"So, what's going on?" "I just lost my best friends." "What?" "I just lost my best friends." "Yesterday, I..." "What's that?" "Yesterday, I took all the medicine to kill myself." "I've lost everything." "Huh?" "I've lost everything." "They said they don't want anything to do with me anymore." "What?" "They all said they never want to see me again." "Oh, did they?" "So, they actually said that?" "I don't know what to do." "Have you experienced this kind of thing before?" "Yes, many times." "What?" "Many times." "How did you overcome it then?" "Before," "...it was me who left them." "You mean, you are in shock because THEY left you this time?" "It used to be YOU who left your friends." "So, back then, they probably felt the same way you do now." "Do you want to ask them why?" "What do you mean?" "Do you want to ask them..." "What's the problem they have with you?" "You may want to ask them..." "Do I ask them?" "Yes." "By all means." "It must be tough for you not knowing why." "I just want to die." "Well, you can't just die because you have to think of your children, right?" "Do you have any medicine left?" "No." "You took it all?" "Take care of yourself." "Next, please." "Thank you very much." "An Observational Film #2 by Kazuhiro Soda" "MENTAL" "Waiting Room Smoking Permitted" "I have bipolar disorder." "I usually come here to see the doctor at 6:30 a.m." "But this morning, I was too depressed to drive." "So, I had to bother my mother, and asked her to take me here." "I have this desire to..." "well, to kill myself." "I would feel relief if I could kill myself." "While watching my friends I imagine that they are now relieved." "Last July, my best friend also committed suicide by jumping from a tall building." "OK." "Is Ms. Sumida here?" "I'll go look for her." "If she's not here, Mr. Fujii's next." "She's not here." "Mr. Fujii, it's your turn." "Consultation Room" "How are you?" "Well..." "I'm restless." "I'm agitated and It's so hard to relax myself during the day." "Sometimes, I feel I should just kill myself to end this suffering." "But in the evening I chant sutras with my parents, ...and I start feeling relaxed." "Last night at dinner, I told this to my parents." "They said maybe it's because I don't have any work to do." "Of course, I do stuff like delivering milk on Wednesday and Friday, ...but otherwise, I have no set schedule." "That must be why I'm restless, they said." "What's your opinion?" "They might be right, ...but if I could do what I really wanted I wouldn't want to kill myself, I guess." "If only I could do what I wanted everyday." "You chant and you have dinner with your parents in the evening, ...but until then, you're alone, right?" "Yes, I'm alone." "That's when you feel irritated?" "Right." "I suffer when I'm alone." "When I'm with you or other people, I feel calm." "It's solitude or loneliness that's enormously painful for me, I guess." ""A destination to go and a place to be are a reason to live."" "You may want to work on your reason to live." "For example, can you come up with a short-term objective?" "A short-term objective?" "What do you mean by that?" "Like, "I'll complete this and this in a week."" "Wow, I've never thought about that before." "Not at all." "Can you create something like that?" "Like, "I'll finish reading this book."" "Finish reading a book?" "I see." "That could be an objective, too, huh?" "Why don't I try this..." "listening to FEBC radio ...on the internet for two weeks?" "I really like listening to that program because it calms me." "That's a great objective for you." "Then, when you set a goal," "...tell it to me or one of your friends." "Like, "I'm going to do such and such in a week."" "By telling your friends, ...you share your experience with them." "Do you know what I mean?" "So, like I can tell it to Sasaki?" "That's right." "By doing that, you connect with people." "People will also have something to talk about with you." "Please think about a "destination to go."" "Like a life destination?" "OK." "Destination to go Place to be" " Reason to live" "I am a thousand winds that blow..." "This is a beautiful place, isn't it?" "I love it when looking up." "Yes, I'm here about twice a week." "I come here even when I don't have to see the doctor because it's fun, and it's a change of pace." "I should have put on lipstick today." "Dr. Yamamoto diagnosed me with atypical psychosis and depression." "Depression is really painful." "You can't understand the pain unless you've experienced it." "All you can think about is dying." "You can't eat, you can't take a bath, you can't do anything." "It's so tough." "You have no idea how painful it is." "I constantly torture myself saying "I'm no good, I'm no good."" "But only recently, I began to be able to accept myself, ...just like Dr. Yamamoto kept telling me." " Can you go in?" " OK." "You said you received a letter?" "Yes, a strange letter." "This is weird." "He's got my right address." "Dear Madame," "Autumn has come, the season for sex." "Don't masturbate." "Just have sex." "Do you like smoking?" "Yours, Hashimoto" "This is sexual harassment, isn't it?" "It's terrible." "I should ignore this, right?" "I shouldn't report it to the police, should I?" "What do YOU think you should do?" "I think I should ignore it." "If something should happen, I'll have this as evidence." "You haven't called him, right?" "No way." "I'll just keep the letter for now." "Here you go." "Sueta, thank you for waiting." " One night?" " Yes." "I'm not supposed to speak to the other guests, right?" "No, it's fine, you can." "This room." "Let's get some fresh air." "It's a bit stuffy." "And I've got to give you a key to the room." " Can I go get it?" " Yes." "See you later, then." "Why are you staying here tonight?" "Well, I hear voices when I'm at home." "They tell me to get out." "So, I slept on the street for two days." "It was really hard." "So, I went to see a doctor at Kawada mental hospital, ...but I didn't feel better." "I came here, and remembered they had a short-stay facility, ...so I decided to use it." "But I'll go home tomorrow." " You slept on the street?" " Yeah." "Where?" "In a park." "I slept in a park." " Didn't you get bitten by mosquitoes?" " Yeah, I did." "What do the voices tell you?" "They tell me to get out of my home." "They say I'm not needed there." "And lots of other things." "I was so terrified and left home on Friday... no, on Saturday." "But I didn't have too much money, so I slept in the park." "Whose voice is it?" "I don't know." "I don't recognize it, but it's a man's voice." "Actually, I kind of recognize his voice." "It sounds like my dad." "He left us more than 20 years ago," "...so I don't even remember his face." "But I remember his voice, and that's what I hear I guess." "I'm glad I can sleep here tonight, though." " Hello." " Yes." "This is your receipt, change, and the key." "It's for this door." "Was there an incident that originally triggered your illness?" "Yes." "When I was around 20, ...I didn't get along with my mom." "Back then, word processing was new, ...and I was taking a class to learn how." "But I kept it a secret from my mom because she opposed whatever I did." "But since I went there every Sunday, ...she asked me why I go out every Sunday." "I told her the truth, and she was furious." "She locked me up in our house to prevent me from going." "So I had to stop taking classes." "Then, she became ill." "She got uterine cancer and had to be hospitalized." "Since my father wasn't around, ...I had to take care of everything." "I had to go to the hospital, talk to the doctor, discuss treatments things a mature adult would take care of." "But I was only 24 at the time." "It was so overwhelming and just too much." "One day, I bought a bunch of pills and took them all to die." "Then, I felt sick to my stomach and called a helpline." "They said, "How can I help you?"" "I told them to please let me die." "I also told them I opened the gas pipe." "They said to close it, but I didn't." "They traced the call, came to my house, ...and took me to Kawasaki Hospital." "The doctor there said I should be hospitalized." "Since then, I've been battling my illness." "But when I was married, ...my husband didn't let me visit the mental hospital." "When we lost our first child, ...I got really sick and was hospitalized again." "After I got out of the hospital, ...I continued to visit the mental specialist, ...but I kept it a secret from my husband, ...because he threatened to divorce me if I kept visiting the hospital." "Eventually, I had to stop seeing the doctor." "We were married for 12 years, ...but when it was over, I became even sicker and started having hallucinations." "So, I began to visit this place, Chorale." "But then I was hospitalized again at Kawada Mental Hospital for a year." "For a year?" "Yeah, I was in and out." "I would take too much medicine, get hospitalized, then get discharged 6 times in one year." "You mean, you wanted to die all those times?" "Right." "But the doctor told me that I can't kill myself by taking medicine." "He told me I shouldn't even try." "Then, he tried to push me out of the hospital." "I opposed leaving the hospital because I didn't want to be in my apartment." "I begged him to let me stay until I got better, ...but he refused, and abandoned me." "How did you lose your child?" "Abuse." "Who abused him?" "I did." "When the baby was 1 month old, ...my husband worked nights as a truck driver." "While he was gone, the baby kept crying." "I gave him milk, changed his diaper, cradled him in my arms, ...but he never stopped crying." "I didn't know what to do." "It was really exhausting." "But my husband never understood me." "Since the baby slept during the day, ...he never saw him really crying." "He said, "My ex-wife had no problem raising kids." "You should be able to do it, too."" "But it was my first child, ...and even my mom didn't help me at all." "I was all alone and helpless." "I took the baby to the 1 month exam, ...and realized that he weighed less than before." "The doctor told me that I'm a lousy mother, ...which made me really depressed." "I wish he could give me advice rather than saying I'm a bad mother." "One day, I had a quarrel with my husband before he left for work." "I was really desperate." "Then, the baby started crying, and I covered his mouth." "He stopped moving, ...so I tried artificial respiration but didn't work." "I called an ambulance, and it showed up with the police." "The cops handcuffed me, ...and took me to the station to interrogate me." "At that time, my baby was in a vegetable-like state." "The doctor told me he probably wouldn't recover." "At best, he'll remain a vegetable, he said." "A month later, they called me because he was dying." "When we arrived, it was midnight." "We were hungry, so we decided to have some take-out." "My brother bought some Tonkatsu bento boxes for us." "My mom and I, my brother, and my husband were there." "When we were eating, ...the doctor said that my baby had already died." "I believe he didn't tell us when he was actually dying because we would have been too out of control." "We had a funeral, took the bones home, ...and kept them at a Buddhist temple since we had no family grave." "After that, every time we visited the temple, ...my husband and I were dead silent." "And every time we had a fight, ...he accused me of ruining our marriage by killing our child." "It's true I killed him, but it made me so sad." "Really sad." "I was always weeping." "A cop told me that I'll be burdened with my deed forever." "I can never forget what he said." "One year later, I gave birth to my second child." "He's supposed to have a big brother, ...and I really wish I could watch him growing up now." "Sometimes, I see my dead son in my dreams." "He's in 8th grade, and he smiles at me." "I feel he might have forgiven me, ...but I know it's just wishful thinking." "These are the ingredients for the soup." "Yamakawa, how should I cut this?" "Well, it's up to you." "Oops, I spilled some coffee." "That's not good... hold it, hold it." "Just a moment." "Let's stop the water." "What should I do?" "It's OK." "Now only water will drain." "Just wait a little bit." "Can I put this here?" "Hello." "Hi, welcome." "480 yen, please." "Thank you for the exact change." "Mini-Chora Menu" " Macaroni au gratin" " Vegetable soup" " You want some crown daisy?" " Yes." "Dream Studio "Pastel"" "Milk" "It's hot today, isn't it." "It sure is!" "Sorry that I haven't been around lately." "Good morning." "I'm delivering milk." "Thank you." "Bowwow!" " Can I get change?" " Sure." "That's for Kawai. 1880 yen." "Coffee purchasing:" "April..." "May..." "Pastel, the milk delivery service, is profitable." "But Mini-Chora, the restaurant, is rather difficult." "If you didn't have any grants from the government, ...could you still run them?" "That would be hard." "If we continued to pay patients the way we do, ...both Pastel and Mini-Chora would go under." "The Supporting Independence of People with Disabilities (SIPD) Bill will soon pass in the Diet, so everything will be different." "The Diet is Discussing SIPD Bill" "Can Lawmakers Ease the Anxiety of the Disabled?" "First, an announcement." "Koseiren activists had a meeting last Friday." "They decided to submit a list of demands..." "Reconsider the SIPD Bill!" "They decided to submit a list of demands..." "Reconsider the SIPD Bill!" "Reconsider the SIPD Bill!" "...regarding the SIPD bill to the Liberal Democratic Party, ...regarding the SIPD bill to the Liberal Democratic Party, ...in addition to Okayama city government." "Medical Expenses for the Disabled Jump from "Zero" to "10%"" "Medical Expenses for the Disabled Jump from "Zero" to "10%" If the SIPD bill becomes a law," "Medical Expenses for the Disabled Jump from "Zero" to "10%"" "Medical Expenses for the Disabled Jump from "Zero" to "10%" ...we worry that medical expenses for patients will increase, ...we worry that medical expenses for patients will increase, ...and that many of you might not be able to receive proper treatment because you may choose to see the doctor less frequently or to take cheaper medicines." " Kojima here has a proposal." " No, it's Dr. Yamamoto's." "Is that so?" "Anyway, Kojima consulted the doctor because he's worried about life after his parents are dead." "He wants to have a meeting with people who share the same anxiety." "He proposes having a discussion while drinking sake at Ozeki." "I'm not sure what you mean." "Do you want to discuss things we should prepare for when our parents die?" "Or, do we just express our general anxiety in the meeting?" "Well, I'm just worried." "Kojima, you'll chair the meeting, right?" "I have no idea how to survive if I'm left alone." "You mean, financially?" "I'll need breakfast, lunch, dinner..." "Aha." "You don't know how much you'll need to live?" "Right." " Your mother takes care of it now?" " Yes." "I see." "The doctor told me to make a copy and file it here." "I made a copy." "Let's file it." "What's that?" "An application for "sickness  injury benefit."" "When you are sick and need to stop working, ...the benefits can be paid to the patients from the government agency in lieu of the salary they lost." "But you need a letter of explanation from the doctor." "Usually, they pay you if the doctor submits the necessary documents, ...but this time, they asked for further details." "So, the doctor is replying to their questions." "It's a lifeline for many patients." "Can I buy a ticket for the Chorale year-end party?" "2,000 yen, please." "Here you go." "Can you sleep at night?" "The drug you prescribed, Perospirone?" "It's way too strong." "Let's reduce Flunitrazepam to 1 mg." "Can you try that?" "Let's also reduce Fluvoxamine little by little." "Okay." "Thank you." "I'm suffering from... eating disorders." "Since I was little," "I've always had a problem getting along with other people." "I felt something like a balloon inside me kept growing little by little." "At one point, ...somebody said something really terrible to me, ...and the already big balloon just exploded." "What he said just pushed my button." "What did he say to you?" "He said my legs are fat." "I wanted to work somewhere, but nobody hired me." "Dr. Yamamoto suggested I learn to make prescriptions to work in this room." "His suggestion made me happy because I felt he trusted me enough to work in this room that is off-limits." "Here's Flunitrazepam... oops, actually, it's Paxil." "I tried to take a walk yesterday, but I couldn't." "Because of the drug?" "Yes." "It contained some muscle relaxant." "Please hold." "Sasaki, a phone call from the National Health Insurance Organization." "Oh, they must have an answer now." "Hello, this is Sasaki speaking." "Aha..." "Oh, I see." "Thank you very much." "Wow, it was bad news." "What did they say?" "They said they reduced the drug coverage from 42 days to 28 days." "What?" "They just cut 14 days of Akineton and Risperdal because 42 days is too long." "Is that what they said?" "42 days is too long for the drugs." "Some patients like Negishi are receiving too many days' worth." "They may get rid of them as well." "We need to be careful with the Kurashiki city government." "They are tough." "Maybe it was a tough doctor." "It's sad because this was the second review they had." "They reviewed things twice, and said no." "They don't even listen to us." "We're gonna have the same problem with many other patients losing medication." "Right." "I don't know what to do." "If a pharmaceutical company like us did the test, ...you may be suspicious of some kind of bias." "But this test was done by a public organization in the US, ...and the report was published in the New England Journal." "Many university researchers praise this test." "I see." "For chronic schizophrenia, it is important for patients to be able to keep taking the medicine for a long time." "We believe Zyprexa is best suited for their needs." "Please try it for some patients with serious symptoms." "Thank you for your time." "Stomache medicine." "This one is for constipation." "I tend to get constipated because of the drugs." "This is to prevent panic attacks." "This is to take before I go to sleep." "The red ones are Vegetamin." "If you take too many, you could die." "I also take these white ones." "They're strong enough to put a normal person to sleep for a few days." " You're not a normal person?" " Well, I'm just too used to it." "This is an anti-depressant." "This is a tranquilizer." "This... when you're agitated, you take it." "Humans can't take this many drugs." "How do you pay for all these medications?" "Since I'm on welfare, I don't have to pay." "But they're changing laws to make us pay for 10%." "If that happens, we just won't survive." "Thanks a lot, PM Koizumi." "Actually, it took forever to receive my first welfare checks." "It would have been OK if I was alone, ...but I have two kids to feed." "I had no choice but to sell my body, wandering around the streets at night." "Back then I was slim - a real beauty." "I'm now too fat for that, ...but I was attractive enough, back then." "I negotiated a price and earned some money at night." "It was so humiliating." "How old are your kids?" "They are 13 and 11... no, 10 years old." "They live in this institution for children which was established by a Buddhist temple." "My kids call me once a week, ...and talk for 10 minutes each." "Dear Mommy, how are you?" "Today is Valentine's Day!" "My biggest wish in the world is for Mommy to get well." "Enjoy the milk chocolate from Hokkaido." "Please be happy!" "This letter is my little treasure." "Mom and my big sister" "You're not alone." "This is me." " You look so different." " I know." " Can I speak to the camera?" " Sure." "Junichiro, come back to me." "Who's that?" "My son." "I haven't seen him for 3 years now, because I'm mentally ill." "Do you ever contact him?" "He refuses my calls." "He doesn't pick up when you call?" "Well, he hangs up as soon as he hears my voice." "He must hate me so much." "He sometimes visits his grandmother." "I think he didn't like what he saw when I was seriously sick." "But I wanna see him." "That's only natural." "Yeah, I miss him so much!" "Welfare Designated Doctor" "I've got to start preparing for the landing since I'll probably die in about 20 to 30 years..." "But meanwhile, I'm getting nervous because the government is even cutting welfare." "I thought welfare was our last resort to rely on, ...but it may be gone when we need it most." "I don't feel any kindness in society anymore." "There is nothing but bad news all the time." "What happened to the idea of moving to a remote village?" "Become a farmer?" "I still like that idea." "The other day, I bumped into my cousin who lives in a village, ...so I asked him, "how much cash do you need to live for a month?"" "He said, "60,000 yen."" "You mean, including the cost of seedlings and fertilizer?" "Well, he told me that people in the village give you their leftovers if you're new." "Wouldn't it be OK if you had connections?" "You wouldn't be all alone." "For mental patients like us, ...money can be the best medicine sometimes." "It's true that money could make you feel better, but only temporarily." "I know that money can't solve everything." "But I believe it could solve half of our problems." "I guess you're right..." "Old Age / Childhood" "Manhood / Productive Years" "It goes around the circle." "Then death comes to end your life?" "No, maybe it doesn't end there." "Childhood" "Manhood" "Old Age" "Death" "Death" "Which one do you prefer?" "I want to believe in this circular one." "It fits my Buddhist belief, too." "You're probably ready to switch your philosophy to the circular one." "Yeah, I'm already preparing for landing." "You used to be going straight like this." "You see?" "Take it easy." "You're living with your parents." "So, your mom fixes your meals, right?" "Do you want to try cooking?" "What do you mean by "luxurious food"?" "Sushi." "Sushi?" "Hand-shaped?" "That's tough to make." "For example, you shouldn't throw away the outer leaves of the lettuce." "It's delicious if you boil it." "You can also put it in miso soup." "Anyway, it's much more economical to cook yourself." "What is the easiest dish for somebody with no cooking experiences?" "Actually, I cooked once in Showa period 58 (1983)." "I did it once in Showa 58." "Once in 58 years?" "No, in Showa 58." "You cooked once in Showa 58 at school?" "No, at home." "Also, I need a wife." "I can't give you a wife although I can teach you how to cook." "Kojima, no store has wives for sale." "My son doesn't even have one yet." "But a wife can feed you for sure." "Dr. Yamamoto, in terms of a short-term objective, ...I declared to Sasaki that I'm going to listen to FEBC radio on the internet everyday for the next 2 weeks." "Didn't I, Sasaki?" "An Opposing Party You Can Rely On - The Japanese Communist Party" " Slice it?" " Yes." " Can I use a slicer?" " It's up to you." "Don't cut your finger." "Be careful." "Angle it this way..." "That's right." "It works better that way." "Let's stir fry it next." "It's making me cry." "Let's turn on the fan for ventilation." " How high?" " 860 degrees." "Do I just leave it?" "Yes." "But check it once in a while." "Put some aluminum foil on it if it gets too dark." "Today, we had doria sauce for only one person." "But usually, you should double the amount." "So, I'm going to write down the recipe using doria sauce for 2 people." "Menu:" "Doria, Koya tofu with Chinese cabbage and eggs" "When it boils, add the Koya tofu." "Can you remember how to do this?" "Add Koya tofu..." "You see?" "What do you want to cook next week?" "How about... fish?" "What kind of fish do you have?" "Did I see a mackerel in the freezer?" "Let's make boiled mackerel with soy sauce, and miso soup." "4 p.m. to 5 p.m. today, right?" "Home Helper Services Log" "OK." "See you." "How are your symptoms lately?" "Symptoms?" "I hear voices everyday." "And I don't know what I'm capable of at any moment." "I can't predict what I'll do in just a few minutes." "Something in my head, I call it "the invader,"" "...might take over, and do something beyond my control." "Hail Amida Buddha" "It's not so often..." "maybe once every five years, ...something happens where I can't control myself." "But it really does happen." "And I'm responsible for it." "For example?" "Well, I fear that I might commit a crime." "In other people's eyes, ...there will be no doubt that I'm the one who did it, ...so I'll be held responsible." "Nobody will say that "the invader" in my head committed the crime because I actually did it." "If I end up in court, ...I'm ready to take responsibility." "If you keep your room clean, you may feel better." "You know?" "Do you want to try cleaning the floor?" "Let's try it here." "Only the entrance area, okay?" "You could lose some weight doing it, too." "Try just that area." "Only a little bit." "Let's lose some weight." "You'll be slimmer before you know it." "You did a great job." "It looks beautiful." "What an accomplishment!" " You haven't done that in a while?" " No, because I was hospitalized." "I think it's clogged inside." " Inside the pipe?" " Yes." "Yeah, since it looks fine on the outside." "How are you doing?" "I can't open it." "You can't?" "Do you want to use chopsticks?" "Just stick it in there." "I got it open." "Stir it." "Nothing's coming out." " Nothing?" " No." "Then, it must be deeper." " Take a bath once in a while." " Okay." "It's 3:00 p.m." "You're right." "Time to fill it out." "Today is the 19th..." " What time do you usually wake up?" " Six o'clock." " In the morning?" " Yes." " So early." "What time do you go to bed?" " Two o'clock." " That's late." " I can't sleep." "That's tough." "I'll seal it." " I'll see you next week." " Yes." "Okutani will come on Friday." "Be well." "Try to lose some weight." "See you." "Thank you." "Home Helper Services Log" "She can use up to 10 hours of housekeeping services." "Yotsuya's next." "Absolute God, Buddha, Human Existence..." "Excuse me." "Where's the nearest bank?" "Well, you go past the convenience store, and just go straight." "Hello, this is Sasaki speaking." "You had fun eating tangerines?" "That's a unique way of having fun." "And it was at midnight?" "Thank you for dinner." "It was delicious." "No problem at all." "No... well, you can call me whenever you want." "Why?" "Please don't be sorry." "OK." "Thank you very much." "Bye." "Was that a patient?" "Yes." "I visit her home once a month." "It's hard for her to visit here." "She doesn't have friends and she's around the same age as me." "So, I visit her just to have fun playing cards, taking a walk, ...having dinner together, singing Karaoke." " Royal Copenhagen is over with?" " Yeah." "How about this Noh theater event?" "The admission is included." "What are you looking for?" "Many patients have a hard time enjoying their weekends." "So, we make a list of events and put it up on the board." "What aspects do you consider when looking for such events?" "The cost." "It's no good if it's too expensive." "It would be best if it's a free event." "Hopefully with a free drink!" "How is the financial situation of this clinic?" "Financial situation?" "Dr. Yamamoto is too generous sometimes." "For example, he often doesn't charge for psychotherapy." "I don't think we're making too much money." "I think he does this as kind of a hobby." "It's surviving only because his salary is so low - 100,000 yen a month." "100,000 yen a month?" "Yes." "It used to be zero." "Am I revealing too much?" "We have too many employees." "That's right." "The cost of keeping us is significant." "But Dr. Yamamoto wants to have enough people to serve the patients." "Otherwise, we couldn't spend enough time on the phone or in the waiting room." "A regular clinic has fewer staff." "Do you receive enough salary?" "Yes, more than the doctor." "The doctor receives his pension now." "He has pension, salary, and some lecture fees?" "But he lectures at places that are so low budget that other doctors would refuse." "Visiting Nurses Training Course" "Could you please turn the paper over?" "And draw what I say without asking me any questions." "Draw a square." "On top of that, draw three circles evenly." "Are you done?" "Compare it with other people." "Inside the square?" "That's the point!" "Or above the square?" "You see?" "You drew quite differently than each other, right?" "This is the result of one-way communication." "The best thing is to ask the patients." "They're ignored by everybody, and then they think of themselves as worthless." "I think your work is so important." "I have a question." "I visited a patient who had broken bones." "And my task was to do some rehabilitation." "But when I met her, ...I found out that she got injured while trying to kill herself." "The doctor who asked me to help rehabilitate her isn't a mental health specialist." "But, obviously the patient is mentally ill." "And nobody in her family wants to talk about it." "It's like a taboo." "And, since she jumped from the second floor of the house, ...her mother doesn't want her to do the rehabilitation work which involves going up and down the stairs." "But the patient wants to do the rehabilitation." "So, I'm torn in the middle." "In such a case, ...you may want to support what the patient wants." "But, it's difficult because the parents usually have some power." "So, little by little, ...you want to let the patient make her own decisions by asking what she wants to do." "It's important to support her so she can be an independent person." "My heart is like this glass." "This glass emits something different from normal glass." "It emits kindness." "The Chinese character for "kindness" is a combination of "man" and "grief."" "The more grief you have, the kinder you become." "OK, cut!" "What the hell..." "What the hell was that?" "If you analyze the Chinese characters for "hypocrite,"" "...it means "doing something for others."" "If you think you're doing something for other people, ...it means you're a hypocrite." "If you think you're doing something for yourself, ...or for God, or for Buddha, ...you may be doing an actual good thing." "The best thing you can do to heal your own mental wounds is to take care of other people's wounds." "I'm sure you have that kind of experience?" "If you listen to somebody else's problems, ...your own heart will also be healed." "Cut!" "I have a chopstick here." "Could you send some psychic power towards me?" "Oops, you saw how it works!" "I can be a steam train." "Like this." "I'm a steam train, shuppo, shuppo, shuppoppo!" "Mother Theresa gave this great prayer by St Francis of Assisi." "Where there is hatred, let me sow love, where there is injury, pardon;" "where there is discord, harmony;" "where there is sadness, joy;" "where there is doubt, faith;" "where there is darkness, light;" "O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be understood, to be loved, as to love;" "for it is in loving that we are loved;" "it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;" "and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life." "When you are as great as Mother Theresa, ...some pretty evil thoughts surface in your head." "It's written in the Bible," "So I find this to be a principle:" "When I want to do what is good, evil is right there with me." "In other words, if you are a policeman, ...you can't be just "good" to fight evil." "In order for you to fight and control evil, ...you need to be somewhat evil, too." "You know what I mean?" "OK, cut." "Have you known Dr. Yamamoto for a long time?" "Yes, for 25 years." "How did you meet him?" "When I was in high school, I studied for 18 hours a day, ...without sleeping much." "Since there are 24 hours a day, ...there were only 6 hours left to do everything else, ...such as sleeping, commuting, and taking a bath." "I continued that routine for 6 months, ...and one day, I finally collapsed." "It was too much." "Then, when I took tests at high school, ...I didn't write any answers to the questions." "Instead, I gave each teacher a grade and submitted it." "Like, "I give you 70 points because the way you teach is pretty good."" "Or, "I give you 30 points because your jokes really suck."" "And the teachers started saying that I'm insane." "They thought I had gone crazy." "So, I met Dr. Yamamoto." "Back then, you could graduate high school if you attended at least 75 days." "So, Dr. Yamamoto told me to aim for that, and he prescribed some drugs." "But in those days, the side effects of drugs were horrible." "I got terrible headaches which felt like my head was being hit by a hammer." "And I couldn't speak at all because it gave me a stutter." "Meanwhile, Dr. Yamamoto kept telling me," ""You should take your time." "Live like a turtle, not like a rabbit."" "Then, I entered a college majoring in social services." "But I worked too much there, too." "I worked as a truck driver during the day, ...and took classes at night." "It was too much, and I fell apart again." "That was in Nagoya." "I had only 20 or 30 yen left in my wallet, ...so I made a collect call to Dr. Yamamoto." "He remembered me even though we were out of touch for a year." "He asked me "Sugano, how are you doing?"" "I said "I only have 20 or 30 yen left."" "Then he said "OK, I'll come see you tomorrow."" "I didn't know what he meant by that, ...but the next day, I got a phone call from him." "He said "I'm in front of a pachinko parlor." "Where's your apartment?"" "I rushed to the pachinko parlor, and I couldn't believe my eyes." "He was standing there!" "He came all the way to Nagoya, just to save one person." "So, whatever happens, he is my only doctor." "I owe him so much." "I won't be able to live if I forget about this." "OK, cut!" "This gentleman, his name is Iku Miyake." "He's a great man." "Just like Dr. Yamamoto, he's considered a goliath." "He was the top student at Asahi High School for 3 years, ...entered Tokyo University, but quit because it was full of idiots." "Then, he entered Okayama University, a top medical school." "But he worked too hard, and became sick." "Since he is the "Black Jack" of Chorale, ...if I ever get lung cancer, ...I'd ask him to do a transplant operation." "He has no license, but he's a great doctor." "He's a graduate of Okayama Univ." ""Black Jack" of Chorale." "But he's expensive." "How much do you charge?" "Unlike me, he is a man of few words, ...a Japanese man from the good ol' days." "That's his style." "He's so cool, isn't he?" "How much will you give me for today's lecture?" "10 yen?" "20 yen?" "Or, you can just give me chocolate for Valentine's Day." "Cut." "Actually, I need some money to fix my teeth." "I can't speak clearly because of many bad teeth." "Give me some to fix my teeth." "For 40 years I've been dealing with my illness." "I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 20, and I'm now 60 years old." "What's the purpose of your film?" "Any theme?" "Well, I feel that for healthy people, ...the world of mental illness is hidden behind a curtain." "Aha." "Filmmaker Soda shoots mentally ill patients." "So, my purpose is to get rid of this curtain..." "So, my purpose is to get rid of this curtain..." "Film shoot by Soda in progress." "So, my purpose is to get rid of this curtain..." "Film shoot by Soda in progress." "Film shoot by Soda in progress." "...and see what's going on behind it." "I'm curious." "...and see what's going on behind it." "I'm curious." "I understand that healthy people put a curtain on mentally ill patients." "But the sad thing is that sometimes, ...we patients isolate ourselves from regular people with a curtain, too." "In my case, when I was 25, I got rid of the curtain, or the prejudice inside me." "People certainly have prejudice against us, ...but I thought I can at least get rid of my own prejudice against myself." "How did you actually get rid of that?" "Well..." "I don't know how to put it." "But, when my condition was getting better, ...I started to understand regular people better." "I asked myself, "It's true I'm mentally ill, ...but if you're healthy, does that mean you're perfect?"" "I realized that not one person in this world is absolutely perfect." "It doesn't matter if he's healthy or sick, ...but nobody as a whole person is perfect." "Nobody." "A person might be labeled "healthy,"" "...but he definitely has some shortcomings just like I have my illness." "When I realized this, ...I thought I could contribute to society in my own way." "For example, in the company I worked for, ...I decided to compensate for what other people weren't good at." "That's the way I've been fighting." "That's the way I've been living." "Chorale Okayama" "I'm joining a band." "What band?" "A music band." " A patients' band?" " No, a regular one." "You're brave." " Is it risky?" " No." "When I joined a local volleyball team, ...it was hard because I was always worried about the way they thought of me." "I became too paranoid to enjoy volleyball." "So, it didn't last too long." "I'm impressed to hear that you're gonna join a band." "You may be right though." "Healthy people have no mercy sometimes." "Unlike people here, they don't know how we are." "Now I'm getting worried." "I'm sorry." "No, it's fine." "At that time, besides volleyball," "I was hoping to train myself to regain my self-confidence to live and work in regular society." "But..." "I see..." "I'm thinking of joining a band." "But as I was speaking to a friend of mine, ...I kind of got scared because it might be tough for me to deal with regular people." "You'll be just fine." "But somebody told me I'm brave." "Until then, I didn't realize it was a brave thing to do." "I think you should cherish your own desire." "I'm worried that people might keep their distance." "I don't think they will." "The most important thing is that you enjoy the music." "Right." "You join a band to enjoy music, right?" "I kind of lost my self-confidence." "I feel like I can't get along with regular people anymore." "They're not so different from you." "By the way, what do you think of me registering as "disabled" to receive benefits?" "It might be beneficial if you don't have any prejudice against doing that." "It depends on how you feel." "If you feel that you're not different no matter what your status is, ...I recommend that you register." "If your status affects how you perceive yourself, then you shouldn't register." "Mr. Soda, can you get me some soda?" "Soda, soda, please buy us some soda." "I'd like to show this to you, Soda." "These are photos I took." "Who's this?" "My mother in law." "That's right." "This... is my mom." "She passed away 13 years ago." "This is my white snake." "He's eating a mouse." "Is he really eating it?" "Is it alive?" "Are they dead?" "Frozen?" "Do you buy them?" "Wow!" "These... are dandelions." "Look at how short their stalks are." "They're stepped on so many times, but strong enough to survive." "Can you please read my poem?" "Me?" "Lily bells blossomed in the garden" "So small and white" "Just like you" "So modest they're looking down" "Lily bells, lily bells" "Listening closely" "I hear your kind voice ringing in my ears" "This one has no photo." "Sorry" "I wish I could suffer instead of you" "Sorry" "Wow..." "It's touching." "It's touching." ""Now"" "I'm living now" "That's enough" "That's everything" "This is young Sugano." "What?" "He resembles the actor Masaki Kanda." "He... certainly has changed." "Too bad." "He does resemble the actor." "Wow, Dr. Yamamoto!" "Let's read this." ""Diamond"" "To make a diamond shine," "You need an even stronger diamond, I realized" "Our own Dr. Yamamoto." "He's divine." "Greater than Buddha." ""Smile"" "If everybody smiled how peaceful it would be" "That's why I smile" "Starting from today" "This is also young Sugano." "I can't believe they're the same human being." ""Feeling"" "Instead of text books" "I put my frog in the backpack, and went to school" "I don't want to forget that feeling" "Is this you, Sugano?" "Wow." ""Wild Flowers"" "Hit by rain" "Blown by wind" "More beautiful you became, wild flowers" "We already read this one?" ""Mother"" "12 years have passed since my mom died" "I'm hungry, Mom" "I love that." "It's great." " Did we read "Jekyll and Hyde"?" " No." ""Jekyll and Hyde"" "Jekyll and Hyde" "When will you leave me alone," "Mr. Hyde?" "We've read that." ""Mother Theresa's Card"" "The fruit of silence is prayer" "The fruit of prayer is faith" "The fruit of faith is love" "The fruit of love is service" "The fruit of service is peace" "You're smart, Sugano." "No, this is Mother Theresa's." "She put these words on her card." "Is that so?" "It's so awesome." ""Thank you"" "Since my cross is too heavy" "Many people help me carry it" "Thank you" "I love this picture." "The fingers support each other." ""Thank you"" "I hear your voice" "Carried by the wind" "Thank you" "Such a beautiful sound" "I didn't understand it yesterday." "Let me say it, too" "Thank you" "Do I read this?" "Wow, "root"?" ""V9"" "V9=+3" "+3 is right" " 3 is also right" "Different answers" "Different opinions" "Can both be right, I realized." "Aha." "That makes sense." "That's it." "Thank you very much." "I couldn't pronounce, "root."" "Sugano, you're such a great poet!" "You've got to publish this." "It'll sell." "No way." "How about self-publishing?" "No way." "I'm 2 million yen in debt." "Why are you telling us?" ""Judgment"" "Why do you have to feel so ashamed?" "Why can't you be free?" "Why?" "It's probably because you're judging yourself in your mind." "Look at the picture." "Can I read my tanka?" "Of course!" "Stroking my head I praise myself for living until today." "Stroking my head I praise myself for living until today." "It's so tough to live honestly feeling the cold despise from society." "It's so tough to live honestly feeling the cold despise from society." "Awesome." " Can I read my haiku?" " Sure!" "Bitten by a mosquito I want a bite of pork curry." "Oof!" "Pastel" "Hello..." "My number is 177..." "What the hell?" "You need one more digit?" "It's a 9 digit number, right?" "Application for city housing" "Are you accepting applications for housing for the disabled?" "So, you want me to visit you for nothing?" "You want me to waste my time, huh?" "You know, actually, I can't buy National Health Insurance, ...because I don't have a certificate of residence." "In short, what would happen if I received beggar benefits?" "You got me right." "Beggar benefits." "You have an office for that, right?" "Yeah." "So what I'm saying is..." "Hey, you!" "Hello." "I need a certificate of income." "I don't remember the address I put when I paid taxes." "It was not a regular residence." "To be frank with you, it was my "second home."" "You know there's a prison in Naka-district?" "That's where I was at." "Alright." "Mr. Takada, we're closing." "Hello." "Is Hidaka there?" "My name?" "Just give me Hidaka." "Aha." "Then, do I have to visit you myself?" "Can't it be a substitute?" "So, you're suggesting that I escape from the institution, huh?" "You got me right." "Escape from the institution." "I'm locked up in a hospital, you know?" "As I said yesterday, I can be totally reckless if I want to." "What I'm saying is..." "that I wasn't arrested." "So, they can't investigate that." "You mean, that document?" "The one you left me?" "What do you want me to do?" "You want me to pay, huh?" "As I said yesterday, I don't have a driver's license." "I don't have health insurance, either." "No." "Nothing." "I just don't have any ID, whatsoever." "Why do you have to make a copy?" "That violates my privacy." "You can't copy that unless I allow you to." "No Smoking Please close the door" "Well, I was just saying I'm Koda, ...but it doesn't mean I'm Koda." "They're telling me I have to hang up." "Do whatever." "I'm taking off." "OK." "Take care." "You dropped something?" "No, just throw it away." "I don't need it anymore." "Take care." "Are you staying at a capsule hotel?" "No." "They refused to take me because of my shoes." "See you." "MENTAL" "In Memory of Itsuko Kishimoto, Ikuo Miyake, Kikuyo Nishimura" "Cooperation Chorale Okayama Kicchako Pastel Mini-Chora Kita Hureai Service Center Okayama Kango Kenshu Center" "Dr. Masatomo Yamamoto, Shinya Yamamoto, Akiko Yamamoto, Hiroko Kashiwagi, Toshio Kashiwagi, Masao Soda, Hiroko Soda" "Production Associate Kiyoko Kashiwagi" "Directed, produced, shot, and edited by Kazuhiro Soda" "Producers wish to thank everybody who appeared in the film" "Japanese subtitles:" "Kiyoko Kashiwagi English subtitles:" "Chad Diehl"