"♪ Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-bom doo boom-boom!" "♪" "♪ Raised in a noodle shop ♪" "♪ never seeking glory or fame ♪" "♪ he climbed the mountain top ♪" "♪ and earned the Dragon Warrior name. ♪" "♪ Hu!" "Ah!" "Ya!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo- sho-bom, doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom ♪" "♪ and master the skills of bodacious and awesome ♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda. ♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doom-doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ He lives, he trains ♪" "♪ and he fights with the Furious Five ♪" "♪ protect the valley somethin' somethin' ♪" "♪ somethin' somethin' alive ♪" "♪ Oh!" "Ah!" "Uh!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda ♪" "♪ Legends of awesomeness. ♪" "Sweet!" "2x03" " The Most Dangerous Po [breathes heavily] [grunts]" "Oof!" "[panicked grunts]" "[screams] [gasps]" "Why is this happening?" "Ha, gotcha!" "[sighs]" "This game's more boring than my aunty Chu's acupuncture stories." "Why does it have to be so slow around here?" "Because there haven't been any villains sighted in weeks." "Well, I don't like it." "I wish something would happen... anything." " Po, what's going on." " Not much." "Except that this was delivered this morning by special messenger to yours truly." "The esteemed General Tsin requests a private audience with the Dragon Warrior at his country estate!" "My hero." "Wow, the legendary General Tsin wants to see Po?" " What?" " Jealous?" " I don't get jealous." " She gets even." "All packed, master Po." "I hope you realize what an honor this is." "You kidding?" "General Tsin is one of my idols." "He's one of the most bodaciously awesome warriors in the history of China." "Hero in the battle of Shin Huan;" "Deliverer of the siege of Chou Lung;" "Destroyer of the Hun in that war where the Huns got destroyed." "But with no enemies left to fight, he retired." "Tragically, dramatically, whereabouts unknown." "Until now!" "By me." "Po, the General is a major benefactor of the Jade Palace." " We count on his support." " I know." "I gotta make a good impression." "I gotta show him I'm General Tsin-worthy." "I gotta bring it." "[laughs]" " How you gonna do that?" " I recommend not going." "Are you planning on giving him one of these friendship bracelets?" "No..." "No." "No, no." "[chuckles] Don't worry." "I'll show him I'm worthy 'cause I got a hero's heart right here in my... [pants rip]" "Pants?" "Po's warrior journal, day one." "Trudged through mud, scaled hills, forged mighty torrents." "Bravely, I marched on with mighty steps." "Then I got a charley horse." "Ow!" "So I hired a rickshaw, ate cookies, and fell asleep." "[snores]" "In the end, I reached my goal." "The fortress of General Tsin." "My destiny awaited." "Ominously, menacingly, fearfulfully." "[grunts]" "Uh, can I go now?" "Oh, right. [chuckles] Sorry." "Okay, Po." "Time to show this guy how tough and fearless you are." " What?" " Gah!" "[screams] [all growl] [whimpers]" "If this is a bad time, I could come back later." "Stand down, men." "Let's see what we've bagged." "General Tsin!" "Hi, this is embarrassing." "And painful." "For the love of lychee nuts, what are you supposed to be?" "Sir, I'm the Dragon Warrior." "Reporting for dinner, or whatever." "Brunch is good too." "Cut him down." "[groans]" " Thank you." " So you're the Dragon Warrior?" "Yes, sir." "My friends call me Po." "You can too." "Hint, hint." "Snap it shut, soldier." "Stand up." "Eyes front." "Shoulders back." "Suck in that gut." "Suck it in, tubby." " Suck, suck, suck!" " I'm sucking, I'm sucking!" "You're no warrior." "You're a soft, simpering, whiny little panda cub." " Okay, uh, that's a little hurtful." " Lances." "Wait, no, I got a ticket!" "A golden ticket, it's..." "it's right, uh... somewhere." "[chuckles] [growls]" "Wa-tai!" "[grunting]" "Oof!" "Wa-ta!" "Got it." "Huh?" "[nervous chuckle]" "Uh... [laughs]" "That's the warrior spirit." " Nice moves, son." " Ooh!" "A little test there." "Come on, let's get some chow." "And then you're gonna help me rid China of evil." "Yes!" "[eats noisily]" "I'll tell you, Dragon Warrior, China's not what it used to be." "I know." "It's been so damp lately." "Mmm..." "amazing dim sum, by the way." "Look around." "Evil is everywhere." "Goats control the media." "Even the food we eat is filled with toxic poisons." "[angry grunts]" "Is this another, uh, test?" "He asked, rather hopefully." "Well done." "You can see the toxins flying through the air, can't you?" "I remember this one time with minister Cho Li." "Well done." " I like you, Dragon Warrior." " I like you too, General." "You got the spirit." "You got the fire." "You got the smell of burnt bamboo on a wet Saturday." "Is that... good?" "General, Hundun has been sighted on the property." " Hundun the rhino, here?" " It's go time, soldier." "Wow." "Sweet." "Closet." "I've collected rare weapons from all over the world." "Like this one." "[explosion]" "I call it Mr. Kaboom." "Can't talk." "So awesome." "You up for this, Dragon Warrior?" "General, us rough, tough warriors of the Jade Palace have a saying:" "[explosion]" "[nervous laugh]" "Uh..." "[growls]" "Ka kaw!" "Ka kaw... mmph." "Keep it down, Dragon Warrior." "Stealth is everything." "Don't worry, General." "He's mine." "Um, [chuckles]" "Sorry, I sort of broke your weapon there." "To the pure warrior, anything can be a weapon." "Nicely done, General." "But you ever seen this one?" "Booyah!" "[laughs] Atta boy." "I knew you were right for this." "[sniffs]" "I smell something." " Rhino musk." " Eww." "He's close." "Think you can take him?" "Think?" "I don't think." "I just... mull things over a little bit and then, uh..." " Let's bag us a rhino!" " Go get him." "Ki-yah!" "You, where is the bakery?" "[whimpers]" " I... what?" " The bakery?" "I received this coupon for free plum pie." "I love plum pie like a circle of plum love greeting it's rhino mouth in eating that I do!" "I don't know." "What is it?" "Is it a story or a song title?" "How many words?" "The rhino's coming, so hide." "Hey!" "I'm here to claim my free pie, which will be free and requiring no compensation." "A pie!" " What's he talking about?" " I lured him here with a fake coupon." "Rhinos can't resist pie." "What do you mean, lured him?" "After he committed a crime?" "Crime?" "What crime?" "I lured him here so I could hunt him." "Hunt him?" "Like "hunt him" hunt him?" "Affirmative." "Hunt him for sport." " That's what I do." " Um, is this another test?" "'Cause if Hundun hasn't done anything wrong then hunting him is, what's the word?" "Hmm... wrong?" "!" "Is this your way of angling for the first shot at him?" "Go get him, Dragon Warrior." " But I..." " Go get him!" "[snorts]" "Well, go on, go on, go on." "Come on, panda." "Now, before he runs away all scared." "Test or not, I cannot let this happen." "Huh?" " Po!" " You spooked him." "Uh, I'll get him, General." "Wait here." "What are you doing here?" "Of course, pie." "Did you get my pies?" "No, wait, wait, Hundun." "You've gotta get out of here." "This guy's after your hide." "Literally." "Don't try to bamboozle me with your soft talking of whispered puzzlement." "I want my plum pie." "Which is round." "And pie-like!" "Get down, Po." "Pie robber!" "Way to wear him down, soldier." "Come on, you horn-plated bootlicker." "[enraged yell] [both grunting]" "Hundun, you've gotta get out of..." "uh-oh." "You have to run, I'm trying to..." "Aah!" "Seriously, you..." "[sighs]" "Oof!" "[grunts]" "Well, I'll be dipped in hot mustard." " You did it, Dragon Warrior." " Yeah, I guess I did." "Great hunt." "Bracing." "Oh, he's still kicking." "Uh, listen, this has been fun, really, but, uh, why don't I take it from here?" "I'll get Hundun to Chor Ghom prison for, uh, trespassing." "Chor Ghom?" "Nonsense." "We'll put him in with the others." "Oh, well, well, uh..." "Others?" "I store them here for safekeeping." "It's the finest collection in China, by the way." "[gasps]" "Scorpion!" "Temutai?" "Oh..." "Fung and Gary..." "uh, Gah-ri!" "What have you done to them?" "I used the powder of the Zou Chow plant to place them in a deep sleep." "They're awake, but completely unable to move." "How about that, neat, huh?" "[screams]" "Yeah, I know." "The eye thing's kinda creepy." "Oh..." "look at the hourglass." "I... really should be going and, uh, let you get back to being crazy." "[yelps]" "Dragon Warrior, I assure you I am completely sane." "Now put this copper wok on your head." "It'll keep out the wiggling skull crack vibratories." " O'kay..." " Prepare the specimen." "[gas hissing]" "General, wait." "[laughs]" "[laughs]" "Now he's completely helpless." "And he really pulls the room together, don't he?" "So, just to recap, you lure dangerous villains here to freeze them for fun?" "Soon, I'll have all the evil in China locked away right here." "[laughs] [nervous laugh] [laughs] [laughs] [laughs] [forced laugh]" "Ah, it's good to laugh." "Sorry, General." "Ya!" "Have you lost your tiny wits?" "Sir, I'm sorry." "I wanted to win your respect." "But, respectfully, you're kinda bonkers." "This is wrong." "Wrong, wrong, wrong!" "Oh, I see." "Thank you for opening my eyes." "I was wrong." "About you!" "You're just like the rest of them!" "You're a huge disappointment to me, boy." "But on the upside, you're gonna look just great on my wall." "[gulps]" " You're mine, Dragon Warrior." " General, don't." "I'm one of the good guys." "Good!" "Ha, that's just what the voices in my head want me to believe!" "[growls]" "Ha, who's the hunter and who's the hunted huntee... guy thing now?" "[yelps] Pepper juice." "Ah, sting-y!" "Ooh, it burns, ooh!" "Oof!" "Get up and run, boy." "[whimpers]" "[breathes heavily] [whimpering]" "[screams]" "[panicked breathing] [screams]" "Nowhere to run, panda." "Impending pain!" "Impending pain!" "[pants]" "I made it." "I'm alive." "I gotta get back to the Jade Palace." "I gotta get out of here." "[groans]" "The selfish Dragon Warrior." "Saving himself while others are left unsaved." "Through his not saving them." "Hundun?" "I..." "I barely got out of there alive." "And the rest of us?" "Those that are currently innocent?" "You are no warrior." "You are selfish." "And whatever is the opposite of a warrior." "[echoing] That's you." "What?" "[frustrated sigh]" "Brain-trauma Hundun is right." "I can't leave those guys there." "I gotta go back and help them." "[both growl] [screams and grunts]" "Okay, bad guys." "For some weird reason, I'm here to save you." "Okay..." "It's righty tighty, lefty, uh, what is it?" "Lefty..." "Loser." "No, it's not "loser." It's lefty, um... [screams]" "Okay, loser." "Oof!" "Gotcha now." "[laughs]" "General, I came here because you were a hero." "Were?" "Yes, but "were" could be "are"" "if...if...if...ah, you're acting crazy, General." "This isn't the way of a hero." "You're right, this is." "[gas pumps]" "[laughs]" "How do you like that green gas?" "Wait, green gas?" "I switched the hoses." "But that'll wake them up, you rancid dumpling." "[grunting, coughing]" "You." "You will pay for what you have done to us by paying us for what you have done." "To us!" "All: [menacing cries]" "Fine." "I ain't running." "Do you worst, evil-mongers." "Aah!" "Get him!" "[laughs] [grunts] [gulps]" "Fung." "[both grunting]" "[laughs] Wha...?" "[grunts]" "Oof!" "[groans] That all... that all you got?" "[sighs]" "I sprinkle punks like you in my..." "steamed custard... pie." "Mmm, pie." "Aah!" "Ya!" "Get away from the General." "He's a great leader, who's just gone a little nutty." "Okay, a lot nutty." "Okay, I'm talking certifiably whacked out looney..." " I think they get the idea." " Right." "Now, back off, all of you." "I'm an expert at using this..." "[screams]" "Oof!" "Thank you, Dragon Warrior." "Goodbye!" "This is not over." "Because it will continue." "Nice work, Dragon Warrior." "Despite letting my life's work run through a hole in the wall, we made quite a team." "Except for you being totally evil and all." "And except for you being as crazy as a big bag of cuckoo." "[groans]" "Touché." "So what are you gonna do now?" "Freeze me like I did them?" "Hoist me with my own petard?" "Don't have a... petard handy, but, uh, I do have another idea." "They can't keep me in here forever, Po." "You'll see." "China needs me." "When I get out, I'll build a huge boat from... noodles and jam..." "and stuff." "[laughs]" "O'kay, bye." "[yelps]" "Well, I hope you're proud, Po." "You've imprisoned the Jade Palace's biggest contributor." "True." "Things could be worse." "Well, it was a bit crazy to let loose the most dangerous criminals in China." "Me, crazy?" "Shifu, I'm the sanest guy you'll ever meet." "Now let's go get them!"