"Dear Sally." "You should probably be sitting down for this." "Dear Sally." "You should probably be sitting down for this." "First of all, everything was perfectly fine." "I mean, on paper." "First of all, everything was perfectly fine." "I mean, on paper." "High school was going as it was supposed to." "High school was going as it was supposed to." "I mean, in three months I'd be at Stanford premed," "I mean, in three months I'd be at Stanford premed, then in four years Stanford med school, then in four years Stanford med school, then my residency at a Stanford hospital, then my residency at a Stanford hospital," "My dad was thrilled," "My dad was thrilled," "He's basically had my life planned out for me since I was a zygote," "He's basically had my life planned out for me since I was a zygote," "I was surrounded by people actually looking forward to their lives," "I was surrounded by people actually looking forward to their lives," "Benjamin Steven Covington." "Benjamin Steven Covington." "Felicity Elizabeth Porter graduates with honours." "Felicity Elizabeth Porter graduates with honours." "My parents' reaction was typically understated," "My parents' reaction was typically understated," "So on this day, undoubtedly one of the most exciting of your lives," "So on this day, undoubtedly one of the most exciting of your lives," "I urge you to savour the possibilities, embrace life," "I urge you to savour the possibilities, embrace life, because these days will not come again." "because these days will not come again." "They say that crash victims, people who lose a limb," "They say that crash victims, people who lose a limb, can still feel the missing arm or leg, even after it's gone, can still feel the missing arm or leg, even after it's gone," "It's called phantom pain, right?" "It's called phantom pain, right?" "Well, suddenly I had this horrible thought:" "Well, suddenly I had this horrible thought:" "what if high school went away but the feeling of it didn't?" "what if high school went away but the feeling of it didn't?" "I mean, I didn't feel joy or sorrow or anticipation," "I mean, I didn't feel joy or sorrow or anticipation," "Things were going so well that all I could feel was dread," "Things were going so well that all I could feel was dread," "Three years ago I held a pint of Ben Covington's blood," "Three years ago I held a pint of Ben Covington's blood," "I was volunteering at the 1 0th grade blood drive," "I was volunteering at the 1 0th grade blood drive," "That's just about as close as we ever got," "That's just about as close as we ever got," "It's funny, sometimes it's the smallest decisions" "It's funny, sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can pretty much change your life for ever, that can pretty much change your life for ever," "..so proud of you." " Mom, I cannot deal with this today." "..so proud of you." " Mom, I cannot deal with this today." " Not today." " Fine." " Not today." " Fine." "Excuse me." "I'm Felicity Porter." "Excuse me." "I'm Felicity Porter." " Yeah, I know." "I'm Ben." " Yeah, I know." "I..." " Yeah, I know." "I'm Ben." " Yeah, I know." "I..." "I was just wondering if you would mind signing my yearbook." "I was just wondering if you would mind signing my yearbook." " I don't have mine with me." " That's OK." "I..." " I don't have mine with me." " That's OK." "I..." " Here's a pen for you to..." " Thanks." " Here's a pen for you to..." " Thanks." "I just got it today." "That's why there aren't any signatures." "I just got it today." "That's why there aren't any signatures." "Except for Mr Johnson, who's here today somewhere," "Except for Mr Johnson, who's here today somewhere, which I was surprised about." "which I was surprised about." " Anywhere would be great." " Can you give me just a minute?" "." " Anywhere would be great." " Can you give me just a minute?" "." " T o do this." " Yeah." " To do this." " Yeah." "Yeah, sure." "I'll..." "Yeah, sure." "I'll..." "Thanks for asking." "Thanks for asking." " Good luck on, you know..." " Yeah, You too." " Good luck on, you know..." " Yeah, You too." " I'll see you." " OK." " I'll see you." " OK." "So, this is what Ben Covington wrote," "So, this is what Ben Covington wrote," ""Dear Felicity, Here it goes"'" ""Dear Felicity, Here it goes"'" ""I've watched you for four years, always wondered what you were like," ""I've watched you for four years, always wondered what you were like, what was going on in your mind when you were so quiet, what was going on in your mind when you were so quiet," "just thinking, drawing in your notebook"' just thinking, drawing in your notebook"'" ""I should have just asked you, but I never asked you"'" ""I should have just asked you, but I never asked you"'" ""So now, four years later, I don't even know you"'" ""So now, four years later, I don't even know you"'" ""But I admire you"'" ""But I admire you"'" ""Well, this makes me sound crazy, but I'm OK with that"'" ""Well, this makes me sound crazy, but I'm OK with that"'" ""So take care of yourself, Love Ben"'" ""So take care of yourself, Love Ben"'" ""PS, I would have said keep in touch," ""PS, I would have said keep in touch, but unfortunately we never were in touch"' but unfortunately we never were in touch"'" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Where are you going to college?" "." "Where are you going to college?" "." "New York." "What about you?" "." "New York." "What about you?" "." "That's pretty unclear." "That's pretty unclear." "Suddenly, I knew what everyone else was feeling," "Suddenly, I knew what everyone else was feeling," "Could you have waited any longer to drop this bomb?" "." "Could you have waited any longer to drop this bomb?" "." "I decided today." "They said it would take extraordinary circumstances" "I decided today." "They said it would take extraordinary circumstances to admit someone this late." "to admit someone this late." "Alright." "If you wanna make this decision, fine." "Alright." "If you wanna make this decision, fine." "But I will not in any way financially support it." "But I will not in any way financially support it." "They're sending the student-loan and the work-study forms." "They're sending the student-loan and the work-study forms." "I've worked hard so you won't have to do what I did." "I've worked hard so you won't have to do what I did." "You made it so I'd have to do exactly what you did!" "You made it so I'd have to do exactly what you did!" "I know you want me to follow in your footsteps but I just..." "I know you want me to follow in your footsteps but I just... basically I can't." "basically I can't." "That was the worst summer of my life," "That was the worst summer of my life," "So, basically, I'd given up" "So, basically, I'd given up everything my parents ever planned for me, everything my parents ever planned for me, everything I ever expected, everything I ever expected, all for a boy I don't even know," "all for a boy I don't even know," "I guess what I'm saying is" "I guess what I'm saying is this all might be a colossal mistake, as my dad would say." "this all might be a colossal mistake, as my dad would say." "But, on the other hand, it might..." "But, on the other hand, it might... ..maybe it'll save my life or something, I don't know." "..maybe it'll save my life or something, I don't know." "Please respond ASAP." "I miss you." "Please respond ASAP." "I miss you." "Love Felicity." "Love Felicity." "Next, please." "Next, please." "Sorry." "Thanks." "Sorry." "Thanks." " Hi." "How are you?" "." " Great." " Hi." "How are you?" "." " Great." " Just look at the dot, please." " Is my hair a disaster?" "." " Just look at the dot, please." " Is my hair a disaster?" "." "Please be honest." "I have to live with this picture for the next four years." "Please be honest." "I have to live with this picture for the next four years." " It's a really long time." " Hey." " It's a really long time." " Hey." "What are you doin' here?" "." "What are you doin' here?" "." "Hi." "I'm..." "This is..." "I'm going..." "Hi." "I'm..." "This is..." "I'm going..." "This is where I'm going." "I forgot you were going here." "This is where I'm going." "I forgot you were going here." "Unbelievable." "Hi." "I know this girl from high school." "Unbelievable." "Hi." "I know this girl from high school." "This is Susan." "This is..." "This is Susan." "This is..." " Felicity." " Felicity." " Felicity." " Felicity." "Alright." "So I'll see you around?" "." "Alright." "So I'll see you around?" "." "I," "I," ",basically haven't really had a lot of time yet to review," ",basically haven't really had a lot of time yet to review," "..the classes and schedules." "..the classes and schedules." "I guess I just need a little time to catch up." "I guess I just need a little time to catch up." "Because, you know, there's a lot to consider," "Because, you know, there's a lot to consider, now that I'm here." "now that I'm here." "I got a phone call from your parents." "I got a phone call from your parents." "You're not the first student whose parents weren't 1 00 %" "You're not the first student whose parents weren't 1 00 % about their kid going to a particular college." "about their kid going to a particular college." "They're concerned." "They're concerned." "They're more than concerned." "They're insulted." "They're more than concerned." "They're insulted." "So, do you think that my coming here was a bad idea too?" "." "So, do you think that my coming here was a bad idea too?" "." "Really only you can answer that." "Really only you can answer that." "But what I can tell you is that," "But what I can tell you is that, well, New York, the city as well as the university, well, New York, the city as well as the university, can be a little overwhelming," "can be a little overwhelming, and is often best suited for the independently minded student, and is often best suited for the independently minded student, and your parents seem to imply that you might not fit into that category." "and your parents seem to imply that you might not fit into that category." "Do you have any specific interests outside of medicine?" "." "Do you have any specific interests outside of medicine?" "." "I draw sometimes." "I paint." "I draw sometimes." "I paint." "I brought you some, you know, some samples." "I brought you some, you know, some samples." "For whatever it's worth." "For whatever it's worth." "My parents said that?" "." "My parents said that?" "." "When we get through with him, Alexander Pope will have become" "When we get through with him, Alexander Pope will have become your favourite diminutive, Catholic, English, your favourite diminutive, Catholic, English, hunchback poet in the whole world." "hunchback poet in the whole world." "I've been doing this a lot of years" "I've been doing this a lot of years and I know what's on most of your minds, and I know what's on most of your minds, so let me answer the inevitable freshman questions, so let me answer the inevitable freshman questions," "or as I refer to them, the FQs... or as I refer to them, the FQs..." "I can't say I haven't had the displeasure" "I can't say I haven't had the displeasure of handing out some "incompletes" over the years." "of handing out some "incompletes" over the years." "But looking at you, I'm confident that will not be the case this year." "But looking at you, I'm confident that will not be the case this year." "Unless I'm wrong." "Unless I'm wrong." "And I've been wrong before." "And I've been wrong before." "It's just everything." "Being in New York." "It's just everything." "Being in New York." "And trying to get my course schedule all figured out." "It's overwhelming." "And trying to get my course schedule all figured out." "It's overwhelming." "It is so good to hear you say that." "It is so good to hear you say that." "It's difficult, just figuring out the system." "It's difficult, just figuring out the system." "The only two classes I wanted were filled by the time I got here." "The only two classes I wanted were filled by the time I got here." "Yeah, I know." "And I have this really mysterious roommate situation." "Yeah, I know." "And I have this really mysterious roommate situation." " What do you mean?" "." " I haven't met her yet." " What do you mean?" "." " I haven't met her yet." "She doesn't sleep in our room." "And she has these bone sculptures." "She doesn't sleep in our room." "And she has these bone sculptures." " My roommate has this phobia." " Of what?" "." " My roommate has this phobia." " Of what?" "." "She cleans everything." "Everything smells like pine." "It's disgusting." "She cleans everything." "Everything smells like pine." "It's disgusting." " Come on." " I swear to God." " Come on." " I swear to God." "She wears a face mask when she goes out." "She wears a face mask when she goes out." " That's crazy." " That's my point." " That's crazy." " That's my point." "I know it's just college, but it's sort of terrifying, isn't it?" "." "I know it's just college, but it's sort of terrifying, isn't it?" "." "It's terrifying." "It's terrifying." "My God." "That is so embarrassing." "That is so something I would do." "My God." "That is so embarrassing." "That is so something I would do." "I cannot believe that that's not me." "I cannot believe that that's not me." "What are you looking at?" "." "What are you looking at?" "." "I'll be right back." "I'll be right back." " By the way, I'm Felicity." " I'm Julie." " By the way, I'm Felicity." " I'm Julie." "So what's going on?" "." "So what's going on?" "." "I just wanna preface this by saying that I don't want you to feel weird" "I just wanna preface this by saying that I don't want you to feel weird about anything I'm about to say at all." "about anything I'm about to say at all." "OK." "OK." "The thing is, I came to New York mostly because of you." "The thing is, I came to New York mostly because of you." "Yeah, I had these sort of intense feelings for you back in high school" "Yeah, I had these sort of intense feelings for you back in high school and even though I know that we never really talked before graduation, and even though I know that we never really talked before graduation," "except one time when I was passing out flyers for the blood drive... except one time when I was passing out flyers for the blood drive..." "Anyway, maybe the fact that we never did talk" "Anyway, maybe the fact that we never did talk was why I had those feelings." "was why I had those feelings." "Because now, of course, I realise now that it was a crazy thing to do" "Because now, of course, I realise now that it was a crazy thing to do to follow someone I don't know 3,000 miles, and I sort of panicked, to follow someone I don't know 3,000 miles, and I sort of panicked," "but I just wanted you to know that I'm past that." "but I just wanted you to know that I'm past that." "I'm totally OK with it now." "I mean it, you know." "I'm totally OK with it now." "I mean it, you know." "It's not really about you so much any more." "It's not really about you so much any more." "I'm here now, you know,.." "I'm here now, you know,.." "because I'm here." "because I'm here." "So, what are you thinking?" "." "So, what are you thinking?" "." "I'm... honestly,..." "I'm just..." "I'm... honestly,..." "I'm just..." "I'm just..." "I'm flattered by the whole thing." "I'm just..." "I'm flattered by the whole thing." "Good." "That's really a perfect answer." "Good." "That's really a perfect answer." "OK." "So, can we just be friends?" "." "OK." "So, can we just be friends?" "." " Yeah, sure." "Of course." " Great." " Yeah, sure." "Of course." " Great." "OK." "OK." "Work-study isn't so bad," "Work-study isn't so bad," "I file student applications three hours, three times a week," "I file student applications three hours, three times a week," "The only serious rule is to respect the confidentiality of the documents," "The only serious rule is to respect the confidentiality of the documents, which means, of course, that I'm not supposed to read them, which means, of course, that I'm not supposed to read them," "OK, well, Dad." "I'm sorry, but this isn't about what Uncle Harvey" "OK, well, Dad." "I'm sorry, but this isn't about what Uncle Harvey deeply feels I should be doing with my life." "deeply feels I should be doing with my life." "You know what?" "." "I have to go." "I'm gonna get off the phone, you guys." "You know what?" "." "I have to go." "I'm gonna get off the phone, you guys." "OK." "Can I hang up now, please?" "." "OK." "Can I hang up now, please?" "." "Thanks." "Bye." "Thanks." "Bye." " Sorry!" "God!" " Sorry." "I didn't mean to do that." " Sorry!" "God!" " Sorry." "I didn't mean to do that." "Felicity, right?" "." "I'm Noel." "Felicity, right?" "." "I'm Noel." "I'm not a stalker." "I'm the resident advisor." "Room 729, end of the hall." "I'm not a stalker." "I'm the resident advisor." "Room 729, end of the hall." "Just stopping by to say yo and welcome," "Just stopping by to say yo and welcome, and if there's ever anything you need, and if there's ever anything you need," "I'm kind of like the floor shrink, so just knock." "I'm kind of like the floor shrink, so just knock." "Any time." "OK?" "." "And sorry about the scary part." "Any time." "OK?" "." "And sorry about the scary part." " That's OK." " OK." " That's OK." " OK." "Is now a bad time?" "." "Is now a bad time?" "." "I was consumed by temptation." "I was consumed by temptation." "I've never been consumed by temptation before." "I've never been consumed by temptation before." "The essay question was "What event most changed your life?" ". "" "The essay question was "What event most changed your life?" ". "" "Here was this chance to learn a lot about this guy." "Here was this chance to learn a lot about this guy." "So what, you read this guy Ben's college application essay?" "." "So what, you read this guy Ben's college application essay?" "." "You photocopied his college application essay." "You photocopied his college application essay." "Is that bad?" "." "Is that bad?" "." "Just read it." "Please." "Just read it." "Please." ""l never liked my brother." "He was too well-behaved," ""l never liked my brother." "He was too well-behaved, too handsome, too talented, too much"' too handsome, too talented, too much"'" ""Until I was 1 3, I lived in perpetual darkness," ""Until I was 1 3, I lived in perpetual darkness, the darkness of Jonathan's shadow"' the darkness of Jonathan's shadow"'" ""ln 1 992, Jonathan died of brain cancer"'" ""ln 1 992, Jonathan died of brain cancer"'" "Just skip down to there." "Just skip down to there." ""And as I held the college application," ""And as I held the college application, it occurred to me this was an act Jonathan had never experienced"' it occurred to me this was an act Jonathan had never experienced"'" ""l had surpassed him simply by surviving"'" ""l had surpassed him simply by surviving"'" ""l was older than my older brother now and, there alone in my room," ""l was older than my older brother now and, there alone in my room," "I cried for Jonathan for the first time, cried for the loss," "I cried for Jonathan for the first time, cried for the loss, cried for the love I never knew I had"' cried for the love I never knew I had"'" "Here's what I need to know." "Is it possible to be just friends" "Here's what I need to know." "Is it possible to be just friends with someone I have these immoderate feelings for, with someone I have these immoderate feelings for, or am I doomed for ever to be in love and ultimately significantly hurt?" "." "or am I doomed for ever to be in love and ultimately significantly hurt?" "." "Absolutely you can be friends with Ben." "Absolutely you can be friends with Ben." " Really?" "." " Because you're new here." " Really?" "." " Because you're new here." "And your emotions are heightened." "And your emotions are heightened." "Everything's so much higher than usual, right?" "." "Everything's so much higher than usual, right?" "." "So give it a month and things'll normalise, I swear." "So give it a month and things'll normalise, I swear." "OK, trust me." "I'm the RA." "OK, trust me." "I'm the RA." "OK." "You're right." "OK." "You're right." "Thank you." "Thank you, Noel." "Thank you." "Thank you, Noel." "You're welcome, Felicity." "You're welcome, Felicity." "I'm making an adjustment to the George curve." "I'm making an adjustment to the George curve." "I'm concerned that some of my initial comments along the lines of" "I'm concerned that some of my initial comments along the lines of" ""No one will fail this course"" ""No one will fail this course"" "were taken a little too literally and liberally by many of you." "were taken a little too literally and liberally by many of you." "You know who you are and now I know who you are." "You know who you are and now I know who you are." "So, you will see a slight adjustment in today's assignment..." "So, you will see a slight adjustment in today's assignment..." "It's amazing how much a person can change in two weeks," "It's amazing how much a person can change in two weeks," "The old me would have never been able to let go of my expectations," "The old me would have never been able to let go of my expectations," "I mean, in terms of Ben, When he asked me for help," "I mean, in terms of Ben, When he asked me for help, he wanted to make sure I was OK with things and wouldn't feel weird, he wanted to make sure I was OK with things and wouldn't feel weird," "which I thought was really amazing, which I thought was really amazing," "So we're becoming friends," "So we're becoming friends, which I swear to God I'm totally OK with, surprisingly, which I swear to God I'm totally OK with, surprisingly," "What do you think she means by that?" "." "What do you think she means by that?" "." "OK." "We could look at life as just life, being alive." "OK." "We could look at life as just life, being alive." "Or maybe she means eternal life." "Maybe she's talking about heaven." "Or maybe she means eternal life." "Maybe she's talking about heaven." "Yeah, I think that's right." "I think it's both." "Yeah, I think that's right." "I think it's both." "OK." "OK." "How come you never went to parties in school?" "." "How come you never went to parties in school?" "." "I went to a couple." "Just in case you weren't there on Awards Day," "I went to a couple." "Just in case you weren't there on Awards Day," "I didn't exactly win Most Popular." "I didn't exactly win Most Popular." "God." "You did, didn't you?" "." "You actually won Most Popular." "God." "You did, didn't you?" "." "You actually won Most Popular." "Yeah." "Well, those things are stupid." "Yeah." "Well, those things are stupid." "Come in." "Come in." "Hey." "Hey, I got you this." "Hey." "Hey, I got you this." "It's a pocket guide to the subway, sort of a survival thing." "It's a pocket guide to the subway, sort of a survival thing." "Thanks." "You didn't have to do that, but thanks." "Thanks." "You didn't have to do that, but thanks." "Yeah, it was..." "Don't worry about it." "Yeah, it was..." "Don't worry about it." "So..." "OK." "So..." "OK." "I'll see ya." "I'll see ya." "We were gonna study for the review tomorrow, but I got classes all day." "We were gonna study for the review tomorrow, but I got classes all day." "Well, the review's Friday." "Well, the review's Friday." "Do you wanna do it tomorrow night?" "." "Do you wanna do it tomorrow night?" "." "Have you done the calendar yet?" "." "Have you done the calendar yet?" "." " What?" "." " The floor calendar for next month." " What?" "." " The floor calendar for next month." "Right, but don't I have two weeks for that?" "." "Right, but don't I have two weeks for that?" "." " This is Noel." "This is Ben." " How you doing?" "." " This is Noel." "This is Ben." " How you doing?" "." " Good, thanks." " Good." " Good, thanks." " Good." "I'm just making sure you were on top of it." "I'm just making sure you were on top of it." " I'm on top of it." " OK." " I'm on top of it." " OK." "OK." " Alright." "OK." " Alright." " I'm sorry." " It's OK." " I'm sorry." " It's OK." "Tomorrow night I'm actually..." "I made plans with Julie." "Tomorrow night I'm actually..." "I made plans with Julie." "This one was just to bug you." "This one was just to bug you." "Alright." "OK, my job's done." "Bye-bye." "Alright." "OK, my job's done." "Bye-bye." "Why don't you and Julie and I all go together?" "." "Why don't you and Julie and I all go together?" "." "Do you think Julie'd be OK with that?" "." "Do you think Julie'd be OK with that?" "." "Of course." "Of course." "Wanna hear the scariest thing so far?" "." "My roommate doing my laundry." "Wanna hear the scariest thing so far?" "." "My roommate doing my laundry." "The clean freak?" "." "The clean freak?" "." "She didn't think my underwear was clean enough to be in the same room." "She didn't think my underwear was clean enough to be in the same room." "I'm applying for a room change." "I'm applying for a room change." "You know Ben from poetry." "It's OK if he comes along tonight, right?" "." "You know Ben from poetry." "It's OK if he comes along tonight, right?" "." "What?" "." "What?" "." "Nothing." "Nothing." " I think I have a handle on it." " On what?" "." " I think I have a handle on it." " On what?" "." "The Blake poem." "Our assignment." "I thought it was tough but..." "The Blake poem." "Our assignment." "I thought it was tough but..." "Wait." "You said you were desperate, though." "Wait." "You said you were desperate, though." "Look, seriously, you guys go out." "I don't wanna be a fifth wheel." "Look, seriously, you guys go out." "I don't wanna be a fifth wheel." "Julie, we're not going out." "Julie, we're not going out." "I mean, we're studying." "And we all three need to study, right?" "." "I mean, we're studying." "And we all three need to study, right?" "." "What is the deal with you and Ben?" "." "What is the deal with you and Ben?" "." " Are you dating, or...?" "." " No." " Are you dating, or...?" "." " No." "We're just friends." "We know each other from high school." "We're just friends." "We know each other from high school." "You guys went to the same high school?" "." "You guys went to the same high school?" "." "I thought something was going on." "I thought something was going on." "No." "No." "I just..." "I didn't wanna be the one on the outside." "I just..." "I didn't wanna be the one on the outside." "Of course not." "So will you come, please?" "." "Of course not." "So will you come, please?" "." "What?" "." "What?" "." " In his house?" "." " In his house, all over him." " In his house?" "." " In his house, all over him." "What about the guy who gives his dog a bath?" "." "What about the guy who gives his dog a bath?" "." "And to dry it off he puts it in the microwave." "And to dry it off he puts it in the microwave." " The classic one of all time." " I heard it was a cat." " The classic one of all time." " I heard it was a cat." "It was a dog." "It had to be a dog." "It was a dog." "It had to be a dog." " Cat." " Know any others?" "." " Cat." " Know any others?" "." "The one about the couple who go to Vietnam." "The one about the couple who go to Vietnam." " You're full of them." " I don't like that one." " You're full of them." " I don't like that one." " The Vietnam one, that's disgusting." " You don't know that one?" "." " The Vietnam one, that's disgusting." " You don't know that one?" "." "OK." "I'll be right back." "Will you get me another drink?" "." "OK." "I'll be right back." "Will you get me another drink?" "." "I don't know how you'll feel about this." "I don't know how you'll feel about this." " Feel about what?" "." " Well..." " Feel about what?" "." " Well..." "What we said the other day about being friends, remember that?" "." "What we said the other day about being friends, remember that?" "." "Did you mean that?" "." "You meant what you said?" "." "Did you mean that?" "." "You meant what you said?" "." "Yeah." "I mean, of course I did." "Yeah." "I mean, of course I did." "Why?" "." "What are you...?" "." "Why?" "." "What are you...?" "." "No, it's just,..." "I'm kind of into Julie," "No, it's just,..." "I'm kind of into Julie, and I just wanted to make sure that it's OK." "and I just wanted to make sure that it's OK." " No." " I am so sorry." " No." " I am so sorry." " I thought you said that..." " Don't." "No." " I thought you said that..." " Don't." "No." "There's nothing to be sorry about." "That's actually really fine." "There's nothing to be sorry about." "That's actually really fine." "Yeah." "Yeah." "What do you think?" "." "I mean, I can't tell if she likes me or not." "What do you think?" "." "I mean, I can't tell if she likes me or not." "I can't tell if I'm sitting here and I'm talking too much or what." "I can't tell if I'm sitting here and I'm talking too much or what." "I think that Julie thinks, you know..." "I think that Julie thinks, you know..." "What?" "." "What?" "." "That you're wonderful." "That you're wonderful." "Are you serious?" "." "Are you serious?" "." "Hi." "Are you Meghan?" "." "Hi." "Are you Meghan?" "." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Hi, I'm Felicity, your roommate." "Hi, I'm Felicity, your roommate." " Hello?" "." " Ben?" "." " Hello?" "." " Ben?" "." " No, it's Sean." " Put Ben on." " No, it's Sean." " Put Ben on." " Hello?" "." " It's Felicity." "Buzz me up." " Hello?" "." " It's Felicity." "Buzz me up." " You think we could talk tomorrow?" "." " Ben, no." " You think we could talk tomorrow?" "." " Ben, no." "How could you write that in my yearbook?" "." "How could you write that in my yearbook?" "." " What?" "." " "I've watched you for four years"'" " What?" "." " "I've watched you for four years"'" ""Always wondered what you were like"' You wrote those words to me." ""Always wondered what you were like"' You wrote those words to me." "I asked if you were OK with things." "I asked if you were OK with things." "I was, but it doesn't mean your actions don't have consequences." "I was, but it doesn't mean your actions don't have consequences." " What actions are those?" "." " Come on." " What actions are those?" "." " Come on." "Even the slightest behaviour means something." "That's so obvious." "Even the slightest behaviour means something." "That's so obvious." "Like physics." "Nothing happens without an effect." "Like physics." "Nothing happens without an effect." " I never took physics." " Don't say that." "That's what you do." " I never took physics." " Don't say that." "That's what you do." "You play innocent and you're charismatic and you smile" "You play innocent and you're charismatic and you smile and you made me fall for you and this is what's not fair." "and you made me fall for you and this is what's not fair." " You knew it and you liked it." " The fact that you like me?" "." " You knew it and you liked it." " The fact that you like me?" "." " Yes, of course I do." " You said you were flattered." " Yes, of course I do." " You said you were flattered." "Flattered?" "." "No, I was awkward." "Flattered?" "." "No, I was awkward." "I revealed a bit about myself in your yearbook and you changed your plans." "I revealed a bit about myself in your yearbook and you changed your plans." " What are we talking about?" "." " I know you better than you think." " What are we talking about?" "." " I know you better than you think." " You do?" "." " Yes." "I know all about your brother." " You do?" "." " Yes." "I know all about your brother." " What?" "." " I read your application essay." " What?" "." " I read your application essay." " You read my essay?" "." " One immoral thing in 1 7 years..." " You read my essay?" "." " One immoral thing in 1 7 years..." "Wait." "How did you read my essay?" "." "Wait." "How did you read my essay?" "." "You led me on?" "." "You made me fall in love with you." "You led me on?" "." "You made me fall in love with you." "You're acting crazy." "All I did was be nice to you." "You're acting crazy." "All I did was be nice to you." "I never asked you to come here." "That was your choice, not mine." "I never asked you to come here." "That was your choice, not mine." "How could you think you're in love with me?" "." "You don't even know me." "How could you think you're in love with me?" "." "You don't even know me." " Hey." " Hey." " Hey." " Hey." "Ifyou think about the advantages and disadvantages of being here," "If you think about the advantages and disadvantages of being here, compared to just taking a semester off and going back to Stanford... compared to just taking a semester off and going back to Stanford... in the long run, even the short run," "in the long run, even the short run," "I'll be way head, you know, of the general..." "I'll be way head, you know, of the general..." "I mean, staying here really would cost a fortune." "I mean, staying here really would cost a fortune." "And my dad was right when he said" "And my dad was right when he said that he worked really hard to keep me from having to pay for college that he worked really hard to keep me from having to pay for college for, like, a decade after I graduate, you know." "for, like, a decade after I graduate, you know." "And I should take advantage of that." "And I should take advantage of that." "And the financial aid office actually said" "And the financial aid office actually said that they would refund a portion of the semester, so... that they would refund a portion of the semester, so..." "My parents are coming on Sunday," "My parents are coming on Sunday, which seems like pretty good timing, don't you think?" "." "which seems like pretty good timing, don't you think?" "." "So I'm gonna just go back to Palo Alto" "So I'm gonna just go back to Palo Alto and get back on track, you know, become a doctor... and get back on track, you know, become a doctor..." "..and maybe save someone else's life." "..and maybe save someone else's life." "OK." "OK." "OK." "OK." "Thank you..." "Thank you... for your patience, for your patience, cos you must think I'm a real basket case." "cos you must think I'm a real basket case." "Look, I got a chance to look over your portfolio." "Look, I got a chance to look over your portfolio." "I'm not saying you wouldn't make an exceptional physician, but..." "I'm not saying you wouldn't make an exceptional physician, but... ..you're already an artist." "..you're already an artist." "Thank you." "Thank you." "This was outside your door." "This was outside your door." "It must have been put in the wrong mailbox, which wouldn't be..." "It must have been put in the wrong mailbox, which wouldn't be... pretty weird for the mailroom." "pretty weird for the mailroom." " Who's it from?" "." " My French tutor." " Who's it from?" "." " My French tutor." "She,..." "She,..." "We worked together for years and..." "We worked together for years and..." "Three months before her wedding her fiancé was killed." "Three months before her wedding her fiancé was killed." "He was on a motorcycle and the guy who hit him was in a jeep." "He was on a motorcycle and the guy who hit him was in a jeep." "Sally couldn't deal, so she moved away, just cos I guess she had to." "Sally couldn't deal, so she moved away, just cos I guess she had to." "I've never been able to talk to anyone like I can talk to her," "I've never been able to talk to anyone like I can talk to her, so instead of writing, I talk to her and she talks back to me, so instead of writing, I talk to her and she talks back to me," "and that's who that's from." "and that's who that's from." "I'm sure you felt the same thing when Jonathan died." "I'm sure you felt the same thing when Jonathan died." "Listen, I need to talk to you." "Listen, I need to talk to you." "I'm sorry about the other night." "I..." "I'm sorry about the other night." "I..." "Maybe we could go up on the roof or something." "Maybe we could go up on the roof or something." "Please." "Please." "What I wanted to say, what I've been thinking about" "What I wanted to say, what I've been thinking about since you came to see me the other night, is the truth." "since you came to see me the other night, is the truth." "The fact is, Felicity, the thing that I wanted to share with you is that" "The fact is, Felicity, the thing that I wanted to share with you is that" "I never had a brother, ever." "I never had a brother, ever." "I mean, I had to write something, right, so I wrote all this..." "I mean, I had to write something, right, so I wrote all this... well, you read what I wrote." "well, you read what I wrote." "And I wanted to tell you because..." "And I wanted to tell you because... well, I don't know why I wanted to tell you." "well, I don't know why I wanted to tell you." "Because you provoke me." "Because you provoke me." "You know, you make me think about things that I never think about." "You know, you make me think about things that I never think about." "Without even saying anything, just by the way you look at me." "Without even saying anything, just by the way you look at me." "You want the absolute truth?" "." "You want the absolute truth?" "." "One of the main reasons I wanted to come to New York" "One of the main reasons I wanted to come to New York was that it was a good chance of getting far away from everything:" "was that it was a good chance of getting far away from everything:" "my parents, my family, all that crap." "my parents, my family, all that crap." "And, yeah, on top of it I lied to get in, so basically I'm a shallow loser." "And, yeah, on top of it I lied to get in, so basically I'm a shallow loser." "But I'm also very sorry that I'm not who you thought I was," "But I'm also very sorry that I'm not who you thought I was, a guy you came so far to get to know because you thought he was so great." "a guy you came so far to get to know because you thought he was so great." "What are you thinking?" "." "What are you thinking?" "." "I'd never made a substantial choice in my life." "That's why I came here." "I'd never made a substantial choice in my life." "That's why I came here." "I thought it was you, but you were just really the excuse." "I thought it was you, but you were just really the excuse." "When I came up to you at graduation, it was like a high, like a drug," "When I came up to you at graduation, it was like a high, like a drug, because I had never done something like that before." "because I had never done something like that before." "What I mean is that I wasn't fully sober," "What I mean is that I wasn't fully sober, and so the irony of it is that the first real big decision I made and so the irony of it is that the first real big decision I made" "turned out to be just stupid and embarrassing... turned out to be just stupid and embarrassing... and..." "I guess something I'll look back on as a regret." "and..." "I guess something I'll look back on as a regret." "And that's that." "And that's that." "I wanted to make sure that everything was OK, especially if you're leaving." "I wanted to make sure that everything was OK, especially if you're leaving." "You didn't have to do that." "You didn't have to do that." "Yeah, I did." "Yeah, I did." "I can't wait to see this place when it snows." "I can't wait to see this place when it snows." "OK, here's my speech." "OK, here's my speech." "This is the big speech from Noel." "This is the big speech from Noel." "You mustn't leave this school." "Why?" "." "You mustn't leave this school." "Why?" "." "Here's why." "Because this is a life struggle." "Here's why." "Because this is a life struggle." "This is fate." "This is a challenge." "This is fate." "This is a challenge." "If you turn away from this now, you will, and I promise you this," "If you turn away from this now, you will, and I promise you this, be confronted by the same issue five years from now, or ten." "be confronted by the same issue five years from now, or ten." "You'll be the fancy doctor with the fancy practice." "You'll be the fancy doctor with the fancy practice." "You'll be married and you'll have, like, four phone lines in your home." "You'll be married and you'll have, like, four phone lines in your home." "And then, boom, it'll grip you like a blast of freezing cold air." "And then, boom, it'll grip you like a blast of freezing cold air." "You know, what the hell is my life?" "." "You know, what the hell is my life?" "." "And you'll be able to trace it back to this instant, this very moment," "And you'll be able to trace it back to this instant, this very moment, when that geek RA gave you these four words of advice:" "when that geek RA gave you these four words of advice:" "stay in New York or perish." "stay in New York or perish." "Five... six words." "Five... six words." "Let me just,..." "Let me just,..." "I just wanna..." "I just wanna..." "I mean, you don't have..." "I mean, you don't have... ..feelings for me, do you?" "." "..feelings for me, do you?" "." "Me?" "." "Honestly?" "." "Me?" "." "Honestly?" "." "Do you?" "." "Do you?" "." "Yeah." "Yeah." "But..." "But... ..if I can just give you one more bit of advice." "..if I can just give you one more bit of advice." "Don't fundamentally disregard everything I've told you" "Don't fundamentally disregard everything I've told you just because of my affection for you." "just because of my affection for you." "I'm so sorry." "I'm so sorry." "This is the last thing in the world that I wanted, to hurt you." "This is the last thing in the world that I wanted, to hurt you." "If I had known that you liked Ben," "If I had known that you liked Ben," "Felicity, I never ever would have back to his place." "Felicity, I never ever would have back to his place." "It all just..." "It seems really important right now." "It all just..." "It seems really important right now." "You are my friend, OK?" "." "And that..." "You are my friend, OK?" "." "And that... ..means more to me than you probably think." "..means more to me than you probably think." "I'm not gonna see him again, OK?" "." "I'm not gonna see him again, OK?" "." "It doesn't matter." "I mean, I'm leaving anyway, so..." "It doesn't matter." "I mean, I'm leaving anyway, so..." " We realise we overreacted." " Especially Dad." " We realise we overreacted." " Especially Dad." "Especially me." "And, when you think about it, so did you." "A little." "Especially me." "And, when you think about it, so did you." "A little." "Anyway, we've obviously gone over this ad infinitum," "Anyway, we've obviously gone over this ad infinitum," " That's why we're here." " Amnesty." " That's why we're here." " Amnesty." "You've missed the first quarter at Stanford." "You've missed the first quarter at Stanford." "And we're very flexible, but the general idea is this." "And we're very flexible, but the general idea is this." "You come home this week, next week." "We cover every expense." "You come home this week, next week." "We cover every expense." "We'll even take care of that loan." "You'll start at Stanford in January." "We'll even take care of that loan." "You'll start at Stanford in January." "You can make up the lost credits by June." "You can make up the lost credits by June." "Then we're right back on schedule and you got a chance to see the world" "Then we're right back on schedule and you got a chance to see the world and find out what you really wanted was what you already had." "and find out what you really wanted was what you already had." " What if they don't let me in?" "." " I took care of that." " What if they don't let me in?" "." " I took care of that." "I went by the registration office and picked up your packet." "I went by the registration office and picked up your packet." "What do you mean, took care of it?" "." "What do you mean, took care of it?" "." "Well, I made a few calls, had a few lunches." "Like in the fall." "Well, I made a few calls, had a few lunches." "Like in the fall." "The point is, and I think you're being very mature about this," "The point is, and I think you're being very mature about this, you made an impulsive decision and it was a mistake." "you made an impulsive decision and it was a mistake." " And now we're gonna fix it." " What did you do in the fall?" "." " And now we're gonna fix it." " What did you do in the fall?" "." "I made a few calls, I pulled a few strings." "I made a few calls, I pulled a few strings." "I didn't know that." "I didn't know that." "Last but not least..." "Last but not least..." "You can have Mom's car." "You can have Mom's car." "And when you get back, we'll look at some apartments" "And when you get back, we'll look at some apartments and see if there's anything we can all agree on." "What do you say?" "." "and see if there's anything we can all agree on." "What do you say?" "." "I guess the thing is that if I made a mistake," "I guess the thing is that if I made a mistake, then at least it was mine, you know?" "." "then at least it was mine, you know?" "." "No, I don't know." "What does that mean?" "." "No, I don't know." "What does that mean?" "." "It means that..." "It means that... .. I think I have to stay." "..I think I have to stay." "Wait a minute." "You were about to agree to this." "Wait a minute." "You were about to agree to this." "I know, but... that would have been a pretty impulsive decision, right?" "." "I know, but... that would have been a pretty impulsive decision, right?" "." "And..." "I just..." "I don't think that would be the best thing to do." "And..." "I just..." "I don't think that would be the best thing to do." "But it is." "It is the best thing to do right now." "But it is." "It is the best thing to do right now." "Well, I just..." "I really think I should give it some time, you know?" "." "Well, I just..." "I really think I should give it some time, you know?" "." "I mean..." "I mean..." "I really can't wait to see what this city looks like when it snows." "I really can't wait to see what this city looks like when it snows." "Snows?" "." "Snows?" "." "Alright, if you do this," "Alright, if you do this, if you decide to do this and make this... colossal mistake and stay, if you decide to do this and make this... colossal mistake and stay, that's it." "that's it." "We're not gonna bail you out next time." "We're not gonna bail you out next time." "Well, I guess that's a decision you'll have to make." "Well, I guess that's a decision you'll have to make." "Dear Felicity, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you," "Dear Felicity, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you," "It's been a real struggle in Santa Fe," "It's been a real struggle in Santa Fe," "I guess when your heart gets broken, you see the cracks in everything," "I guess when your heart gets broken, you see the cracks in everything," "I'm convinced that tragedy wants to harden us," "I'm convinced that tragedy wants to harden us, and that our mission is to never let it, and that our mission is to never let it," "Two weeks ago I was going to move again," "Two weeks ago I was going to move again," "I was all packed, I was going to start all over somewhere new," "I was all packed, I was going to start all over somewhere new," "That morning I received your first tape from college," "That morning I received your first tape from college," "I sat there in my little apartment, listening to your voice," "I sat there in my little apartment, listening to your voice, crying like a baby, crying like a baby," "Suddenly you were tutoring me," "Suddenly you were tutoring me," "I'm learning little by little that we decide what our lives are gonna be," "I'm learning little by little that we decide what our lives are gonna be," "Things happen to us, but it's our reactions that matter," "Things happen to us, but it's our reactions that matter," "I just want you to know I think you've made a really great choice," "I just want you to know I think you've made a really great choice, and I can't wait to hear what happens, and I can't wait to hear what happens,"