"Basic principles" "No woman wakes up saying:" ""God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today."" "Now, she might say:" ""This is a really bad time for me."" "Or, something like" ""I just need some space."" "Or, my personal favorite" ""I'm really into my career right now."" "You believe that?" "Neither does she." "You know why?" "Because she is lying to you." "That's why." "You understand me?" "Lying." "It not a bad time for her." "She doesn¡¯t need any space." "She may be into her career." "But what she is really saying is" ""Get away from me now."" "Or possibly, "Try harder, stupid."" "But which one is it?" "60% of all human communication is nonverbal." "Body language." "30% is your tone." "That means that 90% of what you're saying, ain't coming out of your mouth." "Toby, Toby!" "Shit!" "Of course she's gonna lie to you." "She's a nice person." "She doesn't want to hurt your feelings." "What else is she gonna say?" "She doesn¡¯t even know you ... yet." "Luckily, the fact is, Just like the rest of us," "Even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it." "That's where I come in." "My job is to open her eyes." "Toby!" "Oh, my god!" "Is this what you are looking for?" "Basic principles," "No matter what, no matter when, no matter who," "Any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet." "Just needs the right broom." "You can not use what you do not have." "So if you're shy, be shy." "If you're outgoing, be outgoing." "I'm not outgoing." "That's ok." "She may not want the whole truth, But she does want the real you." "She may not want to see it all at once, But she does want to see." "So tonight, when you wonder what to say, or how you look, or whether or not she likes you," "Just remember, she is already out with you." "That means she said "yes" when she could've said "no"." "That means she made a plan when she could've just blown you off." "So that means it is no more your job to try to make her like you." "It is your job not to mess it up." "Uh?" "Shoes are hot." "You went to the place I told you, right?" "Yeah, but I don't think they are really me." ""You" is a very fluid concept now." "You bought the shoes." "You look great in these shoes." "That's the "you" that I am talking about." "Now the key tonight is "hang back"." "Give her plenty of place." "If she lingers at a photograph, move on." "But maintain the visual." "All right now." "It's supposed to be 64 F and clear tonight." "So when you leave the club, walk a little." "Ask her what she thought about the show." "What was her favorite photograph?" "Why that one?" "And when she answers, don't be looking at her mouth." "Don't be wondering what she looks like naked." "Listen to what she is saying and respond." "Listen and respond." "Listen and respond." "That way, when it's your turn to talk," "You have something better to say than "I like your mouth." What was your favorite one?" "The, uh..." "Elephant, definitely." "Yeah." "And all of a sudden, We're on Date Number Two." "No way." "We are going back in there." "You have to smile." "In case you didn't go to high school, Hitting is a good thing." "So how does it happen?" "Great love." "Are you ok?" "Nobody knows." "Good." "Let me get a bun pop and a scoop ball for the lady." "But what I can tell you, is that it happens in the blink of an eye." "One moment you're enjoying your life." "And the next, you're wondering how you've ever lived without them." "Three days is all that I need." "Three days and I will get you here to the high stake meadow ground, where eight out of ten woman believe that the first kiss will tell them everything they need to know about the relationship." "After that, you are on your own." "But always remember," "Life is not the amount of breath you take." "It's the moments that takes your breath away." "Didn't I call it, or did I call it?" "I mean what did I say, six months." "And when was her first date?" "So five and a half." "God, I hate it when I am right." "I mean what is it about guys, that makes them want to screw anything that walks," "Even when they are going out with someone as awesome as Allegra Cole." "I mean she's only the single most fabulous thing walking around New York." "Thanks, Young." "Are you kidding?" "Of course I'm gonna run it." "Why should she waste her heart on some Swedish even if he is gorgeous." "Hey, if he's stupid enough to cheat, Then the world should know he's dumb enough to get caught." "Exactly." "I'm in the elevator." "See you in a minute." "Morning." "How are you?" "Great Sara." "Better party of one?" "Hey, you should try it sometime." "Banbados by myself?" "I wouldn¡¯t last five minutes." "Just did what the doctor ordered." "I slept in, I did my Yoga," "I read a couple of books, I flirted with my scuba instructor." "And apparently never left the office?" "I know." "Isn't that great?" "You should've taken someone with you." "Who?" "Who am I going to take with me?" "This is where boyfriend comes in handy." "I don't have time for a boyfriend." "You said that two years ago." "Yes." "It is as true today as it was then." "Hey, I thought you were on vacation." "See if these were in focus, will you?" "And have it on desk in an hour?" "Cool." "And beside, relationships are for people that are just waiting for something better to come along." "Ahh." "Spoken like a true cynic." "I'm not a cynic." "I'm a realist." "A realist masquerading as a cynic, who is secretly an optimist." "What are you doing here?" "What is she doing here?" "She works here, remember?" "No, she doesn¡¯t." "Not for another four days." "Well, this couldn't wait." "Of course it could." "What are you doing?" "Go back to the beach." "I don't want you here." "Oh, no, really you do." "You are becoming a sick workaholic lunatic." "That is exactly the kind of nervous overall behavior that leads to ..." "Pictues of Sebby with busty brunettes." "A very very big raise." "Jesus!" "You could find dirt in a snowstorm." "Comes with the job." "You know kido." "There is more to life than watching other people live it." "Can I help you with cheating on my beach?" "Hey, I think it's great that you are so good at your job." "I'm just a little worried as to why." "Let me worry about that." "OK." "I want that column on my desk by lunch." "Does that mean you are going to pay for my hotel?" "For you to sip my ties?" "I don't think so." "Get out." "Oh, come on." "What?" "That's good, right?" "No." "It was in it." "It freaks out." "You know what your problem is, Hitch?" "You're all about the short game." "You pick your shots based on what you see first." "Not what's uhh..." "necessarily best for you in the long run." "Well, all of us are not married to the woman of our dream and is about to have a baby." "I am very happy for you." "Just not meant for everybody." "So please just leave me to my hot, sweaty, totally very wildly experimental short game." "I was just talking about pool." "But you know, what ever." "Yeah, OK." "Honestly, I just hope one day you are able to experience the unconditional love" "And the trust and the openness that ..." "You know, I share with Grace every single day." "Is this really barroom talk?" "No, you need to listen to me, man." "I'm serious." "Because when you get to a place with a woman like that," "It's so beyond anything physical." "When I think back, when I used to run around with you and chase those really gorgeous but shallow women and ..." "I know it's ..." "It's kind of ridiculous, and vaguely pathetic." "Yeah, I see what you mean." "That's pathetic." "That, that's pathetic." "Uh-huh." "So how did you meet him?" "I was in the Brelin and I was just buying some weekend gowns." "And he was doing likewise?" "No." "Look, yeah." "Actually he said he was buying some for his mom." "His mom?" "Casey. who buy high price lingerie for their mother?" "No, no." "Maybe he was looking for a robe." "Oh, Casey." "Casey." "He was hitting on you while he was buying lingerie for another woman." "Well, I prefer the mother story." "I know you prefer it, but that's not the point." "No." "The point is, I'm not gonna start out assuming the guy is a liar." "Why not?" "Because this is how you end up ..." "Like me?" "Is that what you are going to say?" "No." "I was going to say "Like you"." "What is his name?" "Why?" "I'm going to google him." "No." "Google your own guy." "Let's just to see if his mother is still alive." "So when is Grace due again?" "Soon." "You're excited?" "What did you say?" "Do you want me to go get them and bring them over here?" "No." "No, don't do that." "Are you saying you don't want to talk to them because you can't go home with them?" "Hey, what do you want from me?" "I just trying to keep my head above water." "Hey, did you ever hear this guy they called "Date Doctor"?" "Every man." "Really?" "Absolutely." "I was kind of hope he also help women." "Casey." "You're not sick." "You are single." "You just have to relax and enjoy the ride." "I haven't been ridden in months." "That's a happy note." "I'm going to go see if anybody interesting came in tonight." "Oh, you mean besides me?" "Right?" "Right." "I'm gonna go get those girls and I'm gonna bring them over here before we have a conversation like human beings." "Then you are going to go home and I'm going to take them back to my apartment." "That sounds like fun for me, but you know, you might wanna get in line, pal." "Hey,Baby." "Can I get a cup of corona over at the pool table, please." "Thanks." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "A bottle is fine." "Hey, asshole, I don't work here." "Wow." "I am sorry." "The paramedic is gonna have to come to get my foot out of my mouth, sweetheart." "Just don't let it happen again." "I knew you did not work here." "You did?" "How else was I supposed to get you away from all those guys." "Why would you want to do that?" "Some guys naturally develop a comfort with the opposite sex." "They like women, women like them." "Everything flows naturally." "Back in college, I was just not one of them." "I seemed to lack the basic understanding that my peers just intuitively grasp." "But like any late bloomer, I was eager to make up for lost time." "Her name was Cressida Baylor." "Would you tell me where the register building is?" "Yeah." "And my life would never be the same." "I am Alex." "Cressida." "What we had was beautiful." "I love you." "I love you so much." "I love you too, Alex." "I know you don't love me as much as I love you." "I mean, but that is OK." "I am just glad you love me at all." "In retrospect, I guess I may have come on a little strong." "But the experience taught me a lot." "Cressida!" "What are you doing?" "I am sorry, Alex." "But I love you." "I love you." "Want did I do wrong?" "Just tell me what I did wrong." "Dude!" "You are doing it right now." "I am sorry." "It is an education I feel obliged to pass on to my fellow men." "Becuse with no guile, and no game, there is no girl." "And if ever there was a man born without a game, it was Albert Brennaman." "My business is 100% referral." "And thus far, untraceable." "And if there is one thing I've learned when you orchestrate, coordinate, and otherwise mess with fate," "It is best to fly under the radar." "I hope she is single, because I don't do breakups." "Hi, thank you for seeing me." "No." "I mean, she just got out of a relationship." "Is that a problem?" "Because if it is, fine." "I am a little uncomfortable with this anyway, you know." "Definitely, have been hurt a lot." "You know, I had a lot of bad experiences." "Some good ones." "You know definitely a lot of bad ones." "And you know, I am desperate, basically, I mean." "Not in general, you understand?" "Not just for anybody." "But I mean for her." "Why don't you tell me about her?" "Let's see." "What can I say?" "My company handles her finances." "I am her tax consultant." "Well, I am one of them." "I am the junior man on the account." "So does she know you are interested?" "Oh, no no no." "No." "Alive?" "I lent her my pen once." "Shoot." "Does anyone have a pen?" "Here take mine." "Albert, you are crushing my arm." "Sorry about that." "Allegra, as in Allegra Cole?" "Yeah, I realize that I am not her usual type." "Well, her last boyfriend, like owns Sweden or something." "And the guy was a bum." "He just, he didn't seem like a very nice person to me." "You swing for the fence." "OK, look." "You don't think I tried to talk myself out of this." "You don't think I know how ridiculous this is?" "I know." "OK." "I just thought maybe with your help, I just..." "You know what?" "I am really sorry I wasted your time." "Hold on a second, Albert." "You know what it is like." "Getting up every morning, feeling hopeless," "Feeling like, the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man," "But at the same time, hope that she still finds happiness," "Even if she is never gonna be with you." "You are flat out, out of your mind." "You know that?" "Yeah." "That is good." "It is?" "Good?" "You ever heard Michelangelo?" "Yeah." "Heard of the Sistine Chapel?" "Yeah?" "Michelangelo, Sistine Chapel." "So you can do this?" "My name is Alex Hitchens." "Let's go paint that ceiling." "Take it easy." "Oh my God." "Oh God." "Well it looks like I am still rich." "But what I would really like, and what I was wondering is," "If I can have $500,000 to invest on my own?" "Oh?" "And what were you thinking of investing in, Allegra?" "Well, it's something that I really have a passion for." "Daydreams are for private time." "When you in the room, be in the room." "Concentrate, focus." "Women respond when you respond to them." "See, my friend Maggie, is a really talented designer." "I've seen the business plan." "The samples look fantastic." "And I would really, really like to get involved." "I'll tell you what." "Let us just come up with a range of investment that we think you might be interested in, and next month we will run the whole lot of them by you." "Hum?" "Ok." "Fine." "Thank you." "All right, gentlemen, the next..." "Let's go over this one more time." "What is the objective?" "Shock and awe." "That is shockingly awful." "What is the objective?" "Shock and awe." "What is the objective?" "Excuse me, sir." "Yes, Albert?" "I don't really agree with that." "You don't really agree with what?" "I think if you want to invest half a million dollars in your friend's business," "That is exactly what you should do." "Albert!" "You don't need us to tell you what to do." "We are a board of advisors." "We are not your kindergarten teachers." "And if you want to be taken seriously as an adult," "I suggest you start taking yourself seriously as an adult." "Instead of asking for permission to invest your own money from a boardroom full of your daddy¡¯s golf buddies." "That is quite enough." "You know I am finished." "I'd like to see anybody in this room, handle the attention and publicity that she has to deal with her whole life with half of her class." "We should be taking advice from you, Miss Cole." "Not the other way around." "Sit down, Mister." "No, you know what, I quit." "Oh, my God." "Just breathe, just breathe." "How did it go?" "I yelled at her." "I turned in my boss." "I quit my job." "What?" "You said..." "I gotta go back." "Not tell you to quit." "Listen, we are fine." "We are fine." "OK?" "Just let me go." "Albert." "No no." "Just relax, OK?" "Just let them marinate for a second." "Trust me." "No." "It is Allegra Cole." "Answer it." "Can I speak to you for a second?" "Answer it." "Answer the door, Albert." "Yes, hi." "What's up?" "Listen, Albert, right?" "People don't usually talk to me like that, OK?" "Close your mouth, man." "Let me re-phase that." "People never talk to me like that." "Stand up." "I guess it is kind of scary for them." "But that's why I really appreciate what you did in there." "But I was wondering, do you think you and I could get together sometime this week?" "You know, to go over things, financial things." "You see, I like to see the area where I can afford to take some risks." "Check your schedule." "I have to check my schedule, Miss Cole." "Great." "Let me give you my number." "Do you have a pen?" "I don't look like I have one." "Yes, I do." "Great." "Call me Allegra." "You are done." "Good bye." "Good job." "Albert." "Oh damn." "She is some kind of newspaper columnist." "Comes in here once in a while." "Great tipper." "What is her drink?" "Usually beer." "Tonight, grey goose martini, dirty." "Hi." "I noticed your glass was getting a little low." "So I took a liberty of bringing you another apple martini." "Thank you." "And I couldn¡¯t help but notice you look a lot like my next girlfriend." "What is your name?" "They call me Chip." "Aha, you can't get them to stop?" "That was funny." "Listen, Chip, I understand the courage to take to walk across the room and try to generate a relationship out of thin air." "So don't take the following personally." "You have fantastic eyes." "Thanks." "Try to listen." "This is no selection on you." "I am just not interested." "But thank you for the compliment of coming over." "You are welcome." "So do you like Cuban food?" "Chip, seriously, that was not a code for "I wish you try harder"." "Are you always so shutdown, and afraid that the right man might make you feel like..." "Like a natural woman?" "Sorry, I am late, honey." "I could get a cab." "How was the meeting?" "Oh well, there was a beginning, a middle, and an end." "Nice to meet you, Chip." "You too." "Now on the one hand it is very difficult for a man to even speak to someone who looks like you." "But on the other hand, should that be your problem?" "So life is kind of hard all around." "Well, not if you pay attention." "I mean you send out all the right signals." "No earrings, heels under two inches, your hairs pulled back." "You wear reading glasses, but no book." "Drinking a grey goose martini, which means you have a hell of a week, and beer just wouldn't do it." "If that wasn't enough, there is always the "fuck-off" that you have stamped on your forehead." "Because who is gonna believe that there is man out there that can sit down beside a woman he does not know, and genuinely be interested in who she is, what she does, without his own agenda." "I wouldn't even know what that would look like." "So what would a guy like that say?" "Well, he'd say my name is Alex Hitchens, and I am a consultant." "But she wouldn't be interested in that, because she probably be just counting seconds until he left." "Thinking he was like every other guy." "Which life experience has taught her is a virtual certainty." "But then he¡¯d ask her name and what she did for a living." "And she might blow him off, or she might say..." "I am Sara Melas." "I run the Gossip column at the Standard." "Then he would ask all these penetrating questions about it, because he was sincerely, if atypically interested." "No." "He'd be interested." "But he'd see that these was no way he could possibly make her realize that he was for real." "Well, he could be funny and charming, and refreshingly original." "Wouldn't help." "Doesn't he hate it when that happens." "Not really." "They both probably go on to lead a life they were headed toward." "My guess is, they do just fine." "The pleasure to have met you, Sara Melas." "Great goose martini, from the gentleman who just left." "Woo, is that for me?" "What?" "Ben, sorry I am late." "Oh, no." "Not a problem." "Wow, you are the...." "Can I get something to drink, sir?" "No, no." "I am fine." "Thank you." "So tell me about her." "Have you ever met someone, and you knew right away, she is gonna be important to you." "Not just because of her looks, but, you know, that X factor..." "How did you meet her?" "Actually, I was in a shop buying pajamas for my mom." "And by that, of course you mean you are buying lingerie for another woman." "Yes." "You can't help when you meet somebody, can you?" "And the lingerie was for a woman I am no longer seeing." "So, but anyway, the girl I met, the one I was talking about." "She is so sweet, funny, southern." "She gave me a number, now she won't return my phone calls." "I don't know what it is about her." "I just can't get her out of my mind." "Food has lost its taste, colors, you know, they seem dull." "And things that used to matter, I don't know, they just no longer do." "I think things are not gonna snap back unless I..." "Unless I bang her." "Excuse me?" "You know, bang her, clear my head." "Get in, get off, get out." "I think you may have misunderstood what I do exactly." "No, I was told you help guys get in there." "Right." "But see, there is the thing, my clients actually like women." "Hit-and-quit is not my thing." "Let me make one thing clear to you, Rabbi." "I need professional help." "Well, that is for damn certain." "And I am glad you can admit it, because generally that is the hardest part." "You see what I am doing?" "This is what I am about." "Power suit, power tie, power steering." "People can wince, cry, beg." "But eventually, they do what I want." "Oh, so that is like a metaphor." "Oh, yeah." "Right, well, I am more of a literal kind of guy." "So when I do this." "This is more like me saying that I will literally break your shit off if you ever touch me again." "OK, pumpkin?" "Got it." "No." "No." "I can't just mention your restaurant?" "Somebody has to eat there." "No." "Somebody famous, you know that." "Sara Melas?" "No, no, no." "OK, bye." "I need your signature." "I hated when a guy calls a girl who did not give him her number." "So this is me not calling, over." "Yes, you're right." "This is much less invasive." "Listen, I've been thinking about that sign on your forehead." "I was wondering you would mind taking it down for dinner Friday night, over." "Oh, I can't." "I have a couple of parties I have to hit." "Gossip never sleeps." "Not till about 4 A.M." "Saturday?" "I am, I have a date." "Do you know the definition of perseverance, Miss Melas?" "An excuse to be obnoxious?" "Continuing a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure, over." "OK, Webster." "How do I get rid of you?" "Breakfast Sunday." "And you can barely even call that a date." "You do that with out-of-town relatives that you don't even like." "OK." "I guess I can do Sunday." "You forgot to say "Over", over." "This conversation is over as soon as you tell me when and where." "7 A.M., North Cove Marina, over now." "7 A.M., are you crazy?" "I don't do 7 A.M." "Hello?" "Sign here." "What?" "Said Sunday, right?" "Yeah?" "What if I would've said Friday?" "Sunday?" "So, I guess you are not going to church." "Do you really expect me to wear this?" "That would be awfully cold out there without it." "Good morning." "Good if it would be at 10." "You are a lot taller than I remember." "You ever ride one of these?" "Not in the Hudson." "So what do you want to do?" "Race me around the Statue of Liberty?" "If there is time." "You might need these." "All right." "Wow, how do I look?" "Fabulous." "All right." "I give." "Where do I change?" "So we go out passing the wall." "Take a left and it's pretty much a straight shot from there." "Straight shot to where?" "That's for me to tell you to find out." "So look." "What you do with these babies is ..." "Yeah, what I do with these babies is to kick your ass." "Hey!" "Hey!" "What happened?" "You changed your mind?" "It just died." "Did you put gas in it?" "Yeah, no, you know." "I bet it must have sucked up a diaper or something." "Gross." "Try it again." "You want me to call AAA?" "Come all around and let me hop over yours." "I don't know." "What if you break mine, too." "Then we will both be sitting ducks." "I didn't break it." "It just died." "Yeah, yeah." "All right, hop on." "Come on." "Go back." "Hey, I'm already here." "Yeah, but you don't know where we are going." "Why don't you tell me and we will both know." "Sara?" "Man, male egos." "I don't know how you guys make it through the day with them." "What?" "It is not my ego." "I just don't want to ruin a surprise." "Sara!" "I'm sorry." "Are you all right?" "I always keep a few of those around." "Thank you." "I have lower back trouble." "I just shovel the ice pack right down there." "Oh, no, no." "This is a fresh one." "So, Ellis island." "I have to admit." "I have lived in New York my whole life." "And I've never been here." "I figured that most people haven't." "So I got my man Larry here to set us a private tour." "Anything for Hitch." "It was originally known as Oyster Island." "The island was expand to its present size with dirt, removed during the construction of the New York subway system." "Are you serious?" "Yes." "Did you know this?" "Yes." "I mean that's why I brought you here." "In fact, over 100 million of Americans can trace their ancestors back to a single man, woman or a child on the ship's manifest to an inspector's ledger." "By 1910, 75% of the residents of New York, Chicago, Detroit ..." "It's called the "Kissing Post"." "The plaque explains how different cultures kiss after long absences." "What exactly would qualify as a long absence?" "I mean, like ..." "No." "I actually have a relative come through here." "Really?" "Yeah." "What?" "What?" "What's that thing?" "No." "You know, I was just thinking, uh..." "You can't know where you are going," "Until you know where you've been." "Ain't that right, Larry?" "You're the man, brother." "It's kind of deep for a first date, don't you think?" "What is there?" "Oh, my God!" "It's my great great grandfather." "That's his signature." "I mean, Jesus, it's right here." "How did you ..." "How did you know?" "Hitch did the search." "I just found the page." "I thought that going differently in my mind." "My family never saw him again, except from the Wanted posters." "Look, I am really sorry." "When I saw that on the computer, it said "the butcher of Cadiz"." "You know, I thought it was a profession." "Not a headline." "It's one of those horrible family legacies we all tried to forget." "Thank you." "No, it was ..." "A train wreck." "Yeah." "No." "I'll get you a cab." "Thanks." "Bye." "Bye bye." "Taxi." "Poor guy." "Sounds like went into a lot of trouble." "It was fun." "In a disaster's kind of way." "I mean this isn't exactly a hickey." "At least you got your story out of it, right?" "Right?" "You should try mine." "It's great." "Wait." "You are seeing him again?" "Look." "You said I am always expecting men to let me down, right?" "Assuming they are going to fail," "Which he did." "Yeah?" "But he did it with flare." "I mean, Casey, really taint." "And that's a desirable trait." "Yeah, weird, huh?" "Now just keep it simple." "Just like we practice." "We're just leaving a message here, OK?" "Women like Allegra Cole don't pick up numbers they don't recognize." "Hello?" "She's on the phone." "Yes, hello, Miss Cole?" "Hi, I have an Albert Brennaman for you." "One moment please." "Tell her I am at lunch." "We called her to tell her you are at lunch?" "Allegra." "Hi, it's Albert Brennaman." "Hi, how are you?" "Good." "Good." "I'm doing good." "The reason I'm calling is about our appointment this Wednesday." "Not gonna be able to make it." "Oh, uh, when can you make it?" "Uh, when can I do it?" "I don't even know." "Because my whole next week is slammed." "Right, it's all good." "Yeah, it's all good." "Uh-huh." "No." "We are gonna make it happen." "That's for sure." "We're gonna make it happen." "Yes." "Oh, are you ..." "What's going on over there?" "Just move some things around." "Sky Studios." "Look." "Tonight I am actually going this fashion thing as Sky Studios." "Designer friend." "Yeah." "I just thought it might be something your designer friend Maggie would be interested." "Yeah." "Definitely." "Well, great!" "Great." "I will put you back on with my secretary..." "Allegra, over here please." "Miss Cole, this way." "Hi there." "This was a fantastic idea." "I suppose." "Hey, where is Maggie?" "Late as usual." "Tonight I want you to meditate on the image of an iceberg." "You know why I want you do to that?" "Because I'm cool?" "No." "I know I'm not." "I'm saying that you're an iceberg in that over 90% of your mass is below the surface." "I know I'm heavy." "I am." "I am talking about who you are." "It's a metaphor." "Accounting, business, all of that is just a small part of a much deeper, richer Albert." "I know it's gonna be loud in there." "So this is our opportunity to break the touch barrier in a non-sleazy way." "So get her to where it's the loudest." "Ask her if she likes a drink." "Lean in, put your hand on the small of her back, say in her ear like a secret." "But watch your hand placement." "Too high, says "I just want to be friends."" "Too low says "I just want to grab some ass."" "All right." "Friends, ass, me." "Special issues." "Allegra Cole is a celebrity, which means when people talk to her, they will ignore you completely." "She's classy." "So she will introduce you." "When she does do, shake hands hard and speak up." "Let them know you are there." "Show her you can handle being her escort." "Egon, this is Albert." "Egon." "Albert, this is Zak." "Nice to see you." "These guys are friends of Maggie." "Have you been to that new Brazilian restaurant?" "No, but I am looking..." "It's disgusting." "I am writing an article about it." "Did you see that new station?" "Yes." "Did you..." "It's disgusting." "Disgusting." "Women can always tell when you are not being real with them." "The worst thing you can do is trying to fake it." "Because you are a great guy and you do have something to offer to Allegra than no other man does." "What's your name, Mad dog?" "Egon." "What do you think of the design of the new football stadium on the west side?" "Uh..." "Let me guess, disgusting?" "Think it over." "We'll be back." "Thank you." "I can't stand those guys." "Really?" "I kind of like them." "But when all that said done." "Tonight is not about Allegra." "It's not?" "No." "Tonight is about Maggie." "A woman's best friend has to sign off on all big relationship decisions." "So you can't afford to mess this up." "Albert, I want you to meet my friend, Maggie." "Hi, Maggie." "It's an absolute pleasure to meet you." "I'm Maggie." "No, you're not." "Actually I am." "Magnus Forester." "Thank you so much for inviting us." "Very soft hands." "Thank you." "Wow, so do you." "Thank you." "So tonight, you focus on one thing and one thing only." "Maggie." "Where did your inspiration come from?" "Oh, my God." "Anything I see." "Something in a" "Out on the streets, in an old movie." "There's certain nature of creative facility just astounds me." "Oh, anybody wants some spring rolls?" "It's a beautiful time by the way." "I mean this whole thing, it just works." "Thank you." "Is he gay?" "I don't think so." "I like him." "Now about the DJ, generally I have a firm "No dancing" policy." "But if she asks, you can not say "No"." "Dancing is the one thing I'm not worried about." "But if there are people there ..." "I'm sorry." "I have to be a stickler." "But I need to be thorough." "Show me what you mean by you are not worried about it." "Trust me." "Yes, I do." "That's where it's all about right there." "See how it gets bigger." "Now I'm gonna start the fire." "Put the feet going." "I start the fire." "I make the pizza." "Hips are always going." "Kick in the hip." "There, the Q-tip." "Q-tip." "Q-tip." "Throw it away." "That's not working." "You hit with it." "Don't ever do that again." "Do you hear me?" "Just express myself." "No." "No." "Not like that, you are not." "All right." "This is where you live." "Right here." "You live right here." "This is home." "Like this." "I want to see none of that." "They don't need no pizza." "They got food there." "Elbows, six inches from the waist." "Ninety degree angles." "Don't you bite your lips." "Stop it." "OK?" "Women relate dancing to sex." "All right." "Even a great dancer can lose it with one of these." "OK, you know, that's what I need to be learning." "I can't stop it." "You can not stop it." "Next subject." "Get out." "Thanks." "So, you are Knicks fun?" "When they are good." "Hey." "Hey." "I'm really sorry." "Oh, God, why?" "She was there?" "I left a bunch of messages." "My phone fell in the Hudson, Sam." "It gets worse." "I don't believe this." "I thought he was a bodyguard." "The only one she was getting protection around here is from me." "Max is gonna ..." "Gonna be very irritated." "You know when I got on the train this morning, I thought this was going to be a good day." "Who the hell is Albert Brennaman?" "I need you to tell me how it happened." "What dude?" "Some photographers." "Does this even look like dance to you?" "Just a little bit me." "Being me." "No, Albert." "That's you being a lot better something that you don't need to ever be again." "Just one dance." "No." "One dance, one look, one kiss." "That's all we get, Albert." "Just one shot to make the difference between" ""Happily ever after" and "Oh, He's just some guy I went to something once."" "All right?" "What?" "You said "Kiss"." "Is that a problem?" "It's not a problem, but I don't know." "This is Allegra Cole ..." "Albert." "Eight out of ten women believe the first kiss will tell them everything that they need to know about a relationship." "And believe me, she has definitely thought about it." "She has?" "Oh, of course." "I mean not that she's going to act on it." "So it's no real big deal." "All right." "Well it's no big deal." "It's a very big deal, Albert." "Huge." "Monumental." "You are not listening." "You need to wrap your head around this." "Tomorrow night, Allegra Cole could have her last first kiss." "All right, come on." "Just show me what you got." "What do you mean?" "Just go to show me how you will kiss me." "Why would I kiss you?" "I'm not me." "I'm Allegra." "But you are really not." "OK, Albert." "At the end of the night, you are dropping me off at home." "Show me the magic." "Yeah, you know I'm really not comfortable with this." "God, Albert." "I had such a wonderful time with you." "Yeah, how about "twist and fix", huh?" "You see what I'm doing?" "Right?" "This is a signal." "OK?" "I'm fiddling with my keys." "All right?" "A woman that doesn't want to kiss, takes the keys out," "Puts them in the door, goes into the house." "The woman that wants the kiss, she fiddles." "I'm a fiddler." "OK, you have a good night, I don't know." "You see what I'm doing?" "Robbing me?" "No." "See this one most guys do, they rush in to take the kiss." "But you are not "most guys"." "The secret to a kiss, is to go 90% of the way." "And then hold." "For how long?" "As long as it takes." "For her to come the other 10." "OK, 90-10." "Got it." "OK." "Come on and shake it off." "It's your turn." "I had a really nice time tonight, Albert." "Great night tonight too, Allegra." "Isn't it weird?" "What's up?" "I'm not feeling that." "What do you mean?" "I came 90." "I'm not feeling like you want it." "Look, I'm Allegra Cole." "The woman of your dreams." "The woman whose green eyes are limpid pools of desires." "Now show me the magic, Albert." "Show me the magic." "What's the hell was that?" "I'm showing you the magic." "No, I said come 90 then I come 10." "You don't go the whole 100." "My mouth wasn't open, Albert." "You over eager son of wah..." "Other than that, how was it?" "They came together." "They danced together and they left together." "He's cute." "She got kind of way." "Hey, for all I know, he's adorable." "With him dating her, it's ..." "You seem stressed." "You and I had an understanding." "If you invite Allegra, you are supposed to call me." "Sara, I didn't invite her." "Honestly sweetie, I thought she was still in Europe." "So you invited Albert." "No." "Well it says here the tickets were to some guy named Alex Hitchens." "The machine." "Hi, it's Sara." "I just want to say thank you for uh..." "An unforgettable experience the other day." "And if you ever thought of your shirt again, you can come by the Fountain dish market tonight around 8 o'clock." "OK." "Bye." "You think he will show?" "Yeah." "He's too much of a player to have a bad day on his record." "Is this a source or a date?" "A source." "It sounds like a date." "Well it was supposed to." "So it looks like a date, and it sounds like a date." "But it's not a date." "Yeah." "Right." "Just checking." "Hi." "Hi." "I wasn't sure you got my message." "I wasn't sure you called the right guy." "You must be neglect for punishment." "Either that, or I really want to pay you back." "I think this is yours." "Thank you." "I am gonna frame this for my Wall of Shame." "Really, there is a whole wall?" "It's the way getting into." "Ever been to a food race before?" "Happens once a month, all around the city." "Different chefs, different menu." "You got any good in the kitchen?" "I can stand the heat if that's what you mean." "Good." "Because that's my boss and his wife right over there." "Interesting." "Well here is a concept." "We're paying to cook our own food." "Here is another concept, shut up." "It's an evening out." "I'll tell you the longer you are married, the less you go out." "In a couple of years, we are going to end up ### in your apartment like a ###." "So Louise, are you in the newspaper business also?" "No, I'm a psychiatrist." "Well that's the last thing I wanna say tonight." "So, Sara, you never told me." "How was the Sky Studios fashion thing you went to the other night?" "Did you meet anyone worth mentioning?" "No." "Really?" "I find that's very odd." "Max." "I think you are being odd." "Well, I'm always odd." "That's why you married me and that's why I married you." "Speak of which, Hitch," "What exactly are your intention for the lovely Sara here?" "Wait, you know what?" "Actually there was someone." "I think I met your friends Albert and Allegra." "My friends who and who?" "Allegra Cole?" "Really?" "How do you know her?" "I don't." "Oh, so you know Albert." "Knew." "Well He had the tickets." "I mean.." "How well you really know your accountant?" "You know, April 15 then you don't see him again." "Till April 15." "Ladies and gentlemen." "Compliment from our chef." "Thank you." "That is really good, wow." "I am... very impressed." "Why is that?" "Well, you know..." "Around these 2, people usually can't wait to er... name drop, ditch their friends." "Here you are, being all this straight." "Yes... it's quite endearing" "Actually, it is." "So, why don't we change the subject?" "Wow, wow" "Are you alright?" "Oh, oh, yeah, I am fine." "So, er..." "Sara tells me that er... you are a consultant, Hitch." "Yeah..." "Mostly marketing, advertising, brand management." "I err... have no idea what that means." "No one does and that's why I get to charge so much." "Are err... are you sure you are alright?" "Arm..." "Yeah, I am fine, err." "Hey, is it itchy in here?" "or was it just me?" "Ooo..." "I know what is happening." "No, No." "You think that I am in a stressful state... because I am trying to make a good impression while also dealing like my commitment issues." "Trying to avoid all these awkward conversations." "No..." "I..." "I think you have food allergies." "What?" "Benadryl(allergy medication)?" "where is is Benadryl?" "Aisle 2" "Which one is aisle 2?" "The one with a big 2 over it." "Sara, I am fine." "You sure it's in aisle 2?" "No." "Really, it's not that serious." "Benadryl!" "A lot of Benadryl, a lot of Benadryl..." "What?" "what?" "... kon kil sun shak(the seafood dish earlier)Definitely!" "Come on!" "Oook, We are doing fine." "Just a couple of more blocks and you get to lie down." "(Song:" "Reasons by Earth, wind and fire) And, in the morning when I rise," "No longer feeling hypnotised" "For no reasons, the reasons..." "Wait, wait, wait, Who sings that song again?" "Oh, girl, Earth, wind and fire." "Oh, you should let them sing it." "I bet this would be great on the rock." "Good, right?" "I bet I can ask you just about anything right now." "Nooo..." "I am a vault, babe, locked down." "What is Eris doing with a CPA?" "They are going to the Knick's (New York) game." "Yeah..." "He loves her so much!" "I am, I am sure he does." "I'm telling you..." "People searching their whole lives trying to find the reasons that we're here." "The reason that..." "I wouldn't know." "You would if you saw it." "Sometimes it's really hard to see the forest through the sleeves." "What about you?" "You ever been in love?" "Yep" "But you are never going to know that." "Ok, Ok" "I think you had enough of the juice box." "(singing:" "Longing to love you" "Just for a night...)" "This is some place." "You been living here long?" "Yeah, I actually prefer it that way." "What about you?" "I haven't had a roommate since college." "He's up to marry my sister." "Really!" "Yeah, they are going to have a baby soon." "Hmm... uncle Hitch." "Thank you." "So, how do you feel?" "Good" "Relaxed" "So, what about you?" "Any siblings?" "Sister" "Maria" "Lives in DC." "Younger, right?" "I can hear it in your voice." "Sort of a..." "protective thing." "I guess." "Well" "She almost died once." "I was 10." "We were umm..." "We were skating on a pond by our house." "And she through the ice." "My dad pulled her out." "Gave her another chance." "Longest 3 minutes of my life." "I am sure." "I don't think I ever really got over it." "Kind of defines you, doesn't it?" "It was like..." "One moment you gliding along." "Next moment, you standing in the rain and watching your life fall apart." "Except it was snow." "Yeh, I was going to say it, snow." "You said rain." "Some kind of precipitation." "So, has it happened to you?" "Not as dramatic as falling through the ice, you know." "You know, it did er..." "Definitely" "You loved this girl?" "yeh?" "Yeh" "Hey, it is best... just not to love at all, right?" "Or skate." "Hitch?" "Are you here?" "Sara, you are such an idiot." "You moran!" "How many times?" "......" "Should I come back later?" "Hi" "I thought, thought you left." "Err..." "I did but then I came back with breakfast." "Arr..." "I figured it was the least I could do." "Hey, I didn't what you were drinking." "So, I got a Grand A Latte and Earl Grey Tea and something with Chia in the title." "Arr... tea for me." "Tea!" "Yes, I was hoping you were going to say that." "Oh, God, you are a morning person, aren't you?" "You know..." "like I err..." "I always tell my clients" "Begin each day as if it was on purpose." "Whoa, beautiful day" "Yeah" "Beautiful girl." "Thank you." "Well, I am this way." "Ermm..." "I am that way." "Give me a ring, sometime." "I mean on the phone." "Yeah, I know, definitely will." "Good" "Ooo..." "I gotta go to work." "Ok" "Bye" "Bye" "Hey" "Can you believe what a beautiful day it is!" "Not...!" "What is wrong, pumpkin?" "Arr, I am so stupid." "I ignored your advise and went on that date." "With who?" "Not the lingerie guy!" "Vance Mansion" "You are right there is no way he ever had a mother." "Oh, that bad..." "He took me to this hotel." "He was affectionate and sweet." "He told all these intimate things like how he can't taste food and he wants 3 kids" "So, you slept with him..." "I never seen anybody get dressed that fast!" "Oh, Case, I am so sorry." "No..." "Maybe I will just die alone after all." "No, you won't!" "You are going to meet a great guy with great smile and you are going to travel the world together." "Ok, who are you?" "What have you done with my best friend?" "It is true, he just hasn't found you yet But he will." "As he's leaving, guess what he says?" ""date doctor, my ass!"" "Err... wha wha what does that mean?" "It means he's really out there." "If I ever meet him, the only date he will need is with a real doctor." "That is him." "Vance?" "Is that you?" "Yeah, hey there." "Hi" "Beautiful" "Sara Melas from the standard." "I'd like to talk to you about the dating consultant you hired before you went out with Casey Sadrik." "Hey, you don't wanna talk, that is fine." "I am gonna write this anyway." "You just earned yourself a photo with a bold face caption." "What?" "Oh, Nice!" "I can only imagine how the guys on the trading floor going to react when they see this." "Look, you have no proof, you have no facts." "Vance, I am gossip columnist, not the DA." "Ok, ok, how much would it cost for me to stay out of it?" "I don't want money, I wanna a name." "I don't know his name." "What do you know?" "I know this." "All this for a lousy lay!" "Are we satisfied?" "Almost..." "OOoo... you gotta be..." "Is this really necessary?" "Have you seen your back?" "No, I have seen my front and... we should start with sit-ups." "Arr..." "God mother of Troy." "Hello?" "Woa, that is crazy just hearing your voice makes me smile." "How are you?" "Ermm I am good, I think ermmm..." "Oh, actually, you know what." "This maybe a little strange but... err..." "I am good" "Arrr... sweet Georgia Brane" "What was that?" "That's err..." "some guy screaming." "Listen, is there any context under which you consider facial edema or pharmaceutical intervention a date?" "Hmm..., probably not." "How about a do-over?" "What you have in mind?" "Dinner, my place" "I mean because obviously going anywhere publicly with you is out of the question." "Oh..." "God, Arr!" "that is it!" "That'll do, thank you very much." "What is that?" "Err...it's kind of err... one of those make-over shows." "That is a make-over show?" "It is Danish." "What, it is stuck." "Friday?" "No, I can't." "I told a friend I'd go speed dating." "You know... for moral support." "But tomorrow, I am free." "Errr..." "Great Errr.." "8 o'clock?" "Great" "Alright, bye bye." "Bye" "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" "Arr..." "God!" "So, this's what it feel like, huh?" "This means...?" "Great seats." "Great game." "Great da..te." "I mean, sort of..." "To me, it feels..." "Like a..." "Date...?" "Yeah" "Yeah" "Look at her, she looks so happy." "How is a guy like that end up with a girl like her!" "Ar..." "I am so jealous." "I have always wanted to be able to do that." "Really?" "Yeah" "Tonight is your lucky night." "Let's see what you got." "Ok, ready?" "My god, I am sorry." "I am fine." "I am sorry." "Alright, here are the other words..." "Central Park Zoo, tomorrow noon, by the sea lions." "Don't worry, I will find you." "Alright, thank you." "That guy?" "That guy." "...." "No, that guy." "I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry." "Damn it!" "Hey, that was it!" "Do it again, do it again." "Look how cute they are!" "Thanks" "I had a great time tonight, Albert." "I had a great time too, Allegra." "Good night." "Good night, Albert." "Allegra" "Yes?" "Hold on" "I like your lips." "They seem to like you too." "Ok" "Good night" "Good night" "Anything?" "Not yet." "But I got some great shots of you biting your nails." "Watch the big story?" "Erm, incoming!" "Really!" "Yep, they are shaking hands." "Oh my God, this is so great" "I can't wait to nail this guy." "Hey, make sure you got a good shot of his face." "Erhuh" "What does he look likes like?" "Tall, dark and handsome." "Basic principles" "No matter what, no matter who, no matter when." "It's killing me!" "You have to manage to play straight." "How long have you been in love with her?" "Err... about... two... two and a half years." "Take a look" "Ok" "How did you get my card?" "Albert..." "Albert Brenneman" "Great guy, isn't he?" "Excellent guy." "What...?" "Sara..." "Sara..." "Pleasure to meet you, Jeff." "Hey... what..." "How did you get my card?" "Albert..." "Albert Brenneman" "Albert" "Great guy, isn't he?" "Excellent guy." "You sure you wanna do this?" "Why wouldn't I?" "You know, Louise made an interesting observation on the way home the other night." "She said people who are guarded are afraid that... you can see right through them." "That is why they hide behind layers of err... secrecy or humour." "Well, he is going hide behind a lot more than that once this hits the fan." "She meant you." "What do you want me to say?" "Did I like the guy?" "Yeah, sure, I liked the guy." "Well" "Here is your shirt." "Why don't you think about it" "Call me" "Thanks" "Yeh?" "Puppy, Sara Melas is here to see you." "Thanks a lot, Ravu, send her up." "and err stop calling me puppy." "Oh, woa, aren't you a sight for sore eyes!" "I believe this belongs to you." "This thing is like a bad pantie." "Wow, so this is it!" "Err, yeh, this is it." "Oh..., business must be good!" "Well, it it it has its rewards." "Yahaha" "I'll bet!" "Err, tough day?" "Hmm, you can say that." "Err, you know what, you could just sit back and relax." "I got this all covered." "Arr..." "Ooo..." "Spanish wine!" "How thoughtful are we?" "!" "Let me pour that for you." "No, that is ok." "You want some?" "Sure." "So" "Hitch" "Is that like a noun or a verb?" "Err..." "I guess it depends." "Let's see." "What should be toast to?" "Never lie, steal, cheat or drink!" "But if you must lie lie in the arms of the one you love." "If you have to steal steal away from bad company." "If you must cheat cheat death." "And if you must drink drink in the moments that take your breath away." "Did you make that up?" "Make yourself at home." "Erm, I am going to check out the risotto." "Wow, look at this!" "Which one is the music?" "Oh yeah, oh yeah." "And it, it does lights too!" "Err, look, let me help you out with that." "Now, this, this is nifty" "What are you doing?" "How does it work, exactly?" "Well, usually" "You have dinner, then you have dessert." "No, no" "No, I mean you thriving business." "I don't do interviews." "Well, if you'd like to get back to the evening, I would be more than happy to sit and talk." "Great idea!" "You start!" "Well, maybe I would if you were so snortling." "What if I told you..." "I know exactly what you do!" "and how you do it!" "and I think it's despicable." "You know what?" "We might need to go out to dinner." "Yeah, there is a great sea food restaurant I love to take you to." "How about you just get a cleaver butcher?" "Maybe I will!" "What the hell is wrong with you!" "Even a front page story can't cure." "So, that is what this is all about?" "Albert and Allegra to fill your crappy newspaper." "You put them there!" "No, you did!" "He did, the minute he called you!" "But Hitch, listen to me, man" "I need to bring my partner Amir somewhere amazing for our anniversary." "Maybe it's not your thing but maybe it is." "What the hell are you talking about, Ravu?" "It's you, no?" "(newspaper headline:" "Coach of the year, can this man get you into bed with Allegra Cole?" ")" "So, my friend" "How was she?" "Pretty good, Hey?" "(Background talking)" "No, that is not him.." "I am telling you, that is him..." "Excuse me, Excuse me!" "Do you know him?" "No." "I want you to look me in the eye and tell me he did not hire you." "Mam, I have never seen this man before in my life." "See you later, Tony." "What, Tony!" "...." "You got some serious explaining to do." "Albert, Hitch, you alright?" "You know what, I can't really talk right now..." "Women will remain seated." "Men will rotate to the left at the buzzer." "You get 2 minutes each, 4 minutes total." "So, it is your talk time when you hear..." "If it's mutual, you get numbers." "If not, better luck next time." "Ok." "Ladies, take seats." "Case, You are a living testimonial to the triumph of hopeful experience." "Thanks for coming." "I know it's lame, truth is I did feel like doing it." "I really prefer Mock Romanov to the heavier romantic composures ." "but despite the pan dramatic anti-Semitism, yeah, I still have to say my favourite is Wagner." "Oh, yea." "Ok, thank you, Bye" "Bye" "Hi" "Hi" "Excuse me" "That is my seat, man!" "Hi," "Hi" "Hi" "My name is Ron, I am 28." "Albert Brenneman is a good man." "In fact Albert Brenneman is a great man." "I just got out of a fiery relationship..." "lot of fun on the parties... and then you are mad at me!" "For what I do for a living?" "!" "Look, I have already got your number, why don't you go and consult your conscious!" "Albert is in love with her." "Oh yeah, just like Sebastian?" "Is there a problem?" "Oh, no, just one second" "What do you have against Allegra anyway?" "Nothing!" "My interest is protecting women from assholes like you!" "Oh, I did ice climbing once." "You don't even know me!" "And whose fault is that!" "The sun comes up and the ice really starts to fall apart." "I bet, I, I am sorry." "Do you know this guy?" "Apparently not." "You are in my seat!" "You really..." "I am doing you a favour, believe me." "Basically, I like outdoor sports." "And indoor sports at certain place too." "There are certain aspect of my job that are secretive, alright." "And my job is trying to find the truth." "The truth, huh!" "You wouldn't know the truth if it kicked you in the head." "And if Albert Brenneman has to take a fall for it so be it!" "Why don't you say what is really pissing you off!" "Ok, buddy, I have been waiting to talk to her..." "There you go, there you go..." "Excuse me." "Hi, actually, you are not suppose to move he is... but... ermm...." "I am Alex Hitchens." "No no no, that's ok" "I am Casey." "Hi Casey." "I work for small publishing house in the press department which isn't actually where I wanna be." "but you know it's a good house and..." "You handled me, you manipulated me, you researched me!" "and you showed my great grandfather's signature." "Wait!" "Ellis island?" "I thought that were really sweet." "Thank you." "Case, you are not helping!" "Err, excuse me, I am on a date!" "Does it ever occur to women that maybe a guy might like to have a plan." "You know, because he is nervous." "He's not sure if he can walk up to you and you respond if he said "I like you"" "I like you!" "I like you!" "That sounds good to me." "That's true, you can't tell him if you like him." "Yar, I tried that once and it didn't go well..." "That is what you did!" "and I did like you!" "I just didn't know I was been worked over by some professional!" "He doesn't have badge." "You know the only time you were sincere and spontaneous was when everything was going horribly wrong or you were stoned out of your head!" "I am Sorry to interrupt... do I know you?" "No, I don't think so." "You wanna see you being spontaneous?" "Sure, you wanna Benedryl?" "You know what!" "This is really kind of distracting and I haven't got laid in a year!" "We are sorry, Why don't you guys go back to your dates or... go somewhere." "Maybe from the bank... errmmm." "Hey, you know what If this doesn't work out you can give him a call and he might hook you up with Paris Hilton." "That is it, that is it, you are the err you are the date doctor!" "right?" "You are the date doctor!" "?" "Do we have a problem here?" "Oh, Yar!" "a big one!" "What the hell did I ever do to you, huh?" "I am s... am I missing something?" "Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave." "Yar" "Why don't you and hit a tity bars with your buddy, Vance!" "Woa" "I don't believe this." "That is your source?" "You bet yourself, Alex." "You weren't listening." "I have heard every word!" "You are a scam artist!" "You trick women into... getting out of their own way so great guys like Albert Brenneman have a fighting chance." "No, no, no I want everybody to have a good look at this right now." "Because this, this right here" "This is exactly why falling love is so God damn hard!" "Sir, let's go, now!" "Vance Mansion is a pig and I refused to work with him!" "You need your facts right." "It's because jerks like him that I even have a job." "Had a job!" "Can you believe that guy!" "Actually..." "I do." "(TV Film:" "Jerry Maguire) You complete me" "Not just..." "Shut up." "Just shut up." "You had me to love..." "No comment." "Erm, yeh, You know" "This is... off the record..." "I came to apologise" "I made some assumptions about you based on.." "nothing as it turns out... and I erm... .." "I guess Casey is right, my best friend..." "No worries about it, we are straight." "It's just that I should have asked you." "You know, but sometimes you are guarded" "And I just did not want to be another reason for you to..." "I am not someone who would like to get involved passed certain point." "And that point... was about a week ago." "Oh..." "Well" "I just wanna say I am really sorry." "and I did not mean to hurt you." "You didn't." "That is a relief." "Hey, fellow." "Yar, good, you?" "Err..." "What you got there?" "This?" "Figured maybe my heart stop beating it wouldn't hurt so much." "She hasn't called back?" "Hey, you want some coffee?" "I want you to fix it." "I got nothing, Albert." "Hey, you want do something?" "Maybe I should get out tonight." "Honestly" "I never ever felt like this." "I swear..." "I am... going out of my mind." "I am going to throw myself from every buildings in New York." "I, I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it." "Because... then I will be stop thinking about her." "You will, just... give it time." "If it did!" "I don't want to" "I waited my whole life to feel this miserable and if this is the only way can stay connected with her, then this is what I have to be." "No, you don't!" "You can change, you can adapt." "You can make it so you don't ever have to feel like this." "Ever again!" "You just don't get it, do you?" "No, I get it." "Let me get this straight you are selling this stuff" "You just don't believe your own product." "Love is my life." "No, love is your job." "Hey" "You wanna jump out of a plane without a shoot be my guest." "but forgive me if I don't join you." "This isn't about love for you at all, is it?" "Yeh!" "This whole time, I thought I was a coward." "Where are you going?" "Sky diving!" "Allegra..." "Allegra" "Allegra" "Taxi, Taxi" "Allegra" "Taxi" "Mr. Hitchens" "Mrs. Cole, thanks very very much for seeing me." "You said it was a matter of life and death." "That man would have sold his soul to make you happy." "So, what does that make you?" "The devil?" "My job is not to deceive, Mrs. Cole." "Is to create opportunities." "Like the boardroom?" "Would you have noticed him otherwise?" "Yes!" "Really?" "Eventually" "Maybe" "How did you know all the stuff about me?" "Well, you really did your homework." "Like the boarding school when everyone used to tease me because I couldn't whistle." "and having him dance like a buffoon knowing that I can't dance either." "And telling him to drop mustard on his shirt" "So I feel less like a dork." "That was all you?" "Right?" "No, hell no!" "That was him?" "That's got Albert written all over it." "Did you put him up the inhaler?" "Stop it!" "He did not show you that!" "He chucked it right before he kissed me." "So, so, wait, that, that stuff work for you?" "It was adorable." "What did you do?" "Nothing." "Absolutely nothing!" "So, this is your plan this whole time, huh?" "Hey Albert," "Say "I love you" in the sunset with my girl..." "Albert!" "You were like a brother to me." "He came here for you." "Who?" "The guy you are choking." "I love you" "I love you" "I really love you." "I love you more, I really do." "Hey err" "I got somewhere I gotta go." "So, err." "Yar, who is it?" "Hitch." "Arr.. can I talk to you?" "What?" "Arr.." "You almost hit me." "Errmm.." "I just wanna stop by basically errmm" "See this is the thing" "I yum... woo, this is wired" "I don't me but I am on the door." "I knew at some point, I will be... you know... right here, you know..." "I thought, you know just like you know ... never come out." "and wooo, throw me off." "Can we close the door?" "What?" "I am sorry, I..." "I just need" "Are you serious?" "What do you want, Hitch?" "You!" "For a whole load of reasons that don't make sense to me." "I mean..." "We have been on 3 dates." "but you see that is crazy that is crazy because I know just deep down, just in this area" "that," "I just know that I want." "I wanna be miserable like... really miserable!" "but if that if that is what it takes for me to be happy then..." "Wait, that didn't come out righ." "What the hell is wrong with you!" "Nothing!" "No, no no, not you" "I am talking to me." "Alex Hitchens, Tom Reid." "Hey" "I'll just put this in the car." "Arr..." "Maybe it's like what you said" "We should just go our separate ways and..." "We will do just fine." "What if fine isn't good enough?" "What if I want extraordinary?" "No such thing." "I am just as scared as you are, Sara." "But I'm right here and our time is right now!" "Oh, Yeah, what about before?" "Sara, I am a guy." "Since when do we get everything right the first time!" "Oh, well, I am a realist and I know what love does to people." "No, you don't." "Keys, keys" "I don't know who this is." "and I don't care what I do know" "is he will never feel the way that I do." "You know how to use a diver stick?" "Both of you shut up!" "You ok?" "Yeh, No, I am fine." "You will never be fine and neither will I!" "Maybe I should drive." "Are you trying to get yourself killed?" "If that's what it takes." "Sara, what happened?" "He jumped on the car!" "Why?" "Because that is what people do" "They leap and hope they can fly." "Because otherwise we just drop like a rock." "wondering the whole way down" "Why in the hell did I jump!" "Here I am, Sara." "Falling" "There is only one person can make me feel like I can fly." "That's you." "So..." "You kind of like me, huh?" "Nah" "I love you." "I love you and I knew it from the first..." "Back now, it sounds so stupid." "Sara!" "Maria, this is the guy I was telling you about, Hitch" "Hitch, That is my sister, Maria." "And that is her husband, Tom." "Hey" "Her husband..." " Yeah, haha." "Where is your date?" "I don't have one." "Yah, I know, shocking, huh?" "Oh, my God!" "Are you alright?" "Grandma, what happened?" "This young lady just saved my life." "Ask her to dance." "Ooo, well..." "If you insist." "I am Casey." "I am Charles Wellington." "Oh, Nan..." "Forget it, just go." "Basic principles..." "There are none!"