"and about Kartofsky..." "Packed his bags, crossed the wall, closed the door behind him." "Well, wouldn't you?" "Humiliated in front of 10 million viewers." " We can't hush it up this time." " This time?" "It's not the fiirst incident." "Sneezing powder at government receptions, plastic spiders, and something outrageous in a diplomat's bed." "Not even the House of Lords was spared." "a whoopee cushion." "Taken as a vote of sanction." "They're very childish, but damaging." "and you're expecting trouble tonight." "It's an oil treaty, isn't it?" "If anything goes wrong..." "What could go wrong?" " So much for the treaty." " a very poor joke." "and costly. £50 million in oil concessions, foot." "Who's behind these incidents?" "We suspect the honorable John Cleverly Cartney." "He's always there when a function misfiires." "Either before, during, or after." "I'm going to look up his friend, Lord Darcy." " and honorable John?" " He's all yours." "Come in, Darcy." "We're quite alone." "You can talk." "I rang." "I heard you playing." "Mrs. Peel." "Mrs. Emma Peel." "Mrs.?" "I'm here to appeal to you." "You certainly do." "a charity appeal, Mr. Cartney." "John." " Would you like a drink?" " No, thank you." "You were saying?" "I'm collecting for charity." "Do I have your support?" " Yes, 500 guineas." " Mr. Cartney!" "1000." "Your eyes are so deep." "Will you dine with me?" "1000 guineas is most generous." "Tomorrow?" "Name the time." "I'm sorry, I'm busy." "But I'm most grateful for you donation... now." "Very deep." "You haven't changed your mind?" "I'd reserve at the George V." "We'd catch a plane to Paris this afternoon and dine there." "I am busy, but thank you..." "for the donation." "What charity is it?" "a home for wayward girls." "John!" " I thought you were alone." " Mrs. Peel, Lord Darcy." " How do you do?" " How do you do?" " John..." " Yes, of course." "Will you excuse us?" "Some rather dreary business." "I was leaving." " Well?" " I went there." " I did everything you said." " all is ready?" "Yes, ready." "Willy will tell you." "There was no hitch at all." "Excellent." "Well done, Darcy." "Thank you, John." "Go now." "We'll meet later." "It's going to be quite a joke, isn't it?" "Yes, quite a joke." "Horace!" " How do I look?" " Lovely, sir." " Will you dine here?" " I don't know." "I'll be back later." "That's all I know." "all right, sir." "Hey!" "Rubber scissors." "What do you think?" "Couldn't make a paper dolly." "How did you like Cartney?" " He gave me 1000 guineas." " Really?" " Charity donation." " Generous." "Handsome." "Dynamic." "Compelling." "Quite fascinating." "We got on rather well." "aside from that, did you learn anything?" "No, but he'd made a most puzzling diary entry." " What did it say?" " "Today. 4:30." "Friendship."" "Friendship..." "The Hall of Friendship, dedicated to peace." "Yes!" "It's being opened today." "at 4:30 some big wig is to cut the tape." "Nowthe ceremonial scissors which his Excellency will use to cut this tape." "Help!" "I've lost the picture." "The aerial." "The scissors were forged for the occasion, in steel from Wales..." " How much further?" " about half a mile." "It's starting." "Let's hope we're in time." "Silence falls over the Hall of Friendship as the scissors are presented." "They are accepted." "In a few seconds it will be over." "His Excellency will cut the tape and the Hall will be open." "He is moved by the solemnity of the occasion." "He moves to the tape." "He pauses." "The speeches are over." "The moment approaches." "The scissors are raised..." "His Excellency has fallen!" "Sparks fly!" "Something's wrong!" "Back to the studio." "It's no joke anymore." "Mr. Darcy!" "My lord... you're all wet." "Let's get this off." "There." "You'll catch a chill." "You're soaked, sir!" "Were you walking in the rain?" "Were there no taxis?" "Don't worry, a cup of cocoa..." "You all right, sir?" "I'll get that cocoa for you." "The phone." " Hello." " John..." "It's Darcy." "I must see you." "I can't, I'm rather busy." "I must!" "I've told you I'm busy." "I'm afraid it can't wait." "If you have a complaint, make it at the meeting, tonight." "a cup of hot cocoa, sir." " Take it away." " Sir?" "I'm going to my club." " I'll air your costume." " No." "My club in town." "Take the evening off." "Yes, sir." "Darcy and Cartney are involved." "We don't knowthat for sure." "I'll fiind Darcy, get him talking." "Use your charm on Cartney." "all right." "Now." " I have to get ready." " Johnny..." "Insatiable, aren't you?" "You don't have to go yet." "I've told you:" "when I give an order, obey it." "Lord Darcy, isn't it?" "Nice to see you again!" "We met at a very boring party given by Lady..." "Her corgies ravaged some fellow's plum trees while he played the flute to chase the bees from his asparagus." " Yes, I think..." " Of course." "Forgive me, but..." "you don't look up to par." "What have you been up to?" "I'm looking for Mr. Cartney." "He isn't here." "I'll tell him you called." "I'd rather wait." "He's too busy to see you." "I'm expected." "Mrs. Peel!" " This is a surprise!" " Half expecting." " This is Miss Bradley." " How do you do?" " If you're busy..." " Not at all." "No reason you shouldn't stay." "It might amuse you." "It's a club I formed." "We're meeting tonight." "What sort of club?" "Slightly unusual." "Why don't you come see?" "I ought not to tell this." "We're old friends, aren't we?" "It was a joke." "Rubber scissors." "Just a joke." "You were to exchange the scissors." "No, that was Willy's job." "I just got him in there." " How did you manage?" " My uncle was on the committee." "I pinched his keys." "My job was to let Willy in." "It was just a joke, that's all." "I didn't want to kill anyone." "Why did you play the joke anyway?" "What was the idea?" "Darcy!" " Why did you play the joke?" " I had to." "Everyone has to." "It's a rule of the club." "What club?" "The Hellfiire Club." "Hellfiire..." "Gentlemen!" "Hellfiire!" "Hellfiire!" "May it scorch and singe!" "Burn and broil!" "Seethe and scald!" "Combust and crackle!" "Until we are enflamed." " Roasted." " Toasted." "Grilled." "and cauterized." "Until our bones crumble into the demonic heat, that Hades, that realm of Pluto... that unblessed limbo... that purgatory... that pit... that thanatos ." "Gentlemen!" "Hellfiire!" "Hellfiire!" "Let the wenching begin!" "Cartney, what have you there?" "a new wench for us?" "This is my guest of honour." "My lords Cardigan, Ragsland and Lincoln." "Madame, I pledge this blade to thee." " Pray thee, sit down." " Sit down." "Willy, what manners!" "Would you care to teach him better?" "Willy's our champion." "Sabres, swords, pistols." "He's come through many a duel." " Haven't you?" " Pray, sit down." "You're too kind." " I'm an awful nuisance." " Not at all." "You'd do the same for me." "You'd never need it." "You don't make an ass of yourself." "Get some rest." "Do you think I had a hand in the murder?" "I think you were duped." "You know... talking to you has helped me." "I know what I have to do." " I'm grateful." " We'll talk later." "First I'll give you my patent hangover cure." "I call it "National anthem"." "It'll get you on your feet." "One dose of this..." "I try to recreate the original Hellfiire Club." "Its atmosphere, excitement, and its pleasures, of course." "a man lived by his sword, his wit, and his birthright." "and women?" "Vessels of pleasure." "I see." "Do you disapprove?" "Cartney!" "Cartney!" " I want to see you." " See me then!" "You used me." "You planned the whole thing." "The scissors were an excuse!" " Shut up!" " I will not shut up." " I want to talk." " all right." "But at the proper time." "I'll call a meeting." "Now." "I call a meeting of the superior members." "Excuse me." "Do you realize what it means to challenge the superiors?" "Superiors!" "Nonsense!" "Enter the Circle of Justice." "all right..." "But if you think..." "The assembly of superiors is present." "Complainant, state your name." "You know my name." "Will you please state your name?" "Look, I'm not playing anymore silly games." "I just want an explanation." "Why you," "Cartney... and the rest plotted a murder?" "a fiilthy murder!" "Involving me!" "Well?" "Why?" "I just thought you'd like to explain before I go to the police." "Well?" "Why?" "all right." "He wasn't a bad chap." "Misguided, perhaps." "He was drowned." "They did it." "Cartney and his superiors." " What about this club?" " a recreation of the original." "On the surface, dressing up, play acting." " Underneath..." " When can I join?" "Right now, perhaps." "Mrs. Peel..." " Paying his last respects." " You knew Lord Darcy?" "a little." " Tragic accident." " Yes." "We warned him, but in vain." "Bad timing too." "He'd been telling me about your club." "I told him you could help." "Come tonight, and see what they say." "Gentlemen!" "Tonight, we initiate a new member." " Do we know him?" " Mrs. Peel does." "That's good enough." " He must be examined." " Of course." "Who is he?" "Steed." "John Steed." "He's outside." "Willy?" "Good evening, gentlemen." "Welcome to the Hellfiire Club." "Do you still wish to become a member?" "I do indeed." " Do you know its purpose?" " More or less." "We believe in the power of evil." "We believe in ultimate sins." "Have you ever committed an ultimate sin?" "No." "I'm open to suggestions." "Give our guest a drink." "In the goblet for special guests." "Right." "To the brim!" "We mustn't give the impression we are ungenerous." "Perish the thought." "We always drink a toast to a new member." "We drain our glasses to his honour." "Hellfiire!" "Hellfiire!" "Hellfiire!" "Gentlemen!" "Do you mind?" "The drive made me thirsty." "You've made yourself popular." "Good." "all that remains is to welcome you as a member..." " absolutely!" " How do you do?" "Ragslan's the name." "...after the ultimate test." "Cartney, usually..." "Mr. Steed won't object." " Not at all." " Whatever it may be?" " Whatever." " Fetch it." "Observe." "a single, solitary, dried pea." "Roger is an expert with that." "His accuracy and speed are admirable." "Watch." "Ready?" "Now!" " Impressive." " Very." "Fast and accurate." "Very accurate." "Could you beat him?" "and move this pea before the axe falls?" "That's the test." "On my signal." "I think Roger is unbeatable." "So does Willy." "He tried once." "a bet." "Will you be luckier?" "Remove that..." "Exactly." "Do you withdraw?" "No, no!" "Ready, Roger?" "Ready?" "On my signal." "Now!" "Well done." "Do you mind?" "I'll use it in my whistle." " Thank you." " Very clever!" " Welcome!" " It's a pleasure." "I should've tried that." " Bravo, you're one of us." " Thank you." " Tomorrow's the Night of all Sins." " The Night of all Sins?" " I hope you'll join us." " Count on it." "Now let's move on to the fiinal item on the agenda." "So far our plan has taken effect." "We've embarrassed the government, cause much unrest and,most importantly, upset negotiations." "So far so good." "The time has come for more." "a coup so outrageous the whole country will rise up." "Simple, direct..." "and deadly." "We act tomorrow night." "Tomorrow?" "But that's..." "Yes." "The party will cover up the whole operation." "I'll give details then." "Be here a half hour before our guests." "Your box." "Intact, save a pinch or two." " are you ready?" " Coming." "Waiting for a man to dress!" "You're judging by 20th century standards." "But 200 years ago..." " Odd bodkins!" " admire." "It's what the fashionable rake is wearing this year." "The discomfort of an upright posture." "You're uncommon handsome, ma'am." "Indeed." "Thank you." "What will happen?" "The Night of all Sins." "Something big is brewing." "More!" "away with you, on with you!" "I'm glad I don't live upstairs." " Sarah!" "Come on." " Tommy, no!" "anything suspicious?" "Suspicious, no." "Sarah might know something." "Where's Cartney?" "Haven't seen him." "Steed!" "Followthat chair." "Careful." "They've enough explosives to sink a battleship." "So glad you could come." "You look lovely, but it's not what I had in mind." "These ladies will fiind you something more appropriate." "I'd rather..." " Enjoying yourself?" " I was." "There you are!" "I thought you'd run off and left me." "Everybody leaves me." "But you won't." "You'll look after me." "Indeed I will." "It's fabulous, isn't it?" "azact..." "an exact rep... replica of the original Hellfiire Club." "In every way!" "That's what John says." " What did he say?" " I told you." "Exact replica, in every way." "What did he mean?" "about the Hellfiire Club..." "You dance divinely." "What did John say about the club?" "You know the original Hellfiire Club." "Formed in 1759, parties like this, attracted influential men..." "Became politically powerful, the Club... controlled the country." "Took over the government." "That's what John says." "You're too intellectual." "I want a drink." "How does John say he would topple the government?" "I told you!" "Tunnels." "Under here." "Catacombs, tunnels." "Well..." "One of them leads to Calverston House." " You've heard of it." " Yes." "There's a cabinet meeting tonight." "Not for long." "One big bang and..." " they're all gone." " Excuse me." "My lords!" "Ladies and gentlemen!" "Midnight approaches." "The witching hour!" "as a sign of it, the symbol of evil itself, the epitomy of this Night of Sins," "I give you the Queen of Sin." "Mrs. Peel!" "She is yours!" "To do with what you will!" " That's the man!" " What man?" " The man at Lord Darcy's." " He's right." "Gentlemen, we have a spy among us." "You knowthe penalty." "But we lack no sense of fair play." "You'll have your chance against Willy." "You choose the weapons." "Feather dusters at 400 yards!" "Swords!" " You choose the time." " Right now." " Here." " No holds barred." " No interference?" " To the death." "The terms are agreed." "Horace will be your second." " Thank you." " With pleasure, sir." "To the death." "No holds barred." "Very impressive." "What are you like with big boys?"