"What's your poison?" "Humanity." "Bad day in universe, huh?" "They also run together." "Unless her corpse resurfaces in a ***." "Oh!" "Jack Daniels, rocks." "I'll have what he's having.." "I hope you weren't saving this stool for somebody else." "Do I know you?" "Or do you think I'm someone else?" "To the night." "So what's your story, Carlton?" "How do you know my name?" "I asked you first." "Are you a prostitute?" "Is that the vibe I'm giving off?" "I'm sorry, no." "I'm just..." "I don't know, just a little..." "Lonely?" "Yeah, maybe." "Just a little bit." "So you gonna tell me about yourself or not?" "Yep." "Well, you already know my name." "I come here to unwind, 'cause my job can be intense." "I often dream I'm Clint Eastwood." "Even in Bloodwork?" "Mostly Heartbreak Ridge." "Please continue." "I am somewhat recently divorced," "I believe there is little to no room for interpretation when it comes to the United States constitution, and I have an unusually high threshold for pain." "That is a fairly unusual necklace and it shows off your clavicle quite well." "For all eternity." "Your turn." "Okay." "I'm about as single as they come, and I really like a man with hair on his chest." "And as for Clint, I really think it's Unforgiven." "Your eyes are swimmable." "Why is your job so intense?" "How did you know my name?" "Why don't you hold that thought while I go freshen up?" "We're gonna need more whiskey." "Maybe she's on the phone." "You ever think of that?" "Maybe she's with a guy." "Hey!" "You blind, flat Stanley?" "Get." "You've got to be kidding me." "Listen, Jules, just don't beat yourself up." "You can't possibly be expected to control whether or not Gus and I, surreptitiously follow you after you get a call during breakfast." "But, I specifically told you not to follow." "She said farrow." "Farrow is not a word." "I said follow, he knows I said follow." "I wasn't there but, farrow is most definitely a word." "Thank you." "It means to birth a calf or a litter of pigs." "Okay, fine." "Why would I tell Shawn not to birth a calf or a litter of pigs?" "I don't know." "What do you got?" "Male, early 30s." "Now CSI is on their way, but I'd say" "The girl, McNab." "What did you find out about the girl I met last night?" "Oh." "I might need a little bit more to go on, sir." "What do you need?" "What more do you need?" "I told you she's blonde and pale and perfect and beautiful and perfect." "So, get me a name and get me an address, and get me some aspirin." "Please tell me why they're at my crime scene?" "Lassie, it's not Jules' fault." "She told me not to follow her," "I thought she was telling me not to be pregnant with swine." "Go." "Are you okay?" "I haven't beat you to a call in six years." "Of course I'm okay." "Why wouldn't I be okay?" "I had to stop for gas." "All right, let's see if we got a wallet?" "Name of the deceased is Hamilton Deane, lives downtown, about a hundred bucks in cash, credit cards, AAA." "I'm going to roll him." "This abrasion on his neck?" "That dude is awfully pale abnormally pale." "Especially since he's only been dead for" "Check the neck." "Check the wrists." "What's this?" "Looks like our killer might have left us a little present." "What a shame." "That is a very usual necklace and it shows off your clavicle quite well." "For all eternity." "Gus, no blood, puncture marks." "Abnormally pale!" "What?" "!" "Do it." " Okay." " Do it." "Okay." "Better yet, let me do it." "I'll do it." "Settle down." "You're not doing it." "I wish I had a bigger audience." "Do it." "Ladies and gentlemen," "I must ask you to brace yourselves." "What I'm about to expunge is not for the faint of heart." "It is bold with a zesty, salty finish." "What we're up against here is no mere mortal." "I'm afraid this very well may be the work of a vampire." "Sookie...is mine!" "What are you thinking partner?" "Actually I'm going to have to go with Spencer on this one." "♪ I know you know, that I'm not telling the truth ♪" "♪ I know you know, they just don't have any proof ♪" "♪ embrace the deception, learn how to bend ♪" "♪ your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end ♪" "You know you weren't nearly this pumped when you thought we were chasing a werewolf." "I'm not trying to get devoured by a hairy, famished beast, Shawn, but I will whip me some lithe, wispy vampire ass." "All right, and you wreak of garlic." "You look like Omar Epps from Dracula 2000." "I'll take it." "You don't think it's odd that Lassie jumped on our vampire wagon?" "You know I have long since dreamt of Lassie jumping onboard with one of my nutty theories, but now that he's actually done it," "I don't know why I thought it would be so cool, it does feel odd." "It's like the roadrunner stopping and saying," ""You know what, Wile E.?" "You've earned this." "Blow me up."" "You saying the coyote has a first name?" "Yeah." "It's not, O-S-C-A-R?" " That's Bologna." " You're Bologna." "Necro Butcher!" "Ryan Phillipe!" "We're trying out pet names." "Yours is Bologna." "Can we get started please?" "Of course." "For you, my lady." " Aw, what is it?" " Small intestine of a ram." "Cause of death?" "Pulmonary failure or severe blood loss." " Whichever came first." " How severe?" "His tank's just about on empty." "A bit of trivia, the human body when drained of most its blood will often times stop working." "Note the puncture wounds on the neck there and on the wrists here and here." "Woody, in your professional opinion, is it possible that this poor man was the victim of a vampire attack?" "Don't dignify that with a response." "Wasn't planning on it." " Is it possible?" " Most likely, yes." " Woody?" "!" " It's a given really." "All right people." "That's enough." "I think it's obvious we're after a vampire who's out there doing stuff that vampires do." "So, get on this and find me a lead." "Carlton, have you lost your mind?" "Where are you going?" "I have a personal matter to attend to, I'll catch up." "Since when do you have personal matters?" "Okay, my partner has gone off the reservation." "I hope that you are all very happy." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to catch a murderer and I'm fairly certain that he or she is human." "Well, there goes my night." "This necklace look familiar to you?" "Hey, we used to sell this piece." "Hey, no kidding?" "I'm gonna need a record of everyone who's purchased this thing in the last oh," "I don't know, let's just say ever." " Oh, man, that's not possible." " Come again?" "Well it's just this piece, we only had a few of them, and it was years ago." "How many years ago?" "Three or four maybe." "We don't really keep records of that kinda stuff." "I mean, look around." "We're not Zales or Jared's." "Okay, I don't suppose that you would remember who made these purchases would you?" "Dudes." "Chicks." "No, no, not really, no." "Just forget it." "I should have known a place called Bling Crosby would be a dead end." "I mean, look at you." "Sorry, man." "That's a killer watch you have though." "You want to sell it for way less than it's worth?" "This old thing just keeps on ticking like the heart of a wounded elephant just grizzled and..." "Why don't you hold that thought while I go freshen up?" "I'll be damned." "This is not funny, Shawn." "I'm the only sane person working this case and that makes my time even more valuable." "Do you know have any idea how long it took me to find this ridiculous place?" "It doesn't have an address." "Hello, Shawn." ""I can't help being a gorgeous fiend." "It's just the card I drew."" "What in the hell are you wearing?" "We're on their turf Juliet." "We have to walk the walk of a true night stalker." " Night stalker?" " He's right." "Look around, you're the fish out of water here." "Because they're all pretending to be dead, Shawn." "Well, perhaps it is us who pretend to be alive." "Greetings brother." "Three virgin slow gin fizzes." "Make 'em Bloody Marys and whatever snack mix you can whip up over there." "I will gladly serve the two of you, however the human is not going to get a drink from me." "You have broken the cardinal law by allowing a day walker to enter our realm." "Okay, that's it." "Detective O'Hara, SBPD." "Let's try this again." "Whoa!" "Hey, okay, slow it down there, Cagney." "Just a regular guy here, okay, trying to make a dollar, that's it." "I play up this whole character thing to get some money out of these freaks." "Charlatan!" "Who's talking?" "Count Chocula over here, please." "Count Chocula?" "You must be out of your damn mind!" "What did I tell you, no one remembers Blacula except for us and Quentin Tarantino." "Look, we're just wondering if-- if you think any of your customers here are dangerous or capable of attacking someone and sucking all of their blood out?" "You're kidding, right?" "Dude, this is Santa Barbara, okay." "All the people here are like fashionistas and slam poets." "I'm leaving now." "Oh, wait!" "I do have one little piece of info you might find interesting." "I got a call last week, I believe on Wednesday, and it was a customer who was asking if I would sell them a pint of real blood." "Weird." "Did you recognize the voice?" "No, can't say I did." "You remember when they called?" "Yes, as a matter fact, it was at 1:30." "It was exactly 1:30 on Wednesday, because I was watching Oprah and it was right in the middle of-- what's that this guy, Nate..." "Berkus." "Berkus!" "Love that guy!" "He was refurbishing a Chippendale, amazing stuff." "Caller ID." "Would you like to do the honors?" "We're gonna need to see that phone." "Marlowe Viccellio." "How did you find me?" "Is something wrong?" "You don't live alone." "No, it's me and three guys." "Have you ever dated, thought about dating or have any casual relations with these freeloading parasites?" "No." "Is this an interrogation?" "Believe me, I wish it weren't." "Where's the necklace?" "I don't understand." ""For all eternity." The necklace." "Well, I didn't sleep in it." "Show it to me." "Okay, follow me." "I can't believe you're already in my bedroom." "You want to tell me what this is about, detective?" "Okay, one more thing and I promise we'll be able to laugh about this." "I need to know exactly what happened after you left last night." "I went out the bathroom window and I ran across the street and I sat in my car and I watched you wait for me." "You got into a fight with the bartender and then you finished your drink and you went to back and eventually you went outside and exchanged heated words with a homeless man." "You looked really sad." "I just let you walk away." "Why would you do that?" "I just-- it's been tough for me lately." "I just haven't had much luck." "I felt something." "So did I." "The only thing it compares to is the rush of jubilation" "I felt when I heard Chuck Norris speak at an N.R.A." "convention in Aberdeen." "I was thirteen." "I just got scared." "I'm sorry." "Marlowe Viccellio!" "This is the police!" "Hold on, guys." "Don't touch anything yet." "Carlton, what's going on here?" "Carlton, what exactly is going on here?" "I suppose I do owe you an explanation, partner." "I owe you two nothing and you look like a couple of ass hats in those ridiculous costumes." "I'm dangerous in a sexy way." "More like a gay way." "Well, I'm straight-up iconic." "I wouldn't call Count Chocula an icon." "I'm Blacula!" "And you're going to be under arrest you succubus." "Hold on." "There's is no way she could have committed this murder, she has an airtight alibi." "Carlton, somebody called a vampire bar asking to buy a lot of blood." "We traced the call, and it came from inside this house." "Can you explain that?" "Sure." "I have three roommates and they're a quirky group of guys, so I wouldn't put it past any of them to do something like that." "You live with two dudes and Mario Lopez." "Oh, but she doesn't have carnal knowledge of any of them." "What's this airtight alibi?" "Go ahead." "You can tell them the truth." "I was with Carlton in a bar and snuck away to my car to watch him, because I was nervous about the level of attraction" "I immediately felt for him both emotionally and physically." "No, seriously, what's the alibi?" "She recounted my every move as I sat stoic at the bar." "There is no way she could have been in two places at one time." "You realize by corroborating her story?" "Yes, O'Hara." "It means I'm her alibi." "And needless to say, I don't believe in vampires." "You will when she bites you." "Because she doesn't love you enough "not to condemn you."" "You watch that hairy eyeball Spencer, this lady's been through enough." "Marlowe, we're going to need to talk to each of your roommates and find out who made that call." "Yeah, I understand." "It's Eddie, Jake and Lucien." "Where is the Lucien?" "So, any food allergies I should know about before I dazzle you with dinner?" "Nuts, what kind of nuts?" "All nuts?" "Just filberts, check." "Lucien, our suspect, is in the interrogation room." "Oh, oh." "There will be dessert." "Dude, no dice, it needs to be garlic to skin contact Shawn." "Are you sure this water is holy?" "Yes, I had Father Wesley bless it over the phone." " Over the phone." " Yes." "I don't think it works like that." "You don't know how anything works, Shawn." "So, Lucien, where were you between the hours of 10:00 pm and 11:00 pm on Wednesday night?" "And the year 1540." "What?" "Take it, creature." "Guys, enough." "Man, I don't think this is silver." " I paid for silver." " Well, you got hosed." "Wow!" "You guys are actually devolving." "Get back over here." "Now!" "Really." "Answer the question, Lucien." "I was working my shift at King Putt Mini-Golf." "There was a late rush, and I closed the course that night." "Hold up." "Will King Putt honor an expired, two for-one Groupon?" "Yes or no." "Shawn, this is serious." "Listen, on the third hole," "I usually putt up the right side, bank through the rubber bumpers, but I still keep getting nailed by the swinging mammaries." "Those aren't mammaries." "They're the bells on the end of a Jester's cap." "Really?" "Yes, it's putt-putt for kids." "Lucien, we'll need to verify your alibi with the management at king putt." "Fine, his name is Wayne." "I'm not buying this." "I can see your bedroom, man, with the cracked mirror and the kitty litter." "Give it up, shape shifter!" "I don't have a bedroom." "I live in the tent out back." "You should be talking to Ed." "We've got the wrong roommate." "I know where we need to be." "We don't have much time." "Why are we at a blood bank?" "Well, it's really common for full fledged vampires to wander the barrens, you know, graveyards, industrial wastelands." "Places of irreversible urban blight." "The blood bank does seem likely place for the undead to quench the hunger." "Five minutes, and we are leaving." "There is just 0% chance that I'm getting caught up in this fantastical, vampire nonsense." "So you're saying there's a chance." "No, Shawn, I said 0%." "Edward has entered the building." "What?" "Where?" "It's a classic shifting technique." "It's incognito man-to-animal maneuver." "That's correct, it's looks like we may be dealing with an elder, or even worse, a diablerie." " No." " Yes." "We're leaving." " What?" " No." "Why did we come all the way out here?" "Edward is in the building." "To investigate, he's wondering around." "God, I used to be a detective, now I'm a babysitter." "That makes you Elisabeth Shue and Gus is Keith Coogan." " You're Coogan." " You're Coogan." "Your momma's Coogan." "Hello, Edward." "Just act natural." "Never look a feline in eyes, lest you want to be a" "Just stop it." "Here we go." "He is looking right at you, Gus." "He is looking at Juliet." "No, he isn't." "Did I just see what my brain is telling my eyes that I just saw?" "Was that a cape?" "Okay, how did it get from one end of the building to the other in two seconds?" "Blood products." "Detective, what have we got?" "We had good reason to believe our suspect was here in the blood bank." "We entered and what we saw was a hooded figure, who appeared to move with inexplicable speed, as if it were a..." "Mr. Spencer, if I may, what we're looking at is someone who is capable of vamp speed or at present-space quantum leap." "Blacula gives a shout out to Backula." "The truth is, I don't know what we saw." "Here is the good news, said suspect is in custody, and in due time we'll be able to stick the nails to him." "Let me say that Shawn and Gus' opinion does not reflect my own." "What suspect?" "That's a feline." "That will drink you like a juice box." "Don't be deceived." "That's a grown ass man who feeds off the blood..." "Gus, you must stop." "Look, I'm gonna tell the chief that detective O'Hara is in full, undeterred control of this investigation," "I'll spare the juicy details." "I'm getting something." "Shoot the glass." "Sounds good brother." "Yeah." "Uh-oh, where's Lassie?" "I'm pretty sure he invited his new girlfriend over for dinner." "If he invites a vampire into his home it's free to feed on him at will." "We are the only ones in the world that can save him right now." "Let's go." "Hi, Carlton." "Mm, something smells delicious." "Well, I would like to say it's the elk loin" "I've been braising, but I have a feeling that intoxicating scent is you, Marlowe." "Would you like to come in?" "I'd love to." " Hi." " Hi." "Come Lassie, let the right ones in, buddy." "Unless you're already undead." "In which case would you kindly impale yourself with a wooden stake?" "Spencer, Guster, go away!" "Carlton, open the door!" "O'Hara!" "?" "Give us some sort of signal that you're okay." "A cough or a thump of some kind." "Henry?" "Should I call for the battering ram?" "McNab!" "What the hell is wrong with you people?" "Can't you see I'm in the throes of passion?" "Contrary to public opinion," "I do not get this kind of action every night!" "Are you wearing garters?" "No, you dullard, these are standard, military issue." "They keep my shirt tucked tight throughout the day." "We found this press on nail at the Santa Barbara blood bank which was robbed earlier this evening." "Marlowe, you mind showing us your mitts please?" "This is just a crazy coincidence." "These nails were made popular by Jersey Shore." "Nice try, Queen of the Damned." "Jwoww does wear those nails when they go out clubbing." "What?" "I'm not saying I buy her story." "But Marlowe said they're very common." "We certainly need more evidence than this." "Okay, well then I'm sure she won't have a problem with us searching her house." "Of course she won't." "She's nothing to hide, right?" " Uh-huh." " That's right." "So let's go over there and clear her good name." "Got anything?" "Not yet." "Don't rush be Shawn, I'm being thorough." "Uh-oh!" "I'm sensing something cold and very unfortunate, something icy like Marlowe's aorta." "Spencer, this is personal for me." "Either conduct yourself like an adult, or I will remove you from these premises by force." "You're right, that was insensitive." "I'm sorry, come on." "Let's hug it out." "I would rather learn to play the harp." "Okay." "This is nice." "Hello, plasma." "Okay, so I did take the blood." "But only because I'm trying to make ends meet and they pay really good money on the black market for that." "But I promise I didn't kill anybody." "I can't bear what you must think of me right now." "But you have to believe me." "I can't." " You're under arrest." " What?" "O'Hara, this case is officially yours." "I'll be in my apartment if you need me." "I trust you will not." "What are we supposed to do, haul all this blood back to the bank?" "No, I think we should just leave it here." "Would you relax, buddy?" "Look, this stuff is locked and loaded in these thick rubber baggy" "Is he responsive at all?" "No, nothing." "We even held a plate of bean and cheese nachos in front of his face." "How much blood was it, exactly, Shawn?" "Just a little stream, it's not like it was the end of Carrie, or the beginning of Carrie." "Look, Jules, did you get Marlowe to confess to the murder or what?" "No, but it's only a matter of time before she cracks." "I just feel so bad for Lassiter." "He seemed to really care about this girl." "Oh, Shawn, hang on a second." "Sorry to interrupt, but a man was just attacked in the parking lot of Lox, Stock and Two Toasted Bagels, over on Fletcher Street, and the perpetrator attempted to drain him of his blood." "He's at St. Thomas of the Apostles." "Shawn, did you hear that?" "Yes!" "Greatest name for a bagel joint ever." "Plus, this means Lassie is love with a liar and a blood thief, but not a full-on murderer!" "Slap Gus as hard as you can, and meet me at the hospital." "Copy that." "All right dad." "I got this." "Okay." "All right, listen up, buddy." "This hurts me way more than it hurts you." "Oh!" "Welcome back, Guster." "Paging Dr. Bender." "Don't you dare." "He's clearly not gonna eat it, Shawn." "And I'm hungry like a mug." "You're hungry like a what?" "Okay, Ron, can you tell us what happened tonight?" "Yeah." "Okay, what happened?" "A guy in a cape attacked me." "Did you get a good look at his face?" "No." "Are you sure?" "Nah." "All right, well thanks, Ron." "You've been a huge help so far." "This is the chief, I'm gonna take it outside." "You are unbelievable." "I haven't eaten since breakfast." "Another man's sandwich." "So." "Someone is lucky to be alive." " Who?" " Well, you are son." " O negative." " Do what?" "How did you know his blood type?" "It's a special gift that I bust out in rare occasions and almost all the time." "Well, yes, Ron here has one of the rarest blood types there is." "How rare?" "Extremely." "In fact..." "I've been looking for a blood donor." "But, there are only wrote two dozen people in Santa Barbara who have O negative blood." "The killer is after O negative." "I need a diversion." "Slip a disc or start peeing yourself." "Doctor, my friend has peed himself." "No, I slipped a disc." "Ahh." "Just breathe, young man." "It's probably just a spasm." "It hurts." "Gus, have some respect for yourself." "Are you all right?" "Yes, doctor, I breathed into the spasm and it loosened up nicely." " Thanks doctor." " Thank you." "Dude, one of the names on the list is Adrian Viccellio." "I bet you that's Marlowe's brother." "He has something called Van Wilder's disease." "Von Willibrand's." "That's a rare blood disorder that requires its patients to have transfusions on a regular basis." "It usually affects humans and Doberman Pinschers." "That's oddly specific." "There are three types of VWD, type two is divided into four subtypes." "Shawn, I bet you anything that our guy had the worst type and lost his insurance." "That's it, he's having to steal the blood from the few people that have his rare blood type." "He probably swiped the list of matching donors during his last hospital stay." "Well, that's just conjecture." "It's all conjecture, Shawn." "That's all we're doing right now." "All right, Ron, we are gonna need a swab your clothing and both your fists." "Jules, Jules, it's Marlowe's brother Adrian." "He has something called Don Skarsgard's disease." "He needs a lot of rare blood, O negative, and he's having to steal it because he doesn't have insurance." " Did you just say O negative?" " Yeah." "That's Carlton's blood type." "We got to go." "Carlton, please don't hang up." "I begged the police for this call." "I had to call you to tell you that you could in some serious" "There is a cage, Marlowe-- a cage made of brawn and steel that protects my heart." "I welcomed you inside that cage," "I offer you a season pass to the festival of light that happens in my chest cavity." "Festival?" "Like ComicCon?" "You don't want it." "What's worse is you never wanted it." "I do want it, but I need to warn you that you could..." "Now, I'm going to tell you the same thing" "I told my mother and her new girlfriend the day I left for the academy." "Why don't you both just get in your car and Thelma  Louise yourselves right into the Pacific?" "It was an ugly thing to say and I wish I could take it back, but I was confused." "I didn't want my mother to be a lesbian at 53." "Eventually I came to realize that Althea makes her happy in a way that dad never could." "Carlton, I need you to focus and listen to me." "Spencer, go away." "Carlton, don't answer the door." "Hang on a second." "What, what, what?" " Is Tamara home?" " Who the hell is Tamara?" "Carlton?" "Carlton?" "You're that hooligan from that awful haberdashery." "It's easier if you don't talk, detective." "If you just close your eyes, all of this nasty business will be over before you know it, I promise." "Marlowe and her brother both robbed the blood bank." "We were actually seeing two people!" "So, you see, there is a rational explanation for everything, Shawn." "There is no rational explanation for anything, until we see the other roommate and that black cat together in the same place at the same time!" "I took the liberty of hanging up on my big sis." "She's pretty upset." " Marlowe is your sister?" " You didn't know?" "I figured she would have told you, seeing how she's all sweet on you." "She is?" "All right, listen." "You're not going to get away with this, and your sister" "Look." "I'm one tough son of a bitch, and I'm happy for Marlowe." "She's been sacrificing everything and taking care of me forever, and she deserves... a nice guy who will take care of her, you know?" "I can't really do that if I'm dead now, can I?" " Just make one smart move..." " I'm not going to kill you." "Nobody was ever supposed to die." "That first guy was alive when I left him, I swear it." "I wouldn't even be here, see, except I can only assault innocent blood donors when I have my strength and right now I'm freshly transfused or...was." "That guy on the list ahead of you kicked my ass earlier tonight." "You can say that again." "And in a couple of days, I'm gonna be clinging onto life again." "So, here we are, desperate times call for blah, blah, blah." "The dude is a real-life vampire, babe!" "I'm not conceding the fact that vampires don't exist, and you know you guys could at least pretend to be a little bit concerned about Carlton." "Hey, whatever the situation may be, I'm sure Lassie is firmly in control." "Danger is his middle name." "I for one, am less optimistic." "You know if you're sick, we can get you some help." "This is insane." "See, the insurance darlings no longer feel any responsibility to help out." "I am a liability, you see." "Think about Marlowe, and she's an accomplice." "She'll do hard time." "She never laid a finger on anyone." "You were her first mark, and we both know how that went." "So she stole some blood." "Big deal." "She did it to save a life." "And that's what it's there for, isn't it?" "Well, isn't it?" "No more talking." "Carlton!" "Are you okay in there?" "Gus, quick--give me your credit card." "Great." "Jules, kick the door in." " What!" " Carlton!" "Open the door!" " Are you okay?" " Never better." "We need to get this young man to the hospital, then the station." "It's possibly in that order, I'm not entirely sure." " Oh!" "What happened here?" " Chloroform, sneak attack." "Unbeknownst to my assailant, I've slowly and methodically been building up a tolerance to chloroform over the last 15 years." "Dear God, why?" "For a night like this, Spencer." "I don't believe it." "It must have been some other kind of chemical." "Oh, great, now we have to carry two guys out of here." "I mean, look at him." "He really wore his heart on his sleeve through all of this," "I mean he's obviously hurting, and I just think it would be nice if he knew that we were all here for him." " What would you have us do?" " Seriously." "Well, go talk to him." "Give him some encouragement, let him know there are plenty of fish in the sea." " Rock, paper, scissors?" " Fine." " What is that?" " Spider." "Crap on a cracker." "There is no spider." "There was no spider." "Now he's here, and he's hairy, and he's venomous and he is unbeatable." "The other three are all inanimate objects, Shawn." "A spider can't bite a pair of scissors." "Yeah, he's right, scissors clearly have the advantage and well, rock crushes spider." "Oh but I suppose spider crawls on paper?" "Go on." "Hey, Lassie." "Um..." "I just wanted to say, you know that the sea is vast and filled with many strange creatures and corals." "Mostly divorced corals, probably with a bunch of kids, and they're just looking for any old crustacean" " with a steady income so..." " Sorry, Spencer." "No time for your empty, bone-headed musings." "I'm late for an appointment." "Transport detail, report to inmate reception." "Transport detail, report to inmate reception." "I wasn't sure you'd come." " I am a man of my word." " I'm so sorry." "I wish I" "Look, you did what you thought you had to do." "If there's an upside to any of this, it's that your brother will finally get the care he needs now that he's gonna be in the system for a long, long, long time." "Can I ask you something?" " Anything." " Where would you rate" "Pink Cadillac in Eastwood canon?" "Not very high I'm afraid." "I mean I suppose it's a good companion piece to City Heat but he's much funnier with the orangutan."