"Previously on Everwood:" " You have a boyfriend?" " Yes." "Ephram Brown meet Colin Hart." " You want my dad to help Colin." " You could just talk to him." " I don't know what to say." " What's that mean?" "One day you seem to hate me the next day you still hate me and other days you just hate me." "I know you want to be your son's friend but he needs a parent." " How do you know?" " He's testing you." "You are failing." " You asked your father?" " He said no." "The Everwood Pinecone." "Independent daily press since May 21 st, 1985." "The day Mr. R.F. Davenport bought what was then an antique printing press  hell-bent on spreading whatever news there was each and every day." "Everyone thought he was crazy, but 5999 issues later  he hasn't missed a single delivery." "The Everwood Pinecone." "Everwood's own bastion of journalistic integrity and chowder recipes." "Come on kiddo." "Time for bed." "I think I know what it means to miss New York and then I read the Pinecone." "They Might Be Giants are playing Central Park in two hours." "I don't think you're gonna make it." "That's all right." "I can stay here and enjoy:" ""Free skate-sharpening at Walter's Ice and Laundry Rink."" " You think somebody's inside?" " Take her." "I'll check it out." "Hello?" "Is anybody here?" "Stay back." "He might have a gun." "You forgot to buy milk." "From folly comes inspiration." " Good morning." " Hey Nina." "Cookies!" "Made a big batch last night." "A little too big for Sam so you luck out." " You can't have cookies for breakfast." " You're having ice cream." "You make a strong point." "Did you know there's a small deer on your front porch?" "It took two hours and four broken lamps just to get it out of the house." "I consider the porch a victory." "What is this a sit-in?" "Go on scat!" "Shoo!" "Get out of here!" " Did you see him?" " You mean "her."" " No antlers." " Deer have antlers?" "Most of the pussytoes and skunkbush die off in the early winter so they come down to the lower altitudes for food." "They don't usually make it to town but it happens." "Perhaps we should reward her ambition." "Call Animal Control." "I wouldn't bother." "They usually wander back on their own." "Well it's welcome to our garbage which you are welcome to take out." " You forgot to buy juice too." " Eat your cookie." "Hey there." "A little lost?" "Tell me about it." "Want some more?" " God bless you." " Why did you say that?" " You sneezed." " So?" "I don't believe in God." "What do you mean you don't believe in God?" "Everyone does." "It's like Santa." "They just tell kids about God to get them to go to bed on time or stop picking their scabs." " Then who made everything?" " I don't know." "But not God." "He isn't real." " I believe in him." " Oh yeah?" " Where is he?" " Everywhere." " Heaven." " Prove it." "If there's a God why doesn't he knock this cup over?" "My dad says you can't prove there's a God you have to have faith." "Oh yeah?" "Your dad's poor." "There's no God and that's it." " Yes there is!" " No there isn't!" " Yes there is." " Stop it!" "Arnie go sit with the girls." "There's a fresh pot of the orange paint you like to eat." "Delia are you starting fights again?" "I just had a question." "About God." "What's the question Delia?" "How do you prove there's a God?" "Well seeing as how we're approaching the Hanukkah let's say your people believe in God because of the oil." "The what?" "Way back in something-something before Christ who your people don't believe in the Hebrews were chased out of their land." "Again." "When they got back there was only enough oil to light their lamp for one day." "They said "The heck with it" and used it all up." "But it turned out the oil that was only enough for one day lasted eight whole days!" "Now those pine boughs aren't going to glitter themselves." "I need to consult you." "I don't think I'm qualified to advise anyone." "This is your specialty." "I need some fresh reading material." "I thought I'd give your comics a whirl." "I thought girls liked beauty magazines and books about ponies." "It's for Colin." "I finished reading him Call of the Wild." "I need something easy on the eyes." "Come on lend me one please?" "Well..." "We have an assortment of manga imports although Japanese storytelling might be a bit much for him." "Or the latest Green Lantern." "Good-triumphs-over-evil stuff." "Perfect." "Thank you." "I saw you in Mrs. Litman's office." "What was that about?" "Oh that?" "Apparently my serve is off." "She noticed you broke the record right?" "Longest period of new-kid denial in the annals of County High." "I knew this town had an underbelly but I had no idea about the annals." "New kids usually spend the first few weeks treading water." "No new friends coasting through classes lockers strangely undecorated." ""I'm not from here just a temporary stop until my parents' divorce settles" and they can go back to their real home." "Usually lasts about a month but eventually they settle in." "Not without a fight." "See you later Ham." "Thanks for the loan." "Though your pantomime grows more eloquent daily Louise let's say this morning you simply speak." "You're running a little late." "Mr. Yeager..." "He's already waiting in Room 2." "Did you see this?" "It's from the medical board." ""Pleased to inform you..."" "I have won the Colorado Medical Council Tri-County Service Award for Excellence and Dedication!" "Do you know what this means?" "Yeah." "I've got to tell Rose." "But..." "But what about Mr. Yeager?" "It's a boil Louise." "Lance it wrap it." "Tell him to use up the erythromycin if it swells." "We don't see too many of these from Mt." "McConnell." " This is exciting." " How do you know where she's from?" "See that mark?" "It means she's a blacktail." "Only a handful of those this side of Colorado." "All from a wildlife preserve just past the summit." "She wandered a ways." "Long drive back?" "A few hours." "And a lung-buster of a hike." " Two days maybe." " I hope you packed lunch." "I'm not taking her to McConnell." "She's getting a lift as far as White River." "Is that nice?" " Oh sure." "Not much escape cover but it's pretty." "And that's a bad thing?" "It is when it's hunting season." "I go up every year with my brother." "We bag enough meat to last all winter." "It's like ducks in a barrel." "Hold on a second there Elmer." "Maybe you'd like to move on to the winter tulips." "Ephram what is that outside?" "A doe." "A deer." "A female deer." "All you had to do is be here when they came." " lf that's too much for your schedule..." " I was." " And they came?" " Oh yeah." "Then why is that thing still out there?" "Elmer was gonna dump it on a rifle range paint a bull's-eye on him." "What are we gonna do?" "It can't stay here." "I'm gonna take her home." " Say again?" " I'm gonna take her home." "You do realize that deer live in the woods?" "Up in the mountains?" "Outside?" "She's from a reserve a few hours from here." "I got it mapped out." "I'll get a ride and hike overnight." "Why are you laughing?" "One you don't know a thing about hiking." "And two you don't know a thing about hiking." " Forget it you're not going." " I am so." "Ephram." " No!" " What's the matter?" "You threw away the cookies." "Those were for God." " For God?" " I thought if I left cookies and God ate them it'd prove he's real." " I thought cookies were Santa." " God could like cookies." "What's the matter?" "Are you okay?" "Magilla sneezed and said God wasn't real." "And you want to prove Magilla wrong." "I can get behind that." "How about I fix up a fresh plate for the big guy?" "Look you can't expect to shepherd a deer back to the mountains." "Don't be ridiculous." "She has a home out there." "She just needs help getting back." "How's that more ridiculous than what you did?" " What'd I do?" " Moved us here because of some psychotic sense of destiny." "Don't I get my turn?" "Maybe I'm just supposed to do this." "I don't know why." "Maybe I just am." "Okay." "All right." " I'm going with you." " No." " You wanted to go." " Not with you." "I won't let my 15-year-old who doesn't know a pine tree from a baked potato explore the tundra alone." "If you want to go you better pack enough trail mix for two." "There isn't much good a deer can see about hunting season  except that it only comes once a year  and maybe that it makes him appreciate the few wildlife preserves they have." "Like the one your Bambi came from." "The safest prettiest fawning site on earth." "Wild berries in the winter all the thermal cover you could hope for." "But it's not close." "You got a long day ahead of you." "Four miles west another eight through Mountain Lion Pass." "Which I wish was called "Mountain Bunny Pass."" "Till we see the sign for piñon-juniper woodland." "You can't miss it and even if you do you'll smell it." "I can't say that I had either of you two pegged as the camping type." " Please." "I'm rugged." "You think this beard's just for show?" "Don't worry." "I got a pack of food Gore-Tex everything and a new pair of boots." " Did you say new boots?" "Amy!" " Amy?" " I didn't forget." "I'll rake the lawn in 19 pages." " Never mind." "Your chores are temporarily suspended." "I need you to write a press bio on me for the Pinecone." "Davenport needs it early afternoon." "I can't." "I have a chem lab due and I have to write a villanelle for poetry which I'll do right after I find out what a villanelle is." "And I have to finish early so I can have tomorrow free to see Colin in Denver." "I'm sorry." "Your father has just received a rather prestigious award." "It won't hurt your college-tuition account for the patient population to be reminded of his achievements." "What award?" ""Excellence and Dedication." How were you picked?" "It's a complicated process." "Simply put they calculate which doctors spent the greatest number of days attending to patients without interruption." "What like an attendance award?" "I'll need to proof it first knowing your facility with run-ons." "Forget it." "Too busy." "Ask Bright." "Oh." "Well then I guess you don't really want that double-pierce." " You're kidding." " On my desk by noon." "No cartilage." "I appreciate you and Edna babysitting Irv." "It'll be good for Delia to see people live in a house without yelling." "Happy to have her." " Is he really gonna do this?" " A little rule for a happy life:" "You can't stop a Brown from doing anything." "You can only insist on coming along for the ride." "Well then we'll see you tomorrow right here." "Yeah I'll meet you here by this..." "What do you call this little landmarky-thingy?" " A landmark." " Right." "Hey doc." " A flare gun?" " Just in case." "I understand but the doctor is out." "Way out." "You can keep crying like that till the Botox wears off but it won't bring him back from the woods any sooner." "Monday." "That's right." " I like it when you yell at them." " Me too." " You holding up okay private?" " Almost finished my spelling list." "Edna?" "Has anyone ever talked to God?" "How's that?" "God." "Do people ever talk to him?" "All the time I suspect." "More so in the South." "How do you know when he answers?" "I guess when you get what you want." "But does he ever do anything?" "How about I just tell you where babies come from?" "You don't believe in God either?" "When I was in Camranh Bay..." "My second tour the nasty one." "A shell tore through the top of our tent landed right between six bunks." "We all should have gone up messy right then." "But someone somewhere saw fit to make that shell a dud." "Sat there politely unexploded." "Ever since I figure I'm all out of favors." "And me and God..." "We share a very comfortable "don't ask don't tell" relationship." "So you do believe in him." "Delia..." "If I take you for ice cream would you promise to stop asking questions?" "Offer expires in four seconds." "One two three." " You ought to drink something." " I'm fine." "You gotta stay hydrated." "It's hard to tell but at this altitude you can lose water at a rate..." " Okay please just no stats." "And zip up your coat." " I'm not cold." " You will be in an hour." "You know just for the record you don't know anything about hiking either." " I know that you can't drink stream water." " Everybody knows that." "You know why?" "Giardia lamblia." "A protozoan-cum-waterborne cyst with a nasty knack for twisting up a million duodena." "I also know that young Bambi has four stomachs:" "Rumen reticulum omasum and abomasum." "I always wanted there to be a fifth called "abo-abomasum" but there wasn't." " Deer can run over 35 miles an hour." " You're a neurosurgeon." " How do you know?" " I read it in college." " You remember everything you've ever read?" " Don't you?" "Come on." "Good girl." "I'm pretty sure the trail follows the creek but check the map." "Nope." "Left." "Are you sure?" "I used to navigate people's frontal lobes for a living." "I think I can follow directions." "Come on." "Come on." "I asked for more shading under the neck." "You wanted me to turn your jowls into chin." "Don't abuse the digital age." "Davenport confirmed receipt?" "Hours ago." "You just earned an 8-percent increase in allowance even though you did manage to make my surgery rotation sound like a dalliance." "I wish I was there to see the look on that nut's face when he reads this tonight." "Who?" "Dr. Brown?" " You so have a boy crush on him." " My issue with Dr. Brown is neither flirtation nor rivalry." "It is a crusade to protect both him and this town from the potentially lethal results of his dementia." " And I loathe him." " Only problem is he won't see it." "He's gone all weekend won't be back till tomorrow." " He's out of town?" " Yeah some weird deer quest." "Well then." "That's all right." "Good work." "You get back to your villanelle." " You okay back there?" " Yeah." "Fine." "We've been going downhill for a while." "Shouldn't we be going more up?" "It's a gradual ascent." "We're right on track." "She keeps looking at me funny like she doesn't know where she is." "She's a wild animal." "She's thinking "Hi are you made of food?"" "Come on keep up." "We're making good time." "How's it going with you and Amy Abbott?" "Are you still friends?" "You can cover a lot of groundwork from the friend zone." "Lucky me." "You remember a book you read on relationships in high school." "Okay something more my business." "How's your schoolwork going?" "I should be glad I made it six hours before you turned this into a bond fest." " I'm just trying to talk to you." " Well don't please as a favor to me." "I breathe and it offends you." "What did I do now?" "Nothing." "You've been great." "Don't forget zip your coat." "Are you mad at me because I'm looking out for you?" "You try to parent me then be my buddy." "You're not good at either." "I'm just trying here." "It's bad enough you invited yourself." "Don't embarrass us by trying to leverage it." "I think you'd like to go back to the way it was when we never spoke." "It worked pretty well." "I had my own life." "I could make decisions do things I wanted to." "Do what you want?" "I planned this trip for you!" "Who asked you to?" " This looks familiar." " We're back where he left us." "That's great just great." "Well at least we're not lost." "Look I'm sorry Ephram." " Why are you unpacking?" " I'm setting up camp." "The sun's going down." "We'll start fresh in the morning." "We could still make good time if..." "Davenport stop the presses." "This article on my award it can't run today." " Why not Dr. Abbott?" " There's been a death in the family." " Really?" "Whose?" " My mother." "You wish." "This piece needs to run in tomorrow's edition." "No can do." "The machine's running." "You have to respect the machine." " Nevertheless..." " Doc you of all people should understand." "It was your idea to take my obsessive-compulsive disorder and turn it into something useful." "Now thanks to you and the Pinecone I'm a productive member of Everwood society for 15 years." "Practically saved my life." "Well surely with your progress you can stand to be an hour late this once." "You see that gear?" "That's me." "I'm a gear that has to spin and neither the serotonin reuptake inhibitors nor the man that prescribes them can stop that." "Everyone has something they have to do." "I have to put out a paper you need your article tomorrow." " You say you have to put out the paper." " Yes sir." "Do you have to deliver them?" "No." "But I do have to cover my costs." "Some real interactive babysitting you got going there." " She's fine." " Then where is she?" " What's she doing?" " I'm not sure." "But it looks like she's been doing it for a while." "Don't give me that." "A babysitter's job is to make sure the kid doesn't die that's all." "She's a kid not a grenade." "Hey private." "What do you say to a movie tomorrow?" "My mom says she used to go to synagogue to talk to God." "Could we go to one?" "The nearest synagogue is two hours away." "Maybe we could talk to God somewhere local like a video store." "We can rent The Chosen." "Are you thirsty or something?" "It's for God." "I tried to get him to eat Nina's cookies but that didn't work." "Now I'm waiting to see if he'll knock the glass over." "Anything so far?" "I even put it close to the edge so all he had to do was knock it a little bit." "Why all this recon on God today?" "I just wanted to know about God because if there's no God then there's no heaven." " And if there's no heaven..." " Then where's my mom?" "It's getting late private." "Time to head home." "Five more minutes?" "Sure." " lf you shield it from the wind..." " Don't." "You're forbidden from dispensing advice." "Ever." "You're fired." " You just put a..." " Fired!" "Fine." "You drive." "Come on." "Come on." "That's one way of doing it." " Is she okay?" " She will be when she's safe." "You know you can only do so much for her Ephram." " She may wander again." " I know." "You were right you know." "About me trying to control everything." " I do that." " No really?" "Your mom used to be the only one who could call me on it." "It used to help me keep people alive." "Taking charge." "Knowing the right thing to say all the time." "It's an instinct that I cultivated for surgery that made me capable of doing things so fantastic I can't even take credit for them." "That same compulsion that people nurtured in me then is what's making me..." "Making me screw everything up now." "For you." "For Delia." "These past few months I feel like the only thing I've done right is to help a few strangers get better and stop talking out loud to my dead wife." "Well that's something." " What's that?" " Sidecar." "What for?" "We're gonna go see about a rabbi." "Come on." "Get up that rope!" "Go!" "Go!" " Are we in the Army?" " Closest rabbi outside of a chat room." " Commander Busto." " Ma'am." "I'm the retired Lt. Col. on the horn this morning." "Requesting consultation with company chaplain Hebraic." "Right away ma'am." "Chaplain Roth!" "Front and center!" "This is our Jewish sky pilot still in training." " Army training or rabbi training?" " Army training sir!" "Fully certified at the Jewish Theological Seminary Manhattan New York." "At ease." "Now listen good lieutenant." "This young lady here has a question for you concerning your faith." "What's required is a regulation Jewish answer for how you know God exists." " Are you prepared to answer the question?" " Sir yes sir!" " Do you intend to disappoint her?" " Sir no sir!" " Proceed." " Yes sir!" "There are three essential proofs for the existence of an omniscient deity." "The primary is the Maimonidean cosmological proof in which Aristotelian causal argument is applied." "This is seconded in Midrashic Law in the story of Abraham gazing at the stars." "He equates the night sky to a sumptuous castle found in a field." "Taking in its intricacies one must assume the castle had a builder." "I can't believe you bought a million papers no one reads just to make sure no one would read them." " You know you're insane right?" " Amy don't diagnose your father." "Okay." "I'll visit Colin tomorrow." " What are you reading him these days?" " Jack London's Justice League." "Do you want me to give you a lift?" "You don't think it's crazy to spend your free time reading to someone you're not even sure can hear you?" "If you told me you go because you feel obligated I'd say yes." "That's fairly unhealthy." "But you go because you miss him." "That's all that matters." "That said it would be nice to see you go out once in a while." "I thought that was Mom's thing." "Your mother harps on you because she doesn't want to see you miserable." "I'm saying it because I don't ever want to see you feel guilty for having a life." "Colin was never so happy as when you were laughing." "As far as being crazy I won't call anyone crazy if you don't." "She's been making a devil's fart-ful of noise the last dozen miles but I think I got her fixed." "Lost almost all our gas though." "Darn rock nearly put a hole in the fuel line." "Lovely stuff isn't it?" "It's not the way I remember at synagogue." "I guess not." "You didn't like any of it?" "I liked it when you yelled at him." "Sorry." "I wish I could tell you more but God doesn't like to give easy answers." "I'm okay." "I worry about my Harold too." "He died two years ago." "For a long time I used to wonder if he was okay." "If he's anywhere even." "If he can see me." "I used to make myself nuts over it." "But you know what?" "You know what I didn't see till you came along?" "Making myself nuts was my way of knowing he's still around." "Because you looking all over for God that's your mom." "That's how you know she's okay." "She's in you looking." "Okay private let's press on." "Why aren't we there yet?" "Because we're out of shape." "How far back was Mountain Lion Pass?" " Four blisters ago." " The new boots?" "Yeah I got it now." "Wait a minute." "Do you smell that?" " I don't smell anything." " The sign!" "We made it!" "You got us here!" "The preserve." "So it's up here." "Come on!" "Come on!" "She was supposed to be safe here." "She can't survive in this." "Damn it!" " It's okay Ephram." " No it's not." "Where's she gonna go now?" "What's she gonna do now?" "We'll hike a mile up find another patch in the reserve." "No that isn't her home." "All I wanted to do was bring her home." "You did Ephram." "It's just gone." "This is where she belongs." "She'll..." "She'll do what we did." "She'll find a new home." "Our home is in New York." "Our home was with Mom." "It was." "But she's gone now and we can't go back." "We left New York because there was nothing left for us anymore." "Ephram what you're hanging on to is this." "I just want to go back." "I know." "I know I know I know." "Me too." "Okay Bambi." "I know this isn't your old home but it looks doable to me." "Then again I used to go to school above 96th Street." "Anyway there's no hunting up here." "Now I'd love to tell you that everything's gonna be okay." "That's what everyone told me but it's just not." "You can stay here or you can go back." "Either way it's gonna suck." "But I figure at least when it sucks you know you're alive." "I guess what I'm trying to say is it's okay when everything sucks." "It means you're somewhere." "Now..." "I gotta go." "Everything okay?" "Good as it's gonna be." "Dad?" "Just how out of the brain business are you?" "I don't know." "I haven't given it much thought." "Why?" "You asked me how Amy's doing." "She's still wrapped up in her boyfriend the one in the coma." "She asked me to ask you to take a look at him." "When did she ask you that?" "A while ago." "You're probably gonna have to tell her that." "Probably." "It runs in the family I guess." "What?" "Trying to control everything." "Sorry." "Well here we are." "Thank you for flying." "I didn't want to worry you but we were plumb out of gas back there." " We were?" " There were no stations after I patched the fuel line." "We've been riding on fumes ever since." "Eighty miles new record." "You mean the gas that was only supposed to last for a little bit lasted for 80 miles?" " Guess so." " Like the oil." " It's the miracle of Hanukkah." " What?" "God was showing us." "He's real!" "Maybe you ought to keep this one under wraps." "No way." "I have to call Magilla now." "He was so wrong about God." "Hi Dad!" "She looks miserable." " Thanks for keeping an eye on her." " She's an odd one." " Hope she wasn't too much trouble." " Not at all." "But if you ask me to babysit again you'll meet God." "Thank you Mrs. Dillinger I'm glad that you noticed." "What?" "No no plans to expand the practice just yet." "Well good night." "The phone's been ringing nonstop since the paper came out." "There were a bunch more messages on the machine." "Amy." "Are these all of them?" "Sorry Dad he didn't call." "I don't know what you mean." "Hey is that my Burberry scarf?" "Oh can I borrow it tonight?" "I'm going out with Kayla and Paige." "A guy Kayla's desperate for is throwing his annual kegger on the golf course." "I didn't want to go and then I remembered this was Colin's favorite party of the year." "I can't miss that right?" "Sure you wouldn't rather stay home join a convent?" "I gotta go get in the shower." "Oh can you do me a favor?" "Can you grab my necklace?" "I left it in the hall outside the kitchen." "Are these for regular people or major deities?" " They're for you." " Thank you." "Tell me you didn't give Edna a hard time." "I tried not to." "Did you two find God nicely?" "Really?" "Where was he?" " The gas tank." " I knew it." "Magilla says it's just a coincidence." "That reminds me of something your mom used to say." "She said that coincidence was God's way of preserving physics." "What does that mean?" "You got me but she was awful pretty." "Hey we're doing snacks and..." " Black Beauty." " Want to watch?" "No thanks." "I got something I gotta take care of." "You." "Why do you look as though you're about to vomit?" "Because I might." "Amy!" " Remain outside please." " Coming!" "Your father didn't mention anything about me did he?" "Perhaps something he saw in the paper?" "No not that I know of." "My dad doesn't really do the Pinecone." "Well the warrior's back from his vision quest." "Did you find your spirit animal?" "Let me guess." "You're a marmot." "I have to talk to you for a minute." "You're gonna be really pissed but hear me out before you hate me." "Go on." "We made SpaghettiOs in the woods." "Sandwiches too but I put the SpaghettiO can right in the fire which I started by the way." "I stacked up the kindling like a..." "Like a triangle..." "Ephram." " Yeah?" " Start again." "Right." " Hi." " Hi." "The thing is I lied to you." "I fixed it but I lied." "You asked me to ask my dad to help Colin." "I said I did but I didn't." "My problem is and this is really just one of a whole busload..." "I lost my home recently." "I can't get it back." "It took climbing a mountain for me to realize this." "But you were right." "I came to Everwood and I'm just coasting." "I haven't made anything for myself here." "Except you." "You're what makes this home to me." "I was afraid if my dad helped Colin I'd lose all that." "But I get it." "I mean it takes me a while but I catch up." "Colin is your home." "So I asked my dad to help him." "He's gonna look at him tomorrow." "Not that that makes up for anything I've done but..." "It's happening." "I am sorry." "Okay." "Okay." "Like the man with the printing press said  at some point, we all have something we just have to do." "The gear spins." "Sometimes the spin gets you what you want." "Sometimes it pushes it even further away." "Either way, you have to respect the machine." "[ENGLISH]"