"Haley!" "Where'd you end up last night?" "I lost track of you!" "Call me." "I might be married!" "Kisses!" "First baseman Brady Kelly shocked the sports world last year by letting us know what team he really plays for and now he's added to his stats with a quickie wedding in Vegas to the flamboyant actor known as as Cheeks" "Wonder if Kelly gave him a diamond..." "Popular gay Michael Buckley, what's your take on this?" "Well, it's raising eyebrows, that's for sure." "Oh, I dare you to raise an eyebrow, Botox-boy." "The first marriage under the new law, and we get these two clowns?" "Clearly drunk, half naked, out of control..." "Says who?" "Show me the footage!" "Here's another look at the footage." "Well, how about that." "In closing..." "I would like... to thank the academy... and the rest of America... can suck it." " You can suck it." " You can suck it." "Cheeks?" "What's the news look like?" "Well, from my POV, yay publicity plus we look cute in shorts." "And from my POV?" "Remember that 9/11 thing?" "Great." "Oh, and that was the head of GLAAD on the phone." "They'd really prefer if we didn't emerge from our drug den and file for divorce ten and a half hours after we get married." "We'd be Britney." "On the upside, we'd be Britney!" "No." "I'm not going to be the first gay divorce since the new law!" "We have to stay technically married for a while." "What...?" "Straight people do this all the time!" "In fact, if we weren't gay, this would be a hackneyed premise." "I'm a role model!" "I am a professional ballplayer." "Do you understand the hell I went through to come out?" "Oh, you mean a few people have said some not nice things about you for a year?" "Try everyday since i was 12 years old!" "Don't worry, it gets better." "But it's gonna look so bad for the cause!" "So what?" "So... you sacrifice your entire life for public opinion?" "For "the cause"?" "What if..." "What if it wasn't a sacrifice..." "What if..." "What if this marriage... worked?" "Cheeks gives an inquisitive look."