"Looks like it's just you and me tonight, old buddy." "Table for two." "Ahh!" "[ Mid-tempo ragtime music plays ]  What?" "Where's... where's that music coming from?" "Newspapershere." "Newspapers." "Hotsy-totsy." "I think I'm in paradise." "Allaboardthe"a" train!" "I'mgoinghome." "Yes, you are, friend." "Yes, you are." "Chris!" "You're still here?" "Chief said no more sleeping at crime scenes." "You need to pack up your stuff and leave." "Oh, susie, you know perfectly well that this is how I solve cases." "I sleep here until the solution comes to me in a dream, which takes about three or four weeks." "Everyone knows you're." "Locked out of your apartment." "Just pay your landlady the rent" "Oh, just pay the rent?" "That's what you would do?" "Well, obviously you don't know a couple of things." "For starters, my landlady refuses to provide me with an in-home tanning machine, which" " is how I do my cooking." " Leave!" "All right, susie." "You know what that's called?" "Tampering with evidence." "So, chief, I think I'm gonna hang in the office for a little while." "Why don't you, um, have your assistant send up some fresh linens, the Miami herald, and the Cleveland plain dealer?" "The answer is absolutely no, monsanto." "This isn't a hotel, damn it." "Now pay attention." "We'vegotacrisisonourhands." "We've got a number of reports of elderly people going missing." "We think they're being" "Chief, you know, my, uh, dance card's kind of full these days." "Why don't you have one of your eager-beaver interns handle this one, huh?" "[ Clicks No." "I want you to investigate." "You can start by checking out the senior living center." "You've got to go undercover, monsanto." "Deepundercover." "Chris..." "We'regonnause all  the technology at our disposal to transform you into an old man." "Now, the first thing we're gonna do is surgically damage your bladder." "Now, if it's successful, you should feel the need to urinate about every 30 minutes." "Then we'll cut off your oxygen supply to induce a low-level" "[ Gagging ]  Next, we'll hollow out all your bones so that they're nice and brittle." "And finally, we'll give you a white wig, like an old man." "Thatwillbe thefinaltouchto complete the transformation." "Yeah, I guess so." "Thislooksjustlike myroom," "A kitchenette?" "Yeah,Evelynlovedtocook." " My wife." "She passed away." " Wait a second." "So Evelyn dies, and you got to keep the kitchenette?" "Yeah." " You're okay." "My name is bud." " I'm chr..." " crisp." "Crisp?" " Mm-hmm." "Itellyouwhat,crisp." "Meand theguys are hitting the town for a little lunch." " Uh, you care to join us?" " Are you buying?" "No..." " But the government is." " Oh, well, why didn't you say so, bud?" "[ Both laugh ] Okay." "Let's go." "Onlythendo youtakethetoothpickout of the sandwich." "I mean, it holds the club sandwich together. [ Laughter ] You know, I haven't heard from" "Thank you." "Mmm." "And now for a little dessert." "Yeah." "I'd like to get me a piece of that, if you know what I mean." "Boom shaka-laka-laka!" "Boom shaka-laka!" "Wanttojustget inthereand mmm!" "[ Laughs ] Just like go at it, you know?" "Take a little of that and put it on a cracker and just go" "Get right in there, you know what I mean?" "Andjust" "Igotto tellyou ,Iam  having the time of my life with you guys. [ Mid-tempo ragtime music plays ]" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Shh !" "Listen." "Youguyshearthat?" "Oh, yeah." "You know what that is?" "That'sthenewKevineubanks album." "Its very hot." "Comeon !" "We're going to find out where its coming from." "Hey." "The music's coming from down there." "Where are we?" "What the hell is going on?" "Hello." "I'm Mickey Rooney." "Mickey Rooney, not Mickey mouse." "Oh..." "Soonerorlater,Iknow that  you're all gonna ask yourselves, "where in the heck am I?" "" You're in studio, a Hollywood studio." "What a thrill." "Youknow,you...you can bea  star yourself. "With what?" "" You say?" "With your wattle." "It'srighthere." "It'll make any sound you want." "Youknow,makingsoundscan be expensive." "Folks like you and me and our wattle can save companies millions!" "Right here." "Thankyou." "You can all sit down now, and we'll show you to your rooms." "Sleep tight." "Idon'tlikethis,crisp." "Wegotto findawayoutof here." "Yeah." "Okay,bud." "Um ,listen." "I'm just gonna go take a nap in my complimentary room." "Ifyou'renotbackby5: 00 ,I'll  assume I can eat your dinner, right?" "Evelyn?" "Evelyn." "You'renotdead!" "Boom,boom,meow." "It's bud." "Say," it'sbud."" "  Arf, arf, crackle." "What have they done to you?" " Acceptable." "Not bad." "Ah!" "Nice, very nice." "Okay." "Lookwho itis." " I guess we're gonna be "bathroom buddies." " No." "No, no." "No, no." "No, no, no, no, no, no." "Crispmonsantodoesnot sharetoilets." "No." "Its time to check out of this dump..." "And check into hotel vengeance." "Chris:" "Everybodywantedmeto do it, the conductor most ofall." "It'sme." "Say,"it 'sbuddy." Ribbit." "Chris:" "I feltlikehewasup there, waiting for me to take the pain away." "Bud!" "Bud!" "Oh!" "Bud, bud!" "Oh, hang in there, pal." "Hanginthere." "Wesuregavethemahellofarun , Yeah." "Yeah, we did bud." "We did." "Seeyouonthetopfloor, crisp." "Okay, ugh." "I don't need this on me right now." "All right, folks." "It's all over." "You're all free." "You can all go home now." "Okay?" "Move it on out." "That's it." "Comeon." "Offyou go." "Skoo.[ Clicks tongue ] Shoot." "Shoot." "Aah." "Explosion." "Get him!" "Shoot!" "This sucks." "  War!" "Ow!" "Shoot." "Shoot." " You wanted to see me," "Great job on the case, monsanto." "Got another one for you." "It's a gruesome murder-suicide in a two-bedroom duplex on orchard street." "Blood and brain matter all over the California-king-size bed." "Southern exposure?" "You better believe it." "You earned it." "You know something?" "You're right." "I did earn it."