"All right, yes." "Hey, man, don't touch my shin every time there's a big play." " Yes!" " Don't touch me." "Hey, man, stop." "[ALL SHOUTING]" " There it is." " No!" "Nick, uh, Jess left her panties in the dryer." "Do you mind if I move them?" "Sure, man, I don't care." "Wait, why do you ask?" "You're not gonna move them in a weird way?" "I'm just trying to be respectful." "Before you were together, I moved her panties hundreds of times." " What?" " Hundreds of times?" "Were you just hanging around the dryer like some sort of panty-hawk?" "[LAUGHS]" "Panty-Hawk, I'd watch that show." " So should I go move them?" " Nick, you gotta move them." "So now I'm the panty mover?" "That's not a life." " Who is gonna move the panties?" " Coach, you move them." " Are they warm?" " You know what, you're out." " Grow up." "I'll move the panties." " Thank you." " Seems awfully eager." " Yeah, you're awfully eager, Schmidt." "I've been waiting my entire life to move your girlfriend's panties." "Stop saying "panties," bro." " Panties." " No, they're panties, with a D. "Panties."" " Panties." "SCHMIDT:" "Say "panties" like a normal person." "This is how a black dude would say it, "Pull your panties down."" "Here's how a white dude says it, "Pull your panties down."" "Guys, can you not see what the panties are doing to us?" "Stop saying "panties" when it comes to Jess." "This is why none of us should live with a woman." "I've got an idea." "You guys are never gonna believe what..." "You know what, I don't care." "The most amazing thing just happened." " Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" " Hey, watch where you're going!" "[TIRES SQUEALING]" "CECE:" "Oh, boy." "JESS:" "Sorry." "Sorry, my bad." "We thought we were gonna die." "But she was actually really sorry." "So she invited us to a party at her boss's house and they're sending a limo." "And guess who her boss is." "[IN UNISON] It's Prince!" " Prince!" " It's Prince!" " Prince?" " Nice." "We're going to a party at Prince's house." " We're going to a party at Prince's house." " We're going." "We're going!" "[CHUCKLING]" "That's not my underwear." "[SINGING] Who's that girl?" "CHORUS:" "Who's that girl?" " It's Jess" "JESS:" "Which shoes should I wear to Prince's house?" "White or black?" "White or black?" "Nick, come on, the limo's gonna be here any minute." "Which shoe, white or black?" " You look great." "I want this moment to end." " What are your open-toe options?" "None of it works." "We gotta start over." "Let's go." "You failed, bro." "Man, I am glad I'm not going to that party." "Too much pressure, am I right?" "In high school, going to a Prince party... would've been your dream come true." "You were obsessed." "[SINGING] So tonight we're gonna party Like it's 1999" "[CROWD BOOING]" "My mother had to cut those pants off me they were so tight." "Dearly beloved... we are gathered here today to celebrate this thing called Schmidt." "Nick, are you wearing cargo pants?" "You gonna wear those to an A-list party?" "How are we gonna transport all this cargo?" "Wait, we have Nick's pants." "We're saved." " Get the pants off." " We're not going." "Prince invited the hot girls, not the four dudes." " What?" "Why did I buy this $2000 suit?" " You idiot." "Dude, my suit cost $200, and mine came with socks stapled to the lapel." " Not gonna dap that." " Because it came with it." "Unacceptable." "This party was supposed to take me to the next level." " Next level of what?" " Don't ask." "In every man's life, there's one party that changes everything." "You don't understand." "And that's exactly why I'm leaving you all behind." "You've been waiting for cooler friends?" "Yes, of course." "Coach, look around." "This can't be the finish line." " Ha, ha." " Here she is." "Whoa." "You look great." " Why is Schmidt dressed up?" " I don't wanna talk about it." "Whoo!" "Prince." "Unbelievable." "Hey, look." "I'm in a limo." "I wish I had really long legs... so I could stretch them out the length of the limo." "Well, have fun." "I love you." "COACH:" "Mm." "Mm-hm." "Did Nick just tell me he loved me for the first time?" " Yeah." " And did I do finger guns back?" " Yeah, you did." " No." " Yeah." " Oh." "You're gonna want to drink this." "Driver, we're gonna need some more champagne." "Ah." " So..." " Yeah." "Dude, a man never says it first, okay?" "It wasn't my plan to tell her, it just slipped out." "She looked so pretty." " Is that how you feel?" "Do you love her?" " Of course." "But I wasn't gonna say it like that." "I was gonna wait." "You blurted it out." "Not a big deal." "That's what I do." "[SHOUTING] I love you!" "[COUGHING]" "Sometimes they say it back, sometimes they don't." "It's a numbers game." "I always do this." "I get too intense and then I freak girls out." "I blew it." "What do I do?" "Well, Nick, you can't take it back." "Well, that's not 100 percent true." "WINSTON:" "Damn, Prince's house." "COACH:" "Not bad, Prince!" " You think he has a pool?" "WINSTON:" "A drawbridge?" "NICK:" "We're never gonna get in." "We're not even in a limo." "COACH:" "We're in a Ford Fusion, the best car ever." "Gets double the gas mileage..." "Shut up." "That's all you've been talking about." "It's weird." "You get sexual when you talk about it." "I don't like it." "Double the mileage means you go double as far, double as long." " Shut up." " I'll let you borrow this, dude, you'll feel it." " Why don't I feel it right now?" " Feel it." " Oh, cowabunga!" " Felt it." "I'm gonna punch you in the face." "Drive the car." " Never been turned on by mileage?" " Never." " No." " Once." " When was that?" " It was a Thursday." " A Thursday?" " Yeah." "Drive." "I gotta tell my girlfriend I don't love her... so she doesn't leave me." "Like a normal person." "CECE:" "Amazing." "Can you believe it?" "No, I can't." "Finger guns?" "That was so stupid." "My brain just froze." "If the limo hadn't pulled away, I probably would've done a lasso." "I think you were just scared." "Scared of what, saying "I love you"?" "I say it all the time." "I'll say it right now." "I love you." "I love you." "Hi, I'm Clayton Kershaw." "I'm a Los Angeles Dodger." "Yeah, and I'm Jessica Day." "I'm a Los Angeles astronaut." "Ha, ha." "Not now, pal." " He's never gonna let us in." " What do we do?" "I need this as much as you." "My new life is waiting for me in that party." "Look, I can't help but think that now might be a good time for a little fire and ice." " No." " It's never a good time for fire and ice." "Fire and ice got you into parties in college, but it's not getting you into Prince's house." "Winston, what happens when you mix fire and ice?" "Warm water, baby." "[MIMICKING EXPLOSIONS AND WHISTLING]" "This is embarrassing." " It's bubbling." " It's bubbling." "BOTH:" "Warm water!" "Warm water!" " Ahem." "Um, yeah, I'm on the list." "WINSTON:" "Ernie?" "Winnie?" "Winston L. Bishop." " Ernie, is that really you?" " Oh, my goodness." " Man." " Come here, man." "Oh, my God, so good to see you." "This guy saved my life." "No, you saved my life." "Let me ask you, you still keep in contact with Freddy?" "Freddy didn't make it." "Freddy's gone." "[BOTH GRUNTING AND SHOUTING]" " No, come on, no." "No, man." " We ain't crying." "WINSTON:" "No, you cry, I cry." "This is a great night." "I hope nothing ruins it." "That's nice to see." "Come on in, guys." "BOTH:" "For Freddy." "Fire and ice." "It's bubbling." "Ha, ha." " That's remarkable." " That worked?" " We need our own fire and ice, pal." " Well, all right, man." "Ham and cheese." " I don't really think the name..." " Ham and cheese." " Nick." "Well, we should rehearse." "NICK:" "Excuse me." "What?" "Who's this guy?" " Nick Miller?" " Schmidt?" "You scoundrel, you." "Well, hot damn, come here, it's good to see you." "Yeah, well, the feeling's not mutual." "The last time I saw him, I was out in the desert, he was putting my mother into a prison." " You don't understand." " Keep this animal away from me." " It's my fault, we didn't rehearse." " Can we come into the party?" "You know what, we're gonna wait back here." "I get it." "It's my fault." "Nick?" "I'm Trojan Horsing inside a bunch of models." "Every man for himself." " Models, let me in, please." " No, sir." "Unhand me!" "Jess, hey." "There you are." "Excuse me." "Jess." "Nick, hi." "What are you doing here?" " I'm so happy to see you." "How'd you get in?" " I need to talk to you." " I know." " I can't leave it the way that was." "I know, because there's something, um, I really should've said back there and I didn't." "And I think it's important that I say it to you." "So, um, what I wanted to say is, Nick Miller..." "[ANDY ALLO'S "PEOPLE PLEASER" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] I..." "You should be a people pleaser" "Jess..." "She's all right." "Hey, Jess, you okay?" "Hi." "What happened?" " You had a panic attack and you fell down." " My God." "Which was actually worse than the finger guns." "I didn't think that was possible." "I think it's fair to say that I did not handle the situation very well." "NICK:" "No, look, it's fine." " In fact, I wanna take the whole thing back." " What?" "I shouldn't have said it." "It was an accident and, uh..." "Yeah, so, just kind of clear the air." " No." "No, Nick." " This just got very awkward." "SCHMIDT:" "Be strong, Nick." " What?" " What?" "I'm outside the hedge." "Do you see my arm?" "I'm trying to push through." " What are you doing up there?" " Be careful." "I lost my bearings." " I had to go high to avoid the spiders." " Nick." " Let's just wait for this to finish." " I'm breaching." " Hey, hey, hey." " Easy, easy." "ALL:" "Whoa." "Prince is terrible at Frisbee." "There's, like, 10 of these up there." "Can I talk to Nick alone for a second?" " You got it." " Yeah." "You're taking it back?" "Is that how you really feel?" "Well..." "How do you feel?" "PRINCE:" "Hi." "I'm Prince." "So, what seems to be the problem?" "Oh, how rude of me." "I haven't given you enough time to freak out yet." "You may do so now." "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "[SCREAMING]" "Oh, my God...!" "Nick!" "[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]" "I'm not familiar with this term "finger guns," can you elaborate?" "Uh, yeah, what's up?" "Whoa." "Don't point those at me, they might go off." "[BOTH LAUGHING]" "That was very much of the flavor of humor." " Listen, Nick, uh..." "Nick, right?" " Yes, that's my name." "Jess and I are gonna take a moment and just be alone." "All right." "I'm not worried... but why, what are you gonna talk to her about, Prince?" "You." "Nick, I never thought I'd say this, but I need to be alone with Prince." "All right, well, yeah." "So do you like pancakes?" "[SPINNERS' "HOW COULD I LET YOU GET AWAY?" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]" "And I can't tell green from blue No, no" "Like cat and mouse" "Cece, help." "Bouncer's after me." " Oh." " Oh." "Like parents often do" "In the middle of the room" "He's gone." " He's gone, Schmidt." " Is he gone?" "Mm-hm." "Ha, ha." "You can stop now." "He's tenacious." "He's definitely gonna be back." "Ha, ha." "Pretty sure it's all clear." "It's always good to see old friends." "Thank you." " How could I let you get away?" " Baby" "So tonight's the night you're just gonna leave us all behind... and get cooler friends, right?" "Heh." "Yeah, right." "Heh." "WINSTON:" "We should be dead." "We should be dead." "I never thought I was gonna see him again." "He's getting emotional right now because this is real." "If you cry, I'm gonna cry." "I'm gonna cry, then we can cry together." "Poor Freddy." "Jess is with Prince." "And I've been drinking." " Wait, Jess is with Prince?" " And I've been drinking." "Who are these two?" " Fire and ice, get out." " It's getting warm in here." " Yes." " It's actually a little chilly." "Give me a break." "I see what you're doing." "Trying to tempt me sexually." " Not interested." " What are you doing?" "That leads to me taking my jacket off, and all of a sudden, you got me in my underwear." "I'm not a dummy." "Take a walk." " No one's interested." "We got business." " So rude." " No, no, no." "Stay, stay, stay." " Idiot." "Yeah, I'm an idiot." "WOMAN:" "Ciao." " No." "No ciao, no ciao." "You'll be replaced by robots before you can say fragicalilicious!" " You're bringing fire and ice down." " Don't bring fire and ice down." "Don't start, I'm having a terrible day." "Who cares about them?" " Who cares?" "I care." " I feel like dancing right now." "Dancing's not the answer." "You can't dance." "It's only gonna get worse." "Let's tear the roof off this joint and show Prince how we do!" "Thanks, Charles." "Wanna know why you can't tell that dude you love him?" " I wanna say it, but..." " You're scared." "Exactly." "If you say it and things don't work out, what then?" "I really care for him." "And I'm just worried I'm gonna lose him." " That's stupid." " You're stupid." " I forgive you." " Oh, my God, thank God." "Besides, anything beautiful is worth getting hurt for." " Very well put." " You know who said that?" "No." "Me." "You're good." "Gah." "I wish I were more like you, Prince." "Finish your pancake, let's get to work." "Oh, it's really good, but I'm super full." " Pancake." " Okay." "Here, put this on." "That's beautiful, but I don't think I can pull it off." " Don't argue with me." " Okay, got it." "[PRINCE'S "WHEN YOU WERE MINE" PLAYING]" "[CHUCKLES]" "Oh, girl When you were mine" "I used to let you..." " Repeat after me." "Love." " Love." " You were so fine" " So fine" " Love." " Love." " Fourteen-zero, my lead." " What am I supposed to be learning here?" "Fifteen-zero." " Love." " Love." " Love." " Love." "You're not saying it right." "Do you understand now?" "Yes, I think I do." "Ha, ha." "What about now?" "No." "Mm-mm." "No." "Look in there." "Wait, stop, no, I'm afraid of the dark!" "[JESS SCREAMING]" "I said stop being afraid." " Boo." " Aah!" "Yeah." "This is what sexy is." "[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]" "So, what do you think?" "I think you need to go find Nick." " I don't know how to thank you." " Shh." "I honestly didn't hear a word you said." "Okay." "Okay, gotcha." "This is your party now." "[SIGHS]" "To the VIP room?" "With the two of you?" "COACH:" "You can't handle it!" "CECE:" "Come on, you got it!" "You can't beat me!" " Come on." "You got it." " Five, four..." "You don't got it." " You can't do it." " He's gonna do it." " You can't do it." "Two." " Come on now." " You can get it." "Don't give up." " One." " What?" "That's impressive." " Damn it." "Mm." "New record." "Surrounded by celebrities and millionaires and you dingbats are playing Lemon Mouth." "[WINSTON AND COACH CHUCKLING]" "Rind me, woman." " Really?" " Okay, here we go." " All right, let's go." " Let's get this party started." " New record time." "Check this out." " All right." "Let's go." " Here we go." "Ten, nine, eight..." " What are you doing?" "Seven..." " The hell are you doing?" " What?" " You're not supposed to eat the lemon." " New record." " That's not even the game!" "[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]" "[CHAKA KHAN'S "I WAS MADE TO LOVE HIM" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]" "JESS:" "Nick Miller." "Hey, Jess." "I'm not sorry that I said it." "Hate to say this, but I couldn't hear you, it's very loud." "[SHOUTING] I love you!" "I love you, Nick Miller!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah" "When I was knee-high to a chicken" "What the hell are you wearing?" " Prince dressed me." " Awesome." "[BOTH LAUGHING]" "[CROWD CHEERING]" "Anybody wanna fall in love tonight?" "Oh, my...!" "Oh, my God!" "[SINGING] Don't Don't you wanna" "Don't you wanna?" "Fall in love tonight?" "Crazy." "It's a special night My favorite group" "The moon threatened to dance her Out of her shoes" "In his ear He was about to hear" "An offer that he could not refuse" "She said don't Don't you wanna" "BOTH:" "Don't you wanna fall in love tonight?" "Don't Don't you wanna" "Wanna fall in love tonight?" "She said underneath the taffeta" "There ain't no better hiding place" "If I see the moon I'll just laugh it up" "Wanna wake up to your pretty face" "Don't Don't you wanna" "Don't you wanna fall in love tonight?" "Did that happen?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "So we just danced with Prince." " With Prince, that's right." " That was fun." "That was fun." " Yeah." " Heh." "Jess, how did you know the words?" "I think Prince is magic." "I've always thought Prince was magic." "Where do we go from here?" "How do we move on from this?" "Do I just go to work tomorrow?" "[CHUCKLES]" "Wait a minute." "Where's Cece?" " I'll take it easy on you." " Thank you." "[OHIO PLAYERS' "SKIN TIGHT" PLAYING]" "You wanna put some money on this?" "Yeah" "Mm"