"You're history, Ninja Boy!" "We'll teach you... to keep your nose out of our business!" "This if for the pizza and soda." "And this is for any damages." "Thanks." "Hope you enjoyed your la supper, Ninja Boy!" "Yeah, your last supper." "Use these they're old." "Sorry about the window, Joe." "Get him!" "I hope you're not afraid of heights." "But I am afraid of heights." "You need professional help." "Get up there." "Going down." "Ah, let go of my hair!" "You're stepping on my fingers." "That color looks good on you." "We'll make ninja burgers out of you!" "Ahh!" "Oh, I'm out of here." "Oops." "And cut!" "Nice work, everybody." "That's going to be lunch, half hour." "Watch out!" "Look, look." "Here it comes, here it comes." "Watch this... watch this." "And cut." "Luther!" "Water." "Just like you like it," "I love it." "Boy." "We love it too." "Yes, I thought you would." "You're golden, kid." "You've got the magic." "We found a caterer, that will go for thirteen dollars a plate." "That's chicken or the meatloaf." "We'll go with tuna for twelve." "Do it again." "Mr. Wadsworth, any word on "Muscle Monsters from Malibu"?" "We go into production, you guys are the first to know." "Cool." "Ahh, don't forget the exhaust pipe, lad." "I hate dirty exhaust pipes." "He polishes David's tail pipes?" "He doesn't polish my tail pipes." "Hey, when your finished polish our tail pipes." "Yeah." "Yeah, why don't you make me, huh?" "On second thought don't worry about it." "Now remember, when Wil Shriner ask you, your favorite food is hamburger and french fries." "Your favorite TV show is "Beverly Hills 90210"" "Oh, who's your favorite baseball team?" "The Chicago Cubs." "No." "Atlanta braves, they had a better season." "Let's go with a winner." "And... when you grow up, you want to be a jet fighter pilot." "No, I don't." "Yes, you do, remember I took you to see that movie "Top Gun"?" "You loved that movie." "I bought you that styrofoam glider." "You threw it for hours, there's fighter pilot in your blood." "Wait a second." "I never saw Top Gun." "Yeah, but we saw the coming attractions." "The lines were too long." "ANNOUNCER:" "The Wil Shriner Show will be right back after these messages." "So when Wil Shriner asks you to show us some of your stuff, you'll ninja chop this wood." "Boy, you're stronger than you look." "It's just balsa wood, Uncle Bob." "I mean it's fake." "Hey, who needs the gym, huh?" "The studio doesn't want you to get hurt, Kevin." "Nobody will know the difference, this is television." "I will." "Where's the coffee?" "Where's my coffee!" "Here." "It's about time." "The logo goes out." "Idiot!" "Are you brainless?" " We're on the air in..." " Are you without a brain in your head?" " 5, 4, 3..." " You'll be working your butt on" " arsenio if you screw up again!" " 2, 1... go!" "I'm surrounded by idiots." "Oh, hi there and welcome back." "Now I want to thank my good personal friend" "Kevin Costner for dropping by." "I know he had to run cause he's shooting a film." "But you all know my next guest from his recurring role, on the action adventure show "No More Mr. Nice Guy"." "All right, you're on, Kevin." "Don't forget anything we went over." "And the most important thing to remember... is to act honest and real." "Oh!" "Don't forget the fake wood." "Well, he's just completed work on his own Motion Picture." "So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Hollywood's newest superstar, and teen heartthorb, the Ninja Boy himself," "Kevin Ryan." "Kevin..." "Hey, nice to have you on our show." "That's quite a little hand shake you got there, Ninja Boy." "So, you must have to eat right, exercise to stay in shape." "Well, my favorite food is hamburger and french fries, my favorite television show is "Beverly Hills 90210", my favorite baseball team is the Alanta Braves and I want to be a jet fighter pilot." "Wow, uh, I guess we'll just get right into our demonstration then." "We have a little surprise for you, Ninja Boy." "We wanted to see you in action, so we invited kickboxing champion, Eto Samaguci over here to spar with you." "How's that for a surprise." "It'd be an honor." "Mr. Samaguchi, can I call you Sam?" "What do you think of our little Ninja Boy here?" "What ever you say." "Okay." "Folks, don't try this at home." "They got large sticks." "I had no idea this was going to happen." "They look like large pieces of licorice." "He better pull this off." "He will." "I'd stake my life on it." "And if he doesn't, strike that last statement from the record." "Jay?" "Merv?" "Mike?" "Dave?" "Arsenio?" "I'm okay." "I'm on camera, get out of here, you idiot!" "Ouch!" "That was good, kid!" "I'm sorry, let me help you." "Oh!" "He cheats, that guy cheats!" "He cheats!" "Very nice." "Ladies and gentlemen, the Ninja Boy, Kevin Ryan." "Nicely done!" "Mr. Samaguchi, here you need this more than me." "What do you think of our Ninja Boy?" "Yeah, two of those and come misp soup." "We'll be right back after this TV break." "Don't go away!" "Okay, how many?" "I'll take two." " Two." " You?" "Same here." "Two." "I'll take three." "Three." "And Mr. Lucky takes three." "What's with the dog?" "What do you mean, what's the the dog." "He can't help the way he looks, it's in his genes." "I'm not talking about genes." "I mean ever since he's been sitting next to me, I haven't won a hand." "Talk about paranoid." "Hey, we're agents, all agents are paranoid." "We should have been doctors." "Yeah." "I'll bet ten bucks." "Too rich for me." "I'm out." "I'll see your ten and I bet another ten." "Three ladies." "Read em' and weep... four deuces." "Okay, that does it." "The dog is cheating." "You can tell by his eyes." "Manny, be reasonable." "Huh?" " What's he doing, Manny?" " What's he doing?" "Is he sending signals?" "Yeah, well, uh, two wags of the talk... two pair." "Three wags... three of a kind." "For heaven's sake, he doesn't even have a tail how can he wag?" "Yeah, well..." "Calm down." "All right, all right." "Buford, go on out." "Go on up to Kevin's room." "You hurt his feelings, I hope you're happy." "I don't care." "Okay, Kevin." "During the Lincoln administration one of the most important things was the emancipation proclamation." "Why was it so important?" "Well, well, why was it so important?" "Well, umm, isn't it true that some people don't think it's important at all?" "Kevin, you didn't read the chapter, did you?" "What read the chapter?" "Oh, you mean chapter seven." "It's chapter seven?" "I'm sorry." "Okay." "We'll try again tomorrow." "And, Kevin... get some sleep." "What are you looking at?" "You think you're so smart?" "You tell me why the emancipation proclamation's so important then." "A pair of nines." "I don't like these plastic cards," "I think I read somewhere they cause cancer." "Well, that's why I won't eat them anymore." "And besides I think that test was done with white mice playing go fish." "Two pair, jacks high." "Same thing only mine's got kings." "First it's the dog." "Then it's her." "You just don't know how to play fair, do you?" "What are you talking about?" "Bob, can I speak to you for a minute please?" "Yeah, I'll be right there." "What's going on?" "Changing secret signals?" "You know you really need therapy." "Will you watch my chips." "I don't trust him." "You want to wait for him or play another hand?" "Well, we could dance, want to dance?" "Oh, brother!" "Bob, we have a problem." "What are you nuts?" "There's no problem, I'm up two hundred bucks." "I'm talking about Kevin." "He's falling way behind in his studies." "At this pace he won't be ready for the tenth grade." "Are you kidding?" "He's like one of the smartest kids I know." "He knew right away that Bruce Wayne was really Batman." "Have you ever had one of these?" "These are great." "No." "No, thanks." "I'm talking about his education, Bob." "His future, his life." "His life, his future?" "He's going to be a big movie star." "That's his life." "That's his future." "I have taught a lot of different kids at the studios, but Kevin is something special." "I'm going to fight for him." "And if you really care about him, I suggest you do the same." "Jeez, what a hard ass." "You danced your last dance, Ninja Boy." "I need the money more than them." "You'll never get the money, it belongs to the orphans." "Ouch, ouch!" "Ouch, ouch, where is that?" "I don't have that ouch, ouch." "Now where is that in my script?" "I just got soap in my eyes." "You're history, Ninja Boy, say your prayers." "You'll never get the money, it belongs to the orphans." "No, no, no, no." "Try it again." "Okay, now give it a lot more feeling this time." "A lot more feeling." "All right." "All right, go!" "You'll never get the money, it belongs to the orphans." "Much better, much better!" "Say your prayers, Ninja Boy." "You'll never get the money, it belongs to the orphans." "One more time and I think we got it." "Okay." "Say your prayers, Ninja Boy, you're history!" "You'll never get the money..." "Uncle Bob?" "What, what?" "Why was the emancipation proclamation so important?" "The emancipation proclamation?" "Ah, of course." "It was important because before the emancipation proclamation, there was no such thing as the free trade agreement, which in turn gave President Lincoln the idea of the concept of double coupons." "Yeah, double coupons." "[ bell ringing ]" "Ninja Boy scene twenty two take thirteen." "Speed." "Marker." "Say your prayers, Ninja Boy, you're history!" "You'll never get the money, it belongs to the orphans." "Cut!" "Cut!" "Cut!" "Cut!" "No, no, no." "Look, I know you guys like going through windows, but do me a favor, okay?" "Don't smile." "Stunt men!" "Scene twenty two take twenty five." "Marker." "Cut!" "Cut!" "Cut!" "No." "No." "Look at you!" "Look at your hair." "Your hair is completely wrong." "Hey!" "Can I have somebody from hair please to fix this guys hair." "Can people around here maybe do their job?" "Scene twenty two take thirty one." "Marker." "Cut!" "Kevin." "Kevin." "Stay!" "Are you okay?" "He's just fine, aren't you, Kevin?" "There must have been something slippery on the floor." "Could we possibly get a couple of PA's to mop the floor?" "We don't want to lose our major star, do we, Kevin?" "You know, David, it might be good if he lays down for a couple of minutes." "We're on a roll." "The floor was slippery." "It's being handled." "Okay?" "It's okay, Uncle Bob." "I just slipped." "That parking space next to mine?" "It has your name on it." "When you turn sixteen, it's beamer heaven." "Okay, guys, let's shoot this puppy." "Ninja Boy scene twenty two take thirty eight." "Marker." "Cut!" "Excellent!" "That is a keeper ladies and gentlemen, and we are wrapped." "Perfect timing." "The photographers are waiting over on stage nine." "The photographers?" "And afterwards, David has arranged a really big surprise for you this evening." "But I was supposed to be with my tutor tonight." "Don't worry, she'll be paid." "Come on." "Okay, this is very nice." "Look at me." "Don't blink." "Don't blink." "Chin down, chin down." "No, no, too much." "Okay, there you go." "Look away a little." "Back to me." "Back to me." "Don't blink." "Here we go." "Don't blink." "Very nice." "What's that?" "My history book." "Well, it's in my shot." "Get rid of it." "Okay, now, show me some teeth, Ninja Boy." "Great." "Good." "Okay." "I've got what I need." "Wasn't that fun?" "Come on, it's time for David's big surprise." "# I'd say we're two of a kind #" "# We got music on our minds #" "# I like it loud #" "# Like a gunshot #" "# If you like it cooking #" "# Come get it while it's hot #" "# Don't make me sit down #" "# Don't hold me back #" "# This train is off the track #" "# Hey, man #" "# I'm what I am #" "# I've got a leather heart like you #" "# Deep in my soul #" "# Lives rock and roll #" "# I've got a leather heart like you #" "# I love my metal #" "# And my blue tattoo #" "# I ride my Harley to Sunday school #" "# Your hair's too long #" "# Your papa's mad #" "# Your mamma's told you this girl is bad #" "# Ain't gonna to fight it #" "# Ain't gonna quit #" "# Let's rock this place to bits #" "# Hey, man #" "# I'm what I am #" "# I've got a leather heart like you #" "# Deep in my soul #" "# Lives rock and roll #" "# I've got a leather heart like you #" "# Hey, man #" "# I'm what I am #" "# I've got a leather heart like you #" "# Deep in my soul #" "# Lives rock and roll #" "# I've got a leather heart #" "Venus darling!" "That was smashing!" "Absolutely smashing!" "Thank you." "Venus, I'd like you to meet Kevin Ryan." "Oh, Ninja Boy." "Hi." "I understand you're taking me dancing tonight." "I am." "That's your big surprise tonight." "Now, it's our first date." "Absolutely no funny business." "Okay." "Well, why don't we get you two a little more aquainted." "Shall we?" "Bye." "You know, David, I'm not quite sure about this thing." "You know?" "I like it." "I think it's great." "They look great together." "It's the all American couple." "# I don't wait up for me tonight, mama #" "You just follow my lead, Ninja Boy." "We're gonna make the cover of every tabloid in the nation." "I'm thirsty, Ninja Boy." "Will you get me a coke?" "A coke?" "A coke." "What's a hot babe like you doing with a member of the Brady Bunch?" "Him?" "The studio wanted me to be seen with him." "He's supposed to be some big ninja movie star." "He wouldn't be anything without his stunt guys." "Nice cross." "I love a woman that's religious." "Excuse me." "Here's your coke." "Thank you." "Mind if I cut in for the rest of the evening?" "I don't want to dance with him." "I'm sorry, she doesn't want to dance with you." "I'll determine that." "Besides... you've got to go get changed." "Now go home, Poppa Smurf." "I don't believe you did that." "So what are you doing later on anyway?" "Hey, guy." "What?" "Listen, buddy." "I don't want to hurt you." "You've got to be kidding." "Alright, Bruce Leroy." "You want to go?" "Let's go." "I thought you said he was a phony." "I guess I lied." "I waited for you, Kevin." "I didn't know you were going to be here." "The studio wanted me to go out." "Well, that's a shame." "Because we were going to start something very important tonight." "I'm sorry." "The studio wanted me to be seen in public." "Well, I was here to teach you about the civil war." "Did you learn anything about the civil wat tonight, Kevin?" "Tonight?" "Well, it was kind of a war, but I don't know how civil it was." "The civil war the turning point in our country's history." "I'm sorry you had to miss it." "Oh, for God's sake, let me do that." "Never will learn to shuffle, will you?" "Okay." "Aces, deuces, fours, and sevens are wild." "No." "No." "No." "Dealers choice." "I'm the dealer, you're just doing it." "Alright, cut." "Who didn't anty?" "You didn't." "I antyed." "You didn't anty." "You never anty." " I don't understand it." "It's a dollar." " I..." "I..." "It's a dollar." "What is it to you?" "A dollar by God." " But..." " Come on, it's not a life saver." "This is five card draw." "Don't put them all over the place." "Okay, what did you say was wild?" "Ah..." "Jacks, nines..." "Well, you can't look at your cards and then tell me what's wild for God sakes." "That's cheating." " Definitely cheating." " Who ever heard of that." " Dealers choice." " No." "No." "Miss deal." " Well, let's see..." " That is cheating." "Let's make deuces wilds, and I think I have a jack here." "He just, he just took this anty back." "You took the anty out again." "We're starting again." "Yeah, but it doesn't matter we're starting a new game." "We're not taking a break here." "You keep taking the anty out." "Okay, five card stud." "I might as well deal in the dog;" "that way he can look at his own cards." "Studio teacher for Ninja Boy." "Stage twenty two." "Nice jacket." "Why didn't you call me and tell me you were wearing that?" "I didn't realize I had to call and ask your permission before I get dressed in the morning." "Oh, man, how embarrassing." "Let's hope David doesn't notice." "David." "Here's your coffee." "Your stir rod, sir." "David, may I speak to you for a moment, please?" "We've got to talk." "Certainly, Susanne." "Kevin missed another session last night." "He didn't show up." "Well, he had more important things to do." "More important things?" "David, he starts high school the day this film finishes." "He's way behind." "He'll never be ready." "Everything will be fine." "David, if things don't change," "I'm going to take this to the child labor board." "Susanne, Susanne, relax." "Don't worry, your pretty little head about it." "I'll take care of everything... myself." "Okay." "Thank you, David, I appreciate it." "Get rid of her." "I'm sorry, I thought it was mine." "Gentlemen." "Honorable investors." "The Ninja Boy lunch box." "And inside... a free carton of ninja nectar." "Kosher, of course." "The newest sensation, for next Halloween... the Ninja Boy costume." "It actually makes you feel like Ninja Boy." "Witness." "And now, for one of my personal favorites." "Edible Ninja Boy nunchucks." "Salted or unsalted." "And finally, for a bit of marketing genius." "A toy every kid will want, and every mother can use." "The Ninja Boy doll, and meat tenderizer." "That's a nice cut of beef." "Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Shlomo." "It'll come right out." "Twenty million in the film, further ten million in development." "We're working on Ninja Boy cereal, vitamin enriched puffed corn in the shape of tiny Ninja Boys." "Then there's the Ninja Boy video game, where you conquer world evil." "That sort of thing." "And finally, my favorite." "Ninja Boy tea." "Mr. Shlomo!" "I'm so sorry, Mr. Shlomo!" "My suit." "It's just a minor flesh wound, you'll be alright." "You look great." "Stop it." "Don't laugh." "They're the chosen people." "Stop." "Kevin's doing great." "Yeah, he works with the tutor four or five hours a day." "He's not missing a thing." "Not a thing." "Yeah, look, hey, I'm your brother." "Would I let Kevin do anything wrong?" "Huh?" "You know?" "He's doing great." "Buford!" "It's long distance!" "Bob, you okay?" "Why are you breathing so heavy?" "Buford!" "You're going to have to pay for this call." "Buford!" "Hello, Kevin." "Ms. Patterson, come in." "Don't worry, Kevin." "I'm not here for your lesson." "I'm..." "I'm here to give you a farewell gift." "A farewell gift?" "I was fired by the studio." "Why?" "I'm a teacher, Kevin." "And I believe in what I do." "But sometimes when you believe in something too strongly, it gets you in trouble." "I guess I just pushed a little too hard for something I believed in." "Now when you get dressed on your first day of school," "And right before you walk out that door, you open this gift." "Good bye." "President Lincoln changed everything with it." "Because it said that never again can one person own another person." "That's why the emancipation proclamation's so important." "Thank you, Kevin." "You know, when I bought this phone, they said it was water proof, interference proof, but never never did they mention slobber proof." "So, what about Susanne?" "Kevin, these guys make millions of dollars." "They know what they're doing." "If they fired Susanne I'm sure there was a good reason." "What do you think?" "The studio doesn't want you to learn?" "Don't be ridiculous." "David cares about you." "He likes you." "What's on the menu for lunch, boys?" "Is it chicken chop suey?" "Or corn beef hash?" "What's it going to be, Ninja Boy?" "And cut." "Cut!" "Cut!" "Go find out what's going on, will you?" "Move." "I'm a little concerned about his future." "We love doing the movies." "Okay, here's your pastrami chili cheeseburger, extra mayo, a side order of chili cheese fries." "And your tofu salad." "Oh, here's your chili cheese things, and your salad, and your straw." "Oh, thank you." "See, David, what I'm saying is that, if Kevin does the sequel right away, then he'll miss the entire spring semester." "Do you know what I mean?" "Correct me if I'm wrong, Bob." "But prior to Kevin, didn't you book clowns for birthday parties?" "Well, they weren't exactly clowns." "Clowns, Bob, saps in big shoes." "They were clowns." "Not a large vision." "In the contract, it says that you were going to give Kevin time off to go to school, and then we'd do the sequel." "Yes, the contract also stipulates that you, will support our investments in Kevin in good faith, Bob." "Now if you want to break your part of the contract, fine." "Simply return the hundred thousand dollars, the cadillac, and the house that we leased for you." "You're riding some very lucrative coat tails." "Such a tragedy to fall off." "Time is like salt, Bob." "Don't let it run out on you." "It's a good thing time isn't like ketchup." "I've got a meeting." "Take care of this, will you?" "I'll get the next one." "Good boy." "The magic of motion pictures!" "Bobby!" "Looking good guy." "We are truly privileged, you and I." "But I was supposed to go to school." "I mean we were going to do the sequel in the summer, right?" "Yes, I spoke to Uncle Bob about that, he agrees." "School can wait." "Can I be perfectly Frank with you, Kevin?" "I want to make you King of the Ninjas." "King!" "Do you realize what that means?" "Elvis?" "Elvis and Kevin." "Yes, you see it's all part of my master plan for you." "A vision if you will." "A very large and very expensive vision." "Is that why you fired Susanne?" "She wasn't part of your master plan?" "Kevin, Kevin, Kevin." "You're fourteen years old." "Do you have any idea how many fourteen years olds would like to trade places with you?" "Right now?" "You're living a dream, Kevin." "I know that if I were in your shoes," "I wouldn't want to wake up." "Knowledge is power, Francis Bacon." "One of my favorite quotes." "And what I think of when I think of you." "Have a great first day at school." "Love, your teacher Susanne Patterson." "Hey, buddy, great news." "They're going to do the sequel right away." "It's called "Frozen Ninja Boy"." "We shoot it in Alaska." "And you take on a band of killer eskimos." "How come you didn't stand up for me?" "What are you talking about?" "I was supposed to go to school." "You are going to go to school." "It's just going to be later." "That's all." "Hey, I thought we'd have pizza tonight, huh?" "I mean you were the one who was supposed to take care of me." "All you care about is this dumb house and your stupid car." "Hey, I care about you." "That's why I want you to do the sequel." "You don't care about me." "It's all a pack of lies, and you're the biggest lie of all!" "Hey, stop it!" "Don't you talk to me like that." "You're fourteen how dare you?" "Why not?" "I mean everybody else does." "They laugh at you, Uncle Bob." "You're a big joke to them." "Nobody respects you." "You know cut it out!" "I don't want to hear anymore from you." "Mr. Big Shot!" "Mr. Movie Star!" "Well, I've got news for you, Ninja Boy." "They laugh behind your back too." "Kevin." "We'll do the sequel, okay?" "Everything's going to be great." "No, it won't be okay!" "No one cares about you, Uncle Bob, and no one cares about me!" "I mean I'm not Ninja Boy." "I'm a ninja." "And to a ninja, knowledge is a part of my power." "Kevin, you don't understand." "Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Buford." "Where's Kevin?" "Ah!" "The late Mr. Ryan." "Where is he, Bob?" "Kevin's not here?" "Twenty million dollars." "That's four hundred and forty four thousand, four hundred and forty four dollars a day." "Thirty seven thousand and thirty seven dollars an hour." "Six hundred and seventeen dollars and twenty eight cents a minute." "What the hell have you done with the kid Ryan?" "Nothing!" "I thought he'd be here." "I swear I don't know where he is." "Luther!" "Yeah?" "Is he lying?" "Hold this." "You know, I'm not quite sure." "You have twenty four hours to find him." "And bring him back." "I don't know where he is." "Then I suggest Uncle Bob..." "You start looking." "You took a bite out of this, didn't you?" "Kevin." "Kevin." "Hi." "Hi." "Hold on a minute, Karen." "Is this where Ms. Patterson lives?" "Umm, yeah, she's in the back." "Who are you?" "Oh, I'm..." "Kevin Ryan." "Like I said she's in the back." "You can go back there if you want." "Thanks." "Karen, you won't believe who just walked into my house." "No." "You give up?" "Ninja Boy." "I'm serious." "I wouldn't lie about something about that." "No, I'm going to go." "I have to change into my bathing suite." "No, you can't come over." "No, you'll make him feel uncomfortable." "You'll stare." "Oh, yes, you always stare." "Remember the time you were five years old and you stared at Jimmy Henson until he cried." "No." "No." "No." "Okay, I'll call you back tomorrow." "All right, I'll call you in thirty minutes." "Bye." "Mom." "Mom!" "All right, they always say two heads are better than one." "So we've got to put our heads together and stay calm." "Now think." "If you were, Kevin, where would you be?" "You are no help." "There you go." "Kevin, want a hamburger?" "Thank you, Ms. Patterson." "Maggie, give me your plate." "Here you go." "Eddie." "You'll have to excuse my little brother." "He just escaped from the institution." "Na na..." "Maggie!" "Eddie, take some water." "Whoa!" "Are you hungry?" "Do you want another hamburger, Kevin?" "Sure." "I have to talk to him about his room." "Really cool bathing suit, Kevin." "Well, you know, it was either this or your little brother's Superman trunks." "What is it, too cold for Ninja Boy?" "Too cold?" "Too cold?" "It's never too cold for Ninja Boy." "Quit stalling get in the pool." "Quit stalling." "It's too cold." "Okay, Buford, pick up the scent, pick up the scent, Buford." "Okay, pick up the scent." "Wow, I saw it on Lassie once but... his nose was much bigger than yours." "You should be ashamed of yourself." "My parents are back in Michigan." "I live with my uncle." "That's really sad." "I mean you must really miss them." "Yeah, sometimes I do get a little lonely." "Oh, come on." "A big movie star like you." "You must have a million girls chasing after you." "No, I don't." "Oh, please." "You must go on a date every night." "Well, the truth is I haven't been on a date since, well, you know since," "actually I've never been on a date." "Then you probably have no idea how to ask a girl out, do you?" "Of course I do." "Prove it." "Show me how you'd ask me out." "Would you like to go out with me sometime?" "Oh, come on, you know what I mean." "No." "No." "No." "You have to do it like this." "Maggie... would you go out with me tomorrow?" "Come on, do it just like that." "Maggie... would you go out with me tomorrow?" "I thought you'd never ask." "He's out there somewhere." "It's simple." "I just got to look for him." "Boy, Kevin, those are really cool pajamas." "Here I brought you some towels." "Oh, thanks." "You know, next time I spend the night over someone's house..." "I'm going to remember to pack some clothes." "Kevin, you've been here since four o'clock this afternoon." "Yeah, it's been real great too." "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." "Kevin, don't you think you should let your uncle know that you're staying over?" "Oh, it's cool." "Kevin." "Ms. Patterson, Uncle Bob doesn't care what I do." "I mean he's probably out playing poker somewhere anyway." "Kevin..." "I've seen the way your uncle looks when he's watching you." "Believe me, he cares about you." "He loves you." "Maybe I'll give him a call tomorrow." "Kevin, I know something's wrong." "Do you want to talk about it?" "Maybe tomorrow okay." "I mean right now I'm just having the time of my life." "I don't want to ruin it." "Hey, darling, you looking for a good time." "Actually I'm looing for a young boy." "Well, young girls are a lot more fun." "I don't want a young girl." "I want my nephew." "That sick." "Can you believe another one of these guys wants a little boy." "Hi, Jack." "Bob, what are you doing here?" "I need you your help." "I can't find my nephew." "Kevin." "I've looked everywhere for him." "He's not here." "I know." "But I was wondering if you could help me look for him." "[ voice from inside the house ] What's taking so long?" "You guys will do anything to keep from putting money in the pot." "What's going on you guys are playing cards." "Well, not exactly cards." "Then what?" "It's more like poker." "Poker?" "Oh, come on, it's manny, it's manny." "You know how he is about the dog." "You have the dog here, do you?" "Of course not, I don't have the dog." "Well... why don't you come on in and play?" "I can't I got to look for my nephew." "Wait..." "We'll help you." "Really?" "Yeah." "We'll help you." "Thanks." "Luther." "Pour." "This is David." "I see." "Ninja Boy is still absent." "And my very expensive watch tells me that Uncle Bob's twenty four hours are up." "Luther." "Put down the water." "And handle it." "Okay." "Buford, haven't you ever heard of mouthwash?" "Buford..." "Oh, God, where's Kevin?" "Why am I always trying to have a meaningful conversation with a dog?" "what the!" "Let me, Luther." "Move over!" "Geek." "You go left." "And you go right." "If you ever want to see your benji videos again, you'll leave me alone." "Buford." "Buford." "Buford." "Let's go." "Let's go." "Let me tell you something, Buford, the key is to keep low, okay?" "They'll never notice us if we keep low." "Keep low." "Keep low." "No!" "Not that low." "Come on." "Peek-a-boo!" "Like mine." "What a pig." "Buford, come on!" "Buford!" "Look at me!" "Wipe that dumb expression off your face." "We're talking a serious death here!" "Buford, get off me." "Wait!" "Oh, not there." "Not there." "Oh, Buford!" "The neighbors are going to talk." "Oh!" "It's me." "Some gum." "Hey!" "Has anybody got any change?" "Fetch!" "Fetch, Buford!" "Buford, fetch!" "Buford." "If you don't get your droopy eyed, frying pan smashed face, tailless butt out of here, there's going to be no more teddy grahams." "That's right!" "No more teddy grahams ever." "Cinnamon or regular flavored." "Go!" "I knew he's fold." "These are good." "I really miss those days when we used to terrorize small towns." "I'm really glad you asked me out." "Look, I won." "I wonder what it feels like to be crushed by a Harley?" "Alright, think positive." "Think positive." "Don't panic." "Don't panic." "Panic!" "Your turn." "No." "No." "No." "No." "No." "What?" "You're doing it all wrong." "I mean you're batting like a girl." "That's because I am a girl." "I hope you've noticed." "Yeah, that was the first thing I did notice." " There you go!" " Okay." "I got it." "Now you're on your own." "Okay, I got it." "Okay." "They're multiplying." "Amoebas on Harleys." "I'm going to be killed by things that reproduce a sexually." "A heart transplant from a baboon that didn't take." "That's how I thought I'd go." "But never this way!" "Never." "I... suppose you want to see my license?" "Actually, Officer, this wasn't entirely my fault." "It was... lots of mean looking guys, and lots of hair." "And they smelled pretty bad too." "Come on." "Once a ninja, always a ninja, right?" "I broke the code." "I mean I used the ways of the ninja to hurt someone I love." "I hit Uncle Bob." "So what are you going to do now?" "Wait." "Practice." "Have faith." "The time will come when I can make it right again." "I just hope I don't have to wait until I'm real old." "Like twenty or something." "It's been nice guys." "See you on America's most wanted." "Lock me back up!" "Please!" "I love this man like a brother." "Nobody hurt you in there, did they?" "Oh, I love this song!" "Mr. Ryan, can I interest you in a dance?" "Right here?" "Right now?" "What?" "You've never danced on the thirteenth green?" "It's an old irish tradition." "Well, in that case." "I throw away my lucky charms, and offer you to a dance." "# Right here with me tonight #" "# Is a love and my arms are going to hold on tight #" "# And I hope you'll hold on tight #" "# Hold on tight to me #" "# Gonna tell you why #" "# The man in the moon #" "# Is shining #" "# On us #" "# Tonight #" "# Forever #" "# We'll lift our hearts to the stars #" "# Where they'll burn forever #" "You've got to understand," "I really like you guys." "I really do." "Those studio guys, they're not as nice as me." "I mean they play for keeps." "Kevin's got to do this movie." "What?" "What did you say?" "I was trying to tell you not to rip the tape off." "Come on, Luther." "Untie me, I'm not going anywhere." "Promise?" "You can run faster than me." "Okay." "Okay, this is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you." "Crybaby." "Luther." "Kevin's history book." "I didn't read it." "Wait a second." "When did that happen?" "I'm out of touch." "I'll take this home with me." "How about a soda?" "Sure." "Here you go." "Take them I don't want them anymore." "Oh, my God." "Maggie, wait." "Maggie, wait." "Mr. innocent." "You told me you had never dated before." "It wasn't a date." "Venus Vows To Make Ninja Boy Ninja Man!" "Oh, give me a break!" "Come on!" "You don't believe all that stuff, do you?" "Do you?" "I mean the studio set that up." "So why do you look like you're enjoying yourself so much?" "Maggie, stop!" "What do you want?" "Maggie... today was the best day of my life." "All that other stuff." "It's phony." "You and I." "We're real." "That picture." "You saw everything I've been running from." "You've just got to believe me." "Boy, you look silly with all those animals." "Will you stop." "What am I a chimpanzee?" "You're grooming me." "What is this?" "Oh, settle down." "Want to watch a little TV?" "I can't believe I won all these things." "Oh, Kevin." "Uncle Bob, what are you doing here?" "I'll be right back, okay, sweetie." "I'll be right back." "Okay." "Don't be long." "Kevin..." "I was wrong." "We're going to do the sequel like we originally planned." "You're going back to school." "Your uncle and I have been talking." "For real, Uncle Bob?" "For real, Kevin." "Ma'am, could I bother you for a tissue?" "Luther." "Yeah." "Remember the first time you were in love?" "Ah..." "Ah-ah..." "It's okay, Luther." "Store it in your memory and I'll ask you later." "Okay." "You know we really got to go something." "Robby has the meter running." "It's costing me a fortune." "Really?" "Can you get them?" "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Get your butt over here!" "Okay, let's go." "Those are our terms, David." "Take it or leave it." "I admire your integrity." "We'll do it your way." "Finish school, Kevin..." "We'll do "Frozen Ninja Boy" in the summer." "Really?" "I mean I'm glad you saw it my way, David." "Robin." "Take Kevin down to makeup, we have a movie to finish." "Okay... let's go to makeup." "Help me up, Kevin." "I always stick to leather, okay." ""Frozen Ninja Boy", goes ahead on schedule." "Find me a new Ninja Boy." "Umm... we have a problem, David." "Oh?" "Kevin and Bob Ryan own the Ninja Boy character." "Are you telling me that that clown agent outfoxed our attorneys?" "I'm afraid so." "Oh, my." "I think I maybe getting angry." "[ chanting ]" "Okay." "Here's what we do." "Get what's his name, the director on the phone." "We have some creative decisions to make here." "If I can't have Ninja Boy, nobody will." "Hey, thanks." "You got to be kidding." "You want me to kill off the Ninja Boy character." "I can't do that." "David." "That will change the whole end of the picture." "I can't do that." "You can't kill off the Ninja Boy." "He's the hero of the film." "No, I won't do that, David." "It compromises my integrity." "And besides I happen to have a contract for the sequel." "Two pictures." "Michelle Pfieffer?" "Yeah, kill the kid, you know, I never liked that Ninja Boy." "He's out." "[ director speaking ] Okay, just a couple of minor changes." "No matter happens," "I want you to wing it." "I want this to be spontaneous." "Okay?" "Sure, I'll try." "That's my Ninja Boy." "Kevin." "No matter what happens, just make it spontaneous." "And keep going." "Okay?" "Okay." "Okay, here we go." "Are we all set?" "Kevin takes everybody down but the killer." "Let's go." "Ninja Boy scene 119 denver." "Take one." "Speed." "Marker." "And action." "Say goodbye, Ninja Boy." "Cut!" "Cut!" "Who hired these people?" "Who are these people?" "What did you do?" "I didn't do it." "He was going to shoot me?" "He wasn't going to shoot you." "He was going to shoot Ninja Boy." "Ain't that right, David?" "Get off this set, all of you." "I own this set." "And I own you." "You're going to finish this movie!" "Not this way, he's not." "Get these two pieces of garbage off my set." "You heard my agent." "Have your own way, kid." "Jerry." "Scott." "Oh, I'm out of here." "Real violence." "Come on, guys." "You look really really good." "Except that bogger there on your shirt." "Anybody else?" "It's Kevin release." "Sign it." "You know, Bob, you'll..." "I know..." "I'll never work in this town again." "Hey, just sign it okay before Luther barbecues your beemers." "Do the right thing, David." "For God's sake, David, mine's only got twelve thousand miles on it." "Pen." "No, not the beemers!" "You lied." "What do you expect?" "I'm an agent." "Buford, drop the phone." "Drop the phone, Buford!" "Buford!" "I'm never going to let you dial 976-dog again." "Give me that phone!" "Buford... teddy grahams, teddy grahams!" "Teddy grahams, Buford." "It works everytime." "Hello." "Yeah?" "Monday morning?" "Ten o'clock." "Yes, sir." "Yes, we'll be there!" "Yeah!" "Guess what?" "That was world studios." "They want Ninja Boy and on our terms!" " Yes!" " Yes!" "New punks pay... so pay me." "Oh, really?" "That's right, punk!" "Pay me." "Why didn't you stop him?" "Me?" "You're the tough guy, Mike, not me." " Yeah, I am a tough guy." " Don't push me." "I'll push you if I want." " Don't push me." " Come on." "Come on." "# The man in the moon #" "# Is shining, on us. #" "Captioned by Grantman Brown"