"'Competition." "'It's a part of life." "'A winner and a loser." "'After all, how can you be the best ' if there isn't someone worse than you?" "'At Hotel Babylon, we like to be upfront about it." "'Where else, we ask you, can you get food this good... rooms this beautiful..." "'And smiles this big?" "'But while competition might bring out the best in business, it also brings out the worst in people." "'Because although we may not want to admit it... 'we all like to feel superior now and then." "'We have to pretend not to, of course." "'We're meant to be good losers, gracious in defeat... 'and gallant in victory." "'Apart from children, of course." "' Come on, sweetheart." "Go on, go on!" "'No-one does competitive quite like children." "'Case in point, precocious stage school kids and their pushy parents." "' Smile." "Charlie Edwards, General Manager." "On behalf of Hotel Babylon I'd like to wish you all the luck in the world." "My daughter doesn't need luck." "Luck's for desperate worker ants who have to grub around to climb the career ladder." "Like you." "It's Prada." "So don't shit it up, capice?" "Scarlett Adams and Scarlett Adams." "Sorry, you just said the same name twice..." "We're both called Scarlett Adams." "If that's too complicated for you, maybe the Special Needs programme let you out too soon?" "THEY LAUGH 'Thank God we eventually grow up and learn that coming out on top isn't the be-all and end-all." "We need to take special care of these, Ben." "Make sure Laundry Services read the labels REALLY carefully." "'Although of course, we were ALL children once." "' TELEPHONE RINGS Hotel Babylon." "Hotel Babylon S03 E04" ""Princess Scrunchie knew the only way out was to fight." ""To fight the evil Sir Michael right in his own backyard." ""But she'd need all her powers..." "" I don't get it." "Sir Michael had her trapped, Tony." "What could she do but fight?" "All the hysteria, I mean." "They're just auditions." "Tony, where have you been?" "Princess Scrunchie's huge." "Whichever child gets this part will bring to life a character loved by millions of children." "One minute." "Call me old-fashioned..." "You're old-fashioned." "but whatever happened to getting on with things?" "Why does everything have to be televised to death?" "What's your problem?" "Failed actor?" "My problem is these young girls are under enough pressure as it is." "They don't need a spotlight documenting their failings." "You're being melodramatic." "I blame the crazy parents who let them do it in the first place." "Hey Dad." "Liz!" "This is my daughter, Liz." "What're you doing here, love?" "Shouldn't you be at school?" "I've come for the auditions." "Sorry, guys." "I blame the parents." "Good luck, sweetie." "Tell me this is a joke." "I could, but it's not." "I see." "I have to go to my meeting." "You go and wait in the staff room." "Ben at reception will tell you where to go." "Yes, Sir." "WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE What?" "We just wanted you to get used to the red carpet treatment." "Ha, ha.Very funny" "I didn't know your daughter could sing." "I'm guessing that she got her talent from her mother." "Quick question." "Do you really think I look like I'm in the mood for this?" "OK, first item on the agenda." "Mr Delaney's in town." "Oh, God." "Don't let him near me or I can't vouch for the safety of his testicles." "Seconded." "I agree." "This time, I'm gonna make sure that his lamb is so undercooked it'll practically be bleating on his plate." "Guys, Mr Delaney is a valued guest." "You mean rich." "?" "I know that he can be a pain in the arse." "The man is pathologically incapable of being pleased." "Now is it just me, or is there somebody sitting behind me?" "Sorry, this is Jack Harrison." "He's one of our three candidates for the new management role." "See, Scrunchie isn't the only thing auditioning this week." "Jack's gonna be shadowing me for the next two or three days." "He's going up for the management job?" "But he's 12!" "And a half." "Jack's got enough business degrees to start his own university." "He's actually 12?" "He's also been published in most of the major trade journals, and he's fluent in four languages." "Well, I don't know about fluent." "?" "My Aramaic is a little rusty!" "Fortunately for him, we're not hiring people for their sense of humour." "OK, let's crack on." "Next on the agenda." "Wait, where's Anna?" "Your guess is as good as mine." "?" "Can you move!" "You disgusting old man." "Move!" "Can you hear me?" "Yeah." "OK.Follow my finger." "Haven't you got lovely hands?" "Just keep following my finger." "Such big eyes." "Yes, well, all the better to hypnotise you with." "OK, now try and stand up." "Slowly, that's it." "Easy does it." "OK, have a seat here." "OK, great." "There.Are you all right?" "Yeah." "The paramedics are on their way, so when they get here let them check you over, just to make sure everything's fine." "I'm very late." "Erm, glad you're alive." "Yeah." "Sorry!" "The Scrunchie books are as big as Harry Potter." "70,000 girls nationwide auditioned for this part." "For some poxy musical?" "You know this is going to be the biggest budget stage show ever." "They love Scrunchie in Tokyo." "When I was living out there, there were queues for three days for the second book." "Three days?" "Yeah." "But it's a weird country, you know." "You can actually buy schoolgirls' knickers out of vending machines, although I don't know how you prove they're from actual schoolgirls." "There's gonna be two rounds of auditions." "At the end of each round, Emily's organised for a press conference in the Artemis Room." "Sorry, I didn't mean to freak anyone out with the whole schoolgirl knickers thing." "And by the way, I never bought any." "I just thought..." "Gino, your bar will be full of hacks and amped-up showbiz parents." "So I expect your takings to go through the roof." "OK guys, that's it.Thank you." "So that's Mr Delaney?" "He's a very important guest." "If for any reason you feel out of your depth, you come and see me.OK?" "Good luck." "Hey, put that down." "What else have you been touching?" "Nothing." "I can't believe you." "Sneaking out to these auditions and missing school." "The very expensive school, I might add, that I work very hard to send you to." "Aren't you even, like, a bit proud of me?" "There were loads and loads of other girls and now I'm in the last ten!" "Oh, you've got to let me do it, Dad." "I'm going to win this." "I have to." "So who's going to look after you?" "You." " I have got to work." " Right." "For a change." "Speaking of which, I need to get back to my desk.So... come on." "AUDITIONEES REHEARSE I still can't believe you lied to us." "Next thing you know you'll be getting a tattoo." "Oh, you are joking." "It's tasteful!" "Liz!" "You all right, babe?" "Maxwell!" "'Ere, did you get that tattoo done?" "Ooh, I love it... that is so Gwen Stefani." " You reckon?" " Yeah!" "Er, excuse me, who are you," " and why are you encouraging my daughter to get tattoos?" " Dad!" "Maxwell's the director of the musical." "Tony Casemore." "Pleased to meet you." "You've got an amazing daughter." "Yes, yes, I know." "With an amazing voice." "I know." "Come off it, Dad, you're tone deaf." "I'll see you later." "Whoa, whoa." "Slow down, slow down." "I'm sorry, it's just been the weirdest morning." "Anna, this is my daughter Liz." "Hello, Tony's daughter Liz." "Ah, she's sweet." "Excuse me." "C'mon, Dad, auditions start in 20 minutes." "Do you want someone to give you a hand with those bags?" "I'm sorry that I missed the meeting but I fainted, and then a stranger had to revive me, and then the paramedics came..." "But you still managed to get your shopping done.Which is the main thing." "?" "I just had a near-death experience." "Well, not near death.But it was an experience, OK?" "Listen, the next two days here are going to get very heavy duty." "I need everybody married to their job." "I'm sorry." "I thought that marriage put the fear of God into you." "The last thing I need is staff members not turning up when they're supposed to." "I said I'm sorry." "Do either of you think this is really about the fact that you recently split up cos Charlie has commitment issues?" "Sorry, Benjamin, I can't remember seeing "therapist" on your CV." "OK, just me then." "Welcome to your room, Mr Delaney." "I hope it's all to your liking." "The bed is against the wrong window." "Those sheets are not the correct fabric." "These curtains do not require double-lining." "It's somewhat oppressive." "Right, of course..." "But I do require some fresh coffee." "Ethiopian blend, none of that Italian dog-shit you serve downstairs." "Anything else?" "Have you ever designed a circuit board?" "Can't say that I have." "You have to be completely precise.Down to the last millimetre." "If one tiny wire is out of place, then it's not going to work." "I am accustomed to having everything just so." "I promise you, Mr Delaney," "I will make sure that on this visit, you have nothing to complain about." "One Cajun Jungle, one Vodka Depression, one glass of champagne, one beer, one Beautiful Lady..." "That's not a drink, that's just you." "five Margaritas, and one Sexy Lady." "That IS a drink." "Another beer and five gin and tonics.Yes?" "ALL CHATTER AT ONCE Look, I tell you what I'm going to do." "I'm going to make everybody a Gino Surprise, eh?" "I know how to make a Gino Surprise." "Show up unannounced!" "Ginelli, mi con hombre!" "What are you doing here?" "I thought you were in Peru." "I thought I'd spend some time with my brother." " Really?" " Si!" "That all?" "OK, I also need some money." "You help me get back on my feet." "Just a few days in the bar." "You think you could work in the bar?" "Why not?" "I work in a bar in Peru." "By night I made cocktails, by day I milk the goats." "Look, Ginelli, working in a bar is not just a job." "It's a craft." "You're rushed off your feet." "Let me help you." "I clean your glasses, wash your surface..." "Yeah." "OK." "Yes." "Gino, oh, Gino..." "Ginelli!" "Also, she was Ian McKellen's daughter in Babycakes, weren't you, dear?" "Then she did that courgette advert, you know," "# Eat your greens, eat your greens, courgette is what it means!" "#" "Yeah!" "And then she was down to the last two for a Scorsese movie, but she was menstruating and cocked it right up.Didn't you, dear?" "Yeah." "Have a signed copy." "You probably can't tell it's me because I have such a versatile look." "People sometimes think we're sisters." "Oh.Sorry, are you famous?" "Maybe not yet, but my baby's going all the way." "I auditioned for a Bruce Willis film." "Down to the last two." "He has more hair than you'd think." "Uh, we're just going...somewhere else, aren't we?" "Come on, darling." "# My name is Princess Scrunchie #" "#I'm so cute you'll want to munch me #" "#It's my job to be a barrel of fun!" "#" "# So you might as well all go home!" "Down you get.Good girl." "Save your energy." "What a crazy bunch." "You just don't understand theatre people." "Tony, your expertise is required." "Yeah, I've got to see her audition, mate." "Now." "Just make sure you're here to watch me." "Well, yeah, I'll be back." "Let's go." "You promise?" "I promise you.I'll be there." "It's show-time, ladies!" "Gather round, gather round, that's it." "Gather round for the Maxwell Anderson warm-up spectacular." "Chop chop ladies, deep breath." "And... tin soldier!" "A-A-A-nd floppy doll!" "The people in leather are chained to the man in PVC , who for some reason which still evades me, has swallowed the key." "OK, can you get someone else to deal with this?" "The man in PVC is Lord Justice Clacy." "You understand the need of urgency and discretion?" "I was due back in High Court an hour and a half ago." "WOMAN SQUEALS I know the nipple rings are tight, Marjorie." "OK, come on, let's get on with it." "I've got a meeting." "I'll leave this one with you." "Don't worry," "Your Honour,we'll have you at that sentencing as soon as we can." "Right." "I'm assuming that if I pull that, it won't hurt." "WOMAN SQUEALS So if I pull that..." "THEY ALL SQUEAL I haven't got time for this." "I've got to get to Liz's audition." "Charlie says it's important for the reputation of the Judge and the hotel." "OK." "Right." "I need some talcum powder, a spatula and half a tub of margarine." "Liz Casemore." "Liz, you're on, sweetheart." "Liz?" "APPLAUSE PIANO PLAYS # Well, I may look cute..." "# But I'm a powerful girl #" "# Don't need a parachute cos I can fly around the world #" "# The outcome is tragic if you take me #" "# To back... # # but could have been magic, it is, so take that #" "# I'm Scrunchie, one thing on my mind #" "# Not saving the world #" "BOTH: # One person out...# # out of Ti-i-i-ime #" "# One person out of time!" "#" "APPLAUSE One shot of vermouth..." "So what happened in Peru?" "It was time to move on, brother Gino." "Peru had given me all she had to give me." "Temples, beautiful scenery, herpes..." "One shot of vodka..." "Gino, I need a..." "Oh my God, there's two of them." "Too right, sissy boy." "Double Primarola in your face." "Get used to it." " How charming" " You're Mr Restaurant Man, is it?" "Food and Beverage Manager is my preferred title..." "I see your menu." "Carpaccio of mahi-mahi... it's flown from Hawaii?" "Of course." "It's a beautiful choice." "Well, how nice to meet a man of taste." "Call me James." "Ginelli." "What did you want?" "Ah, just one vintage cognac." "Yeah, well, I'm busy, so..." "I get it for you, James." "Thank you, Ginelli." "Are you sure you're related?" "So, three shots of gin..." "What do you call this?" "Reduced Liver Function?" "This is the Ginelli Fizz." "I created it in Thailand for a beautiful girl who was... actually a man." "The Ginelli Fizz?" "I think not." "Don't try and dance before you can sing, my friend." "I'm your boss." "Come on." "Clean glasses, little brother." "'Just make sure you're here to watch me." "'Yeah, I'll, er..." "I'll be back." "'You promise?" "'Promise..." "'I promise..." "'You promise?" "'I promise..." "Who's Nathan?" "The man I met last night." "Have you not been listening?" "Sorry, I can't stop thinking about..." "A gorgeous stranger appears out of nowhere, magically revives you and suddenly disappears." "Oh my God, you don't believe me." "No.I don't believe in Father Christmas either." "Maybe I'm just a cynic." "MOBILE PHONE RINGS Nathan, hi!" "How are you?" "Well, good luck with the case, M'Lord." "You know, when you spend all day dishing out punishment... sometimes you like to take a little." "You know?" "Absolutely, sir." "SHE CHOKES Are you all right?" "Oh my God, she's choking." "Heimlich!" "Charlie, she needs a Heimlich, quick..." "Excuse me..." "Are you OK?" "I'm in a bit of a rush, sorry..." "You owe me, twice." "Are you OK?" "Yes." "No, thanks to you." "Yeah..." "Ow!" "What was that for?" "# My name is Princess Scrunchie, so cute you wanna munch me..." "# Munch me, munch me, ba-ba-baba ..." "Maxwell." "Geezer." "Have you seen Liz?" "Probably in Scarlett's room, Tony." "I saw the two of them leaving together." "Thank you very much." "Who is it?" "Room service." "Can I help?" "Is Liz there?" "Er..." "What's going on in there?" "Has someone been smoking dope?" "We haven't been smoking anything." "It was only one!" " You're 13 years old!" " 14" "It's illegal." "You're in a hotel..." "MY hotel, I might add..." "Do you want me to go on?" "I was just really nervous about the results..." "I don't care!" "It was only to mellow us out." "You stay out of this, Cheech." "Chill, Dad, it's just a spliff." "What is wrong with you?" "I so don't need this right now." "See you tonight!" "I'm about this far from sending you home right now." "You'd have to drag me out kicking and screaming." "You're not sorry!" "I'm not the one who should be apologising." "Excuse me?" "You missed my audition!" "I couldn't make it." "You know the worst part..." "When you didn't show up, I wasn't even surprised." "Come on, Liz, what do you mean?" "When was the last time you made it to one of my birthdays?" "I work hard to look after us all." " You know how much I love you..." " Six." "The last birthday you came to was my sixth." "So you don't have the right to start lecturing me." "Do you want to end up like one of these crazy showbiz kids?" "You really don't understand, do you?" "Jesus, Maxwell was right..." "Maxwell, bloody Maxwell." "You honestly think that that director knows you better than your own dad?" "Yeah." "Why not?" "In the last six months, I've seen more of him than I have of you!" "They shout "Ole!" "" We all fall to the ground!" "And the donkey was never found again!" "I remember when I was on holiday in Croatia, there was a big lizard on the wall..." "And it ate all the cheese, we've heard it, Gino." "Your brother is so funny and you're very gorgeous." "Anyway, come on, get you back to work." "It's his first day on the job you know, got a lot to learn..." "Ah, come on Ginelli, one more story." "Oh, yeah!" "I tell you about the time Gino set himself on fire, ended up entirely hairless..." "Imagine if you will an oversized eel..." "THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY Hurry up, they're starting." "ALL: # I'm Scrunchie #" "# One thing on my mind #" "# And that's saving the world #" "# One person at a ti-i-i-i-i-ime!" "#" "# One person at a time!" "#" "APPLAUSE And now the man with the news we've all been waiting for, Maxwell Anderson, director." "HE WHOOPS, APPLAUSE Ten phenomenally talented little girls behind me, right." "And in a few moments time, just five will still be in the running to become Princess Scrunchie." "Give 'em a clap, go on, give 'em another clap." "Now all the girls have been magnificent." "They've all brought their own unique interpretation to this much-beloved character." "Who's looking after the bar?" "Ginelli." "Does he know what he's doing?" "Not really, no." "But I teach him a lesson in humility." "When it comes to cocktails, he's like the crab with a remote control, eh?" "You like that?" "You see, the crab cannot use the remote control." "Why would a crab WANT a remote control?" "Sssh!" "The list of the five finalists going through now." "Scarlett Adams!" "She will not be Scrunchie." "She doesn't have the bone structure." "Helen Jenkins!" "Yes, come on!" "She will not be Scrunchie." "She doesn't have the tassley hair." "Janna Lawley." " She will not be Scrunchie..." " Shut up, Gino!" "OK." "Liz Casemore." "Tony, that's your daughter!" "That's great....great." "I'd be over the moon if that were my daughter." "Tony..." "She has the Scrunchie in her, yeah?" "BEN:" "This is really exciting, Tony." "Shouldn't you be working?" "Shouldn't we all?" "That guy earlier..." "Yeah, what about him?" "You seemed to know him quite well." "Why, do you care?" "I just wondered." "Right." "Right, so that's all your underwear colour coded and your buffalo milk is in the minibar." " Is that all for tonight, Mr Delaney?" " No." "I can't just go to sleep." "I need somebody to read to me." "You, er, want me to read to you from..." "Oh, it's your own book..." "Softly, but firmly." "Do not attempt any accents... apart from the Korean banker in chapter two." "That bit's funny." "Begin." ""I always knew I was going to be somebody..." "CROWD CHEERS WITH DELIGHT Tony, what are you drinking?" "Gino, I've had a long day and I fancy a drink." "I not asking why." "I'm asking WHAT you drinking." "It's a Ginelli Fizz." "Bloody delicious actually." "Ginelli, what are you doing?" "I said, no cocktails.Just cleaning." "While I was away, I learned a few things." "Now you watch and learn." "You're a very naughty boy." "You didn't tell me he was such a genius behind the bar!" "He's got the place humming." "Well, I didn't know." "And maybe I lift the profits of this place up the roof." "Soon Gino will be cleaning my glasses, no?" "Tony, you all right?" "No, I'm not actually, thanks to you." "'Scuse me?" "Untangling those dickheads made me miss my daughter's audition." "She's bloody furious with me." "Well, I'm sure she'll forgive you, mate." "You're not my mate.You're my boss." "And I'd appreciate it if you left me alone." "It's day two of the Princess Scrunchie auditions and today we finally go behind the scenes and watch as five young hopefuls sing and dance their way to winning one of the most coveted roles since Harry Potter." "Though Scarlett Adams remains the bookies' favourite, she faces stiff competition from some of the other equally talentless," " precocious little wannabes." " Cut!" "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's just that, some of us went to RADA and spent years dreaming of an opportunity like this and these little bastards get fame handed to them on a plate!" "Morning.Have you seen Liz?" "She stayed with you last night, didn't she?" "You've totally ruined my breathing exercises." "In out, in out..." "How difficult can it be?" "I'm going to win this competition, Mr Casemore." "I'm going to be famous." "I don't care what it takes." "Morning, love." "How are you feeling?" "Fine." "Must be weird for you." "You and Scarlett being mates going up against each other." "She's not my mate." "I thought you did everything together." "Breathing exercises, smoking it up..." "Just leave me alone." "Look, today's different." "I'll be there for the whole audition, start to finish." "but I'm a powerful girl # Don't need a parachute 'cos I can fly around the world..." "# And then we party?" "Bring your dancing shoes, my Croatian sensation." "Er, Ginelli!" "Just give me ten minutes, brother." "Ah, I love him!" "Are you OK?" "Ginelli." "Always ruin everything." "But he's so nice." "Nice!" "Everybody say Ginelli nice." "All our lives, he does whatever he wants while I have to work, eh?" "I build something for myself." "And then he come along, with his, you know, ha-ha stories and Ginelli Fizz, and everything I ever built, gone." "You know how it is to be made to feel this small, by your younger brother?" "Well, either he goes or I go." "You're joking, right?" "I'm serious." "Like a heart attack, baby." "And this afternoon I will need a Japanese banquet in my room." "I'm sorry?" "I'm entertaining some Japanese clients." "I'll need a proper Japanese tea ceremony, several fully-trained geisha, some sushi ocean-fresh and some musicians of that genre..." "Problem?" "No, sir." "Good boy." "Hi." "Er, any idea where I can get two fully-trained geisha and a Japanese band?" "Um..." "Er..." "No." "A-ha!" "So you think that's him?" "Mm-hm." "He has to be a guest, the way he just appeared in the lobby." "Your mystery man just happens to be staying at Hotel Babylon?" "Yes, which is how he ended up saving my life twice." "How can you be so sure he's a doctor?" "'He saved my life twice." "'Have you not been listening?" "' Perfect!" "Dr Tockley is the only doctor in this hotel." "And... he's staying on his own, if you happen to notice." "So I'm just going to go up there and say thank you and then, er, ask him out." "So, stop being so negative and have a little faith!" "Yes?" "Hi..." "Sorry, is Dr Tockley in there, please?" "That's me." "Ri-ight... it's just I thought you were going to be a man..." "I used to be." "Have you got a problem with that?" "No." "No, no, not at all." "Yay for freedom of gender choice!" "Whoo-hoo." "Yeah." "Oh, arse." "Tragic." "Listen, about last night..." "It's fine." "No, no, no, I wanted to say sorry." "I don't have kids and I just didn't think..." "Don't worry about it." "I could've left at any time." "But I didn't." "Job comes first." "Like always." "She'll come around, mate." "No, that's just it, Charlie, I dunno if she will." "She thinks I'm the world's worst dad at the moment... and I had no idea." "Ye-es!" "I just come to say goodbye... and give my letter of resignation to Charlie." "You're not really going to quit?" "Are you serious?" "If I stay here, you know, just be reminded that I'm a failure, am I?" "Ginelli wins again." "Gino, we'll help you get rid of Ginelli." "Will we?" "How?" "All we need to do is get him to want to leave." "Give him the shift from hell." "You would do that for me?" "Anything to stop you whining." "Looks like it's just me and you." "Yeah." "Haven't you got somewhere you should be?" "You know, General Manager's stuff and that?" "General manage this, sweet pea!" "Oh, unlucky." "Every time." "Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to our first Princess Scrunchie hopeful... it's Scarlett Adams." "APPLAUSE Your Liz's father, right?" "Er, yeah, that's right... we met earlier." "She's going down." "# Sometimes I wish I was like everyone else # So people would love me for myself # If I didn't have this extraordinary power # Would life be sweet or just tensile # I want to be a normal girl # I wanna live in the real world # Don't want responsibility # I want shopping malls and boys and make-up # I want to be free-ee-ee-ee-ee!" "# APPLAUSE # Sometimes I wish I was like everyone else # So people..." "# Helen, do you want to try that again, sweetheart?" "Helen!" "SHE SNORES SHE SOBS We know you're nervous, sweetheart." "Oh, Jesus." "Maxwell, bring the next girl out." "Liz Casemore, please." "Is Liz back there?" "Liz?" "Erm... if everybody would just keep calm..." "The girls are feeling very tired." "Liz, love." "Hey love, come on, they're calling your name." "I don't feel well." "You'll be all right." "Here you are." "Have some of your orange juice." "Hey, hey!" "Oh!" "Sit over there..." "Kan-eech-ee-wah." "Doz-o..." "Origami. delaney says you are a little early foe the meeting please make yourselves comfoetable" "as kewoshi-san writes make od each moment a grain od rive" "HE SPEAKS IN JAPANESE That's what I said." "Oh!" "Hello!" "Oh, hello!" "I just wanted to say thank you." "Twice." "Oh, it was my pleasure." "Both times." "I'm Ned." "Ned Wright." "Anna Thornton-Wilton." "Hi." "Have a seat, please." "Erm, so are you staying in the hotel?" "Yeah, I just moved into the area and haven't got a place to stay yet." "And, I'm guessing you're a doctor." "What gave it away?" "The last time I was with a doctor he tried to put something up my bottom." "Oh, no..." "It was a thermometer." "He was taking my temperature." "I had pneumonia." "It wasn't..." "I wouldn't let the doctor do that to me..." "Although I would let a doctor do that but not..." "I should probably just go now..." "No, no, no, no please..." "Stay." "OK." "Actually, I'm a surgeon." "Oh, so you're Mr Wright not Dr Wright." "I see." "Oh, Mr Right!" "Is that supposed to be funny or am I missing something?" "Yeah, no... because every girl's looking for her Mr Right and here you are!" "What kind of surgeoning do you do?" "Er..." "Cardiothoracic." "Right." "That's a very big word that means very little to me." "Well, it's heart, chest..." "Lots of, you know, opening people up." "Oh, right." "OK." "Oh, my God!" "Breathe Gino, breathe." "Come on, man." "James, how's it coming?" "This is art, Jackie." "You can't rush art." "Ben?" "You all set?" "No problem." "I do hope this works." "I think I'd like emotional Gino even less." "Of course it'll work." "And just to make sure, I'm going to weaken Ginelli's resolve." "How?" "Wanna join me for a drink?" "I'm on duty, Jacqueline." "I have to keep a clean head..." "Ginelli, there's no harm in drinking on the job." "We've all done it before." "Besides, work is so boring and... you're so handsome." "Pretty please with... me on top." "Brother..." "Clean my glasses for me." "I'm going to be busy." "this way" "No way is French Kiss your favourite film." "Why?" "Well, you know, because you're a doctor." "Well, a medical licence doesn't mean I can't enjoy a good rom-com every now and then." "Especially with Kevin Kline's ridiculous accent." "His accent is not ridiculous, he spent months researching that!" "What, in Spain?" "Oh..." "I should probably get back to work." "Well, it was nice to meet you." "Yes, and you too." "Well, maybe you'll save me again later?" "Well, actually I have to check out in an hour." "I'm flying to Zurich tonight, on a conference." "Oh, right." "Well then, I'll just drop down dead." "This is probably going to sound silly, but..." "Oh, sorry..." "PAGER BEEPS Oh, it's the hospital." "I'd better go." "What were you going to say?" "Oh, nothing, nothing." "You know, nice to meet you." "Yes, you too." "See you, bye." "Bye." "How long was I asleep?" "About an hour." "How are you feeling?" "All right." "They're about to make the announcement." "I didn't even sing." "If you're up to it, I think you should come and watch anyway." "Why?" "Dad, what is it?" "What happened this afternoon can be put down entirely to nerves, the pressures such a massive competition can have on such young, talented souls..." "They've done so well." "They've done so well." "Do you think they're buying this?" "They don't send Woodward and Bernstein to cover musical auditions." "But one girl did not buckle under that pressure." "One girl shone like the shining star she will undoubtedly become." "That girl who's like a Princess Scrunchie..." "That girl, ladies and gentlemen... is Scarlett Adams!" "Well done, Scarlett." "So, Scarlett, tell me what it's like to be a princess?" "Yeah." "How does it feel, Scarlett, to be a cheat?" "Come on, tell us how you cheated to get the part." "Tony!" "What happened today was down to a bottle of Russia's finest." "As found in the room of Scarlett Adams... the only girl who could manage a decent performance today.-Dad, shut up..." "What are you implying?" "No, I'm not implying." "I'm saying, categorically..." "Dad, this is embarrassing..." "It's all right, sweetheart." "That Scarlett Adams got the other girls drunk so that she could get the part." "You say that again and I will seriously mess you up!" "I know Tai Chi." "OK, OK, that's it, the show's over..." "Have you got any evidence to support these accusations, mate?" "What, apart from the bottle of vodka in her room and the orange juice outside?" "Neither of which proves that she deliberately got them drunk." "Yes!" "It's the only explanation." "She was the only one who could do the audition." "It's true." "I saw her put something in the orange juice." "No way!" "I saw her too." "Oh, and I saw Goody Proctor with the Devil..." "This is clearly ridiculous..." "What's happening?" "Will everyone just chill out, yeah?" "Stick the children!" "You, you, you - my office, now." "Everybody relax for two minutes." "Go to the bar... the drinks are on the house." "You might want to wait outside sweetheart, for your dad..." "No." "This concerns her so she'll stay." "OK then." "You were way out of line and I'm issuing you with a formal warning." "Formal warning for ruining my bloody auditions..." "Sack him." "It'll go on his file and it'll go against his promotion and pay review." "Promise?" "Good." "That's not fair!" "He was only trying to stick up for me..." "Don't worry about it, Liz." "It's fine." "We're going to have to throw another round of auditions." "No need." "I've chosen my Scrunchie." "Even if Scarlett's innocent, the auditions weren't fair." "Unless you want the press to think the entire process was a complete farce." "OK." "Right, we'll go again in an hour, or when the girls can manage it." "Does that work?" "Fine." "So I'm guessing that you don't need my help." "No, thank you." "You've done plenty for today." "You know, I would say that I'm sorry... but I'm not." "Ginelli, time to get changed." "What are you talking about?" "Today we launched a new drink." "We have to wear the special uniform." "What new drink?" "Il Duce Vodka." "You must dress like Il Duce himself for the promotion." "Il Duce Benito Mussolini?" "I will work the bar, you take the party." "What party?" "One of the function rooms." "Hey, you will be like a tequila girl, eh?" "Only a man, with vodka, dressed like Mussolini." "Does Il Duce Vodka sound like a real drink to you?" "Ooh, yeah." "I've heard all about it and I do love a man in uniform." "Work it, baby!" "I meet a heart surgeon who could have mended my broken heart." "Although there isn't anything wrong with my heart, I'm perfect." "Although Charlie obviously didn't think so and he'd say..." "What is it that you wanted?" "I need the key to Mr Delaney's room?" "And he had such lovely eyes." "These really lovely big blue eyes." "I need shiatsu, I'm like so stressed out right now." "Right, well, the spa is downstairs." "Are you going to show me?" "Erm, I'm kind of busy right now..." "Staring uselessly into space?" "It's called thinking." "It's something that grown-ups do." "You're going to show me the spa, you lazy stuck up cow!" "Well, seeing as you asked so charmingly..." "No!" "I'll scream." "You wouldn't dare." "You dare me?" "Yeah, double dare." "OK, stop it." "Stop it!" "What's this?" "Your daughter's got such a beautiful face." "I know." "Darling, don't talk to the staff." "Amen." "Amen." "Il Duce!" "Good news - they're doing it all again." "The final audition." "Without Scarlett, of course." "What's the matter?" "I thought you'd be pleased." "Without her in the running, you've got a real shot." "Will you be all right with this disciplinary thing?" "Don't you worry about that, sweetheart." "All that matters is that I make things up to you." "From now on I'm gonna try harder, listen harder..." "It was me, Dad." "I was the one who spiked the drink." "How?" "Well, split my infinitive." "It was the plan." "Hey, don't blame the plan." "The plan was not good enough!" "Hello, my friends." "That was a close shave." "Lots of Jews, me dressed as Mussolini..." "Fortunately I gave them the Ginelli charm." "Well, I have to say, I'm seriously impressed, Ginelli." "I didn't even think we were going to be able to get you to put on the costume..." "And there I was thinking you were my friends." "We are." "When I stayed the night in Scarlett's room, they gave me a key, just in case." "This morning, when I forgot my make-up I went back to Scarlett's room to pick it up." "Look, Liz Casemore's a good contestant, but there's no way she's gonna get this part, sweetheart." " I promise ya." " The press seem to like her." "Her and her Eliza bloody Dolittle act." "Yeah, well the press like a good story, don't they?" "But let me tell you I ain't gonna change my mind." "She needs this, Maxi, understand?" "It wasn't fair, Dad." "I've worked for this part." "I should at least get the chance." "So what, you thought you would take out the competition?" "I was just so angry." "Why didn't you just tell somebody?" "I want this part, Dad." "I wanted it more than anything." "And I just thought, it's so unfair, Scarlett... cheating and getting away with it." "But when the auditions started, I just felt so guilty." "I need to tell them, Dad." "I need to tell them the truth." "Come here." "We'll tell them, we'll tell them." "When you asked if I could do this, I really didn't think it was possible." "But, well, I've called in every favour with everyone I know, and I think..." "I think you'll find everything to your satisfaction." "Are you ready?" "Let's get it on." "What do you think?" "It's fine." "It's fine." "I mean, one or two significant details are poor, but I guess that's gonna have to do." "OK, I am going to need..." "S-S-Sorry..." "Fine?" "Yeah." "I'm gonna need a fax machine and some mineral water, room temperature... there is a Finnish brand known as Flocken..." "No." "Excuse me?" "I said no." "No, no, no..." "I've had enough." "It is my understanding that you do not yet have a job at Hotel Babylon..." "Yeah, I don't care." "You see for the last two days I have..." "I have followed you around like a Labrador." "I've given you everything you've asked for, I've had almost no sleep, and it's still not good enough." "You see they were right, you can't be pleased." "I like things done a certain way..." "Wow, you're a multi-millionaire." "Well bloody done." "It doesn't give you the right to act like a... like a complete dickhead!" "Watch your step, kiddo." "Your... your life is sad... yeah, and I don't want to be part of it any more." "So for the next hour, or however long it takes to get someone else to follow you around, you're going to have to live in the real world." "Try it." "You might like it." "Don't worry, I pack my things, I go." "Ginelli, you don't have any things." "Then I will be quick, isn't it?" "Look." "It's OK." "You want me gone" " I go." "Listen..." "I'm sorry." "I love to see you, but having you work here... it was too much." "Truth is, I'm jealous of you." "You're jealous of me?" "I am jealous of you, Gino." "What?" "But you travel the world, you do whatever you want when you want, and go on exciting adventures..." "And I'm lonely." "Here you have wonderful colleagues and friends, people who love you." "Who love you enough to make me dress like Mussolini..." "You don't have to go, Ginelli." "I don't want you to go." "No, no, no." "This is your place, Gino." "There's not room for two Primarolas here." "Listen, before you go, I want you to show me something, yeah?" "Say it." "I'm going to make your daughter a star." "Good boy!" "Now are you sure that you want to do this?" "This could be your big chance." "Dad, you may not have been round much." "But you were around long enough to tell me what's right and wrong." "I'm not afraid to admit it." "What's happened, eh?" "I'm sure last week you were still in nappies." "Now you're this big grown-up, independent, woman." "Smoking dope." "Don't do that again!" "Getting tattoos." "Actually..." "Transfer." "I was too scared to get a real tattoo done." "Good." "Apparently they're well painful." "No, they tickle." "Tony..." "About earlier..." "Yes, I know." "I was way out of line." "Yes, you were way out of line and so I'm going to suspend you as from now." "You what?" "I think you should take your daughter out tonight." "But like I said, I know nothing about kids." "'Competition." "It's a part of life." "'Sometimes we're so desperate to win, we don't play by the rules." "'Sometimes we don't even know what we're competing for, until it's right there in front of us." "' Anna, I forgot something." "'Which makes it all the more surprising when we win." "'And all the more painful when we lose." "' Ladies, your Ginelli Fizz, created all the way over in Thailand by the legendary Ginelli Primarola." "'Rivalry, competition, these things can make us better people..." "'" " This jacket is ruined!" " 'In some cases." "' Ladies and gentlemen..." "Princess Scrunchie." "I always knew I was innocent, so I'm delighted to have won the part fair and square." "Hear, hear." " No more questions." " 'We all want something." "' 'Sometimes we want it so badly that we let our feelings get the better of us." "And lose it as a result." "'Sometimes we can't say how we feel even if it kills us inside." "'Sometimes there are no right answers." "' Where are you going?" "Well, I, er..." "I messed up with Mr Delaney..." "You're joking, aren't you?" "I don't know what you said to him, but I've never seen the guy as happy in years." "He thinks I'd be mad not to hire you." "What, do you mean..." "You got the job." "Congratulations." "Thanks." "'You have to know what you want in life." "'But make sure the things you think you want are really worth the trouble." "' Smile!" "'Sometimes, only by losing can we see what really matters." "' Not bad." "So..." "Seven birthdays in one night." "Where do you wanna go?" "Let's just drive." "Let's just drive." "You heard the lady, Colin." "Let's drive." "'And it's only then, that we see we were winners all along." "' Charlie, are they going to get their money?" "I need a favour." "Fifty grand, you said?" "Yeah." "Make sure the auction happens." "You'll be back for more." "I've had a tip-off from Scotland Yard." "They know about this gang planning a robbery in London." "We haven't had a robbery in my time here." "It is time to do something for yourself." "Charlie owes you money." "It's got nothing to do with me or my girls." "You've put me in an awkward situation."