"COME AND GO" "Pigeons don't eat liver." "Don't stick your nose in other peoples business or it may be pecked off." "Can I have a cigarette?" "Is this where someone put an ad?" "I put an ad." "Cleaning lady needed." "You don't look like a cleaning lady." "Depends what you mean by a cleaning lady." "According to popular belief it is..." "A human being." "A human being who, in exchange for wages, rather low, I may add, agrees to do housework." "Do you want references?" "It's usual." "However, the best reference is the impression you cause." "You needn't give me references." "Only a blind man could fail to see the purity of your heart." "The only obstacle I can see," "a small one I might add right away is that you..." "What's your name?" "Adriana." "Imagine!" "I had a Rhode Island Red called Adriana." "She was a devil, always cackling for no reason at all, but what a fine layer!" "Magnificent." "Poor thing!" "Even an arsehole has the right to rest." "That's true." "The ruling classes may hold onto their ancient rights." "but I can't see you washing sheets or cleaning windows." "I'm not one of the old guard if that's what you're implying." "I don't allow familiarities." "But if you think you can try it on, you'll get as good as you give." "I'm a bit confused, that's all." "The house isn't a palace as you can see." "Of course" "I'm retired and live alone without causing talk." "The feminine touch here and there would bring some joy into my dismal life." "I have little to look forward to and nothing to fear." "To tell the truth" "I expected someone older with hands roughened by years of housework." "The days are past when Lenin laid low empirical attitudes and chauvinistic idealism." "That was before he, in his turn, was brought low." "The flame of communism is immortal." "I'm a red through" "and through." "I'm a widower." "There is no death." "Let's sing." " When do we start work?" " For my part right away." "Sir, or is it comrade?" "Sir." "While the lands still have lords." "We must pay respect where it's due but if you like you can call me J. V." "Spell that out." " João Vuvu." " Vuvu?" "What sort of name is that?" "It's the name of an ancient family of African origin." "But you aren't black." "I only began to be insulted very late." "Talking of insults, we haven't discussed terms." "I pay badly so as to keep your revolutionary conscience alive." "I give my all to the Party and I shall know how to wear the shackles of slavery, suffer the rack." "If I bow down to worldly events, tough, tyrannical and pressing," "I will put at risk what I have achieved in the great book of life, and taking up the holy lyre capable of the highest inspiration," "quieten this confusion, and sing for a vision of peace." "Is that a quote from Comrade Saramago?" "It's from Camões." "Super flumina Babylonia." "Rivers that flow to Babylon." "I've heard that sung at communist rallies." "Can you darn socks with a mushroom?" "The poisonous kind?" "Rather the needle and thimble kind, the old-fashioned way." "There is no death." "Let's sing." "Wink, wink, eyes of the pied wagtail." "With our lack of skill it would be easier for a camel to pass through." "Right down to the bottom." "I'm trying." "Hold this." "For the kids of the neighbourhood" "I predict great fun and games." "Some days later." "Vuvu, Vuvu..." "I'm bleeding." "I need honey to soothe my cunt." "Come bees, give her honey for her sweet lips." "Good morning Mr. João." "Are you day-dreaming?" "I'm pleased to see you Miss Custodia!" "I hadn't noticed you." "I was in cloud, cuckoo land." "Such a lovely morning and you're blind to it." "Without eyes I can see evil and follow it with my eyes." "Eyeless faces see eyes which cost dear." "No mention is made of eyes because you wish they weren't there." "Blindfold yourselves, eyes unneeded" "I won't cover you, eyes you are not." "Good to see you." "Are you off to Big Stores?" "I have to go." "I've been on holiday in Paris." "Yes ma'am." "Paris is always Paris." "I went up the Eiffel Tower and saw the lights stretching away into the distance but nobody recognized me." "The ladder to fame is hard and steep!" "You must persevere." "They made fun of me when I said" "I'd won the crown of Miss Swimming Pool." "And without thorns." "You were the loveliest." "That's true." "I was generously applauded." "What is good in Clapham, is good in the Champs Elysees." "Lets agree on this:" "wrapped in a sequinned mantle shining ruby red you reign over them with great spirituality." "I, Custodia, will cover the cost of a promotional video clip." "Fausta!" "It's been years!" "Always on the alert." "Always the same." "Someone told me, that you'd gone to Ethiopia." "I didn't go in the end." "What about you?" "I'm off to the House." " Are you a member?" " I give lessons in sucking pricks." "But that was never your style." "It's better than working in Intendente." "No comparison." "It's so much cleaner." "Without forgetting the perks and good government." "I had good teachers." "The art consists in passing the foreskin test, remember?" "I think I've forgotten." "Now, I'm a widower." "I'm in mourning and don't fuck." "Don't make me laugh!" "I believe you had a high old time at the funeral." "What funeral?" "Don't make me laugh." "My Hortense wasn't dead, she was sleeping." "It was all a show put on by the family." "Burning with excitement, the fountain of life dripped into the coffin eager for fun and games and naughty wiggles." "What!" "Did you fiddle with her cunt?" "Is that a place one should fiddle with lightly?" "No, I never stick my finger in other peoples pies." "All I wish for now is a comfortable widowhood worthy of the best waltzes." "You must have made her life hell." "Blacker than it already is?" "You had a child, didn't you?" "Jorge, he's in clink, watching the world go by." "But he didn't commit a crime." "That's what you think!" "And a masterly one by all accounts." "Poor thing!" "Poor thing?" "His old dad has stood by him, and as he didn't get a hundred years one of these days when he's paid his debt to society he'll be out and be able to live like a king." "I just hope he won't let me down, he's a lovely chap level-headed" "takes after me." "He won't be ungrateful," "I'm sure he'll appreciate the sacrifices of his old man." "As I always say:" ""Son you are now, father you'll be"." "As you sow so shall you reap." "Oh dear son!" "Oh lovely lad!" "I want to enjoy" "I want to enjoy All the lovely lolly." "I'm feeling a bit dicky." "I'm too old for these jollifications." "A small man is always a crook or a dancer." "Ah my girl, it's sweltering." "Mysterious and vague after the rain." "Come on," "I'll invite you to a nice cup of tea freshly made." "It will tune up your voice and you'll trill like a warbler." "I've got a date." "I don't like being late." "Whatever time you arrive, you cause a sensation." "Make them beg." "Let them twirl, let them howl." "Let them melt their fat in the dust of their offices, let the liqueurs spill over the caryatids in palace corridors." "Whichever way they turn these people will never know where they're at." "However often they say of the republics what Mafoma never said about the bacon, that is not, figuratively or in any sense of the word, a distillery." "I can't believe my eyes." "The places you take me to!" "There's nothing extraordinary about it." "The building belongs to the brotherhood of St Vincent de Paul and thanks to the voluntary work of devout ladies raises money for charity." "The priests twisted everything:" "centuries of intolerance taught by Torquemada all that is left to them now is paedophilia, the Archbishop of Milwaukee and so on." "I don't know where I am." "You have this feeling of non-reality because you have in fact been in another world but don't worry, you returned alive from the land of the dead." "It smelled musty." "That's the smell of non-reality." ""Saluté y deputációnes"." "Cheers." "At least they served alcoholic drinks." "A small concession to these modern times." "The only one in fact." "It's just as well there are people who care about the poor." "They've done it for centuries." "For lack of something better they even cobbled together a religion to comfort them." "Life has always been hard for the poor." "That's why they hung a whopping fib on the horns of a carpenter whose wife, a Jewish tart, turned out to be in the club." "They wouldn't listen, refused to be disconcerted, the story was not to be refuted on the contrary, it was divine intervention work of a dove but it was all "comme il faut", in a state of grace." "But it gets better." "While the villagers split their sides laughing, they convinced the fool that the good tidings should be spread worldwide." "At last wonder of wonders the son of God was born!" "I missed the boat," "Joseph lamented, struck by the light." "Oh, Maria!" "We discovered the Immaculate Fornication and I forgot to write down the formula." "He glanced at the village idiots, packed up his bundle and made off with his wife on a donkey." "Maybe he thought it over and came to the conclusion that enough was enough." "The blessed fruit became a man and like any good pantomime actor... only preached what everyone already knew, that this life is a vale of tears." " He died on the cross." " That's true, and with a lot of fuss." "It took them three days to get out of that one and find a way to resurrect him so that the farce had a happy ending." "Happy for him and better still for us." "It only needed a few prayers and a couple of blessings to glorify the afterlife he knew so well... because he'd been there in the company of his father." "This is where we would be happy ever after:" "a bed of roses, a celebration and why not?" "An eternal feast "per secula seculorum"." "What's the solution?" "There isn't one." "Is suicide the solution?" "If so," "I'm not interested." "But it's the problem which is interesting, never the solution." "Man, or what is left of him, has to live with the insoluble problem of life." "Some time ago when I was full of the Ethiopian trip..." "I went into a chemist's to get a long list of things" "anti-inflammatory cream, camphorated alcohol, poultices, ammonia, alkali volatile, mustard powder, extract of saturn, painkillers, antipyrine, soothing balsam, sydenham laudanum, tartar emetic, ipécacuanha, laxatives, manna," "Epsom salts, oil of ricin, sodium sulphate, rhubarb, styptics, napthol beta, bismuth (sub-nitrate), anti-fever pills, quinine, sleeping pills, chloral am," "antiseptics, iodine, peroxide, sundries," "cotton wool, bandages, plasters, silver hydrate, alcohol, ether, linseed oil, bicarbonate of soda, vaseline, talc, glycerine." "You must have spent a fortune!" "I spared no effort." "The horn of Africa is no joke," "I prepared the expedition meticulously, nothing left to chance." "You thought of everything, you take good care of yourself." "It wasn't for myself." "It was to impress the natives." "I wanted to be greeted in a party atmosphere." ""Just skin and bone," ""when its burnt black its a pure Ethiopian"." "As a sign of gratitude for my welcome" "I opened my bag... distributed the medicine among the natives and set about healing sores." "I'm trying to imagine you imbued with missionary spirit" "but God forgive me, I can only see you grabbing the nearest pair of tits." "They are supposed to be very pretty and to your liking." "Really?" " I didn't hear them crying." " They prefer singing." "Those who cry with others, cry for ever." "Make a fist and grasp the peniary gland tightly so that the blood gathers round the top." "When it becomes red and swollen hold the foreskin between your thumb and forefinger and blow," "keeping it well stretched and hermetically sealed, glued to the lips," "at the same time spitting into it quickly, till it's as full as a wineskin." "Keep it well closed and then let the whole thing go limp in sweet evanescence." "What about the member of parliament?" "He will present a protest." "It's a question of time." "Then he'll lose his manly urges he won't be able to control his eagerness, and end up by saying" ""Well my dear, aren't you going to suck it?" " And should I?" " Never." "Don't think of it." "You explain sweetly that nobody does that in China it's only done by leeches, not in refined civilizations." "At that moment, the M.P. will waver, his voice tremble he wants to call for his mummy but can't." "He has the worm at its mercy on show in a public place." "Democracy is safe, or at least what's left of it in its most grotesque theatrical expression." "After a lively debate, and a tough battle in the commons, the law is passed." "The Chinese blow-job, also known as the "blowee"" "due to its Asiatic origin and especially recommended for ladies and girls who are not inspired to do charity work." "Thus confirming the incentives which should be facilitated in the E.U." "together with a rigorous policy of development in the leisure and recreational industries, where this practice should be taught by qualified professionals and stringent tests set in such an intricate and difficult new technology." "The old whores can smile at last." " When will we see each other again?" " When we are old enough." "At the moment we hesitate like everyone else." "Between ourselves, and it is rather amusing, the "blowee" is the super blow-job" "but the riff-raff will never realize that for the rabble not even a sniff." "I can't get these creases out." "The iron is cold." "So now what?" " Wait for it to warm up." " With this heat?" "Only if I take my clothes off." "That may not be necessary." "Your overall is cool, and as you have to dampen the material before you iron, you can refresh the most affected parts." "My armpits are the worst." "They are covered with beads of sweat." " What are you doing?" " I'm taking my clothes off." " You will have your own way." " What's wrong with it?" "Nothing." "That's what makes it a shameful act." "The Ethiopian painters showed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, wearing sumptuous robes." "After they had partaken of the forbidden fruit" "God took away all he'd given them and banished them from Paradise." "Left naked, they were reduced to ignominious misery." "He put a bitter taste in their mouths, and not even a drop to drink?" "No." "God was never a goodie-goodie." "It would have been better to have finished them off, once for all, eradicate the poison at it's root." "God is a bit naive and didn't foresee that Adam and Eve's action would make them equal and one with Him!" "To kill them would be to sign his own death warrant." "The harm was done and couldn't be undone." "The only way out was to condemn them to life." "Some lemonade?" "Come and see what I've done." "You gave me a fright." "I thought something dreadful had happened." "Antigone with the wind." "I'm fired!" "No, stop working and let's have some lemonade." "Narcisa, Narcisa, countess of shrimp." "Always barefoot, not even clogs." "She was a joy to see weaving her way through the fish market, one hand steadying the shallow basket on her head, the other on her hips." ""Pricks for sale"" "she cried in her hoarse voice from deep in her throat." "Good heavens, and were there children about?" "I was one." "And didn't anyone do anything about it?" "Because of the "pricks"?" "Where I come from that's what they call the shrimps of the Mondego River." "The humble crustacean disappeared and for some reason or other the word fell into disuse." "So what did they call the them then?" ""Pricks", but nobody choked on them." "Maybe because nobody ate them any more." "Maybe." "Narcisa, Narcisa, countess of shrimp" "perhaps the mother prick got fed up and went to lay her eggs in calmer waters." "They opened the privy early." "What a stench!" "I can't smell anything." "That's impossible with a nose like yours." "Can't you hear the clamour of popular indignation?" "If the blacks in accordance with the sentiment here expressed deserve to die, be sent back to their huts," "penal law considers the existence of an adjacent principle already expressed automatically confirms without impediments the legality of punitive law." "It substitutes once and for all the old maxim "nulla poena sine lege"" "which is obsolete, for the maxim "no crime should go unpunished"" "we are substituting once and for all the concept of formal delict for factual delict." "He's black and that's it." "Only thus can we help justice to prevail." "I don't understand the reason for your nostalgic lament." "It's true that your tub-thumping tirade is all laid down in the penal code of the Third Reich, but even today the so-called social communication permits its usage freely." "Those who play football with the heads of terrorists or such." "Remember Nathaniel who played for Benfica?" "We formed a formidable wing." "We faced the team from Congo and were unbeatable." "Nathaniel, no buts, headed the head of the black and scored a goal!" "Those who force coconuts into black vaginas so that their seed won't germinate" "knew that their motherland was being burnt in the hands of unscrupulous wheeler-dealers." "Even you, Mr. Vuvu, for whom I have great respect, sold your ideals for a miserable pension and a plate of beans." "I have no pension and as for beans, not even in tomato sauce." "One thing is certain." "Acts of barbarity always precede the fall of empires." "Sit down." "Too late." "COME AND GO" "Pigeons don't eat liver." "Don't stick your nose in other peoples business or it may be pecked off." "Can I have a cigarette?" "Is this where someone put an ad?" "I put an ad." "Cleaning lady needed." "You don't look like a cleaning lady." "Depends what you mean by a cleaning lady." "According to popular belief it is..." "A human being." "A human being who, in exchange for wages, rather low, I may add, agrees to do housework." "Do you want references?" "It's usual." "However, the best reference is the impression you cause." "You needn't give me references." "Only a blind man could fail to see the purity of your heart." "The only obstacle I can see, a small one I might add right away is that you..." "What's your name?" "Adriana." "Imagine!" "I had a Rhode Island Red called Adriana." "She was a devil, always cackling for no reason at all, but what a fine layer!" "Magnificent." "Poor thing!" "Even an arsehole has the right to rest." "That's true." "The ruling classes may hold onto their ancient rights." "but I can't see you washing sheets" "Bless you." "I suffer from allergies." "The mites are implacable and the pituitary gives way at once." "I must get you one of those Arabic veils to muffle your sneezes." "Why so many books?" "Have you read them all?" "No way." " Books are not for reading." " So?" "They keep me company and don't give as much work as a dog." "If you don't count the dust." "Dust is everywhere, it has nowhere to go." "Books keep the secrets they don't trust us with." "Go down to the working classes and eat your corn flour." "Sprinkle some sugar on it." "Food of the poor." "Cornflour diluted with water, a pinch of salt, a drop of oil." "Ten minutes on a slow heat, stirring with a wooden spoon till it starts to boil." "Nothing easier, even if it's not very nutritious." "It's good." "Yes, if it tells the story of poverty." " A drop of milk?" " Thanks." "I'm full up." "Don't you think I'm very old?" "I don't even know your age." "Twenty-three." "It's some age, but don't worry I'm not interested in age." "You are 20 and you are 3." "Are you satisfied with my work?" "Satisfied?" "In what way?" "Pleased with me?" "You are polite and cheerful that helps a lot." "But I feel this is not my vocation." "I wasn't born to be a cleaning lady." "Nobody is." "Before slavery was abolished it was enough for slaves to be well-treated for them to be happy." "Then, their freedom made them painfully aware of their condition and they became more and more unhappy." "Today if you want to make them happy give them a slave of their own." "My dream is to be a film star." "Difficult." "You'll have to win the good graces of the Jew boys." "That's for "Kung-fu";" "I want to play the part of an ingénue." "I was referring to the money-lenders of the holocaust, the incense-wavers of horror." " Who are they?" "Those who've made a lot of money." "I only know one called God." "Don't know him." "Can't recall the name." "He's a great con man." "With a name like that what did you expect?" "But at first it was all "salaams", sweet talk to take us in all he wanted was to suck up to us." "He's not alone in that." "Strange as it may seem, these people spend their lives boot-licking, and cry for more." " More on the line of cunt-licking." " Did you let them?" "What could I do about it?" "Complain." "But I loved it." "It was lovely." "Opinions are divided." "Some say it is good for you and some say it isn't." "It makes no difference to me." "It's up to the individual." " Haven't you ever done it?" " Me?" "I'm a respectable man." "I'd never stoop so low." "But you said you were married." "I was married to a virgin." "In 23 years, in every 23 days of marriage" "I never had animal-like relations with my wife." "I lie." "I remember once, just once, my Hortensia took to her bed with flu and I begged her to allow me, blind folded, to put a suppository up her rectum." ""Not there", she exclaimed with a moan." "In the throes of my great affliction" "I had made a mistake, but my error was soon corrected and all ended well." "At the end of two days her fever went down." "Except for this slip, provoked by her illness, we maintained our virginity" "and were sublimely happy until one day." "My Frankie has a permanent hard-on." "How do you manage?" "I give him a good thrashing." "That's what women are for." "He doesn't get anything from me unless he behaves himself." "Get off me, Chico, I say." "He becomes like a lamb right away." "Look here Jacinta, we'd go to the green meadows and listen to the song of the birds breathe in the scent of the flowers." "Oh, the flowers." "Gather shells on the shore or play in the wavelets." "We'd welcome you royally into our modest home, we'd shell peas and, in love, exchange embraces." "Did good indiscriminately." "You're kidding me." "I don't kid people." "And if I did I would be a despot." "But you can't force people to give up their pleasures." "What pleases some may not please others." "I'm a real man and tolerant, but nothing can shake my convictions." "If you've never tried it you can't know" "I was born like baby Jesus and like him I wish to die." "My instincts prevent me from satisfying brutal passing appetites." "Right." "That's the end of the conversation." "I can see you're a cold fish." "Right." "We'll say no more." "God licked even when we had our period." "The beast!" "Besides being a pig he took advantage of women when they are at their weakest." "He thought that was when the clitoris was at it's tastiest, ready for the dances, that which he described as the great Dionysian celebration." ""Christ follows Dionysus," ""Phallic and ambrosial made way for macerations."" "I'm pleased to see you are well-versed." "These ancient cults are a thing of the past, it's true." "However, the poet who wrote this verse must be around somewhere." "Submerged in dust, submerged in tears." "After the cunt-licking we were made to read poems." "Hour after hour, spouting poetry "with banners unfurled."" "What a bore!" "But worst of all was when he started pacing backwards and forwards, pompous and opinionated." ""All they do is roll their eyes And flutter their eyelashes," ""Thinking they beautiful." ""That's one reason why the cinema is in the state it is."" "We start with a sulk and getting nervous we lost it completely." "That resulted in fury." "He lost his temper, his eyes became bloodshot." "He lost his head and told us off loud and clear." ""You'll never have the class of Garbo nor even the cunt of Greta"." "An uninspiring little tyrant, in short." "Did you at least get paid?" "Not a "sou"." "I was to play the part of Camões mother." "What!" "You play that part!" "He said the part was made for me, because of my name." ""In Freixo de Espada à Cinta, Luís de Camões was born." ""His mother Jacinta sold melons there"." "But Camões wasn't born in Freixo de Espada à Cinta." "That was Junqueiro." "I don't give a shit about historical accuracy, he raved." "What counts in this film is not where he was born, but where he did business." "And has this rubbish been shown?" "Did it get to the screen?" "It was never made." "Later they discovered that the cunt-licker had escaped from a loony bin." "And had this mania for either making films or pretending to be a dog." "Sometimes, I've been told, he even pretended to be barmy." "The two are not incompatible, but it seems he was neither, which makes it incompatible with both." "What you got out of!" "It's an incredible story, the sort one tells one's grandchildren." "Look, Jacinta," "I don't know a thing about cinema but, with due modesty, perhaps we could dance a "zarzuela"." "I'd love to try." "So you shall and without further delay, we shall begin a concerted "habanera"." "I'm in heaven." "Let yourself float." "At this point mad with jealousy;" "the young typist tried to prevent Susana from going to bed with the old lecher, Dom Hilarión." "He stands in front of them grabs her round the waist" "but is repelled." "You'll have to repel me more roughly so that I fall back on the ottoman." "Don't forget Susana is a bad lot, her pride is hurt and she's capable of anything." "Don't be afraid of hurting me." "My nose is as hard as a ship's prow and I'm used to" ""sailing uncharted waters"." "Now foam at the mouth and overcome me." "Jump on top of me with your backside straddling my face and manacle my wrists." "I don't offer resistance." "I say:" ""Susana of my heart," ""pity me and forgive me all the wrongs I've done you"." "What do I do?" "You don't forgive me." "You are thirsty for revenge." "You want the bastard to eat dirt, you have a murderous gleam in your eye." "You laugh a diabolical laugh and fart right in his face." "Is that part of the Zarzuela?" "No, but this is now burlesque." "I don't know if I can do it, I'm shy." "Don't be." "You're doing well." "Full of tragic feeling." "Divine!" " The cornflour should get the credit." " Don't be modest Jacinta, you have talent, you're a natural." " I just want a little more music." " What?" "A noisier fart will do." "One of those long reverberating ones result of a large plate of beans." "Just to get a bit of festive spirit." "Sublime!" "And perfumed, quite fragrant too." "As this is theatre," "I'm going to pretend it was a stinker, hold my nose and say, what a pong!" " Then what?" "The bombardment continues." "Your revenge is implacable, the air is thick." "Oh, wicked woman, with what fetid stink, have you slain me in the flower of my youth!" "So goes the world," "I say "Rosebud," ""and breathe, my last"." "I don't understand." "What do you say?" "Rosebud." "Little rosebud, Jacinta." "Rosebud." "Highborn Jorgey." "He was fat as a badger, and had a fine constitution." "He drank pints of milk from the local cows." "He was polite and correct in the traditional style." "From that lovely mouth came only sweet words." "Before he could walk, one could see he was gifted." "He knew his catechism from cover to cover." "He didn't need to work hard to get into University." "Everyone agreed, unanimously, that Jorge was without doubt, a genius." "He was such a sensible boy." "He had only one weakness." "He spat out little snails and crushed them on the ground." "His parent were delighted with their promising offspring." "Jorge didn't read at all but was soon qualified." "As soon as the eldest daughter of a Jew saw him, she fell for him." "She was a lovely girl and kept her hymen very carefully guarded." "All the girls fell under the spell of this God-given gem." "Marriage was discussed and a date fixed for the day of "Kippour", the day of forgiveness." "But the bride's father, a money-leader got suspicious." "When on his sixtieth anniversary he got an idea and he spied on the youngsters before the holy alliance." "The conduct of the newly-weds seemed irreproachable until the curate split the beans." "God only knows how on earth the mishap occurred." "It's the work of the devil, that turns a wise man into an idiot." "Jorge was caught red-handed in the Mass fornicating with a judge." "Right under the nose of a irate God, furious at this carnal corruption, the faithful threw themselves, in a mad frenzy, towards the magistrate's buttocks." "Which the sacristan was sprinkling with an aspergillum." "At last the whole shameful truth came to light." "All was revealed." "The poison of perversion had been injected into Jorge, by a rich fascist who was noble when waltzing low when his prick was in his hand." "The arrogant misshapen monster politician of "anything goes"" "the censor of depravation realized that jollification, anything goes was a lucrative business with unlimited opportunities." "He didn't strain his brain calls and got right to the point." "I have the world in my grasp, a goldmine in my hand." "Take a bit here, add a bit there, with elegance and sophistication." "The ogre thought things over and rolled on the floor with glee." "He who has everything in his hand can call the tune." "To have a good time it's enough to open a low dive or a TV channel:" "nor do we need a dictatorship to cause a good impression." "There is no better sinecure than pushing the button on a TV set, to see, live, a manicurist eating a peacock." "Faced with Salazar the chap shat in his pants, fled down a sewer, and snivelled." "Now he has everything, he's on top as they say and can be seen, scratching his crotch among the local highlife." "The moron is proud of himself." "Oh, moron go on, dream!" "The unpleasant itch is a passing fancy, a light passing cloud, the work of parasites, without rhyme or reason." "Crabs, nits, lice?" "There is an instant cure for the plague." "I've found the solution in a trice to eliminate these pesky lice." "Nor do they stand a chance in this era of globalisation." "True, but the "Crabbies", because they are crabbies, are always with us, have plenty of reason." "It seems we won't get rid of them with demagogues." "The "crabbies" are fed up with hollow democracy." "Just because they are crabby they want to stop being crabby but they can only stop bothering us when the robber-state disappears." "If on prime time my lyre wanders what do I care if pity doesn't pity those to whom it is offered." "I didn't turn my back on perversion." "I carried my cross." "Fate doesn't want the beam of redeeming light to guide the psychopath along the paths of love." "Oh, sad "desdechado"!" "You need the winged protection of a police angel who with lance carried high delivers us from evil." "Jorge wouldn't listen." "Instead of calling a halt he went along with it." "The bride, the beautiful Jewess, was the innocent victim of the story." "She fell ill with jaundice and saw everything in tones of yellow." "She was tended with care and without alerting the police a tragedy was avoided and the nightmare ended." "The cretin followed the path of vice undermined by social canker from there on, on the path of crime, just one step was enough." "The bank was robbed and terror spread." "I'm almost at the end of this infernal ballad." "Oh, Barbara, I'm sorry for this rigmarole of complaints, this long-suffered confession" "I've subjected you to." "And having done their duty as their uniform demands, at the hands of a vile layabout some might say, good policemen were blown away riddled with bullets." "What can I say?" "I'm like Mary Magdalene." "Tears wash the soul, purify the conscience." "I really liked it." "It has feeling." "Good." "Nothing equals the pain of a father except mother love." "There's just something I don't understand but I don't know whether." "Spit it out." "It was when you called the state a thief." " Did I say that?" " Yes." "If you say so, then I did." "I belong to the forces of order and we are not paid like the private sector, to work for the security of the powerful but to treat all equally." " Of course." "Talking of sallies, we hear a piece of nonsense, and it goes round in our brain and suddenly, there it is, worming its way in, spoiling everything." "Now he's going to sulk." "I'm disgusted." "Poetry is not an act of savagery." "It's no use crying over spilt milk." "Portuguese is a tricky language, we have to be patient." "And without seeming to care, wait for the muse to come and eat from our hand." "What a lot of trouble I've stirred up!" "Not at all." "It would be a free for all if everyone said the first thing that came in to their head." "It would be anarchy, every man for himself." "Without meaning to, I interrupted his train of thought, his inspiration." "God gives," "God takes away, but he spread some magic dust, waved his magic wand and he broke the spell." "A bit more magic dust and it's done." "Tell the robber-state to go to hell and sing the praises of the police-state." "It doesn't rhyme, but so what." "Won't the remedy be worse than the illness?" " Child of my heart!" " Father!" " The prodigal son returns." " The terror of the police force!" "The human beast!" "Don't fret, my children." "Let me mediate the discord that keeps you apart, with the wisdom of Solomon." "Miss Barbara was kind enough to visit me which warmed the cockles of my heart." "Jorge paid his dues to society." "He learned that crime doesn't pay." "I'm sure he won't repeat the sins of his past." "Cast out the rancour in your hearts if you wish to see your old dad dance with joy." "She tortured me with refinement." "To be tortured by Miss Barbara is the dream of every greenhorn." "In the lower regions?" "That is one of life's ironies." "Poofters don't enjoy it." "What has this got to do with me?" "Everyone says it's current practice in prisons like it or not." " People say a lot of things." "I'm gob-smacked!" "You beat up two of her colleagues." "It was in self-defence." "They shot to kill and hit a child who was playing football in the street." "Playing in the street is dangerous." "They could have been run over." " It was an accident." " Don't play with guns." "If they couldn't shoot straight they shouldn't have moved!" "You bloody murderer!" "Your mother used to call me that when she got mad." "Psychopath!" "Jorge is a fine shot." "It must be his Calvinistic infallibility that inspires him." "It's just a shame he chose the wrong target." "I received an ovation!" "That's only natural." "Two policemen lying dead on the pavement doesn't happen every day." "I'm leaving before I lay hands on him." "Like father, like son, and I was stupid enough to be taken in." "I'm still not fully in control of myself." "You are puzzled, Barbara." "We are good honest folk:" "brave and frank." "Everyone has their troubles." "I'm sure we'll meet again, Mr Vuvu." "I hope so." "You must know children always cause grief to their parents." " Did you see a woman-policeman pass?" " Yes." " Which way did she go?" " Up." "Up?" "What was that story about queers?" "Has no-one ever told you a tall story?" "You can't catch flies with vinegar." "I'm rather more inclined to sprees than great deeds." "You can keep both." "I don't like either." "For someone who hasn't had it off for so long it might do you good to have a fuck." "I'm not interested." "Nobody is forcing you." "If you don't want it, you don't want it." "It was all I could get at the time." "The good ones were all busy and these didn't come cheap." "You always did throw your money about." "The policewoman was free." "She is enough for two truncheon thrown in." "I recall a French song I used to sing when I was small." "The belly-button of a cop's wife is certainly not a pretty sight..." "From an aesthetic point of view, you can't put her on pedestal" "But this one isn't the wife of a policeman." "She is a real Valkyrie and well worth having." "She's abusing her authority, practising cruelties, of course I can't approve." "I've always condemned acts of brutality." "You should have known the famous Guilhermina who with the palm of her hand gave me a ju-jitsu blow to the liver" "that made me go green." " What had you done?" " Nothing." "I was as drunk as a skunk and only said I'd never seen such an ugly woman." "She really was a hag." "Barbara is different." "Have you ever thought what a nightmare it is for a girl just come from the cabbage patch" "to fall among a crowd of cops?" "So as not to be segregated and fight for female equality, women's rights" "there's only one way out:" "go along with them, be a super-cop." "It is said, once a policeman, always a policeman." "That is a quote from a gangster film with Jack Palance." "'A cop is always a cop'." "So what?" "You know a lot." "The slammer is a good school." "But now we are on the subject, you're not leaving here without knowing something else:" "Never..." "Tell me." "When you go with a punter does he wear a breastplate?" "No." "In fact I'm very gentle." "We'll have to get you a new pair of legs." "I've heard you can get some made in Germany that are so good you can dance a tango." "They may not be as good as those of Marlene but you can lead a normal life." "The problem is money." "Have a word with Jorge." "He understands high finance." "We don't need the cripple to make us rich." "There are plenty of generous gents." "Just curiosity:" "How can you be sure you are giving full satisfaction?" "You can work up to high speeds." "Don't you get dizzy?" "Sometimes, but it soon passes off if I roll over." "That's how you turn deficiency into efficiency." "There's nothing like the laws of physics to give body to carnal acts." "We have got rid of tarantulas but my head is still full of the Portuguese." "Anyway, no-one is born Portuguese." "One becomes Portuguese." "It's atavism." "Pure atavism!" "For someone just out of hell, it's paradise." "Prisons are dreadful." "With the proliferation of petty crime the teachings of the masters are dead." "Today you can go to prison for nothing at all, it's tragic." "The cells, where in the olden days the sages ruled are now full of a mob of rats and petty thieves." "Crime no longer pays." "I learned one thing" "I want to be honest, I want to go straight." "Nor would I allow you to stray." "The wounds remain." "There are always dogs who bark, but life must go on." "Making a world tour we make a tour of life the scars become invisible with time." "If Dostoevsky had been director of a Swiss bank, it may have been a great loss for humanity, but he would have had a good laugh." "Anyway, you have your future before you just as I have my past full of smiles." "Don't worry." "While I'm alive you will want for nothing." "There are comfortable homes where you can live out the rest of your days playing dominos and backgammon." "Can you imagine me living off your handouts in an asylum?" "Putting up with decrepit old men pinching nurses bottoms?" "Should I snigger or laugh out loud?" "There are people who die in the gutter like dogs." "I know." "That's not in my plans." "I'm sure you mean well, but just where do you get these Christian ideas?" "I'm serious." "You refuse to listen." "Really?" "So much the better." "I'm trembling like a leaf at your threats." "Meanwhile perhaps you could hang yourself with the dosh you stole." "However, I'll give you some fatherly advice:" "Run from society like the devil from the cross." "The only society you should cultivate is your own." "All you think of is money." "You should be ashamed of yourself." "You're quite wrong." "I've never wished to live like a nabob." "I know you can live on a small stipend but don't give me those fibs about urban guerilla warfare and such other rubbish." "I've given that up." "It wasn't getting me anywhere." "Now I'm involved with financing ethnic minorities here and there so as to mine things from the inside." "Against all fires, my fire." "Bullshit!" "You are the most conservative and reactionary person I know." "When your contradictions are exposed they'll raise a laugh, but I must admit you fooled them all and so well you even fooled yourself." "'Voici le temps des assassins'." " I'm amazed." " It's not a recrimination." "In your own way you are an artist." "You take human beings and transform them into 'objets d'art'." "You despise everything around you that you don't create yourself." "Money is essential to satisfy your monstrous vanity." ""Vanity, vanity all the way."" " Have you quite finished?" " No." "To be frank I must confess I'm broke." "I donated my stolen loot to a cultural foundation." "That's the honest truth." "Honest truth?" "Margaritas ante porcus." "Can I believe my ears?" "Have I generated a cretin?" "You idiot!" "Can't you see they've brain-washed you?" "That crowd have coddled your brain cells." "I think we'd better get some sleep." "Your problem is tiredness." "I'd like to visit the Oceanarium, but it's closed at this hour." "So many fishes, Jorge!" "Come and see the Oceanarium." "Father!" "Go and call someone else "father"." "The ad was clear." " Cleaning lady required." " I can read." "My name is Urraka." "Really!" "I thought you were Assurbanipal." "That's what you thought!" "Where do we begin?" "Does hair cover your body like an orang-utan?" "Only on the face and the lower belly." "The rest is smooth as a baby's bottom." "These are regional differences, probably due to a hormone imbalance." "I was forgetting" "I have underarm hair too." "If the lice population covered the whole body it could block the sweat glands and cause difficulty in adapting to the environment that not being the case, new depilatory methods eliminate uncontrolled outbreaks of pubescent radicles without eliminating recourse to the old pair of scissors" "and open razors." "I didn't know." "Information about prophylactic precaution is non-existent, as usual." "Now, lets take a trip into the blackest depths of the forest." "Take off your trousers." "Look, Mr. João," "I'm a Sapphic." "I only like women." "Me too," "I'm a seraphic." "It must be due to my religious tendencies." "My buttocks are white as snow." "The legs are smooth and well-turned." "Can it be fixed?" "Let me think." "Covering the backside is OK for "soirées"" "with a border of pearls and high-heeled shoes." "But it is expensive and not very practical." "I would suggest something lighter, more graceful like." "An overall or a mini-skirt." "What about the pigtail?" "I don't know what to tell you." "That's the crux of it." "When I was a baby my daddy laid me in my cradle and caressed it softly, softly till I slept." "Street urchins pulled it like a cat's tail or teased me:" ""Urraka has a tail" ""hanging from her bum." ""In the bum, she gets it." ""The shit of Beelzebub!"" "I threw myself on them and scratched them with rage." ""Don't cut the hair my father combed"." "If you weren't a dyke," "I'd make you a lovely plait." "I'd turn it up and thread it into your cunt." "Seeing you are" "I believe that would be an impediment to frictional practices." "A bandeau?" "I wouldn't say no but if I were you I would not touch a single hair." "Memories of childhood are sacred." "What should I do with all this hair?" "Throw it away?" "No way." "It would do to stuff a pillow and you could die hugging it." "Imagine!" "I had a cleaning lady called Adriana and she was nothing more or less than you." "You won't make a living here." "Do you know "the King of the Alamos"?" "No." "I don't know that one." "When he was your age nor did Schubert." " How old are you?" " I will soon be eleven." "Maybe you will, maybe you won't." "For my part you will." "I don't know what this is." "Hold on." "There's a lot of blood." "Aspirator." " Pulse and blood pressure OK?" " Yes fine." "The patient is stable." " I don't know what this is." " The blood is flowing." "The longest forceps won't reach it." "It's huge." "We'll have to open up the sphincter." "Be careful of the blade." "Scissors." "Keep well back." "Can you see anything?" "Nothing can be seen." "Forceps." "The patient's blood pressure is rising." "More blood." "Hold this end." "I can't see a thing." "It's very large." "Pull." "Aspirator." "Something is here." "It's big." "Pull hard." "It's stuck." "Push here." "That's right." "Forceps." "Hurry up, it's coming out at last." "The guards and officers threw the bodies, out into the street, entered the temple of Baal, seized the statue and broke it." "They overturned the stele of Baal and destroyed the temple, reducing it to the rubble which can be seen today." "An Afghan is being interviewed by a CNN journalist." "Journalist:" ""What will you do when the Americans invade?"" "Afghan: "We'll give thanks to Allah" ""for sending us the sons of uncle Sam" ""so good to eat!"" "Journalist:" ""They may be a bit indigestible."" "Afghan: "Maybe," ""but Allah didn't realize the meat was pork."" "Said one Afghan to his wife:" ""What will happen to you if I'm killed in the war?"" "Wife: "Don't worry," ""I'll go to work in MacMamouds."" "Lie back, I'm going to give you your medicine, OK?" "It will calm you down." "Right." "Now you can sleep." "Put your leg in." "Can I put the light out?" "Mr. Vuvu, we're going to have to wait for the pill to take effect before we can assess your condition." "At present the prognostic is reserved." "The anus, tolerates tropical fruit well." "bananas, custard apples, kiwis and vegetables such as turnips, carrots, eggplants, cucumbers, endives and radishes but never, under any circumstances a penis of the size that was introduced." ""Pas de plaisir sans penis"." "Good evening." "Is it good?" "Good?" "You have to eat to get better." "He eats it all up." "Leaves nothing." "Do you want a drop of water?" "Drink it slowly, don't choke." "Oh, Emilia, can you find me a scrap of chicken in this soup?" " There isn't any, is there?" " There doesn't seem to be any." "I can't find any." "A drop more?" "Do you want to stop for a bit?" "You know the doctor hasn't given you permission to go home." "You're not in a fit state." "I paid my bill, which I consider exorbitant for a health service and assume full responsibility." "I don't owe anything to anyone." "But do you realize what you're doing?" "You're killing yourself." "I've never been more lucid in my life." "It's a lovely day and I'm not wasting it lying in bed." "I'd rather die in the open air." "I can't bear the smell of enemas any more." "Have you got anyone to look after you?" "Family, friends?" "I have no family and, once and for all" "I'm nobody's friend." "What a sad life!" "It's an asshole of a life." "Look, Emília," "I've enjoyed meeting you, but I'd enjoy it even more if you allowed me" "to bless you with a fuck before I go." "Do you feel up to it?" "I wouldn't be the first patient to die of the cure." " Good morning, Mr. João." " Good morning." "Where are you, I can't see you." "I'm sitting in a tree over your head." "Doing what?" "It's forbidden to climb trees." "I've been picking berries but they are all dried up." "They're out of season." "Who are you?" "I'm Daphne." "I don't know you." "I know you." "I see you every day coming and going." "I hadn't noticed." "I live on the corner and I'm still flirting." "Strange way to flirt." "You must be fresh." "I'm married." "An ordinary marriage and I have a daughter, Veronica." "Why didn't you bring her?" "I'm a devil for fun and games." "She's too small and I didn't want you to get emotional." "I came alone, for no special reason." "One hand full of nothing, the other empty." "I'd like to join you, but with my arse in this state I can't move, let alone climb a tree." "Why don't you come down and sit by my side?" "I can only give you my shadow." ""When you meet your sweetheart, João, don't forget your whip"." "Translation Pamela Ineichen" "Subtitling Pedro Póvoa / CRISTBET, Lda."