"How did it go this week?" "I told the director that I'm seeing the best psychoanalyst in New York and that I'm sure I'll be fine." "So you'd like us to be in this together?" "Aren't we?" "Do you feel that Patricia has usurped your role as Izzy's mother?" "I lost Izzy a long time ago." "But Russell, that..." "That was a bit of a shock." "When did you separate?" "Two years ago." "He had an affair." "Las week you said Patricia had recommended, me to you." "What, do you want to catch me in a lie?" "Did I catch you in a lie?" "It's important that we be as honest as we can with each other." "I'll tell her." "Too early." "Need to sleep." "Max is gonna be up in 15 minutes." "I'll make him breakfast." "I make really nice waffles." "You... you've got to get going." "I know, I know." "I'm going." "You been up a while?" "You had another rough night?" "I'd say average." "I stopped trying to sleep around 5:00" "And then I just got up and read." "I'm sorry, sweetie." "I know you hate when I tell you this," "But you should sleep a lot better if you had some exercise" "Because they're directly linked." "And you know, it doesn't have to be yoga." "It could be anything." "A bike ride or it could be..." " Can I ask you something?" " Yeah." "Do you think that I have" "A happiness deficit?" "I mean, when was the last time that you saw me" "And I seemed genuinely happy to you?" "Is this because of the book?" "Because I keep telling you to stop reading it 'cause it's making you a little crazy." "No, it's not because of the book." "Somebody asked me and I was thinking about it, that's all." "Someone who?" "Somebody." "It doesn't matter." "Not important." "Okay, and they're saying what to you?" "That you are having trouble being happy?" "More or less." "I'm just..." "I'm just asking your opinion." "My opinion?" "Not when you're with me." "Wendy, I..." "Ahem." "I was beginning to think I had the wrong day." "Come in, please." "Sorry about that." "I, uh..." "I was just finishing off something." "Went to see Patricia yesterday" "To talk to her about, you know, this... about you." "Ask her permission to see you." "And what did she say?" "Fine." "She said it's fine." "You gonna call her?" "I really don't think that's..." "Oh, you believe me." "Of course." "So you're not gonna double-check," "You know, when we're done just to make sure?" "Well, I don't really need to talk to her." "I don't have any intention of talking to her." "She is sick, you know." "She might appreciate you just checking in." "Okay." "So you've given me a choice." "I could check in with your sister and make you jealous," "Or I could ignore her and make you angry." "Well, I'm already jealous and angry." "Here." "Found this at Trish's." "It's Izzy's." "Her favorite." "And you borrowed it?" "My daughter still won't talk to me." "And she has dinner with my sister every night." "They make soup." "Every week it's a different soup." "Last night was cream of broccoli." "God." "When I think of me making soup for Izzy" "When she was home sick with a cold or something," "I mean, d open a can." "And I never remembered to add the extra water in." "It still smells like Izzy." "I took it as an excuse to see my daughter." "I thought maybe I could return it to her." "God, I don't even know what I'm doing here." "You know, I should be somewhere working on my lines." "Tonight is the first night of previews." "I'm thinking of inviting Patricia to opening night." "Although..." "If she's up to it, I don't know..." "She probably won't come." "Why do you say that?" "'cause she doesn't like parties or premieres." "She likes p.B.S. And soup." "Well, you could ask her." "And she could simply say no if she had to." "It's not her thing." "She's seen all my movies." "I mean, the major ones." "She just doesn't make a fuss." "Does she withhold her praise?" "She withholds my daughter, all right?" "I..." "I was at Trish's." "She got cold and I went to get her a robe" "And this is hanging on a hook." "She's hiding it from me." "I mean, Izzy forgot it," "But Trish knew I'd be upset if I saw it." "So I smuggled it out." "I didn't want a confrontation." "I just left there." "A confrontation about Izzy?" "About Izzy and... you know, she's one-track with me." "She just can't stop talking about the brca1." "And did you tell her that you'd made the appointment for the test?" "No, I didn't want to open those floodgates." "She's always preaching surgery statistics." "She torments me." "Did you take the test?" "Are you worried about me?" "On Friday as scheduled." "I'm still waiting for the results." "The way you describe Patricia..." "That she's preachy," "She torments you..." "I think you seem to take her anxiety as a form of aggression." "I think it could also be" "A sign of love." "No, she's punishing me." "Punishing you?" "Punishing you for what?" "We were opposites, you know, growing up." "Our mother used to call us "beauty and the brain."" "She was the star student" "And I was the star." "Did she tell you something differently when she was in therapy?" "You seem to care a lot about what people think about you..." "Me, Izzy, Tricia." "What do you think Patricia is punishing you for?" "When Tricia was at Johns Hopkins" "She was on a scholarship." "I was in New York, you know," "Just finding a little bit of success." "She called all excited." "She had news." "She had gotten cast in a play." "Clifford Odets' "the country girl."" "Mm-hmm." "She had auditioned on a whim" "And gotten the lead." "The title role." " You sound surprised." " I was totally surprised." "I never knew she was even interested in such a thing..." "Acting or the theater." "I mean, it was sweet." "She was sweet." "Her enthusiasm, she thought it was so easy." "Do you remember who played the role in the movie?" " Grace Kelly." " Grace Kelly, exactly." "So Trish was this cast," "To say the least." "But it was college," "And she really wanted me to come and see it." "So how was that for you?" "Well, it was terribly earnest, but she was fine." "Actually, she was one of the better performances." "We went out to dinner afterwards" "And she was so excited, you know?" "So grateful that I had come." "She wanted to tell me her news." "She wanted to tell me that she had always thought" "About being an actress like me." "But she had never had the courage to try," "And now she was getting all this wonderful attention, you know," "From the school newspaper, her classmates, whatever." "And she was thinking that she would really take some acting courses." "Maybe even transferring colleges," "Coming to N.Y.U. To be closer to me." "And she wanted to know what I thought of this idea." "You know, did I think she had the talent?" "Should she change course?" "So she was asking your advice as an older sister?" " Yes." " Yeah." "And I gave it." "Yeah." "I told her no." ""you don't have it."" "Just become a lawyer like you planned." ""Don't be an actress." "Don't waste your time."" "I mean..." "I thought I owed her an honest response." "You know?" "You should not be an actor" "Unless you cannot bear to do anything else." "It's just too fucking hard." "And she had no idea how hard it was." "And what was her reaction to that?" "She was pretty quiet." "She looked crushed." "So as a result of that," "She never pursued acting." "She never did another play again." "Did you feel that you were responsible for..." "I could have encouraged her a little bit more, don't you think?" "She did ask you for your opinion." "An honest opinion and you gave it." "Sounds like you and Patricia" "Had very distinct identities in the family." ""the beauty and the brain. "" "Did your mother, do you feel, cast you in..." "Listen, when I first started to come here" "I made myself one promise..." "That no matter what other troubles we unveiled," "I would not blame my mother, so..." "But it's not about blame." "Fine, then you can stop pointing your finger at my mother." "It seems to me that you might be a little..." "Is that kind of a sensitive subject for you?" "Maybe because of the relationship" "You have with Izzy?" "Isabel." "Her full name is Isabel." "I mean, she's named after my mother." "I always thought it was a beautiful name." "Glamorous." "Not like my name..." "Frances." "I asked my mother, "why did you name me Frances?"" "She said, "oh, don't you know?" "I named you after Frances farmer."" " Hmm, the actress." " Yes." " Did you see the movie?" " Yes." "Yeah, Frances." "Well, what happens to her?" " They institutionalize her." " She has a lobotomy." "And who put her in the asylum?" " Her mother." " Right." "I called my mother from the lobby on a pay phone after I saw the film." "I said, "mother, how could you name me after her?" "She had such a horrible life."" " And you know what she said?" " What?" ""but she was so beautiful."" "So being beautiful" "Was important to your mother, yeah?" "I mean, she was beautiful." " Your mother?" " Yes." "People used to say that I looked like her," "But I didn't think so." "She had, I don't know," "A delicate beauty, you know?" "A natural grace." "This is Isabel, 1970." "She carried that picture around till the day she died." "She liked to show people how she looked in all her glory." "Um-hmm." "She's a very striking woman." "Trish thinks it's perverse that I carry" "This particular shot around with me." "She says it looks so posed." "She thought just because mother is obsessed with her looks" "Doesn't mean you have to be too." "And was she obsessed with her looks?" "Not at all." "I mean, I understand it, you know," "Wanting to hold on a little bit." "I was so critical of my looks when I was young." "Every little flaw." "Now I look at images from that time and I think," ""God, who is that gorgeous girl?"" "You want to own it." "You want to feel that way inside." "I like to remember my mother just like this." "Not the way she looked at the end in the hospital." "Her skin got so translucent it looked almost blue." "You know, she was so little and frail" "She looked like a tiny bird." "Even at the end, she still wanted" "To have her hair done every week." "So she her..." "she had her pride," "Her vanity." "Vanity?" "Well, yeah, maybe that's not the right word." "She still wanted to look her best." "That's what I meant." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Well, you told me that your mother" "Always wore her signature red lipstick." "That even in the hospital as she was dying," "She'd sit up and she would ask you" "To come and do her face." "I never told you that." "You never told me that?" "Her lipstick, we used to call it the "cherry."" "It was a classic..." "Maybelline cherry red." "I barely mentioned my mother here." "I certainly never said anything that specific." "Tricia told you that." "Maybe." "Maybe you're right." "Of course I'm right." "She told you that all those years ago." "You heard it and you have never forgotten it." "Honestly, I don't know why" "That particular detail came into my head." "I apologize if it upsets you." "I don't want to be confused with my sister." "Are you thinking about her, what she told you, while I'm talking?" " No, I... - because she has her own version of things." "You know, "vain"?" "That's what she chooses to call our dying mother?" "I don't know that that's what she actually said." "I was shooting a movie." "I was going back and forth to the set." "I was killing myself." "And my mother's lipstick," "That's what she remembers?" "Honestly, I don't think that that's all she remembers." "Yeah, well, what else did she say?" "What?" "Did she call me weak?" "Did she say I couldn't handle it?" "Because I wanted to help." "But Tricia wouldn't let me." "She did everything." "She practically moved into the hospital." "At night, you know, I would want to read to my mother" "Because she loved mysteries." "But no, Tricia said, "let her rest,"" "And sent me back to the hotel" "While she stayed." " Stayed at the..." " stayed in the hospital." "I mean, Tricia thought I was useless." "One morning I had to leave very early." "I had to get back to the set and I wanted to kiss my mother goodbye." "And I came to the hospital early" "And I went to the room" "And I saw Tricia." "She had climbed up in bed with mama" "And she had her arm around her." "They were lying in the bed." "Is that what you called her when you were a little girl?" "Mama?" "Well, my daddy died when I was five." "Trish was one." "Our mother used to cry all night." "And she would come into the bedroom and..." "She would take Trish out of the crib" "And take her back to bed with her to sleep." "I was wide awake, but she would choose Tricia every time." "It must have been very painful." "Well, Tricia didn't know what was going on." "Can you see how your sister became the nurturer," "The caretaker almost by accident" "Because she was cast in that role by your mother?" "Later on when you were older," "She asked your advice about becoming an actress." "Oh, back to that." "No, the truth is" "That Tricia was wonderful in that play." "She was really good." "But I never had the generosity" "To let her know so." "U can still tell her." "It's not too late." "You can still make amends." "I don't want to talk anymore." "I've talked enough today." "Okay." "But you know what could be helpful, actually?" "If you could just read this with me," "That would be great." "Isn't this what you used to do with Russell?" "Don't worry." "I'm not confusing you with Russell." "Russell was an asshole." "You actually," "You know, make me feel calm." "I thought I aggravated you most of the time." "So, uh, just read this part." "You know what?" "We..." "I'm sorry." "Ah, you're not gonna do it." "I understand that you're anxious." "No, you understand but you won't help me." "I would like to help you." " I just don't think that it's appropriate..." " I know." " Well, I just won't do anything." " Frances." "What?" "I'm about to be embarrassed in front of 1200 people." "I have no one in my life who's willing to help me," "And that obviously includes you."