"* He's just a young boy *" "* Lookin' for a way to find love *" "* It isn't easy *" "* Nothin' you can say will help him *" "* Find love *" "* He's got to do it *" "* For himself *" "* And it can take so long *" "* He's just a young boy *" "* Lookin' for a way to find love *" "* Find love *" "* A perfect combination *" "* Find love *" "* Whatever you do *" "* Find love *" "* A cause for celebration *" "* And it might come lookin' *" "* Lookin' *" "* Come lookin' for you *" "* Yeah *" "* Find love *" "* In any situation *" "* Find love *" "* Whatever you do *" "* Find love *" "* A cause for celebration *" "* And it might come lookin' *" "* Lookin' *" "* Come lookin' for you *" "* He doesn't need *" "* Another helping hand from someone *" "* But don't you think *" "* He doesn't understand what he wants *" "* Someone *" "* Though independence means a lot *" "* He's got to still be strong *" "* He's just a young boy *" "* Lookin' for a way to find love *" "* Yeah *" "* Find love *" "* A time for meditation *" "* Find love *" "* A source of inspiration *" "* Find love *" "* Instead of confrontation *" "* Find love *" "* And love will come *" "* Lookin' for you *" "I think that would be excellent lawyering on your part." "So, what do you think, about 90 cents on the dollar?" "Jack?" "90 cents on the dollar." "I think that would be fair." "Uh, yeah." "Let's do this after lunch, ok?" "So how long has it been?" "17 years." "Wow." "Wow." "Hello." "Yeah." "Hmm!" "I suppose you're married now, huh?" "Yeah. 8 years." "Oh." "Yep, 4 years for the first wife, 3 years for the second wife, and this one a year so far." "How about you?" "Yeah, I married soon after we broke up." "Really?" "Mm-hmm." "Any kids?" "No." "No, no, no." "Not for me." "And you?" "Uh, yeah." "A son." "Scott." "He's 16." "Wow." "He's yours." "Is that a joke?" "Oh, no." "He's your son." "My son?" "Yes." "I just never said anything because by the time" "I found out I was pregnant, we had broken up, and I was in love with Bob, my husband." "I married him and... he thinks Scott is his." "How do you know that he isn't?" "Well, I know." "I know." "I did the math." "Well, not to demean your math skills, but don't you think we should do this the right way?" "You know, blood tests, DNA." "And why are you telling me now after all of this time, by the way?" "Scott ran away 2 weeks ago." "Bob..." "The husband?" "Yeah." "Scott and Bob had a terrible fight." "Bob kept saying he'd be back, but it's-- it's been 2 weeks, and we haven't..." "Do you have any idea where he went?" "No." "He ran away with this girl he was seeing" "Nikki Trainor." "Her parents are divorced." "Her father lives in San Francisco." "He... works in a towing service." "Tip-Top Towing." "Tip-Top Towing?" "Well, when we called, he wouldn't even speak to us." "He wouldn't even speak to the police." "Do you have a picture?" "Of Scotty?" "Yeah." "Oh." "You can see the resemblance, right?" "Well, it's the wrong expression." "When he smiles, he's you." "Do you have a picture of him smiling?" "Well, sorry." "I..." "I... wish there was something or anything that I could do." "You can find him." "Me?" "I don't find people." "I sue them." "To whom it may concern." "For years I've thought about killing myself" "It's the only thing that's kept me going-- but something always held me back." "My writing." "Good-bye... my life's work." "Au revoir, oeuvre." "Ciao, caca." "2 bullets should be enough." "Aah!" "Hello." "Who's this?" "Collette?" "Collette Richard?" "Oh, my God." "How are you?" "Oh, me?" "Oh, I'm not bad." "Tomorrow?" "Well, you know, I made no plans." "It's one face." "Oh." "I have a son." "Oh, God." "Dale..." "Ohh..." "I'm ok." "Just tell me about Scotty." "When can I see him?" "Dale, Scott is missing." "My son is missing?" "We think he's up here." "Here in San Francisco?" "Since you live here, and you were always so understanding..." "Oh, psychic sometimes." "But you really seem to have a full plate." "Collette..." "I know I seem a little... fuzzy... but I can focus." "Let me try this." "I can do it." "My son needs me." "Don't you worry, Scotty." "Daddy's coming." "Why didn't somebody call me before I left Los Angeles?" "Because we didn't know, Jack." "My client showed up here 20 minutes ago then said his cast was too tight." "He was in terrible pain, and he had to go home." "Terrible pain." "It's true." "He'll be all right by tomorrow." "Yes, but I am here today." "I know." "I'm sorry." "Rose will book you into a hotel overnight." "Where do you like to stay?" "My house, but it's in Los Angeles." "Hello." "Jack:" "Hi, honey." "Oh, what's wrong?" "Yeah, we have a little problem." "I have to stay over tonight." "I'm sorry." "You gonna be ok?" "Yeah, I'll be fine." "I'm just taking care of stuff around the house." "All right." "I'll call you later." "Bye." "Ok, bye." "Ok, let's see." "Do you have a phone book?" "Hi, Scott..." "I'm your dad." "Hi, Scotty." "Oh!" "Good firm handshake." "Scotty, how ya doin'?" "Dude, I'm your old man." "I suppose you're wondering why your middle name is Rainbow." "Yo, Scott." "What's up, homes?" "You know, Scott, when I was a boy your age," "I was pulling on myself harder than a tractor pull in Arkansas." "* I'm your papa *" "* Your daddy *" "* Your pal *" "* You got to care for me, you see?" "*" "I am your father." "Hug me... and let us join our spirits." "Mr Trainor?" "What?" "Hi, my name is Jack Lawrence." "So?" "So, I was hoping that maybe you could help me with something." "Have you seen this boy?" "This again." "Who are you?" "I'm, uh..." "I'm his father." "Well, what are you bothering me for?" "I already talked to your wife on the phone." "Oh, no." "She's not my wife." "She--she's--listen, that's not even the point." "The point is I don't know anything, so get lost." "When was the last time that you saw him?" "Look, I'm tired of this bullshit, all right?" "Now, just get the hell out of here." "I'll get it." "Hello?" "Give me that." "No, he can't." "He's in a meeting." "What is wrong with you?" "Hello?" "Listen, he can't speak right now." "No, he's having a lot of trouble with his testicles." "I will tell him." "Bye." "That was your mother on the phone." "Come on, now." "There you go." "You're gonna be ok." "Sit there." "All right." "All right." "All right." "Ok." "Come on." "Everything's gonna be ok." "What were we talking about?" "You know, I just-- oh, right, right, right." "Your daughter and my son." "Yeah, um..." "All right, they were here with a bunch of other kids." "Good." "Good." "And?" "And now they're gone." "And where did they go?" "Nikki said something about trying to get money from my ex-wife and..." "And she would be?" "The lady that runs the marina in Tiberon." "What's her name, Bosco?" "Shirley." "Shirley's marina." "Shirley's marina in Tiberon." "Thank you very, very much." "Oh, excuse me." "Mr Trainor?" "No, that's not me." "Oh, no?" "Uh, he's in there." "Oh, thank you." "Ok." "Ok." "Sheesh." "Hey, can I get a cab out front?" "Oh, yeah." "Hey, nice shot." "Thanks a lot." "Mr Trainor?" "Yeah?" "I hope I'm not catching you at an inconvenient moment." "Ahem." "I won't waste an extra minute of your valuable time." "Have you seen this handsome boy?" "Who--who are you?" "Isn't it obvious?" "I'm his father." "I understand that, uh, he and your daughter are, shall we say, an item." "Oh, they grow up so fast, don't they?" "I mean, one minute, there you're going "Who's the little boy?"" "And the next minute he's banging your little girl." "May I sit down?" "Sure." "So, how many fathers does this kid have?" "Oh..." "No." "I see." "No, the man you met is not the real father." "I'm the real father." "See, it's a long story." "17 years ago, we were biking through the wine" "The mother and I were, you know, biking through the wine country." "It began to rain a little" "Please, you answer the phone." "I'll finish my story after." "Ow!" "What the" "Wait!" "I'm sorry!" "Get the hell out of here!" "What's that all about?" "!" "Oh!" "My God!" "That man is insane!" "He just bludgeoned me with a phone for no reason!" "He's a bad guy." "Are you ok?" "I don't know." "Is there blood?" "No." "Good." "I was just telling him this lovely story about me and a girl biking through the wine country." "Hey, those stories aren't for everybody, pal." "I guess not." "I have to talk to him, though." "I'm trying to find my son." "Your son?" "Yeah." "He ran away." "Your son ran away?" "Yeah." "So did mine." "How richly bizarre." "They could be together." "You think so?" "He said there's a whole group of them." "Dale Putley." "Jack Lawrence." "Do you know where Tiberon is?" "Jack:" "Dale, I feel like I'm in a white Bronco." "Dale:" "I'm sorry." "I just get anxious driving over bridges." "That's because you're going 11 miles an hour." "I'm going 25 miles an hour, Jack." "Yeah, I can feel the g-force." "What?" "Son" "Calm down." "I'm ok." "It's just all these people." "I don't like a lot of people or a lot of cars." "What do you do for a living?" "Well..." "I teach English as a third language at the Jewish Community Centre." "Excuse me!" "I'm really sort of a... writer at large." "I write and perform poetry and plays." "Things from my soul." "Ah." "Really?" "Yeah." "But it's avant-garde." "Very experimental." "You mean like with guinea pigs and-- you're not a mime, are you, because I..." "I used to be." "Oh, you did?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "Well, what?" "No, please." "Nothing." "Just..." "Oh, no, no." "Tell me." "It's ok." "I can..." "I hate them." "I see the mime on the street, I want to kick him in the face, I'll tell you." "Really?" "You should talk to somebody about that, Jack." "They're annoying." "Really?" "If I go out shopping or something, he's got a balloon, it's like" "What do you do?" "And I just want to smack him." "What do I do?" "I'm a lawyer." "Bloodsucker." "Uh, I'm sorry." "What?" "I didn't hear what you said." "Right here." "The throat." "Sorry." "Dale?" "What?" "You missed the exit." "Oh, I what?" "All this pithy conversation, and we missed the exit." "You have to go off and come back around." "Ohh..." "Oh." "Oh." "Dale!" "What are you doing?" "!" "What was that?" "!" "Oh!" "I'm sorry." "I turn around, and you blacked out!" "I'm sorry." "What was that?" "!" "In crisis situations," "I have these anxiety attacks, and I hyperventilate, and I pass out for a moment." "Sorry." "I'm back." "Whew." "Jack:" "So have you been driving long?" "About 30 years now." "Oh, listen, these things take time." "Here." "Pull in here." "Yeah, brake, brake, br" "Perfect." "Anchovies." "I gave you the shrimp, right?" "Yeah." "Here are the pile worms." "Gentlemen, have a good time." "Catch some fish." "Mrs Trainor?" "Yes." "Hi, my name is Jack Lawrence." "Can I talk to you for just a moment?" "Yeah, yeah." "Listen, Pepe, don't start on that till I get over there, ok?" "I'm Dale Putley." "How do you do?" "Shirley:" "Fine." "What do you want?" "It's about your daughter Nikki." "Dale:" "Your ex-husband told us to talk to you." "Oh, God." "What'd she do now?" "Oh, we're not looking for Nikki." "We're trying to find our 2 boys." "Yeah, we think that they're moving in your daughter's social circle." "Listen to me." "I don't know where Nikki is." "Frankly, I don't want to know." "But we're..." "How'd you get her husband to talk?" "I head-butted him in the face." "How Joe Pesci of you." "What are you gonna do with her, run her tits through the Visa machine?" "Hey, listen, how about crying again?" "Me?" "Yeah." "It might reach her maternal thing." "Cry just like that?" "You cried when we missed the exit." "Don't mock me." "Listen, Chip" "Dale." "Dale." "You're an actor, right?" "You're a performer." "Let's make believe that it's a play" "A very sad play." "A tragic play." "You're a tragic hero." "You're..." "You're Lou Gehrig." "Who's that?" "Lou Gehrig." "Lou Gehrig." "Everybody knows Lou Gehrig." "The baseball player." "He died of Lou Gehrig's Disease." "Wow." "What are the odds on that?" "Oh, boy." "Here's what I need:" "I need tears, and I need them quickly." "She's gonna come back." "Come on." "I'll try." "Do it." "Just need to find something personal from my past." "At the actor's studio, they call it sense memory." "Wow." "Ok." "Ok." "Come on." "That's nice." "Good." "Wow." "That's fantastic." "What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "I'm at my grandmother's funeral." "Well, sorry I wasn't there." "Oh, it was great." "Jack:" "Cut it out." "She's here." "Why are you still here?" "Well..." "What's wrong with him?" "Him?" "He's..." "He's upset." "He's distraught." "Crying?" "Crying?" "He's weeping." "Why?" "Why?" "It's his son." "His son is his life." "His whole life." "You know, we come here looking for help, and you with your big city ways, you crush his last hope of ever finding him again." "Y-yeah-ha-ha." "Ow... my boy, my boy." "I don't know." "Come on, you're ripping his heart out." "Listen, my daughter could get into trouble." "No, no." "We'll keep it private." "Strictly in the family." "Yeah, from one parent to another." "To another." "Whew." "They're probably with Sugar Ray." "The boxer?" "No, it's a rock band." "Nikki and some of the other kids travel all over following them around." "Dale:" "They're in San Francisco then?" "Where are they playing?" "They were, and then Nikki came over a couple days ago and said she was taking off to Sacramento." "They're playing a club called, uh, The Temple." "The Temple?" "Yes." "In Sacramento." "Sugar Ray." "Thank you very, very much." "You're welcome." "Thank you." "Look, if you see Nikki, tell her to call me if she needs anything." "At the risk of sounding a little pretentious," "I want to share with you a line from one of my unproduced plays." "Oh, no." ""The amazing thing about a parent's love" ""is that something so large can so often go unseen."" "That's beautiful." "Thank you." "Look, what do they look like, your sons?" "If they were with Nikki, I probably met them." "Do you have a picture?" "Yeah." "I have a picture." "Yeah, I did." "There he is." "Shirley:" "Well, he's handsome." "Thank you." "This is my guy." "What is this, a joke?" "Scott." "Scott." "That bitch!" "That bitch!" "Hello?" "Jack:" "Collette?" "Aah!" "Guess who." "Yes, that's right." "Guess where I am." "No, I'm in San Francisco." "And guess who I'm with." "Oh, God." "I'll give you a hint." "Don't do that!" "She got it in a second." "Wasn't even a pause." "Oh, thank you." "What the hell is going on, huh?" "How could you do this?" "How could you tell us both the same story?" "Oh, I'm so hurt!" "It's not a story." "Collette, who is the father?" "Is it me, Bob, or..." "Dale!" "Dale?" "Look, the truth is I don't know, ok?" "I knew all 3 of you then." "Any of you could be his father." "Please, just find him." "I mean, find him, and we can settle it later." "Oh, that really helps." "Good-bye." "What did she say?" "She said she's not sure." "You don't know who Scott's father is?" "When did you meet her?" "At a baseball game." "Mm-hmm." "You?" "Up here at Berkeley." "Ahh, Collette." "Oh, that accent." "Mmm." "Mouth." "I tell you, she was just so..." "Stimulating." "The first date..." "I just stared at her the whole night." "She was that stunning." "In the moonlight, with that skin." "I didn't even touch her." "I took nude photographs of her." "She posed nude for you?" "Yeah." "It was photography class." "It was extra credit." "Wow." "All she ever did for me was have sex." "Mmm." "We did that, too, but I've got some negatives." "Wow." "It was Berkeley." "You know." "I took nude pictures of her, she took nude pictures of me." "Her roommate took nude pictures of the both of us." "Then I took nude pictures of her and her roommate wrestling on a slip-n-slide, coming at me like..." "Enjoy." "Francene?" "Mm-hmm?" "Excuse me, but, um, this has cheese on it." "It's better with cheese." "I'm not conducting a poll." "You see, I can't digest this." "Cheese is no longer my friend." "If I eat this, it's gonna be bad for me, and pretty much everybody else on this side of the room, so could you give me another one?" "Francene." "Mm-hmm?" "Can you also take this one, and wrap both of them to go, ok?" "Oh, and the check." "Francene:" "Nothing would give me greater pleasure." "Thank you." "Dale, where am I going?" "Sacramento, where our son is." "No, you don't understand." "We don't know what's going on." "She keeps telling us different stories." "Why are we running off there?" "We don't know who the real father is." "We won't know unless we go there and find out for ourselves." "Francene:" "Thank you." "Thank you, Francene." "* Pick it up, pick it up *" "* Pick it up, pick it up *" "Aah!" "What is the matter?" "Will you do me a favour?" "Will you look back there and see if there's a dead body in the road?" "What?" "Please." "No, there's nothing there." "There's not a body lying in the road?" "A what?" "A body." "No." "Nothing there." "Oh, good." "I often think that I've run someone over." "* But now I'll be on MTV *" "* A magazine like Seventeen *" "* Or Rolling Stone or Mother Jones *" "* Put it in my pocket *" "* And my pic's on your t-shirt, yeah *" "I hope he's here." "Don't worry, Jack." "Let me be your guide." "I know this world." "Oh, yeah?" "Sorry." "Excuse me." "Sorry." "Thanks." "Excuse me." "Let's split up." "No, Jack." "No, no, no." "You'll be fine." "You go that way, I'll go this way." "No, Jack" "Just ask if they've seen Scott." "Ask if I've seen Scott." "Ok." "Ok?" "Excuse me!" "Pardon me!" "Excuse me, have you seen this boy?" "Um..." "Have you seen this boy?" "No." "No." "Have you--ohh!" "Oh, my God!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "I'm sorry." "You all right?" "No, I'm not all right." "Will you get it off?" "All right." "It was an accident." "Ow!" "My nose!" "Ow!" "I'm sorry." "Dale:" "Hello?" "Have you seen a young man named Scott?" "He's my son!" "Perfect." "Have you seen this boy?" "You guys want him?" "Oh, no!" "Aah!" "Oh, Jack!" "Oh, Jack." "All right, stop it." "That's him!" "That's Scott!" "My boy!" "Get the gate!" "Turn around, guys." "Oh, no, excuse me, Mr Humongous, but we've got to get back to that boy." "Turn around!" "Private area!" "Hey, listen, let's make it a semi-private area." "I really have to get back there." "Don't make me have to hurt you, old man." "Old man." "Old man?" "Old man." "Come here, let me tell you something." "What's that?" "Let's go." "What?" "Let's go." "Come on." "Oh, my God!" "Ohh!" "Oh, Scotty." "Everything's all right." "I'm here." "It's ok." "It's ok." "It's not him." "Who's this?" "I don't know." "He's over here!" "Call your father." "Come on!" "Ok." "Is he all right?" "We better get him up." "He's out cold." "Ohh!" "Oh, this guy's in good shape." "Oh, that girl's not for you." "Yeah, she's for everybody else." "At least we know he ate." "Ok." "Yeah." "Get him out of here." "He's going to catch pneumonia." "Jack:" "No, no, he's ok, Collette." "No, I--I promise." "No, I'll--I'll, uh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you, but, uh, what we're gonna do is, we're gonna bring him back to the hotel in San Francisco tonight," "and then we'll bring him home tomorrow." "And then, Collette, listen to me, we have got to work this thing out." "Ok." "You're welcome." "I'll tell him." "Bye." "She was happy, huh?" "Oh, yeah, she was happy and relieved." "You know, it's funny." "The first time I got drunk, it was over a girl." "Yeah." "Yeah?" "My first suicide attempt was over a girl." "Are you joking?" "You--you really" "No." "I--I used to be somewhat unstable." "Oh." "What happened?" "Well, it was in high school." "We were doing a production of The King and I." "Mm-hmm." "And my drama teacher, Miss Manero, stayed late one night to show me that dance that the king does with Anna." "Oh, uh..." "* Shall we dance?" "* * Shall we dance?" "*" "* Ba ba ba * * Ba ba ba *" "* Shall we dance?" "* 1, 2, 3." "Well, she taught me the dance, and then she showed me a part that was obviously cut from the original." "You made it with your high school teacher?" "Yeah." "You know, I got to tell you." "I don't know what you have to be depressed about." "You're taking nude pictures of roommates, you're humping your faculty." "Your life is something I'd be ashamed to rent." "But she dumped me." "Oh, yeah?" "Oh, hey, look, these things happen." "Is there" "There's nobody there." "Thank you." "Why don't you take a plane in the morning?" "No, that'd be too late." "It's--I'm his father." "I want to be there when he wakes up." "If, you know, if I drive straight through, I can just make it." "You're still angry at me, aren't you?" "Actually, I'm--I'm just angry at myself." "I should have been the one to go after him in the first place." "No, I just--I wanted to give him a chance to come home on his own, and he didn't." "I love him and I want him to know it." "Ok, I should go." "For the road." "Thanks." "Bob, when you see--when you see Jack and Dale, tell them how sorry and ashamed I am about what I did." "I just didn't think I'd see Scotty again." "I'm sorry you couldn't count on me." "Good evening, Mr Lawrence." "How are you, Andre?" "Nice to see you again." "Fine." "I got him." "It's ok." "I got him." "Oh, wait, wait." "Can we..." "May I help you?" "We got him." "No, we're fine." "You're sure?" "Absolutely." "Little man had a big day." "Ok." "Good evening, Charles." "Anything we can help you with, Mr Lawrence?" "Could you send the valet to my room, please?" "Right away, sir." "Thank you." "Here we go." "Good evening." "Oh, after you." "We'll take the next one." "Ok." "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Dale:" "Oh, he's a mess." "Yeah." "Oh, my God!" "What, fungus?" "Look at his toes." "Look at his toes." "What am I missing?" "Do you see how that big one bends that way, the little one tucks itself underneath?" "Uh-huh." "You're easily entertained." "Mm-hmm." "Oh, really?" "Entertain this." "Huh?" "What?" "See, it's a match." "We have the same toes." "Millions of people have toes like that." "Yeah." "Oh, really?" "Do you?" "Yeah." "Oh, let's see." "No." "Take your shoes and socks off." "No, I won't." "Get away." "Come on, take them off." "Come on, let's see." "Let's see what you've got there." "Come on, come on, take them off." "No!" "Ow!" "Let go!" "Let me see." "I will sue you!" "Yeah?" "Ha ha ha ha ha." "Uncle!" "Uncle!" "Ha ha ha ha ha." "All right!" "What?" "Oh." "Oh, I'm really sorry, Dale." "You don't match." "No match." "You lose." "I'm the father." "Ha ha." "Means nothing." "That's not proof." "Oh, toe-boy." "Check this out." "What?" "The whirl." "The whirl?" "The boy has a whirl, just like I got one." "See, that's a whirl." "This is a curl, that's whirl." "Do you have a whirl?" "No." "No whirl." "You... are whirless!" "Ha ha!" "Thank you very much." "I go to a hairdresser, I get a whirl." "Really?" "Well, I will tell Jose maybe to add some more hair, ok?" "Let me ask you something, Whirly." "Ok, nothing about sports." "Ok, when did--when did Collette call you?" "Uh..." "Huh?" "When did she talk to you about him?" "Tuesday." "Oh, too bad." "That's it, I'm the father." "You lose." "But you go home with some lovely parting gifts." "You get all that from Tuesday?" "How?" "Yes." "Because she saw me on Monday." "So?" "So I wasn't very co-operative, so then she came to you." "I cannot believe you did that with an unconscious child." "Get the phone." "Get the phone." "Ow!" "Ohh!" "Excuse me." "Hello?" "Jack!" "Oh, finally." "Where have you been?" "Uh, I was out." "Of course you were out." "I've been calling you all night, Jack." "I mean, I was afraid that you had been killed or something." "No, no, no, I'm fine." "I'm absolutely fine." "I just had, uh, something I had to do." "Carrie:" "Where have you been?" "Jack, soap!" "Dale:" "Some soap, please." "Who is that?" "No one." "What do you mean no one?" "Well, actually, honey, it's--it's a friend." "I made a new friend." "Hello?" "Valet." "Dale:" "I'm hosing him down, Jack." "What--what is that noise?" "That's the shower." "You and your new friend are taking a shower?" "No, we're not-- I'm not in the shower." "Uh, he's in the shower." "And you're watching him?" "Somebody call for a valet?" "No-- It's like wrestling flipper!" "Excuse me, I knocked, but I guess you didn't hear me." "Oh, he's so slippery." "I'll come back." "No, no, no, no, no." "Just--just--just" "The jacket is on the desk, and I'll give you the pants." "Honey, hold on." "I got to take my pants off." "Don't call me honey." "No, not you." "Honey, hold on just a sec." "No, I'm not going to hold on." "Oh, no!" "Oh, no!" "Carrie:" "You pick up this phone!" "Pick up the phone!" "Pick up the phone, Jack!" "How's everything at the house?" "All right?" "Oh, Jack!" "He's gonna blow!" "What is go" "What was that noise?" "Carrie, you are confusing me." "I'm very tired." "Explain to me what is going on there." "Honey, listen, it's--it's very complicated, ok?" "He's soaking wet!" "Get over here!" "Dry his toes!" "Honey, I have to go." "I have to help him towel off the boy." "What boy?" "Bye." "That went well." "Ohh!" "There you go." "Did you have to talk all the time?" "Oh, excuse me, but I was in there all alone!" "Why couldn't you respect my privacy?" "I'm trying to clean up our boy." "He's weeping." "Now he's weeping." "This is great." "Why'd we bother putting him in the shower?" "You just could have wept on him." "Bob:" "Ok." "Ohh!" "Oh." "God!" "15 minutes till I take this deposition." "Where the hell is he with my suit?" "Jack, look at this." "That's money." "I remember that from when I was single." "It's $5,000." "I was cleaning out his pants and I found it in the pockets." "$5,000 in cash." "What's he doing with $5,000 in cash?" "He stole it." "Why do you leap to the worst possible conclusion?" "Ok, he won it in a hair whirl contest." "That's my suit." "Here's your suit." "Thank you." "Oh, wait, wait, wait." "Here." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Hey, I didn't see a thing." "Get out of here." "Jack, you took $20 of the boy's money." "Just 20." "I'm going to keep track of that." "You owe him $20." "Jack owes 20." "Dale?" "What?" "He's getting up." "Good morning." "Good morning." "Who are you?" "I'm Dale Putley." "I'm Jack Lawrence." "We're" "Friends." "Right." "Of your mother." "Wh-where am I?" "San Francisco." "The Mark Hopkins Hotel." "Beautiful day out there." "You had a big night last night." "Oh, boy." "You were..." "Ha ha ha." "Where's Nikki?" "Oh, Sacramento." "Forget her." "I wouldn't worry about her." "What'd you do with my cl-- my clothes?" "Well, you--you were very sick and" "Listen, don't be scared." "Look, I just want my clothes, and I want to get out of here." "You can't keep me here." "It's illegal." "Now, take it easy, ok?" "We got to tell him." "I guess so." "What?" "What?" "Scott, sit down." "Please?" "Come on." "Dale:" "We've got a little surprise for you." "Come on." "Have a seat." "Do you mind if I tell him?" "Fine." "Scott-- 17 years ago, your mother and I were pedalling through the wine country." "It began to rain." "It was more of a mist." "It was so romantic." "I don't have time for the wine country saga right now, ok?" "Fine." "Scott..." "What I'm about to tell you may sound a little bit" "Bizarre." "Unusual." "Unbelievable, actually." "Mm-hmm." "Uh, this is the truth, as best as we know it." "One of us" "Either one." "Either one." "Whatever." "Sorry." "Scott, one of us might be... your father." "I know." "It sounds crazy to us, too, but, you see-- 17 years ago, we--we both..." "Your mother." "And there's a debate now as to who your" "Father is." "Yeah, it's the truth." "This is bullshit!" "No, no, it's true." "You can call your mother." "She'll tell you." "Oh..." "Hello?" "Your car's here." "Yeah." "Listen, I have to go." "Now?" "Yeah." "I have a deposition in 15 minutes." "What the hell are we gonna do?" "About what?" "Yeah." "About what?" "About the fact that I'm leaving him alone with you." "Oh, why don't you do the old headbutt?" "That way he'll be sprawled out on the floor when you come back." "All I'm saying is, are you gonna be ok with him if I leave you?" "Well, I'm a lot more capable than you think I am." "Where's my money?" "Yeah, don't worry-- I got it." "Give me my money." "That's my money!" "I want it right now!" "Back off, skippy, or I'll call the cops!" "Hey!" "Let's just take it easy, ok?" "I'm sorry." "Calm down." "All right?" "What?" "Come here." "Give me the money." "No." "Give me the money." "As a parent, I disagree with your approach." "Thank you." "Here's the money." "No, we're just going to put it right here for safekeeping." "Ok?" "You'll see." "I have got to go out." "And when I come back, we'll-- we'll talk about this." "We'll all get to know each other, and you'll see, it won't be so bad, ok?" "Order anything you want from room service." "It's on me." "Whoa!" "That's a biggie!" "Hey, Jack..." "Oh, boy." "Morning." "Beautiful day, ain't it?" "Oh, yeah, perfect so far." "My guy's out with the truck right now." "Soon as he gets back, we'll get your car." "Ok, great." "I gotta call my wife." "Any men's room?" "We use a port-a-potty." "It's out back." "* Ain't it something *" "* How the way things go?" "*" "* Ain't it something *" "* Ain't it something *" "* Ain't it something *" "* The way things go?" "*" "Everything ok?" "Oh, yeah." "* Ain't it something *" "* How the way things go?" "*" "* Ain't it something *" "* How the way things go?" "*" "Hey!" "Whoa!" "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Ow!" "Ohh!" "Help!" "Oh, my God!" "Help!" "Whoa!" "This is not good." "Are you ok?" "No, it's horrible!" "It's an accident, I swear." "I don't care!" "I'll get help." "And then I wrote my medical musical comedy." "It was called:" "Hello, Doctor, It's Still Swollen." "Catchy, huh?" "It had a great opening number." "Oh, uh, it was called Hindsight." "And, my-- you know, the audience was all out there and we went..." "* Hello, Mr Colon *" "* My prostate's feelin' swollen *" "* I think that thing's are flowin' *" "* Not so well *" "Breakfast." "Ha ha." "* I'm feelin' kind of heinous *" "* 'Cause there's something in my-- *" "Good morning." "Come on in." "Here's your breakfast." "Oh, yes, indeed." "Mmm!" "Yum!" "Yum!" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Here we go." "Let's see what we have here." "Belgian waffles, all the way from Brussels." "Granola, nature's broom." "15%, but I'm not paying, so $20 tip." "Waiter:" "Very good, sir." "Thank you." "Enjoy." "Oh, look, come on." "I saw that." "Mr Dimples." "He's trying to make an appearance." "Come on." "* Gray skies are gonna clear up *" "* Sit on a happy face *" "That's the way my mother used to sing it." "But that's another story and a lot of therapy." "Ooh." "Actually, I am pretty hungry." "Thanks for ordering breakfast." "You're welcome." "Hey..." "You probably need it after last night." "You want some coffee?" "Thank you." "Aren't you a little gentleman." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ohh!" "Oh, God!" "Ohh!" "You little shit!" "May you rot in hell!" "Oh, my testicles!" "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Ohh." "Ohh." "Ah, Woolite!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Good morning." "Aah!" "Oh!" "Oh, sorry." "It's all right." "I'll stand, you go." "Fine." "Ok." "Oh, excuse me." "Good afternoon." "Jack?" "Jack?" "Jack" "Uh, excuse me." "Hi." "Yes, good morning." "How are you?" "Good morning." "I'm fine." "Do you know anything about the man who was staying in this room?" "I was paid to keep my mouth shut, lady." "No, no, no, no, look, I'm his wife." "Lady, I don't want to get in the middle of it, ok?" "What?" "The middle of what?" "If it's any comfort, I've seen worse." "Bob:" "Help!" "All right, hold on." "I'm coming, pal." "Bob:" "Ok." "Oh, man, does that stink!" "Just get me out." "It's terrible in here." "Hey, you know, it'd been a lot easier if you'd landed with the door on top." "Next time." "Ohh." "Ohh." "Hey, don't worry about it." "We got a winch right here." "We're gonna lift the whole thing just right up." "Just hurry." "I'm trying to help my son." "Oh, my God!" "Is he in there, too?" "Bring 'em up!" "Nice and easy!" "You're looking real good." "You all right in there?" "We'll get--whoa!" "Ok." "Bob:" "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Ow!" "Oh, God!" "Ooh!" "Mr. Barmore, when you invested your client's money in this -- car wash restaurant" "Wax and Waffles, yeah." "What about it?" "Did you inform them that it was owned by your own brother and that his last 3 businesses had gone bankrupt?" "Only one went bankrupt." "Excuse me." "2 were acts of God." "Acts of God." "That would be the fire and the enormous gasoline explosion, both occurring in the middle of the night?" "The fact that they occurred in the middle of the night, that's, uh, coincidence." "Yeah, the Lord works in mysterious ways." "Jack, the sarcasm isn't necessary." "Yes?" "I'm really sorry, but there's someone here who says he has to see Mr Lawrence." "Who is it?" "I don't know, but he looks a little strange, and... he's... um..." "Weeping?" "Then it's for me." "Excuse me just a second." "All right, why don't we take a break?" "You're doing great." "Jack?" "Ohh." "What happened?" "He poured hot coffee all over my penis, took my clothes, and he ran away." "Don't cry." "Now, where is he?" "I don't know." "I don't like you." "Don't." "OK." "Thank you." "Yeah, hi." "Is Jack Lawrence there?" "I believe he's taking a deposition." "This is his wife." "Um, do you wanna get me a cab, please?" "Thanks." "What?" "Reno?" "What?" "What are you talking about?" "Why--why is he going to Reno?" "Well, I--would you have that flight information?" "Dale:" "A rock festival in Reno?" "I'm psyched." "Jack:" "I know." "It's awesome." "Shouldn't we call Collette?" "And tell her we lost her son?" "No." "Oh, my batteries are dead, and I have to talk to Carrie." "Well, use the pay phone." "We have time." "All right, I'll be right over there." "I'll just be a second." "What?" "Jack, I got to get a new shirt." "I mean, you know, this one's really" "Can I have $20?" "Look, I'm not a mad terrorist." "I'm his wife." "I just want to see if my husband is on the plane." "I'm sorry." "It's a strict FAA rule." "I can't give out that information." "All right, then, Miss Tweesbury," "I'll just buy a ticket for the plane." "OK, you have to do that downstairs." "What?" "OK." "Well, thanks a lot for your help." "Really appreciate it." "How the hell I'm supposed to make this flight." "It leaves in 5 minutes." "Ohh!" "Oh." "My purse." "You OK?" "I'm fine." "Are you all right?" "Yes, I'm OK." "Have we met?" "No, I don't think so." "May I just say if springtime had a face, it would be you." "I'm--I--that's swell." "I'm in a hurry." "Bless you." "It's from one of my longer poems." "It's called Cupid's Shaft." "Dale." "Dale, come on." "I just had a vision." "Me, too." "That is a bad shirt." "You don't like it?" "What's wrong." "No." "It's fine." "Come on." "Well, what?" "Call your wife?" "Yeah, but she's not there." "Besides, what can I tell her?" "If he's not my son, why bring it up?" "And if he is my kid, then it's not how I want to tell her." "You care about her a lot." "I can tell." "She's great." "I love her a lot." "She's my favourite wife." "It's not even close." "And I don't want to do anything to screw it up." "How come you don't have any children?" "Well, the first 2 times I was married," "I wasn't ready." "Then I thought I was ready, but I wasn't married." "And now Carrie and I are married just a year, so it's new, you know?" "Jack." "What?" "There's something I should tell you." "What's that?" "I'm somewhat of a reluctant flyer." "Agent:" "You can go right on board, thank you." "Thank you." "Are you a frequent flyer?" "Because there's a new mileage deal here." "You can apply today for mileage plus." "Then you can get a credit card and you can get a free mile for every dollar that you charge." "I think that's a great deal." "Oh, God!" "Just hold me!" "That's a very good deal, as a matter of fact." "Sir, take a big sip of this." "Thank you." "Thank you." "You'll be all right." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Well, that's pretty disgusting." "Well, we'll get you cleaned up real good there." "Turn around here." "Whoo." "Let me get in there." "You got a little on your back here." "Turn around." "Come on." "Come on, turn around." "There you go." "It's a miracle that you didn't get, like, really hurt in that thing." "That went down like a" "You know, I should call my wife." "Now wait a minute." "Hold on." "Let me just get your ear there." "You got something in there you really don't want in there." "Hoo!" "Oh, here." "Here's some britches for you." "Hank gave you these." "There you go." "You'll be all right." "You got a little shit there on your back." "Whoo!" "I'll get it." "* Simmer down *" "* Don't you hear what I say?" "*" "* Simmer down *" "* Simmer and simmer *" "* Long time, people used to say *" "* Watch the money go *" "* It's runnin' away *" "* Simmer down *" "* You workin' too hard *" "* So simmer down... *" "Hey, Scotty." "I thought we lost you." "No." "I just had some stuff" "You know what, have you seen Nikki around?" "Yeah." "We're all crashed in 215." "She's up there right now?" "Yeah." "Look, I really wanted to surprise her." "Could I borrow your key?" "Yeah, all right." "Thanks." "Oh." "Matt and Lee are looking for you." "They're here?" "Oh, yeah." "Come on, man." "Open the door, man." "Nikki?" "Yeah." "In here." "Hey." "Hey." "I made it." "I thought maybe you went home or something." "No." "Um..." "Nikki, what's going on?" "What do you mean?" "I mean with you and Mark." "I don't know." "Do you still like me?" "Yeah, Scott." "I got you something." "What is it?" "Open it." "Wow." "Cool." "They're real diamonds." "I thought it might look nice on you." "It cost $4,700." "Whoa." "Come on, let's do it." "Please, come on." "Please, please." "Oh, come on." "Back off!" "I'm playing that one, too." "Oh!" "OK." "I know the hotel where the band is staying." "I got directions." "We can be there in 5 minutes." "Yeah, yeah." "Hello." "Yeah." "We're looking for a kid, remember." "Oh, yeah." "OK, come on." "What is this outfit?" "What?" "I lent you $200, and look at you." "You look like Howdy Doody." "What is this?" "It only cost $110, Jack." "Oh." "Where's my change?" "It's in one of these machines." "You put my money in these machines?" "Yeah." "Ohh..." "Damn you!" "Jack, there's got to be a blood bank open somewhere." "They give cash, don't they?" "Let's go." "OK." "Hey, guys." "Hello, Snot." "Surprised to see us, Snot?" "No." "I think you are, mate." "No." "I was coming down here to look for you." "Oh, really?" "Listen, Scott..." "where's the stuff?" "Stuff?" "Hello." "The stuff." "Look, we gave you a simple little job." "I mean, any moron could do it, even Matt here." "Matt:" "Even me." "Yeah." "In fact, if I'm not mistaken, you asked for the job, right?" "So now, where's the stuff?" "The guy-- he didn't show up." "No, no." "See, he called, and you didn't show up." "No." "I waited." "Look, let's go over it." "I was supposed to stand right by" "All right." "You didn't get the stuff, huh?" "So, where's the money?" "The money is" "Our money!" "The $5,000." "Where is it?" "It's safe-- It's in a safe." "It's in a safe, mate." "It's at the hotel where I'm staying." "It's by the airport." "I'll go get it." "Oh, really?" "Excuse me, but, uh... do I have "asshole"" "tattooed on my forehead or something?" "No." "All right." "Well, I think we all better go get it." "Hey?" "Yeah?" "Like a date." "Come here." "You're not bullshitting us, are you, Scotty?" "Because if you're bullshitting us," "I'm gonna kill you." "Watch your step here, mate." "Hey!" "Get back here!" "Wait until I catch you!" "Move!" "Jack:" "I see this all the time." "A rich kid running wild." "Probably got an expensive car, running around town." "There's no discipline." "Bob gives him no control, no boundaries." "Now Bob has no kid." "Oh, really?" "Well, I think it's probably exactly the opposite." "Really." "The kid needs compassion." "He needs attention." "He needs a big hug." "You know what this kid needs?" "What this kid needs is a great big" "Aah!" "I hit someone." "Yeah." "It's not at all like I imagined it." "Oh, God!" "It's Scott!" "My arm!" "Scott, are you all right?" "Are you OK?" "Please call 911!" "Calm down." "You hit our son!" "It was an accident." "Shut up!" "Did you call the hotel in San Francisco?" "Well, no, they must be driving back." "No." "I'm sure he's fine." "No, I'm OK." "No, I'm all right." "Yeah." "No." "I'm driving back right now." "Yeah, mm-hmm." "No." "I--I love you." "OK." "He's gonna kill us." "Oh, God." "Can you fix the tyres?" "Yeah, well, we can fix the tyres." "But..." "What?" "Well, he cracked the axle when he towed the car back." "But don't worry." "We can fix it..." "in a day or so, maybe." "The doctor says he's fine-- a simple break-- and he gave him a prescription in case there's any pain." "He's in there." "You can go in." "Thanks a lot." "I didn't-- The" "It's been a long day." "Yeah." "I'm" "How you feeling?" "Thanks." "Scott." "Scott." "Hey, come over here." "Hey, Scott." "Scott." "Scott, I'm sorry." "You ran me over." "It was an accident." "Yeah, I know you both might be my father, but just leave me alone." "What the hell was my mother anyway, some kind of whore?" "Hey!" "Watch your mouth." "Your mother was somebody that we both cared a lot about." "And she cares a lot about you." "You know how lucky you are to have that?" "Maybe, but" "You know, you have no idea what my father's like." "So, tell us." "Yeah." "Nikki's the first girl that I ever loved, but my father doesn't care." "He wouldn't let me see her anymore." "He said, "She's bad news." "She's a tramp."" "He said he's putting his foot down." "Blah blah blah blah." "I mean, he never lets me explain." "It's like, for absolutely no reason, he'll just take my car away." "You have a car?" "Yeah." "Scott, your father is Mister Rogers." "You want to hear a father story?" "Here comes the lecture." "No." "No lecture, just a true story." "On my 10th birthday, my father takes me downtown to go to the circus." "Wow." "What a great story." "On the way downtown, we drop my dog off at the vet." "So, we go to the circus and we have a great time." "I come home, and I go, "Hey, where's Skippy?" "They go, "Oh, we had to put him to sleep."" "I said, "You mean he's dead?" "You killed my dog?"" "And he said, "Yeah." "He was sick." "That's why we brought him to the vet."" "And I said," ""Why did you have to do it on my birthday?"" "And he said, "It was on the way."" "Hmm?" "What's the point?" "What is the point?" "The point..." "The point is... that parents... screw up sometimes and that they don't mean it and that they make mistakes because they're human beings." "Doesn't mean that they don't love you." "Doesn't mean that they don't care." "It just means that, uh... they're doing the best they can." "You know?" "I can't eat any more of this." "Don't worry." "I didn't understand the story either." "That's OK." "What about the Rolling Stones?" "Yeah." "They're old." "How about Zeppelin?" "They had a nice logo." "I mean, they were OK." "Oh, but Jimi Hendrix." "I mean, come on." "He was good, but he's dead." "Speaking of bad music." "Bad music." "Oh, no, no." "You can't do it." "This was my band." "You can have your Sugar Ray." "Sly and The Family Stone, this was the band I followed around." "Yeah." "Oh, feel that?" "Uh-oh." "Jack's gonna funkify." "* I want to, I want to *" "Boom box: * I wanna take you higher *" "Watch out." "It's Denny Terrio's Attorney Dance Party." "Get down and depose." "This is the worst dancing I have ever seen." "Everybody I know dances like this." "You can't help but wiggle your ass when you listen to Sly." "You're right, Jack." "Oh, wait a minute." "Hold on." "Uh-oh." "I got my mojo." "There it is." "Uh-oh." "Let it loose." "Watch out now!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Funky Chicken!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "When I was in high school," "I had an afro this big." "I don't believe you." "Oh, yeah." "I needed help lifting my head." "I looked like Buckwheat in a wind tunnel." "I once shaved my head and glued all the hair to my ass." "Why?" "Why?" "Well, 2 special brownies and a quart of tequila." "Ahh." "Yeah." "So you two, you were, like-- you were, like, freaks." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "I was so stoned once, everyone sounded like Johnny Mathis." "* Eh eh eh... *" "When you're young, you do some things that, uh... you're not that proud of, you know?" "Yeah." "We even got in a lot of trouble sometimes." "You know?" "Truth is, I'm in a lot of trouble myself." "Does it have to do with $5,000?" "Scotty, we're not here to judge." "Come on, tell us." "I stole that money." "OK." "From drug dealers." "What, are you nuts?" "!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "What are you doing?" "Yelling like that doesn't do anybody any good." "Just relax." "Sorry." "So, you give it back to them." "Well, I spent it." "You spent it?" "!" "He spent the money from drug dealers!" "That's not the way." "Breathe." "Breathe." "You said I could talk to you." "All right." "OK." "Scott, you can't run from these guys." "They'll find you." "They'll come to your house, take all your money, and then beat the shit out of you." "It happened to me a couple of times." "Listen." "Let me talk to them." "I do this kind of thing all the time." "All right?" "Why are you trying to help me?" "We're your fathers." "Come on." "* Never had to knock on wood *" "* But I know someone who has * * which makes you wonder if I could *" "* It makes me wonder if I *" "* Never had to knock on wood *" "* And if I ever get... *" "Let's do this!" "OK, I'm calling in this big fat guy from Jersey." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Where are you going, speedy?" "Kick some ass." "There will be no ass kicking." "Do you understand that?" "All right, let's go." "Come on." "What are you doing?" "I'm coming with you." "You are not coming with us." "Yes, I am." "I don't want you with us." "They're crazy." "I want you to get in the car." "Get in the car." "OK." "Look, I need water." "I'll get you some water." "Listen, the phone is right there." "Call your mother." "Tell her that you're OK and that you're coming home." "All right?" "All right." "Thanks." "We're gonna kick some ass, Jack." "Get in the car." "Now." "OK, you ready, buddy?" "If this is gonna work, you have got to calm down." "Calm down." "All right." "It's them!" "Jack!" "Jack!" "Dale!" "Scheming little..." "Jack." "Excuse me." "What's going on?" "They're not in the hotel." "He's gone." "In what sense?" "In the sense that he stole my rental car and he left." "I have never felt this stupid in my life." "Jack, you've never been a parent before." "Man." "Dale, this is way too much trouble." "I can't do this." "I have a life." "You're not giving up?" "Dale, good luck." "I mean that." "I'm sorry." "I got to go call my wife and tell her that I'm coming home." "Jack." "No." "I know we've had a few setbacks, but we're great together." "Oh, come on." "You'll never know if he's your son." "You know what?" "I don't even care." "Yeah, you do." "You care." "Yeah, you do." "Stop it." "Machine again." "She's never home." "Why have a house if you're not gonna live in it?" "Hi, honey." "Hi." "Oh, you're there." "Carrie, listen." "Let me explain everything." "Yeah, why don't you go ahead?" "Hi." "I got to go now, honey, because you're here." "Ignore that message when you get home." "This is your wife?" "It's you." "Hi." "You know him?" "He tried to pick me up in an airport." "When?" "No, I didn't." "This morning." "You were with me." "You were on the phone." "So you picked up on my wife?" "I didn't know she was your wife." "I just thought she was a sexy woman." "Watch that." "This is your friend." "Yes." "Your shower buddy." "Yes?" "No." "We were never in the shower together." "No." "The boy and I were in the shower." "Yeah." "He was soaping him up-- And hosing him off." "And I was just watching." "That's all." "What boy?" "17 years ago" "Would you stop?" "Would you" "Can I just have a private moment with my wife, please?" "Sorry." "Carrie, come here." "Um... this whole thing... is about a boy... that I might be the father of." "Carrie, it's a long story." "There's a cab." "Taxi." "Sorry if I ruined your life." "Oh, no." "You haven't." "He wanted to come home, and I kept pushing him." "It's all right." "Really." "Don't worry." "OK, but it's not his fault." "OK." "OK." "Really, it isn't." "Thanks." "OK." "Take it easy." "Bye." "Bye-bye." "Carrie, I'll just be a second." "You know, even if you find him again, he's only gonna spit in your face." "Maybe." "How is that gonna make you feel, Dale?" "You're very successful." "So?" "Wife, your success, they fill up..." "areas." "What I'm trying to say is..." "I need this kid." "If he doesn't want me around, let him turn me down." "Good luck, Dale." "Thanks, Jack." "Taxi!" "Taxi!" "Scott?" "Uh, my car is there, so you'll have to go home, and I'll follow." "Yeah." "We can work it out." "You can't be mad that I had sex with this woman 17 years ago." "You were 14 years old." "Do you have a picture?" "Of her?" "No." "Of the boy, Jack." "Yeah." "He's--he's handsome." "I guess, but this kid is a major pain in the ass." "He's so damn annoying." "You don't like anything that's annoying." "Who does?" "No." "I mean, that's a really special thing for you." "Give me a break." "I've had a hard day." "Oh, you've had a hard day." "Why should I give you a break?" "'Cause I don't want to have this conversation again." "We have never had this conversation." "No, we have never had this conversation, but I have had this conversation." "This is "The wives of Christmas past" conversation." "Would you leave Penelope and Talullah out of this?" "Iris and Debbie." "Whatever." "Why are you so upset?" "I am so upset because I want to have kids with you someday, and what if this was our son?" "Would you give up on him because he was so annoying?" "His own father gave up on him." "So what?" "That's the guy who raised him." "All I am is the guy who, you know, slept with his mother." "Well, the other guy who slept with his mother is still out there looking for him." "Dale?" "Dale is a desperate person with an empty life." "He's not happy like me." "Badge." "Badge?" "No." "You don't understand." "I--I belong back there." "Please." "I just have to get back there right now." "Do you know who you're talking to?" "Do you know who I am?" "Who?" "Dale Putley, OK?" "And who are you?" "I'm Bob." "Bob?" "Well, Bob, if you don't let me back there, heads are gonna roll, and it's probably gonna be yours, Bob." "You're not getting in without a badge." "Do you know who I am?" "I am the cowboy with the Village People, Bob." "If I don't get back there, it's just gonna be Y.M." " A., OK?" "So, Bob, let me back there, all right?" "Right now." "You're not getting in without a badge." "OK." "A badge." "I can't get in without a badge." "Jack!" "Oh!" "OK." "Let's get in there, all right?" "Here's my badge, Bob!" "OK, you guys, listen." "The Muffs are off in 10 minutes, OK?" "We should be setting up in about 5, all right?" "That's the band." "Oh." "Come on." "Follow me." "What are we going to do?" "Hello, boys." "How are you?" "Excuse me." "Can I help you?" "Hey." "Excuse me." "That's very funny." "I love when it's funny." "Hi." "Stu Gold from the agency." "How can I help you?" "How can you help me?" "You can say hello to the biggest record producer this side of the lake." "This is, uh..." "Gunther Uber Allen from Deutsche Be-Bop." "Biggest record producer in Europe." "Ja." "Numero ein." "So, say hi to the guys." "This is Sugar Ray." "Sugar Ray?" "Oh, der wunderkinder." "The boys in the bundt." "I think we met before, dude." "Dusseldorf, maybe." "Klaus, how are you?" "What's up mit you?" "Hi, how are you?" "Give me a high five." "Oh, that's how it starts." "I love you mit, eh..." "Hitting mit der strumming mit die head slamming." "Who does this guy record?" "Oh, biggest producer in Germany." "Records, uh..." "The Cars." "Uh, Big Hairy Women." "Yeah, in America-- Boys 2 Women." "I have heard about those guys." "Excuse me." "But if we have you, we could take Europe." "We could take Europe in what?" "One month." "With air support." "Air play." "Air play." "Ja, that's better." "We could do that for you." "You could have the world!" "Come on." "It's time to go." "Not here." "What do you mean?" "Where is he?" "I don't know." "Stick with the girl." "He'll be back." "Nikki, I'm sorry." "I need that pin back." "What pin?" "Sorry, Nikki, I need it back." "Scott." "Leave me alone." "Please, I need that pin." "Scott, what's wrong?" "Why'd you steal the car?" "You're not going home?" "Here are the keys." "Just leave me alone." "Nikki, can't we just talk?" "Not now, Scotty, I'm going to dance on stage." "Hey, look, everybody's tired of you." "Enough." "Stop this." "This has gone on long enough." "I thought he was German." "Nikki, can you do me a favour?" "Explain to Scott that which is painfully obvious to everybody but him." "OK." "Thanks." "This is none of your business." "Maybe, but you need to hear this." "Nikki, he's not gonna believe it unless you tell him yourself." "OK." "Well, Scotty, you're boring." "I liked you for a while, but now I can't stand looking at you." "Even your voice makes me sick." "It was lovely." "Yes, Hallmark is waiting for you." "Thank you." "Hey, Scott, she's not for you, son." "Scott:" "I feel like such a loser." "Dale:" "Scott, come on, you're 16." "To be a true loser takes years of dedicated ineptitude." "Trust me." "Jack:" "There will be other girls, you'll see." "I know the truth hurts." "I'll tell you what else hurts." "I trusted him, and he steals the car." "Look, I didn't steal it." "I don't want to talk about it right now." "Oh, no." "No, no, get him out of here." "Please, this man has a major mime issue." "I'll hang you, you white-faced creep." "Here, stop it." "Why don't you get a real job, huh?" "Build a real wall." "Stop it." "Would you just stop it?" "Scotty?" "Jack!" "Jack, no!" "We lost the boy." "Where did he go?" "Get out of here!" "All right, we're not good at this." "You go that way, I'll go this way." "OK." "Scott?" "Yeah?" "I thought you were somebody else." "I'm Scott." "Hi." "Hey, uh, you-- you want something?" "You want a nose-ring pierce?" "N-no, thanks." "Another time." "Does that hurt?" "Not the ones in the face." "Ugh." "The--the one that really hurts" "Yeah, I bet." "Scott!" "Come on!" "Let's take a little walk!" "Get off of me!" "Scott!" "Excuse me!" "Is there a problem here?" "Piss off!" "Who are you?" "I'm Scott's father." "Has he done something wrong?" "Yeah, he has, actually." "He stole $5,000 from me." "He did?" "Yeah." "Well, I assure you, he will be properly punished." "Young man, stealing money from drug dealers!" "You are grounded, mister!" "All right, just get knotted, wanker!" "Gentlemen, have we learned nothing from the music of John Lennon?" "All we need is love." "No!" "All we need's money, mate!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Do you have an Advil?" "Oh, it's you again." "You're dead, mate." "No, you are." "Ah!" "Oh, boy!" "You're doing it wrong!" "I noticed." "The power comes from your back!" "Watch." "Like this..." "See?" "Let me show you again." "Hey!" "Who else wants a piece of me?" "!" "No!" "No!" "Let's get 'em, boys!" "I'll take you out!" "I'll be there!" "Bob:" "Yeah, right here." "Listen, Calvin, thanks for going so far out of your way." "It's really above and beyond the call." "Whoa-ho!" "Look at this place." "You must have robbed a bank at some time or another." "Yeah." "It's..." "Scotty's probably home by now." "I'm kind of nervous about what to say to him." "Listen, can I give you just a little bit of advice here?" "Yeah." "Yeah, all right." "Uh, stop being so stiff, OK?" "And lighten up and take that pickle out of your butt, boy." "Ha ha." "OK." "Listen, listen..." "It's not enough to love him." "You gotta show him you love him." "Give him a big old bear hug." "Aah." "All right?" "Listen, Calvin, thank you." "All right." "Ain't nothin', man." "OK." "Take care of yourself." "I will." "Listen..." "I'll call you." "You got my number." "You got it." "This is for my fine." "This is for his fine." "This is for the boy's fine." "This is for getting the car out of the impound." "This is for the fabulous breakfast buffet that we had this morning." "Are eggs supposed to make noise when you eat them?" "Very funny." "Here's your claim check for your car." "And stay out of trouble." "Yes, sir." "Thanks." "See you next year at the reunion." "I go away for a minute to make a phone call and you buy this T-shirt?" "Look at this." "What's the big deal?" "He wanted it." "You're going to spoil him." "One T-shirt's going to spoil him." "I like it." "What's the matter?" "I'm afraid of flying." "Give me a minute." "No, no." "Come-- this is not exactly DNA evidence, OK?" "Maybe." "Come on." "It'll be fine." "Let's go." "Don't--don't be afraid, Scotty." "Hey, hey..." "It's OK." "Just a couple of bumps, Scotty." "You're doing great." "You're doing great." "It's OK." "Breathe." "There you go." "Just breathe." "OK." "Thank you." "That's OK." "Hey, your shoe's untied." "I got it." "I got it." "It's hard with one hand." "There you go." "Scott." "Hi, dad." "Come in, man." "Come in." "Are you OK?" "Yeah." "Everything all right?" "Huh?" "Really?" "Are you all right?" "Really?" "You OK?" "You had me kind of worried." "Come here." "Oh, I'm--I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Bob." "Jack Lawrence, Bob." "Dale Putley." "Come on in." "Make yourselves at home." "Your mom's in the back." "Nice home." "Come on in." "What happened to your arm?" "A little accident." "Bob:" "Well, you won't believe what happened to me." "Oh..." "Bright." "What colour yellow is this?" "Baby..." "Oh, sweetheart." "Collette:" "Oh, Scott." "Ohh..." "Nice family." "Yeah." "Ahh!" "Ahh!" "Such a cute baby." "Ohh." "Hmm." "Look at this little cowboy hat, huh?" "Oh, I love this one." "I'm going to take that one." "You can't take that." "It belongs to them." "Yeah." "You're right." "Look at that." "Do you understand the situation?" "Yeah, you, uh, you told them both that they were my father so that they'd come look for me, right?" "Right." "I lied to them." "Well, your mother-- both of us wanted you back so badly" "I understand." "I think it's time I told them the truth." "Would you guys mind if I told them?" "You?" "Well, I guess I'm the reason that everything happened, right?" "**" "Where's, uh, Jack?" "In the den, calling his office." "You OK?" "Everything... all right?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I just, um..." "I just talked to my mom." "Oh, you did?" "Yeah." "She told me who my real father is." "Who is it?" "She says it's you." "Really?" "She says she's sure." "Oh, God." "Come here." "Oh." "I knew the whirl" "Shh!" "Shh!" "We should be-- we should be quiet." "I'm worried about Jack." "Oh, yeah." "You're right." "You're right." "We shouldn't tell him." "Right." "It would break his heart." "He seems tough, but he's so fragile." "Yeah." "Ha ha ha ha." "It'll be our little secret." "OK?" "You know--you know, I was, uh, I was thinking..." "Maybe in a few years I'll come to Berkeley." "Ohh, yes, son." "Yeah." "Hey..." "Take photography." "Hmm?" "Photography?" "I just called my office, and good news-- everything went bad without me." "It's not that funny." "No, no." "No, it isn't." "I'm going to go call the airport, see when the next flight to San Francisco..." "What's with him?" "Oh, he just-- he told me a funny story." "Ho ho." "Yeah." "Hee hee." "So you know, I--I was talking to my mom before..." "Oh, yeah?" "She told me who my real father is." "Who?" "You." "Me?" "Wow." "Dale, I'm so happy." "Me, too, Collette." "Thank you." "Oh, thank you." "Listen, Jack, I--I really, really appreciate everything you've done." "He told me." "Scotty..." "Ha ha ha ha." "Jack, thank you." "Hmm." "You're welcome." "Dale:" "Oh, boy." "OK." "See ya." "Good-bye." "So..." "Why don't you come on in, relax, have a drink, or... take a swim if you want." "That's very sweet of you, Jack, but you know what?" "I'll just come in, call a cab, and... head down to the airport, OK?" "Oh, OK." "You know what?" "Take my car." "You're giving me your car, Jack?" "I mean, that's so Elvis of you." "I mean, this is a big" "Not to keep." "No?" "No." "To take to the airport." "Oh." "Yeah." "You put it in the overnight valet and one of my interns will get it in the morning." "Here." "Are you sure you want me driving this car?" "I mean, Jack..." "It's just a thing." "Yes." "It's a car." "A car." "It's just a... classic..." "Mm-hmm." "irreplaceable... car, that's all." "What's this dent?" "Where?" "Ha ha ha." "You mirth machine, you." "Ha ha ha." "Ahh, boy." "Thanks, Jack." "We did good." "Yeah, we did." "Yeah." "Oh, Jack." "Let it out." "It's so healthy, Jack." "It's a breakthrough." "No." "What?" "No." "I'm cocking around with you." "This is what you look like, you weepy bastard." "Ha ha ha ha!" "Oh, Jack." "Ohh!" "Uhh!" "Ohh, I love you!" "Please." "My sternum." "Oh." "A little less gas." "It's not going anywhere, Jack." "The brake's on." "OK." "You just go that way, a left-- it's all under control." "Ease off the clutch." "You won't get that burning smell." "OK." "OK." "Don't worry." "I'm not worried at all." "I got it." "I'm an idiot." "I'm a big schmuck." "Hi." "You loaned Dale your Jaguar?" "Yeah." "Hi." "Hi." "Jack..." "Jack, how..." "How did it go?" "Scott told me I'm his father." "Oh." "Wow." "Yep." "I feel good." "I feel terrific." "It's--it's, uh, amazing." "Yeah." "It's wonderful news." "He was lying to me, but I still feel great." "Wait, wait." "What?" "Oh." "Right to my face." "Big-time lie." "How do you know?" "Honey, I'm a lawyer." "People lie to me all the time." "Oh." "Yeah." "He's a sweet kid." "He lied to me because he wanted me to feel good." "And I did." "Just the idea of being somebody's father made me feel wonderful." "Yeah?" "So here's what I'm thinking:" "For the next one," "I'd like to be there from the beginning." "Well, would I be involved this time?" "Oh, I hope so." "I mean, from the beginning." "* Hmm hmm-hmm hmm-hmm *" "* Hmm-hmm hmm-hmm *" "* Hmm hmm *" "* Be-lee-lee deh-deh *" "Pow." "* Hmm hmm-hmm hmm-- *" "Oh..." "Houston, we have a problem." "Mayday." "Hi." "Hi." "Car problem?" "Yeah." "Oh." "Phew." "Maybe I could be of assistance." "Do you know anything about cars?" "Oh, yeah." "Somewhat of an expert on cars." "Oh, terrific." "Well, w-what do you think?" "This one's not working." "It's a rental." "I'm on my way to the airport, and I'm late." "Well, I'm on my way to the airport." "I have a 4:00 flight to San Francisco." "That's my flight." "Really?" "Yeah--United." "321?" "Right." "Oh." "Me, too." "How richly bizarre." "Here we go." "I'm at your service." "It's a beautiful car." "Thanks." "I just got it." "There you go." "Everybody in?" "Yeah." "Hi." "Oh..." "I'm Virginia Farrell." "Dale Putley." "Hi." "Will anybody be meeting you at the airport?" "Like a husband?" "No." "I'm--I'm not married." "Oh." "Me--me neither." "You have a boyfriend?" "No." "Me neither." "Have you ever been to the wine country?" "No." "I've always wanted to go." "Really?" "Ha ha ha ha!" "Oh, yes!" "Dale:" "Jack?" "Yeah?" "Guess who?" "Oh." "You know how I hate to fly, Jackie?" "Where are you?" "Somewhere on the coast highway." "You shouldn't be anywhere near the coast highway!" "I'm driving to San Francisco." "In my car?" "No way." "I've got to do this, Jack." "No, you don't." "The road is calling me." "I was born to be wild." "No, you weren't, Dale." "No." "No wild." "* I saw you swaying to the rhythm of the music *" "* Caught you playing *" "* Caught you praying to the voice inside you *" "* I saw you swaying there *" "* I don't care *" "* What you wanna be *" "* I go back so far *" "* I'm in front of me *" "* It doesn't matter what they say *" "* They're giving the game away *" "* Hey *" "* Hey *" "* I can see the world tonight *" "* Look into the future *" "* See it in a different light *" "* I can see the world tonight *" "* I heard you listening to a secret conversation *" "* You were crying *" "* You were trying not to let them hear you *" "* I heard you listenin' in *" "* Well, never mind *" "* What they wanna do *" "* You've got a right *" "* To your point of view *" "* It doesn't matter what they say *" "* They're giving the game away *" "* Hey *" "* Hey *" "* I can see the world tonight *" "* Look into the future *" "* See it in a different light *" "* I can see the world tonight *" "* I can see the world tonight *" "* I can see the world tonight *" "* Look into the future *" "* See it in a different light *" "* I can see the world tonight *" "* Look into the future *" "CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS." "AND NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC."