"We interrupt this program with some breaking news." "New footage reveals that aliens plan to destroy our planet." "Hey, uh, after this, you wanna go destroy Earth?" "Sure." "See?" "We now return you to your regularly scheduled program." "Patty cake, patty cake, bake this man." "Now that Whiplash is gone and the government's off my back it looks like it's just you and me, kid." " So, what are you doing?" " Working." " Wanna turn the dog into an Iron Dog?" " No." "Wanna replace Nick Fury's eye patch with a waffle?" " No." " You wanna...?" "Look." "I like being you girlfriend, but maybe you should find a guy friend." " Jarvis is a guy." "Right, Jarvis?" " I'm just a machine, man." "Get a real friend." "Sheesh." "And I thought iron was cold." "This is great, Spidey." "Ha, ha." "I love New York." "Where are we going, a club?" "The Four Seasons?" " Better." " And we're at your parents' house." "She's my aunt, actually." "So, what do you wanna play?" ""Warcraft?" "Magic?"" ""Magic?" What are you, 16?" " Yes, actually." " Oh." "Uh..." "Hey, look." "The, uh, Iron Signal." "Gotta go." " Cool if I use your skylight?" " I don't have a sky..." "I gotta say, Optimus Prime is a pretty cool name." "What are you doing?" "I'm Optimus Prime." "Oh, your profile said you were a truck, so I figured..." "I have the power to change to a truck." "I think the power to update your profile pic might be more helpful." "I just figured we have a lot in common, so..." "Ooh, ooh, I never had a metal friend before." "You want a cape like mine?" "Then we could look alike." " Actually, I think I'm okay without the..." " You're right." "I think a scarf and hat would look much better on you." "Ooh, now we can rule the world together and make up all sorts of fun stuff." "Uh, okay." "Okay." "Uh, I'm the leader of Latveria and, uh, I stand like this." "What do you do?" "I like mine better." "There are no good friends anywhere." "Maybe the answer is closer than you think." "What?" "How long have you been in there?" "Week and a half." "Battery died, I've been stuck ever since." " Didn't you hear me yelling?" " No." "Tony." "Behind you." "I'm stuck in this." "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is maybe a friend is someone who shares your same interests and fashion sense." "I think I know what you mean." "You built a robot duplicate of yourself?" "Hey, loser." "Let's ditch Peter Piper here and go have some real fun." "Wow, I never realized." "I'm awesome." "Give me the Lamborghini keys and let's get out of here." " My car, I drive." " My car, I drive." "Your own robot clone beat you up." "I don't get it." "It's a perfect replica of me." "Why is it a jerk?" "Ugh." "What are we gonna do?" "Wanna turn the dog into an Iron Dog?" " Tony." "Look, we need to talk." " No, thanks, Bore Machine." "Listen." "I'm constantly trying to be nice to you and you always turn me away." "I'm sick of it." "You are the worst friend ever." "Way to go, you destroyed the robot me." "The robot you?" "Oh, right." "Yeah, yeah, the robot you." "This whole time I needed a friend, and you were here all along." " I don't know if I wanna be your friend." " I'll pay you $1,000,000." "I love you, Iron Man." "And now it's time for MAD's Guide to Video Game Cheats." "Having trouble with Strike Man in "Mega Man 10?"" "Just hit "A, 1 right, left, left"." "Distract Strike Man by making it rain kittens." "Your time has come, Mega Man." "Now, look..." "Oh, look." "Siamese." "A move you won't find in books:" "Hit "right, X, X, left," hold both shoulder buttons." "Blanka will force his opponent to watch his parents' wedding video." "Here Blanka's Mom do Chicken Dance." "I can't take it anymore." "I quit." " Aah!" " Wait, now, cake cutting." "Playing "Super Mario"?" "Tired of the jumping?" "Just tap "left, right, left, B, B" and Mario can hail a cab." "I'm going to the princess's house." "How about this weather, huh?" "Actually, I'm gonna try and read, if you don't mind." "Here we are." "That'll be 19.50." "Can I pay you in gold coins?" "Mops." "You own tons of them, but do they ever work?" " Hi!" " Aah!" "I'm Taylor Swift." "If squeaky-clean floors are what you want get my new Taylor Swiffer." "It'll give your floors a shine just like my reputation dull, safe and stain-free." "Most mops don't get those stains that can ruin your evening." "And since the handle is as thick as my waist-line it's like having me over to help clean." " Let me try." " No, wait." "That's me." "The Taylor Swiffer." "Wherever celebrity-endorsed crap is sold." "MAD presents This Day In History." "On this day in 1903 Chester Haddenfield inspired by the Wright Brothers' first flight also tries his hand at flying." "But instead, discovers the arm-fart." "He becomes more popular at parties than either Orville or Wilbur would ever be." "And that was This Day In History." "Whatever it is you're doing back there, stop it." "Yes, dear." "You've seen him on your favorite cop shows." " What happened?" " But this fall..." " How long has she been dead?" " ...he gets a show all his own." "What'd you see?" "Why was the body moved?" "Is that cranberry juice?" "The Asker." "Time of death?" "Interrupting me?" "Who's in charge here?" "Who wants to be a millionaire?" " Say what?" " If you've got questions..." "What's best before bread?" "Use a silencer to shoot a mime?" " Can fat people go skinny-dipping?" " ...he's got more questions." "What's another word for thesaurus?" " The Asker." " He with us?" "Who said that?" "Is this on?" "Why do they call it a TV set if you only get one?" "Thank you." "I hate the Salivation Army." "And now, a mad look inside Lil' Wayne's mouth." "Hmm." "Yeah, about a half-inch off the bottom, keep the layers, trim the bangs no hair touching the ear, and, uh, watch out for this cowlick here." " Like that?" " Uh, not exactly, no." "Wanna keep tabs on your dog but can't afford those expensive pet tracking devices?" "Sign them up for Doggie Tweets." "The new service that allows your dog to tweet whatever he's doing every second of the day." "No worrying what that rascal is up to." "You'll get updates directly to your phone." "So you can relax knowing he's safe." "Aah!" "Leaving you free to enjoy your night." "Because as they say, "a man's best friend is his dog"." "Doggie Tweets." "From the makers of Face-in-Crotch-Book." "I, Ben Franklin, shall prove once and for all that lightning..." "Well, slap my face on a $100 bill." "What do we have here?" "This is so much cooler than electricity." "Who wants to sign the Declaration of Independence next?" "Hmm." "John Hancock's signature is going to be tough to beat." "Unless I sign it in fire." "We have more than one of these, right?" " Yo, G-Wash, my man." " Oh, brother." "Just ignore him, and maybe he'll go away." "Hey, you guys need a lift?" " No, Ben." "We're fine, really." " Whoa!" "Guys, check it out." "I can shoot out of my eyes and my tail." " Don't worry." "I'll save them." " No, Ben, wait." " Uh-oh, I don't think this guy can fly." " Aah!" "I'm going to have to ask you to surrender." "And who's going to make us, little round man?" "Ha-ha-ha." "Me, myself, and Humungousaur." "Take that." "And that." "Yeah, how would you like it if I came to your country?" "In fact, Big Ben, meet bigger Ben." "There's one more bit of business I need to take care of." " May I help you?" " Hi, is Mark here?" "Um, yeah." "Just a sec." " Do-do-do-do-do." "Do-do-do." " Hi." "Do I know you?" "It's me." "Ben Franklin." "Junior high?" "You used to tease me all the time and call me Fatty McGee." "Oh." "Ben." "Listen, for what it's worth, I'm really sorry." "Oh, really?" "I was gonna smash your house down." "Well, I did come all the way down here." "Uh, do you wanna grab a burger or something?" "Uh, I would, you know, but I got the family now and..." "Oh." "Yeah." "Right, right." "No problem." " You take care of yourself." " You too." "Oh, and by the way..." "Oh, now Mom take off garter." "Oh, now Mom take off garter." "Make it stop."