"Previously on The West Wing:" "The position of White House Chief of Staff will be filled by Claudia Jean Cregg." "The President can always send C.J. Cregg to Ramallah to swat at suicide bombers with her purse." "My purse!" "Page Carol!" "Get him the hell out of there!" "Can I apologize again?" "No, but let's move finding my replacement from priority three to priority one." "The President made me promise that when I got the degree, I'd leave this job." "He doesn't want me holding his jacket for the rest of my life." "You don't want a new press secretary." "Then who exactly do you think is going to brief the press?" "You." "Think about a Prius ?" "Great car." "Hybrid-- wave of the future." "The future's here." "There's a waiting list." "60 miles a gallon?" "In the city." "51 highway." "Isn't that...?" "Backwards, yeah." "Electrical battery recharges every time you hit the brake." "Perfect for D.C." "The car that loves gridlock." "Like Congress." "And with gas prices at an all-time high..." "They're not, actually." "The record high was in '81." "Adjusted for inflation, gas was $2.80 a gallon in today's money." "Okay." "In the '50s, prices were equivalent to what they are now." "A little more, even, but... per capita real income was less than half what it is today." "Cost your parents twice as much at the pump as what you pay." "Grandparents, in your case." "You're really up on your, uh..." "I work at the White House." "A great statement for a government official:" ""Drive the car that reduces our dependence on OPEC."" "Yeah, it's foreign made." "The symbolism's kind of a wash." "$3,500 over sticker?" "Some dealers getting $10,000 over." "So, I should just be happy you're gouging me less?" "It's a popular package." "How many on your waiting list?" "Uh, 700." "Whoa!" "How long?" "Eight months." "Want to take a test drive?" "No, I'm just... you know..." "Can I drive that?" "A Prius." "Congratulations." "Thanks." "It's a long wait, huh?" "Oh, worth it." "Individuals need to take responsibility." "The government won't do anything about improving mileage." "It's so deep in the pockets of the oil and car companies." "Yeah, Congress is a nightmare." "Bartlet's done squat." "Mr. Lyman!" "All set." "All right." "Thank you." "I know I sound like a dork, but this is way cool." "Yeah, it's a lot of machine." "All right." "So, uh, easy out of the lot." "Not like I'm off-roading in Baja?" "Not on the lot." "Whoa!" "It's a lot of machine." "Yeah?" "McNaughton at the D triple C needs you right away." "You should see this thing I'm driving." "It's a monster." "What?" "My testosterone is flying." "Try not to get any on anyone." "Uh..." "I'll put my hands-free thing in." "What?" "Hang on." "Look out!" "Whoa!" "Josh?" "Are you all right?" "Tell McNaughton I may be a while." "Thank you again." "Good morning." "Hey." "How was your weekend?" "What weekend?" "Oh, you mean that two-day period with a giant mountain of briefing material invade your domicile instead of your office, finally and completely obliterating whatever desperate and pathetic distinction you've labored mightily and yet foolishly to try and maintain?" "At least you could do it in your jammies." "You're picturing that, aren't you?" "A little bit." "And you?" "I don't wear jammies." "Your weekend." "You know, boring." "you have nothing to report, nothing adventurous or ilicite." "Boring." "Dull, even." "In your non-jammies?" "You're picturing that, aren't you?" "Trying furiously not to." "You seen Toby?" "He's briefing, isn't he?" "Okay, then." "Yeah." "I have no information on that at this time." "Yeah?" "The FECAFE standards amendment raising auto fuel efficiency requirements comes up for House vote today." "Will the President sign the Omnibus Transportation Bill without that provision?" "I can't speculate on an amendment that hasn't been voted for on a bill that hasn't passed." "Does anybody know where your esteemed confreres might be?" "Is it a press holiday of some kind?" "H.L. Mencken's birthday?" "Anniversary of the expense account?" "Get out!" "C.J.!" "All of you!" "You cannot be in here!" "Why couldn't you...?" "A human wave." "I was overwhelmed." "Toby is killing us." "He won't engage." "We do not do this anymore." "You really have to leave." "We get nothing to file." "We're all going to get fired." "That's not going to be the best argument to make to him or to me at the moment." "You got to help us." "I'll talk to him." "Now-- and I say this with love-- get the hell out of my office!" "Have the rules of engagement been finalized for the Mideast peacekeepers...?" "I'm looking for something to hurl at you." "Mine-sniffing rats?" "The Gambion giant pooched rat." "You hit a Prius with an SUV?" "Connecting my cell phone's hands-free device." "The ironies abound." "Yeah, verily." "What happened to training dogs?" "Dogs get bored." "Sniffing for land mines?" "These are some jaded pooches." "What kind of SUV?" "A humongous one." "Excursion, Expedition, Escalade, what?" "I don't know." "One of those I just wanted to drive it." "Like a Hummer." "Wouldn't you want to experience that once?" "Yeah, I've had the pleasure." "It's less of a giggle when your taking automatic weapons fire." "I don't know how we get funding for giant, mine-sniffing rats." "Three of them found 20 live mines in a test in Mozambique." "Was the Prius just totaled?" "Pretty much." "Isn't there, like, a big waiting list?" "Just got longer." "This is hilarious, but not actually funny." "See, and I'd say since it's mostly expensive and embarrassing, it's funny, but not actually hilarious." "You ever hear of the Hubbert Peak?" "Does it have to do with gradations of mirth, or are we back on rats of an unusual size?" "Hubbert was a geologist who predicted-- pretty much right on the money-- when U.S. oil production would peak and then decline." "Did he win something?" "Weekend in Shreveport?" "Year's supply of Vaseline?" "Oil supply's a bell curve." "The worldwide Hubbert Peak may have already hit, but no one thinks it's more than 20-30 years off." "Meaning, within the lifetime of kids today oil production will plummet." "I just wanted to drive a Hummer once." "And that's only half the story." "I mean, what's going to happen when everyone in the developing world has a car?" "Be a good time to be in the insurance business." "Glass houses." "Yeah." "Point taken." "Exploding demand meets plummeting supply." "Whether e we've ever fought one over it up till now, the next war will be about oil." "See ya." "If you're coming in here with one more thing to read," "I will strangle you with my bare hands and enjoy it." "Will's here." "I can scrag him, too." "I don't doubt it." "So I'm thinking briefing books on tape for in the car, while you're jogging." "You jog?" "Not anymore." "The President would like the VP to meet with the NSC on the new nuclear fallout analysis they're coordinating." "Absolutely." "The focus is evacuation?" "Attribution, post-event forensics." "If terrorists know a detonation can be traced, they'll be less likely to attempt it." "Terrorists being notably responsive to logic and self-interest." "Almost sounded important there for a minute." "The House just defeated the CAFE standards amendment." "Already?" "They limited floor debate to 20 minutes." "So the car companies won't have to raise miles per gallon from venti to grande." "Actually, it's the other way around, but something like that." "Not unexpected." "Not entirely unwelcome." "Hey, hey, that's the spirit." "Dems get credit with enviros for favoring it, but the Vice President doesn't have to defend it with voters in Michigan." "Politics being more important than principle." "This administration's had seven years to make better fuel efficiency a priority." "Seven years..." "Don't take your guilt out on me." "Seven years of a hostile Congress." "And a public busy singing "I Want My SUV."" "That's regret, not guilt." "You don't have the votes, you don't have the votes." "The art of the possible." "Exactly what Leo'd say." "I'd spend the rest of the week trying to decide if sounding like a dyspeptic 60-year-old is an actual compliment." "You wanted to see me?" "Where are we on finding a new press secretary?" "Getting up to speed." "Time for a turbo boost." "No one -- and I don't mean this unkindly-- no one is anxious to have you keep briefing." "Just curious, but how'd you have put it had you meant it unkindly?" "You're hovering." "He's hovering." "Verging on looming." "And he's stalling." "I'm crafting." "They're just remarks." "People listening won't know they're just remarks." "To them, it'll sound uncannily like a speech." "A short speech." "The prompter guy needed this half an hour ago." "You're on your own." "I am the leader of the free world." "People pay attention when I speak." "The job's not all waving from the chopper." "Not as good as it might be." "It's all your fault." "I'm prepared to live with the verdict of history." "Thank you, sir." "Charlie, one sec?" "Mr. President, I wanted to remind you about the reception in the East Room today." "What?" "The girls' National Field Hockey champions." "Sir, you have to be there." "Charlie?" "I'll get him there." "Thank you." "I'm noticing a distinct slackening of awe, a certain lack of trembling in my presence." "Yes, Mr. President." "Yes, sir." "Josh?" "What is it?" "That gossip blog, district Scene." "How did she get this?" "Someone at the dealer, I guess." "It's not the end of the world." "It's a web log." "Not The Washington Post." "Josh Lyman's office." "Yeah." "C.J.'s office... now." "You didn't think it was a story?" "It's obviously a story." "I just didn't think it'd become a ..." "Every news organization in this country surfs these blogs now." "This'll be everywhere." "For God sake, what possessed you?" "I don't know." "I saw it and was taken over by my reptilian brain stem." "The press is going to have a party with this." "Conga lines, piñatas..." "They'll have fun and be done in a day." "Not the week raising CAFE standards goes down in the House with us having barely put up a fight?" "I just got a phone call from the Alternative Energy Resources Council threatening to hold a press conference trashing our commitment to conservation citing your little demolition derby as Exhibit "A."" "I'll call 'em." "You'll do better than that." "You're going to head up the White House Task Force on Alternative Energy." "What White House...?" "The one I promised to get them to hold off." "I want a meeting today that ends with something announceable." "You standing with people in Birkenstocks in front of the press." "Birkenstocks..." "And bicycle clips." "Yeah." "Bicycle clips?" "For your pants." "You got a...?" "Yeah." "Not counting today-- today was, uh..." "I don't know what today was-- but the briefings?" "Yeah, they're getting better." "Good." "On a scale of one to ten--ten being C.J. and one being a chimp throwing feces-- where do I rank?" "They're getting better." "I gotta go get my ass kicked." "Yeah, me, too." "Congressmen... woman." "Does this President believe fuel efficiency standards should be raised?" "We're dispensing with the small talk." "Answer the question." "It's a shame, 'cause I'd been hoarding amusing anecdotes, mordant observations..." "This administration's environmental record is an embarrassment to its party and a betrayal of its supporters." "Mordant enough for you?" ""Betrayal, embarrassment," it's that kind of temperate rhetoric that so endears the green movement to the electorate." "You rolled over." "We did the arithmetic!" "Any increase in CAFE standards wasn't going to happen." "Josh, you rolled over." "An eight-year-old can count heads." "This is supposed to be about leadership." "Leaders avoid losing battles." "You live to fight another day." "You're missing the point, Josh." "Nobody thought we were going to win this one." "But you've made it easy for them." "Seat belts, air bags, the first fuel economy standards-- the auto industry had to be dragged kicking and screaming into all of them." "They didn't go out of business." "They figured it out." "The White House doesn't lead on fuel mileage, opponents get to cast their vote at no cost." "We don't just lose a vote, we lose out on a national debate." "Making it that much harder to win the next vote." "This isn't a poli-sci seminar!" "We didn't have the votes!" "Thank you all for your time." "Well?" "And a pleasant good morning to you." "You find someone?" "Slept extremely well, thank you so much for asking." "Well, sleep less and get us a new press secretary, will you?" "I'm sorry, when to asked me to do this," "I didn't realized you expected me to find someone by the first hour, by the first morning of my first day." "The sooner you get someone, the sooner I can stop doing briefings." "I told you, your doing them for a while is a good thing." "Well, I'm glad someone doesn't think they're a total train wreck." "Oh, no, they're horrible." "But I can help you." "Help me by doing the job you were hired for, and find us a new press secretary." "Settling in just fine." "But the muffin basket, the flowers... it's too much." "Donna!" "Get some alternative energy spokespeople in here for a meeting right away." "You mean..." "Wind, solar, hamsters in wheels, whatever's out there-- today." "You have that..." "Cancel it." "This takes priority." "Hey, Donna." "Hey." "Was Josh expecting you?" "Actually, I came by to see you." "How you doing?" "Good." "I'm good." "How soon before you're out of that cast?" "Soon." "I can't wait." "I bet." "Look, we don't know each other that well, but if you ever want to talk..." "Thanks, but I..." "I'm sure you've spoken to somebody, but I just thought, if you ever wanted someone... another woman..." "I don't know." "Is this completely inappropriate?" "No, no, it's fine." "It's just, I've been around the sort of thing you went through." "I appreciate your concern." "Okay." "Well, if you ever want to." "I should really get back to..." "Okay." "You're all set for lunch." "He's sure he's up to it?" "Said so." "He's not just being polite?" "I'm sorry" " Leo...?" "He has a courtly side." "Not with me." "Don't want to overtax him." "He would've said." "A car will pick up the food, then swing by to take you over to his hotel at 1:00." "Great." "He asked if you play chess." "Chess?" "Not really." "I'll let him know." "There's a picture ?" "Get this web blog woman on the phone." "You didn't think to mention someone had a camera?" "There was no camera." "Well, there's a picture." "Just was a guy, his wife, and his teenage daughter." "That was it." "Daughter have a cell phone?" "Josh Lyman's office calling, please." "One moment, please." "I wouldn't do this." "This is Josh Lyman, and this is off the record." "She's not a..." "There may be more disreputable ways to make a living than trafficking in gossip and clandestine photos, but none spring to mind." "My and this administration's environmental bona fides are well established." "To use this incident to imply otherwise is scurrilous and irresponsible-- cheap and easy irony from what I can only surmise is a cheap and shallow person." "I said this was off the record." "She's not a journalist." "You're gonna post this?" "She's posting it now." "He made the sushi...?" "It's his hobby." "Nothing against the ambassador, but I don't want my raw fish prepared by anyone but a professional." "Said you're not supposed to use a lot of wasabi." "Said it's considered disrespectful." "To the fish." "Isn't it pretty much past caring?" "And there's such a thing as sushi being too fresh." "Not for me." "You need to age the fish." "Do I want to know why ?" "So the rigor mortis has time to pass." "I knew you were going to ruin it for me." "Surprise!" "A little bird told me." "Tweet." "Congratulations." "Thank you, Mr. President." "You know what this means, right?" "Yes, sir." "Enjoy your party." "I think everyone's blocked off all of eight minutes." "Way to go, Charlie." "Congratulations." "Thanks, man." "God, how did you do it?" "I don't even have time to learn how to program my TiVo." "When it's the President of the United States asking if you did your homework, it gets done." "I'm glad you told me." "I just hope he is." "I gotta get back to work." "...totaled a hybrid with an SUV." "He's like an eco-terrorist in reverse." "We'll be sure to point that out to the press." "What do you need?" "Draft a release about the alternative energy summit" "Josh is holding this afternoon." "Mm, that's not gonna work." "Which I don't recall asking." "No meeting's gonna counteract the symbolism of that accident." "You need to laugh it off." "Refer questions to the Department of Metaphor." "Put out a statement from the Undersecretary for Whimsy and Caprice." "Just draft the release." "Will you be briefing?" "I imagine." "What?" "How do you get women ?" "Excuse me?" "Briefing the press is a seduction." "You've got a hot ex." "How'd you get her?" "Get out of my office." "Know what she says?" "Oh, my God." "You called Andy..." "Smart and funny." "That's how guys who--no offense don't look like Jude Law or Denzel Washington get babes." "Are you trying to get fired?" "I'm trying to help you." "That Mencken line this morning was funny." "No one laughed 'cause you flung it at them." "Briefing the press isn't a seduction, it's war." "What C.J. did for seven years wasn't combat." "It was charm and disarm." "Just draft the release." "Smart and funny." "Seduce them." "Worked on your wife." "We're divorced." "Living with you's a whole another ballgame." "I get that already." "Charlie." "Thanks C.J. for whatever part you played in that back there." "I showed up and ate too many corn chips." "Leo e-mailed me something about reminding the President to play chess." "He and Leo played weekly chess games." "Okay..." "What did Leo say about it?" "Just to remind him." "I guess that's just it then." "Yeah." "C.J." "Mr. Vice President." "How are you adjusting to the new job?" "It's an adjustment." "I got to admit I was surprised when I first heard-- we all were-- but, uh, the more I thought about it, it started making sense." "Thanks." "Leo was Leo, no one expects you to be him." "But you'll find your way." "I'm finding it, actually." "I just want you to know that I'm here to help." "I appreciate that, sir." "I look forward to working more closely with you." "As do I, Mr. Vice President." "I work well with strong women." "Good to know." "My mother... strong woman." "Well, there you go." "If you'll excuse me." "This where I might find the "puling poster boy for Bartlet's indifferent energy policy"?" "I was shopping for a Prius." "Just performing your own crash test." "A joke the blogger missed." "Maybe you should shoot her an e-mail." "You just had the quintessential consumer experience." "Your head said hybrid but your heart said SUV." "Reptilian brain's what I've been going with." "It's not like people want them because they get lousy mileage." "That's the argument for mandating higher mileage standards." "No one's saying it's the wrong argument." "You've got a pretty tight relationship with Michael Hirsch, yes?" "People in show business are charming for a living." "I'm one of his four or five thousand closest buds, yeah." "Close enough to make a call?" "For the Vice President?" "You're one of the few around here who doesn't regard him with disdain." "Or at least has the courtesy to hide it." "The Hollywood support's all going to Baker." "He's raised enough money out there to start green lighting movies." "Governor Baker hasn't declared." "But he's still the front runner-- I mean, no offense to your guy." "It'd be great if you'd make a call." "Let me get back to you." "Mm-hmm." "Sure." "Yeah, Hirsch has a hybrid." "Typical Hollywood--drives his Prius right up to his private jet." "I'm about to go into a meeting with the Commerce Secretary-- a man so soporific, one shouldn't operate heavy machinery in his presence." "A meeting that would feel interminable at three minutes, is certain to stretch into a soul-annihilating 50 minutes-- presenting, therefore, a perfect opportunity for you to get started on the particular errand pertaining to your post-graduate career." "Fiderer prepared them." "I'd check for typos." "Thank you, sir." "Now let's get to work and fatten up that resume." "Yes, Mr. President." "Meeting's set." "Representatives from solar, ethanol, hydrogen, and wind." "Copy Toby on the roster." "Did you know, when we run out of oil, it'll precipitate a global food crisis?" "Don't you start." "Fossil fuels are key components of fertilizers and pesticides, not to mention the fuel used in farm machinery and for irrigation." "Said the woman with the electric wheelchair." "I've given it up." "You've inspired me with your profound commitment to renewable energy." "You know, the SUV came through without a scratch." "You're going to hell." "C.J., this is Gail Addison, from the Office of Administration." "Hello." "She's here about changing over your office." "To a day spa, I hope." "I don't know how you prefer to approach your space-- if you have a vision or would like to be provided options." "At the moment, I prefer not to think about it." "Then I'm happy to." "And have you not think about it either." "I'm sorry?" "I'll have Margaret call you once I'm more settled in." "Thanks." "Baker's running, right?" "Yeah." "And he'll have it wrapped up by Super Tuesday." "Will asked me to call Mickey Hirsch." "He thinks Baker's not gonna run?" "The Vice President'd be out there virtually unopposed." "President Russell." "You worry he'd win." "I worry he'd lose." "A Republican administration and a GOP Congress?" "They'd dismantle everything we've accomplished in eight years." "Baker's gonna run." "Yeah." "Hey, how do you get women?" "Huh...?" "Smart and funny... right?" "Plus, I got that, you know, boyish thing." "I don't have that." "Yeah." "Okay." "And the IRS is stepping up their look into nonprofits." "More and more charities playing loosely with contributions." "Blessings for the not-so-unfortunate." "What else?" "The CAFE standards amendment went down." "That was fast." "Floor debate was limited to 20 minutes." "These guys take longer than that to decide what to order for takeout." "Quick reconciliation." "Bill to sign by Wednesday." "Yeah." "Oh, and Josh hit a Prius with a Land Cruiser or something." "We're handling it." "We done?" "Yes, sir." "Thank you, Mr. President." "Oh, sir, I'm sorry." "Leo mentioned to remind you to play chess." "Please tell Leo, when he's healthy enough to come back and give me a game," "I'll be glad to school him at chess." "Thank you, sir." "Josh, got a moment?" "Sure." "The President and I had an understanding-- actually, it was more of an executive order-- that once I graduated, I'd look for what he calls a "real" job." "So I'm handing out résumés..." "Great." "...that I'd like you to ignore." "Okay." "I don't want to leave the President." "Especially now that he's without Leo." "Not that I compare myself to..." "I understand." "Here, I'll... put it in a safe place in case you change your mind." "Thanks." "The Alternative Energy release." "So what else?" "Smart and funny, that's the sum total of your vaunted expertise?" "You could wear a little makeup." "Oh, geez." "That'll happen." "You want my help?" "Not if it involves makeup, wardrobe or alternative facial hair strategies." "Body language." "What about it?" "Projecting comfort and command." "I don't do that?" "One might say." "So what do I..." "Follow me." "And, personally, the way you trim your beard?" "Little fussy." "I'd be happy to brief the Vice President." "How often?" "Occasionally--a continent at a sitting." "I assume he's pretty much got a handle on North America." "There's the odd confusion, that's all." "Sudan and Somalia." "Iran, Iraq." "You're kidding." "One time." "Actual confusion or slips of the tongue?" "Well, we won't presume for these purposes." "He knows Pakistan's the Muslim one and India's Hindu?" "Of course." "I'm just trying to calibrate." "I wouldn't bet the farm on Bangladesh." "Okay." "And he has a little trouble with the whole Shiite/Sunni thing." "We should start right away." "That's what I'm thinking." "I'll come by end of the day." "Great." "And bring my flashcards." "What?" "Nothing." "You know why people buy hybrid," "I mean, aside from smugness and moral superiority?" "Funny, I was going to say "conscience" and "civic responsibility."" "'Cause they think gas prices are too high." "You know why they buy SUVs?" "'Cause they're not." "Record high was in '81-- adjusted for inflation, gas was $2.80 a gallon in today's money." "That's the only way you'll get real conservation." "Hold an economic gun to their heads." "That's why we should slap a three-bucks-a-gallon tax on gasoline." "Ah, there's a popular position." "Wait till gas lines come back, see how popular that'll be." "I'm about to solve the whole problem." "Your Alternative Energy Summit." "The children of your villages will sing my name." "Hello." "Thank you all for coming." "Particularly on such short notice." "I've been waiting to have this meeting for seven years." "Then..." "let's get right to making up for lost time." "If we could go around the table." "Terry Anders, the Solar Cell Project." "Riley Sheets, Ethanol Works." "Wind Now, Corinne McKenna." "Paul Tyminski, Hydrogen Caucus." "And I've been waiting a while for this, too." "You guys sound like my mother." "When I call, all she does is complain how I never call." "I'll try to keep everybody straight." "I should've made little symbols-- picture of the sun, ear of corn, cloud blowing out its cheeks, and for hydrogen, uh..." "The Hindenburg." "Hydrogen didn't cause the Hindenburg fire, it was the aluminum powder coating." "Really?" "Stuff's used as rocket fuel." "But hydrogen is extremely flammable." "So's gasoline." "Okay..." "Did she say flammable?" "She meant combustible." "Guys..." "Hydrogen burns with a colorless flame-- the Hindenburg burned red." "Where's your humanity?" "Okay, then..." "This is your room." "You're not venturing onto their turf, they're treading onto yours." "You have to own it." "You didn't really just say "own it."" "I'll show you what you look like up here." "Thanks." "Helpful." "Smart and funny." "Come here." "Come here." "You try it." ""Good afternoon."" "Good afternoon." ""I'll take your questions."" "I'll take your questions." "Okay, you look like you loathe this." "Like you cannot wait to get out the door." "I wonder why." "You're literally hunching over." "You need to lean back." "Not too much-- you don't want to look hostile and pugnacious." "I don't?" "'Kay, relax your hands." "Look up." "Look up." "Okay, now... how does that feel?" "Like a poodle in a dog show." "Let's try it again." "This time... with more confidence." "Good afternoon." "I can't do this." "Solar energy is, very simply, the answer." "It's clean, it's accessible, and we're not running out of it anytime soon." "And when we do, we'll be having bigger problems." "We could replace all the fossil fuels we're burning today simply by covering 220,000 square kilometers with solar cells." "Isn't that a lot?" "A piece of land 300 miles on each side." "Yeah, see..." "that's kind of a lot." "This'll give you an idea of what we're talking about." "That's huge." "Drive it." "There's 300 days of sunshine and nothing there." "That covers Las Vegas." "Appropriately--the most wasteful nergy abuser on the planet." "Your cells'll look attractive covering the Grand Canyon." "You adjust this, obviously." "Finding square footage in the desert West will not be the problem." "What will?" "Manufacturing that many solar cells." "We'd have to pick up the pace some." "You might say--since all the solar cells ever made up to this point would barely cover ten square kilometers." "So, just... 219,990 to go." "I don't want to leave the President, and I just don't think the time is right." "So if I could leave you my résumé, then have you ignore it." "Got it." "C.J. Cregg." "Please." "Hey, you." "Oh, you are a sight for sore eyes." "And sore legs, sore chest..." "You having a lot of pain?" "The Vicodin helps." "Whatcha got?" "Takeout from Terrazzo." "The arugula..." "Ooh, with the Pecorino and walnuts." "Mm." "And... and gnocchi." "Supposed to be very "gnice."" "So much trouble." "If only you were worth it." "I don't have much appetite." "Oh." "He needs to eat." "I'll eat when I'm hungry." "Put it in the fridge." "I'm actually not that..." "No, don't be silly." "Go ahead." "I can enjoy it as a spectator sport." "You sure it won't bother you?" "It'll be great." "Voyeuristic." "That sounds like the Vicodin talking." "Has its compensations." "So, how's it going?" "It's overwhelming, the amount there is to tend to." "I thought I was busy before." "How in the world did you manage it for seven years?" "I had a heart attack." "You remind the President about playing chess?" "He pretty much blew me off." "You need to insist." "I obviously don't know the President as well as you, but already I can tell when something's a no go." "You have to insist." "The President gets regular physicals, and because of the MS, rather more regular MRIs and neuro-physical tests." "But MS is a disease of the central nervous system." "It can affect cognition:" "perception, reasoning, judgment." "What the doctors actually term executive function." "As President of the United States, this needs to be monitored on a weekly basis." "You need to get the President to play chess." "Finish your lunch." "And so it burns clean, and most important, ethanol's made right here in the U.S. of A." "And is already subsidized up the ying-yang by the U.S. of A government." "How much more funding do you people want?" "Hang on." "Some claim it's not all that clean." "The EPA's certified it reduces carbon dioxide and hydrocarbon tailpipe emissions by up to 30%." "And releases more nitrogren oxide and makes the entire fuel mixture evaporate easier than pure gasoline, causing more smog." "It's climate dependent." "Helps in cold weather, hurts in hot." "It consumes more fossil fuels to make than it replaces." "We dispute that." "It only replaces ten percent of gasoline." "So at best, it's a stopgap." "It's practical now." "Not pie in the sky, like some people's solutions." "Let's be honest-- all of us sitting here know exactly what the biggest thing is that ethanol has in its favor." "The Iowa caucuses." "C.J., Gail's back with a quick question." "Yes?" "I know you said you weren't necessarily prepared to consider redecoration schemes, but I took the liberty of pulling some pictures of our inventory." "It's just so dark and masculine in here, and martial." "It's just militaristic and martial and male." "You said a quick question?" "Oh, sorry." "This... was Dolley Madison's desk." "You know, most people think she spelled her name L-L-Y, but in actuality it was L-L-E-Y." "Perhaps we should..." "But it's lovely and feminine." "Dolley-with-an-e Madison was maybe five-three?" "Yes." "Of course." "Briefing time." "I know." "I won't say a word." "But that tie's going to bleed." "Keep it up, it'll have company." "And don't look at them with veiled contempt." "I don't." "You're right, it's not veiled." "Charm and disarm." "Good afternoon." "I'll take your questions." "What's your response to criticism of the administration's lukewarm support for higher CAFE standards as reflected in today's defeat in the House?" "Well, what today's vote reflected..." "Between anti-regulatory Republicans and auto-state Democrats, we were outgunned." "As far as our lukewarm support, I'd haracterize it as more of a parboil, myself." "White House commitment to fuel conservation can more readily be measured by the Alternative Energy Task Force meeting currently in progress." "Isn't this hastily-convened task force just an attempt to counteract the symbolism of a White House senior staffer totaling a hybrid while driving one of the most fuel inefficient passenger vehicles sold in the world?" "Questions as to symbolism and the relative meanings thereof are the purview of the Department of Metaphor." "And I refer you to the Undersecretary for Whimsy and Caprice for further comment." "But, really, this Alternative Energy Summit's not going to fool anyone." "Good." "Then maybe we can stop thinking of it as something intended to fool people, and start thinking of it as a way to maybe get something done." "Fuel conservation is a critical issue." "We were outgunned today in Congress, but not outflanked." "So what are the obstacles to using hydrogen as a replacement fuel?" "Distribution." "To transport and then dispense it you'd have to liquefy it." "Is that an issue?" "You just need to freeze it, then open it." "At enormous pressure." "I don't understand." "What's the problem?" "When you do that, it can..." "Have the tendency to explode." "Like the Hindenburg." "So you can just file it or toss it, or..." "The President wants you to quit." "But like I said, I don't actually..." "And you promised him once you graduated you would." "It was more of an implied understanding." "Yes or no, Charlie." "Yes." "I guess." "It's a dilemma." "No, all you have to do is..." "Charlie, what's my job?" "Excuse me?" "My job-- it's to serve the President." "It seems to me the President has expressed a clear wish." "I don't..." "If he'd handed me your résumé, do you imagine I could ignore it?" "Maybe I should just take this back..." "Yeah, you probably shouldn't have come in here with that..." "Deputy Special Assistant to the Chief of Staff." "Sorry?" "Your new title." "Come work for me." "What?" "You're smart, responsible, you know the President." "Why wouldn't I hire you?" "Title's a little gaudy, but it mostly means you'll do whatever's needed to be done." "A catch-all--but grownup, policy stuff." "You're serious." "You'd be a stone's throw from the Oval." "The President can't miss you if you haven't really gone." "I don't know what to say." "Can I think it over?" "Not really." "That was..." "Absolute misery." "What?" "Lean forward, but not too far, but don't lean back." "Oh, my bleeding tie's distracting from my fuzzy beard." "Be funny, be smart, look pleasant." "I've never been more self-conscious in my life." "I don't want to be good at this." "Don't worry." "It was better." "Good's still a ways off." "You're welcome." "Wind turbines in California produce enough kilowatt-hours of electricity to light San Francisco, saving the state the equivalent of well over ten million barrels of oil." "Wind provides 1.27% of California's electricity." "From 13,000 turbines." "So, in order to get all of its energy from wind," "California would have to build..." "Only one million more." "And, oh, by the way, they're an eyesore and no one wants them." "What happens when the wind doesn't blow?" "Gee, I don't know." "What happens when the sun isn't shining?" "This really isn't helpful." "Wind is clean, increasingly competitive-- the fastest-growing energy technology in the world." "The Bartlet administration could restore U.S. leadership in wind power." "I can see the slogan now:" ""Breaking Wind Together."" "Hey." "I only have a minute." "What'd you want to tell me?" "I got an interesting offer that you're pretty much responsible for." "What?" "In appreciation," "I'd like to tell you about it over dinner." "Are you asking me on a date?" "A thank-you dinner." "It's a date." "So far, it isn't anything." "You haven't said that you'll go." "Sure." "So?" "What?" "What are we announcing?" "We don't know yet." "C.J. wants an announcement." "Yeah, tell her that's not happening." "Nice try." " What?" "She's pissed at you, you tell her." "She wasn't pissed." "Nettled, maybe." "Whatever, you're telling her." "Really, nothing came out of it?" "Wind power?" "Turns out the churn from the turbines changes the weather on the ground." "Probably not ideal from an environmental standpoint." "Three hours of stuff like that." "That you're telling her." "Yeah." "I'm not ready." "I have spoken to experts and they've told me, what to look for and I don't have to look very hard." "I do get angry over everything, cry over nothing, right down the list." "Rejecting offers of help, that's on there, too." "I'm sure talking to you would be helpful." "Actually, I'm..." "I'm not sure of that." "I'm not sure of much of anything, except that I'm not ready." "I understand." "Okay." "Hey." "How was your energy meeting?" "It was pretty Darwinian." "They're so great at knocking each other's technology, it makes you want to run out and buy stock in Chevron." "They know we can't fund everything." "I don't know what we can announce, other than the world's running out of oil, and in 20 years we're all going to starve to death." "You know, those that haven't already been wiped out in an energy war with China." "Because the fuel alternatives are even less ready than you thought." "It's all economics." "Mr." "President." "Sir." "Why do the Saudis fight to keep oil prices from rising?" "To discourage conservation." "And the development of alternative fuels." "And it works-- because we let them." "Economics." "So what do we do?" "Veto the omnibus transportation bill." "Why?" "To demand the higher CAFE standards." "Because Josh demolished a hybrid?" "Because improving fuel economy deserves far more than a 20-minute debate." "Sir, there aren't the votes to sustain." "They'll just override." "It pushes the subject out there." "Jump starts a national debate." "Hummer sales had their best month ever this year." "And Prius is expanding its production 50%." "The market's doing what markets do, resorting itself out." "Messily and with contradiction." "Better fuel economy's an idea that just has to reach its tipping point." "A veto maybe nudges it a little closer." "And keep having those meetings." "We wait till the alternatives are perfect, it's all going to be too late." "Thank you, Mr. President." "What was it you wanted?" "Sir, if you'll follow me." "Mr. President." "Sir, this is Roger Quast, from HUD." "He was on the Stanford chess team." "He's here to play a game with you." "Roger, unfortunately, you've been dragged here for nothing." "Sir, I've cleared your schedule for the hour." "I spoke with Leo." "You're going to play chess, Mr. President." "You heard the lady." "Where do you think you're going?" "Sir?" "You're going to play me." "Sir, I don't really..." "Stanford here is going to stay and help you." "Sit down." "Chess team, huh?" "Yes, sir." "I'm just trying to imagine the cheer:" ""Check him to the left, check him to the right, stand up, sit down, shh."" "I was on he chess team." "Right." "I really have no clue..." "He's going to help you." "And I'll know if you're holding back, young man." "You're hereby directed, by presidential fiat, to try your damnedest to kick your Commander in Chief's ass." "Move King's pawn up two spaces."