"♪♪♪" "♪ Take life one day at a time ♪" "♪ That's what a wise man said to me ♪" ""♪ He said, " Life, in all its complexity ♪" ""♪ ls the ultimate test for you and me" ♪" "♪ When you walk Hold your head up high ♪" "♪ For the master's Watching you from the sky ♪" "♪ I know not what trouble lies ahead ♪" "♪ Before you fight, use your head ♪" "♪ It's time to leave the nest Where you were born ♪" "♪ This journey you must make alone ♪" "♪ Spread your wings and ﬂy ♪" "♪ There's a power deep inside you An inner strength ♪" "♪ You'll find in time of need ♪" "♪ The glow ♪" "[GRUNTING]" "[YELLS]" "[YELLING]" "How did you know... that was the blue one?" " I do not know, master." " You do not know?" "Huhn!" "Huh?" "No." "I humbly apologize for my ignorance, master." "I will do anything to prove my worthiness." "[CHUCKLES]" "You have been to the movies again, I see." "Full of disciples falling to their knees... at the slightest hint of their master's displeasure." "Leroy, this is not a punishment." "It is a celebration." "You have touched the final level." "You knew without knowing." "We have finished our journey together-." "But, master... the final level." "The glow." "You always said that..." "That when you reached the final level... you would know it by the appearance of a sublime glow... all over your body." "Come, Leroy." "Get up." "What you seek is not written on the ﬂoor." "The final level is a return to the beginning." "This is the Last Dragon." "A cycle is complete... and now there is a new emptiness to be filled... a new journey which you must make alone." " I am confused." " Good." "Good." "Confusion is a part of life, as are vengeance, fear and love." "All facets must be embraced... for then and only then... will you break through the wall of mystery to the glow." "Master, perhaps with more time to train." " Master, I need more time." " I am no longer your master." "Leroy... if it is a master... you must have... there is an old sage called Sum Dum Goy." "He is said to be the wisest man in the universe." "Go, find him." "He is here in New York." "♪♪♪" "Take this." "It was Bruce Lee's." "When you find the master who will take you to the final level... give it to him." "Go now, my son, on your journey." "Go." "Go." "♪♪♪" "♪ Look within ♪" "♪ For reality ♪" "♪ Or soon you'll weave the web ♪" "♪ Of the master's philosophy ♪" "♪ Is that above, beyond Below your grasp' ♪" "♪ To utilize What you've learned in the past ♪" "♪ Inside you That's where the script begins ♪" "♪ Inside you That's where the film must end ♪" "♪ For you can claim The power to survive your darkest hour ♪" "♪ Because you are a dragon ♪" "[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]" "♪ You're a dragon ♪" "[OVER SPEAKERS] Mr. Lee?" "♪ You'll survive it ♪." "Are you ready?" "♪ You're a dragon ♪" "♪ The time has come To face your destiny ♪" " Bolo." " Kah!" "♪ And let be what must be ♪" "[CROWD CHEERING]" "Joints and bags!" "Joints and bags!" "Put his butt on the chuck wagon and send his ass to the dogs." "[CROWD GROANS]" "MAN:" "In his butt." " Shufﬂe on him, Bruce!" " Sting him!" "[YELLING]" "[AUDIENCE CHEERING]" "[OVER STEREO] ♪ We live in a jungle ♪" "♪ We live in a jungle ♪" "[PEOPLE YELLING INDISTINCTLY]" "♪ We live in a jungle ♪" "♪ We live in a jungle ♪" "[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND CLAPPING]" "For real though." "That's that, man, and there ain't no coming back." "Ha-ha-ha." "Oharra's treachery has disgraced the house." "[SCREEN POWERING DOWN]" "[MEN LAUGHING]" "[PEOPLE CHATTERING AND WHISTLING]" "MAN 1:" "Hey, is this part of the show?" "MAN 2:" "What is this?" "MAN 3:" "Oh, patty-cake shit." " Am I the meanest?" "GANG:" "Sho'nuff!" " Am I the prettiest?" " Sho'nuff!" "Am I the baddest mofo lowdown around this town?" " Sho'nuff!" " Well, who am I?" "GANG:" "Shohuff!" " Who am I?" "GANG:" "Sho'nuff!" "I can't hear you." "GANG:" "Shohuff!" "The shogun of Harlem." "GANG:" "Yaah!" "Crunch, seats." "[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]" "This is She's row." "Move it." "I said, beat it!" "BOY:" "I know who can beat you!" "Who said that?" "Beast, find who said that!" "BEAST:" "I got him, Sho." "I got him." "I got him, Sho." "I got him." "Here you go, Sho." "Here's the roach who said it." "Who's badder than the shogun?" "Bruce Leroy, that's who!" "SHO'NUFF:" "Bruce Leroy?" "Bruce Leroy?" "♪♪♪" "That's the only guy that stands between Sho and total supremacy." "[GRUNTING OVER SPEAKERS]" "Well, well, well." "If it ain't the serious... and saucy Leroy Green." "I've been waiting a long time for this, Leroy." "I am sick of hearing these bullshit Superman stories... about the "wahsa," legendary Bruce Leroy... catching bullets with his teeth." "MAN:" "Ha-ha-ha." "Catches bullets with his teeth?" "Nigga, please." "The secret awaits eyes unclouded by ambition." "What?" "Those who are bound by desire... see only that which can be held in their hands." "See, now it is mumbo jumbo like that..." "Eeh." "Yeah, yeah." "Ha-ha-ha." "And skinny lizards like you thinking they're the Last Dragon... that gives kung fu a bad name." "Get up, Leroy." "I got something real for your ass in these hands." "We gonna settle this once and for all because I am back." "The shogun is back on the scene and the shogun is the master." "MAN:" "Why don't you sit down and shut up?" "What?" "Why don't I sit down and what?" "!" "I said, "Why don't you sit down and shut up?"" "Why don't anybody who wants me to sit down and shut up... come down here and make me?" "Why don't any 50 of you who want me to sit down and shut up... come down here just for the fun of it?" "Yeah, come on, fool." "This fool's mine." "♪♪♪" "Jack him up, baby!" "Don't hurt that face, baby!" "Yeah!" " Oh." " Ha-ha-ha." "[GRUNTS]" "[SHO'NUFF YELLING]" "Leroy!" "I'm going to..." "Hee-yah!" "[GROWLS]" "You'll never use this foot again!" "MAN:" "Jack him up!" "SHO'NUFF:" "Leroy!" "I'm gonna get you, Leroy... because I am the shogun!" "And I will not rest until everybody knows... shogun is the master!" "[SNO'NUFF SNARLS]" "[DOOR CLOSES]" "You wimp." "[ANGIE HUMMING]" "ROCK:" "Still hungry, are we?" "Ha-ha-ha." "I've got a surprise dessert." "[ROCK LAUGHING]" "Ah-ah-ah-ah." "[ROCK LAUGHING]" "♪♪♪" "TV ANNOUNCER:" "Live from Seventh Heaven... it's Laura's Video Hotpix... brought to you by Coca-Cola." "Coke is it." "[CHUCKLES]" "[OVER TV] ♪ Coke is it ♪" "Soon that's gonna be you, Angie... dancing around on that screen, ain't that right?" "Hey, Angie, baby, soon that's gonna be you up there, huh?" "Oh, yeah!" "Ha-ha-ha." "That's my girl!" "[BOTH assume]" "EDDIE:" "My little dodo turd-brain's gonna be a star." "If you'd have put this energy into getting me a title fight... maybe I'd have been on my way to Vegas now." "You lost, Rock, you lost." "Every fight I got you." ""The Great White Hopeless," they called you." "Remember?" "What do you think they're gonna call her?" "A goddess is what they're gonna call her." "A goddess." "What she'll do to people has never been done." " Make them run for cover?" " That's cute." "[ALL CHEERING]" "♪♪♪" "And now, for my video hot pick of the week..." "And it is hot." "I say we rock on with DeBarge." ""Rhythm of the Night."" "♪ When it feels like The world is on your shoulders ♪" "♪ And all of the madness Has got you going crazy ♪" "♪ It's time to get out Step out into the street ♪" "♪ Where all of the action ls right there at your feet, well ♪" "♪ I know a place where we can Dance the whole night away ♪" "♪ Underneath the electric stars ♪" "♪ Just come with me And we can shake the blues right away ♪" "♪ You'll be doing fine Once the music starts ♪" "♪ Oh Feel the beat of the rhythm of the night ♪" "♪ Dance until the morning light ♪" "I don't know what you're doing anyway." "Give me five minutes, Eddie... and this chick will beg to play this thing." "You got no class." "I know how to handle these types." "You gotta wine them, dine them, let them order é la carte." "After all, me and this lady, we got a lot in common." "She's the video-rock queen, but I, Eddie Arkadian, am the video-game king." "She's got the audience, I got the vision." "A match made in heaven." "Jesus!" "[LAUGHING]" "I told you to get rid of that thing." "You also told me, "Keep it." "It comes in handy." Remember?" "Yeah, yeah, I remember." "Damn, that thing gives me the creeps." "♪ Feel the beat Of the rhythm of the night ♪" "♪ Dance until the morning light ♪" "♪ Forget about the worries On your mind ♪" "♪ You can leave them all behind ♪" "♪ Feel the beat Of the rhythm of the night ♪" "♪ Dance until the morning light ♪" "♪ Forget about the worries On your mind ♪" "♪ Oh, baby Feel the beat of the rhythm of the night♪" "♪ Oh, darling ♪" "♪ Forget about the worries on your mind Oh ♪" "♪ Feel the beat Of the rhythm of the night ♪" "♪ Ooh Forget about the worries on your mind ♪" "♪ La, la, la, la The music's playin' ♪" "♪ It's a celebration ♪" "♪ The music's playin' Everybody dance ♪" "♪ To the beat of the rhythm of the night Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪" "♪ Forget about the worries on your mind You can leave them ali behind ♪" "♪ Feel the beat Of the rhythm of the night ♪" "Come on, we're just talking about one dinner out of your life." "Come on, at least have dinner with him." "J.J., I would love to help you out... but my show is booked solid for the next four weeks." "So you're just gonna have to wait." " Honey..." " Please, we've got a show to do." "Will you at least look at the videotape?" " J.J., there is no point." " Laura, there is a point." "The point of the knife which is at my neck." "He'll slit my throat if you don't do this." "Come on!" "What are you talking about, J.J.?" " Who's gonna slit your throat?" " Sit down, we've got a show!" "Laura, this guy plays rough." "Thirty seconds, Laura." "What guy?" "Okay." "Tell me, J.J., who?" " Eddie Arkadian." " Who is Eddie Arkadian?" "Arkadian is a heavy dude who wants to have this videotape... played in the worst way." "Come on, Laura." "Fifteen seconds, Laura." "Come on." "Come on." "Let's go!" "Let's go." "Give me a break." "Why don't you just call a cop, okay?" "My life is not filled with all that craziness." " Five seconds!" "Four." "Three." " Tell whatever his name is to forget it." " Arkadian." "Laura!" " Two." "One." "You're on!" "[CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]" "♪♪♪" "♪ I found a place Finally find a place ♪" "♪ For you and me to go If you want to get in, ha-ha ♪" "♪ Step up in the elevator Press number seven ♪" "♪ That's all you got to do To get to Seventh Heaven ♪" "♪ I can't believe what you're gonna see Once you get inside ♪" "♪ I know you'll love my ride ♪" "♪ You can fool around in my room ♪" "♪ And enjoy my golden ride Keep it up, oh ♪" "♪ Up and around I'll never {et you down ♪" "♪ Going up ♪" "♪ I'll keep it up And around will I ever ♪" "♪ Never say never ♪" "♪ At Heaven's elevator door ♪" "♪ Because once you dare ♪" "♪ You can't get it up anymore ♪" "[CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]" "♪♪♪" "Thank you, everybody, and welcome to Seventh Heaven." "I'm glad you made it." "Whew." "I'm glad I made it." "Today my special guests, the tastemakers... from the now generation, with my Cloud Crowd." "[ALL CHEERING]" "Yo, J.J., my main man!" "What's happening?" "[TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]" "What?" "Nobody turns down an Eddie Arkadian invitation." "Nobody." "So come and join us because the winner... will get a Seventh Heavenly evening out on the town with me." "What do you think about that?" "[CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]" "BOY:" "How about a kiss?" "!" "LAURA:" "Who said that?" " I said it!" " No, I said it!" "A kiss?" "Well, you never know." "But here's one for now." "Got it!" "♪ You found my place You finally found my place ♪" "♪ Yes, love's inside my lords Dancin' all the time ♪" "♪ Hop off the elevator Hell with incinerators ♪" "♪ Heaven never burned An angel on a fire ♪" "♪ Oh, oh, oh He never burned an angel on a fire ♪" "♪ He was full of desire ♪" "♪ Oh, no We don't burn angels on the fire ♪" "Yeah." "That's my babe." "Ha-ha." " What you talking about?" " That's my woman up there." "She don't know it yet, but she's mine." "[CROWD CHEERING]" "Yeah." "Yeah." "[PEOPLE CHATTERING]" "WOMAN:" "Oh, here she comes." " Laura!" "Oh, Laura, sign here!" "MAN:" "I love you, Laura!" "[FANS CLAMORING]" "WOMAN:" "Please!" "MAN:" "We love you!" "We love you, Laura!" "♪♪♪" " How you doing tonight, Sal?" " You just sit back and relax." "Sal got sick." " Hey, what are you doing?" " The right thing, Miss Charles... which is what you're gonna do if you got half a brain." " Help!" "Help!" "Somebody help me!" " Put her in the car!" "Come on, get her in here." " Help me, somebody!" " Get in the car, bitch!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "You..." "I would not do that if I were you." "[SCREAMING]" "You little punk." "♪♪♪" "[LEROY YELLING]" "Hey, what are you, crazy?" "Huh, tough guy?" "Come on!" "Your mother." "All right?" "Come on, tough guy." " Waah!" " Come on!" "Come here!" "Stay there for me." "Stay there." "Stay there." "LAURA:" "Help!" "[GRUNTS]" "[PANTING]" " Are you all right, miss?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "I don't know." "I guess so." "What about you?" "Are you okay?" "They did not harm me." "[SIGHS]" "Wow." "♪♪♪" "Your things." "That's okay." "I can get them." "It seems that everything is safe now." "Yeah." "You sure you're all right?" "Yeah, really." "Just a little shaken up, I think." "God, what was that all about?" "I don't believe it." "You were really something, boy." "I just don't know how to thank you." "[HORN HONKING]" " Did you see where that guy went?" " Yeah, he's right..." "I don't know." "What?" "You getting in or what?" "Come on, honey, let's go." "Huh?" "Where is that deejay lady anyway?" "I mean, what's the big deal?" "Can't she just meet us there?" "Angela, sweetheart, shut up." " But, Eddie, I'm hungry." "I wanna go!" " I said, shut up!" "[CRYING]" "Oh, jeez." "Don't cry." "Listen, Laura what's-her-face is gonna be here any second." "We don't want our star to look like a little pig peed in her eyes now, do we?" "Uh-uh." "Then knock it off." "Don't bug me!" "Fix your face!" "[ROCK SNORTS]" "Shut up!" "As soon as the chick gets here, we leave, okay?" "Okay." "♪♪♪" "[PANTING]" " Now, boss." " Boss." "Boss, don't get mad because it wasn't our fault." " There was nothing we could do." " Her bodyguards." "There must have been 20 or 30 of them." " These big..." "Yeah, black guys." " Black guys!" " Yeah, with chains." " Chains, clubs, they had everything." "They had pipes, bats, they had everything!" "All right, all right!" "So the broad wants to play tough, huh?" "All right." "Two of us can play that game." "Hey, Rock!" "Come here." "Got a little job for you." "The tank?" "Heh-heh." "Bring her back in one piece, will you?" "LEROY:" "Chinese GoJu is my secret." "I bear no arms." "ALL:" "Chinese GoJu is my secret." "I bear no arms." "May God help me if I ever have to use my art." "ALL:" "May God help me if I ever have to use my art." "Conscience is our guide." "[STUDENTS REPEATING AFTER LEROY]" "Peace is our shelter." "Beauty and perfection is our life." "See the courtesy." "[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "Break." "[JOHNNY SCREAMING]" "Johnny, what are you doing?" "Well, you see, Leroy, you know how you're always teaching us... to master the art of fighting without fighting?" "Well, I did you one better." "I mastered the art of fighting without knowing how to fight." "You see, people..." "People are afraid of Oriental dudes." "Give them a little move, a little scream... and lots of attitude." "Check this out." "[GRUNTING]" "[SCREAMING]" "[YELLS]" " Ooh." "LEROY:" "Johnny... to seek safety, one must go to the heart of danger." "Huh?" "[YELLS]" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Ha-ha-ha." "The sign outside says this here school is for instructions in the martial arts." "So we thought we might get some lessons." "THUG 1:" "Yeah, where do we sign up?" " How many yen?" "THUG 2:" "I'd like to learn kung fu." "WOMAN:" "Come on, hot stuff." " Come on, Leroy." "Teach me something." "I do not wish to fight you." "Well, who do you "wish" to fight, then?" "One of them?" "Or one of the ladies maybe?" "Yeah, since you're too much of a sissy to fight me... maybe they're more your speed." "Get him, girls." "Maybe you can get a rise out of this limp wimp." " Yaah!" " Heh-heh." " You wanna wrestle?" " Hey, little girl." "All you've got is this bod, and that's it." "I would love to peel this banana." "Come on, handsome, show us your stuff!" "How about a little kiss on my fist?" "He's too much of a gentleman to hit a lady." "[WOMEN GRUNTING AND YELLING]" "Who looks scared to me!" "Oh." "Yeah!" "Come on, Leroy!" " Yeah, that's right!" "Bow, sucker!" "BEAST:" "Yeah." "Ha-ha-ha." "Bow down to your master!" "Yeah, coolie, kiss my Converse." " So sorry." "Excuse me." " Bow!" "BOW!" "WOMAN 1:" "Kiss Daddy's shoes." "BEAST:" "Bow!" " Kiss Daddy's shoes." " Bow!" " So sorry." "BEAST:" "Bow!" "THUG:" "I'm sorry." "BEAST:" "Bow!" "BOW!" "[SCREAMING]" "Enough!" "You wanna fight?" "You fight me, you big, ugly, smelly-breathed sucker!" "[YELLS]" "How about you, string bean..." " ..." "Rick-James-looking fool?" " Beast, kill him!" "[YELLING]" "WOMAN 1:" "Get him, Beast!" "WOMAN 2:" "That boy's in trouble now." "[GRUNTING]" "Bow down or I'm gonna snap this clown in two!" "Yeah, that's right, fool." "[JOHNNY GROANS]" "Kiss them." "Down." "[GANG LAUGHING]" "Beast, let him go." "You may not wish to fight me now, sucker." "But you will." "I'm gonna see to that." "Sayonara." " Who's the master?" "!" "GANG:" "Sho'nuff!" " Who's the master?" "!" " Sho'nuff!" "SHO'NUFF:" "The shogun of Harlem!" "GANG:" "Yeah!" "[ALL LAUGHING]" "BEAST:" "Yeah!" "Sometimes it is hard to live the way of the wise." "Huh?" "Hey." "Leroy!" "Your papa-san, he wants you in the kitchen, man!" "[PHONE RINGING]" "Green Sanitarium, warden speaking... and our inmates are off to a promising start this morning." "Who's calling?" "Yo, Roy." "I can't come now." "I'm held captive till the coolie kid comes down from the roof." "He's becoming one with his brain again." "Yeah." "All right, I'll catch you later at the rehearsal." "All right." "Hey, let me get this straight." "The prize in this contest you hope to win is a date?" ""Am" gonna win." "And it ain't no thing and the prize ain't no date." " A night with Laura Charles is an event." " Oh, excuse me." "Mama-san, Papa-san..." "Richie-san..." "Lotus Blossom-san." "[GIGGLES]" "Isn't that nice, Sophia?" " Pretty chopsticks, Natasha." " Aww." "Thank you." "I wish you all would decide on one name for this poor child." " No wonder she's so confused." "LEROY:" "Bless this food." "It is to build thy body temple." "Spiritualize it." "RICHIE:" "Telling you, Pop, the boy is off it." "Stupid old clothes, won't mess with no babes." " People talk, you know." " Richard, leave your brother alone." "I can't help it if he's weird." "You're weird, man, really weird." "Richie, when I first started my business, people said I was weird." "A black man with a pizza shop." "Now there isn't a hungry soul in this town that doesn't know my slogan:" ""Just direct-a your feets-a to Daddy Green's..."" " "Pizza." LAURA [OVER TV]:" "Hi, I'm Laura." "Watch yourself, son." "My personal choices for Video Hotpix of the week..." "That's my babe, Pop!" "That's my date for tonight." "Because it's alive... and very, very exciting." " That is her." "RICHIE:" "You telling me?" "You better believe that's her." "That's Laura Charles." "So you remember now, every weekday night at 8:00." "Laura Charles." " I would like to see her." "RICHIE:" "Well, who wouldn't, fool?" "[IMITATING LEROY] "I would like to see her."" "No way the queen is gonna be looking at no walking fortune cookie." """I would like to see her."" " Well, I'll see her today, at rehearsal." " You know where she is?" " I know where she's gonna be." " Take me to see her." "I ain't taking you nowhere." "You might embarrass me." "You're too weird." "♪♪♪" "You do not understand." "She may have something I need." "Ho-ho." "I knew it would happen sooner or later." "You stood on your head so long, you broke it." "Heh." "Look, let me break it down to you." "You seem to be wanting to broaden..." "Get it?" "..." "Your horizons." "You let a lot of good years roll by without even testing the old equipment." "Now, even you being a disgrace and all..." "I'd be less than a man if I didn't warn you... there's an art to making love and you don't even have a paintbrush." "You gotta know the moves, baby." "You know, the moves." "Richie, I am not concerned with moves." "My concern is something else." "Else?" "What else is there?" "Please, I must see her." "I don't see why I'm getting so upset." "Go on, go after a goddess if you want to, but let me tell you something." "The worst thing that can happen to you is that she says yes." "Ain't no woman like that gonna hold still while you figure it out." "Not only do you not know when to do something... you wouldn't know where to put it if you did." "And, Leroy... it can really hurt if you don't know what you're doing." "Richie, I must go to this dance contest." "I ain't taking you nowhere, and that's final." "Please." "Kiss my hand." "Richie, please." "Maybe I'll take you... if you carry me all the way on your back and rap." " Rap?" "Me?" " Yeah." "LEROY:" "What it smell like?" "I think I have it." "What it is?" "What it..." "What it look like?" "Do it." "Yeah, baby." "Do it, do it." "What..." "What it be like?" "What it..." "Okay." "That's it, that's it." "That is it, stop." "Stop right here." "It is pit..." "It's just pitiful." " Give me one more chance!" " No." "It is pitiful." "Put me down." "Put me down." "It's pitiful." "♪ At my window Staring out into the night ♪" "♪ Wishing on a starlight ♪" "Richie, where are you going?" "Are you not gonna buy tickets?" "[LAUGHING]" "Of course I'm gonna buy tickets!" "I never buy tickets, you shrimp-fried-rice head, you." "Man, if anyone asks you, you ain't my brother, okay?" "What?" "You ain't my brother, that's all." "Now, come on!" "♪ First star that I see tonight ♪" "♪ Give me some of that Magic ♪" "♪ Star ♪" "Come on, move it!" "♪ Give me some of that Magic ♪" "♪ My pride has got me cryin' Hear me sighing' ♪" "♪ Tryin' to hide from what I feel ♪" "See, man, messing around with you, now my boys don't even know I'm here." "You're not trying to enter without paying, are you?" "Chill out, chopsticks." "Let me handle this." "There must be another door." "I'll be back." "Just stay right here and don't move." " Oh." "And if anyone asks, remember..." " I know, I ain't your brother." "♪ Posses me, my dear ♪" "♪ Oh, Oh, star First star that I see tonight ♪" "♪ Give me some of that Magic ♪" "♪ Star, oh Can't you grant my wish ♪" "Why wasn't this sound check done sooner?" "I don't know." "I only do what I'm told." "We try for perfection!" "LAURA:" "Help!" "Ah!" "Let me go!" " Help!" "ROCK:" "Let's go, Tony!" "♪♪♪" "LAURA:" "Help!" "Help!" "♪ I found a picture ♪" "♪ Inside your suitcase ♪" "♪ I don't know what it means♪" "♪ I didn't recognize her face ♪" "♪ Mail order catalogs ♪" "♪ Underneath your mattress♪" "♪ Polaroids do suggest ♪" "♪ She is not an actress ♪" "♪ Why is this friendly group All jumping through a hoop?" "♪" "[WHOOPING]" "♪ Dirty books ♪" "♪ I found 'em, I found 'em ♪" "♪ Dirty books ♪" "♪ I found 'em, I found 'em ♪" "♪ Dirty books ♪" "♪ I found 'em, I found 'em ♪" "♪ Now that I have seen it all ♪" "♪ You want me to participate ♪" "♪ You dress me up in peek-a-boos ♪" "♪ Body oil and roller skates ♪" "♪ Dirty books ♪" "♪ I found 'em, I found 'em ♪" "♪ Dirty books ♪" "♪ I found 'em, I found 'em ♪" "♪ And to think how I found them In your suitcase ♪" "[LAUGHING]" "♪ I found 'em, I found 'em I ♪" "[ALL CHATTERING AND CHEERING]" "Don't you love it?" "EDDIE:" "Doll, did I do you a favor or did I do you a favor?" "So you're gonna play my video, huh?" "No." "Maybe you didn't hear it right." "So I'm gonna ask you one more time." "Are you gonna put my video on your show or aren't you?" "I'm gonna tell you one more time." "The answer is no." "It's not that I don't like it." " It's just that it's not the right..." "ANGIE:" "Right!" "Urn, um..." "Right time of the night to look at it." "That's what she was gonna say, wasn't it, honey?" "Oh, Eddie, she's just tired." "Tired, huh?" "She's gonna be dead tired, she's not careful." "Okay, I tried to be a gentleman about this!" "I was gonna take you out to a fancy restaurant." "Let you order é la carte, huh?" "All I wanted was my video on your show... and now you say no." "Okay, that's it." "No more Mr. Nice Guy." "Rock, let's go." "Eddie, you're not gonna do what I think you are?" "Who's gonna stop me?" "[WOOD BREAKING]" "Who's this?" "We didn't order out." "Get him the hell out of here!" "Get him out of here now!" "♪♪♪" "Who the hell is this guy?" "Get in there!" "Break his face, will you?" "[GRUNTING]" "What are you guys waiting for?" "Get going!" "Are you on vacation?" "Move it!" "Get in there!" "[GRUNTS]" "Get going!" "[GASPS]" " Oh, I'm sorry, Miss..." " Angela." "Hee-hee-hee!" "Angela Viracco." "[ANGIE SOBBING AND THUGS GROANING]" "Bums." "I do not think Miss Charles enjoys your company." "It would be best that you leave her alone." "I don't know who you are, pal, but you're in a lot of trouble!" "Hot head needs cool water." "No, no, no!" " No." "No, not the tank!" " No!" "No!" "[SCREAMING]" " Om "No!"" "ANGIE:" "Oh, honey!" "LEROY:" "Come, you will be safe now." "EDDIE:" "Eddie, are you all right?" " Get away from me, you dumb broad!" "But, Eddie, you're all wet!" "Oh, honey." "[MUMBLING]" "Look at this, it's all wet." "You're all wet." "Rock, get this damn thing out of here." "That son of a bitch is history." "♪♪♪" "Oh, God, I can't believe this!" "This is enough to drive you crazy." "You do this kind of thing every day?" "You are too much." "Ha!" "Who are you?" "I am Leroy." "Leroy Green." " It's nice to meet you, Leroy." " Oh, it's nice to meet you." "I need a drink." "Why don't you come inside?" "Miss Charles, there is something you may be able to help me with." "You can call me Laura." "Laura, the other night I lost a medallion and..." "That thing that looks like a belt buckle?" "Belt buckle?" " Is it gold?" " You have it?" "!" "Yeah, I got it." "Why don't you sit down?" "I'll go get it for you." "That is wonderful." "Just promise me that you won't vanish as soon as I give it back to you." "♪ To say goodbye ♪" "♪ Our love is ﬂowing ♪" "Whoo." "♪ Like a river to sea ♪" "♪ I'll wait the day when you marry me ♪" "♪ 'Cause your love is like ♪" "♪ Pure ecstasy ♪" "♪ Ooh, the kind of love ♪" "♪ Means to much to me ♪." "This is so you'll never lose it again." "I am deeply in your debt." "♪ Give me your love ♪" "It is very valuable to me." "♪ Give me your love ♪" "I know what it's like to lose precious things... and then, of course, to find them again." "You thirsty?" "Oh..." "From the clock's chime to the cock's crow is but an instant." "I must go." "Oh, excuse me." "I'm sorry." ""Cock's crow"?" "[SCOFFS]" "♪♪♪" "♪ Sukiyaki hot saki Sue ♪" "[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]" "♪ You saki to me, I saki to you ♪" "♪ Sukiyaki hot saki Sue ♪" "♪ You saki to me, I saki to you ♪" "♪ Hot like saki wine ♪" "♪ Here she stands Smooth and fine ♪" "♪ Looking good And she knows what she's after' ♪" "♪ Watch out for that hook!" "♪" "♪ She baits the line And starts to move in closer ♪" "♪ He takes a step away ♪" "♪ Watch the hook ♪" "♪ She's never missed her target ♪" "♪ Now she can say Huhn!" "♪" "♪ With your bad self, I saki to you!" "♪" "♪ And I can say, ow Good times, huhn ♪" "♪ You saki to me, I saki to you ♪" "♪ Sukiyaki hot saki Sue ♪" "♪ You saki to me, I saki to you ♪" "♪ Sukiyaki hot saki Sue ♪" "♪ You saki to me, I saki to you ♪" "All right!" "[LAUGHS]" " What you looking for?" " For the master." "Ain't no masters here, dude." "Ain't no slaves either." "[LAUGHING]" "Is this not his fortune-cookie factory?" "The master, he doing his wisdom thing." "Ha-ha-ha." "I seek only wisdom of the master." "You want wisdom, you buy fortune cookie." " Take a hike, cool breeze." " Yeah, baby." "Please, I must see the master." " It is very important to me." " Look here, chump." "The master don't see nobody, especially no jive coolies." "He don't see no one who don't know how to get down, baby!" " You dig, bro?" "You too square, man." " Square, dude." "Let me say it so he can understand it, Jim." "[IN STEREOTYPICAL ASIAN VOICE] You go now." "Chop-chop." ""Haulee" ass out of this place." "[IN NORMAL VOICE] Am I saying it right, my man?" "MAN 1:" "That's good." "That's good." "Like, hasta la pasta, you know'?" "Ciao, baby." " Auf Wiedersehen, baby." " Sayonara." "MAN:" "Catch you on the ﬂip-flop." " Sayonara." "[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "SHO'NUFF:" "I was told..." "I could find Leroy Green here!" "I'm Leroy Green." "Who are you?" "Who am I?" "[IN UNISON] Sho'nuff!" "I am the shogun of Harlem... and the Leroy Green I'm looking for... is a little punk that thinks he's a kung fu master." "Oh." " You mean Junior?" " Yeah." " "Junior." Where is he?" "THUG: "Junior"!" "Don't know." "Not sure I'd tell you if I did." "Not sure you'd tell me if you did?" "!" " Wait a minute!" " Leave him alone!" "Please, Mama, hold it!" "Wait a minute!" "Hold it." "I'll take care of it." "Well, how about I leave him a little message, then?" "Tell him when I found out he wasn't here..." "I was all broken up." "Oh, my God, my table!" "What are you doing?" "[ALL LAUGHING]" "Crunch, Beast, Cyclone!" " Do it!" " With pleasure." "MAMA:" "No!" " Hold it, please, fellas!" "No, not that." " Please, don't do that!" " You stop it!" "Mama..." "The walls..." "My shop!" "Oh, God." "[LAUGHING]" "Rah'." "GREEN:" "Don't break the table!" "Go. go!" " Oh..." " Ha-ha-ha." "BEAST:" "I'm gonna kill you!" " Take it easy, honey." "What, are you crazy?" "He's the Beast." "GREEN:" "She only hit you with dough!" "BEAST:" "You gonna die!" "All right, enough is enough!" "Y'all better chill out." " Richie, you stay out of this!" " You better chill out, man!" "I said, chill out!" "[SQUEALS]" "All right, take it easy!" "Please, take it easy." "[POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV]" "[YELLS]" "Tell... ♪ I found 'em, I found 'em ♪" "Who plays this garbage?" "Shut up, bitch!" "That's not even mine!" "I don't own that!" "[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]" "[My]" "Tell that chicken-hearted son of yours... to name the place." "Because now he's got to fight me." "[SNAPS FINGERS]" "Yeah." "[LAUGHING]" "[SHO'NUFF AND THUGS LAUGHING]" "Can I kick?" "Ho-ho." "♪♪♪" "[HORN HONKING]" " Come on." "I got you." " Oh, my God." "Look at him." " Oh, my God." " Sit down." "BOY:" "You all right, Rich?" "GREEN:" "You all right now?" "Look at this." "What the...?" "LEROY:" "What happened?" "Sho'nuff happened, that's what." "And it's all because of you!" "Everyone knows you're scared of him." "Kissed his shoes and everything." "What good is that kung fu jive if you can't even use it?" "Coward." "Why don't you go someplace and meditate on that?" "♪♪♪" "[PUNCHING]" "[LEROY GRUNTING]" "RICHIE:" "Coward." "[YELLS]" "Coward." "Coward." "Chinese GoJu is my secret!" "May God help me if I ever have to use my art!" "Love is our law!" "Truth is our worship!" "Form is our manifestation!" "Conscience is our guide!" "Peace is my shelter." "Peace is my shelter." "Peace is my shelter." "Have to use..." "[DOOR OPENS]" "LAURA:" "Hello?" "Hey." "I don't mean to bother you, but... maybe I should just come back another time, huh?" "Listen, if this is a bad time, you know, I can just..." "Do you know, the strangest things keep happening to me." "I mean, I seem to be attracting the craziest people." "So I thought that maybe it would be a great idea... if I got myself a bodyguard... you know?" "Like, someone to guard my body." "[CHUCKLES]" "Anyway, you seem to be the best qualified." "I mean... a girl could do worse than to have her own real, live kung-fu master." "I am no master." "You sure look like a master to me." "How about it?" "How about what?" "Bodyguard." " Hello?" " Bodyguard?" "Yeah, I want you to be my bodyguard." " Have you heard anything?" " There is much I must do." "I am sorry." "I cannot." "Leroy!" "Leroy!" "Oh." "Yo." "Excuse me." "Heh." " That's okay." " Say... you're Laura Charles." "Forget it." "I will go." "Don't..." " That's okay." " I won't bother you." " It's okay, I was just leaving." " Leaving?" "Please, just give it some thought, okay?" "Wow." "Laura Charles." "Laura Charles." "Just let me know if you change your mind." "I said, I cannot help you." "He can't help you?" "Of course he can help you." "Look at that, he's just..." "Ah." "That's hot." "He's sick." "The boy's..." "All that yoga." "Hi, my name is Johnny Yu." " It's a pleasure to meet you." " Hi, Johnny, it's nice to meet you." "She said it was nice to meet me." "Laura Charles said it was nice to meet me!" "She said it was nice!" "Ha-ha." "She..." "Eh..." "Yeah." "ROCK:" "This is your resume?" " I like the cropping on that picture." "You did the incinerator murder?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I trashed the little lady." "[LAUGHS]" "[SNARLING]" "[BARKING]" "Double?" "Why should you get double what everybody else is getting, huh?" "[SNARLING]" "Beautiful!" "Beautiful!" "Save it!" "Save it." "Give that man anything he wants." "Give him a bone." "Make sure you take out for the table." "♪ You look at me like a new pickup ♪" "♪ You tell the barman, "Fill her up" ♪" "♪ You try to steer me out the door ♪" "♪ But I know what you're cruising for ♪" "♪ You want a test drive ♪" "♪ Whoo, hoo ♪" "♪ You want a test drive ♪" "♪ Whoo, hoo ♪" "♪ You want a free ride down Lovers' lane tonight ♪" "♪ You want a test drive ♪" "♪ Whoo, hoo ♪" "♪ You want a test drive ♪" "All right, that's enough." " Looks terrific, sweetheart." " Yeah?" "Just needs a couple more steps." "And you girls looked great too." "Why don't you take a break and get out of those clothes?" "Here are some quarters." " Go have a good time." "Come on." " Yeah." " Go, go, go." "ANGIE:" "Bye, girls!" " Bye, baby." " Ciao, Angie, baby." "You know, to tell you the truth, Eddie, I'm really getting tired of all this." "I mean, that deejay lady, she's never gonna play our stuff anyway." "She'll see the light... as soon as I get that Leroy character out of the way." "What do you mean, "out of the way"?" "Sweetheart, you should see the talent I got lined up out there." "If this deejay broad don't wise up, she's gonna be dessert." "And it's all for you, sweetheart." "All to make you a star." "Now what do you think of your lover boy, huh?" "All for me?" "All for you, sweetheart." "Well, I mean, if it's really all for me..." "Oh." "Oh, I don't want you to kill anybody." "Are you out of your mind?" "!" "Nobody does what he did to me and lives!" "Nobody!" "You know what I've been thinking, Eddie?" "I think that maybe you're trying to use me to get what you want." "I mean, just like you tried to use Rock, heh." "Yeah, you were gonna make him this big heavyweight champion." "Sure." "Sure, until he lost a fight." "All this glamour and stardom... it's all for you, isn't it, Eddie?" "You know, Angie... a lot of girls out there would like to trade places with you." "Now, if you're unhappy with all of this, why don't you just walk out?" "Go have a nice, normal, boring life." "To tell you the truth, it couldn't be any more boring... than hanging around here... while you guys go play cops and robbers." "Where you gonna go, Angie?" "Without me, you're nothing!" "Without that outfit, you're just another no-talent, school dropout... from Kew Gardens getting by on her tits!" "And in the end, Eddie, you know what?" "You're nothing but a misguided, midget asshole... with dreams of ruling the world!" "Yeah, also from Kew Gardens." "And also getting by on my tits." "Where do you think you're going?" "!" "To elocution class!" "What for?" "[ALL CHEERING]" " Kill him!" "MAN 1:" "Yeah!" "MAN 2:" "Get that son of a..." "MAN 3:" "Yeah!" " Did you see that?" "!" "Sho'nuff is the master!" "Sho'nuff!" "Sho'nuff!" " Number one!" " Can I pick them or what?" "Shut up!" " Am I the meanest?" "!" "CROWD:" "Sho'nuff!" " Am I the prettiest?" " Sho'nuff!" "Am I the baddest mofo lowdown around this town?" "Sho'nuff!" "I can't hear you!" "Sho'nuff!" "Yeah." "CROWD [CHANTING]:" "Sho'nuff!" "Sho'nuff!" "Sho'nuff!" "Keep your money." "You just get that sucker to the designated place... at the designated time... and I will gladly designate his ass... for dismemberment." "Yeah." "Hey." "Well, whatever." "Any way you wanna do it." "It'll certainly be my pleasure, Mr. Nuff." " Yow!" " Put it away." "Come on." " Looking for me?" " Yes." "I mean..." "I thought I wasn't exactly on your favorite persons list." "That is why I came by, to apologize for the way I spoke." "I did not mean it towards you." "Great." "Then you'll be my bodyguard?" "I'd love to, but I must complete a mission first." "A mission?" "You see..." "I am in search of the final level where the spirit takes over... from the mind and guides the body without thought." "Okay." "Listen, you stay right here, okay?" "Don't move." "I'll be back in five minutes." "Don't disappear, okay?" "I'll be right back." "LEROY:" "A great fighter, for instance... might get just his hands to fill with such power... that they would get the glow, which could be deadly in evil hands." "Yet, if these hands belonged to a master..." "Like Bruce Lee." "Yes, exactly!" "Someone who has reached the final level... and could make his whole body glow... the beauty he would be able to create would be without bounds." "Imagine the wonder someone like this can bring to the world." "That's a beautiful dream, Leroy." "Now, I know you're gonna love what I've got to show you at the studio." "What's wrong?" "Calling Leroy." "I am sorry, but it's just..." "What?" "Tell me." "Come on." "You see, I have this friend." " Yeah?" " And he is very shy." "And he came to me for advice." "And I, well..." "It is something I thought you can help me with..." "Him with." "Okay, I'll try." "Tell me about it." "What is it?" "Moves." "Moves?" "You see... my friend, he has never been..." " He likes this girl." " Yeah?" "But he has never been with a woman before." "He does not even have a paintbrush." "Paintbrush?" "He cannot even draw." " Draw?" "What are you talking about?" " You know." "The art of making love." " Moves." " Oh, of course." " I'd love to show you some moves." " No, no, no." "It's not for me." "I said, it is for my friend." "He is the one." "Okay, anything you say." "♪♪♪" "[CHUCKLES]" "Is it not kind of hot in here, Miss Charles?" "I'm telling you, I don't need a contest to win this date because I got juice." "Why don't you just give up?" "Your delusions of grandeur about love with her is just a wet dream." "Don't be no fool, Jack." "Baron Von Rick's got a more direct route to the target." "Watch out the target don't shoot you down." " Why not write her a letter?" " Or make an obscene phone call?" "Because that's as close as you're gonna get." "You two play a game if you want to." "I'm gonna sit right here and wait for her to show up." "And the rap I'm gonna lay on her... is gonna make Romeo seem tongue-tied." "Make her melt like hot butter all over my body!" "Go, Rick." "Ain't nothing gonna stand between me and my destiny... with the sweet lips of Lady Laura." "Wow." "This place is great." "[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]" "♪ Now all the masters know that You need the glow ♪" "♪ You need the glow The glow to grow ♪" "♪ If you love to live You live to love ♪" "♪ You gotta move to the upper level ♪" "♪ When you got the glow ♪" "Fists of Fury!" "Oh, wow." "♪ To reach that upper level Your mind, body and soul must be one ♪" "[YELLING]" "♪ It's a sacrifice it takes hard work ♪" "♪ It's a way of life ♪" "♪ When you got the glow ♪" "♪ You feel the one ♪" "♪ When you got the glow ♪" "♪ Your body's gold So don't let go ♪" "♪ Of the power of elevation ♪" "♪ Shine on ♪" "♪ Shine on ♪" "[YELLING]" "♪ Shine on ♪" "[YELLING]" "That's it, man." "Enough is enough." " I'm gonna go." " Wait a minute!" "Wait!" "Something's going on in here." "JACK:" "You think it's her?" "There's only one way to find out." "Come on!" "JACK:" "What?" "Where are we going?" "[GRUNTS AND TROUSERS RIP]" "Shit!" " Hey." "Wait up, man!" "Wait up!" "RICHIE:" "Forget it, man." "♪ When you got the glow You see it on your face ♪" "♪ You feel it in your head People understand ♪" "♪ That you've got the glow Better beware ♪" "♪ 'Cause the power's there When you got the glow ♪" "♪ Shine on ♪" "♪ Shine on ♪" "♪ Shine on ♪" "Whoo-ooh." "♪ Shine on ♪" "[LAUGHS]" "♪ Well When you reach that upper level ♪" "♪ Your mind, body and soul Will be one ♪" "This is great!" "♪ It's a sacrifice it takes hard work ♪" "♪ It's a way of life ♪" "♪ When you got the glow ♪" "♪ You feel the one ♪" "♪ When you got the glow ♪" "♪ Your body's gold So don't let go ♪" "♪ Of the power of elevation ♪" "♪ 'Cause when you got the glow When you got the glow ♪" "♪ Everybody know And I'm friend and foe ♪" "♪ They'll all beware They'll all beware ♪" "♪ 'Cause they know That you got the power there ♪" "♪ When you got the glow When you got the glow ♪" "♪ They'll all beware They'll all beware ♪" "♪ 'Cause they know, they know They know, they know ♪" "♪ They know you've got the glow The glow, the glow ♪" "I ought to slap that sucker with a suit for alienation of affections!" "If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't know where she was!" " Chocolate-covered yellow peril!" " Chill out, man!" "Wait for me, will you?" "Come on, man, wait for me!" "That sucker better star':" "Sleeping with one eye open." "There's gonna be a serious case of chop-socky justice coming his way." "Maybe you just don't understand him." "If she likes him, he must be doing something right." "Leroy wouldn't even know what to do with that." "JACK:" "Looked like he was doing all right to me." "♪♪♪" "[LAUGHS]" "Wow." "What's that?" "Chinese Connection." "He has disguised himself in order to get... ♪ You feel the one When you got the glow ♪" "Get into the villains' lair!" "♪ It's the power of concentration ♪" "Why did I not think of that before?" "♪ Elevation ♪" "I must go." "[GROANS]" "LAURA:" "Thanks a lot, Bruce!" " Where are you going?" " Back to claim what's mine!" "Leroy?" "Ran out on you, huh?" "Don't cover up for that Ping-Pong playing... chow mein for brains, kung fu head!" "What are you doing up there?" "You come down here before you hurt yourself!" "Now." "Now." "I don't understand what you see in him!" "[CLATTERING]" "Leroy?" "♪♪♪" "We meet again, Miss Charles." "Oh!" "No!" "Let me go!" "Get your hands off my woman!" "I said, get your hands off my woman!" "LAURA:" "Let me go, you big baboon!" " Ha-ha-ha." "♪♪♪" "All right!" "Little Joe, man!" "You pay up, bro!" "This is craps, man!" "You pay me!" "Hey, man, you blind, man?" "The book says "Little Joe"!" " You pay up, blood." " You can't even read the book, blood." "Hey, my man." "What it look like?" "No." "[IN DEEP VOICE] Hey, my man, what it look like?" "[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Hey, my man, what it look like?" "[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey, my man." " What it look like?" " What you want?" "I am the soul brother like no other... to deliver this pizza with bean sprouts." "LU YI:" "Pizza with bean sprouts?" "Yeah, we make anything, dig?" "Just direct-a your feets-a to Daddy Green's pizza." "[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "Now, if you bloods would show me where I can find the master..." "You sure the master ordered this pizza?" "The man himself." "You're going to release his beast if it gets cold out here." "Buddy, I'm gonna rip your face off." " No, no." "Wait, wait, wait!" "It's okay." " "Okay"?" "HU YI:" "You the same fool that came dressed as a coolie?" "No, no, no." "We all just look alike." "My man." "Brother." "[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "Yo, bro!" "[ALL CHUCKLING]" "My man, the master, he split, you know?" " Split?" " Yeah, he's not here." "So why don't you chill out with us?" "Smoke a little herb." "Sip a little wine, huh?" "Oh, no, I had too much already." "Soul brother!" " Soul brother!" " All right." "You know how to shoot craps?" " Craps?" " Craps!" "Craps!" "Oh, yeah, craps." " All right!" "HU YI:" "All right!" "Right on!" "Mr. Leroy?" "[CHUCKLES]" "[IN SINGSONG VOICE] Mr. Leroy?" "[IN NORMAL VOICE] Are you in here?" " Yah!" " Aaah!" "Sorry, miss, I didn't mean to scare you that bad." "Oh, that's all right." "Is Mr. Leroy here?" "No, he's not here, but... how about something in a medium-sized Oriental?" "No, thanks." "Ha-ha." "I'm not Jewish." "Oh..." "Wow." "Oh." "Is this where he does all that stuff?" "Oh, yeah, I do it too." "[YELLING]" "Oh!" "Ha-ha-ha." "Oh, that's really wonderful!" "YEP" "Well, you see, I'm on my way back to..." " ..." "Kew Gardens." " Oh." "You gotta tell Mr. Leroy that... he better stay away from Seventh Heaven." "Why?" "Because of my former producer, associate... and boyfriend, Eddie Arkadian." "He's gone crazy." "Tonight's show is conceived... written, produced, directed and starring..." "Eddie Arkadian!" "Tonight, we make show-biz history..." "[ECHOING] ...my way!" "Whoo-hoo!" "We're getting funky to the smooth, cool sounds of Fast Eddie A!" "♪ I want you, I need you ♪" "♪ I love you I'm giving you everything ♪" "♪ I crumble at your touch and ♪" "What's that?" "Fire." "♪ You've got me Burning hot with desire ♪" "♪ I feel my temperature rising higher ♪" "[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]" "♪ Higher and higher ♪" "♪ And, baby, fire ♪" "♪ Keep the flame Burning love ♪" "Who is she?" "Charlene." "[ROCK LAUGHING]" "♪ I feel the passion in my soul ♪" "She got a manager?" "ROCK:" "I don't know." "Fire!" "Whoo!" "This is sure one strange game of craps, soul brother." " Oh, yeah." "LEROY:" "Hey." "This is how we play in Harlem." "You want to play like soul brother number-one?" " Yeah!" "Oh, yeah." " Oh, yeah." " You play like this." " All right, I'm sorry." "Now it is your turn." " Do not step on the line." " Right." "My man." " Right on!" "HU-YI:" "Right on." " Nine." " That's nine." "Two, three, five." "Right?" "[CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]" "HU YI:" "Turkey!" " Oh, shit." " You turkey." "What time is it?" " Where is the master?" " "Master"?" "Heh, heh." "Looks like my man forgot about his pizza." " I must see him now." " No, no, no." "The wise one never sees nobody." "He will see me." " I have this." " What you got?" "Whoo!" "Hey, check this out!" "It's nice." "I like that." "[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "Okay, here, come with me." "I will see him now?" " Yeah, come on." "Sure." " Yeah." "Just wait here." "[MEN LAUGHING]" "[ALL LAUGHING]" "Where is the master?" "!" "I want to see him now!" "Please, please, please!" "There is no master!" " You lie!" " No, it's true!" "We made him up to sell more fortune cookies!" " Tell him!" " It's true." " Please!" "I'll show you!" " Show him." " Over here." "I'll show you." "LU YI:" "Yeah, show him!" "Show him, show him!" "This is Sum Dum Goy." "♪♪♪" "[DOOR BANGS]" "Why?" "!" "Why, master?" "Why have you sent me on a journey to find someone who does not exist?" "Why?" "So you have not found the master that you seek." "There is no Sum Dum Goy." "He is a computer." "[CHUCKLES]" "Why have you done this to me?" "Here." "It contains everything you need... to find your way to the golden glow." "[LAUGHS]" "Think, Leroy." "You have just opened a fortune cookie without a fortune... written by a master who does not exist... to find the solution to a problem... whose answer you already know." "And this?" "You needed a charm." "A true master would use this to hold up his pants." "[LAUGHS]" "[CLATTERING]" "Enough." "There is one place that you have not yet looked." "And it is there, only there... that you shall find the master." "Now, if you will excuse me, my plane leaves shortly." "You are going on a quest for knowledge?" "No, I'm going to visit my mother in Miami." "♪♪♪" "JOHNNY:" "Leroy!" "Leroy!" "Are you actually gonna fight them?" "Well, you..." "You can't be serious!" "Leroy, I never would've told you if I thought you'd actually go there." "Oh, what are you, nuts?" "You're not going all alone, are you?" "Are you?" "All right, then." "Then I'm going with you." "If you go, I go!" "Okay." "Okay?" "Do you plan to fight with only your bare hands?" "Do you not need a weapon?" "Weapon, right!" "Uh..." "Hey!" "Hey, Leroy!" "What are you doing?" "This isn't funny, Leroy!" "Johnny, I am sorry." "I must do this alone." "Leroy?" "Leroy, come back here!" "Leroy, come back here!" "Leroy!" "I'm afraid of the dark!" "[OVER SPEAKERS] ♪ 'Cause I've got an upset stomach ♪" "♪ From a broken heart ♪" "♪ A tear stained pillow From my crying eyes ♪" "♪ A migraine headache That just won't go away ♪" "Ah... ♪ 'Cause I've got an upset stomach From a broken heart ♪" "Leroy." "Leroy!" "Leroy!" " Gag her!" "ROCK:" "Right, boss." "[WHIMPERING]" "[MUSIC STOPS]" "[CHUCKLES]" "[BANGING]" "JOHNNY:" "Oh!" "Come on!" "The key." "Wait." "Okay!" "Put the key in the latch and turn it!" " Okay, I'm trying!" " Well, try harder!" "Okay!" " Okay, you can come out now!" " Ah!" "Come on, let's go!" "Where are we going?" "We already missed the second show." " Would you just come on?" " Okay!" "[OVER SPEAKERS] Leroy!" "Leroy!" "[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]" "Welcome... to my little party in your honor, Leroy." "♪♪♪" "[LAUGHING]" "The guest list has been compiled... so that you go out in style." "[EDDIE CHUCKLES]" "You don't mind if my friends introduce themselves, do you, Leroy?" "Then let the games..." ""begin!" "[EDDIE LAUGHS]" "♪♪♪" "[GRUNTING AND YELLING]" "EDDIE:" "Bravo, Leroy!" "I'm gonna whack this guy and get it over with now!" "Give me that thing!" "Goddamn it, take that off!" "I said, take it off!" "You gotta ruin everything!" "The time, money, the energy I've spent!" "Get it off!" "Get the broad!" "Attaboy, Leroy!" "You're a bunch of wusses, you know that'?" " Wah!" " More volume!" "[YELLS]" "Ha-ha-ha." "All right!" "Way to go, Goliath!" "Go for it, boys!" "Give him a lick!" "[BOYS YELLING]" "♪♪♪" "♪ Inside you♪" "♪ For you can bring the power To survive your darkest hour ♪" "♪ 'Cause you are a dragon ♪" "[YELLING]" "Go, Johnny!" "[JOHNNY YELLING]" "[YELLING CONTINUES]" "Come on!" "Will you make it interesting?" "Good!" "That's one for you!" "Johnny!" "Are you all right?" "JOHNNY:" "Oh, shit!" "♪♪♪" "[YELLING]" "EDDIE:" "Come on!" "Come on, young buck!" " Who, me?" "TAI:" "Johnny!" "EDDIE:" "Come on, you miserable slob!" "God, what a slug!" "LEROY:" "You got it, Johnny!" "[TRILLING]" "[YELLING]" "Move out." "Come on." "Plan B. Let's go!" "Move out!" "Come on." "Let's get the hell out of here!" "Go, 90- go" " Come on, will you?" " Move it." "Move!" "Come on." "EDDIE:" "Leroy!" "This way!" "[LAUGHS]" "[YELLING]" "EDDIE:" "Hey, Leroy!" "That was almost worth the price of admission in there!" "And to think, the featured act is yet to come!" "Come on, Leroy!" "[BOTH LAUGHING]" "Psst!" "Bozo, you go that way." "Just go." "Come on, come on." "[LAURA WHIMPERING]" "Holy shit." "Let her go, or next time I will not miss." "[GUNSHOT]" "Next time, I won't miss either!" "Got you now, you little punk." "[GROANING]" "You'll never use that again!" "Ow!" "[RICHIE GRUNTING]" " Come on." " Leroy!" "Let me go!" " Get off me!" " Leroy!" "Let him go." "Anything you say!" "[SHO'NUFF LAUGHS]" "LEROY:" "Richie." "[GRUNTING AND YELLING]" "Richie." "Richie." "Let me at him." " Let me at him." "I'll save you, Laura!" " Are you all right?" "Of course I'm all right." "I gotta save Laura." "You are not going anywhere." " Leroy, I wanna help!" " No." " I've got to save Laura!" " You'll be safe here." "Leroy, I gotta save Laura!" "I was doing all right till the guy got the drop on me!" "Leroy!" "Leroy!" "Come on, man!" "Leroy!" "You warmed up yet?" "[GRUNTS]" "Yeah." "RICHIE:" "Come on, Leroy, let me out!" "Leroy!" "Be careful." "There's nothing like this on stage, screen, radio, TV, or cable, baby!" "This is an exclusive!" "♪♪♪" "Get him, get him!" "Come on, hit him!" "[BOTH GRUNTING]" "There, nigga, please!" "[SHO'NUFF LAUGHS]" "Duck, Leroy!" "You can't do that to my brother!" " Get him, Leroy!" " Yeah." "Ha-ha-ha." "That's the way!" "Get him, Leroy!" "Get him!" "All right, come on." "Stings a little, don't it?" "Come on, Leroy." "You can run, but you can't hide." "Mm-hm." "[LEROY YELLS]" "[SHO'NUFF GROANING]" "[SIGHS]" "SHO'NUFF:" "Leroy!" "♪♪♪" "Yeah." "Playtime's over, boy." "[LAURA WHIMPERING]" "♪ Take life one day at a time ♪" "Yeah." "♪ That's what a wise man said to me ♪." "Ain't this beautiful, huh?" "I love it." "I love it." "This is theater!" "[BOTH YELLING AND GRUNTING]" "♪ Is the ultimate test for you and me ♪" "[GRUNTS]" "Now... when I say:" ""Who's the master?"..." "You say." ""Sho'nuff."" "Who's the master?" "[YELLS]" "♪ It's time to leave the nest Where you were born ♪" "We need a better view." "Come on, ringside seats!" "[SHO'NUFF GRUNTING]" "♪ There's a glow deep inside you An inner strength' ♪" "Now, I'm gonna ask you one more time." "Who is the master, huh?" "Huh?" "Wait a minute, sweetheart!" "Wait." "I love you." "You stay here." "Who's the master?" "!" "I can't hear you, Leroy!" "Drown him, for chrissake!" "Will you drown him?" "!" "[GASPING]" "Who is the master?" "!" "I said, who's the master?" "!" "I can't hear you." "Who is the master?" "!" "There is one place that you have not looked." "And it is there, only there... that you shall find the master." "You sure look like a master to me." "[GROWLING]" "All right, Leroy, who's the one and only master?" "I am." "[YELLS]" " No!" " I am." "What the...?" "Oh, shit!" "Oh." "Goddamn!" " Let me go!" "Let me go!" " Ha-ha-ha." "[GRUNTING]" "♪ The journey now before you ls the final test ♪" "♪ You've learned your lesson well ♪" "Holy shit." "♪ I can teach you no more ♪" "♪ There's a power deep inside you ♪" "Okay, come on." "♪ You'll find in time of need ♪" "[YELLING]" "♪ You are the Last Dragon ♪" "♪ You possess the power of the glow ♪" "♪ You are the Last Dragon ♪" "♪ You posess the power of the glow ♪" "♪ You are the Last Dragon ♪" "♪ You posess the power of the glow ♪" "♪ You are the Last Dragon ♪" "♪ You posess the power of the glow ♪" "I applaud you, Leroy." "That's a great finish." "Not the ending I had in mind, but it's a great finish." "You see, a .45 will put an end to all this kung fu crap." "All it takes is one little bullet." "So take your final bows, scum sucker." "[SCREAMS]" "RICHIE:" "Leroy!" "LAURA:" "Oh, my God, no!" "[SOBBING]" "[LAUGHING]" "[LAURA SOBBING]" "♪♪♪" "♪ You are, you are ♪." " Whoa!" " Get on him, Leroy!" "Go, Leroy!" "Get him, Leroy!" "Get him!" "Drown that sucker!" "EDDIE:" "What?" "!" "No!" "Oh, God, no!" " All right!" " No, wait!" "No!" "Jesus!" "No, listen!" "I've never seen anything like that." "I mean anything." "No, wait!" "Listen, we can make a deal!" "We could make money!" "You get foreign rights..." "I'll take domestic." "What do you say?" "Wait." "[SIRENS APPROACHING]" "You can have both, foreign and domestic!" "Just give me a finder's fee!" "Okay, all right, no finder's fee." "You can have the whole thing!" "WOMAN:" "Let me pass." "We've got a television show to do." " Excuse me." " Laura, where have you been?" "We've been looking all over for you." "You're late." "How can I have her ready on time?" "Look at you." "You're a mess." "I don't have the right tools with me." "Richie." "Where'd he go?" "Where have you guys been?" "!" "Listen, I'd like to report a mugging." "My friend and I, Mr. Nuff, we were minding our own business." "We were assaulted by these hoodlums!" "We're lucky to be alive!" "Save it, Arkadian!" "You're going up for good this time!" "EDDIE:" "Never!" "WOMAN:" "Come on." "You're due in the studio." "Let's go." "♪ That you need the glow You need the glow, the glow to grow ♪" "♪ If you love to live, you live to love You got to move to the upper level ♪" "♪ 'Cause when you got the glow ♪" "♪ There ain't no stopping What you want to do ♪" "♪ To reach that upper level ♪" "♪ Your mind, body and soul Must be one ♪" "♪ It's a sacrifice it takes hard work ♪" "♪ It's a way of life ♪" "♪ When you got the glow ♪" "♪ You feel the one When you got the glow ♪" "♪ Your body's gold So don't let go ♪" "♪ Of the power of elevation ♪" "♪ Shine on ♪" "Ready for commercial." "[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]" "♪ Shine on ♪" "Could you teach me some moves?" "!" "[ALL LAUGHING]" "Yo, man, check out the cornball!" "He ain't no cornball!" "He's my brother and he's the master." "♪♪♪" "♪ How you please me ♪" "♪ I think that this might be What I've been dreamin' of♪" "♪ I don't know what it is But people call it love ♪" "♪ I wonder if they really know ♪" "♪ Did you do this just to please me?" "♪" "♪ I never knew that anything Could feel so good ♪" "♪ I guess I've wasted lots of time ♪" "♪ And if I could ♪" "♪ I'd spend it all again with you ♪" "♪ I love you Love you ♪" "♪ For all the ways you taught me How to be myself ♪" "♪ For all the ways you made it clear That no one else ♪" "♪ Can touch me quite the way you do ♪" "♪ Like my first time on a Ferris wheel ♪" "♪ The view from up here ls so clear and real ♪" "♪ The sense of falling fast is all that I can feel ♪" "♪ And yet I want to keep on flying ♪" "♪ Now I see how lonely I have been ♪" "♪ All that I needed Was a lover who's a friend ♪" "♪ Your eyes can help me Find the answers within ♪" "♪ The light of truth is in there shining ♪" "♪♪♪" "♪ Inside you That's where the script begins ♪" "♪ Inside you That's where the film has been ♪" "♪ For you can bring the power To survive your darkest hour ♪" "♪ 'Cause you are a dragon ♪" "♪ You're a dragon ♪" "♪ You'll survive it ♪" "♪ You'll survive ♪" "♪ You're a dragon ♪" "♪♪♪" "♪ When you got the glow You feel the one ♪" "♪ When you got the glow Your body's gold ♪" "♪ So don't let go ♪" "♪ Of the power of elevation ♪" "♪ 'Cause when you got the glow When you got the glow ♪" "♪ Everybody know And I'm friend and foe ♪" "♪ They'll all beware They'll all beware ♪" "♪ 'Cause they know That you got the power there ♪" "♪ When you got the glow When you got the glow ♪" "♪ They'll all beware, they'll all beware ♪" "♪ 'Cause they know, they know♪" "♪ They know, they know You got the glow, the glow ♪" "♪♪♪" "♪ To the beat of the rhythm of the night Dance until the morning light ♪" "♪ Forget about the worries on your mind You can leave them ali behind ♪" "♪ To the beat of the rhythm of the night Dance until the morning light ♪" "♪ Forget about the worries On your mind ♪" "♪ To the beat of the rhythm of the night ♪" "♪ Forget about the worries On your mind ♪" "♪ To the beat of the rhythm of the night ♪" "♪ Forget about the worries On your mind ♪" "♪♪♪" "♪ The journey now before you ls the final test♪" "♪ You've learned your lesson well ♪" "♪ I can teach you no more ♪" "♪ There's a power deep inside you An inner strength ♪" "♪ You'll find in time of need ♪" "♪ The glow ♪" "♪ You are the Last Dragon ♪" "♪ You posess the power of the glow ♪" "♪ You are the Last Dragon ♪" "♪ You posess the power of the glow ♪" "♪ You are, you are ♪" "♪ You are the Last Dragon ♪" "♪ You posess the power of the glow ♪" "♪ You are the Last Dragon ♪" "♪ You posess the power of the glow ♪"