " No, you're repeating it." "No, Lem, I'm..." "That's something Phil's been doing a lot of lately." "The company's legal department has come up with a few theories as to why it's been happening." "One idea is Phil may have been traumatized by burning his finger on a chicken potpie." "Another theory is that it's an old football injury." "Personally, I think it's because the company tried to cryonically freeze him for a year..." "And then accidentally thawed him out a few days later." "Did I do it again?" "Yes." "It seems like it may be getting louder." " How did I get wet?" " No one knows." "Perhaps you urinated." "In my face?" "Sorry I'm late." "The new bathroom towel dispenser is an incredible jerk." "We're talking about growing meat in the lab without cows." "Oh, that's creepy." "Right?" "Oh, I see." "We're doing that." "Yes, we are, and we have five days to make it happen." "Clean yourself up." "At least meat grown in a test tube doesn't feel pain." "Please tell me it doesn't feel pain." " We don't think so." " Yeah, although interestingly, it does respond to music." "Lately there's been a little tension in Phil and Lem's relationship." "Once again, your attempt to feed the meat blob is being hindered by your ridiculous use of mittens." "Sometimes my hands get cold in the lab." "Because you froze yourself." " Could we not talk about that for one day?" " Fine." "I'll feed the meat blob." "Blobby." "Like bobby, only with an "L"." "Don't name it, or you won't want to eat it." " Remember Chester the carrot?" " Yeah." "I miss him." "You're stealing more creamer?" "It took me 20 minutes to dry my hands this morning, so I am owed 20 minutes of creamer." " And how much is that?" " It's an infinite amount." "I know it doesn't make sense, but this small act of rebellion keeps me sane, calm." " There's no creamer down the hall." "Do you" " No!" "You want me to be calm, don't you?" "Yeah, I-I do." "I really do." "When does that start?" " We should stop smiling at each other." " I know." "I wish you didn't have your stupid one-office-affair rule and that you hadn't used your one office affair so stupidly." "And I wish you hadn't called me stupid twice in one sentence, but here we are." "It's just..." "Veronica." " Well, it doesn't matter who it was with" " Linda." "I have to get back to work." "I don't see the appeal, but whatever." "Why is there never any creamer?" "Ants." "No, ghosts." "No." "I don't know." "I have a problem, Ted." "Legal is worried that Phil might think his annoying outbursts are connected to our allegedly freezing him." "We didn't "allegedly" freeze him." "We froze him, like a human leftover." "Legal says we don't know for sure what that chamber was that he entered willingly." "The latest theory is that he may have been attempting to perform a magic trick." "Oh, yeah, that magic trick where the company freezes him." "The point is, they are not comfortable with him working on new projects until we know he's not gonna sue us for whatever did or probably did not happen." "But without Phil, this meat project isn't gonna happen." "But I need the meat project." " Then you need Phil." " But we can't use Phil." " Then you can't have the meat project." " But I need the meat project." " Then you need Phil." " But I can't use Phil." "You prefer this to small talk?" "Why does it have to be Phil?" "Can't we just give this to another team of lab drones?" "Veronica, Phil and Lem are the best scientists we have." "Hey, Phil, would you take a look at this?" "It's true." "Together, there's nothing those guys can't do." "They pioneered retinal scan technology..." "Nice." "Developed the next generation of pepper spray." "They're even the best dancers at the Christmas party." "Fine, they're the best, but we can't use them because we can't use Phil." "And don't say I can't have the meat." "Okay, how about this" "Instead of putting Phil out to pasture, why don't we try to make him feel good about what he did?" "Because..." "Help me." "Phil did something that no one else ever has." "That took courage." "If we help him realize he's a hero, which he is, he might look at the experience more fondly." "Plus, he's a good guy." "It's the right thing to do." " I'm still not" " Then he won't sue the company." "Fine." "We'll honor Phil." "But he owes me." "Yeah." "The next day, we honored Phil because it was the right thing to do and because a happy scientist is a non-suing, cowless-meat- making scientist." "And so for bravely pushing back the boundaries of science, on behalf of Veridian Dynamics," "I thank you, Phil, and present you with our first ever "Trailblazer of the year" award." "I've never been in the executive dining room before." "It's nice." "Well, now you can have lunch here anytime you want." " Thank you." " For the next week." "Cryonics." "The first syllable is "cry", so how great can it be?" "Am I right?" "Anyway, I thought, if I can advance science..." "What a treat." "Do you hear that noise coming from our hero?" "That is the sound of courage, ladies and gentlemen." "It's like an eagle screech." "And I can't hear it enough." "And neither can any of you." "What was the executive dining room like?" "Oh, yes, please." "I never get tired of hearing that story." "So there are tables, right, with legs to hold 'em up?" "Hey, do the eagle scream." "Oh, I can't just do it, Lonny." "It has to ease out of me." "Like a bowel movement, only louder and from his mouth." "Okay, you know what?" "I am a "Trailblazer", Lem." "My picture is on the front page of the company newsletter." "I am the "Below zero hero"." "Julie in employee services asked for my autograph." "That's right." "Julie, with those breasts in front." "It's a new Phil, Lem." "You had better get used to it." "Wow." "That was super aggressive." "We've got four days, Ted." "Where are we on the lab meat?" "Great." "I'm on my way to Jerome to have it taste-tested right now." "Jerome?" "Isn't he still in the hospital from the "extra fun mac and cheese"?" "No, he got his eyesight back." "They just had scrape some of the "extra fun" off of his optic nerve." "What the hell keeps happening with the creamer?" "You have to stop stealing creamer." " No." "Is Blobby inside?" " Yes." "And we're not calling it Blobby." "You know, 'cause of Chester?" "The carrot." " They're going to catch you." " That's a chance I'm willing to take." "Hi, Jerome." "How you feeling?" "Better, thanks." "Though I still can't see green." " What do we have today?" " You tell us." "If they catch you, they're gonna fire you." "And if they fire you, well..." "You won't be here anymore." "I know, but if I stop, I feel like I'll be giving up a piece of my soul." "Besides, when this company eliminates cows, those creamers are gonna be worth a fortune." "It tastes familiar." "Beef?" " No." " Chicken?" "We'll take chicken." "What does it taste like?" "Despair?" "Is it possible it just needs salt?" ""Despair"." "That's gonna be a challenge for the guys writing the jingle." "We just have to redouble our efforts and fix the problem." "That's what we do here." "If anyone can crack it, it's Phil and Lem." "Hi, guys." "Oh, Ted." "I don't think I can work with Phil anymore, so..." "We may have created a monster in the lab." "It's not a monster." "It's a cyborg that can kill without remorse." "I was talking about Phil." "What -- what are you talking about?" "I was also talking about Phil." "It's classified." "But it's gonna be a fantastic new tool if we can get it to tell the difference between soldiers and children." "We have a Phil problem, and that means we have a meat problem." "I can't have a Phil or a meat problem." "It's bad enough I have a cyborg problem." "Stupid thing just kills whatever's in front of it." "Yeah... anyway, look, I think all the attention might have gone to Phil's head." "Now he and Lem aren't working together" "That's it." "I'm taking care of this myself." "Don't... hurt him." "I'm not gonna hurt him." "He has an inflated ego, and that's something I can work with." "I'm gonna save the company from a lawsuit, get Phil back to work and grow me some lab meat." "And then..." "I'm gonna be "Trailblazer of the year"." "You know that's not a real award?" "I want it." "Excuse me, fellas." "I need to borrow our hero." " Hi, hero." " Hi, Veronica." "Ooh, I like the way you say my name." "Veronica..." "Oh." "I like the way I say it, too." "I could listen to you say your name all day." "So could I. Veronica..." " Wait, I can do it better." " I don't know." "That last one was really good." "Oh, thank you, "Below Zero Hero"." "Your hair looks great like that, by the way." " You think?" "My wife hates it." " She's a pig." "I'm sorry." "I guess I just don't like you talking about her." "That's okay." "She doesn't like me talking about her either..." "Or even to her." "Hero, can I ask a favor?" "Can I... get your autograph?" "Of course..." "Veronica." "Great." "Right here." "And initial here, here and here." "And date it here." "Oh, look, you just signed a waiver saying that you won't sue the company." "Of all the pieces of paper I could've randomly picked for you to autograph..." "That is so funny." "Oh, well." "Hero time's over." "Find Lem and get back to work." "But, Veronica..." "Please stop saying my name." "Have you seen Phil or a blood trail that could lead to Phil?" "He's not here." "And I'm stuck." "Maybe the meat blob's not taking in enough nutrients." "I guess I could try and give it a mouth." "I'm gonna say no to the meat blob getting a mouth." "Mostly because I don't want to hear what it has to say." "Oh, joke's on me." "I'm not a hero." "It was all just a big show to keep me from suing the company." "Not for me it wasn't." "Phil, I always thought what you did was incredibly brave, and I just wanted the company to acknowledge that." "Thanks." "I guess I was exceptionally fearless." "Speaking of a meat blob with a mouth..." "Okay, you know what?" "You have been on me since I thawed out," " and I am sick of it." " All right." "Guys, this project is far too important to sacrifice because you two can't get along, so let's just dissolve the partnership." "Lem, report down to the third floor." "You team up with Richie and Fuzzel on this." "Fine." "Richie and Fuzzel?" "Their knowledge of microfabrication technology for vascularized tissue engineering vis-a-vis bovine muscle protein -- it's so last year." "Well, at least they don't scream "Car" every 20 minutes." "It is not "Car," you idiot." "Why would I be yelling for a car?" "It is just a sound that I currently have trouble not making." "Good-bye, Phil." "Fine." "Go, go." "So he just goes?" "Ten years of being lab partners, and he just leaves?" "You know, when you agreed to be frozen, you left him just as suddenly." " What are you saying?" " Maybe Lem felt as abandoned as you feel right now." "Wow." "You're right." "How can I know so much about the bonds of chemicals yet so little about the bonds of friendship?" "I have to stop him." "Lem." " You could've died." " I'm sorry." "Who would've been my lab partner?" " Richie and Fuzzel?" " Those guys?" "They don't know anything about microfabrication technology" " for vascularized..." " Guys, you're together." "And you have 72 hours to make that thing taste like something a drunk teenager would tip over." "Cow." "I'm talking about a cow." "I had wanted Phil to be recognized as a hero." "But what is a hero anyway?" "Working together again, the guys discovered their problem." "Real cows move around all day, and so, build muscle and fat, and that makes them delicious." "So Phil and Lem decided the meat blob also needed exercise." "Deep tissue massage didn't help, so other approaches were tried..." "And rejected." "But one thing about heroes:" "they never give up." "Sure, there may be obstacles, people who don't share your vision." "But the important thing is to stay focused." "What is a hero?" "Maybe it's just someone who comes through when others need them to..." "So that everyone can be a hero." "The meat cost $10,000 a pound, so... it's still a few years from production." "Still Phil, the meat..." "For a guy who likes to solve problems, it's been a pretty good week." "And now I am problemless." " What are you doing?" " I'm helping you." " I'm stealing creamers." " No, you're not." "You're replacing them." "You can't do this." "This ruins everything, and it wasn't that great of a plan to begin with." "I was just solving a problem." "I cannot not solve problems." "But now I'd be stealing from you, and that's not gonna help me." "So now what?" "Now that you've ruined this, how am I gonna relieve my stress, huh, Ted?" "Can you think of another way?" "I would love to help you with that, Linda.." "But I used up my office affair." "It's not like voting, Ted." "You can punch more than one ballot." "I don't want to be a guy who votes around." "Well, you've taken the creamer from me, so now what do I do," "Mr. Problem Solver?" ":" "Sub: exizor  fatbrat :" ": for TV4User.de :"