"babies." "I have been craving this burger all day." "Do you know what plays a huge role in helping a woman conceive?" "Cervical mucus." "I can't wait to see this movie." "I hear it's really scary." "Change of plans." "I rented this video of a live water birth." "They don't know what it is." "It just showed up on my mom's X-ray." "Look at this crib." "it wasn't a problem." "until the night of Barney's boutonniere." " You're wearing a flower." " Thank you." " Didn't compliment." "Just observed." " I know." " Why are you wearing that?" " Why does Barney do anything ever?" "Exactly." "Science." "There is an 83% correlation between the times men wear boutonnieres and the times they get laid." "Nana." "The "everyday boutonniere by Stinson." "And nope." "but no girl is going home with a guy with a flower on his chest." "and she's in the trunk of his car." "Along with 50 other clowns." "It's a clown car." "did you know that boutonniere is French for "bootie is near?" "True story." "Une histoire vraie." "Did you know that Barney is French for "sad little guy who works way too hard to get laid". so... that is an insult that cannot be borne!" "I demand satisfaction!" "are we gonna duel?" "No." "I'm gonna show everyone this embarrassing video of you." "y'all!" "Team Who's this fucking mother ?" "Strex" "TTT" "Titou" "we knew Aunt Robin had been a teen pop sensation known as Robin Sparkles." "And we also knew that her Robin Sparkles character which we'd never seen... 210)}until now." "210)}I cannot wait to see what's on this DVD!" "230)}" " You haven't watched it yet?" " Of course not." "230)}I wanted my first time to be with someone I cared about." "once." "do you want to go get a Korean massage on Saturday?" "230)}I'd love to." "I've got this knot in my neck that's so annoying." "210)}I figured I should get one now no more massages." "Just so annoying." "Space Teens?" "Is this a porno?" "dude." " Sweet!" "It's a kids' show." "{\*I don't know. }This does have all the earmarks of porn. 210)}delusional girl who thinks it's a stepping stone to{\* mainstream} success." "it's a big old bowl of "pornflakes"." "210)}And who is this exquisite keytarist 210)}I assume you're about to make{\* sweet} love to?" "210)}That's Jessica Glitter." "She was my BFF on the show and in real life." "210)}BFFs. 210)}but then end up kissing in a tender embrace?" "you know what?" "}" "we're not watching this." "Barney." "It's just a cute little story about... 210)}What exactly is this about?" "210)}Two average Canadian teenagers who solve crimes in space using math." "That sounds ridiculous." "210)}So sue me." "210)}Like the producers of Milky Way Mathletes tried to." "Great job using long division eh?" "What can I say?" "He'll be in galactic jail for the remainder of his life." "eh." "Brace for turbulence!" "as much as I hate 210)}this does seem to be a veritable "pornucopia"." "come on." "It's a kids' show!" "210)}Like Electric Company or Sesame Street or..." " You can't do that on television." " Exactly." "210)}You can't do that on television!" "I don't know whether to hug you crying and clenching your knees." "okay?" "he wasn't that great." "considering he was {\probably }only using one hand. and see something obscene." "try to look at this with the innocence of a child?" " Innocence of a child." " Coming up." "Here we go." "you've got to use multiplication." "To the joystick!" "let's multiply!" "Five times six?" "30." "Seven times four?" " 28!" " Keep going!" "Eight times nine?" " 72!" " Don't stop now!" "Almost there!" "23 times three?" "I'm sorry. seaweed on her and a seashell bra." "You all feel me?" "how come we've never met her?" "okay?" "I get a Christmas card we're not really friends anymore." "But BFFs are forever." "Lily." "Nobody stays friends with their high school friends." "he lives in Cleveland. he punches you really hard in the arm and tells everyone how you dookied your pants." "but you guys aren't really friends." "but it doesn't matter." "Observe." " Schmosby!" " Punchy!" "too." " If you're ever in New York." " Definitely." "We are just two peas." "I don't get it." "How can you and Glitter just stop being friends?" "Best friends don't do that." "so just drop it." "I got to go." "What do you think came between Robin and Jessica? I think I can solve this crime with math." "Here is a Christmas card that Jessica sent Robin." "three months." "right around the time" " she and Robin stopped being friends." " Of course." "Robin hates kids." "The last thing she would wanna do is hang out with some little brat." "if I may... I'm outta hare." "so Robin dumped her." "Lil?" "Robin's gonna dump me!" "Sweetheart." "When a second uterus plumped becomes..." "Dude." "Feel the room." "We've been waiting all day!" "Just watch it without me." "Two dudes on the couch together watching porn?" "That's kind of weird." "it's a kids' show." "Two dudes watching a kids' show might be worse." "I'll watch it with you." "But if either of you makes" "I'm turning it off." "I'm serious." "how's your beaver?" "Great." "How's your beaver?" "Busy as ever!" "Our characters had pet beavers." "Sure." "The beaver is the official animal of Canada." "It's our national mascot." "It's a noble creature." "girls." "Everyone knows a beaver's favorite food is wood." "I just hope we brought along enough of it for our three-day galactic space journey." "So let's do the math. how much wood will I need to keep both of these beavers well-fed all weekend long? how about we sing you a song about our beavers? and beavers are adorable!" "No arguments here." "'Sup Shmosby!" "what are you doing here?" "Yesterday you said if I was ever in New York." "turds?" "Okay..." "Where are you staying?" "In your mom's pants." "Trick." "She's old." "Don't worry about me." "I'm cool on the couch." "He's staying here?" "You're staying here?" "right?" "Feel like you're dreaming?" "brah." "Punchy's here in the flesh." "Ted?" "Remember these?" "High school?" "Junior high?" "Punchy's here." "remember when you dookied in your pants down by the lake?" "Unbelievable!" "remember when you dookied on our couch in the form of your idiot high school friend?" "Unbelievable!" "Come on." "I worry about the guy." "He's had the same dead-end job at a car rental place for 15 years." " Don't care." " He's been stuck in Cleveland" " his whole life." " Get a hotel." "LeBron." "one night." "Gotta go." " Where are you going?" "We just got here." " A Korean massage. reading What to Expect When You're Expecting to Expect." "did you see that?" "She's going to a Korean massage without me." "That's our thing. just like she dumped Glitter." "come on." "We don't even know that's what happened." "remember?" "Lily." "Robin is clearly getting tired of you constantly talking about babies." "I don't." " How old am I?" " 384 months." "Busted!" "maybe you should try hanging out with Robin and not talking about babies." "So Lily did just that." "She tried not to talk about babies." "what brings you to the crib?" " Crib..." " What's the matter?" "You look rattled." "Rattled?" " I want to talk about babies." " What? but I'm about to become a mother." "I'm gonna need the support... my God!" "You're not even pregnant yet." "What's that supposed to mean?" "It means that a fertilized egg has not yet attached itself to the lining of your uterine wall." "You see?" "I read your Facebook updates." "and I'm sick of it!" "guess what?" "I've got some good news. you don't have to see me." "This whole friendship thing?" "Done." " Great." " Great." "For crying out loud." "You broke up with Robin? we're better off without each other." "you sound about as convincing as you did the time you "accidentally" shredded my Joey Buttafuoco pants." "call Robin" " and fix this." " I can't." "The damage is done." "Can you just hold me? despite how adorable you are when you cry." "but then that is it." "Times Square's the bomb!" "I got so many great pictures of all the billboards." "there's more to New York than Times Square." "Central Park..." "They got better billboards then the ones in Times Square?" "Times Square's the bomb!" "okay?" "I'm going to go pee in the jar I got going in the alley." "he has got to go." "You are the weakest link." "Goodbye." "the tribe has spoken." "Please pack up your knives and go." "Your work of art didn't work for us." "Your time's up." "I have to ask you to leave the mansion." "You must leave the chateau." "Your tour ends here." "You've been chopped." "Yeah." "I know." "You've been evicted from the Big Brother house." "Your dessert just didn't measure up." "Sashay away." "Give me your jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen." "you did not get a rose." "You have been eliminated from the race." "You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model." "You're fired." "Auf Wiedersehen." "Come look at this." "I found a little wounded bird in the alley." "That's your scrotum." "Ted.You know what it is}." "Ted." "You always fall for that." "he's gotta go." "What are we doing in Madison Square Garden?" "You refused to talk to Robin so I thought{\*that } you might like to talk to... the organist for the New York Rangers." "Jessica Glitter?" "really." "I{\ just} made a list of all the keyboard-based occupations and {\*then }I cross-matched them... hoping to buy my Space Teens costume." "Glitter... be cool." "i}Is this the one who's best friend's with Robin now?" "More like ex-best friends." "Just like you." "I'm sorry to hear that." "I miss Robin. so..." "Robin didn't stop being friends with me." "I stopped being friends with her." "What?" "Why?" "Because I had a baby." "all that best friend stuff... that all goes out the window." "but it just didn't happen." "She took it pretty hard." "I even thought she might try to kill herself." "Charge!" "You dumped her just because you had a baby?" "That's cold." "Didn't you do the same thing?" "Minus the baby?" "I gotta go." "I gotta go apologize to Robin." "and that she'll always be a priority." "too." "And now I haven't even talked to her in five years." "I thought about but I just never have the courage to..." "Go ahead." "Do you guys get Big Chuck and Little John out here?" "it's time to go back." " Back to Times Square?" "Back to Cleveland." "bro." "I feel bad about leaving you out here." "Ted." "You worry about me?" "Yeah." "The other day when you called..." " Schmosby!" " Punchy!" "Ted}." " {\*Yeah. }You too." " If you're ever in New York..." " Definitely." "who was that?" " It was my friend Ted." "He sounded kind of depressed." "{\*Is this }The Ted who got left at the altar?" "He's not doing so good. nowhere near Times Square." "He's got no family around." "doesn't have a backyard." "It's just a bummer." "Maybe you should go visit him." "Cheer him up a little." "do the whole wounded bird trick." "You think that'd work?" "Worked on me." "Punchy." "She's my angel." "In fact..." "we're getting married." "That's..." "I'm really happy for you." "Ted." "Thanks." "that's the other reason why I came out here." "I wanted to see if you'd be my best man." "Of course I will." "you're stupid." "Dawg pound." "That's it..." "the Hoser Hut." "There you are." "I owe you a huge apology." "Me first." "and I'm sorry." "It's just..." "The last time my best friend had a baby..." "I know." "I know all about it." "It's not gonna happen with you and me." "And I'm sorry I've been crazy with this baby stuff." "I know you hate babies." "I hate most babies." "But your baby?" "I'm gonna love that kid so much." "I'm gonna pick it up and everything." "I'm so happy you guys made up." "too." "Where do I know this song from?" "}Which one of you put this on?" "come on" "When you feel alone" "Just pick up that phone" "And I'll be there to share my" "Ice cream cone" "We'll lick it side by side" "Barney." "come on." "Day is done" "Two beavers are better than one" "Two beavers are better than one" "They're twice the fun" "Ask anyone" "A second beaver can be" "Second to none" "Two beavers are better than one." "You're my favorite beaver..." "Two beavers are better than one" "Two beavers are better than one" "They're twice the fun" "Ask anyone" "A second beaver can be" "Second to none" "Two beavers are better than one."