"Dear brethren: soon will be the day on which our beloved Chief Brother, ... the founder of our sect, the great Warren Sánchez,  will be here with us, as soon as he concludes some matters  that keep him in Miami." "And once again Warren Sánchez  will bring us the light, the truth, the solution to all problems." "Get ready, brother, soon Warren will come  and with him will return  hope will return." "With him will return, Hope will return." "Will return." "Dear brethren:" "Today we shall start our gathering with a verse  from the book, "Warren Has All the Answers," which you can purchase ... at the stand set up in the lobby of the theater, and which sayeth thus:" "Verse "lix"..." ""Lix"..." "Its in Roman numerals." "It sayeth thus:" "And it came to pass that Warren, while walking with one of his followers,  found a young man who had decided to kill himself... lying on the railroad tracks." "And Warren having inquired of him:" ""Unfortunate creature, what art thou doing here?", the youth answered him, weeping:..." ""My girlfriend hath left me." And Warren sayeth unto him: ..." ""ln truth she could have left you somewhere else."" "Then up he picketh him, adviseth him, consoleth him and stimulateth him:..." ""Attaboy, Thim!"" "But brothers, we shall see this much more clearly yet  through the following testimony:... I was a wretch." "I was embittered, I lived in suffering." "I didnt last in any job." "I had dandruff." "My poor wife was always complaining." "My children demanded more attention from me." "Until one day a friend lent me Warren Sánchez record..." ""Seeking the Path"..." "Which you can buy at the stand set up" "... in the lobby of the theater." "And since that day my life changed." "I gave up suffering, I gave up bitterness, I gave up my job." "I gave up my wife, gave up my children..." "Okay, okay, thats fine, brother..." "Thank you very much for your brave testimony." "Brethren, what we have just heard, is not only truthful, ... but actually happened." "Because, let us not deceive ourselves, brothers, its very easy to do wrong  and then repent." "What is difficult is to repent first and then do wrong." "Many brethren come to me and say, "Brother, I try to repent, ... but hard as I try, I cannot manage to repent."" "Then I say to them: "Join Warren and sooner or later you shall repent."" "Brethren, we must start a new life." "And if you want to achieve a deeper peace, come to Warren,  and you will achieve a humility that will fill you with pride and haughtiness." "Youll get to be such a believer youll never believe it." "Save yourself better with Warren, salvation guaranteed." "If you die and are not saved, well give you a full refund." "Join us, with Warren." "There is a Warren center near your home." "The problem, brethren, it that we live with too many worries,  we are "ocsessed" with material things,... and we forget the most important thing, we forget the soul, the spirit." "Yes, brethren, for example, we must turn more often to prayer." "Many brethren come up and ask me, "But, brother, what is prayer?"" "What is prayer?" "Therefore, I shall answer, brothers, prayer basically involves ... request and invocation, but prayer involves supplication and fervor,  but prayer involves..." "er... a subject and a predicate." "Why do I say this?" "Because I, for example, never have felt myself  a better subject than when I have predicated." "But neither must we forget contemplation." "We must get used to contemplating, to "ocserving"  every one of the thousand small daily miracles that surround us." "For example, let us take the case of  tiny ants." "Yes the hard-working little ants while tirelessly transporting ... little leaves, stems, seeds, perhaps the petal of a flower  from your own garden." "Tell me the truth, brother." "Have you ever stopped to think  that this little ant is a living being,  an irrational but living being, brother?" "That little ant is alive!" "We gotta kill it!" "But there is no doubt, brother, the most important virtue of the spirit  is love for ones fellow beings." "Tell us your desires  and all of us together  we shall help you." "I want peace!" "If you join us we shall make peace, all of us together." "I want goodness!" "If you join us we shall make goodness, all of us together." "I want love!" "If you join us we shall make love, all of us together." "But that is this, brethren?" "This is scandalous!" "Why didnt you invite others?" "Er..." "No, no, I mean, why didnt you invite others to reject these errors?" "The problem, brothers, is that we live "acsurdly",  "ocsessed", "acjectly",  "decpressed"." "But luckily we have the book "Warren Has All the Answers", which you can purchase at the stand set up in the lobby of the theater,  another of whose verses reads,.." "Verse..." ""x", "x", "v"." "It reads:" "A man filled with confusion having come up to him,... and having asked Warren:" ""Brother, what is the true meaning ... of life"?" "Warren answered unto him:" ""The meaning of life?"" "I shall answer you in four words:" ""How should I know?"" "What did Warren wish to tell us with this?" "When he is asked the meaning of life Warren answers "How should I know?"" "Let us analyze the phrase." "The word "l," ego,  would appear to indicate egotism, worship of the self, haughtiness." "The thing is... that here, Warren uses it though opposition, to tell us precisely the opposite,... in other words, humility." "So that it is quite clear here, when Warren says "l,"" "... he is saying "humility"." "But Warren says something further." "Warren says "How should I know?" in other words, "l, who should know."" "In sum, brethren, Warren knows the meaning of life,  but humility keeps him from saying it." "And all this, brethren, what use is this?" "The use of this is to defend ourselves  from the lurking devil." "Yes, brethren, let us speak, for example, of gambling  one of the favorite snares set by the Evil One for our perdition." "But brethren, we know already that neither roulette, nor dice, nor horse races, ... nor bingo, nor any of that is going to save us." "So I tell you enough of that, brethren, enough of throwing away  money, enough of betting on false hopes." "With that money go to the stand set up in the lobby of the theater  and buy a ticket for Warrens Weekly Lottery." "Economize, save." "With Warrens lottery." "Thus I tell you, especially those who dont..." "Sánchez!" "." "Especially those who dont believe in possession by the devil, I tell you:" "Listen to this and you shall be convinced." "I was a wretch!" "No, no." "The other one." "I was another wretch!" "One morning I awoke in anguish feeling terribly oppressed,  as if something alien churned within my body..." "... and burned my inside." "You were possessed!" "No, no, no, what happened was I had eaten too much." "No, brother, thats fine." "lm just saying: you had surrendered  vilely to greed." "And I had also eaten too much." "The thing was that at that time I only though about eating,  eating, eating." "The only thing that for a moment allowed me to stop  thinking about eating, was to eat." "It go so, I weighed 3,500 pounds." "Until one day, a friend lent me the book  by Warren, "The 100 Mystical Thinning Recipes."" "Which you can purchase at the stand set up in the lobby of the theater." "Brother, tell everybody how you fared with the book." "I ate it." "Well, no, no, no." "The thing is that greed  isnt the only snare set by the devil." "For example..." "For example, sex." "What can you tell me about sex?" "Yeah!" "There are many who think they are very smart..." "Because they go from love affair to love affair,  fornicating without rhyme or reason,..." "..." "left and right." "Leftists are the easiest!" "No, no." "No." "Lust, concupiscence..." "With whom?" "Lubricity." "Oh. I dont know Lou Brisity." "Beware, brethren, because a sexy and voluptuous woman who incites us  to sin, is none other than Mephistopheles in disguise." "Hes wearing drag." "But brethren, for a moment lets forget sex." "No, no, no." "And continuing with..." "He said "For a moment," afterwards hell continue." "And continuing with the snares set by the devil, we cannot avoid mentioning..." "Very nice that little devil, brother, but thats fine already." "Thank you very much." "I was saying, continuing with the snares set  by Beelzebub..." "By whom?" "Beelzebub." "Beelzebub, Lucifer, Belial, Mephistopheles, Satan..." "McGuire is benched?" "We cannot but mention, I was saying, in conclusion,  the scourge of drugs." "I ask... I ask and I want somebody to give me an answer!" "I was a wretch!" "No!" "And I want somebody to give me an answer." "Who is the scum who is capable  of selling drugs to the young?" "And where does he sell them?" "At the stand set up in the lobby of the theater." "Of course, there are always the weak;" ""No, I only want to try it."" "And they try this, try that, try some other stuff." "Learn from Warren, who has so often been on trial." "But now, rejoice, brethren, because Warren Sánchez will soon be here." "Get ready, brother,  soon Warren will arrive." "And if he hasnt arrived yet its because theres something keeping him in Miami." "And that something is the fbi." "Soon Warren will arrive  And with him will arrive, will arrive hope  hope." "His message is one of peace,  of faith and freedom, of faith and freedom..." "Freedom  on bail." "The renowned composer Johann Sebastian Mastropiero,  searching for inspiration, traveled to the Middle East,  to the hot regions of Watta Sweat." "There, a malady of the sheiks caused Mastropiero to be received by Abdul, the ancient mufti working at the main mosque." "The mufti Abdul came before Mastropiero and said: "Maestro, today I shall be your host because my shield, the sheik, suffering from shingles is shattered, not chic."" "The mufti Abdul was wearing civvies like all muftis." "As he explained to Mastropiero, for the more fanatical" "Muslim the chance of failure is slim;" "on the other hand, he who only partly obeys the precepts of the Prophet will get little profit." "He also told him that the Bedouin came, in some cases, from certain populated oases, and in others from certain deserted deserts." "Mastropiero said farewell to Abdul and went to meet a tribe of Bedouin, with whom he lived several weeks." "The members of the tribe were nomads on two accounts." "They were nomads because they wandered without a fixed residence," "And because there were no mad people among the fifty, sixty Bedouin." "In that tribe  fifty-three,fifty-four." "No, well, I mean  to give an approximate idea, the exact figure isnt needed." "lah, no, because!" "Its a, shall we say, descriptive text, it isnt a statistical thing." "Its okay, its logical;" "I mean, if one dies, another is born, they never know the exact number, they wont go around saying something that isnt..." "Fifty-five..." "Command of that tribe was disputed by two sibling sheiks:" "Mohammed, the Great, and Mo Ham-Hate, the Kid." "Sheik Mo Ham-Hate was about to get married, and gave Mastropiero a commission for the work we shall now hear." "The "Serenade Sung by the Bridegroom the Day Before the Wedding."" "Tomorrow at last we shall be wed" "Our life will be a bed of roses because Allah protects those who love," "and I do love you, my twenty future wives." "I love you, I love you," "women of my harem:" "Zoraide, Scheherazade, Zobeida, Farah, Zimrut," "Rose, Zulma, Delilah, Zaida, Jasmine, Fatima," "Mora, Farisad, Marien, Amina, Zuleica," "Axa, Dunia, Zoe and María Angélica!" "We shall live passionately, our life shall be an Eden," "iii be eternally faithful, lll never cheat on you, with another harem." "And now, I must leave you; tomorrow shall be our wedding night, and I must get ready." "When tomorrow the night greets us our bed shall know no sorrow or fatigue;" "when my body with yours is entwined we shall be blissful, may Allah bless you." "And may Allah assist me!" "Thats good..." "One moment..." "Mastropiero, living in Paris, had worked as a piano accompanist for silent movies, at the celebrated "Vieux Royal,"" "where he usually met the intellectual avant-garde." "Yeah, heh, heh." "Ava Gardner, what a dame!" "Its in French." "Lavant-garde." "Lava in the garden?" "Anything!" "Why not, "varnish the bucket"?" "Avant-garde." "Varnish the bucket, varnish the bucket." "Varnish the bucket." "Varnish the bucket." "Avant-garde." "Varnish, varnish the bucket." "He asked me to varnish the bucket." "Yes, no, he asked me to varnish the bucket:" ""Come here";" "I says to him:" ""Whaddaya want?" "Go and varnish that bucket."" "I asked him, even, I asked him, "What bucket?" "The blue bucket," he says." ""Okay, bud." "Where is it?" "Just tell me."" ""Varnish it, varnish the bucket."" ""Varnish." "Varnish the bucket." "Varnish it."" "Var varn varn varni varnvarvarvararar varish, varish the bucket, varn varn" " "Av," "Av," like "avenue." Varnish the avenue, varnish the avenue." "One bucket of varnish isnt enough for an avenue!" "You need two or three buckets to varnish an avenue." "Varnish..." "At the end of the avenue is a bucket, varnish the bucket, when you varnish the bucket on the avenue the avenue varnishes itself, it auto..." "Varnish the av..." "Varn..." "Dont touch me!" "Varnish, var..." "Av!" "Av." "Av." "An!" "An." "Av, an." "Av, an." "Avant." "Avant." "Avant. I speak French already!" "Avant!" "lve learned it!" "Avant!" "Avant-garde." "Av, avant what?" "Avant what?" "Garde." "Ga gaga avant ga ga ga ga" "Avant ga ga ga ga." "its easy." "Avant. I learned that one already." "Garde." "Garde." "Grrrr" "Grrr" "Ggg" "Gggg" "Gg." "Gggg" "Av-ant ga-rrr-de." "Av-ant ga-rrr-de." "Av-ant ga-rrr-de." "Av-ant ga-rrr-de!" "... ... What a dame!" "Most outstanding at this stage of Mastropieros career was the music he composed to accompany a classic of the silent screen:" ""Kathy, Queen of the Saloon."" "Casey, the queen?" "Casey almost made it as the queen." "No, Kathy.." "Ka-thy." ""Th-th-th-th"." "Case..." "No, Kathy." ""Th-th-th-th."" ""Cathe"" "Cathe in point, for thome screeningth at movie houtheth, this film tells a typical story of the" "Far West, in which a heroic cowboy" "saves the beautiful star from the clutches of a deformed villain." "Yeah." "Some movie!" "What?" "Youve seen it?" "l saw it twice." "The second time I didnt understand it." "We shall now hear, by Johann Sebastian Mastropiero, the music, precisely, to accompany the silent movie" ""Kathy, Queen of the Saloon" in its original version for solo piano." "Watch it!" "Ratatatatatatat!" "Biff!" "Ugh!" "Argh!" "Pow!" "Ugh!" "Argh!" "iPss!" "iPss!" "iPss!" "Bang bang bang, bang, argh!" "Bang!" "Argh, argh, argh!" "Argh, argh, argh, argh!" "Therefore," "the Hungarian composer Lajos Himrenhazy composed the music for the "Scene of the Meeting at the Restaurant," from the stage play "Felisa and Abelard."" "Er... a friend... the audience." "The page!" "Oh, square, yes!" "García Bros. Supermarket." "Rice, 3.50." "No, no, no!" "Its terribly expensive!" "Er, well, yes." "What can we add about the famous, the celebrated composer Lajos" "Er" "Lajos Himrenhazy that hasnt been said yet?" "Well, he, er...." "This is a composer, er a composer, er" "We could define him as not so much in the" "We was born" "He was born" "No, the family he was born into was very the family" "He came from the er" "He was the youngest." "When he was born he was the youngest." "No, and he continued to be the youngest for a while to be precise, until the birth of the brother." "Well, actually, the subject of the brother would deserve to be developed in a more... I must say, it is not known, for example, for a fact, er if he had brothers." "I mean, maybe it is known;" "I at this moment unfortunately am not am not in..." "Well, and as in every biography of a great composer, well, as is known, the usual, right?" "Typical, a family of musicians who from infancy on already guide him, they gradually teach him, he already has everything like" "Or also, typical, a family that is totally opposed, right?" "Naturally, and precisely the case of of one of these two cases." "More than that, I would say its an intermediate case, its an intermediate case, because its not as if he were told: "Look, the future, your career."" "Nor was he told, "No, dont go."" "It was a kind of, "lf you want to."" "And we can see he wanted to." "Naturally, because very soon he began to take his first  to take his first... with that little old man, what was his name?" "The..." "They all went there, the" "Well, that was where but that was also where he met, shall we say, he established a relationship, they arrived at what later would be er" "But it would seem that this girl at the same time with another of those who also went there to the..." "... and with one of the teachers" "They said and with the janitor" "Yes, shall we say that this girl had already established a certain reputation" "Yes, that people came from other towns." "Of course, they would come and the first thing that "Hey, do you know...?" "Ooooh!"" "I dont recall if it was before or after" "No, it was after, what I cant recall is after what." "Well, and of course, what follows no longer, well, it no longer merits" "Anybody can already, well, its a... nor would I want to go on and on piling on details" "so I would say we should already turn to witnessing" ""Scene of the Meeting at the Restaurant" with music composed by Lajos" "Music!" "No, no, music which ln sum, without further ado, since, as they say, "Time is money."" ""Theres many a time."" "Felisa, how wonderful to have this meeting at this intimate and discreet place, so we can have a drink together." "I have been wanting to speak with you for a long time." "Felisa, I want to insist on our relationship." "No, dont go!" "Felisa, dont go, please!" "Please, stay." "Sit down." "Felisa, I beg of you, you must forgive me." "I beg you, Felisa, I beg you." "Forgive me. I beg you." "I beg you too." "Forgive me, Felisa, I beseech you." "You dont know how much I need a glance from you." "Help me, cause that instrument to produce the most moving sounds." "Moving sounds, for table 2!" "Felisa, you inspire me the purest sentiments." "Pure sentiments." "Make those sentiments pure!" "And at the same time a heartrending passion." "Heartrending!" "Heartrending?" "Yes!" "Its like the chirping of the little birds after the storm." "The chirping of the little birds." "Chirp, chirp!" "No, no, no; after the storm." "Glub, glub!" "Felisa, what I want to tell you is that I have such high hopes for this meeting that" "l think that..." "Hey!" "Fine, fine." "He says fine." "What I want to tell you is that I have such high hopes for this meeting that I think that we could..." "Hey!" "Fine, fine." "He says were doing fine." "Felisa, what I wanted to say to you is that..." "Hey!" "Stop that music!" "He says he wants the other music." "Felisa" "Stop it, stop it;" "I cant stand it any more." "I cant stand it any more, this love thats killing me," "I cant stand it any more." "Stop it!" "..." "Watch out!" "Felisa, since you stopped speaking to me I yearn for the rhythm of your speech I miss that melody" "Here it is!" "You again?" "Get out of here!" "No, not you, please, stay." "l thought so!" "Tell me the truth." "Get out of here!" "You stay, stay." "Get out once and for all!" "Stay!" "Stay!" "Get out!" "You stay right there!" "Go away!" "Stay!" "Dont play any more!" "Dont play any more!" "Dont play any more, if you do what I ask you, lll pay you." "No, I didnt mean you, I was talking to him!" "How could I think of paying you!" "Its been a misunderstanding, Felisa." "Let us start all over again." "Sure!" "From the top!" "Okay, fine, do it." "No, its him lm telling to do it." "Felisa, you must forgive me for what happened the other day at the beach." "I admit I was very impulsive, but why did you escape like that, in full view of everyone?" "Yes, its true I was running behind you, and howling, but I was running to undo my fault, Felisa." "I only wanted to return your swimsuit." "I understand your being offended with me, your demanding satisfaction;" "I can give you lots of satisfaction, Felisa." "Look, I know a beautiful place, surrounded by pine trees, with a lake, mountains." "It doesnt look like a motel." "Felisa, give me one more chance." "I think about you all day long." "With every passing day I think about you more." "I think about the moment in which you will finally say yes to my entreaties, and I ask myself, at that sublime instant, what will happen to me?" "Felisa, give me another chance, I beseech you, my love." "Really, Felisa?" "Then, you forgive me?" "You too love me?" "I am the happiest man in the world!" "Very good, thank you very much, congratulations!" "Thanks, very good." "The same to you." "Very good. lm very pleased." "I didnt have many..." "There comes Felisa!" "This time shes coming for real!" "Play, play!" "Good afternoon, mothers." "I am Dr. Herbert Tchwok, and so begins our program:" ""Advice for Parents"." "Many motherses" "You can say it both ways:" "Motherses or momses." "Both forms are accepted, as with "to suckle or breast-feed," like the verbs:" ""l suckle or breast-feed, you suckle or breast-feed," we would all feed." "Many motherses see me, worried about infant diarrhea." "Dont worry, lady; its true one must be careful, one must take certain precautions, because it leaves a stain." "But all depends on the speed with which you baby digests or digestses." "It could be that your baby, perfectly healthy, dirties the diapers with a certain frequency, shall we say every two, every three... er, minutes." "In that case, lady, keep your calm, change your baby for another." "Now I shall give you some advice which I have already given you before, but which always bears saying again, always bears saying again, and its the following: children must have a space; a spot where they know" "they can play, run, jump, shout, break things, make a mess" "Naturally, lady, its convenient, whenever possible, for that spot not to be too far outside town." "Now we shall teach you a song for you to sing it to your children;" "its called "Song for Moving,"" "to stimulate them to be agile, happy, healthy, er, and agile." "Its a very easy song." "It can be sung by anyone or anyones." "I therefore leave you in the company of the musical group "The Little Mushrooms."" "The game is about to begin, and it isnt hard." "These ten little fingers are already ready." "The right hand, and the other one too go forward along with one foot." "The foot remaining goes back while the head" "turns and turns." "While one hand says hello with the beat, the left heel hits us from behind." "If the right elbow comes up to the temple, the left ear youll scratch with ease." "Scratch your little ear and now, hit your little behind." "between the two legs an arch will be seen," ".. through it, the left hand will now pass." "After these turns, when you get to this point, the hands will gladly shake like this." "With this little song we shall finally be as agile and loose-limbed as a dancer." "Good afternoon, dear TV audience." "Here begins another segment of "Family Funscience."" "How are you doing, Grandpa?" "Hows things, Auntie?" "How are you, kids?" "Hah, hah, hah." "This moment marks the end of the timetable only allowing programs that protect... their sensibilities. its your exclusive responsibility if you allow continued TV viewing by human beings." "And here, at Family Funscience, we are ready to enjoy all the joy, the colorfulness and the tropical vigor of the quartet..." ""The Brilliants"!" "Here lm being told that unfortunately the members of the" ""The Brilliants" quartet havent been able to come because they have had..." "Oh, because they have had too many." "In any case, we now get ready to enjoy all the joy, the colorfulness and the tropical vigor of these charming kids." "No, what we do, actually, is chamber music." "What do you mean, chamber music?" "Chamber music, naturally." "Well, I know, of course." "Chamber music is chamber music, I know that already." "But I mean, which is it?" "Chamber of commerce, cold chamber, death chamber?" "Its classical music." "Ugh." "Our channel, always attuned to cultural manifestations has the immense pleasure to present the members of this famed, prestigious and celebrated group, whom we immediately ask:" "what is the name of the combo?" "Collegium Armonicum." "Wow!" "Oh, is it the last name of one of you?" "its nobodys last name, its a name like any other:" "Collegium Armonicum." "Oh, you called yourself like that because hee, hee" "Collegium Armonicum." "And why in German?" "No, no, no. lt isnt German, its Latin." "Its amazing how Latin and German resemble each other." "Now, please, if youll be so kind, write down on this paper the title of the tune you will play." "The viewers who call in and get the name of the tune right will get juicy prizes:" "two pounds of oranges, a dozen lemons." "Did you get it?" "The orange, you squeeze it, juice comes out." "The lemon also produces juice." "What did I say? "Juicy prizes"." "Hah, hah, hah. I got it now." "And what is this?" "Its the title of the work." "The title. I know its the title." "I mean what type, musical type, maestro." "You dont know what musical type is?" "lm surprised." "Conga, merengue, cha cha, mambo, rumba..." "No, no, its a baroque sonata da camera composed toward the end of the xvii century, beginnings of the..." "We hope its a light and fun piece, dear viewers, because this is "Family Funscience", and so we are now ready to enjoy all the joy, the colorfulness and the tropical vigor..." "No." "All the joy, the colorfulness and the classical rhythm of, er, "Curriculum" What was it?" "its Collegium Armonicum!" "Curriculum Collegium!" "Lets hear that clapping!" "Some music, eh!" "This is what is called "chamber music"" "... torture chamber." "Family Funscience?" "Yes, maam, the name of the tune." "Very good." "What is your name, please?" "Mariana." "Howre ya doin, Mariana, ol girl?" "Hah, hah, hah." "Ravels Bolero?" "No, unfortunat..." "No, no, for sure." "This cant be a bolero." "Because there are no rattles." "Okay, were very sorry, some other time, Mariana." "Hah, hah, hah." "Some other time ..." "mariana, mariana." "Hah, hah, hah." "And were thankful to the charming kids of "Curriculum, er" "Plus Ultra," for their participation in our program" "Theres more?" "Hah, hah, hah." "You thought it was over?" "No, no, theres more, theres more." "Family Funscience?" "Yes, maam, the name of the tune." "Clair de Lune?" "No, unfortunat..." "Oh!" "Your name is Claire Dellune?" "Sorry, Claire, ol girl!" "Whats that?" "Carmen Buybizeh?" "Well, whats it gonna be?" "Havent you just said your name is Claire Dellune?" "Oh, theres some music thats called Carmen Buybizeh?" "is it a new release?" "No, but unfortunately you didnt guess right." "Some other time, Carmen, ol girl." "And now, finally, we thank the charming kids of..." ""Aquarium Mare Nostrum" for taking part in our program" "And theres more more!" "Family Funscience?" "Yes, maam, the name of the tune." "Very good." "What is your name, please?" "María Ada?" "María Ada is "married a day"." "Hah, hah, hah!" "Hows that?" "Okay, dont get angry." "Vivaldi?" "Do I know Vivaldi?" "But of course, lady." "Vivaldi!" "Serves the best food!" "Oh, a musician who is also called that." "No, unfortunately you guessed wrong." "María Ada is "merry but we had er."" "Hah, hah, hah." "Hows that?" "lgnorant ass?" "No, thats not the title of the tune." "Breaks our heart." "Some other time, eh, dearie?" "Hah, hah, hah." "And the truth is, wed stay all afternoon, all our lives listening to the charming kids of er" ""lnterruptus Contra Natura,"" "but unfortunately the moment has come to thank them for taking part in our program and wish them good luck." "We are perfectly sure these charming kids will be a sensation during Carnival." "Hah, hah, hah." "Fantasticum!" "Hah, hah, hah." "Unfortunately no viewer got it right so I will proceed to read the title of the tune they have played." "This is usually done by our programs notary public, but today that wont be possible because hes still under arrest." "The title is..." "Here it comes!" "So-na-ta op-so." ""Sonata OPSO"." "Well, here lm being corrected with the electronic pointer." "No, no, its all right, its like I was telling you, its "Sonata OPSO", but "OPSO" is OP-SO, and "OP" comes from "opus"." ""OPUS SO", in other words, "Opus S-O, as in so-so"." ""Sonata Opus So"." "Okay." "Opus fifty, okay." "No, when I saw it, I said:" ""ls this SO or 50?"" "Theres nothing doing." "When the little roof is flat, its a 5." "Opus 50." "Of course, it couldnt be "S-O."" "Because thats with a zee." ""Sonata Opus 50"" "by Ferdinand" "Oh, oh, oh." "KRlLJS" "JSL OHU JSSS" "RTRJ GG OOUH" "TTT JJJ PTPT UJ" "The famous "Sonata Opus 50" which you will have so often danced with your husband when you were young, maam." "Hah, hah, hah." "The following work in this concert  illustrates a little-known period in the youth  of Johann Sebastian Mastropiero." "It all began when a well-known critic raffled  referred to,  referred to Mastropiero, in these termites  in these terms  in these terms..." "Of course, it doesnt have the..." "Terms..." "They didnt put the... on top of the "t",  it doesnt have the... the umlaut, they didnt give it an umlaut." "Its a Taipei error." "Mastropiero has acquired fame as a spiritual artist, but withmeth   but withmeth... but withmeth  with methods that are not quite..." "Clear... clear..." "With methods that are not quite clear" "We could begin to admire him if, and when?" "... if and when we take into account his ten  his tenacious ambition." "Theyre two words: "ten"/"aciousambition"... ln the most "prestrigrious" interna..." "... in the most prestigrious fo ...prestigrious inter fo... in the prestri... in the most prestrigri,  prestigri, prestrigri  in the most famous international forums  in which I have been lve excited  in which I have been lve cited, many times, hey?" "... many times I have cited the failure of his operation  the failure of his opera "Zion and the Wonder, a Jew"  "Zion and the Wandering Jew", which was based on the old, "He Brew a Legend,"" "... on the old Hebrew legend..." "I realized right away." "It couldnt be." "lve always said, thats that!" "... that that opera doesnt adequately describe this sex, does  this exodus..." "this exodus of the Jewish people,  and therefore Mastropiero faced a new fee as  faced a new fiasco." "In those days Mastropiero underwent major problems,  suffered the most adverbs..." "the most adverse circumstances,..." "Which, where?" "Inn?" "Store?" "... which were in store for him." "He was in bed in his skin..." "He was imbedded in a skein of debt." "Around that time he met the counts of Freistadt,  and when he could take it no longer, he turned into the countess  he turned to the countess, who was the person..." "Need it?" "... who was the person needed." "The countess took pity on him and paid for a voyeur  paid for a voyage to New York." "There Mastropiero composed the piece we shall hear next:" "His celebrated "Lazy Daisy"." "Here ends the story,  but the top ichas..." "morass pects  merit ingloo king  but the topic has more aspects meriting looking into." "This is, all?" "All?" "This is: all, all this." "This is, all is, all this, this all this, what is this?" "This is this, this sit his, tis, this hit is this  this tis this, tis thee, hit, tis, this tit his  sis, sail, thus, is..." "Oh!" "This is all!" "Mais tonnerre de Dieu, cela suffit, Daniel!" "Q'est-ce qu'il passe?" "Est-ce que vous pouvez emmerder votre texte?" "Avan-ga-rrr-de!" "There's a boy who fell in love one day..." "Uaa-uaa-uaa ... and his music used to sound this way:" "Uaa-uaa-uaa" "Doo-doo-doo-doo" "Pa-pa-para-pa" "Pa-ra-ba-ba-ba" "But the lady was a lazy thing Oh yes!" "didn't care a dime about the ring." "Oh no!" "She only wants to linger she never moves a finger so this is what he used to sing:" "Oh yes!" "Be my Lazy Daisy, you're my perfect set." "Be my Lazy Daisy, be my pet." "Don't be mean, cause you're my queen, come on, shake yourself!" "Leave your blues, what's the use of being on the shelf?" "Be my Lazy Daisy, doing what you do." "I'm completely crazy, just for you but don't forget we have to..." "Pa-pabap-pa-parababap-bap" "Keep your style, you're just fine, Lazy Daisy of mine." "Pa-pa-bap-pa-parababap-bap" "Pa-pa-bap-pa-paraba-bap" "Don't be mean, cause you're my queen, come on, shake yourself!" "Leave your blues, what's the use of being on the shelf?" "Pa-pa-bap-pa-parababap-bap" "Pa-pa-bap-pa-paraba-bap" "But don't forget we have to..." "Pa-pa-bap-pa-parababap-bap" "Keep your style, you're just fine." "Be my Lazy Daisy..." "Chee-key-ree-roo-key-chee-key-ree-roo- cha!" "Keep your style, you're just fine, Lazy Daisy of mine." "Tad-li-ta-ta, tad-li-ta-ta" "Ba-ba-ba-ri-bap" "Ba-ba-ba-ri-bap" "Chaa-la-la-la-la-ra-ra-la-la" "Lazy Daisy..." "Da-bi-di-pi-di-bi Do-bo-do-bo-do-bap" "Lazy Daisy" "Da-ba-da-bap Da-di-bi-di-bi-bap-bap" "Za-ba-da-ba-da-ba" "Pap-pa-ra-pa-da-ba-da-ba" "Za-ba-da-ba-ba, bap-bap-da" "Bap-bip-ba-ba-ri-bap" "But don't forget we have to..." "Pa-pa-bap-pa-parababap-bap" "Keep your style, you're just fine, Lazy Daisy of mine." "Pa-pa-bap-pa-parababap-bap" "Lazy Daisy," "Lazy, Lazy Daisy of mine" "That's all!" "The zarzuela "The Señoritas on the Brig"" "tells the story of the sailors on a vessel of the Spanish crown transporting a group of female prisoners to be judged in Cadiz." "It describes the relationship of the sailors with the female outlaws while the brig is attacked by ship of Raúl the Pirate, whose gang the female prisoners form part of." "This zarzuela is based on the novel "Far Away"" "by Jorge Esteban Pérez Ríos, and the adaptation wasnt easy, since the original novel deals with a woodcutter" "... who lived with his parrot in the forests of Bulgaria." "It wasnt easy." "The only character that has remained is the parrot." "The authors of "The Señoritas on the Brig,"" "Rafael Gómez y Sampayo and Ataúlfo Vega y Favret, responsible, in cooperation, for diverse very successful zarzuelas, after reaching agreement on the general outline to be followed both by the music and the lyrics, worked very hard for three months." "When again they met, they found to their considerable annoyance that both had written the lyrics." "That was when they decided to bring a musician into the team." "They turned to the composer and famed guitar player Ramón Véliz García y Casal, who was called the "Cervantes of the guitar,"" "because he had only one arm." "We shall now hear, precisely, and concluding the present concert, the second act of "The Señoritas on the Brig", zarzuela by Pérez Ríos, Gómez y Sampayo, Vega y Favret and Véliz García y Casal." "The sailors sing, proud of their vessel, which gallantly defies the fury of the wind." "The wind blows, the wind blows, as it never blew before, and our brig proudly sails, and fleetly" "fleetly and cleaving the water, defying the wind it sails," "resisting so gallantly, so gallantly, stubborn and tenacious and tenacious... and tenacious." "That is the gospel truth, truth, the truth, truth, the truth." "Alongside the wind, alongside the wind, our voice already rises which valiantly proclaims:" "Boy am I seasick!" "Am I seasick!" "Boy am I seasick!" "How terribly sick." "Olé!" "..." "Zzzz!" "Gadzooks!" "This cockleshell truly shakes!" "I shall have the sails struck." "Boatswain!" "Aye, aye!" "Aaaahhh!" "Aaaahhh!" "Aaaahhh!" "Jibs rolled, rigging in coils and cables à la horn." "Hey!" "And for dessert?" "In any case, a magnificent crew." "Much obliged, much obliged." "And a beautiful brig." "Much obliged, much..." "And speaking of brig." "Have you noticed how many names of vessels begin with a "b"?" "Boat." "Bark." "Brig." "Brigantine." "Barkantine." "Battleship." ""Bessel."" "Frigate." "Frigate is with an "f."" "But the frigate I mean is called "Bilbao."" "Captain, wed like to submit a petition." "A petition?" "Well, no, "une petite"-tion." "You see, sir, regarding the female prisoners we carry in the hold," "and taking into account that for two months weve been at sea and havent been on shore..." "or on anything!" "... wed like to ask that you allow them to come on deck." "Allow the prisoners up on deck?" "Certainly not, those women are common criminals." "Well, we dont expect them to be special." "I mean they are outlaws." "They belong to the gang of Raúl the Pirate and as soon as we reach Cadiz I must deliver them for judgement." "Whats more I must deliver them intact." "Captain, whos going to be checking" "the degree of "intactitude"?" ""lntactness."" "Even less." "Sirrah, how shameful!" "Look, think of Spains past." "If those women came on deck they would loosen the crews morals." "Man... that would really be fine by us!" "lve said no!" "No and no!" "Those women would come on deck and it would be the beginning of the glances, of the tittering, of the revelry, of the sprees, and there would begin the drunkenness, the touching..." "Bring them up!" "Here come the prisoners." "Oh!" "Are they hairy!" "Do they have lovely hair!" "Let us hear what they say." "Theyre already beginning to sing." "Hello, sailors, tell us what you do for whom you fight and to whom you are a pledgee." "We all serve our king and the flag of our countree." "You are so courteous and you are so gallant that wed already be thrilled to have you love us." "Much obliged, but previously it would be very useful to introduce ourselves." "This is Francisco, the Engraved One." "How marvelous his tattooed body anchors, sirens, seagulls, eels!" "He has tattoos everywhere, he has tattoos even in his armpits." "See, tattooed on my belly the European continent and I wont show you Italy" "because ltd look bad." "This is Aníbal, the dissatisfied." "In his eyes is rancor and spite, fear is caused by such a tough figure." "A man, no doubt, with hair on his chest, what one would call a hairy beast." "My fury has a reason I cannot stand the sea any longer." "Oh!" "Because ld rather be a dancer or a couturier." "And these are the Reynoso twins:" "Jules... and Augusts." "How can it be that being twins their faces, their appearances differ?" "I am thin." "I am plump." "Were twins with different mothers." "Come with us, twins." "With great pleasure, ladies." "And what about the rest of us?" "You too." "Its a pleasure." "Yours to command." "Dishes!" "Cuties!" "Hunks!" "Captain!" "Whats the matter?" "l see a pirate ship to the right." "The word is "starboard"." "l see a starboard to the right." "Captain, and I also see many pirates." "Theres one of them whos very stout, who seems to be the leader, he has a peg leg and has a parrot on his shoulder." "A pirate ship..." "And how big is it?" "On the smallish side, its like a tiny parakeet." "No, I mean what is the size of the ship." "Oh, the size of the ship." "I thought you referred to the size of the psittacus." "About 60 yards long, captain." "Not "long"... "in length."" "Well, sir, it still seems a very in-length ship to me." "Take a look, see if he has any booty." "Yes, hes wearing one on the leg that isnt wooden." "Captain, you wont believe this... a penguin!" "But beautiful." "Shiver my timbers!" "Whats the matter?" "No, no, I made a mistake, in the water, rays and crabs" "and snakes" "And there could also be sea-snakes." "No, no, snakes is correct, I got the tone wrong." "Snakes alive!" "A bottle is floating towards the brig." "A bottle, a bottle." "A floating bottle." "A bottle, a bottle." "Its floating this way." "They must have dunked it to chill it." "A bottle, a bottle." "Its floating this way." "It must be a message from the pirates." "A bottle, a bottle." "Its floating this way." "It bears a skull and, of the humerus, a crossed pair." "Humorous?" "That settles it, pirates are a jolly lot." "Zounds!" "Its from Raúl the Pirate!" "Whats it say?" "Well, it says if we dont turn the female prisoners over to him," "Theyll sink us." "Oh, captain." "lm really scared, captain." "lm afraid." "A bit of dignity." "lm terrified." "Look, think of Spains past." "But all of Europe is trembling on me, from Norway to Italy." "I have an idea, captain." "What if we dress up and pretend to be female prisoners and once on board, zap!" "we attack them?" "No, imagine what theyd do to us if they realized were not women." "What theyd do to us if they didnt realize, would be worse." "I know, captain!" "Hah, hah!" "In that case, lets pretend were men." "Well no, theres nothing to be done." "What do you mean, nothing to be done?" "Well have to deliver the prisoners." "No, no, anything but that." "Let us resist." "I said no!" "I wouldnt know how to offer resistance." "Therefore we must deliver them." "Quite useless." "Yes, but hes the captain." "You there, leave." "Take the skiff, go with Raúl the Pirate." "More." "Boatswain, we weigh anchor." "Spread the main-sheet." "I dont advise it, sir, theres a wind." "Precisely, so spread the main-sheet." "Oh!" "Spread the main-sheet. I had understood spread the bedsheets." "Oh!" ".." "...the señoritas have left us, and with them our love," "well always have forgetting, drowning their memory in liquor." "Since the señoritas have left us, and with them our love, all we can do is forget them, all we can do is forget them, all we can do..." "Booh, hoo, hoo!" "its all right, dont cry any more!" "Look, think of the Spains past." "lm not crying over Spains past, lm crying over the future of Italy!" "... is drown their memory in liquor." "Mesdames et messieurs Signore, signori" "Ositoko, ositaka!" "Here we begin, and as an encore, a new broadcast of "Nostalgia" "Hour." An hour for nostalgics." ""L'heure de la nostalgie", "L'ora della nostalgia"" "Ositoko, ositaka!" "Many are the stars who have already been on the "Nostalgy Hour,"" "but we have received innumerable requests from our audience, requesting the presence on our show of one great artist, even if its only one;" "and today weve at last been able to comply." "We have tonight, a visit that fills us with emotion and with memories." "He is a dear performer, respected by all of you, a famous author and singer of celebrated tunes of the nineteen-twenties, such as "Iron my Spats,"" ""lm coming Back to You Because I Found Nothing Better,"" "the song he dedicated to the beautiful actress Deborah Duncan, entitled" ""Deborah, Passion Devours Me"" "and so many songs that have delighted several generations." "I know you all know about whom lm speaking. I have the immense satisfaction to introduce to you, with his elegance, his songs, his passion and his memories," "the great José Duval!" "Mister Duval, what a great joy to have you with us tonight in" ""Nostalgia Hour." Many thanks indeed for having come." "What a special feeling for those of us who have seen you so often in the movies." "How many memories!" "Tell us, sir." "Tell us, Mr. Duval, arent you affected from time to time by melancholy, by the memory of things gone by?" "The thing is that precisely what ive lost is my memory." "Do you think your art has evolved over so many years?" "Yes, wow, it sure did evoooooh..." "Allow me." "Boy, it sure did evolve." "When I started out I was what is known as a typical artist of the mmmm an artist of the mmmm" "an artist of the mmmm" "Mmm..." "Music hall." "Music hall." "Yes, the thing is that sometimes" "But later, with passing years, my style became mmmm my style became mmmm" "Music hall." "No, it was enriched." "And let me tell you, the secret of a career so lngl... of a career so lgl..." "lgl..., lgl... in a career so long-lasting." "Thank you." "the secret is always to have maintained a balance." "Once you maintain a balance" "Great!" "What will they think of next." "Hee, hee!" "And how come youre still on stage?" "Thats what I ask myself." "What is the secret?" "Oh, the secret, yes, yes, listen:" "No, dont worry, no, it isnt that the hand trembles, the thing is that the rest doesnt move." "Listen: "One is always young... er..." "Zzz" "Good morning." "Mr. Duval, listening to your voice, our memory unavoidably brings up one of your innumerable hits, such as, for example, "Jeanette."" "Ah yes, "Jeanette," "Jeanette"... well, "Jeanette" was was all the rage, because its a song that had..." "Which?" ""Jeanette." Why dont you sing us some bars of "Jeanette"?" "Ah, bars, yes." "Mr." "José Duval in "Jeanette."" "Jeanette, Jeanette, Jeanette, when I think of you lm filled with emotion." "Jeanette, Jeanette, Jeanette, when I think of you I lose my mind." "Jeanette, Jeanette, Jeanette, when I think of you my heart aches." "Thats why I never think of you." "Let us speak a little about your youth, back around 12, twelfth... the twelfth century... around 1912, about your first love affairs about your relationship with the dancer Brigitte Coco." "Oh, hah, hah." "Well, you see, Brigitte was much younger than I." "Everybody is much younger than I." "And lll never forget the day she said to me, "José"... because she always called me José." "Why?" "Because my name is José." "Whats wrong with you, young man?" "No..." "She said to me: "José, soon therell be three of us"." "She was going to have a baby?" "No, she was going to take a lover." "By that time our son was already four years old and was mmmm and was mmmm" "Music hall." "How can a tot be in music hall?" "Listen, you really worry me, young man." "Wouldnt you like me to give you the address of my pediatrician?" "No, our son was mmmmmost full of trouble." "And like every child of performers, he hated to go to sleep early, so then I sang to him for him to fall asleep." ""Aaaah," ld sing to him, "aaaah" ld sing." "Until one day he told me he would rather I spanked him." "We all remember that beautiful song you composed especially for her, titled "Alone, Brigitte and I." Wed love to recall it." "Yes, yes, so would I." "Mr. José Duval." "Mister José Duval." "Time passes and as it passes..." "But you dont prompt me properly, man!" "Time passes and as it passes" "it erases the before and the after." "But I shall never forget what happened that time." "Er... what happened?" "Among roses and gladioli" "Among roses and gladioli, when the sun was in the sky, at last we were alone," "alone, Brigitte and..." "And I." "Alone, Brigitte and you." "No, no!" "I, you." "Oh, of course." "Alone, Brigitte and I and you." "No, Mr. Duval, you were alone." "Clearly, Brigitte hadnt turned up." "And there I was alone.." "with the sky as my witness, I collected my courage and exclaimed:" ""l want to marry myself."" "Many thanks, Mr. Duval." "Well, to wrap us this tortu... this interview, we know youre writing a book." "Ah, yes, theyve already told you about the book." "Yes, well, its a book which shall we say" "This morning, to be precise, I was at the publishers about the" "You noticed how it has rained but its still hot?" "Thats bad." "Let us say its good for the I have to wrap myself up well, I recommend it to you too because a certain age arrives when one has to look after oneself. I always wear my coat, my scarf, my hat..." "the problem is in summer." "The doctor told me that more or less, since I drink, no alcohol, thats the main thing" "Only on the cuts, when I ran into a friend whom I hadnt seen for a long time." "I hadnt seen him for a long time." "Well, he hadnt seen me either, which actually compensates, in some ww.. way, and so we had a drink there on Theodore Roosevelt Avenue, at one time, with Theodore Roosevelt." "And then, poor guy, worried because... a sister of his who, so he says, right?" "lsnt doing so well. I thought, how bad can it be?" "She never did it very well." "You know my friends sister?" "Then why are you telling me all this?" "Look, lm going to get you out of this uncomfortable situation youve got yourself into." "I have a scoop for you:" "lm writing a book." "Whats it called?" "What?" "The book." "What book?" "We know youre writing a book." "Oh, yes, yes." "Forgive me." "Now I know what youre talking about." "Since I have several books written Yes, yes. I buy them already written." "Yes, you see, to my mind a book if it isnt written its as if something were missing." "We know you are writing a book." "Here you go again with the book!" "Look, lets change the subject." "You know something?" "lm writing a book." "What is the name?" "José Duval, delighted to meet you." "How do you call the book?" "Well, theyll say, "Book!"" "No, whats the title?" "Oh, the title! "Recollections."" "And you must have written a number of things about the beautiful Deborah Duncan." "Ah, hah, hah, hah, hah." "Are you laughing or weeping?" "lm coughing." "Deborah Duncan, what a beautiful woman." "And she still is." "I recently read in the paper that, even at her age, she was chosen Miss Anniversary." "No, what you read was "Mass on her anniversary."" "Deborah Duncan Look, ive just remembered, just like that," "I met Deborah at the beginning of my career." "I met her in the mmm...mmm..." "ln the 1920s, 1930s." "No, in the music hall." "We all recall that beautiful rumba that you composed especially for" "Deborah Duncan that guaracha." "No, no watch your language, young man, okay?" "That rumba titled "Shake lt, Girl."" "So we conclude with "Shake lt, Girl."" "Shake it, girl, shake it, my love." "Lets dance without pause, lets dance without pause, this exhausting step."