"So I called the airport in Aspen, told 'em I was flying in." "They told me they didn't have any hangar space." "Can you... can you beat that?" "!" "I spend $20 million on a corporate jet, and they tell me there's no place to park it!" "Hm!" "So I got a supervisor on the horn - a woman." "Told her who I was." "She said, "Oh, Mr Calvert!" "We didn't know who you were."" ""Of course we can accommodate you."" "I said, "Damn right you can accommodate me, sweetheart... all the money I've spent in your town."" ""Or I should say, all the money my wife spent."" "She keeps that whole damn economy afloat." "Everybody's wondering what happened to you." "They won't let you smoke in the ballroom." "The only place you can smoke in this damn place is here." "You're being rude, Clifford." "Come back to the table." "All right." "Here, partner, give me one for the road." " Haven't you had enough?" " Enough of what?" "You?" " That's a joke." " It wasn't funny." " Take off your hat, Clifford." " My head's cold." " Where the hell's the table, Cathleen?" " It's over here." "Pay $1,000 a ticket, they still jam you in like sardines!" " Hi!" " Hi." "Hey, Clifford, how're you doing?" "Excuse me." "Hold it right there, Seltzer!" "I wanna talk to you." "I don't think we should be talking to each other." "We are in litigation." "You made a bad investment, and now you wanna blame me for it." "Clifford, the financial information that you supplied was misleading, and you know it." " Why don't you just settle the case?" " Not a chance, Seltzer." "You could lose more than money on this one." "You could lose your license." "Are you threatening me?" " Clifford, please." " I'm just saying, the longer it goes on, the more likely it is to draw the attention of the SEC, and there are financial irregularities." "Don't you dare threaten me, you little worm!" "Oh, my God!" "God!" "Clifford!" "What are you doing?" "!" "Cathleen!" " I'm going to bed." " You're not still upset, are you?" " You humiliated me!" " Just cos I roughed up Seltzer a bit?" " He deserved it." " So maybe he did." "But not in front of my friends, and not at my expense." "At your expense?" "I hate to tell you this, honey, but if he wins that lawsuit, I'm gonna take a big hit and you're gonna have to get used to those rhinestones you wore when we met." "If the SEC gets into it, I could end up destitute." "What do you think, Cathleen?" "Can you see the two of us in a one-bedroom apartment?" "At that point, Clifford knocks Howard down the stairs." "It was so embarrassing." "Clifford's such a bully." "He's not sensitive and passionate like you are." "I wish we could do this every day." "So do I. There's nothing I'd like better." " I'm not divorcing Clifford." " I understand." "Look, believe me, I don't wanna see you poor." " White or red?" " White." "Good, cos we don't have any red." "Then why would you ask, you goose?" " Don't you have a real corkscrew?" " This works fine." "Are you sure that prenuptial agreement is as bad as you think?" "Trust me, that prenup is a killer." "I'd end up with birdseed." "Think there's a genie in this bottle?" "Well, if there was, what would you wish for?" "I'd make Clifford... disappear." "Poof!" "He's gone!" "We could make him disappear." "You don't mean?" " Well, we could." " No!" "If anything happened to Clifford, do you know who the prime suspect would be?" "You." " But I'm not the one who would do it." " Well, I already know that." "Besides, the way Clifford and Howard Seltzer hate each other, if anything happened to Clifford, they'd think Howard did it." " They'd still look at you." " I don't care if they look at me." "They'd do a lot more than look at you." "No, sweetie, it's either a divorce..." "or we see each occasionally on the sly." "I couldn't live on that prenup." "You don't have to convince me." "I was poor once." "I'm never gonna be poor again." "Well, being poor is no fun!" "I'm with you on that one." "It's not that I want Clifford dead." "I just want him out of the way." "So we can spend all his money." "The money part sounds great." "Just... the other part - not smart." "Don't worry, darling, I agree with you." "We shouldn't murder Clifford." "Instead of killing Clifford and framing Howard..." "Yeah?" "...What if we killed Howard and framed Clifford?" " Clifford?" " Hm?" " The house is on fire." " Mm-hm?" " They just found the Lindbergh baby." " Yeah?" " Clifford!" " What?" " You'll be there by seven o'clock, right?" " Right." " It's a wedding." "You can't be late." " I'll be there." "You have the address, right?" "At the marina?" "Jiminy, Cathleen, of course I have the address!" "I know where it is, I know what time it is." "I'll be there, OK?" "Yammer, yammer, yammer, yammer!" "Clifford." "Oh, good." "You're on your way." "I'm pulling into Westwood right now." "Not getting a cold, are you?" "I'm helping Christina with her wedding dress, so if I'm not at the church..." "I'll find you." " Yes?" " Sorry to bother you, but I was talking on my car phone to my wife." "My daughter has been rushed to hospital." "The phone went out." "I don't know what happened to her." "I can't find a payphone." "May I please use your phone to call the hospital?" " Thank you very much." " Damn!" "I was in for the night and forgot I'd left the alarm on." "Even in Bel Air you can't be too careful these days." " There's a phone you can use in here." " Thank you." "Thank you so much." "I just can't imagine what the problem could be." "She's... very healthy." "She hasn't been sick a day in..." "Yes." "Yes." "I'm trying to locate a patient - a Veronica Norris." "Thank you." "They're gonna connect me with her room." "Arlene, what's happening with Veronica?" "No..." "No, but what did the doctor say?" " Hello?" " She's gonna be all right?" " No, everything is fine." " Oh, thank God!" " I left the alarm on." " I'll be there as soon as I can." "The password?" "Yes." "Coach." "Thank you." "Can you believe that?" "The doctor said it was probably mild food poisoning." " That's good to hear." " Oh!" "I tell you, you panic when something's wrong with your kids!" " Do you have kids?" " Um..." "No." "You wanna work out something with your wife, because a house this big..." "This is beautiful!" "This'd be just perfect for kids!" "I never married." "Too busy earning the money to buy a house this big." "My house..." "We just have a little ranch out in the Valley." "But my wife is always telling me we've got to get a maid." "You must have four or five maids here to keep this place clean." "No, no, just one." "But she comes in three times a week." "Well, it looks spotless." "I'll bet she's upstairs scrubbing away right now." " No." "Not here till tomorrow." " Of course." "Yes." "If someone else was in the house, they'd have come to see why the alarm went off." "What..." "Police!" "Anybody home?" "I think I'll take a walk, get some air." "Wanna come?" "No." "Anyway, what I told this waiter was, "I ordered this steak medium."" ""If I wanted it bloody, I'd go out, knock a cow on the head, cut out the middleman."" "Hi." "How are you?" "Clifford?" "I love this song." "Dance with me?" " I don't dance!" " Please, Clifford, just one dance." "Come on, darling." "We haven't danced in years." "This isn't so bad, is it?" "We used to dance like this all the time." "Remember?" " Hey, John." " Hey, Lieutenant." " Want a banana?" " What?" "They're very healthy." " What's very healthy?" " They're the best." "I don't know about above the lungs, but this whole area here is protected." " Oh, bananas." " You want one?" "Yeah, I'll take a banana." " What have you got?" " Will, come here." "He was first on the scene." " I received a call..." " Care for a banana?" "Hey, thanks." "I received a radio call at 6:25." "House alarm at this address." "I arrived at 6:31." " See any intruders?" " No." " Any weapons?" " No weapon." "Ma'am?" "She works with the alarm company." " What's your name?" " Colenari." "Bobby Colenari." "From the alarm company." "Tell the lieutenant what you told me." " First alarm went off at 6:19." " First alarm?" "Computer indicates that was triggered by sensors in the front door." " Any sign of forced entry?" " Negative." "We called the house." "That's the procedure - we get so many false alarms." "Mr Seltzer said everything was all right." "He even gave us the password." "So he gave the password at the first alarm." "There was a second alarm?" "At 6:24." "Now, according to the computer, that alarm was triggered by the panic button on this panel." "Right here." "Naturally, we take panic-button triggers very seriously." "We called 911, and then we called Mr Seltzer's house." "Mr Seltzer did not answer the phone." "That's probably because the deceased was deceased." "Right. 6:19, 6:24..." "Five." "Five..." "I wonder what happened in those five minutes." "He couldn't have felt threatened during the first alarm because he gave the correct password, right?" "If he felt threatened, he would give the wrong password." " Isn't that what you're supposed to do?" " That's right." " You think he knew his killer?" " It's possible." " He have a wife?" "Kids?" " Woman next door says he was single." "Do you have someone that we can notify in case of emergency?" "He put down his attorney, Tracy Rose." " Has somebody spoken with her?" " Tried her house, got an answer machine." "This is not the kind of news you leave on tape." "Oh, boy!" " One bullet?" " Looks that way." "Yeah." "What in the hell is this?" "If I had to guess, I would say animal hair." "Hi." " Patrick Kinsley, LAPD Forensics Unit." " Lieutenant Columbo." " Pleasure to meet you." " It is my pleasure, sir." "Well, on first blush, looks clean, huh?" "Undisturbed." "Roger!" "Looks like they didn't leave much behind, huh?" "If anything." " No, sir." "It sure doesn't." " Well, maybe we'll get lucky." "Oh!" "I brought some coffee for you guys." "And Billy's favourite doughnut is in there, so..." " I'll leave it there." " Thank you." "We appreciate that." " Mr Kinsley, have we ever met?" " I don't think so." "Gee, the number of cases I've worked, I thought I knew all you forensic guys." "Well, I have been teaching at the academy till a couple of months ago." "Oh!" "That explains it." "I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out if we ever met." "Lieutenant, when I arrived I saw a cat." "It ran out when I opened the door." " Where is it now?" " I don't know." " Locate that cat, Officer." " Right now, sir?" "That cat could be the only witness to this terrible crime." " I want that cat." " Yes, sir." " So you don't think we'll find much, huh?" " I wouldn't even hazard a guess, because with... with trace evidence... you... you never... you don't really know till you get back to the lab." "Did you just see something?" "No." "I'm just looking over the scene." " You looking for anything in particular?" " Not really." "Anything and everything." "A killer usually will leave something behind." "The trick is to find it - no matter how small." "Well, if it's smaller than an earring, I'm no help." "The other night, the wife dropped an earring - one of her favourites." " Huh." " I'm on my hands and knees," "I'm crawling on that rug for an hour - no earring." "She's making me crazy." "I gotta find that earring." "Well, Lieutenant, why don't you just vacuum the rug and then empty the contents of the dust bag onto a white sheet?" "That's a good idea." "I'll tell her I'm using forensics to find her earring." " Right." " She'll get a kick outta that." "Are you finished with the body?" "I'd like to move it to check the area underneath." "I'll just make sure I got everything I need." "Rogan." "Do we have pictures of the body?" " It's already done, Lieutenant." " OK." " Soon as I get home, I'll vacuum the rug." " There you go." " Thanks for the tip." " All right." "Any time, Lieutenant." "Uh, Miss Rose?" "Miss Tracy Rose?" " What do you want?" " Are you Miss Tracy Rose?" "I assume you are." "I saw your name on the parking spot here." " What do you want?" " I'm from the police." " Yes?" " Do you have some time?" " I'd like to talk to you." " It's not even 8:00." "Yes, ma'am." "I'm from Homicide." " You're here about Howard Seltzer." " I tried to call last night." "I was in San Diego on business." "I..." "Forgive me." "When I heard it on the news, I couldn't believe it." "I still can't." " Who would do such a thing?" " I hoped you'd be able to help with that." "We think it's possible that Mr Seltzer knew his killer." "I know he wasn't married." "Does he have an ex-wife or a girlfriend?" "That's a rather sexist question." "Men kill far more often than women." "Ex-spouses and spurned lovers, they kill more than anybody." "Ah." "Well, Howard was never married." "And as for a lover..." "I wouldn't know." "He was very private." "I wasn't privy to his personal affairs, just his business affairs." "Well, that's something, ma'am." "In a nutshell, CC Venture Capital submitted fraudulent financial information." "They overvalued their assets and, uh..." "omitted some significant liabilities." "Howard got burned pretty bad." "CEO's name is Clifford Calvert." "He's one tough SOB." "If Howard had won, then all the investors would sue, and that could have cost Calvert tens of millions." "Uh..." "Did you ever meet this guy?" "Once, at a deposition." "He had the nerve to hit on me - at a deposition!" " Oh..." "Well, that's terrible." " He's a married man!" "That doesn't say a lot for his character." "Thank you very much, Miss Rose." "I appreciate the time." "Lieutenant..." "I hope you find Howard's killer." "I will, Miss Rose." "I will." "Good morning, ma'am." "LAPD." "I'd like to speak to Clifford Calvert." " Mr Calvert is still asleep." " Is there somebody else I can speak to?" " Come in, please." " Thank you, ma'am." " Who is it, Marlena?" " Uh..." "Mrs Calvert?" " Yes." " Señora." "Señor Columbo." "Uh..." "Lieutenant Columbo." "Thank you very much, ma'am." " LAPD." " The police?" "Yes, ma'am." " What can I do for you?" " It's about Mr Seltzer, ma'am." "Howard Seltzer?" "What about Howard Seltzer?" "It was on the news last night, Mrs Calvert." "I didn't see the news last night." "I was at a wedding until very late." " With your husband?" " Yes." "Why?" " Is your husband home, Mrs Calvert?" " He's upstairs, asleep." " What's this all about?" " I'm afraid that Mr Seltzer is dead." " Dead?" " Yes, ma'am." "When's the last time that your husband saw Mr Seltzer?" " Mrs Calvert?" " What?" "Uh..." "When was the last time?" "L-I had..." "I had a party a few nights ago." "Tuesday?" "Wednesday?" "Thursday?" "Wednesday." "Oh, Howard dead!" "How did it happen?" "It appears, ma'am... that he was murdered." "I know this must be a shock." "There's one thing I want to clear up." "I understand that Mr Seltzer was suing your husband." "Oh..." "It was a spurious lawsuit." "My husband did nothing wrong." "Oh, I'm sure he didn't." "These days businessmen sue each other over nothing." " What did you want to clear up?" " Clear up?" "Oh, yeah." "On Wednesday did Mr Seltzer and your husband speak to each other?" " They had words." " Words?" "Parties in a lawsuit aren't exactly happy to see one another." " But it was nothing." " I see." "I think I'll go upstairs and wake my husband." "Seltzer murdered, huh?" "That's the best news I've heard in a long time." "Good morning, sir." "Regarding Mr Seltzer, I understand that you saw him last Wednesday night." "Yeah, I saw the little worm last Wednesday." "According to your wife, you had words." "Words?" "I knocked him on his ass." "Was that because he's suing you, sir?" " Am I a suspect?" " Oh, no, sir." "This is just routine." "I have to file some kind of a report." "So if you'll just answer a couple of questions, I'll be out of your hair." "Sorry, sir." "Like what?" "Have you ever been to Mr Seltzer's house?" "No." "What else?" " Where were you last night, sir?" " At a wedding in Marina del Rey." " What else?" " What time did you get there?" " Seven." " And where were you before that?" "I was at my office all day." "I ate lunch at my desk." "At 5:30 or 6:00 I got in my car and drove to Marina del Rey for the wedding." "So you were in your car starting roughly 5:30 to 6:00, till 7:00." " That's right." " Did you stop off anywhere?" "No." "No." "Oh, wait a minute." "I did stop at a convenience store for some cough drops." "I didn't wanna cough through the wedding." "Well, that about does it, sir." "I appreciate your time." "Uh..." "They're not Cuban cigars, are they, sir?" "I plead the Fifth." "Well, actually, sir, I'm a cigar smoker myself." "Oh." "Well, would you like one of these, Detective?" "Oh, no, sir." "No." "I know how expensive they are." "Not to mention the legality of it." "Go ahead, take one." "I won't say anything to anybody." "Well, thank you kindly, sir." "Oh, jeez." "Just one more thing, sir." "I can't believe I forgot to ask you this." "What is it?" " Do you have a gun, sir?" " Yeah." "I got a.38." "It's registered." "It's all legal." "Can I see it?" "If it'll make you feel better." "Cathleen, have you seen my gun?" "Why, no, sweetheart." "Fix me a drink, would you?" "Cliff, honey, it's a little early." "I need a drink, dammit!" "I'm sure there's an explanation for it, Mr Calvert." "Like what?" "I shot Howard Seltzer and then got rid of the gun?" "Did you?" "I had to ask, sir." "I should keep these drawers locked, but I never do." "There are people in an out of here all the time." "We had some trouble with the help." "I fired a couple of maids and a chauffeur." "We just had the kitchen remodelled." "Workmen were in and out of here all the time." "I..." "Anybody could have taken it." "It's not here." "I'm sure it's gonna show up." "You know how it is... you lose something, and then the next minute you stumble upon it." "I gotta run along." "Gee, I got a dozen stops to make." "The first day of a homicide investigation, you wouldn't believe it... it's murder!" "Good day, sir." "Ma'am." "Hey, Will!" " Did you find that cat yet?" " Not yet, sir." " Well, keep looking." " Yes, sir." "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!" "Kitty, kitty, kitty!" "Kitty, kitty, kitty!" " Who was at the door, Harry?" " Harriet, this is Lt Columbo." "Police." " Police?" "!" "Oh, dear." " It's just routine, ma'am." "I need to verify that a particular person attended your daughter's wedding." " Somebody at the wedding?" " Can you verify Clifford Calvert attended?" "Clifford Calvert?" "What's he done?" "He hasn't done anything." "I have to report that I verified his whereabouts last night." "So you know Mr Calvert?" "Well, his wife, Cathleen, is a friend of our daughter's, and so, yes, Lieutenant, Clifford Calvert was at the wedding." " Do you remember what time he arrived?" " I'm sorry, Lieutenant." "It was my daughter's wedding." "I didn't see anyone else." "Ah, yes, ma'am." "How about you, sir?" "Do you remember the first time you saw Mr Calvert?" "Yes." "When I walked Christina down the aisle, I saw him and Cathleen." " What time was that, sir?" " Oh... about 7:00." " And did Mr Calvert attend the reception?" " Oh, yes, he did!" " And do you have any pictures?" " Oh, yes, I do!" " Could I see them?" " Oh, yes, you can!" "Oh, you don't know what you're letting yourself in for." "The bride looked so lovely." "Everybody looked lovely - even Harry." " Look." "Isn't that a beautiful bride?" " Yes, ma'am, she is beautiful." "And Harry." "Look, he's crying." "Harry never cries." "I'm sure the lieutenant has more important things to do than look at snapshots of me." "Is this a picture of Mr and Mrs Calvert?" "Yes." "Aren't they a handsome couple?" "Yes, ma'am, they are a handsome couple." "They certainly are." "Uh, this one - is that Mr Calvert?" "Yeah, I think so." "That other man - my golly, that's Ted!" "My goodness, he got fat!" " What about this?" " That's Clifford and Cathleen." " They're dancing." " He can see that." "Could I borrow these two pictures?" " Of course." "I have duplicates." " Thank you." "You two have been just terrific." "I appreciate the time." "Lieutenant, will you be needing us as witnesses at the trial?" " I don't think so." " Let me know if you need any help." "I'm quite the amateur sleuth." "Well, if I get stuck, I'll call on you, sir." "Now, Lieutenant, wait." "You must help me get rid of some of this food." " Here." " I like fruit but..." "How about just one?" "Now, don't be silly." "There's nothing wrong in accepting fruit." "It's no secret how little money cops make." "You can say that again, ma'am." "Bye." "A cop was at the house - a Lieutenant Columbo." " Good." " He asked about the missing gun." " Good." " He knew about the lawsuit." " Good." " And the argument Cliff had with Howard?" " I got that in." " That's very good." "I wish you'd been there." "Clifford was perfect." "He didn't try to hide the way he felt about Howard." "He even said he was glad Howard was dead." "Oh, that cop just came in." "He's... handing out apples!" "I think the guy's a little goofy." " Is everything all right on your end?" " Yeah." "I'd better go." " Is everything all right?" " Oh, he's... he's right outside my office." " He's offering me an apple." " We should meet, Patrick." "Are you listening?" "When can I see you?" "Not right now." "Not for a while." " Too risky." " Patrick!" "Call me later, OK?" "No, wait." "Is everything all right?" "Yeah, it's... basically fine." "Patrick, I know you." "Something isn't right." "I can tell by your voice." "It's nothing." "It's just that cigar end - it wasn't in the ashtray." "You don't have the cigar end?" "No." "I..." "I wonder if one of the crime-scene guys picked it up." "Get out to the house and find that cigar end." "There's Kurtz, and he was at the house." "I'm gonna talk to him." "Mr Kurtz!" "Can I talk to you for just a minute?" " Sure." " It says here there were four ashtrays." " I only saw three." " No, there were four." "Damn!" "I must have missed one." "And you checked all four ashtrays?" "Yeah." " No ashes?" " No, no." "Clean as a whistle." "You guys want an apple?" "Take one." "They're good." " Thank you." " Thanks." "Could you give us a moment, please?" "Sure." "I gotta go log in some evidence anyway." " Don't peel the skin." " Why not?" "Cos all the vitamins are in the skin." "I don't waste nothing on an apple - I eat everything, including the seeds." " Actually, apple seeds contain cyanide." " They do?" "Oh, yes." "On the way over here, I ate a bunch of seeds." "Does that mean?" "You'll be fine." "Lethal dose for humans is about 12 ounces." "Incidentally - it's good news... the crime scene is just full of identifiable animal hairs and fibres, so I think whoever killed Seltzer left with trace evidence on him." " Are there any suspects?" " I got a maybe." "Now, you mentioned something about talking to Seltzer's attorney." " I did that already." " Oh." "The attorney gave me three names." "One, a Mr Clifford Calvert, stands out." " Has he been located?" " I saw him already." " Oh." "And?" " He said he was at a wedding." " Should be easy to check out." " I did that already." "Oh!" "My goodness, you're a tiger!" " And?" " He was at the wedding, but it's close." "At the time of the murder he said he was alone in a car." " So he's a possible." " A possible." "Good." "I got the medical examiner's report." "There's no surprises really." ""Cause of death: massive blood loss due to trauma from a bullet which pierced the abdomen, .38-calibre."" ".38?" "Did you say.38?" " Why?" "Is that something?" " This guy Calvert owns a.38." " Let's get it in for a ballistics test." " Can't." "It's missing." "He says it might be stolen." "Gonna get a search warrant for his house?" "On what basis?" "A missing gun?" "Gotta be a thousand.38s in LA." "Uh..." "But if we could find something to link him to the scene of the crime..." " Right." " I'm gonna run down to Records." "I'm gonna check Calvert's registration." "Who knows, maybe it was stolen." " Worth checking, I guess." " Right." "By the way, I vacuumed the rug." "Guess what - found a diamond." "Good for you, Lieutenant." " Kurtz!" " Yeah?" "Never mind." "I..." "I'll be back in an hour." "Will?" "Will!" "Hey, Will!" " Patrick?" " Oh, hi." " What are you doing here?" " I'm just double-checking the scene." " What are you doing here?" " Will called me, said he found the cat." "He didn't mention anything to me about it." "I think he's outside." "I hope he found him, cos I told him I want that cat." "Will!" "Will!" " Great!" "You got him!" " Yeah." "He almost got away again." "Bring him in." " What kind of cat is it?" " I don't know." " Bring it over here." " OK." "What's in the bag, Lieutenant?" "I was sick about that cat." "Who was gonna feed him?" "He was gonna starve to death." "So, Patrick, while you were here, turn up anything new?" "No, nothing new." " Where's the cat?" " I don't know." "Where'd it go?" "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." " Kitty, kitty, kitty." " Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." " Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." " Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty." "Here, kitty, kitty." "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." "Kitty, kitty, kitty." "Lieutenant." "Ah, he lost one of his toys." "Yeah, my dog's like that - never forget where their toys are." "What is that?" "Catnip?" "To tell the truth, that's why I came back." "I knew I saw something in that ashtray the night of the murder." "Well, It looks like a cigar end." "The end of a cigar?" " Wow!" " What's so special about a cigar end?" "Well, the truth is that..." "Mr Clifford Calvert is a cigar smoker." "Don't you make appointments?" "I was in the neighbourhood." "I thought I'd stop in." "What is it, Columbo?" "We found a fragment of a cigar in Howard Seltzer's house." "Here's the problem" " I spoke to Seltzer's attorney, she says he didn't smoke." " Does any of this refresh your memory?" " I told you, I was never in Seltzer's house." " Cigars are very popular nowadays." " Well, that's true." "But if it turns out to be, let's say, Cuban, for example, that would narrow things down." "They're hard to get." "Like those cigars in your humidor - great cigars, but they're hard to get." "You know, Columbo, I think from now on any communication between us, my attorney should be present." "His name is Stuart March." " Well..." " Here's his address..." "If you feel that way, sir and telephone number." "Yeah?" " Look, I've gotta take this call." " I don't have anything else." "Leave, then." "No, put it all in wheat." "No, we don't need any corn." "I had corn for dinner last night - it was lousy." "Lieutenant?" "I must say, I don't like the way you keep questioning my husband." "It's nothing." "It's just routine." "Do you know how much I love him?" "I'm not gonna let you take him away from me." " He did not murder Howard Seltzer." " I never said he did, ma'am." "I'm warning you, he's not gonna be happy to see you again." "I'll call you right back." "I thought I told you that if you have more questions, contact my attorney." "You did, sir, but this is very minor." "One quick question." "I got a note here." "Um..." "You said that you stopped at a convenience store to buy, uh... cough drops." "Uh..." "Which convenience store was that, sir?" "You wanna know where I bought cough drops?" "!" " If you don't mind." " It was a minimart in the Palisades, at Sunset and Pine View." "OK." "Well, sorry to bother you, sir." "Ma'am." "Lock the door." "Columbo came by again." "He asked Clifford where he bought the cough drops." "Whatever store it was, it's not gonna hurt us." "Isn't that odd?" "Why would he wanna know what store?" "Because he's scrutinising Clifford's alibi." "What it means is that he's taking Clifford seriously as a suspect." "Speaking of the devil, here he comes." "Call me later." " I think you're gonna like this." " I am?" "Yes." "I did a comparison test on the cigar fragment and on the cigar Clifford Calvert gave you." "And?" "I think you may have enough for a search warrant, Lieutenant." "Good man." "Look at this mess!" "You can't do this!" "My husband is innocent!" "Ma'am, I'm just executing a search warrant." "On the night of the murder, do you know what socks your husband was wearing?" " Socks?" " What about underwear?" " Are you crazy?" " All right, pack it all up." "Uh..." "Do you send clothes out to be dry-cleaned?" "No, I wash them out in the pool!" "Fellas, any luck with the suits?" " We've got 'em, boss." " Oh, good." "I only need one." "Oh, that's it." "The blue-black." "Don't take that suit!" "That's his favourite suit." "That's it." "What?" "Mr Calvert's attorney will see you now." "Gentlemen." " Stuart March." "We talked on the phone." " Lieutenant Columbo." " Mr Kinsley, Mr March." " Pleased to meet you." " Cathleen Calvert, Patrick Kinsley." " Hello." " Pleased to meet you." " Her husband, Clifford Calvert." "Let's get this show on the road." "All right." "I guess we'd better start." "All right." "Several items were retrieved from the residence of Clifford Calvert... specifically, and of relevance, a dark-blue suit, believed to have been worn by Mr Calvert..." " Do you have any water?" " It's on the table." "The suit was found to contain traces of fibres and animal hair, which, upon examination, were determined to be not dissimilar from fibres and animal hairs present at the scene." " You should get samples of those fibres." " I know that, Cathleen." " You do it." " Let's postpone any further discussion until we have the samples tested." "All right, meeting's over." "I guess that's it, Pat." " See you back at the lab." " OK." " Good day, gentlemen." " I don't know what's so good about it." "Good day, ma'am." " Lieutenant." "I was just about to call you." " You got something?" "Yes." "The hair on the suit is definitely animal hair." " Cat hair?" " I don't know." " There was a cat in the house." " I can't say for certain it's cat hair." " Not until I do a species test." " So it could be a moose hair." "It could be." "Just give me an hour, I'll give you an answer." " What about the fibres?" " Ah!" "All synthetic carpet material." "The fibres on the suit and the fibres on the rug at the crime scene, do they match?" " They're not different." " They're the same?" "No." "They're not different." "Look..." "Look, you gotta slow down." "I know what you want, but I'm not going to cut corners." "So it'll take me a day or two, and I will have bottom-line answers for you." "You're the boss!" "This is the stuff from the Calvert house?" "Yeah, and it's also from the car." "Cough drops and a receipt." "What is it?" "Lieutenant?" "No, I've been meaning to go out to that minimart." "I keep putting it off." "Might as well get it over with." "Thank you." "Can I help you?" "This candy bar says it has vitamins in it." "That's not a candy bar, that's a protein bar." "Oh." "Well, it looks like a candy bar." " Does it taste like a candy bar?" " Sure, it tastes great." "$1.29." "$1.29?" "For a candy bar?" "!" "It's not a candy bar, it's a protein bar." "Is the manager in?" "You can talk to the president." "It's still $1.29." "I'm from the police." "OK." "Look, how much do you wanna pay?" "Look, I'll give you the protein bar for 99 cents." "How's that?" " Do you recognise this guy?" " Uh-uh." "Were you on duty Friday, say, between five and seven?" "Yeah." "This man in this photograph was in this store." "He bought cough drops." "I get 300 people a shift." "Do you expect me to remember a guy buying cough drops?" " All right." "What's that up there?" " Oh, that's a surveillance camera." " Hooked to what?" " A VCR." " Is there a tape in the VCR?" " Yeah." " Would Friday be on that tape?" " It's a 48-hour tape, shoots a frame a second, so Friday night would be on a tape in the storeroom." " Great." " You still want the protein bar?" "I'll take a dozen." "Lieutenant, I got your species for you." "No surprise - it is cat hair." "And the fibre tests are cooking." " Have you made any progress?" " I stopped at the minimart." " Yeah?" " Pat, can you spare a minute?" "For you?" "Absolutely." "Are you familiar with the route that Calvert took on the day of the murder?" "I know every street." "I drove it myself." "Good." "OK, well, here it is." "His office is down here, he's moving north." " Right." " This first X is the minimart intersection." "Moving north, maybe northeast, maybe five miles," " you come to the murder house." " Right." "Moving northwest maybe 20 miles, this is the church where the wedding was at." "Moving northerly the entire trip." "Northerly." "But, Pat... the minimart is south of the murder scene." "You see it?" "It is south." "South." "Yes, it is south." "Do you remember why he went to the minimart?" "To buy cough drops, according to you." "And he bought the cough drops after the murder." " After?" "!" " After." "You're saying that a man commits murder here." "Then, instead of going to the wedding, where people will see him..." "He changes directions and goes south." " To buy cough drops?" "!" " Right." "How do you know this?" "Clifford Calvert, buying cough drops." " Right." " Look at the time stamp. 6:35." "But he was shot at 6:24." "Why would a man do that?" "Why would he kill somebody and drive five miles in the wrong direction to buy cough drops?" " It is very strange." " It is strange." "That's very strange." "And I don't pretend to have the answer." "Whether that clock is off, or..." "At the minimart there were two clocks." "The VCR - 6:35." "And the cash register receipt - 6:35." "Both the same." "I don't know!" "If they were both off, then..." "maybe there was a power failure." "There was no power failure, Pat." "I checked." "You did?" "My goodness, you are a tiger!" "Way ahead of me." " Well, this is not easy, Pat." " No." "No." "No, it is not easy." "And if it was easy, we'd just ask the janitor." "Well, I'm stumped." "You got something?" "The only thing I can say at this point, knowing something about forensic psychology, when a man kills for the first time he can easily go into shock." "Clifford Calvert could have driven south to the minimart, bought the cough drops, and not know where in the hell he was or what he was doing." " Wouldn't know where he was?" " He would not know." " Or what he was doing?" " That's right." "It's possible." "Shaky." " Why don't we sleep on it, Pat?" " Fine." "Why don't we do that?" " All right, I'll see you in the morning." " Good night, Lieutenant." "Patrick... let me ask you a question." "If Calvert didn't do it, who else could it be?" "I..." "Somebody on that list that the lawyer gave you, I would think." "OK." "But let's assume for just a moment that it was Calvert's missing gun that fired the bullet." "In that case, if Calvert didn't do it, who else had access to the gun?" " The help." " I'd have said the wife before the help." "You're probably right." "The help - no motive that I can think of." "But the wife, she had a motive." "Wouldn't she be affected if her husband lost the lawsuit?" "You would think so." "We don't know a lot about her, do we?" "No." "No, we don't." "That marriage... is it a good one?" "We don't know, do we?" "No." "We don't know." "You know what I'm gonna do?" "I'm gonna meet with her, tell her what's on my mind, get her reaction." "You studied forensic psychology." "Come along - we'll both take a look at her." "I'll set that up for tomorrow." "That'll be good - you and me together, Pat." "Three eyes are better than one." "I thought from the very beginning your plan was too subtle." "You should have done more." "You should have planted the gun, to nail Clifford." "The plan is going fine, Cathleen." "Fine?" "It's falling apart." "And now that dopey detective wants to talk to me!" "Cathleen, listen." "By tomorrow the tests on the hair and the fibre will be finished." "They will match." "Clifford's independent lab will confirm that they match." "Clifford will be placed at the scene of the crime." "I still think you should have done more." "No, I know what I'm doing, Cathleen." "I've been working on homicides for 15 years." "A heavy-handed frame, see, that just smells like a set-up." "Anything that's overt, bells go off all over the department." "OK, Patrick, what do we do now?" "You got us into this." "Me?" "!" "Wait a minute." "You were the one..." " You said nothing could go wrong!" " Look, what are you..." "We're almost home free." "The only thing that could hurt us at this point is us." "Come on." "I want you to listen to me very carefully, because when you meet Columbo you have to be absolutely convincing." "All right?" "I didn't tell you this, but he asked me to be there." " You?" "!" " Yes." " Why would you be there?" " I don't know." "It's going to be fine." "We're gonna go over everything he could possibly say so there won't be any surprises." "All right?" "OK." "Ah!" " Mrs Calvert?" " Lieutenant." " You remember Mr Kinsley?" " Yes." "Thank you." "We ordered coffee." "Would you like something else?" " No." "Coffee will be fine." " I thought it would be better to meet here instead of the precinct - less official, if you know what I mean." "That's why I sent Officer Will to meet you at the precinct and bring you over here." " He had no trouble finding you?" " I shouldn't be meeting you anywhere, not without my attorney present, and Clifford." "I'm aware of that and I appreciate the fact that you're willing to hear me out." "OK, Lieutenant, what's this all about?" "You're aware of the evidence so far?" "Yes." "Well, I'm gonna be frank with you, Mrs Calvert." "Maybe this is something I shouldn't even say, but we have some doubts about your husband's guilt." "He may be innocent." "I'm sure you're happy to hear that." "Yes!" "Yes, that's..." "that's very good!" "And we certainly hope it's true." "But there is the problem of the missing gun." " Any idea what happened to that?" " None whatsoever." "Who else had access to that gun?" "Besides yourself, of course." "Clifford said he never locked that drawer." "We had a big turnover in domestics in the past year." "Could've been one of them." "Uh, yes." "That's very possible." "One of the help could have easily stolen the gun." "But the fact that Howard Seltzer was shot with a.38..." "It could have been somebody else's.38, not the one that your husband owned." " Are those ours?" " Yes, sir." "Unless we found your husband's gun, we can't prove that it didn't fire the shot." "But... if it was your husband's gun, the thing is, Mrs Calvert, if your husband didn't do it, then who..." "Excuse me." "I'll be back in a moment." " That was strange." " It was." " You didn't just say something, did you?" " No!" "He was talking." "Yeah." "He was saying..." "If Clifford didn't do it, then who did?" "Then he stopped." " You didn't react in some..." " No!" "I was just listening." "I never blinked an eye." "Then it's nothing." "The guy's a little wacky - I've been telling you." " I don't like this." " Just relax." "The lab reports just came in." "Cat hair and fibres place Clifford at the murder scene." "The DA indicts, and we're home free." "Here he comes." " Are you all right?" " Uh, not so hot." " No?" " Not really." " Is there anything we can do?" " No, it's... it's something funny here." " Would you rather stop?" " If you don't mind," "I would like to call it a day." "Patrick, could you, uh..." "What?" "Get the car?" "Yes, of course." "I'll go find Will and meet you out front." "Excuse me, ma'am." "Barney?" "Barney!" "Could I have an Alka-Seltzer?" "Can somebody take this glass?" "You hardly touched this!" " Are you parked at police headquarters?" " Yes." "You know where she's parked, right?" "We'll go straight to her car." " Going in?" " I don't think so, Pat." "I'm gonna get something for this." " Is there anything I can do?" " I'll be fine." "I'm feeling better." "We'll talk later." "But with regard to Mrs Calvert," " I didn't see anything suspicious." " Neither did I." "Let me ask you something." "When you picked up Mrs Calvert to bring her over to Barney's... where'd she sit?" "In the passenger seat, right here next to me." " You let her in there?" " No." "I got out, went around the car, opened the back door for her, but she got in the front." "You were standing by the back door, holding it open for her, she saw you, she ignored you, and she got in the front seat?" "She wanted the front seat." "She wanted that front seat." "My guess?" "I say she gets carsick in the back." "These two... know each other." "They know each other well." "Holy jamolies!" "Wow!" "As you know, Mr March, I've received the lab tests from LAPD as well as your independent lab." "I can place your client at the murder scene." "I thought we could discuss a plea bargain, save the taxpayers a lot of money." " Plea bargain?" "Hell, I'm innocent!" " Clifford, please, let me handle it." " Sorry for the intrusion..." " Morning." " Morning." "I dropped by..." " Stop." "Stop." "This is the DA's office." "I'm in the middle of a conference - a confidential conference..." " with Mr March and Mr Calvert." " I know that." "That's why I'm here." "If I had more time on this case before you..." "Do you have new evidence that has some bearing on this case?" " No, but if I had..." " Lieutenant!" "Can you provide a valid, evidentiary reason why I should not pursue this indictment?" "I didn't think so." "Mr March, are you prepared to discuss a plea bargain?" "I've had enough of this!" "Looks like we don't have anything more to talk about, Counsellor." "This case goes to the grand jury tomorrow morning." "I intend to walk out of there with an indictment." "Have a good day." " What are you doing here?" " Mr Calvert..." "Do you know what time it is?" "!" "I'm not here as a cop but as a human being." "As opposed to what?" "A kangaroo?" "This case is over." "I'm being indicted for murder tomorrow." " Shut the door." " Thank you very much, sir." "I just came to tell you, I don't think you did it." "Well, that's a relief." "I'll enter prison with a light heart, knowing that you think I'm innocent." " Where's your wife, sir?" " She's upstairs, asleep." "If I wanna drink, I'll drink." "I don't need her in my face." "She's always asking questions about this case." "She thinks she's Clarence Darrow." "She doesn't have a clue." "I don't need that, sir." "I just bite off the end." "That's disgusting." "I notice that you like to use a wedge cutter." "Yeah, a wedge is the only civilised way to prepare a cigar for smoking." " Now, why is that, sir?" " Well, look at this." "See that cut?" "That's deep, it's angular and it's precise." "It keeps the filler tobacco out of your mouth." "What do you do?" "You gnaw on it like a beaver!" "I don't know how you smoke 'em after you've mangled 'em." " May I, sir?" " Here." "Mr Calvert, I'll be honest with you - I noticed your cigar ends before tonight." "The first time there was one right here in this ashtray." "I took a good look at that." "Then up in the law office, another one." "Took a good look at that." "So I knew that your cigar cutter makes this type of wedge cut." "Now... this is the cigar end... that we found in Mr Seltzer's house." "Now, that's a straight cut." "A straight, guillotine cut." " Would you cut a cigar like that?" " Of course not!" "And neither should you." "Here." "Put that on your key chain." "At least make some little attempt to be civilised." "Mr Calvert, I asked you this before." "Now, bear with me." "I'm gonna go over it again." "When you got to that wedding... what's the first thing you did?" "Went into the church." " And then?" " Sat down, watched the ceremony." " Did you talk to anybody?" " No." " And then?" " I walked out of the church." " Where was your wife?" " I don't know." "She was bull******** around somewhere." "Did you see the bride and groom come out?" "No." "I was waiting for 'em, but I ran into my friend Ted, and we had a conversation." "Big, rotund guy?" "Yeah." "The man's in good shape, like me." "Big... big belly." " What's the problem?" " I'm not sure." "I gotta run, sir." "Thanks for the cigar!" "You're welcome." "Who is it?" "It's me, sir" " Lieutenant Columbo." "I'm sorry to bother you this way, sir." "I was wondering if I could take a look at those wedding pictures again." " Look at what?" " The wedding pictures." "It will just take a minute." "Harriet, it's Lieutenant Columbo." "He wants to look at the wedding pictures again." "Relax, Pat." "It's off." " What?" " Grand jury, postponed." " You're kidding!" " They're having a meeting." "They told me to wait outside." " It might be cancelled for good." " What happened?" " I'm not sure." " Oh, come on." "I'm not sure." "I showed 'em some photos." "That had something to do with it." "But there might be something else." "That's what I'm not sure about." " What were the photos?" " From the wedding party." "You already saw the one of Cathleen dancing with her husband?" " No, I never saw that." " I thought I showed it to you." "No." "This is gonna be difficult to explain." "It would be much easier if you could see the photos." " Well, show 'em to me!" " Gee, I hope I got 'em." "I gave the originals to the DA." "I think I made copies." "I hope I did." "It'd be much easier for you to understand if I had the pictures." "Where are they?" "Oh, here they are." "No, that's not them." "Wait a minute, it is them." "All right, here's the picture I thought you saw" " Mr and Mrs Calvert dancing." "This is a blow-up of the back of the suit." "Those are the cat hairs and fibres, right?" " Right." " You can see 'em." " Clearly." " Right." "You can see 'em, very clear." " So what's the problem?" " Oh, the problem's not with this photo." "The problem is with the photo that I got last night." "This one." "This was taken right after the ceremony, outside the church - about 7:15pm." "That's Clifford, talking to the guy with the big belly." "And these are blow-ups of his suit." "Patrick, can I borrow your knife?" "You know, they tell me I shouldn't bite these cigars, that they taste better if you use a cutter." "Pat?" "Can I borrow your knife?" "Pat?" "You can look through all those pictures if you want." "You're not gonna find any cat hairs or fibres." "Why did these pictures just show up now?" "They're the official photos from the photographer... he just delivered 'em yesterday." "So, Pat, you see the problem." "The DA can't place the husband at the scene of the crime." "No cat hairs or fibres at 7pm, but there are cat hairs and fibres after 8:30pm." "They're on his suit." "How did they get there?" "Somebody put 'em there." "Who was he dancing with?" "The wife." "Whose hand is in the photograph?" "The wife's." "Lieutenant!" "That's her now." "Tell her I'll be right there!" " The DA wants to talk to her." " The DA?" "!" "Yeah, in 20 minutes." "He's waiting for the prosecutor." " They're both going to be there?" " Yeah, both." "I gotta go tell her." "You know, maybe I'll show her these." "Nah, maybe not." "Wait here." "This won't take long." "Oh, Pat." "You didn't know her before this case?" "No." "First time you met her was in the attorney's office?" "Yes." "That's what I thought." "There's no prior relationship." "No." "Why?" "The DA was on the phone with the husband's attorney." "When he hung up, he asked me if you and Mrs Calvert have a prior relationship." "I said, "No, not that I know of." He said, "Ask him." So I asked you." "I'll be right back." "Stay here." "That man across the street next to the silver car..." " Yes?" " You know him?" "Yes." "You met him the day before yesterday in Barney's." "Don't stare." "You saw him for the first time in the lawyer's office?" " Yes." " You never saw him before?" "Don't stare." "No." "He's a criminalist working with me." "Why is he implicating you in this case?" "What?" "!" "Get back in the car." "Just get back in the car." "Go ahead." "I don't want him to see me showing you these pictures." "He brought me these." "Take one." "Go ahead." "That one of you and your husband dancing?" "Here's the blow-up." "That's your hand, and you can see the cat hairs and the fibres." "As opposed to this one... taken of your husband earlier, outside the church." "Here's the blow-up of his suit... no cat hairs, no fibres." "So he's claiming that this proves that you planted those cat hairs and fibres." "That's insane!" "I'm glad to hear you say that." "This is the cigar end that we found at the scene of the crime." "Turns out your husband couldn't have cut that." "He uses a wedge cutter." "Patrick claims that this knife that was found in the back yard of the victim's house, that was the instrument used to cut the cigar end." "Did you ever see this knife before?" "He says he found a fibre on it that comes from the upholstery of a foreign car." "You drive a Mercedes?" "I've never owned a knife like that or used a knife like that." "Is there anything about this knife that rings a bell?" "It looks familiar." "So, given time, you could recall where you saw it?" "It's possible." "That's good." "Thank you, ma'am." "Thank you for the time." "Uh..." "Can I give you a word of advice?" "In the future, if anyone asks you if you knew Patrick before this case, tell 'em the truth, cos that cat's outta the bag." "That son of a bitch!" "You got that right." "Ma'am, you wanna talk to the DA?" "As soon as possible." "Will, let Mrs Calvert have your phone." "She's in the judge's chambers." "If she's not there, they'll know where to find her." " What happened?" " I showed her the pictures." "She's really uptight." "She wants to talk to the DA." " Does she have a lawyer?" " I don't know." "She said she wanted to speak to the DA." "That's what she said." "Maybe she's calling a lawyer." "Let me ask you something, Pat." "Did you know that Clifford Calvert uses a wedge-type cigar cutter?" "What?" "It's like this." "This is what he uses." "No, I didn't know that." "But you do know that this is the cigar end found at the murder scene." "Yeah." "And you do know that you were very anxious about its disappearance... so anxious that you went back, alone, to search for it." "And you do know... that this knife belongs to you." "Of course I know it's mine." " Are you finished with it?" " No." "Because if I find a microscopic piece of this tobacco on this knife... you are in deep manure, Pat." "I can't believe I'm hearing this." "Let me give you a word of advice." "In the future, if anyone asks you if you knew her before this case..." "I suggest you tell the truth, cos that cat... is outta the bag." "She phoned the DA!" "DA says she'll see her right away!" "We're going up now!" "That son of a bitch!" "You got that right!" "Now, a special news bulletin." "Two suspects were arrested in connection with the murder of an investment broker... a Cathleen Calvert, wife of wealthy entrepreneur Clifford Calvert, and LAPD forensic expert Patrick Kinsley." "Informed sources report the suspects admit having a love affair." "But apparently love isn't forever... both are now claiming innocence and accusing each other." "We'll keep you informed of further details." "Some newsbreak!" "I heard all that six times, on four different channels." " They all said the same thing." " Vince!" "Bring me a glass of orange juice." " Say, what's the story on that murder?" " They both did it." "They both did it?" "I told you." "You told me?" "I told you." "And that guy was working on the case?" "I was at the murder scene." "I'm looking at the body." "He comes in - "How do you do?" "I'm the forensic guy."" "And he was." "And he knew his stuff." " How do you like that!" " They were lovers?" "They were lovers." "I didn't know." "Nobody knew." "Pat and I, we had a meeting at the lawyer's office." "She was there." "I introduced 'em." ""Mrs Calvert, Mr Kinsley." "How do you do?"" "That they knew each other?" "Not in my wildest dreams!" " How'd you break the case?" " That happened right here." " That day?" " Right at this table." "And five minutes later, outside your front door." "Watch." "You sit there." "I'm gonna show you what happened that day." "John, you sit here." "She was sitting there" " Cathleen." "You be Cathleen." "I'm sitting here." "You be me." "Patrick is here." "I'll be him." "I'm Cathleen, he's you, and you're Patrick." "That's correct." "Now, you're me, and you're talking to her." "You're looking at her." "Good." "That's good." "Now, the coffee arrives." "A cup for the lady, a cup for the cop and a cup for Patrick." "Now, at this point, out of the corner of my eye..." "I see Patrick do this." "I couldn't believe what I saw!" "How did he know that she didn't take sugar instead of the NutraSweet?" "How did he know she didn't take sugar and cream?" "How did he know she didn't drink it black?" "Is it possible that he knew her?" "Was that possible?" "No." "But... maybe." "Then, five minutes later, right outside your front door..." "Vince!" "Forget the orange juice." "Get Barney's car, pull it up in front of the steps." "I wanna show you guys what I saw next." "OK." "This is where I was standing." "And this is what I saw." "Started out normal" " Patrick standing there, waiting for me and Mrs Calvert." "But then he moved, and that... that didn't fit." "That's what I saw, and I couldn't believe it." "Here's what I expected to see." "When Pat got out and opened the back door... that he would stand here and hold it open for the lady to get in the back seat." "That would be normal." "Why would he leave the back door and come and open the front door?" "How would he know... that Cathleen preferred the front seat?" "And here's the $64 question:" "Why did Cathleen Calvert prefer the front seat?" " You're asking me?" " I'm asking you, yes." "I'll sit anywhere, front or back." "If she's like my sister, she gets carsick." "She feels better sitting in the front." "You got it!" "That's exactly what her husband told me." "That's the answer!" "Cathleen preferred the front seat because she gets carsick in the back seat." "And how would Patrick know that if he didn't already know her?" "And that, for me, is what broke open the case." "That... and this." " What is that?" " A wedge." "It's a type of cigar cutter." "The way you cut a cigar makes all the difference in the world, Barney."