"And then I dreamed I was in a huge theater where one of my motion pictures was being shown," "but the theater was absolutely empty." "Not a full seat anywhere." "On one wall was a gigantic mirror, and when I looked into it, I didn't see my own face." "I saw my wife's." "I suppose I'd accidentally wandered into her dream." "That's not unusual." "Do you and your wife sleep in a double bed or in twin beds?" "Both." "She has a twin." "I sleep in the double bed." "Of course." "And then I dreamed..." "Oh, good evening." "As you see, this week I'm very much pressed for time." "However, I shall be glad to squeeze you in for our customary session." "Tonight's story is about a man whose driving ambition was to become a widower." "It is called "The Three Dreams of Mr. Findlater. "" "And must you play that everlasting game of Patience every night?" "I would think a bank manager could find something more useful to do with his time." "Sometimes I wonder what's got into you." "A man of your age." "And getting bald, too." "I saw you last night at Mrs. Bryce's, making a complete fool of yourself." "Talking to that young girl as if she were a contemporary." "I'll never be able to hold up my head in Exminster again." "And you, old enough to be her father." "Don't like to hear me say that." "You still think you're something, don't you?" "But I was the only one silly enough to have picked you." "What a mistake that was." "You're always off on some storybook world." "All this trash that you read." "Ernest, are you listening to me?" "Where are you going?" "Ernest." "Don't you dare leave the room while I'm speaking to you." "Ernest!" "Ernest!" "Oh!" "I'll take that, madam, if you've finished with it." "Lalage." "Lalage?" "Yes, Ernest." "I'm here." "I'm waiting for you." "Lalage." "Come, darling." "Come!" "I'm so sorry to be late, my dear, but I..." "I had a little more trouble than usual." "I thought I'd never get away from her." "Poor, sweet darling." "You must be so tired after that long, hard day at the bank." "Poor, sweet baby." "Yes, my dear." "I do have rather a load on my shoulders, but having someone as understanding as you is a great help." "Oh, it's so quiet, so peaceful." "Come here, darling." "Not that way." "It always takes you a little while to relax." "I think you have lovely hair." "Do you really?" "Don't think it's getting a bit thin on top?" "No!" "It makes you look distinguished and important-looking." "I wouldn't have it any other way." "I say, do you think it would be proper to go that far?" "Oh, don't be silly, darling." "You know there's no one else in our world but you and me." "Well, all right." "Sometimes our world seems so real," "I feel that Minnie is going to come skulking out from behind the nearest palm tree." "Be just like her." "Poor Ernest." "Sometimes, I wish Minnie weren't in your life at all." "As a matter of fact, sometimes I feel the same way myself." "Why did you marry her?" "I didn't." "She married me." "Heaven knows, I've tried." "I've done the best I could." "But somehow Minnie always puts me in the wrong." "I think it's the only thing that makes her happy." "What a pity." "Just think what your life might have been if it weren't for Minnie." "Is it too late, darling?" "I..." "I have a confession to make, Lalage." "I love confessions." "What is it?" "You're not my only dream." "I have two." "And you aren't even in this other one." "It always happens the same way." "I come home from the club and see a car parked in front of the house." "I go to the front door and Bridget, the maid, meets me, tears streaming down her face." ""Oh, sir!" she wails." ""It's the mistress." "The poor mistress!"" "Then I hear firm steps overhead and I see Dr. Manley's legs coming down the stairs." "Then he's standing in the hall beside me." "He places his hand on my shoulder and says," ""You must be brave, Findlater." ""Death, the Grim Reaper, he comes to one and all." ""It's your wife." "A stroke." ""It was all over in a moment." ""I could do nothing. "" "Oh, the bliss of it." "A heart attack?" "Or a stroke." "I think it's a lovely dream." "But I don't see why I can't be in that one, too." "Now, now, my dear, don't be greedy." "You have quite enough of my time as it is." "Ernest Findlater, who were you talking to?" "No one." "No one at all." "Well, that's all I need." "Have you stalking round the house talking to yourself." "That's because you weren't concentrating, darling." "You had your mind on other things, didn't you?" "What other things?" "Minnie." "And how you wish she were dead." "I don't know what you're talking about, Lalage." "And anyhow, what are you doing here in the middle of the day and dressed like that?" "I don't know." "I only come along when you want me." "You know that other dream of yours?" "About Minnie having an attack?" "It won't ever happen." "Minnie's too stubborn to die on her own." "She is just that stubborn, and imperishable." "I say, look at that car in the middle of the lane." "I wonder what happened." "Look." "Look what's lying on the seat." "I wonder what it was used for." "Probably something very nefarious or it wouldn't be left abandoned this way." "Oh, darling, you are so clever." "Not so very." "This is the way it always happens in mystery stories." "What are you going to do with it?" "I don't know." "I'm not sure yet." "But something inside me keeps saying," ""Don't hesitate, take it and go. "" "Besides, I've always wanted to have a gun." "Why?" "It seems so adventuresome." "Lalage?" "Yes?" "I'm beginning to have another dream, a third one." "About Minnie?" "About Minnie." "Are you going to tell me about it?" "No, not yet." "Not until it's clear in my mind." "Oh, good afternoon, Mr. Ambrewster." "Mr. Sydney." "Good afternoon, Mr. Findlater." "Nice day, isn't it, sir?" "Good afternoon, Rogers." "Yes, it's a lovely day." "Well, I'm going to wash and have some lunch." "See you on my way out." "You can't miss seeing me, sir." "I catch all you gentlemen, coming and going." "Right to the minute." "Lalage!" "This is going a bit far." "What on earth are you doing here?" "Why do you keep saying that every time I appear?" "You know I only come when you want me." "Oh, yes, I forgot." "But here in the..." "Well, I..." "I suppose it's all right." "Have you thought any more about the murder?" "Lalage, really!" "I had no idea you were so bloodthirsty." "Sometimes I wonder if I know you at all." "It wouldn't surprise me if you had a whole life outside my dreams." "How could I?" "I think it's yourself you don't know." "After all, I'm only a part of you." "Yes." "That's true." "I..." "I don't know what's happened to me lately." "Ever since I started having that new dream of doing away with Minnie," "I haven't been myself." "Ah, well, a good lunch should put me right." "Dover sole, perhaps." "Dash it." "It's stuck." "Hello?" "Will someone let me out please?" "Hello?" "I say, this is embarrassing." "I wonder if there's another way out." "Why don't you try shouting out of the window?" "Hello?" "Help!" "Help!" "It's no use." "You see, this is the only window." "Nobody can hear me." "And it's at least a 30-foot drop to the ground." "If you just had a rope." "I'd look pretty silly at my age climbing down a rope." "Darling?" "Hmm?" "This is the only window." "That's a blank wall." "No one can see you." "It might be useful in the future." "Useful in the fu..." "Yes, so it might." "I have the necessary weapon, a gun that can't be traced to me." "And I would have a logical alibi." "With the aid of a rope I could leave the club, return, and with the hall porter's word to back me up, never seem to have left the club at all." "What a perfect plan." "Yes, it's not quite perfect yet, my dear." "It's a question of motive." "You see, all detectives know that husbands only murder their wives for money or another woman." "Obviously, there's no other woman..." "Ernest!" "Well, don't be touchy, my dear." "And as for money, well, Minnie has a nest egg tucked away." "I must make sure she doesn't leave it to me." "Not that it's likely, but I must make sure." "Oh, darling, you are so clever." "It could be the perfect crime." "Of course, my dear, it's only academic." "Just a theory." "Besides, a venture like this would take time." "But if one were to take time, lots and lots of time," "one could accomplish anything." "Anything." "Aren't you feeling well, Minnie?" "I feel very well, thank you." "Why?" "Oh, you're very quiet this evening." "Since when have you been so concerned about me?" "Oh, I've been thinking about you a great deal lately." "It's entirely your own business, but have you made a will?" "A will?" "What put that in your head suddenly?" "Oh, it's not sudden." "I've been meaning to mention it for some weeks." "It's the sort of thing one has to think about eventually, you know." "I don't know what I would need with a will." "I haven't very much money to leave." "Well, there are your personal possessions." "And I seem to remember you buying a number of savings certificates during the war." "What's the use of a woman making a will?" "It all goes to her husband, anyhow." "It only goes to her husband if she doesn't make a will." "And have you any suggestions, who I should leave my diamond tiaras and my mink coats to?" "Me." "But I should do nothing of the sort." "What would you want with my things?" "I would like to know." "One could always sell them." "You know the brooch your Uncle Herbert gave you?" "I could get quite a nice price for that." "Se..." "Sell them?" "So that's what been in your mind." "Well, let me tell you," "I shall have a will drawn up immediately, just to make sure that nothing that I have does get into your hands." "Ah, the ace at last." "Oh, darling, you did that so cleverly." "Minnie will never suspect what your motive was." "Thank you, my dear." "I thought it went quite smoothly, myself." "Now, we must plan our future steps with the same precision." "All right." "I'll make notes." "No, no, no." "Better not." "No, we don't want anything in writing." "It wouldn't be safe." "Now, we've agreed that it's to be done on a Wednesday because that's the girl's afternoon off." "Then it would be a good idea for you to start being at the club on Wednesday afternoons." "Very good, my dear." "I shall start writing my history of Exminster on those days." "Minnie won't like it, of course." "She always wants me home then to make tea." "Well, since everything we're planning is for Minnie, in a way, she'll just have to put up with it." "And you'd better start taking a bag with you to the club on Wednesday afternoons." "Why, my dear?" "Well, you have to get a rope into the club so you can practice getting in and out of the window." "What else?" "What else?" "Well, you don't want the neighbors to recognize you when you go into the house." "A disguise, of course." "A disguise?" "Do you know, Lalage, I've always wanted to wear a disguise." "I wonder..." "I wonder what I should go as." "I mean, who I should be." "Someone rather dashing, I think." "Well, I should think something a little less conspicuous would be better, darling." "Would you?" "Oh, well, I suppose you're right." "You know, Lalage, I never knew that planning a murder could be so much fun." "No, I don't think that one does it." "Uh-uh." "Cheek pads." "Oh, yes, yes." "Voila!" "Oh!" "Spirit gum will fix that." "Oh, hello, Mr. Findlater." "Right to the minute I see." "You haven't missed a Wednesday afternoon for the past six months." "If I had, you'd be the first to know, eh?" "Oh, yes, sir." "Nobody gets by me." "How's it going, sir?" "Oh, the history?" "Oh, splendidly." "I shall have my first draft finished in a week or so." "Excuse me, sir." "That will be the results of the third race at Sandown Park." "It generally comes in about this time." "I'll see you on my way out, Rogers." "Right you are, sir." "Something troubling you, darling?" "Lalage!" "The washroom was bad enough, but here..." "Well, I'll go if you want me to." "No, it's all right." "Something..." "Something is bothering me, as a matter of fact." "Yes, I know." "The rope." "Can you climb a rope?" "Well, I don't know." "But I should think any able-bodied man would have the strength to climb down a rope." "Yes, but you have to have the strength to climb back up a rope." "You have to get back into the club." "Remember?" "Yes." "I know." "I should never have given up my membership in the YMCA." "Forty-two, forty-three." "That's very good." "Another two weeks, you'll really be ready." "Huh?" "Forty-four, forty-five..." "I did it." "I think I did it." "Yes, you did. 82 seconds down and up!" "That's wonderful, darling." "Darling, tomorrow's Wednesday." "Couldn't it be the day?" "Yes, I suppose it could, but..." "Don't we need at least one dress rehearsal?" "Why?" "What's the matter?" "Well, nothing." "I..." "But don't you think maybe we ought to wait until next week?" "Oh, darling." "You're not going to get cold feet, are you?" "After all the work we did?" "Now, Lalage, don't you start pushing me." "I suddenly feel that I'd like to try to..." "To reach Minnie." "Murder is rather final, you know." "Oh, you are such a good man." "But it won't work, darling." "It just won't work." "So, I said to Mrs. Bryce, if she had any gumption, she'd get rid of the girl." "You can't trust anybody these days." "I always say that if you..." "Minnie?" "Hmm?" "Minnie, I have a holiday coming up, you know." "Oh." "How would you like to take a trip?" "We could go to France, Italy..." "France?" "Italy?" "All those foreigners?" "What's the matter with Brighton?" "Brighton's always been good enough." "Besides, when have you ever consulted me as to where we should go?" "What have you been up to?" "It must be something or you wouldn't have such a guilty feeling." "I haven't been up to anything." "I just thought it might be nice for us to spend some time alone together." "We could try and have fun again." "Alone with you?" "Fun?" "Oh, you must be out of your senses." "Yes." "Yes, perhaps I am." "I'm sorry, Minnie." "I've tried." "I really have." "I'm sorry." "I was right, wasn't I, darling?" "Yes, Lalage." "You were right." "You're always right." "It's the only way to deal with Minnie." "Oh, excuse me, sir." "It's my mistress." "My poor mistress." "She..." "The Grim Reaper, he comes to one and all." "It was Mrs. Findlater." "A stroke." "It happened just as the maid was leaving for her afternoon off." "She telephoned me." "I got here as quickly as possible, of course, but it was all over in a moment." "I could do nothing." "I will take care of the arrangements." "And Findlater, take off that silly moustache." "This is no time to be playing jokes."