"I WAS A MALE WAR BRIDE" "Bitte, wo geht die Autobahn nach Heidelberg?" " Wie?" " Vous parlez français?" "Wo geht die kurzeste Strasse nach Heidelberg?" "Ah, Heidelberg." "Sergeant." "Which is the quickest way to Heidelberg?" "Down here four blocks, turn right and straight on until the autobahn." "There are signs, you can't miss it." "Thank you, sergeant." "What have you decided?" "We don't know." "I know." "Drive." "If you want, I can take you to the town hall." "Wait here." "I know the mayor..." "Wait here." "I can help you..." "Wait here!" "Capt. Rochard, French Economic Mission." "Joe, you'll need to interpret." "Never mind, we'll get along all right." "Sorry, sir." "Who did you wish to see?" "The O.I.C.A.M.G.W.A.C." "First floor, turn to your right." "Thank you." ""War Administration Industrial Relations" "Coordinator's Office"." ""Service of Supplies Displaced Persons Property Disposal Department"." ""Labour Administration Department..."" "I beg your pardon, I'm looking for Lieutenant Gates' office." "This isn't it." "Isn't it?" "Right over there, Captain." "Thank you." "Yes." "Yes, Colonel." "Yes, sir." "Yes, sir, yes, sir..." "Oh, it's you." "What do you want?" "One nightshirt." "What do you call this thing?" "Gown." "One pair of bloomers, two pairs of stockings..." "Just a moment." "One slip." "Sorry I couldn't get them to you sooner." "Goodbye Lieutenant Gates." "What a stinker you are." "Did I forget something?" "Dirty stinker, get right back in there and explain to them how you got my laundry by mistake and forgot to give it back to me." "It's such a dull story." "Who would care?" "You know what they think." "I don't understand..." "Oh, no..." "You mean you and me?" "I'll explain that the idea is revolting." "Oh, no you don't." "Never mind." "I'd be delighted to explain that I think you're repulsive." "Never mind." "Forget it." "You've had your joke, now beat it." "I'm here on official business." "Don't tell me." "Another mission?" "Don't get your hopes up." "You're not coming with me." "Thank heavens." "Who is your victim?" "My interpreter and aide is Lieutenant Eloise Billings, who I'm reliably informed is intelligent, pretty and, as you Americans say, stacked." "That she is." "You haven't met her?" "No, that will occur in Major Prendergast's office in 30 seconds." "Goodbye again, lieutenant Gates." " Where are you going?" " Major Prendergast's office." "There's nothing for you to do there." "Wait..." "I'm in a hurry." " Hello, Eloise." " Hi, honey." "Capt. Rochard, Lieutenant Billings." "You'll work together." "Enchanted." "How do you do..." "We have a mutual friend, Alex Brissac." "Sure, I remember him." "As I was on previous missions with Capt. Rochard, he just returned some of my things." "Perhaps I can help." "I can explain." "Don't you have somewhere to go?" "No, I'm free until 2.30." "About this mission..." "It's simple." "We have to go to Bad Nauheim, a pleasant village..." "Till you get there." "I can explain better when we're alone." "Better wear side arms." "He uses maps instead of etchings." "I've so looked forward to going to Bad Nauheim." "The French army shoe is slightly different." "Hold the foot, junior." "Yes, yes." "As shown by the captain's foot and my thigh." "For goodness sake!" "That was purely accidental." "The mark on my chin..." "May I have my foot?" "Thank you." "The mark under my chin was an accident." "My fault entirely." "I tripped while he was chasing me." "Will you shut up?" "See?" "Something I'd never have mentioned, his temperament." "But he's not to blame, more like a form of epilepsy." " Will you shut up?" " I tell you..." "Will you sh...?" "Henri, I'm talking." "Yes, you are." "I tell you because we're members of the same army and the same sex." "It's only fair to warn you that Jack the Ripper is up that alley." "In case anything happens, would you give me your mother's address?" "I've been trying to tell you, I'm not going on this mission." "I'm going to Frankfurt with Colonel Bliven." "But who?" "You're going with him." "Who is Jack the...?" "Honey, maybe you better leave me your mother's address." "Hello, Captain Rochard." "I was going to send for you, Gates." "Come in." "You too, Captain." "This shouldn't take long." "Gates, Billings is needed elsewhere." "You'll go with Captain Rochard." "Thank you, no." "If I may suggest, Lieutenant Perry has almost finished her assignment..." "No experience." "The captain wants our best, don't you?" "Well, Major, this is not an important mission." "My government request for an officer is only a technicality..." "Your orders call for our full co-operation, I'll see you get it." "Here's your identity card, security pass and ration card." "Gates, Captain Rochard will brief you on the mission." "Yes, Major." "Major, this Lieutenant Perry, she ought to do." "You're very kind, but we're used to being short-handed." "Besides, if I remember, you've had assignments with Gates before, and very successfully." ""Recovered art treasures stolen by the Nazis from the Lille Museum"." ""Located hidden documents relating to rocket research." "Received Legion of Merit..."" "She's your man." " Wish she were." " Pardon?" "Nothing." "Is there anything else?" "No, thank you." "You've done more than you realise." "Good luck then." "Goodbye, Major." "Jack the Ripper was a famous..." "Thank you." "Thank you, Captain." "I wonder what the army would do if I deserted?" "They'd shoot you." "The thought makes my mouth water." "I'd almost prefer it myself." "Which way do we go?" "Well, let's get the briefing over." "What's the job?" "You don't need to know." "Come on, what's the job?" "To keep your mouth shut and do as I tell you." "I need to know what equipment to draw from the quartermaster." "See if they have a spare head." "I warn you, bubble mouth, I'll carry a revolver and a trench knife." "If you touch me, you'll go back minus a lot of parts you value." "There you go again, you idiot." "I didn't touch you." "I'm sorry, but we're stuck together." "Why not make the best of it?" "There is no best." "I'll go crazy if you..." "We turn here." "I'll go crazy if you keep losing your maniac temper." "Let's grow up." "I'm sorry about the wine cellar." "I have no temper." "No one ever accused me of that!" "They didn't?" "Do you remember the last time I saw you?" "You were chasing me around Düsseldorf swearing you'd tear my head off and make me eat it." "And what colour was I?" "I was a lovely robin's egg blue." "You looked so funny." "On account of being pushed into a vat of dye by you!" "I didn't know, I thought it was water." "Water..." "Blue, all over, blue." "It's your own fault." "Drinking free wine and turning into an octopus..." "You misunderstood." "I was trying to be friendly." "I'm sorry, I misunderstood." "Let's forget it, the dye has come off." "No, it hasn't." " It hasn't?" " No." "I'm sorry." "That's all right, there's an advantage in being an oddity." "In here, Henri." "Hello, Jack." "Hello." "What's so funny?" "It's difficult to describe." "Captain Rumsey, Captain Rochard of the French Economic Mission." "Je suis enchanté de faire votre connaissance." "Hiya." "Have you some orders for me?" "All ready, Burns..." "Cathy, this means no dance for me Saturday night." "Don't be silly, take Kitty." "I'd rather sit in my room and think of you." "Wouldn't you, Captain?" "Alone, in my room." "Take good care of her." " I'll watch her every moment." " That's fine." "We better be going." "Bye, Jack." "How about dinner the night you get back?" "It's a deal." "Alors, mon capitaine..." "Avez..." "Avez de bonne chance." "See you in church." "Sure." "So long." "So long." "That linguist is stuck on you." "What's the matter with him?" "It's only natural that you wouldn't understand." "It certainly is." "You chase after anything in skirts." "They're all the same to you." "But lots of men can tell them apart." "Sometimes they find one they like more than the others." "That's called love." "You probably haven't experienced it, but you must've read about it." "Where are we going?" "I go that way, I have to get my stuff." "Where do I go?" "I have to pay off my cab." "I'll meet you at the motor pool in twenty minutes." "Before you go." "Why did you say I run after everything in skirts?" "I didn't." "I said anything." "That's different, then." "American women..." "For weeks, you've been talking about the man as if he had jaundice." "He did." "Now you're over the moon because you'll be alone with him three days." "You can do a lot in three days." "If you work at it." "What about the dye?" "Is he still blue?" "He's still mad, but he's fun to fight with." "Bring that, will you?" "Sure." "Are you ready, Captain?" "Quite ready, Lieutenant." "Morning, Sergeant." "We need transportation to Bad Nauheim." "Sorry, you're all out of luck." "We'll settle for a jeep." "All we've got are motorcycles and side cars." "Come on, sergeant." "Did you look at your orders?" "What about those cars?" "You've got priority 4." "That's bottom." "Well, Captain, what do we do?" "We'll have to take a motorcycle." " Are you checked out on motorcycles?" " I can drive one." "If you ain't checked out, you can't." "I have a motorcycle licence." "Well, I guess that fixes you up." "We'll wait for a car." "I can drive one." "I'm sure." "I'm good on a motorcycle." "My brother had one, we went hill climbing." " I can even ride standing up." " What for?" "I can still ride a motorcycle." "Or are you afraid?" "We'll take it, Sergeant." "And I am afraid." " Any one of these?" " Sure, take your pick." "Remember, she has to drive." "That's regulations." "Thank you." "Sergeant, can we have a helmet and goggles?" "In the toolbox, lieutenant." "Yes." "Thanks." "What are you laughing at?" "Begging your pardon, how do you intend to ride?" "Side saddle?" "No." "Begging your pardon, astride." " It's a shame." " Excuse me." "How far is it to Bad Nauheim?" "About 120 kilometres." "Do you know the way?" "I've got a map." "Of Germany?" "Yes, Captain, of Germany." "You'll be all right." "Lieutenant!" "You forgot something!" "Never mind, let her go." "Sorry, I took it off for oiling and forgot to hook it up." "Take this one, it's all in one piece." "It would be better, don't you agree?" " I don't know." " You don't?" "Yes, I don't know." "You know how silly you look sitting there?" "Is it still so funny?" "No, I was just thinking how nice it'd be if this one came off while we were driving." "Oh, I dropped my lipstick." "It rolled over there." "Get it, will you?" "It's a pleasure to get out of this portable bathtub." "I can't reach it." "It's over there." "Climb over the top." "Let me down!" "Let me down!" "Henri, what are you doing up there?" " What's the deal?" " The area's sealed off from here to Battenberg." " What for?" " Rounding up a gang of black market dealers." " I have a pass." " Sorry, it's no good." "I've got a general pass." "Keep it." "All passes are suspended." " For how long?" " 8 to 12 hours, maybe 24." "I'm sorry." " Well?" " I might've known." "Don't blame me." "It's not my fault." "What'll we do?" "I can't wait here." "I've got to be in Bad Nauheim at 3 pm tomorrow." "If this thing had wings, we could..." "What's wrong with that?" " What?" " That boat." "It should say U.S. Navy on it." "Why not put the motorcycle on it and row down past Battenberg?" "It's not far." "We can pick up the road there." "Do you think they'll let us?" "We can try." "Lieutenant, can we take that boat and row past Battenberg?" "So long as you don't row on the road, it's none of my business." "Can we have some help?" "Thanks." " Sergeant Christian!" " Yes?" "Bring some men over here." "Watch your feet." "Put it in gear." "Thanks." "Lieutenant, tell the O.I. C we'll return the boat or telegraph him where to pick it up." "Will you help us to shove off?" "Thanks." "Have a nice trip." "Thanks." " Grab an oar." " Me?" "Yes, you." "An oar." "Pull, pull." "Pull." "What's that ahead?" "A bridge." "It's not on the map, though." "Where are we?" "A couple of miles should do it." "What's that noise?" "Sounds like a C-47." "It's bigger than that, must be a C-54." "Must be a lot of C-47s." "C-54s!" "Whatever kind of planes the are, they make a lot of noise." "It doesn't..." "Henri, row for shore, quick!" " Why?" " Don't argue, row!" "Let me tell you something." "I'm going straight down this river." "You sure are, but you're going over a waterfall first." "That's different..." "Henri, stop playing ostrich!" "Hold this!" "Let's try to pull ourselves free!" "All right." "Come on, pull, pull hard!" "I'm pulling!" "Now we're getting it!" "Danke!" "Now row." "I'm rowing." "Come on, Henri, pull." " Row hard." " I am!" "Now, turn it around." "I'll turn it." "You're so clumsy!" "Have you got it?" "A bit more." "That's awfully wet ground you're sitting on." "At the moment, I can't feel anything, but, when I do, I'm going to kick you bowlegged." "For what?" "For saving your life?" "Oh, yes." "You did catch that rope." "I did." "Convenient, wasn't it?" "They always are." "I suppose I owe you something." "I'll call it square if you explain the mission." "Come on, Henri." "There's a man there who grinds lenses." "His name is..." " What's the matter?" " Charley horse." "Roll over, I can fix that." "Never mind." "Go ahead with the story." " His name's Schindler." " A lens grinder." "I have to persuade him that we'll pay more than the black market." "That's sore." "Roll over, I'm good at that." "All right." "What's our problem?" "No problem." "A few well-chosen words, a contract, a passport and then home." "That's the whole plot." "Simple, isn't it?" "I don't see why they assigned me to this mission." "They didn't want to make it too easy." "How is my leg?" "Not bad, better than I remembered." "Perhaps the other..." "No, never mind." "That'll do." "Help me up." "I was just being friendly." "But you're never friendly from a distance." "Henri, one move, and it won't be a vat of dye, it'll be the river." " You wouldn't." " Yes, I would." "I think you would." "Catherine, your lack of co-operation is amazing!" "I'll co-operate by finding out where we are." "Who put us on the river?" "I knew you'd say that." "You're tiresome." "You're subnormal." "I don't propose to argue any further." "That darn road doesn't come within 10 kilometres of here." "Across open country in that thing?" "It'll be a little bumpy, but we'll make it by 3 o'clock." "We won't get there before dark, if we get there at all." "This motorcycle will go anywhere, if you help me get it out of the boat." "We'll be on the road in no time." "Pitch dark." "We're lost, absolutely lost." "Is there a difference?" "Haven't you got a bump of direction?" "It's the only kind I haven't got." "Come on, you drive." "My back hurts." "You're the one who checked out on the motorcycle." "Stop being so cute." "I hate you when you..." "What's that?" "Listen." "We must've been driving alongside that road for the last hour." "Perhaps they just moved it there." "Oh, shut up." "There's a sign back there." "See what it says." "I don't suppose you have a flashlight?" "No, I haven't." "What does it say?" "I can't see!" "Well, climb up, silly." "Hurry up, it's starting to rain." "What does it say?" "I can't tell." "It's in German." "Well, move your arm!" "You can come down now, Henri." " What does it say?" " Never mind, get in." " What does it say?" " "Wet paint"." "How many miles...?" "No, Henri." "No, no." "You'll get wet." "Get in the sidecar." "I know." "Hurry up." "All right, we're in Bad Nauheim." "You can come out." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure." "And bring my bag." "Good evening, come in." "Do you have any free rooms for this evening?" "Of course." "Do you want a one or two rooms?" " Two, please." " What are you talking about?" "He wanted to know if we want one room or two." " You told him?" " I told him." "Come this way." "What's the matter?" "My back, I think it's broken." "And it's all your fault." "If you'd got that cow out of the way, we needn't have taken that detour." " It was a bull." " Cow." "You said you couldn't tell at 20 yards away." "I know, but it couldn't be a bull, he would've had horns." " Who is it?" " Cinderella." "What do you want?" "My slipper." "Well, open the door." "What do you want?" "You just said that." "How's your back?" "Awful." "It hurts." "Get into bed." "I will not get into bed." "What are you doing?" "What's that?" "I brought you a drink." "I thought so." "I knew you'd get up to your..." "And some liniment to rub your back." "Get into bed." "We'll need some water." "Take your shirt off too." "I am not going to take my shirt off." "How am I going to rub your back through it?" "You won't rub my back through anything, including my foolishness." "Here, drink this." "Want some water?" "No." "It's good." "My back..." "Do you want it rubbed or not?" "Is that stuff any good?" "Turn over." "Wait a minute." "Stop bawling." "I don't want them to think we smuggled in a cow." "It stings." "It's supposed to." "Let it soak in for a while." "Relax." "You're dislocating everything." "Relax." "I hurt further up." "How can you relax if you won't co-operate?" "I said I hurt further up." "That's better." "Makes me feel sleepy." "Good." "That's nice, Henri." "I'm sorry I thought when you came in you were behaving like a stinker." "You've been a stinker for so long, I just didn't..." "I know." "Go to sleep." "With you in the room?" "I can't rub you from the hallway." "If I go to sleep, will you promise to leave." "I'll go now." "No..." "Feels good." "Go to sleep, I'll be gone in a minute." "Henri, about this mission..." "Never mind." "I just want to ask you a question." "What?" "Is this mission so important?" "It is to me." "It's my last assignment for the army." "I'm getting out next week." "I didn't know that." "Then, it is important, isn't it?" "Henri, I..." "I'm so sleepy..." "Good night." "She'll never believe me." "What happened?" "What happened?" "You unspeakable weasel, I knew you'd be up to your old tricks." " That's ridiculous." " Get out." " I said get out." " I can't." " Why not?" " The door handle came off." "What an excuse." "Couldn't you think of a better one?" " I don't believe you." " You try to open the door." "All right, I will." "Try to open the door." "How did you do that?" "You liar, you..." "You're worse than I thought." "Put on your shoes and get out." "Don't speak to me." "Do you understand?" "Don't speak to me again." "Ever!" "I don't want to talk to you." "Don't speak to me." "Stop banging on that door!" "You can't come in!" "I'm in." "Magic." "Henri, I told you not to speak to me." "Someone's out there." "Perhaps they'll let me out." "Who is it?" "Wer ist da?" "It's me, the innkeeper's wife." "Ein Moment." "We must do something." "I know, get out that window." "You can't be found here." "Don't argue." "American women..." "But..." "Come in." "Guten Morgen." "Morgen, Fraulein." "The door handle came off." "It's happened before." "I put it back." "I'm very sorry." "Climbing in the nice young lady's room?" "Raus hier!" "Raus hier!" "Henri!" "Come in." "Excuse me, I was looking for Captain..." "Henri." "No..." "What do you want?" "You look like an organ grinder." "Excuse me." "Sorry." "Excuse me." " What was that?" " The innkeeper." "I've borrowed his clothes." "Why?" "I came here to find Herr Schindler." "I'm going to the black market hangouts to see what I can find out." "If I'm in uniform, no one will tell me anything." "Is that reasonable?" "See you later." " Don't you want any help?" " No." "Oh, now, Henri..." "I'm sorry about the door handle." "You were telling the truth." "Nice of you to apologise." "That fixes everything." "What more can I do?" "I often wonder." "Henri, stop being like that." "You're behaving like a little boy." " I know it." " You said it was important, I just want to help." " Never mind." " Can I try to find Schlindler on my own?" " I could do something..." " Don't do anything." "You make me so mad, you don't want my help." "Don't do anything." "If you see me, don't speak to me, you don't know me." "Why not?" "You're in uniform." "They'll think I'm a stool pigeon." "Can't I go out by myself?" "Just take orders." "Remember, you don't know me." " All right." " You can't speak to me." " Okay." " I'm transparent, you can't see me." "I never could, not for sour apples." "You stubborn..." "He makes me so mad, I could..." "Catherine." "Catherine Gates." "Jowitt, how are you?" "Good to see you." "What are you doing here?" "I'm on a mission." "I'll tell you about it." "Shall we get breakfast?" "I know where we can get real coffee." "Come on." "Will you be here long?" "Just for a couple of days." "Fine." "Here we are." "Bill Trumble, Catherine Gates." "Hello." "How are you?" "Sit down." " Catherine just got in." " Guten Morgen." "Want anything besides coffee?" "Jam rolls, anything." " Make it for two." " Jawohl." "How long will you be here?" "Just a couple of days." "You haven't said why you're here." "It's not much of a story..." "Isn't that the fellow you were talking to at the inn?" "Yes, that's him." "He's going into the wrong place." "That's a black market hangout." "Bill has a friend in the MPs." "The German police are going to raid that place this morning." "The place he just went into?" " That's why we're here for breakfast." " Get a floor show for free." "You couldn't have chosen a better spot." "Here they are now." "Watch them operate." "She can identify me, an officer of the U.S. army." "Come here." "Catherine, tell these men who I am." "Identify me, please." "Is something wrong, officer?" "Lieutenant, he says he's a French officer and you know him." "I never saw him before in my life." "That's what I thought!" "You shouldn't have done this." "I'll get even!" "I'll get even!" "I'll get even, traitor!" "I'll get even!" "What is going on here?" "I'll tell you later." "Could you help me find a German lens grinder named Schindler?" " Sure." " We ought to be able to help." "Think so?" "Is this the man?" "Yes, that's Captain Rochard." "Good morning, Henri." "I trust you understand." "There was nothing else we could do." "No identity card..." "It was not really our fault." "Don't worry, I'm entirely aware of whose fault it was." "Henri, I did exactly as you told me." "Thank you, Captain." "One question." "Why have you no beds here?" "Didn't you have a bed?" "You see, when we had beds, everyone wished to be arrested." "It was terrible." "People did anything, just so they could have a bed." "I know how they felt." "Poor dear, you haven't had a wink..." "Shut up." "May I go now?" "Of course." "Thank you very much." "I'd like a word with you, outside." "Of course, I want to talk to you, too." "I want you to meet this..." "Listen, you bug-eyed traitor, remember this:" "I'll get even, I swear." "Even if it takes years, if it takes forever." "Go away, I'm busy." "I'll break you... like a dry twig, I'll turn you into a shaky old woman..." "I said I was busy." "...with tin cup." "This is the man..." "I understand you can be a rat, but there's one thing that baffles me..." "There's no pleasing some people." "It's your job." "The army gave you an assignment." "You took an oath as an officer, the oath of duty." "I followed your orders." "We'll never find Schindler." "Where is he now?" "He'll have heard I'm looking for him and gone underground." "I know how those fellows work." "What do you want?" "Who are you?" "." " Schindler." " Fine." "Will you please stop...?" "You're Schindler?" "Why didn't you say so?" "You wouldn't give anyone a chance to say a word." "Button your big lip so he can talk." "He hasn't much time before his train." "I just wanted to say I'm so glad, so grateful, so full of happiness." "Thank you." "Well, goodbye." " Wait, I want to talk to you." " He'll miss his train." "I'm going to Paris, French Economic Bureau." "I have my passport, documents and contract." "I took them out of your briefcase." "This wonderful lady gave and told me everything." "So, I leave Germany now." "I never wanted to be in the black market." "I'm a scientist." "Now, I'll work for science and for France." "No more like a thief in the night." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Goodbye." "Thank you again." "Goodbye." "Nice little guy." "So, you found him..." "I ran into him." "Someone I knew, knew him." "He was very anxious to go, as you heard." "It was easy." "Yeah, easy." "Easy." "Go ahead, start hollering, calling me names..." "Guten Morgen." "Was darf sein, bitte?" "Bitte, haben Sie kaffee?" "Zwei, bitte." "Just a minute, do you speak English?" "Sure." "You know, there's nothing I've ever really wanted in life." "Fame, money, position." "Nothing, until now." "There's just one thing: never to see you again as long as I live." "That was a rotten thing to say..." "Will you get the coffee, please?" "That was mean rotten." "Maybe, but it wasn't accidental." "Fortunately, I'm leaving the army." "I'll be a civilian." "Never again can they order me to work with you." "I'm going back to Heidelberg by train." "Get some other chump to torture in that sidecar." "I know why you're mad." "I don't blame you, I would be too." "I knew it was your last job." "I didn't think, I spoiled it for you." "I'd give anything if I hadn't." "I'd cut off my arm, almost." "I like you, Henri." "I can't help it." "You're stubborn and you don't know anything, but I don't want you to disappear without saying you'll write, or kick me, or use my toothbrush." "I wouldn't put it past you." "After all we've been to each other." "And all we haven't been." "After all we've done together." "And all we haven't." "I know that's not your fault." "It's mine and I feel..." "I'm making a fool of myself." "Now, get out or say something nice." "I don't know, Catherine..." "That was nice, Henri." "Please, say more." "If we're going to get back before dark, we better be going." "Henri..." "But, Catherine, just one thing." "Pay for the coffee." "Yes, Henri." "What happened?" "You went to sleep so I pulled over." "I thought this would be better." "Thank you." "I've been thinking." "Why do we fight all the time?" "You tell me." "Sex antagonism, I guess." "What does that mean?" "I think it means just the opposite of what it sounds like." "I can't even think what it sounds like." "Henri, I think it means we like each other, but won't admit it." "I'd like it distinctly understood..." "If I weren't so sleepy..." "Don't do it." "Go to sleep." "I will." "Are you all right?" " Go back to sleep." " Why are we stopping?" "I want to see a man about a road." "I'll be back in a minute." "Take your time." "Aufwiedersehen!" "Henri!" "Henri!" "You know, Catherine, I don't mind being the first to say it:" "I like you very much." "In fact, I'd miss you if you weren't here." "Henri, stop!" "Come back!" "Henri!" "Oh, no..." "Catherine, now that I've told you how I feel..." "My, this is terribly bumpy." "Look out!" "Catherine!" "Catherine!" "Darling, are you all right?" "Where are you?" "Yes, I'm here." "I'm coming." "I can hear you, but I can't find you." "Darling, are you all right?" "Where are you?" "Here I am, over here." "There you are." "Darling, thank goodness you're safe." "How did you get out there?" "Wait a minute." "I'm all out of breath from chasing you." "Chasing me?" "You weren't on the motorcycle?" "You were by yourself." "You got off and left me." "Henri, what's all this "darling" business you were mumbling about?" "Darling?" "Did I say that?" "I heard you." "Probably fright, it's natural." "Did you mean me?" "I think I was stunned momentarily." "Maybe, but you looked like you were going to kiss me when you saw me." "I what?" "I wish you had." "I've never been kissed by a Frenchman." "What's so strange about that?" "You know what people say." "That's nonsense." "You hear people talk..." "We're no different than anybody else." " I don't know, I've just heard talk." " That's silly." " Why don't you try it and let me see?" " Catherine..." "It's the only way to find out." "But it's so silly." "No harm in trying, is there?" "I suppose not." "All right, go ahead." " Are you ready?" " Sure." "That was no good, that wasn't different at all." "I told you it wouldn't be." "I thought it'd be better than that." "You didn't give me much of a chance." "That wasn't fair." "Of course it wasn't." "I ought to give you another chance." "Yes, you ought." "Go ahead, try again." "All right." "Come here." "Well, that was a little better." "See?" "Could've been even better if I'd had some co-operation." "If I'd had a French girl here..." "What do you mean by that remark?" "You haven't been giving me much help." " You think a French girl could do better?" " Yes, I do." " Do you want to try again?" " Yes." "So do I." "Wait a minute." "Lean back." "Comfortable?" "Yes." "Major, we want to get married." "When did you reach that decision?" "This afternoon, about 2:30." "In a haystack, Henri was on the motorcycle..." "I don't think the major will be interested in the details." "And you two didn't want to go away together." "It would seem your mission was very successful." " Thank you." " Congratulations." "You're the first to know." "I guessed as much." "As to getting married, there's one hitch." " Itch?" " It's probably the haystack..." "I don't..." "Hitch." "Marriages between American military personnel and aliens, and you come under that heading, must be approved by the general." "There's a set procedure." "It's only red tape." "Do you itch, Catherine?" "She said "hitch"." "We've got to get things approved." "Here are the forms." "Fill them out in quadruplicate." "When completed, send them to the Colonel's office." "And good luck." "Goodbye, Captain." "Yes." "Is she always so confusing?" "No, but this will be." "Look at all this stuff we've got to fill in." "She said there were only four." "You misheard." "She said four of each." "Let's go to my room to work." "Fine." "Wait a minute." "Souvenir." "You'll end up with a pocketful." "This is impossible." "Don't give up now, we're half way through." "My uncle's politics, my aunt's religion, any warts..." "By the way, my Aunt's name is Fanny." "Put that down." "Any identifying scars on my second cousin's clavicle..." "We'll never get this done." "Look at this: "Name your father's gender"." "No..." "It says so." "No, father's birthplace." "Gender belongs to this question." "I thought there was something wrong." "Idiot." "Were you ever captured by Peruvian Indians?" "No, why?" "I understand they do a good job of shrinking heads." "Come on, let's take time out." "There are a lot of things I'd rather do than answer questions." "This, for instance?" "Maybe I better go back and see another double feature." "No, come on in." "We're still filling out forms." "If anyone wants to do that with me, let me know." "I'm going to sleep." "Good night." "We've got to get busy." "Why do we have to go through all this?" "It's the army's way of finding out if you really want to get married." "I know a much better way." "Mayor Prendergast." "Yes." "At ease, Gates." "That'll be all right." "Well, Gates?" "I'm sorry to bother you, but we haven't heard a word in over a week." "Your papers must've bogged down." "Isn't there something you can do?" "He's getting nervous, and so am I." "I'll see what I can do." "I'll let you know." "Thank you, Major." " Gates..." " Yes?" "He is worth waiting for, isn't he?" "He is now." "I don't know what he'll be like by the time I get him." "I can't understand her marrying a foreigner she hardly knows." " It's ridiculous and disgraceful." " I can't see why she wants to." "You better get glasses." "Why are you women such pushovers for this parlez-vous hand kissing?" "Hand kissing?" "He does more than that." "Catherine told me he was plum crazy, chasing her and beating her up." "He left marks all over her, I saw them." "He could leave marks on me any time." "I'd bring the stick." "It wasn't a stick." "He kicked her right in the..." " What?" " He did." " Hi, Catherine." " We were just talking about you." "I bet you were." "Well, say something." "Did you see her?" "Don't lose your temper." "The papers are stuck somewhere." "Stuck how?" "Bogged down, lying on someone's desk." "What for?" "Henri, please." "I don't know." "They let other people get married." "What've they got against you?" "Me?" "It'll be you they're investigating." "Nonsense." "Why should they?" "Please." "There are other people here." "Why should they investigate me?" "Because the American army is very careful." "They better be, or they won't have any American children." "Will you lower your voice?" "I'll do better." "I'll take it somewhere else." "Do that." "And while you're about it, go bag your oars." "Bag your oars?" "What's that?" "More army talk?" " Navy." " Naval talk." "Charming." " You make me sick." " Good." "Henri..." "Excuse me." "Catherine, let me ask you something like a brother." "Do you really want to marry that phoney joker?" " Certainly not." " You're kidding?" "I hope he chokes, slowly." "Very slowly." "That's what I said." "A girl like you couldn't make a mistake like that." "Thank heavens for army red tape." "Don't thank the army." "Thank me, personally." "You?" "Why?" "I hid the papers." "I knew you'd change your mind." " You hid the papers?" " I knew I was doing you a favour." "You hid the papers..." "I filed them." "I don't mind going out on a limb for a friend." "It was taking a chance, sure..." "Now, your marriage." "Catherine, you want me to marry you in my church." "And you, Henri, promised the pastor of your parish he'd do the job." " Yes." " You better have both marriages." "I think he's right, Henri." "Let's get started." "Just a moment." "There's more to it." "Under German law, recognised by the occupying army, you have to go through a civil ceremony before the church ceremony." "So you have to be married by the Burgermeister in Heidelberg and then, come to me, and then go to Henri's pastor." "That makes three times." "Three?" "In China, the bride and groom drink tea out of the same bowl, that's it." " Are you Chinese?" " Of course not." " I thought not." "I'm not." " What brought that up?" " You mentioned drinking tea." " I was telling the chaplain..." "I'll drink tea with you." "Stop it." "Perhaps I shouldn't go through with this." "You can still say no." "We'll go to the Burgermeister and come back." " I'll be ready, any time." " Thank you." "Don't pay any attention to her." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." "Captain Henri Rochard, Catherine Gates..." "You've decided to live your future life together." "...and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as you both shall live?" "I will." "Please join right hands." "Henri, will you repeat after me," "I, Henri... take thee, Catherine... to be my wedded wife..." "He wants the ring." "I haven't got it." "Here." "Je t'épouse avec cet anneau." "Well, like it?" "I like it." "It's been quite a day." "We're a lot married, three times." "It was worth it." "I don't see how we could ever get a divorce." "It would be like unwinding the inside of a golf ball." "Want some more coffee?" "I just had four cups." "Besides, it keeps me awake." "What's the matter?" "I'm just thinking about a friend on his wedding night." "What happened?" "You see, he was..." "Pardon, monsieur." "Il y a quelque chose que vous voulez?" "Non, non, non." "Bon soir." " Tell me about it." " What?" "Your friend, on his wedding night." "I'm not so sure I can tell you." "Of course you can." "That's right, I can now, can't I?" "Well, here's what happened..." "This is just like my friend's story." " Now what?" " Can I come in?" " You're in." " I didn't want to come, but..." "Then go away." "Kitty, why are you here?" "I thought you'd gone back." "Of all the times..." "What do you want, anyway?" " I certainly didn't want to come here." " Then go away." "I've got something to tell you and you're not going to like it." "What?" "The Colonel gave orders you're to leave for Heidelberg in 20 minutes." " You're kidding!" " The whole outfit's going back to America." "America?" "Well, not right away." "We don't have to leave tonight." "Maybe you don't, but Catherine does." "Those are orders." " When do I have to report?" " Not until morning." "Then we stay here, fly back and report in the morning." "Tell the Colonel you couldn't find us." "He said if I tried to pull that one, we'd both be sorry." "I'm in a spot, so are you." "Get working on Henri's passport, or he won't be able to sail with you." "Henri, we're dead." "This is a fine wedding night!" "Find a place to stay in Heidelberg, it's better than nothing." "What do you mean, nothing?" "Start packing." "You've only got 20 minutes." "How do we get back from here?" "Plane to Frankfurt, there'll be a jeep there." "See you later." "Orders are I'm to stick with you till you get back to Heidelberg." "Orders..." "Orders?" "Orders..." "They wouldn't do this in the French army." "Poor Henri..." " Want me to wait for you?" " What do you mean?" " All night?" " I don't think it'll be that long." "What trouble are you dreaming up now?" "Where you're going it says B.O. Q:" "Bachelor Officers' Quarters." "I don't care." "That's where I live and where I'll take my wife." "It's against regulations." "Who cares about regulations at a time like this?" "Besides, I know the sergeant and he always looks the other..." "He's a very nice fellow from Tulsa, Oklahoma." "Please take the lieutenant home." "Goodnight, Kitty." " Goodnight." " Come along." " But..." " Please." " Goodnight, Kitty." " Goodnight." "Hope it works." "Leave it to me." "It's just us." "B.O. Q means." "Bachelor Officers' Quarters." "We went to six hotels, and they're all against regulations..." "What's the matter?" "Billings is on the couch." "Thompson and Kay are in the bedroom." " What are they doing here?" " Sleeping." " Come on." " Where?" "Since time began, man has always found a place for his mate, even if it was a cave." "Tonight, mankind's a flop." "You haven't a cave or even a bed..." "It's 3 am and it's my wedding night..." "My feet hurt, I couldn't walk another step..." "Yes, darling, yes." "Do you want to sleep here?" "No." "I mean yes, but I want you to sleep here too." "You can bunk up with me and he can sleep in the bathroom." "Sitting up?" "It's not so bad." "I slept in a bathtub once." "On your wedding night?" "No." "I'll get you some blankets and a pillow." "Come along, dear." "How could it turn out like this?" "I always planned a wonderful..." "I know, I know." "Come on." "The bathroom's there." "Goodnight, Henri." "Good night, dear." "Oh, everything's wrong." "I can't wear my new nightgown, there isn't any rice..." "Maybe Kitty has some mothballs." "I don't think it's funny." "Me, in one room and you, in a bathtub..." "Yes, dear, but never mind." "Goodnight, darling." "Don't cry, I'll be all right." "I'll be quite comfortable." "I'll just turn on the cold water." "Come on, Henri, hurry up." "We've a lot to do." "I am hurrying." "This is as fast as I can go." "Straighten up, you look like a question mark." " Thank you." " That's better." "What a place to put a faucet, in the middle of my back." "It is unusual." "Cheer up, tonight you'll have a bed to sleep on." "That's just it." "I don't mean to sound cranky, but this is so unnatural..." "I'll be at B.O. Q and you'll be miles away." "All because the army..." "We haven't time to look for somewhere else, we have to see the Consul." "Come on." "What are you doing in the gutter?" "Where else would I be?" "I know it's very important and you're in a hurry, but it won't be easy." "Take the matter of support:" "Captain, have you any money in the US?" "No." "And the laws of your country only allow you to take a nominal amount." "Yes, that's right." "A visitor's visa is no good, you couldn't take a job." "And unless your wife can prove she's able to support you, you couldn't get a permanent visa." "Catherine isn't going to support me." "Is there any other kind of visa?" "What about the French quota?" " It's filled up for this year and next." " What'll we do?" "I was wondering if public law 271 would apply." "That's the one regulating immigration of war brides." "Catherine doesn't have to immigrate, she's an American citizen." "I was thinking of you as the bride." "That's a good imagination you have there." "It says "spouses", it doesn't mention sex." "I'm convinced the American army doesn't believe in it." "This is going to work." "Yes, I think this will work." "Sure it will." "This is wonderful." "What?" "Spouses means mates." "It doesn't say male or female." "We're mates, right?" "I really wouldn't know..." "You're a spouse of a member of the American Expedition." "Therefore, you're eligible to travel under section 271, as her bride." "As her bride?" " Henri..." " Your bride?" "It'll be fun." "I know it's ridiculous, but it'll work." "It's the only way." "Here's the application." "I'm not going to travel as her bride." "Besides, her name's Rochard." "Excuse me, but officially, it's still Gates." "No, officially, it is Rochard." "I have 3 certificates to prove it." " Henri..." " I don't care." "Rochard." "Rochard." "Pay no attention." "What do we have to do?" "Fill out your name, rank, organisation, wife's maiden name..." " She hasn't got a wife." " Just for the time being." " Have you got a wife?" " No, but it's only a piece of paper." "Obviously, these applications are intended for the husband." "I can write." "We know, dear." "You can write." "No, this doesn't apply to you." "Just make the proper adjustments." " What?" " On these papers." "You want to go, don't you?" "Well, it's the only way." "Hand them over to the Immigration Officer when you've filled them out." " Thank you." " Catherine..." "It'll be simple, you'll see." "On the contrary, turning a man into a woman is enormously complicated." "But, I'll do my best." "Thank you, good day." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." "Just a moment." "Brides first." " I beg your pardon." " That's all right." "Hello, Henri." "Well, nothing happened." " Hasn't it come yet?" " I wonder if it even arrived." "I handed it to the immigration officer myself." "Henri, brace yourself." "I'm leaving." "Our whole outfit leaves tonight." "Tonight?" "That does it." "We're cooked." "The application will come this afternoon." "It won't." "You'll go and I'll sit here, wondering which sex I am." "A marriage of solitary confinement." "I've never been so lonely." "If I have to leave you, I'll shoot myself." "Shoot me too." "I think this is it." "It came to the office." "Thank you, Kitty." "At last..." ""Dear madam..." That's me." ""Following application of your husband..." That's you." ""...permission to enter the US as a war bride has been granted"." "I've got to go, see you later." "I'm so happy." "Kiss me." "We've time, that can wait." "Or maybe not." "No, Henri, the letter." ""Please fill in a test form and bring to this office..."" "Another form." "Will they ever run out?" "I won't." "I won't answer those questions." " This isn't so bad." " I won't answer those questions!" " You've got to." "You don't want to stay, do you?" " No." " Then you've got to answer." " How can I?" "You can." "Perhaps the man at the office will help you." "Impossible." "Control yourself and be nice." "Everything will be all right." "Read it on the way." "Goodbye and good luck." " I tell you, there isn't another form." " I told you first." "This form is for a woman." "On the other hand, if you don't fill it out, you can't go." "That's right." "I've got to use this form." "I felt the same way, but if it's the only form, let's fill it out." "Well, let's see." "Age and birth place, we've got." "Here's the first:" "Are you an expectant mother?" "Yes..." "How many months?" "20." "20?" "20 months..." "Any female trouble?" "Nothing but, Sergeant." "Have you had children before?" "My aching back..." "You know that awful feeling before breakfast?" " No, I don't." " You're lucky." "This doesn't make any sense." "I know, but we've got to fill it out." "Ask another, there are some good ones." "Attention, please." "Attention, please." "Will Mrs Milton come to the desk, please?" "Take seat 18 in bus number 3." " Mrs. Rochard." "Take seat 19 in bus number 3." " Thank you." "Wait a minute." "You're not Mrs. Rochard." "I'm Mr. Rochard." "It's your wife who must report for transportation to Bremerhaven." "According to the War Department, I am my wife." "You can't be your wife." "If the American army says I can be, who am I to dispute that?" "This is all wrong." "Major, for your information, I am a war bride." "A war bride?" "I'm slightly confused." "I don't blame you, but the official wording says:" ""I am a alien spouse of female personnel, en route to the US under public law 271 of the Congress"." "This is a strange situation, but I suppose it's legal." " Yes, it is." " Well, Mrs..." "Mr. Rochard, it won't be necessary for you to stop at the nurse's desk." "No?" "Attention, please." "All passengers must have their baggage checked before boarding." "All passengers must have their baggage checked before boarding." "Mrs. Turner, please come to the desk." "Mrs. Turner, please come to the desk." "He's crying, the baby." "Is that what he's doing?" "He wants water, yes?" "I wouldn't know." "When I want water, I ask for it differently." "He's a baby." "You are a man." "Thanks." "I'll get him some water." "You hold the baby." "I..." "I'll only be a minute." "I don't know anything..." "Oh, my God." "Yes, yes..." "Yes, yes..." "Attention, please." "Ladies, please stop moving and stay where you are till I finish." "This is the first leg of your journey to the US as guests of the army." "Arrangements have been made for your comfort at the Dependents Hotel." "You'll be able to get all you need at the PX there, such as lipstick, hairnets, garter belts, foundation garments..." "A lot of you have asked about the latest styles in the US." "Hair is being worn shorter, close to the head." "Skirts are long and rather hippy, the full blown look." "The trend is to the natural bust line." "Between us, girls, looking around, I don't think any of you need worry." "Now, if you'll move out in order, the buses are ready." "Happy journey, ladies." "He has to be here somewhere." "Look." "Henri, you look so maternal..." "What is that?" "A human fire extinguisher." "Want to try?" "Come on..." " He's cute." "What's his name?" " Niágara." " Henri, what a thing to do." " Where's the mother?" " She went to get more water." " She ought to get a plumber." "You've got to get out." "How can we...?" "There's the mother." "I'm sorry." "Oh, darling..." "Mr. Rochard." "Your seat on the bus has been changed." "You're sitting with the driver." "I thought I could sit with you." "You can't, Kitty and I are flying." "The whole outfit's going." "Come on." " No!" " I'll be there to meet you." "Will we be together in Bremenhaven?" "I hope so." "I'll try." "If not, I won't sit with the driver." "Do you want me to carry that?" "No, thank you..." "Darling, was it bad?" "30 women." "With the exception of you, I may never talk with another." "Poor Henri..." "Let's get away." "Where do we go?" "You don't, Henri." "I don't?" "You couldn't fix it?" "They wouldn't hear of it." "I'm in building 11 and you stay here." "Isn't there any chance?" "I've argued for an hour." "I'm learning what it is to be a soldier's wife." "I know, dear." "I feel the same way." "Tomorrow on the boat, it'll be different." "I've got to go now." "Come on, Kitty." "I'll meet you on the dock tomorrow." "Get a good night's sleep." " That's all I'll be getting." " Hello and goodbye." "Hello and goodbye, hello and goodbye your name on the list, you understand there'll be a wait, because we've a lot of people to attend to." "Fill out the form and bring it back, and I'll see what I can do." "I'm sorry, visiting hours are over." "You can see your wife tomorrow." "My wife will have to visit me, I'm billeted here." "You are?" "But you can't..." "Lieutenant." "There must be some mistake." "No mistake." "I'm an alien spouse of female military personnel en route to the US, under public law 271 of the Congress." " Good grief." " The record shows 139 war brides, 126 children of war brides, 9 dogs, 3 cats, 2 canaries, one parrot..." " Oh, yes." "Here you are." " Then, me." "You must've been added later." ""One war bride, male"." " Is that you?" " That's me." " There's a problem." " Why?" "You can't stay here." "I have to, I'm billeted here." "If you insist." "We already have 3 to 10 women in every room." "To say nothing of the dogs and cats." "I mean, you can't stay here." "I can't stay here." "The place for you is the officers' billet in the staging area." "It won't be half as interesting." "It's just down the street, the third building on the left." "Thank you very much." "Thank you." " Hello." " Hello." "I suppose you wonder what I want here." "I will, if you want me to..." "I'm an alien spouse of female military personnel en route to the US, under public law 271 of the Congress." "I'm a war bride." "No kidding?" "That's interesting." "Would it interest you enough to give me a bed?" " You can't sleep here, Mack." " Why not?" " Are you an American officer?" " No." "You can't sleep here." "Go to the Dependents Hotel." "I have just come from the Dependents Hotel." "The one in Bremerhaven?" "I mean the one down at the staging area." "I'm too tired to walk all that distance." "Suit yourself, Mack, but you can't sleep here." "There must be a bed that's free." "You must have one, where is it?" "Across the street." "My wife's in it." "And you can't..." "Of course not." "Quite right." "Naturally." "Well..." "Oh, brother." "Down this way." "This is awfully kind of you, sergeant." "I'm a private, but you've got to sleep somewhere." "You won't get in trouble, will you?" "What can they do?" "Bust me to civilian?" "It ain't the Ritz, but it should do." "It's fine." "I'm grateful to find a friend like you." "Where do you live?" " Brooklyn." " I'll look you up when I get there." "Get a good sleep." " No, thank you." " Wake up." "No, thank you." "What are you doing here?" "I had a feeling." "I'm an alien spouse of female military personnel en route to the US, under public law 271 of the Congress." "Why aren't you at the Dependents Hotel?" "I am writing a book about that." "You see, I'm not a woman." "That's too bad." "But I tell you one thing: you can't sleep here." "Note I have not taken off my clothes in anticipation." "Where will I go?" "I don't know, but you can't sleep here." "We're agreed." "Where will I go?" "The only place left is a German hotel, but you're a dependent." "You come under military law and German hotels are out of bounds." "Where will I go?" "I don't know." "I'm sorry, but there's an army rule and you can't sleep here." "I beg your pardon." "Where will you go?" "I don't know." "It's a shame." "If we was in Brooklyn, you could've slept with the old man." "Hiya." "Oh, hi." "What can I do for you?" "I'm looking for a place to sleep." "Can you help me?" "Afraid not." "Nothing but women sleeping in there." "I know, building 11." "My wife's in there." "A lot of people's wives are in there." "Have you ever noticed women always get a place to sleep." "Why is that?" "I suppose it's because they're the weaker sex." "I believe they're stronger." "Do you know why?" "Because they get enough sleep." "I'm sorry I can't help you." "Very kind of you, Corporal." "Good night." "Are you from Brooklyn?" "Yonkers." "What are those?" "Good night, buddy." "I'm am an alien spouse of female military personnel en route to the US, under public law 271." "I've been all over looking for a place to sleep." "You poor man." "You can't stay here." "This is a female building." "It is?" "Another women's building." "I've come to the conclusion that American men don't sleep." "Well, not in this building." "Would there be any objection to me sitting here for a while?" "Imagine I'm waiting for something." "It depends on what you imagine you're waiting for." "I don't want to send you out on a night like this." "Very kind." "That's nice." "Tell me, what part of the US do you come from?" "Boston, Massachusetts." "Massachuchu..." "Is there a place called Yonkers?" "Sure, it's in New York." "I was wondering..." "I'm a little mixed up." "May I hold that for you?" "Thanks." "I just got married." "Where's your wife?" "She's in a female building, building 11." "And you couldn't find a bed anywhere?" "No." "Well, almost." "There was one in Brooklyn, and another with a woman in it." "He was a very disagreeable man." "Who was?" "Her husband." "It would've been nicer in Brooklyn." " With the husband?" " No, the old man." "You are tired, aren't you?" "There he is." "See you on the boat." "Okay." "Excuse me." "Pardon me." "Pardon me." "I was afraid you'd missed the bus." "Could you take these bags, please?" "Thank you." "Henri, you look awful." "What have you been doing?" "Sitting up all night with a redhead, knitting." "You ought to see me pearl." "You want to see her pearl." "What are you talking about?" "Attention all passengers." "Get on board as soon as possible." "I'd like to show you how to do that." "We've got to go." "Have you got your papers?" "Right here." "We just have to get aboard." "Remember, no back talk, no argument." "Keep your temper." "Promise?" "I promise." "Come on." "Here's your boarding card." "Your orders, Lieutenant?" "Thank you." " Lieutenant Gates." " Right." " Your boarding card." " Thank you." " What do you want?" " To go aboard." "Sorry, this ship is for war brides and a few military personnel..." "I know." "Here are my orders." " Have you a Rochard on your list?" " Yes, Mrs. Henri Rochard." "That's me." " You're not a woman." " We want your wife." "You can't have her." "I'm particular about that." "Henri..." "Yes, Catherine." "I'll remember." "There's been a misunderstanding." "My name is Henri Rochard." "Have you ever heard of a woman called Henri?" "I'm trying to think..." "You know a lot of dames, Sam." " I know a Billie..." " Maybe he's right." "I am a war bride." "This is my wife." "It's a natural mistake, you're not the first to make it." "If my papers are in order, may I go aboard?" "We'll have to let him on." "Your boarding card." "Thank you, good day." "Good day." "You were wonderful." "I knew if you kept your temper it'd be all right." "I thought I behaved quite well." "You did." "Room B14, Lieutenant." "Thank you." "How did you get here?" "This is for war brides and military personnel." "I know." "My name is Rochard." "You'll think I'm a bride, but actually I'm a husband." "There'll be some confusion, but if we keep our heads, it'll be fine." "I don't think it will." "I've got a Mrs. Rochad on my list." "Rochard." "She's in A88, with two brides and three children." "That will have to be altered." "Not by me." "I've just explained to the army, they understood and passed you." "The army passed you." "That's fine, that's just dandy." "Did you hear?" "The army understood and passed him." "This is the Navy, bud." "I have had weeks of the US army and am quite prepared to take on the US navy." "And the Navy is quite prepared to take you on." " Get this guy off." " Get going." "Just a minute." "Have you eve heard of a women called Henri?" "Yeah, Henrietta, from San Francisco." "Take him." "Never mind, never mind." "Just go on about your business." "You shouldn't have lost your temper." "Where are you going?" "To change back into a man." "I'm tired of being my own wife." "Wait, you can't give up now." "Make them give up Someone has to." "Once on board, everything will be over and you'll be a man forever." "It's worth a try, isn't it?" " How can we?" " I don't know..." "Would you take this bag?" "I left something on the bus." " I'll have someone put it in the mess hall." " Thanks." " What were you saying?" " Do you love me?" " Of course." " You'll make one more try to get aboard?" " If you say so..." " Promise?" " Promise." " You'll keep it?" " I promised, didn't I?" " Come on." "Here, hold these." "Whoa boy." "No, that won't do." "Here's a better one." "Whoa, boy." " What are you doing?" " Come on, lean down." "Lean down." "I want to see something." " That goes perfectly." " With what?" " Give me your knife." " You're not going to...?" "I won't do it." "It'll make a perfect wig." "And we've got the clothes." "I will not do it." " You said you loved me." " I'm not so sure." "You promised." "Give me your knife." "Come on, there's not much time." "This is ridiculous." "Can't you at least cut it off the mane?" "You're taking this too personally." "Stand so no one can see." "It's a little thick." "It won't be so bad when I get your bangs rolled." "Want to see?" "Horrible." "I don't think I'll have to defend my honour." " I doubt it." " A pity." "I wonder if some lipstick would help." " No." " Why not?" "I'm the outdoor type." "Seabiscuit, bangtail, you know." "Silly." "Hold still." "Let me roll these." "Wait, I forgot something." "Can you talk like a woman?" "Like this?" " Awful." "Can't you do any better?" " No." "All right, then not a word, leave everything to me." "And keep your head down." "Would you put this in the mess hall for me, please." "Thank you." "Wait a moment." "Did you hear that?" "I must look pretty good." "Don't be silly, that was for me." "I ought to punch him in the nose." "Remember, you're a lady." "Oh, yeah..." "We have our boarding cards." "We've been up before." "Go ahead." " I don't remember the tall one." " It's hard to forget a face like that." "Yeah." "Lieutenant Gates, B14." "I was up before." "Yes." "Your orders, please." "This is funny." "Rochard..." "Why aren't you listed among military personnel?" "Save your voice, dear." "Excuse her, she has laryngitis." "What was that?" "Why isn't she listed among the military personnel?" "She was just married." "That may be, but..." "Red, come here." " What's the trouble?" " This lieutenant's listed as a Mrs." "Why did they put you down as...?" "How do you do?" "Why did they put you down as Mrs instead of lieutenant?" "She has laryngitis, she can't talk." "Maybe it was because of her husband." " Who did she marry?" " Admiral Rochard." " Who?" " Admiral Rochard." "The name's familiar, but I don't remember an admiral." "You never heard of her husband?" "He won't like that." "Florence, if I were you, I wouldn't say a word." " You heard him, Red, Admiral Rochard." " Yeah, maybe I have." " All right." " Room A88, Lieutenant." "Get your instructions in the mess hall." "Thanks." "Come, Florence." "First time I ever felt sorry for an admiral." "Cams aren't bad." "Now, I'm beginning to feel sorry for you." " In here, please." " We were..." "Please, your instructions first." "Come on, Florence." "I don't like that name." "Shut up." " Kitty..." " No..." "Stand on the other side so they can't see." "They wouldn't let him on..." "Henri, duck down." " I can hear." " You're too tall." "Duck down." "He looks awful." "I didn't have much to work with." "Have you got a room?" "Yes, but they wouldn't let a thing like that in." "We've got to hide him somewhere till the boat sails." "We better not stand here." "Someone's spotted him." "We need a nurse." "It's an emergency." "Will you come with me?" "I'm a nurse." "Come along." "I hadn't counted on this." " Very lucky to find a nurse." " What's the matter?" "My wife's expecting a baby." "What?" "Oh, no..." "It isn't very convenient, is it?" "You can say that again." "It isn't very convenient, is it?" "No, no it isn't." "I wonder if it'll be a girl." "I'll be grateful if it's a baby." "You will?" "You're very kind." "I wish I knew what was going on." "You won't have long to wait." "I won't?" "Gee whiz, I don't think I can stand this." "You've got a bigger shock coming." "I have?" "She got dizzy." "Thank you, I'll take care of her." "I'll get you some water." " Pardon me." " This is the father." "How do you do." "Is it a boy, or a girl?" "What happened to him...?" "Well, if it isn't Florence..." "Arrest that man." "It's all right, Henri." "The ship has sailed." "Come on, Flo." "Florence..." "May we come in?" "I don't see how I can stop you, the key's on the outside." "Henri, this is Lieutenant Perkins and Commander Willis, the chaplain." "Chaplain?" "Oh, no..." " No, nothing doing." "I'm sorry, chaplain." " Nothing doing what?" "No more marriages." "I won't marry her again." "That won't be necessary, Mr. Rochard." "Everything's straightened out." "Sorry about the mix up, but your case was unusual." "You're an alien spouse of female personnel en route to the US, under public law 271 of the Congress." " Am I now?" "Under the circumstances, the Captain would like to forget the whole thing." " Don't you understand?" "You're free to go." " Where?" " Anywhere on the ship." " You're bunked in with an officer." "He doesn't mind." "I think he would mind." "He won't like that." "I snore terribly." "You don't snore." "How would you know?" "Couldn't we do something simple?" "Couldn't I just stay here?" " I suppose..." " I don't see why not." "Thank you, that's very nice." "You've been a great help." "Good night." "Thank you very much." "You wouldn't." "Yes, I would." "I believe you would." "How will we ever get out of here?" "I'm not going to worry about that until I see the Statue of Liberty."