"(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)" "(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Give it up for RB legends" " AJ and Alisha." " (AUDIENCE CHEERING)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Here we go." "¶ Oh, your love's too big" "¶ To fit just one bag" "¶ I need... ¶ Two bags ¶" "Boy, I knew I loved you since the moment we met." "Girl, I'll always remember the first time I saw you, lookin' oh, so good, comin' out of that movie theater." "Boy, that wasn't what I was doing the first time we met." "(CHUCKLES) That's right, girl." "You were going into the movie theater." "Boy, try again." "Girl, I'm just..." "I'm just playing with you." " I was going into the movie..." " No movie theater, boy." "Okay, you didn't..." "You didn't let me finish, girl." "I was going into the moving car." "Yeah, I was driving a moving car." "And I saw you, looking so good walking on down the street." "That's not how we met, boy!" "Look, girl, I can't remember all the details because" "I was so entranced by your blue eyes." " No." " No?" " Green eyes?" " No." "Those..." "Eyes, that I love so much that I can't even find a color to describe them." "They're brown." "(MAN COUGHS)" "You were in the car, I was on the street." "Both on the street?" "Both in cars?" "Both in the same car?" "You were a taxi driver and I was the passenger?" "I was a taxi driver and you were a passenger?" "We were both passengers and no-one was driving?" "¶ Oh, your love's too big" "¶ To fit in just one bag" "¶ I'm sure gonna need... ¶ Two bags" "¶ I said I need two bags ¶" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "The enemy's approaching, men." "Prepare to fire on my signal!" "Wait for it." "Wait for it." "(CROWD SCREAMING)" "Wait for it!" "Wait for it." "(DRUM BEAT)" "DIAMOND:" "Wait for it." "Wait for it." "(SHOUTING) Wait for it." "(CRICKETS CHIRPING)" "Now!" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "Dad, can we build a tree house?" "Sure, that's easy." "All right, I cut the wood." "Now we just need to find a big old tree to build it in." "Oh, the..." "Okay." "Yeah." "The tree." "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "(PANTING)" "I think I lost it." "(GROWLS)" "(SCREAMS)" "(GROWLS)" "(HOWLS)" "It worked!" "I passed on the curse." "I'm not a werewolf anymore." "Oh, happy day!" "Oh..." "Ah!" "Hey, you can't do that!" "No bite backs." "You never said that." "I didn't think I had to." "How was I supposed to know?" "I'm not a mind reader, I'm a werewolf." "But not for long." "(GROWLS)" "(GROWLS)" "Time out!" "Time out!" "If we keep doing this back and forth it'll never stop." "It'll just go on for the rest of our..." "Okay, okay, time out!" "All right, I see what you're saying." "Here's what we do." "Ow!" "You're not even a werewolf right now!" "That just hurts!" "Oh, right." "I got confused about who was what." "Sorry." "Okay." "You were saying?" "You know, now I can't even remember." "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Give it up for RB legends" " AJ and Alisha." " (AUDIENCE CHEERING)" "¶ Oh, your love's too big" "¶ To fit in a sedan" "¶ I need... ¶ A truck ¶" "Girl, I love everything I know about you." "But I realize now that I didn't know enough." "Boy, you're tellin' me!" "So that's why I did some research to find more things to love." "I love that your driver's license lists you as five four, 140 pounds." "I love that you're allergic to shellfish." "I love that you donated $35 to charity last year." "Mmm-hmm." "I love that you're CPR certified." "I love that your electric bill is lower this year than it was last year." "I love that you're two stamps away from a free sandwich at the deli." "I could also use it to get a wrap." "I love that your best friend described you as, "Warm and caring", and your college roommate said, "You're smart and hard working."" "Aw!" "You've got to my friends!" "I couldn't find any high school friends though." "Your records just kinda stopped five years ago." "Okay, that's enough about me." "Let's get back to this song." "But that's when I dug up this FBI wanted poster that said your birth name was actually Katya Fleming." "Stop talking, please, stop talking." "Girl, I love that you're an internationally wanted art thief living under an assumed identity." " (POLICE SIREN WAILING) - (SIGHS) And there it is." "¶ Oh, your love's too big" "¶ To fit in a sedan" "¶ I need... ¶ A truck ¶" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "It's a pleasure to welcome you on board as our new breath mint tester." "Oh, the pleasure is all mine." "I can't to sample those delicious breath mints all day." "I love me some mints." "Oh no, you don't eat any mints." "You're the breath mint tester." "He gets to eat all the mints." "He's our breath mint taster." "(GOBBLING)" "But then, what does the tester do?" "(EXHALING DEEPLY)" "Did the mints improve his breath?" "No." "May never do." "(EXHALES DEEPLY)" "Ugh." "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "Welcome back, class." "I hope you all had fun on your summer vacations." "Of course, some of us didn't get a vacation, because I had to stay here and teach summer school. (CHUCKLES)" "Now let's have show and tell so you can all talk about how much fun you had on your little trips, you lucky kids." "Here's a giant pearl I found while deep sea diving off my family's yacht." "We like to spend the summer in the islands, you see. (CHUCKLES)" "All right, this is show and tell, not show off and tell." "Some of us don't have big, fancy yachts and are allergic to shellfish." "Why don't you just sit down?" "You probably did something normal." "Get up here and tell us about it." "My summer was super exciting." "I spent it at scout camp." "We went white water rafting, and hang gliding, and I got this badge for climbing the tallest mountain." "Okay, all right, that's enough." "Some of us aren't thrill junkies." "Some of us are scared of heights because of the time I fell down a ravine." "Get out of here!" "Ah, this show and tell is a real bust so far, huh?" "We just need a normal kid, a normal, boring kid who never does anything special." "You, in the back." "Get up here!" "It's true." "My family's not rich, and I'm not adventurous." "Yes, I like where this is going." "But my family loves each other, so for show and tell," "I brought this photo of us spending quality time together." "And that's why it was the best summer ever." "You are the worst one of all!" "Everyone is dismissed for summer." "But we just got back from summer." "Then you're dismissed for summer again." "Summer number two." "(ALL CHEERING)" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Give it up for RB legends" " AJ and Prisoner 434." " (CROWD CHEERING)" "¶ Oh, your love's too big" "¶ To fit on just one horse" "¶ I need... ¶ A tall horse ¶" "Girl, I know I messed up real bad." "First, I knew too little about you." "Then, I knew and said way, way too much." "But now I know just the right amount." "It's three simple words." "I love you." "Aw!" "I love you too." "(AUDIENCE CHEERING)" "And we love you too, Denver." "(SILENCE)" "I mean, we love you too, Detroit." "(AUDIENCE BOOING)" "No?" "Memphis." "This is definitely Memphis, right?" " Seattle?" " Is this London?" "Paris?" "United Arab Emirates?" "How about Madrid?" "Are we in Haldensleben?" "Are we in the northern hemisphere?" " Not even that?" " No." "That's amazing." "That's the..." "It's the most general guess we can make and that's wrong." "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "Man." "What a day!" "I've never been so happy to see the city gates." "You said it!" "I'm ready for a bath and a nap." "Who goes there?" "Oh, great!" "I am the mighty Sphinx." "No one may enter the gates of this city without my leave." "All right, look, we've come a long way." "Silence!" "I will pose to you a riddle." "Answer incorrectly and I will devour each and every one of you." "Answer correctly, and I will devour myself, and you may pass unharmed." "Deal." "What's the riddle?" "The riddle is this." "What creature has one voice, and yet becomes four footed, then two footed, then three footed." "(WHISPERING)" "Four, two, three." "Four, two, three, the answer is Greg." " Yeah, it's me!" " Fools!" "The answer is man!" "For it is man that crawls on all fours as a baby." "Walks on two feet through life, and then walks with two feet and a cane in his old age." "The answer is man!" "Greg's a man." " Yeah." " But..." "No..." "I mean..." "Yes, but..." "No..." "Okay!" " But..." " But what?" "Greg's a man." "We got it right." "You gotta eat yourself." " Yeah." " Yeah." "No, no." "I meant man, like, in the larger sense, like mankind." "You can't change your answer." "You gotta eat yourself." "A deal's a deal!" "Yeah, eat yourself, Sphinx!" "I am not going to eat myself." "You got it wrong!" "Just..." "Fine!" "You can enter the city, but I'm not going to eat myself." " What a rip-off." " Yeah." "What has four feet, rips people off?" "The Sphinx!" "(GROANS)" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "Class." "We have a new student with us today." "So, I'd like to start our lesson by reviewing some of the self-defense basics." "Now, you should know right off the bat that some of my self-defense techniques are considered extreme." " Extreme?" " It's not as bad as it sounds." "Let me demonstrate." "If an attacker comes at you head on..." "Make like you're about to attack me." "First, grab their wrist with your dominant hand." "Then, their elbow with your other hand." "Then drop quickly to your knees and beg him not to hurt you." "Don't hurt me!" "Please!" "Oh!" "Oh, no!" "Please!" "I have so much to live for!" " (GRUNTS)" " Always remember." "Firmly establishing that you are not a threat neutralizes the attacker." "That can't work in the real world!" "It does." "Here, I'll show you another technique." "Put me in a headlock." "If an attacker gets you in a headlock, just take your free hand, and reach it way back like this." "Remove your phone from your pocket and show him pictures of your family." "Do not shy away from bringing your kids into this." "It's hard to assault someone when you're staring at the innocent faces of mini versions of them." "Shouldn't you be teaching us how to throw around someone who's twice our size?" "I do teach that!" "It's a technique where you grab someone by the arms hold them behind their back so they can't move, and then toss them at your attacker." "Toss them at the attacker?" "Who are you tossing?" "That could be anyone." "A wife, a friend, a co-worker, whoever's next to you when you get attacked." "It's called diversion." "And, of course, the mother of all self-defense techniques..." "Crying." "Yeah, I didn't sign up to learn how to cry." "There's no way any of this would work in real life." "I'm outta here." "Are you guys done with the room?" "It's 4:15 and you were supposed to be done by 4:00." "(ALL CRYING)" "Okay, fine." "I don't think we'll be seeing him again." "I can still see him through the window." "Shut off the lights!" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "ANNOUNCER:" "We would like to take this moment to ask for absolute quiet during the coin toss." " All right blue, call it." " Tails!" " ANNOUNCER:" "Oh, what an upset!" " (CROWD CHEERING)" "Ladies and gentlemen, yellow team is our new national coin toss champion." "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "Kids, he's here!" "The garbage man is here!" "Huh." "Whoa!" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "(ALL APPLAUDING)" "Goodbye, garbage man!" "Thank you!" "Boy, that sure was great, huh, kids?" " Where'd all these birds come from?" " (BIRDS SQUAWKING)" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "Ah!" "Nothing beats a lazy afternoon fishing..." "I have another riddle for you!" "ALL:" "Hey, Sphinx." "I..." "Hi!" "I have a riddle." "We already answered your riddle." "And you already didn't eat yourself." "Yeah, get outta here, Sphinx!" " That one didn't count!" " Ah, whatever." "Silence!" "Answer this riddle correctly and I will devour myself." "Answer incorrectly and I will devour each and every one of you." "What a joke!" "Listen!" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives." "The seven wives had seven sacks, the seven sacks had seven cats." "The seven cats had seven kits." "How many were going to St. Ives?" "Okay, so, seven times seven, times seven times seven..." "No, see, now you don't count the seven sacks." "Sacks aren't alive." "Okay." "Shh!" "I'm in the middle of this." "Seven times seven times seven..." "No, seven divided by seven, because they're divided into sacks, remember?" "Ugh!" "I used to be so good at this!" "Okay." "Seven times seven times..." "Okay, sorry." "Who are the wives?" "Was it the cats..." "No, seven wives divided by seven sacks is one." "Are you sure about this?" "I'm positive. 100%." "The answer is one." "(LAUGHING) Fools!" "The riddle only said I was going to St. Ives." "The cats and wives are irrelevant." "The answer is one!" "Yeah, that's what we said." " Yeah." " Yes, but..." "But you got it all wrong." "No, we didn't." "We got it right." "But your math, you were doing math, there's no math." "That's the whole point of the riddle." "The answer is one and we said one." "You didn't say we had to show our work." "Yeah, you gotta eat yourself, Sphinx." "Yeah, Sphinx!" "I'm not going to eat myself." "Lame." "What's in St. Ives, anyway?" "I don't know." "Catwives?" "It sounds terrible." "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "And this year's" "Miss Stage Fright USA is..." "Uh..." "Mmm..." "Oh, no..." "Oh, no..." "ANNOUNCER:" "Miss Nebraska!" "¶ She's the one" "¶ She wants us to look away" "¶ Miss Stage Fright USA" "¶ She hates this the most ¶" "(SHUDDERING)" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "Dispatch, we've got Jimmy the Chin and his goons in sight." "Should we bust him?" "DISPATCH:" "Negative." "Wait for backup." "Ah, but they're bringing loot into his warehouse as we speak." "DISPATCH:" "You have your orders." "Do not engage." "I can't believe we have to sit tight." "Look at all that stolen property, stereo equipment, couple of real expensive paintings, a trunk full of jewelry, a whole bunch of..." "Balloons?" "What's that?" "Is that a cake?" "That looks like chocolate." "DOG:" "Hey, check out that sandwich." "That's no ordinary sandwich." "That's a party sub." "There's no reason to buy a party sub unless you're having..." "A party!" "Dispatch, the situation has changed." "We need to go in immediately." "DISPATCH:" "Negative." "You are to enter that warehouse under no circumstances." "But we really want to!" "DISPATCH:" "Maintain your position." "Oh, that's definitely a party there!" " They've even got a DJ!" " ICE CREAM:" "What's in that box?" "Oh, man!" "They've got sweet jam!" "You just know it's gonna be going on till the break of dawn!" "BOTH:" "Bouncy castle!" "DOG:" "Pony rides!" "ICE CREAM:" "Fireworks!" "DOG:" "BMX bikes!" "ICE CREAM:" "A make-your-own- sand-art station!" "Dispatch, we have an active party in progress." "It is much cooler than anticipated." " Much cooler!" " We are going in!" "Repeat." "We are going in!" "Go, go, go!" "Do not enter the building." "Do you hear me?" "DOG:" "Oh, we hear you, Dispatch." "And see you." "It's not what it looks like." "ANNOUNCER:" "Coming up next..." "DJ Dispatch!" "(HORN HONKING)" "One sec." "Calling all cars." "I repeat, calling all cars to the dance floor!" "(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)" "Four hang down, four on the ground, two..." "ALL:" "Hey, Sphinx." "Four hang down, four on the ground, who..." "What are you even saying?" "It's a riddle." "We..." "We're doing a riddle." "I eat you." "I eat myself." "It's a riddle." "Just get out of here, Sphinx!" "Quiet!" "(CHUCKLES)" "(CLEARS THROAT) Four hang down, four on the ground, two point the way, two fight off dogs, one drags behind, often dirty." "What am I?" "A Sphinx." " No." " Yes, you are." "You're a Sphinx." "Literally the first thing you said to us was," ""What's up?" "I am a Sphinx."" "It was part of the riddle." "The question was part of the riddle." "All you said was a bunch of gibberish and you're like, "What am I?"" "You're a Sphinx." "Case closed." "Game over." "Game over, Sphinx." "Yeah, hope you like the taste of..." "You." "Time to put your money where your mouth is, and put your mouth where yourself is." "Yeah, looks like you bit off more "you" than you can chew." "You gotta chew yourself." " Yeah, Sphinx." " You know what?" "I'm out of here!" "Ugh, finally!" "Such a drama queen." "A cow." "Four hang, two fight off dogs, one drags..." "Udders, horns, a tail." "It's a cow." " Huh." " Yeah, that works too." "¶ Oh, your love's to big" "¶ To fit on just one horse" "¶ I need... ¶ A tall horse" "AJ: ¶ I said, of course of course" "¶ I need a tall steed" "ALISHA: ¶ Like a Clydesdale" "AJ: ¶ Indeed, indeed" "(ALISHA VOCALIZING)" "ALISHA: ¶ Like a Clydesdale ¶"