"( whispering ) You don't know me, I don't know you." "Max, the Chief has a very dangerous assignment for you." "Max?" "Max?" "Max!" "I beg your pardon, miss." "I don't believe we've met." "Max, I meant pretend you don't know me as far as everyone else is concerned." "And use a newspaper." "People can see your lips moving." "Now listen very carefully, Max-- you must memorize this." "KAOS has a secret lab in this hotel." "They're receiving information about the nerve-gas formula from behind the Iron Curtain." "The device used for receiving the information is a tiny amplifier built into an olive with a pimiento." "A CONTROL double agent posing as a waiter has stolen the olive." "Now without it, work on the nerve gas will come to a stop." "You got that?" " Not all of it." " What part didn't you get?" "The part after, "You must memorize this."" "Max." " What does this double agent look like?" " I don't know, Max." "You'll have to try the password on every waiter until you find him." "What's the password?" "You say, "Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?"" "And he'll answer, "I've been to London to visit the queen."" ""Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?"" " Right, Max." " Let me get this straight" "I walk up to every waiter I see and I say," ""Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?"" "That's right, Max." "You're right." "This is a dangerous assignment." "Good luck, Max." "Listen, bud, I don't like people to look at me funny." "Well, if you don't like the way I'm looking at you, you're gonna hate what I'm gonna say to you." "Besides, you don't look like the type that would go to England to visit the queen." "Pussycat?" "Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?" "I've been to London to visit the queen." "Really?" "Would you mind putting me down now?" "Here it is." "When you push the pimiento this way, it becomes a receiver." "And when you push it the other way, what does it become?" "A pimiento!" "Now be very careful." "It's got a very loud speaker in it." " You've done a good job, pussycat." " Wait!" "Tell the Chief he's gotta take me off this duty." "I just can't be a double agent anymore!" "My nerves can't..." "( grunts ) take it." "There there there, now." "Take it easy, no need to get all upset." "Besides, I think I found your trouble." "You've got a knife in your back." "( theme music playing )" "( screams ) Annie is here, loud and clear!" " Howdy?" " It's very kind of you to give us an interview during your lunch break, Miss Jones." "Oh, forget that "Miss Jones," buster." "I come from a friendly part of the country." "To you I am Annie-- Ozark Annie, like I am to anyone else among my millions of devoted followers and fans." "Park it." "Hold it!" "Don't anybody move." "Sorry, gang, I don't usually bust in on people like this and squeeze their olives, but this is an emergency." "Where's your olive?" "Don't tell me you swallowed it." "I swallowed it." "I asked you not to tell me that." "Well, my dear, that may have been the costliest gulp in the course of human history." "What do you mean by that crack?" "I'm not at liberty to say what I mean by that crack." "Pardon me." "( dialing )" "Hello, Chief?" "Boy, there are stranger ones in the city than in the country." "Don't worry, Chief." "I won't let her out of my sight." "She's leaving." "I gotta go." "( woman screams )" "You fools!" "Dummkopfs!" "Sissies!" "You let the CONTROL double agent steal the olive right out from under your stupid noses?" "!" "( speaking German )" "The minute I go away, everything goes kaploot." "But you were here all the time." "You're not making it any easier on yourself, Starker." "If X-40 does not get the olive back, we have no way of receiving the final formula from Popovich." "But I thought the nerve gas was perfected." "Without the final formula, we can only control the emotions of the female." " What's that?" " It must be X-40 calling in." "( inhales heavily ) Who will hear me on this frequency?" "Oh, you'll be heard on X-40's wristwatch und on the missing olive." "X-40 better be calling in to say he has recovered the olive, or else..." "( speaks German )" "You'd better give it time to warm up." "Now it's ready." "Siegfried:" "Hello?" " Howdy?" " X-40:" "Is that you, Siegfried?" "No." "It's me, Annie." "Siegfried:" "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "What is this?" "Am I on "Candid Camera"?" "Siegfried:" "Answer me!" "Where are you?" "I ain't telling you." "You just get out of here the way you got in!" "X-40:" "I've been hit." "CONTROL Agent 86 shot me." "Siegfried:" "What happened to the olive receiver?" "Without it, we cannot get Popovich's 6:00 broadcast." "X-40:" "Somebody swallowed it." "What are you doing in there?" "Get out of there!" "Get back here immediately!" "Goodbye!" "Pardon me, miss, could I speak to you for a minute?" " No." " Good." "Now listen to me, and listen very carefully:" "your life is in great danger." "You've accidentally swallowed a KAOS communications device." "If you'll just put yourself in my hands, everything will be all right." " Oh, sure." " Now wait a minute." "I happen to be a secret agent." "You're kidding." "What's so hard to believe about that?" "Well, face it-- you ain't no Sean O'Connery, you know, all handsome and confident." "Just take a look into the mirror, pudding." "Yes." "Well, I happen to be very proud of this disguise." "Disguise?" "Actually, I'm a powerfully-built, handsome, blond giant, with sun-bronzed skin, wide-set eyes and a dimple in my chin." " Let me see." " Well, that would take hours." "Right now you're to come to my apartment with me." "Uh-huh." "I think I'll take my chances with that, uh..." " KAOS bunch." " Siegfried to X-40-- find out who has swallowed the olive, and cut it out of them!" "Reckon I'll take my chances with you." "Hey, you know, I ain't never been in a real spy's apartment before." "Max:" "I brought you here to be sure you're safe." "( grunts )" "Hey, you're mighty rugged!" "( giggles )" "Come on, turn into that handsome fella with the dimples." "Shh!" "Okay." "Boy, I bet everything in here looks different from what it is-- like you." "That's right." "For example, take this vase-- now use this if you wanna hit someone who's standing behind you." "You're pulling my lariat." "Go ahead, try it." "Hmm, okay." " ( pops ) - ( grunts )" "You knew he was there all the time, didn't you?" "And you just wanted me to have the pleasure of doing it all by myself." "Oh, I like you, pudding." "You gotta stay looking like this, huh?" "Yes, I'm afraid so." "Now here's something that might interest you-- an invisible wall." "An invisible wall?" "!" "Boy, would I like to see that!" "Now, you see, you press this and an invisible wall comes down in the middle of the room." " "Whar"?" " "Whar?" Oh, "thar."" "Uh, well, you can't really see it," "But it's right over "thar"-- there." "Uh, there-- "thar." It's in the middle of the room." "It'll even stop a bullet." "Wanna try?" "Sure." "Where-- where should I aim?" " Oh, just anywhere." " Okay." "( screams )" "You've done it again!" "You are cute!" "Excuse me." "Very bad job of engineering." "This is the control for the invisible wall." "This is the remote control for my television set." " ( whirring )" " There, the wall is down now." "( phone rings )" " Would you mind pressing that button?" " ( ringing continues )" "( whirring )" "( ringing continues )" "Hello?" "Oh, hi there, Chief." "Uh, yes, I have the olive." "Uh, well, there's one little complication, Chief." "It's inside the girl." "Yes, you'd better send over a doctor." "Dr. McTavish." "Right, Chief." "Well, we got a little while to kill." "Oh, sure seems a shame to just stay around here doing nothing till then." "Yes, it certainly does." "Uh, you wanna do something?" "You got something in mind?" "As a matter of fact, I do." " For the both of us?" " Well, what I have in mind wouldn't be any fun for just one." "( giggles )" "Would you like to sit down on the couch?" "Sure." "( giggles )" "( sighs )" " Comfy?" " Mm-hmm." "Sure am, pudding." "( giggles )" "Okay, you wanna deal, or shall I?" "That is gin-gee-boo." " ( knocking )" " Oh, that must be the doctor." "Remember, you owe me 30¢." " Doctor?" " ( German accent ) Ja." " Dr. McTavish?" " Hoot mon." "Where is the wee lassie with the olive in her stomach?" "Just a minute, Doctor." "That's a very strange accent you've got there." " You noticed?" " I certainly did." "Very perceptive." "I was born in Edinburgh, but I studied in Heidelberg." "Oh." "Well, that explains it." "The patient's right over there, Doc." " Open wide, please." " Ahh." "Ah, just as I thought." "We have to get you to a hospital." "I have an ambulance downstairs." "Just a minute." "Very clever," "Siegfried "McTavish."" "How did you know I wasn't a doctor?" "Very simple-- you went right to the patient without even complaining about having to make a house call." "You can close your mouth now, Annie." "Thanks." "All right, Smart, you can put your gun away now." "It's no use." "My men are all around you in this room." "All right." "( screams ) Goethe, Hans, Godzilla." "( speaking German )" "Uh... fellows?" "Oh, boy." "Sorry, Siegfried, but we've already exterminated the rats that you infested this place with." "That's telling him, pudding." "Now that wasn't very" "I'm sorry about that, pudding." "Thank you, my dear." "It will be touching having to kill you after this favor, but first-- goodbye, Maxwell Smart!" "( whirring )" "( clicking )" "I shall return, Smart." "Would you mind pushing that button again?" "I think we'd better get back to CONTROL." "Yeah." "You'll be safe there." "( whirring )" "Ja, according to schedule." "He's coming out the back way." "Starker, Smart does not realize" "I have the remote control activator for the ejection seat of his car." "( speaks German )" "Get ready." "Board, out!" "CONTROL Intelligence reports they brought her back to a secret laboratory in this hotel, but where?" "I can just see Siegfried sitting up there gloating." "You don't happen to see his room number, do you?" "No, Max." "But if I know Siegfried, he's up there stuffing his face with food." "Wait a minute, 99." "That's it, you've got it." "What have I got?" "Max, if I got it, I have a right to know what it is." "99, you've just given me a brilliant idea." "Come on." "Hello, room service, please." "Max, room service won't deliver to the lobby." "Man:" "Room service." "( German accent ) Room service?" "What's going on down there?" "I ordered hours ago." "When I order, you will deliver immediately." "Man:" "I don't understand, sir." "All our deliveries went out." "But where is mine?" "I ordered knockwurst, bratwurst, liverwurst, fried sauerkraut and a prune danish." "I see it on the list, but the only order we had for bratwurst, knockwurst, liverwurst, sauerkraut and a prune danish was already delivered to room 602." "What room are you in?" "( no accent ) Never mind, I'm not hungry." " He gave me the room number." " Max, that was brilliant." "Oh, not really, 99." "It reminded me of an old trick I used years ago in the Oppenheimer case." "You see, I remembered that Oppenheimer was very fond of a jelly doughnut on rye toast with gravy." "Well, the Chief was all for storming room 401, but I was positive that Oppenheimer was in room 802." "Carlson, on the other hand, thought that he was in 903." "Which was it, 401, 802 or 903?" "A call to room service and it confirmed my opinion." "It proved that Oppenheimer was in room 802 just as surely as Siegfried is in room" "Room service, please." "Practically no interference." "Madam, you have a very quiet stomach." "Thanks a lot." "And this room is the fear-gas chamber." "We are safe being in here?" "Ja, it only works on females." " You've seen for yourself." " Yeah." "In the romance-gas room, the female rabbits are chasing the male rabbits." "And here the females rabbits are shrinking from the male rabbits." "And in both rooms, the male rabbits are just sitting around trying to figure out what the heck it's all about." "If we get Popovich's final formula, it will work on all sexes of every kind." "Ah, between romance and fear, we could rule eight eighths of the world." " Why not the whole world?" " Don't push it, Starker." "Let's go." "This is Professor Popovich." "Here is the final formula for the nerve gas." " ( hiccups )" " Now cut that out!" "Well, I'm sorry." "I didn't mean it!" "...precisely 23° Fahrenheit." " ( hiccups )" " One more hiccup and I will kill you right now." "Wait, I know a sure cure for hiccups." "What is it?" "Scare me." "Boo." "It worked." " ( hiccups )" " That was it." "I'll shoot you right now." "No." "All right, Siegfried, drop it!" "Hands up!" "Pudding, you're as welcome as a new rooster in a henhouse." "What kind of nonsense is this?" "There are four of us and only one of him." "Put down your hands, pull out your guns." "He can only shoot one of us." "You're the one." "Please, everybody, hands up." "Pudding, look out!" " Oh, pudding, I'm so glad we-- - ( rattling )" "( screams )" "What is it?" "What is it?" " Don't you come near me!" " What is it?" " ( screaming )" " What is it?" "( screaming )" " You take your thumb out of your mouth!" " ( screaming )" "Annie?" "Annie?" "Annie:" "Hi." "Take it easy, Annie." "I'm not gonna touch you and I'm not gonna hurt you." "Just" " Are you all right?" " ( silence )" "( stammers ) What's the matter with you, Annie?" "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you," " I love you, I love you, I love you." " Annie, stop it." " Just take it easy." " Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me," " kiss me, kiss me." " Annie, take it easy." "Annie, just take it easy." "You don't know what you're saying." "Ohh, how I love you!" " Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me." " Annie, will you stop it?" "!" "Get ahold of yourself!" "Siegfried is outside." " We're liable to get killed." " I know." "Kiss me, kiss-  99:" "Max?" "Max, where are you?" " ( gunshots )" "Max, quick, the back way's clear." " I'll cover for you." " I love you." "Kiss me... 99, the strangest thing has happened to Annie." "Max, I love you, I love you." "I love you, I love you." "Kiss me..." "( theme music playing )"