"Sync and corrections by explosiveskull" "Fuck!" "Oh, shit!" "Hey!" " Hi." "Oh, no..." " Hi." " Don't step there." " Oh, shit." " I gotta sweep that up." " Sorry." "Hey, did you notice last night, there was a point where I was spooning you and then you were spooning Grandpa?" "It was so cute." "Oh, my God!" "Bertie leaves half-eaten yogurt cups in here." "Who eats half a yogurt and then puts it back?" "She is a small person, so..." "Can I help?" "Why are you cleaning?" "Oh, well, my dad's coming to town, so I figured I'd clean." "Your dad?" "Really?" "Marty Dobbs, flying in from Jersey as we speak." "Wow." "I had no idea." "Well, he didn't tell me until yesterday." "My dad's Mr. Casual." "But it's cool." "It'll be good to see him, I think." "That's cool." "I'm sure you guys will have a fun time." " Hmm." " Um... you, uh, guys got any big plans?" "Well, I was gonna meet him for lunch near the airport and bring him back here." " Hmm." " You should come with." "Oh!" "Uh, wow, okay, um..." "It'll be fun!" "Please, please, please." "Free lunch on Marty Dobbs." "What else are you gonna do today, hmm?" "I don't know." "I just..." "I don't wanna intrude on time with your dad and..." "Meeting a dad's kind of a big deal, don't you think?" "Dude, no." "It is so not a big deal." "If you meet my mom, that's a big deal." "This will be easy." "My dad's kind of an asshole, but you'll like him and he'll love you." "I mean, compared to all the other guys he's met." "The last guy was on cat tranquilizers." " Those work on humans?" " Yeah." "Same as human ones." "You gotta take a bunch." "So, what do you say, Cruikshank?" "Are you in?" "Uh... okay." "Yes, fine." "Why not?" "I'll meet Poppa Dobbs." "Sure." "Sweet!" "I'm gonna take a quick shower, and we'll hit the road." "Okay." "All right." "Oh, hey, Gus." "Bertie." "Morning." "Why is everything different?" "Oh, uh, Mickey's cleaning up." "Yeah." "I guess her dad's visiting." " He is?" " Yeah." "And, uh, I'm gonna go meet him." " Oh, wow!" "For real?" " Mmm-hmm." "You think it's too soon?" "Hmm." "I don't know." "That's a good question." " Oh, where'd my yogurt go?" " That's also a good question." "Do you know where it went?" "No." " You look nice." " Glad I showered." "Oh, me too." "It would've been a bad first impression to meet your dad with me, like, reeking of sex." "Hmm." "Yeah." "That's probably something dads can smell instinctively anyway." "Got any, uh, tips on meeting your dad?" "Anything I should know going in?" " Mmm, not really." " Yeah?" "What's he do for a living?" "He used to be a dentist, before he lost his license for giving out, uh, prescriptions of pain medications." "Oh." "Okay." "Now he's a consultant, whatever that means." " Hmm." " He's always about to make a ton of money on some amazing idea that always falls through." "Uh, yeah, yeah." "When's the... when's the last time you guys saw each other?" "Two, three years ago." "Oh." "Shit." "So this is..." "this is kind of a big deal." "I mean, it's not not a big deal, but it's not a big deal." "Do you two not..." "Like, I don't know what..." "Do you guys not get along, or..." "No, it's not that." "I mean, we're just, you know, both busy people." "I mean, he's my dad, so it'll always be a little complicated, but we're not, like, estranged or anything." "Yeah, yeah." "Well, don't worry, dads are kind of my specialty." "A lot of times an ex's dad will like me more than his daughter ever did." "That's fucked up." "Yeah, I realize that's probably not something I should brag about." "I'm guessing it's more of a turn on to be the bad boy anyway, right?" "Not for me anymore." "Where is he?" "I mean, his plane landed, like, an hour ago." "Yeah." "Uh, I wouldn't worry about it." "You know, it probably takes a long time getting off the plane, and picking up your bags and... waiting in line for those taxis and stuff." " That's probably him." " Oh, yup." " Oh, shit." " Thank you." " Hey, Dad!" " Hey, kiddo!" "How are ya?" "Aw." "Man, you're even skinnier than the last time I saw you." "Ah, you look pretty good yourself." "Yeah, I do, don't I?" " Hello!" "Hi." " Hey." "Sorry." "This is Gus." "He's..." "Uh, we're dating." "Nice to meet you, Marty." "Sorry, I'm a hugger." " Gus, huh?" " Yeah." "I only ever knew one other Gus." "Gus Greenwold." "Solid guy." "Oh, yeah." "I think I, uh, met him last year at the, uh, Gus Convention." "He's not alive." "Oh." "Um, I'm sorry." "Well, that's okay." "I mean, at least we're all still here, am I right?" "Yeah!" " Hey, can I take those for you?" " Uh, yeah." "Thank you." "I mean..." " Eager little guy." " Yeah." "Isn't this place cool, Dad?" "It's Himalayan." "They're supposed to have the best samosas in LA." "Well, that's a bold statement, Mick." "You know how picky I am about my samosas." "So, uh, Marty, how was the flight?" "Oh, my God." "They sat me next to a lady with one of these therapy dogs." "You heard about this?" "It's just a bullshit excuse for this lady to bring her bichon everywhere." "I know." "Therapy dogs." "It's like, really?" "Right after we take off, we hit a little turbulence." "This dog goes crazy." "Starts barking and whimpering and immediately takes a dump..." " Oh, my God." " on the floor." " No!" " It smells disgusting." "I mean, they clean it up, but for five full hours, I am in dog shit hell." "People start looking at me like it's my dog." " That's awful!" " And I'm saying," ""Hey," you know, "Do I look like I'm a fucking bichon owner to you?"" "No." "You don't." " You really don't..." "Yeah." " Oh, thank you." "Mick, you still got that cat?" "What's his name?" "Grandpa. 'Cause he's the reincarnation of Grandpa, remember?" "Yeah." "This is what makes Mickey Mickey." "Oh, Dad, um, I got a promotion at work." "I'm a program manager now at the radio station." "Really?" "Hey, congratulations!" "Hey, you always were good at hustling up work." " Thanks." " You and me, huh?" "Both hustlers." "See, there's something good you inherited from me." "It's in our blood." "Right." "Yeah." "So, Gus, what's your last name?" " Cruikshank." "Mmm-hmm." " Cruikshank." "What nationality is that?" "Oh, it's, um, Scottish." "German." "Uh, you know, I..." "I gotta say, I figured that you were maybe, uh..." " What?" "Jewish?" " Mmm-hmm." "Ah!" "Yeah, I get that sometimes." "'Cause of the, uh..." "No, no, I was, uh, I was actually raised Catholic." " Well, you had me fooled." " Good." "Gus was raised in South Dakota and he teaches kid actors." "No kidding." "Have you ever heard of the show Witchita?" "Yeah, the witch show, you bet." "Gus worked on that show." " And... he wrote a script for them." " Ah..." " No!" "Hey, well, that's great!" " Yeah." "Great." "Good for you, Micks." "Got yourself a nice, hardworking guy with no tattoos or piercings." "I had a feeling you two would get along." "Better than the last guy." "Remember when he fell asleep at the table?" "Have you decided?" "Well, I've decided that you are a ray of sunshine." "What's your name?" "Pema." "Pema, beautiful Pema, huh?" "How's your day?" " It's good." " Good, good." "Good, all right, well, we are gonna start off with a couple orders of samosas." "And the tandoori shrimp, uh, steamed momo, the lamb tikka masala... and the chicken vindaloo." "Good choices." "Uh, are you sure, Dad?" "That's a lot of food." "I live large." "Don't worry, lunch is on me." "Hey, thank you." "So, uh, what brings you into town?" "Oh, well, Southwest doesn't fly direct to San Francisco from where I live." "But I'm heading up to Palo Alto." "Got a meeting with an investor I think is going to help me out with this new app I've got." "Oh, okay." "What's the... what's the idea?" "It's like Uber, but better." "You know, it's the better Uber." "These things are all about right place, right time." "I mean, I've had guys rip me off, make money off my ideas, but that is not gonna happen this time." "Well, uh, I just wanna say, we're so glad to have you in town and, uh, maybe I'll get to find out a little bit more about what this one was like as a kid, huh?" " You got any, uh, funny stories?" " Oh, my God, where to begin?" " No." "No, no." " Oh, never mind." "Forget it." "Yeah." " She ever tell you about the whip-its?" " Oh!" "Dad, come on." "Seventh grade." "Her mother has to pick her up from school, because she has been busted doing whip-its in the parking lot at 11:00 a.m." "Mickey, you little scamp." "That was a long time ago." "It was hard to punish her, because we've all done whip-its, right?" "All the time." "She ever tell you about the time she got out of the car in the middle of the night?" "Uh, I don't think so, but you don't have to... tell me." "So, I'm driving her home, right?" "It's late." "It's dark." "I'm tired." "She's in the back." "What are you, like, 13?" "No, I was 11." "Either way, she will not stop complaining." "I don't even remember what she was talking about, but she is bitching and moaning and I finally just say," ""Hey, if you don't behave, I'm pulling over."" " Classic dad move." " But when I pull up at the light... this kid gets out." "That's not exactly how I remember it, but..." "I am talking middle of the night, Jersey City." "Homeless people, drunks." "God knows what kind of dangerous people wandering around." "I'm yelling at her, "Hey, get back in here!"" "Of course, she doesn't listen." "So I spent the rest of the night looking for her, thinking she'd been kidnapped or God knows what." "And then I find her... at a Burger King, eating french fries and having a ball." "Wow, that's a crazy story." "This one's always been a little troublemaker." "We tell her to do something, she does the opposite." "But that's what we love about her." "Lord knows she's had to put up with my shit too, so..." "Mmm." "Beautiful Pema, what have you got for us?" " Samosas..." " Mmm-mmm." "That's good." "Oh, yeah!" "Looking good!" "Yeah, I think I'm going to, uh, go wash the airplane off my hands." "I'll be right back." "Fuck him." "I'm so tired of his shit." "He loves telling that stupid fucking story." "I'm sorry." "I feel like I'm the one who told him to tell it, so..." "You want to know why I was so upset that night?" "It's because I missed my best friend's birthday party, because I spent the whole day sitting in the lobby of his office while he pitched some shady business deal." "When he stopped the car, he was yelling at me, so when he told me to get out, I thought he was serious, because I was 11 years old!" "So I got out and then he just drove away." "Oh, and he'll tell you that it was, you know, just around the block." "But he fucking left me there." "And I was just sitting there, by myself, on the corner, in the dark, for what felt like forever." "So I just walked to a Burger King and sat in the corner and cried." "And I have never been so scared in my life." "Mickey, that's awful." "Yep." "Look, I don't know if this will make you feel better, but, you know, lot of times, when we're kids, we feel things, like, a little more severely than what's real." "Are you taking his side?" "No, no." "I'm just saying... stuff like this is always, like, super complicated, you know?" "It's like that thing they say, "It's corny, but it's true."" "It's like our parents know which buttons to push, because they're the ones who installed them." "Dude, you don't have to fix everything." "Okay?" "Jesus!" "Whatever!" "I just..." "All I ever wanted..." "Forget it." "All righty, let me at this food!" "Mmm." "Mmm." "A little bland." "Well, that was excellent." " Yes." " Should I box this up?" "Oh, nah." "Here, uh..." "Here's the card." " Thanks, Dad." " Yeah, thanks, Marty." "Yeah, well, I've had better vindaloo, but I liked it okay." "Do you wanna come back to my place?" "Get settled in?" "Didn't you get my text?" " I don't think so." " No?" "Oh, maybe it didn't go through." "No, uh, my plans changed." "I'm on the 8:00 p.m. to San Francisco tonight." "I figured I'd get up there early, get a good night's sleep before the big meeting." "Oh, okay." "I mean, don't you want to just come see where I live?" "It's the first nice place I've ever lived in." "Oh, sweetheart, I came to see you, not your place." "Do you really want to spend three hours in a car, driving across town?" "I'd rather just, you know, find some place." "We could sit and talk." "I'll see your place next time." "Okay, yeah." "That makes sense." "All right, where to now?" "Yeah, uh, what do you think, Mickey?" "Hey, let's get a drink, huh?" "Celebrate." " Hmm." " Celebrate what?" "Us." "Life." "My new business." "All good things, huh?" "What, do we need a reason to celebrate?" "Yeah, um, maybe we could go to that, uh, donut place that's around here?" "It's pretty awesome." "They got all these crazy flavors, like marshmallow and basil, but... it's not gross like I'm making it sound." "I don't want a donut." "We just ate." "Right, right, right." "Uh..." "What about a museum?" "There's an exhibit around here that's about medieval torture devices." " Could be really fun, I think?" " Yeah." "Yeah, come on, you need a drink." " Over here." " Okay." "Hello." "Uh, you guys grab a table." "I'll get some drinks, okay?" " Okay." " This place reeks." " What's your name?" " Carol." " Carol, huh?" "Beautiful Carol." " Yes." " Ah..." " Marty Dobbs." "How are you?" " Marty Dobbs, how are you?" " What are you drinking?" "I hate this." "I hate everything about this." "What..." "What am I doing in a bar?" "Yeah." "Are you okay?" "You, um..." "You tempted or..." "No." "I don't..." "I don't know!" "Well, here's to you, Jersey girl!" "I don't wanna watch him drink during the day." "He's an alcoholic." "You think so?" "He got a DUI when I was in high school and had his license suspended." "He had to go to court-mandated AA." "You know what, let's get out of here." "Tell him we wanna go." "No, let's just stay." "It's not worth it to piss off Marty Dobbs." "Whatever you need, I'm here for you, okay?" "Seriously." "Can you believe this?" "You see that lady over there?" "Her name's Carol." "She grew up two towns away from me and here we are, meeting in a bar in LA." "What are the chances of that?" " Serendipity." " All righty." "Gussy, grab your glass!" "Mickle the pickle." "And one for the pops." "Here's to my beautiful daughter and to Gus." "Love you, Mick." "Hey, come on, it's bad luck not to cheers." "Come on." "Hey!" "All right." "I don't really feel like a beer, so I'm gonna go smoke." "I could never figure out that kid's moods." "God bless you, if you can." "Uh, I just try to listen." "You should ask her how she's doing." "I think, uh, it might turn things around a bit." "I don't get it." "I mean, I come here, and she gets all quiet." "Won't even have a beer with her dad." "Hmm, well, I wouldn't take it too personally." "I think she's, um..." "She wants to, but..." "What?" "Well... she's sober." "Sober?" "Yeah, like, um, you know, in the... in the program." " AA, huh?" " Yeah." "Again." "Well, good luck with that, Micks." "I think it's really good for her." " Sweetheart, can I bum a smoke?" " Sure." "Here you go." " Best happy hour in the city, this place." " That's awesome." "Three-dollar well drinks." "Only problem is it doesn't start for two more hours." "Carol got here too early." " I'm Carol." " Oh." "You got yourself a good daddy." "Oh, yeah, he's a real great guy." "He sure is." "He came all the way out here to see you." "Lucky girl." "Carol, your, uh, nipple's out." "Oh, whoopsies!" "Whoops." "Hey, you know, Gus, I think I saw a jukebox over there." "Why don't you go pick us out some tunes, huh?" "Oh, I don't want to waste your money, Marty." "Who knows how long it'll take to play the song?" "I'm not nervous." "Go for it, bud." "Uh... okay." "Cool." "Be right back." "So, Mick?" "Gus told me something interesting." "Oh, what's that?" "He says you're in AA." "He told you that?" "Why would you do that to yourself again?" "Because I have a problem." "AA is just a load of bullshit." "You know how I feel about this." "That is for people that cannot think for themselves." "AA was started by a bunch of evangelicals who were fuck-ups." "But they want to make us feel like we got the problem." "I don't have a problem." "You don't have a problem." "They just want to make you think you do." "I am an alcoholic, Dad." "I need help." "AA is helping me." "Hmm." "Yeah." "All right, let me guess." "You go to the meetings and you complain about your dad?" "Is that it, huh?" "It's all my fault?" "Jesus, Mickey." "I raised you to use your brain." "Not join a cult!" "Hey, Marty, I just want to say... you have an amazing daughter." "And you should be so proud of her." "Mmm." "Thank you for saying that, Gus." "That means a lot, coming from a guy" "I hadn't even heard about until an hour ago." "Okay." "All right." "Let's just take a breath here." "Gus, just stay out of it, okay?" "Jesus." "AA." "Oh, my God." "Fuck." "So tell me about your app, Dad." "Well... it's called the R Car." "It's a high-end car service that comes and picks you up." "So, it's exactly like Uber?" "No." "No, because you can reserve your car in advance." "That's what the R stands for." "You can't do that with Uber." "Well, there are Ubers around all the time, so you don't need to reserve them." "What about after a sporting event?" "Huh?" "What about at the airport?" "I've never had to wait for more than four minutes for an Uber." "We also have great cars." "They got bottles of water and mints and iPhone jacks." "You can charge your phone, play your music." "Yeah, Uber's got all of that." "And... and you can pick the kind of car you want to get." "Oh, that's cool." "So, could I get, like, a Ferrari?" "Well, maybe not a Ferrari." "But, uh..." "So it's exactly like Uber." "Uh, you know what, I..." " I should probably get going." "Yeah." " Mmm." "I gotta get back to the airport, get checked in." "I might as well get there early." "Get situated." "Ah, but your flight's not for another few hours." "Oh, no, no, no." "You should go now." "Get situated." "Uh, do you want a ride?" " No, I'm fine." " We should call you a taxi, 'cause you probably wouldn't want to take an Uber, huh?" "That's a good one." "Yeah." "I got to go square up." "How's Uncle Tim?" "Still a fuck-up." "Here we go." "Okay." "Marty, let me give you these." " All right." " Okay." "Good luck up there!" " Thanks." " Okay." "All right." "Bye, Micks." "Don't be a stranger." "Love you." "I love you, too." "All right." "Why would you tell my dad that I'm sober?" "Do you know how fucked up that is, to break somebody's anonymity?" " To their dad?" " Okay." "I was trying to help." "I didn't want your help." "Your help is not helping." "I just wanted you to be a buffer between us." "That's what I thought I was doing." "I wanted him to see I was grown up and I had my shit together and maybe, maybe he would just treat me differently." "And we could have a decent day for once." "But it was the same thing." "It's always gonna be the same." "You don't know that." "Things change." "People change." "I almost got through one day with him without a fight." "But then you had to go and fucking tell him about AA and he got all pissed off." "That is so fucked up, Gus!" "I can't even be in a car with you right now." "Oh, my God..." "Mickey, come on!" "Jesus Christ." "Fuck." "Mickey, wait!" "Come on!" "Come on, just wait." "Hold on." "Oh, God." "Just..." "Do you really fucking need people to like you that badly?" "I'm the one who should matter to you." "Not him." ""Oh, Marty, you're so funny."" "You should have stood up for me." "I tried, but you told me to, like..." " Oh, Jesus." "Just stop it!" " It's very confusing for me." "You want me... your dad to like me." "Am I supposed to have him hate me?" "Do I..." "What?" "Shut the fuck up!" "I'm sorry." "Okay?" "I know I messed up, and..." "I'm truly sorry." "I'm sorry too." "I'm..." "It's really not you." "It's him." "He was shitty to you." "It's okay to be upset." "I'll give you a ride home so you can get a break from me." "I don't want a break from you." "Okay?" "Oh, oh, oh!" "Oh, my God, that could be my dad's plane." "Fuck you!" "Yeah." "Fuck you, Marty!" "Sync and corrections by explosiveskull"