"Dad?" "It's okay, Dad." "Lynn will be back soon." "Good evening, listeners and welcome to..." "Haven't you got any money?" "He's known as the Maori comedian with that famous laugh... and widely recognised as one of NZ's most loved entertainers." "Billy T James lies gravely ill in hospital tonight." "The Kaikohe Police Station was burgled last night." "The burglars took the toilet." "The cops said today that they've got nothing to go on." "Billy received a heart transplant over a year ago." "However, complications have meant... that he checked into Auckland's Greenlane Hospital, this afternoon." "The tests are conclusive, Billy." "The fever you caught has damaged your new heart." "It's beyond repair." "Well, how long have I got, then, doc?" "We can't be sure." "You know, I had a mate in the same situation." "Yeah, the doc came in and said," "'I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news,'" "Billy." "'The good news is..." "you've only got 24 hours to live'." "'Oh, hell, doc,' my mate reckons, 'What's the bad news?" "'" "The doc says," "'Should've told you yesterday'." "I'll check on you again shortly." "Yeah." "Lynn,... when it happens," "no tangi, okay?" "I, um..." "I can't stand the thought of all those strangers... staring at me for days on end." "But they're your whanau." "What do you want, Billy?" "I wanna be at home, at our home." "Then that's what's happening." "How are you holding up, Dad?" "I told your Mum not to name him after me, but she went ahead, and look what happened." "Jesus got us mixed up and took the wrong Bill." "He looks so handsome." "At peace now, aren't you, love?" "Whano, whano." "Haramai te toki!" "Haumie, hui-e, taikie!" "Ngara mai matou mo Billy." "No, no, no." "You get out of here." "Kao!" "Kaore e tukuna e au." "Puta atu koutou ki waho." "They want our Billy." " Hey!" " No, don't!" "Don't!" "No, no, no, no!" "You've got it wrong!" "He's going to the marae after the service at St. Matthews." "We had an agreement!" "This is what Billy wanted!" "It doesn't matter what Billy wants any more." "Kati!" " That's my boy!" " Cherie, call the police!" "Not my boy!" "Hikitia." "That's my brother!" "Billy!" "Hands off him!" "That's my son!" "Hui-e, taiki-e!" "Haramai, Cherie." "Cherie?" "What is going on?" "They're his whanau." "Now he's dead, they're his whanau!" "They love him too." "They have no right to do this!" "Billy wanted to be here with us." "He has to go home." "Oh God." "# I say mony." "# Yeah." "# Mony." "# Yeah." "# Yeah." "# Yeah." "# Yeah." "Yeah." "# Yeah." "# Mony, mony." "# Mony, mony." "# Mony, mony." "# I said come on, come on, come on." "# Mony, mony." "Mony, mony." "# Mony, mony." "Mony, mony." "# Gonna feel all right now." "# Mony, mony." "# I said yeah." "# Yeah." "# Yeah." "# Yeah." "# Yeah." "# Yeah." "# Yeah." "# Yeah. #" "I'm William Taitoko." "Thank you very much!" " You enjoying it?" " Yeah." "Whoo-hoo, it's William Taitoko!" "Hey, can I have your autograph?" " Bill!" " CROWD CHEERS" "You should get back up there." "Okay, okay, How about that Mick Jagger, right?" "His lips are so big..." "is he a Maori or what?" "Not as big as Billy's lips, though, eh, mate?" "Lynn." "I've been summoned." "I'll see you after the gig." "You remind that bugger you finished work at 5." "So, what did your boss want?" "Don't tell me he tried to have his wicked way with you." "Well, he didn't sack you, did he?" "He said I shouldn't be seen with Billy." "And he's damn right." "Everyone knows musicians are nothing but... sex maniacs and drug addicts." "Leave it out, cuz." "He doesn't like Billy 'cos he's a hori, right?" "If you're sticking with Billy, you better get used to it." "This whole country is full of rednecks." "Now, kids, make sure you use protection." "# Well, you called me your baby # when you hold my hand." "# Oh, honey, you hurt me." "# I just don't understand." "# I just don't understand." "Here we are, my lady." "There must be other hotels you can play at, Billy." "I mean, you're the best." "There's just no one else hiring at the moment." "Well, we can't let him get away with this." "What do you want me to do?" "I'm..." "I'm an entertainer." "It's just not right." "Hey." "I love you, you know that?" "I love you too." "Then will you marry me?" "Are you being funny?" "I, um..." "I wouldn't have you on about something like this." "Oh." "Then, yes..." "I'll marry you." "# I looked into the sky." "# Everything was high, # higher than it seemed # to be to me." "# Standing by the sea, # thinking I was free." "# Did I hear you call or was I dreaming then, St. Paul?" "Relax." "Mum thinks you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." "Yeah, that's before she knew I was marrying you." "She'll be overjoyed." "How do you know?" "We've been on at Billy for months." "Told him if he didn't hurry up and ask, you'd get bored and run away, didn't we, Wiri?" "He can be a bit shy." "Nah, just used to being talked over." "Oh." "We never thought much of those other girls he used to bring home." "Really?" "There weren't that many." "Groupies." "You know the type..." "short skirts and foul mouths." "Lynn doesn't wanna hear about that, mum." "There was that Maori girl, though." "You remember the one, Wiri." "You knew her uncle." "She was nice, but, oh dear, hadn't been out of the pa for long, that's for sure." "How's the music going, son?" "It's okay." "More than okay." "Go on, tell them." "More good news?" "I've been asked to audition for the Maori Volcanics." "With the hottest show band in the country." "Well, that's blimmin' great, son, eh?" "It's just an audition." "Well, I don't know how you expect to support a wife by playing music." "Oh, I'm not gonna be giving up work, Ruby." "Then what about children?" "Mum!" "We've decided to wait." "Wait for what?" "The world to end?" "Kei te pai raua." "Just hope I don't die before I get to see these mokopuna of mine." "Well, don't give up on me just yet, mum." "I took your advice, and I applied to become a traffic cop." "And I got accepted." "Oh, why didn't you say so?" "Do you hear that, Wiri?" "I can just see him in his uniform." "As long as he doesn't give me a bloody ticket, eh?" "He's really talented, you know, Ruby." "Oh, I know he's talented." "The music's in his blood." "Did he tell you he was adopted?" "A whangai?" "He didn't say much." "His mother, Sally, was a cousin." "Oh, there were so many kids." "Hello." "What's your name?" "Ko wai koe?" "You've come to take Baby?" "Ay." "Baby's coming to live with us." "You don't have to worry about that." "I told them I can look after that little baby, so youse can go home now." "Is that Jimmy playing?" "Smooth." "Oh, he's smooth alright." "That's how come I've got ten kids." "Eh, Timi." "We only want the best for the baby." "We will love your baby, with all our hearts." "Jimmy." "It's... time." "E hine." "Where did you hide the baby?" " I told you the old man was good, ey?" " Yeah." "Back when I was a kid, whenever our cousins got a... music lesson, they shared what they learnt with the rest of us." "Everyone could play something." "Ever think about taking your music further?" "Nah, no one went professional back then." "Mm." "Different now, though, eh, Billy?" "This is for you." "Oh, no, you know you don't need to do this, Ruby." "I have a job." "I can look after the both of us." "Shut up, girl, and take it." "It's just until that son of mine gets a real job." "Oh, keep it, honestly, Ruby." "You should be taking it easy." "Stop working so hard." "Don't you worry about me, girl." "Go on, buy yourself something nice." "You deserve it, having to put up with him all the time." "You know I love him more than anything in the world?" "I feel good about you, Lynn." "Mum's right." "The music industry is a risky business." "Yeah, and if you become a traffic cop, she'll be worried about the accidents and the explosions just like on TV." "Lynn believes in you, son." "What if I stuff up?" "What if you don't?" "Hello?" "Mrs Hastings?" "Come on in." "It's open." "This place is great." "What do we have to do?" "Nothing." "Just meet the landlady." "Just had to lock the dog up." "He doesn't bite, but he's a bit yappy with strangers." "Uh, this is my fiance, Billy." "He loves it already." "Hello." "William Taitoko." "I..." "I'm sorry." "There's, um..." "been a bit of a problem." "What sort of problem?" "Uh, the flat's no longer available." " But you said..." " I thought it was, but it isn't." "It's my mistake." "But I've paid a deposit." "Yes, so you did, but I..." "I haven't banked it yet." "There you go." " Hey, Lynn, let's go." " No, hold on a minute." " Lynn, just..." " You can't do this." "But I have done it." "I've let the flat to someone else." "I'm sorry, but that's the way it is." "Lynn, can we just...?" "I don't get it." "She was so nice the other day." "I'm really sure she was charming till she saw the colour of my skin." "It's terrible." "We should do something about it." "Nah, don't make a fuss." "We can't do anything, anyway." "Oh, Billy, I'm sorry." "Hey, don't worry." "We'll find somewhere really good." "We don't want that bossy old cow as a landlady, anyway." "Shh." "# Get up with the sun # and go running to the sea." "# Cast away your mourning clothes and fly away with me." "# Taste the salt upon you." "# Feel the warming sand." "# Find a singing shell and hold the ocean in your hand." "# Feel the breath of the air # and the peace and the call of the sea." "# It's the one place I know you can go any time to be free. #" "Here." "Maybe we should get into bed." "That's an idea." "Oh, the light." "Oh." "Billy, I'm no expert." "It's my first time." "Christ." "You too, eh?" "Oh." "You know what I've been thinking?" "Give me a five-minute smoko break, then you can tell me." "Maybe your mum's right." "We shouldn't wait to have kids." "You sure?" "Can you imagine us as parents?" "A mum and a dad." "Yeah." "Yeah, I like it." "Do you ever think about your birth family?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I used to." "Used to, uh, think about why I was the one they gave away." "They wanted the best for you." "All these years and not one visit." "How could anyone just abandon their kid like that?" "Use this to blow your nose... and ask the teacher if you need to go to the toilet." "If you don't understand something that the teacher tells you, just pretend you do." "No point in arguing, because that Pakeha... he always wins." "Be a good boy." "But I want to go home with you." "You have to be strong, Billy." "Off you go now." "This is William Taitoko, and he's new today." "Tell us something about yourself, William." "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" "Only the Deaf use Sign Language, William." "We use our words." "Got one sister." "Name's Ngaire." "Just one?" "Really?" "We get a little smack if we don't tell the truth." "How many brothers and sisters do you have, William?" "Ten." "Good." "Now, take a seat next to Peter." "This morning we are reading about a little fox... who tries to cross a bubbling brook." "What's a bubbling brook?" "A little stream." "Ah, you mean a creek." "I suppose I do." "Bubbling brook." "Bubbling brook." "Bubbling brook." "# There you goin', baby." "# Here am I." "# Well, you left me here so I could sit and cry." "# Well, golly gee, what have you...?" "#" "Hello!" "Well?" "How'd it go?" "Good." "Yes, good." "I had fun." "Yeah, but did you get it?" "Let's just say you could be looking at the next Maori Volcanic." "If I want to." "You promised me if you got in, you'd forget this traffic cop business." " Nah, that's not it." " Your mum will come round." "The Volcanics go on tour in 2 weeks and the band's going to the UK." "That's exciting." "And we won't be back for two years." "You come with us." "I can't do that, Billy." "But this is the UK." "I'm not giving up my life here to follow you around England." "That kind of life, all those clubs, where do I fit into that?" "Yeah, I'll just..." " I'll tell them I can't come." " No." " I'm not going without you." " This is your dream." "And if you don't go, we'll both be miserable." "We trust each other, don't we?" "I'll miss you too much." "Well, you just make sure you call me every week." "At 100 dollars a pop?" "You gotta be kidding." "I'll call... and I'll write... and I'll stay away from girls with short skirts and foul mouths." " No, leave it!" " It might be the Volcanics." "Hello?" "Hey, hi, sis." "No, hey, hey." "Hey, what's up?" "No, that can't be right." "No, not Mum." "Kei te whaea Ruby... anel ratou to whanau e tangi e haku nei." "Tiraha mai koe i roto i te kopu o te whenua." "Takoto, takoto, takoto." "Ngungare hote te pu." "He one kite one." "I don't know what to say." "Tena koe, boy." "Tena korua." "Kia ora, uncle." "Te tama o Ruby, ne?" "E pai kite kite a koe." "The last time I saw your mum, she was going on all about you, her famous son." "Mum said that?" "Oh yeah." "We're all proud of you here, boy." "You know, it may not be the happiest occasion, but it's bloody good to have you home, eh?" "I haven't had much opportunity to come down here before." "Don't need any reason to come home." "We're all family here." "They won't change just because we've buried Ruby." "Kia kaha." "Ka pai." "This place gives me the creeps." "Like I'm going to rock up to that guy's house with a bottle of whisky." "He's just being friendly." "Hey, if Mum had wanted us to be Maoris, she would have brought us up like Maoris." "She wanted us to succeed, Lynn." "All I'm saying is you don't have to turn your back." "Oh, that's enough." "Your mum always gave me too much meat and too many spuds." "Could never eat the bloody things." "Dad?" "Just gonna wash my hands." "There a law against that?" "Well, at least he's seeing Mum's death in a positive light... doesn't have to eat any more." "How's he gonna cope?" "She did everything for him, even ironed his socks." "He's just washing his hands." "It's when they stop keeping themselves clean you have to worry." "Nah, he's just nipped outside for a fag." "I should never have listened to him." "He's clearly not ready to live by himself." "Maybe we could move in for a little while just till he gets back on his feet." "You're off to the UK tomorrow." "There is no way I'm leaving the old man." "Ngaire and I are quite capable of looking after him while you're gone." " I can pop in most days." " I'm staying put." " We don't need you." " Hang on." "Boy." "I want you to go to England." "Chance of a lifetime." "Make your mum proud." "Make us all proud." "And I can look after my own self." "You got that?" "Now let's eat." "I'm bloody starving." "Here, Papa." "Flash place, all right, eh?" "Oh, flash prices too." "Looks like we're all going sober tonight." "Thank you." "We're gonna take a short break, and then, fresh back from England, it's Billy James." "Who are they?" "The Hegans." "That's supposed to mean something?" "Biggest entertainment agents in the country." "Oh, of course." "Yeah." "Your drummer tells me you toured the UK with him and the Volcanics." "Yeah, um... well, but this is my..." "my first solo gig." "Oh Jesus." "I'll tell you what, son." "You finish the gig, I give you 50 bucks." "They boo you off stage before then, you get nothing." "Keep the language clean as well." "This is a classy establishment, OK?" "It's not a pub full of horis." "Got it?" "Hey, my act's clean as a whistle." "Am I understood, boy?" "Understood." "Good." "# Everybody there had a happy celebration. #" "Hiya, swingers." "It's been a long week." "You're back on C'mon, so lose your blues and get with the go-go." "For the next 30 minutes, it's a happening scene, and I can see these..." "Is this what my comrades in the Maori Battalion sacrificed... their lives for in the deserts of Africa, so you boys could waste time watching this blasted TV?" "No, sir." "Where's Mr. Paiwai?" "He's doing research for his apprenticeship, sir." "What sort of research does a... painting and decorating apprentice do on a Saturday evening?" "Sir, he's getting plastered at the pub." "You think I lay down these rules just to give you all a hard time?" "This world we're living in isn't run by your uncle... or your relations." "It's run by the Pakeha." "You can't just be as good as him to get a job, 'cos they'll give it to their own." "You gotta be better..." "much better." "Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Billy T. James." "Well, actually my real name is William James Te Wehi Taitoko, but when I decided to go solo, my mate Prince Tui Teka said," "'Ah, cuz, you gotta find yourself a new name." "Something those Pakeha can pronounce, eh'?" "So here I am." "Billy T. James." "I come from a big family, you know?" "Do you?" "Yeah, I do." "There's 17 in my family." "We put our mum up on a pedestal, eh." "Yeah." "Yeah, we had to to keep the old man away from her." "Cheeky bugger!" "And because we didn't have a lot of money," "Mum had to buy all our school clothes from the army surplus store." "Yeah, it's true." "I tell you what, it's bloody tough for a 5-year-old boy... going to school dressed as a Japanese admiral." "Hey, I'll tell you guys a joke." "I'll tell you guys a joke." "This IRA terrorist arrives at the Pearly Gates, and he's met by St. Peter, who asks his name." ""O'Shaunessy," says the Irishman." "Nah, cut it out, cut it out." "Serious." "Serious." "'Ah, Mr. O'Shaunessy,' says St. Peter looking in his big book." "'I see here that you're responsible for a number of bombings in the Derry district... 'that resulted in the deaths of over 20 people', 'including 6 members of the Royal Ulster Constabulary'." "'That's right,' said O'Shaunessy." "'Well, I'm sorry', says St. Peter, 'but you can't come into heaven'." "'I don't want to come in." "I'm giving you five minutes to get out!" "'" "Hey, Billy." "Billy!" "Hey, thanks, man." "I'll tell you what, you come back next Saturday, I'll double your fee." "Right." "And how much is he paying you now, Billy?" "50 bucks." "And I thought Billy was supposed to be the comedian." "Elaine Hegan." "Um... this is my wife, Lynn." "This boy doesn't get out of bed for less than 250 and his own dressing room." "Hey, he had one lucky night." "Come on, we're leaving." "I think we should follow her." "Hey, sorry, mate, but I'm with the girls." "Okay!" "250 a night and his own dressing room." "So, tell me why you left the Volcanics." "Most musos would kill for a gig like that." "Oh, I just got bored with doing the same thing night after night." "And I've always wanted my own solo career." "Well, the crowd loved you." "What'd you think?" " You're good." " Good enough to get on TV?" "Give him an inch and he takes a bloody mile." "In the UK, Television's the only way to make it big." "Bugger all entertainers get on the box here, and let's not forget you're Maori." "Doesn't mean it can't happen." "I'd like to represent you, Billy." "I'm hands on." "I take 20% of your earnings, but I look after your tax, rent and everything else." "I give you a weekly wage and anything extra goes into an account for your future." "Work hard, do what I tell you and I'll make sure you get what you want." "Well?" "When's my first gig?" "Tomorrow night." "Wear this tux and don't turn up late or drunk." "Break it up!" "It's a rough night, eh?" "Wait till they get pissed." "All right?" "Yeah." "Who's that bloke?" "Tom Parkinson." "Head honcho from TV." "Oh, bloody hell." "I convinced him you were worth looking at." "Don't like your chances with this lot, though." "Kia ora, kia ora, kia ora." "I'm Billy T. James." "Kia ora, I'm Billy..." "Shut up!" "That's better." "Now you can all shut up while I tell you a little bit about myself." "See, I'm part Maori and I'm part Scottish, which means part of me likes to get pissed, but the other part doesn't like to pay for it, a little bit like you lot, eh?" "So, Rangi walks into a bar, right, and he's only wearing one jandal." "He gets himself a drink, and then a couple of minutes later, another guy walks into the bar... carrying a jandal." "He sees Rangi, and he goes up to him, and he says," "'Hey, mate, have you lost a jandal?" "'" "And Rangi says, 'Nah, I've found one'." "I meet a lotta kids, and have you ever noticed how different they are nowadays?" "Like a, um... a Caucasian kid will come up to me, and he'll say," "'Oh, hi, Billy." "Can I have an autograph, please?" "'" "So I'll give him an autograph." "I'll send him off on his way." "Whereas a Maori kid will come up and say," "'Billy!" "Give two bucks!" "' And he'll wait for it." "And then he'll say, 'Hey, can I have it in 20 cent pieces?" "'" "Just like the other day." "The other day I was in Glen Eden, right?" "And these, um... these Maori kids, they come up to me and they said..." "'Gidday, Billy." "Do you wanna buy a cheap car?" "'" "And I said, Okay, what's wrong with it?" "'" "They said, 'Oh, it's just got a bit of water in the carb'." "And I said, 'Oh, is that all?" "Where is it?" "' And they said, 'In the harbour'." "Bloody stupid, eh?" "Thank you." "Thanks very much." "A pleasure." "Great show, Billy." "Couldn't believe the way you won over that crowd." "Well, at the end of the day, everybody likes to laugh." "I just try to remember that when I'm up there." "I've never seen anything like it." "So, what's your schedule like?" "Can we get together?" "If it means you want to audition him for a TV show." "Hell, no." "I want him to star in a TV show." "England before the Second World War." "It's a radio variety show, but it's on TV." "I just don't see it." "Whole lot of different radio characters, songs, gags, backup singers." "You know." "And where do I fit in?" "The show's MC is a dapper, upper-class Englishman," "Dexter Fitzgibbons, played... by you." "Tom, in case you hadn't noticed, Billy's a bloody Maori." "Read." "Good evening, and welcome to Radio Times." "My name is Dexter Fitzgibbons." "Tonight, the case of the innocent milkmaid and the bubbling brook." "There." "There, you see?" "He's perfect." "He might sound like a pom, but he hardly looks like one." "Never underestimate what can be done with a bow tie and a bit of Brylcreem." "Good evening, listeners." "Snuggle back in your easy chair and join your host, Dexter Fitzgibbons, for another edition of Radio Times." "Good evening, listeners." "Welcome to Radio Times." "My name is Dexter Fitzgibbons." "Join me for an hour of lilting lyrics and gripping serials." "Tonight the tale of the mysterious punch up the conker." "HONK!" "HONK!" "One day a beautiful milkmaid was sitting by a bubbling brook." "# Leaf falls to kiss the image of a mountain." "# The early morning mist has ceased to play." "Morning, hon." "Hmm." "Have you read these?" "'I don't know whether Billy James'... 'comes from Willis street in Wellington or Waipukurau', 'but he should be kept chained to a microphone from now on'." "'He is the best in the light entertainment field'... 'since Howard Morrison decided to call it a day'." "That will really piss uncle Howie off, eh?" "And so it should." "Mmm-mm-mm." "Oh, oh." "I gotta go." "Gotta go." "# 'Damn the dam,' cried the fantail as he flew into..." "Hey!" " Oh." " Ahem." " Mmm." " Mm-mm." "Promise me you'll have a sleep before the show." "Yes, ma'am." "# All this beauty has to die. #" " Oah," " Hey, bro." "Hey, I'll take those for you." " Thank you." " Airport, eh?" " Yeah." " Oh, okay." "So, where you heading today, brother?" "Uh..." "Christchurch." "Christchurch." "Oh, are you?" "Well, what do you do for a Christ?" "I'm an actor." "Aren't we all, bro?" "Aren't we all?" "No, no, I really am an actor." "Yeah?" "You been on the TV?" "'Cos I watch a lotta TV." "Um..." "I'm on Radio Times." "Holy, that... that's my top show." "What part do you play?" "The MC, Dexter Fitzgibbons." "No, man, that's an English fella." "You, my brother, you're as Maori as me, bro." "But, uh..." "full marks for trying, okay?" " GIGGLES]" " Full marks." "Ooh." "Tena koutou." "The Kaikohe Police Station was burgled last night." "The burglars took their toilet... ew, yuk." "Today the cops said they've got nothing to go on." "Yeah, dumb, eh?" "Police are also on the lookout for a man... masquer... pretending to be a Maori language teacher." "Students got suspicious when he said the Maori word for fast food was takeaway and the Maori word for aerial was coat-hanger." "'And cut'." "Fantastic, Bill." "Uh, that's a buy, everyone." "Kia ora, Billy." "Joe from Te Taonga." "Ah, hi!" "Come." "Come on." "Billy, aren't you stereotyping Maori with some of your material?" "No way." "Look, that character with the yellow towel..." "I lived with a guy in a hostel who wore a towel like that." "There are people who speak just like that." "I'm not really stereotyping anyone." "I'm just portraying people that I know." "But you're the country's most popular entertainer." "A million New Zealanders watch you on TV." "As a Maori, don't you have a responsibility not to do racist humour?" "Who says that it's racist?" "People are laughing at me because I'm being the silly Maori character." "Then they all of a sudden, they realise they're laughing at me laughing at them." "That's not racist, that's people laughing." "And speaking of which, I've got a hall... full of Maoris waiting for me in the Waikato tonight." "Something that makes me laugh is the difference between Maoris and Pakehas." "For example, a Pakeha will walk into a post office, and he'll say," "'Ah, excuse me, but there..." "there seems to be a minor discrepancy... with my telephone account." "'Uh, I..." "I wonder if you wouldn't mind taking a look at it for me, please'?" "'Thank you'." "Whereas a... a Maori would handle the situation like this." "Uh, they'd go into the post office, and they'd say," "'Hey!" "I didn't make any bloody phone calls to Rotorua!" "'" "See this fella here." "This fella's laughing because he's done it before." "It's to Mary." "Here we go." "Thank you for coming." " Thank you, Billy." " Yeah, see you later." "Thanks for coming." "Kia ora." " Chur, oi." " Ike." "Stephen." "Pleased to meet you, bro." "Hi." "Awesome show, man." "I'm a big fan." "Oh, you don't feel degraded by my act, then, Ike?" "Oh, why would I?" "Some people feel I degrade Maoris." "Anyone here tonight look like they feel degraded?" "Hey, uh, you into a smoke, bro?" "Hell, yeah." "Some of that stuff you were doing tonight it could stand up anywhere in the world." "You reckon?" "Oh yeah, man, you gotta get yourself to Vegas." "Ah, I don't know, eh, my agent reckons I need to build a following here first." "Eh, you're the boss." "Don't let some agent tell you what you can do." "Nah, Elaine's cool." "You know, she... makes sure my bills are paid and makes sure I get a pretty good wage." "She pays you wages?" "That's fucked, man!" "You're the one earning the dough." "You should be paying her wages, eh?" "It's your career, though." "Surely you make the big decisions, write the cheques and stuff?" "Nah, she does all that stuff." "How much money do you reckon this gig would've pulled in tonight?" "This guy knows his shit." "Over five grand..." "How much of that do you end up getting?" "Oh, she's got you by the short and curlies, cuz." "Some good weed, man." "Yeah, it's a hybrid." "Here you go." "Whoa, whoa." "Maybe you'd better ring Elaine first... ask her if you're allowed to inhale." "Billy!" "Billy!" "Oh, that was a primo good show, cuz!" "Yeah." " Good on you, Billy." " Thanks, mate." " How you doing?" " You were great, Billy." " Good one, Billy." " Thanks, mate." "Take a photo." "It'll last longer." "I only take photos of good-looking people, not kids with bags stuck to their faces." "It's not stuck, all right?" "Got any money?" "Jesus, kid." "Why aren't you at home with your family?" "Why aren't you at home with your missus?" "Having an affair or something?" "Check it out." "How can you be a comedian when you're such a dry-balls?" "And what does the "T" stand for?" "What do you reckon?" "Tania." "That's a good one." "Well, you know my name." "What's yours?" "Kura Manutai." "Where all your mates, Kura?" "Where's all your mates, Billy?" "Thought so." "You buy yourself a feed, eh?" "No glue, right?" "Whatever." "# You've taken the sweet wine out of my life. #" "Sir Robert's shock announcement of a snap election... was made after a special caucus meeting when Parliament rose last night." "Sir Robert then paid a late-night visit to the Governor General, who agreed to call an early General Election for..." "Time to get up, hon." "It doesn't give him much time to run up to an election, Prime Minister." "Doesn't give my opponents much time to run up to an election, does it?" "Oh, hey, bub." "What you doing here?" "Auntie Lynn picked me up." "Okay, put those cats away and wash your hands." "There's Weet-Bix and toast on the bench." "What happened?" "The boyfriend is what happened." "Oh, I just wish my sister would kick him out for good." "Cherie might be with us for a while this time." "She's family." "You need to get her to school by 9, then you're meeting Elaine, and then you're dropping off those frozen dinners to your dad." "This is my one day off." "You need to put your foot down with Elaine." "We need you too." "I will." "Bye, sweetheart." "You crook?" "Yeah, sort of." "I feel crook too." "One of the cats spewed up." "Well, some days are just hard, eh, bub?" "Billy." "Billy!" "Wake up." "Oh." "I was meant to take Cherie to school." "Sorry, bub." "We only have athletics." "They make us run around the goalposts till our lungs collapse." "You also missed your meeting with me." "I'm exhausted, Elaine." "Well, that's the price you pay for success." "Oh, it's not just the work." "Oh Jesus, not marriage trouble?" "No." "I like to make people happy, but... it just doesn't stop." "I..." "I walk into a cafe, and everyone stares at me." "The staff wants... want autographs for their kids, of course, and then some guy will come up to me and start spouting off these stupid jokes." "Get harassed by Maoris for selling out and then..." "It's because you're famous." "I know you don't like all the attention, but it's because of those people you got this far, son." "You need to learn how to deal with it." "Yeah, by staying home and sleeping." "Oh, please." "Don't become an arsehole, Billy." "I understand." "You're burnt out." "I understand, love." "Thank you." "I'll make us some breakfast, and then we can talk about your next TV series." "We got the thumbs up." "That's bloody fantastic." "Elaine?" "If you've got something you need to tell me, Billy, then just do it." "I want my own chequebook." "Is that all?" "Of course you can have your own chequebook." "# Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh..." "You couldn't get up this morning, you were so tired... and you didn't manage to get Cherie to school." " What?" " That is not the face of a child... who's been at athletics all day." "You need to stand up to Elaine or she'll tour you to death." "Hey, sold-out shows." "Hey!" "You smoke too much and eat junk and work too hard." "I don't give a damn about sold-out shows." "Hey." "Hey, hey, hey." "I'll finish the tour, finish the TV show, then I'll tell Elaine I have to slow down, okay?" "# Beautiful children have come into my life." "# Beautiful people,..." "# Oh, oh, oh." "# Oh, young and bright." "# Beautiful children # longing for life." "Whose place is this?" "# Worldly people..." "# Oh, oh, oh." "# Take away the night." "You're kidding." "Oh, no, there is no way we can afford this house." "This is the result of me working so hard." "I like it." "I really like it." "Whoa..." "that's so cool!" "It's a place for children." "Hey, love." "We won't be having any, Billy." "# Maybe the world will turn around." "Well..." "we have each other." "And we have Cherie." "That's plenty, I reckon." "# Beautiful children have come into my life." "# Beautiful people." "# Oh, oh, oh." "# Oh. #" "Would you accept 26 muskets, six barrels of gun powder," "24 axes, some beads for your women, a quantity of tobacco for your men and some glue for your children?" "How say you, savage?" "Have you got any money?" "Cut." "Yeah, great stuff." "Let's set up for the next scene, everyone." "Hey." "That's a great sketch." "I don't know, mate." "Hey..." "Maoris trading land for glue for their children?" "There is a heap of Maori kids out there sniffing glue." "I see them every day." "And you wanna take the piss?" "There's a message in the laughter, mate." "Bill, you realise you're the one's gonna cop the flak, not me." "Bring it on." "Hey, who's that prick?" "That prick is my manager." "I thought Elaine was your manager." "Yeah, Ike's more like my..." "my personal manager." "He's got all the best..." "'contacts'." "Oh." "Why not?" "Where did I get my bag?" "Oh, I pinched it, eh." "A pen." "Come on, I need a pen." "Oh." "Oh, hi!" "What a surprise!" " You all right?" " Yeah." "Yeah, we're fine." "Uh, nice to see you, Lynn." "You guys hungry?" "Ah." "We have catering." "Come on." "This came today." "It's from the government." "I had to hold myself back from opening it." "Ooh." "Oh, here we go." " Hey, Rowley." " Yep?" "I'm not that stupid, mate." "Don't know what you're talking about." "This fake letter." "It's not funny telling somebody they've got an MBE." "I didn't send you a letter." "Oh shit!" "Billy's been offered an MBE." "Oh, whoo-ee, boy." "When did they start handing out gongs to entertainers?" "Oh, highest-rating TV series ever." "Entertainer of the decade, that's all." "You must be the first Maori to get a gong like that, eh?" "Howard Morrison got an OBE." "Yeah, but his OBE stands for 'Ordinary Brown Entertainer'." "Oh, I wish Mum was here." "I can just hear her right now, eh?" "'Billy, don't worry about that MBE thingy." "'If you'd done what I said and stayed a traffic cop, you'd have a blimmin' knighthood by now'." "Now it's middle-class Pakehas telling me I put down my own people." "Oh, the public love you." "That's all that matters." "The cats took off, Dad." "I can't find them anywhere." "Come on." "It's all right." "They'll be back for dinner." "Can you take those off inside, please?" "And I've told you before, don't bring home your mates' things." "They're mine." "Hey." "I thought we agreed, Cherie needs to earn her presents." "Yes, but as my mum used to say, you can never give a child too much love." "Love is one thing." "Spoiling is another, Bill." "Hey." "Hey." "How you doing?" "Oh my God." " What's that?" " It's a death threat." "Who would do this?" "Oh!" "Whoa!" " Cherie, get in the house now!" " Jesus!" " Ow!" " It's all right, sweetheart." "You okay, sweetheart?" "I'll call Elaine and cancel the gig." "It's probably some sort of prank." "And what if it's not, eh?" "We can't let threats like this control our lives." "Now off you go." "Please?" "Just go." "It's okay." "Go." "Go." "It's okay." "Make sure all the doors and the windows are locked, alright?" "Alright, the trouble is, Billy, this bloody Labour government's selling out to the Maoris." "I mean don't get me wrong, I love Maoris, but if a few more of them were like you..." "Thanks, Rick." "I'm really glad to meet you, mate." "I'm glad you enjoyed the show." "Thanks, you want a drink?" " Nice work." " Glad you liked the show." "I meant keeping that racist Pakeha happy." "He did pay money to see you, after all." "You spent two hours insulting Maori, portraying us as halfwits, and you don't have the courage to confront Pakeha when they're openly racist." "No wonder they love you." "What is it with Maoris, man?" "The bloody Jews went through a holocaust, but they can still laugh at themselves." "I'm just a comedian, okay?" "Nah, you're a potato." "Brown on the outside, white on the inside." "Okay." "I'll see you around, brother." "You're not my brother." "My brothers don't sell out." "Listen, mate." "Every morning I wake up and I look in the mirror... and I know what colour I am." "So don't tell me that I'm not a real may-or-ree, okay?" "Really?" "So if you're a real Maori... then you'll understand what I'm saying." "You don't even understand your own language." "It's just easier to sit on your arse and take the piss, eh, Billy?" "Your redneck mates are waiting for you." "Hey." "Who you calling rednecks, arsehole?" "Hey." "Hey, Rick, this is, uh..." "this is actually a family friend of mine." "He got hit on the head by a bus when he was 4 years old." "Although he was the only one of us that managed to get to university." "All right, fair enough." "Get that down you, Billy." "Thanks, mate." "Hey, those kids over there say they're related." "(CHUCKLES] Your birth whanau." "Oh, I've had enough, mate." "I just wanna go home." "That's Taupiri Mountain, where my mum's buried." "Just saying gidday." "Eh, kia ora, Mum!" "You going next to her one day, my man?" "Where you're buried depends on your standing in the tribe, so I won't even make it past the front gate." "The thing is..." "some Maori look at you... and they see your Pakeha agent and all those Pakeha running your TV shows." "It wouldn't happen if you ran things yourself." " Nah, it's not me, eh?" " It's not as hard as it sounds." "Start your own company to take care of the live gigs, TV." "And the big Hollywood movies." "Like a factory where you do whatever you want the way you want to." "A dream factory." "Oh, I love it, mate!" "The Dream Factory, whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" "Ah..." "Nah, I couldn't drop Elaine." "I reckon she's been ripping you off for years, man." "Easy." "Elaine's a good lady who's served him well." "But times have changed, and now he's looking to move on, that's all." "Oh, I don't know, mate." "Hire people to take care of the business, like you hire Ike, but you'd be in control." "And what do I say to Elaine?" "Write her a letter." "You don't even have to talk to her." "There's money to be made, Billy." "Look at the sharemarket, it's booming." "Ooh, I can see it now... the Dream Factory!" "Yeah!" "# I said Maori people gotta wake up, gotta think of the cause." "# Can you feel it coming?" "#" "The Tribunal wants Maori as an official language... in dealings with government departments... and local bodies, which would require bilingual qualifications..." "Get that." "If you want to, you can speak Maori in the courts or..." "Parliament or..." "wherever nowadays." "Back in my mum's day, kids used to get the strap for speaking Maori." "What's up?" "This boy at school told everyone that Billy T. James isn't my real dad." "What do you think about that?" "You're the one that's always here." "Well..." "that makes me pretty real, eh?" "Hey!" "Oi!" "Mate!" "Come in, come in." "Here." "I've got it right here." "Ladies." "Oh." "Whisky!" "Yeah, sure." "Lynn!" "Cherie!" "Get down!" "Oh." "Oh my God." " Come here!" "Come!" "Come here!" " Quick, Cherie!" "Quickly!" " Dad, I'm scared!" " Keep down." "Those bastards have cut the phone lines." "It's because you're dialling 9-9-9." "Billy, you're not in England!" "Hey, can't see anyone out there." "'The only way you're going to get an MBE, is dead in a box'." "Get Cherie outta here." " No, we're staying..." " Just do it, Lynn!" "Hey, nobody attacks my family and gets away with it." "The cops seem to think Ike could be involved somehow." "They said he associates with various unsavoury characters." "No, he's a good man." " Billy, he had a gun." " He was protecting my family." "They said if he owed money to any of his drug dealers," " they may take it out on you." " They're stories." "And the cats, Billy." "Both of them garrotted, why the hell didn't you tell me?" "This is my life too." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I..." "I didn't wanna upset you or Cherie." "If for some reason people wanna hurt you, then that scares me." "No one.." "is gonna get near us." "We'll move somewhere they can't find us, lots of security." "Which will cost lots of money." "Lynn, I made almost a million bucks last year." "We're moving." "The gag is I have the black pieces..." " Dad!" " but I'm white." " And you being..." " Dad." "Give us 20 bucks?" "You get your pocket money on Friday." "But Di's mum's taking us shopping... and then I'll just be standing there like a dork while they buy stuff." "Oh." "Oh, well now." "Oh." "Oh, sorry." "Can't be looking like a dork." "There you go." "Come here." "Love you lots." "What?" "You are a pushover." "She's my little girl." " Right, uh... back to work." "Uh... uh..." " Okay." " Marae Witness News." " What?" "Um..." "I..." "I was thinking, okay?" "Um... imagine a... marijuana bust, so there's this constant, like burning of dope..." " in the background..." " Oh, hey, mate, sorry," "I forgot, I invited the boys over for a company meeting." "But, uh..." "we... we're writing." "Uh... tomorrow." "Tomorrow, then." "Whoo!" "We've come to christen the new whare!" "And..." "I've put together the plans for the Dream Factory." "It covers everything you do now and everything that lies ahead." "Right, and Elaine?" "Taken care of." "A letter from you to her." "Just sign right there." "It's a bit on the nose, man." "Elaine's a professional." "She's used to this kinda thing." "Ka pai, e hoa." "Well, here we go." "To the Dream Factory." "The Dream Factory." "Chris." "Oh!" "Oh... my..." "God, I have been so... worried!" "Hell, you look terrible." "Oh!" "But, I have the magic cure." "That's left over from the last Christmas." "Never have anyone around these days, so it just sits there all alone and I sit here all alone." "None for me." "A teeny, tiny one." "Oh my..." "I saw what happened on the news." "Must've been bloody scary." "You just have no idea who's doing this or when it might happen again." "I've never seen Billy that angry." "And what about you?" " Me?" " How are you handling all of this?" "It's not just the threats." "Billy's got himself caught up with these... crooks." "Oh, love." "I don't wanna interfere." "I keep thinking Bill will sort it out for himself." "I just can't believe it's even happening." "Billy hangs off their every word, and I..." "I feel like I'm losing him." "You are Billy's world, but, you know what he's like." "He's... too bloody easy-going." "He needs to get real." "You gotta tell him, girl." "So, what're you doing today?" "The boys are coming over, we're doing some work on the Dream Factory." "The Dream Factory?" "Yeah." "Everything all under one roof, TV, commercials, live work." "Where does Elaine fit in?" "I've..." "I've written and told her I no longer require her services." "You wrote to her?" "Yeah, it's better to make a clean cut." "You should have spoken to her, Billy." "Well, Stephen reckons it's better this way." "After all she's done for you." "All of this..." "this is all thanks to Elaine." "Okay, I'll..." "I'll give her a call." "Why bother when you can speak to her face to face?" "I have to go." "Who are these people?" "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and I've not heard of one of them." "They're just after your money, Billy!" "Where's your loyalty?" "I just think that it's time to move on, expand." "Now I've built up your career." "You think you could've done it alone?" "No, and I'm grateful, Elaine." "Oh yeah, really bloody grateful!" "What the hell is this?" "I need to think about my future." "I thought I was already doing that, Billy." "What happened to the lovely young Maori boy who wanted to be an entertainer?" "It's not what I wanted to happen." "Elaine..." "I'm the boss..." "and I make the rules." "You're my agent." "I'll let the boys know where we stand." "Elaine's only taking care of my live gigs." "The Dream Factory will still control the rest." "Bro, it's the live gigs that make the most money." "That's all changing." "Film, TV, merchandising, that is where all the big money is, especially when we go international." "The sharemarket is hot, and there are a lotta big companies... begging me to do corporate stuff for them." "But your live gigs would've provided the cash to set up the Dream Factory." "And..." "And they still can." "Just tell me how much." "Well, maybe we can make a start, then." "In seconds, millions of dollars were wiped from the paper value of leading companies." "For many investors it was just 'sell me out at any price'." "# Round and around and around with its own sound." "# Round and around, I don't need to be there." "# Round and around and around with its own sound # cos something has to give. #" "Pete." "How's it going?" "At last we meet." "Flash joint you got here." "Can you get uncle Pete a cup of tea, please, love?" "Oh, tea?" "How positively smashing." "Hmm." "Come on." "Did you hear the good news about the TV show?" "Uh... what good news?" "Bigger budget, new director, new producer and, get this, we're even filming some of it in the States." "We're doing all right now, aren't we?" "Yeah." "What's with all the new party tricks?" "Is everything cool, man?" "Yeah." "Just sign here, Bill." "That oughta do it, right?" "Bill... you're not paying for all of this yourself?" "Thank you." "Uh, right." "Uh..." "let's just get started on the scripts, eh?" "Hey, Pete?" "What?" "We're... we're putting together a range of merchandising and... and action figures, so I don't have the time today." "Billy, we have got a TV show to write." "And I'm also running the company that's making that show." "It's..." "it's not all about you, mate." "Maybe, you wanna let me know when you do have some time." "The expensive costumes... great." "Now, guns." "Director, the tanks are great." "You know, and this is without a doubt the, uh, best catering I've ever had in my life." "There's just one problem." "And what's that, Pete?" "It's not fucking funny." "It makes me laugh." "Bullshit." "You hired a director who wouldn't know a joke, if it bit him in the arse." "And scripts, you're too busy making little action figures of yourself to finish them." "Hey, it'll be okay, mate." "Who?" "No, I'll be okay, because no one gives a shit about me." "Okay." "I'll..." "I'll have a word with the director over lunch." "Where you off to?" "Someone has to tell that prick he's useless." "Don't do that." "You gonna do it?" "No." "No, I didn't think so." "Oi, you." "Future profits, good management, dividends and bonus shares... none of those seem to matter." "For many investors it was just 'sell me out at any price'." "Hey." "You're just in time for lunch." "What's this?" "It's from the IRD." "No, this is a mistake." "I..." "I don't owe them 200 grand." "I've called." "There's no mistake." "Not much of a dream now, is it?" "I'll, um..." "I'll sit down with Stephen and Ike tonight... and we can go over all the accounts." "You've got a live gig tonight." "Today." "I'll do it today, then." "You're filming today." "You don't have time." "Oh, I can't believe you left those..." "those two in charge of everything." "Hey, hey." "Hey, hey, hey." "Hey, why don't you just leave this for now and come home?" "I just need to sort this out." "Listen to me." "All of this..." "money and fame, none of it matters." "I want my Billy back." "It's alright." "I'm gonna straighten this all out, love." "There'll be some big changes." "Now go on." "Go home." "Don't worry about me." " Yeah, but..." " Please?" " See you at home." " Yeah." "I've just been fired." "Producer said it's the Dream Factory's show, not mine." "No." "No, mate, this is my show, and I can't do it without you." "I..." "I'll have a word." "Will you?" "Will you really?" "It's always the same, Billy." "When... when it comes to the crunch, you're a spineless, bloody goff." " Pete." " Make your own fucking show!" "No, don't go, mate." "Then get that producer in here right now and demand he reinstates me!" "You don't even have the balls to stick up for your best mate." "Hey, we can sort it out, mate!" "Oh shit." "I'm afraid the bypass ended up putting more strain on your heart, Billy." "A transplant is the only option left." "How long will we have to wait?" "Well, we need to find a suitable donor." "Doc." "Just make sure you don't get a Maori donor." "Why's that?" "'Cos if you get a Maori heart, in 140 years he'll just want the bugger back." "Well, I'll bear that in mind." "Well, you get some rest now." "Hey." "Hey, love." "I'll be back on the road and pay the tax in no time." "Don't even think about it." "They're off our backs for the time being." "There's someone here who wants to see you." "Morning, Mr. Black." "You'd think the hospital could've come up with a more original name." "Yeah, I wanted..." "I wanted to be Mr White, but... the doc reckons no one'd believe me." "I stuffed up." "Yes, you did." "I wasn't seeing what I had in front of me." "I was..." "looking everywhere else." "I don't know why I did it." "I..." "I just wanted people to think the most of me, you know, like me." "Billy, love, the ones that count already do." "Hey, hey." "I'm sorry." "It's not over, Billy." "You're gonna get a good, strong heart, then Lynn's gonna take you home, and I promise you, pretty soon you'll be back on stage, doing what you love." "It's gonna be all right, Billy." "You can wait here with us." "Elaine's with him." "Hey." "Poor old Billy, eh?" "I feel terrible." "IRD still after him?" "Yeah." "Don't you dare tell Billy that." "Anyone from the Dream Factory been to visit?" "They took off." "Disappeared off the face of the earth." "Lynn." "I'm sorry." "For what?" "I was an arsehole." "Well, if Billy listened to a few more arseholes like you, he'd be better off than he is now." "You okay?" "Never better." "Let me at 'em." " Good luck, Dad." " Thanks, love." "Every person here has paid for his or her own ticket." "It's for a very good cause, indeed." "We're all here for the same reason, and that's to see the man I'm proud to say is one of the nicest guys in the biz." "Here to entertain you tonight, Mr. Billy T. James." "Shut up." "Shut up." "Wow." "With all the things going on in the world, whoever thought, say... 20 years ago, whoever thought that they'd never get to the year 1990." "Put up your hands if you thought you'd never get to see the year 1990." "What?" "Just me?" "Is that it?" "Yeah, in spite everything that's happened to me in the past 10 years," "I've gotta say I've had a real shit of a decade." "No, no." "No, I'm sorry," "I'm sorry, but it's the only way to describe... what's happened to me in the past 10 years." "You see, in the past 10 years..." "I have been spat at, shot at, hassled, abused, threatened, throttled, I've been cut open, sewn up, cut open again, had something pulled out, something put back in, sewn up again." "I've been chased by the Inland Revenue Department." "Caught by the Inland Revenue Department." "Bloody government revoked my fish quota licence." "Yes!" "My lawyer's living in Honolulu." "My accountant's been put away for misappropriation." "Bloody kids are sniffing aviation fuel." "Missus has taken off with an Asian smack dealer." "I've got a Roller with a slashed soft top, a Merc with a cracked head, bloody swimming pool overflowed and flooded the tennis court." "Oh, I tell you what, it's bloody hard being a Maori today, eh?"