"To your knowledge, did the departed drink more than two alcoholic beverages daily?" "Yes." "To your knowledge, was the departed born in a hospital?" "[Swallows] I think so." "To your knowledge, did the departed ever attempt suicide?" "I don't know." "I understand you want to protect your husband's privacy, but the more questions you answer honestly, the better chance your claim will be processed." "He told me..." "[Clears throat] he took some pills once in high school." "So is that a "yes"?" "Yes." "[Line rings]" "[Click]" " Woman:" "Hello?" " Hello." "Angel?" "I'd like to make an appointment." "[Vacuum cleaner whirring]" "[Doorbell rings]" "Hey." "I'm Angel." "I'm Nora." "Come on in." "Have a seat." "Can I get you something to drink?" "No." "Thanks." "I'm good." "Nice mattress." "That for us?" "That's for me." "You want me to watch you?" "No, I want you to shoot me." "No way." "No fuckin' way." "Nora:" "Just... $2,000 for two seconds." "Your ad specifically said, "nothing is forbidden."" "Lady, I fuck people." "I don't kill them." "If I wanted to die, I wouldn't need you." "I'll talk you through it." "It's kevlar." "All you have to do..." "Is aim right here." "Just above the stomach, just below my heart." "You've done this before?" "Yes." "Why didn't you just get the person that shot you last time?" "She said she wouldn't do it again." "I need another thousand." "Ok." "Go ahead." "What if I miss?" "You won't." "What happened to you?" "[Rock music blaring]" "Hold it up." "Two hands." "All right?" "Ok?" "[Shouting] Aim right here!" "Just pull the trigger, ok?" "Nora:" "On 3." "1... 2... 3!" " Do it!" " Just wait!" " Just do it!" " I can't!" " Just do it!" " I can't!" "Do it now!" "[Music stops]" "[Gasps]" "S01E06 Guest" "Downloaded from G2G.fm" "Woman:" "Nora Jamison Durst, you have provided the appropriate documentation, certifying the respondents' status as "departed"?" "Yes, I have." "And you wish to dissolve the marriage between yourself, the plaintiff, and the respondent," "Douglas Isaac Durst?" "I do." "And is there any matter of custody or removal of children, here named Jeremy and Erin, to be resolved within this application?" "My children are also departed, your honor." "I'm sorry to hear that." "Should the departed respondent return, this will remain binding." "Do you still want to proceed?" "My husband was sleeping with our kids' preschool teacher." "Yes, I'd like to proceed." "All right." "The court hereby grants a judgment of divorce." "While you're here, would you like to legally revert to your maiden name?" "It's just another form..." "No, thank you." "I'd like to remain Nora Durst." "Hey." "Hey." "That's a traffic ticket, I can get you out of it." "Oh." "Divorce." "I just got myself out of it." "Oh." "Small world." "Me, too." "You're joking." "No, I should have got the hint when she joined the guilty remnant." "[Laughs]" "Oh, you're not joking." "Oh, no." "I don't know how to joke." "[Chuckles]" "Do you want to go to Miami?" "What?" "I was supposed to go to this work conference in Manhattan on Friday, but it's gonna be terrible, and I was thinking maybe Miami instead." "Oh, uh..." " Oh, I live with my daughter, so I..." " Oh, fuck your daughter." "I'm sorry." "That..." "I am so sorry." "Look..." "[Telephones ringing]" "Woman:" "Department of sudden departure." "Hi, Tracy." "Is he in?" " Yes, he is." " Ok, thank you." "Hey." "[Knocks on door]" "Man:" "Come in." "Ma'am, the benefits aren't determ... right, but our office has nothing to say about... [Click]" "Hello?" "Ma'am?" "[Dial tone]" "[Hangs up phone]" "I feel like I have the same conversation 80 fuckin' times a day." "I have no idea what you mean." "Sit." "[Clears throat]" "So, uh, you ready for your panel, whatever, at drop?" "Yes, sir." "They put me on day two, along with Rhode Island and Connecticut." "Just don't let them bully you into taking questions about the data." "All right, they gave us a pass last year, but they're gonna want answers this time." ""I'm sorry, sir or madam, I'm not qualified" ""to analyze the data from our questionnaires." "I don't even have access to it before it goes to our statisticians in Annapolis."" "Oh, shit." "Annapolis." "Speaking of, what are you doing on 121?" "What?" "I just got this email." ""Please inquire ID 42ecn as to the manner by which he/she presents question 121."" "What are you doing?" "Ok." "I'm not doing anything." "It says here you're 100% affirmative." "Every single one of your applicants answers 121 "yes."" "Isn't that what we're supposed to be looking for, a pattern?" "Everyone else who ask the questions get plenty of "nos."" "It's only a pattern for you." "Maybe you're, um..." "Mentioning what happened to you, hmm, you know, before you roll, just to get people comfortable?" "I would never do that." "Ok." "Sure." "No, I know." "I'll talk to Annapolis." "Mmm." "Well, enjoy the conference, ok?" "Hey." "When you took it, when they asked you 121, what'd you answer?" "I said yes, all 3 times." "[Telephone rings]" "[Beep] Nora on tape:" "Hello." "You've reached the Durst residence." "Please leave a message." "[Beep]" "Man:" "Hi, Nora." "It's Rick Carson." "Just wanted to thank you again for being a panelist at this year's departure-related occupations and practices conference." "Your unique perspective is really valuable to us." "And a heads-up." "We're expecting a big crowd this year, so register early." "I'm really looking forward to meeting you in person." "[Beep]" "[Overlapping chatter]" "[People shouting]" "Look in the Bible." "Look right now." "Look today!" "Man:" "They're poisoning us!" "[People chanting]" "Have you seen this?" "Man:" "He's still here." "He's hiding in a basement in sicily." "Don't trust the Vatican." "The pope is still here." "Second man:" "Any fucking time now." "Fuck you!" "Sons of bitches." "Man:" "Can't do this to us!" "[Bell rings]" "Man:" "Ms. Durst." " You are staying with us for two nights?" " Nora:" "Mm-hmm." "So what's up with all the people outside?" "There's a lot more than last year." "Well, you know, anything about the departure for some people." "Can't let it go." "Hmm." "This is the hotel's code of conduct." "Please read carefully and sign." "We had some issues with your conference last year." "Really?" "Better cancel the kegger." "Heh heh!" "Registration is on the third floor." " Enjoy your stay." " Thank you." "Woman:" "Ok." "There you go." "Hi." "Nora Durst." "Durst." "Great." "Uh..." "Here's your welcome bag." "Let me look up your badge." "Hey, you want a good cry, read that." "He lost 4 people on the 14th." " That's terrible." " Isn't it?" "Um..." "Looks like somebody already picked up your badge." "What?" "I just got here." "Well, somebody must have picked it up by mistake." "No worries." "This'll get you in to all the events." "Sorry for the confusion, ok?" "Next person?" "Hi." "Your name, please?" "Williams." "'Scuse me." "I'm sorry." "I need my badge." "I..." "I'm a panelist tomorrow." "I work for the department of sudden departure and I'm a legacy." "I'm sorry for your loss." "I'd like to give you a legacy decal to go on your guest badge," " but we don't have any left." " No, of course." "Thank you." "But you understand that if somebody took my badge..." "Well, I'm sure it was just an innocent mistake." "Why don't you go into the mixer?" "Everyone is in there." "I'm sure your badge is in there, too." "Yes." "Next person, please." "[Overlapping chatter]" "Man:" "They can deny it all they want." "North Korea lost people." "Second man:" "We can't ignore the possibility." "Oh!" "God." "Hey there, easy..." ""Guest"?" "[Chuckles]" "What's up?" "Marcus." "I have the most interesting job at the conference." "And I don't believe in name tags." "If you want to know what I do, just ask me." "It's a fucking madhouse this year." "You might want to watch out for baldy over there." "He's working the room, asking people, "do you really want to feel this way?"" "It's a great fucking pitch." "I give him that." "I mean, who the fuck wants to feel this way?" "I have to go." "It was nice meeting you." "Hey, hey, hey, guest." "So you're seriously not gonna ask me what I do?" "Ok, what do you do?" "You don't want to know what I do." "Ok." "[Scoffing]" "Man:" "We can't deny the rising instances of post-departure delusion disorder." "Or some pundits have cheekily taken to calling it" ""the prophet's dilemma."" "For most of humankind's existence, certain individuals have come forth as self-professed interpreters of the world's mysteries." "But what happens when those conversat with God go wrong?" "Following a catastrophic event or circumstance, let alone one that defies scientific explanation, the incidence of prophetic delusion rise dramatically." "And this isn't just megalomaniacs who make the news for a week." "This is happening to our friends, our neighbors, our own families." "This belief that a higher power is speaking to us, whether through dreams or signs, even voices, is a powerful coping mechanism, and if left unchecked, it is a very dangerous one." "Woman:" "Thank you, sir." "I can wait as long as you want." "I am so sorry." "I thought you were somebody else." "You don't remember me, do you?" "No." "Last year, you called me a heartless bitch at the farewell party." "I don't know..." "No, that wasn't me." "Yes, it was." "Your name is Nora." "You lost your husband and kids." "[Door opens]" " You work for Linden-Bix?" " I do." "[Door closes]" "You said my kids disappeared because I gave them frosted flakes." "No, I mentioned a correlation between eating cereals high in sugar and pre-adolescent departures in a cocktail conversation." "And then you made me cry in front of a roomful of people." "I am sorry." "Last year I didn't..." "I..." "I was having a really hard time." "You're doing so much better now." "Man on intercom:" "May I have your attention, please?" "The breakout session of the Brandenburg carousel has been moved to room 6-b." "6-b in 10 minutes for the Brandenburg carousel." "Thank you." "I'll take the next one." "[Elevator bell dings]" "[Loud chatter]" "Holy shit!" "It's guest!" "Oh, get in here." "We haven't seen you." "You know, actually..." "she's crazy, this one." " I was just going." " No, no, you're not." "You're going up the elevator." "Ha ha!" "This is wild." "Get this, get this." "I gave this young lady my best "you don't want to know,"" "and she still refused to ask me what I do." "Oh, I like her." "Well, guess what, guest?" "We got you now." "You're coming up to the hospitality suite for drinks." "Thanks, but I have a panel tomorrow, so I... [all groan]" "[Buzzer]" " Fuck, Marcus!" " No, no, no, no." "You have a choice, guest." "You can playy the rules of this fucking depressing conference like everybody else, or you can go down the rabbit hole with us." "So what's it gonna be?" "You want to spend the next two days of your life dying, one panel at a time, or do you want to live?" "[Women giggling]" "Oh, ho, ho!" "Oh, yes!" "Man:" "Oh, poor Patrick Johansen." "It's a fuckin' tragedy, what happened to him, yeah." "Marcus:" "Four!" "He lost 4." "Did you read the book?" "I try not to read anything that comes in a fuckin' tote." "Leave that shit to the oranges." " What's an orange?" " Woman:" "The badges." "You know, some people have the orange stickers?" "The legacies?" "Legacies, orphans, survivors." "Whatever they want to be called this year." "It's awful." "It's a fucking tragedy." "It's like I'm supposed to treat them better than anyone else?" "How many times am I supposed to say I'm sorry, right?" "Right, right." "[Sets down bottle]" "You pregnant, guest?" "What?" "Any suicidal thoughts, history of heart problems?" "No." "What is this?" "Don't worry." "Fda's gonna approve them next year." "Have fun." "Woman:" "Yo, guest!" "Guest!" "Why the fuck would you work for the DSD?" "I like giving people money." "Marcus:" "Whoa, whoa." "All those questions you ask, seriously." "So you really think you're gonna find out why them?" "You're gonna crack the case?" "[Squeals]" "I'm sorry, sir or madam." "I'm not qualified to analyze the data from our questionnaires." "I don't even have access to it before it goes to our statisticians in Annapolis." "[Laughs, squeals] Man:" "It's a fucking scam." "The insurance companies won't pay out on the departures because they're technically not dead, and then your department created this little questionnaire so that people won't want to collect on their benefits." "Hey, look, if your fucking dad died in a jet skiident, right, would you have to answer 150 yes or no questions about what food he liked or whether he had anal sex?" "We do not ask questions about anal sex." "Ha ha ha!" "He's fucking with you, guest." "He's fucking with you." "You do an important job." "We all do an important job, all of us!" "Ok." "Marcus?" "Yes?" "What do you do?" "All:" "You don't want to know!" "[Laughter]" "You know that's my line!" "That's my line!" "I say that." "That's my pickup line." "Marcus:" "Open." " You sell these?" " Forty grand a pop." "Our basic models are cheaper, but they're less convincing." "It looks exactly like you." "Down to the appendectomy scar." "We take photos of the departed and home videos, whatever they give us, and then we slowly generate every little thing that made them them." "You know, scars, tattoos, piercings, body hair." "Then, 4 to 6 weeks later, voila." "They got their loved one back." "You make people pay $40,000 for this?" "Uh, heh heh heh!" "You think I'm soulless?" "You think I'm taking advantage of these poor, grieving people." "But no, no, no, no." "They're coming to us, you know?" "And... [Scoffs] Look at this." "140 million bodies disappeared." "That's demand." "We are simply providing the supply." "[Sighs] It's pretty amazing, helping someone rebuild the person they lost, bit by bit." "This, they can bury in the ground." "This is here, this, this." "This is real." "I want them to have that." "I want them to have something real." "It's a pretty good pitch." "I'll give you that." "[Giggles]" "So tell me, guest, am I soulless?" "No." "You have a soul." "Can I kiss you?" "I want to kiss you." "You're married." "I am married." "But I still want to kiss you, and I believe you want to kiss me." "Ok." "What?" "Ha ha!" "What are you doing?" "[Laughter]" "You go, girl." "Man:" "Check this out." "[All clamoring]" "Really?" "You're making me jealous." "Marcus:" "This is horrible, horrible." "Don't look at this." "Shh!" "Shh!" "All chanting:" "Guest!" "Guest!" "Guest!" "Guest!" "Guest..." "[Loud knocking on door]" " Man:" "Nora Durst?" " Yes?" "Security!" "Open up!" "[Coughs]" " Open this door now!" " I'm coming." "[Knocking continues]" "Open up!" " Yes?" " Nora Durst?" " Yes?" " You need to pack up your things." " We're escorting you from the hotel." " What?" "I don't understand." "You destroyed hotel property." "The mirror in the bar?" "I wasn't in the bar." " Let's go, Ms. Durst." " Wait!" "Stop!" "You..." "listen to me!" "I wasn't in the bar last night." "Someone took my badge." "They're... they're pretending to be me." "See?" "The conference, they gave me this because my badge was stolen." "That's the person you should be looking for." "They're impersonating me!" "I'm not with your conference." "I'm with the hotel." "You signed the code of conduct." "You broke it." "We want you out." "Let's go." "Nora:" "You can't do this!" "I didn't do anything wrong!" "I have..." "I have a panel in a few hours!" "If we see you on these premises again, we're gonna call the police." "[Door closes]" "Morning." "Nora:" "Thanks for printing those out." "Um, I lost my ID at a conference." "I have to get back for a panel I'm on." "I work for the department of sudden departures." "This is good." "Man:" "So, Nora Durst, what are you doing back in my hotel with a fake credential and a gun?" "Nora:" "That's not for..." "I forgot I had that with me." "I am supposed to be on a panel this morning." "So, why did you throw a bottle at the mirror behind the hotel bar?" "I wasn't in the bar." "Someone is impersonating me." "No offense, but who would want to pretend to be you?" "I don't know." "There are a lot of sick people out there." "Maybe somebody's doing it for attention." "I..." "My husband and two children are...departed, and that sort of thing, it gets a lot of sympathy." "Jesus, your whole family?" "What are the odds?" "One in 128,000." "Ok, let's try this on for size." "I know how these conferences can be." "Away from home, new people." "So maybe things got out of hand," " one drink too many..." " Nora:" "No..." " No, no..." " listen to me." "Maybe you did go down to that bar and things got out of control." "Maybe you've been under a lot of stress and you just... lost your grip on things." "Is that possible?" "No, that is not possible." "Please, just..." "She is probably on my panel right now." "The other panelists don't know me." "She could walk onstage with my badge and nobody would stop her, so please!" "All right." "If I walk you down to that conference room and there's no one there pretending to be you, then you leave this hotel and I never see your face again." "Deal?" "Deal." "[Moderator speaking]" "I'm sorry." "The session's already started." "We're just gonna be a minute." "Moderator:" "Next we have Marquee Jackson from Vermont." "Beside him, we have Olivia Livingstone from the Rhode Island branch of the DSD, which has the highest participation rate in the benefit program in the country." "Next, we have Jonathan Van Meter, also from Vermont, and beside him, Nora Durst from New York." "Mrs. Durst is also a triple legacy." "Well, fuck." "I need two guys to the Waterloo room right now." "Moderator:..." "Pritcher, liaison with the Canadian departure census, and he'll talk about how they collect their data up north." "And finally, Daniel Mccallum from Connecticut." "Daniel servered on..." "Excuse me!" "I have a question." "Uh, we haven't started the panel yet..." "I have a question for Nora Durst." " We will open the floor to questions..." " I am not Nora Durst." "[Crowd murmuring]" "Impostor:" "I have been watching you people for the last two days, listening to you, and you are all blind." "Impostor:" "Puppets." " Moderator:" "Ma'am." " The department of the sudden departure is an elaborate smokescreen to give the public" " the illusion of progress." " Ma'am, I'm sorry." "Excuse me." "Their questionnaires are sent to incinerators" " outside of Tallahassee, Florida." " Shut this off!" "Their benefit payments are a way to silence us all." "[Dialogue fading] In 2005, the Israeli Mossad was experimenting with a plasma ray that could target all human matter and leave almost no residue." "Where are your experts and panels on that?" "[Impostor's shouting fades out]" "Another Martini, dirty." "Thank you." "Let me give you my card." "You can keep it open." "Manager says whatever you need, it's on the house." "What'd they do, if the drinks are on them because you've been seriously wronged?" "Maybe they're just rewarding me for being a loyal customer." " Nah." " Nah?" "Isn't the way the world works." "Indeed it is not." "Heh heh!" "Woman:" "I'm sorry to interrupt." " Would you mind signing this for me?" " Oh, absolutely." " Should I make it out to anyone?" " Woman:" "To Gail." " To Gail." "Sure." " Please." "No problem." "God bless." "Heh heh!" "Thank you." "Take care." "What?" "I hear it's amazing, your book." "Ah, the writing's so-so." "People respond to the idea." "Why no question mark?" ""What's next," period." "I mean, no offense, but it's not like you know what's next." "*** No one knows." "But we can't spend our lives waiting around for something that may never come." "Back." " Sorry?" " Something that may never come back." "You lost someone?" "I did." "You know, my daughter... ahem... about a year ago, she was out in our backyard, chasing around some of her friends, and she was laughing." "Then she saw me watching her and she looked guilty, like she wasn't sure if it was ok to be happy." "But this, what we've experienced..." "It isn't grief." "It's never-ending." "Ambiguous loss." "If my 8-year-old can find happiness within, why can't the rest of us?" "Bullshit." " I'm sorry?" " No, you're not sorry." "Sorry people don't write fucking books." "Wait a minute." "Ma'am, if I've offended you in any way, that was not my..." ""Ambiguous loss"?" "What is ambiguous about your family being gone?" "Well, and you must know because you lost what, 4?" "You count your parents in that?" "What were they, in their 70s?" "You sit there and tell me a story about your daughter." "I lost everyone." "I lost everything." "You fucking fraud!" "You fucking liar!" "You're not in pain!" "Because if you were in pain, you would know there is no moving on!" "There is no happiness!" "What's next?" "What's fucking next?" "!" "Nothing is next!" "Nothing!" "Evening." "[People shouting]" "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Miss, miss, miss." "I'm sorry to bother you." "I saw you back in the bar and I heard what you said." "And I just wanted to ask you, do you want to feel this way?" "Yeah, I want to feel this way." "Fuck off." "Man:" "You're right, you know, about Johansen." "Nora:" "What?" "Excuse me." "He's not in pain." "He's a fraud, just like you said, and I can prove it." "How?" "[Distant baby crying]" "[Distant overlapping conversations]" "[Door unlocking]" "Come on." "[Sniffles]" "[Sniffles]" "This is Ray." "He'll take your payment information." "Payment for what?" "Oh, last year Patrick Johansen, he walked through doorways just like that." "If you want to know what happened, it's $1,000." "What do you mean, "what happened"?" "Ray:" "You on PayPal?" "If not, I can get you set up." "I have an account." "Ray:" "Go ahead and pull it up." "You authorize the amount." "[Typing]" "Thank you." "Now right this way." "Go ahead." "Come on." "This is Wayne." "Holy Wayne." "Mmm, I don't think she's heard of me." "No, she's here about Patrick Johansen." "Who?" "The one who came to you just before you left for the ranch?" "Lost most of his family?" " He ended up writing a book?" " Oh, right." "Right." "I didn't read it." "I assume he didn't mention me." "Why would he mention you?" "Because I took his pain from him." "What are you doing?" "What's your name, love?" " Nora." " Nora." "Nora, I don't give a shit about you." "I've already got your money, and I'm fucking exhausted." "You've lost someone, yes?" "Someones." "And you believe that you will always feel that pain." "And if it starts to slip away, you... you seek it out again, don't you?" "You won't let it kill you, but you won't..." "Kill yourself." "[Sobs]" "For whoever is joined with all of the living, there is hope." "Surely, a live dog is better than a dead lion." "Hope." "It's your weakness." "You want it gone because you don't deserve it." "[Crying]" "Nora..." "You do deserve hope." "I've seen my own death, and it's coming upon me very soon, so this is your one chance, your only chance, and the question remains the same." "Do you want to feel this way?" " No." " No." "[Whimpers]" "Then let me take it from you." "Will I forget them?" "Never." "[Sobbing]" "[Whimpers]" "[Wailing]" "[Children shouting]" "[Scanner beeping]" "You have a rewards card with us?" "Sure, I got it right here." "[Beep]" " Thanks." " All right." "[Telephone ringing]" "[Beep]" "Nora on tape:" "Hello, you've reached the Durst residence." "Please leave a message." "[Beep] Matt:" "Nora." "Hi, uh, it's Matt." "I know I keep calling." "I should just..." "I don't know how many different ways I could apologize" "I. I've made some changes in my life." "I see things more clearly now." "We're family." "I love you. [Beep]" "Woman's voice on tape:" "Message saved." "[Doorbell rings]" "Hey." " Hi." " I, uh..." "Looked up your address." "Actually easier to get than your phone number, believe it or not." "Oh, did you want to come in or..." "No, actually, I'm on duty." "I, uh... just wanted to stop by and tell you I don't take it personally." "You know, when you said, uh, "fuck your daughter."" "I was having an off day." "Divorces will do that to you." "They will. [Both chuckle]" "Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I want to get out here all the time, just go, but when you said that about Miami, it sounded pretty good." "Maybe we should, um... do dinner or something first sometime?" "I would love that." "Good." "All right. [Chuckles]" "But you should know, though, I'm a fuckin' mess." "Thanks for the heads-up." "All right." "[Chuckles] Bye." "Bye." "Nora:" "To your knowledge, did the departed regularly use aerosol hair spray and/or deodorant?" "Yeah, I think so." "In your opinion, was the departed a charitable person?" "Yes." "In your opinion, was the departed a religious person?" "Yes." "In your opinion, do you believe the departe is in a better place?" "No." "[Sobbing]" "For more new Episodes go to G2G.fm"