"[ School Bell Rings ]" "Hey,There..." "Hot Stuff." "If I Could Rearrange The" "Alphabet, I Would Put "I" And" ""U" [YOU] Together." "Yeah?" "Hello." "Are You Taking Any Applications" "For A Boyfriend?" "A-Are You A Parking Ticket?" "What?" "You -- 'Cause -- 'Cause You" "Got " " You Got "Fine" Written" "All Over You." "Oh." "That's Okay." "Oh." "That's Okay." "A-Are You Sunburned, Or Are" "You " " Are You Always This Hot?" "Tsss!" "Oh." "This One's Good." "I Wish You Were A Dsl So I Could" "Have High-Speed Access." "Yeah." "Thought Of That One." "All Right." "All:" "D-R-A-G-O-N-S!" "Go, Dragons, Go!" "Whoo!" "Okay,Now,ThatWas" "Unnecessary." "Hey." "Dirt Girl." "See That Trash?" "You Need To Pick It Up." "DoYouBelieveInLove" "At First Sight..." "[ Chuckles ] ...Or Should I Just Walk By" "Again?" "[ Laughs ]" "Is There An Airport Nearby, Or" "Is That Just My Heart Taking" "Off?" "Are You From Tennessee?" "Because You're The Only Ten" "That I See." "Ugh." "DoYouHaveARaisin?" "No?" "How 'Bout A Date?" "Your Name Must Be Lucky Charms," "Because You Are Magically" "Delicious." "[ Chuckles ]" "I Do Like Lucky Charms." "I-I Really Hope You Have A" "License, Because You're Driving" "Me Crazy." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Y." "Did You Fart?" "Because You Blow Me Away." "[ Blows ]" "[ Car Horn Blares ]" "Hey!" "Out Of The Way, Dork Face." "And Have My Friggin' Homework" "Done By Second Period." "Peace." "She'sTheMostHottestBabe" "In Our Class." "SheHasBeenSinceTheEighth" "Grade." "She'sHotterThanThe Center" "Of The Most Glorious Firework" "Exploding In The 4TH Of July" "Night Sky." "ComeFindMe ." "Yo!" "Look,Dude,Clark'sGone." "Now's The Perfect Time To Talk" "To Her." "AreYouCrazy?" "He'll Smash Me." "Look,Now'sYourChance." "You Can Do It." "Carrie!" "What?" "I'mPayton." "I'veAlwaysBeenADork ." "I'veAlwaysBeenMore" "InterestedInComicBooksThan" "InSports." "AndDespiteHowHardMyDad" "TriedToMakeMeOne, I've" "NeverBeenAJock." "Ow." "Ow." "MyComicBookStartsHere ." "SeeThatHandsomeDevil?" "Yeah,That'sMe ." "And Next To Me, That's The Girl" "I'mGonnaMarrySomeday" "CarrieSmith." "SheWasPerfect" "The Mary Jane To My Spider-Man," "The Lois Lane To My Clark Kent," "ThePrincessTo My Mario." "OfCourse,There'sAlways" "SomethingInTheWay ,Some" "Thing Called Clark Hayes." "HeWasBiggerThanMeAnd" "Better-LookingThanMe " " In" "TheTraditional,HandsomeSort" "OfWay,If You'reIntoThat ." "IfI 'mGonnaDefeatHim And" "Make Senior Year Different Than" "EveryOtherYear,I'm Gonna" "HaveToBecomeASuperhero." "I Need The Amazing, Incredible," "ExtraordinaryPowerTo ..." "TalkToHer." "Your Hair!" "MyHair?" "YourLightLooksVery" "Beautiful In That Hair." "What?" "No." "That's Really Wrong." "Y-Your Hair Is, Uh..." "Oh." "[Sighs]" "HereWeGo Again." "It'sLikeEveryYear,He" "ForgetsI 'mA Cheerleader." "Ew." "Gross." "He'sBeenTryingToGetInto" "MyPantiesSinceTheyWere" "Diapers." "Can't He See The Uniform That I" "WearEveryDay?" "ItMeans"KeepOff ."" "UnlessYou'reAJockOr" "IronMan." "He'sSoHot." "No!" "Wait!" "Carrie!" "That's..." "Not What I Meant." "[Gasps]" "Oh!" "[ Laughter ]" "You..." "You Are Not Gonna Ruin Senior" "Year For Me!" "[ Scoffs ]" "[ Whimpers ]" "FiveMinutesIn ,AndI've" "Already Managed To Screw Things" "Up!" "CupcakesWereMy SurefireWay" "To Win Over The Teachers." "Operation Brownnose Is A Fail!" "GoodCupcakes,Though." "Chocolate" "MyFavorite." "W-Where'dYou" "Mm." "DidY" "DidYou JustGet" "That...?" "What?" "ComeOn." "[ School Bell Rings ]" "Where'sThatNerdGirlWith" "My Cupcake?" "Hello?" "AllRight,Boys,ComeOn." "Shake A Leg." "Let's Go." "Payton, Come On." "Get Dressed." "Wrestling Starts Today." "IDon'tThinkThat'sAGood" "Idea." "[ Sighs ]" "[Sighs]" "What Now, Payton?" "EveryTimeWe WrestleInGym" "Class, I Get A Bloody Nose." "IThinkYou'reExaggerating," "Payton." "No." "No,I'mNot ." "I Keep Track Of It In My" "Journal." "[Chuckling]Journal?" "NoOneKeepsAJournal." "Let'sGo." "Come On." "Come On." "In The Office." "In The Office." "Let's Go." "Come On!" "Get Ready!" "Son, Son, Son." "Dad..." "Dad..." "Dad." "Payton,WhatHaveIAlways" "Said?" "Men Don't..." "Cry,PeeSittingDown,Ask" "For Directions, Talk About Your" "Feelings, Talk About Your" "Weight, Shave Your Pubic Hair," "Drive A Miata, Cuddle After Sex," "Own A Pug, Wear Pink, Think The" "Packers Are A Real Team, Listen" "To Show Tunes, And..." "Wipe More Than Once." "Done." "Men..." "Don'tTalkAbout" "Journals..." "AROUND OTHER MEN." "No,YouNeverToldMeThat." "It'sUnderstood!" "You Don't Have To Say It!" "It's Implied!" "Come On." "Get Dressed For Wrestling." "Let's Go." "Dad." "Bloody Nose." "Son,What'sTheWorstThat" "Can Happen?" "Okay,TheBloodyNoseIsA" "Given,ButThenILose SoMuch" "BloodThatIPassOut." "I Miss A Pop Quiz In Math Class" "AndEndUp FailingBecauseOf" "It,AndMy DreamsOfGoingTo" "CollegeAreForeverRuined." "So I Work At A Gas Station, But" "TheyWon'tLetMeRunThe" "Register Because They Know That" "IFailedMathClass,SoThey" "PutMeOn ANightShift,AndA" "CrazedDrugAddictAttemptsTo" "RobMeThisOne NightToFeed" "His Heroin Addiction, But Since" "I Can't Work The Cash Register," "HeShootsMe AndHeKillsMe" "Dead." "[ Grunts ]" "See?" "You Didn't Pass Out." "Ow." "Ow." "Ow." "[ Laughter ]" "Okay,Girls." "From The Top." "Ready?" "Together:" "Okay!" "Whoo!" "Let'sGo!" "InTheCenterOfA" "Paramecium, That Is Where All" "The Eating Takes Place." "[ School Bell Rings ]" "All Right." "That's Biology For Today." "Don't Forget Pages 49 Through 57." "Where Do You Think You're Going," "Payton?" "DoYouNeedToTalk ToMe ?" "IWasWorriedAboutYou," "Payton." "You Seemed..." "Distracted In Class" "Today." "Is It Because Your Dad Has A New" "Girlfriend?" "[Scoffs]" "My Dad Has A New Girlfriend?" "Mm-Mnh-Mm." "Word Around The Water Cooler Was" "That He Had A Date." "IDon'tKnowWhatYou're" "Talking About." "There'sNoOneSpecialInHis" "Life?" "He Would Tell You If There Was" "Something Serious Going On," "Wouldn't He?" "Yeah,I Don'tKnow." "So,There'sNobodyNew InHis" "Life?" "IDon'tKnow." "SoYouDon'tKnow." "You Don't Know." "What Do You Know?" "MyDadOnlyHas RoomForMe," "Gale, And Ditka." "Ditka." "Is That That Ukrainian" "Supermodel?" "No!" "No, It's The Former Head Coach" "Of The Bears." "Oh!" "[ Laughing ] Ditka." "Right." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Inhales Deeply ]" "Okay." "Well..." "That Will Be All." "Okay." "[Chuckles]" "[ Chuckling ] Ditka." "Wow." "GoodReviews." "Okay, Coach." "YouCanLearnALotFrom" "WatchingFootball." "[Chuckles]" "Amen." "AndParenting,That'sALot" "LikeCoaching." "Don'tI KnowIt ." "Now,I KnowTwoThingsFor" "Certain" "LifeIs HardAnd" "It'sNotAlwaysFair,ButIt" "BeatsTheHellOut OfThe" "Alternative." "You'veGotTo GetYourSonIn" "TheGame,YouGot ToGetHim" "Motivated,AndYouGot ToGet" "HimToFinish." "ICanDo That,Coach." "MaybeYourSon'sADork ." "MaybeHe'sALittleBitMore" "IntoComicBooksThanHeIs" "Girls." "It'sLikeYou'reLookingInto" "My Very Soul, Coach." "YouCanStillGuideThem To" "BeTheBestDorkThey CanBe." "Now,GoOutThereAndGiveHim" "Hell." "AndRemember" " Go ,Bears!" "Go,Bears!" "Go, Bears." "Oh." "LookingAt Porn,Dork?" "WhatDoYouWant,Clark?" "ToKickYourAss ." "[ Chuckles ]" "What Else?" "Boo!" "Actually, I Need Your Help." "I'mAlreadyDoingYourMath" "Homework And Your Biology Essay." "ThisIsDifferent." "This Is Important, Okay?" "I Need You To Teach Me" "Everything You Know About..." "Comic Books." "Why?" "Y-YouDon'tNeedToKnow" "About That." "Okay,Fine." "Meet After School At The" "Comic-Book Shop." "[Sighs]" "I'll Have To Bring Carrie." "♪I 'mAllAboutThe Sexy♪" "♪ Ah, Yeah ♪" "♪ Uh, Uh ♪" "♪ Ah, Yeah ♪" "♪ I'm All About The Sexy ♪" "♪ Ah, Yeah ♪" "ComeCloser,Payton." "Well,I Mean..." "IGuessI-If" "You L" " If You Have To Bring" "Her, Then, You Know, I Guess..." "I Guess It's All Right." "AndSheCan'tFindOutAbout" "This." "IGuessYouCouldTell Her" "The School's Cracking Down On" "Cheating And I Have To Pass You" "Your Homework Inside Comic" "Books." "What" "AndShe'llBelieve" "That?" "IfYouTellHer ItWasMy" "Idea, She Will." "[Chuckles]" "Cool." "All Right." "Dorks." "WhoWouldYouRatherDo?" "Oh,MyFavoriteGame." "AnAdamHughesGirlOrA" "Dave Stevens Girl?" "Oh,Well,I'mSurprisedBy" "The Question." "BecauseWhy?" "Well,BecauseIThoughtIt" "Was Going To Be This Super" "Heroine Or That Super Heroine." "MyQuestionIs TresCrafty." "IThinkTheStevensWomenAre" "A Bit More Subtle." "You Know, Like, I Want To Marry" "A Stevens Girl." "Well,ThenYou'reAFool ," "Payton." "I Would Make Sweet Love To An" "Adam Hughes Drawing." "I Mean, Not Even One Come To" "Life " " I Mean The Actual" "Drawing." "Hmm." "Don't Worry." "You Know I Always Use" "Protection." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Sighs ]" "ThisGirlRazorIs..." "Quite Fetching." "Be Gentle." "I'm Still Mint." "[ Sighs Deeply ]" "NowYou'veDoneIt." "[Gasps]Oh, No." "Ollie, I'm Sorry." "I Know You Have Dibs On Razor." "AndYouSayThatYou'reMy" "Friend?" "NoHardFeelings." "I'll Give You My Claim To" "Night Nurse." "NotGoodEnough!" "Uh,ExcuseMe ,Sir." "Is This Where One Might Find" "Oh,Hey,Clark." "Nice Jacket." "Oh,Wow." "It'sCarrieIn AComic-Book" "Shop?" "CouldMyDayBeAnyMore" "Awesome?" "Oh,God." "He 'sLookingAtMe." "IGotTo GetHim ToStop" "DroolingAllOverMe." "Hey,Carrie." "Hey,Carrie." "Hey,Carrie." "[ Record Scratches ]" "Hey,Man,NobodyKnowsWe're" "Here, Right?" "HaveYouEverDancedWith The" "Devil By The Pale Moonlight?" "WhatIsThat,Comic-Book" "Lingo?" "'Cause I Never Read Any." "He'sMakingFunOfYou," "Dumb Ass." "Here." "These Are Good To Start With." ""Spider-Man"?" "[ Scoffs ]" "Saw The Movie." "Don't Need To Read This One." "Actually,TheComicBookIs" "Completely Different From The" "Movie." "Whatever." "Let'sGo ." "Hi,Payton." "Have You Ever Checked Out" ""Li'l Depressed Boy"?" "It's My Favorite Webcomic" "Series." "It's About A Shy Guy Who Has A" "Hard Time Talking To Girls." "WebcomicsAreForPeopleWho" "Can't Get Dates." "AllComicsAreFor PeopleWho" "Can't Get Dates." "IBetPaytonCouldGetA" "Date." "Uh, The Entire Romero Saga Is" "Playing At The Tivoli This" "Weekend " ""Night Of The Living Dead,"" ""Dawn Of The Dead,"" ""Day Of The Dead,"" ""Land Of The Dead," And" ""Diary Of The Dead."" "[ Chuckles ]" "That's A Lot Of Hot Zombie" "Action." "Well,I Don'tKnowAnyoneWho" "Wants To Go, And I Don't Want To" "Go Alone." "Really?" "Because I Also Want To Go, And I" "Don't Have Anyone To Go With." "ThatSucks." "I Guess We'll Both Miss It." "Hey, Carrie, Do You Like" "Zombies?" "[Scoffs]" "WhatA Dork." "Hey!" "They'reAPerfectPair !" "ThisIsJustLikeNewton's" "FirstLaw" " An ObjectAtRest" "WillStayAt Rest,And An" "ObjectInMotionWillNot" "ChangeItsVelocityUnlessAn" "UnbalancedForceActsUpon" "Them." "SoIfPaytonIsTheObjectAt" "Rest And Samantha Is The Object" "InMotionAndI'm The" "UnbalancedForce,ThenAll I" "HaveToDo Is To GetThem" "Traveling Toward Each Other And" "ThenCollide,AndThenPresto!" "DorkLove." "AndPayton" " Well,Payton" "LeavesMeAlone." "Go,Bears!" "That'sMyGirl." "YouShouldProbablyTeachHer" "How To Say Other Things At Some" "Point." "Oh,ComeOn ." "She Knows Other Stuff." "You Know She Actually Speaks At" "A Right-Tackle Level?" "Come On." "Watch The Game, Or I'll Make You" "Run Laps." "Okay." "Okay, Okay." "Catch It." "Catch It." "Catch It!" "Yes!" "RunThatShit!" "Gale!" "What?" "Dad!" "What?" "GaleJustSaid"Shit"!" "WhileWatchingAGame." "She's6 !" "Oh,ComeOn ." "She's Not Too Young To Learn How" "To Properly Watch Football." "ThisIsWhyShe NeedsAWoman" "Figure In Her Life." "[Chuckling]ComeOn." "YouDidOkayWithoutOne." "Great." "Thanks." "What?" "I Didn't Mean Anything." "[ Door Slams ]" "Okay, Let's Watch That Catch" "Again." "You See That?" "Mm-Hmm." "SeeTheQuarterbackInThe" "Pocket?" "Mm-Hmm." "YouSeeAllThatProtection" "Around Him?" "Uh-Huh." "YouKnowWhatThat'sCalled?" "GoodShit." "GoodShit." "[Giggles]" "Okay,FirstStepInMyMaster" "Plan" "FindPayton." "I'mGonnaHaveToBeNiceTo" "HimIfThisIsGonnaWork." "You're Paranoid." "You Like Dark, Hidden Places" "Where You Know You'll Be Alone," "Where No One Can Torment Or" "Torture You." "WhatAreYou,A" "Psychotherapist?" "[ Clank ]" "Ow!" "ISawIt On "Dr.Phil."" "He Did This Whole Thing On It" "Last Thursday." "Pfft!" "I'm Not Paranoid, Okay?" "I Just Like It Here." "You'reParanoidWhenItComes" "To Girls." "That's For Sure." "What?" "You'reTooScaredToAskA" "Girl Out Who's Standing Right In" "Front Of You, Begging To Be" "Asked." "WhatAreYouTryingToSay?" "♪ComeHere,Baby,Ah♪" "♪ Come Here, Baby, Ah ♪" "♪ Come Here, Baby, Ah ♪" "[Scoffs]" "Samantha's Sweet, Nice." "Most Importantly, She's Into" "You." "Samantha?" "[Growls]" "H-Hi,Payton." "Hi ." "Hey,Payton." "Hi ." "Hi,Payton." "YouDon'tWantToGoOutWith" "Her." "Don'tListenTo Him." "She's A Great Catch For A Guy" "Like You." "GirlsAren'tInterestedIn" "Me." "They Just Want To Be My Friend." "Hey,DoYouHaveAny" Batman"" "Or "Superman" Books?" "I Want Some Of Those." "Look,It'sNo BigDealIf" "You're Too Scared To Ask A Girl" "Out." "What,DidDr.PhilAlso DoA" "Show On Reverse Psychology?" "LastMonday." "Why?" "I'mNotGonnaAsk Her Out ," "Okay?" "GoodCall." "She's Got No Tits And A Big Ass." "It's The Worst Combination." "Seriously" "YouGotToAsk" "Her Out." "What's The Worst That Could" "Happen?" "Well,SheAndAll Her Friends" "CouldLaughAt Me In The" "HallwayInFrontOfTheWhole" "School,ScarringMe ForLife," "DestroyingMySelf-EsteemTo" "The Point Where I Have No Nerve" "To Ask Another Girl Out As Long" "AsI Live,AndIBecomeA" "Miserable,LonelyOldMan Who" "Dies Alone, Completely Unloved." "ThisIsGonnaBeHarderThan" "IThought." "[Sighs]" "[ Stopwatch Ticking ]" "[ Stopwatch Beeps ]" "Come On." "Bronko." "Hi." "Hey." "Great, Um, Great Bears Game" "Last Sunday, Huh?" "Oh,Yeah,Yeah." "Yeah." "Well, Except In The Third" "Quarter, When They Were Up" "Against A Cover 2 Zone." "They Tried To Run A Tackle Left." "Oh." "AreYouKiddingMe?" "!" "Everybody Knows When You're In" "That Situation, You Run A Post" "Pattern For An Easy Touchdown" "There, Right?" "Right." "Yeah." "Right?" "!" "Yeah,Right." "That's Crazy." "Crazy." "IMean,In ACover2Zone" "Situation, Everybody Knows You" "Got To Run A Post Pattern." "EvenYouKnow!" "IKnowThat,And I'm Not Even" "A Coach!" "IKnow." "Kills Me." "Yeah." "Hey, You Know, I Was Looking For" "A Good Place To Watch The Game" "This Sunday, And I Was" "Wondering " " Do You Know Any" "Good Places, Any..." "Recommendations?" "[ExhalesDeeply]" "I, Uh..." "Well, Uh..." "Not Really." "[ School Bell Rings ]" "[ Indistinct Conversations ]" "StayOnThePavement,Fellas." "Yeah, You Heard Me, Smirk Face." "TookMeAllNight." "Wow." "NiceBalls." "Dude,TheyGotYou Again." "[ Chime Tone Plays ]" ""LetMeTeachYou AFew" "ThingsAboutGirls."" "You Know That Line In "Hamlet,"" ""ToThineOwnselfBeTrue "?" "Lesson1 " "Don'tDo That." "Lesson2 " "ComplimentsAre" "Good." "Over-ComplimentingShows" "Desperation." "WomenSenseDesperationLike" "DogsSenseFear." "[Chomps]" "OrFood." "[Chuckles]" "I'mNotSureWhich." "Lesson3 " "ReallyDon'tBe" "Yourself." "Can'tStressThisEnough." "Carrie'sShirtIs Way" "Boobalicious." "No,Seriously." "Way Boobalicious." "Boobalicious?" "Really?" "She'sA PersonWithFeelings," "YouKnow." "I'dLoveTo Be FeelingAll Up" "InHerAndShit." "Don'tHateThePlaya," "Home-Diggity." "[ Chime Tone Plays ]" "RollingHillsDragonsRule," "Baby!" "Waaahooooow!" "Lesson4 " "PayNo Attention" "ToClark." "Pay Attention To Things Like..." "HerNailPolish." "Girls Like When You Notice That" "SortOfThing." "AndLesson5" " PossiblyThe" "MostImportantLessonYou 'll" "GetFromMe ." "AlwaysTellHotGirlsThey 're" "SmartAndSmartGirlsThey 're" "Hot." "Okay." "Payton." "[Smooches]" "Payton." "ThisOneIs So Good." "WhatYouGuysWatching?" "Football." "ButIt'sWednesday." "They Don't Have Football On" "Wednesday." "Oh,Yeah." "Uh, This Is One From The, Uh, '85 Season." "SuperBowlGame?" "No." "ChampionshipGame?" "No." "Look " " The Fog Bowl." "Fog Just Came In." "It Looks Like They're Playing On" "Mount Olympus." "YouNeedHelp,Dad ." "Well,I ThinkIt 'sImportant" "That Gale Has A Sense Of" "History." "Go,Bears!" "That'sMyGirl." "Hey, You Know, You Could Sit" "Down And Watch With Us, You" "Know, Like A Family." "FamiliesDoMoreThanJust" "Watch Football Together." "It Wasn't Like This Before Mom" "Died." "Okay." "Just Don't Say Her Name." "IDidn'tMentionHer Name." "I Said "Mom."" "Why Can't We Talk About Her?" "You Know " " You Know, Parenting" "Is More Than Just Learning About" "Football." "YouKnowWhat?" "You Can Learn A Lot Watching" "Football." "Like Mike Ditka Says, "If Things" "Came Easy, Then Everybody Would" "Be Good At What They Did."" "Okay,Dad." "AllRight." "And We Watch..." "Movies, You Know?" "Right." "Because "Snakes On A Plane" Is" "Appropriate For A 6-Year-Old." "StayBlack!" "S-Stay Black." "Easy." "See?" "I'm Gonna Be In My Room." "AllRight." "Fine." "ItWasClearICouldNotGo" "ToMyDadAboutThis Kind Of" "Thing,ButIt 'sOkay,Because" "Most Superheroes' Dads Are Dead" "Anyway." "IfI UseMy SuperpowersToGet" "SamanthaToLikeMe, Then" "She'llGoOn ADateWith Me," "And I'll Use My Mind Control To" "TellCarrieThatClark'sIn" "Trouble,AndShe'llCome" "RushingToHisRescue,But" "She'llGetTrappedInThat" "AlleyOnFourthAnd Western" "WhereTheBumsBeatUp" "Cheerleaders,AndI'llCome" "Flying In And Save Her By Using" "SamanthaAsAShield." "CarrieWillFallMadlyInLove" "With Me And Go To The Halloween" "DanceWithMe ." "Then We'll Get Married And Have" "SuperbabiesThatAllHaveMy" "AwesomePowersAndUse Them" "MostlyForGood." "AndWe'llBe TheUltimate" "Crime-FightingFamily!" "[ School Bell Rings ]" "DidYouSeeTheirUniforms?" "Ah!" "They Were Gorgeous." "Brilliant Cut, Brilliant Design," "And So Little Color Choices To" "Choose From." "Sure, The Nazis Were Jackbooted" "Thugs Who Wanted To Take Over" "The World, But, Well..." "They Looked Fabulous Doing It." "[ Applause ]" "ThankYou,OllieAnd Carrie." "Interesting Angle, But Very Well" "Argued." "It's A Close Call, But I Think" "I'm Going To Have To Award It" "To..." "Carrie." "Oh!" "YouPickTheNextPair ." "[ Applause ]" "Okay." "How About Payton And..." "Samantha?" "PaytonAndSamantha,WillYou" "Please Step Up To The Podium?" "Your Topic Is..." "Baby-Seal Hunting." "Payton For, And Samantha" "Against." "Well,MostPeopleWouldArgue" "That Baby-Seal Hunters Need To" "Make A Living, But My Argument" "Is Much More Basic." "Have You Ever Seen A Baby Seal's" "Face?" "They Just Have This Expression" "That Says..." "[ High-PITCHED ] "Beat Me." "Club Me." "Smash My Brains In." "Please."" "[ Class Murmuring, Booing ]" "[ Normal VOICE ] I Mean, They're" "Practically Begging For A" "Clubbing." "[ Murmuring, Booing Continue ]" "Payton,HasAnyoneEverTold" "You You Look Exactly Like A Baby" "Seal?" "[ Laughter ]" "[ School Bell Rings ]" "ThankYou,PaytonAnd" "Samantha." "We'll Finish It Later." "All Right, Kids." "Walk, Don't Run." "[ Indistinct Conversations ]" "ILoveYourNailPolish." "I'mNotWearingAny ." "Uh, Look, I'm " " I'm Sorry About" "That Burn." "It Was The First Thing That Came" "Into My Mind." "To Be Honest, You Don't Really" "Look Like A Baby Seal." "Although, You're Both Pretty" "Cute." "Uh,So..." "So..." "I,Um..." "I Had Something Pretty Important" "That I Need To Ask You," "Samantha." "Yeah?" "Uh,So..." "Yeah,Payton?" "DoYouLikeThe New" "Rob Zombie Flick?" "I Thought It Was Pretty Good." "I'llTalkTo YouLater," "Payton." "Payton,HaveYouFinished" "That Extra-Credit Family History" "I Asked For?" "Oh." "Yeah." "Mm." "Here." "Although, I'm Not Really Sure" "Why The School Needs To Know" "That My Dad Loves Piña Coladas" "But Doesn't Like Getting Caught" "In The Rain." "Oh." "Boxer Briefs." "Surprising Choice, But" "Impressive." "CanI HaveMy Phone?" "I Tried Asking Her Out." "IfYouDon'tAsk Her Out By" "Tomorrow, You're A Lost Cause," "And I Don't Work With Lost" "Causes." "Tomorrow?" "[Sighs]" "IKnowExactlyWhat'sGonna" "Happen." "Hello, Samantha." "Just Wondering If You Wanted To" "Rock The Hizzy With" "Tickle Attack." "That's My Guitar Hero Cover Band" "With Ollie And Chester." "I'll Text Her " " Later Tonight." "Wow!" "You're So Romantic." "Oh." "Well, I Mean..." "CallHer." "OnThePhone?" "Yes!" "Hey,Carrie." "What'sUp,Girls?" "Ohhh!" "Were You Two Up Here Making Out?" "Yes." "Nice." "[ Both Squeal ]" "AreYouGonnaHaveBabies?" "WhatAreYouGuysDoingHere?" "Oh,We'reHidingFrom..." "Ollie." "Hey,Girl." "What'sUp?" "Hey,Girl." "Hey,Girl." "Hey,Girl." "InTheLibrary?" "Bad Plan." "Oh,MyGod." "Is This A Library?" "Y-You'reProbablyRight." "We Should Go." "We Should Go." "DefinitelyGo." "Let'sGo." "Gross." "Okay,So,IRan The Numbers," "And I Think It's A Better Use Of" "My Time " "Oh!" "ITotallyForgot" "I'm Loving The Top, Girl!" "Thanks." "Mm-Hmm!" "Thanks." "SeeYa ." "Okay." "Bye." "Bye." "Okay." "So, You're Going To Call Her," "Right?" "Well,Actually,I'veKindOf" "Been Working On These Pretty" "Excellent Pickup Lines." "NoPickupLines" "Ever ." "ButThey'reReally,Really" "Good." "Don'tYouRealizeAny Girl" "With Half A Brain Hates Pickup" "Lines?" "Just" "JustPretendThat" "You're Samantha, Okay?" "[Chuckles]" "Yeah, Carrie." "Pretend You Have Donkitis And No" "Tits." "Hey." "Hey." "[ Chuckles ]" "Hey,Baby." "[Chuckling]PleaseDon't." "IsYourNameGillette?" "IDon'tWantToKnow ." "BecauseYouAreThe BestA" "Man Can Get." "Oh, Hey, Carrie." "Are You An Architect?" "Because You Seem To Make Every" "Room You're In..." "[ High-PITCHED ] Beautiful." "IHaveOne." "Do Your Pants Have Mirrors On" "Them?" "Because I Can Totally See Myself" "In Them." "[ Laughs ]" "[NormalVOICE]YouWantTo" "Wear Her Pants?" "[Chuckling]Right?" "ForgetThePickupLines." "Pick Up A Phone And Just Call" "Her And Ask Her Out." "She'll Say Yes." "I Promise." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay,Thanks." "WhyIsSheHelpingHim?" "MaybeIt'sBecausePayton's" "HelpingMeWithComics." "IfShe'sHelpingHim Because" "He's Helping Me, Then It's Like" "We'reOnTheSameTeam ,AndI" "ShouldBeHelpingSomebody...?" "YouKnow,NextTimeGrandma" "GetsOutOf HerCar ,I'm Gonna" "OpenTheDoorFor Her ." "YouStupidBoy!" "Ow!" "[Screams]" "WhenMrs.Hooper'sBlindAss" "Trips,I 'llStopLaughing" "Sooner." "[Chuckles]" "Or When Coach Bronko Has Us Run" "Laps,I 'llSlowDownSo" "Everyone Else Doesn't Look Like" "SuchDorks." "[Laughs]" "Hey." "Oh,Hey,Babe." "So,DidYouWantToHitThe" "Galleria And Then Maybe Go To" "Ted Drewes For Some Frozen" "Custard?" "Actually,I GotThisThingTo" "Do." "WhatThing?" "Uh,It'sForAGirl ." "WhatGirl?" "Um,No,YouDon 'tKnowHer." "She's In College." "Well[ Scoffs]WhatAreYou" "Doing With This College Girl?" "Oh,JustLiftingStuff..." "For Her." "She's Not Hot At All." "Neh." "You're Fine With It, Right?" "TotallyFine." "Thanks,Babe." "I'll See Ya." "HaveFunLiftingStuff." "With Your Not-Hot College Girl." "Let's..." "Call." "Yeah." "[ Sighs ]" "[ Ringing ]" "Ehh..." "Well, So, I'll Text Her." "[ Ringtone Plays ]" "CallHer." "Can'tI JustTextHer ?" "Please?" "[Scoffs]" "Grow A Pair." "I'mBetterAt WritingThan" "Talking." "Don'tTextMe UntilYou 've" "CalledAndAskedHer Out ." "[Sighs]" "[ Ringing ]" "Hi,IT'SSam." "UnlessYOU'RESTUPID,YOU KNOW" "WHATTODO ." "[ Beep ]" "Hi,Samantha." "Um, So, I-I'm Sorry If I'm" "Bugging You." "I Just " " I " "Well, The Reason That I'm" "Actually Calling Is " " Is That" "I-I Wanted To Ask, Um " "This Probably Sounds Crazy." "Mm." "This Is " "I-I Don't " " I " " I-If You're" "Busy, That's Fine." "I-It's Fine If You're " " If" "You're Busy." "Oh, I Wanted To That If Maybe" "You Wanted To Really Just Do" "The " "YouHAVEREACHEDYOURMESSAGE" "LIMIT." "Goodbye." "Okay." "[ Sighs ]" "Yeah." "[ Chime Tone Plays ]" "IWouldLoveToGoOutWith" "You." "Colon,Dash,Parenthesis." "[ClearsThroat]" "[ Chime Tone Plays ]" "Really!" "[Chuckles]" "YouWantTo Go ..." "I Have A Date." "Not With Carrie, But..." "But Still A Date." "Whoo-Hoo!" "Yes!" "Thank You." "Thank You." "[ Sighs ]" "[CartoonPlaysOnTv]" "Gale, Where's Dad?" "StayBlack!" "Dad." "Can I Borrow The Car Friday" "Night?" "Why?" "I..." "HaveA Date." "WithA Girl?" "Yes,WithAGirl." "[Chuckling]Okay,Good ." "All Right." "You Can Drive Brunella." "[Scoffing]Oh." "Dad." "Dad." "First Date Here, Okay?" "Can't Ruin My Reputation By" "Showing Up In Brunella." "NameOneThingWrongWith" "Brunella." "OneThing?" "The Taillight Is Held On By" "Duct Tape." "The Passenger Seat Belt Is Duct" "Tape." "I'm Pretty Sure The Only Thing" "That Keeps The Car Together Is" "The Rust." "The Rust And The Duct Tape." "Son,ThatIs WhatWeCall" ""Character."" "[Sighs]" "Look,DoYouWantThis Girl" "To Go Out With You Because" "You're Driving A Nice Car Or '" "'Cause Of What You Got Inside?" "Dad,FirstDateHere." "Well,Wh" "WhatIsWrongWith" "Driving Brunella?" "What's The Worst That Can" "Happen?" "[ Tires Squeal ]" "Actually,TheWorstThing" "That Could Happen Would Be If A" "TruckDriverDriving" "Cross-CountryFindsOutThat" "TheWomanThatHeWasInLove" "WithOnTheInternetWas" "ActuallyJustAPimplyFaced 16-Year-OldBoy." "SoHeLoadsUpOnAMixtureOf" "NodozAndJackDaniel's,Which" "CausesHimTo TemporarilyLose" "ControlOfHisBig Rig ," "SwervingIntoMy Lane,And ," "BecauseBrunellaDoesn'tHave" "AutomaticSteering,ForcingMe" "IntoTheGuardrail,Then" "ThroughIt,ThenDownACliff" "As We Tumble End Over End Until" "ItLandsUpsideDown,Crushing" "Us,CatchingFire,And We" "SlowlyBurnAndBleedToDeath" "AtTheSameTime." "AllRight,Look" "IfAGirl" "Will Date You Driving Brunella," "She's A Keeper." "Dad,Please?" "YouKnowWhat?" "You're Never A Loser Till You" "Quit Trying." "What?" "!" "MikeDitka." "WhatYouUp To ?" "Geez!" "[ Chuckling ] Nothing." "Why Would I Be Up To Something?" "It's Not Like I Have Anything To" "Hide From You." "[ Chuckles ]" "So,HowDidLiftingGoWith" "That College Girl?" "What?" "YouKnow,ThatCollegeGirl" "That You Had To Lift Stuff For." "Oh." "Yeah,That." "Um..." "Yeah, It Went Okay." "Actually, It Went So Well, She" "Wants Me To Lift Stuff For Her" "A Couple Times A Week." "SheDoes,DoesShe ?" "[Chuckles]" "IGuessWe 'reBothLuckyTo" "Have Such A Strong Man In Our" "Lives." "Totally." "So,What'sThisLuckyGirl 's" "Name?" "Andy." "AndWhereDoesAndyGoTo" "School?" "College." "Duh." "What'sSheStudying?" "Books,Mostly." "Great." "Well, I'll Have To Meet Her" "Sometime." "Ohhh,Uh..." "I'm Sorry." "I-I Mean, No." "You Two Won't Get Along." "She'd Be Way Too Jealous Of" "Your..." "[ Inhales Sharply ] ...Beauty And..." "Stuff." "[ Chuckles ]" "Well,I Wouldn'tWantToMake" "HerJealous." "Maybe You And I Should Stop" "Seeing Each Other Till, You" "Know, You're Done Lifting Stuff." "Hey,Hey." "Don't Be Silly." "We're Just Friends." "Okay." "Oh,Look." "It's The Rolling Hill Retards!" "Boo!" "Dude!" "ThatNeverGetsOld !" "Ugh!" "Apparently,NeitherDo They." "So,LooksLikeYourLittle" "Dr. Phil Theories About Me Were" "Wrong, Because I Asked Samantha" "Out, And She Said Yes." "See?" "I Knew You Had It In You." "With Some Prodding." "WhyDidn'tYouTellMeThey" "Killed Robin?" "Clark,ThisIs AReallyBig" "Moment." "Payton's About To Go On His" "First Date." "WhatMakesYouThinkIt's My" "First?" "It'sNothingTo Be" "Embarrassed About." "You're Just A Late Bloomer," "That's All." "But I Am So Proud Of You." "HowCouldTheyKillRobin?" "TheyKilledOffThe Second" "Robin, Okay?" "The Jason Todd Robin." "But He Was A Jerk, And The Joker" "Caught Him Anyway." "They Left It Up To The Fans" "Whether They Wanted Him To Live" "Or Die, And They All Said, "Get" "Rid Of Him."" "But It's Okay, Because" "Superboy-Prime Can Punch People" "Back Alive." "It'sJustWrong." "It's Unamerican." "I Mean, It's Always Been Batman" "And Robin, Montana And Rice, Or" "Bert And Ernie." "[ Chuckles ]" "Anyway..." "So, Where Are You Taking Her?" "Uh,MyDadRecommendedThis" "Place." "He Took My Mom There On Their" "First Date." "ThatIsSo Romantic." "So Much More Romantic Than Where" "We Went On Our First Date." "What?" "Under The Bleachers After School" "Wasn't Romantic?" "No." "ItWasForMe." "[ Chuckles ]" "Okay,ThisIs VeryImportant." "Always Open The Door For Her," "Especially When Getting In The" "Car." "Go Around To Her Side First," "Open The Door, Let Her In, Then" "Close The Door, Go Back Around" "To Your Side." "It's Very Gentlemanlike." "AndThatWay,You Get AGood" "Look At Her Ass When She Sits" "Down." "You'llKnowSheReallyLikes" "You If She Gives You..." "A Reach-Over." "AReach-Over?" "It'sWhenSheReachesOver" "And Unlocks The Door Before You" "Get There." "At Dinner, Find Out What She" "Wants, And Then Order It For" "Her." "Compliment Her On Her Outfit." "And Her Hair." "Or Her Shoes." "Ah!" "Girls Love It When You Notice" "Their Shoes." "You Want To Be Strong, But" "Sensitive..." "Mysterious..." "Informative..." "Interesting..." "Removed." "You Want To Impress Her At All" "Times." "You Want Everything To Run" "Smoothly." "You Want To Be Perfect." "YouWantTo GetToSecond" "Base!" "Any First Date Where You Don't" "Is A Failure." "Can'tI JustBe Myself?" "Both:" "No!" "[ Engine Sputtering ]" "[ Engine Backfires ]" "[ Stomach Gurgles ]" "[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]" "Uh-Oh." "ThatDidn'tSoundToo Good." "Got To Love Taco Day." "Yeah." "Favorite Lunch Day By Far." "OnlyGoodThingsCan Come" "From Taco Day." "At This Point, I Was Thinking I" "MayHaveEatenOne Too Many" "Tacos." "[ Stomach Gurgles ]" "[ Engine Shuts Off ]" "[ Farts ]" "Oh!" "[ Sighs ]" "Stupid Taco Day." "[ Farts ]" "Okay." "Tell Her I Like Her Shoes." "No." "No, Tell Her I Like Her Outfit." "Or Her Hair." "O-Or Her Shoes." "[ Knock On Door ]" "Samantha, You Look " "Hey,I 'mNotReadyYet ,So," "Uh, Hey, Come In." "Just Relax." "I'll Be Done In Two Minutes." "♪NoMoreStressAnd...♪" "Okay." "♪..." "NoMoreStrain♪" "Um..." "[ Groans ]" "♪SittingBack♪" "[Farting]" "♪HappyJack,TimeToRelax ♪" "Ugh!" "♪TakeIt Easy,TakeIt" "Slow ♪" "[Groaning,Farting]" "♪AmIHappy?" "Hmm♪" "♪ Just A Touch ♪" "[Farts]" "♪SittingBack♪" "♪ Happy Jack, Time To Relax ♪" "Oh.[ Chuckles]" "♪GoingSomewhere,Don 'tCare" "Where ♪" "Wow." "♪' CauseHe'sHappyToStay ♪" "[Gagging]" "♪TillTheJourney'sEnd♪" "[Sniffs]" "Ugh." "Oh." "Sorry To Be Rude." "These Are My Parents, Suzie And" "Thomas Gibson." "Ohh." "[ClearsThroat]" "Taco Day, Huh?" "I'llBeRightBack." "[Sniffing]" "[ Clock Ticking ]" "JustSoYouKnow,YouHave," "Uh, Nothing To Worry About" "Tonight." "Your Daughter's In Very Good" "Hands." "I Promise To Be A Perfect" "Gentleman." "Just Dinner, Movie, Home." "You Know, No " " No Monkey" "Business." "WeFeelVerySafeInOur" "Belief That You're Going To Be" "An Absolutely Perfect Gentleman" "Tonight." "AndEverythingSamanthaHas" "Told Us About You Says That" "You're A Charming, Well-Behaved" "Young Man." "WeJustWantedYou ToKnow" "That." "Mm-Hmm." "[Chuckles]" "Okay." "IKnowWhereYou Live." "Um..." "IKnowWhereToBury ABody." "Okay." "I'm Not " " I'm Not One Of Those" ""Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am"" "Guys." "No, I Keep My Hands To Myself." "I-I Actually Have A Friend " "Well, Not Really A Friend," "But " " But He Thinks A-A First" "Date Is A Failure Unless You Get" "To Second Base, But I Have No" "Plans To Get To Second Base With" "Your Daughter." "No." "I Am Not Interested In Her" "Breasts At All." "N-N-Not That I Don't Like Them." "I Mean, They're Very Nice " "Small, But Nice, You Know." "Not " " Not The Nicest In School." "I Mean, I Can See Where She Gets" "Them." "Not That You Have Small Breasts," "Miss Gibson." "Just Saying That They're..." "There, You Know." "So, Chances Are That Samantha" "Got Them From You." "Not That Mr. Gibson's Side Of" "The Family Doesn't Have Nice" "Breasts." "I'm Sure They Do." "They Seem..." "Nice And..." "Small." "You Know, I Actually Prefer" "Small Breasts, And I Find Your" "Daughter's To Be A Very Fine" "Size." "N-Not That I Just Spend All My" "Time In School Looking At Them." "I Mean, I Don't Spend All Of" "Third Period Staring At Your" "Daughter's Breasts, Okay?" "So, Just To Be Clear, I Have No" "Intention Whatsoever Of Going To" "Second Base Tonight With Your" "Daughter." "[Gasps]" "Payton." "Yeah?" "YouCanLetGoOfMy Breast" "Now." "I'mGonnaDo That." "Okay." "Let's Go." "PleasureMeetingBothOfYou." "It'sAnotherThingToCheck" "Off My List " " Getting Felt Up" "By A Date In Front Of My" "Parents." "IJustSpentThe LastFive" "Minutes Talking To Your Parents" "About Your Breasts." "I Was Actually Telling Them How" "Much I Enjoyed Them." "And Then I Grabbed One." "YouToldMy ParentsThatI" "Have Nice Boobs?" "AndThen..." "IGrabbedOne ." "I Am So Sorry." "No." "You're Super-Cool And Totally" "Awesome." "[ Smooches ]" "Oh." "[Chuckles]" "Oh." "Oh." "Oh,Uh..." "No!" "Oh!" "Oh,I 'mSoSorry!" "Are You Okay?" "[ChucklesNervously]" "I'mSorry." "I'mSoSorry." "Are You " "NoBigDeal." "I'm Fine." "IReallyLikeYourOutfitOr" "Your Hair." "ThankYou...?" "I'mJust" " I'mTryingToBe" "The Perfect Gentleman." "I'm Sorry." "YouDon'tHaveToApologize." "Just" "Sorry." "[Chuckles]" "Stop Apologizing." "SorryForApologizingSo" "Much." "Stop." "Yeah." "No " " No More..." "Apologizing..." "Anymore." "Sorry." "Sorry." "[ Engine Turns Over ]" "[ Tires Squeal ]" "♪I Can'tSeemToLook Away ♪" "♪ There You Are, I'm In A Daze ♪" "♪ Wondering If You Would Ever" "Know ♪" "♪ In The Street Or In The Hall ♪" "♪ With Your Back Flat To The" "Wall ♪" "♪ Where You Are Is Where I Want" "To Go ♪" "♪ I Can't Seem To Look Away ♪" "♪ There You Are, I'm In A Daze ♪" "♪ Wondering If You Would Ever" "Know ♪" "♪ In The -- ♪" "[ Engine, Radio Shut Off ]" "South Price Road." "My Dad Says This Place Has The" "Best Meat In Town." "[ Dance Music Plays ]" "Isn'tThisNorthPriceRoad ?" "ComeOn." "Oh, Yeah." "This Is Gonna Be Good." "[ Audience Cheering ]" "Uh, Where's The Hostess?" "MayI HaveYourAttention," "Please?" "Bring Your Seat Backs To Their" "Upright And Locked Position." "Prepare For Takeoff." "Get Ready, Ladies, For The Best" "Meat In Town." "Ugh!" "[ Music Continues ]" "Oh,My..." "God." "Is That Miss Stewart?" "[Screams]" "Oh,Cool." "[Laughing]" "[ Gasps ]" "Ugh!" "[Screams]" "[ Laughing ]" "All..." "Right." "InterestingChoiceForA" "First Date, Payton." "Hi,Samantha." "Hi." "Look,I Can'tBeginToTell" "You How Sorry I Am." "I Do Not Enjoy Looking At" "Well-Built, Oiled-Up Men With" "Sweat Dripping Down Their Nearly" "Naked Bodies." "If I'd Known It Had Been Like" "That, I Wouldn't Have Taken You" "With Me." "Not " " Not That I Would Have" "Gone On My Own." "[ Sighs ]" "Great." "Now You Think I'm Probably Gay." "DidYouSaySomethingAfter" ""Well-Built, Oiled-Up Men"?" "Remind Me To Ask Miss Stewart To" "Organize Our Next Field Trip." "Carrie!" "Hi, Carrie." "Aren'tYouOn ADate?" "IWasUnderThatImpression" "Myself." "Payton!" "Oh, Payton." "Hey,Clark." "How'sTheDate?" "[Laughs]" "[ Laughter ]" "She Looks Like She Crapped Her" "Pants." "[ Laughter Continues ]" "[ Laughter Distorts ]" "ThoseAreReallyNiceShoes." "Okay,Knock." "ButYou'reHoldingMyHand ." "[Scoffs]" "Okay, Now Knock." "IDon't" " IDon 't..." "[Sighs]" "Uh..." "What?" "Okay,TellHerI'm HereWith" "Your Jacket And That You're" "Sending Me In." "Huh?" "[Sighs]" "This Is What I'm Gonna Do " " I'm" "Gonna Go In There With Your" "Jacket And I'm Gonna Claim That" "It's Your Idea." "When She Comes Out, Tell Her She" "Looks Nice, 'Cause She's" "Obviously Gonna Be Feeling A" "Little Insecure Right Now." "Wow." "You're Really Good At This." "[ Breathes Deeply ]" "Samantha!" "Carrie's Gonna Be Coming In With" "My Jacket." "[Sarcastically]Oh, Great." "[Sighs]" "Just Don't Expect Me To Kiss Her" "Good Night For You." "After This, You're On Your Own." "Hey." "She Gave Me A Reach-Around In" "The Car." "It'sCalledAReach-Over." "A Reach-Around's A Completely" "Different Thing." "Oh." "Maybe You'll Show Me That Later?" "No." "WomenAreLikeAny Great" "FootballPlay" " They'reHard" "ToRead." "SoTheKeyIsToStayFocused," "AndDon'tGetDistractedBy" "TheirFootballs,If YouKnow" "WhatI Mean." "[Chuckles]" "I Know What You Mean, Coach." "IfYou'reTalkingToA Woman" "AndYouFeelThe UrgeToLook" "AtThoseDistractions,Just" "LookDownAt YourWatchAnd" "RegainFocus." "Hello,MissStewart." "Wait." "No Way Payton's Out This Late." "Okay." "Okay, 10 Minutes To Drive To" "Samantha's House... 10 Minutes 'Cause She's Not" "Ready Yet... 15 To The Restaurant..." "A Hour For Dinner " " No." "Hour And A Half Because Kids Get" "Sucky Service... 10 To Drive Samantha Home... 5 Minutes For That Awkward" "Moment In The Car... 10 Seconds For The Kiss..." "A Minute Of Stalling, Waiting" "For The Woody To Go Down, And He" "Gets Out Of The Car And Walks" "Her To The Door..." "Wait." "What If It's A Good Kiss?" "What If It's A Couple Kisses?" "What If He Gets A Feel?" "That Doesn't Add Up." "Ah, Shit!" "Time To Call In Special Teams." "[ Speed-DIALING ]" "ThereYouGo ." "Enjoy." "ITookTheInitiativeOf" "Ordering For Both Of Us," "Since..." "You Were So Busy Talking" "To Carrie." "Oh,Yeah." "Isn't She Awesome?" "♪Oh,Yeah!" "♪" "♪ Oh, Baby ♪" "♪ Gimme That Sexy ♪" "♪ Yeah ♪" "Yeah." "I'mSoHungry." "IOrderedUs BothThe Same" "Thing " " Grilled Patty Melts, My" "Favorite." "[Muffled]Mmm !" "This Is So Good!" "I've Never Had This Before." "[Muffled]It'sTheGrilled" "Onions." "It Gives It That Kick." "[Coughs]" "[ Spits ]" "Did " " Did You Just Say" ""Onions"?" "GrilledOnions" " LotsOf" "Them." "Uh-Oh." "What'sWrong?" "I'mAllergicTo Onions." "[ Stomach Gurgling ]" "Wow." "Uh-Oh." "ThatMustSuck." "I Can't Imagine Not Being Able" "To Eat Onions." "I Mean, I Put Them On" "Everything." "So, Like, What Happens When You" "Eat A Lot?" "Do You, Like, Sneeze?" "'Cause When I Eat Too Many" "Tomatoes, I Sneeze All Day." "Ew!" "Gross!" "ThanksForDriving." "IHaveTo Admit,ThatWasThe" "Most Impressive Display Of" "Projectile Vomiting I Have Ever" "Seen, Including "The Exorcist,"" "And I Have Seen My Share Of" "Projectile Vomiting." "I Actually Keep A Journal Of It." "YouKeepAJournal,Too?" "No." "Oh." "I Just Want To Apologize For" "Everything That Happened" "Tonight." "YouDon'tHaveToApologize." "Yes,I Do." "I'm Sorry For Taking You To A" "Male Strip Club..." "And Knocking You Over And" "Parading You Around The Diner" "With A Dirty Butt..." "And Vomiting On You..." "And Talking About Your Breasts" "In Front Of Your Parents." "Don'tForgetYouCoppedA" "Feel In Front Of Them, Too." "They'llNeverForgetThat." "Tonight..." "WasAnUnmitigated" "Disaster, But..." "Well, Look At It This Way " "Our " " Our Second Date Has To Be" "Better, Right?" "[ Engine Sputtering ]" "[Groans]" "OutOfGas." "NiceTry, Payton." "[ Car Horn Honking ]" "DamnIt!" "I Think My Dad Reported The Car" "Stolen To Lojack Again." "LojackCostsTwiceAsMuch" "As This Car's Blue Book Value." "WeJustHaveToWait Until" "The Cops Show Up, And Then" "They'll Call It In As Not" "Stolen." "[Laughs]" "PerfectEndingTo TheWorld's" "Worst Date." "What Else Could Go Wrong?" "Actually,IfATruckDriver" "Trying To Make It Cross-Country" "Found Out That The Woman He's In" "Love With On The Internet Was" "Actually A Pimply Faced 16-Year-Old Boy, So He Loads Up" "On A Mixture Of Nodoz And" "Jack Daniel's, Causing Him To" "Temporarily Lose Control Of His" "Big Rig, Which Forces Him To" "Swerve Into Our Lane, Which" "Forces Me To Swerve Into The" "Guardrail, Then Through It, Onto" "A Cliff As The Car Tumbles End" "Over End, Lands Upside Down," "Crushes Us, Catches On Fire, And" "We Slowly Bleed And Burn To" "Death At The Same Time." "Wow." "[ Police Siren Chirps ]" "PutYourHandsOnTheWheel" "And Do Not Move." "[ Helicopter Blades Whirring ]" "[ Tires Screech ]" "[ Both Sigh ]" "IDidn'tKnowYou Were" "Wanted." "I'm So, So Sorry." "[Sighs]" "Stop Apologizing." "There's No Way You Could Have" "Known, And Besides, It's Just A" "Court Appearance." "It's Not My First." "YouWereReallyThe One Who" "Superglued Mr. Acker's Finger" "To His Forehead During Assembly?" "That Is So Awesome." "[Chuckles]" "You're Pretty Cool Yourself." "NotTonightIWasn't." "That'sWhatILikeAboutYou." "You're A Dork." "A Loveable Dork." "You're Payton " " Dork!" "You Don't Try To Be Cool." "You're Just..." "You." "That Makes You Cooler Than" "Anybody Else." "Well,NotAs CoolAsClark." "I Mean, He Does Have The Hottest" "Babe In The World." "IGiveUp ." "[ Seat Belt Clicks ]" "Thank You For The Interesting" "Night." "I Will Never Forget It." "Okay." "GoodNight,Payton." "GoodNight." "[ Car Door Closes ]" "Whoa." "That Girl's Intense." "INeedDetails." "Did You Kiss Her Good Night?" "KindOf." "Okay,It'sA" DidOrDidn 't"" "Situation." "It's Like You Can't Be Kind Of" "Pregnant." "Oh,No,She'sNot Pregnant." "That Would Be Impossible." "DidYouKissHer OrNot?" "SheKissedMe ." "[Sighs]" "You're Hopeless." "I Wouldn't Be Surprised If She" "Didn't Want To See You." "Oh,No." "She Wants To See Me Again." "Really?" "Why?" "Probably' CauseI 'mA Pretty" "Good Kisser." "[Laughs]" "No, Seriously " " Why?" "No,Seriously." "I'm " "I'm A Pretty Good Kisser." "Yeah?" "Uh..." "Wow." "Hi." "Is There, Uh..." "[ Clears Throat ] ...Something You Need?" "Um..." "Oh!" "I Was, Um, Thinking Of" "Watching The Game Again This" "Next Sunday And Was Wondering If" "You Had Any Recommendations..." "For A Good Place To Watch The" "Game..." "Like..." "Um SomeplaceFun..." "YouKnowWhat?" "Mm-Hmm?" "I'mGonnaBe WatchingThe" "Bears Game With My Kids." "Great." "AndYou..." "Mm-Hmm?" "...YouCouldProbably..." "Find A Great Sports Bar In The" "Neighborhood." "Uh, Stevie B's Has Hd, Huge" "Screen." "You'll Love It." "And They Got Great Ribs There." "U-Uh..." "StevieB 's?" "I Don't Really Know " "Oh,It'sAGreatPlace." "Go, Bears!" "Go,Bears." "Go, Bears." "Sports BAR..." "Hey,Girls." "Carrie!" "Hey!" "Together:" "We'veGotSpirit!" "Yes, We Do!" "We've Got Spirit!" "How 'Bout You?" "!" "[ Giggles ]" "Awesome." "Get Lots Of Sign-Ups, Okay?" "Yeah,Definitely!" "[ Toilet Flushes ]" "[Chuckles]" "[Sighs]" "PawnToRook4!" "Pawn To Rook 4!" "WhereWereYou?" "IWasBehindThe School." "WhatWereYouDoingThere?" "Nothing." "Don'tTouchMy Balls." "Or My Hair." "Or My Hair!" "ICan'tBelieveYou CoppedA" "Feel On The First Date." "W-Were They Pointy?" "Pink?" "Brown?" "Round?" "CanYouSeeWhat'sAround" "Him?" "That's Protection." "[ Sighs ]" "It's A Thing Of Beauty." "Now If They Could Just Win A" "Damn Game." "CouldYouImagine,Like," "Spider-Man's Agility And" "Quickness And All That Stuff Put" "In Bruce Wayne " " Batman?" "It'd Be Like The Ultimate..." "Ultimate Superhero Of All Time." "It'd Be Pretty Cool." "Totally." "Oh!" "One Too Many Vanilla Cokes," "Babe." "I Got To Pee." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Cellphone Vibrating ]" "RollingHillsDragonsRule!" "Waaaahooooow!" "[Gasps]" "[ClearsThroat]" "[Giggling]" "Hey,Carrie." "Guess What " " I Have Another" "Date Tonight With Samantha." "I'm Gonna Follow All Your" "Advice " " Always Open The Door" "For Her And..." "Compliment Her Shoes..." "And Try Not To Be..." "Myself?" "[Chuckles]" "Yeah." "Both:" "Uh..." "Hey,Carrie." "GetYourGeekStinkBreath" "Out Of Here, Payton!" "[ Both Laugh ]" "Dork!" "[ Laughs ]" "[Laughs]" "DoYouRememberWhen" "Rob Liefeld Couldn't Draw Feet?" "Oh,MyGod." "I Thought I Was The Only One Who" "Noticed." "Okay,What'sTheScariest" "Movie You've Ever Seen?" "Easy- -" BrideWars."" "GoodAnswer!" "I'm Not Sure What Was Scarier" "About That Movie " " The Script," "The Directing, Or Was It The" "Acting?" "Well,Actually,Wedding" "Scenes Kind Of Freak Me Out." "Oh,AfraidOf Getting" "Married?" "No,ButHere'sAScaryFact" "For You " " Did You Know That" "Nearly Half Of All Marriages" "Last Their Entire Lives?" "Aah!" "WhatAboutTheUltimateLine ?" "IKnow!" "Is That Ever Gonna Come Out On" "Time?" "WhoDoTheyThinkThey Are?" "You Know?" "Frank Miller?" "[Chuckles]" "SpeakingOf,DidYou See His" ""Robocop" Movie?" "Uh,Yeah" " He SoldOut" "Faster Than A Condom Machine On" "Prom Night." "Thank God He Redeemed Himself" "With "Sin City," Until He Fell" "Back Down With "The Spirit."" "WhatWereTheyTryingToDo ?" "Cram All Those Comic Books Into" "One Movie?" "WorstAdaptationEver." ""HellBoy"" " MuchBetter." "Agreed." "YouAreSuper-CoolAnd" "Totally Awesome." "Thanks,Guys." "I Had A Great Time Tonight." "Yeah,MeToo." "WeShouldDo It Again" "Sometime." "[ Chuckles Nervously ]" "Sure." "I'll, Uh, I'll Call You." "[Chuckling]Yeah." "My PARENTS ARE SOUND ASLEEP" "UPSTAIRS." "Really?" "Probably Shouldn't Wake Them Up." "Good Night." "That'sNotWhatIMea- " "Oh." "What'sWithTheFace?" "Wha" "I-IDon'tHaveAFace" "On." "YourMouth'sOpen." "AreYouSureThatThis Is" "Your Room?" "IWasn'tAlwaysIntoComic" "Books." "No?" "Uh,Well,YouKnow,NotUntil" "ThisGuy." "Oh,Cool." "Li'l Depressed Boy." "He's So..." "Romantic?" "...Depressed." "Um..." "What?" "Hey, Do You Want To See My" "Halloween Costume?" "Um..." "Yeah." "Yeah, Yeah." "Halloween Costume " " Yeah," "That's A Good Idea." "I-I Want To See It." "Can't Wait, Actually." "Can't Wait To See It." "Okay." "All Right." "I'm Really..." "[ Sighs ]" "[Chuckles]" "What?" "Does " "Does It Make Me Look Weird?" "YouLook..." "Awesome!" "Where'd You Get That?" "AtA GarageSaleFor The Fat ," "Suicidal Cheerleader." "Like, Picture A Lot More Zombie" "Makeup And Blood And Junk For" "The Dance." "Yeah" "ZombieCheerleader." "Awesome." "Yeah,I 'mGoingAs" "Brain-Dead." "[ Both Chuckle ]" "Oh." "Okay." "Sorry." "StopAPOLOGIZING." "Mm!" "What?" "[Laughs]" "Hey, It's Nothing To Be" "Embarrassed About." "Oh,God!" "Oh !" "What?" "That'sGo-GurtThatIWas" "Saving..." "For Later." "Oh!" "Strawberry-Banana's My Favorite." "Oh." "Oh,God!" "[Grunts]" "Oh,God." "Okay." "Aah ." "Aah ." "I Think Your Watch Is In My" "Hair." "Ow!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Okay." "Okay." "I 'mGonnaExtractIt." "[ Footsteps Approaching ]" "Uh-Oh." "What's" Uh-Oh"?" "It'sMYDAD!" "It's MY DAD!" "Come ON!" "[ClearsThroat]" "Two Minutes, Young Lady." "Or I'll Be Back With My Shovel." "Don'tWorry." "I Haven't Had A Curfew Since I" "Started Getting Straight A's In" "Eighth Grade." "That'sSoAwesome." "Yeah,CurfewsAreTotally" "Lame." "No,ThatYouGet Straight" "A's." "Hey,Um..." "Payton?" "I-I Was, Like, Okay, I'm Kind" "Of Wondering If..." "Maybe..." "You" "Would..." "Um..." "Yeah?" "WouldYouLikeToGoTo The" "Halloween Dance With A Zombie" "Cheerleader?" "Yeah." "I " "Okay." "[Laughs]" "Oh,Yeah." "ThingsAreGoingGreat." "TwoDatesAndCounting." "I'mGettingMoreSuperpowers" "ByTheDay." "NowI CanTalkToGirls,Pee" "StandingUp,AndFly ." "ButSometimesEvenSuperheroes" "HavePowerFailures." "Aaaaaaah!" "ButI 'mFiguringIt Out." "Yeah,I 'mJugglingTwoGirls" "PrettyWell." "NowAllINeedIsACostume" "ForTheHalloweenDance." "Okay,WeNeedToFind" "Something For You To Wear." "We Have To Go Shopping." "Shopping!" "Shopping!" "Let's Go Shopping." "[Laughs]" "What?" "Oh,YouHaveNoIdea ." "♪ThisIs WhereIWanna," "Ah, Ah, I Wanna Take It ♪" "♪ I Think That I Can Take It ♪" "♪ I Take It!" "I Take It!" "♪" "♪ I Think That I Can Take It ♪" "Wow." "ThisIsn'tReallyThe TypeOf" "Costume I Had In Mind." "Oh." "WhatAboutSomething..." "Like This?" "♪' CauseYouWantIt," "I Want It ♪" "♪ You Want It, I Want It ♪" "♪ You Want It, I Want It ♪" "♪ You Want It, I Want It ♪" "♪ Ahh!" "♪" "WhatTheHellHappened?" "Never,Ever,EverGoShopping" "With A Girl." "Ever." "Oh,Son,IAmSoSorry ." "I Feel So Responsible For Not" "Having Taught You That Already." "Although,I DidGetToSpend" "Two Hours Alone With" "Carrie Smith." "So, While My Body Is Bruised And" "Beaten, My Spirit Soars To" "Heretofore-Undiscovered Heights." "[SighsDeeply]" "Son, Men Just Don't..." "WaxPoetic?" "Well." "First Try This Time." "Okay, Clayton " " Payton!" "Dad!" "IDidn'tMeanAnythingBy" "That." "It Was A " " I Don't Get " "I-I-I Get Everybody's Nam" "I Got So Many Kids' Names To" "Remember At School, I " "[ Door Slams ]" "[ School Bell Rings ]" "[ThemeMusicPlaying]" "IfYou'reWatchingThis,Then" "You'reTryingTo DateAMan" "Who'sObsessedWithMe." "What'sHisName?" "B-Bronko." "Now,TheFirstStepIs" "Understanding His Obsession, So" "YouGotTo BreatheMeIn." "Seriously,I Don'tMind." "[BreathesDeeply]" "It'sOkayTo LikeIt." "YouHaveTo Understand,I'm" "DrippingWithMacho." "I'mAnAmericanIcon!" "Oh,My." "I'mWhatTheKidsCall A" "Baller." "It's No Wonder Your Man Is Into" "Me." "InFact..." "IThinkYou 'reKind" "OfIntoMe ,Aren'tYou ," "Gorgeous?" "[Giggling]No, Not Really." "[ Sighs ]" "UseYourMan'sAffinityFor" "Me And For The Game Of Football" "ToYourAdvantage." "I'llSayAPhrase,Then You" "RepeatIt." "Okay." ""GreatGameLastNight." "TheWayHe FoundThe TightEnd" "SoDeepAndWentSoLongFor" "TheTouchdown."" ""LastNightWasGreat..." "The Way He Found That Tight End" "And Went So Deep And Waited So" "Long For The Touchdown."" "[ Breathes Deeply ]" "GreatJob." "NowGrabYourMan And Hit The" "Showers." "[ School Bell Rings ]" "Hey,Babe." "Hi." "So, The Diner Before Or After" "The Halloween Dance This" "Saturday?" "Yeah,Um..." "About The Dance..." "[ Chuckles Nervously ]" "I Can't " " I Got To Do That..." "Thing With Andy, The College" "Girl." "You Understand..." "Right?" "Don'tWorryAboutIt." "ThanksForBeingSo" "Understanding." "You Are Awesome." "[Sighs]" "AllRight,YouGoddamnDorks," "If I See Any Of These Stickers" "On Any Of My Doors Or Anybody" "Else's Doors, Your Ass Is Out Of" "Class." "Get Moving!" "[ Cellphone Chirps ]" ""I-N-T-T-Y"?" "[ Cellphone Chirps ]" ""She's Not Talking To You?"" "Are You Not Talking To Me, Too?" "[ Cellphone Chirps ]" ""No, I'm Still Talking To You."" "Then Why Are You Texting Me?" "Oh,Yeah." "IForgot." "AndWhyAreYou Not Talking" "To Me?" "[ Cellphone Chirps ]" "You'reA Cheerleader,AndYou" "Don't Have A Date To The Dance," "Biyotch!" "Hey,Guys." "ThatGivesMe An Idea!" "IDoNeedToBeAt The" "HalloweenDance." "We'llSeeHowClarkLikesIt" "WhenI 'mLiftingStuffFor" "Someone." "I'mGoingTo AskSomeoneElse" "ToTheDance." "ICouldAskJohnny,ButHe's" "GoingWithShirley." "ICouldAskNick,ButHe's" "GoingWithJane." "ICouldAskMax ,But He'sInA" "Wheelchair." "So That Just Leaves One Person." "[ Buzzer ]" "IKnowI'veBeenTryingToSet" "HimUpWithSamantha,ButI 'm" "TheHeadCheerleader,And I" "ReallyNeedThis." "YouWantTo Go To TheDance" "With Me?" "But, I Mean, Why " " Why Would" "You?" "Don'tShowYourFaceThe" "Whole Time We're There." "HalloweenDance,Mask" "No Problem." "OneMoreThing" "NoKiss" "Good Night And No Hug Good" "Night." "Actually, Don't Touch Me At All." "Well, Except When We're Dancing." "You Get One Slow Dance, And If" "Your Hands Come Anywhere Near My" "Ass, I'll Punch Your Lights Out." "I Shit You Not." "Whoo!" "♪Whoa-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh♪" "♪ Whoa-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪" "[Whistling]" "Hey, Samantha." "We Need To Talk About The" "Halloween Dance." "Uh..." "IDon'tKnow!" "I Don't Know What You See In A" "Girl Like Carrie Smith, But You" "Being Interested In Her Makes" "Me A Lot Less Interested In You." "She Probably Wants You To Do Her" "Homework Or Wash Her Car Or Take" "Care Of Her Sick Grandmother." "She's Just Using You." "And You're Gonna Let Her Because" "You're A Stupid Little Boy Who" "Does Stupid-Little-Boy Things," "And I've Had Enough Of Your" "Stupid Little Boyness " "You Should Go Right Now Before I" "Call You A Stupid Little Boy" "Again." "Um..." "JustGo!" "IUsedMy SuperpowersToGet" "SamanthaToLikeMe." "SheWentOn ADateWith Me" "Well,TwoDates,Actually" "And Then I Used My Mind Control" "ToGetClarkAwayFrom Carrie." "AndThenICameFlyingIn,And" "CarrieFellMadlyInLove With" "MeAndAskedMeToThe" "HalloweenDanceWithHer ." "SoFar,EverythingWas Going" "ExactlyAccordingTo Plan,So" "WhyDoIFeelSoLousy About" "It?" "IHopeHe FeelsLousyAbout" "WhatHe'sDone." "StupidPayton." "That'sTheLastTimeICombMy" "HairForAnyoneOrBuyA New" "DressOrWaxMyEyebrow." "GrandmaWasRight" "I 'm Gonna" "BecomeA MiserableOldWoman" "WhoDiesAlone,Completely" "Unloved." "EverySuperheroEventually" "ComesFace-To-FaceWithHis" "Nemesis." "I Thought Mine Was Clark Hayes." "I Mean, Doesn't That Just Sound" "LikeTheNameOfA" "Supervillain?" "ButWhatIf My BiggestNemesis" "Was..." "Myself?" "[Grunts]" "Hey, Babe." "[ Clears Throat ]" "Earth To Carrie?" "[ Whistles ]" "Um..." "Hey, I Was Wondering If You" "Still Wanted To Go To Dinner" "With My Parents Next Week." "IThoughtYouHad ToLift" "Stuff." "She'sBusy,So ICan BeWith" "You." "I'llCallYou." "Perfect." "Per" " Yeah." "So,There'sThisNew Move" "I'm Thinking About Doing Before" "The Football Game, And If We All" "Do It, It'll Look Really Cool." "It's Really Easy." "Yes!" "Yeah!" "YouThink?" "Yeah!" "Totally!" "Okay." "Okay,I'llShowYou." "And Then We Got To Show" "Everyone, Okay?" "Okay, Yeah." "Okay." "So, We'll All Be Lined Up." "And Then We Shimmy Like This." "And Then..." "Like That, Okay?" "[ Cellphone Vibrating ]" "[ Screams ]" "It's Stuck!" "It's Like They're Glued Or" "Something!" "[ Shrieking ]" "Get It Off!" "Help Me!" "Get It Off!" "Help Me!" "[ Both Giggling ]" "[ Screams ]" "[ Toilet Flushes ]" "Oh,Goddamn" "Give Me The Toilet Paper!" "Thank You." "DoYouHaveADate ToThe" "Dance?" "Uh..." "Um..." "I..." "WouldYouLikeToGoWithMe?" "You'reFriendsWithHer ," "Aren't You?" "You Little Dorks Stick Together," "Right?" "Yeah,TheyDo ." "Where'sSamantha?" "Oh,She'sWithMissStewart." "They Were Gonna Dissect A" "Cheerleader's Head To See If" "There Was Anything Inside." "O.M.G.!" "That Should Not Be Allowed." "HereAreTheRules" "No Kiss" "Good Night, No Hug Good Night," "No Thinking About Touching Me At" "All, Except For When We're" "Dancing." "You Get One Slow Dance, And If" "You Try To Get Your Hands" "Anywhere Near My Ass, I Will" "Punch Your Lights Out." "I Shit You Not." "[LaughsNervously]" "No." "Unh-Unh." "IGotAMessageFor" "Little Miss Superglue." "Oh,I Don'tKnowWho You 're" "Talking About." "Great Idea With Those Pom-Poms!" "Now You Won't Forget Where They" "Are!" "IWasAt TheAssembly,Okay ?" "I Saw Mr. Acker Get His Finger" "Stuck To His Forehead, Okay?" "I Know Samantha Did This." "Do You Think I'm Stupid?" "No." "Crazy, Maybe." "TellSamanthaThisIsn 't" "Over." "Pardon,Ladies." "Carrie!" "I-It's Payton!" "WhyAreYouDressedLike" "Jack Skellington?" "I'mLi'lDepressedBoy " "You Know, Because I'm Depressed." "Who Are You Supposed To Be?" "I'mLittleMissSuperglue." "[ Rock Music Playing ]" "I'mGonnaGo GetSomePunch." "Hey,Carrie." "Hey." "YouLookSo ..." "That's, Like, Totally Original." "So Hot." "[ Laughs ]" "I Really Do Like Your Eyebrow." "IDon't." "It's Hairy, And It's Just One." "Hey!" "Aah!" "Dad!" "Come On!" "[Chuckling]" "Well, Son, I Hope Nobody Breaks" "Any Rules Tonight." "'Cause, You Know, Mike Ditka" "Could Never Suffer The Likes Of" "Rule Breakers." "Dad,DoYouHaveToDress" "Like Ditka..." "Every Year?" "[Scoffs]" "NiceShirt." "[Giggling]Thanks!" "Who Are You Supposed To Be?" "Well,She'sObviouslyASlut !" "Yeah!" "I, Like, Totally Dressed As" "Carrie Smith!" "[ Giggles ]" "[ Rock Music Playing ]" "Dude,ThatIs So WrongOnSo" "Many Levels." "OnFire!" "On Fire!" "The King Of Pop Is On Fire!" "AreYouLi 'lDepressedBoy ?" "That's My Favorite Webcomic" "Character." "ThisCostumeTookMeForever" "To Make." "Payton." "YouLook..." "ReallyNice," "Samantha." "OfCourse." "Of Course You'd Like The Way I" "Look." "I'm Dressed As Carrie." "No!" "No, That's Not What I Meant!" "SwineFlu?" "!" "SwineFlu ?" "!" "What About This Makes You Think" "I'm Swine Flu?" "!" "Chester?" "!" "You're Here With Chester?" "!" "EnjoyTheParty,Payton." "[Sighs]" "[Giggles]" "What'sUp,JackSkellington?" "IAlreadyToldYou ,I'm" "Li'l Depressed Boy." "Boy,AreYou." "So, Where Is Your Slut?" "Okay,Listen." "I Don't Care What You Say About" "Me, But Don't You Dare Badmouth" "Samantha, Okay?" "Whoa!" "Back Off, Li'l Repressed Boy." "If You Care So Much About Her," "Why Don't You Do Something About" "It?" "IDid." "I Did Everything You Told Me," "And I Still Managed To Screw It" "Up." "Look, You're Poised And" "Beautiful And Sexy And" "Well-Dressed, And Every Boy" "Wants To Be With You, And Every" "Girl Wants To Be You." "And That's Easy To Fall For." "But What Really Matters Is What" "Samantha Has." "She Has A Beautiful Soul." "Now Go Away So I Can Get A Drink" "Of Water." "[Sighs]" "Ow." "[ Dance Music Playing ]" "AllRight,Everybody,Let 's" "Boogie." "Hey!" "[ Chuckles ]" "SuperMario?" "No." "Luigi?" "[Chuckling]No!" "Ditka!" "[ Deep VOICE ] I'm Mike Ditka." "[ Normal VOICE ] Ditka." "[ Chuckles ]" "Samantha?" "Can We Talk?" "No!" "Sss!" "Don't..." "Talk." "Wait." "DoI ..." "HaveA ..." "Beautiful Soul?" "Yeah." "I Mean..." "Sure." "Whatever." "[ Slow Music Playing ]" "PerfectTimeForYourSlow" "Song, Date." "Okay." "Yeah." "SlowDance?" "I Promised You One." "Payton..." "Thanks." "ForWhat?" "ForBeingPayton." "I'm So Glad We're Friends." "[CameraShutterClicks]" "ThatWasTheKissI'dBeen" "WaitingForMy WholeLife." "You'reSuper-CoolAndTotally" "Awesome." "[CameraShutterClicks]" "Samantha'sTheGirlFor Me." "I'mSuchADork." "I Need To Tell You Something " "About Clark." "Go To The Comic-Book Shop" "Tomorrow At 5:00, Okay?" "Why?" "JustTrustMe On This." "Hey, Samantha." "WrongGirl,Man." "[ Groans ]" "YouCallThatAHit?" "!" "My Nana Can Hit Harder Than" "That!" "[Chuckles]" "[FootballAnnouncerTalking]" "Nothing?" "You're Not Gonna Chide Me For My" "Improper Parental Technique?" "All Right, What's Wrong?" "Oh, Look, I Know It's Football," "But I've Never Seen You This" "Down." "YouDon'tUnderstandAtAll." "AllRight." "So..." "You Started Off With The Hots" "For This Carrie Girl." "She Wanted To Play Matchmaker," "And You Had Hope That All The" "Time You Spent With Her, She" "Would Like You Back." "But Then You Realize You Really" "Connect To This Samantha, And" "Because You Don't Have" "Experience In This World, You" "Muck It All Up?" "Muck!" "Muck!" "Muck!" "Muck!" "[ Giggles ]" "Watch,Watch,Watch,Watch." "You Know, Son, If You Had Some" "Questions, You Could Have Come" "To Me." "Heck, We're Both Out There In" "The Dating World." "Maybe You Could Have Given Me A" "Tip Or Two." "Son, All I Know Is, If I Were" "You Right Now, I Would Need To" "Prove To This Girl " " This" "Samantha Girl " " That She Means" "More To Me Than Anything In The" "World, More Than This Carrie" "Chick, More Than The Respect Of" "Your Classmates, And, Yes, Even" "More Than The Mighty" "Chicago Bears." "[Giggles]" "Hey,That'sWhatYou Got To" "Do, Whether You Want To Believe" "It Or Not." "Now, If You Want To Go Figure It" "Out, I Officially Excuse You" "From Family Football Sunday." "Oh, Wait." "If You Are Really Determined" "And Willing To Pay The Price," "You Can Get It Done." "Ditka?" "WhatMakesYouThinkAllThe" "Advice I Give You Is " "Yeah." "Ditka." "It's Ditka." "Longest Conversation We've Had." "So,Let'sReallyThinkAbout" "This, Andy." "No Way Batman's A Dork." "Robin Number 1, He Dated" "Starfire, Right?" "And Robin Number 3 Had This" "Little Thing Going On With The" "Spoiler." "IDidn'tKnowYou LikeComic" "Books." "Yeah,I LikeComicBooks." "Shh." "So,NextTime,Can IGet- " "DoYouThinkICouldPlay" "Superman?" "No,YouCan'tPlaySuperman." "Oh,Really?" "Then Look At This." "Whoo!" "[TalkingExcitedly]" "YouReady,Kiddo?" "Hi,Mrs.Gardner." "Hey." "SameTimeNextWeek?" "Yeah,Definitely." "Okay." "Ah." "Say "Thank You," Andy." "ThankYou." "HighFive!" "YouReady?" "Ready." "SeeYa." "Thanks." "DidYouHaveFun ?" "Do You Like Clark?" "[TalkingIndistinctly]" "That Was Even Funner." "[Laughs]" "Hey,You'reReallyGonna" "Enjoy These." "That'll Be $38 Even." "Thanks." "ThankYou." "ComeAgain." "DidYouKnowAboutAndy ?" "Sure." "Clark And Andy Come In Here All" "The Time." "[Sighs]" "Why Would He Hide This From Me?" "He'sCaptainOf TheFootball" "Team." "He Doesn't Want Anyone To Think" "He's Uncool." "ButI 'mHisGirlfriend." "Exactly" "HeEspecially" "Doesn't Want His Girlfriend To" "Think He's Uncool." "[Sighs]" "I Need To Talk To You About" "Payton." "MyWholeLife,IWasWorried" "About" What'sTheWorstThat" "CanHappen?"" "ButNowIWas LivingIt." "IHadLostSamantha." "ThereWasNothingLeftToBe" "ScaredOf,'CauseItCouldn't" "GetAnyWorse." "ThisWholeTime,IWas" "Listening To Carrie's Advice " "HowToDress,How ToAct, How" "ToGetAReach-Around." "ButItWasTimeToStopDoing" "WhatSheWantedMeToDo And" "StartDoingWhatIWanted." "IfI 'mReallyASuperhero,I'm" "GonnaHaveTo ProveIt." "IJustNeedOne MoreBrilliant" "PlanToWooSamantha." "So,Everything" " Everything" "Involving You Was Part Of A" "Brilliant Plan To Woo Me?" "Yes!" "Payton's Not Just A Dork " " He's" "An Idiot." "You Make The Boy Stupid." "If That's Not Love, I Don't Know" "What Is." "Stop." "Don't Say Anything." "Look, I Understand What You See" "In Chester, Okay?" "Yeah, He's President Of The" "Chess Club And His Handwriting's" "Impeccable And He's Got Really," "Really, Really Great Hair." "But " " But I'm Not That Guy," "Okay?" "No." "Samantha." "But I'm Just The Guy Who's " "Who's Gonna Do This!" "[ Students Screaming ]" "Everybody,GetDown!" "IsThatATurnip?" "No,It'sAn Onion." "NoOutsideFood!" "Well,ItLooksLikeATurnip." "It'sAnOnion!" "Pbht!" "An Onion?" "Lame!" "ShutUp!" "ThisIsSoRomantic!" "Yes,I AmHoldingAVery" "Large Onion In My Right Hand," "But That Is Only Because If You," "Samantha Gibson, Do Not Give Me" "A Second Chance, Then..." "Then I'm Gonna Have To Eat This" "Right Here In Front Of" "Everybody!" "AndIfYouDon 'tGoOutWith" "Me, I'm Gonna Eat This Corn Dog." "[ Laughter ]" "No,AndIf YouDon 'tGiveMe" "Another Chance, I'm Just Gonna" "Finish My Fruit Cup." "He'sAllergicTo Onions." "He Could Become Violently Ill Or" "Even Die!" "Cool." "I Hope She Says No." "I'd Really Like To See That." "Son!" "Dad." "Son,WhatAreYou DoingUp" "There?" "That'sSamantha." "Oh." "Hi." "H-Hi,CoachBronko." "HowYouDoin'?" "I'mOkay." "I'mGonnaEatThisOnion!" "Son,You'reAllergicTo" "Onions!" "IKnow!" "EatIt!" "EatIt!" "Eat It!" "No,There'sNothingThat's" "Stopping Me Now " " Not Unless I" "Hear Something From Samantha" "About It, But..." "Payton." "...IDon'tHearAnything..." "Payton?" "...SoIt'sGettingReally" "Payton!" "What?" "YouHadMe At "I HaveAVery" "Large Onion."" "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Crowd Groaning ]" "[Squeals]" "[ Both Gasp ]" "DorkLoveIs In TheAir !" "Oww!" "KissMeSo YouCan 'tSay" "Anything Else Stupid." "YouKnow,ThisIsA Blatant" "Violation Of The School's" ""Public Displays Of Affection"" "Ban." "I'llTellYouWhat." "What?" "IfYouForgetAboutWhat You" "Just Saw, I Won't Bring Up Your" "Last Little Visit To The" "Thunder From Down Under At The" "Next Faculty Meeting." "I'llTellYouWhat." "How About We Just Forget" "Everything And You Take Me Out" "To Dinner This Weekend?" "Well,I-I..." "How 'Bout Saturday Night?" "SoundsGood." "Oh,Great." "JustSoYouKnow" "Doing" "Things Quickly Is Not A Trait" "Women Are Always Looking For In" "A Man, If You Get My Drift." "[Giggles]" "Wow!" "This Is Kicking Taco Day's Ass." "IAmAwesome." "Yeah." "Yeah,YouAre ." "You Are One Loveable Dork," "Payton." "HighSchool'sAwesome!" "[Giggles]" "IGotTheGirl,IGot The" "RespectOfMy Classmates,And" "EvenMyDadWas HappyForMe." "IGuessIn TheEnd ,HeWas" "Right." "IMean,You'reNeverALoser" "UntilYouQuitTrying." "AndIfYouKnowWhat YouWant," "Even If It's Not The Same Thing" "YouThoughtYouWantedAtThe" "Beginning,WhyNotKeepTrying" "ForIt?" "So,That'sMy Story." "AndSomewhereAlongThe Way ,I" "RealizedThatThereAre ALot" "OfOtherDorksOut ThereJust" "LikeMe." "[ Laughter ]" "AndTheyMightAlsoWant To" "KnowSomeOf My Secrets." "You'reProbablyGonnaBeA" "Teen Mom." "Besides,DorksAre"In "Right" "Now." "ThisWholeTimeThatIWas" "TryingToBe ASuperhero,I" "GuessI ReallyJustNeededTo" "Be..." "Myself." "I Mean, What's The Worst That" "Can Happen?" "Well,I Mean,The'85 Bears" "WereTheBestChicagoFootball" "Team Ever, And It Was Because " "TheyWereAmazing." "MikeDitka." "Uh-Huh." "HeBroughtThemToThe" "Super Bowl." "HeyAndHello,Everybody." "Welcome To Ditka's." "Hello,Mr.Ditka." "How'sTheFood?" "ReallyGood." "It's Really Delicious." "It'sTheOnionThatGivesIt" "That Little Kick." "[Choking,Coughing]" "[ The Features' "Lions" Plays ]" "♪YouMayFindYourself" "Angry At The Things I Do ♪" "♪ Things I Put You Through ♪" "♪ Hope You're Able To" "Forgive Me Like I Forgive You ♪" "♪ I Forgive You ♪" "[Gasps]" "Mmm." "Snickers." "Aw, Come Here, Big Boy!" "CanI HaveALittleBitOf" "Your Stuff?" "Oh, My God!" "Oh, My God." "No,It'sAllRight." "No,Y" "It Was" "ItWas" "Don'tWorryAboutIt." "It Was In The Way." "♪NotEvenLions" "Can Tear Us Apart ♪" "[ Guitar Solo ]" "♪ Let's Stick Together ♪" "♪ Let's Follow Our Hearts ♪" "♪ Not Even Lions" "Can Tear Us Apart ♪" "♪ Oh, Girl," "What Are You Thinking?" "♪" "[ Far As Hell's "Finally Here"" "Plays ]" "♪ItStartedOut" "With Some Loud Shouts ♪" "♪ As We Ran Around And Around ♪" "♪ I Saw You There" "With Your Long Blond Hair ♪" "♪ I Would Have Never Guessed" "I'd Meet You Here ♪" "♪ If Dreams Come True," "I'll Come Talk To You ♪" "♪ When I'm Up Here," "It All Becomes So Clear ♪" "♪ You Look So Cute" "Doing That Move You Do ♪" "♪ I Can't Believe" "I'm Finally Here ♪" "♪ Our Eyes, They Lock" "As The Band Rocks ♪" "♪ Should I Try My Luck" "With You?" "♪" "♪ I Can't Believe" "I'm Finally Here ♪" "♪ I Can't Believe" "I'm Finally Here ♪" "♪ I Can't Believe... ♪" "YouKnow,If YouWereA" "Burger At Mcdonald's, You'd Be" "Called A "Mcgorgeous."" "Dollar Menu, Probably." "Yeah."