"to a dreadful dynasty of vicious vampire ducks." "The Counts of Duckula!" "Legend has it that these fowl beings can be destroyed... by a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight." "This does not suffice, however... for they may be brought back to life... by means of a sacred rite... that can be performed once a century... when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius!" " Batswing blood." " I'll get it!" "The latest reincarnation did not run according to plan." "Ooh!" "In the heart of Transylvania" "In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah" "There's not a vampire zanier than" "Duckula" "He won't bite beast or man" "'Cause he's a vegetarian" "And things never run to plan for" "Duckula" "If you're lookin' for some fun" "You can always count upon" "The wild and wacky one they call" "Duckula" "Heh heh!" "Count Duckula!" "Heh heh heh!" "The brooding gargoyles of the Great Cathedral of Notre Dame de Paris... have peered down on the rooftops of this great city for centuries... but today a fresh and fearful form greets their grim and grisly gaze." "This is Chateau Duckula... recently transported from its native Transylvania... unnoticed by the Parisians... and deep within its hidden depths... weird forms writhe and squirm." "Oh, what is it now, Igor?" "Can't you see I'm in the throes of creation?" "I'm a little worried about Nanny, sir." "Nanny?" "Why?" "Hey, where is Nanny?" "She's out painting the Eiffel Tower, milord." "I didn't know Nanny was an artist, too." "Oh." "What is she, a surrealist, expressionist?" "How is she painting it, Igor?" "With a pot of bright pink emulsion, milord, and a big brush." "Big brush." "Oh." "She said... and this is the bit that worries me, sir... that as... and I quote... her Duckypoos... owns the horrible rusty old thing, unquote... she was going to make it prettier." "I fear she may be suffering delusions, sir." "Well, it's true." "I do own it." "But pink?" "You do own it, sir?" "But how can this be?" "Well, a very nice gentlemen came here earlier and sold it to me... at a bargain price." "A bargain?" "But, sir, how did you pay for it?" "Well, I was a little short of ready cash at the time... but he sportingly accepted the deeds of the castle as security." "Security?" "Oh, sir, how could you?" "The deeds to your ancestral home?" "Don't worry." "We'll soon get them back." "But how will you find the money?" "Oh, no problem, Igor." "When I start selling my masterpieces..." "I'll have enough to buy the Arc de Triumphe, too." "And I expect Nanny will wallpaper that with a pretty pink rose pattern." "Oh, I don't know." "I think I prefer a regency stripe." "Hey, come on, let's go and find her." "I always serve the master, sniveling wretch." "Don't show me up, Igor." "This is the Cafe Instant... where all the greatest painters of Paris meet." "Mmm, but should you be wasting your valuable time here, sir?" "What about all those masterpieces you have to paint to buy back..." "I've got to absorb the artistic atmosphere, Igor." "You'll find every school of art here." "Look, he's a cubist." "And that one's an impressionist." "Make one false move, and you're dead where you sit." "And what's that one, sir?" "Make one false move, and you're dead where you sit." "Oh, that?" "Huh." "Hmm, that must be a post-impressionist." "Uhh!" "And that's a neo-brutalist." "Oh, no, it isn't." "It's Nanny." "What took you so long, Nanny?" "Oh, silly old me." "I've been stuck at the top of the Eiffel Tower... waiting for the paint to dry." "Well, I'm sure it looks very pretty, Nanny." "Now I suppose you're going to put pink bows all over it, huh?" "Oh, now, Duckypoos, that'd look silly." "No, only one on each leg and one at the top." "I can't wait to see it." "I just can't wait." "Ah, me." "The soaring beauty of the Eiffel Tower... bathed in the roseate hues of the resplendent sunset... that make it... pink!" "Oh, glory, it is pink." "Someone has lent fresh rubescence to the familiar landmark... and decked its harsh iron form... in soft pink ribbons." "How very, very pleasing to the eye." "Vandals!" "Who has desecrated our beloved monument?" "We must bring the culprit to justice." "Inspector Migraine, take your men and comb the streets of Paris." "Leave no cobble unturned until they are apprehended." "They will be apprehended, sir." "And another thing." "We have had a tip-off that a bold gang of art thieves... plan to steal the Mona Lisa from the Louvre." "Apprehend them, Inspector Migraine." "My men will apprehend them, sir." "Get to it." "Oh, and one more thing." "Oui, chief." "There is also a pair of wicked con men on the loose... outwitting stupid, gullible foreigners." "They must be apprehended." "They will be apprehended also, Marcel." "Gaston, Gaston!" "I have succeeded!" "Success is mine!" " Yours?" " Uh, sorry, Gaston... ours." "That's better." "So, what have you done, then?" "Have you spelt your name correctly?" "Crossed the road without getting knocked down?" "Walked and eaten a croissant at the same time?" "Oh, no, no, Gaston." "No, even better than that." "Well, what have you done?" "Well, you know the Eiffel Tower?" "Yes, of course, I know it." "Well, I have sold it." "You?" "You have sold the Eiffel Tower?" "But that means that somewhere in Paris... there is someone even more stupid than you." "Exactement." "The money, the money..." "show me the money, Pierre." "Oh." "Oh, oh, well..." "You did sell it for cash?" "Well, yes and no." "Yes and no?" "Yes... but mainly no." "You imbecile!" "You stupid, bungling..." "How many times do I have to tell you?" "You must get cash!" " So, what did you get?" " I got this... the deeds to a Transylvanian castle... in lieu of payment." "A Transylvanian Castle?" "Oui, Castle Duckula." "A castle in Transylvania?" " Who wants to live..." " No, no, Gaston." "The castle is in Paris." "A Transylvanian castle in Paris?" "I think I am getting one of my migraines." "No, no." "No, no, no." "No, you cannot turn me over to the police!" "Gaston..." "Not Migraine, you fool!" "Migraine!" "I'm getting a headache." "Oh, good." "Good?" "Good that I'm getting a headache, and you think it's good?" "No, no, Gaston." "I meant good you're not turning me over to the police." "I probably will if we don't get some proper folding money... from the owner of this castle before he realizes he's been conned." "You know what that is, don't you, Igor?" "Notre Dame Cathedral, milord." "No, Igor." "That... well, yes, you're right." "Notre Dame Cathedral." "And I'm going to paint it." "This will be my masterpiece." "Now, then..." "Now." "Let's see." "A little bit of red here." "There we go." "There." "That's the door, and..." "There we go." "Oh, look at that." "And there's the windows." "Boy, those gargoyles sure are ugly." "One of those gargoyles have just moved." "Ah, it is she." "She is magnificent." "Such beauty, such poise... such elegance." "What manner of creature can she be that so stirs my senses?" "Be still my pounding heart." "Good afternoon." "Can't you see I'm in the throes of creation?" "We artists are a very highly strung lot." "You know, one word at the wrong time, and pfft!" " Pfft?" " That's it." "You got it." "What is this "pfft"?" "Well, this "pfft"..." "The inspiration leaves." "The muse deserts us." "What would have been a masterpiece is completely spoilt." "Spoilt, scuppered, squelched, and..." "Say, aren't you the guy who sold me the Eiffel Tower?" "Me?" "Ah, um, uh..." "Well, yes, probably a bit." "And I have the honor to be his partner." "We were wondering if you had any money yet." "Money?" "What for?" "For the Eiffel Tower." " But you said it wasn't..." " Be quiet, imbecile!" " Wasn't what?" " Well, ours." "Oof!" "That it wasn't our intention to sell it at the price that you paid." "Oh, good, good." "A silly oversight by my colleague." "He asked you for twice the actual selling price." "You mean I can have it for five hundred francs?" "Wow, that is amazing!" "Five hundred..." "Yes." "Amazing, isn't it?" " Huh?" " Pierre... a word with you, if you please." "You sold him the Eiffel Tower for a thousand francs?" "Uh, yes." "It's worth a million times that!" "Oh, that is a lot." "Yes, Pierre, that is a lot!" "And you are going to get a lot of heavy blows to the head!" "Take that!" "And... and..." "Just a minute." "Mais oui, certainment." "I'm in no hurry." "I have a brilliant idea." "Sacred blue!" "But your painting, it is magnifique!" "Well, yes, it is quite good, isn't it?" "Yes, that painting is a masterpiece." "Well, I like to think so." "Worthy of the Louvre." "Why, you are so perceptive." "It would be an honor for the French nation... to exhibit such a painting in the Louvre." "And as luck would have it, it just so happens... that we are the representatives of the directors of the Louvre." " Oh, we are?" " Yes, Pierre, we are." " Well, that's lucky." " Yes, isn't it?" "Uh, since when have we..." "Time for your lunch, Pierre." "But, Gaston, I've already..." "You must be hungry." "Here, eat your beret." "You like berets, don't you, Pierre?" "Oh..." "Couldn't I have some mustard?" "As I was saying... we would be honored if you would hang it for us tonight... ready for the press show tomorrow." "Huh." "Of course." "No problem." "Oh, oh, I've just remembered." "Unfortunately, there is already hanging in the prime position... an inferior work by some Italian... but just take it down and bring it to us." "We will deal with it." "Oh, most kind." " Tonight, then?" " Tonight at the Louvre." "We will show you the way in." "Gosh, they're nice fellas." "See?" "What did I tell you, Igor?" "Huh." "Oh, I should've asked for the deeds back." "Oh, shucks." "Room XXVII." "Turn left at room LVXIII." "Now, this room should be LVIX." "No, it be empty, I see." "BMTIC?" "That doesn't sound right." "Are you sure?" "Well, it be empty to me." "There's no such Roman numeral as BMT, Nanny." "Roman funeral?" "Oh, what are you talking about, Mr. Igor?" "Aw, gee!" "Nanny, come on!" "Ooh, let's start from the entrance again." "LXVII." "LXVI." "LXV." "LVL." "Hmm." "It's noisy out there tonight." "I wonder who they're after?" "Ah, here we are." "Oh, look at that." "Rubbish." "Take it down, will you, Igor?" "Hmm." "And hang my masterpiece." "Suspects lined up for interrogation, Inspector." "Good work, men." "Right, you horrible criminals, show us your hands." "Hmm." "Still no luck." "It is no use, sergeant." "You'll have to let them go." "They're clean." "Inspector Migraine!" "Inspector Migraine!" "Someone has broken into the Louvre Museum!" "Just as I suspected." "Come on, men, to the Louvre." "Wait for me, imbecile!" "Now, where are those two gentlemen?" "There they are, the fools." "Now we just..." "Oh, no, the flics!" "Stay where you are." "I am Inspector Migraine of Le Surete." "We have reason to believe..." "Sacred blue!" "We have found the Eiffel Tower vandalizer." "Madam, give to me your hand." "Ooh!" "You saucy Frenchmen, you're all the same." "You can't marry Nanny." "You haven't even been introduced." "Give me her hand." "They are trying to take her away from me, the monsters!" "I, like the knights of old, shall fly to her rescue." "Oh, I see what he means." "You mean he doesn't want to marry me?" "That's right, Nanny." "He just wants to see your hand... so let him see it, would you?" "We've got a busy night." "Oh, all right." "Which hand?" "The only one you've got left." "The right hand, right?" "I mean the left hand, right?" "Left, right, left..." "Oh!" "You're confusing me again, Duckypoos." "Duckypoos?" " You've got me all of a muddle." " Nanny..." "Oh, all right." "Look if you must." "There, the Eiffel Tower vandalizer caught pink-handed." "To the rescue!" "They shall not take my Venus away!" " Huh?" " Huh?" "Oh!" "Duckypoos!" "Help!" "It's Quasimodo Hunchbudgie of Notre Dame." "Well, don't just stand there, Igor..." "after them." "After them!" "It is Gaston et Pierre... the most wanted con men and art thieves in all Paris." "After them!" "Oh!" "I can't look." "I can't stand heights." "Fear not, fair creature." "I shall keep thee safe from aught that may befall." "Oh!" "If anyone's gonna be falling, I hope it's not me." "Phew!" "We've lost sight of Nanny now, Igor." "Oh, trust Nanny not to be here when we need her." "But it's Nanny we're trying to..." "Oh, never mind." "Hey, here they come again!" " After them!" " After them!" "I give the orders, imbecile." "Yes, he gives the orders, imbecile." "Ah!" "After them!" "After them!" "Well, I must say, this place is in a mess." "But you must understand, O fairest of the fair... until I saw you I had nothing... nothing but the bells!" "The bells!" "The bells!" "Oh, oh, this painting business is causing nothing but trouble, Igor." "Oh, let's get rid of it and go home." "May I remind you, sir, that we have no home?" "What do you mean?" "What about Castle Duckula?" "You gave away the deeds, if you recollect, milord." "Oh, no!" "What are we gonna do, Igor?" "Well, it really is nice to do... for someone who really appreciates it, Mr. Squashyhobo." "Would you like a cup of tea?" "A cup of tea prepared by your fair hand... would indeed be as nectar of the gods." "But I fear it must wait... for it is time for the bells!" "The bells!" "Oh, don't you worry about that." "Nanny will ring 'em for you." "No, Nanny, no!" "These are my bells... my babies, my treasures." "I am the only one who must ring them." "Ooh, now, that's silly talk." "Anyone can ring a silly old bell." "No, Nanny, please!" "First, you are going to give us that painting." "Yes, of course." "You're welcome to it." "Just a moment, milord." "Hmm?" "What is it, Igor?" "My master will deliver the painting to you... as soon as you have returned the deeds to Castle Duckula." "Ha ha!" "Ha ha!" "Good thinking, Igor." "As I've said before... you're not just a pretty face." "You're a pretty ugly face." "That's a joke there." "The deeds, if you please." "Stop this prevaricating!" "Give me the painting at once!" "Otherwise, I shall be forced to..." "Oh, now, how did that happen?" "My bell!" "My bell!" "Oh, no!" "They're going to land in the river Seine." "There, told you." "Oh, oh!" "Throw me the deeds, and I will throw you this!" "Oh, all right, but hurry up." "It is f-freezing in here." "Bravo!" "You have apprehended the villains and rescued the stolen Mona Lisa." "They got what they deserved, sir." "Yes, guilty, but in-Seine." "Ha ha ha!" "In-Seine." "Get it?" "Guilty, in-Seine?" "River, river Seine?" "In..." "Ha ha." "Ha ha." "Forget it." "Well, we've got the castle back, but there's still no sign of Nanny." "All's well that ends well, then, sir." "Igor." "I miss Nanny." "I like Nanny." "Like, sir?" "That's not a word the Duckulas should ever use." "Your grandfather would be turning in his grave... or whoever's grave he happened to be in." "But I must get my Nanny back." "Take her back, please!" "Take her back!" "Oh, she's ruined them!" "Ruined what?" "The bells!" "The bells!" " The bells!" " But..." "And don't call me Hunchypoos again!" "Oh, ruined the poor man's bells." "Well, well." "Nice to have you back, Nanny." "Ooh, it's nice to be back, Duckypoos." "You know..." "I don't think that shade of pink suits the Eiffel Tower." "I'll just pop out and give it a coat of crushed lilac." "I'm afraid not, Nanny." "It's nearly time for our return home to Transylvania." "Whew!" "I never thought I'd be glad to hear that cuckoo clock." "Ha ha!" "Good old Transylvania." "So, once again the evil Count is back in familiar surroundings." "Paris can breathe a sigh of relief." "And it's with great relief that I say... good night out there... whatever you are." "If you're feeling..." "Or you're kind of..." "Could be you've met up with" "Duckula" "If your knees go..." "And your teeth go..." "Maybe you've bumped into" "Duckula" "He flies through the night" "Looking for a bite" "But he's back home by daylight" "Duckula" "If you're sort of..." "Or you're a little..." "It's certain you've run into" "Duckula" "If your heart goes..." "Or your mind goes..." "Man, you had a brush with" "Duckula" "So watch out for the..." "Beware of the..." "And pray you'll never meet with" "Duckula" "Count Duckula"