"We pay $5,000 per unit." "However, if you're willing to give more than 10%, purchase price doubles." "Payment is made in full on the day of removal." "There's also a standard confidentiality clause." "That's detailed on page seven of the release." "Do you have any questions?" "Yes." "Will it... hurt?" "I told you." "Don't worry 'bout that." "I'm allowed to worry." "I'm your wife." "The procedure itself doesn't hurt." "Some donors complain of fatigue accompanied by minor headaches." "Nothing that a few aspirin won't fix." "Yes, but... will he be..." "The long-term effects." "Yeah." "Common question." "The simple answer, as far as we can tell, based on now thousands of clinical trials is:" "there aren't any." "But would you like some more time to think it over?" "We don't have time." "Mortgage company's breathin' down our backs, and your sister's not gonna bail us out this time." "Like, what about 10%?" "Is that enough?" "Absolutely." "But remember, 15 is double the price." "Trust me." "You won't even miss it." "Ready?" "Be as still as possible." "We're done." "I gave him a mild sedative, so he should sleep through the night." "Three." " There you go." " Thank you." "I started to have second thoughts." "And then I had second thoughts about the second thoughts." "Millie?" "Look who's here." "Millie?" "Are you ready, hon?" "Now, I need something that belongs to Mildred so that I can confirm this is a match." "Thank you." "Good." "It's close enough." "What now?" "Now we turn it into a consumable." "Okay, Mildred." "Can you do this for me?" "Say "Awwhhh"?" "Awwhhh." "Very good." "Sweetheart..." "How do you feel?" "Richard?" "Let me help ya out." "The first bunny ear, he meets the second bunny ear." "Over, around." "All right." "All right." "What's up with him?" "He's French." "What are we havin' here, then?" "Reddi-wip." "Marshmallows." "Hot fudge." "My God." "First one's for you." "Well, I'm bloody honored." " You're cookin'." " Yeah?" "So?" "So, nothin'." "I love you cookin'." "Get the fire extinguisher." "Funny." "Now you get to set the table." "So, uh, listen, I wanna talk to ya about yesterday." "Yeah?" "Look." "You know, I mean," "I know we both said some things there." ""Said some things."" "Honestly, sounds like a bloody lover's quarrel." "Look, what I'm tryin' to tell ya is I can be a real bastard without even tryin', and I'm sorry." "All right?" "Don't worry about it." "No?" "That's good." "You got anythin' you wanna say to me?" "You're forgiven." "So..." "What're we doin' today?" "I've heard there's this place in the Quarter where they shoot ya in the chest for money." "I think that might be fun." " What?" " Yeah." "You wear a vest and that." "It's a game." "Where they pay you to get shot in the chest?" "Yeah." "Or you pay them." "That part was unclear." "Well, we could get shot in the chest for unclear reasons, or we could do what we came to do in the first place and look for God." "Where exactly in the Quarter was this, Cass?" "All right, searching for God it is, then." "There's a bunch of jazz clubs left." " We could hit those." " More marshmallow?" "No, no, no." "Let's let the diabetes takes its own time, shall we?" "Or the crypto-fascists Lara told me about." "The men in the white suits?" "I'm tellin' ya now, when it comes to crypto-fascists, the Reptilians, they're gonna be way more likely." "Who's Lara?" "This lounge singer I met." "Mm." "Lara the lounge singer." "That's right." "I remember now." "You were quite excited about her." " No, I wasn't'." " Yes, you were." "You came in all flustered-like." "No, I was excited about the lead she gave me." " Not her." " Mm." "I wasn't being' defensive." "She was in trouble." " I helped." "That's it." " Okay, good." "Now, the God audition seems like a dead end." "All we have is a hand shooting a gun." "So good to find out who shot that bloody gun." " Yeah." " Why don't we just zoom in on the serial number?" " "Helping's" good." " It is good." " What?" " On the gun." "I said it was good." "Zoom in on the serial number and then trace it back to the owner." "It's always good to give a girl a good helping' whenever you can." "Just like they do in the shows and that." "I couldn't agree with you more." "What are you talkin' about?" "Talking about zooming' in on the gun to find out who shot at you." "Just zoom in..." "Okay, seriously." "What the hell happened with you and this girl?" "I didn't marry her, Tulip." "I'll tell you that much." "Which one?" "Tell me." "That one." "Don't make me shoot you, man!" "I'll do it!" "I swear!" "I'll do it!" "Aaaahh!" "Where's the Preacher?" "There's no Preacher here, man!" "I'm a Jew!" "You know, "zoom in," "resolve"..." ""Hold on." "Is that a clue there?"" "Like they do in the shows." "Hm." "Preacher?" "Don't make me bust you up, man!" "When you say "the shows,"" "you mean TV shows that take place say, in outer space or the Pentagon?" "Yeah, but we don't do any of that." "We..." "We take the tapes down to the Circuit Works and we let the Dork Docs do all the bloody faffin' about with their technicalogical software and that." "Mm." "That so, huh?" "Yeah." "Used to work in TV shows, yeah?" " Which shows you watch exactly?" " I know 'em all." "Like, high-school shows, law shows, and all that." "Love serial killers and stuff like that." "Terrorist attacks and comedians." "I love reality TV..." "You know, like, idjits just ridin' 'round the world on motorcycles and fat women competing' for prizes." "So basically, you watch trash TV." "I do not just basically watch trash TV at all." "It's really an in-depth survey on the human experience, all right?" "Watchin' those fat ladies transform into beautiful things, wonderful things." "Then they finally learn to love themselves." "And sometimes the producers even pay to get rid of their stretch marks." "You really oughta try watchin' it." "It's very amusing." "Hey." "Guys." "Fiore's dead." "Aw, dead-dead?" "Wait, the angel from the casino?" "I thought he was like..." " he couldn't die." " I guess not." "Apparently, a cowboy shot him and he never came back." "So what do we do now?" "What?" "About the indestructible angel-killer?" "I think it's pretty clear that we run." "We can't run forever." "He'll just keep finding' us." "Unless you stop usin'... the power." "That's how he keeps tracking' us, right?" "No." "I need that to help me find God." "Well, I don't know what then." "Why doesn't the Word work on him?" "Works on everyone else." "Works on angels, people." " Works on Cassidy." " Does that." "The Saint made a deal with the angels." "Somethin' he could get, somethin' he wanted in exchange for destroying' Genesis." " That's his weakness." " Yeah, right." "Like, Superman has Kryptonite." "Spider-Man has his Mary Jane." "We've just gotta find out what the Saint's weakness is." "Great." "Let's do that then." "How exactly do we do that, though?" "We read." "Check it out." "I used to drop acid and flick through these for hours, man." "Aha." "Really?" "A book on tape?" "Still a book." "Hello." "You're listening to another edition of "American Psychopaths."" "Chapter 57." "The Saint of Killers." "Our story begins in 1861." "Our backdrop..." "The American Civil War." "Before he was a myth, our subject was a man." "Fighting for the Confederate Army." "Some called him heartless." "Others, insane." "His compatriots dubbed him "The Butcher of Gettysburg."" "But all wars come to an end." "One day, as fate would have it, he fell in love." "She hailed from Laredo, a Christian girl of German descent." "It wasn't long till they were wed." "And sooner still, she gave him a daughter." "For a time, the cowboy was at peace." "But fortune favors the wind." "The cowboy lost his wife and daughter to disease." "Legend says that in that moment, his soul shattered into a million pieces, scattering to the four corners of the Earth." "Hate became the blood coursing through his veins, the only living man without a soul." "On that fateful day, the cowboy became the grim, taciturn, implacable killing machine known commonly as The Saint of Killers." "But our story doesn't end here." "The Saint sought bloody revenge on the town of Ratwater..." "Dying there in the famous tornado of 1881." "But soulless men have no place in paradise, and God banished him to the Netherworld, imprisoned and forced to relive his most injurious memory over and over and over again." "It's there he rots." "The most hated man in Heaven, the most dreaded in Hell, rumored to be feared by Satan himself." "We hope you enjoyed this edition of "American Psychopaths."" "Join us next time for Chapter 58..." " Dick Cheney." " All right." "Weaknesses?" "I'm gonna start." "He's not very well-liked... which is a weakness of a sort." "He is also a vicious, child-murderin' maniac with no soul." "Although in this case, you know, that might be a strength." " I don't know." " He lost his family." "Now, I don't know if that's a weakness so much as a... a thing that happened." "You know what?" "Holy mother of bleeding' shite!" "I forgot about Denis!" "Allô?" "Denis, don't go back to the apartment." "Cassidy?" "Denis, listen to me." "Do you hear me?" "Intruder, Denis!" "He's gonna shoot your bloody head off!" "Don't open that door!" "Shut your French mouth!" "Listen to me!" "Don't open the door!" "Intruder, Denis!" "Death!" "You're... f..." "It's too late." "Give me the phone." "I'm here." "I'm here." "Don't hurt him." "I'm comin'." "Say your prayers, Preacher." "Kill me and the deal is off." "That's right." "The angel told me about it." "Fiore." "You don't know shit." "Kill me then." "See what happens." "Uh-huh." "That's the idea." "Or see what doesn't happen." "The old man doesn't matter now." "Let him go." "Talk quick before I lose this bullet in your skull." "You think you're workin' for God, don't you?" "Kill the Preacher, and God will give you what you want." "'Cause I got some bad news for you." "God ain't giving' you shit." "He's gone." "Prove it." "Rest well, my child." "Your suffering is my suffering." "I shall soothe your pain and dry your tears." "Your suffering..." "What is this thing?" "That just kills me." "It's a television." "Hold on." "That's an actor." "This whole thing's a cover-up." "The real God left us down on Earth to fend for ourselves." "Where is He?" "I don't know." "But I know what you want." "Hear me!" "You want to go to Heaven." "And tremble and know..." "God won't get you there." "Of the world to come." "Not anymore." "Look for the changes..." "You leave us alone, and I can." "The dying land..." "Can you now?" "The falling sky..." "Why'd the angels send for you to kill me?" "Genesis." "I got a power inside me." "A power that rivals God's." "I can command anyone in the universe to do my bidding'." "I can call upon the angels." "I can send a man to Hell if I want." "Look!" "I've done it before." "I can send you to Heaven." "I mean, it's just not as scary if He's trying to be scary." "You know what I'm saying?" "Do you know what it takes to get me to heaven?" "What I need?" "Yes." "And you can get that?" "Where?" "Hm." "Nice try." "You're going to have to trust me." "I know it's not a great deal, but it's the only deal you got." "Yes!" "Aaaah!" "You got one hour." "One hour." "One more thing..." "What happened?" "He took the deal." "But you have to stay." "All three of you." "What about you?" "I have to go get him somethin'." "What?" "A soul." "A..." "Upstairs." " How the heck are you gonna..." " It's all right." "I can do it." "Now." "Come on, then." "One hour, Preacher." "_" "Afternoon, Father." "Pick up for the Monsignor?" "Rub in twice a day on the infected area." "He'll be fine." "I don't know the Monsignor." "I need a soul." "To buy." "From you." "Right now." "No idea what you're talkin' about." "No?" "You have a set of pull needles right there." "Somewhere else in here, you got an uprooter, a pump, a scale, and a spinner." "Papa Bébé's been selling souls for over 150 years." "So you know exactly what I'm talkin' about." "Who the hell are you?" "I'm Jesse L'Angelle." "I'm gonna need a match for this." "Somethin' "exotic" probably." " I'll say." " I don't have much time, so I need to see the inventory." "Brother, I don't have any inventory." " You talkin' about?" " I was pushed out." "I haven't sold a soul in almost 10 years." "Pushed out by who?" "The mother-lovin' Japanese." " The...?" " These Land of the Rising Sonsuhbitches went high-tech, high volume, fractional." "Fractions?" "Of souls?" "Makin' a killin' too." "Brainy little bastards came up with all sorts of applications for it." "Pretty much cornered the market." " What about "Normeana's"?" " Pushed 'em out too." ""Scratchy's"?" "Miss Julie..." "Black Lake Emporio..." "Little John's Voodoo..." "Mother Cuverdeux's." "They buried us all." ""Angelville"?" "Hangin' on by a thread." "There has to be some other way." "There has to be." "Well, speak of the devils and they appear." "Time for their boudin sausages." "5:15 like clockwork." "Freakin' robots." "_" "That's the Japanese?" "Small world, ain't it?" "Too small if you ask me." "There are souls on that truck?" "Yep." "Yours for the takin' if you got like, a bajillion dollars." "Do you think any Millennials today have eaten a toast San..." "Hey!" "But the really basic stuff, I started on this last show." " Open the doo..." " because I was born." "Uh, rationing was just a..." "Hey." "Just uh, wondering', how's it all goin'?" " You close?" " Uhhhh..." " Yep." " I'd say I'm pretty close." "Okay, 'cause, uh, Denis is pretty sick." "He doesn't have his medicine." "Jesse?" "You still there?" "Yeah, that's great." "Hey, while I have you..." "Any idea how to break into an armored truck?" "What?" "Where are you?" "Tryin' to break into an armored truck." "What?" "!" "I'll explain when I get home." "Okay, um." "Do you go..." "Okay, um." "You got any D batteries on you?" " No." " Phone line?" " Nope." " Burner phone?" "Plastic Dixie cups?" "Uh, a bag of lawn fertilizer?" "I'm standing on the street in the middle of The Bywater, Tulip." "I don't have lawn fertilizer." "But I can get some." "Now what?" "Now?" "I'd get back." "four, should it be watered?" "The..." "I'll call ya back." "He's gonna call back." "All the time in the world, and I never learned how to speak French." "He's your dad, isn't he?" "Your uncle or somethin'?" "No." "He's my son." "No way." "Way." "Hard luck, eh?" "Havin' me for a da." "Tulip?" "Tulip, d..." "He's sick." "The old man." "Cassidy's son." "He needs medicine, so let him go." "Look, you'll still have the two of us." "S... so I really don't see why not." "I read about your little girl." "What would you do if it was..." "Preacher's not here by 6:00, medicine won't help." "A-Are you all right?" "He, um..." "He touched me." "Tell 'em to open up." "Hurry it up!" "I need a soul that matches this bullet." " I don't have this." " No match?" "In all of these souls?" " This one's rare." " Try it anyway." "Do you know who you're stealing from?" "Do it." "None of these match." "I told you, it's rare." "A vault?" "A storage area?" "In Osaka." "What about a soul that doesn't match?" "It's like organ donation." "The body will reject say, a kidney if it wasn't the right type." "What's your type?" "Damn it." "Hey." "You get it?" "Yeah." "Almost." ""Almost"?" "You're not gonna make it, are you?" "No, I am." "I am." "I'm on my way." "Okay." "See you then." "What about me?" "What about my soul?" "We could test it if you want to." "What is the least I can give?" "1%." "You won't even miss it." "Can't this thing go any faster?" "Can't rush it." "Get lost." "Time's up." "Don't!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "He'll be here!" "He's gonna be here!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "I'm here." "Oh." "Ridiculous, right?" "Hm?" "That's a soul?" "Mm-hmm." "How do you know about all this stuff?" "Family business." "I gotta get them to a hospital." "You okay?" "Mm-hmm." "You?" "Yeah, I'll be fine." "Come on, son." "Come on, Dennis." "Let's get you fixed up." "Give it to me." "Where did you get it?" "It's yours, is it?" "Get on your knees." "You're about to enter the Kingdom of Heaven." "I don't get on my knees for no one." "Not anymore." "I said get on your knees." "What did you do?" "The only living man without a soul." "That's why the Word didn't work on you." "You didn't have a soul." "But now..." "Now..." "Drop it." "Disarm." "The gun." "Saber." "A cop-killin', child-murderin' son of a bitch tryin' to make his way through the pearly gates?" "You really think there's a place for you in Heaven?" "Up there with your wife and child?" "Livin' in peace for all eternity?" "No." "I'll tell you where you belong." "Right back in Hell." "And that's where I'm gonna send you." "I told you I did it before." "Go ahead, Preacher." "Send me to Hell... along with your filthy stinkin' soul." "Do it!" "Let's go for a drive." "Preaaaachhherrr!" "Aha-ha!" "Bollocks, this is ridiculous." "Denis?" "Would you just do th..." "Do the remote for me?" "Fingers are still growin' in." "All right, so... check it out." "DVD, Blu-ray." "Got a PlayStation." "Denis?" "See?" "PlayStation. "Rocket Five."" "That's for you, Tulip." "Do you love me?" "Do you like it?" "Tres nice, right?" "Hardly." "Watch those sudden stops, boy." "Somebody could get hurt." "Ooh, it's a big place here." "You all right?" "They've got their Christmas decorations up already." "That's marvelous."