"[Car Engine Starts ]" "[Engine Rewing]" "Am I late?" "[Man ] Right on time." "How's the club?" "Fine." "[ Woman ] Will there be anything else?" " You want anything else?" " No." "Okay." "Don't get too fat." "Goddamn it." "The stupid son of a bitch." "Hasn't learned yet." "[ Sighs ]" "Cosmo." "You leave the cake at the table?" " I just wanted to thankyou." " Forwhat?" " It's been seven years." "That's a long time." " Ah." "For me and you." "Yeah." " Can I buyyou a drink?" " No." "No, thanks." "I'm gonna have the coffee and the cake." "[ Man Sighs ]" "[Man Chattering]" "Is it all right?" "You know it's all right." "It's all there." "You want to count it again?" "Nah." "Cosmo, you're a prince." "Nowyou can go out and work foryourself." "Marty, you're a lowlife." "No offense, butyou have no style." "I do business with ya, butyou have no style." "Cosmo... anytimeyou needsome help... come to me." "I don't everwant to see you again." "Don't push it." "Asshole." " [Engine Starts ]" " I think there's a bar on the next corner." "Uh... on the right." "[ Chattering]" "[Woman Laughing]" "Uh, miss, may I have a scotch and water?" " [Woman ] Tall?" " Tall, please." "## [Ballad OnJukebox ]" "# I've been pointed out bypeople #" "# Myname is mud#" "# I've been dreaming all the dreams #" "# And dancing in the evening#" " # Singin' in the shower # - [ Woman ] Willyou get out ofhere." "# But nothing seems #" " # To take your place # - [ Mouthi ng Words ]" "# I'm almost in love with you #" "# I nearly miss you #" "# I've hardly seen you #" "# When I do, I get #" "# A feeling that #" "# Something should be #" "# There ##" " [ Siren Wailing ] - [ Horn Blowing ]" "[ Man Cheering, Clapping ]" " Do you m i nd if I sit down?" " Hey, I paid for the cab." " Yeah." " I got out." "What do you want from me?" "Come." "Let's go." "Come on." "What's your name?" "You called me Eddiejust a halfhourago." "You forgot myname." " Eddie." " Oy." "You had enough." "I'm tellingyou." " I had enough ofyou, Eddie." " You forgot my name." "I t's been a long day, Eddie." "Yeah, I know the problems you had..." " but I also knowyou got a family and kids..." " How do you know?" "so let's blow this snake pit." "Come on." " Come on, lover." " What are you doi n'?" "Let's play tic-tac-toe." "[ Laughing]" "Oh, boy." "You know whatyou are?" "You're a meshuggenah." " You a Jew?" " Yeah." "A little bit." "From where?" "Where were you born?" " New York." " No kidding." "So are you." "Good people come from New York." "What part ofNew York?" " Every borough." "Well, I missed one." " You were born in every borough?" " No." "Born " " I never heard of such a thing." " Born in the greatest street in the world" " Mott Street." " Mott" " I know Mott Street very well." " I was born uptown." " [Mumbles ]" "I was born on 29th Street..." " between 1 st and 2nd Avenue." " The rich people." " Nah, nah, that was poor." " The rich people." " Near Bellevue Hospital." " Anything past Broome Street." " Know where Bellevue Hospital is?" " Oh, yeah." " The morgue?" " Yeah, but at leastyou had the river." " The beautiful river." " Ah." " Allyou rich people live by the river." " We used to swim in that river when we were kids." " You're right." " We swam that way." " The scum." " You remember?" " That's right." " The bags." "The scumbags." "[Laughs ]" " I used to go to the Hudson River." " Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "But now we're going home." " Where?" " Your house." "There's no river there, Eddie." "[ Tires Screech ]" "Hey, padrone." "You want me to pay the driver?" "Wait." "Yo!" "Eddie!" "Thankyou." "Right." "Nice man." "## [Slow Electric Guitar On Speakers ]" "Good evening, boss." " [Man ] Sonny." " [ Cosmo ] This place has two speeds - slow andstop." " Slow tonight, Cosmo." " [ Man ] It's all right." "I'll go out and bring them in and fill thejoint." " [ Cosmo ] Where the hell is everybody?" " [ Man ] Sonny, give me a drink." "[ Cosmo ] Give me a cigarette." " Give me a dri nk." " What do you want, boss?" " Scotch." " Rocks?" " Yeah." " [ Woman Moans On Speakers ]" "Where are the girls?" "I guess they're in the back." "Oh." "Good." "## [ Continues ]" "[ Woman On Speakers ] Mmm." "## [ Woman Vocalizing]" "## [ Vocalizing Continues ]" "[ Cosmo ] Out." "The girls' dressing room." "Out." "Customers downstairs." "Hello, sweetheart." " [Man ] Get downstairs." " Not you, sweetheart." "Tony." "Out." "[Woman ] What?" "There's nobody- There's" " There's nobody down there." "Okay, girls." "Come on." "Go ahead." " [ Cosmo ] Hey, sweetheart." "How are ya?" " [Man ] I'll live." "Maybe." " Hello, doll." " Hi, Cosmo." "How's it goin'?" "[ Sighs ] Hi." " Hey, Sherry." " Don't mess my makeup." "Still mad at me." " Just doing a little makeupjob." " Carol." "Nice to see ya." "You're back, huh?" "Mm-hmm." " Well, you don't have to worry." "The place is dead." " Oh, not again." " Again." " [Woman ] It'llpick up later on." "[ Cosmo ] It'll pick up." "Hey, everything's slow." "You know, I talked to, uh, Verna." " She said Irving's dying." " [Woman ] Who's Verna?" "[Man ] Irving has been dead foryears." " [Woman ] Oh, that's not nice." " [ Cosmo ] I rving Lowe?" "[ Man ] Rachel, could I have one of, uh, your eyebrow pencils?" " Sure." " [ Cosmo ] It's the times." " [ Chattering ] - [ Man ] What's the times?" " [ Cosmo ] Everybody's dying." " [Man ] Well, some people are living." "I wouldn't say everybody's dying." " [ Cosmo ] Teddy." " Yeah?" "Uh, I put on the news this morning." "I couldn't sleep." " Yeah?" " These two girls in Memphis, Tennessee." " Memphis." "Yeah." " This is gonna killya." " Well, kill me." " Early this morning, I couldn't sleep " "I don't care ifit was earlythis morning orlate this morning." " Oh, these boots." " Well, this gopher, uh " " This gopher." " [Teddy] There are a couple ofkinds ofgophers." "Gopher." "From a hole!" "From a hole." "Oh, I thoughtyou meant one that went for coffee like you used to." " Yeah, right." "No, this is a gopher - - [ Chattering]" "[ Woman ] That's terrific." "Now this is broken." " Well, gotta tell ya - - [ Teddy] Where did this happen, this thing with the gophers?" " Or the gopher." " [ Woman ] Honey, no." "No chance." " I don't know." "You know." " [ Teddy] What are you looking for, Rachel?" "[ Woman ] I'm not the only one in this dressing room." " Rach." " [ Teddy] Rachel." "What are you looking for?" "Rach." "I want you to hear this story - al I ofya." " [ Women Together] We're listening." " [ Teddy] Listening." " These two girls caught a gopher..." " [ Sherry ] Shit." "I broke a nail." "and they took the gopher home, and they cut the tail off." " Then they cooked the tail, and they ate it..." " [Teddy] For Christ's sake." "and they died ofbotulism." "[Teddy] Botulism?" "What doyou know from botulism?" " [ Woman ] These mine?" " [ Woman #2 ] Yes." "The other ones are mine." " [ Woman #3 ] You're not listening." " [ Teddy] When didyou hear about botulism?" "I never laughed so hard i n my I ife." "I thought I 'd die." " [ Sherry ] I don't think it's funny." " [ Woman ] It isn't true." "He does this all the time." "I swear to God." "On my mother's grave." " [Rachel] Cosmo." " They ate" " They ate" " They ate the tail... and they died of botulism." " They died - - [ Sherry ] That's sick." " Well - - [Woman ] Making me sick, you know." "[Teddy] So, what else is new?" "[ Woman ] What else is new?" "[ Sherry ] What else is new?" "What's new is I can't get this on right." " The market went down." " [ Woman ] What canyou do?" "[ Teddy] For a change?" "[ Teddy] Oh, I'd love to get this mustache off." "And, uh, women's fashions are changing." "The skirts are gettin' longer." " [ Woman ] Oh, yeah?" " [ Woman #2 ] What doyou know about women's fashions?" " [ Chattering ] - [Teddy] I look like Salvador Dali.." " [ Cosmo ] All right." "See you in a while." " Okay." " [ Rachel ] Okay." " See you later, Cosmo." "[ Vehicles Passing]" " It's all right, Vince." "It'll pick up." " [ Mouthing Words ]" " Have a big night." " Okay." " [Man ] Hey, yourmother's ass!" " [ Woman Giggles ]" "[ Cosmo ] Any action?" " [ Cosmo ] Areyou looking for us, huh?" " [Man ] Yeah." "Come on in." "There you go." " All right." " There you go." " Come on, ladies." " [ Woman ] Thankyou." "Thereyou go." "Vince, see that they get seated too, huh?" "Take 'em inside." "Listen, you drive around the corner, you park in this parking lot, huh?" "All right?" "Okay." "Okay." " Where's the kid?" " [Vince Speaks, Indistinct]" "Well, where's the kid who parks the cars, Vince?" " I don't know." " Go find him." " Hey." " Welcome to the Crazy Horse West." " Thankyou." " I'm Cosmo Vittelli." "I'm the owner ofthis place." " You own this place?" " Yeah." "This is the greatest joint in town." "I mean, I've been here a million times." " No kidding." " Areyou kid" " I brought three carloads ofpeople." "Well, thanks." "I'm sorryyou brought 'em here on a Sunday night." "We're a little slow." " We don't mind that." " At least we're open." "The rest ofthe places on the Strip are closed." "Wait a minute." "Is Mr. Sophistication here?" " He sure is." " And Rachel and the rest ofthe girls?" " Yeah." "They're here." " This guy does the whole thing." "So help me God, he choreographs it, he stages it, he does " "Ah, don't exaggerate." "I do the best I can." " You got the best joint this side ofVegas." " Thankyou." "I mean, I understand what it is on a Sunday night." "I'm a club owner myself." " You are?" " Oh, yeah." "We got a joint in Santa Monica." "It's not like this." "I mean, it's a little different." "Gambling, you know." " Yeah." " But it's clean air, seaside." "Well, uh, I'd like a little action." "Hey, the sky's the limit anytimeyou want to come out." "Right this way." "Uh, Rita, table number one." "[Cheering On Speakers ]" " That sounds likeyou." " That's the record." "Uh, I recorded that." "I introduce all the acts." " Go ahead, ladies." " [ Cosmo On Speakers, Indistinct]" "Give them what theywant, will ya, huh?" "[ Cosmo On Speakers ] Crazy Horse West is proud to present..." " Mr. Sophistication and his De-Lovelies!" " [ Chattering]" "[ Cheering On Speakers ]" " [ Recording Ends ] - [ Cosmo ] Got enough chai rs?" " Yeah." "Sit." "Sit." "Let's talk." " Uh, what'll it be, Mort?" " Champagne, huh?" " For everybody?" " Everybody." " Uh, two - two bottles of Dom Perignon." "[ Mort ] Look at that." "Remember that, huh?" " And bring me a pack ofcigarettes." " ## [ Trumpet Flourish ]" "[ Cheering On Speakers ]" "[ Cosmo On Speakers ] Crazy Horse West is proud to present..." "Mr. Sophistication..." "[ Cheering ] and his De-Lovelies!" "Let's give 'em a big hand." "Let's give 'em a big welcome." "[ Cheering On Speakers ]" "[ Man Whistling ]" "[ Woman ] This isn't doing me any good here." "I'm all alone." "[ Rhythmic Footsteps Thumping Onstage ]" "[ Teddy Sighs ]" "[ Laughter]" " [ Mort ] More." "Come on." "More." " [Applause ]" "[ Women ] # Take it off, take it off, take it off, off, off#" "# Take it off, take it off, take it off, off, off Take it off, take it off##" "[ Cosmo ] You gotta tell me more about this club ofyours." "Oh, sure." "That's - We got a real ly wonderful place too." "I mean, it's, uh" " It's a place where you can go and play poker... you know, and, uh, nobody bothers ya." "We're just there to see that nobody cheats." " I'll have no trouble gettin' in?" " [Mort] No." "I'm sureyou'll like it." "Excellent cuisine, good wine." "And I'll write on here "Special." "Mort."" "And everything's on us." "Huh?" "I mean, it's - it's nice." "You'd like it." " Everything's for free." " Yeah." "Everything." " Except the gambling." " Right." "As we say" " Hey, come on, come on." "Pay attention to me." "You know, it won't work up here for" "Well, hard work " "Oh, screw it." "I was saying that, uh   [ Clapping]" " Well, here she is." "[ Cheering, Clapping]" "[ Teddy] It's truly exquisite " "Don't shoot me!" "Don't shoot me!" "Don't shoot me!" "[ Gun Popping]" "[ Teddy] No." "Please." "You can't shoot me." " How can you?" "I'm a star." " [ Gun Pops ]" " I gotta straighten out a few things." " [Mort ] Go ahead." "I 'll see you later." "Enjoy." " [Applause ] - [ Gun Popping]" "[ Cosmo On Recording] Hi, ho, Silver, away!" "[ Cheering]" "You were wonderful, Teddy." "Let's hear it for him, ladies and gentlemen" " Mr. Sophistication." " ## [Bass Drum Hit ] - [Audience Is Silent]" "Ladies and gentlemen..." "Mr. Sophistication and his De-Lovelies will be along in a moment." "My name is Cosmo Vittelli." "I'm the owner ofthis joint." "I, uh, choose the numbers..." "I direct them, I arrange them." "You have any, uh, complaints, you just come to me, and I'II throwyou rirht out onyour ass." "Uh, Mr. Sophistication... wants to assureyou that he's intact, ladies and gentlemen." "His gun is firm and intact." "And as a matter offact, he's about to takeyou on a sentimental journey..." " to Vienna..." " ## [Drum Hits ] whereyou will attend one ofthe most glamorous balls... ever given... by any king, queen, count or baron." "Mr. Sophistication, ladies and gentlemen." "##[Trumpet Flourish ]" "Donnar." "Come on." "[Teddy] # Manya heart is breaking#" "Wait foryour cue." "Wait foryour cue." "Just a second." "You tell Rachel and Alice... that we're going out tomorrow night." "We're gonna celebrate." "I paid offthe joint." "Fine." " Go ahead." " Oh." "[ Sighs ] I am amazing." "Ah, you're getting slow, Lamarr." "Beatyou again." "[ Lamarr] Oh, for" "Where's your class?" "[ Cosmo] Style, not class." " Maywe helpyou?" " Yeah." " Hey, my name is Cosmo Vittelli." "I came to pick up Sherry." " She's inside." " She's dressing." " She's getting ready." " Oh, thanks." " Would you like to wait inside?" "Yeah, I'll just go in and see ifshe's ready." " [Woman ]Allright." " [Chattering]" " Sherry." " [Sherry] Don't come in here." "I'm not dressedyet." "Okay." "I won't come in." " I'll wait right here." " Who are you?" "My name's Cosmo." "Well, uh, why don't you wait for Sherry outside?" " Okay." " She'll be ready in just a minute." " Howyou doin'?" " Hi, big fella." " [Woman ] Everything okay?" " Fine, thankyou." "Fine." " [Woman #2 ] You're awfullycute." " Well, you're not so bad yourself." "Yeah." "[ Chuckles ]" "Ah, here she is." "Hi." "You look wonderful." " Thankyou very much." " [Women ] Have a nice time." " Thankyou very much." "Good night." " [All] Goodnight." "Here." "Let me put this on you." "Here we go." "Right here, hmm?" "Uh, Lamarr, you know how to do this?" "Oh, yeah." "I know all about this." " Gonna have a very nice time." " Mmm." "Have some champagne." " Spill." "You're spilling on my shoe." " Oh." "Sorry, sweetheart." " Wait a minute." "Hold it." " Okay." "Mmm." "Got all those tiny little bubbles in there." " Well, drink it." " I don't know." "I'm a freak." "I like vodka on the rocks." " With just a little bit ofa twist." " Yeah?" " Gets on your teeth." "Real nice." " What else doyou like?" " Or a vodka martini straight up." " What else?" "Well, I like a lot ofthings, but" "You're gonna like that." "Drink it." " It's the best." " It's nice." "It's dry." "What is this?" "You haven't even tasted it." "Taste it." "Dom Perignon." " Oh." " Right." "The best." "I'll get used to it." "Mmm." " It's good." " Mmm." "Should be." " [ Cosmo ] Get herin the car." " Thereyou go." " Okay." " How's that look?" "That looks awfully nice." "Yes, thankyou." "[Lamarr] Allset?" "[ Cosmo ] Yeah." "Go ahead, for Christ's sake." "Okay." " [ Engine Starts ] - [ Cosmo ] Lamarr, I thought you were an expert at this." " Well, I at least got the pin in." " [ Donnar] Right." "1347 Serrano." "You know where that is?" "All right." "Let's go." "Here, sweetheart." "Don't spill it." " There you go." " Watch it." " [ Mumbles ]" " Hand me that thing." "I smell cigars." "No, it stinks like perfume in here already." " No." " Give me that." "Come here, you!" " We've got plenty oftime." "We'Il go out bouncing." " [Rachel] Oh, howlovely.." " We'll go out dancin'." " Look, Mom." "A black orchid." "It matches my dress." " Oh, how " " Oh." "Thankyou." "Thankyou, darling." "Oh, I got somethin' foryou too." " Oh." "What is this, flowers?" " What do you think that is?" "It's an orchid." " Areyou ready?" " Oh, that's sweet." " Seeyou soon, Betty." " Thankyou." "Thankyou." "Night-night." "Have a nice evening." "[DoorCloses ]" "[Donnar] Oh, well." "[Sherry] I feel like a shill sitting around here doing nothing." "[Donnar] Yeah, really." "Didyou see that guy at that poker table in the back giving me the eye?" " [ Sherry] I can 't take it anymore." " [ Donnar] Great." "[ Donnar] Well, we can 't stay in here all night." "You know what I mean?" "Al I ri ght, you guys." "Let's go." "Come on." "Come on." "Hey." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "J ust a minute." "Come on." "No one's noticing your face." "They're looking atyour tits, and they're looking atyour ass." "Yeah." "Uh-huh." "That's your line, honey, not mine." "I got more to offer than that." " A lot more." " Yeah, yeah." "Okay." "Let's go." " Sure, I do." " Let's go." "Let's go." "I'm ready for this." "I'm ready." "I'm ready to go." "[Man ] You bet a dollar, I'll raiseyou 99." "[Man #2 ] Yeah." "[Man #3 ] A pair ofjacks, you win." "Hey, uh, where are the chairs?" "The girls go to the john, they take away the chairs?" "[ Man ] Chair." " Come on!" "The girls are standing here." " [Man ] You gotta wait a minute, Vittelli." "Commodore, chairs." "[ Cosmo ] Yo. [ Claps ]" "[ Cosmo ] I'm sorry, boys." "Uh " " [ Cosmo ] I'll start it." " [ Man ] He's gotjacks." "[ Cosmo ] Ten dollars." " [ Man ] Ten dollars." "Up to you." "Ten dollars." " [ Man #2 ] I'll call 10." "I'm in." " [ Man #3 ] I play." " [ Man # 1 ] He plays, I pass." "[ Cosmo ] I need more chips." "[ Man # 1 ] I pass." " [ Cosmo ] Hey." " Cost you $50." "Yo." "What's your name?" " Vic." " Yeah, wi I I you tel I the com modore to come over here, please?" " [ Vic ] Sure." " [ Man ] Costyou $50 ifyou care to play." "Cost you $50." "He raised you $50." "He did." "$50." "I'm in." "[Man #2 ] I'm in." "[Man #3 ] Fiftyand 400." "[ Man #1 ] He raised it 400." "400 to you ifyou care to play." " Costs $800." " [ Cosmo ] No, no, no." "Wait a minute." " 450 it costs me." " [Man #1 ] No, no, no." "He was in for the original $50." "Fifty-dollar bet." "He called, and then he jacked it up over there." " [ Cosmo ] Oh, that's right." "Uh, listen, uh " " Plus $400." "I'm gonna need more credit." "I'm sorry, Mr. Vittelli." "No more credit." " Cost you $800." " [ Cosmo ] I know it costs 800!" "Wait a minute, will ya?" "What areyou trying to do, embarrass me?" "[Man #4 ] I'm sorry." "No." " Well, can I have the credit, or can't I?" " I'm sorry." "There's no more." "Well, then let me see Mr. Weil." "Go get him, will ya?" "[ Cosmo ] The man said I could have unlimited credit." "Unlimited credit?" "I never heard ofsuch a thing." "What doyou mean, "unlimited credit"?" "[All Laughing]" "Well, then, cash a check." "I'll cash a check for $2,000." " No way." " You got my checkbook?" "No way, Mr. Vittelli." "I can't cash a check." "I got it right here." "What areyou telling me you can't cash my check?" "Man, I'm telling ya I can't cash a check." "It means my ass ifl do." "Well, how about credit cards?" "I got gold credit cards, silver credit cards... orange credit cards, green credit cards!" " Is that all right?" " All right." "With credit cards I'll take a check." "All right?" "[Man ] What does it say onyour watch?" "Ah." "What's the name of this place?" " The Ship" " Ship " " Ship Ahoy." "Ship Ahoy." " [ Chips Rattling]" " Darling, don't do that." "It irritates me, will ya?" "It's all right." "It's only money." "This entourage ofbiscuits followyou whereveryou go?" "[Mort] Ah, Mr. Vittelli." "Gentlemen, this is Cosmo Vittelli." " Care for a drink?" " Uh, no, thanks." "May I seeyour credit cards, please?" "Andyour driver's license?" "Uh, it's there." "Excuse me, Mort." "Who gave this gentleman credit?" "Mr. Vittelli... do you plan to payyour debt by check?" "Well, I don't usually carry that kind of money in my bank." "You know, all the money I make..." "I put back into the business." "And it's paying offhandsomely." "Now, look, I intend to pay." "I'm not one ofthose guys who consider a gambling debt just a piece of paper." "[Man ] I'm sure." "And, uh, as you'll see there, uh... there's a - there's a... triple-A credit rating." "Oh, yeah." "There's a gold gas card." "Uh, why don't we have that drink, girls?" "I" " I'd, uh" " I'd be willing to pay for it." "A round for everybody." "No, no, no." "Ladies, excuse me." "I'm sorry." "Please be seated." "Just makeyourselves comfortable." "$23,000 is a lot of money." " Eddie, uh, let me have a Form 223 and a Form 17." " All right." "Okay." "And a pen." "No, no, no." "You've got two Form 17s." " [Eddie ] Oh, I'm sorry." " Can I have a pen?" "Yes." "I'll get one to you in just a minute." "All right." " And that's 17." " Anda pen." "Thankyou." "Okay." "Mr. Vittelli, right here, please." "Okay." "And here." "Okay." "Again right here." "Very good." "Great." "Thankyou very much." "I'm sorry about all this... but you're welcome back anytime." " Thankyou." " Ladies, please come again." " Good day." " Seeya, champ." "Thanks." "[ Mouthing Words ]" "Well, does this mean we all look for a new job?" "Areyou gonna start a cutback orwhat?" "You know, the only reason I ask, Cosmo, is because I'm only 5'2"... and that's a couple inches under the limit." "I just don't know too many places who'd hire me." "You know what I mean?" "Oh, my orchid." "Where's my orchid?" " Oh." " Here." " Thankyou." " Get a good night's sleep." " Good day's sleep." " [ Rachel ] Seeyou." "Thankyou." "Good night." "Good morning." " Thankyou." " Why don't I walkyou toyour door?" "Yes, please." "Thankyou." "So, what are we gonna do?" "It's all paper." " Certainlyhas been a depressing evening all the wayaround, hasn't it?" " Yes." "Be right back." "Aren't you gonna come in?" "I feel sexual." "I don't know what the hell I feel." "[Sighs ]" "I think the thing to do is to get some cash and go back down there." " Want me to come with you?" " Nah." "All right." " Let's go to the club." " Okay." "Thankyou, Lamarr." "Thankyou." "All dressed up and no place to go?" " I'll have a coffee." " Howyou doin'overthere?" " Okay." " You gonna let me audition foryou?" "You don't wanna do that." "Get me the coffee, will ya?" "Nice and hot." "You want me to fix it foryou?" "You've got a goodbody." "And I can dance too." " How old are you?" " I've been there." " No." " You going back to the place?" " Yeah." " You want me to audition foryou?" "I can getAbe to sit in forme." "There's not much ofa turnover at this hour ofthe morning." "Let me close this door." "Find the switch here." "Damn thing never works." " Do you have a dressing room?" " Ah, there it is." " I needa costume." " Yeah, wait a second." "Follow me." "There's costumes over here." "This batch." "Try on anything." "I'm okay now." "Thanks." "Doyou have any music?" "Yeah, we got music." " [ Switch Clicking ] - ##[SongStarting, Stopping]" "## [Pop Ballad]" "# Rainyfields offrost and magic#" "# Morning dew #" "# In late afternoon #" "# Alone I sit#" "# For a moment #" "# Lost in thought from when all the moon #" "## [ Vocalizes ]" "# And the twilight skies #" " [ Phone Ringing ] - # Bring silent cries #" "[ Ringing Continues ]" "# And tonight's moonrise #" "# Fills my eyes #" "# I think I'll step inside to build a fire #" "# Hang up my coat and clothes #" "# Mmm, loving all change #" "# Winter desire #" "## [ Vocalizing ]" "# To be one with the lady I love #" "## [ Vocalizes ]" "# And the amber light #" "# From the cabin side #" "That's very good." "U h, you took, uh" " What, bal let?" " Yes." " Hey, what is thatjump called?" "A tour jete?" " Do that again." " # An understanding that we share #" "Okay, just walk up and down, will ya, so I can take a look at ya." "No, you don't have to jump anymore, sweetheart." "Just walk up and down." "## [ Vocalizes ]" "# Andstill knowing this #" "# We really care #" "# And when the time is right#" "# Oh, it's almost mine #" "# So completely like #" "# A wanton night #" " Hey." " # Rainy fields offrost #" " Come on over." " # And magic #" "# Flowin' through a thought #" "# That Ijust had#" "[ Bag Rustling ]" "[ Banging, Rattling ]" "Oh!" "Cut it out, wi I I ya?" "You stop it." "Cut it out!" "Goddamn it!" "Will you stop!" "Cool it!" "Cut it out!" "J ust auditioning a girl, for Christ's sake!" "Cut it out now!" "Goddamn it!" "Will you stop!" "What's the matterwith you?" " ## [Vocalizing] - ## [Fades ]" "## [Piano Ballad]" "[ Cosmo ] Son of a bitch!" "Open your mouth." "Here it comes." "Open your mouth." "Open your mouth." "# Asyou live #" "# So do I live #" "# Asyou walk#" " Now come on." " # So do I smile #" "# Asyou are #" "Ah, this is bullshit." "[ Cosmo Sighs ]" "# Who #" "# Who butyou#" "I'm a club owner." "# Could know #" " I deal in girls." " # You're someone to me ##" "[Audience Applauding, Cheering]" "[ Whistling]" "[Man ] Yeah!" "The owl and the pussycat went to sea... in a beautiful... pea-green boat." "[Audience Laughing]" "Um " "Said the owl to the pussycat..." ""Come with me to the Crazy Horse West... and Mr. Fascination will take us to gay 'Pa-ree. "'" " [ Cheering] - ## [Trumpet Flourish ]" "[Applause ]" "Paris." "Parigi to those ofyou who are multilingual." "Let's not take a jet or an ocean liner." "But using your imaginations... and with our humble efforts onstage here..." "let's transport ourselves... to that city on the Seine 9,000 miles away." "The City ofLight, La Ville Lumiere..." "Paris." "[ Cheering, Applause ]" "## [ Trumpet ]" "Hurry it up." "Hurry it up, girls." "Let's get the show on the road." "[Applause, Cheering]" "There you are." "# I can't give you #" " # Anythi ng but love # - [ Man ] Take it off!" " # Baby # - [ Whistle Blows ]" "Ooh." "Excuse me, sir... but I'm new here." "She certainly is." "Please, I have no money, no place to eat, no place to sleep." "Well, this must be the place." "[Audience ] Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Beep, beep!" " Beep, beep!" "Beep, beep!" " #That's the only thing #" "# I've plenty of #" "# Baby#" "# Dream awhile #" "# Scheme awhile #" " [Man ] Take it off!" " [Audience ] Whoo!" "Whoo!" "# You're sure to find #" "# Happiness #" "# And I guess #" " # All the things # - [Man ] Oh, yeah!" "# You've always pined for ##" "[ Cheering] Whoo!" "[Man Whistles ]" "Mademoiselle, uh... does this brute - this beast bite?" "Pardon?" "Your dog, baby." "Does, uh, this bowwow... bite?" " No, he won't." " So, what does he do?" "You comb her..." " you wash her..." " And him?" " you feed her." " [Audience ] Whoo!" "That you do to a dog?" "[Whistle Blows ]" "[Audience Cheering, Applauding]" "# Gee, I'd like to see #" "# You lookin'swell#" "# Baby #" "# Diamond bracelets Woolworth's #" "# Doesn't sel I #" " # Baby # - [Audience Shouts ]" "# Til I that I ucky day #" "# You know damn well #" " [ Man ] Yeah!" " [ Man #2 ] Whoo!" "Well." "Uh, excusez-moi, mademoiselle... um, etes-vous Francaise?" "Oui, oui." "Her face is " " Ooh!" " Her face is familiar." "Qui est la?" " Qui est who?" " Qui est la?" " Qui est who?" " Qui est you, baby." " Ah, merde." " [Audience Chuckling]" "# I can't give you anything but#" "# Nothing in this great big world but #" "# I can't give you autre chose #" "# But love Sweet love #" "# Sweet love Sweet love #" "# I can't give you anything #" "# But love #" " # Boop, boop, be-doop ## - [ Whistle Blowing]" "[ Cheering, Applause ]" " [ Teddy] Now I would- - [ Woman Speaking, Indistinct ]" "[ Man ] Turn us on, babes." " # They go wild# - [ Woman ] Oh, not again." "# Si m ply wi ld #" " # Over me # - [ Loud Cheers ]" "# When I 'm wi ld #" "# When I 'm m i ld #" " # Still wild over me # - [ Women ]# I can't give you anything but love #" "# When a lady asks for more #" "# I say Love, you get what for #" " More, will you?" "Give me it." "More, more." " Oh, shut up." " Lookwhat you have here." " # They go wild, simplywild #" " #They go wild, verywild # - [Loud Cheers ]" " # Over me ## - [Whistle Blows ]" "Come on, baby." "I'm going to takeyou home." " [Loud Cheers ]" " I think I" "We're going to smoke it." " Huh?" " Doyou like to eat it instead?" " [Audience ] Whoo!" " [Whistle Blows ]" "Did you hearwhat she said?" "[Laughter]" " Come on, baby." " Listen, there's a cop." "[Whistle Blowing]" "[Teddy] You see, ladies and gentlemen... there are now laws against such things in Paris." " I t is not the Paris of old." " [Audience Shouting]" "Or is it?" "[ Whistle Blowing]" "# Give you anything but love #" "# Love, love Sweet love #" "# Love, love, love Sweet love #" "# I can't give you anything #" "# But love ##" "[ Tires Screech ]" "[ Mort ] Hey, fella, you got a doorman?" " Yes, sir." "Uh " " Get him, will ya?" " But you can't park here." "We have a parking lot." " Right." " You'll get a ticket." " Okay." " Ifyou don't mind, I'll park it foryou." " Cosmo Vittelli inside?" " Yes, sir." " Get him, will ya, fella?" " Sure." " Thankyou." "Found us a valuable spot." "Uh, Mr. Vittelli, there's some gentlemen outside foryou." " [ Vince ] Hey, go learn some manners." "Get going." " Yes, sir." "## [Man Whistling]" "Be right back, Sonny." "[ Men Chattering]" "Oh." "Hey, Cosmo." "That's good." "[ Mumbles ]" "You know my friends, the Santa Monica gentlemen." "John, Eddie, Phil." "Mort." " [ Chattering ] - [ Mort ] Cosmo." "Yeah." "Cosmo." "Vince, wait inside." "Ifthere's any trouble, I'll be inside." " Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, yeah." " [Horn Honking]" "[Eddie ] You've got a nice spot here, Mr. Vittelli." "Who do I talk to?" " [Man ] You talk to all ofus." " At once." " How are ya?" " I'm fine, thanks." "J ust wanted to drop by and say hi... see how you were feeling." "Those, uh, Fu Manchu mustaches." "And, uh, they're very uptight, you know." "They're very resentful because they don't know whether they're Chinese-American... or American-Chinese, you know." "His name is Ling." "Well, what does he do?" "Well, he's a bookie." " A Chinese bookie." " Ah." "[ Phil ] See, what we need you for is this." "We got this little problem... and you can help us out." " And that's what we're talking about, see?" "Some " " Listen." "Wait a minute." "[ Chuckles ] I think I understand." "I'm not dumb, but I " " I'm not a fool." " Did you call him a fool, Mort?" "Did I call you a fool?" "Nobody called you a fool." " That's good." " Be smart, Cosmo." "This guy owes us money." "He's gotta pay." "I want to reduce the debt, but not get rid of it." "[ Phil ] So, you want to reduce the debt but not get rid of it." "Is that right?" "That's it." "Yeah." "How much?" "Uh, boys, uh, look" "[Eddie ] Mr. Vittelli... the first rule ofa good businessman is to know whatyou're talking about." "Now, Mr. Vittelli, what are you talkin'about?" "Wait a m i nute, fel las." " We're goin' too fast." " [ Phil] We're goin' too fast." "[ Man ] Yeah." "Fast." "[ Chattering ]" "Hey, Rach." "I'm hot." "It's hot down here." "[ Chattering]" "I'm not hungry." "Give me some, uh..." "Coca-Cola." "Let's do somethin'." "What do you want to do?" " Want to go to a movie?" " Let's go to a movie." " A Chinese movie?" " Chinese movie." "Why not?" "Get out ofthis heat, get in some air-conditioning, huh?" " [ Cosmo ] All right." "Enough." "We've seen three pictures." " [Blows Landing, Yelling]" " Ah, here it is." "Here it is." " Where's my purse?" "[ Cosmo ] I got it." "[Blows Landing, Yelling]" "Here we go." "Come on." "Let's go, girls." "Here we go." " Jesus Christ." "It's night." "Here." "Here's your hat." " Oh." "Lamarr, why didn'tyou come in and get us?" " Didn't want to disturbyou." " What time is it?" " It's late." " Of course it's late!" "The show, for Christ's sake." "Let's get in here." "Come on, girls." "Come on." "Come on." "Let's go." "Let's go, for Christ's sake!" "Let's go." "[Rachel Giggles ] Hey." "You're gonna make me " "Come on." " ## [ TeddySinging] - [ Cosmo ] Quiet." "Quiet." " # Many a heart is #" " Hold it." " # Breaking# - [ I mitates Heartbeat ]" "# Ifyou could read them all#" " What the hell kind of number is that?" " # Manythe hopes #" " # That have vanished# - "After the Ball Is Over." The ball is just beginning." " Go on and get dressed." "I never want to see that song in the show again." " # Afterthe ball#" "It's a strip joint." "Nobody takes their clothes off, for Christ's sakes." " [ Woman ] # After de ball is over ## - [Woman #2 ] Take it away, Fifi." "This show is going so bad maybe I should take all my clothes off." "[ Cheering, Whistling]" "Cosmo." " Hey, Mort." "How are ya?" " Ah." "Didn't find him, did ya?" "Nah." "I didn't want to find him." " I don't understand." " [Women Hollering]" "I don't want to reduce the debt." " You don't?" " No." "Well, what doyou want to do?" "Well, I oweyou money, I'll payya." " Step outside." " I'm busy." "I'll seeyou in a few minutes." "Please, doyourself a favor." "I mean, you know I likeyou." "Doyourselfa favor and step outside." "Okay, Mort." "[Applause ]" "[ Horns Honking ]" "[ Groans ]" "Okay." "Okay." "I get the message." "Beautiful- [Italian Word]" "Beautiful." "Now" " Baccio la mano." "Now we have a relationship." "Now we can talk." "Sure." "Mi, what a wonderful - [ Italian Word ]" "[ Italian ]" "[ Italian ]" "Che bello." "[Phil] Well?" "[ Patting Leg ]" "[Phil] Give it to him." "[ Glove Compartment Opens ]" "You know how to load it?" "[John ] Check the bullets, Flo." "Don't forget the bullets." "[ Phil] Put that safety on." "Yeah." "That's right." "## [ H um m i ng ]" "[ Phil] Oh, we, uh, borrowed a car." "It's parked behind us." "That's whatyou'll use." " [ Glove Compartment Closes ]" " Yeah." "I t's, uh, real hot." "There won't be an alert out for an hour or two." "[ Mort ] Take a look at it so you know whatyou're driving." "It's automatic." "It's run on a wire, so don't stall it." "There's no key." "Cosmo." "You see this?" "You know where the Laurel Ventura Freeway is?" " Yeah." " You go over Laurel." "Two blocks on the other side ofthe Valley, past Ventura Boulevard." "Stay toyour right." "Under the bridge, you get on." "Stay toyour right on the freeway to get to the Hollywood." "You take that straight until you come to a three-prong freeway." "It's on the map." "Take a look at it." "It's where one freeway becomes three freeways." "The Pasadena, the Santa Ana and the Harbor." "You take the Pasadena on your left." "Stay on that till you get to Rossmore." "Get off at the Rossmore exit." "Go east till you come to Philbin." "It's on the map." "Park the car, walk seven blocks." "Wulton and Gray." "It's all marked." "Here's the book." "The steps are in there, numbered." "[ Clears Throat ]" "Police car came by, but it - they kept right on goin'." "[ Phil] Here's the key." "Now, we got it from the locksmith who put the Chinaman's locks in." "We know it works." "[ Mort ] For the back stairs only, Cosmo." "And you gotta stop off at a joi nt and buy some beef." "Got three dogs." "[John ] You could buy 12 hamburgers." "[ Mort ] Don't put mustard on 'em either." "[John ]And no pickle or they- or ketchup." "And don't put any onions on 'em." "[ Phil] Yeah, yeah." "We've been told- good information - that, uh..." "Benny Wu goes to bed about 9:00." " Oh." " I think thatyou should " "[ Cosmo ] Wait a m i nute." "I thought the guy's name was Harold Ling." " [Phil] Well, what we mean is - - [John ] The man goes to bed- The man retires at 9:00." "[Phil] Yeah." "Yeah." "That's, uh" " That's what I meant." "Anyway, we've checked this thing out." "He's an old man." "He sleeps alone." "There's an A-frame house in front ofthe big place." "Got a lot ofguards living there." " [ Cosmo ] The guards live in the A -frame?" " Right." "[ Flo ] Yeah." "There 's always somebody wandering." "Someti mes two outside." "They're quick... and quiet." "[John ]And there are lights, and there are trip wires, aren't there?" "[ Mort ] Only in the front ofthe driveway." " In the front ofthe driveway." " [John ] Take a taxicab back." "[ Phil] Wipe the gun clean and throw it away." "It can 't be traced." "[ Mort ] Use the light." "Study the map." "Check the book." "The steps are marked." "That's your bible." " [John ] Eddie, do you have the papers?" " Yeah." "Give him the markers." "Let him examine the markers." "Mr. Vittel I i... you want to check these?" "That's the original copy." "[John ] You owed us $23,000." "That was our receipt." "[Phil] You can tear it up ifyou want to." "Go ahead." "[ Clears Throat ]" "[ Engine Revs ]" "[ Mort ] Hey." "[Phil] No traffic violations." "[ Phil Chuckles ]" " [ Loud Bang] - [ Tires Squeal]" "[ Horn Honks ]" "[ Tires Squealing ]" "[ Tires Squealing]" "[ Horn Honking]" "[ Tires Squealing]" "[ Tires Screeching ]" "[ Horn Honks ]" "[ Trunk Rattling]" "[ Horn Honking ]" "[Horn Honking]" "[Horn Honking]" "[ Horn Honking]" "[ Dog Barking]" "Yeah." "Yellow Cab, uh..." "I'm at the corner of, uh, Genesee and Pitts." "Uh, well, it's the, uh, Economy Self-Serve." "Well, it's the Economy Self-Serve." "My name is, uh, Ted Byron." "Uh, well, I'll be right here." "Right." "I'm not goin' anywhere." "Sonny." "How's it goin'?" "Well, who's onstage?" "Margo and Sherry?" "Why are only two girls onstage?" "Where's Teddy?" "He, uh, just came on." "All right." "Well, what's he singing'?" "What song is he singing', Sonny?" "But how can that be" " Sonny." "How can that be the song with only two girls onstage?" "Uh" " Sonny." "Who's this?" "Vince." "Vince, I can't understand Sonny." "Wh-Wh" "Who's onstage now?" "The" " The" " The, uh - The" "The short girl." "Margo Donnar, right?" "And the tall girl." "Right." "Sherry." "Yeah." "And, uh" "What" "What number is it?" "Is it the Paris number?" "The Paris number!" "For Christ's sake, you've been at the place seven years... you don't know what the Paris number is?" "Well, are there signs on the wall?" "P-A-R" "The Paris number." "Are there letters on the wall that say P-A-R" "There's another card that says "moon."" "Well, what's he singing?" "Is it "I Can't Give You Anything but Love, Baby"?" "# I can't giveyou #" "# Anything but love #" "# Baby ##" "[ Tires Screech ]" "I'm the one who called ya." " Whereyou goin', pal?" " Downtown." " I mean, where downtown?" "This is a pretty big city." " I'll tell you when we get there." "Look, mister, I don't like to take anybody in the cab that doesn't know where he's goin'." "Well, I know where I'm goin'." "I, uh, just don't know the address." " All right." "You call it out when we get down there." " Yeah, okay." "[Woman ] Sure." "Fine." "Fine." "[Pinball Machine Rattling, Dinging]" " You wanted 12 hamburgers to go, right?" " That's right." " Well-done, right?" " That's right." " I even had them individuallywrapped foryou." " No, no." "No, that's wrong." " You didn't want 'em individuallywrapped?" " No." "I" " I " "I don't want 'em wrapped." "I want 'em all together." "Mywife hates waste." "Uh, paper comes from trees." "She hates that." "She can't even throw the garbage out." " Just do what I tell you, will you?" " But " " I want 'em all together." " Butyou can't put 12 hamburgers in a brown paper bag." " I mean, you're gonna ruin it." " That's the way I want it." "Okay." "Your hamburgers." "Herhusbanddiedlastyear." "You know, you get angry." "Get lonely." "Sometimes it always goes like that, don't it?" "Yeah." "I know." "Believe me, I know." "I lost my own wife three years ago this fall." "Mayshe rest in peace." "Oh." "[ Continues, Indistinct ]" "Hey, look, man." "I'm really sorry." "I " "I thought maybe you were lonely." "I thought maybe you had a problem." " I didn't really mean anything." " It's all right." "[Man ]Sue." "Sue, listen." "Listen." "It's all right." "I told him." "You didn't mean anything." "I told him." "Hamburgers!" " Hey, you got a cigarette?" " Yeah." "All right." "Thanks." "[ Dog Sniffs ]" "[ Man Speaking Korean ]" "[ Korean ]" "[ Woman And Man Speaking Korean ]" "[ Child] Whee!" "[ Chattering In Korean ]" "[ Click, Soft Rattle ]" "[ Clock Ticking]" "[ Man Speaking, Indistinct ]" "[ Man Speaking Chinese ]" "[ Chi nese ]" "[ Water Sloshes, Whooshes ]" "[ No Audi ble Dialogue ]" "## [ Man Whistling]" "[ Water Sloshes ]" "## [ Whistling ]" "I'm real bad." " [ Cocks Gun ]" " Real bad." "I'm so sorry." "[ WaterSloshes ]" "[ Dog Barks In Distance ]" "[ Footsteps Approaching]" "[ Door Opens ]" "[ Dog Barking]" "[ Man ] Go check it out." " [ Man ] Halt!" " [ Gunshot ]" "Goddam n it!" " Come on, dudes." " Man, I ai n't goin' up there." "Come on." "Damn, Eddie." "Get that dog." " [ Gunshot ]" " Let's go." "[ Vehicle Approaching]" "[ CoinsJingle ]" "Taxi!" "Go straight." "Then I'll tell you where to go." " [ Cosmo ] What is that, a movie house there?" " [ Man ] Yeah." "Right." "Yeah, well, uh, I feel like a movie." "Stop here, willya?" "Okay." " This all right here?" " Yeah." " There you go." " Hey, thanks a lot." "Appreciate it." "You on duty?" "[ Groans ]" "[ Groans ]" "[ Groans ]" "[ Groaning ]" "Oh!" "Oh, Jesus Christ." "[ Breathing Heavily ]" "What happened?" "Oh, my God." "Mom, you gotta call me a cab." " No." " I have to get to the club." "No, you stay home." "Mom'll take care ofyou." "A Peruvian." "A Peruvian, uh... shepherd named Bruno said, "This about love I do know." "[Woman ] Thankyou." "Mine was " ""A woman is fine, a sheep is divine... but a llama is numero uno. "" "[Woman Chuckles ]" " [Mort] Marty, how areya?" " [Marty] Hi, Mort." "[Mort ] Good to" "Jesus Christ." "Good to seeya." " [Marty] Having a party?" " Yeah." "A little celebration." "Some friends in from New York." "Clare Benoit, Mickey, uh, Noeaux and Mike." " Clare Benoit?" " [ Man ] Yeah." " This is I ngrid." " [ Clare ] Pull up a chair." "Please." "And Alvinia I'm sure you remember." "Hi." "Listen, Mort, I just heard on the radio that something happened down there at the Chinaman's." "Sounded like a real bloodbath - people hollering and screaming all over the place." " [Clare ] Oh, myGod." " [Mort] What happened?" "I don't know." "I didn't hear all the details." "They had a reporter doing an on-the-spot number." "[ Clare ] Was it a tong war?" "I don't know, but the way he said it, there was about 25 squad cars there." "There was some asshole that went up and just started shooting." "Kids too." "[ Clare ] Who's the Chinaman, Mort?" "Uh, downtown - a guy in import-export." " Didyou know him?" " Yeah." "Yeah, uh - Do you want a drink?" "Well, I'm sure you'll excuse me." " I have to meet someone over there." " Well, come back, okay?" "Nice seeing ya." "Sorry about -you know." " That's okay." " But come back, okay?" "Good night, Alvinia." "[ Clare ] What's the matter?" "Don'tyou like him?" " Oh, he's sweet." " [ Clare ] He's a nice guy." "He's a nice-lookin'guy." " [ Clare ] Is he a nice guy?" " [Alvinia ] Mmm." "Notice how upset he was about that Chinese massacre?" "[Alvinia ] Mmm." " Wil I you excuse me, please?" "I have to freshen up." " [ Clare ] Sure." "[ Sighs ]" "[ Clare ] How long were you and Mort married?" " Listen - - [Alvinia ] I really don't remember." " [ Whispering ] - [ Clare ] You don't remember?" "You were married to him, andyou don't remember how long?" " Don't worry about it." " [Alvinia ] No." "So I gotta put up a chimney to carry the smoke out." "Why can't the smoke go in the house?" "Hi, Mort." "Flo, I gotta talk to you - alone." "Screw." "Have yourself a whistle." "You, take offwith him." "Get her ready." "[Blows ]" " I'll be withyou in a while." " Guess what." "I got a message from Marty." " You see Marty?" " I'm always looking at Marty." " Say hello to Marty." " Greatest guy in the world." " You know what he told me?" " There he is." " That's him." " The two-finger salute." " It's all right, Marty." " You know what he just told me?" "Stopped by the table." " Yeah, what'd he tell ya?" " He said the Chinaman is dead." "The Chin " "I thoughtyou'dbe happy." "Now I'll giveyousomething to cryabout." "You gotta go get Vittelli and kill him." "[ Laughing ]" "[ Mouthing Words ]" "[ Chattering]" "[Applause, Whistling]" "[ Teddy] Good evening." "Bonsoir." "Well, I see that the booze is plentiful tonight... which is good... because it's good for the house, and what is good for the house is ultimately good foryours truly." "Now I shall..." "mesmerize you - all ofyou." " Hypnotize you." " How's it goi n', Sonny?" " Busy." " And make you use your imaginations... to take you on another trip... to another day... to another dream... another dollar." "I magination." "# I magination #" "# Is funny #" "# It makes a cloudy day #" "# Sunny #" "# Makes the bees #" "#Think ofhoney #" " #Just as I # - [Man Whistling]" " #Think ofyou # - [WolfWhistle ]" "# Imagination #" "# Is crazy #" "#Yourwhole perspective #" "# Gets hazy #" "# Starts you asking a daisy #" "#What to do #" "# What to do #" " [Applause ] - # Haveyou everfelt#" "# A gentle touch#" "# And then a kiss #" "# And then#" "# And then find it's only #" "# Your imagination again #" " # Oh, well# - [Applause ]" "# Imagination #" "# Is silly #" " # You go around# - [Applause ]" "# Willy-nilly #" "# For example #" "# I go around#" "# Wantingyou #" "[ Man ] Take it offnow." "# Andyet #" " [Applause ] - # I can't #" "# Imagine #" "Fabulous place." " Thanks." " For times delizioso." "Good girls." "J ust like home." "I've been waiting a long time." "I've been playing games." "Do you know Match One?" " Five, four, three, two, one." " Yeah." " Do you play?" " Well, not now." "Got a little problem here." "## [Teddy Continues Singing]" "You know..." "I gotta meet some friends at 11:00." "Maybe you should, like, come along." "We're all fairly interested in your experience." "Well, I'll tellyou about it, you can tell them, because, uh..." "I don't feel too hot." "[Flo ] No one could have pulled that off." "I know myself." " Ten years ago I shoot some Mexican - - [ Cosmo ] Hey." " [ Rachel ] How you doi n'?" " I 'm gonna buy you a diamond ring." "You're kidding." "Ooh." " [ Cosmo ] You love me?" " You know I do." " [ Cosmo ] Sayyou love me." " I love you." "I gotta get back." "# And then#" "# And then findit's only yourimagination#" "[Flo ] I don't want to keep myfriends waiting any longer." "# Again #" "# Over again #" "# Imagination ##" "[ Horn Honki ng ]" "[ Horn Honks ]" "[ Door Closes ]" "You're a hell of a nice guy." "I never believed I could tell that to anyone." "It's too bad I wasn't nice." "Where areyourfriends?" "Anybody home?" "Ah, that jerk Karl Marx said opium was the... religion ofthe people." "I got news for him." "It's money." "Money." "That's" "Jesus Christ." "My fatherwas right." "Although my father put it anotherway." "You know, capisce?" "He says - Mio padre... mi ha detto..." ""Hai fatto... una bella cacata. "" "Yeah." "It's a great enjoyment, a good crap." "You know what's wrong with the world, Cosmo?" "I ncluding me and everybody else that might be here." "The whole world needs to fart at the same time." "There's nothing wrong with you, Cosmo." "Money." "Money." "My fatherwas a nice guy." "You should have met my father." "He could listen to me likeyou could." "That's why I likeyou." "There's not manypeople that can listen like myfather." " You crywhen your father died?" " Ah." "He promised me one thing." "He said, "Hey-"" "[ Pats Chest ] "Don't let 'em bury me."" "Didn't like the electric company, the gas company, the water company." "Why don't you do yourself a favor and get out of here?" "H uh?" "You're an amateur." "Take a walk." "[Engine Starts ]" "Where are you going?" "That's my friend in there." "Take care ofhim." "He's your problem." "Say hello to everybody and give them my love." "[ Makes Buzzing Sound ]" ""Za," play ball." "Asshole." "[ Horn Honks ]" "[Mort] Vittelli." "Cosmo?" ""Cosimodo"?" "It's Mort." "[ Horn Honks ]" " Cosmo." " [ Horn Honks ]" "Hey, Cosmo." "Sorry about that." "I n fact, I'm sorry about the whole thing, Cosmo, but, uh... it couldn't be helped, you know." "I mean, that's why we're here to talk about it." "Itjust happened to beyou." "I likeyou." "Ipersonallylikeya." "I felt it when I metyou." "It was instincts, ya know." "I just know the whole mess is on the news." "I don't know if they know who you are." "I don't know if they know you're connected with us or not." "But we can getyou out oftown fora while." "We'll take care ofthejoint foryou." "You come back in, you run thejointjust the wayyou wanna." "It's yourplace." "Fire the acts, hire 'em." "Stage it." "Whateveryou wanna do." "You've got some ki nd of guts, man." "You know who that was?" "You know who the Chinaman was?" "He was the heaviest cat on the West Coast, Cosmo." "You did what we couldn't do." "I mean, you knewyou were set up, didn'tyou?" "I mean, it was a plan, and, uh, I was part ofit, but, uh " "I like myself, you know." "I mean..." "I believe you could kill me right now, and if that's what you want to do... then, uh, go ahead... but you've got enough heat on you already, and we can helpyou." "[Mort] Hey, Phil." "[DoorSlam Echoes ]" " [ Indistinct ] - [ Guns Cocking]" "Dago!" "I'm gonna kill you!" "[ Breathing Heavily]" "Whew." "[ Grunts ]" "[ Door Slams Loudly]" "[ Breathing Heavily]" "[ Thuds ]" "Hey, champ!" "I think it's about time to make a deal." "Answerme, ya son ofa bitch!" "[ Gunshots ]" "Vittelli?" "Vittelli!" "[Man On Radio ] The DowJones industrial average went up " "Because I had to cal I her at the club... and tell her there was a accident." "He was hurt." "[Man On Radio, Indistinct ]" "Could you come over a few minutes " "[Man On Radio ] And now the worldat a glance." "California congressman " "Because I don't know if he's coming home." "I don't know ifyou know a doctor or whatever." "I said I don't know if he's coming home." "Mom, wouldyou get offthe telephone." "[Man On Radio ] Lashes out at the general assembly." "He" " He might try and call." "And if he calls and the line is busy, he won't call back again." " Mama, get offthe darn telephone." " I don't know ifhe's coming home or not." " Whoyou talking to anyway?" " Your brother." "Mama." "[Man On Radio ] Previously owned by GulfOil and British Petroleum." " This makes the way for the first Arab country..." " [ Rachel] Good evening." "to receive 100% ownership ofthis reduced company." "Bologna, Italy." "Ernesto Maserati... former top racing driver and founder ofthe Maserati automobile company... died today at the age of77." "Tel A viv." "The Israeli defense minister plans to ask the U.S.... to speed shipment off- 15 fighter planes." "Why isn't your daughter at work?" "[ Rachel] Are you serious?" "I mean, there's a show goin' on." "She's my girlfriend, but she also works for me." "[Rachel] Areyou reallyserious?" "[ Cosmo ] I mean, people are struggling to keep the show alive." "Oh, by the way, I feel wonderful." "I mean, in case you were wondering whether I was dying." "[Rachel] We were a little bit curious, yes." "Never felt better in my life." "[Betty] Could I have a talk withyou a moment, please?" " Oh, sure." " [ Rachel] What's happening?" "Will somebody please tell me what's goin' on." "Don't worry, Rach." "I got a lot of insurance." " I'm serious." "What's go " " I gotta go talk to your mother." "Shh." "Could we please have a talk?" "[ Clears Throat ]" "Well, now." "I don't know what to think." "I mean, uh " "[ Sighs ] Ah." "I'm not feeling well, to tell you the truth." "I mean, it's not, uh - [ Chuckles ]" "My stomach is upset, and I need some, uh - some, uh " "I don't know what I need." "I don't know." "But, uh..." "I, uh, didn't expect that." "I didn't expect a double cross." "You're a funny lady, Betty." "My mother was very funny, had a great sense of humor." "Yeah, that's right." "She was so funny, she ran offwith this big, fat butcher." "I don't know where she is." "Uh, but, uh " "Uh " "You're terrific." "You're wonderful." "You know any butchers?" " No." "I didn't run offwith no bu" " Oh, no, you didn't " "And I don't give a shit about a... butcher." "That's right." "Well, that's what she did." "And myfather was, uh " "I don't give a damn about your father." "That's right." "Yeah, well, he was a - he was a moron." " I don't care." " Well, I care!" " Well, I don't!" " Well, I do!" "[ Clears Throat ]" "[ Wheezing Laugh ]" "I don't know what to do with my hands." "I swear to God." "How long's that coffee been there?" "[ Laughing ]" "[ Sighs ]" "Cosmo, I thinkwhat happened... was wrong." "And you won't go to the doctor... becauseyou thinkyou're gonna live... with the bullet in you." "And I don't wantyou in myhouse no more." "Because I'm not strong enough foryou." "Okay, babe." "Listen." "I wish you luck in whateveryou endeavor." "And I gotta go because there are no rivers here." "Uh " " I still loveyou." " Yeah." " Butyou can't stayhere no more." " Absolutely." "Because I don't know what's wrong, and I don't know what happened, and I don't want to know." " I know." " And I don't want to know " "[ Door Opens, Closes ]" " Pay the guy." " Yes, sir." " [Audience Clapping Rhythmically] - # And there's never anyone around#" "# To hear it #" "# Never anyone around#" "# To hear it #" "# The first star #" "# Out tonight I'm safe tonight #" " # I'll warm your hands and make you smile # - [ Whistling ]" "# Ooh, ooh #" "# Ahh, ahh #" "# Ooh ##" "[ Rhythmic Clapping Continues ]" "[ Man ] Come on!" "[ Cosmo ] Hey." " [ Margo ] Hi, Cosmo." " H i, Margo Donnar." "[ Cosmo Chuckles ] Hel lo, Sherry." " Hi, Cosmo." " How are ya?" "[ Clapping Continues ]" "Hello, big guy." "[ Cosmo ] Well, what's goin'on here, huh?" " Waitin' to start the show." " [ Cosmo ] Nobody wants their check this week?" " Yeah." " I do." " You want your check, don't ya?" " Yes." "Let's get our asses downstairs." "We got people." "So, let's go." "What's the problem?" "Where's Rachel?" "[Margo ] Yeah, is Rachelsick?" "[ Cosmo ] Yeah, she's not feeling too good." "She has the flu." " And she has anotherjob." " [ Margo ] Oh, really?" " Bigger and better things." " [ Woman ] Yeah, where is she?" " [ Woman ] Oh." " [ Cosmo ] Got a newjob." " [ Woman ] Bigger and better things, huh?" " She 's got the flu." " And she's depressed." " [ Woman ] Mm-hmm." "J ust I i ke you guys." "What is this depression?" " Huh?" " [ Teddy] There's a problem " " Come on." "I know there's a problem." " There's just a misunderstanding, Cosmo." " What is it?" " [Teddy] The problem that - It's not a misunderstanding." "It's a problem, and it has to be discussed now." "Look, I don't want to pull a big star bit... but people do come here because I'm... wel l, some unique ki nd of personality, I suppose." "A bit far out, a bit freakish maybe, but " " Far out." "Okay." " Not a freak at all." " Yeah, but freakish." " Straitlaced." "But" " Freakish." "But unique in my own way." "And when things go badly... who gets the booing?" " I do." "But when things go well..." " [Cosmo ] Mymusic director- they - they, they, they get the applause and all the cheers... because they flash their tits." " [Woman ] Hey, no way!" " [Woman #2 ] Bullshit!" "Let us be civil, ladies." "Now, Teddy." "Teddy." " [ Teddy Mutters ]" " Everything takes work." "We'll straighten it out." "You know." "You gotta work hard to be comfortable." "Yeah, a lot of people kid themselves, you know." "They" "They know when theywere born, they know where they're goin'... they know whether they're gonna go to heaven, whether they're gonna go to hell." "They think they know that." "They kid themselves." "Right?" "But the only people... who are, you know, happy... are the people who are comfortable." "That's right." "Now, you take, uh, uh, Carol, right?" " [Laughing] - [Woman ] Take her." "Take Carol." "[ Imitating Carol ] "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."" "[Woman ] Aw, no." "[ Cosmo ] A dingbat, right?" "A ding-a-ling." "A dingo." "That's what people think she is, 'cause that's the truth theywant to believe." "But, uh, you put her in another situation, right?" "Put her in a situation that's tough." "Stress." "Where she's up against something, you'll see she's no fool." " Right?" " [Woman ]A littlesilly, but no fool." "Right. 'Cause what's your truth..." "is my falsehood." "What's my falsehood is your truth and vice versa." " [Woman ] Doyou have a Kleenex?" " Right?" "But let's let that go." "That's too confusing." "I confused myself." "Now, let me see." "Where was I?" "Oh, yeah." "Well, look." "Look at me, right?" "I'm only happywhen I'm angry... when I'm sad, when I can play the fool... when I can be what people want me to be rather than be myself." " You understand?" " [ Teddy] Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "And that takes work." "Gotta work overtime for that." "Yeah." "Doesn't matterwhoyou are orwhat personalityyou choose." " [ Woman ] Come on, baby." "Silly boy." " "Come on, baby." Choose a personality." " Get dressed." " Let's go down there and " " I'll giveyou a rubdown after the show." " Right." " We'll do a great show..." " [Woman ] Watch out." "we'll smile, we'll cry... big, glistening tears that pour onto the stage... and we'll make their lives a little happier, huh?" "So theywon't have to face themselves." "They can pretend to be somebody else." "Be happy." "Be joyous." "Come on." "You." "Maestro." " [Tony] Yes." " Give me the downbeat." " The downbeat." " ## [Tony Vocalizing Upbeat Tune ]" " Let's go." " ## [Snapping Fingers Rhythmically]" " [ Woman ] Come on." " [ Woman #2 ] Come on, Teddy." "Get into it." "## [ Vocal izi ng Conti nues ]" "Come on." "Snap those fingers." "# Wars have come and wars have gone #" "# History goes on and on #" "# But ever since this world began #" " [ All ] # Love # - # Love not warhas conqueredman##" "Oh, I'm so in love." "I'm so in love." " Look at this." "Could you believe this?" " Great." "Hey." "Yeah." "This lovely man gave it to me." "Isn't it beautiful?" " Go, Sherry." " Ho, ho, ho, ho." "You're lovely without that little ring, mylove." "[ Cosmo ] All right." "Keep it up." "No fooling around." "Let's do it clean." " Come on." "Keep going, Tony." " Okay." "Come on." "[Women Chattering]" "[Tony] # Caesarfought to gain control#" " Good." "Good." " # Worldly wealth was Caesar's goal#" "# But then Cleo played her hand#" "# And love conqueredjust as planned##" "## [ Trumpet Flourish, Drumroll]" "How many mothers i n the house?" "Let me hear it." " [ Man ] Five." " [ Woman ] Three." "Ah, we got some mothers in the house." "Mothers who love their children." " [ Clapping Rhythmically ]" " Got sons who love their daughters." " What a pain in the ass." " [ Laughing ]" "## [ Trumpet Flourish ]" "Give me a spot!" "Give me a spot." "Ah." "Right here." " [ Weak Applause ]" " Is that all?" " [ Applause ]" " Let me hear it." "Nice." "That's better." "My name, ifyou don't know it by now, is Cosmo Vittelli." " [Man ] Come on." "Bring 'em out." " And I own this joint." "[Man #2 ] You got a lot ofnerve." "[Applause ]" "You know, uh, they say everything is sex." "Uh, sex is everything." "Here at the Crazy Horse West..." " we give you a lot more than that." " [Applause ]" " [Man ] I'm dyin'." " That's right." "And because ofyour patience, we're gonna start off by buying every one ofyou a drink." "[ Cheering]" "Put a spotlight on Sonny." "Put a spotlight on Son- SonnyVenice, ladies and gentlemen." "Ourbartender." "Give him some love, huh?" " [ No Audible Dialogue ] - [Man ] Yea, Sonny!" " And we have - we have Andie with us." " [Man ] Bigspender." "She's gonna be with us tonight in the show." "Andie." "[ Cheering]" "Sonny Venice." "Love to say that name." "Beautiful name." "And, uh... the girls that help him here... are beautiful girls." "Love to take care of people." "We have, uh, Rita here." "Rita." "[ Applause ]" "Rita, you got a drink there?" "Let me have that." " [Man ] Now what?" "Come on." " And we have, uh, Virginia." "Where's Virginia?" " There she is." " [ Applause ]" "[Man ] Come on." "Eileen." "Eileen." "[ Applause ]" " [Man ] Where's the girls?" " Oh." "Well, I think I should explain whywe're a little late." "One of our " " Where's Rachel?" " Where are the othergirls?" "Well, that's it." "One of our girls left." "No longerwith us." "Uh, Rachel, as a matter offact." "Gone on to bigger and better things." "Uh... she was a black girl." "Black and beautiful." "And I loved her." "And I drink to her." "Now, uh..." "Mr. Sophistication... and his De-Lovelies... are not gonna takeyou to Asia." "They're not gonna takeyou to Europe." "They're not gonna takeyou to South America." "We're gonna introduce a new number tonight." "He's gonna takeyou on a whole new trip." "And I know you're gonna enjoy it." "It's a new numberwritten by our musical director." "Talented guy." "Tony Maggio." "And, uh " "Uh, with any luck, uh..." "Mr. Sophistication and his De-Lovelies will be walking down those stairs right now." "Let's give him a big hand - Mr. Sophistication, ladies and gentlemen." "[Applause ]" "Mr. Sophistication, ladies and gentlemen." "Well, uh, as you can see, they're prettier than I am." "I'll get offthe stage." "Enjoy the show." "[Applause ]" "[ Teddy] Well, uh, better late than never, n'est-ce pas?" "Even at this hour ofthe night." "I'd like a - a followspot on Cosmo... and a larger, greater hand for our padrone." "Because he's not only a great nightclub owner   [Applause ]" " Quiet." "Wait." "Wait." "But he also - he also practices... the best thing there is in this world - to be comfortable." "Enjoyyourself." "[Margo ] Andnow, ladies andgentlemen... forthe veryfirst time tonight right here on this stage... the Crazy Horse West is pleased and proud to present to you tonight... our musical director, Mr. Tony "Daggio."" " [Woman ] Yea!" " [ Cheering]" "[Rhythmic Clapping]" "#We can't give you anything but love #" "# Baby#" " #That's the only thing we've plenty of # - [Audience Clapping Rhythmically]" "# Baby #" "# Dream awhile # Grovel for it." "Grovel." "# Scheme awhile #" " #You're sure to find # - [Man ] Take it off!" "# Happiness great success #" "# All the things you've always whined for #" "# Gee, we'd like to see #" "#You lookin' swell #" "# Baby #" "# Dolled up, dressed up #" "# Raising Cain and hell #" "# Baby #" "#Till that lucky day #" "#You know damn well #" "# Baby #" "# I can't giveyou anything but #" "# Nothing in this great big world but #" "# I can't giveyou anything but #" "# Love, love, love #" "# Hot love #" "# Love, love, love Hot love #" "# I can't giveyou autre chose #" " # But love ## - [Man ] Take it off!" "Whoo!" "You're hot!" "You're hot!" "Whoo!" "[Audience Laughing]" " [Applause, Whistling] - [Man ] Hey, hey!" "[Man ] More!" " # I can't give you anything but love # - [ Man ] Yeah!" "# Baby #" " # That's the only thing I've plenty of#" " Give us some fire!" "# Baby #" "# Dream awhile Scheme awhile #" " [ Whistle Blowing ] - # You're sure to find#" "# Happiness and I guess #" " # All the things you've always pined for # - [ Whistle Blows ]" " [ Man ] Come on." " # Gee, I'd like to see you lookin 'swell #" "# Baby #" " # Diamond bracelets Woolworth 's doesn 't sell # - [ Cheering ]" "# Baby #" "# Till that lucky dayyou know darn well #" "# Baby #" " # I can 't give you anything but # - [ Rhythmic Clapping ]" "# Nothing in this great big world but #" " # I can 't give you anything but love # - # I can 't give you anything but love #" "# Love, love, sweet love #" " [ Cosmo ] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." " [ Loud Cheering ]" "Where are you?" "You're at the Crazy Horse West!" " # Anything but # - [ Cosmo ] Hi, ho, Silver, away!" "# Love ##" "[ Cosmo ] Ladies and gentlemen..." "Crazy Horse West is proud to present..." " Mr. Sophistication..." " [ Cheering ] and his De-Lovelies." "Let's give 'em a big hand." "[ Man ] Come on back." "Come on, Teddy." "Come on." " [ Woman ] Come on, baby." " Call him back." "[ Woman ] Listen, ladies and gentlemen." "He thinks we don 't love him, but we really do."