"What happened to the girl who believed that real change could only come from within?" "You don't get points for keeping it real anymore." "Beauty has its privileges, and damn it, I want 'em." "People always go, "you were the nurse!"" "No, I was the doctor." "♪ ♪" "It is much harder being an actress than it is being an actor because the opportunities are just not there." "And certainly as a woman gets older, that goes down even more." "That goes down even more." "I certainly didn't want to play a mom." "I thought that was not glamorous." "You couldn't have packed very many clothes, so less to wash." "No, just more often." "I have gotten auditions for grandmothers, and I call up my agent, and I say, "are you kidding me?"" "♪ Behind every great man there had to be a great woman ♪" "Women often have a smaller shelf life." "They always seem to cast younger women opposite older men." "Well, in addition to imdb having an incorrect age, they also had me as 4'11"." "Here's a 66-year-old dwarf." "They also had me as 4'11"." "Here's a 66-year-old dwarf." "♪ Sister are doing it for themselves ♪" "They're always aging you up." "I've gone out for a 72-year-old woman, and I might have been a 52-year-old woman at the time." "♪ So we're coming out of the kitchen ♪" "♪ 'Cause there's something we forgot to say to you ♪" "The majority of people that are in decision-making positions are males." "This business is very male-centric." "I was angry at this young boy telling me what "a woman" should look like." "Telling me what "a woman" should look like." "I would rather stick my head in the sand like an ostrich than think about how unfair the industry is to women." "♪ Sisters are doin' it for themselves ♪" "I mean, I'm not gonna sit here and say," ""oh, I would have had a bigger career if I had slept with so-and-so,"" "but there are--there are parts that I didn't get." "Before you do your interview, while they're shaking your hand, they give you this look like," ""would you blow me if I asked you to?"" "Should I have slapped that person or what?" "Should I have slapped that person or what?" "Would not have happened if I were a man, because if I were a man, I would have punched him." "It's so old-fashioned, you know, that if you had big Hooters, you got that type of man's respect." "♪ Can you see there's a woman right next to you?" "♪" "Looks play a greater part in a career of an actress than an actor." "You have to watch your weight, take care of your skin and your hair, and those should be tax deductions, and they're not." "I'll look at a guy who's a character actor, and I'll go," ""if that was a woman, would they let her look like that?"" ""If that was a woman, would they let her look like that?"" "Casting will always say," ""we need hot, hot, hot."" "That limits the kinds of ladies you can submit." "You can't do this and not have a thick skin, because you're told all kinds of things." "When I was doing Chicago hope, one of the producers came over to me and said I should consider getting pregnant." "It would be a great storyline." "♪ Still loves a woman whoo!" "♪" "♪ And a woman still loves a man ♪" "♪ Just a same ♪" "I am an actor." "You don't have "doctress," you don't have "lawytress."" "You don't have "doctress," you don't have "lawytress."" "When you say "homeless," is it man or woman?" "About feelings between being called an actor and an actress," "I don't care as long as I'm being called something." "Just call me." "♪ ♪" "♪ Huh ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ Huh ♪" "I promised the president a soft touch." "I can't intentionally break my promise." "I auditioned for law  order, and they had every actress in my category in to audition, and they gave the role to queen latifah." "They asked me to take my clothes off." "They asked me to take my clothes off." "I called my agent, and her response was," ""oh, just lay back and enjoy it."" "♪ Yeah ♪" "Shh." "You'll wake the baby up." ""Are you on--."" "Yes." "I'm recognized by people from all over the world." "Ryan's hope, I'd get swamped." ""Don't I know you?"" ""You're an actress, aren't you?"" ""Superstar."" "I am that gal in that thing." "♪ Doin' it for themselves ♪" "♪ ♪" "You guys worked together?" "Yes, we did, on Chicago hope." " Who else?" " Yeah, we've worked together." "We--I've worked with these three lovely ladies." "The first time that I was "recognized,"" "I was doing a year in the life at the time." "I was going through the checkout counter, and this checkout guy, very cute, said," ""don't I know you?"" "The first thing I thought was, "did I sleep with him?"" "The first thing I thought was, "did I sleep with him?"" "Framed was--rob lowe." "I got to make out with rob lowe." "I mean, how many people get to say that, you know?" "Sorry, honey, but I made out with rob lowe." " I did too." " I know." "But I'm most famous for my CSI." "I played a person who had porphyria, which is, like, the madness of king George." "So I was vampiric." "The last scene is, like, the famous part." "You want an empirical experience?" "There's a fresh shake in my fridge." "There's a fresh shake in my fridge." "And that, like, freaked people out." "So no matter what I have done since or before, people are always like, "you want an empirical experience?"" "It's kind of freaky and creepy." "I love playing creepy." "First time I got noticed for disclosure," "I was, like, shocked." "I was shopping, and people were looking at me, and I got really nervous." "It's predominantly women who come up to me in public, because I think I was playing this strong female FBI agent on TV, and they responded to it." "On TV, and they responded to it." "Affection, sex, emotional commitment, that's all just for fun, huh?" "It's mostly for criminal minds, partly huff." "I did six episodes of friends that people still recognize me." "Even when people don't recognize me, they recognize my voice." "I want you to say it again." " Rose." " Say it, Bernard." "I am a dentist." "I am not Rambo." "And don't you forget it." "Sometimes people will be walking, and I'll see this." "Sometimes people will be walking, and I'll see this." "I'll see somebody look at me and go" "A lot of times, people think that they know me." ""I know you from somewhere, right?"" ""Are you from Denver?" "No."" ""Don't I know you?"" ""Gosh, you--are you sure?" "We--have we met?"" "And then I get nervous too, 'cause I think," ""well, maybe I do know them." But then I don't." ""Yes, I know you." "You--what have you done?"" "I oftentimes just try and go away with a no, because sometimes what happens is if you say you're an actress, then they say, if you say you're an actress, then they say," ""well, what have you been in?"" "You go through the list of things you've done." "Year by year, name by name, who else was in it." "And it's, "no." "No." "No, I don't really watch much TV--no."" "And at the end of a 15-minute thing, they'll go, "no, that's not it."" ""Oh, I know what it is." "You look like my high school teacher."" "I'm like, "I'm an idiot."" "It's just the most deflating thing." "But yesterday, I hear," ""excuse me, are you jayne Atkinson?"" ""Excuse me, are you jayne Atkinson?"" "And I think my face went into shock." "And he said, "are you jayne Atkinson from criminal minds?" And I said, "yes, I am."" "And that felt really good." "That's where we can toast." "Toast." " To the pilot." " That's right." "7th heaven, 'cause I watched that religiously." "I love the message of that show." "Right, yeah." "So I loved you on that show." "Thanks." " I'm a big fan." " Thanks." "I love that wherever I go in the world, people are going, "hey."" "The biggest place is the airport." "The biggest place is the airport." "Almost every time, airport security watches criminal minds, so they're all happy, which is nice." "They're nice people." "It means I always get the-- I'm getting that." "Oh, abroad." "I was on a ferry going to venice, and people were talking to me about profiler." "I was in China, and I was in a hotel in Beijing, and a bellboy stopped me and he said, "heroes."" "And I said, "yes." And that was thrilling, and he wanted his picture taken with me, and then I wanted a picture of him." "And then I wanted a picture of him." "So I have a picture of that sweet young man." "Oh, one sad one, though, was I just flew to New York, and I went through airport security, and the guy, you know, wanded me, and he said," ""so..." "You do actually work for the bureau, don't you?"" "And I said, "oh, no." "No, we're all actors."" "And we was-- "oh." He was so crestfallen." "I spent a five-hour flight thinking," "I spent a five-hour flight thinking," ""I should have just said--"" "anything to let that guy have his dream." "So if he's watching this," "I do in fact work for the bureau." "We've all been so blessed that we've been able to have careers in this business." "Years ago, to prove to my mother that I was actually doing something with my life," "I contacted screen actors guild, and I said, "how much money do people make?"" "And I was told that 5% of them make $5,000 or more, and I was told that 5% of them make $5,000 or more, and so I was able to go to my mother and say," ""see?" "I'm doing better than, you know, 95" "I'm making a living."" "The question has been posed that I decided at some point that acting would be a viable way of making a living, and I laughed." "This is an aspirational business we're in." "Make no mistake about that." "So it's about a dream." "When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose." "I thought acting was a viable career," "I thought acting was a viable career, but I knew my parents would freak out." "'Cause the reality is that a very small percentage of people that aspire to do this actually get the opportunity to do it." "People think, when you're a TV star or you're a movie star that, you know, you make lots and lots of money, but when you do a TV series or you're acting, you're only making that money for that short amount of time," "you're only making that money for that short amount of time, and then if you don't have a job, you have to live on that money and residuals." "I'm very frugal." "I'm a hoarder, I guess, because I know that what I've made so far may be what I have to live on for the rest of my life." "When I went to college in city college, I had" "The first teacher, she was like," ""how many people here-- Raise your hands, how many people here want to make money?"" "And those who raised their hands raised their hands, and she goes, "well, it's not gonna happen."" "It isn't to say that I was ungrateful, but I didn't appreciate what it was that I was experiencing." "But I didn't appreciate what it was that I was experiencing." "My first movie was with Sydney lumet directing, and I had scenes with Paul Newman." "You don't know that that's-- That it's not the norm." "I had a criteria for "you're not a real actress until--"" "and it wasn't even about getting paid enough." "It was, one, I wanted to get a residual check or a paycheck that was less than the price of a stamp." "I got it." "If you look at it, the fear really comes if you look at it, the fear really comes from not getting a job." "I was always going, "am I gonna make it?" "Am I gonna make it?"" "And I've always gotten a job again, so it's a--I guess like childbirth, you know?" "It's terrible pain, but you forget the pain because you get this beautiful gift." "Two, I wanted to be one of those people in a tabloid." ""Why the hell are you wearing this?"" "In that box." "I did it." "You know, I'm not a big movie star, but I have 15 movies that I've done, and I'm--feel really good about that." "And I'm--feel really good about that." "Three, somebody had to recognize me in a bathroom." "I had a long run on 24, and I was like every other fan of 24." "When I got onto the set, I said, "could you wait a minute?"" "Went round the corner and went, "I can't believe" "I'm on the set of 24!"" "Business-wise, to create a career is really hard." "You have to want it more than anything." "Not your soul, but it has to be your priority for--certainly through your 20s." "It can't be casual in any way." "I would spend a lot of time down at the public theater" "I would spend a lot of time down at the public theater getting coffee for rosemarie tichler and Mary Calhoun, who were the casting agents there." "I would go and kind of insinuate myself into their offices, and I got an audition out of probably just pestering them." "I don't know why, I just-- I just did that." "Most actresses have it together because they know it's survival of the fittest." "My heart breaks for people that get so crushed by this business." "And I think that women, just by their nature, and I think that women, just by their nature, are more sensitive, and you have to deal with that." "There's the people that are layered in shell" "They have a thick-- But you can't be that way and--and give a good performance, so you have to stay raw." "So if you're raw, you're vulnerable, and you get hurt." "I get hurt every day." "I get hurt with mahjong friends." "If no one calls me back, I'm hurt." "I had a director tell me I was a terrible actress." "I was able to say to him, "how dare you do that to me?" "I was able to say to him, "how dare you do that to me?" "How dare you speak like that to me?"" "After I was no longer in Chicago hope," "I was dropped by the agency that I was with." "He said, "people don't believe in you."" "I got in the closet and sat on the floor in the closet and just wept." "There's so much rejection, and you don't know if you're going to work, and if you get a job, immediately, you start saying," ""well, this will end."" "I tried to make them stop!" "I tried to save them, save Alice." "I tried to save them, save Alice." "And now Alice is alive." "You never knew if your character was gonna die, so the first thing you did was you would get the script and literally--I'm not kidding-- Flip to the back to see if I was still talking." "And you don't know when you're desperate sometimes or sometimes, you think you're containing it, and it's just oozing out of every pore, the desperation." "On a breakdown, which is what we, as agents, receive every day of the parts that are available out there, be it television, film, or theater, there're just not as many parts there're just not as many parts" "out there for women as there are for men." "You'll see all the billboards, six people up there on the billboard, and five of them will be men and one of them a young girl." "I would say that in an average breakdown, say, for a television show, out of five roles, probably four are for men." "One's for a woman, and a specific kind of woman, one's for a woman, and a specific kind of woman, normally the hot, sexy woman." "Young, 20-25 year-old, maybe latina, maybe Asian, biracial maybe." "There are more male roles..." "Than there are female roles." "There are more male writers than there are female writers." "That might have something to do with that." "In case you haven't noticed," "I too have a license to practice medicine." "I too have a license to practice medicine." "It does have to do with just gender." "Things are seen through a male vision." "So oftentimes, the female way of seeing things is not portrayed." "All the directors I've worked with are men." "I've worked with a few on-- When I did a year in the life," "I had two women directors, but there are no women directors on 24." "Some shows will actually pay a fine so they don't have to use women directors." "So they don't have to use women directors." "If more women were writing and directing," "I think that there would be more, if I may say, realistic and fleshed-out roles." "One time, I honestly left L.A., because I was in an audition, and this young guy, he said-- This is a woman thing" ""we want to like her, so can you just sort of take it down a little bit?"" "And I said, "I don't know about you," ""but when my husband acts like this guy, this is what he gets."" "The casting director called me, and she said, the casting director called me, and she said," ""you were the only woman who did that scene right."" "Profiler was a guy show, but it was a female lead." "We say it was a guy show because it went dark places where you usually don't put female actors." "Stand down." "Jaro is a proven mediator." "I am asked to come in to play the heads of things, and if they haven't been able to find the guy, the 60-year-old man to play the part," "I will be called in to do that, and it's challenging because they're written for men, and it's challenging because they're written for men, and I'm not a man." "I went to school with sigourney Weaver." "She had been cast in alien, and I had heard that it was written for a man, and" "And I and friends thought, how--how blessed she was, because it would be an interesting role that women don't normally get to play." "There have been times when I've called up, and said, "listen, would there be any way that I could go in and read for this guy role?"" "Because it's just far more interesting to me." "Because it's just far more interesting to me." "It's more fun." "Yeah, Nick of time, that role was for a man," "Mr. j-- It was Mr. Jones." "What we have here is what they call a Mexican standoff." "A man talks in a very stac-- Staccato, uses less words, and just by being a man, they're gonna give you something different." "I find that my power lies in owning my femininity, and I can get more using my femaleness than trying to compete with you as a man." "Than trying to compete with you as a man." "I just--there is no competition." "I can't." "I'm not gonna grow a penis." "It's not gonna happen." "A woman plays a cop, you're also gonna go for probably more of her emotional stuff." "She's gonna be more the heart of what's going on in the event, and I think being the heart of what the audience can relate to calls on a different thing." "When I got the role on 24, I really made a concerted effort to bring a femininity and strength, a concerted effort to bring a femininity and strength, so a softness and a strength to this woman." "Usually, the head is the man." "The heart is the woman, as I see it, in a lot of ways." "Or the slut is the woman." "Not usually the slut is the man." "There is a double standard between men and women on every level." "Pay, what you're allowed to look like, what you're allowed to say, the roles." "What you're allowed to say, the roles." "I mean, you name it." "There's not equal pay, and that needs to stop." "When I was first starting out, I would often be told," ""they're gonna cast the husband before they cast you."" "And that husband wouldn't be any more well-known than me, and he would get more money." "There is an imposed difference on the value of a woman as opposed to a man." "That is a truth." "Lilly ledbetter, who worked for 40 years, lilly ledbetter, who worked for 40 years, and somebody anonymously handed her a note and said, "do you realize that you're being paid less than a young man who has just come on?"" "So I try to find out what my costars are being paid." "I feel when it comes to payment, that if someone asked me what I got paid because they want to know if they are getting less or or more, I'll tell them." "I don't feel any problems with that." "Most actors will not ask for what they could be paid." "They will take less, because we want to work." "They will take less, because we want to work." "You have to be insane to be an actress." "I think I was always a crazy person." "Yeah, I'm a little unhinged." "We are storytellers." "We are the place where story reveals itself." "It's powerful when people see you on a screen." "Part of why you're in this business, there's that aspect of the excitement." "There's an adrenaline rush." "We're just attention whores." "We are." "I never thought it was acting." "I never thought it was acting." "I just kind of always felt like it was just being." "Who else is gonna tap-dance for the world?" "I mean, we are troubadours, and I do believe in what we give people, that it's really--you know, we make them laugh and cry." "That serves a real purpose on the planet." "So we're the fools that do it, and so be it, you know?" "Don't most "actresses" like to be called actors?" "I like to say "actor."" "I call myself an actor, but that's just because I'm trying to be cute." "But that's just because I'm trying to be cute." "I always say "actor."" "That's co--I went through training at Cornell." "It was real grotowski." "I mean, it was, like, we were not prissy actresses." "We were actors, and we were warriors, you know." "I'm gonna say "actress."" "I very rarely get to speak on being an "act..." "Or"" "who's a female." "However you want to put it." "Sometimes, really politically correct or strident ladies will be upset by that, but I kind of want to take back the word "actress"" "'cause I don't understand why that became a bad word." "I consider myself a character actress." "I could be a leading actress, but I consider myself a character actress." "I've always kind of felt like I'm a character actor in a leading lady's face and body, and so that's worked for me and against me." "There's this term called "the bete belle,"" " the monster..." " Belle bete." "Pretty, yeah." "It's what all of my favorite actresses are." "They can be ugly, and they can be pretty, they can be ugly, and they can be pretty, but they're unusual-looking in some way." "Character actors usually look a little sideways, don't look like "the norm."" "You know, in the verdict, that was described as a "character role."" "And when I went for that audition," "I went with "dirty hair" and no makeup, and there was a lot of response from people in the business that I wasn't pretty enough to do leading lady things." "I never felt that my appearance was my way into the business because it wasn't." "Because it wasn't." "I was amazed that they would hire me at all." "However, when I did get out here, I was 35, and where they hired me were these interesting characters." "Funny or serious, they were characters." "This is my life, all right?" "It's my life." "You people are destroying my life." "Sometimes, I overdo a part, you know, where there's so much subtext, you give her such a background." "I mean, you know what she had for breakfast in third grade." "And so when it comes time to set, action, you're so full of all of this that you can't do the scene." "You're so full of all of this that you can't do the scene." "I had learned from garbo talks," "I had such a history for that character." "Came over and he said," ""just eat the hamburger, Catherine." "Just eat the hamburger."" "I'd like to keep you, but I don't have the money." "Oh." "And I realized that-- What all the teachers tried" "It's a simple action being completed." "You're not the lead in the show." "You don't stop the flow with your questions." "Just say the lines." "That's your motivation." "I define my position as a woman who can do it all." "I define my position as a woman who can do it all." "However, I haven't had the lead in a movie." "The kind of personality and projection one has to have to hold that power" "It's a power, and..." "I've been sort of scared of that power." "Hey." "I was at Princeton." "One of the guys in my Greek studies class was also a Greek scholar and had done a translation of euripides' electra, a translation of euripides' electra, and there were very few women on campus, and I auditioned for it, and lo and behold," "I got the lead." "I did it, and..." "I think I was probably God-awful, but I got bit." "I didn't view acting as a male-dominated field." "I was raised in a way to think that I could do anything." "I never saw limitations 'cause I was a female." "Quite the opposite, in fact." "Because I was a female," "I saw this as I could be an artist." "And it's interesting to hear us all talk about this," "And it's interesting to hear us all talk about this, because I'm so fortunate to have had the career that I've had." "I feel like I've only just begun." "My desire to act for a living started auditioning for the town play." "When I was little, and we had to improvise, and people were laughing, and it was that, "oh, you know, oh." "They like me." And it, you know..." "Feels really good when you're kind of an awkward kid." "And so I wanted to act from six or seven on, and did all school plays." "And did all school plays." "My mom always told me to learn to type." "I never learned to type." "For me, it certainly wasn't because I had a family that was involved in theater." "In fact, the first play my mother ever saw, I was in." "Acting was bananas where I come from, like, the worst thing you could do." "Just old Massachusetts schoolteachers." "I grew up in Arizona." "There was not much theater." "I grew up in Arizona." "There was not much theater." "I was a cheerleader in high school." "There wasn't a thea-- Drama department." "I wasn't the kind of kid that was like," ""I'm gonna be an actor." I didn't do that." "I was very shy, and I read plays, and I think they expressed what I could not." "Because I was shy, because I loved words, it was like playing." "I got to play." "I was an English major and theology at notre dame." "I had this epiphany at notre dame about the arts." "Then I really wanted to become in that world, and it was very intimidating." "It was like entering a temple, the arts building." "It was like entering a temple, the arts building." "One of the reasons why I picked nyu to go to for college, because I thought, "well, New York, I mean," ""that's, you know, the city for everything." ""I mean, everybody's creative there." "Everybody's, you know, doing something."" "Through modeling, then just remote control happened, then I met my cousin's friend, agent, and all of a sudden, this career just kind of began, and it just felt like I was born to do it," "but now I had to actually get some tools." "I worked at McDonald's, and then I took my McDonald's money and went to the Lee strasberg school in New York." "To the Lee strasberg school in New York." "And then I did one play, and I sort of guess I got bit." "When I decided to pursue acting," "I had 100% support from my mother and father." "It was a little bit like," ""empty your pockets," from my mother." "I mean, "we spent all this money for Kent and nyu," ""and you were gonna be a lawyer, and now you're gonna be a model and an actor, really?"" "My father had wanted my mother to leave us, the three girls, and go to New York to become an actress." "That's how much he believed in her." "Thank God she didn't do it." "I think it's much harder to represent women than men." "An actress's options are limited, an actress's options are limited, and perhaps her length of career might be shorter than a guy's." "Sometimes, you know, leading people become characters." "We age out." "Age." "Age--age is a rough thing for women." "The topic of age in Hollywood, it's a huge topic." "The feast or famine part has always been true." "The famine is coming to the forefront more and more the famine is coming to the forefront more and more as I get older because there are fewer and fewer and fewer roles." "I want to go gray." "Do it." "My gray is pretty." "It's silver." "But I'm very conflicted, as far as an actor, wheth--what-- What that says." "Does that mean I'm only gonna do roles with women who have gray hair?" " No." " No." "I think it puts you into a different category." "It does." "Casting directors and directors and writers are assuming if it's gray hair, that person is over 65." "That person is over 65." "Yeah, I think it would look beautiful, but I don't know if I would have the courage to do it." "I was put into a pot and out into space when I turned 40." "It felt like" "I wasn't really this and I wasn't really that." "Not that you're aged out, but there're just not as many parts as you get older." "They'll let you know if you can work again." "When you're like, you could be the granny." ""Oh, I'm in that wave."" "I really don't want to play a grandmother." "You get to an age and that's sort of, like, what the jobs are." "And the descriptions?" "I just got a job, true, true, true." "I just got a job, true, true, true." ""Character breakdown, NCIS special agent vera strickland." ""Late f" "Brassy, smart, and as tough as any man."" "If you read, "haggard, tired, but a strong woman with grandchildren,"" "don't call me." ""Old school federal agent is eagerly looking forward to retirement in the very near future."" "Looking forward to retirement in the very near future."" "Am I right?" "Women are often cast older than they are, and so they will cast someone, a young mother, to be someone in her 20s when she really should probably be in her 30s." "They have a young grandmother who might be in her early 40s." "Like, if I was 40, I was playing a 50-year-old woman." "Like, if I was 40, I was playing a 50-year-old woman." " I could get those roles." " Right." "And I called it Hollywood's form of airbrushing, and so men--men" "Men were looking at their 50-year-old wives saying, "why don't you look like that?"" "Well, the fact is that the actress is 40 years old." "I mean, look at Angela lansbury, right, played Laurence Harvey's mother in the manchurian candidate, and she was, what, just a couple years older than he was, I think, at the time." "I was doing picket fences, and occasionally," "I would come on and play tom skerritt's ex-wife, and I found at one point, they actually mentioned our ages, and I found at one point, they actually mentioned our ages, and they brought his down, and they added to mine." " Oh, wow." " No!" " Yes." " Ugh." "But it was a fun role, so I didn't care." "There's more opportunity for men even if they're character men than for a woman as they get older." "I just appreciated Al Pacino and Sean connery just as much as they got older." "They were still amazing and attractive to me." "But if you go to look at European or English television or film" "Or English television or film" "The English allow women to age gracefully." "Dame judi dench, Maggie Smith, you know, they're embraced." "Less so here, I think." "And it's very challenging to age in--in this profession, and have a sense of self esteem and self value." "And I think that's the worst thing, your confidence being shaken, for an actor." "Your confidence being shaken, for an actor." "You know, when you're young and you're hungry and you want that job, it's-- Somehow it's charming." "It wins people over, that aggression." "If I was to behave the same way I did when I was, you know, in my 20s now, it would be really offensive and look desperate." "It would look desperate." "I've been very blessed in so many ways with this career." "I've made a living." "I know that I get to every birthday and say," ""I cannot believe that I have made my living," ""I cannot believe that I have made my living, you know, to this age."" "I am better than I've ever been." "I have more-- I'm more professional, and I have to take the pleasure with what I can do, you know." "And maybe I'll be lucky enough that something will come 'round again." "And, you know, the population is aging, and maybe there'll be more roles for women later." "I think what I miss more than acting is being the woman who the truck drivers don't look at anymore." "Don't look at anymore." "That's when I go, "oh, it's really over."" "I mean, when the only men who look at me are, like, really old--gray, you know, and I go, "oh, he thinks I'm cute." ""He's about 78, but whatever." ""I'll take it." "Hi."" "I think roma hit on something when she said they don't have Hollywood, and I always thought that so many of us are drawn out here to Hollywood where it is a whole different perception of women, and" "Where it is a whole different perception of women, and" "Appearance is important out here in Hollywood, and yes, when I was younger," "I--I played up what I had." "Do I ever use my femininity or my feminine wiles to get work?" "Sure, to a point." "But I had nice legs, and I--you know, and I didn't mind that, and I knew that, and I wore my hair long because that's" "That was more appealing." "I didn't grow up huge-breasted and, you know, maybe-- I think for some women, maybe-- I think for some women, you know, and it must be great," "I think they really want to show off their" "I mean, there's--it's just like, you've got the goods." "I bring out the girls constantly." "I never led with my body." "We had uniforms." "It was, like, the brain was encouraged in development more than breasts." "I am not above putting on the wonderbra and bringing out the velcros for the hair." "I think it's important." "I think you use what God gave you within the confines of what the character is asking for." "And I also tell actors now," ""if you look pretty and blonde, don't be in L.A.." ""If you look pretty and blonde, don't be in L.A.." ""That's where they all are." "Go to where you're the opposite of most of the citizens."" "You know, in those days-- I mean, you know, it's dark." "It's Italian." "It's ethnic." "A blonde stands out, so, you know, that made sense to me, and I'd always go back to New York when I knew I needed to stand out again." "When I first got out here, being sent out on things, and they wanted a blonde, and so I looked into becoming a blonde." "I went and got a wig, and I looked terrible as a blonde." "I would have gone blonde" "I would have gone blonde if my coloring would have allowed it." "I looked so sick 'cause I have, you know, mediterranean-type olive skin." "I went to one audition, and they wanted me to come back, but they said, "have her wear something more pastel-y."" "So I bought myself something that--pastel, and it was head-to-toe, like, furry, pink outfit, and I put a big pink bow in my hair." "I went to the audition, and that's not what they wanted at all." "I looked like a rabbit." "I looked like a rabbit." "Oddly enough, I did get the role." "What's your first commodity when you are in a visual art?" "It's what you look like." "When I go in and audition, it makes whatever statement I want to make about the character, there's" "There's something about the character, whether it's the hair, whether it's her breasts, or whether it's her ass, or, you know, her shoes." "I think shoes are really important." "I love shoes." "I love high heel shoes, and I think they're sexy, and I think the way they make my body curve is sexy, you know, so I'm gonna use that." "So I'm gonna use that." "They didn't have any idea that they were serving actresses, did they?" "'Cause one plate would have been for all of us." "I mean, hi, we could have all shared that." "We have judgments about what women look like, what they should look like, what they don't look like." "When I first started out, my agent told me I was gonna have to lose weight." "When I think about that, and I was so beautiful, and my body was just gorgeous." "And my body was just gorgeous." "Can we see a woman who has a pot belly who has a drinking problem?" "No." "Can we see that of a man?" "Yes." "Have I felt pressure from the industry about how I look?" "Sure." "One thing is weight." "You know, I'd rather eat ice cream than anything else." "That's always-- That's just normal." "I mean, all the actress-- You should be slim to be in--a film actor." "Camera puts 10 pounds on you, so you have to be 10 pounds less than what you weigh." "So you have to be 10 pounds less than what you weigh." "I actually feel better when I'm 10 pounds lighter, but when I'm told, when my 10 pounds lighter, and I look great, and then I've got to lose 10 more pounds and look like this, that's what upsets me." "And that definitely affects how" "How you see yourself, what you see." "What the mass media is giving you as an example of who you are is very affecting." "It's meant to be, and it works." "It's meant to be, and it works." "I-I hate costume fitting." "To walk into a costume fitting and they've asked you what your sizes are, and it depends what designer that they get, and they go, and you can't zip up the dress or you've put on a few pounds," "and you just really hope that they put you in something that makes you look thin, and" "And then you never know if they're gonna say," ""oh, I just saw her, and she's as big as a house now,"" "and things like that." "And things like that." "But then we also have women who have made it in our industry who are just being who they are." "That's the wonderful thing about being a character actress, because I--there are roles that it doesn't matter." "Plastic surgery, would I do it?" "Yes." "There are actresses who are getting plastic surgery at 23 years old." "It's a big nose." "Look at that thing." "But you're gonna say, "it's a visual medium."" "I was gonna say" "Do I look better with bigger lips?" "I have not had a shot of Botox." "You can tell." "You do see a lot of women having a nip, tuck here and there, and I--absolutely." "Go for it, if they want to." "This was when I was really young." ""Should I get my nose thinned?" "Should I get my--you know, my chin built out?"" "When I was in Chicago hope, when I was in Chicago hope," "David kelley wrote this whole scene where I decided I wanted to get all this plastic surgery done, so they took all these very unflattering photos of me, and one of the things was a chin implant." "We're just doing this for fun, right?" "I wondered if it was a covert message from the creator of the television show that I should have some tweaking done." "Hey, that's not bad." "Well, I had an agent once tell me that I should get, you know, work done." "But what would I look like if I'd gotten a nose job?" "Who would I be?" "I'd just be another brunette chick." " What's the point?" " Yeah." " What's the point?" " Yeah." "Men don't have to do it." "In fact, it's better if men don't do it, 'cause that can get looking a little weird." "Guys don't feel pressure." "I'm sure guys, with hair, it's a big deal." "And a" "Double chin?" "Or their chins." "They don't worry about their bellies." "You want to get some filler, you want to get some Botox, you want to have a little bit of" "You know, look like you've been on a vacation?" "Power to you." "I don't care." "I would do that." "I guess if you go to get Botox, they give you a brochure saying, "you may need to tell your family," "'I'm very angry, '" because your face doesn't move." "'I'm very angry, '" because your face doesn't move." "I don't like the idea of not being able to make an expression because that's sort of the job." "But you know, it's all so crappy because you can always tell when you look on the screen." "You go..." ""That face was worked with."" "It is very challenging for a woman." "I think that's one of the reasons why I want to go into producing and directing, 'cause I honestly don't know that I'm gonna want to do what I see it takes sometimes what I see it takes sometimes" "to be a woman in front of the camera, especially with hd, which is meant for horses and sports." "I turned down body heat, not because of the nuns, because I was so pissed off." "For a while in the late '70s, early '80s, every script just had, like, seven nude scenes." "It was a period of time where people were much more sexually liberated." "The work is one thing, and you can say yes or no to that." "I turned it down because it was, like, really, I thought, you know-- It just pissed me off." "Really, I thought, you know-- It just pissed me off." "When I was doing highlander, they had decided sort of late in the game that they wanted to make it a little sexier, so they wanted to put this lovemaking scene in it." "I called my agent, who was a female, and" "Thinking that she would be, you know, responsive and sympathetic, and I said," ""you know, they're asking me to take my clothes off, and I don't have this in my contract."" "She didn't think it was a problem." "She didn't understand why I was being so puritanical." "She didn't understand why I was even upset by it." "She didn't understand why I was even upset by it." "I was annoyed because I thought," ""I never saw Liz Taylor's tits."" "You know what I mean?" "They were sex--uber sexpots, and we never--they never had to get naked." "I think with the expansion of cable television and the nudity that is being exposed on those shows that most people are sort of immune to it." "It's just part of the game out here, yeah." "It's part of this business." "It's part of this business." "Sexism was more out in the open when I was younger, but I was more of a sexual object then." "If I had a dime for everybody who's ever said something inappropriate, I wouldn't have to work." "Whether or not we're working on a project for six weeks or three months or seven years, it gets to be long hours, and I think that yes, there are more men on the set." "I feel sometimes it's a little borderline." "Just came out from New York, and I go to bad news bears with Jack warden, and I go to bad news bears with Jack warden, and I'm playing the principal." "I wore a padded bra one day, and all of a sudden, he was all over me." "Not all over me, but flirting and talking." "But it really pissed me off." "On stage and in TV and film, I've never felt used in any way except maybe once in my life, but that was a situation, it was very brief, and you say, "what just happened?"" "We were on the set, and the director, instead of talking to me to direct me and saying, "hey, Alicia, you know, you might want to try this,"" ""girly." "Hey, girly." ""Girly." "Hey, girly." "Can you--" and I remember" "You were looking for girly?" "It's like, "really?"" "I'm not the kind of person that's gonna, like, kowtow." "I'm gonna come right at you, which did not serve me well." "And then, of course, because I do defend myself, now I'm a difficult bitch." "I have felt at times that I wasn't respected." "I don't know that I felt pressured." "I just knew that if I was more "free,"" "I just knew that if I was more "free,"" "if I was unattached, that things might be" "Go a little bit more my way." "There is something that sometimes guys do." "I've seen showrunners and directors do it, and one talk show host who is no longer on the air." "It's, like, the blowjob look." ""Would you?" "Would you blow me?"" "Like, just silent." "It was such a specific look, and they all" "Not that they all did it, but the guys who did it all did it the same." "But the guys who did it all did it the same." ""Could I if I wanted to?" "Egggh."" "And you have to figure out how to be like, "oh, dirty boy."" "But, like, don't give up too much, but give them a little wink and a "ooh" or you're out." "Now, that doesn't mean that I've ever had to do anything to anybody after that point, but they give you that look like they want to make sure that" "That you give them the respect they deserve by faking it enough that you find them attractive." "By faking it enough that you find them attractive." "For that one talk show host," "I found that offensive that he gave me the blowjob look right before shooting an interview, so I gave him a, "ha, ha, the fuck do you think you're doing?" Look back," "and he crucified me on air." "What is the worst thing that's happened to you that was because of your gender?" "I did a movie, and I had a sex scene." "I did a movie, and I had a sex scene." "We were wearing clothing, except my top was down." "And I said, "will you make sure to cover me?" "I don't do nudity."" "He said, "fine."" "But while the camera was moving 20 feet back, he was talking about," ""oh, this is the greatest job because it's sanctioned cheating,"" "and he's trying to put his fingers inside of my body." "Really?" "And I'm trying to pull his hand out, and I'm trying to pull his hand out, and I can't get up." "And it was, like, actually illegal." "That's, you know, beyond sexual harassment." "It's molestation." "And there was nothing I could do except, you know, try and," ""ho, ho, ho, you're so-- You're so funny,"" "and try to keep his hand out of" "I mean, that's-- That's bad." "I was uncomfortable, but I thought it was my fault, but I thought it was my fault, and I was wondering if, you know, I had done something wrong." "I felt really guilty." "I felt, um--um, the-- That it was" "That it was my fault." "So I just tried to put it away like," ""okay, that didn't happen, and, you know, maybe I'm making a big deal out of this."" "But it was bad." "It--it felt--it felt bad." "There's nothing you should do to get a role." "There's nothing you should compromise" "There's nothing you should compromise" "Your body or your beliefs-- To get a role." "It's not worth it." "Sorry." "You know, I'm a character actress, straight up and down, so I don't get a chance to, you know, be dolled up and do the lashes and the glamour makeup." "I'm never cast that way, and when I try to make a change in myself, like losing weight for instance, casting director says," ""you're not gonna be cast like that because we need you to have more girth," you know?" "Because we need you to have more girth," you know?" "I mean, so casting directors have a bias about how they want to present you if they, you know" "What archetype do you fit that they can cast?" "Both men and women are typecast." "In casting, they will hire you close to what you somehow" "Whatever you project yourself to be, be it the boss or a cop or a" "A mother who cries a lot." "And I play judges a lot." "I've had nurses a lot." "I've had nurses a lot." "I've played doctors a lot." "My new category is the woman without a career, but she is somebody's mother." "Mothers, played a lot of mothers." "I have had the best-looking kids on TV." "Jennifer Aniston played my daughter on Ferris Bueller." "Then I played Josh radnor's mother on how I met your mother." "Focus on your job now because your career clock is ticking." "There's time for marriage and kids and all that other stuff later." "And all that other stuff later." "And on friends, I played Paul rudd's mother." "Mom, dad, this is Phoebe." "And then on heroes," "I played Adrian pasdar and milo ventimiglia's mother." "Good-looking kids." "What I'm noticing is people that I play the mother of go on to have brilliant" "Big, brilliant careers." "I've been the mother of Dwayne Johnson, the rock," "Regina king on southland, lennie James on low winter sun." "Lennie James on low winter sun." "I've been mos def's mother." "I've been so many mothers that I can't even remember how many mothers I've been." "Um, but that's-- That's a good thing." "Earlier on, I played victims." "I look like a caring, loving mother, so that's what I would get cast as." "Everybody wanted me to read them "good night" stories." "And then I switched over, and I look like a bitch, hard and strong and ambitious." "Hard and strong and ambitious." "I kind of wanted to be thought of as somebody who could be a lot of different people." "No one wants to be pigeonholed." "Yeah, exactly." "So you want the freedom, 'cause that's why you wanted to act." "You wanted the freedom to be a little bit of everybody." "Nobody really knows that I can do comedy." "Nobody really knows that I can sing." "I'd like to do a comedy." "Maybe, you know, show a shoulder." "I don't know." "Hopefully, if you get to a certain level in your career, people might give you a chance people might give you a chance to do something a little bit different, something more." "You know your types that you like." "So I was proud of the fact I could be intellectual and also self-destructive, pathetic." "Then I became great at compassion." "Oh, mom, thanks." "You're welcome, honey." "I think I'm the best there is at asking a kid," ""how are you feeling?"" "No one does it better, 'cause I really mean it." "I've always played very strong women." "I'm still not really being cast as the mom yet," "I'm still not really being cast as the mom yet, even though I am one." "The first film role I got I was a prostitute, and the first television role I got I was a prostitute." "But always with a heart of gold." "The first couple of roles I ever did though were murderers." "I played a murderer on matlock, which was my first show out here, and a murder on moonlighting." "Did you know he'd done that?" "That's not true." "My specialty, I always knew, was the hurt blonde, the victim blonde, which led to Marilyn, 'cause at Cornell I did after the fall, 'cause at Cornell I did after the fall, and I always had an affinity for the lonely blonde." "I fall into a number of categories because I'm a woman and because I'm a woman of color." "Yes, I can get cast as a lot of different things." "And you do." "Usually men who have become women." "Yes, I do." "I get a lot of mafia stuff." "I wonder why." "I started out, floozy, floozy, doctor, doctor, lawyer..." "I do look medical." "I look very medical." "For a while there, it was just one judge after another, it was just one judge after another, one nurse after another." "A mafia daughter who's also a lesbian." "Victim, victim, victim..." "Yeah, 'cause every mafia family needs a good lesbian." "You need a lesbian, yeah." "Yeah, you need that and a good cannoli." "Floozy, floozy--not floozy, lonely--lonely blonde..." "I've played a mother, a mother..." "Lonely blonde, doctor..." "I was a doctor in double jeopardy," "Chicago hope, er." "I've played a nurse probably 87 times." "I've played a nurse probably 87 times." "Or a lawyer." "I mean, they're a close two." "Doctors, psychiatrists, lawyers." "Lawyer, lawyer, lonely blonde, lonely blonde, lonely blonde..." "A lawyer, a lawyer." "Doctor, doctor, lawyer, lawyer, mother..." "I think that's all I can remember, unless I was a prostitute who also was a doctor." "A bitch, a bitch..." "Mom, mom, mom..." "And a bitch." "Crazy person, crazy person." "That's where I am now." "It's not a bitch and a bitch, but I played women in power, women in power, a woman in charge, an ambitious woman in charge." "The intent of the statute is to protect the sanctity of marriage by encouraging spouses to communicate." "I loved her." "I need to play a character like that." "Those inflammatory accusations are irrelevant to Mr. keener's testimony, and he is poison to the jury." "She was fun." "She was sexy." "She was fun." "She was sexy." "Even though I do remember, it was so funny, because, you know," "I was supposed to be a love interest for Sam waterston." "But I'll never forget, it was, like, the first day of work, and I hear the director, and he goes to Sam, he goes," ""you guys had an affair," ""but it was late, and you were drunk." ""You were really, really drunk." "You were drunk."" "I'm like, "how many 'drunks' did he have to be" ""to have an affair?" "Why was he so drunk?"" "I, like many actors in my age group." "I, like many actors in my age group and in my ethnic category finds themselves, you know, playing the service role, the help role." "I'm getting my master's in theater, fine arts." " Oh!" " Oh, good for you!" "So I've been working and doing that." "This has come about because my thesis, it has to do with actors of color, and I'm writing about what is that depiction, what is that stereotype?" "What is that stereotype?" "And it started out as stereotypes, and has it continued, and where is it right now?" "This is for asians, for Spanish, it's for non-white." "When I was eight, nine years old," "I only went to school for half a day because of the overcrowding and because there was a refusal to bus black kids into white neighborhoods." "Because my mother worked, my older sister and brother would walk me to the neighborhood movie theater where there was a cleaning lady where there was a cleaning lady that, you know, we knew that worked there." "And I could go in every day and sit there until 3:00, 3:15 when my older sister and brother would pick me up on the way back home." " But movies." " Yeah." "Movies and the people that I was seeing were, like," "Bette Davis and Joan Crawford and Loretta young." "In fact, I thought I was Loretta young." "And I totally related to what these white actresses were doing." "The black actresses playing the maids were invisible to me." "I made them invisible because all I saw" "I made them invisible because all I saw was the stereotype of the--the bugged eye and "yes'm" and" "And, "oh, lordy." ""Oh, my, my, my." ""Oh, mister, mister, mister." "Mr. rhett, Mr. rhett, Mr. rhett."" "It's not anybody." "Some prank, framing someone for murder." "The reason why people watch television" "A reason, not the only reason" "Is that people want an eye-bird's view of what something else looks like, of what something else looks like, of another story, another culture." "And I think that representation of who we all are in this global world we live in is important." "Even though there were those stereotypical examples of people doing this work that looked like me, in my mind they didn't look like me." "I looked like Loretta young." "Do I see a change?" "Well, let me ask you this." "Mm-hmm?" "Mm-hmm?" "Devious maids?" "Who are the maids?" "Are they Latin women?" "I think they're mostly latinas, yeah." "Okay." "We have one show with a black lead actress, and the name of the show is..." "Scandal." "Scandal, yeah." "So I think yes, and then I think no." "I used to look at television as a thing to aspire to, to a thing that I expected really good things from." "To a thing that I expected really good things from." "And now, yes, there are good things that come from television." "The majority of it?" "No." "Stereotypes are broken?" "No." "I remember when I first came out to L.A." "My agent at the time said to me that after I left my audition that they asked him whether or not I was pretty, and he said, "well, she was just in your room." "Didn't you look at her?" "What--what do you think?"" "They're like, "well, what is she?"" "Since then, I've found that, you know, that people are curious as to what I am." "That people are curious as to what I am." "I learned not to say what I was ethnically from many auditions in New York where if I said," "I got canceled out of things or I got, "no."" "Well, yeah." "I'm white, but I'm not white." "I can be black, but I'm not fully black." "My great-grandmother was black." "She was also Spanish." "So I--in fact, when I did nine lives of Chloe king, they needed to know that I actually was hispanic." "They needed to know that I actually was hispanic." "So if I was a whatever I am, I would only play those roles?" "And what I am, I don't get cast as." "So what does it matter?" "I can do multiple ethnicities." "I can go from puerto rican to Mexican to, you know, to Indian." "Sometimes they would just cast you because you are ethnic to satisfy a quota." "You know, and that makes it very easy, you know, for the producers because they've got six or seven categories they can choose from." "They can choose from." "There was a time when each group lobbied for their representation in the media." "Now everybody's under the same umbrella." "It's so thick with levels of who gets and who doesn't." "Race is, you know, the great un-equalizer, you know, and there's just no other way to--to deal with that." "And there's just no other way to--to deal with that." "Because people have brains this thick when it comes to things like that, race and what" "Who are you, and--you know, you're already put in a box, and then you got to put in a smaller box." "It's like those Russian dolls." "By the time you get to who you are, you're this big." "Today we're-- We're in a different world where girls eight and nine, when my, you know, image was being formed, are now able to see black women in a myriad of roles and positive images." "And positive images." "I don't audition anymore." "It depresses me." "Do you all audition?" "Okay, I'll tell you about auditioning." "I hate it." "I hate it." "I think it's really bad for me to even dwell on" "On how much I hate auditioning." "Oh!" "Auditions are the worst thing about the job." "Park and then walk and then have the assistant go, "mm-hmm."" "I like auditioning." "I do." "I like auditioning." "I do." "They like it?" "It's a minority." "Gets me out of the house." "It does, and depending on the role," "I get to shower, and I get to pick out an outfit." "I feel like Barbie." "I love going in and meeting people." "If you bring tea or coffee, you're just kind of having a coffee date." "The fact is there's people there looking at you, and you walk in the room, and it's such a close quarters that you know the minute someone goes like this, they're not into it, and it's over." "They're not into it, and it's over." "You know, you just-- They lean back." "It's just-- It's just too much information." "Second-guessing, trying to figure out what they want, and they don't know what they want half the time." "I was called into audition halls that, you know, had some of my idols sitting on the same, you know, couch waiting to go in." "So if that's the way you treat them, that you make them come in and sing for their supper, then there's something wrong with this process." "Then there's something wrong with this process." "Sally field had-- Had to audition for Lincoln." "Frankly, I" "Honestly, that pisses me off." "One day I went in and the line was," ""I got an ass like a Mississippi mule and a tongue that won't quit."" "Pure Shakespeare." "She had me in that office saying that about" "I must have been in there an hour, because she wanted to bring me to the director, but she goes, "you're not saying it right."" "But she goes, "you're not saying it right."" "So I had to say for an hour," ""I got an ass like a Mississippi mule and a tongue that won't quit."" "At one point she had me do the tongue." ""And a tongue that won't quit."" "Is how I did it." "I thought I was sexy." "I found auditioning to be a game-changer for me when I realized that those are my three minutes." "So if you have to do this thing called auditioning, it belongs to you and nobody else, and it really is a time where you can play and, and it really is a time where you can play and," "you know, you can act." "I think of auditions as working as well." " It is." " That's part of the job." "That's--that's working." "So as long as there are auditions happening, there's the possibility of work." "Now that I'm older, I now audition what I think is good." "I'm given four, five, six pages of sides." "I do what I think is good or funny or interesting, and if they cast me, that's the job I want." "And if they cast me, that's the job I want." "If they think I'm doing it incorrectly," "I don't want that job." "But I almost didn't get the fugitive." "They asked to weave together a few scenes so that you could, you know, show the director a little more of yourself." "So I thought, well, why weave together three or four scenes as a U.S. marshal when there's a U.S. marshal that got a lot to do already, lieutenant Gerard, so why don't I just read his stuff?" "And then I got word from my agent and then I got word from my agent that they were saying no." "I've noticed lately though one thing that helps me a lot is the--the at-home self-taping." "I like that." "I think the self-taping can actually be better because you can take as much time as you want with it, and you can really work on it." "So the next thing I tried is my ex, he had a camera, and we had a gun." "We decided to make a little short film of me apprehending him, throwing him up against the wall, throwing him up against the wall, handcuffing him, talking rough to him, and it was so funny 'cause it was so corny." "Okay, but they got such a kick out of this little video that I sent in that finally the answer was," ""okay, you got it."" "Most actresses know that it's so competitive out there that they can't let anything stand in their way." "They always have to be-- Not only be on time, but be together, know their lines, and look their best because they know that any little thing and look their best because they know that any little thing" "could stop them from getting work." "We all know you can act." "That's not your job." "Your job is to go to work every day with a smile on your face, and your job is to leave that set so that everybody that you've ever come in contact with on that set will want to work with you again." "That is your job." "That is your career." "I wouldn't have been anywhere if I had a family earlier." "I think you have to" "I think you have to" "I would stay single for as long as possible as an actress." "But I don't think of it as a sacrifice, 'cause I, you know, you have to be, I think, free to go wherever they need you to go." "It has not caused me to make any sacrifice" "I was not willing to make." "So in that sense, I have not made any sacrifices." "I have been married, actually, to a very nice man, but it just-- You know how life is." "I could not have lived my life without children." "I didn't--I don't know that I especially wanted them" "I didn't--I don't know that I especially wanted them as I was growing into" "From being a girl into a woman and having that be something on my radar, until I met my husband and then realized," ""oh, well, I--I, you know, this--this could be something that we could do together."" "I don't have children." "I have a goddaughter, nieces and nephews and obviously two dogs." "I used to have three." "But did it-- Has acting stopped me from doing anything I wanted to do?" "No." "On a film set or a TV set, there are, on a film set or a TV set, there are, out of 180 people," "110 guys are dads, but maybe four women are working mothers." "It's interesting, because I was asked when I was doing the rainmaker with Woody," ""do you think you have to give up things" ""like a relationship, a marriage, having children to have a career?"" "And I at that point was actually--I was pregnant." "I didn't know it, but I was pregnant." "People don't like to really hire the--the pregnant women." "We've had experience with actresses we've had experience with actresses that their careers are really going and going well and there are many opportunities, hopefully, to come along, and then you get a message from them saying," ""uh-oh, I'm pregnant."" "And you go, "ahh!"" "I had two jobs actually while I was very, very early on pregnant, and I had to lie, lie, lie." "I also thought I couldn't do a television series because I was pregnant." "But I could get away with doing a--a film because the film would shoot this short amount of time, because the film would shoot this short amount of time, and I could do that, and I kept my pregnancy a secret." "When it comes to trying to get a new job, say a new series regular or a film, that does definitely take someone out of the running." "I will say that" "I've had to make choices because I wanted my home" "My home life is important to me, and actually having enough time to pay attention to a child takes a lot." "Children are--are-- They're--they're tough." "Children are--are-- They're--they're tough." "It's--it's hard, and especially if you're gonna be do--in this business." "Moms, well, they have to, you know, they--they do fewer movies." "They start doing-- They start working less." "They--they fall in love with their children." "It's tricky." "Have I turned down jobs because I have my children?" "Yes, I have." "I couldn't, like, do every red carpet at the expense of helping her with homework." "But in turning down one of those red carpets, you're less exposed a little bit." "You have to--I think you have to be 100% to, you know, totally, like, advance." "Totally, like, advance." "The second year that I was in New York under contract with the negro ensemble company," "I brought my son back with me." "It was tough because, you know, we were just us." "I had him in school in Manhattan, and so I'd have to bring him in early in the morning, and then there'd be a break in rehearsal, I'd pick him up." "And then I'd drop him at the boys club, and then I'd drop him at the boys club, and then I'd pick him up from the boys club," "I'd do the evening show, and then we head back home at 11:30 at night, and then start the whole process again at 7:00 in the morning." "I did a show called home, and it was such a big hit that some producers came in and wanted to move it to Broadway." "A Broadway opening, when the stars of the show show up at sardi's, everybody stands up and applauds them, okay?" "So I walk in, and the place--on their feet." "So I walk in, and the place--on their feet." "They're applauding me, and my son kind of, like, tugged at my dress, my beaded gown, and said, "mommy, you don't need me anymore." "I want to go home."" "And..." "To be at this high, high, high moment and your kid is looking you in your eye and saying, "in this moment, as a seven-year-old, and saying, "in this moment, as a seven-year-old," ""I see something that says you don't need me, you need this."" "So what we decided to do is to allow my son to live with his dad during the school year and to come to me during the summers." "It was and is the toughest decision that I have ever had to make in my life, 'cause it would be different if you were just walking away from your husband." "From your husband." "But when your child is walking away from you, it--it--it's" "It's very odd." "It's a very, very odd feeling." "I made that decision, and I regret it to this day." "That has kept me in this business past the point when I think I should have just stopped because I look at what I gave up to do this, because I look at what I gave up to do this," "and it almost feels like there absolutely has to be a bigger payoff than I've already had to" "To make up for, you know, what my son gave up." "You've won a Tony." "Uh, I won a Tony award." "And yes, that was thrilling because it was validation, because it was validation, but, you know, what we're calling this career has not really" "Has--hasn't fed me." "When my oldest son was just at a pre-adolescent age, he had heard from another friend that I was in a movie called highlander." "There is a love scene, actually a rather modest love scene compared to today's more explicit love scenes, compared to today's more explicit love scenes, but it was one where I was partially nude." "And he was furious with me that I had done this." "He felt that" "Almost that I was a prostitute, and that I had to swear to him that I would never, ever do anything like that again." "Of course, I-- I kind of wanted to wake him up the notion that at this point in time nobody was asking me to take my clothes off, that that was when I was much younger, and so it wouldn't happen again." "And so it wouldn't happen again." "But then I thought, you know, it must be really hard for a child if that old schoolyard taunt of," ""I have naked pictures of your mom,"" "you know, well, literally, his friends could have seen me topless in something." "I had to leave my child a lot just to go to set." "She had to share her mom with the world." "I was, you know, the world's mom." "I left her every day to--to parent five fictitious children." "It was really pretty weird, and I felt very guilty about it." "And I felt very guilty about it." "I think it's easier for a man to go on location when that man has children than it is for a woman to go on location and leave her children." "That's hard." "I was offered a job that I had to go to Tunisia or something, some very bizarre place, and I turned it down, and he said, "it would have been so great if you had taken me tun-- To Tunisia."" "But he was 14." "I didn't think it would just be a good time to pull him out of school to go to Tunisia." "She used to say to me at night, "good night, mommy." "She used to say to me at night, "good night, mommy." "Will you be here in the morning?"" "A show owns you, so the kid never knows if you're gonna be there." "I think God put her at usc for a reason." "She was gonna go back east." "So we're making up now." "I'm always home." "The phone rings, "hi, I'm home." "I am home."" "Having what I have now," "I could never imagine not having my children." "I just think it's-- It's made me a better person in every way possible, and I do think it's made me a much finer actress." "You know, I have friends who don't have children you know, I have friends who don't have children and they're actors, and they can come home, and they can, you know, talk about it, bitch and moan about it and re" "And redo the whole thing, the whole audition or the whole day's work." "I--I got--I got dry cleaning." "I got three lunches to make, dinner to make." "I've got vaginas to wipe, tushies to wipe." "I got 14,000 loads of laundry." "Sometimes we have lice." "Sometimes we have strep throat, Scarlet fever, and bronchitis, like, all" "It's like living in a refugee camp sometimes." "I don't have time, which is kind of a good thing because it gets me completely, you know, off of myself." "Because it gets me completely, you know, off of myself." "For so long, I had all of this and bitched and moaned because I couldn't have another child." "So now I have my three children, which is more than I ever thought that I could ever have." "I mean, that was never on my radar when I was younger, you know?" "I always thought I would be, you know, living in Manhattan in this great penthouse with, you know, tons of, you know," "Jimmy choos and, you know, handbags and boas." "You know, I was gonna be, like, this grand dame of I don't even know what." "But I was just gonna be fantastic." "And now I'm fantastic, but I have a little house in studio city with three kids, but I have a little house in studio city with three kids, a husband, you know, a mortgage, two car payments," "and a cat I'm a little on the fence about." "I guess I chose career over kids, but I also don't think there's a problem." "They would have inherited this nose." "I just want to keep doing this as long as I'm getting away with it." " Yeah." " Yeah." "Because it's more fun than anything, but I always fear" "I am not as good as anyone else in the room," "I am not as good as anyone else in the room, and I'm trying to work on that." "I'm trying to get better that." "That's me too." "I feel like I'm gonna cry now." "And you know what?" "The people that usually break through are invariably idiosyncratic in some way or other." "That the public says" "Not the critics, not the-- Not the network executives, but the public goes." "It's because it represents something that hasn't been seen before and is" "That hasn't been seen before and is" "And is unusual and personal and specific to that individual and therefore universal." "Well, my mother believed that you--you dream big." "You don't know how you gonna get there, but just take one step and don't worry about the next one until it's time to take the next one." "I've been fortunate, and I've learned a lot and had a really good time and made really good money and" "And made wonderful friendships, and I feel so lucky." "And I feel so lucky." "I feel like that would be looking a gift horse in the mouth to think about how unfair it is." "Maybe that's just a given, and you just--you drive to the audition anyway, you know?" "I'm in a incredible position of privilege to be able to get paid to do what I love to do." "But I believe that artists are chosen, 'cause I have better sense than to follow something that I know is gonna have its peaks and its valleys." "As my daughters say, I go, I sit in a trailer," "I get lipstick and donuts, and I get my hair brushed, and you know what?" "And I get my hair brushed, and you know what?" "It's not that far from the truth." "I believe that we're all in this together." "It's one big family." "So I've always made it a point just to be grateful." "I decided to learn how to let the part go, like, at 5:00 or 11:00 or 12:00 at night, when I'm done with my part, it stays there, and I go home." "It's no one big break." "It doesn't happen like that." "It's lots of little breaks." "It's lots of little breaks." "You know, if you want it, just be good and go get it, and stay hot as-- As long as you can." "If you can write, be an actor-writer." "If you can direct, be an actor-director." "Wait a minute." "What--is it Tanya who opens the second act?" "The more of that that you can accrue, the better off you're gonna be because, you know, it's" "There's a democratization that's going on right now in our business, I think, with web-- Webisodes and" "And television and film and the people." "Anybody can do it if you have the capacity and the skill set to do it, if you have the capacity and the skill set to do it, and the more you know about it, the better off you'll be." "Just get a business manager and save your money, you know, and--and know that every good thing is gonna end, and you'll have bad times." "If the place that you're alive is on stage in my case, if that's where you are alive, then you might have a chance to" "To sustain yourself during this." "There's no point in trying to talk a kid out of acting, 'cause they're gonna get beat up if they do it, and they'll figure out if they're gonna stay or not." "And they'll figure out if they're gonna stay or not." "You can't tell someone that they dream of doing something that won't come true." "Just let them go find out if it's gonna come true or not." "You either stick it out or you don't." "One thing that was given to me early," "I was told that I wouldn't be the actress" "I wanted to be until I was 30, and that was a gift." "Give yourself a specific amount of time." "Don't think about it again." "And you'll have doubts and fears in the meantime." "And I gave myself till I was 35." "By the age of 35, I was making a living." "By the age of 35, I was making a living." "You know, I had-- I had climbed over that hump." "Okay, you know what?" "Young actors, listen to this." "One, know your lines." "Two, say hello to people." "When you finish work, hang up your clothes in the trailer because it's a team effort." "Enjoy the journey because there's a lot of ups and downs." "So enjoy all aspects of the journey." "Don't hold out for the high points 'cause you're" "You'll have a miserable time." "You'll have a miserable time." "And have fun, and leave love behind, love and light, and that's it." "And maybe some good work, I hope." "All right, who's" "♪ ♪" "You can't shoot me from under up." " No more?" " No more." "Up, higher." "Come on." "This is what I got to do now." "This is the technique I got to learn." "Yeah." "It's heavy, but it's not" "Yeah." "It's heavy, but it's not-  "bye, son."" " Bye, son." " That's right." " What--what are we doing?" "Should we have a walk around the yard here or something?" " See?" "Doesn't it look better?" " This area over here?" "♪ ♪" "It's my family nose." "I have my dad's nose and my grandfather's nose, and it's my brother's nose, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it." "But I--I did secretly hope that I would fall on my face and" "Or be in a minor car accident so that then I could get a nose job." "So that then I could get a nose job." "♪ ♪" "I bought a house from the residuals from the fugitive, and I still collect residuals 20 years later, which is amazing, to think that, you know, you've got a" "A job that would keep giving like that." "I remember when I got out here though," "I--I did ask my-- My father if things were bad, would he buy me a case of tuna fish, and he agreed he would." "And he agreed he would." "We never got to that point, but I did ask." "♪ ♪" "Hi, Brittany." "Thank you." "You're gonna have to go maybe in the back." "Maybe daddy can set you up with a movie in the back, okay?" "And you cannot come in here unless you're dying or it's on fire." "Oh, back to child's play." "So they go, "okay, when we get back to L.A., we're gonna meet the doll."" "And I'm like, "oh, the horror doll?"" "So they say, "Kevin yagher,"" "and I thought that name sounded" "Kevin yagher, Kevin yagher." "It's his doll." "He's genius." "I thought, he's a lot younger than I am," "I thought, he's a lot younger than I am, but I'm gonna go for it." "And so a lot of going to set with short skirts when I wasn't in the scene." "Like, "Catherine, what are you doing here?" "It's just Kevin and the doll."" "I'm like, "I--I just want to be familiar with the living room."" "And then we're married 23 years now." "We're at rogue machine theatre." "It's on pico boulevard in Los Angeles, and we're setting up for an evening called rant  rave that is for writers." "So tonight we're going to be a packed house, over-packed, so tonight we're going to be a packed house, over-packed, probably breaking all kinds of fire laws, which we do a lot, but shh." "I know, it's like, "did I just fart?"" "Every time, it works." "Psss!"