"CHEF'S SPECIAL" "A man who cooks." "We scald the tips of the asparagus, and then we cool them, so they come out smooth and green." "We use the blended asparagus to make the tears, which glisten and have a liquid filling, so they burst when bitten into." "Later, we sprinkle it with cryogenized cocoa butter, and we put the tail and the pincer of the lobster on the grill." "We turn it over with the spatula and set it aside." "Finally, to plate the lobster, we put the pincer face up." "Beside it, the pearls and asparagus tips." "And let's not forget to add a hint of oriental flavor, oyster sauce." "We crown it with the lobster juice and asparagus and make it sensual with a soft sea mousse." "Please, what a dish!" "So insinuating, so seductive." "Am I the only one hearing this?" "It's screaming to be eaten and enjoyed by someone." "Remember, people don't just come here to eat." "They seek pleasure, to satisfy their fantasies." "They come here for us to give them a good fuck." "Boss, you're not going to believe this." "At table five." "A guy from..." "Shit, it's a well-known brand name." "The one with the doll that stands like this." " What?" " Yeah, shit." "Don't look at me like that." "Think about it..." " Ramiro..." " What's the word?" "Like your spare tire..." "Michelin!" "An inspector from the Michelin guide!" "What?" "Ramiro..." "Ramiro, if this is another friend of yours after a free meal..." "No, boss." "I swear on my mother's breast milk." "Though in a sucking contest, we know who'd be the winner." "Seriously, boss." " Take a look." " God." "Look at all those notes!" "He's either writing a book or he's inspecting the shit out of us." "He certainly looks like an inspector." "Well..." "Well..." "We all knew this moment would come." "We know what we have to do." "Stop standing around!" "Move it, move it, move it!" "Everybody stop!" "What did he order?" "What's his first dish?" "Sautéed gizzard with mushrooms." "Look, sweetie." "You have less than one minute to prepare me a proper sauté or your unborn baby will never meet its mother." "Let's everybody concentrate on this order." " Paula, start the gizzard sauté." " Coming." "Dae-su, the sea bass." "Ramiro, dessert." "Apricot tartan." "Alex..." "I need a good combination." "Alex!" "Alex!" "Where's my fucking maitre d'?" "Where's my fucking maitre d'?" "To hell with men!" "To hell with love!" "To hell with Machin and his fucking boleros!" "You reek of alcohol." "Stay away from the stove." "You'll blow us up." "Shut up!" "It's all your fault!" "All men are to blame!" "You're all sons of bitches!" "You!" "Son of a bitch!" "You, son of a bitch!" "You!" " In your case being a homo is enough." " Yeah." "Your boss the homo, that's me." "Get the sea bass!" "Half a degree too hot, and it will file a bunion!" "I'm stupid." "And naive." "For thinking this jerk was different." "You should have seen how he treated me." "Saying he felt trapped in a marriage that wasn't working, and you had given him the will to live." "You opened his eyes." "Alex, please." "You're the only one with your legs still open." "How could I be so stupid?" "Who cares?" "With that ass, you can get away with anything." "The red mullet for table eight." "Let's go!" "You see, Maxi?" "That's how they all see me." "Like a blow up doll." "Except you." "You're the only one who sees me as a person." "Maxi, I love you." " I love you a lot." " Somebody get this drunk out of here!" "Why do you treat me like this?" "You're a great guy." "They all talk shit about you behind your back, but I don't agree with them." "Don't look at me like that." "You're all wrong." "Maxi has a heart." "He's not a freaky homo who needs a good bone." "A freaky homo who needs a good bone?" "For your information, there are plenty of freaks who need a good bone out there." "But I'll be the first with a Michelin star!" "I love that look, when they wish they could lick the plate." "After my dessert, he'll need to change underwear." "Here comes the boss!" "My fellow workers he loved it." "So Ramiro, please." "Could you please read this out loud?" "Yes, please." ""José Luis Gaitero," "Northeastern Area Representative, Michelin Tires."" "What?" "A tire salesman." "And we expected a Michelin star from that guy?" "The only thing he can give us is a discount on rims and tires!" "Fuck!" "I almost had a fucking heart attack over a tire salesman." "Come on, boss." "Don't be discouraged." "We took it in the ass, fine." "But that's how you like it." "I was only trying to be funny." "We're all too tense." "Alejandra, please!" "I have to go to the restaurant." " Look at the outfit I bought." " Yeah, yeah." "Come on." " 180 Euros." " Yeah, yeah." "Look at my tits." "Look at them." "Look!" "And the panties?" "What do you think?" "I think you're so horny, you'll have to peel them off." " Come on." " What?" "Come on." " Why don't men like me?" " Come on." "Am I not good-looking?" "Look at me." " Don't I make you horny?" " You make me nervous." "Don't laugh." "Come on." "I've told you a thousand times." "Keep the muffy zipped up during working hours." "And stop crying." "Look at your mascara." "Well, at least one part of you got wet today." "I've had it!" "No more!" "I won't take another single insult from a man!" "What are you doing?" "Let go of me!" "I need an affectionate man, who makes me feel like a woman and who'll fuck me until I break in half!" "You said you'd do anything for me!" "Stop making noise and eat some pussy, you faggot!" "Well, the clamp is definitely a good technique." "But I think I'll stick with Pilates." "Judo isn't my thing." "Can I help you?" "Just trying to move in." "You go right ahead." "I'd hate to spoil your snack." "Look at her laughing." "Sure, this must be funny." "Too bad I don't think it is." "Maybe because I'm not a jerk." "I was only joking." " Your boyfriend is upset." " He's not my boyfriend." "I'm single." "And you're Horacio Peretti, the soccer player." "The one on TV." "Ex-soccer player." "Did I say I'm single?" "Yeah, I'm happy for you, but I have more boxes to bring up." " By the way, nice bra." " Thanks." "The bald guy isn't my boyfriend!" "Don't be afraid." "Come closer." "Son of a bitch!" "It's her medication." "Must have given her an extra dose." "Shit." "I was expecting something nicer after all this time." "Or at least something more original." "But it's no surprise." "You always did insult me." "Did I?" "Know what I remember?" "Your pants around your ankles while you took it in the ass from my cousin from Barcelona." "Marta, we're not alone." "That lady doesn't care." "So this is the gem, huh?" "Marta!" "Now he's ashamed." "Just like I was when I was pregnant at your son's communion!" "And eight months!" "You have some nerve..." "Scumbag!" "Is this what you called me for?" "To tell me our marriage was a farce?" " That I ruined your life?" " And with two kids." "Yeah, two kids you haven't let me see in seven years." "You must not care very much." "You still haven't asked about them." "Well, how are they?" "How the fuck are your kids?" "About to lose their mother, you jerk!" "Maxi." "Holy shit!" "He could be your son!" " He is my son, you idiot!" " Your son?" "Yes!" "And keep your voice down." "You'll wake up my daughter." "Your daughter?" "Go on." "They hate me." "They must hate me." "Shit." "I can feel it." "Boy, can I ever." "Their eyes don't say, "Hi, Daddy."" "They say, "This selfish homo is my father?"" "You went to your wedding in a carriage?" "You can't blame them, because I really, really screwed up." "Is that you running with the bulls?" "But they have to understand." "I couldn't stay there after what happened." "And you smoked cigars?" "Yes, Alejandra, I smoked cigars, drank booze, and slept with hookers." "But that's behind me now, so let's forget that part of my life." "How can you if it's sleeping in your bed?" "This must be so hard on the kids." "And the poor mother." "She was so young." "Poor?" "She's in heaven." "I'm the one who's screwed." "Listen to yourself." "I don't know what I'm saying." "I haven't slept all night." "Look at the bags under my eyes." "What can I do?" "Send them to live with my parents?" "Well?" "I can't leave them with Marta's sister." "She's always in and out of detox." "I'll put them up for adoption." "They're cute kids." "Somebody will want them." "Alejandra, you hit me!" "I should have hit you harder." "Maxi, you're their father!" "Their father!" "I know that, but how will I ever love them?" "I wasn't at all enthusiastic about making them." "And you can tell." "Just look how dopey-looking they are." "Red mullet for table two!" "Cristina, please, we have to sauté." "Rack of lamb for table eight." " And where's my turbot?" " Coming right up." "What are you looking at?" "How well you work." "Not to mention how handsome you look today." "Very handsome." "You make a man want to take a walk on the wild side." "Are you hitting on me?" "I warn you, if we do it, you get to be the girl." " No, I didn't mean..." " What do you want?" "A friend of mine's coming from London, and I need a day off." "Why didn't you say so?" "Okay, everybody." "Please stop working." "Turn off all the burners and everybody stay put." "Holy shit, the bank!" "Call the bank and say we can't pay this month because Ramiro's idiot friend is coming!" "Paula." "Paula, he's here." "He came back again." "Look, he couldn't be any better looking." "Too bad his injury made him retire early." "Too bad?" "For a guy working on TV making cash and doing it with a different girl every night?" "Are you crazy?" "I don't pity him at all." "He makes me sick." "Sick." "And a little jealous." "Get to work." "This looks like a hair salon." "Honey, just go right up to him." "You've been dying to all week." "Go right up to him?" "Are you lame?" "This could be the love of my life." "I can't go right up to him." "It would be too hasty." "Like going after Santa Claus instead of waiting for him." "It would lose its magic, its hope." "You're such a dope." "What does having sex have to do with Santa Claus?" " Two yogurt mousses!" " Got it!" "Edu, finish your dinner and take your sister home." " Home?" " Yes." "I thought you'd ditch us at a gas station." "What about my story?" "Mommy always read me a bedtime story." "Yeah, but maybe Mommy didn't have to work late, or get up to buy ingredients of the best quality." "Maybe she didn't have men criticizing her mistakes in the newspapers." "And maybe Mommy didn't have a business up to here in debt, eating her up inside, did she?" " No." " Okay, then." "Go home." "What about my story?" "Mommy always read me a story." "You want a story?" "We'll get you a story." "Once upon a time, somewhere far, far away, a man knew a whole bunch of recipes." "And they're all here!" "Bring me this one, please." "This wine isn't bad." "But TV stars like you need something smoother but with plenty of body." "I agree." "You're absolutely right." "What time do you get off?" "Oh, you meant the wine." "Excuse me, sorry." "What is Alex doing?" "She may as well sit down with him." "No, I don't..." "Good evening." "Everything to your liking?" "Yes, delicious, Maxi." "You're Maxi, right?" "Yes." "I'm your new neighbor and a big fan of your cooking." "Thanks very much." "Of my cooking and my staff, which you're hogging." "Maxi, please." "No, I'm here to lend a hand." "Clearly, we both need Alex." "I need a maitre d', and you need someone to flirt with." "Maybe together we can find a solution." "Let's see." "The problem is, her working hours and her flirting hours don't coincide." "Listen, I didn't..." "It's very simple." "Alex, tomorrow is your day off." "What time would you like him to pick you up?" "How about 8:30?" "Well..." "I don't know." "This is all happening too fast." " 9:00 would be better." " At 9:00." "Is 9:00 all right?" "Okay." "All set." "See how easy?" "Now you can go back to work, and you can go back to your meal, which is why we're all here in the first place." "Bon appetit." "You have to respect the process." "You have to respect the process." "That's what I mean, and another thing..." "Who painted my Italian coffee table?" "What do you think you're doing?" "Okay, sweetheart." "Where are your glasses?" "I don't see them." "Here." "Tomorrow, I'll buy you a chain." "Come on, pick this up." "I imagine it's your bedtime, right?" "Why are you dressed like that?" "I'm promoting myself." "Edu, is this too much cleavage?" "That's the effect I was after." "Besides, this dress is very comfortable." "It falls right off before he even unties his shoes." "Where are you going dressed like that?" "I don't know." "You tell me." "Where am I going?" "For a drink with two friends getting acquainted." "You're probably wondering, "What will I do there?"" "What any good chaperone would do." "Chat with him a little." "Clear the way for me." "Tell him how great I am." "Just for a little while." "I don't want the babysitter to cost you a fortune." "What are you talking about?" "What babysitter?" " Hello." " No, no, no." "Out of the question." "You think I'm leaving them with someone who thinks pornos should compete at the Oscars?" "Hey, those actresses do things Meryl Streep would never do." "Damn!" "I'm definitely staying." "But I'm doing this for you." "To get you out of the house and..." "Okay, I'm doing it for me." "But Horacio is very shy, and I think I intimidate him." "Maybe if you come, he'll loosen up a bit." " No." " Daddy, my story." "Besides, I have to read her a bedtime story every night." "Tonight, it's "Puss in Boots."" ""Puss in Boots?"" "But, Daddy, how does he put on boots?" "And how does he take them off later?" "Well, let's see." "Sure." "I'll be ready in five minutes." "# I want to be your slave #" "# I'm only happy in your lap #" "# We'll make love #" "# We'll make love #" "# Love #" " She sings great!" " Yeah." "What a great choice of song!" "Of course, in that outfit, she wouldn't pick a Gregorian chant." "Yeah, to think I almost didn't come." "# We'll make love #" "# Love #" "# Bite my ass, where I like it most #" "# I'm always groveling, who cares?" "#" "What lyrics!" "It's no protest song." "Yeah, right." "# Who cares?" "#" "Holy shit." "He's the only Argentinean who doesn't speak!" " What?" " Another drink?" "Maybe that way you get some nerve." "Right?" "If I don't drink, I don't feel like having fun." "# You won't forget... # #... this night #" "# You're scared #" "# Your life depends on it #" "# But someone has to... #" "# Pull the trigger!" "#" "Hey, some babysitter you are." "It's almost 1:00 a.m. Alba should be in bed." " You want to go to bed?" " No, I want to pull the trigger." "See?" "Lighten up." "I'm a responsible guy." "If your dad left you with me, it's because he trusts me." "Listen, does your dad have any rolling paper around?" "Hold on, hold on." "How old are you?" " 15." " 15?" "When I was your age, I was already 16." "You never would have known by looking at him, but once I got his pants around his ankles, all bets were off." "My point is, if something's obvious, why mess around?" "You follow?" "Don't you think you've had enough to drink?" "What are you talking about?" "Why did we come here?" "To drink and be a little naughty." "Why mince words, for God's sake?" "Maxi..." "I'm going to the bathroom." "Okay." "# I could never guess I'd make such a mess #" "# After six tequilas #" "# You can't fool me #" "# I'll settle for less #" "What's his problem?" "You could park a bicycle between my tits!" " Maybe I was wrong." " No, even I've got a hard on." "Look, this guy's as thick as he is good-looking." "But, hey so much for subtleties." "What's your problem?" "What?" "You're taking the oblivious thing way too far." "How could such a dope ever score a goal?" " What do you mean?" " Look, you're hot." "Fine." "But that doesn't mean you can toy with people." "If you're not interested, just say so." "But don't beat around the bush." "It's not that easy." " These things take time." " Time?" "I put it on a platter for you." "What more do you want?" "Me to draw you a bull's-eye?" " But..." " But what?" "Make your move already!" "I didn't come here to screw around all night." "I didn't come here to waste time." "What are you doing, you faggot?" "# I'll cross the world #" "# And fly all the way #" "# To outer space #" "# And I'll look for you in Greenland #" "Daddy makes a mess." "... and crossed the ballroom without her glass slipper." "When he saw he had fallen in love with the beautiful owner of the glass slipper, the king came up with a plan to find it." "He sent his heralds, his heralds, to announce throughout the kingdom that he would marry the person whose foot fit the slipper." "Why the slipper?" "Didn't he remember her face?" "Here we go again." "Okay, look." "He wants the slipper because..." "She was disguised as a princess and had a lot of makeup on." "And people drank a lot at those royal parties." " The point is that they kissed." " Why did they kiss?" "If I knew that, I wouldn't be here with you." "Because they like each other?" "If they kissed, it must mean they like each other." " Do they love each other?" " How could they?" "They just met!" "Everything sure is easy from your point of view:" ""I'm six years old, and I wipe my snot on my sleeve."" "Come on." "Let's go." "Go to sleep." "That's enough nonsense out of your mouth for one day." "Come on, go to sleep." "Good night." "Good evening." "Sorry to bother you, but I was telling my daughter a bedtime story, and we've come across a question that I want to consult with you." "Why the fuck did you kiss me?" "Maxi, calm down." "You look nervous, and I don't want a scene." "You don't?" "What do you want, then?" "You don't know?" "I'll tell you what you want because I know it perfectly." "You only want a giant elephant dick." "Okay, it's all set." "I don't see any leaks." "As for Vaseline, that's another story." "What a witty plumber!" "That's why they charge so much for labor." "You could have warned me somehow." "How?" "You came in here like a lunatic." "How should I come in?" "You're playing with Alex." "You're toying with me." "Playing?" "This is from the guy who hit on me all night." "Hit on you?" "What are you talking about?" "You came into the bathroom with me." "Of course." "Because Argentineans kiss anybody who walks in a bathroom?" " You said to make a move!" " On Alex!" "But you're the one I like!" "Me?" " What do you mean...?" " I know..." "No, sure, but..." " Some things..." " No, yeah." "You really like me?" "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, right?" "Fuck!" "Hey!" "Relax." "You're not the first man I've seen naked." "Yeah, I know." "That's the problem." " I don't want you getting horny." " That's enough." "I'm gay, I left you, never loved you, whatever." "But I'm your father, and this is my home." "All I'm asking of you is a little respect." "No back talk?" "You should go on a diet." "Then Maxi left, and we were all alone." "Horacio was very tired, but we looked at each other, and I thought," ""All love stories start somewhere." "And this is the one we'll tell our grandkids."" "Did you two do it or what?" "Did you hear this moron?" "He's so basic." "That's all he gets out of it." "Not me." "I prefer courtship, romance, mystery." "What you don't get is laid." "I'll give you some romance, if you let me." "Twelve inches of romance, sweetheart." "Why the hell am I talking to you?" "I have no idea, when we could be fucking like rabbits." "Good morning." "Hi." "Forgive me for arriving so late, but..." "Did they offer you coffee?" "A roll?" "A roll, he says." "Sorry, but with these numbers, you can't afford it, darling." " We're in the red again?" " Again." "I can't believe it." "Last year, we were nominated for a Michelin star, and this year..." "Always going on about the nomination for the Michelin star." "Max, please look at these numbers." "Between loan payments, payroll and supplier costs, you're..." "Is it really necessary to bring steaks from New Zealand?" "It's a bit extravagant." "What do you want me to do, faggot?" "Serve meat and potatoes?" "How vulgar." "Overpaying your staff is cutting into your profits." " Sweetie, it's time to cut back." " No, no, no." "How many times have we talked about this?" "Suit yourself." "But surely, there's someone here you could do without." "Attention everyone!" "Indurain leaves the pack, sprints to the finish line and wins the stage!" "Sorry." "Yes?" "Speaking." "Come here, faggot." "You like pink or what?" "I give faggots any color they like!" "I'm doing you a favor, man." "Right there!" "What do you say, faggot?" "Don't be afraid." "A little more pink for you?" "Well." "I didn't know you had artistic issues." "Obviously, he will be expelled immediately." "You're lucky the family didn't press charges." "Sure, they don't want anyone to know what their kid is." "Knock it off." "What's your problem?" "Nothing to say for yourself?" "Look at me when I talk to you!" "What a scary face!" "I'm sick of your whole rebel act!" "If you have a problem with your father, don't take it out by beating other people." " Resolve it with me!" " Beat it!" "No, I won't beat it!" "I won't beat it!" "Let's see who's the biggest scumbag." "You like picking on queers?" "Pick on me." " This isn't the best way..." " Be quiet!" "You already expelled him, right?" "It's no longer your business." "Go on, speak your mind." "Come on, tough guy." "Tell me what you think to my face!" "Come on." "I wish you'd died instead of mom, you cocksucker!" "Hey, wait, wait." "You're Maxi's kid, right?" " Yeah." " Good technique, few words." "You've got what it takes to be great." "Horacio Peretti." "Peretti?" "You mean you're Crazy Peretti?" "That's right." "Do you play on any team?" "No." "The truth is, I haven't played since my mother died." "How are you handling it?" "Well, I miss playing." "But most of all, I miss the games on Sunday." "I meant your mother." "Well..." "I don't know." "You're the first person to ask." "If you want to play, I run a campus league." "There's plenty of boys your age." "Check it out." "You want to play?" "Come on, boys." "Let's go." "Hurry up, idiot!" "He went to play soccer?" "He gets expelled, and what does he do?" "Play soccer!" "Wait!" "I'm so worked up, I can hardly breathe." "And what's he doing?" "Nothing." "Chasing after a ball." "Table five!" "Don't worry about it." "I was just like him at his age." "Yeah, and look how you turned out." "Paula, Paula." "Easy on the truffle." "That stuff isn't free." " This is how we always do it." " Not anymore." "Unless somebody in your family of civil servants and subway clerks has a lot of money to invest in this restaurant." " Is there?" " No." "Then stop being so generous." "Go on." "That fucking brat at table five." "Now he says the tuna is raw." "And his parents think it's funny." "Dae-su, take over the line." "I'll put it back on the grill, but I assure you our cooks scrupulously respect the preparation time of each dish." "Hello." " Is there a problem with the food?" " No." "Nothing I can't handle, Maxi." "I thought I overheard him say there was a problem with the tuna." "Yes, it's raw." "And gross." "And it has green stuff on it." "Raw?" "Well, it's the underbelly." " If we overcook it..." " Whatever." "Just take this crap away and bring the kid a proper dish." "Maxi, go back into the kitchen." "No, no, no, woman." "We're just talking." "You know I love talking to experts." "Either he's an expert or he has awful taste." "Judging by his wife, I'd say the latter." "Excuse me?" "I don't think I heard you right." "Please..." " Who do you think you are?" " Maxi, please." "Forgive me, I don't know what came over me." "You're the customer." "My obligation is to do as you say." "One moment, please." "I'm sorry, sir." "Sit down." "Well, kid?" "Do you like it like that?" "Is it done enough for you?" " Dae-su, to your station." " Are you nuts?" " What is your problem?" " No." "What's yours?" " Mine?" " Yeah." "Yours!" "You may like being humiliated by men, but please leave your hobbies at home." "Kissing up to that prick!" " Prick or not, he's a customer." " Oh, yeah?" "And get it into your head that you can't afford to lose any." "Doesn't she realize the wolf isn't her grandma?" "They put a sweater on my friend's dog, and she didn't look at all like a woman." "Ramiro?" " Ramiro?" " What?" "Jesus Christ, what a hangover." "Sorry, sweetie." "But last night I went out with some friends, and we went berserk." "Drink after drink, then we took a..." "Grown-up stuff." "How about reading yourself the bedtime story?" "I don't know how to read." "I don't know." "Then look at the pictures." "Right?" "Of course!" "Good night." "Hey, do you know if your father has anything for a hangover?" "No." "I have no idea." "In that case, I'll have another whisky." "And cheer up." "I'm the one who's on the job here." "Look at him, look at him." "So bald and serious." "And he loves dick!" "Believe me, I've thought of being gay before." "But then I thought, me in a dark room with my hemorrhoids?" "It would have to be amazing to be worth it." "Am I right?" " I don't know how your dad..." " That's enough." "I already know." "He can die, for all I care." " Hey, he's your father." " My father?" "That guy?" "He's never worried about us." "Why shouldn't I be worried?" "He gets expelled, and you take him to play soccer." "Better than getting screamed at all day." "Well, you already know I'm a screamer." "And calling out "God" during sex." "Come on." "I know it's hard, but Edu's a teenager." "You have to talk to them." "Listen to them." "Talk to him, how?" "Every time I try, I only get insults." "You should hear him." "I don't know where he learns words like that." "Pillow-biter, queer, butterfly, inside-out, fairy queen, back-door boy, ass-licker..." "Spanish is a such a rich language when it comes to disrespecting somebody." "And you get used to it." "Because your father is like that." "I'd better start making him that clay ashtray for Father's Day." "Fuck off." "Listen, kid." "You don't know what having a lousy father is like." "One that gets home drunk and says good night with his fist." "Sorry, I didn't know." "How could you?" "It hasn't happened to you." "You've never heard your younger siblings crying because your father's beating your mother." "Your dad never put out cigarettes on your arm like an ashtray." "Having a father like that must have been rough." "My father's a great guy." "I'm just saying it'd suck to have a father like that." "Because whatever your dad may have done to you is nothing compared to that." "First, you leave him, then you reject him." "You never show him any affection." "And lastly, you slap him in the face." "You'll be up for Father of the Year." "You can take your irony back to Buenos Aires." "I know I have to do something, but other than our blood, we have very little in common." "Well, now you have me." "Come on." "Saturday I'm organizing a match between fathers and sons." "Want to come?" "Soccer?" "Punches and soccer." "It will be fun, you'll see." "I even heard there's a barbecue." "They'll be lots of boys your age." "Feel like a swim, Edu?" "I bet you're a great swimmer." "Right, Edu?" "And here's the best part." "We're playing soccer, fathers against sons." "I bet you're excited about that, right?" "You have no idea." "You in the tracksuit." "How much for a melon?" "Honey you're so funny!" "I wonder why men can't stand you for more than a week?" "What are you doing here?" "I'll give you a hint." "He's good-looking and has an Argentinean accent." "Are you still after him?" "You're obsessed, Alejandra." "I don't know who gave you the idea you and he..." "You did." "You set us up on a date, left us alone..." "Yeah, but clearly none of that has worked." "So let's change our approach." "Tough it out and give him distance." "Plenty of distance." "No!" "I want to spend the rest of my life with him." "Though at some point, we'll have to fuck first." "What does "fuck" mean?" "Come on." "Let's wash your hands and your mouth." "And, Horacio, don't go too far." "Keep your whistle wet." "What a nice relationship." "Too bad there's a little catch." "It's all in her head." "I'll talk with her." "What's the worst that can happen?" "She'll hit me?" "She won't, will she?" "Do you have a second?" "I want to talk with you." "With me?" "Okay." "Alba, go to your Daddy." "I think it's time to clear up certain things about you, me, and this relationship." "Yeah, it's time to clear up how we feel about each other." "Exactly." "About our feelings." "About what we mean to each other." "Are we friends?" "Sure we are." "And after that?" "That's what I want to clarify." "And not just that, but also..." "My God, you talk a lot." "What is this?" "I kissed you." "If your tongue isn't in my mouth, something is clearly wrong." "Don't you like me?" "No, yeah, you're a great girl." "I'm very flattered." "Just flattered?" "Or flattered and excited?" "I don't know how to say this without hurting you." "The problem isn't you." "It's me." "You don't want to hurt me, and we can go on being friends." " Yes!" " And blah, blah, blah." "Is that it?" "Look, I've been through this enough times to know what's coming." " You know?" " I don't think you have any idea." " There's another girl, right?" " Man, girl..." "Girl, lady, woman..." " No, no..." " No!" "Spare me the details." " Yes." " This is the story of my life!" "Always the same fucking ending!" "Fuck!" "Horacio, the match is starting." "Let's get them." "If the jerseys are one size fits all, why does it fit you, and I look like Humpty Dumpty?" "Ready, Edu?" "This will be fun, you'll see." "What are you calling, ref?" " You're a fraud and a liar!" " What's with her?" "We're onto you!" "Over here!" "Fatso!" "I got it!" "Fraud!" "Bad person!" "Stop getting their hopes up!" "What a nice match." "I got it!" "Cut him off!" "Here!" "Edu, Edu!" "He's yours, Edu!" "You'll kill him!" "Referee!" "Get him off the field!" "He's stalling the game!" "You'd better play goalie, or you won't finish the match." "Bravo!" "Good match, boys." "That's not the end." "It's a penalty." "What?" "He's shooting?" "And I'm the goalie?" "Come on, Edu!" "You can do it!" "Come on, Maxi!" "What a kick!" "Dad, are you okay?" "Dad!" "He called me Dad!" "Yeah, but hold still." "After all, I am his father." "Blood unites people." "Except in Greek tragedies." " Let's not spoil it." " Right, so don't screw it up." "Get him a great birthday present." "Hey..." "Sure I will." "I may be a lousy dad, but I've got his birthday present picked out." "You don't know when it is." "I have no idea." "What do you want?" "I wasn't pleased at the time." "Why would I celebrate it every year?" "It's the 18th." "I saw it on his team file." "You have to get him something amazing." "Something like..." "Something like this." "A magazine?" "That banking crisis really did you in." "What are you talking about?" "Ronaldinho's cleats." "Of course!" "What was I thinking?" "Who's Ronaldinho?" "He is, I'm telling you guys." "That guy is his boyfriend." "He's been very happy lately." "Look at how he's smiling." "The boss only smiles like that when he's getting his chocolate pushed." "What?" "That old fart?" "Maxi has better taste." "So what?" "He won't see his face anyway." "You know what I mean, one gets behind the other." "Yeah, we understood you perfectly." "Hide!" "Stop fooling around, Ramiro." "I know you were watching me." " Yes, but just a little." " You were?" "Okay, everyone." "Everyone!" "As you all know, Xantarella is having serious economic difficulties." "And..." "I'll be straight with you." " I've considered firing people." " What?" "You hired that guy to fire us?" "You chickenshit son of a bitch!" "I'm not firing anybody, Ramiro." "I have good news." "Sorry, boss." "Give the boss a hand." " Will you let me talk?" " Let the man talk." "Yes, sir." "Anyway..." "Quique, the chef at Tristana, told me the Michelin guide inspector was in his restaurant the other day." "And he gave me the name." "This piece of paper has the name of the guy who's giving us a Michelin star!" "Pascal Sánchez!" "Pascal, my friend, the day you dare set foot in Xantarella, you're going to eat so well, you'll be sorry to crap it out!" "Alex!" "Alex, get the champagne." "We're celebrating." "Come here." "Sorry, I've got something in my eye." "Alex, what's the matter?" "You're still hung up on Horacio?" "No." "Don't even say his name." "I refuse to waste another second on that jerk." "I'm not making a tragedy out of this." "Horacio!" "Horacio!" "How could you destroy my heart like this?" " How could I be so blind?" " Well, blind..." "I know about this stuff, and I was as surprised as you." "You knew?" " Do you know her?" " Who?" "What do you mean, "Who"?" "His girlfriend!" "Girlfriend?" "That faggot said he has a girlfriend?" "Stop treating me like an idiot!" "Yes, his girlfriend." "He has a girlfriend." "For the time being." "Because when I run into her, the slut will wish she was never born." "I'll scratch her face up so much, she'll have tracks all over it." "Slut!" "She called me a slut!" "And she wants to leave my face covered with tracks!" "Why did you say you have a girlfriend?" "Maxi, this isn't the time." "There are people..." "Of course." "And we can't talk." "How do you fit such huge balls in your pants?" "She's your friend, and you're using her like an escort." "Don't lecture me." "Coming from someone like you, with two kids, it loses credibility." "You have it easy with your restaurant in the gay neighborhood, but imagine me in a tank top strolling around." "You'd look gorgeous, darling." "We're not in the Middle Ages." "Be understanding..." "No, you understand me." "Ever wonder why soccer players never come out of the closet?" "You think people would accept it?" "Right here, for example." "Would their parents accept it if they knew the guy in the locker room with their kids were gay?" "Look, I accept you as you are, and you can't accept that there's no way around it." "Is this an ultimatum?" "Are you asking me to live another lie?" "I'd never ask that of you." "That's how you and I differ." "If we're so different, I don't know why we're together." "We can't be that different when I think the same thing." "Jesus Christ, man." "At this rate, Crazy Peretti will be renamed Sponge Peretti." "What's your problem?" "You're also telling me what I need to do?" "Give me another drink, you schmuck!" "God forbid I should discourage a man from getting shit-faced." "But you look like you might puke, and I'm cleaning the floor." "Ramiro, leave him." "He's so drunk, he doesn't even know who he's talking to." "Go home." "I'll close up." "And you." "Why don't you go home, you drunk?" "Me, drunk?" "I won't fill out a complaint because I'm leaving." "And you know why?" "Because I was just insulted." "Good-bye." "Nice closet." "Take me home." "How could they accept him?" "It may be called "The Ugly Duckling," but he's a swan." "No matter how much he tries to be a duck, he's a swan." "A swan." "You got that?" " All I said was it's sad." " Yeah, but you hinted." "You can't fool me." "You always have an angle." "Of course, it's a sad story." "If he doesn't accept himself, he won't be accepted by swans, ducks, or anything else with feathers." "Can't you two read a story without fighting?" "It's her fault." "She's a cynic." "Alba, for the last time, that poor swan is being ridiculous, hanging around all those macho ducks." "Somebody should open his eyes." "Can't you see that the swan realizes that for himself?" "He thinks he's smarter than the author." "Well, a little nudge wouldn't do any harm, that's all I'm saying." "What story were you reading?" "What nudge?" "Leave the animal alone already." "Well..." "From that point of view, maybe the poor swan has had fucking enough already." "Your father is a dumb shit." "No, no, no." "A dumb shit, dumb shit." "We're used to it, aren't we, Alba?" "We don't care that dad is a dumb shit, do we?" " No." " See?" "Well, well." "...such a demanding person." "I could be demanding as well." "You know why I'm not?" "Because I'm very much in love." " Do you understand?" " Yeah, I understand." "Now you understand that I want to go home, too." "So lie down, and sweet dreams." "No, no, no." "You tell me you understand so that I'll go to sleep, but I don't want to sleep, I want you to understand." "That's enough." "What do you want me to understand?" "That you've flirted with me since the day we met?" "That when I finally make my move and kiss you, you have a girlfriend?" "That I like you a lot, and instead of telling you to fuck off, now I have to listen to your love problems?" "Is that what you want me to understand?" "It's true." "I've been a fool." "You don't deserve this." "This is what you deserve." "Horacio, what are you doing?" "Fixing an injustice." "Lord, have mercy!" "Who do you take me for?" "No more three-way relationships for me." "I know how they end!" "You may be attractive, and I may feel like doing it, but nothing is going to happen between us, you got that?" "# Stop!" "#" "# My witch with the spike heels #" "# Dumped by the man she loves #" "# Hurry up #" "# Turn into the wind #" "# Forget your troubles #" "# Stop!" "#" "# Stop!" "#" "# My fairy #" "# My guest star #" "# Dumped by the man she loves #" "# Get in the car #" "# Queen of the night #" "# Forget your troubles #" "# Stop!" "#" "# Stop!" "#" " Good morning." " Good morning." "Since you're up, be a gentleman and make me breakfast." "Hi." "Good morning." "A full breakfast." "Pancakes, cream and apologies." "Fucking wonderful." "Alex, you have to hide." "It's my girlfriend." "Horacio, please, can we talk?" "But that's Maxi." "You scared me, dummy." "Open the door." "Wait till he sees me here in panties." "Stop, stop." "Look, there's something you should know." "It's better you hear it from me." "Maxi can't know about this because he introduced me to my girlfriend." "There, I said it." "Come on." "Maxi knows your girlfriend?" "Yeah, they met when they went to..." "Just hide already!" "If Maxi sees you, he'll make a scene." "Come on!" "Horacio, can we talk?" "Right now?" "This time, I'm the one who doesn't want to talk." "But in a little while, yes." "I'll let you know." "Why are you talking like that?" "Like this?" "Because I work on TV." "I have to take care of my voice." "I never force my throat before noon." "I'll call you." "Wait, please." "I've been up all night preparing what I have to say." "Give me the morning to prepare to hear it." "Don't close the door!" "I'm not leaving until I've said what I came here to say." "Okay." "I'm sorry about what happened." "Since the first time I..." "What's Alex doing here?" "In panties?" "Good question." "What are you doing here?" "You'd better have a good excuse for being naked in my closet." "We're waiting for an answer." "I love this closet." "It has a nice finish." "And since I have one at home that I want to line I thought..." "This is absurd." "I'll tell him the truth." "After all, it's good news." "Horacio and I are finally together." "What?" "You bastards!" "Like you have morals!" " You fuck married guys every day." " What?" " Not since I'm with you, I swear." " What?" "You two are together?" "That means you...!" "That means you...!" "And you..." "God!" "All men are the same!" "And you aren't even real men!" "Alex!" " Don't go." " No, I'll stay." "You two can get off in front of me and complete the humiliation!" "Look who's talking!" "The slut who just rocked my boyfriend!" "Daddy, is Horacio your boyfriend?" "Fuck." "I'm going to have to put a bell on you two." "You're doing my coach, huh?" "Now I know why you were suddenly interested in soccer." " No." "Edu, let me explain." " There's no need." "I got it." "You're a selfish bastard who's never given a shit about us." "Come on, Alba." "Here." "Edu!" "Shit, Edu." "Let me explain." "Please." "Edu!" "Edu!" "Please, wait!" "Fuck!" "Please wait for me, kids!" "Please!" "Edu!" "Edu!" "Edu, stop." "Listen to me, please!" "Watch out!" "Alba!" "Alba!" "Alba!" "Leave us alone!" "Stay back!" "You hear me?" "Stay back!" "But..." "You'll feel better soon." "I told you you'd be just fine." "# At closing time in the bars #" "# The tightrope walker #" "# Speaks of glory #" "# To his own shadow #" "# Too many years have passed #" "# Since the golden days #" "# When he was on the cover #" "# Of every newspaper #" "# Captain of the kingdom #" "# Full of lies #" "# They were all good boys #" "# And now who remembers them?" "#" "# Now that it's all over #" "# Your life falls apart #" "# Who will love you now?" "#" "# Who will love you now?" "#" "# Now that the daylight #" "# Shines in your eyes #" "# Who will believe your story?" "#" "# Who will believe your story?" "#" " Hello?" " Mom, it's me." "Grandparents smell funny." " Maximino, is that you?" " Yeah." "I know you haven't heard from me in a while, but..." "This is very hard..." "Something's happened, and I need to ask a favor." "This isn't it, so figure it out." "Hold on." "Where are you going with that sauce?" "What?" " Make it again, please." " Why?" "It looks fine to me." " It looks fine to you?" " Yeah." "Let me think." "How can I put this so you can understand?" "When you look in the mirror, do you think you look pretty?" " Yes." " Yes." "That proves that what you see doesn't always coincide with reality." "Make it again." "Keep cutting." "He didn't come out of the closet, they threw him out." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Sorry?" "That's the fifth time already!" "Xantarella Restaurant." "What can I do for you?" "Yes, a reservation for Tuesday." "One moment." "Where is Alex?" "One moment, please." "Yes." "Lunch for one person Tuesday at 3:00." "Under whose name?" "Pascal Sánchez." "Pascal Sánchez!" "Are you there?" "Yes." "Thank you." "See you then." "A Michelin star!" "We're getting a Michelin star!" "Everybody, everybody!" "Stay calm." "Stay calm." "It's no big deal." "We've gone over this." "We all know what to do." "Maxi, how about foie appetizers that day?" "Dae-su, sweetie, this guy is French." "They've been bursting goose livers for centuries." "You want to surprise him with foie?" "S'il vous plaît, Dae-su." " People order it a lot." " Yes, yes, yes." "People order it a lot." "People order it a lot." "Yes, yes." "But we have to be innovative." "Everybody?" "We have to provoke new sensations." "Get out of the routine." "This is like sex." "If routine is bad for sex, it's bad in the kitchen, too." "That frog..." "Simple missionary style won't get him out of bed." "Ramiro, go into the cold store and bring me..." "Ramiro?" "Where the fuck is Ramiro?" "Take it easy, boss." "I'm here." "What a party last night with the boys." "We even drank lighter fluid." "Ramiro, I'm getting sick of your friends." "You've never met them." "Look, I'm so sick of them, I feel like I've known them all my life." "If you do this every time I'm late, you'll go broke buying sedatives." "Ramiro, are you fucking with me?" "No, it was only a joke." "A joke?" "Our Michelin star is at stake, Ramiro." "Do I look like I'm in the mood for your jokes, you idiot?" "If you're bitter because you miss your kids, don't take it out on me." "What did you say?" "Nothing." "Though I don't know how, I've spent more time with them than he has." "That's it." "You're fired." "Get the fuck out!" "But, boss, you can't do that." "That would bury me." "Don't sell yourself short, Ramiro." "All I did was fire you." "You managed to become a fucking low-life loser all by yourself." "What are you looking at?" "Are we cooking here or waiting for him to cry?" "Could we have a moment?" "What's wrong with you?" " Nothing." " Listen to me." "In the seven years I've known you, you and I have seen more than a lot of married couples have in 40, but I'd never seen you do anything as rotten as what you just did." "Alex, you're an excellent maitre d', but I'm the boss." "If you don't understand what's at stake, how close we are to our dream..." "What dream?" "You mean your dream, your fucking obsession!" "Okay, Maxi, okay." "I know you're having a rough time." "A lot of stuff has piled up." "Why don't you stop a second, take a deep breath and look at it all with a little distance?" "Fuck." "You do cleavage and therapy." "Go on." "Monday, I'll fire my shrink." "Look, asshole." "And you are an asshole." "Don't treat me like that!" "And look at me when I talk to you." "Ramiro is right." "You've screwed up your life, your kids' lives, and now you want to screw up everyone else's lives." "Leave my kids out of it." "They're not here anymore." "I'm alone." "Alone!" " I'm doing just great!" " Just great." "And so are my kids!" "They're with my parents!" "They couldn't be better!" "What's wrong, Edu?" "Thinking about your father?" "I think about him, too." "When he was little." "You know what his favorite thing about getting sick was?" "Having a thermometer stuck in his ass!" "Here we go again!" "Would you stop speaking nonsense to the boy?" "And stop drinking!" "I drink so I can put up with you!" "The older he gets, the grumpier." "Don't listen to your grandfather." "It must have been awful for you two." "Losing your mother, not knowing anyone and with my son..." "I did what I could for him." "I gave him all the love I had." "All that love..." " ... and look how he turned out!" " Shut up, you drunk!" "Edu, pay him no mind." "What happened to your dad isn't anyone's fault." "Like Father Damian says, "Homos have a factory defect."" "It wasn't that bad, Grandma." "I understand he's your father, but..." "Hey." "He never fondled you at night, did he?" "Shit, Grandma." "A new day and a new league leader." "A new day and a new league leader." "We hadn't seen an early season this intense in years." "But let's not forget this week's controversy." "Ladies and gentlemen, we've lost the first coach of the season." "What do you think, Horacio?" "Horacio?" "Horacio!" "Penalty, clearly a penalty." "What do you mean, penalty?" "Are you sure you were drinking mate during the breaks?" "Let's go to a commercial break to find out." "We'll be right back." " We're off the air." " Well, well." "What's wrong, kid?" "Had a fight with your girlfriend?" "Don't worry, as long as she doesn't catch you in bed with a hooker." "That's when you find out if a woman truly loves you." "No, it's not my girlfriend." "That ended a while ago." "Horacio." "Your girlfriend's here to see you." " My girlfriend?" " Yeah, she's over there." "Maxi's in bad shape." "This can't go on." "This isn't the time or the place." "Come on." "Right, this isn't the time or the place." "When will it be the time and the place?" "You don't know, do you?" "Want me to tell you?" "When you stop being a phony." "Calling me a phony again." "Look, how I live my life is nobody's business." "I'm sick of everyone bugging me about it." "Does that sound real or am I faking?" "Horacio, you're going to listen to me, like it or not." "Don't you realize how lucky you are?" "You know how hard it is to find somebody to love?" "And that person loving you back?" "I've been waiting my whole life to experience what's happening to you." "But fine." "Keep hiding your head instead of enjoying it for fucking once." "Horacio, we're on in 30 seconds." "There he is, there he is." "There we have him." "In this shot, we clearly see how the player takes a dive." "The usual controversy:" "Crafty or unsportsmanlike?" "Horacio, help us out." "You've probably faked more than a few." "Excuse me?" "What did you say?" "That you've probably faked before." "What do you mean, I've faked?" "Come on." "I've seen you." "What do you fucking care if I fake or not?" "You think you can ask me that on TV?" "It's today's story." "Everybody's talking about it." "Fuck all you people!" "Why is everybody obsessed with this subject?" "Fine." "Yes, I was a fake." "For years." "And you don't know how sorry I am." "Because all it did for me was ruin my life and that of the man I love." "Man?" "Yes, a man." "His name is Maxi." "You have a problem with that?" "No, I just don't think this is the time..." " ... or place." " Typical homophobia." "Typical homophobia!" "Did you all see it?" "Typical homophobia!" "Why?" "Because we're deviants?" "Because we should be locked up?" "Are we not people with a right to love?" "No, because this show is about soccer." "Right, as I was saying, he fakes the foul, and that's bad." "Okay, kids don't fake, play clean." "See you next week." "I don't know if it's the belt or the shoes or my gold filling, but I have to get through." "Please, let me through!" "Out, out, out." "This is very simple." "If it beeps, you can't go through." "I'm sorry." " I don't make the rules." " You have all my respect." "I admire you because they've given you a job with a cool uniform without a college degree." " Don't go there." " How can you be so obstinate?" "Please, I have to go in!" "Let me through!" "You're impeding a beautiful reconciliation!" "There he is!" "There he is!" " Horacio!" "Horacio!" " Stop!" "Stop!" "No more homo stuff." "I've had enough for today." "I'm a shit." "Isn't that beautiful?" "Well, it gives me the willies." "What can I say?" "Because since the dawn of time, man has been characterized as much by his capacity to commit errors as by his capacity to fix them." "Where does this lead us, you wonder?" "You're such a pain." "Just apologize and shut up already." "Okay, you're right." "That's why I called a meeting." "Right, so..." " I'm sorry." " Louder." "We can't hear." "Fucking Chinaman." "I'm sorry!" "Forgive me." "I acted like an idiot, like a tyrant." "Like a crazy bitch!" "Who said that?" "I came to say I'm sorry." "There, I did it." " Didn't that feel good?" " Yes." "Now call Ramiro and finish it off." "No, after what I said..." "Okay, fine." "If I don't do it," "I can imagine the poor guy fighting with the pigeons in the park over breadcrumbs." "Answer me, Ramiro!" "I'm your cell phone!" "I'm ringing, dude!" "Answer me already!" "Answer me, or I'll ring louder!" "Louder!" "I'll ring louder!" "Louder!" "Hey!" "Boss." "This wine was in here a long time." "It's from '94." "It's expired, so I thought..." "What do you want me to say?" "I was upset about getting fired." "Don't hold it against me." "It was the grudge." "It wasn't me." "There's no way around it, Ramiro." "Life deals some people misfortune, accidents..." "I get to put up with you." "No, no, no." "Like it or not, you're like my boil." "Thanks a lot, boss." "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me." "All right, all right." "Ramiro, that's enough." "Good Lord." "Everybody, please." "The inspector's coming today." "Our success depends on his meal." "Otherwise, we'll end up..." " It was the grudge." " Yeah, I know." "Or we'll end up selling roasted chestnuts on a street corner." "So start cooking!" "Get to work!" " It was the grudge, I swear." " I know." "I'd never do anything like that." "But what you said to me..." "I was nervous, Ramiro." "I was nervous." "That's it." "Your nerves and my grudge crashed into each other." "Yeah." "Turn on the oven, please!" "Edu will be so surprised when he sees it." "You'll see." "He won't be expecting such a great birthday gift." "Especially after 10 years of sending him pajamas." "Look!" "Lucia Garrido's brother killed himself on a motorcycle." "He wasn't wearing a helmet, and his brains got splattered on the highway with his leg twisted backwards, and he ended up Para-Olympic." "Sweetie, don't be so bleak." "You'll bring us bad luck." "Too late." "We've already been married for 40 years." "Okay, today's the big day." "Not to pressure you, but our whole future is riding on a single bet." "No, things will work out." "We deserve it, and we're in control." "Come here." "Come here." "Maximino Alonso?" " This package is for you." " Thank you." " Sign here." " Of course." " Thank you." " Thanks." "Let's see." "What's going on?" "What is that?" "Ronaldinho's cleats." "He's Edu's favorite player." "I bought them for his birthday, which is today." "No." "No, Maxi." "Wait, wait, wait." "Let's think about the wine." "The wine." "How about getting out a Campo de Borja, a good Priorato...?" "I don't know how many birthdays a father can miss, but I think I'm over my limit." "Shit, Maxi." "It's okay." "Paula's here." "I'll be back in a few hours." "Thank you." "Maxi." "I know how important this is to you." "You've spent years waiting for this, and I'd like to wish you luck..." " Do it on the way." " On the way?" "Where?" "It's about time you met your in-laws." "Did I ever tell you how much my dad likes telling fag jokes?" "Know why they fired the gay nurse from the sperm bank?" "Drinking on the job!" "They didn't get it!" "What a tiresome man!" " You're spoiling his birthday." " I'll give you spoiled." "You're obnoxious!" " What about our 40 years together?" " Here we go again!" "Hello." "Good afternoon." "Have you got a reservation?" " Yes." " This way, please." "Alex!" "Alex!" " There's a problem in the kitchen." " Tell Paula to handle it." "That's the problem." "Can you excuse me a moment?" "Pedro, seat the gentleman." " Of course." " Hello." "In whose name?" "Pascal Sánchez." "I'm a bit early." "I hope that won't be a problem." "That's all right." " Maxi..." " I know what you're about to say." "This is crazy." "What am I doing going home?" "I haven't seen my folks in seven years." "They won't even open the door." "No, fasten your seat belt." "And calm down, or you'll have a seizure." "You're right." "I don't know why I'm so upset." "There's no reason to be." "It's only my own parents and kids." "And everything at Xantarella is under control." "The miracle of life!" "The fucking miracle of life!" "It hurts!" "Somebody call an ambulance!" " Ramiro, do something!" " Like what?" "I hated the blob as a kid!" "It's okay, it's okay, I'm through it." "I'm through it." "Grab a plunger and get this thing out of me!" "Dae-su, bring my car around." " We're going to the hospital." " What?" "You can't leave now!" "If it's because she's screaming, I can scream, too!" "The inspector will be here any minute!" "He won't be here for another hour." "I'll be back by then." "Alex!" "Oh, my God, boss." "You won't believe what just happened." "She went into labor?" "How could she do such a thing?" "Okay, there's nothing to worry about." "Tell Alex to..." "What?" "Alex went with her?" "Maxi, you're going to kill us." "Let me think." "It's okay, it's okay." "Paula and Alex aren't there, but Ramiro is." "Fuck!" "I'm turning around." "I'll have other kids." "No, stop." "Calm down, Maxi." "You can't turn around." "Think a little." "The French guy is coming at 3:00." "We have plenty of time." "You're right." "You're right." "Ramiro, look." "No, no, no." "We can handle this, Ramiro." "Let's see." "There's plenty of time." "And, Ramiro, I trust you, damn it." "Sure, boss." "That's the spirit." "There's nothing to worry about." "And if there is, tough." "Just relax and enjoy." "Monsieur Maximino Alonso?" "Oui." "I mean..." "No." "I mean, oui." "That's me." "That's life." "Maybe you're more comfortable in Spanish." "You'd be surprised." "What did you think?" "That we weren't going to get you anything?" "A total surprise, you'll see." "You can't even imagine." "I'll give you a hint." "That's it, she opened her mouth." "I should have married the mute!" "Your sister the mute!" "But when I discovered kiwi, it's like clockwork." "Every morning at the same time," "I sit on the toilet, and the Jackson 5 jump out." "Actually, I meant the internal structure of the restaurant." "Of the restaurant?" "Yes." "Sorry, I'm a bit nervous." "Go ahead and ask anything you like." "Okay." "How would you define your gastronomic philosophy?" "Well, I'm so glad you asked, but..." "So much has already been said about the subject, that anything I say would be redundant." "I may be many things, but redundant will never be one of them." "Thank God." "Boss?" "The French guy came early." "I can't believe it." "I haven't left the restaurant in seven years, and the one day I leave...!" "Watch the road!" "You're going to kill us!" "Ramiro's fucking up!" "Yes, you're fucking it up!" "Don't cry, you homo!" "Give me the phone, or I'm getting out." "Wait, wait." "He asked you what?" " Then answer him!" " Maxi, please!" "You're going too fast to drive with one hand." "Let go!" "Listen, Ramiro." "Our philosophy is what I'm always telling you." "The sex thing, enjoying the sensuality..." "Explosion of the senses?" "What the fuck is that?" "You know..." "How in Xantarella we go beyond." "Not only do we offer food, but an experience to satisfy the senses." " Taste, smell, sight..." " The car!" "The car!" "Look at that beautiful motorcycle, Edu." " Watch out!" " Shit!" "Shit what, boss?" "Shit what?" " Who put that motorcycle there?" " You almost killed us." "Driving while on the phone is illegal for a reason, son of a bitch!" "She's right over there." "Hi, Mom." "Hi, Dad." " Long time no see." " Daddy!" "Daddy!" " Hi, sweetie." " But, son what are you doing here after so many years?" " I can't believe it." " What?" "Good Lord." "Your son got a boob job." "Mom, what are you talking about?" " No?" " No." "Then you got really fat." "What about you, Dad?" " Nothing to say?" " Yes." "I hope you have insurance." " How are you, son?" " Fine, fine." " Are you still a cook?" " Yes." " Cured your gayness?" " Edu, wait!" "Hey." "You're a fairy, too, right?" "You'll love this one." "It's about a gay pirate..." "Sensuality is very important at Xantarella." "Because when you eat, you should feel." "People don't come here just to eat." "They come to get fucked." "But not fucked like this." "No." "We fuck them by putting food inside them." "I'm not talking pork loin here." "If they're up for it, fine." "A slutty blonde came in once." "A real tart." " If her husband hadn't been there..." " No, no..." "What are you talking about?" "How should I know?" "Well?" "Happy birthday." "There, you came." "You can leave now." "Leave?" "Let me try the cake first, and hang out for a while." "We haven't spent a birthday together in a long time." "Why did you leave us?" "Well, it's not easy to explain." "The situation..." "And your mother wasn't exactly cooperative..." "Why didn't you ever come to see us?" "Well..." "Look." "Things got too messy." "This is a small town, and your grandparents told me to..." "Sure." "Mom, my grandparents." "What about you?" "What's your problem?" "You didn't love us?" "Fucking questions." "Look, Edu, I'm your father, and you're my son." "We're supposed to..." "No, I don't think so." "I don't think I ever loved you." "In fact, I think I even managed to hate you." "Yes?" "Ramiro, I'm talking with my son." "I know you're with the inspector, and you're all alone." "How should I know?" "Offer him a drink." "Then give him the bottle!" "Hold on a second." "All that talk about the star, and the day the inspector comes you come out here to be a dickhead?" "Yeah, son." "I'm good at that." "I've been a dickhead my whole life." "With your mother, with you, and now with Horacio." "Shit, at my age." "Hiding it all over again." "Not exactly hiding it." "I didn't know it was you at the time, but we heard plenty of screams from Horacio's." "You could hear us?" "Well, son, people experience love in different ways." "I've always experienced orgasms very easily." "Are you in love with Horacio?" "Well, in love, in love..." "The relationship is going well." "It has potential." "We're getting to know each other." " He's cute." " Not cute, he's a..." "You don't like him, do you?" "No way." "That's what girls say." "He's cute and all." "At your age, I still didn't know." "They say these things are hereditary." "No, no." "I like girls." "Lucky for you, son." "The other option is a lot of suffering." "Wait and see about your sister." "That's another one." "That's another one." "Okay, then." "Take care of yourself." "And take care of your sister." "Don't forget to read her bedtime stories." "Don't let her hook you." "You know how she is." "All right." "Dad." "Maybe you should read them to her." "You don't expect me to be at home at 9:00." "For God's sake, he's your son!" "I knew it!" "I knew it!" "Where did I go wrong with you, Maxi?" "What?" "To reach the exact cooking point, measure the water and temperature carefully." "And, finally, Grandma's touch." "Something no modern culinary technique has been able to top  a tasty mixture of ground garlic with saffron and croutons." "Look at that dish, so insinuating, so seductive, screaming to be..." "To be finished already!" "Fuck!" "That's what they're screaming." "They're only lentils." "Can you keep it down?" "I'm breast-feeding." "How can I?" "We have another 50 menus to serve, and he's getting all mushy." "Lentils coming!" "Maxi, Horacio is outside." "Hey!" "Where are you going now?" "To spend the day with my family." "And he says it so smugly!" "I'd like to hang with my friends, too, but I can't." "Why not?" "Because somebody has to pay the mortgage for this place, electricity, gas, suppliers." "Where's your sense of responsibility?" "Outside, waiting to go to the park." "Stay on your toes, handsome." "Bye." "That faggot!" "The rest of you, let's go!" "Ana, bread those filets." "David, the meatballs." "Paula!" "Paula!" "Paula, I'm snapping!" "# I toast to the sun #" "# Because I'm also shining Like a king #" "# Who found the theorem That explains his luck #" "# This is the station #" "# Where my journey begins #" "# So that's happiness #" "# Give me a kiss and I'll play along #" "# Get on this train #" "# So that's happiness #" "# Give me a kiss and I'll play along #" "# Get on this train #" "# That never waits #" "# That will never wait #" "We're off."