"A player I don't care about, on a team I really don't care about dropped a ball last night, and I couldn't sleep." "It's easy to care about things that matter." "War, hunger, pestilence..." "Is that a thing?" "Pestilence?" "Pestilence." "Pestilence." "I see it as a triumph of the human spirit to be able to care so completely about something frivolous." " I found her!" " Found who?" "After a nationwide search, we have finally found our K-bal girl." "You had a vision." "Of a beautiful, perfect lady who would go to promotional events and hand out foam fingers and shoot a T-shirt Cannon." "And now the dream is a reality." "This is how JFK would have felt had he lived to see a man walk on the moon." "I'm sorry, we're celebrating the arrival of fake boobs on a stick?" " Carrie." " Agh." "Attacking the surgically-enhanced is the last refuge of the bigot." "I shudder to think who you would have picked on 50 years ago." "You don't get it, Carrie." "It's not about what's happening here." "It's about what's happening here and here and here." "She's a beacon of happiness in a dark, dark world." "It's like the statue of liberty, if she had stripped for a semester and then dropped out of community college." "Steven's right over there." "Here she comes." "Ryan, ready the T-shirt Cannon." "Hey." "World, meet Kimmie." "Hi." "Steven, I am so grateful for this opportunity." "Carrie, I have heard such great things about you." "I know that we're gonna be friends." "I'm in." "Ryan, I'm so nervous meeting you." "You're even more attractive than your voice." "Carrie, could you take this out of my hands for... ever?" "Go On S01 Ep08" " Videogame, Set, Match" "All those times my cat Cinderella wanted to bat a ball of yarn around with me, but I was too busy." "Then one day I have the time, she's moved on." "It's my real-life Cat's in the cradle." "♪ My cat was just like me ♪" "You know, there's a very deep connection between that and..." "Ryan, what are your thoughts on this?" "I honor it, Lauren." "♪ Oh, when you coming home... owner... ♪" "♪ I don't know when" "♪ but we'll get together then ♪ it's gonna be hard to pretend I know what this is about." "I'm sorry, I..." "It's cheat codes for a game." "I got sucked into a first-person shooter, and now I'm obsessed." "It's not Halo, is it?" "It is Halo, is it." "You know, I've never been much of a gamer, but this has really turned me." "You know, the minute you start playing, the whole world disappears." "Hours go by, not thinking or feeling anything." "Have you gotten to the plasma grenades?" " Yeah..." " Okay, is this a meeting of the Teenage Virgins Society?" "Because I would like to talk about something real." " Classic mud wasp." " Totally." "Now, speaking of getting real," "I have a very exciting announcement to make." "Now, we all know when people join us to work through their issues, they're only here for a limited time." "That's why this group is called transitions." "So it's not because another group beat you to the name Stone Cold Bummer Society?" "Yeah." "Next week, we are going to have a very special ceremony because one of our members told me she's ready to graduate." "Who's ready to graduate?" "I know it's not her." "Is medicine." "So I no make baby." "She's not ready to graduate." "It's me!" "As you know, I joined this group because the man I loved left me on our wedding day." "Never caught that." "Maybe I'm very self-centered." "Well, he just got married, and I thought I would be devastated, but as I watched the ceremony from the janitor's closet where I'd hidden all night, I realized I'm over him." "I'm healthy." "Yeah, you know, I can see it in your eyes." "The crazy's gone." "I kind of miss it." "There it is." "For my graduation," "Danny, you're in charge of toasts." "Anne, drinks." "Sonia, cake." "Mr. K, the slide show." "And Ryan, parking." "There's always plenty of parking outside." "Yeah, no one expects much from you." "So you wanna play at my place?" "I got a pretty sweet setup." "Dude, I got a 72-inch screen." "Wait, you're spoiled?" "I'm spoiled." "This is gonna be great." " See you tonight." " Okay." "Ryan." "I think it's really great the way that you're taking Owen under your wing." "I think in a lot of ways, he's just looking for a Big Brother figure." "You know, somebody to talk about life and..." "Hormones." " What?" " You know..." "Shucking the corn, beating the baby, whatever you guys call it." "What guys have you been hanging out with?" "Nothing... none of what you just said was anything." "Look, it's not gonna go deep." "Owen's the only guy who likes to talk less than I do." "It's fantastic." "Excuse me, Ryan." "Nothing personal, but I'd feel better if Fausta handled the parking." "Yeah." "That happen?" "Yeah, it did." "Dude." "Your aim sucks." "If we were really in the 26th Century fighting for our lives, I would abandon your ass." "Let's talk about centuries." "How was the 19th Century, grandpa?" "That's some serious smack." "You can hang." "Owen?" "Who is this?" "Hi, I'm Ryan King." "From Owen's group." "You must be Owen's mom." "I'm..." "I'm sorry, did we... did we wake you?" "It's 6:00 A.M." "The sun woke me." "But... have you been here all night?" "Yes, technically." "But this..." "We lost track of time." "It's nothing weird or anything." "Are you not a grown man who's a stranger to me?" "I am." "But in fairness," "I did offer up a sleepover at my house." "Okay, Owen, thanks for everything." "And thank you for your hospitality..." " Sit down." " Do it." " Okay." " Look, Mr. King, if you want to play video games all night, that's your business." "But, honey, you are in a rut." " Ma..." " No." "You don't go to school anymore." "You don't have a job." "Your brother's been in a coma for four months, and you still won't visit him." "You have gotta get out of this house because you're hitting rock bottom." "Rock bottom?" "I'm not a rock bottom." "I have my own radio show." "I spoke at a High School graduation when the mayor of Pasadena cancelled." "I spoke at it." "Let me show you what I see at 6:00 A.M." "Yeah, dude, you gotta turn your life around." "This is gonna be a fun place for you to intern." "A lot of sports stars in for interviews." "Hey, Ryan." "Is that Chris Bosh waving at you?" "Yes, but what you have to understand is to him, I'm the star." "And he's kind of right." " Ryan King." " Hey." "This is my buddy, Owen." "Owen, Chris Bosh." "Owen, how you doing, man?" "Just go wait in my office." "Yeah." " Sorry." " Anyway, man," "I need to get out of here in 30 minutes or less." "Okay." "Well, I will see what I can do, if you can block this shot." "So..." "Yeah, I'll get you out in 30 minutes." "Hey, man, thanks for getting me out of the house." "I mean, maybe this will get my mom off my back." "All she wants to do is talk about what's going on with our family." "Well, you've come to the right place." "This is a shallow zone." "Don't dive in with any emotional issues, you'll crack your head." "So what do you want me to do?" "Some filing, or..." "Nah, seems too deep." "Okay." "Hi, do you want a caramel apple?" "Happy Halloween." "They're amazing." "Yolanda, we are so proud of your work in group represented here by three photos Mr. K provided, two of your feet, and one of a man I have never seen." "I like to imagine that he's thinking of Yolanda." "You are now ready to move forward." "You are proof that the work we do here makes a difference!" "Speech!" "Yeah, Yolanda!" "Thank you, Lauren." "It's hard to imagine leaving." "Some of the best moments of my life have been being sad in here." "Thanks." "Give me a minute while I light the candles." " Way to go, yo-yo." " Congratulations, Yolanda." "Let's do this." "You guys, I don't think I can do this." "I'm not ready to leave the group," "I need this." "I need Lauren." "What?" "You see how excited she is about having a graduate?" "Come on, she deserves this." "Maybe somebody else should leave." "Who?" "No one else is even close." "I think I am getting worse." "Maybe she is not very good." "What if I have a problem?" " We'll still be here for you." " Sure." "Yeah, we're not just your group." " We're your friends." " That's right." "We can still hang out?" " Yeah." " Yeah, of course." "I'm doing something for Halloween." "Will you come?" "Let's not get overly specific." "Yolanda, are you ready to take the last step?" " Yeah!" " You better believe it." " She is!" " Totally ready." "You've been tempered by the fires of your pain, and now you rise from the ashes like the Phoenix." "And as you cross the threshold, prepare to soar to greater heights." "I'm so proud of you, Yolanda." "Oh, God." "Now, cross the threshold!" "Okay, crossing." "Cross that threshold." " Here we go." " Just cross it." "Crossing..." " Okay, we're gonna cross it..." " Yep." " And we're crossing it..." " Here we go." "See ya!" "Bye." "At the top of hour two, we got Pete Carroll." "Hey, sorry." "Hey, this is a job, man." "You can't just waltz in here whenever you feel like it." "You are, like, three games of Halo late." "Is this a new Suede jacket?" "Steven, I think somebody's trying." "This new Owen is pleasing to the eye and to the touch, but there's also..." "An olfactory component." "There's some kind of a man scent?" "Some kind of a body spray?" "You're trying to impress a girl." "Who is it?" "No one, man." "Who is she?" "Surely you didn't reinvent yourself as the Suede kid for us." "Young man, for whom have you draped yourself in these, the most sensuous of all skins?" "I'm not telling you who it is." "All right, if the Suede kid doesn't want to tell us that he's in love with Carrie..." "Carrie." "Then we need to respect that." "Totally." "I mean, the Suede kid loves deeply and quietly." "And never in the rain." "You should ask her out." "Yeah, because if you don't, we will for you." "We're gonna Cyrano this mess." "That's not what Cyrano is." "Suede kid is an expert on the Cyrano," "Okay, I'm out." "Owen, Owen." "You're a good-looking kid." "You are awesome." "Any girl would be lucky to have you." "Fine." "I'll think about it." "Hey, Ryan, I need you to sign these..." "What?" "Carrie, it's not all about you." "Don't get all Cyrano on us." "What?" "It has to mean something." "Thanks for meeting me, guys." "I was feeling so unsettled today." "I almost went back to the group." "Then I remembered how important my graduating was to Lauren." "This is the fourth time in four days you've gathered us." "Do you have any other support system you can lean on?" "Friends?" "Family?" "Alcohol?" "Not really." "Anyway, it's so nice you guys are here for me." "Anne and Sonia couldn't make it today." "Feels pointed." "So how's Lauren?" "Has she picked a new favorite yet?" "I want her to move on." "I mean, not too soon 'cause that would be kind of weird." "I guess you would call it separation anxiety?" "I'm not sure." "So it's just Yolanda and the boys today." "You know what that means." "A masculine take on my issues." "Well, Mr. K." "At least you're here." "Am I?" "I didn't mean to be." "Hey, have you guys seen Owen?" "Ohl saw him with some flowers, and he was headed towards Kimmie." "Kimmie." "He likes Kimmie." "Of course it's Kimmie, why did we think it was Carrie?" "What?" "I mean, she's cute as a button, but nobody's putting on body spray for Carrie." "It'd be silly." "You don't need to smell good for Carrie." "I'm right here!" "Here he is." "How'd it go, pal?" "You gonna be the new Mr. K-bal girl?" "She thought I was kidding." "She laughed." "It was a nightmare." "Yeah, rub some dirt on it, man." "Let me know when you wanna halo it up." "Well, that's it?" "You're not gonna go talk to him?" "He doesn't want that from me." "Who am I?" "No no." "No, no, no, no." "My beacon of happiness." "I just hurt the coma kid." "No, he hurt you." "Okay?" "Let's talk about you." "This is what happens when you bring your bummer people in here." "Owen left the office pretty upset, and he won't return any of my calls, and part of me feels somewhat responsible." "Because you took a vulnerable boy, you brought him into an adult world, and then you hazed him like he was pledging some kind of idiot old man fraternity?" "By inference, it seems that you also find me somewhat responsible." "You know, this would be better if you just yelled at me." "That's why I'm not yelling." "For some reason, Owen decided you matter." "He laughs with you." "You got a sick sense of humor like Owen and his brother." "I don't get it, I never found them funny, and I certainly don't find you funny." "You know, I know one person who would beg to differ." "A Mr. Woody Allen." "It's..." "Let's just keep going." "Anyway, I like to see my boy laugh." "So when he's ready to talk," "I suggest that you stop wasting his time on video games and start finding ways to matter, or else just get the hell out of his life." "I was wrong, it was better when you weren't yelling." "Well, it looks like we have a smaller group today." "Has anybody called Owen or Ryan?" "I called them." "But like the rest of you, they don't answer their mother-damned phones." "Okay, Yolanda, I'm sensing some tension." "You people suck." "You said you were my friends, but you all bailed." "And none of you called me back about Halloween." "We were all gonna get dressed up as different characters from Alice in Wonderland for a costume contest at my church." "In fairness to us, that sounds awful." "Plus, my phone's been acting up, so I mean..." "You guys know." "I don't have a cell phone." " No bueno." " Solar flare." "Really?" "Conference call, bitches." "Press 1 if you're a jerk." "Press 2 if you're a jerk in Spanish." "That feel said direct to me." " Guys, this is starting to..." " Okay, here's the truth." "You are a lot to take." "And, honey, that's coming from me." "You just seem disconnected from reality sometimes." "What I'm hearing is people have one kind of relationship inside the group..." "Don't pretend to be good at this." "If these losers hadn't pressured me into graduating, so you could have a victory, no one would ever leave this group." "What?" "If I had known you weren't ready to leave this group," "I would never have rung the ceremonial graduation gong." "This group is B.S., just like your gong." "Hey, Yolanda." "Don't Yolanda me, you're the worst of all!" "It was my understanding that she was the healthy one." "Come on!" "Hey, Owen." "Thought I might find you here." "So?" "So I think we should talk." "That's not our thing." "Well, maybe our thing is changing." "I think I owe you an apology." "Look, it's okay." "You didn't know Kimmie was gonna shoot me down." "No, not for that." "Dude, know your league." "She's even out of my league, and I can grow facial hair and buy stuff." " You just shot me." " Yeah, I did." "Look." "Maybe with what you're going through, you need more than video games." "Hey, don't get all wise, okay?" "I don't need to be Big Brother-ed here." "Maybe you do." "Maybe I'm the guy to do it." "Okay." "You wanna help me through my hard time?" "Let's see what you got." "All I can do is try." "But thanks for letting me in." "Hey, I got you a wedding present, losers." "I know this is scary." "But the longer you stay away, the harder it's gonna be for you to see your brother." "I know." "What's that?" "It's his ring." "He gave it to me before he went to college." "I was down, and he always had a way of making me feel better." "He would tell a joke, or sing that song Lean on me and wouldn't stop until I joined in." "He sounds like a good Big Brother." "I don't think I can do this." "You think you can go in, put this on his finger, and tell him I'm thinking about him?" "No problem." "Hey." "I know you don't know me, but I'm Owen's friend." "He's a really good kid, and he's gonna come see you really soon." "But until then, he..." "He... he wanted you to have this." "Mr. Shaw is napping, but you can go in." "No, I don't know Mr. Shaw." "I'm just messing with my friend." "What is this?" "My God, you're awake." "Owen!" "It's okay." "You were in a coma, but my singing brought you out of your coma." "Man, I had a appendectomy." "No, no, no, you..." "You had a skiing accident." "But you're fine now." "You put a ring on my finger?" "It's from Owen." "He loves you." "Who the hell is Owen?" " What?" " What?" " What?" " Nurse!" "No way." "Give me that." "You should have seen your face." ""My magical bad singing brought you out of a coma."" "Well, given the facts, it was a logical conclusion." "And excuse me for believing in miracles." "Look, you're the one who wanted to play Big Brother, okay?" "You're the one who wanted to give me what I'm missing." "Well, that, back there?" "Messing with each other?" "That's what we did." "That's what I miss." "That is sick." "That is sick." "I mean, we are gonna look back at this one day and laugh, but that doesn't count right now." "All right, all right, fine." "I mean, for what it's worth, this wasn't a terrible idea." "I mean, I..." "I know I gotta go see him." "Well..." "Yeah, when you're ready." " Yeah, that's not our thing." " Yeah, I know." "I was just checking." "Trick or treat!" "Trick or treat!" "What do you want?" "We're here to make things right." "I don't do this." "This is a big deal." "So react positively." "Yeah." "We're sorry." "We want you back." "It's not the same without you." "You're my favorite too, Lauren." "I love you, and I love your gong." "And I'm back." "And I'm never gonna get better." "Hi, guys." "I just came from work." "Sorry I didn't have time to get a costume." "You have a job?" "That's the thing about sports." "We go in for a diversion, but we can't keep it light." "If I could go back in history and change one thing," "I'd like to think I would prevent a war, but the truth is, I would probably prevent the Dallas cowboys from ever happening." "There's something about people." "We don't want to care, but we're wired to care." "We have to care." "I'll be right out here." "Thanks." "Hey." "It's me." "I'm here." "And..." "Halo done." "All right, I'm gonna grab another beer." "Why don't you get a new game out of the closet?" "All right." "Dude, I broke something." "What did you do?" "That's my wife's ashes." "My God, Ryan, I'm..." "I'm sor..." "I didn't know," "I just opened the door, and it fell, and I tried to..." " Those aren't her ashes." " Nope." "You put ashes in a vase just to get back at me." "You're sick." "You are sick, do you know that?" "Please don't tell your mom."