"It's crazy." "And I get there and guess what?" "There is no death!" "Wasn't it a relief when you realized that?" "Nate!" "Thank God!" "Maya?" "Maya?" "Hey, honey." "Where's my daddy?" "Um..." "Daddy's not here." "Ooh, I bet they love it!" "Hi, Greg." "Don't worry." "Whatever it was, we will pay you for it." "It's okay." "Did you sleep at all?" "The boys aren't up yet, are they?" "I'll take care of breakfast." "Why don't you go back to bed and try and get a little sleep?" "I can't." "I have to pick up Nate's body." "Can't Rico do it?" "I should do it, Keith." "He's my brother." " Well, maybe it's too much." " It's not." "So right after breakfast, you have to take the boys to get suits for the funeral." "You know, I can be with you today." "I mean, it doesn't matter what the boys wear." "It does matter to me." "I'd start at Nordstrom's." "They're having a sale." "It's okay if the sleeves are a little long," "But if you really need alterations... take them to Lester's on Vine." "Tell them that you need it first thing tomorrow." "Say David Fisher sent you." "I wrote down the address." "I didn't know he wanted his organs harvested." "His wife approved it." "Is there a problem?" "No, of course not." " It'll save a lot of people's lives." " I know." "Oh, fuck!" "You want one?" "I got them from your brother, but they suck." "Stupid cunt!" "You want me to make you something else?" "Yogurt?" "Oatmeal?" "How about a scotch and soda?" "Is it too soon for another pill?" " When did you take your last one?" " Three hours ago." "Sure, go ahead." "Don't worry." "If you get addicted..." "I have a lot of experience getting people through withdrawal." "Mmm." " You can have it all." " Mmm." "I wish you were a food medicator." "When my second husband died..." "I couldn't stop eating for an entire year." "It really helped." "Hey there!" " Hi." " There's coffee!" "Oh, no thanks." "I think I've already had too much coffee today." "I made you some eggs." "You see how much your mom enjoyed hers." "Oh, thank you, but I'm fine." "Why didn't you call Dr. DiPaolo?" "Mom, I told you he was out of town." "But this was an emergency." "I don't understand why no one even spoke to him." "They thought he was going to be fine." "He was talking to us, Mom." "He really seemed okay." "But none of it makes any sense!" "Sometimes things just don't." "David, is there anything I can do to, like, help you?" "What do you mean?" "Why would I need any help?" "I just mean, like, dealing." "I can deal, thank you." "You can help me call people." " The list is in the office." " Okay." " When's the service?" " Tomorrow at noon." "I think we should wait a few days so people have time to get here." "Nate didn't want to embalmed." " How do you know?" " He told me." "Twice." "But we're going to..." "What?" "Nothing." "Never mind." "This was the pre-Need he filled out before the first surgery." "But that was three years ago." "He said he wanted a cremation and Rabbi Ari Hoffman to do the service." "She was supposed to marry us the first time." "Oh, right." "But just last week he said he wanted a "green funeral."" "What's that?" "It's an environmentally, uh... friendly process." "It's natural." "The body is placed in the ground, wrapped in a shroud." "No embalming or casket." "And people often purchase a resting place" "In a designated park kind of area as a way to conserve the land." "Well, that sounds nice." "Officially, we're supposed to honor the signed document, but I think he... intended to change the pre-Need and just never... didn't have time to." "So it's up to you as his spouse to decide what you think he would have wanted." "I have no idea." "No fucking idea." "I mean, Rabbi Ari?" "And now, apparently, he is some kind of Quaker." "Was, I mean." "You know, maybe we should just ask Maggie what he would have wanted." "What does Maggie have to do with it?" "Are you making decisions about Nate's funeral?" "We're just discussing what he might have wanted." "Doesn't my opinion mean something?" "He's my son." "I..." "I didn't think you'd want to talk about it." "I want him buried in the family plot next to his father." "Well, he wanted to be buried in a nature preserve." "But I want him next to me." "Well, then you can go there too then." "Hey, David." "You okay?" "I know." "I still can't believe it." "It's like... now we just go on with everything?" "That's what people do." "Yeah, I guess so." "I guess so." "Uh, so, um..." "Look, I'll, um..." " I'll take care of the Felix pickup." " What?" "The guy at the nursing home." "I'll take care of the whole funeral." "You don't have to worry about anything." " We can't take that funeral." " What do you mean?" "I don't want anyone else here during Nate's service." "David, they have a pre-Need." "They paid for the funeral 10 years ago." "Rico, please, just work it out." "Maya, eat your applesauce." "No." "Well, you have to eat something!" "I'm sorry, honey." "I'm so sorry." "I, um..." "I knocked over your plant." "I'll replace it." "What are you doing here?" "I thought you might need... um..." "I made you guys a quiche." "I didn't want to bother you." "I was just gonna leave it." "But, uh, then..." "Oh, Brenda, I'm so sorry." "What is this, some kind of Quaker thing?" "You fuck someone's husband to death and then you bring them a quiche?" "Would you please just admit it?" "It would be such relief to know when exactly my marriage turned into a total fucking lie." " Oh, it's not like that." " Like what?" "God!" "It's not like anything you're imagining." "Nate loved you." "I don't need you to tell me how my husband felt about me!" "Even if he was pissed off at me, he certainly wasn't in love with you even if he said he was." "Nate could be very convincing that way." "But all he ever wanted was someone who could make him feel like he was a better man than he actually was." "Could've been anyone." "Why didn't I ever get a stupid cell phone?" "'Cause you hate 'em." "Well, if I had one like every other person in the world..." "It wouldn't have saved him." "Why did Claire have to make me go get my hair cut?" "I've been cutting my own hair for years." "Why did she have to tease me about it now?" "When did you have your last pill, hon?" "I-I don't want another pill." "I want my son." "I want my beautiful son." "I know." "I know you do." "I know you do." "This wasn't supposed to happen." " I know." " Nate?" "Nate's the one who matters." "You know, I love you, son, but Nate..." "Nate's my little man." "I'm a man, Dad." "Oh, don't get your ass in a knot." "You know what I mean." "You were the one we thought we could lose." "What, with AIDS and picking up strange men on the side of the road," "And screwing a whore with no condom... all that sort of thing." "You've been begging for some kind of annihilation your entire life." " That's not true." " It's like a cosmic joke." "Oh God." "Your poor mother." "She must be going insane." " He was her favorite." " Who was yours?" "Claire has always been my little gal." "You know how that is." "You barely even knew Claire." "Pretty little heartbreaker." "Just like her mom... before she cracked." "You make me sick." "The feeling's mutual, cupcake." "Come on, Durrell, where are you?" "All right, I'm coming." "I'm coming." "No." "No, no, you have to wear your new shoes." "The pants drag on the floor with those." "Just put them on." "We've go to drop off something at my boss's before we go to the Fisher's." "Look, I'm telling you the pants are too long." "All right, maybe we can get them hemmed on the way, but then we have to leave now." "David?" "Excuse me." "I'm sure Brenda brought some clothes, but I..." "I happened to see his..." "his best suit, fresh from the cleaner." " We're not having a viewing." " Why not?" "Mom, I told you he didn't want to be embalmed or made up." "But people need a viewing." "You can look at him now." "When he came out of the surgery what exactly did the doctor say?" "Mom, I've told you this 100 times." "Well, you haven't been clear about it." "If he said everything was fine and Nate was awake and talking, then... clearly something went terribly wrong!" "What, do you think I killed him?" "Is that what you're trying to get me to say?" "How dare you speak to me that way?" "!" "How dare you?" "!" "I lost him too, Mom!" "All you've been doing is accusing me of doing the wrong thing!" "At least I was there!" "Fuck!" "What?" "I, um..." "I picked up the programs." "Thank you." " Thanks." " Mm-hmm." " Ted Fairwell." " Hi, it's Claire." "Hey, how are you?" "I'm bad." "Um, my brother is dead." "Oh my God." "What happened?" "Uh, I kind of have to get out of here and, um..." "I don't think I can drive." "Are you like, really busy?" "Um, no." "No." "I'll be right over." " Jesus Christ!" " Roger?" "You trashed me!" " You two stay here." " I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker!" "God damn it!" "River!" "What are you doing?" "That was my Coomb's kitty!" ""Tit for tat," you said." "You got your fucking tit!" "Now where's my cocksucking tat?" "I had to call in a lot of favors to get you that part." "It's not my fault they fired you after the table read!" "I was "Marky," man!" "Why didn't you tell them I have the chops?" " I'm cool!" " I said you were a comic genius." "You think I wasn't embarrassed when they told me you stunk up the place?" "You didn't fight for me." "Everyone sells me out" " my fucking life!" " What?" "You need to calm down now!" "Now what am I gonna do?" "I told my mom." "I did a mailing!" "Keith, I need you to take him to the Van Nuys airport." "I've got a friend at Warner's letting me use the jet." " I can't go to Van Nuys." " There's a reoccurring on" ""Two and a Half Men" I'm perfect for!" "I just want to send him to Cabo till he settles down." " I've got my kids." " It's fine." "Take them with you." "I just wanna show you how good I can be." "Shut up, Trevor." "You got your shot." "Look, we're on our way to a funeral." "David's brother died." "I'm so sorry." "That's awful." "Is there anything I can do?" "You can take care of this yourself." "Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie, but I've been overpaying you for a year." "This is the first time I've really needed you to do something." "Uh, Keith, we've got to get my pants fixed." "You can't go to a funeral with those hems." "Leave the boys with me and I'll have my girl do them." " She's a genius." " I'm not leaving my boys with you!" "We'll hem the pants and drop them off with David." "Please, let me help you help me." "Keith, I'm a good father." "I can handle two kids for an hour." "Okay." "But don't talk to 'em too much." " Can we have beer?" " No!" " Have we met somewhere?" " No!" "Shut up!" "Oh, sweetie." "My God." "Damn, you've had a shitty year." " I got your dress." " Thanks." "They swore to me it would fit." "And I picked up one for Maya." "And I brought some lox and vodka." "Great." "I can't drink." "Lox has mercury." "Oh, please, a couple shots of Stoli won't kill the baby." "You know, in my day we used to sit on our ass smoking Parliaments for nine months." "Today, you have one piece of Brie and everybody goes berserk." "Come on, sweetheart." "Here, have some of this." "It'll take the edge off." "I don't wanna take the edge off." "I guess I'm just blathering on like an idiot." "I don't know what to say, honey." "I'm just so sorry." "Hello, you." "How are you, Maya?" "I think she's a little confused." "Where's my daddy?" "Oh God!" "I don't..." "Your daddy... has gone away for a very long time." "Mom, you can't say that!" "Honey, Daddy's dead." "That means that he's not coming back ever." "Brenda!" "Jesus!" "You know, soften it up a little." "That's what the book said to do." "I even went online." "They all say you have to be clear or she gets confused." "When is Daddy coming back?" "Daddy's dead." "Remember, like Nemo's mom?" "Remember how we talked about that?" " Ah..." " You know what, Brenda?" "I think you should save this discussion for a time when you're less insane with grief." "I'm not insane with grief, Mom!" "Sweetie, you go on." "Go ahead, play with your toys, sweetheart." "Have you talked to Billy?" "He's not returning my calls." "Oh, I suppose he's still in Dubai." "Jesus, I hope they haven't taken him hostage." "He's not very docile." "I'm sure he hasn't been taken hostage, Mom." "You're right." "It's just that I'm a wreck." "I can't believe we're both widows." "It's just so horrifying." "At least you've got Olivier." "Well, he walked out on me last week." "You know, I didn't want to make today about me, but the truth is I want to fucking kill myself." "I mean, God, the pain is just searing." "I know it's not the same, but we're both alone now." "No, it's not the same." "Not at all." "So... are we going anywhere in particular?" "No." "You mind just driving?" "I don't mind." "What is this, a mix?" "Yeah." "I love "top 40."" "I'm sorry, but it just sounds so good sometimes." "I don't know why I keep thinking about these stupid fights I had with my brother," "Not like any of the good times or whatever." " Isn't that horrible?" " No." "I can't think of anything nice about my sister." "But I like Nate." "I mean, you know I did." " What are you thinking of?" " Just weird things." "Like this time, um, it was right after my dad died." "I had to write this idiotic English paper where you're supposed to interview the person in your family that you knew the least." "My dad was dead." "And it was pretty much a toss-up between those two anyway." "And so I... asked Nate if I could, uh... interview him, and he said no." "It was not like it was some big traumatic thing." "It was just..." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "This is so gross." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "I don't know why I keep thinking about that time!" "Thank you for being so flexible." "Okay." "Bye-bye." " Can you zip me?" " Oh." "Where's Angie?" "She called." "She's gonna be 10 minutes late." " That's 20 minutes." "Fuck!" " Hey, the kids can hear you." "What's gonna happen with the business now that there's no one to stop David from spending 300 grand on a crematorium?" "What's wrong with you?" "This is what you're thinking about?" "Do you know how little savings we have?" "What if something were to happen to me?" "What would you do?" " You and the kids, what would you have?" " Nothing is gonna happen." "How do you know?" "Something could happen to you!" "We still don't have any life insurance." " We'll get it tomorrow." " Where is she?" "Did she need to get her outfit right for baby-sitting?" "You want to go ahead of me?" " Is that okay?" " Yeah." "Okay." "Uh, then I'll see you there." "Okay." "He's not there." "Yes, he is too." "Wow, you guys look great." "How do you like the length?" "It's perfect." "David, I am so sorry about your brother." "Thank you." "Where's Keith?" "We had a situation." "I'm so sorry, but he just threw this guy at me." "I just got to get him on a plane and then I can go." "Well, couldn't you just say no today?" "I know." "I'm sorry." "But I swear I'll be there soon, okay?" "David!" "This is total bullshit, man." "I've got to get out of here." "Hey, I know where I know you from." "You're that guy in the blowjob video." "Sorry, wrong guy." "You are too, man." " The one where Roger's giving you head." " A video?" "Dude, I've seen it like 20 times." "Roger played it every time we had sex." "He can't come without it." "Does he pay you extra for that or is that part of the job?" "Hey, where are you going?" "Hey, hey!" "Where are you going?" "So why don't you like your sister?" "Just the older one..." "Caroline." "She's just kind of mean which is kind of weird, because she does this noble work helping refugees." "So to the world at large she's a saint, but if you're actually a person in her life, she's just a bitch." "Like when my little sister was going through chemo," "Caroline came by to help her like twice... in three years." "That is pretty bad." "Is your other sister okay?" "Yeah." "Betsy." "She was lucky." "That's good." "I have to go back." "Okay." "Okay." "There you are." "How are you?" "Thanks for making it." "Are the boys okay?" "They're upstairs in a state of bliss." "Roger bought them iPods." "But why would God take someone's son at the one moment they were ever in their whole lives not able to be with him?" "What kind of a message is that?" "I don't think it's helpful to see it as a message to you." "Then why would it happen that way?" "Unless there really is no God." "It's natural to be angry." "But maybe it's best to view God as a light through this dark time, as opposed to seeing him as the cause of it." " God is an asshole!" " Yes, God is a huge asshole!" "And I fucking hate him for this." "We're gonna get you through this, honey, all right?" "You're not alone." "You're not alone." "You could've dressed." "I couldn't." "The rest of us managed." "Well, the rest of you win." "I think we're all in shock." "Three years ago... we prayed for Nate's life." "And we thought our prayers were answered." "Now, we have to pray for help making sense of this loss." "Because... um... we've lost a lot..." "A son..." "A father..." "A brother..." "A husband..." "A colleague..." "To me, an inspiration." "He had a natural sense..." "He had a natural sense of what to say to people when they were grieving." "And, uh, I just think he'd know what to say to help us... if only he where here." "Thank you." "I'm David Fisher and Nate was my big brother." "When we were kids, I used to get picked on at school." "I had come home with my face or my pride bruised, and Nate would make me tell him who did it." "And he would go talk to whoever was tormenting me and I'd be fine..." "Um..." "Ahem..." "Until it happened again." "So Nate came up with another strategy." "He said..." ""When they start in on you just laugh, laugh at them." "Even if they hit you, laugh."" "Well, I could never pull that off." "But that was Nate." "He could laugh at anything and people were always drawn to him, because he could make the best of the worst situation." "Even when life hit him, it couldn't ki... ki..." "My name is George Sibley." "I was Nate's stepfather." "This is a hard day." "And we're all very upset." "The loss of a young person is always a terrible blow." "But in this case... it... it's even more cruel, because Nate was an idealist and... he struggled... all through his life... to be a good man." "He wasn't perfect, but then who among us is?" "And he never gave up on himself... the people he loved... or even love itself, in all its vexing, beautiful forms." "Oh, Claire." "There's too much cold cuts out there already." "Here, take this scary fruit cake instead." "How're you feeling?" "Okay." "I should go back downstairs." "It's all right if you need to rest." "You can go down if you want." "I want to stay with you." "I'm sorry for what I said." "I'm sorry." "You lost him too." "You and I are really the most alike, you know?" "And sometimes maybe... it makes it hard." "Hey." " Hey." " Hey." " How's it going?" " Okay." " Many questions." " Uh-oh." "Hey, honey." " Hey." " Did you go?" "No." "Maya, why didn't you tell somebody you needed to go potty?" "Do I have to get you a diaper?" "God, she's been doing this for months." "Sometimes they regress when they're upset." "Oh, fuck!" "We're going to the cemetery in like two minutes." "You know what?" "I'll clean her up." "You just go." "Don't worry." " Thanks." " Yup." "Just trying to keep things tidy." "Thank you." "We're leaving for the cemetery soon." " It's just going to be family." " I understand." "Would you care to join us?" "Yes." "Very much." "I wouldn't want Joy to come if she happens to be here somewhere." "She's not here." "I have no idea where she is... ever... anymore." "Here you go." "Hey, Claire." "You can ride with David and Keith." "George is driving Ruth, Maggie and Sarah." "Hey, Brenda, are you riding with your mom?" "Uh, no, she's not going." "Well, you can ride with me and Nate." "No, I'll drive myself, thanks." "I don't think you should do that." "There's room with David." " I'm fine, really." " Okay." "Well, listen, here are the directions and my cell phone in case you get lost or something." "Thanks." "Don't forget this." "God damnit!" "David, are you okay?" "David?" "I can't go out there right now." " What do you mean?" " You go." "Look, I'll be out in a minute." " I can stay with you." " No, just give me a minute!" "Okay." "There's no coffin?" "He didn't want one." "It's more natural this way." "Where's David?" "I think the three of us can handle this." "Oh, man." "Where do we put him?" "Uh, on the ground, I guess." "Won't he get dirty?" "Dust to dust." "Wasn't there a poem he wanted read?" "Where's David?" "I think he's just a little too upset, Ruth." "We're all upset." "That's right, sweetie." "We're all fucking upset." "Sometimes we can't be everywhere we want to be." "Yes, well, sometimes we can." "Oh, God!" "David?" "We're starting the ceremony now." "I can't." "If you don't get out of this car, you will hate yourself forever." " I know, but I can't." " Yes, you can." "You have legs." "I am not doing this without you." "Mom, please, I'm so dizzy I can't breathe." "Well, we'll wait until you can." "Could someone?" "From the "Mystic Odes" of Rumi." ""Our death is our wedding with eternity." "What is the secret?" "'God is one.'" "The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house." "This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;" "It is not in the juice made from the grapes." "For he who is living in the light of God, the death of the carnal soul is a blessing." "Regarding him, say neither bad nor good for he has gone beyond the good and the bad." "Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible, so that he may place another look in your eyes."'" "Nate?" "Hey." "Kurt Cobain died today." "Oh." "He killed himself." "He was just too pure for this world." "Well, his music will live on." "Yeah." "Yeah, it will." " You wanna try some?" " Yeah." ""It is the eternal light which is the light of God." "The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh." "Oh God, who gives the grace of vision." "The bird of vision is flying toward you with the wings of desire."" "One, two..." "Oh, shit!" "Sorry." "Thanks, Claire." "One, two, three." "Easy." "Easy." "Okay." "Did you like the poem I chose?" "No, I hated it." "Mystical maudlin crap." "You just don't understand it." "I'm about 20 times smarter than you." "I understood it." "It's not about being smart, Brenda." "It's about having spiritual depth." "Maggie understood it." "Maggie's a mealy-mouthed little cunt." "She couldn't even admit she fucked you!" "Maybe she doesn't wanna pollute what she and I shared by handing it over to your filthy imagination..." "What you shared?" "Adultery while your wife's pregnant and raising your child from another woman?" "You will always think of Maya that way, won't you?" "Even when she's calling you Mommy you think," ""I'm stuck raising some dead bitch's kid."" "No, I'm a good mother to her." "You were a great mother when you yelled at her for having an accident." "I didn't mean to yell at her." "You just wanted me to plug you with your own baby, and now you've got that." "So you can drop the wronged-little-wife routine." " Why are you saying this?" " You could've married Joe if you wanted to be with somebody who wanted to be with you." "But deep down, you know that anybody who wants to be with you" " is a fucking idiot." " Shut up!" "Because just like everybody else in your psychotic family you have to destroy everything and everyone you love!" "Please, leave me alone!" "Okay, just leave me alone!" "We brought you some alphabet soup." "It was all we had." "Oh, thank you." "I even loaded some smooth jazz onto my iPod for you to listen to." "Wow, thanks." "I had no idea you guys were such good nurses." "Yeah, well..." "You learn something new every day." "I'm gonna come over there and destroy you!" "Yeah, you do." "I don't care where they found him, Roger!" "Okay, I quit!" "Uh-oh." "No!" "You are one sick dude!" "I don't want to be anywhere near you ever again!" "He's not gonna take the iPods away, is he?" "I'm serious, Roger!" "I've had it with you!" "I hope not." "I need my smooth jazz." "You better eat that while it's hot." "I forget how anyone gets over anything." "You don't really." "Don't say that." "You do." "It's just time." "And remembering love, really." "What the hell does that mean?" "Slowly you fall back in love with whatever really mattered to you." "Yes, and maybe you find a way to make sense of what you've lost." "That doesn't seem possible." "Honey..." "I don't want to freak you out... but last night... uh, Nate appeared to me in a dream." "He did?" " Mmm." " What did he say?" "He didn't really say anything, but he had a very loving presence." "Was he with someone?" "He-He was with me, I guess." "Are you sure he didn't say anything about death?" "Well, he didn't have to say it, sweetie." "I got the message." "Oh." "Hello, dear." "Grandma!" "Oh, thank you." "Come upstairs, dear." "I can't do this right now." "I need you to take her for..." "I don't know how long." " Of course." " Plus, I don't want to make things worse for her if I can." "I can't do..." "Maya, you stay with Grandma, okay?" "You're gonna have so much fun with Grandma." "I love you." " It's just me." " Fuck!" "Oh, Jesus, Billy!" "What are you doing?" "I tried to make it back in time for the funeral." "Why didn't you call?" "I thought it was better to just get here." "Oh, God."