"[♪♪♪]" "♪ Young man goes out ♪" "♪ Looking for the diamond in the sea ♪" "♪ Old man rows his boat to shore ♪" "♪ And falls on twisted knees ♪" "♪ And you'll drown Before the water lets you in ♪" "♪ And you'll drown Before the water lets you in ♪" "[RUSTLING]" "[DOOR OPENS]" "Good morning, John." "How you feeling this morning?" "Do you remember me from last night?" "No, I don't." "That's okay." "It's to be expected." "Quinlan." "[REGINA] Mm-hm." "Look up." "Go left." " Good." " Where are my clothes?" "Your memory will come back when you're ready." "Go right." "Good." "Best thing for you right now is to get some rest." " I wasn't wearing clothes, was I?" " It doesn't matter." "Just rest." "Your mother is coming to be with you." "You've been through quite an ordeal." "Where are my clothes?" "Because those are not my clothes." "The troopers brought them for you." "What troopers?" "State troopers." "They're in the hall waiting to talk to you." "Why?" "You've been through a lot the last few months." "I suggest you stay here." "Get your rest before you talk to them." "You're safe here." "Look, I'm fine." "You've suffered cerebral hypoxia." "It affects not just the brain but the entire body." "Cerebral...?" "Oxygen deprivation." "You need time to gather your thoughts." "I'm fine." "Your nails." "You said it was a diving accident." "I believe you, John... but they don't." " John." " Nope." "I don't need to be here." " [REGINA] John?" " Nope." "[MAN] We'll interview him." "We have questions we'd like to ask." "[NURSE] Yeah, he's pretty, uh..." "[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]" "What signs?" "Of a struggle, detective." "Drowning." "Well, I was diving." "I... might have gone too far." "No, sir." "At Elbow Reef." "We all know that's not true." "I was diving with my friend Mike." "Mr. Rayburn." "[♪♪♪]" "I can only tell you what they told me." "You said some things after you were resuscitated." " [JOHN] Like what?" " Enough to open up an investigation." "Well, all we did is we went out and had dinner last night, me and Mike and Vonnie and Diana, and..." "John..." "Maybe we had a few too many drinks but it wasn't..." "Mike who?" "[SCOFFS] Mike Gallagher." "Mike Gallagher's in town." "Do you work with him?" "We went to the academy together." "We've known each other for 25..." " He was at my wedding." "Mikey." " That does not sound familiar." "It's Mike..." "Look." "All we did is we went out and had dinner last night." "Me, Mikey, Vonnie, and, you'll be happy to know, Diana." "John, look at me." "I don't want to upset you more than you already are," " but we gotta talk about Diana." " What about Diana?" "She took the kids out of town for the trial." "No, she didn't." "She hasn't been here in over a month." "[♪♪♪]" "You need some rest." "Something's wrong." "I'm not remembering things." "There was a trial?" "There was a trial." "And I testified?" "Yes." "And Eric took a plea?" "[♪♪♪]" " [INHALES SHARPLY]" " What?" "What is it?" "You don't remember?" "Eric tried to escape." "He got shot by a prison guard." "Eric's dead." "That's all our fault." "Why?" "Because I killed him." "No, I just told you he got shot trying to escape." "No, Mom, I killed Danny." "Well, from time to time," "I think we've all felt like killing Danny, but so far none of us have done it." "Are you okay, honey?" "[SOFTLY] Mom." "[HORN HONKING]" " Mom." " [HONKING CONTINUES]" "Mom!" "[HIGH-PITCHED HUM]" "[♪♪♪]" "[RUSTLING]" " [KNOCK ON DOOR] - [OPENS]" "[MAN] Good morning, John." "Do you remember me from last night?" "No, I don't." "[♪♪♪]" "Look up." "Follow the light." "I had a female doctor." "When?" "And right." "This morning I had a female doctor, Dr. Quinlan." "Well, that's good news." "Why is that?" "You remember my name." "I checked on you this morning." "I had to wake you up, check your vitals." "Oh." "What can you tell me about what happened?" "Well, I can tell you it was an accident." "I know." "I know." "That's what you said." "It wasn't your fault." "Is my mother..." "Is my mother still alive?" "I should hope so." "She's coming to pick you up soon." "Though honestly, I don't think you're ready to go home." "No, no, no." "I don't know why I said that." "Okay." "Good." "So tell me... what happened?" "We were diving." "We were diving, my friend Mike and I." " We were diving." " That's not what happened." "John." "Look, I know you were drinking... and you took some pills." "No, I wasn't." "It was Ambien." "They found you in a garage with the engine running." "I wouldn't do that." " It's carbon monoxide, John." " No, I wouldn't do that." "Have you been self-medicating?" "By the time paramedics arrived, you were unconscious." "[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]" "[♪♪♪]" " No..." " I think you should just stay here." "Rest up." "I can't stay here." "Look." "This morning you kept asking me:" ""When's it gonna end?"" "What does that mean?" "That means I can't fucking stay here." "Why not?" "Because the troopers out there, they don't believe me." "They don't believe a word I say." "What troopers?" "Come here." "No." "No, John, you have to stay in bed." "John, you need to rest." "Where are they?" " They were there." " You've been through quite an ordeal." " They were there." "Where did they go?" " John, you need to take it easy." "Hey, John." "Hey, buddy." "Mom had to go help Kevin out." "She asked me to come get you." "[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]" "Where'd the doctor go?" "Are you okay, brother?" "[♪♪♪]" "Easy, man." "Easy." "Okay, John, just calm down." "Calm down." "Calm down, baby brother." "Okay?" "Come on." "I'll take you home." "Something's wrong." "Damn straight." "Yeah." "You just had a suicide attempt." "Of course something's wrong." "I didn't do that." "I'm not gonna pretend..." "None of us are gonna pretend that this was all just some accident." " It was an accident." " It was not an accident." " It was an accident." " It was not an accident." "It was a cry for help, okay?" "Now, I get it." "I get it, John." "Usually you're the guy that goes and answers a call for help, so what, you're not allowed to make one yourself?" " You're not supposed to be here." " Fuck you." "I am supposed to be here." "Look, everything's going fine, John." "I've got a job." "Mom's okay." "I have a good relationship with my son." "[CHUCKLING] I don't have to borrow money from you anymore." "What else do you want from me?" "Why are we here?" " Where?" " Here." " The inn?" " Why did you bring me here?" "It's home." "Who lives here now?" "Seriously, John?" "Mom." "Mom's still alive?" "Yeah." "Mom's waiting in there for you." "Everyone's in there waiting for you." " They need your help." " Why do you say that?" "What happened?" "Go on inside and you'll find out." "Are you coming with me?" "I gotta work." "Work?" "Yeah." " What work are you capable of?" " "Work" work." "It's always been your excuse." "I gotta work." "Go on in there, they need you." "You gotta go." "[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]" "It's all so awful." " Where's my mother?" " I didn't know where else to go." "They came this morning and pulled Kevin out of bed." "[BELLE] He wasn't even dressed." "They took him in handcuffs." "You must know someone who can help him, John." " It wasn't his fault." " Fuck you." "He's so scared, John." "Know how many times I've helped him?" "Do you have any fucking idea?" "Oh." "He's your little brother." "I told him not to mess with Gilbert." "I fucking told him, and he did it anyway." " I knew you'd be able to help." " I'm not saving him." " Thank you, John." " I can't." "Oh, I don't know what we'd do without you, honey." "Look, I..." "I gotta go." "Thank you." "Thank you, John." "Thank you for helping Kevin." "He loves you so much." "Fuck you." "I gotta go to work." "[♪♪♪]" "[DOOR OPENS]" "[BIRDS SQUAWKING]" "[TRUCK BEEPING]" "[LOCKS CLICK]" "[MAN ON RADIO] If they wanna battle it out over..." "John." "What are you doing?" "Just checking." "Checking what?" "Checking to make sure that everything works." "Safety first, huh?" "[BOTH CHUCKLE]" "Everything's good to go, Joe. [CHUCKLES]" "[CHUCKLING]" "Shit's always gonna happen, John." "You can't prevent it." "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." "Well, maybe I don't." "But neither do you." "I want you gone." " You do or Dad does?" " No." "No, no." "My decision." "Did you talk to him?" "Did you tell him I want to stay?" "Did you try to convince him?" "Secret of life?" "Knowing when to leave." "Knowing when to leave." "[ENGINE STARTS]" "[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]" "[CHATTERING NEARBY]" "[♪♪♪]" "Hey, John." "Hey, come here a second." "Come here." "[WHISPERING] Don't worry." "Your secret's safe with me, okay?" "I won't tell anybody what you told me." "[WHISPERING] I didn't tell you anything." "I put all the files you wanted on your desk." "[CHUCKLES]" "Maybe..." "Friday?" " [LAUGHING] Yeah." " [DOOR OPENS]" "Yeah." "Pick me up at six." "Sounds good." "You." "What?" "I think the day you die you're gonna clean out your desk before they bury you." "[♪♪♪]" "Such an easy concept." "What's that?" "Yet people fought using them for years." "What are you talking about?" "Seatbelts." "The thing is if you're in a car... and the car's going 65 miles an hour... you don't feel it." "You feel like you're sitting at home watching TV." "Until the car hits something." "Then you realize the hard way... that you were going 65 miles an hour, too." "Wakes you up real quick to the truth of the physics when your head goes through that windshield." "Seatbelts." "The thing is, John... you've been going 100 miles an hour ever since Danny died." "Then Marco gets murdered." "The O'Bannon investigation." "The trial, and bang... suddenly it's over." "No seatbelt." "You get thrown through the window." "[DRAWER OPENS]" "Why don't you say exactly what it is that you're thinking?" "Because I don't like using the words." "Traumatic stress." "But then again... they could say that about all of us at any time." "It's the job." "All you really needed..." "You needed a seatbelt." "And you need to take some time off." "[DRAWER CLOSES]" "That is something that I do not need to do." "Because what it is that I need to do is double down and do what it is that I do best, and that is be a fucking cop." "Need it or not... it's mandated." "Now get out of here." "I'll hold on to your badge and your gun." "What were you looking for in those papers?" "I was..." "I was just..." "I was just trying to catch up." "On O'Bannon?" "[WHISPERS] What did they write about him?" "[WHISPERS] Not much to say." "All wrapped up." "Pretty much forgotten by now." "Mm." "I heard your brother's gotten himself in a big mess." "Just a fucking asshole." "You've been dealing with it your whole life." "What else is new, right?" "Yeah." "Do you have siblings?" "No." "Only child." "Mm." "Always wanted a brother." "You're lucky." " [CHATTERING] - [UPBEAT REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING]" "[HELEN] John?" "Helen." "You wanna order something?" "Can I just get you the usual?" " Sure." " All right." "And you're still waiting for someone?" " Oh, yeah." "He'll be here." " It's been a while." "Oh..." "He'll be here." "You're always waiting for him." "He'll be here." "[VEHICLE APPROACHING]" "[CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]" "Come on, Danny, don't fucking do this." "[JOHN] What are you doing here?" "You're really bringing Danny home?" "[♪♪♪]" "Why?" "It's like bringing home a damn time bomb." "That's what he is, you know." "He's a biological weapon." "Why would you do that?" "Why the fuck would you even encourage him?" "Meg and Kevin don't." "Why do you?" "Huh?" "Why do you want him to show up?" "What isn't finished?" "Huh?" "I wish you knew." " [WHISTLE BLOWS] - [SHRIEKS]" " [SHOUTING]" " Have fun and use your legs!" "[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]" "Come on!" " [WOMAN 1] Pull it!" " [WOMAN 2] Come on!" "Do it!" "Let's do this!" " [MEG] You gonna tie it around back?" " [KEVIN] Oh, my gosh." "[SALLY] You missed it." "Meg took your team." "I'm sorry." "Oh, it's just a silly game." "No, I mean Danny." "He didn't show." "I'm sorry." "It's fine." "I'm fine." "Truly." "[DANNY] Hey!" " Who chose those teams?" " [SALLY SCOFFS]" " Who chose them?" " [SALLY] Oh, you little rat. [LAUGHING]" "Oh, you little Dickens, you." "Where have you been?" "I've been coming here." "Are you gonna stand here while your sister gets her ass beat?" "Come on." "I've been traveling here..." "[DANNY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]" "[♪♪♪]" "He does this every fucking time." "I told you." "It's like bringing home a damn time bomb." "[♪♪♪]" "Hey, Mom?" "[SALLY] Just promise me you won't tell the others, okay?" "Aww..." "You'll always be my baby." "A mother and her firstborn have the strongest bond," "I know you feel it too." "Okay." "What do you want me to do exactly?" "[SALLY] You don't have to do anything." "I just want to show you all that'll be yours one day if you want it." "Now, this is the deed for the property." "Now, that includes all the new bungalows." " Mom." " What?" "John." "Have you finished your homework?" "We're building more bungalows?" "You have enough to worry about with your schoolwork." "Just focus on that." "Did you finish it?" "Yes." "Then go set the table for dinner." "And that's where you can live with your wife and children one day if you want to." "Hey." "[GRUNTS]" " [CLATTERING] - [CLASSIC ROCK PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]" "Mom?" "[JOHN SIGHS]" "What are you doing here?" "[JOHN] Mm." "[CHUCKLES] Well, hello to you, too, kid." "What's going on?" "What do you mean?" "I'm cooking dinner for everyone tonight." "You're not supposed to be here." " What do you mean?" " You're not supposed to be here." "You just said that." "You know the trial is over, don't you?" "Everything's gonna be back to normal now." "You can put a smile on your face." "Did you cut your hair?" "Because it looks nice." "I'll be back for dinner." "[JOHN] Okay." "♪ And she never needs to go home ♪" "♪ So she can't hear... ♪" "[JOHN] All right." "You want to hand me the bread down there, please?" "This looks fantastic, huh?" "All right." "Ah..." "Thank you." "How is it?" "Huh?" "Awesome." "Wonderful." "Delectable." "[VEHICLE PASSING]" "[♪♪♪]" "Is she always out this late?" "She's not coming home." "She texted me." "[BEN] Me too." "[LAUGHING AND CHATTERING ON TV]" "[JANEY] She said she's not coming home." "[BEN] As long as you're here." "Where is she staying?" "I didn't ask." "She's at a motel." "[♪♪♪]" "[DANNY LAUGHING]" "[ENGINE STARTS]" "[THUNDER RUMBLING]" "[SIGHS]" " [PHONE BEEPS] - [LINE RINGING]" "I think you're right." "I think that maybe we should meet." "[DANNY] For what?" "It's like you said." "[♪♪♪]" "Maybe we can help each other out." "Okay." "But first I have to know that my family's gonna be safe." "Your family?" "What family?" "You can't even stay at your own house." "Danny." "I need to know... that my family's gonna be safe." "John." "You're waiting in your car... for somebody to kill me." "You're hoping that he does." "What about me?" "Aren't I your family?" "Let's you and I meet tomorrow." "There's something I want to tell you." "Okay." "Well, I think it's a bad idea." "I think it's a really bad idea." "But if you want." "You remember that bay we used to go to?" "When we were in high school?" "After a big night." "And we'd watch the sunrise." "Yeah, I remember." "You gave me my first cigarette." "Yeah." "I'll meet you there." "We can watch the sunrise together." "The sunrise." "That sounds great." "[HORN HONKS]" " [CHATTERING] - [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]" "[DANNY LAUGHING]" "[DANNY LAUGHING]" "When's it gonna end?" "When's it gonna end, John?" "When's it gonna end?" " [DANNY CONTINUES LAUGHING] - [MUSIC STOPS]" "What?" "John, when's it gonna end?" "[RAIN PATTERING]" "[COUGHING]" "[VOMITS]" "[THUNDER CRASHING]" "Hey, John." "There have clearly been some things going on with this family." "I think it would be good if we, uh..." "all talked." "You want to go first?" "No?" "Okay." "I'll go first." "You showed some real balls tonight, John." "Getting rid of me makes complete sense." "On every level." "But..." "[CHUCKLES]" "You can't do it." "Or if you can... you can't live with yourself." "'Cause you're weak." "Weak." "You know, what you have looks like strength." "But really... a badge and a uniform?" "It's just a... costume and a performance." "So what is it?" "What's going on underneath there?" "That's what I want to know." "Behind all the make believe." "What is it that scares you so much?" "I'm not scared." "Then why are we still here?" "Why am I still here?" "I'll see you at the beach." "I can't go to the beach." "I'm..." "I'm not going to the beach." "Oh, yeah, you will." "[LAUGHING]" "I can't do that." "Oh, yeah." "You will." "[♪♪♪]" "[PHONE RINGING]" "Hello?" "[WOMAN] John, is that you?" "Yes." "I'm leaving, John." "Chelsea?" "Yeah." "It's me." "John, are you all right?" "Is he okay?" "What do you mean?" "Is Eric okay?" "John." "Hey, where are you?" "I'm at the funeral home." "I'm coming over there right now." "I don't think it's a good idea." " No, I'm gonna come over there right now..." " No." "I don't want you here, John." "Listen to me." "Just stay there, please." "I need to ask you something." "Please." "[HEAVY SPLASH]" "I'm sorry." "It's too late for that." "If I had to do it over..." "It doesn't work that way, right?" "You don't get that chance." "You said what you said in court." "Well, I didn't have a choice." "You had to protect Kevin." "We all know that." "It's not your fault, John." "That's what you came here to ask me, right?" "If we blame you?" "You can't be someone you're not." "We all know that." "I'm moving away." "There's nothing left for me here." "I'm sorry." "I'm leaving the bad behind." "You should do that too, Nolan." "Get out of here." "I keep trying to do the right thing." "Over and over." "I just don't know what it is that I need to do, though." "[♪♪♪]" "I don't know what it is that I need to do." "[NOLAN] He was my dad's best friend." "Everything about him, it's..." "It's all going away." "It's like he's... getting erased." "What about Beth?" "She's different." "She..." "She always tried to protect him." "Why?" "She loved him." "Like family should be." "Unconditionally." "Why didn't they stay together?" "They never were together like that." "How did they meet?" "I don't know." "I never asked." "Do you have any good memories of my dad?" " Of course I do." " Like what?" "I thought so." "I told you a story about us swimming." "Tell me again." "My dad... the way he taught Danny was he took him out in the middle of the ocean and he threw him overboard." "He expected him to swim." "And he did." "When it came to be my turn..." "Danny jumps in the water and yells, "Come on in, Johnny." "The water's great."" "Come on." "I got you." ""I got you."" ""I got you."" "He took the fear out of me, you see." "Then Kevin, you remember Kevin." "You remember that." "I mean, we just threw him overboard and we expected him to swim." " We really did." " [YOUNG DANNY] But Kevin..." "[BOTH LAUGHING]" "Sank like a stone." "And then we had to go back and pick him up." "Are you sure that's true?" "What do you mean?" "I heard your story." "I don't buy it." "You guys grew up around water." "You'd have been swimming since you were really little." "What really happened?" "It's not a story." " That's what happened." "That's true." " I mean with you." "Did you try to kill yourself?" "And I don't want some story." "I want the truth." "[♪♪♪]" "Let's do something fun." "You can't take her without an adult." " Danny, don't!" " [ENGINE REVVING]" "[RUSTLING]" "[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]" "[MAN] Good morning, John." "Do you remember me from last night?" "No, I don't." "This is wrong." "There's no wrong or right, John." "There's just what is." "[♪♪♪]" "And maybe we can figure this out together." "You stay the fuck away from me." " Sit down." " You stay the fuck..." "[JOHN] Now, listen." "You have to learn to be able to leave the past behind." "I..." "I know that you're upset because you think that your father is disappearing." "And I know that you're upset because Eric is dead." "But you..." "You gotta be able to let these things go." "That's what I should have said to you in the car." "Said when?" "In the car, on the way back from Eric's wake." " That's what I should have said." " Eric's wake?" "I've been here dealing with Sally." "What about Mom?" "Are you okay?" "Is there something wrong with you?" "She's in the hospital." "[♪♪♪]" "[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]" "[MAN] Hey, John." "Take a deep breath." "You're going to have to handle some difficult issues." "We have your mother's DNR here." "What?" "You know what a DNR is?" "How is my mother?" "Well, she took some pills, John." "And it's understandable after all she's been through." "What all of you have been through." "Wait." "Wait a second." "How is she?" "I mean, I'm her health proxy." "You're not, John." "That's the problem." "Mrs. Rayburn had a new health proxy notarized a few days ago." "There's some question about his age." "[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]" "I'll take care of that." "[HISSING AND BEEPING]" "[WHISPERING] Mom." "It's me, John." "I don't know what happened, but everything's gonna be all right." "We're gonna get through this." "[DANNY] No." "What?" "[WHISPERING] Mom, she's not the answer." " What are you talking about?" " This isn't it." "You're wasting your time." "I want to talk to you outside." "[SIGHS]" " What do you want?" "Why are you here?" " What do you think is..." " You think this is fun for me?" " What the fuck do you want?" "That's it, little brother." "Only you know the answer to that." "Think about it." "Think about it." "Since we were kids." "That day... on the beach." "[INAUDIBLE]" "[GRUNTING]" "Dad pounding the shit out of me." "Sarah's dead." "Mom's gone." "Meg and Kevin are hiding in the house." "And you are the only other person there." "[ROBERT GRUNTING] Why?" "!" "And you felt every one of those blows with me, didn't you?" "You're not real and I don't believe in ghosts." "I'm not a ghost, John." "I live right here." "The question is, why do you need me here?" "Why do you need me... here?" "I don't know." "Yeah, I told you you couldn't handle it." "What the fuck was I supposed to do?" "I was just a kid." "I couldn't do anything." "He was too strong." "I couldn't do anything." "I don't blame you for any of that." "You were a kid." "[♪♪♪]" "What could you do?" "You were a kid." "You couldn't stop him." "I don't blame you." "But you just said you don't blame me." " I don't blame you." " I don't understand." "I don't blame you for that." "Ever since then, though, John, what do you think you've done?" "Huh?" "What do you think you've been trying to do?" "You've been trying to protect me." "You've been trying to make me okay, haven't you?" "Huh?" "You've been keeping me weak with loaning me money, going to pick me up all the time, making excuses for me, I wouldn't show." "You've been keeping me an asshole." "I didn't need any of that." "Didn't make me any better." "What did I need from you?" "I only needed one thing from you." "What do you think it was, John?" "What do you think it was?" "Tell me that." "What do you think I needed to hear?" "What did I want you to tell me?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "Yeah, but for me." "For me, not for you." "I'm so sorry." " [WOMAN 1] I need some help in here!" " [WOMAN 2] Let's go!" "[CHATTERING]" "[♪♪♪]" "[BEEPING]" "[EKG FLATLINING]" "[SALLY] Lunch is ready." "What?" "What did you say?" "Lunch is ready." "The sand feels good." "Come on." "You gotta eat." "You really gave me a scare." "You should know better." "Why?" "What did I do?" "Well, you went out alone." "You were lucky." "You should never go diving alone." "[SIGHS]" "Diana called." "She was worried about you." "We all were." "Good thing Mike saw what was happening." "[♪♪♪]" "Mike?" "Gallagher." "John, you really don't remember him saving you?" " Mom, the doctor said that..." " You're right." "They said rest and your memory will come back slowly." "So we just won't force it." "Okay?" "Oh." "Nolan stopped by while you were napping." "How long was I asleep?" "Maybe an hour." "He wants to talk to you, John." "He's got some questions about Danny." "[SALLY] John?" "Come and eat." "Yeah." "[DANNY] You're not done yet, John." "[CHUCKLING]" "[♪♪♪]" "[SALLY] John?" "We're not done." "[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]" "♪ I wish I didn't see it ♪" "♪ I wish I didn't know ♪" "♪ But that was a lifetime ago ♪" "♪ How far will I make it ♪" "♪ Before I lose my wings?" "♪" "♪ And how much is equal To everything?" "♪" "♪ I'm a bad man ♪" "♪ That much I know ♪" "♪ I'm a bad man ♪" "♪ Look out your window ♪" "♪ I'm a bad man ♪" "♪ I'm a bad man ♪" "♪ I'm a bad man ♪" "♪ That much I know ♪"