"The story that follows is inspired by true events" "#INTIMATE RELATIONS#" "Come here." "That's a boy." "In you go, in you go!" "Joyce, breakfast's ready!" "Blimey, Marjorie, this is piping!" "Mrs. Clitherow's advertising for a lodger next door." "It's in the Classified under Vacancies." "It's different for Mrs. Clitherow." "She's a war widow." "We don't need a lodger." "Did I say a word about getting a lodger?" " You were about to." "All my life I've provided." "I've given two of your daughters fully catered weddings." "I helped Vernon when he needed it and still managed to build up a tidy nest egg." "I'm not going to have the neighbors saying I can't cut the mustard at this stage of the game" " Putting your foot down, Stanley" "Very funny." "No, I've made up my mind, I m taking a lodger." "He's having the room with the double bed." " Joyce can have that" "Joyce is staying with me." "Joyce!" "Get down here!" "And sharpish!" "I'll be down in a minute!" "Morning." " Morning, slow poke." "Did you know that Sir Walter Raleigh's wife." "loved him so much that for 30 years after his death... she carried his head around in her handbag" "Eat your breakfast and don't be common." "Mr. Guppy?" "Maurice?" "I am that man." "Have been all my life." "Sorry." "Do I know you?" "I'm Harold.Your brother." "How do you do?" " Hello..." "Lemon puff?" " Thanks." "I expect you're wondering where I sprung from." "You're welcome here, Harold." "You're family." "Even if Morris hasn't seen you since you were a child." "I was in Australia for a bit." "I've been travelling ever since I left the home," "I just left the Merchant Navy and decided to look you up." "Missed it." "You know, family." "Well, you would.." "I expect." "I'll top the pot up." "She'll warm to you, Harold." "I'm sorry if this sounds hard we don't know you, you're a total stranger." "I only want to get to know him." "Look, he must feel the same." "Spit it out Harold, are you looking for somewhere to stay?" "That's not why I'm here." "He's my brother, he's family." "Maurice has family." "I'm his family." "I just don't want any trouble." "Very good, Joyce." "Remember, you are Naiads and Dryads, spirits of wood and water." "So smile." "Smile!" "Water nymphs are always happy." "That's not a smile Pauline, that's a grimace." "They may be free spirits, but they usually keep in step." "And they always keep their bottoms in." "From the top, Mr. Jarvis." "You have a room to let?" "I hope you like dogs, Mr..." " Guppy." "Harold Guppy." "I love animals." "That's an excellent quality in a man." "Show warm nature." "You never see Mr. Khrushchev playing with a pet" "His name's Princess." "After Princess Margaret Rose." "But it's a boy." " But he doesn't know that." "Upstairs?" "Stay, Princess." "That's my husband's room." "He's at work." "He's a machine operator." "Always managed to hold a job." "Even with one leg." "Bathroom." "This will be your room." "It has a double bed." " So I see, yes." "You have full use of all facilities." "My gentlemen have always been part of the family." "They usually call me "mum."" " Just what I'm looking for." "My daughter and I share the back room." "My husband and I keep separate rooms for medical reasons." "So!" "Would you like a cup of tea?" "There's no need to go to all this trouble Mrs Beasley." "We don't stint in this household, Mr. Guppy" "Had enough of rationing during the war." "I think you'll find us very generous." "Now, tuck in." "Is that your daughter?" " Maureen, yes." "Living in the Midlands now." "Married a man with property in Ashby de la Zouch." "I made that wedding dress." "Yes, the little bridesmaid's" " Very professional." "Yes." "I'm a devil with the needle." "Come to me with all your mending." "Here's a little bridesmade Joyce." "She's my late blessing'." "Thirteen in a fortnight." "You'll be here for the party." "Are you a local man?" "I have family here." "That's why I came." "Very close." "They moved here after I was sent away." "Sent away?" "Yes, I was 10." "My dad was dead." "And my mum couldn't get a handle on me." "I was... difficult." "So my mum had me sent away." "This is very disturbing, Mr. Guppy." "Well, I was a bit of a tearaway." "She couldn't cope." "I was only ten, but I was a little beggar." "I got sorted out when I joined the Navy." "They did tests on me." "I had an accident." "Well, I got in a little fight, and, well, any, anyway..." "The doctors got hold of me, did these tests..." "What kind of tests?" " Blood tests and such." "Turns out I had low blood sugar, which caus me to lose my temper." "Now I have a couple of boiled sweets every day." "And I'm happy as Larry." "Roundtrees are the best." "That or a sugar lumo." "But, you haven't been in any trouble." "...have you, Harold?" "Don't worry about it." "I was just a bit of a rapscallion, that's all." "When I was 10." "Yes, well boys will be boys." "See you in the pub." "Marjorie!" " That will be Mr. Beasley." "Do me a favor." "We agreed on three pounds for the rent... but I will tell him it's three guineas." "It s just a little deception." "Whatever you say Mrs. Beasley." "And don't be disturbed by his missing leg." "Does he have any references?" "Oh, Dad, you do show me up." "Mr. Guppy's Navy man, isn't that so?" "...careful, we got a young girl in the house." "You understand?" "Really Stanley, you are shocking, it's all been arranged" "Now please just remember your manners and shake on it!" "Marjorie!" "Is that you?" "You'll wake Joyce up!" " Come here for a moment, love." "Sit down just a minute." "Stanley!" " I'd like some company, love." "I miss ya, Marjorie." "At night." "Remember what the doctor said." "But it's been 6 years since you had that trouble." "Stanley, you know i can't risk intimacy" "I just need a little..." "comfort, love." "Stanley, if If you don't let go, I'll spill this water on you what's it." "That'll cool down your ardor, a notch." "Come on, love." " For heaven's sake!" "Stanley, be a man." "What's up mum?" " Nothing, darling." "Run off to bed." "I'll bring you a glass of water." "Mum?" " Yeah?" "I'm bleeding." "Down there." " No need to draw a picture." "Have they told you about this at school?" " I think so." "So." "You know what to do then?" " Think so." "Good." "We'll find some...equipment that" "Maureen left behind in the cupboard." "I'm gonna make us some cocoa then." "Joyce, ever wonder what your life will be like when you're a grown woman?" "All the time." "I'll have a man, I expect." "Like Montgomery Gift or Dirk Bogart." "He won't go to the pub every night." "He'll stay at home and tell me things and help me do the washing' up." "I expect he'll be a man with two legs." "Joyce, you know, if ever you're confused about anythin', if ever you wanna talk or anything you want to know, you can always ask one of your sisters." " Yes, Mum." "Men aren't the answer though, Joyce." "Will I have to go to school tomorrow?" "Yes!" "Not using this as an excuse every month" "Anvway we've another lodger moving in tomorrow." "Don't want you getting under his feet." "Are you coming to my birthday party?" "Yes, I have a new dress." "It's going to be the most wonderful birthday party ever." "Much better than Valerie Andre" "Will there be any boys there?" "Better than boys, Pauline." " What do you mean?" "There's going to be a man." "A proper one." " Who is he?" "He's our new lodger." "He'll be there for tea." "What does he look like?" " He looks a bit like Montgomery Clift." "What did you girls learn at school this week, Pauline?" "We started biology with Miss Newborn." "Oh." "What's that all about, then?" "It's th study of living orgasms." "Well I'm off down to the pub." "I think I'll join you." "Thanks for the tea, Mrs Beasley." "What?" "What have I said?" " Joice you are a disgrace!" "You made Mr. Guppy feel very uncomfortable." "Now when he comes back, I expect you to be nice to him." "Show him your stamp album or something." "I don't want him off to the pub with your father every night." "Bang!" "Blew it clean off." "Clean slice." "They dragged me screamin' into the trench." "Fully conscious. "I lost me leg!" "I lost me leg!" Then I, I hear this voice." "It's the sergeant." "He said, "You haven't lost your leg, son." "It's over there with my arm."" "Started to laugh." "He was always the bastard, that sergeant." "But he saved my life." "Made me laugh." "You were very lucky, Stanley." " Bloody lucky," "In France, they still employ someone every day to go out and collect bones off the battlefield." "My leg could still be out there." "And the sergeant's arm." " and the sergeant's arm." "Your round, Harold" "Best foot forward, Stanley." "Blimey, it's pelting down there." "You're going straight back out again." "Princess needs his constitutional." "No ifs, no buts, no arguments." "Out you go." "No, no need for you to get another soaking, Harold." "Dad's used to it." "What can I get you?" "Sandwich, biscuit, cocoa?" "I think I'll just turn in Mrs Beasley." "Now, Harold." "What must you call me?" "Mum." " That's better." " I think I'll just turn in, Mum." "I'll have a nice breakfast ready for you first thing." "Night." " Good night." "Mr. Guppy." "Have you heard of the hagfish?" " Heard of the what?" "It's really nasty." "It kills its victims by wrapping itself around them so tight that it digs into their flesh." "And once it's buried itself inside them, it eats them from the inside out." "Miss Newborn told us that in Biology." "Ah..." " Good night!" " Good night!" "you missed!" " Come on!" "Harold can't get me!" "Ah, you're dead!" "You're..." "I'm not, no, me no dead." "Me protected by heap big magic of sacred tomahawk!" "Ah, oh, you monster." "I nearly threw a fit!" "Customer, Mrs. Beasley." "Good afternoon, Mrs. Paxon." "It's Mrs. Fox-Davies now." "I've married again" " Oh, congratulations." "I've brought my lingerie in to be cleaned." "It's my wedding trousseau." "I never thought the day would plunge again." "Roland took me to Capri." "Have you ever been to Capri, Mrs.Beasley?" "Isn't that where Gracie Fields lives?" " It's just heavenly." "Yes, my husband doesn't approve of Gracie Fields." "She married an Italian." "It looks just like Elizabeth Taylor." "Yes..." "The wages of sin, Pamela." "Be warned." "I knew Angela Paxman when her hair was natural." "She was showin' her scanties when she was sixteen, and she's still showin' them now" " Oh, but they're beautiful." "I tell you Pamela." "I'd rather be dead than brazen." "I wouldn't swap places with Angela Fox whatsit for all the silk drawers in China." "Remember, people talk, Pamela." "People talk." "I'm really sorry!" " Harold!" "Iris!" "Good Lord, how are you?" "I'm fine." "How are you settling in?" "Very well, I'm a window cleaner." "Got myself a lovely home, nice family." "I've landed on my feet." "Good." "You will come and see us, won't you" "Now that you've found us?" "Of course." "I can't stop now." "I have to get t the shop before it closes." "Harold, come for Christmas." "Maurice would be thrilled." "That's lovely." "Thank you." "I've come for the birthday cake." " All right." "Isn't there any real food in this house?" "Harold?" "Can I borrow you a tick?" "What do you think of our little girl?" "Well, how do I look?" "Like the belle of the ball" " Thanks." ""Will I grow rich?" Said the bells of Shore Ditch." ""When will that be?"" "Here comes a casualty I'd be convinced." "In comes a to chop off your head!" "No!" "Mum, I don't why you didn't do this on Saturday night." "It would've been much more convenient." "There's school tomorrow." "It's Joyce's birthday today, not Saturday." "It wouldn't be the same." "It was not wise to let those girls have so mi cider." "They seem quite tipsy," "They'll have hangovers tomorrow." "Oh, nonsense." "You can't get drunk on cider" "Not on Whiteley's." "It's a well established firm." "Besides, they're grammar school girls." "Grammar school girls know how to behave" "I don't know." "The way you see things sometimes is beyond me." "Your new lodger seems to have won a few hearts." "He's enjoying himself as much as the children." "They love him." "Yes." "Harold certainly has a way with the little ones." "Joyce simply dotes on him." "And he's, uh, very nice looking." "Deirdre." "Remember you're a married woman." "I still got eyes on my head." "Do you know any more party games, Mr. Guppy?" "Do I know any party games?" "You want a kiss?" " Sure." "Come here, gorgeous." "You're the apple of my eye." "Don't you forget it." "He always gets maudlin when he's drunk." "You spin it for me will ya?" "I'm too old for this sort of thing" "I've been longing for this since you've been here." "Any chance of cocoa, Mum?" "We used the last of the milk in the trifle." "You should've ordered extra." "I had to come, Harold." "I wouldn't have, only..." "Well, it's probably the Ruby wine." "Dutch courage." " What do you want?" "Just to talk." "May I sit on the bed?" "I like your pajamas, Harold." "They're very distinguished." "I think you should go back to your room, get some sleep." "I can't sleep." "You've got me so I can't sleep, Harold." "I'm a very lonely woman." "I Don't know whether you've noticed that, but I am, I'm very lonely." "That color suits you." " Keep your voice down." "Stanley might hear" "May I get into bed with you?" "Please?" "Please." "I want to." "You'll..." "You'll make me very happy." "I know I shouldn't." "May I, please?" " No, I don't think you should." "Don't reject me, I couldn't bear it." "Mr. Beasley's always been very friendly with me." "I don't want to have a scene with him." "It's not wise for you to get in here with me." "Stanley and I get on very well together." "Don't be angry with me." " Stop carrying on like this." "I'm really frightened that Stanley will hear what is goin' on and come to the wrong conclusion." " Stop goin' on about that man!" "?" "He's been a beast to me." "know what my life's been like with that man all these years." "He's made me so miserable." "I just want a little comfort." "That's all." "I've been so sad for such a long time." "I just need to cuddle." "Please." "Stop that." " I wasn't doing anything" "Harold, I'm sorry." "That's all right." " I'm sorry." "I am sorry." "That's all right." "Come on." "Oh, hurry up." "Take it off." "Mum?" " It's Joyce, it's Joyce!" "Run along to bed, Joyce." "You've had enough excitement for one day." "Why are you in bed with Harold?" "Curiosity killed the cat, young miss, and don't you raise your voice to me." "Come back to our room." "I don't like it on my own." "Since when were you giving the orders in this house?" "Now, just go back to bed." " No." "Keep your voice down, you'll wake your father." "Can I get into bed with you?" " No." "There's loads of room on this side." " I said no." "Now scram." "It's not fair." "I'll tell Dad." " Joyce, be quiet!" "I don't care if dad wakes up." "it's not fair, it's my birthday!" "Well, you may as well get in if it'll shut you up." "Put the landing light off." "You can't allow that." "That's not decent." "Nonsense." "There won't be any harm done I'm her mother." "It's all right." "Now, good night." "Good night." "We'll speak in morning" "She's asleep?" "I think so." " Good." "Oh, Mum." "Good morning, Harold." "You overslept." "You don't want to be late on your first day of work." "I've packed you a lunch." "Sandwiches." "And I've used the last of that nice lamb." "You know cold meat gets stuck under your plate." "I've prepared you egg." "No complaint" " We got our first Christmas card." "From the British Limbless Ex Servicemen Association." "They're always very prompt." "Hurry up, Harold." "You're walking me to school." "You don't need walking to school, Joyce." "Harold promised me last night." "You do remember last night, Harold?" "Come along Harold." "Was that adultery last night, Harold?" "Weren't you asleep?" " Well, sort of." "It was a bit difficult." "I expect it has to be kept secret" "I don't know what you're talkin' about." "You must've been havin' a dream." "If it was adultery, you're lucky you're not Japanese." " Why?" "The Japanese used to crucify men for adultery." "Just the man, that is." "And while he was slowly dying, he was forced to look on as his girlfriend was ripped in two by a pair of bullocks." "That is disgusting." " And King John hanged three of his wife's boyfriends over her bed as a warning to her" "I don't know where you get these horrible stories." "What do you do exactly when you're having adultery?" "Well, it isn't the sort of thing nice people talk about." "It's not decent." "They won't like you." "Harold?" "Will you kiss me?" " No." "Well, we could go back there." "Nobody will see us." "I just want to know what it's like." "Looks so silly." "You're too young." " I'm thirteen." "I know how to smoke and everything, look." "Stop messin' about, Joyce, you'll be late for school." "Come on." "It's not fair." "Harold!" "You should be nice to me." "Otherwise I might tell Dad about the secret." "He might think he's King John." "Then where will you be?" "I won't give in to blackmail, Joyce." "Of course not." "What's blackmail?" "Oh, Dad!" " Oh, Stanley, if you can't do anything useful, just get out from under our feet." " Do you fancy a drink, Harold?" "No." "Harold's helping us with the Christmas decorations, aren't you, Harold?" " Yes, Mum." "Well, I'm off to the..." " To the pub!" "Yes, see you later." "Don't you have any homework, Joyce?" "It's the school holidays, Dad." "Oh, yeah, heh, of course." "Well, I'll see you later then." "How about a glass of Ruby wine?" "Thanks." " I want some wine." " You won't like it." "I'll tell Dad on you." "If you say that one more time, I swear I'm gonna swing for you." "Here." "Have some of mine." "Will you buy me a bicycle for Christmas, Harold?" "If you go on like this, you won't grow up to t a lady." "Good night, Dad." " G'night, Mum." "Happy Christmas, everybody." "Happy Christmas." " It's fantastic." "Say cheese." " Cheese!" "Boy, what has Mummy got for you?" "Open wide." "Now, Harold." "What must you call me?" "Iris was very upset that you didn't show up last Christmas." "It was a big gesture for her to invite you." "We didn't hear a word." "Well, I couldn't." "I can't explain." "Why are you here now?" "Are you in trouble" "Yeah." "No, I don' think so." "Is it your job?" " I haven't got a job" "I thought you were a window cleaner." "Oh, that was just for a couple of weeks." "Then I worked at a building site." "What happened?" " I got cold." "How do you pay your rent?" "I thought you came back here to be near your family." "That's me." "I'm all the family you have." "I've only seen you a couple of times." "You seem to be avoiding us." "Suddenly here you are stinking of whiskey and upsetting my wife." "Do you want me to go?" " Listen, Harold..." "I'm not tryin' to push you away." "I'm your brother." "I want to know what's wrong." "Talk to me." "It's my landlady." "I've been carrying on with my landlady like married couple." "You don't mean..." "Oh, Harold!" "Not a platonic relationship." "Yeah, I'm afraid so, Maurice." "Every night for months." "So, how old is this woman, Harold?" "Is there sugar in that?" "I need sugar." "Thank you, Mrs. Rumperts." "Thank you." "I need this by next Thursday, please." " Certainly." "What name is it?" " Mrs. Guppy." "Guppy?" "My lodger's name is Guppy." "Well, I call him my lodger but really he's one of the family." "Harold Guppy." "Any relation?" "He's my brother in law." " Well, isn't that a coincidence?" "Yes." "Isn't it?" "Thursday, then?" "Mrs Beasley, can I bother you for a sec?" "Yes, Mr. Pugh?" " I need a little help here." "Woman's touch," "I've been given the sack, Mrs. Beasley." "Good gracious, why?" " It's a question of morals." "If you take my drift, it's a matter of decency" "Oh, Mrs. Beasley." "I'm gonna have a baby." "Pamela, you silly, silly girl." "I'll fetch your hat and coat." "Clean her up, and send her home.We can't be having this on the premises." "No use crying over spilt milk, dear." "Mrs. Beasley, what have I done?" "I thought that was pretty obvious." "It's a bit late to cry about it." "I met him at a dance." " Who?" " You know." "Him." "He took me to the cricket pavilion..." " Spare me the details." "He said he loved me." "But I haven't seen him since." "Well, who can blame him, Pamela?" "No decent man is going to hook up with a girl with morals as loose as that." "Oh, please don't be cruel, Mrs. Beasley." "You know you can't have your cake and eat it." "It wouldn't be fair on the rest of us!" "There are lots of people who'd like to throw wind and do as they please." "How many times have I told you... a lady's reputation is all she has." "I didn't say it'd be easy to keep." "Pamela, Pamela, Pamela." "Please, Mr. Pugh, I need the money." "I'm sorry, Miss Greaves, we can't condone this sort of behavior in this firm." "We have a role to play in the community." "Responsibilities." "Sorry." "There are times when I thank the Lord my girls passed their grammar school entrance exam." "A grammar school girl would never go for a jaunt with a man." "A moral fiber." "Education is a wonderful thing." "A wonderful thing." "Give over, Joyce, What are you doing?" "I picked some flowers." "Aren't they pretty?" "Well, you Shouldn't pick these." "You'll wet your bed." "Oh, that's an old wive's tale." "And that's dandelions, not these things." "like being alone with you." "Without Mum, I mean." "I'm glad she bought you the bike." "She buys you lots of presents, doesn't she?" "We'd better make tracks." "Come on." "I don't want to qo home." "I want to stay here all night!" "Catch our deaths!" " No we wouldn't." "We could stay in a hotel." "We passed one down the road." "We couldn't afford it." "And anyway, your dad would murder me." "He's old and stupid." "He wouldn't know." "Don't talk like that about your dad." "You're lucky to have one." "He'd skin me alive." "We could wire Mum." "Say we had apuncture or I twisted my ankle or something." "And then we could stay in a hotel and have a meal with ice cream" "Don't be daft, Joyce." "Please, Harold, I want to." "Come on." "Harold, you should do as I say." "Unless youre looking for trouble" "I'm afraid all our twin bedded rooms are occupied." "That's all right." "My daughter and I are used to bunking together." "No luggage?" " No." "Follow me, sir." "I hope you'll both be comfortable." "If you need anything, just ask for Bunty." "Get into bed, Harold." " When you're asleep." "Do you think I'm pretty?" " I think you're very pretty." "I'm prettier than Mum." "She's old." "She's a grandmother, and she wears glasses." "You're prettier than Mum, yeah." "You get into bed with Mum." "Yeah." "It's not fair." "You need a shave." " Do I?" "None of the boys i know have to shave." "They just have fluff on their faces." "I like it." "You wanna play a dangerous game, my girl." "You mustn't carry a chip on your shoulder." "Don't lecture me, Joyce." " I'm interested in you." "Everyone's a bloody mind doctor these days, aren't they?" "Ask a few questions, get a few answers, read a few articles in the Woman's Realm and wham!" "All problems solved." "You're just a kid, Joyce." "Stop messin' around with me." "I am not messin' around." "I like you." "You don't know me." "You imagine me in a certain way." "What are you goin' on about?" "Leave me alone!" "You don't give a damn about me!" "Harold, you're scaring me." " Alright." "Now tell me you ddidn't think about me last night in bed" "Harold, don't!" " And you don't lie in bed and imagine me pressin' against you, naked." "Even with your eyes closed you can still se me, can't you?" "Every detail..." "the heat of my breath on your cheek... the shape of my mouth, the smoothness of my skin." "Imagine my skin rubbing against you through your night dress." "My hips against your hips... my hands all over you, everywhere." "Imagine." "Undressing you." "Harold!" " And you let your hands explore me, don't you?" "And you push me down on the bed." "want me to take all your clothes off." "You want me to climb onto you, and into you." "Deep." "Inside you." "It doesn't go away when you open your eye does it?" "Look at me." "You can still feel me, can't you?" "Yes. 1 feel you." "Joyce." " Yes?" "Don't forget to clean your teeth." "Now you know how it feels like having someone messing with you" "Hey, Mum." "Don't you ever think you are too old for one of those, my girl." "Now get upstairs and pack some things, You're gonna stay with Mona and Jack." "If you've laid one finger on my daughter I'll kill you." "You didn't, did you, Harold?" "Did you play games with Joyce?" "What if 1 did?" "She's my baby." "She's just my baby." "No I didn't touch her." "But for God's sake, with all the carrying' on and what she's seen, would it really have mattered if I had?" "Oh, Harold." "It's different with us." "We're grown ups." "Grown ups are supposed to have these feelings." "What feelings?" " You know." "Don't make me say it." "Look, there are no feelings in what we do, we just go at it like animals rutting." "Harold!" " It's just sex!" "Lust!" "Copulation!" "Fucking!" " Stop it!" "You are being deliberately cheap!" "But it is cheap the way we do it!" "But it is cheap!" "How dare you speak to me like that." "I'm not some squalid little tart ready to be insulted." "I am a lady!" "See the way 1 look at it, the only feelings you've got are between your legs." "Filth." "Filth." "You're a hip, uh, hippo, what is that word?" "You're a bloody hippo!" "I'm going to stay at my brother's." "Yeah, righty o." "I made you some sandwiches." "Can't have my boy getting hungry." "I'm sorry, Harold." "It's all my fault." "Everything's my fault." "Cut the crusts off, how you like them." " Thanks." "I've tried my best." "I'm a good wife and good a mother." "You can ask anybody that." "Anybody." "Just not satisfied, that's all." "And that's pride." "I opened that tin of sardines." "I know you h your eye on them." "I do have feelings, Harold." "I need." "I need..." "I need you." "I've joined the Army." " What?" "You've done what Harold?" " I joined the Army. 12 year engagement." "Find something you like and stick with it." "You've had your chanches." " I don't have any qualifications." "You don't need qualifications." "I think it'll be good for me." " It's that woman, isn't it?" "She's been driving me nuts," "But you don't want to join the Army, Harold" "Believe me." "I served 11 years myself." "You're not cut out for it." "1 just don't think you'd like it." "I grew up in reform schools. 1 spent all those years in the Merchant Navy." "I like being told what to do, I'm used to it." "Don't worry I'll be all right." "Where will you be posted?" "I asked to be sent as far from here as possible." "Dear Harold." "Please come back home." "I will be just a mother to you." "I would be so happy to do just your cooking, washing and ironing." "Think what comfort you've had for two pounds a week." "Baths when you like..." "Cook what you like for breakfast." "Just let me see you." "If you're worried about the money, I have enough money to buy you out of the army." "30 pounds is a lot money, but it's worth it fo you." "Please write to me soon." "I shall write to you every day." "I enclose a postal order for five shillings." "Love, Mum." "P.S. Do you know where the red handled pliers are?" "Hello, Mrs. Guppy." "Good afternoon." "Have you heard from Harold recently?" "Oh, yes." "We correspond regularly." "Does he seem happy to you?" "With the Army - yes." "Army life suits him down to the ground." "I think he needs the discipline, don't you?" "And there's his girlfriend, of course." "Jean." "He's going to pop the question." "But here I am telling you." "I expect you know all about it, don't you?" "Oh, yes, he tells me everything." "Like a son me." "Princess Margaret's personal message issued from Clearance House began with these words." ""I would like it to be known that I have decided not to..."" ""...marry group Captain Peter Townsend."" ""Mindful of the church's teaching that" "Christian marriage is indissoluble,"" "...and conscious of my duty to the Commonwealth," ""1 have resolved to put these considerations before any others."" "The love and affection, sympathy and understanding, of a nation and Commonwealth... go out to Princess Margaret in her couragous decision." "It's so sad, isn't it?" "That poor man." "How could she do that to him?" "I don't understand." "King Edward gave up his throne for Mrs. Simpson." "Princess Margaret's got nothin' to lose." "She's not the Queen." "Poor man." "Come on." "Blow your nose and forget about it, you soft apeth." "Do you remember Mrs. Ellis?" "Ruth Ellis." "That woman they hanged last Summer." "Oh, yeah." " I didn't understand her, either." "She shot her lover, because he was leavin' her." "It doesn't make sense." "I mean, she'd never get him back once he was dead, would she?" "It's barmy killing somebody for love." "It's just stupid." "I've bought you a present." " It's a bit early for Christmas." "Oh, Harold!" "If 1 ruled the whole world, I would give up my throne for you, Jean." "Oh, Harold!" "Come on, tuck in here, you soft apeth." "Good girl." "Look at that, eh?" "Shut up, Pauline, somebody will hear us." "I want to go home!" "Leave me alone!" "What's going on?" "Sounds like World War III" "We were just playing." " I wanna go home!" "I hate you, Joyce Beasley!" "You hurt me!" "Joyce!" "what have you done to upset Pauline?" "She put her hand up my gym slip and hurt me and she said it was a game." "I want to go home!" "And I'll tell you something." "You're not my best friend anymore, that's for certain." "Valerie Andrews was right about you." "You' peculiar!" "What was that all about?" "Mum." "Harold sent me a birthday card." "He wrote to you?" "I don't like to take this tone with you, Harold. but unless you stop this nonsense and come home I will take Joice to police and tell them about the night you went to the hotel with her" "I'm not bluffing." "Harold." "I'm doing this for your own good." "You are family." "We all want you back and will make you happy here." "Mum." "P.S. 1 enclose a 10 shilling postal order." "Mrs. Beasley?" "Telephone!" "He said he'd ring back in 5 minutes." "I don't approve of private use of office equipment!" "This is a business, bare that in mind" " Oh, I will, Mr. Pugh, thank you." "Hello?" " Hello?" "Mum?" "When are you coming home, Harold?" " I'm getting married." "I want you to leave me alone." "Stop writing and sending me money." "Bugger!" "Calm down." "Take a deep breath." "Good boy." "Must not get anxious, it's only mum." "I've got a new start here, mum." " Now, be quiet, Harold, and listen." "I'm going to send you a check to get you out of the Army." "Now you've gotta stop this." "Shut up." "You've got me at the end of my tether, if that was your intention." "It's time to come home." "You've had your little jaunt." "If you don't come back soon, I'm writing this Jean person you're mixed up with... and tell her about all the goings on with Joyce" "Oh, how'd you know about Jean?" "Who told you about Jean." "I don't mean to be unpleasant, but I have to be firm for your own good." "Hurt me just as much as it hurts you, Harold." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Who is it at this time of nigt?" " You go to bed, I'll deal with it." "Are you stayin' for good this time, Harold?" "Well, I dunno." "We'll see." "No more messin' about, eh?" "No." "I mean yes." "I'm sorry about..." "Yeah, me too." "Yeah, all my fault." "Dance?" " No, no" "Come on, it's easy." "You just count one, two, three." " Oh, goodness, dear me." "One, two, three, one, two, three." "My foot." " Sorry." "S'all right." "Did you know, that in Victorian times girls in the ballet would regularly catch fire from the footlights?" "No." " They'd spark up like Catherine wheels." "Incinerated." " Terrible." "That's why they're called the Corpse de Ballet." "Keep in time, Harold." "Harold, don't!" "I'll go sit down here." "It's old, but in very good condition." " Yes, I see." "It's been well looked after." " It's been my pride and joy." "So what do you think, Harold?" "120 pounds." "Can you afford it?" "Whatever will keep you here is worth it." "I think it's time we put your father's tea on." "That.s a pretty flower." "Joyce, that's your fourth glass." " So?" "Who's counting?" "I am." "You'll be drunk." "Can't tell me what to do." "I do as I like." "I don't know what's gotten into you." "You're talking like a proper madame." "Why won't he do it to me?" " Do what?" "What he does to you." "Sex." " You disgusting little mare." "Get upstairs and wash your mouth out with soap and water." "I thought you were a nice girl, Joyce" "Shows what you know, I'm no virgin." "I've been with a boy and we've had sexual intercourse." "It happened in Slough, so there." "Shut up!" "Shut up!" " You can't make me." "I don't believe you." "You've been drinking and are showing off." "There's nothing clever about telling dirty lies" "If Harold doesn't do it to me, I'll make a noise every night you go into his room" "Dad'll get wise to it." "And that's a promise" "That'll stop your hanky panky." "I'll give you a good hiding if you don't stop." "Make me." "Make me." "Mum!" " Come on!" "No!" "What are you doing?" "Harold!" "Dad, you can't." "No!" "Stop it!" "Get off of me!" "It's the answer, Joyce!" "No, Harold." "No!" "Let go!" "I'll tell Dad!" "You've got to be cruel to be kind, Joyce." "No!" "Just shut up, Joyce!" "That should sober her up." " What are we to do, Harold?" "Don't look at me, she's your daughter." "We could send her to boarding school." "Well, boarding school's expensive." " Stanley's working." "I have savings." "My heritance." " What's going on?" "What are you plotting?" "You're up to something." "Joyce, darling, how would you like to go away to boarding' school?" "Don't be stupid." "You can't get rid of me that easily." "Don't speak to me like that!" "You will do as you are told." "Are you going to stop her?" "We have to calm her down before Stanley gets home." "Joyce, come back here!" "Stop messin' about!" "This is a right mess!" " Go away!" "Listen, Joyce." "The best idea is to go along with this boarding school idea." "Leave me alone!" " You'll probably enjoy it!" " Stop it!" "Look at all these Mallory Towers books you've been..." " You stupid idiot!" "No arguments." "She's going." "I might as well kill you and be done with it!" "I hate you!" "I hate you both!" "You little basttard, you!" "Both of you, calm down!" "Stop it!" "Lovely evening." "Stanley, there's been an accident." "Marjorie tripped on the stairs got her foot caught or something..." "She's all right." "There's nothing broken." "Just a black eye." "Did you push her?" " Course I didn't." "My lady." "What do you want?" " I want to see Maurice." "It's not convenient." " Can I wait?" "I don't wish to be nasty, Harold, but no, you can't." "I'm sorry, Harold." "Wait a moment, Harold." "I don't understand why you're here." "We've done everything we can to help you, you won't help yourself." "I think the best thing for you was the Army." "You were going to settle down." "Get married." "I bought a hat!" "But now you're here with that"woman" again." "We can't do anything more for you." "I want to see my brother." "He doesn't want to see you." " Is that what he's decided?" "Yes." "We have new responsibilities now, Harold." "We're going to have a baby." "I'm sorry to sound cruel, but..." "I we don't think you're the sort of person we want to have near our child." "I see." "There..." "That's it." "Good night, Harold." " Good night, Iris." "Congratulations." "I'm sorry." " Where's Joyce?" "I sent her to Deirdre's." " At this time of night?" "Oh, no." "A couple hours ago, I put her in a cab." "Don't worry." "It'll all come out in the wash." "Mum, this is serious." "Do you understand that?" " No." "I don't think I understand anything anymore" "Just lately I've been puttingtwo and two together and making five." "I look out that window at those grey little houses... and those bloody grey little people." "And my whole life comes pressing down on me like a roof." "And I think "I'm just empty." "I'm nearly fifty and I've got no life."" "God, how do people live like this?" "Husbands who grow old, children who grow up then you die." "Suffering your way out of a life youve neve really lived." "It makes me want to scream." "Roar my lungs out because I've missed the whole point of everything." "To hell with loneliness." "Harold, to hell with loneliness." "Where did you get the knife from?" "Oh, we..." "It was my son, Vernon's." "He, he was a boy scout." "I'd, I don't want to talk about it." "Just think." "We've got the whole night." "Just the two of us." "Why don't you go to your husband for this?" " I told you, he's a beast to me." "I don't like it when he touches me." "Well, try to like it." "This has to stop." " Yes, I know, Harold." "But not tonight." "Don't bolt your food." "You'll choke." " I've got to dash, darling," "I've got a meeting." " You haven't finished." "Sorry, I haven't got the time." "I'll try and get home early." "What's wrong, duchess?" "Cheer up." "Honestly." "Men." "Deirdre, do you love George?" "What sort of a question is that?" "Do you have other boyfriends?" "Joyce!" "I'm married!" "So is Mum." "She's been married for years." "Joyce, have you been listening to gossip?" "Has someone been telling you stories abou the war?" "What about the war?" "Well, there was a time during the war... when somebody, who must have been a very nasty sort of person had nothing better to do than spread malicious stories about people." "And that person started a rumor about Mum" "Now there were lots of military types around in town in those days." "And Mum was a lot younger then." "Much more attractive, especially without her glasses." "She used to take in lodgers." "Now Dad only had one leg, so she was an easy target." "But they weren't true, Joyce." "You musn't listen to horrid old stories." "She's a wonderful Mum, we all know that." "It's not an old story I'm thinkin' of." "Well, what is it, then?" "She's has a lodger now." "Joyce!" "She's a grandmother!" "Anyway, we shouldn't be talking like this in front of the children." "I have to get to school." "Thanks for breakfast" "Bye." "Pauline." " Just ignore her." "What are you doing in the rain?" "Are you all right?" " Yes, I'm fine." "You looked a bit glum." " I came bottom in the Latin test." "It's never happened before." " I'm used to it." "Pauline..." " Yes?" "I'm sorry about... you know." "That's okay." "Don't mention it." "Would you like to come to tea tonight?" "I That's all right." "I have to study for my French tomorrow, anyway." "So do I." "Some other time, then." " Yeah, some other time." "You'd better go before Valerie sees you talkin' to me." "Where's Joyce?" " Oh, Harold." "I've no idea." "She didn't come home lunchtime." "She probably went by Pauline's." "Is there a problem?" "She won't be at Pauline's." "They don't see eye to eye these days." "She's off sulking somewhere." "She doesn't like my attitude with your mother." "Now I'm not gonna have a fourteen year old tell me what to do." "You know, that girl needs a proper talkin' to about sex." "She has some bad ideas." " Well, that's no concern of yours." "It's her I'm thinking about." "Will you go please?" "Somebody's gotta put her straight." "That's her mother's place, not yours." " Your mother is useless." "I mean, did she ever tell you about you know... about..." "Call a spade a spade, Fucking, Did she ever tell you about fucking?" "Bobby!" "Bobby, let's go home." "Come on." " Do you know that Joyce masturbates?" "She tries to do it with her friends." "How dare you talk of such filth in front of children?" "I'm worried about the girl." " Give me your hand." "I think you should have her come live with you." "She's in the way at Mum's." "Her place is with her mother." "She's 14." "Now go away or I'll call the police!" "Come on, Bobby." "I'm worried for the girl!" "Hello, love." "What are you doing here?" "Dad, I have to talk to you." "You don't have a reputation to keep." "Pete's sake, Harold, don't listen to thegirl." "It's vicious gossip she's picked up." "You know how people talk." "You can't fool me." "You're nothin' more than an old whore, carrying on with soldiers during the war." "Even your own daughter says you're a whore" "Leading everybody a dog's life." "Dirty whore making out you're a saint!" "Mum, I heard the front door go." "Hello, love." "Fancy a cup of cocoa?" "May I have a word, old man?" "Right." "Harold, are you..." "Have you..." "I want to know." "Have you been having intimate relations with my wife?" "'Course not, Stanley." "Who told you that?" "Better go, hadn't I?" "Well... you've told me everything's all right." "So there we are." "I don't see why you can't stay." "As longas you behave yourself like a gentleman." "All right, then." " Very well." "I think I should tell you, um, I've talked to Mum." "And I think I made it all right between you." "In the bed department." "You miserable little sod." "I don't need a pimp to make sexual arrangements between me and my wife." "I'm only tryin' to help." " You're two a penny you are." "Calm yourself." "You're going to have a fit!" "Here, here." "You see these boys here?" "You see these boys here?" "Yes, yes." " One of them is worth ten of you." "And most of them have been dead for thirty four years." "I did my bit, Stanley." " Your bit?" "!" "You're nothin', you're nobody!" "Even your own mother couldn't stand the bloody sight of ya!" "He has gone to his sister's." "He's not well and cannot come." "What did you do to him, Harold?" "Well, we can do without him." "Not on your wages, we can't." "Get the car." "We don't need him!" "Who's going to pay for Joyce's new blazer?" "Stanley may be partially limited, but he has always been an excellent provider." "Stanley's gone!" "He's left us to it!" "And what are the neighbors going to make of that?" "The Truth?" " Nobody wants the truth, Harold." "nobody wants to be slapped in the face with our dirty linen." "The truth frightens everybody to death!" "Scares the livin' daylights outta me." "I could happily strangle the lot o' you!" "You're well enough to be up and about?" " It looks like it!" "I took a day off work to bring them here on wild goose chase!" "I suppose you said I hit you!" "You must've hit him." "He's got a bruise and a lump on the back of his head." "I won't hit you next time!" "I'll kill you!" "Go for the police, Joyce." " No!" "He said he'd kill us!" "You harm one hair on my daughter's head, and I'll rip your bloody guts out!" "You and whose army, peg leg?" " Get out!" "Get out!" "And if you think I'm afraid of the police, I'll call them myself." "I'll have you for slander!" " Go home, Harold!" "What makes you think she's your daughter?" "Get out of here you filthy mongrel!" "And you can go with him if you wish, Marjorie." "What makes you think I want to go anywhere with that delinquent?" "I'm sorry this has happened Harold, we'll probably be back on Thurdsay" "You'll have to be gone by then" "Will somebody please tell me what that was about?" "I'm in the dark." "It's all right, Stanley." "He's gone." "Give us a beer, Mom!" "You, oi!" "Stop messin' about!" "What the hell are you doin' here?" "I just want to be friendly, Harold." "You could lose me my job." "I've got a good job here." "Why don't you come over tomorrow lunchtime while Stanley's at the pub?" "Bring the car." "We can have a picnic." " Why can't you leave me alone, eh?" "There's no need to worry about Stanley anymore." "That was over a fortnight ago." "Don't ignore us, please." "We miss you." "Please come home." "Look, I can handle Stanley." "Sod Stanley." "I don't wanna come home." "Do you understand me?" "You're old enough to be my mother." "I thought that's why you liked me." "I never liked you." "I like girls." "Nice girls with smooth faces." "Not grandmothers." "Girls." "Children." "Like Joyce." "Fuck off!" "I knew you'd come, Harold." "Perfect timing." "And I've done us a lovely picnic." "And Stanley's taken Princess with him, so they won't be bothering us." "You're looking peaky." "Isn't he, Joyce?" "Didn't sleep well, nor eaten." "Would you like a Bromoseltzer?" " I've had one." "In the olden days, as a cure for headaches people ate moss growing on the heads of criminals hanging from gibbets," "It's going to be a lovely day, I can feel it in my bones." "Ready?" "Here you are then." "Go on, get it." "Go on, bring it." "Bring it here." "You!" "Hey!" "Come here!" "Come here!" "Princess!" "Come, Princess!" "Wh...!" "What the?" "!" "Come, Princess!" "What do you think about Grace Kelly becoming' a Princess." "Harold?" "Didn't she look lovely in the newsreels?" "Yes, but it's not like our royalty, is it?" "One of ours wouldn't be able to marry an actress." "It wouldn't be etiquette." "She did look beautiful though." " Look at poor Princess Margaret Rose." "Now she's the real thing, of course." "But could she marry the man she loves?" "No." "And Grace Kelly is getting all the limelight." "Must feel like a slap in the face." "Last one." "Can I have a go?" " No." " Please, Harold." "Stop whining." "You'd probably end up chop choppin' your fingers off or somethin'." " Don't be stupid." "I won't hurt myself." "Go and help your mum." "Why don't you go and pick some flowers?" "I'm not a baby." "I'm fourteen." "Go and pick some flowers, and let Harold do the fire." "Why don't you come and sit down, Harold?" "I've done us a lovely spread." "We should do this more often." "We could go away together." "What about Joyce?" " Joyce will come with us." "Don't talk that rubbish." "You got me into trouble, Mum." "Now, you and Joyce have got me so messed up." "I spent last night in jail because of you." "I have to see the magistrate next week for.." "for touching' a girl at the swimming' baths, and it's your fault." "You got me so low." "And it's got to stop." "What are you trying to say?" "I'm telling you that if you don't stop worrying me for the sake of sex then I'm goin' to the police." "I've already written the letter." "If you tell people I touched Joyce... they'll believe you after what I've done." "But I'm gonna show you the letters you sent me in the Army... begging for me, clamoring after me." "You won't be able to show your face in the street." "You'll have to suffer that." "I'm going to beg for mercy from the magistr on Wednesday." "i And if I'm lucky, if I'm able, I'm going to go Yorkshire... to find my Jeannie, and beg her to take me back." "That's what I came to tell you." "Oh, Harold." "Your punctuation's terrible." "Got the message across though, didn't I?" "Let's make this the last time." "For what?" "You know." "No." " Harold." "You know you want to." "There's a good boy." "You beast, Why can't you just leave Harold alone?" "Jesus Christ!" "Stay in the car, Joyce." "You've broken my jaw!" "Shut up then!" "Oh, Jesus." "Oh." "Mustve cracked it." "It will all come out now." "The whole mess." "The whole mess." "Help us, God." "Keep your head still." "That's it, keep still." "What are you going to do, Mum?" "Stupid!" "Stupid!" "Bitch!" "Don't hurt her!" "Mum!" "No!" "You killed my Mum!" "You killed my Mum!" "You killed her!" "Harold Guppy was convicted for the murder Joyce Beasley." "He was sentenced to death." "The sentence was commuted to life imprisonment." "He was charged for the murder of Marjorie Beasley but this was never brought to trial."