"Oh, this could be a bad day." "A very bad day." "Shut up!" "How can I read the newspaper with that deafening racket blaring out of your mouth?" "It sounds like a gorilla eating a log cabin." "Jeez, calm down." "Why do you get worked-up every time some insignificant event happens in the news?" "Because that's the way I am." "Can't you just accept the fact that we're different?" "Like Mom always said:" ""lt takes all kinds of fruits to make fruit cup."" "We could all learn a lot from fruit cup." "What a beautiful" "Yes." "Fine." "Now, please, I have important news to digest." "Oh, no." "Oh, God." "Oh, no." "Oh, God." "Mommy, stop babying me." "Oh, yes. I'm sorry, my sweet baby." "Now hurry or you'll miss the school bus." "I'm sick of taking the bus." "When can I walk to school like everyone else my age?" "Oh, angel baby, no." "Oh, honey-pumpkin, no." "No. lt's just not safe for a young boy to walk to school." "Not with all the strange people that live in this neighborhood." "A journey to enlightenment will not be easy." "We must summon our inner being." "And look to it for strength and guidance." "Oh, wow, don't I know you?" "Weren't we in the fifth grade together?" "No, Posey." "I am your inner being." "So in a way, yes." "But who cares?" "I'm here to guide you on your path to enlightenment." "The way's fraught with traps and dangers." "Together, we must cross the chasm of selfishness and defeat the ogre of personal resentment." "Oh, wow." "And what does he represent?" "Oh, that's just Frankenstein." "Nobody knows what he's doing up here." "Well, come on." "Let's get going." "I'm sick of Mommy bossing me around." "I can walk to school if I want to." "Hup two walk walk Hup two walk walk" "I walk to school No bus for me" "This is so fun What could go wrong?" "Hello, Mr. Dog" "Oh, God." "What do I do?" "Run away." "No, they can smell fear." "Just ignore him, and he'll ignore you." "Mommy...." "As you ascend gaze down at the tiny Earth." "Feel how trivial the cares of the world are." "How unimportant" "We interrupt this trivial program to bring you important world news." "This is an Action Cast 1 2 special report." "We now take you live to" "Keep in tune to 99 Rocks for live coverage of tonight's Grammy Awards." "Featuring special appearances by Jennifer Love Hewitt Courtney Thorne-Smith, Tiffani-Amber Thiessen Melissa Joan Hart, Becca Michelle Butterfield and Jonathon Taylor Thomas." "Becca Michelle Butterfield was pretty hot in I Still Have Some Issues With What You Did Last Summer." "I don't go for that crap." "Hey, let me out here." "I have to get some coffee before work." "I'm sick of all this bad news." "When is something good gonna happen?" "I'm sorry." "I'm Andy." "And a diplomatic solution would be dope." "But efforts have tanked." "Hey, it's a real bummer when people can't get along." "Just like some people can't along without the crispity, crunchity chocolatey goodness in every Kit Kat bar." "For Hershey, I'm Panzer, your Student Network E.J." "And this has been a special report." "Go ahead and laugh." "When I was your age, I thought the Tonkin Gulf incident was a real hoot." "A bullet in the shoulder wiped that smile off my face real fast." "l am concerned, Mr. Czelanski." "Yeah, you would be." "And then he says:" ""lt sounds like a gorilla eating a log cabin!"" "Oh, my God!" "Your brother sounds so totally lame." "You know who else says stuff like that all the time?" "David Schwimmer." "Oh, man." "Look at you." "You look like the girl in the Got Milk ads." "You know, Becca Michelle Buba-dee-bub." "She's wearing a lab coat with nothing underneath and glasses..." "..." "like she's some sort of genius and" "Oh, my God." "Did you think I was cute in that one?" "Did I think you were...?" "Oh, man, I...." "You're her, aren't you?" "l'm totally her." "Oh, wow. I had no idea. I am so sorry." "If I had known, I never would have talked to you." "Sorry." "Don't be silly." "I hate when people think they can't even talk to me because I'm famous." "It's okay, Rollo." "He's cool." "You know, if you're not doing anything tonight maybe you'd like to come to the Grammys with me?" "Why?" "You mean, like, you could sneak me into the balcony or-?" "No, silly." "As my date." "Baby!" "This is gonna be the best day of my life." "Hey, everybody." "What's going on--?" "They're about to raid the compound in Oregon." "Oh, and they had this amazing footage of the airlift." "What airlift?" "From the ship?" "You know, Dennis Rodman?" "Do try to stay at least two steps behind." "And this is Becca Michelle Butterfield's lipstick." "Lucky duck." "I've got a ton of stuff to do before my date." "Get a haircut, rent a tux...." "l guess I should watch one of her movies too." "Which one should I rent?" "l recommend It's Just Like Last Summer." "What, with the killing and all." "Hey, why don't you just split now and take the whole day off?" "Won't somebody notice?" "No, everyone's just gonna watch the news all day." "Work's pretty much canceled." "But I still get paid." "Yep." "God bless America land I'm sure many of you have already overheard the honor students talking about the crisis our nation currently faces." "Any student who feels that she or he needs to be with loved ones may be excused for the day." "Now I'll answer any questions you might" "What?" "!" "Hey, Andy." "Help!" "This dog has rabies, and he won't stop following me!" "Stay over there, then!" "Yeah, okay." "What else do I do?" "Just keep walking." "Yeah." "That's good." "And don't stop or start running." "That'll make him crazier." "Just keep on walking." "Andy, should I just keep circling the block until you come back?" "Andy?" "Crisis Watch." "Day One." "What are you doing home?" "Did they spray your school for nerds?" "Please!" "This is no time for personal attacks." "Our very way of life is at stake." "News Flash, spazmeyer." "This is no great shakes." "It's just another media snow day." "We grownups have them periodically, so we can blow off work." "Right, Posey?" "Posey?" "Unlike some people, Posey is taking this matter seriously." "Good job, Posey." "You destroyed the she-wolf of jealousy." "Now, we must summon our deepest core of goodness to help us travel to the sacred city of light within." "Summoning." "Summoning." "What the hey, we'll take my Miata." "Anyway, you'll never guess who I have a date with" "Steven Spielberg is preparing to address the nation." "Steven Spiel" " He isn't even a politician!" "It's politicians who got us into this mess, Andy." "And even though the crisis is taking place hundreds of miles away big-hearted-- ...with donations of warm blankets and canned goods." "Pay attention." "This thing's gotta fit right." "Except in the crotch." "You can make it a little tight in the crotch." "Never mind." "Never mind." "Join us for a special Dateline, examining the roots of the crisis." "And also, hidden poisons lurking in your refrigerator." "Well, these will have to do." "And I think we're all, you know, seeking a peaceful resolution." "Hello?" "lt's Andy. I need you to do me a favor." "You're interrupting Dennis Rodman." "Goodbye." "Crap!" "No!" "Don't hang up!" "I'm running late and the tuxedo place closes at 5!" "Several dramatic new developments...." "l'd rather not, frankly." "I might miss important crisis coverage." "Who gives a f--?" "Please, buddy." "Don't you want me, your loving, freaking brother to have the best night of his life?" "Fine." "Give me the address." "Kevin." "Kevin!" "Help!" "Hello." "Mommy, there's a dog following me..." "...and it's totally anti" "Well, I can't understand" "Help, Mommy!" "No, listen." "No, let me talk." "Mommy, I don't have time to" "Toby?" "Toby?" "Toby?" "Penis." "Penis." "Penis." ""Money for liquor, " which has become a familiar phrase during this crisis." "Coming up at 5...." "Balzac!" "I'd better get Andy's tux." "Posey, if I'm not back by 5:30, tape Alec Baldwin's speech to the UN." "Kevin, hey!" "Oh, hi, Natalie!" "What brings you out this fine evening?" "Oh, just handcuffing ourselves to this fence to protest the crisis." "You know, with all the hunger and illiteracy in this country should we really be wasting money on compound raids and celebrity airlifts?" "Oh, did you see that footage?" "Oh, wasn't it marvelous?" "Those Black Hawk helicopters are incredible!" "I know!" "And the infrared shots from those sidewinder missiles?" "Kevin, you got my tux?" "Kevin?" "!" "Geeko!" "Wherefore art thou?" "Decrying military action and media bias." "These crackpots certainly won't have much of an impact on...." "Damn that kid and his douche-baggery!" "I'm not that far away." "Posey, if Becca Michelle-Whatever calls tell her I'll be back here in 1 0 minutes, okay?" "I'm going to take you to this sushi place in the Enlightenment District." "You'll love it." "Of course, first, you'll have to overcome the serpent of worldly attachments." "I told you about that, right?" "Did you notice that Wolf Blizter has put on..." "..." "like, 1 0 pounds since the last crisis?" "Oh, I know." "And did you see Christiane Amanpour's new jacket with, like, a hundred pockets?" "There you are, little creep!" "Thanks to you, I'm gonna be late for the Grammys." "I was doing you a favor." "There's no need to be abusive." "Left hand, please." "Sure." "Abusive?" "You don't know what abusive is yet." "I'm going to miss my date." "Just look at the time." "Don't worry. I'll have him unlock you." "This was supposed to be the best..." "Stop!" "...night of my life!" "Hey, you two!" "Knock it off!" "Andy, look at this." "How's about a little distraction so we can make our getaway?" "What do we want?" "When do we want it?" "These left-wing peace-niks don't know the first thing about...." "l'll never make it to the Grammys like this." "We gotta get these freaking cuffs off." "No need for pseudo profanity." "I think I see a solution right up ahead." "Crap." "There's only one match left." "Have you been smoking?" "Yes!" "You wait right here. I'll go get help." "Bye!" "And then I'm gonna make dog burgers and dog dumplings and" " Andy!" "I can't keep going." "Don't stop!" "You'll excite the dog!" "It's no use." "Besides, I think he's pretty tired too." "Run!" "Quick." "Get behind me, tubbs." "I left him right here." "Why would he wander away?" "Well, if he's not here, he could be anywhere." "Except here." "You keep looking for Andy." "I'll head over to the Grammys and tell his date to wait." "If you find him, bring him there!" "Claim it was a military target rather than a petting zoo." "And I don't need to own a beach house to be happy either!" "Good job." "You've rid yourself of devotion to worldly possessions." "Oh, great!" "Are you going to rid yourself of the Miata?" "I don't have to. lt's leased." "Hey, how you doing?" "Hello. I'm here to see Miss Becca Michelle Butterfield." "No, no!" "I'm serious." "Look!" "I even have a tuxedo!" "Hello. I'm here to get married to Miss Sheryl Crow." "Hey, what?" "Hey!" "My name is on the list." "Andy French." "He's on the list." "Hey, sorry about the rough stuff." "But we gotta keep the psychos out." "Live, from the Cosmopolis Metroplex!" "It's the 43rd Annual Grammy Awards." "Now here are your hosts, The Backstreet Boys!" "Excellent!" "I mean...." "And he's handcuffed to a what?" "Where did you say Andy was?" "I don't know!" "But he didn't stand you up." "He really, really likes you." "This is all my fault." "See, we were fighting all day when we should've been making fruit cup." "What?" "lt's just a saying my mom used to have." "You know, she used to make up" "Now, to present the award for Best Pop Song by the Offspring of a Rock Legend Becca Michelle Butterfield!" "You're on, Becca." "Before I present this award I'd like to talk about what we're all feeling tonight." "I know the world is concerned about important things than these dumb, silly, ass-backwards awards." "Hey!" "So I'd like to say to our leaders and the others whose squabbling started this crisis." "Some profound words spoken by a very wise mother of two." ""lt takes all kinds of fruits to make fruit cup."" "This can't be happening." "Kevin?" "Shut up!" "We're trying to watch the freaking Grammys here!" "That little-- He steals my date and gets on TV?" "I can't take anymore!" "Andy, you did it!" "You did it!" "I can't believe it." "Yeah!" "You're the best." "What happened to your hair?" "Becca, I just got off the phone with the president." "And you know, I think your remark really hit home." "Thanks, but most of the credit belongs to my friend here." "Wow, David Schwimmer!" "I'm a huge fan." "Oh, thank you." "Yes." "Hi, you all!" "Look at here!" "The geo-political tides are returning." "Expect a peaceful settlement by midnight." "Sources credit actress Becca Michelle Butterfield and her call for sanity at tonight's Grammy Awards for kick-starting the negotiations." "A courageous actress and her impassioned remarks heal an embattled nation." "Yeah." "The reward, the president promised Dennis his very own White House intern." "Number six." "Not in my fruit cup, you don't." "Now that things are back to normal, Here's Fritz with the weather." "Get out those umbrellas because thunderstorms are expected tonight!" "You've reached the final level." "Are you ready for enlightenment?" "Oh, yes, l" "Oh, what's that--?" "What is that noise?" "Concentrate, Posey." "It cannot be revealed unless...." "Oh, God!" "It's so loud!" "Oh, for Pete's sake, here!" "Oh!" "Hi, Andy." "Sorry, Posey. I wake you up?" "Oh, no." "Not at all." "Are you okay?" "Why are you chained to a fence?" "And what happened to your hair?" "I'll tell you in the morning." "I'm gonna go take a bath." "Hey, how were the Grammys?" "Oh, they were okay." "I met Patrick Stewart and Gordon Lightfoot!" "I think. lt was great!" "Becca asked me to give this to you." "Andy, I had one of the most exciting nights of my life." "And I owe it all to you!" "So thanks." "I'm proud to be in this crazy fruit cup with you." "Yeah." "Sure, Kev." "No problem." "Andy, I found this backstage and thought you'd get a kick out of it." ""For Lifetime Achievement in the Recording Industry." "Quincy Jones."" "I'm off to another awards ceremony." "This time to get a prize myself." "You don't have any plans to be in Stockholm next week, do you?" "Peace, Becca." "NOBEL PEACE prize CEREMONY STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN ...Becca Michelle Butterfield." "I'd like to thank everyone who made this possible." "Especially Steve, Tommy, my agents at lCM." "Justin at Brentwood Fitness." "You're the best!" "And I couldn't have done it without Andy and Kevin's mom." "And to Shimon Perez, you deserved it but better luck next year." "I love you, Stockholm!" "Subtitles by BloodLogic" "[english]"