"This is an SOS." "We don't know what's happened, but everybody has disappeared." "There are no people, no police, nothing." "We're all alone." "There's nobody." "If anyone can see this message, please, get in touch..." "Will you stop eating that ham'?" "!" "[Quiet wind howling]" "[TV static]" "No..." "No..." "Nothing..." "U I q" "This is ridiculous." "No... [sigh]" "What time is it'?" "Nine in the morning." "Really?" "I'm reallyjetlagged." "Shouldn't have taken all the sleeping pills." "Yeah, I didn't take mine in the end." "What?" "It was your idea to take them in the first place." "Yeah, I know, but then I saw how sleepy they made you, and it got me all anxious." "Even thinking about taking sleeping pills is keeping me awake." "So I decided not to take them, and I was out like a light." "Slept like a baby." "Oh, great." "There's nothing on TV." "Try HBO." "No, there's literally nothing on TV." "They definitely watch TV in America, don't they'?" "Ben, all they do is watch TV." "Cookie'?" " For breakfast'?" " Yeah!" "No." "What is the point of going on holiday if you can't watch TV'?" "We should get going." "Chevvbaccafs on at 1O followed by Robocop's boss, and the dad from The Lawnmower Man." "What about Xena'?" ""Xena Warrior Princess," "Conference Room B at 2 o'clock."" "Do you think she'd give me a kiss'?" "Yeah." "Really?" "Not if you were the last man on earth." "[Static continues]" "3100..." "We can either see Rutger Hauer, or a monster from Doctor Who." "Is there no one from The Walking Dead'?" "No." "There's a guy who was in one episode of Game of Thrones." " Who?" " Just says, 'Knight who fell off horse'." "Nah." " L-low about the puppets from Labyrinth'?" " Yeah, okay." "There should be some javvas serving coffee." "I thought everything was bigger and better in America." "The one in Leicester had more going on than this..." "Where's Chewbacca'?" "Leicester's bigger than New York, though, right'?" "Where's anyone'?" "Are they gonna serve some food'?" "Hello'?" "I saved up for six months for this trip, Ben!" " Really?" " My mom bought my ticket." "Your mom buys you everything." "Maybe they're all in another room." "Wait here, I'll go and check." "L-loth Wampa!" "[Elevator dings]" "Leave your bag there, why don't you'?" "Hello'?" "Hello'?" "[Rings bell]" "["Out of service" signal]" "Hello'?" "Is anybody here'?" "I've come for breakfast!" "Hello'?" "Ugh!" "Messy pigs" "♪ [Tense music] ♪" "[Stove gas hissing]" "[Roar] [Scream]" "'Tug '13s'" " What are you doing'?" " I got bored of waiting." "Nobody's here." "Something's wrong." "Nothing's wrong." "Look, sausages!" "Are you sure those were just sleeping tablets'?" "'Cause I'm very confused right now." "Calm down, we're just running late." "What'?" "Tthe entire hotel'?" "There must have been a fire alarm or something." "They've evacuated the place without us." "What if this is it?" "What if it's the big one'?" "A zombie attack!" "Oh, god, what if this is zombies'?" "'Cause even though I love zombies," "I also really hate zombies." "Ridiculous." "There's got to be a logical explanation." "Vampires!" "That would be logical!" "It's daylight now - they'll all be asleep!" "It's not vampires..." "You don't think it could be " "Don't say "gryphons"." "It could be gryphons... or a gas leak." "Which is the most likely'?" "Gryphons." "[Elevator dings]" "Let's look outside." "Right, we've got to get back here for 2:00." "I'm not missing Xena, not like we did in Leicester." "STEPHEN:" "Come on!" "Careful!" "I haven't been to the toilet yet!" "[Eerie wind blowing]" "Stephen..." "I'm starting to think... somethings wrong." "[Eerie wind blowing]" "Hello!" "[Echoes]" "[Eerie wind blowing]" "It isn't just me." "New York should be busy, right'?" "Hello!" "[Eerie wind blowing]" "This is like "I Am Legend"!" "Hey, maybe we'll meet Will Smith!" "I'd ask him why he made "After Earth"." "[Police radio static]" "[Combined static noise]" "Okay, I'm bored of walking now." "Yes!" "This is mental!" "I know!" "Who has a burger without catsup'?" "This is the city that never sleeps!" "Well, they all finally went to bed." "Must be exhausted." "[G as p]" "There's a big slug in this burger, Ben!" "Mine's alright." "I hate slugs, Ben." "I hate them!" "So we're not the only ones..." " What do you mean'?" " There's slugs as well." "We're not, like, completely alone!" "Oh, my God!" "What if it's just us and loads of slugs'?" " Loads of slugs'?" " Yeah!" "And there's a giant queen slug, and it's like a battle for Earth, just us versus the slugs and " "Oh, there's ants there, as well." "Forget the ants!" "The people!" "Where are the people'?" "STEPHEN:" "I've still got a signal." "It must be on the news." "It doesn't say anything!" " Who are you calling'?" " Who do you think'?" "Terry." " Terry'?" " Yeah, Terry, who I play football with." "Why would I call him'?" "He runs the pub quiz on Thursdays." "He knows pretty much everything." "I'm calling 911, Ben." "There's nothing!" "You calling Terry'?" "I'm calling my mum." " Have you got Terry's number'?" " I'm not calling Terry!" " You call Terry." " No way!" "It'll cost a fortune!" "Nobody's picking UP" "Who are you calling'?" "Terry." "Hi, Terry." "Alright, mate'?" "It's Ben. l-low you doin"?" "Anyway, when you get this message, give me a shout." "It's about New York." "Alright, bye." "He's not there." "There's got to be somebody..." "Okay, none of my family are picking up." "I can't believe how tall these buildings are!" "[Loud, mysterious droning sound]" "BEN:" "I'd look too, but I've got height-o-phobia." "STEPHEN:" "What'?" "Height-0-phobia - the disease where you're scared of heights!" "Anything'?" "Everybody is gone!" " Oh my God!" " What?" "The Statue of Liberty!" "I didn't know that was in New York." "STEPHEN:" "You're an idiot." "There's nothing on the news, or the BBC, CNN..." "Nothing!" "BEN:" "It can't be that bad, then." "STEPHEN:" "Wait a second..." "These websites haven't been updated in hours - none of them!" "It's like there hasn't been any news since seven this morning." "This is insane!" "[Ben opens can of pop]" "What are you doing'?" "That's someone's lunch!" "What's the problem'?" "There's nobody here." "We can't start looting!" "[Mysterious thudding from other room]" "Who's there'?" "[Whispering] Who's there'?" "[Mysterious thudding from other room]" "[Vacuum cleaner running, shuts off]" "I'm getting cold." "Yeah, we should have brought our coats." "Can't we just borrow some new ones'?" "It wouldn't hurt, would it'?" "Just a couple of coats'?" "Guess a couple of coats wouldn't hurt..." "As long as it's just a couple of coats." "♪ [Funky fashion music] ♪" "[Record scratch]" "STEPHEN:" "We should've put masks on." "We've just stolen a load of stuff, Ben." "It's against the law!" "You want some ham'?" "They just don't evacuate the city of all the people." "Yeah, why'?" "They must be expecting something to happen - something bad..." "'HGFVPhOns!" "' GrVPhons!"" "This could be a nuclear attack!" "Let's get our things and get out of here." "Where are we going'?" "We're going to the airport." "The airport'?" "I want to see the Golden Gate Bridge!" "We're in New York!" "Did you even go to school'?" "Yeah, you sat next to me in geography..." "I got an "E"." ""E" for excellent!" "[Static noises]" "Why do we have to go to the airport'?" "We're in New York!" "I want to see the Nicks score a home run." ""The Nicks?" There's not even a Nick." "You're not staying." "This place is really messed up." "I'd feel a lot safer if I had a gun." "You having a gun does not make me feel safe." "I had the highest score in House of the Dead." "You'd end up shooting me " "[Cell phone vibrating]" "Yes, hello'?" "Hello'?" "MESSAGE." Have you been injured at Work, at home, or even just walking around outside?" "Then you may be entitled to a free insurance claim!" "If you would like more information, please say Wes", and one of our operators will call you back." "Yes, please call me back." "I'd like more information!" "I never thought I'd be pleased to get a sales call..." "Hey, vve could light a fire!" "We could do smoke signals, get a message out to someone." "Oh, cool." "So we are staying?" "No... but we are sending a message." "Okay, just leave it to me." "Can't I say anything'?" "Just be natural." "Actually, don't be natural." "Well, I want to say stuff." "What stuff are you going to say'?" "I'll explain what's happened and ask people to contact us." "Just leave it to me." "All right." "[Chewing]" "This is an SOS." "We don't know what's happened, but everybody's disappeared." "There are no people, no police, there's nobody." "If anyone can see this message, please get in touch..." "Will you stop eating that ham'?" "!" "[loud crash from outside]" " What's that'?" " Shh!" "[Muffled voice] Mm!" " Maybe it's the police'?" " Mm!" "We should investigate." "What do you think'?" "[Mouth full] Mm!" "BEN:" "Maybe it's another Hoover." "Hello'?" "Do you think we're in the Matrix, and there are, like, robots using us as batteries'?" "Humans would be terrible batteries." "Yeah, you're right..." "They would have been better off using actual batteries!" "That'll be locked." "You don't know that." "It's locked." "Do you know that convention we went to in Germany," " we got talking to that ewok'?" " Oh, yeah." "I saw him in the toilets, actually." "He had an enormous - [Shout]" "It's not locked." "Hello'?" "It's Ben and Stephen..." "It's like they just vanished." "There was a woman staying here." " L-low can you tell'?" " I just can and there's a pair of high heels there." "Just my luck!" "I barge into a woman's hotel room and she's been kidnapped by aliens!" "Aliens now, is it'?" "BEN:" "Yeah, I reckon it's aliens." "They'll be asleep underground like those ones in War of the Worlds." "That's ridiculous." "I've always said - the War of the Worlds'?" "Metal detectors!" "They'd be discovered right away!" "There's nothing of any use in here." "BOTH:" "Whoa!" "No, Ben, this!" "It's a taser." "Oh, yeah, cool." "STEPHEN:" "I have no idea how you use a taser." "I think you just point and shoot." "[Shower noise]" "She's in the shower!" "What if there's a hot, naked blonde in the shower'?" "I can't hear anyone." "What if she's dead'?" "What if there's a hot, naked blonde dead in the shower'?" "Hello'?" "Are you a naked woman'?" "Just point and shoot, yeah'?" " Let me do it." " No, you'll shoot me!" "[Shower running]" "STEPHEN:" "Open the curtain." "BEN:" "One, two..." "Don't shoot me Three!" "[Shriek] [Taser shot, sparks]" "I'm not using that again..." "I told you you should let me do it." " Let's search the other rooms." " Yeah..." " You take this corridor." " Fine." " I'll take the next." " Sure." " Let's meet back in ten." " Okay..." "Let's not waste any time." " I'll start from room 50 onwards!" " Yeah, go for it." "Whoa!" "Oh, finally!" "You part of the convention'?" "[G rovvling]" "[Roar]" "[Screaming]" "BEN:" "You like what you see'?" "You like that'?" "Yeah, that's right..." "You want to see what's down here'?" "Yeah'?" "Yeah'?" "Oh, yeah, that's good..." "[Stephen shrieking outside]" "Run, Ben!" "Get our effects and run!" "[Ben repeatedly whispers "I'm not scared."]" "U I q" "[Elevator ding]" "[Monster roaring]" "[Roar]" "[Scream]" "U I q" "[Terrified panting]" "Hold the door!" "Hold the door!" "Which buttons open the doors'?" "!" "Open the doors!" "Open the doors!" "[Roar]" " Close the doors!" " I'll push all of them!" "Close the doors!" "[Roaring]" "[Elevator doors slam closed]" "♪ [Elevator music] ♪" "[Ben panting]" "Stephen'?" "Yes, Ben'?" "Was he part of the convention'?" "I don't think so, no." "'Cause as monsters go, he was very realistic." "He was." "He really was." "I'd take a throw at saying he was an actual monster." "I thought you said this was a three-star hotel!" "They shouldn't have monsters in a three-star hotel." "We should leave a comment on their website." "Ben?" "Yes, Stephen'?" "What are you wearing'?" "Wait, wait!" "We're not stopping." "We need to get out of here!" " Five minutes." " What for'?" "I really need to use the toilet." "[doorbell chiming]" "Please call me as soon as you get this message." "Miss you." "Bye." "There's a whole suite in that toilet." "Here, use this." "So...about that blue monster." "I've been thinking..." "What was it'?" "I've no idea." "I don't intend to wait for it to find us." "That's it, then'?" "A blue monster's escaped from a lab and it's on the loose." "Simple!" "That doesn't explain where everyone is." "Now, get as many supplies as you can." "What if the airport's not open'?" "What if there's no one there, either'?" "[Doorbell chiming]" " This is why we need guns!" " Shh!" "BEN:" "No way!" "Buy two bags of popcorn, get one free'?" "STEPHEN:" "Shut up!" "[Rattling noises]" "Ben, just stay quiet." "BEN:" "Okay." "Hello'?" "Oh, hello there." "I just came in to get my dinner." "Would you like to join me'?" "Come on in." "STEPHEN:" "That's an interesting smell." "BEN:" "It smells like mushrooms." "MAN:" "Thank you very much." "BEN:" "So, do you live here alone'?" "MAN:" "Oh, no." "There's a rat." "What, like a pet rat'?" "No." "At least there aren't any slugs." "Yeah, the rat probably ate them." "Come on in." "I'll put some coffee on." "There..." "Got some nice coffee for you." "Thank you very much." "It's really good to see another human." "We thought everybody had disappeared." "So, what do you know'?" "Well, let's see..." "I'm pretty good at crosswords." "I read a book once..." "You ever read a book'?" "BEN:" "Yeah, Batman." "No, I mean, what can you tell us about what happened'?" "Where is everyone'?" "Oh, that. [Chuckle] That's easy." "Cookie'?" " What brand of cookies are they'?" " Shut up." "So, where is everyone'?" "Well, it's the government." "It's always the government." "UFOs'?" "Government." "Mind-control'?" "Government." "People going missing'?" "Government." "So you're saying the government has evacuated everybody'?" "I knew it!" "Not evacuated..." "Kidnapped." "Turned them all into slaves." "That doesn't make sense." "Besides, we just got chased by, like, a blue monster." "What was that'?" "A what'?" "I saw this thing..." "Like a blue man-ster." " "Man-star"?" " Ah'?" "You just said "man-ster."" "No, I didn't." "I saw a blau man-ster." "Monster." "Excuse me." "Where's your bathroom'?" "Down the hallway on the left." "Okay." "I've got a funny tummy..." "So let me get this straight..." "You think the govelly nut's kidnapped every bobby." "I don't get it." "Yeah, something like that... ♪ [Creepy music] ♪" "[Fly buzzing]" "[Creaking noises]" "♪ [Creepy music] ♪" "[Creaking noise]" "♪ [Creepy music] ♪" "What'?" "A pair of legs!" "They can't make everyone into slugs, or where would they put everybody'?" "You don't need to worry about that." "But how am I going to get home'?" "I'm going to try one of these biscuits." "[Distorted echo] Biscuits..." "I've got ten hands!" "My flink-ers are blurry." "Ben thinks it's gryphons." "Everything's fine." "I think you should drink your coffee, as well." "It'll make you feel... nice." "[Makes slurping noise] Mm, delicious!" "Go on." "Let's have a cooie." "No, thanks." "I don't want one." "Don't eat it!" "It's an ear!" "[Distorted] It's an ear!" "It's a who'?" "It's an ear." "Heh, good cookies, ears." "Chewy." "Just thinking of making a fresh batch." "[Burning sound] [Man screams in pain]" "My legs..." "Come on, get up!" "I've become a jelly man." "Come on!" "Ajelly man..." "Stand up!" "He's trying to kill us!" "Come on, we've got to run!" "Actually, cancel the run." "We can just walk." "He's really old." "Get off!" "I've taken up cabinets..." "Get off!" "Here vve go!" "[Roaring]" "We have to go!" "[G rovvling]" "[Roaring]" "STEPHEN:" "This is a funny dream." "BEN:" "This is not a dream!" "[G rovvling]" "['Skyfall' playing on laptop]" "What happened'?" "Well, James Bond got shot and then he fell off a bridge." "But then it turns out he's alive and he got into a lady's shower without asking, and he took an old lady to the farm where he grew up." "It's a bit far-fetched." "No, what happened to that old man'?" "Oh, he tried to eat us and then the blue monster killed him." "He tried to eat us'?" "What is happening'?" "We've barely been here a day, we get chased by a blue monster and an old man tries to eat us!" "Well, you don't seem that bothered." "I'm fine." "We need to get out of here." "Yeah, I've been thinking about that." "I think we should stay here." "We should hide and wait for help to come." "Ben, I want to go home." "I want to see my family again." "We don't know if this is happening just in New York or everywhere." "We've got to find out!" "I'm not going outside." "There's that blue monster." "You sure you're all right'?" "I don't want to die!" "We get to the airport, we fly home." "What if there's a blue monster there, or another old man trying to eat us'?" "What if the planes are being flown by blue monsters and all the passengers are old men who want to eat us'?" "We could check..." "Webcams!" "We can see all over the world." "Look!" "Loads of them still working." ""JFK Airport..." "New York."" "That's near us, right'?" "There's nobody there." "Look." "BEN:" "It's normally quite busy." "STEPHEN:" "Nobody..." "There's nobody there." "What about Tokyo'?" "I heard there's loads of people in Tokyo." "STEPHEN:" "Not any more." "What about Alaska?" "Alaska?" "Who cares about Alaska?" "Look" " Every major city in the world, abandoned!" "What the hell'?" "What the hell is going on'?" "So maybe those guys were right." " What guys'?" " The ones on YouTube." " The ones who've left us a message." " What message'?" "When did they leave this'?" "A couple of hours ago." "You were asleep." " Why didn't you vvake me up'?" " I was watching Skyfall." "Just play it!" "BEN:" "Ugh!" "Stupid geeks..." "Hi." "Pm Jack." "This is Dwayne." "We've seen your message and we're letting you know that you're not alone." "We've got a good idea of What's happened." "Come with us if you Want to live." "No!" "You don't have to say that." "H makes H sound more important." "No, it doesn't." "It's just a line from The Terminator." "As far as we know, most people on Earth have disappeared." "We're in Toronto." "We'll post the address below." "Come and join us." "We know the answers." " Come with us if you Want" " Stop saying that!" "They're idiots." "It's not "come with us if you want to live."" "it"s "come with me if you want to live."" "Canada..." "What was that'?" "BEN:" "The power's gone!" "Great. l-low am I going to find out if James Bond lives'?" "[Toilet flushing]" "Give that ten minutes..." "Well, we're leaving in three." "Look, the power's back on." "Has your phone got a signal'?" " No." " Nor mine." " Know what this means'?" " We can't watch pornography'?" "Something's happened to the sat navs." "Sat navs'?" "L-low are we going to drive up to Canada?" "We'll have to use this." "Oh, you are joking." "No one uses maps any more!" "There's nowhere to put in the post code!" "Use that at all the sign posts." "You'll figure it out." "Besides, you'll have to." "I'm driving." "We're going to get a Ferrari, right'?" "I don't want a shit car." "We can get any car we want." "Any car that has the keys in them." "Yeah, and I'll make sure it's a Ferrari." "If it has the keys, yes." "Who needs keys'?" "We'll just hotwire it." "Do you know how to hotwire a car'?" "I don't." " I still think it's gryphons." " Gryphons again'?" " Why is it gryphons'?" " Gryphons eat people." "Maybe while we were asleep, the gryphons all came back from the past" " and they've eaten everybody." " Sure, Ben, sure." "Do you think Xena vanished'?" "I wonder if she's okay." "She should be." "She's Xena!" "If she can't survive, there's no hope for any of us." "Wish it was just me and her left alive." "She'd never go out with you, no of fence." "She would if I was the last man on Earth." "In fact, any woman we meet is going to want to have sex with us." " Like A Boy and His Dog." " A Boy and His Dog'?" "Yeah, the film with Don Johnson." "All the women wanted to have sex with Don Johnson because he was the last fertile man left on Earth." "And because he was Don Johnson." "Besides, how do you know Xena wouldn't prefer me'?" "Yeah, right!" "Once Xena sees me and my Ferrari, she'll be all over me." "Maybe she will." "Look what I found..." "Ferrari!" "U I q" "[Car struggling to function]" "BEN:" "This car is not a Ferrari." "It's not my fault they put the logo on the keys." "Stupid car!" "It got us lost!" "No, you got us lost." "Told you I can't read maps!" "I think a gryphon changed all the sign posts." "Shut up about gryphons!" "Just take a break." "We have to - the stupid car's run out of gas!" "Yeah, Ben." "Look where we are - a gas station!" "We'll be fine." "Where are you going'?" "Where do you think'?" " Toilet'?" " Yes!" "Guess there's someone in there..." "Hello'?" "I'm warning you, if there's a blue monster in there, you better not have used all the toilet paper..." "Ugh!" "Someone forgot to flush." "Dirty bastard!" "Oh, come on!" "What's the matter with you'?" "Hey!" "I think this needs to be turned on inside." " Huh?" " These pumps aren't working." "It needs to be turned on from inside." "Can you sort it out'?" "I really think we should get some guns." "What if there's another old man who wants to eat us'?" "We've been driving for five hours straight." "Haven't seen a single person." "Exactly!" "And that's why I'd feel a lot safer if we had some guns." "Can you get me some chewing gum'?" "And get some deodorant." "You stink." "[Ben sniffs himself]" "I'll show you who stinks..." "Get your own chewing gum." "[Unseen, heavy breathing]" "U I q" "[Woman screams]" "[Ben screams]" "Stephen!" "Stephen!" "[Ben and woman screaming]" "[Woman growling]" "[Stephen shrieks]" "[Woman screaming]" "[Stephen shrieking]" "[Ben opens can of pop]" "[Stephen shrieking] [Woman growling]" "[Stephen screaming]" "Let's get to the car!" "There's no petrol in the car!" "Where'd she go'?" "The back door!" "Get the door!" "Open the door!" "Open the door!" "[Ben screaming]" "[Woman growling]" "U I q" "Get the back door!" "[Woman growling]" "Oh, my God..." "I know!" "She's quite cute." "[Woman grunting and snarling]" "Who are you'?" "[Scream] Kill!" " That's a funny name." " Kill!" "Have you seen anyone else'?" "Are there any other survivors'?" "Kill!" "What about the blue monster'?" "Have you seen a blue monster'?" "This is pointless." "She's clearly crazy." "We're just not asking her the right questions." "Are we the last men left alive on Earth, and if so, are you part of a colony of women'?" "STEPHEN:" "I can't take much more of this." "Where do you think she came from'?" "She's in a straitjacket, so I'd say an asylum." "What's she doing working in a gas station'?" "Well, she's not, is she'?" "She probably just found it like we did." "I don't know." "There's something about her..." "Yeah, she's insane." "Look, there's blood on her face." " Whose blood is that'?" " Kill!" " Could be her blood." " Or the blood of somebody she's killed." " Kill!" " Yeah, see'?" "I'd say that's a clue." "Right." "Let's pull up the car and get going." "We can't just leave her here." "No, we can and we are." "Get any supplies you want." "Seriously, get some deodorant." " I'm a bit smelly." " Kill!" "Don't think she minds!" "Oh, for God's sake!" "Yes, my name is Ben." "Can you say that'?" "Kill!" "Nearly..." "No, it's Ben." "Buh-enn." "Kill..." "Ben!" "Good, that's really good!" "Hey, she can talk." "Great." "Ask her why she was in an asylum." "Kill, why were you in an asylum'?" "["Kill" hisses and grunts]" "Kill!" "Yeah, I reckon she killed someone." "I still can't get a phone signal and there's still no TV reception." "I'm not that worried about that." "Have they got Netflix'?" "Everything's so messed up..." "Nobody's in control!" "L-low do we get in touch with anybody'?" "Kill, how to we get in touch with anybody'?" "Anybody!" "Cool!" "She's doing really good." "That's excellent." "It really is." "But she's definitely staying here." "No, she's not." "She's fine." "She's not fine." "She attacked us!" "I think she's starting to like me." "It's just been ages since you've spoken to a girl." "You can't talk." "You never speak to girls!" "Ben, I had a girlfriend." "Marjorie Jenkins, remember'?" "That was seven years ago!" "Seven years ago'?" "It was six years ago." "Listen, don't screw this up for me." "You don't have to whisper - she's mad." "Don't ruin my chances." "She's really fit." " She's in a straitjacket!" " Not totally!" "One of these days we're going to have to repopulate the entire human race." "I am not repopulating it with you!" "Kill!" "Kill, calm down." "You're scaring her." "She's scaring me!" "[TV static]" "What was that'?" "Kill, wait here." "[TV static and beeping]" "Oh, finally!" "Something on TV." "It's not one of those Danish crime shows, is it'?" "So boring." "Remember that episode of Borgen we watched?" "I don't think it's a show..." "I don't know what it is." "BEN:" "It looks better than Borgen." "U I q" "Friend." "I'm your friend." "Fren!" "No, there's a "D" on the end. "Friend."" " Fren!" " Hey, all right!" "Have it your way." "I'm your fren." "This is such a bad idea." "We're trying to stay alive, and you just lowered the chances of us staying alive... by a lot." "She's learning!" "Look - "Stephen."" "He is Stephen." "Stephen-nee." " She called you Stephanie!" " Cool." "Hey, she's getting a lot friendlier." "Kill, say "nice to meet you, Stephen."" "Chop off your head!" "U I q" "BEN:" "What's this place again'?" "STEPHEN:" "Niagara Falls." "BEN:" "It's flooded." "STEPHEN:" "Who are you going to show that to'?" "U I q" "[Ben yawns] I had a nice sleep." "Good for you." "You should get some rest, too." "You've been driving for hours." "Well, this is it..." "Canada looks the same as America." "I just hope they're normal." "I mean, they contacted us, so they must be friendly, right'?" "Mm..." "We thought that old man was friendly, and he made biscuits out of ears." "[KW growls]" "Yeah, maybe she should wait in the car." "She's not exactly a great houseguest." "Yes, she is." "Now, Kill, what do we say when we meet new people?" " "Hello?"" " Hello." " "Pleased to meet you."" " I kill everybody!" "Yeah, maybe you'd better stay here." "BEN:" "Now, you stay there, Kill." "Play with your chains or something." "[Kill grunting and barking]" "[Knocking]" "Guess nobody's home." "[Window slides open]" "Well, I think you're wrong." "I think someone is home." "[Door locks being unlocked]" " Arms'?" " Yeah, we've got arms!" "No, we don't have arms." "JACK:" "Glad you guys made it." "You're not crazy, are you'?" "It's just that some of the people we've met lately have been very crazy." "[Kill barking madly] Who's that'?" "[Kill barking madly]" "That's one of them." "She a little...temperamental." "Want to come in'?" "We've got an XBox." "[Kill shouting and growling]" "♪ [Elevator music] ♪" "So you don't remember anything about that night'?" "Nothing at all'?" "No." "We woke up and everyone had gone." "Yeah, and we missed Xena, Warrior Princess." "So you didn't see this'?" "I went out for a run, must have passed out, and when I came to, there were those lights." "I passed out, too." "I was in a bath tub." "Oh, that happens to me sometimes." "It's usually because the water's too hot." "My water wasn't too hot- it was just right!" "It's out belief that whatever's happened has something to do with those lights." "And then there's this guy..." "I've seen this!" "It's a transmission of some kind." "It's been playing on different channels at random times." "STEPHEN:" "What do you think it is'?" "We've got a theory..." "So have we - gryphons!" "No, we don't think it's gryphons." " It's aliens!" " Oh, I think it's aliens!" "We believe the human race has been kidnapped." "Like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but for some reason they didn't take everyone." " Well, that's where you're wrong." " Hm'?" "Invasion of the Body Snatchers!" "The humans weren't kidnapped." "They were replaced - by pod people!" "Duh!" "JACK:" "Whatever!" "And you've seen no one else'?" "No one at all'?" "We were in touch with a few people around the world after the event, but since the net went down we haven't been able to reach them." "So why wouldn't the aliens take us'?" "That part we don't know." "BEN:" "Hang on..." "You said in your message that you had all the answers, but you haven't got all the answers!" "We're trying to help you!" "We've got a few of the answers." "If you said you had only a few of the answers, we wouldn't have bothered driving all the way down here!" "Ben!" "What about this film'?" "Who is that'?" "We're not sure, but we've got a good idea where it is." "That tower'?" "It's about an hour away." "DWAYNE:" "At first we thought the video was some kind of curse." "You watch it and die, that sort of thing - like Saw." "You mean The Ring." "Anyway, we've seen something, too, and it beats that video." "Oh, yeah'?" "What'?" "A blue monster." "We call it "the Blue Monster"." "[Scoffs] Good name!" "BEN:" "It is, actually." "What is it'?" "It's like a big, sort of mutant." "We saw it in New York and it attacked us." "Maybe it's one of them - one of the aliens." "Perhaps that's it - they're hunting us, like Predator." "Pity Schwarzenegger's not around..." "Yeah, or Danny Glover." "What, like in Predator 2'?" "I don't think so." "Ben, why don't you go check on Kill'?" "Don't you tell me what to do!" "I'm going to check on Kill..." "We need to go to this tower." "We'll come with you!" "I suppose you can come..." "Kill's gone missing!" "We have to find her!" " Is she dangerous'?" " Yes." "No!" "She's not dangerous, she's just... misunderstood." "God, what if she's been kidnapped'?" "She's just run off." "She's insane!" "She's not insane." "She wouldn't leave me like that." "I'm not walking around looking for some crazy girl." "We have to find her." "We can't just leave her!" "Ben, you're being ridiculous." "Let her go!" "She's mental." "If you won't help me, I'll just go on my own!" "Oh sure, like you can take care of yourself." " Shut your mouth!" " Okay!" "I've got an idea..." "This cap is itchy." "This is perfect!" "That camera can see twice as far as you can and can spot any trouble before you're near H." "Well, I think you're all cowards." "You want to look for your crazy girlfriend?" "You're on your own!" "What did he say'?" "Nothing." "He said, "Good luck!"" "Okay, come on, let's go." "Kill?" "Kill!" "STEPHEN"." "We could be here for hours, Ben." "You do know that, right'?" "I don't care." "I want to find Kill." " I'm sure she Wants to find you as Well." " She does!" "U I q" "Wait, where are you going'?" "[Scream]" "BEN:" "What?" "What's Wrong?" "What's wrong is the blue monster!" "What are you talking about?" "There's nobody here." "It's right in front of you!" "I'm looking at it on the screen!" "The blue monster is " "Ben, did you turn your cap around'?" "[Monster growling]" "[Ben screaming]" "Rum!" "[Stephen and Ben screaming]" "[Monster roaring]" "BEN:" "Where am I going?" "Run northeast, Ben!" "Northeast!" "Forward, backward, left or right'?" "Just run!" "Run as fast as you can!" "I am running as fast as I can!" "Is that the blue monster'?" "I can't see!" "Tell him to stand still!" "I don't know where I'm going!" "Just get back here!" "Run!" "He can't lead that back here!" "Yeah, tell him to shake it off." "[Monster roaring]" "Ben, you need to shake off the blue monster." "BEN"." "Shake him off?" "l-low exactly do you expect me to shake him " "Ovv!" "What's happening'?" "BEN:" "Fm just failing over some bins." "STEPHEN"." "He's just falling over some bins." "BEN:" "Now Fm just rolling down a hill..." "He says he's just rolling down a hill." "Where's the blue monster?" "I've lost him." "STEPHEN"." "He says he's lost him." "Where did it go'?" "Does it just disappear'?" "No, it's normally pretty vicious." "H likes attacking people." "Ben, get back here!" "That's not a good idea." "We can't just leave him outside!" "He wanted to go in the first place." "He's put us in danger now!" "Are you sure he's lost the monster'?" "Yeah..." "Of course he has." "And he'll be stealthily making his Way back right now." "Password'?" ""Waffles."" "JACK:" "What happened'?" "I outran it." "There's no way you can outrun that thing!" "You told me to run as fast as I could, and that's what I did." "It's obviously faster than the blue monster can run." "He let you get away!" ""Not this ship, sister."" "I know that one - Empire Strikes Back!" "Star Wars, actually." " We shouldn't have answered your SOS!" " Dwayne!" "It's true!" "He led that thing right to us!" "If you've got a problem with me, you should just come out and say it." "Okay, I've got a problem with you." " Yeah, what problem'?" " You're a big, hairy dick!" "Yeah, well, you'd know." "Okay, calm down." "Nothing's happened, alright?" " Nobody's got hurt." " What about Kill'?" "L-low do you know she hasn't been hurt'?" " Go look for her again!" " I will!" " Ben, shut up." " You shut up." " No, you shut up!" " You can shut up!" "Everybody shut up!" "We need to work out what to do." "I've already worked out what to do." "We stay here and make sure that monster, whatever it is, doesn't get in." "Staying put isn't going to get us anywhere." "Yeah, that's the idea." "Why don't you go and shove " "Let's get going!" "We can all fit in the car." " What about Kill'?" " Screw Kill!" " I'll screw you in a minute." " I'd like to see you try!" "Shut up." "Okay, we need to find this beacon... and we'll look for your friend along the way." "BEN:" "Wait." "You guys need to know something." "It's not good." "What is it'?" "I trod in some dog shit outside and I think I got some on your stairs." "Where's Jack and Dwayne?" "They're just getting their coats... and I think Jack wanted to clear up that dog shit." "At least we've got some company now." "Safety in numbers!" "[Roaring]" "STEPHEN:" "He's going into the house!" "BEN:" "He trod in that dog shit!" "[Roaring] [Jack and Dwayne screaming]" "[Gruesome killing noises]" "Is that Dwayne's arm'?" "I think so..." "And is that Dwayne's foot'?" "I guess." "This does not look good..." "Let's get the hell out of here!" "[Tires screech]" "Slow down, we might miss her." "That blue monster's here!" "We're not slowing down." "He's not fast - I outran him." "We got them killed!" "They were trying to help us and we got them killed!" " It's not our fault." " It is our fault!" "L-low did the blue monster even find us'?" "We've been driving for ages and he just turns up out of the... blue'?" "Maybe he can teleport, or, I don't know, he can jump really far like the Hulk." "Maybe there's more than one." "More than one'?" "You think'?" "I'm worried about Kill." "She can handle herself." "I'm sure we'll run into her." "[Tires screech]" "Kill?" "[Laboured breathing]" "Frenn...'?" "[Growls, squishing noises]" "BEN:" "This place looks alright." "Let's stop here." "I've always wanted to break into a house." "We're not breaking in..." "We're just slowly getting inside." "Hello'?" "[Grunt] Obviously it's called "breaking"" "because you have to actually break something, otherwise " "[Flower pot shatters]" "Okay, well, it looks safe..." "Ben, don't you think Kill should be, you know... restrained'?" "No, she totally trusts us since you hit her with the car." "[TV static]" "STEPHEN:" "There's still nothing on." "BEN:" "Do you think they've got some DVDs'?" "STEPHEN:" "This house is really nice." "Why can't I live in a nice house'?" "BEN:" "Because you work in a post office'?" "[Clock ticking]" "At least it's still got power." " Huh?" " I said at least we've still got power!" "Look at this..." "My mum doesn't have any pictures of me up in her house." "BEN:" "That's 'cause she hates you!" "[Clock ticking]" "All these books..." "Nobody's ever going to read them." "BEN:" "Oh, my God!" " What'?" "!" "Oh, my God!" "♪ [Suspenseful music] ♪" "What is it'?" " Ice cream!" "l-low amazing is that'?" " Ice cream!" "Yeah, that's right, Kill, ice cream!" "Chocolate and marshmallow." "Sorry, do you want some'?" "Yeah." "Can you put it in a bowl'?" "Oh, is the internet working'?" "I haven't checked my email in ages!" "I bet I've got loads of junk." "No, it's still down." "I guess on the plus side, I don't have to keep updating iTunes." "If everything's shutting dovvn, we're going to get more blackouts." "Sooner or later, it'll go out completely." "[Kill chewing cabbage]" "[TV static and buzzing]" "Kill, are you sure you don't want ice cream instead of cabbage'?" "[KW growls]" "No'?" "Enjoy your cabbage..." "[TV static and buzzing]" "We need to find this place." "BEN:" "Could be anywhere." "STEPHEN:" "Those guys thought it was close." "This is a nice house." "You know what'?" "I fancy a lie down in a nice bed." "All snuggled up." "Kill, do you fancy a lie down in a nice bed'?" "KILL:" "Nice beds!" "Please!" "You're not going to bed together, not while I'm here." "Plus you should take a bath." "You smell like a badger." "Okay..." "Kill, let's go and have a bath, hmm'?" " No!" " You suggested it!" "Whatever." "I've got more important things to think about." "They seemed to think that tower was here..." "Come on, let's have a bath." "Oh, if a witch comes crawling out of the TV, you'll let me know, yeah'?" "Sure, sure..." "[TV static and buzzing]" "Who are you'?" "[TV static and buzzing]" "♪ [Ben whistling a tune] ♪" "So..." "I guess we better get undressed." "[KW grunts]" "I'll tell you what - I'll go first." " Fat man!" " Pardon'?" "Fat man in the bath!" "Yeah, you're doing really well." "BEN:" "Hiya." "Hi." "Hang on - what'?" "!" "Oh, we took a bath." " Gross!" "KILL:" "Kiss." " I'm sorry...'?" " Kiss Kill!" " You kissed Kill'?" " It just sort of happened..." "And you put her in that dress'?" "That just sort of happened, too." "Cool..." "Oh, and it's not "Kill" anymore." "I thought she needed a nicer name, so she's called Killie." "Killie!" "Great..." "So from now on, you have to call her Killie." ""Killie," got it." "So we check around these areas, we find that beacon, search around..." "That building's got to be close." "Yeah, about that..." "We want to stay here." "What do you mean'?" "Well, this is a really nice house and they've got loads of DVDs." " We want to watch Ratatouille." " Ratatouille!" "We can't stay here!" "Why not?" "Because it's not our house, it's not out home, and we need to get home." "But we can make it our home!" "Put some pictures up, take the bins out..." "There's some good clothes upstairs." "The guy's the same size as me." " Fat man!" " Yeah, alright, Killie." "Are you mad'?" "We can't live here." "It's safer here than it is out there, and you don't know what that man is, or what those messages are all about." "I mean, that beacon - it might be a trap." "He might want to kill us!" "Ben, we're miles from home!" "And as far as we know, the entire population has vanished." "Do we just sit here, have hot baths, and watch DVDs'?" "Yeah, that's exactly what I want!" "Oh, fine." "Yeah, that's just fine." "Stay here, make yourself comfortable, eat some popcorn, and watch Ratatouille." "Fine, I will." "But don't blame me when that blue monster starts hammering " " He won't find us!" " He found us before!" "[Vomiting]" "[Laugh] Why are you " "[Both vomiting and coughing]" "Must be the ice cream!" "Ice cream doesn't make you sick, does it'?" "You took it from the freezer, right'?" "Of course I did!" "[Vomiting and coughing]" "There's been power out." "It would have melted and refrozen." "It must have gone off!" "I'm going to pack up the car and then we are going." "We always have to do what you say." "You always make things worse!" "I make things worse'?" "!" "I'm the only one trying to get us home!" "[Vomiting and coughing]" "No, you're always telling me what to do!" "[Vomiting and coughing]" "I have to, Ben." "You never do anything!" "You never help me find supplies, you never help me fix anything, you never help me work out what the hell is going on!" " What'?" "!" " You know what you are'?" "You're a lazy, selfish idiot." "I need to get to that beacon!" "I am not lazy, lam not selfish, and I'm not an idiot!" "I'm not going to that stupid beacon, and neither is Killie!" "Neither is Killie!" "Killie?" "Killie doesn't care about any of this!" "She doesn't care about us, either." "She might not care about you, but she certainly cares about me." "Sure." "Don't tell me - you're in love with her!" "Well, I will tell you... lam in love with her." "You're in love with her'?" "Yes." "You're in love with a psychopath'?" "She's not a psychopath!" " Why are you being like this'?" " I've never had a girlfriend!" "[Vomiting and coughing]" "Okay..." "Have it your way." "Stay here, get cozy, and watch DVDs." "But when the power goes out and shit starts coming out of the taps, you'll regret it." "Are you finished'?" "Yes." "Then get out of my house!" "[belch]" "Have fun." "KILL:" "Ratatouille!" "I bet you're glad you only had the cabbage, Killie." "[Kill belches]" "U I q" "[Camera click]" "U I q" "♪ [Music from TV] ♪" "Popcorn cake, Killie'?" "Popscorn cake!" "I came up with this recipe in a dream." "When I woke up, I thought," ""imagine baking a cake that's got popcorn in it!"" "I can't bake, so instead," "I just pressed a lot of popcorn into a cake - and it works exactly the same." "Whatcha watchin' now'?" " They've got loads of boxed sets." " Lost!" "I'm not sure about Lost." "There's loads of episodes where nothing really happens." "I guess we could give it a go..." "[TV static and beeping]" "Not that again!" "That's where Stephen's gone." " Stupid idiot..." " Lost!" "Yeah, he will get lost!" "You know what'?" "I don't miss him at all." "I really don't." "I haven't thought about him once since he left." "Stupid Stephen..." "I mean, why would he want to leave all of this'?" "We've got loads of food, loads of DVDs, and we can have a bath whenever we want!" " Do you want another bath, Killie'?" " Lots!" "Yeah, let's have lots of baths!" "Oh, cake!" "So typical..." "I have to find this tower," "I have to work out what's happening, and he sits around on his fat ass." "[Loud droning noise]" "What the hell is this place'?" "[Loud droning noise]" "God!" "I love this bathroom." "It's like they never run out of fresh towels!" "Bubbles!" "Don't you worry, Killie." "I'll make sure there's plenty of bubbles..." "You know what'?" "I think you and I are going to be happy here for the rest of our lives." "[Pipes gurgle]" "KILL:" "Popscorns cake!" "[Pipes clanging]" "Oh, balls..." "[Pipes gurgling]" "GUARDIAN:" "Coffee'?" "No, I've gone off coffee recently." "So, you say you're an alien..." "GUARDIAN:" "lam a Galactic Guardian." "We are a race of people from very far away." "I suppose you could call me an alien, although I find that term a bit offensive." "But an actual alien'?" "From space'?" "What'?" "You expect me to be buried under the ground like in your War of the Worlds'?" "No, that's ridiculous." "I've always said - The War of the Worlds'?" "Metal detectors!" "They'd be discovered right away." "[Guardian gulps coffee]" "See, this car is so much cooler than the one Stephen has." "I can get used to stealing cars." "Check out the radio!" "[Radio static] Well, if there were something actually on the radio, it would be great!" "Lost!" "No, we can't watch Lost right now, Killie..." "We kind of have to find Stephen." " Lost!" " No, Killie, we can't watch Lost!" "We had to leave that house." "There was shit coming out of the taps." " Lost!" " No, no more DVDs for a bit." "We have to find Stephen and his stupid tower." "L-low hard can it be to find a tower'?" "I mean, that's the purpose of towers!" "They're supposed to tower over everything." " Lost!" " Yes, alright, I admit we're lost." "So... where is everybody'?" "The entire human race has been placed in a spaceship orbiting the earth." "Right..." "Cookie'?" "Again, I've gone off those recently." "BEN:" "Hey, that's Stephen's car!" "That's not Stephen..." "That's not Stephen at all!" "Hey, that's my friend's car!" "Where is he'?" "Stay right where you are!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa..." "That is a cool gun." "What's with your funny voice'?" "Oh, I'm English." "Nice to meet you." "No, no, no!" "Don't take another step!" "For all I know, you could be infected." "Infected'?" "No way!" "We just had three baths." "You could be infected and not know it." "You could be turnin' into a zombie in no time!" "Zombies'?" "You really don't know your monsters very well, do you'?" "I know my zombies all right..." "Zombies sound funny." "I told you I'm English!" "[KW growls]" "What's up with you'?" "Kill!" "GUARDIAN:" "Your planet is facing a catastrophic event." "We urgently had to suck all of the human race off Earth and out of harm's way." "So why haven't I been..." "sucked off'?" "Our technology didn't quite have the power to beam everyone up in one go." "I'm here to find any stragglers." "So we're like the bits of dirt left behind after you hoover a carpet'?" "Exactly." "We began by rescuing the humans we thought to be the most important." "We left behind the people we considered to be dangerous, or, um - how can I put this'?" "Stupid." "What, me and Ben'?" "But since then I've been observing the planet and I've come to the conclusion that you and your fat friend also deserve to be saved." "Seriously - you're an alien'?" "Prove it." "[Energy humming]" "Fair enough." "Kill!" "Nothing's wrong, Killie." "We're fine." "Just relax." "Well, she doesn't look fine..." "In fact, she kind of looks like a zombie." "I told you already, we are not zombies." "We just watch DVDs - zombies don't watch DVDs." "Don't move!" "Kill!" "This coffee's quite nice." "I must take some back with me." "If you've come to rescue us, why make us come here'?" "Why not just suck us up again'?" "Our sucking machine is low on power." "I have to manually beam you up from a specific point." "It's a pain in the ass, to be honest." "But you could have just said, "Come here."" "You didn't have to make that weird video." "The video is subliminal." "It gives instruction without you having to think." "I'm rather proud of it, actually - although it would have been better with some music." "What about the blue monster'?" "Is that some galactic race you've been battling for centuries'?" "The blue monsters [chuckles]" " No, Stephanie..." " Uh, Stephen." "They're nothing to worry about." " They just like to chase things." " No, they do more than that." "Honestly, they're harmless." "Besides, you've got bigger things to be worrying about." "We must beam up to the ship before the disaster strikes!" "The disaster being..." "Why, the asteroid, of course." "A giant asteroid is going to strike planet Earth and destroy all life upon it." "Kill!" "Please don't shoot us!" "I see you're Canadian - do you like hockey'?" "I like hockey!" "And I like maple syrup, and... what else does Canada have'?" "Kill!" "[Gunshot]" "BENZ Killie!" "Killed it..." "No!" "Killie..." "[Sobbing]" "MAN:" "Whoa!" "Too slow, big boy!" "[Ben sobbing]" "[Man laughs] I could shoot you down there, you know... like a real pig." "Like a real, fat pig in the dirt!" "[Cackle] You know what's funny'?" "I said, do you know what's funny'?" "!" "No, what'?" "Well..." "It's just that I've been pretty lonely since everybody left." "But having met you two, well," "I've come to realize I much prefer being on my own." "So you're going to let me go'?" "Let you go?" "So you can just creep back in here in the middle of the night and eat me'?" "!" "I told you, I'm not a zombie - and neither was Killie!" "[Sobbing]" "Are you sure about that'?" "'Cause she looked like a zombie." "And you're definitely dumb enough to be one." "Well, you're wrong!" "Really wrong!" "Am I now'?" "Well, pig boy, that's because you do not know what I know..." "That the whole population of the world has turned into zombies, and they've all marched off someplace to prepare to take over..." "Zombie Earth." "That's the stupidest theory!" "Stupid'?" "Who you calling stupid'?" "!" "I'm sorry!" "I meant to say that's an excellent theory!" "Now, I've been wonderin' somethin'..." "Do you know what I've been vvonderin'?" "[Sobbing] Where to go on holiday'?" "I've been wonderin' what you'd look like... without any skin." "[Sharpens blade]" "Without any skin'?" "Well, it's just that I've skinned a lot of animals in my time..." "But a man'?" "I ain't never skinned a man before." "We could just talk." "We could talk about anything you want!" "Have you ever been to England'?" "It's really nice!" "You'd like it there..." "Although the food's not that great." "I'm done talkin'." "Besides, you'd probably be too busy screaming'!" "Come on, big boy!" "Come on!" "No, please don't take my skin off!" "Please don't take my skin off!" "It's alright, little piggy." "It's going to be okay!" "There's going to be a little bit of blood, is all." "[Energy blast]" "Ben!" "Are you all right'?" "What the hell was that'?" "Did he hurt you'?" "Yes, he hurt me..." "And he tried to take off my skin!" "We heard a gunshot." "What are you doing here'?" "We had to leave the house." "There was shit coming out of the taps..." "Now who is he, and how did he shoot a laser out of his hand'?" "This is going to sound weird, but he's an alien." "Okay..." "Killie!" "My warrior princess!" "She was trying to protect me!" "You can shoot lasers out of your hands " "I don't suppose you can bring the dead back to life, can you'?" " Yes." " What?" "I can bring the dead back to life." "This is my death hand, and this is my healing hand." "You have to be kidding me!" "What are you waiting for'?" "[Energy hum]" "Oops, wrong hand." "That could have been embarrassing." "[Energy hum]" "U I q" "Killie, can you hear me'?" "[In regular voice] Ugh, my head hurts." "Oh, your..." "I'm sorry, what'?" "Oh my God, Ben!" "Thank God you're alright!" "What happened'?" "Killie, you sound different." "Stop calling me "Killie"." "My name is Susan." "GUARDIAN:" "Oh, I think I might have healed her a bit too much..." " Oh, Killie - or Susan!" " Oh, please!" "Oh, honey..." "You really stink." "L-low can you smell this bad already'?" "We just had, like, three baths." "I don't get this at all." "Oh, hi." "I'm Susan." "Oh, hello." "I'm Andrew." " Andrew'?" " Yes." " You didn't tell me that!" " I didn't have a chance." "You wanted to know about the world ending." " I'm sorry, what'?" " Yeah, we need to talk..." "Alright, you can start by apologizing." "You called me a lazy, selfish idiot." "Okay, well, I'm sorry I called you that." "Alright, I'm sorry, too." "I guess I've been a bit useless." "And I'm also sorry I called you a lanky, really annoying prick." "Okay..." "Hang on, did you actually call me that'?" "And I'm sorry I tried to kill you and... stuff." "Okay, you are definitely weird." "So we're friends again'?" "Yeah, we're friends." "[Ben gasps]" "What the hell are you doing'?" "But Ben, you're going to turn into a zombie!" "He said so!" "I out it on a branch - while I was saving you from him!" "Oh, right..." "So there probably aren't any zombies." " You dick!" " You're the dick." "Come on, boys, let's go get something to eat." " Good idea, Susan." " Thanks, Andrew!" "I've got plenty of cookies..." "As soon as it is light, we must journey to the control unit." "There I can beam us up to the ship." "Can you fly'?" "No, I cannot fly." "L-low many of those lasers can you fire out of hand'?" "About 28 per year." "[Whispering] He's not that impressive, is he'?" "So you're going to beam us onto the ship before the asteroid hits'?" "Yes, there you will be safe with the others." "What about our friends and family?" "Are they on the ship'?" "Yes." "What about my mate Terry'?" "I'm not sure that I've met Terry, but probably." "Cool." "I've been trying to call him." "But what about Earth'?" "It's just going to be destroyed'?" "No, not completely, although it will be uninhabitable for several million years." "We will place you in cryogenic sleep along with the rest of the human race, and then place you back on Earth once the radioactive fallout from the asteroid has subsided." "This is too weird." "I just don't believe it." "An asteroid hitting Earth, wiping everything off it!" "You don't have to just believe it - you can see it." "[Rumbling noise in distance]" "Oh God!" "BEN:" "I'll have to get a photo of that." "U I q" "[Coyote howls]" "[Snake rattles]" "[Barren desert sounds]" "ANDREW:" "It's quite a long walk, I'm afraid." "I guess I should have learned to drive." "Still, nice day for it." "We are almost there." "BEN:" "Wait for us, Susan!" "You guys are so slow." "I think I preferred her when she couldn't speak." "I think she's great." "I'm probably going to ask her to marry me." "Do you want to be my best man'?" "Tell you what... l-low about we beam up onto this spaceship first'?" "Actually, I might ask Terry." "ANDREW:" "We must continue." "We are almost there." "BEN:" "You said that two hours ago!" "ANDREW:" "Here it is." "This is actually the new Teleporter 6-8." "It's got more memory, apparently, and I think it's slightly faster." "That is one big-ass asteroid!" "I'm glad I remembered to put the rain cover on." "[Teleporter beeping]" "So, the bit where we get beamed up..." "Does it hurt'?" "'Cause the thing is I really don't like getting hurt." "You will experience only a small head pain..." "Okay, cool." "Followed by a more intense pain all along your spine." "Right..." "Then all the atoms in your body will be deconstructed, transported into our laboratory, and reassembled " "But you won't feel that... much." "Are we the only ones to work out your video message?" " Isn't there anyone else'?" " Not at all!" "You weren't the only ones to miss our original sucking-up." "Cool!" "So out of all the other survivors, we got here first'?" " No." "You took the longest." " Oh." "I beamed all the others up yesterday." "Although, I am still waiting on two others called Jack and Dwayne." "Uh, yeah, they won't be coming..." "They kind of got killed by the blue monster." "It was totally their fault." "Oh, well, there's no need to worry, then." "That's all behind us now." "[Andrew bellows in pain]" "Andrew!" "[Roaring]" "Susan, I really wish you were still a psychopath..." "[Susan screaming]" "[Monster roaring]" "Eyes..." "Go for the eyes!" "[Squishy eye poke]" "[Comical heads knocking]" "BEN:" "Susan!" "[Stephen shrieks]" "Stephen, get the gun!" "[Monster roaring]" "U I q" "Slugs!" "[Roar]" "[Shriek] [Gunshot]" "[Whimper]" "BEN:" "Nice shot." "STEPHEN:" "Thanks." "[Gasping and groaning]" "He's still alive!" "BEN:" "Can you hear me, Andrew'?" "ANDREW:" "My time is at an end." "Can't you just heal yourself'?" "You can do that, can't you'?" "Use your special healing hand'?" "My powers are no longer strong enough." "SUSAN:" "What about the spaceship'?" "You have to beam us onto it!" "ANDREW:" "You must do it." "BEN:" "ls there a manual'?" "You must input the coordinates." "The sequence is 3-3-3-3-7-3..." "BEN:" "Have you got a pencil'?" "[Andrew struggling to speak]" "Say that again... 3-3-3-7-3-7-3'?" "Did you mean, like, three sevens, or seven threes?" "Andrew'?" "Andrew'?" "ANDREW:" "You... idiots." "I shouldn't have bothered... trying to... save you." "Say it again!" " 3-3-7" " What was it'?" " Shut up!" "ANDREW:" "Don't forget to press the bu..." "[Andrew struggles to speak and dies]" "[Ben gasps]" "He's gone!" "I mean, he's not actually gone " "He's still here, but he's dead." "I think he said 3-3-3-7-3-7." "But what was that at the end'?" ""Buh"" " Did he mean "beam"?" "SUSAN:" "Surely he meant "beam"!" " He didn't say "beam"." " Yeah, because he died!" "I think it was 3-3-7-3-80." " 80'?" " It was something like that." "We have to get it right!" "STEPHEN:" "I'm sure he meant "beam"." " Youi idiots!" " Just try it." "3-3-3-7-3-"beam"." "[Teleporter beeping]" "[Sound of asteroid approaching]" "Well, that was a big waste of" "[Loud rumbling sound]" "Time..." "[Loud rumbling sound]" "I don't think those were the right numbers..." "I think they were, actually, Susan, because we've just summoned a massive spaceship!" "We weren't supposed to summon a spaceship, we were supposed to beam ourselves onto one." "It's fine!" "I guess this is how we get beamed up." "Wow, we just summoned a spaceship!" " We did it!" " We did it!" "We just hailed the biggest cab in the galaxy!" "The entire human race is aboard that!" "[Massive explosions] [Debris falling]" "I told you those weren't the right numbers." "[Massive explosions] [Debris falling]" "It's raining men..." "Oh my God!" "Ugh!" "I think that's Terry!" "So, do you want to be my best man'?" "SUSAN:" "Sorry, what'?" " I'll tell you later." "I guess on the plus side, we did stop the asteroid from hitting Earth, so it's not all bad." "Ben, we just killed the entire human race!" "I thought I was bad - all I did was kill 12 people..." "Andrew the Alien was right." "We're really under-intelligent." "So what do we do now'?" "[Strange screeching in distance]" "STEPHEN:" "Just wait around for a while, see what happens." "Oh my God!" "[Monstrous screeching]" "GTVPhons!" "I I!" "[Gryphons screeching]" "I fucking hate gryphons!" "[Screech]"