"TOUR GUIDE:" "And here. folks. are some of the most famous homes. shops and hotels in New York City." "Fifth Avenue. the street where the original 400 built their homes making it the most celebrated richest avenue in the world." "See it for yourself." "[WHISTLING]" "The famous homes of New York's Fifth Avenue." "That magnificent marble dwelling that we are now approaching is the Guggenhoff Mansion." "He was the copper king." "And there on your right that big brownstone mansion that's all boarded up that is the townhouse of the great industrial wizard Michael J. O'Connor." "The second-richest man in the world." "Leaders of society. business and politics built their homes upon this avenue." "Palatial homes worth millions." "See for yourself the famous homes of New York's Fifth Avenue." "The wealthiest and most fashionable avenue in the world's largest city." "To your left is the internationally known Museum of Science and History." "Look ahead and you will see at 90th street Andrew Carnegie's fabulous residence." "[WIND WHISTLING]" "[CLOCK CHIMING]" "[DOOR OPENS." "CLOSES]" "Well." "Sammy. everything looks just the same as usual." "It's certainly nice to be back again. ain't it?" "Come on." "Let's go up and clean up a bit." "[HORN HONKING]" " Well. is everything out?" " Yup." "Everything but the tenant in 4G." "He refuses to be evicted." "Refuses?" "Did you tell him the place is being torn down and Michael O'Connor's putting up an 80-story building?" "Yep." "I told him." "He said if an 80-story building goes up." "he's going up with it." "The manager's up arguing with the guy now." "But." "Mr. Bullock. you had ample notice." "Please put on your pants and vacate at once." "I've got rights." "Constitutional rights." "and that's what I'm standing" " Sitting on." "Besides Section 40." "Article 27 of the Housing Code no discharged veteran can be evicted." "There's no such regulation." " There isn't?" " No." "Well. there should be." "I refuse to be evicted. because a wealthy Croesus named Michael O'Connor wishes to perpetuate his name with an 80-story steel monument." "[BANGS HEAD]" "Mr. Bullock." "I'm terribly sorry" "Oh-ho." "So it's you again." "Well. if you came back to apologize." "you can." "Mr. Bullock. don't you realize this building is being torn down?" "Every tenant has vacated but you." "Listen. chum." "I've hunted three months for this foxhole and I'm not leaving this bed." "MANAGER:" "Will you vacate quietly. or must I-?" "Call your Cossacks." "I'll fight it out on this front if it takes all winter." "All right. boys." "Take him out." "[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]" " Come on." " There you are." "Do your worst." "I captured these handcuffs from a Japanese MP." "Little did I know that this souvenir of war would become the instrument of resisting tyranny." "Go ahead." "Let's see you move me now." "Ha!" "I'll fight this outrageous intrusion of human rights." "I'll sue Michael O'Connor." "He can't get away with this." "Because I'm in bed is no sign I'm taking this." "Michael O'Connor is an octopus." "A human. ah-ah. octopus slowly strangling civilization in his tentacles." "[WIND WHISTLING]" "[DOG GROWLING]" "[DOG BARKS]" "Sam. stop that." "Go on up here." "Come on." "Up." "Is that your dog?" "Yes." "I'm terribly sorry." "I suppose my dog and I are somewhat responsible." "Why don't you keep him on a leash?" "Well. he's not afraid I'll run away." "Are you." "Sam?" "[HUFFS]" "Say. you better go home and change." " Where do you live?" " Right here." "You're practically standing in the middle of my living room." "Draw up a chair and sit down." "Uh-uh." "Careful of those cigar ashes on the rug." "Oh. terrible thing. isn't it?" "The housing problem." "I'd settle for an upholstered steam-heated gutter." "Well. fortunately." "I solved my residential problem years ago." "[WHIMPERING]" "Say. he likes you." "And when Sam likes a stranger." "that's good enough for me." "I feel somewhat obligated." "Care to be my guest for the night?" "No." "I don't wanna trouble you." "Thanks. anyway." "Oh. it's no trouble at all." "As it happens." "I live alone." "I'd be delighted to have you." "Well. are you sure it would be all right with Sam?" "[BARKS]" "[WIND WHISTLING]" "Do you...?" "Do you always...?" "Only when the house is boarded up." "Only when the house is boarded up." "Yeah." "Come on." "JIM:" ""Michael O'Connor. winner Champion Class B Sloop. 1937 Newport Races. "" "Michael O'Connor." "Here you are. my boy." "Try this." "Well. isn't this just dandy?" "The great Michael O'Connor in person." "I've always wanted to see a walking cash register." "Listen. moneybags." "While guys like you are living here in Oriental splendor guys like me are being thrown out of $40-a-month apartments." "You so wrapped up in races you forgot there's a human race?" "My boy. much to my regret." "you've forced me to divulge a secret." "I am not Mr. O'Connor." "My name is McKeever." "Aloysius T. McKeever." "You mean. you're not...?" "Yeah. but isn't this...?" "I mean. don't you-?" "Well. let us say that I'm a guest of Mr. O'Connor." "Oh." "I'm sorry." "I thought maybe..." " You mean you live here all alone?" " Uh-huh." "Where's O'Connor?" "In Virginia." "A place called Bubbling Springs." "Oh. it's quite beautiful there." "O'CONNOR:" ""Evicted tenant calls O'Connor octopus. "" "Heh." "What do you think of that?" "Couldn't you have kept this thing out of the newspapers?" "Publicity like this doesn't do me or the project any good." "I was on my way down here." "Picked up the paper at the airport." "Octopus." "Heh." "Well. let's get on." "[MEN CHATTERING]" "Gentlemen. you're wondering why I called this conference." "The building we're constructing in New York. as you're well aware of is merely the first link in our postwar plans." "Our new headquarters. in fact." "Link number two is right there." "Take a good look. gentlemen." "[MEN MURMURING]" "This is the main terminal of our newest and greatest venture." "An air cargo network that will span the globe." "And with the proper facilities." "as you see here vast quantities of industrial cargo can be moved by air a dozen times as rapidly as present land and water transportation." " Well. gentlemen. what do you think of it?" " It's inspired." "Michael." " But you're not going to build all of this." " It's an ambitious undertaking." "Where are you gonna get sufficient property?" "Tell them." "Farrow." "Well. believe it or not. gentlemen." "we're getting it from the government." "From the government?" "Exactly." "The government owns Camp Kilson." "over 300 acres. just outside the city." "It's to be sold one month from today and they will accept any reasonable offer." "Farrow here is flying to Washington tonight to find out what they consider reasonable" "Your pills." "Mr. O'Connor." "Oh." "Mm." " Ah." "And now. gentlemen" " Excuse me." "There's a long-distance call from your daughter's school." " Not now." "I'll call her back." " It isn't your daughter." "It's the headmistress." "and she says it's very urgent." "Mull over that project for a moment." "gentlemen." "I'll be right with you." " I'll take it in here." " Yes. sir." "MAN:" "I don't think..." "[MEN CHATTERING]" "Hello?" "Yes. this is Mr. O'Connor." "Trudy was missing from class this morning." "I'm terribly afraid she's run away." "Mr. O'Connor." "Well." "I don't understand this." "Yes. yes." "Do that." "And I'll keep you posted." "Thanks." "Goodbye." "FARROW:" "Mr. O'Connor. anything I can do?" "O'CONNOR:" "Do you suppose she's gone to her mother?" "I have no idea. but I doubt it." "Farrow. phone our legal department in New York." "I want the best detective agency they can get." "Check every hotel. every airport. railroad and bus station in New York." "Chicago and all points west." "Tell New York to keep in constant touch with me till they find her." "[SHAVER WHIRRING]" "[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING O VER RADIO]" "[WHIRRING AND MUSIC STOP]" "Hey." "Mac." "Mac. quit playing with the light switch." "[MUSIC RESUMES]" "Hey. what goes on here?" "Jim. what time is it?" "Four minutes to 9." "Can't be them." "It's too early." "It can't be who?" "And who's too early?" "Never mind." "[TURNS RADIO OFF]" "[FOOTSTEPS APPRO ACHING]" "Did you say you lived here alone?" " Yes." " Well. you've got company." "Somebody's coming up the stairs." "[WHISPERS]" "JIM:" "Well. you've got pretty good taste." "haven't you?" "Come on." "Shed that mink." " Who are you?" " A fur trapper." " Come on. give." " Get your hands off me." "Okay. sister. you wanna play rough." "I said. take it off." "[SIGHS]" "What are you people doing here?" "Oh. we just hang around to see that little girls like you don't swipe great big mink coats like this." "You get out of here before I call the police." "You'll call the police?" "[CHUCKLES]" "That I've gotta see." "There's a phone." "Go on. call them." "Oh. just a moment." "Uh" "Jim." "I'd like to speak to you outside for just a minute." "Excuse us. miss." "[MOUTHS WORDS]" "Now. remember." "no tricks or we'll call the cops." "Psst." " Say. what's the idea?" " Shh." "What's the idea of you grabbing the phone?" "Jim." "I'm afraid we're in no position to let her call the police." "Why not?" "Because the young lady." "no matter who she is has as much right here as we have." "I don't get it." "Aren't you a guest of O'Connor?" "Well. yes." "Except that Mr. O'Connor doesn't know about it." "JIM:" "But you're a friend of his. aren't you?" "That is. if anybody can be a friend of that guy." "McKEEVER:" "Never laid eyes on him." "Our paths have never crossed." "You live here without permission?" " Mm-hm." " But how do you get away with it?" "Oh. it's not hard at all." "Mr. O'Connor boards up the house and goes to his estate in Virginia on November 1 st." "I move in on November 3rd." "JIM:" "But suppose he comes back?" "McKEEVER:" "Oh-ho." "He never comes back till March 15th." "I leave on March 13th." "It works out very well that way." "[CHUCKLES] Why. you old possum." "You're bound to get caught." "You know that." "They never even came close in all the three winters I've been here." "I never do any harm." "As a matter of fact." "I do a lot of good." "I dust off the furniture every once in a while." "I wind the clocks." "You take these clothes I'm wearing." "If it weren't for me." "they'd be in the closet gathering moths." "[CHUCKLES]" "I take them out for an airing every day." "Say. what are we gonna do about her?" "McKEEVER:" "You leave it to me." "I'll give her a lecture and send her home." "Come on." " Young lady. we've decided that" " Please don't call the police." "I know I shouldn't have broken in." "But well." "I'm applying for a job tomorrow." "and I needed a coat so" "That's a fine excuse." "It isn't an excuse." "It's true." "Look." "I'll show you." ""Wanted." "girl with personality to sell sheet music." "Must play piano." "Apply Times Square Melody Shop. "" "Oh. sure." "Sure. you've gotta wear a mink coat when you work in a music shop." "They play those Frank Sinatra records." "chills run up and down your spine." "It gets cold." "You have to wear a mink coat." "It's the first time I ever did a thing like this." "Please don't call the police." "Young lady. don't you know there's a law against breaking into other people's homes?" "I do but I was alone and hungry and desperate." "I..." "[SIGHS]" "I'll get some water." "Yeah. hurry." "[TAPPING HAND]" "Here." "You feel better?" "Much." "Say. when was the last time you ate?" "I'd rather not talk about it." "McKEEVER:" "Oh. where do you live?" "In Dubuque." "with my 13 brothers and sisters." "Fourteen children?" "Well. the neighbors must call your house the Stork Club." "These cookies are very nice." "Won't you have one?" "The gates patrol." " Out of sight. quick." " Here we go again." "Now. wait a minute." "Get these dishes." "Pull them up." "Hurry." "Now. into the kitchen." "Quick." "McKEEVER:" "Get in here." "Quick." "Shh." "I thought I heard something." "It's the gates patrol." "They generally come around every night at 10." "They're a little early tonight." "Yeah. but why the blackout?" "Well." "I've arranged a gadget at the front door so that all the lights go out when the door opens." "Why do we have to hide in the ice box?" "Young lady. you may as well know." "I'm an interloper here. the same as you are." "Oh." " You mean. you go through this every night?" " Yeah." "You get used to it." "In fact. it's kind of fun after a while." "[CHUCKLES]" "Hello?" "This is Brady. reporting." "Okay at the O'Connor house." "How'd you like to live in a joint like this?" "What?" "And have room for the rest of my wife's relations?" "Oh." "Here. put this on." "Thanks." "Anybody in that house?" "Who are you?" "I'm looking for a girl." "Michael O'Connor's daughter." "She ain't in there." "That joint's as empty as a sewing basket in a nudist camp." "Young lady. we have decided not to turn you over to the police." "Oh." "I was sure you wouldn't." "How can I thank you." "Mr...?" "McKeever is the name." "Aloysius T. McKeever." "And this is Jim Bullock." "You know." "New York is no place for a kid without friends." "I'm not a kid." "And besides." "I have friends." "I have you and Mr. McKeever." "Well. yeah. but you're used to a home and a big family." "Besides. the other 13 kids might get lonesome." "Say. you're not all planning to come here. are you?" "[CHUCKLES] Oh. no." "I'm thankful you're letting me stay." "But you must go back home." "Oh. please. no." "Not that." "I can't go back to him." "You're married?" "It's my father." "He's a drunkard." "he's lazy and he beats us." " Beats all 14 of you?" " Every night." "You're old man's not lazy." "I can't go back." "Please don't send me." "Please." "There. there." "I understand." "I wouldn't want any girl to go home to a brute like that." "Now. you stay here." "Just for tonight." "And in the morning. you try to get that job in the music shop." "I'II lend you a coat to wear." "but not the mink." "Something less expensive." "You be sure to bring it back." "I will." "Well. it's getting late." "Now. you can sleep in the room where we found you." "Be sure to make your bed in the morning." " But don't touch anything." " I won't." " Good night." " Good night." "JIM:" "Good night." " Good night." "Jim." "[TRUD Y SINGING "YOU'RE EVERYWHERE"." "PIANO PLAYING]" "Okay. okay." "We'll make it 30 bucks." "You start tomorrow morning." "TRUD Y:" "Jim." " Hi." "He hired me." "Thirty dollars a week and I start in the morning." "Swell." "What are you doing here?" "Oh. just looking around." "For this coat?" " Don't worry." "I'll return it." " Heh." "I'm not worried if you're not." "Jim." "Margie." "Jim Bullock." " Margie. gee. it's swell to see you." " Same here." " What you doing here?" " Same as everybody else." " Looking for a place to live." " Heh." "Hi. fellow." "What's your name?" " Jackie." " Oh. this is Jackie." "How's tricks." "Jackie?" " He's a dead ringer for his old man." " He sure is." "Oh." "Jim. this is Alice." "Hank's wife." "Jim Bullock." "JIM:" "How do you do?" " How do you do?" "JIM:" "Hank's wife. huh?" "What do you know?" "[BABY COOING]" "A baby." "Say. he's cute." "Hank's?" "ALICE:" "He helped." " Where are you living?" " Right here." " How do you like our penthouse on wheels?" " Swell." "JIM:" "Where are Hank and Whitey?" " We got a line on an apartment." "They're upstairs." "working on the landlord." "Haven't seen those two monkeys since we're in the guardhouse." "I'm going up and surprise them." "Excuse me." "Say. where have you been?" "Margie. this is Trudy." "Trudy. say hello to Margie." "You gals can talk over old times." "I'll be back in a minute." " Well. boys. what do you say?" " Oh. yes. sir. we'll take it." "Wrap it up and put our initials on it." "Any deposit?" " Three months rent in advance." " Three months?" "JIM:" "Attention." "HANK AND WHITEY:" "Jim." "Why. you ugly pair of goldbricking K.P.'s." "[ALL LAUGH]" " You're looking great." " You make a pretty good civilian yourself." " Ha-ha." "Hank. how are you?" " Swell." "Jim." " I got married since the last time I saw you." " I know." "Met the family downstairs." "A swell-looking baby you rang up there." "And." "Whitey. that kid of yours." "Ha." "He's a dead ringer for the old man." "The hair. the eyes. the nose..." "What's the matter?" "Did I say something wrong?" "You certainly did." "We don't allow dogs or children." "Oh. look. mister." "What harm is there in a couple of kids?" "Why. one of them is only a baby." "They're very small." "They only take up that much space." " Why. sure." " One of the kids is sick." "Come on. mister." "Give us a break." "I'm sorry." "It's a rule of the house." "We don't take children." "But we need a place to live." "The kids need a place to live." " What have you got against children?" " It's a rule." "Naturally. you can't break the rule." "If he lets yours in." "everybody start having children." " Then what would happen?" " I'll tell you what we'll do." "We'll drown them." "Would that make you happy?" " Were you ever a baby?" " No." "He's something left over from meat rationing." "Rules are rules." "[WATER SPLASHING]" "ALL:" "Rules are rules." "[MUFFLED GRUNTING]" "[BABY CRYING]" "Come on." "Mac." "What gives?" "Well. you're placing me in a very embarrassing position." "Look." "Mac. these people have gotta have a place to live." "You're O'Connor's guest." "I'm O'Connor's guest." "Okay. we'll all be O'Connor's guests." "It's just until they find a place." "Mr. McKeever." "Please?" "Oh. dear." "Not in my 20 years of living as a guest in other people's homes have I ever been faced with a situation like this." "[BABY CRYING]" "Still. we can't very well turn children away." "Mm-mm." "Ooh." "[GIGGLES]" "McKEEVER:" "Cute." "A boy?" "ALICE:" "Yes." " Yeah." "Ha-ha-ha-ha." "Hello." "Hello." "Hello there." "Hello there." "Ahhhh." "Boo!" "[BOTH CHUCKLE]" "Oh. he's smiling." "He's cute." "[BABY HICCUPS]" "Well." "I guess we can manage somehow." " Oh. gee. thanks." " Thanks very much." " Attaboy." "Mac." " Ha-ha." "Tell me. have you been married long?" " Seven years." " Oh." " Are you happy?" " Sure." "Whitey's a great guy." "Say. you're a little crazy about Jim." "aren't you?" "Oh. he's nice." "but he doesn't know I'm alive." "[CHUCKLES] He calls me Cookie." "What did Whitey call you?" " Sugar because I was hard to get." " Heh." "Tell me. what made him propose?" "Well. it happened at the movies." "Gregory Peck and this blond were getting married." "So I said to Whitey." "I said." ""Gee." "I sure wish that was us. "" "And Whitey said. "Uh-huh. "" "And then I said." ""Ain't marriage wonderful?"" "And Whitey said. "Uh-huh. "" "And. then I said." ""Why don't we get married?"" "And Whitey said. "Uh-huh. "" "And. oh. after all. how can you say no when a fellow coaxes you like that?" "[BOTH LAUGH]" "You know. while I was in the Army I heard all about those $ 100-. $ 150-a-week jobs." "What happened to them?" "They're around." "But you gotta have what it takes to land them." "Yeah." "That's what makes it tough." "I sure wish I had some experience at something." "Some guys seem to get by without experience. even without money." "How do you do it." "McKeever?" "Well." "I believe that people who require money should work for it." "As for myself." "I gave up working years ago." "I never could make enough to satisfy my lavish tastes so I let other people work for it." "and I enjoy it." "Yeah. but suppose you had a wife and a kid." "Suppose you had to make dough." "My boy." "when you come right down to it making money is simply a matter of analysis." "I'd like to have a blueprint on that one." "McKEEVER:" "All right." "Now. analyze the times." "Figure out what people want most." "then try to give it to them." "Now. use yourselves as an example." "What do you want most?" " A job." " And a place to live." "Exactly." "You'll find plenty of vacancies if you boys just use your heads." "[CHUCKLES]" "That came out sounding a little different from the way I meant it." "Mac. where are all these vacancies?" "Army barracks." " Are you kidding?" " Why. no. my boy." "Vacant Army barracks in hundreds of deserted Army camps from coast to coast." "Electricity. gas and water in every one of them." "Say. you know he's got something there." "Mac. you're a genius." "They need guys like you down in Washington." "No." "Things are balled up enough down there." "[LAUGHS]" "Army barracks." "It's made to order." "I could redesign them." "A few plumbing changes. closet space." "a little landscaping" "Wait. where do we get the dough to pay for all this?" "Who's got the dice?" "We need a couple million bucks in a hurry." "Hey." "Jim. where do we get the dough?" " The dough?" " Mm-hm." "Well. we get the dough the same place we get the labor." "Two or three hundred ex-GI's just like us." "And we're all partners." "McKEEVER:" "Gentlemen. gentlemen." "Your problem of capital is secondary." "Now. the first thing to be considered is which camp you intend to reconvert first." "If the government will sell." "and if so. for how much. right?" "MEN:" "Right." "Now. do any of you boys know Camp Kilson?" "Oh. sure." "That's just outside of New York." "That's where I was induced into the Army." "Induced." "You mean. inducted." "Oh. no." "Me. they had to induce." "Heh." "Oh. yeah. it's a swell idea but how do we know the government will sell the property?" "My boy. go down to Washington and find out." "I was a government clerk there while Hank was overseas." " I know my way around." " Swell." "Hank. why don't you and Alice get all the information?" " Yeah." " But what about the baby?" "Oh. gee. that's right." "There's Margie and Trudy." "They'd be glad to take care of him." "And I personally will mix its drinks." "Yeah." "I mean supervise its formula." "Well. what do you say. honey?" " Well. all right." " Good." "Okay. fellas." "Alice and I'll drive down tomorrow." "Boy. if this Camp Kilson deal works out." "we're really in the chips." "And Mac. that goes for you too." " After all. this was your idea." " Heh-heh." "TRUD Y:" "Good evening. everyone." "Has anyone a light?" "Now. ahem. as you were saying..." "Excuse me." "[COUGHS]" "What are you dressed for?" "I have a date." "Whose dress is that?" "Miss O'Connor's." "Oh. at it again. huh?" "Remember. don't touch that mink coat." "If Mr. McKeever can wear Mr. O'Connor's clothes I guess I can wear Miss O'Connor's." "[HUMMING]" "JIM:" "Hey. be careful with that thing." "Oh. it's not loaded." "See?" "[CLICKS]" "I know all about guns." "My father used to take me quail hunting." "I thought your old man was a drunkard." "He hunted quail while he was drunk." "Heh." "He thought they were ducks." "If you know all about guns." "you should know how to aim it." "Show me how you do it." "Well. the Army taught us this way." "First. you place the butt of the gun firmly against the right shoulder." "Mm-hm." "Left hand well forward under the barrel." "Now. you take a good aim." "Now. with the right forefinger firmly on the trigger you squeeze gently." "Squeeze..." "Tighter." "Tighter." "Tighter." "[GLASSES SHATTERING]" "It sounded like a shot." "[BOTH LAUGH]" "MAN:" "What happened in there?" "Trudy." "Hello." "Dad." "Well. what a surprise." "So this is why I had to come all the way to New York." "Trudy." "I'm a very busy man." "Now. get in the car." "Get in the car. please." " Now. then" " Now. look." "Dad." "Before you say anything." "I'm not going back to finishing school." " And why not?" " Because I'm finished." "Besides." "I've met somebody." "Dad." "Somebody I like very much." "In fact." "I'm in love." "Oh. that's ridiculous." "Why. you're only 18." "My goodness. a girl of 18 is practically middle-aged nowadays." "Women get married at 11 in India." "Yeah. but this isn't India." "Joe. drive to the house." "You can't do that." "Well. why?" "Why can't I go to my own house?" "Because I'm staying there." "only they don't know that I'm me." "Who don't know that you're you?" "Mr. McKeever and Jim." "Who the blazes are they?" "Mr. McKeever is the man who moves in when you move out." "Do you mean to say you invited two men to live in my house?" "No." "They just moved in." "at least." "Mr. McKeever did." "Oh. and who is this Jim?" "Oh. he's wonderful." "He thinks I'm a thief." "and you're a drunkard and that you beat me." " This is fantastic." " Heh-heh." "Squatters living in my house." "Joe. stop the car and pick up the nearest officer you can find." "All right." "Dad." "Call the officer." "call the whole police force." "Have it your way." "You always do." "O'CONNOR:" "Trudy." "Trudy. where you going?" "That's no concern of yours from now on." "Dad." "Goodbye." "Taxi." "Trudy. wait a minute." "Trudy." "Trudy." "Trudy." "Trudy." "Trudy." "Joe. drive to the Waldorf Towers and hurry." "Yes. ma'am." "Now." "Trudy. listen." "I" "Why." "I beg your pardon?" "I beg yours." "Why..." "I'm too old to be chasing all over town after you." "You know. honey." "I'm still your father." "Now. please sit down." "Now. let's talk this over like two sensible people." "What's troubling you." "Trudy?" "Dad." "I'm terribly unhappy." "Well. why. dear?" "I've given you every luxury a girl could want." "And you think I should be happy." "I used to be. years ago." "when I was little." "When you were little?" "It's true." "Dad." "Everything was wonderful then because I had you and mother and that's all that counted." "Then something happened." "I never did know just what." "You and mother separated." "I was sent off to school and I'd lie awake nights trying to figure it out." "I've been lonely." "Dad." "That's why I ran away." "How long have you known this Jim?" "All my life. it seems." "What do you want me to do?" "Meet Jim." "All right." "I'll meet him." "You will?" "Thanks." "Dad." "Oh. but not as Michael O'Connor." "And what's wrong with Michael O'Connor?" "Nothing. but if he knew who you were well." "I'd always be wondering." "About what?" "If he were really thinking of me or your bank account." " Oh." "Trudy. that's" " Oh. please." "Dad." "You've always had your way." "Let me have mine just once?" "Okay. now what?" "MAN:" "Well. there you are." " Twelve dollars. already you look good." " Yeah." " Here. here's your hat." " Heh." "There you are." "Oh." "Trudy. this is positively outrageous." "You're not satisfied?" "All right." "I throw into the bargain another hat." "It should maybe come from the head of a duke." "Yes. yes." "I'm sure it did." "I'm sure." "Pay him the money." "Let's get..." " Wait a minute. wait a minute." " Huh?" "How much will you allow me for these?" "Well. $6." "Six dollars for a brand-new tailor-made outfit?" "Your suit is all-wool." " Why. certainly. it's all-wool." " Oh..." "That's bad." "Wool is bad?" "Look. when the moths are hearing I got here an all-wool suit one moth tells the other." "They're coming for a banquet." "They're bringing their friends." "Pretty soon." "I got here a moth convention." "A spray gun." "I gotta buy." "insecticide." "I gotta buy all night long." "I am staying and spraying." "I'm not coming home." "My wife is getting mad." "She's leaving for Reno." "She's getting a divorce." "What am I getting?" "Custody of the moths." "Alimony I am paying." "Payments I am missing." "To jail I'm going." "My business I'm losing." "I'm a bum." "All because you are bringing in here an all-wool suit." "Pay him quick before he names me correspondent." "[SINGING AND WHISTLING "IT'S A WONDERFUL." "WONDERFUL FEELING"]" "[SINGING." "WHISTLING STOP]" "Oh. look at that poor man on the bench." " What's the matter with him?" " Can't you see?" "He's cold and hungry." "How can you see he's hungry?" "Well. he must be." "Mr. McKeever. couldn't we invite him?" "Trudy. please." "You know how crowded the house is now." "And we can't take in every tramp in New York." "Oh. there's lots of food and lots of room." " Hello." " Hello." "What's your name?" "Mike." "Hi." "Mike." "I'm Trudy." "And this is Jim." " How are you?" " Hi." "I've seen your face someplace." "Could be." "I've been following it around for a long time." "This hooligan been trying to make a touch. lady?" "Oh. no. officer. he" "If it's a place to sleep you want." "try a flophouse." "If you're hungry. try the soup kitchens." "But no loafing in the park." "Go on." " Beat it." " Now. look." "But. officer. he's a friend of mine. ours." "In fact. he's a relative." "Don't worry. officer." "We'll take care of him." "Huh" "Oh. the poor man." "he's weak from hunger." "He doesn't look undernourished to me." "My good man. would you care to come home and have a bite with us?" "Of course he would." "TOUR GUIDE:" "And there on your right that big. brownstone mansion that's all boarded up that is the townhouse of the great industrial wizard." "Michael J. O'Connor the second-richest man in the world." "Hmm." "Is this my home or a laundry?" "Shh." "Heh." "Well." "Mike. you see." "we're all one big happy family here." "Now. make yourself at home." "I'll try." "Mighty nice lounging robe you have there." "I'm glad you like it." "Say. you know." "I believe we're about the same size." "Maybe I'II let you wear it sometime." "Oh." "I wouldn't deprive you." "Cigar smells pretty good too." "Well." "I might let you smoke one sometime." "Thank you." "Hey. you better go and scrub up a bit." "you're pretty dirty." "I'll go and rustle you up some food." "He tells me to scrub up." "Aah!" "TRUD Y:" "Oh." "Mike. are you all right?" "Oh. what happened?" "Are you hurt?" "Trudy. who is this woman?" "And why has she erected a gallows in the reception hall?" "This is Margie." "Mike." "I'm terribly sorry." "but we have to hang the wash in here." "Why?" "Well. we can't very well hang it outside. can we?" "Trudy." "I don't mean to be inquisitive but how many people are living in this house?" "Maybe I should install a room clerk." "[HAMMERING]" "Great Scott. what's that?" "That's Jim." "He's building a barracks in the cellar." "A barrack-?" "Isn't this house big enough?" "Does he have to build a barracks in the cellar?" "McKEEVER:" "Come and get it." "Mike." " Come and get what?" " Shh." "Food." " Yeah." "Oh." "Trudy." "Trudy. take a look." "A complete model." "Each barrack. when partitioned off." "will house 12 families." "Two bedrooms. bath." "living room. kitchen for each." "Jim. that's wonderful." "Mike." "Jim and Whitey are going to buy Army barracks and transform them into model houses." " It's a wonderful idea." " Great." "I suggest they build a model poorhouse too so they can all move in when the idea fizzles." "Well. that's gratitude for you." "You feed a guy like that and he gets sarcastic." "Yeah. what's he sore about?" "Well. he'll be more sociable when he eats. won't you?" "Well. go ahead." "Mike." "Dig in." "[STAMMERING]" "I better not." "Something lighter. perhaps." "Hmm?" "Maybe he'd like to have some crépe suzettes." "Or some breast of hummingbird on toast." "AII I want is milk and crackers." "that is if you gentlemen don't mind." " Milk and crackers?" " Ulcers." "Only the rich get ulcers." "Oh. what he means is that he hasn't eaten for so long his stomach won't hold solid food." "Mike. isn't that it?" "Yes. that's what I should have said." "JIM:" "Trudy. don't forget the baby's milk." "Oh. my goodness." "I forgot." "Oh. it's way past his feeding time." "Mm-hm." "Great little mother. isn't she?" "Hmm." "Mother." "Mother?" "Baby?" "Oh. no. it can't be." "She's been in school." "Baby." "[BABY CRYING]" "[TRUD Y HUMMING]" "Oh. my." "Trudy." "I'd like to have a talk with you." "Does it have to be right now?" "Right now." "It's most important." "Now. first." "I want to ask" "Hello." "Hello. sweetie." "Yes." "Look at the little darling." "Isn't he an angel?" "You know." "he's got dimples just like yours." "Ahem." "Madam. would you mind if I spoke with my-?" "With Trudy alone. please." "[DOOR CLOSES]" "Trudy." "I have just thought this all over." "What's done is done." "I consent to the marriage." "You're still my daughter and I'll stand by your choice." "Oh." "Dad. you will?" "Really?" "Of course I will. darling." "[CHUCKLES]" "But just tell me one thing." "Where did you meet this Jim?" "How did all this happen?" "I don't really know myself." "He was just another man when I first met him." "I think it happened in the ice box." "[BABY WAILING]" "In the ice box?" "We were hiding from the gates patrol." "It was cold and his arm was around me." "Mr. McKeever was there too." "McKeever was there?" "Oh. yes. the whole time." "Heh." "He wanted to send me away afterward. but I wouldn't go." "He's really very nice." "Yeah. he must be." "You'II like Jim too when you get to know him better." "Eh" " I'm sure I will." "Well." "I guess there's no use crying over spilled milk." "You say you love this fellow?" " Very much." " Very well then." "If you're married. you're married." "Congratulations." "You have my blessing." "But." "Dad. we're not married." "You're not married?" " No." "He hasn't asked me yet." " He ha-?" "Jim's funny." "He takes his time about doing things." "He does. eh?" "I don't even know if he wants to marry me." "If he wa" "[BABY CRYING]" "Hmm!" "What kind of a man is he?" "That chicken-hearted blackguard." "I'll kill him." "I'll kill him with my bare hands." "The rat in mouse's clothing." "ALICE:" "Hello." " Did you think we were never coming back?" "ALICE:" "How did you like playing nursemaid?" "TRUD Y:" "I enjoyed every minute of it." "Ha-ha." "Hello. darling." " Did you get lonesome for Mommy?" " Heh." " Say." "I hope he wasn't much bother." " Not at all." "I only wish he were mine." "[BABY COOING]" "Pardon me." "Is that your baby?" " Well. my husband has a half interest." " Uh-huh." "[CHUCKLES]" "She's a pretty little thing. isn't he?" "Hmm." "Hank. what's the dope?" "What happened in Washington?" "Oh. brother." "What a merry-go-round that is." "I've been through so many revolving doors." "I'm still traveling in circles." "Well. they're willing to sell the land." "barracks and all." "But there's a catch." "Yeah. there always is." "They've had an offer of 150.000 and the property is to be sold in 10 days to the highest bidder." "Buck up. we're not licked yet." "We'll offer them 160.000." "Who will offer who 160.000?" "Gentlemen." "there's no harm in making an offer." "If they accept." "then is the time to worry about where you are gonna get the 160.000." "The essence of big business." "gentlemen is never put one worry ahead of another." "Here you are." "Mike." "Oh. thank you." "You're terribly sloppy." "You'll have to be more orderly or you can't stay." "As a matter of fact." "your staying here tonight is against my better judgment." "I'm sorry to inconvenience you." "Well. it's these spells you have." "these fits." "Now." "I can't have you upstairs near the women and children." "You'll have to sleep in the servant's room downstairs." "Sam sleeps in there too." "He'll bark at about 7 a. m." "Let him out in the yard." "I won't have to get up so early." "[McKEEVER WHISTLING]" "Hello." "Phillips?" "It's me." " Did Farrow get back from Washington?" " No. sir." "Mr. O'Connor." "He's flying in tomorrow morning." "Well. tell him I'll call him at the office." "No. no. no." "I'm not kidnapped." "No." "I'm in town. in an ice box." "I can't tell you where." "In the meantime. listen." "Wire Wickersham and tell him I'll take 6 million for that West Coast chain." "Oh." "Did Mason make an offer for that steel mill lease?" "What?" "A million and a half?" "[CHUCKLES] No. tell him no soap." "Nothing less than 3 million." "And if American Foods goes up half a point tomorrow. sell a hundred thousand shares." "Right." "And if you" "Mike. come out of that ice box." "Mike. if you insist on using the telephone in here I'd suggest you wear an overcoat." "I know it's a great temptation." "but you must control it." " Control what?" " This playing at being a millionaire." "Just because you're living in a millionaire's house." "Maybe I am a millionaire." "[CHUCKLES]" "All right." "Mike." "You're a millionaire." "Now. come on." "You've got a million dishes to wash." "Not with that." "You might break them." "Come on." "[DOOR CLOSES]" "[DOG GROWLING]" "Please." "Over here." "[GROWLING]" "Not here. over there." "Can I get in bed with you?" "[SIGHS]" "No." "Go get in bed with your father." " I can't." " Why not?" "Because he's in bed with my mother." "Look. sonny." "I'm tired and I wanna get some sleep." "Now. you run along." "Now." "I'm sure the sandman is looking for you." "Good night. sonny. good night." "Have a good. good. good" "[DOG BARKING]" "Dad." "Dad. are you awake?" "Awake?" "How can anybody sleep in this bear trap?" "Turn on those lights." "You'll wake the whole house up." "All right. let them wake up." "Help me up here." " Help me up." " What happened?" "Well. help me up." "Trudy. let me tell you something." "I control a dozen corporations." "coal mines. steamships. railroads." "I push a button and make a bank president." "But never in my whole life has anyone ever made a fool of me." "Washing dishes." "A servant in my own house." "to a crowd of squatters." "A valet to a dog." "He barks at 7 and I have to take him for a promenade." "And as for that Mr. McBeetle who smokes my cigars and wears my clothes and drinks my brandy he's leaving this house in the morning." "Yes. and that goes for your precious Jim too." "But." "Dad. you promised." "And where would they go?" "They have no place and this big house with nobody living in it." "It just isn't right." "And as for Jim." "Yeah. he'll be the first to go." "Believe me." "What kind of a man is he?" "Why doesn't he go to work?" "He's going to." "Dad." "He's got a marvelous idea." "He's really going places." "He sure is. right out on the sidewalk." " But." "Dad." " I've had enough." "Now." "Trudy. listen I want all of these people out of this house in 24 hours or I'm having them arrested for vagrancy and trespassing." "Dad. please." "You heard me." "24 hours or I'm calling the police." "Good night." "[DOG BARKING]" "Hello." "Western Union?" "I wanna send a telegram. please." "To Mrs. Mary O'Connor." "Royal Palms Hotel Palm Beach." "Florida." ""Dear mother..." "[VOICE BREAKING] ... please fly New York at once." "Will contact you." "Waldorf Towers." "Terribly urgent." "Love." "Trudy. "" "Yes. darling." "I'm sure you're in love with this Jim." "You have all the symptoms." " What does your father think of him?" " Dad's going to have him arrested." "Well. whatever for?" "Loving you?" "No." "For trespassing." "Well. that's the same thing. isn't it?" "To your father." "I think it's awful of him. mother." "Those people haven't done a single thing but live in that big old. vacant house." "Well. there must be more than one way to skin a cat or an O'Connor." "Of course. darling." "I haven't seen your father in four years." "[CHUCKLES]" "But I think I know just how to cope with this situation." "Your household will have to make room for another guest." "You. mother?" " Why not?" " Well..." "Don't worry." "I won't give anything away." "[CHUCKLES]" "Oh. mother. you're an angel." "I can't understand how Dad ever let you go." "Oh. honey." "There are lots of things about your father that are difficult to understand." "Well. now." "I'll take my face off. and" "Oh. where am I going to find some old clothes?" "I know just the place." "McKEEVER:" "Mike." "Rule number one in this house is never come in or go out through that front door." "Oh." "I'm sorry." "Where did you get the key?" "I found the key while I was cleaning." "Well. come on. hand it over." "[TONGUE CLICKING]" "Why." "I must be dreaming." "Smells like slumgullion." "Slumgullion?" "It's a kind of an Irish stew." "[CHUCKLES]" "I haven't eaten it for years." "As a matter of fact. it was on account of slumgullion I fell in love and got married." "It must be quite a dish." "Yes. she was." "My wife made the finest slumgullion in the whole state." "Wife?" "Well." "I don't see her anymore." "We're divorced." "I" "[SNIFFING]" "By George. that is slumgullion." "Yeah. could be." "We've got a cook now." "[SNIFFING]" "Slumgullion." "Taste familiar?" "Mary." "Hello." "Michael." "Well. this is a surprise." "I thought it would be." "May I ask what are you doing here?" "Same thing you're doing here." "I came to meet Jim." "Oh." "And have you had that extreme pleasure?" "I have. and I found him to be everything Trudy said he was." "Oh. indeed. indeed." "You've taken on a little weight since I last saw you. in the wrong places." "It's the clothes." "and you're no Van Johnson yourself." "I can remember when you only had one chin." " Indeed." "Well. let me tell you" " Shh." "Stop shushing me." "I won't" "We're going to dispose of this nonsense once and for all." "Imagine an 18-year-old girl wanting to marry this" "You married me when I was 17." "And look what happened to us." "Nothing happened to us that a little fidelity couldn't have cured." "Are you accusing me of infidelity?" "I am." "You left me and married your money." "Nonsense." "And besides." "I resent your being here." "Trudy belongs in school and that's where she's going." "Shh." "Not so loud." "You listen to me." "Michael O'Connor." "Trudy is in love with a young man and she wants to win him the hard way." "Not with your money." "Instead of admiring her for it." "you're fighting her just as you've always battled anyone who wouldn't bend to your will." "You just haven't the courage to see this through." "Oh." "I haven't?" "That's what I said." "I can stick this out just as long as you can." "Longer. do you hear?" "Longer." " That I'll have to see." " Hah." "I'll give you three days." "Three days over these pots and pans with your manicured fingernails and then you'll slink back to Palm Beach..." " ... and your favorite beauty parlor." " Ha." "O'CONNOR:" "And another thing." "you might as well realize right now that this house isn't big enough for both of us." "MARY:" "All right." "When are you leaving?" "Hey. what goes on in here?" "TRUD Y:" "Mike and Mary had a little argument but it's all over now." "A new cook and already a fight in the kitchen?" "Now. you two should learn to get along together." "[SNIFFING]" "Stew." "Mary. if this tastes as good as it smells." "you're gonna be my new pinup girl." "Ha-ha." "Thanks." "But Trudy's been helping me with it." "Oh. she has. huh?" "Well. keep her busy." "Mike." "I want you to quit picking on Mary." "Good cooks are hard to find." "JIM:" "Cookie." "I've got some great news for you." "TRUD Y:" "I'm all ears." "Whitey and Hank got a couple hundred of the boys together." "They're all steamed up and raring to go." "Between us." "we've averaged about 500 apiece." "And I went to see the Wheeler Construction Company today." "They went for the idea in a big way." " They may even put up the money we need." "TRUD Y:" "Tell me more." "JIM:" "I'm seeing the head of the outfit on Friday." "Boy. if this idea works out." "I'll buy this joint from O'Connor." "[PHONE RINGS]" " Hello." " Hello." "Farrow. it's me." "Listen. do we still own an interest in Wheeler Construction?" "Good." "Now. pay attention." "There's a young man coming in there Friday named Jim Bullock." "He has some half-baked ideas about model houses or barracks. or something." "I want them to disregard the idea and offer him a job." "Yes. yes." "I don't ca" "I don't care if it's teaching Eskimos the Boogie Woogie or milking whales in Patagonia." "only it must be out of the country." "Huh?" "Anywhere." "Make it Bolivia." "The farther away. the better." "There's only one stipulation." "He has to be a single man." "Single. you idiot." "That means unmarried." "Yeah." "I don't care." "Make up any excuse." "Only offer him enough so that he can't refuse." "Yeah. right." "You got it?" "Okay." "Now. how about that property?" "We've been topped again." "The price is now 185.000." "Offer them 190.000." "I don't care if we're bucking Morgan and Chase." "I want that property." "[CHUCKLES]" "Well. if you need cash. transfer a couple of million from the Chicago house." " Right?" "Hmm?" " Oh." "Mike." "I'm sorry to interrupt your negotiations." "I know you have millions and millions of dollars hanging in the balance but." "Mike." "you didn't make your bed this morning." "[CHATTERING]" " Good." "Good." " Isn't this good?" "Don't hold back." "There's plenty more in the kitchen." "ALICE:" "Will you hand me the butter?" "HANK:" "Yeah." "May I have a bit more. please?" "Ha." "What about your milk and cracker diet?" "My stomach's a lot better." "Ah." "That proves what I've always believed." "Indigestion is caused by unhappiness." "If you don't like the things the world makes you do you're not hungry." "But if you smile and you're happy you enjoy life and you're hungry all the time." "I wonder if the O'Connors were as happy in this house as we are?" "Happy?" "From what I hear. they're the most snarled uppest people in the whole world." " What's wrong with them?" "McKEEVER:" "Plenty." "Now. you take Michael O'Connor." "for example." "A poor boy who became the second-richest man in the world." "Almost the richest." "So I hear." "Yeah. and is he happy?" "I should say not." "They tell me he's one of the worst-tempered men in the country." "I hear O'Connor is so high-hat he won't accept a glass of beer unless it's got a winged collar on it." "[ALL LAUGH]" "He must hate photographers." "Nobody's ever seen his picture in the papers." "Yeah. what does the guy look like?" "An octopus." "Now." "Jim." "let's have no personalities. please." "After all." "we are living in O'Connor's house." "And eating his food and wearing his clothes." "Which reminds me." "he needs some new white shirts." "Now. as I was about to say he's a sourpuss with a sour stomach that's so engrossed in his holding companies that he couldn't hold his wife and family together." "Maybe his wife walked out on him." "If she's smart. she ran." "[CHUCKLES]" "McKEEVER:" "From what I hear." "she's no bargain either." "[CHOKES." "CLEARS THRO AT]" "They say she's really snarled up lives in a big house down at Palm Beach and spends most of her time trying not to admit she's a middle-aged woman." "Suppose we talk about something else." "Hmm?" "You're right." "Mary." "It's a waste of breath." "Mike. you had enough?" "I've had plenty." "Oh." "Mike. your dishes." "Now." "please be a little more careful of them." "I found a couple of them chipped last night." "You see what I mean." "Mike?" "These shelves were jam-packed when all you people came to live with me." "When I lived here alone." "what I ate was never missed but 11 of us." "well. that would make a dent in any larder." "Mike. it looks as though you and I will have to go to work." "Me?" "Work?" "Oh. no." "Ha-ha." "Why." "Trudy's working." "Jim and the other boys chip in money for food." "Mary does the cooking. and I..." "Well." "I sort of supervise." "I'll tell you." "Mike." "honest labor never hurt any man." "At least. it never did me." "That I can understand." "and it's not going to hurt me either." "Now. get this neither you nor any man is going to make me do manual labor and that's final." " Oh. well." "Mike." " No. no. sir." "O' CONNOR:" "No. no. that's going too far." "Oh. no." "[GRUNTS]" " Well. you're doing fine." "Mike." " Yeah." "You know." "we're getting a dollar an hour for this job." "Not bad. eh?" "After we get this cleared off." "I've arranged for another one." "The movie theater down the street." "Don't tire yourself out." "We're getting $ 1.10 for that job." "Say. you know." "I think I can help you." "Why." "I wouldn't want you to exert yourself." "Well. after all." "I should be doing something." "Ah." "I know what." "I'll get you a bigger shovel." "Mr. O" "Shh." "Shh." "Quick." "Get in the car. get in the car." "Don't look surprised. get in the car." "[SHO VEL CLINKS]" "Mr. O'Connor. what is this?" "Now. now. now. wait a minute." "Don't ask questions. just answer them." "What about that government property?" "Our offer's been topped again." "Our opponents. whoever they are." "have gone to 195." "Ah." "Well. offer them 200.000." "Any clue as to who's bucking us?" "Not yet. but don't worry. sir." "I won't let it drop." "Good. good. good." " Now. what about that young fellow?" " Young fellow?" "Jim Bullock." "the fellow I phoned you about." "Oh. yes." "He was in to see Henderson of Wheeler Construction this morning." "Henderson has full instructions to offer him that job in Bolivia." "Ah." "Excellent." "Farrow. excellent." "If he accepts." "and there's no reason he shouldn't all of my troubles are over." "Heh-heh" "Well. okay." "Farrow. see you later." "Mr. O'Connor. are you all right?" "Never felt better in my life." "Heh." "FARROW:" "Mr. O'Connor." " Yes?" " Your shovel." " Oh." "Oh. thank you. thank you. thank you." "Ha-ha." "Come on." "Mike. hurry up." "Here. let me help you." "Oh. thank you." "MARY:" "Mike. have you had a hard day?" "No. nothing to speak of." "I merely shoveled snow off half of Manhattan. that's all." "Oof." "[CRACKING]" "Be careful." "Mike. something cracked." "That was my back." "Oh." "Mike. it did you good." "You have color in your cheeks." "Why. you look positively healthy." "I'm sick." "I'm dying." "[CHUCKLES]" "Hello. boys." "Hello." "Jim." "Oh. hello." "Mike." " Ah-ah!" " Careful of those Christmas bulbs." "Well. heh. it looks like you fellows are expecting Santa Claus." "Confidentially." "there ain't no Santa Claus. we know." "Anything wrong?" "Ahem." "Uh" " How'd you make out?" "I mean. with Wheeler Construction?" "They turned thumbs down on our proposition but they did offer me a job in Bolivia." "Twelve thousand a year and all expenses." "Well. that's great." "Jim." "That's a lot of money." "When are you leaving?" "Are you kidding?" "Why would I wanna go to Bolivia?" "Well. wonderful country. fine climate." "beautiful girls down there." "They're not bad up here either." "But." "Jim..." "Bolivia is the tin capital of the world." "Look." "Mike." "I like the good old U.S.A. and that ain't tin." "If I can't make a living here." "then I'll give up." "Besides." "I couldn't let guys like Hank and Whitey down." "They and others have put their time." "faith and dough into an idea." "I'd be a heel to walk out." "I don't wanna be inquisitive but what is this big idea you think is so important?" "I know it has something to do with barracks" "An Army camp." "Government's selling." "we're trying to buy it." "Army camp." "Oh." " Where?" "HANK:" "Just outside the city." "You mean." "Camp Kilson?" "You're a bright boy." "Go to the head of class." "Yeah. we thought we could get it cheap but some drip has bid us up to 190.000." "[ORNAMENT CLATTERING]" "JIM:" "Oh. excuse me." "Mike." "You mean to say you fellas have been bidding on that property?" "Well. sure." "Say." "Mike. why are you so interested?" "Oh." "I'm not interested." "Doesn't mean anything to me." "Only I" " Heh." "I was just wondering." "what are you using for money. clam shells?" "No. we got a hundred thousand that we collected from our partners fellows just like us." "Yeah. but you bid up to 190.000." "That's way over your capital." "We know it." "But we'll get the dough." "Tomorrow's another day." "We're not licked yet." "Hello." "Have you ever seen Santa Claus?" "Sonny there are some people who think I'm Santa Claus." "Why?" "A little more to the right." "Mary." "Down a little further." "That's it." "That's it." "Ahh." "Heh." "I feel better already." " Mary?" " Yes." "Mike." "Do you remember that old railroad flat we had?" "Twelve dollars a month and we thought it was expensive." " Well. it was the nicest flat on the block." " Hmm." "Remember how we used to sit out on the front steps on hot summer nights?" "Me with my can of beer and you with your bag of cherries spitting the stones at Finnigan's goat." "[BOTH LAUGH]" "Yes. only it wasn't Finnigan's." "it was Murphy's goat." "No. no. no." "It was Finnigan's." "Well." "I guess I ought to know which goat I spit at." "[CHUCKLING] That was fun. wasn't it?" "We had lots of friends in those days." "Real friends." "Yes. and you had lots of muscle." "Real muscle." "Now you're flabby as an old seal." "Yeah. who's flabby?" "Ow. ow!" "Oh." "[BOTH LAUGH]" " Mary." " Ha-ha." "Mike." "I must ask you." "Mike." "to return to your room at once." " Now. just a minute you" " Go to your room." "Hmm." "Hmm." "Mary." "I'll talk to you in the morning." "[LAUGHING]" "What's the matter?" " Jim." " Yeah?" "If my name weren't Trudy Smith." "if it were something else would it matter?" "Oh-ho-ho." "Cookie." "I don't know and I don't care what your name is." "But whatever it is." "the minute I land a job I'll give you a chance to change it." "Good morning." "Mary." "Good morning." "Mike." "How's your back?" "Well. fair on one side. bad on the other." "Oh." "Mike." "I didn't sleep very well last night." "I think this mattress ought to be turned over." "Will you give me a hand. please?" "I hope you and Mary don't think I was being a bit stuffy about last night." "Only you must remember there are young people in the house and we older folks mustn't set a bad example." "I assure you." "Mr. McKeever." "it was all perfectly innocent." "McKEEVER:" "Well. let's forget it." "Except that I hope I didn't give you the impression that I was opposed to a man and a woman falling in love." "Now. you take this bed." "It was made for a man and his wife only the wife is in Florida and the husband is in Virginia." "You know. when you think of all the people who fall out of love even though they have everything it's kind of nice to think of people like you falling in love." "Look." "Mac." "There are some things that you just don't quite understand." "Oh. yes." "I do." "Mike." "It's very plain." "Mary is in love with you." "[MUSIC BO X PLAYING]" "1918." "[KNOCKING]" "McKEEVER:" "May I come in?" "Sure." "McKEEVER:" "Mike." "I've been thinking." " Why don't you and Mary get married?" " Married?" "It might be the best thing in the world for both of you." "Might make something of your lives." "Maybe it's too late." "Oh. it's never too late." "Now. you take Mike here he's a nice enough fellow but what has he made of his existence?" "Absolutely nothing." "Now." "Mary is a fine woman and a fine cook." "Responsibility would be the best thing for both of you." "And marriage means responsibility." "Whatever you do. don't end up like me." "You know. if I were a younger man." "I might be asking Mary to marry me." "[BOTH CHUCKLING]" "Think it over." "[MUSIC BO X STOPS PLAYING]" "Oh." "Mary." "what's the matter with both of us?" "Why don't we call all this off?" "Call what off." "Michael?" "Mary. listen to me." "I love you very much." "I've always loved you." "There's never been another woman in my life but you." "No." "I mean that." "Why do think I've been hanging around here submitting to all this?" "Because you're here. because I want you." "Because I've been hoping..." "I've been hoping that we might..." "Mary." "I never wanted that divorce." "I never wanted it either." "Oh." "Oh." "Michael." "You seem to have changed." "It's almost like old times." "I have changed and I'm going to change even more." "I promise." "[PIANO PLAYING]" "[SINGING "THAT'S WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME"]" "[MEN SINGING]" "[SINGING]" "[SINGING]" "[ALL SINGING]" "All right. folks. that's enough of that." "[DOG BARKS]" "Just as I suspected." "Well." "I'll be a monkey's orphan." "[CHUCKLES] Oh. come. sir." "Your family connections must be better than that." "All right." "Santa. saddle up your reindeer and let's gallop down to headquarters." "Now. one moment. gentlemen." "These people are not doing any harm." "They're not thieves. nor are they vandals." " Who are you?" " McKeever's the name." "Aloysius T. McKeever." "And I wish you a very Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas." "How long you been living here?" "Well." "I've been here for the past three winters." "And speaking for my friends here." "They're very nice people ex-servicemen with their wives and children who are merely. shall we say." "taking advantage of much-needed shelter." "You wouldn't want to arrest them on Christmas Eve. now. would you?" "No." "And this nice couple here is Mary and Mike." "who are soon to be married." "You see. romance has flourished within our boarded windows." "Oh." "Mary. this is the nicest Christmas present I've ever had." "Thank you. dear." "[VOICE BREAKING] Mike." "I'm happy." "Terribly happy." "Congratulations." "Been married 22 years myself." " Well. well." " Twenty-two years?" "My. that's wonderful." "Yeah. marriage is a great thing." "No family should be without it." "Now. take my wife. a great little woman." "Sits home night after night." "All alone?" "On Christmas Eve?" "All alone and never a beef." "Well. call her up and ask her to come on over." " No kidding?" "You mean it?" " Of course I do." " How about it. folks?" "ALL:" "Why sure. go ahead." "Tell her to come on over and have some fun." "Gee. that's swell of you people." "Moitle would sure like that." "A great little woman." "Hello." "Moitle. it's me." "Cecil." "Your husband." "Yeah. honey." "I'm at a little party." "It's that big gloomy-looking joint on Fifth Avenue." "The O'Connor place." "Tell her not to come in through the front door." "We have a hole in the back fence." "Don't come through the front door." "There's a hole in the back fence." "You crawl through the hole and" "How could you say that. baby?" "I ain't touched a drop." "That isn't nice." "Moitle." "Well. if that's the way you feel." " She says she ain't got nothing to wear." " Oh-ho." "Moitle's a great little woman." "We've been married 22 years." "She ain't never laid a fist on me except in self-defense." "Well. thanks for the invite anyway." "We'll be running along." "They're not doing any harm. are they?" "Hello." "Brady reporting." "Okay at the O'Connor house." " Exceptionally okay." "JIM:" "Eee-ha!" "How about it. everybody?" "[ALL SINGING "FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW"" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute. please." "Folks." "Do us a favor. will you?" "Don't sing so loud." "It leaks through the boards." "Anything you say. gentlemen." "Will you have some cigars?" " Oh. thanks." " Gee. thanks." " Merry Christmas." " Merry Christmas." " May I have one. please?" " Oh. sure." "Thank you." "Well. folks. you can stay for the holidays." "but try and be gone after New Year's." "You know. if O'Connor heard about this." "we'd get fired." " Heh-heh." " Well. take care of things. will you?" "Oh. boy. are these good." "[PIANO PLAYING]" "Jim. what's the matter?" "Oh. nothing." "Oh. now. something's wrong." "What is it?" "Well. we've lost out." " That barracks property's been sold." " Sold?" " Well. who'd they sell it to?" " To Michael J. O'Connor." "Here. read it and weep." "JIM:" "Well. boys. that washes us up." "WHITEY: "Outbidding all competitors." "industrial wizard Michael J. O'Connor has today added Camp Kilson to his other vast holdings. "" "How about that O'Connor?" "How do you like that?" "HANK:" "He wants to buy up everything." "Doesn't leave anything for anyone else." "WHITEY:" "He's got about everything now." "HANK:" "Yeah." "MARY:" "Oh." "Mike." "Now. look." "Mary." "How did I know they were bidding on that property?" " I'm no mind reader." " Mm-hm." " When did you find out?" " Just a couple of days ago." "I only did what I considered right from a business standpoint." " After all." "I" " Don't get belligerent." " I didn't say anything." " But you're thinking." " Of course I'm thinking." " Mm." "I'm thinking what a nice Christmas present it would be for Trudy and Jim and the rest." "Oh. their idea is harebrained and nonsensical." "It won't make a dime." "Oh. maybe not." "But it'd make an awful lot of people happy." "You never did understand that business and sentiment don't mix." "Why is it that every-?" "Oh. look." "Mary. let's not get sidetracked in a silly financial discussion." "Why should we start off arguing again?" "Michael J. O'Connor." "I was wrong." "You haven't changed a bit." "And you never will." "[VOICE BREAKS] Never." "Jim." "Jim. it's beautiful." "I didn't like the idea of you in borrowed clothes." " I hope it fits." " It will." "Here. let me help you." "Oh. it's lovely." "Cookie. it may not be mink." "but you sure make it look like it." "I really can't take it." "Jim." "Why not?" "It's a gift." "I know. but you shouldn't have done it." "You can't afford it." "Well. it's Christmas." "Hey. hey." "What's the matter?" "Jim. you're wonderful." "Wonderful." "JIM:" "Mike." "Women are funny." "You give them something to make them happy and they cry about it." "Hmm." "You think that's funny?" "Heh." "Wait till you get to be my age." "What...?" "What are you planning on doing now." "Jim?" "Nothing." "What is there to do?" "In the morning." "I've gotta get down to the barracks and tell the gang the deal is off." "I'd rather take a beating than do that." "Mind if I go along with you?" "If you like." "I don't see how you can help any." "[PEOPLE CHATTERING]" "JIM:" "Wait a minute. fellows." "Wait a minute." "Now." "I probably like O'Connor a lot less than any of you but in this case." "he's perfectly within his rights." "He owns half the town." "Why should he grab this property?" "We'll buy it from him." "I'm afraid that's impossible." "I know it's a tough break. fellows." "but there's no use beefing about it." "We tried and we failed." "[CHATTERING CONTINUES]" "Would you mind standing aside?" "I asked you to stand aside. young man." "Say please." "May I ask what are all you men doing here?" "We've been holding a meeting." "FARROW:" "Union Square is for that purpose." "Take your soapbox down there." "This is private property." "See that this property is cleared and no trespassing signs erected." "And those barracks." "Get those people out at once." "They're wives and kids of some of the men." "Give them a chance." "They have no place to go." "I can't help that." "Now. gentlemen. we want action." "I want all those barracks torn down and construction started as soon as possible." "Who is that little creep?" "Say. maybe it's O'Connor." "Yeah." "Could be." "O'Connor. huh?" "Hey. it's O'Connor." "Hey. fellows. it's O'Connor." "[CLAMORING]" "Who did that?" "I'll have you run off this property." "I'll have you arrested." "MAN:" "Well. let's have it." "You know who I am?" "Who are you?" "Police." "Police!" "Police!" "O'CONNOR:" "Give me that." "[MAN SINGING IN SPANISH]" "[APPLAUSE]" "[TABLE THUMPING]" "It's got a game leg." "What is this. a pinball machine?" "Sugar?" "Swell number." "I wonder if the musicians will know it down in Bolivia?" " You're really going?" " Sure." "Twelve thousand a year is too much dough to pass up when you haven't got a job or a place to live." "Well." "I guess I don't know the combination." "You must have decided in an awful hurry." "The Army taught us to do things in a hurry." "Didn't the Army teach you to fight harder when the going got tough?" "Of course." "In the Army you're fighting with guns." "In this fight. the bullets are greenbacks." "And O'Connor has all the ammunition." "Look." "Trudy." "I'll only be gone a year or so." "That's a long time." "Well. maybe you better not wait." "Maybe I shouldn't." "If you run short." "I'll send you some cash so you won't have to borrow any clothes." "Don't worry." "I'll get plenty of clothes." "From that guy with the champagne?" "Listen. you'd better stay away from that wolf." "At least a wolf doesn't run away from you like a rabbit." "You guys scram." "Check out." "I said check out." "Check out?" "Ah." "Checkoutsky." "Russian." "Oh." "Ha." "Hey!" "[PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE]" "Jim. all that stands between you and the top of the ladder is" "SINGER [SINGING]:" "Ahhhh" "You can't climb with an anchor around your neck." " So you think I'm an anchor?" " I didn't say that." "You did and you can go straight to Bolivia and stay there." "Do you hear me?" "Stay there!" "Jim's leaving." "Leaving?" "Well. maybe it's all for the best." "Where's he going?" "To Bolivia for some company." "Wheeler Construction. that's it." "Oh. darling. if you really love Jim." "you marry him and go with him." "I can't." "They only want single men." "Well. that's strange." "Well. in fact. it's ridiculous." "Wheeler Construction." "Single men only." "If I remember correctly." "your father owns that company." "Dad. do you mean to say that you deliberately planned to-?" "MARY:" "Of all the contemptible" " All right." "Mary." " Ugh." "We'll forget about Bolivia." "Michael J. O'Connor." "you ought to be ashamed of yourself." "If you want to marry Jim." "it's all right with me." "I'll give him a job here." "What kind of a job?" "Doing something." "I don't know." "but it'll be a job nice office. secretary." "good salary. all the trimmings." "Dad. can't you understand?" "He wants to stand on his own two feet." "Jim has ability. whether you think so or not and I'd rather he go anywhere than be one of your army of high-salaried yes men." "[DOOR SLAMS]" "I'll be leaving tomorrow." "Michael." "And when I leave." "Trudy will be going with me." "So you'll have this whole house all to yourself again." "I hope you'll be very happy in it." "Did you say something?" "No." "Where is everybody?" "I don't know." "I guess they're all down in the dumps the same as I am." "You know." "I don't think I'll be coming back here next winter." "Why?" "What's wrong with this place?" "Since Jim and the boys lost their property all the laughter and happiness is gone." "This place seems like a morgue." "You know." "I think I'll try the Guggenhoff mansion next season." "The Guggenhoff mansion?" "Oh. that place doesn't compare with this." "Everybody knows that the Guggenhoff place has bad plumbing and besides." "they don't have air conditioning and that's something to be considered." "Mike. a house. any house." "is only what its occupants make it." "No. this place doesn't seem the same." "I think I'll get a cup of coffee." "Hello." "Jim." "Would you care for a cup of coffee?" "No. thanks." "I..." " I hear you're leaving." " Yep." "Going down to see Wheeler Construction today." "Jim. you don't want to go to Bolivia." "Why not?" "You tried to sell me that deal once." "What changed your mind?" "Well." "I thought perhaps that if you had a talk with Mr. O'Connor you wouldn't have to go to Bolivia." "Talk with him?" "How are you gonna talk with him if you can't even see him?" "Well." "I have a friend who works in the O'Connor building." "Charlie's his name." "Charlie Graham." "He and I used to ride the rods together." "He's head janitor there now and believe it or not O'Connor and Charlie are like two peas in a pod." "I hope you won't mind." "Jim but I asked Charlie to ask Mr. O'Connor for an appointment for you." " And guess what." " I'm guessing." "Charlie just phoned me and said that Mr. O'Connor would see you in one hour." "Mike. are you feeling all right?" "Mike. you're having hallucinations again." "No. no. no." "Not this time." "No." "I know what I'm saying." "Don't pass up this chance." "Jim." "Better go now." "Okay." "Mike." "We'll give it a try." "It won't be the first office I've been thrown out of." "And." "Mike if anything happens. we'll cut you in." " How do you do?" "I" " Good morning. gentlemen." "Mr. O'Connor's expecting you." "Will you go right in?" "Thank you." "O'CONNOR:" "Farrow." "I told you to transfer some cash to our Paris office." "Two million?" "Do you expect them to operate with pennies?" "Cable them 3 million more right away." "Can't I leave this office five minutes without things going haywire?" "Where are those lumber contracts?" "Call San Francisco and tell them if the contracts aren't here tomorrow the deal is off." "Anything happen on that steel mill lease?" "I don't care what it costs." "I want it closed today." "Yeah. right." "And by the way." "cable Kennedy in London and tell him we'll sell our British and Canadian holdings for 12 million." "If my American Can goes up tomorrow." "sell a hundred thousand shares." "Right." "Hello. boys." "Mike." "What are you doing behind O'Connor's desk?" " You gone nuts?" " How'd you get in here?" "We'd better get him out before O'Connor comes in." "We" " Uh- Gentlemen." "Gentlemen." "[MUFFLED SHOUTING]" " Good morning. gentlemen." "ALL:" "Good morning." "Where's Mr. O'Connor?" "We haven't seen him." "We have an appointment with him." "[KNOCKING]" "What's that?" " Well. it ain't mice." "O'CONNOR:" "Help." "Somebody open this door." "[KNOCKING]" "O'CONNOR:" "Open this" "Mr. O'Connor." "Mr. O'Connor." "What were you doing in that closet?" "I like it in there." "There's nothing so restful as a nice. dark. stuffy closet." "Did you say...?" "Mr. O'Connor?" "O'CONNOR:" "That's what he said." "[MUTTERING]" "Don't start popping questions." "I haven't time." " Where are those papers of transfer?" " Right here." "Yeah." "Oh." "Oh. good." "Now. then." "before I transfer this barracks property over to you three gentlemen..." " ... there's one thing you must do for me." " Yes. sir." "Not one word of this to McKeever." "As far as he is concerned." "I am still just a" "A panhandler." " Gentlemen. is that clear?" "HANK:" "Yes. sir." "Good." "Sit down. make yourself at home." "[CHATTERING." "LAUGHING]" "Just a minute. folks." "To Mike I never would have believed it possible." "but he certainly came through in a pinch." "ALL:" "To Mike!" " To Michael J." "McKEEVER:" "Speech." "Mike." "Speech." " Come on." "Mike." "Well." "I" " Ahem." "I really don't know what to say excepting that I'm glad I was able to be of service even though Mac here chooses to think of me as a drifter. a panhandler and a man of little principle." "[CHUCKLES]" "Water under the bridge." "Mike." "Please try and forget that I ever said it." "Mac. it's already forgotten." "[CHUCKLES]" "Well..." "It's too bad we have to leave here." "But we did promise the patrolmen to be out of here by the first of the year." "Naturally." "I would have preferred to spend the winter as I customarily do." "But..." "All good things must come to an end." "Soon the O'Connor servants will be coming back." "Taking down the boards." "Tomorrow." "we must put the house in order so that everything will be just as we found it." "Tonight is our last night together." "Our paths may never cross again." "And I would like to feel that you're all my friends." "For to be without friends is a serious form of poverty." "[CHIMING]" "The New Year." "And may it bring happiness to all of you." "ALL:" "Happy New Year!" "Happy New Year!" "You know." "I always come out the same way I go in." "Well. everything is just as we found it." "You know." "it's been a very pleasant winter after all." "[DOG BARKING]" "[McKEEVER CHUCKLES]" "I guess Sam knows that he's going on the road." "All right." "Sam." "I'm ready." "Well. look." "Mac." "I..." "Well. that is..." " ..." "Trudy and I are gonna be married." " Oh." " We're gonna have plenty of room." " Yes. we could all stay together." "Mike and I wish you'd come stay with us." "How about it." "Mac?" "Well. thanks." "Thanks to all of you." "But you have your own lives to lead and I..." "Well. it's a little too late for me to change." "Anyway." "I have a very nice place to go to down in Virginia." "It's near Bubbling Springs." "It's Mr. O'Connor's place." "[CHUCKLES]" "When he comes back here." "I go down there." "Oh." "[ALL CHUCKLING]" "Well. we better not all leave at once." "Jim and Trudy. you go out first." " Goodbye." "Mr. McKeever." "McKEEVER:" "Goodbye. dear." "I hope you'll be very happy." "Thank you." "Mac." " I'll always remember you." "Good luck." " Oh." "Good luck to both of you too." "My. they're a nice couple." "Oh. by golly." "I nearly forgot." "In case you've no place to spend your honeymoon here's the key to the Guggenhoff mansion." " They're in Europe." " Thanks." "And." "Mary. if Mike doesn't treat you right." "you come back and report to me." "I'll be back here next November 3rd." "That's a date." "Mike." "Mac." "Thanks." "Goodbye." "Mary." "Come on." "Sam." "Attaboy." "[WHISTLING]" "TOUR GUIDE:" "Fifth Avenue." "This street where the original 400 built their homes making it the most celebrated residential avenue in the world." "That magnificent marble dwelling we are just passing is the Guggenhoff mansion." "Bye." "TOUR GUIDE:" "He was the copper king." " Bye." "TOUR GUIDE:" "On your right. that big brownstone mansion that's all boarded up that is the townhouse of the great industrial wizard Michael J. O'Connor." "the second-richest man in the world." " You know." "Mary." " Yes." "Mike." "There are richer men than I." " Mary." " Yes." "Mike." "Remind me to nail up the board in the back fence." "He's coming through the front door next winter." "[WHISTLING]"