"(THEME SONG PLAYING)" "And that, Mr. Hunter, is how babies are made." "I still don't believe him." "Before I forget, next Friday will be college recruitment day." "Representatives will be here from USC, NYU and Rutgers." "(BELL RINGS)" "And Mr. Matthews, your interview with Stanford has been rescheduled from 3:00 to 3:30." "Stanford?" "What's that all about?" "It's just an interview." "It's nothing from nothing." "Cory." "When we were little kids, you promised me that we'd go to the same college together." "Did I say that?" "Yes, and you also told me that if I graduated high school, you'd take me to Vermont to watch the leaves change." "Right, Vermont." "October." "Write it down." "You know I could never get into Stanford." "Well, Stanford's just one of the many schools I'm applying to, Shawn." "I'm also applying to Wisconsin, Penn." "(GASPS)" "Wisconsin and Penn?" "We never discussed those." "Well, it doesn't have to be Wisconsin or Penn, Shawnie." "It can be a school from your list." "What's on your list?" "You want to know what's on my list?" "Number one, I don't need a list because my best friend Cory wouldn't apply to any school that I couldn't get into." "Your list makes me feel bad." "Shawn..." "You know, it's early." "I have no idea what my plans are." "Oh, interesting." "Your plans." "Not our plans." "Hmm." "Don't you take that tone with me, Shawn Hunter." "I'm not taking any tone." "If you want to go to college at Stanford, then go." "In fact, go now." "Give you plenty of time to start making your new college friends." "But I don't want to make new friends." "You know what?" "Maybe I should start making new friends, too, huh?" "But I don't want you to make new friends." "Well, you need to, Cory." "What did you think?" "That I was always going to be here?" "Is that what you thought?" "Well, I'm not." "Shawn, what about Vermont?" "I put down a deposit." "Shawn, I think we need to talk." "No." "Everything's fine." "Our little conversation this morning was very helpful in making me realize that our entire relationship has been nothing more than a lie!" "Move along, move along." "Just a couple of seniors rehearsing a little playlet." "Don't you think you're being a little dramatic about this?" "Dramatic?" "Perhaps a little." "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go look out the window." "I paid a skywriter a lot of money to write "Cory, I hate you" in the clouds." "Shawn." "Cory, are you sure that you and Shawn are okay?" "Oh, we're just fine." "He just spent a lot of money on me." "I think he needs to vent." "See, that's the beauty of our relationship, Topanga, you know?" "I mean, it's rock solid, baby." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Who are you and what are you doing in my seat?" "His name is Andy." "Who's Andy?" "He's my new..." "Best friend?" "Friend." "Cory, we agreed that we were going to go out and meet new people." "I'm not making you happy?" "No, Cory, it's..." "It's not you, okay?" "It's me." "And right now I just need my space." "But we're still friends?" "Right now, I don't know what we are." "Give me my space." "He's got a new best friend." "You're jealous." "It's so cute." "No, no, no." "I'm not jealous." "But two can play at this game, girlfriend." "Hi." "Hi." "I'm Lionel." "I know who you are." "Grapes?" "I'd love some." "I'm taking another boy's grapes." "Okay, first college paper." "Playing with the big boys." "Ten thousand words." "Word number one." "I want my mommy!" "(LAUGHS) That's three words." "Come on, Eric." "You had three weeks to write this paper." "You don't make fun of my learning disability!" "You have a learning disability?" "I would think so." "Hey, wait." "What did you write yours about?" "Well, all right." "Ooh, a laptop." "For your lap." "Here it is." "Ten thousand words." "A perfectly crafted essay on my summer in China working with paleontologists." "(RAZZES)" "What?" "Your first college paper, you're writing about what you did on your summer vacation." "I uncovered dinosaur fossils." "You got pictures?" "No." "Then you got nothing." "I think it's pretty good." "You don't get it." "We're in college now." "We're being judged on a whole new level." "Theories and footnotes, shades of meaning, nuance, spelling." "Where does it end?" "Where does it end?" "All right!" "I didn't even go!" "My sister went." "She's 10." "I got no pictures." "And I didn't go to China." "Okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "I'm going to get us through this, all right, my friend?" "This is where Eric Matthews shines." "How?" "We pull an all-nighter?" "Work together until it's great?" "I got better." "We make friends with the dean." "Cor?" "It's 6:00." "You're in your pajamas." "Is everything okay?" "I don't want to talk about it." "Cory and Shawn had a fight." "Shawn dumped him." "Now, nobody got dumped." "We just agreed not to see each other for a while." "And you believe that?" "Well, someone from school called, a Lionel." "Is that your new boyfriend?" "He's just this guy from school." "If he calls again, tell him I'm not home." "That's no way to treat him." "He'll dump you, too." "Hey, everybody." "Hey, Cor." "I had lunch at Pink's today." "How come I didn't see you there?" "Why would you?" "Shawn was there." "Was he alone?" "No." "He was with a couple of guys." "A couple of guys." "What are you so upset about?" "Pink's was our place." "Not anymore." "Mother, make her stop." "Cory, what is going on?" "I'll tell you what's going on." "It's two people moving in different directions, that's what." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going in the other room to watch Lifetime and have a good cry." "Is everything okay between him and Topanga?" "Great." "Never better." "When they kiss, he enjoys it, right?" "Let's just go home and write our papers, man." "No, no, no, no, no." "We're not gonna have to." "You see, the beauty of befriending the dean is he's going to give us an extension on the paper." "We're never going to have to do it, or any paper thereafter." "We're actually never going to have to do any real work until we graduate, get jobs, befriend our bosses, get married, befriend our wives." "Please, man, I just want to go to college." "I just want to do the work." "Hey, I like you too much to let you do that." "Oh, thanks, man." "Hey." "Oh, Dean?" "Not now." "Okay." "Hey, hey, hey." "He's gonna love us." "Oh, Dean?" "You don't listen, do you?" "Jack, bow." "What?" "Bow your head." "Sir, we'd actually just like to discuss with you a paper that we're writing and perhaps even establish the type of relationship" "I had with my former mentor, Mr. Feeny." "You know the kind of people that have mentors?" "People who can't think for themselves." "Weak people." "You're in college now, buddy boy." "The big leagues." "The show." "I've got over 25,000 students in this university, and each one of them lined up to kiss my dean butt, looking for an easy way." "But I'm going to tell you something." "The only easy way is the hard way." "You don't say much, pretty boy." "I'm very scared, sir." "Good." "That's how I became the dean." "We are so in." "Cory, I know you and Shawn are having some problems right now." "I don't think this is the time to bring him up." "Did you know that Lionel has a really wonderful singing voice?" "Cory, come here." "I want to tell you something." "Did you enjoy that?" "Yes, ma'am." "Okay, good." "Now listen to me." "Being a senior is a very scary time." "We have a lot of decisions we need to make." "Yeah, I know that." "Okay." "And you're probably going to have your choice of schools to go to all over the country." "Yeah, but that doesn't mean Shawn has to be upset with me for that." "He's not." "He's just afraid that his best friend is moving on and leaving him behind." "You know, you're right." "I mean, he's probably off somewhere alone, miserable." "He's in denial." "Three guys." "I'm only with Lionel." "Cory, talk to him." "Shawn?" "Boys." "Well, this certainly appears to be a lot more than just giving each other space." "Cory, we agreed that we were going to make new friends." "No, you agreed." "I was perfectly happy with the way things were." "Then explain him!" "His name is Lionel." "We met today, and we are getting along just famously because I'm young, Hunter, I'm vital, and I have a lot to offer." "Yeah, well, so do I." "The difference is I have the dignity to keep my friendships personal and private, not parade them around in public for your twisted amusement." "You little punk!" "You dirty man!" "Cat fight." "(YELLS)" "Face it, Matthews." "Our friendship never made any sense in the first place." "You're right." "Why?" "Because we're different." "You're college." "I'm townie." "It was only a matter of time before that caught up with us." "Then let's end it now before it lasts any longer than it did." "No!" "Now." "Come on, boys." "Cory, why do I have to be here?" "Lionel, it's no secret that Shawn and I went through a pretty brutal breakup." "Now, things could get ugly." "And if a punch gets thrown, well, I need you to take it." "I will do that for you." "Okay, great." "Now, knowing Shawn and how vindictive he is, he probably has no intention of giving me my stuff back." "Where does it end?" "Shawn?" "I know you're in there." "Not answering." "He must be hurting." "Gosh, I'm loving this." "Kirk, it's about time..." "Oh." "It's you." "I'm having a party." "What?" "(LAUGHS) Yeah." "A party, right." "That certainly is some shindig." "Yeah, you know." "Just pounding down some sodas, swapping a few stories with some close friends." "Close friends?" "You hardly know them." "Exactly." "So if they leave, who cares?" "Get out, all of you!" "Now get back in there!" "You see, no emotional attachment, nobody gets hurt." "That's my kind of friendship, baby." "So, this is it." "I guess so." "Well, it's been a fun run." "It has been." "Hey." "Remember the time we ate cake in the Paramus mall?" "Cory, please don't." "No emotion." "It's too hard." "Have a nice, you know..." "Whatever." "I don't hate you." "Just go." "Lionel, we're through here." "Lionel?" "Lionel." "If you guys ever play basketball, make sure there's plenty of water around because Cory tends to dehydrate." "Lionel." "And let him win once in a while." "He likes that." "And, Lionel, never eat cake in Paramus." "That's ours." "Dean Borack!" "Dean Borack!" "Look, I was a very good student in high school." "I can write this paper." "I'm going home." "Fine, go." "High school boy." "What was that about?" "What?" "Nothing." "Didn't mean a thing." "Just that high school was a very important time in your life." "Probably the best years you're ever going to have." "You won a few spelling bees, you took out the prom queen, you peaked early." "Good for you." "Dean Borack!" "Huh?" "Hello, Dean." "Eric Matthews." "My chum Jack." "I was wondering if you could put on a pot of coffee, invite us in, and perhaps we could discuss the extension on our papers." "We brought a babka." "A babka?" "You bums think you're going to buy me off with a stinking babka?" "Hildy." "We're going to meet his daughter." "You're going to meet my Doberman." "Make no mistake about it, boys, I am a nasty, nasty man." "(DOG BARKING)" "Leave the babka." "SHAWN:" "Mr. Feeny?" "Mr. Feeny!" "(DOOR OPENS)" "I was expecting you." "Today, tomorrow, yesterday." "It was only a matter of time." "Look, Mr. Feeny." "This is my roommate, Jack." "Why doesn't he look at me?" "I'm afraid, sir." "Mr. Feeny, we're both scared, okay?" "Tomorrow we've got to hand in our first college paper." "What if they find out we're nothing more than fakes?" "Gentlemen, getting accepted into college is not a random act." "You both were accepted on your merits." "And by virtue of that alone, you belong." "Now, what's the topic of your paper?" "It's an open assignment." "You can write on anything you want." "No rules, no guidelines, no parameters." "It doesn't even have to be in English." "You're kidding, right?" "Hmm?" "No." "Okay, well, the best advice I can give you is to write about something personal." "Perhaps about the anxiety you're feeling." "Yes." "That's it!" "The anxiety." "Mr. Feeny!" "Feeny and Eric back together again." "Just like the old days." "I make you look so good." "What about you?" "I was thinking of handing in a paper I wrote about uncovering dinosaur fossils in China." "You got pictures?" "Then you got nothing." "Mr. Feeny." "I got a message you wanted to see me." "You have two extra tickets to Sunday's Eagles game." "Hey, Mr. Feeny." "I heard you had an academic achievement award for me?" "You!" "You!" "Sting!" "Sting!" "Oh, sit down!" "Mr. Feeny, why are you doing this to us?" "I asked him to see you." "(BOTH GASP)" "Topanga!" "Topanga!" "You won't listen to me." "You won't listen to each other." "Maybe you'll listen to Mr. Feeny." "Well, it hasn't happened yet." "But I'll take a shot at it." "Okay, who wants to start?" "I have nothing to say." "Me neither." "Okay, that was my best shot." "What?" "Mr. Feeny, these people are about ready to throw away 10 years of friendship, and you call that your best shot?" "Shame on you." "Shame." "I show up." "I teach." "Why isn't that enough?" "Why?" "Look, Mr. Feeny, let's not waste anyone's time, okay?" "Cory and I, we broke up." "It should have happened sooner." "But we stayed together for the kids." "In the class." "You two have been the best of friends for as long as I know you." "Now, when did this problem start?" "His problem started the day he met me." "You didn't think I was good enough for you since the day you met me." "The day he met me." "Met me." "(CHILDREN GIGGLING)" "Hey!" "Want to have lunch with me?" "I don't think I should." "Those guys say that you live in a trailer park and I shouldn't like you." "Oh, well." "If you want to have lunch with me, I'll be right here." "Hey, Topanga." "Look, I'm a llama." "Look, I'm a..." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Cory, I told you not to play by the llamas!" "YOUNG CORY:" "Help!" "Help!" "Somebody, help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Hey, thanks for pulling me out of the llama pen." "It was fun." "My name's Cory." "I'm Shawn." "Hi." "I'm Topanga." "The wife." "I'm sorry I didn't have lunch with you." "My friends were wrong." "They're not even my friends." "I'll be your friend." "Really?" "Just promise me when we grow up, you won't go to college and leave me." "Okay." "Friends forever?" "Forever." "Stop it." "You're boys." "Stop it." "You're boys." "Thank you for pulling me out of the llama pen." "Thank you for having lunch with me." "Oh, here we go." "Cory, I want you to go to the best college you can get into." "We'll be best friends all our lives, no matter where you go." "And I should have been more aware of your insecurities and how sensitive you can be." "Do you think I'm sensitive?" "I do." "You know what, Cor?" "I'm going to work real hard." "So whatever college you get into, I'll be right there with you." "You mean it?" "I've never meant anything more in my whole life." "Okay, stop it!" "Okay." "We still all have to be ready for the possibility we may end up in different places." "And that's why we have to make our senior year together the best year of our lives." "I mean, I applied to the University of Miami..." "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "You're going to Miami?" "You know, I did tell you that." "If you didn't listen, that's not my fault." "No, Topanga, you never mentioned anything..." "You two." "Sit down." "Well, it all started the day she was nagging me by the llama pit." "I don't nag!" "Ah!" "Hi, Dean." "It's about time, sir." "How did you get in here?" "It's after hours." "This building is locked." "You're trespassing, you know that?" "You're violating my personal property." "I could have you both shock-therapied." "Look, Dean." "We really need that extension." "In my entire 27-year dean career, which spans five colleges on three continents, including China... (SPEAKING MANDARIN)" "(SPEAKING CHINESE)" "(CHUCKLING)" "Okay, just bought us a month." "You speak Chinese?" "I do." "Cool." "All right." "Let's celebrate." "Dean's house?" "And insult him by going anywhere else?"