"Imagine you're holding the mic with both hands." "Bend your knees." "Both knees." "That's good." "Imagine there's a desert over there." "Sing into the horizon." "BRONSON CLUB PRESENTS" " It starts in the heart." "Rock 'n' roll." "Rule number one:" "Don't think." "Go with the flow." "I'm starving." "Do we have food?" "Huh?" "A FILM BY SAMULI VALKAMA" "Next up is contestant number four:" "Ville Hietalahti." "Ville, how old are you?" "Nine" "What is it like to be Taisto's son?" "I don't really think about it." "I'm just me." "I'm sure your friends at school know who your dad is, - so do they come and ask how he's doing?" "Do they ask for your dad's autograph?" "Dad's new record is now available wherever fine music is sold." "Uh-huh..." "That's cool." "And it'll be cool when you sing - the next song, which we all know so well." "Ville Hietalahti and 'Where Have All the Wild Horses Gone?" "'" "Where have all the wild horses gone?" "Where is the gypsy woman who danced and sang?" "Freedom can even bewitch one who rules a vast empire" "Where is the gypsy who played guitar at the campfire?" "Where is the gypsy woman..." "LOVE AND OTHER TROUBLES" "Good job." "I haven't started yet." "Oh." "What's on your mind?" "You know what?" "You need a woman." "Excuse me?" " You have that longing look on your face." "It's been a while since the last time." " What?" "Oh, nothing" " Hi!" "Ville." " Yeah?" "Your dad..." "Taisto..." "Tell him Leena said "hi.'" "You know how much I love his music." "Mom, let's go." " Yeah yeah." "I recommend you start taking it really easy now." "Try not to get too excited or overly depressed about anything." "You want to be like jimi Hendrix or Burt Bacharach?" "It's not..." "What?" "Dad." "You have some sort of a plan?" "You're here now." "I mean - what are you doing here?" "Don't be so analytical." "Live in the moment for once and let fate guide you - and see what happens." "Can you wash these?" "You can have it." " Thanks." "Gotta respect a guy who makes a movie with a monkey- and then becomes the president." "The man was right:" "A great man." "I'll always have this with me." "Bedtime for Bonzo." " What?" "That's the name of the movie where he plays with the monkey." "He made it after he said no to Casablanca." "Vimonos." "Put a suit on and we'll hit the bar." "I was thinking of staying in." "Reading a book or watching a film." "Let's wrestle!" "Could you get up?" " This isn't fun if you don't make an effort." "Get up." " Ville." "When I cast off my mortal coil, promise me - that you'll throw my ashes to the winds." "Ooh, Taisto." "No coffin." "No monuments or statues." " I don't think you have to worry about that." "Promise me you'll throw my ashes to the winds." " Okay." "Want to go out for a drink?" "Next up is contestant number four..." "How's it going?" " Great." "VILLE HIETALAHTI, 9 YEARS OLD" "Now that you've drenched your throats, - it's time to sing some more." "Next we'll travel to France." "Ville?" "Next up is number 42." "Number 42." "Ma'am, don't be afraid." "This is it All or nothing." "All pressure is on one man." "And he fails." "The Finn fails, even though his style is alright" "However, it fails in practice..." "Ville." "Ville." "Reagan." "Hey." " Hi." "Are you awake?" " Yeah." "Err." "Could I borrow your bed?" " What?" "You see, I got this thing going on." " Uh-huh." "So would it be okay if I put this blanket over you?" " What?" "So that I wouldn't have to go into lengthy explanations - about who the gloomy-looking guy on the couch is." "Whoops!" "Wait." "Put your head on the pillow." "It's late." "She wanted to see my snake The snake was no fake" "Thanks." "Community center!" "Dad." "Are you awake?" "Right." "How did you know?" " What?" "That I couldn't play my guitar" " You couldn't play it?" "It's not that uncommon." "At your age." "I have nothing to offer anyone." "Maybe not to her, but to someone else for sure." "I'm useless as a human being." " C'mon." "Take one of those blue pills next time." "When you're with someone else." " They're for old people." "But you are old." " What?" " Nothing." "Would you like to have...?" "Hot chocolate, maybe?" "This is hot." " Wait for it to cool down." "It happened once before." "No need to share details." " Roskilde 1983." "Your mother and I..." "We had a tent on a hill and the sun was setting." "Danish people." "You know what?" " I don't know much." "I know what this is about." " What?" "I'm in love." " No, you're not." "I think I am." "She left before I woke up" "I have to see her." " She left the country." "Let's wrestle." "It'll clear up your thinking." "Phone." " Why?" " Give me your phone." "Six phone calls." " What?" "People are six phone calls away from each other." " Right." "Hi." " Hello?" " Hello?" "Hola." " Ciao." "How do I look?" "GiddyllP!" "Adiés amigo!" "Dad!" "I'd like to come with you." " Sure." "Let's go." "Me!" "Thank you!" "Ville." " Yeah?" "You see that woman over there?" "I need to go, - so could you make a cloud of dust to cover me?" "Ville." "Hi." "Did [just see your dad here?" " He went over there." "He said he was looking for you." " Really?" "Thanks!" "Taisto!" "You're up next." "Excuse me, I think he's moving forward!" "Excuse me?" "Ville." "Ville." "What?" " It's me." "Uh-huh." " Guess who it is?" "I have no clue." "C'mon, tell me." " Ronald Reagan." "Right." " Hey, I'm a former president of the United States." "Show some respect" "You speak Finnish." " I haven 't had much to do lately." "What do you want?" " Nothing special." "It's been a little lonely." " Lonely?" "Is that it?" " What would you like to hear then?" "Some words of wisdom, for example." "I got one: eat more cupcakes." " Uh-huh." "Listen, people." "Now!" "Let's go." "Quick." "I'm in a bit of a hurry." "That lady..." "She's unbelievably persistent." "What's wrong with you?" " Nothing." "Ville." "Looks like you're not firing on all cylinders." "You can't ride your bike home like this." "Hop in." "Your car is a two-seater." "Damn it." "You're right." "You like cupcakes?" "You want to get out?" "No, I'm good." " Okay." "Hi!" "Ville!" "I was depressed, so I thought I'd have a little fun." "Seriously?" " What the hell?" "What do I see?" " What?" "An expression of emotion." " I don't want to have this party." "Fine, okay." "The party's over!" "I've got a surprise." " I don't want surprises." "Come on." "Look who came for a visit." "Eikka!" " Hi!" "Skidi!" " My godson!" "Hi!" "You've put on some bulk." " How did that happen?" "Get your ass down here." "What's up?" " what did you just play?" "The usual stuff." "Listen!" "Bono singing!" "Skidi, let's play." "Hey." "I'm not gonna play because I always lose." " C'mon." "If the kid wants to play, let him play." " Yeah." "Okay." " And he arrives in Tangiers." "Right." "Pay me." "Give me the cash." "That was my unemployment benefits." " Thank you." "I don't get this game." " But you won." "No, I didn't." "He won." " But he didn't get that far." "That's the goal." "Tangiers means 'goal" in Swedish." "Come in." "Give her flowers or something." " What?" "I'm pretty good at these complicated love stories." "What's the challenge in yours?" "My dad's also in love with her." "Well, that makes it a whole other story." "A"Ythillg else?" "It's been a long time since I..." "You can't do her right away!" " You can't talk like that!" "It's like riding a bike." "Once you know how, you never forget." "Seriously." "What do you know about it?" "Everything" "Where are you going?" "Taking out the trash." " Can I come with you?" "What?" "12-PAGE EXTRA DRIVE HER CRAZY WITH DESIRE!" "TIP No. 1 NIBBLE ON HER EAR" "TIP No. 2 LET HER SUCK YOUR FINGER" "TIP No. 3 GRAB HER HAIR GENTLY" "Have you noticed that Reagan looks like a testicle?" "You're right." "What?" "Where is the washing machine?" "You know how much these cost?" ""Congratulations!" "Start here.'" ""With the Alphabeta language course you'll learn English the easy way.'" "You still have a crush on the American girl?" "I think I'm going to invest in this." "A donut?" "You never eat stuff like that." "It makes me feel so good." "Right." "Side and back." "Side and together." "Skip." "Skip." "Skip." "Skip." "That's retarded." " No, it's great." "You're so in love that you think everything is great." "Have you told your dad?" "This is the first time I've really bonded with him." "My mom would be happy if he forgot about that woman." "Did you know she signed me up because you're Taisto's son?" "Where is Taisto?" " I don't know." "He must be at home." "Tell him I said hi, okay?" " Sure." "Hi." "HAD To Go." "SEE YOU IN THE WINTER." "THERE ARE HOT DOGS IN THE FRIDGE." "Hi." "I was in that closet." "You were in that closet?" " Yeah." "You want to go to the bar?" "I figured we could - stay home and watch a film or something." "Just one drink." "One more." "Ville." "You think I'm fat?" " What?" "I have a double chin." " No, you don't." "I think I should lose five pounds." "It's like " "I'm not myself physically." " What do you mean?" "I haven't been with the ladies - since that day..." "Four days ago?" " Four days." "You're not fat." "You look good." " I do?" "Yeah." "You just have to go back there." "Yeah?" " Yup." "Go woo the chicks." "Yeah?" "You have to remind people you had - a hit in the Bulgarian charts in 1988." "You're an opportunist." "You act first and never think." " That's me?" "Yeah." " That's me?" "Skate hard and hit anything that gets in the way - and then see what happens." "Villeeeeh!" " Dad." "Dad." "Hey, where are you going?" "Dad!" "I need to tell you something!" "Something happened." "Hey!" "Ville." "Ville." "You know, - it means a lot to me - you're here to offer your support" "()kiY" "Are you drunk too?" " A little." "Ville, please take care of the lights" "I'll take care of business." "Yeah." "Stop. just when I'm..." " What?" "Yeah, yeah." "VILLE HIETALAHTI, 9 YEARS OLD" "Get up." " No." "My life is over." " No, it isn't." "I'm waiting for a truck." "Trucks don't drive here." " There will be one." "There's no meaning." " Get up." "Why doesn't anyone take me seriously?" " I do." "You can't take me seriously." "No, no." "Get up." " No." "Get up." "Okay, fine." "What are you doing?" " I'm waiting for a truck." "You have Leena's number?" "Taisto..." "That look on your face is so 1993" " What?" "1993." "You had the same look after the singing contest." " No, I didn't." "You did." " I didn't." "I thought it would be best to leave you alone." " Great." ""Leave him alone."" "I meant, what if I didn't leave you alone this time?" "What is it?" "Nothing." " Tell me." "No, I won't." " Tell me." " No, I won't." "You will tell me." "Because I have..." "the tickling device." "No devices now." " The tickling device is coming." "No, it's not." " Here it comes..." "Stop." " Tell me." "I'll stop when you tell me." "I'm eating." "Stop!" " Tell me!" "Will you tell me?" " No." "Will you tell me?" " Okay, I will." "()kiY" "I... had... with..." "You had a relationship with Sara?" "Why didn't you tell me?" " You're not angry?" "Are you in love?" "What are you doing here then?" "You should be with her." "I don't know..." " What?" "It's so complicated." "She's going back." "What would I do in America?" "Are you asking me what you would do in America?" " Yes." "Now we'll wrestle." " Why?" "If I win, you'll run straight to her." "You'll look straight into her heart and say:" "I'm here." "I'm yours if you still want me." "What if I win?" "Okay." "Bring it on." "Stop." "Stop." "Stop." " This is fuckin' great!" "Dad?" "Dad." "Hi." "Unhealthy lifestyle, poor physical condition." "The superflu epidemic and - physical stress." "His heart failed." "Did you know that - last year 791 people were killed by toasters - while only nine people were killed by sharks?" "Toasters?" "Death is unpredictable." "My condolences." "Give me the papers, please." "Has Taisto's widow dyed her hair?" "She looks different." "Or has she put on bulk?" "No, she's a new acquisition." "We've booked the church and the reception venue." "Let's talk about the grave." "He should be cremated." " Oh no." "A great man like him needs a grave." "I have a grave in a good spot." " He wanted to be cremated." "I promised him that." "Don't be so selfish." "Taisto was a traditional Finnish man." "He deserves a traditional funeral and not the latest trends." "Dad said..." " He'd be alive if he hadn't wrestled with you." "I didn't know he was sick." "Okay, we've decided on the grave." "Let's talk about music." "The jump wasn't that long, but the style points look good." "They range from 18.5 to 19." "His total score might still get him into the top ten." "He can be happy about it, - since the style and the length of his last jump - weren't top class." "In the second round..." "Ville." "Ville." "What?" "Is everything 0/I4)'-7" "What?" "Howie it going?" "What's on your mind?" " I've been wondering." "Bedtime for Bonzo." "Was it worth doing?" " That's it?" "I had to choose between Bonzo and Casablanca." "I wonder if I should've asked myself once more - whether!" "wanted to ad with a chimpanzee or Ingrid Bergman." "You mean you should've weighed more options?" "Who are you talking to?" "ls Taisto's ghost here?" "No, it's Reagan's ghost." " Right." "Hi." "Ville." "It's been a long time." "You?" " Yeah, me." "How are you?" " Well..." "How old are you..." "Listen." "Great acoustics." "We could sing here." "How are you feeling?" " Well..." "My condolences." "Thanks." "I would like to say a few words - in honor of Taisto Hietalahti, a man we all admired." "Taisto was..." " Excuse me." "I want to say a couple of things." " Ville, we're at a funeral." "Only the priest talks." "I want to say a few words." "Go." "Shoo." "Dad." "Dad is dead." "He kicked the bucket." "He gave up the ghost, conked out and croaked." "He cashed in and has gone to the happy hunting grounds." "He is being reformatted by God." " Ville!" "Get over here." "You're disgracing yourself and your father's memory." "Dad was like a big, self-centered child." "When I was nine, - he entered me into the kids' singing contest- to get publicity for his new record." "He would change his mind like the wind." "He'd go to the store and disappear for days" "Then he'd come back without warning." "Usually at the wrong time." "Just like now." "He came back and left." "At the wrong time." "But still, despite all that, " "Dad, this song is for you." "Where have all the wild horses gone?" "Where is the gypsy woman who danced and sang?" "Freedom can bewitch even one who rules a vast empire" "Where is the gypsy who played guitar at the campfire?" "Don't run from freedom, its charm black as coal" "The northern lights of fall will tell you the same thing" "Don't take the life of the angel is soul" "Don't plunge a cruel knife into a heart that's beating" "Dad, I want to grant you your last wish." "Let's go." "What?" " JP!" "Excuse me!" "What?" " Stop." "Let us go." " No." "Unless you take me with you." "I want to be with Taisto till the end." "Taisto." "Take me with you." "Don't leave me alone." "A little help, please." "Slop!" "Oh, you're quite strong" "Translated by Aretta Vihili Proofread by Rich Lyons"