"New York City can be a terrifying place." " Just a coffee and a muffin, please." " That'll be $7.50." "But nothing is more frightening than running into an ex before you've had your morning coffee." " I burned my tongue!" " I've got to work on that." "Sorry." "You look great." "How you doing?" "Good." "You know, boring." "What's new with you?" "I guess that means you didn't get the invitation yet." "No." "Invitation to what?" "I'm finally doing it." "I'm opening up my own bar." " Steve, you're kidding!" "That's..." " Scary, right?" "And it's next Saturday." "I'd love it if you would come." " You remember Jessica?" " Yes, sure." "Of course, yes." " You'll come?" "Next Saturday?" " We'd love to see you there." "She "we'd" him." "Right in front of me." "I'm still asleep." "How can you have had an emotional drama already?" "No way I'm going to his opening, right?" "Let me think for a second." "What pisses me off is it was me who told him to open his own bar." " But do I get any credit?" " I'm guessing not." "It's infuriating!" "Why wasn't he so ambitious with me?" "Maybe you inspired him." "Maybe he named the bar Miranda's or Hobbes Nob." "He named the bar Scout, Carrie, after his dog." "I'm not going to that." "You have to go." "You're friends now." "That's what friends do." "You're my friend." "That means you have to go with me?" "Of course." "Absolutely." "That's what friends are for." " Forget it." "I'm not going." " To what?" " What is it?" " Steve Brady and..." "Aidan Shaw!" "How did this happen?" "Why are they even friends?" "According to Steve's girlfriend, Jessica, who answered his phone this morning..." "I love how you say Jessica like allegedly that's her name." " Aidan is Steve's silent partner." " Why didn't I get an invitation?" " Have mine." "I'm not going." " It's a party." "You won't see him." "It is not a party." "It's a parade of our failed relationships." "Next you'll tell me that my junior prom date is the bar back." "It's good Aidan invited you." "He wants to be friends." "I don't know what it means." " It means I forgive you, please come." " Nice try." "Not going." " I'll go." " Thank you." "You see, Samantha's my friend." "I'm going with Samantha and her lesbian lover, and I am proud." "Let's not invite Maria." "I could use a night away." "You're not in a Sapphic slump?" "All we ever do is lie in the bath and talk about feelings." "That's a relationship." "I don't know how you do it." "All that emotional chow-chow." " Don't you just hate that?" " Women." "Samantha was determined to get Maria out of the tub and out on the town." "Why are we out in this crowd, with all this smoke, when we could be home relaxing together?" "I thought it would be fun to go out on dry land for a change." "What's the fun of getting clean if you can't get dirty first?" "What's it to be?" "The usual?" "Brian makes the most dangerous Mojitos in the city." "Two Mojitos coming up." "On the house." " Fun place, huh?" " Hey, gorgeous." "Sean Sullivan!" "What are you doing in town?" "Business." "What are you doing Saturday?" " Saturday?" " We have plans for Saturday." "How about a late run?" "I'll call you." " What is this late run?" " Doesn't translate." "I didn't know we had plans Saturday." "I'm going out with the girls." " Should I come?" "I'm a girl." " No, sweetie." "Since you don't like to go out..." "Here you go, ladies." "Enjoy." "I get off at 4:00." "Samantha had to face her past and Charlotte was facing her future." "Now that Trey could get hard in the bedroom, she saw no reason why their bed should be." "Bunny, hi." "What are you doing here?" "When Trey told me you were buying a new bed, I insisted he let me help." "I picked the one he has now, didn't you know?" "It's Chippendale." "No." "Where is Trey?" "Still at the hospital, I expect." "Don't fret." "We'll find a mattress to fit the frame." "We were hoping to find a bed that was a little bigger and less hard." "My dear, I'm a firm believer in firm mattresses." "Look." "The perfect dust ruffle." "Five-pleat, gusseted duster with a foot drop." "I have one just like it." "Actually, Bunny, most of the newer beds don't even need dust ruffles." "My dear child, you cannot not have a dust ruffle." "It's unsightly." "This is divine." "Nice and firm." "Hello, my darling girls." "Sorry I'm late." " I see you've started without me." " You must get in and feel this." "It's sublime." "Hello." "This is comfy, isn't it?" "Charlotte, you must try this." " I was thinking more..." " For heaven's sake get in." "This is heaven." "I'm sorry, this is just way too..." " Firm?" "All righty." "Something softer." " Something with a dust ruffle." "Whatever you say, Mother." "You know best." "You hear it too, Fatty?" " I think I have a ghost." " I think I have to hear that again." "There were weird noises last night." "The cat heard it, too." "If the cat heard it..." "That's not a ghost." "That's a weird neighbour's nocturnal, what have you." "That's what I thought, but this morning the super let me in upstairs and there's no one living there." "The place is empty." "I know it sounds crazy, but I could feel it." " Did the cat feel it too?" " The hairs on my neck stood up." "My grandmother had a ghost." "She had to tell it to leave." "That's what you do." "Confront the ghost, acknowledge it, release it." " How do you happen to know that?" " Everybody knows that." "Why now?" "I've lived there two years." "When I lived alone, I felt scared all the time." "Now I'm back with Trey, I feel safe." "So I have a ghost because I'm single?" "That's discrimination." "New York is definitely haunted." "Anyone you have unresolved issues with you are bound to run into until you resolve them." "My relationship with Aidan was dead, but he was suddenly a presence in my life again." "Was he there all along?" "Like the chair he made that I could never sell." "When a relationship dies, do we ever give up the ghost?" "Or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?" "Why did you not introduce me to that Sean?" "He's nobody." "Just a guy I used to fuck." "And the bartender man?" "He's nobody." "Just a guy I used to fuck." "Why have you not told these nobody that you are with somebody now?" "What am I supposed to say?" ""Hi, this is my lesbian lover." "PS, I'm done with dick?"" "Who said anything about dick?" " I was talking about our relationship." " Of course you were." "Do you miss the dick?" "Is that what this is all about?" "It's OK to tell me." "We should talk about this." "More talking?" "OK." "I'll talk." " How many men have you been with?" " How many women have you been with?" "12." "You've been with more than 12 men?" "Why are we even talking about this?" "Why are you so afraid to talk?" " Always pulling away." " I'm not pulling away." "I'm trying to get closer." "Not like that." "Not with sex." "I cannot just turn it on and off." "After all, I'm not a man." "You know what?" "I think I'm clean now." "That night, Charlotte was haunted by dust ruffles, ducks and Bunny." "Your mother decorated this entire apartment." " Mother does all our houses." " I should have known." " Plaid and the mallards." " You don't like them?" "It's like living in the museum of natural ugliness!" "Trey, if we're serious about making a fresh start with our marriage and making this our home, it should reflect our taste, shouldn't it?" " I have no taste, clearly." " Then my taste for us." "Mother spent a lot of time and money on this place." "I understand, but I am your wife." " Maybe I should have a chat with her?" " Let me." "It might go easier." "Tomorrow, when she comes over," "I will sit her down and say that this is simply not our/your taste." "The animals have got to go." "But the next morning..." "Up and at them, George McFaddem." "It's daylight in the swamp!" "Trey couldn't talk to anyone." "Hello, Mother." "Darling, what's the matter?" " Are you ill?" "Let Mother." " Sore throat." "Charlotte, telephone my house and tell Geneva to bring over some broth." "And my overnight case." "I know you're busy at the gallery." "I might as well stay until Trey's recovered." "What's this mallard doing here?" "He lives in the study." "Yes, Bunny." "Since I wasn't going to risk an awkward public confrontation with Aidan," "I wanted to make a gesture, a small way of saying thank you for inviting me, for being braver than me and for suggesting that we can be friends." "There was no sign of him, but he was everywhere." "In the mahogany bar, the wood floors, the carved ceiling." "The whole place looked and felt just like Aidan." " What are you doing here?" " I was in the neighbourhood." " I couldn't resist a sneak preview." " Did Miranda come with you?" "No, no." "I'm not going to be able to come to the opening so I just wanted to thank Aidan for inviting me." "It's a mulberry bush." "Because the bar's on..." "Mulberry Street." "Carrie, that's really sweet." "Only..." " Aidan didn't exactly invite you." "I did." " You did?" "I thought Miranda might feel more comfortable with you here." "So Aidan didn't invite me?" "No, not exactly, but..." "I've got to go." "That night, I wasn't the only one who was haunted." "One phone call later..." "Does the ghost like Oreos?" "I'm hoping there is a ghost, otherwise I'm insane." " You say that like it's either/or." " Sorry for making you come over." "I just needed a person here." "The cat's an unreliable witness." "I checked the haunted-house clause of the best-friend contract." "You're covered." "Meanwhile, across the park," "Charlotte, haunted by Bunny spending the night, couldn't sleep either." "Bunny!" "What are you doing?" "I remembered I had some Vicks." " It's the best thing for a cold." " I gave him some Nyquil." "Nyquil doesn't cure anything." "Except consciousness." " Shouldn't I do that?" " I've done it since he was a child." "But I am his wife." "If anyone does it, it should be me." "Not on his tummy." "You're trying to break up the phlegm." " You don't know what you're doing." " You're being very inappropriate." "I'm sorry, but this just isn't going to work." "Trey and I are back together." "This is our house." "We will redecorate it as we see fit." "No more plaid, no more duck decoys." "From now on, there can only be one lady of the house." "I've been in his house far longer than you, my dear." "And unlike you, I never left." "The decoys may come and go, but I'm going to be here forever." "Samantha, you home?" "Come on, baby, open up." "It's me, Sean." "Sean, what are you doing here?" "It's three o'clock in the morning." " Let's fuck." " How did you even get in?" "Your security code's the same." "Can I come in?" "Sean, you can't be here." "I got hard just walking up your stairs." " You got another guy in here?" " No." "Not another guy, no." "I'm Maria." "Samantha's girlfriend." "Good for you." "That's..." "Maybe I could come in and you two could make me a sandwich." "I don't think tonight's going to be good for us." "I'm only in town for..." "I'm sorry." "Get away from the door, motherfucker, before I call the cops!" "OK, good night." "With that, Maria released Samantha's ghost, and confronted Samantha." "You let men come to your door in the middle of the night?" " Let it go." "It's all in the past." " No, it's not in the past." "It's serving us drinks, it's on the answer machine, at your door in the middle of the night." "This might be a shock, but I used to have sex with men." "This man was here for nothing but sex." "Which I used to enjoy and haven't had much of in this relationship." "You call this a relationship?" "It's tedious, the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard, yes." " If you have something to say..." " I have nothing to say to you." "I am out of things to say to you." "All we do is talk, talk, talk." "The talking has replaced the fucking in our relationship!" "I don't want talk!" "I want passion, I want fireworks!" "Do you want fireworks?" "I'll show you fireworks!" "That's fireworks!" "What are you doing?" "Stop it!" "Stop!" "My plates!" "These are not your plates!" "You don't even cook!" "You want a little firework?" "Another little one?" "I didn't leave a card." "He won't know what the plant means." "It's like I plant-bombed him." " How did the bar look?" " Like Aidan." "It's amazing." " Good for Steve." " That's convincing." "I'm trying to be happy for him." "He's got his own bar, his own life, his own Jessica." "And I'm still here." "You know?" "In the same apartment, doing the same job, living the same life." "You have something no one has." "A ghost." "You have two ghosts." "At least Big's a friendly ghost." "Aidan, on the other hand..." "I'm afraid the way I treated him will haunt me the rest of my life." " There's nothing I can do." " There is." "Come to the party!" " He didn't invite me." " Steve's a good guy." "He wouldn't invite you if it wasn't OK." "Do you ever think that you might still have feelings for Steve?" "God, no." "Why?" "Do you?" "For Aidan?" "No." "I don't know." "I don't think so." "I don't know." "Thank you." "I left Miranda's early and got some sleep." "In daylight, it felt like all my ghosts had disappeared and I saw the world exactly as it was." "A few days later, Trey felt better too." "So did Charlotte, especially as Bunny had moved back into her own apartment." "Up and at them, George McFad..." "I brought some muf..." "Oh, dear." "I just brought..." "I brought muffins for breakfast." "Charlotte didn't know if it was making love or making love on a bed without a dust ruffle that offended, but their sex-orcism ensured Bunny never haunted their home again unless expressly invited." "While downtown, a dearly departed spirit suddenly reappeared." "It's been two days." "I was worried." " You didn't even call." " Neither did you." "I brought you a gift." " Better be dishes." " Open it." "Maria made one last effort to give Samantha what she thought she needed." "You bought me a strap-on?" "Samantha was touched." "Since she couldn't admit she was incapable of being in a relationship she simply said," "I guess we could give it a try." "That night, despite all my fears and reservations," "I let Miranda and Samantha talk me into going to the opening of Scout." "Who are all these attractive people?" "We're looking for Aidan, ladies, eyes akimbo." "That's it." "Stealth." "What you doing there, sister?" "Doing the robot?" " I threw my back out." " How?" "Fucking Maria with a strap-on." "She did me, I did her." "All that fucking and talking." "Men work so hard!" "How does a strap-on work?" "Is it belted?" "Could we not have the strap-on conversation now?" "This night is hard enough as it is." " How does it work?" " What did I say?" "It doesn't." "Maria and I broke up." "Sweetie, I'm sorry." "Did the strap-on break the relationship's back?" "Or just yours?" " Maria thinks I have intimacy issues." " She's crazy!" "I told her I'm not a relationship person!" " Absolutely." " You most certainly did." "Then she falls in love with me." "I need a drink." "Is it bad to have a Martini with a muscle relaxant or good bad?" "I don't know." "Are you operating machinery this evening?" "Never again." "Where's the bar in this bar?" "Miranda was right." "When you see a ghost, you know." "You can feel it." "The hairs on your neck stand up." "That was it?" "That's all I get?" "I don't even know what that was." " Was that Aidan?" " Does he look better or have I been with a woman too long?" "I'm going home." "I don't even know why I came." "Because I begged you to." "Let me buy you ladies a free drink." "I'll meet you at the bar." "You came!" "I'm so glad." "So, what do you think?" "I think..." " I think you did good." " You mean it?" " I did this because of you." " I didn't do anything!" "Are you kidding me?" "This whole thing was your idea." "You always said I should start my own bar." "I never forgot." "I just never thought that I could." "Thanks." "You did good." "Just like that, Miranda gave up the ghost." "Come on, let's get you drunk." "An hour later, since my ghost hadn't reappeared," "I snuck out the side door for some cake and a smoke." "You're not seriously smoking that, are you?" "Is that all you could carry, Carrie?" "Now I can't eat my cake." " Sure you can." "Here." " You got your fingers all in it." "It's my cake!" " So now you want your cake?" " I never not wanted it." "OK, lady." "You take the cake." "You cut your hair." "You have frosting on your lip." "Hey, partner." "It's time for our toast." "I thought you were the silent partner." "Glad you came." "Good to see you, Carrie." "Good to see you, too." "I had confronted my ghost, accepted and released him." "But now I was more haunted than ever." "Because what I felt out there was no ghost." "It was real."