"That's great, Bettina, making this dress look like a million bucks." " Where'd you find her?" " Myspace." "She said she'd work for free if I made her prints for her portfolio." "So, she wasn't sent down by aliens to seduce mankind?" "Mankind should be so lucky." "Yeah, I don't trust her." "It's like if you cut her open, purple goo would come out." "Come on, she's a normal girl." "Her profile says she's into Bowie and cycle-riding." "Okay, Bowie?" "Notorious extraterrestrial, probably her brother, assuming their pods divide that way." "And what human being refers to biking as "cycle-riding"?" "Ooh, yeah, yup." "Hold it there." "Yeah!" "Tell me you saw her eat that bug." " I'm sure it flew away." " No, I know what I saw." "Just get in there." "No." " Come on, do something..." " What?" " Get in there." " Ow!" "Fine." "One sec." "Hi." "Do you think I'm pretty?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I think you're very, very, very pretty, but, um... not into ladies." "I'm into everything." "Sophia..." "Hey, Google, uh, "Are aliens living among us?"" "Not doing that." "Okay, Google "Is Bettina from space?"" "Don't forget the quotes." "It's the only way to get accurate results." "Busy working." "Okay, but vintage clothes aren't gonna matter when her kind takes over." "It's gonna be baggy jumpsuits for all of us unlucky enough to survive." "Get a grip, girl." "You get a grip... on a pickax when you're down in the crystal mines fighting all the Bettina ali..." "Whoa!" "How do you have 5000 Myspace friends?" "Ladyshopper99 posted photos of herself in the wedding dress that was linked to my page." "So, then I get a shit-ton of friend requests, which got me thinking, more friends equals more customers." "So, I bought an illegal bot off of Craigslist." " You bought a bot." " I bought a bot." " You bought a bot." " I bought a bot." "Bot." "I bought a bot." "Okay, what is a bot?" "Bot is a computer program that takes friends of friends, and then..." " What the fuck?" " No, that ad's a trick." "You're not gonna win a free Sidekick by clicking on JLo's eyes." "No, no, no." "Your top eight." "There's no Annie." "Oh, yeah." "I had to bump you." "Sophia, putting people in your top eight is the only public way to show that someone matters to you." "And I'm using mine to get Nasty Gal out there." "Put me back in." "Nope." "Come on, it's easy." "Just drag my picture in one of those boxes there." "You may not be in my top eight, but you're in my apartment." "Isn't that enough?" "Sophia, I'm..." "I'm telling you that I care about this." "I'm telling you that it's stupid that you care about this." "Okay." "Whatever, dude." "Annie, come on." "No, I know." "Yeah, you think I'm overreacting, and that sucks." "And it sucks that I'm not in your top eight." "And you know what sucks most of all is that you don't seem to get any of this." "Whole thing sucks." "It sucks." "You can't keep me in here!" "Wanna bet?" "You basically started a riot over that ball you're holding." "It belongs to a five-year-old kid." "No, I caught it." "You ripped it out of his weak little hands." "That whiny little brat dropped it." "This is a classic finders-keepers situation." "I find you very unpleasant." "You know, I don't deserve to be lumped in here with all these drunks and a slut who flashed her yabos all over the Jumbotron." " What's your name?" " Me?" "Annie." "Old Annie here probably scarred thousands of kids." "All I did was outhustle one." "What's your name?" "Sophia." "Well, for your information, Sophia," "I wasn't trying to show a bunch of kids my yabos." "I was trying to show Barry Bonds my yabos." "Hm." "My dad says Barry's on steroids or doing the juice, you know, but I think everyone's just pissed 'cause he's awesome and he knows it." "Baseball's boring as shit, but I love Barry." "Oh, my God." "I hate baseball, too." "But then, I saw B. Bonds in person, and I was instantly like:" ""That man is my soul mate." I don't care how shriveled his nuts are." "So, you showed him your boobs." "Totally makes sense." "Yeah." "I wanted him to see what he was getting." "When he saw these tatas, he hit a tater." "If anything, that ball you're holding should be mine." "No, you're never getting this thing." "It's a part of history." " And I bet you I can get two large for it." " Ooh." "I got two large right here." "Ba-ba." "We're letting you two go, just not back inside the park." "Okay." "I wanna hear a judge say I'm innocent." "And I wanted to hear the police academy say, "You passed,"" "but life is a winding road." "Now, scram." "So, what do you do?" "Used to be a sandwich artist." "Oh, hey, I'm in a creative field, too." "I'm studying cosmetology." "Hair mostly, but I wanna get into makeup." "You go to school?" " Hell, no." " Yeah." "There was a time when I couldn't wait to get out of school, and now I'm back taking classes." "Weird." "It's just something to do, I guess." "Really thought you would have, uh... peeled off by the time I finished that thought." "What else?" "What else?" "Well, um, I'm this way, so..." "All right, I'm..." "Yo!" "It's that punk kid who made that little boy cry." "Boo her, honey." " Boo." " Boo!" " Boo." "You suck." " Boo!" " Boo!" " Okay, all right." "You would have done the same thing, okay?" " Give it to us." "We'll take it to the kid." " Yeah." " Bend over and I'll give it to you." " Or we'll just take it." " Get off of me!" " Give her the ball." "She'll kick your ass." "Just give it to me!" "Give it to me!" "Give it!" " Hop on." " You bitch!" "Boo!" " Boo!" " Hey, hey, hey." " Okay, okay, okay." " Boo!" "You know, I didn't need your help." "Yeah, but you took it." "Really never thought I'd see Daly City." "Man, you do not care about stop signs." "Yeah, can I use your bathroom?" "Because I really have to pee, and it's either that or the hedges." "Your choice." " Yeah, sure, I guess." " Thank you." "Hold on." "You're gonna need the keys." "Come on." "Hey, thanks." "Disaster was barely averted." "Don't mention it." "Oh, wow." "Okay." "I did not see this coming." "Hey, is that your dad in all those pics?" "'Cause if it is, he is super-bangable." "Where is he?" "Uh, I thought he would be here." "Part of the reason why I went to the game." " So, it's just you and him?" " I'm only crashing here temporarily." "I was up in Washington before this." "Things got, like... poor." "Mm." "Ooh." "Okay." "Wow." "Wish I could wear boots like these." "You can." "You don't have to do the Britney thing because everyone else is." "I guess, but a person's look isn't all who they are." "It's just what they want people to see of them." "You know, like my look says this girl can move." "And your look is that, and that's why you're alone." " I'm not alone." " Really?" "Everything I've learned about you today says otherwise." "Do you like my hair?" "Uh, no." "It's terrible, actually." "Looks like a janitor cleaned out a locker room shower and then just dumped it right on your head." "It doesn't frame your face at all." "You're so cool and beautiful, and you're hiding it from the world." "And I guarantee that if you weren't, no one would've been mad that you stole a ball from a kid." "Well, I've said more than my share." "Hey!" "Will you... cut my hair sometime?" "Sure." "I just need a trim." "You need more than a trim." "Annie." "Mm?" "I don't wanna upset you, but..." "I don't know if I wanna go tonight." "Not go to oldies night?" "You smack yourself in the face, and you smack yourself good." "I might be over it." "No." "Okay." "Give me those." "Yeah." "This is the raddest pic we have ever taken together in our entire lives." "This is our Destiny's Child album cover." "Yeah, and Veronica's the third one that no one remembers." "Veronica's harmless." "She calls me Coach." "I don't know why, but it's a really aggressive move on her part." "Maybe she thinks you're the coach of Team Friendship." "You don't think it's weird that she's never given us drink tickets?" "Why does she get to choose who's worthy all because she's got these little stubs in her kangaroo pouch of power?" "I mean, come on." "Fanny packs are out, bitch." "Like it or not, she runs oldies night, and there's nothing more fun." "So, you have got to dig deep and switch that sitch." "Attagirl." "♪ I know I'll see her around all night ♪" "♪ And I need my baby To hold me tight ♪" "♪ Lord knows I'm so weak Down on my knees ♪" "Hey, my Annie!" "Coach!" " Hella psyched you guys made it." " We wouldn't miss it, Neeks." " Yeah, Neeks." " Well, we're just getting started." "Lots of old-school Otis Redding." "None of that stuff they play on the radio." "You mean like his hits?" "You're the funniest fucking chick on the planet." "Seriously, I can listen to you all night." "So fucking funny." "I don't know about you, Annie, but I could really use a drink." "Yeah." "Hit that bar." "Drink it up, drink it down." " Drink it all around." " That's so fucking funny!" "Shmemily, you made it." "Where's Power Tits tonight, the library?" "All right, come on." "♪ Wondering where did I ever go wrong?" "♪" "♪ Because you've been gone so long ♪" "♪ Somebody gotta help me now ♪" "♪ I got to see my baby ♪" "♪ I better be moving on ♪" " I have to go to the bathroom." " What?" "What?" "No, no, I can't hear you." "Hey, let's go to the bathroom!" "♪ ...sweet thing Everything I need ♪" "Hey, turn around." "This isn't Europe." " Okay." " Pervert." "That I am." "♪ Here's to moving on ♪" "♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪" "♪ Here's to moving on ♪" "Hey!" "Not that you're not the most important person here tonight, Coach, but this is the VIP section." "Yeah, I know." "No one's been in here." "But the sign says reserved." "So, if you wanna sit, there's always the bar." "This is ridiculous." "Section's been empty all night." "Hell, it's always empty." "And I'm Coach." "So, give me some of them drink tickets and take a lap already." "Come on!" "That's why I call you Coach." "Because the night I met you, you sort of started telling everyone what to do." "Oh, God." "Well, I don't mean to be a threat to you, grand poo-bah." "Okay, that's not funny." "Holder of the drink tickets that I never get." "The drink tickets are meant as a reward for those who bring in other people, and you two are always by yourselves, okay?" "Now, I really need you to just clear the area, because I've been talking to you for way too long." "Hey." " Hey." " Is everything okay?" " Yeah." " I have no idea what she just said, but I'm 100 percent sure she just called me a piece of shit." " What?" "!" " She said that to you?" " I didn't say that to her." " Fuck this!" " I didn't say that to you." "Oh, my God, no!" " Drink tickets for everyone!" "No!" "No." "Drop the tickets." "♪ Keep up the decoy ♪" "Whoo!" " Where you ladies headed?" " Indio, off the 10 east." " You going that way?" " Yes, I am." "Before we get in, though, what's your name and what are you hauling?" "My name's George, and the trucker's code dictates that you never tell, but it rhymes with "frozen hamburger tatties."" "Look, look, look, there are lowlifes everywhere." "I just wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that maybe the wrong guy picked up you defenseless little girls." "Good enough." "Let's ride." "Yeah?" "Okay, come on." "But just so you know, we are not defenseless little girls." "Help me up." "It's too high." " Ready?" " Yup." "Breaker-breaker one-nine, who's got a 20 on Smokey?" " Get back, over." " That's not a toy." "Everyone thinks it is, but it's a tool of my job." "Hey, George." "If you're in the truck, it's not that fun." " Oh, come on, just do it." " Come on!" "Yeah!" " Yeah." " All right, all right, it is." "It is." "So, what's in Indio?" "Coachella." "It's a music festival in the desert." "Mm-hmm." "I have the perfect plan." "First, we're gonna hitchhike without getting murdered." " So far, so good, right, George?" " Mm-mm." "Then we're gonna get there and share a hotel room for two nights." "This thing is stocked with four peanut butter and honey sandwiches, ten granola bars, and one sleeve of original Pringles." "Hey, George." "Hm?" "So, what now?" "Just find another ride?" "Yup, plan stays the same." "I gotta go pee." "Hm." "I see you looking at me." "Probably 'cause I'm like a supernova of good vibes, right?" " Hot enough for you?" " Yeah." "I mean me, not the desert." "Oh." "♪ Have to get home Out of the way ♪" "♪ With someone new tuned in ♪" "♪ You sing to me There's got to be ♪" "♪ A better way to go ♪" "Hey, great news." "I got us a ride with some cute guys headed to Coachella." "And they were super-nice." "Probably Mormon." " Are you gonna steal that monkey?" " Where's the backpack?" "In the car." "Why?" "Maybe they're coming back." "It's getting dark out." "No one is gonna stop for us." "I'm pretty fucking scared of coyotes, you know?" "Mainly because of the biting, sure, but also because they're highly organized in their attacks." "I don't know if you knew that, which... yeah, just leads back to the biting, so..." "Come on, Sophia." "It might be time to rethink the whole Coachella plan." "Plan stays the same." "Uh-huh." "Right." "Well, the tooth fairy doesn't have to give that much, Daphne." "Is it a molar?" "Couple of girls just walked in." "They got dirty necks." "I'll have to call you back." "No." "No more than a dime per tooth." "Hi." "My friend and I, we've been walking out in the cold for miles, and our stuff was stolen." "Money, food, everything." "Could you help us?" "We're just two defenseless little girls." "Now, this motel may not look pretty from the interstate and we might have creepers in the bathtubs... but we're not free." "We're just kind of in a jam here." "A jam is having two sons who won't speak to each other." "A jam is a cyst on your foot so you can't wear flip-flops anymore." "Those do sound like problems." "But notice, I'm not making my problems yours, so, I'd ask that you not make yours mine." "So, you're just gonna kick us out?" "Right into the cold?" " Nice." " Hon, I'm running a business here." "So, you and your sweet-cheek little friend can just entertain your johns at some other establishment." "Oh." "Oh..." "Okay." "Yeah." "Sophia, stop." "I know this is all my fault, but I can fix it." "How?" "I'll call my parents and have them come pick us up." "We don't have anywhere to stay." "No!" "I am going to Coachella." "I'm gonna see the Polyphonic Spree." "I'm gonna meet them, and I'm gonna join them on tour." "They're not even gonna notice." "There's tons of them." "I'll have to learn how to play the violin, but I'll mostly fake it." "I mean, fuck, they can't all be playing!" "And then I'm gonna do that until I decide to do something else." "This whole time, that was your plan?" "That doesn't make any sense." "Where was I supposed to go?" "This is insane." "We have to go home." "No, I don't wanna go home, Annie!" "And I sure as hell don't wanna go back to Daly City!" "I was only supposed to be at my dad's for two weeks." "I've been there for two years." "I can't do it anymore." "So, you can do whatever you wanna do." "But I'm not going back." "Not tonight, not ever." "It's gonna be okay." "I'm here." "We're just gonna figure it out tomorrow morning." "I love you." "You know... in case we die here tonight." "I love you, in case we die." "Don't ever leave me, okay?" "I won't." "I promise." "Hey." "Thank you."