"Excuse me, I.D., please." "I.D.?" "That's cute." "I'm Jack Gordon." "There's my I.D. right there." "Where?" "There's one guy in the photo!" "Oh, you wish you were that guy!" "I didn't know they allowed pets in the office now." "Or is that one of those special dogs that weird people can take anywhere?" "You're not allowed to ask if it's an... emotional support animal." "I think I have my answer." "Jack Gordon?" "It is so incredible to meet you." "I'm Clark, online content curator." "Hi, Clark, obviously made-up job title." "You're the reason I got into outdoor journalism." "I heard you were coming in today, so I reread your book!" "That's a penis." "Mason!" "Sorry." "Hey, do you mind stopping by the digital department?" "I'm actually supposed to meet Roland, so..." "Oh nice, it's on the way." "By the way, I got the same Moab boots you called "life savers"" "when you were stranded in Denali National Park." "Oh, you do a lot of mountain climbing in midtown Chicago?" "None..." "My feet are crazy sweaty!" "Come on!" "Guys, this is the Jack Gordon!" "Jack, this is our social influencer, Emma." "Oh, my God, you're a legend, I can't believe you're here." "That's actually pretty excited for her." "And this is our digital conversation specialist," "Mason." "Oh, Mason." "It's nice to put a face to the penis." "Not always." "Uh...?" "Oh, let me help you with this pack here." "Oh!" "The new EV-2!" "I didn't know this bad boy was out." " Ah!" " Ah!" "There's a sick kid in there wearing a diaper." "Oh, that's..." "That's Zeb." "He can't leave the tent for 30 days." "We got a 24/7 video feed." "Meals, bathroom, everything in that tent." "Also, Zeb's demo-ing this new underwear that's so rad, they claim you don't have to change them for two weeks." "Yeah, those aren't working out." "And good news, we just had our most retweeted online poll:" ""Best Outdoor Gear for the Zombie Apocalypse."" "Yeah, nailed it!" "Can you guess the number one zombie-killing tool?" "Uh, remembering zombies don't exist?" "No, it was tent spikes, but we didn't give you enough time." "Oh, yes, tent spikes, you're so right, and so diverse." "So, good luck with your curating and pooping and genital photos." "I'm gonna go see the guy who runs the real magazine." "I'll think of you on my flight to Patagonia." "Not as smart as he thinks." "Patagonia's, like, three blocks away." "Roland!" "Jack!" "Jack!" "Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!" ""The bird a nest, the spider a web, man... friendship."" ""It takes two to make a thing go right."" "Oh, I've missed you, Jack." "Sorry to have pulled you out of the wild." "I know you don't like that." "What can I get you to restore your aging spirit?" "Oh, I'll have what you're having." "Then you'll be having your third scotch of the morning." "I never saw this." "Your sherpa thanked you?" "Oh, Pasang, yes, yes." "I carried him down K2." "I get more credit for that than I deserve, to be honest." "It was either him or my backpack, and he weighed considerably less than my pack." "They are a tiny, tiny people." "Roland, you okay?" "Well, to be honest, Jack, not everything is rosy at the ranch." "This month is our last print issue." "The magazine is done?" "No, like Newsweek and many others, it will continue as a website." "So the magazine is done." "Not without a fight." "To that end, I've considerably beefed up our online resources." ""Resources" is a strong word for the digital daycare division I just met." "Walk with me." "My boy, you know how much you mean to this magazine." "This walk is suddenly feeling very Green Mile to me." "How can I best put it?" "There's a German folktale called "Der Wolf Auf Seinem Totenbett,"" "and I would tell it to you now, but this hallway is shorter than I remember and we're already here." "Where?" "Behold, your new assignment!" "Jack!" "Hey, look!" "I tied my own knot!" "You're pulling me from the field?" "When were you going to tell me?" "Well, I was hoping to weave it into that German folktale, but I still can't get over how short that hallway is." "Look, I need you here desperately, Jack." "You're the voice of the magazine." "Those young kids, they're smart, yes, but they don't know what to write about." "Yeah, I've seen the website." ""Best Three Ways to Drink Your Own Urine"?" "There is no best way." " You just drink it." " You just drink it." "Hi, Dad." "Jack?" "Hi." "Brooke, hi!" "Wow." "Hi." "I haven't seen you since you showed up to the company retreat." "Yeah, when we were paired together with those trust falls." "Yes, that went well." " It was a lot of trust." " Yeah." "Crazy amount of trust." "A whole night of trust." "I didn't realize you'd be doing all that falling." "Did you have some sort of protection?" " Yeah." " She made me." "You look great." "Married life is treating you well." "Not married yet." "Still engaged." "Long engagements, always a good sign." "Yeah." "So, is this "Take Your Daughter to Work Day"?" "No, I'm actually helping my dad run the magazine now." "Oh, so I'd be working with her?" "With her?" "No, no, no, no." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." "No, for her." "It's quite simple, Jack." "You know the magazine." "Brooke, unlike the pair of us, knows how to engage with those youngsters." "So I need you both." "It takes two to make a thing go... correctly, yes?" "But I don't belong here." "I can help you more if I'm out there, getting you stories." "Jack, there is no more "out there."" "Every adventure magazine is cutting back on field reporting." "I wouldn't be asking if I didn't think you were our last chance." "It doesn't sound like you're asking." "Oh, I can make anything sound like a question." "Jack, you owe me?" "You must do this?" "Or you'll be fired?" "Ugh." "Jack!" "Clark, what is that?" "We tried some roadkill recipe on the camping stove and it turns out possum is super oily." "Well, at least I can't smell Zeb." "That makes one of us." "Jack and I just met with Roland, and it looks like starting from tomorrow," "Jack is gonna be supervising you guys." "Yes!" "Wait, I got passed over for a promotion again?" "What do I have to do?" "I've been here eight weeks!" "Roland just wants Jack here to share his expertise on the magazine with you guys." "And of course, on the outdoors." "Yeah, but what's his digital media footprint?" "He has no Twitter, no Facebook..." "It's like he doesn't exist." "Oh, but he does have a website from 1996." "How old are you?" "Because that baby's old enough to have its own baby now." "You're like the human version of dial-up." "Don't worry about it, Jack." "I'm going to set up your Instagram account right now." "Please don't do that." "Too late." "My mom's already following you." "Great." "Okay, Jack, why don't you start by telling these guys what the magazine means to you?" "Okay, yeah." "Well, I think it's about getting out:" "getting out of your house, out of the city, out of your ruts..." "Maybe we should change the name of the magazine to Out." "Well, Out is already a gay magazine." "Uh, you're not allowed to say that anymore." "No, Out is a real gay magazine." "Ooh, now he's calling it real gay." "No, it's an actual gay magazine." "Ask Mason." "Why me?" "Because, uh..." "Are you saying I'm gay, Jack?" "I don't, uh..." "Bandana?" "That's..." "I'm just messing with you, man!" "So you are?" "Are you seriously asking me?" "No!" "Jack!" "I heard you were back in town." "You did?" "How?" "Your Instagram." "Eddie, what's different about this place?" "Oh, that's right..." "Customers." "Dude, I raised the price of PBR by a dollar and more of these kids came." "Then I raised it to six dollars a can." "There was a line out the door." "How long are you in town for?" "I don't know." "They're trying to keep me in the office, and I have to work for Brooke." "Trust fall Brooke?" "Mm-hmm." "That means you slept with your boss." "That's hot." "And I should know." "I'm my own boss." "Thank you for that imagery." "I gotta get out of there." "I just spent the last few hours faxing my résumé everywhere." "Faxing, huh?" "Your pager didn't blow up?" "Eddie, I don't need it from you." "I've been getting it all day from these stupid 20-somethings." "Shh!" "Hey, hey." "Go back to your phones." "They're smarter than you think they are." "They hustle and know how to make money, which is why I can charge $12 for ironic Spam sandwiches." "Eddie, are we old?" "No!" "You're younger than they make you feel." "Look, if you really want to test how old and out of it you are," "I found a test on BuzzFeed that can measure your age to almost 90% certainty." "Oh, like the replicant test in Blade Runner?" "Pencils down." "You're old." "Good morning, everyone." "We need some digital tie-ins to your piece on the bears." "So Jack, why don't you start by inspiring us with your experience?" "Oh, all right." "Well, Kodiak Island is the largest island off the coast of Alaska..." "Got it!" "A slide show link:" ""Five Things to Do If You're Attacked by a Bear."" "That's good, Jack, this is totally your thing." "What do you think?" "Oh, well, obviously bear spray." "No, there is no bear spray." "The attack's already on." "DiCaprio versus Bear!" "Jack, just name one thing to do if a bear attacks." "Die." "You die." "I've seen it." "Maybe change the list to "Top One Thing to Do"?" "Guys, Roland wanted me to get you to write stories that inspire people." "Now, I lived on Kodiak Island with bear cubs that were coming out of hibernation for the very first time." "Very few people have ever seen this." "I just found these bears playing in someone's swimming pool." "That's pretty cool." "No, guys, this is not what I'm talking about!" "I'm talking about a majestic species on the brink of extinction." "You guys don't know what it's like to look at a creature that is the last of its kind." "Yeah, we do." "Okay, this was a really good meeting, guys." "Thank you so much..." "You're all so... confident." "You went to good schools." "You played on winning teams." "We only won two games that year." "You're holding a huge trophy." "Uh, yeah, we got that 'cause we all tried really hard." "Yeah, well, so did the team that won!" "Trophies are for winners." "Ew." "Clark, what are you doing?" "I'm listening." "I'm just setting up for my podcast." "You've got a podcast?" "About what?" "I interview people." "Who are you interviewing today?" "Mason." "And what are you interviewing Mason about?" "His podcast." "All right, stop this!" "Stop this right now!" "This is work!" "You guys always expect work to be fun." "You can't just post animal videos and call it journalism." "You can't take a word, remove some vowels, and think it's a great app." "And Clark, get a podcast when you have something to say." "In fact, you should have the first silent podcast because up to this point, you have said nothing that improves on silence." "That's a really good idea." "Mr. Gordon, do you realize why this meeting has been called between you, human resources, our general counsel, and your superior?" "Because I made Clark cry." "You made Clark cry." "You created a hostile work environment which puts our company in jeopardy of a lawsuit." "Hah!" "Uh..." "Young adults today are a very delicate group." "We offer an entire class on how to deal with them." "Is the class called, "I Was Born in the "90s, Wahhhhh"?" "Look, we're both getting up there in years." "It's frustrating." "Sometimes, I want to beat them senseless with their selfie sticks." "But they're the only reason any of us are still employed right now, so get used to it." "Jolly good." "Human resources and a lawyer on your second day." "Save something for the Christmas party." "Roland, I feel terrible saying this, but I can't do this." "Ah." "Do you know remember the story behind this severed rope?" "No." "No, neither do I." "Still, I'm sure you can work with those kids." "I tried." "I'm sorry." "Shame." "It would have been good for you." ""Twilight and evening bell, and after that, the dark." "And may there be no sadness of farewell when I embark."" "That line called for a dramatic exit, but it is my office, so get out." "So that's it?" "You're just gonna leave for good?" "Oh, I'm sorry, do you need me to submit an official resignation tweet?" "Yes, I'm leaving for good." "Jack, my dad needs you here." "No, he needs you." "You can do everything." "You're smart, you're beautiful, you say "shedule."" "Where are you going to go?" "You can't keep doing this lone wolf thing forever." "Why not?" "That's what lone wolves do." "That's what I've always done." "Look at me posing with all my friends." "I'm not going to change, and I'm fine with that." "Oh, really?" "That's not what you told me that night at the retreat." "Well, we said a lot of things that night we didn't mean, like, "This is my last mojito."" ""I'm gonna go back to my room."" ""Don't use that, that's been in your wallet for years."" "And "I'll call you."" "I did call you!" "Yes, it was a few days later, but by then, you were already running away." "I can't exist in this world, and I can't get through to those kids." "You were once that kid to my dad, and he got through to you." "Now he just needs you to prove that the outside world is more than something on a screen." "Oh, Brooke, I never thought about it that way." "You mean I could forge a lasting, meaningful relationship with the younger generation?" "And who knows?" "Even though I'm the teacher, maybe I could end up..." "Blah, blah, blah!" "What's wrong?" "How was work?" "Awful." "I hurt a millennial's feelings." "When are their feelings not hurt?" "Hey!" "See?" "Nachos, on the house." "Clay?" "Clark." "What are you doing here?" "I heard you might be leaving and it was all my fault for crying, so I just wanted to say" "I do not deserve to walk in your shoes." "This is totally unnecessary." "And you should have brought a second pair of shoes." "Look, Jack, you were right about what you said before." "I don't know why I have a podcast." "I have nothing important to say." "But you do, and you inspire people." "We need that around the office." "I know I talk a big game, but I sort of don't know what I'm doing." "I posted one of your old Galápagos stories, like, two hours ago and it has 200,000 views so far." "Whoa, 200,000?" "It's pretty weak." "Slow your roll, bro." "But it was just getting started, and it triggered a crowdfunding campaign to help save the turtles..." "Take a look." "That's a penis." "Damn it, Mason!" "Look, I get it, you care... thank you." "And I don't want to disappoint Roland either." "No, no, no, Roland's gonna be fine." "It was Brooke's idea to bring you back from the field." "It was Brooke's idea?" "Yeah, she's the one who convinced him to call you in." "Thank you for telling me that." "And look, these incredibly sweaty things are yours and you should wear them." "Hey, I got an opening tomorrow for my podcast if you wanna..." "Don't push it." "Yeah, I'd get out of there if I were you, too." "Whoa!" "That must have been dirty and smelly." "Is there any other way?" "Thank you for coming back." "My dad will be very happy." "Mm." "Just your dad?" "Yes." "Hmm?" "Yes!" "Okay." "Good morning, you guys." "I need to start with an apology." "No, no, it's okay, I forgive you!" "We hashed it out last night." "We hang out outside of work." "It's cool, don't make a big deal about it." "I know you guys always have to have fun at work, so I thought I'd bring you some of the real world that I keep talking about, courtesy of the Illinois Wildlife Conservatory." "Aw!" "You guys, can we put away the phones for one second?" "I swear this will be an experience even without recording it." "So, this is Henry." "His species has had quite a bit of trouble recently, but with a little bit of help, he's gonna learn how to adapt." "Wow, you know, in a way, that's a lot like what's happening..." "You draw a parallel right now," "I will tear both your arms off and beat you with them." "So, what do you think?" "Any ideas?" "We could set up an interactive fact sheet to chart his weight and growth." "Our site can auto-route to the donation page." "And each page will have a link to one of Jack's essays about tracking the bears in their habitat." "And I will tell my friends to read these links when I see them." "In person." "So, Roland, what do you think?" "Wonderful!" "Wonderful bear." "I know you were talking, but I'm afraid I didn't hear a single word any of you said." "It sounded enthusiastic, though, and motivated, so well done, good job." "Now," "Henry and I are going down for our nap." "I put some scotch in his milk." "Thank you all so much." "It means the world to me, you know that." "Come on, Henry." "Well, kids, that was okay." "Not great, not even really that good, but..." "But!" "We did all try really hard, and I think you know what that means." "Trophies?" "!" "Uh-huh!" "Congratulations." "Good job guys, seriously." "Here you go." "I'm just gonna give him part of it." "I don't feel like he really participated." "Mr. Gordon, do you realize why we're here again?" "I brought a bear into the office." "You brought a bear into the office." "And?" "And it ate Esther's support animal." "Um... hmm!"