"( bells jangling )" "♪ SLEIGH BELLS RING, ARE YOU LISTENING?" "♪" "♪ IN THE LANE, SNOW IS GLISTENING ♪" "♪ A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT, WE'RE HAPPY TONIGHT ♪" "♪ WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪" "♪ GONE AWAY IS THE BLUEBIRD ♪" "♪ HERE TO STAY IS THE NEW BIRD ♪" "♪ HE SINGS A LOVE SONG AS WE GO ALONG ♪" "♪ WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪" "♪ IN THE MEADOW, WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN ♪" "♪ THEN PRETEND THAT HE'S A CIRCUS CLOWN ♪" "♪ WE'LL HAVE LOTS OF FUN WITH MR. SNOWMAN ♪" "♪ UNTIL THE OTHER KIDDIES KNOCK HIM DOWN ♪" "♪ SLEIGH BELLS RING, ARE YOU LISTENING?" "♪" "♪ IN THE LANE, SNOW IS GLISTENING ♪" "♪ A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT, WE'RE HAPPY TONIGHT ♪" "♪ WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪" "♪ SLEIGH BELLS RING, ARE YOU LISTENING?" "♪" "♪ IN THE LANE, SNOW IS GLISTENING ♪" "♪ A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT, WE'RE HAPPY TONIGHT ♪" "♪ WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪" "♪ A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT, WE'RE HAPPY TONIGHT ♪" "♪ WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND. ♪" "HEY, NICK." "I HAVE SOMETHING REALLY WONDERFUL I WANTED TO TELL YOU." "YOU'RE TOO FAR AWAY." "SORRY, I'M JUST GONNA MOVE A LITTLE CLOSER." "SO MUCH BETTER." "I WANTED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING." "UM, IT'S IMPORTANT." "I, UH..." "NICK, DINNER'S READY!" "NICK?" "HOW CAN YOU TINKER UP HERE" "WHEN THE AWESOMENESS OF MY COOKING" "IS WAFTING ITS WAY THROUGH THE HOUSE?" "NICK?" "WHERE ARE YOU?" "NICK?" "YOU PROMISED, NO REINDEER TRAINING BEFORE DINNER!" "NICK?" "WHOO-HOOO!" "HA!" "THATSABOY!" "COME ON, THATAWAY!" "PULL UP RIGHT ABOUT HERE." "STEP TO THE BEAT, BOYS!" "STEP TO THE BEAT!" "WHOO-HOOO!" "FASTER FASTER FASTER!" "SLOWER." "SLOWER!" "SLOWER." "THAT'S NOT SLOW." "ABORT!" "ABORT!" "ABOOOOOOOORT!" "NOT FUNNY." "SO NOT FUNNY." "OH, YOU GUYS THINK THAT'S FUNNY?" "WHAT PART OF "ABORT" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" "SEND ME THROUGH THE AIR." "LAUGH IT UP, LAUGH IT UP, SNOWY." "YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?" "YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY, BUDDY?" "IT'S NOT FUNNY." "WHAT IS WITH YOU GUYS?" "YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THE TEST RIDE WITH THE DOGS" "IF YOU WOULD GET AIRBORNE!" "LAUGH IT UP, YOU LAZY FURBALLS." "LOOK AT YOU GUYS." "YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TRAINING;" "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING ATTENTION AND TRAINING." "YOU DON'T THINK I'LL TAKE THE DOGS?" "OH, I'LL TAKE THE DOGS!" "AND NO MORE SNACKING!" "( belches )" "CUTE." " ( belching )" " VERY CUTE." "( reindeer moans )" "( Nick grunting )" "HOLY..." "FAT FARM." "( electrical whirring )" "( pop music playing )" "Woman:" "ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR." "SHOULDER, SHOULDER, ROLL IT." "AND ONE, DOWN, TWO, DOWN," "THREE..." "SHOULDER UP, SHOULDER UP." "IN YOUR FACE, IN YOUR FACE." "SLIDE!" "HERE WE GO, LADIES." "WORK IT." "SHOULDER UP, SHOULDER UP." "IN YOUR FACE, IN YOUR FACE." "SLIDE!" "HERE WE GO, LADIES." " WORK IT!" " WHOO!" "WHOO!" "( girls scream )" "( crashing sounds )" "THAT LAST MOVE?" "I CAN TEACH YOU THAT IF YOU'D LIKE." "SO WHAT KIND OF PROGRAM WERE YOU LOOKING FOR?" "IS YOUR GOAL TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT OR GAIN SOME MUSCLE?" "LOSE WEIGHT." "DEFINITELY TO LOSE WEIGHT." " I NEED SOMETHING QUICK." " LET ME GUESS..." "YOU WANT RESULTS BY CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?" "CHRISTMAS EVE, TO BE EXACT." " THREE DAYS?" " YEAH." "WELL, I SUPPOSE IT'S POSSIBLE TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS." "NO, A FEW POUNDS." "UM, NOT JUST A FEW POUNDS." "MORE LIKE..." "MORE LIKE 50 lbs." "NOT FOR ME." "NO, I GOT THE OLD ROCK-HARD ABS, YOU KNOW." "NEED SOME CLOTHES THAT NEED WASHING?" "TIKETA-TIKETA-TIKETA." "I'M YOUR GUY." "NO, I GOT THESE FRIENDS WHO ARE SNACKING..." " MM-HMM." " ..." "BETWEEN MEALS." "GRAZING, I SHOULD SAY..." "POWER GRAZING, MORE LIKE IT." "I MEAN, WE ARE TALKING ZERO SELF-CONTROL." "THEIR ATTITUDE SEEMS TO BE, "WHY STOP AT ONE BALE OF HAY"" ""WHEN WE CAN HAVE THREE BALES OF HAY?"" "NOW WE GOT A PROBLEM, OKAY?" "BECAUSE NORMALLY IT TAKES ME ABOUT 20 FEET OF TARMAC" "TO GET THE OLD SLEIGH AIRBORNE," "BUT NOW I CAN RUN 'EM FLUSH THE LENGTH OF A FOOTBALL FIELD" "AND THEY WOULD NOT CLEAR YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S MISTLETOE." "MAYBE WE SHOULD SAY THE PROGRAM'S FOR ME." "( radio playing jazz )" "MMM." "THIS IS REALLY GOOD," "IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF." "I'M REALLY GLAD THAT WE GOT TO SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER." "YOU'RE VERY CUTE WHEN YOU EAT." "( turns off radio )" "WITH EVERYTHING THERE WAS TO DO, BUDDY," "NICK'S PARENTS ALWAYS SEEMED TO FIND TIME FOR EACH OTHER AT CHRISTMAS." "( dog barking )" "( wind howling )" "( electrical whirring )" "GO ON, GET UP THERE, YOU NAUGHTY BOY." "GET PHYSICAL." "COME ON, GET..." "YOU GOTTA GET IN THE FAT-BURNING ZONE." "YOU'RE NOT BURNING." "HIT "MANUAL." HIT "MANUAL." GET IN THE ZONE." "NICK, WHAT IS ALL THIS?" "AH, SANDY, WE'RE EXERCISING." "WE'RE EXERCISING, RIGHT, GUYS?" "I GOT A TREADMILL, I GOT MYSELF A STAIRMASTER," "I GOT MYSELF AN ANTLER-PULL, I GOT MYSELF A JUMP ROPE." "( groans )" "WE'RE WORKING ON THE JUMP ROPE." "AND AT 11:30, WE'RE GONNA DO SOME YOGA." "THEY'RE A LITTLE IFFY WITH IT." "THEY DON'T LIKE SOME OF THE POSES." "WON'T DO DOWNWARD DOG." "I DON'T KNOW WHY." " THEY WANNA DO "DOWNWARD DEER."" " NICK!" "YOU WERE GONE FOR HOURS." "I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU." " I MADE A BIG DINNER..." " YEAH." "...AND WE WERE GONNA DECORATE THE TREE." "YOU KNOW, THIS WAS GONNA BE OUR CHRISTMAS" "BEFORE THINGS WITH THE REGULAR CHRISTMAS GOT TOO CRAZY." "WHAT?" "OH, YEAH." "HONEY, I'M..." "I'M SORRY." "I JUST, YOU KNOW, I LOST TRACK OF TIME GETTING ALL THIS EQUIPMENT." "ALL THIS GYM EQUIPMENT?" "YEAH, I GOTTA PUT THE GUYS THROUGH BOOT CAMP." "BOOT CAMP?" "HOOF CAMP?" "HOOF CAMP." " 'CAUSE THEY'RE GETTING TOO FAT TO FLY." " TOO FAT?" "YEAH, FAT, THEY'RE..." "THEY'RE ZAFTIG, THEY'RE FULL-FIGURED," "THEY'RE RUBINESQUE, THEY'RE FAT." "THEY'RE FAT." "SOMEONE'S BEEN INDULGING THEIR, MMM, SWEET TOOTH LATELY." "RIGHT." "AM I RIGHT?" "RIGHT." "AH, SOMEONE?" "THERE'S ONLY YOU AND ME UP HERE." "ARE YOU SAYING THAT I MADE THE REINDEER FAT?" "NO NO..." "YEAH." "YEAH." "I MEAN, NOT INTENTIONALLY," "BUT YOU DID INSIST ON TAKING OVER THE FEEDINGS, SO..." "WELL, I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU." "YOU KNOW, YOU GET SO OVERWHELMED." "YEAH, I'M UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE." "MUSIC!" "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" "WE NEED MUSIC, SOMETHING TO MOTIVATE 'EM." ""DECK THE HALLS WITH"..." ""SHAKE YOUR BOOTY"..." "SOMETHING LIKE THAT." ""SILENT NIGHT FEVER."" "WHERE'S ALL MY STUFF?" "OH, I..." "I STRAIGHTENED UP." "NO NO NO..." "NO STRAIGHTENING." "SANTA'S MESSY ON PURPOSE I HAVE EVERYTHING EXACTLY THE WAY I WANT... ( gasps )" " WHERE'S THE BOOK?" " WHAT BOOK?" "THE BOOK?" "THE BOOK..." "THE BOOK." "THE BIG OLD DUSTY LEATHER BINDING..." " OH, THIS BOOK?" " THAT BOOK." "THIS, SANDY, THIS..." "OKAY..." "IS NOT JUST "A" BOOK." "THIS IS "THE" BOOK." "IT'S THE JOB MANUAL..." "EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW" "ABOUT BEING FATHER CHRISTMAS, SANTA CLAUS, THE BIG CHRISTMAS CHEESE," "JOLLY OLD ST." "NICK, IS IN THIS BOOK..." "HOW TO FLY THE SLEIGH, HOW TO SEE THEM WHEN THEY'RE SLEEPING," "HOW TO KNOW WHEN THEY'RE AWAKE, HOW TO KNOW IF THEY'VE BEEN GOOD," "HOW TO KNOW IF THEY'VE BEEN..." "SWEETHEART?" "THEY MIGHT BE GOOD, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE..." "YOU CAN TOUCH ANYTHING IN HERE." "WHAT'D I SAY?" "SANDY, COME..." "I'M UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE HERE." "OH, NO, I KNOW." "I HEARD YOU." "YOU'RE THE BIG CHRISTMAS CHEESE," "FATHER CHRISTMAS AND JOLLY ST." "NICK." "YEAH, BUT IT'S MY CHRISTMAS TOO." "YOU KNOW, IT'S OURS, TOGETHER." "I PUT EXTRA EGG IN THE NOG." "I MEAN, DOESN'T SANTA GET TO HAVE A CHRISTMAS TOO?" "YES, BUT I'M WORKING, SO..." "NO." "I MEAN, IT'S MY SECOND CHRISTMAS." "I GOT BIG BOOTS TO FILL AND..." " AND THIS IS HAPHAZARD TINSEL..." " ( door opens )" " ..." "HANGING..." " ( reindeer bellows )" "BUDDY, UH..." "BARN, BUDDY." "YOU HEARD ME." "LISTEN, BUDDY..." "NO, WE'RE NOT FIGHTING, WE'RE JUST ANNUNCIATING" "LOUDLY FOR CLARITY PURPOSES." "GIVE US A MINUTE?" "NOW." "( snorts )" "THANK YOU, BUDDY." "YOU KNOW, TONIGHT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME." "THERE WAS SOMETHING I WANTED TO TELL YOU." "I..." "WHEN TINSEL ATTACKS." "ALL RIGHT." "WHY DON'T..." "WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME NOW?" " OKAY." " OKAY." " OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW." " OKAY." "I'M READY." "IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT NOW." " YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL ME NOW." " NO." "LISTEN," "YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO LAST CHRISTMAS" "WHEN YOU CLIMBED ABOARD MY SLEIGH." "d" "YEAH, I THOUGHT I DID." "THOUGHT YOU DID?" "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" "YOU THINK THIS WAS A MISTAKE?" "NO, IT'S NOT THAT IT WAS A MISTAKE..." "THAT'S CRAZY." "THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING." " WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?" " I DON'T KNOW." "YOU DON'T KNOW?" "OKAY, WELL, WHEN YOU KNOW," " LET ME KNOW." "OKAY?" " WAIT." "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" " I'M LEAVING." " WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT." " YOU'RE JUST GONNA WALK AWAY?" " I'M GONNA MAKE IT THE END OF AN ARGUMENT." "OKAY, FINE." "GREAT." "GO." " FINE, I WILL." " FINE." " FINE!" " FINE!" " FINE." " YOU KNOW WHAT?" "IF THERE WERE A DOOR HERE," " I WOULD SO SLAM IT RIGHT NOW." " WELL, IF THERE WERE A DOOR HERE," "I WOULD SLAM IT AFTER YOU..." "TWICE!" "TWICE?" "WELL, I WOULD OPEN..." "I WOULD GET THE DOOR..." " I WON ALREADY." " DICKY PUDDING." "( reindeer bellowing )" "NOT A WORD, NOT A SINGLE WORD." "YES, SHE WON." "I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING." "I'M GONNA CLEAR MY HEAD." "BURN THE FAT!" "Woman:" "GUSTAVO, I'M LEAVING." "THESE ARE THE NUMBERS TO REACH ME IN AN EMERGENCY..." "CELL, CORPORATE OFFICE, HOTEL;" "THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR HIS MEALS, HIS MEDICATIONS." " HERE ARE THE KEYS." " YEAH, I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM." "WHY DOES CHRISTMAS ALWAYS COME AT MY BUSIEST TIME OF YEAR?" "IT'S JUST A FEW DAYS, DAD." "I'M GONNA BE CALLING EVERY DAY." "I'LL BE BACK ON CHRISTMAS EVE." " I WANT YOU TO MIND GUSTAVO." " MMM." "AND PROMISE ME YOU'LL STAY AWAY FROM THE OLD CLUB." "I'M SERIOUS." "THAT BUILDING ISN'T SAFE ANYMORE." "( electrical whirring )" "WHAT IS THAT?" "WHAT IN THE WORLD?" " ( whirring increases )" " Nick:" "WHOOOAA!" "I REALLY GOTTA WORK ON MY ENTRY SKILLS." "Gustavo:" "I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING RIGHT NOW." "MAYBE IT WAS JUST A RAT." "WHOA." "OH, MY..." "IS HE ALL RIGHT?" "THAT'S ONE BIG RAT." "HE'S BREATHING." "HEY, EXCUSE ME?" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR GARAGE?" "OH, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION." "I WAS JUST..." "I'M GONNA CALL 911." "GUSTAVO, WATCH HIM." "DAD, YOU COME WITH ME." " DAD!" " I'M COMING, KATIE." "WHEN YOU'RE SANTA CLAUS AND THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE" "GET TO BE NOT-SO-FUN, LIKE, MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW," "THERE'S AN ARGUMENT, YOU CAN JUST FLY AWAY." "BUT ME?" "OH, NO, I'M ON TINSEL DUTY." "BUT WATCH THIS..." "HEY NICK, IT'S COOL IF I JUST COVER THE TREE" "IN TINSEL, RIGHT?" "OH, NO ANSWER?" "COOL, I GUESS THAT MEANS "YES."" "( grunts )" "( steady beeping )" "( distant siren wails )" "( fast beeping )" "FOR THIS I WENT TO JOURNALISM SCHOOL..." "DIGGING UP SOME SAPPY CHRISTMAS ANGLE AT THE LOCAL HOSPITAL." "COULD BE WORSE." "I COULD BE BACK IN STUDIO" "TRACKING SANTA'S SLEIGH ON RADAR." "SWEETIE, WHAT D'YOU GOT?" "WE'RE VERY BUSY." "Woman:" "ARE YOU CHECKING ON ROOM 325?" "Woman ♪2:" "I'M GOING TO CHECK ON IT NOW." "ALL RIGHT." "OKAY, HONEY," "THERE'S NOTHING TO BE FRIGHTENED OF." "NO ONE HERE IS GONNA HURT YOU." " AHH!" " YOU TOOK A NASTY BLOW TO THE HEAD TONIGHT." " DO YOU REMEMBER?" " NO." "DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?" "NO." "DO YOU KNOW YOUR NAME?" "AH, MY NAME." "M-MY NAME..." "NO." "WHAT..." "WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS?" "YOU'RE IN THE HOSPITAL." "THE DOCTOR NEEDS TO TAKE SOME TESTS." "AND I AM JUST GONNA GIVE YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING" "TO HELP YOU RELAX." "AHH!" "IT'S KINDA HARD FOR ME TO RELAX" "WITH YOU COMING AT ME WITH THAT POINTY NEEDLE-LOOKING THING." "HA HA HA..." "AHHH!" "OH, NO, YOU DON'T!" " GET AWAY FROM ME!" " GET BACK HERE." " SOMEBODY STOP HIM!" " HOW YOU DOIN'?" " HOOO!" " AW, GIVE HIM ANOTHER NEEDLE." " AHH!" " STAY RIGHT THERE." "WHOA!" "HALT!" "LOOK, A KITTEN." "DON'T YOU GO MESSING WITH THIS TREE NOW, MR. NO-MEMORY." "IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN." "YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME, EVIL POINTY-NEEDLE LADY." "WHAT WAS IN THE EVIL POINTY NEEDLE ANYWAY?" " A SEDATIVE." " SEDATIVE?" "SO, AHHH!" "THE JOKE'S ON YOU." "IT'S NOT WORKING." "AHA HA HA, AHA HA HA, AH..." "Woman:" "SOMEONE GET ME A GURNEY!" "AND A NEW TREE." "♪ Baby, you stole my heart ♪" "♪ How come you took it away... ♪" "MERRY CHRISTMAS." "CHRISTMAS." "I HATE CHRISTMAS." "AND I AIN'T AFRAID TO SAY IT." "YOU TELL ME ONE GOOD THING THAT EVER CAME OF IT, HUH?" "AN UGLY TIE," "DRIED-UP FRUIT CAKE." "I HATE UGLY TIES." "YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST." "IT WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS..." "DOWN ON MY LUCK." "I WAS A WORLD-CLASS BIG-GAME HUNTER." "I HAD A LADY FRIEND, SANDY." "I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD." "THEN HE CAME ALONG..." "A NOTHING, NOBODY..." "STEALS MY GIRL," "SWIPES MY FLYING REINDEER." "YOU'RE FLYING WHAT?" "I WAS GONNA BE RICH." "AND HE TOOK IT ALL..." "ALL OF IT..." "ON CHRISTMAS EVE." "AND IF I HEAR ONE MORE STINKIN' CHRISTMAS CAROL..." " ( jukebox record flips ) - ♪ Jingle bells!" "♪" "♪ Jingle bells!" "♪" "♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells... ♪" " AHHH!" " ♪ Through the snow ♪" "♪ In a one-horse open... ♪" "Woman:" "...live at Mercy Hospital" "Where a true Christmas story is unfolding." " ( jukebox warbling )" " Nick:" "No, I don't know my name." "I think I like vanilla best." "I don't like this boat very much, though." " It's not very..." " I told you, you vultures," "He has amnesia." "Reporter:" "Sir, what is your name?" "Nick:" "My name..." "I don't know my name." "Where did you come from, sir?" "Ooh, something smells like a..." "WELL..." "LOOKY WHAT SANTA STUCK UNDER MY CHRISTMAS TREE." "Reporter:" "For John Doe Christmas, there will be no dashing through the snow," "No halls decked with holly," "No chestnuts roasting on an open fire..." "Not without the efforts of you, our loyal viewers." "If any of you out there know this man, please," "There are three days left until Christmas Eve." "Help us get him home." "HA!" "Sandy:" "MIRROR ON!" "OKAY, YOU ARE IN THERE" "AND I AM OUT HERE." "THIS CANNOT BE THIS HARD." "OPEN SESAME." "REINDEER MONKEY!" "( low voice ) IT IS I, NICK." "OOH!" "YOU GUYS, ANY IDEAS?" "ANYTHING?" "( bellows )" "HOW DO I KNOW HOW TO DO WHAT HE DOES?" "HOW DO I KNOW?" "HOW DO I KNOW HOW TO DO WHAT HE DOES?" "THE SANTA BOOK!" "YES!" "COME ON, COME ON." "NICK SAID EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW" "ABOUT BEING SANTA CLAUS WAS IN..." "THIS BOOK." "THE PAGES ARE BLANK." "WHY..." "WHY ARE ALL THE PAGES BLANK?" "( whooshing sound )" "( coughs ) WHO OPENS THE BOOK?" "AHHH!" "OH!" "AH, ME." "SANDY." "WAIT, WHO ARE YOU?" "AH, NICK HAS SPOKEN OF YOU." "I AM GALFRID..." "KEEPER OF THE BOOK!" "ALL THAT HATH BEEN GLEANED OF THE WIZARD'S SPELL" "IS RECORDED ON THOSE PAGES." "AH, BUT..." "BUT THE PAGES ARE BLANK." "NO, IT'S JUST ALL UP HERE," "CATALOGUED, CROSS-REFERENCED." "YOU SEE, I EMBODY THE WRITTEN WORDS..." "ALL THEIR WISDOM, ALL THEIR EXPERIENCE." "I MUST SAY, THOU ART THE FAIREST CREATURE" "TO HAVE GRACED THIS LAND IN MANY A CENTURY." "FORGIVE ME." "IT DOTH GET LONELY WITHIN THE MARGINS." "WAIT, YOU LIVE INSIDE THIS BOOK?" "PRECISELY." "AND WHEN A QUESTION IS ASKED OF THE BOOK." "I AM COMPELLED TO APPEAR AND RESPOND." "SO..." "WHAT ANSWERS DOST THOU SEEK?" "SEEK?" "AH, MY NICK-ETH..." "HAST WANDERED AFAR." "DO I HAVE TO TALK LIKE THAT?" "SOME FIND IT CHARMING." "I NEED TO GET THROUGH THE MIRROR AND I DON'T HAVE NICK'S MAGIC." "SIMPLE, MY DEAR." "OH." "TAKE THIS, FILL IT WITH SNOW FROM OUR HIDDEN KINGDOM," "AND THEN SPRINKLE SOME SNOWFLAKES OVER THE GLASS." "AND THEN IMAGINE YOUR DESTINATION AND STEP THROUGH THE PORTAL." "GREAT." "THANK YOU SO MUCH." "B-B-BUT WAIT!" "WHY THIS JOURNEY?" "OH, NICK WENT THROUGH THE MIRROR" "AND HE GOT AMNESIA." "SO I'VE GOT TO GO FIND HIM," "TELL HIM THAT HE'S SANTA CLAUS" "AND THAT THE WORLD NEEDS HIM, AND BRING HIM HOME." "MY DEAR, HE'D NEVER BELIEVE SUCH A TALE." "AND IF HIS DOUBT SHOULD START TO GROW, THE MAGIC WILL NO LONGER WORK." "HE MUST COME TO IT ON HIS OWN." "SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?" "STEER HIM," "PROTECT HIM AS BEST YOU CAN," "LOVE HIM," "BUT JUST DON'T TELL HIM!" "DON'T TELL HIM..." "THAT'S GOOD." "OKAY." "AND FOR CHRISTMAS'S SAKES, HURRY!" "OKAY!" "THANK YOU." "OOH, SOMEBODY PINCH ME." "IT REALLY IS YOU, ISN'T IT?" "I'M SORRY." "DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER?" "TELL ME IT'S NOT AN ACT." "TELL ME THAT HEAD OF YOURS IS COMPLETELY EMPTY." "EMPTY?" "YEAH..." "YEAH." "ARE THOSE FOR ME?" "OKAY." " LET'S SKEDADDLE!" " SKEDADDLE?" " GET DRESSED." "WE'RE BUSTING YOU OUT." " BUSTING OUT?" " OH, YEAH, YOU'RE A SITTING DUCK IN THIS ROOM." " SITTING DUCK?" "OKAY, LESS REPEATING WHAT I SAY," "MORE PULLING ON THE PANTS." "RIGHT, THEY DON'T GO ON MY HEAD." "I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, THOUGH." "LOOK, HERE'S THE THING..." "SOMEONE'S LOOKING FOR YOU," "SOMEONE YOU'D RATHER NOT HAVE TRACK YOU DOWN." "OH, WAIT, DID I..." "DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?" "ONE COULD SAY THAT." "AND THIS PERSON IS JONESING FOR PAYBACK." "JONESING FOR PAYBACK?" "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" "BAD." "BAD!" "SEE, I DON'T REMEMBER DOING ANYTHING WRONG." "I DON'T..." "I DON'T..." "I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING." "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE." "AHH!" "ME?" "I'M JUST AN OLD FAMILY FRIEND..." "HERE TO GET YOU TO WHERE YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE A LONG TIME AGO." "IT WORKED!" "IT WORKED, YOU GUYS!" "EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OKAY." "IT IS ALL UNDER CONTROL." "I AM GONNA GO GET NICK," "YOU GUYS STAY HERE AND..." "AND DO SOME HOOF..." "HOOF-RAISES;" "HOOF-UPS, HOOF..." "I DON'T KNOW." "I DON'T WORK OUT." "Man:" "Downtown express is leaving on track 5..." "OH, YOUR FAMILY'S GOING TO BE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU." "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THEM." " YOU'LL BE THERE IN NO TIME." "TRUST ME." " GOOD!" "NOW HOW DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER?" "DID WE GROW UP TOGETHER?" "DID WE PLAY BALL?" "PLAY COWBOYS AND INDIANS" "AND CHASE FROGS AND HUNT SNAKES AND SKIN OUR KNEES" "AND SKIP STONES AND HAVE MALTEDS AT THE DINER?" "I THINK I LIKE MALTEDS." "AND DID WE GO TO THE PROM AND..." "OOH, WHO GOT THE GIRL?" "REMEMBER," "YOU'RE ON THE 6:00 TRAIN ON TRACK 4." "GOT IT?" "6:00 TRAIN, TRACK 4." "GOT IT." "ADIOS, NICK." "HAVE A GREAT TRIP." "THANK..." "WHOA, HEY..." "OKAY, NOW IF MY INSTINCTS ARE CORRECT," "OUR LITTLE BOBCAT WILL BE LOOKING FOR OLD NICKSTER AT THE HOSPITAL." "AND THAT'S WHERE I'LL BE WAITING." "( electric whirring )" "Sandy:" "OOOOO..." "AHHHHHH!" "( screams )" "OH..." "OH." "OH." "( laughs )" "TALK ABOUT A WRONG TURN." "UNLESS THEY'RE SERVING UP FRESH MOP TODAY," "THAT IS NOT THE CAFETERIA!" "NO!" "HI." "HELLO." "UM, I'M HERE FOR NICK..." "AH, JOHN DOE CHRISTMAS," "THE GUY WITH AMNESIA." "YOU A REPORTER?" "NO NO NO NO!" "I AM HIS WIFE." "SEE?" "I GOTTA CALL YOU BACK." "ABOUT YOUR MAN," "I'M AFRAID THERE'S BEEN A COMPLICATION." "HE'S ALL RIGHT, ISN'T HE?" "OH, YES, DON'T YOU WORRY." "HE'S FINE..." "AT LEAST IN THEORY." "THE THING IS," "HE'S MISSING." " MISSING?" " WE'VE SEARCHED THE HOSPITAL," "THERE IS NO TRACE OF HIM." "HONEY, HE'S MORE GONE" "THAN THE SNOWMAN COOKIES IN THE NURSES' LOUNGE." " NO, THAT CAN'T BE." " ALL WE'VE GOT IS HIS RING." "WE HAD IT REMOVED WHEN HE CHECKED IN." "HIS RING?" "THAT'S IT?" "HOW COULD YOU LET HIM GET AWAY?" "WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?" "WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?" "WHO'S GONNA FLY THE SLEIGH?" "WHO'S GONNA DELIVER THE PRESENTS?" " LET ME CHECK FOR YOU." " CHECK!" "( dialing )" "YEAH, CAN I GET A COUPLE ORDERLIES UP IN HERE?" " ORDER..." "UH-OH." " THAT'S RIGHT." " BIG ONES." " OKAY." "MA'AM!" "DOCTOR!" "OH, SORRY." "I'LL GO THAT WAY." "WAIT, HEY." "MIND IF I BORROW YOU FOR A MINUTE?" " WHO ARE YOU?" " OH, THEY'RE GONNA TAKE GREAT CARE OF YOU IN THERE." "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THANKING ME." "ANYONE WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME THING." "SANDY!" "DON'T FORGET TO CALL ME." "LET ME KNOW WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS." " BUT I DON'T HAVE YOUR NUMBER." " PERFECT!" " ( man groans )" " BUCK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" "ME?" "OH, NOTHING." "I WAS OUT FOR A DRIVE" "AND I FOUND THIS NICE OLD MAN IN HIS OVERTURNED CAR." "THERE WAS A FIRE, I PULLED HIM OUT..." "NO BIG DEAL." "BUT THIS, RUNNING INTO YOU, THIS IS AMAZING." " HOW YOU BEEN?" " WELL..." "WHAT IS IT, BOBCAT?" "IT'S NICK." "HE HAS AMNESIA." " AMNESIA?" " AND HE'S MISSING." "HE WAS IN THIS HOSPITAL AND THEN HE JUST DISAPPEARED." "BOY, IS THAT SOME KIND OF LUCK." "HAVE YOU GONE TO THE POLICE?" "NO!" "WELL, LOOK, SANDY," "YOU DON'T NEED ME BEING A DISTRACTION RIGHT NOW." "I'LL GO." "IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO..." "THREE, TWO, ONE..." "BUCK, WAIT!" "( laughs ) I ONLY HAVE TWO DAYS" "AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT ALONE." "YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL TRACKER." "WHOA, BOBCAT, I TRACK ANIMALS." "I KNOW." "AND I KNOW THAT WE HAVE HISTORY." "I'VE SAID MEAN THINGS TO YOU IN THE PAST," "BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO TURN." "WELL, DON'T YOU FRET, BOBCAT." " REALLY?" " YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT GUY." "OH!" "OH-HO!" "OKAY." "Woman:" "departing in five minutes." "All aboard." "( snoring )" "Man:" "Now boarding Metro express to Cleveland on track..." "AHH!" "HEY!" "HEY!" "COME ON, MAN!" "OKAY, SO WHERE ARE YOU GOING," "AND HOW MUCH AM I GONNA MAKE WHEN I CASH THIS IN?" "( laughs )" "THE JOKE'S ON YOU, YOU MEDDLESOME AND MISCHIEVOUS IMP." "I'M ONLY GOING ON A SHORT TRIP TO SEE MY FAMILY IN..." " BOLIVIA?" " BOLIVIA!" "BOLIVIA?" "BOLIVIA." "YEAH, BOLIVIA." " I DON'T FEEL BOLIVIAN." " WHO GAVE YOU THIS?" "A FRIEND, MR. MUST-KNOW-IT-ALL." "DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MUCH OF A FRIEND TO ME." "SOUNDS MORE LIKE HE WANTED TO GET RID OF YOU." "YOU KNOW WHAT?" "HEY, THAT'S IMPORTANT." "I DREW THAT." "AND WHAT'S WITH THIS WEIRD DRAWING?" "VERY GOOD DRAWING AND IT'S..." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS." "THEN WHY DID YOU DRAW IT?" " DON'T KNOW." " WHO ARE YOU?" " I DON'T KNOW." " WAIT A MINUTE." "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MEMORY?" "LIKE YOU'RE A TOTAL BLANK?" "COULD BE." "MAYBE." "WHOA, COOL." "COOL?" "YOU KNOW, IT REALLY IS PRETTY BAD," "BUT I'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE." "YOU HAVE?" "HERE." "I'M RYAN." "I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM." "I KNOW." "TELL YOU WHAT..." "I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT," "BUT I'M THINKING THERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO FOR ME." "WHAT'S THAT?" "( rock song playing )" "( plates clanking )" "MM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO THEIR CHEESEBURGERS HERE," "BUT THIS IS AMAZING." "GOTTA BE THE SAUCE." "COME ON, BUCK, WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO SEARCHING;" "WE'RE LOSING TIME." "NONSENSE, BOBCAT." "THE FIRST LESSON IN THE BUCK SEGER SCHOOL OF TRACKING:" "KNOW YOUR PREY." "WE GOTTA GET INSIDE HIS HEAD." "NOW TELL ME, HOW HAVE THINGS BEEN BETWEEN YOU TWO?" " ANY TENSION?" " NO." "NO, NONE." "I MEAN, WE HAD A TINY FIGHT." " OH?" " IT WAS NOTHING." "I'M SORRY." "NOW WHAT IF WE'VE BEEN GOING ABOUT THIS ALL WRONG?" "I MEAN, WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO WE THINK IS LOST." "WHAT IF HE'S A MAN THAT DOESN'T WANT TO BE FOUND?" "DO YOU THINK HE SAW YOU COMING AND MAYBE..." " HE TOOK OFF?" " NO." "NO." "BUCK, AS SOON AS HE SEES ME," "EVERYTHING IS GONNA COME FLOODING BACK." "OF COURSE, BOBCAT." "FORGET IT." "I AM SURE YOU'RE RIGHT." "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" "COULD YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE?" "COME ON." "MERRY CHRISTMAS." " THANKS!" " THANK YOU." "WOULD IT KILL YOU TO MAKE WITH THE "HO HO HO" S?" "HO HO HO?" "THIS SUIT IS ITCHY." "IT'S AN ITCHY SUIT." "WHO WEARS THIS STUFF ANYWAY?" "SANTA CLAUS." "JOLLY OLD ST." "NICK?" "THE FAT DUDE WITH THE REINDEER." " I'LL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET." " WHAT?" " YOU'RE JUST A DISTRACTION." " OH, IS THAT RIGHT?" " WATCH THIS." " WHERE YOU GOING?" " RING THE BELL." " I'M RINGING." " WHERE YOU GOING?" " SHHH." "WHY ARE YOU SHUSHING ME?" " OH!" " I'M SORRY THERE." "SORRY." "HE'S A CLUMSY LITTLE ELF." " THIS IS THE REAL GAIN." " AH!" "NAUGHTY!" " HEY, WHAT..." " NAUGHTY!" "HEY!" "EXCUSE ME." "EXCUSE ME, SIR?" "SORRY, I THINK YOU MAY HAVE DROPPED THIS." "OH, NO, I HAVE MY..." "THAT IS MY WALLET." "THANKS." "HOW'D YOU..." "YOU'RE WELCOME." " MERRY CHRISTMAS." " MERRY..." " HEY..." " WHAT ARE YOU?" " A BOY SCOUT?" " WHAT ARE YOU?" "SOME KIND OF TINY THIEF?" "...THAT KID..." "NOW YOU'VE DONE IT." "GRAB THE STUFF AND COME ON!" " GO GET HIM!" " STOP!" " WHOO!" " HEY, YOU!" "STOP!" "( blows whistle )" "I GOT IT." "WELL, IF I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA PICK UP THE TAB," "I WOULD HAVE ORDERED THE HONEY-DRENCHED CHRISTMAS FRITTERS." "OH!" "OH, GOSH!" "YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I BROUGHT THE WRONG PURSE." "SO, UM, WOULD YOU MIND GETTING THIS?" " SURE." " I'M GONNA MEET YOU OUTSIDE." "( whistle blowing )" "Woman:" "HEY!" " AHH!" " OH!" " OHH!" " I'M SO SORRY." "EXCUSE ME." "I..." "NICK?" "Police radio:" "Suspect is wearing a red Santa suit..." "YEAH, THAT'S ME," "JOLLY OLD ST." "NICK." "UH, LITTLE HELP WITH THE LAW?" " MA'AM?" " WHAT?" " THAT MAN IN THE SANTA SUIT..." " OH, YEAH?" " ..." "DID YOU SEE WHERE HE WENT?" " I DID." "UH, YEAH, HE WENT RIGHT DOWN THAT STREET RIGHT THERE." " THANK YOU, THANK YOU." " YEAH." " WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?" " IT WAS NICK." "HE WAS HERE." "HE HAD A WHITE BEARD AND A SANTA SUIT." " HE WAS BEING CHASED BY THE POLICE." " WHOA WHOA WHOA, SANDY." "COME ON, HE WENT THIS WAY." "BEFORE THE TRAIL GETS COLD!" "( groaning )" "HI." "FRUSTRATING BEARD..." "GAH!" "AH, KRIS KRINGLE!" "EASY." "EASY THERE..." "LITTLE REINDEER." "FELLA, I'M NOT THE GUY YOU THINK I AM." "I JUST..." "THIS IS A RENTAL." "IT'S PROBABLY POLYESTER." "AHH!" "AHH!" "WHEN REINDEERS ATTACK!" "AHHH!" "WHOA WHOA WHOA." "HO HO HO!" "GOOD..." "KING WENCESLAS." "FIRST I LOSE MY MEMORY," "NOW I'M LOSING MY MIND." " NICK?" " HEY!" " OH, SORRY." " CRAZY LADY." "I'M SO SORRY." "I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE." "SANDY!" "OH, I'M SORRY!" "SORRY." "HAVE YOU SEEN A MAN DRESSED AS SANTA?" "OFFICE PARTY." "BIG FAN OF THE EGG-NOG." "I DIDN'T DRINK ANY EGG-NOG." "YOU CAN'T KEEP DOING THAT TO EVERY STREET SANTA YOU SEE." "BUT ANY ONE OF THEM COULD BE NICK." "IT WASN'T NICK!" "LOOK AROUND..." "THE SNOW, THE LIGHTS." "IT'S CHRISTMASY HERE." "IF THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT NICK," "HE'S GOT A REAL THING FOR THIS HOLIDAY." "IF I'M SUPPOSED TO TRACK HIM DOWN," "I NEED TO BE ABLE TO THINK LIKE HIM." "MAYBE A COZY STROLL THROUGH ALL THIS CHRISTMAS STUFF" "WILL HELP TRIGGER SOMETHING." "YEAH, BUT HE'S HERE SOMEWHERE." "TELL YOU WHAT..." "LET'S CALL IT QUITS FOR TONIGHT." "WE'LL GET A FRESH START TOMORROW MORNING." "LET'S GO BACK TO MY HOUSE." "YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALONE TONIGHT." "YOU CAN HAVE THE BED," "I'LL CRASH ON THE COUCH." "( bellows softly )" "THAT'S SO NICE OF YOU." "UM, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I'M GOOD." "I'M GONNA GO." "I'LL MEET UP WITH YOU TOMORROW." "OKAY?" "THANK YOU." "Ryan:" "PSST!" "HEY, SANTA!" "GET OVER HERE." "COME ON." "COME ON, HURRY UP." " RYAN?" " NO, IT'S AN ELF." "OF COURSE IT'S ME." "NOW HURRY." "OW." "( indistinct police radio )" "WHAT IS THIS PLACE?" "IT'S LIKE SOME OLD CLUB..." "ONE OF MY HIDEOUTS." "GOOD PLACE TO KEEP WARM." "( door creaks )" "I FEEL LIKE I KNOW..." "THIS PLACE." " SO WHERE'S MY KA-CHIT?" " WHAT?" " THE JACK." " SORRY?" " THE KITTY." " COME AGAIN?" " THE CHOWDER." " I DON'T FOLLOW." " THE MONEY!" " OH!" "OH, THE MONEY." "HA!" "YOU'RE GONNA LAUGH." "YOU KNOW, THERE I WAS, RUNNING DOWN THE STREET," "YOU KNOW, WE..." "AND I KINDA, BOOM!" "I RUN INTO THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND I..." "Man:" "THIS IS THE POLICE!" " WHO'S IN THERE?" " THE COPS!" "HIDE." "HEY." "BUDDY?" "BUDDY, WHERE ARE YOU?" "BUDDY?" "( grunts )" "BUDDY, THERE YOU ARE." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" "WHAT IF BUCK SEES YOU?" "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN EATING?" "WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH?" "OH, ICICLES." "I FORGOT TO FEED THE REINDEER." "DON'T WORRY, BUDDY." "I JUST GOTTA FIND A MIRROR." "THEN I'LL BE UP THERE IN A FLASH." "WAIT A SECOND." "( bellows )" "HEY, WAIT." "THIS IS NICK'S PLAID SHIRT." "YOU SAW HIM TOO, DIDN'T YOU?" "( grunts )" "SANDY?" "OH." "HIDE!" "GO." "GO!" "GO, HIDE." " HI!" " IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?" "YES!" "TOTALLY." "YEAH." "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP." "YOU'VE BEEN AWESOME." "WELL, NOW, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?" "TRACKS." "REINDEER TRACKS." "( glass shattering )" "( creaks )" "AHHHH!" "WHOA..." "AHH, BRIGHT LIGHT." "YOU ARE THE SPITTING IMAGE OF YOUR FATHER, YES." "THOUGH IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, YOU HAVE YOUR MOTHER'S EYES." "MY MOTH..." "YOU..." "YOU KNEW MY PARENTS?" "WE IN THE SECRET ORDER ALL KNEW YOUR PARENTS." "BUT WHEN THEY STOPPED COMING, I ALONE KEPT THE VIGIL." "I KNEW IN TIME YOU'D TAKE HIS PLACE." "I STILL BELIEVED..." "THAT YOU WOULD COME BACK ONE DAY." "ME?" "YOU KNOW ME?" "AHA." "WHEN I SAW YOU IN MY GARAGE," "I KNEW YOU CAME BACK TO RESTORE WHAT WAS," "TO SEE ONE LAST MAGIC CHRISTMAS EVE" "BEFORE MY TIME IS GONE." "MM-HMM, MM-HMM." "I'M GONNA GO WITH, "HUH?"" "THE FEAST, THE DECORATING,"