"For 800 years," "Norrisville High has been protected by a ninja." "No one knows that every four years, a new warrior is chosen." "♪ Go, ninja!" "♪" "A freshman to fight the forces of evil." "I am the ninja." "I am Randy Cunningham." "♪ Smoke bomb ♪" "♪ What the hey?" "Come on, you ♪" "♪ What the juice?" "He's a Bruce ♪" "♪ That's the cheese Ninja freeze ♪" "♪ Ninja rock Don't stop ♪" " ♪ What the hey?" "♪ - ♪ Come on, you ♪" "♪ Do it, ninja What the juice?" "♪" "♪ He's a hero Come on, fighter ♪" "♪ Just a freshman and a ninja ♪" "Smoke bomb!" "Welcome, freshmen." "I'm sure you're bummed to be back in school." "Well, so am I!" "Five hundred words." "What you did on your summer vacation." "Randy Cunningham." "Nine." "What I did on my summer..." "Cunningham." "Let me copy off ya." "Howard, we can't turn in the exact same essay." "But we had the exact same summer." "No talking!" "Well, it wasn't the exact same." "I mean, it started out the same." "But then, a week ago, something epic happened." "Congratulations." "You have punched all the graves." "And, the day after that, something even epic-er happened." "The NinjaNomicon." "Eh." ""You are the ninja."" "Oh, my..." "Sweet!" "I have to tell Howard." ""You can't tell anyone."" "Ah, that's wonk!" "Listen, I don't know how it works, but the ninja suit is the straight-up cheese." "It lets me do things I could never, ever do." "I am Randy Cunningham." "I am the ninja." "It's pretty much the coolest thing ever." "Only bummer is I can't tell anyone." "Not even my best friend." "Pencils down!" "And now I'm realizing this probably wasn't the best topic for my essay." "What's this supposed to be?" "Uh, my commentary on the fleeting nature of summer?" "Ooh, excellent use of metaphor." " Aced it!" " I'll give you a B." "B'ced it!" "Go away, Bash!" "I don't want a wedgie." "I already gave you a wedgie." "I just wanna give you your change!" "Can we talk about this ninja situation?" "Ninja situation?" "There is no ninja situation." "Exactly, the no ninja situation." "We've been in Norrisville High for two days, and we haven't seen this guy once." "I think he has to wait for, like, a monster or a robot to attack." "Why aren't you madder about this?" " Come on!" " We are his number one fans." "I mean, it's not like he can just smoke bomb on by for a meet and greet." "Or can he?" "You assured me you would destroy the ninja." "But I haven't seen him all summer." "Have you seen him, Viceroy?" "I haven't seen him." "Then again, he is a ninja, so stealth is kinda his dealio." "We have a plan." "The second he pokes his little ninja head out of his little ninja hidey-hole..." "Bam!" "Destroyed!" "Do... not... fail... me." "Mr. McFist, your wife is on the line." "Hey, sugarface!" "I'm a teensy bit busy here." "Of course." "I'll meet you there, honeycakes." "How am I supposed to run an evil empire when my stepson keeps getting in trouble at school?" " Kids." " Just get down to your lab and build me something deadly." "Something dangerous." "Something with a cup holder!" "You know what?" "Forget the cup holder, just make it deadly." "Mm-hmm." "Hmm." "Hmm!" "Cunningham, I know you're in the can, but if you don't want me to eat your tater lumps, just say so." "Smoke bomb!" "Hello, students, 'tis I, the ninja!" "Finally!" "Yes!" "Ninja!" "Hey, cork it, Cunningham." "The ninja just showed up." "In these two days of school alone," "Bash has given 66 wedgies, 32 swirlies, and a Chattanooga Gravy Bowl." "Is that even a real thing?" "Sweet potatoes!" "Oh, yeah!" "Oh, Principal Slimovitz," "I just don't believe my little Bashford would ever do anything like that." "Yeah, Ma, he's framing me!" "Hey!" "The ninja's in the cafeteria!" "Ooh, the ninja!" "What say we take a fiver?" " I'm escaping!" " Oh, go on." "If you don't destroy the ninja now, it's all you'll talk about on the ride home." "You know what?" "You're the best!" "McFist Industries," "Evil Genius Viceroy speaking." "The ninja's at the school right now." "Release the... the thing!" "His name is Krakenstein." "Release the Krakenstein!" "Go forth, my Krakenstein, and destroy the ninja!" "Well, he's about yea high, red scarf, black suit." "Maybe it's navy blue." "No, you're right, it is black." "You never wear red with navy blue." "Now, as a ninja, I must be prepared at any moment to do this, and this, and how could I forget this?" "You've been great, everybody." "See ya next time." "Remember to tip those lunch ladies." " Smoke bom..." " No, wait, ninja." "My buddy and I have been dying to meet you since we were kids." "Please just hang out until he gets back?" "Aw, that's really cool of you." "But I can't." "I must go." "Yes, destroy." "Destroy!" "My first monster fight." "So honkin' cool!" "Ninja flip!" "Monster, get ready to get..." "Eesh! "Cunningham, get back here." "The ninja's totally getting pwned."" "I wouldn't say I'm getting pwned." "Uh-oh." "What?" "Oh, man, I am getting pwned." "Ninja sprint!" "I wasn't hiding from you, if that's what you think." "Now what?" "Where have you been?" "We were supposed to meet the ninja together." "Man, but between you and me, he was kinda stankin' it up out there." "Come on, Howard." "I... uh..." "The ninja was trying his best, OK?" "It's not like there are instructions for being the ninja." "The instructions!" "I need to use the bathroom!" "Hey ya, Randy." "The NinjaNomicon." "Come on, baby, drop some secret ninja knowledge on me." ""Believe in the weapon that is in the suit."" "OK, what's in the suit?" "I'm in the suit." "I'm the weapon." "I just have to believe in me." "See ya, Randy." "Why?" "!" "Hey, perfect, you're back." "I got some great news." "Sorry, Howard, but I have to, um..." "No, no." "You are going to stick around for this." "Yeah, turns out the ninja couldn't beat that monster, so he just locked it in a basement stall." " So I let it out." " You did what?" "!" "Yeah." "Now, the ninja's gotta come back, and we can see him in action together." "You want to thank me now or later, or how should we do this?" "Where the heck is what's-his-crack?" " There he is!" " My car!" "Ninja action, courtesy of moi." "Who's the best friend ever?" "Huh?" "Are you kidding me?" "Smoke bomb!" "Ninja, ninja, ninja, ninja, ninja..." "I believe in me, I believe in me." "I believe in me kicking your butt." "Ninja block, ninja block, ninja block, ninja block, ninja block, and ninja block." "Who's getting pwned now?" "Ninja, ninja, ninja!" " What?" "!" " Secret arm!" "That is so Viceroy." "I don't get it." "I'm believing." "What else could be in the suit?" "Ah." "Believe in the weapon that is in the suit." "That makes way more sense." "Let's do this." "Stop." "No... way, dudes." "That was awesome." "Ha!" "Smoke bomb, smoke bomb, smoke bomb," " smoke bomb!" " Smoke bomb!" "Hey, Howard." "Oh, you think I'm some sort of chowder head?" "I... don't know how to answer that." " I know what you've been up to." " You do?" "Yeah." "First, you're gone, ninja's here." "And then, he's gone, and then you're here." "I know your secret, man." "Howard, listen, I wanted to tell you." "Well, it's too late now." "Yeah, I figured it all out..." " ...with my mind." " This is such a relief." "It's been killing me that I couldn't tell you." "I mean, sneaking off so you can have the bathroom all to yourself every time the ninja shows up." "Wait, you're the ninja?" "My best friend's the ninja!" "This is incredible!" "I'm gonna tell everyone." " You can't tell anyone." " Well, that stinks." "No, Howard, this stinks." "Smoke bomb!" "Oh, man." "Those things smell like fart." "You get used to it." "You'd be surprised, you start liking it."