"and Marshall and Lily were the first to visit the happy new parents." "have you guys landed on a name yet?" "I like "Tiffany." "And I don't want my daughter to have a whore's name." " That's my mother's name." " I know." "I got it." "How'bout we name the baby after you... "Frigid Shrew." "That's good." "Let's call her "Vodka." "Then at least we know you'd hold her tight and never let her go!" "Don't knock the vodka." "Wouldn't have a kid without it." "you are so... how hard can it be to name a baby?" "just look at her." "She's clearly a..." " Lisa." " Emily." " Emily?" "!" " Lisa?" "!" "Team Who's this fucking mother?" "MiniBen314" "TTT" "Titou" "210)}I made a list of awesome baby names." "210)}Starting at the top: number one..." "Marshall. 230)}and he's the one getting stuffed in the basketball hoop." ""Shaquille"... 210)}and "Dikembe." "190)}What about "Rob"?" "190)}"Rob"?" "Why not?" "Rob." "What are you gonna make?" "A turkey?" "honka!" "210)}Not "Rob." "210)}How about "Ryan"?" "Not "Ryan." "Johnny?" "where's the goldfish?" "210)}Not "Johnny." "210)}Or "Gil." "210)}"Jeremy." "210)}Definitely not "Jeremy." "210)}His stuff was so derivative." "Lily." "right?" "Why?" "What?" "210)}Becky." "My new co-anchor?" "Don't you guys ever watch the show?" "}I really try." " Our DVR won't recognize it 210)}as a television program." "210)}I watched. 210)}so last night I checked it out." "Peace talks in the region have been described as "productive." "Becky? a taco cart owner was robbed at gunpoint." "That's so sad." "we're journalists." "we..." "They stole all his money and then pelted him with his own taco meat!" "Who would do that?" "we might find out." "about the horse?" "I love horseys." "The horse died." "Guys!" "This news is all really sad." "no holds barred... 210)}What'd you think of Becky?" "too?" "Can somebody please explain to me why the little girl act works on men?" "{\You want the l}Long {\version }or {\the }short version?" "Short version." "Short version." "Who's your daddy? that phrase is really creepy." "it's not." "It's fun." "watch this." "Who's your daddy? she is now your daughter." "she is not my daughter." "I'm just... her daddy." " That is disgusting." " Exactly." "And it's not like going around" " talking like a little boy." " Challenge accepted. will pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy." "Here's my list of baby names." "What about "Tara"?" "Not "Tara." Tara was the hottest girl in my high school." "obsessed with her." "Wedidn'tjusttalkabouther and fantasize about her..." "We wrote songs about her." "Tara" "Your booty is so smooth" "And I hope this isn't rude" "But I want to get up on it." "Not "Tara." "What about "Esther"?" "give it up for Esther!" "but it's 10:30 in the morning." "I don't need to see a lady get naked and dance." "Esther gets naked." "But she doesn't dance." "Then what does she do?" "Sweet mother nature!" "That was my card!" "gentlemen." "Give it up for Esther!" "Not "Esther." "I need a drink." "Ted?" "Ted?" "Your list is entirely boy names." "right?" "I've never thought about having a girl." "I don't wannna think about having a girl." "Esther... can you imagine being one of those girls' dads?" "Marshall's daughter" "Your booty" "Your booty's so smooth." "give it up for Marshall's daughter." "He screwed up my childhood." "That's why I do this." "I have no idea how to raise a daughter!" "what if she winds up dating some..." "I want you to meet my new boyfriend." "bro." "Thanks for making such a hottie." "Who's your daddy?" "'cause of all the sex we have." "I don't want a girl." "I just want a little boy." "folks." "Dad." "Is that you?" "you}'re a little too close to the camera." "Can you back up a bit?" "How's this?" "Every time." "Can you just sit in front of the computer like normal human beings?" "Perfect!" "Perfect." "shooter?" "I'm getting a{\ little} freaked out about the idea of having a daughter." "{\I know y}You two probably aren't the right people to talk to about this." "You had all boys." "that was just dumb luck." "would you get me a brewski from out of the shed?" "Marshall?" "Mom." "all boys." "Total co-winky-dink." "It was no co-winky-dink." "the Eriksen men have passed down ancient secrets for conceiving boys." "avoid lemons." "They're baby girl fertilizer." "but I doubt there's any scientific data to support..." ""I doubt there's any scientific data to support..."" "I had all sons." "Your grandfather had all sons." "Your great-grandfather had all sons." "Scoreboard!" "Who you gonna listen to?" "Me?" "Or "scientific data"?" "Members of the G-8 convened today in Vienna to discuss plans to fight climate change by re..." "What?" "Ask me what I did yesterday." "okay?" "Nobody cares what you did yesterday." "Robin." "sweetheart?" "I'm new in town and don't know many people. who took me on a tour of the city." "New York is kind of cool." "back to the G-8 conference." "Hello?" "can I get in the shot?" "Fantastic. - right underneath his apartment." " Wait..." "Did you go out with Ted Mosby?" "I went out with Robin's roommate." "I saw her bedroom." "She's a messy Bessie. a Manhattan architect gets punched in the throat. you had to go out with an eight-year-old girl?" "folks}." "You know that I hate her." "How could you go out{\ on a date} with this girl?" "It wasn't a date." "She came over to the apartment looking for you." "I made Robin my famous chocolate chip cookies." "I used gummie bears." "A spider! strong man." "I don't know if that's totally true." "{\ little} darlin'." "Poor spider. so trees can grow." "Then I held her tight and told her it was all gonna be okay." "I think I only wounded the spider." "It crawled off into my bedroom." "Is that why you slept on the couch last night?" "I slept." "I'm dying out here." "Talking like a little boy is not working with the ladies." "lady." "You got some tig ol'bitties!" "Gosh!" "Your body's a perfect... this many." "Do you want to wrestle with our special bathing suit places?" "Come on!" "baby." "but I'd rather you took your time." "I'll be right back. you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden." "eat pickled herring." "Eat it!" "This is ridiculous. give it up for Marshall's daughter!" "Who's your granddaddy?" "That guy." "Want to have a three-way with me and my imaginary friend?" "His name's Otis." "Want to come to my house and play telephone?" "you got the cans." "I wet myself!" "Will you change me?" "Can't blame her on that one." "Guys..." "I have some terrible news. can't pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy." "Challenge forfeited." "I'm sorry." "what's with that shirt?" "Nobody could pick up a chick wearing that thing." "Challenge accept..." "I'm glad that's over." "It was creepy watching Barney talk like a little kid." "But you find it irresistible when Becky does?" "I don't get it." "The Ted that I went out with was attracted to the kind of woman who could use a steak knife without supervision." "she likes "spasghetti"." "Spaghetti." "she makes me feel needed." "Needed?" "She makes training wheels feel needed." "It's nice to feel needed." "And you know what?" "It's not a feeling guys get when they're with you." "Son..." "Viking lore tells us that to ensure the continuation of your noble male lineage... get a big{\ old} bowl of ice and dunk your man sack right in there!" "You two and your football." "point Lily due north and make me a grandson!" "I didn't make you feel needed?" "Come on!" "You always took charge of everything." "I got this." " This okay?" "Am I hurting y..." " I got this." "Someone's trying to break in." "Call the cops." "I got this." "Did that{\ really} bother you?" "Yeah." "It's nice to be needed." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to upset you." "It's Becky." "She's trapped in a revolving door." "I got this." "Let's make a baby!" "and your breath smells like a {\*mermaid }fart." "but }You know what's {\*even }hotter?" "If we face this way." "we're bad." "why are you facing me north?" "You're trying to make us have a boy." "I can ex..." "How do you know{\*about the north thing}?" "{\*And }What are you doing with {\*those }lemons?" "Baby girl fertilizer!" "You're trying to {\*make us }have a girl!" "You are trying to {\*make us }have a girl." "All my least favorite students have been boys. }I found this conception website that said you should... point south at the moment of conception... eat a lemon... and heat up your lady parts to a balmy 105 degrees." "That's not bad." "}How could you do... exactly the same thing I did?" "You're supposed to be the sane one." "See that?" "Another boy expecting a woman to clean up his mistakes." "That's why girls are{\* way} better than boys." "then how come whenever there's a }Why creepy kids in a horror movie {\*it's}are always little girls?" "who speak..." "in unison." "}What about Chucky?" "}A) He was a doll;" "B) He was possessed by an adult serial killer;" "and C) How could you bring up Chucky right before bed? did I make you feel needed?" "I didn't feel like you needed me at all." "That's what I thought." "I'm sorry." "}Wwhere are you..." "That's a compliment." "that's awesome." "}No guy's gonna say "Who's your daddy?" to {\*Robin Scherbatsky}you." "You're your own daddy." "And mommy." "And weird survivalist uncle who lives in a cabin with a {\*shot}gun blaming{\* stuff on} the government." "{\*And }That is what makes you the most... strong... independent woman I've ever banged. and I don't really know how to say it so... here goes." "Who's the crazy chick in the apron?" "Someone naughty left his toys on the floor and needs to be spanked on his tushy-tush." "}I'm in "twubble." "You did it?" "How? I just let myself go." "That looks so good." "Can I have some?" "you can't have any." "Someone needs to teach you how to share." "Who's your mommy?" "Challenge completed!" "}Can you get {\*this freak }her out{\*of here}?" "I'm {\*really }scared." "I got this." "}So you finally agreed on a name?" "The other night she ran a really high fever." "but they wouldn't admit her without a name. we realized how stupid we were being." "We looked at each other" "} we just knew." "Our baby's name is..." "Esther." "{\*That's }Beautiful." "We're idiots." "it's like... it's some way of giving ourselves the illusion that we have any control{\* whatsoever}." "12-pound..." "Ten-pound? }you're writing checks my vagina can't cash." "I love you." "And I'm gonna love the crap out of whatever baby we have." "too." "You know what?" "We should just think of a name that's good for either a girl or a boy." "um}..." "Jamie." "We just named our baby." "Not Jamie." "Shoe's untied." "I got it." "}This is over."