"Our vagabond camera takes us to beautiful Washington D.C., the national capital of our United States, situated on the broad banks of the Potomac River." "Living is pleasant and leisurely." "For it is a city of formality and custom." "Manners and courtesy are responsible for the well-ordered conduct of its daily affairs." "The many fine restaurants of Washington are the delight of the epicurean and the gourmet, where one may enjoy to the full the rare dishes of the old South." "Washington's beautiful homes have the quiet dignity of another day." "Our trip would be incomplete if we neglected to visit the quiet, staid, and dignified residential section." "It is with pride that we view hospitable Washington, friendly Washington, welcoming us to her doorstep, eagerly throwing wide her doors." "I'm sorry, there are no vacancies." "Positively no vacancies." "I have a reservation." "Oh, well, pardon me." "Uh, what was the name, sir?" "Benjamin Dingle." "Senator Noonan made the reservation." "Well, just a moment, Mr. Dingle." "Oh, yes, we have the reservation." "Good." "Senator Noonan engaged a suite beginning the 24th." "This is only the 22nd." "You're two days early." "Anything wrong with being two days early?" "Why no, sir." "Everybody ought to be two days early." "When this nation gets two days early, we'll be getting somewhere." "Yes, sir, but unfortunately, this suite won't be vacated until day after tomorrow." "Can you connect me with Senator Noonan?" "The senator is out of town." "When will he be back?" "Well, he was due back, uh, day before yesterday, but he's..." "He's, uh..." "Two days late." "Yes, sir." "Well, when Senator Noonan gets back late, tell him I was here early." "Yes, sir." "Are all you people here in answer to the ad in the paper about the apartment?" "Sure, I am, sir." "I'll take it." "I'm sorry, but the apartment is all rented." "What do you mean, rented?" "Why, it isn't 5:00 yet." "I'm very sorry, but the apartment is all rented." "If there should be another vacancy, there'll be another ad." "May I ask why you put us to the bother of coming here?" "No, you may not." "Well, good day." "You know what Admiral Farragut said:" ""Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead." ""Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead." "How do you do?" "How do you do?" "I'm Benjamin Dingle." "You certainly are." "I'm about the apartment." "I'm sorry, I've already rented it." "Just a moment, young lady." "Do you think you know me well enough to lie to me?" "Yes." "Even so, you shouldn't do it." "Do you realize that practically most of the trouble in the world comes from people lying to people." "Just take Hitler for instance." "He's the..." "I'm sorry, mister, but I'd prefer..." "Mr. Dingle." "Mr. Dingle, I'd prefer sharing my apartment with a lady." "That's fine, so would I. Um," "I'm sure you'll be happier some place else." "I've been there." "Now look, please, we've..." "Think of my position." "I can't go around just renting my apartment to anybody." "I'm not just anybody." "Besides, I'm only doing it due to the housing congestion in Washington." "You said it." "I..." "I think it's my patriotic duty to take somebody in, because everything is so overcrowded." "I'm overcrowded." "Why don't you go to the YMCA?" "I'm too old." " Or the..." "The veteran's home." " Too young." "Well, I don't know what to sugg..." "Sooner or later, I'm gonna rent half of this apartment." "Suppose I have a look at it, eh?" "Say, you're pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?" "Once upon a time." "I..." "Really, you wouldn't be happy here at all." "Home is where you hang your hat." "This way?" "Now, listen..." "Just looking, just looking." "It's no use, your looking, because I've made up my mind to rent to nobody but a woman." "Let me ask you something." "Would I ever want to wear your stockings?" "No." "All right." "Would I ever want to borrow your girdle or your red and yellow dancing slippers?" "Of course not." "Any woman, no matter who, would insist upon borrowing that dress you've got on right now." "You know why?" "Because it's so pretty." "I made it myself." "Then how would you like it if she spilled a cocktail all over it at a party you couldn't go with her to, because she'd borrowed it to go to it in?" "She might have something that I could wear." "Not her." "Why not?" "Because she's so dumpy looking." "Never has anything clean." "That's why she's always borrowing your dresses." "How do I know you'd be any better?" "Well, look at me." "I'm neat, like a pin." "Ah, let me stay." "Well, look, I can't..." "I'll tell you what." "We'll try it out for a week." "End of the week comes, if you're not happy, we'll flip a coin to see who moves out." "Who is it?" "Me, of course." "Come in, of course." "Here's your copy of the..." "Here's a copy of the morning schedule." "Huh?" "The morning schedule." "Oh, the morning schedule." "Yes, it's a matter of efficiency." "You just follow this, and we won't have any trouble." "Here, I'll show you." "You see this is the floor plan of the apartment." "Here's, uh, my room, here's your room, here's the bathroom, and here's the kitchen." "Now, my alarm goes off at 7:00, and we both get up." "And at 7:01, I enter the bathroom." "Then you go down to get the milk and, by 7:05, you've started the coffee." "One minute later, I leave the bathroom, and a minute after that, you enter the bathroom." "Now, that's when I'm starting to dress." "Three minutes later, I am having my coffee and, a minute after that, at 7:12, you leave the bathroom." "At 7:13, I put on my eggs, and I leave to finish dressing." "Then, you put on your shoes and take off my eggs at 7:16." "At 7:17, you start to shave." "At 7:18, I eat my eggs and, at 7:21, I'm in the bathroom, fixing my hair and, at 7:24, you're in the kitchen, putting on your eggs." "At 7:25, you make your bed." "7:26, I make my bed." "Then, while you're eating your eggs," "I take out the papers and cans." "At 7:29, you're washing the dishes and, at 7:30, we're all finished." "You see?" "It's really very simple." "Do we do all this railroad time or eastern war time?" "When you hear my alarm go off, you'll know it's 7:00." "You're a very systematic girl, aren't you?" "I used to work in the Office of Facts and Figures." "Good night." "Miss Milligan." "By the way, why aren't you married, Miss Milligan?" "Well, really!" "Some high type, clean-cut, nice, young fellow." "If you don't mind, Mr. Dingle." "Of course, there's not many men about nowadays, but there's always one if you're out to get one." "Maybe I don't want to get married." "Well, don't you?" "Well..." "Or maybe you do." "Well..." "Come, come, Miss Milligan." "Make up your mind." "Make up my mind?" "You know, "Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead!"" "That's what Admiral Farragut said." "Of all times, Miss Milligan, this is no time to be indecisive, in." "If you expect to get along here, Mr. Dingle, you'll have to learn to mind your own business." "In these days, Miss Milligan, everybody's business is everybody's business." "War brings people closer together, you know." "Not you and me, Mr. Dingle." "Good night." "Mind your own business." "Who was in his own room minding his own business when who else but you, of course, came in?" "One more thing." "Uh, we'd better not leave the apartment together in the morning." "You mean, because people might think?" "Well, not exactly." "But people are so..." "Me?" "Of course." "Thank you, Miss Milligan." "I thank you indeed." "Good night." "Good night." "♪ Jimmy Doolittle flew over the seas" "♪ He wanted a nip at the Nipponese" "♪ Cleared a cloud and looked below" "♪ Said, by golly, there's Tok-y-o" "♪ Oh, Jimmy Doolittle" "♪ He understood" "♪ He do-ed his duty" "♪ And he do-ed it good ♪ Somewhere Jimmy had heard it said" "♪ Somewhere Jimmy had heard it said" "♪ Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead" "♪ Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead" "♪ Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead" "Mr. Dingle?" "Mr. Dingle?" "Yes, Miss Milligan?" "Do you smoke in bed?" "No, I sleep in bed." "Do I smell smoke?" "Only the smoke of burning memories, Miss Milligan, rising from the smoldering embers of my romantic youth." "Do you keep a diary, Miss Milligan?" "No, I don't." "Of course not." "Why do you ask?" "There are two kinds of people." "Those who don't do what they want to do, so they write down in a diary about what they haven't done." "And those who are too busy to write about it because they're out doing it." "♪ Full steam ahead" "Hello?" "Hello, oh." "Good morning." "You've got a terrible disposition in the morning, haven't you?" "Good morning." "No." "No, what?" "Bring in the milk." "Good morning." "What are you doing out there?" "Come in." "The paper!" "Oh, the paper." "Oh, my mistake." "The paper." "Miss Milligan." "Miss Milligan." "Miss Milligan." "It's me, Mr. Dingle." "You locked me out." "Paper." "Coffee." "All right." "Mr. Dingle." "Mr. Dingle, do you have the coffee?" "Oh, the coffee." "Yes, yes, coming." "Coffee." "Right along." "Coming right along." ""Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead."" "Coffee, coffee." "Coffee." "There we are." "Merci." "There's a war going on, Miss Milligan." "Get dressed, Mr. Dingle." "Stick to the schedule." "Oh, yes get dressed, Mr. Dingle." "Get dressed, Mr. Dingle." "Get dressed." "Mr. Dingle?" "Yes, Miss Milligan?" "Don't forget to make your bed." "Oh, yes." "Make the bed, make the bed." "Make the bed, make the bed." "Make the bed, oh, yes." "Make the bed." "Make the bed." "Where are the pants?" "Where are my pants?" "Where are those pants?" "Um, Mr. Dingle, it's 7:30." "Bathroom." "If you're going downtown this morning, meet me downstairs at 7:32." "I share a ride with Miss Hopkins at 7:32." "We mustn't keep her waiting, because at 7:34, we pick up Miss Ledbetter." "Then at 7:37, we pick up Miss Taylor and Miss Johannes." "Oh, my lunch." "Mr. Dingle." "Yes, Miss Milligan." "Do you care to ride?" "Well, I have plenty of time." "If you don't mind," "I think I'll just roll downtown." "Well, have it your own way." "Good morning." "♪ He scooped out a turnip to make him a one" "Are you here about the apartment?" "You look like a high type, clean-cut, nice, young fella." "No, it's not rented, come in." "It's really only half of half of an apartment, but it's not rented." "Good." "What's your name?" "Carter." "Bill Carter?" "Joe Carter." "I used to know a fellow named Bill Carter." "It wasn't me." "Don't you suppose I know that?" "What did you ask for, then?" "I guess I know what Bill Carter looked like." "Not like me." "Oh, then you know Bill Carter?" "No, I don't, but he sounds like a great guy." "In here." "Hmm, who's in here with me?" "Me." "How much?" "Well, half of mine." "Six dollars a week." "I'll take it." "About time you made up your mind." "Five, six." "How long you going to be in town?" "Only a week." "That's too bad." "Why?" "Eight girls to every fella." "So they say." "So it is." "How long you been here?" "Hmm, not long." "What do you do?" "I'm a well-to-do retired millionaire." "How about you?" "Same." "Say, what's that?" "A part of an airplane?" "A new type of garden bench." "It looks like a propeller." "It does?" "What brought you here, Mr. Carter?" " Railroad." " No, I mean, what's your job?" "I'm a mechanic." "I work in a baby carriage factory." "Where?" "California." "San Francisco?" "Burbank." "Baby carriage factory, eh?" "Yep." "Tokyo baby carriage corporation." "Plain and fancy baby carriages for carrying babies to Tokyo." "Maybe you think this is none of my business." "Maybe I do." "Probably your name isn't even Bill Carter." "Probably not." "It's probably Joe Carter." "Well, I'll take this one." "Have you an alarm clock?" "Yeah, how about a key?" "Key?" "Thanks." "Good night, kids." "Hello, Milligan." "I'm Dingle." "Hello, excuse me." "Come in." "Only one "L" in Dingle." "You must have been shopping." "Let me help you." "Thank you." "There you are, Miss Milligan." "Miss Milligan, I've got something to tell you." "Mr. Dingle, I've been thinking about it a great deal today." "And I don't know how you'll take it." "It just won't work, that's all." "You'll have to give up your half of the apartment." "What's that?" "I can't have a man here." "Well, as a matter of fact..." "Now, I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind." "Now, listen to me." "You have to leave, first thing in the morning." "Say, what's the matter with you, anyway?" "Nothing." "I..." "I guess I'm just a bit jumpy, that's all." "Well, just calm down." "You're making me jumpy, too." "It's all right." "It's nothing at all." "Sorry." "Hey." "Come here a minute." "What's the matter, Milligan?" "Dingle." "Now listen, Bill..." "Joe." "Listen, Joe." "Yeah?" "I've got something I've got to ask you." "What?" "Well, you might think it a bit personal." "Well, that's all right." "Never mind." "I'll tell you later, it's all right." "It's all right." "I'll tell you later." "Mr. Dingle?" "Yes?" "Did I leave my comb in there?" "No." "Oh!" "Never mind." "Hey, did you say something?" "Water." "Yes?" "Oh, I thought you'd finished." "Be through in a minute." "No hurry." "Just a minute." "That's all right." "No hurry." "All right?" "All right." "How did they get here?" "Bill." "Bill." "You, uh, looking for someone?" "Who are you?" "How did you get in here?" "Well, I live here." "Since when?" "Since this morning." "You don't by any chance happen to know a gentleman by the name of Mr. Benjamin Dingle, do you?" "Meaning me, Miss Milligan?" "Yes, I mean you." "What do you have to say for yourself?" "Have you met my friend, Joe Carter?" "I just met Joe Carter." "Oh, fine fella." "Mr. Dingle, answer me this, who was it located and leased this apartment?" "Who was it made the..." "The landlord repaper and repaint it?" "Who was it bought furniture and drapes, and made rag rugs, and who considers this apartment her home?" "You." "All right then, answer me this, who was it allowed you to sublet half of her apartment against her better judgment?" "You." "Then why do you go behind my back and rent my apartment to this..." "This..." "Him?" "But I only rented half of my half." "Otherwise, my friend Joe here would have had to sleep in the park." "Otherwise, your friend Joe here is gonna woulda have to sleep in the park anyway." "And you, too." "Now out." "Out." "Both of you." "Wait a minute." "I'm paid up for the week." "I gave him six bucks." "Well, give him back his six bucks!" "Well, I had to send some telegrams, and..." "And I'm not going to move till I get my six bucks." "Give him a check." "No checks." "Now, look here." "I don't owe you the six bucks." "He owes you the six bucks." "Now, listen, Miss Milligan." "I paid you $12 for a week's rent, and I've only been here one night." "Now you give me back the difference, and I'll have the money to pay him with." "That solves it." "Yes." "Only, well, I bought a hat." "You bought a hat." "Where's my money?" "In her hat." "It is not." "It's in his pocket, only he hasn't got it." "Say, what do you think you're doing?" "Just looking at the hat." "It's pretty, isn't it?" "You've got a nerve." "It looks pretty on her, too, doesn't it?" "Oh, it does not." "That isn't even the way it goes on." "Now, where were we?" "Looking for my six bucks." "Well, I told you that I..." "Now, look." "You don't think that I'm gonna..." "All right." "Stay." "But just one week." "Remember." "Come on, I'll show you the schedule." "What schedule?" "For the steeplechase in the morning." "Bill." "Bill." "Huh?" "Oh." "Joe." "7:00, Joe." "Get up, get up." "Oh!" "Thanks." "Hello, Milligan." "Dingle." "Oh, Dingle." "Get the schedule, Joe." "Schedule, schedule, schedule, where is it?" "Here it is." "Schedule." "Ah, we're right on time." "One, two, three, go." "Good morning." "Good morning." "What's for breakfast?" "You've had your breakfast." "When?" "7:07 a.m." "I guess we're kinda off schedule." "What are you gawking at?" "You." "You look nice." "I hope I haven't upset your routine here." "Just stick to the schedule." "That's all I ask." "It's rather nice having a high type, clean-cut, nice, young fellow at the table." "Better than nobody." "I'm used to nobody." "You ought to have some high times here, Joe." "Young fellows don't come a dime a dozen in Washington." "Eight girls to every fella." "Yeah, only I haven't got time for that." "I'm only gonna be in Washington only a week." "Where're you going to?" "Where you came from?" "Where they send me." "Who's they?" "The Government." "Too bad you're not going to be here regular." "One less fella for the girls to look at." "Like I told you, eight girls..." "Yeah, well, you're wasting your conversation." "I'm not interested." "Yes, but the girls are, eh, Miss Milligan?" "Those that haven't any men friends are, I suppose, but in the case of a girl who's engaged to be married..." "Engaged?" "You?" "Mr. Pendergast and I expect to be married in the very near future." "Pendergast?" "Charles J. Pendergast." "Who's he?" "Hasn't he got something to do with the housing plan?" "He most certainly has." "He just happens to be the Assistant Regional Coordinator of O.P.L., that's all." "Is that good or bad?" "Eighty-six hundred dollars a year." "That's good." "Furthermore, he's the youngest man ever to occupy the position of Regional Coordinator of O.P.L." "How old is he?" "Only 42." "Forty-two?" "Only 42." "Forty-two is a very safe, sane age." "When a man has reached 42, he knows something." "Like Mr. Pendergast." "He's an important man." "How long you been engaged?" "Two years, I bet." "Twenty-two months." "That's a long time for a girl to stick to one guy." "That depends on whether she's engaged to be married or just engaged." "Why'd you wait so long?" "Mr. Pendergast and I felt it would be an unwise step to take in these times, with world conditions so unsettled." "World conditions are so unsettled, Miss Milligan, because people won't settle on things." "They ought to stop pondering and push ahead." ""Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead."" "That's what Admiral Farragut said." "Yeah, that was in mobile bay." "You said that yesterday, Mr. Dingle." "And I meant it yesterday, Miss Milligan." "Mr. Pendergast and I don't need your advice." "What'd you say his first name was?" "Charles J." "Well, don't you ever call him by it?" "Like Charlie or Chuck or something?" "Call Mr. Pendergast "Charlie"?" "Sure, why not?" "Of course, you don't realize that Mr. Pendergast is the type man who has twice been to the White House to dinner." "Worst food in Washington." "With the President?" "Yes." "I'll bet the President's wife calls him by his first name sometimes." "You look messy." "Don't you ever brush your hair?" "I suppose Mr. Pendergast combs his hair every hour on the hour." "Mr. Pendergast has no hair." "This project illustrates my point." "If the employees are housed near the plants in which they work, a full working day can be saved each week." "Yes, he's right." "Time is the one thing we cannot manufacture, but we can make speed." "That's true." "And if this committee will cut all the red tape and give me permission to go ahead," "I'll get things done." "That's the spirit." "That's the spirit." "Senator Noonan." "What is it?" "What Mr. Dingle proposes is impossible." "There are contractual obligations that have to be cleared up." "Then let whoever has to clear them up, clear them up while we're clearing up the ground around those defense plants for buildings." "We must do away with all forms and obligations." "Cut out all the red tape!" ""Full speed ahead!"" "That's the spirit." "I'd like to call to Mr. Dingle's attention, that article 847532 states that the laws of a community must regulate the construction in that community." "Now, that's a fact in Pennsylvania and New Jersey." "You said you represent the O.P.L., didn't you?" "Precisely." "I didn't catch your name." "Pendergast." "Not Charles J. Pendergast?" "That's correct." "By golly, I should have known it." ""I'm out to get the leopard lady single-handed."" ""Bang!" "The door opens."" ""Face to face with the leopard lady, herself."" ""You have arrived as I expected, Mr. Tracy." ""Now, I will make a bargain with you."" ""What fiendish plan have you now?"" ""With the death ray ours," ""we can conquer and rule the world." ""You and I, Dick Tracy."" ""Count me out of your plan, leopard lady," ""for I mean to bring you to justice."" ""Have you forgotten that I have the death ray?"" ""But without my help, it is powerless."" ""Perhaps some boiling oil on your back" ""will persuade you to help me."" "Gosh!" "That Dick Tracy is sure playing with dynamite." "Sure is." "Is that the best you can do with your time?" "Gotta keep up with what's going on." "I missed two Sundays with Superman once, and I've never felt right since." "It seems to me you might read something more beneficial." "Like what?" "Like the editorials, for instance, or the columns." "All well-informed people read the columnists." "Such as Mr. Pendergast, I suppose." "You're right, I suppose." "Mr. Pendergast always reads the columnists." "Are they funny?" "Sometimes, but no pictures." "Oh, darn!" "Hand me that section, will you?" "I want to see if anyone I know is being born today." "Hey, listen to this." "Born, today, to Mr. and Mrs. Charles J. Pendergast, a son." "Mrs. Pendergast, the former Constance Milligan, is doing nicely." "Mr. Pendergast is doing all right, too." "He gets $8,600 a year." "The baby arrived three minutes ahead of schedule, so Mr. Pendergast refused delivery." "Funny." "Very, very funny." "Here, I'll help you." "This conversation is much too witty for me, so, if you don't mind, I'll just leave you two up here to laugh at each other's jokes." "What did I say?" "Any minute now, you might say something so funny" "I might laugh myself to death." "Well, I never said a thing." "Maybe I said something." "If you aren't too weak from laughing, you might bring these things with you when you come down." "What's she mad about?" "Because you and the man she's engaged to are not anything alike, and he oughta be." "You were right, Mr. Dingle." "A diary." "Hey, I wouldn't fool with that if I were you." "Say, she's not mad with you." "She likes you." "You're nuts." "Says you're dumb, but cute." "She's no bargain herself." "Well, smart enough to get you going." "I don't even know she's alive." "How come, then, last night you said her name in your sleep?" "I did not." "I did?" "Take my word." "Well, a guy's apt to say anything in his sleep." "Maybe I was hollering at her." "No, you were cooing." "Like this." "Connie!" "Ah, you make me sick." "Connie!" "All right, all right." "Hey, she says you're good company and nice to have around." "No fooling, boy." "I'd put that away if I were you." "She says you've turned out to be a high type, clean-cut, nice, young fella." "She does?" "She says that..." "Found your diary kicking about." "You ought to be careful, Miss Milligan." "You never know what kind of people are hanging around." "I told you, you shouldn't have done that." "Now what're you going to do?" "Going to find out what she's going to do." "You'd better go in and square yourself." "Go ahead." "You remember that stuff about the torpedoes." "Miss Milligan." "Connie!" "Connie." "I brought your things down." "That was a miserable thing to do." "If there's anything that's cheap and..." "And..." "Contemptible." "And contemptible, it's being caught reading somebody else's diary." "If I caught anyone reading my..." "And you had to read it in front of him." "Connie, I was hardly listening." "There are some things that are private, Mr. Dingle, and..." "And when people go poking their nose in, it's just too much, that's all." "And you have a very long nose, Mr. Dingle." "I've tried to put up with you, but you've been nothing..." "Doing nothing but pry and meddle ever since you've been here." "So, you just better go pack up your things, and when I get home from work tomorrow night, you'd better be moved out, once and for all." "The both of you!" "Oh, it's you." "I thought the arrangements were that you..." "Yeah, yeah, well, I didn't have time to pack this morning." "I had to go get my orders, so I came back to pack now." "As long as I'm here," "I might as well give you this." ""Miss Milligan, I have moved out," ""but I wish to exonerate Joseph Carter," ""my former roommate in the south-half of 2B," ""of all implications of responsibility" ""in being caught reading your diary." ""The fault is entirely mine," ""and Joseph Carter even protested my disgraceful action" ""as follows: 'Oh I would not do that if I were you.'" ""And wouldn't, either, because he's such a high type, clean-cut, nice..."" "Yeah, yeah, well, you can skip all that." ""I am, etc., etc.," ""Benjamin Dingle."" "I'd like that for my files." "What's the fixed-up a... alibi for?" "What, are you kidding?" "Does this sound like me or Dingle?" "Well, how do I know you didn't write it?" "You don't." "Well, if he wrote it, how do I know it's the truth?" "You don't." "Only, it's the truth." "Well, I don't know what to believe." "Yeah, well, I'm moving out anyway, so..." "Just to show you there's no hard feelings," "I'd like to give you this." "But why?" "Peace offering." "Oh, you didn't have to do that." "Oh, it's nothing much, just a sort of genuine top-grain, cowhide traveling bag" "with all accessories." "This gadget drops down." "Oh, isn't that lovely?" "Yeah, all these things that fit it in here." "Here you have..." "A mask." "I guess you'd know." "Well, I don't know what that's for." "Oh, look." "Then it has the, uh, double locks." "Here." "Oh, it smells so good." "Oh, be careful." "No, no." "No, no, you can't hurt." "Are you sure?" "Sure." "It has the special 18 inch hinge, the man said, built in." "Here's all the different things here you can do with it." "Double lock." "This is for magazines and things, you see." "Yeah." "Oh." "Smell!" "Isn't that lovely?" "Oh, I..." "I couldn't take it." "Mr. Pendergast would object." "And he'd have a perfect right to." "Just call it a wedding present and take it on your honeymoon." "Oh, I..." "I couldn't take one man's bag on another man's honeymoon." "Well, just keep it at home then." "Look I got your initial put on it." ""C" for Constance." "You shouldn't have done that." "Well, I didn't. "C" stands for "Carter," too." "I really bought it for myself, but the Government won't let me take it where I'm going, so you might as well keep it." "Silly!" "Look, Connie," "I want to give it to you." "Will it kill you to do me a favor and keep it?" "All I'm asking is that you accept, as a gift, no strings attached, one genuine cowhide traveling bag." "Will you, please?" "Well, I'm so embarrassed, I..." "Please." "All right." "Oh, it's really beautiful." "No strings attached." "Now, I've got to go." "Oh, here are the keys." "Where are you going?" "Back to California?" "No, Africa." "Ask me no questions." "It's a military secret." "Certain Government regulations, and they just won't let you tell people things like that." "I know there are a lot of things that ought to be explained, but I'll write you about it." "When are you leaving?" "In a couple of days." "For Africa in two days?" "Sure." "You can't go with that on your face." "Where are you going now?" "Oh, I'll look for another place." "For just two days?" "Sure." "Can't sleep in the park." "Don't you think it's kinda silly to move just for two days?" "You mean?" "Oh, boy!" "Yeah, that's swell." "Because, you know, when I get there, they're liable to ask me where I spent my last two days and, if I said I'd spent my last two days looking for a place, they're liable to think I'm a dope." "Yes, I guess they would." "You know, guys like that, they're liable to expect a fella to spend his last two days going places and seeing the town." "Sure." "Well, thanks for the bag." "I mean, with somebody." "Oh, yeah." "Well, thanks for the bag." "Thanks for the bag." "Say, do you think we could go out together and have dinner tonight?" "Say, do you think we could go out together and have dinner tonight?" "You forget I'm engaged and, uh, I don't think he'd like it." "No, he wouldn't." "Furthermore, I think I have a date with him tonight." "Well, that fixes that." "Uh, Mr. Carter, what time have you?" "7:30." "Well, he's supposed to call at 8:00, you see, and sometimes he gets into a conference, and he can't even telephone, so if that happens, naturally the date is off." "So I'll wait for him till 8:00 and, if he doesn't call, well, then I guess it would be all right, because, well, you're going to be here such a short time, and..." "And you're working for the Government, and it's everyone's patriotic duty to do..." "Maybe it's the wrong number." "Hello." "Oh, it's you." "Oh, well, what's the matter with you?" "I've got a cold." "Oh, that's too bad." "Oh, you really ought to do something about that." "Yeah, take care of yourself." "Do something." "Oh, just a minute." "It's, uh, for you." "Mr. Dingle." "Hello." "Bill?" "No, Joe." "Yes, well, you sound awful." "You better take something for that." "How about going out to dinner with me tonight?" "I don't know whether I can or not." "I won't know till 8:00." "I think I have a date." "Yeah, well, if I don't, I'll meet you there." "Okay, Mill..." "Dingle." "Well, I think I'd better get dressed." "Okay." "Excuse me." "Boy, you look lovely." "Oh, thank you." "It's 8:00." "Is it?" "And our friend hasn't phoned, has he?" "No." "Well, in that case..." "Well, in that case, I think it might be all right." "That can't be Mr. Pendergast, he always phones from downstairs." "He does?" "Yes." "Hello, Miss Milligan." "Could I see you, please, for a few minutes?" "It's very important." "It's about a decision I have to make." "Could I see you for a few minutes, alone, please?" "Couldn't it wait until tomorrow?" "Oh, no, it can't wait till tomorrow." "It's important." "Who's this?" "This is my fellow." "He lives downstairs." "How do you do, Mr. Pendergast." "My name's Morton Rodakiewicz." "I gotta see you alone." "Excuse me." "I'll just be a minute." "Now, what is it you want to tell me, because I'm in a terrible hurry." "Do I want to join the boy scouts, or don't I?" "Well, of course you do." "But I'm not the camp-craft type." "So should I join because I don't like hunting and fishing and hiking and camp-craft, and ought to?" "Or should I not join because I don't like hunting and fishing and hiking, a... and camp-craft." "Well, yes, definitely." "It's some problem." "A person should know if he's the camp-craft type." "Morton, I'll be terribly disappointed if you don't go and join the boy scouts tonight, right now." "I'll do it." "Only I can't do it tonight because it's too late, but tomorrow I'll do it." "Oh, your phone is off the hook." "Here, I'll fix it." "There, there's my good deed for today." "Already I'm a boy scout." "Will you be disappointed in me if I wait until tomorrow?" "No, Morton." "Oh, that's good." "Oh, your phone's ringing." "It's ringing there." "Thank you, Morton." "So long." "Hello." "Yes, Charles." "How are you feeling?" "Why, I feel wonderful." "Oh, you do." "Well, um, I'll be right down." "That's my date." "I'm so sorry." "Have a good time." "Thank you." "You have a good time, too." "Have a good time." "Thank you, Morton." "Hey, what're you looking at?" "At Capitol dome." "You ought not to be looking out of those spy glasses." "Scram." "You can get in awful serious trouble doing that." "Knock off, will you?" "Everybody is giving their spy glasses to the navy." "I read it in a paper." "Why don't you give your spy glasses to the navy, too?" "Because I'm a Jap." "Two." "It'll be a couple of moments before I have a table for you, gentlemen." "There's plenty of room at the bar." "I've come to the conclusion that we ought to get married right away." "You have?" "Yes, I have." "We've put it off long enough." "From now on it's "Full steam ahead."" "That is, with reservations." "What did I tell you?" "Eight to every fella." "What did I tell you?" "I'm not interested." "Cheer up, Joe." "We're out for a good time." "Well, I thought you said something about world conditions being so unsettled and..." "Exactly, there's no reason for us to be unsettled, too." "How about this Saturday afternoon?" "We have half a holiday." "I'll apply for the license tomorrow." "Why..." "Why, we can be back at work bright and early, Monday morning." "Gentlemen, I have your table for you now." "Oh, good." "Thanks." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Pendergast." "How do you do, Mr. Dingle?" "Well, well, well, this is a happy coincidence." "Joe!" "Joe, come here, come here." "Meet my friend, Joe Carter." "Joe, this is Charles J. Pendergast." "How do you do?" "How do you do?" "This is my fiancee, Miss Milligan." "Mr. Dingle, Mr. Carter." "Delighted, Miss Milligan." "Hello." "Why I, uh..." "How do you do?" "Mr. Carter." "Won't you sit down?" "Yeah, sit down, Joe." "Here, have this chair." "I seem to feel we've met somewhere before, Miss Milligan." "No, I guess not." "I guess not, too." "Mr. Dingle is in Washington to discuss the housing plan." "Oh, indeed." "I suppose you're crowded like everyone else in Washington?" "Yes, I'm crowded like nobody else." "Then you realize what a problem we're up against." "Yes, Joe." "There are cases on record where two and three people have practically been forced to live in the same room." "No." "Yes." "I tell you the condition is deplorable." "Kind of cozy, though, don't you think?" "Mr. Carter," "I lie awake nights just worrying about the situation." "No." "Little do you know how much you've got to worry about." "Oh, yes, I do!" "Oh, no, you don't." "Oh, yes, I do." "Oh, no, you don't." "Why, at the present time, at least 30,0004-party units could be absorbed just by the incoming populace alone." "I wonder how many single-party units it would take to relieve the present situation." "Can you guess?" "I don't have to guess." "I know. 187,683." "Have you facts and figures to substantiate..." "I certainly have." "Well, well." "Say, why don't you two young people go and dance while Charlie and I talk this thing over?" "Oh, but I don't think..." "Charles?" "I suppose it's all right." "Can you figure the same way on a 3-party unit plan?" "That music, it, uh, disturbs me." "I can't concentrate." "My boy, you don't know how you've simplified this whole problem for everyone concerned." "Come up to my suite where you can concentrate." "We'll have this thing all ready to present to the board tomorrow morning." "Come on." "We'll roll up our sleeves and get busy." "Take good care of Miss Milligan." "Don't worry." "I'll be back, Constance." "I..." "Who taught you to rumba?" "Some girl, I'll bet." "Was she nice?" "Not half as nice as you." "Why, Connie, hello." "Oh, hello." "How are you?" "Oh, I'm fine, I guess." "Miss Allen, Miss Bilby, Mr. Carter." "How do you do, Mr. Carter?" "Have you been in Washington long, Mr. Carter?" "Well, as a matter of fact..." "Where you from, Mr. Carter?" "I'm from..." "Mr. Carter is from California." "Oh, Hollywood?" "Burbank." "Oh, you couldn't be in the P-38 Interceptor Business, could you?" "No." "Potatoes, that's my line." "Mr. Carter is only going to be..." "You're a farmer." "Burbank potatoes." "Hello, Betty." "Oh, hello." "Uh, Miss Milligan, Mr. Carter, Miss Hopper..." "How do you do?" "...Miss Chasen, Miss Bilby, Miss Ewing, Miss Dalton." "How do you do?" "This is Miss finch, Miss Dalton, Miss Goesekin, Miss Harper, Mr. Carter." "How do you do?" "Miss Allen, Miss Goesekin, Miss Finch, Mr. Carter." "How do you do?" "I'm Miss Milligan." "Oh!" "Well." "Miss Milligan?" "Yes." "You're wanted on the telephone." "Oh, thank you." "Excuse me." "Could you show me where the telephone is, please?" "Oh, it's, uh, right this way, miss." "Oh, thank you." "Over here." "Yes, I think so." "Oh, well, won't you sit down?" "Oh, yes, thank you." "Move over, Casey." "You mean you're not coming back at all?" "Mr. Dingle says that Mr. Carter will be glad to take you home." "Mr. Dingle says that you won't be taking Mr. Carter very much out of his way." "Oh, it isn't out of his way at all." "You know your eyes are blue like the color of your necktie, aren't they?" "Oh, they are not." "They're gray like his shirt." "Let's see, oh, no, I think they're hazel." "Oh, honey, they're blue!" "I say they're gray." "They're blue." "Mr. Pendergast phoned and said he would like you to take me home." "Well, you don't have to if you don't want to because I..." "I couldn't let you go alone." "Well, look, you could always come back later, you know, if you want to." "Oh, no!" "Who's "we"?" "Oh, my mother and father and my sister." "Then, on Sundays, we generally go down to the beach." "What beach?" "Pacific Ocean beach." "Oh, who goes?" "Whole gang." "Like who?" "Oh, like Bob Rowe, Bill Weidemeyer, and Jeff York." "Well, don't you ever go with any girls?" "Of course." "Well, who?" "Helen Tuttle." "Is she your girl?" "I just go with her." "Long time?" "No, just..." "Just a girl I know." "Is she your girl?" "No, I just go with her." "Is she attractive?" "I guess so." "Well, who did you go with before that?" "Oh." "Elsie." "How long?" "A couple months." "What happened?" "She wanted to get married." "Well, what happened?" "She got married." "Who did you go with before that?" "Martha and Adele, I think." "What happened to them?" "I still go with them." "Are you afraid to get married or something?" "No." "But, well, I..." "I don't want to get involved." "Well, uh, they say that's what happens to a man when he gets married." "Yeah, well, marriage is okay, if you want to be." "I expect to be very happy." "You do?" "Yes." "I consider myself a very lucky little lady." "How's that?" "Being engaged to Mr. Pendergast." "Oh, yeah." "$8,600 a year." "Oh, that's a lot of money." "It sure is." "Especially if, uh, people are highly intelligent like Mr. Pen..." "Pendergast and know how to budget and... and plan." "Sure." "Uh, we're planning very carefully." "Yeah, that's the way to do it, all right." "Take my engagement ring." "Don't you think it's nice?" "Not gaudy, I mean." "You bet." "Well, we..." "We thought, Mr. Pendergast and I, that it would be better to get a conservative ring and put that extra money into our home, you see." "That's the way to do it, all right." "We found a..." "A lovely little house in Georgetown." "For after the emergency, of course." "Sure." "Mr. Pendergast is so busy now that he just doesn't have time to think of it even." "I can understand that." "Why, just last week, one evening, he had a dinner conference with Leon M." "Henderson and Donald" "M. Nelson." "Leon Henderson and Donald..." "M. Nelson." "Must be an important man." "Yes, and so considerate, you know." "Why, when my cousin had a stamp collection, he..." "He used to save all his foreign stamps from his office for it and gave them to me for her, my cousin." "Is that so?" "Don't you think that's wonderful, a man in his position to do a thing like that?" "You bet." "Well, you see, that's the way with those older men like Mr. Pendergast." "A girl gets to appreciate their more mature..." "Viewpoint." "I'd better go." "Good night, Mr. Carter." "Good night, Miss Milligan." "I almost forgot where I lived." "Good night." "Where you headin' for?" "We have to work for a living." "Can't you see we're all bedded down here, peaceful like?" "Well, I declare, why don't you go to bed at a reasonable hour and let somebody sleep." "Must be one of them new Republicans, just got into office." "Here, I have my..." "Dingle's key." "Connie?" "Yes?" "Are you asleep?" "No." "Me, neither." "I've been thinking." "I've been thinking, too." "What about?" "Mr. Dingle." "It's all right for Dingle to talk." "He hasn't any decisions to make." "But for a person like me..." "Huh?" "Well, we have to think things out very, very carefully and be sure we're going in the right direction." "For instance," "Mr. Pendergast wants us to be married right away." "You know, our engagement?" "Yeah, I know." "Well, you take my case, too." "I have to go across on special duty," "I'm not supposed to talk about it, but I guess under these circumstances, it would be all right." "I may never come back." "And under these circumstances a fellow has to figure on that." "Yes, he certainly has." "Connie?" "Yes?" "Are you asleep?" "No." "Have you got an aspirin?" "No, but I got a headache." "Me, too." "I can't sleep." "You can't?" "No." "Why can't you?" "I love you, Connie." "Did you hear what I said?" "Yes." "Well, if you feel the same way, would you tell me?" "Would you stay right where you are?" "Yes." "I love you more than anything in the world." "You promised." "Connie." "Connie." "Yes?" "You asked me if I was afraid to get married." "I'm not afraid." "I mean, will you marry me?" "I want to marry you, Connie." "Thank you." "I'd..." "I'd love to." "How?" "When?" "You said you'd be gone in a couple of days." "Yeah." "Well, then you'd go away, and we might never see each other again." "Yeah, but..." "Well, don't you see?" "Yeah, I guess you're right." "Oh, it's an awful problem, isn't it, darling?" "It sure is, dear." "I'd be away over there, and you'd be over here." "And I'd be worrying about you, and you'd be worrying about me." "Yeah, that's no good at all." "I guess not, huh?" "I guess you'd better go to sleep, darling." "Good night, dear." "Good night, Mr..." "Darling." "What's your name?" "Joe Carter." "My name's Evans." "This is Mr. Pike." "Federal Bureau of Investigation." "FBI, huh?" "Yeah." "Want to talk to you." "What's going on here?" "Don't be alarmed." "We're just having a look around, Mrs. Carter." "I'm not Mrs. Carter, I'm Miss Milligan." "He's just a friend of mine." "A very good friend." "Look, he lives in here and I live in here." "As a matter of fact, she's my landlady." "What do you fellas want here, anyhow?" "We got a report that you've been having a peek at Washington." "Yeah?" "Well, what's wrong with that?" "Depends on how you see it, Mr. Carter." "Nice view from here." "Right into the Government Printing Office with a pair of binoculars." "The binoculars." "They think I've been looking at Government stuff." "Your friend, Morton Rodakiewicz." "What's this?" "My uniform." "Why don't you wear it?" "Well, I always sleep in my pajamas." "I mean earlier in the evening." "Why didn't you wear it when you were looking out with those binoculars?" "Well, I can see all right without it on." "Well, you got a mouth full of funny answers, haven't you?" "You'd better get dressed." "Both of you." "Why do I have to get dressed?" "Because, uh, traffic's jammed up enough the way it is." "All right, let's get going." "Oh, uh..." "You stay here." "Say," "I think they made a mistake down at headquarters." "This fella don't look like a Jap." "Well, your papers seem to be in order." "But we did have reason to suspicion you." "The only thing we're concerned about is the report over the phone that there was a Japanese at your address, studying the Government Printing Office through binoculars." "Well, it wasn't me." "There's never been a Japanese near the place." "Can you think of anyone besides yourself and Carter that might have been seen around the apartment?" "Well, Mr. Dingle, I told you before." "Oh, yes." "Now, how about Dingle, Pike?" "Well, I..." "I phoned him, sir." "He said he'd be right over." "He wanted to know if he could bring a friend." "Does he think we're serving tea?" "I don't know, sir." "It was nice of you to come traipsing over here with me at this time of night." "Well, you must know me well enough by this time," "Mr. Dingle, to realize that when things have to be done, I don't procrastinate." "I don't know what this is all about, and there's no telling how long I'll be here." "Now, tut, tut, tut." "Everyone over here knows me." "I'm sure my presence will speed things up." "Then we can get back to our work." "That's the spirit." "The average man would say," ""Let it go until tomorrow." Not you, Charlie." "You're a go-getter, my boy, a go-getter!" "Why, uh, hello, uh, uh..." "Pike." "I'm Pendergast." "This is my good friend, Benjamin Dingle." "Oh, yes, Mr. Dingle." "Who's on duty?" "Harding." "Harding?" "Why, I know Harding well." "Come on, Mr. Dingle." "We'll get to the bottom of this in record time." "Hello." "Hello, come in." "Harding, old man, how are you?" "Haven't seen you in weeks." "I want to ask you a little favor, Harding." "I'm a very busy man, so if you'll just postpone what you're doing and give me a few minutes." "I'd like to..." "I knew you'd understand." "A very good friend of mine was requested to appear here tonight." "In fact, he's working with me, and we're very busy, so, if you could..." "I forgot to introduce him." "This is Mr. Dingle." "How do you do?" "How do you do?" "Mr. Dingle is..." "Constance." "What..." "What are you doing here?" "What is it?" "What's the trouble?" "What's the matter?" "Speak to me." "Hello." "It's nothing to get alarmed about, Mr. Pendergast, merely a routine investigation." "We received a wild report over the phone." "Yes?" "We receive hundreds of them." "Usually mean nothing." "Well, I should hope so." "I've known Miss Milligan for six years." "As a matter of fact, she's in my department and we're..." "Carter!" "How've you been?" "Really, Constance, I'm afraid I don't understand." "Look, the whole thing could be explained if you'd just let Mr. Dingle speak." "Please, Miss Milligan." "Excuse me." "Now then, Carter." "Present." "Present." "Uh, step over here, please." "Uh, step over here, please." "Did..." "Did you say that Mr. Dingle could explain?" "You, Pendergast!" "Yes?" "You can talk after I'm through with Carter." "What has Carter got to do with it?" "Sit down!" "Carter was in Miss Milligan's apartment when we arrived, and he was in possession of these binoculars." "What was he doing with his binoculars in your apartment?" "Now then, your address, Miss Milligan?" "1708 D Street, apartment 2B." "I beg your pardon." "I meant Carter." "Burbank." "It's, uh, 651 Sunnycrest, the house on the corner." "No, here in Washington." "Well, that's, uh, 6310 munitions building." "I mean your Washington address, where you sleep." "Where I sleep?" "On D Street." "I think it's 1708." "1708 D Street, apartment what?" "Apartment?" "Apartment number." "2, uh," "B." "I, uh, told you I thought you wouldn't understand, Charles." "But how could it be?" "I only introduced you to him tonight!" "Well, I..." "I forgot to tell you." "We met before." "It can all be explained." "You see, I sublet half my apartment to help relieve the housing shortage." "To Carter?" "No!" "To Mr. Dingle, and Mr. Dingle sublet half his half to Mr. Carter." "I'd like to believe you, Constance." "You'd believe Dingle, wouldn't you?" "Yes, just ask Mr. Dingle." "Mr. Dingle." "I beg your pardon." "Uh, you've got to help us out." "Yes, Ben." "Of course, certainly." "What can I do?" "Well, Mr. Pendergast thinks that Joe and I..." "Really, Constance, I..." "I don't know what you expect to prove now." "That Dingle was in the apartment all the time and rented half to me." "Yes." "What apartment?" "Miss Milligan's apartment." "Has Miss Milligan got an apartment?" "Are you kidding?" "You know I have." "You lived there." "I'm sorry, but I live at the Winton James Hotel, don't I, Charlie?" "Of course." "You were over there with me this evening, weren't you?" "Yes, of course." "They know I was." "Mr. Dingle, how could you?" "I'm very sorry, I'd like to help out you young folks, but after all, there's no use lying when the truth is staring you in the face." "There certainly isn't." "If you were a younger man, I'd punch you in the nose." "And if you were a smarter man, you'd use your brains instead of your fists." "Come in." "I'm sorry I thought I was in my own office." "Uh, Major Denton to identify Carter." "Oh, yes." "Come in, Major." "Are you Mr. Harding?" "That's right, how do you do?" "Hello, Sergeant." "Uh, what's the trouble?" "I, uh, they think I was looking at the Government Printing Office through those binoculars." "Well, were you?" "No, sir." "We've already discovered that, Major." "Now, if you're willing to vouch for Carter..." "Certainly, he's here on special duty." "Oh, thank you very much." "Is that all?" "That's all and thanks for your trouble." "It's no trouble at all." "Good night." "Good night." "You have your orders, Sergeant?" "Yes, sir." "Well, I guess that about clears everything up, Inspector." "That's right." "Show him out, Evans." "I'm sorry if this has caused any of you embarrassment." "Embarrassment?" "Mr. Dingle." "Mr. Dingle!" "I beg your pardon?" "Did you or did you not live at 1708 D Street, apartment 2B?" "Shh!" "Talk!" "Tell him." "Tell what?" "That you lived in my apartment." "Is that true?" "You lived in that apartment?" "Hasn't anybody brains enough to push this little button?" "Joe." "You!" "What?" "What?" "Our friend here has finally broken down and told the truth." "Oh, he has, huh?" "If that's true, why didn't you say so inside?" "Yes." "Scandal, my boy, scandal." "A thing like this gets around..." "Shh." "Of all the mean, contemptible, low, low..." "Down." "Down." "Down, yeah." "Take me to the Washington Sun Building." "Let's go." "You'll have to wait." "I've got to get a full load." "Taxi." "Mr. Dingle, Mr. Dingle, surely you don't really think there'll be a scandal?" "I don't dare think, Charles." "But the FBI has a reputation for secrecy." "I know, but many people saw them yanked out of her apartment in the wee hours of the morning." "A thing like that could ruin a man." "Ruin a man?" "What about a lady?" "Yes, it won't do her any good." "As far as I'm concerned, my boy, it's every man for himself." "Winton James hotel." "I've got to get a full load." "No, you don't." "Now, you wait for me!" "I want to have a talk with you." "Go ahead." "I've got to get a full load." "All right, I'm a full load." "Taxi." "1708 D Street." "Now, see here, Mr. Dingle, if there's a scandal, you're responsible." "You've put us all in a bad light." "I know." "It was cowardly of me, but I can't afford to..." "You can't afford?" "You're going to Michigan." "I have to stay here." "Our engagement is widely known." "You get off scot free by lying, and I'm in the middle of things." "But you're young, Charlie." "I am a young man, yes, with a career that's just beginning." "Yes, by all means let's protect your career." "I don't matter." "My position doesn't make any difference at all." "It's only Charles J. Pendergast..." "Don't you shush me." "You've been shushing me for 22 months now, you've shushed your last shush." "For 22 months, I've been engaged to a career, not a man." "Here, perhaps this will relieve you of this embarrassing situation." "Now take your career and go run for cover." "Constance, maybe I was hasty." "You certainly were." "Then, I apologize." "Now, will you take back the ring?" "No!" "I'd think twice if I were you, Miss Milligan." "About what?" "In your position, you can't afford to burn your bridges behind you." "You mean by being engaged to Mr. Smug here," "I can keep my respectability?" "Not only by being engaged, but a quick marriage before the story gets out." "Then let it get out!" "Look here, Ben, you're making a 5-alarm fire out of this thing." "Nobody's going to hear of this story unless you..." "You shoot off your big mouth." "Me?" "Joe, you're doing me a great injustice." "Hey, mister." " Hey, mister." " You in the corner pocket." "You in the corner pocket." "Yeah?" "You wanted the Washington Sun Building, didn't you?" "Yeah." "Well, there it is." "All right, pardon me, please." "Oh, me, it's been a dull night, but I finally got a good story, thanks to you, Mr..." "Mr. Pendergast, isn't it?" "Yeah, Pendergast, Charles J., O.P.L." "All right, thanks." "There you are, driver." "Got a deadline to make." "Good morning." "Good morning." "A newspaperman!" "Your friend just stole 3rd base." "A million people in this town, and it had to be a newspaperman in the corner pocket." "That's bad." "Well, I'm sorry about this, Connie, but don't cry." "Who's crying?" "She is." "She's got a perfect right to." "Why not?" "Her name will be mud by morning." "Well, can't we..." "Oh, don't bother about me, gentlemen." "Every man for himself." "I warned her about burning Charlie behind her." "Look, just don't bother about me, because I'll..." "I'll give up hope, I'll get out of town," "I'll go back home and be miserable." "You started all this, Ben." "I know, I know." "It was cowardly of me." "If I didn't have to leave in the morning," "I'd do something about it myself." "What would you do?" "Don't be stupid, what could he do?" "Telephone Charlie, get the ring, and use it himself." "Me be engaged to Joe Carter, while he's away?" "No, married." "Kill the scandal." "Well, that's preposterous." "Now, wait a minute." "I only mean one of these in-name-only propositions." "That's all." "Well," "I'd be willing to cooperate." "Cooperate." "He..." "He wouldn't, would he?" "Well, that's mighty big of him." "Well, what's she got to be so huffy about?" "What're you getting so huffy about?" "I guess..." "I guess he wouldn't even be happy that way, would he?" "Would you?" "Well, if it's that way, what's being happy got to do with it?" "What's being happy got to do with it?" "Nothing." "Right." "All it needs is a little teamwork." "You two cooperate on a quick ceremony for the sake of all of us." "Then, an annulment is a simple matter if you don't cooperate any further." "Miss Milligan stays right here on her war job, with her head high," "Joe goes overseas with not a thing on his mind." "Well, well, if he'd do it," "I'd be willing to cooperate that far." "Well, we'd have to do it quickly, because I have to leave in exactly 26 hours, hot or cold." "Oh, well, then it can't be done." "It takes three days to get married." "It could be right now in South Carolina, hot or cold." "South Carolina?" "That's hundreds of miles from here." "By plane, it's right next door." "I've got a little schedule here." "Here, take this down." "A schedule is a mighty handy thing at times, Miss Milligan." "Now, let me see." "It is now 4:21 a.m." "You could be at the airport by 4:50." "Your plane leaves at 5:42, hot or cold." "Cold." "I could be back at my hotel by 6:00 or 6:22, telephoning Charleston and making all arrangements." "You arrive at Charleston at 8:43, hot or cold." "At 9:35, you get your license." "At 10:15, you're standing in front of the minister." "At 10:30, you're married and, at 12:00, hot or cold, lunch." "Here's your 50 cent blue plate." "What kind of fish is this?" "Catfish." "Here's your nice boiled rice." "What's the matter, honey?" "I never thought when they threw rice at me, it would be boiled." "Look, we'd better hurry up and eat our lunch and get out of here." "Let's go." "Is there something wrong, mister?" "No, everything's just dandy." "Well, then why is the young lady crying?" "Because she's so happy." "Oh, for goodness sake." "Newlyweds." "What's wrong with newlyweds?" "Oh." "I, uh," "I'd better give you this license, 'cause then if anybody asks you if you're married, you can just show them that." "Oh, thanks." "And thanks for marrying me, Joe." "Mmm, it was a pleasure." "Well, I..." "Guess I'd better go up and pack my things, so you can get an annulment, and I can go to Africa with nothing on my mind." "Yeah." "Uh, where do you think you'll stay tonight?" "Oh, I'll just roam around town, I guess." "I haven't seen much of Washington and, anyway," "I probably wouldn't sleep very much." "Well, that, uh, seems kind of silly." "I mean your..." "Your room is still vacant, and you're..." "You're paid up until tomorrow." "Do you think it would be all right?" "Well, if the FBI come, we'll just show them this." "♪ Don't try to steal the sweetheart" "♪ Of a soldier" "♪ It's up to you to play a manly part" "♪ Though he's over there" "♪ And she's over here" "♪ Still she's always in his heart" "♪ They may not meet again" "♪ To love each other" "♪ Still he prays that he'll come back" "♪ Some day, some day" "You'll write to me and let me know where you are, won't you?" "Sure, when I know where I am." "When I know where you are," "I'll write to you to let you know where I am." "Yeah, because I'm gonna worry about you." "Oh, you mustn't do that, you have to go with nothing on your mind." "I know, but I can't help worrying about you." "Good night." "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "♪ To love each other" "♪ Still he prays that he'll come back someday" "♪ Someday" "♪ While he fights for you and me" "♪ To protect our liberty" "♪ Don't try to steal" "What is it, Connie?" "I forgot to take it." "To take what?" "I forgot to take my bag on my honeymoon." "Well, maybe you can take it on another honeymoon sometime with somebody else." "I don't want to with somebody else!" "Oh, and another thing, don't take in any more roomers." "Why?" "Why?" "Because you pick up a lot of riffraff that way, that's why." "Well, I was only trying to be patriotic." "Well, you're sending a husband to Africa." "That's patriotic enough." "Don't take in any more roomers." "But, Joe..." "Now look, you know what happened last time." "It ought to be a lesson to you." "What happened?" "Nothing!" "I'm not the kind of a person anything happens to." "I should think you'd know that." "Yeah, well, as long as you're married to me, no more roomers." "Now, you're talking like a real husband." "You're only supposed to cooperate so far, you know." "I know, well, I am a real husband, until it's annulled." "Oh, annulled, annulled." "That's all you talk about." "Oh, for gosh sakes." "All I said was no more roomers." "But, Joe, supposing I don't get a job right away?" "How'll I pay the rent?" "At least a roomer would help." "Yeah." "Well, I'm gonna have my pay signed over to you." "You don't need a job." "I don't want your pay." "Well, you're gonna get it." "And I've saved some dough, and you're gonna get that, too." "I'm gonna sign my insurance over to you, then if anything happens to me, you're gonna get $10,000." "If anything happened to you, I wouldn't want that money!" "Well, I'd rather have you take the money than to take in roomers." "Oh, just promise me you'll take care of yourself." "Now, don't cry, baby!" "♪ In love or war, with people like us" "♪ We've got to work fast" "♪ Or we'll miss the bus" "♪ If you straddle a fence, and you sit and wait" "♪ You get too little, and you get it too late" "♪ So what do you say we see it thru?" "♪ You stick by me, and I'll stick by you" "♪ And our 18 children will be glad we said" "♪ Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" "♪ Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" "♪ Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" "♪ And our 18 children will be glad we said" "♪ Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" "♪ Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" "♪ Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!"