"Lucy, do you understand why you're back at the hospital?" "Lucy." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Lucy." "Listen to me." " You can't run away." " You can't." " We're right here." " You can't run." " Your life." " Please, please, let me out." " Please let me out." " Why don't you listen to me?" " We're everywhere." " Don't follow." "Let me out!" "What did you take?" "What did you take?" "No." "Aah!" "No!" "How are your wrists, hon?" "I'm sorry they restrained you." "Lucy." "You've had another schizophrenic episode." "But we're gonna work on making you well." "Lucy, why don't you introduce yourself to the group?" "Hi, I'm Lucy." "I..." "Obviously." "I go to law school." " I went to law school." " She's a schizo." "I saw them bring her in all strapped down and screaming." "Great." "What'd you do, bite a cop?" "Bruce." "Okay." "As if our party wasn't full enough with Chuckles, Forgetful, and Her Majesty here, now we add Schizo to the mix." "Well, this isn't Club Med, so I doubt you're here for a tan." "No, I, uh..." "I tried to:" "Because I went off my meds." "Me too." "Lucy, what do you think led you to make that decision?" "Um..." "I wanted to prove to you that you were wrong." "Wrong about what?" "About me." "About my diagnosis." "And you're not." "I have schizophrenia." "Ha-ha-ha." "I hear you." "I hear you." "I know." "I know." "Go, go, flow." "Joe, Joe." "Doe." "Go." "I hear you." "Hear..." "Hear..." "Hear you." "Don't eat that." "It's wicked gross." "Try the pancakes." "They come with a cherry." "Good morning." "Welcome to kindergarten." "I couldn't feel stupider." "I graduated magna cum laude." "Obviously not from art school." " How long do we have to do this?" " What, you don't like art therapy?" "Nice, Edward." "I see you've chosen to draw a house." " Is this your childhood home?" " Yeah, that's where I was born." "I see you've drawn a tree." "Do you think you're a tree?" "Heh, heh." " At least I didn't draw a knife." " What knife?" "This knife." "Oh, you're gonna get your meds upped for that." "You should not be drawing knives in art therapy." " All right." " Ha, ha." "Don't." "Oh!" "It's almost like an outside force is guiding me." "Stop it." "Nice work." " You ruined mine." " Sorry." "When my little sister was 8, her appendix burst and she was in the hospital for like a week." "And she was scared of everything." "The doctors, the needles, the, um, weird plastic kidney-shaped thing that she had to pee in." "Um..." "So I made my mom take me to the hospital every day." "And I sat by her bed and I painted her nails and we made fun of the nurses together and..." "I didn't really think I was doing anything that spectacular, you know, because I thought of course I would do that." "She would do the same thing for me." "But the thing is, um, she hasn't come here to visit me." "Not even once." "I'm glad they don't come." "I don't want anyone to see me in here." "It just makes me sad, that's all." "Before we end, I just wanted to mention that this is Bruce's last session." "He'll be leaving tomorrow." "And, Bruce, we really wanna wish you well." "I thought they gave you grounds privileges." "They did." "It's not much of a privilege unless you use it." "So you're really leaving?" "Well, my insurance ran out, so I guess so." "Are you ready?" "Do I have a choice?" "You cold?" "Oh." "Uh, a little." " Thanks." " Mm-hm." " God, this feels so normal." " Hm." "Is that crazy?" "You thinking the law library was haunted, that's crazy." "This is, um..." "This is fine." "What's it like?" " What?" " Just hearing the voices." "Oh, um..." "It sucks." "Well, what does it feel like?" "Because I just picture it like there's a radio on in your head or something." "Um, no, it's not in my head." "It's..." "I actually hear them with my ears." "Like people standing behind me, or beside me or creeping up." "Sometimes it's just one." "And then sometimes it's so many that I can't sort out the voices from my actual thoughts." "Well, what do they say?" "That I should die." "That I'm worthless, that I'm evil, stupid." " I'm so sorry." " That I'm..." "No, it's, um..." "Yeah, it's terrifying." "Do they ever say good things?" "You know, like:" ""Your hair smells like cupcakes."" "Or:" ""I don't wanna leave you."" "No, they never say that." "Well, then your voices are idiots." " What is it?" " It's a labyrinth." "You think of a question," " okay?" " A question." "Mm-hm." "Something in your life that needs an answer and then you just walk the path." "And maybe you'll get an answer." "Okay." "A question." "Lucy." " He hates you." " This is when you die." "I can't." "I can't do this." "You're disgusting." " I can't." " You're disgusting." " He hates you." "He hates you." " Getaway from him." "Getaway." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Lucy, did you hear me?" "What?" "I asked you if you were upset because Bruce left." "Am I ever gonna get out?" "Are you getting sick of me?" "What I'm getting sick of is Fish-Stick Fridays." "You will be leaving at some point, yes." "But our sessions don't have to end." "I would like to be a regular part of your life." "What life?" " Lucy." " No, no, you don't understand." "I know what my life should look like." "I know that I should be in school and starting my career and going on dates and making out in inappropriate places but I'm never gonna be able to do that." "I have something for you." "Torts." "Funny." "You know, that's what drove me crazy in the first place." "That book didn't cause your psychosis." "Law school didn't cause your psychosis." "Didn't help." "Why did you wanna be a lawyer?" "I wanted..." "I wanted to do something that used the part of my brain that was healthy." "So, what's different now?" "I know how the world sees me." "And people with schizophrenia aren't lawyers." "They're bag ladies." "So prove them wrong." "Finish law school." "You have insight into something very few people understand." "Think about this." "If you finish law school, who could you help?" "Their distinct color comes from their main food source, shrimp." "Not far away from our flamingo friends..." "Cat." "Bat." "Rat-a-tat-tat." " Jack Sprat could eat no fat." " Heh." "Right?" "Right." "You're so lucky." "Your voices... stop sometimes." "Times." "Crimes." "Limes." "Times." "I have a secret." "It's about my mother." "There was the one I told my friends about... the mom I wished I had." "She mostly lives in my snow globe." "Then there was Up Mom." "You see what I'm talking about?" "Have you ever seen anything as cute as this?" "Ever?" "Huh?" "Bill, isn't my Grace the cutest girl that comes in here?" "Of all the girls who come in here, isn't my Grace the cutest?" "Right?" "Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" "Oh, my God, it's just amazing." "Two ninety-nine for fabric softener?" "Not a chance on your life." "Do you see this?" "Two ninety-nine for fabric softener." "Look at that." "Two ninety-nine, fabric softener." "Who wants a fabric softener?" "Hello?" "Fabric softener." "There you go." "You got it." "Yours." "Heh." " Got ahold of me?" " Stop." " What?" "What?" " Stop, Mom." "Please stop." "It's all right, sweetie." "Two ninety-nine." " Mom." "Mom, stop..." " Oh, sweetness." "Oh, angel." "You're the best." "You're the best in the land." " Stop, please." " This is the very best." "The very best girl ever in the whole wide world." "The prettiest, smartest, brightest," " greatest, the best." " Mom, please." "Oh!" "I love you." "How much?" "How much?" "How much will you give me for her?" "No, I'm just kidding." "I'm just kidding." "Have some fabric softener." "Yes, indeed." "Ooh!" "I'm gonna get a few of them." "What, honey?" "What?" "What are you looking at, huh?" "What are you looking at?" "Come on." "Come on." "Come on." "And I started flipping out." "I was moving my foot and hitting my toes with my..." "Oh, that's disgusting." "Let's not talk about it." "Ugh." "You think your mom will let us stay up all night?" "Yeah." "And we could also..." "Um, tonight's not gonna be good." "I just remembered I have to see my grandma." "What?" "Oh, but..." "I'll come by your house if I can, maybe." "It's okay." "See you tomorrow, Gracie." "Then there was the other mom." "Mommy?" "How was school, baby?" "Hm?" " Want a foot rub?" " Oh, no, honey." "What are you doing?" "Why did you do that?" "You want the neighbors to see me?" " Is that what you want?" " No." "They're gonna take me away if they see me." "I'm sorry, Mommy." "Oh, I'm so..." "What kind of tea do you want?" "Mint?" "You like mint." "I would try anything to reach her." "Ow!" "Ow, ow, ow!" "Mommy, I burnt myself!" "Ow." "Go find your..." "Go find Dad." "Daddy." "Daddy..." "Daddy will help." "They finally gave my two moms one name." "But by then, Dad was already done." "Andi was the one left there to keep her secret, to keep her safe." "And I did." "A pocketful of posies" "And sometimes it was great." "We all fall down" " You should get one too." " Oh, thank you, sweetheart." "Oh, you're the best baby girl that ever lived." "Hi, honey." "Hi, sweetums." "Oh, God." "Hi, hi, hi." " Mom, what's up?" " Oh, nothing." " We are..." " Surprise!" "Oh, my God." " Two words:" "Ryan Gosling." " Ryan Gosling." "What do you think?" "Your mom had lunch with Ryan Gosling." "I think he's a little strange-looking." " Come on, get in the car." " I don't think this is a good idea." " It's totally fine." "Come on, get in the car." " It's Ryan Gosling." "Come on." " This is gonna be amazing." " I assure you, it's just fine and dandy." " He invited us, sweetheart." " Can we stop by my house?" "I don't really wanna be wearing this." " You look fine." " You look like schoolgirls." " Hey, let's go shopping." " Oh, my gosh." "This is amazing." "Okay, Grace, you have the coolest mom in history." " Ryan Gosling." " Oh, my gosh." "Aah!" "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" "Wait, wait, what did he say?" ""Absolutely." "We'll be here working all night long."" "I said, "Really?" "It's okay if we come by?"" "He said, "Yeah, we're just rehearsing now."" " Ohh." " Uh, um..." " What are these?" " She doesn't know what they are." "Ha-ha-ha." "They're goldfish." "I know what a goldfish is, but why do you have goldfish in your car?" "What we're gonna do is we're gonna take them out to the ocean." "You can't set them free in the ocean." "They'll die." "They're freshwater fish." "Okay." "I hear you, sweetheart." "You are so smart." "We'll come up with plan B. We'll come up with a really good idea." "It won't be sort of kind of good." "It'll be a perfect idea." "You'll love it." "All right, so we're gonna look at lipstick, we're gonna look at jewelry." " Shoes, bags." " We're gonna..." "Oh, shoes." " You guys wanna look at shoes?" " Let's look at shoes, please." " Yes, heels." " Oh, my God, wait a second." "Wait." " Do you wanna go in here?" " Can't let them overheat, right?" "Oh, my gosh." "Are the goldfish coming with us?" "Hey, Grace, come on." "d Slow down and breathe d d If you can concede d d I know what you're thinking d" "d I hear that you really like Those bad girls d d Don't waste your time on sad girls Don't waste your time dd" "Grace." "What...?" "Why aren't you trying anything on?" "Did you take your meds?" "What do you mean, did I take my meds?" "Of course." "For God's sake, Mom." "Ha-ha-ha." "It's just, you don't spend money like this when you're on them." " What are you saying, hm?" " Nothing." "It's nothing." "Just having a good time with your friends." "Isn't that all right?" "Just because I'm sick from time to time, I can't have a good time?" " That's not what I'm saying." " We're having a good time." "See?" "That jacket is gorgeous." "You see that jacket?" "It's beautiful, right?" "Oh, my..." "Oh, with the shoes." "Oh, my God, it's perfect." "Come on, baby." "Just try something on." "Try these on." "Wanna try these on?" "They're really cute." "We'll get three of these." "We'll get one for you and one for Grace." "Let's get three of them." " Thanks, Robin." "You're awesome." " Plan B. There it is." "Right there in front of us." "I knew it." "I knew it." " Just trust and it will come." " Oh, my gosh." "This is insane." " The fountain is plan B?" " You're putting them in the fountain?" " Really?" " Freshwater." " Oh, my gosh." " It's like a giant aquarium, I guess." " Make a wish upon each fish." " Okay, guys." "Out you go." "Out you go." " Ma'am, I don't think you can do that." " We should probably go." "Stick with your buddy." " Don't get left behind." " Ma'am." " Mom." " Freedom!" "I got a lady and three minors putting some fish in the fountain." " I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." " Run, run, run." "Hoo-hoo!" "Hey, Grace, come on." "Get in the car." "Come on." "I wanna go home." " No." " Why?" "I have homework." "Can you call your mom to pick us up?" ""Us"?" "Izzy, you're not messing this up for me." "Please don't." "Please come with us." "I wanna meet Ryan." "I'm going with your mom." "Yeah." "Baby, Ryan." " Please, no." "No, no, no." " You come with me." "And you can get a cab, right?" "You got taxi money in your pocket." "No, no, no." "Fine, fine." "I'm coming, I'm coming." "No, no, no." "Fine, fine." "I'm coming, I'm coming." "I knew you would." "See?" "Freshwater." "They're gonna be fine." " Ryan Gosling." " Ryan Gosling, here we come." " You are..." " That was so much fun, you guys." " I know." "And your leopard pants." " Too much fun." "Too much fun." " And my shorts." "Totally." " They're so nice." " Mom, can we just please go home?" " You are no fun." "This is why you're the designated driver." "You're the responsible one." "That's funny, honey." "That's really funny." " Unlike us." "You are so not responsible." " I'm responsible sometimes." "Where are you girls gonna go to school?" "Where are you gonna apply to college, huh?" " CalArts." "Yeah." " Ohh." " Great." " UCSB." " Yeah." " You see?" "Both of them, local." "Oh, my God." "This one, she wants to apply someplace like the University of Lithuania." "Ha-ha-ha!" "I don't even know where I want to apply yet." " Lithuania." " I mean, it's like the East Coast, right?" "Well, yeah." "The East Coast, it's not that far away." "Not Lithuania." "The East Coast." "It's not that far." "They're gonna love you in Lithuania." "Hey." "Hey, you guys." "We're going to see Ryan Gosling." "You wanna come?" "Huh?" "What are you laughing at?" "Are you too cool for that?" "What, are you too old to go see Ryan Gosling?" " Is that what it is?" " Oh, we're too old, huh?" "I'll show you who's too old, baby." " You wanna see who's too old?" " He's hot." "Mom." "Mom, please stop it." "Whoo!" " You need to slow down." " Slow down." "Whoo!" " Slow down." "It's fine." " Mom." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Robin." "Robin." " Robin, watch..." "Robin, watch out." " Losers!" "Just slow down." "They're behind us." "You can slow down." "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" " Robin, slow down." " Robin." "Robin." "Now I know why dogs do this." " Robin, you're freaking me out." " Mom." "Mom!" "Mom, stop!" "Stop it now!" "Oh, my God." "Oh, it is so beautiful." "I'm calling my mom." " Oh, my God." "I'm gonna throw up." " Look, trees." " Baby, let's go climb the trees." " Stop it." "What are you doing?" "Mom." "Mom, Mom." "Mom, please come pick us up." "We're at the park by the mall." "No, just me and Izzy." "Look, Grace's mom, she's, like, crazy." "She nearly killed us." "We were in a car and she started racing." " I don't know what's going on." " I'm sorry." "I'm really sorry." " What is wrong with your mom?" " She's bipolar." "She's bip..." "She's an official lunatic." "And you let us get in a car with her?" "I tried to talk you out of it, but you would never listen to me." "If you would've told us she was crazy." "No, near the mall." "No, I'm fine." "No, Mom, I just need you to come pick me up." "Mom, no, please, just come pick us up." "Izzy, I'm so sorry to have to put you through this." "Grace, it's me." "I always knew." "I always knew there was something different about your mom." "Go." "Go." "I'll deal with Olivia, okay?" " Mom?" " I'm up here, honey." "How could you do this?" "You lied to me again." "You stopped taking your medication again." " Oh, I have my medicine." " I hate you." "I'm done." "I'm so over it." "I have my medicine." "It's right here." "It's right here." "Oh, here it is." "Here it is." "I feel like I'm going crazy." " What are you doing?" " You want it?" "There's the medicine." "That's why I wanna go as far away as I can." "I can't save you." "I can't watch you go do this over and over and over again." " Oh, no." "No, no..." " It's just..." "I can't." "Every time I think you're going to get better, you don't." " It's too much." " No, wait." "Mommy's coming." "Mommy's coming." "Oh, no, look, they're all over the..." "I'm gonna get them." "I'm gonna get all the pills." "I'm gonna pick them all up." "Every single one." "I'm getting them all picked up, and then..." "And then..." "And then..." "Here, you hold them for me." "You hold them for me, honey." "That's good." "Okay." "I'm gonna get them, and I'm gonna take all my pills." "I'm gonna take them, because I know I'm not a very good mommy." "I wasn't a very, very good mommy at all." "And now I'm gonna be so, so good." "And I'm gonna take them all." "I just..." "Okay." "Therapist to Room 5." "Therapist to Room 5." "Okay." "Best girl ever." "Mommy's best girl." "Hm?" "Maybe I sh..." "I should have just... watched you." "Your meds, it's just..." "My med..." "My meds?" "My meds?" "You watch my meds?" "Why would you watch my...?" "They're my..." "They're my meds, honey." "They're my meds, huh?" "They're Mommy's meds, not baby's meds, okay?" " Yeah." " It's my job." "My responsibility." "Look at me, baby girl." "You don't do nothing wrong." " Robin Joffe?" " Just a minute." "Just a minute, all right?" " Just a minute." "You call Grandma, okay?" " Yeah." "You hear me?" "You call Grandma." "She's gonna take care of you." " Please, Robin." " I am coming." "I am coming." "Sweetie." "Sweetie." " You call Grandma, okay?" " Yeah." "Mm-hm." " You need to call Grandma." " Robin." "She'll look after you, and, oh, really, really, really soon, really soon." " Say goodbye." " I'm coming." "I'm coming." " Come on." " I'm coming." "What's the big deal?" "Here I come." "I'm coming." "Just go talk to her." "You okay?" "No." " I'm sorry." " Don't apologize." "No, honey." "Honey, at home there are five goldfish swimming in the toilet." "Okay, I'm coming." "I'm..." "Here I am." "I'm coming." "I'm coming." "What do you want from me?" "What do you want from me?" "I'm here." "And the reason I chose my mother as the hero of this college essay?" "She faces her battles every day even though she may never win the war." "She's helped me see... that I didn't cause her disease." "I can't control it." "And I can't cure it." "This is my mom." "And that is her story." "And now..." "I'm ready to leave home... and claim my own." "d Look at that girl She's lighting up the world d d She'll be a hallowed ground To earn their love d" "d People wait in line To see the way she shines d d If she wasn't perfect Would it be enough?" "d d Now the sky's on fire d" "Allison." "Allison." " Sorry." "What?" " We have to get your mom something." "She doesn't care about stuff like that." "She's just dying to meet you." "They both are." "In the Midwest, you don't go to a person's house, let alone your girlfriend's parents', without bringing something." "Trust me, they're both gonna love you." "Hey." "Hey." "Stop, stop." "Oh, okay." "If you bring me home in one piece, it'll probably go better." "d Just watch her play the part d" "By the way, we're totally doing it in my old bedroom." "You sure your parents are okay with us sleeping together?" "I don't care." "We're gonna do it right under Hello Kitty." "I want Hello Kitty to see." "Okay." "d I've lived my whole life Walking on the wire d d My heart's on fire d d Suddenly I'm breaking free dd" " Mom, Dad, we're here!" " There's my baby." "Hi, sweetie." " Ha-ha-ha." " Wow, look at you." "I see you've retired the bulky-sweater look." "Mom." "Uh..." " This is Luke." " Luke." "Nice to finally meet you." " So nice to meet you, ma'am." " Ma'am?" " Missus?" " Claire." "I'm surprised you've come to our home for the first time and you didn't bring anything." " She's messing with you." " Ha-ha-ha." "I kept texting her telling her you insisted we bring something." " Where is Daddy?" " He'll be here, a few minutes." "Which reminds me, I should finish dinner, huh?" "Luke, would you take our bags up to my room?" "It's the first one on the left, the one with the Hello Kitty poster." "Allison." "We sleep together." "I'm not gonna be a hypocrite." "No, no, of course not." "I didn't raise you that way." "It's sweet that you care what I think." "Come on." "So, what do you think?" " I think he's really nice." " I know, right?" "And cute too?" "He's adorable." "Oh, honey, hand me the meat thermometer, would you?" "I have not made a roast chicken in I can't remember how long." "This thing does not look done." " This is not..." " Is she here?" "Oh, at 150 at least, don't you think?" "Mom." "When?" "Heh." "Tonight." "Are you freaking kidding me?" "Tonight?" " That's where Daddy is." " Allie, she is so much better." "She's finally on the right combination of meds." "She is seeing a shrink that we adore." "So then why didn't you tell me that she was coming home?" " Because I knew you wouldn't come." " Yeah, but you knew I was bringing Luke." " I'm telling you, Allie, she's healthy." " Really?" "When healthy people come home, you don't usually remove the doors." " Okay, she's better." " Until she's not." " If you'd gone to see her, you'd know." " What am I supposed to tell Luke?" " He doesn't..." " You don't have to tell Luke anything." "We'll just have a nice, stress-free dinner." "This is a huge transition for her, coming home." "Please, just don't stress her out." "I just wanted him to see we could be a normal family for five minutes." "Well, that's about how much time you've got." "Hey." "Hey, so are all the doors in the door shop?" "Because they're all off their hinges." "That's not the only thing that's off its hinges." "Oh, I think I hear Daddy." "Okay, okay, there's no way I'm staying in your room." "There are no doors, except the bathroom, but that doesn't have a knob." "You can't lock it, and there's a hole, so anyone can see inside." "How am I supposed to go to the bathroom?" "Trust me, that is the least of our problems." "It's kind of a big problem for me." "Hey, Allie, my girl." "Oh, how are you, sweetie?" "Daddy, this is Luke." " Hi, Luke." " So nice to meet you, sir." " I've heard a lot about you." " You too." "And this is my sister." "I'm Lucy." "Hi." "Is anybody hungry?" "Is anybody hungry?" "Luke, something wrong with your dinner?" "No, no, no." "No, everything's great." "I will guard the bathroom." "Just eat." "So the doors are off because...?" "Long story short, a few years ago, I locked Allie in her room and tried to strangle her with a nightgown." "I totally get it." "Uh, my brothers and I used to fight all the time." " It's not like your brothers." " You don't know my brothers." "Ha, ha." "So your sister tried to kill you, why?" "The smoke detectors told me to." "Why they didn't just tell you to bake muffins is anybody's guess." "Did the smoke detectors talk to you?" "Yeah, mostly, back then." "Ahem." "Luke, did Allie even tell you that she had a sister?" "Yeah, yeah, but just that you were in law school." "That's it?" "That's all she said?" "Seriously?" "You know what?" "Actually, Allie did tell me one other thing about you." "What?" "Remember that night when you were freaking out about your history exam?" "She told me that she wished that you were there because when she was a kid and was nervous about something, you'd always climb into bed with her until she fell asleep." "Yeah, that was before she became the second coming of the Boston Strangler." " Allie." " So you obviously don't know that I am batshit crazy." " Well, he does now." " You're not batshit crazy." "You were batshit crazy." "Allie, why didn't you tell him?" "Compliments, everybody." "Compliments." "You turn to the person across the table from you and give them a compliment." "Hugh, you start." "Oh, okay." "Luke, that's a heck of a shirt you got on there." "Thank you." "Uh..." "Um, I'm still a little stuck on this whole trying-to-kill-you thing." "Yeah, me too." "I have schizophrenia." "So, um, is that like the one with different personalities and...?" "No, that's multiple personality disorder." "Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder." "It doesn't normally make people violent, but it can impair their thinking, emotions, behavior." "I don't really know what that means either." "Basically, I have hallucinations and sometimes I hear voices that tell me to do things." "And we've learned over the years to separate the real Lucy from who Lucy is when she's ill." " Yeah, because that's so easy." " No, I totally get it." "You what?" "Well, I understand what your mom's saying." "I mean, people can't be blamed for something if they're sick, right?" "Hm?" " Thank you." " So now you're on her side too." "No, no, no, I'm not on anyone's side." " Uh, uh..." " Except for your side." "I'm on your side." "Don't let the sniping fool you." "There's affection there." "I'm sorry." "Are you new here?" "Because my loving sister, well, she tried to kill me." "That was just the illness, right?" "She didn't want you dead." "Dead enough." "How dead do you have to be around here till someone takes your freaking side?" "Let me guess." "This wasn't a typical dinner at your house." "Heh." "You can't even slam a freaking door in this house!" "Look, I was just trying to understand your sister." "Everyone is always trying to understand my sister." "Trust me, no one has come up with anything yet." "I thought you were gonna be the person who'd try to understand me." " Everybody can hear those voices, right?" " Yes, honey." " Just checking." " No doors, people." "You have no idea what it is like growing up in this house." " I'm not saying I do." " Know why that poster is still on the wall?" "Because my life stopped when I was 12 years old and it did not start back up again until a year ago." "Since the first time Lucy got sick, everything has been about her." "Doors!" "You wanna know what's funny?" "It was about her before then too." "She was the smart one." "She was the pretty one." "She was the star of the family." "Apparently, that was not enough for her, because then she got sick." "And she dominated every moment of our lives." " Everything else was just put on hold." " Okay, I can't listen anymore." " I'm going upstairs." " No, Mom." "No, I wanna hear this." " I wanna hear the unvarnished truth." " I like my truth with a little varnish." "Know what it's like to postpone your birthday because your sister sees giant rats running across the floor?" "Or to have your parents so distracted all the time that they can barely get through the day, let alone find the energy to come to your stupid soccer game?" "If Lucy had a bad day my mom wouldn't get out of bed for the next two days or weeks, depending on how bad it was." "I'm really sorry you had to go through all that." " I wish you had told me." " On our first date?" "Or second?" "How about the first time we did it from behind?" " When she says that..." "Just..." " She didn't mean anal." "Should I have told you that day in People's Park... when we saw that woman arguing with a trash can, and you said:" ""I want you to meet my mom"?" "And we laughed, and it was funny, except that could have been my sister." "Yeah, you feel like crap?" "Yeah, well, welcome to my world." "Heh." "Wanna know what real guilt feels like?" "When my sister finally went to the hospital," "I dreaded her coming home." "It was a relief when she was gone, and we..." "We were happy." "We felt like a family again for the first time." " Lucy, that's not true." " It's okay." " Honey." "Honey." " It's okay." "Well... at least the chicken was good." "I'm sorry you had to hear that." "If you were really sorry, you wouldn't have said that in a room that didn't have doors." "Look, I didn't mean to be cruel." "Yes, you did, Allie." "You've wanted to tell me that for a really long time." "Do you realize that you're furious at me for being sick?" "I mean, I guess I shouldn't be surprised." "It's a very common theme in group." "See?" "Anything I feel is invalid because you are the sick one." "Nobody ever seems to remember that when my sister who I idolized, by the way, was supposed to just be laying with me in bed, was instead using my nightgown to strangle me." " You have to stop taking that personally." " Oh, my God." "That is absurd." "All I could think was:" ""This isn't happening." "My sister loves me." "And what the hell is Hello Kitty smiling at?"" " Is that why you never came to see me?" " No." " That place freaked me out." " Of course it freaks you out." " It freaks everybody out." "It's a loony bin." " Well, it scares me to see you like that." "Allie, I need a sister that's gonna be there." "I need to know you're not just an illusion in my head." "I need to know your voice is really happening." " I'm afraid." " You need to stop being afraid of me." "Lucy, I'm not afraid of you." "I'm afraid of becoming you." "Bread pudding, everyone." "There was that warm Columbus Day weekend when Dad was barbecuing his special wings, when that woman called." "She said there was something very wrong with you and that they'd taken you from your dorm in restraints." "I'd seen you the week before." "We'd taken you out in Westwood for your birthday." "You were 19, the same age I am now." "You know how you told Luke that I was always the prettier one and the smarter one and the star of the family?" "Well, you forgot that I have better boobs too." "Um, you do not have better boobs." "Uh, mmm..." "All right, fine, the boobs are a toss-up." "Um..." "But you're right about the other stuff." "I am prettier than you." "And I am smarter than you." "And humbler, apparently." "But guess what, Allie." "What?" "I'll always be crazier than you too." "d Look at that girl She's lighting up the world d d She'll be a hallowed ground To earn their love d" "d People wait in line To see the way she shines d d If she wasn't perfect Would it be enough?" "d d Now the sky's on fire d d I've lived my whole life Walking on a wire d d My heart's on fire dd" "I've been married for 10 years, 10 years, and consecutively, with the same woman." "Wow." "I know. it's..." "You know, it's..." "Let me tell you." "And so now, now sex is like bowling." "It's just like bowling." "Because afterwards, you're like, "That was fun." "That was great." " We should do that more often." Ha-ha-ha." "My wife is amazing, and I love this woman to death." "But like most women, she loves to talk about her feelings." " Know what I'm talking about?" " Oh, yes." " Do you like to talk about your feelings?" " Absolutely." "Of course." "It's like asking a klepto if they want a handbag." "Yes, you'd love it." "So any time you're talking about feelings, all he's thinking about is bowling." "We love you, Eddie." " Eddie!" " Awesome." " Eddie!" " Awesome." "Have this." "You want more?" "More?" "Good boy." "Okay." " Hi, bobo." " Hey, babe." "Hey, buddy, buddy." " You're late." "Did you do two sets?" " No." "Um..." "I, um..." " Mmm." " Heh." "I, um..." "I just ended up staying and talking to some of the guys." "You must be starving." "You want the rest of my sandwich, babe?" "Let's get up early and go to the farmers market." "We'll get some kettle corn." "Twister can go with us." " Yeah." "Whatever." " Good." "Because this sleeping in all day till you go to work at night is not gonna fly on my day off." " Okay?" " Look, can I just sleep right now?" "Honey?" "What?" "You okay?" "I'm..." "Yeah." "I'm tired." "Okay." "Handcuffs might seem like overkill, but they're going on." "They're going on, okay?" "You have the right to remain..." " This is a stupid law." " Ha-ha-ha." "Hey, Twister." "Eddie?" "Daddy didn't let you out, huh?" "Good boy." "I am sure..." "Ed." "Jeez, it's almost 2:00." "Are you kidding me?" "You didn't feed Twister." "You didn't let him out." "Peed all over the floor." " What time is it?" " It's almost 2." "I don't care if you don't wanna eat, but the dog's gotta eat." " Wow." "Okay." " All right, get up." "Take a shower." "They're gonna be here soon." "You need to clean the grill." "Why can't we just stay in, just the two of us, and just not do that?" "You mean like when I'm up and I am doing things, and you're asleep?" "Let's save that for another afternoon." "Get up." "The joke's on you." "I'm not a ventriloquist dummy." " That's all right." " It's all right." "It's all right." " You could use that in your act." " I could." "You want cheese?" " Cheeseburger." "Cheeseburger." " It's funny." "Can I do it?" "Do you mind if I...?" "I just don't need everybody touching my cheese." "Just..." "No." "This will be mine." " I'll have cheese." "No cheese for this guy." " I can't have dairy." "I'm taking this cooking class where we're learning how to make a curry carrot corn queso." "It's like a dip." "It's for Christmas and couples, or you can put it on salad." " Was it sponsored by the letter C?" " Ha-ha-ha." " I am so glad that you guys are here." " Well, thank you for inviting us." "We miss you." "Yeah, well, Eddie's been out on the road, you know." " Eddie's been on the road?" " Yeah." "So the midget says, "Hey, that's why I became a taxidermist." Ha-ha-ha." " Hey." " You can't say that anymore." "Whatever. "Munchkin." It's a good joke." "It's a good joke." "It's a good joke." " What?" "What?" " I keep missing things." " I'm actually working on that..." " Whoa, whoa, whoa." " Hey." " I got it." "Under control." "Under control." "Where is he going?" "Hey, you guys know the one about the Wisconsin farmer" " and the burnt barn?" " I'm sure you're gonna tell us." " What's going on?" " Nothing." "We've been through this before." "It's gonna be fine." " Is everybody gone?" " Yeah, they're gone." " I'm really sorry." " You gotta talk to me." " What does Dr. Beckett say?" " He says I'm hilarious." "Thursdays at 4, highlight of his week." "He should be paying me." " Okay, I..." " I..." "Just please." "Please, just..." "I didn't know that he had stopped coming to see you." "I'm really scared, and I'm really confused because Eddie has so much going for him." " He's so loved." " Julia, depression is not circumstantial." "It's got nothing to do with what you did or you didn't do." "Eddie is not choosing to feel this way." "I know." "I know." "And she could reach around a wall and smack you in the head before you..." "And the arm would..." "All you'd hear is this:" "Ernest Hemingway blew his head off with a shotgun." "Click, bang." "Thank you." "Can we get the check?" "His wife, Mary, said he was simply cleaning the gun." "And I think that's some housekeeping gone awry." "Hey, how are you?" " Haven't seen you here in a while." " Yeah." "Had he hung himself, would it have been that he was just cleaning the rope?" " How's he doing?" " Fine." "He's always doing fine." "You won the Pulitzer Prize in fiction, the Nobel Prize for literature." "That's a lot of pressure on a little suicide note that you know everybody's gonna read." "It's just so dark." "Doesn't even sound like him." "But dark is good." "Dark's like the new black." "Look at Louis CK." "Got his own show." "He's dark." "If I was gonna kill myself, I know exactly what I'd do." "I would, uh..." "I'd kill myself with kindness." "Take a handful of pills, hop in bed." "Maybe some Enya." "In some countries..." "Get this." "In some countries, it's illegal to commit suicide." "It's against the law for you to kill yourself." "Okay?" "Are you with me here?" "Sir, I want you to focus, okay?" "I realize you're dead." "Step out of the vehicle and put your hands behind your back." "If you wanna play tough guy, we've got all night, all right?" "Handcuffs seem like overkill, but I have to arrest you." "You have the right to remain..." "Bad law." " Hello?" " Hey, Chelsea." "It's me, Julia." " I've been trying to call Eddie." " Oh." "Um..." "He was here a couple of minutes ago, but I know he's going on soon." " I was just wondering, is he okay?" " Yeah, he seemed fine." " Tell him to call me after." " Okay." "All right." "Y'all having fun?" "Good." "Good." "I'm glad." "Well, our next performer is Eddie Tennenbaum, and, uh..." " Whoo!" " Yeah." "Yes, we all love him." "No, he's not..." "Okay..." "He's not here, though." "I'm sorry." "He's not here." " But he is..." " Come on, Eddie." "I don't know where he is." "We can't find him." "Which is fine." "I'm sure he'll be here any second." "In the meantime, I can tap-dance or something." "In the meantime, I can tap-dance or something." "Eddie?" "Are we back there, Eddie?" "Anywhere?" "Come on, sweetie." "Let's go outside." "Come on." "Come." "Mama!" " Mama!" " Baby." "Oh..." " God, you're big." " Ha-ha-ha." "I missed you so much." " Welcome home, soldier." "Ha-ha-ha." " Hi, Daddy." "Come on." "God." "You know Mama love you, right?" "Well, promise me you'll never go away again." "Mama's not going anywhere." "I'm gonna stay right here with you." "Hey, is that a big-boy tooth I see in there?" "I twisted it 134 times, and then it came out during all-school assembly." "Oh." "Hm." " What did the tooth fairy bring you?" " A bow and arrow, a new pair of Converse, $1.50 and a Monster Flashlight." " All under your pillow?" " Well, I got the best tooth fairy in town." "Sounds like it." "Pour your own." "How did you get all that stuff under his pillow?" "Well, I picked up a few tricks from the other moms." "And then you tripled them." "Well, yeah, I guess I was overdoing it a bit." "I wanna do something fun." "I'm gonna take Quinn out of school tomorrow." "Douglas Park." "We ain't been there in years." "Uh..." "Yeah, about tomorrow..." "Um..." "My man died." "Leonard died." " This past Monday we lost him." " What are you talking about?" "You were in transit." "I had no way of contacting you." " When I left, he was in the hospital." " I know." "Leonard died?" "His funeral is tomorrow." "I thought he was gonna make it." "Come on." "Yeah, I don't feel right." "I can't." "You're getting out of this car, and you're gonna pay your respects to his family." " I can't." "I'm gonna stay here." " He was your commanding officer." "He was our country's hero." "He was like a son to me." "You owe it to all of us." "You got five minutes to get your act together and get out of this car." "You hear me, sergeant?" "Left, right, face." "Forward." "Your brother was a good man." "Yes, he was." "She won't get out of the car." "Oh..." "Hey." "Welcome home, Maggie." "You know, I think it'll make you feel better to be with everyone." "We all miss him." "That led was not your fault." "And it's also not your fault that you survived and he didn't." "Get out of the car." " Get out of the car." "Get out of the car." " No." "No." "No." "When we got back from Nam, we had a hard time too, but we got over it." "Out." " Take her home, Percy." " Come on, baby." "It's okay, baby." "It's all right." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Why don't you, uh...?" "Why don't you lose that shirt?" "Come on." " Unh." " Drop that belt." "Take your clothes off." "Come on." "Come on." "There's no one up here." "Take your shirt off." "Come on." "Come on, take it off." "What are you scared of?" "You scared of me?" " Just let me go." " It's me." "Leonard." " Don't touch me." " Let's have some fun." "Wanna have some fun?" "Wanna be safe out there?" " I won't say nothing." " Strip down for your commanding officer!" "I don't like this." "Get away!" "Wake up." "You're having a bad dream." "You're having a bad dream." "Wake up." " Get away." "Get away from me!" " What are you doing?" " Maggie, stop." " Get off of me!" "I hate you!" " Help me!" "Help me." " Shut up." "Shut up." "Get off me." "Get off of me." "Get off." "Get away from me, Leonard." "Don't touch..." "Get away from me!" "Stay away!" "Quinn, go to your room and lock your door." "Go on, son." " I hate you, Leonard!" " Maggie." "Don't touch me!" "I hate you!" " 911." "What's your emergency?" " My name is Quinn." " Something bad is happening." " Maggie, it's your dad." "I'm not hearing this." "This cannot be happening again." "This voice I keep hearing..." "No." "This is not happening again." "Please..." "This doesn't make sense to me." "Please..." "Mom." "You're such a nut." "What do you think I have on?" "No, I have a skirt and a shirt on." "It's not too short." "Ahem." "Okay, you're not helping, really, with my nerves here, so I gotta go." "Goddamn it." "Hi, I'm Lucy Miller." "Um..." "You must be Maggie." "I'll be representing you." "I brought warm, comforting beverages." "Or what's left of them." "The rest is on my new white shirt that I wore to impress you." "Uh, can we sit?" "Great." "Oh." "Sorry about your chips." "Um..." "Look, uh, yours is not a hopeless case." "Seems pretty hopeless to me." "Hm." "I can see that." "I'm not saying it's going to be easy." "They do have your son's voice on the 911 call." "I don't even know what happened to me." "I didn't mean to scare him." "I didn't mean for any of this to happen." "You know, um, I'm scared too." "You're scared?" "This is my first day in the field." "That's comforting." "I volunteered." "I specifically wanted your case." "A charity case." "Because I think I can help you." "You know, that's not gonna get your son back." "Quinn?" "Is that his name?" "It's not gonna get him back." "And if you keep that up, you're gonna have two problems instead of one." "You know what he told me?" "He told me, "I want my mama back."" "I want..." "I want my son back." "Well, um, Child Services won't let you live with Quinn again until you get treatment." "And to get treatment, I need to prove PTSD." " Post-traumatic stress..." " This is not combat-related." "Hell, I got both my arms." "I didn't get my legs blown off." "I'm not in no damn wheelchair." "I know." "PTSD from military sexual trauma is just as real." "Yeah, I know." "And it makes the military look bad." "What makes the military look bad is your senior officer raping you over and over again." "I don't want people looking at me like I'm crazy." " Do you understand that?" " Yeah." "I think I have some insight into that." "So you think you've seen what I've seen?" "No, but I've seen some pretty bad stuff." "I have seen thousands of spiders running up my best friend's face." "You wacked." "Yeah." "It's called schizophrenia." "So they sent me somebody crazier than I am." "Maybe." "But I'm gonna be honest with you." "I used to deny that I was sick." "I would go off my meds, not work my program, try and white-knuckle it." "And I thought I was gonna spend the best years of my life in a psych hospital." "But I committed myself to recovery." "And, no, I don't always like going to group." "And I hate that I have to check in with my psychiatrist all the time." "And I certainly don't like the side effects of the meds." "But it works." "And it is so worth it." "I passed the bar, for God's sakes." "I'm living proof." "Of what?" "That there is hope." "I forgot to tell you you were getting a visitor." "Hi, baby." "Hey." "I'm gonna be okay." "The nice lady back there, she's gonna help me get better." "Get your mommy back." "You'll get Mommy back." "Be sure and put this in your pocket and save it for later, okay?" "Okay?" "Where's your social worker?" "She didn't bring me." "When your mother died," "I promised her that I was gonna take care of you." " You did." " No." "No, baby, I didn't." "I let Leonard into your life." "Dad, it's not your fault." "Baby... if he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him myself." "I know." "I'm so sorry, baby." "Sorry." "I'm sorry." " I know." " My little girl." "I love you, baby." "I love you so much." "Your Honor, those with mental illness fight battles every day." "There are victims of war whose scars you can't see." "Maggie's illness is not something that she brought upon herself." "She lives with post-traumatic stress condition as a result of military sexual trauma." "She was raped repeatedly." "She has a mental illness." "But that does not make her a bad person, and that does not make her a bad mother." "Your Honor, it is hard enough to get well." "But it is nearly impossible to get well alone." "Maggie needs her family." "She needs her son back." "And she needs you to believe in her." "And then who knows who she might be able to help?" "Thank you." "d We're ships passing in the night d d Into a pink and amber sky d" "d I have seen it in a dream d d That I had of you and I d" "d I asked You said that you agree d d A captain cannot Sail the seas alone d"