" Ready, boys?" " Let's fucking do it." "Patric, smack me in the face." "Give me one I can feel." "Come on." "We're so fucking ready, man." "Go." "THE PERFECT HEIST" "Move." "Move, Patric." "Go away." " What's happening?" " What time is it?" " Five past." " You've got to be kidding." " Are they closed?" " Should have taken another route." " Why are they closed?" " It's five past." "They're open ten to four, not ten to five past four." "Shops never close on the dot." "There's always some slow bugger." " A bank isn't a shop." " Why is a bank not a shop?" " It doesn't sell anything." " Money." " What's happening?" " They're closed." " Now what?" " We go home." " We're not fucking going home." " The bank is closed." "Then let's break something." "Hey!" "You there!" " He..." " May I help you?" " Open the door." " We're closed." "Then I'll shoot my way in." "It's bullet-proof glass, so go ahead." "Just five minutes." "You haven't even balanced the cash yet." " We stick to our opening hours." " What if I were a customer?" "That's poor fucking service." "You get one last chance to open, or we run the car through the front!" "Knock yourselves out." "It's five past, and we're closed." " We're going nowhere." " Fucking stickler." " Let's break that shit, then." " No." "Come on, Patric!" " Come on, Richael!" " Go, Richael, go!" "Crap!" "Name?" " Name?" " May I go to the loo?" " Name?" " Richael Mortensen." " Michael Mortensen." " No." "Richael." "Richael Mortensen." "I haven't been to the loo for four days." "I'm afraid you'll have to wait until you're in your cell." "I know you have procedures to follow,   but I don't think it's healthy when you have to go as much as I do." "You're a bitch or a motherfucker." "There's nothing in between." "It's either or." "But while a motherfucker can be a bitch,   a bitch will never be a motherfucker." " Sonny, is that with an O or a U?" " An O. Just like Sonny Crockett." "Let's just get this questioning over with." "It's not an interrogation." "It's registration." " I can't question people." " Well, who can?" "Jansen." "Well, wouldn't it be an idea to go and bloody well fetch him?" "I'm through with you, Sonny." "It's over." " Are you calling it quits?" " What?" " Throwing in the towel?" " No, I'm just done with you." " So you are calling it quits?" " Shut the fuck up, Sonny." "You'll never get anywhere with that attitude." " We have to believe in it." " Believe in it?" "Steen was shot in the head." "We got nicked." "Trust me." "It's over." "Can you deny people access to a loo?" "You can wait until you're in your cell." "What made you think he could drive the getaway car?" " Try to relax." " But I can't." " Richael is a nice enough bloke." " That stung." "Does he look like a hardened criminal to you?" "What did your mum do, Richael?" "She's a librarian." "Well, she's retired now." "You have to visualize it." "Then you can make it happen." "Patric?" "You're way out of it, man." "No, Sonny." "Way down." "I really don't think you can get any lower than this." "Jackets off and empty your pockets." " Where's Hanne?" " She's still in registration." "Registration?" " Hanne." " What the hell are you doing?" " Writing a report." " Skip that and get Jansen." "We're out of space here." "We need to move people on." " What about the last three?" " I'll put them in the sweatshop." " What's the sweatshop?" " A shelter in the basement." "It's for when we experience overflow situations." " Is it very hot down there?" " No, it's the smell." "Take them down there, and I'll wrap this up." "One scratch ticket." "No win." "Jansen?" "Jansen?" " Mind if I finish my shower?" " Three guys ready for questioning." "I've had 16-hour shifts for ten days straight." "I won't take anymore." "I can't take anymore." "It's just that they're waiting in the sweatshop." "There comes a time when you have to admit to yourself that you're scum." "Scum yesterday, scum today, chances are you'll be scum tomorrow." "Then be a motherfucker the day after tomorrow." " They attempted armed robbery." " Attempted?" " Then there's no case." " Why not?" "Because you either rob a bank or you don't." "They were late." "They threatened a bank clerk." "They were armed." " They were late?" " Yes." "And a man was shot." " Who was shot?" " The fourth guy." "They were four." " Who fired?" " The fourth guy." " He shot himself?" " He's in a critical condition." "What a bunch of amateurs." " I'm right." " I'm not listening to you." " I'm a motherfucker." " I'm fed up with you and your crap." "I'm through with you." " Don't waste your time on this." " And what if the fourth guy dies?" " Then they're still three too many." " They'll be accomplices to murder." "I can't take anymore." "I'm tired." " But what if the fourth guy dies?" " If he dies, you may have a case." "If the bloke lives, you don't have shit." "You're right." "In my mind you're a bitch, and you always will be." "But if you perceive yourself as a motherfucker, then prove it." "How?" "The perfect heist." "How would a motherfucker perform the perfect heist?" "And then what?" "How will you get away?" " Where will you go?" " I just told you." "You can't just say "the horizon"." "You need a plan." "I won't just drive into the fucking blue." " Then what?" " Let me find a place to escape from." "How about finding a place to bust first?" "No, the brilliance of this setup is that it'll work anywhere." "It won't work." "There are lots of things you haven't considered." " Like what?" " Details that'll get in your way." "What's he saying?" "Could you turn it down a bit so we can hear what you're saying?" "I still don't understand." "It's a robbery, you old fucking fart." "I have a gun and a sports bag." "You think I want to make a deposit?" " Nobody is that fucking stupid." " He's in shock." "You have a gun." " You don't know how people react." " But still." "You have to be prepared for the worst." "I want you to take the money and put it in the sports bag." "Stop staring at the gun." "Just focus on the money and the sports bag." "Do you understand?" " Do you understand?" " Yes." " So what do I want you to do?" " Put the money in the sports bag." "Exactly." "Get to it." " Is that it?" " Yes." " There has to be more." " You want the coins as well?" "There's got to be more notes." "The till is emptied once an hour." "In case of a robbery." " Then empty the other till." " There isn't any money in that one." " Where are they?" " In the vault." "In case of a robbery." "I don't fucking believe it." "Alright, let me have the coins." " Even the small coins?" " I want it all." "Open the door." "Go, Richael!" "Go!" "You'd rather be a smartarse than make it big." "But the more of a smartarse you are, the more likely it is you get nicked." "I'll never get nicked." " I'll never get nicked." " Whether you want to or not." " I will never get nicked." " Look what happened to Steen." "You will get nicked." "Shoes off." "Welcome, boys." " Hansen speaking." " It's Hanne." " He won't do them until tomorrow." " Did you say we were fully booked?" " I said they were in the sweatshop." " And he won't do it?" " No." " Then they'll be in there all night." "Hansen, damn it, they can't..." "I know this is kind of a bad time,   but I really have to take a dump." " Can't you wait?" " I think I might die." "You will if it stinks." "Let me tell you this." "You have to find the place, get in,   nick the stuff and hope nobody notices you." "So the perfect heist is a heist nobody knows has been performed?" "How cool is that?" "Because if nobody finds out, you have gotten away with it." " People will think we're bitches." " I don't give a damn." "I don't give a damn if people think I'm a bitch." "Would you rather live like a bitch or die like a motherfucker?" "Why don't we ask Richael?" "What would you rather?" "Live like a bitch or die like a motherfucker?" "Die like a motherfucker." " Of course he would." " Why?" "Because a bitch will always try to become a motherfucker." "He's a mummy's boy." "Mummy's boys become accountants or bitches,   and he is most certainly too stupid to become an accountant." " I'm not stupid." " But you're a bitch." " That's what you think." " We'll find out in a bloody jiffy." " How?" " What is the perfect heist?" "Is it a question of being a smartarse and getting nicked,   or is it about making it big and getting away with it?" "What's your answer?" " I'll go with the latter." " What?" "The latter." " Which is?" " Making it big." "Maybe you are cut out to be an accountant after all." " But it isn't a piece of cake." " No, it isn't." " It takes planning." " Planning isn't enough." "Even if you have everything planned, you're dependent on one thing." " The right money." " The right money?" "If the heist is to remain unknown, the money can't be reported stolen." "If the money is reported stolen, you run the risk of getting nicked." "Don't I smell shit?" "It's not me,   because I can't get anything out." "What kind of money can you steal without the police getting involved?" " Drug money." " Drug money?" "Drug money is illegal and never get reported stolen." "And who would you steal drug money from?" "Demons." "Demons?" "Drug-psycho-biker Demons?" " It's fucking insane." " Do you know what will happen?" "They'll cut you to pieces and feed you to the seagulls." "And that's if you're lucky." "That's crazy, Richael." " If I may..." " Don't be a bitch, Sonny." "I think it really could be done, but it depends on one thing." "The perfect alibi." "Fake our own deaths." "Brilliant." "But when they pull out that car, they'll identify the bodies,   so we need three bodies that look exactly like us." "Why three bodies?" " Hold on a second, Patric." " Drive as much as you want, Richael." " Ready, Sonny?" " Yes!" " Have a nice ride." " No!" "Sonny!" " That's not the perfect alibi." " No one will suspect a dead man." "Dying is no small matter." "You knock the dead guy's teeth out and place some ID on him." "They don't use teeth to identify people anymore." "They use DNA." "It's no easy feat to fool a DNA test." "I'm with Richael here, Patric." "Breaking a DNA code is really no small feat." "Then what is the perfect alibi?" "If we're in prison." "No one will suspect us if we're in prison." "No, because it would be impossible for us to steal the money." "Not if we break out, steal the money, hide it,   and break back in." "My mum told me that getting out was easy if you really wanted to." "Hold on a second." "Your mum?" " My mum was a librarian." " What does she know about prisons?" "She worked for the government." "She delivered books to the prison." "The prison guards fancied her, so they told her lots of stuff." "For instance, how to escape." "The buildings were rotten, but there was no money to fix them." "How do I know you're not just saying that to avoid getting blown up?" " I'm a poor liar." " You lied about being a good driver." "I never said I was a good driver." "I said I knew how to drive." "As I said, getting out is easy if you really want to." "Of course the inmates had no clue about this." "But it really just was a question of finding the motivation." " What's on the telly tonight?" " What's it to you?" "You have no TV." "I just wanted to know what I was missing." ""The Shawshank Redemption"." " Move along." " Cool." "Move along." "What's on the telly tonight?" "You just asked me that." " What did I just ask?" " What's on the telly." " When?" " Tonight." " Why would I ask about that?" " To know what you were missing." "What would I miss, then?" " "The Shawshank Redemption"." " Great film." "A fantastic film, and it's about to start, so enough with the chatting." "Have you seen it?" "He escapes." "They think he killed himself, but he actually dug a tunnel." "He ends up cheating the lot of them inside out." "Goodnight, boys." "It's that easy." "We just have to wait until the prison closes for the night." " Are you sure it'll work?" " According to my mum." " What about surveillance cameras?" " They only check the outside." " We have to stay clear of those." " Alright, then." " Problems, Sonny?" " Of course I can pick this lock." " No." "Because you're a bitch." " It might as well be you." "I'm not the one who's a bitch." "You're Hansen's bitch." "Pull down your pants and lie still, Patric." "You were born a bitch." "You know what?" "I could be Elvis and not give a damn." "Or we could say it all went without a hitch." "Forget it." "It's welded shut." "That's odd." "They told my mother that it would be a walk in the park." " Why are you interfering?" " Because his plan is unrealistic." "You haven't a clue." " Richael does." " Apparently not." " He knows more about gaols than you." " Sure, but he's a bitch." " A good plan is a good plan." " But this is a shit plan." "You only think so because it's not your plan." "I just think it's a better plan to fake our own deaths." "Your plan about faking our own deaths is crap,   but you cling to it just because it's yours." "It's a shit plan, Patric." "It's brilliant, and I won't let you ruin it like you ruined the bank job." " The bank job was a shit job, too." " Don't get smart with me, now." "Why, are you afraid you won't be able to follow?" "Why don't we...?" "Shut up or I'll split you in half." "Give it a shot." "Then we'll find out who's really the bitch." "Are you a bitch?" "How about it?" "Come on." "Who's a bitch now, Sonny?" "Eh?" "Who's a bitch?" "Are you the bitch now?" "You're a fucking bitch." "Say you're a bitch." "I'm a bitch." "Out loud so Richael can hear you." "I'm a bitch." "Well, now we know." "What's going on in here?" "Nothing." "What about you, Sonny Crockett?" "I'm okay, but I'd like to be put in isolation." "There aren't any spare cells." "You can share one with two others." " Fine." " Up against the wall." "Sonny, hold on a sec..." "You had no right to do that, Patric." " Do you want me to do it to you?" " No." "Then don't tell me what I can and cannot do." "I can do as I please, even if that means flushing you down the toilet." "If you do that, you'll never know how much money we could steal." " Fuck your heist." " Okay." "How much money are we talking?" "10,000?" "Somewhere between five and ten million." "Okay." "Let's pretend for a moment that imprisonment is the best alibi,   and that the sewer is the best escape route..." "But it isn't." "You're right about it probably being welded shut." "Aren't there any air ducts?" "Yes, but they only get us out of the building." " We have to get beyond the wall." " Can't we just scale it?" "Then the cameras will see us." "In other words, you don't know shit." "Not if the sewer is out of the question." "Okay, how about this?" " Are you done soon?" " Yes." "In a moment." "Great." " See you." " Yes." "Then it's up to you, Richael." "When they find the rat in the soup, they have to shut down the kitchen." "But the inmates still need food,   so their only option is hiring some poofy chefs from the outside." "You naughty boy." "And those poofy chefs are our ticket out." "We hitch a ride into town, steal the money,   hide it, get a ride back here and arrive before breakfast." "It's perfect." "It shouldn't take us more than five minutes to get there." " Where the hell are we, Richael?" " What do you mean?" " Does this look like downtown?" " Nah." "We don't know if they live downtown." "But it's not very likely that they live in hick town." "We have to prepare for the worst." "Okay, Einstein." " Then what?" " I guess we need to find a car." " I guess so." " Okay." "There's one over there." "Yes." " Do you know how to steal a car?" " Of course." "Okay." " I can't do it." " Why not?" "Because I never tried stealing this kind of car." " Can't we say the keys are here?" " That's not realistic." "Then I don't know what to do." " Sonny would know how to steal it." " But Sonny isn't here." " No." " No." "You're damn lucky I didn't kill them." " Fucking Demons, man." " What happened?" "I don't know what that police bitch was thinking." "Completely mad." "What happened?" "I was put in a cell with two Demons who were fucked up on drugs." "What did you do?" "I just had to throw the first punch." " Yeah, right." " Pure fucking survival." "Do you think you can steal a car, Sonny?" "You know I can." "There you go, boys." " Where are we headed?" " MotorCenter." "I can't believe how easy it is to steal a car." "Get in, open the steering column, short the wires to the ignition." "It's so fucking easy." " I can't believe you couldn't..." " Sonny, you got to steal a car." " Don't be a smartarse." " I'm not." "I'm saying how easy..." "Sonny." " Sorry, Patric." " No problem." "It's just that I really want to be like you." "And it's hard for me to admit that I can't do it without you." "Can we listen to the radio?" " Yes." "Lighten up the atmosphere." " Fuckin'A." "Not in a million years, Richael." "Aren't we robbing the Demons?" " We are." " What's the point of this, then?" "On the last Friday of each month Demons get money from their dealers." "That adds up to a whole lot of really dirty money." "They launder it by buying this guy's entire car pool   and sell it back to him a week later." " Somebody's coming." " It's the car dealer." "No need to hide." "We're not here yet." "It's only Friday." "We won't be here until tomorrow." " How come you know all of this?" " He's my uncle." "Aren't you upper middle class?" "Sure." "My family is just a tad disreputable on my father's side." " Do those bags contain money?" " Yes." " Do they take up that much space?" " It's ten million in small notes." "Now what, Richael?" " I don't know." " You don't know?" " I never got any further." " So you don't know what to do?" " I don't know how to break in here." " We'll take care of that." "I'll take care of that." "We'll break in through the roof." "Why doesn't he put the money in the bank?" " He can't do that until Monday." " Why doesn't he get it on Monday?" "The Demons are afraid the police will search them and find the money." "So the money just sits here all weekend?" "All by itself?" " Yes." " If I had ten million, I would ..." "Shut the hell up, Sonny." "When I open the window, the alarm goes off." "Security will arrive within three minutes." " Security?" " Sonny." "Right." " That's odd." " He must have forgotten the alarm." "Are you taking the piss, Sonny?" "No." "I think you should go in first." "Do you see anything?" "Sonny?" "Sonny?" "Bloody hell, Sonny." "Sonny!" "Shut the fuck up, Sonny." "You think, you're a motherfucker." "I know, I'm a motherfucker." " That's the difference between us." " You're a bitch, too." "The only difference is that you're fucking bitter." " You're just talking bollocks." " Okay." "Then tell us how you would run this show." "Love to." "Give 'em here." "Where do we hide them?" "We only have a few hours, if we have to get back before breakfast." "We have a visitor." " What do you mean?" " Somebody is following us." "Yes." "And they're gaining on us." "They can't." "I took care of that." "So, where do we hide the money?" "I know the perfect place." " That's a rotten idea." " Are you a bitch?" "If not wanting to dig up a corpse makes you a bitch, then yes." " Let's go." " It's desecration." "You don't do that." " We have to find a fresh grave." " Why not in the woods?" " Lots can happen in the woods." " We are profaning the dead." "Do you know what happens when you do that?" "You go to Hell." "Would you like to go to Hell?" "I don't think so." " Want to put it to the vote?" " Yes." "Who is in favour of burying the money here?" "Who's against?" " Get to work, Sonny." " Sure." "I renounce the devil and all his works." "I believe in Jesus." "I renounce the devil..." " It sure takes a long time." " And it's a fresh grave." "When we get out the dirt will have settled." "But we'll know that the ten million will be waiting for us." "Exactly." "Okay, Richael." "Get the money." " Pull yourself together, Sonny." " Yeah, sure." "Relax." "We have a problem." "It won't fit in there." "Why don't we just find one more grave?" "Because it will take too long." "Getting rid of a body is faster." "But we'll go to hell." "That's the name of the game when you want to die like a motherfucker." "Can't we just dump it in the bushes?" "Could you give me a hand?" "It won't do." " It still won't do." " Why not?" "They'll find him when they trim the bushes." "How about this one?" " That's pretty nasty?" " But efficient." "I think I'll be traumatised for life." "Maybe you should get your uncle to receive the money in a cheque." " We can't." " Chop something off so he'll fit." "We have to be able to live with ourselves." "I can certainly live with myself knowing that I have ten million." "We have to clean up that mess." "Otherwise they'll identify the body." " That was the DNA bit, right?" " Yes." "And we don't have the time." " Then what do we do?" " I have an idea." "Where do you find gasoline?" "Give me your lighter." " Come on." " You can't do that without gasoline." " It's no good, Sonny." " Just wait until the fire catches." "He's way too damp." "It's like burning wet grass." "It'll take months before he's properly burned." "Why don't we burn him in the crematorium?" "That's done, then." " Did you get bullied in school?" " Why do you say that?" "A teacher's pet like you must have been open prey." " Richael was always top boy." " I can imagine." "Lets get back to the poofy chefs." " Let's wait for the body to burn." " Yes, wait for the body to burn." "Sure." "Alright." "Teacher's pet." " Now what?" " We have to get out of here." "Richael, get the car going." " We'll handle the Demons." " Shouldn't one of you be driving?" "Would you rather take care of those Demons?" "That's what I thought." "Hold on." "They can't see us in prison clothes." "If they see us in our prison clothes our alibi will be blown." "You're a motherfucker." "A badass motherfucker." "What about Steen?" "His condition may affect our sentence." "I hope so." "We can't do this in less than a year." "It must add something." "After all, he did it to himself, so..." " The fuck if I know." " We'd be better off if he died." "Sonny." "That's Steen you're talking about." "That guy was a junkie and a psycho." "It's just desserts." "He won't have died in vain if his death puts us in prison." "The hospital just informed us that Steen Hansen is dead." "They tried to operate on him but to no avail,   so they decided to turn off his life support system." "Jansen will arrive at eight and take care of you." "That's so weird." "We just talked about it, and then it happens." " It's fucking spooky." " No." "It's fate." "People are often down and out, and then things turn their way." "Right now, we're those people." "This really will happen." "That means we're millionaires." " We just have to do our time." " Once we get convicted." "We will be." "Steen is dead." "We're accomplices." "It's perfect." "We still have to be prepared for the worst." "You're a fucking millionaire, Richael." " It's crazy." " It's fucking spooky." "And it's money that we'll never ever get nicked for having stolen." "Let me tell you the story about the public lavatory   and the proud little boy." "He was so proud that when he had to pee, he wouldn't use the stalls." "He insisted on peeing in one of the urinals on the wall,   but the boy wasn't tall enough to reach." "He wasn't tall enough, and his Willie wasn't long enough." "That didn't seem to bother the proud little boy." "He peed anyway." "On the wall, on the floor and all over himself." "Although it would have been natural for him to use a stall,   he wanted to use the urinals, " " because the boy knew that one day he would be big enough to use them." "It just never happened, gentlemen." "As it turned out, the proud little boy was a midget." "So no matter how hard he insisted, he never grew tall enough." "Never." "And why do you think I'm telling you this story?" "Because the three of you are all that little midget." "You've started aiming so high that you piss all over yourselves." "Do you understand?" "You will never reach that urinal you're aiming for." "You're simply too daft to be proper criminals." "You don't have what it takes." "Never had it, never will get it." " This makes no sense." " What's this?" "A scratch ticket." "We tried to rob a bank." "Jansen doesn't think you need to go to prison,   so just sign here." "Forget it, Patric." "This will get us nowhere." " Sign." " What if I refuse?" "Then you won't get your things." "What if I call you "pig bastard"?" "Then you get a beating." "And a fine." " What if refuse to pay it?" " Then we send you a reminder." " And if I refuse to pay that one?" " Then we freeze your accounts." "What if I bust that trash bin?" "Then I'll make you clean up." "Just sign, okay?" " Now what?" " How would I know?" "Damn, I'm hungry." "Where are you going, Patric?" " Didn't you want something to eat?" " Yes." " Do you need to go bad?" " Well..." " Is that a yes or a no?" " In between." "What's with the midget tale?" "That guy suffers from megalomania." " He's a fucking wanker." " What if we are aiming too high?" " And we're pissing on ourselves?" " Yes." "How can you aim to high?" "Are you a midget?" " Are you a midget?" " No." "Am I a midget?" "Then fuck Jansen." " I really need to go..." " So?" "I haven't been to the loo for five days." "You sound pressured." "I am." "I actually wondered if you might let me in first." "Do I look like Santa Claus to you?" "Go shit yourself." "I was here first." "I could just use you as a shitter." "Knock you unconscious and take a dump on your head." " What about washing your hands?" " Sure." " Aren't you having those chips?" " I'm not hungry after all." "Then I'll have them." "I'm fucking hungry." " Did you do a clone of Desmond Tutu?" " Yup." " I'm a new man." " Super." " I don't know if your food is cold." " I'll be alright." " And it was ok that we ate?" " Of course." "Cool, Richael." "You're a stand-up guy." "What's the point of that name of yours?" "My granddad's name was Richard, and my dad loves Formula 1." "Okay." " That can't have been easy." " Easy?" "It's pretty damn fucked up." "Do you know what I'd like to?" "I'd like to see Jansen's face when we've stolen those ten million." "No one was supposed to know." " Not even Jansen." " Who cares if Jansen knows." "As long as we know." "We just need Jansen to take us seriously and put us in prison." "Then we'd better not be late." "I know how we can get Jansen to take us seriously." " 9-1-1, how may I help you?" " This is Ri..." "I'd like to report a robbery." "Shut up and listen to the music." "This is a robbery." "Subtitles:" "Martin Mathiasen Scandinavian Text Service 2009"