"Previously on Boston Legal..." "Denny, somehow I've grown rather fond of Shirley." "Well, you can't have her." "A man doesn't eat where his friend... –Schmidts?" "–Exactly." "The fact is, many HMO's are outsourcing major surgery." "When a person is told she needs heart surgery, she does not expect to be shipped to India to have it." "Judge Marcia Hooper was found murdered last night." "We were having an affair." "–What's going on?" "–The police just arrested Scott Little." "–Maybe I should do it." "–You mean, kill judge Hooper?" "He's talking to a therapist." "You gave the tape to the police the afternoon of her death?" "Well, I gave it to her husband." "What?" "No, no, no, no, we're not gonna be making any statements." "It hurts me way more than it hurts you." "You know how much I love to talk." "Let's just say we're very happy that Scott Little is out of that jail cell, a place he shouldn't have been to begin with." "The fact that they would let an accused killer out at all goes to show what a joke our criminal justice system has become, where the haves get one form of justice and the have-nots get none at all." "Denny, you have got to gag this woman." "–I would love to." "–Evidently, she plans to attend the trial." "Gracie Jane's coming to Boston?" "Well, she lost John Mark Karr." "I am a nervous wreck." "It doesn't matter how many trials I do." "Every one is like the first one." "Who's he?" "Paul Lewiston, Bethany Horowitz." "We're in trial together." "It all comes down to opening arguments, you know?" "80% of all trials, the jury makes up its mind after the opening." "You shouldn't smoke." "It'll stunt you." "Um, never mind." "What, you've never seen a smoking dwarf before?" "Bethany, are you okay to do this?" "Of course I'm okay." "I just get opening-day jitters." "You know what I do when I get anxious?" "–No, and I don't want to know." "–It works." "You are a sicko, perverted, lewd, disgusting sleaze." "It's sexual, this ear pinch." "Yes." "Pinching the ear gives you blood flow." "When's the last time you got that without taking a pill?" "Boston Legal 3x04." "Fine Young Cannibal" "(edited by ΤΖΩΤΖΙΟΥ)" "ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON ABC: 2006/10/10" "(edited by ΤΖΩΤΖΙΟΥ)" "–Two out of three." "–What?" "One of us has to cozy up to Dr Simon." "He's a serial flirt." "Jeffrey thinks we can infiltrate his discretion." "I'll take odds." "Okay, ready?" "–Oh, please." "–Come on." "One, two, three, shoot." "Yes!" "Again." "One, two, three, shoot." "Yes!" "–Great." "–He bellies up to the bar at McCabe's at 6." "Wear some perfume." "What's going on?" "Paul, judge Hooper, the victim's husband, I hear you know him." "I do." "He's basically the only one who can give us any details on his wife's life." "Jeffrey's been shot down." "Could you try?" "Unless you'd rather flirt with Dr Simon." "Judge Brown just assigned me a cannibal." "You're second chairing." "Did you say "cannibal"?" "I figured if any lawyer could relate—" "I didn't know Massachusetts had cannibals." "It's "don't ask, don't tell"." "We're meeting the client at 11." "Thanks for volunteering." "Wait, no." "Why me?" "Because this case is disgusting." "It's distasteful." "It's repugnant." "–Everything I stand for." "–I'll drive." "Shirley, is this about getting in a room with me?" "Yes, Alan." "I went out and recruited a cannibal just to get close to you." "The idea of two consenting adults savouring one another's meat— 11 o'clock." "I'll bring the condiments." "Look at that picture there closely." "What do you see?" "–A dead woman." "–No, no, that one there." "–Still dead." "–On the nightstand." "–Flowers." "–Flowers." "Flowers wrapped in tissue and under that, newspaper." "They're not even in water yet." "Somebody just brought her these flowers." "Who would bring her flowers, Jeffrey?" "Not her husband." "He doesn't even seem to like her." "And I don't think Scott would, since people having illicit affairs don't tend to leave behind clues." "And newspaper?" "What kind of florist uses newspaper?" "No, these flowers are from someone's private garden." "–Lincoln Meyer." "–I think he was there that night." "Maybe after he saw the boy leave, he went in." "Is she okay?" "She's panting like a dog." "I heard that." "–Are you okay to do this?" "–This is how I get, all right?" "Maybe I'm especially nervous here, because I need to make them settle." "I know I can't prove malpractice." "Not to worry." "–We all get nervous, Bethany." "I do not want to hear what you do." "What I do before I open is I remind myself who I am, how I got here." "There's a reason I'm sitting in the courtroom." "So before I get up, I say to myself," ""I'm Denny Crane."" "And that's what you've got to do." "So before you get up, take a deep breath and you say to yourself," ""I am a midget."" "All rise." "His name was Joseph Greenberg." "He was my best friend, my only friend." "And you ate him." "I'm not a cannibal." "I'm not what they're making me out to be." "They have a witness who saw you," ""chewing on a thigh."" "I was cremating him." "We had made a pact that if one died and the other didn't..." "And while he was burning," "I happened to be starving." "I hadn't had a meal in weeks." "It's just that he was there, and I tried it." "I tried it." "I was weak with hunger." "I was delirious." "I..." "I don't know." "I was curious." "And I took a bite." "It was stupid." "May I ask?" "This was your friend." "Uh, when he died, why didn't you notify the authorities?" "To be cremated, you need a next of kin." "The medical examiner won't take responsibility for burning a homeless person without permission." "So people out on the streets, buddies of ours, end up rotting on a slab in a warehouse downtown." "Joe deserved better than that." "You face a number of serious charges." "Violating the health code, desecration of a human body." "Am I gonna go to jail?" "Let us talk to the district attorney." "I'm sorry." "I want to help you." "I really do, but there'll be no plea, no discussion of one, and frankly, no leniency when it comes to sentencing." "This is you wanting to help us?" "–Shirley... can I call you "Shirley"?" "–No." "If this were just about one homeless man desecrating another..." "We wouldn't care." "But this is about the sanctity and morality of a society, the human race, in fact." "Oh, God, you're not gonna drag the human race into this, are you?" "–Mr Shore— –Actually, I prefer to be called "Shirley."" "It gives me a tickle." "Knowing you, you probably plan to get up in the end and deliver some stirring closing like, "cannibalism is good."" ""The world needs more people devouring each other."" "No, we already have enough of that." "My problem is the American people have been so desensitized to atrocity, we just turn an indifferent ear and eye to the most heinous of conduct." "Well, I am not going to turn away." "I'm going to make a firm and public stand." "Almost sounds as if you're running for something." "Oh, gee, you are." "Tell me, why saddle up on this issue?" "Was pædophilia taken?" "No deal." "He goes to jail." "And tell your boy, between now and trial, he'd better not eat anyone else." "Tell me, Mr Vote-for-me-come-November, what if you lose this trial?" "Did that ever occur to you?" "Funny, it didn't." "Perhaps it should." "I would love to see how you're gonna win this one." "Shirley." "All right, we'll first hear from the plaintiff's attorney." "Ms Horowitz." "–Thank you, your honor." "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury—" "I beg your pardon." "May I have a word with counsel, please?" "–What?" "–I apologize, your honor." "It's just, we may be able to resolve this." "If I could just speak with her for a minute..." "Take two if it'll resolve it." "$400,000." "Final offer." "Good for 30 seconds." "What do you mean, "good for 30 seconds"?" "Better confer with your client." "Clock is ticking." "–He just offered $400,000." "–Just like that?" "–But it's only good for 30 seconds." "–What?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, he put a clock on it." "Half a minute." "$400,000 is a lot of money." "Are you kidding?" "Take it!" "–This would be my advice." "–We can get more." "You don't even know the case." "I can always get more." "Just say yes!" "–We accept your offer." "–Oh, jeez." "The offer was only good for 30 seconds, and you took 33." "Offer rescinded." "Guess you'll have to resume your opening." "He baited me deliberately." "He did this because the book on you is you're less effective when you lose your cool." "Oh, shut up!" "This is exactly the state of mind that he wants you in." "It was an offer made in bad faith." "I should bring a motion for sanctions." "That wouldn't make any difference." "–Shut up!" "–Shut up yourself!" "Now listen to me." "You're the badger." "Now you can either let this guy win by rattling you with a cheap stunt, or you could march yourself into that courtroom and deliver the opening of your life." "It's in your hands, Bethany." "Are you a winner or not?" "Hello, Brian." "What are you doing in my chambers?" "First, let me extend my condoleances—" "Please leave my chambers, Paul." "We have a very difficult job to do, which you can certainly understand, if not appreciate." "You're profiteering off my wife's death." "If you came in here looking for my sympathy—" "Only your cooperation." "You won't get it." "I'll ask you again to leave." "–My friend— –I'm certainly not your friend." "As part of our defense, we will be trying to focus suspicion on other suspects." "–I asked you— –I think you need to hear me out." "We know from our investigation so far that both you and your wife were being treated by Dr Zachary Simon." "We also have reason to believe that your late wife was engaged in extramarital relations with other men." "I can explore this with you now or in a much more public forum during your testimony." "–You're threatening me?" "–I am informing you that we will do whatever we have to to protect our client." "On the chance that somebody else killed her, you must be willing to at least— –Your client killed my wife." "There's no evidence of anyone else even being there." "Except you." "Is that where you're going with your defense, Paul?" "We will go down any path that leads to reasonable doubt, and yes, my friend." "That is a threat." "I came around the back of the building, and that's when I saw it." "What did you see?" "First, I saw a flame." "And as I got closer, I saw him." "–The defendant?" "–Yes." "And what else did you see?" "He was eating something, meat off a bone on the fire." "And what I saw next, well, I couldn't believe my eyes." "What?" "Not to interrupt, but might this be a good time to take a break?" "Sit down!" "Tell us what you saw, miss Baker." "For those of us who don't watch the news or the district attorney's self-serving press conferences." "Mr Shore, I will hold you in contempt!" "–Oh, now I'm the bad guy?" "–Sit, sit, sit!" "Miss Baker, tell the jury what you saw next." "A dead human body cooking over an open fire, and that man was eating part of the leg." "–Are you sure?" "–Yes, I'm sure." "It was the most disgusting, awful, horrible, grotesque thing I ever saw!" "–She left out— –Shocking!" "There we go." "Here's what doesn't make sense to me." "There was no evidence of his fingerprints." "Nada, zip, zilch, nothing." "How could that be if he was there delivering documents, making love to the victim, doing who knows what?" "The only explanation can be?" "He wiped the prints away." "Why would he do that if he wasn't guilty?" "–Hi." "Um, a vodka neat, please." "They ought to gut him like a fish." "I have said it before." "I will say it again." "He is guilty, guilty, guilty." "Until then..." "The media just can't get enough, can they?" "Oh, yeah." "I think he did it." "I mean, who else if not him?" "Well, I can't really comment." "Why not?" "I'm connected with the case." "You are?" "The accused was one of my patients." "You're his doctor?" "The victim was a former patient." "Oh, you're lying." "I am not lying." "I'm connected with this, big-time." "Wow." "I hope you're not expecting me to close on this." "Well, of course I am, Alan." "That's your niche." "Making the most unacceptable of taboos sound..." "Exotic?" "I cannot stop thinking about our little session last week." "We didn't have a session." "Admit it, Shirley." "You're drawn to me like Eve to the serpent." "Take me home and help me stretch my coil." "Has that line actually worked?" "It's working now." "I'm not trying to convince you of something you don't already want." "I often find that men who like to talk about it usually disappoint." "All I ask for is a chance." "I'm down on my knees if you'd like that." "The problem is, men don't get over me." "–Really?" "–Not to sound immodest, but I'm very good in bed." "In fact, I'm rather phenomenal." "And then there's the biggest obstacle of all." "Which is?" "–Denny." "–Denny who?" "He's your best friend, Alan." "It would hurt him." "Suppose I got this..." "Denny's blessing." "Get his blessing." "Then we'll talk." "Well, he didn't exactly flow with information, but the reason he discontinued seeing Marcia Hooper was because there was trouble in domestic paradise, and he felt he couldn't ethically represent both husband and wife." "And he thought Marcia Hooper was infatuated with him." "What?" "Yeah, he said it's very common with therapists and patients." "It's called transference." "He also asked me out." "Sometimes a district attorney must safeguard not just the law, but human decency itself." "This was a crime against morality, against God." "What has happened to our community?" "–Denny, I..." "Our society?" "When it becomes okay" "Why do you have clothespins on your ears?" "Mm, personal." "Denny..." "I lay awake in bed last night taking measure of our special friendship." "Do you ever do that?" "–We're flamingoes." "–Yes!" "And what I discovered to be the root, one of the roots, of our interlocking bond is our unfettered ability to share, be it our intimacies, our fears, our successes." "My root is your root." "If I should ever like to drive your car..." "I'd toss you my keys." "–If I should ever need any money..." "–My check is blank." "–Or need to pick your brain..." "–My mind is blank." "Anything you have or once did have is there for me." "Except for Shirley." "Keep your root away from Shirley." "–She told you." "–Told me what?" "My friend..." "One of my goals in life is to go to all the places you've gone, and..." "Just don't go to Shirley." "She's mine." "–Denny— –No." "Okay, Ms Horowitz, let's give this another go, shall we?" "My client's wife needed heart surgery." "And so her HMO stuck her on a plane and sent her to India to have it, where she died on the table." "The reason she was sent to India is because it's cheaper." "It's called medical outsourcing." "It goes on all the time, and I'm sure you know this." "And you know what?" "If I needed surgery, I might consider making the schlep." "Why should I pay $90,000 for heart surgery when I can get the same thing over there for $10,000." "The problem is that Cindy Potter didn't get to make that choice, because when she signed on with Wellness health care, all of the surgeries were done here." "When that policy was modified, she couldn't switch HMO's, because by then, she had a preexisting heart condition, and nobody else would take her, at least not at a price that she could afford," "so she had to get on that plane." "My client here, he had to work." "He couldn't go with her, and his wife died on the other side of the world." "Now I can't really put a price tag on that, can you?" "Now I know it's not the defendant's fault that medical expenses are out of control here." "I don't blame the defendant that half of Americans are uninsured." "In fact, I give them credit for searching for a solution." "But come on." "Shipping a patient with a heart condition to India is not a solution." "It can't be." "We have to be better than that." "This is America." "They should be banging down congress' doors." "They find it cheaper to go to India." "And they said they might be calling me early." "I could be the lead-off witness." "Can you imagine?" "You're gonna be on television." "I'll be on "Gracie Jane."" "These are some beautiful flowers, Lincoln." "I grew them myself." "I'm very botanical." "Oh, I can see that." "Hey, Lincoln," "I was reading Mrs Hooper's affidavit in support of her motion for a restraining order." "It didn't seem to me like she was infatuated with you at all." "Her husband put her up to that." "He's evil." "She said some terrible things about you, called you "psychologically disturbed, sick."" "That had to hurt." "Bet it made you angry even." "I don't like the tenor of your remark." "No, I'm just saying here's this woman that you adored." "Bet you loved to bring her flowers, huh?" "And in a public document, she calls you "sick,"" ""mentally unbalanced."" "I recognize your tenor, Mr Coho." "I'm not stupid." "You mean to imply that I killed her." "I loved her." "I cherished her." "You are not welcome in my home anymore, you and your inappropriate tenor." "I'll ask you to leave." "The bad news is we were unable to find any character witnesses." "It seems your only friend was Joseph." "Is there any good news?" ""Primetime" wants to have you on." "During Sweeps they want you to eat Diane Sawyer." "Sorry." "Why do you need a character witness?" "Well, the jury could be looking at you like..." "You need to demonstrate to them that you are not a monster." "Maybe I am a monster." "I burned my best friend." "I ate him." "Maybe I'm every bit of..." "You're not a monster, Mr Nichols." "What kind of person ends up by himself on the street?" "I don't have one single friend that can speak on my behalf." "You're not a monster, and you're not a criminal." "All we can do is to call you to the stand." "You need to explain to the jury, as sympathetically as you can, why you did what you did." "It's not fair." "You can't just claim women for all time." "I only claim Shirley." "–What about Ivan Tiggs?" "–She married him." "Why don't you take the girl I married last year?" "You can have her." "–I want Shirley." "I can understand how you feel." "When I was 15, I had this enormous crush on a girl." "Diana Coralac." "She was a fetching goddess." "She developed early." "But she liked this kid George." "So one day I went to George and I said, uh," ""I'll wrestle you for her," and why he agreed I don't know, but within four seconds I flipped him on his back, sat on his head and he tapped out." "And then I spent the night in Diana's fetching bosom." "It was magic." "I challenge you, Denny." "To what?" "You're going to wrestle?" "Why not?" "It's not like he can beat me." "And you think I'm the prize?" "You're always the prize, Shirley." "Of all the humilia— how dare you?" "Making me the prize in a wrestling match?" "Oh, get over yourself." "Man has done battle to get the girl since the beginning of time." "Man has evolved, Alan, with the exception, of course, being Denny." "Thank you." "Shirley, admit it." "This has to be a little thrilling." "Thrilling?" "Two fat boys fighting it out on a mat?" "You know the problem with mankind, Shirley?" "Oh, God." "We legislate our morality, our beings with this code of reason and common sense and respectable restraint." "And it leaves no room for passion, for bestial yearning." "It leaves Jack a very dull boy and Jill thoroughly unsatisfied." "How rich this moment is if you think of it." "Two men in their sexual—" "Okay, twilight, are about to enter a cage for the right to nestle into your loins, to uncork your holy grail." "This is life, Shirley!" "We're ready to kill for you." "This is the very essence of life." "What he said, totally." "How's the case going?" "Could be better." "If you ask me, plea murder two." "Good behavior, kid's out in six." "I don't think Jeffrey's gonna want to plead." "Of course not." "Give up his 15 minutes?" "Brad, he's coming in with another offer." "–Who?" "–The disgusting slimeball defense lawyer." "This time I think it's for real." "He asked to continue the trial." "This woman is a starer." "Where's Denny?" "In his office." "I don't like starers." "I wasn't staring." "I was only trying to cremate him according to his wishes." "As a homeless person, he would have ended up decomposing on a slab alone somewhere till..." "I couldn't allow for that." "Okay, but at some point during the cremation ceremony, you decided to eat your friend." "We had both read the book, the account of the soccer team that was on the plane that crashed in the Andes." "The survivors had to eat some of the dead bodies so that they could continue to survive." "None of them were arrested, by the way, if you read the book." "You and Joseph talked about this?" "Yes, not, not that, that's what I planned to do that night at all." "I'm just saying that what I did do was not contrary to his wishes." "I think the jury would like to know, why did you do it?" "I was starving." "I hadn't had a meal in two weeks..." "I was starving." "First, let me preface." "This is not a negotiation." "This is a final offer." "Either you accept it, or we return to court." "What's the number?" "$650,000 absent any showing of malpractice." "That's a gift." "We're just looking to avoid the expense of a trial." "Yes or no?" "What's it gonna be?" "The thing about HMO's is they're very good at math." "The expense of a trial wouldn't come close to $650,000." "The other thing is they don't make gifts." "It's the exposure of a trial that you're worried about, and why shouldn't you be?" "The future of your whole business depends on outsourcing." "It saves you billions and billions of dollars." "And the worst thing that could possibly happen is for some stigma to be attached to the concept." "I told you, this is not a negotiation." "The number's $950,000." "Are we going back to court or not?" "I think we can make $950,000 work." "Good for you." "The dwarf fainted." "I am so embarrassed." "I have to admit, in my practice," "I have never seen a number that big." "I'm sure you people see it all the time." "You caused that number, Bethany." "You scared the hell out of them with your opening." "They didn't dare stick around for the closing." "I'm trying not to get emotional." "Thank you, Denny." "I'm so grateful to you." "Somehow in that vile, disgusting shell of yours," "I think there must be a nice person." "I'd like to have lunch again, start from scratch." "If I promised not to call you a midget and ask you to take your clothes off—" "This is you from scratch?" "You're an extraordinary woman." "I don't get to meet many." "Give me a week or two to forget what you're like." "Then we can have lunch." "We live in a time where almost anything goes, don't we?" "Gay marriage is barely considered alternative anymore." "You go on the internet, you can find a club for almost any kind of fetish, however depraved." "We're a society where nothing seems to shock us anymore." "Well, if we've reached the day where burning the remains of a body and cannibalism doesn't offend, then I guess life has no sanctity at all, does it?" "No dignity." "Please deliver a verdict that says there is sanctity not just to the life of a human being, but also the death." "A billion and a half Christians routinely go to church on Sundays and ceremoniously eat the body of Christ, drink His blood." ""He who eats my flesh"" ""and drinks my blood abides in me and I in Him."" "Jesus said that." "–How dare you?" "What?" "Who have I offended now?" "How dare you take the holy sacrament literally?" "Is that not done?" "You have equated it with a vile and despicable act." "I apologize, your honor." "I certainly don't mean to indict holy communion, but let's not carry on with the idea that the notion of cannibalism offends the sanctity of life." "It has roots not only in sacraments not to be taken literally, but also Greek mythology." "It's still glorified in certain sections of both the south and I believe Malibu." "And I might add, it's not illegal." "There's no federal law, no Massachusetts law that criminalizes cannibalism." "That's why Mr District attorney my-name-appears-second-on-the-ballot– this-November Ginsberg has trumped up these other charges, desecration and so forth and lectured you on dignity and sanctity." "There is no dignity in starving to death." "When a homeless person is left to rot on a slab, the sanctity of life somehow gets trivialized." "Mr District attorney my-name-appears-second– on-the-ballot-this-November Ginsberg wants you to be offended." "You know what offends me?" "We have in this country over a million homeless people." "The government can't feed them, can't give them shelter, but hey, let's spend $60,000 to $70,000 to prosecute one who tried to stave off death, let's spend another $45,000 a year to imprison him." "There is no dignity in that." "It's cruel." "Mr Nichols was cremating his friend to prevent the indignity of the unceremonious and degrading decomposition of his body." "As for why he ate, he told you." "He was starving." "When was the last time you starved?" "How about you?" "I know you're not starving, except for attention." "Let's face it." "They only reason we're all here is because cannibalism makes for good television." "What better to satiate some pre-election hunger pangs than a bellyful of media attention?" "Mr District attorney my-name-appears-second– on-the-ballot-this-November Ginsberg knows that." "That's why he's handling this case personally." "Not only does it give him a sensational platform for his shameless self-promotion, it also fits his notion of society, that it's not about understanding a homeless, it's about prosecuting him." "Kinda makes you wonder, who here is really the cannibal?" "I'd be more than happy to drive you home." "Oh, thank you." "I actually have my own car." "Um, which is actually right there." "Is that you don't trust yourself with me?" "Oh, wow, you really can read people, can't you?" "That's my job." "So can I see you again?" "Sure." "Let's have something to look forward to." "I'm a magnificent kisser." "Are you now?" "I don't like to drop names but..." "I once kissed Gina Gershon." "Did you?" "We were out together... in a group." "I happened to be driving in the direction of her hotel, so I offered her a lift." "And well, one thing led to another." "She confided in me that she had never been kissed like that in her life." "Well... it's, uh... always been a goal for... my mouth to... go where Gina's has, but—" "I dig you, Claire." "And I dig you, Zach." "Call me." "I will." "Oh, my God." "Why are you dressed like an Indian?" "Growing up, my favorite wrestler was chief Jay Strongbow." "You look like one of the Village People." "Okay, are we ready?" "Shouldn't we pee in a cup first?" "I don't trust his testosterone levels." "Mine's naturally high." "3-minute rounds." "2 points for a takedown." "1 point for an escape." "If either of you tap out, it's over." "Set?" "Set." "Let's get it on." "Five seconds?" "He cheated." "You can't squat on the head." "Five seconds?" "Four, actually." "The defendant will please rise." "Madame foreperson, would you kindly announce to the court the outrageous verdict of the jury?" "That's encouraging." "In the matter of the commonwealth of Massachusetts vs Clarence Nichols on the charge of desecrating human remains in violation of the human welfare and safety health code, we find the defendant Clarence Nichols not guilty." "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," "Do you think we win too much?" "Are we losing all suspense?" "I don't know what to say." "–Congratulations." "–Thank you." "Thank you both." "Listen, we never let our contestants go home empty-handed, so along with the home version of the Crane, Poole  Schmidt game, here's a check for $5,000." "–What?" "–What?" "It's an experimental program." "It's called "we the fortunate should endeavor to help the less fortunate."" "I'm sure it'll never fly." "Go have a nice meal, take a trip, maybe splurge for some health insurance." "I don't know what to say." "You people are amazing." "Bye." "You gave him your own money?" "I wasn't using it." "Denny, I want a rematch." "–Forget it." "–You cheated." "I did not." "You know, the first time I had sex with Shirley, it went exactly like that." "I flipped her on her back, and I sat on her head." "Hope it was better for her than it was for me." "It was better for me." "It also lasted about four seconds." "Do you think you could ever bring yourself to eat me?" "I mean, say we were on a desert island, and I died, and you were starving." "Could you eat me?" "Could you eat me?" "Well, I might be afraid of the mad cow." "When I die, I want to be buried, Denny." "I don't want to be cremated, incinerated into nothingness." "Oh, what do you care?" "When you're dead, you're dead." "I don't actually believe that." "I believe there's... something after." "Heaven?" "I don't know, something." "Alan Shore believes man has a soul." "Stop the presses." "Don't you believe it?" "Can this be all there is?" "If so, have we wasted—" "I haven't wasted a second." "I've enjoyed my ride." "All of it." "But will it truly have counted for something?" "You know the old joke, Alan?" "A man shows up at the Pearly Gates, sees this guy in a pinstriped suit and a briefcase, a cigar prancing about." "And he says to saint Peter, "who's that guy?"" "Saint Peter says, "Aw, it's just God."" ""He thinks he's Denny Crane."" "What would you do, Denny, if you actually met God one day?" "–I'd probably take him fishing." "–Indeed." "He'd probably want to wrestle me for Shirley." "Indeed again."