"..Like I'm on an adventure or something!" "This programme contains strong language from the outset." "Looks like I'm the first." "CORKS POP" "CORKS POP Surprise!" ""Dear cast offs, welcome to your island." "Your task here is simple." ""You have 90 days to prove that differently-abled people can achieve self-sufficiency." ""The film crew are here to watch, but will not engage." ""You're alone here." "Good luck."" "A guy told me once that I'd have this day - some day when everything would feel really weird, but I'd start to feel OK about who I am." "So, you know, you're not there yet." "But you'll get there." "Tom's Book Of The Truth, page 756, para..." "Paragraph one." "Where there is action, there must be inaction." "Where there is discord, don't bring harmony." "Run away until you find it." "Where there is peace, there is happiness." "Jesus!" "Ow." "Shit." "Shit!" "Well, thanks for clearing up, guys." "Am I face-on or in profile?" "I think I'd prefer to be in profile." "I've no idea which is better but, um, there's something about the word "profile" which appeals to me." "My name is Tom." "Um..." "I am the original blind assassin." "Should I explain about sight-restricted clay pigeon shooting or would that spoil the magic?" "It involves, um... sort of sonar noises." "I've got some photos, actually, proving..." "No, I haven't." "(MAN) Definitely dead." "(WOMAN) Yeah." "That it's missing a head is a clue." "Beautiful." "So, shall we keep it?" "Eat what's left?" "Oh, that's disgusting." "Oh, that's disgusting." "We have to kill some anyway." "We can't just waste food." "We can't just waste food." "Those teeth marks." "It's a fox." "Great, we eat it, we all get fox rabies." "Great idea, Dan." "Great, we eat it, we all get fox rabies." "Great idea, Dan." "I saw a programme once about rabies." "Man ate a live duck." "We don't know it's got rabies." "Or even if it was a fox." "What, dear?" "What, dear?" "We don't even know if it's a fox, let alone if it's got rabies." "You think the chicken had a stroke?" "You think the chicken had a stroke?" "And bit off its own head?" "!" "Whatever it is, it's eating our food and we need to do something." "By God, yeah." "Tom's Book Of The Truth, paragraph two, page 454." "Baths are not just exercises in cleanliness of the body, they are also exercises in cleanliness of the mind." "With a few of my simple exercises..." "KNOCK AT DOOR" "KNOCK AT DOOR ..you too can..." "Who is it?" "Shut up." "It's me.I need a...wee." "Why is there a man sitting on our toilet with a camera?" "My friend's in the bath!" "So have your wee and bugger off." "Um..." "Sorry, could you, um...?" "Could you just, er...?" "You said you'd gone till tomorrow." "You should have told me you'd changed your plans." "Well, you shouldn't turn our flat into Universal fucking Studios!" "Oh, it's just for a day." "You're hitting the rim with that." "You're hitting the rim with that." "What?" "So what made you decide to do it?" "I wanted to do something different." "Fun." "I didn't want another programme with just a bunch of born-agains moaning about how they used to be able to see or walk or whatever." "What?" "You know, people who're born normal and become disabled, and just moan about it all the time." "Hang on." "Am I one of them?" "SILENCE" "Fuck." "CAR HORN TOOTS" "Hop in, maestro." "Hop in, maestro." "Morning." "Morning." "NEWS ON RADIO" "SWITCHES STATION TO LOUD MUSIC" "SWITCHES STATION TO LOUD MUSIC Oh!" "Sorry, sorry." "It's all right." "No need to..." "It's all right." "No need to..." "No." "Hurt my ears." "Must have been terrible for you." "Oh..." "Yeah, I haven't actually got supersonic hearing." "I'm not Batman." "(CHUCKLING)Really?" "Stupid me." "Stupid me." "No, no, I understand." "It's this thing, isn't it, where blind people must be able to hear awfully well?" "But, er..." "It's funny though, because people don't expect deaf people to see better or, um..." "I don't know, Heather Mills to be a great arm wrestler!" "(CHUCKLING) No, that's true." "Having said that, I did read an article," "The Telegraph, I think it was, a Professor Steve Jones." ""It has," he says, "been scientifically proven" ""that blind people's senses are heightened over time."" "You know, touch, smell." "That sort of thing." "Really?" "Really?" "Well, according to him, anyway." "Oh." "Maybe I'm just a bit crap." "I'm also an actor." "You may know me from such great works as "man in reception on phone"," ""blind man in lift", "sunburnt man on Lilo"." "My career has been...varied, and thus far, nameless." "Mm." "I'm currently working with, um, Graham Finch from the RSC." "Yes, the RSC." "Er, he's developing Gloucester, King Lear, and my job is to make him as convincingly blind as I can... ..without blinding him." "No, seriously, he's actually a very fine actor, one of the country's best." "And, er, to be working with him, even if it's not as an actor per se, is a...a real honour and an opportunity." "And I'm not going to fuck it up." "You need to get organised." "You need to get active." "Speak up." "Be heard." "Speak up." "Be heard." "Like your website?" "Well, it's more than a website." "It's a cult!" "No, it's mostly the organisation I...sort of work for." "Generally, you know, I just write articles, reviews, lobby on behalf of people who feel they've been persecuted, exploited or marginalised in any way." "(INSINCERELY) Wow." "I've done some life writing workshops with my book club." "(CARRIE) Right." "Who stole the twine?" "Cough it up." "And for programmes like these, to expose the unique and individual paradigm each of us inhabits." "Gabriella, for instance, she's both pregnant and a liberated womanas well as being hearing impaired." "Did you just call me a fat spastic?" "Strangest place you've ever done it?" "Strangest place you've ever done it?" "Probably...on a train." "Is that it?" "Is that it?" "It was a very full train." "And...?" "We were in a wee bunk room on the top bunk." "It was daytime." "Anyone could have walked in." "What?" "That's not pathetic, is it?" "We've almostfinished." "I didn't go get him until now." "It looks really good, Tom." "There's wire all around, and there's three houses for the chickens." "Here, let me take your hand." "Can you feel the wire?" "Sorry I couldn't do much." "Well, I need some water, if you really wanna help." "Great.Where do you keep the water tablets?" "Great.Where do you keep the water tablets?" "I don't keep them.Wekeep them." "I'll help you find them." "I'll help you find them." "Why doesn't Tom try?" "Just an idea, mate, but why don'tyoutry?" "Maybe he is trying, and you just didn't notice." "Tom, try?" "He hasn't got it in him." "No offence, mate, but you make Bagpuss look like he's got ADHD." "Will!" "Will!" "No offence taken, Will." "None in the slightest." "You're in a field." "Mm-hm." "Any different?" "No." "And what if you were by a cliff edge?" "By a cliff edge?" "Hmm." "Right, right." "Hang on." "Um..." "Do you know you're by a cliff edge?" "Can you sense it?" "Can you sense... sort of...feeling, like a sixth sense?" "Can you sense the cliff?" "No." "To no degree ever, will you sense the cliff?" "Mm?" "Well, yes." "But only after I'd fallen off it." "As I was falling through the air I might think," ""I've fallen off something, possibly a cliff." If there was time." "Right..." "let's get back to the play." "Lear." "Gloucester." "Gloucester, it's all new to him." "He's just had his eyes put out." "Yes, I think the scene suggests it's all new to him." "He doesn't know what field he's on." "Right." "Show me that." "You're in a field and you don't know where you are." "It's very similar, isn't it?" "Should I be doing a bigger gesture?" "You exaggerate in the theatre." "Should I be doing a bigger gesture?" "You exaggerate in the theatre." "Don't worry about the acting." "I want reality." "I'm quite interested in the acting." "I'm quite interested in the acting." "Yes, but it's not what we're here for, is it?" "No." "I know." "Um, we're here for you." "Mm." "Have you ever shot one of those before?" "Er, yeah." "Er, yeah." "Yeah?" "Yeah, actually." "A couple of times at the club I've had a go." "People have let me have a go with theirs." "You're not thinking of shooting Will, are you?" "You're not thinking of shooting Will, are you?" "Don't tempt me..." "Course not." "OK?" "OK?" "Mm-hm." "Methinks the ground is even." "Um..." "Edgar speaks." "Something about the sea?" "Methinks the ground is even." "So may it be indeed." "Methinks thou speak'st in better voice and matter than thou didst...me..." "Mm." "Something something..." "Um, sorry." "Er..." "Methinks thou speak'st in better phrase and matter than thou..." "I'm sorry, I've lost the line." "Would it help if I spoke some of Edgar's lines?" "OK." "OK, right." "We were at..." "(HE CLEARS HIS THROAT)" "Come on, sir, here's the place." "Stand still." "How fearful and dizzy 'tis, to cast one's eyes so low!" "Halfway down... ..hangs one that gathers samphire, dreadful trade!" "Methinks he seems no bigger than his head." "The fishermen that walk upon the beach appear like mice..." "Sorry." "That was a bit more than your cue, wasn't it?" "Sorry." "Um, right." "Your cue is...your cue is..." "Two seconds, Graham..." "Oh, dear." "Oh, dear." "Let's wrap for the day, shall we?" "I didn't mean to put you off." "Put me off?" "No." "No." "A thousand times, no." "No, I've got a voiceover for a bank." "Got to do those things when they come up." "Voiceovers go down as well as up." "Sorry." "Sorry, I went without saying goodbye." "Insufferably rude." "Mind you, you probably didn't even know I'd gone." "I knew you'd gone." "I heard the door." "Ah." "Good ears, you see." "Hm, bloody good ears." "What a tit!" "# Hallelujah, bum again" "# Hallelujah, give us a hand-out" "# To revive us again. #" "Oh, I like that." "Even I can do that sign!" "Yeah, feel your tits up, Will." "(CARRIE) Night, everyone." "I'm going to hit the hay." "(CARRIE) Night, everyone." "I'm going to hit the hay." "What?" "(ALL) Night, Carrie." "(DAN) Right." "So I think I've got it." "(ALL) # Hallelujah, I'm a bum" "# Hallelujah, bum again" "# Hallelujah, give us a... #" "Come on, Tom." "Give it a go!" "Well, I don't know the signs, do I?" "What?" "Give it a little go." "Put your beer can down." "It's really easy." "Come on, Tom." "Even I can do the revive one." "Now do..." "Start from the top." "Right." "Hallelujah, right." "Hold your fists up in the air." "A bit higher..." "Higher." "Nearer your head." "Yeah..." "No." "Do it, like, near your ears." "Yeah." "A bit higher." "And then your thumbs up and your fingers up." "Yeah, but your thumbs..." "No!" "Not all your..." "Sorry." "Your index finger and then do little circles." "No, bigger circles." "Yeah." "Hallelujah." "A bit higher up." "Hallelujah!" "That's hallelujah." "Is that a heavy metal sign?" "Is that a heavy metal sign?" "That's cow." "Right, now bum." "Put your hands out in front of you." "Move them up and down." "No." "You must have felt someone's arse before!" "You've felt buttocks before, haven't you, Tom?" "OK, like feel a big, nice, melony arse." "Cup the cheeks,  cup the cheeks with me." "cup the cheeks with me." "OK." "OK." "I've got you." "Yeah, bum." "Yeah, bum." "Wow." "Big cheeks!" "OK, from the top." "(ALL) # Hallelujah, I'm a bum" "# Hallelujah, bum again. #" "Woo!" "Woo!" "Hey!" "Nice one." "What?" "What?" "What now?" "What happened?" "It's alive?" "No." "Dead." "I thought we'd established that." "It's another one." "# Hallelujah, I'm...a bum or something" "# Hallelujah..." "# Hallelujah..." "# Bum again. #" "Hey!" "Cool!" "But do we have to kill it?" "Of course we do." "Of course we do." "Can't we do something else?" "Yeah." "Let's get it a canoe and teach it to paddle." "Yeah." "Let's get it a canoe and teach it to paddle." "Can't we make the coop better?" "I think we've built the best we can." "I think we've built the best we can." "You know, when you were sightseeing, mate." "Foxes make lovely muffs." "I think...we should kill it." "It has fox rabies." "We'd be doing the world a favour." "It has fox rabies." "We'd be doing the world a favour." "The UK doesn't have rabies." "That's not true.Isaw an article on television a while ago." "Dogs get vet shots before they enter the country." "Can't understand!" "One at a time." "Gabby can't follow." "Look, we have to do something about it." "This fox keeps nicking our food." "I think we should shoot it." "That's why they gave us the gun, right?" "A farmer's job for a farmer's gun." "All in favour?" "Me!" "What does everyone think?" "April?" "Oh, just don't make me watch." "Gabby?" "Gabby?" "Shoot." "Bang." "Dead." "Tom?" "Tom?" "Yeah, if you can find it." "(WILL) Oh, don't be so negative." "It's done all its killing at night." "So, Einstein, someone waits up for it." "Thanks, Frankenstein, but who sees well enough at night to see it coming?" "Me." "to see it coming?" "Me." "Oh, fucking hell." "to see it coming?" "Me." "Oh, fucking hell." "That was a joke." "I was trying to... (DAN) Actually, Tom..." "All those in favour of breaking the tension, raise your hands." "All those in favour of breaking the tension, raise your hands." "Maybe you're the man for the job." "(APRIL)Oh, that sounds dangerous." "You're part of a gun club." "You'd hear it better than we'd see it." "You're part of a gun club." "You'd hear it better than we'd see it." "The targets make noise continuously." "So unless this fox whistles..." "So unless this fox whistles..." "(WILL) Well, I'm up for it." "Actually, I'm up for anything that keeps Tom up while we get to sleep." "Yep." "Sorry, Tom." "Your turn to step up to the plate." "Thanks." "I'd offer, Tom, but..." "I just can't." "I'll stay up with you, Tom." "I don't need help." "I can do it alone." "Oh, shit." "And while this simmers, we'll act out scenes from my favourite crip flicks." "Whatever Happened To Baby Jane." "But you are, Blanche." "You are a cripple." "What the fuck are you doing?" "You're cooking!" "Yes." "You never cook." "You're almost religious about not cooking." "He's a cooking atheist." "Doesn't even cook ready meals." "Did you want something, Peter?" "Did you want something, Peter?" "Actually, yeah, I wanted a word." "Certainly." "I can let you have two." "So I get home, right, all excited, got a new gadget." "I see the light on the answerphone is flashing, so I press play." "(WOMAN) 'Hey, Tom." "Your mobile goes to voicemail, 'so I'm just trying your home phone." "'Tanya's been sick, 'nothing major, just a bit too much grass in the park." "'Anyway, I'm going to be about 20 minutes late." "See you later.'" "I recognise that voice." "Yes." "It's a good machine." "I can often tell whose voice it is." "Why is Sylvia calling you?" "She saidsomething about being late." "Why is she being late?" "Why is she being late?" "She said something about grass." "You're cooking her dinner, aren't you?" "You're cooking her dinner, aren't you?" "Oh, it's just spaghetti." "You're cooking her dinner, aren't you?" "Oh, it's just spaghetti." "Why?" "Because it's easy and yet surprisingly tasty." "You're not dating my girlfriend." "You're not dating my girlfriend." "She's not your girlfriend." "You're not dating my girlfriend." "She's not your girlfriend." "She was my girlfriend for 13 months." "That was almost a year ago, Pete." "We agreed an embargo of 253 days." "After that, it's open season on ex-girlfriends." "You waited for her, you bastard!" "You're allowed to date any of my exes." "I'm only cooking her dinner, Pete." "This is more than that, and if you can't admit that then fuck it, Tom!" "Fuck it!" "Fuck!" "Sylvia and Pete were one of life's golden couples, and then he became Pete and Sylvia became sane and life drug-tested them both and took their medals away." "She's lovely." "Far too lovely for him, far too lovely for any man, really." "She should be a lesbian." "Um, I've often suggested it." "Fuck." "There you go, mate." "Cheers." "Sorry, I don't know quite what you want me to say about this." "So, Tom..." "BAG POPS" "Nice one!" "Nice one!" "..and women." "Seriously, this guy, this guy, stud...stud is not the word." "You've never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month." "That's the way he rolls." "Living with him is like living in a gangster's paradise." "Zip-zip." "Nuff bullets in my gat, ya bitch." "Um, yeah." "Do you think it possible you know too much about my love life?" "Yeah." "I think that's possible." "Are you drinking my fucking pint?" "How does he know?" "OPERA MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY" "DOORBELL BUZZES" "FLOORBOARDS CREAK" "Stay in your room." "Are you talking to me or the dog?" "Both of you." "WINE GLUGS FROM BOTTLE" "Did you never come here when...?" "Did you never come here when...?" "What?" "Well, when..." "Well, when..." "When I was with Pete?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Oh, no, no, no." "He always used to come to mine." "He always used to come to mine." "OK." "I never used to get out much in my early blind days." "Right." "What were they like?" "Oh, you know." "The usual bollocks." "Voodoo, witch doctors." "You know, all that shit." "I blew 100 once, just to have someone tell me" "I lost my sight because of unresolved anger with my father." "Really?" "Used to be wanking in my day." "That's what did for me, anyway." "That's what did for me, anyway. (GIGGLES)" "Er...so does... does Pete know I'm here?" "Er...so does... does Pete know I'm here?" "Pete!" "Tom!" "Tom, I can't believe you didn't tell me." "I didn't know Sylv was coming over." "I didn't know Sylv was coming over." "I did, mate." "In fact, I thought you were going out, mate." "In fact, I thought you were going out, mate." "Nah." "Sorry, mate." "Look, why don't we have a nice little glass of wine and a catch-up, yeah?" "How's work?" "You look lovely, of course." "As always." "ANIMAL SCREECHES" "I'm scared of the dark." "Is it dark?" "I assume it's dark." "If it's dark, I'm scared." "That was a joke." "I know it's dark." "I can taste it." "Mm." "I like the taste." "I like the taste." "ANIMAL SCREECHES" "I imagine you're quite nervous too." "Do say if it's pointing at you." "FOX WAILS" "Tom?" "We're coming to get you." "Tom?" "Two foxy ladies coming through." "Don't shoot." "Tom?" "Oh, for fuck's sake!" "Oh, for fuck's sake!" "Tom?" "What?" "What?" "Tom, you fell asleep." "You dozy...plonker!" "I can't believe you fell asleep!" "You're such a loser." "Sorry." "Shit!" "Sorry." "Oh." "How are you gonna shoot the fox if you fall asleep?" "Oh, I got bored..." "Tired." "All right, bored." "We're gonna starve!" "I need a wee." "Where are we?" "Where are we?" "I think the toilets are behind you to the right." "Don't shoot me." "Something just brushed in front of me." "Something just brushed in front of me." "Fuck!" "(TOM) OK, everyone, I'd like to make an announcement." "(DAN) Fucking hell!" "What time is it?" "I'd like to announce, I fell asleep." "(WILL) Well, there's a surprise." "I got tired." "I fell asleep." "I fucked it up." "We need a new plan." "(CARRIE) Tom!" "(CARRIE) Tom!" "(WILL) It's weird to think of your eyes getting tired seeing as you don't use them that much." "Fuck you." "Fuck you." "What did you say?" "I said fuck you." "I said fuck you." "Knock it off, you two." "Leave it!" "I've never hit a blind man." "I've never hit a blind man." "Really?" "Big of you." "(APRIL) Will... (APRIL) Will..." "He's being a wanker." "Why doesn't everyone go back to sleep?" "Tom, come with me." "Tom, come with me." "Come where?" "Me and Will are having a nice chat." "Me and Will are having a nice chat." "Say it." "I'm a useless troll." "Say it." "I'm not saying that." "I'm not saying that." "I can hear you think it..." "Ow!" "Shit!" "(CARRIE) Can someone get Dan's light?" "I'll get it." "I'll get it." "I miss my dog." "What the hell is this?" "It's a crate." "It's a crate." "Shit." "Sorry." "Sorry." "It's like living in a fucking trap." "I said I'd help you find your way around." "You've got better things to do." "We're all a bit trapped, Tom." "What's up, mate?" "We're going to trap a fox." "WHIRRING" "I got it on the internet." "The flying fuck." "Oops!" "Pete...a word." "Come on." "Just admit you like her, that's all." "Just admit you like her, that's all." "OK, I like her." "Bollocks." "That wasn't the answer I was hoping for." "Right." "So, Sylvia, I'm just gonna..." "Bye." "This isn't over, right?" "Oh, you've got candles." "I didn't know if you'd be able to see them." "I didn't know if you'd be able to see them." "I might catch a flicker." "Does a flicker count as mood lighting?" "Absolutely." "RAPID GUNFIRE ON TV" "Right, that must be the mood gunfire I ordered." "Will you excuse me for one second?" "SCREAMING AND GUNFIRE" "The plates are incoming." "Over here." "Landing." "Landing." "OK." "(IMITATES A PLANE LANDING)" "TOILET FLUSHES" "Mm." "Do you know, he's so quiet, it's like I live alone." "All right..." "Thank you." "OK." "Good man." "Mmm, delicious!" "Mmm, delicious!" "There's salt out there somewhere, and Parmesan - it helps hide the worst of the pain." "You really can't take a compliment, can you?" "How's your theatre project?" "You mentioned something about Shakespeare?" "I'm helping this guy playing a character called Gloucester." "Oh." "You're like an acting coach?" "Sort of." "More like a blind coach." "Give us a line, then." "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" "I'm also a fan of..." ""Hey, baby!" "I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs."" "From the play!" "Give me some Shakespeare." "Oh, ye mighty Gods." "Keep going." "to verse-speaking." "You ought to hear someone good first." "You ought to hear someone good first." "Go on." "This world I do renounce." "And shake patiently my great affliction off." "and not fall... and not fall..." "Why aren't you playing that part?" "Er, try Sylvia Spain Lorenzo." "MUSIC PLAYS" "Hey, that's it!" "You got it." "Hey, that's it!" "You got it." "Hey!" "So, I'm walking down the catwalk." "Serious fuck-off heels." "I looked fabulous, of course." "I looked fabulous, of course." "Sounds it." "These are trainers compared to what I was wearing that night." "Here, feel." "Tighter than this and made of velvet." "Honestly, it was practically a porn show." "This..." "This..." "Mm!" "Yeah, I remember it looked really great on camera." "Is it a close-up or quite wide?" "Shot here..." "Shot here..." "Right." "OK?" "OK?" "Mm-hm." "And then down here." "My shoulders." "Then down... and then round." "And round here..." "And then, full body, I think." "Is the camera still on, do you think?" "Oh, fuck, I forgot about that!" "(LAUGHS)" "Babe..." "ANIMAL SCREECHES" "What the fuck was that?" "I don't know." "Probably nothing." "ANIMAL SCREECHES" "You sure we'll hear it?" "Well, he's gonna have to dig a little to get to the chicken." "We'll hear that." "And I'll feel him pull... on the string... maybe." "You're a fucking genius, mate." "You're a fucking genius, mate." "Shh!" "RUSTLING" "Listen to that." "I'm sorry you're having such a shit..." "I'm sorry you're having such a shit..." "BIRD'S WINGS FLAP" "I'm sorry you're having such a shit..." "BIRD'S WINGS FLAP Shhh!" "What was that?" "Don't jump like that." "Fuck!" "It's all right." "Um, it's no easier for anyone..." "RUSTLING" "Hang on a minute." "Don't move." "Come on, you bastard." "Yes." "It's going in." "It's going in." "Right." "We just wait to feel it go for the meat." "Dan, keep still." "Now?" "Now?" "No!" "Now?" "Now!" "I can feel him." "Pull." "I can feel him." "Pull." "We got him!" "Fucking fuck!" "We got him!" "Keep him straight, keep him straight." "Keep him straight." "There." "Make sure you kill it first time." "Don't let it suffer." "GUNSHOT" "Did I hit it?" "Aye." "Well, that's good, then, isn't it?" "Yeah." "That's definitely good." "So..." "You will look after him, won't you?" "Seriously." "I mean..." "I mean, I know he acts the whole voodoo priest thing, but... he's, um..." "You know, he's actually got a really soft... soft sort of side to him." "So..." "Listen, you look after him, because if you don't, I will find you." "I will come and I will shit in your teeth." "Oops." "Oh, dear." "Right." "Here we go." "What did I miss?" "Nothing." "Tom?" "Tom?" "As you can probably tell by my urbane and sophisticated manner," "I do like to start the day with some freshly picked Coco Pops." "Would you like some?" "So you obviously weren't expecting me for breakfast, then?" "So you obviously weren't expecting me for breakfast, then?" "I can talk anyone into bed, me." "No, no, no, I just, um..." "I just assumed you'd want some." "Who wouldn't?" "Have you ever met someone, Tom?" "Um..." "Yeah." "I sort of have." "What happened?" "Oh, she was involved elsewhere." "Ah, go on." "Sounds spicy!" "Very traditionally dull, actually." "What about you?" "Anyone significant ever?" "Not yet." "Not yet?" "That sounds like a sentence that could..." "Well, I think I may have found a guy who can just about deal with my ways." "Oh, yeah?" "It's complicated." "Rob's...very complicated." "Rob?" "Yeah." "He's a bit possessive, and...ah, well, you know, I've got my own shit to deal with." "Yeah, shit." "That's very difficult to deal with." "That's why there's so much money in sewage." "You didn't think...?" "I thought we were clear." "We were." "Absolutely clear." "I'm really happy for you and Rob." "Nearly there." "Great." "Point me to Mecca and I'll be gone from your life." "Finally!" "I really admire you, you know that." "I'd admire me too." "I always thought it was amazing that Pete had a friend who was blind and sorted." "Yeah, that's me. 100% sorted." "You know...you fulfilled a fantasy of mine." "You know... a curiosity." "No, a need." "I think I preferred fantasy." "I was really scared that now that I'm blind, having sex with me meant that...you know, something was missing." "You know, Rob was missing out on something because I can't..." "Anyway...now I know that it's not like that... ..and you showed me that." "Last night was..." "Yes, it was, wasn't it?" "So..." "I just need you to know." "Thank you." "Bye." "Pete?" "Pete?" "Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting." "Graham." "Oh, Graham." "Of course." "Girlfriend?" "Lovely girl." "Black too!" "Lucky chap." "Were you sort of watching her going?" "I find that very interesting." "Yes." "You would." "I can't do today, Graham." "Why not?" "I've cancelled a voiceover for Living TV." "Obituary special." "Very moving work." "Yes, Graham." "The thing is..." "The thing is..." "Oh, just fuck off, would you?" "No, better still, I'll fuck off." "Tom?" "ENGINE STARTS" "INDISTINCT CHATTER" "CHEERING" "(APRIL) Do you know, I heard it." "I was lying awake the whole night worrying about Tom with a gun." "(CARRIE) It woke me up." "(CARRIE) It woke me up." "I just stayed asleep." "I didn't think anything'd happen." "But it did." "Thanks to the brains of Mr Tom the intrepid." "CHEERING" "Think we're ready, my friend." "OK." "You got it?" "You got it?" "Yep." "I am Dr Seuss." "I have a fox in a box." "Careful." "Careful." "OK, tell me when." "Hang on." "Keep going." "Whoa, whoa." "Keep going." "Whoa, whoa." "About here?" "Keep going." "Whoa, whoa." "About here?" "Put the box forward." "Box forward, forward." "Box forward, forward." "There we go." "And drop." "CHEERING" "Oh, God!" "That smells revolting!" "(DAN) I told you it would stink." "Now, from my days of fox hunting, I rode one of the hounds, of course, the tradition is, we blood the man what catches the fox." "Hooray!" "Hooray!" "Thank you." "But not real blood in this case, because... (ALL) Carrie thinks it's got rabies!" "Even though it didn't." "To celebrate the occasion, I have brought along a mug of ketchup, to blood our champions." "Come on, Ap." "OK." "I'll do you first, Tom." "Oh." "Oh." "OK." "Urgh, it stinks!" "Urgh, it stinks!" "And now the nose." "Dan." "Dan. (DAN) Did you come up with this idea?" "Urgh!" "Yuck!" "(DAN) Urgh!" "(TOM)Urgh." "More!" "Ohh!" "Oh-ho!" "OK." "Tom." "Will." "Will." "I'm gonna blood your face." "You didn't think I'd do it, did you?" "You didn't think I'd do it, did you?" "Course I did, mate." "Well done." "Oh, God!" "That is revolting!" "Congratulations, Tom." "Sorry." "It's all right." "I think I'm gonna go and make breakfast, all right?" "I think I'm gonna go and make breakfast, all right?" "Yeah, that's a good idea!" "Tom?" "Yeah." "I'll stay here a while longer." "Thanks." "Me too." "Save me a seat." "Me too." "Save me a seat." "Yeah." "Thank you." "Ah, that's OK." "No, really." "Thank you, I was really scared." "Oh, er, no problem." "You're welcome." "Come on, sir, here's the place." "Stand still." "How fearful and dizzy 'tis to cast one's eyes so low!" "The crows and choughs that wing the midway air show scarce so gross as beetles." "Halfway down hangs one that gathers samphire... ..dreadful trade!" "Methinks he seems no bigger than his head." "I'll look no more." "Lest my brain turn, and the deficient sight... ..topple down headlong."