"Hey, boss, what about Chloe?" " Right, right." "Okay." "This is the epic story of two noble chihuahuas," "Papi, and the love of his life, Chloe." "What about Uncle Pedro?" "And the pups?" "Yeah." "Yes, yes, yes, yes." "Okay." "This is the story of a whole family of chihuahuas." "Okay." "It is a tale of bravery, treachery, compassion..." "Peanut butter." " Peanut butter and love." "No, Mr. president, it's an honor meeting you, but I have to get the pups ready for school." "Keep dreaming, mi Amor." "Papi will take care of everything." "This goes in the toy pile." "Voila." "Good morning." "Rise and shine." "Up we go." "The early dog gets the bone." "Buenos dias." "Let's go!" " Dad!" " You're up!" "Mmm." "Peanut butter." "Mmm." "Flaky." "Papi, have I mentioned lately how much I love you?" "Mi Corazon, you are my moon, my stars," " my squeaky chew toy of love." " Aww." "Gross." "We're right here, you know." "All right!" "Who's ready for school?" "Please tell me this won't involve dirt or bones." "I just had my paws done." "You're a dog!" "Dirt and bones is 90% of our day!" " Huh?" " Listen, where I'm from they say," ""anything worth doing" ""requires getting a little dirt under the paw nails. "" "Now, come on!" "We got a great lesson today." "Last one out has to lick a cat!" " Yeah!" "Cats are weird." " I'm no cat-licker." "You'll be licking a cat." " I'm not licking a cat!" "Ow!" "Stupid door." "Okay, that was pep, Ali, Lala, Papi, Jr." "Wait a minute." "Rosa?" "Where is he?" "Squeaks?" "I've gotta find him." "No." "Not here." "Where are you?" "Vamos, Rosita." "Unless you wanna be coughing up fur balls, I'd shake a tail." "But I can't find squeaks." "I buried him during the scavenger hunt, and now he's gone." "Ah." "I see." "You wouldn't happen to mean this handsome squirrel?" "Ah, ah, ah?" "Forgetting something?" "Thanks, dad." "Gross." "It smells like pee." "I smell Uncle Pedro?" "Aha." "You see, mis hijos, long before humans communicated with each other through small electronic devices, dogs had a simpler, more effective means of communication, pee-maii." "Pee-maii?" " What?" "Let's see." "Single male pit bull, six, seeks a wet nose with a warm heart." "If you like peanut-butter coladas and off-leash walks in the rain..." " Bro, are you on stray date?" " Pee-harmony." "Pups, this message was from Uncle Pedro." "Now, what did we learn today?" " Uh..." "Uncle Pedro needs a girlfriend?" " This is just embarrassing." "Do I smell churros for breakfast?" "Mmm-hmm." "I wanted to try a new recipe." "Don't get used to it." "They look amazing." "Thank you." "You know, Rache, now that you finished school," "I don't feel right relying on aunt Viv so much." "And that probably means getting our own place." "I just want it to be the right place." "Check this out." "Whoa! "The Langham huntington Pasadena seeks candidates" ""for the following positions, landscape designer. "" " Sam, you'd be perfect!" " Keep scrolling." "Oh, um..." ""Experienced sous-chef... "" "Experienced sous-chef?" "At the royce?" "No way." "Keep reading." "That's not the best part." "Okay, we get to live at the hotel?" "We'd get to live at the hotel!" "My gosh, honey." "It'd be perfect." "Now, there's just one little thing." " What?" " Well, we gotta land the jobs first." "Minor detail." "Hmm." "Huh?" " It's Latin." " I'm Latin." "It means "life, love, pedigree. " This place is a dream." "I hope Rachel and Sam do well." "Our pups would love it here." "They have the poshest doggy day school in the city." "Whoa." "Hold up!" ""Doggy day school"?" "I know you love teaching the pups, but, I mean, the pups always seem to get straight a's." "Do you grade on a curve?" "Baby, I grade on the curb!" "I teach 'em street school." "I know you're a great teacher." "It's just you know how I feel about homeschooling." "Homeschooling?" "You know what happens when you send pups off to those day schools?" "Pup pressure and ticks and..." "And tail piercings!" "That's actually a common misconception." "Welcome to the Langham, where we're all bark and no bite." "And that's okay." "I run our award-winning certified canine academy with Jenny over here." "The name's Oscar." "What's yours?" "Hi." "I'm Chloe and this is Papi." "No way!" "Chloe winthrop ashe?" "Cortez." "Aww!" "What a wittle cutie-wutie!" "Hi!" "Who are you calling wittle, lady?" "Oscar, let's go set up the welcome bowls." "Gotta make sure our pups fuel up for a full day of learning and fun, fun, fun!" " Jenny!" " Oh!" "Miss Brickhouse." "So what do you teach at this school anyway?" "You cover hydrant awareness?" "Doorbell barking?" "Do you even teach basic bone burial?" "Don't worry about it, little dude." "I got it all covered." "High four, bro." "I'm not your bro, dude." "No problemo." ""Thank you for your interest in the Langham huntington Pasadena." ""Please don't call, text or email us." ""We'll call, text or email you. "" "Well, thank you for your time." "Papi, Chloe, come on." "Let's go." "Excuse me." "That's your dog?" "I'm sorry." "The lady on the phone said it was okay if we brought them." "Please, don't apologize." "You see, we've had a little trouble with business ever since the montague opened up down the street." "Montague." "Remember, Rache, that was the place I was telling you about, with the incredible gardens that were..." "How unsightly they are." "Total eyesore." " Right." "We're in the midst of making the Langham the luxury dog destination, but we need a dog to be the face of our hotel." "Hello!" "A dog who will attract those well-heeled jetsetters and their canine companions." " I like this guy!" " A dog with style." " Yep." "A dog with grace." "Hey, when you got it, you got it." "Chloe winthrop ashe." "Cortez." "We need her to make appearances." "Spa treatments, grooming service, lounging by the dog pools." "A paid socialite." "That sounds right up Chloe's alley." "Brilliant." "When can she start?" "Sir, it is your lucky day because we can all start tomorrow." "Hmm." "Okay." "You've got yourself a deal." " Great." " All right." "Great." "Thank you." "Right this way to fill out your paperwork." "We'll be right back." "Tomorrow?" "But I had a great food safety lesson planned for the pups." "I was gonna teach 'em the five-day rule." "I know this is a big change, but trust me, the pups are in good hands." "Oscar and Jenny seem great." " Great?" "Have you been drinking toilet water?" "Those two are loco." "Look at 'em!" "There you go." "It's a dog." "High four!" "Give me some paw." "Papi, we raised five very bright pups and whatever comes their way, i know they'll be ready to face it." "What if I'm not ready?" "Okay, everyone." "It's time for bed." "You'll need lots of rest before your first day." "Rosa, is something wrong?" " She's been like this all day." "Can you blame her?" "I mean, our first day of school." "Uh..." "I didn't mean that, mom." "I just meant real school." " Uh..." "I mean..." " I know what you mean, pep." "Now get some sleep." "Tomorrow's a big day." "Yeah!" " Go faster!" "This is so much fun!" "Go faster!" "I can feel the wind in my fur." "This is so much fun!" "Come on, come on." "Go!" " Go faster!" "Hang on!" "Gangway!" " Come on, keep going!" "I don't know, Rache, do you think we brought enough stuff?" "To what room shall I take these?" "Oh, uh..." " Room 318." " Yes, sir." "Thank you." "Let's be on our best behavior, shall we?" "We're hosting a vip just above your room in the presidential suite." "Amelia James, editor-in-chief of James leisure, in town for our garden gala." "The party of the year." "Oh." "But you didn't hear any of this from me." " You don't have to worry about us, sir." " Oh." "Really?" "Am I correct in presuming that the pups currently go-carting in the lobby belong to you?" "That would be Ali, Lala, pep, rosa and Papi, Jr." "And you, of course, know Chloe." "Oh!" "Welcome back, Chloe." "And you know Papi." "Yes." "Papi." "And, last but not least, there's Pedro." "Hold it, bro." "Resist!" "No, don't!" "This Pedro, is he..." "He's definitely part of he family, too?" "Definitely." "I'm sure you understand, sir." "Your family must live here." "Well, I can't say that they do, or that I have any family to speak of." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to presume that you did..." "Well, well, well, no." "Work keeps me so busy, I hardly even notice the long, lonely nights." "I'm sorry." "That must be tough." "Only on days that end in "y. "" " Hey, great suit!" " Mmm-hmm." "I really love the handkerchief thing you got going on there." "It's hermes." " It's hermes-ing." "Sam." "Shall we?" "Yeah." " Yes." "Impressive." "Whoa!" "This is ours?" " Awesome!" "This is great!" "Hey!" "I get this couch!" " I get this one!" "This place is great!" " Check out this view!" "What are we waiting for?" "Mr. Cortez, I'm afraid the only thing they have to offer you this evening is our michelin star six-course tasting menu." "And I hope you don't mind, but it's all absolutely free." "That should be all right, Mrs. Cortez." "I'll just have to check with Lester, my assistant." "You get an assistant?" " I get an assistant." "Yeah." " Oh, honey." "Do you think we could check out one of these tango classes in the dance studio?" "Thank you." "Thank you!" " Yeah." "The Langham." "You know, i hear they have a whole closet dedicated exclusively to peanut butter." "Really?" "Wow." "No way." "Is that really true?" "They've got one shelf for chunky, one for creamy, one for sort of creamy but also a little chunky, one for all natural, but no one ever eats those." "Too hard to stir." "What's wrong, mi hija?" "First day of school jitters?" "You know, I wasn't always the brave chihuahua you see before you today." "I'm scared of lots of things." "Mom?" " No, not mom." "Who packed this?" "Well, yeah, sometimes mom." "But the point is, it's okay to be afraid." "And remember, rosa, there's nothing wrong with being different." "Different is just a nice way of saying "runt. "" "Ah." "But you're not just different, you're special." "Too special to be like everyone else." "Hey, Papi, this was in a box marked "do not open. "" "Where do you want it?" "Yeah, just leave it right there." "Thanks." "You were on dancing with the stars?" "I wasn't on dancing with the stars." "I was a chambelan, part of an honor court at a friend's quinceanera." "Is that like a sweet sixteen or something?" "It's better!" "A quinceanera is a very special celebration." "See, on her fifteenth birthday, a quince steps out from beneath the watchful eye of sus padres to stand on her own four paws." "Who else's paws would she stand on?" "Let me rephrase." "You see, pups spend years learning." "They're told what to wear, when to sit, and when to heel." "Tell me about it." "But then one day, the pup, she stops relying on all those lessons." "What does she rely on, then?" "Her heart, mi hija." "Someday, you too will become a quince." "Phillips head." "I'm gonna need a Phillips head!" "Wait, I don't even know how to use a Phillips head." "I'm no expert, but I don't think you need a screwdriver to go scuba diving." "This is not a leisure trip." "It's a safety inspection." "Oscar may be their teacher, but I'm still their father, and it's my job to make sure my pups are safe." "Keep an eye on the filter, i have to go check on Chloe." "They make these things so tight, I'm chafing." "Yeah, Chloe, yeah!" "Okay, now growl like a wolf, huh?" "Yes." "I think you are part wolf." "Now make me love it!" "Now make me hate it!" "Now make me confused, but I can't look away." "Now give me," ""somebody put something in my bowl and I don't know what that is. "" "Mi Amor, how is your first day on the job?" "Are you too hot?" "Too cold?" "Are they giving you regular water breaks?" "Okay, now what is this?" "Sweetie, they're taking good care of me." "Oh." "Okay, good." "Hey, you know, there are some beautiful off-leash trails here." "I thought maybe tomorrow we could take a romantic hike." "You, me, some kibbles, some bits..." "That sounds fun, honey, but I can't." "I have a ribbon-biting ceremony for the new boutique." "Right." "Okay, another time." "Hey, chica, great scarf." "Bark Jacobs?" " Pucci, actually." " Loves it!" " Careful, pool boy." " Papi!" "What?" "This is interesting." "I was just telling him to be careful." "It's the polite thing to do around a pool." " Hey, Pedro!" "Be careful!" " Thanks, Papi!" "See?" "So, wonder how the pups are doing." "Who's ready for a super-duper day?" "Today we're gonna learn how to lay on floatie rafts without getting our paws all wet and icky." "But dad always tells us to jump right in." "Shh, Papi, Jr." "dad's not our teacher anymore." "Okay, everyone, find a partner." "We're gonna follow Oscar to the pool." "Yeah!" "We get to go to the pool!" "The pool is so much fun!" "Little rosa, remember you have to wear your swimmies at all times." "I'm gonna learn how to doggy paddle." "You don't know how to doggy paddle?" "Wanna be my swimming partner?" "It's so nice outside!" "I can't wait to go to the pool!" "Yeah, pool!" " Let's go!" "Hi, I'm rosa." "Nice to meet you." "Aww." "Look at the little puppykins in the little swimmies!" "She has swimmies!" "Rosa, wait up." "What is wrong with you?" "That's just what you get when you mess with our sister." "Or wear spandex." "Hi!" "I'm Rachel." "Hi, I work here, too." " Hi." "Hi, nice to meet you." " Hi." "Hi." " What is that?" "Salmon?" " Salmon, yes." "Salmon, no." "Do it again." "That, that looks more like salmonella." "Allez!" "In the corner." "Ah!" "You." "There you are." "The dishes are overflowing." "Allez, hop!" "Zou!" "Hop!" "The dishes?" "Oh, uh, no." "I'm sorry." "Actually, it's me." "Rachel." " Cortez?" " Yeah." "Rachel Cortez." " Your new sous-chef?" " Yeah, yeah." "Anyway, chef didier, it is such a pleasure to meet you and I am such a huge fan of your truffled gnocchi." "What is it you are saying?" "I cannot hear you." "All I can hear is the sound of the dishes not being done!" "Allez!" "Zou!" "Hop!" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Were you waiting for an invitation?" "Huh?" "There must be some confusion, because I was just..." "No!" "Make it shine or your goose is cooked!" "Cooked!" ""Your goose is cooked. "" "Yes, it has a nice ring to it, it has..." "Poetic, but firm." "Why is she staring at me?" "Are you staring at me?" "Are you staring at chef didier?" " The chef didier?" "Huh?" " Uh... no, no." "So rude!" "So rude." "No manners, these young people nowadays." "I'm not rude." "I'm Frank." "I'm didier, but I'm Frank." "You know, like direct." "She was staring at me." "Hey!" "Don't stare at me." "Don't stare." "Don't stare at me." "Hey." "Hey!" "You must be Sam, right?" " Yes." " I'm Lester." "Welcome to the team, boss." "Wow." "Looks like we got our work cut out for us, huh?" "Yeah, yeah." "Sure do." "Mind grabbing that shovel?" "Better start digging." "Ooh, ooh." "I would love to, but I can't." "Carpal tunnel." " You have carpal tunnel syndrome?" " No." "Thank goodness." " Have you had it?" " No." "It's bad." "You do not wanna get it." "Don't get caught in the tunnel." "The carpal tunnel." "No." "Hey, great to meet you." "Really, really good." " Uh, Lester!" " Yeah." "What about these plants?" "They're not just gonna trim themselves." "They're not?" "I like the plants." "It's kind of part of my overgrown style I'm developing." "Huh?" "It's more of an organic... where the plants just become themselves." "And they live in their own truth." "Papi." "I've never been happier to see you." "Do you think you can give me a hand?" "Hey, you don't have to ask this chihuahua twice." "Oscar." "Where's he going?" "Who's with the pups?" "Sam, will you excuse me for one second?" "I'll be right back." "What is this place?" "Oscar?" "Hello?" "What's going on back here?" "Hey, what's that gate lead to?" "You all right, man?" "Hey." "Hey, skedaddle." "I thought I told you not to come around here." " Oscar, what is going on around..." " Papi!" "Hola, amigo." "Don't mind him, that's just Arnie, our resident stray." " What's his deal?" " Poor fellow's a mute." "So, what brings you around these parts?" "You come here often?" "I'm working." "Shouldn't you be doing the same?" "Whoa!" "Wait." "Was that Jenny?" "Who's watching the pups?" "What?" "No, no." "That wasn't Jenny." "I know Jenny." "Then who was it?" "Who was who?" "Who are any of us, really?" "Yeah, okay, right." "Listen, I'm gonna get back to work." "I suggest you do the same." "Hey, listen." "I don't trust that Oscar guy." "You see anything strange going on back here, give me a bark, okay?" "Hey, nice carving." "You got skills, man." "Who's it of?" "You trying to tell me something?" "All right." "Good talk." "Okay." "Quinoa frittata with heirloom kibble aigre-doux?" " That looks delicious!" " I want some!" " Mom!" "Mom!" "Mom!" " I want some!" "Mom, I want some!" "Who ordered theirs with a side of peanut butter?" "Oh, um..." "Chloe!" "We need to talk." "There's something fishy about Jenny and Oscar." "They're..." "Kennel cough!" "Gee, I sure hope I'm well enough to go back to school tomorrow." "We need to get you to the vet!" "Whoa!" "The vet?" "Uh..." "I'm suddenly feeling much better." "All right." "The only thing i want you coughing up is the truth." "Mom, please." "I don't wanna go back to school." "Rosa, school can be fun." "Not if you're the runt of the litter!" "That's the worst thing to be in a litter." "Hey!" "No one calls my little girl a runt!" "I don't wanna be a "little" anything." "I want to be a quince." " I'm almost 15." "15?" " Fifteen?" " She's as old as me." "I'm two!" " What are you talking about?" " In dog years." "What's a quince?" "It sounds like one of dad's weird Mexican holidays." "What about our sweet sixteen?" "Sweet sixteen?" "Who said anything about a sweet sixteen?" "Quinceaneras are the coolest." "I'm not sure." " I don't know about that." " I want the sweet sixteen." " Quince-hubba-whatta?" "Dad?" "Yes, my little Rosita?" "I want a quince." "Well, lucky you." "'Cause your father's gonna throw you the biggest, baddest fiesta this town's ever seen!" "Did you guys hear that?" "Hey!" "Forgetting something?" "Thanks, dad." "Whoops." "Got it!" "A quinceanera?" "Are you sure you're ready to let your little girl go?" "I don't wanna let her go." "I just wanna make her feel special." "Sam?" "Honey?" "I'm sure you've had a long day, but these are like 600 count sheets." "Do you wanna maybe shower?" "Okay." "Sleep well." "Mi Amor, I made the doggy bags and I'm all ready for bedtime!" "Papi, you didn't have to do their bags." "The chef at school makes their lunch." "That's not school." "It's vacation!" "They'll never have to learn anything for themselves as long as they're here." "That's why they call it a full-service hotel." "Mi Amor, will you come out already?" "I've been waiting patiently to see your angelic..." "Beautiful, exquisite face." "Remember, my love, only drink out of your own bowl." "No belly rubs from strangers." " And if you need me..." " Goodbye, Papi." "I'll meet up with you and the party planner after work." "I will count the..." "Party planner?" "What?" "You don't think i can handle this on my own?" "Rosa said everyone at school uses one for their sweet sixteen." " But this is a..." " Party of a lifetime!" "Sebastian!" "That's right, everybody." "Fasten your chew-boutins and let the planning begin." "I'm here and I have fabric samples!" "And here you'll find our exquisite, top of the line, vip pool for you and your darling Charlotte." "Come look, Charlotte." "Yes, you'll have every amenity that you could possibly desire right here at your fingertips." "Poolside belly rubs, poolside pedicures..." "Ginkgo-mango smoothies." "Uh-uh." "Uh-uh." " Go." "Go." " Poolside massages and..." "You call this a state-of-the-art pool?" "They can't possibly expect me to be using the same pool as the likes of such riffruff." "I meant, for staff and dogs." "You can just ignore this for your review." "Miss Charlotte will have her very own royal plunge pool." "Charlotte doesn't plunge." "She floats." " Oh." " On a float." "Uh... yes." "Can you imagine what chlorine would do to this gorgeous coat?" "Terrible things." "She's a defending champion of the westminster dog show, not some bottle blonde." "Yes, yes." "I..." "I..." " Will you please show us to our room?" " Yes." " Yes." "The presidential suite." " Come, Charlotte." "We expect you'll be most comfortable there." " I can peel grapes." " Psst." "Pardon, your highness." "Welcome to the Langham." "Perhaps we could meet at the park for a moonlit stroll sometime." "Hmm?" "Oh!" "Uh... hmm." "Charlotte." "Hey, kids!" "Hey!" "Papi, Jr.?" "Ali?" "Pep?" "Lala?" " What's up, dad?" "Morning!" " Rosita?" " Hi, dad." " Hey, dad." "You guys left without me." "It's okay, dad." "We know the way." "Hey!" "Hey, Rosita, are you forgetting something?" "Nope." "They have everything we need at school." "Oscar!" "Hey, little dudes." "Ready for a big day?" "Yeah!" "I think we want a tone that screams quince, you know?" "That just gets all up in your face and yells," ""I'm a quince, what are you gonna do about it?"" "Doesn't the father of the quince get a say in any of this?" "Of course!" "Listen, if we need digging advice, you're our first stop." "Well, what if we had little chew toy party favors?" "You see, rosa, it's so cute, she carries around this little squeaky squirrel like..." "Like an adorable little puppy?" "Papi, sweetie, boychick, she's not your little puppy anymore." " The quince is all about letting go." " I know!" "I know." " Can't I just hold on a little longer?" " Papi." "Shh." "Did you hear that?" "There, there, Papi." "I'll protect you from the scary butterfly." "Hello, we're talking here!" "So, we good on the color tones?" "What's that rustling?" "Oscar?" "Just close the door." "You're freaking me out." "We are at the Langham, okay?" "It's not like some boogeyman is gonna come flying over the..." "Hey, you guys." "The Langham sure does have some nice flowers back here." "I can't afford this kind of stress." "I'm gray and wrinkly as it is." "Pedro, what are you doing?" "I need your opinion." "The rose says I'm a romantic, but the sunflower says I like to party." "Okay, spill it." "What's her name?" "Charlotte James." "Like a sonnet." "Nice, bro." "She fixed?" "I believe so!" "But she won't even sniff in my direction." "I hate to beat the pinata of true love, but we have a party to plan." "Now, when I think about the color motif, i see fuchsia." "What about you, Pedro?" "I see peanut butter." "Uh-huh." "And what about the centerpieces?" "Peanut butter." "Fabulous!" "You're gonna be a big help." "Let me ask you something." "You went to culinary school, oui?" "Yes." "Oui, sir." "I graduated from the Beverly hills culinary institute with distinction." "Wow." "How impressive." "As a distinct graduate, may I offer my advice from an old chef?" "I'd be honored, sir." "Nobody cares!" "Go back to work or your potatoes are fried!" "My God, that one, i didn't quite land that one." "Okay, qu'est-ce qu'il y a encore?" "Chef, I'm afraid one of our guests didn't like the Risotto." "What do you mean "didn't like"?" "This is magnifique!" "I mean, who doesn't like magnifique?" "Amelia James, sir." "She found it to be uninspired." " Uninspired?" " Yeah." "What would you like me to do?" "I'll tell you what I'd like you to do." "You're going to take this and give it to her." "Go!" "Allez!" "Go!" "Now!" "Go!" "Uninspired." "Uninspired." "These Americans!" "Compliments of chef didier." "Our locally sourced heirloom bloomsdale savoy spinach, wrapped and folded in layers of handmade artisanal sheets of unbleached grain, caressed in waves of ragusa, sicilian ricotta, and drizzled with the essence of San marzano tomatoes, picked at the height of their harvest" "and flown in from the valle del Sarno this very morning." "In other words, lasagna?" "Bon appetit." "Hmm." "Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to a very special guest, who will now be regaling us on the piano." "Oh!" "Music." "If music be the kibble of love, play on." "Who said that?" " I just did." "Listen." "For rosa's quinceanera, music is the most important thing." "It's the heart, the soul, the paws, the tail, the ears..." "I get it." "That's why I've assembled some of the greatest acts in fur today." "Canine inch nails, motley chew, the fixxed!" "Ready to have your mind blown?" "First up, put your paws together for Bob Marley and me!" "Jah-jah" " Bo th;" "Woof" " jah-huahua - woof big ears, little dog" " jah-jah - woof!" "Jah-huahua isn't this wonderful?" ""Jah-huahua," they call it." "Big heart, little paws that little dog-a go-a park today him need a walk, take him right away him gotta smell, gotta pee and play chihuahua dog always know the way" " jah-jah - woof" " jah-huahua - woof big eyes, little smile..." "You'll be humming this tomorrow, guaranteed." "Woof" " jah-huahua - woof woof" " big heart - woof lot of style irie mon, pass me a biscuit." " Aren't they wonderful?" " I don't think so." "You're right." "Terrible." "Next!" "Ladies and gentlemen..." "Er..." "Papi, give it up for black labbeth!" "I love the black leather." "Hold it!" "Hold it!" "Hold it!" "Ow!" "Ouch, ouch!" "It's just the same three chords over and over!" "Hey, man, you try playing an augmented fifth with three toes." "Fine, but you guys are still booked for my winter formal, right?" "Two sets, free jerky treats, no brown mm's." "I got it." "Coming up next is houndgarden!" "I don't get it, but they're huge in Seattle." "I mean, it's just completely rude." " Yeah, man." "They cut us off like 30 seconds into the song." "Cut us off." "Yeah, I mean, that's not right." "I don't think they get our music in the colonies." "Next!" "Throw your tails in the air for the black eyed fleas!" "Great guys." "They used to rehearse on me." " Such showmanship." " Next!" "Lady gaga and the tramp." "Oh, please." "Next!" "There is no next." "You've rejected all of them." "But none of them were good enough for my Rosita." "We need someone special." "Someone magical." "Someone with soul." "Someone unforgettable." "In short, we need a miracle." "Buenas tardes." "Who are you?" "Please, allow me to introduce myself." "I am El senor Diego arroyo Montoya de marengo." "This is humberto Juan Carlos Gutierrez de Nunez." " And that's Phil." " What's up?" "And we are the three mariachis." "Okay, moving right along." " Can you cover RB?" " Si." " Hip-hop?" " Si." " Death metal?" " Si." " Klezmer?" " Si, si, si." "Baroque opera." "Vivaldi or bach?" "We'll give 'em a shot." "It is a miracle." "I love these guys!" "Man, those mariachis really wiped me out." "How did you get home from school?" "I walked." "By yourself?" "Where are the other pups?" "They stayed late to finish the polo match." "polo match?" "Wait a minute." "With, like, a pony?" " How do you even get up there?" " I couldn't." "Oscar said I was too small, so I got stuck in arts and crafts." "I made you a picture." "This right here is a good-looking rabbit." "Practically a Picasso." "It's a goat, dad." "Uh..." "Hi, honey." "I'm sorry I'm late." "I missed you." "Hey, where are the rest of the pups?" "I wanna talk to you about that." "I don't like what the pups are learning at school." "Like what?" "Like polo!" "These are not good chihuahua values!" "And don't even get me started on this Oscar character." "Honey, the pups love Oscar." "He's been nothing but kind." "Yeah?" "Well, I got my ears on him." "Remember, mijos, if you need anything, just bark me." "Any time." "No problem is too small." "Dad is here." "Completely available." "And Rosita, don't forget to make daddy another one of your famous goat pictures!" "Goat picture." "What?" "It was a nice picture." "What the..." "Hey!" "Hold it right there!" "Papi." "Hey!" "So great to see you, buddy!" "What are you doing here?" "The question is, what are you doing here?" "Are you ever with the pups?" "Papi, buddy, relax." "The pups are great." "Oscar!" "Come on over!" "I wanna introduce you to someone." "Here, boy!" "On my way!" "But where were you on your way to before?" "I got a pretty good guess." "Does anyone know you're here?" "Of course not." "Because I could get into a lot of trouble." "I can't get high enough!" "Gotta buy me one of those" "trampolines!" "Why is Oscar always hanging around back here?" "If only you had some way to tell me." "You're getting pretty good at those, man." "What's this one?" "That doesn't sound like Oscar." "Listen, we've got trouble." "They've hired a new dog at the hotel, and she's here with her pups, and I think..." " Did you hear that?" " Relax." "You are doing a great job, Jenny." "Jenny?" "I knew there was something fishy about her." "No one's that perky." "So, maybe Papi is on to something after all." "Yeah!" "Which one's Papi?" "Phil, are you even paying attention?" "Uh... not really." "Papi better have a real good excuse, because tardy is not gonna plan this party!" "Guys, guys!" "I knew it!" "That Bernard is no Saint!" "It's Jenny and Oscar." "I know it might seem like they're just manipulative, rude and sneaky, but it gets worse." "They're also conniving schemers." "Yeah, they seem real suspect, with their balloons and their hugs..." "I overheard Jenny talking about Chloe!" "Sweetie, everybody's talking about Chloe." "Her face is plastered on every brochure in this hotel." "Papi, the fiesta fun train is about to leave the station." "So you can either get both paws onboard, or destroy rosa's hopes and dreams on the most important day of her life." "Totally your call." "All right, I'm on the fun train." "Excellent!" "Now that we're all playing off the same sheet of music, did everybody bring their dancing shoes?" "Huh?" "Well, this is humiliating." "But at least he didn't make me wear sparkly legwarmers." "They're not legwarmers." "They're..." "Ay, dios mio, they're legwarmers." "Hey, when do we get to eat the salsa?" "I gotta get to the spa." "Chloe is there with Oscar." "I need to..." "I'm good." "One, two, three, eyes on me." "And, uno, dos, tres, cuatro." "It's all about the motion in the ocean." "Feel the beat, feel the rhythm." "Try to be one with the music!" "Try to be Juan?" "Pedro, sweetheart, give me something." "Give me anything!" "I've seen pet cemeteries with more life." "Come on, people!" "Let's do a little fosse, a little twyla." "And salsa, and salsa, and salsa, and chips!" "Thank you." "Yes, we offer Swedish, shiatsu, acupressure..." "Yes, we do offer seaweed wraps." "Hang on one second." "Excuse me, I'm sorry, you need an appointment." "I'm not sure where the seaweed comes from." "Yes, I believe it comes from the ocean." "Can you hang on a sec?" "Yes, we do offer mud baths." ""Will you get dirty?"" "Oh, Oscar, you're kidding!" "Whoo!" "My dogs are barking!" "That was some workout?" "Huh?" "That instructor always kicks my tail." "You're really good at downward dog." "Thanks." "Hey!" "You might have everyone else fooled with your whistle and your unusually silky coat, but I'm on to you, Buster!" "Papi?" "What are you doing here?" "Mi Amor, I was just..." " Spying on me?" " No!" "I was just hiding in the mud, listening to you talk." "Look, Papi, Chloe and I were just trying to enjoy a nice detox, ya know?" "Exchanging juicing tips and clearing our chakras, but I'll give you two some space to talk things out." "Hasta luego, amigo." "What?" "You don't think he speaks Spanish?" "We'll discuss this tonight." "But, mi Amor..." "Right." "I was just leaving." "Poor Papi." "Trouble in paradise." "I can't see anything!" "Everything's green!" "Phil!" "Calm down." "You have cucumbers on your eyes." "Oh!" "Yeah." "She snuck in!" " I'm not gonna tell anyone." " It wasn't my fault!" "Shh!" "Dad's coming!" "Hijos, I've missed you so much." "Dad!" "Our friends are right there!" "Oh!" "I am so sorry to ruin your day with a father's undying love." "Hey, where's your sister?" "It wasn't our fault!" " Ali tried to get it first!" " She snuck in!" " We couldn't do anything!" " It was too late!" "I was too far away to do anything, dad!" "Hold it!" "Hold it!" "One at a time." "Ay, chihuahua!" "Rosita, what happened?" "I snuck into frisbee football." " Who was watching you?" " Nobody." "That's how I snuck in." "Wait up, hija!" "Your father is getting too old to chase after you." "Then stop chasing!" "Come on, Rosita." "Come back." "Don't you want to see the moves your father learned for your quinceanera?" "Never mind the quince!" "Jenny still won't even let me in the water without wearing those humiliating swimmies!" "I'll never learn to swim!" " So, don't wear humiliating swimmies." " What?" "I'm not saying, don't wear swimmies," "I'm saying, don't let them humiliate you." "What do you mean?" "In a world of big dogs, Rosita, your Papi is pretty small." "But instead of letting my size be a disadvantage, I learn to use it." "I made the big dogs wish they were small." "You are rosa Cortez." "Take pride in what makes you different." "Try this." "That's my little girl." "What did you say to me?" "You heard what I said." "I said I quit!" "Quit?" "Quit, quit?" "Nobody quits!" "Nobody quits!" "I..." "I fired him!" "I fired you!" "Yeah, your egg is poached!" "And you have been replaced by, uh..." "You!" "Cleaning lady!" "Ici." "I'm actually the sous-chef, sir." "Not anymore." "You are executive pastry chef, effective immediately." "Allez, hop!" " Are you serious?" " Oui, I am serious." "I am." "That's amazing!" "Thank you, chef!" "You are not gonna regret this!" "Are you touching me?" "Is she touching me?" "No!" "No." "Okay, okay." "Can you do souffle?" " Can I do a souffle?" " Yes." "Do birds sing and do dogs bark?" "Not generally at this hotel." "But, start practicing and make it good." "We have a gala on Friday and Ms. James likes her souffle perfect." " Capiche?" " Capiche!" "Good!" "Good." "Our review depends on it." "Good girl." "Okay." "Invites?" "Check." "Appetizers?" "Yes." "Crystal drinking bowls?" "Fabulous." "Sebastian!" "Listen." "Is your..." "Papi." "There you are." "We have got to make a final decision on these linens." "Didn't you get my message?" "I peed outside your door like six times." "I can't worry about that right now." "Just tell me, is your groomer still next to the police station?" "Because I need you to give a message to a trusted friend." "Sure, Papi, sure." "Whatever you need." "Thanks, Sebastian." "Now I gotta go keep an eye on that Jenny." "Oh, right." "Because she's so dangerously perky." "Hey, vatos." "When will they believe Papi?" "Will it be too late?" "I believe him." "Phil, you don't know what we're talking about, do you?" "Nope." " Hi!" " Hi!" " Sir?" " Yes?" "You need to see this." "What?" "Why all these cancellations?" "Why now?" "Whoa." "Okay." "Not good." "Uh..." "Mr. Hollis!" "Hey!" "What are you doing in here?" "And what is this dog doing in here?" "I heard a crash, and after I heard the crash I found this..." "This culprit." "He has a very guilty expression on his face, doesn't he?" "Is that my handkerchief?" "Do you know this is hermes?" "I just don't think he appreciates fine linen, sir." "You know, Papi, it's been hard enough here without getting yelled at by my boss." "I really didn't need this." "Hmm." "Okay, let's see what I got." ""Love will make you do crazy things." "Please forgive me." ""5 P.M. on the bridge of love"." "Good!" "Perfect." "Now Pedro." "You can do it!" "Come on, bro." "You gotta take a chance." "You know what, Papi?" "You're right." "I need to give Charlotte the chance to reject me for who I am." "Hit it, boys!" "Well, I have never been serenaded by a pit bull before." "In a bow tie." "Is that good?" "Well, she's still here." "Oh." "Dios mio." "Lester!" " What?" "What?" "What do you think?" "Oh!" "It's finished!" "It's sublime." "It's beautiful!" "Sam, we did it!" "We did it!" "Okay, all right, all right." "Hey, do you mind taking down that netting before you head off?" "And wrapping up the hoses?" "You got it, Sam." "Night, Lester." " Good night, Sam." " Yeah." "Okay, rosa." "This is it." "You've mastered the little pool." "You can do this!" "Does this look like a puppy pool to you?" "Because it doesn't look like a puppy pool to me." "Do you see any other puppies?" "Oh, look!" "No puppies." "Honey, check the vip tag." "Besides, aren't you a little small for such a big pool?" "I'm big where it counts, ma'am." "That is really cute, honey, but you don't belong here." "So go on." "Scram." "Shoo." "Oh." "Well, aren't you a beauty?" "You don't look a day over seven, if I must say." "Oh!" "No, my tag!" "But I..." "Doggone it!" "I can't believe this." "Ah." "Everything is perfect." "How could she not forgive me, right, Arnie?" "I mean, I'd forgive me." "Hey, Oscar." "Oscar?" "Hey, man, where you going?" "Relax, little dude." "You shouldn't worry so much about me." "You should be worrying about you and your family." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Hey!" "Hey, come back here!" "Pedro?" "Here, Papi." "I brought you a centerpiece for your picnic." "Aloe?" "Hello." "I brought you a centerpiece for your picnic." "Hey!" "Got a new one?" "Pedro, check it out." "He's got like a whole collection here." "What is that, a whistle?" "Wait a second." "Wait a second!" "Jenny?" "The gate." "Oscar!" "Arnie, you're a genius!" " Where are you going?" " The gate!" "That Saint Bernard is up to something, I knew it!" "I'll be right back!" "No way I'm letting you go in there without backup." "We'll just have a taste." "Papi won't even notice." "This is it, Mr. montague." "Tomorrow's guest list." "Celebrities, senators, dignitaries." "All the vip guests for the garden gala." " So I gotta go." " Ah, ah, ah." "Hasty now, aren't we?" "What else do you need?" "What I need is to protect my multi-million dollar venture." "And that means making sure that the Langham's little gala hits a few bumps in the road." "Are you hearing this?" "Jenny is out to ruin the gala!" "I guess you're not crazy after all, Papi." "Thanks a lot, bro." "Ay, chihuahua!" "Mi Amor!" "You are poetry on paws." "I was so looking forward to our romantic dinner." "Why are there three mariachis eating it?" "Chloe, I can explain." "Wait." "Did you hear that?" "Someone's in trouble!" "Help!" "Somebody!" "Somebody help me." "I can't swim." "Help!" "Anybody!" "Somebody, help!" "The deep end!" "Help me!" "Somebody..." "I can't swim!" "Come on, man!" "Let's roll!" " That sounds like Charlotte!" " That sounds like rosa!" "I'm caught!" "Something's got me!" "It's a snake!" "It's a hose!" "Who ever heard of a snake in the garden?" "That's why they call 'em garden snakes!" "This is where they live!" "Papi!" "No, no, slow down!" "Something big and ugly is chasing me!" "That's me!" "I'm trying to get you to slow down!" " Pedro, why are you chasing me?" " Papi, you've got to... oh!" "Papi, there goes a tree!" "Of all the nights for it to rain!" "That's not rain!" "You're breaking all the sprinklers!" "Who planted all these trees here?" "It's a garden!" "That's where they plant trees!" "Pedro, you don't do well in crisis." "Okay, there goes a statue!" "I never liked that statue." "Pedro!" "It got me!" "I'm stuck!" "Pedro, get me loose!" "Get me loose!" " Yeah, I got it." " Let's go!" "I'm coming, Rosita!" "Close call." "That could have gotten ugly." "Help!" "Please, please." "Help!" "Somebody help!" "Please." "Please." "I'm sinking." "Here!" "Grab this!" "I can't swim!" "Rosita, are you okay?" " I'm fine, dad." " You're shivering." "Thank you." "You're very kind." "You have a lot of explaining to do, young lady." "At the pool, at night, without swimmies!" "You're the one who told me to get my paws wet." "Not in the deep end." "I don't go in the deep end." "I didn't have a choice, dad." "You have to believe me." "Tell him." "Tell him what happened." "I lost my tag, and I was just reaching for it and..." "Charlotte!" "I'm telling you, Mr. Hollis, it was terrifying." "I could hear them all the way from the kitchen." " Charlotte!" " What were you doing in the kitchen?" "Oh!" "Um..." "Late-night snack." " Oh!" "Thank goodness." "Oh!" "Charlotte." "Come on, Charlotte." "Baby!" "Honey!" "We're gonna take good care of you." "I never in a million years could have fathomed it." "My eight-time award-winning dog accosted by mutts at the Langham?" "Ms. James, please." "We'll have Charlotte groomed to perfection at the spa." "She won't even remember this happened." "She might not, but I certainly will." "I assure you, those animals will be dealt with accordingly." "What do you think he means?" "Rosa, go to your room." "I will take care of this." " This isn't fair." " Now." "What?" "Boss, we got a bad situation here." "We need to get you..." "I'm with a very important guest at the moment." "Sir, the new gardens have been destroyed, and both kitchen freezers have broken." "We need you." "Come on, Charlotte." "We are going to pack and we're gonna go move into the montague in the morning." "Ms. James, please wait." "Gentlemen, I didn't quite get a chance to explain." "I think she likes me." "Uh..." "Why did you punch holes in the souffle with a fork?" "What culinary school did you go to?" "Give me the name, and I will have them shut down!" " Something is wrong, chef." " Yes, and we agree, then." "No, they were perfect when I pulled them out of the oven..." "These souffles are an insult to souffles everywhere!" "I mean, no, this is the worst." "You, my girl, your souffle has been punctured." "Give me your hat." "Allez." "Now." "Adieu, mademoiselle." "I presume you know why you're here." "Yeah." "I take it you've seen the gardens, sir." "I'm afraid I have." "What?" "Is it the succulents?" "'Cause I can take those out." "Sam, they've been destroyed and covered from bush to bush with paw prints." "What?" "I'm afraid you've left me no choice, Sam." "You're fired." "Does this mean I won't get to see the peanut butter closet?" "But I was just getting good at Kong ball croquet!" "I am not leaving this hotel without Carol." "My paws have never looked better." "This isn't fair." "We didn't do anything." "Hey, no paw-pointing." "Rosa." "Honey, what happened out there?" "It doesn't matter." "It's not like anyone would believe me, anyway." "Quince or no quince, I'll always just be the runt of the litter." "Mi Amor." "About our date." "Getting, you know..." "Hello?" "Interrupted." "Hello?" "Chloe winthrop ashe?" "Cortez, actually." "Have we met?" "I'm sorry." "I think i came to the wrong room, anyway." "I'm just looking for that family with the mischievous little pups." "Have you seen them?" "Come on in." "Rock-a-bye puppy in the treetop when the wind blows you mean those are your..." "My five vips, very important puppies." "Listen, soon as they fall asleep, come meet me at the restaurant." "But it's closed." "Being a vip has its privileges." "And, hey, bring the big one, too." "Kind of cute." "Although he might want to stick to his day job." "And that's how rosa saved my life." "Wow." "Our rosa, a hero." "I am so proud." "To rosa!" "To rosa!" " That girl's got no fear." " And I got no clue." "I can't believe I doubted her." "I was so pigheaded and close-minded and..." "Feel free to stop me when you disagree." "You're starting to win me over." "Go on." "Corazon, I just wanted to believe that rosa..." "That you all still needed me." "Papi, we always will." "That's one thing that will never change." "You're gonna make a grown dog cry!" "Well, sweet as that is, honey," "Amelia's taking us over to the montague first thing in the morning." "Then let's get to work." "We gotta fix those gardens, because that's where we're going to throw the greatest quinceanera ever!" "But, Papi, how?" "We're supposed to be out by tomorrow morning." "Let's just say this old dog knows a few new tricks." "Well, then, we'd better fuel up." "Whoa!" "Hey!" "Hey." "Officer, everything under control?" "Don't scare me like that." "Delgado, thanks for coming on such short notice." "I got your message." "Anything you need, Papi." "Sebastian, you came!" "As if I didn't have to battle huge bags under my eyes already." "All right, everybody." "Let's divide and conquer!" "It does exist!" "Hey, show your attitude make it understood you're the one who's changing everybody's point of view give it all you've got viva El carnaval this will be a moment you will cherish all your life you've come so far" "that's who you are with all my friends together we'll, we'll take this night all by surprise celebrating fiesta, party quinceanera, family all together we can be as one come celebrate with me" "I came, I saw, I decorated." "They actually pulled it off." "Boys, looks like we got ourselves a gig." "This party's gonna be great!" "I hope there's music." "Oy." "Phil." "Phil, Phil, Phil." "Yeah?" " Pedro, are you in position?" " Affirmative." "Are you sure you wanna go through with this, Papi?" "What they gonna do, kick us out?" "Shh." "They're coming." "Keep it quiet, Oscar." "There's no one there." "Now!" "Peanut butter?" "Hah!" "Is that the best you can do?" " Pedro?" " Peanut butter!" "Get your peanut butter!" "Freshly churned peanut butter over in the South garden!" "Peanut butter?" " I think it's that way!" "Is it free?" "It better be for what my room cost!" "Somebody, help me!" "Get off!" "Get off!" "What did I ever do to you?" "I was such a good trainer!" "I was the best trainer!" "I'm late for a grooming." "What on earth is going on..." "Get out of here!" "The garden gala starts in 20 minutes." "Thank you, Mr. Hollis." "You saved my life." "You're a kind man." "So I've been told." "Now, what's this?" "All our classified guest information." "Jenny, where were you taking this?" "Nowhere!" "I swear." "It was just..." "It was the chihuahua!" "What is going on?" "Pedro?" "Montague?" "Jenny!" "Jenny!" "Tell them." "Tell them how I just like to come back here and sniff the roses." "So this is how they manage to poach our clientele!" "I should've known you were up to something." "No one's that perky." "Hello?" "That's what I've been saying all along." "I've misjudged you, Papi." "You're a good man." "Thank you." "Thanks." "Yeah, you got your moments." "Papi, you were right all along." "I owe you an apology." "I'll settle for a kiss." "Will you please let me down?" "Mmm-mmm." "Psst... psst." "Rosita!" "What's going on?" "What's that?" "A little something your mother picked up for your quinceanera." "Quinceanera?" "But we're moving out." "How are we going to..." "It's just gonna be a small family affair." "There's a little something in the bag for your brothers and sisters, too." "Oh." "And if Papi, Jr. gives you any trouble about it, show him this." "No, it's okay." "I completely understand." "I love you." "Bye." "Well, aunt Viv rented the guest house." "But I guess, on the bright side, there are worse streets to sleep on than Beverly hills." "I'm sorry, Rache." "I wanted to start a life of our own." " Sam." " It's my fault." "I was the one that pushed for the move." "Sam, you gotta see this." "It's like an angel fell from heaven, and grew fur." "Places, everybody!" "The quince and her honor court are coming." "Everyone's going to make fun of me." "I think it looks very chic." "Yeah, if it were 1972!" "Don't worry." "Dad said it's just going to be a family thing." "Presenting our quince, rosa Cortez and her honor court!" "Cool!" "Isn't she pretty?" "Aren't they adorable?" " So cute." "I love the dress." "Oh, my God." "Rosa's all grown up now." "Oh!" "Look at Papi, Jr. in his suit." "Need a tissue, bro?" "Just a bug in my eye, that's all." "Move over." "Rosa, before we go any further," "I got one more little surprise." "Amigos!" "I may have mentioned to a few pups how you saved Charlotte." "Why is everyone wearing swimmies?" "The question is, why aren't you?" "I can't believe all of this is for me." "Rosa, you're not only the bravest dog I know, you are also the coolest pup in school." "So, go on, sweetheart." "Soak it up." "Ladies and gentlemen, time for the brindis, the traditional toast of the quinceanera..." "I'm sorry..." "Given by the father of the quince, senor Papi Cortez." "Friends, family, today we celebrate the quinceanera of rosa, who I am so proud to call my daughter." "Rosa has shown determination in the face of adversity and heroism in the face of danger." "She was given peanuts, and she made peanut butter." "And most importantly, she stopped listening to everyone who told her what she couldn't do and started listening inside to discover all that she could." "She even taught her old dad there's a time to hang on and a time to let go." "And she didn't need this party to become a true quinceanera." "She already was." "To rosa!" " To rosa!" "To rosa!" "This isn't the goldberg bar mitzvah." "This is like the coolest party i have ever been to." "Dad, is it too late for us to become quinces, too?" "Oh, pep, it is never too late." "Oh, my God." "It's beautiful." "But how?" "Sam, we never got to tango, did we?" "What?" "I... no, I guess we didn't." "I'm sorry, Rache." "Don't be." "Let's dance!" "I told you not to order the huevos rancheros!" "We're late for the gig!" "Excusez-moi, excusez-moi." "You are on my foot, buddy." "That was my toe." "My toe!" "Mademoiselle, mademoiselle, uh..." "Whatever." "Executive dishwasher chef." "Rachel." "It's a mob scene." "It's a mob scene." "This is the biggest gala in the Langham's history, and I need your..." "I need your..." "I need your help!" "Please!" "I'm gonna need that hat." "My toque?" "No, no." "Okay, okay, you can have my toque!" "And my job?" " Yes!" "Let's go!" "Come on!" "Let's go!" "Rachel, on y va, allez." "Chef didier coming through!" "Chef Rachel coming through!" "No, no, sous-chef." "Sous-chef Rachel." "I've got the hat." "Chef." "Mine is bigger than yours." "It's not like Charlotte to disappear." "Ms. James, don't worry." "I just saw her back here." "Must've been a pretty big reward, huh?" "Reward?" "For what?" "The little chihuahua." "The one that saved your dog." "Excuse me?" "Out in the pool." "Didn't you hear?" "Take my bags back up to the penthouse." "But who will take care of the dogs when I'm gone?" "Officer sims?" "They're the ones who will suffer." "Is that what you want, to punish innocent little doggies?" "I've never seen that woman before in my life." "Tell it to the judge." "Okay." "Watch your tail!" "I can't go to jail!" "I've never even been crated!" "I can't take enclosed spaces!" "Come on!" "Throw me a bone here." "I'm innocent!" "Come on, man!" "If the collar don't fit, you must acquit." "You want an alibi?" "I can give you an alibi." "I got as many as you want." "I can't eat prison food, man!" "I got a gluten-free kosher diet!" "Mr. Cortez." "Well, I don't know how you did it, but these gardens are nothing short of exquisite." "I hope you'll accept my apologies, along with a permanent contract with the hotel." "Are you..." "Sure, go ahead." "Just the once." "All right." "Don't touch me anymore." " That's fine." " Okay." "This one is for rosa." "Thank you all so much for coming to our fiesta today, especially those of you who schlepped all the way from the 90210." "I promised myself I wasn't gonna cry." "That wraps up the quinceanera of mi hija rosa." "Dad, aren't you forgetting something?" "Forgetting something?" "Rosita, I got the band." "I took salsa lessons." "We decorated the garden." "What did I possibly forget?" "This." "That's sweet." "That is sweet." "I think I'd like to have some puppies soon." "Hmm?" "That's not all you forgot." "Now that Sam got his job back and we can stay, and now that Oscar's gone, they need a new teacher at school." "You didn't ask who's been chosen to replace him." "You mean..." "Congratulations, Professor." "Awesome!" " I'm sitting in front!" "Now we can get our paws wet!" "I want to learn to salsa and chips." "You're gonna be the best teacher ever!" "Papi likes." " Goodbye, polo, hello, pollo." "Now we can master pee-mail!" "And so the Cortez family lived happily ever after." "At least until Pedro got a vip tag and locked himself in the peanut butter closet." "But that's another story." "You really stepped up to the bowl today, Papi." "Sebastian!" "Don't let 'em pack up that Margarita machine!" "Papi, you're a good dad, a good friend, and a good dog." "They don't appreciate classic dog band music here." "You know." "That's what I'm saying." "Like, I'm talking about pee-52s, the Rex pistols." "Reo taii-waggin'." "Yeah, yeah, good band, good band." " New odor." " Yeah." " Right?" "Iggy pup." " Right." "He's a little violent on stage." "The fur flew, but that was, you know, part of the magic." "Collie Parton is one of my personal favorites." "I'm not into the country so much myself, but yeah, I respect her." "No, you don't know what you're missing there, and..." "She's got a lot of fur." "Big, big fur, like blown out every night before she goes on." "Coldspay." "They got a little into the treats in the later years, yeah?" "Yeah, that's true." "They were up to like 30-40 treats a day, actually." "It ruined them." "You know, cheap tick." " Earth, wind and fur." " Rage against the vacuum cleaner." "Great band." "Did you see that?" " Nice tail." " Fancy a bit of that." "Well, hey there." "Well, who do you belong to?" "No one?" "Yeah, well, I know the feeling." "There, there, boy." "Front desk?" "Hollis." "Yes, sir." "I have a dog here who's gonna be needing a new hotel tag." " What room, sir?" " Which room?" "Manager's suite." "Yes, sir." "You are a handsome devil, aren't you?" "Every pet deserves a loving and permanent home." "So when you choose to adopt, please adopt responsibly." "Gracias, and thank you." "You'll be humming this tomorrow, guaranteed."