"You on?" "Holding." "Who's the last person saw her?" "Doorman." "Eighty-one year old woman walks out of a building at one o'clock in the morning wearing nothing but a nighty, guy doesn't ask her what she's doing, where she's going, nothin'." "Doormen." "The ones who work nights, it's like they're paid to sleep." "Yeah, sorta like you." "I like to consider myself a doorman in training." "Frank, I know it's your own private hotel in here, but do you think you could pick your clothes up?" "I don't need to be lookin' at your underwear at this hour." "Oh, like there's a good time for that." "You sleeping' here again, frank?" "Well, the last couple of nights my wife's sister's in town, and she don't like me." "Why is that?" "I called her a fat bitch a couple of Christmas's ago." "Were you drunk?" "Nope." "Is she fat?" "Do I look like I know fat?" "He's been sleepin' there the last week and half." "Bobby down front told me." "So what?" "I don't wanna go home." "So get a hotel room, you cheap bastard." "Mikey, so what if I sleep here, right?" "That's my prerogative." "Exactly." "You wanna be a loser, that's your choice," "Loser?" "Oh, come on, man, if you got no place to go except here at night, that's pretty pathetic." "What the hell's goin' on here?" "What?" "What are you all crippled?" "Nobody can pick up the phone?" "I just got here." "Oh, shut up!" "And what are you doin'?" "I'm watering' the plants." "This ain't a damn nursery." "When the phone rings, pick it up." "Look, I got a busy day here." "The numbers are comin' in and I'm gonna be on the phone all day with the captain covering them." "And your ass." "Just for that, McNEIL, this falls on your desk." "Somebody studying a woman up on 83rd." "Take care of it." "Well, sir, pip and I are actually covering the missing old lady case, so... is this the debate club?" "Take care of it." "Yes, sir." "And somebody answer that phone!" "Manetti." "Looks like you're gonna have a busy day." "Not necessarily." "Hey, boys?" "Mike, Al and I have our own stuff we're working on." "I know we're the new guys and we're trying to help out as much as we can, but just because you don't want to take a call, doesn't mean you get to push it on us." "Okay?" "So it's on 83rd, bro?" "Yes, bro." "Bye, bro!" "?" "This is modern day America?" "gotta check out the building." "Doorman takes a nap." "Yeah." "If she comes back in unnoticed." "Mm-Hmm." "He said he looked everywhere, but you know how that goes." "I know." "Get your gun out, McNEIL." "Why?" "'Cause I'm gonna tell you something that's gonna make you wanna shoot yourself." "John Wayne was gay?" "Oh, worse than that." "What?" "You know that call you sent Ruben and I out on?" "Yeah." "The harassment call?" "Yeah." "Elizabeth Hurley." "The actress?" "The actress-slash-model-slash incredible piece of ass." "Did you see her on that movie with the giant bug?" "Oh my god!" "Who told you this?" "They just called it in." "Everyone's talkin' about it." "Hard on." "What?" "Elizabeth Hurley, so what?" "She's an actress, new York's full of 'em." "Went in the coffee shop this morning, an actress served me breakfast." "Big deal." "So you're being harassed?" "No, it's just that, well I found this thing in a box outside my door this morning and I'm sure it's just someone thinking they're being funny, but, you know," "I haven't noticed anybody lurking around." "Lurking?" "Okay, um, and was that delivered or did you just find it outside?" "I found it." "You know, I have already told this to the other detectives." "Yeah, but I'm the detective officially in charge of the case now, so you're gonna want to tell me all that information." "Oh, okay." "Wow, you got a heck of a view from your kitchen out there, Elizabeth." "Well, she told me to call her Elizabeth." "What are you doin' here?" "Well, he told me that he was the detective in charge." "I am, what are you doin' here?" "This is my call, frank." "I don't think so." "You know, excuse me a second." "Let me talk to you over here for a second frank." "Excuse me." "It's our call." "No, no, no." "You know, gentlemen, I have to get downtown in about ten minutes." "So if we could just, maybe, wrap this up." "I tell you what, why don't we all just go and sit over here and we'll straighten this whole thing out." "Okay, uh, miss Hurley, why don't you sit here?" "Okay, and--yep, there we go." "Good, good, good." "Uh, so have you had any major disagreements or arguments with anybody in the last couple of weeks that could-- miss Hurley, I'm detective Manetti, I'll be the detective in charge of this case." "My card." "Thanks." "Feel free to call whenever you like." "All right, men, what do we got?" "Adina, hi!" "Hi, Jan!" "I haven't seen you in a long time." "Right, not since Frank's Christmas party last year at the Pierre." "Right, right, right, um, pip's not here right no." "Oh, I'm not looking for Terrence." "Janice, I've got some info on that assault you were covering over on 72nd street." "Lieutenant, may I speak with you please?" "Uh, look, I'm really very busy." "Jan will take care of you." "I'm Adina Phillips, Terrence's wife." "Who's Terrence?" "Pip." "His name's Terrence?" "May I speak with you please?" "Look, I really got a lot going on." "It will only take two seconds." "I'll talk to the doorman, we'll take care of that." "It's not going to be a problem." "Thanks." "I thought you were great in the bug movie." "Okay." "Oh, thanks--that was a long time ago, but thanks a lot." "Okay." "Let's go." "My wife's not gonna believe this." "She thinks all I get is bums at work." "I willing to leave her by the way." "I don't know if I mentioned that earlier." "Let's wrap it up, thanks." "Sorry 'bout that, they're a little star struck." "Unlike you, detective?" "Well, anyways you got the number there, so, if you need anything just give us a call, don't hesitate and-- hey, where are you goin'?" "Let's go, we're done." "Bye." "See ya." "Come on, watch where you're goin'." "Hey, pip, or should I say Terrence?" "I gotta bone to pick with you." "What'd I do?" "Your wife was here." "My wife?" "That's right, and just as a reminder, I have a wife," "I don't need to be lookin' at yours." "What'd she want?" "Oh, we had a very serious discussion." "She wants me to find you a different partner, thinks McNEIL'S a bad influence." "Oh yeah, and she'd like it if we were to call you "Terrence"" "from now on." "She thinks pip's undignified." "Oh, she wasn't really here." "Oh, Adina, oh yeah." "Look, I'm sorry, lieutenant." "It won't happen again." "Oh, that's all right, I know the kind of woman she is." "If she wants it to happen again, it's happenin'." "Terrence." "So, doesn't like me, huh?" "She likes you; she just doesn't like some of the stuff you do." "Mm-hmm." "And how would she know what I do unless, of course, you tell her?" "You know how it is." "No, I don't, pip, no, I don't." "Okay?" "We're partners." "Besides which, we're men." "Men are supposed to be able to share information with other men without having to worry about stuff getting leaked to the enemy." "That's what you're doin', you're leaking stuff to the enemy." "I am not!" "Yes, you are!" "You're wife was just here." "My wife doesn't even know where this building is." "Look, you don't understand the relationship." "Adina is a passionate woman." "You know what?" "You're the passionate woman." "You know what you need to do?" "You need to go home and get your balls out of her purse or wherever the hell she's keepin' 'em, slap 'em back on, and start screamin' bloody murder." "That's what you need to do, okay?" "Damn straight!" "Yeah." "I don't know what the hell she was thinkin' comin' down here." "I don't know." "I'm puttin' my foot down tonight." "And don't forget about your balls." "Them too." "Yeah!" "Hell yeah!" "Phone, Michael." "Can you take a message?" "Oh, I think you're gonna wanna take this one." "It's Elizabeth Hurley." "Yeah, I read in a fashion magazine where it's considered hip to wear the designer label on the sleeve." "I'm just telling you what I read." "Hey!" "Is there a lot of lesbians in the fashion world?" "Give me that." "Hello?" "Hey." "Sure, hang on." "Let me just get a pen here." "Okay." "Yeah." "Um, okay, yeah, I know where that is." "Okay, got it." "Well, thanks for calling." "Bye." "What the hell does she want?" "Elizabeth Hurley just asked me out to dinner tonight." "Oh yeah, daddy!" "What the hell is she havin' dinner with you for?" "I read somewhere where she's dating' Jason Laramie." "Who?" "He's a model, does underwear ads." "There's one where he's under a cliff with a spear gun, this other one he's up on this ship splashing' his self with water, you see him all the time in magazines like "in style."" "You read "in style" magazine?" "No." "You okay?" "What?" "You seem a little nervous." "Nervous?" "What would I be nervous about?" "How big's your penis?" "Your penis?" "My-my- do you serve subpoenas?" "Oh--I was a little mixed up there, I thought you said something else." "Hey, Donald!" "They told me you were here, you look great." "Thank you very much." "Um, Donald owns this restaurant." "Oh." "This is my friend mike McNEIL." "Hey." "So what's going on with you and Jason?" "Oh, well, we're not together at the moment." "Listen, are you bangin' her?" "Huh?" "Donald!" "Are you?" "No, we just met." "Well, call me, Liz." "Oh sure, thanks." "I've never called him in my life, okay?" "Okay." "So, you married?" "Yes, um, separated." "Oh, by what?" "She doesn't like my girlfriend." "I think we have something in common." "Me and my new boyfriend just separated." "Oh, he's the model guy, right?" "Yeah, but I didn't like his girlfriend either." "Yeah--most of those model guys are gay, right?" "Yeah, pretty much." "Yeah, I mean, not that I would know." "Just sometimes you drive by and you see those big billboard shots and it's like eight models and you can't tell the guys from the girls unless they have their shirts off, you know?" "Well, they're not cops, that's for sure." "No, they're not, they're not." "Most of 'em are short too, right?" "Do you want to see my tits?" "Do I what?" "Do you want to see me tits?" "Here, look, one of these horrid magazines... and look paparazzi caught me at st." "Bart's." "Doesn't that make you mad?" "Yeah, furious." "Then why are you showin' me?" "To torture you." "Do you think my nipples are too small?" "No, no, god no." "Angelina Jolie's are though." "Actually that's her brother." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "There you go." "Thank you." "That was fun." "Yeah, it was fun." "Um, I don't know what you're planning on doing right now, but do you wanna maybe get a nightcap?" "You're an angel." "Oh, wait, what is that?" "Ignore 'em." "Come on, guys, seriously." "Give her room." "Back up, all right?" "Come on!" "Um, hey, uh" "so?" "You're little tirade last night about me backing off and giving you your space at work and honoring the honesty of your partnership with McNEIL and not emasculating you-- yes?" "Because McNEIL has changed and is turning into a family man and has sobered up and has seen the-- what was it that you called it, the light?" "Right, the light." "Did you know about this?" "Look, honey, I told you before, we're men." "I can't be leaking information-- did you know about this?" "Yes." "Yes, I did." "Yeah?" "Hey, it's me." "Get up and get downstairs." "Why?" "There's a picture of you kissing Elizabeth Hurley on page ten of the daily news." "Oh." "Honey?" "Yeah?" "Hey, uh, I can explain this." "Well, I should hope so." "Yeah, I-- did you get a part in a movie or something?" "No, she's being stalked and I'm on the case and, uh, she was just thanking me for some stuff that, uh-- it's so funny." "What was she like?" "She, uh, she's, you know, she's nice." "She's, you know-- you're not mad?" "Why would I be mad?" "My mother called, Marcy perkis called, everyone thinks it's hilarious." "Why is it hilarious?" "Elizabeth Hurley's kissing you, I mean, come on." "I think it's cool, dad." "Thanks, pal." "She was in that bug movie." "That's right, she certainly was." "So you gonna see her again?" "Yeah, I mean probably, you know, for the case." "Here's a list." "It's, you know, only five names for autographs." "Okay." "So, uh, what, you don't think a woman like that could be attracted to me?" "Come on, sweety." "Honey, a lot of women are attracted to cops." "She's dating that-- what, that good looking guy with the ad with the spear there." "No, not anymore." "They broke up, okay?" "Plus, he's probably gay." "What?" "You actually came onto her, didn't you?" "No." "You actually came onto her." "No!" "Get out." "Get out." "Honey." "Get out." "Okay." "Don't forget those autographs." "Huh?" "Don't forget the autographs." "You think he tagged her?" "He's kissin' her, course he tagged her, he better give us the details." "If I tagged Liz Hurley, I'd be in times square with a megaphone the next morning giving details to the entire world." "I'd have videos, Polaroids, the whole nine yards." "If you had tagged Liz Hurley?" "It could happen under the right circumstances." "Like if she was drugged?" "For starters." "Hello?" "Hi!" "Hey." "Seen the papers?" "Yeah, pretty funny, huh?" "Honey-- funny?" "What's so funny about it?" "Wait, let me just explain, okay?" "You scumbag!" "No, no, no, she gave me a part in her movie." "Really?" "Yeah, they call it a cameo and, uh, you know, it's like a little walk-On thing." "How big of an idiot do you think I am?" "No, no, it's like walk-on part where I, you know, I-- just happen to kiss her on the mouth?" "That was an ad-lib, it was like an improv, actually, it was her idea." "Honey?" "Wha-- okay, okay, okay." "Hey." "Hi!" "I found out who left the doll." "Jason's girlfriend?" "Oh, yeah, how'd you know?" "He's here." "Oh." "Well, he saw that picture of us in the paper and, you know?" "Sorry." "Oh, no, no, that's good for you." "Thanks though." "You're welcome." "Can I ask you somethin'?" "Sure." "Last night, uh, this is gonna sound strange, but were you-- drunk?" "No, no, I just thought I was pickin' up a vibe that, uh, maybe you were... attracted to you?" "Yeah." "Is that what you thought?" "Yeah." "You are awfully sweet." "Bye, detective." "Hey." "Hey." "You must be" "Can't we watch somethin' else?" "Nah, this is great." "Hey, the giant mosquito." "Would you like a slice of pizza?" "Don't mind if I do." "Here you go, pal." "Thank you." "Are the beers cold yet?" "Hey look, you can see her nipples." "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god." "They're cold."