"Today you are full-fledged ensigns." "Three months ago, you assembled here from all walks of life,   field, factory, office and college." "Each of you knew what the fighting was about." "Each of you knew that the American way of life must be defended." "From here on, your education must continue in the school of war." "As an ensign in the United States Navy,   you go down to the sea to fight in the toughest conflict of all time." "We Americans are confident that you will serve the Navy with honour." "Good luck and good hunting." "Willie, over here!" " Darling, I'm so proud of you." " Congratulations, Willie." "I hope the Navy makes full use of your abilities." "Perhaps I could help you be placed somewhere else." "Good luck for now." "Mother, I'll have to skip your party tonight." "The fellas are celebrating." "But the party's in your honour." "Your friends will forgive you." "You can call them from the house." "I'll see you at ten." "May ..." " You were wonderful." " Your mother let you out?" "I had to be with her." "I should have told you yesterday." "I'm sorry." " Get me a drink, then we'll fight." " Leo, two Scotch and waters." "Let's not spoil the night." "I've only got a couple of days left." " I'm leaving Sunday." " How do you expect me to feel?" "You left me standing there alone." "why couldn't I meet your mother?" " There's a time for everything." " I'm sure." "To the most important woman in your life ..." "Mom." " May, stop it." " I'm sorry, Willie." "I didn't mean to ruin your evening." "I just bruise easily." "what do we do to celebrate?" "we can go to the Fairmont ..." "Or we don't have to go to a club." " Meaning what?" " I've only got 48 hours." " Willie, don't." " May, I love you." "All right." "will you marry me?" "If there were more time ..." "I didn't expect you to." "I forgot who I was." "Just another nightclub singer for a big weekend." "I don't want any more of it." "Not another minute." " Good luck, Mr Keith." " Thanks, George." "Goodbye, Mother." "Cable me from Pearl Harbour." "Your ship's been in lots of battles." "Do you have enough spending money?" "You'd better take this extra $100." " Mother, please don't cry." " You're all I have left." "Promise me you'll be careful." "Don't volunteer or do anything dangerous." "I won't." "I promise." "Goodbye, sweetheart." "Request permission to come on board." " The Caine's a real beauty." " The Caine is the inboard ship." "This way, Keith." "watch that enthusiasm." "This is the Caine." " I'm sorry, I lost my footing." " This is Lieutenant Tom Keefer." "Your orders." "They transform ex-civilians into men without minds." " I hate to do this to you." " Gangway, lady with a baby!" "Meatball, Horrible, pick up Mr Keith's gear." "This is our executive officer, Steve Maryk." "Steve's the guy who gets things done." "Come on, let's meet the captain." " watch your feet, sir!" " Come on, Keith!" "It's a mistake scraping this ship." "The rust is keeping the water out." " what do you want?" " He's here, sir." " Bring him in." " In here, Keith." "Captain DeVriess, this is Ensign Keith." "May I see your orders, or are they a military secret?" "I'm sorry, sir." "Princeton, 1941 ..." "Top five percent in midshipman's school ..." "Pretty good background, pretty good record." " Disappointed it's a minesweeper?" " To be honest, yes, sir." " You saw yourself on a battleship?" " I had hoped that ..." "I only hope that you're good enough for the Caine." " I'll try to be worthy of the job." " The Caine is a beaten-up tub." "After 18 months of combat, it takes 24 hours a day to keep her together." "I don't think you understand." "You're in the junkyard navy." "Steve, put in with Keefer in Communications,   and have Tom show this Princeton Tiger and the other ensign the ship." "And Keith ..." "Don't take it so hard." "war is hell." " Ensign Keith, Ensign Harding." " My condolences." "Let's get with it." "The USS Caine is a minesweeper." "These paravanes carry sweep wires off both sides of the ship." "The wire saws the mine in two." "we've been in combat a year and a half, and we've never swept a mine." "This ship was designed by geniuses to be run by idiots." "This is the engine room." "To operate, all you need is a monkey." "99 percent of what we do is routine, one percent requires intelligence." " That does it." "Any more questions?" " where do we go to surrender?" " It's not that easy." " You don't like the Navy." "Just one more thing to do." "Climb the mast." "what for?" "A tour is from the keel to the foretop." "That's the foretop." "I'm very fond of my wife and kid." "I'll probably never see them again." "well done!" " I'm glad he liked it." " Yeah." "Keith, I'm gonna be sick." "I'm sorry." "Height bothers me." "Those poor sailors down there." " This is the only hat I've got." " I have two others." "That's darn cordial of you." "what's keeping you up there?" "Lunch!" " Excuse me, sir." " It's all right." "Now that you've studied the Caine up close, do you like her better?" " The tour was very interesting." " Is the ship too messy for you?" "The question is, "Is this mess a ship?"" "It's decent of you to join us." "I didn't think you had time." "Even the greatest of literary artists gets hungry." "Pull up a chair, Tom, and cast some pearls before the swine." "I have to protect these fresh young faces from the captain's badgering." "I'm just conducting a one-man board of inquiry." "I'm trying to find out if Ensign Keith wants to stay on board." "There is no escape from the Caine." "we are all doing penance." "Sentenced to an outcast ship, manned by outcasts, named after an outcast." " Here we go again." " It's a fact." "I've been trying for two years to be relieved of command without luck." "But then ..." "I don't have Ensign Keith's influence." "I don't understand." "I received this dispatch from Admiral wards about an hour ago." ""will request transfer to my staff for Ensign willis Steward Keith."" ""Understand of course needs of USS Caine have priority."" " I didn't know anything about this." " Could be coincidence." "Or someone pulling strings." "what'll it be?" "The admiral's staff or the hell of the Caine?" " I don't know." " Do you want to fight a war?" " He shouldn't have to decide here." " A good officer would be able to." " Come on, we haven't got all day." " well, sir ..." " I'll stay on board, sir." " That takes care of that." "You will live to regret this day." "Sir, I spotted a Japanese aircraft off the starboard bow." "Angle 20." "See him?" "If you stay ten years, you may learn to tell an aircraft from a seagull." "Man all stations for minesweeping drill." "Launch sweep gear." "Port paravanes in the water." " That was a lousy performance." " Stand by to stream starboard side." "Retrieve sweep gear." "Snap it up." "The Jones is beating us." " Stop the engines." "Get me a line." " The water's full of sharks." " Stand by the line." " Yes, sir." "This dispatch just arrived." "I'll take care of it right away." "Haul away!" "Lead the line outboard of everything." "Report float recovered." "The Jones never could beat us." "You pooped out!" "we streamed three minutes quicker at Guadalcanal." "You must love that guy to do what you did for him." "Go dry yourself, Keith." " Is that you, Willie?" " Yeah." "Didn't you go to Princeton?" "Maybe I'll let you read some of my novel." " Your opinion might be valuable." " Thanks." "Horrible, pick up those orange peels." "Meatball, laugh once more and you're in trouble." "Ensign Keith, report to the captain's cabin." "On the double." "These 90-day wonders." "They all think they're five-star admirals." "Come in." "Three days ago, this ship received a dispatch addressed to us for action." " Smitty says he gave it to you." " Yes, sir." "I forgot about it." " Did you decode the message?" " No, sir." " It's incredible stupidity ..." " I had it done for you." " That'll be all, Smitty." " Yes, sir." "Keith." "Do you know how serious misplacing an action dispatch can be?" "I don't think you do." "This ship might have failed to carry out a combat assignment." "I'd bear the full responsibility in a court martial." "I understand, sir." "I've been filling out officers' fitness reports." " How should this affect yours?" " Anyone can make a mistake." "There are mistakes and mistakes." "The margin for error is narrow here." "There's too much loss of life and property damage possible." "Here." "Read it." ""Ensign Keith seems a fairly bright young man."" ""He may become a competent officer once he overcomes   a careless approach to his duties."" " Is it unfair?" " Sir, if I may be permitted ..." "I made a mistake, but I don't think I should be singled out for it." "The Caine's a slack ship." "The decks look like a Singapore junk." "You must also strongly disapprove of me." " Go ahead, man to man." " I'm in no position to judge." "My conception of a captain is different from yours." "I'll take it under advisement." "Since you feel so bitter,   perhaps what's in the dispatch will brighten your day." "As you can see, I'm being relieved of command." "Next week you'll have a new captain." "Lieutenant Commander Philip Francis Queeg." "Feel better?" " Definitely, sir." " Good." "That'll be all, Keith." "In accordance with Bureau of Naval Personnel, " " Order 016021 of November 1943,   you'll report to and relieve the commanding officer of the USS Caine." "Signed, Louis whitfield, Rear Admiral, USN, Chief of Bureau." "I relieve you, sir." "All standing orders to remain in force." "Dismiss the men." " Good luck, Captain." " Thank you." "Crew dismissed." "I could stay aboard a few days till you get used to things." "There's no need for that. we all have our own ways of running a ship." "This one's tired." "She ought to be melted down for razor blades." "The crew's tired, too." "But every man is okay." " I understand." " I hope you do." "Yours, Captain." "Attention on deck." " Request permission to leave." " Captain, sir?" " what is it, Meatball?" " Nothing, sir." "A few of the guys chipped in and ... whose idea was this?" " It's against Navy regulations." " You don't go by regulations." "That's my trouble." "I've been aboard the Caine too long." "You take an even strain with the new skipper, and it'll be all right." " I'm leaving the ship, sir." " Yes, sir." "what do you know?" "Somebody left his watch lying around." "I might as well have a souvenir." "Not a bad-Iooking watch at that." " what time is it?" " 11:00." "Make it 10:30." "I'll keep it a half hour slow   to remind me of the fouled-up crew of the Caine." "Carry on." "what's everybody so choked up for?" "I still think that someday you'll make an officer." "Captain Queeg requests a meeting of all officers at 13:00." "we'll be shipmates for a long time." "we should get acquainted." "I've formed some impressions." "You're probably curious about me." "My background is simple." "Just another naval officer." "I've had seven years in the Atlantic." "The last two were very interesting." "I thought they had it in for me personally." "Let's get down to cases." "I'm a book man." "I believe everything in it was put in for a purpose." "On this ship, we do things by the book." "Deviate from the book and you'll get an argument from me." "I don't lose arguments on my ship." "That's why it's nice to be captain." "Remember, on board my ship excellent performance is standard,   standard performance is sub-standard and does not exist." "Now that I've shot my face off, I'll give you the chance to do the same." "It's been a long time since this crew did things by the book." "There are four ways of doing things on board my ship:" "The right way, the wrong way, the Navy way and my way." "Do it my way and we'll get along." "Okay?" "Anyone else?" "Come in." "Sorry to interrupt." "Official message." "Thank you." "One moment, messenger." " what's your name and rate?" " Urban, sir." "Seaman First." " Very well." "You may go." " Yes, sir." "Gentlemen, did you notice anything peculiar about Seaman Urban?" "A shirt-tail outside trousers is the uniform for bus boys,   not for a sailor in the US Navy." "we will start noticing these things." " who's the Morale Officer?" " There is none." " who's the Junior Ensign?" " Keith, sir." "Mr Keith, you are now the Morale Officer." "See to it that every man keeps his shirt-tail inside his trousers." "If I see another shirt-tail flapping,   woe betide the sailor, the OOD and the Morale Officer." "I kid you not." "we are to proceed to Area X-ray at 08:00 tomorrow to tow targets." "The Caine is going to be the best target-towing ship in this navy." "That'll be all, gentlemen." "I want the men to have their hair cut and their faces shaven by 24:00." "Aye, aye, sir." " well, he's certainly Navy." " Yeah, so was Captain Bligh." "Attention all hands." "Ships will commence firing at 10:00." "Observers lay out to the fantail." "Flash." "Short. 200." "Over." "100. 250." "Hit." "Over." "100. 250." "Short. 100." "Over. 150. 200." "Ensign Keith, report to the bridge." "Have you any explanation for the appearance of this sailor?" "You heard my order on shirt-tails." "Tuck your shirt in, now." " The captain won't let me." " See the rotten job you're doing?" " Gwendelyn, this is Tarzan." " Tarzan, this is Gwendelyn." "Cease present exercises and return to base." "Well done." "Out." "Roger." "Thank you, sir." "we're heading back." "Right standard rudder." "Now, Mr Keith ..." "Do you have an explanation for this?" "I didn't ask for an alibi." "My orders must mean very little to you." " I'm at fault, but I tried my best." " Yes, a maximum of inefficiency." "what's the matter with the old man?" "we're steaming in a circle." " Captain ..." " Don't interrupt me." "One more word, and you're on report." " You were the officer of the deck." " A man can't be everywhere at once." "You are equally as responsible for your duties as I am for mine." "And one thing more." "war is a 24-hour job." "There will be no more novel-writing on the Caine." "Mr Keith, Mr Keefer, you will submit written reports explaining:" "A, why his shirt-tail was out." "B, why you didn't obey my orders." "Meatball, look!" "we're cutting back across our tow line." "It's impossible." "But it's happening!" "we're gonna cut our own tow line." "You'd better tell him again." "what's happening?" "what's going on?" "what's our target doing out there?" "what are you doing?" "You idiot." "All engines stop." " we've steamed over our tow line." " who said we did that?" " we've cut the target adrift." " No. we had a faulty cable." "we can hardly be held responsible if we're given faulty cables." "Should we recover the target?" "No. we'll be the last ship back in Pearl Harbor." "No thank you." "we don't want a lot of questions about this." "It's not our fault." " Reel in the cable." " Aye, aye, sir." "Mr Keefer, send the following dispatch." ""Defective tow line parted, south-west corner, X-ray."" ""Target adrift." "Menace to navigation."" ""Suggest tug, recover or destroy."" "He'll never get away with it." "Let's head for the barn." "All engines ahead full." "All engines ahead full, sir." "Willie, you look worried." "A man's shirt's a petty detail, but big things are made up of details." "For want of a nail, a horseshoe was lost, and then the whole battle." "A captain's job is a lonely one." "He's easily misunderstood." "Forget that I bawled you out." "It was good for the morale of everyone." "Yes, sir." "Look what just came in." "we're going back to San Francisco." "Thanks to Captain Queeg." "He's in plenty of hot water." " The Navy won't accept his story." " They're sending us back for that?" ""Upon arrival, Commanding Officer USS Caine   report immediately Commander western Sea Frontier."" "He's about to be boiled in oil." "And you'll be seeing your girl." "Willie!" " Willie, darling." " Mother." " This is a real surprise." " You didn't expect me to stay away?" "Mother ..." "I'd like you to meet a friend of mine." "May wynn." "I'm always delighted to meet Willie's friends." "Thank you." "Hello, May?" "Sure." "I'll be right down." "Okay." "I'm ready to go." "It's just a weekend at Yosemite." " A sailor needs some play time." " Miss wynn is going with you?" "Yes, she is." " You must feel strongly about her." " I do." "I like her a lot." " You have a nice weekend yourself." " Are you in love with her?" "I don't know." "But I missed her every minute I was away." "She is attractive, but you don't know anything about her." " You haven't even met her parents." " I'll have to do that someday." "For your own sake, promise you won't do anything rash." " I promise." " Do you mean it?" "Goodbye, Mom." "Easy, May." "That's good." " How did you like it?" " Like a new song." "Fun but scary." "It was nice of your mother to let you come." " It wasn't up to my mother." " well ..." " war has made a difference." " Has it?" "I missed you more than I planned to." "Let the fire fall!" "This is paradise." " Willie, there are people." " Let them look." "You have changed." "Sometimes I think there's almost a chance for us." " Willie, it's getting late." " It's getting very late." "I'll wait, thanks." "Good morning." "Sorry I'm late." "I'm used to having an alarm clock." " what a day." "Have you ordered yet?" " Not yet." " Orange juice and coffee." " Make it two." "I'd love to take a long walk." "Climb to the top of that mountain." " Darling, what's the matter?" " Just thinking." "Something's the matter." "I expected you to be happy." "would you spend the rest of your life with me?" " what's this?" " Let's get married." " Is that what you really want?" " Yes." "Don't look at me like that." "Is it because you feel sorry for me, and it's the decent thing to do?" "I love you and I want to marry you." "Yes or no?" " No." " why not?" "Your mother won't approve." " Of course she'll approve." " She won't, and you'll be unhappy." "I won't be unhappy." "I love you." "Maybe you do ... really do." "But marriage has to be by your own approval." "That's asking a lot, May." "That's right." "Have a good cry, Willie." "I know I will." "In another 30 seconds you'd have been awol." " I just got the telegram." " You couldn't leave your girl?" " Any news on Queeg?" " Stand by to cast off." "Have you been inconvenienced, Mr Keith?" "You made a mistake, Tom." "He's still here." "My mistake was nothing compared to the Navy's." "As you probably know, we returned to San Francisco to get a new radar." "However, certain misleading reports were sent to the Force Commander." "He doubted the Caine's competence as to being returned to combat." "I told him not to expect me to pull the Caine into shape overnight." "There will be no further mistakes from the officers and crew." " The smoke went down the wrong way." " This is an important command." "The Navy's waiting for me to make a mistake, but I won't make it." "So much for old business." "Gentlemen, I have good news for you." "we're on our way to the greatest invasion of this war." "I kid you not." "Let's straighten up and fly right." "All hands, put on battle dress." "All hands, put on battle dress." "we can scare the Japs to death." "Cease fire, cease fire." "Take stations." "Mr Keith, take the con." "That's the group we're to take in." "Jacob Group Four." "Come right to course 045." "All engines ahead full." "we're gonna run those boats down." "where's the captain?" " He's on the wing." " why isn't he handling the ship?" "All engines stop." "Boats ahoy!" " what's going on?" "who's yelling?" " we were overshooting these boys." " what's the distance to the beach?" " About three miles." "Steve, you get us there." "Full speed ahead." "we will proceed." "Follow us." "Good luck." "Left tangent: 006." " Beacon: 084." " Distance: 5,000." "we're too far ahead." "All engines back one third." "Left tangent: 350." " Beacon: 116." " Distance: 4,000." "why are we slowing down?" "If they can't keep up, throw a dye marker." "we're too close." "You want to run us on the beach?" " we still have 1,500 yards to go." " 1,500 yards?" "You're crazy." "I can read instruments as well as anyone." "we're within 1,000 yards of the beach right now." "Left full rudder." "All engines ahead full." " Throw over a dye marker." " Fantail, throw over a dye marker." " we can't leave those marines ..." " Mr Maryk, I'm relieving you." " what's he doing?" "Running away?" " Don't look for trouble, Tom." " what do you think of your boy now?" " I don't know." " There must be a reason for this." " Yeah." "There's a reason, all right." "I've got those yellowstain blues those silly yellowstain blues when someone fires a shot it's always there I am not" "I've got those yellowstain blues the old yellowstain blues those yellowstain blues." " we'd better pipe down." " Don't worry." "It's about time you got over being impressed by parents and captains." " Thanks, Dad." " More." "I've got those yellowstain blues down from my head to my shoes you should see strong men quail if he should spy a shirt-tail ..." " Cut it." " Steve, I thought you'd be amused." "It's the saga of a man with very little charm and even less courage." "It's not funny." "Find someone else to sing about." " Old Yellowstain will be flattered." " Don't use that name again." " The captain wants a meeting." " And he kids us not." "Don't get up, please." "I'm not feeling well." "This won't take long." "That'll be all, steward." "I know that some of you are a little afraid of me." "I'm not that terrible." "I have a wife and a child and a dog." "They're rather fond of me." "Even the dog doesn't think I'm a monster." "Certain things happened today." "A command is a lonely job." "It isn't easy to make decisions." "Sometimes the captain of a ship needs help ... constructive Ioyalty." "A ship is like a family. we all have ideas of right and wrong,   but we have to pitch in for the good of the family." "If there was only some way we could help each other." "If there's anything you want to say, I'll be glad to listen." "I've spoken my piece." "I only hope it registered." "Don't get up." "Painter, have some more aspirin sent up." "My headache's much worse." "Yes, sir." "This is what is known in literature as the pregnant pause." "Let's write to walter winchell." " I almost felt sorry for him." " Don't be so sentimental, Willie." "I thought it was a good speech." "It was close to an apology." "we could have backed him up." "He turned yellow the first time we got into action." "You knew nothing about DeVriess and you know even less about Queeg." "He's tired." "His nerves are shot." "A man can lose his head after what Queeg has gone through." "That's endearing, but it won't hold." "Has it ever occurred to you that our captain might be unbalanced?" "I know about abnormal behaviour." "Captain Queeg has every symptom of acute paranoia." "He'll snap any day." " Step outside." " I'd like to stay." " Let him." "He studied psychology." " You're fooling with dynamite." "The man is a Freudian delight." "He crawls with clues." "The rolling balls, the second-hand phrases, the migraine headaches ..." "Shirt-tails, and tonight's speech:" "I turned yellow but my dog likes me." " I think Tom does make sense." " You stay out of this." "So he has migraine headaches and he rolls steel balls." "So what?" "You used to get up before reveille and scribble on papers." "Everybody's a screwball in some way." "You're kidding yourself, Steve." "will you go to the medical officer with me and repeat what you've said?" " Do you agree with my diagnosis?" " Not even if I understood it." "I'm not doing it alone." "If you can't see it, they won't believe me." "Let's drop it." "There'll be no more talk of the captain being crazy." " It can only blow up in our faces." " I still insist he's paranoid." "See this bible?" "I swear on this, I'll report anything further you say about it." "There's no more friendship on this point." "Medical log on Lieutenant Commander X-ray." "The possibility appears to exist   that the commander of this ship may be mentally disturbed." "March 5, 1944." "This evening, as usual, we were showing a Western." "Stop the picture!" "will you please stop this picture!" "Attention on deck!" " why wasn't I told about the movie?" " You don't want to see westerns." "This was calculated disrespect to your commanding officer." "All right." "There will be no more movies for 30 days." "May 28, 1944." "Morale couldn't be lower." "The crew is resentful." "The officers are just going through the motions of carrying out orders." "Today, the captain ordered a general drill for the safety of the crew." "This is the captain speaking." "Many of you aren't wearing battle gear." "Those not wearing a helmet or a life jacket lose three days' liberty." "I see you!" "knock that off!" "Stop putting on that gear!" "Put that man down there on report." "That one on number one machine gun." "You think you're clever." "You're not fooling me!" "Get that red-headed fellow." "I can't tell which one's red-headed." "They're wearing their helmets." "This is the captain speaking." "Some of you think you can outsmart me." "You're mistaken." "The innocent will be punished with the guilty." "There will be no liberty for three months." "I won't be made a fool of." "July 30, 1944." "Today we received a gift from the USS Pinkney." "A gallon of frozen strawberries." "I was checking the watch at 01:00 when I spoke to Ensign Keith." "How's it going?" "The captain's been put away for the night." " Lay off." " I was with you at the beginning." " But no ship can go on like this." " You don't know that." " I'm not blind." " All right." "The captain's in rocky shape, but he'll come out of it." "The captain wants a meeting of all officers." " At 01:00?" "what's it about?" " Strawberries." " Are you sure this is a gallon can?" " Yes, sir." "It's a lard can." "You must be wondering why I called you here." "we had an excellent dessert tonight, ice cream and frozen strawberries." "An hour ago, I sent for another portion but got only the ice cream." "There weren't any more strawberries." "I don't believe that the officers consumed a gallon of strawberries." "Mr Maryk, how many portions of ice cream and strawberries did you have?" "Two, sir." "Dole out a scoop of sand for each portion." " Mr Keefer, how many for you?" " Three, Captain." " Keith?" " Two, sir." " Harding?" " Two, sir." " Painter?" " Two, sir." " Comedy?" "Jorgensen ...?" " Two, sir." " And the steward's mates had three?" " Yes, one helping each." " Mr Keith said it was okay." " Yes, I did." "And I had four." "24 portions in all." "This tureen holds as much sand as we had strawberries tonight." "Mr Maryk, tell me how much sand is left." "Maybe a quart, or a little less." "Have any of you an explanation for the quart of missing strawberries?" "Someone else finished them for us." "You will all investigate to find out who's responsible for this theft." " Mr Maryk, you're in charge." " You mean in the morning?" "Now, by my watch, does not mean in the morning, but 01:47." "I expect a full report by 08:00." "Pipe down." "Let's get this done so we can get some sleep." "Send in the stewards." "If only the strawberries had been poisoned, we'd be done with this." "we've learned nothing further about the missing quart of strawberries." " Unsatisfactory." " Sorry, Captain." "we kept the mess boys and the cook most of the night." "It's a dead end." " we went over it all endlessly." " You accomplished nothing." "I've thought the whole thing out." "Someone made a duplicate key to the icebox." " There's no indication ..." " Some things we must assume." "when I was an ensign on a cruiser, five pounds of cheese was missing." "Everybody forgot about it but me." "I found out a chow hound had made a wax impression of the icebox key." "He confessed and I got a letter of commendation." "It's the same here." "we can't be sure there's a key ..." "I've got a simple plan. we tag every key on board with the owner's name." "Then we strip all hands to make sure we have all the keys." "Then we test each key on the icebox padlock." " The one that fits is the thief's." " we don't know there's such a key." " I say there's a key." " The thief could toss it overboard." "He wouldn't do that after going to the trouble of making it." " He may hide it, but we'll find it." " I never thought of that, sir." "Get on the ball." "It should be fun doing some detective work." "Steve, turn me in if you want to." "But this is over the line." "Queeg is a paranoid." "Can't you see what he's doing?" "He's re-enacting his big triumph, the cheese investigation." "He wants to be as hot as the young Ensign Queeg." "There is no key." " what happened to the strawberries?" " Does it matter?" "would anyone but a crazy man care?" "Steve, are you familiar with Article 184 of Navy regulations?" "Vaguely." "Listen to this." "On the Caine it's required reading." "Article 184:" ""Unusual circumstances may arise   in which the relief from duty of a commanding officer is necessary." "Such action shall be subject to the approval of the Navy Department,   except when it is impracticable because of the delay involved."" "If I were you, I'd memorise it." "I'll take these to the captain." " Great weather for stripping down." " Great for pneumonia." " Next." " Meatball, you can get dressed." " Don't you want to x-ray me?" " He swallowed his key." "Pipe down." " So long, fellas." " Are you escaping from the Caine?" " My wife is seriously ill." " I'm sorry." "She'll be all right. we'll let you know about the key investigation." " Good luck, Harding." " Thank you, sir." "If I tell you something, please don't do anything till I'm ashore." " what is it?" " There is no key." " what?" " How do you know?" "The mess boys ate the strawberries." "I saw them." "I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want them to get in trouble." "But I told the captain." "He said he'd hold up my orders if I told anyone." "So please don't say anything." "I'm happy to get out of this madhouse." "So long." "I'll call all your wives and girls for you." " well ..." " I've thought about what you said." "I've thought about Article 184, and I have to admit you're right." "Admiral Halsey is here with the fleet." "Let's go see him." " Sure." " You too, Willie." "Request permission to come on board." "Admiral Halsey's quarters." "Lt. Jones, these gentlemen would like to see the admiral." "Just a minute please, gentlemen." "It's a fine time to think of this, but we're making a big mistake." " what are you talking about?" " Look." "This is the real navy, with real officers, not Queegs." " The Caine's a floating mistake." " what are you driving at?" " They'll never believe us." " Is the captain crazy or isn't he?" " Is this record correct or not?" " Yes, but we can't make it stick." "Everything there can be interpreted as an attempt to enforce discipline." " we know different." " Because we've lived through it." " why didn't you tell me before?" " If we do this, we're in trouble." "It won't mean as much to us, but you want to stay in the Navy." "This can smash your career." "They'll think you're a mutinous officer." "I'll risk it." "Are you scared?" "Scared?" "I see six sides to every risk and 12 reasons not to take it." "Behind this eloquent exterior, I've got a yellow streak 15 miles wide." " I'm too smart to be brave." " Admiral Halsey will see you." " I pass." " we've decided this isn't the time." "Station special C at anchor detail." "Make all preparations for sailing." "Make all preparations for heavy weather." "Dismissed from quarters." " Steve, what do we do now?" " without Tom, I'll get nowhere." "I never even heard the word paranoid before he pulled it on me." " I don't get it." "Tom's no coward." " I don't know what Tom is ... now." "Hurry back. we received a storm warning and the fleet's sailing." "Turn on the standard lights." " The barometer's still dropping." " I've seen it." " Are you gonna take on ballast?" " No." " I suggest that we do." " I won't foul up the fuel lines." "we need more knots to outrun it." "Bridge to Engine Control." "This is the captain speaking." "I want power." "Power on the starboard engine." "Emergency power." "Close that door." " I've relieved the watch." " Everyone put on life jackets." "It's difficult holding her." "we can't keep riding with our stern to the wind." " Those are fleet orders." " Put the depth charges on safe." " Mr Keefer told me to set them." " why wasn't I told?" " I told Mr Keefer ..." " Put this man on report." "Get another helmsman." " But Stillwell's our best man." " Pay attention to my orders." "Number one switchboard shorted out." "Shifting to number two." "we're falling off to starboard." "Try backing the starboard engine." " Back the starboard engine!" " Back the starboard engine." "Willie, look in the radar shack." "See if there are any ships near us." "If we keep our stern to the wind, we'll roll over." "The radars are down." "There's no sign of the fleet." " Swinging very fast." " Captain, we have to manoeuvre." "The fleet didn't order us to manoeuvre at discretion." "we don't know what our orders are." " we're in trouble." " No, we're not." "I can't hold the wheel." "Captain, back the starboard engine!" "Captain!" "Hold it a hard right!" " Ease your rudder to standard." " Rudder easing to standard." "Heading 325." "She's coming around slower." "we'll head into the wind." "Steady on 000." " Fleet course is 180." " Captain, we're in serious trouble." "Don't question my decisions again." "Helmsman, come left." "Steady as you go." "Willie, note the time." "You're a sick man." "I'm relieving you of this ship under Article 184." "what are you talking about?" "Helmsman, left 180." " Mr Keith, what do I do?" " I told you to come left, and fast." "You're not issuing orders anymore." "I've relieved you." " I take full responsibility." " You're under arrest." "Go below." " Left to 180." " Right standard rudder." "Course 000." " what do I do?" " Come north." "Maryk's in command." "Call your relief." "You're under arrest, too." "All officers report to the bridge." " what's up?" " I have just relieved the captain." "From now on, I will give all orders." "I take full responsibility." "Mr Keith backed you up." "He'll pay the same as you will." "If you officers know what's good for you, tell them to stop." "You officers approve?" "Do you, Mr Keefer?" " It isn't up to him to approve." " You'll hang for mutiny." "Everybody back to their stations." "Hold the course 000." " It's right over there." " Thank you." "Yes?" "This is Ensign Keith." "New York?" "Thank you." "Hello?" " May?" " I've been phoning you all day." " Are you all right?" " Yes." "Ensign Harding called and told me that you were in trouble." "Willie, I'm worried." "Is your mother there with you?" " She's with my uncle." "He's sick." " Sorry to hear it." "It was wonderful of you to phone." " May ... darling." " Willie, please don't." "what an idiot I was." "I could have married you in the most beautiful place in the world." " I'll always regret that I didn't." " Don't ... please." "It's over." "It's all in the past." "I want you to know that I love you, and I'll never forget you." "Goodbye, Willie." "Thank you." "Mr Maryk?" "My name is Barney Greenwald." "Pleased to meet you." "Have a crack-up?" " Are you our lawyer?" " I'm a lawyer." " Ensign Keith, Lieutenant Keefer." " Keith." "You're the co-defendant." " And you, Mr Keefer?" " I'm holding his coat." " I'm a friend of the family." " That's pretty flip." "I was on board the Caine, communications officer." "I read the report and frankly, I think that what you've done stinks." " Then why are you taking the case?" " I didn't say I'd take it." "I wanted to talk to Mr Maryk first." " You should get another lawyer." " Eight lawyers have turned it down." "At the moment, you have an excellent chance of being hanged." "we'll answer anything you want to know." "Are you a fool or a mutineer?" "There's no third possibility." " Should I have let the ship sink?" " Three ships were lost, you know." "And 194 stayed afloat without the executive officer taking command." " There was no other choice." " Maybe I'm a fool." "I'm no mutineer." "He had a paranoid skipper who went to pieces, and he saved the ship." "The Navy has three psychiatrists who will testify that Queeg is sane." "Paranoids walk a thin dividing line between sanity and lunacy." "Are you a psychiatrist?" "I'm a writer." "I'm a judge of human behaviour." "You were the first to notice the captain's psychotic symptoms?" " Yes." " Did you explain it to Mr Maryk?" " I discussed it." " That's an interesting point." " would you repeat it in court?" " why not?" "Mr Keefer, you ought to take a look at Article 186 of Navy regulations." ""An officer relieving his commanding officer, or recommending it,   together with others who so counsel,   must bear the responsibility for and must justify such action."" "That's confusing the issue." "I'm not on trial." "You're not an expert on psychiatry, but you made the diagnosis." "Yes." "The atmosphere is getting thick in here." "I'll wait in the hall." "Tom had nothing to do with it." "Nobody told me what to do." " Sure." " will you take the case?" "I'd much rather prosecute." "I guess I can't blame you." " I'll take it." " How do we plead?" " Your case depends on Maryk." " How do I plead?" "Not guilty." "You're a great naval hero." "Charge: mutiny." "Specification:" "Steven Maryk, Lieutenant, US Naval Reserve,   while serving on board the USS Caine, did on July 31, 1944,   wilfully and without authority relieve Lt. Commander Queeg." "Queeg was engaged in the exercise of his command, the US being at war." "Steven Maryk, how say you to the specification?" "Guilty or not guilty?" " Not guilty." " How say you to the charge?" "Not guilty." "The prosecution is prepared to prove   that the removal of Lt. Commander Queeg was not justified,   and consequently, constituted a mutiny." "we will submit psychiatric testimony establishing without a doubt   that Lt. Commander Queeg is sane and should not have been relieved." "No statement at this time." "The prosecution would like to call Ensign willis Stewart Keith." "were you the officer of the deck on the DMS Caine on July 31?" "was the captain relieved of command by Mr Maryk during that watch?" "Do you know why Mr Maryk took the action that he did?" "The ship was in imminent danger of foundering." " You've been in a foundering ship?" " No, sir." " when did you join the Navy?" " A little over a year ago." "Do you know how long Lt. Commander Queeg served at sea?" " No." " Queeg has served over eight years." "which of you is better at judging if a ship is foundering?" "Myself. when I am in possession of my faculties and Queeg is not." "Describe this loss of faculties." "Did Queeg rave or make insane gestures?" "No, sir." "After being relieved, did he go crazy?" "He was never wild or raving." "There are other forms of mental illness." "Thank you for your expert opinion." "Queeg has been found rational by three psychiatrists." "They weren't there during the storm." " Did you like the captain?" " At first I did." "I thought he was incompetent and unfair." "He rode the men too hard." " Yourself included?" " Yes, sir." " You ended up hating Captain Queeg?" " Yes, sir." "Let's come to the morning of 31 July." "Did you obey Mr Maryk because you thought the captain was crazy,   or because you hated him?" "Mr Keith, it's contempt of court to refuse to answer questions." "Mr Maryk did the right thing." "No further questions." "Mr Keith, have you ever heard the expression "Old Yellowstain"?" " Repeat that, please." " Old Yellowstain." "Yes, sir." "It was a nickname for Captain Queeg." " what did it imply?" " Cowardice." "I object." "That was an unnecessary attack on the honour of an officer." "The career of an officer with a long unblemished record is involved here." "I warn you, you bear full responsibility for your conduct." "The court will hold in abeyance to the prosecution's motion." "Did that nickname have anything to do with the typhoon?" " No, sir." " That's all." " No further questions." " The court has no questions." "You may only discuss your testimony with the parties to the trial." "You're excused." "You're excused." "The ship was rolling bad." "Queeg said to come left, Maryk said right." " which did you do?" " I obeyed Mr Maryk." " Mr Keith said he'd taken command." " Did the captain act crazy?" " Did Mr Maryk?" " No, sir." "was the captain scared?" "Mr Maryk?" "was anyone?" "Just me." "I was plenty scared." " Did you like Captain Queeg?" " I liked him, but not a lot." " He acted strange." " Because he cleaned up the Caine?" "Because he made you get haircuts and was strict about regulations?" "These were attempts to make good sailors out of his crew." "That's all." " what do those stars represent?" " well ..." "This silver star is the Coral Sea, Midway, Guadalcanal ..." " That's all." " Call Lt. Thomas Keefer." "when did you learn about Queeg's relief?" "Mr Maryk called us to the bridge and told us he had assumed command." "Did Captain Queeg look sick?" "In a typhoon nobody looks very well." "Didn't you realise   the seriousness of Queeg's warning about collusion in mutiny?" " Yes, I did." " Then why didn't you take action?" "I wasn't there when he was relieved." "I don't know what he did to convince Mr Maryk he was sick." "For the safety of the ship I obeyed Mr Maryk's order,   until higher authority either endorsed or overruled his action." "when Captain Queeg was in command of the Caine,   did you ever observe any evidence of insanity in him?" "I can't answer that." "I'm not a psychiatrist." "Did you have any reason to think Queeg might be insane?" "Prior to 31 July, did Maryk suspect Queeg of being mentally ill?" "Yes, sir." "Maryk showed me a log he had written on Queeg's behaviour." "Did you believe that log justified the relief of Captain Queeg?" " well, sir ..." " Yes or no?" "No, sir." "Maryk persuaded Mr Keith and me to go with him to see Admiral Halsey." "On board the flagship I told him the log didn't justify such action,   and that we'd be charged with mutiny." "were you surprised when Maryk relieved the captain?" "I was flabbergasted." " were you pleased?" " Maryk was a close friend." "I anticipated that he would be involved in great difficulty." " No further questions." " No questions." " will you recall the witness?" " No, sir." " No cross-examination?" " No, sir." " He's lying." " He'll get you into more trouble." "Forget it." "I want one hero, not two mutineers." "Call Dr Dixon." "Dr Dixon, please." " How did it go, Tom?" " You know." "You've tried it." "Sure, but you're the old word-king." "You knew what you were doing." "Yeah, I knew what I was doing." "Doctor, can a sane man possibly perform offensive or foolish acts?" "It happens every day." "Assuming that the captain's conduct often showed bad judgement,   would that be inconsistent with your diagnosis of him?" "No, my colleagues and I didn't find Captain Queeg a perfect officer." " But we found no mental illness." " Then he was relieved unjustly?" "From a psychiatric standpoint, yes." "Your witness." "My background is legal, not medical." "My questions might be elementary." "You said that Lt. Commander Queeg had problems which he handled well." " Could you describe the problems?" " I object." "Queeg is not on trial." "The question is irrelevant." "Evidence regarding Queeg's mental make-up is of great importance here." "Objection overruled." "The doctor may answer." "Repeat the question." "You said that Lt. Commander Queeg had problems which he handled well." "Could you describe the problems?" "The main problem concerns childhood inferiority feelings,   aggravated by adult experiences." " what were those adult experiences?" " He'd undergone a lot of strain." "Long, arduous combat duty." "That's all I can say." " would he easily admit mistakes?" " None of us do." " would he be a perfectionist?" " Yes." "Inclined to hound subordinates about small details?" " would he find people hostile?" " That's part of the picture." "If criticised, would he feel unjustly persecuted?" "It all stems from the premise that he must try to be perfect." "You have testified that these symptoms exist in Queeg's behaviour:" "Rigidity of personality, feelings of persecution,   and a neurotic certainty he is always right." "Isn't there one psychiatric term for this illness?" " I never mentioned any illness." " Thank you for the correction." "what would you call a personality with all these symptoms?" "A paranoid personality." "But that is not a disabling illness." " what kind of personality?" " Paranoid." "I would like to protest the counsel's twisting of words." "There's a difference between mental illness and mental disturbance." "Could Captain Queeg have been disabled by the strain of command?" " That's absurdly hypothetical." " Is it?" " Have you ever had any sea duty?" " No." "Have you ever been at sea?" "How long have you been in the Navy?" "Five months." " Have you ever dealt with captains?" " No." "You're no authority on this matter, and you may be wrong about Queeg." " Your witness." " One minute, Doctor." "The defence has an interesting point." "Did you ever have patients who dealt with complicated command decisions?" " Plant managers, industrialists ..." " Quite a few." "Including flyers, who deal with life and death every day." "I've written a book on the subject." "Could you detect where a neurosis might damage decision-making?" " Absolutely." " You examined Lt. Commander Queeg." " And you found no such damage?" " That's right." "Thank you, Doctor." "That'll be all." " Smart guy." " He's sure gonna bear down on me." "That's the way I saw it." "It was my duty as a naval officer." "Captain Queeg was mentally ill and I had to take over." "If I had to do it again, I'd do it." "Thank you, Mr Maryk." "Your witness." "Just a few questions. were your grades in high school average?" " Lower than average." " And in college?" " Are you trained in psychiatry?" " No." "where did you get the idea that Queeg was mentally ill?" "Out of books ..." "I can't remember the titles." " Define schizophrenia." " I can't." " what's a manic-depressive?" " I don't know." "what's the difference between "paranoid" and "paranoia"?" "In truth, you don't know anything about mental illness." " I didn't say I did." " You knew enough to commit mutiny." " I wanted to save the ship." " But doctors have found Queeg sane." " They weren't in the ship." " Isn't the reverse possible?" "Under pressure, you became erratic and couldn't understand the captain." "who is presumed by the Navy to have the best judgement in ship handling?" " The captain." " One last question." "If the diagnosis of expert doctors is correct, then you're guilty?" "I guess maybe so." " No more questions." " No further questions." "You may step down, Mr Maryk." "This is just the first act." "The finale's still to come." "Good afternoon, gentlemen." "I assumed command of a badly-handled ship." "I tried to bring in into line." "Lt. Maryk opposed me from the first." "Maybe he thought I was crazy to keep trying." "was your ship on the verge of foundering when you were relieved?" "A typhoon is an extreme hazard, but the ship was riding well." "Lt. Maryk went into a panic." "He believed only he could save the ship." "Ensign Keith, a disloyal officer, combined with him against me." "It was bad luck for them." "I bear them no malice." "I'm sorry for them." " No more questions." " A word of caution, Mr Greenwald." "The defence will try to challenge the competence of Captain Queeg." "Nevertheless, all the requirements of military respect remain in force." "During a period when the Caine was towing targets,   did you ever steam over your own tow line?" "Objection." "The defence outrages the dignity of this proceeding." "The prosecution believes the report of the psychiatrist closes the case." "But it is up to you naval officers to judge the captain's performance." "And I must review that performance." " Objection overruled." " Did you steam over your tow line?" "I'm happy to dispose of this particular slander." "when we were towing the target, I saw some anti-aircraft bursts." " I turned to avoid them." " You turned in a full circle." "My unreliable helmsman failed to warn me about that." "But I saw it and reversed course." "we didn't steam over the tow line." " Did nothing else distract you?" " Not that I recall." "weren't you reprimanding a seaman for having his shirt-tail out,   while the ship turned 360 degrees?" "That only took two seconds." "The morning the Caine escorted attack boats to the beach,   did your orders include dropping a dye marker?" " I don't recall." " Did you drop a dye marker?" "I don't recall." "Didn't you steam ahead of the attack boats, drop a dye marker   and retire, leaving the boats to make the beach on their own?" " The question is abusive." " Cowardice is a serious charge." "Sir, may I make one thing clear?" "It is not the defence's contention that Commander Queeg is a coward." "we assume that no commander of a US naval ship can possibly be a coward." "If he commits questionable acts, the explanation must be elsewhere." " You may resume your examination." " were all your officers disloyal?" "I didn't say that." "Only some were disloyal." " Mr Keith and Mr Maryk?" " Yes." "You wrote this report on Mr Maryk one month before he relieved you." " Do you recognise it?" " Yes, I do." "Please read your comments on Mr Maryk." "The court can't hear you." ""This officer has improved in performance."" ""He's consistently loyal, courageous and efficient."" ""He's recommended for transfer to the regular navy."" "Did you turn your ship upside down searching for a phantom key?" "I don't know what lies have been sworn to here, but a key did exist." "The witness is understandably agitated." "I request a recess." "I don't want a recess." " Did you conduct such a search?" " Yes." "My disloyal officers failed me, and the key couldn't be found." "wasn't this whole fuss over a quart of strawberries?" "The pilfering of food is a very serious occurrence on board a ship." "You were told that the mess boys ate the berries." "There was no key." "The key was not imaginary." "I don't know anything about the mess boys." "Have you no recollection of a conversation with Ensign Harding?" "Didn't he tell you that the mess boys ate the strawberries?" "I remember he was grateful for his transfer." "His wife was ill." "Do you know where Ensign Harding is now?" "He's in San Diego." "He can be flown up here in three hours if necessary." " Shall we have him testify?" " No, I ..." "I don't see any need of that." "Now that I recall, he might have said something about mess boys." "I questioned many men, and Harding was not the most reliable officer." "The defence has no other recourse than to produce Ensign Harding." "There's no need for that." "He'll only tell you lies." "All the officers were disloyal." "They were always fighting me." "If the crew wanted their shirt-tails out, they'd let them." "Take the tow line ..." "defective equipment." "But they began spreading wild rumours about steaming in circles,   and then "Old Yellowstain"." "I was to blame for Maryk's incompetence." "Maryk was the perfect officer, but not Queeg." "But the strawberries, that's where I had them." "I proved with geometric logic that a duplicate key to the icebox existed." "I could have produced that key." "They were protecting some officer ..." "Naturally, I can only cover these things from memory." "If I've left anything out, just ask me specific questions   and I'll be glad to answer them one by one." " No further questions, sir." " The court is closed." "For he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow that nobody can deny." "No, baby, there are no girls here." "Just the officers of the Caine." "what, darling?" "Steve, make them pipe down." " knock it off, fellas." " Hi, Tom." "Hi, fellas." " Steve." " Hello, Tom." " I didn't think you dared show up." " I didn't dare not to." "Steve." "Thank you for not telling the fellas about what happened." " I'm delighted about the outcome." " It's over and done with." "You can fly in tonight. we'll have plenty of time to get married." "we'll tell my mother afterwards." "Please, May." "I love you, darling." "Goodbye, sweetheart." "Steve, Tom, that was May." "we're ... well, well, well." "The officers of the Caine in happy celebration." " You're kind of tight." " I've got a guilty conscience." "I thought the wrong man was on trial, so I torpedoed Queeg for you." "I had to torpedo him." "And I feel sick about it." "Take it easy." "when I was studying law, and Mr Keefer was writing his stories,   and Willie was tearing up the playing fields of Princeton,   who was standing guard over this country of ours?" "Not us. we knew you couldn't make any money in the service." "who did the dirty work for us?" "Queeg did, and a lot of other guys." "Tough guys who didn't crack up like Queeg." "Queeg endangered the lives of the men." "He didn't endanger any lives." "You did." "A fine bunch of officers." " You said yourself he cracked." " That's a very pretty point." "I left out one detail in court." "It wouldn't have helped our case." "At one point, Queeg came to you for help, and you turned him down." "Yes, we did." "He wasn't worthy of your loyalty." "So you turned on him." "You made up songs about him." "If you'd been loyal to Queeg, do you think all this would have come up?" "I'm asking you, Steve. would it have been necessary to take over?" "It probably wouldn't have been necessary." " If that's true, we were guilty." " You're learning." "You don't work with the captain because of his hairstyle,   but because he's got the job, or you're no good." "The case is over." "You're all safe." "It was like shooting fish in a barrel." "Now we come to the man who should have stood trial." "The Shakespeare whose testimony nearly sunk us all." " Tell them, Keefer." " You're telling it better." "You should read his testimony." "He never even heard of Queeg." " Let's forget it." " Queeg was sick." "But you're real healthy." "You didn't have one tenth the guts he had." " Except I never fooled myself." " I want to drink a toast to you." "You always hated the Navy." "Then you thought up this idea." "You managed to keep your skirts nice and clean even in the court martial." "Maryk will be remembered as a mutineer ..." "You'll publish your novel, make a million bucks, marry a movie star,   and live with your conscience." "If you have any." "Here's to the real author of "The Caine Mutiny"." "Here's to you." "I'll be outside." "I'm drunker than you are, so it'll be a fair fight." " Goodbye, darling." " Goodbye, Willie." "Attention on deck." " Keith." " Yes, sir." " Take her out." " Aye, aye, sir." "Single up all lines!" "Stand by to cast off!"