"[Popular rock song playing on radio]" "SPORTS JOCK:" "Sports Jock, CHAD:" "And Chad, We're back," "Now, don't tell me Sports Jock took Pickins over Curney?" "SPORTS JOCK:" "Chad, if you don't want me to tell you, I won't tell you," "Change of subject," "[All chuckling]" "CHAD:" "Here's a topic for the Sports Jock," "Arlen High's very own senior running back, Ricky Suggs," "[Shushing] Everybody drink quiet." "SPORTS JOCK:" "Oh, yeah, Four touchdowns last night, I was at the Arroyo Diner and Ricky was the only thing anyone was talking about," "That is, except for the Arroyo's lime ambrosia, I call that uptown good eating," "CHAD:" "If Ricky keeps up this pace, he'll capture the career touchdown record," "Which, I might add, has stood for over 20 years," "SPORTS JOCK:" "It looks like we've got, our Sports Jock and Chad "Question of the day, "" "Who currently holds that record?" "And here's the tricky part," "What position did he play?" "CHAD:" "Winner gets a Sports Jock T-shirt and dinner for two at the Arroyo," "SPORTS JOCK:" "Uptown," "CHAD:" "We're Sports Jock and Chad, two faces better off in radio," "We'll be right back," "Yo, man!" "Dang old Bill Dauterive." "Dang old defensive lineman." "[Theme song]" "I don't wanna miss it if Ricky ties my record." "I'm going to the little lineman's room now." "DALE:" "This record is all Bill's got." "Should we rock-paper-scissor to see... who keeps him from killing himself in the bathroom?" "Well, he seems okay." "ANNOUNCER:" "Interception!" "Who is it?" "I'm out of focus." "Focus me, Hank." "It's Ricky." "He's gonna take it back all the way." "[Whistle blowing]" "[Crowd cheering]" "Way to go, Ricky!" "ANNOUNCER:" "And that ties the record for career touchdowns, currently held by class of '7 4's Bill Dauterive, who's here in the stands tonight, Let's give them both a hand," "[Crowd applauding]" "[Crowd cheering]" "bill:" "You're the man, Ricky!" "HANK:" "Well, I don't think we have to worry about Bill." "I've never done a radio interview before... but hardly a week goes by that I don't do a telephone survey... about my long-distance service." "Bill, I'm not trying to make you nervous... but this is the Sports Jock and Chad." "No, I just see it like talking to some old friends." "Excuse me." "[Bill vomiting]" "[Bill coughing]" "Maybe I need a mint." "[Telephone ringing]" "HANK:" "Okay, this is it." "[Echoing] Hello, Sports Jock." "Hello, Chad." "SPORTS JOCK: [Echoing] We got a little feedback here, ls your radio on, Bill?" "Say no." "SPORTS JOCK:" "It would just tear me up if some, young buck was about to get my record," "Some folks drink, but I find what's best for what ails me, is to head on down to the Arroyo Diner for their delicious chicken-fried steak, just sopping in cream gravy," "CHAD:" "That is uptown," "CHAD:" "But let's get back to Bill, bill:" "I like the yam biscuits." "SPORTS JOCK:" "Bill, our listeners wanna hear about your record," "Oh, yeah." "It was 1974." "We were playing the Wahachie Cowboys." "The ball was on the three-yard line with five seconds left." "We needed a touchdown to win, and that's when Coach called for..." "The Billdozer." "[Hard rock instrumental music]" "[Crowd cheering]" "BOOMHAUER:" "Dang old set, man." "Take a hike." "[Grunting]" "[Whistle blowing]" "[Crowd cheering excitedly]" "Yeah." "Chipped my spine on that play." "[Band playing traditional game music]" "HANK:" "Well, look at Bill." "Lucky dog." "HANK:" "You know, the principal comped his ticket." "Almost makes me wish some kid would make a run at one of my records." "[Laughing]" "Won't ever happen." "ANNOUNCER:" "Ricky Suggs gets the hand-off," "This could be it," "Oh, what a hit!" "Suggs is down," "[Moans]" "HANK:" "Looks like it's his knee." "Boy, if he wasn't playing on Saint Augustine grass, I'd...." "l don't even wanna think about it." "[Somber instrumental music]" "Way to go!" "For a second, I thought I was the only one... who was happy about Ricky being hurt." "She said it." "[Rock 'n' roll music playing]" "Ricky Suggs, I was so sorry to hear about your injury." "Torn ACL?" "You are lucky you are not a horse, young man." "Doctors say I'm out for the season." "Oh, please." "What do doctors know?" "A doctor told me I might not walk again." "Well, not only am I walking, I hear his marriage has gone south, too." "Yeah, okay." "That's the attitude." "Now, get over there and spot me, Ricky." "SPORTS JOCK:" "That Bennett boy's a horse, all right, And wait till he hits junior high," "CHAD:" "Oh, yeah, he can play football," "Sports Jock, this is not a rumor," "Ricky Suggs, back in action this Friday," "SPORTS JOCK:" "Funk and Wagnall!" "He'll be going for the touchdown record against Hentaff," "That kid is uptown all the way," "One week after a torn ACL." "Only Ricky and I know how tough it is to get this far." "He won't let anything stand in his way." "And I remember hemorrhage... and embolism, even detached retina." "It sounded scary." "But when you smell the goal line... they're only words, just words." "[Bill sighing]" "HANK:" "Let's get moving." "Why are you in such a hurry to witness Bill's soul-shattering collapse... when Ricky Suggs crosses that goal line?" "Have you been talking to Dale?" "Because he's saying the same thing." "You both think Bill will be depressed." "Well, I tell you what." "I am impressed with the way Bill has handled this... with sportsmanship and dignity." "Does this finger go with these short pants?" "You the man!" "[Band playing traditional game music] I'm sorry, I got cotton candy in your hair." "ANNOUNCER:" "And Arlen has a first and goal," "Time out for a substitution, lt's Ricky Suggs coming in to break the record, for most career touchdowns," "[Heroic instrumental music]" "HANK:" "What a competitor." "Look at him." "He can barely walk." "I tell you what." "If that boy doesn't make it in the NFL... he's got a job at Strickland Propane... pending Mr. Strickland's approval." "CROWD: [Chanting] Ricky!" "Hut, hike!" "FOOTBALL PLAYER:" "Go, Ricky." "[Ricky moans]" "[Gasping]" "Thanks." "[Crowd cheering]" "Nobody's trying to tackle him." "They're letting him score." "ANNOUNCER:" "Ricky Suggs!" "The new touchdown record holder!" "Now they're carrying him in for the two-point conversion," "Too much!" "May God have mercy on you all." "ANNOUNCER:" "Now that Ricky has broken the record," "Arlen will allow Hentaff to score a make-up touchdown, I'd like to thank everyone who made this possible," "My coach, God, and the school board, I also wanna thank Mr, Devatrove, for taking such good care of the trophy ball," "[Mumbling incoherently]" "Said "yup."" "Bill, there's being a good sport, and then there's just plain being cheated." "I don't know." "Everybody seemed real happy about Ricky breaking the record." "Oh, man, it's dang old 6:00 sharp, man." "Dang old Sports Jock and Chad will come on." "SPORTS JOCK:" "Don't say the Sports Jock should be fitted for a skirt, and some of them pretty hoop earrings," "But I got a tear in my eye last night watching Ricky break that record," "HANK:" "The Sports Jock, maybe, but Chad?" "CHAD:" "There wasn't a dry eye," "[Hank sighs disappointedly]" "Come on. lsn't anyone gonna say what we all better be thinking?" "It's an outrage?" "That's right, Dale." "I am outraged!" "I really am." "Bill, if we feel this cheated, I can't imagine how bad you must feel." "I feel bad I couldn't help Ricky across the line, of course." "For the love of" "You don't understand." "You know, I never really appreciated my record until Ricky broke it." "I think I'll send him a thank-you note." "Yeah." "No." "You know what I'm gonna do?" "I'm gonna bake him some muffins." "Yeah, some...." "All right, then, I'll see you tomorrow." "[Sentimental instrumental music]" "[Oven timer dings]" "[Sighs]" "Well, I'll still listen to the traffic and weather report." "And the fishing report, but that's it." "I have had it with the Sports Jerk... and Chad." "Hank, facts are facts." "That boy would have blown the old record out of the water if he wasn't hurt." "CLERK:" "I don't know why you're so mad, Hank." "If the fat bald guy who had the record doesn't care, why should you?" "His name is Bill." "You played on his team." "That was Bill?" "Good lord." "Mega Lo screws?" "Hank." "I couldn't give the hardware store my business." "Not with Ricky Suggs fever infecting the place." "952, 953...." "l'm setting a new world's record." "Well, that's real good, Bobby, but I think you have to start over when you fall off." "I'll be honest with you, Dad." "I'm not in the best shape, and this is the only way I'm gonna make it." "[Grunts]" "Nine hundred fifty...." "Wait, how many was that?" "Let's call it an even 1,000." "Dang it, Bobby!" "That's not how you set a record." "Okay." "One." "[Panting]" "Oh, forget it." "That Ricky Suggs." "I can't believe they let him limp his way into the record book." "Poor Bill." "He was living in his past and that boy has stolen it." "Where is Bill supposed to live now?" "HANK:" "Mr. Chairman, I'd like to respectfully suggest... that you put an asterisk next to Ricky Suggs' name in the record book." "And that asterisk should read:" ""This record was attained by means of fraud..." ""and bad sportsmanship."" "Thank you." "That suggestion is denied, Mr. Hill." "Ricky Suggs is an inspiration to us all." "Now, on to more important matters," "My motion to add "fatty-fatty-boom-ballatty"... to the list of unacceptable hate speech." "[Sentimental instrumental music]" "HANK:" "Remember when we used to run wind sprints out here... till we couldn't stop throwing up?" "[Bill mumbling in agreement]" "bill:" "When we were kings, Hank." "HANK:" "You okay?" "bill:" "Sure." "Good sport doesn't whine when things don't go his way." "Yeah, but good sports play by the rules." "You did." "They didn't." "HANK:" "How about that time we snuck into the stadium... and mowed the whole field before the groundskeeper could?" "[Hank laughs]" "The look on his face right before we apologized." "Yeah." "We were crazy." "I can thank the Army for straightening me out." "Yeah." "You were a changed man when you came back." "Oh, yeah." "I may not have made it to Vietnam... since the war ended right after I volunteered." "But barber school at Fort Bragg... baptism by fire, my friend." "HANK:" "It's too bad you had to ship out before the end of our last season." "bill:" "The country needed barbers and I was flunking trigonometry." "You weren't around at graduation." "Or senior prom." "Was there dancing?" "Coach, what happens if a player gets injured or can't finish his season?" "We red-shirt him and then let him make up the games the next season." "What if he's out for a couple seasons?" "As long as he hasn't graduated... he keeps his eligibility and plays the next season." "What if he's out for 25 seasons?" "Oh, Hank, find a pick-up game." "I am talking about William Fontaine Delatur Dauterive." "The Billdozer." "He still has red-shirt eligibility." "HANK:" "He didn't finish his senior season and you can put him in Friday's game." "You're asking me to slice another piece of phony-baloney... like they made me at last week's game?" "No, I'm not asking you to fix the game." "I'm asking you to fix an injustice." "Just put Bill in and let him get his record back fair and square." "Let's show those kids how we used to play football." "I'd have to cut somebody." "You got that exchange student who kicks barefoot." "I think we've all had enough of that." "I can play again?" "Thank God I never graduated from high school." "Do I have to go to class, too?" "Come on, Bill, you're on the football team." "Just like the old days." "[Fast-paced instrumental music]" "There it is." "My old uniform." "Haven't worn it since my 30th birthday party." "Suit up, Billdozer." "[Growls]" "Hank, how did my head get so fat?" "[Clears throat] I don't know, Hank." "I'm still an athlete. I've got my pride." "I'm not sure how I feel about the other team just rolling over for me." "Don't you worry about that." "Belton has the toughest defensive line in the division." "You know the whole first string flunked history last year... so they could come back and go to State?" "They'll never roll over." "Good." "HANK:" "Bobby, success on the field depends on hard work off the field." "That's why I run a tough practice, but a fun practice." "Now, watch this." "Hey, Bill, what's that over there?" "Where?" "[Chuckles]" "Made you look." "Okay." "Let's hit the tackling sled." "Bobby, go help Boomhauer." "[Groans]" "Go, Bill!" "Okay, Bobby, start taunting." "Hey, batter, batter, swing" "Wait." "No." "Come on, you old tub of slop!" "Move your can." "[Moaning and groaning]" "Oh, man!" "[Gasping]" "That's it, Hank." "This Billdozer's out of gas." "I can either train or I can play... but I can't do both." "All right." "Hit the showers." "Too tired." "l'll get the hose." "When I crossed that goal line and set the record, I didn't do it just for me, I did it for my girlfriend," "l love you, Ricky." "l love you, Ricky." "And for everyone here at Arlen High," "Except for Old Man Crybaby, Probably gonna cost us the game," "Whoa !" "Okay, thank you, Ricky." "BOY 1 :" "Ricky Suggs!" "Okay now, settle down, class of '01," "We have a new addition to the team," "girl:" "Get off!" "This guy was setting football records before you were born," "He fought for your freedom in North Carolina during 'Nam, I'm honored to introduce The Billdozer!" "bill:" "Arlen's number one!" "Hey, where's the party tonight?" "Anyone's parents out of town?" "BOY 2:" "Loser!" "Hey, my parents aren't even alive," "Party at my place!" "Yeah!" "Okay," "COACH:" "Okay, everybody, huddle up." "[Singing] Arlen High, we honor thee" "The legacy of bravery" "Come on, guys." "Too cool to sing the school song?" "We changed it back in '97." "It's Candle in the Wind now." "Marilyn Monroe or England's Rose?" "Let's see some blocking now." "Set, hike." "[Players groaning]" "ANNOUNCER:" "Arlen to punt the ball, lf we could just get into scoring position, we'd get to see Bill put in the game." "[Whistle blowing]" "Don't have a heart attack, mister." "Aspirin this morning, red wine last night." "Don't worry about me." "[Crowd cheering]" "Fumble-laya." "Sure is, Bobby, and Arlen's in scoring position." "Okay, Bill, we may not have their youth or speed... or performance-enhancing drugs." "But we got something they don't." "Guts." "Now, go out there and get us a touchdown, Billdozer." "[Growling] I guess we're giving it to Mr. Dauterive." "Just don't step on me." "ANNOUNCER:" "Now in the backfield for Arlen, bringing the number 72 out of retirement," "Army Sergeant Barber Bill "The Billdozer"Dauterive," "[All growling]" "Hey, that's The Billdozer growl." "I think that's The Billdozer." "Down." "Set." "Hike." "[Growling] [intense instrumental music]" "I'm open!" "No!" "[Dramatic instrumental music]" "[Whistle blowing]" "REFEREE:" "Touchdown!" "[Crowd cheering and applauding]" "No fair!" "Asterisk!" "Way to go, Mr. Dauterive!" "My dad said you were good." "You did it, Bill." "Way to go." "I scored for Arlen?" "Yes." "And you tied the record." "There's still time on the clock." "If Arlen gets the ball again, you can get the record back." "When Ricky tied my record, he did it fair and square." "I'm honored to share it with him." "[Moans]" "Besides, I can't get up." "[Sentimental instrumental music]" "Thank you, Hank." "I couldn't have done this without you." "No, sir." "You the man." "No, you the man." "I can't point, Hank." "That's okay." "Don't look down at your leg." "[Soulful instrumental music]" "SPORTS JOCK:" "It'll be a battle all right," "CHAD:" "They want revenge for that butt-whipping they got served up last year," "SPORTS JOCK:" "That coach should have Dauterive give them their half-time speech, I've never seen anything like him, Heart like a lion," "Old-time football, I thought he was dead when they wheeled him off the field," "Then, just two hours later, he was eating jalapeño cornbread, at the Arroyo Diner," "That man is uptown, No doubt about it," "[Bill panting]" "[Bill muttering]" "[Theme music]" "Twenty biology quizzes and not one smiley face." "Their grades are plummeting even faster than I did when I fell out of that airplane." "Peggy, remember the therapist said to go easy on your spine." "You may want to shorten your back swing on those check marks." "Hank, the best therapy for my back... will be lifting my third straight Substitute Teacher of the Year award... high above my head in triumph." "[Exclaims in pain]" "Falling from that plane may have broken my spine... but it could not break my teaching bone." "No, not even if one existed." "Mom, I think you're using the English key to mark the bio tests." "Well, yes." "I'm not used to teaching so much non-Spanish." "Come on, Peggy Hill." "Rookie mistake." "Get it together." "I don't have the bio answer key." "Bobby, find me a frog." "I would suggest you bleed out the excess pressure in the bypass line..." "HANK: because if you don't have-- STRlCKLAND:" "is that a business call?" "Not strictly, no." "Hank, when was the last time you took a day off?" "I took a day off when Bobby was born, but I wasn't really sick."