"WEFOUNDTHE16MOST BRUTAL ROAST COMICS IN THE NATION." "ATOURNAMENTFILLEDWITH TEARS." "UPSET." "YOUGOTTHIS,CONGRATULATION CONGRATULATIONS." "AND UTTER DESTRUCTION." "ALEXISWHYYOU DON 'TFEED RICHARD SIMMONS AFTER MIDNIGHT." "ONLYFOURSURVIVEDTHE  CARNAGE." "FRANK CASTILLO." "I'MSUPEREXCITED,AND IALSO  GOT MY SHIFT COVERED AT WORK." "MATTHEWBROUSSARD." "WE GOT YOU JUST HAVE TO COME AS HARD AS POSSIBLE." "YOULOOKLIKEIFMICHAEL MOORE GOT GANG BANGED BY" "JUGGALOS." "JOEDOSCH." "I'MANARROGANTPRICKWITHOUT ANY ACCOLADES BRITISH THROWN A" "TROPHY, I WOULD BE AN UNFEELING MONSTER." "ANDTODDBARRY!" "THATWASGOOD,OLIVIA." "I HOPE HE PUT A STAR NEXT TO THAT ONE IN YOUR HELLO KITTY" "NOTEBOOK." "TONIGHTOURALL-STARFIRING SQUAD." "TJ MILLER, NATOSHA, PATTON OSWALT, AND IT JASON SUDEIKIS" "WILL HELP ME CROWN ONE OF THESE MOUTHY MOTHER [BLEEP] ROAST" "MASTER CHAMPION." "LIVE, THIS IS THE FINAL OF "ROAST BATTLE II:" "WAR OF THE" "WORDS"!" "♪ [CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]" "♪ [CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]" "HAPPYSUNDAYROASTFANS." "WELCOME TO THE FINALE, THE LIVE FINALE OF "ROAST BATTLE II:" "WAR" "OF THE WORDS"!" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] LOOK AT THIS ARENA, THIS" "BEAUTIFUL SAFE HAVEN, COMEDY BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER." "THAT'S WHAT WE NEED RIGHT NOW, FOLKS." "FOR A DIVIDED NATION TO COME TOGETHER AND FINALLY ADMIT THAT" "CIVILIZATION HAD A GREAT RUN." "[LAUGHTER] IN A NEW PRESIDENT HAS SOMEHOW" "ROAST BATTLED HIS WAY INTO THE OVAL OFFICE." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?" "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?" "WHEN TRUMP WAS A LITTLE BOY, DO YOU THINK HIS MOM WAS LIKE WHAT" "DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP, DONNIE?" "HE WAS LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, PRESIDENT, YOU STUPID BITCH." "AND ADRIAN WAS BORN." "I KNOW DONALD TRUMP, WE ARE FRIENDLY." "I SAW HIM LAST MONTH AND HE SAID I WAS HIS FAVORITE COMEDIAN." "IF THIS IS GOOD OR BAD, I'M NOT SURE." "I FEEL LIKE I COULD GET INTO HIS CABINET NOW." "I FEEL LIKE ANY SECOND, HE'S GOING TO CALL AND BUMP ME UP" "FROM ROAST MASTER GENERAL TO SECRETARY OF DEFENSE." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] HE'LL BE LIKE, ROSS, I NEED FOUR" "INSULTS ABOUT CHINA BY 3:00." "YES, DEAR FÜHRER I'LL BE THERE IN 20 MINUTES, I PROMISE." "COME ON, I'M ALREADY HELPING TRUMP RIGHT HIS NEW BOOK." "IT'S CALLED MY CONFERENCE IS BIGGER THAN IT YOUR KAMPF." "[LAUGHTER] HI, WAVE." "IT GIVE IT UP FOR THE WAVE, EVERYBODY." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] I NEED YOU GUYS TO GO EXTRA NEXT" "TONIGHT, BECAUSE COMEDY IS THE NEW RESISTANCE." "LET'S SAY HI TO TONIGHT'S FREEDOM FIGHTERS, TJ MILLER," "BASIN TODAY BECAUSE, PATTON OSWALT, NATOSHA!" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] THANK YOU." "HOW ARE YOU FEELING, JUDGES?" "GREAT." "FANTASTIC, THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE." "YOULOOKFANTASTIC,ALL OF YOU." "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING A SPIRIT I WANT YOU TO HOLD YOUR" "FIRE FOR NOW, BECAUSE WE STILL HAVE TWO BATTLES TO GO." "DUDE, YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT." "THANKYOU." "IKNOWABOUTHOW THESETHINGS GO." "YOULOOKGREAT,YOU LOOKLIKE  WILLY WONKA'S MAÎTRE D'." "LISTEN,WEHAVEALITTLEKIDS TABLE FOR ALL THE OOMPA LOOMPAS" "TOO." "I'MALREADYWARNINGYOU , WE'RE GOING TO BE GOING LONG" "TONIGHT ON COMEDY CENTRAL." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] THE STARVING ANIMAL COMMERCIALS" "ARE GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT A LITTLE WHILE, BECAUSE WE'VE" "STILL GOT TWO BATTLES TO GO BEFORE OUR CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH." "TONIGHT'S FIRST SEMIFINAL MATCH WILL BE THE FIGHTING FERRY, JOE" "DOSCH VERSUS LEGENDARY DOORMAN FRANK CASTILLO!" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] AND THEN, WE'LL SEE OUR FAVORITE" "CUNNING CURMUDGEON MR. TODD BARRY VERSUS THE HUMAN HEAD SHOT" "MATTHEW BROUSSARD!" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] THEN LATER TONIGHT, THE TWO" "WINNERS OF THOSE MATCHES WILL FACE EACH OTHER AND A FINAL" "EXTENDED BATTLE TO SEE WHO IS CROWNED OUR ROAST BATTLE" "CHAMPION." "WE ARE LIVE ON COMEDY CENTRAL, ARE YOU READY, LOS ANGELES?" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] GIVE IT UP BEFORE OUR REFEREE," "BRIAN MOTHER [BLEEP] MOSES!" "BATTLE!" "BATTLE!" "BATTLE!" "[LAUGHS] OH, YOU MANIACS!" "OH, IT'S GOOD TO FEEL THE SYRIAN REFUGEES IN THE HOUSE!" "THIS BEEN THE MOST INCREDIBLE WEEK OF ROAST BATTLES LIFE!" "BECAUSE WE ARE STILL ON AIR." "LET'S GET INTO IT." "OUR FIRST IN A SEMIFINAL MATCH IS OUR DIVERSITY HALF OF THE" "BRACKET." "HE'S PLOWED THROUGH MORE WOMEN IN THIS COMPETITION THEN HE HAS" "IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE." "TWO." "TWO WOMEN." "HE FELT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, AND HE IS ALSO GOOD AT ROASTING." "SHOW SOME LOVE FOR THIS TENACIOUS TWINKIE, JOE DOSCH!" "♪ [CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]" "THANKYOUSO MUCH." "MY WORD!" "THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH." "SOYOUDRESSEDINALLBLUE?" "MOSES,I HAVETO SAYIT'SAN HONOR TO BE HERE ON THE FINAL" "NIGHT OF JEFF ROSS'S ROAST." "HEHASAN EVENJUDGEYOU." "OUR NEXT OPPONENT IS A CINDERELLA STORY, THAT'S ONLY" "BECAUSE AS A CLEAN THIS PLEASE UP AFTERWARDS." "GIVE IT UP FOR ALTA RISO, FRANK CASTILLO!" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "YEAH!" "JEFF!" "WE'VE GOT GAY VERSUS OLE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?" "CONGRATULATIONSFRANK,YOU'RE THE ONLY MEXICAN IN AMERICA" "WHO'S HAD A GOOD WEEK." "I LOVE THIS." "JUDGES, THIS IS A GREAT, LOCAL, BELLY ROOM COMEDY STORY." "TWO LOCAL LEGENDS." "WE'VE GOT MARI ARCHIE VERSUS LIBERACE LET'S DO THIS." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] I'M PROUD OF BOTH OF YOU" "ALREADY." "IT ROAST BATTLE HAS CHANGED BOTH OF YOUR LIVES THIS WEEK, IT'S" "BEEN AMAZING TO WATCH." "THAT BEING SAID, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE ONE OF YOU LOSE." "LET'SGETTO THERULESTHEN ." "AT FIRST ROLE, NOTHING IS OFF-LIMITS." "FRANK, DON'T MATTHEW SHEPARD HIM." "JOE, DON'T JEFFREY DAHMER HIM." "WE'LL NUMBER TWO, ORIGINAL MATERIAL ONLY." "THIRD RULE, AT THE END OF EVERY BATTLE, WE HUG." "ONE ROUND, FOR JOKES, WHO WANTS TO GO FIRST?" "I'LLGOFIRST." "HE'SSUCHASWEETHEART." "IT LETS ROAST!" "THANKYOUSO MUCH." "SEINFELD MADE A SHOW ABOUT FRANK'S LIFE CALLED COMEDIANS" "PARKING CARS SERVING COFFEE." "[LAUGHS] [LAUGHTER]" "JOE'SFOREHEADLOOKSLIKEIT ADDED A SECOND STORY SO THERE" "WOULD BE MORE ROOM TO THINK ABOUT DECKS." "[LAUGHTER] SPIEGELMAN MUSTER AND WHITE" "PEOPLE HATE, MOSTLY BECAUSE HE CHEWS THROUGH THEIR SPRINKLER" "SYSTEMS." "JOE'SLIKEABASEBALL,HE LOVES GETTING SMASHED IN THE" "PARK BY CUBANS." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] THANKYOURECESSOFGENE" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] THANKYOURECESSOFGENE" "GARROTTE FLOW." "YOUAREWELCOME,JUICYPINK  MEN." "[LAUGHTER] COMEON,JOE." "FRANCIS,YOULOOKLIKEYOU DISCOVERED MASTURBATING WHILE" "YOU STILL BELIEVED IN SANTA CLAUS." "JOE'S30WHITEBLOODCELLS AWAY FROM FULL-BLOWN AIDS." "TIMEANDPLACE." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] LASTJOKE!" "HEYEVERYBODY,WHATDID THE  MEN I HAVE SEX WITH AND FRANK" "HAVE IN COMMON?" "THEY BOTH HAVE SOMETHING TO PARK IN THE BACK." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "WHATTHE[BLEEP]JUST HAPPENED?" "DOES HE WORK HERE?" "WHAT WAS THAT?" "JOEISSO RACIST,HEMAKESOF BLACK GUYS DRINK HIS JIZZ FROM A" "SEPARATE FOUNTAIN." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] WOW." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] JEFFROSS!" "THAT'S HOW YOU START THE FINALS OF ROAST BATTLE!" "SAY SOMETHING!" "YOUTHREWSOMETHUNDEROUT THERE TONIGHT." "YOU REALLY DID." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] DROPPING SOME REVERSE JUJU WITH" "THE CURTSIES TOO." "VERY IMPRESSED BY THE MATERIAL THAT BOTH OF THESE BATTLERS LAID" "OUT TONIGHT." "NATASHA LOOKS READY, PATTON LOOKS READY." "ICAMEINTOTHISVERY ,VERY  PREJUDICED BECAUSE I'M A HUGE" "JOE DOSCH FAN." "YOU'VE BEEN AMAZING." "THAT'SNOTMY LASTNAME,BUT THANK YOU." "IALSOCAMEINVERY  PREJUDICED, BECAUSE I DO NOT" "LIKE MEXICANS." "FRANK, YOU THREW A KNOCKOUT PUNCH TO START, AND YOU JUST DID" "NOT STOP PUMMELING." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ONEFORFRANK." "IT  NATOSHA?" "THISISSO HARD,BECAUSEI WANT TO VOTE FOR THE MEXICAN" "BECAUSE OF TRUMP, AND I ALSO WANT TO VOTE FOR THE GAY GUY" "BECAUSE OF TRUMP." "[LAUGHTER] WHY DOES TRUMP HAVE TO BE OUR" "PRESIDENT?" "THAT WOULD MAKE IT SO MUCH EASIER." "YOU GUYS WERE BOTH SO GREAT, YOU REALLY HAD SUCH GREAT MATERIAL." "JOE, YOU ARE SO CONFIDENT, YOU CALLED HIM FRANCIS AT SOME" "POINT." "YOU'RE GETTING INTO IT." "SECOND STORY FOR HEAD, WHATEVER YOU SAID ABOUT ALL THE TICS IN" "HIS MIND." "I THINK " " DID YOU VOTE FOR SOMEONE?" "NATOSHA,THISISN'TSEX ,YOU  ARE ALLOWED TO FINISH." "I'MGOINGTO VOTEFOR FRANK." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] IWASGONNASAY ,ONLYBECAUSE" "HE LOOKS SO POOR." "[LAUGHTER] HEISSO POOR." "MOVIESTAR,JASONSUDEIKIS." "THATWASN'TVERYNICEOFYOU." "GREAT JOB, BOTH AND THANK YOU BOTH WERE WEARING BLUE." "EXCELLENT." "FRANK, GREAT JOKES, EXCELLENT JOKES, RECYCLE ONE OF THEM." "THIRD ONE, I DIDN'T QUITE GET, BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE OF MY" "HEARING." "NOT YOUR FAULT, THAT'S MORE OF A NOTE FOR ME." "[LAUGHTER] JOE, I LIKE HOW WHEN YOU DELIVER" "A JOKE, HALFWAY THROUGH, YOU'RE LIKE I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS" "HAPPENED." "YOU'RE LIKE, HERE, TAKE THIS." "I DON'T NEED THIS PUNCHLINE, I'VE BEEN KICKING AROUND WITH IT" "FOR ABOUT 20 SECONDS." "IT'S NICE TO SEE A NICE SPIT SHINE, OR A SWALLOW SHINE, I" "DON'T KNOW." "I WILL SAY, I'M GOOD TO BE VERY SHALLOW HERE AND I'M GETTING" "GIVE IT TO JOE JUST FOR MERELY PULLING TOGETHER A REALLY NICE" "LOOK CARE." "HEDIDWEARHIS FINESTHOODIE OVER HIS FINEST FLANNEL." "BYTHEWAY,JASONLOVEDYOU IN DJANGO UNCHAINED." "BYTHEWAY,JASONLOVEDYOU IN DJANGO UNCHAINED." "IHADAGREATTIME ,FIRSTOF ALL WATCHING YOU TWO GUYS." "IT WAS REALLY FUN." "JOE, YOU HAVE A REAL PENSION FOR ENDING A JOKE." "IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT [BLEEP] YOU SAID, IT'S JUST ABOUT " " IS THIS" "REAL?" "IS THIS HAPPENING?" "OBVIOUSLY, I LIKE HER BLAZER." "YOU'LL LIKE JIMINY CRICKET IS TALKING KIDS OUT OF SUICIDE." "HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE YOUR LAST NAME?" "DOSH." "IWASVOTINGFOR JOE DOUCHE." "IWASVOTINGFOR JOE DOUCHE." "HIS WRITING IS IMPECCABLE." "THISISAGOODTIME TOTELL EVERY COMEDIAN OUT THERE IF" "PATTON OSWALT MISSES PRONOUNCES YOUR LAST NAME AND A COMPETENT," "CALL HIM OUT ON LIVE TELEVISION." "FRANK, YOU ARE AMAZING." "YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON OF COLOR THAT JOE KNOWS OUTSIDE OF" "THE CAST OF HAMILTON." "NATOSHA IS RIGHT." "FRANK, YOU'RE ONE OF THE GOOD MEXICANS." "I'M SERIOUS." "WEIGHT!" "LOOK AT HOW NONTHREATENING HE LOOKS." "HE'S THE TYPE OF GUY THAT JUST ROLLS AROUND AND IS LOW RIDER" "BLASTING PATTON OSWALT ALBUMS." "TJ, PICK SOMEBODY." "WE ARE LIVE." "THIS IS AN "OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY," OKAY?" "BLANKYOU,GUY." "JOE, YOUR SAID WAS MAGIC." "ANOTHERVOTEFORJOE DOSCH." "MAKEITOFFICIAL." "LETMETELLYOU SOMETHING, JOE DOSCH, I SAW YOU DOING ROAST" "BATTLES THESE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS FROM AN OPEN MIC TO A VERY" "CUTTING SORT OF HEADLINER." "YOU'RE SO FUNNY." "I THINK IT'S PRETTY CLEAR THAT FRANK CASTILLO WON THIS ROAST" "BATTLE." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] MOVING ON TO THE FINALS, FRANK" "CASTILLO!" "COMING UP, IT'S THE BATTLE YOU BEEN WAITING FOR." "MATTHEW BROUSSARD VERSUS TODD BARRY." "♪ WEAREBACKAND BEAR100%" "LIVE." "OUR DISK JOCKEY, THAT'S MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND, DJ LOW KEY." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] WE HAVE ANOTHER SEMIFINAL" "BATTLE, WHOSE READY?" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] OUR FIRST ROASTER IS HOT, HE" "PROBABLY OWNS A YACHT." "KEEP IT GOING FOR THE POWERHOUSE, MATTHEW BROUSSARD." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "YOUAREHERE." "HEDIDN'TEVENHAVETORAISE  HIS VOICE TO CRUSH THE LAST" "COMPETITION." "WE LOVE HIM, BUT HE BARELY WANTS TO BE HERE." "TODD BARRY!" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "TODD,THANKSFORSTAYINGUP LATE, I KNOW IT'S PAST YOUR" "BEDTIME." "IDON'TEVENGET THAT." "THISISAMAZING." "MATTHEW, JUDGES, IF YOU DON'T KNOW THESE TWO, MATTHEW LOOKS" "LIKE A GUY WHO WOULD BANG YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND PROBABLY LOOKS" "LIKE THE GUY WHO WOULD VIDEOTAPE IT." "I LOVE YOU TODD FOR DOING THIS TOURNAMENT." "MATTHEW BROUSSARD, TODD, THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS." "THIS IS GOING TO BE A BLOODBATH." "SHOTS FIRED, TODD BARRY." "YOUKNOWTHERULES,FOR JOKES, WHO'S GOING FIRST?" "PASSIVEAGGRESSIVE,LESS ROAST!" "BEFOREI START,IWANTTOSAY THAT THAT CAT JUST DID SOMETHING" "THAT MATTHEW HAS NEVER DONE." "HE HAS A PAID GIG." "[LAUGHTER] [CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]" "MATTHEW REALLY WON THE GENETIC LOTTERY." "THE COMBINATION OF GOOD LOOKS AND CORNY JOKES IS GODS WAY OF" "SAYING YOU'RE GOING TO DIE A GAME SHOW HOST." "[LAUGHTER] [CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]" "TODD,YOULOOKLIKEA MAKE-A-WISH KID WHO FORGOT TO" "DIE." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] I'VESEENYOUONA STAGE,YOU" "COULD PROBABLY TEACH ME ABOUT DYING." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] YOU KNOW, MATTHEW DOESN'T EVEN" "FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER." "THAT'S LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER NOT FOLLOWING THE BEATLES." "YOU GUYS HAVE TO LAUGH LOUDER AT THAT ONE." "TODD,YOUMAYBEMORE  SUCCESSFUL THAN ME, BUT YOUR 52," "NO WIFE, NO FAMILY." "YOU'VE HAD A LOT OF GREAT STAND-UP SPECIALS, BUT THAT'S A" "ONE-MAN SHOW." "[LAUGHTER] ♪" "TOREITERATE,IAMMORE  SUCCESSFUL THAN YOU." "[LAUGHTER] I WAS TALKING TO MATTHEW, HE WAS" "TELLING ME YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT MY BLOG, IT'S CALLED THE MONDAY" "POND DAY." "I SAID THANKS FOR THE WARNING." "[LAUGHTER] TODD,YOU'RENOTONLYCREEPY," "YOU'RE ALSO PRETENTIOUS." "YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY WHO WOULD WATCH CHILD PORN AND SAY I" "PREFER THE BOOK." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] LASTJOKE!" "MATTHEW,YOUALLRIGHT?" "MATTHEW IS A THINKING MAN'S ANTHONY JESELNIK." "EXCEPT A THINKING MAN WOULD THINK THAT ANTHONY IS FUNNIER." "[LAUGHTER] TODD,YOUAREWELLKNOWNIN" "THE COMEDY COMMUNITY." "YOU BEEN ON LOUIS'S DICK FOR 20 YEARS." "HE LETS ALL OF HIS FRIENDS PASS THEM BY." "ANDTHATWILLDOITFORTHE SEMIFINALS." "TODD BARRY, MATTHEW BROUSSARD." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] IDON'TWANTTOSPEND" "HILARIOUS, BOTH OF YOU." "IT JUST TOTALLY HILARIOUS." "I'VE BEEN LAUGHING SO HARD." "SO MANY JUMP IN HERE." "IT WAS LIKE WATCHING THE SCHOOL BURLEY." "IGOTTASAY,IT'SCRAZY." "TODD BARRY, YOU'RE IN A LUMINARY, AN ICON." "YOU'RE MY FAVORITE CAUTIONARY TALE." "[LAUGHTER] THAT BEING SAID, REALLY, I HAVE" "LOOKED UP YOUR JOKE WRITING SKILLS, YOUR SO, SO FUNNY." "YOUR OPPONENT, WAS FUNNY BUT I'M DISTRACTED BY HOW YOU LOOK LIKE" "SOME PIECE OF SHIP BLUE-BLOODED, EAST COAST, HARVARD, BULL SHIP," "YALE." "HE LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF GUY AT NATASHA WOOD DATE." "VERY FUNNY, BUT TODD BARRY, MUCH FUNNIER, MUCH STRONGER, MUCH" "BETTER JOKE WRITING." "TODDBARRY,ONEVOTE." "NATOSHA?" "FORTHERECORD,MATTHEWIS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY TASTE." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] TODD, THAT WAS SO GREAT." "TODD LOOKS LIKE THE GUY WHO THE GIRL WOULD GO TO CONSOLING FOR" "WHO MATTHEW RAPED." "WHAT'S THE PERCENTAGE MATTHEW HASN'T DATE RAPED SOMEONE?" "CAN YOU GO LESS THAN 0%?" "YOU'RE VERY CUTE." "I REALLY FELT IN THIS ROAST THAT YOU GUYS WEREN'T GOING ANYWHERE." "IT FELT LIKE ALL IN THE NAME OF THE ROAST, I FELT LIKE IT WAS SO" "GREAT." "IFYOUHADTOPICK SOME BUDDY LIKE NOW, WHO WOULD YOU PICK?" "[LAUGHTER] IWOULDHAVETOPICK TODD ," "BECAUSE HE IS THE MASTER." "INTERESTING." "THATMATTHEWREALLYHOLDHIS OWN." "TOMACKFORTODD LISTEN,THEYWERETOLDTOTO" "TOE, EVERY INSULT WAS ANSWERED." "TODD, FROM SHEER VOLUME, YOU GOT IN THE INSULT BEFORE YOU DID" "YOUR INSULT." "I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU PULL THAT OFF." "MATTHEW'S WRITING IS AMAZING, TODD, WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A" "MILLION YEARS, I'VE BEEN A FAN OF YOURS FOR A BIT LONGER." "I'M SORRY, WRITINGWISE, I HAVE TO GIVE IT TO MATT." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] I'M SORRY, I LOVE YOU, BUT" "SORRY." "TOMACK FOR 2 FOR TODD, ONE FOR MATTHEW." "STICK OUT THIS IS GREAT." "THIS IS AN ALBRIGHT CHAT ROOM." "IT'S FANTASTIC." "IT'S TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN AND I HATE YOU BOTH IN EQUAL" "MEASURE IN THAT REGARD." "TODD, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN NICE TO ME, BUT THEN AGAIN, I WAS" "INTRODUCED TO YOU BY ONE OF YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS, THAT WAS PROBABLY" "WHY." "IT'S REALLY NICE TO BE IN A SITUATION WHERE I'M JUDGING YOU" "VERSUS THE OTHER WAY AROUND." "[LAUGHTER] MATTHEW, FANTASTIC JOB, I THINK" "JUST WRITING WISE, I'VE GOTTA GIVE IT TO MATTHEW." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] WEHAVEATIE !" "2-2." "JEFF ROSS, IT ALL COMES DOWN TO YOU." "THAT'SFINE." "THAT'S FINE." "THAT'S FINE." "HOLD ON, THAT'S FINE." "HOLD ON A SECOND." "TODD, YOU CAME OUT COUNTER PUNCHING SO FUNNY." "THE GAME SHOW HOST, THE CASTING, BUT MATTHEW, THE MAKE-A-WISH" "JOKE, ONE-MAN SHOW, THE CHILD PORN JOKE." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] TODD, IF YOU WANT A SCORE, AND I" "DID, I THINK TODD, YOU DIDN'T MISS ONE JOKE." "TODD HAD A PERFECT RECORD." "TODD, IT'S BEEN SO FUN WATCHING THE GUY WHO BUSTED MY BALLS MY" "WHOLE CAREER." "YOU'RE A TRUE MASTER AT WHAT YOU DO." "[LAUGHTER] I'LL SAY THIS." "YOU BROUGHT YOUR STYLE TO THE ROASTING GAME AND I'M VERY" "IMPRESSED BY THAT." "ON SCORING, MATTHEW BROUSSARD GOES TO THE FINALS." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] MATTHEWBROUSSARDGOINGTO" "THE FINALS!" "FRANK CASTILLO VERSUS MATTHEW BROUSSARD WHEN WE COME BACK." "ROAST BATTLE LIVE!" "♪ ♪" "WELCOMEBACKTO THELIE THE  FINALE!" "THE FOLLOWING MATCH." "WE JUST WITNESSED TWO INSANE BATTLES." "FRANK CASTILLO BEAT JOE DOSCH." "AND MATTHEW BROUSSARD SQUEEZED BY LEGEND AND VETERAN TODD BARR" "BARRY." "THIS INCREDIBLE FINAL BATTLE WILL DECIDE OUR ROAST BATTLE" "CHAMPION." "JUST HEADING BACK THERE." "IN JUST ONE WEEK, HIS LIFE'S BEEN COMPLETE BE TURNED UPSIDE" "DOWN." "LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT OUR FAVORITE DOORMAN, FRANK" "CASTILLO." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] MYFIRSTJOBWAS HERETHE" "COMEDY STORE, CHECKING IDs." "THIS IS COMEDY COLLEGE." "THAT'S HER TIME TO STUDY." "I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNED WHILE WORKING HERE." "NOTHING FEELS BETTER THAN MAKING FUN OF YOU." "HESHOWSHISBALLSALLTHE TIME ANYWAY." "IT FEELS GOOD TO MAKE FUN OF WHITE GUYS." "WHYAREYOURLIPSSOBIG?" "ARE THEY IRRITATED FROM CONSTANTLY SHUSHING BLACK PEOPL" "PEOPLE?" "MOTHER,CANYOULOOKATME  ONE TIME?" "I PICKED A WINNER RIGHT THERE." "MYMOMDOESCRACKTHEWHIPON ME, BUT SHE WANTS ME TO BE AT A" "HIGHER STANDARD." "HEKNOWSHOWTOTAKE THEM OFF THAT STAGE." "OFTHEFIRSTEPISODE,MYMOM WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT?" "HELOOKSLIKEGENESIMMONS WITHOUT MAKEUP." "FRANKCASTILLO!" "HEREALLYNEEDEDTHIS." "I'M PROUD OF HIM." "I'M GOING TO START CRYING." "ADREAMCOMETRUE,ANDI ALSO KNOW HOW TO GET A BUNCH MORE" "SHIPS COVERED." "I WANT TO PUT A GREAT SHOW, BUT MANDER WANT TO TAKE THE WHOLE" "THING DUDE,IFYOUHAVETHIS MUCH" "FUN ON STAGE, YOU'RE GOING TO DO GREAT." "I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, FRANK." "THANKYOUSO MUCH,JEFF." "SHUTOUTTO HERFAMILY WATCHING LIVE ON UNIVISION." "GO GET HIM, BUDDY." "WHERE IS MATTHEW?" "LOOK AT YOU, YOU ARE IN IT FULL ROAST MODE OUT THERE." "ITWASSCARY,TODDISLIKE THE DEVIL." "YOUREALLYEARNEDITANDYOU KILLED IT." "GO BIG THIS TIME PEERED HAD SOME FUN OUT THERE." "I WANT THE FANS TO LEARN A LITTLE MORE ABOUT YOU." "LET'S LOOK AT HIS PACKAGE." "THISISMY CREDOSPACE, WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT." "I HAVE TWO FULL-GROWN ROOMMATES, THEIR TWO GIANT MAN CHILDREN." "THIS IS WHERE I WRITE MY JOKES, SOME COOL SCULPTURES, I'M MAKING" "A LITTLE PLAY REPLICA OF THE ROAST BATTLE TROPHY I HOPE I'M" "TAKING HOME." "IT'S NOT THE SAME AS THE REAL THING, BUT IT'S DEFTLY MORE" "PORTABLE." "I'M NOT LIKE OBSESSED WITH SCULPTING OR ANYTHING, IT" "DOESN'T TAKE OVER MY LIFE." "I WANT TO SWIM IN IT." "WHEN I'M PREPPING A ROAST, I FREE MY MIND AND JUST VIBE OUT." "I STARTED COMEDY BACK WHEN I WAS 22 YEARS OLD, SO NOW I WANT THIS" "TO GO WELL SO I CAN KEEP DOING COMEDY TO FEED MYSELF AND PAY" "RENT." "MY FATHER WAS A CHEMIST, MY MOTHER STUDIED BIOLOGY, AND MY" "OTHER IS A MECHANICAL ENGINEER." "SO I'M A FAILURE." "I TRIED TO DO SCIENCE HE JOKES." "THATISSO MASSIVE,THATHE REPROACHES SERVICE, TIME" "CONTRACTS WHICH EXPLAINS WHY HIS CAREER IS GOING NOWHERE." "MATTHEWBROUSSARD!" "PEOPLEMAKEFUNOFMEFOR LOOKING LIKE A PRIVILEGED WHITE" "BOY WHO MAY OR MAY NOT DATE RATE ON THE SIDE." "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME." "I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR SOME REALLY MEAN JOKES ABOUT ME." "I'M HAPPY TO HAVE GOTTEN THIS FAR." "I CAN MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH AND SAY MEAN THINGS TO PEOPLE'S BIG UGLY" "FACES RIGHT IN THEIR STUPID FAC FACE." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] YEAH!" "OH, MY GOD, HE'S HERE!" "FRAT BOY VERSUS RAT BOY." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] BATTLE" "♪ WELCOMEBACKTO THEWORLD" "CHAMPIONSHIP OF COMPETITIVE ROASTING." "WE ARE LIVE." "AT THIS IS RIGHT NOW!" "IT'S LIKE SPORTS, EXCEPT NO ONE HEARS ON STEROIDS." "WHO'S READY FOR THE NEXT BATTLE?" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] JASON'S READY." "WHOAREYOUBATTLING,JASON?" "I'MREADY!" "HENEVERTHOUGHTHE'DGET THIS FAR, USUALLY BECAUSE HE" "STOPPED AT IMMIGRATION." "HIS MOM CHEERED HIM THROUGH THE WHOLE THING." "HE'S FRANK CASTILLO!" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "YOUROPPONENTFORTHE  CHAMPIONSHIP, IT TOOK THREE" "WEEKS TO GET HIS REVENGE -- [LAUGHS]" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING RIGHT NOW." "HE'S GOT PERFECT HAIR, HE BUT THE JOCK AND JOCULAR." "GIVE IT UP FOR MATTHEW BROUSSARD." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "HOLYCRAP." "JEFF, WE HAVE WHITE PRIVILEGED VERSUS PRIVILEGED TO BE HERE." "ICAN'TWAITFOR THISJUMPING SHIP BATTLE, FOLKS." "IT'S LIKE A GOLFER YELLING AT HIS GROUNDSKEEPER." "BOTH OF YOU HAVE REALLY EARNED YOUR SPOT AT THE FINALS, GO" "CRAZY FELLOWS." "WEARELIVE." "THIS IS IT." "GENERALLY, FOR THE CHAMPION SHIP." "IT'S FIVE JOKES." "WHO WANTS TO GO FIRST?" "OF COURSE YOU WILL." "FRANK,I 'MNOTSURPRISEDTO BE JOE." "I FIGURED A MEXICAN WOULD BE ABLE TO PICK OFF A FRUIT." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] MATT'SA BIGFANOFONETREE" "HILL, NOT THE SHOW, BUT THE PLACE WHERE HIS FAMILY USED TO" "HANG BLACK PEOPLE." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] FRANK,I DON'TAPPRECIATEYOU" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] FRANK,I DON'TAPPRECIATEYOU" "PAINTING AS A RACIST." "KEEPGOING,KEEPGOING." "THANKYOUMATTHEWMCKINDAGAY." "THANKYOUMATTHEWMCKINDAGAY." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ORDER!" "MATTHEWDOESN'TDO DRUGS,HIS  UNSUSPECTING VICTIMS DO." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] FRANK'SMAMASUPPORTINGHIM" "HERE TONIGHT." "SHE'S YOUNGER THAN HE IS." "MATT'SA LOTLIKETHE FOODOF MY WORK." "HE'S ABOUT TO GET SERVED BY A MEXICAN." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ♪" "ALLEGEIT,A LEGEND." "THEPRICETONIGHTISTONY  $5,000, WHICH IS SAD BECAUSE" "EVEN IF IT FRANKLINS IT, HE'LL USE IT FOR THE WALL" "WOMENHAVEJUSTDESCRIBED MATT AS TALL, HANDSOME, ARMED" "AND ON FOOT, LAST SEEN LEAVING THROUGH THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] GENTLEMENCOMEOUTLASTJOKE" "THE CHAMPIONSHIP." "GOODGOD." "FRANK,THESADPARTIS, YOU'RE HISPANIC, BUT" "DISAPPOINTEDLY SO." "YOUR AS MEXICAN AS A BURRITO." "[BOOING] MATT'SINREALLYGREATSHAPE." "HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S BEEN TRAINING HIS WHOLE LIFE TO RUN THE ARYAN" "RACE." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] THAT'SIT!" "FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP!" "MAKE SOME NOISE!" "WE ARE GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT, JUDGES!" "THIS IS CRAZY." "WE ARE GOING TO COME BACK WITH YOUR DECISION NEXT COME ALIVE." "♪ WEARELIVE!" "FRANK CASTILLO AND MATTHEW VIZARD HAD A FEROCIOUS BATTLE." "OUR JUDGES ARE READY TO DECLARE A CHAMPION." "IJUSTWANTTOACKNOWLEDGE, ROAST BATTLE ONE CHAMPION IN THE" "HOUSE." "POLLY, WHAT'S UP, PAULY?" "I REALLY ENJOYED WATCHING BOTH OF YOU THIS ENTIRE TOURNAMENT." "YOUCANNOTRIPEACHOTHER APART THE WAY THESE TWO GUYS" "JUST DID, UNLESS YOU ARE FRIENDS AND TO LOVE EACH OTHER." "THAT WAS." "THIS IS WHAT COMEDIANS DO WHEN WE'RE HANGING OUT." "WE WIPE OUR ASSES WITH EACH OTHER'S SOULS AND IT'S" "BEAUTIFUL." "YOU GUYS ARE BOTH AMAZING." "THIS IS FRANK'S ALL THE WAY." "FANTASTIC." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] ONEVOTEFORFRANK." "TJ." "IT TJ, YOU LOOK VERY CONTEMPLATIVE." "IS EVERYTHING OKAY OVER THERE?" "IAMDEEPINTHOUGHT." "I LIKED BOTH OF YOU GUYS." "IT'S CLEAR WHY BOTH OF YOU HAVE RISE THIS POINT AT YOUR CAREERS." "ONE OF YOU WILL LOOK BACK AT THIS AND REGRET EVER ENTERING" "STAND-UP COMEDY." "HOPEFULLY." "MATTHEW, IS IT?" "DO YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER CALL YOU MATTHEW BECAUSE I KNOW YOU" "CALL THEM MOTHER AND FATHER AND DID NOT AND MOM." "WAS YOURS THE JOKE THAT WAS THE JOKE ABOUT THE BURRITO?" "THATWASMY JOKE." "IT SPAKE OUT THAT WAS AS FUNNY AS JAR JAR BINKS." "QUIET!" "QUIET ALL OF YOU." "WHAT YOU DON'T REALIZE IS THAT IT'S IMPORTANT FOR US TO PROTECT" "A VERY SPECIFIC DEMOGRAPHIC IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA." "HANDSOME, RICH, FORMER FINANCIAL ANALYST." "FRANK, YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO WOULD BOOTLEG MY MOVIES." "SOWHATAREYOU SAYING,TJ?" "IVOTEFORMATTHEW." "ONEFORMATTHEW,ONE FOR  FRANK." "ANEXCELLENTPERFORMANCE." "I LOVED IT." "TODD BARRY SHOULD'VE WON, BUT HERE WE ARE." "LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS." "JASON." "WE HAVE ONE VOTE FOR EACH RATE NOW." "JASON SUDEIKIS." "BOTHGREATWRITINGONBOTH  SIDES." "MATTHEW, YOU GOT REAL NERVOUS, YOU DIDN'T WAIT FOR THE AUDIENC" "AUDIENCE." "THEY COULDN'T HEAR IT." "IN THE DUNK CONTEST, YOU SWITCH IT UP AND YOU DID JOKE THAT" "WASN'T FUNNY." "[LAUGHTER] KEEP YOUR EYE ON IT." "IT WAS AMAZING." "YOU AND AGAINST TODD BARRY IN THE SEMIS." "PEOPLE CAN DO IMPRESSIONS OF HIM." "I FEEL LIKE TO DO AN IMPRESSION OF YOU, I HAVE TO GET BRACES." "YOULOOKYOUNG,AND YOU 'REAN ASS HOLE." "FRANK,JUSTONEAFTER ANOTHER, IT WASN'T SOMETHING" "ELSE TO WATCH." "IT WAS GOOD TO SEE." "IT WAS REALLY GOOD TO SEE." "I WILL SAY, AS FAR AS THE BIG WINNER TONIGHT, IT'S PROBABLY" "THE ROAST BATTLE." "BATTLE!" "BATTLE!" "ONEOFTHEFUNNIESTANDMOST DELIBERATE CO-OPTING OF THE" "BLACK CULTURE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE." "IT REALLY IMPRESSIVE, JEFF, REALLY AMAZING HOW YOUR BRAIN" "WORKS." "I GIVE IT TO FRANK." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] TWOVOTESFORFRANK." "A ROASTING EXPERT, NATOSHA, WHO DO YOU LIKE AND THIS ONE?" "JEFF,I DON'TCAREWHO WINS." "I'M JUST HERE TO [BLEEP] THE WAVE." "I AGREE WITH JASON." "IT YOU HAVE REALLY CAPTURED THE SPIRIT OF THE LIVE TOAST." "THANKYOUVERYMUCH." "I GOT A LOT OF HELP HERE." "WE HAVE AN AMAZING GROUP, COMEDY CENTRAL." "BRIAN, YOU REALLY KILLED IT." "WAIT,I GETTO VOTE." "OKAY,WELL,FORACOUPLEMORE YEARS, AT LEAST." "WOULD YOU LIKE?" "MATTHEW,WHATAREYOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR PUNCH CARD WHEN" "THEY SHUT PLANNED PARENTHOOD DOWN?" "THEY WERE BOTH SO AMAZING, I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN WATCHING" "FRANK TO THE BATTLES FOR A LONG TIME AND HAS GOTTEN MORE AND" "MORE CONFIDENT, BUT KIND OF GAY." "ONE TREE HILL." "IT'SA GREATSHOW." "BECAUSE THAT WAS YOUR JOKE, RIGHT?" "YEAH." "OKAY,I 'LLVOTEFORYOU ." "MAKEITOFFICIALJEFF." "IJUSTWANTTOSAYONETHING ABOUT THESE TWO GUYS PRETTY" "MATTHEW BROUSSARD, DREW CHAMPION, EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN'T" "WIN THE TOURNAMENT." "YOU'RE A CLASS ACT, GREAT MATERIAL, I CAN'T BELIEVE THE" "DOORMAN FROM THE COMEDY STORE ONE ROAST BATTLE TO!" "MAKESOMENOISEFOR FRANK CASTILLO!" "BATTLE!" "CASTILLE!" "OH, MY GOD, !" "OH, MY GOD, !" "THIS IS ADORABLE." "TRUMP ISN'T GOING TO LIKE THIS." "OH,MAMA." "FRANK, HOW DO YOU FEEL?" "IABSOLUTELYAMAZING." "THIS IS [BLEEP] CRAZY." "THANK YOU SO MUCH." "THIS IS FOR EVERYONE THAT WANTED TO CHASE A DREAM." "THIS IS FOR YOU GUYS." "FRANKCASTILLO,THANKYOU TO OUR JUDGES, TJ, JASON, PATTON," "NATOSHA." "BRIAN MOSES, I LOVE YOU BUDDY." "WILLSEEYOUAGAINATROAST  BATTLE THREE." "IN THE MEANTIME, KEEP LAUGHING AMERICA." "BATTLE!" "BATTLE!" "♪"