"Once upon a time, in a city much like yours, there lived a princess." "Metaphorically speaking, of course." "But she was indeed considered royalty within her chosen profession." "She was, in fact, renowned throughout the land for her wisdom and legions of followers doted on her every word." "Anyone could see that this was a woman on her way to the top." "But to the top of what?" "Her own ivory tower, perhaps?" "A prisoner to her work?" "Leaving her with a personal life that was not unlike the great hall of a castle." "Capable of holding vast quantities yet so empty it echoed." "This was..." "It was magical." "It never happened like this before." "Our eyes met, we knew we were destined to be together." "We lived a whole lifetime in one night." "Then the next day she called and cancelled our date to go to a wedding." "Well, it sounds like a legitimate excuse." "Her own wedding!" "And what?" "She couldn't do both?" "Mike, I think you were the unfortunate participant in a time-honored ritual known as the last fling." "No the unfortunate one is the sap who married her." "She sounds like my ex." "A real piece of work." "When she left me, she bought me a gun." "She said if she was ever stupid enough to come back, I should shoot her." "Ah, the smell of the desperate, the roar of the cowed." "Sorry I guess I'm ten minutes early." "Actually you're twenty minutes late." "The session begins at seven." "Right, see, but you spend the first thirty minutes going over the deja boo-hoo." "You know, the feeling that we've all heard these sob stories before." "Note to self." "Have Trevor speak at my "alienating your peers" seminar." "In this corner we have the women." "They claim to be looking for love, yet they have a recurring speech impediment every time a man comes into the picture..." "Speech impediment?" "!" "...you can't say "yes"." "In the other corner we have the men." "Might as well file their tax returns under professional doormats." "They really feel they can handle themselves in bed, yet they can't figure out why they end up doing just that." "Are you finished?" "Yes I am." "I've said my piece." "Thank you." "Except what's wrong with talking about making things work for a change?" "His piece just got a little bit bigger." "I have a freshly minted dead president for the first person that can talk about anything other than getting stomped on like a grape." "Come on, contestants." "You gotta spin it to win it." "So, returning to the show already in progress..." "Um, actually, this is something I don't know if you can make work." "Lady from Dubuque, come on down!" "Well, there's this guy and he's rugged, outdoorsy, muscular..." "Wow!" "What's his number?" "And he has the softest eyes." "I see him everyday at work, well, outside." "He doesn't really work with me." "And no matter how pointless or boring or bad my day is, he's right there, just ready to take me away from it all." "I mean he's an amazing guy." "He has a cabin out west." "He built it himself." "He rides horses." "He cooks." "Well, at least that's the way it seems to me." "Have you talked to him?" "No." "No I haven't." "Um, he's the model on the billboard across the street." "Actually, there's a term for this." "It's called the "White Knight" syndrome." "A person's desire to be rescued from a given situation is so strong that she unfairly infests a total stranger with the qualities required to fulfil her needs." "No." "No, it's more than that." "I can tell." "I've dated a lot of men since I've lived here and this is someone who I can settle down with." "I mean, this is someone I know won't disappoint me." "Meet him." "Meet him?" "Yes." "You, him, same location." "Exchange ego-enhancing stories." "Mmm, no." "I mean, he's..." "I don't think I could ever..." "Take it past the fantasy, because reality could never measure up." "You see, fantasies, by definition, are self-centred constructs and anyone who invests too much in them, are setting themselves up for disappointment." "It must be heavy." "What?" "Carrying that soapbox around with you." "Actually, it's called a degree, and it's why I'm the one sitting in the chair." "Valerie, this isn't something I'd recommend." "Excuse me, Dr. No, that's exactly what I'm talking about." "What's wrong with saying yes?" "What?" "Take a chance?" "Live the fantasy?" "Now you're reading my mind." "I'm a fan of fiction." "You can find the answer in someone you might have heard of, Icarus." "Inventor of the original crash and burn." "At least he dared to do it his way." "He went top drawer, first class." "Well, I would rather fly coach and land in one piece." "Which is what I'd say to you, Valerie." "The longer you hold on to this impossible dream, the longer you're gonna be distracted from the real goal, which is to find a viable, down to earth relationship." "All right, remember this Friday is cancelled, I am off to the lake for a well deserved vacation, but next Tuesday's session is still on, all right?" "Okay, thanks." "See you later, bye-bye." "So, about our little chat." "Trevor is it?" "Look, this is all just a little embarrassing." "I mean I know how it sounded." "Like I'm some adolescent with a crush." "No, no, no." "It sounded like a lot more than that to me." "It sounded like the answer to something that's been missing in your life." "What if I could make it happen?" "The two of you meeting." "How would you do that?" "I got friends in high places." "Here's the deal." "I will take care of everything and I will do all the work." "I will hunt him down." "I will talk to him." "If he's interested I will set up the meet-n-greet." "You don't have to do a single thing, except say that one word." "Yes." "Take me to your billboard." "After briefly bestowing her wisdom upon her subjects, the princess returned alone to her castle." "Claire, you there?" "Of course you're there." "If not, where?" "Breath of fresh air?" "Not our Claire." "I'll try the office." "Isn't this just what you wanted?" "A message from your assistant." "Anyway the paper called, they need your column by Monday and the medical board wants those updated profiles by Tuesday." "Is your laptop waterproof?" "It's me, the evil queen you sometimes refer to as your agent." "Big news, New York Times Magazine wants the article you're doing to be a three-parter and they want to run part one next week." "Three times more material, two less weeks to finish it." "Sorry, but I know you'll take it like the constant professional that you are." "Augh!" "Rampant consumerism!" "Money chasing society, selling itself right into an early grave." "Have you seen these ads?" "No." "I like to save the paper for when I'm actually awake." "I promised this woman that I would hunt down this guy on a billboard." "He left his manager." "They don't know where he is." "I've been through every paper and magazine in every mailbox on the block." "He's not in a single ad." "This has to be a dream." "No one would really wake me up for this." "You know the world." "The agencies, the auditions and stuff." "You gotta help me find him." "Thought you were a one man militia of love." "I need re-enforcements." "This is recon into unfamiliar territory." "What will it take to get you out there with me?" "Chloroform." "I'm fresh out." "I was thinking more along the lines of doing your laundry." "And the ironing." "And the dishes." "For a month." "What?" "!" "Do they turn these guys out in a factory?" "We've been to eleven of these places." "It's like finding a needle in a hunk stack." "Come on, man, I'm tired." "They can't all be gold." "I told you." "The agencies are told to send specific types for the auditions." "The clients do surveys, market research;" "they know exactly what they want." "All right..." "You're perfect." "Casual elegance, presence to spare, a face, a body." "You're exactly what we're looking for." "Did you tell them?" "You know what you want, until the right thing walks in." "That's my next book." "Don't tell me." "The agent?" "Oh, you flatter me." "No, I'm just a friend." "I must tell you how impressed I am." "I never would have thought the people who fake the world into buying overpriced products would be such swell folks." "Oh, that's my next book." "We don't encourage friends on the set." "That's an excellent rule." "Look, I'm really not here for the auditions." "I know." "You have none of that rancid neediness." "I'm Brianna." "The job is yours if you want it." "I don't know." "This isn't exactly where I see my acting career going right now." "It pays a thousand a day." "It is a whole Nietzscheian super male thing." "Your mother will tell you, you did not come from a test tube, do not believe her." "You have been bred for dominance." "The first thing you need to do, take a mate." "Eureka!" "Now let me get this straight." "She wants to meet me because she's fallen in love with my picture?" "Yeah." "That's never happened to you before?" "You see someone in a magazine, you know, someone whose look intrigues you?" "You know, someone, you know, kinda like this." "She's beautiful." "Yeah, she is." "She likes to laugh." "Loves to laugh." "She's pro-giggle." "Her name is Valerie." "She's smart, funny, loves kids." "Not that she's in a rush." "I don't know." "She sounds intriguing, I just don't know..." "I feel that..." "How about this?" "You pick a public place, right?" "A cup of coffee maybe an Italian biscuit." "Italian biscuit?" "Try this on for prospective." "Woman comes up to you, says "I love your look, audition tomorrow nine o'clock"." "Would you go?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Think of this as an audition." "You're auditioning, she's auditioning, and if by some wonderfully insane chance it works out, you both have the role of a lifetime." "Cup of coffee couldn't hurt." "No, sir." "The princess prided herself on her ability to focus." "Immune to any distractions that might take her from her chosen course." "The stars were aligned in her life and as all the other great scientists of her era were well aware, once the stars are aligned they continue on course for eternity." "Or do they?" "Up till now she was only vaguely aware of what she was missing by locking herself in her tower." "A life, the more poetic among us might say, but maybe that was about to change." "Something new had just been left on her doorstep." "We'll call it hope." "No kiss to wake the sleeping beauty, and only a fast approaching deadline and the morning newspaper awaiting her waking hours." "Oh, and the gold egg and muffins." "It appeared that the princess just might have a mysterious suitor." "And given that he had momentarily taken her mind from her work would it be that big a stretch to think of him as her white knight?" "Scott?" "Valerie?" "Yes." "Uh, wow, hi." "It's, um, it's you, really here in person." "Yeah, they let me off the billboard once a week to learn the ways of your people." "Wow, wh..." "So..." "Trevor tells me you're in international relations?" "Close." "I teach English to immigrants." "And he said you own a venture capital firm?" "Close, I'm a junior accountant." "I'm afraid to ask what else he exaggerated about me." "I was a business major at a school near my hometown." "Where's that?" "Just outside of Missoula, Montana." "I grew up on a cattle ranch." "Really?" "I had my own horse, I would hike with my three brothers." "What about you?" "How did you get into modelling?" "A scout saw me on campus one day and I needed the money for student loans." "Now it's my main source of income, but I'm thinking of getting out of it though." "Oh, really?" "Why?" "Well, you tend to lose credibility in a classroom when your students see you on the side of a bus in striped jockey shorts." "I suppose so." "But I'll bet your class is standing room only." "I'd go and I already speak the language." "I shouldn't even plan vacations." "Vacations are for people who have time." "For people who have... what?" "Fun?" "Fun." "Right, right." "Could you call Dr. Turlig, tell him I cannot make lunch, see if Veronica Warton wants my ballet tickets for Friday, and move my "Seniors Seeking Love" lecture back, three weeks." "Seniors?" "Okay, two." "Could you see if you can find any information on the mating habits of giraffes." "Giraffes?" "Oh, it's a long story." "Long story, get it, giraffe." "See, I have fun." "Oh, do you, by any chance, know if anyone sent me flowers yesterday?" "Oh, nuts." "What incredibly special occasion did I space out on, this time?" "Nothing, nothing." "It's just... there were these flowers sitting on my porch and these odd little gifts, no note, no occasion." "Would you mind calling Jonathon Ballan and anyone else you can think of and try to find out who might have sent them?" "Yeah." "Thanks" "She lives!" "Why do you always know where to find me?" "Kinda eerie isn't it, almost godlike." "Speaking of things religious, you, sweatpants, out in public, isn't that the seventh sign of the Apocalypse?" "I'm on a deadline." "I'm picking up some files, which covers my reason for being here." "I heard that your trip to the lake dried up, I wanted to see what happened." "And?" "You caught me." "I'm here for some full frontal gloating." "Guess who's out happy ever-aftering with her straight-off-the-billboard dream guy." "Valerie?" "You've played before." "Yes, so have you." "I don't believe this." "After everything I said, you got them together, and you did all this behind my back?" "Up until now." "When are you gonna learn, Trevor?" "When are you going to stop interfering in people's lives?" "And here I thought all your lectures were cancelled." "He's a man in a picture, Trevor, okay." "She doesn't know him." "She's gonna get hurt." "He promised no more sticking women on slave ships and selling them in foreign ports." "Look, I'm being serious." "She is living in a fantasy world." "What happens when the real thing comes up short and she doesn't end up with either one of them?" "Are you saying that there is no possible way these two will ever hit it off?" "I'm saying the odds of a man she's only seen in a billboard having everything she wants in a relationship are roughly similar to the odds of being dragged from your living room by a pack of wild dogs." "All those words and you did not take a breath." "Is it true what you can tell about a woman by the length of her sentences?" "Is that your cab?" "Everyone wants to indulge in a fantasy." "It's human nature." "Like eating, sleeping, insurance fraud." "Oh well, far be it for me to argue fraud with you." "Excuse me, but whatever crawled up your butt is unusually large today." "Why are you so dead set against letting these two try?" "Huh?" "Because." "Because?" "Because!" "Because is not an answer." "Because is something you say when you're in 4th grade and you don't have one." "Because I don't believe in it." "Because I think people have to put their faith in something real, something they know has a chance." "You know what you don't believe in?" "You don't believe in what you just said." "Anyone would like to see these two get together." "I'm starting to think this has something to do with something else entirely." "Like, perhaps jealousy?" "Jealousy?" "I said it first" "There you are sitting home alone." "Here I am, yet again, giving one of your clients directions on the road to romance." "You always send them the wrong way." "I'm always the one at the scene of the accident." "I just can't believe you actually think I am jealous of you." "No, no, no." "Not of me." "Of them." "We are going to late innings and for those of you scoring at home, which unfortunately does not include the good doctor, the game is a blow-out!" "What game?" "The dating game!" "What is the deal with the expert on love and relationships who has dinner every night for one?" "Have you ever heard of field work?" "You know what?" "This is not a scheduled session, so I don't have to listen." "I'll have you know there just happens to be someone who's... never mind." "Who's what?" "Never mind!" "Excuse me?" "Yeah, I've made a few calls about the flowers and gifts." "And none of the doctors around here... sent... them." "Thank you." "Anonymous gift giver, huh?" "Are we possibly talking super secret squeeze?" "I have no intention of discussing my personal life." "I'm just happy that you have a personal life." "I thought you were making a beeline to the multiple cat purchases." "Leave it alone, Trevor." "I can tell by your face you really like it." "This guy rattles your cage, kibbles your bits, sauces your..." "I have fired my warning shot!" "Gotcha." "We'll talk about it later." "Planning your honeymoon." "Deciding which diploma gets to go on top." "Listen, just a bit of advice, sounds like a fantasy to me." "You might not want to ruin it by actually meeting him." "Champ Terrace is fetching in a fall ensemble that includes laundry shrunk jeans that give the buttocks an alluring lift." "His taut and tortured v-neck just screams "treat me like the tart that I am"." "The face man cometh." "I'm psyched." "You know, they're talking about doing a national commercial now?" "The last guy that Brianna discovered went on to do magazine covers, all the best talk shows." "Even got his own website." "Not that you've given it much thought." "Is that the sound of someone who's had a great day?" "Yes, it was wonderful." "That man makes my earlobes sweat." "He's smart, he's funny, he's sophisticated." "Almost everything I could ask for." "Almost?" "Well, I'm still getting to know him." "It's not easy meeting someone you've been dreaming about for six months." "You're afraid you might wake up." "And?" "I'm still dreaming." "All right." "Anyway, I just wanted to come by and say thank you." "I still can't believe you made this happen." "Just think of me as McCupid, over 15 billion served." "Bye." "See ya." "Meanwhile, back in her ivory tower, a short break from her work and a moment to ponder life on the outside." "Hello?" "Oh, I love it when you talk like that." "All breathy schoolgirl, I can practically smell the knee socks." "Trevor, what do you want?" "You mean besides the schoolgirl stuff?" "I called to brag a little bit more about the Scott and Valerie thing, proving yet again that I am the master of love in the Windy City." "Master of the windy part, maybe." "They came to play, went the full three sets and the score is tied at love-love" "Enjoy it while it lasts, which given whose idea it was, should be about another twenty minutes." "Nihilism." "Don't try it at home, kids." "And speaking of that home, I have a little information about your situation." "My situation?" "Yes, your situation" "I have talked to the higher-ups to find out who is leaving those gifts and they have completely ruled out magic elves." "Goodbye, Trev..." "It's him." "Him?" "Him who?" "Don't step on any flaming paper bags!" "The princess gave chase but the mysterious figure was too swift for her, mounting his trusty stallion and disappearing into the forest." "She could only wonder who was doing this." "Some sort of wizard?" "And if so, what manner of spell had he cast on her?" "Hi, it's Jac." "Um, I'm still searching for your mystery man." "It's not the construction worker or the guy who waved to you from his Toyota." "Oh, and your editor wants to know where the pages are." "I got you!" "Wow!" "I thought these things only happen in those letters to Penthouse!" "The princess' desire to know her suitor's identity exposed a side of her many have never seen before." "Scratch that." "This is too romantic to be marred by double entendre." "I practically grew up in a tent." "The food didn't taste quite right unless it wasn't cooked with butane." "We should go sometime." "Camping?" "Yeah." "Boy, I remember my first time." "I was thirteen." "My dad had me join the scouts, and we were in the middle of somewhere," "I don't know where we were." "And I had to get up in the middle of the night to... you know... and I wandered out and got hopelessly lost." "Oh no." "Yeah I just..." "What happened?" "Well, they found me eighteen hours later hanging on to a ledge." "Yeah, I'd wandered around in the dark and fallen off a cliff." "Wow!" "I certainly hope that was your worst camping experience?" "It was and it was my last." "Last?" "Not once since then?" "Nope." "I mean, the call of the wild doesn't really call to me." "The closest that I get to the outdoors is a John Denver album." "Set control to auto focus." "Nice shot." "Wish I had the camera." "Don't sneak up on me like that." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Is there a proper way to sneak up on you?" "What's that?" "What?" "That what." "Strange little thing sticking out of your wall." "Could've sworn it wasn't here yesterday." "You know, I think I hear my phone." "Doubt it, unless it rings on dog frequencies." "Here it is." "Where were we?" "At wits end." "Okay, look, it's a camera." "Kinda stalking your stalker, huh?" "He's not a stalker." "What he is, is just someone..." "Who knows where you live, sneaks around your doorstep, always has you wondering when he's gonna show up again." "What would you call it?" "Trevor." "At least I bring lunch." "You brought that for me?" "Well, you know, Linda figured since you're stuck inside and all..." "Linda... well, that's nice of both of you." "Yeah, well, you think that was nice?" "I'm adding years to your life." "I saw all the fat and grease, decided to take one for the team." "Ate the fish, chips and stew on the side." "Thoughtful of you." "That leaves me what?" "Boiled cabbage." "Yeah." "Or..." "Not-- not quite sure what it is." "Well, you thank Linda when you get back to work." "As in now.." "Oh no sweat." "I'm on a break." "So, the not-the-stalker guy, drops off a couple of midnight packages and suddenly, you're silly putty." "I am not silly putty, okay." "What I am, besides wearing thin of you, is curious." "Oh, really?" "Curiosity..." "Trevor all I want to know is who and why, okay?" "There's nothing more to it than that, all right?" "I admit it's very sweet." "Very sweet and no one has ever really done that for me before." "Well, actually no." "Once, Jeff Spina, when I was fourteen years old." "What does a fourteen year old drop off at your door?" "Condoms and a bottle of Brass Monkey?" "Bubbles, the kind you blow." "I just remember how nice it made me feel." "You know, that someone cared enough to get me something that personal." "Every time I looked in my desk, boom, there they were." "Made me feel kinda good." "Well, hip-hip hurray for Jeff Speeda!" "Spina!" "Spina, whatever." "You're a grown-up now and to paraphrase an old drinking buddy of mine," ""You should beware of freaks bearing gifts"!" "Leave your bag on the porch, then." "Reminds me of a not dissimilar story." "Boy likes girl, doesn't want her to see him, it's called "Phantom of the Opera"." "Oh, for a falling chandelier." "I'm just saying any guy that's kept himself this hidden, did not just step off a billboard." "Oops, I'm sorry, that's not a subject you care to talk about." "I'm sorry." "Oh, Scott and Valerie?" "No, not at all." "I have no problem talking about them." "Okay." "I'm sure they're getting along famously, probably even on the third date by now." "Wow." "See now, Claire must be short of a clairvoyant." "Which is about the time it happens." "Used to happen on the first date." "Ah, the seventies." "I came back in the wrong decade." "I am talking about the inevitable." "Look, I wish it wasn't so, I really do, but it's just about now," "Valerie will find something that isn't quite flawless about him." "He snaps his gum, he leaves water rings on the coffee table, he spells "a lot" as one word." "Then like a hairline break in a fine crystal vase, her idealised facade will begin to crack, you see, and there's no glue that can fix it." "So, Trevor, help me." "What?" "It'll only take a second." "I can't do this by myself, so you just stand here so I can check the focus." "You know what, you think that you always have the last word on this, well you don't, okay." "Here is the last word..." "Excuse me, we ordered some champagne." "Now, Champ, I brought you here to tell you something." "Something that will be very exciting." "Something that would be even more striking if we had some champagne!" "We'd like to feature you in a series of Khaki Nation commercials." "What exactly does that mean?" "It means that you'll be the centre of our campaign." "On going primetime spots revolving around you in any number of Khaki Nation outfits and there's more." "We'll be filming them in fifteen different cities over the next three months." "Normally at this point I'm awash in tears and thank-yous." "I'm sorry, it's very flattering." "Really." "It's just that, I've already promised the next several months to the Eden Theatre here in town." "I'm playing Banquo in Macbeth." "It's a great opportunity I...." "Oh, forget Macbeth." "A year with us you could buy the Eden Theatre and get yourself in an American play." "Exposure, experience, expenses paid." "What do you say?" "Do I send it back?" "but clearly work was no longer all that was consuming our fair maiden." "Hello?" "Hi." "Valerie, it's Dr. Allen." "Claire." "Am I interrupting anything?" "No." "No, just work, but that's a good thing to interrupt." "Tell me about it." "Trevor mentioned that you got together with that, uh..." "My billboard guy, yeah." "Look, I know you warned me against it," "I know you said that it wasn't..." "No, Valerie, I'm not calling to scold you, I mean, really" "I was just wondering how things were working out, you know?" "I think I might have been a little too quick to try to stop you, like I did." "And I'm thinking, you know, what's the big deal, what's wrong with having an image of someone and wanting to meet him, see if he lives up to it, you know?" "He doesn't." "I mean he does, in so many ways." "He's great, he's everything any woman in her right mind could ask for, it's just...he's not the guy I had in my head." "But you like him, yes?" "Yeah, I like him a lot." "The thing is, Dr. Allen, I mean, he's a city guy, you know?" "He's happy here and..." "I don't know, I was just.." "I was thinking and hoping.." "Maybe he'd step off the billboard, sweep you onto his horse and take you back to the ranch." "Maybe rescue you?" "Rescue me?" "Well, Valerie, it's just a thought but in the group you've mentioned Montana and how much you miss it." "I'm not very happy here, Dr. Allen." "Maybe you're right." "Maybe that's what I wanted." "Valerie, it's okay to feel like that." "A lot of people want to be rescued." "You know, if he's really that terrific you might just want to hang on, be open to who he really is rather than holding on to what you hoped he'd be." "I'll try." "And I am pulling for a happy ending, you know." "Thank you." "You want me to be more rugged?" "Look, you like her don't ya?" "Yeah, I do." "As a matter of fact, I thought our date went really well." "We actually almost kissed." "Almost?" "Did you miss?" "Look, I am amazed at how much I like this girl, you know, considering the unusual way we met." "It's just after that, I got the feeling that she wants something else in a guy, you know.. something else." "Something I can't be." "Is this the part where you cry?" "Look, you have a tiny crack in the vase, we can mend that good as new." "She needs to see the other side." "I was talking to her earlier today..." "What do I do?" "Go to Africa and wipe out an endangered species?" "Why not?" "Look, she wants to climb mountains, you want to paint them." "Ernest Hemingway?" "Yes." "What's this?" "That is homework." "Homework?" "What are you doing?" "Where are you going?" "The very next morning..." "Is that you?" "No, no, no." "Come back." "Come back." "Hello?" "Trevor here." "Did anyone boil your bunny yet?" "So with a picture and a bit of imagination the princess had conjured up a depth of emotion too long absent from her life." "But hadn't the danger of that just been confirmed?" "The danger of expecting anyone to live up to a picture?" "Somehow none of that mattered." "She had become enveloped by something." "Suddenly she was excited by life in a way she hadn't been in years, and of all the gifts he had given her that feeling was the most magical of all." "Well, you know, I just thought maybe as her assistant, you had the inside-inside." "Like, maybe you knew who it was but he swore you to secrecy." "That kind of thing." "No, no." "It's not about me." "You know, it's about Claire." "It's about making sure this guy is above board." "Yeah, that's me." "I put the "screw" in "scrupulous"." "Listen, if you do find out..." "You'll tell Claire and she'll tell me when she feels like it." "Okay." "What about, um.... hello?" "What if I was meant to be part of some greater plan?" "What if I was meant to expand my goals?" "Broaden my horizons." "I mean, theatre is nice but commercials, that's a whole new way for me to showcase my talents." "Let the whole world take notice of me." "I mean, really, they're little sixty second plays." "They evoke laughter, emotion, drama." "Take that Maytag repair man." "Tell me he doesn't evoke a Samuel Beckett like pathos." "Ha, that's it!" "Hey man, thanks for clearing this up for me." "Banquo's a nice validation but Khaki Nation is the true arrival of Champ Terrace." "It's time for my career to bloom." "Flower shop!" "That's how I can find this guy." "Champ." "Ava." "Ava." "Champ." "What's up." "Classic facial lines, perfect symmetry, but she couldn't spell cat if I spotted her the "c" and the "t"." "By the way, did I mention the client's decision to go with a new approach." "New approach?" ""Ava is the only thing that'll get them out of their Khaki Nations"." "Or something along those lines." "Very hip, very artsy." "Very not what you and I talked about." "What the hell happened to exposure, experience, expenses paid?" "Demographics, honey." "We're all victims." "They decided Ava better targets their audience." "They love your body parts, though." "If you can't be the face of Khaki Nation, you're welcome to be the... shoulder." "I have to say, Scott, I was a little surprised when you suggested this." "I mean, after what you said, I didn't think you rode." "Yeah, well, sometimes I surprise myself." "You know, Scott, I want you to know that being out here is... well, sort of perfect, you know?" "Look, Valerie, I..." "Valerie." "What?" "Valerie!" "Valerie!" "Help!" "Hang on!" "Are you okay?" "Are you all right?" "Oh my god!" "You okay?" "Oh, yes!" "That was incredible!" "I cannot believe that you actually..." "Okay, Valerie, listen..." "I had no idea almost getting killed was so much fun!" "I know..." "Can we do this again tomorrow?" "Valerie, listen to me!" "I" " I can't do this." "I can't do any of it." "Look, this isn't the right time, I'm sorry." "No, no, no, I'm okay." "What is it?" "I know this wasn't a normal day out on the range." "But this whole rugged, outdoorsy thing and the stuff from the billboard, that isn't who I am." "I mean, I like the city, I like books, I like public transportation." "This, I don't like." "I mean, deep down inside you want me to be this Indiana Jones, but I can't." "But, Scott, that's not true." "My god, you just..." "Did something without thinking." "I got lucky." "Valerie, I am surprised that we both aren't dead." "The sad thing is, I really like you." "But I can't be this guy, I can't do this." "I mean, maybe I could learn to like it, but what if I didn't?" "It just..there'd be something missing." "It wouldn't be perfect." "What if, I mean, what if it doesn't matter?" "It does matter." "You shouldn't have to change who you are to make this work out." "The truth is neither one of us should." "how could a damsel not be in distress?" "Or, at least discomfort." "Kiss me." "No offence." "You're a frog." "All right, you can't turn into one, can you?" "Okay, what am I doing?" "Oh my god." "I can't... it's...it worked." "You're him and you're here." "I'm sorry, I'm Claire." "You probably already know that, don't you?" "No, no I don't." "I'm Nicholas." "Hi." "Nice to meet you." "Are you Sarah's roommate?" "Um, Sarah?" "Sarah Reed?" "This is her apartment isn't it?" "No." "No, no." "Not since last August." "Oh my god." "So-- so you..." "Oh, I" " I am so sorry." "You must have thought all this..." "No, no, really, you know what, it's, I..." "I'm so busy at work, I hardly even..." "I feel terrible, I just... you know, last time I saw her she lived here." "I didn't know she moved." "It's not a big deal, really." "I mean, it's an honest mistake." "Look, if there's anything I can do to make up for the trouble I caused, I..." "Oh, please, no, no." "I mean, I'm the one that feels so badly," "I mean, you certainly weren't expecting me for all your effort." "I just moved back to town." "I was hoping to win her back." "Oh." "If it's any consolation, you were doing a really good job." "I kissed the frog." "I did." "Well, okay." "Oh!" "I have a question." "How did you get into my living room?" "Because I had the locks changed when I moved in." "I didn't come into your living room." "Oh, well, I found this, under the cushion." "I don't play Scrabble." "A "p"." "Like "The Princess and..."?" "I like it, but I can't take credit for it." "So, I guess I should get going." "You wouldn't, by any chance, know where she might have gone." "She isn't listed." "No." "No." "Okay." "I'm really sorry." "About all of it." "Not at all." "Okay." "Oh!" "Wait a minute!" "Wait one minute." "You know, I think she left a card or something with her name on it, in case I had any questions about the apartment." "Oh, here it is." "Here." "I, uh..." "I hope she's still there." "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "And so the prince was reunited with his maiden." "Reminding us that most fairy tales do have happy endings." "And for those that don't seem to, the possibility of finding one may still lie ahead..." "In going home..." "Going back..." "Or going on." "And in some cases, knowing that even though finding your prince may not be as easy as opening your front door, sometimes playing fairy godmother is sufficient reward." "The moral of this story?" "That not everyone gets rescued, but being awakened to the possibility is a happy ending in itself." "Wasn't too distracting, was it?" "You know, me reading that whole thing out loud?" "No, not at all." "It was actually very educational." "Let's finish this up tomorrow, okay?" "Sure." "There's something I have to take care of."