"So, Sharon's life was, like, developing, , , ln this natural, healthy way," "Whlle my life was, like, clogged," "Oh, yeah, Cherski and Vinnovich." "You didn't know?" "I think they met at the game, probably the big game." "Possibly, the big away game." "Should we be attending those things?" "Please grip yourself." "M ETAM O RP H O S I S" "What is a metamorphosis?" "Brian?" "When someone totally changes into something else..." "or just when anything changes shape." "Yes." "Now, The Metamorphosis was written by Franz Kafka." "What does it mean, to call something Kafka-esque?" "Anyone?" "Want to take a guess?" "When something seems like a total nightmare..." "and you can't believe it's really happening, only it is." "Can you give me an example of something Kafka-esque?" "Sharon Cherskl having a boyfriend and not me, lt has nothing to do with what anybody said, it's just..." "I always knew why I was coming in here, but if people are going to..." "take it wrong and give it this whole meaning that I never made it to have..." "Ashley DeMarco asked me if you were getting a sex change." "Exactly!" "I don't want to be a girl." "I just want to hang with girls." "There's a difference." "But, it's definitely gotten out of hand." "So, goodbye leaking faucets, goodbye soap dispenser..." "that never had soap in it, goodbye too hot radiator." "Oh, Scarecrow, I think I'll miss you most of all." " What is this?" "Oh, my..." " Who was it?" " Did you see him?" " He got away." "You're not going to believe this." "Sophomore Girls." "The top 40." "What?" "Okay, the first one's obvious." "Hottest sophomore babe, Casey Hall." "Casey Hall ls, like, the prettiest girl ln our class," "Maybe even ln the whole school, maybe even ln Amerlca, I see her in Sociology." "She's always flipping her hair around." "That's one term for it." "Will you look at this?" "Best butt." " Who?" " Leslie Godfrey." "That's no lie, she sits in front of me in homeroom." " Best legs." " Jennifer Kamensky?" " l n what universe?" " lt's who you know." "Have you viewed her ankles?" "Her ankles are like hams." " Wait, Sharon Cherski." " Who?" "Oh, Angela's ex." " Oh, God." " Well, they are quite sizable." "If I had a set like that, I'd own a small country." "Things like this make me sick." "Stop reading it, it's stupid." "It's less than stupid." "Who asked them?" "What gives them the right to decide" " Oh, my God, Angela!" "I'm on it!" " What?" ""Most Slut Potential. " Do you love it?" " Don't worry." "You're not on it." " l don't care..." "if I'm on it or not, that's not the point." "I just meant you don't get noticed." "You blend in." "U nlike, say, me, who basically never will." "Potential slut, now where do people get that kind of idea about me?" "Research." "I can't even say what this is." "Does this make you mad?" "No, I have the right to live my own life." "Anyway, it's a goof." "Who are they to say that?" "I mean, I don't want people saying that about you." "Or maybe about you, because we're friends." "Rayanne, that's not it." "Or maybe lt was kind of lt," "Sharon, would you play the twelfth bar of 23 for us, please?" "Your tone lacks kind of a center." "Could you smile at the instrument..." "and turn up the corners of your mouth a little bit more?" "Yes." "All right, let's try it again, please, at 23." "Two bars, two, ready, go!" "Okay, put them away!" "Brian, what's going on?" " You mean about the poll?" " What poll?" "Brian, what poll?" "I don't know. I mean..." "I don't condemn it, but I don't condone it." "Okay, so I have a zit, I have a zit on my chin, lt's not the end of the world, Exactly," "Angela!" "Camille called me at work today, can you guess why?" " l know why." " Why?" "Oh, Mom." "You know we had a wonderful time last year." "You and Sharon had a great time." " What was the wonderful time?" " The mother-daughter fashion show." "Mom, I'm not friends with Sharon anymore, okay?" " What fashion show?" " The church one." "Mom sewed the dresses and they looked like nightgowns." " No, they didn't." " They kind of did, Patty." "I'll get a nicer pattern this year." "And it's going to be better, it's to benefit the battered women's shelter..." "and they're holding it in a real ballroom." "I can't believe you're making me do this." " l can't believe you don't want to." " l'll do it." "Sweetheart, it's really for girls who are a little bit older than you are." " l know. I don't really want to do it." " The only reason you want to go..." "is because everyone told you how great you looked." "' Did you ever model professionally?" "' ' l can't believe you have a teenage daughter, because you look... '" " 'so young !" "' - 'so young !" "' l'm so glad that I can serve to amuse you all in this way." "Are you actually going to sew matching outfits again?" "Of course, that's the whole idea." "Besides, the sewing will relax me." " Normally makes you curse." " lt's so sick." "Dad, don't you think matching outfits is sick?" "No, it's not sick." "It's unbelievably corny, maybe." "I don't think it's so corny." "What is corny?" "You know, I really don't ask a lot of you, Angela." "I'm asking you to do this one very worthwhile thing..." "that we've enjoyed before." "is that so much to ask?" "Okay, I'll do it." "Look, I know what you're going to say..." "but if I don't do things like this with her now, I mean, if not now, when?" "I n a few years, she'll be gone and never phone..." "and tell some psychology major how I never spend any time with her." "Not to mention that this is a worthy cause, and we were always..." "telling them how important it is to be involved in the community..." "and give something back, but we never do anything about it." "And is it really so terrible to involve her in something where she..." "may possibly gain a little poise and end up ultimately feeling better-- ls this a private conversation, or can anyone join?" "I just feel very strongly about this." "Plus, you will be the prettiest mom there." "It's not a question of who's prettiest." "Besides, look at me." "Patty, it was just a compliment." "A simple thank you will suffice." "Sorry." "I mean, you can't pretend you don't notice." "Notice what, he hedged." "That my face is changing." "That I have lines that don't go away when I stop smiling." "I didn't-- it's not" "They don't bother me, Patty." "What?" " You admit you noticed." " l admit to nothing." "Ah-ha, yourself." "What?" " Ready to go?" " Yes." "So, are you doing this fashion thing, or whatever..." "this... thisfundraiser?" "Because my mom said you were and I just wondered." "So that's how it is now?" "I can't even ask you a question?" "Excuse me for daring to speak to you." "Excuse me, but just because you suddenly decide I'm worth talking to" "Guess what, I changed my mind." "You're not." "Go squeeze your zit." "And congratulations on the poll." "You didn't know?" "You're on it." "They both are." "I can't believe you didn't know." "God, I love other people's beds!" "So, who's into the pillows, you or Graham?" "Now, this is one I'd really like to make but..." " l think I'd look pretty stupid in it." " Why?" "It'd be good for Angela but maybe there's something in here I can copy." "This girl is everywhere." "Perfect face, perfect body. I hate her." "Speaking of perfect bodies..." "I'm in shock Angela agreed to do this again." "Why?" "Our relationship isn't that terrible." "It's not about your relationship..." "I just didn't think she'd be into this kind of thing anymore." "It was all I could do to get Sharon to agree to it." "Especially after that stupid poll." "What, you didn't hear about the poll?" "We don't hear much." "We live in the back." "Well, it seems that this group of hormonally-challenged boys..." "created this charming little document rating the sophomore girls." "And Sharon got voted, Best Global Endowments." "No!" "Breaks my heart." "She's so self-conscious now." "I can't believe Angela never mentioned this." " She's probably not on it." " Right." " No, she's better off." " Definitely." "I mean, yes, you're right." "She probably wasn't." "God, it took me right back to high school." "I was so self-conscious about my weight." "Camille, you were not that overweight." "Patty, I was fat." "I mean, even senior year, when I lost all that weight..." "I still felt really fat." "But you know what?" "I'm glad now..." "I mean, not looking that great in high school?" "I had nowhere to go but up." "I got to tell you, now, after all these years..." "I actually like the way I look." "And that's all that matters." "I like how she looks in her video." "But here, she's just hideous." "I know, I mean, what is it with her eyebrows?" "No, look at her knees." "They're so pointy." " Aren't you hot in that sweatshirt?" " No." " Are you going to that party tonight?" " What party?" "That girl in my Math class is throwing one." "Yeah, it's going to be fun." "The worst feeling ls suddenly realizing that you don't measure up," "And that ln the past, when you thought you did?" "You were a fool," " Can I have a towel." " Yes, just a second." "What?" "I'm not allowed in here, either?" "Jeez." "They've been holding hands for, like, two weeks." "I'm serious, they never let go. I mean..." "it's like their hands have been surgically implanted, you know?" "I mean, how do they eat?" "Not that I condemn it, I mean, if they want to hold hands." "No, exactly." "I mean, it's fine with me just..." "I'm just wondering when all this happened, you know?" "Do I ." "I mean, people pairing off into couples." "It's like I wasn't expecting it, or something." "Like did we cover this?" "Was I absent that day?" "You know I was." "I got to go to practice." "What?" "Does my breath smell?" "So, what do you guys talk about at practice?" "What?" "J ust give me an idea of the topics of your friends." "What's the hot topic of conversation?" "There's no topics. I mean, I don't know what you mean." "Like you don't know about the poll?" "Because you know who did it, right?" "I mean..." "I mean, it was you and your jock friends, wasn't it?" "Yes, I know some of the guys who did it." "But, I mean, I wasn't there." "So does it really bother you, or something?" "Guess how many people have asked me out since that stupid poll came out." " What people?" " Guess." "What, people I know?" "Eight people have asked me out, Kyle." "Okay?" "Since Tuesday." " Who, Wally Hennessey?" " You must really think I'm stupid." " Who is asking you out?" " You know, even before the poll..." "I had my suspicions that you were just..." "that you didn't really, like, actually like me." "I mean, I mean for real." "So, good." "Okay. I know why you asked me out now." "The big mystery is all cleared up now, so, goodbye." "Wait." "Sharon, hold it." "You're breaking up with me?" "Because of what it said on some poll?" "You're so perceptive." "Maybe we should browse here for a second." "Yes, good idea." "Pretty girl." " You're the mother?" " Yes." "Lovely skin." "What?" " He said you have lovely skin." " Yes, right." "Angela, thank you will suffice." "We've entered a mother-daughter fashion show together." " We?" "You entered us." " You know, I do makeovers." "I could do one for her for the fashion show, if you're interested." " Really?" "That might be fun, right?" " You think I need a makeover?" "I didn't say you need it, I said..." "Nevermind." "Anyway, here." "I n case she changes her mind." "Oh, this product is amazing !" "All those tiny lines around your eyes, it actually smoothes them." " Did you want me to ring that up?" " Yes." "Turn on the radio, what do you hear?" "Twenty five cheerleaders doing a cheer!" "Could you not do that?" "It makes it very hard for me to concentrate." " Angela, come here. I need your help." " Mom, come on." "No, what come on?" "I have to hold something up to you." " l have to finish The Metamorphosis." " This will only take five seconds." "Turn around." "I really love this fabric." "Don't you love it?" " Couldn't you just eat it?" " l'm not hungry." "See, I want to get a kind of a Mary Quant look." " Mary who?" " l love the fabric." "And I was thinking we could try this kind of a..." " French twist type of thing." " Mom, please don't touch my hair." "What?" "Come on, cooperate!" "I mean, we're supposed to be..." "doing this together, that's the whole point." "Did you put some of that cream on your pimple?" " Mom !" " Let me see!" "Yuck!" "Mom, can we not talk about my skin, please?" "You know what you really should do?" "Soak a washcloth in some steaming hot water..." "apply is very gently to your chin." " Mom !" " What?" "I'm trying to help." "What is wrong?" "J ust the word "swab, "" "Mom, I may not want to do this." "Mom?" "Do you have any idea, how much time and effort I've already put into this?" " Mom?" " And it's going to be fun." "And you haven't even given it a chance." " What is it, honey?" " Nothing." "Never mind. I mean, okay, I'll do it." "Who taught you, please, who taught you to hate the texture of your hair?" "Who taught you to hate the color of your skin, , , to such extent that you bleach, to get like the white man?" "Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose, , , and the shape of your lips?" "Who taught you to hate yourself, from the top of your head, , , to the soles of your feet?" "Who taught you to hate your own kind?" "Who taught you to hate the race that you belong to?" "So much so, that you don't want to be around each other," "You know, before you come asking M r, Mohammed, does he teach hate?" "You should ask, who yourself who taught you, , , to hate being what God gave you," "When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams..." "he found himself changed into a monstrous vermin," ""What's happened to me?", he thought, lt was no dream," "He thought how simple everything would be lf he could get some help," "There's something the matter with him, his mother said," "There's certainly something wrong with him, , , even though he said this morning that there wasn't," "How something like this, could just take a person by surprise," ""My God!", cried his mother already ln tears," "H urry, get the doctor!" "Dld you hear Gregor talking?" "That was the voice of an animal." "Sharon." "What are you doing?" "The latest dance craze." "Stop!" "What are you doing?" "Kyle, what are you?" "Kyle..." "Give me back my shoe!" "Give me my shoe back, come on." "Sorry, I was just..." "I was just... nevermind." "What?" "Who's in there?" "Sharon and that guy." "So what?" "Were they kissing?" "Or more than kissing?" "He was, like..." "making her beg for her shoe." "I never heard of that." " J ust listen to me." " Give me my shoe back, Kyle." "I will. lf you'll listen." "Okay?" "Now first off, I'm not just interested in you because you..." "because of how you look?" "It's what got my attention, I admit." "But it's not the whole reason." "Okay?" "That's it." "Here's your shoe back." " So what's the whole reason?" " What?" "Tell me why you wanted to go out with me." "And be specific." "Because..." "Thisis embarrassing." "Good." "Your smile..." "I mean, I like it." "Good, next." "You are..." "usually in a good mood." "U nlike now." "Anything else?" "It seemed like you liked me." " l did." " You did, or do?" "It's not just what you've got..." "it's your whole..." "It'syou." "But I must admit, I'm happy you have them." "Why aren't you?" "I'm working on it." "See the Egyptians, they wore eyeliner to ward off the evil spirits." "They believed that if they outlined their eyes..." "that the good spirits would spot them easier." "I read it in a book." "So that's why I tried it." " The eyeliner, I mean." " So you believe in evil spirits?" "No, I'm Catholic." "Basically, I just like how it looks." "Okay." "That kind of makes sense, I guess." "It had become the focus of everything, lt was all I could feel, all I could think about, lt blotted out the rest of my face, the rest of my life," "Llke the zit had become the truth about me," "My hair is so hard to control." "You're so lucky..." "you've got that kind of hair you don't even have to bother with." "Oh, my gosh, look at those dark circles under my eyes." "I am so tired." "I went out late dancing with my boyfriend every night this week." "Lucky you." "You look like you get a good night's sleep, every night." "I have to go places with him and listen to him tell me how he's..." "always thinking about me, and how he gets jealous all the time." " Do you have a boyfriend?" " No." "Oh, my gosh, you are so lucky." "What are you doing here?" "That's a good question. I don't know." "I don't have to go to the bathroom... ever." "Angela!" "Come on, let's go." "Stop screwing around and just pop it, okay?" "So you can get on with your life!" "But won't popping it cause a scar?" "Anything causes a scar." "Living causes a scar." "My mother has a humongous scar from having me." "Does that mean that I should of never been born?" "So you're saying, pop it?" "I got to go." "Don't put concealer on it." "It just clogs your pores worse." "J ust pop it!" " N ice stitching." " Thank you." " l hate basting, it drives me nuts." " Me, too." "N ice design." "It reminds me of Mary Quant." " Say good night." " Good night." "What?" "You hate it." "I don't hate it." "So, can I take it off now?" "What is it?" "What is the matter?" " Nothing. lt's just, we look like..." " Like what?" "Like some kind of warped version of "The Patty Duke Show"." "Get it, Patty Duke?" "Patty?" "Okay..." "Take the dress off." "Take it off." "Now." " Mom?" " No, you are clearly..." "not comfortable with this, I'm not clear why." " You always enjoyed it in the past." " l haven't enjoyed it all that much." "I don't understand why not." "I would think that you would..." "welcome the opportunity to dress up, to look your best." " Who am I looking my best for?" " For you !" "Of course, this is for you." " l mean, I don't" " Mom, just face the facts, okay?" "What facts?" "That I'm ugly, okay?" "J ust face it. I have." "How can you say that?" "How can you possibly" "By looking in the mirror, okay?" "By looking at you, at the way you look at me." "How do I look at you?" "By the way you instruct me on how to wash my face so I don't get zits." "Like you have to fix me." "Like you're ashamed of me." "No, Angela, sweetheart, no." "Because you expect me to be beautiful..." "because you're beautiful." "Well, I'm sorry. I'm not." "I'm just not." " l completely messed up." " l know." "I made it this issue." "I took all the fun out of it." "I put exactly the wrong kind of pressure on her and I just..." " You lost perspective." " Completely lost perspective..." "and I wish someone could tell me why." "I guess it's because, you were kind of..." "caught up with something." "You know, something unconscious and sort of overpowering..." "something that kind of prevented you from acknowledging her insecurities." "Who asked you?" "No, you're right." "Obviously, this fashion show business really means something to you." "It's like you need it, it's like some kind of approval that you're..." "I don't know, kind of starved for." "And that maybe I can't give you because I'm just one person..." "not, you know, the world." " So you're flossing again?" " l'm trying to, yeah." "Well, I blew it." "She feels terrible about herself." "And my timing couldn't have been worse." "The poor thing's..." "former best friend is voted Ms. Bosom, and all she gets is a pimple." " That part's probably my fault." " What?" "I'm kidding." "My fault genetically." "I probably handed pimples down to her." "Please, Graham, everybody gets pimples in high school." " You didn't." " l did to." "Right. I remember now." "That one!" "Come on." "My face was an Italian entree." "You had one, one pimple." "Like this single, perfect rose." "So now, the tables have turned, haven't they?" "I mean, I , like all women, am becoming less and less attractive..." "in the eyes of the world, more and more expendable as I grow older..." "while you, like all men, are considered more desirable and more attractive..." "the older you get." "Of course, you'll die sooner." "That's right." "Well, we'd better have sex right now, then." "You really have no clue how attractive you are, do you?" " l'm not attractive." " Me neither." "You think there's anybody in this world..." "who really believes that they're beautiful?" "Ru Paul." "What?" "What?" "I just can't believe you even know who Ru Paul is." "I can't believe you do." "Ru Paul strikes me as pretty secure." " What?" "What?" " Nothing. I ..." "You're just pretty surprising for somebody I've known forever." "Well, right back at you." " Where's the teacher?" " lt's Rinaldi." "Half the time, he doesn't show so..." "Hey, you know that paragraph we have to write about that bug guy?" " The Metamorphosis?" " Yes, that." "It was due already." "I know. I got extended." "They said if I don't turn something in..." "then they're going to stick me back in Remedial..." "which I'm just, you know, not in the mood..." "to be treated like dirt." "So what happens after he turns bug?" "I mean, how does it end?" "He dies." "They basically kill him." " They who?" " Wait, what book is this?" " Wait, who kills him, exterminators?" " No, his family." " So, he never turns back?" " No, and they turn on him." "But why?" "Because, he's a giant cockroach." "And they can't handle it." "They're repulsed, so they abuse him..." "they starve him..." "but what it seems like when you're reading it..." "is that he dies from loneliness." "It seems possible." "Wait." "So, if they're starving him then why doesn't he just leave?" "What's he going to do?" "Check into a motel?" "He's a cockroach." "Hey, Roach Motel." "The point is, he's the same person inside." "No matter what he looks like." "All the same, if I were him, I'd be out of there, so fast." "Out of where?" "Come here, I was looking for you." "So, Krakow, how come you never ask me over anymore?" "She wants you, go for it." "So, getting back to that metamorphosis story..." "it's made up, right?" "So, look..." "Are you doing this fashion show thing?" "Because my mom keeps holding it up to me that you are." "I was, but I'm not." " So, are you?" " No." "But my mom still thinks we are." "She's, like, in denial or something." "Why do girls have to tear each other down?" "I guess because they're jealous." "I mean, I was..." "of you, for having what you have." "Do you know how many times this week I wished I had what you had?" "But I don't have anything." " Exactly." "Well, this really makes sense." "I guess it just all boils down to what they used to..." " drill into us at Girl Scouts." " What, sell more cookies?" "No!" "No, you know..." "what you are, is, no wait, what your gift is..." "No." "What you have is God's gift to you." "Right." "To you." "And what you..." "do with what you have, is your gift to God !" "Right!" "Exactly." "I can't believe you actually remember that." "Please, are you kidding me?" "We have Girl Scout cookies..." "from three years ago in our garage." "H i." "Where have you been?" "So, was she bragging about Kyle?" "No." " lf you want to be friends with her-- - l don't." "Maybe you do, after all, she's not a slut yet." "You know what?" "How many guys you do or do not sleep with..." "is so none of my business." "It has nothing to do with our friendship, okay?" "Okay." "Turn on the radio, what do you hear?" "Twenty five cheerleaders doing a cheer." "Firecracker, firecracker, boom boom boom." "We've got the muscle, he's just got the brain." "A girl's got the sexy legs, so we win the game!" " Turn on the radio, what do you hear?" " Danielle, cut it out!" "You have recited the same mindless, sexist cheer, like, fifty times." "It's not sexist." "The girls win." "J ust because Mom's mad at you..." "because you don't want to do the fashion show." "I know she really wanted you to." "Yes, it's her dream that I magically turn into this perfect..." "pretty daughter that she can show off and take all the credit for." " Too bad. I don't quite measure up." " Well, you do." "More than I do." " What?" " lt's true. I mean, face it." "Who does she pick to do it with?" "I mean, not that I really wanted to do it that much." "I'll get Danielle headed towards bed." " l'm sorry." " Why?" "Because, I wasted your time." "No, you didn't. I ..." "I think that I ..." "needed you up there with me too much." "More than I want to need it." "Look at you." "Look at how you looked." "Yes, well." "That was then, this is now." "But, look at you." "So, did you love being pretty?" "I don't know." "I don't think I ever really let myself know I was." "I was always really careful not to seem stuck up or vain or confident." "And I look at a picture like that and I see..." "my God, I was pretty." "I was so pretty. I just wish that I had been able to enjoy it." "That's" "All I want for you is..." "to enjoy what you really are." "Mom, do you have any cotton swabs?" "M illions." "So what are we going to do about the fashion show?" "I called Camille, and she's going to try to find..." "another mother-daughter team to model our dresses." "Mom?" "I think I know one." "T H RE E RlVE RS WOM E N'S S H E LT E R" " H i." " H i." "Sometlmes lt seems like we're all living ln some kind of prison," "And the crime ls how much we hate ourselves, lt's good to get really dressed up, once ln a while," "And admit the truth," "That when you really look closely, , , people are so strange and so complicated, , , that they're actually beautiful," "Posslbly even me," " Look, it's Sharon." " Oh, come on."