"Mommy, it hurts." "Come on, honey." "It's only a little cut." "Come on." "Be a big girl." "You must really like your mayonnaise, young lady." " You're losing her, Doctor!" " clear!" "clear." "clear!" "Oh, my God." "There is a hell." "Oh, God, I'm so sorry." "It had nothing to do with you." "I mean, I've really enjoyed the time we spent together." "That's it?" "You've enjoyed the time we spent together?" "Honey, now you just hurry and get your butt back to work now." "You know we're lost without you." "well, it meant a hell of a Iot more to me." "Look, I'm sorry, but I didn't slice my wrists over you." "Why'd you go and do such a silly thing?" "well, why, then?" "!" "Kate, why?" "Why didn't you call us..." "and talk to us?" "Dr. Smith, please report to the emergency room." "Dr. Smith, emergency room." "If there's anything I can do..." "Anything." "The bug is ugly, but it lives in beauty." "Flight 14 from Albuquerque, arriving on platform two." "I need a ticket." " Where to?" " Wherever that'II take me." "You gotta tell me where you wanna go." "As far as I can." "At least would you-- would you give me a clue?" "What direction?" "That way." "No, thanks." "Excuse me." "Don't ever eat your mother." "Yes, ma'am." "I'd Iike to get off here." "So would I." "could you please let me out?" "Can't--it's not a stop." "I don't wanna go where we're goin'." "I wanna get out." "This is nowhere." "please?" "Got any Iicorice?" "No." "How much money you got?" "Some." "I'II let you off for six dollars." "Tired of walkin'?" "Try running' a while." "Just kiddin'." "Get in." "No, thanks." "Come on." "I'II give you a lift." "I wanna walk." "Where are you walkin'?" "How will you know when you get there?" " Where?" " There." "I'm not goin' there." "Okay." "well, good luck, then." "Poor little guy." "$1 .75" "It's got five legs." "I'II give you a dollar." "$1 .50" "$1 .25-- that's 25 cents a leg." "sold." "Wanna dance?" "Jesus." " Be careful, it's hurt." " It's hurt?" "What about me?" "Look." "Look at that." "What the hell are you doing here?" "Don't you remember last night?" "I don't remember anything." "God, my head hurts." "Yeah, you were sockin' it away pretty good last night." " Where's the dog?" " What dog?" "The one that shit in my mouth." "Look, would you please leave?" "You don't want me to leave already, do you?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I do." "This is my house too." "Where the hell are we?" "It was your idea to bust in here." "I wanted to go to a motel." " What'd you do to your wrists?" " Cut myself shaving." "Oh..." "I see." "We don't wanna talk about it." "please, you've had your way with me, now just leave me alone." "I thought you didn't remember." "I'm just assuming." "Never assume anything." "Hey, you knocked me out with an iguana last night--remember that?" "I got just the thing for that hangover." "Those are my underwear." "I got cold during the night." "I couldn't find my own." "It's the first time I ever got knocked out by an iguana." "I got slugged by a stuffed grouper once." "Here." "Look, would you please leave?" "Me?" "Okay, give me back my underwear, and I'II go." "What's the rest of our lives gonna be like if you're acting like this on our honeymoon?" "We're married!" "Preacher performed the ceremony-- the one with the big hat and the Indian lady." "You puked just before the "I do" part, but we cleaned you up, and you came back strong." "Made it through to the end." "Look..." "This is all really very funny, but I'm gonna give you your ring back now and you're gonna give me back my underwear." "Shit." "It's stuck." "Like I am on you." "Hey!" "I got pictures!" "It was a beautiful ceremony." "Just how I always dreamed it wouId be." "And a honeymoon in Paris." "Did we do it last night?" "Never mind." "I need a good fuck." "You got a good one in you?" "Come on, I want you to fuck this headache away." "What's your name, anyway?" "I don't wanna know." "Come on." "Fuck me." "Damn, that felt good." "I hadn't had a shower in four days." "Where'd you get this?" "I had it." "Shower's all yours." "I don't wanna shower." "Come on-- it'II make you feel better." "I feel fine." "well...you don't look fine." "Sittin' there with your shaved wrists." "Come on." "Let's get a bite to eat." "I don't wanna go out." "I wanna stay here." "For how long?" "A long time." "well, what are you gonna do?" "Just sit there gettin' dirtier by the day?" "Yeah." "Dirtier and stinkier till I'm nothing but stink." "You got a great stink." "I'II say that." "well, look..." "I'd Iike to stay here with you, but I think I prob" "Hey, I didn't ask you to stay." "Yeah." "well, I managed to get the gas turned on also, in case you get hungry." "The only thing that doesn't work is the power." "well..." "See ya." "What about your ring?" "Keep it." "Come on, happy campers!" "Get up!" "I got grub..." "and I got light." "What was that?" "I didn't hear anything." "What are you so jumpy about?" "What's this?" "It's tuna and mayonnaise." "Mayonnaise?" "I Iove mayonnaise." "I ate a whole jar once." "Just like mom used to make." "Oh, nothin'." "Nothin'." "You don't have to eat it if you don't want to." "No, I..." "I Iove it." "It's great." "Too bad I don't have my deep-fry with me." "I couId make you my best dish." "What's that?" "Fried mayonnaise balls." "Are you through?" "I'II wash the dishes then." "Is this your first time?" "What?" "Marriage." "Yeah." "How 'bout you?" "Never even been close." "You?" "Yeah." "I was close...once." "What happened?" "Cut myself shaving." "There's really not that much to say about it." "I mean..." "look "suicide" up in the dictionary, and they probably got my picture there." "It just seemed like the thing to do." "What--Iike...eating your lunch or taking a shit?" "Yeah..." "kinda was like that." "I was, uh, getting ready for bed." "I'd just washed my face." "And I remember thinking, "well, guess it's time to do it."" "And after I did it, I tried to brush my teeth." "No way." "I swear." "I even managed to get a little toothpaste on the toothbrush before I fell over." "Jesus!" "You got blood spurting' out all over the place, and you're tryin' to brush your fucking teeth?" "I guess I wanted them to find me with clean teeth." "I thought it was clean underwear." "I didn't have any on." "Rock!" "A tide...to carry me out." "I was so far away from the shore." "My lungs were on fire." "How could they be on fire with so much water?" "Penis." "Vagina." "Dick." "Pussy." " Cock." " Snatch." " Prick." " Cunt." " Pecker." " slit." " Peter." " Cooze." "SchIong." " Beaver." " Joint." " Gash." " Wienie." " Trim." " Wang." " wool." " Wand." "Come on, now." "Think." "Meat curtains." "Tube steak." " Bearded clam!" " Worm." "Grand Canyon." " Chester." " Chester?" "That's not one." " Yes, it is." " I never heard it." "That's what my little brother used to call his." "That doesn't count!" "Okay." "Okay, you win." "Damn straight." "I've always wanted one." "Just for a couple of days." "To see what it's like to put it in someone." "You ever wonder what it's like to be the one penetrated?" "I guess." "Sure." "But if you got a strap-on dildo, I don't wanna know about it." "Yours is pretty ugly." "But in a cute kind of way." "Like a bulldog." "One that's been in a Iot of fights." "What are all these little scars?" "Herpes, warts..." "Yeah, my pecker's a veritable battleground of old herpes scars and wart pocks." "I tell ya, for something that's supposed to be so...pleasant, there sure are a Iot of goddamn annoyances." "Does mine have any scars?" "No." "You're as smooth as silk." "Pretty as any I ever seen." "You know, they're all so different." "Sometimes it's like shootin' an oyster, with others it's like kissin' a rose." "Stranger, or an old friend comin' in out of the cold." "You're in there the smell, smooth, warm darkness." "Warm legs pressing against your ears, blocking out the sounds." "The whole world outside..." "Doesn't matter where you are you're home." "There's an article in here about a man who fell in love with a sea slug." "Divorced his wife, got fired from his job because he kept bringing the slug to work." "Now he lives with it in a dumpster...in Pittsburgh!" "They're married!" "Man!" "How'd that kid eat his mother?" "I didn't get to that one." "You ever been in love?" "No." "really?" "Never?" "hell, I've been in love 1 4 times." "No--wait." "You make 15." "Me?" "How can you be in love with me?" "How can I not?" "I used to think it could happen that way." "But it can't." "What way?" "What the hell are you talkin' about?" "You don't even know me." "I didn't say I knew you, I said I Ioved you." "hell, if you had to know somebody to love them, you probably never would." "Yeah, I think I know what you mean." "I remember seeing people across crowded rooms or in cars that pull up next to you." "And sometimes..." "there's something immediate." "Something that gets to you." "And there's this excitement, anticipation." "And you know you've gotta meet this person, say something to them." "You can't let this chance slip by." "But you do let it slip by." "You don't say anything." "And if you did-- if you did get to know them-- it'd ruin everything." "They wouldn't be at all like you imagined them to be." "They'd be just...ordinary." "Maybe that feeling that you have when it's all just looks before anything is said, maybe that's the closest you-- you ever come to feeling something." "Is that what you meant?" "That ain't what I mean at all." "I mean, Jesus, I ain't sayin' you can't love somebody if you know 'em." "What are you gonna do the rest of your life?" "Sit around all pie-eyed, mooning' at people across bars?" "Shit, man, get off your ass, go over there, and talk to 'em!" "They might be a dickhead, a fuckin' loser from the word "go,"" "but how are you gonna know unless you get off your ass?" "!" "What if they're the one?" "probably aren't, but what if they are?" "You let 'em walk away." "walk right out of your life altogether." "hell, I've been in love 1 4 times." "Fifteen." "And none of them have been perfect, ex" "There's always something wrong with people, you know." "They're not pretty enough, they aren't smart enough." "You know, they don't fit your idea of who you thought you'd end up with." "But there's something about 'em." "Something, every time that you just love the shit out of." "And that's enough?" "'Course that ain't enough." "That's why I'm on my 15th try." "Why shouldn't you find that person?" "You'II never do it." "If I don't, I don't." "So, in the meantime, you cut your wrists." "I didn't do it because of that!" "One way or another, you did it because of that." "No, I didn't." "I mean, Jesus!" "What do you think?" "That that's the only conceivable reason someone might do what I did?" "!" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "So, why did you do it?" "I mean, look at you." "You're so beautiful." "What does that have to do with anything?" "So, why did you do it?" "Don't you know?" "." "I mean, you really don't know?" "." "Just forget it." "Come on, Iet's go clean that wound." "Ever wanted kids?" "Now what?" "Okay, I guess I did it because I'm unfulfilled as a woman." "What is your problem?" "I was just wondering if you ever wanted kids." "Where did you get that?" "7-EIeven." "The baby!" "Where'd it come from?" "well, it all starts when a boy and a girl fall in Iove" "Goddamn it, you can't just go out and steal a baby!" "Take him back." "Him's a her." "You're out of your fucking mind!" "You're right, I am." "But you know what?" "You make me look perfectly sane." "Look..." "Be quiet." "Boy, this is what it's all about." "Mama with the baby, and Papa in front of the TV with a beer." " You're an asshole." " Just like a Norman rockwell." "Oh, please shut up." "Maybe the poor little thing's hungry." "Hungry?" "Yeah..." "What do I feed it?" "Try that." "Maybe she takes after her mom." "You know, you got somebody around that can't feed himself, can't wipe their own ass... you got less time to think about your own problems." "Is that your philosophy of Iife-- "try not to think about things too much"?" "No." "More like, "There's more important things to think about...than yourself."" "Take her back where you got her." "It's me!" "Open up!" "You can't come in!" "Come on, open the door." "Open the goddamn door!" "Stay back." "What's the matter with you?" "Gimme that." "You're crazy." "I'm crazy?" "stealing babies, guns under the bed!" "What are you running from?" "Same thing you are." "Stay back!" "I'II use this!" "Do it." "Go ahead." "Do it!" "I really wish you would." "Go ahead!" "You're still tryin' to do it, huh?" "Want me to help you?" "Huh?" "!" "You want me to help you?" "I will." "I'II give you a little help here." "I killed you." "I'm sorry." "Oh, God." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Don't make me go out there." "please." "I don't wanna go out there again." "I killed her." "What else could I do?" "She was the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning." "She was the Iast thing I thought about before I went to bed." "She was in all my dreams." "I ate her, I drank her, I breathed her, I..." "What else could I do?" "I didn't have any idea." "Not even a clue until..." "I was already dressed." "I was..." "I was ready to go." "And I couId hear the organ music coming through the wall, and..." "I mean, how could she keep it from me, how could I not see it?" "smell it?" "I didn't even hear it from her." "Her father came in." "Her father came in and said..." ""My daughter has decided not to go through with it."" "That was it." "He left." "They hurried her out of the church, and I didn't even get to talk to her." "I remember my teeth hurting' like hell." "AII of a sudden, my teeth just started hurting'." "AII of 'em." "Then there were the pops." "Firecracker pops." "Then there was the gun." "My cap gun." "That" "That's what was making the noise--the cap gun." "But it was too big." "The cap gun was too big." "It" "Like my hand." "Everything was too big." "Then there was the blood." "Her head lying in it." "blood was flowing out from around her head." "It was like her head was Iying in a rose." "Like a rose was coming out from around her face." "What else could I do?" "How could I Iive knowing that someone I Ioved that much was in this world, and I couldn't be with her?" "I wasn't brave like you." "I was a coward." "I couldn't kill myself." "So I killed you." "I killed myself." "Why?" "'Cause I was a bug without a rose." "Because I'm a secretary." "And I wanted to be a brain surgeon." "A ballerina." "Because..." "the longing never stopped." "The first thing I felt when I woke up in the morning was longing." "And the Iast thing before I went to bed at night." "Longing for what?" "For something." "What happens along the way?" "You come into this world in this perfect little package." "Ripped from a place of warmth and floating." "Perfect comfort." "They slash your cord and..." "slap the shit out of you." "And then you're moving." "Running." "Never walking;" "always running." "Running, always fast." "always headlong and never halfway." "Whizzing, bashing, crashing...rolling." "Nothing getting old, no matter how many times you do it." "I remember this guy appearing..." "disappearing, appearing, disappearing." "I feel the grass on my face." "Grass sprouting everywhere around you." "And then you're sprouting all arms and legs and...crying." "Confusion." "Anticipation." "Growing." "Sprouting." "Hair sprouting under your arms and your crotch." "And the blood." "Your first time..." "on the beach." "Waiting for the water to wash it away." "The waves pounding." "Pounding, pounding..." "And the boobs." "Hours spent in front of mirrors pulling at the little hills." "Trying to stretch them." "Imagining big boobs." "And boys' hands." "And love." "I remember the green and the cold." "I remember the rain falling on my face." "And the light shining in my eyes through the trees." "The rain splashing in my mouth." "When does it happen?" "When exactly?" "How exactly?" "How does a ballerina become a secretary?" "And then the complaining." "You're tired of hearing yourself complain about being overworked and underappreciated in a job you don't even care about in the first place." "bills, rents, succeeding, security, comfort." "Convenience." "Mini-maIIs." "miles per gallon, birthdays, calories." "Counting." "AII the counting." "Counting on love." "Oh, it'II happen." "It has to." "But love isn't counting and comfort and security." "It's danger." "It's just strangeness." "And the sky appearing, disappearing." "And it doesn't happen." "And things don't turn out the way you thought they would." "Not even close." "So far away." "And the gap between the way you feel inside... and the way that things are becomes so wide that you know you'II never close it." "So you open your veins." "You let the rose inside of you spill out." "Let's get out of here." "Where would we go?" "I don't care." "I don't think we should go out there." "Why?" "It'II happen." "What?" "What always happens." "Your old fear of the ordinary again." "What--it won't get ordinary in here?" "What is this pIace--magic?" "It'II get ordinary in here, too." "old and ordinary." "So what?" "I happen to like the ordinary." "There's a constant challenge to find something exciting about it." "And you know what?" "I do." "constantly." "It never ceases to amaze me how something so ordinary like you can turn out to be so goddamn extraordinary." "will you take me somewhere?" "Anywhere." "I used to roll down this hill." "There was a big grassy field down there." "I'd get to the bottom and try to stand up but I'd be so dizzy I couldn't." "I'd just fall back down on the grass laughing." "Why did you wanna come here?" "There's one more place I wanna go." "Kate!" "Kate, is that you?" "Andy?" "I can't believe it's you." "How are ya?" "You look great." " I'm sorry." " Oh, no." "It's okay." "This is my boy Ted." "Hey, Teddy, this is Kate." " Hi." " Hi." "We weren't much older than him the Iast time I saw you." "Do you remember our meadow, Andy?" "Meadow?" "." "Where that big building is now." "Our meadow." "We really had some times there, didn't we?" "We sure did." "Hi." "I'm Andy." "Hi." "We better hit the trail." "It's, uh..." "good seeing you, Kate." "Bye." "You take care." "I wanna go back." "No way." "Not with those cops back there." "No." "No, to the house." "I wanna go." "please?" "please take me back there." "You don't have to stay if you don't want to." "I want you to stay with me." "I won't leave you." "Let's never leave here." "We can't stay forever." "Why?" "We could die in here." "We could fuck ourselves to death." "Yeah." "Let's get out of here!" "Where's the cat?" "!" "Come on, Iet's go!" "Let's go!" "Let's go!" "Come on, Iet's get out of here." "You wanna dance?" "Who owns the black convertible out there?" "hold it!" "Piss." "bullshit." "I can't go back to jail." "I've been there before." "Drive fast then." "Goddamn." "Fifteen's my lucky number!" "Don't ever try what you tried again." "Okay." "Hey..." "What's your name?" "Kate." "What's yours?" "I can't..." "seem to remember." "Over a stolen car." "stolen car?" "!" "He--he killed his girlfriend!" "He didn't kill anybody." "He stole her car." "We picked it up on the computer." " Need a ride anywhere?" " No, thanks." "Where you goin'?" "well, good luck." "My dearest daughter Katie, how can I tell you all the things I wanna tell you?" "I don't even know you yet." "What can I say about your father?" "There've been other men since your father, Katie." "There will be others to come." "But there was something about that brief moment we spent together." "Maybe it was the time he came along." "Maybe it was him." "Who can say?" "Who can separate the person from the moment?" "I never even knew his name." "But he gave me you." "With your mouth to feed and your ass to wipe and your little body growing by leaps and bounds every day." "Maybe this, my darling Katie." "Maybe I'll say just this." "There'll be bugs and there'll be roses." "There'll be blood..." "and water to wash it away." "So open your mouth wide and drink in the rain." "Tumble headlong down the grassy hill under the flip-flopping sky." "And with all your strength, become what you're becoming."