"April?" "In Treatment, S02E02 April:" "Week One" "Sorry, should I sit?" "If you want to." "Nice bones." "I just..." "I like to take in a space when I enter it." "I'm... studying architecture and they... sort of train us to always be aware of our surroundings, so that..." "Am I talking too much?" "What?" "People don't usually ask that question in here." "I really like your office." "Thank you." " D.I.Y.?" " I'm sorry?" "Did you do it yourself or did you use an interior decorator?" "No, no." "I..." " So this is all you?" " Hm-hmm." " I'm impressed." " Thank you." "So, April..." "Well, maybe you can tell me a little bit about yourself." "What, uh, what specifically?" "Well, whatever you think I, I, I should know." "I'm 23, I go to Pratt, I'm studying architecture..." "I already told you that... and urban planning." "It's a three-year program." "I'm in my second year." "Um..." "My parents are both alive and still married to each other." "I have a brother..." "Daniel." "He's a year and a half younger." "We're pretty close." "I'm single... recently." "Very recently." "We were together since the first week at Pratt." "So is, uh..." "Is that what you've come to... to talk about?" "My breakup?" "I wish." "No, my, my breakup was... really fine, totally amicable." "Kyle was really incredibly civil about the whole thing." "We're still good friends." "And his new girlfriend's just... delightful." "And her father owns five buildings on Park Avenue, so... that's nice." "I'm sorry, I'm really bad at talking about myself." "You're gonna have to ask me questions or something." "Are you that kind of shrink?" "I can be." "I found your name online..." "Pratt listserv." "I wanted somebody close to school who actually takes my health plan." "Nobody had commented on your page." "There's a space where patients can recommend or not recommend." "Yours was empty." "That's probably 'cause I've just recently moved to the area." "I assumed it was a new practice... that you'd be younger." "Oh." "Would you prefer a younger therapist?" "No." "No, actually..." "You seem great." "How's business?" "Hard?" "Why'd you move?" "I'm sorry." "Well, I. I. I just can't help but notice that this is the third time that you have, uh, that you've apologized to me." "I'm not really sorry." " I was just being polite." " Okay, I just want you to know that you don't have to apologize for, for anything in, in here, anything that you say." "You, you can't..." "You can't offend me." " I can't?" " Well, of course you can, but..." "I can take it." "What I mean is, you don't have to censor..." "yourself... to spare my feelings." "Okay." "So, is this your first-time meeting with a psychologist?" "Uh, no, I saw somebody at school." "They give you nine weeks for free over the course of the school year, so..." "Nine weeks, that's, that's not long." "Well, it would've been plenty if she hadn't been such a fucking idiot." "First of all, uh," "Jennifer... was barely older than me." "One of those girls who..." "You could just tell she became a therapist because she didn't know what else to do with her life, like, like she woke up one morning and... thought..." ""I look like I'm a good listener" ""and I have nothing really to say." "I know!" "I'll be a therapist."" " No offense." " That's fine." "That's fine." "She was just waiting for some... rich doctor in a bad marriage to crawl into her office and fall in love with her so she could give up the whole charade." "I could just tell when I was sitting there in front of her, she was thinking," ""This girl is a complete waste of time."" "And what told you that?" "I don't know, it..." "It was just this feeling I had, this... polite glaze in her eye." "Also, she told me the same story twice, which was pretty disheartening." "In the same session?" "No, two different sessions." "So you went to see her again?" "Yeah, I figured I owed it to her." "How do you mean that you "owed it to her"?" "She was a nice person." "She, she was trying." "So, what was the story, the one that she told you twice?" "It's not significant." "I mean, it's not even a story, it's more of a joke." "You probably know it." "Maybe not." "Try me." "It's the one about the hick who comes to New York... and..." "Everyone's moving really fast." "Nobody gives him the time of day." "Taxis cut him off." "People try to pick his pocket." "And all he wants to do is get to the Museum of Natural History to see the dinosaurs, but he can't find it." "You know, he..." "He can't find it, he's walking in circles." "So... finally he walks right into the middle of Times Square, taps a cop on the shoulder and says," ""Excuse me, officer." "Can you tell me how to get to the Natural History museum, or should I just go fuck myself?"" "I've heard it, yeah." "It's a..." "It's a classic." "Yeah..." "Well, she told it to me twice, and it wasn't funny the first time." "When I didn't go back, she called me like... 87 times." "I was like, "Take a hint, lady."" "Do you think it's possible that she didn't know that you had chosen to stop therapy?" "How many phone calls does a person need to ignore before you realize they don't want to talk to you?" "So you never spoke to her again after you decided not to continue therapy?" "I didn't have anything to say to her," "I just didn't want to come back to therapy." "I just wonder why you felt that you couldn't just... just... tell her." "I didn't want to hurt her feelings." "The " " Okay." "First of all, the woman was borderline-stalking me." "I've had friends who've gone to therapy at school and... and if you quit, they're, they're supposed to call you once, send you a letter, and that's it." "Jennifer was way over the line." "Second of all, she was an idiot." "And third of all..." "Do you know her or something?" "No, I, I, I don't think so." "Why?" "Because you seem really invested in my relationship with her, and the whole reason I came to you was because I didn't think that you knew anybody that I know." "Well, I'm trying to understand what... you're trying to tell me when..." "you tell me this story." "Dude, back up." "I wasn't trying to tell you anything." "You, you're the one who brought her up." "Can I ask you if, uh... if anything else happened in those sessions that might have... disturbed you?" "Oh, my god." "I, I just told you the woman had oatmeal between her ears." "She barely noticed me." "I mentioned that my brother was autistic, that he took up a lot of my mother's time, and... she was like, "That must've been hard for you." "Do you, do you think you're angry at your brother?"" "And I was like, "I love my brother, but I could throw you off a bridge right now, bitch."" "I, I, I don't understand you people." "I thought I could come here and... you know, somebody might actually listen to me, and instead... all you wanna do is waste my time talking about my first shrink and what a fucking disaster she was." "I don't think we've been wasting our time." "Of course you don't." "Look, right, look." "Uh, it may seem to you like I'm a bit slow on the uptake, but I, um..." "I really have been listening." "And I think I know a little bit more now about... what's important to you." "Well, you've told me not to tell you things twice, not to feed you platitudes, not to waste your time, you've told me that you're fiercely loyal to your family, and if I fail to engage you," "you'll disappear on me... even if I call you 87 times." "It wasn't really 87 times." "Okay." "So..." "So what have you come here to talk about?" "How many people come to you with like... a really big problem?" "Like what?" "I don't know, uh... a death, a rape." "I don't know." "Anything that you tell me I, I, I can handle." "I wasn't raped." "Don't worry." "I'm trying to tell you, I just, uh..." "I can't get the words out of my mouth." "Can I write it down?" "Of course." "How do you feel?" "Tired." "What type of cancer is it?" "You know what, I..." "I, I, I don't really wanna talk about it, I, um..." "I just wanted to tell someone." "I have so much other shit on my mind right now that, um..." "This project is due in two weeks," "I have so much drafting to do, then... not to mention the model, which I haven't even started." "I'm so fucked." "Are you sleeping?" "Not really, no." "Um..." "I wake up in these cold sweats." "They're pretty awful." "The whole bed is soaked." "Night sweats are apparently a very common symptom... of lymphoma." "And other things you never wanted to know." "So how long have you known?" "Five weeks." "And, uh... how did you find out?" "I had a cough." "It was totally minor, but it wouldn't go away." "And it was embarrassing to be sitting in class, coughing all the time, so..." "I went to the health center." "They gave me antibiotics." "But they didn't help." "Which is not really a surprise because the health center is total shit." "We have this joke that you go in there, bleeding profusely from your head, and if you're a woman, they'll give you a pregnancy test." "So..." "You know, I figured I'd suck it up and... whenever I finally talked to my dad he'd tell me what to do." "Is he a doctor?" "In the army." "He's supposed to be retired, but, um..." "Now he's working with the V.A., and they're so understaffed, it's impossible to get him on the phone." "Anyway, where am I?" "You were talking about, uh, your cough." "Right." "So..." "I couldn't reach my dad, and then..." "I started having these awful night sweats, uh..." "So I went back to the center and, and -- guess what they did." " What?" " Accused me of taking diet pills... or cocaine." "Uh, the doctors couldn't agree on what controlled-substance abuse I was keeping from them, so... that was awesome." "Finally, uh, someone had the bright idea to... send me to Brooklyn Hospital to get a chest X-ray, and then..." "Well, the rest is history." "I have a big mass... behind my spine." "Don't ever get a bone-marrow biopsy, okay?" "Just tell them to find another way." "Heard you." "They do it in front of ten medical students." "And they're all flirting with each other, as if you're not even in the room, you know?" "As if you're already dead, and it's an autopsy." "It sounds horrible." "Primary mediastinal large B-cell, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma." "You've met..." "You've met with an oncologist?" "Yeah, the same day I was diagnosed." "Were you alone?" "Yes." "You didn't want anybody to go with you?" " Like who?" " Like a friend?" " No." " Or parent?" "Hell, no." "How did your mom and dad react when you told them that you were sick?" "I haven't told them." "So who have you told?" "You." "Me?" "Anybody else?" "A construction worker." "One of my biggest pet peeves is, when I'm walking down the street and some asshole at a building site tells me to smile." "You know?" "Like, "Smile, sweetheart." "It ain't that bad."" "So..." "I mean, you know, I've always wanted to say something back that would really shut those guys up." "So the other morning I was walking to school, and... this guy yells out," ""Hey, doll face." "Smile, will you?" "It's a beautiful morning."" "And I shouted back, "I have cancer!"" "It was awesome." "Well..." "Not really." "So the only people that you've told about this are... this construction worker and, uh... and me." "I wanted to talk to someone who was... objective... just someone who doesn't care what happens to me." "You care, I'm sure, because you're a human being, but you won't, like... get hysterical if I tell you that..." "I don't know, that maybe I don't wanna get treatment." "You know, like if I tell you, "Maybe I want to die right now," ""right here, on your couch," you're not -- gonna..." "I don't know... jump out the window, right?" "I just, I just... need to think about all this for a moment..." "Maybe see a, an herbalist or an acupuncturist or something, figure out what my options are before I start telling everyone and... managing the hysteria." "Who would become hysterical if you told them?" "Your mother?" "Your father?" "And... your brother?" "Daniel doesn't get hysterical." " Violent, but not hysterical." " Violent against whom?" "What?" "No... nobody." "Himself." "It's..." "Don't worry about it..." "You seem to me to be really... independent." "And, um..." "I, I can imagine that the idea of, uh... accepting... treatment... um... putting yourself in somebody else's hands," "I, I can imagine that that would be... kind of scary." "I just told you I wanna explore my options... meditation, yoga " "These are good stress relievers, but they're not gonna stop the progress of this disease." "Not according to Western medicine." "April -- did you come to me, looking for somebody to tell you that it's okay... not to get treatment?" "No." "Do you, do you smoke?" "What?" "Um..." "Socially, a bit." "This isn't lung cancer." "Well... there's an old, um... adage, uh... a saying that... the reason smokers don't believe a cigarette can kill them is because... a cigarette... has never killed them before." "I don't understand." "I'm wondering if you really... believe... that you have cancer." "I know I have cancer." "Yes, but do you believe... what you know?" "What else did the oncologist tell you?" "April?" "She said that I was at stage three and I should start chemo immediately." " Do you trust her?" " No." " Why not?" " I just don't like her." "Could that possibly be because she was telling you that you do have cancer?" "I just told you I wanna look into alternative medicine, maybe a homeopath." "Do you see any pattern between going to different therapists and, and going to different doctors?" "Did you tell the other therapist about your disease?" " No." " Why not?" "Because I could tell she wasn't really interested in me." " And how could you tell that?" " She told me the same story twice." "You know, I, I, I've been thinking about that, that story." "The man who needs, uh, assistance, he refuses to ask and refuses to ask, and then, when he finally has no other choice he, he, he goes up to the cop, but... instead of asking for help," "he assumes the cop is going to... insult him, so... he insults himself before the cop has a chance to say a word." "I think it's really the story of a man who's undergoing an intense internal conflict, a man who has a hard time... trusting... other people." "It was just a joke." "But I'm just wondering if she told it twice for a reason, April." "Is it possible, do you think, that she really was..." "listening to you?" " She was a moron." " That might be true, but she may have been trying to tell you that it's okay to rely on other people, that it's... that it's okay to... to ask for help." " This is ridiculous." " Everybody at some point in their lives needs help, and I think that" " you need help now." " You haven't heard a word I've said." "I think that you need to have a conversation that takes place outside your own head." "I think you need to talk to your oncologist." "I think you need to tell her that you're considering alternative therapies." "I think you need to ask her how she thinks you should proceed." " And you do need to tell your parents." " Just stop it." " You're, you're at stage three." " Stop, stop it!" "Stop it!" "How dare you tell me what to do?" "You do not know me." "April..." "What, do you... do you formulate your little theory as soon as I walked in?" ""Young girl, cancer..." "This is an easy one."" "You have no idea what I am capable of." "You're right." "I don't." " Would you like to tell me?" " You know, I..." "I have to go." "Uh, our time's up." "April, I'm sorry that you felt I was telling you what to do before I've gotten to know you, but..." "I do think that we should schedule another session." "Uh, let me think about it." "Um, how, how is Friday, Friday afternoon?" "You know, I actually, uh, I, I don't have my schedule this week." "I'll call you when I get back to the dorm." " And when, do you think, that will be?" " I don't know." "April." "This time is very crucial." " So I hear." " So..." " What about the session?" " Uh, I'll call you, okay?" "Thank you."