"That will make you think." "Based on the novel 'Night train to Lisbon'" "Bern, Switzerland" "Stay there!" "Thank you." "May I walk with you?" "Right." "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen." "Good morning,sir!" "We have a visitor... this morning." "Eh, your coat..." "Perhaps... there" "I'm afraid there has been a slight mishap on the way here..." "I think the corrections will soon be legible." "Max, would you do the honors?" "More work required there..." "'And no opportunity to honor and respect yourself.'" "But Marcus Aurelius was both a philosopher and an emperor." "Which is no coincidence, that was the way with the Romans." "Thought and action were all one." "I think we were in chapter 12, page 42" "Er..." "Natalie, perhaps you begin?" "'How can it be that the gods... overlooked this along at some amongst men  and those very good men, ... who have had the most... intercourse with the divine.'" "please, keep on going." "'If it is so that we only live a small part of the life that is within us," "What happens to the rest?" "'" "Hello, Dr. Gregorious." "I'm afraid, your book on Persian grammar book hasn't yet arrived." "No, that's not why I came..." "Do you know that book?" "Indeed, I sold it to someone yesterday." "A woman?" "Yes, she came in, asked for the Portuguese section found this book, sat there, read it for an hour or so, then became rather upset paid for the book and left." "How did you come by it?" "I found it." "Beautiful title..." "'A Goldsmith of Words.'" "Train tickets..." "Where to?" " Lisbon, eventually." "Leaving in 15 minutes." "Thank you." "She was wearing that coat!" "Attention please," "Line 10, pier 8 is now leaving" "What's all this noise?" "Where is mr." "Gregorious?" "He left, Mr. Kagi." "He left?" "There was a woman with him here..." "Impossible." "'We live here and now,'" "'Everything before and in other places is past ' 'and mostly forgotten.'" "This is Mr. Kagi, where are you?" "On a train..." "A train?" "Where to?" "Lisbon." "Would you take care of my books?" "I left them on my desk." "'What could - what should be done,' 'with all the time that lies ahead of us?" "'" "'Open and unshaped,' 'featherlight in its freedom' 'and lead-heavy in its uncertainty?" "'" "'Is it a wish' 'dreamlike and nostalgic,' 'to stand once again at that point in life,' 'and be able to take a completely different direction' 'to the one which has made us who we are?" "'" "Do you have a room?" "Where is your luggage?" "I don't have any." "I will trust you and give you a room." "with a view of the sea." "There... the sea." "Anything else, sir?" "Yes" "I want to find the address of the man who wrote this." "Thank you." "Anything else?" "No, thank you." "Good morning, I am looking for Amadeu de Prado." "A moment." "I believe you are looking for my brother?" "Yes, is the doctor in?" "Are you ill?" "No, I'm..." "I'm reading this book." "I very much like to meet him." "What he writes touches me very deeply." "You should come inside." "You may sit." "Some tea?" "Red Assam is Amadeu's preference." "Tea, Clotilde." "This is Amadeu's favorite room." "It is beautiful though." "He has read every one of those books." "Does he still practice as a doctor?" "Where did you get it?" "I came across it in Bern; that's where I live." "Only one hundred were ever printed." "I have six copies left." "Often wondered where the other ninety-four went..." "Bern is in Switzerland, is it not?" "Then the book has travelled." "That is a good thing." "Has he written anything else?" "Nothing that has been published." "He wanted to be a writer, a philosopher..." "Then he decided to become a doctor;" "he didn't believe people should be in pain." "Is that him?" "That is our father" "He was a famous judge." "Yes, so I gathered from the book." "He and Amadeu had a rather complicated relationship." "'Considered from the standpoint of eternity, that rather loses its significance...'" "Yes..." "He often said that to Amadeu." "Amadeu doesn't believe in eternity." "Unfortunately not." "I don't mean to pry, but ... may I ask how your father died?" "No, no; you may not." "If you want to see Amadeu you will find him in the Prazeres Cemetery." "'We leave something of ourselves behind' 'only leave a place,'" "'we stay there even though we go away.'" "'And there are things in us' 'that we can find again only by going back there.'" "'We travel to ourselves when we go to a place' 'though we have covered a stretch of our life,'" "'no matter how brief it may have been.'" "'But by travelling to ourselves we must confront our own loneliness.'" "'And isn't it so everything we do' 'is done out of fear of loneliness?" "'" "'Isn't that why we renounce'" "'All the things we will regret at the end of our lives?" "'" "Excuse me, I am looking for Amadeu de Almeida Prado." "' When dictatorship is a fact, revolution is a duty.'" "Bloody idiot!" "'Is it ultimately a question of self-image' ' that determining idea one has made for oneselve of' 'of what has to be accomplished and experienced' 'so that one can approve the life one has lived?" "'" "' If this is the case,' 'the fear of death might be described' ' as the fear of not been able to become whom one planned to be.'" "'If the certainty befalls us' 'that it will never be achieved... this homeness,' 'you suddenly don't know how to live the time,' 'that can no longer be part of a whole life.'" "Better?" "Or worse?" "Better." "You feel as if you wrote the book yourself." "I would have liked it have done." "He talks about everything that has preoccupied me for years." "Better?" "Or worse?" "Worse." "Tell me one of these beautiful sentences you read." "'The real director of life is accident,' 'a director full of cruelty' 'compassion and bewitching charm.'" "By accident he means fate?" "No, I think he means chance, randomness chance." "Let's take a break; rest your eyes for a moment." "You're a man who doesn't sleep well..." "You can tell?" "The eyes reveal everything." "Look at these eyes." "Tell me what they reveal." "They melancholic, but hopeful tired, but persistent... contradictory." "Why would his sister pretend that he is still alive?" "I have no idea..." "Shall we resume?" "So you met a woman in a red coat who disappeared, and you just dropped everything?" "And then I read the book." "I would love to be able to do that: drop everything..." "You do that often?" "No, I haven't done anything like that before." "Better?" "Or worse?" "Er... better." "How does that feel?" "You talk about seeing as feeling..." "Well, isn't it?" "Suppose it is..." "How clear is it, the image?" "Very clear." "And how about this?" "Everything is in focus." "Sir, we have this new one..." "'The decisive moments of life,' 'when its direction changes forever,' 'are not always marked by large and shown dramatics.'" "'In truth, the dramatic moments of a life determining experience,' 'are often unbelieveable low key.'" "'When it unfolds its revolutionary effects' ' and insures that a life is revealed in a brand new light,' 'it does that silently.'" "'And is this wonderful silence resides its special nobility.'" "Now you wonder if your pair were better..." "Yes..." "But they're not, are they?" "No..., they feel very light." "Getting used to them will take some time." "Do you take Credit Cards?" "Can can sort all that out with my receptionist." "Before you go..." "I have an uncle." "He lives in a nursing home across the barrio." "I called him last night and told him about you and the book;" "He knew Amadeu de Prado well." "I told him you want to know about Amadeu and he said he talk to you." "He was in the Resistance." "I must warn you, my uncle can be difficult." "In what way?" "The generation that lived under the dictator Salazar is still battling to come to terms with what happened." "When the resistance began the Secret Police were extremely brutal;" "to this day people don't like talking about it, the perpetrators as well as their victims." "Uncle João, how are you?" "What are you doing here?" "This is the man I was telling you about, Raimund Gregorious, I brought him." "I said he talked to him, not you" "You can wait in reception." "We get to the launch." "So, you are interested in de Amadeu Prado?" "Mariana tells me you have a book he wrote?" "Want you like to see it?" "I can imigine what it is like, the godless priest." "It's a good description..." "He was the only visit they allowed me in prison." "Every week he visit, with books, medicines and cigarettes... which, of course, they take away the moment he leave." "Yeah, he had privileges..." "What sort of privileges?" "The kind you do not want in life." "Do you have cigarette?" "No sorry, I don't smoke." "Pity!" "Mariana tells me that you and Amadeu were in the Resistance." "And Jorge, his best friend." "Yes, he writes a lot about Jorge." "They were joined, in the heart and the soul." "For a time..." "But Amadeu... he was too soft for the Resistance." "He only joined because he felt guilty." "Mariana tells me that you are from Switzerland?" "Yes, Bern." "There was never a revolution in Switzerland, was there?" "No, somehow they always managed to avoid such things..." "They wouldn't know what is life to live without trusting never to trust your friends or family." "I met his sister..." "Adriana?" "she acts as if he's still alive." "But she wears black, as if in mourning." "You can only fill my cup halfway." "No one has ever done that for me before." "A gift from PIDE, the Portuguese Secret Police." "Rui Luís Mendez, was his name." "in the springtime..." "I'm home!" "Who are you?" "Where is my wife?" "She kindly took her children for a walk." "This woman that knows all the names... where do I find her?" "I do not know..." "I do not know who you are talking about." "Your wife tells me you are an excellent pianist." "Will you play for me... and my friends?" "Please?" "!" "Can I see your hands?" "Please?" "What should I play?" "Play as you favour it." "They say she has a photographic memory." "Is that true?" "I'll ask you once more:" "where is she?" "What make it all the more terrible was that some months earlier," "Amadeu... he saved Mendes' life." "Dinnertime... they serve us early here, like in prison." "Not for the inmates, you understand, but for the staff." "I'm glad he's finally been able to tell someone about it." "I just wished it had been me." "It is sometimes easier to speak with strangers." "With my family it is a bit different." "Pain is something we pretend happens to other people." "When Uncle João disappeared, our parents told us he'd gone to Brazil to work." "Then, after the Revolution, when he was released they told us he had an accident with his hands." "He is very fond of you." "He is?" "Said you're the only one from the family that ever visits." "He is always so grumpy, I don't blame the others." "What else did he say?" "He said he wished you were married." "I hate him!" "Then, when you visited, there be children." "He actually said that?" "That he is fond of me?" "Do you have children?" "I have my students..." "But the faces change every year, so I try not to get too fond of them." "I think you are going to stay another day?" "!" "Yes, I might have to." "Nice glasses." "Father Bartholomeo?" "João Eça told me that you buried Amadeu de Prado." "I would prefer to be remembered as the man who taught Amadeu not the one who buried him." "Amadeu was twelve years old when he first came to this school." "He came with no bags, no books" "He had read them all, you see." "Everything was in his head." "What does he say about this school in his book?" "'For 1922 days'" "'I attended Balissio where my Father sent me,' 'the strictest school in the whole country.'" "'By the third day I realized that I had to count the days' 'so as not to be crushed by them.'" "He... hated it that much?" "Were George and Amadeu in the same class?" "Er no, not at first," "But Amadeu skipped two grades;" "he was that bright, you see, and for two years they were in the same class." "Or I should say: they were in a class of their own." "Amadeu, the aristocrat, and George, the working class boy." "They had a very naughty curiosity, those two..." "They would lie to their mothers, that they were going to spend the night in a friends house, and instead they came here." "How did you find them, George?" "I was sleeping here, then I found that the floor was loose." "Jean-Paul Sartre..." "Karl Marx..." "Henry Miller..." "My god, if they found these books..." "We will end up in Tarrafal, along with all the other political prisoners." "But your father would never allowed that, would he, Amadeu?" "He would get prime minister Salazar to personally intervene and have the case thrown out of court." "You think it's a joke that my father is a judge..." "I think it's a joke that the son of a greengrocer is friends with the son of a judge." "That is funny." "You have to admit!" "Amadeu would have been unhappy wherever he was." "He never played games with the other boys, he never let himself go..." "Except one time." "Nobody forgot that time." "Make room there, boys." "Make room." "My father is here." "Of course he is here." "What did you expect?" "You should read thou this, wrote most of..." "You should read this George, you wrote most of it anyway." "They are your words, I only helped to choose them." "Amadeu, what is our religion?" "Loyalty." "What are our values?" "Truth above all us." "Exactly, just keep your eyes on me and you'll be fine." "As is traditional we end our ceremony with a grade 12 graduation speech" "In this year, that honor will be bestowed to" "Amadeu de Almeida Prado." "I would not like to live in a world without cathedrals." "I need their beauty and grandeur against the dirty color of military uniforms." "I love the powerful words of the Bible." "I need the force of its poetry." "I need it against the decay of language and the dictatorship of worthless slogans." "But there is another world I do not wish to live in, a world in which independent thinking is despised and the finest things we can experience denounced as sin." "A world in which our love" "Is demanded by tyrants, oppressors and assassins." "And most absurdly: people are exhorted from the pulpit to forgive these creatures and even to love them." "It is for this reason we cannot just put the bible aside." "We have to throw it away completely:" "there it speaks only of a void, hollower than our god." "In his omnipresence the Lord observes us day and night." "He takes note of our acts and thoughts" "But what is a man without secrets?" "Without thoughts and wishes that he and he alone knows?" "Does the Lord our God not consider he's stealing our soul with His unbridled curiosity?" "A soul that should be immortal?" "But who would in all seriouness want to be immortal?" "How boring to know that what happens today, this month, this year, does not matter?" "Nothing would count." "No one here knows what it would be like to live eternally." "And it is a blessing we never will." "One thing I can assure you:" "It would be hell, this endless paradise of immortality." "It is death, and only death," "That gives each moment beauty and horror." "Only through death is time a living thing." "Why does the Lord does not know this?" "why does He threaten us with an endlessness that can only be unbearably desolate?" "I don't want to live in a world without cathedrals..." "I need the lustre of their windows, their cool stillness, their imperious silence." "I need the holiness of words, the grandeur of the great poetry." "But just as much I need the freedom to rebel against everything that is cruel in this world." "For the one is nothing without the other." "And no one forcing me to choose." "What did you think?" "I thought you would deliver a speech in Latin." "Then only a very few would have understood it." "Are you friends with that boy?" "We are the best of friends." "All of those faces, and more came to his funeral." "He died on the day of the Revolution and so they brought all red carnations." "I dared not speak any words about God as what Amadeu called: 'His empty promises.'" "But I did allow myself one religious word." "Amen." "I was very proud of him..." "So why did you never tell him, papa?" "To this day I never found out what secret bound those two together, and what it had to do with Amadeu." "My brother is not here." "I know." "Go away." "I know what happened, had an aneurysm." "I know what happened, he had an aneurysm." "It's in the book." "How do you live with that: knowing that at any time a bloodvessel could burst, flooding your brain with blood?" "I only found out after, once I discovered his writings." "He never told anyone." "Not even me." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." "No, wait." "Let me show you where we worked." "People came day and night to see him." "To be healed." "No one should be in pain, he always used to say." "The door was always open." "I met João Eça." "He mentioned me that Amadeu was in the Resistance." "Resistance..." "And that he saved Mendes' life." "It was late in the evening." "There were terrible shouts, across the square." "Murderer!" "The Police!" "We need help!" "Get the doctor." "In there." "Amadeu, you need to come." "Now!" "Is this...?" "Out." "Out!" "Adrenaline." "He is a traitor." "Traitor!" "You're a traitor!" "I'm a doctor." "You hear me?" "A doctor!" "You are a traitor!" "sat him down in this fluid chair and washed his face," "His beautiful face." "After that, people stopped coming; even Jorge." "That really hurt him." "Do you know of Jorge?" "I know they were great friends." "Why is the world so cruel?" "I often ask myself that." "It is if it doesn't care." "God doesn't carer." "Amadeu was right about that." "I would like to be alone now." "May I call on you again?" "Why?" "His life, his world, was... extraordinary." "Makes mine seem so insignificant." "Do you have cigarettes?" "Which brand?" "You brought them?" "No, no wait, every one here is a spy, worse than the damned fascists." "We go outside." "You didn't telephone me just to get cigarettes?" "I called because talking to you made me sleep better last night." "Amadeu, he never smoked, he was the only one who didn't." "Jorge, he smoked like a chimney." "Jorge..., is he still alive?" "I do not know." "I never talked to him after what happened with Stephania." "Who is Stephania?" "A woman who remembers everything." "That's why they picked me up." "To get to her." "Lieutenant Nicholas Ribeiro." "Benfica, Decemberstreet 28." "Phone, 8572463." "7th Army Division." "Captain Charles Fish." "Sintra, 47 street..." "It is Amadeu Prado." "Jorge, are you in there?" "Let him in." "Why have you been avoiding me?" "Every one else I can understand, but you?" "I am not avoiding you." "You're lying, Jorge." "And we do not lie to each other!" "I want to join the Resistance." "Because of guilt?" "As a doctor, I had no choice." "As a doctor you should have had injected poison into the heart, not adrenaline." "Sit, Amadeu." "Aren't you going to introduce me your friends?" "This is João." "And this is Stephania." "I was going to introduce you sooner, but..." "But the Resistance keeps us busy." "Isn't she beautiful?" "What if your first asset was to kill your father?" "Why?" "Because he is a judge." "Part of the fascist regime." "Don't be upset, Amadeu..., I was just testing you." "You knew it strangely why, -even Jorge could see it- that Stefania was completely drawn to him." "And the names and addresses?" "Members of the armed forces sympathetic to our cause." "She had them stockpiled in her head more than two hundred names, waiting for the day we call them to ride up against the fascists." "Can I have my key, please?" "Is mrs." "Prado at home?" "She askes for you to wait, if I could." "Why you bring back the past?" "I want to know how it felt to be Amadeu." "Did you know him?" "Amadeu, you must eat." "You need to be strong for your final exams." "Stand up." "Sit down." "Mama, come help me." "I have to do this, otherwise you will die." "Take your hands away." "Adriana, trust me." "Clotilde!" "Call an ambulance." "The ambulance and the doctor came." "and Adriana was rushed to the hospital." "You can leave us now, Clotilde." "The doctor said I did the right thing." "Why do you say nothing?" "Why do you judge me so?" "The intervention is called tracheotomy." "If I had not done you've would have carried her out in a coffin." "I too shall have a cup of tea, Clotilde." "So, now you know..." "From then on I was indebted to him." "Just as Joaqui Mendes. was indebted to him" "The police knew very well that the clinic was used as a cover for the resistance, but they never came and searched." "People would drop off envelopes with money names, addresses, maps..." "And then she would come." "Next." "Why have you not called me?" "I left messages." "I have something for João." "I have to talk to you, I cannot go on with Jorge." "Leave us." "Adriana, leave us." "Then one night, it all ended." "How?" "Something had happened..." "I don't know what, but it was the last time I ever saw her." "There are patients waiting for you." "Send them away." "You do not send patients away!" "Do it now!" "And if someone comes to the door do not answer it." "Switch off the lights, we're not here." "João Eça is at the door." "I'll be back." "Come, come in." "Where is she?" "Stefania?" "I don't know, she went one way or went another." "Jorge came to me; the problem is Stephania." "What do you mean?" "He wants... wants to eliminate her." "What?" "He says if they get to her, they all get the names." "It will be the end of it." "Jorge wants to kill Stephania?" "If she or Jorge comes here, call me." "You understand?" "I understand." "What a mess..." "What are you going to do?" "Pack a bag and some food;" "I am taking the car." "To where?" "Away from here." "With her?" "Of course with her." "No, please, no Amadeu!" "I beg you, don't do this thing!" "Tell them she's here, don't go away with her, I beg you!" "Please don't go!" "Do as I say." "Don't do this thing, it is wrong!" "Something terrible will happen, I know it will!" "He stepped over me." "I will never forget that." "He stepped me over, like I was... nothing." "Could I have a coffee, please?" "Mr. Kagi, It's me." "I'm sorry I missed your call yesterday." "Don't tell you're still in Lisbon?" "Yes, I am." "Where are you staying?" "In Hotel Silva." "You wouldn't have heard of it." "Is it raining in Bern?" "I can't keep teaching your class;" "you'll have to come back." "If you don't come back I'm going to have to find a replacement for you." "You want me to do that?" "Perhaps..." "I need a yes or no, Raimund." "Mr. Kagi, I have to go." "I'm sorry." "Why are you following me?" "Where does this come from?" "His sister, Adriana, came across his notes" "And she put them together in a book;" "I came across that in Bern, Switzerland." "I want to know what happened to Stephania." "Why?" "Amadeu is dead." "Adriana doesn't know;" "you're the only one who does." "Get the hell out of here!" "Get out!" "Why has my uncle started smoking again?" "The doctor from the nursing home called me a stranger had visited him and brought him some cigarettes." "Well, he asked me for some..." "Are you trying to kill him?" "He already has emphysema!" "Yeah, but he enjoys smoking;" "why deny him that pleasure?" "Because it's bad for him." "So is living in that nursing home." "It reminds him of being in prison." "How are your new glasses?" "I'm getting used to them..." "Would you have dinner with me?" "I thought you never ask..." "If Jesus had been put to death with a guillotine we all be praying for a big, shiny blade." "Or if he'd been electrocuted we've bent effectually in front of a chair." "But can you really do that nobody is like to be another person, without being the other person?" "Well, you can imagine what it is like to be that other person." "'Imagination is our last sanctuary,' that's one of his lines." "Where he also said: 'Intimacy is our last sanctuary.'" "You remember the lines from bottom?" "That's because they mean something to me." "Poor Stephania, she remembered everything, even trivial things, I menan numbers, names, phone numbers, addresses..." "To have a memory like that must driving mad." "Sorry, I'm going on." "I haven't talk as much as this for years." "No, I'm fascinated..." "May I ask you how long youhave been alone?" "Five and a half years." "But before that, you spoke to your wife?" "Yes..." "For the usual landed me in trouble." "What kind of trouble?" "Well, we throw a party for our colleagues..." "Our friends." "And she found this quote, from Pessoa:" "'Fields are greener in their description than in their actual greenness'." "And somebody said: oh, that's a beautiful sentence; and I said:" "Yes, only a very few people will ever understand it." "There was a terrible silence, and then she said, my wife," "She said: and I suppose you are one of the chosen few?" "So, that was the end of that party..." "But you were right." "Yeah, but it was arrogant." "Stupid and arrogant." "And is that why she left you, because of your arrogance?" "No, I think she left me, because she found me... boring." "Funny we still in touch, she called the other day, she wanted me to move my books out of the garage, because her new boyfriend wanted somewhere to park his car..." "Don't know why I'm telling you all this." "Would you like to dance?" "No, I can't, I can't dance." "You see?" "Boring." "Thank you." "I enjoyed that." "Raimund, you are not boring." "My uncle would like to see you again." "Would you take him some cigarettes?" "Jorge is still alive." "You may see him?" "Still running the same pharmacy." "Smoking cigarettes while he serves his customers." "You brought some?" "Yes, I did." "Stefania was in the house when I was there?" "She found them together in his study." "No wonder he lied to me." "Because, you know, he never lied, he couldn't tolerate dishonesty." "What had happened earlier that night?" "Jorges place become too small, so we hired a room in an old warehouse where our meetings." "We pretend it was a literacy class;" "Stefanias idea." "We were so naive..." "Nuno, you be in charge of the railways." "The numbers you will call:" "Lisbon, 6423518, contact name:" "Leonardo;" "Port, 355900, contact name:" "Julius." "The sign for take over will come from Radio Renaissance;" "It will be the song that was banned; the song by..." "Excuse me, are you lost?" "This is the literacy class?" "Yes, we were just finishing;" "please, take a seat." "Most letters have more than one pronunciation except the letter:" "X." "But I will explain that meaning what it tells next week." "Thank you all." "What is a professor of music doing here?" "I met someone who cannot read." "and wanted to see for myself what kind of course it was, before recommending it." "And what is this persons name?" "Carlos Pinto." "How original..." "Sit down, all of you!" "Nobody leaves this room!" "Out, out!" "João, give me your gun." "What for?" "We have to do what is right for the Resistance." "What happened to the others?" "Stafania and Amadeu they got away." "But they gonna find her, and then she will talk." "The others they don't know much, but Stephania, she knows everything." "Jorge, what are you talking about?" "You want to kill Stephania?" "No, no, I do not want, but I have to." "One life for many lives." "Give it to me." "João, give it to me." "I never found out what really happened..." "He tell you?" "No, when I asked him, he told me to get lost." "I need to know, I can't tell you how many times I wish" "I never give him that gun." "Three days later, Mendes, he picked me up." "He broke my hands and my spirit, but I never give him one single name." "You tell that to Jorge, that he owes me." "'In youth, we live as if we were immortal." "'Knowledge of mortality dances around us' 'like a brittle paper ribbon that barely touches our skin.'" "'When, in life does that change?" "'" "'When does the ribbon tighten, 'until finally it strangles us?" "'" "Mr. Kagi?" "Have you made a decision yet?" "No." "A woman came asking for you..." "She said she met you on a bridge or something?" "A Portuguese woman?" "I told her where you were and she left." "If you decide not to come back I need your keys;" "will you post them to me?" "No, this woman... did she leave her name?" "No." "Goodbye, Mr. Kagi." "João Eça wants to know what happened to Stephania." "He says you owe him." "I owe no one anything." "You know what they did to his hands?" "Those hands that used to play Mozart?" "He didn't give them one name." "If he had, you would not be standing here." "You think, you can blackmail me with guilt?" "You don't know who you're dealing with!" "Could I have killed her?" "That is the question!" "Don't you know we don't talk about the Resistance here?" "We bury our history and move on!" "You want a drink?" "we're sitting where Amadeu used to sit." "Until the thing with Mendes happened, then we... we had a list of reasons for loyalty:" "guilt towards others shared suffering, common struggle, common strenght, weaknesss, need for closeness," "common hatred, shared humor, and so on..." "What about love?" "He didn't believe in it." "avoided the word as too sentimental." "There were only three things that were important to him:" "desire, pleasure and security." "Desire..." "I don't trust people who don't drink." "Have a cigarette." "you're okay?" "João still loves to smoke." "He would." "The night we graduated from the University of Coimbra" "Me as a pharmacist, Amadeu as a doctor..." "What?" "Come, I have something to show you." "What do you think?" "So?" "It is a pharmacy..." "Yes..." "It's yours." "Come in." "I need a pharmacist I can trust if I'm going to be writing prescriptions." "Here." "I could not believe what he had given me." "After that I never thought we could loose our friendship." "I never thought it possible." "I am not much to look at, I know I'm an ugly bastard." "So..., when she came along" "God, she was beautiful." "I thought some of her would somehow rub of on me." "At least that is what I think have thought." "And this is Stephania." "I was going to introduce you, but..." "Resistance keeps us busy." "Isn't she beautiful?" "It was the way she took my hand and removed it from her neck her eyes penetrating him..." "We'll think about it, Amadeu, and get back to you." "Perhaps we can use your clinic as a drop off." "Why did you take my hand of your neck?" "Did I?" "Have you ever been in love so that not even food matters, not even words?" "I am not sure." "You would be sure." "You would know." "You always know." "You're thinking of him?" "What?" "You wish I was Amadeu." "Does he mention me in the book?" "A lot." "Then I am surprised she published it, Adriana hated me, wanted him all for herself, did not even want to share him with her father." "You know what happened to him?" "A few months before the Revolution he went to Amadeu and asked for stronger painkillers for his back." "Adriana came every week to the pharmacy for the pills, but he never took them; he ordered them." "A week after Amadeu died he swallowed over one hundred." "The newspapers said he died after a long illness..." "Catholics don't appreciate suicide." "Everyone out!" "Stephania, come with me." "If I had had the gun then I might have shot her." "And when you got the gun?" "I went straight to Amadeu's clinic." "I knew they would be there." "Where are they?" "They have gone." "Don't lie to me..." "They have gone, Jorge." "Give me the gun." "Stephania is she... is she still alive?" "I bumped into her, two years ago, she was here." "Attending some seminar or other." "I asked her how she was." "She told me she was teaching history..." "Where?" "At the University of Salamanca, Spain." "And your pharmacy..." "Why do you leave the lights on at night?" "To remind me of Amadeu." "Mr. da Silva, can I have my bill, please?" "Are you going back to Switzerland?" "Yes, via Spain." "They say right now in Switzerland is terrible, with rain, snow, wind..." "I have to go; could I have my bill?" "Excuse me..." "Hello!" "I want to thank you for what happened on the bridge." "I've been reading your book..." "I don't want it." "I just want to thank you for what you did." "I got your coat." "You left it behind." "Tell me your name?" "Catarina Mendez." "Yes .." "That Mendez." "I am the granddaughter of the Butcher of Lisbon." "I didn't know who he was until I read the book." "But you can't blame yourself for what your grandfather did..." "You don't understand." "I loved him." "I cried at his funeral." "and I did not understand why so many other people were not crying." "Anyway..." "It will take some time, but I learn to live with this." "This would be the same road they took." "But at night, and in great danger." "And in love." "I was moved to see my uncle cry like that." "I don't know what pleased him more:" "the news Stephania was alive or the cards of cigarettes we gave him." "So, you return to your school and continue teaching?" "If they'll have me..." "But I'm sure I come back and visit." "Are you sure she'll be in?" "She said she'll be here..." "Do you come in?" "No, I wait in the car." "Go, Raimund, I'll be fine here, take your time." "Welcome, Raimund" "I'm Stephania." "Thank you so much for meeting me." "You have the book?" "I do." "He looks just as I remember him." "So long ago and still so..." "Would you like some tea?" "Thank you." "What about your friend?" "She's happy in the car." "I joined the resistance after my father was arrested in 1971, for sabotage." "They sent him to Tarrafal..." "You have heard of it?" "It was also known as 'Campo da Morte Lenta':" "Camp of the Slow Death." "It took them two years to kill him." "And that is how I met Jorge." "I needed someone strong, some one to protect me..." "I thought that I was in love." "But then I met Amadeu..." "A new light fell on everything." "My whole life..." "I could not sleep anymore." "I went to the clinic as often as I could, despite Adriana's thoughts." "He wanted to take me in his arms, but he kept rejecting me." "Jorge, he would say, what about Jorge?" "I began to hate Jorge..." "Do you mind if I smoke?" "No, please." "Jealousy is a terrible emotion." "I could tell from his shoulders, he had seen us." "Awful..." "But in a way I was relieved; it was done." "Are you sure your friend is alright?" "Oh yes, she is fine in the car." "We drove through the night." "Amadeu kept questioning me." "Was he searching for me or for life?" "He wanted to know everything, my whole life, my memories, thoughts, fantasies, dreams..." "He was relentless." "It was almost a relief when 5 kms from the border stopped and hid me in the trunk." "Passport." "Why are you travelling to Spain?" "I'm going to visit relatives." "Get out of the car, please." "Keys." "Do you know Major Rui Luís Mendez, of the PIDE?" "What about him?" "I want you to call him, have his home number." "I want you to tell him you're treating me like a criminal." "He wants to talk to you." "This is Dr. Amadeu de Prado." "You are asking too much of me..." "You took my life away from me and I want it back now." "Give the phone back to my man." "Ironic, that I should ultimately be saved by the Butcher of Lisbon..." "That night we drove to Finisterra and slept in the car." "We'll go away." "We take a ship to the Amazon to a new world where only you and I exist." "I write books... we invent a new language that only you and I understand." "We go up the river as far as it will take us." "Back in time and into the future," "The very beginning of the end." "What will I do?" "You'll share it with me." "The same air, the same feelings, same tastes..." "These things you want..." "You want them for yourself, not for me." "I want them for both of us." "He was hungry for me, for life." "But the journey he wanted to take was into his own soul, not into mine." "I can not do it, Amadeu..." "What do you mean?" "You want more than I can ever give you." "And I'm not ready." "I'm so sorry..." "I have friends in Salamanca." "Will you take me to them?" "He drove me to Salamanca... he shook my hand," "he wished me well and left." "The next I heard he was dead." "I always thought I killed him." "He had an aneurysm." "An aneurysm?" "A blood vessel burst in his brain." "He's had it for a long time." "Did you go to his funeral?" "You did not really think I would do it, did you?" "It is no longer important." "So what happened to the names and telephone numbers you had in your head?" "Lisbon 3314518, contact name:" "Carlos;" "Sintra, 245102, contact name:" "Nuno..." "I wrote them all down and passed them on to someone save." "A few months later they were used to initiate the revolution." "Your friend must be very tired of waiting..." "You can keep the book if you like." "Thank you." "I probably more ready for him now then I was back then." "Goodbye, Raymund." "Goodbye, Stephania." "'We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place,'" "'We stay there, even though we go away.'" "'And there are things in us that we can find again,' 'only by going back there.'" "'We travel to ourselves when we go to a place,'" ""Now we have covered the stretch of our life, 'no matter how brief it may have been.'" "Is is me." "Well, we still... got five minutes." "Thank you for... telling me I wasn't boring." "For when I think of their lives," "Amadeu, Stefania, the others, their lives full of such vitality, intensity..." "So much so it broke them apart in the end." "But they lived." "Where is my life... apart from these last days... and now you're going back to it." "Why don't you just stay?" "What?" "Why don't you just stay?"