"Well, every so often we come across one of these kinds of stories." "This peach of a piece comes to us from down south where a Georgia man claims to have seen bigfoot." "Yes, that's right, bigfoot." "Michael joneses of calamityville, says that the legendary creature walked right by him while at a local creek." "Joneses tells wrxh that he and a friend were walking through the woods when it happened." "I was there." "I was right there, you know?" "And he was right there." "And he looked me right in the eye." "I look at my friend, and he just shrugged like nothing happened." "You said it was dark, correct?" "Oh, yes, ma'am." "Maybe too dark to really make out what you were seeing?" "Oh, no, no matter." "Day, night, light, or dark, big is always gonna be big." "That's right, "big is always going to be big."" "Apparently they tried to interview the other eyewitness, but he declined to comment." "Well, there you have it, folks, even bigfoot likes Southern hospitality." "No, we talked about this." "It's "project bigfoot."" "Oh, my gosh, that sounds lame." "It should be you know, make it sound scary, dude." "Moose, we said "project bigfoot" in the movie." "And you saw it." "It's not scary." "We're going with" "Okay, you tell me what sounds better, or" "Moose, you're just doing a better voice" "for the one that you want." "No, I wasn't." "When's the last time you heard the title being said as it came up on the screen?" "Never, why are you doing this?" "Okay, I'm telling you, Steve, it's the way the business" "Stop!" "It's..." "And that's the end of the conversation, okay?" "Fine, you're the boss, you get what you want." " Thank you." " Yep." " I respect you." " I appreciate that." "Are we rolling?" "Yeah, man, go." "The yeti." "Sasquatch." "Skunk ape." "The yowie." ""Harry and the Hendersons."" "This supposed beast dons many names from different regions all around the globe, but we have all come to know him as bigfoot." "The million dollar question is, does he exist?" "Stay tuned as we interview several people who claim, yes, he does!" "Is that going to be the beginning?" "Yeah!" "Yeah, I mean, might jazz it up a little, I don't know, what do you think?" "Yeah, it's good." "Yeah, it's good." " No, that was kinda weak, dude." "What, really?" "I mean, maybe it needs more of a hook." "You know, like a twist?" "I can't put a twist in it." "It's a documentary." "It's not made up, only the-- oh, this is it." "Okay, guys, this is a very good friend of mine, who has a lot of experience with a camera." "A true professional." "So I'm begging the both of you, especially you," " Unwarranted." "Be on your best behavior, okay?" "Always on my best behavior, Steve." "Always?" "Always." "Especially this time." "This yeti guy better not be a douchebag" "because I think i can only take..." "What?" "Five days of douche." "Moose." "That's exactly what I'm talking about." "Holy hotcakes!" "Don't say hotcakes." "Best behavior." "Best." "Oh, my!" "Is that?" "Dude, do you know who that is, man?" "No." "That's Jamie kerrigan." "Oh, man, she was on my flag football team." "She is so hot and fast." "Yeah, she's hot, but she better not get in my way." "What do you mean, "get in your way"?" "You know what I'm talking about." "Oh, yeah." "Wait, no, I don't." "Do you even know how to use that thing?" "Oh, yeah, kinda." "Hi." "I'm Jamie." "Okay." "Gummy bear?" "Oh, no, thanks." "And we are off!" "Have you been rolling this whole time?" "Yeah." "I told you you, don't need" "Fancy schmancy hotel accommodations." "There's Jamie, with her awesome diary." "Moose, big old pocket knife." "Mickey." "Your fly's open." " Yeah, I do that for fun sometimes." "It's funny." "Okay, guys, this is gonna be super fun." "We're gonna do a quick little intro." "Okay, so just tell us who you are, how you got here." "What you hope to gain from this experience, you blah, blah, blah." "You got it?" "Yup." "Sounds gay." "Well, that doesn't even make sense, but whatever, you're doing it." "I zipped it up, just in case you're wondering." "Oh, good, yeah, I'm proud of you." "Okay, great, let's get started." "Yeah, that bed is big enough for the three of us, yeah?" "Oh, the more the merrier." "No, no." "And action." "Hi, I am Mickey." "I am 26 years old." "I am from west palm beach, Florida." "Hi." "I am Jamie." "I'm a researcher and a fellow camera operator on project bigfoot." "Yeah, moose." "Real name's Franklin Simmons." "So you can understand why I go by moose." "I like football." "I like to play racquetball." "I don't if there is a bigfoot, but..." "Who knows, you know?" "That's why I'm here, I guess." "Bigfoot is bullshit." "I am 5' 4 1/2", 140 pounds." " And I work at the" " What are you doing?" "You said to introduce myself." "Yeah, but this isn't-- this isn't eharmony, okay?" "Just tell us about the project and why you're here." "I'm sorry, man, that's-- all right." "It's easy." "All right, um, hi!" "I am Mickey." "I am here for audio." "I work at the olive garden." "I'm pretty stoked, I think." "So Steve asked me to come up here." "So whatev's, I'm here." " Brought my gun." " Oh, sweet." "I am 5' 4 1/2"." "I am 140" "You already said that." "Steve, I'm not good at this stuff, man." "So, it should be fun." "Steve, she didn't say how tall she was." " That's fine." " Copy." "So, if there is a bigfoot, you better watch out cause the moose is coming for you." "Hi, I'm the team leader, Steve." " Or captain Steve." "" "I'm not calling you captain Steve." "For five days, i and my brave team, will be alone in the backwoods of Georgia, here in calamityville." "It was here that the last known sighting of bigfoot took place, only 12 days ago." "We plan to investigate." "Not only will we talk to professors and scientists, but we'll also talk to locals who say that they've seen bigfoot with their very own eyes." "I've spent 10 years dedicating my life to the research of bigfoot." "So there's no hiding the fact that I strongly believe that bigfoot exists." "I also believe that by the end of this project, the world will know more about this mystifying creature." "This is captain Steve signing off." "Stay tuned." "10 years, Jesus, get a life!" "Come on, man, can you not" "I admire the people who go looking." "What do you mean?" "The people that actually go looking for bigfoot." "They never find anything, Steve." "Yeah, but at least they're trying." "Yeah, but at least you got a big interview set up, Steve." " I guess." "" "Do you know what you're gonna ask yet?" "Yeah, I should be good." "Hey, Steve, who's gonna edit the movie?" "I don't know yet, why?" "I shot this short film called, "blood brotherz."" "Steve, freakin' awesome." "Hey, bro?" "Bro?" "Are you awake?" "Now I am." "What's up little brother?" "I can't do this prison anymore." "It's got me down." "Then we need to get out of this place." "We need to do it now." "What's your plan?" "The big brother's got a plan." "We're gonna get you the hell outta here." "Come on little brother, this way!" "No, it's locked!" " Let's go!" " Thanks, man." "Yeah, my cousin cut it." "He can edit your movie." "He's pretty good." "Yeah?" "Is he really any good, or does he--?" "Hi, I'm here with Michael joneses." "Am I saying that correctly?" "Joneses." "Okay." "Mr. joneses." "Yes, sir." "You reported seeing bigfoot almost two weeks ago, is that correct?" "Yes, sir." "And you're sure it was bigfoot?" "Yes, sir." "That is very exciting." "Where exactly did you see him?" "Over there somewheres." "Over there somewheres?" "Yes, sir." "Okay, um, and-- and what did he look like?" "Big." "He looked big." "Yes, sir." "Just big?" "Yes, sir." "Shh." "Uh, were there any other details about the sighting?" "No, sir." "I was really expecting a "yes, sir" there." "Uh, were you with any one at the time?" "Yes, sir." "Okay, great." "Who?" "Willie ray." "Willie ray." "Yes, sir." "And where does he live?" "Over there somewheres." "Yes, sir?" "What the hell was that?" "That was a very bad interview, Steve." "Oh, that was a very bad interview?" "Oh, thanks moose." "Are they all gonna be like that, Steve?" "I don't know." "I hope not." "The interviews are not gonna cut it." " Mm-mmm." " Guys, I have an idea." " No." " Yes." "What if we actually looked for bigfoot." " I'm in 100%." " Steve." "Guys, hear me out, okay?" "As of right now, what are we doing?" "What are we doing?" "We're making a movie with interviews." "Okay, that's boring." "Snoozefest." "Why can't we look for him?" "Because he doesn't exist." "Well, it doesn't hurt to try, right?" "I say we camp out for a few weeks" "and really investigate." "No way, man." "I would rather watch every Tyler Perry movie." "Steve, I gotta work next week." "You know that." "Ooh, where do you work?" "Yeah, where do you work?" "Why?" "I don't know, i just think maybe i could come in," "like, hey, Jamie, what's happening?" "You'd be like," ""you are a stud." I'd be like, "stop, you're embarrassing me, but I secretly want you to keep going."" " I need a job." " Mm-hmm, okay." "No, let's just head back into town and then" "What?" " Oh, Jesus!" " Deliverance!" "Roll your window down." " Uh, no, thanks!" " No, thank you." " You guys the bigfoot people, right?" "" "Nope." " We're not?" " No." "Tell him" " Say no." " Say no." "I stepped in shit." "He stepped in shit." "Oh, god." "Okay, I am here with Earl, and Earl is claiming to have seen bigfoot." "Is that correct?" "That's right, but he won't let anybody see him." "What do you mean?" "Well, you see, the thing with bigfoot is, if he wants to be seen, then you can see him, but if he don't, then you ain't gonna see him." "That's just-- that's just the way it is." "It's just like that." "But he is somewhere in these woods?" "Oh, no, yeah, no, he's around here." "No, he's definitely somewhere here, yeah." "But only if he wants to be seen." "That's right." "That's right." "And you've only seen him once?" "Me, oh, yes," "I've seen him one time, but Willie ray, he-- the Willie ray that lives over there somewheres." "Yeah, that's him!" "That's right, yeah." "Yeah, he's seen him." "The other day i-- well, i bumped into Willie ray and he-- we was fishing and he was telling-- he runs into bigfoot and then they'll hang out and play games, and go dancing," "and Indian wrestle and stuff like that." "Bigfoot?" "That's right." "Wow." "Can you describe him?" "Oh, yeah, no, he's about eight feet tall." "He's got a big old head, big old hair." "Strong." "He's real strong, you know?" "He's like a gorilla man strong." "Wow, wow, thank you so much, Earl." "Thank you very much." "Oh, man, no think nothing of it." "That's fine." "Y'all be careful now, okay?" "Wouldn't want anything bad to happen to any of you." "All I'm saying is why would he even say that?" "Don't listen to him, man." "An eight feet tall gorilla man?" "That crusty bastard was crazy." " I can hear everything you're saying." "Go, Jamie, attack!" "I was-- we were talking-- i meant another crusty bastard." "Not you." "Why's he following us?" "Where were you on that, ass?" "I didn't see him." "Shut up and keep on moving." "All right, I'll let you be." "Did he just say he's gonna let us be?" "Well, wait, what does it mean?" "What the hell was he planning on doing?" "He's gonna kill us." "Don't say that." "Shh." "Do we really have to be here for five days, Steve?" "Steve, let's just go into town, okay?" "Yeah, yeah, let's go into town." "Okay." "Yeah, double time." "Let's go!" "Look, Steve, I really think we can get everything we need" "in two days, right?" "I say we find a deer, shoot it, skin it, eat it, and then we leave." "Ooh!" "That's a movie, Steve!" "I would watch that." "We have five days to get what we need." "We have a lot left to shoot and we'll be here for the remainder of it." "That's what we signed up for." "I didn't sign up for anything." "You know what I meant, Mickey." "Did you sign up for something?" "Yeah, it's a long agreement." "Oh, great." "He did sound pretty sure of himself, huh?" "Who Earl?" "He sounded like a lunatic." "We are in unchartered territory here, guys." "We can be on to something!" "You know what we're on to?" "Finding more homicidal maniacs-- five days!" "Ugh!" "I hate this, dude." "This is a nightmare." "Well-- -hi." "I say it right here." "Yes." "All right." "Hi, I'm here with Walter-- -but how am I gonna talk to you" "if I'm looking in the-- -you can look at both." "At both of you?" "All right." "Hi, I'm here with Walter Lee." "Hi, I'm here with Reggie." "Hi, I'm here with um" "I'm sorry, what was your name?" "It's on my vest." " Are your kids okay in there?" "They're fine." "Don't worry about 'em." "Okay, are you sure?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "I fed 'em." "Sure, I've seen bigfoot?" "You have?" "Yeah, I've seen him." "Can you describe him for us?" "Sure, yeah, I mean, I saw him." "He's a big hairy guy." "I was sittin' on the couch with my old lady and we was watching the television and he come across in that thing where- no, no, not on TV." "He's walking and turned around." "In real life with your own eyes." "Oh, like real-- like-- like in 3-d." "Yes." "Sure, I've seen-- oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, i seen him." "Everybody know that they be with them chickens and they be laughing and who gonna go and bail 'em out?" "Cecil gonna bail 'em out, that's who gonna bail 'em out." "Okay, I think that we actually have another interview to get to." "I'm talking about bigfoot." "Steve, let me take commando over here." "Why, what are you gonna do?" "I got it." "Hey there, moose." "We're doing a documentary on bigfoot and we thought maybe we could have you share some information with us." "Oh, yeah, yeah, i sure would." "Whatever you need to know." "What's your name?" "My name is junior." "Junior, all right, junior." "So, have you seen bigfoot before?" "Mm-hmm, I did-- nah, I didn't see him" "but I actually heard him." "Oh, wow, you heard him?" "I heard him groan." "Oh, wow." "I heard his calling." "Well, there is no scientific fact that says he doesn't exist." "There's no scientific fact that says he does exist." "Okay, well, there's no scientific fact that says he doesn't exist." "He has a job?" "Well, yeah, he works over in George cardel dodge." "Okay, I think you're thinking of an inflatable balloon." "No, he's got that-- you know, he stands out in front." "He's got this sign tells you how much cars are." "He waves to people that go by." "That's an inflatable balloon." "You seen him, he goes like this," "if you see a fella doing this, it's probably bigfoot." "Okay." "Are you guys filming around here?" "Doing stuff?" "Going around town?" "Yup, we're shooting a documentary." "Don't go to Joe's groceries." "Why?" "He's a dick." "Oh, so you heard him?" "What did he sound like?" "You know what?" "He sound like a-- he sound like a-- like a" "Oh, so like a wolf." "Okay, well, I happen to think that there is a bigfoot." "Well, there isn't." "Keep dreaming." "There ain't nothin' around here except nothing'." "You don't know." "So there's-- -no." "There's a possibility in that head." "Well, yeah." "Well, yeah, there's gorillas." "There's all kinds of animals." "No, man, it's not like a wolf." "I mean, it was more like a-- like a-- oh!" "Like a growl." "Oh." "Like a-- like a" "So, like a bear." "If we wanted to find bigfoot, where would you suggest we go?" "Oh, you gotta go talk to Willie ray." "Yeah." "I don't believe in everything I see." "You believe in loch ness monster?" "I do." "Rumor has it bigfoot smells like a wet dog." "Have you ever experienced a wet dog smell?" "Yeah, there's wet dogs around here." "Oh." "They smell like wet dogs." "You ever heard, um, like a- like a cat in heat get real scared?" "Never." "Like a, um-- like a-- like a" "So, junior, what you're saying is it was a cat?" "Come on, it's okay, buddy, it was a cat." "If you need any help with any of the filming here," "I'd be, you know, absolutely" "Oh, are you a filmmaker?" "No." "Oh." "If you ever actually see bigfoot..." "Yeah?" "Please, just give us a call." "Again, you mean?" "Was it a cat?" "It was a cat?" "Well, uh- well, it probably was a cat." "Yeah, see, it was a cat." "Thank you so much, junior." "It was a cat." "Thank you for your time." " Nice to meet you, Rambo." "Hey, Steve, i was thinking, since moose got a turn, can I try?" "I don't know, Mickey, i don't think that would be such a good idea." "And action!" "Sir..." " How tall are you?" " Cut." "I get so nervous." "So, we are now on our way to Willie Ray's house." "Willie Ray's been mentioned by a couple of the locals a few times already, so we definitely had to go talk to him." "Apparently he's had a few run-ins with the alleged beast." "Any information he can give us will be very helpful in the on-going search for the mystic monster." "Mystic monster!" "Man, you just gave me goosebumps!" "Yeah, and if my directions are correct, we should be there fairly shortly." " Stop!" " No!" " Stop the car, Jamie!" " No, what?" " Shh." "Quiet!" " Of course." "What is it?" "Of course." "Maybe he has to go to the bathroom or something," "Oh, scared me." "Am I bleeding?" "I don't know." "No." "Just looks crooked." "No, it doesn't." "I think that's how it normally looks." "I don't see anything over there." "Steve, what is it?" "I saw him." " Ah, here we go." "" "Moose, did you see him?" " Yeah, I did, didn't you?" "" "No." "That leprechaun that was riding that unicorn," " he was right next to it." " Shut up, moose." " Really?" " Yeah." "I mean, I mean i think I saw him." "It was just over there." "You guys didn't see anything?" " No." " No." "Okay, so you're not sure?" "No." "Hey, Steve, none of us saw a goddamn thing." "So get in the car, and let's go!" "Yeah." "All right, here we are." "This is scary." "Don't sing the "nightmare on elm street" song." "Okay, shh." "All right, everybody got their stuff?" "Yeah." "Oh, my god, it's Jeffrey dahmer's house." " Great Steve." "" "It's not Jeffrey dahmer's house." "Okay, well, maybe it's Ted Bundy's." "Okay, let's just go." "Or the btk killer." "Ooh, maybe the night stalker." " Moose, stop it!" " Lower your voice." "Lower your face." "All right, guys, let's all stay professional." "What the hell do you want?" "Uh, hi, Mr. ray." "Yeah, that's Willie ray." "Willie ray, right." "Uh, I'm Steve." "Or captain Steve." "You don't have to call me that." "Just Steve would be fine." "This is Jamie, and Mickey-- just state your goddamn business." "Okay." "Many of the locals have said that you've encountered bigfoot several times and we're a documentary crew, hence the cameras." "We were just wondering if we could have some information on bigfoot for our film." "I think you oughta take your cameras and leave." "Okay, we'll do that." "It's just if there's any information you have about bigfoot, then-- get outta here right now." "Let's just go, Steve." "Okay, okay, yeah, we're gonna go." "Thank you." "I'm kidding ya!" "I kidding ya!" "I kidding ya!" "He lives about two miles west of here." "What?" "Yeah, yeah." " Wow." " Oh, god." "I got you!" "I got you!" "I think I might need a new pair of pants." " I'm serious." "" "Oh, my god, it smells like shit." "That was good." "That was good." "So you actually have information on bigfoot?" "Yeah, that old so and so, son of a bitch owes me 20 bucks." "He what?" "Oh, no, he's gonna pay, and all that." "Don't go putting anything negative in your movie about him, like he don't pay his bills or nothin'." "He does, he will." "Look, come on in and we'll talk about it." "Yeah, hey, we'll get your friend a new pair of pants." "Somebody go caca caca poo poo." "That would be great." " Ah-ha!" " Okay." "All right!" "Come on in!" "Yeah, we're gonna have some fun tonight" "I got my specialty cooking for dinner." " Oh, yeah!" " Great." "All right." "Sit down." "Take it easy." "I'll do this." "Okay, Jamie, why don't you put your camera where moose is." "I have a feeling this is gonna be really good." "I have a feeling I'm gonna be sick." "Uh, what's your guys' favorite way to die?" "Don't say that." " All better?" " Feel like a grand piano." "All right, it's looking fine in there." "Looking fine." "I'm making plenty of food, folks, so y'all have to stay for dinner." "Well, that's awfully nice of you." "We'll consider it." "Thank you." "Oh, good." "I'm glad." "Okay, so we're gonna ask you a couple questions about bigfoot, and all we ask is that you are open and honest." "Any stories or details you have would be greatly appreciated." "Is that okay with you?" "Oh, yeah." "That's more than okay." "Go ahead, shoot." "All right." "My friend." "Everybody ready?" "Speeding." " All systems go." " Looks good." "Great." "So, Willie ray, many of the locals we've talked to have said that you have had several encounters with bigfoot," "is that true?" "Yeah, he comes around here from time to time." "Wait, here?" "Yeah, here, sure." "Wow, okay." "Let me ask you this." "If we were to go searching for bigfoot, do you think that there's a good chance that we would actually find him?" "Yeah, that might happen, but he might find you, too." "You know, I tell you, the thing is-- you gonna smell him before anything else, before you see him and all that." "You know, he'd be a mile away and you'd smell him." "I mean, hell, I smell his ass all the time." "Smell his ass." "Okay, guys, all right, yeah, okay." "Moving on." "So if we smell him that means we're close." "We've been told that he smells kinda like a wet dog." "No, no, no, no." "Heard that, that's bullshit." "That's bullshit!" "Hear that?" "No, it's like, oh, what's that smell?" "Oh, you ever smell that, eh...." "Passion fruit!" "Oh, he smells like passion fruit?" "I didn't say that!" "Don't put words in my mouth, boy!" "I just asked if you ever smelled passion fruit." "Uh, yes, we're sorry about that." "And we have definitely smelled passion fruit." "All right then." "He smells a lot like passion fruit." "Okay, Willie ray, earlier you had mentioned that bigfoot owes you $20." "Yup, yeah, yeah, yeah." " Right, so" " Yeah, we need you to explain that to us." "Well, yeah." "He's gonna pay." "I mean, I wanna get one thing clear right now, he ain't a welcher." " Bigfoot ain't a welcher." " Okay." "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm." "Ah, right, yeah, we got that part," "but why does bigfoot owe-- -oh!" "Why, you said." "Why?" "Why?" "Well, you know, i tell you why." "He likes to play a lot of board games." "Like candyland, and checkers, and mousetrap, and all sorts of what-have-yous." "And, well, one night we got to playing sorry." "You ever play the game sorry?" " Never." "" "Yes, yes, we all have." "That's a good one, yeah." "You'd like it." "So, one day, I whooped his ass in sorry." "And, you know, but it was a healthy wager." "I mean, nobody's getting hurt and all that." "It's just all friendly." "Mm, that's interesting." "Um, Willie ray, i really hate to be forward, well, better than being backwards." "He's right." "That's right." "That's right!" "I don't know what that means." "Hey, wait a minute!" " What day is it?" " It's Tuesday." "The 8th!" "Uh, the 21st." "Right, exactly!" "You guys are in luck." "Bigfoot's coming here tonight." " What?" " Really?" "Right, if my memory serves me right." "Okay, look, I have to say something." "Willie, you don't really speak to bigfoot." "You're just a crazy person, no offense." "Offense taken, you big fat tub of lard." "Now, hang on a minute." "I am friends with Mr. foot." "And I'm tired of you city folk coming up here" " and calling us pancakes." " Pancakes?" "Here we go." "Here you go." "Feast your eyes on that." "Oh, my god." "Look, this is ridiculous." "Well, I wanna see." "Whoa!" "Is that real?" "Of course it's real." "Are monkey pigeons real?" " What the hell is a monkey pigeon?" "" "Steve, come on!" "And you're saying that bigfoot is coming here tonight?" "Yeah, he's coming here tonight." "I'm just lucky i made enough food." "Oh, my stew!" " Okay, can I have a word with everybody?" "" "Of course." " We are leaving, right?" " Yes, yes." "No way." "No, this photo is everything," "That photo is nothing, man." "Are you kidding me?" "My god, Steve, that could be a guy in a costume." "This could be a guy in a costume, but it could also be real, guys." "We have got something here." " Yeah, and who took that photo?" "" "Yeah." "Can we please leave before he comes back?" "No!" "He's harmless." "He's kooky, yes, but he's harmless." "Steve, I know he's harmless," "but do you hear what this man is saying?" "Of course." "It's absolutely beyond ridiculous." "He is out there." "He's like cocoa puffs crazy, dude." "And who the hell is calling him pancake?" "Jamie, I think we have to entertain the idea that bigfoot is coming here tonight!" "Steve, are you listening to yourself?" "Why are we here?" "If we don't think this is possible," " then why are we here?" " I don't know." "Hey, he's a nice guy." "Look at these awesome pants he gave me." "Shut up!" "Shut up!" "I am not eating raccoon soup or whatever the hell it is that he is making in there." "We are leaving now!" "Yeah, well, he insulted me, but I am kinda hungry." "Yeah, my mind's saying no, but my tummy's saying yes right now." "I hate you both." "We are staying and that's final." "All right." "Willie ray!" "Ah, we are definitely going to stay for a little bit, if that's cool." "I'm happy about that." "Great." "Yeah." "Just so you know, little lady, I'm not making raccoon soup." "I'm making squirrel stew." "There's a big difference in the broth." "It's thicker." "Don't worry your pretty little head about that, okay?" "Er, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah." "She's not worried." "I can't wait." "Oh, god." "I'm nauseous." "I was kinda hoping for raccoon soup." "It sounds exotic, huh?" "Yeah, you know what's exotic?" " What?" " Your pants." " Whoa!" "" "Dude, those are awesome." "Hey, can I ask you one question real quick?" "Sure." "Are you two legit to quit?" "Yeah, hey, you know how many dates you're gonna get with those pants?" " How many?" " None." "Willie ray, this is goo-ood." "Yeah, it really is not that bad, huh?" "Oh, that's nice of you." "Hey, what are them?" "Oh, these?" "I love these." "Willie ray, you've never had a gummy bear before?" "No!" "Oh, this is gonna blow your mind." "Those are good!" "Yeah!" "Hey, I want you to have these." "No, really?" "Seriously." "Thank you for the pants." "I insist." "Oh, well, thank you." "You're welcome." "That's really nice of you." "Boy, oh, boy, I'm gonna have one, so-- oh, man." "He's always running late." "You don't say." "He's always running fake." "Nice." "That's funny." "Thank you, sir." "Is there usually a specific time he-- you know, like I said, you gonna smell it." "You're gonna start to smell it." "Maybe we should open the windows." "That was a waste of a night." "Yeah." "Well, he might have said Wednesday at 8:00." " No can, thank you." "" "Thanks for the pants, Willie ray!" " Oh, yeah, have fun." "" "Jesus." "Hey, Jamie, where are we going today?" "Georgia tech." "Oh, yeah." " Unless." "" "Unless we go home now." "You're the boss." "Guys, I really wanna find the beast." " Ooh, me too!" " Oh, shoot me now." "Mickey, I love your spirit." "And moose, what else do you have to do?" "Uh, well, I, what's the point?" "Steve, look, I can't." "I called your boss and he's cool." "You have the next three weeks off." "What?" "Guys, come on!" "We could do something epic here." "I believe them." "They've seen bigfoot, so why can't we?" "Steve, I don't know." "Hey, I cannot wait to find bigfoot." "Yeah, well, don't keep your hopes up, buddy." "Spoiler alert." "There isn't one." "You don't know that, moose." "Oh, I'm sure to goddamn sure, I do." "Hey, i think he's out there." "I really do." "And we might not find him, but he's out there," " and that is a fact." " Oh, that's a fact?" "I'm sorry." "What does he look like, since you've seen him?" "I haven't seen him, but other people have." "20 million people in this world and they never have a camera ready?" "Interesting." "There are more than 20 million people in this world, moron." "Good." "There's plenty of pictures." "You saw one." "Bigfoot doesn't go whitewater rafting, Mickey, come on!" "How do you know, moose?" "Oh, okay, well, here's a picture" "I just found of Neil Armstrong and bigfoot together on the moon." "Oh, here he is with tennis great, martina navratilova." "There is no bigfoot!" "Oh, yeah, you willing to put a little money on that, moose?" "Steve." "Oh, it's getting real, guys." "No, no, no, hear me out." "If you guys decide to really investigate with me for the next two weeks, and we don't find bigfoot, then I am willing to give you all $1,000." "Each?" "Yeah, each." "You don't even have half that money, Steve." "That's about all the money I have." "I'm in." "We are going to find him, Mickey." "Oh, this is gonna be great." "Jamie." "No." "I need you." "No, no." "I don't think I can do this without you." "I don't think I can." "Steve." "What do you say?" "Please?" "It'll be fun, I promise you." "Oh." "I swear." "Oh." "Do not make me regret this." "Yes!" "Okay?" "All right, my god, you owe me." "I will owe you everything you want." "You owe me big." "Moose, what do you say?" "You don't wanna let the team down, do you?" " Two weeks?" " Two weeks." "Or until we find him." "Whichever comes first." "Two weeks and $1,000?" "$1,000." "1,000 clams, cheddar with bacon." "A hundred thousand pennies." "Lot of Benjamins coming your way, in your wallet, read 'em and weep." "Or don't cry." "Whatever you wanna do." "Just 1,000 big gold" "$1,000, Steve?" "That's what you were talking about?" " That's fine." " You're on." "I have it." "Okay." "This won't be that bad, right?" "Are you kidding me?" "This is going to be the time of our lives." "You better pay up." "I'm a man of my word." "Sign here." "And here." "Where did you get these contracts so fast?" "Oh, it doesn't matter." "I feel like I should read this first." "Nope." "Sign here." "Mickey, make sure you come to dinner." "Hey, that's a grandma thing." "No." "Jeez, a little help would be nice here." "This is right for you." "Shut up." "Yeah." "Enjoy yourself." "I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle." ""Terminator 2", man." "Dude, yeah." "I was just quiet because it was shocking." "How good it was, man." "You give it a try." "There we got the rope, and the two bags here, the two bags down here, the sleeping bag, two sleeping bags." "I need you clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle." "I'm supposed to be Christopher walken." "What's the damage?" "And the rifle." "No, no, no, nope, no rifle." "No rifle." "Help me." "Help, I'm caught." "Oh, look, I caught the cutest butterfly ever." "Let me out." "Okay." "I can't get it off." "Okay." "Seriously, dude." "We're looking for bigfoot." "For bigfoot?" "Yeah." "You're probably all gonna die." "You guys ready?" "Yes, me liege." "Ready as I'll ever be." "Let's get this crap over with." "Let's set up over here, huh, Jamie?" "Copy that." "All right, here we are in the eerie woods of calamityville, Georgia." "Our official search begins now." "For two weeks it's just us and the unpredictable wilderness." "We've got our food, our equipment, our tents, and Mickey has got the map." "We will soon find out what awaits us in this dreaded forest." "Ladies and gentlemen, project bigfoot is underway." "Stay tuned." "Yeah, I don't have it." "You lost the map!" "Dude!" "That is so not cool." "I am so sorry." "We haven't even gotten into the wilderness yet," "and you lost the map?" "I know, I'm really sorry." "Do we even need a map?" "I mean, how big are the woods?" "Uh, 24.6 square miles." "That's how big, moose!" " Idiot." "All right, everyone just relax." "We're gonna go into town and we'll buy a new map." "Problem solved, Steve." "Oh, problem solved, Steve." "Problem solved?" "Mickey, I highlighted and organized the entire thing." "I outlined the most time efficient routes we should take." "I detailed the terrain, i drew up hot spots." "I constructed an entire..." "Ah, look at him." "He's like a lost little boy running to his mama." "All right, first things first." "Be on the lookout for any footprints, unusual hairs, or droppings." " What?" " He means poop." "Right, Steve?" "That's right." "It has been said that bigfoot has a red tint to his incredibly large feces." "Gross." "Stay on the lookout, be sharp." "This is the start of what will be a life-changing event." " Sorry, bud." " Watch out, Mickey." "You lost the camera?" "Dude, that is so not cool." "I am so sorry, Steve." "How am I supposed to do a documentary without a camera?" "Oh, I know, Mickey," "I'll just tell people it happened." "You're a great storyteller." " Sure." " No, he's not." "Oh, wait, here it is, guys." "I found the camera." " Oh, man, total thank you." "Crisis averted." "Actually, it's gonna start getting dark pretty soon," "so we should probably set up camp." "Oh, yeah." "And this is very important guys," "I want one camera rolling at all times." "You never know when he may appear." "Agreed?" "No, it's not gonna happen." "Totally." "Moose, you know how to set up a tent?" "I think I can handle it, sweetheart." "Okay, that-- great, you go and do that, and Mickey, you go get some firewood, all right?" "Steve and I, we're gonna finish unpacking, yeah?" "Moose, you help me, i help you?" "Okay, cool." "Okay, um, firewood's the same as real wood, right?" "You're kidding, right?" "Yeah." "Okay, and then it should just snap into place." "Oh." "Got it?" "Yeah, got it." "Do you think you can handle that, sweetheart?" "Good one." "All right, where's the other one?" "The other what?" "The other tent." "Oh, no, no, no." "This should be fine." "It says it sleeps four." "Thank you for coming, Jamie." "I owe you big." "You know, I could do a lot with $1,000." "Yeah, where are you gonna get $1,000?" "Oh, very funny." "Moose, what would you do with $1,000?" "Start my own production company." "Set up a meeting with m." "Knight," "and then-- -wow." "They're on our tail!" "I'll get you blood brotherz!" "Come on, little brother, let's go!" "I found an abandoned house." "Let's hide!" "That place is perfect." "Thanks, big bro, blood brotherz for life." "Yeah, man." "Blood brotherz for life." "Wow, the guard!" "He's found our hideout." "Run!" "So this is where we decided to set up camp for the night." "And this is our fire." "Hot set, everybody, hot set." "I am on fire." "This is our luxurious tent, which is almost like sleeping in a hotel." "And here is the amazing Jamie reading a book." "Oh, Jamie, do you have anything to say about our first day on the hunt?" "I can't believe I'm really doing this." "Great, well said." "This is the rest of our camp that-  why are we not taking care of our maps?" "" "Psst, Steve." "Oh, and there's Mickey and moose in a tree for some reason." "What is it?" "Okay, so, moose thinks he's got a better shot of getting with Jamie than I do, but I disagree." " I could totally bang her if I wanted to." "" "Oh." "He's got the confidence, but I got the charm." "I mean, what do you think?" "I think we have a duty as gentlemen to" "Doodie, right?" "Oh, yeah, of course." "Really?" "That's exactly what I was gonna say." "We have a-- we have an obligation." "Obligation." "That's not as funny." "As professionals to keep this on the level, okay?" " There is a lady in our midst." "Where are you going?" " Good point." "Moose, ugh, god." "Do you like what you see?" "Get away from me." "Your loss." "Oh, man." "Dude, I don't even feel like I should go." "Get out there, dude, get out there." "Go." " You guys didn't plan this very well, did you?" "" "No." "Hey, Jamie, apparently there's this rabid bear running through the woods just killing people." "They found a kid's head and guts, and basically, honestly, i wouldn't hold it against you if you wanna sleep in my sleeping bag." "No." "Okay." "What are you reading?" "Go away, you little shit." "Mm, yeah, got ya, heard you." " Oh, that was painful, dude." "Yeah, man." "That's gonna be a tough nut to crack, huh?" "Well, she can crack my nuts." "He's so good at this." "Yeah, that's wonderful." "I'm going to sleep, guys." "I think you should do the same." "Get some rest." "We're gonna have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." "Day three is officially complete." "Our first official day in the search for bigfoot is in the books." "I look forward to tomorrow." "I'm captain Steve signing off." " Stay tuned." "" "Quit calling yourself captain Steve." "All right." "Good morning." "Good morning." "Oh, you made breakfast!" "Yup." "Bacon and eggs." "Nice." "Hey, Steve, Jamie made breakfast." "Yeah, I know." "She's amazing." "I didn't buy bacon and eggs." "Uh, you didn't." "I did." "All you bought were twinkies and ice pops." "That's for drinking water now." "Whatever, just eat your breakfast." "I think I'm in love." "What?" "Uh, you-- you fit like a glove." "Egg me." "You know we have plates." "Oh, I don't need to be fancy." "Is this Turkey bacon?" "Yes." "Wild audio recordings day four." "Location 82.24 degrees latitude, 34.16 degrees longitude." "Time is approximately... 2:39 pm eastern standard time." "Temperature is 74 degrees fahrenheit." "There's a current breeze of two to three inches moving-- that is a lot of information, Steve." "That is a lot of information." "I was just thinking that as I was saying the Wes-- what was that?" "Shh." "What was that?" "Did you guys hear that?" "I think I farted, Steve." "Yeah, yeah, you did." "Let's move out!" "Get away from the smell." "Hey, Jamie." "Hey, Jamie!" "What, moose?" "Do you have a boyfriend?" "Wow, uh, no, I do not." "Really?" "That's cool, man." "Hey, how about you and me go behind that tree over there" "and we bang?" "How about you go kill yourself?" "Oh-ho." "How about we go behind that tree, we bang," "and then I kill myself?" "Yeah, I'll think about it." "Nice." "Progress." "Moose!" "I got wood." "So do I." " All right, the campsite looks pretty good for now." "We'll move west tomorrow." "Hey, let's have some drinks tonight." "Yeah!" "I don't know, guys." "I don't think that's such a good idea." "Yeah." "I could really use a drink." "I think you could too, there, captain." "Come on, stevesy." "Steve, Steve." "Steve!" "Steve!" "Steve!" "All right, all right, all right, let's have some beers." "Whoo!" "You forgot all of it?" "Everything." "It's probably for the best." "I'm going hunting." "Sweet." "All right, but be back before it gets dark." "No." "And take the b cam in case you come across anything." "Yeah, like beer." "Oh, burn!" "Wow!" "Jamie, you wanna go look over this map again?" "Sure." "I'm telling you, moose, it was right over there." "I didn't see a thing." "Why can't I get this thing to focus?" "We need to get our money back." "You do not know how to use a camera." "Yeah, I do." "Look at this." " Zoom." " Why are you saying zoom?" "Oh, my god!" "It's right there!" "Did you not see that?" "No, I didn't." "I'm going back to camp." "Wait for me." "Ah, damn it!" "Do you smell something?" " No!" "" "Nothing out of the ordinary." "Kinda." "Yes!" "You smell something, don't you?" "Ah..." "Tell me what it is, Mickey." "Ah..." "Tell me!" "Pizza?" "You smell pizza?" "Yeah, kinda, but with pepperoni." "How do you smell pizza out here in the middle of the woods?" "I..." "He smells pizza." "I thought I smelled pizza, Jamie." "I know you did." "Oh, and Willie Ray's stew, as well." "It's still in your mustache." "I'll be damned, it's still in my mustache." "Hey, Steve, false alarm!" "It was my mustache the whole time, bud." "So the brother comes back to life." " He comes back?" " Yeah, he's back?" " I thought he was dead." " Yeah, no, he's not." "He's a cyborg." "No way." "I mean, this stuff just comes to me." "And then it's off in the future, and, like, they're after the security guard, but they realize he's not a security guard," "he's just from the future." "Don't go all Hollywood on us." "Hey, what if I end up being, like, your adopted brother in it?" "And then what happens is..." "Okay, whenever you're ready, Steve." "Day 10, the hunt continues." "Though I think we've been close-- -stop it!" "It was moose." "God, you creeps." "Are we finished?" "Jesus." "Action!" "No, Mickey." "See, that's either Jamie-- -and action!" "Day 10, the hunt continues." "Though I think we've been close, we have yet to produce any kind of evidence, so we continue to march on." "Now nobody said this was going to be easy, but we still have one week left." "We're constantly surrounded by odd smells and sounds that could very easily belong to the elusive creature." "We've covered about five square miles, and unfortunately, thus far, the findings have been scarce." "We don't have any findings." "My relentless team and i will continue this pursuit until its end." "We will not rest until our mission is complete." "For moose, Jamie, and Mickey, I'm captain Steve signing off." "Stay tuned." "And cut." "We'll just have your cousin cut there." "Yeah, he's good." "All right, check the gate!" "God, my ear." "It's not your job." "Whoa, wow, okay, that's a-- that's a toughie." "Um, what is that?" "Right?" "Uh..." "I think Shakespeare put it best, when he said that love, called by any other name," "is still a rose." "Yeah, that's-- that's definitely not right." "Yeah, it's something like that." "No, not at all." "I've never read it." "What about you, moose?" "You ever been in love?" "Thank you for asking." "Yeah, yeah, once, huh." "Oh, man, I remember the first time" "I sat next to her on the bus." "I knew I was in love." "Oh, we were together all the time, me and her." "She was that kinda girl that just understood me, you know?" "My gosh, that's so sweet?" "What happened?" "Well, we got older, and she went and did her own thing and I went my own way, played college football, and I was in the army for a little while." "The army?" "Yeah, yeah." "Oh, god, really?" "Yeah." "A lot of stuff went down there." "But not a day went by..." "That I didn't think about her." "It made me live." "And afterwards I went home and she wasn't there, but I waited for her." "I waited for her every day." "I even heard whispers of knocks on the door until one day it was real." "And I ran down as fast as I could, and I opened it, and there she was." "And then she told me she was sick." "Oh, my god." "And that she wanted to get married." " I knew at that point." " "Forrest Gump"!" "Wait, what?" "Yeah, that's "Forrest Gump," none of that is true." "What?" "Really, moose?" "No, don't judge me." " Oh, my god." " I'm going to sleep." "Really moose?" "That's so funny." "I think that's a great idea." "I think we should go to bed." "I think it's a good idea if you just stop talking." "All right?" "It's ridiculous." "Jamie," "You shot me in the buttocks, lieutenant Jamie." "I see what we did." "I might not be a smart man, but I know a box of chocolates when I see" "No, that's not even close." "That's not a quote of dialogue from that movie." "Guys!" "Guys, wake up!" "Oh, this better be good, Steve." " What?" " Ow!" "Listen." "He moans." "What moans?" "Oh, shit, that's him." "Oh, wow." "Oh, give me a break." "You don't hear that, moose?" "No." "You getting that?" "Oh, yeah, he's howling all right." "So, bigfoot's the only thing that howls in this forest." "Moose, that is the howl, of the very beast we're looking for." "Mickey, stop pointing that thing in my face every time you hear a noise." " I'm sorry!" " Shh." "This is stupid." "Shh." "What are you, librarians?" " That is definitely him." "There's absolutely no way that could be bigfoot." "I'm bigfoot." " Oh, oh, come on!" " That's him!" " That's bigfoot!" " That's ridiculous." "I'm getting out of here!" "Please, no, Steve." "Let me out of here." "I wish to see him with my own eyes!" " No, it's not safe." " We've come this far!" " It's ridiculous." " I can't leave!" " Get off of me." " Shut up." "Unless something unzips this tent, y'all better not wake me up." "Good night." "He can't get in here, Steve, can he?" "Yeah, probably, if he wants to get in, he can get in." "Mickey, it's very, very unlikely, okay?" "Yeah, it's probably unlikely, just listen to Jamie." "Just in case, Jamie, can I sleep" "in your sleeping bag?" "No." " Okay." " Wow." "Oh, that was exciting." "How can you guys get back to sleep?" "I'm gonna leave this camera on just in case it catches any more audio." "Shh." "Stop it, Mickey!" "Sorry, I get restless hands syndrome." "I left all my medicine at home." " Jamie." " Jamie." "He's here." "I know he's here." "Stalking us." "Taunting us." "Toying with us." "The very hairs on the back of my neck are always at attention because I know at any given second he can show himself." "I have to be ready." "I've been waiting for this life-changing moment" " for as long as i can remember." "Oh, what was that?" "Show yourself!" "I'm here!" "I'm ready!" "Show yourself, you monster!" "You beast!" "Oh, oh!" "Jamie!" "Hi, Steve!" "Hi." "What are you doing out here on your own?" " You know the rules?" " Of course I know the rules." "I made them up." "I was just trying for a stealth-like approach, that's all." "Oh, any luck?" "Luck has nothing to do with it, Jamie." "Luck is chance." "A wish or a hope based on some imminent sense of defeat." "That's not what this is." "This is fate." "We are here for a reason." "Destiny." "We are destined to be here." "To find him." "Luck is a maybe, and we are definitely going to find him." "Do you understand?" "Uh, yes?" "Good." "Come on!" "Let's go rally the troops." " Are we rolling?" " Yup, why?" "What are you gonna do?" "I'm gonna do what Steve does." "Talk and stuff." "Numbers, equations, facts." "Why would you do that?" "You're bad at it." "Oh, yeah?" "How's this for bad?" "We're at latitude 10-6 Harvard." "It is cloudy, fog." "Footprint taste... muddy." "All right, all I'm saying, and you're proving it right now, is that you're really bad at this." "Okay, all I'm saying is you don't have to say how you feel all the time, 'cause it hurts peoples' feelings sometimes." "What are you guys doing?" "Oh, man." "Mickey thinks he found a footprint." "I did find it." "Steve, you can see it." "Really?" "Yeah." "What do you think?" " Good work, Mickey." " That could be anything." "A footprint this large could only belong to one thing." " A large man." "" "You really think so, Steve?" "It must be." "Hey, I have one question." "Why is there only one footprint?" "What do you mean?" "Well, every time someone finds a big footprint, there's only one," "I mean, is there some sort of one-legged gimp gorilla" "hopping around somewhere?" "Yeah, that's a good question, Steve." "Is there a one-legged gimp gorilla just hopping around?" "Don't you see, Mickey?" "Don't you all see what he's doing?" "Hopscotch?" "He's playing with us." "Oh, my gosh, give me my money now." "There's a very good reason very few people ever get a glimpse." "A bigfoot gets big because he's never caught." "He knows we're on the hunt." "And... he knows we know he's close." "He wails, he moans." "I know he's here, but where?" "Goddamn it, where?" "The very scent of his mangy hair will forever lie in the nostrils I call my own." "The very moan he taunts me with will haunt me for an eternity." " I must find him, I must." " Hey, Steve?" "You better check yourself before you wreck yourself, man." "I should go get measurements." "Hey, Steve, how do you come up with those speeches, man?" "What speeches?" "Hey, Mickey!" "Hey, Jamie." "Hey." "Hey, you want one?" "No, thanks." "Not too mushy." "No, thanks." "Hey, you ever read "Moby dick"?" "What is that?" "No." "You know? "Moby dick"?" "What is that?" "Captain ahab." "Sounds like some sort of a gay comic book?" "The adventures of captain dick." "What?" "No, Mickey." "The white whale?" "Are you making this up right now?" "Oh, my god." "Never mind." "But, Jamie, we can read it together." "Hey!" "Yeah?" "Hey, you want me to grab it?" "Moose, I really need to talk to you." "Oh, yeah, you wanna go in the tent and get a little bit" "more comfortable?" "Jesus, I'm surrounded by idiots and assholes." "Ooh, that would be a good band name, right?" "Here to the stage, idiots and assholes look, I need to talk to you about Steve." "Hey, Jamie, if you ever wanna go to a concert, we can go to the old og, the olive garden, get a little meal, have a little bit of wine, maybe have a midnight kiss." "I'm not sure." "I don't know what's gonna happen after that." "That sounds like a great plan." "Oh, my god." "Enough!" "Enough!" "All right?" "I'm so sick of you guys trying to bang me or whatever." " It's bang." " Jesus." "It's like you've never seen a girl before." "None as pretty as you." "Well, you know what?" "I have news for you, all right?" "I'm gay." " What?" " Yeah." " Really?" " I'm gay." "I'm a lesbian." "Wait, you're a gay lesbian." "Oh, so that cross cancels, so you're actually straight." "Game on." "No, I don't-- i don't like guys." "Okay?" "You get it?" "But you tickle some guys." "You know what?" "I really wanna punch you in the face right now." " Bring it." " Wow!" " A lesbian." " Full lesbian." "Did not see that one coming." " Challenge." " Accepted." "Gonna turn this one around." " Yeah." " Bomber." "She's not a lesbian." "No, not at all." "What is she thinking?" "Hey, Jamie could you help me out real quick ?" " No, way in hell." " Oh." "Tough love." "Love it." "All right!" "I'll do it myself." "Here we go." "Set this on up." "Um, heat vision off, night vision off, excellent." "Tightening, good." "Here we go." "Action." "Hey, everybody!" "This is assistant captain Mickey over here." "Soon to hopefully be captain Mickey, and I'll tell you why." "Found a footprint the other day, yup, moving on up in the world." "Next thing you know I'll probably have a girlfriend or something serious like that." "Yeah, the group, we're traveling about 3.5 miles an hour." "Precipitation in the clouds is about 33%, which is good." "It's above average, and I like that." "Are we gonna bigfoot?" "Let me ask you something?" "Does this look like the face of a man who's not gonna find bigfoot?" "What do you see when you look at this?" "You see determination." "You see power." "Maybe see a guy who's a little hungry." "We've not really had a lot of meals lately, but, above all, you see someone who's gonna make it happen." "This is captain Mickey signing out." "Jamie, what do you think?" "Were you happy with that?" "Uh, yeah." "What do you think?" "Yeah, it looked great." "Okay, so we've got a few more miles to cover." "I just hope everyone comes out of this alive and with their sanity." "Hey, have you guys seen my gummy bears?" "I had a couple of packs left." "No, I haven't." "Hey, moose, have you seen my gummy bears, man?" "Huh?" " What are you doing?" " Oh, no." "Just checking out the trail." "It's all uphill, dude." "You went in my bag, and you stole this." "Dude, I'll buy you some more." "Mickey, Jesus, really?" "You don't get it, do you?" "No, I don't." "They're like $2 a pack." "I'll get you more." "I would never do this to you, moose." "Are you serious right now?" "I thought you were my friend, man." "I am your friend." "Mick, come on, dude!" "Mickey!" "Asshole." "Okay, guys, we're going north." "Let's pack up." "We're close." " Are we rolling yet?" " Always." "Good." "I feel like something's gonna happen any minute." "Don't stop shooting." "Here they come to the stage, idiots and assholes," "come on, Mickey!" "Shh." "Be on alert." "Shut up, Steve." "Remember, don't stop shooting." "We're close." "I can" " Uh, are those night vision binoculars?" "No." "Not at all." "I can't see anything," "Okay, maybe you should rest for a second." "Did Columbus rest, Jamie?" "Yeah, probably." "Hey, Mickey, come on, man, you can't sleep out here tonight." "Dude, don't ignore me, it's rude." "Shh, maybe he's sleeping." "I'm not sleeping." "I just don't talk to thieves!" "Uh, come on, this is ridiculous." "It's gonna be cold out tonight." "Fine, look, I'll stay out here tonight." "You shouldn't have to." "Did you hear me, man?" "I said I'll stay out here." "Good." "You find your balance." "Oop, oh!" "I saw that coming." "Get up." "Look, no, I don't want a thief to help me up." "Jamie?" "Was that you helping me up?" "No, that was moose." "Don't touch me!" "Get your filthy thieving hands off of me!" "They're not on you." "Jamie, is he touching me?" "No." "Do you wanna touch me?" "Good night, Mickey." "Good night, Jamie." "Dickhead." "Here." "Thanks, Mickey." "Well, jeez." "F you." "You know, moose, i think we all need some rest." "He needs to not be mad at me." "I mean, oh, my god, the world's gonna end because I ate a couple of his gummy bears." "You stole them!" "Oh, you know what?" "We get it, dude." "I just wanna go home." "We all do." "Well, some of us." "Aw, come on, you guys aren't gonna miss this?" "All the fresh air, the thrill of the hunt?" "Huh?" "Chasing after history?" "This whole bonding experience?" "The instinct of human survival coursing through our bodies?" "No." "I'm not gonna miss any of that." "None of it." "Fresh air, maybe." "I love it right here." "Nature." "Living off the land." "Just like life was intended to be." "This is it right here." "Dude, Steve, we had Capri suns for lunch, man." "Capri suns." "Whoa!" "What was that?" "Did you hear that?" "Sorry, Steve." "Oh, yeah, okay, i smell that." " Good one, buddy." " Wow." "I'm not your buddy." "Oh, you're talking to me now." "No, I'm not!" "Okay, well, at least we're headed in the right direction." "We still have a couple miles left." "Tomorrow morning we'll head that way." "Guys, I hope you're prepared for what's about to happen." "Our lives are totally gonna change." "The one thing that will be synonymous with bigfoot from here on out will be our names." "I can feel it." "He's close." "I wouldn't be surprised if he was right over there." "Ah, over there somewheres." "Who are you supposed to be Michael joneses?" " Over there somewheres." " Somewheres." "Those guys were nuts." "Yeah, remember when that guy tried to kill us?" "Oh!" "I hope that was bigfoot." "No, no, it definitely wasn't him." "It didn't sound like him." " Okay, I'm going to sleep." " Me, too." "" "Uh, me, three, yep, let's all get in the tent." "Hey, guys, i was just thinking" "Hey!" "Don't let him in here!" "Come on, Mickey, it's gonna be cold out, like sub zero temperature." "Sorry, moose, maybe next time you'll keep your grubby paws to yourself." " Grubby?" "" "You'll be okay, probably." "Hey, Jamie, grubby paws, that was a good one." "Thanks, Mickey." "All right, lights out." "Dude, I think I heard something out here." " Oh, it was nothing." " Yeah, yeah." "Good night everybody in the tent." "Good night, dudes and dudette." "It's so nice out here because of the nice gentle breeze." " It's like a blanket." " Reel 'em in." "Oh, dude, a night rainbow." "Oh, there's a total night rainbow out here." "It's like a complete arch." "Hey, moose, keep it down, we're trying to go to bed." "Oh, I'll keep it down, but you have to keep talking cause the night rainbow will go away if you don't keep talking to it." "Me and my blood brothers were thrown into sea." "Then we're 20,000 leagues down when we find Atlantis." "And then Bruce Willis is like the president of Atlantis, and he's like, dudes, you guys gotta get Atlantis back up to the earth." "And like we are on earth." "And he's like, "what?" "This is earth?"" "I'm just spitballing, so, this is" "Moose, seriously, go to sleep." "But one more-- one more thought." "Jeff goldblum is like the secretary of state in Atlantis, and he's like, I'm gonna upload a virus to Atlantis," " and then Atlantis" " Shh." "Okay, so it's been kinda quiet the last couple days, so I'll just give a quick update." "Mickey's still pissed at moose." "They're not talking." "It's actually kinda sad, really." "And Steve goes into this random psycho mode." "I'm kinda worried about what's gonna happen to him after we leave this place." "Oh, and uh, Steve, I know you're gonna hate me, but, uh, yesterday i thought I saw something." "It was like a-- well, I can't really say for sure what it was, but..." "God, I don't know." "I didn't wanna say anything, but maybe I'm losing my mind, too." "Anyway, until next time." "Let me go!" "I saw it." "This is captain Jamie signing off." "I saw it, dude." "He was right there." "God, I'm don't really like the sound of that." "Hey, Steve?" "What?" "You wanna maybe stop and set up?" "No." "Get some rest?" "We have a lot of ground to cover." "Yeah, I know we do, but we're all pretty tired." "Yeah, dude, and I'm hungry." "Well, why don't you eat more gummy bears!" "Mickey, quiet!" "Did you just throw a pine cone at me?" "If I had a grenade you would have blown up." "Stop!" "Relax!" "A grenade?" "God." "Fine, you wanna rest, we can rest." "Hey Mickey, you wanna go get some wild tracks?" "Sure." "Steve, can we talk for a second?" "Moose, why are you not shooting?" "I told you you need to be rolling this whole time." "Okay." "Hey, Steve, am I an asshole?" "Moose, the word asshole can mean so many different things." "Yeah, but what's Mickey's problem?" "I mean, it's just gummy bears, right?" "Not to him." "He loves gummy bears." "That's his thing." "It brings him joy." "Yeah, but that-- you didn't think about how he'd feel, did you?" "No, I didn't think it would be a big deal." "Moose, remember when you were seven or eight, and you had that bike that you loved to ride?" "You would ride that thing every morning until it got dark." " Do you remember?" " Yeah, that chrome diamondback?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "Now imagine if one of your friends, someone you looked up to, someone you trusted took that from you." "Mark Jacobson?" "Oh, that happened to you?" "Yeah, son of a bitch stole my bike." "Okay, we'll, remember how you felt?" "That didn't feel good, did it?" "That is what Mickey is feeling right now." " He looks up to you." " Really?" "Yeah, yeah, he does." "I don't know why, but" "I'll tell you why." "'Cause we're best buds." " You are." "You are best buddies." " Yeah." "You guys are such good friends and I think the-  ah!" "What was that?" " What's happening, dude?" "Uh, a bug just went in my nose and grabbed a piece of my brain or-  and flew away." " Okay, well, look," "I'll just apologize when he gets back." "Cool?" "Yeah, do that." "Oh, my god, Jesus." "What the hell was- hey, good work, Mickey." "Thanks." "Just make sure you log everything, okay?" "I will." "Hey, Mick, did you get everything you needed, the wild stuff?" "Get out of here, gummy bar stealer!" "Come on, Mickey, I was a regular mark Jacobson back there." "You didn't deserve it." "What the hell are you talking about, dude?" "Look, man, I know you love your gummy bears and I shouldn't have eaten them." "I shouldn't have stolen from you." "I just don't want you to be mad at me anymore." "I don't have a lot of friends, dude." "You're like my best friend." "It was all I had left, man." "I know, I know, Mickey, and I promise you I'll buy you, like, five packs when we get back into town, okay?" "Only five?" "No, no, not just five." "What's your favorite number?" "47." "47?" "No, I'll buy you 10." "47, that's ridiculous." "10's cool." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "So are we." "Put that away." "Come here, you lovable son of a bitch." "Oh!" "It was so hard being mad at you." "No, I know." "What's that?" "You know what, Mick?" "$1,000 can buy you" "a whole gummy bear factory." "Really?" " Yeah, dude, and I was thinking, if the market's right," "we'd buy a castle." "Okay." "What is he doing?" "Oh, god." "Stop." "Dude, if we stop, I'm not moving again." " He's here." " Hey, no offense, Steve, but you've said that a few times already, bud." " He's here!" "Okay, Steve, what do you want us to do?" "Did you fart, man?" "It's always a possibility." "Right, I want you two to set up camp here." "With the camera on constant record, set up over there, aiming towards those trees over there." "Copy?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "We get it." "Jamie, I want you to rig the camera up there." "And make it so that it does a 360-degree rotation around the surrounding area." "I want every inch of these woods accounted for." "Um, Steve-- -and I want it to occasionally come down and scan our camp when it senses movement, motion sensors." "The beast is messing with us." "He's here," "Steve, we don't have that kind of equipment or technology to do that, so i-- silence!" "Make it happen, Jamie!" " God." " Do it quickly." "Something's coming." "Good luck with that, sweetheart." "Moose, don't." "Hey, Jamie, if you want, i can help you with that." " No, Mickey, I'm okay." "I'll give you a boost or something." "No." "How's that for 360-motion sensors?" "I wish we could just do it like this." "I can't get it in." "No, dude, no." "Don't start on that one yet." "Why?" "Cause I don't got this one in." "Oh, man, look at this mess of a human being." "Dude, over there." "Get him!" "You're gonna find him, if you just keep looking around with the camera, you're gonna find bigfoot." "You are crazy!" "Hey, so, I think we're down to our last battery." "Uh, I think we should be okay, moose." "Do you think Steve's gonna be okay?" " Oh, yeah, he'll be fine." "Oh, god, I don't know." "Right now he's doing some sort of a native American dance" "to help bring the beast to life." "What?" " Look at him." "" "At least he looks good." "Uh, no he does not." "Okay, so, our Van is parked four miles away." "We should really start hiking early." "Yeah?" "Okay." "Show yourself!" "Show yourself, you bastard of a beast, you!" "Okay, then, well, you know what?" "I'm gonna be much happier" "when we're on the road again." "Yeah, tell me about it." "I'm dancing for you, you mammoth of a monster bastard." "What is he saying?" "Hmm, sounds like my uncle Dave at weddings." "So what are you gonna do with your $1,000?" "Oh, I'm not gonna take it." " Really?" " Yeah." "Why not?" "That was the deal." "I don't know." " I feel bad." " Well, I don't." "This two weeks has sucked." " Oh, they've sucked, moose?" " Yeah." "Have they?" "Yeah." "You've had fun." " Just admit it." " She got you." "Stop it." "You, especially you, stop it." "Here, you know what?" "Whenever I'm going to bed, take this." " Yeah, I'm going to bed, too." " Guys!" "Guys, come here!" "Come quick!" "I found him!" "I found the beast!" "Okay, I'm gonna punch him in the face." "That's it, he's dead." "He's over here!" "He's glorious!" " No, he's not glorious." " Hey, Steve?" "Over here!" "Come quick!" " Where are you?" " I'm over here." "He's gonna get a glorious fist in the face." " It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!" "" "What is he saying?" "Oh, gosh, what is it, dude?" "He's right here." " What?" " Who?" "He's right here!" " What is that?" " Is that a turtle?" " What?" "" "I said, is that a turtle?" " Oh, Steve." " No, it's bigfoot." " Steve, it's a turtle." " No, it's bigfoot!" "It's the beast!" "Steve, that is a freaking turtle, man!" "What do you mean?" "It's bigfoot!" "No, it's a turtle!" "You're-- you're gone, dude." " Where are you going?" " Captain crazy, man." "Hey, that's a turtle, Steve." "What?" "Yeah." "Bigfoots, they're bigger, and they don't have shells." "He's-- he's a cute little guy, at least." "But he's not bigfoot, Steve." "I'm really sorry." "Mickey, I found him." "No, you didn't, Steve." "I found him." "You tried your best." "You tried your best, Steve." "Where are they going?" "Jamie?" "Oh, Steve, I'm sorry." "I'm so, so sorry, Steve." "It's not bigfoot, is it?" "No." " What am I doing?" " I don't know." "Steve, maybe you're just trying a little too hard." "I thought for sure that this was him." " What is this?" "" "Oh, that wasn't very nice, Steven." "I'm a failure." " I'm a joke." " No, Steve." "You're not a failure, and you're not a joke." "Okay?" "It's okay." "Hey, Steve, come on, I mean we all came out here together." "And we had fun, right?" "Steve?" "You know what?" "You've got a great movie." "Okay?" "And-- and tomorrow we'll just go-- can we just go back to camp?" "Okay." "Sure." "Ah, the end of the road." "Wake up you miserable losers, it's time to get the hell out of dodge." "Oh, god." "But we haven't found him yet." "Nope, it was two weeks, right, stevesy?" " And I'm $2,000 richer." " $1,000." "Dude, it's two, he's crazy." "Go for it." "Moose, shut up." "Look, we gave it our best shot, but I think it's time we all admit that bigfoot is some sort of hoax that some guy made up a long time ago." "Hey, just because we didn't find him doesn't mean he doesn't exist." "We can try again, right, Steve?" "I thought this was it." "I was sure." "Hey, my friends, i think I speak for all of us when I say that bigfoot doesn't exist." "This is captain moose saying don't stay tuned." "Shut up, moose!" "Hey, Jamie, I really wish we did find bigfoot." "It would make me use my gun on something." "It's okay, Steve." "You just-- got a little-- you know what?" "I think you were an incredible captain." "No." "I was sure of it." "We were right there." "I know." "And, you know what?" "Maybe we can even try again sometime, huh?" "Hells to the no." "Let's just start packing, huh?" "Can you put that thing down and help me?" "Hey, Mickey, I'm getting some b roll." "Butt roll?" "That's not going in the movie." "Hey, guys!" "What's he doing?" "All right, Steve, let's go, buddy." "Come on, Steve, we gotta go." " I'm staying." " What?" " I'm not moving." " Steve-- okay, this is not funny." "Get up!" "You can't just stay here, Steve." "Yes, I can." "Watch me." "Dude, you better start moving, cause if you don't, I'm leaving." "And you know what, fine." "You guys just wait here with him," "I'm done with this." "I'm outta here." "Moose." " I'll come with you." " Get outta here." "Steve..." "You gotta come with us now, okay?" "Two weeks." "That was the plan, remember?" "It was a real nice turtle, Steve." "I'm sorry I wasted your guys time, but I'm staying." "I'm supposed to be here." "What should we do?" "I hope you stay there, man." "I hope you get eaten by bears." "Okay, you need to think about what you're doing here, Steve." "What are you gonna do?" "Just sit in the woods and wait?" "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm gonna do." "You guys should go." "Here, take this." "Steve!" "Steve!" " What's that?" " Huh?" "Steve, you should take a look at that." "Whatever it is, it is big." "Hey, moose!" "Come back here!" "No, wait!" "I can't see with you guys in the way!" " I'm excited and nervous right now." "Mickey, be quiet." "As a mouse, Steve!" " Oh, my god." " What the hell?" "That's two bigfoots banging the shit out of each other." "Yeah, they're going at it hard." "This is incredible, Jamie, are you getting this?" "I'm definitely getting this." " Huh, they do smell like passion fruit." "" "Yeah, you're right." "We found him." "Two weeks." "But we found him." "People have spent their entire lives searching for bigfoot, and to them I say, ha!" "A mystery no longer!" "The record books in the museum shall forever know my name" " and I owe it all to" " Where you going?" "Jamie, where you going?" "Holy shit, it's staring straight at us." "Oh, Steve, it's staring straight at you." " No, no, it just wants to communicate." " No, Steve, you should run." "" "Definitely not." "Hi, I'm captain Steve." "We travelled a long way to make this appearance." " Oh!" "Oh!" "Jesus!" " Run, Steve!" "Run, Steve!" "I can't run, it's very strong, Mickey." "Mickey, do something!" "You do something, you're the lesbian" " What the hell does that mean?" "I don't know!" "Don't stop shooting this!" "Try fighting, Steve!" "I don't think you understand how strong he is, Mickey!" "I will save you!" "Coming, Steve!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "I'm coming for you, buddy!" "What are you doing?" "Don't stop shooting!" "I'm sorry!" "Okay." "Oh, sleeper hold." "I'm falling asleep." "No!" "Mickey, where did you get a chair?" "Oh, I don't know." "Hey, bigfoot!" "Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!" "Got him." "Ow!" "You shot me!" "Oh, shit, dude." "Why would you shoot me?" " I'm an idiot, man." " Oh, my god!" "Steve, are you okay?" "No!" " Oh, moose, take the camera!" "" "Okay, I'm sorry." "Mickey, help me put pressure on it." "No, no, thank you." "Do it!" "Okay." "Oh." "Moose, you are a terrible shot." "I wasn't even close to him." "I know, man, I'm sorry." "I had my eyes closed." "Where did he go?" "He ran right off into the woods, Steve." "But we got it right." "We got him all on tape." "We got the whole thing!" "Really?" "Yeah, well, most of it, yeah." "Well, that should be fine, right?" " Yeah." " Oh, he fainted." "Oh, he is out." "Okay, guys, help me get him out of here." "Dibs on not carrying him." "Dibs on not carrying him." "I am your captain now, and you're gonna help me get him out." "I'm bleeding pretty badly, but it's all worth it." "Yeah, good, drink this." "We found him." "We found him." "We have hard without a shadow of a doubt evidence that bigfoot does exist." "A mystery no more." "Yeah, but you look like shit there, dude." "Steve, you're really heavy." "Because of us, myth has become truth." "Because of us, the world now knows the secret of bigfoot." "My arms are falling asleep." "Oh, god, mine, too." "And I don't owe this asshole any money!" "I'm carrying you." "Hey, it's Willie ray!" "What?" "Well, well, well." "Looks like you found him." "That we did, Willie ray." "That we did." "He was making love to a lady friend." "Oh, yeah, it's Friday." "Goddamn, what did he do?" "Shoot you?" "Oh, no, that was me." "Hey, guys, stop here for a second." "Aw, come on!" "Willie ray, as the majestic monster was beating my face in- yeah, he's gonna do it to you." "He looked into my eyes, and it was right then and there that I understood." "He wanted me to give this to you." "Oh, see?" "I told you he was good for it." "You weren't lying." "No, sir, I wasn't." "Did he really give that to you, Steve?" "Yeah, he did, Jamie, right after he punched me in the face repeatedly." "He put it in my pocket, but he looked me in the eyes." "Yeah, he's a good guy." "Yeah, he did beat me up pretty good though." "Well, you know he's a little rough." "A little rough." "But at the end of the day, i just think he's a little misunderstood." "I think that, too." "It's times like these-- -gosh, Jesus." "That we as a people, as human beings must look" "in the mirror and truly-- -okay." " Oh!" " Oh, shit!"