"If you're watching this, you've discovered something you shouldn't have." "Anyway, um..." "This..." "This is a close-up of a model's eye." "Yeah." "I can't remember her name to save my life, but she had the bluest eyes I've ever seen." "The only other time I remember seeing this exact intensity of blue... was the day my sister drowned." "It was everywhere." "It was in the water, in the sky, Nicole's skin." "Blue." "I remember." "And gold." "The gold of the light off the surface of the water." "Like an empty frame flashing onto the screen." "Nicole." "She's the one girl I keep trying to remember." "But I..." "I think she's the problem." "I think she's the reason I am the way I am, right?" "Maybe I should back up and try to explain what the hell happened here." "Jesus Christ." "What the hell did happen here?" "Um..." "Well, let's start with me." "My name is Kevin Wolfe." "I'm a studio photographer." "I do head shots, and most of my clients are girls." "Girls." "They've sort of been the focus of my whole fucking life." "They're sort of a problem for me." "I've just been trying to find a way to forget all the bad experiences... and try to have at least one good one, so... every girl that comes into this studio... every actress, every model..." "I ask out." "Would you like to see a movie?" "And they almost always say..." "No." "And so, I do this forgetting thing." "It's like a ritual." "I mean, I know it sounds weird, but you gotta do something positive... to cancel out the negative experiences, right?" "Um, for instance," "I forgot Theresa by going to Coney Island." "And before Theresa there was Carrie, who decided to stand me up at the movies." "Forgot her by watching every single episode of Lost on DVD." "And then, uh..." "Then there was Sheila." "She was a real girl, you know?" "Not like most actresses..." "not fake." "Although she does look really overdone here." "My assistant Jamie, she sometimes went a little crazy with the makeup." "Anyway, I remember asking..." "Are you single?" "Um, I'm only 19." "Oh." "Um, do you have a... a boyfriend?" "Oh, no." "No, I don't." "Maybe we could go to a-a movie sometime?" "Uh..." "Sure." "Yeah." "Uh, sure." "Um..." "I..." "I like movies." "A lot of girls have a hard time saying no, especially if they're from Iowa or some fucking place." "It's like they're trying to be polite all the time." "But, anyway, she called the day we were supposed to go out... and she said she'd forgotten about other plans." "Some relative was in from out of town, I think, or something, blah, blah, blah." "I forgot her by going to the newsstand." "Flipping through the fashion magazines, the pictures of the skinny supermodels, the emaciated and beautiful." "And then, uh, there are the ones who are not so easy to forget... because they are the ones who said..." "Yes." "Okay." "This looks great." "Thanks." "It's a great smile." "Have you done a lot of acting?" "I mean, theater or..." "Um, a few years ago, I went on some auditions." "And then I met this guy, and... now I'm a hostess." "But I'm planning on getting back into it." "How old are you?" "How old am I?" "Why do you want to know how old I am?" "Where'd you grow up?" "Who said I ever grew up?" "Oh." "Well, where'd you go to school?" "You know, usually, how this works is that I'm usually the one asking questions." "Oh." "What are you doing tonight?" "What am I doing?" "Do you want to go out with me, Kevin?" "Oh, like what?" "Like a movie?" "I was thinking more like a bar." "Okay." "Kevin." "I had a bad dream." "Oh, my God." " Good morning." " Are you taking pictures of me?" "Taking one picture." "Here." "See?" "You look beautiful." "Not likely." "Yeah, you do." "Oh, God." "What time is it?" "Oh, my God." "I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me." "Get the wrong idea?" "What wrong idea?" "Um..." "Yeah." "I mean, I can't believe that I, like..." "Listen, I'm not, uh..." "I'm not the type of person that just wants to..." "Uh, fuck." "Listen, I know that..." "I know that I really don't know you at all, Adrienne." "I can't even think of your last name at the moment." "But..." "And it's safe to say that you don't know me, but..." "I really feel that we made this... this connection." "Right?" "Uh, a connection?" "Yeah." "I mean, you're here, I'm here, and I just feel like there's this..." "there's a spark." "I mean, what I want, really, is just..." "I just want a girl, you know?" "I mean, I'm just a guy." "I mean, I'm not, like, a fashion photographer." "It's nothing glamorous." "I just do head shots, you know... 300 a digital set, prints are extra." "It's the deal I gave you, essentially." "Yeah." "Um, hey, listen." "Yesterday was, like, a really, um, weird day for me." "So..." "Mmm." "Yeah." "Okay." "Sh..." "Coffee?" "Do you want coffee?" "I could go down to the corner..." "No, thanks." "No, thanks." "You have to go to work?" "Work." "Yeah, I do." "Work." "Can I, um..." "Can I call you sometime?" "Um, did I give you my number?" "Oh." "Wow." "Uh, yeah, you gave it to Jamie on the card... so that I could call you when the pictures were ready." "Oh!" "Right, right." "Awkward." "Okay." "Thanks!" "Fuck." "Fucking fuck." "I am such a fucking idiot." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "I can't believe how stupid I am." "No idea how to talk to people..." "girls in particular." "Hi." "I really think we had this connection, right?" "Hi!" "We have a connection." "I really think, uh..." "Stupid." "I'm so fucking stupid." "I'm stupid." "I'm such a fucking moron." "I'm such a fucking dumb-ass piece of shit." "Fucking brain..." "Hey." "Hi." "Do you wanna go camping?" "Uh, Derek and me were..." "Derek and I are going camping, and we want you to go." "And I was thinking you could do some of your nature photography." "You know, if you don't want to, that is totally fine." "Please tell me you're kidding, right?" "Yeah." "I was kidding." "You're kidding." "Yeah." "I got you." "You got me." "I'm going to go set up now." "Okay." "Do you have any pictures to show me?" "Nah." "You never show me your pictures." "They're just girls." "They're just..." "head shots." "They're boring, Ruby." "They'd bore you." "Girls are nice." "You wouldn't like 'em." "Trust me, Ruby." "You wouldn't like any of 'em." "They're not dirty pictures, are they?" "Come on." "I've seen those magazines." "I know what all kinds of pictures they have out there." "They're not dirty." "You're taking dirty pictures!" "You are crazy, Ruby." "You are a crazy old woman." "You shouldn't call me Ruby." "You should call me Grandma." "Ruby, can I see the pictures of Nicole?" "She wasn't supposed to be called "Nicole," you know, because that was your mother's name." "I know." "But when she died, we thought it was fitting." "Just a newborn baby, and a little girl and all." "Such a pretty little baby." "It was fitting she should have your mother's name." "Oh, your mother..." "I guess it was just one of those things." "They said they couldn't have known." "And I thought I could console myself with little Nicole." "You're all I've got left." "Fuck." "It's not that you're a bad guy or anything." "I mean, you seem like you're really nice." "It's just..." "I don't know... like you seem kind of like, um..." "You know, like, with the whole connection thing?" "And then, plus, the mood that I was in when we..." "You know, um, I was kind of acting something out." "I mean, you..." "you asked me out, you know." "Why would you ask me out?" "I mean, I don't..." "I'm sorry." "It's not something that you should do lightly, you know." "You know what?" "Thank you for the head shots." "I, uh..." "Yeah, I have some, uh, extra prints in here, if you want them." "And I ended up using one of them, actually, for my flyer." "I hope that doesn't bother you." "Oh, no, it's fine." "And these are fine." "Yeah." "Um..." "It is fine." "It's gonna be fine." "It's totally fine." "It's, uh..." "Don't even feel bad about it." "You know, I know a lot of girls." "Um, it's just..." "I felt..." "I felt like we had a, uh..." "Hey, Kevin." "I'm sorry." "Me too." "You know when you're in a museum and you're looking at a painting, and it's really freaking you out?" "It's all jagged and awful, and it gets inside you?" "Then you just turn your head and walk through the door... into another room of the museum, and you're looking at another painting... a calculation of colors, abstract and meaningless, but beautiful." "So beautiful." "Just waiting for you... if you just walk through." "Hi." "Uh, my name's Kevin Wolfe." "I'm a studio photographer." "I do head shots, $300 a digital set." "Prints are extra." "You've probably seen my flyers... all over the city?" "No?" "Sounds like you've said that a few times before." "Yeah, I think I even say it in my sleep." "Well, I mean, it's okay if you haven't seen 'em." "It's probably not something you'd pay attention to anyway." "I mean, unless, of course, you know, you wanted to get head shots, right?" "I mean, are you, uh, an actor?" "Yeah, uh, actually, I need some." "Yeah?" "I'm Beth." "Beth, uh..." "Beth Dalewell." "Beth Dalewell." "Are you, uh, enjoying the play so far?" "Yeah." "Uh, so far it's all right." "Just all right?" "Yeah." "I don't know." "It's kind of embarrassing, isn't it?" "I mean, the guy's walking around in white tights pretending to be a swan." "I don't know." "We're actually supposed to believe he is one." "Yeah." "Did..." "Did you produce it or something?" "Oh, no." "No, no, no." "I mean..." "I did the head shots for someone in that cast." "Yep." "And plus, I'm just a fan of the theater." "Oh, fuck." "I can't believe I just said that." ""I'm a fan of the theater."" ""The theater."" "I'm sorry." "I'm just an idiot." "No, you're..." "you're funny." "I'm funny?" "What do you..." "What do you mean?" "I don't know." "You're just..." "You're just funny." "So..." "Are you, um, coming from Kevin's?" "Uh, yeah." "Just picking up some head shots." "Photos." "Are you an actress?" "I'd like to be." "What do you do?" "Nothing." "Really?" "I'm sort of the..." "the landlord." "Oh." "I feel like I'm just like this worthless piece of shit... that, like, exists in the world for absolutely no reason." "And, like, I should just essentially be dead, and everyone would be happier." "Like everyone else has a reason to be alive, and I'm just, like, this worthless failure that has no... point." "Okay, Jamie." "James." "Listen." "I look in the mirror, and I'm just like..." "I just feel like I'm so ugly and hideous, and I..." "Jamie, listen." "You're not hideous, Jamie." "You're not ugly at all." "Will you..." "Will you stop being so negative?" "Why don't you try being positive?" "Think about..." "Think about anything." "I know, Derek." "I know it is your job to talk me down, okay?" "And..." "I'm not gonna drink anything, okay?" "And thank you, you know?" "Thank you." "You're like my only friend in the entire world, and that is why I call you, because you're nice, you know?" "You're a very, very, very nice sponsor." "I'm really gia..." "Can you hold on?" "I have another call." "Hi, honey." "Hi, Mom." "I didn't interrupt anything?" "No." "I can call you back if you want." "No." "What are you doing?" "I was just on the other line with the suicide hotline, so..." "Really?" "Yeah." "They said I should do it." "Oh, my God, Jamie." "Are you okay?" "I'm kidding." "I'm kidding, Mom." "Why would you scare me like that?" "Can you please hold on for a second?" "The swan started crying, you know?" "The dancing was one thing, and then... and then, yeah." "Hi." "Hey." "So, I still need you to get me a key for the downstairs, and then you wouldn't have to buzz me in every time I come to work." "I don't mind it, but since I already have the upstairs key, and I know it bothers you..." "I keep forgetting about that." "Would you mind making some coffee, please?" "Yes." "So... you know how I was telling you Derek is gay?" "I know you knew he was gay, but all of my best friends are always gay." ""Fag hag." That's what they used to call me in high school." "Because my best friend was gay..." "Tony." "Oh, my God." "You would like Tony." "The weird thing is is that I have never known any lesbians." "I mean, I don't think I'd get along with one." "Although, who's to judge?" "I don't know." "Maybe I've known a lot of lesbians and didn't know." "God." "If I was friends with lesbians in high school, they couldn't have called me "fag hag."" "They'd have to call me something else like "lesbi-friend."" "Oh, shit." "You didn't think, a minute ago, that I was saying I thought you were gay, 'cause that is not what I was saying." "I would not want you to think..." "That's not..." "Wow." "So, yeah, Derek is not my boyfriend, and I wouldn't even want Derek to be my boyfriend even if he wasn't gay." "I mean..." "You know what I'm saying?" "Kevin?" "Sorry." "Jesus Christ, Tanner." "It's dark as hell in here." "Sorry." "I need to borrow your..." "your car this weekend." "Is that all right?" "What have you got in your hand?" "Just pictures." "Photographs." "Let's see." "I don't think so." "If you want to borrow the Impala, show me the pictures." "That's a good boy." "Mmm." "Mmm." "I saw this one on the poster." "Wait a minute." "You mean you actually left your apartment?" "Hilarious." "Did you fuck her?" "Let's look at yours." "Mine are better." "Yeah, I'm sure." "Hmm, hmm, hmm." "Aw!" "God." "Look at this one." "What is..." "What is that?" "That's a fish." "Why would she..." "Look at this one." "Yeah." "Oh." "Where do you get this shit?" "Come on, Kevin." "This is beautiful." "You're so fucked up." "Yeah." "Can I keep this?" "Yeah, it's yours." "Thanks." "Don't you want this?" "No." "Why?" "What'd you do to her?" "I guess I scared her." "Yeah, apparently." "Apparently, I do that sometimes." "Anyway, Adrienne's memory played on in my psyche... like one of those extended remixes... over and over and over." "How did I forget her?" "Hello?" "Hey, it's Kevin." "You, uh..." "You still going camping?" "Yes." "So I'm pretty much not sure what I'm going to call it yet." "It could either be a "uni-peg" or a "pega-corn,"" "or I could just call it something really simple like "flying horse with horn."" "You know what I mean?" "If I just need to keep it simple." "But basically, it's like the most incredible animal that's ever existed." "It's half unicorn, half Pegasus." "So it's like a flying horse with wings and a horn." "I can't even tell you how important the Pegasus on its own, without a horn, has been essentially since I was, like, born." "'Cause when I was a kid, I had this game called Dark Tower." "It's, like, there's this tower, and it's called the Dark Tower." "And there's all these things like Brigands..." "I think the Brigand is the bad guy." "Then there's this other..." "like you have rations." "Oh, yeah." "And you go to the Bazaar." "It spins around, and I don't know..." "Jamie." "Could you stop, like..." "Could you stop talking, please?" "For like a second." " I'm sorry." "" "I'm really sorry." "No, don't be sorry." "You just..." "You make me nervous, I guess." "There's nothing to be nervous about." "There isn't?" "No." "I like you, okay?" "Just... with the talking, please just be calm, okay?" "For an exercise." "Because I want to be quiet." "I mean, I really do." "It's like I want my mouth to just die." "But then, like, all of a sudden, it's back." "It resurrects like Christ, and then it's like..." "Jamie!" "Please!" "I am begging you." "Sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Thank you." "I'll shut up." "She told me how she feels about you, Kevin." "You might take that into consideration." "What are you talking about?" "Jamie's... very fragile." "I'm not saying she'd do anything, but..." "Just do me a favor and be nice to her." "Yeah." "Yeah, of course." "Everybody loves him." "He's very talented." "Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet." "Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!" "I'm sorry." "Tweet, tweet." "Tweet, tweet!" "In the end, I did end up forgetting Theresa... and Doris and Allison and Sheila and Adrienne... and... and all of them." "I mean, it's not that I forgot them literally though." "It's just I made it so I didn't care anymore." "See?" "That's a picture of me not caring." "Ah, anyway, um," "I decided I had to try to remember more about my sister Nicole, what happened." "Try to really find the answer this time, try to figure out..." "why I'm like this." "All right, Ruby." "Are you comfortable?" "What do you want me to do?" "Well, I just..." "I want to record you, okay?" "I want to..." "I want to record some of your stories about the old days... because, uh..." "I mean, what happens when you're gone, right?" "I mean, no one's gonna know what you know." "So, I just want you to talk, all right?" "Just like normal." "Forget that the camera's even here." "What do you want me to talk about?" "Talk about Mom." "Talk about Nicole." "What is it?" "Uh, there's someone here." "I didn't have an appointment." "It's not a good time." "I think you should come out here, Kevin." " Hi." " Um, my name is Denise Gilcrest, and this is my..." "this is Mike Haley." "What..." "What can I do for you?" "Well..." " Adrienne." " She's my sister." " You're Kevin Wolfe, right?" " Yeah." "Yeah." " I took these pictures." " Have you seen her?" "Uh, no." "I mean, not for a while." "You know." "Why?" "Is..." "Is she..." " She's been missing." " Missing?" " Did you know her?" " Me?" "No." "No, I just saw her when we did the pictures." "But you knew her better than that, didn't you, Kevin?" "Yeah." "I mean, we went out one night, um, and then that was it." "I mean, I called her once after that, and then we saw each other briefly, but..." " Do you remember what day that was?" " Yeah, that was on..." "Uh, when was that?" "Uh, no, actually I don't remember exactly." "Well, where did you go?" "We went to a diner on 43rd Street, and then, uh..." "Yeah, are you sure she didn't just take off?" "Is that..." "I mean, you called her friends and everything?" "If she just took off, she did it with none of her belongings... no suitcase, no money, nothing." "The detectives think it's really unlikely, so..." "She would have called her sister, don't you think?" "Are the police, like..." "Are they helping you guys?" "Hardly." "So, can you tell us what you talked about the last time you saw her?" "Um, yeah." "Well, I gave her these pictures, and then, uh... and then, geez, what did we..." "then we talked about, um..." "Well, we talked about why she didn't really wanna see me." "She was breaking up with you?" "Ye..." "Well, I mean, we had hardly left it at that." "Do you guys want coffee or..." "Hmm." "Oh!" "You are one sick motherfucker." "Ah, you're just as interested in these pictures as I am." "Mm-mmm." "No, I like real girls." "Yeah, but even these girls won't do it... unless there's a camera there." "It's true." "The camera..." "That's what makes all this magic happen." "You do have a point." "Which is exactly why you became a photographer." "So that you could get girls to do twisted shit... like... that." "I don't take pictures like this." "What about that one?" " It's not pornographic." " She's naked." "Yeah, but it's different." "It's completely different." "Oh, yeah." "I mean, if I were you, I would..." "I'm not really interested in what their bodies look like in these pictures." "Would Adrienne do something like... that?" "No." "See her eyes?" "Yeah?" "Yeah, like, the way they're flat." "Looks like she doesn't even care, like it doesn't even matter." "Yeah." "That's exactly what I don't like." "When I have a girl at the studio, she's, like..." "She's doing it for a whole different reason." "She's looking at the camera in a completely different way, like... like she's looking out at you from the inside." "And you see it." "You see that spark." "You see that life." "Good." "Good." "This is really good." "Have you modeled before?" "No." "I'm an actress." "I mean, I want to be an actress." "Right." "Wolfe Photography." "Hello." "Uh, Kevin's busy right now." "Who is it?" "Just some girl." "What girl?" "Uh, Beth, her name is." "Beth." "Give me the phone." "Hold on." "Kevin wants to talk to you." "Hold on for one second." "Beth?" "Hi!" "Beth from the play, right." "Kevin won a, uh, portrait award in college." "I don't know if you know that." "It's true." "I'm Jamie, by the way." "I've been doing Kevin's makeup..." "Well, not Kevin's makeup because Kevin doesn't actually wear any makeup, but makeup for his clients, you know." "Girls like you..." "actresses and models." "You're not a model, are you?" "Mm-mmm." "No." "Hmm." "Good." "I'm so glad that you called." "Your pitch was pretty hard to forget." "Remember Beth?" "Hmm?" "Those big, watery eyes." "Her mouth permanently curved into a half smile." "I'll never forget the day that she looked me dead in the eye and she said..." "Okay." "You will?" "What do you wanna see?" "Um, I don't know." "Whatever." "Anything that you wanna see." "You can pick it." "Okay." "I'll call you." "Later this afternoon, I'll find something and I'll call you." "Good." "Okay, yeah, call me." "Good." "Okay." "I was starting to get giddy inside." "Like all of a sudden, I had another chance." "It was like Adrienne had never happened." "Forget Adrienne!" "Just relax." "I knew exactly what was gonna happen next." "It was gonna be awesome." "Truly, incredibly, amazingly fantastic." "Easily the greatest romantic experience of my entire... fucking..." "life." "You're incredibly blotchy." "What are you talking about?" "Step away with that thing, please." "Please." "Maybe afterwards we could grab a bite to eat?" "Maybe." "Maybe." " There's nothing wrong with me, is there?" " No." "He could..." "He could..." "I mean, if I really made an effort..." "You would totally have to help me, Derek." "Jamie." "He could go for me, right?" "Jamie." "He's all I ever think about, Derek." "I know." "He's all I ever have on my mind." "And sometimes I think if I could just get him away from those girls for one minute, if I could just get them out of the fucking picture..." "There's always another one." "Maybe you should keep your options open." "There are a lot of boys out there." "Kevin can't be the only one, can he?" "He kind of is." "What was she like, Ruby?" "What was her..." "her personality like?" "Oh." "She was full of energy." "She was rambunctious." "Not like you." "You were always quiet, always such a quiet little boy." "You were very sensitive, you know." "Oh, but I was so proud of you." "So proud." "Of both of you." "You were such good children." "A boy and a girl." "Wish your mother could have seen you." "She never even saw your sister at all, did she?" "She never even saw what Nicole looked like." "She never..." "She never got to see her own daughter." "How could I have lost my two girls like that?" "Hey, hey." "Hey." "Thought I wouldn't make it?" "Hmm." "I wasn't sure." "Uh, we don't have to see this particular movie if you don't want to." "I mean, there are a lot we can go to." "Yeah, this is fine." "I really wanted to see this, you know, so..." "And besides, I already bought the tickets." "Yeah." "Um, do you want some popcorn?" "Sure." "La-la-la-la, la-la" "La-la" "La-la-la-la" "What about..." "What about the day that she... you know... in the pool?" "Kevin." "I can't." "You can't remember?" "It was my fault." "I wasn't there." "I wasn't..." "I know you tried." "Did you see me?" "Did you see me try?" "You know what I like to do sometimes, Derek?" "Sometimes I like to imagine that I have this whole bottle of little blue pills." "Why blue?" "I don't know." "I just like the color, I guess." "And then, I take these little blue pills... and I line them up on the bed, one by one." "Jamie, why are you telling me this?" "I'm just making conversation, Derek." "Then I take the pills... and I push them into my mouth." "Past my lips." "But you don't have any... of those pills." "Do you?" "No." "No, of course not." "'Cause if you did, you would tell me." "I tell you everything, Derek." "You're my sponsor." "I just feel like, why did she have to call him?" "Who, Jamie?" "Her name is..." "B-E-T-H." "Jamie, I'm..." "I'm gonna ask you to do something for me." "I'm gonna put down the phone." "And I want you to look at yourself." "This is gonna sound stupid, but I want you to look at yourself in the mirror, and I want you to tell yourself that you're pretty." " Did you hear me?" " Are you serious?" "Do that for me, Jamie." "Are..." "Are you gonna stay on the phone?" "I'm right here." "Okay." "You... are..." "You... are..." "Fuck you." "Go fuck yourself!" "I'm not even fucking kidding around right now." "Go fuck yourself, you stupid piece of shit!" "I fucking hate you!" "I fucking hate you, and I want you to fucking die!" "The holy crosses" "Shit." "Co..." "Coming." "Did you find her?" "No." "Did you ask anyone in the diner?" "Nobody remembers you two being there." "Where's your boyfriend?" "Kevin." "Do you mind if I ask you a question?" "No, not at all." "Did you do something to her?" "Listen, I-I..." "I am really sorry if something bad has happened to your sister." "I really am." "But it was her decision to not see me anymore, you know?" "That was her choice, not mine." "I've just been trying to forget I ever met her." "I'm sorry." "No, I'm sorry." "I don't know what I'm doing." "Just tell me..." "Tell me how to help." "I just don't know where she is." "I know." "Gee." "I'm so sorry." "No, no, no, no." "It's okay." "It's okay." "That was good." "The movie?" "Oh, no, the..." "the pizza." "Was it, uh, Ray's Original or Famous Ray's?" "Famous Ray's Original." "Um, you can kiss me now." "Really?" "Hey, hey." "Sorry." "Not, uh..." "Not yet." "What?" "Um..." "Kevin." "Kevin." "Kevin, come on." "I said stop." "Shit." "Okay." "Sorry." "I just, uh..." "Sorry." "I thought that we had a..." "Oh." "Sorry." "No." "You're really nice, you know." "Uh..." "Nice." "And I really like you." "And..." "I just..." "I just barely know you." "You know?" "I mean, we just, um..." "I just met you." "And I..." "I just think, you know, I gotta wait a little." "I mean, you've just gotta be patient." "But I love you." "Suddenly, I could see directly into the future." "Sorry." "I could see the days unfolding in front of me like pages of a newspaper." "Huh." "What do you mean?" "And I realized that Beth was far, far away." "I would have to forget Beth with some... severity." "It wouldn't be easy." "Forgetting Beth would not be easy at all." "If I told her the truth..." "This is bullshit." "I'm sorry." "This..." "If I told her who I really was..." "I probably should go." "She would hate me." "Uh, Kev." "Uh..." "Why would she go out with me in the first place?" "What the fuck is wrong with her?" "Kevin..." "What the fuck is wrong with me?" "I just..." "And I guess I hadn't really forgotten Adrienne after all." "Sometimes nothing can help you forget a girl better than another one." "Hello?" "Hey, it's me." "What are you doing?" "What happened to your date?" "What date?" "Oh." "Uh, are you hungry?" "No." " Will you meet me?" " Okay." "The truth is, women are objects." "I mean, the feminists can say what they want, but when it comes right down to it, girls are made of bones... and muscle..." "and blood." "And you're over there." "You're right behind the camera, looking at them, creating a moment, an object in space." " And you're saying..." " Smile." "Look this way." "And smooth your hair just back a little off your eye." " And they're saying..." " How do you want me?" "Here?" "Like this?" "And you're saying... yes." "Yes, I want you exactly... like... that." "Like that." "I take the "A" train" "No!" "Oh, yes!" " That's one of the saddest things I've ever seen." " I'm fine." "And..." " Oh!" " Yes!" "I got one." "Notice the form." "You're like..." "I'm a champion!" " Go, Kevin, go!" "Your aim..." "It almost looks like you're placing it in the gutter." "There." "You want a direct line." "Cool it, cool it, cool it, cool it, cool it, cool it, cool it" "Feel the hot dough" "Are you kidding me?" "Oh!" "Are you kidding me?" "Oh!" "Oh, my God." "I'm like a bowling genius." " That is..." "Wow." " Oh, my God." "That..." "Wow." "Is this helping you?" "What do you mean?" "With that girl." "With Beth." "Is this helping you with your forgetting thing?" "Do you know what I need?" "What?" "I need whiskey." "Neat." "Do you want to go get a drink?" "Yeah." "That would be fantastic." "Okay." "Looks like you caught me." "Mmm." "Looks like I did." "My parents are dead." "Or actually, you know, that I..." "I never actually met my dad, so... who knows?" "Who knows?" "He might still be alive." "Um..." "And then when I was eight or... seven." "Uh..." "Something like that..." "Eight, seven." "I... had a sister." "Uh, Nicole." "I have a dead sister..." "named Nicole." "What-What happened to her?" "You know, I don't know." "I, uh..." "It's hard for me to remember." "I, uh..." "She drowned in the pool." "She drowned?" "Yeah." " Oh, my God." "It's okay, Kevin." "Is it?" "Yeah." "It's fine." "I don't pay you enough." "Oh, my God." "Jamie, I don't." "Come on." "I don't." "I mean, here we are, we're sitting here." "I feel like I can tell you anything." "You can." "Yeah." "I feel like I can..." "I-I can explain myself to you." "You can." "I feel like..." "I feel like you understand." "I do, Kevin." "Yeah." "I do." "I-I do understand." "I understand absolutely everything." "Anything that you could ever say to me, I would understand." "And there's something that I've been wanting to tell you too." "For a really long time, okay?" "Mm-hmm." "And that is that..." "I told my mom... that you were my boyfriend." "And, like, I know that I shouldn't have." "Oh, and another thing:" "I've been following you." "When you're with those girls." "Just to make sure you're okay." "And I know that I shouldn't and everything, but I just..." "I don't know." "I wanted to make sure you were okay." "And I just felt, like, a little bit jealous, and, uh..." "I don't know." "It's just that I've always felt like we have this amazing connection, you know?" "And, like, the first time I ever met you..." "It was like I was watching again." "I mean, I was there with Jamie, in the bar, sitting on the hard stool." "But my true self was actually up in the ceiling, looking down, watching myself sitting there." "I could see Jamie too." "I left you on the bed" "And took all the money" "Gonna buy you something to ease the hurt" "You're here." "You're here." "I am." "I've loved you for so long." "I know." "I've always loved you." "I know." "It's okay." "Okay." "This is Jean." "Jean." "Forgotten after a full-release body massage." "Oh, this is Fiona." "Uh..." "I forgot Fiona by joining a gym I never ended up going to." "Brenda." "I forgot Brenda at the Museum of Modern Art." "I forgot..." "Mary." "Forgot Sarah." "Forgot Kelly." "I forgot..." "Forgot." "Forgot." "Forgot." "Holy shit." "I had to do something radical, something to forget all this in a major way." "I was really going out of my mind, I admit." "And I don't think I knew..." "I mean, I..." "I knew what was going on, what was happening." "But I had to find some way of canceling it all out." "Of forgetting Beth, forgetting Adrienne... and especially forgetting Jamie." "I had to forget Jamie." "Kevie." "Kevie!" "Kevin!" "I really feel that we made this... this connection." "I'm really sorry, Kevin." "But I love you." "What do you mean?" "I feel like I can tell you anything." "I've been following you." "I've always loved you." "Beth." " What are you doing here?" "Oh." "I thought you were someone else." "Ow." "Poor Beth." "She couldn't have known what I was doing this for." "But once I started," "I had to keep going." "Come on." "I had to forget about all this somehow." "Kevie." "Kevie!" "I just wish I could remember more about Nicole, you know?" "Kevie!" "What the hell was she doing in that pool anyway?" "She wasn't allowed." "She was too little to swim." "I mean, I could barely swim myself." "What was I supposed to do?" "How was I supposed to save her?" "What are we gonna do with her?" "How did you get in?" "I finally got a key made." "Oh." "Why don't you go hop in the shower, and I'll clean up here." "Go." "In the past I was a man" "But now I'm a ghost with dirty hands" "I stain the ground as I crawl to you" "I stain the ground as I move on through" "Good." "Good." "And tilt..." "Tilt your head a little to the left." "A little more." "Yeah." "Completely." "In the dark I cannot sleep" "Good." "That's good." " I can't escape these thoughts that creep" " Hmm." "Good." "Look this way." "Great." "Yeah, let's see that smile." "Good." "Good." "Perfect." "Move your hair." "A shadow descending to be a man" "Why don't you sit up here?" "Me?" " Just for one shot." "" "Mmm." "My makeup is a mess." "No, that's okay." "It's not a glamour shot, Jamie." "Plus, I just..." "I don't have any pictures of you, that's all." "Let's see." " You know, Jamie, I've been thinking about..." " I'm not gonna tell anyone." "I know." "I know that you wouldn't do that." "But..." "You have to understand, I..." "I can't go around remembering all of this." "You know?" "I have to forget." "Well-Well, what about last night?" "Do you have to forget..." "Jamie, last night was... a mistake." "Oh." "Do you know what I mean?" "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "'Cause I..." "I have been thinking about something... for a really long time." "And I even told Derek about it." "And he's trying to talk me out of it, but..." "I've got a whole..." "whole fucking bottle." "Of what?" "Blue pills." "Blue." "Blue." "Jamie, it's gonna be beautiful." "It's gonna be so beautiful." "You." "Beautiful?" "You... are gonna be so beautiful." "Beautiful." "So beautiful." "So beautiful." "I promise." "I promise." "I'll give you something." "I wanna be beautiful for you, Kevin." "I wanna be beautiful for you." "Kevin, if you are watching this, that means that you found me." "And I just want you to know... why I killed Beth Dalewell in your studio." "And also, why I took Adrienne Gilcrest's life too." "I guess I was jealous." "And now I have nothing left... to live for." "I have nothing left." "I'm sorry." "This is Adrienne." "I forgot her on a camping trip." "This is Beth." "Forgotten." "And this is Jamie." "Where did you get these anyway?" "A doctor." "Said I was nervous." "You should wipe your fingerprints off the bottle, don't you think?" "Don't worry." "What if it doesn't work?" "It'll work." "Kevin." "Can I keep my clothes on?" "Sure." "Sure, you can keep 'em on." "If you're watching this, you've discovered something you shouldn't have." "Anyway, um..." "This..." "This is a close-up of a model's eye." "I can't remember her name to save my life, but she had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen." "The only other time I remember seeing this exact intensity of blue... was the day my sister drowned." "It was everywhere... in the water, in the sky, Nicole's skin." "Blue." "Nicole." "She's the one girl I keep trying to remember." "But I..." "I think she's the problem." "I think..." "I think she's the reason..." "I am the way I am, right?" "This is what it looked like, these flashes of white." "It was like this empty slide." "The sun was flashing off the water." "It was just like this." "Jesus." "I watched her." "I watched the whole thing." "Through the blue and the gold and the white flashes." "The white... flashes." " Flashes." "Kevie!" "Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Help me!" "Somebody help!" "Do you remember what happened, sweetheart?" "I just don't remember." "I watched her." "I was looking through the light." "Into the heart of the light." "Into the silence." "I knew my baby sister was drowning." "And I let it happen." "I watched it... because it was beautiful." "I let it happen... because it was beautiful to see." "Under the water, Nicole called my name." "What I saw were flashes of light." "And what I heard..." "What did I hear?" "Put your hands over your ears." "Press down." "I know it's hard to tell how mixed up you feel" "Hoping what you need is behind every door" "Each time you get hurt, I don't want you to change" "'Cause everyone has hopes You're human after all" "The feeling sometimes, wishing you were someone else" "Feeling as though you never belong" "This feeling is not sadness This feeling is not joy" "I truly understand Please don't cry now" "Please don't go I want you to stay" "I'm begging you, please Please don't leave here" "I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel" "The world is just illusion trying to change you" "Being like you are Well, this is something else" "Who would comprehend?" "But some that do lay claim" "Divine purpose blesses them" "Well, that's not what I believe" "And it doesn't matter anyway" "A part of your soul ties you to the next world" "Or maybe to the last, but I'm still not sure" "But what I do know is to us the world is different" "As we are to the world I guess you would know that" "Please don't go I want you to stay" "I'm begging you, please Please don't leave here" "I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel" "The world is just illusion trying to change you" "Please don't go I want you to stay" "I'm begging you, please Oh, please don't leave here" "I don't want you to change for all the hurt that you feel" "This world is just illusion always trying to change you" "Please don't go I want you to stay" "I'm begging you, please Please don't leave here" "I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel" "The world is just illusion trying to change you" "Please don't go I want you to stay" "I'm begging you, please Oh, please don't leave here" "I don't want you to change for all the hurt that you feel" "This world is just illusion always trying to change you"