"DITMARK THE MONKEY" "The first section is up." "It looks really good." "This is P3 News." "First, a death." "South African nationalist leader Nelson Mandela has died." "Nelson Mandela was born in 1918 and died at the age of 88." " That looks great." " I'm happy with it." " That's good." " Nelson Mandela is dead." " Is he?" " They just said it on the radio." "88 years old." "Please don't smoke in here." " It's just a pipe." " I don't want the lounge smelling." " It doesn't smell bad." " It smells of smoke." " Have a taste." " I don't like it." "You're so silly." "Yes, I can taste that, but I don't want it in here." "But it smells good." "Only downstairs, then." "Okay?" "Spanish tapas are fun enough, but this is better." "With tapas you get an anchovy and some goat cheese." "That's the great thing about brunch." "It's lunch combined with breakfast." "You normally eat it between breakfast and lunch." "Why hasn't someone invented a lunch-dinner?" "You could call it a "dunner"." "That could be a hit." "What do you eat between dinner and breakfast, then?" "Red wine..." "What's the verdict on our accounts?" "It looks fantastic." "You're earning a lot of money." "So you're paying too much in taxes." "I've told you I don't want to pay tax." "My suggestion is that you go for a sponsorship." "Sponsor expenses are tax-deductible, you see." "And I've got a great idea." "You could sponsor an animal in the zoo." "That's a fun idea." "I've always wanted my own animal in the zoo." " Great idea." " Several people do it." " Does that turn you on?" " I guess so." "It sounds fun." "I've got a good connection out there." "My son-in-law, Måns." " Isn't he a bit..?" " Yes, he's not too bright." "He's got some problems, but he works in the zoo." "If I contacted him and told him that..." "He could contact the management and say "I know Casper and Frank."" "I would really appreciate that." " Sure, if we can sponsor an animal." " And pay less in taxes." "Hi." "I'm going to sponsor a monkey in the zoo." " Doesn't that sound fun?" " Yes." "We're going to invest the company's profits in a monkey." "Okay." "Hi." "Hi." "Are you a pipe smoker now?" "I don't know." "I just like the taste." "Is something wrong, honey?" " It looks really silly." " Oh, okay." " You look like a 70's hippie." " Because I think it's nice?" "It's like dating a little man." " Thank you very much." " It's all wrong." " Oh." " I'll quit as well, then." " We'll both quit." " Yes, I'd like that." "Let's get rid of that." "We're very proud of this enclosure." "We've got fresh air, lots of sunlight and greenery." "This is a fantastic environment for our monkeys." "Look." "Your names are going to be right here on this sign." "You can write your own text." "Just talk to our communication office." "We just want to sponsor a monkey." "Shall we have a look at it?" " It's a popular place." " We'd love to see the monkey." "It's over here." "Måns, I think   you should explain." "You're the person behind this." "This is your sponsor monkey, Ditmark." " The little, strong one up there?" " Yes, he's less than a year old." "Thank you." "I'll talk to you later." "See you, Måns." " What can you tell us?" " What would you like to know?" " Anything." " Do you feed them?" " Yes, every day." " What do they eat?" "Leaves, for example." "They pick them off the trees." " But not only leaves?" " No, they also get bananas and..." " Tell us, then." " Bananas." "They get brunch, then." "Your favourite meal." " I love brunch." " Fruit makes it brunch." " Could we take a closer look?" " Yes, if you'd like." " We'd love to." " Now?" "It's my lunch break." "Måns..." "We'd like to have a look, okay?" " Please stop the whistling." " Why?" " So this is where the monkeys live?" " Yes." "Where are they?" "They're out there." "Where we were before." "It's completely empty." "They're out in the grotto." " When do they come in here?" " In the morning, when they get fed." "Is that what the fruit is for?" "I don't suppose  we could come after closing hours and see it?" " It's much too crowded now." " Måns can let you in." " He can show you around." " That would be great." "You could give them a night tour, couldn't you?" " I've got this one." " I'd really like that." "Just say when." "Måns will sort it out." "I start really early." "If I have to be here at night as well..." "Could we borrow the key, then?" "Or get one?" "No, that's not possible." "Frank knows about animals." "He studied to be a vet." " Nothing is going to happen." " We can walk around on our own." " They're responsible people." " Maybe I should ask..." "Just give us the key and stop fussing." "Okay." "But look after it, okay?" " Thanks." "Cool." " Yeah, thank you." "Can we get into the restaurant as well?" "It'll be cool to see the animals at night." "The main thing is we've got the key for the zoo." ""Fancy a trip to the zoo? "" "You know?" "That's what's cool about it." "Shall we get a cab?" "I'd like to get off first." " Hi there." " Hi." "Welcome." " Thank you." " Frank, I'll get another cab." "See you later, okay?" " Aren't you coming?" " No, I'll get my own." "Can I have a cab for the zoo?" "A W.C. Fields cab, please." "Is that possible?" "Great." "Bye." " What's a W.C. Fields cab?" " "White Chauffeur"." ""Fields" means he has to be from this country." "What's wrong?" " It's embarrassing." " I'm just being honest." "The guy obviously wasn't born here." " They always get lost." " Is it just because he's black?" "If you grew up in Congo you can't find Kronprinsensgade." " I'm not going in there." " He speaks Danish." "Let's see about that." "P3 News." "We'll begin with two minutes of silence   in memory of Nelson Mandela." " This isn't Fuglebakkevej." " We have to stop for two minutes." " Okay." "Now or what?" " Yes, right now." "Could you switch the meter off, then?" "Please switch the meter off when we're not going." " Stop it." " We're not going anywhere." " This is about Mandela." " Yes, I know that." " Just switch the meter off." " It's only two minutes." "Relax." " We're stopping for two minutes." " It's not..." " We'll go again straight away." " Just switch it off." "This is about showing respect for Nelson Mandela." "Why should I pay for that?" "Are you not ready to give Mandela 10 kroner?" "Yes, but this is about the principle." " Two minutes for Nelson Mandela." " I don't understand that." "If you can't understand that I don't care." "I'm stopping for Mandela for two minutes." "That's it." "You can have 200." "This is about principles." "I hope you had two good minutes of silence." "Oh..." " I told you it's dead unsexy." " Yes, I know that." "We made a deal:" "No pipe." " You lied to me." " I'm sorry." "I can't trust you." "I'll have a beer with Casper." "Let's hope you can trust me." " Isn't it cool?" " It's great with champagne." " Do you think?" " Yes, "chimpagne"." "Where's the chimpagne?" "Here's the chimpagne, Frank." " Give me some chimpagne." " Do you want more chimpagne?" "A chimpagne toast." " Welcome to the jungle." " Ladies first." "There they are." " Where is he?" " I don't know." "There are no monkeys." " Hey, Casper..." " What do you think, girls?" " Hvam and Christensen Productions." " Wow..." " Where is Ditmark?" " Ditmark is over here." "I hope we didn't buy an animal which was put down?" " Isn't he there?" " He looks dead." "It's great to see them at night." "They behave differently." "We'll just go out and look at..." "I haven't shown her the tapir's shed." "Well, you've got to see that." " Bye, Pernille." " Bye, Casper." " Then it's just you and me." " Yes, it is." "Isn't it fantastic?" "Look at the ropes..." " What's wrong?" " I've got a girlfriend." " Frank..." " It puts a stopper on things." "I'll go out and powder my nose." "Find out what you want to do, alright?" "Are you bottomless now?" "What do you think?" "Maybe you have some spare knickers you give out to charming blokes." " What do you say, Frankie-boy?" " Yeah, what do I say?" "What is it?" "Well..." "I need to think for a moment." " Come on." " I have a girlfriend." "You know what's it like, then." "It's not okey-dokey." "Frank, come on." "It's just that..." "If it's really going to happen..." "If you're really going to slip it has to be extraordinary." "It has to be a real crème de la crème experience." " What the hell are you on about?" " You misunderstood." "How could I misunderstand?" "Crème de la crème!" "Bloody hell..." "You're lovely, don't get me wrong." " But not crème de la crème?" " I mean Scarlett Johansson." "You're the biggest tease I ever met." "Say hi to Scarlett when you meet her, you fucking tease." "Wait." "I'll never meet Scarlett." "Casper!" "Casper!" "I'd like to go home." "I'm hungry." "Oh boy." "Casper!" "Casper?" "Where did you get the key?" "Måns gave it to us." "Have you got any coke?" "Are you hung over?" "Yes, we're a bit knackered." "Lovely brunch, by the way." "I love the eggs and bacon." "It must have been a fun night." "You didn't get home until six." " Six o'clock?" " I went to a morning bar." " You got back around four, right?" " I wasn't wearing a watch." "What were you doing, then?" "We met Xbox Christian." "The guy who gets games for us." " Did you go out with him?" " Yes, to Café Louise." " I went the other way." " Did you have a Blue Curacao?" "Yes, we like that sort of thing." "Hi, Frank." "We've got a problem." "Hi, Frank." "We've got a problem." "Måns was fired from the zoo." "Because of your stunt last night." "I'm really sorry." "It was improper use of that key." "When he told me I called the zoo director." "He says he found you in a monkey cage this morning." "You must have been sitting there for a couple of hours." "And I promised him to give the key back." "Casper, come here, please." " What did you do?" " It's something to do with a key." "Kurt wants the key." "Do you have the key for the zoo?" "The spare key?" "I promised to give it back to the director." "Thanks." "I've got a problem with Måns now." "He's been fired again." "Could you do something?" "Just call us." "We'll work something out." "Bye, Kurt." "What's this about?" "Eh?" " Sit down, and we'll..." " Oh yes, you will." "... explain." "What have you been doing?" "We..." "Let's start from scratch." "We didn't do anything." " No." " But Xbox Christian..." "I think we deserve to hear the truth now." "Why did you say you went to Café Louise, when you were in the zoo?" " What have you been doing?" " I was inside a monkey cage." " Were you in a cage as well?" " No." "You're lying." "I can tell." "We got drunk, and then we wanted to show Christian the monkey." "Why didn't you just say that?" "Because it's not true." "I bet you took some chicks to the zoo last night." " I know you." " Is that all you think of me?" "Yes, it is, actually." "You screw up again and again." "Tell me the true story or shut your mouth." "Why are you doing that?" " Because I feel like it, Frank." " I thought we had a deal." "I don't think you should be talking about deals." "You're not in a position to do that right now." "Agreed?" "Agreed?" " If you say so." " Yes." "Would you like a taste, Iben?" "Yeah, why not?" "What do you do?" "You just puff away." "Mogens, tell us if you want something to drink." "His name is Måns." "His name is Måns." " Tell him to stop." " No." "You should've thought of that before you got him fired." "I didn't see it coming." "Frank?" "Did you hear about Ditmark?" " No, what about Ditmark?" " Your monkey died yesterday." "It choked on a pair of knickers it had found." "Incredible what people throw into the cages." "Do you know anything about that?" "Can you keep a secret about Casper?" "I'd like to order a cab for Fuglebakkevej 15." "A W.C. Fields cab, please." "With a white driver, born in Denmark." "What?" "Hello?" "You're not asking for a white driver, are you?" "Casper says blacks always get lost." "And we're going to the theatre." "Please call them again and order a normal cab."