"Hi, this is MacGyver." "We all know how these things work, so when you hear the beep... go for it." "MacGyver, pick up if you're there." "You ever heard of staying home?" "Never mind." "This is your good buddy, Jack." "I've got myself into just a touch of trouble down here in Bayonne County, Arkansas." "A little hoedown town called Smiley." "It's more than a touch of trouble." "I outdone myself this time." "I need your help." "If you ever wanna see any of that money I owe you..." "Mac, I gotta go." "They're comin' for me." "Oh, God, Mac." "Get here." "You got to come get me." "I..." "Help!" "No!" "Louella." "Fair Louella." "What do I owe thee for thy grits and gravy?" "Why, Mr Dalton, a trip to Hollywood should just about cover everything." " Everything?" " Anything." "Done!" "Now how about one for the road?" " Can I have a beer, please?" " Sure, honey." "Getting hot in here, ain't it?" " Don't you think you've had enough?" " No, sirree." "Well, maybe." "But I want more than enough." "Thank you, my sweet." "I shall return." "You can't take that beer out of here." "No problem, officer." "Wrong." "There is a problem, and you're it." "Now see what you done?" "Destruction of property, disturbing the peace." "Resisting your ugliness." "Smart mouth, huh?" "You're gonna pay, Hollywood." "Oh, boy." "Tell me I enjoyed myself, will you?" " You enjoyed yourself." " Oh, boy." "Four days on a rowboat with wet pants." "I've got mosquito bites on top of my mosquito bites." "I thought I was going to have sunstroke." "Now, coming home, I smell like old bait." "But you didn't come home empty handed." "Look at that." "Is that a sweetheart?" "You got a camera and some film?" " Yeah." " We need a picture." "Is this a picture?" " Look!" "Come on." " Jeez." "MacGyver, pick up if you're there." "Ever heard of staying home?" "Never mind." "This is your good buddy, Jack." "I've got myself into a touch of trouble down here in Bayonne County, Arkansas." " My advice is turn that off." " Pete..." "A little hoedown town called Smiley." "It's more than a touch of trouble." "I outdone myself this time." " I need your help." " Why doesn't that surprise me?" "If you ever wanna see any of that money I owe..." "Bribery!" "He's trying to bribe you." "Forget it, tear up the IOU's." "I gotta go." "They're coming for me." "Oh, God." "Get here." "You got to come get me." "I..." "Help!" "No!" "That is a ploy." "You know that." " How do I know that?" " Well, when hasn't it been?" "Right." "But he does sound like he's in trouble." "Of course." "He's always in trouble." "But he got there by himself." " Pete, the man's my friend." " What kind of friend?" "When does he call you?" "When he wants to con you into some favour, or he needs you to rescue him." "He's always getting you in trouble." "How long are you gonna baby-sit for this guy?" "All right." "I get the point." "And you're right." "I'm not gonna be sucked in by him this time." "He's on his own." " I'm not going." " Well, good." "My grandpa used to say that friendship was a two-sided coin." "It can turn out to be the best or the worst investment you ever made." "I guess whenever I flipped the coin of friendship with Jack Dalton, he usually wound up in over his head, and I wound up covering his tail." "To refuse Jack's call for help was useless." "If I did, I'd just end up feeling guilty the rest of my life if anything bad happened to him." "And aside from guilt, there was always the curiosity factor." "This time, the question being," ""What on earth brought a man about town like Jack Dalton to Smiley, Arkansas?"" "Howdy." "I'm looking for a friend of mine." "His name's Jack Dalton." "He's not from around these parts." "You probably don't know him, but that's a picture of him." "Haven't seen him, huh?" "This is Smiley, Arkansas, isn't it?" "Thought so." "Just checking." " Coffee?" " No, thank you." " Do you have any juice?" " Lemonade." "I squeezed it fresh this morning." " That'll be fine." " Anything else?" "As a matter of fact, I'm looking for a friend." "Jack Dalton?" " You a friend of Jack Dalton?" " Yeah." " From Hollywood?" " I'm not..." "From the Dalton Agency?" "Well you find him for me." "That man's my ticket out of this one-horse town." "I'm gonna be a model." "I'm gonna be on TV." "Louella, the man wants lemonade, not your résumé." "Lyle, you're such a poo." "If Louella runs off, this town's gonna lose its only worthwhile exhibit." "Lyle Hudson, your friendly banker." " Matter of fact, your only banker." " MacGyver." "You know, your friend Dalton, he had a penchant for getting in trouble here." "Jack?" "You've seen Jack?" "What'd he do?" "Let's just say he ruffled some of the wrong feathers." "If you stick around long enough you may notice that most of the citizens in Smiley have this redneck view of things." "Somebody as flamboyant as your friend, he makes 'em see a little bit redder." " Know what I mean?" " Yeah." "What happened to him?" "Got on the wrong side of Bull Bodine." "That's the local sheriff." "Very unforgiving man." "Ran him through that window then ran him out of town." "He's probably licking his wounds in Little Rock." "That's where they all go." "Little Rock?" "Guess that's where I'm headed." "Thank you for the lemonade." "You be good now, you hear?" "Yes, ma'am." "Understand you're looking for Jack Dalton." "Word travels fast." "You come to the wrong place." "Yeah, apparently he did too, huh?" "You another smart mouth?" "Somebody should've taught your friend manners." "I guess we gotta beat it into you city boys." "I didn't come looking for a hassle." "I came here looking for a friend." "Are you saying I'm harassing you?" "Just who are you to accuse me?" "Look, just forget it, okay?" "Don't you walk away from me, boy!" "That's resisting arrest." " What?" "!" " Resisting arrest, making a public nuisance of yourself, and carrying a concealed weapon." "Concealed weapon?" "That's a Swiss Army Knife!" "Can't you lighten up...?" "Welcome to Smiley, boy." "I got a real nice place for you to be staying." "All right, you two, give me a hand and get these guys out of here." "Move!" "Come on, you." "You two, unload that stuff." "Want to hand it down?" "Hey, amigos, don't look so sad." "If you like bad food and hard work, you're in the right place." "Knock it off, Sanchez." "All right, all of you, come on." "That's it." "Warden!" "I'm Warden Renfro." "I'm the law around here." "If you wish to remain alive you'll abide by that law." "If you cause any dissension, you will undergo an attitude adjustment in the sweatbox." "You keep them rakes moving, boys." "If you loaf on the job, you'll be whipped back into shape." "I wouldn't recommend any attempt to escape." "You may try, if you wish." "Personally, I would shy away from tunnelling under that fence because if you do, my dogs will hunt you down, chew you up and spit you out." "Over there, that's worse." "Got myself a swamp full of gators." "They're real agitated 'cause we keep them hungry." "If you want to go for a swim, we can't stop you but they will." "That's all." "Move out." "Come, Pepe will show you where we eat, where we sleep..." "Where we curse the guards." "Hey, Pepe, I'm looking for a friend of mine." "In this place?" "You are a very good friend then." "Yeah, his name's Dalton." "Jack Dalton." "This Sheriff Bodine gave him a hard time." " I think he's been thrown in here." " No, there's no Dalton in here." "I know that." "Wait a minute." "There was a Jack here." "But he was killed a few days ago." "Aw, Jack." " How'd it happen?" " Deputy Bodine, El Toro Loco." "This Yankee and him, they were having a fight." "Then when he tried to run away, El Toro Loco shot him in the back." "Bodine." "Time!" "Time's up!" "Hey!" "My 1 2 hours are up." "It's over!" "I'm out of the penalty box." "Can any of you rubes tell time?" "Hey!" "Get out." "Jack!" "Hey, hey, compadre!" "Welcome to Club Dread." "The Chief?" "He's your friend Jack Dalton?" "Chief?" "Who is JD?" "Don't know." "John Doe, John Dead." "Let's get back to the living." "You met my amigo Pepe?" "Kid worships the ground I hobble on." "Can't say I blame him." " I thought you were dead." " A premature assumption, old buddy." "Glad you could make it." "Jack, we gotta get out of here." "Don't sweat it." "I got the lay of the land." "Let's do lunch." "You're with the Chief." "You don't have to eat that slop." "Keep it, Wrigley, we're dining out this evening." "The VIP suite." "We like to think of it as home sweet home." "You bunk there." "All right, Jack, start talking." "You're way too happy in this hellhole." "You haven't even tried to escape." "Why?" "Come on, escape is your specialty." "I got us in." "You get us out." " What a team." "What a plan." " Plan?" "What plan?" "The plan I have to recover the missing millions of B.B. Bartel." "B.B...?" "B.B. Bartel, the bank robber?" "Exactamundo." "Remember after that airport armoured car heist?" "He took a flight to the Deep South, bailed out with 5 million." " I don't want to hear this." " Here we go." "Eat while it's cold, the story gets better." "See, they never found the money." "Bartel was arrested later in Nebraska." "He wouldn't talk, so they threw the book at him." "He died in a penitentiary." " It's good, huh?" " Yeah." "Right from the warden's private henhouse." "Anyway, old B.B. was from Bayonne County." "Yep, right here." "And he hid the money in that zinc mine across the river." "How do you know all this?" " My Uncle Charlie." " Uncle Charlie?" "The man used to rob your piggy bank." "He's an ex-con!" "That's not to say his past hasn't worked to my advantage." "Au contraire, mon ami." "You see, B.B. Bartel and Uncle Charlie were close." "Very close." "They shared a cell at Leavenworth." "B.B. told Uncle Charlie where the money was before he died." "And you believed him." "Just out of curiosity, where is dear old Uncle Charlie now?" "He was supposed to meet me down here." "My suspicion is he bailed out when he saw the competition," "Warden Renfro and his boys." "This is supposed to be a prison work farm?" "We're not farming." "We're mining." "They're using us as slave labour to dig in the mine for that money." " Can you believe it?" " No, I can't." "Don't know how they found out about it." "Doesn't make sense." "None of it does, Jack!" "Just so I got this straight." "You got yourself arrested on purpose." "You conned me into coming here to help you find stolen money" " and then help you break out?" " Exactly." "We're partners, partner." "You did it to me again." "You actually..." "He did it." "He did it to me again." "You'll get your cut." "So will Pepe." "There's a 1 5 percent reward for the return of the money." "I don't give a rat's pyjamas about the money!" "We're gonna get out of here, and when we do, we're through." "That's it!" "This is the last wild-goose chase you're ever gonna take me on." "Wild goose chase?" "Pardonnez-moi." "What wild-goose chase?" "Uncle Charlie gave me a map." "X marks the spot." "Get your tails on up to the shaft and grab your gear." "Let's move it." "You!" "Don't try sneaking off looking for another place to take a nap, or you'll get something worse than the hot box." "Is that clear?" "Painfully clear." "Thank you, sir." "Come on, keep moving!" "He's a pussycat, really." " All the guards around here are." " Will you come back to the real world?" "They are not pussycats." "They're dangerous." "No pain, no gain." "There's gold in them there hills!" "Keep moving." "Wrigley, something in a hard hat, please." "Comin' through." "Warden Renfro hasn't got a clue where to look." "The map says B.B.'s money is hidden two shafts over." "We gotta create a diversion and hightail it there." " That's where you come in." " That's where I bow out." "I'm not gonna risk your life, Pepe's or mine" " over some dead man's money." " Come on..." " You come on!" "With me!" "Out of here!" " I'm not going." "Not without the money." "Suit yourself." "I'm gone." "Fine." "Why don't you just kill me right here." "Bash in my skull, save them the trouble." "Oh, will you get serious?" "All I wanna do is follow my dream." "You're the one that screwed it up the last time." " What are you talking about?" " Dalton Airways, that's what." "I finally got a plane." "I got it going." "What happened, do you remember?" "Huh?" "Self-sacrifice." "That's what happened." "I flew it to Central America, parked it in the Pacific" " to get you out of a jam, remember?" " Of course I..." "That was the beginning of my dream." "Now I have a chance to start it over." "The reward will give birth to Dalton Airways again." "Come on." "Help me." "It's legal." "Nobody gets hurt." "Be a pal." "What do you want me to do?" "Well, a little diversion to get us into portal six would be great." "These lamps work on a chemical reaction." "I'm gonna need a whole bunch." "Get as many as you can." "Done." "What'd I tell you?" "We're rolling now." "Get the lamp and the liner out and fill them with water." " Where you going?" " Need more helmets." "Darn things keep running out of fuel." "Give 'em a few more days on tunnel four before we start on five." "I want it picked clean." "That money is in one of those shafts." "Mine's been condemned a long time." "Makes the going dangerous." "It's no problem." "Just gives us a good excuse for burying the ones that eventually find the money for us." "One unfortunate accident, and we got no witnesses." "You know, I don't understand what I'm doing, but as long as you do, MacGyver, we're fine." "It's an illusion, Pepe." "We're gonna make our own gas leak with the same chemical reaction that lights these lamps." "It's not harmful, but it is effective." "When you mix the carbide with water, it creates a gas called acetylene." "You mean like they use in a welding torch?" "You got it." "Now my idea is to tape this flint to the head of the hammer, build a good thick cloud of gas make it spark, and we're on our way." "Great." "Then we'll be free." "And rich." "So I can go home, to my Rosa." "Is she your wife?" "No... not yet." "See, her family, they don't want her to marry me." "They say I'm a nobody." "They want her to marry a somebody, like you." "Like the Chief." "The Chief." "He's special, all right." "He's gonna need special intensive care when we get out." "Here we are, gentlemen." " Hard hats, anyone?" " Great." "Get the lamps off." "Fill those with water." " We in business?" " We're doing all right." "Just one thing:" "I don't want Pepe going into portal six." " It could be dangerous." " No, I'm with you all the way, guys." " I can help." " You bet you can." "We need somebody to spread the word there's a gas leak." "But when you find the money, you have to escape, no?" " You can't leave me behind." " It won't be for long, buddy." "We'll get the National Guard to come, nail them and get you out." "Pepe it's the best way." "We need you." " Okay." " Good man." "All right, here we go." "Brilliant." "I don't know what you're doing, but it's brilliant." "Pepe, take off." " Am I missing something?" " If this thing blows like it should," "I won't have time to go into what you're missing." " Just get ready to run." " Ready." "Gas!" "Gas!" "Go!" "Gas!" "Gas!" "What the hell's going on?" " Gas!" "There's a gas leak in the mine!" " There's a gas leak down there." "You men line up now!" "Get a head count on those prisoners!" "Keep them together!" " Now you boys stay right here." " Bodine." "Got him." "No!" "Back it up." "Get back." "Get back." "Chief..." "This is what happens when somebody tries to escape." "I hope you all can see the lesson in this." "Any more of you want to try, I can always use the practice." "Jack!" " I guess you wanna keep Pepe company." " Hold it, Bodine." "Blowing this malcontent away would be too quick a lesson." "Oh, man." "What this man needs is some serious discipline." "The man has no forehand." "Concentrate." "Use more wrist." "Step into it." "How's that, funny boy?" "Better." "Let's see, where were we?" " Oh, right, ten." " Nine." "Ten." "With my compliments." "Isn't this a crying shame?" "But this is what happens when a prisoner forms a hostile and disrespectful attitude." "I hate to see it and I know you'd hate to feel it." "Just ask Mr Dalton." "Cut him down." "Take care of your friend." "See he keeps his nose clean." "Help me get him back to the barracks." "I got him." "Easy, easy." "It's not right." "Pepe was harmless." "He'd be alive if he hadn't listened to me." "Jack... you did not shoot Pepe." "Bodine did." "I might as well have pulled the trigger." "I wish to hell I'd never heard of the map, the mine or the $5 million." "Why didn't I just listen to you?" "Why start now?" "The best thing we can do for Pepe is get out of this nightmare, notify the authorities." "I've been thinking about a way out." "You got a plan?" "It can wait till morning." "Try to get some sleep." "Jasper." "Yo, Jasper." "I gotta see Bodine and the warden." "What is all this, Wrigley?" "It'd better be worth my while." "Dalton and his friend MacGyver, they're planning to escape." " Good luck." " Heard 'em talking last night." "This MacGyver says he's got some plan." " When will this foolishness transpire?" " Soon." "Dalton?" "He's real worked up about Pepe." "He said something about forgetting the mine and the money." "He just wants to bug out." "Money?" "What money?" "I don't rightly know." "I mean, he was just jabbering on about $5 million and a map." "More of his foolishness, I expect." "Thank you, Wrigley." "I'll see that your diligence is rewarded." "Get on back to the barracks before you arouse suspicion." "Yes, sir." "Thank you, sir." "Dalton and his buddy weren't trying to escape." "That map of theirs must have showed them the way to B.B. Bartel's money." "Go get 'em." "I've got a phone call to make." "What's going on?" "Rise and shine, deadwood." "Step back, husky." " Move over." " Yes, sir." "You all heard me." "The warden wants you two to stop by for breakfast." "What the hell...?" "How'd you...?" "Get the other guards." "We'll hunt 'em down." "I got 'em, sir." "Chain the rest to their bunks and keep watch." "Yes, sir." "Y'all take the swamp road, see if the gators have ate them boys." "I want every guard out looking." "Prisoners are shackled." "One man on the gate's plenty." "Move out!" "Sir, you got it!" "Let's go!" "We gotta get to a phone, notify the authorities, get the state troopers." "Why didn't I think of it before?" "Louella!" "Sweet Louella." "Her place is five miles from here." "She'll help, don't worry." "Why would I worry?" "You're her agent." "Hey, you!" "Stop!" "Louella?" "Sweetheart!" "Jack Dalton!" " Well, are you a sight." " Likewise, I'm sure." "I've come to take you to Hollywood, but we have to use your phone." "Well, my phone is temporarily out of order." "No sweat." "MacGyver's a crackerjack." "He can fix anything." "'Morning, gentlemen." "Louella, I'm crushed." "I just stopped by this morning to discuss Louella's line of credit." "Didn't think you were coming back, Jack." "Wait a minute." "You boys broke out from that prison camp, didn't you?" "You did." "That's the warden's car right there." "We had to." "The warden's using prisoners for slave labour at the mine." " We wanna notify the authorities." " Oh, I beg to differ on that." "You see, gentlemen, I own that mine." "You boys must not have been raised too good." "Didn't your momma ever teach you it was impolite to leave without saying bye?" "We got a lot of talking to do, son." "You ought to go inside now, Louella." "This is man's business out here." "Anything you say, Lyle." "I'd say you boys got only one chance to redeem yourselves." "Where is the map?" "Come on, Hollywood, sing for me." "I..." "I..." "I got the map." " Well, then let's have it." " I got it right up here." " Do you now?" " Yep." "You boys want to work a deal?" "The only place you're gonna work is the spot where the money is buried." "Bodine?" "Get in the back, both of you." " Why'd you tell 'em?" " To keep us alive." "Grab the bar." "Your memory better be good, boy." "Your life depends on it." " How much further in?" " Not far." "I can't believe Uncle Charlie fell in with you clowns." "Well, we came into the picture kinda late." "Charlie come to the bank, wanted to talk to Hudson about getting at the mine." "Hudson pegged him right away as an ex-con," "I run a make on him, we find out he'd done time with B.B. Bartel." "We had a little chat, and Charlie spilled his guts." "Well, it's a nice, neat little plan you got here." "Prison labour to find the 5 million, a banker to launder it." "Well, it's nice to know you recognize genius when you see it, boy." " What happened to Charlie?" " You might say he got cold feet." "You might say he got cold all over." "Your Uncle Charlie died real fast." "You, I'm gonna have a lot more fun with." "Bodine, let's get on with it." "Well, this is where the map indicated." "X marks the spot!" "Well, this is it." "Must be in the mud pit." "Don't just stand there gawking." "Crank that thing up and haul it out." "My, my, ain't that a pretty sight." "We got it." "Hot damn, we got it." "Well, boys time for a parting' of the ways." "No point in leaving evidence around for Ballistics," "I always say." "These fellas escaped, holed up in the mine, lit a candle, it turned out to be a stick of dynamite." "Pitiful, ain't it?" "Bodine!" "MacGyver, the dynamite!" "No, no, no!" "Not the money, not the money!" "Mac!" "Get back!" "Five million bucks." "Forget it, Jack." "It's only money." "Well, that's that." "You bet it is." "As soon as I get home, I'm changing my number." "Come on, don't be like this." "We're partners, compadres," " a team, like hominy and grits." " Like gasoline and matches." "I'm moving my houseboat to an unlisted marina." " How could you do this to me?" " Do this to you?" "!" "You use me, you lie to me, you suck me in, you drive me up the wall!" "What are friends for?"