"[UPBEAT MUSIC]" "[MUSIC CONTINUES]" "[MUSIC STOPS] [SOUND OF LAWN MOWER]" "[LAWN MOWER CONTINUES]" "[DOOR CLOSES] [MUSIC FROM TELEVISION]" "["MAJOR TOM" SUNG BY PETER SCHILLING]" "RAD:" "Hey, Michelle, do you know how to make a hard-boiled egg?" "Boil it until it's hard?" "[FAUCET OPEN]" "[CLICK]" "[TAPE REWINDING]" "[CLICK]" "[HIP HOP MUSIC]" "["STICK 'EM" PERFORMED BY THE FAT BOYS]" "[SPLAT]" "[MUSIC CONTINUES]" "MOM:" "Yeah, honey." "[IRISH ACCENT] What are you doing?" "Eating dinner?" "That's breakfast is what that is." "MICHELLE:" "Oh, my God, you look disgusting." "Be quiet!" "Don't pick on your brother, Michelle Ann." "He almost really hurt himself." "Yeah, microwaving an egg." "Now we can't go to Ocean City!" "DAD:" "You bet your bippy we can." "But I'll look gross!" "MOM:" "Dr Miller says if you keep that cream spread on your face overnight you'll be in great shape tomorrow morning." " No, I won't." " MOM:" "Sure you will." "You're already looking better!" "[CURTAIN MUSIC FOR RADIO PROGRAM]" "[CASEY KASEM ON RADIO] We're counting down the hits, the 40 biggest from the official Billboard charts." "I'm Casey Kasem, this is America's Top 40." "MICHELLE:" "This family is so embarrassing." "This'll save us having to buy a whole tank of gas!" "I just have to go on duty if we come across an accident or a broken down car along the way." " You guys are so cheap!" " No, we're not!" "I don't see you writing any checks when it's time to pay the bills." "MICHELLE:" "You get into the stupidest things." "Shove it." "Must be not nice to not have any friends." "Must be not nice to be so not nice." "[RADIO CURTAIN MUSIC] ♪ American Top Forty ♪♪" "CASEY:" "Now, we're up to our Long Distance Dedication." "And this is from a young man in Louisiana who had been troubled by a feeling of guilt" "Mom, turn it up!" "He writes, "Dear Casey, my name is Patrick." ""I'm 19 years old and live in Cheena, Louisiana." ""My Long Distance Dedication goes out to my younger brother Jeffrey," ""who is 17 years old." " "Two years ago, - [MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES]" ""Jeff was injured in a swimming accident." ""He and I had gone to a creek near our home." ""I dove in, and Jeff dove in after me." ""He was very overweight, about five-foot-six," ""weighing 235 pounds." ""His dive was short" ""and he hit a clay bank under the water and broke his neck," ""paralyzing him from the neck down." ""For nearly two weeks, I blamed myself for this," ""but my family and Jeff helped me understand" ""it wasn't my fault." ""In '84, both Jeff and myself" ""were away from home at Christmas." ""Jeff was in San Francisco," ""at the Shriner's Crippled Children's Hospital." ""I was doing 90 days in jail for drinking and driving." "I don't know think we should be listening to this anymore." "No, leave it on!" ""I turned to drinking to solve my pain and problems." "As you do." ""In jail at Christmas, I was allowed to telephone Jeff." ""After I talked to him, I spoke to Mom." ""I asked her what Jeff needed," ""and she said he wanted to see me." ""This raised my spirits and hopes," ""to know that Jeff was as close as my heart would let him be." ""Now, that's all the distance is:" ""from my mind to my heart." ""So Casey, would you please play 'Hang On' by the Little River Band," ""to let Jeff know that when I'm released in four weeks," ""I'll be there as fest as I can." "DAD:" "This stuff is a bunch of malarkey." "No, they're not!" "Says you." "Says Casey." "[JINGLE OVER RADIO] ♪ Casey's Coast to Coast ♪" "Here's the band that's been performing in the area of Naragansett, Rhode Island, since 1972..." "Thirteen years, and lest year they finally hit the pop charts with the song "On The Dark Side."" "Here's John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band with "Tough All Over."" "MOM:" "Hey, Ocean City: we're back!" "[JOHN CAFFERTY AND THE BEAVER BROWN BAND PERFORMING "TOUGH ALL OVER."]" "MOM:" "Here we are." "[CHUCKLES HAPPILY]" "What's that doing there?" "You sure this is the right house?" "Let's hope not." "Yeah, it's the right place." "Why can't we stay at Sea Watch like last year?" "That was way too expensive." "Mrs. Unland's brother gave us a good bargain on this place." "But it's bayside." "Then what you do is you use your legs and you walk over to Oceanside." "We might as well have just gone to Deep Creek." "RAD:" "I don't care where we stay!" "DAD:" "That's the spirit!" "Now, the key's supposed to be under a crab statue." "MOM:" "I don't know which one." "MOM:" "Brendan, you look like a prowler!" "Well, I'm not." "I'm a state trooper." "[SIGH] Okay, which one?" "Right, that's it, everybody, off the front porch, now!" "Now!" "MOM:" "Oh no, is it the wrong house?" "Eww, gross." "We're sorry." "I guess we got here a few hours early." "Wash that sink down with bleach before you use it." "Cool, a record player!" "MICHELLE:" "It smells like Grandma's house." "Can I go get an Icee?" "You're not going anywhere until we've finished unpacking the car." "MOM:" "But not alone you're not." "Come on, I'm way old enough!" "Well, I guess that might be fine." "Mmm." "MOM:" "We weren't going to give this to you until we'd settled in a bit, but here's some money for you to spend however you want on this vacation." "Cool." "[HIP HOP MUSIC]" "[CAR DOOR CLOSES]" "[ENGINE STARTS]" "[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR RADIO]" "Hey, Windburn, when's Space Camp?" "Are you actually wearing those as, like, not a joke?" "[LAUGHTER]" "Pshh." "You wish." "Wicka-wicka-wicka-wicka!" "[LAUGHTER]" "[DOOR CLOSES] [ENGINE STARTS]" "[CAR DRIVES A WAY]" "[DOOR DINGS]" "[SCREECHING TIRES]" "[KISS PERFORMING "LICK IT UP "]" "Who told you it was okay to mix the flavors like that?" "Huh?" "I'm sorry." "I didn't know it was illegal." ""Illegal"?" "They're Icees!" "I'm just messing with you, dude." "I am bored out of my skulleton." "Now take a sip, fill it to the top, and take another sip, man." "Don't you know how it's done?" "Fill it to the top, sip, fill it to the top again." "It's not an Icee unless you sneak a sip first!" "Put more cherry in." "You got to get the proportions right." "[SKATEBOARDER APPROACHING]" "[LIVELY CHATTER]" "You dropped this." "No, I didn't." "Uh, I really think you dropped it." "I already have one." "Man, you can never have too many spoon-straws!" "I guess." "What's your name?" "Radford." "But everybody calls me Rad." "I'm Teduardo." "But everyone calls me Teddy." "Cool." "What grade you going into?" "Ninth." "I'm going into ninth too." "No way!" "Way." "Whoa, is that your ping pong thingy?" "I have one that looks just like this back home." "I mean, just like this!" "You must've been to Fun Hub." "What's Fun Hub?" "It's only the coolest place in the whole wide world!" "We got to go right now!" "I can't." "I have to go to dinner with my family." "Well, then let's go tomorrow!" "Maybe." "So, you come here every summer?" "Usually." "My dad's been bringing me here since before I was one." "Oh, dag, you live here?" "Man, don't go near that place if you can help it." "What's wrong with it?" "The lady that lives there is a crazy menace." "She ruined five marriages last summer." "And she eats bushels of crabs with the shells still on them!" "And she taxidermies surfers in the barn!" "[WHISPERS] Her name's Randi Jammer." "I gotta go." "Meet me at Fun Hub tomorrow at noon." "It's in the alley behind Anthony's!" "Are you sure you don't need this?" "Okay, bye Rad!" "[CLICK]" "[DISTANT HIP HOP MUSIC]" "RAD:" "Are we out here too early?" "MICHELLE:" "You think?" "Does the sun even work at this hour?" "The sun always works, bud." "That's what's so great about it!" "This way we beat the crowds and get a headstart on the day." "Right, that's it, I'm going in!" "Who's with me?" "RAD:" "I'm not hot enough yet." "Ahhh!" "Fine!" "This is how it's done." "MOM:" "Your father is such a stud." "That looks cold." "[WHODINI PERFORMING "FRIENDS " FROM BOOMBOX]" "Hey, Rad." "No way, you listen to rap?" "Way." "Do you?" "♪ Do I like rap?" "Did you just ask me that?" "♪" "♪ Of course I do I catch the groove ♪" "♪ I'm Teddy Fryy Spelled with two Y's ♪" "♪ I'll rap and spray All over your face!" "♪" "Fresh." "My dad's a real b-boy." "His boombox is four times the size of that, I'm not fronting around!" "Want to go see it later?" "Maybe." "Yeah, my dad breakdances and everything." "We even got into a break-off at the bus stop this morning." "It was serious business!" "The other guy was pretty good, but my dad smoked a cigar while busting a windmill and that sealed the deal." "Even the bus driver said he won!" "It looks like a slaughterhouse." "Are you sure it's safe in there?" "TEDDY:" "Fun Hub's not a slaughterhouse, Rad." "It's a heaven." "[PINGING]" "TEDDY:" "Come on, let's play!" "Hey, newbie." "What's your name?" "Rad." "Miracle." "Stacy." "Summers." "Sheela." "Trix." "Sheela and I were born here, and we've been friends ever since." "And I don't know where Trix is from." "Somewhere landlocked." "Cool." "All the guys in Maryland want to hang out with me." "That's pretty cool." "Sometimes." "[DISTORTED] Um, are you okay?" "Totally." "TEDDY:" "Come on, Rad!" "Let's play some ping pong!" "I haven't played in a while so take it easy on me, okay?" "Okay." "[BALL BOUNCING]" "Whoops." "LYLE:" "Well, what do we have over there?" "Shht. "Houston, two dildos have snuck into the cabin and now we're headed straight for Uranus!"" "Come on, let's just keep playing." "[CLICK, CLUCK, CLICK, CLUCK]" "Where've you been?" "Where you're not." "What's your problem?" "Get off me, perv." "Not until you tell me what your problem is." "I don't have a problem!" "Yes, you do." "Step off her!" ""Step off her?"" "LYLE:" "I can step on her whenever I want, "bro."" "Where's your stupid space pants?" "DALE:" "He must've left them at the deli, with the rest of the bologna and cheese!" "LYLE:" "What should I do to this little guy?" "DALE:" "Crush his nads off!" "LYLE:" "This is my table... renter." "Go play that pancake paddleball somewhere else." "The Fun Hub is for serious ping pong players, not dork wannabes." "He's gimungous." "RAD:" "Who are those two jerks?" "TEDDY:" "Lyle Ace and Dale Lyons, the richest kids in Ocean City." "Are they a couple?" "No, they're just friends." "I meant Lyle and Stacy." "Pshh, they might as well be." "What's wrong with her?" "You see that Icee cup she's always got in her hand, Rad?" "Well, that's not an Icee she's drinking." "It's Funk Punch." "RAD:" "What's Funk Punch?" "Funk Punch is when you combine an Icee with Pop Rocks and Pixie Stix and sometimes even cocaine and drink it really fast." "She's a Funk Punch junkie." "But she's so fly." "TEDDY:" "Are we going to see my dad's big boombox or not?" "RAD:" "I thought that's what we were doing." "[GRUNTING AND GROANING] [HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]" "Sounds like him and his girlfriend Amber are playing board games again." "I try not to bother them when they do that." "They get so competitive!" "Let's just go to the boardwalk and play Skee-ball." "I can't." "I have to go to dinner again with my family." "MICHELLE: "Our son almost torched his face off with an egg." "Let's buy him a present!"" " Will you just pipe down, missy!" " Those aren't a present." "MICHELLE:" "If I slice my finger off with a can opener, will you guys buy me a car?" " How about you don't come to dinner with us?" " Honey." "How about I would rather not?" "Why can't I wear what I'm wearing?" "MOM:" "You can't wear a T-shirt and sneakers to the Paul Revere Smorgasbord!" "DAD:" "Don't move." "[MOSQUITO BUZZING]" "DAD:" "Aww, that made a right bloody mess." " Squashed it all over, look at that." " MOM:" "Hon!" "You wouldn't have thought it'd have so much blood in it, would you?" "[MANTRONIX PERFORMING "FRESH IS THE WORD"]" "MICHELLE:" "Girls really dig dorks who wear church clothes to the boardwalk." "DAD:" "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "What are you playing at?" "Go on, get out of here!" "You can find your own dinner." "Good!" "And be back home by 10:30 or the front door will be locked until the morning!" "Ooh, scary threat!" "Brendan!" "I had enough!" "What is she going to eat?" "What was that for?" "[MUSIC WITH DRUMS]" " MOM:" "Brendan!" " DAD:" "What?" "I'm just getting started." "You got to get your money's worth." "MOM:" "What about the vegetables?" "DAD:" "I can get vegetables in our backyard, Kendall." "I've never seen any clam strips growing in our garden, have you?" "Nope!" "Nope." "Okay, that's enough, you two." "[BEAT BOX SOUNDS]" "[SLAPPING NOISE]" "Ooh." "Aah." "[GROANING/HONKING NOISE]" " RAD:" "Okay, first there's the bass." " [MAKES BASSY SOUND]" "And then there's the snare." "[MAKES SNARE SOUND]." "So you guys try it." "[BASS AND SNARE SOUNDS]" "Hey, check this out!" "What is that?" "It's a tongue worm!" "Okay, I'm going to keep a beat." "[BEAT-BOXING SOUNDS]" "What are you even doing?" "[SPITTING SOUND]" "LYLE:" "Hey, Brad." "It's Rad." "Hey, Brad." "Do you want to play a game of ping pong?" "No, really." "Just one game." "I heard you're really good." "TEDDY:" "Let's just go." "DALE:" "This should be close!" "Can we not do this right now?" "Yes, we can do this right now." "LYLE:" "Hey, I have an idea." "Let's not warm up." "Let's just volley." "LYLE:"P"..." ""I"..." ""N"..." ""G."" "DALE:" "Aww, yeah!" "My serve." "TEDDY:" "Hey, I just remembered, me and Rad have to be somewhere very important!" "Shut up, you black sissy." "Ready?" "DALE:" "One serving zero." "[DALE, ECHOING] Two serving zero." "Three serving zero." "Four serving zero." "Yeah!" "Zero serving five." "Zero serving six." "Zero serving seven." "Yes, Lyle!" "DALE:" "Zero serving eight." "[DALE LAUGHING]" "LYLE:" "You're really good." "DALE:" "Zero serving nine!" "[LAUGHTER]" "Rad, forget it!" "Let's just go home!" "Play him some other time." "Rad, no!" "Would you shut your greasy head up!" "Teddy, I'm sorry." "Sorry only counts in church!" "Teddy, wait!" "LYLE:" "Are you done flirting with your lover now?" "You do realize this is game point?" "DALE:" "Inseminate him." "Yeah!" "Yes, Lyle!" "Smells like skunk in here." "What's up?" "STACY:" "That was totally bogus." "I know what you need." "STACY:" "Listen, don't pay any attention to Lyle." "He thinks he, like, owns Ocean City just because he drives an IROC and is super rich and totally hot and ridiculously talented at everything he ever does." "That's really yellow." "Cheese makes everything better." "Sugar makes it the best, though." "Shooooooo-gerrrr." "Why do girls date guys like Lyle?" "Because they're dumb." "You don't seem dumb to me." "Yeah, well, you don't know me." "Do you "smort" cocaine?" "Do I "snort" cocaine?" "Yeah." "Why?" "Who told you that?" "I mean, I've heard some things, but..." "Well, you know what's worse than people who do cocaine?" "What?" "People who don't do cocaine but who gossip about people who might or might not do cocaine!" "I have to go to the bathroom." "[FIZZING]" "[SIPPING]" "[MR. MISTER PERFORMING "BROKEN WINGS" ON CAR RADIO]" "[MOTOR REVS]" "[TIRES SCREECHING]" "What's up, space dork?" "I heard from a little birdy that after we left the Fun Hub, you were eating crab au gratin with Stacy." "But that couldn't have been you, right?" "I mean, she only dates white people." "[CHUCKLES]" "Give it back." "What, this?" "I mean, I'm thirsty." "Milk does a body good, right?" "It does your body good!" " Stop, Lyle." " "Stop, Lyle."" "[DALE LAUGHING]" "LYLE:" "You know, you do look pretty dehydrated." "RANDI:" "Back off!" "No way." "The Town Weirdo is your mom?" "[DALE LAUGHING]" "Or are you his grandmom?" "I think you might want to leave, buddy." ""Thank you so much for protecting me, Weird Mommy!"" "[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]" "Thank you." "Put on your khakis." "We're going to your Aunt Peggy and Uncle Jim's for dinner." "What happened to you, Radford?" "Nothing." "I got hot and thirsty." "[CHATTER]" "MICHELLE:" "Do we have to stay long?" "Just a while." "They're so creepy." "MICHELLE:" "Why do we always have to visit them?" "MICHELLE:" "Your sister is weird and her husband is gross." "MOM:" "Hey, Jim!" "Ha!" "Oh, look at that." "The Miracles have la-la-landed." "Let me look at you." "Hey there, sweetheart." " MOM:" "Hi, Jim." " Aww, give me a big kiss." " Oh..." " Mmm. [KISS]" "So beautiful." "Hey there, Miss Vampire." "You need some Vitamin D." "Mmm. [KISS]" "And hey there, sir." "Look at you, you're all grown up." "Maybe not physically, but you're aging." "Right?" "You got to let me in on your secret." "How do you stay looking so young?" "I don't know." "Alright, we'll talk about it, alright?" " Brendan." " How are you, Jim?" "How are you?" "Welcome to the beach, sir." " JIM:" "Welcome!" " PEGGY:" "Well, what do you looksie!" "JIM:" "Aww, there she is." "Hey, sis." " MOM:" "Peggy, hi!" " You look great!" "JIM:" "Mm-hm." "Aww, Brendan." "JIM:" "Ha-ha!" "That's a kiss." "Yeah." " [GASP]" " Mm!" "Uh, what happened to you?" "Why, you could use a blood transfusion." "Good to see you, Michelle!" " JIM:" "That's what I said." " Mister Man." " Come on!" " JIM:" "Sweet." " Crab time." " JIM:" "Well, let's get some crabs!" "Mmm!" "PEGGY:" "When did you catch those crabs?" "JIM:" "Yesterday, I emptied the traps yesterday." "PEGGY:" "Yesterday?" "Yes." "DAD:" "Why aren't you eating any crabs?" "I'm a vegetarian." "What?" "You're what?" "Meat is murder." "I'm never eating another animal again." "DAD:" "But crabs aren't animals." "Well, then what are they?" "They're crabs, right?" " Right." "Exactly." " JIM:" "Right." "PEGGY:" "So, what have you guys been up to?" "DAD:" "We haven't been doing a whole heck of a lot, to tell you the truth, Peggy." "Isn't that what summer vacation's all about, right?" " PEGGY:" "Exactly." " DAD:" "Yeah." "I hope you guys are sunning yourselves properly." "Because if you want to get, you know, full coverage, you want to position yourself so you want to get the inside of your thigh and the back of your leg at the same time, right?" "You don't want any tan lines." "You don't just lay flat." "You got to work it." "That's why I have full coverage." "You are so sexy, sweetheart." "MOM:" "Redford made a new friend named Teddy and they've been playing ping pong every afternoon at the Fun Hub." " JIM:" "What?" " What?" "They've been doing what?" "Playing ping pong." "It's like tennis, only smaller." "I believe the real name is "table tennis."" "Oh, I know what frigging table tennis is, okay?" "What I don't get is why you play an indoor hobby when you're at the beach." "JIM:" "What's the matter, Rad?" "Ocean not good enough for you?" "We've been going to the ocean." "It's just, I don't want to get too much sun." "There is no such thing as too much sun." "PEGGY:" "You just need the right lotion." "[JIM HAMMERING]" " Thank you!" " MOM:" "You're welcome." "This is from my "Horny Shell" series, right here." "They take some time to get just right, but like most great art, it is worth it." "You actually sell these things?" " Oh, yeah." "They do real good up in Rehobeth." " Huh." "It's still a little wet at the tip." "And you got the short-and- curlies around the bottom." "You guys really sleep out here?" "I do every night." "Peggy, sometimes she joins me from time to time." "Obviously, you know, the mattress that we have inside is for other things." "You know, the moon provides a complimentary shade to, you know, your otherwise natural daytime tanning base." "If you'll notice," "I have a kind of a blue sheen, that nobody else has." "You know." "Don't you get bit by mosquitoes?" "Uh-uh." "They can't get in." "Can we go home now?" "I don't feel good." "MOM:" "Redford made a new friend named Teddy." "JIM:" "They've been doing what?" "RAD:" "Would you shut your greasy head up!" "TEDDY:" "Sorry only counts in church!" "RAD:" "Would you shut your greasy head up!" "Is Teddy here?" "No." "Do you know where he is?" "No." "Do you know when he's going to be back?" "No." "[PINGING]" "What's up." "RAD:" "I'm really sorry about the other day." "TEDDY:" "Sure." "That was the meanest thing" "I've ever said to anybody in my whole entire life." "I didn't mean it." "RAD:" "Your hair is crazy fly." "[ANGELO JANNOTTI PERFORMING "FRIENDS FOREVER"]" "DAD:" "So, Teddy, where are you from?" "Baltimore." "You like it there?" "It's as good a place as any." "What's your favorite thing to do when you're here in Ocean City?" "Hang out at Fun Hub." "What's at Fun Hub?" "Everything." "It's bad!" "Well, why would you go there if it's bad?" "Dad, bad means good." "Well, then why wouldn't you just say good?" "You kids try too hard." "What are you doing?" "Tongue worm." "DAD:" "Nice and easy." "MOM:" "Okay." "Ahhh." " [TAP AGAINST WOOD]" " Close but no cigar." "Don't be such a competitive creep." "Come on, bud, it's your turn." "Hey, Rad." "Hey, Stacy." "Aren't you going to introduce us to your friends?" "Dad, Stacy Summers." "Stacy Summers, Dad." "Hi, Dad." "Bye, Rad." "She's really pretty!" "Dad, would you be quiet?" "Ahh, you choked." "Alright, this is a one." "Aww, I hate pirates!" "It's not his fault." "Come on, Miss Peppy, you're up." "Come on, sweetie." "Michelle." "DAD:" "What in the Sam Hill was that?" "MICHELLE:" "Peppy golf." "MOM:" "Why don't you try to have fun?" "MICHELLE:" "I'm too cool for fun!" "Michelle!" "You come back here and pick this up right now!" "DAD:" "Is it time to eat yet?" "Whoa!" "That was like 50 strokes!" "Let's try to get to 500!" " Really?" " Yeah, maybe we could get to 500!" "Okay, but try to keep it in play." "No, doy." "Sorry." "Alright, ready?" "Go!" "One." "Two." "Three." "Four." " Five." " Six." "Seven." "Eight." "Thirty-two." "Thirty-three." " Thirty-four." " Thirty-five." " Thirty-six." " Thirty-seven." "CROWD:" "Seventy-five." "Seventy-six." "Seventy-seven." "Seventy-eight." "Seventy-nine." "Eighty." "488. 489." "492. 493." "494. 495." "498. 499..." "[EVERYBODY GASPS]" "Man, that close." "Don't try it, Pop Tart, or you'll know what it's like to be a little white plastic ball." "That was mature." "Oh, I'm mature, alright." "Oh, he's mature." "You know, you're not as good as you think you are." "Oh yeah?" "Well, how good do I think I am?" "I'm way better than you." "I at least know that much." "Okay." "Then let's play again." "Saturday." "See who's the best, once and for all." "Saturday, huh?" "Why not now?" "We were just rallying for hours." "It wouldn't be fair." "Okay." "Saturday." "One game." "No excuses." "I don't need any excuses." "What did you just do?" "I don't know." "You're crazy!" "[MARY JANE GIRLS PERFORMING "IN MY HOUSE " ON BOOMBOX]" "Hey, there you are!" "Whoa." "I told you my dad's boombox was no joke!" "He let you borrow that?" "Oh, yeah." "He lets me borrow everything." "Look." "What?" "She doesn't have a Funk Punch." "She's probably just hiding it." "Hey, you two." "What are you doing?" "Uh, nothing much." "Oh hey, this is my cousin, Rhonda." "She's sleeping over tonight." "Hi." "What's your name?" "Teddy." "Hello, Teddy." "His real name's Teduardo." "Hey, you guys should come to H2O with us tonight!" "What's that?" "It's the new underage dance club." "They should come, right?" "Yeah, why not?" "RHONDA:" "You know how to dance, right?" "♪ I can rap and I can dance ♪" "♪ In a bathing suit or in long pants ♪" "♪ At Fun Hub or in the club ♪" "♪ I'll show you skeezers how it is done!" "♪♪" "Dress to impress." "PHOTO GUY:" "Hey, gang." "Time to take a pose for a telescope photo and you can't say no!" "And..." "Right on!" "[POP MUSIC]" "Rad!" "Where were you?" " Hey, guys." " Hey, guy." "Alright, the gang's all here." "Let's go!" ""Suicide."" "Keep the change." " So, should we do it?" " What?" "Should we do it?" "Let's dance." "[NEW EDITION PERFORMING "POPCORN LOVE"]" "[Midnight Star performing "No Parking on the Dance Floor'?" "[CHEERING]" "I don't even want to go home tonight!" "Come sit next to me, Rad." "RHONDA:" "Oh, no." "You're coming with me." "The moon looks def." "I've been wanting to be alone with you since I first laid eyes on your tight bod this afternoon." "I'm going to go pee now." "Have fun!" "[DEEP SIGH]" "RHONDA:" "You can't get away from me." "TEDDY:" "Get off me, ow!" "Where do you think you're going?" "Get back here!" "Oh." "Have fun with your prude summer!" "Where's Teddy?" "Being a virgin somewhere." "Where's Stacy?" "Dropping yellow." "Huh?" "Peeing?" "Well, so what do you want to do now?" "I don't know, go home I guess." "Home's no fun." "I guess not." "I could think of a trillion funner things to do than just going home." "Shouldn't you be practicing for the big showdown?" "BOOZO THE CLOWN:" "Nyack, nyack, nyack, nyack, nyack." "Nice space pants, Astra-Nut." "Why the long face?" "You got girl problems?" "You couldn't get a girl it you tried." "You're so skinny you got to run around in the shower to get wet." "You need a fat one." "One that goes [SQUEALS LIKE A PIG]." "You couldn't catch a girl if we tied a bone around your neck!" "[LAUGHING]" "Loser!" "You need that big girl to come throw the ball for you." "[MORE PIG SQUEALS]" "Hey, go get his quarter, don't let him get out of here!" "[LAUGHING]" "[CRYING QUIETLY]" "You alright?" "I'm fine." "I don't think so." "What happened?" "[SNIFFING]" "I could've kissed her." "She wanted me to kiss her." "But I chickened out." "And then she kissed Lyle." "Well, that's bad." "Um, but next time, you should just, uh, you know, make it simpler." "If you want to kiss her, kiss her." "If you don't want to kiss her, don't kiss her, and then, you know, if she doesn't like you, well then, you don't want to kiss her." "Right?" " Yeah. [SNIFF]" " Okay." " Sorry for bothering you." " What's your name, kid?" " Rad." " Rad?" "Rad." "Rad." "Well, Rad, you know, you don't have to apologize to somebody for bothering them if they're the one that started the conversation." " Okay." " Okay." "Sorry." "TEDDY:" "Don't go near that place if you can help it!" "RANDI:" "I think you might want to leave, buddy." "What's your name, kid?" "[PINGING TUNE FROM GAME MACHINES]" "Rad?" "Hey." "I'm sorry about the other night." "I got really drunk." "I don't even know what happened." "Well, maybe you should try to control yourself better." "Look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea about us, but..." "No, I got the wrong idea about you." "It's not like we were even close to dating." "You know, Teddy warned me and he was right." "You're nothing but a stone-cold skeezer." "That was by far the coolest thing you've ever done." "Felt pretty cool." "Whoa, maybe you actually are cool." "[DEEP INHALE]" "[MUSIC]" "LYLE:" "Yo, yo, yo, what's happening," "Ebony and Ivory?" "Or is it Ebony and Ebony?" "DALE:" "More like Ivory and Ivory!" "Hope you've been practicing, Miracle." "That's a fitting last name, since you're going to need one." "You should change your last name to Skunk!" "Hello?" "You were a ping pong champion?" "And a bowling champion and a hot rod champion, but you were really a ping pong champion?" "Yeah." "So?" "Can you help me?" "It's time to cut these beauties." "You want to help?" "Uh..." "RANDI:" "Well, I loved playing ping pong." "But, you know, to compete, to be really good, you just have to practice all the time, all the time." "I mean, you can't have vacations or a social life, anything like that." "And I hated the tournaments." "It just took all of the fun out of it for me." "I don't want to become some world class superstar." "I just really want to beat Lyle." "Well..." "I think it'll take one lesson to beat that spoiled little dipshit." "Let's do it." "RAD:" "Whoa." "What's this?" "This is your new paddle." "Here, let's get your finger out." "See that grip?" "Good." "Show me what you got." "Aren't you going to play with me?" "No, you have to beat yourself before you beat somebody else." "I'm just going to sit here and drink." "That's it." "The ball making contact, ball making contact, ball making contact." "That's it." "You don't need crazy spin or flashy moves, you don't even need any style, really." "You just have to focus and watch the ball making contact." "Focus." "Ball making contact, ball making contact, good!" "Ball making contact, ball making contact..." "Oh." "Try it again." "Oh, you are in your head, man, and you've got all this negative chatter that you're thinking, "I'm so nervous,"" ""I don't know what I'm doing,"" ""Lyle's too big," "What's Randi thinking?" You've just got to switch it off, okay?" "And reload." "Physically, mentally, and emotionally." "And you do that by having a recovery routine." "Every pro has one." "After a point, you go to your recovery routine." "You might see some pros, they go up and they touch the table like that, or they blow on the ball, they blow on their palms, they take their towel out, maybe all of them." "I used to jump up-and-down on my toes and then go to my safe zone and come back and focus." "Got it?" "Okay, so, what is your recovery routine going to be?" "Okay, well, we don't have to decide that right now." "Just start focusing." "Go ahead." "Ball making contact, there you go." "Good." "That's it." "The ball hitting the paddle." "RANDI:" "That's it." "Keep it low." "Use a smasher." "You don't want to give it to him." "That's it!" "The ball making contact, the ball making contact, the ball making contact." "That's it, now focus, focus." "Good, good!" "The ball making contact, the ball making contact." "That's it, keep your focus." "Keep your focus, that's it." "Keep your focus." "That's it, that's it, keep your focus." "Good." "Okay." "The ball making contact, the ball making contact, the ball making contact, the ball making contact, the ball making contact, the ball making contact, the ball making contact, good, the ball making contact." "Oh, you lost your focus." "Teddy, get in here!" "RAD:" "Teddy, this is Randi Jammer." "Randi Jammer, this is my best friend, Teddy Fryy." "Well." "Nice to meet you best friend Teddy Fryy." "Are you going to come tomorrow?" "You don't need me there." "TEDDY:" "Radford." "Radical." "You're not Radford Miracle." "You're Radical Miracle!" "And you're..." "Teddy Flyy." "And what about you, Randi Jammer?" "You're the Rammer!" "No." "TEDDY:" "Maybe I could come visit you in Mount Airy." "Or you could come visit me in Baltimore." "I don't really have any friends back home." "I don't either." "I wish this summer didn't ever have to end." "Yeah." "It was the best summer ever." "But you know what's going to make it even better?" "What?" "When you cream Lyle tomorrow!" "GOSSIP BOY:" "Rad Miracle fold Lyle Ace he was going to skunk him!" "And then he hawked a loogie on his IROC!" "LYLE:" "One game." "One game." "No excuses." "TEDDY:" "What did you just do?" "You're crazy." "RAD:" "Do you "smort" cocaine?" " STACY:" "I'm going to go pee now." " RAD:" "Have fun." "DALE:" "Bologna and cheese." "Morning, bud." "Morning." "So, I heard about your big showdown today." "[SIGH] Who told you?" "Teddy told Michelle and she told us." "Are you going to come?" "Do you want us to?" "I guess so." "Of course we're going to be there." "Listen, I hear this kid you're playing is a real punk." "But remember, it's just a game, and even if you lose, it's not the end of the world." "It's just not." "We'll love you no matter what." "I just want to beat him so bad." "Bad meaning bad or bad meaning good?" " Bad meaning both." " Hm." "Hey Michelle, can you bring me my coffee?" "MICHELLE:" "Bring it yourself!" "She's got a mouth on her, doesn't she?" "I'm not asking, I'm telling!" "Whatever." "[DAD CHUCKLES]" "I didn't want to splurge but your mother insisted." "Come here." "MOM:" "Ohhh." "[HAPPY CHUCKLES]" "It was 37 dollars." " We'll take it out of your pocket money." " RAD:" "Oh, yeah." "[UPBEAT MUSIC]" "STACY:" "Rad?" "You look different." "Listen, I'm so sorry things got so messed up between us." "But I'm getting my life back on track and I'm off the Funk Punch forever." "What about cocaine?" "I never did cocaine, Rad." "I guess you could say brain freeze was my addiction." "Then what was the powder you mixed into your Funk Punch?" "That was Pixie Stix." "It doubled the power of my brain freeze." "But from here on out, I am Sugar-Free Stacy." "Good for you." "I've also been doing some thinking, and realize that I think" "I genuinely like you." "Well, that's cool, but can we talk about this later?" "I kinda have to play Lyle now." "Kick his ass..." ""Radical Miracle."" "This place is pretty cool." "Come on, Rad, you got this." "If he hits topspin, you hit backspin." "If he hits backspin, you hit topspin." " Crush him." "Crush him." " If he hits something else, just hit it over the net." "Everybody's here for you, except probably those two." " Look at his stupid space pants." " Did you see the way Stacy looked at you, too?" "I think she really likes you." " Send him back to Pluto." " You got this." "You've been using the little paddle," "Now you're going to get the big paddle and you're going to do great." " Watch." "Ready?" " Remember everything Randi taught you." " And go." " You got this, Rad, you got this." "You ready?" " Another one." " Ready?" " You really think I can win?" " Kinda." " And down." " Ahhh!" "A twerp paddle for a twerp twerp!" " Well, that's just nasty." " I don't like the look of that fella." "Never trust a redhead." "Did you see the look on his face when you called him Radical Miracle?" "DAD:" "Win or lose, we're getting a bushel of crabs tonight to celebrate." "You're all invited!" "DALE:" "Alright!" "That's enough." "Rad, you look warmed up enough." "Lyle, as always, you're smoking hot." "Win this thing, and let's get this over with." "Here you go, honey." "Good luck." "Volley for serve!" "CROWD: "P"..." ""I"..." ""N"..." ""G"..." "Yeah!" "BOY SCOREKEEPER:" "One serving zero." "Two serving zero." "Three serving zero." "Four serving zero." "Zero serving six." "Eight serving three." "Ouch." "That wasn't fair." "Five serving fifteen." "And it's out of here!" "Shut up!" "Seven serving eighteen." " Time out!" " [CROWD GASPS]" "Get over here." "Oh, so now crazy lady is his coach." "Of course she is." "DALE: "Thank you so much for coaching me, Weird Mommy!"" "What are you doing?" "Losing, I guess." "Forget about them." "Switch it off." "Reload." "You know how to play, you know what you have to do to win." "The ball making contact, right?" "What you bring to that table is who you are." "You have the power inside you to do this." "You do." "Now is the time to stop being a loser." "Now's the time to kiss the girl." "So I didn't mean literally but good." "You're going to take a breath, recovery routine, focus." "Then beat this prick." "RANDI:" "The ball making contact, the ball making contact, the ball making contact." " What is your recovery routine?" " Ball making contact." "The ball making contact." "The ball making contact." "What is your recovery routine?" "The ball making contact, the ball making contact." "KYLE: [LAUGHING] What are you doing?" "Stop breakdancing and play ping pong!" "CROWD:" "Ooh!" "Yeah!" "MOM:" "Go, honey!" "BOY:" "Eight serving eighteen." "Nine serving eighteen." "Ten serving eighteen." "[CROWD CHEERING]" "Yeah!" " Eleven serving eighteen." " [CROWD CHEERING]" "Luck-luck-luck-luck!" "STACY:" "That's it, Rad." "[CROWD CLAPPING]" "DALE:" "Shake it off, you got this." "Eighteen serving twelve." "[CHEERING]" "You got to get it over the net." "Nineteen serving thirteen." "[CHEERING]" "[CHEERING]" "Nineteen serving fifteen." " [CHEERING]" " DALE:" "Come on, Lyle." "Bite me, Dale!" "Sixteen serving nineteen." "Your serve." "RANDOM CHILD:" "Alright, Rad!" "[CHEERING]" "Seventeen serving nineteen." "[CHEERING]" "Eighteen serving nineteen!" "[CHEERING]" "STACY:" "Good shot, Rad." "Nineteen serving nineteen!" "[CHEERING]" "Oh my gosh, it's game point!" "It's game point!" "Twenty serving nineteen." " [CROWD GASPS]" " DALE:" "Yeah!" "You go!" "This!" "That was a big mistake." "[NO AUDIO]" "Twenty serving twenty." "[CHEERING]" "Oh my God, he beat him?" "He won?" "No, he has to win by two." "CHILD:" "Come on, Rad." "One more point." "Twenty-one serving twenty!" "CHILD:" "Come on, Rad." "[NO AUDIO]" "BOY:" "The winner, Radical Miracle!" "[WILD APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]" "The Rammer!" "[HAMMER THROW PERFORMING "YOUNG CHAMPION"]"