"I here deputize both of you as Deputy Sheriffs of Hazzard County." "I'm Officer Price." "The price is right." "Let's go." "What do you think?" "Why not?" "It seems that the boys have run into a little trouble." "Like what?" "You get the feeling this just ain't our day?" "Y'all hang around." "It all began when Bo and Luke won $100 first prize... at the Hazzard County snipe-hunting contest... which automatically made Cindy Lou and Maybelle close friends of the boys... even though the ladies were strangers in these parts." "Now, Bo and Luke are men of very few words." "What do you think?" "You can't use fewer words than that." "Yeah, I guess you can, too." "Why not?" "Let's go down to the lake." "Sounds good to me." "AII right." "Cindy Lou, we're going down to the lake." "Yeah, come on, Iet's go." "AII right." "I've got an idea." "What?" "Let's all go skinny-dipping." "Ain't that a good idea." "You can always tell a college girl." "Yeah." "Ain't this just been a day and a half." "Yeah, first that prize money." "Now, Cindy Lou and MaybeIIe are money in the bank." "It looks like the bank is gonna make a withdrawal from the customers, don't it?" "Wow, look." "These yahoos are loaded." "Just hold on a minute." "Take the clothes and leave the money." "Bye, fellas." "It was your idea in the first place." "Let's go." "Yeah." "will we go after them or just sit here all day?" "It just so happens that I Ieft my car keys in my pants pocket." "Right now, I ain't got no pants pockets." "Since when do we need keys to start a car?" "Now, if you folks were heading for the cookies and milk... well, you picked a bad time." "This is Sheriff CoItrane calling headquarters." "Come on." "Now this could end up in a tie." "That's parking, Hazzard style." "AII right." "Get out of the car." "Now, Rosco, we did have the right of way." "The only right you've got is the rights I'm gonna read you." "The only way you're going is straight to my sIammer." "Let's see now." "Destroying County property... reckless driving, speeding... resisting arrest, assaulting an officer... and indecent exposure." "The way I figured, them Duke boys will get two years." "Two years." "And with general Lee impounded at $15 a day..." "we're gonna make at Ieast $10,000." "$10,000!" "And that does not include the whiplash I'm gonna sue for." "whiplash?" "Yeah, everybody sues for whiplash." "I mean, that's the American way." "What do you mean I owe you $50?" "You insisted on holding the prize money." "You had my half of the money in your pants." "The fact they stole your pants with my money in it... is your problem, not mine." "You seem to forget it was your idea to pick up those girls in the first place." "That had nothing to do with money." "What do you mean?" "Sheriff Rosco CoItrane here." "CoItrane, this is Chief Lacey over in springville." "Listen, you ever heard of Rocky MarIowe?" "You mean, public Enemy one through ten?" "That's the one." "We had him bound over here for trial... and that fancy mouthpiece he hired won him a change of venue." "Change of venue?" "No kidding." "trial's going to be held in Hazzard County now." "So why don't you just come over here and pick him up?" "He's all yours." "Yeah, I'II do it." "So Mr. Rocky MarIowe's won himself a change of venue." "What kind of game do you have to play to win yourself a venue?" "It means a change of judicial jurisdiction." "Get it?" "Moving from one court to another, numskuII." "NumskuII." "How much you got to know, anyhow?" "Get him out." "Listen, Enos, why don't you go out and check the one-hour parking meters." "Right, Rosco." "That's what I want to talk to you about." "Something's wrong with them overtime flags." "They've been popping up 30 minutes too quick." "exactly, and that's exactly the way it should be." "That's what they call in police circles as... anticipating the potential violation." "Hush and get to it." "So Rocky MarIowe's gonna be at Hazzard County." "Good God, I Iove it." "You know what this really means?" "What?" "people are going to start pouring into Hazzard County just to see that trial." "people by the carload." "Checking into my hotel, eating in my restaurant... drinking in my bar, spending all that money." "And I'II get my 50% ." "Forty." "Thirty." "It's going to be better than Grand Ole Opry." "I'II go get that Rocky." "hold it." "You are not going to get that Rocky MarIowe." "I ain't gonna go get that Rocky?" "No, sir." "Why?" "Because, jackass, Rocky MarIowe's gang ain't just gonna sit by... and watch him being moved without trying to help him escape." "And that means shooting." "well, it doesn't really matter, Boss..." "because I'm faster than Gary Cooper is." "Who?" "Gary Cooper, High Noon." "That's who." "It's my job, anyway, you know." "I promised your fat sister lulu when I married her... that I'd keep you from getting your fool head shot off." "I appreciate that." "Besides, I know you're the best, Rosco." "Thank you, Boss." "The best sheriff my money can buy." "And I don't intend to lose my prime investment." "That's an order, hear?" "Yes, sir." "Boss, you mind me asking how are we gonna get MarIowe... from SpringviIIe over here to Hazzard County?" "Send some other damn fool down there to get him." "It ain't no easier for me to replace my damn fool than it is for you." "You got to send somebody!" "Who?" "Somebody like, maybe..." "Bo and Luke Duke." "I can't send Bo and Luke, Boss." "They're prisoners, you know." "You can't send prisoners." "You got to send deputies." "Why don't you use your head for something else other than combing?" "Deputize the Dukes!" "That's the way." "And you tell them that unless they do what you want them to do... you're gonna sell that general Lee of theirs to cover fines and damages." "I got it." "We send Bo and Luke after the prisoner." "And if anything happens to them, that would be terrible." "You're just beautiful, Boss." "beautiful?" "real nice-Iooking, maybe... but not beautiful." "Ain't that the truth." "He's a Miss ugly." "I hereby deputize both of you as deputies of Hazzard County." "hold on, we can't go through with this." "The cemetery's going to take off to flying with the Dukes spinning in their graves." "I will make you an offer you can't refuse." "You could refuse it, but that means that you're gonna stay in jail... and I'm gonna sell your car at public auction." "Here's your guns." "Rosco, you got to be kidding." "No way." "We touch those things, and our probation goes whistling up a hollow tree." "And you know it." "Now that is incorrect." "would I, as an honest officer, ask you...." "Let's get on with it." "Just raise your hand." "The other hand." "I here deputize both of you as Deputy Sheriffs of Hazzard County." "You got to do it so loud?" "You promised we'd be the only three to know." "I gave you my word, didn't I?" "Now, about Rosco's word.:" "He has to have somebody else call his dogs... because they don't even believe him anymore." "well... if it ain't the deputy Dukes." "Remember what I said about Rosco's dogs?" "Just the three of us, Rosco?" "I should have known better." "I mean, Rosco can't hardly go night-night without Boss burps him." "Hush." "You just hush there." "My, how those badges do gIisten when the light strikes them right." "Ain't that so, Rosco?" "Yeah, they do gIisten." "A Iot better than mine." "Boss, can I buy a new glistening badge out of petty cash?" "absolutely not." "Why not?" "Because none of my cash is petty." "That's why." "You boys have a job to do, don't you?" "Better get on it." "Yeah, better get on it." "These two are Rocky Marlowe's business associates." "When you associate with Rocky, they give you the business." "Friends and neighbors, it looks like this party's gonna get rough." "The deputy Dukes were hoping to sneak out of town... like a couple of whupped pups, but...." "That's cousin Daisy... in case you had never got around to seeing her face." "It's mighty pretty, too." "Bo and Luke explained the situation to Daisy... and made her promise that she wouldn't say a word of this to Uncle Jesse." "Old Jesse's allergic to police uniforms." "They give him the hives." "This ain't gonna work." "You know that, don't you?" "Not with both of us in the back." "How did we do that?" "Being it's a patrol car, I guess it's force of habit." "Anybody see us, Luke?" "I don't know." "I'm afraid to look." "Yeah, me, too." "That's obvious." "What is that guy doing on my side of the street?" "Look out!" "There you go, Enos." "Rosco's car door is good as new." "That looks good, Cooter." "That'II be $35.42." "Rosco figured that'd come to exactly three of your delinquent parking tickets." "plus 42c, cash on the barrelhead." "That ought to total, Cooter." "Thanks a Iot, Enos." "Now, Cooter, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket for littering." "Enos." "I'm sorry." "You see what I see?" "Possum on a gum bush." "Them boys are escaped convicts impersonating police officers." "Shoot, that's Enos." "So what?" "He ain't after us." "Did you forget what side we're on now?" "Yeah." "For once, we don't have anything to worry about." "Now, sometimes those boys show a pitiful grasp of reality." "Enos, that's gonna cost Rosco another $35.42." "That's not funny, Cooter." "At least Rosco's car is sure getting a big bang out of this story." "As for Cooter and Enos... the Duke boys could make old Cooter go for the whole turkey." "But it took Rosco to straighten old Enos out." "And to get this medicine show back on the road." "real rednecks they send." "I tell you, busting the boss loose from those two guys... is gonna be a piece of cake." "You mean to tell me... that Sheriff CoItrane sent you deputies over here to pick up a prisoner unarmed?" "You see, Chief, me and Bo here are sort of on probation." "Probationary officers?" "In a manner of speaking." "What's the matter with that sheriff?" "He got some screws loose or something?" "Nobody ever accused Rosco having too many smarts." "That's for sure." "Let me ask you something." "You know who you're taking back with you?" "You're taking back Rocky MarIowe, public Enemy Number One." "Looks like we don't have too many smarts, neither." "It seems Sheriff CoItrane neglected to inform us of that little fact." "ordinarily, I'd say it was your funeral, but I'm sending an officer with you." "Officer Price is one of our top people in weapons and firearms." "Sheriff Rosco didn't say nothing about nobody going... except me, Luke, and the prisoner." "Department policy." "Besides, you stand a better chance having a sharpshooter like Price along." "Price will be out front with the papers and attest to the delivery of the prisoner." "Send that prisoner in here." "Okay, Sheriff." "These two deputies are gonna take you to Hazzard." "should be an interesting trip." "well, he's all yours." "Price is waiting out front." "Come on, Frank." "Let's get a bowl of chili." "Let's go, MarIowe." "I said let's go." "Are you the deputies escorting the prisoner to Hazzard?" "That's us, ma'am." "I'm Officer Price." "A lady." "If I may say so, the price is right." "The prisoner's yours." "Thank you, ma'am." "If I might say so, if you shoot as good as you look..." "I am sure in the best of hands." "Deputies Bo Duke and Luke Duke..." "I'm supposed to accompany y'aII on the trip." "It'd be our pleasure." "You can even sit in the front with me." "That way you won't have to sit in the back seat with this criminal." "Might not be much safer up front." "Let's hope not." "Let's go." "Yeah, Iet's go." "Come on, MarIowe." "Do you two usually go unarmed?" "Let's just say that we don't feel guns are necessary." "You hayseeds must think you're real tough." "MarIowe, we ain't lost a prisoner yet." "You'd better check your rear-view mirror... because you just might be about to get your record broken." "The lady's right." "We have company." "AII right, hang on." "Luke, where are you going?" "I ain't sure." "I hate to break this to you, but so far you ain't doing too great of a job." "You guys are supposed to get me there in one piece." "Shoot." "I don't remember nobody saying nothing about that." "You, Luke?" "Me neither." "Our orders were one piece at a time." "Here, this ought to do it." "I sure hope you got a pilot's license." "Now where did they go?" "They must have cut down that next street." "Let's go." "Now, how's that for value?" "A used car with its own driver, three passengers... automatic transmission, cigarette lighter, and four balloon tires." "Officer Price." "Now, that's the real Officer Price." "Who do you reckon that lady is with Bo and Luke?" "Try it again." "Chief Lacey's office calling the Hazzard County Sheriff's car." "Over." "The next minute, she clobbered me and tied me up." "Gagged me and took the transfer papers." "They're not responding, Chief." "Maybe they've got their radio off." "Damn it, keep trying." "Chief Lacey's office calling the Hazzard County Sheriff's car." "Here, Iet me do it." "This is Chief Lacey calling the Hazzard County Sheriff's car." "Come in." "Do you hear me out there?" "This is Chief Lacey calling the Hazzard County Sheriff's car." "Now, talk to me, damn it!" "Now, when it comes to country smarts, Luke Duke is the champion." "He figured by switching cars, he'd throw the hoods right off the scent... like pepper in a rug to keep the dogs from finding the shoes." "Now, we've been up and down every street in this burg." "They ain't here." "They had to get out someway." "Let's try back there again." "Sure looks like Bo and Luke pulled one off on the Marlowe boys." "But remember that the only difference between an ambulance and a hearse... is slow driving and a black paint job." "What's in these cases here?" "That's just a little insurance policy Luke and me always carry around." "You sure do look familiar." "I bet you say that to all the cops." "I've seen you someplace and without that uniform." "I may forget names and faces, but I don't forget other things." "What's wrong with it?" "I'II tell you what's wrong with it." "Never trust a used car salesman who says "Trust me."" "Trust me, they went that way." "You got any idea what's wrong with it?" "only that the problem's religious in nature." "religious?" "Yeah." "You better pray I can fix it." "Listen to me, pal." "I can make it worth your while if you just look the other way." "I'm talking about a bushel of money." "No way, MarIowe." "We're country boys." "We don't use no money." "We just barter our way through life." "If you'd offered me a bushel of corn, there's no telling what I might do for y'aII." "Just keep cool." "Soon as the right time comes, I'II bust you loose." "Who are you?" "Does it really matter?" "I'm gonna bust you loose." "And then, Rosco, right here..." "I figured we'd put a huge Ferris wheel... next to the courthouse." "So, when everybody hits the top... they can look in and actually see Rocky MarIowe on trial." "That's a great idea, Boss." "I'II tell you something, you're a showman." "You're a regular P.T. Barnum and bailey." "I know it." "And then, right over here... next to the cotton candy and red-hots concession..." "I figured we'd put a real pretty merry-go-round." "That's my favorite: merry-go-round." "And then, whenever somebody grabs that gold ring, they get a free ride." "Rosco, don't you... ever use the word "free" in my presence." "What is it?" "It's the carburetor." "It's dirtier than Boss and Rosco put together." "I'II have her cleaned out in five minutes." "I sure hope we got five minutes." "public Enemy Number One." "You mean to tell me you sent those two boys out... to bring back a man like Rocky MarIowe unarmed?" "That's like sending them on a boar hunt with their bare hands." "You dressed-up marshmallow!" "Easy, Jesse." "uncle, it was Sheriff Rosco that said he'd sell the general Lee... if the boys didn't do what he wanted." "Why you pea-picking, squirreI-brained...." "How could you do anything Iike" "I told Rosco his idea was wrong." "My idea?" "Yeah." "Sheriff Rosco CoItrane here." "That's good." "That's bad." "That's even worse." "Jesse, it seems that the boys have run into a little trouble." "Like what?" "Boss, you tell him." "I didn't answer the phone, you numbhead." "You did." "Oh, yes." "It seems that... this gun moll is riding with the boys... posing like a lady cop, and the boys don't know it." "Chief Lacey has been trying to reach the boys on the radio... and can't do it." "Seems like they just went...and disappeared." "We're going right out there and finding them, ain't we?" "Ain't we, Rosco?" "Ain't you?" "Yes, we will." "especially since it was my idea." "AII right." "Get going." "What's the matter?" "Bo and Luke are in trouble." "Y'aII need any help?" "No, Enos and I can take care." "That means we need all the help we can get." "Shoot, come on, Enos." "Daisy, you...." "I know better than to tell you to stay, so come on." "Hang on, Daisy." "That's another $35.42, Rosco." "You've all heard the expression, '"The cavalry is coming. '"" "Well, they ain't." "There, that will about do it." "That better do it." "You sure you country boys don't want to make a deal?" "You're going the wrong way." "This road goes back to SpringviIIe." "So I ain't perfect...just pretty." "Come on, bring it around." "Ready?" "hold on back there." "Yeah." "Oh, Lord, here they come." "I just love it when people get out of the way for me." "Bo, you get the feeling this is just ain't our day?" "We got two choices." "Either we can wait here and get shot at, or run for it." "I'm not going anywhere." "MarIowe, for you, there ain't any choices." "Come on, move." "Let's go." "You guys'II never get away from my boys." "Get smart, cut me loose." "The price has gone up." "It'II cost you two bushels of corn now." "There's a road right on the other side of those woods." "We ought to be able to catch a ride if we can get there alive." "Let's move it, MarIowe, come on." "This way." "AII right." "Where are we gonna start looking?" "The highway between here and SpringviIIe." "That's the route they're supposed to have taken." "Listen, there it is again." "What?" "That ping-ping-ponging in the motor." "What is that?" "What kind of gas do you use?" "regular." "Darn it, Enos." "I've told you these vehicles are supposed to run on high-test premium." "I know it, Sheriff." "Ain't gonna no more." "Not since you made me pay for my own gas." "It ain't my fault if I don't catch no more speeders." "Is it, uncle Jesse?" "Get your hands off of my car." "This is my car." "What's left of it." "You wanted air-conditioning, you got air-conditioning now." "Wind whipping in here, chiII my innards." "Catch pneumonia." "Hot damn." "trouble?" "Nope." "Justice." "Poetic justice." "His wonders to perform." "Let's go, come on." "Thanks for the car, Cindy Lou." "Come back here, you dirty thieves!" "You mangy poIecats." "What's so funny?" "It's a Iong story." "But a pretty short ride unless we get some gas." "It's creeping death quick towards empty." "Possum hollow is about 4 miles down the road." "Got a gas pump there." "That dirt road doesn't go to Hazzard." "It goes to Possum hollow." "Wait a minute." "circle back around the lake and pick up the dirt road over there." "Why are they going to a ghost town?" "Doesn't matter." "What matters according to this map... is that there's only one way out of Possum hollow." "That's the way you go in." "Let's go." "When are you gonna bust me loose?" "In about 4 miles." "You sure do look familiar, honey." "fill her up." "Make it as quick as you can." "Cash or credit card?" "Charge it to the Hazzard County Sheriff." "Can't." "He ain't got no account here." "hold on there." "This here's official business." "Okay." "It ain't no big deal." "Come inside and fill out one of these forms indicating credit reference." "Then you'II get your card in 30 days, maybe." "We ain't got no 30 days." "We are in kind of a hurry." "Here are the keys." "You better go that way." "This way's nothing but swamps." "Now get going, Mr. MarIowe." "Like I said, you sure do look familiar." "Yeah." "In case you're wondering what's going on, so am I." "Thanks a Iot." "Much obliged." "welcome." "We'd better get out of here quick before those guys find us." "Looks like they already done that." "I hope this insurance policy of ours pays off." "Me, too." "Got that?" "Yep, Iet's go." "Time's up, Mr. MarIowe." "What's your game, sister?" "Who...." "MaIone." "You are Nipsy MaIone's kid." "Here to collect a little debt." "hold on." "I had nothing to do with sending your old man to prison." "I know different." "He was just a smaII-time bookie, but you still wanted a piece of the action." "He wouldn't give." "So you framed him." "Made it look like he was a big-time operator." "Five years." "No probation." "Mary Beth, put that gun down." "Just stay where you are." "This is personal." "That's what we heard, but a gun ain't no way to settle nothing." "You stay put until we come back for you." "You're going after him with those?" "Shoot, honey." "We've taken down tougher game than him with these." "Roof?" "Must be." "Yeah, come on." "One of them had handcuffs, right?" "You know it had to be the boy." "Not necessarily." "Which way?" "Down there." "Now, everybody knows that Rosco is Boss Hogg's bird dog... but at least he's catching the scent." "The question is, can he come to point in time?" "He's heading for our car." "Did you leave the keys in the ignition?" "I sure did." "Sure hate to mess up the pretty paint job." "They're up there." "It took you long enough." "Nipsy MaIone's kid's in the saloon." "Get her." "The deputies, waste them." "Come on." "Let's get out of here." "25% charge ought to do it." "Yeah." "AII right, freeze!" "Sorry, Sheriff, the shoe's on the other foot now." "Put down your guns or the girl just drew her last breath." "Don't shoot." "Now, hold it, MarIowe." "pull that trigger, and you and your friends will go... higher and wider than a moon shot." "I got you." "Just freeze it right there." "AII right." "Get against the car." "You all have the right to remain quiet." "Get them up there." "Enos, will you hush?" "They've been wrong so many times." "They know their rights." "It's just like I always say... if I want anything done, then I got to do it myself." "will you listen to him?" "You know, the funny part is old Rosco really believes that." "Get in there." "Get on there right now." "Get in there." "You're messing with the wrong guy." "You're in the wrong county." "well, boys, I was just thinking" "hold it." "That's your problem there." "What's old Boss gonna say if he finds out that you've been thinking?" "That's exactly what I'm talking about." "No respect for the Iaw." "I'II tell you something." "I was thinking." "Hush." "He's his cheery self again." "tell them, Cooter." "Hey, y'aII." "I've seen a big old gray boar over on cripple Creek." "You want to go hunting?" "Shoot, I can't, but I'd sure like to." "I got to take Mary Beth back to SpringviIIe to cIear" "You're taking Mary Beth?" "I thought I was driving her back." "We never said anything about you driving her." "hold it, fellas." "Just to keep peace in the family, I'm driving Mary Beth back to SpringviIIe." "That means we can go boar hunting." "That's Bo talk for "You bet."" "Thanks a Iot, fellas, for everything." "Sure thing." "Come on, honey." "Bye, ma'am." "Boys, I got something for you." "What's that, Rosco?" "Since now both of you are bona fide civilians..." "I'm giving you a ticket for overtime parking." "Thank you." "Yeah, thanks a Iot, Rosco." "That sure is a small price to pay for not having to be your deputy no more." "That's the legend of the Deputy Dukes." "And it ended pretty happy." "Except for old Boss, when Rocky Marlowe's change of venue... had another change of venue." "This left Boss with his Ferris wheel up the creek." "Come to think of it... this is a darned sight happier ending than I thought we would get." "english"