"forgotten or changed by cruel kings who can hear only the whispers of these lost legends." "Scottie." "Take her down." "other tales become too frightening for future generations to impart to their young." "But other stories are lost to us because they don't test well with recruited audiences or because a movie is too long and the story must be cut for time." "This is one of those tales. the skim from the milk... and the surgeon guy from Prince and the Revolution." "Ron Burgundy." "Daddy's here." "San Diego." "and he gave me a cup!" "Ron Burgundy!" "You should do story about me." "Nikos." "Ron." "Bottoms up!" "booze." "brother." "I'm where you're at." "I like that fanny." "I'm in the book." "Ron Burgundy was at the peak of his power as an anchorman." "Old Glory." "Walking tall and sharing a desk with his beloved Veronica Corningstone." "who's that handsome devil? and they ruled with a mighty and sometimes sexy hand." "had recently been nominated for a National Excellence in Broadcasting Award and was out of town." "it was just Ron and the boys." "did you get lucky last night?" "No." "Last night... so I drove down to exico and shot some stray dogs." "pretty much standard Tuesday night." "what is that word?" " "Because"." " Bee-cose..." " Because." "Because." " Is that even a word?" "whose drink needs a freshening up?" "Anyone?" "hold the tonic." "Ron!" "I know." "I know I'm bad." "I've been a bad boy." "it's almost six." "Let's do what we're paid to do." "Unique New York." "A tarantula enjoys a fine chewing gum." "Chewing gum." "Snoopy was stabbed by a spear." "The Human Torch was denied a bank loan." "The arsonist has oddly-shaped feet." "The arsonist." "The arsonist." "Cue it." "Phil." "four..." "It's Channel 4 News at 6:00." "and this is what's happening in your world tonight." "An international coalition of countries has banded together to investigate and solve the mystery of the Bigfoot once and for all." "The conference held in unich included some of the top scientists boy." "If I were only 30 years younger..." "I mean I'd blow him." "...with some interesting new and shocking statistics here's Brian Fantana with a report you won't want to miss." "I conclude my five-part series on the evils of breast-feeding." "moms." "it looks like it's gonna be another great weekend." "Here to tell us about it is Brick Tamland with weather." "Brick?" "it got all the way up to 97 degrees really hot." "And I always make the same plea every year at this time." "If you've got pets and you're going to leave them in the car so that heat doesn't get into the car." "Lots going on in the world of sports." "Champ Kind is gonna let us know what's going down." "Big night for the Padres finishing up a three-game series with the Dodgers." "They lost the game 4-2." "what happens?" "I'll tell you what happens." "And... whammy!" "Dave Winfield takes Burt Hooten deep." "let's ready three." "Ron." "There was a special addition today at the San Diego Zoo as Linda the giraffe gave birth to a 42-pound baby boy." "Officials at the zoo say the baby giraffe will be named Freedom." "Looks like the Clippers might have themselves a new center." "that's hilarious." "San Diego." "All clear." "Ron Burgundy scores." "You're my boy. is having a pool party." "Every anchor in town is gonna be there." "I think it's time to show the fine gals of this city what a number-one rated news team looks like." "News team! it was time to do one thing:" "socialize... hard." "I couldn't do that." "I couldn't do that." "but it sounds like fun." "Ron." " Garth." "How's the divorce?" "Not good. y kids don't remember me..." "I don't have time." "You done with that?" "I think you are now." "Pete." "You look good." "So do you." "Konnichiwa." "everyone!" "Orgy!" "I misread the vibe." "Just go back to what you were doing." "Everybody get down!" "This is a robbery!" "We are The Alarm Clock!" "ring." " It all begins today!" " Heroes get blasted!" "I'm havin' a good time!" "This is a party!" "Come on!" "It's a revolutionary sure shot." "We're taking it all back." "'cause The Alarm Clock's ringin'." "Ding-a-ling-a-ding-ding-dong!" "You've got a real reason to be afraid!" "Hurry up! and the people of this city can wake up!" "Dig it!" "We are The Alarm Clock!" "that was one crazy party." "I feel awful." "literally." "I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation." "It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said." "y stomach's itchy." "and I shit a squirrel." "the thing was still alive." "So now I got this shit-covered squirrel don't know what to name it." "You should name him Shawn." "let's focus up." "everyone." "Here are the stories we're gonna be chasing today." "The radical protest group called The Alarm Clock robbed their third bank this morning. the network could need coverage." "Veronica had gone straight from the airport to the newsroom..." " Hello." " ...and Ron's heart nearly leapt sweet lady." "you are a big deal." "Take me." "Take me right now on this conference table." "baby!" "control yourself!" " Not with the lights on!" "Let's make a baby!" "This feels sexy!" "I am engorged!" "run!" " Put it back in!" "he didn't mean that!" "Take it out! Hey!" "Don't forget about me." " Look at this." " Yeah." "plenty of money to start the revolution. get people riotous in the streets." "Know what we should do with this money?" "I think we should buy a big bag of grass." "What about the revolution?" "Our mission is clearly stated in the manifesto." "man?" " I am writing the manifesto." "I'm beginning to start to think you just here for the..." "You wanna know what our cause is?" "we wanna know." "The group was at a crucial juncture." "Paul had put off writing the manifesto by smoking skunk-weed and jacking banks." "But now it was time to state the message or lose his hold on this band of dropouts and outsiders." "The TV!" "That's right!" "The TV! if we don't control this propaganda box the man will always control our minds and the minds of the people." "Just look at some of the lies they're telling." "hello." "I'm beloved anchor Ron Burgundy." "lately I'm hearing all this talk about kids reefer." "what's the deal with that?" "What happened to just getting high on good old clean life? or enjoying a pack of cigarettes on a hot summer day." "What happened to those simple pleasures?" "Did they die with the dinosaurs and the tyrannus rex?" "they didn't." "And there's only one book:" "That's the Bible." "So give it a read when you got a chance." "Bibles were in libraries." "good night." "The following has been a public service announcement..." " Listen to this shit!" " That Ron Burgundy is the devil." "We gotta take back the airwaves!" "he don't know the hell that's awaiting' him." "But he sure is handsome." "Frame up two." "Give me a tighter one on two." "I'm Ron Burgundy." "San Diego." "The group of bank-robbing radicals who call themselves The Alarm Clock have struck yet again." "Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive." "Brian?" "Police are baffled by this string of politically-motivated robberies." "They have little evidence and few leads." " All they can do is sit and wait..." " What is that stench?" "!" "Smells like a biker threw up on a pile of rotten shrimp." "why don't you keep it down?" "I'm on TV." "Ron." "Which proves yet again that even a blind man and his pet Japanese devil owl can find true happiness in this world we live in. just to collect..." "A story like that makes this job hard and great all at the same time." "A lot of emotion right now." "A lot of emotion." "Well... that's gonna do it for all of us here at Channel 4 News..." "I'm still shook up." "I'm still shook up." "That's gonna do it for all of us here at Channel 4 News." "San Diego." "What's that?" "made me think of a special lady that I happen to be driving with right now." "it's making me very nervous that you're not looking at the road." "Don't worry." "I know these streets like the back of my hand." "would you look at the road?" "...get killed!" " It's really making me very nervous." " This is a Pontiac Catalina." "It really handles well on the open road." "watch out." "Hold on." "All right. like a..." "like a unicorn or a princess." "Has anyone ever told you that?" "No." "Thank you." "I've never crashed this month." "And earlier last year..." "There's a Spanish family that's trying to cross the road... the Rodriguez family." "Do you like Thai food?" "You should look at that place over there. that place is not bad." "my God." "we're almost there." "Let me just parallel park here." "There you have it." "my." "r." "Burgundy." " I know." "It always takes my breath away." "Over there is the San Diego Observatory." "It's on the highest point of the city." "I've always had a dream of doing a broadcast from there." "Bouncing a telecast through the ilky Way and onto Jupiter's arrow." "Broadcasting..." "I like to call it." "Reaching people for hundreds and millions of miles." "So is this where Ron Burgundy goes when he's tired of being San Diego's number-one anchorman?" "You are a firecracker." "How is everyone?" "Good to see you." "Tino's. - it's charming and colorful." " Good." " r." "Burgundy." " Yes." "I was wearing a red tie with white speckles..." "Are you Paula Tran?" "r." "Burgundy." "Thank you." "We'll try to get you air conditioning this summer." "Take care." "This city really seems to love you. seven percent of which are predominantly Asian. the team found themselves even more alone and confused. and it was just popping around on this string." "it would just keep popping back up." "You guys would have loved it." "Let's do something." "I'm bored." "I got an idea." "huh?" "Whammy?" "Huh?" "Whammy." "Why the hell not?" "not again!" "You sons of bitches!" "That's the fifth time this month!" "I'm getting tired of it." "I was in Korea!" "I miss Ron." "r." "Burgundy." "I..." "I thought that you were just like every other anchor." "But... you're not." "I was so tongue-tied that night." "I..." "I kept wishing there was a TelePrompTer for life." "It's ridiculous to think about now." "Veronica?" "What are your hopes?" "What are your dreams? we share the same dream." "want to be a network anchor." "Boy!" "And I'd like to be king of Australia." "you sound like an insane person." "r." "Burgundy." "I've always been cursed with a talent for pursuits usually dominated by men." "I would play drill sergeant or butcher." "I was president of the bow-hunting club." "I just... and that was to be the first female anchor." "and difficult... and lonely." "You are electric. sounds to me like you better just be careful." "Just take some caution with this 'cause you're really making a lot of us feel uneasy with this type of talk." "I actually cared about someone more than Ron Burgundy." "That doesn't make any sense!" "she's a whole different person." "You care about her?" "That's just crazy." "then lock me up and throw away the key." "gang!" "Papa's home!" "I am so glad you're home." "y alabaster doll." "you look great." "No eye contact!" "oh!" "I've spent all day cleaning your Emmys and preparing dinner in the nude." "let's make whoopee." "You are a bad boy!" "I'm bad!" "I need to go to the principal's office." "I love my life!" "Ron." "Or you tell me right now that you're under some kind of spell or witchcraft or got bit by a horrible bug." " That's crazy!" " So where is Veronma... The Feline Fashion Show." "I hope she can handle it." "This is big time." "the bride and the pirate." "enacted by cats." "ready to do battle." "let's just do my sign-off and get out of here." "what you do." "aybe we can get an Orange Julius and you can tell me all about it." "please." "I noticed cables." "They go into your van." "I almost tripped and broke my leg." "can they broadcast news?" "We're about to go live in 20 seconds." "I can dig it." "wake up all the squares in this city of lies." "How about that Orange Julius?" "Get the hell away from me before I kick you!" "And we're on in three..." "It was quite a show down here at the Pet Shack." "fashion curiosity did not kill the cat." "It made him look "purr-fect"." "I'm Veronica Corningstone for Channel 4 News." "was Veronica Corningstone." "I'd also like to share with you that currently we are dating." "she's a creative partner in the bedroom." "She did this one thing on Tuesday night that involved a Hula-Hoop and a lasso" " and an ice-cream scooper." " Ron!" "that's going to do it for all of us here at 6:00." "I'm Ron Burgundy." "San Diego." "that's good." "That's just good." "You're not eating your food." "stupid man!" "Ron!" "Ron?" "I doubt anyone heard it." "I said it very fast." "you two." "it is remarkable." "Yeah." "I bet you're both great in the sack." "Let's just say we get the job done." "she knows how to handle herself." " Yeah." " OK." "I have a bad back." "so I have to watch out for that." "I will do some things in the bedroom" " that'll blow your mind." " Ron!" "enjoy your meal." "That was very nice." "Veronica." "I..." "I truly am!" "I don't know what to say." "I just..." "I got excited." "that's what I do." "And today's top story in Ron Burgundy's world read something like this:" "I love Veronica Corningstone." "Ron!" "Are you two about to get it on?" "maybe later." "stop answering him." " I'm just trying to be polite." "hi!" "Geoff Grendon." "I didn't introduce myself." "Geoff." "E-O-double F." " Geoff Grendon." " If you all need photos." " If you need wedding photography." " Great." "Or boudoir photography." "I'd love to write that down." "I don't have a pen... hey..." "Do y'all need more cheese?" "I can... can I have your napkin to write down Geoff's name?" " G-E-O-F-F..." " G..." "Grendon." " Grendon." "but he is my son and I would prefer if you didn't refer to him as "a dirty little animal"." "if that makes you feel happy." "But let me say I really feel that Chris is at a point that he's ready to turn everything around." "What's that?" "fair enough." "But let me just say..." "Let me just..." "Let me..." "OK." "sir." "You have a nice day." "Goodbye." "r." "Harken." "it's just parent stuff. was joyriding with a sheet of acid and a spear gun." "what can I do you for?" "I wanna investigate The Alarm Clock." "A source of mine at the FBI says that they are planning a citywide disruption." "and we'll see how that goes." "what if I refuse?" "then you'll probably be fired." "let me handle this." "sweet-pants." "for sexual harassment." "I like the sound of that." "Sexual her-ass-ment." "you have a lot to learn about a professional work environment." "You have a lot to learn about a professional work environment." "That is very immature and counterproductive." "That is very immature and counterproductive." " Stop it." "Stop it!" " "Stop it." "Stop it." " Stop it!" " "Stop it." "Nobody has done that to me since I was in the sixth grade." "No one has done that to me since I was in the sixth grade." "Harken!" "are you coming on to me?" "I am interested! some would even say too well." "Veronica continued to win awards and garner praise." "Ron's ego finally gave. but he would not be outshone by her." "She's got to be stopped." " This has gone too far." " I will not be a co-anchor." "Ron Burgundy is a lead anchor." "Ron." "Not to mention what this is doing to your chances of going to network." "It's good to have you back." "That female messed with your head big-time." "Brick." "Remember that fairy that was supposed to do financial reports?" "we were 51 percent sure he was gay." "all right." "I made out with him at the Christmas party." " What?" " Nothing." "I say we run Corningstone out like we did that girlie-boy." "I'm in." "it's settled." "We declare war on Corningstone." "what is that you're eating?" "it's one of those delicious falafel hot dogs with cinnamon and bacon on top." "What do you mean "one of those"?" "Those don't exist." "That's a used coffee filter with cigarette butts on it." "I got it out of the food basket at the end of the lunch line." "That's the garbage can." "there's not much difference." "Whammy." "that is true." "I didn't see that coming." "An astute observation has led to laughter." "We are laughing." "Ron. and it's done." "Ron." "please." "You're really gonna get sick." "The Coast Guard was unavailable for comment." " Veronica?" " A North Oregon man has come forward with an antique sword he found in his basement." "000." "The man said he would keep his job as a car wash attendant." "Ron?" "The..." "San Diego Padres flew to Cincinnati." "Veronica Corningstone." "it is." "Did you order... ten pizzas?" "I did not." " Well you got nice boobies." "Excuse me?" "Ron." "Ron?" "She can see us." "I never figured them out." "Lasers are becoming more and more a part of our daily lives." "And now here's Champ Kind with sports." "honey." "It must be that time of the month." "Whammy!" "Padres looking at a double header today... do you even know what the expression "that time of the month" means?" "I do." "It's when the bones in a lady... they get sore." "Because of the... the vaginalistic cells are... expanding." "Whammy." "Help." "I'll tell you... you talk about it a lot and you..." "I know..." "I know... you gotta wear protection." "the belly button is inflamed and..." "And then engorging of the..." " ...fah-la-cule." "Yeah." " "Fallacule"." "honey." "I am." " Little lesson tonight." "probably there." "huh?" "Champ." "Ron." "that was Champ Kind with a very informative sports report." "it's ringing." "here she comes." " Pick it up." " Pick it up!" "Veronica Cor..." "Veronica." "Ron!" "boys!" "Really stupid!" "you got her." "this is a robbery!" "We are The Alarm Clock!" "It's time to let the truth ring out and wake up all the squares in this city of lies!" "We got guns." "Now fill this sack with cash!" "What do your masks mean?" "Just fill the sack with cash!" "Just what point are you trying to make?" "of course we like Lincoln." " He freed the slaves." " So you like Lincoln and Nixon and... werewolves?" "whatever." "but werewolves?" "Werewolves are the walking undead." "They're bloodthirsty killers." " Who likes werewolves?" " We don't like werewolves!" " We hate werewolves!" " You've got a werewolf mask on..." " I can see that." " Are you bloodthirsty killers?" "we are not bloodthirsty killers." "We're pacifists! 'cause now I know you're not gonna kill me." "listen." "OK?" "They're just to cover our faces." "you didn't deserve it." "You say you're a political group? I'm gonna make connections." "what's your statement?" "And this guy's not even wearing a mask!" " 'Cause I don't give a shit." " That's scary to me." "That works." "I will give that gentleman a little bit of money." "beat it!" "What's going on?" "Get the money! not consistency." "Now fill the sack with cash!" "your commitment is to truth?" "Here's some truth." "The Alarm Clock is a ridiculous name." "she's pissing me off! hell no." "ma'am." "I didn't know what sex the werewolf was." "How many werewolves do you see around here wearing a skirt and a gun?" "None!" "you dicks!" "You're a bunch of dicks!" "I told you we should've worn stocking masks." "let's get out of here!" "let's go." "Come on." "A pleasure doing business with you." "I'm coming back for you." "You got a bad attitude." "sir." " You... you're a jerk." "I'm sick of this." "I'm gonna move to Tahoe." "baby." "I promise." "please." "get down!" "it's time to let the truth ring out and wake up all the squares in this city of lies." "We got guns." "Now fill this sack with cash!" "Turn it off." "which could mean they're desperate." " How new is this?" " Forget it." "Channel 9 aired it as an exclusive." "man nipple!" " "an nipple"?" " Is that a curse word?" " I'm pretty sure it is." "Ed." "We could've used a scoop like this." "Wake up all the squares in this city of lies." "I've heard that somewhere before." "Really?" "Doesn't ring a bell to me." "Donna?" "Donna?" "Donna?" " I'm sorry." "You OK?" " Yes." "I need the unedited tape of the cat fashion show I did a while back." " Do you have that?" " Sure." "wonderful." "thank you." "Can I say I think you're fantastic?" "and you're just going." "girl!" "girl!"" " Keep working on that." "lady." I don't know." " That's probably silly." " Are we done here? - very much." " And you're pretty." "And I'm bisexual." "I'm having a fondue party in my pants." " You have to move off-camera." " I can dig it." "wake up all the squares in this city of lies." "put Harken on the phone right now." "He's gonna wanna hear this." "Sons of bitches." "Ed?" "Can you spell "award"?" "You can't? Veronica Corningstone." "It's Channel 4 News at 6:00." " I'm Ron Burgundy." " And I'm Veronica Corningstone." "Tonight's top story." "A chemical spill outside of Temecula has closed down all lanes of Interstate 1 5." "CHP has evacuated the area and has reported that there are no injuries." "Local officials are concerned about the long-term environmental effects and are looking where to place the blame." "Billy." "I've witnessed train wrecks that weren't this ugly. it's gonna cost you extra. so you're gonna have to dig a little deeper." "Fine!" "Ron." "it's been a bear." "are you?" " Nope." "I wouldn't think any less of you if you did." " I'm not gonna cry." " All right." "this girl is good." "She is damn good." " She is a dynamic anchor." " Yeah." "She is a hell of a journalist in the field." " I know you don't wanna hear it." " I get it." "I think it's time that I get out on the streets you know?" "I wanna..." "I wanna... and I think I'd make a hell of a reporter." "I think that is a bad idea." "You don't do well without a TelePrompTer." "OK?" "let me put together a weekly feature where I rip the lid off of some big story." "dick." " What was that all about?" " That's my son." "people seem to like you." "I'm not sure why." "I'll put you in the field if that's what you want." " Great." " You've got to do this right." "confirm sources." "my friend." "what's a lead?" "a lead is when you find information that leads you to larger stories." " You know what a source is." " Easy." "Yes." "I don't know." "jeez." "Why don't you just watch Corningstone?" " She has a handle on what's going on." " OK." "viewing tapes." "She's probably got dozens ofjuicy leads." " I'll watch her like a hawk." " You do that." "I have confidence." " I'm gonna go grab some steam." " Great." "I'm gonna go grab some steam." "See you back at the office." "Ed." "I won't let you down." "Helen?" "has anyone been at my desk?" "I am missing some very important papers that I need" "Ron came by." "He said there were naked pictures of him." "so..." "What?" "He did what?" "that... man!" "I hope that crazy gypsies castrate him and feed it to the dogs!" "ay I have some tea?" "of course." "You have such passion." "I've got a hot lead right here." "Really?" "Where'd you get it?" "what is it? is head of the political group known as The Alarm Clock." "my golly." "This is great." "Wow." "This is a big story." "You could win the Wurlitzer for this." "a camera." "you guys are coming to the dinner." "gang?" " Sweet sugar brown." "Brian." "We're about to rip the lid off of this thing." "and it's time to rip the lid off of it!" "reporting to you from the mean streets of San Diego." "I feel frightened for my life." "citizens?" "A political radical among you." "But I'm now going to..." "rip the lid off of it!" "Let's go." "Hurry up." "Be swift!" "Be swift!" "guys." "stay sharp." "devil?" " What?" " You heard what I said." "You are the devil incarnate." "a devil sandwich made of lies and hubris?" "I think you must have the wrong house." "Hauser lives across the street." "isn't it?" "I ought to knock you in the hip." "y name is Anthony Caltran." "you filthy piece of trash?" "You should go back to prison where every pervert can pass you around for cigarettes." "I don't understand." "What's happening?" "Would you like to tell the fine people of San Diego what you've been up to." "deceit." "buffoonery." " e?" "I don't like the way you're looking at me." "because you are a low-life scum who doesn't pay taxes and is a Communist." "not I." "What would you say if I boxed you in the ears for San Diego?" "This ring right here that says RB." "I'd knock and break both..." "the pair of spectacles you have on." "I got problems with my ears." "I don't need any more." "I'll give you more problems." "I'll give you problems in your kidneys." "hold on to the microphone." " I'm going to town." " Ron?" "he's right." "The mailbox says Caltran." "We've got the wrong house." "you have a great day." "Wrong house." "that's OK." "That's what happens in the news biz." "guys." "pick up the pace! I'd like to say thank you for letting us interview you on such short notice." "I don't know why you guys wanna talk to me." " I just sell tropical fish." " Duly noted." "I have to start with one question:" "Are you the leader of a radical group known as The Alarm Clock?" " No." " Sorry to have bothered you." "let's get that cable up and let's just shove out of here." "I think we should... yes." "Then how do you respond to these security photos of you outside the bank five minutes before it was robbed by four members of the group?" "Brick." "Look alive." "that happens to be my bank." "Just because I go there doesn't make me a dangerous radical." "you could arrest anybody who's ever been to a bank." "you know?" "you know?" " I sell tropical birds." " Right." "I'm not even..." "I'm not much for politics." "I am sorry." "Big hearty handshake." "and maybe go get lunch at Lancer's." "I think I'll have a veal chop." "Would you stop coughing!" " Look at these." " Do you need a lozenge?" "right." "How could I forget?" "Then how do you explain this clear voice match between you and the man in the security cam footage?" "A lot of guys talk like I do." " aybe it's my brother." " Your brother?" " Hadn't thought of that." " Or..." "Or maybe The Alarm Clock is going off!" "Ron Burgundy!" "Let the truth ring out!" "Follow him with the camera!" "he's fast." "we really ripped the lid off of that!" "He took the van." "my God." "He is a member of The Alarm Clock." "what do we do now?" "Paul Hauser has disappeared. but now must start from scratch." "Ron." "I appreciate that." "It sure was." "as a journalist." "I'm a very good journalist." "I'm a damn fine journalist." "I'm sensing some jealousy." "But that's part of the game." "Sometimes some people are better and other people aren't. he's gonna have a little weather report for you." "We have a hot one in store over here in Fallbrook." "you can expect on Tuesday..." "Brick." " We'll be right back." " We'll be right back." "Huh?" "That's how you do it." "P.S." " Unbelievable." "Unbelievably good." "that came off well." "I couldn't have done it without you guys." "Ron was fired that night by Ed Harken." "he hit bottom... fast." "we trusted you." "Ron bottomed out as fast as just about anyone." "He sometimes bottomed out when he couldn't find a parking place or if the sports section was missing from the paper." "I feel like I'm explaining this too much." "I'm recording narration." "Turn that phone off." "he hit bottom." "It's Channel 4 News at 6:00." "Veronica Corningstone." "This just in." "Harken!" "000." "For crying out loud!" "Ron Burgundy." "I hope you're happy." "I'm trying to just enjoy my ribs." "San Di..." "San Diego." "All clear." "I needed that research last week." "get it to me as soon as possible." "Thank you." " iss Corningstone?" " Yes?" "I tried calling the mayor's office." "They won't call back." "Try again." "Tell them that it's me and that he owes me something." "He knows that." "Lloyd?" "would you put Ron on the phone?" "You know what?" "Forget it." "no." "I'll call him later." "The V's aren't working on my typewriter." "that can't say that." "y name's not Eronica." "What did I do wrong?" "I'm not home right now" "I am not home so leave a message" "When the machine goes beep" "Jess Moondragon." "I thought maybe you'd like to talk." "Jess help me." "Jess." "until I found this piece of land." " It's God's country." " agnificent." "huh?" "she is." "Didn't even bother to put on make-up." "I'd deeply like to take her and make love to her." "other Nature." "to feel her succulent breasts pressed against me... baby" while I fumble with my belt." "friend?" "I do." "for she turns away all suitors. then go in the bedroom and do things you can only do in Bangkok." "I have to stop you there." "You're making me very uncomfortable." "I..." "other Nature does that to me." "So I guess you heard what happened to me." "old friend." "Jess." "I can't work anywhere." "y dream of going network is all but dead." "you listen to me. so you just hang in there." "That's your advice? "Hang in there?" "I don't know why you ever looked up to me so much in the first place." "I'm not all that great a guy." "then I guess I'll be going." "it's funny." "I always wanted to do a broadcast from the observatory." "I bet you could reach a million homes from up there." "I'd be happy to reach just one." "Why don't you take a naked nature walk with me?" "I'm not gonna do that." "and everything's just hanging free." "sniff you." " Not my style." " It's neat." "Bend over to pick a flower" "I'm getting uncomfortable." "I got extra sandals." "come on..." " Nope." "Nope." " You'd like it." "It'd make me happy." " Nope." " ake an old man happy." " Not gonna do it." " Come on." "iss Anchor-liar." "Guess what?" "Now you're gonna read the real news." "I ate some of your cottage cheese." "What're you doing?" "Give me the whistle." "come on." " ove!" " ove it." "How many times we had this conversation? so listen up." "You cannot hang around people's houses at night" "I'm doing stuff." "Dad." "God. see what you gotta see leave like a gentleman. - don't try to "shut them up."" " Is it cool if I smoke a joint?" "dude." "Will you put that thing out?" "I'm 14!" "See the hair on my chest?" "It means I'm a man now." "I didn't see it." "You think you're tough?" "Swing." "I'll hit you so hard you'll wear a catheter as a charm bracelet." "I'm right here!" "I'm gonna kill myself!" "promises!" " Ed!" "Sorry to interrupt." " We're having a father and son chat." "Veronica's IA." "The police found this note in her apartment." "iss News Witch will read the truth." Signed The Alarm Clock." "See?" "I told you I wasn't part of that group." "it looks like I owe your mother $1 0." "Always accusing me." "don't bogart myjay!" "What's up?" "Oh... never mind!" "I'll hold that as evidence." "You take this down to fingerprinting." "do we?" "Just file it." "You'd do well to emulate that man." "He's pulled himself up by bootstraps." "Take this and put it in the files." "that's a nice mouth." "I suppose you wanna be like your friend who's so proud of himself 'cause he's a model prisoner." "Spider at least has a good heart." "In local news Dr. Jim Bavelick grew the world's largest tomato." "you need to take a bath." "You're starting to stink." "You don't talk to me like that." "I'm an anchorman." "Ace?" "Ace!" "I'll crush your balls in these two cups here." " What did you say?" " I said I'll crush..." "Wes Mantooth reporting from the residence where last night she was kidnapped by The Alarm Clock." "Veronica." "Police believe the group is trying to get Corningstone to anchor a pirate broadcast from an unknown location twisted message." "odds are she's probably already dead." "I wonder where those hippies took her." "It must be somewhere with a big enough broadcast radius..." "Eli Whitney's nose!" "I know where they are!" "The San Diego Observatory." "It's the highest point in the area." "Call the cops." "There's a phone by the door. those crazies could panic." "I did this." "Now I have to make it right." "I'm Ron Burgundy." "Son of a man nipple." "other-flippin' Ron Burgundy is back." "I'm gonna need my news team at my side." "assemble!" "Ron." "all right?" "I'm glad we're back together as a team." "man." "Ron." "Ron." "Why is everyone ignoring me?" "Ron." "And I think we should adopt a child together in Vermont." " Answer me!" " So the car's running great." "yeah." " Take it in for a tune-up?" " Yeah." "Changed the oil and..." " Good." "Answer me!" "Ron!" "Ron..." "I know you heard me." "I love you." "And I wanna be with you like men." "I wanna be inside you." "I want you inside me." " Anybody up for the radio?" " I would love to hear the radio." "No radio!" "I have something to say to Ron!" "You know I've had feelings for you for a long time." "I..." "I..." "I'm a good cook." "Do you like your feet rubbed?" "I bet you do." "and maybe we could get married in a ceremony presided over by Roger Staubach." "I hope that's OK." "exican food on me?" "burrito." "Champ Burgundy"." "Say it!" "Tostada." "man." "I am in love with Ron Burgundy!" "Ron." "I have dream journals about you." "Filled pages." "I close my eyes and think of you when I finish." "Ron Burgundy" "Is in love with me" "Ron Burgundy" "And Champion Kind let's be so beautiful together" "Running in the grass" "In the summer and the fall" "And wintertime too" " How much longer you think?" " It's gotta be another five minutes." " The problem is the altitude." " Right." "Ron?" "I know you can hear me." "I wanna..." "I wanna kiss you on the mouth." "I wanna..." "Ron..." "Ron." " Good to get my parking spot back." " Yeah." "I love you!" "Don't ignore me!" "I am in love with Ron Burgundy!" "girl." "the transmitter's all set up. every frequency." " Dig it." "It's time to light this bad boy up." "I'm gonna tell you." "gentlemen." "Everything is ready for you." "Jess oondragon." "you should really put some pants on." "the observatory is directly over that mountain pass." " Right." " That's some rough country." " How're we gonna get up there?" " As I said everything is ready for you." "Channel 4 News Team!" "God be with you!" "this is not a... don't do that to him." "fellas." "Give 1 1 0 percent." "Come on!" "We've almost got it!" "gang." "This is treacherous country." "y ankle." "bad news." "I believe we're lost." "What're we gonna do?" "We don't have food or water." "relax!" "we die!" "OK?" "Easy!" "Now... let's check the wind direction." "shut up!" "Everyone shut up!" "We've got or maybe even months." "I don't know." "RB." "You're talking about cannibalism." "Am I?" "Is that what I'm talking about?" "I guess I am." "I'm talking about cannibalism." "Developed by the Japanese in the 1 800s and now we're going to use it in present-day time." "The eating of flesh for the sustention of life." "What do you think of that?" "It's about to happen!" "It'll have to be the weakest one." "I don't know if I can eat a friend." "I once ate an entire bowl of LEGOS." "Brick!" "I just don't care!" "Brian?" "It's fine." "I barely even feel it any more." "please." " Don't struggle." " What are you guys doing?" "Come on." "It's for the good of the group." "Just lay down so we can eat you." " No." " Don't make this harder you bastards!" "Ron." "Don't need you being implicated in this murder." "Hush little baby Daddy's coming to eat you" "Mamma's gonna buy you a back of your calf he won't care." "that's fine." " You're a lot leaner." "guys." "like a stream" " or a meadow." " Stay away from me!" "yeah." "back!" " Let me do it." "I've wanted to do this for a long time." "Dreamt of it." "Dreams of Fantana!" " Stay away!" " I'm gonna eat your face" "Ron!" "and I'll kill this man!" "come on!" "Drop the rock." "Drop the rock." " It was an accident." " Pretend I'm a wolverine." "I'll give you a wolverine." " We had to eat him!" " Don't struggle." "It's for the group." "I've never even slept with a lady!" "you guys." "Look at the big white bubbly building!" "team." "Let's move out." "Keep a tight perimeter." "Nice job." "it's real simple." "Just like when we were back together in 'Nam in '64." "I'll take point..." "Corporal Burgundy." "I'm running this show now." "a-ffir-ma-tive?" " Affirmative." "right flank. to a cobra double-helix formation." "If we encounter any hostiles silent throat cuts only." "On my... mark." "Looks like the captain's back." " Any word yet from the police?" " Nothing." "No sign of her." "No one's heard from the rest of the news team either." "I hope they find them soon." "These weekend anchors we have to fill in are... just not cutting it." " One of our own is missing." " Ready two." "is missing." "We are looking for any information we have on the lady." "And you can call..." "you can call this number." " Where's the friggin' number?" " Ready two." "I do have a message for one of our viewers." "don't be scared." "they called last minute." "I will cut your hair tomorrow." "I want them off the air now!" "Why don't you think about losing the beard?" "I guess her name..." "I can't..." "Ian!" "I can't find the number!" "I told you I was for real. this city's gonna go crazy with the truth." "it's almost done." "I gotta get a new typewriter ribbon." "It's all up here." "be careful." "Blink and you're dead 'cause we're in Rome now." "if it isn't Whitey cWhitington." "I can't believe you came for me." "I've been thinking about you every second." "Part of the time wanting to kill you because of my hatred." "wanting to make love to you in a 24-hour endless cycle." "there's something that you should know." "I wasn't myself." "and I'm sorry." "my little chinchilla." "we wouldn't be here right now." "iss Corningstone." "we're going live." "you will read our statement." " The hell I will." " Then we kill you. and I would rather die than lose my credibility." "I'll do it." "I've just been informed by law enforcement this is the largest search-and-rescue operation ever to be conducted in the San Diego metropolitan area." "Is this worth our tax dollars?" "aybe it is." "You decide that. this is a frightening and confusing story." "San Diego." "pull up a chair." "Put your hand on the TV set." "We'll get through this thing together. human being." "Listen up." "We're going live on the air in two minutes." "I'm ready to go here." "But I have to be honest with you." "it's not your best work." "It's awful." "But I can't possibly read this on the air." "it needs to be typed and preferably double-spaced." "I don't know." "enough." "I'm..." "I'm almost finished." "I'm almost done." "I've just got to..." "Paul?" "man." "read it." "here it is!" "Here is how The Alarm Clock will change the world forever!" "you know how when we... and then we throw out the bottles and cans?" "how about we start saving those bottles and cans?" " Reuse them." " You are a lunatic." "you'd need a whole 'nother garbage can for the bottles." "wait..." "What about...?" "You didn't get to the part about electric cars so we don't have" " to be dependent on foreign oil!" " Electric cars?" "are you high right now?" "aren't you?" "I know you took some of my weed!" "Some of my weed is missing out of my purse." "It was you!" "I would just shoot him right now. man." "You know what?" "I cannot believe I did you in the hammock." "then you treat me like this." " I have had it!" " We can't read this crap on the air. so that we could talk to each other" " with the computers." " That's gonna happen." "did you eat lunch today?" "You'll make us look like some kind ofjoke." "anchorman." "Get on the TV and make us sound good." "get on there and do some of that newspeak so we can have the people hear about truth and freedom." "man." "It's just not that simple." "I need a TelePrompTer and I need proper copy." " Then the pretty lady dies." " Ron." "make us sound good or the lady dies." "I can't! and we're live." "Daddy?" "What happened to the TV?" " What in the Sam Hill?" " It's on all three channels." "Not a thing I can do." "They're breaking our signal." "What the hell's wrong with him?" "Good Lord!" "He's got no teleprompter." "He... has no words." "Wash... washcloth." "Damn it." "y name is Ron... y name is Jack... just say it." "Camel..." "Process the informa..." "It's just a blank slate." "it's a blank slate." "man!" "Smoke that chick!" "say something." "y name is Kyle..." "y name is Big ark." "It's too loud." "It's too loud." "y name is Big..." "Too loud." "I'm Ron Channely..." "I'm ark A-As-Aspen." "pancake." "Astronauts are on the oon." "There's astronauts everywhere." " Watch out for the astronauts." " Ron." "I can't do it." "baby." " Let it flow." "Let it flow." " I can feel it." "I can feel it." "reporting from life." "I'd first like to apologize for my past and hateful transgressions." "dear San Diego." "I'd like you to know that I'm safe." "I'm under the careful scrutiny of a group of young upstarts who call themselves The Alarm Clock. they are on the road to righteous truth." "that's it." "Use them anchorman tricks." "Have all them people follow us. near the pickle stand..." " Wait." "He's giving directions to where they are." " Take this down." " ...to Old Gearson Road." "A group that outshines many of the radicals..." " Good." "You're good." " ...we come across today." "that needn't be observed a telescope in an observatory." " He's narc-ing!" " He's telling the cops where we are!" "Charlie!" "yo!" "We've been burned!" "What in the name of Solomon?" "What the shit?" "I'm gonna kill these punks." " News team!" " Let's rock." "team." " Garbanzo!" "It's just a new catch phrase I was trying out instead of whammy." "Champ." "Whammy works." "I like whammy better." "Stick with whammy." "I'm not a fake!" "Let the revolution begin!" "Veronica!" "Ron!" "that hurt!" "you took a bullet for me." "And I would not do that again." "but that... it hurts like a bitchy-bitch." "there are literally thousands of men but I love you." "cuff me back up." " Yes." " You're gonna get cuffed." " Cuff me back up." "Yes!" "now we're doing this." "yeah." " Yeah!" "Yeah!" "you're cutting off the circulation to my hindquarters." " It's hypnotic..." " Release the pressure." " ...yet disgusting." " I'm gonna pass out." "baby." " That feels good." "That's nice." "Now it's gonna get good." "Now it's gonna get good." "get that off." "baby?" " Yes." " Did it hurt?" "Let me wake up the black lady." "cuff me." "cuff..." "Cuff me." "yes!" "slap me." " What do I slap?" "Daddy!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "ommy likes those tomatoes!" " I wanna bite it!" " I like those tomatoes!" " I'm hungry." " Yeah." "We don't need to see this." "Let's go to Charlie Lancer's and get you a candle." " Candle!" " A nice red one." "Brian Fantana is still a successful reality TV host." "he married Paula Abdul." "and Lorenzo Lamas was the best man." "Champ Kind has fallen on hard times since being fired as an NFL commentator. and will say "whammy!" at birthday parties for $20 and a 1 2-pack of Stroh's. where he is now the CEO of Halliburton." "I'm with the network." "We're doing a "when the newsman becomes news" angle." "How would you like to report your own story?" "huh? you need the best journalist." "And that would be this little lady right behind me." "you can." "and that's a fact." "Ron." " Can you feel it?" "very special and emotional moment." "I've learned to accept you for who you are and I'm a much better man because of it." " Ron." " It's so special." "you're wrecking it." "Right." "my little wild flower." "reporting for Channel 4 News. if not for the quick thinking of one brave man:" "I hate you." "I respect you." "Wes Mantooth is still in San Diego and still number two." "And he still hates Ron Burgundy with an unnatural burning intensity. started a little company called Macintosh." "They are now worth six billion dollars and own the San Jose Sharks hockey team." "All photos and tapes of Ron Burgundy have long since been thrown away or erased." "He's but a memory now for a select few." "and they'll lean in and say one thing:" "Ron Burgundy was the truth."