"♪ Get along little doggies" "♪ It's your misfortune and none of my own" "♪ Whoopie-ki-yi-o" "♪ Get along little doggies" "♪ For you know New York" "♪ Will be your new home" "♪ Whoopie-ki-yi-o" "♪ Get along little doggies" "♪ It's your misfortune and none of my own" " Where's that Joe Buck?" " Where's that Joe Buck?" " Where's that Joe Buck?" " ♪ Get along little doggies" "Where is that Joe Buck?" "Look at this crap!" "Yeah, where is that Joe Buck?" " Where's that Joe Buck?" " Where is that Joe Buck?" "You're due here at 4:00." "You know what you can do with them dishes." "And if you ain't man enough to do it for yourself," "I'd be happy to oblige." "I really would." " How you doing, Ralph?" " Hey." "Four o'clock, four to midnight, that's when you're due here." "Yes, sir." "Mr. Evers, sir." "I wonder if you could have a word with me?" "What the hell you doing in that getup?" "Grab an apron and clean up that crap back there." "Hell, he knows what the hell he can do with that crap." " Ain't you coming to work?" " I guess not, Ralph." "Hell, I just come to collect my pay, tell y'all I'm heading up East." " You're heading up east?" " I thought I'd say goodbye to you." "Just come to look around a little bit, you know." "Cups!" "Well goodbye." "Goodbye." "What are you gonna do back east?" "There's a lot of rich women back there, Ralph." " Begging for it." "Paying for it too." " Yeah?" "Yeah, hell, yeah." "And the men, they're mostly tutti-fruttis." "Oh, I bet you it's a mess back there." "I'm gonna cash in on that, right?" "I don't know." "I don't know nothing about it." "Hell, what do I got to stay around here for?" "I got places to go, right?" "Oh, that's nice." "Oh, lower." "That's real nice, honey." "Sure is a powerful mother, ain't it?" "Yeah, sure is a powerful mother." "This is a shooting season." "Now is the time to go to Lloyd's Discount Store for all of your gun supplies." "Listen to these values:" "Remington shotgun for only $72.47." "You look real nice, loverboy." "Real nice." "Make your old grandma proud." "You're gonna be the best-looking cowboy in the whole parade." "You'll be the best-looking one there." "Bye, honey." "I'll leave a TV dinner in the fridge." "Your old grandma got herself a new beau." "Bye, now." "Excuse me, mister." "Excuse me, but do you have another piece of gum for her?" "Oh, yes, ma'am, I do." "Here." " Take one for yourself too." " Thank you, no." "It's just till the Dramamine works." "She gets carsick." "I only get carsick on boats." "But it seems to me that's more the fish smell than the bouncing." " How far you headed?" " Shh." " To Dallas." " Up Dallas, are you?" "Where you going?" "I'm heading on up to New York City, ma'am." "Do you love me, Joe?" "Do you love me?" "You love me?" "You're the only one, Joe." "You're the only one." "You're better, Joe." "You're better than the rest." "You're better than any of them, Joe." "You love me, Joe?" "You're better than all of them." "You're the best, Joe." "Love me, Joe." "Joe." "Joe?" "Joe." "Do you love me, Joe?" "Do you love me?" "Love me." "You're the only one, Joe." "You're the only one." "You're the best, Joe." "The best." "... consecutive broadcast of The Sunshine Hour." "Oh, yes, sweet Jesus, I tell you, faith healeth." "I got a letter here from a sister enclosing $10 and two malignant tumors she coughed up during last week's prayer meeting on the air." "Praise Jesus!" "Now, before we join in prayer for this poor sister," "Jesus wants to know how many sent in $5 for the home-worship kit containing prayer shawl..." " You want a cigarette, sir?" " No, thanks." "Chew tobacco." "...sing along with Sister Rosella." "You throw in Sister Rosella, you got a deal, right, old-timer?" "Say, you ever run into a cowhand by the name of Woodsy Niles?" "Woodsy Niles, sir?" "Not to my knowledge." "Friend of my grandma, Sally Buck." "I want it on." "♪ Hush little baby don't say a word" "♪ Grandma's gonna buy you a mocking bird" "♪ And if the mocking bird don't sing" "♪ Grandma's gonna buy you a golden ring" "♪ And if that golden ring turns brass" "♪ Grandma's gonna buy you a looking glass" "♪ And if that looking glass gets broke" "♪ Grandma's gonna buy you a billy goat" "♪ Hush little baby don't say a word" "♪ Grandma's gonna buy you a mocking bird ♪" "Seventy-seven WABC." "Seventy-seven radio in New York." "This is Ron Lundy, love." "This is WABC." "That's New York talking there, ma'am." "Hear that?" "What is your ideal in a man?" "My ideal is Gary Cooper, but he's dead." "Thank you." "And, ma'am, what is your ideal in a man?" "A man who takes pride in his appearance." "Kindly consideration, first." "Tall." "Definitely tall." "Someone I can talk to in bed." " A good sense of humor." " Not afraid of sex." " A Texas oil man." " Aggressiveness." " Outdoor type." " A rebel." " Young." " You." "Woo-hoo!" "Excuse me, ma'am." "Thank you." "Shit." "...grand time talking to Mrs. Drevin, who is going to give us her remedy for insomnia." "I sure will." "It's pretty unusual, but anyway." "You know what I do?" "I move furniture around." "So help me." "Everything but the sofa, you know?" "And that's my remedy for insomnia." "My remedy is, ma'am, you just dial the hotel here." " Ask for Joe Buck." " I iron my husband's shirts." "Joe Buck." "On the American Exchange, brought to you by Morgan Vandercook." " Up your income with sound." " Up your income, lady." "Azimir Oil, twenty and seven- eighths, up one and five-eighths." "Commonwell United, twenty-two and a half, up one and three-eighths." "Mohawk Data Science is sixty-four and five-eighths, down one and one- eighth." "Molybdenite Corporation of Canada, six, up one half." "Loews Theatre warrants, 34, up one and a half." "Merrill Island Mining, four and one-sixteenth, up one-eighth." "On the big board, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed, up 6. 25." "Beg your pardon, ma'am." "I'm new here in town." "Just in from Texas, you know, and I'm looking for the Statue of Liberty." "Ma'am?" "Were you serious?" "About the Statue of Liberty?" "Oh, yes, ma'am." "I mean business." "I'm sorry, I..." "Well, oh, the Statue of Liberty, now." "Well, I think you take the 7th Avenue subway." " No, wait a minute now." " You sure are a pretty lady." "You're not looking for the Statue of Liberty at all." "No, ma'am, I ain't." "Why, you ought to be ashamed of yourself." "Come on, Baby." "Do it for mama." "Come on, Baby." "Mama's tired." "Baby, come on." "Do it for mama." "Hey, you little old dog." "How you doing there, scutter?" "They get you all gussied up for some damn thing, ain't they?" "Pardon me, ma'am." "I'm brand-spanking-new in town, and I was hoping to get a look at the Statue of Liberty." "Hoping to get a look at what?" "The Statue of Liberty." "It's up in Central Park, taking a leak." "If you hurry up, you'll catch the supper show." "He's picking something up for me." "Hi." "I just got your message." "How do you feel?" "Oh, I had such a head." "I loved your friend, Mr. Needleman, the last of the great King Midases." " You ain't kidding, baby." " Go, go, go." "My God, I was exhausted." "It was beautiful, Mor, though." "God, stop." " Who's there?" " I die from that." "What?" " Who's there?" "Who you talking to?" " No one." "I was just talking to Baby." "Baby?" "Who's Baby?" " I was talking to the dog, Morey." " That goddamn dog." "Please, you're annoying me." "Don't start up again." " I'm annoying you?" " Why don't you say hello to Baby?" "Baby wants to say hello to you, Daddy." "I don't wanna say hello to the dog." " Christ, Cass." " Go ahead." "Daddy wants to say hello to you, Baby." "Hello, Baby." "Hello, Baby." "Hello, you goddamn dog." "Bow-wow-wow, Baby." " Am I gonna see you tonight?" " Where do you wanna eat?" "Wherever you say." " Just you and me, no Needleman." " Hey, that's great." " Catch an early supper at Lindy's." " What time?" "Like g:30." "We don't have to rush." "My wife's away." "Her mother's sick." " Beautiful, baby." " I can stay all night, Cass." " How about a little kiss?" " You got it." "A big wet one till I see you." "Hold it, baby." "Save some of that for tonight." " Love you." " Love you." "Love you, kid." "Welcome to Dateline, the new telephone-pun game." "In our isolation booths..." "Is it because I'm a stablehand?" "One, two." "One, two." "And rest." " On your feet." " Oh, wow." "Do you think God is dead?" "Suppose we just don't talk about it anymore." "What if I want to take my mother along?" " Oh, my God!" " It even makes black whiter." " Bring your knees up." " Come on out." "Ho, ho, ho." "Woo-hoo!" "Hey, Cass." "You know what you got here?" "You got yourself a damn penthouse." "Real damn penthouse, Cass." "Don't look, baby." "Mmm." "Knock off a couple of pounds, and I'd really be a gorgeous chick, right, baby?" "Ugh, don't touch." "For God sakes, I'm late already." "What time is it?" "Oh, my God." "Straighten out the bed for me, will you, Tex?" "Say, Cass," "I sure have enjoyed being here." "I believe it's as fine a time as I've ever had in my damn life." " Me too, lover." " Oh, that's good." "It is." "Hell, the way you make me feel so damn at home here," "I almost hate to bring up business." "Yeah, it's murder, isn't it?" "What line are you in, sweetie?" "Zip me up, will you, Tex?" "Morey's always complaining about his ulcers." "Yeah, well, I don't know what line Morey's in, but myself, now," "I'm a kind of a hustler." " A person's gotta make a living." " Pardon me, ma'am?" "I said, a person's gotta make a living." "Are you sure you heard what I said?" "Sorry, Tex, my mind isn't all here." "I don't wanna be late for my date with Morey." "Listen, sweetie." "Why don't you run along, and take the number." "And we're gonna get in touch with each other real soon, aren't we?" "Would you believe that?" "I forgot to get to the bank, and now it's too late." "Listen, I have to take a taxi." "I need a few bucks." "I hate to ask you, but you're such a doll." "You know, Cass, that's a funny thing, you mentioning money, because I was about to ask you for some." "You were gonna ask me for money?" "Huh?" "Hell, why do you think I come all the way up here from Texas for?" "You were gonna ask me for money." "Who the hell do you think you're dealing with?" "Some old slut on 42nd Street?" "In case you didn't happen to notice it, you big Texas longhorn bull, I'm one hell of a gorgeous chick!" "Oh, Cass, take it easy now." "At 28 years old, you think you can come up here and pull this kind of crap?" " You're out of your mind!" " Cass, come on now." "I could just kill you with my bare hands!" "Will you get out of here?" "Will you get out of here?" "Oh, Cass, honey." "Oh, Cass, come on now." "Cass." "Hey, Cass, you think I meant that?" "Would I be asking you for money with a wad like I got riding on my hip?" "Come on, you stop your crying." "You are one gorgeous chick." "Guy gets horny just looking at you." "How much you want for that damn taxi?" "How much you want, now?" "Five?" "Ten?" "You want ten?" "Twenty?" "There you go, girl." "Terrific shirt." "Are you speaking to me?" "I was just admiring that colossal shirt." "I mean, that is one hell of a shirt." "I bet you paid a pretty price for it." "Am I right?" " Well, I ain't cheap." " Yeah, birds." " Let's say it's an all right shirt." " I like birds." "I don't like to have a lot of, you know, cheap stuff on my back." " Sure." " Hi, cowboy." "Got a cigarette?" "Hey, sweetheart." "More goddamn faggots in this town." " Oh, kiss it, Ratso." " Up yours." "You gotta watch out for that." "Hey, you really know the ropes." "Damn, I wish I'd bumped into you before." " I'm Joe Buck from Texas." " Enrico Rizzo from the Bronx." "And I'm gonna buy you a drink." "What do you think of that?" " Oh, don't mind if I do." " Bartender, drinks all around and one for my friend here too." "See, I know when I give satisfaction, I give her satisfaction." "I mean, you see what I'm getting at here?" "She got a penthouse up there with a color TV and more goddamn diamonds than the archbishop, and she busts out bawling when I ask her for money." " For what?" " For money." "Wait a minute." "For money for what?" "Oh, hell, I'm a hustler." "You didn't know that?" "How am I supposed to know?" "You gotta tell a person these things." " I'm a hustler." " Shh." "All right." "Yeah, you're a hustler." "But, I mean, you're picking up trade on the street like that, that's nowhere." "I mean, you gotta get yourself some kind of management." "I think you put your finger on it." "You know what you need?" "You need my friend O'Daniel." "He operates the biggest stable in town." "In fact, in the whole goddamn metropolitan area." "It's stupid, a stud like you paying." "I mean, you don't wanna be stupid." "I understand." "A dame starts crying, I'd cut my heart out for her." "I'd call that a very minor operation." "In fact, you just sit comfy and I'll cut it out with my fingernail file, Ratso." " The name's Rizzo." " That's what I said, Ratso." " Hey, now you heard him." " That's all right, Joe." "I mean, I'm used to these types that get their kicks picking on cripples." "The sewer's full of them." "I just wanna ask you one question, cowboy." "If you're sitting over here, and he's sitting over there, how's he gonna get his hand into your pocket?" " Well, suppose you let me work..." " I guess he's got that all figured out." "Good night, sweets." "Faggot." " Provolone." " Faggot." "Look, with these gals that wanna buy it, most of them are old and dignified." "Social-register types, you know what I mean?" "They can't be trotting to Times Square to pick out the merchandise." "They gotta have some kind of a middleman." "And that's where O'Daniel comes in, you know what I mean?" "Hey, what's the matter?" "I'm walking here!" "I'm walking here!" "Up yours, you son of a bitch." "You don't talk to me that way!" "Get out of here!" "Don't worry about that." "Actually, that ain't a bad way to pick up insurance, you know." "It's crazy, a stud like you paying that dame that you told me about, double sawbucks." "You know, with proper management, you could be taking home 50, maybe $100 a day, easy." "Hey, hey, Brucey." "Hang in there, baby." "What's that?" "Him, I placed with O'Daniel about two weeks ago." "He ain't much of a stud either, from what I hear." "All right, all right." "Hey, horse." "How about you take me to meet this Mr. O'Diddle bird, right now?" "What do you say about that?" "Joe, you're a nice guy, and I'd be doing both of you a favor, but you know, for what?" "What am I dragging my bum leg around town for, you know?" "Tomorrow, some piece like that is liable to be scratching your back over there at The Plaza and where am I gonna be, you know?" "Where?" "Hold on." "Hold it right there." "You think I'm that kind of son of a bitch?" "Well, you just name your cut." "Whatever you want, you got it, right now." "I swear." " It's all right." " What you want, 5, 10?" "What?" "Are you kidding me?" "You know what, I'd ask somebody else." " There's 10, right there." " All right." "I'll tell you." "Forget it." "I'll do..." "I'll take the 10." "But when I take you over to see Mr. O'Daniel," "I'm gonna have to have another 10 just to cover expenses, all right?" "Uh..." "Come on, I'll buy us coffee, on me." "Get out of here." "Come on." "Fucking creeps, go to work." "He needs you right now, tonight." "I got his tongue hanging out." "His name is Joe Buck." "He's a cowboy." "He just..." "He just came in from Texas." "Very new to the city." "He don't quite know the ropes yet, but he's very promising material, sir, if you know what I mean." "Fabulous." "Right away." "What's your room number there, again, sir?" "Right." "ON." "901, you got it?" "Hey, hold it a second, will you?" "Let's see how you look." "Fine." "Fine." "You look fine." "Think I could have that other 10 now?" "Where can I reach you?" "I'm gonna make this thing right" " with you soon as I get me set up." " Forget it." "I mean it, damn it, where do you live?" " It's the Sherry-Netherlands Hotel." " Sherry-Netherlands Hotel." "Hurry up, now." "Get your ass in there now." "He's waiting." "Go ahead." "Come on." "What are you, on vacation?" "...close the doors on me for, when I'm going out there before?" "You must be Joe Buck." "Yes, I am." "Come on in." "Let's take a look at you." "Turn around." "Good strong back." "You're gonna need it." "So you want help?" "Sit down." "Sit down." "Relax." "Cowboy, huh?" "Well, sir, I ain't a "for real" cowboy." "But I am one hell of a stud." "Take it easy, boy." "Seems to me you're different from most of the boys that come to me." "Most of those boys are troubled and confused." "I'd say you know exactly what you want." " You bet I do, sir." " Yeah." "But I bet you got one thing in common with those other boys." "I bet you're lonesome." "Well, not too." " I mean, a little." " Yeah." "♪ Lonesome" "♪ I'm lonesome" "So I'm a drunk." " I'm lonesome, so I'm a dope fiend." " Oh, shut up!" "I'm lonesome, so I'm a thief." "I'm lonesome, so I'm a fornicator," "A whoremonger." "Poop, I say." "Poop." "I've heard it all." "I've heard it all and I'm sick of it." " Sick to death." " Yes, sir." "I can see that." "Lonesomeness." "Lonesomeness is something you take, you hear?" "Damn it, you take it and go on with your work." " That's all there is to it." " I'm raring to go." "Yes, I believe you are." " Cowboy, eh?" " Yes, sir." "Yeah." " Ready for hard work?" " I'm ready for anything." "Yeah." "I reckon it's gonna be easier for you, Joe Buck, than for most others." " It's gonna be like money from home." " Money from home." "There's your strength, son, see?" "You've got the way of putting things earthy so anybody can understand." "I warn you, Joe Buck." "I'm gonna use you." "I'm gonna run you ragged!" "Woo-hoo!" "You're a wonderful boy." "We're gonna have fun together." " It don't have to be joyless." " Hell, no, it don't have to be." "Say, why don't you and me get right down on our knees right now?" "How's that strike you?" " Where?" " Right here!" "Here." "Here." "Right now." "Why not?" "Why not?" "I've prayed in the streets." "I've prayed in the saloons." "I've prayed in the toilets." "It don't matter where, so long as He gets that prayer." "Say it!" "That's the ticket, boy." "Just open your heart and let it roll." "The words don't matter, as long as you get that love behind them." " Don't be frightened, son." " I baptize thee, my brother, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit..." "Don't be frightened, son." "Don't." "Don't run from Jesus." "Hey, you know that runty little bastard I was with?" "No, I don't know nothing, man." "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "You stop it." "Stop it." "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "What's that monstrosity down there?" "That's a toupee for dogs." " For dogs?" " This is Fifi's wig." "That's for that dog?" "I don't believe this crowd." "There's something going on here." "There's something going on here." "Now, really, seriously, isn't this really a case of conning a lot of lonely people?" "Lonely people, yes." "Who else would do it?" "A woman with children wouldn't have time." "When they have no children, a woman who is alone..." "There's a TV dinner in the fridge, loverboy." "Expect me when you see me." "I'll leave you movie money." "I think that's sick." "I think that's sick." "Dressing up a dog to look like a child?" "Come on, Fifi." "This is in case she meets another dog." " That's terrible." " No, see, she likes it." "If I can find the hole that's..." "Gold and silver candlelight." "Wine and skyrockets." "And butterfly thoughts that glitter in your mind." "You're special." "Give yourself special treatment." "Need money?" "We love to lend it to you." "Why worry about your future?" "What do you want more than anything in the world?" "Take it easy, but take it." "Key to Room 514, please, sir." "Looks like you've been locked out of your room, buddy, till you pick up the tab." "Well, what about all my things?" "Oh, we keep them nice and safe till you get this thing settled." "I'll tell you what, you can keep all the rest of the junk if you let me have the suitcase." " The suitcase means a lot to me." " We keep everything." "House rules." "Y'all gonna eat them crackers?" "I spilled some on my pants." "Can you tell me how I get to Grand Central?" "Surely." "You follow the green lights." "Officer, how do I get to Grand Central?" "You know what you gotta do, cowboy?" "Spacecraft to Earth Control." "Check trajectory." "We have a malfunction of our instruments," "Captain Grace is investigating." "Orbital module has failed to separate from upper-stage booster as planned." "Earth Control to Spacecraft." "You have 30 seconds before you are ejected into lunar trajectory." "Only 30 seconds." "Do you read me?" "Spacecraft to Earth Control." "I read you." "Chuck!" "Chuck!" "I've lost you." "Spacecraft to Earth Control." "We've lost contact with Captain Grace." " Can you track him?" " Niss me, Joe." "Earth Control to Spacecraft." "He's in free fall." "Neep trying to make contact." "You're the only one, Joe." "You're the only one." "Listen, that..." "Nissing Crazy Annie, man." "You better drink a whole damn drugstore." "Niss me, Joe." "Niss me." "You're the only one, Joe." "I'm awful damn sorry you're sick." "But you're gonna have to give me that money, like you said." "I was lying." "I don't have it." "What are you gonna do to me?" " You ain't got no $25 on you?" " No." "What are you gonna do to me?" "What the hell do you think I'm gonna do?" "What do you want me to do to you, boy?" "You want me to beat on you, is that what you want?" " How much in your pockets?" " Nothing." "Then I'm gonna empty your pockets out right over here." "Right over there." "You take my books." "I don't want your books." "How much is that worth?" "No, don't take my watch." "Please." "Don't take it." "Don't take it." "It's only a cheap watch." "I..." "It's not worth anything." "I can't go home without it either." "Please." "My mother would die." "Don't take that." "I can't go home or she'd die." "She would die." "Please." "I don't want your damn watch." "Preparing for this brief moment of glory at halftime." "A basic training as rigorous as the star football players themselves." "Long hours of precision choreography that would put the Rockettes to shame." "Musical arrangements, rehearsals, costume fittings." "A production in Hollywood's finest tradition." "There's an invasion of America going on." "But you can spot the invaders easily if they're by themselves." "They're dark, heavy, and have noticeable accents." "Every day they're working themselves into more homes." "What can you do about these invaders?" "Enjoy them." "November Better Homes and Gardens is about the invasion of stylish furniture..." "Come on, now, don't hit me." "Come on, I'm a cripple." " I ain't gonna hit you." " Come on, now." " I'm gonna strangle you to death." " Wait a minute." "I'm gonna shake you out right here and now." " Where's my money?" " Here." " You put it right there, boy." " All right." "All right, here." "Here, that's all I got." "Here, that's it." "That's all you got?" " What you got in your socks?" " Nothing." "I swear to God." "I swear on my mother's eyes." "Here, nothing." "Here, 64 cents." "Go ahead." "Come on, I want you to have it." "Sticky." "What did you do, slobber on it?" " Here." "Have a cigarette." " I wouldn't touch it." "Come on." "Come on." "Come on, sit down." "How do you like that O'Daniel, flipping out like that?" "You know, I tried to get in touch with you when I heard, but I was laid up with this cold." "You want some free medical advice?" "You just keep your damn mouth shut about that night." "Right." "Fine." "OK." "Fine." "OK." "Another subject." "Where you living at?" "You still at the hotel?" "What am I doing talking to you?" "Damn it." "Hey, come on." " Hey, wait up, for chrissake." " You keep away from me, you hear?" "Come near me again, I'm gonna snatch you baldheaded." "I'm inviting you." "I mean, if you're not located, I got a place." " I'm inviting you, goddamn it!" " You're inviting shit." "The X on the windows means the landlord can't collect rent, which is a convenience, on account of it's condemned." "Front door." "I mean, I don't care." "Actually, I prefer it that way." "Keeps the punks and the creeps out of here." "Got my own private entrance here." "You're the only one who knows about it." "Watch the plank." "Watch the plank." "Break your goddamn skull." "No way to collect insurance." "Oh, there's glass there." "Oh, I've been meaning to take that fridge up." "Get it, will you?" " Need any help?" " No, I don't need no help from you." "You OK?" "It's not far." "It's just one more up." "Oh, the electric's off." "I don't mess with Con Edison." "Just another convenience, eh?" "But the icebox will keep the roaches from getting into perishables." "Where did you steal this?" "What do you mean?" "It's been down there for weeks." "I don't mean now." "I mean before then." "Don't get a hernia, know what I mean?" "Go ahead, just drop it anywhere." "It's not bad, huh?" "There's no heat here, but, you know, by the time winter comes up," "I'll be in Florida." "Hey, do you wanna stretch out here?" "Make yourself comfortable?" "Go ahead." "Why don't you take a nap?" "Would you like a cup of coffee?" "Joe, do you love me, Joe?" "You're the only one, Joe." "You're the only one." "Stop it, do you hear me?" "I said stop that!" "He's the one." "He's the only one." "He's the one." "He's the only one." "Casualty reports have been issued." "The American information officer says there have been 429 American casualties, 429 on the death list." "This as opposed to 643 South Vietnamese..." "Hey, why you mad?" "Hey, what?" "What's the...?" "What's the matter?" "Where's my boots?" "Where's my damn boots?" "Over there." " How did they get off me?" " I took them off." " What for?" " What do you mean, what for?" "So you could sleep." "I mean, Christ." "Smart thing to do is haul my ass out of here." "What's the matter now?" "You want me to stay." "You're after something." "What are you after?" " You don't look like no fag." " What's that supposed to mean?" "Well, you want me to stay here." "That's the idea?" "Look, I'm not forcing you." "I mean, like, who's forcing you?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "I truly am." "I must have got the wrong impression then." "OK." "OK, boy." "Look, I want you to stay, all right?" "I mean, I goddamn invited you, didn't I?" "Well, I hope you know what you're in for." "I'm a truly dangerous person, I am." "If someone does me bad like you..." "If I'd of caught up with you, there would be one dead Ratso along by now." "You understand me?" "You hear?" "I'm impressed." "You're a killer." "So if I'm gonna stay here a couple days, I just thought you should know." "Property of the YMCA." "Sometimes you make me wanna puke, Ratso." "Joe, do me one favor, huh?" "This is my place." "Am I wrong?" "No, you ain't wrong." "You know, in my own place, my name ain't Ratso." "I mean, it just so happens that in my own place, my name is Enrico Salvatore Rizzo." "Well, I can't say all that." "Rico, then." "At least call me Rico in my own goddamn place." "OK, Rico, Rico, Rico." "Rico, Rico, Rico, Rico." " Is that enough for you?" " That's fine." "Give me a pillow." "Come on, give me one of those pillows." "Keep your meat hooks off my radio." "Rico, Rico." "Are you here again?" "Didn't I tell you once before to keep away from here?" "Every time you take stuff from me!" "Will you get out of here?" " That ain't nice, picking on a cripple." " Cripple or not, I don't care!" "Look at how big you are, goddamn it!" "The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk." "Did you know that?" "That's a fact." "In Florida, you got a terrific amount of coconut trees there." "In fact, I think they even got them in the gas stations over there." "And ladies." "You know that in Miami you got..." "You listening to me?" "You got more ladies in Miami than in any resort area in the country, there." "I think per capita, on a given day, there's probably three hundred of them on the beach." "In fact, you can't scratch yourself without getting a bellybutton up the old kazoo there." "It's hot." "Let's go." "Come on!" "Hey." "Smells worse hot than it did cold." "Starting tomorrow, you'll cook your own goddamn dinner." "Or get one of your rich Park Avenue ladies to cook for you..." " I'm eating it, see?" " In her penthouse." "Look, I'm eating this shit, Ratso." "Mm, good." " It's good." " I gotta get out of here." "I gotta get out of here." "Miami Beach, that's where you could score." "Anybody can score there, even you." "In New York, no rich lady with any class at all buys that cowboy crap anymore." "They're laughing at you on the street." "Ain't nobody laughing at me on the street." "Behind your back I've seen them laughing at you." "What the hell do you know, anyway?" "When's the last time you scored, boy?" "That's a matter I only talk about at confession." "We're not talking about me." "When's the last time you've been to confession?" "That's between me and my confessor." "And I'll tell you, frankly, you're beginning to smell." "And for a stud in New York, that's a handicap." "Don't talk to me about clean." "I've never seen you change your underwear the whole time I've been here." "That's peculiar behavior." "I don't have to do that." "I've got no need to expose myself." "No, I bet you don't." "I bet you ain't never even been laid." "How about that?" "And you're gonna tell me what appeals to women?" "I know enough to know that that great big dumb cowboy crap don't appeal to nobody except every Jackie on 42nd Street." "That's faggot stuff." "If you wanna call it by its name, that's strictly for fags." "John Wayne." "Are you gonna tell me he's a fag?" "I like the way I look." "It makes me feel good." "It does." "And women like me, goddamn it." "Hell, the only one thing I ever been good for is loving." "Women go crazy for me." "That's a really true fact." "Hell, Crazy Annie, they had to send her away." "Then how come you ain't scored the whole time you've been in New York?" "Because I need management, goddamn it, because you stole $20 off me." "That's why you're gonna stop crapping around about Florida and get your skinny butt moving." "Earn $20 worth of management, which you owe me." "A woman in your condition shouldn't have to do all this." "Boy, you have a lot of laundry here." "It ain't right cheating from a pregnant lady." " What did it cost her?" " What do you mean, what did it cost?" "The laundry syndicate lost a couple of coins." "I'm crying." " That's it, sir." " All right, take it." "That's good, sir, where's mine?" "The black Homburg." " I brought it in the same time." " Well, I tell you, I don't know." "You no have a hat here, mister." "You gotta bring me the ticket." "What about that black Homburg right up there?" "Up in there." "Is that it right there?" " Yeah, that's all..." " Oh, ticket?" "Oh yeah, here's my ticket." "It's right there in the corner." "You wanna get it?" "All right." "I'll look them over." "Keep going, up to the top." "Right in the corner there, the top one." "No, it not belong to yours." "It belongs somebody else." "Hey!" "You're pretty damn good at that." "I bet you could make a living at it." "And end up a hunchback like my old man?" "If you think I'm crippled, you should've caught him at the end of the day." "My old man spent 14 hours a day down in that subway." "He'd come home at night, $2, $3 worth of change stained with shoe polish." "Stupid bastard coughed his lungs out from breathing in that wax all day." "Even the faggot undertaker couldn't get his nails clean." "They had to bury him with gloves on." "OK, go ahead." "Go on, take a look." "Don't rush me, boy." "Gotta take your time here." "Get myself primed up, like turning on the charm for some pretty little blond lady, you know?" "Then when I'm feeling cool and good, I spin around." "And there you are, you handsome devil, you." "Not bad." "For a cowboy." "You're OK." "You're OK." "And you will be punctual, won't you?" "The lady will meet you in the lobby." "Hello?" "Yes, everything's been arranged." "Taxi!" "Yes, sir." "Oh, I think you got something on your shoulder there." "There, you got it." "Go ahead, go ahead." "It's all right." "Say, you haven't got a quarter, have you?" "Just a quarter?" " How do you like that cheap bastard." " Let's see it." "Listen, I think we struck gold." "This is one high-class chick." ""Barclay Hotel for women."" "Women." "Is this the Gentleman's Escort Service?" "I'm calling for Miss Beecham at the Barclay Hotel." "Right." "Well, she changed her mind." "She won't need nobody tonight." "That's right." "Thank you very much." "Right." "Would you believe a whole goddamn hotel with nothing but lonely ladies?" "Score once in a setup like that, and, Christ, the way they talk," "I could open up an office in there." "Come on." "Go ahead." "Get the money." "Listen get the cash." "Remember that lady in the penthouse." "Get the cash." "Those rich ladies write out a check at night, and in the morning call the bank and stop payment." "Go ahead." "Watch the car!" "Go on." "Rico!" "Hey, Rico!" "Rico, up here!" "Up here!" "Rico!" "B-6, G-49." "G-49, I-24." "L-24." "And the next one is O-62, ladies and gentlemen." "O-62." "Are there any bingos?" " And the next one is B- 13." " In this public place." "Now, wait a second, lady, goddamn it." "You keep your hands off me, sir." "I want my money, goddamn it." "I'll tell you this:" "No, you're not, lady." "Temperature right now:" "It's 28 degrees, and the weatherman says it's going down tonight." "Air cloudy now, and we can expect a few snow flurries later on." "♪ Orange juice on ice, is nice" "♪ Orange juice on the ice" "♪ Orange juice on ice, is nice" "♪ It's refreshingly, cool and naturally" "♪ Break away from old habits" "♪ Take a word of advice" "♪ Serve real Florida orange juice" "♪ Orange juice on ice" "♪ Break away from old habits" "♪ Take a word of advice" "♪ Serve real Florida orange juice" "♪ Orange juice on ice ♪" "I'll give you $5 for it." "Yeah." "♪ I got a telephone call from Jesus" "♪ I got him on the line" "♪ I'm only calling..." "♪ I got a telephone call from Jesus" "♪ I got him on the line ♪" "Hey, Ratso." "Hey, get your ass out here." "I wanna show you something." "There you go, boy." "There's money for you." "That's $9 right there, plus assorted change." "Minus 26 cents for milk." "Plus five cents for Dentyne." "Gum." "Oh, that's smart." "Light a cigarette." "Why don't you take that and buy a carton and do the job right." "Where did you get it?" "I got it." "Where you been?" "42nd Street?" "That's where you been." " Movies, that's where you've been?" " I ain't been nowhere." "Yeah, movies." "That's where you got that thing on your back." " What, this?" " "What, this?"" "A friend I did a favor for give it to me." " A friend?" " Yeah." "Who did you do a favor for?" "You'd let a poor bastard freeze to death." "You stole the thing, didn't you?" "You stole it." "I stole it for you." "The goddamn thing's 10 sizes too big for me." "Wear it yourself." "I wouldn't have it on my back." "I'll be goddamned if I'll wear it." "Here." "Buy yourself some medicine before you die on my damn hands." " I hate bone yards." " So split." "He ain't your goddamn father." "He was even dumber than you." "He couldn't even write his own name." "X, that's what it ought to say on that goddamn headstone." "One big lousy X." "Just like our dump." "Condemned by order of city hall." "My grandma, Sally Buck she died without letting me know." "Oh!" "Hitler's storm troopers!" "Just because I happened to get out of a car." "Would you believe that?" "It all depends on what you believe in, you know?" "Like sometimes your spirit goes up, sometimes it goes..." "It goes..." "It goes other places." "How long did I hold up traffic just to get out, I ask you." "Give some people a little power, and right away they gotta supersede their authority." "This whole kind of thing is spiritual, spiritual matters." "Oh, now you're talking priest talk." "You're talking priest talk, now." "I ain't talking priest talk." "I'm talking about what people believe." "Some people believe you can come back in another body." "Well, I hope I don't come back in your body." "I ain't asking you to come back in my body." "You could come back as anything." "You could come back as a dog or a president." "If I had my choice between the two, I'd come back as a president." "I ain't that dumb." "What do you think?" "Maybe you gotta think about those things for a while." "I'm sorry, I'm usually not like this." "I'm usually a very calm and collected person." "Really, forgive me." "I'm awfully sorry." "I think I'm gonna write a letter to the mayor." "I don't believe in any of that crap." "You're entitled to think what you want." " Well, maybe I do think what I want." " Him." "And maybe I do believe all that damn stuff and I..." "And I do some thinking about it." " Here." "What was that all about?" "Hey, look here." "I've been chosen for some damn thing." "Hey." " It's a come-on." " Yeah, you know what this is?" " It's a come-on to a party." " It's a couple of wackos advertising." "Where does it say to go, Klein's Bargain Basement?" "You get a 10-year subscription to the Encyclopedia Britannica." "It says, "Broadway and Harmony Lane," "Hansel and Gretel McAlbertson." "One flight up."" " That's clear, ain't it?" " Get out of here." "What do fruity wackos like that want with characters like you and me?" "It don't say nothing about you." "Don't say nothing about you." " Don't say nothing about you either." " They took my picture, didn't they?" "You want me to get lost so you can go to your fancy-ass party?" "No, wait a minute." "I didn't say nothing about that." "Did I say that?" "Did I?" "I'll just tell them:" "You want me, I don't go nowhere without my buddy here." "I ain't dressed for a party." "There you go." "Right here." "Hey, dog." "Hey, you all right?" "You OK?" "Hell, damn, you're sweating all over the damn place." "Come here." "You got a comb on you?" "I don't need a comb." "Here." "Few dozen cooties ain't gonna kill me, I don't guess." " OK?" " Yeah." " I look OK?" " Yeah." "OK, come on." "Come on." "Hey, they're taking our picture." "Uh, now just one more close-up with her." "I love everything in the theatre." "I would like to die on the stage." "And my hair, it's fur, you know, it's tendrils reaching out into space sometimes." "I've watched it touch many stars." "Wackos." "They're all wackos." "I think we'd better find somebody and tell them that I'm here." "Hey." "Uh, well, I made it." "This is my friend, Ratso Rizzo, and I." " Rico." "Rico Rizzo." " Hello." "If you need anything, there's beer and stuff behind me." "Anything you want." "Oh, Jesus." "If you want the word on that brother and sister act," "Hansel's a fag and Gretel's got the hots for herself." "So who cares, right?" "Load up on the salami." "It's like what?" "It's like heroin." "Death is like heroin." " Have you tried heroin?" " Yeah, I've tried heroin." "It's like nothing." "It's like death." "It's just nothing." " Why are you here?" " I don't know." "Who brought you?" "I don't know." "Thank you, ma'am." "Hey." "Hey, sonny, what you doing there?" "She give it to me, boy." "Give me the goddamn thing." "Hey, what do you want?" "Up or down?" "Up or down?" "Here, why don't you take an upper." "Why are you stealing food?" "I was just noticing that you're out of salami." "You ought to have somebody go to the delicatessen, bring some more back." "Well, you know, it's free." "You don't have to steal it." "It's free, then I ain't stealing." "What's the matter?" "How did you get crippled?" "I slipped on a banana peel." "Come on." "I gotta sit." "I feel crummy." " What's the matter?" " Take your hands off of me!" " Why don't you use my shower?" " Why don't you take a walk?" "Just take your hands off of me." "Don't touch me." " Just take a walk." " Take a shave." "I was going to lick the sweat off." " Keep your hands off!" " Well, you look hot!" " Guess who I am." " Who?" "It's me." "How you doing?" "You're getting your picture took, huh?" "Hi." "Oh, hey." "Oh." "Hey." "Let's leave now." "Your place or mine?" " She's hooked." " Like, why a cowboy?" "I'd say she was good for 10 bucks, but I'll ask for 20." "Why a cowboy whore?" "Did you know we were gonna make it?" "So you really wanna do business?" "Who is he?" "Don't tell me you two are a couple?" "Hey." "Why are you laughing, Joe?" "You really a cowboy?" "I'll tell you the truth." "I ain't a "for real" cowboy, but I am one hell of a stud." "A very expensive stud, and I happen to be his manager." "Incidentally, how much is this gonna cost me?" "Twenty bucks." " OK." " And taxi fare for me." "Oh, get lost, will you?" "I agree, but for that service I charge one buck taxi fare." " OK?" " Yeah, OK, OK, OK." "Oh, boy." "Here." " Go ahead." " Give me a break." "I don't even know what your name is." "I wanna know." "What is it?" " My name's Joe." " Joe, oh, fabulous!" "Joe could be anyone." "I like that." "Move over, Joe." "Come here, Joe." "Kiss me, Joe." "That's a very good idea." "Why don't you kiss me, Joe?" "Oh, my." "Wow." "Too much." "He fell." "Hey, fella, you fell." "Is he all right?" "Yeah, he's fine." "Well, if you're all right, why you hanging on the banister?" "Can't you walk or not?" " Naturally, I can walk." " Yeah, he's got taxi fare." "Come on." "Are you sure you're all right?" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Hey, Ratso!" "Whoopie-ki-yi-o, boy!" "Woo-hoo!" "Well, it happens." " Don't worry about it." " It ain't never happened to me before." "You can bet your bottom dollar on that." "Where's the matches, ma'am?" "Over there, behind that thing." "Maybe if you didn't call me "ma'am," things might work out better." "That's the first goddamn time the thing ever quit on me." "That's a fact." "You think I'm lying to you?" "No." "No, I don't think you're lying." "I just had this funny image." "I had this image of a policeman without his stick, and a bugler without his horn, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera." "Oh..." "Well, I think I'm making it worse." "Maybe we ought to take a little nap and see what happens." " I ain't sleepy." " Oh." "I know." "Scribbage." "Shit." "Now, look at this here, see?" "There's an E in "money." I mean, if that's your word." "M-O-N-Y." "That's just exactly how you spell it up there, on that big building up there." "M-O-N-Y, money." "Y. What in the hell starts with Y?" "Well, it can end in Y." "Like "say, pay lay."" "Hey, pay, lay." "OK, cut it out now." "That's enough." "You're cheating." "Teasing me so I can't think." ""Gay" ends in Y." " Do you like that?" " Cut that out." "Gay, fey." "Is that your problem, baby?" "I'm gonna show you my darn problem." "Oh!" "Ow!" "I'm not." "I'm not exaggerating." "Listen, Marjorie, you should try it." "It might be terrific for you." "Oh, for God's sake." "Well, what night is Phil's poker night?" "Well, think." "Yeah, all right." "Joe, are you available Thursday night?" "What time?" "Yeah, around 8:30?" "Uh, well, let me think now." "Thursday at 8:30." "Well, I guess I can be available." "Hell, yes." "Hello?" "Marjorie, it's all set for Thursday night at 8:30." "Yes, yes." "No, no." "I can't talk to you now, so call me at the office later." "Yeah, OK." "Bye-bye." "Ma'am, Shirley, I sure hate to trouble you, but..." "Sure." " Twenty, wasn't it?" " Yes." "Bye." "Hey, boy, look right in there." "What do you see?" "Look in there, boy." "Some of that stuff's for you too." "Look, try that on for size for you." "I got some of that stuff you like to swill too." "Aspirin, Mentholatum, all that crap." " Well, what's the matter?" "They raw?" " They're OK." "Only why did you buy them?" "While you were getting the aspirin, I could've lifted this." "Is that hot?" " Yeah, you want some soup?" " Yeah." "I'll get you some soup then." "We ain't gonna have to steal, is what I'm telling you." "I got eight bucks in my damn pockets." "Twenty more come Thursday, boy." " We gonna be riding easy before long." " Give me some soup." " Give me soup." " What do you think I'm getting?" "I'm getting you some soup." "Look at that there." "That's some good, healthy stuff for you." " Look at there." "There's soup." " Thanks." "It's hot." "Watch out." " How was she?" " Well..." "She went crazy, if you wanna know the damn truth." " Yeah?" " Yeah, she turned into a damn alley cat." " Thanks for the stuff." " Don't mention it." "It's good." "Hey, listen, don't get sore or anything, OK?" "I ain't sore." "I don't think I can walk anymore." "I mean, I've been falling down a lot." "I'm scared." "What are you scared of?" "You know what they do to you when they know you can't..." "When they find out that you can't walk." "Oh, Christ." "I gotta lay down." " OK, OK." " I gotta lay down." "You're gonna lay down." "Just take it easy." " I'm..." " We'll lay you down." "Gonna lay you down." "There you go." "Let me put this thing over you." "Now, you stay here." "Where you going?" "I gotta get a doctor." " What?" " I gotta get a doctor." "You ain't getting me no doctor." " You're sick." "You need a damn doctor." " Hey." "No doctors, no cops." "Don't be so stupid." " What the hell you want me to do?" " Florida." "Get me to Florida." " Hell, I can't go to Florida now." " Just put me on a bus." "Put me on a bus." "I don't need you." "You got the fever." "How you gonna get to Florida?" "Just get me on a bus." "You ain't sending me to Bellevue." "All right, what are you doing?" "What are you doing that for?" "It's hot." " You're sick." "You're sick." " No." " I'm keeping it on you." " I'm too hot now." "Dumb." "Boy, you're really dumb." "I don't need you." " Shut up!" "Shut up!" "Just shut up!" " You dumb cowboy, boy." "Damn it." "Shut up." "Just when things going right for me, you gotta pull a damn stunt like this." "Hi, Shirley." "How you doing, girl?" "Miss who?" "Well, when will Mrs. Gardner be home?" "This is a friend of hers." "This is a goddamn good friend of hers." "Now, you..." "Well, hell, I can't wait that long." "Too bad." "Well, we all have our off days." "I'm Townsend P. Locke, from Chicago." "Call me Towny." "I'm here on a paper manufacturer's convention, and, frankly, to have a little fun, damn it." "This is my first night in town." "I'd consider it a privilege if you would have dinner with me." "There's a little French restaurant not too far from here." "Italian restaurant?" "Does that appeal to you?" "Don't worry about how you're dressed." "They know me." "I'll tell them you're with the rodeo." "There's always a rodeo in town, damn it." "Besides, you look very elegant." "But damn it, we can't do that." "It occurred to me I'm expecting a phone call back at the hotel." "Mama?" "A coincidence." "Guess who was being discussed." "Have you got that thing turned up?" "Well, why aren't you wearing it?" "Oh, really, Mama, this is just impossible." "I mean, why go to all the expense?" " Why go to all the expense, Mama?" " Listen, Towny." "Did I tell you I got me a sick kid on my hands?" "Well, he is." "He's sick on chill, and I gotta get him south quick as I can." "I got me a sick boy, and I'm gonna get him south." "You understand me, Towny?" "I'm gonna get him south." "What you want?" "What you got me up here for?" "Oh, Joe, it's..." "It's so difficult." "I..." "You're a nice person, Joe." "I should never have asked you up here." "You're a lovely person, really." "Oh, God, I loathe life." "I loathe it." "Please go." "Please." "You want me to leave?" "No." "I mean, yes, yes." "Please go." "Come back tomorrow." "Promise?" "I'm going to Florida tomorrow." "That's terrible." "You meet someone, you think..." "Yeah." "I want to give you a present, for your trip." "Please take it." "I want you to have it." "You don't have to be a Catholic." "St. Christopher's the patron saint of all travelers." "I want you to take it." "It's for helping me be good." "I gotta have money." "Yes, of course." "Wait here." "I said, wait." "Here." "Don't even thank me." "I gotta have more than 10." "I gotta have $57." "I simply don't have it, Joe." " I got family, goddamn it." " You're wasting your time." " There's nothing in here." " Get out of my way, please, sir." " Get out of my way!" " Ah!" "You wanna let go of that table, please, sir?" " Please, sir?" " No, please." "No." "Don't!" "No, no, don't." "Oh, I deserved that." "I brought this on myself." "I know I did." " My nose is bleeding, isn't it?" " Now," " you gonna let go of that table?" " No, no." "Now, are you gonna let go of that table, or you want a busted skull?" "No, Joe." "Joe." "Oh, Joe, thank you." "Thank you." "Operator." "Number, please." " Number, please." " Hello." " No." "No, I wasn't calling anyone." " Hello?" "Hello?" "I wasn't calling anyone." "I wasn't calling anyone." "No." "I wasn't calling anyone." "I was..." "I was, Joe..." "Joe, I was..." "Thirty-one hours." "Eleven-thirty in the morning, we get there." "Not this morning, but the next at 11:30." "These guys are good drivers, boy." "They gotta be." "You didn't kill him, did you?" "Got blood on your jacket." "I don't wanna talk about it." "If you're gonna shiver, put your blankets up more." "I've been thinking." "I hope we're not gonna have a lot of trouble about my name down there." "Because, I mean, like, what's the whole point of this trip, anyway?" "You know?" "Keep your blankets on you." "I mean, can you see this guy running around a beach, all suntanned, and he's going and swimming, like..." "And then somebody yells, "Hey, Ratso."" "What's that sound like to you?" "Sounds like they knew you." "Sounds like crap." "Admit it." "I'm Rico, all the time, OK?" "We're gonna tell all these new people my name's Rico." "OK?" "OK." "Hey, what's the matter?" "I'm wet." "You're what?" "I wet my pants." "The seat's all wet." "Well, hell, there ain't no use crying over the damn thing." "Here I am going to Florida, my leg hurts, my butt hurts, my chest hurts, my face hurts, and like that ain't enough, I gotta pee all over myself." "That's funny?" "I'm falling apart here." "You just..." "You know what happened?" "You just took a little rest stop that wasn't on the schedule." "Let me put you up here." "Hey, what size pants you wear?" "Thank you, ma'am." " Where you from?" " New York." "You ever been here before?" "No, ma'am, I ain't." "This is my first time." "Well, I hope you have a good time in Florida." "Thank you." "Hey." "Hey, what are you doing?" "I'm zipping your fly." "What the hell do you think I'm doing?" "Thanks, Joe." "These shirts are comfortable, ain't they?" "Yours was the only one left with a palm tree on it." "Clothes are damn cheap here too, you know that?" "Everything we got only set us back 10 some." "Hey, you know, Ratso." "Rico, I mean." "I got this damn thing all figured out." "When we get to Miami, what I'm gonna do is get some sort of job, you know?" "Because, hell, I ain't no kind of hustler." "I mean, there must be an easier way of making a living than that." "Some sort of outdoors work." "What do you think?" "Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do." "OK, Rico?" "Rico?" "Rico." "Hey, Rico?" "Rico?" "It's OK, folks, everything's all right." "Nothing to worry about." "Is he kin to you?" " Wanna close his eyes?" " What?" "Just reach over and close his eyes." "All right." "We'll just drive on in, all right?" "Nothing else we can do." "OK, folks." "Just a little illness." "We'll be in Miami in a few minutes." "It's OK, folks." "Nothing to worry about." "Just a little illness." "We'll be in Miami in just a few minutes."