"DYLAN:" "I guess it began when we were about eight years old." "Right from the start, we both wanted exactly the same thing." "TEACHER:" "Samuel, show the class... where you'd most like to live when you grow up." "SAMUEL:" "I'd like to live in a house... in fields with trees and flowers." "TEACHER:" "Very good." "How about you, Antonia?" "ANTONIA:" "I'd like to live in a big black shoe." "TEACHER:" "Right, like the lady in the nursery rhyme." "I see." "Hmm." "Good." "What about you, Jeremiah?" "Show us where you would like to live when you're grown up." "DYLAN:" "Now, Jez-- that's my business partner-- has always put in that extra 10%." "Where did you get this, Jeremiah?" "I made it." "Are you sure you didn't steal it?" " No." " Who made it, Jeremiah?" "I did." "And I made the lights." "How did you.." "And I made the people." "But how did you" "I used the electric hole." "TEACHER:" "Bullshit." "HEADMISTRESS:" "Now, Dylan..." "for the last time... tell this nice man from the IRS exactly what you were doing... at the Chase Manhattan Bank this afternoon." "I was checking my account." " You're dyslexic." " Yeah, not innumerate." "HEADMISTRESS:" "I know, but you don't have a bank account." "You're not allowed to have a bank account... and you know why that is?" "Because you're eight!" "IRS MAN:" "Let me handle the kid." "This isn't getting us anywhere." "DYLAN:" "Even from an early age, I could handle accountants." "IRS MAN:" "Now, you little brat, we're all gettin' real tired... so why don't you tell me, man to man... what was going on in the bank today?" "I'm saving up for this." "ADULT DYLAN:" "Not the writing." "It's on the other side." "HEADMISTRESS:" "A mansion like this will cost a hundred grand." "IRS MAN:" "Yeah." "And where's an orphan--no offense-- gonna find that kind of money?" "["Me And You Vs." "The World" by Space plays]" "[Singing] I first met you hangin' knickers on the line." "From that moment on..." "I knew that there could only be..." "One outcome, me and you against the world forever." "You have no folks, and I'm just a joke..." "But we made a vow..." "That we would never sell each other out." "A lie detector wouldn't make me doubt you." "Now we know that it's us versus the world now." "Me and you against the world now." "Look up there in the sky now." "See the stars, well, they're shining just for us." "Hey, now, me and you against the world now." "Look up there in the sky now." "See the stars, well, they're shining just for us." "We hitched a ride that would turn out suicide." "I had my .45 replica gun." "I didn't think we'd ever need it." "Didn't know he had a real one loaded." "You went in first, took the worst..." "Couldn't hear me shouting you to stop..." "Above the busy traffic passing by." "We promised that together we would" "Now we know that it's us versus the world now." "Me and you against the world now." "Look up there in the sky now." "See the stars, well, they're shining just for us." "Hey, now, me and you against the world now." "Look up there in the sky now." "See the stars, well, they're shining just for us." "DYLAN:" "Eighteen yea rs later... and my charm and wit had run dry with the great American public." "Lowed a lot of money... to a gang of big guys with hairy shoulders." "It was a choice between losing some of my vital organs... or going to England." "I went to England." "There, I met Jez, and right away..." "I knew he had things I'd never have-- social incompetence and technical wizardry-- so we became a team and together started... a good old-fashioned family business... fleecing rich guys." "Mr. Greenway, do you know why you're here?" "You're here to see technology at its most advanced." "You're here to buy a seventh-generation computer." "A human voice recognition computer." "A computer you can talk to." "A computer that'll talk to you." "Are you at all familiar... with the Cymbelline mainframe computer?" "Mmm." "The Cymbelline can understand just 3,000 common words." "It has to be housed in an air-conditioned cabinet... the size of this table." "Mr. Greenway, this is useless." "It's a scientist's toy." "I'm going to keep things simple for you... like our designers did on our Verbitec VT 88.50..." "Or Johnson, as we like to call it." "Ladies and gentlemen, can you stand up, please?" "Can you come to this side of the desk?" "DYLAN:" "This is Johnson." "It's the first computer to be truly free of a keyboard." "Mr. Greenway, nobody likes to type." "Everybody likes to talk." "You like to talk?" "I like to talk." "You like to talk?" "I like to talk." "Johnson here doesn't just understand 3,000 words... not just 6,000 words-- the common everyday vocabulary of you or me" "Johnson understands 80,024 words." "Johnson here will type, file, word-process... do your accounts-- the only thing you're gonna have to do... is buy your lady's birthday present... although Johnson here will remind you of the date... and also if she's not your wife." "[Greenway chuckles]" "DYLAN:" "Am I giving away secrets here?" "Enough of this chitter-chatter." "Let's see this baby work." "[Remote beeping]" "Johnson, good afternoon." "[Computer voice speaks]" "How are you today?" "It's great, huh?" "Johnson" "You want to try this out?" "Here." "Come here." "I'm gonna introduce you to Johnson." "Johnson, key..." "[Beeps]" "Introducing Greenway." "We need a little voice recognition sequence." "Try "I'm A Little Teapot."" "GREENWAY:" "What?" "DYLAN:" "The nursery rhyme "I'm A Little Teapot."" "It contains all the vowel sounds Johnson needs." "Oh, right." "Um..." "I'm a little teapot." "DYLAN:" "Short and stout." "GREENWAY:" "Short and stout." "DYLAN:" "Where's your handle?" "GREENWAY:" "Here's my handle." "DYLAN:" "And?" "GREENWAY:" "Here's my spout." "GREENWAY:" "That is remarkable." "It is incredible." "I'm interested." "DYLAN:" "Good." "Good." "Eh--Oh, God." "Look, we've run over." "I gotta call you in a couple of months." "GREENWAY:" "No, no, no." "I really am interested." "DYLAN:" "Don't get me wrong." "I think that's good." "There's another group coming in, and I've got to set up." "We might want eight." "Right." "Um..." "Look." "OK." "Here's the thing." "This next company, if this works out... they're gonna want this month's entire delivery." "Twelve." "We want twelve." "Now." "They're gonna hate me for this." "OK, here's the deal." "If you can give me a 10% deposit now..." "I think I can hold them for you." "Skippings, the checkbook." "GREENWAY:" "It's a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Wolford." "We did it!" "Ooh!" "Bastard!" "DYLAN:" "Jez!" "What is this?" " You are really" " You!" "DYLAN:" "A genius!" "Whoo!" "[Celebrating]" "DYLAN:" "Fantastic finger work, um..." "GEORGIE:" "Georgie." "Thanks." "I can't tell you what that means to me." "DYLAN:" "You can take five." "This is going so well." "Listen, before we carry on, can I ask you something?" "You are sure this is all aboveboard, aren't you?" "DYLAN:" "There's nothing for you to worry about." "This is all completely as it looks." "Or did I not explain this properly to you before?" "No, you didn't, actually." "Oh, well, my mistake." "Um..." "OK." "Uh... what we're doing is..." "I gotta go." "DYLAN:" "I will talk to you later, I promise." "Dylan, sixth generation computer, not seventh." "Right." "Georgie, Georgie, Georgie." "We are good guys, I promise." "You have to trust me, OK?" "OK." " OK?" " OK." "OK." "No, never trust a man with woman's hips." "[Singing] Jesus, I'm freakin'." "I've had such a weekend." "I think I must be turnin' to God..." "You... know why we're here." "You're here to buy a seventh-- sixth--heh heh-- generation computer." "You're here to witness the birth of the sixth..." "This computer stinks." "And it sucks." "I hate this computer." "Come on over here." "Can I introduce you to my Johnson" "Uh, to Johnson?" " Nice tie." " Thanks." "That's just a joke." "It can't really see." "Do you know how many words this understands?" "Take a guess." "Just take a guess." "Eighty-thousand and forty-eight words." "MAN:" "Good grief." "2,800,648 words." "14,800,064 words." "And the infinity sign." "Can you do the nursery rhyme "I'm A Little Teapot?"" "MAN:" "No, I can't." " Is that a real beard?" " Yeah, it is." " It is?" " Yeah." "WOMAN:" "Here's my handle, and here's my spout." "MAN:" "That's my handle here." "This is my spout." "DYLAN:" "All right." "When you lift me up, you pour me out." "I'm leaving." "I want my money." "What?" "Look, I'm sorry." "But your advert." ""No job is too big, too small, too difficult."" "GEORGIE:" "Give me that card a second." "Nope." "Can't find "No job too dodgy."" "MRS. ROSS:" "Hello." "JEZ:" "Please, I'm begging you!" "I don't mean to be rude, but you're con men, aren't you?" "Can I come in?" " In many ways" " What?" " No!" " Pardon?" " No." " What are you, then?" "We're Nineties Robin Hoods." "It's just I was expecting to-- Where is your team?" "It's probably much easier if you just talk to me, isn't it?" "Yes, of course it is." "Do you want to come in and have a seat?" "JEZ:" "All the money's going to the poor people." "Scout's honor." "GEORGIE:" "It's all right." "Get up." "DYLAN:" "Mrs. Ross, do you know why you're here?" "You're here to see technology at its most advanced." "You're here to buy" "ROSS:" "Mr. Wolford, cut the hard sell." "If the machine works, I'll buy it." "I'll buy your company." "Absolutely, Mrs. Ross." "Do you want to stand and come to this side of the table?" "DYLAN:" "Where's your handle?" "ROSS:" "Here's my handle, and here's my spout." "JEZ:" "Spout." "JEZ:" "Thank you, Ross." "ROSS:" "Incredible." "What's the platform?" "DYLAN:" "The, uh--the platform..." "Our--our engineer is due back from the factory... just about now, actually, so I'm gonna have you ask him." "[Muffled]" "ROSS:" "If I could just see it." "This is Verbitec--otherwise known as Mr. Pinkworth." "He's a little strange." "Mr. Pinkworth, Mrs. Ross wanted to see the platform." "I've got to make a few calls." "Why don't you two talk?" "So?" "What's the platform, Mr. Pinkworth?" "What's the platform, Mr. Pinkworth?" "Unix." "Actually, it's a beta version of Unix NT." "Advanced OS." "Can it make format view files?" "Uh... yes." "Yes, it can." "Mm-hmm." "DYLAN:" "Format View file-- Uh, what is this?" "How do you spend the money?" "Key, setup format view file." "DYLAN, AS COMPUTER:" "I'd love to." "Hold, please." "Oh, Jez." "Don't freeze up on me, Jez." "What do you spend it on?" "Fast cars?" "Women?" " Do not" " Sun beds?" "Recognize format view file." "Searching data banks for possible match." "Georgie, please, you have to help me." "I am alphabetically illiterate." "I don't even know why I'm looking at this." " What do you spend it on?" " Orphans." " Orphans?" " An orphans housing project." "You know, those poor people without families?" "Come on." "Give it to me." "DYLAN, AS COMPUTER:" "Closest match--view format file." "Match correct?" "ROSS:" "Amazing." "Can I have a look inside?" "I'd be really interested in the circuit layout." "Jez, bullshit her." " What?" " What?" "Bullshit her." "You told me the thing would work in theory." "It does work in theory." "What do you mean "in theory"?" "In theory, it's always worked." "In theory, it's always worked." "But now it's here in practice." "But now it's here in practice." "Working." "Working." "Draw her a diagram." "Draw" "Let me just draw you a diagram." "JEZ:" "There's a series of Nan gates controlled by pin six." "ROSS:" "It would be much easier if I could just see it." "[Ross talking]" "Dylan, are you feeling all right?" "I'm--I'm cool." "Jez has the problem with pressure, not me." "ROSS:" "I'm going to open it myself." "DYLAN:" "Oh, God!" "GEORGIE:" "Here." "Breathe into this steadily." "I've really got to go." "DYLAN:" "Please don't go." "Please" "Please don't go." "Anyone own a red Audi?" "License P304-RGF?" "ROSS:" "Yes, me." "It's about to get clamped." "Whoo!" "JEZ:" "That was amazing, Georgie." "GEORGIE:" "Could I have my check now?" "DYLAN:" "Have I asked you this before?" "Have you done some modeling?" "GEORGIE:" "Yes, you have, actually." "DYLAN:" "Can you believe it back there?" "We shot some fish." " Fat fish." " With money to burn." "It was like they wanted to give us their cash." "JEZ:" "When I said the CPU had a built-in 64-bit AST converter... she didn't even blink." "DYLAN:" "Wow." "We are so close." "JEZ:" "I know." "DYLAN:" "One more, and I think we're there." "Good afternoon, sir." "I'd like to clear these checks and close the Verbitec account." "I'm going to be back on Tuesday." "Could you have the money ready for me then?" "In fifties?" "WOMAN:" "In fifties?" "DYLAN:" "Cash." "Fifties." "JEZ:" "Hi." "GEORGIE:" "Um..." "DYLAN:" "All right. 25 bucks." "GEORGIE:" "No. £60." "All right, 30 quiddos now and 30 more on Friday." "Payday." "This is quite normal for secretarial work." "It's funny, but normal wasn't a word that sprung to mind... during the course of my employment with you." "Maybe I should ask those nice people at Verbitec... if they thought it was normal." "That kind of attitude is so uncharitable." "Did Live Aid mean nothing?" "TERRY:" "Get the computer!" "Come on!" "GEORGIE:" "Hey!" "DYLAN:" "Hey!" "Hey!" "DYLAN:" "What are you doing?" "!" "GEORGIE:" "My notes!" "My notes!" "[Reading license plate]" "[Raining]" "GEORGIE:" "I don't believe this." "DYLAN:" "Oh, God." "They've ruined your typing." "GEORGIE:" "And they've got my keys." "DYLAN:" "Don't worry about this." "We'll sort out the notes." "Why don't you come back with us, make a call about your keys... and we'll make you a nice cup of tea?" "And we'll make you a nice cup of tea?" "[Singing] Who lives in a house like this?" "Who lives in a house like this?" "In number 69 there lives a transvestite." "He's a man by day, but he's a woman at night." "There's a man in number four..." "Who swears he's Saddam Hussein." "Says he's on a chore to start a third world war." "Oh, if you find the time..." "Please come and stay a while..." "In my beautiful neighborhood." "In 110, they haven't paid the rent..." "So there goes the TV with the repo men." "In 999, they make a living from crime..." "JEZ:" "Excuse the smell." "It's, um..." "GEORGIE:" "Gas?" "JEZ:" "That's right." "GEORGIE:" "Do you have your own peddle, then?" "JEZ:" "No." "The water-- it's used in the gas." "We use it to seal in the gas." "GEORGIE:" "Oh, God." "It's amazing." "DYLAN:" "Thanks." "We sort of think of it as post, uh, apocalyptic." "[Scratchy record plays]" "["What The World Needs Now" plays]" "[Singing] What the world..." " Tea or coffee?" " Coffee, thanks." "[Singing] Love, sweet love." "It's the only thing..." "That there's just too little of." "What the world needs now..." "Is love, sweet love." "No, not just for some..." "But for everyone." "Lord, we don't need another mountain." "There are mountains and hillsides..." "Enough to climb." "There are oceans and rivers..." "JEZ:" "Do you want to sit down?" "GEORGIE:" "Thanks." "[Singing] Enough to last..." "DYLAN:" "Hi." "DVLC?" "Hi." "I'm just calling to, um" "The Zimmer frame is in the corner, honey." "Hi." "Sorry about that." "I'm expecting the registration documents for my van." "Yeah, it's A-T05-OF." "Hold the walker steady, darling." "There you go." "That's great." "Sorry about that." "Can you tell me if you sent it to my old or my new address?" "Can you tell me if you sent it to my old or my new address?" "Yeah. [Snapping fingers]" "DYLAN: 154 Stanley Grove, S.W. 19." "Yeah, that's right." "Thank you." "Is that the West End Theater?" "Yes, you can." "I want to talk to the manager, please." "Non-dairy cream in your coffee?" "Non-dairy?" "No cows." "Stays fresh." "Um, no." "Black's fine." "Thanks." "DYLAN:" "Yes, you can." "I booked four tickets for Mr. Andrew Lloyd Webber's..." "JEZ:" "How about a Bourbon biscuit?" "No." "Best not." "Trying to keep off them." "DYLAN:" "And there was no record of our booking." "As a result... we had to stand in the rain for 45 minutes, which" "No, I am not done!" "My youngest, Jessica, caught a throat infection." "Her glands are now dangerously high... and she is a goddamned asthmatic!" "What do you intend to do about that?" "!" "No, I will not go on hold!" "Four complimentary tickets for Saturday night." "OK, sure." "Two in the stalls, two in the boxes." "Yeah." "Ricky Lee Hasselhoff." "Umlaut on the "0."" "Jez, Jez, Jez." "Show her that Van der Graaf thingy." "JEZ:" "Would you like to see?" "GEORGIE:" "Let me at it." "DYLAN:" "Operator?" "The crackle is still on the line." "Can you hear it?" "I'd like a refund for the last two calls I made." "JEZ:" "Could you pass me the strip light?" "DYLAN:" "Yes, of course I'll confirm that in writing." "Is it free post?" "[Electricity crackles]" "GEORGIE:" "Ah!" "Ha ha!" "JEZ:" "This is how it works." "The static electricity activates particles in the tube... causing molecular friction, and it lights up." "GEORGIE:" "Wow." "JEZ:" "And--if you'll take..." "GEORGIE:" "Oh." "JEZ:" "If we make a connection, the static will travel through." "GEORGIE:" "Hee hee!" "That's wonderful." "Oh, look." "Ha ha." "DYLAN:" "What are we doing?" "Oh!" "Neat." "Would you allow me the pleasure of taking you... to the theater on Saturday night?" "GEORGIE:" "Do you ask all your secretaries... to go to the theater on their first day?" "DYLAN:" "Actually, it's something of a tradition." "GEORGIE:" "Who am I to deprive an American... of what little tradition he can get?" "I'd love to come." "GEORGIE:" "Listen, thank you very much." "Hello." "It's me." "About the rest of my money..." " I'll have it at the theater." " Better, or it's curtains." "Bye.bye." "JEZ:" "Bye." "GEORGIE:" "Bye." "DYLAN:" "That is a thing of beauty." "JEZ:" "Who you're flirting with." "DYLAN:" "Have you fallen?" "JEZ:" "No, I haven't." "DYLAN:" "You got a little bit of a crush?" " You're wasting your time." " I know." "You're good-looking, and I'm too technical." "DYLAN:" "You've got to stop punishing yourself." "You're not too technical, just ugly--gross ugly." "JEZ:" "But why do I have to talk about diodes... resistors, parallel interface?" "I mean, I can see them start to drift off... begging me to stop." "I try and be like I am with you, but" "DYLAN:" "You gotta relax." "You're too nervous." "Don't think Virgin Madonna." "Think Madonna Madonna." "[TV playing, computer beeping]" "[Engine starts]" "Oh, shit!" "It's a gearshift." "Well..." "MAN:" "Ah." "Just there." "That's fine." "I know it's been a long day... and it's very late, but you must remember, students... that without a thorough grounding in anatomy... no future doctor can hope to have... any knowledge of the parts of the body... or to be able to..." "FLOSS:" "This arrived after you left." "GEORGIE:" "I'm sorry." "Could you open it?" "GEORGIE:" "It's from Roger." ""Darling Georgie, the deeds are completed at last." ""I'm buying the foundation..." ""so the staff, the patients, and your brother are safe." ""My gift to you in the merry month of September..." ""on our wedding day."" "The foundation isn't going to the tax man!" "FLOSS:" "I know!" "[Both squealing]" "GEORGIE:" "Sorry." "FLOSS:" "I rang Robin." "He was really excited." "GEORGIE:" "You read the telegram?" "FLOSS:" "Of course." "For Christ sake, you're my sister." "I was just really looking forward to us doing that." "You know, letting Robin know it's all right." "Oh, shit." "That was bad, wasn't it?" "I'm sorry." "Georgie, are you OK about this?" "Yeah." "No, Roger's lovely." "He's handsome..." "generous... punctual." "And punctuality is important." "Yes, it is." "Robin and I are going to be living with you in the house." "Yeah, you better had be." "[Rain and thunder]" "DYLAN:" "You'll be shocked by what's to try on... when you shop at World of Nylon." "Is that good?" "JEZ:" "Yes, yes, yes." "Yes, fine." "That's good." "Uh-uh-uh-uh." "One more." "OK." "How about this one?" ""In not more than eight words..." ""explain why you buy Zappy Nappies."" "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids..." "Shit." "I've run out of words." "We could try just that." "What, I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids?" "Shit." "[Dylan laughing]" "I've got it!" "Weighs less than a bun, holds more than a ton." "Completely disgusting." "But it's honest." "DYLAN:" "And honesty gets you..." "JEZ:" "A year's free supply of Zappy Nappies." "What do we want with a year's supply of diapers?" "In one of those baby care CD-ROMS... it says a baby relieves himself eight point two times a day." "Eight point two?" "That means he gets his nappy changed... once every three hours to avoid chapping." "Isn't that a little rash?" "Which is 2,920 nappies a year." "A pack of 50 costs, what, eight pounds?" "JEZ:" "Four-hundred and sixty-seven pounds, twenty." "We sell them half-price to Gary, who'll collect." "And we make...£235." "[Jez groans]" "DYLAN:" "Come on." "Get up." "We gotta go out." "Out." "[Singing] We go..." "To places..." "Where everything feels amazing." "No need to pretend." "We know we're good friends..." "DYLAN:" "Start up." "[Electricity crackles]" "[Engine starts]" "DYLAN:" "Oh!" "GEORGIE:" "Sorry." "Hi." "My notes, I left them in your car." "DYLAN:" "You look tired." "GEORGIE:" "I am." "I'm exhausted." "I didn't get any sleep last night." "I didn't get any sleep last night." "I'll get your notes." "GEORGIE:" "Thanks." "[Van door slams]" "GEORGIE:" "So, nice van." "DYLAN:" "Oh, um, yesterday, with that paper bag... how did you know that?" "You, what, you hit first aid in high school or" "GEORGIE:" "No." "Medical school." "DYLAN:" "Oh, right." "The notes." "You're a typist in medical school." "GEORGIE:" "No." "I'm training to be a doctor." "DYLAN:" "You're--Oh, wow." "A doctor." "Wow." "With secretarial skills." "Hey, Jez, did--Doctor." "DYLAN:" "Doctor." " Your notes." " Thank you." "GEORGIE:" "Oh, Jez, I meant to ask you yesterday... what was the name of the orphanage you donate to?" "JEZ:" "It's, um..." "DYLAN:" "We give, but we really don't like to talk about it." "We're very much like Phil Collins in that respect." "GEORGIE:" "I can see why you don't like to talk about it." "DYLAN:" "We'll see you Saturday?" "GEORGIE:" "See you Saturday." "[Van door slams]" "DYLAN:" "Hey, what are you doing today?" "GEORGIE:" "I have to study." "DYLAN:" "Would you allow us the pleasure of... feeding you breakfast first?" "GEORGIE:" "Yeah, I guess you owe me one." "JEZ:" "What are we doing here?" "DYLAN:" "Insulation." "JEZ:" "Insulation?" "DYLAN:" "Insulation." "DYLAN:" "Third prize in the DIY competition." "JEZ:" "Insulation?" "I can see it now." "She's a stunningly attractive woman." "It means she's relaxed in our company." "DYLAN:" "If she relaxes any more, it could get very messy." "Don't." "She might hear you." "Jez, look at her." "She's wrecked." "God only knows what she was up to last night." "You're twisted." "She's got charm and warmth and" "And neat little sit-up breasts." "[Jez humming]" "DYLAN:" "Right." "Cranworth Crescent." "JEZ:" "It's hardly a crescent, is it?" "All right." "Number 57." "What is this?" "James Stratton-Luce." "[Doorbell rings]" "Hello." "Can I help you?" "DYLAN: [Bad Scottish accent] Hello, Mrs..." "Stratton-Luce." "What do you want?" "DYLAN:" "James asked us to come round... and slot insulation for your lovely new abode." "MRS. STRATTON-LUCE:" "Did he?" "DYLAN:" "Yes, he did." "Hundred pound down payment for today." "Right." "Well, you'd better come in." "DYLAN:" "He did leave you the £50 balance?" "No, he didn't." "DYLAN:" "Oh, right." "Well, we could come back" "Could we come back later this week?" "JEZ:" "Yes, but lose the down payment." "DYLAN:" "You'll lose your down payment." "MRS. STRATTON-LUCE:" "I'll scrape something together." "DYLAN:" "Great." "Thwartman, let's get the hardware in." "JEZ:" "Thwartman?" "JEZ:" "That's the worst English Accent." "JEZ:" "Why are we insulating this woman's loft?" "DYLAN:" "Trust me." "DYLAN:" "Mrs. Stratton-Luce!" "JEZ:" "We've just laid the insulation... we won from All In One DIY." "We made less than we could've from flogging the stuff." "Is this public relations?" "MRS. STRATTON-LUCE:" "Is there a problem?" "DYLAN:" "Not at all, Mrs. Stratton-Luce." "The job, as you can see, is complete." "MRS. STRATTON-LUCE:" "Hmm." "DYLAN:" "Thank you." "Regards to James." "JEZ:" "I'm not doing another one." "DYLAN:" "Uh-huh." "JEZ:" "We don't have enough." "DYLAN:" "Trustingness is next to godliness." "BOTH:" "Lofttec." "JEZ:" "I can't believe we're doing this." "I mean, we earned a small fortune yesterday." "We only need one more grand." "Dylan?" "DYLAN: [Singing] Jez." "JEZ:" "Dylan." "DYLAN:" "Look behind you." "Brilliant." "[Singing] Jesus, I'm freakin'..." "I've had such a weekend..." "I think I must be turnin' to gold..." "DYLAN:" "Mr. Marcus Black." "Mrs. Rumbalow-Pierce?" "Mrs. Pat MacGroyne." "JEZ:" "Sil's dead?" "DYLAN:" "Dead." "Right." "DYLAN:" "Mrs. Cum m ins." "Robert asked us to come around and slot in some insulation." "Oh." "I wonder where he got the money for that?" "How much is it?" "DYLAN:" "Fifty pounds." "Well, I know Robert thought we needed insulation... but I'm surprised he thinks we can afford it." "I'll see if I can find £50." "JEZ:" "Thin fish." "Mrs. Cummins, why don't we come back another day?" "DYLAN:" "We might be running a special in a few weeks' time." "Oh, thank you." "I think that would be better." "MRS. CUMMINS:" "Bye." "[Honks horn]" "Penis." "Why didn't I see you bringing the insulation in?" "DYLAN:" "Insulation... without the aggravation." "DYLAN:" "That's our motto." "Well, I hope you're going to tidy up this mess." "DYLAN:" "Give us 10 minutes." " She doesn't want a mess." " I think we can help." "JEZ:" "Have you got glass fiber in between your bum cheeks?" "STRATTON-LUCE:" "There's nothing here now." "MRS. STRATTON-LUCE:" "But they said you'd ordered it." "They may have gone next door." "STRATTON-LUCE:" "Were they foreign?" "MRS. STRATTON-LUCE:" "I think one of them was Australian." "STRATTON-LUCE:" "Have you checked your loft?" "JEZ:" "Mr. and Mrs. Cummins, may all your winters be warmer." "DYLAN:" "Insulation today." "WOMAN:" "Hello, young men?" "Is there a problem?" "DYLAN:" "Not at all, Mrs. Furnival-Jones." "And have you tidied up?" "DYLAN:" "Yeah." "We were coming down." "MRS. FURNIVAL-JONES:" "Thirty-five... forty..." "DYLAN:" "You don't have any £50 notes by any chance?" "I find these smallish bills so easy to spend." "You've done such lovely things with your abode." "JEZ: [Softly] Run." "Run!" "DYLAN:" "That's all right." "We forgot something." "Thwartman?" "[Doorbell rings]" "Oh!" "STRATTON-LUCE:" "Are those workmen still here?" "MRS. FURNIVAL-JONES:" "They're upstairs." "WOMAN:" "Aah!" "MAN:" "Oi!" "There they are!" "STRATTON-LUCE:" "Where?" "JEZ:" "Where's the keys?" "DYLAN:" "I gave them to you." "JEZ:" "We stole the van!" "BOTH:" "Georgie!" "Georgie, start the van!" "DYLAN:" "Jez, get inside!" "JEZ:" "Dylan!" "STRATTON-LUCE:" "You little bastards!" "[Tires screech]" "[Organizers beeping]" "DYLAN:" "I love revenge." "[Horn plays "La Cucaracha"]" "TERRY: "Dear van owner, I was rushing back..." ""to an ailing relative when my car broke down..." ""and not wishing to be delayed, I took your van." ""I have now returned the van with a full tank of petrol..." ""and two theater tickets..." ""to Andrew Lloyd Webber's exciting new musical..."" "WOMAN:" "Let's have a look." "TERRY: "which I hope will go some way to righting my wrong."" "GEORGIE:" "You two are risk takers who thrive on danger." "DYLAN:" "Absolutely." "GEORGIE:" "There's one thing I can't figure out." "You spend lots of time with a complicated computer scam." "And that pays you what, say, 50 grand?" "DYLAN:" "More or less." "GEORGIE:" "Then you work just as hard for £800." "DYLAN: 950 to be exact." "GEORGIE:" "You get free tea and coffee... and sneak back the cost of your phone calls." " That's very perceptive." " Why?" "DYLAN:" "We're raising money for this orphans project." "When the checks clear, we'll have the necessary funds." "GEORGIE:" "This is scary." "I'm starting to believe you." "JEZ:" "Dylan!" "[Dylan laughs]" "DYLAN:" "That's great, Jez." "That's what we need." "GEORGIE:" "Are you really giving to an orphans housing project?" "JEZ:" "The orphans?" "Yeah, we really are." "Do you two ever spend any money at all?" "DYLAN:" "In the last three years, we've spent..." " £2,337." " And sixpence." "DYLAN:" "Factory seconds." "Oh, hey." "JEZ:" "Oh, beauty." "DYLAN:" "He's got an "A" in the psychology of electronics." "The psychology of electronics?" "What's that?" "JEZ:" "It means I can't get a job." "GEORGIE:" "What've you got besides herpes?" "DYLAN:" "[Laughs] I've got dyslexia." "It means I can't get a job, either." " Dylan." " No." "No more." "Can you fix toasters?" "DYLAN:" "No, but he can tell you how they were feeling... when they decided to break down." " What's the problem with it?" " The bread won't turn to toast." "I'd have to see it." "I didn't mean you to come fix my toaster." "DYLAN:" "No, he could come by." "He'll take a look at it." " Really?" " Of course." " Tomorrow before lunch?" " Yeah." "Thanks." "God, am I tired." "Pediatric Anesthesia." "I can't bear it." "[Doorbell rings]" "Hi." "I said I'd come." "Your toaster." "Oh, yeah." "I'm sorry." "Come in, come in." " Have you just got up?" " No." "I just got in." "I'm sure he'll pull through now." "GEORGIE:" "Go in." "JEZ:" "Nice place." "GEORGIE:" "It's not ours." "My sister and I are borrowing it from a friend." "JEZ:" "Is this your sister?" "GEORGIE:" "Yeah, and little brother." "Right." "It doesn't pop out, or it won't stay down." "JEZ:" "I'm not promising anything." "It's usually a triresistal malfunction... with the thermostatic control." "GEORGIE:" "As simple as that?" "Sorry." "I'm getting technical." "It's all right." "I'm only joking." "Sit down." "JEZ:" "Dylan says I must never forget the pain... my scientific knowledge can cause other people." "Dylan says that to you?" "Well, technically, he's right." "You two have a bizarre relationship." " How did you meet?" " Do you really want to know?" "Why, is it technical?" "I turned up for a day's work-- ages ago now-- it was about five years-- replying to an advert... which asked for anti-corrosion specialists." "I turned up, and there he was--Dylan." "We were asked by the foreman... to paint over every spot of rust with a red lead mixture." "My heart sank." "Those things are huge." "And, you see, the great big streaks of rust were OK... but every little pinprick had to be dabbed." "It was gonna take weeks." "So, Dylan worked out... that as long as we cover the big stuff... and the man sees little dobs of paint everywhere else... we're gonna get paid." "[Singing] When lam sad and weepy..." "When all my hope is gone..." "And I can't put my finger..." "On the time things first went wrong." "I have a little secret..." "I like to tell myself..." "And until now I haven't told anybody else." "You may not see things my way..." "[Giggling]" "FLOSS:" "Am I disturbing something?" "GEORGIE:" "No, nothing." "This is Jez." "Jez, this is Floss, my sister." "JEZ:" "It's a very interesting model." "The Morph-Richards TUID-three." "Your toaster?" "The Morph-Richards TUID-three." "Your toaster?" "FLOSS:" "Yes." "A lot of people have told us that." "I better be off." "Free lunch." " Bye, Georgie, Jez." " Bye-bye." "GEORGIE:" "Would you excuse me?" "I have to get changed." " Sure." " Thanks." "JEZ:" "Hello?" "I've finished." "JEZ:" "My God, you look..." "GEORGIE:" "Did you get it working?" "JEZ:" "What?" "GEORGIE:" "The Morphy... um, the toaster." " I should go." " Yeah, me, too." "GEORGIE:" "Thanks, Jez." "You're wonderful." "Bye." "[Singing] If I could catch a star..." "Before it touched the ground..." "I'd place it in a box..." "JEZ:" "I'm sorry." "I didn't realize you were this lonely." "I missed the signs." "What are these?" "DYLAN: [Laughing] Never a wrinkle, never a crease." "Make it thin, or make it obese." "BOTH:" "Blenson's pack-away mannequins!" "JEZ:" "And so useful." "These are mannequins?" "DYLAN:" "I guess someone lost their girlie store license." "Lucky for us..." "they're nice girls." "[Singing] ...With you by my side." "How fast the shadows fade." "And there is hope inside my heart..." "JEZ:" "I'd rather do her." "[Singing] For I have something wonderful to live for." "The world's a better place with you to turn to." "I'm a better man for having loved you..." "See you home at 11:00." "Yeah, maybe." "Are you gonna try it on with Georgie?" ""Try it on"?" "Your slang baffles me." "Look, 11:00, please?" "Please, please?" "P.A.:" "Dogs:" "The Musical will be starting in three minutes." " Here's your 30 bucks." " Thank you." " Won't you have a program?" " No." "GEORGIE:" "Can I ask you how long you've been in England?" "DYLAN:" "Sure, babe." " How long have you been here?" " Five years." "GEORGIE:" "And you still say "bucks" and "babe"?" "DYLAN: [Chuckles] It's sad, isn't it?" "Jez, they're here." "OK." "I'll see you at 11:00." "[Rock 'n' roll plays]" ""Dear van .." "Oh, laptop..." "We missed you." "[Orchestra playing]" "ACTORS: [Howling] Arf!" "Arf!" "[Howling]" "Arf!" "Arf!" "WOMAN:" "What are you doing?" "Phone now?" "[Howling]" " Is that Geoff?" " Yeah." "Hello, Terry." "TERRY:" "Just make sure it's not the old theater trick." "GEOFF:" "All right." "Catch you later." "[Whistles] Come on." "Recording." "Stop." "Rewind." "[Beep beep beep]" "Hello, International Operator?" "Could you put me through... to the talking clock in..." "Sao Paolo?" "Mm-hmm." "Thank you." "Go on." "In." "Hello, mate." "[Shouting and barking]" "GEOFF:" "I've got you now, boy!" "I've got you now!" "[Beep]" "[Whoosh]" "All praise to my quick-release trousers." "Ugghh!" "WOMAN:" "They were lovely." "When those puppies went, "Oh, oh, oh!"" "Oh, it made me cry." "[Police radio chatter]" "WOMAN:" "What's going on?" "GEORGIE:" "I'm just not that keen on nightclubs." "DYLAN:" "Don't be a Jez." "It'll be fun." "GEORGIE:" "I'm not dressed right, and I hate loud music." "DYLAN:" "You're troubled, and this'll make you feel better." "GEORGIE:" "What makes you think I'm troubled?" "DYLAN:" "I'm emotionally sensitive." "GEORGIE:" "You're the least sensitive person I've ever met." "DYLAN:" "Hey." "This is Georgie." "DOORMAN:" "Nice to meet you." "TERRY:" "What insulation?" "Listen, I'm the one who's been burgled here." "Sir, so far, the only proof of a burglary... is that somebody stopped your videotaping Blind Date." " Bastards!" " Oh, shut it." "DETECTIVE:" "Oh, yes... and these." "Look, I haven't done anything wrong." "Look, I haven't done anything wrong." "JEZ:" "You're gonna sleep with her, aren't you?" "You're gonna romance her at the club... and then sleep with her." "[Singing along with record] You know, most men..." "Only look for the surface thing in a woman." "And when it comes to you..." "I find that it's more than just looks and things." "What you do have to offer, baby." "Yeah, but it's more than that." "I need you so deep, baby." "You're my..." "DYLAN:" "I want to..." "pleasure you with my tongue." " Hello." " Hi." " This is a surprise." " Yeah, isn't it?" "GEORGIE:" "What are you doing here?" "Scouts tonight?" "JEZ:" "No." "I was just passing." "JEZ:" "You--you OK?" "GEORGIE:" "Yeah." "JEZ:" "Did he try to pleasure you with his tongue?" "GEORGIE:" "Is it that obvious?" "JEZ:" "It's a kind of compulsion with him." "He has to exchange fluids with everyone he meets." "That's why we never have pets." "JEZ:" "Do you like nightclubs?" " No, I hate them." " Me, too." "JEZ:" "The sound pressure level of the high frequency... can really damage your cochlea." "GEORGIE:" "Jez, you don't have to be nervous with me." "GEORGIE:" "Oh, it's beautiful up here." "Not many people have a pond on their roof." "JEZ:" "No one ever comes up here apart from me." " Why?" " I don't know." "What's the matter?" "Oh, nothing." "Fleas?" "JEZ:" "No, heh." "We got a bulk shipment of these t-shirts... a while back from a multi-entry competition." ""Give your cat Glitz." "It's like dining at the Ritz."" " And it hurts you?" " The label's scratchy." "Oh, well, I'll have a look." " No?" " No." "GEORGIE:" "I think you're gonna need scissors." "Scissors." "Be prepared." "There you go." "Um..." "I should go." "Yeah." "JEZ:" "Your bag." "GEORGIE:" "Thanks." "It's a really lovely place." "Really special." "Bye." "[Track announcer calling race]" "ROGER:" "Run, my beauty, run!" "ANNOUNCER:" "Vacuum Pack is bringing up the rear." "Out front as they go for the line... it's Marty's Choice, followed home by Ski-N-Do... then Baby Mine third..." "The favorite, Vacuum Pack, is a distant last." "GEORGIE:" "How is Vacuum Pack doing at the moment?" "ROGER:" "He's the best horse in the field." "No, it's, um-- it's tactical racing, darling." "Every time he loses, his odds improve." "If he wins the Challenge Cup... his sperm will be worth 200,000 a throw." "GEORGIE:" "A spurt?" "ROGER:" "Uh... yeah, exactly." "It'll all be yours when we're married." "GEORGIE:" "Oh, how romantic." "Horse sperm is forever." "ROGER:" "You just don't deserve me." "GEORGIE:" "You're right." "ROGER:" "God, I adore you." "What are you doing for the rest of your life?" "MR. GILZEAN:" "I always like what you do." "It's lovely, but I'd like to see it smaller." "I'd like to see it smoother, and I'd like to see it working." "Good-bye." "Next?" "So, come on... impress me." "DYLAN:" "Mr. Gilzean, clear your head of all the detritus... all the flotsam and jetsam of the day, if you will... and allow me to introduce you... to the future of mobile lighting." "The Krypton Hand-0-Lite is a lighting device... the like of which you have not seen before." "Treasure this moment, sir... for you will recall it to your children... and to your children's children." "Mr. Peewit, the Krypton Hand-0-Lite, please." "[Click]" "Huh?" "Huh?" "GILZEAN:" "That... is amazing." "DYLAN:" "You want to try it?" "Just grasp it in either hand, give it a squeeze... and let a little light into your life." "Ohh..." "[Laughter]" "GILZEAN:" "Oh... oh..." "Jenny!" "Jenny!" "Marcus!" "Come in here, please." "I've something to show you." "Jenny, Jenny, Jenny..." "Hold this." "Huh?" "Marcus!" "Come here." "Marcus... try this." "Mr. Peewit, please." "Are you OK?" "Ha ha ha!" "How much for 1,000 of these?" "Uh...£5,000." "OK, you've got a deal." "Come and see me again in two days." "Right." "Put it there." "[Laughing]" "[Softly] That wasn't so hard, was it?" "CLERK:" "Thank you, sir." "JEZ:" "Thanks." "COLLYNS:" "Bye-bye, then." "Take some biscuits with you." "GEORGIE:" "I have enough for now." "Thank you very much, indeed." "Bye.bye." " Jez." " Georgie!" "GEORGIE:" "Just rob the bank?" "Look, I'm sorry about the other night on the roof." "JEZ: it's OK." "GILZEAN:" "Take this to the finance director." "Let's do business." "DYLAN:" "All right." "Pleasure, sir." "DYLAN:" "Sorry to rush through your deposit... but cash flow is always a" "[Train passes noisily]" "Problem during expansion." "That's not the problem, Mr. Deanus." "I've got the check right here." "I'll just sign it for you." "There we are." "Thank you very much." "[Electronic beeping]" " What are these?" " The coffers." "GEORGIE:" "Why don't you keep it in the bank?" "JEZ:" "Help the rich get richer?" "No." "Anyway, it's not safe there." "GEORGIE:" "Of course." "Silly me." "This is the £2 million, is it?" " Uh-huh." " Can I see it?" "JEZ:" "Sorry." "I've got the key for the safe." "Dylan's got the key for the cases." "GEORGIE:" "Can you trust him?" "JEZ:" "Dylan's completely trustworthy." "He's just a bit unreliable in some areas." "Like I told him I thought you were unique... and he tried to tongue you." "GEORGIE:" "Oh, gorgeously put, but point taken." "DYLAN: [Singing] Do you know the way to San Jose?" "I'm goin' back to find some piece of mind..." "DYLAN:" "Hi." "I-- What are the cases doing out?" "JEZ:" "We can trust her." "GEORGIE:" "You can trust me." "GEORGIE:" "I think I should go." "JEZ:" "Yeah, I think so." "GEORGIE:" "Jez, I wanted to tell you something." "JEZ:" "It's not a good time." "GEORGIE:" "I'll call you later, then." " Yeah." " Bye." " Bye." " Bye." "Jez, you don't show the cases to anybody." "I know." "Nobody." "I'm sorry." "DYLAN:" "You're sorry, or you're sorry sorry?" "I'm sorry sorry." "I picked up the money for... for Verbitec." "Nobody." "I know." " Oh, Lord." " Ha ha ha!" "[Beeping]" "[Beeping stops]" "[Gas hisses]" "[Bang]" "Ha ha ha!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Hello?" "1212?" "Scotland Yard?" "Jez... you know we've got no family." "And you're--you're my..." "We've come a long way." "We did it." "We did it." " Dylan?" " Yeah?" "Who gave you the check?" "DYLAN:" "I--I don't know." "Some guy at Accounts." "JEZ:" "What was his name?" "DYLAN:" "Stratton something." "Did he have big black ears and a wiggly nose?" "Did he what?" ""Mickey Mouse."" "Maybe that's his nickname?" "You said "Stratton something." Could it be Stratton-Luce?" "Yeah, that's it." "[Siren]" "DYLAN:" "Oh, shit, shit, shit!" "Jez, open it up." "Jez!" "Jez, hurry up!" "[Tires screeching]" "[Knock knock]" "[Helicopter]" "[Knock knock knock]" "[Gulps]" "[Forceful knocking]" "[Squeaky voice] Can we help you?" "JUDGE:" "Dylan Zimbler and Jeremiah Quinney... before I impose sentence, have you anything to say?" "DYLAN:" "Your Honor, I'm not concerned for my own welfare... but I would very much like to say a few words about this man." "Go ahead, but make it brief." "Jeremiah Quinney is the nicest... kindest, most decent person I've ever known." "He was brought up an orphan, an outsider." "No home, no family, nowhere to run to." "When the going got tough..." ""Mummy, it's cold outside." "Can I come in now?"" "There was no Mummy." "This man has been pushed around... laughed at, humiliated, failed miserably with women..." "JEZ:" "All right." "DYLAN:" "Why does this man find himself in a courtroom?" "Because there was never anyone there to make a difference." "Today, Your Honor, you can make that difference." "JUDGE:" "Three months for the pair of you." "JEZ:" "That made a difference." "JUDGE:" "What are your financial circumstances?" "BOTH:" "We're broke." "JUDGE:" "I order you to repay the sum embezzled... and costs at the rate of... 50 pence per week." "JUDGE:" "Next!" "TERRY:" "How about a drink and a chat?" "STRATTON-LUCE:" "Absolutely." "TERRY:" "You know where they live?" "ROGER:" "Darling, what about..." ""All Things Bright And Beautiful"?" "Yeah." "Good." "JEZ:" "She's getting married." "Why didn't she just tell me?" "DYLAN:" "Oh, no." "Oh. no, no, Jez." "JEZ:" "Yeah." "DYLAN:" "No, no, Jez." "What does this say?" ""Fifty pound..."" ""The palace won its High-Court claim..." ""that the queen's likeness is unflattering..." ""and therefore defamatory." ""In an emergency measure..." ""the courts ordered the Bank of England..." ""to immediately withdraw the £50 note..." ""making it non-legal tender after..." ""June 19,1300 hours G.M.T."" "DYLAN:" "That's one day before we're released." "JEZ:" "What?" "DYLAN:" "We are about to become the proud possessors... of two million quid of useless notes... because the queen doesn't like her picture?" "Jesus Christ!" "It's self, self, self for some people!" "No, no, no." "You take two million to a bank... they're going to ask questions, talk to the police." "JEZ:" "OK." "What about buying something expensive?" "DYLAN:" "Great thing about prison." "The shopping's excellent." "We play our cards right, we get £2 million of tobacco... and Pamela Anderson posters." "JEZ:" "I meant get someone to spend it for us." "DYLAN:" "Mickey the fence is out this week." "Let's ask him to do it." "Hey, Mickey!" "JEZ:" "Georgie." "Georgie." " No." " No, Jez" "JEZ:" "She mustn't know I'm here." "Jez, this is us." "[Whispering] Search!" "Ohh..." "Tangy and hollow and easy to swallow." " Please, Dylan." " It goes down, or we do." "GEORGIE:" "Oh, I'm so proud you're doing this, Robin." "ROBIN:" "I'm going to be your father for a day." " Yes, you are." " You nervous?" "Nervous?" "God, no." "No." "Are you sure?" "No." "I feel amazingly calm." "ROBIN:" "If you're happy, then so am I." "Well, thanks." "I feel like Wedding-Day Barbie." "I couldn't be happier." "ROBIN:" "That's good." "I'm scared stiff." "[Laughs]" " A letter for you from Jez." " Where from, Brazil?" " He's in prison." " Why?" "FLOSS:" "I don't know." "He wants you to meet him today." "GEORGIE:" "Today?" "Oh, God!" "What am I going to do?" "FLOSS:" "You're getting married." "It's going to be OK." "GEORGIE:" "Yes, it is." "[Bells ringing]" "[Cell phone rings]" " Are you not coming?" " I'll answer the phone." "[Ring]" "MAN ON PHONE:" "It's sorted." "I've secured the eviction order for closing the foundation." "As soon as you sign the register, let me know." "FLOSS:" "Who is this?" "MAN:" "Roger?" "[Hangs UP]" "[Hangs UP]" "[Babies crying]" "[Organ music playing]" "JEZ:" "You know we told Georgie we're Nineties Robin Hoods?" "DYLAN:" "Yeah." "JEZ:" "Well, how would you feel if she found out the truth?" "DYLAN:" "The bottom would drop out of my world." "JEZ:" "Seriously." "DYLAN:" "Seriously?" "Don't tell her." "MINISTER:" "Love, honor, and keep him in sickness... and in health... and keep thee only unto him so long as ye both shall live?" "GEORGIE:" "I" "[Cell phone rings]" "[Murmuring]" "[Ring ring]" "[Ring]" "ROGER:" "Hello?" "FLOSS ON PHONE:" "I need to speak to her now." "Right." "ROGER:" "For you." " Hello." " Oh, Georgie, thank God!" "FLOSS:" "Listen, don't marry him." " Where are you?" " Outside in the Rolls." "He's selling the foundation." "Some shady businessmen involved." "GEORGIE:" "Oh, I see." "[Whispering] Before I say this, I really am terribly sorry." "You bastard!" "DYLAN:" "At least we know we can count on Georgie." "I'm going to the toilet." "I'm going to the toilet." "You came." "Well, you know, I was just passing and..." "You're married?" "No, I'm not." "So, how can I help?" "Spend £2 million?" "That's every girl's dream." "JEZ:" "Georgie, I want to be honest with you." "GEORGIE:" "What's the matter?" "JEZ:" "The money we've saved" "But you were dishonest getting it." "Yeah, but..." "Well, yeah." "But it's OK." "It's for a good cause from people who could afford it." "I could get it direct to your orphans project for you." "You could, but, you see, the orphans project is, well" "That would affect their tiny government handout... that they're getting this year." "Hi, Georgie." "Actually, there is sort of another small problem." "The key?" "It's like rush hour in here." "Gridlock." "Georgie, could you get the cases and keep them with you... and then come back for Dylan's key?" "GEORGIE:" "Yes, of course." "They've got an explosive security system." "Do you know anything about high explosives?" "Jez, I won't open them." "OK." "Great." "Thanks." "Bye." "DYLAN:" "She's not coming back till the day before our release." "DYLAN:" "She's not coming back till the day before our release." "It's too late." "We've gotta get hospitalized." " We escape from there." " Hospitalized?" "DYLAN:" "Just hit me." "We gotta rough each other up." "Hit me." "Come on." "Oh, shit." "Come on, boys, what do you think you're playing at?" "Ah!" " Aah!" " Whoaah!" "Are you lads all right?" "Yeah, OK." "Thanks." "Hey, you forgot your book." "Ow." " We just need some time." " Yeah." "DYLAN:" "There he is." "Desperate times, Jez." "GUARD:" "Hey, you!" "DYLAN:" "Aah!" "GUARD:" "Hold it!" "Jeez, break it up!" " Come on!" " Hey, fight!" "You crack me up." "You do." "[Shouting]" "Haul him into the ward!" "Secure him!" "[Door clangs]" "Oh, God..." "JEZ:" "Come on." "DYLAN:" "I can't." "JEZ:" "Look, you've got to try." "DYLAN:" "Oh, Jez, come on." "I've tried." "Believe me." "JEZ:" "Listen, if we don't get that money changed... all our plans are over." "Finished." "No key, no stately home." " No stately home?" " No stately home." "DYLAN:" "No stately home." "[Gurgling]" "Oh..." "Uh-oh..." "Oh, oh, turn around, turn around." "Oh." "JEZ:" "Guard?" "Guard!" "DYLAN:" "What's with this?" "No, they haven't..." "They have a gap, they always have..." "For crying out loud..." " Hi, Georgie." " Georgie, I can't help us." "Tell her how to disarm the cases." "JEZ:" "It's not possible." "She needs the key." " What about a saw?" " Too risky." "DYLAN:" "I'm a broken man." "You have to help me." "Us." "You have to help us." "GEORGIE:" "OK, I'll try." "JEZ:" "I'd like to be alone." "[Knocks on door]" "JEZ:" "Georgie... the money in the cases, it's not..." "GEORGIE:" "What?" "JEZ:" "The money--the money, it's not" "GEORGIE:" "Jez, calm down." "JEZ:" "The orphans." "Remember I told you about the orphans?" "Well, the orphans..." "Look, what I'm trying to say is that-- is that the money, the money in the cases..." "The Poor people!" "The poor people are--are"" "are we." "Are we." "We." "We're the poor people." "You kept all the money for yourselves?" "You lied to me." "We're the orphans." "We never had a home." "[Door closes]" "Jez, you told her?" "Well, just--just..." "Come on, just-- You told her." "Yeah." "I cannot believe you told her!" "Jez!" "She hates me." "Of course she hates you, because you're a schmuck." "Here's why:" "She's poor, she's got our cases... and she's been dicked by you." "We're never going to see her again!" "I don't care if you're sorry sorry." "GEORGIE:" "If Roger had got eviction orders... where would he have got them from?" "COLLYNS:" "Any lawyer." "GEORGIE:" "Oh, that's helpful." "If I wanted to save the house, the foundation... and the grounds, what would I need?" "COLLYNS:" "It's getting a little late for that." " How much?" " £1.5 million." "But, with death duties and my fees, about two million." " By when?" " Next week." "Biscuit?" "Thank you." "GUARD:" "Governor wants to see you in his office." "Jeremiah..." "Dylan..." "Lesley has died." "DYLAN:" "Lesley?" "Oh, no..." "JEZ:" "Who?" "GEORGIE:" "Lesley!" "Lesley's dead!" "JEZ:" "Who's Lesley?" "DYLAN:" "Our Lesley is dead?" "[Sobbing]" "DYLAN:" "Governor..." "Lesley was so young and so fresh." "GEORGIE:" "Eighty-four." "DYLAN:" "The most sprightly pensioner I ever met." "JEZ:" "Who's Lesley?" "DYLAN:" "Sir, Lesley was like an auntie." "GEORGIE:" "Uncle. [Coughs]" "DYLAN:" "Uncle, auntie, guru to this man... and, look, he's become emotionally detached." "Hey, Lesley is dead, man!" "Lesley's gone!" "JEZ:" "Ohh!" "DYLAN:" "OK, buddy." "JEZ:" "Oh, Lesley!" "No!" "DYLAN:" "I think it's starting to get through to him." "Let it out, buddy." "Let it out." "OK." "Let it out." "The cremation is this morning." "I'm so sorry." "[Crying]" "GOVERNOR:" "I, too, am sorry to hear of your loss." "I've taken into account you're to be paroled tomorrow... and I have decided to allow you to attend the ceremony." " Thank you, sir." " Thank you." "Thank you, sir." "BOTH:" "Thank you." "Thank you." "[Singing] Happy to be with you in the sun..." "In the summertime." "So glad to be here and now we're done." "[Faking sobs]" "GEORGIE: [Whispering] Kneel down." "Kneel down." "[Moaning loudly]" "GEORGIE:" "Could you leave us for a few minutes?" "JEZ:" "Oh..." " I'm sorry I lied." " Don't be." "Open the boot." "Wait." "Put the money in here." "The cases are great, but they're hardly subtle." "[Beeping]" "[Beeping stops]" "Stately... home." "Come on." "I should check." "VICAR:" "Just give them another couple of minutes" " I should look." " I don't think you" "[Crying]" "Can we move this along, please?" "[Crying]" "Are you all right?" "DYLAN:" "Just a few more minutes, please." "JEZ:" "They've gone out." "DYLAN:" "Where are we going?" "There's a chess set expected to take £1,800,000 at auction." "DYLAN:" "We buy it, then we resell it." "JEZ:" "Amazing, Georgie." "Oh..." "Oh, no..." "We're never going to make it." "We'll be too late." "DYLAN:" "Oh, I can't..." " We get back, make a plan." " Back?" "No." " Dylan, back." " Back or forwards?" " Back." " Forwards." " Back!" " Forwards!" " No!" " We have to go" " You shut up!" " Back!" "I'm sorry." "That's it." "I'm going in." "VICAR:" "I don't think-- You must have noticed" "GEORGIE:" "Ohh..." "GUARD:" "I think she's fainted." "DYLAN:" "Oh." "Hide the money." "No... oh!" "No... oh!" "[Motor starts]" "No, quit..." "[Click click]" "No." "No." "No!" "'No!" "'No!" "VICAR: "Hereby commit his body to the..."" "GUARD:" "If you loved him, let him go." "VICAR: "Dust to dust, in the sure and certain hope..."" "GEORGIE:" "I'm really sorry." "I'll pick you up tomorrow at 12:00." "VICAR:" "Here's Georgina." "Got everything?" "GEORGIE:" "Thanks." "You made a great Vicar." "Well done, Mikey." "Thank you, Hilda." "This should benefit all of us." "VICAR:" "I think we pulled it off rather well." " I'm here to see Mr. Collyns." " I'm afraid he's busy" "Mr. Collyns--Roger." "I have the money for the foundation." "I'm sorry, I held him off as long as I could." " What have you done?" " I had to sell him your house." "And that means the foundation will sadly have to be shut." "You sold him my house?" "COLLYNS:" "Well, I" "You buggered a property deal that could've made us richer... than you could have possibly imagined." "GEORGIE:" "A property deal?" "!" "Christ, Roger, you've known me since I was a child." "Has money ever meant anything to me?" "And I honestly thought our marriage could work." "I didn't love you." "You knew that." "I thought I understood you, what little there was... but you surpassed yourself, keeping a secret for" "Christ, you've been proposing to me for years." "Is that what you had at the back of your mind?" "Of course not." "I met the businessman..." "a few months ago?" "It was a once-in-a-lifetime deal." "You." "I suppose there had to be some brains behind this deception." "We trusted you!" "You've been our family lawyer since the Dark Ages." "Just sell me the house." "What use is it to you?" "You made me look a bloody fool in front of all my friends." "That's very kind of you to say so... but in all fairness, I think some groundwork was done for me." "Mr. Collyns, you're sacked." "From dealing with your poverty?" "[Telephone rings]" "Hello." "You bought the horse." "Roger." "I have, and I want the house and the foundation back." "Georgie, there's something I must explain to you." "I authorized the sale." "What?" "You just paid two million quid for some dog food and wood glue." "Ha ha ha!" "ROSS:" "Excuse me." "I want a word with you." "Do you know the whereabouts of Mr. Pinkworth?" "Um..." "GIRL:" "Oh, Daddy!" "DYLAN:" "Stratton-Luce." "JEZ:" "Maybe." "Oh, God, what happened?" "GEORGIE:" "Um... the money didn't burn in the coffin." "DYLAN:" "The what?" "My father converted one wing of our family house... into a foundation for children with Down's Syndrome." "My brother was born Down's." "DYLAN:" "Where's the money?" "Father died and the house went into receivership... because we couldn't pay the death duties." "DYLAN:" "You've spent our money on people with Down's Syndrome." "JEZ:" "We thought we'd lost the money." "GEORGIE:" "I wanted to buy the house, but I was too late." "DYLAN:" "So what did you buy?" "I think you better come outside." "I feel sick." "We could've had a mansion and all lived in luxury... albeit with a bunch of loonies-- disadvantaged children." "Instead, we've got a horse whose only value is as sausage." "Sorry, Vacuum, it happens to be the truth." "This is my sister Floss and our brother Robin... and this is Jez." "And Dylan." "Hi." "Hi." "Both lost for words." "That's pretty unusual." "I got a call and Robin has to be out by midday." "I can't believe Roger's doing this." "He's angry and doesn't like my friends." "We're going to save your brother..." "Robin... and your house." "JEZ:" "How?" "Ma'am, don't you worry." "DYLAN:" "It's got to win, Jez." "Yeah." "I got it." "What makes a horse win?" " Speed?" " What else?" " Fitness." " Yeah." "What else?" " Balance." " Yeah." "What else?" "ROBIN:" "Fancying the horse in front." "DYLAN:" "What else?" "Come on, Jez." "JEZ:" "A light jockey." "P.A.:" "The next race on your cards... ladies and gentlemen, is the feature race of the day:" "the 57th running... of the Group-One K.P.M.G. Challenge Cup." "And the highlights of the race now..." "OK, the more you turn this... the stronger the magnetic field will pull you down." " Down." " Down." "Jez, you want to get that sleeve?" "OK." "Thank you." "Afternoon, Panties." "Afternoon, sir." "[Turns dial]" "OFFICIAL:" "Right." "Too many big lunches, eh?" "[Chuckles]" "Yes, you can take four pounds off." " Thank you." " Certainly." "Next, please." "P.A.:" "All the runners are down at the start now." "They're going behind for the big race of the afternoon." "It won't be long before they're underway." "In the betting ring, Old Whiskey is favored at six to four." "Wackerjack is a three-to-one shot." "Louie's Boy has gone out a point." "DYLAN:" "Here we are." "ROGER:" "Look who's here." "Good luck, you old filly." "P.A.: ...to 16-1 from 12." "Loading's going fairly smoothly." "Most of the runners in stall." "Last one's coming forward." "It's over to Peter O'Sullevan." "O'SULLEVAN:" "They're under starter's orders and off!" "In the 57th running of the K.P.M.G. Challenge Cup..." "Mr. Henry's gone out very quickly... followed by Wackerjack and Tender Moments." "Back behind the leaders is the favorite Old Whiskey... who looks ready for anything." "Then comes King's Wood and Canjalopie." "They've traveled about a furlong... and it's Mr. Henry making the running from Louie's Boy... then Wackerjack, Tender Moments, on the outside of Vacuum Pack... running a very strong race at this stage." "So it's Louie's Boy and Mr. Henry..." "Tender Moments behind these two, then the gray Vacuum Pack." "ROGER:" "Vacuum Pack's an old puffer." "I can't bloody believe this." "O'SULLEVAN:" "Nothing to choose between the leaders." "ROGER:" "You told me to sell him!" "O'SULLEVAN:" "Louie's Boy battle it out... but Vacuum Pack is threatening them both... and he's started..." " Come on, baby!" " Whoo!" "...and Vacuum pack, the 16-to-1 shot... is moving easily and comes within a length of the lead." "But coming up very fast is the favorite Old Whiskey... who looks full of running." "And now, Vacuum..." "JEZ:" "Shit." "Come on, Vacuum." "Old Whiskey is coming up very fast, indeed..." "Come on!" "It's Vacuum Pack still from Old Whiskey... and now Old Whiskey has taken it up." "GEORGIE:" "Please, do it." "DYLAN:" "And helium." "[Beep]" "Old Whiskey from Vacuum Pack." "He looks like the favorite... but Vacuum Pack's coming back to the leader." "Vacuum Pack-- Well, it's amazing!" "Vacuum Pack's found something extra." "I don't know what he's packing in his Vacuum... but he's certainly got the wind in his sails now." "As we head for the line, Vacuum Pack, Old Whiskey." "There's nothing to choose between them." "Vacuum Pack, Old Whiskey." "And as they come to the line..." "Vacuum Pack gets there for the..." "GEORGIE:" "Whoo!" "P.A.:" "What a performance by the gray Vacuum Pack." "DYLAN:" "Let's get some champagne." "COLLYNS:" "Oh, don't start." "Ohh!" "P.A.:" "And so, ladies and gentlemen... the winner of the 57th K.P.M.G. Challenge Cup..." "Vacuum Pack, and a warm hand, please... for the winning jockey, Bobby Panfield." "MAN:" "We'll pay a stud fee of 150,000 guineas." "WOMAN:" "I know Vacuum's a recent purchase." "I'm sure we can pay you more than you laid out." "MAN:" "I want that horse." "Name your price." "Thank you, ladies, gentlemen." "Roger, any offers?" "All right." "I'll give you the house back." "MAN:" "I'll top that." "Whatever he offers, I'll better." "ROGER:" "And 100,000." "Three." "DYLAN:" "Five hundred thousand." "ROGER:" "OK." "Oh, and the Rolls." "DYLAN:" "I just need you to sign..." "JEZ:" "Here." "DYLAN:" "Five hundred..." "[Helium voice] I knew if we got the right conditions... we'd be flying." "[All asking questions]" "MAN:" "Well done." "Marvelous race, Lady Georgina." "GEORGIE:" "Oh, thank you." "GEORGIE:" "Oh, uh..." "I forgot to mention that." "Lady Georgina?" "You're not cross, are you?" "No, you're pleased." "A doctor, a peer of the realm, and with secretarial skills" "Who'd be cross?" "Whoo!" "DYLAN: "Pinkworth"?" "!" "What is this?" "GEORGIE:" "It's from Mrs. Ross." "I think it's a writ." "It's for Jez." "GEORGIE:" "The circuit diagram you drew worked." "She wants to license the Verbitec chip." "DYLAN:" "Jez, you're a genius." "[Singing] Doo, doo, doo doo, doo doo, d-d-d-doo..." "Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo..." "Wah wah wah wah, wah wah, wah wah wah..." "ALL:" "Do you know the way to San Jose?" "I've been away so long." "I may go wrong and lose my way." "[With Dionne Warwick] Do you know the way to San Jose?" "I'm going back to find some peace of mind in San Jose." "L.A. is a great big freeway." "Put a 100 down and buy a car." "In a week, maybe two, they'll make you a star." "Weeks turn into years." "How quick they pass." "And all the stars that never were... are parking cars and pumping gas." "You can really breathe in San Jose..." "They've got a lot of space..." "There'll be a place where I can stay..." "I was born and raised in San Jose..." "I'm going back to find some peace of mind in San Jose." "I was wondering, would you..." "Perhaps you might consider..." "Or--or think about..." "Possibly..." "I think he's trying to ask if you'd like to kiss him." "Oh, go on, then." "Has the British aristocracy lost all sense of decency?" "I certainly hope so." "I certainly hope so." "[Singing] Hey, I'm not the type..." "To say one thing and do another." "And if it's all right..." "I'd kind of like to be your lover." "'Cause when you're with me..." "I can't help but be..." "So desperately..." "Uncontrollably..." "Happy." "And, hey, I'm not the kind..." "To fall in love without good reason." "And if that's a crime..." "Then, baby, I'm committing high treason." "'Cause when you're with me..." "I'm absolutely..." "And totally quite uncontrollably..." "Happy." "And, hey, I'm not so blind..." "That I can't see where we're all going." "And it's no fault of mine..." "If humankind reaps what it's sowing." "Just as long as we are together forever..." "I'll never be anything other than..." "Happy!" "Ohh!" "Hey, don't be surprised..." "If millions die in plague and murder." "True happiness lies..." "Beyond your fries and happy burger."