" So they're just gonna give him 100 grand?" " Cash in a bag." " Just to show up to a party?" " You don't even have to smile, Vin." " Only in America." " No, only in Vegas." "So what do you say, E?" "Should we go?" "As you told Hollywood the town is a bunch of dickheads, I don't think anybody will miss us." " So you say we should go." " Have I ever said no to Vegas?" "Be like saying no to a blowjob." "What do you say, Johnny?" "Vegas?" "Love to, bro, but I'm shooting my pilot on the 30th." " I gotta stay rested." " You're turning down Vegas?" "I'll turn down a lot of things, Turtle, now I'm a working actor." "Get used to it." "Johnny, there are many different Vegases." "You could go and just spot." "Don't you have a masseuse you love over there?" "Yeah, Ken at the Hard Rock." "He's got hands of gold." "It's insane that you let a man rub your body." "What's insane is that you think a massage is sexual." "A real massage requires strong, manly hands, which my boy Ken has got in spades." "After 24 hours with Ken, I'm ready for work." "Absolutely, bro, I'm in." "Nice." "Let's do it." " Who's gonna break the news to Ari?" " Be happy to." "Vin, this is not the time to go to Vegas." "You've got a public image problem." "Hoping by the time I get back, everyone will have forgotten." "Vinnie, we need to get you a job." "You read any of those scripts?" "I thought you might read 'em to me." " What do you mean?" " I mean, we could use a chaperone." " Keep us out of trouble." " I'm not going to Vegas on a Wednesday." " What else you got to do?" " The theatre with the wife and her mother." "Move over, I'm in." "Nice, relaxing Wednesday may be just what I need." "Vegas, baby, Vegas!" "I'm sorry, baby." "I'd rather be at Menopause, the Musical tonight, but I got kidnapped!" " It's true!" " You see that, baby?" "I'm sorry, honey..." " Hello?" "Hello?" " Is she mad?" "She said she'd rather see me gagged and bound like a real kidnappee, so I think so." "Here comes the apology." "Hey, baby." "I put $6 million into this company and find out that you're at the roulette table?" " Babs, how are ya?" " What are you doing, Ari?" "I'm taking care of a high-priority client." "You have 150 clients." "You need to manage your time more efficiently." " You're not my mother, Babs." " Fuck you, Ari." "See, my mother would never speak to me that way." "I hate women!" "Not all women." "Who's got five?" " Ready and waiting, bro." " What's this?" "As kids we'd put five bucks on red." "We win, we knew it'd be a good weekend." " What if you lose?" " Vince never loses." "Five on red." "Come on!" "Red 16." " It's gonna be a good weekend." " Keep the change." "Hey, Vinnie, shall we go halves?" "A gambling partnership." " OK, Ari." " All right." " Vinnie Chase." " Seth." " What's up, dude?" " What's up?" "Are you here for that thing at Body English?" "It should be fun." " I brought my crew." " You know Ari Gold, my agent?" "Never met, big fan." "That's funny, dude." "That pinky bought me a house in Malibu." "Malibu!" "And I think you know E." " Seth, good to see you." " How'd that thing work out for you at the hotel?" " Like I said, it wasn't what it looked like." " Like I said, it never is." "How's Sloan, man?" "She's still good, Seth." "Do me a favour." "Tell her I said, "What up."" " I will." "I'll tell her that." " All right." "See ya." " What's up, Seth?" " Johnny Drama." "How you doing?" " Did you hear about my pilot?" " No." "Congratulations!" " Thanks, bro." " Good for you, man!" "You could use the work." "Every time I see him, he asks me about Sloan and he's got a shit-eating grin on his face." " Don't panic, E." " You'd be jealous if he said they were cousins." " What does that mean?" " You're a jealous guy." " Always have been." " Bullshit." " E, you're like Eric Roberts in Star 80." " How would you know?" " I've heard stories." " Name one example." "Andy Abetemarco." "You punched him because he got to be Audrey Polini's lab partner." "There's more to that story, he stole her frog." " They got married." " Really?" " No, but you're still jealous." " Whatever." " Exactly." "I don't think Seth meant anything." " All right." "Nice room, Turtle." "Boys, fruit's all green." "Easy with that, Ari." "It's from Body English." "100K, Vince." " Nice." " Vinnie, who'd you have to fuck to get that?" " No fucking, Ari." "I just have to go to a party." " Not according to this." "You got a pool event and then drinks with the contestants tonight." "Contestants?" " Says you're judging a beauty contest." " Sounds like a bonus." " I don't know what you got us into." " So far it all looks pretty good." "We'll see." "I'm gonna check it out." "I'm comin' with you." "Vinnie, go win us some money." "Goddamn, I feel at ease." "I'm out." "You brought your own robe?" "Why wouldn't I?" " Mind if we join you?" " Sure." " I'll take some chips, please." " All of it?" " Well, 10 is yours, do what you want." " Really?" " Yeah, man." "Commission." "You earned it." " Thank you, Vince!" "You booked him into this?" " Turtle did." " Nice job managing." "This should be great for his image." " What are you doing?" " I'm on vay-cay." "Getting a cocktail." "All right." "What are we drinking?" " It's been a while." " How are ya, buddy?" "Good to see ya." "You look great." "You look great." "I lost a couple pounds." " Yeah, it shows." " Thanks." "What have you got there?" "California almonds." "I remember last time I was in town you said you couldn't find a decent almond in the desert, so I thought, well..." "I can't believe you remembered." "That's really thoughtful." "I got an elephant's brain." "I remember everything." " You ready?" " Yeah, let's do it," "I'm stressed like a motherfucker." "A little of that, a little of this, some of that..." "All right, come on, baby!" "Come on!" " He should just cancel this." " Definitely." " He's up 2500." " Oh yeah?" "That means I'm up 1250." "Drinks are on me, E." " One more for the road?" " Definitely." "Ken, you have not lost your touch." "These compliments are gonna make me insecure." "Well, don't be." "You've got the gift." " No doubt." " Thanks." "In fact, I'd like to lock you down for the rest of the day." " Really?" " Oh, yeah." "I'll double your rate." "Cos I don't want these hands touching anyone but me." "Hit me." " Sorry, sir." " Hey, you can't stay hot forever." " Hit." " But Turtle can!" "Hey, you signed him up to judge a stripper contest." " Really?" "Titties?" " It's a stripper contest." " Nice." " Vin, you should cancel." " I agree." " Can't cancel." " You can." "Give the money back." " Money's gone." " What?" " I hit a cold streak." " You lost 100 grand?" " Something like that." " But we're partners." " Shit, I forgot." "Means I'm only really down 50." "Shoulda partnered up with me, Ari." "I'm up 1200." "I get to two grand, I'm keeping it stashed to buy me a high class ho." " But Turtle, I gave you 10." " I only pay for pussy with profits." " I thought you never lose." " It's not a loss till we leave." " I'll win it back." "Don't worry." " I'm worried, Vin." "If you want out..." "And miss out when you go on a million-dollar run?" "No way." " All right." " Blow off this stripper thing." " No, it'll be fun." " It will be." " We gotta be at the pool in five minutes." " Let's do it." "Fuck the pool, let's win our money back." "You don't care if he judges a stripper contest?" "Which is worse for his image?" "That he judges a stripper contest, or he loses thousands?" " Table's not going anywhere, calm down." " Hey, yo, E!" "Did you tell Sloan I said, "What up"?" " No, Seth." " Why not?" "Because it was like a half an hour ago." " It's just a call." "Make the call, say, "what up."" " Yeah, E. Make the call, say, "What up."" "So he's saying he fucked my girlfriend?" " I don't know, E." " It's hard to say." "It's not hard." "Seth Green landed on Plymouth Rock before you did, E. Wake up." " No shot." " Can we please go and win some money?" "The strippers aren't here yet." "E, it could've been years ago." "The guy's been in Hollywood since he was like 12." "And Sloan does like her men petite." " I know every guy she's been with." " How?" " You made a list?" " Yeah." "Couples make lists." " You wouldn't know that for obvious reasons." " Where the fuck are these girls?" " You and your wife made lists?" " I'm the only one on it." "Yeah, right." "Look, E, I don't wanna rile you up, but I've done the list thing." " Did you hand over a hard drive, Vin?" " It was big." "But I did leave some off." "So you're saying Sloan left Seth Green off the list?" "I think everybody leaves someone off the list." "Except you." " I'm calling." " Ain't you gonna call your wife, Ari?" "I don't care if my wife's getting fucked right now, Turtle, I need to get my money back!" " Hi, Vince." " Hello." "I'm Joanne, but I go by the stage name of Cheyenne." "I understand you're judging the contest." "What can I do to get you to vote for me?" "Yeah, Vince, what's a girl gotta do to get a vote?" " Vince, we'll be here all day." " Due to circumstances beyond my control..." "Me!" "I have to go." "But talk to my boy, Turtle." "He's the eyes, mouth and ears of this operation." " Enjoy." " The commission, now this?" "It's Christmas." " Hi, Turtle." " How you doin'?" "So you're really his eyes and ears?" "Ken, whatever happened to that pretty little Filipino girlfriend of yours, Annie?" "Sore subject." "She just moved out a week ago." "Fuck her." "Hands like yours, her loss." " Still hurts." " Yeah, I hear you, Ken." "You know what?" "Johnny Drama's got just the cure for your heartbreak." "Really?" "What's that?" "Boys' night out." "Just a good steak, nice bottle of red, couple cigars and some good conversation." "You do that, Ken, and you'll forget all about women in no time." "I don't usually go out socially with clients, Johnny." "Ken, I'd like to think after all this time you see me as more than just a client." " Oh, Eric." "He's so annoying." " Annoying how?" "We were on a teen tour together, and he was obsessed with me for the entire trip." " But you never dated him?" " No, Eric, I never dated him." "This is a tough competition, girls, and what with a $25,000 prize, everybody needs an edge." "Fortunately for you, I left my integrity back in Los Angeles." "My vote is 100% for sale." "Hit me." "Jesus!" "What the fuck are you smirking about?" "Where are you going?" " You can't force the cards." " How much are we down?" "110." "Each." "Jesus!" " We'll get it back after dinner." " I'm not hungry, Vinnie." "You take the reins, maybe you'll have better luck." "Don't go too crazy, I don't wanna lose more than 500 grand." "Bring it." "Bring it!" "So you talked to her and she said nothing happened?" " Right." " Why's he making out something did?" " Cos he's a jerk-off." " Why are you so calm?" "The old E would not have been able to control himself." "The old E, "Mad Dog" E, woulda bit Seth Green's ear off." " I'm a grown man." "I don't fight any more." " Way to be mature." "You're entering your latter years gracefully." "Speaking of latter years..." "Fuck off, E." "How relaxed do I look?" "You look like you died in 1983." "Wait till you see me after a shower, I'm gonna sparkle like the 4th of July." "Wait till dinner." "I got ten of the best strippers in town joining us." "Strippers?" "Why?" " Shouldn't it be, "Strippers?" "Thank you"?" " Thank you." "We don't want girls at the table tonight." "I'm trying to keep this trip free of distractions." " We?" "Who's "we"?" " Ken." "He's gonna be joining us tonight." "You don't want strippers at dinner cos your gay masseuse is joining us?" "I'm really starting to worry about you, Drama." "Please, Turtle, Ken is not gay." "In fact, if I release him on the strippers tonight, you're gonna be shit out of luck." "Please." "Bring it on." "So, have you seen Brokeback Mountain, Kenneth?" "Nah." "I don't get to the movies." " When I'm not working, I'm usually training." " For what?" "It's probably too late for me, but I still dream of the NFL." " You play ball?" " Ken was a superstar at U of A." "I don't know about superstar." "Oh, yes." "Yes, you were." "And a second-round draft pick for the San Diego Chargers." "Went 74 yards and three receptions in his first NFL quarter, then blew out his knee." "Fucking AstroTurf." "That sucks, man." " You really do remember everything, Johnny." " Elephant brain." "Turtle, girls." "Watch this." " Hey, Shelby." " Hi, Turtle." " Crystal." " Hi, Turtle." " Tiffany." " Hi, sweetie." " This is Bunny." "And Minx." " Hey, Turtle." "Yo, E, be cool." "I'm cool, Vince." "I'm totally cool." "What do ya got?" "Come on." "Show me a little love." "What do ya think?" "Fuck!" "Can I have another marker?" "Please?" "This is Mount Kilimanjaro, one of the tallest mountains on earth and it's freezing." "So I say to this girl," ""I'd be happy to give up my canteen for you," ""but what are you gonna give up for me?"" "Fantastic." "I gotta hit the head." "I'll be right back." "So?" " I love him." " I told you." "Let's hit the bar." "Maybe I should check on Ari, see how he's doing." " He can't be doing any worse than you." " Oh, it's Vinnie Chase and the chasers!" "Hey, let me get a couple more Jдger shots for the boys from Queens." " No, thanks." " You don't drink?" "Seth, I stopped drinking Jдger in high school." "But listen, I told Sloan you said, "What up."" " What did she say?" " She said, "What up."" " That's all?" " That's all." "All right." "All right." "You tell her I said, "What up" back." "Yeah, man." "Don't forget to tell her he said, "What up" back." " What is it with them?" "They're like retards." " Yeah, but you were calm." "But is it gonna last, E?" "Or are we doing battle?" "We're not doin' battle." "It ain't gonna happen." "All right." "All this testosterone has put a kink in my neck." "I'll have to get Ken to work that out." "Better hurry up, Drama, he's working one out right now." "Christ almighty." "That's Amber." "Promised me three days in her father's cabin in Montana if she wins." "Turtle, I can't pick someone cos she promised to fuck you." "I don't care who wins." "I cut deals with all of 'em." "Sweetheart, this guy's with me tonight." "I'm sorry, I'm just trying to relax before the competition." "Sorry, sister, I got my own problems." "Fuck you!" "I'm feeling good, Ari." "Let me sit." " How much we down?" " 200 and fuckin' 70!" "We can get that back." " You'll get thrown out, calm down." " He's a little upset." "I'll take another marker for 100,000, please." "Thanks, Sam." "So, Ken, did you get to sample those almonds?" "They were terrific, John." "Brought me back to my childhood." " Yeah, I knew you'd appreciate 'em." " Oh, crap." " They must have closed shop early tonight." " Oh, no." "How about we meet in the morning?" "There's no way I can sleep without a rubdown." "Let's take it back to my room." " Split 'em." " How much is that?" " 75 grand." " Now 150." "Gotta do it." "Split 'em again." "I once saw a guy split six times straight." " No choice." "Double down." " Vinnie, that's 300 grand." " We'll win it back." " Or my kids go to community college." "I'll take this hand myself if you want." " Sorry." " It's OK." "I'd like to split these, please." " Split kings?" " What's it to you?" " I don't want you fucking up my cards." " Sir, you have to let him play his way." " He's playing like a idiot!" " Sir..." " Ari, calm down." " Relax." "You'll get thrown out of the casino with 300,000 on the table." "Calm down." " Looks like I knew what I was doing." " No, you took her break card." "Dealer has 11." "Looks like she would've had 21." "I think an apology is in order." "Shoot me and put me out of my fucking misery." "If only it weren't a crime." "Ari, remain positive." "Summon the cards you desire." "Get a higher power from above." "Come on!" " Can't hurt to try." " Please, God, give us a 10!" "Am I getting that apology?" "You know what, man?" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Come here." "Give it to me." "You know, I don't have my table or anything, Johnny." "That's OK." "We can just use the bed, right?" " I guess." " Cool, I'll go get changed." "Oh, Ken, I got a nice pineapple-coconut-aloe-vera gel." "Is that cool?" "What the fuck are you doing, Ken?" "Johnny, I have never thought about a man..." "in that way." "But the adoration you poured on me today has made me feel that if... this is something that you need..." "Fuck it, it is Vegas!" "Looks like they started already." "No, this is just the pre-show." "We should have a post-show in the suite." "What do you say, Turtle?" "I already ordered four bottles of Cristal and 400 strawberries." "Does money won feel better than money earned, or am I nuts?" "You're nuts." "It's the "We don't drink Jдger" crew!" "What up, E?" "This fucking guy, man." "Did you tell Sloan I said, "What up" again?" "No, Seth, I think one time was all she needed." " What's that mean?" " She said you were obsessed with her." "She doesn't need to feel like you still are." " She said I was obsessed with her?" " Yeah, sorry." "No, that's OK." "No apologies necessary." "In reality, it's more like..." "she was obsessed with this." "You know what?" "Keep fucking dreaming, Seth." "I must have been dreaming about how I blasted her in the face like a Jackson Pollock." "You got a problem?" " Get your fucking hand off me, man." " No, but I do!" "This ought to be good for your image, Vince." "English"