"Hey, donna, when we register for our wedding, could we register for a trampoline?" "My mom won't let me have a trampoline." "If I'd known about registering when I married laurie, I would have registered for a wife who wants to have sex with me." "Eric, you know, people only register for stuff that's used in serving, eating and clearing of a meal." "Why is it always about eating?" "Because marriage signifies the end of trying to be attractive." "Man, registering sucks." "I had to register with jackie for her sweet 16." "Longest five months of my life." "Look, all I know is you guys are gonna buy whatever wedding present we tell you, and none of this all-going-in- on-one-gift crap." "Hey, hey, shut it, huh?" "No talk about weddings." "Jackie's on her way over." "She's not here now." "She doesn't have to hear the word "wedding."" "She can sense that it was said." "I wish I could do that." "But not so much with words, but so that I could see through people's clothes." "Look, you two start yapping about your wedding, jackie gets all, "steven, when are we getting married?"" "Then I have to say, "we're not getting married,"" "and she kicks me in my shins." "From the knees down, I'm like a frickin' P.O.W." "No, you have magnificent legs." "I would say W.O.W." "Wow." "May I help... oh, it's you." "Hello, fenton." "You two know each other?" "Yeah, this is the weirdo who sold me your ring." "He's probably worn it more than you, so... maybe she doesn't want to wear it because it's from you." "Well, maybe you need to keep your nose outta my business!" "Trust me, your business is the last place" "I want to put my nose!" "I'm sorry, man." "Me too." "Yeah." "We're here to register for our wedding." "Oh, wonderful." "And I see we're starting with silverware." "Yes, I like this one." "No, eric, the wedding book says we can't pick the first thing we see." "Oh, well, in that case, yeah, the first one, eh." "Second one, whoo-hoo!" "All right." "Let's wrap it up, hit the food court." "Here's a small sampling from our collection-- prestige, exhilaration, and, oh, my personal favorite, brash." "Ooh." "Well, fenton, you may be surprised to learn that your personal favorite is not our personal favorite." "But, anyway, we're done." "No, eric, the wedding book says that we have to look at all the patterns." "Today is just a scouting trip." "Scouting?" "You know, I was asked to resign from the scouts." "Look, it's kind of like... okay, remember before we were together and we dated, like, all those different people before we decided on each other?" "No, not really." "No." "Eric, come on." "This is supposed to be fun." "Okay, look at the groom in this picture." "What is the difference between you and him?" "Um, he's a cartoon?" "No, he is smiling." "Yeah, because he's a cartoon." "Look, these are all the forks I have here." "I'll have to bring the rest up from storage." "I guess I'll need a forklift." "Oh. (Chuckles) whoo." "Oh, I made a funny." "(Laughs) well, it's A... it's a good thing we have all day." "All day?" "Wh" "I'm not spending all day in a department store." "I'm gonna turn into him." "Okay, um, you're not as far away as you think." "Okay, that's it." "I'm going to the sporting goods department." "Hmm, men." "You can't live with 'em... well, you can." "But you have to keep quiet about it." "That 70's show S06E18 Hangin' out" "That 70's show S06E18 down the street the same old thing" "that you did last week" "Captured by Raceman in Canada not a thing to do" "Captured by Raceman in Canada but talk to you" "(man) hello, wisconsin!" "Reading another one of your dirty girl books?" "They're not dirty, they're romantic." ""Mutiny from behind."" "Yeah." "The mutiny sneaks up on her." "I don't think that's what it means." "Well, it is a wonderful book." "It's got pirates and action." "Oh, oh, oh!" "It has this hilarious parrot that says the most inappropriate things." "(Reading) "the pirate's vessel" ""slowly sailed into the harbor of san sebastian island." ""His saucy prisoner's alabaster breasts" ""heaving with every motion "of the tall, rigid ship."" "San sebastian island." "I think I killed some commies there." "I just spent six hours registeringfor wedding gifts." "The only reasonI'm here now is I pretended to chokeon ice cream." "I'll let you inon a little secret for when you're shoppingwith women." "Always pick the ugliest,worst choice, and you're off the hook." "That's how I got out ofshopping for this couch." "There was an uglier couchthan this?" "The one I pickedhad dragons on it." "Wow, you're sneaky." "You know, you act likeyou're all about brute force, but you'rea finesse player, man." "Trust me, son." "Don't budge untilyou hear the magic words, "oh, I'll justdo it myself."" "You're done registeringalready?" "You men, you just don't knowhow to shop." "You know, your fatheronce tried to get me to buy a couchwith dragons on it." "Yeah..." "I guessI'm just bad at it." "(Neil diamond) I'd much rather be forever in blue jeans, babe" "what do you thinkof this fork?" "Donna, I thinkall this stuff is too ordinary for us,you know?" "Let's get somethingbejeweled." "Who are you--liberace?" "Yes." "I'm liberace." "Eric, this wedding is-- hey, guys.What's up?" "Oh, hey." "We werejust talking about slutty cheerleadersin other schools." "You never wantto talk about that." "Well, I've finallycome around, darling." "Oh!" "Are thosewedding gift catalogs?" "Damn it." "For our wedding, steven and I--jackie, no." "Steven, we have to--no." "A good bride and groom--that's it." "You're done." "Now why didn't someonedo that five years ago?" "She used to bite." "Now this, okay, this is whatI'm talking about." "That's a nice fork." "Eric, the handleis an actual deer hoof." "Yeah, that'sthe cherokee collection." "Donna,that's the indian way." "They kill the animal, then eat itwith its own paw." "Okay, you know what?" "I have a new plan." "I'll just go shopping, and then I'll show youwhat I pick." "So I don't getto go at all?" "Um, no." "I'll just..." "I'll just do itby myself." "Yeah..." "I guessI'm just bad at it." "(Reading) "after throwing the evil pirate king overboard," ""the duke turned to lady daphne," ""pulled his sword from its sheath" ""and held it erect." ""Lady daphne touched it tentatively," ""and a shudder went through the duke."" "So you likethose books, too, mr." "Red." "All right, fine.So you know." "But you tell one person,and so help me god, I will chop downwhatever tree you live in." "So I was daydreaming duringthis civil rights lecture at the police academy, and I came up with a great ideafor an invention-- adult strollers." "Why walk when someonecan push you?" "Kelso,that's a wheelchair." "All right, it's official." "Everything's been thought of!" "All right, what do you thinkof this fork?" "Whoa." "No, no, no,no, no, no, no." "You're not gonnarope me into that." "Just make eric do it." "No, eric's bannedfrom doing it." "He actually wanted me to eat dinnerwith bambi's foot." "What is this,the cherokee collection?" "Oh, well, he pickedthe ugliest one so you wouldn'tmake him go shopping." "It's classic." "I knewsomething was fishy." "He's terrifiedof indians." "Oh, he's gonna payfor this." "He thought he hada bad time the other day?" "He doesn't knowwhat a bad time is." "I am gonna stophaving sex with him." "Oh, crap,I already did that." "All right, look,I hate to sell him out, but the poor kidlacks subtlety." "He'S... eric'S... how do I put...oh, he's a bit of a rube." "You know, like,a little country." "A maroon, if you will." "Kelso,what's your point?" "Well, I'm just sayingyou could do better." "I mean, I'm here,you're here." "(Whispers)nobody has to know." "Kelso!" "Okay, fine,you can tell two friends." "So I invested $11 in kelso'sadult stroller idea." "I'm going to bea millionaire." "Really?" "So, uh,if I buy one, like, who's gonnapush me around?" "Trained bears." "Kelso's got itall figured out." "I'm just the money man." "Hey, guys,where's donna?" "I found this place that etches your silhouetteon your china." "Oh, we are so doing thatwhen we get married." "Steven, people can eatright off my face." "Then guesswho's coming to dinner." "Jackie, you'redriving me insane." "Look, I want youto make me a promise." "You will not talkabout weddings or anything wedding-related in or aroundthe united states." "Fine, I won't talkabout weddings or anything wedding-related in or aroundthe continental united states." "Not the continentalunited states." "We're talkinghawaii and alaska, too." "Fine, but if we'reever in canada, I am going nuts!" "Eric, bad news." "A deejay at the radio stationgot sick, so I have to coverhis shift all week." "I'm not gonna be ableto register for wedding gifts." "Oh, no." "Well, I guesswe'll just have to live with whatever forkscome in the mail willy-nilly." "Well, actually, you're gonna have to shop for everything." "Wait, wait.Back up here." "Who are you callingwilly-nilly?" "Look, uh, donna,I can't shop." "I have horrible taste,remember?" ""I guessI'm just bad at it."" "You are almost unbelievably bad at it." "And that's why" "I've decided jackiewill go shopping with you." "Ohh!" "Yay!" "No, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no." "You promised hyde that you wouldn't doany more wedding stuff." "Yeah, but here'sthe thing about me--I lie." "So today we'll belooking at crystal." "You see howall the different colors intermingle withoutany judgment?" "Hmm, see that?" "Yeah, okay, move over,tony randall." "I'm in charge." "Today we'll be lookingat china." "I see you letthe redhead go." "I can't sayi'm an expert on women, but I thinkyou traded up." "(Chuckles) okay, I will lay outfour possible choices." "You will thenchoose your favorite." "I will disregard that... and choose the correct one." "So what will lbe doing?" "Oh, you will beholding my purse and eating candy." "All right." "Here, makethe sugar daddy last." "Oh, if only someone had given me that advicefour years ago." "This spice rackis a real mess." "It's like someonegot drunk and put everythingout of order." "I mean, cayenne pepper,cumin, celery salt?" "It's insanity." "(Bombastic orchestramusic playing)" "oh, duke," "I'd like to show youmy coconuts." "Well, give me a minuteto raise my mast, and then we canreally make some waves." "Not so fast!" "If anyone's making wavesaround here, it's me." "I'm trained in judo,hapkido and karate." "I can also talk about youbehind your back." "When it gets back to you,it'll really sting." "So prepare to die." "Aah!" "(Water splashes)" "(bombastic orchestramusic playing) you know, kitty,eric's not home." "We have the whole upstairsto ourselves." "Woulda been thinking about thatthe whole time." "Okay." "I got another invention." "Bicycles with engines." "That's a motorcycle." "Okay, fine.Bicycles without engines." "That's a bicycle." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it'sgot the chair on it." "And we're back to wheelchair." "Okay, eric just called, and he'shaving fun shopping." "All right, with me,it's torture, but when I send him topick out wedding gifts with j" "pick out wedding giftswith who?" "Um... jehoshaphat." "Remember himfrom school?" "He was always... you know, jumping." "You sent forman out to dowedding stuff with jackie?" "Look, I had to punish him,and what better way than to make himspend the day with jackie?" "Yeah,she's got you there." "I mean, your girlfriendis annoying." "Plus, I used to do itwith her all the time." "So that's gotta hurt." "Man, I thought I had this wedding craptaken care of." "Now I gotta godown to the mall." "Ah, and "three's company"is about to start." "This day'sgone all to hell!" "(Gasps) what happenedto my favorite blouse?" "A lady never talks about what happensin the bedroom." "Ah, looks like redpicked up some tricks from the dukein "mutiny from behind."" "He readmy dirty girl book?" "Yes, I caught him." "Ironically, from behind." "See, eric, this isthe perfect tux for you." "It makes you look likeyou actually have shoulders." "You know, i do look like I have shoulders." "Mm-hmm." "Why are you wearinga wedding dress?" "Oh, I do thisevery week." "(Donna) what the hell?" "I cannot believewhat I'm seeing." "I know.Look, shoulders." "Eric, this wassupposed to be our time." "Donna, wait." "Okay, steven,I know I promised I wouldn't doany wedding stuff, and I know you'reprobably really mad, so just go ahead and yell.You're beautiful." "Oh, my god." "You like mein a wedding dress, which means that someday,we're gonna get married, which means that ican talk about it." "Oh, steven!" "Okay,I want a spring wedding, outsidewith white doves." "And I want the sunto be setting behind me so I have a halo,kind of like an angel." "Oh, and then wild mustangs can take us toour honeymoon in hawaii!" "Oh, but your familycan't come." "Oh, you know what?" "You can run,but you can't hide." "I know where you live!" "Donna..." "what's the matter?" "You picked a deer-foot fork just to get outof shopping with me." "Oh, too obvious, huh?" "Yeah, no one wantshairy silverware." "I just don't understandhow you could have more fun with jackiethan with me." "I don't know." "I mean, you know,she doesn't ask me questions." "She just tells mewhat to do." "It's a strangekind of freedom, but I know whythe caged bird sings, donna." "So you're sayingthe way to handle you is just take awayyour free will and order you around?" "Donna, that's the wayI was raised." "Eric, I can'ttell you what to do because I don't evenknow what to do." "I mean, that's whyi got that stupid book." "I hate that book.Kelso was right." "Reading just gets youinto trouble." "Forks don't matterto me, eric." "I mean, they don'T." "They don'T." "In 20 years, food's just gonna bea little pill anyway." "Look, let's just do this whole wedding thingour way." "Yes." "What's our way?" "I don't know." "Maybe we should ask jackie." "(Laughs) you're backwith that one?" "Good luck."