"Welcome to another addition of "Flame-Outs."" "The show where we consider the tragic and sometimes spectacular deaths of the world's greatest musicians." "I am your host, Lachlan MacAldonich." "I know you can do it." "But the market is special, alright." "Okay, it's about talking to the customers and Lachlan has a way with them." "Flattery will get you everywhere." "You gotta rotate, a higher rotate." "Back up a little bit." "Good." "How we doing tonight, Sir?" "Fuck-a-duck." "Where were you heading?" "Home." "Where are you coming from?" "A bar." "Out of the car, please." "Yes." "You're gonna go against that wall, against that chart." "Against the wall." "Look at me, please." "I knew that." "Okay, here we go." "To your right, please." "Is that badass, that look?" "Come on, let's get one taken together." "I don't think so." "Well, Mister McAldon..." "MacAldonich, Lachlan MacAldonich." "Is that Irish?" "Excuse me, I am from Scotland." "We have your BAC level written down here at point-two-four." "That is an aggravated DUl, which means that your license is suspended, effective immediately." "Four months for one DUl." "What a crock." "I tell you, Warren." "You see, back in the U.K. they would have dumped me on the front step and rang the Bell." "Well, maybe when I was a kid." "Yeah, here too." "That's... that's that's bullshit." "Well, what am I gonna do about Saturday now?" "Shit." "Goddamn DUl." "What the hell, man, I..." "I thought you were smarter than that." "Oh, shut up." "You know, in a previous life," "I'd only get to see this side of Saturday in the arse end." "Bet you had some crazy nights back in the day, huh?" "Yeah..." "Ancient history now." "Yeah, I know." "Fuck off." "This guy comes home one day, right?" "He says to his wife," ""There's a rumor going around at work" ""that the postman has had sex with every woman on this street except one."" "And she says, "I bet it's that stuck-up co-ed"" "at number fifty-six."" "Oh, that's what I'm trying to figure out." "Ain't that always the way?" "How about a radish?" " Radish?" " Yeah." "I know it sounds crazy." "Try a little salt, a little butter, fantastic." "Yeah, you cook?" "I don't cook." "A customer told me." "You alright there, my friend?" "I see you've been eyeing these eggs?" "How many would you like?" "These eggs are laid with love." "Happy chickens." "Cage free, chemical free, hormone free." "Matter of fact, the only thing that ain't free is the cost." "Four dollars for the dozen." "Thank you very much." "Alright, Beau?" "Hey, Lachlan..." "How you doin'?" "Good..." "What's good today?" "Thank you, Sir." "Tomatoes are spectacular." ""Peachy" tomatoes." " Yeah..." "Peachy?" " Yeah." "I think you can do better than that sign." "They'll work with the sea bass I just picked up." "I have some mushrooms, lemon, and capers." "Very tasty." "Well, work's been really slow lately, so I've had plenty of time to cook pathetically elaborate dinners." "That's perfect." "When do I get to try one?" "I told you, when I get an invite to your farm." "You have had an invite for months." "Oh, by the way, my boyfriend is here." "He, uh, he usually works late Friday nights, so he can't make it, but I dragged his ass out of bed this morning." "Hey, Paul..." "Come here." "Look, if you do want to come, it's quite simple really." "If you leave at the ass-crack of dawn." "Yes, thank you very much, Julian, thank you." "Back to work." "Thanks." " How ya doin'?" " Oh, um, Paul this is Lachlan." "Nice to meet you." "You're both musicians." " Oh yeah, what do you play?" " I'm a DJ." " A really good one." " Right." "Some good stuff in the bins over there." "Yeah, I just found The Beach Boys "Sunflower" over there." "Classic." "Hell of a lot better than "Pet Sounds", if you ask me." "A fellow contrarian, I see." "Absolutely." "Did you get a coffee?" "I did not get a coffee 'cause the coffee guy's too slow and I couldn't wait any longer." "You ready to go?" "Yeah..." "I'm just gonna get these and, yeah." "Well, it's nice to see you this morning, Beau." "Nice to meet you too, Paul." " I'm gonna go pay for that record." " Cool." "What's the damage on these?" "Oh, just make that a buck." " No." " I'm telling you." "Thank you." "There you go." "Alright, Robinson Farm, Road 28." "I'll sleep with one eye open." "Okay." "See ya." "Bye." "Alright, my friends," "Some lovely carrots here, some lovely zucchini." "We've got..." "You ready?" "Yep." "Drive downtown." "Where to?" "Towards the tall buildings." "What for?" "I want to stop somewhere before we go home." "You took the FST." "I'm sorry, I took the what?" "Field Sobriety Test." "Yeah, well he had me get out of the car and stand on one leg." "If I hadn't been so drunk," "I'd have probably found the whole thing rather humiliating." "And I probably would've passed it as well." "There's no such thing as passing those tests." "No matter what you do, it's just more evidence against you." "You should never agree to them." "Well that's good to know, now." "Thanks." "Okay." "If we plead guilty, I do my courtroom thing," "I can probably get you four months suspended license plus a fine in the neighborhood" "$4,000. or $5,000." "Wow." "That's the best you're gonna get." "Oh, one other thing." "What's your immigration status?" "Permanent legal resident." "Got a green card, been here for years." "Good..." "No prior arrests?" "One." "You have a prior?" "Arrest or conviction?" "Half an ounce of marijuana or something." "It was a long, long time ago." "But you're gonna need to speak to an immigration lawyer." "I have a guy I recommend, David Piper, and I'll see if he can see you first thing Monday morning." "Yeah, but I-I'm a permanent legal resident." " I got a green card." " No, doesn't matter." "You should talk to Piper, he's the guy." "Uh, oh, one last thing, and this is important." "Do not drive while your license is suspended." "We don't want to have a bad situation get worse." "Okay?" " You alright?" " Yeah." "You mind if I go hang out?" "Yeah, yeah." "Alright." "Enjoy yourself, have fun." "We have a winner!" "Jacob Welsh." "There's a bunch of kids out there stuffing their face with cherry pies." "Am I the only one that finds that vaguely disturbing?" "I met with your lawyer friend today." "He seems like a decent guy." "I'll probably have to consult with an immigration lawyer now." "What the hell's that mean?" "You're illegal?" "Fuck off, Warren." "I'm practically American these days." "They wouldn't recognize me back home." "Did you see Melodie out there today?" "No." "She's like flippin' that Baton..." "Boom!" "Grabbed it out of the air every single time, never dropped it once." "But I remember Julian back in the day, you know, he's like out there dressed up like a little cherry tree." "And he's, you know, he's giving it everything he's got, you know." "And it's like, every year I dread coming to this thing." "And then I get here and I see my kids and the parade and I'm just, you know..." "Hey, I'm..." "I'm sorry, man." "Oh." "Not at all, Warren." "That's an absolutely beautiful sentiment, brother." "Cheers." "Welcome to another edition of "Flame-Outs"." "The show where we discuss the tragic and sometimes spectacular deaths of the world's greatest musicians." "I am your host, Lachlan MacAldonich." "Tonight, Marc Bolan, of T. Rex." "Back in the 1970's this guy was the biggest star in the U.K..." "Immensely talented." "His car hit a tree outside London when he was just shy of 30." "His poor wife was driving." "Some would say that Marc Bolan truly met his end nine days previously when, during his last public appearance, he slipped and fell over on the TV in front of millions." "His old pal, David Bowie, standing there beside him laughing, already well on his way to a lifetime of Ziggy stardom." "But, this broadcast is about tragedy." "And what could be more tragic in the annals of British Rock than Marc Bolan?" "A rocker with a genuinely good heart who became all flabby and egotistical." "Man, he broke some hearts back in the day." "Including mine." "I must have listened to this record at least 10,000 times." "But hey, I promised I wouldn't talk about myself on "Flame-Outs" until I'm actually dead." "So, in the meantime, let's just stick to Marc Bolan." "Tell me about your prior conviction." "Well, it's all a bit of a blur now, really." "More than fifteen years ago." "But I was getting on a plane, next thing you know," "I'm getting taken in for grass." "Drugs." "Yeah." "Had them in my bag." "Stupid." "Anyway, I was in a band at the time." "And our manager, he sorted it." "He..." "No more than a speeding ticket, he said at the time." "Yeah, you got a good manager." "Uh, what kind of visa were you on?" "I don't remember." "H-1-B?" "0-1" "0-1." ""Extraordinary ability", something like that, yeah." "Oh, those are tough to get." "I know." "You wouldn't think to look at me now." " Wow." " Yeah." "Well, look, uh, alright." "Here's the issue as I see it right now, okay?" "Um, under current immigration law, both the DUl and possibly this prior drug conviction count as violations of moral turpitude." "I" " I'm sorry to interrupt you, um," "I'm just a bit confused about the immigration side of this." "I've got a green card." "I mean, surely that means I'm practically a citizen here." "No." "Not at all." "You can face removal proceedings whether you have a green card or not." "It doesn't matter." "Shit." "Look..." "No offense to anyone, you know." "But I ain't a terrorist." "I'm not a drug mule." "Uh, I'm a moderately lazy Scotsman." "I just..." "I just want to live out the rest of my days in this lovely land I've called my home for the last 12 years." "I can help you." "Good, great." "How much do I owe you?" "Well, in these cases I normally work on an hourly rate." "But I think in your case it's more cost effective to go with a flat fee." "Right, okay." "How much is that?" "$5,000." "Half up front and, uh, half when we're done." "Oh, it's Lachlan." "Hey, Wendell!" "Look at you, man!" "Look at your hair." "Well, that's the music business, isn't it?" " Good to see you." " It's good to see you, man." " How you been?" " I've been well." " I've been well, yeah." " Fantastic, okay." "Oh, God, you know, I was in London last week." "I was at this event with like Mick and Rod Stewart, all of them, and all they could talk about, Lachlan, was how fucked the music business is." "Poor Mick, probably taken the scrambled flamingo eggs off the rider." " Flamingo egg whites, mate." " Oh, yeah." "Very fit bastard." "Makes Iggy look fat." "For sure." "How you doin', you alright?" "Yeah, I'm well, I'm well." "Not playing so much anymore." "No rolling stone, I'm afraid, too much moss." "But I'm keeping busy." "Doing a lot of broadcasting at the moment." "Good, good." "Well, it's a podcast, in actual fact." "But I, like, discuss the spectacular deaths of the world's great musicians." "Marvin Gaye, Janis Joplin, Serge Gainsbourg." "Lindsay Lohan." "Did you do a show on Jed?" "No, not yet, no." "Fuck, Wendell, to be honest, it's more of a hobby, really." "Right." "Well, what do you do for work?" "Actually... sorry." "Do you recall that marijuana charge that you helped to get us out of, way back in the '96 Glass Houses tour?" "No." "Okay, LAX." " I had some weed in my bag." " Oh, geez..." "Stupidly stuck it through the X-Ray machine like an idiot." "Yeah, I remember." "Well, that small misdemeanor, coupled with a recent DUl, means I might be getting kicked out of the good ol' US of A." "That's fucking terrible." "Yeah, well, I've got a lawyer who thinks he might be able to help me, but uh, his fee is $5,000." "Fuck." "Wendell." "Come on, man." "You're the only friend I have left whose house I have to drive up a considerable incline" "Lachlan, I've told you a thousand times..." "I know..." "I know what you said, and my house is in order, but it's just a tiny, wee fucking house, that's all." "Yeah, well, you just got to have some money under the fucking bed, okay, Lachlan." "Okay, right..." "I work on a farm." "I don't mind my life." "I don't mind it at all, in fact, but..." "I've got less than $1,200 in the bank." "I don't even have a credit card." "I've got money coming in, Wendell, I can pay you back." "I just cannot go back to the U.K..." "Nothing for me there." "And you understand that, don't you, man?" "Yes, I understand that, man." "Do you ever go back?" " No." " Never?" "Never." "Then why the fuck did you come to me?" "'Cause you..." "Why the fuck...?" "Fuck, 'cause you're Johnny-on-the-spot, aren't you?" "Thrive in a crisis, and all of that." "To wit, the old drug charge." "Yeah, Johnny-on-the-spot, that's good." "I cleaned up every shit pile you ever trod in, and your mates." " Right, didn't I?" " Yeah." " That was me doing that." " I know." "Except the last one." "You've cost me, boy." "You've cost me a lot more than five grand." "Yeah, well, I think we made you quite a bit as well, Wendell." "Your brother made it, alright?" "Your fucking brother made me the money." "Not you." "It wasn't about the money." "You see, what you've got to understand is," "I haven't given you a thought." "I didn't know whether you were alive or dead." " Cheers." " That's right." "And I was never your manager, you see, Lachlan." "I was never your fucking friend." "Jed was the band." "So if they send you back to England," "I think it would be about fucking time." "Take care of yourself." "You tight-fisted mother fucker." "Five grand." "Open the fucking gate!" "Five grand, you fucking wank?" "Fucking dick." "Hurry up!" "Fuck." "The people of the state of California have charged you with one count of violating" "California Vehicle Code section 23-152-A, driving under the influence of alcohol or a drug." "And with one count of violating Vehicle Code section 23-152-B driving with a blood alcohol content of point-zero-eight percent or greater." "These are misdemeanors and carry with them a maximum punishment of six months imprisonment." "How do you plead?" "Not guilty, your honor." "Defendant pleads not guilty." "We'll set the pre-trial hearing for approximately 30 days..." "Two shots, please." "Rough day, huh?" "Tell me about it." "Yep." "Totally shite fucking day." "Oh, fuck me." "There we go." "That'll be five dollars." "Hey, Beau." "Hey, Paul." "Two weeks runnin', eh?" "Yeah." "How were the tomatoes?" "Thank you for pushing them on me." "Beau didn't uh, tell me who you were last week." "Who am I?" "Well, I was spinning at a party that night and I put on a song from "Bank Street Waltz"" "by The Cranks." "And I'm looking at the back of the album, the band photo." "And I'm like, holy shit." "There you are standing right next to Jed." "The guy from the fucking farmer's market." "Man, "Bank Street Waltz" is literally my favorite album of all time." "Yeah." "He hasn't stopped talking about it all week." "Look, I'm doing a party in a few weeks at Three of Clubs." "You gotta come." "No, thanks for the invite, but I don't do anything like that anymore." "Anything like what?" "Anything interesting." "Oh, it's all you know, your kind of stuff, man." "You see, Blur, Stone Roses, Black Grape, Oasis." "Look, if you come, I'll play the whole the entire side one of "Bank Street Waltz"." "No, you know, I-I've heard quite enough of that album, thank you." "No, seriously." "You gotta come." "I really don't want to, man." "Babe." "He can't make it." "Shh..." "He's coming." "Shh?" "He doesn't want to." "Alright, look, if you change your mind, it's Three of Clubs next month." "And um, you know, we'll make you the guest of honor." "It's gonna be amazing." "I hope..." "I hope you change your mind." "It's really nice to meet you." "Seriously." "It's a pleasure, it's an honor." "I'm really sorry about your brother, man." "Cheers..." "I appreciate that." "Yeah..." "Cheers." "So, you were a big deal back in the day?" "I was the guitar player in a big deal band, for a moment, yeah." "How come you never said anything?" "You ever heard of The Cranks?" "No." "So what do you want me to say?" "I don't know." "Something." ""I play guitar." "I'm a big fucking deal."" "Something like that." "Jesus Christ." "I didn't think it was that bad, actually." "Fuck off, it's "not that bad."" "24 months probation." "$5,000 fine." "Four months in prison." "It's a first plea offer." "We can push back on the prison time." "Okay, but we can't go any further with that until we find out what is gonna work best for your immigration situation." "Yeah, I know, I understand that." "He says you still haven't gotten back to him." "I'm trying, man." "It's just..." "I know, I'm sorry." "I just don't have the money." "Okay, I..." "I understand." "This is what he said he could do for you." "He'll take a thousand up front, as a consultation fee." "And then a thousand more to be paid at a later date." "But we've got to get him on board right away." "I understand." "I'm possibly interested in selling an old guitar of mine." "It's a Les Paul 90-60 Sunburst." "How much will one of those go for nowdays?" "Well, that depends on what kind of shape it's in." "Well, have you heard of The Cranks, my friend?" "Doesn't ring a Bell." "No?" "Album called "Bank Street Waltz"?" ""Glass Houses?"" "No." "Well, they said that the lead singer was the British Kurt Cobain." "I thought that was nonsense, but anyhow..." "I..." "I'm not too big on British bands." "Well, it was used by the lead guitarist of The Cranks." "He bought it directly from Paul Weller of The Jam, who played it before him." "You're familiar with The Jam?" "You work in a music store." "Let me guess, you're the guy from..." "The Cranks..." "I was, yeah." "So what kind of condition is it in?" "Trust me, man." "This guitar is of royal lineage." "It's steeped in musical history." "Well, my partner is the vintage guitar buff around here." "Trying to move it fast?" "Well, when you finish gauging interest, why don't you just bring it on by, we'll take a look at it." "Sure, I'll do that." "Thank you." "You fucking loser, you fucking loser." "I'm sorry I didn't make it back." "I'll be in bright and early tomorrow, I promise." " Yeah, hello?" " Lachlan?" " Yep." " It's Beau." "From the farmer's market." "Beau, how ya doin'?" "Yeah, of course." "I forgot you gave me your phone number a few months ago." "Yeah, well, yeah, I forgot too, completely." "I was thinking that tomorrow I might just want to get in my car and drive." "Uh, could I come check out the farm?" "I tell you what, tomorrow it just so happens to be my day off, so you're welcome to come any time you like." "Okay, yeah, sure." "Thank you." "Hey..." "Welcome." "Alright." "So this is where all my food comes from." "Well, actually this row here, see the empty row, you eat all of that." "So, how did you start working here?" "I grew up on a farm." "I actually know how to do some of this stuff." "A few years ago when an opportunity came up," "I thought, back to my roots." "And what do you do here?" "Are you immigration or something?" " No." " A lot of questions." "I'm just..." "I am..." "I'm curious." "Well, I am, in actual fact, the manager." "Oh." "Warren sells loads of these, you know, direct-to-the-consumer baskets." "I deal with those and also handle the wholesale orders." "How do I sign up for a basket?" "Well, I could tell you, but then you wouldn't have to come to the market every Saturday." "True." "That is true." "So here we have Burt and Doris." "Oh-ho." "The mental chickens." "Want to help me feed them?" "Um, I think I'm..." "I'm good." "Thanks." "I'm good." "Watch this, I'll just be a second." "Okay." "Get back, beasts." "Great." "No skill required." "You're cheating." "I know you're cheating." "I didn't cheat that time." "But you know, anything for a win." "Warren, I want to see you, but I'm on my last legs here, man." "Yeah?" "Pretty active for a school night, huh?" "Ah, come on, Warren." "I'm just having a drink." "Alright." "I got your Gatorade." "So tell me... why did you want to come and see me today?" "I don't know." "I guess I've had your farm's address tacked up on my fridge for like months." "And everytime I see you I feel like you're just as sad as I am." "Oh..." "Good night." "Night, night." "You know, I don't-I don't think I should drive." "Well, neither can I." "Listen, my place ain't much, but you're welcome to come stay the night." "Oh, um..." "It's cool." "Yeah?" "No pressure." "We can get a taxi." "Okay?" "Welcome." "You weren't kidding." "Well, I told you." "Well, it's not a bad space, it's just, I don't know, it needs a little straightening up." "It's okay, you can say it." "It needs a woman's touch." "I think it's nice." "Do you still play?" "No." "Is this the one you played when..." "Mm-hmm." "Will you play me something?" "No." "It's the best way to impress a girl, you know." "I've been known to use that tactic in my day." "Yeah, I'm sure." "You aren't gonna give up, are ya?" "Mm-mm." "Oh, fuck it..." "Any requests?" "No, you can choose." "My choice." "Well..." "I did have a solo album once the band broke up." " It was called..." " I know." "I Googled you last week." " "California Solo"." " Ooh..." "You Googled me, did you?" " Mm-hmm, guilty." " Oh, my God." "Where has all the mystery gone, Beau?" "You know, I remember the days when people used to speak to each other." "Old fashioned." "Okay." "I forget the words." "Wow." "It's been a while." "That was beautiful." "Yeah?" "Hey." "Listen, you sleep in the bed," "I'm gonna sleep here." "Oh, we can share the bed." "I mean, we're both grown-ups." "Yeah." "Yeah, you're absolutely right." "Um... just so you know... nothing is going to happen tonight." "No." "God, of course not, no." "Right." "Long day." "I'm drunk." "What do you think?" "Underdeveloped." "Yeah." "But, by how much?" "Couple of days, maybe a week." "I don't know." "Yeah, see." "Shit, I need to take this." "Yeah, Mister Domenico." "Okay." "And what is it?" "Probation?" "I'll have to go to court." "Okay." "Alright, cheers." "Bye-bye." "Well, well." "Are you gonna keep us in suspense?" "No." "I got the plea bargain." "I'm not gonna get deported." "Then I guess we're stuck with ya." "Unfortunately, for you." "Even more unfortunate for you, my friend." "Lachlan Mac..." "MacAldonich." "It's Lachlan MacAldonich." "Tough name to say." "Never take the easy road." " I'm Carol Brody..." " Hi, Carol." "Your probation officer." " Right this way." " Sure." "I'm with Immigration and Customs Enforcement," "I need you to come with me, please, sir." "Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's this?" "We'll explain everything." "Miss Brody?" "ICE put a hold on you." "You have to go with them." "So, what is this..." "So, is this a trap, yeah?" "It's standard procedure, sir." "Well, you haven't even read me my rights yet." "Because you're not being arrested, you're just being detained, Mister McDonald." "Okay, name." "Lachlan MacAldonich." "Date of birth." "First of April, 1969." "Alright." "Place of birth." "It's Kilmarnock in Scotland, in the U.K..." "K" " I-L-M-A-R-N-O-C-K." "Marital status." "Divorced." "Any children?" "Yeah, a daughter." "Her age?" "Thirteen, I think." "Occupation." "Agricultural worker." "Alright, Mister MacAldonich... do you know why you've been detained?" "I haven't got a fucking clue." "Well, your case was referred to this division after your conviction on a dui..." "To initiate removal proceedings." "Sir, this is a fucking joke." "But I've already sorted all this out with my lawyer." "Wanna watch your language, please, Sir?" "Now this is your notice to appear." "In about two or three weeks check with your lawyers for the exact date." "A judge..." "I'm sorry, I..." "I don't want this." "This is a..." "This is a fucking mistake." "Those are your charging papers for immigration court, so you're gonna need those." "Yeah, but man, it's a mistake." "Not my problem, sir." "Okay, can I go now, please?" "No, you can't." "You have a bond posted for $10,000." "I thought you said that I hadn't been arrested." "It's not bail, it's a bond." "Now if you need, we have a list of local bail bondsman who will post bonds for immigration removal cases." "I recommend you call one of them." "Do you mind if I make a phone call from here?" "Yeah, go ahead." "Let me call my lawyers." "Tear 'em a new asshole." "Well, well I thought we took this plea deal in order to avoid this." "Well, it's not an exact science." "You make a judgment based on case law..." "Well, well nobody told me when I was signing up for this that you were fucking guessing!" "Alright, calm down..." "No, don't tell me to calm down, Mister Piper." "Don't tell me to calm down, mate." "I took your sound legal advice." "I paid for your sound legal advice, and you've stuck me in a raft and sold me right up the fucking river." "We're not there quite yet." "You still have a decent..." "We are there." "We're here right fucking now!" "Look at us!" "We are doing our best to try and figure out..." "Don't do your fucking best!" "You go fix this!" "You will fix this or you're gonna understand why I was kicked out of every fucking club in the U.K.!" "Do you get that?" "I will not go back there!" "I will fucking not go back there!" "Okay..." "Okay." "Well uh, do you have someone to post your bond?" "I tell you what." "You post my bond, friend-o." "I'm sorry, that's against firm policy." "I got all these Mexicans working on my farm, and it's the Scottish guy that gets into shit with immigration." "Warren, I'm sorry, man..." "I'll pay you back." "Yeah, how you gonna do that?" "Is your boss planning on giving you a raise?" "Yeah, hello?" "Hey, it's David Piper." "You got a sec?" "Look, uh, I found out a little bit more about your situation." "Turns out it was that old drug arrest." "Three ounces of marijuana found on your person." "It turns out they could've deported you at any point in the last fifteen years." "Then why didn't they?" "Well, no one was paying any attention." "Basically, we got two options." "Um, first one, you accept the removal ruling, you go back home, and you never come back." "Oh, please, please don't tell me I have to pack my bags." " Come on." " No, no, not necessarily." "The second option is this." "It's something we call extreme hardship." "We would basically have to prove that your removal from the country would 'cause extreme hardship to a US citizen." "It's the only viable choice we've got here." "Anyone you can think of?" "I don't believe there's anyone who gives a toss whether I'm here or not." "Now that was The Cranks." "First track from the album "Back Street Waltz"." "I haven't listened to this for many years, my friends, but what a ball we had." "What a ball." "I cannot humbly call him one of the greats." "But fuck it, yes I can, because that's exactly what he was." "Jed MacAldonich." "He never followed a single rule from the moment he was conceived." "Grew up listening to the records of The Smiths, New Order." "When he was seventeen he made a pilgrimage to the Hacienda Night Club in Manchester with his little brother in tow." "A few years later they were playing The Hacienda." "They and The Cranks." "We were The Cranks." "A couple years after that we recorded an album at Abbey Road Studios." ""Magical One"." "But the death of Jed MacAldonich did not happen in England, my friends." "No." "His demise came in a shining death trap we call the Hollywood Hills." "Recording the third album, his stupid little brother brought in some bad drugs to keep him going through the night." "He kept hassling Jed to take it." "He didn't care that Jed was determined to go straight, you know?" "To straighten out." "But the little brother, he never went back to the U.K..." "How could he?" "How could he face the family?" "Devastated fans." "Angry friends." "He knew what he'd done." "And he didn't need anyone to fucking tell him." "Jed's best years were still to come." "We didn't see past that." "Excuse me." "Excuse me, hello?" "Julian, customer." " I'm busy." " Oh, shit." "You okay?" " You okay?" " Thanks." "Yeah." " Okay." "Two bucks, ma'am." " Two?" " Yeah." "Thank you." "Oh, fuck." "Hey." "Slow day?" "Well, I'm slow today." "That's for sure." "Everything okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "How are you?" "Not great." "Paul and I decided to take a break." "I don't like the idea of cooking just for myself." "Well, I eat." "Oh, you do, do you?" "Mmm-hm, a lot, yes." "And I know that's all I can help you with because I'm a shite cook." "So, you would like to come over for dinner." "No, no." "Well, yeah..." "I mean, you said, you know, you need another mouth to feed." "Well, I do." "Okay, cool." "Alright, I'll text you my address." "Yeah, sure." "Find us something to eat then, alright?" "Right..." "Thanks." "Hey, Julian." "Yeah." "I'm gonna be staying in LA today." "No." "I'm not unloading the truck by myself again." "Julian, listen, life is happening to me, man." "I'm powerless to stop it." "Yeah, well you're supposed to be there to unload the truck when it gets back to the farm." "Come on..." "Hey." "My Dad's gonna be pissed." "I'll talk to him in the morning, okay?" "Excuse me, my friend." "Um, does Catherine Breem live here?" "She doesn't live here, no." "Shit." "Well, she lived here a few years back." "I'm sorry to bother you." "Hang on." "She's our landlord we rent the house from." "Oh, right." "Do you know where she happens to live now?" "I'm an old friend." "Alright, let me give you her number first." " You can..." " Thank you." "You can call her." "Fantastic..." "Thank you so much." "Fuck-a-duck." "Hello?" " Hi, is that Catherine?" " Yeah." "It's you-know-who." "Oh my..." "Lachlan?" "Yeah, how are you doin'?" "Hah!" "Surprise, sur-fucking-prise." "6-6-1... is that where you're living?" "Uh, it's Antelope Valley." "No, well at the moment, actually, I'm smack bang in the middle of our old stomping ground." "What for?" "Well, I stopped by our old place, the guy told me you'd moved." "And he gave you my number?" "Yeah, well it's the accent, remember." "It causes Americans to trust me." "Oh." "Is something wrong?" "No, no, no, why?" "Well, you're calling me." "Okay, listen, can we meet up somewhere?" "Jesus, Lachlan." "Okay, fine, you know what, I'm home right now." "So why don't you just come on by." "Perfect, perfect." "What's the..." "I'll get a pen." "You need my address?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Hold on, I've got one, I've got one." "No, you don't." "No, I do." "No, you don't have a pen." "Alright, Catherine, I absolutely do have a pen." "Oh, my God." "Turn around." " What?" " Turn around." "Green house." "You're still angry." "No, I'm not..." "Honestly." "No, I can tell." "The corners of your mouth are all pinched." "Well, are you my favorite person in the world?" "No." "But you know, I get it." "I get you, and that's it." "That's a bit severe, isn't it?" "Which part?" "Well, that you get me." "It's like you got the final word on me somehow?" "Well, I'm not qualified to make a judgment?" "Well yeah, but you haven't seen me in ten years." "Exactly." "I rest my case." "So much for small talk." "That's right." "Okay, look, I've had some problems with immigration recently." "The only way I'm gonna be able to stay in the country is if I can prove that I'm worth something to someone who's a citizen here." "Yeah, bureaucratic bullshit." "I see." "Combined with all my fucking mistakes." "So, what do you need, money?" "No." "I need you." "I need you and Arianwen to both need me." "What does that mean?" "If I can prove to the authorities that by deporting me they are going to 'cause you and Arianwen, and this is their words," ""extreme hardship,"" "then they'll let me stay." "Lachlan, you've been here ten minutes, you haven't even asked how she's doing?" "Well, of course I'm interested." "Sorry..." "How's she doin'?" "She's a great kid." "I'd like to see her." "Come on." "Just a meeting." "You, me, Arianwen." "We'll have a coffee, take it from there." "I know you haven't had it easy." "Neither of us have." "But for you to come here and ask me..." "Look, Catherine, look, you know, it ain't easy." "And it ain't easy sitting here asking you for this." "Ari's gonna come home soon..." "Good." "I don't think she's ready for this." "I was a selfish prick back then." "But I was also a fuck load of a good time." "And she knew, she knew she was signing on for a party." "She fucking knew that, man." "No way was she signing on for a husband." "A fucking father..." "Jesus Chri..." "Mmm." "I hate talking about this." "Where on Earth did you get that?" "I know where you got that." "That's Paul's, isn't it?" "Well, I stole it out of his crate." "This is an original..." "You know, you missed that." "So that..." "Is that you around the time you married her?" "And that's Jed?" "Aye." "She should have known you were a dead-ender." "I can tell." "What happened?" "Well, don't you know how to use Wikipedia?" "It's cool." "Crazy, crazy time, you know?" "Especially after that India tour." "That's when it all kicked off." "Sorry..." "It's Paul." "Hmm." "He's just... been texting me nonstop." "Hmm?" "You know what tonight is?" "No." "It's that Brit Pop thing." "He's begging us to come." " He knows I'm here?" " Yeah." "That's why he's hounding me." "He wants you to come." "Alright..." "And, uh, he wants his Cranks record back." "Okay." "I can just say we're not gonna go." "No, wait, wait, wait, no." "Let's go." "Seriously?" "Fuck it, why not?" "I could use the distraction." "Hey, Beau." "Gimme that motherfucker!" "Hey, man!" "How you been, man?" "So glad you made it!" "Yo, this is Lachlan from The Cranks!" "Oh, shit!" "They brought my record back." "Hey, you guys want a drink?" "Yeah, I'd love a drink." "Yeah, hello?" "Lachlan." "Catherine." "I'm only doing this because Ari's therapist thinks it'll be good for her, so..." "Okay." "Okay, what?" "A meeting One cup of coffee." "No promises beyond that." "Right, of course..." "of course not." "Two Figs at uh, 12:00?" "I'll be there." "Don't be late." "No, I won't be..." "Fuck me." "Oh, man." "Beau?" "Beau?" "Beau, I-I'm sorry, babe, I have to go." "You don't have any aspirin, do you?" "Yeah, just give me one second." " Hey." " Hey." "You were a piece of work last night." "Yeah?" "I remember nothing after a certain point." "My head seems to remember fucking everything." "Thanks." "My ex-wife wants to meet me after all." "That's good news, right?" "Well, she's bringing my daughter with her." "Good." "He's actually really nice." "He's funny..." "He's really funny." "Oh, he's right here." "Is that really you?" "Hey." "What did you do last night?" "Oh, it was a, it was like an event, like a tribute." "Yeah, live it up while you can." "Where was it at?" "You know, I've got absolutely no idea, but it was a wonderful night." "A large coffee, please." "Yeah, me too, thank you." "And could you get me a mimosa?" "Cheers." "So..." "It's really good to see you again, Arianwen." "Do you remember me?" "I" " I've seen some photos of you and Mom together." "Arianwen." "Oh, wee Arianwen." "Lachlan, you know, it's Ari." "What?" "Her name." "Mom, it's cool." "No it's not, it's your name." "What's Ari?" "Her name..." "It's Ari." "Well, that's what everyone calls me." "Arianwen's too complicated." "Nothing wrong with being complicated." "Well, no one can pronounce it." "Well, it's, you can, you pronounce it exactly the way you spell it." "No one can spell it either." "Fuck, it's a beautiful name." "A beautiful name and she thought so too when we chose it." "Hey, thank you." "Thank you." "So you're at high school." "Yes, ninth grade." "Ninth grade." "What's that, then?" "I think that's roughly the time I dropped out, in fact." "Yeah." "I didn't-I didn't actually drop out." "What I mean is that..." "I left one day and I didn't go back." "Why?" "To meet my brother, you see." "We went to Manchester, in England." "We went for the weekend, end up staying seven years." "What happened?" "Everything happened." "The music scene was buzzing and bunch of parties, lots of drugs, lots of drinking." "Let's just talk about now." "Let's just keep it to the present, you know?" "Yeah." "Now." "I got this form from my lawyer." "And it's a list of reasons why a person can claim extreme hardship from a relative, you know." "Lines one, two, three, and four." "You have a major medical condition, e." "G., brain tumor, multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy, for which you need your spouse to help take care of you." "You're caring for an elderly, chronically disabled..." " That's hilarious." " What is this?" "No, forget it, forget it." "Skip down to levels two and three." "Much more reasonable reasons, I guess." "Uh-uh." "I can't perjure myself..." "No, I don't want you to lie, Catherine... and I certainly won't let Ari." "Well, I don't want you to make her feel uncomfortable." "We can find language that works for us, you know?" "Look at you." "No, I won't re..." "I won't create a history that didn't happen." "We aren't creating anything, it's just a form." "It's nothing." "Could you speak to your mother, please?" "Oh, you're not serious, are you?" " Come on." " Lachlan, don't." "Fuck it." "Fuck it..." "Thank you very much, once again." "You're gonna leave?" "I knew this was never gonna work." "Sit down." "Come on." "Arianwen... it was really lovely to see you again." "Just finish your coffee." "Really lovely." "Lachlan, sit down, you're being ridiculous." "Later." "Okay, Warren, look, if you're pissed about yesterday," "I'd like to apologize." "Yeah, it's uh, this new girlfriend in LA?" "No, see now that's not where I was going." "Lachlan, the first half of you job on Saturdays is to get up and load the truck." "The second half of your job is to sell the produce." "The third half of your job is to bring the shit home and restock it." "This new deal where you stay in LA every weekend and make my son do your work, it is not acceptable." "I know, you're right." "This came for you." "It's from immigration." "I hope your shit's in order, man." "This will be the last edition of "Flame-Outs", my friends." "Looks like I'm gonna have to take my show on the road." "But, as promised," "I've saved the best for last." "And what could be better than the Western world's original tragic musician, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart." "Hey, what does a rocker like me know about Mozart?" "Than the Stones and the Sex Pistols, eh?" "Listen to this." "The man had more talent in his little pinky than most of us have in our entire body." "He worked to his very last on this one in order to finish it before he died." "Sadly, he didn't make it." "And not only did he come up short on his Requiem, but his wife, Constanze, she spent her husband's dying days hustling to try and get payment from the Count who commissioned the Requiem in the first place." "Unfinished business." "I played this, and it's for you." "Yes, Lachlan here for Mister Piper." "Yes, it's Lachlan." "Listen uh, I've been thinking about what you were saying." "It's really time for me to go back." "No, no, that's-that's just not gonna work out." "I want to go home." "I need to go home." "Hi, this is Beau's phone." "Leave a message." "Hey, Beau, it's Lachlan." "How you doin'?" "No, I just wanted to thank you for, oh, that lovely hospitality you gave me over the weekend." "That was really, really nice." "And you know, maybe, maybe a voice-mail isn't the right way to say this, but I really wanted to be that lad in your bed last night." "Fuck off." "Not Paul." "He's-he's not the man for you." "I mean, I'm not even saying that I am." "It's just that he's fucking definitely not." "Another wee one, Brian." "No, I think you're good, Lachlan." "Good, man, I'm always good." "Another wee one." "What's the matter with you, man?" "I've got money, I've got money." "My money's as good as anybody's in that fucking bar." "How about if I pour you?" "How about if I pour you, eh?" "That's right." "Warren." "Hey, tucked the kids up in bed, have you?" "Yeah, hours ago." "Hey." "Nice..." "Nice, lovely." "So I'm here to drive you home, my man." "I'm going fucking nowhere." "I'm listening to music, come on." "I'm gonna listen to some music." "John Lennon." "I love John Lennon." "What'd you go and die for, that bastard shot you." " Thanks for coming." " Yeah." " Janis Joplin!" " What happened?" " Cut 'em off." " The Doors, Jim Morrison!" "Tell you what, I'm not gonna be running out of subject matter, am I?" "What else?" "What else is on here?" "Hey, let's take a, let's take a load off." "Hey..." "Who the fuck says!" "Come on, man, don't..." "Flash of temper there, Warren?" "I got out of bed in the middle of the night to come get you, so let's just go." "Oh, away from your perfect wee farmhouse, eh?" "Your perfect wee kids all dressed up as cherries and bananas." "Don't talk bad about my family." "You talk about my family?" "You want to talk about my family?" "Do you know who's not in this jukebox?" "Do you know who's not in this jukebox?" "My brother, Jed." "And do you know why?" "Do you know why?" "I know fucking why!" "Because he died!" "He died before he got a chance to be in a fucking American jukebox!" "And it's my fault..." "I fucking killed him." "I can't go home." "I can't go home." "It's just a black night, man." "It'll-it'll feel different in the morning." "You ready to go now?" "No, I'll fucking go myself." "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." "Alright, now I'm not asking!" "And I'm not telling." "You really want to find out what happens if you get a second DUl?" "Yeah, no, actually that would be..." "You're not driving." "Give me the fucking keys." "You're not going to do it." "Ready?" "Thanks for coming to collect me, Beau." "You didn't have to do this." "I know." "Thanks, anyway." "Well I was your one phone call." "Your two phone calls." "I was wasted." "I'm really sorry." "You need to get your shit together." "Hey, Beau." "Oh, hi." "Sorry." "That's alright." "You're lost in music, eh?" "Hey, thanks for meeting me." "I like coming down here." "The buses are a pain in the butt, though." "How'd you get my number?" "Snuck it off my Mom's phone last night." "Excellent." "And what did Catherine have to say about that?" "Nothing." "She's at work." "I had to sneak out of school, though." "All that stuff I was talking about stopping off school," "I mean, I don't want you to think I was endorsing that in any way." "Oh, yeah, I know." "I'm like first in my class in grades." "Well, that's good." "That's really good." "I was shite in school." "Never stuck in, never applied myself, you know?" "Are you playing somewhere today?" "No, I don't, I don't play anymore." "Oh." "So, where do you work?" "On a farm." "That's weird." "Really?" "No, no, it's cool, it's cool." "What are you listening to?" "Oh, do you want to listen?" "Yeah." "Hey, you have good taste." "So, how long have you worked there?" "Oh, at the farm, four years now." "And before that you lived in LA?" "How come you never came to see us?" "What did your mother tell you?" "That she told you to leave us alone." "So, I did." "I guess... if it were me... at least I would have tried." "You know?" "Yeah." "You're right." "Alright." "Arianwen... would you like to run an errand with me?" "Hello?" "How ya doin', my friend?" "I don't know if you remember me," "I was here a few weeks back?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember." "Glad you came back." "My partner nearly tore me a new one when he heard you'd come by." "Apparently he was a fan of the Jam." "Well, I have to say that it's finally time for me and the old battle axe to go our separate ways." "Alright." "Let's take a look." "Is this a real Les Paul?" "You recognize it?" "I play in a band." "Guitar?" "I have a Gibson too, but it's just a regular one." "That's unbelievable." "It's not as bad as I thought it would be." "Let me see what I can get for you." "You're selling it?" " Yeah." " Why?" "I don't have any money, sweetheart." "I need some." "You know, I bet my partner's gonna keep this one for himself." "Yeah, well I hope he takes better care of it than I did." "So..." "This is good." "Yeah." "Um..." "I've got to get back before my afternoon class starts." "My bus picks me up over there." "I'll walk with you." "Okay." "Any plans for the summer?" "Not yet." "I may get a job at a coffee shop where my friend works." "Well... how do you fancy visiting me in Scotland?" "Are you kidding?" "No, I have to go back, unfortunately." "But hey, look..." "I'd really like give you something before I go." "Oh, wait a minute..." "Now look, all you have to do is promise that you'll buy a plane ticket with that." "I need to talk to my Mom about that first." "No, I'll call her, I'll convince her." "I wouldn't be so sure about that." "It'll be okay." "You're going back to Scotland?" "Afraid so." "Because I'll do that extreme hardship thing with the government if you want." "I don't mind." "Oh." "No." "Just promise me instead... you'll come visit me." "I promise." "And hey, let's get a cab instead." "Forget the bus." "Okay." "Here you are, bro." "I do remember you." "You do?" "My first memory." "You accidentally slammed the car door on my hand when I was three." "I had to go to the hospital and get stitches." "I'm so sorry, Arianwen." "It's okay." "It's something to remember you by." "I guess." "Yeah, I'm gonna see you soon." "Go on in." "See you now." "Hey, Catherine." "I hope you're happy." "Yeah, perfectly..." "Why do you ask?" "She's 14 and you hand her 600 bucks?" "Yeah, well, tell you what, why don't you come visit me too?" "So you're going back?" "Yeah." "Ari's therapist still thinks it's a good idea that she get to know her biological father." "She's... she's obviously an excellent therapist," "I would say." "Catherine, you still there?" "One week." "Thank you." "I want photos of where you're living." "I'm gonna email you a list of rules that we follow." "I know she'll stick to them." "Yes, dear." "It's you I'm not so sure about." "And just remember one thing." "She's 14." "Catherine..." "I'll be a good Dad." "How about you?" "You doin' okay?"