"EVERY BLESSED DAY" "Good morning." "Did you take the opportunity to enjoy our fresh delicacies?" "Are you asking if we took anything from the minibar?" "Yes." "Where did you learn this lovely antiquated German?" "Guido?" "Perhaps from "Liber Evangeliorum" by Otfrid von Weissenburg." "Never mind." "If you didn't make use of the minibar, we wish you a pleasant journey." " Thanks." " You're welcome." "Goodbye!" "I caught you flirting with those blondes!" "Truth be told, I was doing their checkout." ""Truth be told", get out of here!" " "Truth be told"!" "Who says that?" " Enjoy your shift, Rossella." " Thanks, good night." " Good night." "Hold on!" "Open up, please?" "Thanks." " Hey, Guido!" " Morning, Marcello." "Bed time?" "Don't forget Sunday the 29th." "Patrizia told your lady already." " Right." " Go get some sleep." "Thursday, October 2nd, St. Leodegar of Autun." "Bishop and martyr under Theodoric the Third, who battled Manichean heresy but was tortured, blinded, and killed." "Good morning." " Me first!" " No, together!" "Wait for me." "Wait!" "Give me a kiss." " I think I fucked up." " Why?" "When?" "My cousin called me yesterday and being the dumb-ass that I am, I told her that we were..." " That we're trying." " Why are you a dumb-ass?" "Because that moron told my blockhead sister, who told my idiotic mom, who obviously told my half-wit dad." "Come on, they can't be that bad." "They're monsters who criticize us for not being married." " Then let's get married." " You have no idea." "They'd expect a "Godfather" style wedding." " Cool!" " Hell no!" "They take out a mortgage to plan weddings there." " They want to visit us now." " I'll finally meet them!" "No, please!" "Out of the question." "Last time I visited," "I was arguing with my folks the second I got there." "I hate that place, I hate those people." "Here, I'll help you." "For fuck's sake, I'm late!" " I'll take the scooter." " No, it's too cold and dangerous." "You're such a drag." "Go to sleep, will you?" "Piss off!" "We're waiting for some personnel..." "excuse me." " Antonia..." " I'm here." "Can you make an effort to be here on time, please?" "Put on your ID card." "It's not my fault the bus broke down." "And your scarf, thanks." "I'll put this over here, with your lame bus excuse." "That dickhead is always busting my balls." "Just take it easy." "Next, please?" "Good morning." "Did you book?" "Name?" " Right on, Marcello!" " Sausages!" "Here, Gorilla!" "You need to grow." "You don't, or your wheelchair will break." "Quit eating." "Are we opening up the gifts?" "Look at all this!" "Who is this from?" " Us, just a little gift." " How sweet, thanks." "Isn't this great?" "Picture cards too'?" "Say thanks to Antonia and Guido." "Thanks!" "Hold on sweetie, open the next gift." "What's in here?" "It's from me, grandma Lucia, and aunt Sabrina." "Coming!" "Aunt Sabrina is here, let's open it up now." "No way, I don't believe it!" "Really?" "This is like amazing, you shouldn't have!" "It's got her name on it." "Damn you're dense, this isn't how it's spelled!" "On her birth certificate it says Miscél Caiozzi." "Your son messed up at town hall." " It's with a "ch", you imbecile!" " Hell no..." " Show them what it says here!" " Not again, stop!" ""Michele"." "Who's this Michele guy, my cousin?" "It's with "sch", like that Mischelle Hunziker." "I give up, you're so ignorant." " Hungry, guys?" "Want more food?" " No, thanks." "You sure?" " Grab the guitar and sing us a song." "We hear you singing all the time, you've got a great voice." "Sorry, hope I didn't disturb you..." "No, you've got a great voice!" "Whose songs are they?" "I think I know, that English chick..." "The one who's always bombed, that poor chick..." "Am I right?" "The music and lyrics are by Antonia, she writes superb songs." "Okay, enough... thanks." "She's got real talent, her live performances are breathtaking." "You're so sweet." " Hear him?" " Don't hit me, I can hear him." "Play us a tune before the soccer game." "Come on, before the game!" "Damn, you're good!" "Wow, never heard a song like that before!" "The song's not done, there's more." " Sing a song we all know." " A Vasco Rossi song!" "Sorry, I don't know any of his." " Play "Grazie Roma"." " We'll get pumped up for the game." " Maybe next time..." " Don't stop playing!" " Maybe later." " My daughter likes it." "The game's starting, let's roll!" "The game's on..." "Guido, come watch a real team." "Easy, don't drop me." "A friend hacked my cable box, now I get every channel:" "Sky, satellite, Champions League, Fox, and porn too." "Come over anytime you want." " What's your favorite team?" " I'm no soccer aficionado." "As a kid I liked Bergamds team, Atalanta." "Aren't you Tuscan?" "It's the name of the Greek goddess of hunting, fairly similar to Artemis, perhaps you've heard..." "Like I told you, Guido's a real character." "He's a trip." "Mom, can you take her?" "I think she needs to be changed." "Like this!" "Little Miss Grumpy loves playing with Antonia!" "She doesn't like anyone, not even her father." "She either runs around or clings to me." "Right, cutie?" "She's not grumpy, plus we're friends." "We even sing songs together." " All combed." " What are you guys waiting for?" "Haven't you been together forever?" " Well..." " Are you worried about your job?" "No, I don't care about that shitty job at all!" "Because your house is too small?" "We have the same house and we live here in four." "What are you waiting for?" "It's not like you die or get arrested for not having a kid." "I'll get something to drink." "Someone's bitter..." "Cutie, go play with the other kids." "Go drink some fruit juice and let me smoke this damn cigarette." "Don't excruciate yourself." "What does that even mean?" "It comes from "crux, crucis"." "Crucify yourself, torture yourself." " Maybe I'm defective." " Nonsense!" "If anything, I took after uncle Alfredo, who was "vacuous"." "That's what the farmers in my area used to say:" ""Only three chicks were born, the other eggs were 'vacuous"'." "What did your aunt Jolanda from Poggibonsi say?" ""Guido, my munchkin," "I'd gladly do some mending for you, but it's a bit too 'irkalating"'." ""Irkalating" cracks me up." "Hey, are you crying?" ""Spermiogram, Rome"." "No, thanks." "Very kind of you, but no." "You too..." "Now, time to sleep." "Please, go." "Same to you, goodnight." "Hello, I'd like to schedule a spermiogram." "Spermiogram, Friday at 9:00, all right?" "Guido Caselli." " Three days of abstinence, okay?" " Fine." " Total abstinence, understand?" " Dagnabit, I totally understand!" "Tuesday, November 12th, St. Cunibert of Cologne, conservator of King Dagoberfs son and evangelizer of Saxony's rural villages." "I'm having a naughty dream." "Let me tell you about it..." "Sorry, but I have tons to do this morning." " Come here!" " I have laundry to do..." "Go take a shower, it's late." "Guido Caselli?" "Follow me." "In here, please." "This is for you." "Make yourself comfortable..." "there are periodicals if you'd like." " Where did you learn..." " This lovely antiquated German?" "Come on!" "Sorry, we need to speed this up." "If I can help..." "Yes, please." "We have a line of patients and time is ticking..." " Make it a quickie, okay?" " Yes." "Know what we need to do?" "We need to optimize." " Optimize, optimize." " I'll optimize now." "Will you be much longer?" " Are you ready?" " Yes." "I'd like to remind you that Mrs. Mae will arrive soon for an MRI of her plantar fascia." "Does "plantar fascia" arouse you?" "Not much." "Go away!" "Are you looking at my boobs?" "Another mamma's boy who loves big boobs!" "Mamma's boy!" "Optimize!" "Done?" "We're not here to waste time." "Are you ready?" "Help me, my love." "Help me." " That's the best I could do." " Fine." "Results in person or by mail?" "I'll come..." "I mean, I'll pick them up." " Goodbye." " Thanks, you are very... kind." "Thank you." "You have asked to have Costanza baptized?" "Yes, we have." "Costanza, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." "Almighty God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, has cleansed you from sin in new birth to innocence by water and the Spirit." "Shall we go eat?" "I heard you need to watch your blood pressure." "Your mom's a snitch, it's slightly high." "Geez, can't a man enjoy the infirmities of old age?" "Big brother, you're looking slim and trim!" "How are your abs?" "Nonexistent." "I'm no loser like you who's in the gym every day like an American." "America's only ﬂaw is the fact that you're not there." "You should come." "We'll visit eventually, maybe next summer." "Duccio, did you tell him about it?" " Oh, right!" "The Classics Department is looking for a Latin literature assistant." "You'd be perfect for the job." "An expert on early Christian martyrs." "He tells me this all the time!" "Ignore him, I merely wrote a thesis on the topic." "It's true, he knows tons about it!" "Names of streets, saints, churches, tons!" "Fundamental things." "I call him "Guidopedia"." "It would be great." "It would be great but I rather enjoy what I'm doing now." "It's not a demanding job, I have the entire night to relax and read." "And think..." "And Beethoven is on the hotel's sound system all night." "Guido never slept much." " Remember, Lorenzo?" " Yes." "He would read all night... with a flashlight so he wouldn't wake Duccio." "How sweet!" "In fact, Guido... you're right, your job sounds really pleasant." "Good for you." "Here's the chestnut cake." "It should be eaten with ricotta, but we have none." "What exactly does Guido do for work?" "He's the night porter in a big hotel." "Nice!" "We'd better hurry." "Guido, I'll put it in the car." " I'm so fond of Antonia." " I'm fond of her too." "Listen, this is from me and dad." "Take it, you could use it." "You never know..." "It's unnecessary, we both work." "Really." "Bye, mom." "Have a good trip." " How is it?" " It's fucking wonderful!" "It basically says that plants have personalities like us." "And it provides examples from ancient literature and history." "I've yet to read it." "Your mom gave it to me, your dad was too shy to." "What a great man!" "And your mom too." "I love your parents." "I know, they appear to be lovely people." " Your sister-in-law seems normal!" " She is normal." "Well, she teaches at university and has two kids!" "And your brother is Obama's special financial assistant." "What's so funny?" "He's a consultant for the government's economic policy." " What did I say?" " Same thing." "And he's only 30!" "He's a genius too." "I know, I'm the only dummy in the house." "No, baby." "Come on." " No, not here." " They're all asleep, relax." "I spoke to your mom about our situation..." "She made an appointment for us with a hotshot gynecologist." " He works with the Pope." " The Pope's gynecologist?" " He must be a real pro!" " Silly, you know what I meant." "She said he's a bit Catholic, but he's great." " Easy with that hand." " Nobody will see, they're asleep." "We'll go see him if you want." "Behave!" "We'll go see him, but I don't think you have a problem." " Neither do you, apparently." " Behave, they're watching." " Let's go to the bathroom." " No." " Come on!" " No." " Let's go." " The bathroom..." "Let's go!" "Professor Savarese, room 24." "Thanks, goodbye." "Holy cow, 150 euros!" "At least they gave us a receipt." "Well I should hope so!" "Almost done..." "You can get dressed." "Well, morphologically your wife seems to be just fine." "We're not married, I'm not his wife!" "0K8)'" "Thanks, doctor." "Morphologically fine." "At first glance." "But we'll do a nice hysteroscopy too." "Plus, we need you to take a few more tests." "Ma'am... pardon, miss... we'll need you to take these hormones I'll prescribe on the 3rd and 23rd days of our cycle." " Do I have some sort of problem?" " Relax." "I think Antonia is perfectly healthy, if anything, I'm the defective one." "Look, I had a spermiogram." " You did?" " Sorry, I didn't tell you about it." "I see no real problems, actually everything looks pretty good." "But the report mentions asthenospermia and teratomorphism, these slow, hideous spermatozoids..." "All your values are normal." "They might not be sprinters, but they'll inseminate our oocytes." "Rest assured!" "When did we stop using protection?" "We never used protection." "No'?" "Never." "Not even our first time, when we'd just met." "It's been six years now." "Can you believe that, baby?" "Six years." "How are you?" "She's better now." " Are you okay?" " Yes." "My sweetie..." "One of our tubes is a bit closed, the left one." "The right one is open." "Perhaps a bit obstructed, but open." "If the lady here were to become pregnant, what we'd have is an elderly primigravida." " A what?" " It's a technical term." "Ma'am, nowadays your condition is rather common." "Women who have their first child at an advanced age." " Advanced, my foot." "I'm 33!" " Relax." "Do you know that Alexander the Great was 10 years younger than you when he conquered India?" "But let's not cross our bridges before coming to them." "There's still hope." " Even if..." " Even if what, doctor?" "During the luteal phase we have a slight progesterone issue... which would also explain why we have a short cycle." " I'm sterile, I knew it!" " He didn't say that." "No?" "He said I have an obstructed tube," "I'm elderly, and I have a progesterone issue too." "Ma'am, you can't imagine how many cases I've seen that were far more complicated than yours, yet, lo and behold, I was at their baptisms!" "We need to be patient." "Excuse me, I don't understand much but seeing I have all these issues, wouldn't it make sense to try..." " That thing, what's it called?" " What thing?" " Don't say it..." " Artificial insemination!" "I believe it's legal in Italy." "Abracadabra, she's making diagnoses and suggesting treatments!" "One step at a time..." "Don't be cajoled by false modern myths of test-tube babies." "What we'll do is a nice Progesten 500 treatment." "We'll take one each night before bed, starting on the first day of ovulation." " Me?" " Who else, ma'am?" "As for you, Caselli..." "Caselli..." ""My Casella,"" "I make this journey, in order to return here again" ""where I am."" ""But how have so many hours been stolen from you?"" " What is that?" " Purgatory, second canto." "My grandpa says we're descendants of the Casellis of Val d'Orcia." "See!" "I knew it!" "Caselli, we'll have you take Arginina daily." "We'll do this for a few months." "Great!" "All right, I shall see you in a week." " Thanks, doctor." " With the PCT." "Let's keep to the schedule." "So we can watch these slow, hideous spermatozoids at work!" " Goodbye, doctor." " Ma'am." " What an asshole, I hate him." " Let's go." "Ma'am this, ma'am that... 150 euros to have someone tell me I'm old." "Bullshit!" "Fuck you and Alexander the Great." "I need to use room 319." "Are you not feeling well?" "I won't take long." "Plus, at this time of day..." " Antonia and I need to do a PCT." " What?" " It's a medical, scientific thing." " I smell trouble." "Don't get me into trouble!" "Just send Olga to tidy up the room after." "Thanks." "You're welcome." "Check that out, Guido picked up a chick!" "No, it's his girlfriend." "They're doing a PCT." "What is that, some Communist union thing?" "It tests the interaction between sperm and mucus of the cervix." " They're fucking." " What about me and you?" " Get to work, idiot." " Maybe you'll enjoy it..." "Hurry." "How cool!" "Cable!" " Any porn?" " Yes, but it's not free." "Don't touch anything." " Minibar!" " No, don't touch!" "What a drag!" "Can't I have a few chips?" " Hey!" " Lie down!" "Don't I get anything?" "Rum and coke, some Moét  Chandon..." "Moét  Chandon!" "Come on, we don't have much time." "I'll take off your panties." "All right." "Kiss me." "Touch me... give me some help!" "Thanks, Rossella." "Bye, Marco." "Impressive, 12 minutes, elevator ride included." " Thanks." " We have to take the scooter?" "I'll drive, you ride side saddle." " You can't drive, we'll die." " Relax." "Hurry, Dr. Savarese is waiting." "How should I sit?" "Side saddle!" "Sit Amazon style." " Come on." " Amazon?" "A tribe of warlike women in Greek mythology, you would've liked them." ""Larded death roast"!" "Proggestik." "I have to pee." "Why "death"?" "Because as the great Pellegrino Artusi explains:" ""Since it is cooked in a pot, it acquires a dark color reminiscent of mourning"." " Franco called me." " Who?" "The guy from Live Music." "Now he runs some sort of club." "His cover band bailed out, he asked me to sing instead." " You accepted, right?" " I told him I'd think it over." "You're nuts!" "When is it'?" "Wednesday, but the venue sounds odd." "It'll be amazing, I'll come." "I'll take a day off, we never go on vacation anyway." "Call him back now, don't be silly." "The roast!" "Now it needs to brown in the oven." "What was it?" "I found it last night." "Trinacria Style, Contestaccio." "Here it is, look." "Is that Jimmy?" " He's handsome." " He's a total nutcase." " Is that London?" " No Rome, near Jimmy's house." " You were good." " We were wild." "We'd blow off shows because we'd forget or because we didn't feel like it." "We were always drunk." "How ridiculous!" "But damn, we sure had some laughs." " Look, Global Riot!" " The dog?" "A mutt we picked up off the street." " His name was Global Riot?" " Jimmy named him." "Jimmy's amusing." "I guess, but he would hit me when he was drunk." " Hit you, how so?" " He beat the shit out of me." "But I can't blame him, I was a real slut." "If a guy was nice to me, I'd spread my legs." "He'd get pissed off!" "Once in London, he dislocated my shoulder." "So painful!" "I went to the ER," "I told the police I fell down the stairs." "Don't excruciate yourself!" "Come here." "Why don't you ever tell me about the girls you had before me?" "Because before I met you, I spent my time jerking off." "Oh please, give me a break!" "I jerked off dreaming of when I'd meet a girl like you." "Again?" "What did that asshole doctor say?" "We need to keep at it." "But if you're too tired, just say so." "Get this out of here... or we'll break it." "Excuse me, the lady's singing." "Excuse me, pardon me." "Do you consider this appropriate behavior?" " The lady is singing." " Who the hell are you?" "Who I am is completely irrelevant." "If you don't like the songs, you're not obliged to listen to them." "You can speak amongst yourselves, but watch your tone and keep your voices down." "Listen up, douchebag, get lost!" " Cooperate..." " Keep your hands off of me!" "Cooperate!" "Cool it, stop it!" "Get out!" "Get the hell out!" "Is this dickhead your friend?" "For fuck's sake!" "You're a real jackass, I can't believe it." "I know, I was wrong." "I didn't mean to hurt him." "He could've ended up in the ER!" "Right, only Jimmy's allowed to send people to the ER." "Fuck you!" "Right..." " For fuck's sake." " I don't know why I did it." "Sorry I embarrassed you." "630 euros for this shitty result." "What a drag!" "Does the light bother you?" "Patrizia's pregnant again." "Our neighbor?" "She might not keep it, she's afraid to tell Marcello." "Why?" "He doesn't want another kid." "He didn't even want Giada and Miscél." "We'll take all three of them." "I want our own kid." " Don't you?" " Yes, I would like that." "That's not the same, you're a stickler for words, you should know better." "You want, I would like." "But let's look at it this way:" "I want everything that you want, so I want it too." "Are you crying?" "Why?" "I feel like I'm expiring." "Like yogurt?" "Why are you with me?" " You should leave me." " Don't be silly!" "I don't even know why I want a kid so much." "Maybe I want to prove to my awful family I can do something right." "Come here." "Come here." "At this rate, you'll make me cry." "All right then, we'll both cry." "Nishprapanchaya shantaya." "Breath of the Land, mystery of fertility." " This is perfect for us." " Keep walking!" "There's an aromatherapy course to cure insomnia, I'm signing up." "Quit being a jackass and move it!" " Look, it's 1.2 kilometers." " Move it." "1.2 kilometers." "Let's go do Nishprapanchaya shantaya." "Let's go." "Do you feel cold from the snow?" "Beneath the snow, grass grows... from the Earth's warmth." "Thus you must feel the warmth from your inner energy." "Close your eyes." "Whirl!" "Whirl like a snowflake falling to the ground." "Whirl!" "My friend Rosalba, from Milan, sent us here, she did a workshop last summer." " She and her partner loved it." " Bon appétit." "They even practiced sensitive listening through asana, apparently it works miracles." "Did things then work out for your friends?" " Did they end up pregnant?" " No." "But Rosalba no longer suffers from food intolerance." "She couldn't eat asparagus or strawberries before." " And in terms of inner energy..." " Nice..." " Do you take Meropur?" " Of course, and Puregon too." "My levels are up pretty high now." "I was at 1.23 a month ago, now it's gone up..." "See you Saturday?" "Great... 40 more numbers and we're up." "Excuse me, is this your first time?" "We're veteran lVF-ETers, it's our 3rd time." "We're planning a gathering for next Saturday, we'll hang out, talk, swap information and stories..." "If you're interested, my husband created a Facebook page." ""Iwantababy", no spaces in between." "If you visit our page, "like" us." "We have over 1,200 friends." " Fingers crossed!" " Break an ovary!" " Good morning..." " Not interested, thanks." "And lastly, let me sum things up for you:" "Artificial reproduction is an obstacle course." "If Antonia reacts well to the hormones and the oocytes are inseminated, we have a 30-35% success rate." "Not now, I'm with patients, I'll call you back." "Questions?" " You seem a bit perplexed." " In fact, I don't understand." "Especially that pick-up and transit stuff." "Pick-up is the retrieval of follicles to see if there are oocytes." "And transfer, not transit, my love, is when they place them in you upon insemination by spermatozoids." " That's when they're embryos." " It's all here in this pamphlet." " No, that freaks me out!" " It seems worse than it is." "Even if I don't understand I trust you because I like you." "Thanks, likewise." "If you agree, we'll start the treatment with your next cycle." "Puregon injection, morning and evening." "Good evening." "Could we kindly have a double room?" "Do you have a reservation?" "No." "If you don't have a room we'll go elsewhere." "No need to." "I just need your IDs and we're all set." "Thanks." " You're Guido?" " I am." "Chamomile for Mrs. Rosetta and a coffee for Mr. Domenico." "No need to go to all this trouble." "I called Antonia but her phone's off, she'll hear my message tomorrow." "I doubt she'd want to see us anyway." "She doesn't take our calls anymore." "She never gave us her address." "Her mother's been worried sick." "Tell him." "We thought she was pregnant and was having problems." "Not pregnant, no problems." "Antonia is perfectly fine, she works, writes her songs." " She's told me lots about you." " Really?" "I can't understand why she won't see any of us." "Her cousin Stefania, they were so close, her sister Carmela." "Her brothers, Valentino and Salvo." "All her nieces and nephews." "She's never seen them." "This... this is Susanna, Flavio, Vincenzo, and Maria Claudia." "And that's our supermarket, Antonia's brothers work there." "What a lovely family." "Is this her?" "She was always sulking." "Is she cheerful and nice with you?" " Of course." " With us, she never even smiles." " What did we do to her'?" " We must've done something wrong." " Yes, we loved her too much." " Come on..." " Go ahead." " How lovely!" "If you need anything, you can reach me by dialing nine." "I'll wake you up tomorrow at 7:00 AM." " Are you sure this is a good idea?" " Yes, it'll be great." " Good night." " Good night, Guido." "Good night." "Friday, January 28th, St. Miliano of Trevi." "Martyr under Diocletian who killed him while tied to an olive tree." "Real cheerful." "You didn't hear my messages?" "Why?" "Is it time for another injection?" " Who's here?" " Stay calm." "They come in peace and with the best intentions." "Who?" "Jesus Christ!" "Mommy's darling!" "Come here, Domenico." "My sweetheart!" "My darling!" " You like your car dealership job?" " Car rental." "Yes." "Do you get benefits, in case you need maternity leave?" " Mom, knock it off with the plates." " I finished." " We have a dishwasher." " Sorry." "Almond cookie?" "They're delicious." "What's the deal with this house?" "Do you have a mortgage?" "No, we're illegally squatting." "We're squatters." "She's kidding, we rent, we have a rental contract..." "But why?" "You should buy a place, we'll help you!" "When her sister had her first kid we bought her a new house." " Classy..." " Classy, with two bathrooms." "Enough mom, for fuck's sake!" "Quit cleaning and sit down!" " Sorry..." " Sit down." "Don't treat your mom like that!" "She keeps cleaning up to remind me that I'm messy." "I wanted to help." "No need to remind me, I know my home isn't spotless like yours." "We work, I can't go crazy cleaning!" "Leave her alone, she didn't say anything." "Please, don't!" " And are you done interrogating me?" "I'm innocent, Your Honor." "You always lash out at us, at me and her, we specifically came to Rome to help you, worried about your children's future." "What children?" "You came here to bust my damn balls!" "Is that how you talk?" "I woke up this morning and found two pains in the ass here." "Now I have to traverse the city to go to work, and I'm late!" "I even have a headache, hope you're not here when I return." "And you, Guido, well done!" "Great fucking idea, thanks!" "Fuck you!" " You upset her." " Me?" "What about you?" "Why couldn't you sit still instead of cleaning everything?" "Now what?" "I can take you around to see the Colosseum, St. Peter's..." "Let's go see the Pope for a blessing." "I'm sorry, she's a bit worn out lately." "But I'm certain she loves you, things will get better soon." "Thanks, you're a real darling." "Bye." "Have a good trip, call me anytime." "Thanks." "Here we are..." ""Mom, what's a deficit?"" "5 years old, can you believe it?" "Got it!" "Needle please." "Aspirate..." "Here it is, it's beautiful!" "Fabrizio, Efisio, and Guido, the pick-up went well, your women were brave, now it's your turn." "Hurry up and go do your duty now." "We have one room on the 3rd ﬂoor, no bickering." "Guido, we found seven oocytes." "We'll pick the nicest ones, we're in your hands now, get to it!" "I'm off." "Please be patient, your pick-ups will be next." "Be strong, have faith, it'll all go well." " Excuse me!" " No running in the hospital!" " Last room on the right." " Thanks." "You can't do this!" "First here, seminal liquid sample." "Second!" "I'll use the bathroom." "Come on, damn you!" "Do me a favor this time, come on!" " Are you done?" " Coming..." " Nurse, this man is..." " Coming, coming." " Be patient, sir." " I'm done." "Go on." "Not in the bathroom, it's a matter of principles." "Are you all right?" "I'm swell, what did you give me?" " Some good stuff." " Damn good." "Your man is having a hard time, he's still at it." " Go, faster!" " You'll get me fired." " Where is he?" " Here." " I paid for this service too." " Hold on..." "You okay?" " Baby, it's me." "Excuse me..." " Are you nuts?" " No fair!" " This isn't The Amazing Race." "Sweet Mary!" "Hurry, quick!" "I'm sorry, really." "Quick!" "Sorry, I used to be first-rate." " I apologize." " I got here first." "Go to sleep, will you?" "Go to sleep." "What's that, doctor?" "All three inseminated?" "Holy shit!" "The implant, yes." "The transfer, right?" "Of course." "Perfect." "Of course, I'll rest, I'll stay home." "Thanks doctor, I love you!" "Sir, do you have a second?" "Call you right back." ""Sir", really?" "Have you come to ask for a raise?" "I wanted to tell you that I'll need some time off as of Monday." "May I ask for what reason?" " Personal reasons." " Personal reasons?" "Have a seat, please." "So as of Monday?" " What did he say?" " He went along." "I'll be off till next month." "Fantastic!" "A toast!" "After the transfer, no more beers." "You don't need to tell me." " Imagine if all three are born!" " Oh please." "Triplets are common with artificial insemination." "We'd have to pick three names." "We're not naming them after family." " Elpidius, Agatho, Geminus." " Olivia, Pelagia, Cunegunda." "All names of early Christian saints and martyrs." "Are you nuts?" "Just kidding." "But we'd have to buy an automobile." "A station wagon, used, of course..." " You can't drive." " I'll learn." "We need it to cart around three strollers, and your instruments when you play gigs." "I won't sing once I'm a mom." "I picture you feeding the babies in your dressing room before the gig." "Two for you, one for me with a bottle..." " Enough with this bullshit!" " Why bullshit?" "Triplets, a station wagon, gigs..." "Shit like this means you're not serious." " I'm utterly serious." " This isn't a game." "Knock it off!" " Sorry." " No, I'm sorry." "I'm the foolish, reckless one, you need to be the stable one, or we're in for trouble." "All right." "I might not be a good mom." " Sure you will." " You're more maternal than I am." "Then you'll be the father, same thing." "Eat up, it'll get cold." " Shit!" " What?" "It's spicy but..." " Tony!" "Divine apparition!" " Hey, Jimmy." " Eating some Indian food?" " Yes, apparently." " Tell me what's new!" " What can I say?" " He's Guido." " Nice to meet you." "Sorry, Gigio, this is a historic encounter." " How long since we last met?" " Dunno." "Must be six, seven years." "A buttload of time!" " May I?" "Take a seat." " Thanks." "Chicken tikka masala." "The tandoori chicken here is tops." "So, Tony?" "So, Jimmy?" "I heard you were spotted at the station wearing a uniform..." " Hostess?" " No, car rental clerk." "Car rental?" "What's gotten into you?" "Saving up for retirement?" "Regularjob, saving up, next thing you know you'll have a family." "All that's missing is you popping out a kid." "Gianni, you have no idea who we're dealing with." " I do..." " Tony rocks!" "Like Cat Power, PJ Harvey." " Right, I couldn't agree more." " I like you, Gino." "We should play together again." "Trinacria Style." "Right, maybe... one day..." "Jimmy!" "Hurry the fuck up!" " Sorry, my girls are calling me." " Right." "Damn, it was a real pleasure." "Bye, Princess Tony." " Bye, Gino." " Goodbye, nice to meet you." " Who's she?" " She wanted to record with me." " What a character." " I lost my appetite." " Come on, Princess Tony." " I'll kill you." "I swear!" "I can't take it." " Just pee, do it." " I said no." "Now shut up!" " So, how are we doing?" " She won't pee." "Typical." "You can take piss, you know." "No, I don't want to lose an embryo." "Knock it off, plus we need this room now." "No, five more minutes, let them settle in first." "Tell me what I need to do," "I like when you give me instructions." "Bed rest, no smoking, no exertion, and above all, no sex." "What a drag!" "Do what you want." "Just don't lift weights." "The more at ease you are, the better." "Now get out of here!" "Can you keep it down?" " Thanks, sorry." " You're welcome." "Bundle up, it's windy." " Careful, there's a pothole." " I see it." "Kids, where are you?" "Sweet Mary, you're so lovely!" "Pity I can't come down there and touch you." "It's still too soon." "Make sure to be on your best behavior because poor mommy is tired and worried." "Tomorrow she'll have her beta HCG levels tested to find out if she can finally meet you." "She really wants you." "So do I, in my own way, even if I don't know you." "I have to say bye for now..." "If you need anything, you can reach me by dialing nine." "Kisses from daddy." "Hold on, let me say goodbye to these three treasures." " We didn't take the opportunity..." " To enjoy your fresh delicacies." " Are you nuts?" " Why?" " It's heavy, sit down." " I'm bored to death." " Weren't you writing a song?" " It sucks." " Can I take the test?" " Go ahead... where is it?" "Forget it, what if it's wrong?" "I'll get real tests on Monday." "I'll make you something to eat, some rice..." "I'll kill you, do you hear me?" "Patrizia told me they were having problems." " What's that?" " He's hitting her, do something." "Marcello, Patrizia, please, behave yourself..." "You need to shout!" "Marcello, Patrizia, please, behave!" "What do you want?" "Behave yourself, don't shout like that." "Are you for real?" "Don't you dare hit her!" "Mind your own fucking business, will you?" " Get inside." " Piss off!" "These two nosey assholes..." " Dickhead!" " Don't rile him up." "I know he'll calm down, just stay out of it." " I'll kill them!" " Miscél, get inside." " Those two assholes!" " Everything is okay." "Fucking nosey people!" " Dickhead, asshole!" " Calm down." " I couldn't wait." " When do we see the result?" "I forced them to hand it over, but I haven't opened it yet." "No!" "Wait!" "Let's go take a walk." "Go ahead." "We should fix up the backyard." "You're right." "We always say we will, but we never do." "And take a nice trip." "Maybe to Sicily, but we won't visit my parents." "The beach's beautiful there but they built railway tracks all along the coast." "Fucking assholes, they always ruin the best things." "Or we can go to the mountains, I've never been." "I'll take you to Mount Cimone, I'll show you Lake Ninfa, it's surrounded by a beech forest, it's incredibly beautiful." "Great, I can smoke 100 cigarettes today!" "She's not answering her phone, where is she?" " Have you heard from Antonia?" " No, why?" "I left her with Miscél while I got an ultrasound, but they're not home." " Come in." " No, Giada needs to sleep now." "They're probably out for a walk." "I've been calling her for hours, her damn phone is off!" "And that asshole Marcello left me yesterday!" "I bet something bad happened." " Relax, I'll try to call her." " Sweetie, please stop crying." " I'll give her a call." " Walk me home, will you?" "Sorry we're back so late but we were having a blast." "We went to the beach, had a pizza and some ice cream..." "You are insane!" "You're insane!" "Wait, I bought her a gift bag." "I'm speechless!" "Honey, we called you all day." "Wait!" " Sorry I'm late." " An hour and a half!" " Sorry, I had a hold-up." " Register the guests yourself." "Of course, I'm so sorry." "Feeling better?" "I didn't sleep at home." "Aren't you going to ask what I did, where I was?" "Where were you?" "I slept with another man." " Aren't you going to ask who?" " No." " See?" "You're a coward." " Why are you saying that?" "Who do you think you are, Mr. High and Mighty?" "I was with Franco." " Franco?" " The guy from the club." "By the way, I can't even stand him." "Sorry for you." "Go on, hit me!" "What kind of man are you?" "Hit me, I cheated on you!" " Please..." " I cheated on you." " Fuck you!" " Antonia..." "Fuck you, I'm a sterile, elderly slut who's with a jackass with wimpy spermatozoids." " You sicken me, my life sickens me." " No!" "Yes, it sickens me!" "Oh my God." "Let me go." "It's my fault things ended." "Excuse me, pardon me, I'm looking for Antonia." " There's no Antonia here." " She's been here for three years." " Please..." " She's been here for three years." "Are you Guido?" " Please respect the line, sir." " Come here." "Typical of Rome..." " Antonia didn't tell you?" " Tell me what?" "She hasn't worked here for three months." " What?" " She fought with the boss." "When she requested time off, he asked her some questions and instead of answering, she blew up at him and spit at him." "She spit at him?" "And he fired her?" "No, he gave her a raise..." "She really didn't tell you?" "How odd, I thought she was open with you." "Is there another Guido'?" "I'm talking about Guido the night porter, who reads a lot..." " That would be me." " Antonia's told me lots about you." " She said you're amazing." " Really?" "She said you gave up your career to be with her, you were offered a job at an American university..." "I didn't give up..." "In fact, she said you never made an issue of it." " She loves you like crazy!" " Really?" "She said you're an angel who saved her life." "She'd be ruined without you." "And you make love every day, lucky you!" "She speaks so highly of you." "I keep hoping one day I'll find a man like Guido too, silly huh?" "Are you crying?" "I told you some wonderful things." "So sweet!" " Bye, sorry, thanks." " Where are you going?" "Excuse me..." " Excuse me?" " What?" "Can we talk?" "It's an emergency." " Emergency?" " I'm looking for Antonia." " Who's Antonia?" " The singer." "You know her, come on." "Gimme a break, I'm busy, all right?" "Listen, Antonia told me... she was with you last night." "Let's get things straight, she asked if she could stay over and she left this morning without thanking me." "So you can leave now." " Where is she?" " Hands off!" "Who knows where that nutcase is." " I just asked a question..." " Guys!" "I'm leaving, I'll leave on my own." "I'll calm down, I'm calm." "Excuse me, why are you being so rude?" "Guys, careful he's dangerous." "I'm asking for help, just tell me where Antonia is." "He's dangerous!" "Out!" "I remember this jerk, he hit a kid last time." "Easy!" "Stay the fuck away from here." "You guys are crazy, this is no way to treat a person." "You're acting like bruisers in a film, a TV series." " Get lost." " I'm going." "But let me say, you should be ashamed of yourselves, this is no way to treat..." " You asked for it, now get lost." " Yeah, go!" "Enough with this violence, hear me?" " Crazy..." " Shame on you." "Go back to your neighborhood." "Enough with this violence." "Hey, do you need a tissue?" "Open the door, please." "Open!" "Did you see a girl with a guitar?" "She was sitting here." "A girl... she got off the bus." "Did you see her?" " Are you okay, Guido?" " Yes." "What happened, what's all that blood?" " Nothing." " Did you fall down?" "I can't believe what those jerks did to you!" "Does your tooth hurt, is it loose?" "My head is spinning a bit, but I got what I deserved." "What are you saying?" "Go lie down." "Miscel, your eyes are closing." "She falls asleep to cartoons." "Antonia was right to leave me." "I'm slow, I'm boring, I'm a coward, and a jackass." "Don't be silly!" "Marcello is a coward, he dumped me with this belly." "He said he doesn't want a family anymore." "He said we're holding back his potentials." "Some potentials, he's back at his mom's house!" "He quit his chauffeurjob to audition for a reality show, like Big Brother, they go around to clubs picking up chicks." "Ever seen it?" "I'm even hoping he wins so at least he'll send us some money!" "Sorry." "Sorry." "Are you asleep?" "She's knocked out." "I think I'll rest a bit too." "I tired myself out today, thanks to this watermelon here..." "Does this bother you, want me to move?" "You're no bother, thanks for asking." "To be honest with you, I don't understand Antonia." "I mean you're such a sweetheart, I'd kill for a guy like you." "Thanks." "Even if I found a guy like you, he'd never want someone like me..." " Right?" " That's not true." "I guess anything can happen in life, never say never." "Sure..." " Sorry, I went overboard." " No, it's just I'm in pain." "Sorry, we'd better cool it." "Yes, it's probably best." "But do you mind... if we cuddle..." "like this?" "Nice and close'?" "No, I don't mind." "You know, I don't really consider sex to be that important." "It's just at times I feel so... desolate." " Can I say that about a person?" " Sure, it's okay." "I feel desolate, really desolate." "Like a desolate land." "Landa is a name, like Yolanda..." "Must be a Dutch name or something." "I assure you, it's horrible to feel like a desolate land." "Terrible, Guido!" "Really horrible, I'm telling you." "Morning." "Who's there?" "Where the fuck are you going, Global Riot?" "Where are you going?" "Come here." "Did you ring the buzzer?" "Come here, Global Riot." "I'll feed you." "There's no more dog food, what'll I give you?" "Just water..." "May I'_" "Here, drink." " What have you done?" " Nothing." "I've been looking for you everywhere." "Did the buzzer ring or was I dreaming?" "Sorry I woke you up." "What time is it?" "2:25 PM." " Do we know each other?" " Somewhat." "But we haven't formed a friendship." " Okay." "Do you have a cigarette?" " No, I don't smoke." "Here, this is the last one." "Would you kindly go buy some after?" "So nice!" "Where the fuck is my red shirt?" "Don't tell me you put it in the washing machine." "Tell him there's never been a washing machine here." "Some coffee would be perfect now, if we had some." "We could've offered some to our guest." "How are you?" "What a question..." "You don't love me anymore?" " What happened?" " Nothing." "I was looking for my boots from London and I slipped." "Damn, that hurt." "Do you want to be with him?" "Are you happier here?" "That has nothing to do with it..." "I don't want to ruin your life." "You deserve someone better." "I don't want anyone else." "I fucking found them!" "Know where they were?" "In the drum case!" "I was thinking I'd shave a bit..." "And trim my hair too..." "Kind of like Dean Moriarty of the Fucking Fishes." "What do you think?" "Get dressed, we're going home." "All right." "We have an appointment with that promoter... maybe we'll get some summer gigs." "My suitcase." "This is a group from Calabria, cool aren't they?" "It's hybrid reggae mixed with folk music." "Even if I'm not a big fan of folk music..." "Good boy." "All in all, the group's decent." "Hey, are you leaving?" "Yes, Antonia would rather come home." " Oh, okay." " Goodbye." "Fuck!" "Antonia, wait, honey!" "Darling... do you mind paying me back the 20 euros I lent you yesterday?" "You lent me'?" "I'm out of minutes on my phone too..." "Giorgio, by chance could you spare a few euros?" "Sure thing." " I'll pay you back, of course." " No worries." "Here's 50." "You rule, Giulio!" "I like you, you've got a good vibe." " Likewise." " Excellent." "Rock on!" " Let me carry a bag." " No need to, thanks." "Global Riot, what are you doing?" "Go home!" "Go inside!" "Global Riot, go home!" "Look!" "Jesus Christ!" "What the heck are you doing?" " What have you made me do?" " It wasn't easy for me either." "My hands were sweating, my voice cracked, didn't you notice?" "The worst has yet to come." " Are you ready?" " Very ready." "I need you to stay by my side all the time." "All the time." "Give me your hand." "Let's go." "Wow!" "Excuse me'?" "Yes?" "Am I mistaken or is this the 4th time you've come to hear me?" " The 5th, truth be told." " The 5th?" "Hope it's not a bother because I was planning on coming tomorrow too." "As one says, it was a pleasure, see you tomorrow." "Wait!" " Do you really like my songs?" " Undoubtedly, very much." " Aren't they depressing?" " They're beautiful." " Thanks." " Thank you." "You are..." "no, no point in telling you." "Tell me, what am I?" "Well, you are unequivocally talented." "Plus, your lyrics are somewhat reminiscent of Deborah Ager, of Catherine Anderson." "Who?" "Actually, they're just words that come to mind..." "Impressive, they're extraordinarily intense words." "Really?" "Maybe they just sound better in English, my Italian sucks." "When you sing you exude a beauty that... how can I put it?" "That disorients me." "And even when you don't sing." "But I'm sure you're aware of this, no need for me to expatiate." "Tonight we're together." "' Twisht!" " We're together tonight." " Tonight we're together, tonight." "Is that an observation of the fact that it's night and we're here, or would this be a resolution for the upcoming hour?" "I myself certainly have no objections, at any rate..." " Does that mean you're interested?" " Dagnabit!" "I'd say this exceeds my rosiest expectations." " Is that a yes?" " Yes." "Unequivocally, by all means, let's go." " Go where?" " To your place, no?" "I'm actually staying with this guy..." "Okay, follow me." "Staying with a QUY?" "A drummer, but we're semi-broken up." " Semi-broken up?" " He'd be happy if I left." "Really?" "Okay..." "Not to be insensitive to his plight, but I'm glad to hear that." "The way you talk cracks me up, sounds like you're from an old book." "I'll consider that a compliment." "You haven't told me your name." "I'm Antonia, and you?" "Me?" "Guido." "Guido is nice, reminds me of a guide dog..." "Or it could remind you of Guido Pomposiano, who can be considered the patron saint of musicians..." "EVERY BLESSED DAY"