"I'm so glad we're alone." "I want to talk to you about Debra's birthday." "Oh God!" "Is it today?" "!" "No." "It's a week from Saturday." "Oh... okay." "Don't do that." "See, I was thinking you and I could plan a surprise party for her." " A surprise party?" " What do you think?" "Nyah..." "I don't know." "I mean..." "I don't think Debra would want us to go to all that trouble, you know?" "I was just planning something a little more low-key, you know, like-like dinner with my family." "Yeah." "I think dinner with your family, uh, has been done." "I was thinking of something else" "like a real English tea party." "Ha ha!" "Oh." "Oh, for real." "Uh..." "You know, when Debra was single, we would meet in the city and have tea at The Rosemont." "Oh, she loved that." "You know what?" "Maybe you two should go do that, right?" "Tea for two." "No, Raymond, no." "Listen, don't worry." "You won't have to do a thing." "No, hey, I'm all into helping." "It's just right now, it's-it's really a bad time... with the world and everything." "Raymond, I promise I will handle it." "See, we'll get Amy to take her out while I set up everything here." "Hmm?" "Yeah." "Ooh!" "It's such fun conspiring with you." "We're like two secret agents." "Hmm, yeah..." "Yeah." "Yeah, it's fun." "It's fun." "You're gonna do all the work, though, right?" "Hey, listen, Ray, for my birthday," "I was thinking we could go out to Montauk, have brunch, and then ride bikes out to this old lighthouse." "On your birthday?" "Yeah." "Look how great this is." "Yeah..." "I don't know." "I don't know, I was planning on-- on doing something a little more... something else." "Come on." "This would be great." "It'd be great to ride bikes and see a lighthouse." "Debra, honestly, it's too dangerous." "What, you're gonna have a big meal and then-- and then ride a bike?" "That's, uh, that's a little dicey, you know?" "You're gonna swerve, and the food in your stomach is gonna start sloshing from side to side, and then down you go." "I don't want you getting hurt, okay?" "So that's it." "It's settled." "Something's going on." "Are you planning something for my birthday?" "No!" "What?" "Absolutely not, okay?" "And I resent this whole line of questioning." "You are planning something!" "Oh, Ray!" "Oh!" "You are so cute!" "You wanted to surprise me." "No!" "Are you throwing me a surprise party?" "No!" "I'm-- no, what are you" " I just" "I don't want your stomach sloshing from side to side." "All right, I won't ask another question." "I don't wanna know anything about it." "There's nothing to know." "Oh..." "What was that?" "I love surprises." " Yeah?" " Mm-hmm." "Well, go upstairs." "I'll surprise the hell outta you." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "You know, I have always wanted a surprise party." "But once I married you," "I figured it was never gonna happen, that you weren't romantic enough." "I was wrong." "I didn't shower today, but I'm okay." "I'm not that bad." "Listen, Ray..." "I don't wanna ruin it, but how are you gonna do it?" "Tenderly, and then maybe not quite as tenderly, but still good." "No, the party." "Oh, well..." "I don't think I should give anything more away." "Kind of kill the whole surprise." "Yeah, I know, but I already got surprised, so can't you tell me one part of it?" "No." "It's supposed to be a surprise." "I mean, I want it to be a surprise." "Can't you just tell me a little part?" "All right." "There's gonna be catering." " Ooh, catering?" " Yeah." "That's great." "Yeah." "What kind of catering?" "I don't know yet, but it's gonna be super-great catering." "Let's get going." "You know what would be really great, what I would really love?" "A Chinese banquet." "What?" "Yeah." "You remember that book "The Joy Luck Club?" "There was this book, "The Joy Luck Club"" "and in it, they had these fantastic celebrations in these lavish banquet halls with these amazing meals." "No no!" "But-- no no." "Hey." "How about this, okay?" "I'm thinking, how about... an English tea party?" "What?" "English tea party." "It's-- it's classy." "You thought of an English tea party?" "Yes." "You like it." "It's great." "We'll have English... muffins, we'll-we'll play The Beatles, we'll speak English." "'Ello, spot of tea, Mum?" "A spot of tea?" "And-- and you really don't like the Chinese banquet?" "No... no, I do." "I don't think" "You will love it!" "We'll have Chinese lanterns and paper dragons-- you know what?" "I think Wo-Hop caters." "I'm gonna get the menu." "My mom is gonna love this." "Did you invite my mother?" "Don't forget my mother." "Great." "Now she's too happy to have sex." "I'm so glad you wanted to meet." "This gives me the perfect opportunity to show you the exact kind of thing we're doing for the party." " lsn't this wonderful?" " Hmm, sure." "Nice to see you again, ma'am." "Oh, hello, Mark." "We'll have tea and scones and cucumber and watercress sandwiches." "Sound good?" "All my favorites." "Tea, ma'am?" "Oh, thank you." "Tea?" "Mm..." "I'm looking for something in a Lipton." "Uh..." "I'm sorry, sir." "Uh... all right, I'll try the "shamomiley."" "Watercress sandwich?" "They're yummy." "Mmm." "Yes... yummy." "You can really taste the water." "I am doing these exact sandwiches for the party and the same tea service." "Ooh, Debra's going to be thrilled." "Yes, it's nice, but you know," "I'm thinking you might wanna-- might wanna change things up a tiny bit." "Change what?" "Well, nothing." "Nothing." "But I'm thinking you probably could take the party in a little different direction." "I don't understand." "You know, just... tweak it a little, you know?" "Like..." "Iike-- okay, instead of an English tea party, you do... a Chinesish tea party." "But... we decided on an English tea party." "I know." "I know you did." "But think how awesome Chinese could be, huh?" "For Debra, it would-- like, uh..." "Amy brings Debra into the house, right?" "And we're all there, and-and-and there's- there's-there's" "I'm just spitballing' here-- there's, uh, Chinese lanterns and-and paper dragons." "And I hear Wo-Hop caters." "Huh?" "But why do we have to change it?" "I... because I..." "I think I know Debra very well." "Well, of course you do, but I do too." "Yes, I understand you have a connection to her, but... but... you knew the girl." "I know the lady." "And I think the lady would prefer Chinese." "Why don't you like me, Raymond?" "What?" "What are you talking about?" "I like you." "Let's be honest." "You are so uncomfortable around me." "You never say more than two words." "And it seems whenever we are together, you'll do just about anything to get away from me." "I mean... what am I supposed to think?" "You-you don't like me, you don't like my ideas." "I just... wish it were different between us." "You know, I can't believe that you're saying this, because I was" "I was just thinking to myself... why don't you like me?" "What?" "Yeah." "I mean, uh... you know, you see how much thought I put into this Chinese idea, and you don't want anything to do with it." "You just dismiss it out of hand." "How do you think it makes me feel?" "You just rush in, and you wanna plan everything, and you won't even let me have any say in my own wife's special day." "Raymond, I..." "You know, I've lost my appetite." "I don't know what to say." "I didn't know this meant that much to you." "Oh, I'm sorry, Raymond." "I think you're a wonderful son-in-law." "I mean, I couldn't have found a better person who would care so much for my daughter." "Thank you." "And, just so you know," "I like you." "I'm so glad we talked." "Me too." "So you'll change it all to Chinese, right?" "Oh, there you are, Ray." "I made a mai tai for you." "Oh, thank you." "Hey, the place looks great." "You really knocked yourself out." "It'll be worth it when I see Debra's face." "Is someone looking out for Amy and Debra?" "Sure." "Yeah." "Robert, look out for Amy and Debra, all right?" "Why do I have to be the lookout?" "Because anybody else would have to climb a tree." "I can't believe you're having a Chinese party after what those people did to me in Korea." "I think everybody's over that, Dad." "Not me." "I spent a week in a foxhole in the pouring rain." "All right, Dad." "I still have toenail fungus." "Frank, that's not party talk." "Though I have to say, Raymond, this theme is so unusual." "I hope people could still eat with all these dragons around." "I do it every day." "Oh, good!" "Frank, Robert," "I thought it would be great fun if you two would be my dancing dragon." "Put this on... and see... and when Debra comes in, you can dip and sway around the room in her honor." "That lady is a fruit bat." "Come on, just do this." "You can be the head and, Robert, you be the tail." "Oh, I'm sorry, Raymond." "I'm the lookout." "You'll have to find someone else to be your dragon's ass." "Just do this, all right?" "It'll mean a lot to Debra." "No, it won't." "And what are you doing with this whole Chinese thing, anyway?" "Yeah, this is bull." "I want a fork." "Yeah, I've got to tell you, I know Debra pretty well." "I don't think she's gonna go for your whole lame theme." "You don't know what you're talking about." "Oh yeah, I do." "Confucius say," ""Woman with stupid husband gets stupid party."" "Ha ha." "'Cause you're stupid!" ""He who marry Raymond need look elsewhere for good time."" "Ha ha." "'Cause you're stupid!" "Yeah, I'm stupid." "For your information, this theme was Debra's idea, all right?" "What?" "What do you mean, it was Debra's idea?" "Debra told you to throw her a surprise party?" "No no no no no." "Oh my." "I must say, Debra is unbelievable." "Come on, spill it, or I'll stick a toe in your cake." "All right, listen." "She knows about it, but it wasn't her idea." "The Chinese thing was." "She loves Chinese." "Debra knows about the surprise, everybody!" "Shush!" "Shush!" "Her mother's in the other room." "Good." "I don't have to yell "surprise" like an idiot." " Yes, you do." " Why?" "You made everyone come a half-hour early and park two blocks away?" "Yeah, what the hell?" "You live across the street." "Well, I'm not yelling surprise." "You're yelling surprise, fungus foot!" "They're just pulling in the driveway." "They're here!" "Everybody down!" "We have to squat now?" "Yeah... get down and get ready to yell "surprise," everybody." "Surprise!" "Surprise..." "Surprise!" "Oh my God." "What is all of this?" "Happy birthday, Debra!" "Oh... my God." "What did you do?" "Is this like a surprise party?" "Happy birthday!" "Look at this place!" "It's like a-- a Chinese banquet or something!" "Oh my God!" "This is so amazing!" "Oh, thank you!" "Thank you so much!" "I can't believe you did this!" "And Amy!" "I should have known when you invited me to a museum on my birthday!" "That's why you didn't want to go out to eat after!" "I didn't really have a stomachache!" "Well-well, hi, guys!" "Oh, this is so incredible!" "You guys are too much!" "And oh, and my mom is here!" "Hi, Mom!" "You all got me!" "You got me good!" "And who thought..." "of Chinese?" "Do you know that I love Chinese?" "You do?" "!" "I really do!" "Oh, Ray!" "How did you know?" "Yeah, I don't know." "No, really, how did you know that I love Chinese?" "All right, take it easy." "Really, how did you know that I love Chi" "Happy birthday, Debra." "You told them that I knew?" "Well, Robert wouldn't be the dragon!" "Why didn't you stop me?" "'Cause you were very good." "I felt that the last part was a little forced." "So everybody knows that I knew about the party?" "You knew about the party?" "Now everybody knows." "You knew?" "Yes!" "Everybody knows that she knew, and now she knows that you all know." "Thanks for everything." "How did you find out?" "I know!" "Listen, everybody, uh, this is my fault." "I'm sorry." "I'm a little embarrassed." "When I got it out of Raymond that he was planning a surprise party," "I kind of pushed the Chinese idea because..." "I like Chinese." "So I'm-I'm sorry that I wasn't really surprised, but I'm still very grateful that you all came, and I'm especially grateful to Ray 'cause of all the work he did." "I feel very lucky because I have a husband who would do this all for me." "Debra..." "I have to tell you something:" "Your mother has never liked me." "So you liked the bike ride?" "Yeah." "It was great." "I think you completely made up for yesterday." "I'm glad." "I've got to tell you, I had a good time too." "I liked the brunch, I liked the lighthouse," "I even liked the little old man that charged us $20 to climb 100 stairs." "Now, that's a good birthday present." "Yup, and it's not over yet." "The icing on the cake is, right now," " you get a back rub..." " Ray..." "With absolutely no expectations from me." "Really?" "The surprises never end!" "You have never been able to get through a back rub without expecting something in return." "Well, is it your birthday or not?" "All right." "Let's go." "All right." "Mm-hmm." "Mm-hmm..." "You're not gonna make it, are you?" " No." " Surprise."