"Hi, my name is Katrina Collins." "I live in Portland and I think I'd be the ideal candidate to be on the next season of the Real World." "Hi, my name is Katrina Collins" "I live in Portland and I think I'd be the ideal candidate to be on the next season of the Real World" "I've been watching the show ever since I was a kid." "And its always felt like I'm watching an exact replica of my own life." "Sort of like a dramatic reenactment except instead of actors playing the role of famous people is real people playing the role of me." "I work at a dog shelter, taking care of dogs and I have a boyfriend named Brian who I've been dating for five years and I'm totally crazy about." "...Fifty-six..." "Y'know, I just don't understand what they need this information for." "And besides, don't you think they could call around and just ask the stores how many different brands of milk they carry?" "Its like the fact that somebody would decide" ""Hey, we need to hire somebody to drive all around town to count milk jugs for us," pretty much explains how screwed up the world is." "I guess its better than that stupid office job they had me doing last month." "All I did there was make copies for twenty hours straight." "And the machine broke down every ten minutes." "That's why my hands still smell like that ink loner." "Hey, thanks again for letting me use the car." " Oh, you're welcome Eli." " So I don't think it will take as long tomorrow." " I hope not Eli." " Um, I'll be by about 9 if you wanna come." " Well, I'll see how Heel." " Alright." "Alright, well thanks for today." " My pleasure." "Hey, you want to come in the house?" "I want to show you a new setup I got for the soap films" "I discovered that the best light source for the soap films is the sun." "And this room has the best light in the house" "So..." "Come over here" "You put that into there." "And then you go over there." "And you edit it." " And the camera here... sends the image through these cables over there." "Really cool." "I hope you don't plan on using the sink anytime soon." " Do you want to turn that light oh'?" " Sure" " Look at that." " Whoa" "All this from reflections of a bubble..." " That's right" " You have one unheard message" "First message sent today at 1:18pm" " A free DVR" " If you don't know what a DVR is press 1 on your phone and a rep will tell you all about it." "Its awesome technology that will change the way you watch TV." "Basically, if you still have a cable provider-." " Breaking hearts..." "Breaking Hearts someone has to be sent home." "Hi girls" "We've had a long journey but unfortunately I only have two roses left." "Clarissa" "We've had some really good times like our trip on the yacht." "Or our long walks on the candle-lit beach" "So this one is easy, you get a rose..." "Megan... you know how special you are to me and I want to keep the specialness going for as long as it can." "And each day, I feel that we get connected stronger and stronger" "So this last rose..." "This last rose is for you Megan" " I just can't believe this" "I thought what we had was real" "I felt it" "And I thought he felt it, too." "I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him." "I just don't understand." " Stay tuned for scenes from next week's episode of..." ""The Single Guy."" " Okay, so..." "Check this out" "I've figured out how to eat out for every meal of the day for less than six bucks total." "Breakfast, lunch, and dinner." "Okay, so..." "For breakfast, all you really need is cofiee, right?" "So you just head over to stumptown." "Get the bottomless cup." "By your second cup of coffee, you've pretty much forgotten about eating breakfast." "And they're cool there, you can pretty much hang out as long as you want." "And then for lunch, go over to the" "Happy Monday Thai Buffet." "Get the lunch special #3, for $3.25." "And the lunch special #3 I'm pretty sure is actually like... the leftovers from the previous day's lunch special No.1" "But, good things come to those who wait my friend." "Now, the best place for dinner is you go to La Sirenita and you get the soft tostada." "It's $1.75, and its huge." "Totally fills you up, and you're done." "Less than six bucks." "And on the weekends, you can hit the Natural Food store and get all those free samples that they give out." "You can kill like one meal right there." " I've, ah." "Got a razor blade that I've gotten over 2,000 shaves with it." "I've been thinking about sending it in to the Guiness Book of World Records" " Okay, now, what?" " Well, you know a shaver." "One of them, one of them... double-bladed things" " The old-fashioned kind " "I think its a Bick." " Yeah" "I've been using it now for six years and I've never had to sharpen it." " That's pretty cool, Otis." " Yeah" " This depression ain't gonna have any impact" "OH US." " Good god, that's a lot of fucking milk." "The freshest milk is always in the back." " Excuse me" "Can I help you?" "Help me?" "Not unless you can tell me how many quarts, gallons, half-gallons of Dairy-Gold Sunshine and Happy Cow Milk you have in your case." "Um..." "Can I ask you to wait here for just a moment?" " Yeah, sure" " Thanks." " Hello, there." "Excuse me." "Can I, ah, help you with anything?" " Not unless you can tell me how many cartons of milk you have in your dairy case today." " And why do you need to know how many cartons of milk are in there?" " That's an excellent question." "I really have no idea why." "It makes no sense, but they don't pay me to ask questions, so..." " Are you with the health board, because" "I didn't get a notice you were coming." "No sir, my name is Eli" "I'm with manforce." "They sent me last year to be the Easter Bunny and now they've sent me to count the milk." " That was you?" " I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the building immediately." "Oh... it looks like your pen is leaking." " That's old, actually." "I don't know when that happened." "Months ago maybe." " Come on, let's go." " Dear Katrina Collins," "Congratulations." "We would like to invite you to participate in our workshops and audition for several new reality television programs." "Please come to the Beaverton Town Mall on Wednesday, October 15th for your chance to join our team and audition for some of the best and most exciting reality television shows being produced today." "Bring a copy of your most recent headshois, video audition tapes, and resumes as we will be offering critiques and analysis on how you can improve your auditioning skills and become a better reality TV participant" "We look forward to meeting you." "Sincerely, Joe Prescott." "President, Talent Services America" "Awesome, I better get started." "Okay, I'm gonna need some supplies." " Come in." " Hi, uh, hi." "Mr. Bear?" "I'm sorry to bother you, but something was donated that I..." "I..." "I don't think was meant to be donated." " Another stash of money?" " No, um." "Its, its a little girl." " What?" " Well, um, I mean " " What is that?" " Its the ashes of a little girl." " Where did it come from?" " I just found it, I don't know what to do with it." " Well, who knows?" "I guess we have to do something about it." " Its someone's child." " Hi, this is Tom Bear at the East Side" "Recieving Center." "We found something in our donations today that we are unsure of what to do with." " Well, it appears to be a cremation urn with a person's remains in it." "Yes." "Ashes." "Oh." "Oh, okay." "Hi, Mr. Bradshaw, this is " "Oh, I see." "Okay." "Thank you very much." "They say we should contact the police and let them know and wait to see if someone comes to claim it." " Where, where do we keep it?" " I suppose you could put it just right there." "If it were donated on accident then the owner will track it down." "They probably just don't realize what they did." "I'll call the police and report it." "I'll tell them." " Hey, this is Brian." "Leave me a message." " Hey, where are you?" "Why aren't you calling me back?" " Hi, this is Brian..." " Have a nice day." "People I swear..." "Honey, are you okay?" "You look terrible." " I'm okay, I didn't sleep very well last night." "Um, do you know what the story is with the new dog in pod 14?" " Oh, the poor thing." "Someone just dumped him here Sunday night." "Tied up to the front door." "He's in bad shape." "Are you sure you're okay?" "I don't know." "I love you so much." " I'm excited to meet your grandma." " Yeah, she's excited to meet you, too." "Wait..." "Isn't she..." "I can't remember if..." " The phone's ringing..." "Aren't you going to answer it?" "Yeah." "Where is the phone?" "Where's the phone?" "Where are my pants?" " Hello?" " Eli..." "The phone." "Do you wanna get it?" " What?" " The telephone." "I think its Manforce, do you want to get it?" " Yeah, hold on." " The company is called Metro Estate Movers and their office is at:" "822 Southeast Water Street." "Your contact there is Noel." " Okay." "Noel." "822 Southeast Water." "Alright, I'll head right over." " Have a good day at work!" " Thank you." "822 Southeast - 228, 467" "822 Southeast Water Street" " Man, with all this temping its almost like you have a real job." " Yeah and it totally sucks, too." " Aw." "So much for your theory of the unemployed blissful life style." " Yeah, well these student loan people are starting to circle like sharks." "Its starting to look like I might need to do something with my life." " Like temping?" " That's harsh, Aubrey." "No, I want to be a subtitute teacher." "But I can't get my teaching certificate until I get my degree." "I can't go back to school until" "I get this debt payed off." " Sounds like a viscious cycle." " Totally." " If only Chloey would get me a production assistant job on one of her film shoots." " Wouldn't that go against your anti-corporate stance?" "After all the crap you've given me about working for the evil corporate media machine?" " These debt collectors are making me rethink the whole anti-corporate thing." "Or..." "Maybe I can just work on commercials for bikes." "Or community gardening centers or something." " Yeah..." "When's the last time you saw a community gardening commercial?" " Well, even if they made those" "I doubt they'd be the jobs that pay 20 bucks an hour" "What am I saying?" "As if I'll ever make 20 bucks an hour." "Shit, now watch..." "I'm gonna be late for my 9-dollar-an-hour furniture moving job." " Hey, its your turn to take out the recyclables this week." "And I should have the bills figured out in the next day or two." "And tell mystery roommate if you see her too." "Oh nice." "Good work." " Dude, I've got money to lose." "Absolutely." "Correction, I have money to win." "Thank you very much." " Is this Metro State Movers?" " Yeah, just hang on for a minute." "Yeah, I'm game if you are!" "Yeah, I got chips" "No, actual betting chips." "I'll bring some doritos, too." "I don't care." "Fuck it." "Chips and chicks man, that's what I'm telling you." "Beer and bitches." "Can't go wrong." " Hey, is this a good place to park?" " Sure" " What's wrong with that?" "I don't care how old they are -- alright, that's a lie, nevermind..." "Alright man, I'll call you back." "Yeah, Hall  Oates just showed up." "Yeah, I'll call you back." "Later." "Classic." "Let's go." "You're driving, you have a license, right?" " Yeah" "Alright ladies, file in." " Yeah?" "Come in." " Hi Mr. Bear." "I'm sorry to bother you, but has anyone called about the urn?" "No, I haven't heard anything yet, but" "I talked to someone at the police department and they put a notice in their lost and found department." "So I'm sure someone will call soon." " What will we do if no one comes for it?" " I don't think you have to worry yourself about that." "Its been reported." "Alright ladies, here's the deal " "We're going to clear everything out of this house today." "And we're gonna do it in two stages." "First, I'm going to go through everything and mark all the good stuff with a sticker." "This is the stuff we're going to keep." "It should be packed up carefully." "Once we have the good stuff packed up, we'll get the rest of the shit loaded and get the fuck out of here." "There are boxes and packing supplies in the back of the truck, so why don't you guys open it up, and bring that stuff in." "K?" "Then go ahead and get that piece of shit out of here." " Whoa, dude." "Shouldn't we warm up or something before we lift this?" " Come on, princess." "We got all day to warm up." " Alright" " So how long you been working with this guy?" " Well, I got there two minutes before you, so" " So you're with Manforce?" "Well, I hate to think of it in terms of being "with" Manforce, but yeah, that's who called me this morning and turned me on to this englightening experience." " Oh yeah?" "Whatever, dude." "Whenever you're ready there, we can do this." " My name's Eli, by the way." " Dale." " Pleasure" " So what do we do with this stuff?" " Either throw it away, or give it to charity." "If its not obviously trash, put it in a box and write "donation" on it." " Okay, and the dirty dishes..." "I mean, do you want to wash them or throw them out?" " No." "Fuck." "Just throw them in the donation box." "They don't care if its dirty." "Besides, they hire retarded people to clean this stuff." "Don't throw anything away you don't have to." "It costs money to take shit to the dump." "But donating shit to charity is tax deductible" " So what's the deal?" "Who left all this stuff here anyway?" " Some old lady's house who just died." "Daughter lives in LA and doesn't have time to deal with it." "What about stufi with red stickers then?" "I sell them." "On ebay." "I make a killing." "I don't make dick on the furniture removal." "I underbid everyone else, just so I can get to the stuff first." " So you're the reason there's nothing cool at the thrift stores any more?" "So..." "Why do you work temp labor jobs?" "I mean, I've never been able to figure out why anybody would want to do this." " I don't know." "I think I've been having a hard time committing to anything." " Shit, I know how that is." "But with me - its women" "There's just too many of them." "Probably one of them now." "This dipshit..." "What's up dickweed?" "Haha, no, man I'm moving a house today" "Yeah, man, totally bummed." "Hey sounds good, bring the babes." "Bitches and hoes, you know how I roll." "Oh nice!" "Dude, I just found the old lady's liquor cabinet." "Looks like this is going to be a fun weekend." "Hey, hand me one of those boxes." "Hell yeah, but I ain't sharing with you bitch." "Yeah, because you're a fucking lightweight?" "Haha" "Yeah, keep dreaming." "Damn, I think granny liked drinking, huh?" "Fucking alcoholic bitch." "Good for her." "Alright, leave this here." "Don't touch it." "Start cleaning out the fridge, just throw everything in a big trashbag" "I'm going to start going through this bitch's clothes" "Start working on the bathroom when you're done with the fridge." "Don't you touch that fucking liquor." "I don't want that shit on my truck." "Just leave it on the curb." "Where's your little boyfriend?" "Huh?" " That other dude, is he inside taking a shit or something?" " I don't know, I thought he was out here on the truck." " That shithead." "He's probably inside jerking off or something." "YO!" "Dude, we got work to do, what the fuck!" "Dude, you better not be sleeping on the job." " I think his name's Dale." "I don't give a flying fuck!" "Oh, God fucking damnit!" "Goddamn Fuck." "Jesus Fucking Christ!" "Dale, where the fuck are you?" "Dale!" "Fuck!" "Fucking prick." "Dale, where the fuck are you?" "Jesus titty fucking Christ!" "Fucking damnit!" "Dale, where the fuck are you?" "God!" "I'm not paying shit, your man just stole my property and vanished." "No, I didn't give it to him, he just snuck off with a box full of liquor." "I don't know where the hell he went!" "Manforce, more like shitforce." "Do you have anyone working there who's not a complete fuck up?" "I have no problem coming down there right now." "No, fuck you!" " Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you never come around" " Every now and then I get a little bit tired listening to the sound of my tears" "Every now and then I get a little bit nen/ous that the best of all the years have gone by." "Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes." "Every now and then I fall apart." "Every now and then I fall apart and I need you more tonight yeah, I need you more than ever." "If you only hold me tight we'll be holding on forever." "Yeah, we'll always be making it right we can never be wrong together we can make it to the end of the line" "Your love is like a shadow on me all the time" "Need you tonight." "Always in the dark, we're living in a powder cake and giving off sparks" "I really need you tonight." "Forever's going to start tonight..." "Forever's going to start to..." "Once upon a time I was falling in love" "Now I'm only falling apart..." "Nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart" " Judy, hey, Its Katrina" "I'm looking at today's paperwork and it says that Buster is on the unadoptable list." "Is this a mistake?" "Yeah, dog C57" "But it must be a mistake." "Buster's the sweetest dog here." "Everybody loves Buster." "I know, I know..." "Really," "Buster's different." "He really is the best dog here." "Please you have to take him off the list." "Fine." "We have to get you adopted Buster." " Now I don't know how much longer" "I can handle this temping." "Why don't you get me a PA job?" "I mean it seems a whole lot like temping just better pay and less crazy people." " I've told you you need a car to be a PA." " And I have Otis's car" " Yeah, I can't really imagine a producer being impressed with a PA who's driving his grandpa around everywhere." "Or step-grandpa, whatever he is..." "Being a PA is a lot of work" "Its really stressful." "If there's one thing you've made clear its that you don't like working." " Well, I suppose I can't argue with that." "I still think this whole "have to have a car" thing is kind of fascist, though" "Y'know I just need to make some money so I can go back to school" "This working stufi is killing me." "So where's Aubrey?" "I know you didn't plan this meal for me." "We got in a big fight last night." "And now she's giving me the silent treatment." "She totally freaked out about my new Myspace persona." " Don't you guys have like 80 of those?" " This one got her really jealous for some reason." "You know how irrational she gets sometimes." "I've been corresponding with this one particular guy who's like a" "45-year-old high school teacher and he thinks I'm one of his students." " Yeah, see Chloey, that is a little fucked up." " I know but its like I've gotten addicted to performing under a fake persona." "When I shed my identity I can do anything." " Yeah, actually, I know how that goes." "But for me its karaoke." "Diamond Dave on the mic." "Here I am..." "Rock you like a hurricane" " When's the last time you actually sang karaoke?" "Excluding all the times that you practice in your bedroom, of course." " What?" "Are you stoned or something?" "I do not practice karaoke in my bedroom." " Whatever." "I guess you just get so swept up by the emotional power of" "Total Eclipse of the Hean you don't realize you're belting it out at the top of your lungs." " Total Eclipse of the Heart is one of the most underrated songs of all time." " I know, I know." "But seriously when is the last time you actually went out and sang karaoke?" "I go out." "I go out and do karaoke all the time." "Remember that night at the Alibi when those girls tried to depants me?" "I had the whole place singing along." " Yeah, that was a good night for you." "But it was like two years ago." "Have you actually sang karaoke since then?" "Publicly?" " Well, you know, I don't want to wear out my audience or anything." " Oh, yes." "I can definitely see the danger in that." " I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Bear, but" "Has there been any calls about Kelly?" "Kelly?" " Well, um, you know, the urn." "The ashes of the little girl." " Oh." "No, no one's called." "You know, its possible the owner passed away." "I wouldn't worry yourself about it." "Its been reported, so let headquarters deal with it." " Yes, Mr. Bear." "Crap" " That looks so good on you." " You like it?" " Oh, I love it." " I saw Brian today with his new girlfriend." "This all happened so fast." "I have to stop checking his e-mail." "I need to think of something else and just get my mind off this." "I need to work on my audition video." "I need to stay focused on that." " I found this sign for a missing urn that someone at the thrift store found" "At first I thought it was kind of funny but now I just think its really sad..." "I wonder how many urns get lost." " I guess an urn is like a family heirloom or something." "But I wouldn't want something like that handed down to me." "Its a lot of responsibility having an urn." "You can't just throw it away or sell it at a garage sale or something" "Maybe that's what happened with this one." "Maybe it was too much for someone and it got too sad, and they had to push it away." "I don't know" "It'd be sad to be the person in there." "Like some sad ghost that nobody wanted around any more." "Kind of like the dogs on the unadoptable list." "OK, Hold on a second." "Hey!" "Wake Up!" "I got a job for you." "A P.A. job." " What time is it?" " I got a P.A. job for you" "Are you available tomorrow?" "Just say "yes."" " Available?" "Yeah, sure..." "OK." "I think he can do it." "I'll fill him in and call you back." "Alright, bye." "OK, check it out dude..." "I got the perfect P.A. job for you." "We're shooting a commercial on the coast, on Friday on the beach, and the director just realized that the look of the beach is going to change all day as the tide comes in." "So we need someone to go out there and get footage of it at various times throughout the day and then bring the tapes back so he can see it." " OK, now..." "What is it?" " Sounds perfect, right?" "You can even bring Otis along!" "He can keep you company." " OK, you want me to drive out to the coast, and videotape a beach all day?" " Yeah." "A specific beach." "But, yeah." " And I get paid to do this?" " Yep." "Standard rate." "Two hundred a day." " Two Hundred bucks?" " Yeah." "And they'll even give you gas money." "And you can use my camera." " OK..." "So what's the commercial about?" "Some life insurance company..." "It's just going to be like a typical" "American family hanging out on the beach while some voiceover talks about protecting the ones you love." " Whoa..." "This sounds like the sort of fucked up shit I'm totally qualified to do." " OK. good!" "But this is for real, man." "You can't mess around." "It's my ass on the line." "You've got to be out there really early." "Like 7:00 a.m." "Come back when the sun sets, and give me the tapes." " OK." " Are you positive you can get Otis' car?" " Yeah." "Probably." "I mean it's not like he has anything else going on." "So..." "OK." "I've got to go..." "I'll see you tonight, and I'll give you my camera." " OK, cool." " OK." "Hello, this is Chloe." "Otis, pick up the phone..." "Crap." "Otis?" "Otis..." "Otis." "It's me, Eli..." "You left your front door unlocked again." "Otis?" "Otis?" "Otis." "Otis." "Otis." "Hey." "Well, hello there" " What are you doing back here?" " Well I was doing some recording and this is the quietest place in the house." " Cool." "What are you recording?" " I was doing a narration for the soap film." " Oh, cool..." " Yeah." "You uhh, want to go in the kitchen?" " Sure." " Look at these images that I, that I recorded yesterday." "They're amazing." " Man..." " You know, the world of soap..." "It's..." "It's incredible." "That there are whole worlds inside there." "That." "That one there..." "It's no bigger than a fingernail." " Otis, it's really, really cool." "It looks great." " So Katrina..." "Why do you want to be on a reality television show?" "Well..." "I guess when you're on a reality T.V. show." "It just seems like everything is more important" "When somebody has a breakdown it's really sad and dramatic." "And everybody feels really bad for the person" "When you have a breakdown by yourself it's just sad." "No one really notices" "OF cares" "I hear you've been going through a difficult breakup" "Would you like to talk about that?" "It's been the worst experience of my life." "I went from being totally in love to toally heartbroken in a matter of hours." "I caught him cheating on me." "And how did you catch him cheating on you?" "I know the password to his email account" "I figured it out by reading emails that he sent to his best friend." "He has the same password for everything." "His emails, his MySpace, his bank account." "I figured it out a long time ago, but" "I didn't make it a habit of spying on him." "Just a couple times when he was acting strange." "I guess I never really did trust him." "And are you still spying on him?" "Yeah..." "I guess so." "I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it." "Why?" "What is it that you hope to find?" "I guess I just want to find some indiction that he misses me, that he feels bad and guilty, and that he thinks he made a mistake." "And is that what you've found?" "No." "It's been the exact opposite." "It's like, being able to read somebody's mind, but only finding out things that you wish you didn't know about." "What is it that you want to do with your life?" "Right now I just want to get out of my head." "I want to turn these thoughts off." "I can't stop thinking about this." "This is driving me crazy." "And is that why you want to be on a reality T.V. show?" " Here we are, on the beach. 7:30 a.m." "Cold and misty here, on the beach." "Whew..." "It's chilly out there man." " I bet it is." " OK, so if I have to go out there every half hour..." "That basically means, 8:05 I'll go back out." " You know, your grandma and I came here once." "Well, a whole bunch of us did, from the center." "That was when they were doing those, those "field trips."" " Wait, you came to this exact spot?" " Yeah." "I remember..." "I remember that rock." " Which one?" "The big one?" " Yeah." " Huh." "You know, I think I actually" "I think I remember her talking about that." "That trip." " She loved to go out in the world." " Oh she loved it." "Any kind of road trip..." " Yeah." " She was fun." "You look nice today, Otis." "That's a great suit you have on there." " Oh, well..." "Thank you, Eli." "I thought I should look my best." " So what's this?" " Oh it's the, uhh..." "It's the soap film." " Oh, yeah..." " So you finished it?" " I don't know whether it'll ever be finished, but uhh, that's the sample." " Cool." " I was wondering..." "Do you think we could... give that to one of the people from the film company?" "Oh..." "Y'know, its just us today." "Yeah, they're coming out on Friday to do the commercial, but its just you and me today." "You know, I could give that to Chloey though and maybe she can pass it on to them." ".OkaV" " Is that why you got all dressed up today, then?" " No, no..." "ls Chloey your girlfriend?" " No, nope." "She's ah..." "She's my roommate." "She got me this job though." "We're just friends." " Do you uh..." "Do you have a girlfriend now?" " No, I don't." "Why not?" " Well, I..." "y'know..." "I think its just..." "Its hard to meet people." "Y'know?" "And I have a bad habit of falling in love with lesbians." "Lesbians?" " Yeah." "You know, lesbians, like, um women who like other women." " Oh, right." "Right." "Lesbians." " How about you?" "Any new love interests?" " Oh..." "No, no more for me." "Eli, I'm through dating." " Yeah?" "I thought, ah, there must be a lot of nice ladies at the senior center." "Who would love to be your dance partner." " I've loved two... two amazing women in my life" "I outlived both of them." "I can't go through that again." " I'm sorry man, I was just.." "I guess I was kidding or something..." " No, its okay." " Y'know, when my grandpa died" "I was so worried about my grandma." "Just...scared that she would be alone and lonely...and sad for the rest of her life." "Y'know?" "And then you came along and you were so good to her." "I mean, you picked her up." "And made her so happy" "you really took care of her." " Y'know I've just always wanted to thank you for that." " It was good for both of us." " We'd, we'd both been through the same thing and... well we we helped each other get over it." " Yeah." " Hi, I'm Katrina Collins" " I got this letter in the mail." "Is this where I'm suppose to be?" " Yeah, this is the place." "Just get in line over there." " Hello?" "Yes, hi." "I'm sorry to bother you." "I'm calling to find out if anyone at this number knew, or was related to," "Kelly Ann Langston." "Kelly..." "Ann..." "Langston" "I'm calling to see if anyone at this number may have known her." "No, no, its okay." "I'm sorry to bother you..." "Thank you..." " The question, I know that each and everyone of you is asking yourself right now is..." "Do I have what it takes to be on reality television?" "Well, I'm here to tell you that the answer... is yes!" "Okay?" "Yes to you..." "Yes to you..." "Yes to you..." "Yeah, yes to you..." "Yes to all of you." "See, because the very fact that you're here right now means that you've passed the first test, which is..." "Does this person have the motivation to do it?" "I know - there's a lot of people out there they talk and they talk about doing it, alright?" "But you got out of bed this morning and stood up and said" "I am going to do it!" "Right?" "Okay, so why why don't you say that to me right now?" ""I am going to do it!"" " I am going to do it!" "'Again!" "I am going to do it!" "Huh?" " I am going to do it!" " OK." "So now does anyone else have any more questions about motivation?" "I didn't think so." "OK, so now we know we have the motivation" "But now..." "How do we know if we have that special something?" "That certain thing that reality T.v. show directors are looking for." "That's what we're here to talk about, today." "That is why Talent Services America is here, in Beaverton Oregon." "OK?" "OK, did everyone bring their headshots and audition videos?" "I hope so, OK?" "Because we're going to be looking at those and we're going to be going over the detailed specifics about how you can present yourself in ways that you never thought possible." "OK?" "[Music From Instructional Video Begins Playing]" " I like traveling," "SCUBA diving, volleyball, and pretty much all sons of adventure." "So please consider me for your reality T.V. show." "Because I won't let you down!" "Chrissy... that" "Was excellent." "OK?" "You looked great." "I really felt like I got to know you and you're clearly a natural." "The camerawork was a little bit shaky but that's nothing we can't fix." "OK?" "But what I'd really like to know is what would happen if one of our" "Hollywood makeup artists got their hands on you." "OK?" "Don't get me wrong, you look great." "But." "Like I was telling Tina earlier, video cameras can be very unforgiving" "OK?" "That's why it's important that we have a professional makeup artist" "OK?" "But excellent, excellent work." " Thank you so much." "Making the video was so much fun." "It was like I was keeping a diary, or something." " Yeah." "Yeah, well, you really revealed yourself." "OK?" "That's tough." "I should know." "Really, really good work." "So, who do we have next?" "Katrina Collins?" "Katrina, where you at?" "Oh, OK..." "Well, let's see what you've got for us." " Hi." "My name is Katrina Collins." "I live in Port" " We'll just skip through the intro since we're pressed for time." " Gured out why I want to be on a reality T. V. show so badly." "At first I thought it would just be fun like this big adventure I could go on, and my friends could watch." "And now it's different" "Reading Brian's email is like watching him on reality T.V." "I think I want him to see me in the same way." "I want him to see me moving on and having fun." " What's that on her head?" " And maybe I want him to be jealous." "I don't know." "I don't want him to completely forget about me." "OK." "Here is an example of a video that is very heartfelt, but might not be best suited for an audition tape." "Katrina," "I'd really like to see what you could come up with, with one of our professional videographers." "We really want to figure out what you're all about." "OK?" "Like, what drives Katrina?" "Alright?" "Plus I think you could use a little bit of help with makeup and wardrobe, just to bring out your inner beauty." "OK?" "But uhh, I love the crazy bear hat that you were wearing, though." "I mean, where on Earth did you find that, huh?" "OK, now we're getting close to lunchtime so what I want to do now is share with you some information about becoming a member of our team." "And I also want to talk to you about a special deal that you won't find listed on these sheets." "We decided that, today only, we're going to ofier a special deal that includes our full representation package, with headshois and video audition tape, all for the phenomenally ridiculous price of" "One hundred and ninety nine dollars." "OK." "We take all major credit cards and we get started today." "Yeah." " Are we going to actually audition for any shows today?" " That's the beauty of it." "When you sign up with us you're actually auditioning for several shows at once." "OK?" "And I personally make sure that your information is put in front of the top casting directors in the business" " But we have to pay for this stuff first?" " Well, think about it like you're making an investment in your future." "Kind of like going to college." "OK." "So once you fill out your forms give them back to us, and then we're going to break for lunch." "Be back here by one o'clock." "There is a fantastic food court outside." "And I think there's a" "And I think there's a meatball sandwhich in my future." "I can smell my name on it." " Hey, look." "Is that woman, is that woman spreading ashes?" "She is, look." " Yeah." "That's how I want to go." "Just spread my ashes on the water." "Matter of fact, this would be a good place." " Now Otis, you can't go dying on me." "Who's car would I borrow?" " Well it won't be too long, Eli." "What are you talking about?" "You're doing great." "What, you're only 84." "I bet you'll live to be 100 before you know it." "Oh God, I hope not." "I don't want to be 100." "You know I've seen a lot of things in my life and met a lot of people" "I've had a good life." " You know what?" "I better get out there." " Oh yeah." "It's 10:05." " Yeah." "The tide is coming in too." "Alright, another shot here." "Hey Eli, it's Chloe." "So hey, the director got excited about the color of the changing leaves and decided to change the commercial to a" "Sunday drive through the forest." "So, sorry you spent all day out there for nothing." "I mean, don't worry you'll still get paid and all." "I would've called you on your cell phone, but you don't have a cell phone." "But yeah, sorry about all of the food in the kitchen." "That's for the shoot tomorrow, so don't eat it." "Bye." " Welcome to the world of the unbelievable." "Join us as we explore the fascinating world of soap film and all its splendid charms" "We have replaced a standard hand-held magnifier with a video camera in order to capture the natural, unfettered beauty unique to soap film." "[Turns off video]" ".H6y" "I haven't seen you in a while." "I was starting to think you didn't live here any more." " Thanks." " How's it going?" "OK." "I guess" " Are you collecting stuffed animals now?" " No." "These are for a new project." "I'm going to make things with them." "I realized today that I totally need to change what I'm doing with my life." " Ah." "I know what you mean." "I think I had one of those days too." " Have you, uhh." "Umm." "Nevermind." "Hey!" "Huh?" " Nothing" " Have you ever had your heart broken?" " Yeah." "I think so." " How long does it last?" "And how long does it take to get better?" " I don't know." "I mean, it depends, I guess." "Sometimes I think it might just last forever." " I hope not." " Umm." "Hey." "You want to go get lunch tomorrow?" "There's this really great Thai place" "I was planning on going to." " Maybe." "I like Thai food."