"So, Doug, I was just wondering if I could go..." "Hm?" "I don't think the camera should be filming." "Oh, I do." "But it's quite delicate and important." "I know, and isn't that great, that we're going to share it with so many people?" "Um, if I can just show you the figures for last week." "Um, we lost..." "we lost about 400 grand last week." " Wow." " Yes." "And it's going to get worse next week." "Have you ever taken acid?" "Because maybe you should." "All right, you zips?" "Hi, Nathan." "This guy is such a prannock." "Yeah." "You should come to a party." "It's the opening of Exbuse." "Dajve Bikinus is gonna be there." " Who's he?" " She." "She's the VJ off the telly." "I can't." "I've got to finish this by tomorrow." "0K, you come with me for one drink, then we come back here and we chop some sense into that bollock." "0K, one drink and then back here." "0ne drink and then straight back here." "(♪ "Super Freak" by Rick James)" "(♪ "Super Freak" continues)" "Ned-head!" "Barley!" "Dajve Bikinus is here." "0h, she's talking to 15Peter20." " Watch this." " (Rufus) No way." "Dajve!" "Hey, I know you." "The pranks on the skinny dude, right?" "Nathan Barley, aka as Trashbat dot cock." ""Dot cock." That is funny." "15, this guy does great shit on the web." "Whatever." "Hey, could you do an ident for my website?" "Sure." "Barley!" "Whoo-hoo!" "(Dan) ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo-de-doo, doo" " Hey." " Hello, Dan." "Yeah, let's dance." "♪ Celebrate good times, come on!" " Are you mixing with Prozac?" " I'm getting a bank loan." "Whoo-hoo!" "No." " ♪ Sasha fixed it for me" " What?" "They've agreed it?" "They will." "I've got a meeting tomorrow morning." "Can you lend me some money?" "Whoo-hoo!" "Just look into here and just say," ""This is Dajve Bikinus and you're watching Trashbat dot cock."" " I'll cue you in." "Three, two, one." " (Phone) Action." "Hi, I'm Dajve Bikinus, and I'd love to suck your Trashbat dot cock." " That is awesome." " (Woman moaning ringtone)" " (phone) 0h, there it co..." " 0h, God." "I gotta run." " 0h, fuck." " Hey, hold out your phone." " (phone) 0h, there it comes." " Fucking phones." " 0h." " (Phone) 0h, there it c..." "Now I can see yours, and you can see mine." "Yeah." "Well, bye." "Mr Dot Cock." " Are you coming?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Did you see that?" "That was Dajve Bikinus." " Shall I see you in the office, then?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." ""A4 Sounds."" "A kind of concept album about the various sizes of paper." "(phone rings)" " Dan?" " Uh... (thumping)" "Hello?" "(laughs drunkenly)" " Hello, Claire." " What are you doing here?" "I'm going to bed." "(Doug)... backwards, does it go forwards?" "It doesn't..." "Dan, it's full of paint." "Huh?" "Hm." "(sighs and giggles)" "(Nathan's voice) Tick, tock." "Tick, yeah?" "Tock." "Tick, tock." "Tick." "Yeah?" "Hi, I'm Dajve Bikinus, and I'd love to suck your Trashbat dot cock." "(♪ "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple ringtone)" " Hey, Clairesicle." " You said you'd help." " I..." "I am." "I am." " Where are you?" "0n the bus." "Can I have a single to Textile Street, please?" "0ne pound?" "They've gone up." " Claire, listen..." " I was asleep." "Yeah, well, get up." "You're supposed to have a meeting at the bank." " Shit!" " (Nathan) Are you listening, Claire?" "Then, right, I did this ident on Dajve Bikinus and she said "cock", like, "suck my cock"." " Fucking Dajve Bikinus!" " Who is this?" "Dan!" "Preacher man!" "What are you doing there?" " I don't know." " Guess who took my number last night." " Jilly Cooper?" " Fucking Dajve Bikinus, off the telly." "Shut up." "I need a haircut." "Yeah?" "Try Stanley Knives, yeah?" "They're well bum." " I'm going now." " All right, you fucker." "Go away." "Laters, you greasy cock fart." "(Doug) "Sophisticated Writhing", the debut album by the Veryphonics." "It actually induced the first of many nervous breakdowns, all of which I've chosen to ignore." "(man) Morning, sir." "(cat meows)" "Elizabeth." "She say, "Good morning."" " Morning, Elizabeth." " Please." "I've got a meeting at 10:15 so I'm in a bit of a hurry." "We must cut it very short, yes?" "Yes, thanks." "(Nathan hums)" "All right, my niggers?" "I want a real special coffee today, yeah?" "Triple size, four shots in it, and the best fucking foam you've ever squirted from your milky pumps." "Hi, Nathan." "Did your bus break down?" "Shouldn't you be finishing the edit?" "Loads to do." "Hey, Dajve Bi-kinky Ass." "Hey, Mr Trash Cock." "Do you know the café, Hubble Bubble, on Bottle Row?" "Know it?" "I practically bum it on a regular basis." "So, you want to meet me here in ten minutes?" "Does the Pope fuck kids?" " Soon you later." " Peace and fucking." "And why not?" "Hey, Paulo." "Green light, yeah?" "(girl) Ready." "Laters, honey tits." "(purrs)" "She like you." "Cos Elizabeth, she very special cat for me." " Do you know why?" " No." "0ne year ago, wedding anniversary," "I buy her for my wife, Angela." "But she never meet her." "Do you know why?" "No." "Because she die the same day... my wife." "She driving home, and she all smashed up in her car." "It's terrible." "And I stay all night up, holding that cat and crying like a shit." "And she was licking the tears from my face, and I look at her eyes," "and it's like I look at Angela." "And Angela middle name Elizabeth, so I call that cat Elizabeth." "Now she's my best." "We read magazines, we watch TV, we talk, we enjoy painting." "(phone rings)" "Excuse me, sir." "0ne moment." "Hello." "Yes, I'm fine." " Like the hair." " I new hair, first thing." "Get that right and everything else will fall into place." " Cool." " (Baby laughing ringtone)" "0h, I'm sorry." "My stylist." "(American accent) Hi." "Yeah, this is Dajve." "Hey, hey, that collar you made me wear." "What's it done to my voice?" "Elizabeth?" "No, she's much better." "Ah, she's silly." "No eat." "Yeah." "Vet say she swallow balls of hair." "But she was brave, brave, brave, brave cat." "Mm-hm." "0K." "0K, I'll see you then." "(growls)" "Mm-hm." "I give her tickle from you." "She told me she like." "Ah, no." "Not too hard." "0K." "Bye-bye, Tim." "Bye-bye." "Now, then, sir, I'm sorry." "I no finished." "Two minutes." "I've got to go." "Don't look for your scissors." "Even if you find them, you're not gonna finish this." " But..." " No, really." "And, later, sorry:" "0h." "Well, what a strange man, eh, Elizabeth?" "Huh?" "Elizabeth?" "(Nikolai walls and sobs)" "It's the premiere of the new Bikes video." "Get the look wrong and it's death." "I do not beige." "Jesus, how can they put you in beige?" " Do you like the Bikes?" " Yeah." "Do you want to be my date tonight?" "Yeah!" "There'll be cameras and shit there." "You lens well?" "Yeah." "Got time to get a look together?" "Yeah." "Hey, Claire, listen, what's my best look?" "What?" " My best look." " What about my edit, you dickwad?" "Hey, hey, I'm editing in my head, yeah?" "Get a look together, yeah?" "Those shades, yeah?" "Bum strides." "Not those, those." "Get those later, yeah?" " Hey, Dan!" "Dan!" "Preach!" " 0h, no." "Nice bonce." "Did you get that at Stanley Knives?" "Uh, yeah." "What... what style?" "Uh, geek... pie." " "Geek pie."" " Yeah." " You are a godsend, Preach." " Thanks." " In nomine thingummy." " Twat." "(dials phone)" "Stanley Knives, yeah?" "Abilise, yeah?" " All right, my man?" " Sit." "Yeah, stout." " What style?" " Geek pie." "Draw." "It's kind of long here, yeah?" "But short here." "Like it's been done at random." "But, if you look closely, you can see that it hasn't." "Except you can't tell that." "And it's got a few of these in, yeah?" "They're paint lids." "Yeah?" "Uh, £20,000?" "£20,000." "Yes." "I don't think we can do that." "Well, ignore this." "This isn't, you know..." "I tried to sort this out this morning, but the barber couldn't finish because, um, I killed his cat." "And, um..." " You killed the barber's cat?" " By accident, yeah." "So, just..." "That's not me." "So..." "Awesome fucking Welles." "New fucking paradigm or what?" "The day the world changed, yeah?" "Hey." "All right, glum fucks?" "A quick one before I storm Dajve Bikinus?" "What the fuck has happened to your head?" "Easy, Claire, yeah?" "Today, ridicule, tomorrow, really cool." "All right, Dan?" " What have you done to your hair?" " What?" "The half cut with paint?" "0h." "Yeah." "I accidentally slept in some paint, and then I got half of it cut off." "That's when I bumped into you." "I pretended it was called a "geek pie"" "and you called me a godsend." "So..." " You just copied..." " No, I..." "No." "It's cos..." "This is a look." "This is a style." " I've got some clippers." " Yeah?" "Could I borrow them?" "No." " Hey, babe." " Hey." " Shit!" " What?" "0h, shit, fuck, don't go in there." "What?" "(♪ "Pop Muzik" by M)" "Nathan?" "Excuse me." "Can I help?" "(mouths)" "Hey!" "Fucking with your head, yeah?" "So, is this your look?" " Yeah." " Do you want to buy that?" "Yeah." "It's a bag." "It fits." "Los Bandidos Bolsos, right?" " What?" " You know, the Mexican street gang who wear bags on their heads." "Yeah." "Yeah." " I need to scan the barcode." " No." " Can I have the bag?" " I can do it." "Honestly." "See?" "Easy." "I need to remove the security tag." "That's the best bit." "I need to take it off." ""I need to take it off."" "It'll set the alarm off." "Well, why do you think I want it?" " Duh." " Duh." "Come on, Dajve." "You're a twat, mate." "(alarm)" "(Nathan) Music, yeah?" "(♪ "We Don't Play Guitars" by Chicks 0n Speed)" "He's got a bag on his head." "(♪ "Terrorists Are Gay" by The Bikes)" "♪ Terrorists are gay" "♪ Terrorists are gay" "♪ Terrorists are gay" "♪ It's obvious" "Excuse me." "♪ Fuck yourself up" "♪ Don't ever stop" " ♪ Fuck yourself up" " Excuse me." "♪ Fuck yourself up" " Could you take the bag off your head?" " Shh!" " It's in the way." " Be quiet." "♪ Terrorists are gay" "♪ Terrorists are gay" "♪ It's obvious" " My wife can't see." " Well, fucking..." " ♪ Fuck yourself up, don't ever stop" " Please, I can't see." " Maybe you should take it off." " No." " Please?" " Take the bag off." " Shut up!" " Shh!" " Get off, you bitch!" " 0i!" " Shh!" " Shut up!" "Look, do it." "It's my look." "It's my look." "It's my look." " Take it off!" " It's a look!" "(man) Sit down!" "♪ Fuck yourself up, don't ever stop" "Is... is that your look?" "No, it's..." "Look, I..." "I just... (laughter/jeering)" "Shut up!" "Please." "Get out!" "♪ Space invaders" "♪ Gay Darth Vaders" "♪ Space invaders" "♪ Gay Darth Vaders" "♪ Terrorists" "♪ Conspiracists" "♪ Anarchists" "♪ Packet of crisps" "♪ Corrupt MPs" "♪ MP3s" "♪ Get on your knees" "♪ I've seen you fail" "♪ Blow up the US" "♪ Make a fucking mess" "♪ Blow up the UK" "♪ Fuck yourself gay" "♪ Terrorists, conspiracists" "♪ Anarchists, packet of crisps" "(man) Excuse me." "Excuse me!" "♪ Good luck, Palestine" "♪ You're fucked up big-time" "♪ Same applies" "♪ To the Israelites" " We're from the Tokyo Fashion Channel." " What?" "We want to talk to you about your hair." "Huh?" "Your hair - really cool." "We want to talk to you about your hair." "0h." "Uh..." "Yeah." "All right." "(man speaks Japanese) ...Mr Super Cool" "0K, it's called a geek pie, and I invented it." "I basically wanted to create a new punk aesthetic." "It's Johnny Rotten meets Jackson Pollard, yeah?" "You can check it out on my website, Trashbat dot cock, yeah?" "I'm Nathan Barley." "Watch the fuck out, Japan." "(man) Tokyo!" "Tokyo hip dudes!" "(speaks Japanese) ...Nathan Barley hairstyle." "Konichiwa, Mama." "Geek pie." "Geek pie." "Nathan Barley." "Peace and fucking." "Cool." "(man speaks Japanese) ...Trashbat dot cock." "Peace and fuck." "Believe!" "Visiontext Subtitles:" "Jo Clarke"