"Previously, on United States of Tara..." "What the fuck?" "Any way you can help me understand Gimme?" "I believe that Gimme holds all your raw emotions." "It's Gimme's job to keep the truth from coming to light." "I wanna thank you for being such a strong, supportive kid." " I'm really lucky." " We're lucky, mom." "I mean... because of you, we get to be interesting." "To mother issues." "You got it bad, don't ya?" "I think that's a distinct possibility." " Nothin' like love." " I need new rules." "I think I'm gonna wait three dates before I let a guy fuck me." "Was that inappropriate?" "I have two tickets to my roommate Kurt's improv show." "Actually, I think I'm coming down with something." "Gene Stuart." "Kate's general manager." " I brought some beef broth for Kate." " She's not here right now." "She's probably at the doctor or something." "Go ahead, Luther." "Hurt me good, baby!" " That's mom's body." " She's mentally disturbed." "Fuck!" " Mommy?" " What is this on me?" "Dad is gonna flip." "Sous-titre: grischka, lafeelicita salomon, valpi" "Tattoos really hurt." "Don't let anyone tell you they don't." "But I don't regret it... because it'll always remind me of Kate." "And it didn't hurt nearly as much as pushing all 8 pounds, 7 ounces of her through my birth canal." "But something else happened in that tattoo parlor." " Sometimes she pretends" " Mom's blood..." " a french canadian ho-bag..." " Mom's skin." " Used to go out with Lance Armstrong" " Mom's teeth, mom's hair" " Just do it, Luther." " You sure?" "You're a visitor, and you know it." "Do it, baby." "I wasn't there... but I could actually hear what T. was hearing before I transitioned." "And then there was last night..." "I don't know why it's happening or how... but the feeling is... incredible." "When the host and the alter share the same experience simultaneously, it's called co-consciousness." "This is quite a breakthrough, Tara." "So can I expect this to happen more often?" "If you continue to work so hard and make such progress." "Now, I want to discuss something else." "Given where you are in your treatment, Tara," "I think it might be time for you to see another therapist, one who has more experience with D.I.D. patients." "I've discussed this with my clinical supervisor who agrees, and we've come up with some recommendations together." "If you think it'll help to throw another therapist into the mix, then let's push even harder." "You'd actually be seeing another therapist instead of me." "This other doctor I'm thinking of runs an excellent program." "Wait, so... you're... breaking up with me?" "Technically, it's a termination." "Oh, god, that's even worse." "You're just giving up on me." "Oh, no, Tara." "It's not like that." "Let me... reframe this for you." "It'll help if you think of it not as the end of our relationship, but as a sort of graduation from one stage of treatment to another." "And we'll still have four more sessions together to help you through the transition." "Great." "Just what I need..." "More transitions." "So a kiss like from here to eternity?" "More like a place in the sun." " Marshall!" " I know." "Look, he's coming." "Just... just act natural." "Well, that wasn't very Montgomery Clift of him." "Maybe he didn't see me." "Yeah, and maybe he's secretly blind, like he lost his eyesight to childhood fevers, but he developed sonar like a bat." "Okay, that's enough." "Look, Marshall, I mean, it's great to see you all oogly and everything." "I just don't ever wanna find you crucified on a fence." "Too soon for that reference." "Look, Jason just texted me, asking to meet him at the bike trails after school." "Does your bike even have gears?" "Three of them." "So when all the leaves are bagged, and make sure you use the bags made of recycled paper." "You wouldn't believe the flack we got last year." " cost us a lot of votes." " Bummer." "Yes, we want all the decorative grasses cinched with bunting." "The effect should be like sheaves of grain." "Right, right, so you can remind the mayor's donors of our great agricultural heritage, right?" " Exactly, Max, and..." " Excuse me, Carol!" "Hey, pop the trunk." "Thanks for helping me out with this stuff." "No offense, but Carol's like fucking Alice on meth." "Are these biodegradable?" " Totally." " You're the best." "How'd it go with ocean?" "Oceanic." "Oceanic?" "What's that mean?" "Well, it was interesting." "She thinks I'm making real progress, but she also wants to terminate our therapy in a month." "What?" "What the fuck?" "We need her." "Why'd she do that?" "I'm not exactly sure." "Oh, hi, Tara." "Max, I don't know how to say this, but..." "Is he documented?" " Octavio?" "Very much so." " Oh, thank heavens." "{\Okay, }So as soon as you're ready, we need to talk mums and gourds and what not." "You got it, Carol." "What are we gonna do now?" "Right now I'm gonna pick up Charmaine, and then I'm going to process... my last therapy session." "Okay." "Sounds good." "Max?" "Max." "Max!" "They're raking up my bulbs!" "Max!" " Shit." " Stop that." "I gotta go." "So how are you feeling today?" "All fixed up?" "100%." "It must have been my care package." "Yeah." "The soup was great." "Thanks." "I'm just here for my check." "You know, Kitty, any shift missed due to malingering is justifiable cause for suspension." "And/or the withholding of one day's pay or the outright dismissal at the manager's discretion." "It's in the Barnabeez covenant." "You have to come up with a better excuse." "What the hell is that?" "I saw it on your fridge, and I couldn't resist." "You stole a picture from me?" " What the hell were you thinking?" " It was looking right at me." "Look, you can have it back if you want." "No, no, no." "No." "It's okay." "Actually, I don't ever want to see it again." "Well, maybe you'd like a photo of me too for those times that we can't be together." "No." "That's okay." "I'm good." "I'm glad you came around." "This gift certificate's about to expire." "The endoscopy center gives perks like this?" "No, it's from that temp job I had at that construction company." "I think after three months of answering phones next to a pile driver, they felt sorry for me." "I just hope you're not wasting it on me." "Look, if all the people who spent all their time and money at therapy each week just took a spa day instead, the world would be a much saner place." "Maybe." "I'm just..." "I'm still not sure about the massage part." "I just don't like strangers touching me." "You're gonna love it." "Trust me." "Wow!" "Well, is it a good picture?" "Who cares if it's a good picture?" " It's creepy." " Yeah, you're right." "And he's usually more subtle than that." "Usually?" "Well, except for right now." "That's the new trainee." "You know, you might have grounds for sexual harassment." "You should call H.R. My sister's best friend's cousin." "You don't know her." "But she sued her boss, and she got a white Lexus and invisaligns." "So if there's anything that every good and true member of the Barnabeez family knows, it's that there's no fraternizing or loitering when you're off the clock." "Don't worry." "I was just leaving." "Oh, you just wanted to come here so you could show off your new rack." "True." "But I also need to glow tonight." "It's the all-important second date." "Did I mention he's an environmental lawyer?" "30 times." "So why do you think Ocean just suddenly dumped me?" "Who knows, Tara?" "I mean..." "We never know why someone breaks up with us." "I mean, I lie to guys all the time, and I'm sure they lie to me." "Well, maybe dumped is a wrong word choice." "We weren't actually dating." "Sure sounds like you were." "I mean, gotta give her credit, though, for that graduation line." "I'm gonna bust that one out." "It's so much better than," ""it's not you, it's me."" "You know, you could be a little more sympathetic." "I am sympathetic." "I mean, what was your plan?" "Did you think you were gonna keep seeing her for the rest of your life?" "No." "Just until I got better." "She was the first therapist I could trust." "Now I have to start all over again with someone else." "Well, maybe you were too much for her." "I mean, you are a handful, Tara." " What does that mean?" " There's four of you." "Plus Ocean." "That's not a relationship." "It's an orgy." "Ladies, it's time for your massages." "Okay, you can lie flat, dear." "Just rest your head here." " In the... big donut thingy?" " That's right." "All right." "Let's see." "Here we go." "Now, I'm gonna begin very gently..." "And you just let me know if you'd like something more intense." "You carry all your tension here." "Was that too much?" "I'm sorry, ma'am, but it's your sister." "Of course it is." "Oh my God!" "Are you okay?" "Hands off, bitches!" "God!" "She's okay." "She's got a touch phobia thing." "Tara, what was that?" "That..." "That fit thing?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "That..." "That thing." "You're fucked up." "T. look, I know you don't like me, but we're gonna have to put up with each other {\for }a little bit{\, okay?" "}." "That was really scary back there." "T. you're gonna have to just leave Tara alone for a little while." "Why don't I leave you alone?" " Fuck, yeah!" " I'm just gonna..." "Welcome." "You have reached Barnabeez' human resources office." "If you would like to join the Barnabeez family, press or say one." " If you are already a member..." " Dad." "You're home." "Hey, honey." "You haven't seen T. by any chance, have you?" "No." "Why?" "What'd she do now?" "Had an episode at the spa, dissed your aunt." "And now I'm all tense again." "Define episode." " Max?" " Wait." "Well, apparently your mom really doesn't like massages." " What happened?" "Is she okay?" " No, she's fine." "She... just kind of got stressed out because her therapist is terminating her." "She didn't terminate her." "It's not Robocop." "Max, her therapist is breaking up with her." " Why are they breaking up?" " Who's breaking up?" "You know what?" "That is mine." "We charged it to my credit card." "I'll reimburse you, Charmaine." " Fucking knock it off." " Jackass." " Old bitch." " All right, all right." "Fuck yourself." "God, please." "What happened at the spa?" "They were all up in my shit." "I had to get out{\ of there}." "Sounds like Gimme came out." "Any idea why?" "{\Man, }How many times do I have to tell you I don't know shit about that Gimme shit." "All right." "I believe you." "Why don't you go out to the shed and chill out for a bit?" "'Cause I'm already chill." "I'm the chill-chill-chillingest." "Now I need to smoke because of this interrogation." " No further than the yard." " Yes, dad!" "Max, I know you guys are still sorting shit out, but I have a date tonight that I do not intend to miss." "So do you think you could drive me home so I could flat-iron my hair and get my glow on?" "You think you could stay here till Tara comes back, please?" "How long's that gonna be?" "I don't know." "Sure." "Fine." "That was..." "I..." "You're right..." "That's {\definitely }the best way home." "Yeah." "It's great up there." "So much simpler, away from everyone else." "{\Hey, }Reverend, you're preaching to the choir." "Yo, whassup, boys?" " I believe you've met T. before." " You been out ridin', huh?" "I take the bike trails home every day." "So that's how you keep your trunk packed so tight." "Shouldn't you be watching Jerry Springer?" "Yeah." "But Charmaine's in the house." "Then why don't you go hang out in the shed?" "No smokin' in the shed!" "You want some alone time." "Hey, I'm cool." "T. don't judge." "Sorry." "Every family's got a downwardly mobile one." "I like her." "I think she's funny." "You even like my family." "So do you wanna hang out again?" "Yeah, definitely." "Let's ride our bikes home again tomorrow." "I meant kind of..." "Hang out... in my room... which is a very peaceful place away from other people." "You know, I noticed that last weekend." "It wasn't bad, was it?" "It wasn't bad at all." "We can do that again." "We could do that now, you know." "Can I see you inside?" "Right now, dad?" "This..." " Moment in history?" " Yeah, it's important." "Hey, Jason." "Shit." "I hate important." "Be cool, bro." "Tomorrow... we ride again." "All right." "Cool." "See ya." "You just gonna leave Marshall's bike there?" "Where does he keep it?" "Come on." "I'll show ya." "Over there." "You're Marshall's bf, huh?" "I'm not anybody's bf." "Just gettin' benefits." "You like boys though, right?" "Maybe." "You like girls?" "Maybe. you're bisexual." "Maybe I'm 16." "We're the same age, you know." "Are you sure?" "Very sure." "I'm just mature for my age." "It's just fucking bizarre." "So mom's new alter is a fucking animal?" "Why do you {\have to }say fuck all the time?" "It's not an animal." "It's like a... primitive side of her." "Preverbal." "No social skills." "Kind of alter that defaces murals and pees in people's beds." " I knew I didn't wet the bed." " Oh, my God." "That is such a relief." "And yet not at all." " Fuckety fuck fuck." " New word, Kate." "Fuck." "Well, this is fantastic." "Tara thinks she's a rottweiler or something." "Congratulations, Marshall." "You finally got that dog you always wanted." " Shut up." " {\Dad, }Can you {\please }install a lock on my door?" "I {\just }realized that I don't want mom to come {\in }and pee on me." " She's not gonna pee on you." " Not if you walk her regularly." "Okay, I know it's a stressful time, but, you know, maybe you can keep your shit together?" "Sorry." " So what are we gonna do?" " Nothin' till mom comes home." "Okay?" "No decisions without her." "Agreed?" "I'm gonna go check on her." " Good idea, Marsh." " Thanks, Marsh." " Get the hell outta my shit." " You get the hell out." "Marsh, man, I am..." "I am so sorry." "Stop it." "This is fucking bullshit!" " Marshall!" " Just get away from me." " What did I..." " What do you fucking think?" "That wasn't me." "I would never..." "I wish I could protect you from..." "I can protect myself." "Come on." "I'm sorry I didn't have the time today." "So what, T. came out at the spa?" "Yeah, after Gimme." "Shit." "Nobody got hurt." "No damage done." "Just a weird appearance." "I smoothed it over with management." "We just owe Charmaine" " a plush robe and a massage." " Charmaine knows about Gimme?" "And the kids." "Jesus." "Sorry, but things are getting way too grotesque here, so I'm staying the night at Tanya's." "At least her parents are just boozers." " Poor Marshall." " He's okay." "How?" "He's gonna be okay." "Listen." "He's taking the Billie Holiday cure {\right }now." "Just give him some time." "Come on." "No." "I've never heard that before." "But go on." "Can we make it 7:30 instead?" "Can we continue this later?" "My boss just walked in." "Me too." "I'll see you soon." "Bye." "What?" "You are my boss." "I'm sorry about today." "I'll make it up to you." "How?" "You know what?" "I needed a new robe anyhow." "What a day." "Welcome." "You have reached Barnabeez' human resources office." "If you would like to join the Barnabeez family, press or say one." "To check the status of your application, press or say two." "For one of our human resources professionals, press or say eight." "Eight." " I'm sorry, I did not understand..." " Eight!" " Welcome..." " Eight." "Fucking eight!" "Please leave your name, store number, and contact information after the tone." "Hi, this is Kate Gregson." "I am at store number 437 in Overland Park." "And, you can call me back." "My number is 913 555-0173." "Please call me back." "My manager is a total freak show." "Have a good date." " I'll probably fuck it up." " Maybe." "With that attitude." "Hello!" "The shed's on fire." "What?" "Holy shit!" "Get the other hose." "Right there."