"# You woke up this morning #" "# Got yourself a gun #" "# Your momma always said you'd be the Chosen One #" "# She said you're..." "you're one in a million #" "# You've got to burn to shine #" "# But you were born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" "# When you woke up this morning #" "# And all that love had gone #" "# Your papa never told you about #" "# Right and wrong #" "# But you're..." "you're lookin' good, baby #" "# I believe that you're feelin' fine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" " # So sing it now # - # Woke up this morning #" "# Got a blue moon..." "got a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" "# You say you woke up this morning #" "# The world turned upside down #" "# Lordy, well, things ain't been the same #" "# Since the blues walked in our town #" "# But you're... but you're one in a million #" "# 'Cause you got that shotgun shine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" " # Uh-huh # - # And got yourself a gun #" " # Woke up this morning # - # Got yourself a gun #" " # Uh-huh # - # Got yourself a gun. #" "# I was all right #" "# For a while #" "# I could smile... #" "There he is." "Black Jack Massarone." "I saw this and I thought of you." " Ho, look at that!" " Guy's local." "He makes them as part of a program for disabled vets." "A little gift to show my gratitude for all our work together." "Thanks." " Look at those guys, huh?" " Mmm." "They had some times, huh?" "You know we're finally gonna cut the ribbon for the museum on the 22nd." "They're gonna ask me to make a little speech on the challenges of contemporary urban development." "Thank you." " Somethin' for you?" " Oh, um..." "I'll have what he's having." "Listen, my buddy in city plan check says he just pulled a permit to turn the old bus station into a mixed use." "The thing is, Zellman still hasn't given me a number." "Has he said anything to you about another bid?" "Oh, we don't talk much." "Take your hat off." "Relax." "Yeah, I just started on the Rogaine." "Listen, you think maybe you could ask Ron if this falls under the same arrangement?" "Kinda soggy, you wanna know the truth." "Tony, this is federal redevelopment." "I'll look into it." " So, a speech, huh?" " Yeah." "The Museum of Science and Truckin'." "I just wish my mother could've seen it." "Well, wherever she is, I'm sure she's proud." "Actually, I think I know exactly where she is and it's pretty fuckin' hot." "You had one of those, too, huh?" "Gentlemen." "Is everything okay here?" "Yeah, sure." "Just talkin'." "Okay then." "Have a good night." "So they go through labor." "Big deal." "Try a prostate exam." "This is great." "And I usually don't like modern art." "The Rat Pack." "Do you know a Joseph "Joey" Cogo?" "Not much, I mean, I met him... last week." "Me and Chrissy were havin' dinner with Tony and his friend, Valentina." "Joey Cogo sent over a bottle of Veuve." "Wanna show her those?" "Oh my God." "Was this man with him?" "Yeah." "I saw him." " You're sure?" " Tuesday night." "Jesus, 'cause of what I said?" "You're supposed to be earners." "That's why you got the top tier positions." "So each one of ya go out to your people on the street, crack some fuckin'..." "Create some fuckin' earners out there!" "So, what's he sayin'?" "The way I remember he said," ""That's why you got the top tier positions."" "This other inaudible is "Crack fuckin' heads,"" "not legs." "I need a signature." "Now that's it." "That's all I gotta say." "Frankly, I'm depressed and..." "Depressed and what?" ""Depressed and ashamed."" "So what about my Alan Stewart shirt from that meeting?" "Ralph Cifaretto spilt my coffee and ruined it." "I can petty cash it." "Resubmit, okay?" "This Crazy Horse pole camera's working out really good." "Paulie Gualtieri's car again." "She's still lying." "Listen, any chance you could ask Ron if this falls under the same arrangement?" "It's kinda soggy, you wanna know the truth." " Pie." "He was eating." " Tony, this is federal redevelopment." "I'll look into it." " So a speech, huh?" " The sound quality is amazing." "New hats." "Mic's right in the button." "Museum of Science and Truckin'." "I just wish my mother could've seen it." "Give it to Angela and shut the door." "Wherever she is, I'm sure she's proud." "What happened to the jury tampering investigation" " on Junior Soprano's trial?" " Actually, I..." "You guys just drop the ball on that?" "Massarone's a huge asset." " Couple him with..." " What?" "Three-year-old airline tickets?" "Some ties to the Bevelaqua murder?" "Even if Massarone and 1,000 other snitches pan out, we've still gotta put Tony on trial." "That's useless until we find out how they penetrated the anonymous jury system." "And what?" "Jury duty's not tough enough?" "You know we don't like to dig into some citizen." "Tough shit." "One of those citizens is a felon." "Get on it." "You know what's goin' on here, right?" "He fucked up his six-figure future with O'Melveny  Meyers when he blew the Junior Soprano trial." "Of course he'll keep tryin' him until he fixes that." " Hey!" " Hey." "There he is, John Barrymore." " How are ya?" " All right." "I thought nobody ever comes to see you." "I was droppin' off some dandelions." "Saw a beautiful patch in a vacant lot over by 15th Street." " Nice salad." " Any word about Tony B?" "Yeah, yeah, should be any day now." "Aunt Quintina's gonna call the moment she hears." "He's a good kid, your cousin, huh?" "Smart." "Fuckin' weirdo, you ask me." "All right, the vacant lot over on 15th Street?" "That's where all the neighborhood dogs go to piss." "You goddamn clown." "You got anything lined up for the kid?" "Yeah, yeah, air-bags." "We pull 'em from boosted cars." "People buy 'em like you wouldn't fuckin' believe." "Hey, legit dealers, body shops... they reinstall undeployed bags as new." "Top dollar." "Brave new world." "Jesus Christ, they didn't even have shoulder belts when I went away." "So you'll let me know when the kid gets out, huh?" "Yeah, we'll have a party for him." " I love you, okay." " All right." "Come on, eat." "Don't be so sensitive." "I was bein' polite." "It's like... it's like eatin' red fescue." "I'll take an egg." "You want an egg?" "Bobby, make my nephew an egg." "I don't want an egg." "Tony B." "Like a welcome home present." " What's that, a Motorola?" " Yeah." "Supposed to be the best." "You know, I figured he could use one." "Call me when he needs me." "All the fellas are gettin' out, huh?" "The class of 2004." "Old rats on a new ship." "I think I'll take an egg." "Make us a couple eggs." "I'm doin' it." "You told me." "He don't want one." " You and Tony Egg again." " Tony Egg?" "Tony B." "Like the time you two, you took that camera in the bathroom at your sister Barbara's confirmation." "Hello?" "Oh, that's terrible." "Where is he gonna be laid out?" "Who now?" "God damn it!" "Well, let us know." "Carmine Lupertazzi." "He passed during the night." "What a fuckin' blow." "He was a great man." "My cousin told me it was Carmine who invented point shaving." "C.C.N.Y. versus Kentucky, 1951." "Nobody beat the spread." "I bought a black Fleetwood." "Anthony." "Anthony, did I ever tell you I want to be cremated?" "About four times." "And don't throw my ashes in somebody's yard or off some fuckin' bridge." "I wanna be on the mantelpiece surrounded by family." "Yeah, under the moose head, I know." "Keep jokin'." "Let me tell ya somethin'." "It's like that game we used to play as kids... crack the whip." "You run around like an idiot holding' hands as tight as you can and then the line snaps, somebody lets go and you're next." "Your father meant a lot to all of us." "And not just financially either." "How are ya?" "What's up, buddy?" "Nicole..." " you remember Mr. Petrille?" " What, honey?" "He meant a lot to us." " Ginny." " Phil, how ya doin'?" " Hey, kid." " Angelo." "I'm heartbroken." " Nicole, you remember Mr. Garepe." " Of course." "That was my aunt." "My cousin's out." "Aw, that's great news." "Start him off small, T." "You hear that?" "Your cousin's out." " Oh, look who's comin'." " What?" " Hey there, handsome." " Hey, baby." " How are ya?" " Good." "Lorraine, you're lookin' good." "Yeah, keepin' it together with pilates and gin." "Sil, Paulie, how's it hangin'?" "Still got the nice manners, huh?" "Ah, this is my nephew Christopher." "Lady Shylock, you got some reputation." "Yeah, my mother said that might happen." "I'd like to introduce you to the love of my life." "This is my partner Jason Evanina." " Honor to meet ya." " Hey, how are ya?" "So Jesus leans off the cross and whispers to Peter," ""I can see your house from here."" "I'm so sorry." "This was such a shock." " This is a very hard day." " I just saw Ginny." "The flowers are beautiful." " John, got a minute?" " Yeah." "Nicole, I'm sorry." "What's goin' on here?" " What are you talkin' about?" " My father." "Look at his hands." " He looks peaceful." " I'm talkin' about his rosary." "The medal?" "You think I don't know what that is?" "It's for Opus Dei." "The fuck is that about?" "In his later years, your father was very sensitive about" " what's been goin' on in the church." " Bullshit!" "Your wife is into Opus Dei." "You told Colombino to put it there." " You sure about that?" " Yes, John, I'm sure." "Body's not even cold." "No respect for anything anymore." "And New Jersey housewife fundamentalist shit?" "I doubt it, John." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "You yourself said I was like another son to him." "I was bein' polite." "It was his deathbed." "I should've written those words down." "Maybe you should have, 'cause they don't mean anything anymore." "You understand what I'm sayin'?" "I saw a huge mushroom cloud from the shell." "Jim Campbell might be alive today if he hadn't said to me," ""Heffron, you stay here with your gun." "I'm going up."" "All your life, you gotta remember what one guy did because he thought it was his job to do and he took a shot for you." "This shit's not supposed to run and here I look like a raccoon." "You are irresistible and you know it." "Danny said I was clingy." "Fuck him." "He's the one with self-esteem issues." "You don't know what it's like out there, Ade." "You're marrying Christopher." "He's handsome, makes money, he's got great hair." "Oh..." "Okay." "You know I love animals, but this thing is so gorgeous." "Isn't it?" "My dad almost had a stroke." "But I told him, "Hey, asshole," "I'm the one taking all the fucking risk here." "I have to fake the invoices."" "Sometimes you gotta just take care of yourself, you know?" "Sure you do, honey." "Come here." " Oh." " Mmm." "Come on." "Let's don't keep your date waiting." "He likes you, I can tell." "We got a white wine for Ade." "That's another apple martini for you." "Thank you, my dear." "My Seven-and-7, and nothing-and-nothing." "Don't listen to him, Chrissy." "I think what you're doing's brave." "It's not for everybody." "Things are different when you don't have that crutch, you know?" "We make up for it other ways." "My God, it's hot in here." "What do you expect?" "You're dancing in a mink coat." "It's fox." "She's my fox in a box." "Let's see her box, or maybe her socks." "Stupid." "Well, I have to wear fur on the outside on account of being bare everywhere else." " You believe this one?" " No shit." "Every place I go, I got substances" "I can't enjoy shoved in my face." "But I guess asking you for a little support system in my own home is way the fuck outta line." "You gotta have some more wine." "Seemed to have a good time tonight." "What the fuck you talking about?" "What, Tina?" "Come on, that cunt's too full of herself, anyway." "Cunt?" "She's my maid of honor, Christopher." "She's no fucking maid, let me tell you." "Great, now I'm upset." "See what I'm talking about?" "But I guess it's all my problem." "I'm sorry, baby." "Okay?" "Please, stop." "All right, all right." "My handsome nephew." "Auntie Quin, look at you all dolled up, huh?" "I never thought I'd live to see this day." "Well, here ya are, still here." "Where's Tony?" "Downstairs getting into one of his old suits." " I'll buy him some new suits." " He's fine." "I only wish he had more to come back to." "That ex-wife of his... she uses her answering machine to ignore me, so forget about his seeing the twins." "How's Kelly?" "How's she doing?" "Well, she's lost to us, Anthony." "But Tony says he's gonna hire a detective." "Look at this." "The two of you were so cute." "Even then, my cannoli was bigger than his." "Ooh, stop." "Aw, man." "There he is." "Ah." "God, Ton'." "Look at us." " 15 fucking years." " The language." "Go ahead say it." "I haven't changed a bit, right?" "You look good, you look good." "Say "provolone."" "Surprise!" "Shit." "Very nice, you give me a heart attack." "Ma, it's enough, all right?" "Stop crying." "I'm embarrassed enough." "I don't know what to say." "Don't say anything." "Just eat." " Oh, hey!" " Ha!" "I got peppers been marinating for 15 years!" "Hey." " What?" " Where's Tubs?" " Artie?" " Yo." " What happened here?" " Still a ball-breaker, huh?" "What the fuck's with him?" "Ask him." "You guys have a beef?" "I loaned the guy some money then he tried to kill himself." "And guess who got the blame?" "Oh my God, Tony." "My God, we have all missed you so much." "I swear, you look exactly the same." "Oh, you're still full of shit, huh?" "Is Nancy here yet?" "The twins?" "No, Nancy couldn't make it." "Her aunt in Bayonne, the sciatica." " What are you gonna do?" " Cousin!" "Jan." "Come, come, I want you to meet my family." "I'm talking to him right now." " Tony, you remember Bobby." " Oh, yeah." " Good to see you." " Now my husband." "And guys, this is your Uncle Tony Blundetto." "Hey, there." "How come we never met you before?" "I've been away on business." "I've never even heard of you." "Stop playing with your ice, come on." "They let that kid say anything." " Welcome home, Uncle Tony." " Oh, Jesus." "This is Meadow." "God, you turned out beautiful, honey." "And this strapping young man is Anthony Jr." "How's Kelly?" "Our regular dinner, out by you Thursday, right?" "Yes, Daddy." "See with my family now, you know, the separation, you gotta make an appointment to see each other." "I should go see Uncle Zio." " Yeah." " All right." " Show him the phone!" " Yeah." "Tony." "I'll make this fast 'cause I know you're all hungry." "I remember growing up, I was always asking why I just used to have sisters." "I said to my mother, I said, "Can't you save up something and then get me a baby brother?"" "And my mother said, "What's wrong with your cousin Tony?"" "And she was right, 'cause we were brothers." "Except, you know, we had the same name." "There was like 50 Tonys in the family." "Some of you remember this." "My dad's name was Johnny and his dad's name was Alfred." "And so whenever we were out running around and we'd hear" ""Tony Uncle Johnny," that was for me." "And "Tony Uncle Al," that was for him." "And there was "Tony Uncle Philly!"" " Remember?" " Right, yeah, yeah." "But he passed away..." "buon' anima." "And Uncle Phil..." "Uncle Phil, he passed away a long time ago, too." "So... anyway." "Tony's being away has been hard." "But he's back now, for good." "So welcome home." " Welcome home." " Thank you." "Salut." "Come on, let me hear it." "Welcome home!" "Welcome home!" "Tony, Meadow is incredible." "She's a fucking Ivy Leaguer." " You and Carm hit a home run." " Yeah." "I'm sure Kelly's all right, wherever she is." "Hey, her old man was in prison." "We tried to do everything we could." "I wasn't around." "What could I expect?" "If things had gone different way back when, who knows?" " What do you want from me?" " Nothing!" "I'm just saying it's good it wasn't both of us." "These things happen, right?" "You're gonna like this place." "This is nice." "This is the kind of place we always talked about having." "Fucking weird." "My cousin in the old man's seat." "It's like Sun Tizzu says..." ""A good commander is benevolent and unconcerned with fame."" " What?" " Sun Tizzu." "The Chinese Prince Machiavelli." "Tony turned me on to him." "Tzu, Tzu!" "Sun Tzu, you fucking ass-kiss." "Hey." "Feech!" "You know I missed you by two weeks at Allenwood." "This'll help you get started." "Jesus, you're on your feet already?" "You hit the ground running and you don't look back, huh?" "Thank you." "Come on." "So you in on the bus station project?" "Massarone's waiting on a number." " How's he doing?" " Good." "We had coffee." "He used to bore me, Jack." "But he ain't a bad guy once you get to know him." "I always liked him." "I was very touched by that funeral the other day." " Real heart-grabber." " That fucking little Carmine." "And after what?" "Five years in Florida fixing wet t-shirt contests." "M'boy are you fat." "What did you say?" "Reginald Van Gleason III." ""M'boy are you fat."" "That's good, yeah." "Oh!" "So I got some ideas, you know, for you." "Get you on your feet." "Unless, of course, you already know what you wanna do." " Thanks." " You're welcome." " Well, yeah." "I kinda got an idea." " Yeah?" "Like four years in I got moved to Springfield." "You know, where they got the big prison hospital." "It's mostly stab wounds, detox." "Anyway, this guy I knew from Elkton, he was telling me how I could be an orderly, you know?" "And how it's easy time and all." "Well, you know, so then you're the guy that hooks everybody up." "That's smart." "Yeah, but it wasn't business for me." "I mean I really got into this shit." "Rehab block had guys with broken limbs, muscle diseases and we'd help them back." "So, I think this might be a thing I can do." "I got my associate's degree already." "Took me five years." "And now it's only like six months more for my massage license." "So you wanna run a massage parlor?" "No." "I'm gonna be a licensed massage therapist." "Look, I've been away from all this a long time." "I mean if I got a shot at staying out and putting shit together, I should take it." "Oh." "'Cause I was thinking, you know," "I got this air-bag thing going..." "Oh, Tony, thanks, but..." "I mean it's a really nice offer, but I need regular work until I'm certified." "Just regular work." "Well, I guess I know this guy looking for... a delivery man for his linen fleet." " Bobby Gociletto?" " No, no, no, Koreans." "You know, I don't got my driver's license." "So you'll go to my guy at the DMV." "As far as the union shit, I can take care of that." "Wow, Tony." "Thanks." "Thank you." " You're the best, you know that?" " Yeah, yeah." " Out." " Why?" "Because we are watching a movie and you are studying." "And why must we keep having that conversation?" "Here it is. #1 on the American Film Institute's" "Greatest American Movies list." " "Citizen Kane."" " Jesus, it's black and white." "That is what film club is all about..." "trying new things." "Now, to give us some background, let's see what Leonard Maltin has to say." ""A film that broke all the rules and invented some new ones." "The cinematography, music and Oscar-winning screenplay by Welles and Herman J-something are all first rate."" " Wow." " So it was a sled, huh?" "He should've told somebody." "I think it's fascinating the man had all that stuff, but he died alone with nothing and nobody." "Good." "Prick." "I hated it." ""You supply the war." "I'll supply the headlines." How conceited." "There was the cinematography." "Yeah, that was very good." " Oh my God." " What?" "I saw Laura Basi in the dressing room at Loehmann's." "Definitely had some work." "D-cup at least and a lift." "Well, she said she was remodeling her upstairs." "But I had no idea." "So, Carm, how you doing?" "I'm okay." "My lawyer, he's a top guy..." "Robert Greenberg." "He says that New Jersey has this equitable distribution law." "So apparently 20 years entitles me to at least half his money." "Well, it should." "You made Tony a home, you raised his children." "Does this guy know how to get it?" "Well, it's mostly cash, obviously." "God, all those years and you could get nothing." "This other lawyer, Dan Minditch says that we should play hardball." "You know, go after the real assets." "Marriage is beautiful in the beginning, but two, three years later?" "You'd think there'd be some romance at least." "Janice, you're a newlywed." "I know." "Six months and Bobby still hasn't found my rosebud." "Maybe he should hire a reporter." "So the movie's over and they all start talking about their marriages and how miserable they are." "Bitterness." "So besides the movie night?" " You have kids?" " No." "So did you attend Carmine Lupertazzi's funeral?" "I didn't know him." "Movie night was fun, though." "Who was there at the Tony Blundetto homecoming?" "I told you, just family." "God, is that all you think about is your fucking work?" "You don't care how I feel about anything." "Okay." "I was married to an agent." "What happened?" "Did he cheat on you?" "While we were trying to get pregnant he climbed right over me to become an assistant supervisor on the Milken task force." "Moved to Los Angeles and jumped a pay grade without me." "My God, that's terrible." "So where were we?" "What am I doing?" "I can't talk to you." "I can't even talk to Christopher and he's my soul mate for God's sake." "I can't talk to my friends." "I am being ripped apart here just snitching on people." "For what?" "What do I get out of it?" "Take some comfort in the fact that you're trying to do the right thing" " by helping your government." " No, seriously." "For me, it was when I was in college." "My sister's boyfriend Kyle traded our TV for six handguns." "He sold five to a high school kid then used the last one to open a coconut." "The ricochet left my sister a paraplegic." "I knew I had to do something about guys like him." "And nowhere but the FBI is the line clearer between the good guys and the bad guys." "And you're with the good guys now." "Wow." "Jesus." " Hey." " TB." "I didn't call for no linen delivery." "What do I find at the pork store?" "A bunch of guys beating the meat." " Wanna deal me in?" " Absolutely." "Stakes might be a little high for you." "You know you can't pay us in napkins." "You got to let that dry before you put on a second coat?" "Fucking Grandpa Munster over here." "Oh!" "You gonna deal those?" "They're not candy bars." "You can let some of 'em go." "What the fuck's that for?" "Drying shirts?" "It's a Tao master massage chair." "I had no idea I was so tense." "It's like my back is on vacation." "Well, it could definitely use one." "What the fuck is this?" "Hey T, you gotta try this." "He's really fucking good." "Nothing like being in the joint to teach you how to ease another man's tensions." "Jesus Christ, I'm gone for one hour." "All of a sudden it turns into a fucking slumber party." "Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed." "Could I talk to you a minute?" "None of your fucking business which side of the bed I wake up on." "Jesus, it's just an expression." "Bullshit." "Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about." "All that Reggie Van Gleason, "M'boy are you fat."" "Things have changed around here." "I'm the boss of this fucking family." "You're crowding me." "You don't make fun of me." "Got it?" "Got it." "And knock off the massage shit." "It's a place of business, not a Jack LaLanne." "# Beauty queen of only 18... #" "You gotta declare all that?" "Most of it, anyway." "Well, if you had a good bookkeeper..." "Hey, you got change?" "Been fucking sliding this stupid bill in and out of the cigarette machine for like an hour." "An hour?" "I bet you can go longer than that." "Listen to you." "Why do you always talk like a whore?" "Because men like it." "Yeah?" "I think you're right about that." "# Somehow, I want more #" "# I don't mind spending every day #" "# Out on your corner in the pouring rain. #" "I'm telling you I'm having a fucking time." "Stay out late, come home drunk, fuck anyone I want." "Yeah, so what's the difference?" "I don't know." "It's a mindset." "Jesus Christ." "Tony, I was hoping you'd be here." "I gotta tell you, you shouldn't eat up there in Fairfield no more." "What the fuck you talking about?" "I went to collect from my cop up there and he gave me a heads up." "His buddy on the force saw some car out by Napoleon's Diner a couple of weeks ago." "And I remembered how your goomah lives up there." " Yeah?" " Guy thought maybe they were fags, but he ran the plate and it bounced back a no-hit." "Feds." "Cop said they were just sitting there in the rain." "They always do that, but I know it wasn't me they tailed that night 'cause my whole life's in the fucking rear view." " Mine, too." " Absolutely." "It's Massarone." "Aw, Jesus Christ." "If he flipped I'd be fucked." "We all would." "Well he ain't been to the grand jury, because we would have heard from our girl up there." "They could be just following him at this point, see if they could get anything on him." "Yeah, and eventually they'll bring him in." "They've turned a lot fucking tougher guys than Jack Massarone." "You want me to take care of it?" "No, we don't know shit yet, right?" "He did give me that fucking painting, though." "There was that, Tony." "Can't a guy be fucking nice anymore?" "Friendly?" "So what do you wanna do?" "I wanna be absolutely fucking sure." "That's what I wanna do." "We arrange a meet." "I'll feel him out a little bit." "I gotta do it." "I know the guy." "I know the way he thinks." "I know the way he acts." "My old man was very good at vibing people out, too." "If Massarone's up to something" "I'll pick it up." "You piece of shit." "I don't believe this." "Hold on." "Yeah." "I just wanted to thank you for taking the components out of the home theater." "Hey, I bought that for us to watch movies as a family, okay?" "Not to entertain your girlfriends." "I talked to my lawyer about filing a separation agreement." "I'm not paying a lawyer." "We should be able to settle this thing like adults!" "Then stop taking shit out of the house!" " Hey Tony, what's up?" " Let's take a walk." "There he is, huh?" "Hey, how you doing?" " Good, good." "How are you doing?" " Okay." " Everything all right?" " Yeah, watch the curb." "Hey, wait a second." "Before you say anything, have you lost a little weight?" "You think, huh?" "I don't know." "Listen, I talked to our friend." " The one that celebrates Hanukkah?" " Uh-huh." " It's in the works." " Oh great, it's good news." " Thank you." " Yeah." "Yeah." "So I been meaning to ask you you noticed anything lately?" "What are we talking about?" "You weren't followed here, were you?" "No, I..." "I don't think so." "I'm..." "I'm pretty careful." "All right." "Everything else okay, good EKG and shit, huh?" " Yeah, I guess." " All right." "But I gotta tell you, I don't like what I'm hearing." "Relax." "It's not worth losing your hair over." " Right?" " Okay." "All right." "I couldn't tell shit." "What the fuck am I, a mind reader?" "So what's the next step here, Ton'?" "What?" "Said I looked like I lost some weight." "Oh." "The motherfucker." "Yeah?" "Hey, whoa, whoa." "Take it easy." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, hold on." "That Korean..." "Kim." "Something about your cousin..." "I don't know." "Yeah?" "It's your fucking linen truck." "What do you want me to do about it?" "Yeah, yeah, it's okay." "Fire him." "Go ahead." "Put him out in the fucking street for all I care!" "If Tony B wants to pick up some scratch he could do this Massarone thing..." "if it goes." "What the fuck is wrong with you?" "!" "The man is trying to go straight." "Don't you give a fuck about your cousin?" "!" "I'm sorry, T. You're right." "That was a great party the other night." "Fuck him." "Guy is fucking useless to me." "Was that a yes on Massarone?" "Tony's got his own process." "What's to process here?" "Honestly, Carm, this is a lot better than watching "Casablanca."" "I didn't need to see that movie again anyway." "Even if it kills Tony," "I will have that system back for next time." "So what is next on that list?" "Number three..." ""The Godfather."" "Look at us." "We'll kill ourselves for these cigarettes." "You know they had a bear back here?" "So how come Angie Bonpensiero don't come?" "Please." "She's not welcome here." "I thought everybody liked her." "Don't you know about Pussy?" "He went in the program." "He turned on everybody... us, the people he knew his whole life." "Who knows why people do what they do?" "But what kind of person does that?" "I mean it's like Judas or something, eating that last supper with Jesus." "And the whole time he knows they're gonna crucify him." "I mean, at least Judas didn't go into any apostle protection program." "He hung himself." "He knew what he did." "Oh, look at you." "You're shivering." "I didn't know it was that cold, sweetie." "I'll tell you, I don't know how I'd be holding up." "It's just..." "I guess you all are really important to me." "Aw, Carm, you'd do the same." "We love you so much." "Ade, you okay?" "What's the matter?" "I'm not what you think." "I don't know what to do." "I need..." "I wanna tell you all something." "It's driving me crazy." "You know you can tell us anything." "Oh God." "She's been drinking like crazy." "Where are you going?" "Oh, my God!" "Ah!" "Honey!" "I'm fine, okay?" "Just leave me alone." "No, you're bleeding." "Let me drive you." "Ton'?" "It's like 3:00 in the morning." "Yeah, yeah." "I couldn't sleep so I wanted to see if the phone worked." "Well, yeah, it works great." "I'm in my mother's basement and I can really hear you." "Listen, you should know that... that boss there, Kim, he's after your ass." "I rub him the wrong way." "Maybe you shouldn't be a masseuse then." "Oh." "Tony, the reason I called, about the other day... look, you can kid around with me, okay?" "But not when the other guys are there." "I gotta maintain respect." "No, I know." "You're the boss." "Jesus." "See you gotta be careful what you say on this phone." "It doesn't affect you, but it affects me." "Right." "I'm sorry." "Is everything good over there?" "You know, my mom's on my case." "Who'd have thought we'd both be on our own again?" "Well, you can get back together with Carm if you want." "'Course she thinks it's up to her and she goes from zero to bitch every time" "I try to show any warmth, you know?" "That's gotta be tough." "Listen, Tony, I gotta be up in two hours." "So go to sleep." "But you're my cousin and my best friend." "You gotta know we could always talk." "Yeah, well I'll buy a fucking lunch box." "All right, go to sleep, go to sleep." "We gotta talk about my compensation overall." "Interferon for my son's MS?" "That's 20 a year now." "Right." "You said you were gonna get us a making ceremony which you didn't do." "And here you are asking for a raise." "Can't you talk to the higher-ups?" "Okay, we made Vito Spatafore as running Ralph Cifaretto's construction business." "Has Chris ever confirmed that?" " You wanna know something?" " What?" "This girl, she's totally ripping off her employer." "Probably over 100 grand." "What do you mean?" "Tina Francesco's her name." "She's a bookkeeper for this furniture wholesaler." "So she makes up vendors, but she writes them real checks." "Then her father cashes them." "Is that a federal crime?" "How many checks?" "I mean, how much?" "Like I said, probably over 100 grand." "Tina?" "Francesco." "The father's name's Victor." "It's Brettler Son'slmports." "# Hear the screams of Center 42 #" "# Loud enough to bust your brains out #" "# The opposition's tongue is cut in two #" "# Keep off the street 'cause you're in danger #" "# 100,000 disparus #" "# Lost in the jails in South America #" "# Cuddle up, baby, cuddle up tight #" "# Cuddle up, baby, keep it all out of sight #" "# Undercover, keep it all out of sight #" "# Undercover of the night #" "# The sex police are out there on the streets #" "# Make sure the pass laws are not broken #" "# The race militia has got itchy fingers #" "# All the way from New York back to Africa #" "# Cuddle up, baby, keep it all out of sight #" "# Cuddle up, baby, sleep with it all out of sight #" "# Cuddle up, baby, keep it all out of sight. #" "# You woke up this morning #" "# Got yourself a gun #" "# Your momma always said you'd be the Chosen One #" "# She said you're..." "you're one in a million #" "# You've got to burn to shine #" "# But you were born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" "# When you woke up this morning #" "# And all that love had gone #" "# Your papa never told you about #" "# Right and wrong #" "# But you're..." "you're lookin' good, baby #" "# I believe that you're feelin' fine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" " # So sing it now # - # Woke up this morning #" "# Got a blue moon..." "got a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" "# You say you woke up this morning #" "# The world turned upside down #" "# Lordy, well, things ain't been the same #" "# Since the blues walked in our town #" "# But you're... but you're one in a million #" "# 'Cause you got that shotgun shine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" " # Uh-huh # - # And got yourself a gun #" " # Woke up this morning # - # Got yourself a gun #" " # Uh-huh # - # Got yourself a gun. #" "# Every night it's the same #" "# I hear your heart turn cold as rain #" "# And although you'll be gone again #" "# I hear the front door close #" "# You say you got to go downtown #" "# I guess there's someone else you found #" "# So why you're still comin' round #" "# Heaven only knows #" "# Heaven only knows just why #" "# Lovin' you should make me cry #" "# Make me feel like I could die #" "# That's the way it goes #" "# Heaven only ever sees #" "# How love's made a fool of me #" "# I guess that's how it's meant to be #" "# But heaven only knows. #" "AJ!" "Jesus, Meadow, chill out!" "Inevitably, Sukanya, what goes in must comes out." "And these people now being released from prison were jailed during the big mafia crackdowns of the 1980s?" "Seems like yesterday, doesn't it?" "For years we heard how law enforcement broke the back of the mob." "Well, they've served their time." ""It's the old never-ending battle against crime and corruption,"" " to quote Superman." " What do you think is gonna happen with this infusion of new blood?" "We could be looking at a period of potentially violent struggle." " They gonna paint everything' the worst." " How long till dinner?" " Any familiar names?" " In New York, the only old-style boss still in place is Carmine Lupertazzi." "He'll soon be rejoined by Angelo Garepe, his former consigliere." "Also Philip Leotardo, long-time Lupertazzi captain." "Can you help me here?" "Crush some ice?" " I'll be right there." " New Jersey's a better case in point." "You've got Michele "Feech" La Manna, released just this week, a man greatly feared" " and respected in the '70s." " Amen to that." "Similar situation with Anthony Blundetto in that same" " Jersey crime family, the Sopranos." " Oh!" " Let me see how he looks." "...still is as far as I know." "28 years old when he went away." "A rising star." "Thought to be the central suspect in the car-bomb killing of Thomas Gilardi and his driver." "That's the best picture they could find?" "He was a fox." "Will you pipe down?" "We're tryin' to watch." "It's my house, Tony." " What are you watching?" " Go call your brother for dinner." " Bobby!" " Be nice to have him back, huh?" " Your cousin?" " Missed the shit out of him." "The older you are, the more you're entitled to eat." "Hi, sorry." " Where the hell you been?" " Your mother didn't send anything?" "She wasn't even home." "Her and Aunt Ro went out to dinner, I think." "Everybody sit!" "Now please." "This is great of you, Aunt Jan, keeping the Sunday dinner tradition going." "Can you get the roast out of the oven?" " Canned clam chowder?" " Go sit, God damn it." " Oh, shit." " What?" "My wedding ring." " Goin' to strap on the bag, Ton'?" " Yeah." "Would you say this is an interesting point in the history of the mafia?" "I'd say we're looking at a great year for crime reporters, Sukanya." " Anthony!" " What?" "I wanna say hello." "Wh... can you stop a minute?" " How was dinner?" " Fine." " What'd you have?" " Roast beef." "Did your father pick up his mail when he dropped you off?" "No, he didn't come in." "He was tired." "He said he just wanted to go to bed." "I'm trying to practice." "I see you didn't bring the power vac in from the pool house like I asked." "Why does that even have to be done?" "Grandpa's still gonna have to lift it into his truck." "I don't want him to have to drag it from all the way out back." "# It's so nice to have a man around the house. #" "You should've thought about that before." "What did you say?" "Go out and get that vacuum, now!" "What did I just say?" "!" "Go!" "Mommy!" "Oh my God." "Mommy, help!" "Mommy!" "Mom." "Mommy." "AJ, be quiet, don't move." "Mommy?" "Mommy!" "Go get Dad's gun!" "It's all the way in the dining room!" "Hey, go away!" "Go!" "Hey!" "Get outta here!" "Go!" "How's the olive loaf?" "You know what I like?" " I like the Gulden's Brown Mustard." " Are you leaving?" "Yeah, I got a overseas call comin' at home." "Finish your sandwich, at least, first." " Oh, yeah, yeah, no." " Sheesh." "Could be the same one from Willow Drive." "God." "The most densely populated state in the country," " and still this." " Gone." "He went through your neighbor's garbage, though, the Kalcheims?" "It's been goin' on all over." "If my son had been alone..." "You're not gonna put your trash cans out until as close to pick-up time as possible." " You hear that?" " Put ammonia or bleach in the container and on the lid." "I posted a notice for your neighbors." "If this had been a category two, injury or serious property damage," " we could set traps, but not for this." " God." "You should've busted a cap in his ass with Dad's rifle." "It's illegal to discharge firearms within the borough limits." " You're gonna call Dad, aren't you?" " No." "The great percentage of them don't come back." "If he does..." "call us." "Oh, do you have bird feed back there?" "Ah, duck food, yes, my husband's." "It's probably what attracted the animal." "See, the corn's gotten damp and aromatic." "You might wanna tell your husband to put it inside." "Right." "Setting up the equipment is a complicated affair." "Video cameras with built-in recorders..." " Then the car that he qualifi..." " Hello." "Mmm." "I'm Dr. Lowenstein." " Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Go back." " What?" " Come on." " You're kidding." "No, go back, please!" " Why don't you come in?" " I like Nolte." " Why didn't you tell me last night?" " I'm sorry." "That's a long story, let's just skip it." "I'll try to think of a better one." " What's bothering you?" " Global warming, acid rain, the national debt?" "Never even know what's goin' on." "Look at her nails, totally real." " You weren't paying attention." " Let's face it, women are more devious than men." "One of my therapists was a woman." "Too bad you didn't get all your talkin' done with her." "You expect a man to be a tower of strength." "Then when it turns out he's got a few weaknesses and some insecurities, what do you do?" "You turn around and you betray him!" "So you feel that your mother betrayed you?" "Doggone, I hate this Freudian crap." "It's not your job to listen to my problems anyway!" "If you don't mind, I'd like to go." " You're free to leave anytime you want." " Good!" "Goddamn shrink." " Who was I kiddin'?" " What are you smiling at?" " I was a champion..." " Nothin', I don't know." " You have this goofy look on your face." " Come on." "...until Susan Lowenstein came along." "Her questions makin' me as dizzy as her perfume." " Jennifer Melfi?" " Yes?" "So we open the fuckin' trunk, this suffocatin' Russian cocksucker pops up!" "He's still alive!" "We lead him through the snow." "This asshole's shivering'... he's wearin' fuckin' pajamas and slippers in like 8° weather." " Hey!" " Ho!" " Here he is." " How you doin'?" " Fellas?" " The B?" " Hey, Ton'." " Radio on the way in." " Another incident at the airport." " Fuckin' assholes." "I gotta make a couple calls." "Anyway, he starts running', the Russian." "Boom!" "I'm tellin' you the top of his head came off like a fuckin' bad rug." "What a beating we had to give this prick, ooh Madonn'." " Where is he now?" " Who the fuck cares, right, Chrissie?" " Who the fuck knows?" " Poor bastard." "Never would've happened if Paulie hadn't initially overreacted, but it's one for the books." "What do you mean overreacted?" "You choked him with the lamp, Paulie, or we could've got" "Silvio shcarole without havin' to spend the night in the open." "You let him jab you with that shovel was the problem." "Lets his guard down." "We would've caught up to the prick" " if you didn't lose your fuckin' shoe!" " Wait, you lost your shoe?" "You didn't tell us about that." ""Chrissie, please, don't leave me out here."" "You little cocksucker!" "I covered your ass with Tony about that whole thing, and never a word of fuckin' thanks, ever!" "Always playing' that blood-relation card." " Tony's little favorite." " Fuck you!" " What?" " Come on!" "Come on." "What the fuck?" "That was a good story, damn it." "Tellin' you right now... it's finished with us." " Goodbye, Dr. Melfi." " See you next week." " Hello?" " Like the flowers?" "And yeah, before you ask, I am takin' the medication." "How are you, Anthony?" "It's been a long time." "I'm great, actually." "You?" "Thank you for that beautiful arrangement." "I see you haven't lost your sense of humor." "You gotta have a sense of humor in life, right?" " You taught me that." " And how is life?" "Good, good." "Well, I'm separated, me and Carmela." " I'm sorry to hear that." " Don't be," "Well, I always thought I saw some good things there." "Two healthy kids, other than that... look, the reason I called..." "I'd like you to have dinner with me." "Since we're not in therapy no more and I'm a bachelor again..." "That's very thoughtful of you." "Unfortunately, because of our prior clinical relationship," " I just can't do it." " What, eat?" " You must be a toothpick." " You know what I mean." "See, I knew you were gonna say somethin' like that." "I can't, Anthony, I'm sorry." "You know, I waited a respectable period or whatever" " before makin' this call." " Then you realize yourself there's something not quite right about us dating." "No, I'm not undeterred by this." " We will talk again." " Thank you for the flowers." " And the detergent." " And the detergent." "Of course, what's wrong with me?" "I don't know, but we'll find out." "Leave it to Dr. Tony." " What's the matter?" " The bear." "Stay there!" "Oh, right, lock the door." "What, do you think he's gonna wipe his feet, too?" "He'll smash through the glass." "Now where is that guy's card?" "I don't know." "You've reached Fish and Game." " If you know the extension..." " Unbelievable." "If not, press zero for directory." "Hello?" "!" "For hunting and fishing licenses, press two." "You get a letter from my cousin in the can?" "Yes, Officer Zmuida, hi." "Yes, Mrs. Soprano from North Caldwell?" " We had the bear in our yard." " What the fuck?" " You're the guys with the pool?" " Yes, it came back." " Was anybody hurt?" " No, thank God." " Property damage?" " No property damage either I could see, but I didn't really wanna go out there." "Oh, one of those Eastern black bears?" " We'll be up in about an hour." " Yes, that'd be great," " Okay, we'll be here." " All right, see you then." "Jesus Christ, when did this happen?" "The first time Sunday night, and I saw it again just now." "AJ didn't even mention it to you" " when you two went to the game?" " No!" "I have to warn the Cusamanos." "They keep Esterhaz chained up along the side there." "That bear will rip him to pieces." "Cusamanos weren't home." "Got the machine." "Well, I don't see Esterhaz." "Why didn't you call me when this first happened?" "I called the cops." "They called Fish and Game." "Are you tryin' to prove you're independent?" "This isn't "Little House on the Prairie." Those things are dangerous." "The ranger, whatever, said it was your duck food out there that attracted it." "I never heard of that happening before." "Trapper Joe over here." "Hmm." "We didn't find a spoor." "I was just tellin' the gentleman the animal still doesn't meet" " the parameters for removal." " Oh, Jeez." "So, when somebody's leg is gone..." "Problem is it hasn't really threatened anybody." "Sorry." "Whoa, whoa, hold on a minute." "You and your pal buy some new... lanyards for your whistles." "Oh, we can't accept that." "And we don't have whistles." "Thanks, though." "Ranger Rick's a little light in the timberlands, huh?" "Everybody's always gay with you." "He's a good-looking guy, that's all." "I already put the ammonia on the cans," "I told you." "Look, I came here to give you your money, but... this bear thing, though, I'm..." "I'm..." "I'm worried." "You and AJ here by yourselves." "What can we do?" "You want coffee?" "Last time it had a weird taste." "The coffeemaker is shot." "The heating element is corroded, I told you." "That's not the problem." "You don't need another one." "Last month, it was the upstairs toilet." "Basta." "He goes down the street to Willow Drive, too, maybe he'll stay down there." "All right, look, you and AJ, you check yourself into a hotel until this thing blows over." "Here's 1,200 extra on top of our agreement." " I'm not going to a hotel." " Why not?" "I don't wanna break Anthony's routines." "He'll get a kick out of it." "It's an adventure." "God knows he loves room service." "Yeah, I'll give him room service..." "the end of my foot." "What's with the attitude?" "Well, he's an asshole, that's what." " So what?" "It's his age." " Yeah, thank you, I know." "But you buy him too much stuff," "I think because you feel guilty about the separation." "Excuse me." "It wasn't my idea." "There is more than one way to ask for something." " Could we please not?" " Spend $5,000 on a set of drums..." "SAT tutor, coffeemaker, I gotta fight you tooth and nail." "All I said was I wanna see statements from the tutor or he doesn't get paid!" "He's a college kid, Tony, he's not set up for that." "You worried he's gonna soak you for an extra pencil?" "Oh, rimshot!" "What I think, Tony, is you're trying to make my life now as hard on me financially as possible." " Oh, it should be easy." " Unbelievable." "What do you think, you're the only Catholic here?" "I'm old school." "I don't believe in this separation shit and divorce, even if my wife was going after some fucking immigrant!" "Yet you are modern enough to use a cell phone to call Italy and every other fucking place to threaten the guy's life." "Oh, that's right." "Certain people see him," " he's a dead man." " He had coffee here, Tony, that's all." "And now the coffeemaker sucks." "How do you like them apples?" "You don't wanna stay at a hotel, you suit yourself." "This is Anthony." "Could you call me at 973-555-1299?" "I'm thinking maybe I gotta come back, you know, for therapy." " Smells good, Feech." " Yeah?" " You want a taste?" " Nah, I'll wait." "No offense, kid, but don't look to me like you do a lot of waiting." "Just like his old man, huh?" "Lotta changes since you went away, huh?" "20 years, Madonn'." "Know what the biggest change for me is?" "Broads shaving their bushes." "I went over to Silvio's, it's like the Girl Scouts over there." "I think I'll let this simmer a bit." "Must be different in the can now, not like the old days." "Fuckin' animals." "It's all about setting a precedent." "First day there, I walk in a mess," "I'm wearin' a puss, a fuckin' scowl." "I look around..." "My nephew." "Right in the middle of my story!" "There he is, the man, the legend," "Feech La Manna." "Hey, my God look at you!" "You big galoot!" "What'd you go straight from the joint to Earl Scheib?" "Look at this fucking tan." "You close the cellar door when you came up?" "It's like the Bowery Boys in here with this house arrest here." "Code words and secret passages." " He's in the middle of a story." " When isn't he?" "Hey." "It's day one, I'm in the mess," "I look around and I spot the biggest, blackest motherfucker that I can find." "Everybody's looking at me and I walk right up to him and I say," ""What the fuck are you looking at?" He says, "What?"" "I said, "You heard me, motherfucker." "What the fuck are you looking at?" "!"" "With that, I hit him!" "Bam!" "Right across the fucking coconut!" "He goes down, I'm on top of him." "Everybody around!" "He gets some shots in." "Everybody's going fucking crazy!" "The screws, this guy, everybody!" ""Motherfucker!"" "From that time on, nobody so much as looks at me cross-eyed!" " Well, welcome home, huh?" " Cent'anni." " Welcome home." " Welcome home." "The reason I wanted to see you, Junior, Tony too, now that I'm out, I'd like to get back in the game." "What'd you have in mind?" "You know me, I'm an entrepreneur." "Get my shy going, sports book, whatever you say." "As long as you don't step on anybody's toes." "Me?" "I'm Fred Astaire." "What's this Feech tells me, you got a bear up there at the house?" "What, it's on fucking CNN?" "No, it's just that your wife's up there, and the kids... your ex-wife, whatever." "It's just that wild animals, they're dangerous." "People talk." "What people?" "Who?" "I don't know." "What am I supposed to do, go up there personally and set fucking bear traps?" "We're separated, for Christ's sake." "So, where's the dinner at?" "Oh, I forget the name." "It's in the car." "Who's gonna be there?" "What are you, on the school paper?" "Guys." "It's business." " You got any cash?" " Some." "Hand me my bag." " That's all you got?" " It's like $400." "I'm low man tonight, I gotta pay for everybody." "You know, this is fucking ridiculous, Christopher." "Why should you get stuck all the time?" "You should make Paulie pay." "What, I make the rules now?" "Guy's a captain." "I know, but when he was in jail..." "All's I'm saying is if you get the extra responsibilities, you should get the benefits, too." "You're right." "I'll say hello to the guys from you." "Benny, hi!" "Come on in." "Tony sent me." "He says he wants somebody stationed in the yard." " He's worried the bear might come back." " What?" " No, I don't want this." " We'll switch off," " me and Paulie Germani." " This is silly, I'm gonna call him." "Actually, it's not that silly, Mrs. S." "If it was my family, I'd wanna know there was a male at the house, too." "What can you do about it if it does come back?" "Tony said you should unlock the closet," " give me the "shkupit" he called it." " Oh, for God's sake." "We'll call the Fish and Game, too." "It's just..." "I'll have the weapon in case." "He's just worried about you, that's all." "And Anthony." "Okay, I don't know." "You're very nice to do this." "Nice got nothing to do with it." "Stay inside." "You don't have to sit out there like a fistful of dollars." "Tony said not in the house." "I got my little Sony in the car." "You want something to eat?" "We were just about to sit down." "Nah, I'm good." "I just stopped at Tio Pepe's." "This freaking olive oil." "The food's drenched." "That's the reason it happened." "As far as fucking bears are concerned?" "I say get rid of them all." "They had their turn, and now we got ours." "That's why dinosaurs don't exist no more." " Wasn't it a meteor?" " They're all meat eaters." " Meteor, meteor." " Take it easy." "Gentlemen, whenever you're ready." " All right, are we set?" " Yeah, sure." "What are you doing, you ready?" "I gotta make a pit stop." "Eh, you forgetting something?" "You get it." "I got the last one." "Here, baby, have some more cheesecake." "The other thing with bears is: if you're ever chased by one, run downhill." " For some reason, they can't do that." " It's the moss." "They attack when you're having your period, too." "No, no, that's jungle cats." " So can we go?" " Hold your horses." " What's goin' on, we ready or what?" " Yeah." " Fine, I'll get it." " Gimme the fucking thing." " I said I'll get it." " Enough." "It's done." " $860.00." " What?" "You heard me." "That's what you owe from last night." "You said, you got it." "I only got like $100 on me, anyways." "Then get the rest by tonight or you start paying points." "I'm thinking of going for the acupuncture." " What, your shoulder again?" " Those long drives." " It's already tender." " Next time, we get you out there." "After 18 years in the can, I'm just happy to be outside." "What, they don't have a golf course at Leavenworth?" "Still a smart ass, this one." "Carmine, you all right?" "You barely touched your egg salad." "Too much gherkins." "You smell that?" " What?" " Burning hair." "I smell cut grass." " Any word on your cousin getting out?" " Who's your cousin again?" " Tony Blundetto." " Oh, yeah, good guy." "Right, right." "He was my best buddy inside." " So you gonna give him a party?" " When he get home, get him laid." "What's the matter, Carmine?" " Carmine?" " Jesus Christ!" " Call an ambulance." " Yes, sir." "Is he breathing?" " Get that egg salad out of his mouth." " Hurry up!" " Lupertazzi residence." " Carmine, it's John." "Hey, John boy, how's the weather?" "Look, I got some bad news." "Your dad's had a stroke." " Oh my God, how bad?" " There's some paralysis." "It's too early to tell yet." "They're doing everything they can." " Is my mom there?" " I just called her, she's on her way." "We're over at St. Vincent's." "Anything, John, anything he needs." "I'm on the next plane." "Sad, this shit, huh?" "I wonder if I can smoke in here." "You know, I haven't forgotten our arrangement last year, you leaving me in the lurch like that." "It was the right thing to do, John." "Taking out a boss?" "Come on." " Even still." " What do you want, an apology?" "Fucking Whitman Sampler, what?" "Boy, imagine if his fucking speech is affected." "Poor bastard." "When you're up at the house, who comes to visit?" "Anybody?" "Mostly Rosalie Aprile, Sil's wife." "Who calls on the phone?" "Most of the calls seem to be for Anthony." "So...?" "Look, the real reason I'm here is to confront you in a positive way about taking our relationship in that other direction." "Why did you have to be underhanded?" "I don't find that appealing, frankly." "I was gonna ask you out for coffee or something, but I didn't think you'd go." "I'll pay for the hour, that goes without saying." "Forget that." "I was listening to that guy on TV, Dr. Phil?" "And he was talking about a similar situation and he said that you could, if you wanted to." "There's no set rules." "It's basically about malpractice," " and you probably couldn't get sued." " That's not the point." "Look, I was thinking about all kinds of moves..." ""Buy her a piece of jewelry." "Pay the guy to close down the restaurant where she eats lunch and hire a mandolin player."" "This is the place where we've been most honest with each other." "And that's the way I always liked it." "So that being said, if you don't like me personally, or the cut of my jib, or my face, or whatever, then the matter will end here and I will never ask you again." "You can be honest." "I like you, Anthony." "And, no, you have a very nice face." " Working on the weight, too." " Good." "Explain to me, okay, why this is a matter of such importance to you." "There must be plenty of women out there." "You're different from what's out there, not to mention being drop-dead beautiful." "My training teaches me to go fairly quickly to the idea that what you really want is to come back to therapy." "Jesus Christ Almighty, come on, will you?" "!" "Your marriage of 20-something years has collapsed, no doubt there are issues with your children." "Why can't I do something that's just for me for a change?" "It would be for you." "All right, well, I want you." "And not just for the smart things you say." "I-I-I want..." "I want your skin." "I want your mouth." "I want your eyes." "You project all these qualities onto me." "You don't know me." "This is what happens between doctor and patient." "Don't do that." "Outta respect for this office." "You know, forget about the way that Tony Soprano makes his way in the world, that's just to feed his children." "There's two Tony Sopranos." "You've never seen the other one." "That's the one I wanna show to you." " Hi." " Hi." " l..." "I wonder if I could use the WC?" " Of course, come on in." " Yeah, okay." " Is it cold out?" "Yeah, a little, but I got a fleece." "I know him, he'll just keep coming back and coming back." "How to let him down easy, I..." " Think it's worth telling the police?" " What?" "Jesus, Elliot." "I don't want to paint in somber tones here, but the man is a sociopath, unpracticed in not getting what he wants." "And now, since the therapy is kaput, what use are you to him except for sex?" "Thank you, Elliot." "Your depth of feeling is really quite extraordinary here." "All you could come up with was this weak borscht about professional ethics, because you are worried about how this thug will handle rejection." "You know, at first" "I did find him a little sexy... dangerous, alpha male... but as year followed year, the ugliness I saw, I heard..." "You kept him a long time, though." "There's a mutual sympathy there of some kind, I guess." "Maybe it's just the Italian thing." " Sil said you were looking for me?" " Sit down." "This about the Easter baskets?" "I don't even know what that is, and, to tell you the truth, I don't wanna know." "Now what's this shit between you and Paulie?" " You chiseled him out of a dinner?" " I chiseled him?" " He said that?" " I asked you a question." "Can I say something in my own defense?" "It's not right that I have to pay all the time." "I've been paying for fucking years." "You done?" "Good." "You pay till I tell you you don't have to pay no more." "And don't give me that face." "You know how many tabs, how many dinners I picked up over the years?" "I got Richie Aprile, fat fucking Jerry Anastasia." "Those guys killed me at Benihana's." "And forget it, if they want a steak." "I put a new wing on Peter Luger's." "Brandy, cigars, champagne." "Could've bought a fucking plane." "I hear you, Ton', but that was before inflation..." "Whatever." "It's tradition." "It's like in ancient times, the samurais, they had these pages... young boys that did their errands, washed their clothes, shit like that." "It's a sign of respect." "Why don't you cheer up?" "One day, some kid'll be paying for your dinners." "Atlantic City loves its oldies on Oldies 98.3." "# Now that you're gone... #" "So the Pope says, "Just-a one-a more thing:" "She gotta have-a big-a tits."" "Oh, man!" "That was good!" "You okay, Ton'?" "You're being like a little quiet." "Yeah, yeah." "I'm just..." "I'm full, that's all." "Calm before the storm." "Get him near those crap tables and look out." "Jesus, I'm stuffed." "I can't remember the last time I ate this much." "Sure youse don't want no dessert?" " Not for me." " I'm good." "Thank you." " Thanks." " Enjoy it, girls." "I been enjoying looking at youse the whole night." " Get some fucking glasses." " We gotta go." "All right, I'll see you over at the $100 table." " Yeah." " Right." "Ton', you sure you're all right?" "You got a big moose on." "It's a fucking broad, believe that?" "Really?" "You mean...?" " It's the real deal, I think." " No shit, huh?" "See?" "The thing is, we got this platonic thing going." "We have had for many years." "She thinks that's what it is, but it's not, and no amount of convincing will change her mind." " So she was a... friend." " Yeah." "They're wrapping up a lobster roll for me to take to Ginny." " We'll see you's over there." " Yeah." " Anything else, gentlemen?" " We're good." "My friend here'll take the check, though." "Have a wonderful evening." "# Let's get it on #" "1184." "Oh... babe." "I gotta play that number." "Hmm, I'm gonna go wash up." "# We're all sensitive people #" "# With so much love to give. #" "I'll tell you, after a meal like that, what I could use is a nice piece of ass." "Who knows, maybe I'll call down, have them send one up to the room." "Why don't you just fuck yourself?" "Save a little money." " What's your problem?" "!" " Stop trying to bait me." " You know what my fucking problem is!" " No, why don't you tell me?" "You want me to tell you?" "Fine!" "Steaks, 3 lb. -lobsters, the shrimp fucking cocktails you made everybody get." "Then on top of everything else, you send those skanks a bottle of Cristal?" "I was being a gentleman." "You oughtta try it some time." "Not to mention the Lyonnaise fucking potatoes you didn't even touch." " What?" "!" "I lost my appetite." " Fuck you!" " Excuse me?" " You fucking heard me!" "I'm telling you, I don't give a fuck anymore who you're related to." "Go ahead, Paulie." "Go for it." "Your big fucking moment." " You little fuck..." " Excuse me, gentlemen." "Was there a problem with the service?" " What are you talking about?" " You left me $16, sir." " Perhaps you miscounted." " There's 1200 bucks in there." "That's correct, and the bill was $1184." "Assuming you don't tip on tax or alcohol, 15%..." "I'm tapped out." "You think this job is easy?" "I have kids." "Then go back inside before you get hurt." " I have a goddamn family to support." " Fuck off." "Yeah, right." "Go piss it away at blackjack," " fucking assholes!" " Oh!" "What do you gotta say now?" "Chrissie, he's fucked up." "Don't they have medicine they're supposed to take, these assholes?" "I don't know." "He'll say we hit him with a brick." "He's still going, this asshole." "That's my money, Paulie!" "How's he doing?" "I love him so much and I can't do shit." "We're all praying for him." "You know, you were another son to him." " Yeah?" " You get some sleep?" "Yeah, a little, you know." " Fucked up, huh?" " What are you gonna do?" "I'm not too worried about the cops." "Nobody knows us down there." "The reason I called." "Let's bury the hatchet, you and me." "All this bullshit with us." "I know, I know, it's stupid." "Life's too short, Chrissie." "You can't waste it fighting with your friends." "Look what could've happened last night." "One of us could've got hurt or even killed for Christ's sake." " I know." " You're special to me, you know." " Always have been." " You, too, Paulie... to me." "We'll split the tab." "I'm sorry, Paulie." "I apologize too, kid." "I'll talk to you later." "When you say that, you make me feel... less than." "Next week, everyone." "Good luck." " I'm going outta town next week." " Okay." "Good night." "Anthony." " Hello." " Hey." "A friend of mine had these." "I'll see you next week." "Like I was saying, a friend of mine had these and couldn't use them." "I figured, well... maybe we could." "Tickets, Bermuda, lodging at the Elbow Beach Hotel." "I turned down a wonderful dinner invitation, and you think I'll go away with you?" "Well, the guy couldn't use them and... you know, he gave them to me." "What do you want me to do, throw them away?" "Come on, I'm breaking out the big guns here." "You're turning me into half a stalker." "Listen, Anthony, I'm..." "I'm not going to go out with you, okay?" "And it's not because you're unattractive or I don't think I would have a good time, it's just something I'm not going to do." "And I would like you to respect my decision, and just try to feel that I know what's right for me." "Okay?" "But it's not just the... psychiatric ethics stuff, is it?" "I wanna preserve the option for you that you could always come back to our work, if you wish." "And that we could pick up where we've left off." "I don't think you get this, I want you!" "And that's very flattering to me." "I'm not interested in flattering you." " I know you're not." " All right, then what is it?" "Okay, what is it?" "Just... help me understand it, okay?" "You know, Anthony, during therapy I..." "I never judged you or your behavior." "It's not the place of a therapist to do so." "All right, I get all this." "Go, go." "In a personal relationship," "I don't think I could sit silent." "About what?" "Our values are..." " just very different." " You don't like my values?" " Honestly?" " Yeah." "No." "Okay." "Like what?" " It's getting late, I..." " No, no, no." "Come on." "It's okay, it's okay." "Well... you're not a truthful person." "You're not respectful of women." "You're not really respectful of people." " I don't love people?" " Maybe you love them, I don't know." "You take what you want from them by force or the threat of force." "I couldn't live like that." " I couldn't bear witness to violence..." " Fuck you!" "You're a fucking cunt!" "Oh." "How come Benny's not outside?" "He just got here, he's going out." "Where is he?" "He's in your office on the phone with his girlfriend." "Hey, Ton', how's it going?" "You can take the night off." "I'll spell you." "No, no, no, Ton', that's all right, it's okay, really." "I'll take over, okay, for tonight." "Okay, well..." "night, Mrs. S." "Good night, Benny, thank you." " You want coffee?" " No." "# I'm gonna turn and walk away #" "# There's nothing left for me to say #" "# It wouldn't change things anyway #" "# Oh, I suppose #" "# The love I gave was always true #" "# Well, I don't know what else to do #" "# And how I'll ever get over you #" "# Heaven only knows #" "# Heaven only knows just why #" "# Loving you should make me cry #" "# Make me feel like I could die #" "# That's the way it goes #" "# Heaven only ever sees #" "# How love's made a fool of me #" "# I guess that's how it's meant to be #" "# But heaven only knows #" "# Heaven only knows just why #" "# Loving you should make me cry #" "# Make me feel like I could die #" "# But that's the way it goes #" "# Heaven only ever sees #" "# How love's made a fool of me #" "# I guess that's how it's meant to be #" "# But heaven only knows. #" "# You woke up this morning #" "# Got yourself a gun #" "# Your momma always said you'd be the Chosen One #" "# She said you're..." "you're one in a million #" "# You've got to burn to shine #" "# But you were born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" "# When you woke up this morning #" "# And all that love had gone #" "# Your papa never told you about #" "# Right and wrong #" "# But you're..." "you're looking good, baby #" "# I believe that you're feeling fine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" " # So sing it now # - # Woke up this morning #" "# Got a blue moon..." "got a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" "# You say you woke up this morning #" "# The world turned upside down #" "# Lordy, well, things ain't been the same #" "# Since the blues walked in our town #" "# But you're... but you're one in a million #" "# 'Cause you got that shotgun shine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" " # Uh-huh # - # And got yourself a gun #" " # Woke up this morning # - # Got yourself a gun #" " # Uh-huh # - # Got yourself a gun. #" "Here he is, Mr. Clean." " Want some coffee?" " Where's your dirties?" "I'll get 'em." "What?" "I don't know." "It's... it's... it's hard seeing you like this." "What, working, with a real job?" "It's like I've been telling Feech, it's been a long strange trip." "Feech?" "Anyway, it's the luck of the draw, that shit." "Could've just as easily been me that went away." "Come on, I was gonna be there that night of the hijack." "Well, it ain't like you came away totally unscathed." "No, a couple of goons jumped me and cut my head open." "I couldn't go." "Still..." "They could've killed ya." "You ended up in the E.R." "Got 16 stitches." "You got 15 years." "You always were a lucky fuck." "Well, that's not completely true." "I got a lotta sorrows in my life." "Like him for example." "Thanks for lunch." "Stick with me, kid, I'll have ya eating lunch like that every day." "I'm serious about this massage therapy." "Well, you should keep a square job like that for appearances." "Look at me with the bakery." "I told my cousin I wanna stay a civilian." "Ah, yes." "The boy king." "Can I trust you if I talk to you frankly about him?" " What are you doing?" " I gotta make a stop." "What the fuck you doing?" " Excuse me?" " What the fuck are you doing?" "I'm trimming a lawn." "My nephew does the lawns in this neighborhood." "I been working this neighborhood for 26 years." "Are you fucking deaf?" "I said my nephew has this area," " Gary La Manna." " Fuck off, huh?" "I'm busy here." "You want me to fuck off?" "!" "How about I fuck off all over your stupid fucking face, you fucking mutt?" "Huh?" "You don't work this neighborhood!" "Jesus Christ, we're on parole." "What the fuck you doing?" "Anthony said the cable box has to be on." "It's on, I'm doing it." "But let me tell ya, our glass house couples could probably decorate in about 24 hours." "They have to, each week." "Tony's whole life was horses..." " No, it's not her." " That's Judy!" " No, it's not Judy!" " The fuck?" " Yes, it is, of course it is." " Why am I on there?" " What?" " Holy shit." "I've seen Judy!" " That's not you." " What's that, my trial?" "...know the eyes." " No, I do know the eyes..." "Come on!" "I've seen my daughter call her Judy!" " Sweet Judy Brown Eyes..." " That's Bobby." "What the fuck is this?" "Junior, it's not you, it's a TV program, a movie." "Judy, what?" "Ton', he's here." " Tony, hey, thanks for seeing me." " How are ya?" "How are you?" "You want something?" "Coffee, bialy?" "No, I'm good, thank you." "What's on your mind?" "Well, honestly, I'll get right to the point." "As regards to your uncle, 'cause of the promotion and all," "I kinda thought I'd be out on the street more." "Staying off the street nowadays is a good thing, no?" " It's a joke." " I know, I mean I'm not complaining." "It's just it's over a year, and I'm still" " picking up prescriptions." " What do ya need, money?" "All I want is a chance to earn." "I mean, I'm happy to do it, it's just 40 minutes" "I spent at Rite Aids yesterday getting him some stool softener that was on sale." "With Jan and the kids to feed now..." "How's she doing anyways, my sister?" "She sleeps a lot." "It's hard." "Still with the Epstein-Barr, huh?" "It's tough on her." "I don't know... two kids, a ready-made family." "She's prone to depression, frankly." "Mmm." "I mean, not that I have any regrets." "No, no, course not, she's a good kid." "Look, Bobby, marriage... or any partnership for that matter, is a give and a take." "All right, look." "I hear what you're saying, but the truth is I depend on you." "Beppy, Tommy..." "come on." "You're the only one I can trust over there." "And believe it or not, it's important to me that he's cared for." "All right, let me figure out how to take care of you." "Maybe you could make more collections or something." "Thanks, Ton'." "I appreciate it." "Yeah, all right." "All right." "And Friday we have fish, if you're Catholic, so that's nice." "Sounds like the Ritz." "Ya gotta see her, Aunt Mary, she's the belle of the ball over there." "Here, Ma, rest those dogs." "Hey, what's going on?" "Nobody cutting the lawn?" "Oh, Madonn'." "Mr. Vitro, the gardener, somebody beat him up, broke his arm." " God forbid." " Sal Vitro?" " Who beat him up?" " Some men in a Cadillac." "He was mowing a lawn on Kimball Street." "The man said he didn't want him in the neighborhood." "Poor Sal, what a nice man he is." "He put my garbage cans out every time he cut my grass." "What's his name, Aunt Mary?" " Salvatore Vitro." " Ma, the guy that beat him up." "Man came by and said he was gonna cut the lawns." "I said, "No, I want Mr. Vitro."" ""E. Gary La Manna, Landscaping."" " Do you know him?" " Eat your scones." "I'll straighten it out." "95.5, WPLJ in Brooklyn." " Sorry, we're not open." " What, not open?" "A man in your position turning away fucking business now?" "I didn't know it was you, Lorraine." "Here ya go." "That's most of it." "Let me ask you a question, Dan." "Say I'm some big nigger standing here instead of a woman, you still gonna tell me you got most of it?" "Let's go, chop-chop, pay the woman." "Phil, hey." "I was just thinking about you." "Those Islander tickets, right?" "How about this humidity?" "Hey!" "Hey!" " Guys, please, whatever this is..." " Shut up." "Two times you were told to kick up to fucking Johnny Sack." "And what do you do?" "You kick up to Little Carmine?" " Tape her." " No!" "No!" "Little Carmine, he was my father's friend!" "Philly, Joey, look..." "okay, okay, okay." "You're right, I'm sorry." "I'll pay you, okay?" "I'll do anything you want." "I'll suck your cock, okay?" "All of you guys!" " You'll suck our cocks?" " Yeah!" "She any good?" "What am I asking you for?" "You probably showed her how." " Shut up." " Please, guys." "Relax." "This'll muffle the shot." "Adios, you fucking skank." "Hey, look at this, Joey." "Today's her lucky day." "Only made it to the R's." "Next time, there'll be no next time." "Come on." "Take as long as you like, no rush." "I've got my "Times Crossword"" "and Agnes here will get you anything you need." "Thanks, Mel." "So how's it being home, Angelo?" "Enjoying living with your daughter?" "It's like paradise." "I eat like a pharaoh," " I got my own room, cable TV." " I have cable." "My grandson, he asked me... he says, how come he never met his grandpa before?" "I said, "Because Grandpa's been in Special Forces."" "First he was afraid of me, but I said, "Come on, we'll get some ice cream." " We'll go to the park." "It'll be..."" " Well anyway," " here we all are." " Right." "I called you boys because Lorraine calls me and she said there's a situation in our family that's gotten outta hand" " with John and Little Carmine." " This fucking Johnny, he wouldn't even let the maggots get on Carmine before he's telling me to kick up direct to him." "Problem is Carmine never named a successor." "We all assumed it'd be Johnny 'cause the son's down in Miami with the discos and the whatnot." "He's grabbing with both hands, John." "This could get ugly." "There's a lotta potential for bloodshed." "Potential?" "They almost killed us." "Jason, men are talking here." "Now you're close to John." " You have any ideas?" " What are you asking him for?" "He never even had the makings of a varsity athlete." "Your point being what, Junior?" "Oh, forget it, he's just breaking balls." "All right, one thought I had in the interest of harmony, maybe there could be a power-sharing situation." "The Sopranos have two bosses." "That's not all it's cracked up to be, believe you me." "Let's not get into that right now, okay?" "What I was thinking was three bosses, a triumvir-thing, like Caesar." " Little Carmine, Johnny and you." " I'm retired." "You were Carmine's consigliere for over 30 years." "If it wasn't for that construction beef down in Yonkers it'd be you running that family today." " Things happen how they happen." " Think about it." "Doesn't have to be 9:00 to 5:00." "You could still take your grandson to the park." "Things get heavy, you're just another voice to weigh in." "And John still does better financially than he ever did under Carmine." "There he is." "Salvatore, my Dali." "My aunt told me about it." "I mean, what'd I ever do to this guy?" "They released these fucks from the can." "Obviously, he wasn't rehabilitated." "It's my livelihood." "I don't have a yard no more, Sally, I'm in a condo." "Otherwise, you know, I'd have ya out there with your snippers, even with your bum wing." "My wife, at this point... she's got me thinking about going to the cops." "What are you talking about?" "Where are you from?" " I don't know what to do." " You got friends, don't ya?" " I always steered clear of stuff." " What stuff?" "I go, I talk to the guy for ya." "Get you back your stops." "I know him." "Yeah?" "So you give me a token, I don't know, couple percent." "Thanks, Paulie." "This one and the next one." "There he is, the king of breadsticks." "I'll give you a breadstick up your ass." "Come here, you." "Come on, sit down." "So, how's the kid, huh, Tony?" "He's good, you know." "But ask me, he should've stood with Carmela." "Some men need wives, huh?" "Tell you when to shit" " and when to scratch your ass." " Who needs them, huh?" "What can I do for you, Paul?" "I got a guy, I think you may have run into him, gardener name of Sal Vitro." "Does my aunt's grass." "He says your nephew's moving into his neighborhood," " Franklin Parkway." " His neighborhood?" "He's been working there since back when I lived there." "Anyway, I'm here putting in a word for the kid." "So do me a favor, huh?" "You and your nephew over there, lay off." " Hey, biscotti?" " No." "You know Mr. Jerry, the fruit who owns those hair salons, huh?" "He came to me the other day, he asked me to take his action on the Knicks." "Jerry's my fucking customer, for years now." "Which is why I told him no." "This gardener, he cut the hair on your balls, too?" "He's a friend of my Aunt Mary's." "Which is why he don't belong to nobody." "What do you know about who belongs to what?" "You been away 20 years!" " Which entities me to earn!" " Which entities you to shit." "In my book, you get points for staying outta the can." "Good thing for me, then, that your book don't mean oogatz to me!" "What's yours is yours, Paulie, but what ain't is anybody else's!" "Now do yourself a fucking favor and get the fuck outta my store!" "So are we picking Bobby up, or is he gonna meet us at Uncle Jun's?" "He took the kids to the 12:00 mass." "I didn't know he was religious." "At this point he'll try anything, I guess." "Bobby Jr. started wetting his bed again." " Practically every night." " Bobby came by to see me the other day." "Really?" "So we discuss his career, I'm his wife." "Sometimes he needs a push." "Junior's your uncle too, in case you wanna play more of an active role..." "I try, believe me." "Despite all the work I have with my own family." "You know, I cook for Bobby and the kids every night." "I did Sunday dinner at my house, and now I gotta prepare the starters and schlep 'em to Uncle Jun's." "Yeah, Barb's helping out all the way down from Brewster." "Barbara's kids are normal." "This family stuff, these Sunday dinners, they're important, Janice." "Hey, Jan. Julio?" " Help me get this order?" " Okay." "You know, every day I understand more and more what Ma went through." "I mean we bitch about her, but I tell you, it is less and less a mystery why she was the way she was." " She chose to be that way." " You don't choose that, Tony." "An ungrateful husband, selfish kids." " How's that food that Janice prepared?" " Two more minutes." "Artie's re-sautéing the mushrooms." "Could I get you a glass of wine, something to drink?" " No, I'm good." " I'll have a pinot grigio." "20 minutes, start the shells." "Just redoing the mushrooms, two minutes tops." "Well relax, I just... came in to say hello." " So how you doing?" " Hanging in." "Heard you were over there at the Motel 6." "My aunt took the house back." "I'm moving in with my cousin at the end of the month." "Look, if you want, I'm staying over at my mother's and the place is empty." "You can bunk with me for a while." "No." "Thank you." "I was talking with my cousin, Tony B, and he said it's fucking stupid that we're on the outs." "I'm telling ya, the place is just sitting there, two extra bedrooms." " I don't know." " Why not?" "Artie, we're like brothers." "How long are we gonna hold a grudge?" " Thanks, Ton'." "Thank you very much." " Yeah, all right." "All right." "Listen, I gotta talk to you about your linens... the napkins and tablecloths, all that shit." "I got something going." "I think I can save you like 70%." "There's been a lot of progress to the facade." "In some instances, all of the paint comes off." "Now tell me, what product is used..." "I don't get these old antique houses." "They're grimy looking." "We gonna eat today or what?" "Barbara and Tom aren't here yet with the entrees, Uncle Jun'." "When were they supposed to come?" "2:00, I told you five minutes ago." "Here." "Why don't we start on the macaroni?" "Everybody come on!" "Bolognese has meat, obviously, the marinara doesn't." "And Barb will be here with the chicken parm and the veal pizzaiola." "So Anthony, how'd you guys do against Delbarton last season?" " Not so good, we lost both times." " It's that line coach." ""Star-Ledger" says Delbarton's gonna be even tougher this coming year" " with that Chinese kid." " Your father never had the makings" " of a varsity athlete." " Oh, what the...?" " What the hell's with you?" " What?" "It's not true." "I lettered in football." " You never played college ball." " College?" "Those guys from Seton Hall were seven feet tall some of them." "Took an academic leave anyway." "Small hands, that was your problem." "Oh yeah, Daddy always said that." "That's not the point." "What is it with you and this obsession with this varsity crap?" "The other day you said it." "When I was a kid you told the girl cousins the same thing, it was hurtful." " Tony, relax, it's not a big deal." " It's undermining!" "And it's the kinda stuff I'm teaching my kids not to do." "So I don't wanna hear it again!" "End of subject!" "Honey, pass me the ricotta, please." "Hello?" " In here!" "Hey!" " Hi, sorry we're late." " The Tappan Zee was a nightmare." " Checking the trucks again." "Well, sit down and dig into this medley of pastas that Janice whipped up." " How you doing, Uncle Jun'?" " I don't like tardiness." " Let me unwrap these." " This looks great." " Thank you." " So coming down I heard on the radio, looks like the Jets are gonna grab that kid from Tulsa, that tight end." "We still get those season tickets, big brother?" "He never had the makings of a varsity athlete." " Son of a bitch!" " What?" " Did I just tell you not to say that?" "!" " Say what?" "You don't like the way I talk, get outta my house!" " Here we go." " Tony..." "No "Tony" shit!" "Get your coat, we're leaving." " I don't have a coat." " Well then get moving, God damn it!" "Will someone please tell me what's going on?" "It's my last Sunday dinner here, that's what's going on." "Uncle Jun', was that really necessary?" "He's a goddamn hothouse flower, that's his problem." "Thank you for getting my TV fixed, Paulie." "It's such a sin." "He fired his Spanish helper." "Took his boy outta college 'cause he couldn't afford it anymore." "He said it's his last time coming here." " You speak to the man?" " I'll see you later." "So what's up?" "Nothing, I thought we'd be first in line for opening day." "Peanuts are on me." "Angelo Garepe came to see me." " Mm-hmm." " Lorraine Calluzzo reached out." "Fucking twat." "Didn't you fuck her once?" "Yeah, a million years ago." "What, is nothing a secret?" "Obviously you wanna maintain stability, but having Phil Leotardo smack your shies around, is that the smartest thing?" "I gotta nip this Little Carmine shit in the bud." "Otherwise I could see a lot of people start fucking around." "Power vacuum, the capos bide their time, nobody's sure who to pay, so nobody gets paid." "All right, I hear you." "No one likes that cunt anyway." "Any problem, she's "Whack this one, whack that one"." "Never enough body count for Lorraine." "Fuck her, let her taste her own medicine!" "All right, whatever." "I'll tell you something else." "In large measure," "I blame you for this shit with Little Carmine." " What the fuck did I do?" " You legitimized him." "Man of your stature goes to Florida to see that schmuck?" "All right." "Come on, huh?" "We both agree that little Carmine's a fucking asshole, but the fact is he's got a following loyal to his old man." "So?" "So, Angelo had an idea." "What if... and he's just floating this to keep the peace..." "Mm-hmm." "What if there was a power-sharing situation?" " Power sharing." " You're all in charge equally, but no major decisions can be made without a majority of two." "What the fuck?" "Hey, this way you're not such a big target for the feds." "Three of the other families have this kind of arrangement." "What's this, the fucking U.N. now?" "!" " All right forget it!" "Forget I said it!" " Fuck that!" "Everyone deserves to choose how they feel, to experience the love, the joy, the happiness, the passion." " Where's Junior?" " Upstairs taking a nap." "The garage is open, his car is gone." " Where is he?" " I'm telling you, I don't know." "You don't think somebody put the snatch on him, do you?" "When did you see him last?" "An hour ago." "Two." "I fell asleep." "Maybe he drove to the store." "His wallet's here, his watch." "With his bail, he's not allowed to leave the house anyway." "Junior." "So when they say they're not interested, you say, "You're not interested in keeping kids off drugs?"" "What, Shabazz?" "Nobody wants them Turkish taffies." "You push harder." "What did I tell you about profit margin?" " Where's Johnny?" " We closed now." " Let me talk to Damiano." " We rented the hall today." "I'm looking for Johnny Soprano, God damn it." "Hey, this here's a church." "You can't talk like that in here." "Get out, go on." "We're working here." " I wanna see Johnny Soprano." " Ain't no Johnny here." " I'm his brother." "He owns this place." " Hold up, now." "Back in the day, this was an Italian neighborhood." "Some fellas had this place here." "Kept those vending machines." "Well, there ain't no vending machines here no more." "Come on, fool, go on." "All right, Roberta, thanks." "I'm sorry to bother you." "Bobbi Sanfillipo?" "Junior hasn't kept time with her in years." " Yeah, I realize that." " You know, now that I think about it," "Junior was acting a little peculiar when I got here today." "Said he wanted to see Johnny." "What Johnny?" " His brother?" " I don't know." "Also there the other day, we were watching the TV, he thought he saw himself on one of the programs." "We have got the dishwashing liquid... concentrated dishwashing liquid." "No gloves, it's all-natural, no chemicals." " Hello?" " It's me." " Did you drop off the drycleaning?" " Your uncle's missing." "He took his car." "He didn't call you, did he?" " No." " Where the hell is he?" "He's like an old woman." "He's probably gossiping with a neighbor." "Did you check the Ramirez's next door?" "I'm afraid he might've wandered." "My grandfather did this." "Maybe you better call Tony." "I can't just dump this on Tony." "I gotta find him." "I need you to come here in case he comes back." " Bobby, I just can't..." " I need your help here!" "Jesus Christ!" "Sometimes I think I love Junior more than you do!" "We may know that there are five essentials for victory:" "One, he will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight;" "Two, he will win who knows how to..." " You Gary?" " I'm Jimmy." "Gary's up there." "Hey, come down here!" " What?" " I said get down here!" "I wanna talk to you!" " What do you want?" " I'm a friend of Sal Vitro's." "My aunt lives on this street." "So?" "So I'm guessing Sal Vitro used to do this yard." " A lotta things used to be." " Maybe so, but you're gonna make good on his busted arm." "Oh yeah?" "Why am I gonna do that?" "'Cause I said so, that's why." " Eat shit, pal." " Why don't you take a walk, huh?" "Give me your wallet, you prick." "This and the mower's a down payment." "By next Tuesday I want Sal Vitro's whole orthopedist bill paid." "Let's call it $1,200." "On top of that, from now on I get 10% of whatever you make in this neighborhood." " You motherfucker!" " Shut up or I'll give you a crack." " Time is it?" " Don't worry, we'll take the tunnel." "All right, this meeting today, we're trying to nail down a new contractor now with Massarone gone." " That office park by Troy Hills?" " Listen... and this is very important... if any of this shit with Little Carmine and Johnny comes up, you clam up." " You got it, Ton'." " Say nothing." "'Cause you say the wrong thing..." " What?" " Tony, it's me." "Listen, it's your uncle." "He's gone." " You mean he's dead?" " No, no, no, no." "We think he might've wandered off." "You know, I didn't wanna call you" " but it's been a couple hours now." " Fuck him." "He said he was going to see Johnny." "You think he might've meant your dad?" " What?" " He's wandering, Ton'." "He can wander off the Palisades for all I care." "He's fucking dead to me." "I called you almost an hour ago." " Where the hell have you been?" " Hello?" "I was picking up your daughter." "Stay here, I'm going out." "Where the hell is Tommy?" " I sent him home." " Oh, wonderful." "He gets the day off, and I get to wait by the phone." " It's because of him Junior escaped." " Dad, can I go with you?" " No." " Can Janice go and we can stay here?" "What'd I tell you about being impolite?" "If anyone cares, I'll be upstairs lying down." "One hour of television, then you both finish your homework." "And you, lay off the Snapple." "What galls me is that before Little Carmine went to Florida," "I was actually close with him." "I was in his wedding party." "Organized his whole fucking bachelor party... lesbian show, whores..." "fucking disgusting." "Then when they had that kid with the lung problem, who you think got him that doctor on Park Avenue?" "Water over the dam, huh?" "I had no idea you guys were that close." "Close?" "We were like brothers." "It's a shame that you can't find a way to work things out." "Give me piece of bread, huh?" "Have you thought about this?" "Maybe you let him keep Lorraine, and you take a bigger piece of his Florida shit, the clubs." "If I wanted to worry about Florida," "I would move to fucking Miami." "You know, it wasn't long ago I remember you used to wait in the car." "And as far as I'm concerned you should still be there!" " He was just trying..." " Fuck "he was just!"" "Everybody's got a goddamn opinion!" "I didn't say nothing, Ton'." " What the fuck did I say?" "!" " I'm sorry, T, I just..." "Now I gotta un-fuck what you just fucked up." "Gotta do something nice for Johnny." "Like what?" "What the fuck am I supposed to do?" "!" "You gotta understand, this shit between Johnny and Little Carmine is bad." "The instability." "But worse comes to worst, it could work to our advantage." " How?" " They fight, we pick up any crumbs from the fallout." "The odds are that Johnny'll end up on top, but who knows?" "So keep your ears open and your mouth shut!" "Apparently, there's a new president at the electrician's union." "Tony sent Chrissy over there to talk to him." "Something I've always been meaning to get straight..." "Tony calls Christopher his nephew, yet sometimes you refer to them as cousins." "Yeah, right." "See, Chrissy's not Tony's nephew." "Chrissy's Carmela's cousin." "She was first cousin to Dickie Moltisanti, Chrissy's dad." "But he was always kinda like a big brother to Tony, Dickie." "So Tony calls Chrissy his nephew." " It's an Italian thing." " Okay." "Although technically, Tony and Chrissy are cousins." "Joanne Blundetto, Chrissy's mom, is Tony's cousin on his mother's side?" "But, like way back." "Like from the old country or something." " Robyn?" " What?" "How much longer am I gonna have to keep doing this?" "Major RICO against Tony Soprano?" "Those things take years to build." "This recent case against Joe Massino in New York?" "It was seven years before indictments were handed down." "Hello, handsome." "Where you living now?" "Around here?" " Do you know me?" " Do I know you?" "Jupiter Club on 6th Street?" "Caught fire, that place." "Lot of people died." "Do you know my brother, Johnny?" "You got all the looks, I'll tell ya that." "What are you saying?" "You and I had relations?" "Son of a bitch in a taxicab, run me right over my foot." " I have a car." " Want a date?" "I'll give you half and half in the back seat." " I want to go home." " Let me get a ride by the shelter." "I have to find my car." "How you doing?" "I don't gotta tell you shit." "See some ID, sir?" "Fuck you, copper, I know my rights." "Hey, take it easy now." "My car was stolen." "I want my lawyer." " What's his name?" " Mel." "Okay, Mel what?" "I see you went out and forgot your shoes." " Where do you live?" " Belleville." "Sure you don't want to tell me your name?" " You're not in any trouble or anything." " Corrado Soprano." "Tell you what, sir, why don't you come and get in the car where it's nice and warm?" "We'll try to figure out how to get in touch with your lawyer, all right?" "Jesus, Uncle Jun', thank God." " This gentleman reside here, ma'am?" " He's my uncle." "Where have you been?" "We were worried sick." "I'll need to see some identification, ma'am." " Oh, okay, I'll get my bag." " His, actually." "Bobby, get Uncle Jun's wallet." "It's upstairs on his dresser." "Uncle Jun', you're freezing." "We found him walking across Clay Street Bridge in Newark." "Newark?" " Where's your car?" " They stole it." " Who stole it?" " You know who." "It's him." "Junior Soprano." " Here ya go, sir." " Go shit in your hat." "Uncle Jun', stop." "Thank you, officers." "Thank you." "Uncle Jun', did you tell Tommy" " you were going to see my father?" " Of course not." "What are you doing?" "Sit!" " I have to use the facilities." " Bobby, go with him." "God damn it, I can piss by myself!" "Okay, okay." " I'll open some soup." " You go out for some exercise, people give you the goddamn third degree." " Hi, Ellie." " Oh, hello, Louie." "How's the big slot-machine king?" "Oh, I ain't doing that no more, I'm retired." "Tony, it's me." " What's the matter?" " It's Uncle Jun'." "They found him in Newark, in his slippers." "He was looking for Daddy, Tony." "He may have Alzheimer's." "I don't know." "Good, maybe he'll forget my phone number." "Jesus Christ." "Mozzarella in carrozza." "Still warm." "Artie, we're in the middle of a family meeting." "I'm not even here." "He's our uncle, Tony." "There may be something seriously wrong with him." "Listen, Janice, like I told your husband," " he's fucking dead to me." " Are you that fragile?" "You don't know the half of it when it comes to us." "And if you're so concerned, take him to the doctor." " 'Cause I've had it." " You're the only one he relates to." "We won't even be able to get him in the car." "Fuck him." "You reap what you sow." "You sure did." "You think maybe there's a reason you're living all alone here without your family?" "Whoa." "Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute." "You're gonna give me advice on marriage?" "You know, Tony, there's a lot I can say right now that I am not gonna say." "Fuck it!" "Say it!" "Say it!" "Who gives a fuck?" "Think I don't know what you're doing here, Janice?" "Trying to pawn this shit off on me." "Your whole life... whenever there's a family problem," " you shirk your duties or run away!" " Ran away?" " Tibet or fucking Berkeley." " I was 18 years old!" "I was 16 when you left me with our head case of a mother." "Who you all of a sudden relate to so fucking well!" "I was merely saying..." "Free-spirit Janice, rebel without a cause, while I sit here mired in her bullshit trying to be a good son while you're off dropping acid" " and blowing roadies!" " Roadies?" " Oh, you don't wanna know." " That is not true, Tony." "Now you tell him that that's not true!" "Poor fucking Janice, she's so depressed." "Poor Janice, she can't get up off the couch 'cause she's so tired from her Epstein-Barr." "Poor fucking Janice." "Va fongul!" " Why don't we calm down?" " Maybe you were the smart one 'cause you got outta here, but your hippie string ran out and now you're gonna do to this man what you do to every one of 'em." " Fucking piece of shit!" " You stupid cunt." "Oh, just like your mother, huh?" "Now you can do to him what she did to Daddy!" "Cocksucker!" "You want more responsibility?" "Start with controlling your wife." "And then from nowhere, he cracks one kid's head with a shovel and the other one, he knocks out of a tree." "He jumped out of the tree and came at me with a chainsaw." "I got a right to defend myself, Ton'." "All right, take it easy, relax." "Sal Vitro's been working the area since my ma was still working at Kresge's." "I should be able to help out a kid from my own neighborhood." "All right, how about this?" "Vitro and your nephew split the area... east of Dyer is yours, west of Dyer goes to him." "As for the broken arm..." "I don't know, give him $500." "I already told the guy 12, T." "Well there's fucking compromises in life, Paulie." "All right, make it a grand for the pain and suffering." "Naturally I want my taste, retroactive, 'cause this is the first time I heard about any of this." "It's a new venture." "My nephew's barely on his feet." "I mean, I didn't want to start kicking up and pull it back if it don't work out." "And of course Vitro'll do your grass too, Ton'." "No charge." "Remind me to talk to you about that later." "There he is." "Salvatore, my boy." " How's that pitching arm?" " It's getting there." "Paul, say hello to Mr. Gaultieri." "That's my middle name, Paul." "So I talked to that guy." "Good news." "I got you 500 for your arm, and you keep half your area." " Half?" " It could've been nothing." "Lucky you know me." "West of Dyer's yours, east belongs to him." "Paulie, my wife's gonna sh..." "All right, thank you, Paulie." "Oh, one more thing." "You're gonna have to cut a couple of lawns on the comp." "Some friends of ours." "Some shot, huh, the way it hooked?" "You got a fucking horseshoe up your ass." "Mr. Soprano?" "Harry Winer, I was your mother's neurologist." " I did her work-up from Green Grove?" " Yeah, how you doing?" "So I assume your sister told you I'm treating your uncle." "Oh yeah, yeah, she mentioned it." " Catch you in there, T." " Yeah." "I think with the right meds we can control these things." " What things?" " The infarcts." "They're akin to mini-strokes." "He suffered significant brain trauma the other day." "You probably noticed him acting differently over the past six months, a year maybe." "Well to tell you the truth, me and my uncle, we don't talk much anymore." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." "Don't be, he's a hostile prick." "Well, unfortunately obstinacy is consistent with his condition." "Impatience, forgetfulness, particularly with short-term memory." "Do you find he'll ask the same question every three minutes?" "What time it is?" "I don't know." "Maybe." "It's frustrating, I know." "Anyway, the last thing I wanted to do was get in the middle of a family squabble." " I just wanted to say hello." " Well, nice seeing you." "Okay." "All right." "Member of the squirrel family, the prairie dog makes its home mainly..." "Tommy?" "Brought you some fish." "Trying to clean out my refrigerator." "Make sure you form a seal when you shut that freezer door." "Of the two main species, the black-tailed prairie dog is much more widespread, inhabiting much of the Great Plains and the Great Basin." "So how you feeling?" "Heard you had a little problem." "What problem?" "All right." "But your doctor said something different." "Who, Kennedy?" "Kennedy's your cancer doctor." "I knew that." "You said doctor." "The white-tailed prairie dog lives at higher elevations, hibernating throughout the winter." "Just take your medicine, Uncle Jun'." "Make you feel better." "Help with your memory." "Believe me, there's plenty I'd like to forget." "Yeah, you and me both." " Feech was here?" " Yeah, he came to pay his respects." "What's this I hear, you ruled against Feech?" " He's an important man." " Why is he bitching at you about shit?" "I'm still the boss of this family, despite any arrangements." "Yellow in color, they often have dark..." "These prairie dogs, they'll sleep during the day." "Oh yeah?" "Look, the doctor said you might not have known what you were saying." "What are you talking about?" "The varsity shit." "So, what else did Feech have to say?" "Getting a new top on his convertible." "All right, let's assume that you didn't know what you were saying." "That you forget you say shit over and over." "Yeah?" "Why's it gotta be something mean?" "Why can't you repeat something good?" "There's the coyote." "I mean, don't you love me?"