"Transcript : evarin Subtitles : ouazo" "Looking back, I fucked some things up." "Maybe a lot of things." "My whole life even." "Except for the parts what hadn't bee fucked up for me before I was even born." "Weren't my fault what happened to Poppy." "All I'd done was try and help her, same as I would've anyone." "I'm not Mother Teresa but that's how it was." "Morning, Elliott." "It all happened at the Dorothy Fisher Day Hospital For Dribblers." "Morning, everyone, what a glorious day." "Oh, fuck right off." "Pretty scarf, Tina." "Everyone talks like it started with Poppy." "Morning." "But really it started before she arrived." "Fucking bitch!" "Brian, is everything all right?" "Pollyanna's been discharged." "She's what?" "She can't be." "How do you know?" "Are you certain?" "First thing this morning I saw her leaving as I came in..." "Just like that, I can't believe it." "They told her she'd be certified normally." "Discharged with immediate effect." "She wasn't normal last night, she was high as the sky last night." "How has she turned normal all of a sudden?" "Must be the counselling." "Yeah, and the medication." "Or the good Lord doing a fucking miracle." "Come on, they're no fools, those doctors." "I'm glad someone thinks so." "They'll cure us and ship us out next." "Pollyanna should have a right to appeal." "Who's Pollyanna?" "She's gone, don't worry." "I want to know how come she got cured so sudden." "We should ask Rhona." "No point bothering with Rhona." "Well, Tony then." "No, you need to go to the top." "Don't waste time on people with no authority." "Look what you done!" " Who's gone?" " Pollyanna." "We need to rise above the local managers and get to the heart of the issue." " What's he say?" " Turn your headphones down!" "I have a contact at the ministry." " Bollocks he does!" " I do." " Fuck off." " Ministry for madness." "A friend of my brother's was at school with him, he knows everyone from the Minister down." "What if she's not cured?" "Doctors don't make mistakes, do they?" "She was jealous." "Give me Northern Ireland, give me Transport any day." "Education, even." "I can't believe she's gone." "Who's gone?" "N, Tony wants to see you." "Nothing to worry about." "Just for a moment." "In the interview room." "So..." "How are you?" "Everything all right?" "Whatever." "Well, look, N, I won't beat about the bush, how would you like to do a job for me?" "We've a new patient arriving on Monday and I want you to show her around." "Her name's Poppy Shakespeare." "Shakespeare?" "Fucking hell, I bet she's smart." "No, I ain't up to it, Tony." "Sorry, but I ain't." "Does my head in that sort of thing." "Why are you asking me for, anyway, I don't know nothing." "Yes, you do." "And we think it might help you, N." "You need to connect with people." "I don't trust no-one though, do I?" "You trust me, I hope, N." "I've never let you down, have I?" "And Poppy will be new to all this." "Imagine how she must feel." "She needs someone in the know, an expert." "'"What nobody else would do," he said." "'Nobody else in the whole world knows as much about dribbling as I did.'" "Fact is, I've been dribbling all me life, my mum was a dribbler and her mum before her." "By 13, I'd been diagnosed with everything in the book." "Don't get me wrong, I ain't after the sympathy vote, just saying, for once Tony had a fair point, so I had to agree." "Next day Pollyanna topped herself, jumped of suicide bridge at 2am." "Found by a cyclist." ""Lucky she didn't hit him," says Wesley." "In case you don't know, the Dorothy Fish is one floor of a big hospital and the madder you are, the higher up you're gone." "Morning." "You're early." "Meeting someone, ain't I?" "Lift stopped at the 7th floor but everyone knows there are loads more floors than that." "They said that if you ever went any higher, you never come back, you disappeared like crap up the hose of a Hoover." "As you get better, they move you down one floor until you get to the Dorothy Fish and you get your own flat on the Dartwoods Estate, come in at 9-4." "See, we've got the best of both worlds." "We get all the help and meds you need but the rest of the time, you do what the fuck you want." "I tell you, mate, you so much as lay a finger on me, I'll sock you." "Bringing in a new patient." "And who's she then?" "She's the new patient." "She's a psychiatric patient?" "Thank you." "Name?" "Poppy Shakespeare." "Over there." "I..." "I've been asked..." " Welcome to the Dorothy Fish." " Forget it, I ain't staying." "I want to see the manager and get this thing fucking sorted." "I've got a kid!" "Right, follow me." "I'll take you to meet Tony, first, he's in charge." "And probably you'll see the doctors." "I don't give a fuck who I see, as long as they get me out of here." "Are you neurotic, psychotic or what?" "Let's get one thing straight, right, I'm not a nutter." "There's nothing whatever wrong with my head, got it?" "You're not supposed to smoke down here, the staff don't like it." "Yeah, what are you going to do about it, chuck me out?" "I'm saying the staff don't like it, smoke in the common room, we all do." "Who did you say you was?" "Supposed to show you round and everything, be your guide." "Tony said it would do me good." "I thought you were staff." "Like a nurse?" "You thought I was a nurse." "Sorry." "Listen, that thing I said about not being a nutter, well, I'm sorry, I didn't realise." "I haven't got a problem with mental illness, there's nothing the matter with me." "Don't worry about that, they must think you is mad, or you wouldn't be here." "One with the head-phone set reckons she's mad. ***I don't reckon he's mad." "It don't matter what do you think, is what they think what matters." "This is it, that's a start." "You've got to wait in here." "Thanks." "I'll tell him you're here." "What I said about not thinking he's mad..." "Don't say nothing to them about it, not at the moment," "I mean it's up to you, the doctors might pick up on it." "Best to stick to your other symptoms." "Right." "Thank you." "I could see why Tony had picked me to be her guide." "She really did have a fuck of a lot to learn." "Bless her." "I think it's fucking diabolical, Pollyanna ain't even cold and they're moving someone in to her chair." "Fuck's sake!" "What's she like then?" "All right." "Where's she from?" "I know some Shakespeares in Wiltshire." "I think if I'm not very much mistaken," "I ran into her at Henley a few years back." "Get off me!" "Get off me!" "You all right?" "Fellow patients, service users, comrades... it gives me great pleasure to welcome Poppy, on behalf of the patients' council." "The Dorothy Fish prides itself on being at the forefront of modern mental health care." "The patients' council, of which I'm the elected representative, is here to represent your interests and to protect us all in this time of great change, a dangerous time for all psychiatric patients." "As many of you know, the government has plans to privatise our hospitals." "The message is simple, madness must pay." "And anything that stands in a way of profit must be dispensed with." "But we must fight these proposals." "Madness is our heritage, it's our cultural identity, it's not have to be traded on the Stock Exchange." "That's right, off we go, Michael." "Bitch." "It belongs to us, the service users." "The underclass!" "The madmen!" "What the fuck was that all about?" "He always goes on like that, no-one pays notice to be honest." "Boring!" "What did they say to you, then?" "They says I've got to stay a month." "Don't worry, they're bound to extend it, they always do." "The look on your face, I thought they turned you away." "I'm not being rude but are you fucking stupid?" "I need to get out of here." "Get out?" "You just arrived." "There's nothing wrong with me." "So why are you here then?" "I didn't have a choice." "You've always got a choice." "You might not feel like..." "I don't have a choice, it's compulsory." "No, day patients ain't compulsory." "Well, I am." "They say if I don't come every day, they will have to admit me as an in-patient." "What did Tony say, N, when he asked you to be her guide?" "Did he say anything?" "Oh, fuck me, she's sulking." "Fuck off!" "Wanking!" "Look, I'm sorry about what I said yesterday, it was a bad day." "Do you mind if I sit here?" "Just need a bit of sane conversation." "Fucking hell!" "You know these last two days, can't get my head round it." "I said to them yesterday, I said, "You've brought me here, so why don't you tell me what's wrong?"" ""That's for you to tell us," they said." ""These things take time."" "I said, "I haven't got time, I've got to earn a living," "I can't be sat on my arse all day."" "This morning, I take Saffy to school, go straight back home," "I'm just ringing up the agency to see what's come in when my buzzer goes." "I push the thing and all the police rush up the stairs." ""Come with us," they said." ""You're meant to be up here." I said, "Do I look like a nutter?"" "And they handcuffed me and brought me here." "Give you a jab up the arse?" "No." "You was lucky, then." "They usually do." "Lots of people are waiting for the places, that's why they're funny about it." "The waiting list goes on for fucking ever." "People go on it when they're b... ..born" "Drawing their pension before they've moved up three places." "I heard right, if Jesus had been put on the list when he was born, he'd still only be at 357." "Fuck off!" "We're just the lucky ones." "The lucky ones." "So, what's this bloke do, then?" "Banker Bill?" "Trades meds." "What?" "Buys and sells meds." "Where does he get them from?" "OK, look, Astrid's on Plutoperidol, right?" "They give her so much, she saves her path and trades it off Bill for butts." "You're joking?" "Straight up." "Look, he's bald." "Dead strict here, is Bill." "This one time, Carrie Bob gave him Moscasell and tried to make out it was Minozine on account they look the same." "That's them straight off." " N?" " What?" "You know that patients rights thing that bloke was talking about?" "Do you think they'd be able to help me get out of here?" "Oh, I don't know." "There must be someone who can help me?" "That lot mostly helps sort people's mad money rates out, that's all." "Mad money?" "Benefits, innit?" "Oi, Fag Ash, I got a new patient." "I'm supposed to be showing her around." "Tony said." "What can I do for you ladies?" "This is Poppy Shakespeare." "Welcome to the second floor." " All right?" " We have an excellent selection today." "Minozine, Cerberum, Plutoperidol, Phlegyapam." "Not a mark on them." "Look at that." "Beautiful, she is." "What's it for?" "Minozine?" "It's an anti-depressant." "It stops you feeling things so much." "Dampens you down a bit." "Try it." "I'm all right." "No, no, no." "No charge." "On the house." "I'm fine, thanks." "I know, worried about your figure, are you?" "Well, they can make you put on." "Not that you need to worry." "How about Cerberum?" "Also an appetite suppressant." "No, I don't want to get into that." "All right." "I tell you what, you buy one of these Phlegyapam and I'll throw in the others for nothing." "4 for the price of 1." "You don't have to swallow." "You pull it apart and snort the powder." "That's what I do, anyway." "Look, it's very kind of you, but no." "All right, you win." "You win for sheer persistence." "Take her." "Go on, take her." "Bad business, I know but, hey, I'm a softie." "Fucking hell, Poppy, you know what you was doing." "'Ere, take it." "For me?" "It's fucking gold dust." "It's all right." "Take it, really." "Would you do something for me, then?" "Course." "Help me get out of here." "I mean, there must be someone I can go to, like..." "The solicitor on the Darkwoods estate, specialises in dribblers." "I'll take you there if you want, Monday morning." "So, how long have you been at the Dorothy Fish?" "Since I were old enough." "My mum was a dribbler herself." "Yeah, she was always in and out of hospital." "When she weren't hanging off bridges, slashing her wrists up, popping pills and shit." "Till one night, Frimley Station, not that it matters, she jumped in front of a train and that was the end of it." "Oh God, I'm so sorry, N." "No, it's just what it is, that's all." "You go off down there, is it?" "Well, I'll see you Monday, then." "Have a good weekend." "Bye." "Sorry, N, have you been waiting long?" "No, it's all right." "Safra's teacher wanted to speak to me." "Who?" "Safra." "My daughter?" "Oh yeah, right." "I forgot you had a kid." "Shall we go in?" "Hello." "Hello." "Peter Flea, how do you do?" "Come in, sit down." "Please, take a seat." "Hello, how do you do?" "So, I ..." "I understand you've been admitted to the Dorothy Fish?" "Yeah." "So how can I help you?" "OK, right, um." "Two weeks ago, I lost my job." "I was a receptionist at HKHB." "The ad agency." "So I started looking at courses and training programmes and stuff and I found this helpline, some kind of government training initiative called New Strategies." "Right." "You had to go into a booth and sit at a computer and answer questions like, you know, age, name, qualifications." "I thought, I'm not going to get very far with two GCSEs." "But I filled it all in and this thing came up saying, congratulations, you're through to level 2." "And the next level was your interests and your preferences." "What does this shape mean to you?" "Stuff like that." "Anyway, um, by the time I got through to level seven, there was only three of us left out of, like, hundreds." "And then what happened?" "Then I went home and, erm..." "The next day, I got this letter asking me to come for an interview." "I was all excited, thinking I had a place on the course." "But when I got in there..." "Take your time." "When I got in there, they said they had looked at the tests, and they had some concerns about my answers." "That they indicated a severely disordered personality." "Oh dear." "That I needed treatment immediately and they'd found me a place." "And then they took me outside to this ambulance and drove me straight to the Dorothy Fish." "They asked me to be her guide and look after her and everything." "I'd done my best, didn't I, Poppy?" "I done my best." "They say if I don't come every day they'll section me and put me on the wards, but I've got a kid." "Please, you've got to help me get out of there." "Dreadful business." "Absolutely shocking." "Well, no doubt about it, you've got a very strong case." "Very strong indeed." "I do?" "Thank fuck for that." "At last!" "Yes, yes, yes indeed." "Yes." "First things first, bit boring, I know, but let's do some paperwork." "So I take it you're receiving mad money?" "Well, that's the first thing, unless you have savings you can access?" "Don't even go there." "I'm 12 grand in debt." "And that's apart from my loan." "I'm on mad money, midline middle." "Have been for years." "Well, I'm afraid that doesn't really help us." "Yeah, but why would I be on it?" "I'm not mad." "I know it doesn't seem to make sense, but that's the way it works." "You must be receiving mad money to access the mad law purse." "That's how the system's funded." "As things stand, I'm afraid I can't represent you." "These cases cost incredible amounts of money." " But you just said I had a strong case." " And so you do." "You do." "But it will be difficult to prove." "Look, why don't you apply for mad money straight away, get the ball rolling." "You're perfectly entitled..." "Forget it!" "No fucking way!" "I know it's crazy." "You have to declare yourself mentally ill to prove that you're not mentally ill, but there you are." "I don't make the laws." "What the fuck did you bring me here for?" "Are those shoes real or imitation?" "I had a pair like that once." "Well, similar, but a different heel." "How often do you lot see the doctors?" "Once a year for annual assessment." "What about other stuff in between?" "We don't normally see them in between, unless it's to change medication." "Yeah, but I'm not on medication." "Then you don't need to see them, do you?" "How do they know you're getting better if they never see you?" "How can they tell?" "We're all formally assessed every year for the doctors to evaluate our progress." "Medication, treatment and level of care is determined accordingly..." "Tell her about the mirrors." " We don't know that!" " Well, we're pretty certain!" "There's a mirror on the wall of the assessment room and it's been suggested it might be one of those two-way mirrors with a secret viewing room behind." "Like ID parades." "We don't have conclusive evidence." "I heard them in there and so has Candid." "What?" "I smelt cigarette smoke and none of the doctors were smoking." "Verna seen them selling tickets down the tube station." "Saturday morning, junior doctors selling tickets." "It was probably a raffle." "A pound a ticket or six for a fiver." "I heard them saying it's the best laugh in town." "And they said you get free drinks, and all." "All for a quid?" " That ain't bad value." " They should charge more, man." "Fuck patient's rights." "I'd sell my rights if they gave me a gun!" "All Poppy wanted was to get away from me." "She never knew how lucky she was." "There's a lot worse places to be a dribbler than Dorothy Fish," "I can tell you." "I should know because I've been in most of them." "When I was a kid, I got moved around more than pass-the-fucking-parcel." "Foster homes and that." "They placed me every which way." "I never seemed to fit into the world of sniffs." "In the end, they give up." "Stuck me in this home for dribbler kids." "It was all right because no one told you to sit up straight or smile at the neighbours." "Anyway, next day, the shit hit the fan." "Hello, everybody." "Just a quick word." "I'm pleased to announce that, as part of our new customer care initiative, assessments will now be monthly instead of yearly." "Check your pigeon holes for your own date and time and don't forget, you must bring a urine sample with you." "Now, it's nothing to worry about." "The doctors just want to see you more often, that's all." "What for?" "They want to know how you're getting on, Astrid." "Check you're making progress." "We're just making a few small changes." "There's absolutely no need for alarm." "And if anybody is particularly concerned, by all means, come and see me in my office." "Or me, at any time." "Remember, we are here to help." "What the fuck is that all about?" "I bet they run out of tickets, they sold so many." "I bet there's sniffs queuing round the block for that viewing room." "No, it's since Pollyanna died they want to keep a closer eye on us, make sure we all OK." "The whole thing stinks of government." "Evidence-based health care, that's the word at the moment." "This government is obsessed with results." " Who's Pollyanna?" " Bollocks!" "All right?" "I've rung everyone I can think of." "My friends." "My dad." "Do you know, no one will lend me a penny?" "Not even Natalie, my best friend." "Oh, right." "She said, to be honest, she could see it coming after Dud left." "Single mum, skint." " Lost my job." " Who's Dud?" "Safra's dad." "We broke up six months ago." "So I just have to wait the month out." "You know, it's three more weeks." "I'll just have to do it." "Nothing else for it." "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong, N." "Why have you changed the assessments?" "Are you worried about it, N?" "No." "There's no need to worry." "I ain't worried." "Got no reason to worry." "I don't care if they do kick me out." "Let me assure you, no one is going to discharge you." "Not until you're ready." "I guarantee it." "You discharged Pollyanna." "Pollyanna was different." "I can't discuss Pollyanna." "The last thing we're going to do is discharge you, N." "We're very concerned about you." "You're not going to send me up the wards, are you?" "We're keeping you exactly where you are." "We'd hardly have made you a guide if we were about to get rid of you, would we?" "How are you getting on with Poppy?" "Good, yeah." "We've become friends, like you said." "Excellent." "And how is she settling in?" "Er, OK, I reckon." "Yep." "Really?" "I know she goes on about wanting to get out and all that." "She does." "I reckon that's just all part of it." "Part of her illness, yeah?" "I see, yes." "Part and parcel of her condition." "But, in fact, you think that she's actually settling in quite well at the Dorothy Fish?" "In your opinion?" "N?" "If I told em Poppy wanted out, they'd think it was because of my guiding." "As she was pleased with my guiding, that would've been dishonest." "Later that week, Tina got discharged." "She never killed herself." "She just went home and slashed her arms up." "Locked the door, wouldn't let no one in." "Tony wanted to see me." "Yeah?" "Yeah, he says they're concerned how I'm coping." "Worried that I'm getting stressed." "I said, of course I'm fucking stressed!" "I wouldn't be stressed if they let me out of here." "At least he's worried about you." "At least they care." "If I was you, I'd be grateful." "Sorry, N." "I know it's different for you." "Hey, you know what?" "You should try a bit of make-up." "You've got lovely eyes." "You just need a bit of mascara, some eyeliner maybe." "Shut up." "Don't be embarrassed." "I ain't embarrassed, am I?" "You've got a good face, N." "Bit of blusher to bring out your cheek bones." "I'll do it for you, if you want." "Pop round over the weekend, I'll give you the works." "For fuck's sake, Poppy, it's assessments on Monday." "I've got to get ready!" "Poppy had no idea how much work was involved on assessments weekend." "I prided myself on being best." "It was like being the best at anything." "It takes hard work and preparation." "The area has so much potential, yet it still retains its purity." "It is said the locals have been surfing here for over 100 years." "Hi, Sasha, show me the nails." "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A model like Jordan." "Why Jordan?" "She's pretty and she's, like, a model and I want to be a model, as well." "Now, what about other kids at school, what do they say?" "Some of them are jealous." "But they just get over it." "I just tell them to give me a break." "What would happen..." "Right, good afternoon, everybody." "In last week's session, we were looking at ways we sometimes communicate without saying precisely what we mean." "Does anyone remember?" "Anyone?" "Hinting, insinuation." "Thank you, Michael." "All right." "Well, today I thought we'd try a bit of non-verbal communication." "So, I want you all to stand up and get into pairs and come into the middle." "Right." "Well, N, you can come with me!" "We're going to do an exercise called mirroring." "So, whatever I do, N has to copy me as if she were my mirror image." "That's right, N, good." "Yes, excellent!" "So, everyone, are we ready?" "Three minutes and no talking." "And...begin." "Jesus, you all right?" "They said I've got to do another six months." "Six fucking months!" "No talking!" "Weren't nothing I said, Poppy." "Look at me." "I look like shit." "Been up all night trawling the net for different lawyers." "They all say exactly the same thing " ""You need a mental health specialist."" "That's what I'm saying, I'm not mentally ill." "And they hang up, mostly." "Unless they are a mental health specialist, then they can't help because I'm not registered for MAD money." "That makes sense." "Not being funny, they got to make sure you're a genuine case." "Yeah, but I'm not, am I?" "That's the point." "Anyway, got to do something to get out of here." "It's totally doing my head in." "Will you help me?" "Yeah, of course." "I'll pick up forms for you." "Tell you what, why don't you come round on Saturday, eh?" "Fill them in over a bottle of wine." "'Hey, N, come on up.'" "All right?" "Just making a drink for Saffra, won't be a sec." "Take your coat off, make yourself at home." "Found it OK, didn't think I would, ran all the way." "Oh." "Backpack weighs a ton." "Got all the forms in it." "Sweating like a pig." "Hey, Saffra, you're supposed to be in bed, aren't you?" "Didn't see you." "All right?" "Say hello to N." "Saffra." "Come on." "Come on!" "She's supposed to be going to Dud's this weekend, but she's got a sore throat, haven't ya?" "Probably this business with me." "You know, kids pick up on things." "Come on, let's get you into bed." "Mummy will sing you a song while she's tucking you in, yeah?" "Won't be a minute." "There are seven parts." "Part one, that's just your personal details." "Part two, information about your illness." "Your diagnosis and what medication you's on." "Part three, why you reckon you's been hard done by." "Jesus." "Part four, any worse than anyone else." "Part five, why you deserve taxpayer's money and part six, what that implies about you." "Then part seven, why you can't pull yourself together." "You can use my lucky biro." "Right." "What are these, then?" "They're olives." "Thought they were peas." "Anyway, what you doing?" "Just filling in my name." "Not like that!" "You gotta scrawl it." "No, it says block capitals." "Fuck that, you're supposed to be mentally ill." "Try it with your other hand." "They won't be able to read it!" "Trust me." "They don't send it out, you got to dribble for it." "More like this!" "Oh, my God." "That's it." "Got any crisps?" " I'm not putting down I foul the bed." " Get it down, girl." "Surely you can be mentally ill without incontinence of the bowel." "It ain't got nothing to do with mental illness." "You're giving the sniffs what they want." "Like an exchange." "We shitting the bed and dribbling everywhere makes them feel better about themselves." "Public service, that's what it is." "You got to have dribblers, or you won't have sniffs." "So what are sniffs for, then?" "To pay our benefits." "And they want their money's worth." "You've got it all worked out, haven't ya?" "Whatever." "Oh, bugger, I've gone over the edge." "How about pissing the bed, then?" "How about that?" "All right, fuck it." "How do I even write this?" "What do you think?" "That's a bit patchy." "God, they need filing." "Here." "Let me do it." "Fellow patients." "I received a letter this morning, the contents of which concerns all." "It's from Dave Franks, up in Barnet, he's set up a pressure group." "Heard of a pressure cooker!" "A what?" "It's to campaign about premature discharges." "Perhaps I should wait for Brian." "Just fucking get on with it!" " I can't see!" " Turn your headphones down." "I said I can't see, I can hear OK." "Shut up!" ""Dear All, as most of you know, by selling off mental health services," ""the Government stand to raise some quick cash." ""Already potential buyers have begun sniffing around," ""led by the pharmaceutical companies." ""To avoid the threat of closure," ""hospitals are discharging patients as fast as they can" ""to up their success and deficiency rates," ""spurred on by the promise of performance-related bonuses" ""for key staff members."" "So, you see, it's not just us, it's all over the country." "What are we going to do about it?" "If they're so fucking keen to discharge us, why not start with me?" "I mean, I volunteered." "Repeatedly." "I don't believe it!" "Tony would never discharge anyone unless he thought they were truly well." "Oh, bollocks he would." "He'd sell his own grandmother for sixpence!" "Tony may be under pressure from higher up the greasy pole." "If he's received Government directives to pursue a..." "We must get into the viewing room." "Listen to their meetings." "That would be a help." "Me and Sue went looking last night." "It's a broom cupboard next to the assessment room." "It's locked and you never see the cleaners using it." "We heard a noise coming out of it." " Sort of humming." " Or a whirring." "Ever so faint, it was." "Could be the hoover." "Inside the cupboard?" "Hardly." " It weren't that loud." " Wait a minute!" "It's obvious!" "What is?" "A cameraman!" "They've got a cameraman in here, and they're making a dribbler Big Brother!" "They're voting us out, one a week." "Please vote for me!" "Please!" "I'm begging ya!" "I'll take all my clothes off." "Hey, I'll even sleep with Michael." "Fucking hell, Poppy!" "You are live on Channel 4." "Please refrain, refrain!" "Please refrain from swearing!" "Poppy's starting to get the hang of it." "Once she made the effort to fit in, she done all right." "For a bit there, it looked like it was all going to be OK." "There you are, I was wondering where you was." "D'you get your results?" "What you get?" "Middle-oh-middle, I bet." "Wankers." "Weren't nothing wrong with that form." "What am I going to do now?" "That was my best shot, Poppy, ain't my fault." "So you can't blame me, eh?" "It ain't like you got a long record, is it?" "I've been self-harming since the age of two." "Tried to top meself at 14." " Been sectioned more times..." " I can't cope with this." "I'm going to fucking pieces." "I've been banking on this." "The only thing that's kept me going." "Just get on the register, get a lawyer, get fucking out!" " Keep your voice down!" " Some she chucks up her lunch." "Big fucking deal!" "So does half of London." "Natalie's been bulimic for years." "She doesn't get paid for it." "And what's wrong with Wesley?" "What is stopping him from getting a job?" " He's got problems." " I've got problems!" "We have all got problems!" "It's whether you make a career out of 'em!" "My mum used to say comparing makes you depressed." "There's always somebody madder than you." "I've got to get this mad money, yeah?" "I've got to." "Please help me." "Let me have a think." "Can't believe we're coming here on a weekend." "I'm sick of this fucking place." "Trust me, you're gonna love it." "It's the only chance you get to go to the 7th floor and come back again." "All right, girls?" "Look at you." "Check that outfit." "Have you got make-up on?" " Fuck off." " She's got make-up on." "She's got make-up on!" "Evening, Professor." "Sorry, boys." "Not enough room for us all." "You'll have to get the stairs." "This is Poppy, Professor." "Poppy Shakespeare." "Delighted to meet you." "The professor's writing a book." "History of the hospital." "Going back since like, forever." "Actually, you might be able to help us." "We was looking for proof." "Ah." "Proof, eh?" " We got to prove Poppy's mad." " I'm not mentally ill." "I need to prove I am to get me on the way to prove I'm not." "So how do you prove you's mad?" "Well..." "You are presupposing one accepts proof itself as a viable concept." "Fucking 'ell." "All right, let us suppose that rather than proof, which may lie beyond our reach, one is striving instead for the appearance of proof." "You see, according to Plato, what surrounds us is not reality, but the appearance of reality." "Fuck sake." "Imagine this lift is a cave and we're chained together." "Might as well be." "Bloody lift." "It's dark, and there's a small fire throwing shadows onto the walls." "And we've never been outside the cave." "But suppose one of us escapes..." "Yeah, I've heard about that." "One of the men escapes from the cave and sees the world outside, right?" "That's right." "Yet, if he returned to the cave to tell his brothers about that reality outside, he would be the object of ridicule." "Of disbelief." "Of hostility." "They'd say he was mad." "Exactly." "I might as well not have been there, seeing as you're so smart." "Fucking hell, N." "What's this place?" "Don't need my help no more, do you?" "Oh don't be silly, N. Course I need you." "We was just talking." "All right?" "Girls." "Hey." "Come on up." "Come on, girls." "You was right, N. They're amazing." "Said so, didn't I?" "That must be Primrose Hill." "And that's Highbury." "And that's Ally Pally." "Wicked." "On a clear day, you can see right around the world from up here." "Vodka and Minozine - takes the edge off." "Brings the colours up." "That's it, drink up." "You're one of us now." "So what took you so long, then?" "Lift got stuck." "She's talking to Professor, trying to get proof, innit, for her appeal." "Proof?" "Proof she's mad." "Out of it." "Tonto." "Easy, Poppy." "You just do mad things like we do, innit?" "I told her." "It's easy." "Stick with us and you'll soon get the hang of it." "Yeah." "Stick with us." "Next few weeks, they cleared out the second floor." "Had to make way for a conference centre." "Banker Bill took his business online." "The Dorothy Fish, they were discharging patients hand over fist." "But me and Poppy, we hung in there." "Oh God, look at the state of me." "You're all right." "Could you stop chewing your nails though, it makes me feel sick." "Don't know I'm doing it half the time." "It was Safra's parents' evening last night." "I couldn't go in." "Got to the school and Safra's like, come on, Mum." "But I couldn't move." "It was like I was paralysed or something." "I just couldn't face it." "Safra's in tears, and everyone was arriving and staring at me." "Edging away like I'd pissed on the pavement." "There, what d'you reckon?" "Yeah, it's great." " What's all these bags everywhere for?" " Oh, they're, erm..." "They're like clothes and things going to Oxfam." "Oxfam?" "There's some good stuff in here." "Yeah, I've been clearing out." "I can't bear all these things everywhere." "It's like it's weighing me down." "I just want to get rid of it." "You can take what you like." "Are you sure?" "Jeez, Poppy, give it a rest, it's bleeding." "What are you doing for Christmas, N?" "Dunno." "Dud's taking Safra skiing." "Or his parents are, they've hired a chalet." "Nice." "I won't see her for nearly three weeks, but... she really wanted to go, so..." "I couldn't come round yours, could I?" "Me?" "Please, N." "Never had a visitor before." " Half an hour should be enough, eh?" " What, for pasta?" "I should think so, N." "I'll give it another 10 minutes, be on the safe side." "Don't want to send you home sick, eh?" "Have a top up whilst you're waiting." "Is that you?" "Yeah, with me mum." "How old were you when she..." "She jumped in front of a train?" "12." "Oh God, I'm sorry, N." "It's not your fault." "My mum died a few years back." "God knows what it must have been like at that age." "Yeah, well come on, it's Christmas." "We should be having a laugh or something." "Here, look at this." "You shouldn't have." "That's alright." "Nicked it from Top Shop." "Wrapped it myself, though." "Go on, open it." "Thought it was about time you had a new one." "That one's a right state." "'Ere, try it on." "Bloody 'ell." "You been pulling your hair out?" "Blimey, steady on, girl." "No need to overdo it." "By February, Poppy was doing so good it would have taken a fucking expert to tell she was putting it on." "She'd taken to boiling the skin off her arms." "Pouring the water straight from the kettle." "On the ward, they upped assessments from once a month to once a fortnight." "To once a week." "Chucked out Wesley, Verna, Dawn, Candid Headphones, even." "Rosetta was only gone a week before she took off all her clothes in Paradise Park on morning." "They sectioned her back up to the 7th floor." "Everyone." "Everyone." "We've just had some wonderful news." "I've just the second come off the phone to the Ministry, and I'm thrilled, I'm delighted, above all, I'm honoured to be able to turn you that the Dorothy Fish has been shortlisted" "for Beacon of Excellence status." "In other words, thanks to you, thanks to all of you, the Dorothy Fish has been singled out as one of the highest performing day hospitals in the country." "Come on." "Applaud yourselves." "Tell each other, well done." "Well done!" "Well done, Brian." "Well done." "What do you want to do tonight?" "Fancy going into town for a meal or something?" "Go to the cinema?" "No, I don't feel up to it." "Sorry." "You don't go anywhere these days." "How about a DVD and a Chinese, then?" " I can't." " Why not?" "Because I'm meeting Dud tonight." "Dud?" "What're you meeting him for?" "He wants to talk about Safra." "Oh right." "And whatever Dud wants, Dud gets." "Michael." "What you doing there?" "Calling a meeting tonight." "Darkwood drop in. 7 o'clock." "You've got to be there." " What for?" " I can't tell you here." "Why the fuck not?" "Top secret." "It's a crisis." "Everyone's coming." "It's absolutely essential that you be there." "You too, Poppy." "7 o'clock." "Jesus." "He's turned into a fucking bum, now." "I suppose I'll have to go by myself, then." "Either that, or stay in sat on my own all night." "As Dud's so fucking important." "Oh don't, N. Please." "Please." "Alright, Rosetta?" "Candid?" "Zubin?" "Didn't recognise you." "Thought you was a pirate." "N, where's Poppy?" "I ain't her keeper." "What's going on?" "There's been a somewhat dramatic development." "What?" "It's about Poppy." "We can't blame N, though, can we?" "It's not her fault." "Ain't it?" "Ain't it?" "Cos I think she knew all along." " Course she knew." " Tony must have told her." "Nah." "Even if he did, don't make it her fault." "N would have told the rest of us." "Oh, bollocks would she." "So far up Tony's arsehole." "How come on, at least give her time to explain." "Quiet!" "It's all true, N." "Everything we thought." "There is a viewing room." "I know, because last night..." "I found it." "It lies beyond the broom cupboard, behind a secret door." "And whilst I was in there," "I found out the real reason why Poppy was brought to the Dorothy Fish." "It's all OK, Poppy." "IYou's normal." "You ain't mad at all." "Well, come on." "Wake up, I've got news." "It's me." "Open the door." "Michael's got proof." "He found the viewing room." "And all the doctors were talking about you." "We can get you out now." "And I'm going to come with ya." "We can live together." "Go on holidays." "There ain't nothing wrong with you." "You was right all along." "You's normal." "That's why they picked you, see?" "They needed someone normal." "They've been measuring us lot against you." "See who they could discharge, so as they could meet their target." "I'm saying there ain't nothing wrong with you." "They've been using you." "Oh fuck." "How could you do this to me?" "Morning." "Sorry, your name's not down on here." "Very funny." "It ain't." "It's a mistake, innit?" "Jesus." "Talk to Tony." "I can't do it, N." " Sorry, you can't go up." " Christ's sake, Sharon, it's me." "What you on?" "You don't run this place, you hand out the effing passes." "You want to go easy on them protein shakes, mate." "N. There you are." "I was hoping to catch you." "Save you the bother of coming all the way up." "Good news." "You're being discharged." "We've all been so pleased with your progress, N." "You've come on leaps and bounds these past months." " What?" " Yes." "Congratulations." "You must be thrilled." "Here are the things from your locker." "I can't..." "And this is your notice of discharge." "Your medication." "Your How To Cope pack." "And contacts for local support agencies." "I can't." "Tony said that he'd speak..." "Tony's in a meeting just now, but he joins me in wishing you all the very best in your new life." "We just know you're going to make a go of it, N." "You've been our star pupil." "Yes, you have." "And you're all ready now to go about there into the world." "Standing on your own two feet." "Shoulders back, chin up." "That's right." "The world is your oyster." "You could be anything you want, N, anything." "You have the power." "Take life by the horns." "Step into your dreams." "For three weeks after they kicked me out, all I'd done was lain in bed." "Didn't eat." "Didn't smoke." "Didn't take me meds, even." "Furthest I gone was the bathroom." "Taken a drink out of the tap." "N, it's me!" "Please open the door!" "Please." "Come on, N. I know you're in there." "Please let me in, N." "I know you think I let you down." "Thank you for saving me." "Tony says it's not true about me being normal." "Says if there's nothing wrong with me, then why did I take an overdose?" "Please open up, N!" "I've got no-one else to talk to." "Just say something, please." "Let me know you're all right." "I've got to go now." "Dud's bringing Safra round." "I'll come back tomorrow, yeah?" "Brought you some fags." "Bye." "All right, N." "I'll leave you alone, if that's what you want." "Fuck off, then." "Yeah, that's right." "Fuck off, like everybody else." "N, you've got to help me!" "Please, I'm begging you!" "I knew I could count on you!" "I'm sorry for leaving you like that." "I'm never leaving you ever again, right?" "Please open the door, N!" "Dud wants custody of Safra." "I've had a letter off his solicitor." "He says I can't take care of her." "Do you think that's true, N?" "Maybe I can't." "He says he's spoken to her teacher at school." "And she's started cutting herself." "Tony says I need to see the inspector from the Ministry." "She's coming to assessments tomorrow." "He says if I can convince her I'm all right, they'll discharge me, and then I can keep Safra." "N?" "What about those forms we filled in?" "What if she's seen them and thinks it's true?" "Please, N, please!" "Will you say it was you?" "I'll tell them you were helping me out!" "I'll say I was desperate!" "I mean, it is true, anyway!" "You will do it, won't you, N?" "You will help me?" "There's nothing wrong with me, is there?" "You said I was normal!" "You don't think I'm bad for Safra, do you, N?" "You don't think that she'd be better off without me, do you?" "N, they're going to take my little girl away!" "Poppy, wait!" "I had to do something." "Bastards had been using her to make the rest of us look normal." "So they could chuck us out." "I was going to look so fucking normal they'd have to listen to me." "No point having a dribbler turn up to tell everyone who's normal, is it?" "I wanted to make myself look nice for Poppy's sake." "Morning." "Fucking hell!" " What you doing here?" " Just visiting." "No law against that, is there?" "Thank you!" "I'm afraid you can't come in here." "No, I'm sorry, but this is a private meeting." "Are you a patient?" "Do I look like a mental patient?" "I'll have to ask you to leave." "I want to speak to Tony about Poppy." "N, you can't come in." "We've got the inspectors." "I need to speak to you about Poppy's assessment." "You're too late, N. Poppy's already been assessed." "I must ask you to leave." "As you can see, we're busy." "Poppy's normal." "There's nothing wrong with her." "Michael's got proof." "He went in the viewing room with the two-way mirror." "I cannot talk to you about Poppy now." "You must understand." "You lied to me." "You lied to everybody." "You've been using her to get rid of us!" "Don't be ridiculous, N!" " She nearly died cos of you." " I'm afraid N's not feeling very well." "Where is she?" "What have you done with her?" "Look, N. I'm afraid I've got some very bad news." "I'm very sorry, but... ..the fact is, last night, Poppy sadly..." "No!" "She couldn't have done." "There ain't nothing the fucking matter with her!" " It's your fault!" " That's enough, N!" "You can't believe them!" "You can't!" "They never helped nobody!" "They set it up from the start!" "That's why they made me her guide!" "They knew it would do her head in!" "Fucking tyrants!" "No!" "I am not a dribbler!" "There ain't nothing whatever wrong with my head!" "Tell you what, why don't you come round on Saturday, eh?" "We'll open a bottle of wine." "All right?" "Just making a drink for Safra, won't be a sec." "It's very patchy, N." "God, they need filing." "Reckon it was them taking Safra away what finally done it." "She just couldn't cope no more." "Fucking wankers!" "The doctors and all that." "Tony." "Jesus!" "Nearly nine years of my life I give to that place!" "It was all just a big fucking con!" "I made an appointment." "I'm seeing the solicitor for you first thing Monday." "You's on mad money now, ain't it, Poppy?" "You must..." "Don't worry, we're gonna get you out of here." "Place'll do your head in." "You wanna get out." "Don't you?" "Least you got a window bed!" "See right round the world from up here." "When it's clear."