" Larry, have you got the fruit?" " Well, what do you think?" " Of what?" " You know perfectly well what, Larry." "It's lovely." "What is it?" "Oh, I know what it is." "I think you'll probably drown." "It'll get waterlogged and drag you down with it." " It's not." " It can't be." " (Larry) It looks like a badly skinned whale." " You can't wear it, not to swim in." "I certainly can." "And don't be so rude or I shall forbid you all to go." " (Roger barks) - (Gerry) Mother, don't flap it about like that." "I don't care what you say, I am determined to wear it." "(All laughing)" "(Roger barks)" "(Laughing) What you look like, Mother, is a sort of marine Albert Memorial." " (Leslie laughs)" " Come on, Mother." "Come on." " Looks cold." " It isn't cold." "Oh, it is cold." "It is..." "Oh." "Ro..." "Roger!" " Gerry, stop him." " (Ripping)" "(Laughter)" "(Roger growls." "Yelps.)" "Gerry, do something." "Roger." "He's doing his best to rescue you from that dead whale you're wrapped in." " Good boy, Roger." " (Laughter)" "Oh, Roger." "(Panting)" "Oh, look." "Look what he's done." "We can't blame the dog, Mother." "You do look like a sea monster." "Well done, Roger." "We could have been attacked from the sea." "(Growling)" "(All laughing)" "Picnics remind me of camping." "(Larry) You've never been camping in your life." "Oh, yes, I have." "With your father." " When?" " In India." "(Leslie) First I heard of it." "We often used to go camping, sometimes miles and miles into the jungle." "It was quite dangerous." " What, just the two of you?" " Course." " Well, I'm blown." " Oh, it was very exciting." "First of all, the elephants would go off with the marquees and carpets, then the servants would follow with the silver, the linen, the beds and things." " Call that camping?" " Oh, it was." "I'll have you know that on one occasion, an elephant went astray." "Your father didn't have any clean sheets for three days." "He was furious." "My God, that was really roughing it." "Roger, sit down and listen or you won't hear anything." "Everybody on the whole of the island of Corfu is snoring except you and me, Roger, and the sea and the fishes in the sea and the cicadas." "(Whines)" " Swim." " (Barks)" "Yeah!" " Roger, come on." " (Barks)" "They're blennies, Roger." "Come on, Roger." "I'm thirsty." "(Roger barks)" "(Snoring)" "(Snoring)" "Ah, Yani's asleep." "Perhaps if we make enough noise, Roger, we can wake him up." "I know what we can do to wake him up, don't you?" "(Roger yelps)" "(Clucking, squawking)" "(Bleating, barking)" "Good afternoon." "I hope you slept well." "Good afternoon, little lord." "I heard a noise." "There was a noise." "How is your health?" "My health is excellent." "Your health?" "It is likewise." "It is a very hot afternoon." "This afternoon is hot enough to melt a bottle." "Sit." "You will honour me by sitting and eating and drinking with me." "Little lord, you are always on your stomach, whenever I come upon you in the hills, in the grass, wherever." "You are on your stomach, looking at the creatures." "Please, sit." "Aphrodite!" "Aphrodite... (Speaks Greek)" "(Aphrodite replies)" "She slept." "(Speaks Greek)" "It was too hot." "Fruit and drink for the little lord." "Under a rock this morning, curved like the sword of a Turk, surrounded with its own poison." " He was full." " Dead?" "Of course dead." "Drowned in the oil." "That one was a killer." "Observe the quantity of poison." "(Cock crows)" "(Yani grunts)" " That one was a fighter." " Why?" "You ask why, little lord, I tell you why." "You, who are interested in all the little crawling and scurrying little ones of God, you should know because, one day, when you are on your stomach, observing, some devil such as this one," "perhaps his brother will take it into his head to sting you, that is why." "Yes?" "It may never happen." "It has never happened to me." " But should it..." " Will I die?" " Undoubtedly." " In agony?" "Undoubtedly." "In your ear." "You are so close to the ground, it will enter your ear." "I knew a young man." "He had drunk new wine, his stomach was warm with it." "He sniffed the sleep in the air." "He looked for shade." "He found it under myrtles." "But while he slept, a scorpion crept into his ear." "And when he woke, it struck." "(Girl laughing)" "What happened?" "First of all, madness." "Then death." "No one heard his agonies." "Just one little bite, little lord." " You may have that." " Thank you." "Why?" "If ever you are bitten." "It is why I never sleep except in a chair." "This oil, rub it on if you are bitten." "(Cock crows)" "Nice?" "(Speaks Greek)" "Look." "Roger." "(Roger yelps)" "It's a trap door." "A little trap door." "Do you think anything lives there?" "A wasps' nest, perhaps?" "Something like that?" "Nothing at home." "(Scratching)" "Stop that, Roger." " Roger." " (Roger whines)" "Come on." "Home." "(Barking)" "(Gerry) I found something rather intriguing." " Oh, that's nice, dear." " Is it to do with fish, flesh or fowl?" " Darling..." " Insects, I suppose." " ..this is Dr Stephanides." " Theodore." " He, too, is an eccentric lover of nature." " (Laughs)" "He, too, spends a lot of time on his stomach, peering at things." "How do you do?" "You must be Gerry." "I am." "I'm sure they must be nests." "You are?" "Round trap doors, which open in the moss." "Trap-door spider." "How wonderful." "Perhaps we could verify it if it is not too far away." "Don't let him drag you all over the island." "(Sighs) I must get on." "I must cook something." "Gerry has no conception of distance." "Spiro can take you." "Where is Spiro?" " No." "We would rather walk." " Yes, we would." "Spiro's been behaving very strangely lately." "Yes." "I saw him lurking today." "I mean, there is no other word for it." "He was lurking." " We'll send him after you." " Yes." "Don't let him drink any of your wine." "Now then, Gerry." "(Sighs) I can't sit here." "You know, I've never bought wine by the barrel before." "It's very economical." "Yes, isn't it?" "I expect it will last for ever." "(Mrs Durrell sings) ♪ La la di di di ♪" "(Cicadas chirrup)" "It's up there." "Ah." "Yes." " Huh." " Is it one?" "Erm, yes." "Yes." "Cteniza." "You have discovered the burrows of the trap-door spider." "One has to take great care." "The female holds on to the trap door with her legs and one must take great care..." "Not her legs, rather, her claws." "These are, of course, as you know, the burrows of the female spider." "The burrows of the male, as I said, as you know..." " No." " Oh." "Doctor, I don't know." "Oh..." "Theodore, or, Theo, among colleagues." "No, of course you don't know, didn't know." "You do know now?" "(Laughs)" "The burrows of the male are smaller." "So, a grasshopper making its way across, or any small insect, prey, the female pops out of her hole and, er, catches the creature." "If you look carefully, you should find others." "They live in colonies." "Ah, now." "♪ La da da la da da da di" "♪ La da di da da di di di" "♪ La ba ba la da di" "♪ La da di di di ♪" " What are you cooking, Mother?" " Something absolutely delicious." "I am inventing it." "I think I'll take the precaution of dosing myself with bicarbonate of soda before we eat this evening." " Look at my scorpion." " Oh." "Oh, darling, I do draw the line at scorpions in the house." " Is it dead?" " Of course it's dead." "Larry, you eat too much." "It's bad for you." "(Mumbles)" "It's all your fault." "I've seen the most marvellous spiders." "As you know, the trap-door spider lives in these wonderful burrows." " Excuse me, dear." " Mrs Durrells, how bitters it is for me to say this." " Spiro, I've been waiting for this." " I've been forgetting things" " because of the tragedies is happenings." " Well, it's not good enough." "No." "I have important pronouncements to make." "What is it, Spiro?" "Is terribles." "Horribles and terrible." "Yes, but what is it?" "I..." "Nothing." "Is nothing." "(Spiro laughs)" "OK." "OK." "Goodbye." "Oh, dear." "I do hope Spiro isn't in love with you as well, Margo, like all those other Greek chaps." "How does the female spider not know when it is the male spider coming over the moss and pop out of its trap door to devour it?" "That is the problem." "There." "That's everything in." "Mother." "Is it wise to just throw everything into the pot?" "Good gracious no, dear." "No, you've gotta know what you're doing." " But Mother, you've..." " Spiro's been behaving very oddly lately, popping up in the oddest places." " Why have you been in the oddest places?" " (Laughing)" "I don't know what you mean." "Larry." "Are you feeling all right?" "No, I think I've got a bit of indigestion." "Are you sure it's indigestion?" "You know, I think Margo's in love." "Well, I hope it's with someone who can tango." "(Larry laughs)" "(♪ Gramophone:" "Tango)" "(Distant cawing)" "I hope you can't die of eating scorpion poison." "Is no goods." "I'm sorrys to tell you these horrible things, Mrs Durrells, but I wait until she goes into the house before I tells you." "I thinks you oughts to knows." " What is the matter now, Spiro?" " Oh, please, Spiro, don't tell us." " It's Missy Margo." " There, there." "What did I tell you?" " He is in love with Spotty." " (Laughs)" "Young mans, is no laughing matter." "Mrs Durrells, did you knows that she's meeting a mans?" "Yes." "A man?" "Didn't we, boys?" " Yes." " Well, it's news to me." " Meetings, I mean." " Yes, meetings." "Meetings hims." "Oh, yes." " Yes." " Yes." "We...we know that." "Did you knows..." " he's a Turk?" " Yes." "Er, no." " A Turk?" " Oh, we knew that." "You knows that?" "Well, no, we didn't." "But what is wrong with being a Turk?" "Mrs Durrells, he's a Turk." "A real Turk." "I wouldn't trust any son of a bitch Turk with any girls." "Is horribles." "He'll cut her throats, that's what he'll do." "Honest to Gods, Mrs Durrells, is not safe." "Missy Margo swimmings with hims." "Her throats." "Her..." "Well, I'll speak to her about it." "I'm glads I tells you." "I thought you oughts to know." "Don't you worry, Mrs Durrells, if he did anything to Missy Margo," "Spiro Americano from Chicago fixes the bastard." " Perhaps we ought to invite him to tea." " (Laughter)" "It's from Theodore." "Dr Stephanides." " He's a real scientist, you know." " When did it arrive?" "Spiro brought it with the post." "Erm, he says, "Not very high magnification but you will find it sufficient for field work."" "It's a microscope." "A real microscope." "(Quietly) Oh, God." "I feel awful." " I've got a fever." " A hangover." "You don't shiver with a hangover." "(Sighs) I'm going to bed." " Come on, Larry, I think you've had enough." " Too much food." "Too much wine." " Are you sure?" " Not enough exercise, that's his trouble." " Where's Mother?" " Outside in the garden, I think." "(Roger yelps)" " Gerry?" " Mother?" " Are you there, dear?" " Yes." " (Loudly) Can you hear me?" " Yes." "Oh, good." "Because I want you to know that more than anywhere else, I want to be buried here, among the bose rushes." "No." "I mean the rose bushes." " Oh." "That's good." " Isn't it, dear?" "Yes." "Much better than all those other places you've chosen." "I mean, not so far to go." "No." "Mother?" "Larry's not feeling well." "Really?" "You see, I don't know where he wants to be buried." "Mother, Larry's on fire." "(Roger barks)" "Larry's on fire!" "Oh, quick." "Save him." "Larry?" "Oh, good heavens." "No wonder he's..." "Look at that fire." "He said he was cold, so I put more wood on." " Wake up." "For heaven's sake, wake up." " What's the matter?" " (Mrs Durrell) The room's on fire." " Well, get Leslie to just put it out." "Well, throw something on it." "Oh." "Water, you fool, not brandy." " What the hell's going on?" " (Mrs Durrell) The room's on fire, dear." "Well, there's no reason for me to freeze to death." "Mother, go and get some water with Margo." "Gerry, open a window." "(Sighs) That's right." "There, there." "All done without any fuss." "Now, will someone go and get me a cup of tea?" "I've got a splitting headache." " Larry, you really are as tiddled as an owl." " Absolutely." "Nonsense." "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be burnt in your beds." "(Snoring)"