"(SINGING) The bluebird tunes up his magic flute" "He's as sharp as a blade" "Warbling as he goes the sunbeam serenade" "The baker man goes a root-toot-toot" "He's improving his trade" "Only because he knows the sunbeam serenade" "Fold up your umbrella" "Easy does it, Joe" "Be a regular fella" "Vocalize do-re-mi-fa-sol" "Pin a smile on your old lapel" "Wrap your dreams in brocade" "Put on your Sunday clothes" "And join the joy parade" "Open up your heart and sing the sunbeam serenade" "Light a panatela" "Blow a dream my way" "Take it easy, fella" "Vocalize... (NEIGHS)" "Hey, Princess, you got a good horse for the day?" "I'll say I have." "(SINGING) Bet your money on that sunny" "Sunbeam serenade" "REILLY:" "Just a minute, young lady!" "You've got no business operating a hack at your age." "Let me see your driver's license." "KITTY:" "She's 12 years old." "Her old man's laid up with arthritis." "That's no excuse for breaking the law." "I've got a good mind to lock you up." "Oh, have a heart, Reilly." "Oh, it's a heart you want, is it?" "Oh, well, that's a different story!" "Hello, Princess." "How's me little girl?" "Gee, Mr. Reilly." "For a minute there, you had me worried!" "(LAUGHING) Me too!" "Oh, brother, am I late for work!" "See you at lunch." "(HORN HONKING) Oh, boy!" "(HORN HONKING)" "What are you doing?" "What's wrong with you?" "You know you were driving over 35 miles an hour?" "A minute." "35 miles an hour." "A minute." "This car won't go an hour." "Oh, you." "Hello, boys." "How are you?" "Glad to see you." "Hello, Joe." "What are you doing around here?" "What's wrong, Joe?" "Didn't they want a band leader up at Camp Saratoga?" "Oh, me and my big mouth are in trouble again." "Why don't you see your dentist?" "Quiet." "What's wrong?" "I had to go around camp bragging how I know every big star on Broadway and could round them up for the big camp show." "So what happened?" "So the Captain gives me four days' leave to bring a show up to camp, and so far I got nobody but the Princess to sing." "Not even a slug to make a phone call." "Joe, you're welcome to my last quarter." "Here you are, Joe." "You owe me a quarter." "Thanks." "That's a life saver." "What's the idea?" "What do you mean, he owes you a quarter?" "Did you give him the quarter?" "No." "Then he owes it to me." "But you took it from me." "But he's got it now." "I will break even, won't I?" "I hope." "I hope." "I mean, I..." "Oh, Princess." "Wilbur." "Oh, I never can fool you." "Hello, Princess." "How's my best girlfriend?" "Fine." "Thank you, Wilbur." "How's my best boyfriend Finnegan?" "He's hungry." "(CLICKS TONGUE)" "Hello, Finnegan." "I love this horse." "Finnegan, I got something for you." "You must know I love you if I want to share my candy with you." "Ain't it cute?" "Go ahead, take that." "You're gonna hurt your teeth if you crunch it like that." "Wilbur, you shouldn't give him peppermint candy to eat." "It's bad for his teeth." "He likes peppermint candy." "Now, she's right." "You'll spoil the horse's appetite." "Now he won't eat his fodder." "Eat his father?" "Mmm-hmm." "What do you think?" "Finnegan is a cannibal?" "No, she's going to hang his fodder on his nose." "Ain't he going to look funny with his father on his nose?" "He eats his fodder every day." "Finnegan eats his father every day?" "Well, sure." "And what does his father eat?" "He eats his fodder." "And what's his mother eat?" "Well, she eats her fodder." "(MOANS)" "It's getting worse all the time." "What's the use of talking to you?" "It must be Father's Day." "Any luck, Joe?" "Not a bit." "Well, keep on trying, you'll get there." "Anything I can do to help you, Princess?" "No, thank you, Wilbur." "I'll shine your glass." "Will you excuse me while I have my lunch?" "Finnegan hates to eat alone." "Have a sandwich, Uncle Wilbur?" "(EXCLAIMS) No, you don't." "Trying to steal the little girl's lunch." "There's something in my eye." "Here, take my handkerchief, dear." "Thank you." "GROVER:" "Everything all right?" "PRINCESS:" "Uh-huh." "(SHOUTS)" "Come here." "Come here." "I'm sorry." "Come down here." "I didn't mean it." "It's not his fault." "He's hungry." "Yeah, Joe." "I haven't had a thing to eat all day but those ladyfingers." "Wilbur, you break my heart." "Come on across the street, we'll see what Kitty can do for us today." "See you later, dear." "Goodbye." "It ain't raining." "Why the umbrella?" "Who knows?" "I'm a Damon Runyon character." "Tea Biscuit." "What a horse!" "What a horse!" "Yeah, but how're we gonna get out to the race track?" "Why don't you hire his taxi cab?" "Could be." "Perhaps." "What's your flat rate?" "$30 a month but the bathroom's at the other end of the hall." "It's quite a hike." "Have lunch with us." "We'll go inside and talk it over amongst ourselves together." "Thank you for the invitation." "That's very nice of you." "(CHATTERING)" "(DINGING)" "Take a check, please." "I'd rather have cash." "You'll have to take a check." "(DINGS)" "Tilt." "(GASPS)" "(WILBUR EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)" "What's the matter with you?" "Hey." "Hey, take it easy, will you, my friend?" "I mean, when I dropped my ticket on the floor, you with your golf shoes on, you punched holes in it." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Here, you can have mine." "Oh, thank you." "Missed." "Huh?" "You got me." "What do I want with your ticket?" "I've got one of my own." "Hey, hey, Grover." "Hey, Kitty... (PEOPLE LAUGHING)" "KITTY:" "Wilbur!" "Wilbur, watch it." "I'm sorry..." "I was going over to see Grover." "Hey, you look where you're going!" "What's the big idea?" "Would you like to have a fight or something?" "I'll fight you any day of the week." "Grover." "(CRASHING)" "I can't leave him alone a minute." "WILBUR:" "Hey, Grover." "What's the matter now?" "Oh, Grover." "What happened?" "I did it again." "So you go out and eat a dollar-and-a-half's worth and don't even sit with us." "These ain't my checks." "Oh, big man, big man." "Going around picking up other people's checks." "Well, here, pick up mine." "I'm gonna find Joe." "All right, but I mean..." "Grover, who's going to pay for these checks?" "I got an idea." "Let's gamble to see who pays." "I don't gamble." "My mother told me never to gamble." "And furthermore, gentlemen, you invited me in here for dinner." "Sure, but we didn't say we'd pay for it." "We'll have a quiz contest." "A quiz contest?" "Yeah, yeah." "Now me and the boys will each put up five bucks and we'll each ask a question, and all you gotta do is say "the checks" to each question." "If you don't say "checks," you're stuck." "All I gotta do is say "the checks"" "to three questions?" "That's right." "Okay." "Now, here, you ready?" "The first question." "What would you do if you were going to have something more, what would you eat?" "The checks." "How do you like that?" "Second question." "If you had another cup of coffee, what would you stir it with?" "The checks." "He's tough." "Last question." "If you were to win this contest, what would you rather have, the money or the checks?" "The checks." "Okay." "There they are." "Okay." "Here you are." "(LAUGHS) I win all the checks?" "Now you guys ain't got nothing." "I got them all." "What's the matter now?" "How do you like that?" "I come over here with two tickets and now I got six of them." "Will you ever learn?" "Say, I hope you guys can pay your bill." "Kitty just told me they've got a new efficiency expert here and he's plenty tough." "Uh-oh!" "Plenty tough?" "Anybody that can't pay his check winds up in the alley all cut up and bleeding." "(COUGHS) In the alley?" "Cut up and bleeding?" "It must be a gruesome sight." "You stay here and hold those checks." "I'll go out and try and dig up some money." "I'll pick you up later." "Where?" "In the alley." "Okay." "In the alley?" "Well, Mr. Warner, as my new efficiency expert you are in complete charge." "Now show me if you're as good as you say you are." "Well, I've got it figured out scientifically that a customer will be in and out of here in four and a half minutes allowing time for a cigarette." "After that, if he's not eating, out he goes." "My boys will take care of that." "GRANT:" "Fine, fine." "Hello, boss." "Hello, boss." "That'll be 75 cents, please." "I'm sorry, I left my wallet home." "I'll have to take care of it later." "That routine again." "What routine?" "A guy can leave his wallet at home, can't he?" "Listen, chum, I've got to account for every check that goes into this register." "Now pay up or else." "CUSTOMER:" "I'm sorry, I'll have to take care of it later." "What's the trouble, buddy?" "I haven't got any money, so what?" "WARNER:" "You haven't got any money, huh?" "He hasn't got any money." "(WHISPERS) Cops." "Police." "Do you know that little fat guy, sitting over there alone?" "Oh, why." "Why, yes." "He's a very prominent taxicab man about town." "He's pretty prominent, sitting over there without eating." "Uh-uh!" "Let me see those checks." "They're no good." "They've got holes in them." "Let me see them." "$3.85." "Rm a Pig, huh?" "Are you through eating?" "Yes, sir." "Now, why don't you pay your checks and get out?" "You can't sit here without eating." "I'm not hungry anymore." "Pay your checks and get out." "Good evening, Mr. Warner." "(PLATE CLATTERING)" "I thought you said you weren't hungry." "In between the time I said it and you heard it, I got hungry all over again." "It's the roll type." "Roll type." "When you've rolled it around, it's easier to eat." "You don't get smacked with this one." "Just a little small smack, that's all." "(WHISPERS) Police." "I beg your pardon, buddy, could you let me have..." "Oh, it's you." "Any luck?" "Yes, but it's all bad." "I can't raise a button." "Grover!" "Uncle Grover!" "What's wrong?" "Something awful has happened." "Finnegan is sick, awful sick." "I'm afraid it was that peppermint candy." "Where is he now?" "They just took him home in a wagon." "And now I just got to find Wilbur." "Why Wilbur?" "Well, he's Finnegan's pal and he always knows what to do when Finnegan is sick." "We know where he is." "Yes, and I think you're the answer on how to get him out." "Come on, Princess." "Well, let's hurry." "Take him, boys!" "Take it easy, fellows." "Take it easy." "GROVER:" "Wait a minute!" "Wait a minute!" "Hold everything!" "Hold everything!" "They got me." "We're prepared to pay this check." "Well, that's different." "This man's a millionaire." "But we can't pay this check until he goes outside and signs some legal papers." "Please, mister." "Couldn't I stay here for him?" "Why surely, surely you'd trust a little innocent girl like this." "Well, I guess there's nothing else I can do about it." "But there's one thing certain, those checks have got to be paid." "Sure." "Oh, thank you." "And I'll sit right here until the bill is paid." "And there's the checks." "All right, boys." "Turn him loose." "Okay." "Come on, Wilbur." "Okay, Grover." "Thanks a lot." "Thank you, too, Princess." "You just didn't have to worry about getting paid." "I just didn't have any money with me." "And at home?" "I ain't got none there, either." "Wait a minute there." "Come on, Wilbur." "You've got to cure the King's horse." "Yes, see what you can do for Finnegan." "Okay." "Hey, wait a minute." "What's the matter?" "What about the Princess?" "Joe is taking care of that." "I am not gonna leave here until I know she is safe." "Okay." "I'll fix that." "Well, who says there's never a cop in sight when you need one." "What is it now?" "Can't you soldiers take care of yourselves?" "Reilly, a poor little innocent Irish girl is being held in that cafeteria against her will." "Did you say Irish?" "I didn't say it." "Joe said it." "But talking about the Irish, that big fat guy in there said," ""I don't like the Irish!"" "He did, did he?" "Well, we'll see about this." "It's you, Princess." "Well, you get along home and tend to your sick horse." "Now wait a minute, Officer." "She can't leave this restaurant until I get $4.55 that's owed to me for food." "What did I tell you?" "REILLY:" "You mean to tell me that this little girl ate up" "$4.55 worth of food?" "What's the disturbance?" "What's the trouble here, Warner?" "He's trying to say that I ate up $4.55 worth of his old food." "I didn't say any such a thing." "But she promised to stay here until he came back with the money." "He?" "Who?" "Why, the little fat guy who came in here and ate his necktie with his spaghetti and..." "Necktie!" "Spaghetti!" "What kind of drivel-dravel is that?" "He's been acting queer all day." "I have, have I?" "Well, you're fired." "That suits me fine." "Come on, Princess, we're getting out..." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Break it up, break it." "Officer!" "You can't..." "Just a minute, Warner." "You're a little too efficient for me." "Not only is she fired but you're fired." "Fired!" "And not only will you pay me the $4.55 you claim this kid owes me, but I'm going to hold your $100 bond until I check on you." "(STUTTERING)" "What kind of a job is this?" "You work for four hours and you're out $104.55." "You can't do that!" "Are you sure this medicine will cure Finnegan?" "Yeah, I know all about horses." "You do?" "Hello, boys." "How's Finnegan?" "He's going to be all right." "The poor O'Haras." "I do hope the horse gets well." "So do I. I got to make him well." "Hello." "Hello, honey." "How are you?" "Are you gonna make Finnegan well?" "You bet your life I am." "I got to." "(WHISTLES)" "Come on." "Bye-bye." "And the unfortunate horse, how is he?" "He's got a pain in the tummy." "But I'm gonna make him well." "You know me." "Dr. Wilbur Hoolihan, M.E." "No, M.D." "M.E. What's M.E?" "Me." "Come on." "(PRINCESS SINGING) We're buddies, you and me" "Old timer" "Wherever we may be" "Old timer" "And should there come a day" "When a fellow needs a friend" "It's good to feel that we'll both stick right to the end" "To me there's only one" "Old timer" "Without you there's no sun" "Up in the sky" "And though we may" "Be worlds apart" "Old timer" "Here's my heart" "WILBUR:" "Princess." "Come on." "Sit down over here, dear." "You've got nothing to worry about, honey." "I'm gonna have Finnegan up and well in no time." "Sure he will." "Well, get to work, horse doctor." "GROVER:" "What are you doing?" "Taking his pulse." "Not there." "In the front." "Oh, by his two front legs." "No, the horse's forelegs." "Four legs?" "I said by the two front legs." "Well, the horse's forelegs are in front." "What's those things in the back, crutches?" "GROVER:" "No." "Don't you understand?" "My horse." "Here comes King." "My poor old horse." "Pop, you shouldn't have come over here." "This weather is bad for your arthritis." "Never mind my arthritis, my horse is sick." "He's more important than I am." "Mr. O'Hara, I'm sorry about Finnegan." "I didn't know that the candy would hurt him." "It never hurt me." "It's all right, Wilbur, but Finnegan's getting on in years." "There are some things he just can't eat anymore." "I feel the same way about cucumbers." "But you got nothing to worry about, Mr. O'Hara." "Please, don't worry." "Grover, give me one of those pills." "I'm gonna show you something." "These pills never fail." "I'll give one of these here to Finnegan, and he'll be up and well before you know it." "He'll be pulling that hack like a two-year-old." "I hope so." "Yes, come on." "Now you run along home, and don't worry about a thing." "Everything will be taken care of." "PRINCESS:" "What are you going to do?" "Well, I'm going to give Finnegan his medicine." "HOW?" "Well' you See 1 first I take one end of the hose and put it in Finnegan's mouth like this." "Open your mouth, Finnegan." "Stick it right in." "Mia boy." "New stay "he that." "Now, you see, I take the capsule and I put it in the hose, like that." "Now what do you do?" "Now, he's got one end in his mouth and the other end I put in my mouth, and then I blow." "Watch." "(GASPS)" "(CHOKING)" "What's the matter?" "Come here." "Hold still." "Wilbur." "What happened?" "Wait a minute." "What do you want?" "What?" "Yes, I know that." "You told that." "Yes, yes, that's right." "Well, what happened?" "The horse blew first." "PRINCESS:" "Oh, look!" "Finnegan's getting up." "I got to go tell Pop." "Finnegan is up again." "Frisky as a pup again." "Finnegan is in again." "Eating at the bin again." "Finnegan is fit again." "Chomping at the bit again." "Finnegan is up again." "Feeling like a pup again." "(ALL CHATTERING)" "JOE:" "Finnegan is fit again." "Chomping at the bit again." "Finnegan is up again." "Feeling like a pup again." "My horse is fit and well again!" "Oh, glory be!" "(SINGING) Oh, glory be, glory be" "Toss your hats in the air and be gay" "Tell 0'Rlley and Farrel It's roll-out-the-barrel day on, glory be, glory be" "There's a holiday mood in the air" "You can swing a shillelagh Or sing Eli, Eli there" "Contagious rhythm" "A happy hullabaloo" "We're cooking with 'em" "A sort of Mulligan stew" "It's spreading Uptown" "Downtown" "East Side West Side" "BOTH:" "All around Manhattan, hear 'em shout on, glory be, glory be" "From the Hudson to Avenue D" "There's a million times seven Who shouted to heaven, like me" "Glory be" "Contagious rhythm A happy hullabaloo" "We're cooking with 'em A sort of Mulligan stew it's spreading Uptown, Downtown East Side, West Side" "All around Manhattan, hear 'em shout" "(CROWD CHEERING)" "(SINGING) Contagious rhythm A happy hullabaloo" "We're cooking with 'em A sort of Mulligan stew it's spreading Uptown, Downtown East Side, West Side" "All around Manhattan, hear 'em shout on, glory be, glory be" "Hallelujah, by golly, W Gee" "It's a glorious momin' It's great to be born in" "This land of the free" "Glory be" "Hello, Grover." "Hello." "Isn't this a beautiful morning?" "Marvelous!" "I'll bet Finnegan'll be sure glad to see me, now that I cured him." "Why don't you run over and see how he feels?" "That's exactly what I'm gonna do." "Well, I want to run in here and get a cup of coffee." "See you later." "Okay." "(SINGING) Finnegan is up again Frisky as a pup again" "Finnegan is up again" "Hi, Pete." "Hi, Pete." "Finnegan is up again" "Hi, Sandy." "Hello." "Hello, honey." "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Mrs. Reed." "Hey!" "Hey!" "No!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Finnegan." "Finnegan!" "You're a murderer." "You killed that horse." "Honest, kid, I didn't mean to do it." "Oh, yes, you did." "I don't want to talk to you and nobody else wants to talk to you." "Tell the boys at the stand they're welcome to my regular customers." "That I'll do." "Sorry about your horse." "Go ahead." "Mr. O'Hara, I really don't know what to say." "I'm not blaming you for anything, son." "You tried to help and it just didn't work out right." "You know this hack don't look the same anymore." "I'm strong." "I'm gonna make it up to you." "I'm going to take the place of Finnegan, Mr. O'Hara." "You get in, Mr. O'Hara." "You get in and drive me." "I'm gonna take Finnegan's place." "He would do the same thing for me." "Thanks, Wilbur, but I'm afraid that won't do." "That looks silly, put it down." "Silly, huh?" "Yeah." "I'm going to get them two people a horse if it's the last thing I do." "This is one job I'm not gonna fall down on." "(PRINCESS GASPS)" "WILBUR:" "Gee, Grover, this is a terrible way to get money." "GROVER:" "Never mind that, you promised the Princess a horse and you've got to go through with it." "Spill n." "Stinky Fields sent us up here." "WILBUR:" "Yeah." "He's a good friend of Shorty McAllister's." "Yeah, we want to see Big-Hearted Charlie." "There's Charlie over at the desk." "Hello, boys." "Hello." "What can Big-Hearted Charlie do for you?" "I want some money." "I've got a rod." "A stick up." "What's the matter?" "What's the matter with you fellows?" "They're acting awful nervous, ain't they?" "Wait a minute, boys, let's talk this over." "What do you want?" "All I want to do is borrow some money on this here." "That's all." "A fishing rod." "How do you like that?" "Yeah, I would like to borrow some money on that." "You want to take yourself out a loan?" "Well, why should I take myself out alone?" "I don't appeal to me." "Keep quiet." "He wants to borrow $100." "We're friends of King O'Hara." "Then you're okay, pal." "I'll let you have 100 bucks." "You got to pay me back $5 a week the first year and two-and-a-half a week the second year." "$5 the first year, a week?" "And then the second year two-and-a-half dollars a week?" "Come on, brother." "You ain't gonna get away with that." "Why not?" "Because I'm able to pay $3 a week the second year." "That's different." "Here's your dough." "Mister, what will happen to me if I can't make my payments?" "Here, I'll give you a rough idea." "Mushy, let me have a report on that last guy that didn't meet his payments." "(GUNSHOTS)" "Here's your $100, boys." "You've got nothing to worry about, just pay on time." "That's what I was saying to my friend." "He's got nothing to worry about as long as he pays on time." "I'll pay on time." "I don't want the money." "It's him." "Better take the money, take the money, take the money." "Don't push, don't push." "Take the money." "Thanks ever so much." "See you later." "Well, boys." "Ever play horses?" "I was just thinking with a little luck you could double that hundred bucks and pay me off and still have the dough you came in for." "Say, where do you bet on these horses?" "We got a direct line to the track in the next room." "You know, he's got something there." "You can double your money, you won't owe anybody and you can buy King a new horse." "That is a very elegant idea." "Did you like it?" "The only thing is, I don't know anything about playing the horses." "That's simple." "All you have to do is pick out a horse and put your money right on his nose." "Come on, let's go inside." "Come on, I'll show you how to double your money." "Try your luck on the ponies, boys?" "No, we wanna play the big horses." "No, no, no, no." "He wants to make a bet." "Okay." "One, two, don't make any slip." "Three, four, we'll take a little drip." "Hey, wait a minute." "What's this "little drip" business?" "Just testing." "Oh, testing." "Hey, come to." "Slicker's got an easy mark." "Here, pick yourself a horse." "Okay." "I'll pick a good one, too." "Let me look at your form." "Let me look at your form." "Well, if you get a kick out of it, okay." "All right." "What are you doing?" "You asked to look at my form, didn't you?" "Nothing of the kind." "Hey, you gonna bet a lot of money?" "How much you gonna bet, $20?" "No." "$50?" "$100?" "How much you gonna bet?" "A buck." "We don't take any dollar bets here." "Too big for you to handle?" "Take any part of it." "Listen." "Bet $10." "$10?" "$10." "I bet $10." "$10." "Right." "Make for the coconuts." "(BELL RINGS)" "ANNOUNCER:" "They're off." "The race is over." "You lose." "Now, come on." "What kind of stuff is this?" "Wait a minute." "They're off." "The race is over." "I lose." "I didn't even bet." "I don't know what I'm doing." "I mean..." "Come on, run that race over again." "And run it in slow motion." "The man is right." "Wait a minute." "You know the name of the horse you bet on?" "That's got nothing to do with it." "I mean..." "What is the name of the horse you bet on?" "Well..." "Well, how do you expect to win, when you don't even know the name of the horse?" "The man's right." "The man's right." "Now this time double up on him." "Bet $20." "$20, my eye." "My Eye?" "It's a good horse." "$20 to win, My Eye." "(BELL RINGS)" "ANNOUNCER:" "They're off." "The race is over." "You lose." "What is this?" "What's coming off here?" "What room are we playing in?" "Now wait a minute." "Where do we stand?" "Just a..." "I mean, after all, $20 my eye." "That was..." "That's an expression." "Give this boy a break." "All right." "Now, in the next race there's only two horses in the race." "Two horses?" "That's right." ""V" for victory, can't miss." "Hey, come here." "Only two horses." "Yeah." "Bet on both of them." "You can't lose." "Bet on the two of them?" "Certainly." "Can't lose." "How can you lose?" "Okay." "What's the horses' names?" "Jellybean and Lollypop." "$20 on Jellybean." "$20 on Jellybean." "$20 on Lollypop." "$20 on Lollypop." "You're just in time." "They're at the post." "(BELL RINGS)" "They're off." "Lollypop takes the lead with Jellybean second." "At the far tum, it's Lollypop and Jellybean." "Now it's Jellybean and Lollypop." "They're running neck and neck." "Come on." "Come on, Jellypop." "You mean Lollypop." "I mean Jellypop, I'm betting on the two of them." "ANNOUNCER:" "Now they're rounding the turn for home." "It's Lollypop by a nose, with Jellybean closing fast." "Come on, come on, somebody." "Come on." "ANNOUNCER:" "They're in the stretch." "It's Lollypop pulling away now, with Jellybean 's jockey going to the whip but he's pulling up now." "It's going to be a close finish." "Now they go under the wire, and the winner, China Clipper." "Oh, boy." "China Clipper, we..." "China Clipper?" "(EXCLAIMS)" "Straighten this thing out." "Look!" "Look, only two horses in the race." "That's right." "Jellybean and Lollypop." "That's right." "Out of a clear sky..." "China Clipper." "That's enough." "I quit." "All right, but wait a minute." "That's enough." "Wait a minute, boys." "Now, in the last race." "That was my last race." "No more." "Just a minute." "There's only one horse in the race." "I wouldn't bet if there was no horses in the race." "My mother always told me never to bet on horses." "How're you gonna lose with one horse in a race?" "I don't care if there was no horse in the race." "What's the horse's name?" "Mattress." "Come on, make yourself a fortune." "Only one horse?" "One horse in the race." "One horse." "One." "Put $10 on the nose." "$10 on the nose." "Put $10 on the tail." "$10 on the tail." "Here's another $10." "What for?" "Put it on the saddle." "What's that for?" "In case the horse comes in sideways." "Here's where we take the rest of the bankroll." "(BELL RINGS)" "I got you." "There's only one horse in the race." "ANNOUNCER:" "They're off in a bunch." "Off in a bunch." "Off in a bunch?" "There's only one horse in the race." "How can they be off in a bunch?" "There's only one horse in the race." "Get the other horses off the track." "Hey, you." "(WHISTLES) The other horses, get off that track." "ANNOUNCER:" "At the half it's Mattress and Going Strong." "Come on, Mattress." "Come on." "At three-quarters, Mattress." "Three-quarter Mattress." "ANNOUNCER:" "Now she's coming into the stretch." "It's Mattress with only a furlong to go." "She's pulling away now as Mattress comes down to the wire." "And the winner, Mattress." "Oh boy." "I win." "I win." "I got a winner." "ANNOUNCER:" "Just a minute, folks, it's a photo finish." "Photo finish." "How can it be a photo finish?" "Only one horse in the race." "Lollypop just came in from the last race." "Beat it, boys, it's a raid." "What do you mean?" "A raid, what do you mean?" "Somebody tipped off the cops." "Well, they can't do this..." "I thought this job was gonna be safe." "Hurry out the back way." "Hold all bets." "Till we get the results of the photo finish." "You mean I still have a chance to win?" "You said it." "Mattress wins by a nose." "Pay off the little drip $200." "Okay, but I smell a rat." "What're you looking at me for?" "Excuse me." "Don't forget what Barnum said about suckers." ""You can fool some of the people some of the time" ""and some of the time, most of the time," ""somebody's got to get it one way or the other."" "And another thing," ""You can lead a horse to water," ""but you can still only go 35 miles an hour."" "Come on." "Here you are, Big Charlie." "Here's your $100 back." "What happened?" "The drip got the drop on the droop." "Give me back my rod." "Come on." "Sorry." "Look." "Now that you've got enough money to buy the horse, hold onto it." "I'm going inside here to look at a telephone book and find out where they sell horses." "And please don't let anyone gyp you out of that money." "Nobody's going to chisel me out of this money, fella." "I worked too hard to get this one." "How do you do?" "Fore!" "(EXCLAIMS)" "Hello, mister." "Hi." "What a beautiful animal that is." "Where can I buy a horse like that?" "That's funny." "I've just been wondering to whom I could sell him to." "Are you kidding?" "You want to sell him?" "What a beautiful horse." "What's the letters on the saddle?" "P.D.?" "P.D." "Why, that's his initials." "He belongs to the John Law stables." "A pedigree horse?" "Certainly." "I'll give you $100 for him." "Well, I don't know." "I love this little horse like a brother." "I'll give you my fishing rod besides." "Well, you got a deal." "Go ahead." "There's a hundred." "Hey, brother, come here." "How do I know there's lots of life in this horse?" "Are you kidding?" "If he doesn't move fast enough, just blow that whistle and you'll get action more than someone." "That's what I want to find out." "I want to find out if P.D. has got plenty of spirit." "(BLOWS WHISTLE)" "MAN 1:" "What happened?" "What are you blowing that for?" "Was there an accident?" "MAN 2:" "What's the trouble here, fella?" "What did you do now?" "I just bought a horse." "That's a cop's horse." "Of course." "Anybody knows it's a cop's horse." "I mean, after all, that's what that P.D..." "Yes." "P.D. Yes." "A cop's horse." "Certainly." "Hey, what's going on down there?" "Leave that horse alone." "The other way." "Come on, get away from there." "Well, how do you like that?" "A guy tried to steal my horse." "Imagine that." "What did he look like?" "He was a little short fat guy." "I saw him, Officer." "He was trying to take the horse out and he was blowing a whistle." "That's right." "He looked something like you." "Only he was a little guy." "Yeah." "I'm tall." "See?" "All right, break it up." "Break it." "Come on, break it up around here." "(CHATTERING)" "How do you like that?" "Come on, you heard what the policeman said, now break it up." "Everybody go home." "How do you like that?" "Here, this is yours." "Yeah." "Thanks." "Hey!" "How could you be dumb enough to buy a cop's horse?" "Now you're broke again and you still haven't got a horse." "Hey, wait a minute." "How do you like..." "BOTH:" "No." "Excuse me." "I'm awful sorry, but does it say in those papers there where you can get a good carriage horse?" "No, these dope sheets just give you the horse's records." "Like if a horse has an "X" in front of his name that shows he's a mudder." "How can a he be a mother?" "Ain't a she always a mother?" "No, certainly not." "Sometimes a he makes a better mudder than a she." "A he makes a better mother than a she?" "Sure." "How can you tell if a horse is a mother?" "By looking at its feet." "Ain't we living in a wonderful age?" "(EXCLAIMS) Mother or father, I got to have a horse." "Yes, he wants a horse to pull a hack." "A hack horse?" "Sure." "You know the horse that's Tea Biscuit's roommate." "His companion, as it were." "You mean, Boimel?" "I hear they're trying to give him away." "That's right, I read in the papers, where the first guy that calls for him can have him." "Give him away?" "Yes, sir." "You can have him?" "Yes." "The Princess is going to get a horse." "Where's this horse?" "Up at the Empire track." "He used to pull a carriage, didn't he, boys?" "Yeah." "Oh, boy." "Thanks, fellows." "Come on, Grover." "Thanks a lot, boys." "Hey." "What?" "I wonder if those guys was kidding about that free horse?" "I don't know." "See that light in the window over there?" "Find out if there's anyone in." "Find out if anybody's there?" "Yeah." "Hey, anybody..." "Shh." "Here." "Here." "How are they gonna hear me?" "They're way over there." "Well, walk over there." "Knock on the door?" "That's it, knock on the..." "No, don't knock on the door." "Look in the window." "Sneak." "That's it, go ahead, go ahead." "Well, you sound like just the type of efficiency man" "I've been looking for." "Well, I don't like to brag, Colonel Brainard, but my last job was finished in less than four hours." "COLONEL:" "It's quite a responsibility, you know, owning the world's fastest racehorse." "What's the matter, Warner?" "Let's get out of here." "What's the matter?" "What's wrong?" "I just saw that guy, Warner, from the restaurant." "What are you worrying about?" "Come on, come on." "Now, listen." "You're down here to get a horse." "And you're going back with one." "There's your horse over there, Boimel." "Come on, let's go and get him." "Go ahead, get the horse." "Okay." "Excuse me, please." "I want to make..." "If you don't mind?" "I said, "Excuse me, please."" "He's a dumb horse." "There you are." "I mean, after all, don't get tough." "What do you wanna do?" "What are you gonna do?" "Huh?" "I'm gonna do this legitimate." "I owe you one horse." "Well, if you wanna be that way, sign your name." "Then they got me." "No, no, no." "Come on." "Your right name." "Your right name." "All right, get the horse." "Well, I can swear, I just saw the face of the man" "I hate the most in all the world." "Well, this track is situated in the country" "Washington Irving wrote about." "Remember Sleepy Hollow?" "Yeah, yeah." "Well, some night you're liable to see the Headless Horseman around here." "Well, now, just the same, I'm gonna take a look around." "Mind if I take this flashlight?" "Not at all." "We're stuck." "Hey!" "(WILBUR EXCLAIMING) Hey, get that ladder." "We'll hide up here." "Hurry up." "Put it down here." "Go ahead." "Hurry up." "All right." "Quiet." "Quiet." "Will you get up here?" "WILBUR: (GROANING) My feet." "This is no time to monkey around." "Get up here." "Come on, get up here." "Hurry up." "Come on up here." "Never mind that." "GROVER:" "Come on, give me your hand." "Give me your hand." "I'm coming up." "Where are you going?" "I'm coming." "Give me your hand." "Come on, come on." "Reach up here." "Where are you..." "I'm coming..." "Come on, give me your hand." "Give me your hand." "Give me your hand." "It's over." "It's a fine time to plant ladders." "Come on, give me your hand." "Get up here." "Hurry up." "One, two, three." "(GROVER EXCLAIMS) Pull." "GROVER:" "Hey, what are you doing?" "Hey, Grover." "Grover." "Grover." "Where did he..." "What are you doing down here?" "You're supposed to wait up there and give me a hand." "Hold on there." "Hold on." "Look out." "Here he comes." "Okay." "Let's hide." "Hide." "Come here." "Come here." "Come here." "Give me a hand." "Grab the blanket." "Grab the blanket." "Come here." "Come here, get a hold of this." "Get a hold of this." "WARNER:" "You can't get away from me that easy." "I saw you come in here, now." "Come on out." "Get over there." "Get over." "Why, you..." "I'll teach you something." "(EXCLAIMS)" "I'll fix you." "(WILBUR EXCLAIMING)" "All right, all right." "Hold still." "Come on!" "Pull it off." "Right now, that side." "Pull it out!" "Come on." "Hey, come on." "(MUFFLED) Grover!" "Grover." "Turn on the light." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Turn on the light." "GROVER:" "Come on, Wilbur." "This way." "This way." "On the horse." "The Headless Horseman." "The Headless Horseman." "He's a lovely horse, boys." "I'll never be able to thank you enough, Wilbur." "That's all right, King, wear it in good health." "Good morning, Pop." "Good morning, Princess." "Gee, you look wonderful this morning." "Thank you, darling." "Gee, it's nice to see the Princess happy again." "Now I can hold my head up." "(SHOUTING) Come in here." "Come in here." "Hey, hey, hey." "What's the matter?" "Made in Japan." "That's the closest hit they'll ever make around here." "What are you wearing?" "What am I wearing?" "That's my hair." "No, that there." "Oh, I just planted a Victory Garden." "Get over there, and sit down." "Sit down." "Don't hit, don't hit." "Paper, morning paper." "Thank you." "Don't you think you'd better wash the dishes?" "Gee, I never thought of that." "KITTY: "Tea Biscuit Kidnapped." Oh, no." "I still don't know where you boys got that horse but I'm proud of you." "When we go out for a horse, we get a horse." "You certainly do." "Wilbur, where'd you get that horse you gave to King?" "Come on, now, tell me." "Out with it." "(COUGHS) Where did you get that horse?" "(MUMBLES)" "Never mind that." "Wilbur, now, come on, tell me, where did you get that horse?" "Can I help it if horses like Boimel follow me home?" "If it were Boimel, it might not be so bad." "Look at this." "I mean..." "Let me see that." "It's propaganda." "Propaganda, that's what it is." "Let me see that." "Uh-oh!" "I mean, after all, let me read it myself." "I made it myself, you know." "Misprint." ""Tea Biscuit kidnapped." ""Apparently the marauder came to steal Tea Biscuit" ""but through an error got into Boimel's stall." ""But actually stole Tea Biscuit," ""since Tea Biscuit was not in his own stall but in Boimel's stall."" "They can't pin it on me." "I mean, I can't help it if they put the wrong horse in the right place." "Stall." "Stall." "For more time." "Quiet." "Look, there's only one thing to do, put the horse back or all of us will get into trouble." "She's right, boys, let's find the King and Tea Biscuit before somebody recognizes him." "Look, I'll tell you what I can do." "I ll get the horse and I'll put him in a truck and I'll send him down to Grand Central Station and we'll send him away by slow straight." "By what?" "By straight slow." "What are you talking about?" "We'll send him up, send him out of town, express, express, get rid of him." "Fine trouble you got me into now, horse thief." "(DOOR SHUTS)" "Gee, Grover." "Will you write to me in the guard house?" "Sure I will." "Quit worrying." "Everything's going to be all right." "Look, Pat, one, I got exactly 42 hours left to put a show together and I got no show." "Two, the boys stole the world's greatest racehorse and King O'Hara disappears with him." "The boys will be back with him any minute." "JOE:" "You hope." "Stole the world's greatest race horse?" "(HORN norms)" "Here are the boys now." "Did you find out anything about King O'Hara?" "Yes, he's heading for Saratoga." "Saratoga?" "One of the other cabbies just told me he was driving a drunk up there with arthritis for the cure." "Now we're really in trouble." "You said it." "Now we gotta get that horse back from King before he goes to jail." "And the most important thing is we mustn't let the Princess know anything about how we got her father in a jam." "Ain't that right, Princess?" "Because it would break her heart." "(WHISPERS) Break her heart." "Oh, Wilbur." "You didn't have to steal a horse for us." "Pop and I could have gotten along somehow." "I'm sorry, Princess." "But when we took the horse, we didn't know it was Tea Biscuit." "We thought it was his playmate." "The whole thing is a mistake." "It won't be any mistake when they take Pop to jail." "I feel terrible." "If I was a man I'd cry." "Me too." "Oh, honey, you gotta pull yourself together and wipe those tears." "I want to save that big one right here for some other time." "What are you all standing here like dopes for?" "We've got to get up to Saratoga so we can keep her father from going to jail." "But Wilbur..." "You shut up." "I mean..." "I got away with it." "All I want to do is find out who's got enough money for gas." "Don't look at me." "All I got is troubles." "Honey, hiding anything in your stockings outside of those gorgeous legs?" "Well, I haven't got a job." "I need a new pair of shoes and my rent is due Sunday." "But if $17 gets us to Saratoga, it's yours." "Why, Kitty." "I wouldn't think of it." "Why... $17 will buy enough gas to get to Saratoga." "We're off for Saratoga." "What're you going that way for?" "Saratoga is over this way." "Come on." "We've got to pack our grips." "Come on." "(WHOOPS)" "(HORN HONKING)" "Come on." "Come on, kids." "Hey, boys, we can't stay here." "This is one of the swankiest hotels in Saratoga." "What's the difference as long as we ain't gonna pay?" "Give me the bags, kids." "Well, we've still got four tires." "That's all." "(TIRES BURSTING)" "We had four tires." "At least nothing else can happen." "Grover." "There goes my car." "Never mind the car." "We've got work to do." "Princess, you check into this hotel." "Kitty and I will take all the streets running north and south while we look for Tea Biscuit." "Wilbur, you and Grover take all the east-west streets." "Okay." "Nice looking horse." "Yeah." "He's a beauty." "When my old horse died, this one was gifted to me." "WILBUR:" "Hey, King." "Hello!" "Hello, Kingy, boy, am I glad to see you." "Kingy, old boy." "Best friend a kid ever had." "What a friend!" "There is..." "Hi, stranger." "Come here, son." "This is the lad what gifted me the horse." "He's a real friend." "Real friends are hard to find nowadays." "You two ought to hang together." "Yeah." "He was in on it." "Quiet." "King, we thought maybe you'd like to trade this horse in for a better one." "Don't you think?" "No, sir." "I wouldn't trade him for Tea Biscuit." "You don't have to." "Shut up!" "He does look like Tea Biscuit." "You know, them stupid New York cops are still looking for him." "If he was here in Saratoga," "I bet you I could lay my hand on him just like that." "(WILBUR AND GROVER EXCLAIMING)" "Burny, burny." "OFFICER:" "What do you mean, "Burny, burny"?" "That's a hot horse." "A hot horse?" "Yeah." "He was leaning over a hot stove all day." "Yeah." "Well, you'd never find Tea Biscuit pulling a hack, anyway." "You'd never find Tea Biscuit pulling a hack." "Oh, no." "(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)" "Hey, don't tip off the cop, will you?" "(NEIGHS)" "I'm no stool pigeon." "Stool pigeon?" "All right." "All right, come on." "GROVER:" "This hack for hire?" "Sure, climb in, boys." "This plug will take you wherever you're going." "He's a plug all right." "You can always tell a racehorse by the way he reacts to a bugle." "(HORN BLOWING)" "So, you see, King, I didn't know it was Tea Biscuit." "That's why we've got to get him back." "Yeah." "Well, it breaks my heart." "But it's the right thing to do." "In the meantime, I'll have to keep him undercover." "Undercover?" "But where?" "Undercover?" "I know just the place." "(SNORING)" "(TEA BISCUIT SNORING)" "This is absolutely 100% nuts." "Maybe you can afford to turn down a reward often grand for Tea Biscuit, no questions asked." "But not me." "Sure." "Didn't we tell this little squirt Wilbur about Boimel?" "And ain't Tea Biscuit under the sheet in Boimel's caboose that night?" "And don't the landlady tell us they suddenly hotfoot it for the Oaks Hotel in Saratoga?" "And ain't this the Oaks Hotel?" "I'm telling you Tea Biscuit's up here." "And that blubber's got him by the tail." "Sure." "Hey, ain't that Wilbur's taxi?" "That it is." "Gentlemen, we're in the satchel." "Shall we register?" "Why not?" "Mr. Warner, I hope you can get this hotel on an efficient basis without an undue loss of time." "You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Doyle, I assure you." "I wasn't on my last job two hours and a half before I got action." "Well, best of luck to you." "What're you doing?" "Put that down." "Put that down." "What do you mean, what am I doing?" "What are these things?" "What you tell me yesterday." "To disguise the horse." "I put glasses on him." "Oh, come on." "We've got to get going." "We've got to meet Kitty and Joe and the Princess." "Yeah." "We've got to get that horse back." "But I insist, Room 230 did order a bale of hay and a bag of oats." "Well, my dear Hicks, I'm only going to check up on this in order to humor you." "What does that look like?" "Grass growing in a hotel corridor?" "Well, it could be bird seed." "Look, Tea Biscuit." "Hey, if anybody should ask you your name, from now on it's Smith." "Who is it?" "This is Smith." "No, no, no, no." "Who is it?" "Mr. Warner, the hotel manager." "Warner." "That's..." "That's it." "That's all." "That's enough." "That's the guy that's been haunting us." "Get over there, and stall him." "I'll take the horse out the window." "Smith, Smith." "Don't forget." "Smith." "Go on." "Stall him." "There's something phony here." "Use your pass key." "Get in there." "Hey, Grover." "Wait a minute." "Go on." "Stall him." "Wait a minute." "Why don't you and I go out the window, leave the horse here?" "Go on over and stall him." "I mean..." "Grover!" "WARNER:" "Get a hold of one of these feet." "We'll take him out." "(GRUNTING)" "(EXCLAIMS)" "(SPEAK GIBBERISH)" "You wish to see Yogi?" "(NEIGHING LOUDLY)" "(NEIGHING)" "Hold your mouth." "Hold your mouth." "Hold it." "I think we're going to have some trouble here." "Go and get the house detective." "(NEIGHING)" "You cannot go in this room." "This is my wife's room." "Mrs. Yogi." "Winnie Yogi." "Winnie, don't." "Don't, Winnie." "Your wife?" "Why, you didn't register a wife!" "I got married after we registered." "Oh, you did?" "Well, get out of here." "Let me in there." "Don't push." "Don't push." "How do you do?" "Sir, you have nothing to worry about." "As your wife's physician, I predict a very healthy child." "WILBUR:" "Thank you." "What's that?" "I told my wife if she wanted a boy to knock on wood." "A boy." "Twins." "Isn't your wife pretty active under the circumstances?" "Oh, yes." "She's strong like a horse." "Like a horse?" "She is a horse." "Hey, don't you call my horse a wife." "I don't go for that." "Now I know you." "Close the door." "I got it." "No need of you hiding in there." "I'll stay here if it takes me all summer." "Just hold onto it." "What's the matter?" "Grab hold of that door." "Come in." "Can I go through your window?" "I'm the hotel manager." "They've got an unregistered horse in the next apartment." "Did you say horse?" "Yes!" "These parties next door with the horse, one of them a little fat guy?" "And the other a hatchet face?" "I think they'd answer to that description." "Listen, citizen, we'd like to talk to you for a minute." "We've got a way for all of us to split up 10,000 sardines." "Come on, let go, I'll go in and see." "No, no." "Let go!" "No, don't." "Get your hand off that." "Come on, the coast is clear." "Okay." "I'll put my shoes on." "Yeah, hurry up." "Oh, come on, Mr. Warner, if you lock the boys up, we lose the reward." "What do you say?" "We take the horse, split the 10 grand, and that gives you the revenge and a good profit." "Well, I'd like to commit mayhem on them..." "Do it after we collect." "Yeah." "Advance us the $200 so we can buy the nag and we'll pay you back after we get the moolah." "It's a deal, boys." "Leave everything to me." "I know just what to do." "Don't tell me it's that guy again." "WARNER:" "Let me in, boys." "It's all been a dreadful mistake." "Oh, boy." "We can't get out of here with that guy at the door." "And we can't take that horse down the fire escape." "Hey, I got an idea." "If you don't open this door, I'll call the cops." "What are you gonna do?" "Hello, this is Room 230." "What're you doing?" "What do you want?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "Hello, this is Room 230." "Give me the room across the hall." "Hey you, you better stop beating that woman, or I'll throw you out of this hotel." "Who is beating what woman?" "I got no woman in my room." "Now, listen you!" "Don't talk back to me!" "I'll punch you right in the nose!" "Who is this talking?" "WILBUR:" "This is the hotel manager." "Oh, the hotel manager, eh?" "Well, I'll be right down to get that punch in the nose." "Never mind!" "You don't have to come down." "I'm right across the hall and I'm waiting for you, brother!" "What is this all about?" "Time will tell." "Are you the hotel manager?" "Yes, sir." "What can I do for you?" "Hold this for me." "Come on, everything's clear." "Come on, Smithy." "Come on, guys, let's see what makes with the high finance." "Opportunities is knocking." "Hey, something's gone wrong." "What's the matter?" "What happened?" "What happened?" "PRINCESS:" "Here's Wilbur now." "What kept you so long?" "What happened?" "Never mind that." "We've got to get rid of this horse." "And the hotel manager saw us." "He had a scowl on his face just like this." "Smithy, show them." "That's the way he looks." "Come on, let's get." "Hitch him up fast." "The hack is around the corner." "Here they come." "Wait a minute, boys." "It's all been a terrible mistake." "I wanna talk to him." "What can we do for you?" "We don't want any trouble." "We wanna buy that horse." "Buy him?" "You can't buy that horse." "I don't care who it is." "I'll give $500 for him and take all the responsibility." "Five hundred bucks!" "That's the money for your show." "Come on, throw those pillows away." "Shake a leg." "Shake a leg." "Throw them away." "Hurry up." "Get in here." "Get in here." "Hey, here comes Warner." "Where?" "(CLAMORING) What're we waiting for?" "Go ahead, kick my brains out." "Hey, driver, follow that hack." "Follow that hack." "HACK DRIVER:" "Yes, sir." "Right away." "Hold on to him." "Hang on." "Hang on." "Hey, Grover, that was quite a bump, wasn't it?" "It must have been." "You ain't here." "Grover!" "Grover!" "Hey!" "Grover fell out!" "Go on and drive." "Hurry up." "Hello, Grover." "Go on." "HACK DRIVER:" "Fellow back there wants to see you." "I don't know what you're saying." "Come a little closer." "Fellow back there wants to see you." "Back where?" "Back there." "(SCREAMS)" "(EXCLAIMING)" "(CAR HORN HONKING)" "I think we're gaining a little bit." "Keep your eye on the road." "Funny place to unload a bale of hay, isn't it?" "They're not unloading." "You just watch out." "(BELL CLANGING)" "GROVER:" "What's wrong now?" "What's he doing?" "WILBUR:" "I don't know." "Come on." "Hey, here they come." "Here they come." "Get off the tracks." "They'll never make it." "Uncle Wilbur, look, a train." "A train." "(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Oh, choo-choo train." "(SHOUTING)" "Tea Biscuit, get off the track." "Get off the track." "(WHISTLES)" "Just missed it." "Wilbur!" "Wilbur, where are you?" "Hurry up, will you?" "Hurry up." "Make him go faster now." "KITTY:" "Come on, are you hurt, hon?" "GROVER:" "Thanks for the lift." "I thought we were stranded." "(GUNSHOTS)" "ANNOUNCER OVER PA:" "Ladies and gentlemen, the next race will be the feature event of the day." "The annual running of the Saratoga Handicap." "The winner will take down a purse of approximately $50,000." "It's a capacity crowd here today." "But there's one sad note in the festivities." "Colonel Brainards great horse," "Tea Biscuit, is still missing." "Must be some mistake, Colonel Brainard." "They got Tea Biscuit on the tote board at 100-1 and the horse ain't even running." "No, there's no mistake, Shorty." "I entered him for sentimental reasons." "I just can't think of him as lost." "Come on, let's go watch the race, Colonel." "No, not for me, Shorty." "I just haven't got the heart to watch it without Tea Biscuit running." "Now, listen to me." "Tea Biscuit, I'm no jockey." "How do you like that?" "Throws me up in the air and then catches me." "He put a saddle on, too." "Come on, Tea Biscuit." "Hey, Eddie." "Why didn't you put a saddle on Rhubarb, when you heard the bugle?" "I put a saddle on him." "Does this look like a saddle?" "Now, hurry up." "Rhubarb, this is the first time" "I've ever seen you with nervous perspiration." "Just a minute, who's paying for the hack?" "I'm the only one left, I suppose I'll have to pay for it." "You wait for us, we'll go back to them." "Come on, hurry up." "Here we go." "All right, in here." "Tickets, please." "Tickets." "Tickets." "Tickets?" "Tickets." "Mr. Warner, the big fellow in the back, he has all our tickets." "Mr. Warner." "Mr. Warner." "Tickets." "I haven't got any tickets." "Well, aren't these people with you?" "Sure they're with me." "I wanna get through with them, I..." "Well, there's nine of you, that's nine tickets, sir." "All right." "Can I pay you for it here?" "Not here, sir, the ticket office right outside." "Well, you wait here till I get back." "All right, Rhubarb, they always said you looked enough like Tea Biscuit to be his twin brother." "Let's see you run as fast as he does." "ANNOUNCER:" "The horses are now leaving the saddling enclosure for the running of the Saratoga Handicap." "And here they come, on the track for the parade, past the grandstand." "Look!" "There's Uncle Wilbur." "Hey, Grover, come here." "GROVER:" "There he is." "Hey, you." "Hey, get off the track now." "Come on, get back here." "Keep off the track." "Come on, get back." "Wait a minute, you don't understand." "There's a horse in this race that don't belong..." "Yeah?" "That's what they all say." "Now, get off the track." "Go behind the rail." "Hey, Wilbur." "Wilbur." "You'll have to get off the track." "Hey, that means you, too." "Keep off the track before someone puts a saddle on you." "ANNOUNCER:" "Ladies and gentlemen, we are repeating at this time, that Tea Biscuit has been entered in this race only for sentimental reasons." "Colonel Brainard advises us that his great horse is still missing, and will not run in the race." "He asks that you do not bet on Tea Biscuit." "I don't imagine anyone in this crowd anticipates throwing away $2 on a horse that isn't gonna run." "But, you know what Barnum said..." "It looks like he is in the race." "And with Wilbur riding him." "He's still the best horse, even with Wilbur up." "What am I saying?" "What am I..." "What am I waiting for?" "Hey, Warner, do you want to buy that horse that Wilbur's riding?" "I certainly do." "How do I know you'll pay?" "Well, you got my word for it." "Your word's not enough, how about a deposit?" "All right, $100?" "$100 is all right." "All right, there's your money." "Get me the nag." "You'll get it." "Come on, Princess." "Hey, where you going?" "I've gotta see a man about a horse." "(CROWD CHATTERING)" "ANNOUNCER:" "The pari-mutual windows will be closed in approximately three minutes." "There it is, you wait right here." "Hey!" "Hey, what's the great idea?" "Get back there." "No, you don't." "Not in my place here." "All right, all right, lady." "Hey, please, mister, we're just as anxious to lose our money as you are." "That's a fine mess." "Hey, I've got an idea." "ANNOUNCER:" "And they're now heading for the starting gates to cross the field." "In just one minute the pari-mutual windows will be closed." "(SCREAMS)" "(PEOPLE EXCLAIM)" "$100 on Tea Biscuit." "Tea Biscuit?" "You're nuts, he ain't running." "I know, sentimental reasons." "Well, I'm sentimental too, that's why I'm betting a hundred bucks right on his nose." "Okay, it's your dough." "(WHISTLES)" "Excuse me, folks, I gotta go now." "(CROWD MUTTERING)" "The horses are nearing the starting gate and starter Callahan is getting them in position for the big race." "Rhubarb, take it easy." "Rhubarb..." "They're having a little trouble with Rhubarb, but his jockey is calming him down, yes, and he'll be moving into position any second now." "Holy smokes!" "There's only one horse I know that's got a white mark on his left ear." "No wonder you acted like Tea Biscuit, you are Tea Biscuit." "Now I know we're going to win this race." "As you know, this is a mile and a half race, and the horses will pass the grandstand twice." "Now all the horses are in the starting gate except Happy Lady." "Let's take another quick look at the tote board before the horses are off." "Ladies and gentlemen, you look at the tote board, I see it but I don't believe it." "Some admirer of Tea Biscuit has just placed a bet of $100 on him to win regardless of the fact that the horse is not running." "No doubt Colonel Brainard made the bet himself for sentimental reasons." "Yes, sir, I think it's the first time that Tea Biscuit has been entered in the race and only one pari-mutual ticket was bought on him." "Now, back to that starting gate." "Happy Lady is standing quietly in her stall and they should be on their way any second now." "What are you doing here?" "Get off the track." "What is this, a fox hunt?" "Get off the track." "(BELL RINGS) All lined up quietly, and they're off." "That's him!" "Come on." "What's that?" "It looks like another number five is in the race." "Look, if you win this race I'll introduce you to a beautiful girl horse." "(WHISTLES)" "Come on, Wilbur." "Come on." "Get out of this race." "I'm collecting that $50,000 purse." "Think you're gonna win, huh?" "I'll show you, smarty." "(SHOUTING)" "ANNOUNCER:" "The mystery horse pulls in the lead." "Come on, Tea Biscuit." "Who is it?" "PRINCESS:" "Come on." "Hurry up." "GROVER:" "Tea biscuit." "ANNOUNCER: ...with Rhubarb in the second spot." "Whoa, boy." "Whoa, boy." "Number five's rider just lost his jockey cap and he's going back to get it." "Out of the way, out of the way." "Get out, you too." "Out of the way, somebody will get hit." "The other way!" "The horses are going this way, Wilbur." "ANNOUNCER:" "He's got it..." "Whoa, whoa horse." "And there he goes around the track riding under the horse!" "Brother, now I've seen everything." "...with Rhubarb in the lead." "Take the short cut." "There comes number five now, across the fence." "Yes, and the rider still under the horse." "Now he's steeple chasing, going over the hedges." "(ANNOUNCER CHATTERING)" "The horses are coming around the far tum now as the mystery horse leaps the fence and stands there, waiting for them." "Now hunting down toward the finish line, with number five in the lead by five lengths." "No, wait a minute, wait a minute." "He's stopping" "Look at him." "Oh... 99-1?" "Let's wait till it gets up to 100." "And they go across the finish line." "The winner, Rhubarb by a length, Passing Fancy second..." "It ain't fair, it ain't fair, I tell you," "I mean, I was only looking up..." "I did it again." "Come on, there he is." "Watch out, Princess." "Here comes Mr. Warner." "He wants to see you." "How dare you strike me with a child in my arms?" "Now wait a minute." "He wants to give you $500 for this horse." "For stealing it?" "No." "No, no, I'm giving you $500 so I can recover him." "Here's your $400, with the $100 advance I gave your partner." "That makes 500." "Thanks a lot, Mr. Warner." "And from now on, he's gonna be your horse." "He ain't mine anymore." "He was..." "Mr. Warner will introduce you to that girl horse." "What a horse!" "Must be girl crazy." "MAN 1:" "Hey, wait for us." "MAN 2:" "Hold on a minute." "Wait for us." "Come on, give Joe the money." "What for?" "Well, you know what for." "For the show." "Certainly." "Here you are, Joe, for the show." "Thanks, boys, that's great." "I've got just enough time to fly to New York and bring everyone up here." "(CROWD CHATTERING)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Ladies and gentlemen, please hold your pari-mutual tickets." "There's an inquiry into the result of the last race." "Colonel Brainard, that wasn't Rhubarb that won the race, that was Tea Biscuit." "They're holding up the mutual payoffs." "Oh, you're drunk, Shorty." "Why, I just paid that man, Warner," "$10,000 reward for returning Tea Biscuit." "Then you got gypped." "You know that broken back tooth Rhubarb has?" "Yeah." "Well, the horse that won the race ain't got it." "What?" "Get me the First National Bank," "I want to stop payment on a check, but fast." "Ladies and gentlemen, we have the results of the inquiry into the last race." "The winner was not Rhubarb." "But the track officials have asked me to announce that all those holding tickets on Rhubarb will have their money refunded." "(CROWD EXCLAIMS)" "Now don't ask me, how, when, or why, but the winner was, the one and only, Tea Biscuit." "(CHEERING)" "Wouldn't I like to be the holder of the only ticket that was bought on Tea Biscuit?" "Because that lucky gent is gonna collect himself exactly $10,000." "Fine day this has been, the greatest racehorse in the world goes to the post at 100-1, and loses the race." "Thanks to you." "I guess he was carrying too much weight." "Yeah, sure." "Look, do you see that?" "Opportunity, torn in half, and out the window." "All your fault." "I'm sorry." "Yeah, you should be sorry." "And I don't like to bawl you out like this all the time." "Don't bawl me out anymore, Grover, because every time you do, it hurts me." "I know it does." "I know it's not your fault." "I know I do a lot of wrong things." "Well, we'll forget about it." "But be a good boy from now on." "Do things right." "Then I won't have to bawl you out." "I'm gonna get up on the right side of the bed from now on." "That's the boy." "As long as you do things right... (YELLS) Now look what you're doing, there you see, you're starting it all over again." "Go answer the door." "It might be Warner." "It won't do no good." "We're signed up with Universal." "Go answer the door." "Wilbur, it's Kitty." "Let me in." "Kitty?" "Yes." "Wilbur, this is Colonel Brainard." "I'm Tea Biscuit's owner." "I'm looking for Grover Mockridge." "Grover Mockridge?" "He's not here." "He's got nothing to do with it." "Furthermore, I done it all by myself, I and I alone." "Well, if he's the gentleman who bought the $100 ticket on Tea Biscuit, he wins $10,000." "(COUGHS)" "He wins $10,000?" "When Grover hears this, he'll faint." "(THUDDING)" "He heard it." "Grover!" "Grover!" "Grover, wake up." "You're a $10,000-millionaire." "Will you go away and let me die in peace?" "You know I threw the ticket out the window." "He did, didn't he?" "Move over." "Wilbur, isn't that the ticket there?" "Wait a minute." "I got it." "Come here." "Come here." "I got it." "I got it." "I had them." "He's got them." "$10,000." "That's $20 apiece, huh?" "$20 apiece?" "I'll give you $30." "Come on." "Okay." "Thank you for the lovely present, Wilbur." "It was a pleasure, Mr. O'Hara." "Finnegan Ill is a splendid beast, and the carriage is the finest I've ever driven in me life." "Where to, gentlemen?" "The Oaks Hotel ballroom." "Don't spare the horses." "(SINGING) When you're feelin' zero, hey, there, buddy" "Are you a hero or a fuddy-duddy?" "Step inside and we'll assure you" "Though no vocal ever cured you" "You can't go wrong" "With a grateful plateful of music" "And a tuneful spoonful of song" "Let's say it with music Let's start a new style" "Hang your troubles on a rainbow Smile, buddy, smile" "Just take an old clothes pin Reach up to the sky" "Hang your troubles on a rainbow Swing into high" "Come on, let's all sing a toast" "To the ones we love the most" "To Tom, Dick and Harry" "And the Yankee girls they're gonna marry" "I'm bettin' on blue skies A hundred to one" "Hang your troubles on a rainbow" "Tip your heart to the sun" "Well, Warner, lucky for us you're in the money again." "Well, a blind sow picks up an acorn now and then." "Mr. Warner, it seems that you and I have made a serious mistake." "The horse you returned to us was not Tea Biscuit." "What?" "Naturally, under the circumstances, we've had to stop the $10,000 check we gave you." "It seems we had Tea Biscuit in our stables all the time." "Isn't that amusing?" "And I already gave those three hoodlums their cut." "I've been robbed." "Look here, you tricked me." "You sold me the wrong horse." "I didn't even know it was the wrong horse." "You bought the horse he rode." "The lad's quite right." "Let me explain." "Never mind about trying to explain anything to me," "I don't even know you." "I'm out $7,000, and you guys have got it." "Now I want it." "Try and get it." "Look, you're the cause of the whole thing." "You sold me the horse." "I'll get my money back if I have to take it out of your hide." "Hide?" "Yes, hide." "That's an excellent suggestion." "You're it." "WILBUR:" "Gangway!" "Gangway!" "Gangway!" "Get up." "Hurry up." "(PEOPLE LAUGHING)" "Come here, come here." "Hurry up." "I know where to hide." "Take these." "(EXCLAIMING)" "(SINGING) Instead of ambling along" "To a Tin Pan Alley song" "Let's stand up and choose a military march by Sousa" "Come here." "Come here." "Wait a minute, Mr. Warner, don't get excited." "See here, I gave you fellows $500 for that horse and you won $10,000 on it." "That's my money, and I want it." "Mr. Warner, we'll toss you for it." "That's fair enough with me." "Toss me for it." "Okay, Grover." "All right." "Hey, wait..." "How do you think he landed?" "Heads or tails?" "Who cares?" "That's what I say." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Am I lucky." "Rubber." "Good rubber." "Hats off to Old Glory" "Salute it in style" "Rally round a smile" "And hang your troubles on a rainbow"