" THAT'S HIM." "THAT'S DR. SHOTWIRE." " I KNOW." "I STUDIED NUCLEAR PHYSICS UNDER HIM." "AND THAT'S THE SCALE MODEL OF HIS MOON CRAFT." "YOU KNOW HOW MANY COUNTRIES ARE TRYING TO DEVELOP JUST SUCH A VEHICLE?" "I CAN IMAGINE." "WHOEVER PERFECTS IT FIRST" "WILL BE ABLE TO EXPLORE THE SURFACE OF THE MOON." "( turns projector off )" "DR. RATTON, WE WANT DR. SHOTWIRE." ""WE"?" "WHO'S WE?" " KAOS." " OF COURSE." "AND YOU'D BE ABLE TO SELL THE PLANS FOR THE MOON CRAFT TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER." "EXACTLY." "THAT IS WHY WE'VE COME TO YOU" "PROBABLY THE MOST ACCOMPLISHED EVIL GENIUS IN AMERICA." "IN THE WORLD." "TELL ME, WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN ABLE TO JUST KIDNAP SHOTWIRE?" " THIS IS WHY." " ( turns projector on )" " WHO IS THAT MAN?" " MAXWELL SMART." "AN AGENT FROM THE CONTROL ORGANIZATION." "HE HAS BEEN GUARDING DR. SHOTWIRE DAY AND NIGHT." "YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU CAN'T GET BY THAT ONE MAN?" "SOMEHOW HE HAS MANAGED TO FOIL US EVERY TIME." "I'D LIKE TO HAVE SMART TO MYSELF FOR ONE HOUR." "I'D LIKE TO HAVE HIM IN MY HANDS ALMOST AS MUCH AS I WANT DR. SHOTWIRE." "( turns projector off )" "YOU SHALL HAVE THEM BOTH WITHIN 24 HOURS." "HOW?" " YOU HEARD WHAT MR. NATZ HAS BEEN SAYING?" " YES, SIR." "CAN YOU DELIVER SHOTWIRE AND SMART HERE, ALIVE?" " YES, SIR." " WAIT A MINUTE." "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THIS GUY CAN SUCCEED" "WHERE A DOZEN WELL-TRAINED KAOS MEN HAVE FAILED?" "WATCH." "( grunts )" "WHAT'S THAT?" "IT'S A VICIOUS 800-LB." "GORILLA." "( snaps fingers )" "HE'LL TEAR HIM TO SHREDS!" "INDEED HE WILL, MR. NATZ." "( groans )" "YOU CARRY A WEAPON, MR. NATZ?" "ONLY THIS." "( clicks )" "INSTANT ANALYSIS, PLEASE." "I WAS STRUCK BY THREE .45-CALIBER BULLETS," "LEAD OR COMPOSITE, WEIGHING APPROXIMATELY 220 GRAINS APIECE," "TRAVELING AT ALMOST MUZZLE VELOCITY OF 800 FEET PER SECOND." "IMPACT-- 456 FOOT-POUNDS PER SQUARE INCH." "WHO IS HE?" "NOT HE, MR. NATZ." "IT." " A ROBOT?" " EXACTLY." "MY INVENTION." "STRONGEST, MOST INTELLIGENT" "MACHINE IN THE WORLD." " HOW MUCH?" " $1 MILLION." "WHEN HE DELIVERS BOTH MEN." "( snaps fingers )" "GET SHOTWIRE AND GET SMART." "( theme music playing )" "MAX, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO BE" "MORE CAREFUL WITH DR. SHOTWIRE." "TRY AND KEEP OUT OF HIS WAY WHILE YOU'RE GUARDING HIM." "HE SAYS YOU'VE SET BACK HIS WORK SIX MONTHS." "SIX MONTHS?" "THAT'S RIDICULOUS!" "THREE MONTHS, FOUR MONTHS, TOPS." "WHO'S WITH DR. SHOTWIRE NOW?" "AGENT 27." "I RELIEVE HIM IN AN HOUR." " WELL, THE PLANS HAVE BEEN CHANGED." " THEY HAVE?" "YES, HERE'S WHAT'LL HAPPEN NOW:" "THEY'RE GIVING A PARTY FOR DR. SHOTWIRE AND I WANT YOU AND 99 TO ATTEND." "WELL, WILL THERE BE A CONTACT MAN AT THE PARTY, CHIEF?" "YES, AGENT 44 HAS BEEN PLANTED AT THE PARTY" "ACCORDING TO PLAN G.F.C." "OH, AND TAKE AGENT 91 WITH YOU." "AGENT 91?" "I DON'T BELIEVE I KNOW HIM." "IS THAT A NEW NUMBER, CHIEF?" "HE'S A NEW RECRUIT." "THIS IS HIS FIRST ASSIGNMENT" "SO I WANT YOU TO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM." "HE'LL MEET YOU AT THE GARAGE OFFICE AT 8:00 TONIGHT." "HE'LL USE THIS PASSWORD" ""THE BLUE SUN MELTS THE RED SNOW."" "YOUR COUNTERSIGN WILL BE," ""AND THE PURPLE WATER RUNS UPHILL."" "GOTCHA, CHIEF." "MAX, I WANT YOU TO USE YOUR WATCH PHONE TONIGHT." "I DON'T WANT YOU TAKING OFF YOUR SHOE AT THE PARTY." " RIGHT, CHIEF." "ANYTHING ELSE?" " YES." "HERE'S SOME INFORMATION ON THE PEOPLE WHO'LL BE AT THE PARTY." "MEMORIZE IT AND DESTROY IT BEFORE YOU LEAVE." "ANYTHING WRONG?" "WELL, CHIEF, I THINK I'LL NEED A LITTLE TIME TO HAVE THIS DECODED." "HE'S NOW MEMORIZED ALL THE PERTINENT INFORMATION" "ABOUT SHOTWIRE'S SCIENTIFIC CAREER." "HE HAS AN I.Q. OF OVER 200." "PERFECT." "A GENIUS KILLER." "WHAT DO YOU CALL HIM?" "HYMIE." "HYMIE?" "I MADE HIM." "I CALL HIM WHAT I WANT." " HYMIE?" " MY FATHER'S NAME WAS HYMIE." "OKAY, CALL HIM WHAT YOU WANT." "WHEREVER HYMIE MAY GO WE CAN OBSERVE" "ON A SPECIAL TV CAMERA HE'S EQUIPPED WITH." "ASIDE FROM HIS VAST KNOWLEDGE, HE HAS THE DEXTERITY" "TO TAKE APART AND REASSEMBLE THE ENTIRE WIRING SYSTEM" "OF ANY MISSILE IN THE WORLD." "THERE'S ONLY ONE THING HE ISN'T ABLE TO DO." " WHAT'S THAT?" " SET UP A LAWN CHAIR." "ALL I WANT HIM TO DO IS TO BRING ME SHOTWIRE AND SMART." "BUT..." "I DON'T WANT SHOTWIRE HURT IN ANY WAY." "AND I'LL TAKE CARE OF SMART MYSELF." " DO YOU UNDERSTAND, HYMIE?" " I UNDERSTAND." "OKAY." "TAKE OFF." "NO, HYMIE." "I DON'T MEAN THAT KIND OF TAKE OFF." "YOU HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY TO HIM." "HE SOMETIMES RESPONDS TO THE EXACT MEANING OF WORDS." "LEAVE, HYMIE." "WE CAN FOLLOW HIS PROGRESS" "ON THE VIEWING SCREEN." "HE SHOULD BE AT THE CONTROL GARAGE AT 10 MINUTES TO 8:00." "THE BLUE SUN MELTS THE RED SNOW." "THE BLUE SUN MELTS THE RED SNOW." "YOU'D BETTER COME UP WITH THE RIGHT COUNTERSIGN, MAC," "OR YOU'RE IN TROUBLE." "( bullets ricocheting )" "DETAIN HIM, HYMIE." "OPERATOR, QUICK!" "GET ME SPECIAL WEAPONS!" "( grunts )" "THE BLUE SUN MELTS THE RED SNOW." "AND THE PURPLE WATER RUNS UPHILL." " AGENT SMART?" " YES." "YOU MUST BE 91." "MY NAME IS HYMIE." " HYMIE?" " MY FATHER'S NAME WAS HYMIE." "OH." "UH, THAT'S VERY NICE." " HYMIE, THIS IS 99." " HOW DO YOU DO?" " HELLO, HYMIE." " NOW, THIS IS OUR PLAN." "WE'RE TO GUARD DR. SHOTWIRE AGAINST ANY AND ALL DANGERS" "WITHOUT HIM REALIZING THAT WE'RE DOING IT." " RIGHT." " HYMIE, I KNOW THAT IS IS YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT." "YOU'RE PROBABLY A LITTLE NERVOUS." "DON'T BE." "REMEMBER, EXPERIENCE ISN'T EVERYTHING." "YOU'VE ALSO GOT TO HAVE HEART." "( clangs )" "COME ON, LET'S GO." " SEEMS TO BE STUCK." " YES." "HYMIE, GIVE ME A HAND." "NEVER MIND, HYMIE." "COME ON." "( soft music playing )" "( people chatting )" "WITH ALL THOSE GUARDS WE SAW POSTED ON THE WAY UP," "THERE ISN'T A CHANCE IN THE WORLD THAT A KAOS MAN CAN GET IN HERE." "THAT'S DR. SHOTWIRE OVER THERE." "I WANT YOU TO KEEP HIM UNDER SURVEILLANCE, BUT DON'T GO NEAR HIM." "I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME TO GIVE OUR SIDE A LITTLE EDGE." " 99?" " Yes?" "I want you to make a check on all the women here" " and see if any of them look or even act suspicious." " Right, Max." "HYMIE, DISARM SMART," "BUT DON'T LET HIM KNOW IT." "DESTROY THE GUN." "NOW, YOU JUST STAY HERE AND KEEP YOUR WITS ABOUT YOU." "AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING." "DON'T BE NERVOUS." "I HAVE COMPLETE CONFIDENCE IN YOU." "I FEEL THAT I CAN PUT MY LIFE IN YOUR HANDS." "( cracking )" "IS THE WIND FAIR TO JAVA?" "ALL CLEAR." "NO STORM ON THE HORIZON." " I BEG YOUR PARDON?" " I SAID, THERE'S NO STORM ON THE HORIZON." "NO, THERE ISN'T." "AS A MATTER OF FACT," "I DIDN'T NOTICE A CLOUD IN THE SKY ON THE WAY OVER." "YOU KNOW, IF THIS NICE WEATHER KEEPS UP." "I MAY JUST TAKE A RUN DOWN TO THE BEACH TOMORROW." " WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" " THE BEACH." "YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT THE WEATHER AND I SAID I MIGHT TAKE A RUN DOWN TO THE BEACH." "I WAS GIVING YOU THE COUNTERSIGN." "NO, I WAS GIVING YOU THE COUNTERSIGN." "THEN I GAVE YOU THE COUNTER-COUNTERSIGN." "BUT THAT'S THE WRONG COUNTER-COUNTERSIGN FOR MY COUNTERSIGN." "IS NOT." "HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU." "( humming )" "HERE YOU ARE." "MIDDLE OF PAGE 18." "THAT'S THE OLD BOOK." "OH, I-I'M SORRY, 86." "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE RIGHT." "IT'S JUST..." "( sobs )" "JUST THAT I'VE BEEN COOPED UP IN SO MANY CLOCKS" "AND LOCKERS AND GLOVE COMPARTMENTS FOR SO LONG." "NOBODY TELLS ME ANYTHING!" "IT ISN'T FAIR." "I'M A GOOD AGENT." "I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO WEAR MY TUXEDO ONCE." "NOT ONCE!" "AND WHO'D SEE IT IN A CLOCK?" "DON'T GET SO EMOTIONAL, 44." "HERE, YOU CAN HAVE MY BOOK." " I-I COULDN'T DO THAT." " GO AHEAD, TAKE IT." "I'VE ALREADY MEMORIZED IT." "86, I WON'T FORGET THIS." "IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S ALL RIGHT." "YOU'D DO THE SAME THING FOR ME." "NOW, BUCK UP." "I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE PARTY." "EVERYTHING IS OKAY SO FAR." "HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS?" " NO, SIR." " YOU CAN CALL ME MAX, HYMIE." "( phone buzzing )" "THIS IS 86." "COME IN, CONTROL." "MAX, WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT THERE IS A KAOS AGENT AT THE PARTY" "AND THAT YOU AND DR. SHOTWIRE ARE IN GREAT DANGER." " DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO IT IS, CHIEF?" " YES, WE HAVE THE REAL-  ( line clicks )" " HELLO, MAX?" "MAX?" "HYMIE, YOU BROKE MY WATCH PHONE." "I'M SORRY." "I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT TIME IT WAS." "SOMETHING MUST HAVE HAPPENED." "I'D BETTER TRY AND CONTACT AGENT 44." "HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO TELL ME WHO THE KAOS AGENT WAS" "WHEN YOU GRABBED MY PHONE." "I'LL TELL 99 ABOUT IT." "AGENT 44 IS IN THE CLOCK IN THE NEXT ROOM." "ASK HIM IF HE KNOWS ANYTHING." "WELL, HOP TO IT, HYMIE." "AGENT 44, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING?" "( groans )" "( groans )" " DID 44 SAY ANYTHING?" " NO." "WHOEVER THE KAOS AGENT IS," "HE'S PROBABLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO THE CONTROL AGENTS ARE," "SO WE'VE GOT TO REMAIN INCONSPICUOUS." "LET'S NOT GIVE OURSELVES AWAY." "JUST WATCH ME AND DO EXACTLY AS I DO." "( glass clatters )" "I THINK WE'VE BEEN NOTICED, HYMIE." "LET'S JUST TRY AND ACT NONCHALANT." "LET'S GO GET A DRINK." "WAITER." "THANK YOU." "OKAY, HYMIE, DRINK UP." " WHAT'LL HAPPEN IF HE DRINKS?" " I DON'T KNOW." "HE ISN'T PROGRAMMED FOR IT." "HYMIE, DON'T DRINK." " GO AHEAD, HYMIE, DRINK." " DON'T DRINK." " GO ON, HYMIE, DRINK IT UP." " DON'T DRINK!" " DRINK!" " DON'T!" "DRINK!" " WHAT HAPPENED?" " HE SHORT-CIRCUITED." "DRINK." "( transistors whistling )" "I'VE LOST CONTROL OF HIM." "WELL, WHAT'S HE LIKELY TO DO?" "I DON'T KNOW." "HE MIGHT JUST STAND THERE," "OR HE MIGHT DECIDE TO KILL EVERYBODY IN THAT ROOM." "WHAT'S HYMIE UP TO?" "IS HE OUT OF HIS MIND?" "I TOLD HIM TO STAY CLOSE TO SHOTWIRE, BUT NOT THAT CLOSE." "99, WE'VE GOT TO GET HIM OUT OF THERE." "HE'S LIABLE TO REVEAL HIS IDENTITY." " RIGHT." " AFTER ALL, HE DOESN'T HAVE OUR EXPERIENCE." "I'LL DISTRACT DR. SHOTWIRE WHILE YOU GET HYMIE AWAY." "RIGHT." " HELLO, DR. SHOTWIRE." " OH." "OH!" "DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE?" "NO, I DON'T THINK SO, BUT I KNOW YOU." "YOU'RE VERY FAMOUS." "OH, NOW..." "( chuckling )" "I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOU A MINUTE, HYMIE." "COME ON, HYMIE, SHAKE A LEG." "NOW, LOOK, HYMIE, I THINK YOU'VE GOT THE MAKINGS OF A FIRST-RATE AGENT," "BUT ONLY IF YOU OBEY ORDERS." "NOW, YOU WERE TOLD TO STAY AWAY FROM SHOTWIRE, WEREN'T YOU?" "( hiccups )" "HYMIE, YOU'RE DRUNK." "LISTEN, HYMIE, YOU'RE A NICE GUY," "BUT YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO HOLD YOUR LIQUOR." "SO NO MORE DRINKING." "AGREED?" "( kisses )" "JUST SAY YES OR NO, HYMIE." "YES OR NO, HYMIE." "THAT'S BETTER." "NOW," "I'LL LEAVE AND YOU FOLLOW RIGHT BEHIND ME." "AND DON'T FORGET TO KILL THE LIGHT." "( glass shatters )" " HAVE YOU NOTICED ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS?" " NO, MAX." "I THINK WE OUGHT TO CHANGE OUR STRATEGY." "I THINK WE OUGHT TO GET DR. SHOTWIRE OUT OF HERE BEFORE KAOS MAKES ITS MOVE." "EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING, BUT LET ME HANDLE THIS." "I'VE GOT TO GET SHOTWIRE OUT OF HERE WITHOUT GETTING HIM TOO UPSET" "AND WITHOUT ANYBODY ELSE NOTICING IT." "IT HAS TO BE HANDLED WITH TREMENDOUS SUBTLETY." "EXCUSE ME, DR. SHOTWIRE, BUT I WONDER IF YOU'D MIND" "STEPPING OUTSIDE WITH ME FOR A MINUTE." "YES, I WOULD MIND!" "YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU SECRET AGENTS!" "I'VE GOT TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE, DOCTOR." " SOMEBODY IS TRYING TO KILL YOU." " OH, NONSENSE." "I AM BACK AGAIN, ALONZO." "PLEASE, DOCTOR." "IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD." "LEAVE ME ALONE." "YOU TALK TO HIM, HYMIE." "I THINK HE'S TAKEN A LIKING TO YOU." "SEE IF YOU CAN GET HIM OUT OF HERE WITHOUT ANYBODY NOTICING IT." "I'LL GO CHECK THE FRONT DOOR." "99, WHOEVER THAT KAOS AGENT IS" " HE'S GONNA TRY AND STOP US, SO BE READY FOR ANYTHING." " RIGHT." "LET ME GET MY COAT AND I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, HYMIE." "GREAT WORK, HYMIE, BUT HOW DID YOU GET HIM TO LEAVE?" "I APPEALED TO HIS SCIENTIFIC CURIOSITY." "I TOLD HIM I WAS A ROBOT." "AND HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU EVER GET HIM TO BELIEVE THAT STORY?" "I SHOWED HIM MY WORKS." "HYMIE!" "THAT'S INCREDIBLE!" "YOU'RE REALLY PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING." "THAT'S FANTASTIC, HYMIE." "YOU SHOULD GET A MEDAL FOR THIS." "YOU KNOCK ME OUT." "MAX!" "MAX, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?" "99, WHAT HAPPENED?" "WE'RE IN SOME KAOS HIDEOUT." "HYMIE KNOCKED YOU OUT AND BROUGHT US HERE." "HYMIE?" "BUT HYMIE IS ONE OF OUR MEN." "NO, MAX, I'M AFRAID HYMIE'S ONE OF THEM." " WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM?" " I TRIED TO, MAX," "BUT HE PICKED US UP AND CARRIED US LIKE WE WERE DOLLS." "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE." "I THINK YOU'LL FIND NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HYMIE, MR. SMART." "HE'S-- HE'S SUPERHUMAN." " MAX, HYMIE'S A ROBOT." " WELL, OF COURSE HE'S A ROBOT." "THAT'S WHAT HE TOLD-- A REAL ROBOT?" "THAT'S RIGHT." "AND HE'S A KAOS ROBOT." "NATZ!" "SO YOU'RE BEHIND ALL THIS." "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR A LONG TIME, SMART." "I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO SHOW YOU HOW GRATEFUL I AM" "FOR THOSE 10 LONG YEARS I SPENT IN PRISON." "YOU CALL THIS GRATITUDE?" "I SPENT MOST OF THAT TIME DREAMING OF THE DAY" "WHEN YOU AND I WOULD MEET AGAIN," "AND I WOULD ELIMINATE YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL." "WELL, I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED A MAN WITH AMBITION." "THIS, BY THE WAY, IS DR. RATTON," "HYMIE'S CREATOR." " RATTON, THE FAMOUS INVENTOR?" " HOW DO YOU DO?" "BUT YOU WERE ONCE A HIGHLY-RESPECTED SCIENTIST WORKING ON THE SIDE OF GOOD." " WHAT HAPPENED?" " IT JUST DIDN'T PAY WELL ENOUGH." "NOW, MR. SMART," "I'M GOING TO ORDER HYMIE TO DESTROY YOU." "HURRY IT UP, RATTON." "DR. SHOTWIRE AND I HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH FOR EUROPE." "( snaps fingers ) HYMIE, DESTROY SMART." "I SAID, DESTROY HIM." "IT'S ALL RIGHT, HYMIE." "I UNDERSTAND." "YOU'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU'RE DOING." "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT." "I KNOW THAT UNDER THAT METAL BODY OF YOURS" "THERE BEATS THE MECHANICAL HEART OF A REALLY NICE GUY." "HYMIE, YOU'RE CRYING." "TAKE IT EASY, HYMIE." "YOU'LL RUST YOUR EYEBALL." "I GAVE YOU AN ORDER, YOU MONSTER!" "I ORDER YOU TO DESTROY HIM!" "I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD WORK." "THANK YOU, HYMIE." "I'LL GET DR. SHOTWIRE." "HYMIE, SHAKE." "NO, HYMIE." "SHAKE HANDS." "I KNEW YOU'D COME THROUGH, HYMIE." "YOU'RE THE FIRST ONE WHO EVER TREATED ME LIKE I WAS A REAL PERSON." "I JUST COULDN'T DESTROY YOU." "OF COURSE YOU COULDN'T." "AND I KNEW YOU COULDN'T." "AFTER ALL, HYMIE, I'M NO DUMMY." "UH, WELL, WHAT I MEAN, HYMIE," "IS THAT I'M A GOOD JUDGE OF MONSTERS." "INCREDIBLE." "SO REAL, SO LIFELIKE." " THANK YOU." " OH, YOU'RE WELCOME." "HE SAVED OUR LIVES, CHIEF." "AND WITHOUT HIM" "DR. SHOTWIRE WOULD'VE BEEN TAKEN BY KAOS." "WE OWE YOU A GREAT DEBT." "IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO FOR YOU IN RETURN?" "WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN CONTROL?" " NO, THANK YOU." " NO?" "I JUST DON'T LIKE VIOLENCE." " WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?" " I'D LIKE TO WORK FOR I.B.M." "OH, BECAUSE OF YOUR SCIENTIFIC CURIOSITY?" "NO, IT'S A NICE WAY TO MEET SOME INTELLIGENT MACHINES." "GOOD THINKING." "WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" " HYMIE." " HYMIE?" "HIS FATHER'S NAME WAS HYMIE." "( theme music playing )"