"I deliver perfection..." "and don't brag about it!" ":" "D" "What is it?" "I can't find anything to eat." "Everything makes me nauseous." "Being pregnant is no piece of cake." "Oh, cake!" "Honey, I'm sorry." "What is that smell?" "It's coming from the bathroom." "Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings." "It's me." "Listen, there's something in here I want to eat." "What smells so good?" "Is it the shampoo?" "It's guava." "Wait." "Is it my bologna sandwich?" "I can't believe it!" "The baby wants bologna." "I can't eat meat." "Wait!" "Maybe it's the pickle!" "The One with the Fake Party" "English Subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." "What are you writing?" "Joshua's coming in, and since I don't have the guts to ask him out I'll sell him a coat and put this note in the pocket." ""Joshua, give me a call sometime." "Guys like you never go out of style."" "What did you throw away?" " Hi, guys." " What have you been up to?" "We went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs at the museum." "Without me?" "My uncle dragged us there, but it turned out to be interesting." "They were so ornate and beautiful." "Look at that." "I don't know about England, but here, you're not supposed to take stuff." "I got it from the gift shop." "They have really lax security." "It's a joke." "I've got to be off." "See you." "You're having a good time." "She is amazing, and she's so much fun." "And you know what?" "When I'm with her, I'm fun!" "I even signed up for helicopter classes." "She's leaving in two days." "I don't have to do it." "In two days?" "You must be bummed." "She's got to go back, but I've been prepared for this." "We knew we had two weeks together and then that's it." "That's what all my relationships are like." "But in Ross' case, they both know two weeks is it." "Yeah, I know." "I know!" "The baby is totally craving meat." "I made it a soy burger, so that it'd think it was getting meat." "And I got nauseous." "Maybe that's because soy burgers suck!" "Pregnancy is hard on your tummy." "But you got that cool pregnant-lady glow." "You throw up all morning, you'll have that glow too." " Here's that trench coat you wanted." " Great." "It's comfortable." "You could really flash somebody in this." "Don't put your hands in the pockets until you are out of the store." "Why not?" "Well, because we get a lot of..." "They ruin it for everybody." "I know." "I wore that sweater on a date last night." "It was the first date since the divorce." "Congratulations." "So do you love her?" "She's nice, but it made me realize I'm just not ready to be dating." "That's interesting." " What was that?" " Just an anti-theft device." "Then what's this?" "You need that too, because a thief could just tear this up." "We have to have a party in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans." "What's going on?" "We have to have a bon voyage party for Emily." "But it's actually for Joshua." "He said he's not ready to date." "So I had to invite him to a party." "And now I have created the perfect opportunity to seduce him." "As much as I'd like to meet Josh and warn him Emily and I won't be here." "She'll come by to say goodbye." "I've got a special evening planned." "Sorry." "No party." "Surprise!" "Surprise!" "No one's thrown me a surprise party before." "Well, it was all Ross' idea." "You're so sweet." "And I'm so surprised." "You didn't know?" "Why are you here if Joshua's over there?" "I'm trying to play hard-to-get." "Quick!" "Say something funny." "Like what?" "What's so funny?" ""Like what?"" "Now that's a thinker." "This playing-hard-to-get thing is not working." "Hand me those cherries." " Care for a cherry?" " No, thanks." "I can tie one of these into a knot using just my tongue." "You okay?" "All right?" "We should probably get going soon." "But the party's just getting started." "We have to be at The Four Seasons for drinks in 15 minutes." "Then The Plaza for dinner." "Why did you plan a party at the same time?" "Actually, American surprise parties are very short." "It's usually, "Surprise!" Then, "My God, I'm so surprised." "Bye!"" "But I'm having such a great time." "Your sister told me that you dressed up like old ladies and hosted make-believe tea parties." "Monica said that, did she?" "Then what are you going to put on top of that?" "A little salami." "What goes on top of the salami?" "Pastrami." "You're a genius." "Give me a hand with the zipper." "Up!" " You changed?" " I just needed my lucky dress." " Lucky means more cleavage?" " It does for me." "Look at him!" "He's so cute." "I just want to grab him and kiss him." "How could I kiss him without him knowing I like him?" "I know how you can get him." "Take off your bra." " This scene in "Footloose"..." " Flashdance." " With that plumber girl?" " A welder." "Were you, like, in the movie?" "She takes off her bra under the shirt and pulls it out the sleeve." "Very sexy." "And classy." " Or you could use mistletoe." " It's not Christmas." " Spin the bottle." " He's not 11." "Thank you." "It was so thoughtful of you." "You're leaving?" " We have something we have to get to." " I'll take off too." "You can't leave yet." "You have to stay." "We've got the whole big thing planned." "What big thing?" "Spin-The-Bottle works like this:" "I spin." "Lands on Gunther, so I'd kiss Gunther." "Who wants to go first?" "I'll go." "Welcome to America." "Oh, my God!" "Two in a row!" "Use your tongues now." "All right." "What are the odds?" "That's enough!" "Let's let someone else play." "If you didn't want to play, why'd you come?" "Okay, my turn!" "Look at that!" "Oh, my God." "The baby just kicked!" "If it kicked once, it'll kick again!" "Everybody just remember where they were sitting." "It was a bug." "It doesn't matter how much I'm craving it." "I'll never eat meat." "It's cold-blooded murder." "There's a Phoebe on my sandwich!" "What are you doing?" "I can't help it!" "I need the meat!" "The baby needs the meat." "When you date, you don't want to cheat unless it's with someone really hot." "Totally." "This is the same kind of deal." "If you do something wrong do it right." "Feel better?" "Yeah, but at what cost?" "Six months, three meals a day?" "I am going to eat like, you know, millions of cows." "What if I even things out for you, meat-wise?" "I eat a lot of meat, right?" "But suppose, until the baby's born, I laid off it." "No extra animals would die." "You'd be eating my animals." "I can't believe you'd do that for me." "Absolutely!" "I could be a vegetarian." "There's no meat in beer, right?" "We can still make dinner if we skip the appetizers." "We can't go now." "Rachel is going to put on a skit." "Oh, my God!" "Have you lost your mind?" "I am finally thinking clearly." "My lucky dress wasn't working." "But for four years, this baby never missed." "Wait, I can't let..." "Actually, I want to see what happens." "Nice costume." "Well, I wanted to give Emily a big American goodbye cheer." "Ready." "Give me an "E"!" "Give me an "M"!" "Give me an "I"!" "Give me an "L"!" "Give me a "Y"!" "What do you get?" "That's me as a cheerleader!" "I loosened a tooth." "It's no big deal." "I have a dentist." "I'll put some ice on it." "Excuse me." "What do I do now?" "I think you're done." "Time to take off the bra." "That was really great." "But I got to take off." "Take the bra off." "Let's go get your coat." "Rachel's my girlfriend." "So this was really fun." "Yeah, it was real fun." "You know, this bra is really bothering me." "This used to be my bedroom." "A lot of memories in here." "Lot of memories." "If these walls could talk, they'd say:" ""Want to hear some memories?"" "Need a hand?" "I got this all under control." "You really don't seem like you do." "God!" "Forget it!" "This is not how this was supposed to happen." "What was supposed to happen?" "Can you not look at me?" "I thought that if I could get you here I could seduce you." "I don't wear suits to work." "And I bought six of them from you." "I'm sorry." "I thought you needed them." "My point is, I kept coming back because I wanted to see you." "Because I like you." "You like me?" "I mean, you're beautiful and smart and sophisticated." "A lot of this isn't based on tonight." "But you like me?" "I can't believe this." "All this time, I liked you and you liked me!" "No "but"." ""But" is never good." "Let's leave it at "I like you and you like me."" " However..." " No, that's a fancy "but"." "My marriage, like, just ended." "And I'm really not ready to get into anything yet." "I'm sorry." "I just need a little time." "There you are." "I was looking for you." "Joshua's gone, so you and Emily are free to go." "It's okay." "She's still in there enjoying her fake party." "It's too late to do the stuff I had planned." "I'm sorry." "I ruined your evening." "If it makes you feel any better, I made a fool of myself." "Helps a little." "Is there room there for a pathetic loser?" "Have a seat." "I'm so sorry." "It's okay." "It was just a two-week thing anyway." "I just didn't want it to end this way." "Or maybe you didn't want it to end?" "What do you mean?" "You seem to really like her." "I really do." "What am I going to do?" "We agreed it'd be a two-week thing." "No commitment." "That girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends asking to hear stories about you looking through Monica's photo albums." "You don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks." "You think?" "You've got 14 hours until she has to be at the airport." "And you're sitting here in a hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip." "You're right." "What photo album was it?" "It was you and a bunch of albino kids." "Oh, my God!" "Those weren't albino kids." "That was computer camp!" "You're a pathetic loser, right?" "Sit!" "Oh, my God." "Joshua." "All those things I said about not being ready..." " They're not true?" " They're all true." "But..." "I love that "but"." "Do you want to go inside and get some coffee?" "Every time." " What do you got there?" " Pastrami." " You know what goes good with that?" " Corned beef." "I was going to say bologna." "But that's better." "How about that smoked turkey?" "Oh, mama!" " When is the baby due?" " Six months." "If a cow died of natural causes, I could have one of those, right?" "Not if I get there first."