"[BAND PLAYING JAZZ FUSION]" "[SINGING]" "Max, you're the record executive, but in my objective opinion that was the best song in the history of music." "I hope Jesse and the Rippers have an album out by Christmas." "What a great stocking stuffer for my thousands of friends." "Steph, why don't we go out and get jobs so we have money to spend on concert tickets, posters and T-shirts?" "I want my Jesse and the Rippers lunch box." "Run along, kids." "I don't know where they learned to kiss up like that but, gosh, I love those shoes." " Well, I thought you guys were great." " All right." "But my opinion means nothing." "ALL:" "Oh." "I'll give this to my boss and if he likes you guys as much as I do, big things could happen." "Well, thanks very much." "Appreciate it." "And you look great." "You really look good today." "Did I tell you I love those shoes?" "Because I do." "I love the shoes." "Ugly shoes." "Joey, could you please make a sandwich for Glen?" "Well, sure." "Who's Glen?" "My invisible friend." "He's sitting right there." " Napkins." " Get up." "Get up." "Get up." " Why?" "What's the matter?" " You sat on Glen." "Please be careful." "Danny, that's no way to treat Michelle's imaginary friend." "All right, Glen, I'll just straighten up your tie and here, let me adjust your sombrero." "[CHUCKLING]" "Joey, he moved over there." "Of course he did." "And he's not wearing a "sambrero."" "Well, it looked like a sambrero to me." "Uh...." "Hi, Glen." "How you doing?" "Nice to meet you." "Whoa, he's got quite a grip." "Speaking of grips, you boys better get one." "It's perfectly normal for young children to have imaginary friends." "When D.J. was a kid, she had an imaginary duck named Norton." " Norton." " A duck." "Hey, Norton was just a phase." "I grew out of it." "That's true." "She forgot all about Norton when she made friends with Kimmy." "Man, I miss that duck." "You'll be sorry when I'm gone, Mr. T." "How would I know?" "You never leave." "[PHONE RINGING]" "I'll get it." "Hello?" "Oh, okay." "D.J., it's Norton, the duck." "[STEPH LAUGHING]" "I quack myself up." "Steph, honey, is that for me?" " Yeah, it's Dr. Crane's office." " Oh, great, it's about time." "Hello." "You're kidding." "You're kidding." "You're kidding!" "He's kidding." "Well, thank you, thank you, thank you." "Oh, boy." "Oh, boy." "Oh" "Beef jerky, anybody?" "Becky, could I talk to you for a second, please?" "Well, sure, Danny." "I also have ranch-flavored." "Hey, I wanna come too." "What are we waiting for?" "Let's eavesdrop." "Okay, Becky, let's review." "You went to the doctor, he called you back, you said:" ""Thank you, thank you."" "And you've been living on beef jerky for the last three days." "It doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going on." "Yeah, she's obviously iron deficient." "And you're obviously brain deficient." "Joey, Rebecca is pregnant." " Pregnant?" " Shh!" "D.J. AND KIMMY:" "Pregnant?" "Who's pregnant?" "Uh, I am." "Way to go, Joey." " Girls, I'm gonna have a baby." " You're gonna have baby?" "Yeah, shh!" "Be quiet." "Jesse's upstairs and he still doesn't know." " Well, I'll tell him." "Follow me, everyone." " Wait a minute." "Hold it." "Hold it." "Nobody is saying a word about me being pregnant." "You know, eventually he will find out." "I'm gonna tell him, tonight, over a romantic candlelight dinner." "So promise me you won't say a word, okay?" "GIRLS:" "Promise." "DANNY:" "Sure." "Glen wants to know where babies come from." "Uh, Cleveland." "Michelle, we talked about how babies come from mommies' tummies." "Glen wants to know where the babies sleep in there." "Well, the baby sleeps in kind of a little, cozy waterbed." "Oh." "You tell Glen if he has any more questions he should ask his invisible parents, okay?" "Let's go finish lunch." "Hey, Beck, something wrong?" "I'm just a little nervous about how Jesse's gonna take the news." "I mean, we've talked about having a baby but not for a couple of more years." "I'm sure Jesse is gonna be thrilled." "I hope so." "Boy, it's too bad you're not an elephant." "Elephants, they're pregnant for two years." "By the time little Dumbo pops out, you're right on schedule." "The little guy, you know:" "[TRUMPETING LIKE AN ELEPHANT]" " Where's Becky and Joey?" " They're in there." "Joey, Becky." "Come here." "I want you all to hear this." "The president of the record company heard my demo and wants to meet me." "ALL:" "Great!" " I'll see you guys later." "Jesse, we all just want you to know that we're really, really happy for you." " What's going on?" " Well, Jess, you better get going." "You know, you don't wanna be late." "Michelle, honey, you stay here." "But don't you wanna tell him?" "Goodbye?" "Yes, I do." "Goodbye, sweetheart." "And, hey, good luck, you manly man, you." "Boy, can we keep a secret or what?" " Beck, you'll never guess what" " Oh, wait." "Wait." "I'm not ready yet." "Oh, darling, you're home at last." "You did all this for me?" " I have some really great news for you." " I've got some great news for you." "Get this, the record company said we had this retro-punk- hip-hop-Euro-trash-garage beat." "Don't know what it means, but it must be good, they signed us!" "Oh, honey, that's great." " I wanna hear all about it over dinner." " All right, what are we having?" "I'm glad you asked because we are having baby shrimp baby corn and baby back ribs." "Good, because, baby, I'm starved." "Jess, sweetheart, do you see some sort of a theme running through this meal?" "Oh, there's a theme?" "Oh, how fun." "All right." "Let me guess." "Okay." "Baby shrimp, all right, baby ribs, baby corn." "Honey finger foods." "Beautiful." "I love it." " Very, very clever." " Yeah, nothing gets by you." "I'm so excited." "I can't believe this." "Jesse and the Rippers are going on tour this summer." "And this is the best part our first stop is a state fair opening up for Aerosmith." "You're gonna open up for Aerosmith?" "Technically, we're opening a few days before Aerosmith gets there." "But why nitpick?" " So you're going away?" " You're coming with me." "I mean, you have vacation time coming up, right?" "The timing is perfect." " What do you mean?" " I mean, think about it." "I mean, we're both young nothing tying us down, no responsibilities." "It's party time." "I'm too excited." "I can't eat." "I gotta tell everybody." "I love you so much." "Oh, what was the good news you had?" "Oh, it can wait." "JESSE:" "All right." "We're just having a baby." "Ready?" "Guess." "Tire." "Big Bird." " Lifesaver." " Cheerio?" "Big Bird." "Michelle, it's not Big Bird." " Is it a doughnut?" " Yes, it's a doughnut." "Next clue." "Big Bird." "ALL:" "It's not Big Bird." "Don't have a cow." "That's it." "She got it." "See, doughnut." "Half a cow." "Don't have a cow." "I win." "My turn." "I wonder if Becky told Jesse about the baby yet." "I don't think so." "We haven't heard him scream." "Man, he's on a roll today." "He's having a baby." "He might have a record deal." "And he's having a great hair day." "I'm done." "You'll never guess." "ALL:" "Big Bird." "You guys are good at this." "I've got the greatest news in the world." " We know." "Way to go." " I haven't told you yet." "I guess, you can tell by my face." "I'm beaming." "We sure can." "Congratulations on your miracle." "Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a miracle." "I mean, it took a lot of hard work." "You know, at the risk of being vain, some natural raw talent too." "I mean, you know, I've been practicing for years." "In friends' garages, basements." "And listen, when the big night comes, I want you all there with me and Becky screaming and yelling, and holding up lighters and chanting:" ""Jesse, Jesse, Jesse...."" " What?" " What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about going on tour with my band." "What are you--?" "Boy, oh, boy, is my stomach hungry." "Honey, would you mind going into the kitchen and getting me a chunk of beef jerky?" "Thank you so much, sweetheart." "I don't know what I'd do without you." " Are you trying to get rid of me?" " Oh, no, not at all." "Now, beat it." "You didn't tell him about the baby yet?" "Well, I started to." "But he was so excited about going on tour and not having any responsibilities that I chickened out." "You have to tell him." "You're right, Danny." "I'll just look him straight in the eye and say:" ""Jess, you wanna play picture charade?"" " No." " Sure you do." "Of course you do." "Yes, you do." "Just come right back here, honey, and have a seat right over there." "Now, everybody, this game is just for Jesse, okay?" "All right, Jess, you just sit right there and pay very close attention." "All right." "Now, it's a movie title." "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." "No, Michelle, that's cheese." "Cheese." " Yeah, but it's a movie title." " Oh, simple." "Dances With Cheese." " No." " All right, Driving Miss Cheesy." " No." " Oh, I got it." "I got it." "Home Provolone." "Right?" "Next clue." "Half." "Okay, cheese half." " Cheese half." " Okay, great." "Next clue." "Bottle, beaker, bottle, vase." "Ink." "Gee, you're good, Uncle Jesse." "Yeah, I'm pretty good." "Okay, cheese half ink." "Cheese half ink?" "She's having. "She's having."" "Yes!" "Yes!" "That's right." "Okay, last clue." "JESSE:" "She's having a...." "She's having a...." "She's having a hot dog." " No." " Well, what?" "It's clearly a bun with a wiener sticking out with a happy face." "No, Jess, it's not She's Having a Hot Dog, it's She's Having a Baby." "And the she is me." "I'm having a baby." "Oh, you're having a--?" "You hear that?" "She's having" " What?" "You're having a baby?" "How did this happen?" "Well, I know how it happened." "Really?" "Do you know what this means?" "We're having a baby." "I'm gonna be a father." ""Good night stars, good night air." "Good night noises everywhere."" "That was beautiful." "Thank you." "There'll be another performance tomorrow night." "Same time, same chair." "Me and Glen will be there." "Honey, let's talk about Glen for a second." "You know, it's fun to have a Glen, or a pretend duck like Norton or my best friend when I was a kid, Terry, the talking washcloth." "But what is it you like about Glen?" "He's my friend." "My other friends are gone." "Oh, because preschool just ended." "Oh, so that's why Glen just showed up." "Don't worry, next week you start kiddy camp and you're gonna meet all kinds of new friends." " Really?" " Yeah, really." "And if you want to, you can take Glen with you." "That's okay." "He talks too much." "Sorry, Glen." "I love you, Michelle." "I love you, Daddy." "You know, pretty soon it's gonna be your kid saying, "I love you, Daddy."" "I can't wait." "I remember when D.J. was born." "Pam and I, we looked down at this innocent little baby that we actually brought into the world." "And it felt like I don't know, this is why we're here." "So you wanna do the honors and tuck Michelle in?" "Yeah." "I can use all the practice I can get." "Good night, honey." " Good night." " Good night." "Michelle, Michelle your Aunt Becky and I are having a baby." " You're gonna have a new little cousin." " Is it a boy or a girl?" " Well, we don't know yet." " Then you can name it Big Bird." "I can't believe that I'm gonna be a daddy." "You think I'm ready to raise a little kid?" "You're doing a very good job with me." "Thank you." "Let me tell you, I'm gonna be the best darn daddy a kid could ever have." "And I'm not gonna miss one second of little Big Bird's life." "Starting right now, I'm not leaving Becky's side." " You're aren't going away?" "Goody." " Of course I'm not going away." "Oh, the band." "[SIGHS]" "This is something I've always wanted to do, go on the road and have a deal with a record company." "And I can't let the guys down." "Without me, Jesse and The Rippers would be And The Rippers." "Then again, I can't let Becky down." "I mean, she's my wife." "How do I choose?" "Easy." "Put out your hands and play the eenie meenie game." "Come on, Michelle, I'm an adult." "Do you want my help or not?" "Eeenie, meenie, miney, moe Catch a tiger by the toe" "If he hollers let him go" "You better stay with Big Bird." "That's exactly what I was thinking." "Michelle, I love our little talks." "You always make things seem so simple." "Thanks for the advice, shorty." "Just doing my job." "Whoa, this baby thing happened a lot faster than I thought." "Honey, will you still love me..." " ...when I look like this?" " Of course." "It'll be great because I'll have a place to set popcorn when we watch TV." " Very funny." " Yeah." "Now, listen." "I've had some expert advice and I've made a very important decision." "I'm canceling the tour and I'm gonna stay with you." "Jess, who'd you get this expert advice from?" "Michelle." "She used the eenie, miney, moe method." "That's very sweet, but what are you gonna miss in the next eight weeks?" "Morning sickness, midnight cravings, swollen ankles, mood swings." "Hey, look, I don't care." "I'm gonna be right by your side 24 hours a day." "I'm gonna be there, helping you, supporting you." "Whatever you need." "That's really gonna get on my nerves." "Is this a mood swing?" "Because I'm there for you." "Watch." "See, hey, hi, babe." "I'm there for you, babe." "See how that works?" "Honey, I think it's very sweet that you wanna be by my side but we don't have to stay home." "Like you said, I have some time off." "I could take vacation on the road with you." "And I could see you on weekends." " You can't travel in your condition." " Yes, I can." "The doctor said it's perfectly safe for me to travel." "Well, how do I know?" "I've never been pregnant before." "I'll be fine." "I know how much this tour means to you and I don't want you to miss it." "And that's what this marriage is all about:" "Making each other's dreams come true." "Well, you've already made the best dream of all come true." "So you're really happy about having the baby right now?" "Well, I mean, you know, we didn't plan it, but who cares?" "Yes." "I'm so happy." "Thanks for making me be a daddy." "Thanks for making me a mommy." "I love you." "Hello, there's a kid in the room." "Michelle, what are you doing awake?" "I didn't say good night to Big Bird." "Big Bird?" "That's our baby." "You named our baby Big Bird?" "Well, you know, just for now until we find out if it's a boy or a girl or a 9-foot yellow Muppet." "Good night, cousin Big Bird." "See you soon." "Get over here, you silly goose."