"Wow, I've never been a "person of interest" in a murder investigation before." "Well, just for the record Wood, it's not a good thing." "Oh, come on, it's pretty cool." "I haven't felt this important since I was" "Mr. December, in the 1997 Colt Calendar, remember?" "They had me completely naked, but i had that Santa hat on." "They had me on all fours with my ass in the air in that sling." "And those elves came up..." "Do you mind, we're eating here!" "Excuse me for wanting to relive my glory days." "Look, the guy was murdered at our house so we have to clear our names." "Somebody had to have poisoned either the food or the drinks at the party." "OK now, think" "Who was around the food all night?" "You were." "Who was around the bar drinking all night?" "You were." "Okay." "What about the caterer?" "You guys should go talk to her." "Us!" "Why us?" "You're the one who hired her." "I can't." "I have an audition later." "(laughter)" "For what?" "It's a very high profile audition for the Disney Channel." "It's a show called Super Hoops." "It's about a junior high school basketball team that all realizing they have super powers." "And I play the unsuspecting gym teacher." "Gym teacher?" "Nelson, why don't you audition for roles that you can actually book?" "But you know what, I heard they are making a new bio-pic on John Wayne Gacy." "Oh my god, he would be perfect for that." "I know, he dressed up as a clown and worked kids parties too!" "And he's the same weight..." "Oh, come on!" "John Wayne Gacy!" "Really?" "!" "Hey, you don't know who's casting that do you?" "No." "All right, look." "I'm gonna go on this audition, alright." "And I'm gonna book it too." "And you, your unemployed." "And you are supposedly a travel writer." "Even though I've never seen any article." "Have you?" "You set your own schedule." "So you guys have plenty of time to go talk to the caterer." "I can't I have a job interview today." "But, you know what, I could blow it off." "I just probably won't have this month's rent." "Forget it!" "You owe me last month's rent too." "Plus that extra fee for paying after the 5th." "Whatever." "What about you?" "I can't." "I have a date." "With who?" "Him." "You don't even know him." "I know, but he just sent me a message on Growlr." "And, he's got my entire checklist." "BDSM, Kink, Raunch, Leather, Jock Straps, Cock Ring, Tit" " Clamps, both Dom and Submissive." "That's your checklist!" "Who are you, the Marquis de Sade?" "What is some of that stuff?" "I don't even know what some of that stuff is!" "Is it even legal?" "!" "Look, ok fine." "I'll go talk to the caterer alright." "But you know what?" "You don't see me dropping everything for some guy." "(phone rings)" "Oh my God!" "It's him!" "Give it Wood!" "Hello." "Oh, hey Babe." "No I'm just sitting here thinking about you." "Well yah." "Apparently somebody poisoned him at our party." "Yah, Wood found a martini glass that was near the dead body." "And we think it might have been his cocktail." "I know." "Alright, text me later." "Bye." "So?" "Did he go by the police station to give an interview?" "No." "He had a good excuse." "He worked a double shift and he was exhausted." "Ok fine." "I know what you guys are thinking." "You're thinking." "What's he hiding?" "And what is a hot guy like him with a guy like me." "Right?" "We didn't say that." "Why is it so hard to believe?" "That a hot stud like Todd would wanna be with somebody like me?" "Come on." "That guy wants to be with you Reggie." "And you're average looking too." "Average!" "Really?" "!" "Well, would an average guy can get a hit from someone less than 250 feet away." "Yah!" "That's right." "I can go around the corner and top that hot Armenian guy at the flower mart, or I could bottom for this guy over here." "Which you know what, I think that's what I'm gonna do right now." "Because I am definitely NOT AVERAGE!"