"Nero Wolfe is a creature of habit." "Every morning from 9:00 until 11:00 he tends to his 10,000 orchids and I, Archie Goodwin... his confidential secretary and legman extraordinaire... tend to business." "And since there wasn't any business to tend to" "I was preparing for action, if and when it ever came." "Nero Wolfe's office, Archie Goodwin speaking." "Hello there, this is Byne..." "Dinky Byne." "Uh, clear your throat or sneeze or something and start again." "That won't help." "My tubes are clogged." "Tubes clogged... understand?" "Dinky Byne, B-Y-N-E." "Oh, hello." "I'm not going to ask how you are, hearing how you sound." "Uh, my sympathy." "Oh, I need it." "I need more than sympathy, too." "I need help." "Will you do me a hell of a favor?" "I might, if I can do it sitting down and it won't cost me my teeth." "It won't cost you a thing." "You know my Aunt Louise, Mrs. Robert Robilotti?" "Well, I know her professionally only." "She hired Mr. Wolfe to do a job... recover some jewelry." "Well, that is, she hired him." "I did the work." "Anyway, I don't think she likes me." "She resented a remark I made." "Well, it won't matter." "She forgets remarks." "I suppose you know about the dinner party she gives every year for Grantham House... the charity for unwed mothers set up by my uncle" "Albert Grantham, now resting in peace." "Uh, sure I do." "Who doesn't?" "Well, it's today, 7:00." "My aunt has invited four young ladies and I'm supposed to be one of the chevaliers." "Hey, listen to me: you'd be perfect to take my place." "You know exactly how to treat the lady guests." "Well, your aunt didn't like me, see." "That won't matter." "She'd hate having only three chevaliers even more." "Black tie, 7:00, you know the address." "How about it, Archie?" "Well, I'm, uh..." "I'm chewing it over there, Dinky." "I'll do the same for you someday." "You can't." "I haven't got a billionaire aunt." "All right." "I accept, Dinky." "I'll be there." "Fine." "7:00, then." "I have to say I kind of liked the idea." "It would increase my knowledge of human nature." "What is this?" "What is this telephone number?" "Mrs. Robilotti?" "That's-that's the woman who didn't want to pay me." "That's where you can reach me tonight after 7:00." "Mr. Hewitt is coming this evening." "He's bringing a dindrobian." "He's coming to look at the reninthera." "You said you would be here." "Yes, yes, I know." "And I expected to, but, uh, there's an emergency." "I have to fill in for a friend at Mrs. Robilotti's annual dinner party for unwed mothers." "You've heard of the event?" "Oh, yes, yes." "Buffoonery." "A burlesque of hospitality." "You don't mean you're abetting it." "Well, abetting it, no." "But it might, uh, freshen my outlook, you know." "Broaden my mind a bit." "Archie?" "Yes, sir." "Do I ever intrude in your private affairs?" "Uh, yes, sir actually, frequently." "Uh, you think you don't, but you do so, go right ahead." "I'm not intruding;" "I merely suggest that you demean yourself." "These creatures are summoned there for the sole purpose of meeting a man who might pursue the acquaintance." "Therefore, your attendance there will be an imposture and you know it." "I doubt if you will ever let a woman plant a foot on your neck." "You'll be perpetuating a fraud." "I won't be perpetrating a fraud." "But don't be too sure I won't meet my doom." "It's a scientific fact that girls are more beautiful spiritual, more fascinating after they've had a baby and it would be an advantage to have the family already started." "Phooey." "How are you, Mr. Hackin?" "Very well, thank you, Mr. Goodwin." "How is Mrs. Robilotti?" "As kind and warmhearted as you remember, Mr. Goodwin." "Mr. Goodwin... my nephew, Austin Byne has he phoned you, and he gave you the details?" "I guess he did." "You guess he did?" "The voice said it was Byne but it could've been a seal trying to bark." "He had laryngitis." "He told you so." "Apparently you haven't changed any." "Of course it's not the usual thing of inviting a dinner guest to, uh, caution him about his conduct." "But for this occasion, some care is required." "You appreciate that?" "Certainly." "Tact and discretion are necessary." "I brought some along." "And of course, some refinement?" "Yeah, I borrowed some." "Mm... very well then." "Come with me." "She still didn't like me but she didn't have much of a choice unless she wanted an empty seat at the table." "I decided the best way to treat the girls was as an older brother who liked sisters and liked to kid them... with tact, discretion and refinement, of course." "Helen Yarmis was tall and slender... a little too slender... with a wide curved mouth that would've been a real asset if she kept the corners up." "I would've picked Faith Usher for my sister because she looked like she needed a brother more than the others... she was very attractive but doing her best to cancel her advantages by letting her shoulders sag and keeping her face tight." "Ethel Varr was the one I would've picked for my doom if I had been shopping." "She was not a head-turner but had one of those complex faces you can't stop looking at." "Rose Tuttle showed no signs of needing a brother at all." "She'd been born cheerful and it would take more than an accidental baby to smother it." "Goodwin?" "That's your name?" "Yes, Archie Goodwin." "I was wondering because Mrs. Robilotti said I was going to sit between Mr. Edwin Laidlaw and Mr. Austin Byne but now your name's Goodwin." "The other day I was telling a friend of mine about coming here to this party?" "And she said there ought to be unmarried fathers here, too." "And you seem to have changed your name." "Are you an unmarried father?" "Uh, well, I'm half of that... unmarried." "Yeah, but not, as far as I know, a father." "Mr. Byne asked if I would fill in for him." "He's under the weather." "His bad luck and my good luck." "I was telling my friend that if all society men are like the ones that were here the other time we weren't missing anything." "But they aren't... anyway... uh, you aren't." "Not at all, no, no." "But I-I don't want to mix you up." "See, I'm not society." "I'm a working man." "Oh... well, yeah, that explains it." "What kind of work?" "Well, you might say I'm in the business of trouble-shooting." "Yes, yeah, I work for a man named Nero Wolfe." "You may have heard of him?" "Oh, you're adetective?" "I am when I'm working, but tonight I'm not working, I'm playing." "And I'm-I'm having a nice..." "Ohh." "Look, more oysters." "Thank you." "Excuse me." "You just... got a little oyster..." "I don't know how it got there." "Me, neither." "Excuse me." "I hope you won't mind a personal remark." "Well, I'll try not to." "I can't promise until I hear it." "Well, I'll take a chance." "Just in case you might've caught me staring at you" "I wanted to explain why." "Well, I don't know." "Maybe you better not." "Maybe I'd rather think you stared just because you wanted to." "Well, no, you can think that, too." "No, it's just that, uh" "I was trying to catch your face looking the same way twice." "If you turn your head just a little one way or the other, it's a different face." "Has anyone ever mentioned that to you?" "You know, I'm only 19 years old." "I haven't learned how to take things yet but I suppose I will." "Yes... someone did mention that to me once... about my face." "More than once." "You know, I" " I wouldn't have mentioned it if I had thought there was anything touchy about it." "So..." "I think you ought to get even." "You know, I'm touchy about horses." "You know, 'cause once my-my leg got caught in the stirrup when I was trying to get off." "So you could... you could start with that." "Well, so much for tact, discretion and refinement." "Ladies, shall we freshen up?" "After dinner, the women left to freshen up before the dance and I had a chance to get better acquainted with the men." "Mrs. Louise Grantham, widow had acquired Robert Robilotti in Italy and brought him back with her luggage." "Beverly Kent, of the Rhode Island Kents... if that means anything to you... it didn't to me... he followed the family tradition and went into diplomatic service." "Edwin Laidlaw used to be pretty loose around town but three years ago his father died and he inherited $10 million which he used to buy a book publishing company." "Cecil Grantham, Louise's son had a trust controlled by his mother and had to watch his budget." "Supposedly he wanted to do something to earn some money but just couldn't find any spare time." "Paul Schuster turned down a clerkship with a Supreme Court Justice to join a Wall Street law firm instead trading the honor for a lot more money." "The, uh... last two hours are the hardest." "Some brandy, Hackett." "The cabinet is locked, sir." "I know it is, but you have a key, no?" "Oh, no, sir." "Mrs. Robilotti has the key, sir." "Oh, please, Hackett." "Well, get a hatchet, Hackett." "Well, a little deprivation will be good for us, Mr. Robilotti." "After all, we all understood the protocol when we accepted the invitation." "Not protocol." "That's not what protocol means." "Why, I'm surprised at you, Kent." "You'll never become an ambassador if that's what you think protocol is." "What do you know about it, Schuster?" "Not much." "I don't know much about it." "But I do know what it means, and you use it wrong." "I can settle this." "Now that I'm a publisher I'm the last word on words." "You're both right" ""protocol" can be a document, an agreement or it can be rules of etiquette." "This affair seems to require a special etiquette." "I'm for Paul... locking up the booze doesn't come under etiquette;" "it comes under tyranny." "What about you, Goodwin?" "You're a detective." "Perhaps you could detect the answer." "Get a dictionary." "There's one upstairs in the library." "But if it's brandy that you need and the cabinet's closed well, it seems the best plan is to go to a liquor store." "One of us could go." "It's on the corner of 82nd and Madison." "Say we toss a coin?" "Ah, the practical man." "The man of action." "You notice he knows where the dictionary is and where the liquor store is?" "Detectives... they know everything." "Oh, by the way, speaking of detectives are you here professionally?" "If I were, would I say?" "Well, I suppose you'd say you weren't." "And if I weren't, what would I say?" "Shall we join the others for the dance?" "Gentlemen, please." "As a dancing partner, Rose was not a bargain." "She was equipped for it physically but she danced cheerfully." "You can't dance cheerfully; dancing's too important." "Helen would've been a good dancer if she wasn't so solemn." "She was a good size for me, too." "I danced with Ethel and was tactful, discreet and refined." "I didn't step on her toes once and I certainly didn't say anything about her face." "I'd met Celia Grantham, Cecil's sister, four times." "The fourth was a date to the Flamingo Club." "She was a good dancer, but she was also a very good drinker." "Archie." "How are you going to avoid dancing with me?" "Easy, say my feet hurt and take off my shoes." "You wouldn't, would you?" "Sure, I would." "You really would?" "Just let me suffer?" "Will I never be in your arms again?" "Must I carry my heartache to the grave?" "Excuse me." "If you ask Mr. Goodwin, I don't blame you." "He's the only one here who can dance." "No, I'm not asking him to dance." "I just want to, uh, tell him something." "Well, go ahead." "It's, uh... it's private." "Oh, that's really rich." "That would've taken me at least a hundred words and you did it in two." "That's very good." "There's something I thought you should know because you're a detective." "I... well, I'm not here as a detective, Miss Tuttle." "But you are a detective... and if something awful happened and I hadn't told anybody" "I would blame myself." "Now why should something bad happen?" "Faith Usher still has that bottle of cyanide in her purse the one she carried around at Grantham House." "Faith told us then she hadn't decided whether to kill herself or not but she might, so she kept it handy." "And?" "And, what?" "Well, I mean, uh... is that all?" "I think that's enough." "If you knew Faith like I do this is where she'd do it if she ever does." "It's in that bag." "Over there." "I see." "Now you just forget about it, all right?" "I'll make sure nothing bad happens." "Would you like to dance?" "All right, somebody call a doctor." "A doctor?" "Why don't you do something?" "Well, I can't." "She's dead." "Rose, you go guard that bag." "You stay right by that bag." "Now do I call the police, or do you?" "Police?" "I give the orders here." "I will call the police myself when I think it's necessary." "You want to stay here all night?" "No." "I think she was murdered." "If the cops think the same, you know what that means." "So the sey get here, the better." "Now use the phone that's in the hall." "Yes, sir." "Halt!" "Robbie uh, Cecil, stop him." "Go." "Leave my house!" "I'd love to leave your house but if I did, the cops would drag me right back." "Nobody's going to be leaving your house for a while." "It's no use, Louise." "Go sit..." "Why do you think she was murdered?" "I'll save my reason for the police." "Mr. Robilotti?" "Si." "I'm Roberto Robilotti." "Is this your house, sir?" "Yes." "No!" "It's my house." "You are disheveled." "Yes, sir." "Also, disgruntled." "Also, disslumbered." "The paper say Faith Usher was murdered?" "No, they say that she was poisoned and that the police are investigating." "Your name is not mentioned." "Are you involved?" "Up to my chin." "So I told him all about the guests and about the cyanide in Faith's bag and that I was watching both her and her bag most of the evening." "I knew she hadn't put cyanide in her drink but I was the only one who thought so." "...kill herself numerous times." "This girl I was sitting with gave me the warning..." "I looked at the bag." "The bag was over to my left..." "Problem is is that I saw exactly where she was." "She got a glass of champagne..." "Something didn't seem right." "So I kept my eyes on her." "She was sitting over there." "The bag was right there." "I got back up again..." "Anyway, uh..." "Mrs. Robilotti would love to choke me." "And some of the others that were there would be glad to lend a hand." "Suicide at a party would be bad enough but homicide is murder." "So I'm involved." "You are, indeed." "I suppose... you've considered whether it would be well for you to reserve your conclusion." "Uh, sure, I considered it." "But I had to include that I had been told that she had a bottle of cyanide in her bag... since the girl who told me would have certainly included it." "Then the police would know damn well that given that, I would've had my eyes open." "Then you're in for it." "I take it we can expect no profitable engagement." "Well, God knows, not from Mrs. Robilotti." "Indeed." "You may remember my remarks yesterday." "Yes." "You said I would demean myself." "You did not say I would be involved in an unprofitable homicide." "You should go to bed." "If I did, it would take a guided missile to get me up again." "Oh, no, no, no." "Don't jump up." "I'll get it." "All right." "All right." "Don't you ever sleep, Lieutenant?" "Not much!" "Cramer!" "Don't you er learn?" "Don't you know he hates to have anyone march in on him?" "Even you... 'specially you." "You only make it harder." "All right?" "Isn't it me you want anyway?" "Yes, but I want Wolfe to hear this." "Uh, of course you do." "Otherwise, you would have sent for me." "Now if you just give me a chance..." "God damn it." "Come in here." "I cannot read my mail in an uproar." "Now what do you want?" "I know Goodwin is your man." "But I want you to understand the situation." "There is not a thing, not a word in what any of the others have said that rules out suicide." "And there's a lot that makes suicide plausible." "What I'm saying is, that if it wasn't for him suicide would be a reasonable assumption." "You see what that means?" "Yeah, yeah." "I'm the fly in the soup." "I don't like it any better than you do, all right?" "Faith Usher had been talking about killing herself for a while." "There was cyanide in her purse and cyanide in her drink." "What's the mystery?" "I don't say she might not have committed suicide." "I only say she didn't." "Look, I got good eyes." "She was 20 feet away from me." "Now, when she took that champagne glass by the stem from Grantham, her left hand was in her lap." "She lifted it." "So she never had a chance to put the cyanide in it." "Oh, so you're saying that Cecil Grantham killed her?" "Okay." "The two glasses that Cecil Grantham had were poured by the butler." "Grantham had one glass in each hand." "So how did he put the poison in?" "And if it was the butler how did he know which one she'd get?" "I" " I never implied that I had the slightest notion of who did it, how, or why." "I'm only saying that Faith Usher put nothing whatsoever in her glass of champagne." "So you won't discuss it, huh?" "I won't?" "What are we doing?" "I'm going to tell you exactly what I think." "You often have." "I think Rose Tuttle told Goodwin to watch the bag." "And he told her to forget it... that he would make sure that nothing happened." "Well, something did." "Well, you know him, and so do I." "You know how much he likes himself." "So he says that she was murdered to cover the fact that he bungled it." "Archie?" "Well, nobody likes me more than I do, but I'm not that far gone." "You're maintaining your position?" "Yes." "I think you're wasting your time, Mr. Cramer." "And mine." "Well, hey, hey, hey." "I'm not taking this as final, Goodwin." "And I mean that." "You know... and of course we're going to continue on with this investigation." "Mr. Laidlaw." "Mr. Goodwin, I..." "Is this something you want Inspector Cramer of Homicide to know about?" "No." "Then you wait in here." "Nuts." "Archie, I have one remark to make." "To bedevil Mr. Cramer for a purpose is one thing but to do so merely for a pastime is another." "Yes, sir, I wouldn't dream of it." "You're asking if my position with you privately is the same as it was with him?" "The answer is yes." "Very well." "Then he's in a pickle." "Yes, well, someone else is, too, apparently." "Uh, Edwin Laidlaw is in the front room." "Now I could talk to him there, but I thought I should tell you in case you might want to, uh, sit in or stand in at the hole." "Phooey." "Yeah, I know." "I don't want to shove it but we haven't had a case in two weeks." "And... this could be one." "Confound it." "Mr. Laidlaw." "What can I do for you?" "Goodwin, I want to ask you a straight question." "The police and the District Attorney would be happy to call Faith's death a suicide except for something you told them." "I wanna know." "Why do you think it was murder?" "I've told the police, the D.A. and Mr. Wolfe." "At the present, that's enough." "And you won't tell me." "At the moment, no... rules of etiquette." "You're in the detective business, Goodwin." "People hire you to get information for them and they pay for it." "So I will pay for it." "I'll give you $5,000 in cash to tell me what your reasons are." "That five grand would suit me fine since the salary I make from Wolfe is far from extravagant, actually." "But even if you doubled it, I'd still say no." "I see." "I want to see Wolfe." "With him, you never know." "Sorry about the crack about salary." "I forgot you were listening." "Your memory's excellent." "You shouldn't disparage it." "What does this man want from me?" "I don't know." "Maybe he wants to publish your autobiography." "Mr. Laidlaw." "What do you want, Mr. Laidlaw?" "To engage you professionally." "You prefer ypur retainer in cash or check?" "Neither until I accept the engagement." "I want to know why the police don't believe that Faith Usher killed herself." "I want all the information on the situation you can gather." "Indeed." "Mr. Goodwin has told me of your proposal to him." "I am at a loss whether to respect your doggedness or to deploy your naiveté." "In any case, I must decline your engagement." "I already have the information you're after but I got it from Mr. Goodwin in confidence and may not disclose it." "In the name of God, what's so top secret about it?" "What are you afraid of?" "I'm not afraid, Mr. Laidlaw, merely discreet." "If $20,000 isn't enough for retainer and expenses say so." "You have a reputation as a wizard, and God knows, I need one." "I want you to see to it that a certain event in my life doesn't come to light and that I don't get arrested for murder." "I can guarantee against neither contingency." "I don't expect you to." "I don't expect miracles, either." "But if Faith Usher was murdered and the police keep investigating they will run across a certain event, and I might get charged with murder." "It must be an extraordinary event." "I'm desperate, Wolfe." "I admit it." "I'm not proud of this... but I'm going to tell you." "I used to buy my flowers at Cordoni's on Madison." "Faith worked there as a clerk, and we became friends." "In those days..." "I was irresponsible." "She was attractive, and after several dates..." "I convinced her to take a vacation with me to Canada." "After we got back, I lost track of her." "She left her job at Cordoni's." "And it wasn't until my friend, Dinky Byne told me that he'd seen her at Grantham House that I knew anything." "I arranged a meeting." "When I saw her, she told me that I was the father of her child." "That I was a mistake that she would never forgive herself for and that she only wanted to blot me out." "Those were her words: "blot you out. "" "That's why I'm convinced she killed herself." "I hope the God it wasn't seeing me again last night that made her do it." "Did Mr. Byne know that the two of you had been intimate?" "No." "No one did." "Did you know that she was going to be there before you went?" "If I had, I wouldn't have gone." "Did she know you were going to be there?" "I doubt it." "If she had she wouldn't have gone either." "Then this is a remarkable coincidence." "In a world that operates largely at random coincidences are to be expected but each one of them must always be mistrusted." "Mr. Laidlaw, if I proceed, I can do your job only by:" " proving that Faith Usher committed suicide and that Mr. Goodwin is wrong." "Or B:- by identifying and exposing the murderer." "Now, this would be a laborious and expensive undertaking and I would ask you to sign a memorandum stating that no matter who the murderer is if I expose him, you'll pay my fee." "I'll sign it." "Then that's understood?" "Archie, you will draw up the memorandum and you will go tomorrow morning to Grantham House and find out everything you can about Faith Usher." "Good day." "Hello." "Austin Byne?" "Who is this?" "Hello, Dinky." "It's Archie Goodwin calling." "Oh..." "I've been expecting this." "Calling to give me hell for getting you into this mess?" "I don't blame you." "Go on, say it." "Well, I could, but, uh..." "I have another idea." "See, I need to run up to Grantham House and I need an introduction and you're going to give it to me." "Uh..." "I can't do that." "Oh, why not?" "Well, I mean, I'm not in a position to." "It might look as if I..." "I just can't do that." "I see." "All right." "Well, just forget it, you know." "I'll just feed my other curiosities, and I have plenty." "Like... why you faked a cold, for instance." "And, you know, I haven't told the cops about it and..." "I guess I will, and I'll ask them to ask you about it." "I had a cold." "I wasn't faking it." "Say hello to the police for me." "No, wait, wait." "Archie, Archie..." "Don't hang up." "Come to my apartment." "I need to talk to you." "I am genuinely deeply sorry I got you into this mess." "But quite frankly, after reading this morning's papers... help yourself..." "I'm glad I missed it." "Welcome to Dinky's Den." "Well, congratulations." "I didn't enjoy it much myself." "Uh, listen, next time you want to skip out on something try food poisoning." "It involves less acting." "You've convinced yourself I was faking." "I sure have." "You say you didn't tell the cops." "Did you tell my aunt?" "No." "Certainly not her." "I was doing you a favor, wasn't I?" "Thanks, Archie." "I appreciate that." "To tell the truth, I'm in a bit of a mess myself." "I will be if you like to see me squirm." "Well, it depends on what kind of a squirmier you are." "What are you asking?" "Don't tell anyone... especially my aunt that I faked my way out of it." "It's just I'm so tired of going to those dinners." "Ansides, I was up all night the night before playing poker." "I was in no shape to go." "So why did you ask me?" "Well, the first two candidates" "I called were out of town." "And the next three all had dates." "Then I thought of you." "I knew you could handle yourself inany situation and you met my aunt." "So I called you and you were just big-hearted enough to say yes." "Okay, we'll swap." "I'll keep quiet, and you get me an audience at Grantham House." "I told you on the phone I can't do that, Archie." "Yeah, then I was asking you a favor." "Now I'm making a deal." "I need a drink." "I just had a little chat with Dinky Byne." "We made a deal: he gets me into Grantham House and I don't tell his aunt he was faking the cold." "Nothing is as pitiable as a man afraid of a woman." "Is he guileless?" "I would reserve it, but he's not a dope." "He might have known that someone was going to kill Faith Usher and make it look like a suicide." "So he wanted someone there alert, brainy, observant." "He got me... you know, to spot it." "And now he's counting on me, with your help to nail him or her, whoever did it." "But, uh, I don't know." "You know, maybe he's on the level, old Dinky and just merely... pitiable." "Yeah, well, you are only acquaintances." "Therefore, his selecting you to take his place is suggestive, per se." "Well, certainly." "But you have formed no conclusion?" "No, sir." "Question mark." "Very well." "Phooey." "Afraid of a woman." "Hello." "Was that you?" "According to the newspapers there was an Archie Goodwin at that party at Mrs. Robilotti's." "Yes, it was me." "The paper also said that, uh..." "Hi, very cute." "Thank you." "It also said that I worked for a private detective named Nero Wolfe." "I know it did." "Could we..." "Mrs. Irwin had me at a disadvantage." "She reminded me of Miss Clark, my high school English teacher and Miss Clark always had my number." "Did Mrs. Robilotti send you here?" "Heavens, no." "If she knew I were here trying to get support for my belief that Faith killed herself, I think she'd have a fit." "Now, if you prefer suicide over murder as she does well, then I've wasted a lot of gas driving up here, I'll tell you that." "I don't." "Well, good." "Good for you." "The reason I doubt she killed herself was she still had that bottle of poison." "You see, for Faith, that bottle of poison was merely an enemy she was determined to get rid of." "It was death and she was going to conquer it." "She had a spirit down deep that showed sometimes in a flash in her eyes." "You should've seen that flash." "Well, I did see that flash actually." "I saw it Tuesday night when I was dancing with her." "Then she still had it and she didn't kill herself." "Who picks the girls that are to be invited to the annual dinner?" "When Mr. Grantham was alive, I did." "A few years after his death, Mrs. Grantham did on information I gave her." "For the past two years, it was Mr. Byne and he consults me." "Mr. Byne didn't tell me that." "If you don't mind telling me how is it you come to select the girls?" "I make a list based on the girls that were here in the past year." "On what Mr. Byne bases his selections after that I couldn't tell you." "Did Faith ever tell you who was responsible for her being here?" "No, she never spoke a word about him." "And I doubt she did to any of the girls." "But she did speak to me a great deal and I formed three conclusions from what she told me." "One was that she had only one sexual encounter with a man." "Another conclusion was that she probably never knew her father and didn't even know who he was." "Hmm, and the third?" "That her mother was still alive, and that Faith hated her." "What's this crap about murder?" "My aunt says you're saying Faith Usher was murdered and on account of that the police won't accept the fact it was suicide." "What did you tell them?" "Get the cops to tell you, but I'll tell you this if my statement is all that keeps them from calling it a suicide" "I'm the goat." "I'll be responsible for a lot of trouble for the whole bunch of them." "I don't like it; can't help it." "I'm doing a little checking on my own, see." "Checking on what?" "For example, if someone intended to kill" "Faith Usher at the party he would have to know she was there, see?" "So, I asked Miss Irwin who invited her to the party." "And she told me and that was certainly no help because that was you." "And you weren't even there." "All I did was select four names from the list" "Mrs. Irwin gave me." "I had no personal knowledge of any of the girls." "I don't suppose there was someone who might have been with you when you were selecting the names who might've said, "Oh, look at that name." ""Faith Usher." ""That's a nice, unusual name." "Why don't we ask her to come?"" "No one was with me." "What the hell are you driving at anyway?" "What am I driving at?" "My aunt has his idea of it." "You sold the police on your murder theory." "And if they make things unpleasant enough for her and her guests, you and Wolfe might figure she'd be willing to make a big contribution to help you remember something that would help change their minds." "Well, it's an idea, but if I remembered something now that wasn't in my statement to the cops no contribution from your aunt would be big enough to save the hide that the cops would peel off me." "You know, you keep harping on that damn statement." "What's in it?" "!" "He didn't go so far as to make a cash offer for the information but appealed to everything from my herd instinct to my better nature." "I would've let him go on if I hadn't known that company was expected at the office at 6:00 and I didn't want to be too late." "Archie." "We were just exchanging civilities." "Have you anything to report?" "Uh, nothing that can't wait." "He is still afraid of a woman." "Well, I thank you ladies for coming." "You were under no obligation." "The opinion expressed by" "Mr. Goodwin that Miss Usher had been murdered has produced some complications." "I told him that Faith might take that poison right there and he said he would see that nothing happened but it did." "Yes, he has told me that." "but Mr. Goodwin still believes that someone else put the poison in Miss Usher's champagne." "Do you disagree?" "I don't know." "I thought she might do it but I didn't see her." "Now, I've answered so many questions about it" "I don't know what to think." "Miss Varr." "I" " I, I don't think that Faith killed herself." "You don't, Miss Varr." "Why not?" "Because I was looking right at her." "If she'd put anythng ini champagne, I'd have seen it." "The police have been trying to get me to say" "Mr. Goodwin told me to say that but I keep telling them he didn't." "He hasn't had the chance." "Have you, Mr. Goodwin?" "Of course not." "And if I may make a personal remark you told me at dinner that you were only 19 and hadn't learned how to take things." "But you certainly have learned how to take your ground and stand on it." "Now, Mr. Wolfe it wouldn't hurt any if you told Miss Varr her performance is satisfactory." "Yes, indeed, Miss Varr." "It's quite satisfactory, indeed." "Thank you." "Miss Yarmis?" "I think Faith killed herself." "I told her it was dumb to take the poison along to a party where we're supposed to be having a good time but I saw it in her bag." "Now, why should she take it along to a party like that if she wasn't going to use it?" "When did you tell her not to take the poison along?" "When we were dressing for the party." "See, we've been living together in an apartment for the last seven months... it's not very big." "Just a little bathroom down the hallway." "During the seven months that you lived with Miss Usher did she have any callers?" "She never had any." "Do you mean to say that she had no friends... men or women?" "I never saw any." "She never even had a date; she never even got any phone calls." "I used to tell her, "Faith, that's no way to live just crawling around like a worm like that. "" "Did she get any mail?" "I don't think so." "You know, this is all kind of funny, Mr. Wolfe." "I can answer all these questions without even thinking about them because they're the same questions thpolice have been asking." "Even the same words." "I could've given her a big hug." "Anyone who takes Wolfe down a peg renders a service to the balance of nature." "Every investigator follows a routine to a point, Miss Yarmis." "Beyond that point, there comes the opportunity for talent, if any is at hand." "Perhaps it is not outside my capacity to contrive a question that will not parrot the police." "I'll try." "Okay." "Do you mean to tell me that in the seven months that you lived with Miss Usher you have no inkling of any social or personal contact that she might have had, aside from her work?" "She went to night school." "She was going to be a secretary." "No, aside from her work." "Not her work or- or night school." "With any of her fellow beings?" "Oh, well, they never asked that." "What's an inkling?" "It's an intimation." "A hint." "I knew what an inkling was." "Me, too." "No, she never had anything like that." "I don't remember any hints." "Did she never account for a headache or a fit of ill humor after telling of an encounter she had with..." "An encounter is a face-to-face meeting." "No, no." "Faith's never had any headaches." "Except once she come home from work." "I tried to make her take some aspirin but she said it wouldn't do any good." "Then she asked me if I had a mother and I said" ""Yeah, my mother was dead. "" "And she said she wished hers were, too." "Faith said she met her mother on the street, there'd been a scene." "She had to run to get away from her." "That was an encounter, wasn't it?" "Yes, it was." "What else did she say about that?" "Well, that was all." "She never mentioned her again." "Do any of you know anything about any of the other eight people at the party that might suggest a reason why one of them wanted Miss Usher to die?" "I don't." "Me, neither." "The only, uh, the only connection I can think of is Mrs. Robilotti." "She came to see us at Grantham House." "Faith didn't like her very much." "Who did?" "Was there something definite" "Miss Yarmis between Miss Usher and Mrs. Robilotti?" "Oh, no." "Faith never said anything to her at all." "Neither did I." "She just thought we were a couple of harlots that's all." "I thank you very much for coming, ladies." "We've seemed to have made little progress but at least I have seen you and talked to you." "Well, one thing I don't see." "How Mr. Goodwin said he wasn't there as a detective." "But he is a detective and I told him about Faith having the poison in her purse." "And I should think he ought to know exactly what happened." "I didn't think anybody could commit a murder with a detective right there." "Where are you going?" "A very superficial and half-baked way to look at it, I thought." "I didn't look at Wolfe to see if he thought the same thing." "Nero Wolfe's office, Archie Goodwin speaking." "Yes, Mr. Schuster, what can I do for you?" "When, a little after 10:00 Friday morning" "Paul Schuster phoned to say that he and Grantham and Laidlaw and Kent wanted to see Wolfe and the sooner the better..." "I broke two of Wolfe's standing rules." "...disturb me in the plant rooms only for emergencies." "I looked up the word "emergency" in the dictionary." "It means, "An unforeseen combination of circumstances which requires immediate action. "" "You want to argue with the dictionary or with me?" "We do not claim to have evidence that you have done anything actionable." "But it is a fact that we've been injured and if you are responsible for that injury, then... it may become a matter of law." "I would expect it to, Mr. Schuster." "A murder investigation is commonly regarded as a question of law." "But why are you here?" "To buy me off?" "To bully me?" "To dispute my ground?" "What are you after?" "Damn it, what are you after?" "That's the point." "Why did you send your man to question my butler and..." "Shut up, Cecil." "Let Paul tell him." "Your insinuation that we have entered into a conspiracy to buy you off or bully you is totally unwarranted." "We came here because we believe, with reason that our rights of privacy are being violated without provocation or just cause and that you are responsible." "I see." "And, uh, do you all share this feeling?" "Well, I sure do." "As do I." "I don't have enough information yet but I have reason to suspect." "Naturally he handled it pretty well, I thought." "He had to be with them since if he had refused to join in the attack they would've wondered why." "We doubt you can justify your actions, Mr. Wolfe." "But we thought we would give you a chance to do so before we considered what steps we may take legally." "Pfooey!" "An expression of contempt is hardly an adequate justification, Mr. Wolfe." "I didn't intend it to be, sir." "This is futile, gentlemen." "Uh, both for you and for me." "You want to put a stop to your involvement in a murder inquiry and my concern is to involve you as deeply as possible." "The innocent along with the guilty." "I want to know if one of you has buried in his past a fact that will account for resorting to murder to get rid of Faith Usher and if so, which?" "Manifestly, you are not going to sit here and submit yourselves to a day-long inquisition." "And even if you did the likelihood that one of you would betray the existence of such a fact is minute." "So, as I say this is futile for you and for me." "I wish you good day, only as a matter of form." "Subtitles by Brainquake."