"Snuggle in, sweetie!" "It's cold out there." "Why is it snowing, Grandma?" "Where does it come from?" "Oh, that's a long story, sweetheart." " I wanna hear." " Oh, not tonight." "Go to sleep." "I'm not sleepy." "Tell me, please." "Well, all right." "Let's see..." "I guess it would have to start with... scissors!" "Scissors?" "Well, there are all kinds of scissors." "And once there was even a man who had scissors for hands." " A man?" " Yes." " Hands scissors?" " No, scissor hands." "You know the mansion on top of the mountain?" "It's haunted." "Well..." "A long time ago an inventor lived in that mansion." "He made many things, I suppose." "He also created a man." "He gave him insides, a heart, a brain, everything." "Well, almost everything." "You see, the inventor was very old." "He died before he got to finish the man he invented." "So the man was left by himself  incomplete and all alone." "(girl) He didn't have a name?" "Of course he had a name." "His name was Edward." "(doorbell)" "Avon calling!" " Weren't you just here?" " No, not since last season!" "Today I've come to show you our exquisite new line of softer colours, in shadows blushes and lipstick." "Everything you need to accent and highlight your changing look." "My changing look..." "That's good!" "(laughs)" "I also have a complete selection of your old favourites those tried and true products we've all come to depend on year in and year out." "Come on, Peg, I never buy anything from you." "I know." "Bye, Helen." "Um, you didn't have to call me, ma'am." "You could have taken care of this by yourself." "I could?" "I don't think so." "It's easy." "Your food trap's clogged, that's all." "See this bolt here?" "You just unscrew this..." "Mm-hm..." "And out she pops." "On TV they say you repairmen are a lonely bunch." "Housewives get lonely too, though you may not realise it since they haven't made an ad." "And then you just take this and put it back in here nice and easy." "Be careful not to force it." "And then you just screw this back on." " (doorbell)" " Oh, now who could that be?" "Will you excuse me for a moment?" "Now, don't go anywhere." "I'll be right back." "This is fascinating'!" "I wouldn't wanna miss a moment of it!" " Good morning, Joyce." "Avon calling!" " Why, Peg..." "Have you gone blind?" "Can't you see that vehicle in my drive?" "Oh." "Yes." "Don't you realise that means I'm busy?" "OK, now we should decide on lipsticks." "OK, dear, did you like the Winsome Wahini, which looked charming on you or the Bahimini Bliss?" " I like 'em both." " Well, great!" "You don't actually think I have any money, do you?" "(jazzy drumbeat)" "(organ music)" "(child) Ding-dong!" "The Avon lady!" "Just not my day." "(sighs)" "(whispers) Oh, my goodness!" "Oh, it's so beautiful!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "(door creaks)" "Hello?" "Avon calling!" "(whispers) Oh, my!" "(snipping)" "Hello?" "Hello?" "I'm Peg Boggs." "I'm your local Avon representative." "Hello?" "I..." "I'm sorry to barge in like this, but you don't have any reason to be afraid." "Ooh!" "This is some huge house, isn't it?" "Thank goodness for those aerobics... classes." "(snipping)" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Why are you hiding back there?" "You don't have to hide from me." "I'm Peg Boggs." "I'm your local Avon representative and I'm as harmless as cherry pie..." "Oh, my!" "I can see that I've disturbed you." "How stupid of me." "I'll just be going now." "Don't go." "Oh, my!" "What happened to you?" " I'm not finished." " Ohh!" "Put those down." "Don't come any closer." "Please..." "Those are your hands?" "Those are your hands!" "What happened to you?" "Where are your parents?" "Um..." "Your mother?" "Your father?" "He didn't wake up." "Are you alone?" "Do you live up here all by yourself?" "What happened to your face?" "I won't hurt you." "At the very least, let me give you a good astringent." "This will help to prevent infection." "What's your name?" "Edward." "I think you should just come home with me." "Ohh!" " I'm..." "I'm sorry." " No." "No, don't be." "You go ahead and look." "You have every reason to be excited." "Oh!" "You OK?" "You OK?" "(phone rings)" "Hello?" "Hi." "Yeah, it's Marge." "I was standing outside talking to Carol, and Peg drove by." "She had somebody with her." " Did you get a good look at him?" " No, I didn't." "Did she say anything to you about having a guest?" "Nothing at all." "She rang my doorbell at the crack of dawn." "No..." "OK, I'll meet you on the corner." "Right." "Bye." " (engaged tone)" " Oh!" "Damn!" "Here we go, dear." "This is our house." "You can just go right in and make yourself right at home, OK?" "We'll have something to eat or drink, or..." "Whatever you..." "Here, dear." "Here we go." "This is the front door." "Here we go." "Right in here." "Joyce?" "I just saw this strange guy drive in with Peg." "I didn't get a good look." "He looked kinda pale." "On my way." "Don't do anything without me." "Yes!" "Be right there!" "Here we are." "So... um, this is the living room and back here are the bedrooms." "You want to see the pictures?" "All right." "Well, this is my husband Bill." "He's a bowling champion." "Do you know what bowling is?" "Bowling?" "No." "Well..." "Here they are down at the lake, fishing." "I think Kevin looks a little glum because they didn't catch anything that day." "And, um... here's my daughter Kim." "All dressed for the junior prom." "She's a senior now, if you can believe it!" "She's camping in the mountains with friends but she'll be back in a few days." "You can meet then." "Isn't she beautiful?" "That's my family." "Come along." "I'll show you the rest of the house." "Then you can just freshen up and make yourself at home." "That's the kitchen over there." "Help yourself to anything you want." "Those are grapes." "And, um... back here are the bedrooms." "Let me get you some towels and I'll see what we can find for you to wear." "You know what?" "I think I have some of Bill's old clothes in here." "This is perfect!" "Here." "These should just fit you." " (phone rings)" " Oh!" "Don't be alarmed." "That's just the phone." "Now you can go in Kim's room and put these on, and I'll be right with you." "(softly) No, no, scissors." "No, scissors." "That's right." "Well, he was..." "born up there or... something." " Have you seen him before?" " No, I doubt he's ever been off the grounds." "Then how did you ever get together with him?" "Listen, I have to go now." "I'll talk to you later, Marge." "Bye-bye." "(phone rings)" "Sorry, Edward, I didn't..." "May I help you with this?" "Thank you." "There you go." "Oh dear, you've cut your face." "Here." "Let me just get this right off." " Does that hurt?" " No." "Good." "OK." "Now, let's get you dressed." "OK..." "There we go." "Very fine!" "You look fine, just fine!" "Helen, come on!" "She wouldn't wait for you." "I've got rollers in my damn hair!" "OK..." "Now, what did I do with my sciss?" "Edward, um... would you?" "Thank you." "You know, I have a doctor friend who I think could help you." " Really?" " Yes." "Now, I can help with the scars..." "But I just wanna consult the big Avon handbook before doing anything." "(indignant voices)" "(whispers) Kevin!" "Kevin!" "It's not polite to stare, dear." "Think how it would make you feel if somebody were staring at you." " I wouldn't care." " (whispers) Well, I would, so don't do it!" "Well, this must be quite a change for you, right, Ed?" " Edward, dear." "I think he prefers Edward." " Oh, sure." "So what have you been doin' with yourself up there in that big old place?" "I bet the..." " I bet the view must be spectacular, huh, Ed?" " Edward!" "Yes?" "No, I..." "I just..." "See all the way to the ocean, I bet, huh?" "Sometimes." "Bill, could I have the salt and pepper, please?" "Bill, dear, could I have the salt and pepper, please?" "Thank you." "Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Man, those things are cool!" "I bet they're razor-sharp." "One karate chop to a guy's neck..." "Kevin!" "Edward would you like some butter for your bread?" "Great!" "Thank you." "Hey, can I bring him to show and tell on Monday?" "Kevin, I've had enough." "Do you think you can sleep?" "I know things feel strange, but soon you'll feel right at home." " Good night." " Good night." "The light concealing cream goes on first then you blend and blend and blend." "Blending is the secret." "Mm-hm!" "More concealing cream..." "Your complexion is so fair!" "Now, this has a touch of lavender in it..." "Give it a try here." "Close enough!" "OK, this should do the trick here." "Hmph!" "I have another idea." "We'll cover up the scars and start with a completely smooth surface." "Darn this stuff!" "(baseball commentary on radio)" "They still have 11 on the scoreboard, and it's three to one." "It's through the gap to Warren." "Now they change it to 12 hits." "Turn it up, Kevin, I can't hear it!" "(snipping)" "Kevin!" " It's hammered!" " Did you hear that, Mr Boggs?" " No, make it louder!" " It's gone  it's out of here, it's history!" "(cheering)" "Dad..." "Look!" "... to make it a five-run inning and blow this game to pieces!" "I'll be darned." "(baseball fans cheering)" "(tape rewinds)" "They filled the whole tape!" "(woman) What's going on over there, Peg?" "Call me." "Hi, it's Marge." "Who is he?" "Call me." "Oh, by the way, I hear it's pouring rain in the mountains." "Do you think the kids are OK?" "(Joyce) Hey there, darlin'!" "The gals are all in a tizzy about your secret visitor." "You can't keep him a secret for ever!" "(sighs)" "(bowling pins tumble)" "(applause)" "Well, it's just wonderful, Ed." "My God, you have the whole family in there, don't ya?" "And he answers the challenge at first with a strike of his own." "Edward, come here." "No, no, no, that's a terrible idea, son!" "Go to the garage and get the oil can." "We don't want him rusting up on us." "Ohh!" "Edward, you did us!" " Oh, Bill, it's us!" " Yes, it is." "Oh, Edward!" "It's not heaven he's from, it's straight from the stinking flames of hell." "The power of Satan is in him, I can feel it." " Can't you?" "Have you sheep strayed so far?" " We're not sheep." "Don't come near me." " That's right." "Go on, get outta here, run!" " (doorbell)" "Edward, don't you listen to her!" "Don't worry about her, Edward." "She's just a little loony, that's all." "(neighbours) Hi!" "You-all are hidin' in there like hermit crabs." "Hi, Joyce." "Hi!" "Shame on you, keepin' your unusual guest to yourself." "We think that's mighty selfish of you." "Things have been hectic here." "That is so sweet of you to wanna correct the situation." "What time does the barbecue begin?" "Barbecue?" "You intend to introduce your guest to your friends don't you?" " I'll bring coleslaw." "(all make offers)" "And I will bring the ambrosia salad!" " What time was it that you said?" " Uh, what time..." " Bill!" " About five?" "Bill!" "He has been sent first to tempt you!" "But it's not too late." "You must push him from you, expel him." "Trample down the perversion of nature." "Did you hear that?" "He's a perversion of nature." "Why, isn't that exciting'?" "(laughter)" " Bye-bye." " Thanks so much." "(excited laughter and chatter)" "Bill!" "Bill?" "You really can't have a picnic or a barbecue without devilled eggs." "They're just... the best." "They make a thing." "Oh, Edward, that's wonderful!" "I didn't know you'd chopped the whole thing." "We're gonna be..." "Oh." "All right now, it's just a nick." "There's no need to be nervous, dear." "Esmeralda won't be here." "And the rest of the neighbours, they're really very nice." "There's no need to be nervous." "They're so eager to meet you!" "You just have to be yourself." " Myself?" " That's right." "Just your own sweet self." "(tin opener whirs)" "(machine wheezes and gasps)" "(romantic music)" " Thanks, Edward." " Hey!" "Play scissors, paper, stone with us." "Play scissors what?" "I got a doctor friend might be able to help you." " He did them just like that!" " That is incredible." " Hi, Mike, how you doin'?" " Hello, Jack." "Hey, kids!" "Hi, George Monroe." "That's a heck of a handshake you got there, Ed." "Harry!" "I saw you on the golf course last week..." "Are you OK?" "Do you want something to eat?" "Are you hungry?" "Do you want a cracker?" " He's different." " Completely different." "No kidding." " He's so..." " Mysterious." "Yeah." " D'you imagine those hands are hot or cold?" " (stifled laughter)" "And just think what a single snip could do." "Or undo." "Eddie." "Eddie." "The guys and I want to invite you to our card game Friday night." "Would you like that?" "Only thing is... you can't cut!" "I have my own infirmity." "Never did me a bit of harm." "Took some shrapnel during the war, and ever since then I can't feel a thing!" "(hollow clunking)" "Don't you ever let anybody tell you you have a handicap." "Who's handicapped?" "My goodness." "Don't be ridiculous!" "You're not handicapped, you're..." "What do they call the... exceptional?" "My name's Joyce, and I noticed that you have not tasted any of the ambrosia salad that I made especially for you." "Allow me." "Mmm!" "Mmmm!" " You must try this." "It's my mother's recipe." " Doesn't this look gorgeous?" "With a green thumb like yours, I sure could use your help at my place." "I want a row of angels!" "I am so sorry, ladies, but he's promised to come to my house first." "Haven't you, Eddie?" " (mouth full) I did?" " OK, everybody, grab your plates!" "Soup's on!" "(mouth full) Azhuzhizha zhigabab." " What?" " I thuzhizha zhizhgabab." "It is shish kebab." "It was a figure of speech." "You shouldn't take things so literally." "(man) "Let us pretend we are in the drawing room and the hostess is serving tea."" ""Many numerous little questions confront us."" ""Should the man rise when he accepts his cup of tea?"" ""May lump sugar be taken with the fingers?"" "No." ""Is it good form to accept a second cup?"" ""Should the napkin be entirely unfolded or should the centre crease be allowed to remain?"" ""It is so easy to commit embarrassing blunders but etiquette tells us just what is expected of us and guards us from all humiliation and discomfort."" "(chuckles)" "Mm, yes." "Boring." "Let us switch to, uh to some poetry, hm?" ""There was an old man from the Cape,"" ""Who made himself garments of crepe."" ""When asked:" "Will they tear?"" ""He replied:" "Here and there,"" ""But they keep such a beautiful shape!"" "(laughs)" "That's right." "Go ahead, smile." "It's funny." "(laughs) That's right." "(car engine)" "We're home." " (clattering)" " Shit." "Everything's still sopping." " I can hardly wait to take a shower." " And to sleep in a bed." "If my parents have the alarm set, I'm screwed." "I told you to call them and tell them we're coming back early." " But did you?" " Nope, he'd rather complain." "How else am I supposed to get attention?" " You didn't call your parents." " They don't run things like a police state." " Bye." "Thanks for driving, Denny." " (all) Bye." " Bye." " Bye." " Don't forget your arm!" " Oh, yeah." "Come on, Jim, let's go." "(hums)" "(hums)" "(screams)" "There's somebody in my room!" "Go look!" "Look!" "He's a murderer!" "He's got an axe!" "He tried to kill me!" " (Bill) Everything's OK." " Mom, go look!" "Go back to bed, Kevin." "(hysterical screaming)" "This way." "(Peg) Edward's come to live with us." "There is nothing to be upset about." "OK." "We'll have you set up here in a minute." "We got a full queen-size bed here, believe it or not." "Oh, it's all made and everything." "Good." "There you go." "What's the matter?" "What's wrong?" "(chuckles) She get you nervous?" "You've been cloistered away up in that castle too long." "You don't know about the wonderful world of teenage girls." "They're all crazy." " Here, this'll straighten you right out." " What is it?" "Lemonade." "I don't know what it is." "They reach a certain age..." "They develop these gland things, their bodies swell up..." "They go crazy." "Glands?" "Yeah, glands." "I try not to think about it." "(slurps)" "(gulps)" "(gurgling)" "Good, isn't it?" "Now, you stay in Kevin's room tonight and tomorrow we'll fix your room right up." "Why did you have to bring him here?" "I couldn't have left him all alone." "You'd have done the same." "Why does he have to stay here?" "My goodness, Kim, I'm surprised at you." "He can't help the way he is." " Have a little sympathy." " I do have sympathy." "Then say a little greeting." "Come downstairs, shake the man's hand..." " Shake his hand?" "!" " Well, not literally." " Goodness, you scared him half to death!" " I scared him to death?" "Hi, Bill!" "I just wanted you two to have a proper introduction." "Edward, this is our daughter Kim." "Kim, this is Edward, who's gonna live with us." "(groans)" "Hi." "H-h-h..." "H-h-h... (shrieks)" "(# "It's Not Unusual" by Tom Jones)" "Eddie!" "Thirsty?" " (dog yaps)" " Kisses!" "Hush up!" "Shh, quiet now!" "Darlin', I can hardly hear myself think!" "Momma's precious little baby girl... (dog yelps)" "Aah!" "Wouldn't you like a nice cool glass of lemonade?" "Lemonade?" "(retches)" "(school bell)" "One chop to a guy's neck, and it's all over." "Sharpest things in the world." "They can hack through anything." "And..." "(cheering)" "(Kim) They give me the creeps." "(friend) You should see the clown in Miss Peters' yard." "Kim!" " Oh, no." " That's him?" " He's calling you, Kimba." " Stop it!" "(Marge) Edward, you forgot your cookies." "Don't worry, Eddie." "She's waiting for ya!" " (laughs) Stop!" " (friend) Let's go." "Bill, Edward had lunch at Jackie's today and she just had her kitchen completely redone." " I'll be darned." " New paint, new cabinets, new floors a new microwave, new silent dishwasher..." " Isn't that wonderful?" "Jim, didn't you just tell me your mom had her kitchen done too?" "Yeah, my dad bought himself a bunch of new toys." "Big-screen TV, CD players, VCR with four heads..." "My goodness sake!" "I wonder what it's like to be that rich." "They keep things locked up." "My father has his own room for his stuff to make sure I can't use it." "He won't even help me buy an old car." "He probably wants you to pay for it yourself." "It builds character." "You'll appreciate it more." "(Kim) Dad!" "Speaking of money..." "I understand you're not charging for your gardening, Edward." "Now, Bill..." "Marge made him cookies today." "Sweetheart..." "You can't buy the necessities of life with cookies." "You can't buy a car with cookies." "Am I right, Jim?" "Uh, that's true, sir, you can't." "I..." "I can't eat that." "He used his hands." "It's..." "I don't think it's sanitary." "I'm sorry." "(Peg) Honey, you want me to help you clean that up?" "(sighs) No, that's OK." "I'll be right back." "(barks)" "Alexis?" "Oh, this can't possibly be my Alexis!" "She looks so beautiful!" "Look at you!" "Sweetie!" "She's gorgeous." "Thank you!" "It won't be long." "She just has to decide on the style." "And then it'll be fine." "(chattering)" "I was hopin' for somethin' big and kinda bouffant." "Kinda like mine?" "Now don't you worry, Kisses, you're gonna be just fine." "You're gonna be so pretty." "Yes, you are." "Oh!" "Oh!" "My!" "Oh!" "Ohh!" "Oh!" "Eddie, is there anything you can't do?" "You take my very breath away, I swear." "Look at this!" "Have you ever cut a woman's hair?" "Would you cut mine?" "(manic violin music)" "(groans)" "(gasps)" "That was the single most thrilling' experience of my whole life." "They're getting the head of the company!" " (Kim) I'm home!" " Hi, honey." "We're in here." " Hi." " Hi!" "What did you do to your hair?" "Edward cut it." "Isn't it wild?" "Hello?" "Oh, I can't believe I'm talking to you in person." "This is such an honour." "Yes." "He's right here." "So then you know all about it." "Uh-huh." "Well, that's exactly what I've been using." "Well, I've had a little trouble getting it the right consistency... well, just a little." "I'll try that." "Uh-huh." "Well, what imaginative suggestions." "I sure will." "Thank you so much." "Bye-bye." "No wonder she's the head of the company." "You know, she started out as a sales representative just like me." "I've always wanted to talk to her, but until now I never had a reason." "Thanks, Edward." " She had some ideas?" " You bet she did." " Uh-huh!" " Mm-hm!" "I'll get that." "Edward." "We're here." "Come on, let's get you sharpened up." " You got it?" " No." "I can't believe this." "This is such a drag." "Hi!" " Bye." " Bye." "Do you have a key?" "No." " I could have sworn they were in my purse." " Well, we're stranded." "Wow!" "Thanks!" "Ed!" "What a guy!" "Good job." "You didn't break it or scratch it or anything." "Hey, be a pal and yell when Peg pulls in, huh?" "Quite a story, yes?" "Any questions for Edward?" "Yeah?" "Get away over." "Stand right up." "What's been the best part of your new life here in town?" "The friends I've made." "(applause)" "Any other questions?" "Have you ever thought of having corrective surgery or prosthetics?" "I know a doctor that might be able to help you." "I'd like to meet him." "We'll get that name after the show." "Thank you." "That's very nice." "Anyone else?" "Yes, stand right up." "But then you'd be like everyone else." "Yes, I know." "I think he'd like that." "But then no one would think you were special." "You wouldn't be on TV or anything." "No matter what, Edward will always be special." "(applause)" "More questions?" "Yes." "Stand right up." "Your work is so interesting, distinctive and unique." "Do you have any plans to open your own beauty salon?" "(host) Oh, there's an idea!" "Anyone else?" "Yeah." "Stand right up." " Do you have a girlfriend?" " Ohhhh!" "Sure he does." "Right, Kim?" " (Kevin) Right, Kim?" " Great!" "Now you got him started." "Knock it off, bubble-butt." " You did it." " So?" "How about it, Edward?" "Is there some special lady in your life?" "(Jim) Ooh..." "(boys laugh)" "Uh... everything's all right." "We'll take a break and we'll be back after these messages." "Why are you laughing?" "He got hurt!" " It was just a little shock." "What do you care?" " A little shock?" "!" "I wish we'd been taping that." "I'd give my left nut to see that again." "Aren't you excited?" "This is so thrilling'!" "Wait till I show it to you." "It's just perfect." "It's just what we've been lookin' for." "I wanna call it Shear Heaven!" "(laughs)" "Ohh!" "And here we are." "Now, all along here I'm gonna put a row of new mirrors." "And back along here, well, I think..." "Eddie!" "Come along, doll." "Back up here a whole row of new cosmetics." "And all along this row here..." " Peg could sell cosmetics." " Yeah..." "Sure." "And this of course is where we wash the hair." "And here is where I stand..." "when I greet the customers." "But back in here is what I really wanna show you." "(sighs)" "Eddie..." "This is what I really want to show you." "Now, this is the storeroom where we keep everything and what I need from you today is a decision I need you to help me make." "Oh, honey, no!" "No, don't." "That's dangerous." "Now, you just sit right down there..." "I have some smocks." "Would you like me to model them for you?" "Yes." "(whispers) OK." "(# "With These Hands" by Tom Jones)" "# With these hands" "# I will cling to you" "# I'm yours for ever" "# And a day" "Now, this is my favourite." "Because it's yellow..." "And what it's for... (coy laugh)... is to catch those itchy little trimmings that fall down your neck." "And then there's this old purple one that you just kinda drape around you like this." " I like that one." " (laughs)" "Why, Eddie, you're trembling'." "So am I!" "I've been waitin' for this moment for so long." "# And with these hands" "# I'll provide for you" "# Should there be a stormy sea" "# I'll turn the tide for you" "# And I'll never" "# Oh no, I'll never" "# I'll never let you go" "(Joyce) Aagghh!" "Edward!" "Edward, you come back here!" "You can't do that!" "(Bill) Velcro, sweetheart." " It hangs on the dashboard." " I've never seen that." " Sorry I'm late." " Hi, Edward." "Sorry, dear, we had to go ahead without you." "There you go." "So, Edward, did you have a productive day?" "Mrs Monroe showed me where the salon will be." " You could have a cosmetics counter." " Wouldn't that be great?" "Great." "Then she showed me the back room where she took all her clothes off." "Edward, I can't tell you how thrilled I am." "I'm as pleased as punch." "This venture's gonna teach you volumes." "There's nothin' like running your own business." "I've never done it myself but I gather it's the greatest satisfaction a working man can have." "So I guess the bank's gonna be your next step, huh?" "The bank?" "Yeah." "Take out a loan, get yourself started." "Nothin' to worry about." "With your talent and reputation, it's gonna be a snap." "Yeah." "No credit no record ofjobs you've held no savings no personal investments..." "No social security number - you may as well not even exist..." " There is no collateral." " No, we already have a second on the house." "But don't the testimonials count?" "Did you see here the mayor's wife can't wait to become a client?" "We simply can't do it." "Now, get yourself a social security card, establish credit and buy yourself a car." "You have a decided advantage." "You can get a handicapped placard and park anywhere you like." "I can't believe it." "It's just an outrage." "But don't you worry." "This isn't the end of it." "We'll get your money somehow." " (Kim) But that's breaking and entering." " (Jim) My parents have insurance up the rear." "What'll it cost them?" "A little hassle, that's about it." " We can't." " This guy'll give us cash for the stuff." "I don't want to." "You don't want us to have our own van where we can be alone?" "And a mattress in the back?" "Why can't you do it?" "Because the room's locked and we need Edward to get us in." "Can't you take the key when he's sleeping?" "The only thing he hangs on to tighter is his dick." " Razor Blades'll do anything for you." " That's not true." " Oh, no?" "Why don't you ask him?" " That's not fair." " So what?" "There isn't any other way." " There's gotta be." "Look, I've racked my brain." "Don't you want us to have our own van?" "Well... yeah." "(Kim) Jim, the lights are on!" "Those go on automatically." "They're gone for the weekend, I told you." "(Denny) In case of burglars." " (Kim) You turned off the alarm?" " Yes." "Let's go." "(Kim) I hate this." "(girl) Are you sure he doesn't know this is Jim's house?" " This person stole from you?" " Shh!" "Keep it down!" "I told you he stole it, OK?" "Let's go!" "Tell his parents and they'll make him give it back." "Listen, I already tried that." "Now, you told Kim you'd do this." "Let's go." "Come on!" "Come on!" "OK, come on." "Come on." "Come on, come on, come on!" "Now!" "Come on!" "(alarm sounds)" "The bastard had it wired separately." "Come on!" "No, Jim, we can'tjust leave him here!" " Come on." " I'm not gonna do this!" " Just come on, Kim." " Stop!" "Put me down!" "Put me down!" "(alarm continues)" "(police siren)" "We know you're in there!" "We're in the process of deactivating the system so that you can come out!" "(alarm stops)" " Denny, turn around!" " No way." "Jim, they can't arrest you for setting off your own alarm." "We'll tell 'em we freaked and ran." " I'm not going back there, OK?" " We have to!" "No." "My father would prosecute." " His own son?" " Especially his own son." "And if Edward tells I'll kill him!" " Denny, turn around!" " No!" "You have to!" "We want your hands high in the air where we can see them!" "Put your hands up!" "He's holding something." "Looks like knives." "Drop your weapons!" "I repeat- drop your weapons!" "I'm gonna ask you one more time." "This is your last warning." "Drop your weapons." "If you fail to do so we'll have to open fire." "Don't make us do that, buddy." "Drop your weapons." "Drop 'em!" "Now!" "Looks like we got a psycho." " Prepare to fire!" " (Marge) No!" "No!" " Stand back, ladies!" " Those aren't weapons, those are his hands!" "Please." "We know him." "All right." "Cuff him." " But we can see him now?" " We're going to have to hold him overnight." " He has to stay in prison all night?" " You can pick him up in the morning." "Oh, Edward!" "Hello, Edward." "Oh, Edward, dear." "I blame myself." "(Bill) What in God's name was going through your mind, son?" "(Peg) Why didn't I set a better example?" "You saw how I envied Jim's parents." "What were you gonna do with that stuff?" "I blithely say "We'll get money for the salon somehow" but I never meant stealing." "Dear, stealing's not the way to get it." "Stealing's not the way to get anything." "(Bill) Uh-uh." "Except trouble." "And you're in a serious heap of that." "Oh, Edward." "Why ever did you do this?" " Damn those TV programmes!" " Damn them all to hell!" "Or did somebody put you up to this?" "Will he be OK, doc?" "The years spent in isolation have not given him the tools to judge right from wrong." "He's had no context." "He's been completely without guidance." "Furthermore his work, the garden sculptures, hairstyles and so forth indicate that he's a highly imaginative character." "His awareness of what we call reality is radically underdeveloped." "But will he be all right out there?" "Oh, yeah." "He'll be fine." "Listen, it could keep me up all night worrying about ya." "You watch yourself, you hear?" "I happened to be up, so I heard all this noise..." "All along I felt in my gut there was somethin' wrong with him." " It could have been my house." " Or any of our houses, but..." "I warned you, didn't I?" "I saw the sign of Satan on him." "You didn't heed my warning, but now you will." "Because now you can see it too." "Edward, you stay here." " (man) What do you say in your defence?" " (Edward) Nothing." " He doesn't want to talk." " (woman) You have to say something." " He can't talk right now." " No comments?" "No remarks?" "(man) So, were you set up?" "What was going through your mind?" "Huh?" "What do you have to say for yourself?" " (woman) One comment." "One comment." " (Peg) Later." "Goodness, Lois, it looks like I'll see you at our Christmas party before I get you over for your haircut!" "Well, of course we're gonna have it this year." "We have it every year." "Why wouldn't we?" "Well!" "You may think that, but you're wrong." "You're here." "They didn't hurt you, did they?" "Were you scared?" "I tried to make Jim go back, but you can't make Jim do anything." "Thank you for not telling them that we..." "You're welcome." "It must have been awful when they told you whose house it was." "I knew it was Jim's house." "You... you did?" "Yes." "Well, then why'd you do it?" "Because you asked me to." "(Jim) Kimba!" "Kimmy!" "(whistles) Hey!" " Don't!" " What's the matter with you?" "When are you gonna stop?" "I did what I could." "My old man thinks he's retarded, so he's free." "What more do you want?" " You could tell the truth." " So could you." "You were there too!" " You know I didn't wanna do it." " But you did do it." "I don't get why you give such a shit anyway." "(smashing)" "(Bill) Maybe there's a way you can replace the drapes and the towels but our confidence in you is not gonna be so easy to replace." "(Kim) Dad..." "OK." "A little ethics." "You're walkin' down the street." "You find a suitcase full of money." "There's nobody around." "No human person is in evidence." "What do you do?" "A:" "You keep the money." "B:" "You use it to buy gifts for your friends and your loved ones." "C:" "You give it to the poor." "D:" "You turn it in to the police." " Dad, this is really stupid." " (Peg) Kim!" " I'd keep the money." " Simmer down." "Edward?" "Hey, how about after dinner we go down to the bowling alley?" "That'd be fun." "You're not seeing Jim tonight?" "No." "We had the coolest show and tell today." "This kid brought in a box of baby possums." "Ten, maybe twelve." "Totally naked." " No hair at all." " Honey, your father isn't finished yet." "Thank you, dear." "Edward, we're waiting." "Give it to my loved ones?" "Oh, Edward, it does seem that that's what you should do, but it's not." "You dope, everybody knows you're supposed to give it to the police." "Good thinking, Kevin." "Well, think about it, you guys." "I mean, that's the nicer thing to do." "That's what I would do." "We're not trying to confuse him, we're trying to make things easier, so cut the comedy." "I am being serious, Dad." "It's a much nicer thing to do." "Forget nice." "We're talking right and wrong." " (sniggers)" " Shut up!" "Oh, goodness!" "No wonder poor Edward can't learn right from wrong, living in this family!" "Well, did you hear what he did to Peg's curtains?" "It's unbelievable they're having their party anyway." "Are you going?" "I don't think so." "He practically raped Joyce, threatening her with those knives." "It's a miracle she escaped." "I have nothing against Bill and Peg, but..." "I know." "They've got that teenage daughter in the house." "Those poor things!" "After what happened to me..." "Can you imagine?" "What did you say about the Christmas party?" "I said I hoped we could make it." "I lied too." "Edward?" "Do you want to give me that new haircut?" " Again?" " Yeah, sure!" "It makes me proud to have you as my own personal hairdresser." " Hi, honey." " Hi." " Kevin, want to play scissors, paper, stone?" " No." " Why?" " It's boring." "I'm tired of always winning." " People's feelings, please." "A few manners!" " I'll be outside." "Never you mind, dear." "Just... cut away." "Cut away." "# I saw three ships come sailing by" "# On Christmas day, on Christmas day" "# I saw three ships come sailing by" "# On Christmas day in the morning" "It needs something... else." "What do you think, honey?" " More bells?" " More bells." "OK." "Mom, do you really think we should be having this party?" "Of course I think we should be having this party." "It's just what we need to calm things down, and... everything'll go back to normal." "Hm?" "Do you have any more bells, honey?" "(snipping)" "Hey!" "(Jim) Now you've done it." "It's just a scratch, Jim, really." "It's OK." " Touch her again and I'll kill ya." " It's no big deal." " Call a doctor." "He skewered Kim." " No!" "Stay away from her." "I mean it!" "You can't touch anything without ruining it." "Why do you hang around here anyway?" "I want you to sit right down and wait for me to bring you some ice." "Stay right there." "I'll be right back." "# On Christmas day in the morning" "Get the hell outta here!" "Get the hell out!" "Go!" "Freak!" "Hey, Edward, where are you goin'?" "Where is he?" " He tried to hurt you." " He did not, and you know it." "Are you nuts?" "I just saw him!" "Jim, I don't love you any more." "I just want you to go, OK?" "Just go!" "Are you serious?" "And lose you to that?" "He isn't even human." "Just get out of here, OK?" "Just go!" "Dad, did you see where Edward went?" "I don't know." "He just waltzed down the street." " We have to find him, Mom." " Your father will find him." "Go on in the house." "I'll take care of it." "I'll go find him. (whistles tune)" "Edward!" "I'm calling the police!" "(# "We Three Kings Of Orient Are" over heavy drumbeat)" "(snipping)" "(screams)" "See all that blood, sweetie?" "And it's just a little cut." "(doorbell)" "Oh!" "Hello." "I'm here to see the man with the hands." "Ohh!" " Uh..." " He's not here." "Thank you." "Oh, dear." "(Marge) Helen, did you actually see him?" "Yes!" "Look!" "(all talk at once)" "I'm looking for the man with the scissors." " Thank God you're here." " He went right down that way, sir." "All right, calm down, calm down." "Go on home." "We'll handle it." "Just go home." " A... a demon." "A demon." " You gotta do somethin'!" "I'm sure your father'll find him soon." "What time is it?" "It's almost 8.30." "Great party, huh?" "Mom, where are they?" " God, I hope he's OK." " So do I, honey." "You know, when I brought Edward down here to live with us I really didn't think things through." "And I didn't think about what could happen to him." "Or to us." "Or to the neighbourhood." "And now I think that maybe it might be best if he goes back up there." "Because at least there he's safe." "And we'd just... go back to normal." "(door opens)" "I got halfway to the Whitmans'." "I didn't see him anywhere." "Let's get in the car and go look for him." " Where's Kevin now?" " At Max's." "Oh, for God's sakes!" " Where do you think you're goin'?" " With you guys." " You stay here in case somebody shows up." " We'll be right back, dear." "Police!" "Edward?" "Are you OK?" "Yes." "Are you OK?" "Where is everybody?" "Out looking for you." "Hold me." "I can't." "I know it's a little early for Christmas, Edward, but I have a present for you." "(Jim opens can) Forget holding her hand." "Picture the damage he could do other places." "(laughs) Yeah." "That's sick." "Ugh!" "I feel like I'm gonna pass out or puke or something." "Later." "First, take me to her house." "Come on." "Don't make me drive." "Just do it!" "Jesus." "Maybe she was right about you." " Just drive!" " Relax!" " (Max) See you tomorrow." "Call me." " All right." "Have they caught him yet?" " Who?" " Him!" "That... that cripple." "Let me know when they do." "Let us all know, OK?" "Like a good boy." "Kevin." " Urgh!" " Are you OK?" " It's OK." " Ow!" "(Kevin) Ow!" "Ow!" " Edward, stop!" " I'm your friend." "(Helen) Help us!" "What are you doing?" "Get away from him!" "(hysterical shouting)" "Hey..." " Let go of me!" " What?" "Kevin!" "(shouting)" " Get away!" " Edward, come home." "Come home!" "(screaming)" "(siren)" "Run." "Kevin's all right!" "It was just the tiniest scratch!" "He's gone." "Let's not bother him, all right?" "Let's just leave him alone." "(gunshots)" "Go on, run." " What happened?" "Is he dead?" " Did you get him?" "It's all over." "Go on home." "There's nothing more to see." "What happened out there?" "I want to know!" "I want some answers!" "It is all over." "(Helen) Where is he?" "Where is he?" "(woman) Get back here!" "I wanna ask you something!" "Look at that!" "I don't believe this." "They don't have him." "I'm goin'." "No!" "That's not a good idea." "They're coming?" "Did I hurt Kevin?" "No, he's OK." "Mostly he was just scared." "Edward, I was so afraid." "I thought you were dead." "I didn't." "No!" "No!" "Jim, stop!" "No!" "No!" "Stop it." "Or I'll kill you myself." "Aagh!" "Hey!" "I said stay away from her!" "(shouting in distance)" "(whispers) Goodbye." "(whispers) I love you." "(screaming)" "(man) l-ls he in there?" "He's dead." "The roof caved in on him." "They killed each other." "You can see for yourselves." "See?" "(Helen) I'm goin' home." "Joyce..." "She never saw him again." "Not after that night." "How do you know?" "Because I was there." "You could have gone up there." "You still could go." "No, sweetheart." "I'm an old woman now." "I would rather him remember me the way I was." "How do you know he's still alive?" "I... don't know." "Not for sure, but..." "I believe he is." "You see, before he came down here  it never snowed." "And afterwards it did." "If he weren't up there now, I don't think it would be snowing." "Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it."