"Thousands of miles of wilderness." "And right in the middle of it all was our apple farm." "As exciting as life was on our apple farm..." "I still had plenty of time to listen to music." "And to think about the universe." "Mom loved cooking." "She'd spend most of her time baking huge apple pies." "Dad was a man of the land." "His interest was in the balance and harmony of nature." "Gotcha." "Yep, us Einsteins had always been apple farmers." "And that's what my dad had planned for me." "But I just couldn't get the hang of it." "So that's why I was in the orchard that day." "I was practicing." "Look at this, will you?" "Tasmanian devils." "Eat anything, they will." "There's one of the mongrels now." "Good day, mate." "He's eating the bloody orchard." "Albert." "You okay, son?" "For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction." "I've just formulated a complete scientific principle." "Well, I had my first complete scientific theory." "All I had to do was prove it." "Timber!" "So you see, I proved that gravitation is a force... whereby any two bodies attract each other... in proportion to the product of their masses... and inversely as the square of the distance between them, Mom." "You mean what goes up must come down?" "Yeah." "Sorry about the roof, Dad." "Don't worry about it, son." "I've got a job for you." "Now, do you know what I'd like you to do with this valley, Albert?" "What, Dad?" "Dam it!" "But if I dammed it, I'd drown all the wildlife." "Yep, in one go." "Dad, I'm a pacifist." "I believe that all living things... should be able to exist together in harmony." "So you see, Dad, I want to be a physicist." "What do they grow, son?" " Physicists don't grow anything." " What's the use of them, then?" "They study the basic laws and the principles of the universe." "You can study the basic laws and principles of the universe... in the evening, after you've done the washing up." "I'm working on a new kind of music, Mom." "That's nice, dear." "Sometimes I wonder whether he's cut out for farming." "He just doesn't seem to fit in here." "Time for bed, Albert, love." " Good night, Dad." " Good night, Albert." " Good night, Albert." " Good night, Mom." "Sweet dreams, Mommy's little possum." "Albert!" "So you're a scientist, are you, son?" " Yes, Dad." " I've got a job for you in the morning." " Where are we going, Dad?" " Granddad's shed." "It was your granddad's wish... that an Einstein would carry on the work that he began." " What work, Dad?" " You'll find out soon enough, son." "Wow!" "Granddad built a scientific laboratory in here." "Shut the door, son." "This is it, Bert." "The thing that will put us Einsteins into the history books." "Beer." "Beer." "What is beer, Dad?" "The secret of brewing beer is an Einstein tradition." "My father taught it to me." "He taught it to his father, and his father to his father's father." "Sit down, Bert." "The problem is, as is with the problem with all beer... is that it lacks bubbles." "Well, why don't you put bubbles in it?" "Try as it may... mankind has never succeeded in putting bubbles in beer." "The person who succeeds will change the world forever." " Father?" " Not now, Mother." "I've got a headache." "Well, there is one thing that would force bubbles into beer." "I mean, I suppose you can split a beer atom." "Atomic energy." "If you could split the nucleus of a beer atom into two fragments... then the mass of the two fragments... will be less than the mass of the original nucleus... and the difference in mass will be transformed into energy." "Energy equals mass... times the square of the speed of light!" "I'll give it a go." "Right." "Bubbles into beer." "First, isolate the molecular structure... of this alcohol." "Readjust the orbit... of these electrons." "Then all I have to do is split this beer atom." "Where's that chisel?" "Albert." "Is that you?" "Look, Dad!" "Bubbles!" "And it's got a good head, too." "Not bad." "This'll put the Einsteins on the map." " What's happening, Father?" " The boy's finally done it, Mother." "Albert, you're a genius." "How'd you come up with it?" "I discovered the formula for splitting beer atoms." ""Emc."" "We've got to register this at the patent office." "Albert, you've got to go to the mainland." "Goodbye, Bert." " Good luck, son." " Goodbye, Dad." "Goodbye, Mom." "Goodbye." "My son." "Pardon, monsieur?" " What would you like to do?" " You speak English." "Splendid." "Preston Preston... of the Perth Prestons." "Young Newton." "Isn't this unbelievable?" "I, myself, am in the scientific field." "Dozens of scientists come into my office every day." "Of course, I have to turn most of them down." "Yes." "Science has always held a fascination for me." "For example, do you know how a gramophone works?" "It's really very simple." "The little needle picks up these vibrations...." "What the devil is the engine driver up to?" "Stopping the train in the middle of a desert." "Sacré bleu." "Anyway, where was I?" " Very small...." " Yes." "Now, these tiny little vibrations... are caused by dozens of grooves which are cut into the disc... and they go all the way up the arm to a great big horn which amplifies it." "You know, makes it louder!" "Like this." "And voilà." "A song." "See?" "Good day." "I'm sorry." "Oh, my God." "It's just a little snake." "It's a lizard." "Yes." "Now, sound." "How can I describe it to you?" "Sound is like big waves at the beach, you see... because sound travels in waves just like light." " I'm not going too fast for you, am I?" " No." "Light travels as particles." "Light travels as particles and waves." "How can light travel simultaneously in two different ways?" "Space tells matter how to move... and matter tells space how to curve." "Mademoiselle, you must be a student of the sciences." "Yes." "I am to study at the Sydney University." "Fascinating." "You got a scholarship?" "Not exactly." "I won a prize." "The old high school science prize?" "It was a Nobel Prize, 1903, Applied Physics." " Really?" " You see..." "I think that if we could control the ionizing radiation... of the spontaneous disintegration of uranium isotopes... we could harness the forces of nature." "Splitting atoms." "You've heard of the theory to split the nucleus of an atom?" "I've split one once." "You've already split the atom?" "It was only a Tasmanian beer atom." "What?" "That one atom was enough to blow the old man's shed apart." "Really." "Atomic power." "You must tell me more about your research... but first, let me introduce myself." "My name is Marie." "Marie Curie." "Albert." "Albert Einstein." "Do you realize this is a first-class carriage?" "Conductor, there's a bushman in my carriage." " So?" " You see, I worked out that... energy equals mass times the square of the speed of light." "No." "Excuse me." ""Emc?"" "Energy equals mass times the square of the speed of light." "A patent application must be accompanied... by a provisional specification." " What's that?" " An invention." "You have to have an invention to patent an invention." "But it's all in my head." "Well, what do you wish us to do, sir, patent your head?" "We take patents, not formulas." "Good day." "Where did you blow in from, curly?" "Tasmania." "What's that in your pocket, big boy?" "It's a compass." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Have you got a room?" " This is a hotel, isn't it?" " Yes." "You want the big bed, ace?" "Go on." "No." "So, you're looking for a room?" "You want a room with a window?" "Yes, please." "Right." "Here it is, the penthouse." "With en suite bathroom." "Bravo!" "That was excitement." "Are you having a good time?" "Yes, thank you." "The Marriage of Figaro." "That last piece was, of course, where Madame Butterfly emerges from the duck." "It was moving." "Preston, do you remember that strange man from the train?" " Albert Einstein." " The bushman?" "Yes." "What about him?" "I've been thinking about his theory." "That." "Marie, don't waste your time." "Indecipherable nonsense." "Poor beggar probably thought... he could bring it to Sydney and sell it for a fortune." "I think it is most remarkable." "Imagine." "Splitting atoms." "And such primitive equipment." "Yes, a good trick, I suppose." "But really, Marie... one scientist to another... bubble research." "It's not that stimulating, now, is it?" "On the contrary, Preston." "I think his formula has enormous potential." "Really?" "Good." "It's worthless, of course, but why don't you leave it with us?" " To our new and lucrative partnership." " Yes." " Emc?" " You think it will work?" "Believe me, Herr Wolfgang, you're not going to regret this." "This formula will revolutionize brewing as we know it." " You and I are going to be very, very rich." " Rich!" "1, 2, 3, 4... 5, 6, 7, 8." "A musical beat." "1, 2, 3, 4." "The beat, 2, 3, 4." "Downbeats are on one and three." "The backbeats are on two and four." "So the upbeat acceleration is equal... to the escape velocity of the downbeat." "Upbeat equals downbeat." "In that state, gravity will roll to the downbeat." "Therefore, the body motion must rock to the upbeat." "I've just invented a new musical theory." "Roll and rock." "What are you doing, Albert?" "A scientific musical theory based on the human heartbeat." "You're so clever." "No, actually, anyone could play it." "It's simple." "Four bars, four beats to the bar... with a backbeat." "I think I'll go to bed." "Night." "Music is the motion of sounds." "And motion is measured by speed." "Therefore, I could increase the intensity of the music... by amplifying the volume of the beat... by the speed of light." "That's 186,000 miles per second." "That's fast, very fast." "At upwards of 119 decibels... that's very loud." "Well, the only way to get a result like that... will be to electrify a musical instrument." "What's this?" "It electrifies music." "It electrifies music, does it?" "Just what we need." "You do?" "And stay out!" " Here, Albert." " What happened?" "It's here." "Do you know the way to the university?" "Thank you." "It's come." "Sheep farming." " Scholarship?" " Yep." "Get in there." "Go on." " I'm looking for Marie Curie." " The beautiful French scientist?" "Science, £1." "That's a bit steep." "Excuse me." "And stay out!" "You fail." "You embarrassed me in there." "Sorry." "It's just that your teacher was so wrong." "He was very angry." "I don't think he understood at all." "Your mind is astonishing." " Look at Albert." " Is that Albert?" " He looks so different." " Look at his hair." " I don't think I should ask him now." " I think you should." "You ask him." "Go on!" "How come Newton's theory doesn't account for Galileo's law?" "Yeah." "With a multitude of different simultaneities... within the universe... how can any gravitational effect be suddenly everywhere... at a common, simultaneous instant?" "Told you." "You know, Marie, when you compare... all of science in the world against nature... science is just primitive and child-like... but it's the most precious thing we have." "Albert, if only this moment would last forever." "If only time could stand still." "That's it!" "That's the theory of relativity." "What?" "Light travels to us from the hands of that clock... to tell us the time." "If we could travel away from that clock at the speed of light...." "Then the hands of the clock would appear to have stopped." "Time would stand still." "This moment would last forever." " Did you just think of that?" " Yes." "Where do you live?" " Are you okay, mister?" " Yep." "I am writing to recommend a most brilliant scientific thinker..." "Albert Einstein." "I would be personally indebted to you, Monsieur {y:i}Preston... if you would consider him for a position in your office." "I know his assistance would be invaluable to you... in the most complex areas of scientific research." "It's simple, double entry bookkeeping, Einstein!" "In the right column, you write what's left out." "Left out?" "In the left column, you write what's left in." "Left in." "So all that's left in is left, right?" "Left right?" "And all that's left out, you write in the right columns, right?" "So nothing's left out, right?" "Left outright?" "Dear Mom and Dad..." "I hope you are both well." "I have a good job at the patent office... and I've found a nice place to live." ""I have met a wonderful girl." ""I will write again soon." ""Your loving son, Albert." ""PS:" "I think I have almost discovered..." ""the key to the universe."" "He's met a girl!" "A girl?" "It's not that Einstein is stupid." " Madame?" " No, thank you." "Have you seen those boots that he wears?" "He's raw, rough." "Coarse, if you like." "Coarse?" "He's a loner." "He's not one of the team." " And that is a bad thing?" " Terrible." "It has a terrible effect on office morale." "It's not that he doesn't have a modicum of potential." "It's just that...." "I don't know where he would be... without the patience of people like you and I." "It was very nice of you to do this for me... and thank you for a very pleasant time." "I've been thinking of expanding onto the world stage... and I want you to be there with me." "I love you, Marie, with all my heart." "And if this wasn't such an exclusive club..." "I'd kiss you." "Preston, you're so sweet, but l" "Think about what I've said, darling." "Go now." " But, Preston" " Not another word." "I know how you must be feeling." "Right." "Every day, without fail, you've been late for work." "You see, there are two 8:00's." "One in the morning and one at night." "Therefore time is relative to the observer." " Time is" " Money." "Time is money." "Mr. Einstein, you're not fooling anyone." "Out of consideration for Mademoiselle Curie..." "I have tolerated behavior which would've landed... most junior assistant clerks on the street in a matter of minutes." "I like you, Albert." "I wish you'd think of me as a friend." "Not many men would be forthright enough to tell you this... but you have no ability, no talent, and no potential." "I'm going to do you a favor, Albert." "I'm going to let you go." "Mr. Einstein!" "Preston Preston's building a machine to split beer atoms." "He's using your formula." "Look." "Here." "No." "Open up!" "Hold everything!" " What's going on?" " Excuse me." "You're disrupting the beer production." "It's too dangerous." "You can't build that machine." "Can't I?" " You're crazy." " Got you." " Fruitcake." " Where are we going?" "Rutherford." "Ernest Rutherford!" "Rutherford." "Asprin's the name." "Brian Asprin." "Brian." "What are you in for?" "Oh, space and time curved?" "Personally, I got busted for drugs." "Science?" "I'm keenly interested." "Pleased to meet you, Keenly." "What are you up to, Einstein?" " Physics, Keenly." " May I?" "A relativity theory." "That's clever." "But, you know, Einstein... a theory like this would only be viable... if the speed of light were constant." "I'm sorry." " It is." " Constant?" "Is that a fact?" "It's not only constant, but nothing can travel faster than it." "Nothing can travel faster than light?" "What if I'm on a train that's traveling at the speed of light... and I move forward from the back carriage to the front carriage?" "Then I'd be traveling faster than light." "No, you wouldn't." "But that's an affront to common sense." " That's relativity." " Relativity." "In my book, Newton says that the laws of the universe are fixed." "Newton's wrong." " What have you done with him?" " Who?" "Albert Einstein." "You stole his formula, didn't you?" " I did not." " How could you do such a thing?" "He had nothing." "No money, no equipment... he didn't even have an education." "He had to come up with the entire theory in his head." "And you, you just take it." "Marie, I did not just take it." "I merely borrowed it... in order to develop a lucrative proposition for us all." "Einstein will get a percentage, of course." "I hate you for what you have done." "I don't see what you're getting so upset about." "Somebody had to make something of it." "He never would." "He wouldn't, would he?" "We'll see about that." "Hello." "I'm looking for Albert Einstein." " He's not here." " But I know he's here." " He's taking a bath." " I'll wait." "Mr. Einstein is a notoriously long bather." "In my opinion, it would be pointless for you to wait." "I will wait forever." " Are you a relative?" " No." "We'll let in only relatives and the immediate family." "Every time I think of your relativity theory..." "I get a headache." "Sorry, Brian." " I dropped the soap." " Careful." "You're his father?" " Yes." " All right." "The inmates are all in the shower this time of day." "As much as I would like to go in there... this is as far as I go." "Tiger!" "Bugger off!" "Excuse me." "I am looking for Albert Einstein." "I am his father." "That's him over there." "Everybody!" "Einstein's father's here!" "Einstein's father?" "Close family." "I've been searching for you everywhere." "Preston stole your beer formula." "I know." "I'm a bit worried about that." "E=mc2?" "Yep, that's the one." "That's not just a beer formula." "That's dangerous." "What's he done, Professor?" "He's hit upon the elusive formula for energy." "What, the formula for energy?" " He better make sure nobody applies it." " Albert!" "They're saying he intends to build the largest beer keg in the world!" "He's a woman!" "Albert, you have to take action." "It is your duty to make people understand what is happening." "Marie, I don't understand what's happening." "I'll tell you what's happening." "Your formula's a blueprint for the destruction of the world." "Some pacifist Einstein turned out to be." "Smarty-pants." "You've done it now, Einstein." "I'm sick of this." "I'm sick of brains!" "All this thinking all the time." "Think, think, think." "I want a man who will do something." " Marie, l" " And if you won't... then who will?" "Look out." "Marie!" "It's me, Albert!" "I'm free!" " Hello, Albert." " Albert!" "Where have you been?" "Mental asylum." "We can't work out how space can be curved." "Sounds really silly." "I can't work out where Marie could have gone." "I suppose that could be in the letter she left." "Yes." ""Albert." ""I will cherish our time forever." ""We were just children playing on the seashore." ""At times, we found a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary." ""But the great ocean of truth lays out there before us..." ""untouched and undiscovered." ""If only you'd been a man of action." ""Marie."" "No, nothing here." "Poor Albert." "Hold on." "There's an address on the back of the envelope." ""Marie Curie." ""France."" "Good luck, Albert." "The Academy of Sciences" "Gentlemen and ladies, welcome." "Tonight we are honored and excited... to have with us the most distinguished scientists... of the 20th century." "I wish to personally welcome..." "Marconi wireless listeners around the world." "Marconi.:" "The fastest growing name in broadcasting today." "This year's nominees include Mr. Thomas Edison... with his new electric light!" "This has been an astonishing year for scientific achievements." "From United States of America, the Wright brothers." "What did you all say you did again?" "Psycho...." "Psychoanalysis." "Psychiatric scientist from Austria, Prof. Sigmund Freud." "Prof. Freud is here tonight with his mother." "Sigmund, don't pick your nose!" "THE RENTAL" "Marconi is broadcasting live... from the Science Academy here in Paris." "And now...." "A woman's place is in the home, Maman." "Louis." "All this science of hers, it will amount to nothing." "She won the Nobel Prize, Pierre." "And this year she won the award... for the best scientific achievement by a woman." "That is my point, Maman." "She is a woman." "She needs a man, not a test tube." "Marie, go and see who it is." "Oui, Papa." " Watch it, mate." " Albert." "Marie, I decided that you were right." "We have to talk." "Talk?" "It could vaporize the world, and you want to talk?" "Louis, throw him out." "And stay out!" " Who is it?" " He's nobody." "He?" " Who is this barbarian?" " I'm a Tasmanian." "Maman, Papa, this is Albert Einstein." "Mr. Curie, I'll be taking Marie to the Science Academy Awards tonight." "That is impossible." "Paris is hundreds of kilometers away." "Besides, the ceremony has already started." "Mr. Curie, I couldn't help but notice... you've got a hot-air balloon parked out the front." "I'll be needing to borrow it for the evening." "It is almost out of gas at the moment." "Sir, this is a question of survival of life on this planet." "Worldwide listeners, the moment we have all been waiting for." "The president of the International Science Academy... the most distinguished scientist in the world..." "Sir Charles Darwin!" "Bravo!" "It is my pleasure to announce... the 1906 Science Academy Award." "So, who will win?" "Nobody knows." "What would you say to a bit of light entertainment, Mother?" "A bit early in the day for that, Father." "I was referring to the wireless." "It is my privilege... to introduce a young man... who's come all the way... from Australia." "Tonight he's going to show us... a most remarkable scientific formula." "It couldn't be." "Mr. Preston Preston." "Thank you, Sir Charles." "A great pleasure." "Since mankind came down from the trees... he has sought the elusive formula... that would put bubbles into his beer." "I have made it my life's quest... to discover that formula." "Now here it is!" " There's the science academy, Marie." " Oui, Albert." "I'm taking her down." " Quickly." " I'll let some more air out of the balloon." "An atomic chamber?" "But that would split millions of atoms." "We have to tell Darwin." "And now, fellow scientists, the world's first" "Mr. Darwin." "Preston's built an atomic bomb." "Atomic bomb?" "What?" "No, I didn't!" "Mr. Preston, do you know what happens if you split an atom at its nucleus?" "Atomic fission." "This man is an escaped lunatic." "That barrel is a gigantic atomic bomb." "Mr. Preston." "Stop!" "It's harmless, you stupid old man!" "Look." "It is a bomb." "Albert, if the bomb goes off, then...." "Just a moment, Marie." "I'm having an idea." "Save me." "Where do I run?" "It's an atomic bomb, Mr. Preston." "There's nowhere to run to." "Albert, what are you doing?" "Well, I'm going to use this instrument... to drain the atomic energy out of that bomb." "But you cannot." "You cannot reverse an atomic chain reaction." "Better stand back, Marie." " That's Albert's music." " Yes." "Crikey, yes." " It's 4/4 time." " 4/4 time." "That'll drain the power out of anything." "It's working." "Whatever you are doing, keep doing it." "It's working!" "It's all his fault." "Albert Einstein." "What kind of a name is that for a scientist?" "How am I doing, Marie?" "Albert!" "You are absorbing too much energy." "You will be killed." "I'm all right, Marie." "They're only electrons." "Get your hands off me!" "You call yourselves scientists?" "Albert." "Is that you?" "Look, Dad." "What's happening, Father?" "Albert." "Dad." "My son." "Mom, I'd like to meet my girlfriend, Marie." "Marie, I'd like you to meet my mom." "Hello, dear." "I'm going to ask Albert Einstein for a private science lesson." " I saw him first." " So what?" "The boy's finally done it, Mother." "He's registered the theory "Emc." We'll be rich." "Dad, Mom, Marie..." "I've decided to donate my theory to all the nations of the world... to be used peacefully for the benefit of all mankind." "But, Albert, what if the governments of the world... use your theory to make atomic bombs?" "Marie, if you can't trust the governments of the world, then who can you trust?" "Speech!" "Come and give a speech." "Come on, Albert!" "Speech." "No." "I could tell you my latest theory." "Albert's beer, mate." "English"