"( footsteps approaching )" "Hi, I'm Michael." "Paul." "I hear you're having some trouble." "It's okay." "It's okay." "I just... don't understand... why God made me like this." "He didn't." "Trust me." "Let me tell you something." "You should never define yourself by your choices or your desires." "Gay doesn't exist." "It's a false identity." "This isn't my choice." "Why would I choose this?" "You always have a choice." "You wanna go to Heaven, right?" "Yes." "If you're a moral person, then you'll choose heterosexuality in order to be with God." "♪♪" "( street car bell rings )" "( alarm beeping )" "( grunts )" "( sighs )" "( alarm stops )" "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "Where you going?" "I'm gonna make us breakfast." "No." "Yeah, come on." "Breakfast is the most important part of the day." "I'll have muffins at my meeting." "Muffins?" "Yeah, muffins." "Blueberry." "Mmm, blueberry." "Okay, then we'll do lunch, okay?" "Mmm, morning breath." "( exhales ) Oh, stop it!" "Get off!" "( laughs )" "♪♪" "( all cheering )" "It's so cool that you work at XY." "Yeah." "Yeah, it's rad." "You guys are like the only cool gay magazine out there right now." "Oh, yeah, sort of." "MAN:" "Hey, listen up, queens." "XY magazine's taking over!" "It's our time to shine!" "( all cheering )" "♪♪" "WOMAN:" "Matthew Shepard was an openly gay man." "When he went to a Laramie, Wyoming bar last week, these two suspects lured him outside, pretending to be gay." "Now they're charged with a vicious attack that left Shepard hanging on this fence for 18 hours in freezing temperatures." "Shepard remained on life support until this morning when he passed away." "Shepard's family is grateful for support from around the world." "They killed him because they were afraid, and they were afraid because of what their churches tell them and because of what they see in movies." "It's fucking ridiculous." "I hope they get the death penalty." "You're against the death penalty." "Not in this case." "That's like being for free speech until someone tells you something that pisses you off." "He died a slow death after being tied to a fence and tortured." "Exactly, a slow death is way more painful." "They should spend the rest of their lives in prison." "Okay, look, we need to move away from labels because they segment and they lead to persecution." "People don't wanna be perceived as gay because... they're afraid they'll end up like Matthew." "But we are a gay magazine." "Identifying as gay is being part of a community." "It's recognition, it's progress..." "We've been telling the kids in the magazine to come out, to be proud to be gay." "They should be proud to be themselves." "Gay and straight are just social constructs." "Ugh." "God, you and your queer theory." "Class is in session with Professor Michael Glatze." "Shut up." "Okay, okay, look." "We need to put out the message that being attracted to the same sex doesn't define who you are." "♪♪" "Hey." "( music stops )" "Have you been smoking?" "Just one." "Small one." "It was a small cigarette." "( chuckles ) Busted." "Letters to the editor." "Ninety percent are some poor teen with religious parents." "Fucking Christian Fundamentalists should burn in hell." "Uh, okay." "In the meantime, there is a design competition for the Halifax International Airport." "I don't wanna move to Halifax." "I know, but my father wants me to head up the bid committee." "It's huge." "Halifax is so boring." "Your hometown is boring." "It's not." "Olympia?" "Yeah." "It's all trees and fog and coffee." "And the birthplace of the Riot Grrrl movement and where Kurt Cobain wrote most of Nevermind." "( chuckles ) Oh, well..." "Yeah." "In that case..." "But it's unsustainable here, unless you're in the dot-com movement, and I don't wanna live in a studio on Mission Street when we're 50." "Well, we won't be." "We'll be in a big mansion on a hill." "Duh." "♪♪" "MICHAEL:" "May 21st, 2000." "I used to imagine myself growing old while living in a house atop a hill in the Castro, but what's more important to me is growing old with the love of my life," "Bennett." "So I'm leaving San Francisco to live in Halifax, Canada." "Although I'm sad to leave XY magazine," "I'm excited to finally accept the speaking offers" "I've been receiving this past year, thanks to my work as a writer and activist." "What a lot of people aren't aware of is that the terms "heterosexual" and "homosexual"" "were only introduced about a hundred years ago." "As my mother used to always say," ""When you help others, you're helping yourself as well."" "We often read about more sexually..." "My goal is to thread a needle through the fabric of this country and stitch together the lives of gay kids everywhere." "I know a lot of you are balancing religion and sexuality, but I mean, come on, what God would punish you for finding love?" "( birds chirping )" "( woodpecker pecking )" "This is where I spread my Mom's ashes." "Oh, my God." "She's still here." "( sighs )" "♪♪" "Mom, I'm gonna stay here with you." "No." "Don't be stubborn." "You are not skipping a semester to be with me." "I can help you through this." "I'm gonna be fine." "I told you." "I feel better." "Really, Michael." "I am so proud of you." "I love you so much." "Hmm." "I love you." "I should've stayed." "( sighs )" "Everyone kept saying," ""Don't worry, we're praying for her, don't worry."" "Everyone's gonna die." "No amount of praying is ever gonna change that." "♪♪" "( alarm beeping )" "You're not getting up yet." "Five minutes more." "I can't believe I'm approaching my one-year anniversary here in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada." "The food is amazing, especially the sushi." "The people are friendly and although the gay community is much smaller than San Francisco," "I have some big plans to really make an impact." "What's wrong with you?" "Nothing." "( sighs )" "Look, I have to find something else to do." "I'm just not cut out for administrative work." "Give it some time?" "I have things I wanna do." "I want my own magazine." "I want something bigger." "I want..." "I want to influence people." "I can't do that here." "You're being such a shit." "We made the decision to leave San Francisco together." "No, we didn't." "I mean, you had to take this job." "Just like you had to take the job that took us to San Francisco." "Which is how you got your job at XY, so you should be thanking me." "Is this..." "This is supposed to be Mexican food?" "Why don't you go to the store and make your own food?" "Maybe I will." "You'll have to ask me for money, though, 'cause you don't have any, remember?" "♪♪" "Thanks." "Hey." "Hey." "You're Mike, right?" "Uh, yeah." "The XY Survivor Guide really helped me out." "Are you stalking me or something?" "( laughs )" "Tyler." "Hi." "Hi." "I just..." "I wanted you to know" "I agree with everything that you say about gay identity and sexuality." "I don't wanna be put into a box just because I'm gay." "You don't wanna be in a box?" "No, I don't wanna be in a box." "( both laugh )" "You're so fucking cute." "Can I buy you a drink?" "Don't you have a boyfriend?" "( inhales) Hmm..." "He'll think you're cute, too." "♪♪" "( humming )" "TYLER:" "It's a galaxy." "Uh, actually it's a spiral." "It's the only symbol that means anything." "It's infinite, no beginning, no end." "There's a beginning and there's an end." "All right, well, there's a more complicated one that has no beginning and no end, but I can't do it on my pancakes, okay?" "( all chuckle )" "How did you guys meet?" "How did we meet?" "Uh, San Francisco." "We volunteered at this AIDS prevention organization." "And we both got arrested protesting this Christian Coalition event." "Which is how I knew it was true love." "( chuckles ) Awesome." "How about you?" "What's your deal?" "Who are you?" "Uh..." "I'm a physics student." "Really?" "Yeah." "Physics." "Science." "Yeah." "I wanna be an astronaut, but that's probably a long shot." "Oh, God." "I'd be terrified to go into space." "It's just, to me," "Earth is just this, like, tiny speck in the universe." "And humans have only been around for just a speck of that timeline." "So it's just..." "There has to be more to life than just this, don't you think?" "Totally." "Totally." "BENNETT:" "So Tyler was really cute, huh?" "Interesting." "Mm-hmm." "It is interesting, isn't it?" "Very interesting." "You know why?" "( chuckles )" "Because I love you so much." "( chuckles )" "And I really feel like we're at a place in our relationship where there's more than enough love to go around." "( chuckles )" "And I know that I'm not afraid of that and I don't think that you are either." "Mm-mm." "Maybe I am afraid." "Well, you shouldn't be afraid because I'm here to protect you." "Why?" "( chuckles )" "Carrot thief." "MICHAEL:" "Here's our very uncool soccer mom van." "Whoo!" "( chuckles )" "Who are these guys?" "( chuckles )" "July 23rd, 2002." "Road trip." "Road trip." "I'm driving across America with Bennett and Tyler for an exciting new project I'm working on." "I guess both beds are taken." "I don't know where you're gonna sleep." "BOTH:" "Eenie, meenie, miney, moe." "( laughs )" "This is the most fun I've ever had in my whole life." "Really?" "No." "♪♪" "We are making a documentary about queer youth in America, because discrimination against LGBT youth must be eliminated." "I just wish people could see that these kids have faces, names, and voices that need to be heard." "BOY:" "Growing up in the church and realizing that you're gay is very difficult." "You know, your family has never talked about it." "I mean, I'm 13 and it's the first time I've heard the word." "And when I heard the word and knew what it was, then it was like, "Hey, I know that." "I understand that." "That's me."" "GIRL:" "My mom, she's trying." "She's like really in the closet about it." "She won't mention it to anybody or anything like that." "Like, she tries to still act like I'm straight and expects me to act like I'm straight along with her when I'm not like that." "BOY:" "And this was probably more overwhelming when I tried to kill myself, uh..." "But I felt so invisible to everyone around me who was straight." "There are times when I realize that I'm just as much a creation of God as everyone else." "Olympia, Washington." "This is kind of somber." "But even though I grew up here, because both my parents don't live anymore, it feels like this place is a part of a past that doesn't exist anymore." "And I wasn't gay here." "I mean, you couldn't be." "There was this kid that everyone just thought was gay and he had to leave school 'cause he got picked on so much." "♪♪" "MICHAEL:" "What's it like here?" "Liberty is Falwell territory." "So as you can imagine, it's not very gay-friendly." "So why do you stay?" "Uh..." "Well, I..." "I don't know." "I, um..." "I didn't come out to friends and family until last year." "And I have another year before I graduate." "I'm a Christian." "So..." "Which a lot of people think is impossible, but I think that's just as ridiculous as the anti-gay right, so... ( girl crying )" "Just a second." "Hey, Sof." "GIRL:" "Do you want us to call them for you?" "( girl crying )" "We're just gonna..." "We're gonna wait with you until he comes, okay?" "Her mother just passed." "Do you mind not filming us?" "GIRL:" "So awful." "BOY:" "Here, let's pray." "Let's pray for her, okay?" "All right, turn it off." "BOY:" "We just wanna ask, Father, that you would just give her the strength to get through this incredibly difficult time and we pray that you would just fill us all with the compassion to know what she must be going through" "because it would be impossible for us to fully comprehend." "Just show her yourself, Father, during this time and look to you right now, Father... ♪♪" "Hey." "Babe." "We gotta go." "We gotta be there at 9:30." "You ready?" "Yeah." "All right." "See you in the car." "I didn't come out to friends and family until last year." "I'm a Christian." "So..." "Which a lot of people think is impossible, but I think that's just as ridiculous as the anti-gay right, so..." "When I was young, I didn't know that there were people like me." "I felt lost, alone, and confused." "I never even told my mother, my best friend, that I was gay because I was afraid she wouldn't accept me." "That's why we're on this journey." "To let gay kids know that they are not alone." "And you know what?" "I learned a lot as well." "Because we met so many amazing people who've heard their parents or pastors tell them they're wrong and yet they've come to the realization that they're beautiful, blessed, and that God loves them just as they are." "I mean, people who believe that homosexuality is wrong are gonna change their minds thanks to this next generation." "♪♪" "( church bell rings )" "♪♪" "( indistinct chatter )" "The sky is fucking beautiful." "( laughs )" "BENNETT:" "What is this, babe?" "Hmm?" "Oh, it's stupid." "Just somebody gave it to me on the street." ""Where Will We Go When We Die?"" "Baby. ( Laughs )" "You guys, where will we go when we die?" "In 2012, the world is supposed to end." "Is that a real thing?" "I hope not." "BOY:" "Everyone knows this." "It's what they drew on the Mayan calendar." "You know, the Mayan calendar thing." "That's what they drew." "It was the moon and the sun." "( chatter continues )" "♪♪" "♪♪" "What?" "I'm curious." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "We wanna know." "Please." "We wanna know." "Please." "MAN:" "I don't think they wanna know." "♪♪" "BENNETT:" "Mike." "You guys go on." "I'll meet you at home." "You okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Where are you going?" "Michael?" "What's that about?" "I have absolutely no earthly idea." "( water running )" "( sighs )" "( sighs )" "( sighs )" "( crying )" "Baby." "I was worried about you today." "What's going on?" "( sighs )" "It's stupid." "Baby, nothing's stupid." "Tell me what." "Do you think when we die, we just disappear like we never existed?" "No, I don't think that." "Because I know that we'll always be together." "Baby." "( crying )" "Baby." "Baby, you're okay." "I'm here." "♪♪" "( all cheering )" "Let's pray for her." "Let's pray." "( gasping )" "Bennett!" "Bennett!" "( gasping )" "I'm really lightheaded." "It's okay." "It's okay." "We're almost there." "We're almost there." "Okay." "Your heartrate seems to have returned back to normal." "Can you check again?" "Just because your father had HCM does not mean that you have it." "We followed our chest pain protocol and there's nothing abnormal." "You had a panic attack." "Okay?" "Where's Bennett?" "He's in the lobby." "As soon as you're checked out, you can see him." "All right?" "Thank you." "♪♪" "I was 13 years old, walking along the beach with my father, when he suddenly collapsed and died from an unexpected heart condition." "If I've inherited his disease, the same thing could happen to me." "BENNETT:" "What's wrong, baby?" "It's happening again." "I can feel it." "The tests confirmed that..." "They don't know." "They don't care." "( gasping )" "Now I'm having heart palpitations all the time." "And contrary to what the doctors keep saying," "I just know they aren't panic attacks." "After months of fighting with my insurance," "I was finally allowed to see a specialist who could definitively test whether or not" "I inherited my father's condition." "Now I have to wait for the results." "BENNETT:" "Michael, just calm down." "MICHAEL:" "Calm down!" "Do you know what this disease means?" "It means I could die any minute, just drop dead!" "You calm down!" "( water running )" "♪♪" "( panting )" "( gasping )" "( water running )" "( panting )" "( birds chirping )" "( phone chiming )" "Dr. Williams?" "Hi." "♪♪" "( panting )" "Thank you, God." "Thank you, God." "The test confirmed that I did not inherit my father's heart condition." "Although it's a massive sigh of relief," "I keep thinking to myself... if I was really just having panic attacks, then what's wrong with me?" "What am I afraid of?" "All I know is that when faced with your own death, it reminds you of what's important in life." "And for me, that's helping other people." "Okay." "So I've decided to start my own magazine." "I'm calling it YGA." "Young Gay Americans." "It's gonna be the biggest and most sophisticated magazine aimed at improving the lives of LGBT youth." "( indistinct chatter )" "♪♪" "( sighs )" "Hmm." "( footsteps approaching )" "What is this?" "( chuckles ) What is this?" "Oh, my God!" "Hi!" "You didn't." "I know you wanted one, baby." "Oh, my God!" "( chuckles )" "Ooh." "What are we gonna call you?" "( chuckles )" "What are we gonna call you?" "( both laughing )" "BENNETT:" "Olly." "Olly, heel." "MICHAEL:" "I've been thinking about the next issue of YGA." "I think we need to address this whole Christianity thing." "BENNETT:" "What do you mean?" "Well, people think that gays and Christians are enemies." "We've met so many people who've managed to balance their faith and their sexuality." "But we've also met so many people whose parents and churches tell them they're gonna burn in hell." "Yeah, which is why we should address it in the magazine." "I mean, the whole "you're gay, you're going to hell" myth was started by mistranslations and misinterpretations of the Bible." "I mean, God doesn't care what your sexual orientation is." "And the one thing that the gay movement doesn't understand that I think Christianity does is that not everyone wants to be a part of the subculture." "I'm sorry, what did you do with my boyfriend?" "Shut up." "I'm not gonna write like..." "Gospel according to Michael or something. ( Chuckles )" "♪♪" "It might seem strange for a gay youth magazine to dedicate an entire issue to religion, but it's too important to ignore." "When my parents died, I blamed God." "When I came out," "I distanced myself even further from religion." "You see, I thought I was too smart to believe in God, that he was only for the needy." "But after a recent health scare," "I felt this nudging in the back of my mind," "The presence of God." "And you know what?" "I was no longer afraid." "Aah!" "Some religious figures spout hateful rhetoric and try to force a monopoly on the truth." "But the only truth is love." "The only sin is denying love." "Stop hating." "Start loving." "You gonna join us?" "Uh, yeah, just one second." "What?" "Uh, you're really combing through that thing, aren't you?" "Look, my whole life, I thought the Bible was full of hate... and it's not." "There's a lot of love in here." "So your interest in the Bible is more than just research?" "Well, there's a lot of Christian roots in my family, my mom, my aunt and..." "Just curious." "Your aunts disowned you when you came out." "That's not family." "I'm all for curiosity but..." "I-I just feel like something saved me, shook me and woke me up." "And that someone is God?" "Mike, he didn't save you because you were never dying." "Okay." ""Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."" ""Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."" ""Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."" "Don't see many people flaunting that out in the open." "Oh." "I've seen you reading out here before and I thought maybe you'd wanna come to my church." "Any Sunday, just to check it out." "See what the Mormon religion has to offer." "The gospel teaches us that we are the spirit children of heavenly parents." "Now, many people ask, are we like other Christians?" "Why of course we are." "We believe in Jesus Christ and we believe in life after death." "And everyone is welcome at the LDS Church." "Christ's atonement allows mankind to be saved from their sins... and to return to live with God and their loved ones in Heaven." "Did you grow up with any kind of faith?" "Not really." "My mother was Christian, but she didn't really take me or my sister to church, and my father was a Berkeley hippie, kind of agnostic or even atheist." "They were very good people and I know I'll see them again in Heaven." "My mom passed away as well." "So I know how hard that is." "I was so afraid and angry, you know?" "Yeah, me, too." "It's really hard to deal with death when you don't know where you're going." "But once you do, then you have peace and you realize that God's not to blame." "Right." "Yeah." "GIRL:" "Catherine." "( chuckles )" "It was nice to meet you." "You, too." "She's single, FYI." "FYI?" "What, you think she likes me?" "Yeah." "Yeah, it seemed like it." "But I mean, don't worry." "There's plenty of single ladies looking for a husband." "I wasn't even thinking about that kind of thing." "Oh, well, maybe it's something you should start thinking about." "I can get you in touch with her if you want." "Oh, um..." "If you're interested." "Sure." "I don't know." "Yeah?" "Okay." "Whatever." "Yeah, okay." "All right." "Okay, thanks." "Embarrassing me a little bit. ( Laughs )" "♪♪" "♪♪" "MAN:" "Welcome back to New Beginnings and thank you for listening to our continued conversation about the truth path to Heaven." "Doctor, how would you respond to other Christians who disagree with your angle?" "DOCTOR:" "Look, all I'm trying to do is help people." "It just pains me so much when I hear so-called Christians side with the left on issues such as homosexuality." "Now, I'm not condoning hate." "In fact, this is about love." "Choosing a gay identity will condemn you to an eternity of suffering." "And I wanna save people from that." "Whether it's abortion or adultery or accepting religions other than Christianity, you must obey God's law or you will not be allowed into his kingdom." "( indistinct chatter )" "I'm not saying that." "I'm not saying that it's wrong." "I'm just saying that over the course of thousands of years, people with an agenda have made Christianity what it is today." "Yeah, but the original message is still the same, it's about love." "You know, I would've never pegged you as a Buddhist." "Why?" "What, 'cause I don't look a certain way?" "No, I..." "I don't know why I just said that." "I'm just kidding you." "Meditation." "People get weird in their head about meditation." "They think it's weird or hippie." "I think it's about developing mindfulness." "You know, it's about living moment to moment." "And in a deeper level, it's about knowing yourself." "That's why I started volunteering at the Buddhist center." "They have classes on Friday." "You should come." "Oh, I have to go out of town for this speaking thing." "What kind of speaking thing?" "It's about gay youth in America." "No way." "That's awesome." "( dings )" "♪♪" "WOMAN:" "Welcome to our very first panel on being young and gay in America." "Joining us is Judy Shepard, president of the Matthew Shepard Foundation, dedicated to working towards causes championed by her son Matthew during his life." "Thank you for joining us." "( applause )" "Michael Glatze, former editor of XY magazine, recipient of Equality Forum's National Role Model Award as well as Lambda's Literary Award for XY's Survival Guide, participant in the award-winning documentary" "Jim in Bold, and co-founder of Young Gay Americans, which is now a full-fledged magazine." "( applause )" "WOMAN:" "What does being gay mean to you?" "Gay doesn't mean the same thing that it meant 20 years ago." "And it's more important now than ever to make allies and make alliances both inside and outside the gay community." "( tape rewinding )" "Gay doesn't mean the same thing that it meant 20 years ago." "It's not about... ( tape rewinding )" "♪♪" "( alarm beeping )" "( alarm stops )" "Hey." "No." "I have to walk the dog." "♪♪" "( footsteps approaching )" "Hey." "What are you doing?" "I need some space." "Mike..." "Look, I just..." "I need some time to figure this out, to see where this is taking me." "Why can't you come to me for help?" "We have to talk about this before..." "Look, I just..." "I need to get away from this life." "Our life?" "Yes." "And what exactly is it about our life that you need to get away from, being gay?" "I don't know." "I don't know!" "Okay, uh, are you attracted to women?" "Because if that's the case, then fine, go explore." "I just wanna be with my parents in Heaven." "Is that so hard to understand?" "Can you even hear yourself right now?" "What happened to the misinterpretation of the Bible?" "It's a fucking book, Mike!" "I read the Bible the same way I read anything else, with an open mind and an open heart." "Oh, is that what you call this?" "'Cause the way you're talking doesn't exactly sound very fucking open-minded." "This relationship has just developed into something unhealthy." "What does that even mean?" "Tyler?" "You were just as interested in that as I was." "No." "I just wanted you to be happy because I was afraid you were gonna leave." "I was never gonna leave, Mike." "I've stood by you." "I've held your hand while you were so terrified of dying that you created illnesses that didn't even exist." "The truth is that I was living a lie." "( sighs )" "The truth is that God loves us..." "Shut the fuck up!" "( sighs )" "Okay." "Wait." "( crying )" "Please don't go." "Where are you going?" "The thing that will really kill you... is repressing who you truly are." "That's what you should really be afraid of." "( door opens and closes )" "♪♪" "( footsteps approaching )" "So he just left this here out in the open?" "( sighs )" "( sighs )" "♪♪" "( rubbing hands together )" "( sighs )" "I have come to a decision that will be shocking to anyone I used to relate to." "♪♪" "The presence of God has grown strong in my life." "He told me that my panic attacks were caused by my shallow, sinful lifestyle." "( sighs )" "I've come to the realization that identifying as gay prevents you from finding your true self within." "And we must be our true selves in order to join God in his kingdom." "Therefore, I, Michael Glatze, no longer identify as gay." "( sighs )" "( sighs )" "( knuckles crack )" "( indistinct chatter )" "( sighs )" "( dings )" "( dings )" "♪♪" "Why did you do it?" "( sighs )" ""Gay activist goes straight"?" "You gave the anti-gay right the story of their dreams." "I don't know why." "I don't know." "Who pushed you?" "No one." "I just wanted to tell my story." "Look, I think this all happened because God needed to teach me a lesson." "That's why I'm here, to make it better." "♪♪" "Meditation is a way of slowing down and developing kindness towards yourself." "Through mindfulness practice, we develop strength of mind." "We become more present and we learn to appreciate our world." "God works in mysterious ways." "He has sent me to a place where I can get away from the physical world so that I can focus on my true self..." "A happier, healthier man, free of unnatural desires." "( indistinct chatter )" "At first, I didn't understand why God would send a Christian to a Buddhist retreat." "But I have faith in his plan for me." "♪♪" "Desire is powerful." "And God is testing me." "But I refuse to give in to temptation." "I've come to the realization that God wants me to use meditation to rid myself of abnormal desires." "God gave Buddha the light to be Buddha." "He did." "Michael, what are you talking about?" "I just want us to be on the right path for our future, for our health, for the afterlife." "I am on the right path, okay?" "My path." "♪♪" "Michael, I..." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, Nico." "MICHAEL:" "It's the same kind of strength that you need to-to clear your mind." "You know, we just, we need to find that strength to fight what we both know in our hearts is wrong." "We just have to fight it." "Stop, Michael." "Stop." "No, I mean..." "Michael, you're confused." "You're very confused and it's at my expense." "( engine starts )" "♪♪" "( van drives away )" "( sighs )" "People have been asking how I am." "Some out of support." "Others who think I've reconsidered." "I've come to the realization that Bennett represents soul," "Tyler represents body, Nico represents mind." "Father, Son, Holy Ghost." "I guess God need me to complete the Trinity in order to move on." "So I'm ready to set the record straight." "I was a heterosexual person with a homosexual problem, and I took care of that problem." "I have not reconsidered." "A good number of people have come forward and expressed their concern about your being involved with this organization." "This center is supposed to accept everyone." "Yes, and we do." "We welcome people of all beliefs, but we don't tolerate hate." "I don't hate anybody." "Michael, you've written what some would call very hateful things." "Those are my beliefs." "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "Are you okay?" "( sighs )" "I don't know..." "I don't understand what has changed, but I, uh..." "Here we practice compassion." "And I'm just, I'm afraid this isn't gonna work out." "So, because I'm Christian and I express my opinions..." "I have to leave." "That's so messed up." "♪♪" "LAURA:" "That's really everything?" "Your whole life is in that one bag?" "MICHAEL:" "Yeah." "Do you think you'll stay here?" "I mean, San Francisco can't be the best place for an... ex-gay." "I'm not an ex-gay." "I'm just me." "Honestly, I thought you'd be happy." "I mean, you never really approved." "That's not true." "Then why haven't we been close?" "I mean, you're my sister." "We're supposed to be there for each other." "We can be close now." "I'm glad you're here." "And I want you to be happy..." "Loving whomever." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "( exhales deeply )" "♪♪" "♪♪" "( indistinct chatter )" "( chuckles )" "I'm sorry." "No, I can't." "What?" "No, I'm sorry." "Uh..." "What happened?" "I can't." "Um..." "It's not you, it's..." "I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry." "( door opens )" "♪♪" "( indistinct chatter )" "( phone beeps )" "( ringing )" "( ringing )" "Olly, it's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "BENNETT:" "Hello?" "( panting )" "Michael?" "MICHAEL:" "Bennett." "( sighs )" "Where are you?" "Are you okay?" "Michael?" "I have to go." "Wait, why did you call me, Michael?" "( scoffs )" "( sighs )" "To my friends who are trapped in homosexuality," "I wanna thank you for your kind comments and keen observations regarding my story and my revelation that I am no longer homosexual and am now heterosexual." "The gay identity has been packaged and fed to you, and if you identify as gay then you have eaten it, preventing you from further growth and understanding of your true self." "But it's not too late to save yourself." "If you follow my lead." "I am confident." "I am blessed." "I am strong." "I am ready to give up my life for Christ in order to find my true self." "( sighs )" "( birds chirping )" "( sighs )" "You sure you don't want a coffee?" "I don't drink coffee anymore." "You're well?" "Yeah." "Why?" "Just asking." "I'm great." "I've never been better." "Well, I just wanted to see how you're doing." "So does Bennett." "Hmm." "I wish I could understand what you're going through." "I just don't want to be perceived as gay for the rest of my experiences." "It's that simple." "Are you still with Bennett?" "No." "I'm, uh, going to Europe to study space science." "That's great." "I'm going to Bible school." "God told me to become a pastor." "I don't want to open old wounds or anything, but I also don't know when I'll ever see you again." "I want you to know how much you meant to me." "I know you don't care anymore." "But I needed to say it." "For closure." "( sighs )" "( sniffles )" "This whole thing... it broke my heart." "Tyler..." "I'm sorry." "But I need to live for myself now." "Okay." "Okay." "Take care." "( sighs )" "( birds chirping )" "MAN:" "Now, sometimes somebody's gonna ask you what you believe." "They're gonna say, "You're a Christian, all right, what do you believe?"" "Maybe they're an atheist or a agnostic or a Muslim or a Buddha, you know, who knows what they are?" "And you better be ready to tell 'em." "We believe the Bible is the Word of God, the supreme, final authority in life and in our faith." "We believe in one God, eternally existing in three persons, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." "And we believe the sole condition for receiving everlasting life is belief and faith alone in the Lord Jesus Christ." "♪♪" "( indistinct chatter )" "Thank you." "I'll have one of those, please." "Hi, I'm Michael." "Uh, hi, I'm Rebekah." "( chuckles ) Guess we like all the same things." "( chuckles )" "I love it here." "I mean, I never though I'd end up in Wyoming, but I feel like I've finally found my niche." "Where'd you think you'd end up?" "That's a good question." "I don't know." "All I know is that I've always wanted to help people, because some people struggle so much when the solution is actually very simple." "It's right there in Matthew 10, the road may not be easy, but if we give up our lives for Christ, then we'll find our true selves." "Where did you go to college?" "Dartmouth." "Wow." "And you majored in music?" "In creative writing and English literature, but I minored in music theory and composition." "( chuckles ) That must've kept you busy." "What kind of stuff did you write?" "Well, my thesis was all poetry, actually." "Can I read some?" "Oh, I don't have it anymore." "My poetry is from a different life." "But I, um..." "I'm so interested in music now because it transcends language." "You know, it's like people don't have to argue about it or judge it or misinterpret it." "They can just listen." "You know, I just play and they just listen." "You know?" "I don't know if I do, to be honest, but the way you say it, I want to." "I'm sorry, I'm just blabbing." "What about you?" "No, don't be sorry!" "You're not blabbing." "Um..." "I majored in theater." "Theater?" "Really?" "Yeah." "Yeah, it was really fun, but it's not like it's a real job." "I actually stage managed a little bit after college, but I don't know, I felt adrift." "So I came here, hoping to figure out my path." "Me, too." "♪♪" "( dings )" "( typing )" "( dings )" "( dings )" "( sighs )" "♪♪" "I can't believe you've never had sushi." "Who hasn't had sushi?" "It's crazy." "Mm." "Oh, no." "( laughs )" "You don't like it." "I'm sorry." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "Oh..." "I'm sorry." "No, I used to hate it when my ex did that." "Always making decisions." "We can go somewhere else." "No." "No, no, no." "No, it's okay." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Yeah." "You like it." "It's fine." "( chuckles )" "Uh, how, um, how long ago was the ex you mentioned?" "Oh." "It was a long time ago." "It was, uh..." "I don't know why I brought that up." "It was stupid." "Well, um, was it serious?" "Were you gonna marry her?" "It was serious, but, um, no, not marriage." "What about you?" "Oh, no, I've..." "I've never been in a serious relationship." "My parents are very, very conservative." "Do you think they'd approve of me?" "( chuckles ) The future pastor I met at Bible school?" "Yes, I think they'd approve." "( both chuckle )" "♪♪" "( chuckles )" "( chuckles )" "♪♪" "Rebekah." "Hi." "Hi." "What?" "I just..." "Since when do you wear shirts like that?" "What?" "It's not inappropriate and it's hot out." "You're here to serve our Lord, not distract our men." "I don't think I'm distracting anyone." "Is this about Michael?" "We are not letting what we have get in the way of our studies." "Besides, the Lord brought us together." "It's about his past." "What about it?" "You really don't know?" "( chuckles ) Know what?" "( typing )" "( sighs )" "( whispering ) Rebekah." "( whispering ) Oh." "Hi." "( whispering ) Are we still meeting?" "( whispering ) Yeah, just let me finish this." "I'll be right there." "( whispering ) Okay." "I'll be in the cafeteria." "( whispering ) Okay." "( sighs )" "( sighs )" "I have something I have to tell you." "You already know, don't you?" "Are you still attracted to men?" "No." "It's in the past." "Okay, I..." "God showed me the light." "He showed me the truth." "A lot of people have pasts they're not proud of, but God forgives, right?" "My life has changed so much since I've met you." "And my feelings for you are real." "My feelings for you are real, too." "But I feel like we should just keep hanging out and see what happens." "Maybe not settle on anything too specific." "If that's okay." "Okay." "( exhales deeply )" "( footsteps approaching )" "Hi, I'm Michael." "♪♪" "Now, I wanna tell you a little secret about a great gift from God." "This gift is a human emotion and considered destructive by the enemies of God." "Fear." "You can never, never, never stop fearing yourself." "We are our own worst enemies." "And we must fear ourselves till the day we meet God himself." "God didn't put us here to live our lives in constant fear." "No, of course not." "And then he scolded me for asking questions." "REBEKAH:" "Well, that's not fair." "We're here to learn and we learn in part by asking questions." "No, we're here to serve God, not to identify as the exact kind of Christians they want us to be." "I'm sorry." "REBEKAH:" "Don't be." "You know what's best because that's God speaking through you." "You wanted to see me?" "Now, you've been rallying the students against us as though you're being controlled by the devil himself." "I've learned a lot about the Bible here, and for that I thank you." "But I refuse to be controlled by anyone other than God." "I follow my own path." "Yeah, and you want others to follow you." "Perhaps it's best if we mail you your diploma and that you not attend the ceremony." "I don't know if I can stay here anymore." "Oh." "Where will we go?" "We?" "Uh, I've been praying about it." "About us." "I told God how I feel about you and how much you mean to me." "And you know what?" "( sighs )" "I was consumed with nothing but peace." "Pure peace." "( sighs )" "I love you." "I love you, too." "And be not conformed to this world." "But be you transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove that good, glorious, and perfect will of God." "( sighs )" "That you may know that good, acceptable, and perfect will of God." "♪♪" "PAUL:" "Which would you prefer to have?" "Frosted Flakes or Fruit Loops?" "Well, obviously Fruit Loops." "Why?" "Why obviously?" "Well, you're a Fruit Loop." "( indistinct chatter )" "There you are." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Okay, got 'em." "( chuckles )" "You get everything?" "Mm-hmm." "ANTHONY:" "These are going to storage." "( sighs )" "Well, so you can have a little more room for your shoes?" "Shut up." "I have never seen anyone with more shoes than you." "You can never have too many shoes." "Get those out of here." "( phone rings )" "Hello?" "MICHAEL:" "Hi." "( papers drop )" "Hi." "How are you?" "Good." "I finished school." "But I'm no longer on their path." "So what path are you on now?" "My own." "I'm going to be the pastor of my own church." "( sighs )" "Why are you calling?" "Um..." "I, uh..." "I got the picture you sent of Olly." "I know it was months ago, but I didn't respond." "So how is she?" "( sighs )" "Oh, she's getting old." "But she's okay." "She has this stuffed animal that she carries around with her now everywhere she goes like it's her baby." "( chuckles )" "( chuckles )" "Bennett..." "I should tell you before someone else does." "I'm engaged." "To a..." "really amazing woman." "Now, I know what you're thinking because" "I asked myself the same thing..." "Am I really in love with her or am I only doing this to be right in God's eyes?" "And I'm truly in love with her, Bennett." "God went to the root of my same sex desires and he uprooted them." "He demonstrated that they were abnormal." "Michael..." "I'm really glad you think you're happy." "And I wish you all the best." "I really do." "I think you know that." "But I have no idea why you would call me up and use words like "abnormal."" "I'm so sorry for the way that things went down." "But just because we don't share certain beliefs, it doesn't mean that we can't still be friends." "I'll always be your friend." "And I really hope that this path takes you where you wanna go." "But I also hope that... as you're setting out to help other people... that you really take some time to help yourself." "I-I am." "I..." "I'm not gonna sit here and say that I know" "I'll be this way for the rest of my life." "We're always changing, evolving." "And I'm open to that." "( sighs )" "Then..." "I guess nothing's really changed." "Yeah." "You take care of yourself, okay?" "Goodbye, Michael." "Bye." "( phone beeps )" "( sighs )" "♪♪" "( doors open )" "( music stops )" "REBEKAH:" "Here they come." "( footsteps approaching )" "♪♪" "( panting )" "♪ Every finger in the room is pointing at me ♪" "♪ I wanna spit in their faces" "♪ Then I get afraid of what that could bring ♪" "♪ I got a bowling ball in my stomach ♪" "♪ I got a desert in my mouth" "♪ Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now ♪" "♪ I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets ♪" "♪ Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets ♪" "♪ I've been raising up my hands ♪" "♪ Drive another nail in" "♪ Just what God needs" "♪ One more victim" "♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?" "♪ Every day" "♪ I crucify myself" "♪ Nothing I do is good enough for you ♪" "♪ Crucify myself" "♪ Every day" "♪ I crucify myself" "♪ My heart is sick of being" "♪ I said my heart is sick of being in chains ♪" "♪ Oh, oh" "♪ Chains" "♪ Oh, oh" "♪ Got a kick for a dog" "♪ Beggin' for love ♪" "♪ I gotta have my suffering" "♪ So that I can have my cross" "♪ I know a cat named Easter" "♪ He says, "Will you ever learn?" ♪" "♪ You're just an empty cage, girl ♪" "♪ If you kill the bird" "♪ I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets ♪" "♪ Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets ♪" "♪ I've been raising up my hands ♪" "♪ Drive another nail in" "♪ Got enough guilt to start my own religion ♪" "♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?" "♪ Every day" "♪ I crucify myself" "♪ Nothing I do is good enough for you ♪" "♪ Crucify myself" "♪ Every day" "♪ I crucify myself" "♪ My heart is sick of being" "♪ I said my heart is sick of being in chains ♪" "♪ Oh, oh" "♪ Chains" "♪ Oh, oh" "♪ Please be" "♪ Save me" "♪ I cry" "♪ Ah, ah" "♪ Looking for a savior in these dirty streets ♪" "♪ Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets ♪" "♪ I've been raising up my hands ♪" "♪ Drive another nail in" "♪ Where are those angels when you need them?" "♪" "♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?" "♪ Every day" "♪ I crucify myself" "♪ And nothing I do is good enough for you ♪" "♪ Crucify myself" "♪ Every day" "♪ I crucify myself" "♪ My heart is sick of being" "♪ I said my heart is sick of being in chains ♪" "♪ Oh, oh" "♪ Chains" "♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?" "♪ Every day" "♪ Crucify ourselves" "♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?" "♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?" "♪ Never going back again to crucify myself again ♪" "♪ You know never going back again to crucify myself ♪" "♪ Every day"