"FORTUNE COOKIE" "Get the fuck out of here you skinny strand of dickweed!" "I'll break your fucking neck with my pinky." "You probably got a dick the size of the can right there." "Well if it isn't Nolan Ryan." "How many strikeouts this week?" "Hey Jack." "So what are you gonna do with your commision this week Broadneck?" "Well." "What?" "Don't tell me you haven't sold anything." " How long's it been?" " Well about" " Three months." "Three fucking months." "And Petterson still hasn't canned you?" "God." "She must have the hots for you." "Well she says it's just a bad streak and all I need is some confidence." "Don't you believe it, Broadneck." "She's just being nice to you." "A salesman sells." "It is that simple." "A salesman sells." "And when he's not selling, he's not a salesman." "And who needs a salesman that's not selling?" "You're at the end of your line, Broadneck." "But I've got the answer to all your problems!" "What you need is a lucky charm." "I don't know Jack." "I've been wearing my lucky tie for a month now and and my lucky shoes for two months." "And I've lost as many sales with these as with any." "No Harold." "You don't get it." "These are necessities, not charms." "What you need is something from mother nature." "Something untamed." "Something wild." "Representing luck." "Coated with luck." "Distilled with luck." "Tested for decades." "Revered for centuries." "Honored for millenia." "You need a lucky rabbit's foot." " How much this time?" " Oh christ Broadneck." "We're getting into routine here." "I'm starting to feel sorry for you." "Here." "This ones on the house." "Think of it as a farewell gesture of charity." " What do you mean?" " I'm outta here Broadneck." "Petterson says I'm the front-running for the Omega account." " Omega?" " Yeah Omega." "Top dog." "And once I get the Omega account I'm outta this jungle." "Away from scum like you." "And him." "It's Wilson." "You know, he might be the only person around here as pathetic as you." "Look at the balls on that man." "He's trying for my Mrs. Penapult." "She only goes for the legends." "Ricky "two-tongue" Greenblatt." "Eddie "endurance" Palestrani" "Man she sucks a mean dick." "Oh look." "He's prancing the mound." "There's the wind up." "And the pitch." "That hurts." "So much for Wilson!" "Hey." "Why don't you try?" "No." "No." "Well, I've see enough anguish for one day." "I'm gonna go get myself a good lunch, hell I deserve it." "You hungry?" "Some of my luck may run off on you." "No I've gotta make a sale." "You give him hell Broadneck." "You make me love you." "I didn't want to do it." "I didn't want to do it." "I want your love, that's true." "Yes I do." "Indeed I do." "You know I do." "Give me give me give me give me what I cry for." "You know you got the kind of kisses." "That I'd die for." "You know you made me love you, baby!" "Hello could I speak with Mrs. Petterson please?" "Harold Broadneck." "No I didn't." "Listen could you just get me Mrs. Petterson, please?" "Oh hi, Mrs. Petterson." "Well it's been a bit slow." "Not many bites." "No, no big ones." "No." "No small ones." "Well I guess I didn't sell any." "Yes I know Mrs. Petterson, three months." "But I'm trying though Ma'am." "I know, but I need this job." "Please, Mrs. Petterson." "My last day?" "But Mrs. Petterson." "Alright." "I understand." "I'll try." "Yeah I know." "Confidence." "Yes." "Yes." "Confidence." "Take courage, today is your day for success." "Take courage, today is your day for success." "Hey sure, why not?" "Everybody has their day." "I've had my share of losers." "Don't you see?" "I've had my losers." "It could be my day." "Or even your day." "That's right." "Just a bad streak." "Everybody has bad streaks." "4.95 and a 50 cents tip." " Hello." " Oh a salesman." " What are you selling?" " Oh, quite a few things." "Perhaps, it would be more comfortable if..." "Oh come in." "Would you like a glass of ice tea?" " Please." " With a slice of lemons?" " Please." "I did it!" "I sold a large one, and a small one." "I could be salesman of the month!" " Can I help you?" " Yeah!" " I need a fortune cookie." " No." "Okay, I'll pay for it." "Order some food." "I'm not hungry." "Eat some fucking food." "Okay fine." "Get me an eggdrop soup." "And dont forget the fortune cookie." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Yes." "Two straight weeks now." "It's been incredible Mrs. Petterson." "Success comes to the successful man." "Omega?" "Of course I've heard of the Omega account." "It's every salesman's dream." "Of course I'm interested." "Promotion?" "Corporate staff?" "Aww c'mon, what pressure?" "I'm a salesman, Mrs. Petterson." "And a salesman sells." "Thank you." "Hey Mr. Salesman." "How are you doing?" "Listen, if you want to fuck my wife, you can fuck my wife." "You want to fuck my wife?" "You can fuck my wife." "What's the problem?" "You gay?" "First you could fuck my wife, then you could fuck me!" "Then I'll fuck the both of you." "What do you say?" "Fuck off!" "Wow, Broadneck!" "What's your hurry?" " I've got to use the bathroom." " You know Broadneck..." "I've been hearing some strange things." "Wilson's been telling me that you're the number one man now." "Something like three straight weeks without a strikeout." "I really got to use the toilet, Jack." "You're making my sales look like a rookie, Broadneck!" "And in a couple days Petterson's going to give you a chance at Omega?" "!" " Now what's up?" " Nothing." "Broadneck." "I know you." "You're a loser." "You couldn't sell shit to a fly, but somehow you are." "Now what's your deal?" "Late night deals with the devil?" "Nothing!" "I've got to shit!" "You've got to poop?" "Well I'll join you." "My rabbit's feet, isn't it?" "Fuck your rabbit's feet." "Throwing him out was the brightest thing I ever did." "Jesus Broadneck!" "What have you been eating?" "!" "Fucking Chinese food." "So that's it." " What are you talking about?" " It's the Chinese food!" "What do you mean?" "Oh c'mon, I'm a salesman too." "We've all got our little games." "Yours just happens to be a particular Chinese restaurant." "At a particular time of day." "In a particular booth." "Eating a particular plate of food?" "What is it Broadneck?" "Moo goo gai pan?" "Shrimp and lobster sauce?" "Subgum chop suey?" "C'mon Broadneck!" "You're addicting to a ritual." "Only yours makes you shit like a fucking dog." "Fucking Chinese food." "It's not the food." "Well what is it?" "C'mon Broadneck." "You can tell me." "Say uhh please..." "C'mon Broadneck." "Since this find of yours, I've been slipping." "I haven't had a sale in a week." "Say please." "Help me out, Harold." "Say it." "Okay." "Okay." "Please." "That wasn't so hard." "How about..." "Pretty please, with sugar on top, Mr. salesman of the month, sir." "C'mon Harry!" "I need to know!" "Say it!" "Please, with sugar on top, Mr. salesman oh God, I can't remember." "C'mon Harry." "Show some mercy." "I'm begging you." "Please!" "Okay!" "Okay okay okay!" "Don't sob!" "Here, look!" "A mystical, magical fortune cookie." "Hey, I didn't say to open it!" "I had to spend 4.95 for that!" "Wow." "What's it say Jack?" "Nothing." "What do you mean nothing?" "C'mon what's it say Jack?" "If I tell you it won't come true." "It's not yours!" "I just gave you that cookie to look at!" " The fortune belongs to me!" " No!" "It's mine!" "It's a good one too isn't it?" "That's why you're keeping it!" "C'mon give it, you fuck!" "Get out of my way!" "I want that cookie!" "I want that cookie!" "Give it!" "Give it!" "I want it, give it to me!" "Give it!" "Look at it!" "Okay." "This is the best one yet!" "You tried to keep it!" "Prepare of mounds of fucking!" "Or should throw in fucking Chinese food, Jack!" "Yes, it's mine." "Fame, Jack." "A legend." "Penapult?" "You're not going after Penapult?" "!" "Watch." "You can't do it Broadneck." " You're nothing but a superstitious loser!" " What's going on?" " She's going to embarrass Broadneck!" " Broadneck's going after Penapult?" "Shit, man." " Well, who are you?" " Harold Ma'am." "Harold Broadneck." " What have you got for sale?" " Quite a few things." "Perhaps we would be more comfortable if we uhh did this inside." "Of course." "A legend, how do you think he does it?" " Lucky charms, it's all lucky charms." " What's his angle?" "Rabbit's feet." "Can I interest you in a foot?" "Hi, Mrs. Petterson." "Listen I'm coming in to polish up some last minute details for the Omega pitch tomorrow." "What?" "You're leaving the country?" "For how long?" "For that long?" "And they want me to pitch today?" "In half an hour?" "No." "No I'm ready." "I know how much time went into this." "And money." "No." "No I won't crack Mrs. Petterson." "Right." "Right." "Half an hour, I'll be there." "Right." "Yeah." "Bye." "There are times when the wisest thing to do is nothing." "Sometimes inaction is better then action." "Okay." "All good things must come to an end?"