"You are hilarious!" "Okay, see, last night, when I said to you, 'Tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I get up at seven, what I actually meant was, 'Tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I have the option of getting up at seven" "in case when seven comes, I actually wanna get up,' which – as it happened – I didn't." "Therefore, you're currently responsible for the great alarm clock slaughter of 2002." "No survivors?" "The one shaped like a bunny escaped with a mild decapitation." " This is decaf." " What are you talking about?" " You switched my coffee again." " I'm a busy man." "I don't have time to sneak around switching your coffee." "I have a diner to run, I have shipments to order," "I have things to flip and fry." "Will you stop that?" "Under the sink, very clever, but not clever enough bucko." "Okay, fine, you know what?" "I give up." " Go one day without coffee." " That's not giving up." " I'll put a toy in your cereal." " Dirty!" " Fine, here, you win." " Thank you." "You're welcome." "Now you're up, you're fed, I'm leaving." "Oh, hey, we need q-tips." " I'll alert the media." " See, that's better with the accent." "The reference is enough, you'll learn that one day." "I'll be home early, anything besides the q-tips?" "Cotton balls, world peace, Connie Chung's original face back." "Goodbye crazy lady." " Goodbye Sid and Nancy." " Leopold and Loeb." " What?" " I changed my mind, don't tell Rory." " Decaf." " Never." " They'll both have two heads." " More to love." " Hello?" " You have to come home." " Mom?" " You're gone and the house is quiet and Bill Maher's canceled." "The name of the show was Politically Incorrect for God's sake." "Didn't anybody read the title?" "He was supposed to say those things, dammit!" " You had another dream." " Yes." " The doctor is in." " Okay, I'm lying in bed and I'm sleeping and I'm wearing this fabulous nightgown, and like thirty alarm clocks go off, and so I get out of bed and I walk downstairs, and there, standing is the kitchen, is Luke!" " Was he naked?" " No!" "He was making breakfast." " Naked?" " Okay, you've been in Washington way too long." " Sorry." "Go ahead, he was making breakfast..." " Eggs and pancakes and bacon, and he put decaf coffee in my regular coffee bag, which of course I knew immediately." " Hi, the nose." " Exactly." "So eventually I find the real stuff under the sink." "He hands me my breakfast, and then..." "What?" "He kissed me and talked to my stomach!" " Why would he do that?" " Because apparently I'm pregnant!" " What?" " With twins!" " Say something." " You are going to be so fat." " Just analyze my dream, please." " Okay." "Well, your dream was telling you that you are secretly in love with Luke and you wanna marry him and have his twins." " No, try again." " What do you mean, try again?" "You asked me to analyze your dream, I analyzed your dream." "Yes, well, I reject that analysis, so I'd like another one, please." "You can't just reject an analysis and try again." "You're not shopping for bathing suits here." "Give me another analysis or I'll put your Taylor hula-hooping dream into a whole other context." "I told you, Taylor was supposed to be Dean." "I could tell by his freakishly thick head of hair." "I'm waiting." "Okay, maybe you're still upset about what happened with Dad and you're jealous of Sherry because she's having his baby and not you." "Mom?" " I miss you." " I miss you, too." "Woodward..." "Bernstein..." "Harry Thomason." "Is that Paris?" "Yeah, she talks in her sleep..." "long in-depth arguments." " I'm so glad I only have one more day here." " Me, too." "What do you have on your agenda for tomorrow?" "Or, today, actually." "We have a breakfast mixer with members of Congress and the Senate." "Cool." "See if you can steal me something off of Tom Daschle's fruit plate." " I'll see what I can do." " See you Friday, doc." "See you Friday." "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." " No way." " I swear." " Kosher bacon." " Beef not pork." " I am so Jewish." " Hey Sookie, where's my..." " Jackson, hold on!" "Lorelai's here!" " Oh, Jackson, I'm in the kitchen!" " I'm eating bacon, so don't... ahhhhh!" " Will you stop it?" "I'm dressed." "Well, how do I know you weren't showering and the hot water went out and you rushed down here with nothing but a teeny tiny towel in front of ya." " Once, that happened once." " Well, once was enough." "Oh, hey, honey, I got those paint chips that we were talking about." " Do you wanna look at them now?" " Nope." "But it'll only take a minute and I actually went though and picked out a couple of colors for you." " What are you painting?" " Nothing." " The house." " The whole house?" " No." " Just the inside." "Ah, that's a pretty big undertaking." "It's not such a big undertaking since we're not undertaking it." " I know, but it'll be fun." " Rory and I'll help if you want." "Okay, if you're gonna come over here everyday, you have to actually hear both of us." "Oh." "Well, tell me why you're not painting just the inside of the house?" "Because it was my house and now it's our house and I want it to feel like our house." " I'm totally happy with the way this house feels." " How can you be?" "There's flowers everywhere." " I like flowers..." "I'm a produce guy." " The curtains are ruffly." " I like ruffles." " How can you like ruffles?" " Because I'm very, very gay." " Jackson!" "Judy, Vincent has to go to work now." "Goodbye Lorelai." " Tell her I'm fine, I like things just the way they are." " I'll try." "All right, I've only got a minute and then I have to leave." " Is there any more bacon?" " Have mine." "What do you think about mahogany for the living room and then midnight blue for the hallway and the bedroom?" "Sookie, Jackson just said he's fine with how everything is." "I don't think it's bugging him." "Well, he may not think so now but it'll bug him eventually and then he'll resent this place and me by extension and I would like to avoid that." "And I can –" "I just need to butch the place up a little." "Now, help me pick a color." " Okay, I can't now, but I'll do it later." " Okay." "Thanks for breakfast, it was amazing, I love you, I love the bacon." "Hey, bacon's manly." "Why don't you just nail a bunch of packages of Kosher bacon on the walls?" "Smells like meat blessed by a rabbi –" " now that's a manly house." " Bye-bye." "Okay, but if you're still thinking paint, you're still thinking like a chick." "Watch those streamers!" "And not too much red near that tree – light touch, light touch, light touch." " Hey Taylor, how's the leg?" " It's just fine." "Still haven't found out who put that banana peel on your doorstep, huh?" "No, but I have a list of suspects." "Hey, what's all this for?" "This, young lady, is for the first annual Stars Hollow End of Summer Madness Festival." "You finally found a way to fill September, didn't ya?" "This is gonna be a very exciting day." "I'm really gonna go all out for this." "I even think you'll be impressed." " Really, even me?" " Yes-sir-ee, mini-me," "I did not put the word madness in the title for nothing." "This place is gonna be crazy, wild – food, games, we've even got a band coming all the way from New York!" " New York, that's just nuts!" " And wait 'til you see the banner I ordered." "It's gonna make every other banner we've ever had look downright embarrassing." " Taylor, you're on fire." " Oh, I love this banner!" " I can't wait to see it." " Well, come on Friday." "Excuse me... young lady... young lady?" "You know I'm talking to you." "The blonde woman with the ribbons, please slow down." "I'm in a wheelchair, young lady, I can't run after you." "I mean, come on, Senator Boxer, as one of our foremost Democratic leaders, I ask you – do you really think it looks good to have the American Secretary of the Treasury traveling around with Bono?" "I mean, I know apparently he's a saint, he's going to save the world, yada, yada, yada, but my God!" "He never even takes the sunglasses off." "We have an image to maintain, don't we?" "I mean, aren't we at least trying to pretend we're the superpower in this world?" "I mean, why not just send Carson Daly over to the Middle East next time Cheney goes, huh?" "Or hey, hook up Freddie Prinze Jr. with Colin Powell next time he meets with NATO." " I mean, hell!" "Let's hear what Freddie has to say, right?" " Oh, great, Doug." "Paris, do you know Republican Congressman Doug Ose from California?" "You don't?" "Great." "You two will have so much to talk about." "Bye." " Barbara..." " Ose, right?" " Yes that's right." " Let's take a walk." " Last day here." " Yup." " So, in your opinion, how was our nation's capital?" " Well, I got to see Archie Bunker's chair at the Smithsonian Museum, so it was a big thumbs up for me." "Yes, there are times when this country's priorities are exactly right." " So, where's Paris?" " Not quite sure." "Last time I saw her, she was beating the will to live out of our nation's representatives." " She is a hammer, isn't she?" " Actually, she's the entire toolbox." "Damn." "I always seem to catch the most interesting politicians right when they have to use the bathroom." " Hey Jamie." " Paris." "Just came over to let you know I got a little sneak peak at the final debate pairings for today." "It seems like you and I are going to be on the same side this time." "You're kidding?" "You'd think they'd like to give someone else a fighting chance for once." " Apparently not." " God, I love this." "You don't realize how unqualified most of America's youth is until you gather them all up in a room and make them speak." "So, who are we up against?" " Jason Roundsevault and Ty Fredericks." " Perfect." "Jason's got asthma and Ty cries." "Okay, so we should meet early and go over strategy, make sure you bought enough Kleenex." "Good, good." "And then tonight we should get together and celebrate over dinner." " What if we don't win?" " Don't lose it on me now." " You're right." " So, dinner?" " Sure." " Good, I'll swing around for you about seven." " Fine." " Okay, see you at the slaughter." "Yeah, can you imagine pairing me with Jamie?" "I mean, why not just line the hallways with self esteem counselors right now." " Paris?" " What?" "What do you mean what?" "He just asked you out on a date." "He did not." " Yes, he did." "You're having dinner with Jamie tonight." " It's a victory dinner, that's it." "Paris, if he just wanted to celebrate winning a debate, you guys could've had coffee afterward, but he asked you out on a date." " He did?" " Yes." " Did I accept?" " Yes." " I'm going on a date?" " Yes, you are." "Oh man, I can't believe this!" "I finally get asked out on a date and I missed it?" " Was it a good ask-out?" " It was a very good ask-out." " God, I wish I'd been there." " Well, you'll be there tonight." "Tonight?" "Tonight I have a date." "Tonight I have a date with Jamie – a Princeton man." "I can overlook that." "Oh my God, I can't believe it..." "I have a date." "One day it occurred to me, cows never wrinkle." "Think about it – have you ever seen a wrinkled cow?" "No, not once." " So I thought to myself, "That is weird."" " Yes, that and other things." "So I decided to do a little research." "I studied cows, I studied humans, and finally I discovered the secret – the secret of the cows." " Michel, could you..." "Hi Kirk." " Oh, good, just in time." "Kirk here is about to tell us the difference between cows and humans." " You mean, other than one's a cow?" " Go ahead, Kirk." " Hay." " Huh?" "Hay, it's hay – cows eat hay." "And after some experimentation and a great deal of research," "I developed what I believe to be the next great skin care product to sweep the nation." "Hay There." "A complete line of creams, balms, toning lotions, and cleansing liquids." "Kirk, we already have a skin care line here, I'm sorry." "I am willing to give you three cases of "Hay There" skin products absolutely free of charge." " Try them, you will see what I'm talking about." " Well, thank you very much, Kirk... but, I'm sorry – don't cows eat grass?" "Sometimes, but "Grass There" is a bad name." "So sad not to have a cocktail in your hand every time he comes by, no?" " Independence Inn, Lorelai speaking." " What day is this?" " Mom?" " What day is this?" " Mom, I have a group of..." " It's Thursday." " Thank God." "Now, could I possibly..." " Thursday the what, Lorelai?" " It's..." " Thursday the third." "And what was happening Thursday the third, Lorelai?" "I believe it was the day I was supposed to chew my own head off." "Your father and I were coming home from Martha's Vineyard." "I know you were." "And you said that when we got home, you were going to call us." "I know I did." "We're home, and yet there's no call, no message, no card." "Mom, it's eleven o'clock in the morning." "I said I would call you on Thursday," "I didn't say when on Thursday, I just said Thursday." "Technically I haven't screwed up for another twelve hours." "Lorelai, everyone knows that you are supposed to call people as soon as they have arrived home." " That's the polite way to do it." " You didn't tell me what time you were coming home." "Well, you never asked what time we were coming home." "Yes, but you never told me so there's no way I could know, so even though I didn't ask" "I still didn't know and it's only elev..." "I'm sorry." "Apology accepted." "Now I assume we'll be seeing you and Rory for dinner tomorrow?" "You'll see me but Rory doesn't get back 'til Saturday." "Oh, what a shame." "I thought she was coming back tomorrow." " Nope, she's coming back Saturday." " Well, I'm very disappointed." " I had it written down for tomorrow." " Well, you must've written it down wrong, Mom." " She's coming home Saturday." " Your father thought it was tomorrow, also." "See you at seven." "Hold a moment, Lorelai." "Do you know where Christopher is?" " Why?" " We wanted him to come with you and Rory tomorrow, even though apparently Rory's getting back Saturday, though I couldn't sworn it was tomorrow." "Christopher's away on business but I'll tell him you invited him." "And tell him to come with you two next week." "I wanna see the three of you together." " Yes, that would be a nice picture." " All right, see you tomorrow." "Yes, you will." "Bye." " My plane gets in at three." " I'm in at six." "Red, purple, green – where the hell is it?" "That gives me three hours to look presentable." "Perhaps I'll go blonde." " I strongly request that you don't." " Afraid of change?" " No, I just like what I have." " I like a man who settles." " I miss you." " I miss you, too." " Hey, hey, stop being cute." "I need help here." " I have to go." "Paris is melting down." " Why?" " She has a date tonight." " Really?" " Don't sound so surprised." " How do you know he sounded surprised?" " Because I'm a genius, Rory." " I have deep and powerful clairvoyant abilities." " Oh boy." "For example, I can instantly deduce that when someone hears the name Paris in the same sentence with the word date, jaws will drop, confused looks will cover faces, words like 'how' and 'why' and 'Quick, Bob, get the children in the minivan" "because the world is obviously coming to an end!" "' will immediately fly out of people's mouths." " I have to go." " Are you sure it's safe?" " I'll be fine." "I'll see you Friday." " See you Friday." "I love you." " That's it, I'm shaving my head." " Gotta go" " Okay, Paris, you have got to calm down." " I had a black sweater and now it's gone." "I'm not just talking about right now – in general, you need to calm down." "He's almost here, I'm not dressed, my makeup's not done, and I haven't gone through the Zagat yet to pick out a restaurant." " Why don't you just let him pick out the restaurant?" " What if he doesn't have a Zagat?" "Well, then he'll wing it." "Wing it?" "How come other girls get planned out dinners?" "Flowers, candy, rose petals thrown on the floors – and I get wing it?" " Well, you don't know that you've got wing it." " No, I do." "I've got wing it." "I can't do this." " What?" " Date." "I can't date." "I'm not genetically set up for it." "Not true." "I get no pleasure out of the prospect or the preparation." "I'm covered in hives, I've showered four times, and for what?" "Some guy who doesn't even have the brains to buy a Zagat so we don't wind up in a restaurant" " that's really just a front for a cocaine laundering ring?" " Sit." "It's a dare." "He was dared to take me out." " I bet Trent Lott was behind this." " Trent Lott did not dare Jamie to take you out." "Close." "Jamie likes you and he asked you out because he likes you." "Now look up." "Maybe I shouldn't go." "I mean, what if I fall for him and he doesn't like me?" " Then you'll find someone else." " But what if there is no one else?" " Then you'll buy some cats." " I wish I knew if he was right for me, you know?" "So I don't put myself through all of this for nothing." "I mean, women fall for men who are wrong for them all of the time, and then they get sidetracked from their goals." "They give up careers and become alcoholics and, if you're Sunny von Bülow, wind up in a coma completely incapable of stopping Glenn Close from playing you in a movie." "I think you should wear your hair down." "How do you know if a guy is right for you?" " You just have to feel it." " All I feel is my back breaking out." "You'll know, okay?" "You just have to let it happen." "And then, probably when you're not looking, you'll find someone who compliments you." " Meaning?" " Someone who likes what you like, someone who reads the same books or listens to the same music or likes to trash the same movies." "Someone compatible." " But not so compatible that they're boring." " Someone who's compatible but not compatible." "Yeah, kind of." "I mean, you respect each other's opinions and you can laugh at the same jokes, but I don't know – there's just something about not quite knowing what the other person's gonna do at all times that's just really exciting." "Look, just have a good time, you'll figure it out." "Yeah, well, I hope I figure it out fast... before I throw up." " That's him." " Turn around." " Well?" " Perfect." " Promise?" " Swear." " Thanks." "Now get in the closet." " What?" "If he comes in here and sees you, he won't wanna date me anymore." "Paris, that's crazy!" "He's seen me – he's seen me for weeks." "Yes, in conferences, crowded lecture halls, badly lit banquet rooms with crappy food smells, not at night when it's dating time and he's thinking about dating and you're standing there looking all datable." " I'm not looking datable." " Please?" "I can't risk it." "At least if there's nothing to compare me to, then I've got a fighting chance, please!" "Okay, but when you get home, you need to get a new therapist because the one you have is really not working." " Thanks for helping me get ready." " Any time." " Hi." " Hello." " You look very nice." " Well, this is a really good sweater." " So, shall we get going?" " Oh, sure, sure." " Do you like Italian food?" " I love Italian food." "Good." "I've made a reservation at a great place." "Well, at least, that's what the Zagat guide says." " You're perfect." " Let's go." " How could you not tell them?" " Well, they left two days after your wedding and they were in Martha's Vineyard all summer." "It just seemed quieter." " What do you think, manly?" " In an Oscar Wilde sort of way, absolutely." "You know, you're gonna have to tell them tonight, right?" "I mean, the subject will come up." "They probably think you and Christopher are heading down the aisle any day now." "I know, I know." " A shaving table, it's perfect!" " And twelve hundred dollars." " Twelve hundred dollars for what?" " What do you mean, for what?" "This is an antique." "Where does she come from?" " This was Sherman's shaving table." " Sherman?" "General Sherman, famous man, burned Atlanta, liked a close shave." " Wow, historical." " All original, perfect shape." " I give you ten percent off, you want it?" " Oh, well, maybe." "I just wanted to look around a little bit first... but it's very nice." " I know it's very nice." " Boy, she would've made a great nun." " So how are you planning on telling them?" " I thought I'd do it like Nell." " You know, chicka chicka chickabee." " Yeah, that's a very good idea." " I'll tell them, I promise." " Oh, oh my God, look!" " What?" " For over the mantelpiece." "It's perfect!" "It's a dead fish." "It's an antique stuffed and mounted trout, and I think it's manly." " Oh, please!" " It is!" "It's very Ralph Lauren." "Sookie, Jackson loves you." "You're not seriously telling me the future of your marriage depends on Leon Troutsky over there." "I guess not." "Just think about it, okay?" "You don't have to make every decision right now." "Do a little more shopping." "Maybe you'll find something even more disgusting someplace else." " Okay." " Okay, I gotta go pick up Rory at the airport, and then we'll swing by and pick up you guys for the festival." " Great." " Okay, see you later." " Ten bucks if you don't let her buy the fish." " Twenty." " You're kidding?" " I never kid." "You know, I believe that." "Hey Gilmore!" "Mom!" "Luckily there are video cameras everywhere that caught that very graceful moment on tape." " I am so glad to see you!" " No, I'm glad to see you!" " I'm never leaving home again." " Oh, that's my emotionally stunted girl!" "Hey, I got you gifts." "What?" "I'm the one that left town, I'm supposed to get you gifts." "Oh, but I got here early and there was nothing to do except feed gummy bears to the bomb-sniffing dogs which, apparently, the United States government frowns upon." "You got in trouble with the government while you were waiting for me?" " Just a little." " How much is a little?" "Learn Russian." "Okay, here you go." " Wow, a Hartford, Connecticut sweatshirt." " Nice, huh?" "Hartford, Connecticut notebook, Hartford, Connecticut pencil set, a Hartford, Connecticut shot glass." "And beer mug!" "Hartford baguette, Hartford bear, a Hartford sunglasses." " You like?" " I love." "All right, let's go." "We'll get your bags, then we'll hit the road, and I can't wait to hear all about Washington." "And, by the way, I got you out of dinner with the Gilmores tonight." "I thought you and Dean might enjoy a little Peaches and Herb time together." "Oh, thanks." "What'd you tell 'em?" " That you get home tomorrow." " Big fat lie." "Yes, which proves how much I love you." "The fact that I was willing to lie to my own parents who I never lie to just so you could have a night of happiness is proof positive of my deep undying devotion that I have for you." "I appreciate that." "And all that devotion can be yours for the low, low price of $29.95!" " Forget it." " Okay, I'll throw in a set of steak knives." "My bags, please?" "Are you telling me that you want this gesture of love for free?" "What kind of world are you living in?" "Oh my God, you do know one option was leaving some of your books at home?" " Hey, I offered to carry that one." " Next time, don't offer – insist." "Look, I'm lopsided now." "I can't believe I'm home." "I feel like I've been away forever." "I agree." " Hello living room." " Hello Rory, we missed you." "Not the ottoman, of course, but everyone knows he's a snob." "Napoleon complex, he only really likes the magazine rack." "Oh my God, I missed everything." "My kitchen, my room, my books, my CDs, my stuff." " Where's my pillow?" " What?" " You took my pillow." " I did not take your pillow." "You waited until I left, you went into my room, and you took my pillow." " Well, you weren't using it." " What else did you take?" "Nothing." "Your comforter came into my room by itself..." " and brought your Bauhaus T-shirt with it." " I want my stuff back by tomorrow morning." "Just 'cause you leave doesn't mean the world stops." " By noon." " Fine." " Lor, it's me, please just call..." " Dad?" " Yeah." " Still haven't talked to him yet, huh?" " No, you?" " Nope." " He's called." " I know." "He's called me, too." " I just..." "I don't really know what to say." " How long are you gonna freeze him out for?" "I don't know." " Right." " You?" " I don't know either." " I have to tell my parents tonight." "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you and..." "I don't know, distract 'em?" "No, you've got Dean coming over." "I'll be fine." "I'll bring them something shiny." " Okay, I'm gonna go change then." " For what?" "The festival." "Hon, you know what, if you don't wanna go, we don't have to go." "Why would I not wanna go?" "Of course I wanna go." "You just got home, you've got Dean coming over." "No, I wanna go." "I wanna go because this is our town and we need to support these things." "All right, but... you don't have to change for that." "Well, I've been away for awhile, I wanna make a nice impression." " On who?" " Whoever has to look at me." "All right, just hustle." "I promised Jackson and Sookie I'd pick them up along the way." " I'll just be a minute." " No woman is ever a minute when she changes." " Do not judge me by your own standards." " Wow, fancy." "Not fancy." "You know, you'll have time to come home and change for Dean." "Well, I can just change now, then I won't have to do it later." "Okay." "Hey Rory," " I don't want you to freeze out your dad because I am." " I'm not." "'Cause I'm fine if you wanna go back to the way things were." " I think that would be a little hard this time." " Okay, maybe not now, but eventually." "Eventually, maybe, but for now – solidarity sister." "You've been waiting for six weeks to do that, haven't you?" "I'll just be a minute." "See, three minutes faster." "I also found a way to get to Al's Pancake World that shaves a good forty seconds off our normal route." " You were really bored when I was gone, weren't you?" " You have no idea." "Are you crazy?" "Have you lost your mind?" " I don't understand why you're so upset." " How can you not understand?" " I told you a thousand times." " I thought you were just being nice." "Nice!" "Sookie, look at this place!" " I think it looks nice." " Nice... nice?" " This is nice... this is nice?" " Well, it's masculine!" "No, it's terrifying!" "I swear I'm gonna come out in the middle of the night for a drink of water," " turn around, hit the floor and play dead!" " Okay, so, we have a little work to do." " Just put it back the way it was." " No, I want you to be happy!" "I was happy, I told you I was happy, you just didn't wanna believe I was happy!" " We'll just check on them a little later." " Excellent idea." "Okay, so, do we do cheese stick, hot dog, cotton candy, or do we mix it up a little – start with the cotton candy and end with the cheese stick?" "Who are you looking for?" "No one, I'm just taking in all the madness, that's all." " Lorelai, good." "Have you used the cream yet?" " Not yet, Kirk." " Good, there's been a little problem." " What kind of problem?" "Nothing of major concern." "It just seems that with continual use, the cream develops some weird reactions to light... and air... and movement." "Are you serious?" "Don't worry, it's just a small kink." "It'll all be worked out soon." " I have three cases of that stuff sitting at the inn." " Well, get rid of it." " Kirk." " But don't throw it in the trash." " Apparently, that would be an EPA violation." " What am I supposed to do with the stuff?" " Shooting it into space is about all I've got now." " Kirk!" " I'll pick up the cases tomorrow." " Thank you." " Hey." " What?" "Do you sometimes think this town is weird or is it just me?" " Hey Taylor, is this where the mosh pit starts?" " Hello Lorelai, Rory." "So what do you think of the band?" "Pretty big city, don't you think?" "I sure do." " What?" " What?" "I'm agreeing with you." "They are smokin'!" " I do not care for that sarcastic tone, Lorelai." " Well... no, I'm being nice here!" "You have an opinion on everything." "Nothing is ever up to your standards." "That is not true." "I'm sure these guys are all great barbers." "I don't even know why I bother." "That is it – I have been it for the last..." "What?" "Oh, well, looks like he's got his 'what I did this summer' essay all researched and ready to go." " Guess you dodged a bullet there, huh?" " What do you mean?" "I don't know." "It seems kind of lucky that you didn't throw everything away for Jess when you see..." "See what?" "What am I seeing?" " You're upset." " No, I'm not upset." "Yes, you are upset." "I know when you're upset 'cause you look like my mother." " Thanks a lot." " You like my mother." "Yes, but you don't like your mother, so when you tell me that I look like your mother," " it's not exactly a compliment." " Honey, what is wrong?" " Oh God!" " What is it?" "It's that!" " Jess?" " Yes!" " You're upset about Jess?" " I said yes." " Yes, it's Jess?" " You're not being funny." "It's not my fault that yes and Jess rhyme." "Did I exploit the opportunity, of course I did, but..." " Rory, come on." "I know you had this crush..." " It wasn't a crush." "Well, I thought it was over." "I mean, you haven't talked to him since..." "Sookie's wedding." " You talked to him at Sookie's wedding?" " Yes." " He wasn't at Sookie's wedding." " Yes, he was." " He had just come back and he came to see me." " Okay, so he crashed Sookie's wedding, and..." "And nothing." "He told me that he was back in town, that he'd moved back, and..." " What Rory?" "Come on." " And we kissed, okay?" " You kissed?" " Yes." " You kissed, like... you kissed?" " Yes." " Okay, who kissed who?" " What does that matter?" "Because it matters." "Did he kiss you, did you kiss each other, did you trip and your faces accidentally..." " I kissed him." " Okay." "And I don't know, I thought he came back here because he liked me or something, and I kissed him and he kissed me back, and now he's over there and I feel so stupid and..." " that girl isn't even his type and..." " Rory, what are you doing?" "What do you mean, what am I doing?" "I'm ranting." "You should recognize this, I learned it from you." "Yeah, but you went to Sookie's wedding with... with Dean." " I know." " And then you ran off to have some thing with Jess." " It was a kiss, not a thing." " A kiss is a thing." "Well, it wasn't planned, it just happened." "I can't believe it." "All this time I'm thinking, 'She's with Dean.'" "I am with Dean." "No, Rory – kissing another guy is not being with Dean." " Ask him, I bet he'd back me up on that." " It was nothing." " Well, then why are you so freaked out?" " I'm not freaked out." "Look, kid, you have gotta make up your mind." "Jess, Dean, Jess, Dean, it's enough already." "If you want Jess, that's fine – go get him, there he is." "If you think that's the great love of your life, then great... grab a liver treat and a squeaky toy and run to him." "Don't worry about that girl because I'm sure he will have moved onto somebody else in about an hour." "But do something." "Dean has been sweet and supportive and incredibly patient, and now you are officially treating him like dirt, and I'm sorry, but not only is that not you, he doesn't deserve that." " God, I wish they knew another song!" " I know all of this about Dean." " You do?" " Yes, I do." "I know how great he is." "I knew it before you did!" "Well, knowing this has apparently not stopped you from dragging his heart all over this town." " Not fair!" " Yes, fair, the fairest, the Snow White of fair." "I don't wanna talk to you about this anymore." "Okay, listen, if you don't wanna be with Dean anymore, cut him loose." "Let him find someone who does because this is just so... wrong!" " All right, I get it, I... just stop!" " Rory!" " Hi Dean." " I thought your plane didn't get in 'til six." " Well, I managed to get an earlier flight." " Well, I'm off to dinner with the parents." " Do you have..." " No, she's off the hook." "You guys have all night to... talk." "Enjoy." "Good to have you back, Dean." " Thanks." " See you later." " So, did I interrupt something?" " No, nothing." "We were just..." " Hi, you're back." " Yeah, I'm back, and I'm glad to find you not blonde." "Yeah, I was just having way too much fun, so..." " I missed you." " I missed you, too." " Lorelai, nice to see you." " Oh, sorry I'm late, Mom." "No, don't be sorry." "That's what the warm setting was invented for." "Richard, Lorelai's here!" "Mom, before we get the evening started and all, I wanna tell you something." " Well, tell me outside." " No, I'll just do it here." "Why?" "Oh, there's just something about standing near the exit" " that's really working for me." " You're being silly, you don't discuss things standing by a door." "Come outside, come on." "I may have to take one more call tonight, Emily." "Ben Stellen and I got cut off." "Hello Lorelai." "Well, come outside with us until he calls back." "Lorelai's about to tell us something." "Oh, perhaps that she's decided to buy an accurate timepiece." "Oh, Richard." " Is Rory okay?" " Oh, yes, Rory's fine," "I'm fine, everything's fine, it's really not that big a deal." "What would you like to drink?" " Oh, whatever." " I can't read minds, Lorelai." " I really don't care, Dad." "Whatever you have." " We have everything, Lorelai." " Al right, I'll have a Yaegermeister and a Jell-O shot." " Excuse me?" " White wine." " All right, sit, sit." "Now go ahead, tell us." " Okay, well..." " Oh, wait just a second." " We brought you something from Martha's Vineyard." " Oh, that's great, but maybe we could just do..." " Okay, I guess it's present time." " Open it." "Scone mix, wow." "This new little place opened right down the road from our house and they make these wonderful scones, and that is their mix so you can make them right in your own kitchen." "Well, thanks, Mom." "I will put this right on the counter and stare at it for many years to come." " You're not going to make them?" " Oh, I'm not really much of a baker." " But the instructions are right there on the back." " Yeah, I know, but still." "Still what?" "Those are good scones." "Hey, maybe I'll give this to Sookie and she'll bake them." "I don't understand why you simply can't follow those directions and make the scones." "Rory would love those scones." "Okay, I promise one way or another, the scones will get eaten." " That being said, can we please move on?" " Fine, go ahead, talk, we're listening." "Okay, well, it's about Christopher." "Oh, that reminds me, we got him a captain's hat." " Richard, where is that hat?" "Lorelai can bring it to him." " No, I can't!" "Why not?" "Well, it's just..." " Chris and I aren't..." " Aren't what?" " They aren't together anymore, Richard." " Why not?" " I'm sure a vague reason is forthcoming." " It just didn't work out, that's all." " And there it is." " I know you're disappointed." "Disappointed, oh please!" "Lorelai, this is ridiculous." " The two of you aren't in high school anymore." " I know." " Emily, let's not talk about this." " No, we are going to talk about it." "You're running around like you have no responsibility in life, like you can flit from thing to thing..." " That's not true." " ... from man to man." " I don't flit from man to man." " You have a daughter, this affects Rory too, you know!" " Emily, you're wasting your breath." " I know this affects Rory." "I'm not doing this lightly." "In fact, I'm not doing anything at all." " There's no reason to raise your voice." " I can't believe this." "I wanna know why." "I want a reason." "I don't want any of this 'just because' and 'it just didn't work out' nonsense." "I want a solid, adult reason why the father of my granddaughter" " and her mother can't seem to put a family together." " His girlfriend is pregnant." " What?" " Sherry is pregnant, and when Christopher found out, he went back to her and that, Mother, is the reason." " Are they getting married?" " I don't know... probably." " Oh, of course they're getting married." " How do you know?" "I know because I know Christopher, and Christopher always tries to do the right thing." "The right thing is for him to be with his family." "Lorelai and Rory are his family." " He met this woman two minutes ago." " Emily, he is going to be a father." " He already is a father!" " I really really don't wanna discuss this anymore." " Lorelai, you have to talk to him." " There's nothing to talk about." " Tell him you wanna get married." " Okay, Mom, please stop." "Yes, Emily, please stop." "You know that Lorelai never does anything unless she wants to..." " no matter the consequences to anyone else." " What's that supposed to mean?" "Lorelai wants to be with Christopher, she told us that at the wedding." " Yes, and now the wind has changed." " Excuse me?" "Christopher is living up to his responsibilities as he tried to do many years ago with Lorelai," " then she turned him down and turned him away." " I was sixteen." "If Christopher has found someone who will actually allow him to be a father to his own child, then of course, that's what he's going to do." " So you support this?" " I understand this." " I am appalled by your attitude." " And I am shocked by your naïveté." "Did you really expect this to work out?" "Did you really have pictures of Norman Rockwell family Christmases dancing in your head?" "Lorelai had her chance for a family, she walked away from it." "That was her choice." " He has a chance to be a father." "I applaud him." " Then you're an idiot." "If you'll excuse me, I'm going into my study." "Richard!" "You do not walk out on me when we are having a discussion." "Richard!" "We're closed." "I know." "Look, I didn't come here to make up, or to try to get you to forgive me, or talk." "I wouldn't even have come here at all but I had a really crappy night and I really, really need a cup of coffee." "Just pretend I'm not me." "I'm Mimi, a new customer." "I've never been in here before." "I was just walking down the street and I spotted this place. 'Ooh, hey, nice place.'" "And I came in." "Now Mimi is going to pour herself a cup of coffee and sit over here way far away from you, and she promises, just as soon as she's done, she will rinse out her own cup and leave." "This is the second time I let myself do this." " Do what?" " Think I finally found it." " Found what?" " Love, comfort, safety." "I mean, first with Max, which of course, I screwed up, and then with Christopher, which of course, all the elements of the universe got together to screw up." "Yup, it's tough when the universe is against you." "That's like taking on the Manhattan garbage union." "I always thought if he could just get it together, grow up... maybe we could do it." "Maybe we could really be a family, in the stupid, traditional 'Dan Quayle, golden retriever, grow old together, wear matching jogging suits' kind of way." "And then he did get it together – he became that guy... and he gets to be that guy with her." "Chris is gonna have a baby with his girlfriend." "He's gonna marry her... and he's gonna be there for her while she's pregnant and he's gonna be there with her while her child grows up, and he's gonna be there for her while she does... whatever it is she does." "And I am in exactly the same place that I was in before." "Is that so bad?" "I mean, you got Rory." "Yes, I do." "You got friends, you got a house, a job, apparently an iron stomach." "No, it's not so bad." "I'm lucky, I know." "I just..." "I feel like I'm never gonna have it... the whole package, you know?" "That person, that couple life, and I swear, I hate admitting it because I fancy myself Wonder Woman, but..." "I really want it... the whole package." " You'll get it." " How do you know?" " I know." " How do you know?" "Because I know, okay?" "I know." "Now eat your donut." " I'm really not very hungry." " Well, take it with you." "You will be later." "Forget it, first time customers are on the house." " Mimi, was it?" " Yeah." "Come again, Mimi." "Thanks, I will." "Seems like a very nice place." " Hey, you're home." " Yup, I'm home." "Oh, hey, I figured how to get the Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer out of our heads... to sing the Small World song over and over for the next forty-eight hours." "Of course, how we get the Small World song out of our heads, I have not worked out yet." "Okay, see, that was not how that whole scene between us was supposed to go." " No?" " No." "I mean, yes," "I was surprised and I do think the basic sentiment of 'make up your mind' was kind of called for." " Absolutely called for." " But I didn't mean to upset you and yell at you and make you feel bad, I'm really sorry, hon." "I know, but you were right." "Ah, well, that's once, I guess." " So how was dinner?" " So how was Dean?" " So how was dinner?" " So how was Dean?" "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Williams' sisters take center stage at Wimbledon once again." " Dinner was bad." " Sorry." "That's okay, I knew it would be." "Oh, but the good news is we can now go back to Luke's." " You made up!" "How did you make up?" " Well, I'm Mimi now." " Oh, sure." " So speaking of Dean, is there still a Dean?" " Yeah, there's still a Dean." " Really?" "I don't know what I was doing." "Maybe it's because I haven't dated a lot but this Jess thing was crazy." "And I do love Dean and you were absolutely right..." "I was treating him like dirt and I wasn't appreciating what was right in front of me, but I'm going to now." "Rory, I don't want you to stay with Dean because of me." "I know." " 'Cause I was upset earlier." " I know." "I still have this Christopher thing bugging me and the pressure of tonight's dinner." " I know." " I didn't wanna upset you and I certainly don't want you to make an important decision off of..." " Because it's too important..." " Mom." " And I just want you to be happy." " Mom!" "All I did was think about what you said, that's all." " Then I analyzed the situation." " And then you made a pro and con list." "You're mocking me, but yes, I did." "And after all of this, I came to the conclusion that I want to make things good with Dean, and he deserves my undivided attention." " And you feel good about this?" " I feel really good about this." "Okay, because if you decided you really did wanna date Jess, I would help you..." " get vaccinated." " Thank you, but I'm good." " All right, as long as you're good." " I am good." " Well, okay, good." " What about you, are you good?" " Me?" "Well, I'm gonna be good." " Is there anything I can do to help?" " Your existence is a huge help." " We're both gonna be good." "Yeah." "I wonder if Christopher and Sherry's baby is going to look like me?" "Well, if the kid knows what's good for it, it absolutely will." "Hand me my purse, will you?" "I'm hungry."