"RECEPTIONIST:" "Good morning." "Dynamic Progressive Systems." "Please hold." "It's not a small thing." "5% is a lot." "If you've managed a household with kids and stuff... 5% is a lot." "You know what, Dan?" "Just walk with me." "No." "I don't care if everyone hears us." "You really wanna do this here?" "You do?" "I don't wanna be doing it at all, Chuck." "It's just that we had terms, and now you're changing those terms again." "We are restructuring the department salaries." "That's just the bottom line." "That's the way it is." "I know it's not what you want to hear." "Dan, just walk with me." "A little annoying." "What?" "It's just a little annoying." ""Walk with me." You say that a lot." "It's stuff like that you say, you know." "That's why Brian Peters wrote "You're an asshole"" "on your parking curb thing." "What the fuck, Dan?" "I'm sorry." "Do you really wanna challenge me in public, Dan?" "This was my best year." "I am an asshole, Dan, because I have to make decisions to keep the company strong." "You make a living from this company." "You're replaceable, frankly." "If you were to leave, Dynamic would continue." "So, don't minimize my company's interests." "Now, if you would please, as I said before, walk with me." "We can discuss this in my office." "Chuck, just because you caught me... which is, granted, a pretty big feat... in a trust fall at the company retreat... which you make us all go to... and that I don't like, by the way, that nobody here really likes." "Nobody does." "Right, Russell?" "I like them." "Russell is a team player." "DAN:" "Russell is a beaten-down dog." "You're Mr. Negative." "Are you making less?" "I'm a sales manager, Dan." "You want a bigger slice of the pie, start your own company." "Oh, I've been thinking about it." "Everybody thinks about it... but don't bitch when the people who actually do it... pay themselves what they deserve." "I have been in airports for two days, preparing a deal for you." "I came in here just to get a bagel, because I haven't had a meal since Tuesday." "And then, you tell me I'm gonna have to take 5% less this year?" "I don't want new terms, Chuck." "I want to be able to see my kids sometimes." "The old "kid" card." "(LAUGHS) Strong." "I'm gonna do it." "Really?" "You're gonna go up against me and Dynamic?" "Yeah." "I will see you in the field." "You should look for me." "Because I'll be the guy in first who's happy." "I think you're better off for me than against me, Dan." "Well, I actually have my own ideas on how to do this job." "It doesn't involve any of that "trust fall" shit." "Okay." "Game on." "Game on." "By the way, anyone here wanna join me?" "There's a lot of great people here." "How about it?" "Come on." "Any of you guys wanna build a total starship with me?" ""Starship"?" "Yeah, I'm just riffing, here." "I wasn't planning on founding my own company here today... but if anyone wants to play a key role... in a new mineral sales company that does it the right way... then walk through that door with me," "because there is a place for you." "Guys!" "Men!" "We're doing this." "Doing what?" "Boarding the starship." "Starting this new adventure together." "Uh, I'm just walking to my car." "Because I just got let go... because of some mandatory age limit." "Oh." "Do you still wanna work?" "Well, I'm just 67." "Yeah!" "I'm not the Crypt Keeper." "All right, great!" "Come work with me." "We'll drop these guys." "Yeah!" "Let's drop these pussies!" "Right!" "Look at us." "We're standing here." "We're synergizing already." "I'm excited." "Thank you." "How about you, young buck, huh?" "Are you starshipping with us?" "Yeah." "What did you do at Dynamic?" "Uh..." "Um..." "No." "I don't work there." "You just walked out of there." "Well, I interviewed." "But you got a box with office belongings." "Yeah." "I brought it to the interview to show confidence." "Do you have any sales experience?" "Yes, I do." "Great." "Foot Locker." "And reasons for leaving?" "I don't like feet." "But I do like people." "I'm good with people." "It's for real, it's true." "Do you work hard?" "Yeah." "Like, what's "hard"?" "(STAMMERING) The hardest." "Don't just say it because you think I want to hear it." "No, it's true." "Whatever you need." "All right." "If you're willing to try, I'll turn you into an animal." "Hop in." "Come on, young buck, we're doing it." "I'm willing!" "Let's go." "All right." "Let's hit Dunkin' Donuts, and we'll launch this thing." "Good." "I know we've had a little dry spell... but I'm proud to announce that we got this deal." "Bill said, "Fly up, let's shake hands."" "Fuck, yes!" "(LAUGHING)" "Oh, excuse me." "I'm sorry about the "fuck."" "I get to go on a trip?" "Yeah." "Overnight?" "Is this your first business trip, Mike?" "Yeah." "You didn't have any Foot Locker business trips?" "No." "They would all just come to me." "Yeah." "All right, we're going on a trip." "Will things happen?" "Like, explers?" ""Explers"?" "Yeah." "Can you use it in a sentence?" ""We're gonna go on a business trip and have explers."" ""Exploits"?" "Exploits." "No, there won't be any exploits." "Just up and back." "I got too much stuff at home." "You can have them, after we close the deal." "Is it just us going up there, or are they bringing up a fluffer?" "Just us, free and clear." "What's a "fluffer"?" "When a company wants to do a sweetheart deal with a friend or something... they generally pretend to negotiate with another company, right to the end." "Just to make it look legit." "Well, this one's all ours." "Come on." "Tomorrow, we are going on a business trip." "Let's go close this thing." "Go get them, Dan." "I feel good about this one." "You got a strong number set." "I appreciate that, Don." "You've been here since the beginning." "After we close this, we're gonna get an actual office." "Hey, Paul we need to talk." "I'm headed off to Portland." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to surprise you." "Everything all right?" "I'm doing stuff." "That's cool." "Lookit, "doing stuff" is natural." "Dad..." "I used to "do stuff."" "I used to "do stuff" three times a day." "And I still "do stuff."" "(SOFTLY) Dad." "I don't "do stuff" as much as I used to... (LAUGHS) because now I'm tired from doing other stuff." "But there's no crime, here." "There's not gonna be a trial." "Nothing happened." "I don't even know what we were talking about." "When I was your age... we used to get these magazines for my sisters... that would be like a lingerie or swimsuit..." "No, that's not..." "But now you go online, you see a clown fuck an alpaca." "I don't watch that, Dad." "It's not a big deal." "It's just an easy thing." "I want you to get back to doing it, but you should do it in the bathroom... because you can't lock this door." "And your sister could walk in and it's no good." "So, just do it somewhere else, okay?" "Yeah." "Just keep a lid on it." "Like a gentleman does." "A gentleman celebrates his body." "You know that Walt Whitman poem, "Song of Myself"?" "We don't need to talk about it anymore." "It's a song." "Walt Whitman, he celebrates his body." "You're celebrating your body." "So, I don't think it's a big deal." "Okay." "I'm gonna be back tomorrow." "I'm just going up for the handshake." "And when I come home... you are gonna come out of this room for a little bit... and me and you, just me and you, we're gonna hang out." "Okay, you're hugging me." "I don't know what's going on with your hands." "Get back to the computer." "Bye, Dad." "Bye." "(SIGHS)" "Can we deal with the whole private school thing today?" "Do you mean, like the pros and cons?" "No, we did the pros and cons." "It was all pros." "I meant paying for it." "You know I'm leaving, right?" "Portland, for the handshake." "I have 20 minutes to pack." "Yeah." "Remember we were gonna talk to Paul today, though... about why he's been so withdrawn." "Can we FaceTime that?" "Can it be today?" "Yeah." "This is the big one." "When are you back?" "Tomorrow, before dinner." "We just gotta go there and shake hands." "It's all done." "What do you got going today?" "I was probably going to go to work, and then maybe raise our children." "Sounds good." "Wait, eat!" "I have to put these reports in my power spread." "Men over 40 can suffer from fainting spells if they skip meals... and have high stress levels, and poor muscle tone." "I have to pack." "Hey, Dad." "Hey." "Are you going on a trip?" "I am, yeah." "You wanna help me out, here?" "I'll show you what I always bring with me." "Space for my running gear here." "Book goes here." "That's all you do on your business trips?" "Read and run?" "Yep." "And do business." "Grab some running gear out of the closet and help me pack." "Okay." "Love you." "Can I ask you a question before you go?" "Honey, my plane's gonna..." "Is it a little question?" "Kind of." "Okay, yeah." "What is your little question?" "When I go to school, I don't like to go to school at all." "It makes my stomach hurt." "The jokes hurt my feelings." "I cry in the bathroom, and pretend to poop for..." "I don't know, two hours." "That's not even..." "Is that a question?" "Okay." "I know that school can be hard, honey." "But you gotta go, or you'll be a moron." "Did you do my daddy homework thing?" "Yes, I have not." "But I'm tweaking it in my mind, and I will figure it out on my trip." "DAN"." "Okay, I have two seconds, here." ""Your daddy."" "Why is this so hard?" ""Your daddy is..."" "I pretty much just work these days, sorry." "Selling swarf." "That's metal residue left over after the construction of large objects... like the Golden Gate..." "Never mind, it's fucking boring." "Anyway, Daddy's been working to get the starship off the ground." "That's from a team-building thing." "Our version." "We went to the batting cages." "I thought it was a good place... to teach the guys about being aggressive and taking what's yours." "Crowding the plate, in a business sense." "But we nailed a big deal, and we're travelling today... in the time-honored ritual of the handshake." "Which is good, because it's been a down year, swarf-wise." "I really need this deal." "I'm stalling like a freak on this private school thing... because I can't afford it without this handshake." "And I don't want your mom to know." "But she's gonna catch me soon because she's smarter than I am." "Probably, that's not what you're looking for." "Why do males go on a business trip?" "To bring home the kill, and dig the night." "Going to Portland, Timothy, not Vegas." "And aren't you 72?" "I'm 67." "What do you mean, "bring home the kill"?" "Traditionally, even way back... guys would leave their caves with a pointy stick or something." "Go out, get it done, bring it home." "And the, "dig the night" part?" "Well, then they'd stay on a little longer than they needed to... and fuck around a little bit." "Traditionally." "Holy shit." ""Trunkman, Daniel."" "I'm next on the upgrade list, boys." "I've flown 31 times this last year making this goddamn deal." "Never once have they ever said, "Daniel Trunkman."" "Say "Daniel Trunkman." Come on." "Say it." "Danielle Trunkman." "Yes!" "WOMAN:" "Hi." "DAN:" "It's "Daniel," not "Danielle."" "(WOMAN LAUGHS) DAN:" "Thank you very much." "I'm gonna go obviously to the front." "You guys go around the back." "Please." "Thank you, sir." "FLIGHT ATTENDANT:" "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on board" "US Midland Airlines Flight 3257... with service to Portland, Maine." "In preparation for takeoff... all carry-on items should be placed in the overhead bins... or under the seat in front of you." "I've never been upgraded." "That's all right." "In 12 years." "That's cool." "Ordinarily, I'd like to give you my seat, like this guy did." "But I, uh..." "I can't honor you on this flight, because I have to... finish some important presentation prep... on some cap-down brokerage recaps that just need some tweaking." "But I appreciate you." "Thank you." "It is an honor to sit in front of you." "So much." "Okay, please." "I'd like you to have the seat." "Mike, can I say something to you?" "Can you not say your whole name today, sorry, um... when we meet the Benjaminson Group?" "Why?" "Because, um..." "I'm just going to be honest with you." "I think that when you say your whole name, it causes people to lose focus on... pertinent business stuff." "Why would my name cause people to lose focus on pertinent business stuff?" "Say it." "Mike Pancake." "(LAUGHING)" "TIMOTHY:" "I just forget." "So, uh, yeah." "That's all." "You can say, "Mike." Just don't say the breakfast part." "(CELL PHONE RINGING)" "FaceTime time." "Hey, Dad." "Hey, buddy." "Hey, Trunkmans." "Where have you been, Dan?" "I've been trying you for two hours." "Well, I was just in the sky, I just turned my..." "Paul was arrested." "There's a police report." "They said he was shoplifting." "What?" "I sent you an email." "Okay." "I have it open right here." ""Suspect Paul William Trunkman"" ""was detained by store security..."" ""who found on his person a five-shade palette of..."" ""Show-Stopping Eye Shadows."" "Eye shadows?" ""The shades in question are Blue Belgian Frost, Straight-Up Teal, Celeste."" "I don't understand." "Are you doing monster makeup?" "Movies with the guys?" "You mean my friends that I don't have because I'm a huge goon?" "Those guys?" "I wanted to put it on my eyes... to hang out with the kids that don't fit in." "The goth kids." "They laughed at me... because they use dark colors around their eyes... and I didn't know you were supposed to do that... and I used teal." "I can't even fit in with the kids... that don't fit in." "Tough FaceTime." "Dan, we need to talk about pulling the trigger on private school." "I think he's really isolated where he is." "And the tuition at Primmler Day Academy... is $19,000." "19 thou..." "Dan?" "Do my homework!" "Sweetie, we lost the connection." "Dad's face froze." "We're going to try him later, okay?" "Okay." "MIKE:" "Dan?" ""DAN"." "Who's your daddy?" "Your daddy is a man who is worried about your brother... because he stands out, physically." "Hello, welcome to Portland." "DAN:" "That's not easy at that age... so Dad's worried about him." "But Dad has to focus on this important meeting right now." "So, he wants to go on a run to clear his mind." "But you packed Mommy's running stuff." "Sports bra." "Scoop Me Up Tank." "Maybe, instead of running..." "I'll have a junior wine from the junior suite fridge." "Smell the roses, you know?" "Deal's done." "Just going to smell one rose, here." "A moment for Dan." "Hey, Dan." "Hey, Chuck." "Ooh." "I've got to go talk to Benjaminson." "But I will catch you later." "Cheers." "Yeah." ""DAN"." "Bill, hey." "Dan Trunkman." "I'm sorry, I'm just a little thrown." "I saw Chuck Portnoy from Dynamic Progressive Systems... and she mentioned..." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR) that she's gonna see you, Bill, also." "Urn, it was my understanding that we were done, really... that we were just going to do a walkthrough for you and shake hands." "Maid service." "Come in." "Anyway, Bill, can you give me a holler back about this?" "Thanks." "Good afternoon." "Good afternoon to you." "I'll be out of here in 15 minutes." "Oh, you live a busy lifestyle?" "I'm sorry." "Well, listen." "Sit back, relax, grab a drink... and enjoy me cleaning." "And touch yourself with your hands." "Can you say some things, while you're tidying, to me?" "I've never done this before." "(CLEARS THROAT) You know, I'm not seeing enough titty from you." "Make sure that, periodically, you turn to face me... so I can see some more titty from you." "I don't understand." "Are you saying... to privately touch... my Denis?" "Certainly." "I'd like to try being someone else for a while." "So, maybe you could call me "Tony Stark"... and talk about my iron cock?" "Tim." "Timothy?" "Yeah?" "This woman right here is an actual maid." "The sex maid you hired is in with me." "You're doing a great job." "Ok '2 Okay, ay'" "Okay- Okay" "Okay." "Now, let's stop drinking champagne." "Let's stop buying women." "And let's focus." "This deal may not be done... and, man, it is imperative that we shake hands..." "MIKE;" "Wait." "(STUTTERING) Sorry." "I don't know what that means." "What what means?" "Impera-..." "The "E" word." "I didn't say an "E" word." "Em-..." "Empera-..." "Emperlat-..." "Emperlaten?" ""Emperlaten"?" "Just stay here and don't do any more weird shit." "I'm gonna go for a run." "I need to clear my head." "Chuck's here." "I really need to run and focus right now." "Our meeting's in an hour." "I have to go." "It's "emperlaten."" "(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)" "(SINGING) I'm waking up, up on the floor, still looking perfect" "I'm walking out, out through the door, into the circus" "On a roll again" "Rock n roll again" "Yeah, yeah, yeah" "(BREATHING HEAVILY)" "BILL:" "Dan." "Dan Trunkman." "Hello, mate." "Bill." "How are you?" "Dan Trunkman from Apex Select..." "Chuck Portnoy from Dynamic Systems... who I think you know, don't you?" "I do." "Yeah." "We are competitors." "We are?" "Direct." "I guess." "I hadn't really noticed, but, okay." "Hmm." "And this is Jim Spinch." "Jim." "Hey, Dan." "How are you?" "Good, you?" "Sorry." "Sure." "Jim's my boss." "Who makes your gear?" "What kind of...?" "What's the get-up?" "Uh, Danish top." "Okay." "And the sweats are a riff on, I think, South American field slacks." "Um..." ""Machos," they're called." "Or "Machetes."" "My wife has "Machos." Or "Machetes," I don't know." "I just call them "Nancy's pants."" "Chuck just showed us... your redbook rates only make sense if we're doing buybacks." "I'm not doing buyback deals until it's out the door and we refactor market." "I just wanna be clear that those are the terms now." "So, Jim, you're opening the deal back up?" "Well, it wasn't closed quite, Dan." "So, I just wanted to hear you both under these new terms today." "Just you and Chuck, that's all." "Those pants are so tight, you'd think I could see your balls or your dick." "But I don't." "Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but it's weird." "So, are we going back to our original brokerage sets?" "In fact, is that a crease?" "No." "I don't have a crease, thank you." "A slit?" "No." "CHUCK:" "There's space." "DAN:" "There is no space." "There's actually space." "It's alarming." "DAN:" "There's clearly no space." "I'm trying to determine the..." "Jim." "Are we going to start at our first rate presentation?" "I'm giving you both a clean start." "That's it, yeah." "And you guys know each other?" "You and Chuck?" "Yeah, we've done a couple of deals." "And you came together today?" "Almost." "I came, then Jim came on my face." "But thanks for asking, Dan." "Wow." "How wonderfully brassy." "Are you guys coming inside?" "I already came inside of Jim, but thank you for asking." "Jeez, guy." "We're going to eat in here." "Wow." "Chuck, what are you doing?" "Here?" "Now?" "Chuck?" "Well, did you guys shake hands already... or was I misled about the deal being done?" "I am here to shake hands." "Oh." "So am I." "(WHISTLING)" "I hope it's clear that while there are higher upfront costs... than possibly you are used to or prefer... these are one-offs and, over time..." "DAN:" "Fuck!" "Whoa." "You all right?" "No." "I'm good, I'm good." "I just..." "I just had a stressful afternoon... and no granola." "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay." "What was the last thing I said?" "Uh, "Fuck."" "DAN:" "No." "Right before." "Oh, you were talking about having extremely high upfront costs built in." "I said "extremely"?" "You said "extremely."" "I'm going to have to call you out on that, Jim." "I didn't say "extremely" because I wouldn't characterize our..." "My legs feel a little bit like, uh, Slinkys." "Fuck." "I said that again." "I'm going to sit down." "Sit down." "Yeah." "Okay." "Mike, finish." "Sorry." "Hello." "Um, I'm Mineral Deposits Sales Director at Apex Select, Mike Pancake." "What was your last name?" "Pancake." "Like, breakfast?" "It's Greek, so..." "It's delicious." "Yum." "(LAUGHING)" "Are you Steve Toast?" "(LAUGHING)" "I know this deal is getting close to the finish line for you... but when the mineral market bottomed out in Greece, it took us all by surprise." "We gotta go back and look at our whole fourth quarter." "And Chuck and Dynamic, they brought up some interesting points... about how they could help us fourth quarter." "We weren't, you and us, quite at the handshake stage." "Well, we'll just have to disagree on that." "Maybe we didn't totally shake." "We definitely grasped one another's hands." "Now, maybe we didn't do that small pump-up-and-down thing to finish it off." "No, we didn't." "I'm here." "Let's pump, Jim." "All right." "Hold on, Dan." "What are you talking...?" "It's been a year, Jim." "(SIGHS)" "All right, Dan, look." "Here's what we're going to do." "DAN:" "Chuck's presenting to Dirk Austerlitz in Berlin." "So are we." "Jim said it wasn't necessary, but I insisted." "So, gear up." "We have to go right there tomorrow." "I thought we were done." "Yeah." "I've never made love to a woman." "I made love to my wife, but I don't love her." "She's cruel." "Didn't you just order a sex maid?" "Oh, yes, but I don't cheat." "I just observe." "But, no, my wife's the only one." "So, I want to get a divorce." "But I wanna leave her with some money." "A sufficient..." "Uh..." "And I was hoping that my commission on this deal would allow me to do that." "So I could make love just once." "Wheelbarrow position." "It is the one that I would like to explore." "That position wouldn't..." "My wife..." "She looks like a vending machine." "Over there." "She looks just like that." "Your wife's square?" "Rectangular, yes." "But vending machines are square." "That's square?" "Kind of square." "That shape there?" "Mike, did you go to college?" "I did not." "On your resume, it said that you went to Ithaca College." "No." "(STAMMERING) I didn't." "I went to a special school." "And I live in one of those homes with a lot of other guys... where they teach you how to iron your clothes and stuff." "I'm kind of like a counselor there." "I'm gonna go get a Pepsi, okay?" "I'm losing confidence in the team." "DAN:" "Your daddy is a man who is still away to shake hands... but he has to ﬂy his hand to Germany now." "[checked Paul's Facebook page." "I walked into his room yesterday." "He didn't want me to see something." "I know why now." ""Danke" is "thank you"?" "Yeah." ""Danke" is "thank you."" "Danke for talking to me." "You're very welcome." "Yeah." "DAN:" "We're down to the minute, here, Mike." "We have to get to Hamburg and back in two hours." "(AUTOMATED VOICE SPEAKING GERMAN)" "Why is the GPS in German?" "Because I asked for it in German." "Because we're in Germany." "That's not..." "It doesn't work like that." "But don't you need it to have the German information in it?" "Like the German bridges and the German streets and such." "The English would have the German streets in it, and bridges." "They would just tell you to turn right and left and shit in English... so you could understand it." "God damn it, Mike!" "(AUTOMATED VOICE SPEAKING GERMAN)" "(SIGHS)" "I can tell you what I think it means." "Yeah?" "You?" "Do you speak German?" "Well, no." "But I have a feeling." "Ah, great." "Tell me your flugelschlagen feeling, Mike." "I think it means..." ""Hey, man, you're doing great."" "Flugelschlagen." "Yeah, it's like, um..." ""Slow down and enjoy the moment,"" ""because everything's gonna be okay."" "Sounds good." "We have to be to Hamburg and back by 2:00." "So I can't flugelschlagen right now." "Why Hamburg?" "Helen Harlmann." "If I can talk her off her hard lease numbers... we can drop our margin in the deal and beat Chuck." "She knows her stuff." "(AUTOMATED VOICE REPEATING)" "What the fuck does that mean?" "See, Pancake?" "I don't know..." "Let's just get on the Autobahn." "(CARS HONKING)" "(SPEAKING GERMAN) Thank you." "I don't understand you." "I'm sure it wasn't supportive." "It's really hard to concentrate on revising my number set here, Mike." "(SPEAKING GERMAN)" "Thank you." "I'm a guest here in your land." "But thanks." "(CARS HONKING)" "Flugelschlagen." "Dan?" "Flugelschlagen." "You should probably not say any shit to me now." "For now." "MAN ON PHONE:" "Guten Morgen." "Hi, this is Dan Trunkman from Apex Select." "I was trying to reach Helen Harlmann." "MAN:" "Oh, I'm sorry." "She's taking a personal day." "DAN:" "Any chance you might be able to tell me where she is?" "Absolutely, we offer traditional shvitz." ""Steaming."" "We're kind of in a hurry, but I think I have a friend who's shvitzing." "Go on in, if necessary." "Our friend is a woman." "I was hoping maybe you could go grab her." "It's a unisex shvitz." "Go on in." "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "Boob." "Boobs." "Big boobies, coming right here." "Mike..." "It's a pleasure to meet you." "Let me just go find Helen, take my shot... and I'll meet you in the lobby in a few minutes, okay?" "Uh, wait." "Maybe we should stay." "To, uh, support you." "And maybe see some vaginas." "This is crunch time, Mike." "We can't go rolling up on her, three dudes in a suit... in a steambath." "It's intimidating." "She'll be overwhelmed." "Just for the record, I'd like to go with you and support you." "And also see nude women." "But I understand." "But I want to." "Oh, okay." "Just go ahead." "Thank you." "Okay." "Butt cracks!" "Look, two butt cracks!" "Helen?" "Yes?" "Dan Trunkman, Apex Select." "You're in my shvitz." "I apologize for that." "I have some numbers that I think would make sense for both of us." "It's a bit time-sensitive." "I hope it's worth the intrusion." "I can tell you're clearly not in a business frame of mind... so I'll keep this very simple." "We have to sweeten the package." "We're gonna see Geiger today." "So, if you drop our lease fees this year, we'll double your process fees next year." "Liar." "I mean what I say, the numbers are..." "You intruded my shvitz to give me numbers... and deceive and insult me." "I did not mean to insult you." "You're in our place of openness... and to hide your body..." "Liar." "It's very American." "Are you a shameful pilgrim?" "I might be part pilgrim." "You can bring your numbers here... but please don't bring your American prudishness." "It makes me uncomfortable." "Let's get comfortable, Helen." "I dig Europe." "In a big way." "What's not to dig?" "The Renaissance." "Sonnets." "Frescoes." "Oil paintings, paintings of women." "Gorgeous." "Paintings of big women." "Fantastic." "Why did they ever stop making those?" "I'd paint paintings of big women, if I could paint." "I know you'll be comfortable with my numbers." "And maybe now you're a little more comfortable with this old pilgrim." "Dan Trunkman." "Apex Select." "I like what I heard." "I see you brought more pilgrims." "You guys are supposed to be in the lobby." "We just came to check if you were okay." "(SOFTLY) I can see your ball sack." "I'm doing business here, Mike." "MIKE:" "Oh." "Carry on." "It seems we have an excited pilgrim." "I'm sorry." "Are boners not allowed?" "Hopefully, this is a closed deal." "Deal." "DAN:" "Fuck, yeah!" "One, two, three!" "Apex Select!" "Hell, yes!" "That's who we are!" "Let's seal this deal." "(PHONE RINGING)" "Hello?" "SUSAN:" "Dan, hey." "Hey, honey!" "What's up?" "Just on the Autobahn, hauling ass." "I miss you." "Oh, I miss you too, babe." "I miss you like..." "I'm holding the phone with my left hand, because I'm a rightie." "And my right hand's making little Dan circles..." "Speakerphone is what you're on right now." "No." "In my business car." "Hi, Susan." "Hi." "Is that Tim?" "Yeah." "We're all..." "Um, Mike's here." "Hello, Susan." "We're all here, hon." "So you can just, uh... go ahead and hold the phone with your right hand." "We are headed to the meeting." "Okay." "Well, good luck, guys." "All right." "Thank you, honey." "I'll call you in a bit." "I love you." "I like to make circles, too." "On my bike." "What the fuck?" "The fuck is that?" "Is that a fucking reindeer?" "MIKE:" "Go right at it." "It's gonna dart." "I can't stop." "I'm going a hundred miles an hour." "It's gonna dart and then you're..." "Right at it?" "MIKE:" "Right at it." "It's gonna dart." "Dart." "DAN:" "Fuck!" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "(AUTOMATED VOICE SPEAKING GERMAN)" "Have you seen, Mike... lots of reindeer darting to and fro... in St. Louis?" "No, I'm sorry." "I just imagined that I was a reindeer... and I thought about what I would do in that situation... as a reindeer-man." "DAN:" "Once we get there, we got 18 minutes to make our meeting." "Seriously, good work, guys." "Did you narrow this to 17...?" "Is that 17%?" "Did you get us $1000 of bulk order down?" "Yeah, I started working vendors yesterday." "How many did you get down?" "39." "Yeah." "What'd you do here?" "This is much better." "I figured out a way to fudge our asset charts." "Not fucked up." "Just fudged." "I really Keeblered it." "We're gonna have to haul ass, here." "So when that door opens, it's like the chute opening at the Kentucky Derby... and we're Seabiscuit." "Wait." "But we can't all be Seabiscuit." "All right." "I'm Seabiscuit." "I'll be Northern Dancer." "I like to dance." "Okay, and I'll be Fastee." "All right." "That is not a horse... 'out okay, be whoever." "Just run." "How is it a wheelbarrow again?" "It's because one person's legs is being held up." "Like wheelbarrow sticks." "(PHONE VIBRATING)" "Like the handles on a wheelbarrow." "Hang on." "Hello?" "SUSAN:" "Hey." "Hey, what's up?" "Ls everything...?" "Yes." "Sorry." "There was a bullying incident at school." "I sent you an email with a link." "Bess." "Fuck." "I'm in the waiting room." "Is she okay?" "Yes." "Can you talk to her, please?" "Hey, Dad." "Hey, Bess." "Hey, I'm in Germany, where I am for work still, a little longer." "I gotta go to this meeting in just a second... but, honey, I want you to know that I'd like to be with you now." "I bet you're feeling blue." "Yeah." "Yeah, bullies are the worst." "Their parents are assholes mostly, too." "Honestly." "Don't tell your mom that I said that." "But they grow up to have lives, Bess... without anybody being able to love them." "It's true." "I love you, honey." "Love you, too, Dad." "All right, I'll try you guys in a little bit." "Can you tell Mom?" "Okay." "Bye." "Nice touch." "Thanks, man." ""BOY"." "Wait, what'd you say?" "GIRL:" "I have a friend named Ethan." "And you're acting like... (CHILDREN CLAMORING)" "Whoa!" "Bess is beating a bully!" "GIRL:" "Get Off!" "Ow!" "Stop hitting me!" "We gotta get home, man." "Don't say your last name." "Apex Select?" "Hi." "Yeah." "It's Dan Trunkman." "Yes." "Timothy McWinters." "Hey, Mike Pan... ther." "Mike Panther." "Hi." "I was just trying to reach you." "I'm sorry." "We have to push, Mr. Trunkman," "Mr. McWinters, Mr. Panther." "Push?" "Yes, we have to push your meeting, if you please, until Friday, 11:30." "I don't please." "I'm very sorry." "There are no rooms left in the whole city." "It says that it's the G8 this week." "Oktoberfest, too." "Folsom Europe." "And the Berlin Marathon." "This week." "What's Folsom Europe?" ""Largest gay fetish street event in Europe." "25,000 people." Whoa." "(PHONE CHIMING) Orbitz." "Okay." "Yeah." "A room just opened up at this hotel." "Oh, yeah." "It looks kind of fancy, too." "It's the Dandlin Annex and the rooms are "habitable works of art," it says." "Yeah, cool." "Okay." "Okay." "Timothy, we are gonna share a room, it looks like." "It's the only one in our budget range." "It's the Industriepalast Hostel." "A youth hostel?" "Uh..." "Yes." "Uh, sorry, Dan, but how is it a wheelbarrow again?" "Just the legs are held up." "Like wheelbarrow handles, man." "Fuck!" "All right." "Sorry." "You guys wanna go over our numbers one last time tonight?" "Yeah, sure." "I met someone on the plane... and she was gonna show me around her neighborhood today." "(STUTTERING) But let's do this." "It's important." "Go." "No, Dan, really, it's not a big deal." "Mike, go." "You did a good job with your reports." "Yeah?" "They're done." "Go." "Yeah." "Go dig the night, Pancake." ""Panther." Nice on that." "Thanks, Dan." "Jungle animal." "Yeah, that's kind of how I feel here." "Alive and hunting." "Circling for the kill." "Just don't say that anymore, though." "See you, Dan." "TIMOTHY:" "Hey, Dan." "What's up?" "Dan... are you the kind of guy that... when his girlfriend is trying to blow him off, doesn't get it?" "And still does her Spanish homework... while other guys are getting the good stuff?" "What are you talking about?" "The deal-makers are here in Berlin." "They want Chuck to come to Berlin." "They say it isn't fucking necessary for us to go to Berlin." "Dan, we're the fucking fluffer." "Wrong." "Not with our numbers." "They just blew us off!" "They haven't seen our numbers, yet." "I've been working on this deal for a year." "I'm not the fucking fluffer." "This is not my first business trip!" "We're broke, Dan." "What are you talking about?" "It's worse than you think." "Two companies that owed us... they went bankrupt." "We didn't have any income in June, July." "I should have told you, but I thought this deal was gonna work." "We're gonna get this deal." "I told you, God damn it." "We're good business for them." "I'm gonna make sure they understand that." "Well, I've done some weird stuff on this trip." "I ordered a sex maid, which you should reimburse me for... because you got all the good stuff from that." "But I like you, Dan." "And I'm sorry I raised my voice... but I really need the benefits of this deal now." "My marriage is a mess." "I just..." "I just want a future that has some joy in it." "Like Fifty Shades of Grey." "Or, fuck it, I'd settle for one shade of grey." "Listen, you work for me now." "I'm gonna make sure that your hard work counts." "We are gonna get this one, Tim." "I'm ready for it." "Good." "Okay." "Tim?" "Tim?" "There's no reimbursement for the maid." "(CHUCKLES)" "CLERK:" "Can you please initial here?" "To say you acknowledge that you are staying in a habitable work of art." "Great." "I'll enjoy it." "It's been a long couple days." "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "You're too old to sleep in a room." "Okay." "Uh..." "Where can I sleep?" "You can sleep in the stairwell, in the hallway, or in the Business Centre." "Okay." "The Business Centre." "(ELECTRONIC RINGING)" "Hey, it's Dad." "So, I've been trying to reach you." "Where are you?" "Berlin." "I'm still on business." "Hey, Paul..." "I don't like the way that you're talking about yourself at all." "And that sounds like... something you heard someone else say about you." "That's not something that you should call yourself, ever." "You know, I say it all the time, but..." "I'm your biggest confidant." "You can tell me stuff that no one else needs to know." "I think you're being teased, and I want you to know you're not alone." "Who are those people?" "What people?" "Behind you." "What is this shit?" "What the fuck are you do..." "Hello?" "This is creepy." "I'm trying to have a call, here." "What the fuck is this shit?" "(PEOPLE MURMURING)" "(AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING)" "Can I have curtains?" "No." "Well, I'd really like them." "Curtains." "You don't have a private room." "You have an installation room." "Can I have another room?" "No." "We are a museum, not a hotel." "Can you call another hotel?" "No." "It's October, in Berlin." "There are no other rooms." "Don't worry about curtains." "You are art." "I'm not!" "I'm here on business." "I just wanna tweak my PowerPoints and do my stomach crunches... and sleep." "It's not art." "Well, who can say?" "I can." "It's my life." "Don't look." "It's up to them to choose what they look at." "Just be yourself." "Okay." "I'll be myself." "But I'm gonna Yelp you guys." "Probably not gonna be good." "(NOISY CONVERSATIONS)" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "(SINGING) Try to tell you all about it" "Thought you might've, Lord, I doubt it" "Every day's a waste, I know And every day's a funeral" "And it's days like this that burn me" "Turn me inside out and learn me" "Not to tell you anything" "I think I know" "Well, I think I'll tell you all that I know" "We don't have one summer vacation in our colleges." "We have many." "A few." "Three is "a few"?" "Yeah." "Three is a few." "That's right." "At the bottom of the big blue sea" "Uh..." "Does that feel good?" "For you?" "No." "Maybe we should just try to do it normal." "Because I have no idea how to do a wheelbarrow." "And my balls hurt a little." "So, maybe put me down when you get a chance." "Yeah, okay." "Sorry." "Okay." "Okay." "And it's days like this that burn me" "Turn me inside out and learn me" "And it's days like this that burn me" "Turn me inside out and learn me" "(INAUDIBLE)" "And not to tell you anything" "I think I know" "I'm looking right at monthly expenses, and the planned expenses..." "Thank you." "MAN:" "Businessman 42!" "Can I get a picture?" "42!" "DAN:" "So, today we have this down day." "Or, as we call it, a push day." "These are the days that you really have to focus." "A down day, man." "There's no dogs to walk... no kids to school." "So, you can't start drinking at 10 a.m." "on a day like this." "But you wanna own your down day." "You do not want your down day to own you." "Stay fresh." "Check in with the family." "So, I'm gonna go for a run." "Finish my daughter's little fucking homework assignment... which is driving me crazy." "I'm sorry." ""No curtains," that's what they said to me." "So, I'm being no curtains with you." "Your daddy is..." "Your daddy, honey, is a man who is concerned about you now... in addition to your brother." "Because you beat the shit out of a small Indian kid." "Maybe you're acting out because" "Daddy hasn't been home a lot this year." "But don't turn into a mean kid... or grow sad, like I think your brother has." "I don't want him to turn into some unhappy behemoth." "And it's my job to teach him the coping skills... that can help him handle that shit he's dealing with." "But I'm here in Kugelfargen fucking Park instead, wasting time... wondering if we're the fluffer company on this one." "Don't Google that." "But I think I'm almost home." "We can close this deal if we can just get in the room before Chuck closes it first." "I called motherfucking little round" "English motherfucker Whilmsley." "But he's not returning Daddy's calls." "No more down day." "Were you here earlier when I was explaining that?" "No." "It used to be a down day, but now it's a "find Bill Whilmsley" day." "I left two messages at his office, but he's not in." "Yeah, I saw that part." "It was boring." "I'm sorry, man, but I have to find him." "I have to have him see our hard numbers today... and tell us that we're not better." "Chuck is closing, it feels like that." "This motherfucker Whilmsley will not respond." "I built this deal with him for a year." "Look, I put Whilmsley's name in instagram... and we can find him, maybe, through the pics." "And then, we could fake bump into him and be like..." ""Hey, Bill, what a coincidence." "It's Mike Pancake."" "Like that." "Good idea." "Don't say the last part." "Tell me if he posts something." "Mr. McWinters?" "Hey." "It's me, Kelf." "From the hostel." "Oh, hi!" "Hi, how are you?" "I got your ecstasy, right here." "Oh, thank you." "Enjoy it." "Have a nice trip." "They said, "Take one of these, and go dancing."" "And, "it doesn't change you, it reveals you."" "And I like that." "(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)" "He posted." "Look, Bill posted." "Check it out." "DAN:" "Where is he?" "MIKE:" "He's with dudes." "He's encircled by men." "Whoa." "This guy went really gay on his down day." ""Pampelmuse."" "It looks like he's in the middle of that Folsom Festival." "DAN:" "Bill Whilmsley?" "Do you have a PA system?" "Is it possible to say his name, so everyone can hear it?" "Bill Whilmsley?" "Bill Whilmsley?" "We're not detectives, we're just looking for our friend." "Bill Whilmsley." "He looks like kind of a grizzly bear." "(ASKING IN GERMAN)" "This is my first time at a gay bar." "No way." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Are you not gay?" "No." "But you guys are having so much fun." "MAN 13 Hello?" "(SOFTLY) Fuck." "MAN 13 Hello?" "(MAN 1 SPEAKING GERMAN)" "I don't speak German." "Shit." "MAN 1:" "I was just asking, still raining?" "No, stopped, uh..." "I don't know, 40 minutes ago." "It was good seeing you." "MAN 1:" "Hold on." "Where's the fire?" "I know where I am and I know what this is... but I didn't know when I came in here." "I came in here looking for someone." "I didn't come in here looking for, you know, dicks." "MAN 2:" "Maybe I can convince you to stay for a little bit?" "No, I was just..." "Hi, by the way." "Again, I did not come in here to be with you guys." "I was looking for someone who was in the bar earlier." "MAN 2:" "Why don't you just green eggs and ham?" "What?" "MAN 2: "You don't like them, so you say"," ""'Try them." "And you may."" "Yeah, I liked that book as a kid." "I don't remember the "sucking guys' dicks through a wall" part... but good book." "MAN 1:" "My name is Ambrose, by the way." "MAN 23:" "I'm Nils." "Whoa." "Hey, Mike?" "This is Ambrose and Nils." "MAN 2:" "What's up?" "MAN 1:" "Put her there." "It's nice to meet you." "MAN 13 Whoa!" "Houston, we have contact." "It got hard in my hand a little." "MAN 1:" "Okay, I was just kidding, but thanks!" "So, this guy you are looking for..." "English accent." "He was here 40 minutes ago." "God!" "Fuck!" "MAN 3:" "Lam so sorry." "Did I startle you?" "You kind of poked me in my ass with your dick." "So, yeah, little startled there, bud." "MAN 3:" "Sorry." "My bad." "It has an eye, but it cannot see." "(CHUCKLES)" "Bill?" "Bill Whilmsley?" "Do I know you?" "Dan Trunkman, Apex Select." "Hey, Dan!" "What's up?" "Not much." "Just got our numbers where we want them, thought we'd grab a beer." "Just wandered in." "Hey, Bill?" "Yeah?" "I don't wanna cock-block anybody, but love to show you those numbers." "As you can imagine, it's not really... (SIGHS) what I had planned for tonight." "What is your margin number?" "17%." "BILL:" "Well, yes." "You certainly have my attention now." "And you have my attention as well." "(LAUGHS)" "All right." "Will you just give me a second to sort myself out?" "And I will meet you out back." "Great." "Thanks, Bill." "You got a real big one." "Oh, well, thank you." "Bye, Ambrose." "Auf Wiedersehen." "MAN 2:" "Enjoy your stay in Berlin." "I didn't get a chance to meet you." "(MEN EXCLAIMING)" "MAN 2:" "Whoa, hey!" "The penis touched my face." "BILL:" "Wow." "These are sweet." "Maarten Daaervk is a top-sheet guy." "He is gonna love these numbers." "Who is that?" "He owns us." "He owns Geiger, all of it." "He's in town for the G8." "Hey, American Businessman 42!" "Hey, guys!" "I'm going viral here a little bit." "I'll explain it later." "So, where does this leave us?" "This leaves you kicking Chuck's arse." "So, we gonna get it?" "Let's fucking celebrate, Apex!" "To APEX!" "Apex!" "I'm gonna get that divorce!" "Hi, Mom." "Hi, Dad." "This is our second night at the youth hostel." "DAN:" "Flugelschlagen!" "(ALL REPEATING)" "This from Korea!" "(TOASTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)" "(ALL REPEATING)" "WOMAN:" "This one from Russia." "(TOASTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)" "(ALL REPEATING)" "This is from America." ""Let's get fucked up!" (ALL CHEERING)" "(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)" "(SINGING) Out w!" "The sun up" "Twisted and burn up" "Can't nobody stop us?" "We gone delirious" "Come on in!" "Twisted and burn up" "Can't nobody stop us?" "We gone delirious" "La-Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia" "Come on!" "Come and take a ride" "Stay up all night, okay" "MIKE:" "You go." "(ALL EXCLAIMING) That is Tequila Slaps." "It's fun, right?" "DAN:" "Come on in!" "Come on in, keep going." "ALL:" "Oh!" "I didn't mean to go that hard." "You're smiling, but your eyes are mean." "ALL:" "Oh!" "That's enough, I think." "Every time!" "You're the best!" "DAN:" "Pull!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "What happened?" "Just throw it!" "The waiting is the worst part." "(INDISTINCT)" "ALL:" "Apex Select!" "Flugelschlagen!" "(SINGING) Oh, no thick walls" "Are gonna block the waves" "No, not quite space enough" "Between that'd ever kill the bass" "Ooh, ah" "That shaking, rattling, cracking" "You can't take it 'cause you know" "It rubs you wrong" "But does it rub you wrong?" "Ooh, you can fight it if you want" "If you want" "Ooh, you can fight it if you want" "Oh, man!" "(BILL EXHALES)" "Thanks so much for looking at our numbers tonight, Bill." "Listen, I want you to know... that it's not my scene, glory-holing." "But... it's the only scenario where I can get any anymore." "I am a pear-shaped, middle-aged man, Dan." "I've really let myself go to pot." "And it's work!" "You just pack it on." "I started training to run a marathon to stay on top of it." "And I told..." "Do you wanna hear this?" "Yes." "Do you wanna hear it?" "Yes." "I told my whole family..." ""I'm running the St. Louis Marathon this year!"" "And I got up to 15 miles straight in July." "But, man, with all the travelling you and I did for this deal..." "I started not doing it anymore." "At all." "And that is the problem." "You take your eye off the ball, even just for a week... the next thing you know, you are sticking your cock through a wall." "I used to run." "I used to play rugby." "I used to be all kinds of ripped." "(SCOFFS)" "I've been to Folsom the last two nights, and it's like I'm a ghost." "No one sees me." "I didn't even get as much as a kiss." "Not one kiss." "DAN:" "That's their loss." "BILL:" "It is their loss." "I'm so unhappy at work." "It's like I'm not heard." "You got a pretty big dick." "That's something." "(SCOFFS) Yeah." "I can't even suck that anymore." "(INDISTINCT)" "These are the presentation..." "If a loose swarf goes around in an apex, then what happens in a..." "Hey, Chuck." "How you doing?" "Are you seriously staying here, Dan?" "You know, I'm glad that you're here... because it gives me the chance to tell you... that we are coming in strong this morning." "So, nothing personal... but we crushed you." "When I compete against someone like you... like now..." "I often invent dehumanizing nicknames for them... in my mind." "You're "The Flower Girl."" "I'm not gonna ask you why, because that's what you want me to do." "You're "The Flower Girl" because you're at the party." "You're dressed up." "Everyone's glad that you're there." "You do your little thing, then you sit down, and you let the grownups get to it." "Flower girl." "You're a bizarre woman." "If the three of us could shake hands, you, me and Benjaminson, I would." "I would." "But we can't." "Because people don't shake hands that way." "(SIGHS)" "So, good luck." "We don't need it." "We're prepared." "We're Apex." "Fuck me." "Are you just allowed to come into my room?" "There's an issue." "I'm sorry." "We tried to process your credit card for today's stay." "I'm afraid it's not working." "You can't throw me out." "I'm art." "You leaving will be art as well." "So, quick, quick." "What are you doing?" "Oh, you're gonna get it!" "Makes me a little uncomfortable how much you want it, but..." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "You're intense!" "(ALARM BEEPING)" "Shit." "Six minutes." "I gotta go." "I gotta go!" "(SINGING) I saw, I came, I conquered Or should I say" "You're good at this." "Have you done this before?" "Coming through!" "Now big bang boogie Get that kitty little noogie" "In a nice, nice little shade" "I gave Suzie a little pat up on the booty" "(BOTH EXCLAIMING)" "Walk this way" "You told him to meet us here?" "Yeah." "Last night, right?" "Yeah." "Where the fuck is he?" "Maybe he's already there." "I mean, he's a go-getter." "I'm serious." "I'm concerned for him." "You should be, too." "I am." "What the fuck is that?" "Fireball" "Let's do this thing." "Mike, the next time you wanna run around Berlin... playing grab-ass with a Japanese businessman in a hamster ball... you gotta let either me or your older companion know." "DAN:" "How are you?" "I'm good." "How are you?" "Good, Jim." "We are excited to be here at Geiger... to present a long-term purchase and a lend-share cost-buy." "We are ready to meet your high expectations." "Terrific." "Why don't you all have a seat?" "And we'll get started." "Aren't we gonna pitch Geiger today, your parent department?" "Austerlitz was gonna sit in, possibly, but he's not gonna be able to make it today." "I thought Dirk Austerlitz was our principal." "I thought that we flew here to see Dirk Austerlitz, Jim." "Dirk and I are working on this together." "Dirk had to fly to St. Louis today, so..." "Do you, Jim, know... that we all live in St. Louis?" "Oh, wow." "Yeah." "We left there to fly here to see the guy that is in St. Louis, Jim." "No shit?" "That's no good." "Well, let's get started." "Where's Bill?" "We covered a lot of this ground last night with Bill." "We pretty much shook on it." "You can shake hands with Bill all day long... but he doesn't make our decisions." "Where is Bill?" "Bill's getting my lunch." "You wanna get started?" "Okay." "Let me gear up my media, and I'll walk you through our aftermarket." "Great." "So, what was your meeting about?" "Wholesale swarf residue bargain cost-buys." ""Swarf," is that a real thing?" "Yeah, it's a real thing." "What do you think, we're like Dr. Seuss?" "We're just making up something, like shit out of thin air?" "No." "It's real." "But it's just not interesting." "Well, why do you do it?" "Well..." "I'm gonna send my son to private school." "Maybe it's worth it, I'm thinking." "If there's one less kid in the class... then maybe there's one less kid to make fun of him 24 hours a day." "Teasing sucks." "Yeah." "Have any of you guys been teased?" "Yeah." "I've been teased." "I lived in America for a year." "In Connecticut, and they made fun of my name." "What's your name?" "Karen." "(LAUGHING)" "Yeah, well, in Sweden it's like "John,"" "but in Connecticut, it's like..." ""Stacy." Yeah, I can see that." "You know the worst part with teasing?" "My dad would say," ""Just forget about it and ignore it, son."" "But he doesn't understand because in his day... kids would get teased at school all day, but then they could go home." "And nowadays, you come home, and there's Facebook and instagram... and the bullies can get at you through all of that stuff." "And it never really stops." "It never stops." "When I was a kid, people could only ridicule me... every day until 3:10 in the afternoon." "(COUGHING)" "Okay, Snoop Lion," "I think it's probably time to pass that now." "Oh, me?" "Yes." "Go ahead, Karen." "Pardon me." "(PHONE VIBRATING)" "Hello?" "Dan, it's Jim." "Hey, Jim!" "Okay, Dan, your numbers are good... but, the thing is... numbers are just part of what we have to take into account." "SUSAN:" "Are you wearing eye shadow?" "DAN:" "Yeah, I just wanted to show Paul that I understand how he feels." "You're cool, Dan." "How are you doing?" "Your bra's on outside your shirt." "Did you know that?" "Yes." "I do know that." "I was having a boob conversation with Bess... and she was worried that her boobs were gonna come out." "So I showed her how to trap them with a bra." "I just realized I went to Coffee Bean like this." "I'm sure you made an impression." "Can I talk to her?" "Bess!" ""BESS"." "Hey, Dad." "Did you finish my homework?" "I have not yet, no." "Honey, uh, why did you beat the shit out of another kid?" "They were making fun of Paul." "They were calling Paul fat names." ""Double Stuf."" "The fat Oreos." "Good job... my little can of whoop-ass." "I should probably add to that... that I'll take care of Paul." "That's my job." "You be a kid." "That's your job." "Okay?" "Can I talk to him?" "Sure." "Paul?" "Hey" "Hey" "Are you wearing eye shadow?" "Yeah. "Straight-Up Teal."" "Why?" "That's the one that you picked." "Yeah, when they bagged on me." "Goth dicks!" "Goth is lame." "Goth isn't outlaw." "I mean, this is the look right here, man." "Any guy can wear dark." "But rocking teal..." "See, teal is very outlaw." "It's like, the goth kids, really... they're joiners, when you think about it." "The teal kids, they really stand alone." "And whenever I have to pick a color, obviously, I pick teal every time." "For sure." "Because, you know... no one else does it." "And because you have to be bold." "Because you have to be teal tough." "Give me a break, Dad." "Come on!" "We could probably start a gang, me and you." "Just for real men, though." "Yeah, I guess we could." "Like "The Teal Boys."" "How many kids are in your class?" "42." "And how many of those kids pick on you?" "41." "Hey, I gotta go." "Just listen for one second." "Stay here." "Stay here and just listen to me for a second." "Now, Paul, you're gonna switch schools." "But that's not really gonna change anything much, honestly." "You're just gonna have to stay tough." "I know that you are feeling like that you're sticking out... and that you're going through a lot of stuff... but we're gonna get through this." "Me and you." "Teal tough." "When are you coming home?" "Tomorrow." "Did you get the handshake?" "Dad froze again!" "(TAPS KEY)" "I heard from Jim Spinch." "DAN:" "Your daddy just counted up who he's responsible for." "One boy." "One girl." "One woman." "One old guy." "One kind of, uh..." "How do you describe Mike?" "Good." "Sweet." "And I let him down." "I'm going to have to let him go next week." "Timothy, too." "Your daddy's a man who didn't get the handshake." "MAN:" "American Businessman 42!" "DAN:" "He's the fluffer, seems like." "He's also someone that will try and forget this feeling... as soon as possible." "Hey, um, sorry." "I don't mean to bother you... but you're so pretty." "Kind of like a painting." "I'm sorry." "It's so obvious now." "Flugelschlagen." "DAN:" "Sometimes, when troubles come all of a sudden too much... when we FaceTime..." "Dad freezes and pretends Face Time's broken." "So he doesn't have to deal with things right then." "(POPPING) (PEOPLE CHEERING)" "I'm not gonna freeze today." "Sometimes in life, you have to take inventory." "This is one of those times." "Not landing where you thought you would, hoped to... and asking the questions, "What could I have done differently?"" ""Could I have led better?"" "The only thing you can do when things go against you... is pick yourself up and push back." "(SPEAKING GERMAN) Hey." "Hey, sir!" "Come out of the race!" "DAN:" "My hopes for this trip, for this handshake... for it to be the end of a pretty good losing streak." "MAN:" "American Businessman 42!" "This is American Businessman 42, everyone!" "Go, go!" "You can do it!" "I don't believe it!" "Run!" "(SPEAKING GERMAN)" "DAN:" "I'm not going to freeze today." "I've chased this thing all the way to Germany." "I'm going to find the man behind the man... even though we might get humiliated." "But we're ready." "The old guy's got life left. .." "And the young guy's an animal now." "So I'm telling the boys..." ""Suits back on, get on the starship,"" ""and let's go get this goddamn handshake."" "(CLAMORING)" "BILL ON PHONE:" "Hello?" "Dan?" "Yeah." "You at the Aldon with Daaervk?" "Yes." "We'll be there in 10 minutes." "Awful." "Why?" "Get me in to see him." "I'm gonna see him for three minutes, just for a team photo." "I want to show him my sheet." "It's impossible!" "I cannot go around Jim." "We're coming." "You got a big dick, Bill." "Act like it." "Dan?" "It's madness!" "(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)" "How the hell are we gonna get over there?" "(CROWD CHANTING INDISTINCTLY)" "(ALL SHOUTING)" "(DOGS BARKING)" "(SHOTS FIRING)" "How you doing?" "I'm here for a meeting." "They're expecting me." "(ORDERING IN GERMAN) I understand, sir." "Clearly, I'm not rioting." "Whoa!" "Easy, buddy!" "We're just three guys on business!" "(ORDERING IN GERMAN)" "Hey!" "Get your fucking hands off of me!" "Leave him alone!" "Calm down, Tim!" "(HORSE WHINNYING)" "(EXCLAIMS)" "Son of a bitch!" "(COUGHING)" "Dan!" "They are very important people." "I need them in with me right now." "Right now!" "Are you okay, Dan?" "I'm not crying." "That's just poison in my eyes." "Let's go." "Get your top sheet, all right?" "Two seconds." "Just one of you." "Mike, go." "I'm just kidding." "I got it." "Jim is gonna kill me." "We're better, Bill." "He'll throw a coffee in my face." "We're better." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Just wait here a sec." "Mr. Daaervk." "This is Dan Trunkman." "And this is Apex Select's long-purchase cost share sheet." "Sit down." "(SLURPS AIR)" "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "I just got tear-gassed." "A whole canister." "I got caught in the crowd and in the horses." "I just got shot, all over." "I'm just explaining why I look so effed-up." ""Effed up"?" "Um..." ""Fucked."" "Oh, "fucked." Yes, you do." "(CHUCKLES)" "Can I see your dollar exchange ratio?" "We feel very strong about our numbers." "It is fudged a little, hmm?" "You converted it twice." "It is." "It's fudged a little, yeah." ""Keeblered," as we say." "You know that?" "Yeah, we know that." "It's an old trick." "The guy's old who..." "Fire him." "Uh..." "No." "He worked extremely hard on this sheet." "I stand by what he did." "I'm just kidding." "(LAUGHS)" "Jeez." "We think we would be a complement to you... not only on this job, but in the future." "And being able to look ahead to the things... that are gonna be in front of you." "So, how many people do you employ?" "Two." "Three of us, altogether." "How many do you?" "Oh... 200,000-something." "Fuck." "Yeah." "But three is tough, too." "In a different way." "I started with four." "Like a family, when you know everyone's name." "But that can wear on you, too." "Uh..." "So, this is slightly better." "Bottom line." "So, okay." "Yeah." "Are you going to shake my hand?" "I have some other shit to do." "Yeah." "Yes." "Okay." "Who's your daddy, baby?" "Who's your fucking daddy?" "(LAUGHING)" "We got it." "(TAPPING)" "Oh, my goodness." "Did something just happen?" "Did we just come from a meeting?" "Did things just get exciting around here?" "Oh, yeah, here it comes." "Boom." "There it is." "Very nice." "I got you!" "DAN:" "I know it's been a long trip, but rest up." "Monday, we're back at it." "Hey!" "I'm divorced." "Just like that?" "There's an app." "DAN:" "Hey, Jim!" "Did you have to fly to St. Louis to talk to your boss?" "Yeah, that's right." "Hey, Dan, can I get your address?" "Sure." "Because usually when someone fucks me, I like to send them flowers." "I like carnations." "And if you make out a card, include all three of us... because it was a three-way." "You were my third fuck!" "ALL:" "Mike!" "Guys!" "Oh, man!" "Oh, you guys!" "I missed you!" "I missed you!" "Oh, wait." "Guys, these are my roommates." "Tobey and Sebastian and Tobey." "Sebastian, Tobeys, I don't have to tell you... you've got one hell of a friend here." "And it is emperlaten that you ask Mike about his trip." "Because this cat had some pretty major explers." "Yeah." "I lost my virginity!" "Twice!" "(LAUGHING)" "Good stuff, Pancake." "See you Monday, pal." "Yeah." "See you Monday, Mike." "BYE, guys." "DAN:" "How are you getting home?" "I'm leaving with a friend." "Is that the, uh, actual maid from...?" "We kept in touch." "Why is she wearing her maid outfit?" "I asked her nicely, Dan." "Silver fox." "Boom!" "I like that." "You remember Dan?" "Hello." "Hi." "Pleasure." "Nice to meet you." "We should go." "Okay." "Great." "Thanks." "Thank you, Tim." "Why are you standing here?" "Don't you have a wheelbarrow you're supposed to be jumping into?" "Daddy!" "Hey!" "Om (GIGGLES)" "Come on!" "How are you, sweetheart?" "I'm good." "Let's go." "What do you say?" "You doing good?" "Yeah!" "All right." "Hey, what's going on with this guy, here?" "You don't get out of the car anymore?" "What are you, too old?" "Hey, Dad." "How are you?" "All right." "Come on, let's get going here." "Good to see you guys." "Jump on in, I'll be in in a minute." "Hi, beautiful." "How are you?" "Hi!" "SUSAN:" "Good to see you!" "So glad you're back." "It's been a tough week." "How about I drive?" "Yes, please." "Flugelschlagen." "What?" "Something I learned on my trip." "It means, "You have to fight like hell..."" ""but don't forget to catch your breath now and then..."" ""and realize that everything's gonna be all right."" "Or it means "turn left," probably." "(LAUGHS)" "Hey, you have your assignment, yes?" "Yes." "Because it's due today." "The "Dad" one?" "Yeah." "Shit." "I was still working..." "I wrote it." "I did it." "You finished it?" "Mmm-hmm." "SUSAN:" "It's good." "She wrote it in, like, two seconds." "(SINGING) Can you feel?" "Can you feel it?" "Now it's coming back" "We can steal it" "If we bridge this gap" "I can see you" "Through the curtains of the waterfall" "When I lost it" "Yeah, you held my hand" "But I tossed it" "Didn't understand" "You were waiting" "As I dove into the waterfall" "So say Geronimo!" "Say Geronimo!" "Say Geronimo!" "Say Geronimo!" "Say Geronimo!" "Can you feel... my love?" "Bombs away Bombs away" "Bombs away" "Say Geronimo!" "Well, we rushed it" "Moving way too fast" "That we crushed it" "But it's in the past" "We can make this leap" "Through the curtains of the waterfall" "So say Geronimo!" "Say Geronimo!" "Say Geronimo!" "Can you feel... my love?" "Bombs away Bombs away" "Bombs away" "Well, I'm just a boy" "With a broken toy" "All lost and coy" "At the curtains of the waterfall" "So it's here I stand" "As a broken man" "But I've found my friend" "At the curtains of the waterfall" "Now I'm falling down" "Through the crashing sound" "And you've come around" "At the curtains of the waterfall" "And you rushed to me" "And it sets us free" "So I fall to my knees" "At the curtains of the waterfall" "When the world is turning in the wrong direction" "And every wave seems to be crashing at your feet" "Running circles doesn't lead to inspiration" "When you're at the end" "You're at the start again" "Time's moving too slow" "One foot out the door" "Binds you flat but know that you're not alone" "Take a hand from me" "You know what we'll be, you'll see" "If we fall and if we break" "There will be another chance today" "Take a hand from me" "I believe that we can find our destination" "The journey's just begun" "Two is more than one" "Time's moving too slow" "One foot out the door" "Binds you flat but know that you're not alone" "Take a hand from me" "You know what we'll be, you'll see" "If we fall and if we break" "There will be another chance today" "Take a hand from me" "Whoa-oh-oh-oh" "Take a hand from me"