"THE HOUSE IN MONTEVIDEO" "A Moralistic Comedy by Curt Goetz" "Prof. Nagler's Family Album" "Father" "Mother" "Atlanta, 18 years old" "Parsival, 17 years old" "Elsa, 15 years old" "Wotan, 13 years old" "Freya, 12 years old" "Tristan, 10 years old" "Fricka, 8 years old" "Oktavius, 7 years old" "Krimhilde, 6 years old" "Dezimus, 5 years old" "Lohengrin, 4 years old" "Ultima, 2 years old" "Aunt Josephine" "Mother's Birthday" "Oh, how wonderful Is the wide, wide world" "And so we go walking Through the green, green fields" "To the blue, blue sea O'er valley and hill" "Yes, life is so very very fine!" "We go walking, we go walking" "From one place to the next" "We go walking, go walking" "Singing all the way" "Come on, children!" "Hooray!" "Come on now, children!" "The hat!" "The hat!" "My nice hat!" "Children, this time we've done it!" "No, you stay here!" "You come back here!" "You... you..." "You lobster!" "Have you ever heard such a thing!" "Would you look at this..." "Traugott, what do you say to this?" " But, but..." "Oh, no!" " What is it?" "The lobster got half of my hat!" "Then give it the other half too." "That's a good one!" "It'll be a bonnet for the little one!" "Come here, sweetie." "You see?" "She's got no hat, and now she has one." " All right, children..." "Line up!" "Two and three and..." "We're walking, we're walking" "From one place to the next" "We're walking, we're walking" "Singing all the way!" "Through thick and thin Two steps forward, two steps back" "We march the goose step All 12 through thick and thin" "To the end of the world Where the picket fence stands lt'll always go forwards and back!" "That's how it is in life As you search for happiness" "Sometimes it goes up, sometimes down Sometimes forward, sometimes back" "With music and humor You'll get farther in life..." "Children, gather 'round." "Come along children, yes..." "Don't forget to say hello to the Pastor." "Send those geese home." "Don't forget to wash your hands!" " My dear Marianne, allow me to wish you a happy birthday!" "How charming, Pastor!" "Such nice flowers." "I haven't come early without reason." " I'm sure." "You're here for lunch!" "Oh, Traugott!" " Should I really?" "Don't you have enough mouths to feed?" "One more mouth won't make a difference, Pastor." "Come on in, Pastor." " Yes." "Martha, did you hear what happened?" " Yes, the Pastor's staying for lunch." "No!" "My hat is gone." "Your hat?" " My nice hat." "Is there enough soup?" "No." " Now there is." "Let's see, dear children, what a delicious meal Mother has cooked." "Bon appetit!" " We always say grace, Pastor." "Whose turn is it?" " Ultima's!" "Come, dear Jesus, and be our guest... and bless this food and all the rest." "Bon appetit." " Amen, Pastor." "Amen!" "Tomato soup." "How delicious!" " That it is." "The tomato!" "Lycopersicum esculentum." "Apple of paradise, apple of love." "Apple of love due to the belief that it arouses passion." "Name the Mississippi's tributaries." "We haven't had that yet." " Then the Po, right side!" "And the left side, Fricka, quick!" "After the Latin "ne" and "num"?" "Wotan!" " After "ne" and "num", Ali goes mum." "The French prepositions." "Mother!" "The French prepositions rule the accusative!" "Everybody!" "The French prepositions rule the accusative!" "Well, Pastor?" " Bravo, bravo!" " What?" "Lohengrin's picking his nose." "Silence!" "Silence!" "Atlanta!" "Father?" " Why did you just choke?" "I had soup in my nose and eyes." " And why is that?" "I..." " You had to laugh." "Yes, I had to laugh." " Was that proper?" "It was not." " Well?" " I deserve and request punishment." "Go to the pantry with the culprit and continue eating there." "Yes, Father." " Shame on you." " Yes, Father." "Stop!" "What was that?" " Parsival tried to trip me." "Not true!" " It is true!" "Parsival?" " Father?" " Out." "Leave the plate, you're done eating." " She should open her eyes, the goose!" "Father?" " Come here." "What do you say?" " Thank you, Father." " Out!" "Wonderful!" " If only we had had the guidance of such a strong hand, the calamity wouldn't have occurred." "What is it this time?" " Parsival slapped Atlanta, Father!" "You're not to squeal!" "Don't you start crying too." "You're a good boy." "Go pout in the corner." "Well!" "Now we'll see about..." "What are you doing, children?" " Listening!" "That would suit you." "Come help me with the tables." "You'll continue eating in the kitchen." "Martha!" " Yes?" " Come here and help me with the tables." "The children will eat with you in the kitchen." " Yes." "Go on, children." "Take your plates and spoons." "Martha, come here." "The children will eat in the kitchen, and you'll continue to serve us here." "Make sure the little ones get enough to eat as well, so I don't have to worry about that too." "One spoon is missing." "Pardon me." "Martha!" "The plates, the plates." "Now things are somewhat settled." "I'm sorry, Pastor, you'll sit there." " Certainly, Ma'am." "No problem at all." "That's just the way it is with so many children." "You must be exhausted come evening." " You can say that again." "Getting dressed, getting undressed, washing, combing, sewing, mending." "You can't imagine how many feet 12 kids have, Pastor!" "And how many questions they ask in the course of a day." "Then there's my husband who needs waiting on." "Let me tell you, Pastor, if it weren't for the childbed, I wouldn't get any rest at all." "There!" "That will have gotten his attention." "The boy is at a difficult age." "Wouldn't even thank me for the beating!" "He didn't thank you!" " Don't worry, he did." "Well, then." " Pastor, if only we'd had the guidance of such a strong hand, the calamity would've never occurred." "Don't speak of it, Traugott." "Are you referring to your sister?" " To my calamitous sis..." "To my calamitous sister, indeed!" "Are you sure your sister is calamitous?" " I should hope so, Pastor." "I hope so." " Do you mean to say it's no misfortune to be expelled by the family and made to live abroad?" " Without a home!" " What a shame, indeed." " Indeed." "If I'm not mistaken, it was your doing." " It was my doing, that's true." ""If one eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away." "It's better to lose one of your members than lose your whole body to hell."" "Or something like that." " Precisely." " Precisely, you see?" "Am I to poison my own hearth as well?" " Poison!" " Poison." "Enough." "Now that's enough." "Come now, we're all sinners." "And that small misstep..." ""Small misstep?"" "What would you consider a bigger misstep, Pastor?" "Twins?" "Not in front of the Pastor!" "She was only 18 years old at the time." "She couldn't have started much earlier." "Please refrain from talking about that wretch." "But that is why I am here." " What?" "Yes." "Do you bring word of her?" " I certainly do." "What does she want?" "Money?" "A favor?" "Or does she want to be taken back in?" "Never, Pastor." "Never!" "Will she never..." "Will she never leave us alone?" "I have no money for adventurers!" "At my homely hearth there is no room for harlots!" "Harlots!" " Harlots!" " Calm down, Traugott." "I won't calm down!" " Relax, Professor." "Your sister wants neither a loan nor a return to the family." "But rather?" " What then?" "But rather, your beloved sister is dead." "Dead?" "Dead." "And this is about..." "The funeral expenses!" "Well, Traugott, we have no choice." " Did I already say no?" "There are other relatives, after all." " No, no, this isn't about funeral expenses, it's about the fortune your sister left behind." "Fortune?" " Well!" "You mean to say my sister was rich?" " Apparently so." "And it all goes to that little lout, I mean her son?" "No, the boy died when he was two." "The poor thing." "She didn't even tell us." "The bad woman." "The dear, good woman." " Yes, the dear, good woman." "The dear, good woman." "But she hardly thought it would've interested you." "Of course we'd have been interested!" " Especially after having been so involved in the whole story." "Is there a last will?" "Yes, there is one, and in it your dear sister seems to have willed something to you and your daughter Atlanta." "What do you say to that?" "Don't say a thing!" "I better read this letter to you first." ""Dear Pastor, as executors of Josephine Nagler's will, we hereby declare that the deceased has willed her estate in Montevideo to her brother Professor Traugott Hermann Nagler." "However, local regulations require that the heir be present in Montevideo in order to accept the inheritance." "The same goes for his daughter Atlanta, who is also considered in the will." "Ship tickets are herein included for the Professor, his wife and daughter." "As we don't have the Professor's current address, we ask that you, as the Professor's good friend, convey this letter to him." "Many thanks." "Signed, Perino, Perino and Perino, Attorneys at Law."" "Is there anyone in this room..." "Traugott!" "Your manners!" "I won't have this cane on the table!" " Mother..." "What is it?" " The Pastor." "Don't worry, I'll get it with the fork." " Yes, please." "Excuse me." " Please, don't fret yourself." "How embarrassing!" "Does anyone in this room think me to be so base that I will accept even one cent of that money?" "Are you both blind, or don't you see that the only thing she wants is to humiliate me when I accept the inheritance?" "Even so, she'll never know if you accept or not." " Why not?" "She's dead." " The Pastor's got a point." "You always think the Pastor has a point." "I'm afraid..." " Oh come on, you're not afraid." "Your conscience just plagues you." "You realize how cruel you were to your sister and how unworthy you are of her kindness." "First and foremost, you should think of your family." "But?" " But nothing." "You can't be so irresponsible as to shun the chance at a secure future?" "If you're going to put it that way, Pastor," "I'll have to think about it." "I knew you could be convinced." "Do not grin when you say that." " Why not?" "I said to get rid of that smile." "A smile can never hurt." "Yes it can." " How so?" "Where are the ship tickets?" " Here." "That's how." "There we have it." "Now you've ruined it." "That stubborn mule!" " But you know him." "He can't exist without his halo." " That's just what bothers me!" "He's a hypocrite!" "A plaster saint!" " But he doesn't know it." "He could use the lesson." "We could've used the inheritance too." "What are you looking for?" " Glue." "Here it is." "He means it well." "He'd be a different man with more money and less worries." "Different?" "Don't you mean a better man?" "Of course a better man." "Don't get glue on my tablecloth." "Now you've glued about everything but the tickets." "Allow me, Pastor." "Just imagine!" "For once we'd be able to get the children whatever they need." "And maybe even a little more." "The things that their little hearts desire." "All is not yet lost." "We'll win him over tonight at the birthday party." "You must believe in miracles." " That is my profession." "Father?" "It was all so nice." "Why isn't it so nice anymore?" "I apologize, Father, if I was to blame." " No..." "You weren't to blame." "Father, then who is to blame?" "Father, why is the Pastor leaving?" " Is he leaving?" " Yes." "Father, if you messed up, Mother will set it right again." "Atlanta?" " Yes." "What is it, Mother?" " Have a seat." "I have to speak with you." " What is it?" "You're now a grown girl, Atlanta." "And I think it's high time that we talk about the serious things in life." "Hold this." " Yes, Mother, about Herbert!" "I love him, and he loves me." "If I can't have him, I'll go to the convent." "Of course." "But before that, I want to talk to you." "Yes, Mother." " You know, Atlanta, not all young girls are so well looked after as you and your siblings." "Aunt Josephine, for example, was not." "And so it happened that, when she was around your age, or maybe a month older or younger..." "No need to be so exact." "Precisely." "So she made the mistake of her life." "Back then." "In other words..." "She had a baby without being married." "Yes, Mother, it was a boy." "He weighed 8.5 pounds." "How do you know?" "We all know." " From whom?" "Lohengrin." "He's the only one who can stay when everybody is sent out." "How charming." "Out with you, my child." "You know your time is up." "There you go, my boy." "And we thought he couldn't understand." "Then you must also know that Aunt Josephine was kicked out of the family?" "Yes, Father insisted on it." " That's right." "Wasn't that a bit cruel of him?" " Maybe, but he's cruel to himself too, and it's not our place to criticize." " No, Mother." "Especially when we have other worries." " What worries?" "Aunt Josephine willed something to you." " How good of her!" "So you and Father will go to Montevideo to accept the inheritance." "Mother!" "You're coming along, right?" "Someone has to stay with the kids." "Besides, I don't have anything to wear." "Because you give us everything." "I don't want that." "I'd rather go naked." "Well, I don't think your father would approve." "It is my honor, Professor, to ask for, no, to request your daughter's hand." "Today is the day." "For what?" " Sir, may I have your daughter's hand?" "Must it be today?" " Don't you love me anymore?" "Who is it?" "You and your jealousy!" " I'm a lamb, but if another guy..." "I wouldn't stand for it." "I'd quite possibly..." "Quite possibly." "Nice flowers, little lamb." "You're a wolf." "I could become one." "I want to eat you up, devour you." "Come in first and deliver your roses." "Mother?" "Herbert has something to tell you." "Dear Mrs. Professor..." " Dear Mr. Kraft..." "Allow me to offer you my heartfelt best wishes on your birthday, and to thank you for being born and for giving birth to Atlanta." "Well, that was certainly lovely, Mr. Kraft." "What is that?" ""Atlanta"?" "A cap tally from the "Atlanta", the U.S. Ship you married on 19 years ago." "And you found it for me!" "How touching!" "Put these in some water, my child." "Is she sailing again?" " Yes, since two or three months." "I must tell my husband." "When you do, please extend my invitation to the maiden voyage of my journeyman piece." " Your what?" "I've built my first boat on my father's shipyard, and today it's waiting to take you and your cherished family out to sea for the first time." " Good idea, Mr. Kraft, but I've done enough sailing today." "And you'd better leave my husband here too," "I have to talk to him." " While you're at it, would you put in a good word for me?" "I have such inhibitions." "In his presence, I revert to being a student." "Everyone becomes a student around him." "And if he failed you in school..." "Then he was absolutely right." "I behaved so foolishly back then." "And I'm afraid he may think I'm..." " Don't worry, Mr. Kraft, my husband loves a certain degree of obtuseness." "Mrs. Professor, I could give you hugs and kisses." "Some other time." "I'm going to prepare a picnic, so you can take the boat for a leak." "To the lake." "For a leak." "Where's my wool?" " Here." " Thanks." "What was I going to do?" " Prepare a picnic." "Yes, a picnic." "Martha, let's prepare some food for the kids." "They're taking the boat out." "Your ship's finished?" " Yes." "I christened it the "Atlanta"." "Oh, darling!" "Now there are three Atlantas." "The old ship, your new ship..." " And you." "Well, if it isn't my dear Mr. Graft!" " Kraft." "Kraft, that is, yes." "Where's Mother?" " In the kitchen." "What's she doing there?" " Making us a picnic." "How often have I told you to point your feet outwards?" "Have you seen any shreds of paper?" " No, Father." "Narrow shreds?" " No, Father." "You haven't either?" " No, Professor." "Have you ever given me a positive answer?" " No, Professor." "Sit." "There you go." "He looks at me, and I feel like a snake eyed by a rabbit." "It's 'like a rabbit eyed by a snake'." " Exactly." "Okay, children, this is enough for the whole gang." " Thanks, Mother." "Herbert, you look downtrodden." " Father was here." "I see." " He asked about you." " I see." "And about paper shreds." " Well, how about that!" "Narrow shreds." "Where is he now?" " In his room." "Goodbye, Mother." " Bye bye." "Goodbye, Mrs. Professor." " Happy hunting, I mean, ahol!" "Looking for something, Traugott?" "Where's the Pastor?" "Not in the trash." "I mean where did he go!" "To the mayor's." " He's coming tonight anyway." "Before he left, he gave me a lecture." " About what?" " About you." "He said you were a tyrant." " Imagine that." "But he also said there's a lamb's heart concealed under your hard shell." "And that if you ever struck it rich, you'd be the most charitable member of our community." "What nonsense!" "What, he said that?" " Yes, he said that." "What's more, he said that the idea of charity would be the only reason for you to consider that inheritance after all." "And what did you reply?" " I agreed." "Imagine we inherited 100,000 dollars!" "No, no, just to name a number." "You could easily donate 10,000 of that to charity, right?" "Of course I could." "It would be easy." "It all depends on you, Dear." " 5,000 right away and 5,000 later." "Maybe." " Yes." "Nobody else would have a say." "Well, I never looked at it from that perspective." "Indeed, if you consider how much good I could do with that money..." "In that respect, I'd have no right to turn down the money." "None." "No right." " Yes, I just said that." "No right." "On the altar of charity, my pride shall be wasted..." "Uh, I mean sacrificed." " Yes, Traugott." "Of course, don't take charity too far." " I haven't started with it yet." "Exactly, exactly." "Remember, our last 6 children have never had new clothes." "They wear what the first 6 grew out of." " What a disgrace." "Imagine, Traugott, how it would feel when people on the street whisper, "There he goes, our benefactor."" " Stop it." " Then you could settle the score with many a so-called friend." "Ah yes!" "The Dean would get an earful." ""Dear friend," I'd say, "kiss my..."" ""Dear friend," I'd say," ""kiss my students goodbye."" " You smart alec, you!" "What did you think I'd say?" " Oh, Hermann!" "Another thing..." "Think of the wonderful trip." "The dream of a lifetime come true." " Our first holidays together, eh?" "I'm afraid I'd have to watch the kids." "Why don't you take the Pastor?" "Are you starting again, you snake?" "Who gave Adam the apple?" " Eve." "But I'm sure that Adam never had to be begged for so long." "Of course not." " But Hermann!" "You forget yourself." " On the contrary." "I'm remembering." "You know what I just thought of?" "If I take the money..." "I said 'if'." " Yes." "Then we could, among other things, also afford another baby." "Traugott Hermann!" "That's going too far." "Casablanca." "Mother, surely you mean Casanova." "Oh how fun Oh how nice it is out on the water" "You get to see the world From the other side" "Atlanta is steering Atlanta." "What a sweet name." "Say, how come Wagner didn't name an opera after you, when he used all your other siblings?" " Silly, you know very well that when Father and Mother got married on the Atlanta, they decided to name me Atlanta if I was a girl." " And?" "And I was a girl, as you can see." " That I can see." "You know what I wish?" " What?" "For us to marry on the Atlanta too." "It was good for my parents." "They love each other, you know." " Your 11 siblings are proof of that." "Will we have 12 kids too?" " I don't want to limit myself, but if we can afford it, I want 12 dozen." "Maybe we can afford it!" "Aha?" "Hey!" "Aunt Josephine died and left me something." "Now we just have to get Father to go to Montevideo with me." "Montevideo?" "With you?" "That's out of the question." "What's out of the question?" " Going to Montevideo without me!" "Oh no!" " Oh yes!" "Says who?" " Me!" " Interesting!" "And why shouldn't I go?" "Because..." " Because you're jealous!" "Nonsense!" " It's not nonsense." "You're jealous if a bug bites me." "This isn't about bugs!" "Then how about your horse and buggy?" "Did you say horse and buggy?" "You'll make a fine engineer's wife!" "He's a good boy." " He's a fool." "My coat." " Yes." "I hope the children aren't late." "I wanted to rehearse with them before the guests arrive." " Traugott, did you compose something for me again?" " Don't pretend like you don't know." "Of course!" "This time it's a canon." "How nice." " Yes." "Greek." "Mother!" " Yes?" "Look at you!" "Is that new?" "Yes, a new collar on Mother's ball gown." "My oh my!" "Listen, I want the children to look as nice as possible today." " Yes." "Dressed in their finest clothes." " But they've had them on all day." "Those were their best clothes." "Hey!" "Swear you won't tell your father about this!" "I won't have to, he's not blind." "But one thing I swear," "I'm taking my next boat ride alone, namely to Montevideo!" "My boat!" "My boat!" "To Montevideo?" "We'll see about that!" "Adieu, Mr. Captain, adieu!" "To Montevideo it's a sharp right!" "Shame on you!" "We would've been stuck without your emergency sail." "Now you can figure out what we should wear to sing the canon tonight." "Traugott!" "Children, I am moved!" "I thank you." "That was so lovely." "I can imagine how difficult it was to learn a cannon like that by heart." "Canon, Mother!" "And you, my dear Traugott, I thank for the nice composition, and for the touching lyrics." "What is the song called?" "Parsival, translate for your mother." ""Hail to you Mother, who brings us all our toys."" "Joys!" "How nice!" "And so well-rehearsed!" "Yes, but what wasn't rehearsed, was the idea to perform my classical canon in classical dress." "That idea was thought up by the children themselves." "They surprised me!" "Mother, here comes another surprise." " Ready, one, two, three!" "A hat!" "A new hat!" "Today, just when I lost the old one." "Children, this just goes to show that everything in life is predetermined." "Since we can't dupe you on your birthday, you must know it was us who predetermined it." "Children, you should be ashamed!" "That was Grandma's best heirloom." "Well, I must say..." "Say nothing, Mother." "You would've never worn another with the old one around." "Three cheers and a tiger Three cheers and a tiger" "Three big cheers!" "Martha, what do you say?" "I'll be darned!" "But first you'll put the children to bed." "Pastor, you won't forget?" " No, no." "Come here for a moment, Mr. Mayor." "Now listen carefully, Mayor, sir." "When the Montevideo trip is mentioned, you're for it and I'm opposed." "Done." " Then you'll prove to me, so that the Professor is convinced, what a fool I am." "That'll be easy!" "We're off to America Who else is coming?" "If your boots aren't clean You can't come along" "Since your children are traveling to America, Professor..." "There's nothing nicer than a little trip now and then, eh?" "Or even better, a big trip." "Did you hear what the pharmacist said about his trip to Montevideo?" " Montevideo!" "I almost died laughing." "Almost?" "Let's give it another try." "No, no." "Not in the presence of your wife." "But she's never understood a joke." "How can you say that, Hermann?" "I'll understand this one." "Please, go ahead." "Okay..." "Our pharmacist is taking a walk on a street in Montevideo." "No, it's too funny!" "We'll be the judges of that!" "Okay." "Our pharmacist is taking a walk on a street in Montevideo..." "He laughs so elegantly." "So he's taking a walk on a street in Montevideo..." "Must've been a long street." " Traugott, let him tell the joke." "Suddenly he sees a crowd standing in front of a display window." "He joins the crowd and sees in the shop window a real-life, beautiful lady lying in a bathtub, covered by nothing but bath bubbles." "Up to her neck." "It was an advertisement for bath soap." "What was the soap called?" " That doesn't matter." "Go on." "Suddenly, a young man in the crowd pulls his hat from his head and starts to belt out the national anthem." "But... it doesn't work." "Why not?" "Why not?" "She didn't stand up." "Well, Mother..." "Did you understand it?" "Maybe... she was a foreigner." "Well, what's your opinion, Pastor?" "About what?" " Traveling." "Seeing the world." "No, I'd much rather stay in my own four walls." "I stay where I am and tend to my flock." " Oh, you two miserable comedians, before you go through any more trouble, you must know that I don't believe in my sister's generosity." "Something's amiss!" "What could be amiss?" "Just imagine how much good you could do with that money!" "Think of the community!" "We could finally install that whistle buoy in our harbor." "We'd call it the Hermann-Buoy." "Or the Traugott-Buoy!" "Or the Hermann-Traugott-Boy, I mean Buoy." "And just think of your family!" "Traugott, we could, among other things, like you said, uh... afford another you know what." "Where are the ship tickets?" "Here!" "Two and three and..." "Do you know who that is?" "Your sister?" " Josephine." "She didn't change at all." " The portrait of a perfect lady." "Yes, the portrait is perfect." " Don't start with that again." "Must I remind you that you're a guest here in her house?" "But you forget..." " I forget nothing." "All I know is that this woman answered your cruelty with noble vengeance." "Perhaps my notion of morality is simply too high." "Surely." "And besides, I thought we were here on holidays." "Morality knows no holidays." "Oh, how nice!" "Oh, how beautiful!" " Amazing." "Father, a bath!" " Yes." "Did you understand that, Pastor?" " Every word." " Me too." "Pastor?" " Yes?" "How do you like it here at my place?" " Fantastic." "But there's a lot of money involved." "My family invested enough, after all." "And such nice subdued lighting." " Yes, quite subdued." "Say..." "What do you think the house is worth?" " I'd say... 100,000 dollars!" " You underestimate me." "I won't part with it for under 150,000." "Ah, what do you say about this, Pastor?" "After four weeks at sea, finally a sink that doesn't move!" "Thank God you've rediscovered your sense of humor." "You'd completely lost it on the boat." "Seasickness has nothing to do with physical strength or weakness." "No, it has to do with the brain." "That's right, and I'm happy that you were hardly affected." "Tell me when you're done making yourself up, Pastor." "And put that crystal down!" "You're so clumsy." "Come in." "Pastor?" "Let's go." "Madame de la What's-her-name." "We'll take Atlanta along." "Yes, Father?" "Where are you?" " Here, Father." "Have you..." "What are you doing?" "I'm taking a bath, as you can see." " Just when they're expecting us." "Come on out!" "I'm Traugott, and this is Roland." "Rolando." "Charming!" "I am Madame de la Rocco." "I'm happy to welcome you to our house." "And we're overjoyed, Madame, that we can understand you." "I mean, that you speak German so well." " Not well, but gladly." "I'm assuming you were my sister's confidant." "Very confidential." "This is Pastor Deibesheim, who I've brought instead of my wife." "Madame." " Father." "This way." "You had a relaxing journey, I hope?" " Very relaxing." "All the Professor did was relax." " Charming." "And where is our little daughter?" "She'll be right down." "No thanks." "She's still bathing." " The sweet little thing." "I hope she settles in well and stays with us for a long while." "The sweetheart." "What a splendid room." "It's the realm of the beloved deceased." "From here she had all the dolls jumping." "Dolls?" " Isn't that what you say when someone pulls all the strings?" "By the way, the lawyer will be attending to you." "You will get along well." "He speaks your language." "How nice." "Tell me, Madame, how did it so suddenly..." "It did come suddenly?" "Quite suddenly." "The poor woman." " She wasn't poor." "He didn't mean financially." " Not otherwise either." "Her good spirits didn't leave her until the very end." "When she wrote up her will, she laughed so hard she cried." "I see." "So she had a cheerful temperament?" "You could say that." "She had a real sense of humor." "How nice." "Was she ever married?" "Oh no." "That would've been detrimental to her job." "What exactly was her job?" "Now, Professor, you're trying to..." "How do you say it?" "Pull my leg?" "That would be my pleasure..." "What I'd like to know, Madame..." "If my sister didn't marry into money, where did she get all this money?" "She was poor as a church mouse when she started." "And there was nobody who helped her." "She made her fortune all alone, using the small gift that God gave her." " Small gift?" "I say small gift because I don't think she was more talented than many others." "But no one ever gave more truth to the saying 'genius is hard work'." "Yes, she was hard-working, gentlemen." "Day after day, she put us to shame." "Did she ever speak of me?" " Yes." "When she wrote up her will." "I'll never forget her smile as she said," ""I think it'll be a lovely surprise for my virtuous brother when I leave him my institute."" "Institute?" " Then she laughed." "Laughed out loud, and called for the notary." "Institute?" "This institute." "There was a great need for it in this somewhat easygoing city." "We're all sinners, after all." "And to understand all means to forgive all." "And now gentlemen," "I'll leave you alone." "I have to check on my girls." "Girls?" " Girls." "How many are there?" " 45." "And with your daughter, 46." "Yes." "What do you think about my sister's 'little gift'?" "I have no idea." "To understand all means to forgive all?" "Yes, it says so in the Bible." " I know it does." "Atlanta!" "Father, stop!" "Take your hat!" "Atlanta, we're leaving!" "I knew something was amiss!" "Where are you going?" " Do you know where we are?" "No!" " Then take a guess." "Please go back to your rooms, okay?" "They don't understand you." "Come here, my dear child." "Why is your German so good?" " I am German." "Well, have a seat, first of all, my daughter..." "You poor sacrificial lamb." " What do you mean?" "How old are you?" " 19." "So young, and alread..." "How did you get into this house?" "It was easy, there's no special patronage required." "Don't you ever think about getting out?" " We can only stay until we're 21." "Then we've learned enough to stand on our own two feet." "You know?" " Oh yes." "How does it feel being here?" " Like heaven." "Tell me, what do you do here, during the day?" "In the morning we do gymnastics, then music." "In the afternoon we play ping-pong or tennis or go to a movie." "Then it's dinnertime." " And then?" "We read, and sometimes we go to the theater, if there's a good play." "Then we go to bed." " And then?" "Then we sleep." "I see." "That's all?" "That's all Madame de la Rocco allows." "Madame de la Rocco." "What exactly is her position here?" "She's the head of the foundation." " Which foundation?" "The Maria Machado Foundation!" " Maria Machado?" "Yes, a foundation for musically talented girls without a home." "What's the famous singer Maria Machado got to do with it?" "Maybe she was once lonely and homeless." "Who?" " Her." "That's Maria Machado?" "Yes." " That was her stage name?" "We only know her under that name." "My dear child!" "You know what I'd like?" " No." "I'd like to hug and kiss you." "Then why don't you, Pastor?" " Yes, why don't I?" "How was your talk, Pastor?" "Excellent!" "I just had one of the greatest experiences ever." "Yes, so I saw." " I discovered..." "Whatever you discovered, you should be ashamed of yourself!" "I discovered that nothing in the world is as dirty as a dirty mind can make it, or an overly moralistic mind, however you want to call it." " Care to explain what you mean?" "Not until you hold on to something so you don't fall over." "I'm quite fine leaning on this whistle buoy." "That's no whistle buoy, it's a gramophone." "It's the same thing." "Professor?" "Do you know who Maria Machado is?" "Of course, the great singer." "Why do you bring her up?" "She died recently, right?" " Yes, I read it in the paper." "So?" "Have you ever seen a picture of her?" " No." " There's one right there." "That is my sister." " That's right." "Josephine Nagler." "And her stage name was..." "Maria Machado." "No!" " Yes." "And this house which in your moralistic hypersensitivity you mistook for a... whatever, this is a home for single young girls, founded expressly to protect the girls from the home you thought it was!" "And do you know why your wonderful sister founded this home?" "Because she couldn't forget that she too was once a lonely girl, banished from her family, forsaken by her only brother, who claims to have exclusive rights to all the morals in the world!" "No need to shout, you're not at church." "Do you finally admit that a poor girl can make a mistake, and still have a higher moral standing than those who judge her?" "Do you at least see what great injustice you did to your sister when you threw her out that dark night?" " It was a full moon." "Besides, if I hadn't thrown her out, where would she be today?" "In Cuxhaven." "All that's missing now is for you to take credit for your sister's career." "No, I was merely a tool in prudence's hand." "That's the height of it!" " Do you deny that God's will is all-prevalent, as you preach every Sunday?" "Perhaps God had a plan in bestowing upon me this moral hypersensitivity, which you're so upset about." "I just hope your moral sensitivity will never be put to the test!" "Why so angry, Pastor?" "Your stubbornness exasperates me!" " Perhaps it's not genuine... this stubbornness." "Perhaps I need it..." "Because of my conscience." "Professor..." "You once told my wife I was a hypocrite." "She didn't have to go and tell you." " It was good that she did." "And now, if you take away my every hope that my action might possibly have been good for something," "then what is a hypocrite to hold onto?" "What is a hypo..." "Professor..." "I'm a bad shepherd!" " No you're not." "I am!" " Now don't give yourself the blame!" "I like you, Professor." " I like you too, Pastor." "Even if I sometimes want to hit you." " Likewise." "Pastor, can you do me a favor?" " I'd love to." "Would you get Atlanta?" " Where is she?" "I took her to Hotel Casa Habanesa, so that she'd be safe." "It's just around the corner." " Of course." "In the meantime, I'm going to have a moment of prayer with my sister." "After all, she is my flesh and blood." "Pastor?" " Yes?" "I forgive her." "Oh, that is touching." "Where did you say you left Atlanta?" "In Hotel Casa Habanesa." "I hope it is a hotel." "I long to hear her sweet voice." "Fine, thanks." "You too?" "Splendid." "I'm the lawyer." " Pleased to meet you, Mr. Perino." "Cortez." "Ricardo Cortez." " I was expecting the Perinos." "All three passed away five years ago." "That's right," "I am their successor." "This way." "Here is the will." "Take a seat." "Don't worry, you only have to read the last pages." "Take a seat." "The rest has to do with foundations for young things and so forth." "You know that when your sister was young, different stuff happened to her." "And some idiotic relative threw her out on the street." "I don't know if you know who it was." "Do you know?" " Heavens, I don't want to know." "At any rate, she throws a lot of money at these foundations." "This is where you are mentioned." ""I bequeath the house and property at 1351 Plaza Colorado, along with all rights and duties, to my brother Professor Traugott Hermann Nagler."" "That's wonderful." "What do you think it's worth?" "400,000 pesos." " How much is that in dollars?" "200,000 dollars." " Fantastic." "And you really think that the sale would fetch such a price?" " No." " Why not?" "Because you can't sell it." " Why not?" "Because the will forbids it." ""My virtuous brother shall ensure the foundation's perpetuation in the interest of the good cause and of his lofty morals."" "In other words, I have more duties than benefits." "Yes, that hits the mark." "And what about a little... cash?" "Oh, cash." "Well, there is a little clause, but I doubt it would interest you." "Now you exaggerate, Mr. Cortez." "What about this clause?" " Here's something about cash:" ""The remaining 1,500,000 pesos..."" " That's 750,000 dollars!" ""..." "I bequeath, due to my tragedy, to the home for unwed mothers with child."" "That's it." " No, not yet." ""However, should a tragedy like mine occur in my own parental home, that is, in the house of my virtuous brother Professor Traugott Hermann Nagler, in other words, if a female member of his family has an illegitimate child," "then the above-mentioned sum of 1,500,000 pesos shall go to the victim of such a catastrophe, i.e. The child's mother."" "Read that sentence again." ""However, should a tragedy like mine occur in my own parental home, that is, in the house of my virtuous brother Professor Traugott Hermann Nagler, in other words, if a female member of his family has an illegitimate child," "then the above-mentioned sum of 1,500,000 pesos shall go to the victim of such a catastrophe, i.e. The child's mother." "This provision expires on July 22 of next year at midnight."" "When?" "On July 22 of next year." "That would be Atlanta's 19th birthday." "Exactly." "Wasn't your sister the same age when all that stuff happened to her?" "Yes." ""This will, drawn up in sound mind..."" " You can be sure of that!" ""...as is attested and certified..." And so on and so forth." "That was quite noble of your sister." " Yes, very noble." "In other words, if Atlanta..." " Correct, then she gets the money." "And if not..." " Then not." "Simple." " Very." "No child, no money." "Exactly." "It was the intention of the dearly deceased to assist in hardship." "I think I've understood the intention of the dearly deceased." "Undoubtedly." "She was your sister." "Here's your copy." "And don't forget, tomorrow in my office at 5 p.m., with your child." "Excellent." "Uh, what was I going to say?" "Congratulations." "Just a moment, Mr. Cortez." "This entire matter is strictly confidential, right?" "Strictly confidential." "Don't forget, the little grub must be illegitimate." "Of course." "You sod." "So you want to test me?" "Never!" "Never!" "Yes." "The young lady will be right down." " Thank you." "Can you read this?" ""To Mayor Kluverkotten, Cuxhaven, Germany."" ""All expectations surpassed." "Whistle boy secure." "Pastor."" "Whistle buoy!" " Whistle buoy secured!" "Then our marriage is secured as well?" "Hello, Pastor." "Please add to that..." " Yes?" ""Mother should buy ship tickets on the Atlanta." "Atlanta."" "My dear child, what is it?" "You're beaming with joy." "Do you know who's here at the hotel?" " No, who?" "I had nothing to do with it." " Who?" " Herbert!" "He was on the same ship as we were, as a radio trainee." "And you didn't know?" " No!" "He followed me because he was afraid to lose me once I'm a rich girl." "That's why he wanted to ask for my hand beforehand." "Pastor, you must put in a good word for us with Father." " But of course, my dear child." "This is just the right moment." "Your father is in a brilliant mood." "September, October, November, December..." "January, Feb..." " Professor!" "My dear Professor, I have a great surprise for you." "I've had enough surprises today!" "What's wrong with you?" "Did you get bad news?" "Yes." "But first I'll read this letter from Mother, so you can get in the mood." ""Dearest Husband, yesterday the Dean kissed me on both cheeks." "I almost fainted." "News of our inheritance has spread like wildfire." "I never knew how many considerate, dear friends we have in our little town." "My dear Truegod, uh Traugott, isn't it an incredible feeling to be rich?" "Or at least wealthy." "Or at any rate, not so terribly poor." "Let's hope nothing goes wrong." "The mere thought of it makes my heart stop." "I only want it for the children and for you, so you don't have to work so hard." "So don't be obstinate, dear Husband, just remember that it's for the kids, that you have a responsibility toward them, a responsibility..."" "She used responsibility twice." ""...against which your personal pride must fall mute." "I sit here with my 11 little chicks, all of us anxiously awaiting good news." "Hugs and kisses, your rich Marianne."" "How wonderful!" " That's just like you." "You make a judgment even before you know what's in the will." "What about the will?" "Was the lawyer already here?" "Yes." " And?" "Take a seat." "No." "I think I'd rather use a fable in order to" "explain it to you." "Let's assume you were a shepherd." "I know you are one, but I mean a real shepherd." "With real sheep, okay?" "But... your herd is very small." "Let's say 12 sheep." "Okay?" "But you love each and every little sheep with a father's love." "Alas, your grazing meadows are meager, hardly sufficient to quell the nagging hunger." "Not one blade of grass to spare, as far as you can see." "How sad." "What did you say?" " I said, how sad." "Oh." "Yes." "Not a blade of grass to spare, as far as the eye can see." "Then suddenly, in the moment of greatest hardship, who do you think knocks at the door?" " The Good Fairy." "Hogwash." "The Big Bad Wolf!" "And he says to you," ""Let me have one of your sheep, and I will take you to new, luscious meadows such as you have never seen." "You and your other sheep can graze and frolic to your hearts' delight."" "How would you respond?" " Away with you, Satan!" "Is that your final word?" "Yes." "Oh, so you'd let the other 11 starve?" "Some shepherd you are!" "Aren't you afraid of nightmares, of your sheep appearing in your sleep, kneeling on your hairy chest, asking, "Where are our juicy meadows?"" "What would you say?" " But you can't let the wolf eat one of your sheep!" "Who's eating?" " The wolf!" " Who knows!" "What does he want to do?" " He wants to play." "I see!" "Yes." "Then it isn't a bad wolf?" "Not necessarily." "One would have to see him." "Yes, one would have to see him." "There he is!" " The wolf?" " Herbert!" "Here I am." "Herbert Wolf!" "Kraft." " Kraft, of course." "I hope the Pastor was kind enough to speak to you." "Not a word." " I was about to start." "You were about to leave." " I'll leave you alone." "Goodbye, Herbert." "Tell me, my dear young friend..." "How did you get here?" "I came with the same ship that you were on." "How interesting!" "I take it your longing for me left you no peace?" "Absolutely right." "The longing to speak to you." "And about whom, I wonder?" "And about what, I wonder?" "About whom or what, I wonder?" "Professor, sir, your encouraging smile..." "Professor, sir, if I may take the liberty of asking for your daughter's honor!" "Pardon me?" "...take the liberty of freeing your daughter's hand." "And now say that sentence again." "Professor, sir, you know what I mean." "Approximately, at least." "Well, my dear young friend, how old are you?" "Next year I'll be 27." "I didn't ask how old you'll be next year." "How old are you now?" "26." "And what is your profession?" " Engineer, at my father's shipyard." "Engineer, at father's shipyard." "Well, well." "And how much does the old man pay?" " 35 marks per week." "Well, you're certainly not costing him an arm and a leg!" "The old cheapskate!" "Sir, your sense of humor is simply superb." "Yes, in class I also like to boost the boys' spirits with the odd joke." "It's so refreshing, it is." "Where was I?" " 35 marks per week." " That's right." "And you think that's enough..." "You think that's enough to build a hearth and feed a loving wife?" "Later I'll get my father's shipyard." " Your wife can hardly wait that long." "When will you get his shipyard?" " After his death." "And when will that be?" "Well, hopefully not for a long time." "Until then, who will feed the young hungry mouths until then?" "But Professor, we weren't thinking of having young mouths right away." "Why not?" "Pardon?" " Why not?" "I love little mouths." "I hope to have many grandchildren." " As you wish, Professor." "The sooner, the better." "Yes." "That's right." "The sooner, the better." "That is absolutely consistent with my intentions, sir, absolutely consistent." " Well," "I'm pleased to hear it." "But from now on it's enough to say each sentence once." "Yes, Professor." " So let us recapitulate..." "You love Atlanta." "Yes, Professor." "And Atlanta loves you?" " Yes, Professor." "Are you certain of that?" " Very certain." "What makes you so certain?" "I..." "Did you meet on the ship?" " No, Professor." "Not even once?" " No." " Why not?" "Pardon?" " I said, why not?" "Atlanta didn't even know I was aboard." " And you?" "I... didn't dare." " Oh well..." "And where did you meet here?" "In my hotel." "That's unheard of!" "How did she get there?" "Professor, sir, you brought her there, to the Hotel Casa Habanese." "In Casa Haba..." "Oh!" "I did, eh?" "And?" "And what happened there?" " Nothing, Professor." "Nothing at all?" "No." "Well, it seems clear that you two love each other." "Yes, Professor." " But you have no money!" "No, Professor." "At least not right now." "It would look better if at least Atlanta had a little clause..." "I mean a little fortune." "Of course." " That wouldn't bother you?" "No, Professor, sir." " No." "I believe you." "But... unfortunately... she has nothing of the kind." "Nothing at all." "You see no other way, Professor?" "It all seems to be a question of the order." "Let's assume you're going out to eat with me." " I couldn't eat a bite, sir." "I said to assume!" "I'm going to give you an analogy." " Oh, an analogy." " Yes." "You're going out to eat with me and..." "Sit." "So you order dinner, which consists of soup, meat and a dessert." "Repeat." " I order dinner, consisting of soup, meat and a pastry." "Dessert." " Dessert." "To start with, you eat this dinner in the proper order, namely soup, meat and dessert." "What do you have in your stomach?" "Soup, meat and... dessert." "Yes." "Now we'll turn it around." "First, you eat the dessert, then the meat and then the soup." "What's in your stomach now?" "The same things." " The same things, right?" "It makes no difference." " None!" " No." "And it's no one else's business." "You can do what you want with your stomach." "It's your stomach." " Absolutely, Professor!" "Naturally." "Now let's assume there's a fortune teller." "Or a doctor." "And he says to you, "Dear friend, it would be good for you to eat your dinner in the reverse order for once."" "How would you respond?" "I'd gladly eat the dessert first." " You gladly would." "Of course you would!" "It wouldn't do anyone any harm." " No!" "Of course it would be mean to eat the dessert and then not marry the soup..." "Nonsense!" "...to eat the soup." "Do you understand what I said?" "No, Professor, sir." "I'm trying my hardest to follow you, but I really don't understand." "It seems it isn't a good day for fables." "All right, my dear..." "My God, where have I ended up?" "Would you do me a favor, my dear young friend?" " Gladly." "Promise to do what I ask of you?" " Yes, sir." "Whatever it is?" " Yes, sir." " No matter how strange it seems?" "Do I have your word of honor?" " Yes, sir." "I want you to hit me." "But..." " I have your word of honor." "But I can't, sir." " Not even for Atlanta?" "Close your eyes and hit me." "There." "And now I will consider your courtship request in favorable deliberation." "Very... favorable." "What are you doing?" "I'm packing, as you can see." "But we just unpacked." "Now we can start packing again." "What are you sitting on?" " On a cactus, as you can see." "Why are you so flustered?" "Did you speak with Father?" " Yes." "And?" "How did it go?" " I smacked him one." "You smacked him one?" "Later." "What's up with the Professor?" "It's a shame, Professor, sir." "Yes, Madame, it is a bit of a shame." "Mr. Mayor." "My dear citizens," "I'm pleased to welcome our city's great benefactor, who gave us this whistle buoy." "Enough!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "TRAUGOTT BUOY" "What a waste of good champagne!" "It's too much." "It's too much." "It's too much." "How much?" "But that can't be." "I've never heard such a thing." "I'll stop by again later, Mr. Miller." "Pastor, how much is 10 inches?" "Could you show me with your hands?" "Well, about this long." "Why?" " Just imagine," "Mr. Miller from the American shipping company Blue Star Line, where I wanted to buy ship tickets." "The children want to marry on the same ship that we married on." "So this Mr. Miller says, "Ma'am, I can sell you the tickets, but the children can't get married." "Why not?", I ask." ""It's too short," he says." ""What is?", I ask." ""Atlanta is too small," he says." ""But she's 18 years old," I say." ""Not your daughter," he says, "the ship Atlanta is too small."" ""Too small to marry on?" "But the kids are so slender."" ""It's not the size of the bridal couple, but the size of the ship." "And size doesn't matter, as long as it is a ship," he says." "I'll be darned." " That's what I said." "To which he said, "Ma'am, by American law, which applies to the Atlanta, a ship's Captain can conduct marriages on the high seas."" "There you go!" " That's what I said. "Yes," he said, but in order to be a ship, a ship must be of a certain length, or else it isn't a ship by law." "You can't marry on a ferry, or on a barge..."" " So what?" "So, the Atlanta is 10 inches too short." "They found that out five years ago." "Since then, marriages are not allowed on board, only pleasure cruises." "Well!" " Well." "Those poor, poor children." "I'm going to go and have a look for myself." "You do that, Pastor." "You always put things in good confusion, I mean order." "Well, Traugott, how does it feel to be home again?" "Prometheus has returned." "It's Odysseus." " Odysseus." "Darling, you know" "I have no clue about your Stone Age." "Traugott, now for a strong cup of coffee." "You've earned it." " And you're going to need it." "Now Hermann, have a seat." "And do tell." " Not before you have a seat, Mother." "I could really use a poof pastry." " What did you say?" " What?" "Tell me, Hermann, didn't you keel over when you found out that your sister was the famous singer Maria Machado?" "That was a surprise, wasn't it?" " Not the only one." "Traugott, now tell me all about it." "So we inherited a house." " Yes, I know." "What else?" "Which we cannot dispose of." " Yes." "What else?" "Otherwise, we have nothing." "Not one red cent." "The Hermann Buoy will be melted down, the Mayor can spare us more speeches." "And the Dean will no longer kiss you on both cheeks in public." "Oh, that's not important to me." " It is to me." "Oh, Marianne, you have no idea what I felt when I got your letter." "It was more than redress." "I could feel myself becoming a better person." "Benevolent, understanding... charitable." "Oh well." "Now it's over and done with." "Yes, it's all a thing of the past." "So there's not even a bit of..." "Not any cash, you say?" "There is some cash." " Really, Traugott, how is that?" "But there is a small clause." " Oh, how lovely." "I always wished for such a thing!" "My own walk-in closet!" "My goodness!" "Didn't you just say there was a small closet?" "A clause!" "Not a closet." "Oh." "So Atlanta inherits..." "Put the cup down so you don't drop it." "Atlanta inherits 750..." " 750 dollars!" "...thousand!" " Traugott!" "Look how you started me!" "Startled." "Hermann!" "Please, don't be so awful." "Whether it's started or startled, you can see you gave me a startle." "A start." "This time it's a start." "So Atlanta inherits 750,000 dollars in the event..." " Yes?" "...that, before her 19th birthday, she has an illegitimate child." "I told you to put the cup down." "Well, that... is..." "It's a lot of money." "Surely you threw that will back at the lawyer's face!" "Surely I did not do that." "It wouldn't have made the will better, secondly, it wasn't his will, thirdly not my money to dispose of, and fourthly, you wrote that I should think of the children at all times." "Traugott, what did you do?" " Marianne, not in that high shriek!" "Use your normal, full voice." "My nerves are frayed!" "What did you do?" " What would you have done?" "I don't know." " I didn't know either." "Was it my right to conceal the will from her?" "And how could I explain it to Atlanta without poisoning her innocent mind?" "And if I'd told Herbert..." " You couldn't poison his mind either." "No, I couldn't even find it." "He didn't understand me at all." "So I called the lawyer the next day and told him that I wouldn't accept the inheritance." "That was big of you." " Yes, that's what the lawyer said too." "He called me the biggest ass he'd ever come across." "Not to mention the fact that Atlanta is the heir, not me, and that" "I had no right to obstruct my family's happiness, not to mention that the kids plan to marry anyway, so it's highly irrelevant whether the egg comes first, and then the chicken, or the other way around." "He said that?" "He said that." "He also said I should discuss it with you, since women had more common sense than professors." "What you must've been going through, Traugott!" "I'd like to ask all the fathers in the world what they would've done." "What was the lawyer's advice?" "To wait." " For what?" "For something." "Or nothing." "It depends." " I see." "If nothing's happened by July 22, then at least something will have happened." "Then the money will have been lost." "That lawyer seems to have quite a disposition!" "As logical as that all sounds." " He drove me mad with his logic!" "Morality has nothing to do with logic!" " No." "Either you have it or you don't!" " Right." "Either you have 750,000 or you don't!" " We don't." " We have our honor!" "Precisely!" " Our righteousness!" " Heaps of it!" "What did you say?" "On the other hand, we have less to eat." "Goodness, it seems you can't have both." "Marianne, are you saying I was wrong to spare our daughter that agony?" "I don't know what you consider to be agony." "All I know is that if you hadn't put your sister onto the street out of morality, honor and righteousness, she wouldn't have had to think up this wonderful kind of revenge." "Did you say wonderful?" " I think it's wonderful." "She's shown us that everything in life has its price, even your morality." "I haven't sold it yet." " But you toyed with it." "Toyed with what?" " With the thought." " Nonsense." "We're all only human." "Yes, Traugott." "Your sister was also only human too, right?" "A poor little helpless 18-year old female human being." "And her crime was the most human of all." "Love." "An invention of God." "And a good one." "Let's assume my parents would've opposed our wedding like you opposed Josephine's." "Do you think I would've dropped you like a hot potato?" "You... you mean to say..." "That's exactly what I mean to say." " You would've..." "Of course I would've." "I love you." "You see?" "I could've been in the very same place that your sister was." "Come, Traugott..." "Let us be thankful that fate was more merciful to us." "Marianne, I am a swine!" "No!" " Yes!" " No!" "I am not worthy of you and the kids!" " I won't have that!" "There is no better father!" "For whom do you suffer and toil all your life?" "For whom do you break your back, just to feed and clothe us?" "There is no better father!" "And no more loving husband." "Now come, come Traugott..." "What do we really want?" "For 19 years we barely made ends meet, and we were happy." "And now the mere dream of money has already caused us grief." "Come, let us be satisfied the way it is." "I would've loved to have done it." " What?" "The 750 thou... thous... thous..." "We're all at the table already." "Oh, the good roast!" "The poor children." "Come on!" "Well, my poor, starving worms?" "Welcome, Herbert." "Now we're back at home, eh?" "Who's turn is it?" "Come, dear Jesus, be our guest Bless this food and all the rest." "Bon appetit." " Amen, Pastor." "Amen!" " Pastor, please have a seat." " No, thanks, I'd rather not." "What's wrong with you?" "I'm not hungry." " That's incredible." "If I may, I'd like to wait in your room, until you're finished eating." "Well... then let's eat." "Continue with your meal, children." "I'll be right back." "What's wrong?" "Pastor, what's wrong?" "Have a seat." " Why?" "Please take a seat." "I've just come back from the American shipping company Blue Star Line." "You know the children can't marry on the Atlanta?" "Says who?" "A Capt..." "A Captain has the right to conduct marriages on the high seas." "Yes, if the Captain is a Captain." " And the ship a ship." "What?" " It has to be a ship, not a ferry..." "Or a barge." " It has to be a ship." " So what?" "A ship has to have a certain length." " That's the law." " And if it doesn't, then it's not a ship!" " Don't breath down my neck!" "Don't breath down his neck." "So if it's not a ship, you can't marry on it." "Have you two gone bonkers?" " The Atlanta is too short!" "10 inches." "They found out 5 years ago." " No more weddings on the Atlanta!" "Says who?" " Mr. Miller from the Blue Star Line!" "But what he didn't tell you, what he just told me, is now listen to this, that all marriages ever consummated on the Atlanta are null and void." "Pardon me?" "Yes." "You have, so to speak, been living in ignoble cohabitation." "And our children?" "Bastards, all 12 of them." "Mother..." "My dear Mrs. Professor!" "You of all people!" "She's laughing!" "Mother!" " For goodness sakes, what was that?" "What is it?" "Ignoble cohabitation is good!" "What do we do now, Pastor?" " There's only one thing to do." "I'll marry you as soon as possible." "Marry?" " Traugott!" "Just a moment." "Pastor, please read that section in the will for us." " Okay." ""Should, however a tragedy like mine occur in my virtuous brother's house, in other words, if a female family member has an illegitimate child, the above-mentioned sum of 1,5 million pesos goes to the victim of the catastrophe, i.e. To the child's mother..."" "That's enough." "Congratulations, Mother, you've inherited 750,000 dollars!" "Yes!" "Me!" " Yes, you're clearly a female member of my family." "Female?" "No... yes!" " As far as tragedies go, we have 12!" "You can argue about one." "But 12?" "And next weekend, I'll marry you." "Yeah, right!" "So that the children become legitimate." "First she has to collect the inheritance." "And when I'm rich, I'll have to consider whether I want to waste myself on a poor schoolteacher with 12 kids." "Mother!" " But if I marry you, Traugott, this time only in the church, with bridal veil and all the rest." "Subtitles Peter Rigney" "Film und Video Untertitelung Gerhard Lehmann AG"