"Enter!" "Enter" "Did you say enter?" "Did you ever think of getting a hearing aid Sidney?" "I beg your pardon." "Oh never mind" "I brought the stock room key back." "Oh, thank you." "Don't forget it is the school concert this week." "Pardon." "The school concert." "Oh, I'll get all ready." "Good." "I wonder what Mr. Brown's class is going to do." "Did he mention anything to you?" "Oh no, he didn't." "No, no." "As a matter of fact" "I don't think anyone will do anything." "That's non sense." "Every class is expected to put on some sort of show." "But you tell Mr. Brown to come and see me at tea break." "Pardon?" "Tea break" "Oh, is it?" "I can do it." "See you." "I would like your presence everyone." "As you can recall when last we met, I gave you each for your homework a different task to do over the weekend." "Hope you have all done them." "Yes." "Good." "I want you each in turn to stand up and give me a report on your various activities, alright?" "Now who'd like to begin?" "Me" "We'll start at the back, shell we?" "With you Jamila." "Your homework was a visit to the cinema." "Would you like to tell us about the film you saw?" "It was about the most beautiful top class Indian girl who is fell in love with boy from bottom class." "Lower class." "But girl's father said no get married." "So they ran away." "But father catched them and chopped off boy's legs." "Later, father died." "One day, girl see a beggar man in the street." "Oh, it is her sweet heart!" "She cried." "No legs, no matter!" "You be marry me." "Okay, he say." "I will go and be make myself look nice." "With no legs?" "So he go." "Girl, she cries and run after him, and then a big motor car hit her and kill her." "It was most miserable film and I enjoyed it very much." "Good, well done Jamila, very good." "Taro?" "Your homework was a visit to London Zoo." "Tell us about it." "I arrive at London Zoo." "No, no Taro, no." "London Zoo." "Start again." "London Zoo." "There are no os." "Oh, yes please." "There are two Os in London and two Os in Zoo." "That's absolutely correct Ali, but I'm refering to the ends of the words alright?" "Now carry on Taro, but do try and get out of the habit of ending everyother word in O" "I try." "Went first to see buffal." "Bufful?" "Like a big bull." "Oh, a buffalo." "Taro confusedo." "Words that end in O like buffalo or radio or vertigo, you pronounce the o." "But where there's no o, you don't have one, do you understand?" "Yeso!" "I give up." "Alright Taro, thank you." "Now Ali!" "Yes please." "I asked you to read one of Shakespeare's plays." "Were you able to do that?" "Most definitely." "I'm reading about Sherlock." "You mean Shaylock." "Yes please." "The Merchant of Venice." "Oh, good." "Carry on." "First of all, there is a lady Porta." "Her name was Portia." "Yes please." "Now a man called Bassanio is fancying this lady Porta, Portia." "But he's broken." "Broken what?" "Stony broken, no money." "You mean broke." "Carry on." "So he's going to see his friend Antonio." "And saying," ""oh please be lending me 3.000 buckets. "" "Duckets." "Sorry please." "But Antonio was also broken so he's going to shaylock the money lending man and asking him to lend him the money." "Shaylock is agreed." "But on one condition!" "If in three months time he is not paying him back the money, then Shaylock could cut off one pound of Antonio's fleshy." "Why is he wanting a pound of human flesh?" "Might be one of them is cannon balls." "Cannibals." "Oh no, he is doing the because he is not liking Antonio." "Anyway, Antonio is in a bigger trouble." "He wrecked all his chips." "Ships." "Ships." "And he is not being able to pay back the money." "Now Shaylock is wanting his pound of flesh." "But Lady Portia is pretending to be lawyer man." "And she saying, "Agreement was for one pound of flesh and no drop of blood. "" "Sheylock has had it." "How can he had it when he is not getting it?" "You damn fool, you are not understanding the queen's English." "I know the queen is English." "You think I'm stupid?" "Most definitely." "You two sit down." "Thank you Ali, very well done." "Right." "Now Su lee, your task was a visit to Petticoat lane." "Petticoat lane very disappointing." "Why was that?" "Not see one Petticoat." "Look, don't you find market places interesting?" "Market places full of capitalistic traders selling merchandizes to ignorant walking people in very high prices." "General Mao Says..." "Don't mind what general Mao says, thank you Su lee." "Well done." "Ranjeet, your task was a visit to High Gate Cemetry." "And I am finding it very interesting." "Good, then tell us all about it." "Firstly, I'm seeing the burying place of Carl Marx." "Ah, yes, the father of Communism." "But I'm not understanding which one he was." "I'm sorry I didn't understand." "Was he Chico, Harpo, or Groucho?" "Carl Marx was not one of the Marx's brothers." "Thousands apologies." "What else did you see?" "I'm seeing many beautiful grey stones." "Graves stones." "That is correct." "And some of them have written on them beautiful words." "I'm writing one down." "You are gone my dearest wife." "Still I feel no pain for I know at heaven's gate we will meet again." "What's the matter Giovanni?" "I can't help it professor." "It is so sad." "That poor husband, he was in love with his wife very much" "Don't be sad!" "Husband is be very happy." "How do you know?" "He dying the year after." "Oh, thanks goodness." "I'm so happy for him." "And they are both being football fans." "How on earth do you know that?" "He is having put on his stone:" "United forever." "That's meant Ranjeet he's being reunited with his wife in heaven." "Thousands apologies." "Yes, well thank you, well done." "Good." "Right!" "Giovanni have you recovered sufficiently to tell us about you visit to speakers' corner?" "Okay dockey." "First, I taken the tube to Hyde Park." "Then for an hour, nothing." "What do you mean nothing?" "Nobody was there." "What?" "Ten o'clock on a Sunday morning?" "That's right." "That's strange." "There's always people at speaker's corner every weekend." "I asked a police man why is there nobody here?" "And I find out why there is nobody there." "Why was it that there was nobody there?" "I was at the wrong corner." "Silence." "Carry on Giovanni." "Excuse me Mr. Brown." "Oh yes Mrs. Courtney." "What have you done about the concert?" "Pardon?" "Is everybody at the school going deaf?" "I want to know what you have done about the concert?" "Concert?" "There has been a notice on the board for the past two weeks." "You haven't read it?" "Mr. Brown has read it." "He was discussing it with us before you came in." "Yes." "Yes, I was!" "Good." "Then what are you going to do?" "Well, I expect them all to be there." "Gentlemen I hope you will be there, but what I want to know is what your students' contribution will be." "Contribution?" "Perform?" "Perdón, señora." "It's going to be a surprise." "But I don't like surprises." "I want to be quite sure what they're going to do would be acceptable." "So I suggest that after tea break you and your class can give me a preview of the intended" "We helped you out pretty good, huh?" "Yes, but not for very long." "Por favor!" "We still have to think of something to do for this concert in less than half an hour." "Yes, you're right." "With your brain, and our talent, no problem!" "To me!" "To me!" "No, over here!" "Not you, me!" "Right." "Okay." "I brought you a nice cup of tea Mr. Brown." "Oh, thank you Gladis." "There!" "Thank you!" "What are they all going to do for the Concert tonight?" "The show thing that they are practicing outside now." "Oh, would you like me to do a bit." "A bit of what?" "Singing." "I was in the choir." "Jerusalem." "Jerusalem, lift up your voice and sing!" "Turn it up Gladis!" "You're girgling in the milk." "Don't you be so jealous Sid!" "Do you like my voice Mr. Brown?" "I think it's remarkable." "Thank you." "I could do your turn if you like." "You, Sid?" "Yeah, watch this!" "Oh, that's cool!" "Alright, come on!" "Let's start." "Alright Mr. Brown!" "Alright!" "Alright, come along everybody." "Good, good." "Jamila, what are you doing?" "Ah, good." "Yes, good!" "Come along every body." "Miss Courtney will be here any minute." "I'm here now Mr. Brown!" "Good, would you like to sit there Miss Courtney?" "Thank you." "I do hope I'm going to enjoy this." "So do I." "I wouldn't like to be embarassed in front of our distinguished guests." "No, no." "What distinguished guests?" "Quite a few members of the educational authority always come to see our concerts." "I don't want a repitition of what happened last year." "What happened?" "Mr. Jarvis's wood work students were quite awful." "They sang rugby songs out of tune." "Mr. Jarvis still hasn't found another job." "How comforting." "Would you all come out here when I introduce you?" "I have a kind of program." "I shall stop you if there's anything I don't like." "Right." "Good evening ladies and gentlemen." "Stop." "What's the matter?" "This concert takes place in the afternoon." "Stop!" "Now what was wrong with that?" "Mr. Brown, by the time you and your class come out, the audience will have been sitting on those hard chairs for one and a half hours." "I wouldn't mention anything about comfort if I were you." "Ah, right." "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen." "The English as a foreign language class is proud to present a pot pourri of music and laughter." "And to start us off, we have from Hungary "Zoltan Szabo"." "Good evening everybody." "Good afternoon!" "Ah, good afternoon!" "Hungarian magic!" "Hungarian paper!" "Second Hungarian magic." "Stop." "Don't you want to see Hungarian magic." "You don't think I even want first Hungarian magic." "Never mind Zoltan." "That's very good." "Sit down." "Yes, alright." "And now from Italy, the irrepressible, Giovanni Cupello." "Grazie." "For you, I'm gonna do some impersonations." "Okay, here we go!" "Hey, you wanna a nice piece of salame?" "I've got a lovely piece for you." "And who is that supposed to be?" "That's my butcher Antonio." "We have never heard of your butcher." "Maybe not, but if you had, it's very much like him." "Can you do and impressions of and well-know people?" "Sure, I can." "Jimmy Cagney." "In a scene from the film" ""Disaster on the fifth Avenue"" "You dirty rat." "Oh, you dirty, dirty rat!" "I'm going to fix you." "I haven't finished yet." "Well, Mr. Cagney sounds remarkable like you butcher." "And now from France, the delightful, Danielle." "Thank you!" "Do you know any of the words Danielle?" "I do not sing the words, I just dance to the music." "And what is all this "off" business?" "That is when I'm taking off my clothes." "We can't have that sort of thing going on." "It is not going on, it is coming off." "Not in my school!" "Yeah, well, thank you Danielle!" "Well-done Jolly good!" "And now, from the mysterious east, we have to sing for you Taro Nagazumi." "I sing for you a traditional Japanese song calledo a "Warrior's Lamento. "" "Stop." "Why you tell me 'stopo'?" "Because it was awful." "I thought it had a certain style!" "Yeah, sickening." "Sorry, you no liko my song." "And now from Germany, will you welcome with her animal impressions" "Anna Schmidt." "Danke, I would like you to com to visit me on a walk in the black forest." "First, we meet a farmer and his dog." "Wouf!" "Wouf!" "The dog is chasing the sheep, baa baa, and the cows, moo moo." "Here comes a man on his horse, neigh neigh." "No, no Anna." "No, neigh, neigh." "You are supposed to do the actuel sounds like..." "I can't do that." "It hurts my throat." "Thank you for trying." "Anyway, jolly good!" "Well-done." "And now from China with something peculiarly Chinese, will you welcome miss Chin Su Lee?" "Chairman Mao he say, in the conditions of remaining" "China today, the contradictions among the peasantry and the..." "Stop." "This is supposed to be a school concert not a party not a political broadcast." "Can't you sing or anything?" "I can sing songs of revolution." "Right, and now it's time for a little comedy" "From Ali Nadim and Ranjeet Singh." "There's a little yellow island at the north of Katmandu." "I am saying, I am saying, I am saying." "Yes, please." "Why is a rhinoceros being like an elephant?" "Why is a rhinoceros is like being an elephant?" "Cause neither of them can ride a bicycle." "I wasn't able to know that." "Please be leaving The stage." "There's a little yellow island to the north of Katmandu." "I am saying, I am saying, I am saying..." "Stop!" "You are not liking us?" "No." "What did you expect?" "More common ways?" "If you're wanting, we can be doing more common ways." "I could be the fat short one with the hairy legs." "And I can be the one with the glasses." "We'll discuss it later." "Thank you." "Very good," "Our next student to entertain you with a little culture is Jamila Ranjha." "Ladies and gentlemen, I am tell you beautiful English poetries by Thomas Grey." "Ellijah written in country" "Elegy" "Sorry Master." "...And leaves the world to darkness and to me!" "Incredible." "I'll work on her pronunciation." "Thank you Jamila." "And now" "From Spain to entertain you comes Juan Cervantes." "Mr. Brown he tells you I am from Spain." "That's surprise, isn't?" "When I speak, I have no accent at all." "In Spain one times, I was going to be the bull-fighter, so one Sunday afternoon, I go to the bull-fight and they put me in the bullring." "The bull comes out." "I look at the bull and the bull, he look at me." "He look at me, and I look at the bull." "The bull was better looking than me." "Why you no laugh?" "It's alright." "So I not become the bull fighter because I don't kill pretty bulls." "Good, huh?" "You never saw me dance the flamenco." "I do it very good." "Alright, and finally to complete our contribution," "Greece and Sweeden combine." "Maximillian Papandrious and Ingrid Svenson." "And now my beautiful assistant and I are going to do some giggling." "Juggling." "All we need is a little practice." "We can't afford the plates." "Well-done." "Sit down both of you." "Well Mr. Brown, I think we can cancel all this off." "Oh, please Miss Courtney, the students would be so disappointed." "I mean we still have three days." "Just give us a chance." "Alright, very well." "But remember this Mr. Brown!" "Good jobs are hard to find!" "Thank you, "the weight watchers. "" "And now Ladies and gentlemen, hail Jeremy Brown and his United Nations." "Thank you!"