"HARVEY" "After you." "This three forty-eight?" " Yes, it is." "I've got a special delivery here." " Now that sounds interesting." "For Dowd." " Dowd's my name." "Elwood P." "Let me give you one of my cards." " Just sign right here." "Beautiful day." " Oh, every day's a beautiful day." "Thank you." "Nice man." "Come on." "It's wonderful to have your relative out before the company comes." "Well, if you're sure Uncle Elwood won't come back and spoil everything." "Of course not, dear." "Your uncle always spends the afternoon downtown at those filthy bars and taverns, you know that." "I'll tell the caterists to start." "Miss Johnson, what are you doing?" "Leaving!" " Miss Johnson, you were hired to serve as well as cater." "Our guests will be here any minute." " Miss Johnson." " Let me handle this." "What's wrong?" " There was a man here and he stopped and he spoke to me." "You didn't tell him about our party, did you?" " I didn't tell him nothing." "He gave me his card." "And then he introduced me to somebody." " To whom?" "Do you think I'd stay in this house after that!" "People get run over every day." "Why can't it happen to Uncle Elwood?" "Myrtle Mae Simmons, I'm ashamed of you!" "Even if people do call your uncle peculiar, he's still my baby brother." "And this thing is not his fault." " Whose fault is it then?" "We'll get the cook to do the serving." "Come along and lend me a hand, dear." "We haven't got much time." " Well, if it isn't his fault, whose fault is it?" " I know whose fault it is, but I'm not telling." "You're not telling!" " Elvira!" "Elvira!" "You can bring those things in now." "Why can't we live like other people?" " Do I have to keep reminding you?" "Your Uncle Elwood is not living with us." "We're living with him." "Living with him and his pal!" " You promised." " His pal Harvey." "You said that name!" "You promised you wouldn't say it and you said it!" "Mother, why did Grandmother leave all of her property to Uncle Elwood?" "She died in his arms." "People are sentimental about things like that." "It doesn't make sense!" "She couldn't make out a will after she died." "Oh Myrtle!" "Don't be didactic!" "It's not becoming in a young girl." "Besides, men loath it." " Men!" "A fine chance I've got!" "Now Myrtle, dear, you know the whole idea of this party is to... get you started socially." "So you meet nice young men." " Oh, what's the use?" ""Myrtle Mae Simmons." "Her uncle Elwood P. Dowd is the biggest... screwball in town." Who'd want me?" "Myrtle, dear, you're sweet and you have so much to offer." "I don't care what anyone says." "There's something sweet in everyone." "And a man takes that sweetness and look what he does with it." "Oh, show some poise, dear!" "I want you to charm Mrs. Chauvenet." "She has a grandson your age." " A lot of good if Uncle Elwood comes home." "Uncle Elwood won't be home this afternoon." "Or will he?" "I'm going to telephone Judge Gaffney." "We can't take any chances." "Mother, you better hurry." "Mrs. Halsey and Miss Tewksbury are here already." " Yes, I am hurrying." "Well hurry, mother." "They're getting out of the car." "Judge Gaffney, please." "Mrs. Veta Simmons calling." "Yes?" "Oh, put her on." "Veta, my girl." "This is a pleasure." "Judge, we haven't got a moment to lose." "I'm having a reception for" "Ethel Chauvenet." "Elwood's gone out but I'm afraid he may come back." "You can understand why..." "Oh, Miss Tewksbury and Mrs. Halsey!" "Go right into the drawing room." "Myrtle, dear, take their things." "Yes, you've got to help me, Judge." "Speak up!" "Veta!" "Why can't we?" "Is that so?" "Oh hello, Mrs. Strickleberger!" " Hello, Mrs. Simmons." "Oh no." "Yes, that'll be alright." "You can depend on me." "Alright." "Minninger, in a few minutes a man will be crossing the square." "He'll be wearing a hat and coat and carrying another one." "Follow him." "Quietly of course." "But at all events I want you to prevent him going home." "His sister is giving a party." "He wouldn't fit in." "He's Elwood P. Dowd." "Couldn't you get someone else, Kratky or Bagby?" "They're bigger than I am." "You'll be able to hide better." "Hurry now and stick with him all afternoon." "Quickly, boy, quickly!" " Quickly, OK, sir." "Oh, elevator!" "Come in!" "Yes..." "Who is it?" "The doctor will see you in a minute." "Good afternoon, Mr. Dowd." " Howdy." "We must be more careful." "After you!" "How do, Mr. Dowd!" " 'Afternoon, Mr. Cracker." "Excuse me." "How is he?" " Oh, he's just fine." "How are you?" " Oh, can't complain." " That's good." "How's this, is this alright?" "You're sure?" "Well, I'll give you a hand." "Don't slip!" "Now, you're sure this is alright?" "You wouldn't prefer a booth?" " Would he prefer a booth, Mr. Dowd?" " He seems to prefer the bar today." "And good afternoon to you, sir." "Mr. Meegels is back." " Oh!" "Excuse me a minute." "Well, Mr. Meegels!" "This is a pleasure." "We've missed you." " How are you, Mr. Dowd?" "Fine." " And how is he?" " Oh, he's splendid." "He decided he wanted to come over here this afternoon, so here we are." "Sit down." " Thank you." "You've been away." "For ninety days." "And doing a job for the state." "Making license plates." " Oh, is that so?" "Interesting work?" "Oh, I can take it or leave it." "I did a job for 'em last year too." "Helping 'em build a road." "Well, Mr. Meegels, we'll just have to do something about your return." "You like to come for dinner tonight?" " Thanks, I couldn't make it tonight." "Tomorrow night, would that suit you?" " Yes." "But you know the last time I was there, I kind of got the impression your sister held it against me because I did a little time..." "Oh no, Mr. Meegels." "My sister loves to entertain." "She's very social." "Yes, I see by the papers." "You know I never miss the society column." "She's got a clambake this afternoon." " This afternoon?" " Yes." "Reception programme and tea, it says." "For members of the Wednesday Forum, for that rich Mrs. Chauvenet." " Chauvenet." "Yes, Ethel." "Sounds nice." "Is it today's paper?" "Well, Veta didn't tell me anything about this." "Must have slipped her mind." "Well, I'll see you tomorrow night at seven." "Thanks, Mr. Dowd." " Goodbye." "Harvey, I just..." " What can I do for you, Mr. Dowd?" "What did you have in mind?" " What's your order?" "Two martinis." " Two martinis." "Harvey, it seems that Veta is having a party this afternoon." "And I..." "Hmm?" "Oh, you knew?" "I thought she might be offended if we weren't there." "After all, she's the only sister I have and I..." "How's that?" "And the only one I'm ever likely to have." "You're absolutely right." "Well, we'd better hurry." "That'll be four bits." "The one at that end will pay for it." " Come back!" " He'd be delighted." "He'd be delighted." "Well, let's drink up." "Mother?" "Mrs. Chauvenet's here." " Mrs. Chauvenet is here." "Oh..." "Aunt Ethel!" " Veta Louise Simmons, I thought you were dead!" "Oh no, I'm very much alive, thank you." "And this is my daughter, Myrtle Mae." " You're your grandmother all over." "I was at her funeral." "And now where is Elwood?" "Elwood couldn't be home today." "That's Miss Tewksbury singing." "She'll be through in a minute." " That was the main reason I came!" "Do you realise I haven't seen Elwood in years?" "I was saying to Mr..." "What do you want, my dear?" "Just the other night, what on earth do you think happened to Elwood Dowd?" "He never comes to the Yale Alumni dances any more." "I haven't seen him at the club or horse show in years." "Does Elwood see anybody these days?" "Oh yes." "Elwood sees somebody." " Yes, Aunt Ethel, he does." "Well, is Elwood happy, Veta Louise?" " Oh yes, Elwood is very happy." "Now you mustn't worry about Elwood." "There's Mrs. Cummings waving at you!" "Is that Mrs. Cummings?" "Doesn't she look ghastly!" "I thought she was dead." "I must get a closer look!" "Oh, we can go in now." " What did I do..." "Oh there it is." "Oh no!" "Elwood!" "Elwood Dowd!" "Bless your heart!" "Aunt Ethel!" "What a pleasure to come and find a beautiful woman waiting." "Oh Elwood, you haven't changed." "Elwood!" "Well, well." "You both look lovely." " Elwood, some mail came for you, so I put it up in your room." " Did you, Veta?" "That's nice of you." "Aunt Ethel, I'd like to have you meet a very..." " Don't you want some tea?" "Not now." " There's punch if you don't like tea." " Stop pulling me, you two!" "Elwood, what night next week can you come to dinner?" "You, Veta and Myrtle." "I'll have Audway there, my grandson." " Any night at all." "Be delighted." "I'd like to meet Audway." "And now Aunt Ethel, I'd like you to meet Harvey." "Harvey, you heard me speak of Aunt Ethel, one of my dearest friends." "She's the one who..." "Hmm?" "That's right." "Well, this is the one." "No, she's the one." "He says he would have known you anywhere." "Well, we must go in and greet the rest of our friends." "Come on Harvey!" "Oh, Aunt Ethel, will you pardon me." "You're standing in his way." "There we are." "I'll see you in a minute." "Aunt Ethel, I see you're disturbed about Harvey." "Now, please don't be!" "He stares that way at everybody." "It's his way." "But he likes you, I can tell." "He likes you very much." "I'm coming, Harvey." "Well, I think I'll be running along." " No tea?" "Or punch?" "No, no." "I'm going." "...turkey wings and walnut dressing..." "Oh no!" "Elwood!" "Oh no, not Mrs. Halsey!" "Now, she has a nephew." "He's a bit old, but he would have done at a pinch." "I just can't face those people." " Myrtle, your uncle has disgraced us for the last time." "I'm going to see to that." "You're no match for him." " Where are you going?" "Upstairs to pack." "I'm going to lose myself." "I'm going to change my name." "No, don't do that yet, dear!" "Wait until I telephone Judge Gaffney." "I'm going to do something I should have done long ago." "I don't understand it." "Mr. Minninger is as trustworthy as the Bible." "I don't know anything about your Mr. Minninger, but I do know Elwood." "And he's here, I tell you!" "If you insist he's there, then I must act on the assumption he's there." "Minninger!" "You failed!" " No, Judge." "I didn't fail." "I haven't tried yet." "I've been in the doctor's office." "Excuse me, hold on, Judge." "Oh, Mrs. Halsey," "Mrs. Krausmeyer, you're not leaving?" " Goodbye." "It's been jolly." "Won't you join us again tomorrow night." "Harvey and I are having a few people." "Very informal." " Forgive me!" "One of my stupid headaches." "Such a lovely party!" " Goodbye!" "Elwood, I'd like to talk..." " Veta, what..." "I'd like to talk to you, Elwood." " Well, I'd like to talk to you too." "Well, this is very important." "Would you mind coming into the library?" "Oh, of course." "Elwood, I want to talk to you." "Elwood, I want you to wait here." "Now don't move, I'll be right back." "Certainly." "I have a little free time and you're welcome to all of it." "You want Harvey to wait too?" " Oh yes, Elwood, I certainly do." "Hello, speak up, I say!" " Did you say something, Harvey?" " Who said that?" "Are you there, girl?" "Hello?" "Veta?" " Hello, who is it, please?" "Oh Judge, I'm so glad you called." "I was just going to call you." "Yes." "Omar, we've got to take those steps we discussed once you know." "Yes, I want you to make all the arrangements." "Yes, by all means, yes." "So that was Omar." "We've been neglecting the judge lately." "Do you know it's been weeks since Harvey and I have been to his office." "Let's go tomorrow, shall we?" " You and I may take a little ride later." "Oh, I'd like that." "Only the other day Harvey said it's a long time since we went for a drive." "You're very sweet and thoughtful." " Now, don't forget to wait for me." "Make yourself comfortable, Harvey." "Alright?" "Veta wants to talk to us." "She... said it's very important." "I..." "I think she wants to congratulate us on the impression we made at her party." "Jane Austen. "Sense and Sensibility."" "Hmmm?" "Oh, Random House." "No, it's deluxe edition." "Usual acknowledgements." "Chapter one." ""The family of Dashwood had been long settled in Sussex..."" "Will you wait here for me, Elwood?" " Do you want both of us to wait?" "Oh yes, Elwood, both of you." "I won't be long." "Driver, will you keep an eye on him, please?" "I won't be but a minute!" "Charming place, isn't it, Harvey?" " The name's Henry." "It's Henry, Harvey." " No, just plain Henry." "My name's Dowd, Elwood P." "Here, let me... let me give you one of my cards." "If you should ever want to call me call me at this number." "Don't call me at that one." "That's the old one." "If you happen to lose the card, don't worry." "I have plenty more." "Mrs. O. R. Simmons, 348 Temple Drive, right?" " Yes." "We were born and raised there." "It's old, but we love it." "It's our home." "And you wish to enter your brother here for treatment." "What's his name?" "It's..." "Oh dear." "Mrs. Simmons, what is your brother's name?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "Life is not easy for any of us." "It's Dowd, Elwood P. Dowd." "Elwood P. Dowd." "His age?" "Forty-two, the 21st of last April." "He's Taurus the bull." "I'm Leo and Myrtle's on the cusp." " You have him with you now?" "He's outside waiting in the taxicab." "He always does what I tell him." "I see." "Is he married?" " No, Elwood never married." "He always stayed with mother." "He was a great home boy." "He loved his home." " Wilson, there's a Mr. Dowd outside in a cab." "Ask him if he'll be good enough to step up to Room 24, South Wing G." "Ask him?" " Wilson, this is his sister, Mrs. Simmons." "Oh, how do?" "Why certainly, I'll be glad to escort him." "I'll see if Dr. Sanderson can see you, Mrs..." "Dr. Sanderson?" "I want to see Dr. Chumley himself." "Dr. Sanderson is the one who sees everybody." "Dr. Chumley sees no-one." "I'll tell him you're here." "Isn't this wonderful, Veta?" " OK..." "Oh, you startled me!" "I'm sorry, Mrs. Simmons." "I am Dr. Sanderson." "Miss Kelly tells me you're concerned about your brother, Mr..." "Mr..." "The card, Miss Kelly!" "Miss Kelly!" "The card, please!" "Mr. Dowd, Elwood P. Dowd." "This way, Mrs. Simmons." "I'm sorry if I awakened you, Miss Kelly." "I'm sorry." "I do hope you don't think I'm always as jumpy as this." "But this is not easy for me, Doctor." " Naturally these things aren't easy." "Won't you sit down, Mrs. Simmons?" " Thank you." "How long has it been since you first noticed any peculiarity?" "Well, as a baby he was perfectly normal." "I know." "I was his big sister and I had to change him." "Babies do need changing." "But I noticed he seemed different after we came back, after mother had died." "Myrtle Mae and I came back to live with him." "I could see that he..." "That he..." " That he what?" "Now take your time." "Don't strain." "Just let it come." "I'll wait for it." " Doctor, everything I say to you is confidential, isn't it?" "I am not a gossip, Mrs. Simmons." "I'm a psychiatrist." " Of course." "Well, for one thing, he drinks." " To excess?" "To excess?" "Don't you call it excess when a man never lets a day go by without stepping into some tavern, bringing home a lot of riffraff?" "If you don't call that excess, I'm sure I don't know what excess is." "I didn't doubt your statement." "I just want to know if your brother drinks." "Well, yes, I'd say definitely." "Elwood drinks." "And I want him committed here because I cannot stand another day of that Harvey." "Don't you think it would have been kinder to have written us about him?" "Well, I really couldn't answer that." " Well, I can." "It would have." "Yes." "Now this person that you call Harvey." "Now, who is he?" " He's a rabbit." "Yes, perhaps." "But just who is he?" "Someone your brother picked up?" " Doctor, Harvey is a rabbit." "A big, white rabbit." "Six feet high or is it six feet three and a half." "Heaven knows, I ought to know." "He's been around the house long enough!" "Mrs. Simmons, if I'm not mistaken..." " Doctor, don't you understand?" "The rabbit's name is Harvey." "Harvey lives at our house." "Elwood buys theatre tickets and rail road tickets for both of them." "He's lost interest in everything else." "And here I'm trying to get Myrtle Mae started with nice young people." "That's my daughter." "Doctor, I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone." "Not even Myrtle Mae." "Every once in a while," "I see this big white rabbit myself!" "Now, isn't that terrible?" "And what's more he's every bit as big as Elwood says he is!" "Now don't ever tell that to anybody, Doctor!" "I'm ashamed of it." "Mrs. Simmons, I can see that you've been under a great strain lately." "You just try living with those two and see how much of a strain it is!" "Your mother's death depressed you?" " Nobody knows how much." "Now, don't you worry, Mrs. Simmons." "I'm going to help you." " Oh, Doctor!" "Miss Kelly?" "Wilson?" "Wilson!" "You just sit there and make yourself comfortable." "I'll only be a minute." "Wilson?" "Wilson!" "Hello." "Oh, lady!" "You told me to keep an eye on that fella, but a guy in a white coat..." "That's quite alright, you just wait." " What should I do about his case?" "Oh, Elwood's things!" "I'd better come and get them, I guess." "He might need them." "Oh dear..." "Fine time to leave the desk just when I've got a new patient in my office." "Sound the gong." "That poor woman mustn't leave." " Made a getaway, Doc?" "Her condition is serious!" "Go and take her to Upper West R." " Right." "Where is she?" "That little dame?" " She's picking some posies." "She wants to bring them to someone inside." "Is it safe to wait around?" "I don't see no bars on these windows." " Don't need them." "Anybody tries to climb through, it'll sound like a three-alarm fire." "Hello, sweetheart." "Well, well." "Those for me?" "For you?" "They're for my brother Elwood." "He's devoted to ranunculus." "Sure." "Wouldn't you like to come in and pick some off the wallpaper?" "No thank you, these will do nicely." "Good day." " Lady?" "Come, lady!" "Now really ..." " There's a man inside wants to talk to you." " No, I..." "No, you let me go!" "Help!" "Police!" "What do we want with the police?" "They're no fun." "You let me go." "I'm a respectable woman!" " That's for sure." "Now come..." "Help!" "Oh, Dr. Sanderson..." "Give me a hand, beautiful." "I'll sit on her." "You strip her clothes off." "You'll just have to wait." "I've got to give a guy a bath." " Make it snappy!" "Somebody help me!" "Anybody!" "Come, please..." "Doc?" "That Simmons dame's all set." "No trouble at all." "Well, that's fine." "I'll be right in to prescribe preliminary treatment." "Don't you ever stay in your office?" " I had to give a hypo to Upper Nine." "Telephone this Elwood P. Dowd." "His sister's condition is serious." "But doctor..." " He'll have to sign these commitment papers for her." "She said it was her brother." " Of course she did." "That's the oldest dodge in the world." "Always used by a cunning psychopath." "Get him on the phone." " But Doctor, I thought the woman was alright, so I had Wilson take the brother up to number 24." "He's there now." "You had Wilson take the brother in?" "Come on, no gags." "You're not serious?" "I did, Doctor, I did..." "Doctor, I'm terribly sorry." " Oh, you're terribly sorry?" "Well, that's fine." "That fixes everything." "That's just wonderful!" "Oh no, Kelly!" "Do you realise what you've done?" "This man Dowd can sue us for false commitment." "He can own the sanatorium and I'll be out before you can say stupid, incompetent and inefficient!" "I'll tell Dr. Chumley you had nothing to do with it." "It was all my fault." "You're the last person in the world I'd ever want this to happen to." "This is hardly time to go into the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet." "There's never any time or place!" "See if you can get him down here." "I'll break the news to Dr. Chumley." " But what shall I say to Mr. Dowd?" "What'll I do?" "He'll probably be so furious, he'll refuse to come down." "He's fit to be tied, but he's a man!" " I guess so." "His name is Mister." "Well, go into your routine." "You know, the eyes, the swish." "I'm immune to it but I've seen it work on some people." "Now you get him down here, Kelly." "Dr. Chumley, I'm afraid there's been a serious error." " Dr. Sanderson, we don't permit errors in this institution." "Mr. Dowd?" "Elwood P. Here, let me give you one of my cards." "Mr. Dowd, I'm Miss Kelly." "I'm at the reception desk." " Happy to know you." "Thank you." "I was wondering if you'd come downstairs to Dr. Sanderson." "There's something he'd like to explain to you." " I'd be glad to, but there was another charming girl and she asked me to wait." "She said something about a bath." "I don't like to disappoint her." "She seemed to have her heart set on it." " That's quite alright." "Let Dr. Sanderson explain everything." " Mr. Dowd, you haven't peeled yet!" "No and I regret this, but Miss Kelly seems to want me to go with her." "Miss Kelly, you've met Miss Dunphy?" " Yes, of course." "Well, I want both of you to meet a..." " It seems there's been a mistake." "I have a suggestion." "Why don't I do what she wants and then go with you?" " That won't be necessary, Mr. Dowd." "Goodbye, my dear." "You could have had a bath too." "I've already had a bath." " Oh Miss Kelly, I was speaking to my friend." "Mr. Dowd I take a bath every morning just before I go on duty." "It's always such a pleasant way to start the day." "No, after you." "Mr. Dowd?" " Elwood P. Let me give you one of my cards." "I am Dr. Sanderson, Dr. Chumley's assistant." " Well, good for you!" "Happy to know you, Doctor." " I asked Miss Kelly to bring you down here..." "Isn't she lovely?" "Isn't she..." "You're very lovely, my dear." "Why, thank you, Mr. Dowd." "Some people don't seem to think so." "Well, some people are blind." "I'd like both of you to meet a very dear friend." " Why don't we sit down?" "Won't you have a chair, Mr. Dowd?" " Thank you very much." "Please, sit down." " After Miss Kelly." " Oh no, really." "I couldn't." "But you sit down please." " After you." " Sit down, Kelly!" "Anything we can do for you?" " What did you have in mind?" "Is your chair comfortable?" " Yes." "Would you care to try it?" " No." "How about a cigarette?" " No, I..." " Yes, a cigarette." "You have us at a disadvantage here." "Now you know it and we know it so let's lay our cards on the table." " Well, that certainly appeals to me." "Best thing." "You know people are people, no matter where you go." "That is very often the case." " And humans are liable to make mistakes." "Now Miss Kelly and I... made a mistake and we'd like to explain it to you." "You see the truth is..." " You and Miss Kelly here?" " Yes." "Out here this afternoon?" " Yes, Mr. Dowd." "We hope you'll understand." "Oh yes." "These things are often the basis of a very long warm friendship." "It wasn't Dr. Sanderson's fault." " No, the responsibility is all mine." "Your attitude may be old-fashioned, Doctor, but I like it." "Very much." "If I'd seen your sister first, this would have been a different story." "You surprise me." "I think the world of Veta." "I supposed she'd seen her day." "You mustn't attach too much blame to her." "She's a very sick woman." "Why, she came in here insisting you needed treatment." "That's ridiculous." "Veta shouldn't be upset about me." "I get along fine." "She was extremely upset and plunged into a tirade about your drinking." "That was Veta." "I tell Veta not to worry about it." "I'll take care of it." "Exactly." "I suppose you take a drink now and then like the rest of us." "Yes, I do, Doctor." "As a matter of fact, I'd like one right now." "As a matter of fact, so would I. But her reaction was too intense." "Does she drink, Mr. Dowd?" " Oh no." "I don't think Veta's ever taken a drink, Doctor." "I'm going to surprise you." "I think she has and does constantly." "She..." "Is that so?" "Well..." "I certainly am surprised at that." "Her alcoholism isn't the basis for my diagnosis." "It was when she became so emotional about this big white rabbit, Harvey." "Yes, I believe she called it Harvey." " Well, Harvey's his name!" "Doctor, before we go any further, I must insist you and Miss Kelly..." "Now let me make my point, please." "I think that your sister's condition stems from trauma." "From what?" " From trauma." "Spelt T-R-A-U-M-A." "It means shock." "There's nothing unusual about it." "There's the birth trauma." "That's the one we never get over." "You have a very nice sense of humour, hasn't he, Miss Kelly?" " Oh, he has." "Well, may I say the same for both of you." "To sum it up, your sister's condition is serious, but I can help her." "She must remain out here temporarily." " I want Veta to have all she needs." "Exactly." " But I wouldn't want her to stay unless she likes it out here." "If this were an ordinary delusion, that would be one thing." "But this is much more serious." "No-one has seen a rabbit six feet high." "Not very often, Doctor." " So she must be committed here temporarily." "Under the circumstances I'd commit my own grandmother." "Does your grandmother drink too?" " It's just an expression." "Now here are the commitment papers to sign and here's a visitor's pass." "You can see her whenever you like." " You'd better have Veta do this." "She always does all the signing for our family." "She's good at it." "I'll have the family lawyer take care of it." "Gaffney." "He's already phoned." "Oh, is that so?" " Yes." "You know, I like you, Dowd." "Well, I like you too, Doctor." "And Miss Kelly, I certainly do like you." "Why, thank you, Mr. Dowd." "You two have been so pleasant, why don't we keep on going with this?" "We'll go to a charming little place called "Charlie's" and have a drink." "Well, I'm sorry, but we're on duty." " Some other time we'd be glad to." "When?" " Well, I can't say off hand." "We are on duty until 10 o'clock." " Ten will be fine." "I'll be waiting." "It's at 12th and Maine." " If we can make it..." "And the four of us will spend a very pleasant evening together." "I want both of you to become friends with a very dear friend of mine." "But you said later on?" "Alright, later on it'll be." "Goodbye." "Goodbye, Mr. Dowd." "Boy, that was a close shave." "But he seemed like a reasonable fella." "You handled him beautifully, Doctor!" "Psychology." "Specialised training." "Takes years of it." "Good afternoon, Mrs. Chumley." " Good afternoon, Herman." "Oh stop the car a moment, Lesley!" "Is there something I can do for you?" " What did you have in mind?" "You were walking on my husband's prize dahlias." "I'm Mrs. Chumley." "Oh, Dowd's my name." "Elwood P." "Let me give you my card..." " And you were looking for someone over there?" "I'm looking for my friend Harvey." "I turned my back for an instant and he seems to have wandered off." "I wish you could meet him." "I'm sure he'd be quite taken with you." "Oh, thank you." "You're very nice to say so." " Oh, not at all, not at all." "Would you care to come downtown?" "I'd be happy to buy you a drink." "Oh, I can't." "My husband and I are going to a cocktail party." "Dr. McClora's giving a party for his sister." " I didn't know he'd a sister." "Then you know Dr. McClora?" " No." " But you..." "But are you sure you wouldn't have time to have a drink with me?" "No, I can't." "I'll tell you what I'll do, however." "What will you do however?" "I'm interested." " If I meet your friend" "I'll be glad to give him a message." " Would you?" "I would appreciate that." "Just tell him, meet me downtown if he has no other plans." "Any particular place downtown?" " No, he knows where." "Harvey knows this town like a book." " But how will I recognize him?" "Oh, you can't miss him, Mrs. Chumley." "He's a pooka." "A pooka?" "Is that something new?" "No, no." "As I understand it, that's something very old." "But Harvey's not only a pooka, he's also my best friend." "If Harvey's said it to me once, I bet he's said it a million times." "He said "Mr. Dowd, I would do anything for you."" "How sweet!" "He's also fond of my sister Veta." "But Veta doesn't seem to care for Harvey." "Don't you think that's rather too bad?" " I don't know, Mr. Dowd." "I gave up long ago expecting my family to like my friends." "But we must keep trying, mustn't we?" " Oh yes." " Well, goodbye, my dear." "Lesley, did he say pooka?" " Yes, Ma'am." "That's what he said." "Your pass?" " Oh, right." "There you are." "Dowd." " Elwood P." "Well, isn't that interesting?" " I constructed this myself." "Is that so?" "I declare." " It's very simple." "See." "Closed." "Open." " You're a very brilliant man." " Thank you." "My name is Herman Schimmelplusser, but everybody just calls me Herman." "Well, you're to be congratulated Mr. Schimmelplusser." " Thank you." "Would you care to come over to my house for dinner tomorrow night?" "I'm having a few friends in." "Just informally." " Well, I certainly would." "Let me give you one of my cards." "Now, if you should want to call me, call me at this number." "Don't call me at that one, that's the old one." "Goodbye." "That is remarkable." "I hate to take you away, Willy, but we did promise to be there early." "One moment." "My hat and coat, Miss Kelly." " Yes, Doctor." "I'm leaving for the day." "Now about this woman with the big white rabbit." "Has it been smoothed over?" " Yes, Doctor." " Good." "I've had many patients with animals but never before one that large." "Yes, Doctor." "She called him Harvey." " Unusual name for an animal." "I want her to have a hypo at 6 with another one at 9." "Yes, I'm coming." "My formula: 9-7-7." " Willy!" "Someone's gonna have to give me a hand with that Simmons dame." "D'you know I had to take her corset off all by myself?" "Hiya, Doctor Chumley, how's every..." "What's with you and that hat?" " Hat?" "Here's your hat." " I'm wearing my hat." " Willy, a few minutes ago..." "This isn't my hat." "Must be your hat." " No, Doctor." "Mine is..." "Angel, I'd like to say..." " Oh no, it's not yours." " Whose hat is it?" "Look at this!" "Two holes cut in the crown." "It's probably some new fad." "Perhaps Mr. Dowd left it here, Sir." " That's Mrs. Simmons' brother." "I gave him a pass." " Willy, that's what I've been trying to tell you." "A few minutes ago I met a gentleman." "He said he was looking for a friend of his named Harvey." " Harvey?" " Yes, Harvey." "Holy smoke." "I left the water running on that Simmons dame in a hydro tub!" "Why are you looking at me like that, Willy?" "He was a nice, polite man." "He said his friend was a pooka, whatever that is." "Give me Upper West R, quick!" " Where did he go, Mrs. Chumley?" "He went downtown." " Dunphy, I left that Simmons dame soaking in 13." "Do me a favour, turn off the juice." " So you gave him a pass?" "They neglected to tell you at school that a rabbit has large pointed ears." "Do you know what you've done?" "You've let a psychopathic case walk out and roam around with a white rabbit!" "You've laid me open to a lawsuit!" "I'll have to do something I haven't done for 15 years and go after Dowd and bring him back." "But when I do, your connection here will have ended." "Wilson, get the car!" "I'm sorry." "You have to go without me." "Take a cab." "You two!" "Get that woman out of the tub!" "I'm going to call my attorney." "Wilson?" "What's a pooka?" " What's a what?" " A pooka." "A pooka?" "You can search me, Mrs. Chumley." "P..." "Po..." "Poo..." "Pooka!" "Oh dear, I'm already late." "I did promise them I'd be on time." "P-O-O-K-A." "Pooka." "From old Celtic mythology." "A fairy spirit in animal form." "Always very large." "The pooka appears here and there, now and then, to this one and that one." "A benign but mischievous creature." "Very fond of rumpots, crackpots and how are you, Mr. Wilson?" ""How are you, Mr. Wilson?" Who in the encyclopaedia wants to know?" "Wilson!" " Dr. Chumley, the screwiest thing I..." " I know and believe me, heads will roll!" " But Dr. Chumley, I was looking..." "Downtown." "Step on it!" "Where's your mother?" " She took Uncle Elwood out to the sanatorium." "She just called me on the phone." "She's hysterical." "Where's your phone?" "In the library." "What on earth is she hysterical about?" " I don't know." "She was carrying on something fierce." "What's the number of that sanatorium?" "I'll look it up." "All she had to do was have Uncle Elwood locked up." " Maybe that's it." "I always liked that boy." "He could have done anything, been anything." "And all he did was get a big rabbit." " He's been in my office many a time." "I'm old but I don't miss much." " What's the name of this place?" ""Chumley's Rest." Elwood had it all:" "Brains, personality and friends." "Men like him, women liked him." "I liked him." " Women liked him?" "Mother!" " Myrtle!" " Veta Louise!" "What's wrong, girl?" " I thought I'd never see either of you again." "Take hold of her, Judge." "She looks like she'll faint." " Not so fast..." "Just get me where I can sit down." " There you are." "Get her some tea." "I'll get you some tea." " No, I don't want any tea." "The minute their backs were turned I ran like a frightened rabbit." "Oh, I didn't mean to say that." "I don't know what I'm saying." "Just let me sit here." "Let me get my breath." "And then let me get upstairs to my own bed where I can let go." "Oh mother, what happened to you?" " Omar, I want you to sue them!" "They put me in and let Elwood out!" "As I was going down to the taxi cab to get Elwood's things this awful man stepped out." "He was a white slaver, I know he was." "He was wearing one of those white suits, that's how they advertise." "Well, what did he do?" " He grabbed hold of me and he took me in there..." "Go on, Veta." "Go on, girl." " Go on, mother." "Was he a young man?" "Myrtle Mae, perhaps you better leave the room." " No, I should say not." "Well, what did he do, Veta?" " He took me upstairs and took all my clothes off!" " Did you hear that?" "Go on, mother." "And then he dumped me down in a tub of water." "Oh, for heaven's sake!" " By God, Veta, I'll sue them for this." "I always thought that what you were showed in your face." "Don't you believe it, Judge." "Don't you believe it, Myrtle Mae." "That man grabbed hold of me as though I were a woman of the streets!" "But I fought." "I always said that if a man jumped at me, I'd fight." "Haven't I always said that, Myrtle?" " Yes, she's always said that, Judge." "He hustled me into the sanatorium and dumped me down in that tub and treated me as though I was a..." " A what?" " A crazy woman." "But he did that just for spite." "Well, I'll be swizzled!" " And then one of those doctors came upstairs and asked me a lot of questions." "All about sex urges and all that filthy stuff." "That place ought to be cleaned up." "Get the authorities to clean it up." "Don't you ever go out there, you hear me, Myrtle Mae!" "This stinks to high heaven, girl." "By God, it stinks!" "Is that all those doctors do in places like that?" "Think about sex?" "I don't know..." " Because if it is, they ought to be ashamed." "Why don't they go out and take long walks in the fresh air?" "Judge Gaffney walked everywhere for years, didn't you, Judge?" "Did you?" " I'd better take some notes on this." "You said one of the doctors came up to talk to you?" "Yes, Dr. Sanderson." "But don't pay any attention to anything he says." "He's a liar." "Close-set eyes." "They're always liars." "Besides, I told him something in confidence and he blabbed it." "You can't trust anyone!" " What did you tell him, mother?" "What difference does it make?" "I don't want to think and talk about it." "You can tell us, Veta Louise." "There's your daughter and I'm a lawyer." "I know which is which." "I don't want to talk about it." "I want to sue them." "And I want to get upstairs to my own bed." "I should never have tried to do anything." "Something protects him." "That awful pooka." " Where is Uncle Elwood?" " How should I know?" "They let him go." "They're not interested in men in places like that, you ought to know that Myrtle Mae." "Don't be so naive." "Mother, we still have to find Uncle Elwood and lock him up." "Next time you take him in, Judge!" "Wait until Elwood hears what they did to me." "He won't stand for it." "You've got to sue them, Judge." "Myrtle Mae, I hope that never, never, as long as you live a man tears the clothes off you and sets you down in a tub of water!" "Oh!" "There he is!" " Stay where you are, young man!" "Knock him down, Judge!" "Kick him!" "Don't let him get me!" "Veta, please." "I want you to confront this man with your charges!" "I don't want that wacky dame." "I'm looking for that other screwball." "Kick him, Judge!" " Veta!" "Did you hear that?" "Where is he?" "Where's this guy Elwood P. Dowd, that screwball with a rabbit?" "What's the matter?" "You goofy, too?" "I'm Mrs. Simmons' daughter and Uncle Elwood is my uncle." "I've been to four fires in fourteen gin mills looking for that crackpot and a bartender gave me a tip he was here." "Now where is he?" "What'd you do with him?" "You hiding him?" " No, I'm not hiding him." "Hey, my name's Marvin Wilson, honey." "What's yours?" "Myrtle Mae and I'm not afraid of you." " Myrtle Mae, huh?" "You know if we grab your uncle you'll come out on visiting days." "Well, really, I don't know..." " If you do, I'll be there." " You will?" "If you don't see me right away, stick around for a little while." "Won't you sit down?" " I've got no time." "I've gotta find your uncle." "Where is he?" "Where'd you put him?" " I want you to catch him just as much as you." "I can't even have any callers when he's around." "You shouldn't have any trouble about callers, honey." " Thank you." "You not only got a nice build but you got something else too." "Really, what?" " You got the screwiest uncle ever inside our nuthouse." "Would you like a cup of coffee?" " Yeah, I can't, kid." "Dr. Chumley's checking all the police stations, I'd better catch up." "You look awfully hungry." "A sandwich?" " I don't want that dame on my neck." "Don't worry about mother." "She won't come down." "She's too frightened." "Would you like a ham and rye?" " How about an egg and onion?" "I'd love to make an egg and onion." "Suppose we go in the kitchen." "You can relax and be yourself there." "Do you like your work, Mr. Wilson?" "Oh, I do now, Myrtle." "I do now." "Charlie's Place?" "Oh, Mr. Cracker!" "Mr. Cracker, this is Elwood P. Dowd speaking." "Tell me, have you seen Harvey?" "Aha." "Well, don't worry." "I'll find him." "Mr. Cracker," "I'm entertaining some friends at ten." "May I have my regular booth?" "Oh, why, thank you." "Harvey?" "Hello?" " Come on, Myrtle." "Don't you want to come back in the kitchen?" "I thought I heard voices." " What kind of voices?" "Come on, Myrtle." "I wanna talk to you." " It sounded something like Harvey." "Harvey?" "Well, I'd better get going." " But Marvin, you haven't finished..." "Business before pleasure, honey." "You make a great egg and onion, kid!" " Don't you wanna come back for more?" "See you tomorrow out at the nuthouse." " You didn't finish your sandwich." "Wilson, what happened to you?" " He's not here." " What are you doing here?" "What are you eating?" " A sandwich." " How can you think of food now?" "Get over to Union Station." "I'm told Dowd goes there to watch the trains." "Some people pick the best time to keep others from becoming acquainted." "No, my dear." " Oh, Judge Gaffney." " Chumley, just who I want to see." "Mrs. Simmons has just retained me to file suit against you." " File suit?" "I'm on my way to the office." " What happened was an unfortunate mistake but I've dismissed my assistant." " You'll hear from me in the morning." "Goodbye." " But surely, Judge..." "This is most unfortunate." "Most unfortunate." " Oh, Judge Gaffney?" "Judge Gaffney, I want..." "Why, you're not Judge Gaffney!" "You have much more hair than he does." "Besides, I never forget a face." "I'm Dr. Chumley." "You're Mrs. Simmons?" " I'm glad to know you, Dr. Chumley." "Would you mind asking Judge Gaffney to come back here?" " Certainly shall." "I want to tell him to sue you for $100,000. $50,000 isn't enough." "Can't we talk this matter over?" " After what happened to me today?" "Will you please just listen?" " I don't want to listen." "I'm suing you." "Mrs. Simmons, please listen to me!" " I'll listen." "But I'm warning you it won't do you any good." "Hello?" "No, I'm not listening to my radio." "I am listening to Dr. Chumley." "I just told him so." "That picture over the mantle?" " That portrait of my mother, Doctor, happens to be pride of this house." " Who painted it?" "Oh, some man." "I forget his name." "He was around here for the sittings and we paid him and he went away." "If you have the money, people do anything." " Now, you brought this up!" "You might as well learn something." "I took a course in art last winter." "I learnt the difference between a fine oil painting and a mechanical thing like a photo." "The photo shows only the reality." "The painting shows not only the reality but the dream behind it." "It's our dreams that carry us on." "They separate us from the beasts." "I wouldn't want to go on living if it was just eating and sleeping and taking clothes off." "I mean putting them on." "Oh, Doctor!" " Mrs. Simmons, steady now!" "Don't upset yourself!" "Everything's going to be alright." "What's the matter?" "Doctor, that is not my mother!" " Well, I'm very glad to hear that." "Elwood's been here." "He's been here." " Now, now." "Better be quiet." "I'll take it." "Hello?" "Yes." "Who's calling?" "He's here." "It's your brother." " Let me talk to him." " Be careful." "Don't let him know that I'm here." "Be casual." " Yes, yes." "I will." "Hello, Elwood." "Where are you, dear?" "Well, I'm here, Veta." "Is Harvey there?" "He won't say where he is." "He wants to know if Harvey's here." "Tell him Harvey is here." " Oh, but he isn't!" " But pretend he is." "We've got to humour him." " Hello, Elwood." "Yes, dear," "Harvey's here." "Why don't you come home?" "It won't work." "He wants us to call Harvey to the telephone." "Well, say Harvey's here but he's in the bathtub." "Oh, Doctor!" " We've got to do it, Mrs. Simmons." "Elwood." "Yes, dear, Harvey is here, he's in the bathtub." "I'll send him over as soon as he's dry." "Where are you, dear?" "Oh, I'm..." "Never mind, Veta, Harvey just walked in the door." "Mr. Cracker!" "Two martinis!" "Goodbye, Veta." "You'd better look in the bathtub." "It must be a stranger." "He says that Harvey just walked in." "It must be a stranger in the bathtub." "I know where he is." "He's at Charlie's Place." "It's a bar at 12th and Maine." "That's two over and one down, isn't it?" " Yes." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to get your brother and bring him back to the sanatorium." "I want to observe his face when he talks to this rabbit." "He talks to it?" "Oh, they tell each other everything!" " Good." "What?" " Yes, he talks to him." "But don't go out there." "You'll regret it!" " You underestimate me!" "No, you underestimate my brother." " Don't worry, I can handle him." "You can handle him!" "That's what you think!" "Myrtle Mae, see who the stranger is in the bathtub!" "Sounds funny, but I'll miss this place." "I'll miss a lotta things here." "You will?" " You won't laugh?" " Of course not." "You know how it is, working around people." "You start to get attached." "I know, Lyman." " It may be ridiculous but I'm going to miss every one of the psychos and neuros and schizos." "I guess I'll even miss Dr. Chumley in spite of the fact he fired me." "You can miss your psychos and your schizos, Dr. Sanderson." "And you can miss whomever you please, but after you leave here" "I won't miss a thing!" " Now what's wrong?" " Nothing." "I came to say goodbye, so goodbye, good luck and good riddance!" "You can't say goodbye without making it personal." " Don't flatter yourself!" "I think you've been working too hard." " Save your psychiatry for your next job!" " I'm not using psychiatry, Miss Kelly." "That chip on your shoulder stems from a childhood persecution complex." "Thanks for the case history." "Tell me what an over-inflated ego stems from." "Now, listen here!" "Hi, Kelly!" "Hiya, Doc!" "I'm glad I caught yuh before yuh left." "I'm sorry yuh got bouncing." "I wanna tell yuh we'll all miss yuh." " Thanks." "Any of the patients been acting up?" " Everything's peachy." " That's good." "When are you taking off?" " Right now." "I was waiting for Dr. Chumley." "Wait a second." "Didn't Dr. Chumley come back here with that psycho?" "We thought he was with you." " I left him with that Simmons dame." "When I called back later, she told me the Doctor went to bring her bro..." "Hey, that was 4 hours ago!" " Have you any idea where he went?" " Yeah... no..." "I don't know." "Poor Dr. Chumley may be lying in an alley in a pool of blood." "But Mr. Dowd seemed harmless enough." " I've rustled these guys for years." "One minute they're sweet and the next minute they give you the knife." "What's the name of the place, Wilson?" " Charlie's Place." "I remember!" "We'll start from there." " I'll go with Wilson." "You needn't bother." "Until Dr. Chumley comes back I'm still in charge here." " Alright, but let's get going, let's not stand and argue." "OK." "Yeah, this is the place." "We're looking for someone." "Two men." " Tall, short one and a thin fat one..." "I'm so nervous I don't know what I'm sayin'" " One's short and middle-aged." "The other is much taller and younger." " We've been running medium sizes." "The tall man was soft-spoken and sort of polite." "His name is Dowd." "Dowd?" "Why didn't you say so?" "He's here now." "In the back booth." "Is he alone?" " There's two schools of thought." " If that crackpot hurt to Dr. Chumley, I'll knock his teeth down him!" " Wilson, psychology!" "I've been expecting you." " Where's the Doctor?" "What'd yuh do with him?" "Wilson, why don't you take a look around the place?" " Why don't you do that Mr. Wilson?" "Although I don't believe it's for sale..." "Listen, Miss Kelly, these are for you." "Why, thank you, Mr. Dowd." " Pleasure, my dear." "Doctor, after what happened today these flowers should be from you." "And now, won't you join me?" " I'm afraid we can't do that." "The situation has changed, but I urge you to have no resentment." "Dr. Chumley only wants to help you." " I'd be very glad to help him too." "You know, we must face reality, Dowd, sooner or later." "Well, I wrestled with reality for thirty-five years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it." "Mr. Dowd, where is Dr. Chumley?" " Well, not knowing, I cannot say." "Miss Kelly, I don't like to see you stand." "Would you..." " Sit down, Kelly." "There we are." "Now let's all have a drink." "Dr. Chumley did come in here to get you?" " Yes, yes, he did." "What'll it be, Mr. Dowd?" " Martini?" " But that was four hours ago!" "Where has this evening gone to?" "Four..." "Three martinis, Mr. Cracker." "There's no sign of the Doctor." "What'd yuh do?" " We're trying to find out." "What happened then, Sir?" " I introduced Harvey to the Doctor and he sat down in the booth with us." "The Doctor sat opposite Harvey." "Who's Harvey?" " A white rabbit, six feet tall." " Six feet?" "Six feet three and a half inches." "Now let's stick to the facts." "Now what happened?" " Well, Harvey suggested that I buy him a drink." "And knowing that he doesn't like to drink alone, I suggested we join him." "Go on." " We joined him again." " Then what?" "And then the other matter came up." " Now we're getting somewhere." "Mr. Wilson, I don't like to see you standing." "Wouldn't you join us?" " Me?" "Sit down, will you, Wilson?" " You say this other matter came up, Mr. Dowd?" "There was a beautiful blond woman name of Mrs. Smithells and her escort seated in the booth directly across from us." "Dr. Chumley went over to sit next to her, explaining that they'd once met." "In Chicago." "Then her escort escorted Dr. Chumley back here to Harvey and me and said it would be better for Dr. Chumley to mind his own affairs." "Does he have any?" " What?" " Affairs?" " How would I know?" "Shut up, Wilson." " Go on, Mr. Dowd." " Well..." "Thank you, Mr. Cracker." "Mrs. Smithells' escort seemed to get more depressed at Dr. Chumley so Harvey and I felt we should take the Doctor somewhere else." "Harvey suggested "Blondie's Chicken Inn," but the Doctor wanted "Eddie's."" "And while they were arguing about it I went up to the bar to order a drink and when I came back here they were gone." "You don't believe the story about the Doctor sitting talking to a rabbit?" "Well, why not?" "Harvey was here." "At first Dr. Chumley seemed a little frightened of Harvey but that gave way to admiration as the evening wore on." ""The evening wore on..." That's a nice expression, isn't it?" "With your permission I'll say it again." "The evening wore on." "With your permission I'm gonna knock your brains out." "You did something to Dr. Chumley and I'm gonna find out what." "Marvin!" "Lyman!" "For heaven's sake!" "Mr. Cracker!" "May I intercede for my friends?" "Youth and high spirits, time will take care of that." "Sure Mr. Dowd." "OK, boys, let 'em go." "Mr. Dowd vouches for you, OK." "One more peep outta you, Wisenheimer, and I'll butter your necktie!" "Stimulating as this all is, I think we all should have our drinks." "There we are." "Dr. Sanderson?" "You keep your eye on him." "I'm gonna check in those other two joints." "And Dr. Chumley'd better be there, pal, or else." " Mr. Wilson?" "Goodbye, Mr. Wilson." "My regards to you and anybody you run into." "Mr. Dowd, can't you think of anything else that might help find the Doctor?" "Miss Kelly, may I take hold of your hand?" "Well yes, Mr. Dowd, if you want to." "We're all so worried." "Please try to think, please!" "For you, I'd do anything." "I'd almost be willing to live my life again." "Almost." "But I've told it all." "You're sure?" " Quite sure." "But ask me again anyway, won't you?" "I liked that warm tone you had in your voice just then." "So did I." "Maybe we'd better go some place else." "Miss Kelly seems a little unhappy." "No, let's stay here." "Kelly's alright." "Perhaps you'd like to dance, Miss Kelly?" " Alright, if you'd like to." "Oh no." "Not I. I used to dance." "I haven't danced in years." "I'm sure Dr. Sanderson would love to dance with somebody as lovely as you." "Would you, Miss Kelly?" "Alright." " There you go." "It's been a long time since we danced together." " Yes, a long time." "Forgotten what a wonderful dancer you were." " If you didn't have to humour Mr. Dowd, you wouldn't have remembered at all." "I'm not dancing with you to humour Mr. Dowd." "We shouldn't have left him alone." "Where are you going, Mr. Dowd?" " I'm just looking for someone." "Why don't you come back inside?" "Alright, if you want me to." "It seemed to be so pleasant out here." "You know, you two look very nice dancing together." "I used to know a whole lot of dances:" "The Flea Hop..." "And what's the... the Black Bottom, the Varsity Drag..." "I don't know." "I just don't seem to have any time anymore." "I have so many things to do." "What is it you do, Mr. Dowd?" "Harvey and I sit in the bars, have a drink or two." "Play the jukebox." "And soon the faces of all the other people, they turn toward mine and they smile." "And they're saying "We don't know your name, but you're a nice fella."" "Harvey and I warm ourselves on all these golden moments." "You know, we've entered as strangers and soon we have friends." "And they come over, they sit with us, they drink with us, they talk to us." "They tell about the big terrible things they've done and the big wonderful things they'll do." "Their hopes and their regrets, their loves and their hates, all very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar." "And then..." "I introduce them to Harvey and he's bigger and grander than anything they offer me." "And when they leave they leave impressed." "The same people seldom come back but that's envy, my dear." "There's a little bit of envy in the best of us." "That's too bad, isn't it?" "How did you happen to call him Harvey?" "Well, Harvey's his name." " How do you know that?" "Well, there was a rather interesting coincidence on that." "One night several years ago I was walking down Fairfax Street between 18th and 19th." "You know the block?" "Yes, yes." "I'd just put Ed Hicky in a taxi." "Ed had been mixing his rye with his gin and I just felt that he needed conveying." "Anyway, I was walking down along the street and I heard this voice saying," ""Good evening, Mr. Dowd." Well, I turned around and there was this big six-foot rabbit leaning against a lamp-post." "Now, I thought nothing of that because when you've lived in a town as long as I've lived in this one, everybody knows your name." "And naturally I went over to chat with him." "And he said to me," ""Ed Hicky was a little spiffed this evening, or could I be mistaken?"" "Well, of course, he was not mistaken." "I think the world and all of Ed, but he was spiffed." "Well, we talked like that for a while, and then I said to him," ""You have the advantage on me..." "You know my name and I don't know yours."" "And right back at me he said, "What name do you like?"" "Well, I didn't even have to think twice about that." "Harvey's always been my favourite name." "So I said to him," ""Harvey."" "And... this is the interesting bit about the whole thing." "He said," ""What a coincidence!" "My name happens to be Harvey."" "Dowd..." "What was your father's name?" "John." "John Stiverson." "Tell me, Dowd." "When you were a child, didn't you have a playmate?" "Someone with whom you spent many happy hours?" " Yes." "Yes, I did, Doctor." "Didn't you?" " Yes." "What was his name?" "Verne." "Verne Macklehenny." "Did you ever know the Macklehennys?" " No." "That's too bad." "There were a lot of them and they circulated." "Very nice people." "Wonderful people." "Think carefully, Dowd!" "Didn't yuh know somebody some time, some place by the name of Harvey?" "Didn't yuh ever know anybody by that name?" "No." "No, not one, Doctor." "Maybe that's why I always had such hopes for it." "We looked in both of those joints and Dr. Chumley ain't in either one." "I brought help." "What are you doing out here?" "Come on, we're going back to the sanatorium." "Come Elwood." "I'm afraid I won't be able to stay very long." "I must find Harvey." "Which one is Dowd?" " My name's Dowd." "Elwood P. Here, let me..." "Never mind the cards." " Wilson." "What did I tell you?" "Coming, coming." "Who is it?" " It's me." "Open the gates, quickly!" "Oh, it's you, Doctor." "I thought you'd gone for the night." " Close them, Herman." "Close them." "Are you alright, Doctor?" " I'm being followed." " Who's following you?" "None of your business." "Did you call me, Doctor?" " No, I didn't." "No." "Everything's fine." "What's wrong?" " The alarm went off." "Somebody must have come through a window." "Yes, Doctor?" " He's after me!" " Who?" "I don't see anyone." "I saw him." "He came through the window." " Who came through the window?" "I won't tell you." " What's he talking about?" " Forget it." "I'm going to my office and I don't wish to be disturbed." "Forget it, he says." "Not me!" "I'm gonna see what's going on." "It's locked." " Locked?" " Have you any extra keys, Miss?" "Yes, we have." "I'll get them." "I went round the house and climbed in through the window." "I saw no-one." "Thank you, Wilson." "Everything's in order." "I'll be alright." "Holy smoke!" "We forgot about that crackpot!" "He's roaming around loose." "Excuse me!" "I got him, Doctor!" "Let's go upstairs." "I wanna do your fingernails for yuh." "Very thoughtful of you." " Wilson." "I'll take him." " Thank you, Doctor." "Oh, Miss Kelly!" "Perhaps you'd like this flower." "I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole." "Thank you, Mr. Dowd." " You're quite welcome." " One moment, please!" "How nice to run into you again." "How're you getting along with Harvey?" "Mr. Dowd, I'd like to speak to you in my office alone, please." "I'd like that too." "But I promised this man he could give me a manicure." "If you wouldn't mind waiting a few minutes?" " Not at all, Mr. Dowd." "Oh, excuse me." "You first." "Mr. Dowd, won't you have a seat?" " Thank you." "Will you have a cigar?" " No, thank you, Doctor." "Is there anything I can do for you?" " Well, what did you have in mind?" "Mr. Dowd, what kind of man are you?" "Where do you come from?" " Didn't I..." "give you one of my cards?" "And where on the face of this old earth did you find anything like him?" "You mean Harvey, the pooka?" " Yes, it's true." "The things you told me tonight." "I know it now." "Well, yes." "Harvey has several interesting facets." "Did I tell you about Mrs. Macklehenny?" " No." "She lives right next door to us." "Wonderful woman." "Harvey told me last night that Mrs. Macklehenny's Aunt Rose was going to drop in on her unexpectedly." " And did she?" "Did she what?" "Aunt Rose?" "Did she come, just as Harvey said she would?" "Oh, yes." "These things always work out just the way Harvey says they will." "He's very versatile." "Did I tell you he could stop clocks?" "To what purpose?" "Well, you've heard the expression "His face would stop a clock."?" "Well, Harvey can look at your clock and stop it." "And you can go anywhere you like, with anyone you like and stay as long as you like." "When you get back, not one minute will have ticked by." "You mean that he..." "That he can..." " You see, science has overcome time and space." "But Harvey has overcome not only time and space but any objections." "Fly specks!" "Fly specks!" "I've been spending my life among fly specks, while miracles have been leaning on lamp-posts at 18th and Fairfax." "Tell me, Mr. Dowd, will he do this for you?" "He'd be willing at any time." "But so far, I haven't been able to think of any place I'd rather be." "I always have a wonderful time wherever I am, whomever I'm with." "I'm having a fine time right here with you, Doctor." "I know where I'd go." " Where?" "I'd go to Akron." " Akron?" "Oh yes..." "There's a college camp outside Akron in a grove of maple trees, green, cool, beautiful..." " That's my favourite tree!" "And I'd go there with a pretty woman." "A strange woman." "A quiet woman." " Oh?" "Under a tree?" "I wouldn't even want to know her name." "While I would be just Mr. Smith." "And I would send out for cold beer." "No whisky?" " No." "Then I would tell her things, things that I've never told to anyone." "Things that are locked up deep in here." "And as I talk to her, I'd want her to hold out her soft white hand and say," ""Poor thing, you poor, poor thing."" "How long would you want this to go on, Doctor?" " Two weeks." "Two weeks?" "Wouldn't it get a little monotonous, just Akron, cold beer and poor, poor thing for two weeks?" " No!" "It'd be wonderful." "I feel you're making a mistake not allowing the woman to talk." "If she'd been around at all, she might have picked up some news items." "And I'm sure you're making a mistake about the beer but it's your 2 weeks." "Mr. Dowd, could he..." "Would he do this for me?" "Well, he could and might." "Well, I've never heard Harvey say a word against Akron." "By the way, Doctor, where is Harvey?" "Don't you know?" " The last time I saw him, he was with you." "He's probably waiting for me down at Charlie's." " Yes, that's it." "I think I'll go and join him for a nightcap." "Charlie's stays open late." "Excuse me, I want to say goodbye to some of my friends before I leave." "None of those people are your friends but I want you to know that I am." "Thank you, Doctor, and I'm yours." " They underestimate you." "As I did." "That sister of yours is at the bottom of a conspiracy against you." "She's trying to persuade me to lock you up." "She had papers drawn up." "She has your power of attorney and the key to your safety box." "All that in one afternoon!" "That Veta certainly is a whirlwind, isn't she?" "Good heavens, man!" "Haven't you any righteous indignation?" "Oh, Doctor..." "You know years ago, my mother used to say to me," ""In this world, Elwood, you must be..." She always called me Elwood..." ""In this world, Elwood, you must be oh, so smart... or oh, so pleasant."" "Well, for years I was smart." "I recommend pleasant." "You may quote me." "This is it." "Here we are." "OK, thank you." "Veta, Myrtle!" "I'll come..." " You wait here, Veta!" " I will not." "I'm going in with you." "You're a very high-strung girl." " Well, let Myrtle Mae stay here too!" "You know it isn't right to put Elwood away without a blood relative present." "You're not going to leave the lady?" " You see Omar, even strangers think I should go in with you." "I want to see Dr. Chumley." " I'm sorry, Sir, you'll have to wait." "After dragging me out of bed at this hour?" "Tell him Judge Gaffney's here!" "I telephoned you right after we picked up Mr. Dowd." "I'm Dr. Sanderson." "I demand that this matter be settled right now." " Nobody here but people!" "You promised to wait in the car!" " You forgot Uncle Elwood's bathrobe." "Why are you all standing around?" "I thought..." "How do you do, Doctor!" "...you'd be committing Elwood." "He's the one I told you about." "Eyes!" "Doctor, what's your opinion?" " How are you feeling?" " Better." "In my opinion, Elwood P. Dowd is suffering from a hallucination." "And I recommend formula number 977, a serum to shock him back to reality." "Nothing will do that." "Lock him up!" " That's where we want Elwood." "If he won't see the rabbit anymore." "Give it to him." "When Harvey comes, I'll deal with him." " Please stop talking about Harvey." "Myrtle Mae, you have a lot to learn." "And I hope you never learn it." "Oh, Mother!" "Marvin..." " Myrtle Mae, baby!" " Myrtle Mae, you come back here!" "The idea of that terrible man..." " Let's get out of this, Doctor." "You'll have to take that up with Dr. Chumley." " Why waste my time?" "Kindly inform Dr. Chumley of my presence." " I'll attend to it, Sir." "Miss Kelly." " Is Dr. Chumley there?" " Well, how nice to see you!" "Where is he?" "Where's the Doctor?" "Are you alright, Doctor?" "I think so." "Veta, Myrtle Mae." "Well, what I delightful surprise!" "Good evening, Elwood." "I brought your bathrobe." " Thank you, Veta." "Dr. Chumley, are we going to settle this matter, or are we not?" "I've turned this case over to Dr. Sanderson." " You forget I don't work here anymore." "Dr. Sanderson, please disregard what I said." "I want you to head my staff." "I think you're a very capable young man." " Oh Lyman, did you hear that?" "Now if you'll excuse me, I..." "I have some work to do." "I think this calls for a celebration!" "Why don't we all go down to Charlie's Place and have a drink." "You're not going anywhere." "You stay right here." " Yes, Uncle Elwood." "Stay here, son." " I plan to leave, you want me to stay." "An element of conflict in any discussion is good." "It shows everybody's taking part, nobody's left out." "I like that." "Oh, Miss Kelly..." "You know, when you wear my flower you make it beautiful." ""A diviner grace has never brightened this enchanting face..."" "Ovid's fifth elegy." "Ovid's always been my favourite poet." "My dear, you'll never look lovelier." " I'll never be happier." "Hey." "This rabbit gag must be a good one." "Mr. Dowd, I have formula 977 that would be good for you. - 977?" "Yes, it's a serum." " You won't see this rabbit anymore." "But you will see your responsibilities and your duties." "Well, Doctor, if you thought of this I'm sure it's a very fine thing." "And if I run into anyone who needs it I'd be glad to recommend it." "But as for myself, I don't think I'd care for it." " Did you hear that?" "That's what we have to put up with." " Veta, do you want me to take it?" "Oh, Elwood." "I'm only thinking of you." "You're my brother and I've know you for years." "I'd do anything for you." "Harvey wouldn't do anything for you." "He's making a fool of you." "Oh, Elwood." "Don't be a fool." " Oh, I won't." "Why, you could amount to something!" "You could be on the Water Board now if only you'd go over and ask them." "Veta, if that's what you want, Harvey and I will go over tomorrow and ask." "Tomorrow!" "I wish there might never be another tomorrow." "Not if Myrtle Mae and I have to go on living with that rabbit." "Our friends never come to see us anymore." "We have no social life." "We've no life at all." "We're both perfectly miserable." "But perhaps you don't care." " I care." "Well, I've always felt Veta should have everything she wants." "Veta, are you sure?" "I'll take it." "Where do I go, Doctor?" " In my office, Mr. Dowd." "This will only take a few minutes." "Why don't you wait?" "Veta, you tell Dr. Chumley to say goodbye to this old fella for me, will you?" "Dr. Sanderson, couldn't we..." " Yes, Kelly." "Nothing." " I'll need you to give me a hand, Miss Kelly." "Right in there." " After you." " No, after you." "Miss Kelly..." "No, after you." "Dr. Sanderson said it wouldn't take long." "Sit down, girl." " Thank you, Judge." "He said it wouldn't take..." "long." "Relax girl." "Take it easy." " Thank you." "I'll try to." "There yuh are!" "Lady jumped out of my cab and left without paying me." "She didn't say anything and a fella gets nervous after a while." "There's no cause for concern, man." "How much is it?" "All the way out here from town?" "Two seventy-five." "Why, I must have forgotten my wallet." "I was outta bed in such a hurry, it's a wonder I didn't forget my pants." "Beg your pardon." "Would you take a cheque?" " We don't take cheques." "Yes, I know..." "Would you mind, Veta?" " Of course." "I could have sworn I brought my coin purse." "Where is it?" "Oh, the idea." "Well, I never!" "Oh, I know." "I'll get it from my brother." "But I can't go in to him just yet." "He's in there getting an injection." "It won't take long." "You'll have to wait." "You'll get it from your brother who's getting that stuff they shoot out?" "Yes, it'll only take a few minutes." " Lady, I want my money now." "I told you, it'll only take a few minutes." "I told you I want my money now or you can wait for the bus!" "Well, of all the pig-headed stubborn things!" "What's the matter with you?" " Nothing that two seventy-five won't fix." "You heard me." " I never heard of anything so unreasonable in my life." "Would you please let my brother step out here." "This cab driver won't wait." "Oh, Elwood..." " I'll be right back." "Elwood, I came off without my coin purse." "Would you please give this man two dollars and seventy-five cents?" "But don't give him any more." "He's been very rude." " Well, howdy." "Dowd's my name." "Elwood P." " Mine's Lofgren, E. J." "I'm glad to know you, Mr. Lofgren." "This is my sister, Mrs. Simmons." "And my very good friend Judge Gaffney back there." "You lived around here long, Mr Lofgren?" " All my life." "Enjoy your work?" " I've been driving for Apex Cabs for 15 years." "My brother's been driving for Brown." " Is that so?" "That's very interesting, isn't it?" "Let me give you one of my cards." "My sister and my charming young niece live at that address with me." "Wouldn't you and your brother like to have dinner with us?" " Be glad to." "When?" "When would you be glad to?" " I couldn't come any night but tomorrow." "I'm on duty all the rest of the week." " We'll be expecting you and glad to see you, won't we?" " I'm sure this man has friends of his own." "But you can't have too many friends." " Don't keep the Doctor waiting, it's rude." " There you are." "And keep the change." "I'm glad I met you." "I'll expect you and your brother tomorrow night." "And now you'll have to excuse me, I..." "A sweet guy." " Certainly." "You could just as well have waited." "Oh no." "Listen, lady." "I've been driving this route for 15 years." "I brought them out here to get that stuff and drove them home afterwards." "It changes them." " Well, I certainly hope so." "You ain't kidding." "On the way out here they sit back and enjoy the ride." "Sometimes we stop and watch the sunsets and look at the birds flying." "Sometimes we stop and watch the birds when there ain't no birds." "We have a swell time." "And I always get a big tip." "But afterwards, oh, oh..." ""Afterwards, oh, oh..." What do you mean?" "They crab and crab and crab." "They yell at me, "Watch the lights!" "Watch the brakes!" "The intersection!" They scream at me to hurry." "They got no faith in me and my buggy." "Yep, it's the same cab, same driver." "We're going back over the same road." "It's no fun." "And no tips." " My brother would have tipped you anyway." "He's very generous." "He always has been." " Not after this." "After this, he'll be a perfectly normal human being." "And you know what stinkers they are!" "Glad I met you." "I'll wait." "Oh no!" "Elwood!" "Come out!" "Don't give it to him!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Elwood, don't..." " Don't do that, girl." "Dr. Sanderson's giving the injection." " I don't want him to have it." "I don't want my brother to be like that!" "Elwood!" "Oh, you haven't given him the injection already, have you?" "No, but we're all ready, Mrs. Simmons." " Elwood!" " Veta..." "What's the trouble?" " What's going on?" "What's wrong?" "She wants to stop the injection." " Oh she does?" " Take your hands off!" "Don't touch me, you white slaver, you!" " Marvin, please!" "Yeah, alright." " You don't know what you want." "You didn't want that rabbit." "What's wrong with Harvey?" "If Elwood and I and Myrtle Mae want to live with Harvey, what's it to you?" "You don't even have to come around." "It's our house." "Elwood!" " Veta, it's alright." "Veta's all tired out." "She's done a lot today." " Have it your own way." "I'm going to take that cab." "And I'm not giving up another night's sleep, no matter how big the animal is!" " Oh, Elwood, let us go too." "I hate this place!" "I wish I'd never seen it!" "Alright, Veta, just wait till I get my hat and coat." "Why, look at that." "It's my coin purse." "It must have been in there all the time." "I could have paid that cab driver myself." "Harvey!" "Thank you, Doctor." "Oh!" "Myrtle Mae and that man!" " They make a beautiful couple, don't they?" "He has such a dynamic personality." " That man ..." " Myrtle Mae..." "Mr. Wilson, may we have the pleasure of your company tomorrow for dinner?" "We're having a few friends in." "Very informal..." " Certainly, Mr. Dowd." "Thank you." "Very nice couple." "And you make a very beautiful couple too." "Well, I must find Harvey." "Well, goodbye, Mrs. Simmons." "I'll see you tomorrow night!" "Yes, goodbye, Mr. Wilson." "Myrtle Mae!" "Myrtle Mae, please try to forget all about that dreadful Mr. Wilson." "Well, there you are!" "I've been looking all over for you." "Wasn't it cold out here?" "I don't mind if I do." "That'd warm us up." "No, Charlie's would be fine, just fine." "Mr. Dowd, don't take him away!" "Let him stay with me." "Whatever he wants to do is perfectly alright with me." "He knows that." "It's up to you." "Would you like to stay with the Doctor?" "Hmm?" "No, I don't mind." "Have you ever been to Akron?" "Hmm?" "Akron." "Now where is Elwood?" "Elwood, we've been waiting for you." "We'll have to go down to the corner and wait for a bus." "Hurry up, dear." "Goodnight, Mr. Schimmelplusser." " Goodnight." "Anything the matter?" "I thought you decided to stay with Dr. Chumley?" "You have?" "You..." "Well, thank you, Harvey." "I prefer you too."