"Hey everybody." "This is Rick." "Before we start today's episode." "I want to show you a clip from our upcoming Christmas show." "which is available exclusively on our DVD." "And believe me, when you see this you'll know how difficult this was for me to shoot." "Dude, what's up?" "It's tradition." "What the fuck!" "Seriously, again?" "!" "Okay, I may have blown a few takes so I could do that scene over and over and over again." "If you've already bought our DVD thank you so much." "If not, please go to wherethebearsare.tv and order one today." "We really want to do a 2nd Season." "But, we can only do it if everybody buys 1 or 2 or 3 copies" "So enjoy today's episode." "I personally can't watch this one because it's way too scary." "So, what do you want to do today?" "Wanna go for a bike ride or take a hike?" "Yeah right." "I know you were only suggesting that for my benefit." "Which is sweet." "But I want to do what you want to do today." "Which I imagine is, get take out and watch All About Eve, again." "You are too good to me." "Hey, can I use your laptop to order up a meat-lovers pizza?" "Okay, I've got my own meat-lover right here." "But pizza sounds good too." "I'm gonna grab a shower in the meantime." "So don't go looking through my inbox, looking for any ex boyfriends." "Don't be silly." "You know, I'd never do that." "Uh huh." "Alright, Palm Springs Pizza." "Old boyfriends huh?" "Well, it won't hurt to just check the sent emails." "J Cub, After living with you all these months I realize I love you." "J Cub, I was hoping for an email back." "Did you get my last email?" "J Cub, Please tell me how you feel!" "I am crazy about you!" "J Cub, I'm beginning to think you are an ASSHOLE!" "YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE!" "I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS EVER ATTRACTED TO A FUCKING PEICE OF SHIT LIKE YOU!" "GET READY TO DIE:):):):)" "DIE!" "DIE!" "DIE!" "DIE!" "DIE!" "DIE!" "Wood and Reggie were right!" "He's J Cub's killer!" "I gotta get out of here." "Oh my God." "Oh my God." "Alright, I'm gonna go to the police station." "I'm gonna call Wood and Reggie." "And tell them the guy I'm dating is a killer." "Hiding from me?" "No, why would you say that?" "What are you doing?" "They won't deliver." "I have to go get it." "Well, I'll go with you." "No, no, no!" "You're all wet." "And it will take you too long to get dressed." "And I need pepperoni now!" "Okay, but don't take too long." "Keys?" "Keys?" "Keys?" "Jacket, they're in the jacket." "Jacket, get the keys." "Put them in my pocket." "Gotta go." "Good, you're still here." "I'm dressed now, so I can go with you." "No you can't." "Stop suffocating me!" "Why can't you give me a minute to myself Mr. Clingy!" "What are you doing with my laptop?" "Yeah." "I got your laptop." "And I saw the emails Todd." "The ones you sent to J Cub." "These!" "The ones where you were professing your undying love for him!" "And he told you to go away." "But you got all angry and hostile and crazy!" "I didn't write those." "I've never seen those before." "I swear to God!" "They're on your computer!" "I don't know how they got there." "It all makes sense now." "You and J Cub were both at my Birthday party." "And you followed him into the bathroom." "Didn't you!" "And you wanted to have sex with him!" "What?" "But he rejected you!" "And you couldn't take that, could you!" "So you decided to get your revenge!" "No, Nelson." "That's not how it happened." "You got this all wrong!" "Stay back!" "He was the one trying to have sex with me for months!" "I told him it wasn't like that." "That we were just friends." "But he wouldn't listen!" "Yeah, well why didn't you tell that to the Police?" "!" "Because I'm no fucking angel, Nelson!" "I have a record!" "I've been arrested twice for aggravated assault!" "I din't want to tell you this!" "I didn't want it to change the way you felt about me!" "But if the cops showed up and I was there the night he died." "And there was this unrequited crush he had on me or something." "What was I suppose to do!" "All fingers were gonna point to me being the killer." "You figured out a way to put the poison on J Cub's Martini glass, so that when I served it to him." "All it took was one sip!" "One sip and he was dead in the bathtub!" "Look, that's not how it happened." "You're jumping to conclusions!" "Don't touch me!" "Look, you're not thinking clearly!"