"What up, my lovely females?" "This is your boy, Costa." "Your host for the evening." "Behind me is Thomas Kub's house, today is Thomas Kub's birthday, and this is Project X, yo." "[2 Live Crew's "We Want Some Pussy" playing]" "Hey, we want some pussy..." "Hey, we want some pussy..." "Birthday cake!" "Mmm." "Dax, my dick is gonna get so wet tonight" " Excuse me?" " Shit!" "Um..." " Mrs. Kub, I thought you guys left already." " So, what's getting wet tonight?" "Uh... nothing." "I'm sorry about that, Mrs. Kub." "Who's your friend?" "Don't worry about him." "We're just shooting this little birthday movie for Thomas." "It's, like, this day-in-the-life thing that we do." "He's still in the shower." "See you later." "[whispering] Fuck me, that was close!" "Dax..." " Happy birthday, motherfucker!" " Shit!" "What the fuck, dude?" " What the fuck, man?" " Get out." "Quit jerking off to your mom." "So, dude, it's your last day of being a loser." "How does it feel?" "Ew!" "You're such a dick, Costa." "That shit never gets old." "What's up, Dax?" "How'd they rope you into this?" "He's one of J.B.'s guys from Gay-V club." "He's a fucking weirdo, I know, but he's a solid shooter." "He's gonna make us look pimping." "You fucking better!" " Thomas, get down here!" " Oh, shit." "Let's go." "You said your parents were gonna be gone by 7." " Come on." " I don't want to go talk to your fucking dad." "Your mother will kill me, and then I'll have to kill you guys." " Here's 40 bucks for pizza, okay?" " Oh, cool." "You guys can have that." "Knock yourself out." "Back door, turn the alarm system off, and, look, Thomas, I'm not an idiot." "I know that you're going to have friends over," " Dad, why do you think" " Honestly, we have no" "I'm sorry, who are you?" "That's Dax." "He's shooting a movie for a birthday ... present." " He's just a friend from school." " Four or five friends tops." "I'm just asking that you please respect my house." " Okay?" " Alright." "Fine." "So, don't forget to leave the gate open for the gardener." "I know I don't need to tell you, but my car is off-limits." " Yeah, Dad, I know." " Okay." "Good." "Pool heater?" "Don't touch it." "Also, guys, do not go in my office, right?" "You know I have three projects I'm working on." "I don't want anybody in there." "Clear?" "Get out." "Out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Nothing goes in here, alright?" "Where's your mom?" "Oh, I've got to get the bags." "What..." "What's going on?" "What's the matter?" "I'm just worried." " About what?" " I don't know." "Thomas." "Leaving him alone all weekend." "Please, stop it." "Come on, honey, he's..." " He's 17 years old." " That's what I'm worried about." "Let's be realistic here, okay?" "This is Thomas we're talking about." " He's not exactly Mr. Popular." " What is that supposed to mean?" "I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid, you know?" "He's got a couple of friends." "They're gonna hang out." "They're not going to do anything." "He's a sweet kid, but... he's a loser." "[all singing] Happy birthday to you." "Happy birthday, Thomas." "Whoo!" "Yay!" "Honey, car's here." "Boys, you've got to get to school." "Cool." "Hold on." "We've got to give Thomas his birthday present." "Mr. Kub, how cool is it that Thomas was born on your anniversary, huh?" "What a great anniversay gift:" "A baby." "Happy birthday, sweetie!" "Mom's minivan?" "Nice!" " Yeah, and it's just for school and back, all right?" " Yes, of course." " Cool, right?" "You've got a car now." " Thank you so much." "I know." "Okay, and, Milo, you take good care of Thomas, okay?" "Mom's gonna miss you." "Okay, bye." "All right." "See you, guys." "And, uh, every one of my phone calls get answered, right?" " Every one." " Yeah, I know." " All right." "Have fun." " Happy anniversary!" "Get off me, you little faggot dog!" "Yeah!" "It's on, motherfuckers!" "Whoo!" "Chill out!" "God damn." "Dude, it was really cool of your mom and dad to clean it out and wash it for you." "Dude, it's a free car." "I'm not about to complain about a free car." "First off, it's not even a car." "It's a fucking minivan." "We can't even roll in this." "Dude, too bad your dad didn't give you the Benz." "That would've been sick." "You know, you're right, Costa." "Let's just take your car." " Oh, you don't have one." " Good fucking joke." "So, dog, you ready for tonight?" "Uh..." "I actually want to talk to you about that before we jump into it." " I knew it." "You're bitching out." " What?" "What?" "Dude, I'm not bitching out." "Thomas is bitching out like the little bitch that he is." "Oh, my God." "We need this party, man." "You need this party." "I'm just nervous." "What if nobody shows up?" "What if it sucks?" "That's not an option." "People will show up." "Look at J.B. He's like a little fat Rain Man texting away." "Are you telling me he doesn't need this?" "Holy shit!" "Did your parents give you the minivan?" "That's awesome!" "Hey, Costa." "Hey, Dax!" "Excuse me, can I get to my locker right there?" "Dude, why are you staring at my dick?" "I wasn't." "It's-- my locker is right there..." " Whatever, you fucking weirdo." " Just let it go." "Just come on." " Yeah, that's a sweet minivan, soccer mom." " See?" "See what I told you?" "Is it true what I heard about you at Sam's party last week?" "You got a blowjob from his mom?" "That party was so sick." "Everyone got laid." "You know, Wheelchair Robert even got a handjob." "Nice." "Are you kidding me?" "Why the fuck weren't we at that party, man?" "Well, so we missed the party, dude." "Big deal." "It is a big deal." "We miss every party." "I mean, did you hear that guy?" "Wheelchair Robert got beat off." "I want to show you something." "You see this?" "Check this out." "That's Stacia." "She's gorgeous, right?" "That's my girl back in Queens, and we could be crushing this kind of ass." "We need a game-changer." "I mean, no one even knows who we are." "If we want to be big-time players, we need to make a big-time play." "You feel me?" "J.B. ..." "Whoa!" "What the fuck, man?" "Why do you have a boner?" "I don't." "It's just ..." "my underwear is sitting funny." " Dude, cover up." " That's absolutely disgusting." "I mean, it's easy to talk shit, when the party's not even at your house." "Dude, please don't back out." "This party is going to change everything for us." "Yeah, well, I'm the one taking the whole risk." "I mean, all you do is show up and drink." "Do you really think your two best friends would ditch you if something went wrong?" " I'm fucking offended, man." " Yeah, me, too." "The whole idea behind tonight is to get these bitches to recognize us as large-scale ballers." "Back in Queens, I had hos blowing me on the reg." "Then I started hanging out with you two?" "ZERO!" " I just don't really see the point any more." " How do you not see the point?" "There's the point." "There's the point." " Okay." " There's two more fucking points right there!" " It's all around, dude." " I get it." "If you fuck this up, I will stab you." "I'm not kidding." " Okay, like, no more than twenty people." " Twenty people?" " All right." "Thirty people, okay?" " Thirty people?" "Yeah." "I have to make sure my house doesn't get totally fucked." "Thirty people won't change anything for us." "All right." "Like, okay, fifty people absolute max." "Fine." "Fifty people." "Absolute max." "You know, just big enough to be cool." "Mass marketing." "Ya know." "... and if you guys get there before we get there, you could just get in the backyard and set up, and do what you've got to do." "Dax." "Dax." "Go up over the top." "Okay." "Really appreciate that." "Oh, uh..." "I have to call you back, Sarah." "I'm sorry." "Dude, what are you doing, Dax?" "Get the fuck out of here!" " What the fuck are you doing?" " Guys..." "Oh, are you fucking with me right now?" "That was a business call for your birthday party!" "Who takes a shit and makes a business call?" "Are you guys kidding me?" "Come on, dude." "I can't see a thing!" "It's dark as fuck in here!" "Dax, come on." "Let's get closer." "It should be pretty cool, eh?" "Basically chill." " I'm letting Costa plan most of it." " Oh." "That sounds like a really brilliant idea." "No, he's doing a good job." "He's, like, getting a bunch of booze, and..." "I think, like, a DJ." "A DJ?" "Super chill." "Guess what Mama Kub and Papa Kub got for, uh..." "Baby Kub?" " ..." "Baby Kub for his birthday?" " What?" "The Kubmobile." "They gave you the minivan?" "For my birthday, yes." "Your parents definitely give the worst gifts ever." "Where's your present?" "Dude, are you serious?" "You haven't gotten me a birthday present in, like, ten years!" " I thought we were just..." " So?" "But, since I am a better friend than you," "I did get you something." "I'll bring it tonight." "Okay, I have to go run." "Happy birthday, loser." "Don't trip." "Oh, shit!" "Ow!" "I'm okay!" "Thomas, suck my cock." " What?" " Mama Kub and Papa Kub?" "Yeah." "Those are my parents, asshole." "Damn!" "She's so fucking hot, dude." "You think she'll come tonight?" "I'm not inviting her." "You've got to do this one." "Alexis won't come." "She fucks college dudes." "Lamell?" " What the...?" "I don't know any Lamell." " Aw, he's cool." "You guys, seriously, the last thing I want in my house is a bunch of randoms." "Wrong, dude." "The last thing you want is nobody at your fucking house." "The more the word gets around, the more likely these chicks are going to show up at our party." "Watch and learn how Captain __ does it." "[Trick Daddy's "I'm a Thug" playing]" "Hey, girls." "Remember to wear something tight." "What's up, sisters?" "Thomas Kub's house. 8 o'clock." "Come get a piece of this white chocolate." "Are you going to be going to Thomas' birthday party tonight?" "Thomas?" "Who's that?" "Who's Thomas?" "Is there something there?" "That dick in the sweater vest was telling us about?" "What up, Ace?" "8 o'clock." "What are your expectations for the party tonight, dude?" "Get high." "Fuck bitches." "You don't even know." "Yeah, I think we're gonna come." "Can we bring some people?" "Can I bring people?" "Thomas Kub's house." "8 o'clock." "[Happy Birthday, Thomas Kub!" "]" "Oh, shit!" "[J.B. likes hard cock]" "What we are witnessing is truly a breathtaking moment in the life of our young Thomas." "The helpless fetus is growing a tiny, tiny penis." "A penis he may some day insert into this female's vagina, should he survive his first encounter without her eating him." "[Pusha T feat." "Tyler, the Creator "Trouble On My Mind" playing]" "Dude, we need a ton." "Extra-large condoms." "I'm not paying for that shit." "[over PA] Attention, valued shoppers." "Join us for an evening of ballsy entertainment at Thomas Kub's house." "Dude, stop." "Hey, little one, want something to drink?" "She's gonna catch him, and he's gonna get his ass kicked." "Holy shit, dude!" "It's Miles Teller!" "Dude, that's him." "Holy shit." "Yeah, my boy started at second base for UMC." "I heard he got sent to detention once and he ended up banging the teacher." "Mi-Tel, what's crackin', bro?" "We go to North Pas." " Yeah, we're big fans." " Huge fans." "Cool." "Awesome." "Look: we're making a movie." "Invite him, man." "Come on." "Okay, uh..." "Listen, Miles, we're having a little soirée at my place tonight." "I mean, if you want to swing by." "Teller, my boy here is under-selling this like a motherfucker." "The shit's gonna be legit." "You should definitely swing by." "Yeah, I can't I've actually got other plans tonight, so I might not make it." "Dude, think about it." "It's on Dickens Street." "Love to have you." "Uh..." "Dickens Street?" "That's your party?" "You guys are throwing that?" "I'm" " That's where I'm going." "I heard it's gonna be fucking crazy, bro." "Yeah, it's my party." "I'm Thomas Kub." "It's my birthday today." "Yeah, I heard there's gonna be unlimited high-school pussy and shit." "Dude, high-school pussy for days." "What?" "Mind your own business, lady." "Um... how are you guys doing on liquor?" "You got liquor?" "I'll figure it out." "I'll tell you what:" "Don't even worry about it, man." "I'll bring it." "I'll call my boys up." "Don't even sweat about anything." "Thank you so much!" "Cool." "See you guys tonight, then." " Alright, cool." " Dickens Street." "Teller, bring your mitt." "We'll play catch." "No." "Bring your mitt?" "Fucking fuck?" "[AMG's "Bitch Betta Have My Money" playing]" "Okay, here's what I want:" "The party is limited to the backyard, okay?" "The house will be locked, and the alarm will be set." "No one is going inside." "All right?" " You want us to throw down in the bushes?" " I don't care." "Dude, if I don't fuck a girl with big titties tonight, I'm drowning myself." "I don't care if she's 300 pounds." "I have to fuck a girl with big titties." "You feel my drift, J.B.?" "Sure do." "I mean, I'd love to get some oral, or, at least, do some finger-banging." "What?" "Finger-banging?" "Can you please elaborate?" "What you're going to do is take your first finger, your thumb, and your middle finger." "Make a "come here" motion." "Like, "Hey, come here."" "This is called, "The Machine Gun", or "The Friendly Scissors"." "This is called, "The Circle of Pleasure"..." ""The Itsy Bitsy Spider" ..." "Tapping and circling..." "Tap-tap-tap..." "By the way, keep telling her how pretty she is all the time." "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" " Oh, my God!" " Your loss, man." "It's good knowledge." "You're gonna go straight up here, and then you're gonna take a right again." "Alright." "Listen." "The three of us will have full access to the house for sex and finger-banging" "Yes!" " but no one else, okay?" "Of course, bro." "We got your back." " Okay." "Take a right." " Here?" "You're gonna want to lock your doors." " Are you serious?" " Yes, I'm serious." "Lock your doors." "T-Rick." "Gotta score some of that chronic shit!" "Are you sure this guy is cool?" "T-Rick's the coolest." "He's ex-military." "Wait 'til you see his gun collection, bro." "It's fucking insane." "This place is ghetto as fuck." "Yeah." "Why the fuck do we have to come all the way over here?" "I mean, can't we just get it at school?" "Where do you think the school gets it from?" "This is wholesale, nigga." "You are literally retarded." "Aw, shut the fuck up." "T-Rick!" "Open up!" "Hey!" "What's up, bro?" "How you doing?" "Everything copacetic?" "Dude, everything's great." "I see you upgraded the dish." "Everything looks great." "Yeah, I fucking did." "I upscaled it." "These are my boys J.B. and Thomas." "Hi." "How are you doing?" "...a semi-automatic Mossberg Maverick." "I'd love to go to the range with you some time." "You know?" "Yeah." "That's a good idea." "Go to the range." "Get it all out of your system." "Pretend you're killing Congs if you want." "[James Blunt - "You're Beautiful" playing in background]" "Alright, well, I'll get your stuff." " Here." "Stoke up the fire, buddy." " Aw, man, you're the man." " Okay, T-Rick." " Yeah." "Kick ass, man." "Can we get going?" " Come sit down, dude." " Check it out." " What are you doing?" " Fucking stop." "That's technically a homosexual act." "Oh!" "I'm coming on Santa Claus' face!" "Costa!" "He's coming back!" " Take it!" " What are you doing?" "Are you stealing it?" "No!" "Just borrowing it." "We need a fucking mascot for the party." "Here you go." "Let's do this." "I've got to be at the dojo by five." "Absolutely." "I told you guys." "T-Rick's just a sweetheart." "You little fucking cocksucker!" "Give the gnome back!" "Just drive!" "Go!" "He's a fucking wild man!" "He's fucking crazy!" "Holy shit!" "Oh, my God." "God!" "Dude, he fucking cracked my windshield!" "My cousin owns a body shop." "He'll fix it no problem, man." "Kung-fu no good here." "Aaaahhhh!" "Give me back my gnome!" "The guy's like the fucking Terminator!" "Jesus!" " No, he was super-pissed, though." " He scared the shit out of me." "Hey, boss." " What the fuck?" " There he is." "This is Everett, and his boy, Tyler." "They're gonna be running security for the night." "Are you serious?" " Are those nunchucks?" " Yeah." " Oh, shit." " You guys look like ninjas." "Ninjas are fucking pussies." " That's why I love this kid." " You know it." "Seriously, Thomas, with these two, we've got nothing to worry about." " We outside the Kub house" " Hey!" " We've got bogeys." " What up, Costa?" "Do I know you guys?" "We heard about your shindig tonight." " We want in." " Freshmen?" " Yeah." " Get the fuck out of here, man." " Come on, dude." " Are you still talking?" "Get the fuck out of here." " Dick." " Oh!" "J.B., drop those bags." "We've got work to do." "Hi." "Good evening, Mrs. Stilson." "My name is Oliver." "This is my friend, Jonathan." " We're both friends of Thomas Kub." " Oh." "Yeah." "We're hosting a little birthday party for Thomas, and we wanted to give you the courtesy of informing you that there possibly would be a little bit of party-related noise." "You are a very beautiful woman." "... a little birthday party for Thomas Kub." "He lives just over there." " Am I invited?" " Uh..." "Yeah, you can come by." "Well, guys, thank you very much, and have a good time at your pool party." "Thank you, man." "I really appreciate it." "Come by any time you want, man." "Seriously." " All right." "Thank you." " All right." "Bye, baby!" "Muchas gracias por su... consideration." "Estas bienvenido." " Gracias." " De nada." " DJ's over there." " Cool." " Got the bar set up over here." " Nice." " Karaoke in the poolhouse." " Nice!" "Holy shit, dude!" "Where'd you get a bouncy house?" " Costa hooked it up." " You know it, baby!" "$50 extra with the porta-potty." "They threw these in for free." " Nice touch." " Why not?" "It's a birthday party!" "You guys want to help?" "Do something!" "Hey, Chubs, why don't you grab your twin brother right there?" " Fuck it, dick." " Hey, dudes, check it out." "Yeah, like that's going to work." "Yes, it is going to work." "Next time your pool guy's here, he's going to be, like," ""Excuse me, Mr. Kub, but I seem to have found some water in your semen."" "Fucking disgusting." "J.B. I thought I told you pick up ice!" "I did." "It's in the freezer in the garage." " What the fuck are you doing, man?" " I'm getting in shape for the party." " The party is in three hours!" " It's mostly water-weight." " Wrestlers do it all the time." " Yeah, wrestlers also wrestle all the time." " Let's crank this thing up." " No!" "Please, Costa, don't!" "It's not gonna work unless we crank it up." "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" " Let's go!" "Come on!" " Dax!" "Dax!" "Help me!" "Dax!" "Aahh!" "Are you alright, dude?" "J.B., are you alright?" "An hour from now, this place is a fucking madhouse." "Not a madhouse." "It's going to be a fun, decent-sized party." "You." "Me." "Dax." "Thank you." "I don't drink alcohol." "Okay, faggot." "To one sick, fucking night." "Cheers." "Shit!" "Come on!" "How are you so fucking bad at this game, Costa?" "Shut up, Kirby." "You're killing my concentration." "Thomas, come here." "I'm kicking Costa's ass." "Oh-ho!" "Watch this." " Looks like I win." " Shit!" "Fuck you." "You guys, it's like 9:20 already." "Dude, relax." "People are going to show up." "I promise, bro." " It's getting late." " I'm gonna look like such a dick if no one shows." "Shut the fuck up, Thomas." "It's pissing me off that you don't trust me to know what I'm doing." "I'm the hub of a very large social circle." "When I put the word out, it goes fucking out." " Oh." "My." "God." " What the fuck are you wearing?" "You're gonna get laid, dude." "Ladies love a guy with class." "Are you retarded?" "Jesus Christ, man." "Where do you even get shit like that?" " Men's Wearhouse." " Men's Wearhouse?" "Hey." "Whoa." "Shh." "What is it?" "That's what I said." "Don't doubt the master, bitches!" "[Lloyd Banks feat." "Juelz Santana "Beamer, Benz, or Bentley" playing]" "Dude, we've done good." "Jesus." "All those chicks are really hot." " They're coming in packs." " This is insane." "L'chaim!" "What up, baby girl?" "Yeah." "This is way more than fifty people." "Of course it is." "It's "plus one."" "That's fucking Alexis, dude." " She came, man." " Whoa." "Thomas, this is your party." "She's the hottest girl here." "That had better be yours tonight." "[Eminem - "W.T.P." playing]" "Where the fuck is your drink, Thomas?" " I'm not doing beverages." " What the fuck does that even mean?" " J.B. get this kid to drink." " Yeah, all right." "Everybody in the club gettin' tipsy!" "Who's that dude with the mustache?" "Oh, that's de Rosa." "He graduated." "When?" "In 1986?" "Can we at least try and have a good time?" "Wooh!" " He's good." " Here we go!" "Blast off!" "That is not fucking cool!" "Oh, my God!" "It's a flying dog!" "That's my fucking dog!" " Oh, I've got to record this." " Are you serious right now?" " Fuck this." "I'm putting him inside." " Let me help you." "Can you imagine if your mom ever saw that?" "Poor Milo." "I don't know." "It's pretty funny." " Maybe I'll post it on YouTube." " No!" "No." "Stop." "Don't." "Come on." "You're way too easy." " I love it." " I hate you." "You'll be okay, Milo." "I promise." "Alright, well, um..." "I'm going to go back out there." "Yo, what's up, bro?" " Hey, man, what's up?" " Nice party, man." "Yeah, thanks." "Would you guys mind maybe getting off my dad's car?" "It's just, he'll go crazy if anything happens to it, you know?" "Alright, man, cool." "Thanks." "I appreciate it." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Thomas!" "Take a bullet from me right now." " What the fuck is that?" " It's tequila." "Just fucking take it." "Come here." "Come here." "Come on." "Ladies." "What's up, ladies?" "Who wants to take a shot with the birthday boy?" "Hell yeah." "She's a professional." "Open up!" "Take it!" "Oh, my God, she's got a deep throat!" "Okay!" "Open up!" "Open up!" " What's up, guys?" " Well, we did it." "This is amazing!" "How the hell did we get all these people to show up?" "Check it out, guys." "I'm pretty sure it's that girl from Playboy." " Who?" " My God, it is her." "She graduated three years ago." "She's in Playboy's Pac-10 issue." "Dibs." "Yeah, like that's going to happen." "Well, I want to declare it, just in case." " [Bus horn honking]" " Oh, shit!" "We're fucked." " What's going on?" " There's people in the house!" "Shit." " Hey, Costa!" " I'm under-staffed!" "Come on!" "I need your fucking help, man." "Seriously." "Welcome to the party." "Welcome." "Welcome." " Yo, what's up, man?" " Miles!" "How we doing?" "That's Ashley." "Rachel." "Sarah." "Look at all these people I brought to your party!" "Party camera, boost it up." "Let's go!" "I'm talking about the fucking people in the house, asshole, alright?" "My parents are going to crucify me if anything gets fucked up." "You know what?" "I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a dick," " I'm getting them out of the house, now." " Dude, come on." "Dude, what the fuck are you doing?" "Thomas, please don't embarass me like this." "Yeah!" "Thomas!" "[Crowd cheering]" "That's what I like to see, baby!" "Are you having a good time?" "Come on, guys." "Let's start making some drinks." "Let's get wasted." "Yeah, Costa!" "Can I help you, sir?" " I'm here to see Thomas." " First and last name, please." "I'm Rob, the neighbor." "Who the fuck are you?" " I'll ask the questions, sir." " Get out of my way." "Rob." "Hey." "What can I do for you, man?" "Man, I don't mean to be a dick here, or anything," "Your friend Oliver came over earlier and told me you guys were having a little party, but this is too much." "Yeah, we actually should be winding down around midnight." "Maybe 1:00." " Is that okay?" " No, man, it's not." "I'm sorry." "The baby can't sleep, and Melinda has to be up early for work." "Fuck yeah, my boy Rob is here!" "Rage!" "I'm sorry." "The baby can't sleep, and Melinda has to be up early for work." "Fuck yeah, my boy Rob is here!" "Rage!" "Good to see you, brother." "Actually, you know what, bud?" "I'm not raging." "I'm actually just telling Thomas that it's time to shut it down." "You can't be serious." "This is a great party." "What the fuck?" "I am serious, 'cause it's 11:30 at night, and it's time to wrap it up." "Why don't we just bring everyone to the back, lower the volume" "Guys, this isn't a request." "The party is over." "I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, then, aren't we?" "Listen to me." "Thomas, either shut it down, or I'm calling the cops." "Fine." "Fuck it." "I'm calling the fucking co" " AAAHHH!" "Oh, Jesus Christ, what did you do that for?" "Are you fucking kidding me?" "He'll fucking kill you!" "Who the fuck Tased me?" "I'm definitely calling the cops now." "You punched a kid in the face." "I'm calling the cops on your ass now." "Do it, genius." "It's all on tape." "I just saw this motherfucker record it right here." "All I got was you punching that little child's face." " Fuck you." " Go home, Robert." "[Crowd booing]" "Are you alright, man?" "Is he okay?" "You're a fucking champion!" "He sucker-punched you." " We'd own that bitch in a real fight." " You think so?" "I know so." "Fuck that asshole." "We'd kill him, bro." " Yo, Costa, what's up?" " Yo, go in the back." "I want you to dial it back like 10-15%." "You can't hard-charge all the time, alright?" " And lose the Taser, okay?" " I got it." "Get down here." "We need a post-up at the cockbiter's house." "If he calls the cops, I want you to radio it over to me." "Okay?" "Get out of here." "Go!" "Alexis was eye-fucking the shit out of you, and you got college girls on your dick." "You're golden!" "Dude, I'm so fucked." "Relax, man." "Everything is going great." "Oh, shit!" "Are you fucking kidding me?" "Didn't I tell you two to fuck off?" " Get down here, right now!" " Come on, Costa, there's like 200 people here." "I don't care." "T, get these freshmen out of here." "This is party for grown-ups." " Let's fucking go!" " This makes no sense." " There's kids younger than we are!" " Yeah, how the hell did they get up there?" "Move it, fellas." "Go!" "Go!" "You, too." "Get out of here." "That's my boy!" "That's my boy!" "See?" "The kid's a pro." "We've got nothing to worry about." "Dude, you heard Rob, man." "What if he calls the cops?" "The guy isn't going to do shit." "He punched a 12 year-old in the face." "Thomas, everything is under control." "Let's just have some fun." "I got this." "Okay?" "Cannonball, bitches!" "Get in!" "This is the Thomas Kub pool-cam." "Dude, check it out." "Check it out." "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Read the sign, honey." "Sorry." "I don't make the rules." "No fucking way!" " Dude, go over there!" " Do you fucking believe this?" "Yeah!" "[All cheering]" " Oh, my God!" " Holy shit!" "Fucking insane!" "Oh, my God." "Dude, that sign fucking worked." "You've got to have faith, son." "Would you like a glass of wine?" "I've got red." "I've got white." "I've got Cabernet." " Merlot." " Just another beer would be great." "How'd this thing get up here?" " Was someone in my parents' room?" " It's a gnome." "I guess he gets around." " Who cares, man?" " I just don't want people up here." "Besides, it's creepy." "Look at it." "J.B., what are you looking for?" "Looking to see if your dad has condoms." "I'm working on something downstairs." "The only thing you're working on is diabetes, you fat fuck." "Whoa, dude, Alexis just texted me." "What?" "What's it say?" "Body shots for the birthday boy right now." " Dude, it's fucking on!" " Check it out." " Your dad is a freak." " Stop." "Costa, wait!" "What are you doing?" "Replying." " Don't." "Here, don't send that." " Send." "Too late, man." "What did you write?" ""I want your ass, too, mommy"?" ""I want your ass, Mommy"?" "Who talks like that?" "I do." "The shit works." "Go." "Go talk to her." "[White Arrows" " City Boy (KKS mix) playing]" "Wait, wait wait!" "No, no, no, no." " What?" " Not like that." "Not like that." "Like this." "Put this in your mouth." "Your turn." "Kub!" "House phone!" "House phone!" "Shit!" "Sorry." "Look out." "Sorry." "Sorry." "Excuse me." "Sorry." "Thanks." "Close that behind you." "Shit!" "Dax, find the phone!" "Alright, fuck it." "Just be quiet." " Hello?" " Thomas." " Are you there?" "Where've you been?" " Dad, hey." "We've been trying your cell phone all night." "I thought we agreed all my calls would be answered." "Yeah, I know." "I'm sorry about that." "We..." "We were in the hot tub, so I didn't have it on me." "Thomas, please, I don't want to find any wet towels when we get home." " I want to come to a clean house, okay?" " Yes." "Definitely." "[Knocking on door] We were just calling" " What was that?" "[whispering] Dude, look at her!" "What was that?" "Thomas?" "Uh... nothing." "That was Costa." "You're on speaker-phone." "Well, we just wanted to call one last time before going to bed." "I can hear you're all safe." "Good night." "Yup, all good." "Um..." "I'm actually about to go to sleep ... right now." "Great." "Well, we'll see you Sunday." " Happy birthday, Thomas." " Thanks, Dad." "Good night." "Good night." "Holy shit!" "Yeah!" "Fuck yeah!" "Hey, I'm not here to bust anybody." "I'm just here to party." "C'mon, give me a break." "You got a ball?" " Yeah, man." " Let's do this." "Here we go." "Up high!" "Come on, right here!" "Yeah!" "What's that, dude?" "Hold on, I can't fucking hear a thing you're saying." "Speak up, E." "What?" "E?" "What the fuck are you doing here?" " What are you going to do about it?" " Dickhead." "You're a fucking asshole." "Go ahead, bro." "What's happening?" "Subject is currently arguing with an overweight woman, most likely his wife." "She wants him to call the police." "He says he wants to handle it himself." "He's drinking." "They're in the kitchen." "I'm upstairs." " Kids are asleep." "Over." " Wait!" "In their house?" "Are you fucking kidding me?" "E, get the fuck out!" "Now!" "Negative." "I'm a ghost." "Out." "What the fuck am I going to do with this kid?" "E?" "E?" "[Bonde do Rolê" " Marina Do Bairro playing]" " Are you having fun?" " Yeah, I'm having a good time." "It's pretty fucking crazy." "Oh, my God." "What was wrong with me?" "Wow." "This was before Costa." "Yeah." "The good old days." "Yeah." "Back when you were still in the crew, right?" "You used to be so cute." "What happened?" "Shut the fuck up." "It still looks like me." "Was that weird?" "I'm sorry." " Shit." "That was weird, wasn't it?" "Fuck." " No..." "It was a little weird." "Um..." "Cops on the way!" "Now!" "Everybody, now!" "Party in the back!" "Get in the back, now!" "Hey, you over there!" "Get in the back!" "Cops are coming!" "Let's move!" "Move it!" "Move it!" "Let's go!" "Hurry up!" "Cops are coming!" "Everybody in the back!" "Costa!" " Hey!" "Costa!" " Everybody get in the back!" "Hey, what's going on?" " The cops are on the way right now." " Oh, shit." "Get in the back, now!" "Everybody move!" "Let's go!" "Hide the bottles!" "Get going!" "Get in the back, now!" "Get out, you guys, please!" " They're on their way, now." " Wait." "How do you know that?" "Don't ask." "My boy is in deep." "Gotta clear this fucking beer out of here." " Is that everything?" " Yeah." "I've got your chalice." "Law enforcement currently on-scene." "Standing down ... for now." " I don't hear anything." " No, it doesn't sound like a party." "Not a party that's still going, anyway." "Evening, officers." "You fellas having a party?" "Yeah, we're having a small, little birthday gathering for my friend." "I'm the friend." "It's my birthday." "A lot of cars for a small party." "SSSSSShhhhhhh!" "The house." "Whose is it?" "Is there a problem here, officers?" "We have a noise complaint." " Mind if we look around?" " I'd prefer if you didn't." "We're not asking." "Excuse me, officers." "I'm not a lawyer or anything, doesn't the law state that you cannot enter through a private residence without permission?" "Is there an adult here we might speak with?" "You're speaking with one." "I'm 18½ years-old, sir, and, of course, in my culture, I've been a man since my 13th birthday." "So, you're telling us we cannot come in?" "Well, with all due respect, technically the law says you cannot." "What we're saying is you may not." "I guess both are true." "The law says you cannot, because we say you may not." "All right, all right." "Props on all the can/may bullshit." " Very good." " No doubt." "Thank you, sir." "Just keep the noise down to a minimum, okay?" "Yes, sir." "Of course." "Don't make us come back." "You know what I mean?" " Yeah." " Of course." " Good night." " Good night, officers." ""Technically the law says..." blah, blah, blah..." "Damn Internet." "Everybody's a fucking attorney." " Fucking A, Costa." " Seriously." "Come inside." "Just come inside." "Just forget about it." "To the break of dawn, yo!" "[All cheering]" "[Kid Cudi feat." "MGMT  Ratatat "Pursuit of Happiness (Steve Aoki remix)" playing]" "Oh, shit!" "What the fuck are you doing?" "Thomas, my cousin can replace the window, no problem." "It's all good, man." "I promise." "Where did you get this?" "This is my mom's." "It's not a problem." "I'm not going to break it." "Throw it in here nice and low." "Take it!" "They're pills!" "It's Ecstacy, bro!" "Oh, shit!" "Give it to me!" "Are you serious?" "You heard about this on craigslist?" "On craigslist, yeah." "There was a thing, a gnome." "He's right there." " Whoa." "We are so fucked." " Relax, man." "We need to tell Thomas." "T-Rick's so burned out, he probably forgot about it already." "This is bad." "Mom, Dad, it's me, Thomas." "Um..." "I'm drunk." "I mean, that's not an excuse." "Hopefully we'll meet again, so I can explain things." "I mean, I don't really have an explanation other than fucking Costa made me do it." " [Knocking on door]" " Fuck off!" " Dude, it's us!" " I know!" "What the fuck are you doing in here?" "The whole party is outside, man." "Have you seen what my fucking house looks like?" "We'll have the whole day to fix up this place like new." "It's all good." "No, it's not all good, okay?" "And what about this?" "What if my parents see it?" "Nobody is going to see this shit but us." "I promise." "Where the fuck did all these people even come from?" "I mean, you know a guy down there told me he found out about the party on craigslist?" "My dad met my step-mom on craigslist." "So you just put my address on the fucking Internet?" " Well, not just the Internet." " Shut the fuck up, J.B.." "No." "Wait." "What the fuck is he talking about?" "Okay." "I had Jesse Marco put out an e-mail blast, and I may have called a radio station." "You motherfuckers!" "Hey, you were so nervous about people not showing up." "Dude, people are spilling shit, breaking shit..." "I mean, people are probably stealing shit, alright?" "It's out of control." "And, look, I wasn't nervous." "I just wanted the party to be big enough to be cool." "Dude, look, back in Queens" "And I'm fucking sick of hearing about Queens, alright?" "We get it." "Queens is awesome." "We're a bunch of pussies." "I don't fucking care." "Whatever happens, we can make this right." "I'll fix this whole fucking house myself if I have to." "Your parents aren't even coming home until Sunday." "You just need to relax, man." " Want a massage, bro?" " No." "No." "This is my favorite song, guys." "[R. Kelly" " Bump N' Grind playing]" "I can't believe, like, you guys did this to me." "We did this for you." "Look, man." "I know you're not a drug guy, and I respect that about you, but right now, this is what you need." " What is it?" " It's Extacy." "It'll put the brakes on your little freak-out." "Just take it." "Alright." "This won't try and, like, fuck me up, will it?" "Of course it will, dude." "That's the whole point." "Here." "Hey, you get a half of one." "Just give me, like, ten minutes." "No fucking way, man." "This is your night." "Cut the music!" "How's everybody doing?" "This is your host, Costa." "I want to bring out my best friends Thomas and J.B." "Get your asses up here." "Come on." "Move your asses!" "Come on, J.B., move your fat ass." "The reason you guys are here tonight is that it's Thomas Kub's birthday, and we're going to sing "Happy Birthday" for him." "One, two, three." "[Crowd singing "Happy Birthday")]" "Thanks, everybody, for coming!" "Let's get the music rockin'!" "[Lil' Jon feat." "LMFAO "Outta Your Mind" playing]" "What's up in this bitch?" "Hey, nigga, what's up?" "You want some of this?" "You got something to say?" "What the--?" "Let me go!" "Don't shut that!" "Hey, have you seen Thomas?" "We're looking for him." "Oh." "Well, when you find him, can you tell him I've got something for him?" " Jump in!" " You're breaking the rules, you know." "Ew." "Why won't you get in with me?" "It's just, like, I already went swimming once, against my will." "So, Thomas, are you having fun?" " No." "Yes." " Not at all?" " You look pretty fucked up." " I'm..." "I'm..." "I'm..." "I'm a little fucked up." "But you look good." "Have you gotten lucky at all?" "I'm pretty lucky right now." " Slow down, dude." " Fine." "Give me that." "Are you having fun at this party?" "I'm having so much fun." "It's just that it's a small get-together." "It should be basically chill." "Now, look how fucking chill this is!" "It's no big deal." "There's two DJs." "That's not a big deal." "Right?" " When do your parents get home?" " I don't know." "J.B.!" "Get your fat ass up here!" "There's a midget in the oven!" "Let's go!" " What?" " What did he say?" "I heard midget and oven." " Hey!" " Get the fuck out of the way!" "I'm so sorry!" "No, no." "I'm so sorr" "Oh, my God!" "Yo, yo, yo!" "Hey!" "Um..." "I just heard a rumor that all of your balls got attacked by a midget." "Is it true?" "Please?" "Please just tell me it is." "I'm praying it fucking is." "Dude!" "I can't believe I missed it!" "Look at your fucking pupils." "I love you guys." "No, seriously." "Look, I realize that I can be, like, a huge dick sometimes." "I'm really sorry for that." "It's okay." "No, it's not." "J.B., I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday." "That wasn't cool." "Wasn't cool, man." "And I'm sorry for all the times" "I called you, "fat fuck,"" " "chubby bitch,"" " Yeah." " "Fudgy the whale,"" " Okay." "and I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah when I told everyone that you looked like Rosie O'Donnell," " 'cause you don't." " I don't." " Hey, guys?" " What?" "I hooked up with Kirby." "I'm, like, really into her." "Okay, seriously, Thomas, that's, you know, cool and all, but she's kind of always been around." "It's like hooking up with J.B.," " but her tits are smaller." " Hey..." "I'm just saying," "Kirby's, sort of, like, one of us." "You know, tonight's about the girls we never had a shot at." "Tonight's about ... changing the game." "[Yeah Yeah Yeahs Heads Will Roll (A-Trak remix) playing]" "It's crazy!" "I haven't seen Tyler in an hour." "We were slightly out of our league on this mission." " Cool room." " Thanks." "It's a bit messy right now." "Yeah, let me, uh..." "So, it's your birthday." "Yeah, it's my birthday." "Whoa." "[Small Black" " Despicable Dogs (Washed Out Remix) playing]" "Oh, my God!" "Kirby..." " Fuck off!" " Kirby..." "Thomas!" "What the fuck?" "Asshole!" " Would you like a hand with that?" " What?" "How long have you been in there?" " Fucking shit!" " What are you doing?" "Kirby?" "Yeah, man!" "[The Kills - "Cheap and Cheerful (sebastian Remix)" playing]" "Oh, uh, Alexis, are you having a good time?" "No." "I'm leaving." "[Answering machine] Hi." "You've reached the Kub residence." "Please leave a message." " Thomas, it's me again." "I just got another call." " Oh fuck, dude!" "I'm sure the neighbors are exaggerating." " Please call me." " Fuck." "Holy shit!" "That's fucking insane!" "Thomas, look at what we did." "Epic." "Is this big enough to be cool?" "Game-changing." "Oh, shit, it's the news." "Dude, that's Thomas!" "Are you hearing this?" "This is your fucking party, man!" "You're right, dude." "I needed this." "Fuck, yeah!" "Look at me now, bitches!" "My party's the shit!" " Watch this." " Watch what?" "Are you kidding me?" "Thomas, you crazy motherfucker!" "I love you!" "[All] Jump!" "Jump!" "Jump!" "Jump!" "Fuck that shit." "I'm not jumping." "Fuck that." "To my family members, and my friends on Facebook," " What?" " It's been a great ride." " Costa, hold onto these." " J.B., don't do it, man." " You're way too fat." " Shut up." "Oh, my God!" "Aaahhh!" "J.B.!" "You alright, man?" " J.B.!" "Are you alright?" " Ha ha!" "[Crowd cheering]" "This is Falcon-1." "I was just attacked ..." "by this really sexy woman." "We've lost all control of the situation." "The house was breached hours ago, I was just attacked ..." "by this really sexy woman." "We've lost all control of the situation." "The house was breached hours ago, chaos has spread to the streets, and the police are returning in force." "We're clearly outnumbered." "God help us." "[Crowd chanting "Cops go home!"]" "[Over loudspeaker] This is the police." "Disperse peacefully and immediately, or you will be subject to arrest." "[Police radio] We need immediate assistance." "Drive!" "Drive!" "Drive!" "[Police radio] Requesting backup, all units." "[Jay-Z  Kanye West" " H.A.M. playing]" "Holy shit!" "** on purpose." "[Reporter] Chaos has broken out in the Southland, where this normally quiet residential street has turned into anarchy." "I'm being joined right now by Captain Reeseman of the Police Department." "We're going to have to let this thing burn out, before we even think about moving back in." "Yeah!" " Shit!" "That's my dad's car!" " Oh, shit, dude." "Holy shit!" "Are you okay, man?" " What are you doing?" " What?" "Fuck your car." "Motherfuckers!" "Oh, my God." "Thomas," "Thomas, we're fucked." "I don't know how to fix this." "I don't know how to fix any of this shit." "I'm sorry, Thomas." "I just wanted to get some pussy." "Oh, my God!" "Something is just happening right now." "I've heard a commotion." "Holy shit!" "What the fuck is that?" "Keep back!" "Run!" "Get the fuck out of here!" "Jesus Christ, dude!" "Get down!" "[Police radio] Subject is armed and active." "Police are on-scene in riot gear." "SWAT officers are rushing forward." "Oh, shit, dude!" "It's T-Rick!" " What the fuck is he doing?" " COSTA!" "Give me back my fucking gnome!" "Just give it back to him!" "Where the fuck is it?" "It was full of Extacy!" "Everyone ate it!" "Fucking Costa!" "[Police radio] Subject is advancing." "Police in the area:" "Approach with extreme caution." "[Reporter] Police are now firing rubber bullets." "[Police radio] Suspect is firing at officers." " Fuck this." " Where the fuck are you going, dude?" "Get back!" "No, Thomas!" "No!" "Look, T-Rick, we can fix this." "Okay, man?" "Fuck you!" "You burned me," "I burned you!" "Costa, you motherfucker!" " Go!" "Go!" "Go!" " Shit!" "Get the fuck out of here!" "Go!" "[Police radio] Subject is still active and on the move." "Oh, shit!" "This is the police." "Disperse immediately." "Thomas, we've got to get the fuck out of here!" " No, man!" "I can't leave my house!" " The house is gone, man!" " It's fucking over!" " Where's Milo?" "Here!" "Here!" "J.B., what the fuck are you doing?" "The dog isn't going to be in that drawer!" "Here he is!" "I've got him!" " Motherfuckers!" " Come on!" "Let's go!" "Move!" "[Reporter] It's complete chaos out here." "Police are using flash-bang grenades to try and disperse this crowd." "[Loudspeaker] This is the police." "Disperse immediately." "If you do not disperse immediately, you will be subject to arrest." "Disperse immediately." "[Reporter] Police are now mobilizing, and fire helicopters have been brought in." "They're dropping water, trying to put this blaze out." "[Police radio] Officers need assistance." "Holy shit!" "Tyler!" "I need you!" "Pull it together!" "Holy shit!" "[Police radio] Civilians 50 yards ahead on Dickens." "Officers, engage with riot." "What the fuck is going on here?" "Milo!" "Dude!" "Milo!" "Where are you, buddy?" "You owe me a fucking tree, you piece of shit!" "All I know is, I had a good time, you cock-sucking motherfucker!" "You know where you're going?" "You're going to jail, you motherfucker!" "Yeah!" "That's my boys!" "Suck my dick, Robert!" "Suck my fucking dick!" "Oh, shit!" "[Police radio] We've got a hit-and-run." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Drive!" "[Police radio] Be advised." "Officer down." "Officer down." "We need about an hour to make sure he's asleep." "We'll definitely make our move." "We'll go in through the back, break Rob's door down," " and torch the house." " Yeah." "What the fuck are you talking about?" "The guy has a wife and a baby." "You're not going to burn his house down." "He called the cops on us." "He ruined everything." "It's six in the morning." "Let it go." "It's over." "Just go home." "What about our money?" "The house is trashed." "You're the worst security ever." "Yeah, you guys should go home, too." "You gonna be okay, man?" "Yeah." "I'm just going to hang here with Milo for a bit." "Alright." "I'm gonna go home, have a good cry, and start calling some lawyers." "Thomas, whatever happens, man, that was one fucking hell of a night." "Come on, J.B., let's bounce." "You can go, too, Dax." "Thanks, Thomas." "I had a really fun time." "You'll be alright." "[The xx - "Intro" playing]" "[KROQ-FM] Hey, it's Kevin  Bean, from the world-famous KROQ." "Can we please talk about this insanity in Pasadena last night?" "It looked like the greatest party I have ever seen." "[KWPR Power 106] Big Boy's neighborhood." "Beautiful day in the neighborhood." "It is going down." "I don't know if you guys been seeing the news, man, but some cats had a party in Pasadena, and took this thing to the whole next level." "I'm talking 'bout, they trashed the neighborhood, they trashed the house," "WeheardthatKanye made an appearance." "What?" "Yeah." "So, if you were there at the party in Pasadena last night, hit us up, 'cause we're gonna be talking about it all morning long in the neighborhood." " I really am sorry." " You said that already." "Do you have any idea how much all this is going to cost, Thomas?" "Your college fund is gone, I can tell you that." " Dad, I'm sorry." " You had so much going for you, and you just pissed it all away for one night?" "I just didn't think you had it in you." "I know." "I'm sorry I let you down." "No," "I literallly didn't think that you had this ... in you." "So, uh, how many people were here?" "Um ... 1500?" "A couple thousand, maybe?" "Wow." "You should've seen it." "It was awesome." "You're still fucked, Thomas." "[Dr. Dre feat." "Snoop Dogg "The Next Episode" playing]" "Well, at least the van looks gangsta now." "Dude, don't even start, okay?" "My dad is making me drive it as punishment." "That sucks." "Yeah, and I'm being brought up on, like, six different charges." "My mom hasn't stopped crying." "We're living at a Courtyard Marriott right now." "I'm basically on house arrest until my hearing, and I'm definitely not supposed to be talking to you guys." "My parents are convinced this is totally going to be fucking up my college plans." "Your grades are fucking up your college plans." "My dad got me a lawyer." "Even that Jew thinks we're fucked." " He thinks we could actually do time for this." " Jesus." "Well, what about you, Dax?" "What did your parents say?" "Um, I live alone, actually." "You're really starting to fucking scare me." "Yo!" "What up, Kub?" "Yo, what's going on, man?" " Hey, Thomas." " Hi, Thomas." "Yo, you guys, Thomas, that party was dope." "Thank you, man." "You guys rock!" "[Crowd chanting "Thomas"]" "Kirby, wait!" "Kirby." "Hey." "Hey, look, I just wanted to talk to you." " There's really nothing to talk about, Thomas." " No, please, can I explain?" "It's not that complicated." "What you did was really ... not cool." "It really hurt me." "Kirby, I'm really sorry about what happened." "I didn't know how to handle it, but I think I do now, and that's why I'm here." "My life right now is totally ruined." "Okay?" "I practically burned down my whole neighborhood." "I probably bankrupted my parents." "I'll be in debt 'til I die, but the only thing I care about fixing right now is this." "So, I'm sorry." "You're still mad." "I get it, but, if you are talking to me by my next birthday," "I'd really like to spend it with just you." "So, we're cool again?" "I never said you were cool." "[Jimmy Kimmel Live!" "]" "So, you know this high-school party in Pasadena that turned into a riot, right?" "The kid actuallly burned his parents' house down." "Can you imagine how many chores it's going to take to make up for..." "He'll be taking the trash out nine times a day for the rest of his life." "[Reporter] The person who caused the early-morning fire and explosion here has survived his injuries." "[T-Rick]Costa!" "You move to place like Pasadena to avoid stuff like this." "Some asshole puked all over my door." "Do these kids even have parents?" "It's ridiculous, right?" "Have you seen the footage?" "Let me tell you, I haven't seen that many teenage boobs since R. Kelly's birthday party." "[Jillian Reynolds" " Good Day L.A.] Joining us now, live, is one Pasadena teen who has recently drawn a lot of notice for throwing what people are calling, possibly, the most epic high-school party of all time." "Costa, before we begin, is there anything that you would like to say to the viewers?" "In fact, I would." "You said it was "perhaps"" "the most epic party of all time?" "It was the most epic party of all time." "Okay..." "I was thinking more along the lines of an apology." " Would you like to apologize?" " I've got a better idea." "How about I invite you to my next party?" " What?" " Yeah, you heard me, sugar-tits." "Just make sure you wear something tight."