"[ "La Marseillaise" plays ]" "Subtitles uploaded by Sathwik" "[ British accent ] We're in London, bitches!" "Narrator:" "Coming up on a special hour-long episode of "Impractical Jokers,"" "what's got Q chucking chips?" "[ Laughter ]" "Why is Murr getting cheeky with the Brits?" "Hey, England." "You remember when you owned America?" "[ Laughter ]" "Narrator:" "And which two jokers will get their arses kicked in tonight's double punishment?" "[ Laughter ]" "Sal:" "Prepare for something amazing." "Q:" "Hey, mustache, what's up?" "[ Laughter ]" "Murr:" "I want my mommy!" "[ Laughter ]" "Sal:" "I will never forgive you!" "Joe:" "Larry!" "[ Laughter ]" "You know, you could have changed for..." "[ Laughter ]" "You look ridiculous, bud." "I look ridiculous?" "Yeah." ""No Eyebrows" Magee over here is telling me that I look ridiculous?" "Yeah, well, in case they missed it, the last time that we were with Murray, we shaved off his eyebrows." "Take off your hat." "G'day, mate." "We're here at the Forester Pub in London Town, serving up Ye Olde Spirits." "[ British accent ] While slinging drinks, we'll have to do and say what the other blokes tell us." "[ British accent ] If you don't bloody well do what you're bloody well told, you'll bloody well lose, you buggering wanker." "[ British accent ] England, right?" "[ Laughter ]" "[ Normal voice ] Feel back at home, boys." "[ Normal voice ] Your old stomping grounds." "This looks exactly like where you used to tend bar." "The only thing that's missing is Q sitting in the corner, sloppy drunk." "[ Laughter ]" "Hey, bud." "How are you?" "Yeah, good." "Great." "Sal, try to poison his drink." "With what?" "Like, salt?" "Yeah, like, sugar, salt, anything." "[ Laughter ]" "Uh, no problem." "Now let me just put a little...poison in it." "What's what?" "I put the -- this is the Kronenbourg." "Uh..." "Oh, no." "This is mine." "This is mine." "This was, uh " " This is mine." "This one's mine." "Yours is coming right up." "Now, Sal, we want you to poison this drink again." "[ Laughs ]" "Just put a little poison in it." "Oh!" "He doesn't want to get killed." "Thank you." "Oh, my God." "He doesn't want to get murdered." "Hey, how are you guys?" ""What can I get you, grandma?"" "Oh." "To him." "[ Laughter ]" "A rosé?" "Sure." "What about you, grandma?" "[ Laughter ]" ""You know, we have a saying back where I come from..."" "We have a saying where I come from." ""Big tits rule."" "[ Laughter ]" "Big tits rule." "[ Laughs ]" "[ Laughter ]" "Oh, yeah." "£10.25 in happy hour..." ""You know, in America..."" "In America..." ""...we tip."" "[ Laughter ]" "In America... we tip." "[ Laughter ]" "That's his tip." "Thank you, sir." "Back home, we have happy hour." "Sal, we on a really slow elevator." "But what they do here is they, um..." "Until you're completely behind the bar." "...they, uh -- they'll have one night where things are cheaper than other nights." "So, it's like " "It's not like a happy hour, but the prices are different." "[ Laughter ]" "Come up facing the opposite direction." "My cousin comes to New York to visit me all the time." "I owe him a trip." "Keep talking and start sinking." "But, you know, and so this has really been really a cool job for me right now." "So..." "[ Laughter ]" "I've really been enjoying my time here, though, because, like, it's, uh -- It's really a cool little town." "[ Ding!" "]" "Joe, just get on the bar and lie there sleeping." "And when someone comes in," "I want you to fall off the bar, startled and awake." "This is high." "Wait." "Wait, wait." "Hold, hold, hold." "Go!" "Go!" "Whoa." "[ Laughter ]" "Hey, what can I get you?" "Oh, no." "No, I'm all right." "I'm a big fat [bleep] You need a drink?" "Yeah." "What do you got?" "[ Laughter ]" "Foster's is a nice, crisp lager." "I got you the Foster's." "You got a problem with my bar?" "You got a problem with my bar?" "Really go off on him now." "Which one do you want, buddy?" "This one?" "Forget it." "Look, here." "My finger was in it." "It's no good." "What do you want?" "Seafarers." "Yeah." "Well, you came in shooting your mouth off, so I just want to make sure you're happy." "[Bleep] guy wants a Seafarers." "I see you walk in, and you're talking to her like I can't hear you." "I'm standing right here." "You don't want the Foster's." "She orders a Foster's [bleep]" "[ Laughter ]" "The Foster's wasn't good enough, so we got him the [bleep] Seafarers." "Cheers, mate." "[ Coughing ]" "I'm gonna throw up." "And did you want to order some food as well?" "Yeah." "Is it okay also one pad Thai..." "Yes." "...with the duck." "Slide your ring off." "Slide your ring off right now." "[ Laughter ]" "Okay, so you want the 31 and the 32." "Yes." "Now hit on her a little bit, bud." "Good." "You always get pad Thai, or...?" "No. [ Chuckles ]" "No." "I love those glasses, by the way." "[ Chuckles ] Thanks." ""Are you guys together?"" "You guys together?" "Oh." "Oh, put the ring back on." "[ Laughter ]" "Hi, guys." "You can run a tab." "Yes." "Good." "My [bleep] don't work." "Uh..." "Anyway, my [bleep] don't work." "[ Laughter ]" "Hey, guys." "What can I get you?" ""Hey, did you hear the news?"" "Hey, did you hear the news?" "My [bleep] don't work." "Did you hear the news?" "I don't when you came in, in the whole conversation." "I wasn't sure if you knew, but, uh, I told those folks down there, but, uh, my [bleep] don't work." "No, you didn't hear." "[ Laughter ]" "Hey, Joe, just throwing this out there, but doesn't Lawrence work here in England?" "[ Sighs ]" "We're out of glasses." "[ Laughter ]" "Here it comes!" "Find Lawrence." "Find him." "Lawrence." "We're out of the pint glasses up here, Lawrence." "Lawrence." "Check the bathroom, buddy." "Lawrence?" "Lawrence!" "Lawrence?" "He's not in the ladies' room." "Lawrence!" "Lawrence." "Lawrence." "Lawrence." "He might be outside, bud." "Did he go outside to double park?" "Lawrence!" "Aah!" "[ Laughter ]" "Lawrence!" "Lawrence!" "Lawrence!" "[ Laughter ]" "Where the [bleep] were you?" "[ Ding!" "]" "Here we go." "How are you, bud?" "Doing well." "Thank you." ""Do me a favor." "Just don't piss on the bar."" "He might be." "Let me go find him." "Do me a favor while I go look for him." "Uh, don't piss on the bar." "[ Laughter ]" ""I'm not joking."" "I'll get Dean." "But I am serious." "Yeah." "Well, no." "I'm not gonna piss on the bar, am I?" "[ Laughs ]" "He's upstairs." "He'll be down in just a minute." "No problem." "Busy today?" ""A couple of guys pissed on the bar earlier, but that was it."" "Uh, it's been pretty quiet." "We had a couple of guys before that pissed on the bar, though." "Oh, so that's why you said it." "Yeah." "You know..." "Yeah, they pissed -- pissed all over it." ""Well, I can't defend myself, so..."" "Well, also, I can't defend myself..." "Right." "I couldn't stop them." "Point to your face." ""This is what happened the last time I tried."" "The last time I tried to stop some guys from pissing on the bar, they did this to me." "They shaved my eyebrows off." "They cut my hair." "Look what they did." "It's crazy." "[ Laughs ]" "[ Laughter ]" "Quick check, bud." "You're not pissing on the bar, are you?" "No, no." "Just a quick check." "[ Laughter ]" "Welcome." "How are you?" "Fine, thanks." "How can I help you out?" "Uh, Jameson's and Diet Coke." "Sure." "All right, Murr." "Let's test out your British slang." ""Anything for you birds."" "Sure." "Anything for you birds." "[ Laughter ]" "Jameson and Diet Coke." "Yeah." "Here you go." ""For the lovely bird."" "For the lovely bird." "Right, then." "Tweet, tweet." "[ Laughter ]" "You guys ever take a lift?" "Have you guys ever taken a lift?" "[ Laughter ]" "Uh, say, "Sorry, ladies, if I'm a little off."" "Ladies, I'm sorry if I was a little off." ""I'm currently in a long-distance relationship."" "I'm currently in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend." ""She's in Heaven."" "She's -- [ Chuckles ]" "She's in Heaven, so..." "It's really long-distance." "Yeah, Murr, right, so, you're just gonna go and sit right across from them and don't say anything." "Oh!" "[ Laughter ]" "Look at the way she's looking at Murray -- the blonde." "[ Laughs ]" "¶¶" ""Two birds, one bloke."" "[ Laughter ]" "[ Stifled laugh ]" "He can't get it out." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Laughing ] Two birds, one bloke." "[ Laughter ]" "Tweet, tweet." "[ Laughter ]" "Sal:" "Murr, you know what?" "Just go outside right now, and wait for someone to come in from outside." "Now, from one window to the other, just let her see you running back and forth." "There's been a zombie attack." "She doesn't know." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Laughter ]" "Yeah, I don't know [laughs]" "[ Laughter ]" "Murr, pop in." "Ask her if she knows what she wants." "What do you want to drink?" "What do you want to drink?" "I was outside." "Uh, well, I'm just waiting for a friend, actually, so there's no rush anyway." ""Okay." "Let me know." Run out." "Okay." "Let me know." "[ Laughter ]" "[ Ding!" "]" "What can I help you with?" "Yeah, uh, pint of Guinness, please." "Pint of Guinness." "Where'd you come from?" "Uh, from New York." ""I'm learning a lot about England since I've been here."" "I'm learning a lot about England." ""For example..."" "For example..." ""You guys know you call the wrong sport football?"" "Do you guys -- Are you guys " "I don't know if you're aware of this, but you guys call the wrong sport football here." "It's kind of, like, embarrassing a little bit." "[ Laughter ]" "Well, what we call football, you call soccer." "I mean, are you guys just being obstinate?" "Like, it's " "Oh." "[ Laughs ]" "Everywhere outside of England calls it soccer." "You have football." "Well, we have football." "Yeah, but soccer was there before football." "Yeah." ""No." "That can't be right."" "No." "Was it?" "Yeah." "The United States started in zero." "You're blowing my mind right now, 'cause the United States was started in zero." "[ Laughter ]" "So, the United States is 2016 " "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." "[ Laughs ]" "The Christ of birth?" "Well, I just figured the United States started, and then we were all like, "All right."" "Well, no. 'Cause, like, in..." ""Start the calendar now."" "It wasn't the United States then, was it, because Mexico owned California, Texas " "Mexico?" "!" "Mexico." "I'm telling you facts of your own country." "[ Laughter ]" "We had to come all the way to London for Q to get an American history lesson." "If it weren't for General Houston..." "Yeah." "...it would have been taken." ""Whitney Houston wasn't popular till the '80s."" "But what about Whitney Houston?" "Like, I'm confused." "I'm not talking about Whitney Houston, am I?" "I'm talking about General Houston." "Whitney Houston was a pop singer." "Yeah, she was -- Like, she was -- Not a general." "No, no, no." "But what does this have to do with you guys stealing football?" "[Bleep] if I know." "[ Laughter ]" ""[Bleep] if I know."" "What can I get you?" "What about you, uh, tall drink of water?" "Before you serve all these drinks, why don't you try licking the glasses first?" "[ Laughs ]" "This is the London Pride, and this is the Diet Coke?" "[ Laughter ]" "And then another Sierra Nevada coming for you." "Great." "Thank you." "[ Laughs ]" "Cheers." "Beer's in front of them, and, uh, they're not touching a single one." "[ Sighs ]" "Oh!" "Ohh!" "Wow." "I licked that one." "Yeah, I don't know why you drank it." "Cheers." "What's over there?" "You licked it?" "I licked that one, too, to be fair." "[ Laughter ]" "They just don't care." "What's that?" "Oh, no." "It's on me." "Yeah." "'Cause I licked it." "[ Laughter ]" "Throw it at him." "[ Laughter ]" ""Take these, too." Throw it at him." "Here you go." "Take them." "Empty out the basket." "Empty the basket." "Yeah, that whole basket." "[ Laughter ]" "Don't look." "Just go on and throw them." "[ Laughter ]" "Turn around and literally start throwing them right at him." "Your goal is to hit him." "[ Laughter ]" "[ Ding!" "]" "Narrator:" "This challenge went down smoothly for all the guys, so they're safe from the loser board." "Today, we're giving away free tickets to a hit new show in the West End." "But the names of the shows aren't real." "They've been made up by the other guys, and we won't see the titles until we pull out the tickets." "If you can't give away your tickets, you lose." "And then we throw you right in this river." "You don't want to go in the river." "Don't lose, then." "Then you won't have to go in the river." "No, I'm opposed." "I'm opposed to that." "Well, don't lose." "Ass[bleep]" "I have to give these show tickets away." "Anybody want them?" "They're for a show tonight in the West End." "I can't make it." "No strings attached." "It's, uh, a new show." ""The Old Man and the C:" "The Story of the Old Man's Wife."" "[ Laughter ]" "Q:" "Oh, wow!" ""The Old Man and the C?"" "Yeah." "No, I mean -- This is you guys out here." "You call it this kind of thing." "It's supposed to be great." "Everyone tells the story about the old man." "No one tells the story about his C." "[ Laughter ]" "Anyway, I can't go." "I mean..." "Come on." "Yeah." "Thank you guys." "That's it?" "That's it." "They took it." "[ Laughs ]" "Excuse me." "I got to give away these theater tickets for a show in the West End tonight." "I can't make it." "Literally, I just want to give them away." "It's for uh " " It's called "White Men Catch a Break."" "[ Laughter ]" "The -- It's a play about a " "It's about a collective of white men, and everything just finally goes their way." "[ Laughter ]" "Idris Elba plays the white guy." "It's actually great." "The lead white guy is " "[ Laughter ]" "The lead white guy's being played by Idris Elba." "He's a famous black actor." "[ Laughs ]" "Take them." "You're white." "Go see your people catch a break." "[ Laughter ]" "Oh." "Take them back." "Take them back!" "[ Laughter ]" "Come on, you two." "Go ahead." "Go." "Go to the show." "Hand them back." "[ Laughter ]" "[ Laughs ]" "All right, guys." "Thanks." "He got them!" ""White Men Catch a Break."" "[ Ding!" "]" "That's a nice new hat you got." "Yeah." "Yeah, take it off." "Come on!" "[ Laughter ]" "Come on." "Take off the patch." "[ Laughter ]" "Hey, guys." "I'm from New York, and I'm leaving a day early to go home and I bought tickets for a show." "I just want to give them to somebody for free." "The show is, uh -- It's "Fish and [bleep]"" "[ Laughter ]" ""Fish and [bleep]"" "It's a great show." "Have you heard of it?" "He's gone." "It's about an airplane full of people, and anyone who orders -- anyone who orders fish on the plane gets severely sick." "It's basically the plot of "Airplane!"" "It's "Fish and [bleep]"" "Everyone who eats the fish gets the [bleep] on the plane." "Just take them." "Just " " Please." "The [bleep] don't come till Act 2." "Please, just -- Act 1's all about the fish." "You don't want them?" "Okay." "All right." "Ah." "Pbht!" "Hey, guys." "I have tickets tonight." "I have to catch my flight back." "I'm not gonna have time to see it." "I bought tickets the other day." "It's a great show." "I don't know if you've heard of it." "It's, uh, "I Hope You Take This Ticket and Die."" "[ Laughter ]" "It's a great new show." "It's on the West End." "That ticket name coupled with his no eyebrows?" "Yeah." "No one has ever complained about this show." "There's not a single review of it online." "[ Laughs ]" "I think you're taking it too literally." "I think it's more of a metaphorical" ""I Hope You Take This Ticket and Die."" "It's people -- I can keep the tickets?" "[ Laughter ]" "All right." "Well, your loss." "All right." "No, your loss." "Your loss." "[ Buzzer ]" "What do you mean Milana's gold card was declined?" "[ Laughter ]" "Joe's 10-month-old has a gold card?" "Well." "Time to get on a plane, boys, but these tickets." "I got two tickets that I have to give away." "I got to go back to New York early." "For a show tonight in the West End I can't make." "I just don't want them to go to waste." "It's for, uh," ""What Does It Sound Like When 50 Children Scream?"" "[ Laughter ]" "It's, uh " " It's a show -- [ Chuckles ]" "I know." "I was doing well, right?" "You almost are thinking about it." "I will tell you, though, first they laugh." "But then they scream, all 50 of them, so..." "[ Laughter ]" "It's like an experimental piece." "No, you're all right?" "Really?" "You don't want to hear 50 kids scream?" "[ Laughter ]" "I mean, they're gonna scream if you go or not, so..." "[ Buzzer ]" "Ladies, it's your lucky day." "I can't go to a West End play tonight." "I'm giving away the tickets." "They're for, um..." "It's for, uh " " Yeah." "It's for "1,000 Spiders Loose In a Theatre."" "[ Laughter ]" "Now, before you say no, it's not what you think." "It's like a love story..." "Oh." "...between a guy and a girl." "And at a random point every night " "It's different every night -- they drop 1,000 spiders loose in the theater." "[ Laughter ]" "Yeah, I only have two tickets, so who wants to go?" "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Oh, yeah?" "[ Laughter ] What?" "!" "Yeah." "Well, there you are." "They're just gonna drop 1,000 spiders right on your face, all right?" "That's all right." "Oh, cool." "No, have a good time." "Oh, wow." "Charming son of a gun." "Hey, I have, uh -- I have basically free tickets to a West End play that I can't use." "I'm giving them away." "I don't want them to go to waste." "It's for, um, the, uh, hit play," ""The Butthound of Daggerstiezch."" "There's this guy." "He hangs out in a bar in Daggerstiezch." ""So, I'm on a hidden-camera show?"" "First thing he did was turn and look right into the camera." "And he really likes butts, so he got the nickname the -- the Butthound of Daggerstiezch." "Right there." "Right there." "Yeah, so..." "What's going on is if you look in that camera and just -- and just -- That's Al right there." "If you can just look in that camera and say that you'll take these tickets, then I -- then I win." "What do you say?" "You want to see the -- You want to go see the, uh " "Hi, Mom." "Yeah?" "You don't like "Butthound of Daggerstiezch?"" "Well, hold on one second." "Hold on." "I have other tickets." "Yeah, yeah." "I can just keep going till you take one." "Al, just hold steady." "[ Laughter ]" "How about, uh," ""Cranny, the Story of a Little Orphan Nook?"" "Ohh." "No?" "All right." "Hold on one second." "Hold on." "[ Laughter ]" "Uh, how about, uh, "Bringin' in Da Pain:" "Method Man Interprets Gene Kelly?"" "[ Laughter ]" "You want to take that one?" "No, I'm good." "Thanks, man." "Appreciate it." "Well, come here." "Hold on." "Walk over with Al." "I'll try one more." "All right." "Now, this one, uh, is called, uh..." "Hey, Al." "This is Al." "What's your name?" "Simon, this is Al." "He's one of our hidden-camera operators." "[ Laughter ]" "Yes." "Cool." "This one's called "101 Horribly Racist Jokes."" "Al, you all right with that?" "[ Laughter ]" "You don't want any of that?" "No, I'm good." "Take care, lads." "All right." "Thanks." "I tried." "Joe:" "It's hard to do hidden camera on a walkway." "We got to give it to our team." "They tried." "Sometimes, we get caught." "[ Buzzer ]" "Narrator:" "Q, Murr, and Joe got scalped, so they're first up on the loser board." "[ British accent ] Today, we're teaming up as employees at Toff's Fish and Chips." "Don't talk like that." "We did that already." "[ Normal voice ] Today, we're teaming up as employees at Toff's fish and chips." "While working behind the counter, we're gonna have to do and say whatever the other guys tell us to." "If your team refuses to do or say anything, you lose." "Fish, like, uh, Moby Dick." "And, uh, chips, like Erik Estrada." "[ Laughs ]" "This is like the national food of England, right?" "This is the ol' fish and chips." "Come on." "This is gonna go smooth today." "Not only do we now know how to work the register, we're not familiar with the menu, we also don't know the currency." "Hi, guys." "Welcome to Toff's." "Can we help you?" "Joe, I think you think Murr's choking on a chip." "[ Coughs ]" "No!" "I wasn't choking!" "I wasn't choking, man." "You looked like you were choking on a chip." "I'm nervous." "I'm on high alert now." "Start going off about how you lost everyone to choking." "I've lost many people to choking, so I'm high alert." ""My brother choked."" "My brother choked." ""My cousin choked."" "My cousin choked." ""My arti-choked."" "My arti-choked." "I get it." "[ Laughter ]" "This guy in the hoodie looks like a cult leader." "Murr -- "Excuse me, sir." "Are you Rammstein, leader of the hill people?"" "Question for you." "Are you Rammstein, leader of the hill people?" "You look just like him." "Holy [bleep] It's Rammstein." "Right?" "[ Laughter ]" "I just asked him that." "Leader of the hill people with the beard and everything." "I just asked him that." "You have a twin." "Oh, no." "Oh, you're not." "I got you." "Get him to admit he's Rammstein by getting a free meal." "I didn't realize that you were here, Rammstein." "Your order's free." "You eat here for free." "You're Rammstein though, right?" ""We didn't mean to charge you." "We didn't mean to insult you."" "Start getting scared that you insulted him." "We didn't mean to insult you by taking your money." "I just didn't recognize you at first." "We're all cool." "It's all good?" "It's good." "It's good." "It's good." "Our humblest apologies." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Laughter ]" "'Stein up in the house right here at Toff's." ""Is this one of your wives?"" "Is this " " Is this one of your wives?" "Because if it is, your money's no good here." "[ Laughs ]" "Thank you, sir." "Be right out." "Wow." "Rammstein." "[ Laughter ]" "When Rammstein's order comes out, it is a ritual." "[ Both vocalizing ]" "Yes, the hill person joins." "[ All vocalizing ]" "Thank you so much for coming." "Thank you." "Appreciate it, guys." "[ Laughter ]" "Guys." "Yep." "Talk in British accents." "Right." "You all right, there?" "[ British accent ] Cod and chips?" "You've got it, sir." "[ Laughs ]" "A regular or large cod and chips?" "A normal one." "A normal cod " "You sound like a moron." "Anything else, sir?" "Three Cokes." "Three Coca-Colas." "Three Cokes." "He's not all right." "One, two, three." "Sal: [ Chuckles ] He believed Joe." "The total is £21 even." "It is not." "It may be my third day." "I've just started this week." "Where do you think I'm from?" "Uh..." "[ Laughs ]" "[ Laughter ]" "[ Normal voice ] Hi." "How are you, sir?" "Welcome to Toff's." "How can we help you?" ""What else can I get you?"" "What else can I get you?" "That's it." "That's it." ""And when did you stop trying?"" "And -- [ Chuckles ] Dude." "[ Laughter ]" "Well, there's the loss." "[ Buzzer ]" "Hi." "Can I have a regular cod and a large cod." "And battered sausage, as well." "Guys, get super-confused here." "So...regular chips." "Joe:" "He's -- Look at this kid." "[ Laughs ]" "So, a large cod." "Regular cod." "You don't want -- You don't want a regular cod?" "A large cod." "Joe:" "Wow!" "This kid's got sass." "Q, tell the little kid to respect his elders." "Hey, you better respect your elders, man." "You better respect your elders." "Beverages?" "Q, do the, uh, slicing of the throat gesture to him." "Yo." "Oh, you know what else?" "Look over here." "We have, uh " "Sal's distracting the older brother." "That's why people..." "Psst, psst." "Look over here." "Q, rough him up a little." "Rough him up." "[ Laughter ]" "Sal:" "This is the adult's menu, and this is the kid's menu, for kids." "But they're gonna be kid-sized..." "Q, I think the older brother needs some help." "Sal, you are incensed by this little kid." "I don't know what he told you." "Did he tell you about our new delivery service?" "Uh, no." "No?" "Oh, my God." "Listen to me." "You got to pay attention." "Who taught you -- Look at me." "Who taught you how to hold a -- [ Laughs ]" "Get him." "[ Laughter ]" "Who taught you how to hold fries like that?" "You never been to a Toff's before?" "[ Laughter ]" "You never came to a Toff's before in your life?" "You don't know how to hold the chips?" "[ Laughter ]" "All right." "This is all cool." "I don't know where we are." "I don't know if you noticed this, but I was just distracting you while he -- while he beat up your brother." "[ Laughs ] Yeah." ""Makes a lot of sense!"" "[ Laughs ]" "Boo her." "Boo her when she walks in." "Boo!" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Hiss!" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Away with you!" "Boo." "What?" "What can I get you?" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Have a nice day." "[ Hisses ]" "[ Laughter ]" "Hey." "How's it going, man?" "What can I get you, sir?" "So, we got a little surprise for Q and Sal." "Our friend stopped by set today." "James Buckley, who starred in "The Inbetweeners,"" "a huge show out here." "So, he's gonna stop by and, uh, you know, say a little something to Q and Sal." "[ Laughs ]" "It's my first day from New York." "Really?" "So, I'm still trying to figure everything out." "Yeah." "[ knocking ]" ""Stop watching me sleep!"" "[ Laughter ]" "Explain that, jerks." "Wow." "Look at the guy!" "Here's what's happening." "I watch him sleep." "You know what it is?" "The first, like, couple dozen times I did it, he didn't have a problem with it." "Now, all of a sudden, he's coming to my place of work and throwing a sheet of loose leaf against the window." "I didn't think he'd come to my job." "What, is he stalking you?" "[ Laughter ]" "I feel like you're judging me." "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you've never watched another man sleep." "[ Laughs ]" "[ Laughter ]" "Really?" "No." "When his food comes, "Can we watch you eat this?"" "Can we watch you eat it?" "Do you want to just take a bite for us?" "¶¶" "[ Laughter ]" "Oh, yeah." "[ Laughter ]" "Sal's gonna eat out of his hand!" "Oh, my God!" "[ Laughter ]" "You don't know where his hands have been!" "I'm " " I'm -- I'm cutting out carbs." "[ Laughter ]" "Again, I feel like you're judging us." "[ Ding!" "]" "Narrator:" "Murr and Joe got fried, so they're being served up on the loser board." "Today, we're hanging out by the Tower Bridge, making odd public announcements using this bullhorn." "Only we'll have no control over what's being said, because the other guys will be speaking for us through this microphone." "If you can't take the heat, turn off the bullhorn and you lose." "I wonder if anyone's gonna make announcements about lost eyebrows." "I wonder if that's gonna be made." "[ Laughs ]" "Okay, here we go, boys." "Sir." "Sir, with the backpack." "You could do better." "[ Laughter ]" "That's what you're starting with?" "Q:" "Hey, hey, England!" "You remember when you owned America?" "Tables have turned, baby!" "U.S.A.!" "U.S.A.!" "U.S.A.!" "You're making me sound like a dick." "You can shut it at any time." "Oh, lots of -- lots of hot dads and hot daughters around here today, you know what I mean?" "There's four hot daughters right there." "Hey, where's your dads?" "Yo, you got a bunch of your dads I could look at?" "Hey, what about you two kids?" "Is your dad around here somewhere?" "[ Laughs ]" "My name's James Murray." "I'm from New York City." "My phone number is 917" "[ Laughter ]" "That's it." "[ Buzzer ]" "[ Beatboxing ]" "[ Beatboxing continues ]" "Are you trying to embarrass him or you?" "[ Laughs ]" "Sir, uh, with the two ladies " "Which one is yours?" "I'll take the other one." "[ Chuckles ]" "You are a creep." "[ Laughs ]" "Wow." "Look at them titties bounce." "[ Laughter ]" "He goes like this." "He went like this." "Sal:" "Guys, excuse me." "Guys, guys." "Guys!" "Emergency question." "What's the age of consent in London?" "[ Laughter ]" "Walk toward them." "Walk toward them." "Age of consent emergency here." "Does anyone know the age of consent in London?" "[ Laughter ]" "Take one step closer." "What is your problem?" "Put it right against his chest." "Why are you not taking me seriously?" "[ Laughter ]" "I got to shut it off." "I can't take it anymore." "We got him!" "[ Laughter ]" "[ Buzzer ]" "Clearly you guys know who Banksy is." "Banksy?" "Well, I know who he -- Nobody knows who he is." "No one knows who he really is, but he's a famous artist." "He's got a mysterious identity, right?" "Yeah." "Yo!" "I-I decided to tell everybody." "Yo, I'm Banksy, y'all!" "I am Banksy." "I'm 'bout to spray-paint this area up and improve its value!" "[ Laughter ]" "You don't know me!" "You people don't know Banksy!" "You don't know my struggle!" "My whole life, it's just been me and a can of paint!" "Knock, knock!" "Banksy!" "Banksy, bitch!" "[ Laughter ]" "Oh, God. [ Laughs ]" "Uh, attention, everybody." "I will describe my daughter, Milana, to you." "[ Laughter ]" "That's enough." "[ Buzzer ]" "Sal, you ready to go?" "Yeah, I am." "Is it " " Is it on?" "It's, uh " "It doesn't look on." "[ Screams ]" "[ Laughter ]" "So, let's surprise Sal a little bit." "Sal is known to be pretty sassy, right?" "Let's turn it up a notch." "Shay, can you join us for a sec?" "This is one of our producers, Shay." "Shay, I think you're angry at everybody walking by." "Ready?" "Shay:" "You got a problem?" "!" "What you looking at?" "!" "You!" "Hey, you!" "Stop looking at me like that!" "I know you hear me talking to you!" "Stop looking at me like that!" "Take Shay off the " "[ Laughter ]" "Joe:" "Sal, and that's how you do a sassy black woman." "[ Laughter ]" "Q:" "Daddy?" "Dad?" "Daddy?" "Dad?" "Daddy?" "Daddy?" "Daddy short-shorts?" "Daddy short-shorts?" "Oh, Daddy short-shorts." "Quick cuddle?" "Quick cuddle with them short-shorts?" "Oh!" "Daddy!" "Daddy striped shirt!" "Daddy striped shirt!" "Daddy-waddy." "Quick cuddle?" "Daddy red shoes." "Daddy glasses, red shoes." "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "Daddy-waddy." "Stop." "He's gone." "He's gone." "I did it, all right?" "[ Humming ]" "Jogging." "[ Humming ]" "Baby." "[ Humming ]" "Scarf." "[ Humming ]" "Threesome?" "[ Laughter ]" "You're done, buddy." "[ Buzzer ]" "Narrator:" "It was white flags for these four Yankees, which makes Joe and Murr tonight's big losers." "We have survived!" "Q and I are the kings of England." "You remember the New Jersey Devils, when you put us in the hockey net and they were just shooting pucks at us?" "Yeah, we get it." "We're goalies." "No, you're not just goalies." "You are target practice for the professional football club the Wycombe Wanderers." "And we didn't want you to go out there alone, so we invited a few of the wonderful people of Great Britain." "[ Cheers and applause ]" "A few fans?" "!" "How do you know this many people in England?" "I hope at least two of these people know CPR." "[ Laughs ]" "All right." "Stick together." "Stick together." "That's important." "[ Chanting ] Loser!" "Loser!" "Loser!" "Loser!" "Losers!" "Murr:" "Joe, these are the big guys." "[ Chuckles ] Oh, my God." "Sal:" "Here we go!" "You're a tall drink of water, sir." "Here we go!" "Get out of here!" "Stay mobile, stay mobile, stay mobile." "Sal:" "Hit 'em, lads!" "Hit 'em!" "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Are you [bleep] -- Get the [bleep] out of here!" "Get the [bleep] " "Get back in there!" "[Bleep] you Did you hear that?" "!" "Did you hear that?" "!" "Get back in there!" "The whole thing went!" "Sal:" "That goal post is gonna be your head!" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "Go for the head." "Take his head off." "Here we go." "Here we go." "Oh [bleep]" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "Ohh!" "[ Laughter ]" "[ Laughing ] Are you okay?" "Are you okay?" "I got you." "Sal:" "That's how you football!" "[ Chanting ] Hit the ferret." "Hit the ferret!" "Hit the ferret!" "Hit the ferret!" "What are you talking about?" "!" "[ Chanting continues ]" "[Bleep] Oh, my " "My God!" "Ohh!" "Are you okay?" "They hit you in the head!" "Oh!" "[ Laughs ]" "No, he didn't!" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "You okay, bud?" "I'm doing fine." "You're doing fine 'cause I'm bigger!" "I'm fatter." "I'm a bigger target." "You see -- see the bald one right there?" "Look at that stupid look on his face." "Get 'em!" "Get 'em!" "¶¶" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Ooh!" "Holy..." "[ Cheers and applause ]" "Yeah!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "He hit me right in the ass." "[ Chanting ] Let's get sexy!" "Let's get sexy!" "Start stage two!" "Start stage two!" "Murr:" "Joey." "Oh [bleep]" "Ohh!" "Yes!" "Oh!" "[ Laughs ]" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Where you going?" "!" "Oh [bleep]" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "Holy [bleep]" "You okay?" "He did it!" "Yeah!" "[ Laughs ]" "Joe's lost it." "Joe's lost it." "[ Cheers and applause ]" "There's only two men on the field that haven't taken a shot at them yet." "Should we join?" "Let's join." "Come on." "[ Cheers and applause ]" "You guys ready?" "[ Laughs ]" "[Bleep]" "Joe:" "Protect your face and balls." "Protect your face and balls." "I love you, bud." "I love you, bud." "This is it." "I'll never let go, Joe." "I'll never let go." "[ Laughing and screaming ]" "[Bleep]" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "We're shooting a TV show -- a hidden-camera show called "Impractical Jokers."" "All right." "And I have these comedians in my ear telling me everything I have to say." "[ Laughs ]" "So, I'm not quite as stupid as these guys made me out to be." "[ Laughter ]"