"From the start it was good." "In the beginning, it was really good." "When it first started, we..." "First started seeing each other, going out together just the two of us, doing things." "Well, it always is." " Isn't it always that way?" " Isn't it?" " Christ." "The energy we had." " The fun we had." "The times we spent." " Doing nothing sometimes." " Doing everything." " It didn't matter what we did." " Anything." " It was just so good." " It was like a drug." "Every day, whatever I was doing, the whole world was beautiful." "Everything that didn't make sense before, all of a sudden..." "It was being alive again." "It was like I'd been dead, and now I was alive again." "Hope, I guess." "That's what it was." "Belief." "Believing in everything again, you know?" "I liked the way I looked." "I stopped checking the scale." " I stopped smoking." "I stopped smoking." " I stopped punishing myself." " I felt good about myself." " I felt like I could do anything." "I used to get so excited I would shake." "Every time I knew I was going to see him there was, like, this electricity coming out of me." "You know, people would say:" ""What's going on?" "You look great." "What've you been doing?"" " I was on a roll." " I was strong." "I was relaxed." "I was like a pig in shit." " Everything came together suddenly." " All the loose ends." " All the fear." "All the anxiety." " Sometimes you don't even know you're in pain until it goes away." " And then the relief." " The joy." " When I saw him..." " I laid eyes on her..." " I knew." " Right away." " This was it." " Really it." "When it starts that good, there's no place to go except bad." " Why be so difficult?" " Because I want to know." " Bullshit!" " What are we doing?" "What we're doing?" "What you're doing is leaving, going." "Go!" " I'm not going." " Go." " We're supposed to be talking." " We are talking." " No, we're not talking!" " Okay, then." "We'll talk." "We'll talk." "Talk." "Talk." "Talk!" "Go on." " You really make me sick." " Thank you very much." "If I eat, I want to throw up." "If I don't eat, I get a headache." "If I sleep, I have nightmares." "If I don't sleep, I get depressed." "I can't move." "I'm stuck on a chair just going over every word and it makes me even sicker." " This is a conversation?" " I'm trying!" "I have 57 vegetables waiting to have their picture taken." " I work." " Right." "Parlez-vous français?" " Teaching, it's very hard work." " Sure." " I'm taking that class tomorrow." " Aerobics?" "No, Flaubert and the Domestic Enslavement of Women." "Or, Does a Person with a Penis Have to Be a Dickhead?" "That's perfect." "You should pass." "That's right." "Shut up!" "Can you drop me where you found me?" "As soon as this damn traffic starts moving." " I'm sorry." "I am." " Me too." " I didn't mean it." " No, me either." " It's just..." " I know." " Sometimes..." " I know." "I think we should stop seeing each other." "I mean, what is it, two years?" "Two and a half years." "What's the point?" "Two and a half years." "What have we been doing?" "I don't know anymore." "I don't know what to do, okay?" "Try." "We're supposed to try." "We are supposed to make some kind of an effort." "Something goes wrong, you walk." "What is that?" "I don't want to see you anymore either, but I see you." "Who says we want what we think we want?" "We want what we think we're supposed to want, things books tell us to want." "That's what I wanted." "Happy." "Happy, happy, happy." "Shit like that, okay?" "We didn't get that." "That's the end of that." "It's not the end of us." "It's the end of a dream." "You wake up in the morning, and the dream is over." "So what?" "I'm still here." "You're still here." "We're still here." "Okay?" "Yeah." "So maybe we should..." " Maybe we should not see each other." " That's what I said." "She doesn't want you to call." "If she wanted to talk, she'd call you." "What am I going to say?" "Hello?" "Hello is good." "Hi, it's me." "Hello, it's me." "Hi, Monica, it's me, Steve." "Jesus." "Hey." "Hi, remember me?" "Christ, just..." "Just do it." "All right?" "I thought I'd drop in and say hi, but I thought I should call." "Check if you're in, if it's okay, that you haven't got anybody with you or anything, that you're by yourself." "I don't know." "I've been going out a lot lately." "No, actually I've been..." "No." "I've been going out." "I'm working." "Going out." "Working." "I've been going out and working." "I've been seeing lots of women." "Monica." "Okay." "Yeah, it's that time of year again." "I'm photographing lima beans." "Yeah, they're beautiful." "Why don't you call me, for fuck's sake?" "Hey, you want to go out?" "I don't know, we could go to a restaurant go to a movie, eat something." "Go out." "Out, out, you know, out." "Okay?" "I'd like to see you." "Yeah, it'd be nice to see you." "Don't you think?" "Wouldn't it?" "Yeah?" "Yeah, yeah." "I don't know." "I don't know, I just..." "Just to see you, you know?" "Come on." "No, no, I just..." "No." "I mean, just see you, okay?" "No, I just..." "Yeah." "Look, I know we're not supposed to see each other." "I know what we said." "Yeah." "I'm not forcing you." "Okay?" "I'm not forcing you." "How could I force you?" "I'm just saying..." "I'm saying..." "Look, I'm saying..." "I've said it." "I..." "Yeah." "Yeah." "All right." "All right." "Jesus." "All right, now, look, I'm sorry I called, okay?" "Don't worry about it." "No, no." "No, no." "No, it's not important." "Okay?" "I told you." "I told you why I called, okay?" "I'm not gonna tell you again." "All right?" "It's not important." "Okay?" "Go back to whatever you're doing." "It's fine." "Okay, yeah." "Bye." "Yeah." "Bye." "I called you because I wanted to see you!" "Don't move." "Don't move." "Come on, please, please." "Don't move." "Stay, stay, stay." " Your leg." " What?" " Your leg." " What leg?" " This one." " I can't feel it." "Where is it?" "Here." "Is that my leg?" "Yes, that's your leg." "Jesus, my whole body." "What do you do to me?" "Drugs." " We didn't do any drugs, did we?" " No." " Did we have a lot to drink?" " We didn't have anything to drink." "At dinner?" " We didn't go to dinner." " I thought we were going to dinner." "We didn't make it." "Then all this...?" "You mean, all this is just from the sex?" " We must've been really horny." " Yeah, I guess so." "It's amazing, isn't it?" "Everything else is falling apart." "I mean, with us." "And the sex is getting better." "I don't want to talk about it, all right?" "In the beginning, it was really terrible." "I mean, the sex." " Do you remember how bad it was?" " No." "Fucking amateurs." "I thought we'd never get it right." "I was just making an observation." "As the relationship has deteriorated..." " I got it." "...we fuck like monkeys." "Where do you want to eat?" "What?" "I thought we were going to dinner." " Now?" " Yeah, now." "It's not that late." "It's not..." "It's not that it's late." "I..." " I'm starving, honey." "Aren't you hungry?" " Yeah, I could eat." " I don't know." " Well?" "What's the problem?" "I thought you said you wanted to go to dinner." "But that was before." " Before what?" " Before this." "Yeah." "But we would have ended up in a bed anyway." "Now that it's out of the way, it's better." "Takes the pressure off the rest of the evening." "Why do you say things like that?" " Like what?" " "Takes the pressure off."" "What does that mean?" "I don't know." "I thought you were ecstatically happy to see me." " And I was." "I am." "So?" " So, what?" " So maybe that means something." "Would you pass me that bowl?" "Thank you." "Like maybe we should be seeing each other again." " I thought we were breaking up." " Well..." "What do you think?" "We shouldn't talk like it was a trip to the dentist." " It was good." " Something to get out of the way." "I didn't mean it like that." " Why did you say it like that?" " Because." "What?" "When we were going out to dinner or something it was always better if we, you know, had sex before we went out." "For me, it was better." "Why?" "I don't know." "I just always had a better time." " In bed?" " No." "At dinner or wherever we went after." "I don't get it." "It's not important." "You really gotta let me buy the wine." "Didn't I leave a half a dozen bottles of Napa here?" "The cab sauv?" "What happened to them?" "Okay, bad question." "I hope he enjoyed them." "To you, mi querida." "So whatever we were doing, you were thinking about whether we'd go to bed?" "It wasn't the only thing on my mind, okay?" "Hey, I'm not a nymphomaniac." "It had nothing to do with the sex." "I wasn't worried about whether I'd get laid or not." "I was worried about..." "What?" "I don't know." "You." "Us, I guess." "How you felt maybe." "It made me nervous." "And then if we made love, everything was okay." "I thought that it meant that you loved me." "That's all." "And then I could just relax." "I could just be myself." "We were having a good time because we were good together not because we were desperate or horny." "I guess I thought it meant there was a reason for us to be together." "I didn't know you felt like that." "No, I guess you didn't." "You put the carrots in the pasta?" "Monica." " Jesus, what are you doing?" " So you want to go to dinner?" "It is not my fault if you cannot cook." " You are an insensitive bastard." " Insensitive?" " Want to know what I don't get?" " Get the hell out of here." "Me?" " You invited me back." " Stop calling and sending messages." " I have not." " I know it's you." " Must be your other boyfriends." " Only you would do that." " Stay away from me." "You are an abuser." " I'm a what?" " You abuse me." " Oh, my God!" " Stay the hell away from me." " You're the one that abuses." " Stay out of my life." " I'm going." "I'm gone." " Get it through your head." "It's over." " I'm going." " Leave me alone." "Get out of my life." " Fine!" "Hi." "Are you surprised?" "Really?" "So am I. I'm surprised at myself." "Steve I miss you." "I do." "Well, six weeks is a long time." "No sex, I mean, six." "My phone, Darren." "Say what again?" "I miss you?" "Okay." "I miss you." "Okay?" "Are you happy now?" "Okay." "You don't have to do that." "You don't have to say it because I said it." "I didn't say it so..." "You do?" "That's nice." "Because." "I hate not seeing you." "And I feel more comfortable on the phone." "We do better on the phone." "Have you noticed that?" "We do." "We're nicer to each other." "And if we were on the phone and one of us was out of town, it was even better." "Look, if you were in Australia right now, I'd ask you to marry me." "Stop that." "Don't be dirty." "Stop it." "Steve I've been thinking." "There used to be reasons for people to be together, to stay together  like stability and security and even kids." "But you see, I don't need you for these reasons nowadays." "I mean, I can get all this on my own if I wanted to." "So if there are no real reasons for two people to be together then you're into unreal reasons, fantastic things." "Like happiness and good company and comfort and understanding and emotional support." "God, you wouldn't ask that much from a saint." "You look at this person that you have this relationship with, and you think:" ""What the heck is he good for anyway?"" "I hate being without you." "I hate it." "It's not right." "Can't we do something about it?" "I can't take it." "I can't." "Please." "Steve, what are you doing?" " Nothing." " What?" " Go back to sleep." " Are you all right?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yes, I am." " Go to sleep." " Why don't you turn on the light?" "I don't need a light." " You're going to break your neck." " I can see." " What are you doing?" " I'm looking for my shoes." " You're dressed." " I can't find them." "You're all dressed." "I must have taken them off in the other room." " Where are you going?" " I gotta go." " Where?" " I gotta get home." "Why?" "It's late." " Come on, let's go back to bed." " Look, I woke you." "I'm sorry." " You woke me?" " Yeah." "What were you going to do?" "Just leave?" "Yeah." "What is going on?" " Nothing." " Nothing?" " Nothing." " What happened?" "Nothing." " Well, why are you leaving?" " I gotta get up." " Besides that." " No besides." "I gotta get up." "Everybody's gotta get up, Steve." "I gotta get up." "The whole world's gotta get up." "We can talk about that one some other time." " I'm going crazy." " See, that's different." "I thought it was your everyday, garden-variety, existential crisis." "But crazy is different." "I'll call you tomorrow." " What is it this time?" " What?" " Did I do something?" " Why do you think that?" "Because I always do something." "No, nothing." "You didn't do anything, okay?" "Look, I don't mind." "Really." "I mean, we're not even seeing each other anymore so it doesn't matter." "But just as a favor, since it makes no difference could you not disappear in the night like a thief like you realized that you're at the wrong place, like you made this horrible mistake?" "So I don't have to worry that I upset you or disappointed you or hurt you or drooled on you." "Just this once, I'd like to get laid and get a good night's sleep, okay?" "What do you say?" "For old times' sake." "Come on, we'll go to sleep." "We'll wake up in the morning." "I'll make you some coffee." "We'll read the paper." "You never disappointed me." "I didn't?" "No." "That's what I thought." "No, no, no, no, no." "I was afraid." "I used to wake up..." "I'd fall asleep and then be wide awake, and I had to get out." " Why?" " Not because it was bad, okay?" "But because being here with you everything else was far away, just gone." "Me and my life, and every day what I do and who I am." "I was losing that here." "I'd wake up and think, "It's gone." "I'm gone."" "I've gotta get back to see if it's still there." "See if I'm still there." "Because here..." "I don't know who I am here." "I get lost here." " Is that such a bad thing?" " It's not that it's bad." "All right?" "It's not good or bad." "It just takes over." " It changes everything." " It's supposed to change everything." "Yeah." " Love, right?" " Right." "But suppose it doesn't last." "I gotta hang on to what I have besides this, to who I am away from this." "Because..." "If this isn't gonna last, and this is all I have, and it doesn't last who am I?" "What are you so afraid of now?" "I'm afraid that I won't ever love anybody as much as I love you." "I can't." "I just can't, okay?" "I gotta go." "It'll be okay, you know?" "I was looking for my shirt." "Can you get it to me?" "Or I'll come and get it or something." "Shit." " So how have you been?" " I've been great, yeah." "No, terrific." "It was funny seeing you like that." "And in that restaurant." " We were looking for a place to eat..." " Us too." "Then, I don't know, there we were." "Yeah, turned around, and there you were." " She was cute." " What?" " What's her name?" "Muffy." " Right, she's a friend." " She seemed really nice." " Yeah." " So is it serious?" " Well, kind of, you know..." " None of my business, I'm just curious." " Off and on, on and off, you know?" "And other women, like, you know, yeah." " I've been enjoying myself, you know?" " Anyway, it was nice seeing you." "Who, me?" "Him?" "No." "No, not serious." "Well, actually I don't know." " What?" "He goes to the gym a lot." "It shows, doesn't it?" "Three times a week, and aerobics every day in between." "Vitamins." "Are you joking?" "This guy has a separate suitcase for them." "Minerals, amino acids, antioxidants, you name it." "When we started going out, I thought he was on drugs." "He kept popping these things into his mouth." "Turns out it was bran." "Yeah, you heard right, bran." "There's no part of him that somebody doesn't do something to once a day." "He has this schedule." "So even if he wanted to work..." " ... he doesn't have time." " Really?" "He's got money." "He goes to Switzerland to check on buildings and get his blood changed." "Then he goes to this doctor who shoots him up with vitamin C." "Oh, my God, Steve, I went with him once." "He plugs in an IV  then starts playing the piano and talking  about Kant and Doekovsky..." " ... and Van Bankin." "Hello!" " Yeah, really?" "It's funny, he has everything done to him." "Facials  manicures, pedicures, high colonics." "You know what that is?" "You don't want to know." "You're on fire." "You're so hot." "I shouldn't be saying all this." "It's not fair." "Because I like him." "I do." "I see what he's doing." "He's fighting." "He's fighting hard." "Growing old, he's fighting it." "When we're together, just the two of us..." "I don't know, he holds on." "He likes life." "He wants it." "He fights for it." "He's selfish." "Dishonest." "I think he lies to me." "He's not very bright." "He's sort of funny-looking." "But he loves life." "It's amazing in this day and age." "It's contagious to be with somebody like that, who loves living so much." "Isn't it amazing?" "It's amazing!" "It's amazing!" "He loves life." "Isn't it?" "Isn't it?" "Steve?" "More!" "Steve?" "Steve?" "I want to get married." " What?" " I want to get married." " Well..." " Yeah, I do." "Okay." " I do." " Well, if you do, you do." "I do." " When?" " Right away." "Yeah, before I change my mind, you know?" "I think it's the right thing." "I thought about it, and that's what I think." "What do you think?" " What does she think?" " Who?" "I don't know." "I haven't told her." " I'm telling you." " Thanks." "You." "I mean you." " You want to get married to me?" " Yes." " You want us to get married?" " Yes." " You and me?" " Yeah." "It's not gonna work with her." "I can see that." "I mean, it's working." "It's working, but it's not gonna work, you know?" " Jesus." " Maybe I should start this again." " You want to get married to me?" " Yes." "No, look." "I'm working at it." "Okay?" "I'm trying." "Honest to God." "I'm doing okay, better than I've ever done." "Better than with you." "I'm patient, I'm not pushy, not crazy." "I see things the way they are." "She is what she is." "She's not who I think she is, not who I want her to be." "We don't fight." "We don't argue." "We tell the truth." "I think we tell the truth." "It sounds like the truth." "We share." "We share all of it." "It's very understanding, very easy like that." "So fucking dull." "I need some air." "It's not like I'm complaining." "If that's what it has to be, I understand." "We could never make anything work anyway, so why not try dull?" "Maybe dull will last." "But as dull as it is, it's the same thing." "A couple words, looks, wrong moves and bang it's over." "Then you break up find somebody else and start all over." "I can't do that." "I did it with you." "I..." "I can't do it with somebody else." "All that time to get someplace with her that I'm already at with you?" "That hit me." "It hit me." "We can't quit." "We have something." "We can't just throw it away." "Okay, I admit, it's a failure, but it's ours." "It's not the end." "That's too easy." "It's the place to start from." "It's two and a half years of our lives." "It's an investment." "All that pain to get to zero?" "Okay, well, now we're here." "You know, we've got nothing." "Nothing works." "We're finished." "Total." "Complete." "Everything we had is gone." "We haven't got a hope, a prayer or a chance." "That's it." "I really think we should get married." "I'm free Thursday." "You want to get married then?" " Don't do that." " What?" " Don't make jokes." " Well..." "Monica." "This isn't easy." "Do you think this is easy for me?" "This is important, all right?" "People are living real lives with problems." "We're running around like teenagers." "She loves me." "She loves me not." "I love her." "Who gives a fuck, all right?" "I want this over with." "I want it out of the way." "Final." "Total." "Complete." "Married." "The two of us." "So we can stop wasting time and do something with our lives." " One way to look at it." " The only way." " What about divorce?" "People..." " No." "No divorce." "No question of divorce." "Divorce is out." " Then we should get married in Iran." " Yes." "Fine." "Good." " But I'd have to wear a veil for life." " They take them off in the house." " Oh, well..." " Iran is good." "Iran is the answer." "At least there, these things mean something." " I think men still fool around in Iran." " No." "No fooling around." " Penalty of death." " Really?" "Yeah, you fool around, they chop off your dick." "Don't laugh." "You make me crazy when you laugh." "God, you're so beautiful." "I miss you." "We tried this breaking up shit, and it just doesn't work." "Marry me." "Please." " You know something?" " What?" "Honestly it doesn't sound so bad." " No, it's not." "It's the right thing." "It's the way it should be." " Except..." " No, don't "except." I know I'm right." " All right, suppose we do this." " Good." " We make this commitment." " Right." " Till death do us part." " Absolutely." " What happens if...?" " It won't." " Just..." "What happens if...?" " It won't happen." " You're not listening to me." " Why should I listen?" "I know I'm right, and when I'm right, I'm really, really right." "Okay?" "So just stop talking and say, yes." "Yes." "Hi, my name is Monica, and this is my boyfriend, Steve." "We're getting married soon, and we're just going around asking people what is it that we can do to make it last?" " What keeps you together?" " Honesty." " Friendship." " Love." " Trust." " Good sex." " You have a body..." " Good sex." " What do you really need in a marriage?" " You need to love your partner." "And good sex." "You can't make a recipe." "It doesn't work." "A very treacherous institution." "The word "love" itself is a myth." "That's why we're asking." "It's too confusing." "The secret is patience and understanding." "Now, if you want to go the other way..." "What would immediately break up a relationship?" "Not communicating." " Jealousy." " Lying." " You married?" " No, not yet." " You shave yet?" " No." "One person can't possibly give you everything that you need and want." " How long have you been engaged?" " Two years." "I'm not waiting that long." "Two spirits meet..." "Starts off heavy in love." "I don't say that you grow..." "And grow and grow and grow." "That's what I say." "My wife left me for one of my best friends, who she used to hate." "He used to repulse her." "And one day, he's the love of her life." "We want to get married and have babies." "You think that's a good idea?" "Why?" "Do you think I should dump him?" " Dump him in the garbage." " Dump me in the garbage?" "!" "Einstein." "Theory of relativity." "Do you understand it?" "Nobody does." "Nobody did." "Especially then beginning of the century." "It was scary." "All people could think was, no more straight lines or right angles." "No more absolute time." "Motion was curved." "What does that mean?" " I don't know." " Right." "Something happened to the world, and nobody understood it." "It was confusing, and people started jumping to conclusions." "There are no more absolutes." "Time." "Space." "Good." "Evil." "Things we know things we believe in, things we see." "We thought we understood these things, but maybe we don't." "Maybe they're all relative." "Do you follow that?" " You got the Real Estate section?" " Einstein was going crazy." "This is not what he meant, but that's the way most people understood it." "Moving day." "You think you have freewill." "You make decisions, you make things happen." "According to Marx, these are just behavior, superficial behavior." "Underneath this behavior, there are patterns determining our destiny." "And here's the killer:" "We have no control over them." "It doesn't matter what we do it makes no difference to the path of history." "Want a beach house this summer?" " Can we afford it?" " No." "But after the wedding, if we don't take a honeymoon." "No honeymoon?" "Okay." "Are you planning on doing anything today?" "At the same time that everybody's reeling who comes along?" "Sigmund Freud." "Things weren't bad enough, right?" "Suddenly, we were repressed." "On top of everything else, guilty." "Whenever we did anything, it was for the wrong reasons." "And what we're really doing, we're not responsible for." " Aren't you oversimplifying?" " Of course I'm oversimplifying." "Because I don't understand it." "You can't understand it." "They didn't give us anything to understand." "Except..." "Now, before those guys, we used to understand the world." "And now we don't, because they proved to us that we don't understand the world." " Want to give me a hand with this?" " I'm doing the fridge." "Twentieth-century man." "Doubt." " What are you talking about now?" " You, me, everybody." "It's right there in the Arts and Leisure section." "This is why we aren't sure of anything." "This is why we feel cut off." "Drifting." "This is why we can't make a commitment." "This is why people lie, cheat and steal, and they never think it's wrong." "Nothing means anything to us!" "You see what I mean?" "Are you saying you don't want to get married?" " No, I'm saying what I'm saying." " That's what I thought." "Okay, ready?" "Let's go." "You're driving." " Do you think we should have children?" " What?" "Do you think we should have children if we get married?" "What do you mean "if"?" " Do you take this man?" " Do you take this woman?" " For better or for worse." " In sickness or in health." "With the full knowledge that we really don't know what we are doing." "And that we might exchange this permanent internal unhappiness for a remolding of reality." "To live free of guilt and free of personal responsibility." "And all that that doesn't entail." " To love." " Honor." " And obey." " Obey?" "Powerless to alter or change in any way." "So that it really doesn't matter what we do." "With a final and conclusive knowledge that the world is not what it seems." "That you cannot measure time or space." " Or right or wrong." " Or good or evil." "Or the value of anything except the dollar, the yen, the deutsche mark." "Until death, divorce or desertion do us part." "I do." "Hello?" "I do." "I do." "I do!" "I do, I do, I do, I do..." " I do what?" " Take this woman, et cetera, et cetera." "I do." "I do." "Monica." "Yes, Steve?" " This is not a dream." " No, Steve, this is not a dream." "Now say, "I do," so we can get the hell out of here." "Okay." "I..." "I..." "I'll miss you." "I'm sorry you're going." " I love you." " Did I give you the keys?" "Yes." "I left the number where I'll be until I get an apartment." "What else?" "I don't know." "My mother's sending back the wedding gifts." "I told her whatever it cost, we'll split it." "The catering, the food." "Okay, sure." "I'll call her." " I wouldn't call her if I were you." " Why not?" "Okay, call her." "Just don't be surprised if she isn't very nice." "She thinks it's your fault." " Why would she think that?" " Because that's what I told her." "Right." " I couldn't tell her the truth." " Why not?" "Because I don't know what the truth is." " She's disappointed?" " Putting it mildly." "She was already counting grandchildren." "I'm sorry." " Don't keep saying that, please." " But I am." "Yeah, so am I. I'm sorry I ever laid eyes on you." "I'm sorry you exist." "I have a long list of sorries." "But I won't get into them now, because none of them really matter except for one major, stupid, unbelievable mistake and that is that I gave up my apartment to come and live with you." "For that, I am truly, truly sorry." " Look, you could just stay here." " Sure." "You could." "Sure, I could." " But where would you stay?" " Here." "Come on, we're both adults." "No, we're not." "Are you crazy?" "You call this behavior adult?" "Besides, I can't stand the sight of you right now." "Do you understand that?" "Look, I told you." "I was confused." "Scared." "I kept looking around, thinking, "Why are they here?" "What's so important?"" "Before, I thought it would be a big party." "Everybody will dance and have a good time." "And then we'd go home, take aspirin, go to bed, and that's that." " Till death do us part." " Right." " It was your idea, Steve." " I know, but something happened." "I think it was the rice." "We never even got to the rice." "We never got to "Here Comes the Bride."" "But I saw them passing it out." "Bags that people would throw at us for getting married." "A church is bad luck." "What were we doing in a church?" "When was the last time you were in a Cadillac?" "I don't even drive." "I wish you wouldn't try to explain this." "You'll only make it worse." "It just wasn't right." "Any of it." "Okay?" "It was like being on another planet." "Tuxedos and rice and Cadillacs and churches." " What does that have to do with us?" " It's a ceremony." "It's just a symbol." "You're not supposed to analyze it." "You just do it." "In the '60s, they had an alternative." "It was like, "Well, let's get married in the meadow, just us and God some spaced-out witnesses." They had that." "What have we got?" "All right." "Maybe you're right." "We should have done it in a bank with a word processor and lawyers." "Maybe in Central Park on Rollerblades." "We should have done a lot of things." "But the point is, we didn't." "We didn't do it." "We didn't do it, did we?" "No." "No." "Right." "Okay." "That's it." "Enough." "I'm finished." "I'll get the rest of it on Saturday." "Don't go." "I'll call early." "Will you be here Saturday?" " Come on." "Don't..." " Will you be here or not?" " Don't go like this." " Like what?" "Like this." "Like this." "Don't start, please." "Don't touch me, okay?" " Come on." " Don't touch my boo-boo." " Look, just sit down so we can talk." " I don't wanna talk." " Don't talk." "Just sit down." " I don't wanna sit down." "Okay, don't sit down." "Just stand there." "Just stand there for a minute." "I don't have a minute." "I have to go." " Why do you have to be so difficult?" " Me?" " Give me a minute." " What's gonna happen?" "Just give me a minute." "It's been going on for years." "You think it will change?" " I'm only asking for a minute!" " You think a miracle will happen?" "You see what I'm talking about?" "You never give anything a chance!" " I never give anything a chance?" " One way." "You see everything one way." "I bought the fucking dress." "I sent out the invitations." "I worked on the menu." " One and one is two." " I don't give things a chance." "So things don't work out that way, that's all." "What's the big deal?" "I believed in you." "I believed you." "That's the big deal." "Are there rules?" "I'm crazy to think you know what you're saying." "Everything happens a certain way?" "Bullshit!" " You're stupid and blind." " You don't know anything." " I'm not stupid." " Would you listen to me?" " You listen!" " Why does it always have to be you?" " I stand around like an idiot." " And it's always my fault." "I'm sick of you." "Okay?" "You get the hell away from me." "You son of a bitch!" "Get out of my life!" " I'm sick of you." " Get out and stay out!" "You want the truth?" "Nothing." " You won't even know I'm not there." " Nothing." "Nothing!" " That's all I am to you." "Nothing?" " You're nothing to me." " Nothing?" " Right." "Right." "Okay." "One minute." "I have this number for Monica." "Is she there?" "What?" " Hello?" " Hi, it's me." "Hello?" "Monica?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hi." "I'm not in." "You know what to do." "Monica?" "I know you're..." "Fuck." "Hello." "Hello?" "Hello!" "I did, and now I do." "I always have." "I smoke, okay?" "Account 1-3-3." "I want two parmigiana sandwiches." "I want a large pepperoni." "I want four cheesecakes." "Monica, it's Steve." "I think I'm pregnant, and it's yours." "You should call me." "Please." "Just talk to me." "I miss you so much." "Come on." "Please." "Please talk to me." "I know you're thinking about me  because I'm thinking about you all the time." "Every day, every minute." "I'm sorry for hurting you." "I didn't mean to hurt you." "I just gotta see you." "Please." "I gotta see you." "I gotta touch you." "It was hard." "It wasn't easy." " I ran into people." " They'd tell me things." " What she was doing." " What he was up to." "I didn't want to know." "I wanted to know, but I didn't want to." "I didn't want to hear it, especially if it was good." "Sometimes it was hard not to ask about her." " Even if I didn't want to hear anything." " That changed." "After a while, that stopped." "I think she moved." "She must have finally found a place." "I think he would have stopped calling." "I mean, even if he knew where I was." "I would have stopped calling." "I mean, eventually." "Somebody had to do something definite about it." "I think we had to make a clean break." " People stopped talking." " I stopped asking." "But I kept thinking about him." "She was still on my mind at least once a day." " You do something." " You go someplace." " You see somebody." " Or hear something." "I thought, "If I could go one day without his name going through my head."" "This was months later." "That was after a year." "Then you start to think, "I should just call him."" "I thought of calling." " To see how he is." " Find out how she was doing." "Say, hello." " But I didn't." " I never did it." "I never figured out what was wrong with us." "There was never a real problem." "Nothing you could put your finger on." "You know, to this day, I don't know why we broke up." "I don't know why it didn't work." "We were really stupid." "And I think we were in love." "We were really in love." "Yep." "Well, that didn't help." "That made it tougher." "It was harder to let go." "You have this experience of feeling something so strong, so good." "And as bad as it gets, you can't forget that." "You always think that tomorrow it will be the way it was before." "And the memory gets stronger and stronger and it just makes every day worse and worse." "I think that whole love thing really did us in." "It screwed everything up." "I woke up one day, and I realized that I hadn't thought about him for weeks." "I don't know what I did." "I wasn't doing anything." "But whatever I was doing, I wasn't thinking about him at all." "Hi." "George." "I don't know when it was, but it was just one day." " It just sort of occurred to me." " It just dawned on me." " I sort of realized it." " I knew it was over." "I sort of realized that it was finished." "It was." "I didn't think it was you." " No?" " No, I didn't." " Who did you think it was?" " Not anybody." "Just not you." " Well, you look terrific." " Thanks." "Oh, my God." " You don't have to make a fuss." " I'm not." "Okay, but they are adorable." "My babies, they're adorable." "Steve, look at this." "Look at this." "This one is Monica." "I call her Moniquita." "And this is Elizabeth." "There's two of them." "Elizabeth's older." "Anyway, I wanted you to see them." "What does he do, your husband?" "Electronics." " No Renoir?" "No Gauguin?" " No, electronics." "Well, sort of." "He does temperature testing for computer parts." "He invented it." "It's a way of testing computer parts to see how much heat they can withstand." "Good." "I know." "But he does well." "What about you?" "How you doing?" " Me?" "I'm good." " You still working?" "Yes." "I stopped for a year." "For the kids." "And I went back to school." "I got my master's degree." "French literature." "Twentieth century." "The good stuff." "That's right." "That's terrific, you know?" " How about you?" " I'm good." "I'm great." " How's the studio?" " Finally moved." "Michael got to me." "We're downtown with the boys." " Well, that's excellent." " Thank you." " Why are you in Santa Barbara?" " A film, Artichoke." "We're very near Castroville here." " I don't do much still stuff anymore." " That's terrific." "We do, like educational, documentary stuff." "But I actually did take some stills recently." "They're very nice." "Would you like to see them?" "Yeah, I'd love to see them." "Organically grown." "Your Honor." " Oh, my God." " Yep." "That's what I said." "Look at him." " Is it a him?" " No, it's a girl." " She's just a baby." " Six months." " You didn't tell me." " No, I..." " You didn't tell me either." " She's beautiful." " Yeah, you think so?" " I can't believe you did this." "Not hard." "I had years of practice." "Some with you." "No, it is hard." "But it's funny." "Because after you do it, you wonder:" ""Why did you wait so long?"" "That's enough." "It's disgusting anyway." "I don't show them to anybody anymore." "They smile, but they hate it." "Is she good to you?" " The baby?" " The wife." " Oh, yeah." " Dumb question." "Not at all." "I know what you mean." "But she is, yes." "I used to do that." "I used to ask people if they were happy or stuff like that." "I don't do it anymore." "It's stupid, and it's none of my business." "Are you happy?" "Yeah, I am." "I am happy." "That's great." "I worry a lot." "I think maybe I should have been smarter." "I think I did it all wrong." "I should have..." "I don't know if I can give them what they need." "You know?" "Sometimes I think I don't even know if I know what they need." "That's okay, really because I enjoy trying." "Sometimes I think it's working." "Sometimes not." " Sometimes it's best not to think." " Right." "Just do it." "Funny, isn't it?" "You know?" "I feel more alone now." "That surprised me." "That really did." "There's so much more going on." "People and work and the baby, and it's all good." "But I still feel more alone." "Well, it doesn't get any easier." "Listen it's getting late." "Yeah, I better get moving." "Yeah, I got an early flight." " You're leaving tomorrow?" " Yeah." "Well, it was good to see you." "It was good to see you too." "I'm gonna have the worst hangover." "I better go, huh?" "Yeah." "So do you have any good or bad breakup stories you can tell?" "The lowest  would have been the guy right before him  who asked me to marry him and then went away  and wanted me to visit him." "I called him to firm up the details, and a woman answered the phone." "And this was at midnight, and she tried to wake him up." "He was in a drunken stupor and could not be awakened." "He called the next day and said, "Honey, I'm sorry. "" "I said, "You asked me to marry you." "What were you doing with a woman after proposing to me?"" "And he said, "Darling, we're not married yet. "" "The worst breakup I ever had took two years." "I moved across the country, 3000 miles away." "He followed me, and when he left, we were back together." "But by the time he made it to New York, we had somehow broken up again." "He got a girl pregnant." "I'm always..." "Spread my wings and fly." "Does it every time." "And even then, he still wanted to go out with me." "He was gonna marry her, but he said we'd still stay the same  meaning we'd still be together because at this point, we were together." "My girlfriend and I used to e-mail each other." "It was a romantic thing we did when we went to different schools." "One night I got home, and she broke up with me over e-mail." "And the reason that she gave me was that she had met someone else  over e-mail."