"Hey, check it out." "I got an "F" on my report card." " An "F"?" "." "What'd you fail?" "." " English." "Isn't that what we speak?" "." "Hey, I got a "B" in Spanish." "When did I start taking Spanish?" "." "Whoa, Donna, that's a cigarette!" "Even worse, it's a menthol." "You're gonna get suspended, little lady." " When did you start smoking?" "." " What?" "." "You just saw me light it." "Yes." "Ha, ha, ha." "Come on, Donna." "You know smoking causes cancer." "I know, but it makes me look cool, so it's an even trade." "Hold this." " Ah, geez, Forman, hold it like a man, would ya?" "." " Shut up!" "Wow, Donna." "Firstyou fail English." "Nowyou're smoking." "Can I askyou, what areyou doing?" "." "Smoking." "Failing." "Hey, Forman." "Smoking on school property?" "." " No, that's not his." "That's mine." " No, it's, uh-- it's mine." "Yeah." "Mmm." "Menthol." " Eric, quit it." " Yeah, okay." "Let's go, Forman." "Dios mio." "No es bueno." "Hangin'out" "Downthestreet" "Thesameoldthing" "Wedidlastweek" "Nota thingto do" "Buttalkto you" "We'reallallright" "We'reallallright" "Hello, Wisconsin!" "Eric Forman's fi rst suspension." "I 'm so proud!" "No, wait, back up." "Why'd he get suspended?" "." " Because he's stupid." " They can do that?" "." "No, he told them it was his cigarette." "And that's stupid." "Please, Donna, stop." "Don't fall all overyourselfthanking me." "I didn't need your help." "Yeah, Forman, I think shewants to get into trouble." "It's Donna's little cryfor help." "[ High-pitched ] "Help me, help me!"" "We hearyou, Donna." "And we loveyou." " Get bent." "You guys are jerks." " Wait." "Why am I a jerk?" "." "I don't even know what's going on!" "This is great." "Why did I even take the fall?" "." "I mean, Donna doesn't care and, you know, Red's gonna kill me." "Relax, Forman." "He's not gonna" "Oh, wait, did you say kill you?" "." "[ Chuckles ]" "Yeah, you're right." "Hyde, this isn't funny." "On Red's list of screwups... getting suspended from school is right up there with backing over my mom." "Hey, man, having a chick is about sacrifice." "LikeJackie-- she wants to decorate myvan with some ofher girlie stuff, right?" "." "So I tell her she can have one stuffed animal... in the glove box." "See?" "." "Sacrifice." "Kelso, 'member howyou used to putyourwhole fist in your mouth?" "." " Yeah." " Do it now." "Damn, why is everybody so crabby today?" "." " What's in the suitcase?" "." " Stuffed animals for the van, remember?" "." "Look, Michael, I know we agreed on just one... but then I got to thinking, and, well, I want them all." " But" " But what, Michael?" "." "But" "Okay." "Whoa, ease up on her, Kelso." "You know, sacrifice is hard." "So, my host parents set me up on a blind date." "And she has a friend foryou, Hyde." "Finally." "Somebody to love." "And it gets better." "They're not even blind." "Get it?" "." "Blind." "Screw you." "That's funny." " Oh." " Oh, hi, honey." "Your mom and I are going out tonight." " It's happy hour at Swingles." " What's Swingles?" "." " It's a singles bar." " No, it's a swingers bar." "Yeah, it's both." "And you're neither." "Don't get involved, Donna." "This is grown-up stuff." "Well, beforeyou go, there's my report card." " [ Gasps ]" " An "F"?" "." "Donna, we're very disappointed." "And we're gonna have a long talk about this." "Yes, we are." "Right after happy hour." "Provided we don't meet anyone." "All right, I've learned my lesson and I'll be sure to try harder." " There's our girl." " Ooh, wish us luck." "Welcome home, smoker." "Oh, no." "The school just called." "You're lucky I answered the phone and not Dad." "You didn't tell?" "." "Eric, of course I didn't tell." "Well, ifit isn't Mr. Smoker." "Oh, wait." "Yes, I did." " I'm nervous." " Don't be nervous." "You'll get sweaty." "Oh, no, too late." "I can't help it." "This is my first official American date." "That's why I'm here, Fez-- to helpyou out, man." "Unless they're "uggos." And then I'm gone." "There they are." "And they're not even uggos." "[ Chuckles ]" "No, they're hot." "And the blonde's blonde and hot." "Yes." "And since I set us up on this date, she is mine, right?" "." "Well, I can see whyyou'd think that." "But, actually, since I came along to helpyou out..." "American custom dictates that I get the blonde." "Once again, the local custom bones the foreign guy." "America, man." "Love it or leave it." "This" " This is Chamomile the Camel." "He can sit in the backseat." "But Llama Cass here, she has to sit up in the front with us." "Jackie, it's just, I thought all you wanted is to put in one little animal." "Well, I know, Michael." "But this waytherewill be even more things to remind you ofme." "Don'tyou like thinking about me?" "." "No, of course I do." "The thing is" "How can I saythis without hurting yourfeelings?" "." "Oh, okay." "I don'twantyour stupid things in my cool van." " [ Gasps ]" " What?" "." "No!" "I didn't say you were stupid." "Just everything you like!" "Congratulations, Eric." "You got suspended." "Areyou getting dumber?" "." "Gee, I don't think so." "Look, Dad, I don't smoke." "Daddy, if Eric's a smoker and he lies about smoking... doesn't that make him a smoking liar?" "." "Okay, you know what?" "." "That's enough." "Eric, have some more pot roast." "Here's some mashed potatoes, and here's a photo of a cancerous lung." "Whoa!" "Mom, gross!" " Look, I don't smoke!" " Okay, well, eitherway... that is what's gonna happen toyour lungs ifyou keep on smoking." "Well, the way he's screwing up his life, death will be a sweet release." "So I got that to look forward to." "You got suspended, pal." "How doyou think your college interviews are gonna go?" "." "[ Red's Voice ] Well, looks like we have a model student here." "Excellent grades, secretary-treasurer ofthe A.V. club." "Uh-oh." "What's this?" "." "You were suspended?" "." "[ Kitty's Voice ] Yes, sir, for smoking. [ Coughs ]" "Well, we can't have a loser likeyou at our school." "I'm sorry to say, you're not Princeton material, dumb-ass!" "Oh, if only-- [ Coughs ]" "I'd listened... to my mother." "[ Hacking ]" "[Obbject Thuds On Desk]" "Sorry." "What a lesson I have learned." "Can I go?" "." "Sure." "Right afteryou smoke this entire pack of cigarettes." "Yea, Daddy!" "Ooh, tear offthe filters." "Dad, you can't be serious." "Have I ever not been serious?" "." "Dad, I'm telling you the truth, okay?" "." "You have to take myword for it." "I don't smoke." "Yourword, huh?" "." "It's all a man has." "Well, now, that's nice." "What a load of crap." "Light up!" "Hey, I heard Eric got suspended." "Yeah, and we're all real proud." "I'll tell you what, Red." "I think Donna's been having trouble because Eric's a bad influence." "Could be." "But did you ever think the wayyou and Midge act like idiots, that might be screwing her up?" "." "Nope." "I'm pretty sure it's Eric." "Well, that's kind ofstupid, Bob." " Well, I guess the truth hurts." " So does a swift kick in the ass." "All right, I'm going." "But a swift kick in the ass is not the solution to everything, Forman." "I gotta disagree, Bob." " Gee, Dad, thanks" " Keep sweeping, smoker." "Will do." "Jackie, get in the van!" " No!" "Jackie, get in the van!" " No!" " Get in the van." " No." "Jackie!" " No." "Jackie, get in the van!" "[ Grunting ]" " Hey." " Hi." "So, what doyou want to do?" "." "You want to watch some TV... or eat some ice cream or..." "I don't know, apologize to me?" "." " I'm sorry." " Well, you should be." "Okay, I'm sorry." "I was expecting more of a fight." "Did you get in a lot oftrouble for the cigarette?" "." "Surprisingly, yes." " Turns out, Red has a temper." "So, yeah." "Who knew?" "." " Really?" "." "And, uh, your dad doesn't like me anymore." "Well, that's okay, 'cause I do." "What's he doing here?" "." "Who?" "." "Maybe you should get off me so I could, like, run away?" "." " You better get out ofhere." " Okay, fine." "I'll get out ofhere." " Actually, I think he was talking to me." " Come on." "Okay." "Boy, this is awkward, with the Donna, and theyelling, and the" "So then my pastor said, "It's okay to get a "B" every once in a while." "Nobody's perfect." "Exceptyou know who."" "You know, it's just so refreshing to meet someone... whose beliefs are the complete opposite of mine." "Yeah, well, I'm Episcopalian, and my best friend is Presbyterian... but we're still best friends." "It's hard work, but it's worth it." " I betyou make really good punch, huh?" "." " Oh, my gosh, the best!" "Yeah, I mean, these teachers think they deserve our respect, but they don't." "I mean, who are they to teach us about history and math?" "." "Mmm." "I, too, am filled with rebellious sexual tension." "Yeah." "I mean, it's like Malcolm X said-- "By any means necessary." Right?" "." " You like Malcolm X?" "." " Hey, who doesn't like Malcolm X, huh?" "." "You've heard of Malcolm X in Panama?" "." " Oh, no, I'm not from Panama." "I'm from" " Hey, Fez, come here." "American custom be damned." "I want you to have the blonde." "Oh, my God." "Blondes are notorious whores." "Thankyou, Hyde." "Not a problem." "Hi." "Bye." " Come on,Jackie.Just get in the van." " No." "Jackie,just get in the van." " No." "Jackie" " No!" " Get in the" " No!" "Jackie" " No." "Jackie, get in the van!" " No." " All right, fine." "I'm just gonna leave now." " Bye." "Damn it,Jackie, get in the van!" "Nope." "I heard G-1 1." "So, naturally, I yelled out "Bingo!"" "Boy, was the pastor cheesed at me." "Great story." "So, you are a blonde?" "." "Yeah." "Natural!" "I can't believeyou like all the same bands that I like." "Yeah, I just like music that's passionate and rebellious... and really pisses offmy dad." "Oh, Patty, don't say "piss." Oh!" "Hey, you know what'd really piss offyour dad?" "." "You and me grab a 1 2-pack and stay out all night." "I can't." "I have a big test tomorrow." "That's funny." "Let's go." "No, really, I've gotta go study." "Study?" "." "You don't study." "You've got a tattoo." "Look, Hyde, rebellion is cool and all... but I wanna get into a good college, so I can fight the system from the inside." "It was nice meeting you, though." "Mary?" "." "No, go ahead without me." "So, Fez, um, my parents aren't home." "Wanna come back to my house?" "." "I have a hot tub." "That would be super." "Donna, is it me, or... does your dad hating me make me even more sexy?" "." "Sure." "Yeah, I think he senses my bad boyness." " Yeah, Eric, you're a parent's worst nightmare." " Yes." "Yes, I am." "Mom, what areyou doing?" "." "Nothing." "And you, you just do as I say, not as I do." "Oh, hey, Mom, cool." "Give me a drag." "Okay, see?" "." "Now, Laurie is doing as I do." "That is wrong." "What's going on out here?" "." "Eric, areyou smoking again?" "." " I think he is, Daddy." " No, he is not." "I don't smoke!" "I think this might be myfault." "I think he's just imitating me, so he can look cool." "Mr. and Mrs. Forman, Eric got caught holding my cigarette at school." "I'm the onewhowas smoking." "Oh." "Well, Donna, thankyou foryour honesty." "What?" "." "How come you believe her?" "." " I told you I don't smoke!" " Okay, I'm gonna go home now, so, uh, good night." "Eric's not in trouble now?" "." "Fine!" "Well, now, I thinkyou have something to say to Eric." "Oh, yeah." " Nice job on the driveway." " Red." "Okay.Just" "Okay, I'm gonna say I'm sorry, butyou know, you do lie a lot." "What have I lied about?" "." "You lied about the beer keg, the dent in the Vista Cruiser." "You lied when you said you weren't taking the car out oftown." " You knew about that?" "." " I do now." " Oh!" " Ha!" " We're even." " Oh, Dad, you've gotta be kidding me." "Okay." "I'm sorry I madeyou smoke all those cigarettes." "Okay." "Yeah, that's okay." "Actually, I kind ofliked 'em." "Watch it." "No, no." "I bet they'd go great with beer." "So does a swift kick in the ass." "Jackie, get in the van!" " No!" " [Tires Screech ]" " All right, fine!" "I give up." "I give up!" "You can keep your stuffed animals in the van." "Doyou really mean it?" "." "Yeah." "But just one." " Five." " Two." " Four." " Three." " Four." " Deal. [ Laughs ]" "[ Grunts ] Five." "All right, five!" " Six." " Fine!" "So, you have me in your tub." "Ifyou are trying to send a sexy message, then message received." "Well, Fez, I know we made out in my parents' bedroom... and I know we Frenched in the pool house... and I know that may seem romantic to some people." "Tell me something I don't know." "I have a boyfriend." "See?" "." "That I did not know." "Fez, I really like you, but he's in college, and we're still faithful." "I see." "You know, there are manyways to remain faithful yet still have fun." " Really?" "." " Oh, yes." "[ Sighs ] That's much better." " Hey." " Hey." "So, I told Bob and Midge that it was my cigarette." "And how'd that go?" "." "Really good." "They grounded me." "Cool." "So what are you doing over here?" "." "Snuck out." "Being grounded makes it so much naughtier." "You know, Donna, I'm not gonna tell you what to do." "But failing classes is not the onlyway to get attention from your parents." "I mean, for instance, a lot of girls, when they're having a bad time at home... just... go slutty." "You know what, Eric?" "." "You're right." " Let's have sex right now." " Really?" "." " No." " Stop doing that!" " Michael, get in the van." " No." " Michael, get in the van!" " No." " Get in the van!" " No." " Michael." " No." " Get in the van." " No." "Fine." "Wait.Jackie. Jackie, it's myvan!" "Jackie!"