"Hey!" "Hey!" "You guys are friends!" "Don't let a boy come between you." "Just calm down." "fire alarm." "Fire alarm." "Everybody outside." "Single file lines." "There's no smoke,so it's probably a drill." "Tim,thank god you're here." "If I'm not in my office,I j junD." "La oficina,well,no problem." "Follow me." "I'm used to this sort of thing." "I was a volunteer firefighter." "Really?" "I love "backdraft." "" Make way!" "Coming through!" "Coming through!" "Make way!" "Make way!" "Shawna,pulling a fire alarm is a serious offense, so I know there must be something serious going on." "Be honest with me." "Are you having trouble at home?" "No." "Are you sure?" "Because I think when you pulled that fire alarm you were really sounding the alarm of your own pain." "My friend dared me to do it." "Who?" "Kristy seitz." "Isn't that the same friend that told you that video game scores count when you apply to college?" "Yeah." "And the same friend that told you that you wouldn't get pregnant if you showered afterward?" "Yeah." "Do you see what I'm getting at?" "No." "Kristy seitz is not your friend." "Frenemies--a term developed by teenagers to describe someone that you call a friend but wouldn't trust if your life depended on it." "Here's the deal" " I convinced principal huffy to let this one slide, as long as you agree to see me once a week for counseling, and you promise to never pull the fire alarm again." "Never again." "I swear." "Homegirls?" "Homegirls." "You got a way with 'em,freeley." "Phil,not to challenge your authority here,but a student pulls a fire alarm twice, and all she gets is counseling?" "There's no proof it was the same kid." "What's the problem?" "Well,the--the problem is science." "It's a fact." "Counseling doesn't work." "Would you send a-a drug addict or an alcoholic to counseling?" "No!" "You send that dirtbag to jail." "Make them serve some time,and they will never use drugs or alcohol again." "what--what's wrong with you?" "Are you sick?" "Oh uh,huff,buddy,you aren't in any shape to be here." "I've been worse." "You remember last year when I got pink eye and took out half the art department?" "That was disgusting." "Yes,it was,and that is exactly why you should hurry on home and take care of yourself." "Get into your comfies." "Sleepy sleepy." "It's incredible,but you're right." "I'm leaving." "Uh,don't worry about anything." "I got it all covered." "And don't rush back until you're all better." "That's an order." "Don't tell me what to do." "You're so right." "I apologize." "oh,god,yes!" "A good vice principal makes himself the bad cop so the principal can be the good cop." "Bruce is a good vice principal." "In no way should he ever be a cop." "shut up!" "Shut up!" "No,I'm serious." "Listen up." "Big announcement." "Huffy went home sick,which means I am in charge." "But I' it's just that now I have the authority to fire any one of you, for any reason,whenever I want." "Any questions?" "Yeah." "Wh-what is simon doing in the teachers' lounge?" "He's my aide." "You can think of him as a guide dog or a helper monkey." "Now first order of business-- freeley,I need you to cover germain's classes this morning." "She's running late." "I have sessions with students." "Oh,you can hand out condoms tomorrow." "News flash--it's not like they're gonna use 'em." "I estimate that nine of out ten high school students have herpes or a baby." "Now get to class." "so." ""a farewell to arms." Let's talk about some of the--the larger themes, like,for instance,the arms." "Whose arms were they?" "great." "Your teacher is here." "Miss germain,can I talk to you in the hall?" "I had a little trouble getting going." "I'm sorry yeah?" "Well,you can't just expect us to cover for you every." "oh,my god." "You're crying?" "I cried so many times in high school because of lisa germain-- so many times." "It's fine." "I'm fine." "so all through high school I dreamed of what it would be like to see lisa germain cry." "But when it actually happened,I felt terrible, and the last thing I wanted was for kirk cameron to show up and laugh at her." "Miss Guided Season 1 Episode 7" " Well,guess what,baby einstein?" "That double fire alarm stunt of yours just bought you six months detention." "How you like them apples?" "Principal huffy said I only oh,I'm sorry.Is principal huffy here?" "Uh,phil?" "You in there?" "Nope,just a dust bunny and a banana." "Both mine." "You can't give me six months." "You're not the principal." "But I have a the powers of a principal." "And I will use them I see fit." "Now get out of my temporary office." "the truth is,huffy is old,out of shape and far too lenient." "Always talking about "fair but firm." "" You can't be both." "You're either fair or you're firm." "I stay firm,all the time." "Rock hard." "becky." "Hey,I have been looking all over for you." "Really?" "Yeah,I heard you made lisa cry today." "That doesn't sound like you." "Technically,she could've been crying before I started yelling at her, but she" "I'm just really worried about her." "I think she's having a hard time." "her divorce was finalized today." "that's so awful." "I swear,I had no idea." "Oh,I am a horrible,horrible person." "Freeley,I heard you had germain bawling her eyes out this morning." "Nice work." "Didn't think you had it in you." "Cat fight. meow!" "oh,that little dude creeps me out." "hey,lisa?" "I just wanted to apologize." "I was really mean to you this morning." "I didn't know what you were going through." "Divorce. final,today." "Oh." "Who told you?" "tim." "He's been really sweet." "I thought I was okay,but when I was signing those papers,suddenly I felt really alone." "Like all of a sudden,being incredibly attractive and universally well liked isn't enough?" "I mean,that's pathetic,right?" "No,it's perfectly natural." "And lucky for you,you came to the right person." "You came to me." "Either way." "You're going through a rough patch right now,and this is what I do best" " I give advice." "Can I give you some?" "Why not?" "Forget him." "If he's too stupid to realize what a smart,strong woman he had,you deserve better anyway." "Thanks,becky." "You know what might help?" "If two attractive,independent,single women put on their sexiest outfits and have a girls night out." "What do you say?" "I think itounds like fun." "Great,it'll be just like "sex and the city." "" I'll be diane,and you can be veronica." "You've never seen "sex and the city," have you?" "I only have basic cable." "okay." "I'm in." "she really reached out." "It came as a total surprise." "She was reaching out." "And so who am I to say no?" "We might actually start becoming friends." "So I'm officially divorced and making plans with becky freeley." "we'll borrow each other's clothes." "I'll always have hers dry cleaned before I return them." "I hope she does the same." "okay,you can look." "Ta-da!" "Oh,wow!" "Becky,this is. something." "When you said "girls night out," I thought it would be,like,a bar or A." "bar." "No,no,this is your fresh start." "This dinner is to celebrate your new single life." "Take a look around." "The world is literally at your feet." "I haven't been up here since our graduation." "My date thought it would be funny to play a few practical jokes." "I heard about that." "chianti?" "Love italian reds." "I know." "I remember you telling me about your time in italy and how much you love the food." "Oh,I did?" "And you remembered?" "That is so sweet." "You know I like guys,right?" "of course." "Me,too." "so when was thlast time you were single?" "Oh,um. fifth grade?" "Wow." "Oh,no,that's ridiculous." "Third grade." "So it's been awhile." "You know,men are important,but you have to learn to love yourself first." "I guess I always just figured what's the point, you know,of anything,if there are no guys around." "Over the years I haven't had many boyfriends,so I've spent a lot of time by myself." "You know what I realized?" "I really like me." "And now that I do,I'm ready for that special guy." "So is there anyone in particular that you have your eye on?" "Well." "ooh,there is!" "Who is it?" "Shut up!" "Oh,wait." "I know." "You don't have to say anything." "Lisa germain knows I like tim." "I think she really gets me." "I think becky has a thing for bruce." "They have a lot in common." "They both seem really sexually frustrated." "becky,hi." "I caot thank you enough for last night." "I'm like a new person." "I decided to take your advice and learn to love myself." "I am so proud of you." "That can be a really long,hard process." "I did it in one night." "And now I love myself." "I really do." "Well. good for you." "Now you can make a fresh start." "I know." "The first thg I'm gonna do is ask out tim." "And it's all thanks to you." "yay,me." "hey,tim." "Hey,becky." "How's your book?" "Awesome." "Did you know that it's not pronounced don "quix ote"?" "Really?" "Learn something new every day." "So I hear you and lisa are an item." "Well,I don't know about that." "It's just a date." "Soso so intense,you don't know if they're gonna kiss you or murr you." "Lisa falls into that category." "I like her anyway." "Well,I think lisa's great." "But don't forget,there's a lot of terrific women out there." "She's just one of many." "Many." "Hey,uh,you and I are close,right?" "So I can ask you something,and you'll tell me honestly?" "Do you think it's inappropriate,faculty dating faculty?" "That's a good question." "I think it's fine." "Look at maggie and clark." "And barb and barb." "and you and me!" "the superintendent is coming?" "Shawna's dad called him to complain?" "Oh,thanks." "It's 50% silk." "You know what?" "This is good." "The superintendent and i will have a little chat,mano a mano." "I look forward to it." "Send him right in when he arrives." "becky,hi." "I wanted to thank you again for your advice." "Oh,yeah,anytime." "How was your date?" "it was fantastic." "With the flowers and the stars and the roof-- it was the most wonderful picnic I've ever had." "I like y,tim." "You're sweet,uncomplicated." "women say that all the time about me." "But I see myself as more complex." "My brain is like. crazy." "Have another glass of wine." "Wait,a roof picnic?" "Yeah." "You took tim up there?" "Yes." "Is there a problem?" "Well,yeah." "That was my idea." "Sorry." "I thought it was bruce,the guy that you like." "Bruce?" "It isn't,is it?" "No." "That's okay." "It's always good to have a crush." "I think it's cute." "You think it's cute?" "Yeah." "So you wouldn't mind if I ask tim out,too?" "Not at all." "That would be cute." "Fine." "Fine." "Have a super day." "Give me five minutes." "I need to talk to you,immediately." "But not in the open." "It's not safe." "what's not safe?" "Unsafe!" "easy." "What's wrong with you?" "Well,I told shawna turner's dad I was giving her six months detention, and he called the superintendent,who is now coming to fire me." "He's not gonna fire you." "Well,he should." "I don't know what I'm doing,filling in for huffy." "Yes,you do." "You have wanted to be a principal your whole life." "You even have the bumper sticker that says so." "Well,maybe I made a mistake." "I knowhis may come as a shock to you, but I haven't always been this strong." "There was a time in my life when I was. weak and whiny." "And that's why now I'M." "I'M." "overcompensating?" "Terrified." "Just tell the superintendent you made a mistake about shawna." "He'll understand." "Admit my mistake?" "Yes." "Sometimeseseal our weaknesses to others,they respect us for it." "And we end up respecting ourselves even more." "You're right." "And nobody respects me more than me." "Nobody." "That's t spirit." "Now go." "Show that superintendent what you're made of." "I will." "oh,dear god,please make it all go away." "no,he really said that?" "Really?" "You're kidding." "No,I wouldn kid about that." "seriously." "I can't believe I thought lisa germain was my friend!" "I was such a fool yesterday." "I've grown up a lot since then." "hey,now." "What is ur cologne?" "Easy,lady." "It's very woodsy." "it's a little strong." "No,I like it." "Okay,everyone,follow me!" "Single file line." "There's no smoke,so it's probably just another drill." "come on." "Let's keep moving." "leave me alone,simon." "The superintendent could be out there." "I can't let him see me." "simon,get out of here." "That's a fire alarm!" "I said go!" "Don't be a hero!" "What are you doing?" "Save yourself,man." "Let me burn." "Oh,simon." "You're a good soldier,simon." "what is going on with all these fire alarms?" "Yeah,the alarm system is old." "It needs to be replaced." "So I heard about your date the other night." "Pretty creative." "It was different." "Not as different as you might imagine." "Can I be honest with you?" "Of course." "I don't know." "I mean,I had a great time with lisa." "I just thought the whole rooftop picnic part of it was a little strange." "I mean,you know,being outside was okay, but then she started making all these really forced metaphors about perspective and the world at my feet." "It was kinda lame." "Lame-O." "But we had a really great time." "She's probably just trying too hard." "I'm sure she'll be more normal next time." "Next time?" "Yeah,I asked her out." "This time for something more low-key." "Great." "So how was your night,becky?" "What did you do?" "Nothing much." "I,um." "stayed home,watched "dancing with the stars" and ate grilled cheese." "That actually sounds great." "That's,like,the perfect night for me." "We should do that sometime." "Grilled cheese night." "We should." "That sounds nice." "Mr. Terry?" "how'd everything go while I was gone?" "Not good." "I'm weak." "I made mistakes." "And now the superintendent is coming." "No,he isn'T." "He is." "He called and said he's coming to find me." "No,isn't,dummy." "I called and said I'll take care of it, and you'd get your head out of your butt." "Oh,sir,it. is. out." "Thank you." "Shawna turner's only gonna get one month detention, and I'm coming back early." "Sick or not,I'm going back to my office." "Get me some vaporub." "Right away,sir!" "Some people think this job is easy." "It's not." "You have to be fair,firm and impartial." "Here's my secret-- I'm dead inside." "hey,Ms. Germain." "Hey,lisa." "Hi." "I just wanted to tell you that I'm not mad about you stealing my idea." "That's very big of you." "And I know that you and tim are going on another date, and I'm totally cool with it." "Thanks,becky." "And between you and me,tim said that he really liked the roof picnic thing." "Really?" "Yeah,you should totally do it again." "Okay,maybe I will." "Lisa germain is my frenemy." "I can't trust her." "But guess what?" "She can't trust me either." "Who knows?" "Maybe one day we'll grow past it and become actual friends." "Shut up!" "No,I am serious." "that's crazy!" "I hate her."