"Of course I had my doubts." "Of course!" "But with regret." "Regret about those doubts." "If you were to watch those lessons now then you wouldn't know..." "that would be awful." "You can't look at it that way." "Then it's as if you find yourself in a concentration camp or a madhouse." "We didn't feel that because it built up, but if you isolate a segment... lf you isolate a moment, you see awful things." "incredible..." "He could throw you from from the attic to the cellar and from heaven to hell." "Because what you had to look up in yourself you can't find that in books." "For sometime, he had an enormous significance for me." "The way I had to frame my work." "What the approach was to of my roles and also my life." "Everything, basically..." "Everything I still know about acting..." "He expressed it." "He made an impression that changed my whole life." "My stage life." "He took me forward and he put me on a chair and sat facing me." "And then he said really, deep in your heart, you want to cry not laugh" "It's as if they become religious." "And I don't like religious people." "Hello..." "I'm Pierre." " I'm Peerke." "Pierre..." "You won't be here tomorrow?" " No, I won't." "That's a pity." "I'm Pierre." "Listen." "I always wanted to be an actor." "I mean, from my my very earliest memories, fantasies, dreams, I thought I have to act." "And..." "And when I was at drama school and won a few Awards and a few good reviews." "I thought I knew what acting was." "Get it?" "I mean.. that's what I am and getting better." "And then I met someone who had no idea at all what acting was." "But somehow he had a a drive and had decided to dedicate himself to to try and work out what the essence of acting is." "I wanted to record the myth." "To immortalise the magic or at least a fraction of it." "I thought that was my duty." "The three master classes I have been able to experience gave me so much that I felt guilty." "And after I met him and ever since really I met him, I also have no idea what acting is any more." "Weird." "It's as if the concept turns inside out." "But I..." "I am but I started to do it and I think, better than ever really." "Get it?" "It's a vague upside-down story..." "Well, with... with that... that man we're going to work now and that's nothing less than unique." "So, in short, I wanted to screw a plaque on the pedestal with the statue of my success on top." "A pedestal..." "A pedestal..." "A pedestal with a plaque with the name of the father of my success." "So I called Eindhoven Drama School and said if you give me six students, I'll give them a master class they'll never forget." "But I come..." "I was not allowed to know then what I would learn that day." "Hey Pierre!" "How are you?" "Okay?" " Not bad." "I'll just..." "Sure!" "Okay!" "Mr Bokma..." "Nice to meet you but why the camera?" "It's not the right time." "No, no, no." "But we..." "Peer..." "We already talked about that." "I'm going to Eindhoven with Peer." " To Eindhoven?" "Please leave, this is so irritating." "Peer, what are you doing?" " A master class." "Are you doing a master class?" " Yes." "Where?" "where's he...?" "In Eindhoven." " With children?" "At drama school..." "What did you think?" " I don't know about it." "All appointments with Peer go through me." "It's been like that for 8 years." "I try to have a normal life with him." "Peer, don't do it, it's a bad idea." "For God's sake..." "But we already..." "Not with me." " Just shut your trap!" "Keep your trap shut!" "I have an appointment with Mr Bokma." " You don't make them." "We've tried to live normally for 8 years." "You know what happened with Seth." "Don't pretend you..." " No, no..." "But this is..." " Just the same!" "There are lots of people present." "Of course, there were lots of people there too." "We've tried to keep it under control for 8 years." "Leave with your crew." "I don't want this." "We have discussed it at length." "You can't talk to Peer without consulting me." "I didn't know." " Everyone knows after that affair." "I didn't." " Out you go, with your camera." "He'll be here at 8 and dressed!" "." "Let's do Eindhoven." "I think..." "I brought flowers." "It's a real bore, but we discussed it, didn't we Peer?" "Let's do Eindhoven." "Good luck, guys." "Is everything okay?" "We agreed, didn't we?" " She's unbalanced." "I don't mind cancelling, Peer." "No, she's out of balance." "I saw that others feared him." "I had that least of all of them." "I was least scared." "I think I cried for 3 or 4 days." "I only cried." "I think that we... and we still do. we really have a professional, but very very intense." "He said.. "I can't see it happening." "I really can't." ""I can't see anything happening in you."" "Why did you come here?" "A primeval being, that's what he saw in me." "And me in him." ""Can you please do something about that back of yours?"" "I only have terrible memories of it." "Something is said to everyone, but not to me!" "That just gets... lf your presence is systematically denied you start to wonder what you're doing there." "He was just..." "He became a second father to me that's what it felt like." "Something like that." "That was when..." "He was messing with doctor's gloves..." "He couldn't put them on, the fingers were stuck and he said." "I'm going to give you an internal exam and I thought he meant a test but he meant something else and he opened up a lot and released it." "twinkle, twinkle little star ...and I thought, that's enough." "These days you hear about boys and girls and timing... lf anything is ridiculous, then it's timing." "It's so trashy and people go on about it but I'm someone who goes on about not that I like going on at all... ..but timing, I think that's chit-chat." "It's not much use." "But on that same note, lots of people..." "At least, I often hear "there's no tension" but tension is something..." "As far as I am concerned, tension is a lie, it's a necessary lie" "..but... well..." "A pity..." "Driver, I want to drop by my mother on the way." "Okay." " Driver?" "See my mother." " Sure." "I don't think we can find her." "Shall I help you look, Peer?" "Yes..." "I'll look over there." "I'll go that way." "Hey, guys!" "." "A man of five?" "1969-1974... '69... '70, '71, '72, '73..." "Well. '74!" "." "'74... '74..." "I'd just moved." "Yes, I was with Janice." "Janice was about 6 years older." "I am 64, Janice would be..." "She'd be 70." "Maybe Janice is lying here." "It's quite possible she's here too." "But it's still a kind of move it's like moving." "Maybe Janice isn't here, but it's like moving." "It always will be." "She must be 70... 70..." "I am 64, a man of 5..." "A man of 5..." "I found your mother's grave." "Over there..." "Here it is." "Yes..." "Mother was 69..." "That's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." "That's 69, and Janice isn't quite 69." "That's too complicated." "70 - 1 = 69." "69, 1 , 2, 3, 4, 5..." "So now I'm... 74..." "No, I'm 64..." "So in 5 years I'll be 69 too." "And then I'm... yes." "I had the feeling that I am not really the right man in the right place on stage as such." "On the contrary, I experienced when I acted..." "I often experienced seeing myself act." "Then you hear yourself and you see yourself, more or less..." "That's way beyond consciousness." "There's a variety of pain, of course..." "Most important is to tune pain..." "You have to attune the pain in a positive sense to what is going on inside you." "You were talking about the destruction that you yourself..." "That everything had to..." "Shame and pain have to destroy everything to empty and clean you..." "Not too sure about that." "Mineral water..." "Let's go." "I insist on a glass." "In a glass..." " A glass?" "Glasses?" "We have cups." "I mean made of glass." "We don't have them." "Back there maybe?" "This is no use, is it?" " Sure!" "Great, sure." "I'll give you something for it." "I don't know whose it is anyway." "Speed..." "Speed?" "You understand?" "What?" " Speed..." "Coming?" "Master class in Eindhoven?" " Yeah." "Sure." " Thanks." "The master class..." "What did you actually feel at your mother's grave, Peer?" "When you stood there." "The same..." "The same?" " Yes." "Exactly the same..." "Let's not say too much about it." "Very confrontational.. the moment when..." "We were talking about someone in my surroundings..." "Someone close had died." "And..." "He went further and further into the feelings I had." "And eventually, through him..." "I reached the conclusion that it was a great relief." "That's something you don't like to find out as you walk around crying and everyone offers condolences for how awful it is." "But you're pleased." "That's a moment, it's hard to say, but it was a long time ago, otherwise I'd have kept silent." "But that was a very confrontational moment." "I remember... 'twas at the end of the last session." "I had to cry." "I was already... lt had been a long session, so I was quite upset." "My mother had just died, so there was a lot of..." "I cried and he he screamed at me." "And when I thought it was all over he put a table over me and I had to hold it." "Then he stood on it." "So..." "I had to exert a lot of force not to be crushed by him and the table." "At the same time he kept screaming and both the emotion and the fear of the pain... lf I did this, then I wouldn't have a face." "...until I couldn't keep it up anymore and then he went on fifteen minutes." "It lasted an hour and a half in all." "I was..." "I was completely..." "I was..." "That was hard and I also memos unpleasant is too small a word, had disconcerting memories of the of that physical violence, hitting sometimes." "After hitting, it was embracing because sometimes you hated each other intensely." "And at the same time you wanted to squeeze someone." "That very extreme..." "That is what I most remember." "I really remember everything, it was so sweeping." "Something I never hope to experience again." "Look... lt isn't easy to make me cry." "I mean it isn't difficult... lf you give me the idea I'm no good or it's no good then I'm out of action." "That's what a master class like that does and because many actors are masochists they think that something deep or special happens." "...but crying is meaningless and useless." "a little.. a little, everyone's a little in love a little a little in love is everyone you know, you know," "you know, you know, you know 'cos you're in love" "On the way to Eindhoven in the car I felt I was no longer in control." "It's to stop the shine." "There's the classroom, the students are waiting." "And here..." "This is the room where Peer can prepare." "Okay." "You can prepare here." "Yes, then I'll come and fetch you." " Okay." "Can I speak to you alone?" " Yes." "Let's leave Peer alone." "What's going on here?" "What do you mean?" " A woman called, very upset and hysterical." "She knew about this and said..." " Okay." "She told me we shouldn't do it." " Okay..." "Basically that's..." "But that woman is off balance." "Oh God, please don't Peer!" "." "Don't do it!" "." "But I called him!" "." "I managed to keep things in order for 8 years." "For God's sake don't do it." "Stay here with me Peer!" "Listen to me!" "." "Shut your trap, now!" "I have my own circle and you're not in it!" "Understand?" "I mean, I'm responsible." " Of course." "Nothing will happen." "Nothing at all." "So that's okay." "And who's Seth Aalbers?" "And then came that incident with Seth Aalbers." "He was the only one of the group left." "The rest dropped out." "After that table, I wasn't..." "I found myself in a park afterwards." "Then he went off with Seth Aalbers and that lasted... ..for another 8 hours and to peel off, let's say..." "He kept saying that." "You're putting up a front, peel it off." "Then Seth left as the last and did something and literally peeled himself off." "His face, over gravel and stones..." "He went completely crazy." "Peer never gave another master class after that." "Because he he can help you through a kind of barrier after which, without acting you reach the essence of..." "It's almost impossible to say." "Anyway, you'll see." "But I have to warn you." "This is not easy." "It's strange, weird... lt can be that you'll say I'll stop for a month or two." "That could work out with the summer vacation." "But you could think that, if this is acting acting in acting, then I'm not interested." "Listen, that's how it is because the truth hurts, it hurts terribly I think." "And, um..." "Shakespeare once said..." "That's the key to the issue..." ""Behold..." ""...the horse that gains his power by defeat seeks his ambition in the fruit of thy learning."" "Yes?" "Hi, Peer..." "The kids are ready for you." "The kids are ready, so if you..." "Fine..." "Okay, I'll just take off my shoes, guys." "Okay in a moment you can come forward one by one..." "So come forward and Peer will ask 1 , 2, or 3 questions." "Then you can sit down again." "Right?" "Will a student come forward." "Come a little closer..." "What's your name?" " Barbara." "Nice name..." " Thanks." "Barbara, what do you think .emotion is?" "Immortion?" " Emotion!" "." "Emotion..." "What it is to me?" " What emotion is to you." "If I think about it now, I think of chemicals." "Chemicals?" " Yes." "Substances in your body." "Emotion, eh?" " Yes." "But that's what I think up now." "For you, it's but in other words what's your position?" "What's your favourite position?" " Standing up?" "Your favourite position?" "You say.. "yes, that's me"?" "I most like to be open, that's what I most want to be." "I'm trying to move towards the physical." " Physical..." "But you think this is you." "I'm not too sure what I am." "That depends on the situation I am in." "Can you make a sound right now?" " Yes..." "I have to do something?" " Sound." "A little more?" "I have to say something before I say anything to you." "The two exercises we just did..." "It's important for the lesson to hold on to them." "Don't let them go." "Hold on to them because we'll come back to them later." "And you, what's your name?" " Jeroen." "He asked an older woman to stand up and show her best and worst physical features." "Of course she did." "He thought that was awful, the way she did it, because it was so..." "She blushed and turned away and was so unopen then he made me do that." "He made me stand beside her and do it too, also to convince her to get her there." "Things like that." "That made me realise..." "That he..." "It had nothing to do with beauty." "Nothing at all." "I thought.." "God, I hope I'm not next." "As long as it's not my turn." "God, as long as it's not my turn." "But of course it was." "Peer really put me through the mangle." "And you had to go on while he really laid into you." "You were defiled and afterwards you felt like that." ""Being next" with Peer was something terrible." "What's your name?" " Robrecht." "One more time?" " Robrecht." "Robrecht?" " Yes." "Unusual name." " Yes." "Robrecht..." "And may I ask, what's emotion for you, Robrecht?" "Something that overcomes you, if it's genuine." "It overcomes someone at a certain moment." "Like fate overcomes you" "A clash of thoughts leading to a feeling." "It's a kind of mush..." "I can imagine that there's one that predominates." "Mush..." "Sorry?" " Mush!" "A mush, yes." "I think something between instinct and thought." "A word flowing from instinct and the origin of thought." "Yes..." "I think..." "And what I just said..." "Your posture, in which your physical your posture that you think is your posture." "This is me... so your posture..." "It's more a "you" posture..." " I prefer to sit." "Go on then." "Something like this." "Martijn, can you now right now, that's what it's often about..." "Can you make a sound now?" "I think a foetal position..." "What?" " The foetal position." "Foetal position?" "Most you..." "Barbara..." " Peerke." "Sorry, Peerke." "I think like this." "And in this posture, can you produce a sound?" "My favourite is with my arms like this." "One leg rigid and the other..." "Rigid leg..." "Can you make a sound now, at this moment?" "Okay..." "It's nice to see the women making high pitched sounds and the men low ones." "It is striking." "But that total command as if in a bubble..." "And now I want to hear your sound..." "Okay, one more time." " You don't need to do it again." "But a little more expression." " Yes." "I'm a little nervous." " No, that's fine." "Very good." "No, but what Peer means is that you can quickly resort to something obvious." "A little too easy." "But that's fine." "Try  with your sound and your emotions  to produce it where it can't come from." "You understand?" "Acting has an illogical element." "Something that is completely contradictory." "Someone who makes something, an actor, knows what he's doing." "But the character as such has..." "Okay." "Character...?" "The character doesn't have a script." "No script." "The character sees, hears and says everything  for the first time." "The character says everything, sees everything for the first time." "What am I doing?" "What am I doing?" "What am I doing?" "What am I doing?" "Amazement..." "Amazement..." "Go ahead... 2 x 3 equals 6." "The text is "What am I doing?"" "On both movements..." " Both, or..." "First..." " You carry him." "I carry him..." " And then  we change places..." "This is fine." "And now the other two a little this way." "Wait a minute." "I'll just say..." "To make it easy, I'll say "action"." "Grab the legs..." "All grab the legs..." "Yes, and then..." ""Action..."" ""What am I doing?"" "Firmer..." "Let's see it firmer, I'll grab the hand." "It's amazement." ""What am I doing?"" "Relax! "What am I doing?" The wheelbarrow collapses." "And then surprise on the hand..." ""What am I doing?"" ""What am I doing?"" "So incorporate amazement in the exercise." "And we'll do the same thing with sound." "With your own sound, no text..." "Hold on to your amazement but only with sound." "Right?" "And make the sound "ripe"." "So make it ripe!" "Okay..." "Okay, guys." "Wait a sec." "Walk around and relax." "Don't talk but hold on to that concentration and I'll just go to Peer for the rest of the lesson." "Yes?" "Hi Peer..." "The student are ready." "So if you're ready too..." "Yeah, okay..." "Okay!" "Okay, I think we'll just wait about 20 minutes until Peer is ready and then we'll carry on." "I want to hear a text from you." "The doubters present a message to me!" "To me!" "Not to me!" "." "It's very precise." "With text?" " First with text." "The messengers... ..the doubters..." " The doubters..." "The doubters present their message to me!" "...to me!" "Not to me!" "." "Come for the cadence..." "Not..." "Only those three..." "For me..." "For me..." "For me?" " Okay..." "For me..." "For me..." "For me..." "And not to me!" "For me..." "For me..." "Not for me!" "Show them how." " Yeah." "Messengers present their doubt to me." "For me... not for me." "Then in your sound." "The first text..." "The doubters present their message to me!" "...to me!" "Not to me!" "." "The doubters present their message..." "To me?" "To me?" "Not to me!" "." "To me!" " To me!" "Not to me!" "." "No, that's no good." "No good..." "It's been a while." " That's true, but it's no good." "Try again?" " Yes, let's..." "That's a pity..." "Should I incorporate my own sound?" " Yes, do." "Go ahead." "The doubters present their message to me!" "...to me!" " No!" "You don't get it." "No!" "That wasn't it." " It wasn't, guys." "I don't get it." "I don't get it." "It has to come from somewhere where you you consciously or unconsciously... lf you..." "I won't be long." "He's confused." " He's seeking something." "What was Pierre doing?" "I was watching..." "Does Pierre know what he's looking for?" "Apparently it did work once." "Didn't it?" "It's something that has to be there or not." "And not premeditated." "But it's so frustrating." " Why is Pierre the cause..." "No, not at all, not at all..." "I know you can't understand..." "I want to be alone with Pierre." "Come on!" "You do it to me." "You don't catch on to me." "Not in any way!" "." "I can't give the master class..." " No, yes, okay but..." "Come on..." "Go away..." "No, no..." "This is very good..." "Present their message to me..." "It's about the acting, I want to know what's up." "Ask later..." "Both of them... they're such a show!" "But you have to take it seriously." " I do." "If that's difficult..." " I can't tolerate this!" "I won't tolerate it from you!" "." "You have to stay in yourself and from there, you expel it all." "In yourself, well, in me out of me..." "In me, out of me, in me,... come on." "Try it just once, just once..." "Let's carry on." "Don't worry..." "Calm..." "Breathe..." "And breathe..." "And release!" "And ah... release!" "Calm..." "They're children... children!" "That openness in their eyes, that that turned to fear." "Stop!" "That was too easy." "Fear of terror..." "Power." "Fear." "Calm!" "." "Pain!" "Power..." "Doubt!" "Okay..." "One, two..." "Let's have two people come forward..." "Two." "And then... now try..." "It's very difficult..." "To breathe the calm of your partner." "Breathe the calm of your partner." "Be honest..." "And on..." "On..." " Can you do another exercise, maybe?" "Yes!" "Real madness!" "." "And rest..." "Rest..." "And rest!" "Not many people have seen madness!" "I have!" "And rest." "Hold on to it." "And now rest your hands on each other's heads." "On your partner's head." "Hold the calm!" "And embrace each other." "And bend." "Then not, and up." "And... yes?" "Okay..." " Yes." "It comes up." "Yes, okay..." "Next?" " Next please." "Take the chair." "Like a softly sung invitation." "Do what you want with me." "To the left and grab the hair!" "Grab your partner's hair." "Grab your partner's hair and pull!" "." "Pull!" "No..." "Look at Pierre and me." "Pull!" " Ouch!" "Christ!" "." "One more time." "So you consciously grab your partner's hair and pull!" "." "Just a moment, guys." "Stop." "Just wait." "Come with me." "Here..." "What's all this?" "What are you doing?" "Why get so physical?" "You nearly pulled my hair out!" "." "That's how it should be." "No, no!" "Guys?" " No, no way!" "Come on." "Then the point arrived when when it was rebutted... lt came together and was unstoppable." "'twas a tunnel experience and I slowly saw that..." "He doesn't like it." " He does." "He doesn't like it." " He does." "He doesn't like it." " He does." "He doesn't like it." " He does." "He doesn't like it." "What about me?" "What about me?" "What about me?" "What about me?" "What about me?" " Don't be afraid, Pierre." "Don't be afraid." "What about me?" "What about me?" " Keep it pure." "What about me?" " And pure..." "What?" " Pure..." "What about me?" "What about me?" " Don't panic." "What about me?" " Hardly any panic." "What about me?" "What... what about me?" "What about me?" "What about me?" "Yes... and pure." "What about me?" "What about me?" "What about me?" "Okay, is that good?" "Watch this." "He doesn't like it." " He does." "He doesn't like it." " He does." "He doesn't like it." " He does." "He doesn't like it." " He does." "He doesn't like it." " He does." "Yes..." "This is a prelude to the destruction dance." "I want to head for the openness of the sun much more." "The sun can be closed but suddenly it's present in all its power and dynamics!" "Gigantic dynamics out of the sun." "You take it in and almost yourself really going down to your own nullity." "In balance..." "And if we're in balance we're on the right track!" "." "Because then you can incorporate all you want." "You feel that freedom." "Lovely and free..." "Freedom, put it in." "Put, put, put it in." "Lea, why not put it in?" "And that is what I said in the previous exercise that the messenger suffers doubt." "The messenger suffers doubt." "Bring it out." "The feeling... the feeling..." "The Sunna..." "The Sunna feeling." "It's like a coat, it's walking and running." "...back and forth and a jump." "Why no jump for joy?" "There aren't enough jumps for joy." "That's why, when you walk you have to keep yourself, keep occupied and walk and walk and jump and jump." "It's not..." "It has to express joy!" "Because Peer Mascini is a totally confused man..." "That's his charm." "He doesn't know what he's doing, but you can't teach someone that." "Acting is largely knowing what you're doing." "It has to have joy, Pierre!" "." "And only then can you have pleasure that will take you a long way." "You can go a long way with pleasure." "And then you don't need to sing." "The song is then in you." "The song is in you." "In you, and that's..." "No, it's unequalled." "And if you then boil, high up, at a certain point you start to evaporate then you start to peel off." " Peer..." "You peel it off, steadily." "Peel it off and roll it in a towel if you like." "Roll it up." "But peel off, that's sensible." "And drag the skin along with you." "Let it drag behind you." "Peel, peel and peel." "What are you doing?" "Peer..." " What's this?" "Stop this." " Why?" "Let's stop." "Let's not go on." "Let's not go on for now." " Why not?" "Because, that's why." "Understand?" " No, I don't." "I got angry." "I raised my voice." "I intervened." "Did you see the kids?" " They were fascinated." "We're stopping!" " Why are we stopping?" "We're not going on!" "This is enough to make me cry!" "." "This is awful!" "." "You're undermining me!" "Have you gone crazy?" "Madman!" "Did I come to Eindhoven for nothing?" "Madman!" "The myth as such." "He lost control of himself." "Help me with my pant." "What's up, Peer?" " I'm leaving." "What?" " I'm leaving." "Really, two mature men!" "I'm leaving!" "Sorry, guys." "Dammit..." "Shit!" "Shit, come on!" "Peer!" "Peer!" "Peer?" "Peer, please." "Posture, Peer." " Posture..." "Come on, Peer." "Calm..." "We're going home." "That's all right." " Okay." "A gooroo, or a guru." "How do you pronounce it?" "That's what he was." "It's a pity he stopped." "But I saw his last lessons and..." "I started to wonder..." "He wasn't my Peer any more." "'twas the last evening after the last session, it was all over..." "He asked me to stay behind." "It affected him too, giving a workshop." "A master class like that isn't easy." "He still had lots of energy." "And he wanted..." "He had to get rid of it." "Then he was vulnerable." ""You always run away!"" ""Always on the run..."" ""Always gone."" "I didn't understand what happened." "I never really did." "But Peer is getting on in years." "It may not last much longer." "He's nearly 70." "Men don't live as long." "I tried to banish him from my world of thought." "For awhile I wanted nothing to do with him." "But now, after all these years, if people ask me then I can't help but admit his exceptional value." "But I never wanted to see him again, really." "And only later when I was really standing on the threshold of the centrally-located dance hall..." "That's when I saw how the myth dismantled itself." "Dedicated to Theo van Gogh" "Again, it's a very difficult exercise that needs precision." "So Pierre, don't act." "Every time you act then I'll say..." "No..." "Go ahead." "Yes?" "You don't have to act dead." "It's not acting, but miniscule acting..." "That's too much acting..."