"The Seven Wonders of the World..." "Christ the Redeemer..." "The Taj Mahal..." "The Great Pyramids... truly man's greatest achievements." "But there's one man who sees them differently." "Like a pylon." "[ Laughing ]" "Karl Pilkington." "[ Laughs ]" "I don't know the politically correct term." ""Moron," I think." "He is a round, empty-headed, chimp-like, manc moron." "Buffoon, idiot." "Is that normal?" "And he's a friend." "He's a typical little Englander, and he doesn't like going out of his comfort zone." "My bollocks are squashed." "I just think that it would be amazing to send him around the world." "What we'd like to see is him experience other cultures, other peoples, and see if in any way, we can change his outlook on the world." "I've been to many exotic places." "I genuinely think travel broadens the mind." "I want him to hate it." "I want him to hate every minute of it for my own amusement." "Nothing is funnier than Karl in a corner being poked by a stick." "I am that stick." "And now I have the might of Sky behind me." "This is one of the funniest, most expensive practical jokes" "I've ever done, and it's gonna be great." "Just let me go!" "No." "Jesus Christ." "Now, this, you must be excited about seeing, surely." "This truly, without question, is one of the seven wonders of the world... the extraordinary Taj Mahal." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Built in the 17th century." "If that were happening now, you'd go, "What are they doing?"" "It's the 17th century!" "A man who builds a mausoleum for his dead wife, so heartbroken is he." "Guilty." "He obviously did something bad when she was alive." "That's like, you know, giving someone flowers, isn't it?" "I've never had to do that." "I've never felt guilty." "You've never thought, "I'll just give Suzanne some flowers"?" "No, 'cause she'd be going, "Well, all right, what's been going on?"" "If I built her that, she'd be going, "What's been going on?"" "[ Laughing ]" "Why did he feel he had to do that?" "Because he loved her so much." "It was a shrine to her memory." "Yeah." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "[ Bell dings, horn honks ]" "Pilkington:" "Just a little elephant going down the street there." "I can't imagine them being that good as a way of getting about." "To me, that's like how people moan in London about people having 4x4s." "You don't need an animal of that size to get about." "It's way too big." "Getting ill is me biggest worry about being here." "I hate being ill." "You know, Suzanne isn't around." "I'm on me own." "If I get ill, I'll just have to mope about on me own." "Oh, it's definitely the poorest place I've ever been to, you know, without a doubt." "I don't know if I'll be able to get used to that." "Runaway horse." "Stew me head in this." "I mean, I'm meant to be meeting a local fellow who rides one of these rickshaw things for a living, and Rick and Steve thought it'd be a good idea for some reason." "I can't work out what reason it is, though." "This is madness." "It's like standing in the middle of a motorway." "I mean, what a place to meet a fellow who's got a rickshaw." "Me eyes have never been so busy." "There's always something there going, "Look at me!"" "And then you go, "Look at that," and as you turn that way, you see something over there, so you're like that." "By the end of today, me neck will be well and truly worn out, 'cause it doesn't normally move that fast." "There's layers of madness." "I mean, what is that?" "Where is he taking that?" "You can't say he's taking it to the tip 'cause his shit everywhere." "They just overload the bikes so much that you just kind of think..." ""Get a van."" "Is there any distinguishing features in this fellow's rickshaw?" "Aashiq?" "Yeah, yeah." "Do you?" "Okay." "It's a bit of a mad place to sit and have a discussion." "Yeah, yeah." "Oncoming traffic." "Ohh." "Aah." "What the fucking hell is going on?" "Look at this bus up me ass here." "Ohh." "Man:" "That's good." "Like that." "This is no way of getting around." "Aah." "[ Horn honks ]" "We're going through someone's cricket game." "How long have I been here?" "I haven't even been in a full day yet." "I thought the day was going to end with, you know..." "At least have a good night's kip." "That's not going to happen now." "Aashiq's just invited me to stay with him." "He lives in the back of a shop." "Pilkington:" "You got a shop." "You live in it, as well?" "Aashiq:" "Yeah." "The rickshaw." "Yeah." "Hiya." "This is Punjab." "Cousin, eh?" "Um..." "I'll just sit down there, if that's all right." "So, how would you sleep here?" "Yeah." "What, just flat out there?" "Yeah." "Tonight, how many will be sleeping here?" "Can you understand why this is a little bit of a shock to me?" "When I found out that he ran a shop from where he lived," "I kind of thought it'd be, you know, how you see chippers, and they've sort of got a living room in the back." "And when you walk in, the bell goes, and they run out from watching "Emmerdale Farm" or whatever and they say, "What do you want?"" ""I'll have cod and chips."" "That's what I was expecting." "Not sort of a..." "I mean, what is this?" "It isn't a living space, is it?" "Man:" "What's it lacking?" "What's it lacking?" "I mean, there isn't even a toilet." "Actually, that's just only just hit me." "I was worrying about having to use a traditional toilet." "There isn't one, so that's that worry gone." "But, then, what do we do?" "[ Horns honking ]" "Okay?" "So we're not staying here tonight?" "No, no, no." "[ Laughs ]" "What makes you think I would be happier in this other place?" "Have they got a toilet?" "Yeah." "Let's go, then." "Yeah, let's go." "Good." "You've sold it to me." "This is more like it." "This will do." "Toilet." "Brilliant." "Well, how do you go?" "I don't understand the..." "Go, go, go." "Turn, turn." "Hold on a minute." "I'm just getting me balance." "Yeah." "No paper?" "I don't think I'll be able to go like this." "Me body's just not used to this." "I know, but do you understand how difficult it is for me?" "I've come from London." "Yeah." "Less than 24 hours ago," "I was sat in one, newspaper..." "quite happy." "Not even 24 hours ago." "And now you're saying, "Come in here, give it that, you'll be all right."" "It's not as easy as that for me." "My insides won't allow it to happen." "It can't possibly be better." "Splash back." "I didn't want to get into detail." "No, no, no." "[ Chuckles ] Well, you'll see tomorrow." "'Cause I'll tell you what, I'm getting first dibs on this." "And you'll see tomorrow if it's better when you come in here and you'll go, "Good God, who's been in here?"" "Let's see how good it is." "[ Laughs ]" "You're laughing because you know I'm right." "Right." "Hopefully, I won't need to go." "Pilkington:" "Well, I didn't sleep well last night, did I?" "I'm still shattered from yesterday." "I mean, that was a mental first day." "It doesn't look like it's gonna end, either." "I mean, Aashiq's just given me some pajamas to wear." "He said, "Oh, you'll be needing these for your next surprise."" "I don't know what it is." "You know, I mean, surprises are meant to be nice things, aren't they?" "Man:" "What's up, Karl?" "[ Horn honks ]" "I just got a text from Steve." ""Hi, Karl." "India's not all poverty and urban chaos, mate."" "Well, obviously he hasn't been here, 'cause it is." "So, straightaway, that's annoyed me." ""Time to get your ass up north" ""for some exposure to the spiritual side of India." ""The biggest religious festival on the planet." "Only 20 million pilgrims expected."" "He knows I hate crowds." ""Just one hurdle..." "To get there, it's an eight-hour overnight bus ride."" "Excuse me." "What's all this?" "Why are they covered in..." "Yes, yes, yes!" "Holi day!" "I want to go to the bus station now." "Bus station?" "You know, the big bus?" "Big..." "[ Imitates horn honking ]" "[ Indistinct shouting ]" "[ Horn honks ]" "I don't know what's going on." "Just everybody just looks like they're painter and decorators." "Everyone is just caked in colors." "Man:" "Happy holi!" "[ Indistinct shouting ]" "I just hope we don't stop at any more traffic lights 'cause every time we stop, someone slaps me face with a load of color." "Uh, the bus is coming up." "Buses." "Is this the bus station?" "Bus station?" "I'm trying to get a bus." "You come with me." "Buses down here, yeah?" "[ Singing in native language ]" "Your family?" "Happy holi." "Happy holi!" "Woman:" "Happy holi!" "What are we doing here?" "Happy holi!" "Happy holi!" "Happy holiday." "I mean, normally, if I'm messing about with paint," "I'm quite a tidy worker." "This wouldn't happen." "But I didn't have the time to not do it, did I?" "He said, "Come and meet me family." I'm like, "All right."" "Then next thing you know, he's like..." "Boof!" "Man:" "Ain't it great?" "!" "I mean, it is paintball, basically, without the safety." "There's no goggles involved." "It was just..." "Boof!" "It was good that, you know," "Aashiq was concerned about me clothing and he gave me something to wear today." "He could have told me about the shoes, you know?" "I mean, that's all very well, telling me, like, to worry about a t-shirt that I think was, like, 12 quid from Topman." "I've got 70-quid trainers on." "He didn't tell me to take them off." "So they're knackered." "Yesterday, I thought I'd got used to it." "I thought, "Right, I'll be okay tomorrow."" "Just when you think, "Right, I know what India means, and I know what it's all about" This happened." "Anyway, where's this bus stop?" "[ Metal detector pinging ]" "I'm not well, honestly." "I feel really sick, got a fever." "I can't tell if I'm sort of..." "Got a bad fever, 'cause, you know, I can't tell what color I am with all the dye." "But, um..." "What's that?" "I don't care anymore." "I just sort of feel like if I'm gonna shit meself," "I will." "'Cause I just feel that sort of ill." "[ Exhales deeply ]" "Has that been used?" "[ Hinges creak loudly ]" "Is that it?" "Is that the..." "Oh, there's a queue here." "I'll just..." "Who's helping me out?" "[ Speaking native language ]" "Yeah?" "It's all right." "Sorry." "Just a quick one." "Just a ticket to Haridwar." "He kicked it off." "I knew that would happen." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I know." "I know." "I mean, at the end of the day, are these all for the same bus?" "You know?" "I don't want to be sat on a bus for eight hours with some people who, you know, are pissed off with me." "Hello." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "I'll tell you what..." "It doesn't matter how amazing that Taj Mahal is." "It's not worth all this." "And I haven't even seen it yet." "But I'm telling you that now." "And that isn't good..." "going with attitude." "Alan Whicker..." "He did all these travel shows years ago." "A smart fellow with a suit on." "Never saw him covered in shit." "Never saw him knackered, whinging, moaning." "People will be watching it going, "Oh, what's wrong with you?" "It's India." "What did you expect?"" "Yeah, well, you're not here, are you?" "[ Horns honking ]" "Operator:" "Received 4:58 P.M." "I don't know anything about the festival, just, you know, other than what Steve told me about it being a massive religious thing, and it's by a famous river, you know, the Ganges, which I've heard of." "But other than that, I don't know why I'm going." "And on top of all that, you know, Ricky's told me that I'm staying at a place called Lahore House." "Sounds good, doesn't it?" "Man:" "Your tent is ready." "Tent?" "Yes." "A tent." "Brilliant." "I haven't slept, and I'm being put in a tent." "You see?" "This is all right." "Yes." "Bathroom." "This is well smart." "I wasn't expecting this." "[ Laughs ]" "Brilliant." "Bit of a stretch there for the toilet paper, if I'm being picky, about that distance." "But I'll tell you what." "I am really chuffed." "Yeah, I've been camping, I've done tents before, but nothing like this." "I got a normal toilet, which is handy 'cause of the way I've been feeling, nice, comfy bed, a view of that, you know, famous river." "I can't ask for more." "A lot of people say," ""I'm going to India to find meself."" "Look at the color of that." "But what happens if I change and I go home and I'm all different?" "Suzanne's going, "What's happened to you?"" "And then she doesn't like the new me that I've found." "And then I start to hate meself because I'm not the person who I thought I was." "I know who I am." "Bloody hell," "I'm getting bills for Karl Pilkington left, right, and center, so I hope I'm him." "'Cause if I'm not, I'm paying for someone else." "[ Man chanting in native language ]" "Nothing wrong with this, is there?" "All this space here." "Honestly, I'm happy." "I can stay here now for the rest of the time here." "[ Chanting continues ]" "If I'm listening to him doing that, isn't that me getting involved?" "Isn't that enough?" "I'm just saying let's just have a few days here." "That's the Ganges." "I'll look at that." "Isn't that a big part of India?" "Let's focus on that for a bit." "Man:" "It's not very interesting telly to just stay here all day, though, Karl." "I don't know why Steve wants me to go to this religious festival, 'cause he knows I'm not into it." "The only thing that's making me sort of interested a little bit is the bloke who's had his arm in the air for 12 years and the elephant Baba." "Other than that, I don't know what's down there for me." "[ Bells ringing ]" "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "[ Telephone rings ]" "All right, mate." "Uh..." "Well, I've had better holidays." "All this spiritual stuff you keep harping on out..." "It's not me." "Why do you think I'm interested in..." "But that's like going to a brothel and saying," ""Don't mind me." "I'm just gonna stand over here and watch."" "Either you get involved, or you shouldn't be there." "Yeah." "Yeah, and tonight" "I had some sort of new pudding that I've never had before..." "Carrots with sort of milk and sugar on it." "Enjoyed it." "I'd have it again." "I don't know if I'll find it in London." "In HD?" "This is a bit weird, isn't it?" "Are these the Baba people?" "I mean, they're meant to have special powers, aren't they?" "Look at them." "I mean, I thought they'd be sort of more religious-looking." "Do you know what I mean?" "All prim and proper." "Some of them haven't even got pants on." "Man:" "We are now in an area which is all different Babas." "Ah, welcome." "You should take this lesson." "Pilkington:" "First Baba..." "He reminded me of Bill Oddie." "His feet are backwards." "[ Speaking native language ]" "Man:" "Big power." "Big power?" "Yeah." "And even though he's meant to be this mystical sort of man, different life and everything," "I'm just looking at him thinking," ""I'm seeing the goodies for ages."" "And then the other Baba looked like Jim Morrison." "There he was, stark-bollock naked, with shades on." "He was concerned about hurting his eyes in the sun but wasn't worried about, you know..." "The sun burning his ass cheeks." "Man:" "He is showing you some yoga postures." "He's showing a lot." "Yeah." "If you want to see more, you'll have to pay." "Don't want to see more." "Didn't know where to look." "All right, that's..." "Tell him that's enough." "Sticking his legs around the back of his head and everything," "I got a right eyeful." "Okay." "Can I try?" "I just wondered how bendy my legs are." "That's all I'm making off." "Aah, I just heard something crack." "[ Laughter ]" "Right, you ready?" "Hang on." "Hey." "[ Breathing heavily ]" "Aah!" "[ Sighs ] I can't." "Can't." "[ Grunts ]" "[ Laughter ]" "[ Inhales deeply ]" "Ahh!" "Man:" "A dollar!" "A dollar?" "Dollar." "Man:" "Very good." "Ooh." "Hey, here's that Baba out of the paper." "So, could he explain the reason why he's decided to do this?" "[ Speaking native language ]" "Interpreter:" "He has chosen this as a part of his way of communicating and his way of reaching to the God." "That, to me, is ridiculous." "Most of the time, my left hand is only helping out the right hand." "It's if I'm washing up, I'll pass it something." "That's it, or it just holds something whilst this one does all the work." "I understand that one arm is better than the other, but I'd never say, "Oh, but I don't need it."" "All right." "Has anybody ever took it further and done both arms?" "[ Speaking native language ]" "Interpreter:" "There are others also who do it with one leg up, both hands up, both the legs up, so they never stand on their feet." "Well, that's no existence, is it?" "We all dedicate our lives to something, don't we?" "Been with Suzanne for 16 years." "That's dedication for you." "And I've got me two arms to do things for her." "Is he married?" "How does he help around the house?" ""Albert, windows need cleaning."" ""Eh." "You'll have to do them."" "You know?" "I mean, it's just a great excuse, isn't it?" "Yeah, it was better than I thought it was." "You know, quite interesting." "And I'm going back tomorrow, aren't I, to see the elephant Baba." "He's got a head like an elephant." "That should be good." "I'm gonna go down to the Kumbh Mela festival again, which is weird, isn't it?" "'Cause I didn't want to go initially, but I found it quite interesting." "And the translator's called, and he's told me that he's found the elephant Baba." "Oh, yeah, I can see him." "Yeah, I can see him." "You can?" "Yeah, here, we take shoes off." "Shoes off?" "Money down there?" "Ohh." "How is he feeling today?" "Is he well?" "Okay, good." ""Okay."" "He doesn't mind me looking at all?" "This is fine?" "Yeah." "And does it have any sort of health issues with him?" "Does he struggle doing anything?" "[ Man speaking native language ]" "[ Speaking native language ]" "He's quite healthy." "He does his yoga every day." "Could you get him to explain what affect it has had on living here and looking like this?" "[ Speaking native language ]" "It was how I thought it would be, you know, meeting elephant Baba." "He seems quite happy." "You know, he's doing what he can do with the way he's been born." "It was his mate that surprised me more." "Whips his, uh, walking stick out." "Oh, gosh." "I don't understand." "What..." "What does that show?" "He can do it just because he does yoga every day." "I've never heard of that sort of yoga." "[ Crack ]" "Ohh!" "What was that?" "There was a crack." "When you're doing that every day, that's something you need, isn't it, the walking stick?" "It's handy that it's a two-in-one tool, in a way." "Well, I don't understand this need to let everyone know what you believe in." "Vandalizing his own sort of *** and bollocks." "Yeah, that was a added bonus." "I didn't know I was gonna be getting that today." "Pilkington:" "Got a text message this morning from Steve." "He said, "All right, Karl, I was worried" ""that you would not be able to understand spirituality," ""so I've asked a local saint" ""to take you to his ashram for the night" ""for some one-to-one discussions" ""on the nature of life and higher levels of consciousness."" "And apparently, I'm gonna meet one of his disciples..." "A fellow called Dav Ram." "Pilkington:" "Hiya." "Are you Dav Ram?" "America." "Dav Ram?" "America!" "What?" "Are you Dav Ram?" "Yes, I am." "What do you mean, "America"?" "Oh, I thought you said where did I come from?" "Yes, my name is Dav Ram." "Dav Ram." "Okay, brilliant." "Yeah." "You're gonna meet, really, one of the great saints of India." "The Swamiji has reached the height of spiritual development." "Just being in the presence of a master of that caliber elevates one's awareness." "And will he keep asking me if I'm feeling that?" "No." "No." "No?" "I'm trying to think of times in me life where I've felt a bit different." "Right." "And I remember..." "it was years ago..." "I nearly choked to death." "Hmm?" "On an ice pop." "Hmm." "And me mom had to give me..." "Do you know the thing where you squeeze around the waist and sort of cough it up?" "Right." "And I got me breath back." "Uh-huh." "And after that, I felt quite, uh..." "Alive." "Okay, well, take that experience, magnify it manyfold, and let it be uninterrupted." "Hey." "How are you, Swamiji?" "That's good." "I've been better." "I'd say mind." "Hmm." "Anyway, next thing you know, Swamiji says," ""I want to take you across the Ganges in a boat."" "'Cause he wanted to cleanse me soul or something." "I've never had it cleansed before." "Hey, look, look." "He's gone down." "He's having a dunk." "I'm not dipping there." "[ Laughs ] No chance." "Not a chance." "You all right, Swami?" "[ Cellphone ringing ]" "Oh shit." "Hang on." "Hello?" "I'm just in the Ganges at the moment." "Just on a rubber dinghy with a 70-year-old man." "[ Laughs ]" "So it's not a great..." "I'm sat on the front here of a rubber dinghy." "Can I call you back in a bit?" "I'll see you later." "Ta-ra." "Time to call, isn't it?" "Don't know." "Isn't it wrong, though?" "For me to get in there?" "It doesn't mean anything to me." "It doesn't count, surely." "He said, "Do you want to go in the Ganges?"" "I said, "No."" "Yeah?" "Yeah." "And he left it at that, which I thought was quite good." "He didn't force it on me to go any further." "And then he started stripping off, and so I had to." "This is madness." "[ Laughs ]" "Come on." "Hey?" "[ Laughter ]" "And I said, "Well, if you go in, I'll go in."" "And he did." "So I had to." "Ohh!" "Bloody hell." "And, uh, I thought that was it, and then suddenly, he's like, "All right, let's dunk your head."" "Yeah." "Right." "You know, and not once, either." "You have to do it three times, eh?" "Three dunks." "I mean, you don't do that with a ginger nut in a cup of tea." "That's a two-dunk." "Yeah!" "Yeah." "Fine, fine, fine, fine." "So, do that..." "He's happy." "And he was saying, "Oh, look what it's done to you." "You look full of life."" "And it did wake me up a bit, but it is, like, minus 5." "Back for a cup of tea?" "Have you got some biscuits?" "Yeah." "I'd love a biscuit." "Yeah." "I feel like I can take a biscuit off you now." "I did that for you." "[ Laughs ]" "It's funny, isn't it?" "Funny how things change." "I said I wouldn't get in there." "[ Singing in native language ]" "I don't feel like I'm around some sort of special power, but he seems like a nice bloke." "And that's all you want, really." "Nice bloke, makes you feel welcome in his gaff." "He's fed us." "He's let me have a bed." "Messed about in his rubber dinghy." "You know, if that's what spirituality's about, then that's just being mates, really." "That's basic, isn't it?" "It's just about getting on with people." "He's a transformed man." "Look at this guy." "Pilkington:" "It's very airy." "[ Laughter ]" "[ Speaking native language ]" "See you in the morning." "Okay." "[ Laughter ]" "Thanks." "See you again." "[ Bells ringing ]" "Pilkington:" "I don't know why Steve sent me to a cow." "We've got them at home." "Anyway, as soon I got in there, they had me on cow-worship duty." "I'm giving it a sense of party." "Pilkington:" "Cow-dung cake?" "Yes." "Is that fresh?" "Yeah, this is fresh." "Anyway, these cow-dung cakes..." "you know, it's a type of fuel." "You know, it shouldn't really have the word "cake" in it." "[ Groans ]" "Hey, this is swell, isn't it?" "I thought it might have just been mud, but it is proper cow shit." "And I was worried about the local thing about, you know, using your hand when you've been to the toilet." "I'm getting neck high in cow shit." "My God." "I never thought I'd be doing that." "I've been ill twice already, so this isn't gonna help the situation, is it?" "I thought I was on the way to the Taj Mahal today." "He said, "Oh, let's stop over here."" ""Not a problem." ""I'll see some cows." "What can go wrong?"" "And then, like, just as I'm leaving, you know," "I'm thinking I'm getting out of there, they drug me into some sort of souvenir shop." "Soap?" "Man:" "Yeah." "Cow-dung juice?" "Juice." "Yeah." "No one I know has ever been rushing around, going into body shops, saying, "You haven't got any cow shit, have you?" "Cow shit soap?"" "It's not needed." "So not necessary in life." "Not toothpaste, but powder?" "And what's this made from?" "You can still like the cow without going that far with the shit and the piss." "Over me arm, then." "Ohh!" "God!" "It was just like old-man piss..." "Sort of when your granddad's been and hasn't flushed." "And you drink that?" "It cures baldness?" "Yeah." "Come all the way to India, sticking cow shit on my head." "If I said, "Get stuff out of a chicken and rub it over your head," they'd go, "Don't be stupid."" "Well, it's because it's a cow and it's this sort of religious animal..." "It's just, "Yeah, drink it." "Straight, direct." "Get the tail up."" "It's just too much." "I think it's..." "It annoyed me a bit." "[ Sniffs ]" "I've still got bits under me nails." "Pilkington:" "Oh, it's starting to do me head in again." "Just, you know..." "Even with that traveling today." "Normally, I like traveling around, sat in a car, looking out of a window, looking at life going on." "But it's not a nice thing to do in India." "Honestly, I just want to go home." "Oh, Jesus." "It stinks." "Me eyes are burning." "[ Speaking native language ]" "This is the hotel?" "Yeah, this is the hotel." "This one?" "Yeah." "This is very romantic." "This hotel's got a honeymoon suite?" "[ Horn honks ]" "Pilkington." "Honeymoon suite." "Good." "That's good." "Honeymoon suite." "This isn't a honeymoon suite." "Who would have a honeymoon here?" "What's that there?" "What's the cupboard for?" "All right." "Sort of an en suite shed, which is quite handy." "Oh, God, it stinks." "[ Clears throat ]" "Fuck me." "What a shit hole." "Sandpaper." "What's this one... a dartboard?" "Hmm." "I thought that was gonna be the fridge to the room." "Turps, paint brushes." "Good." "That's what you want on your honeymoon, isn't it, really?" "Every time you have a smell of ronseal," ""Oh, that takes me back to our special night."" "[ Dance music thumping, horns honking ]" "I can't see the Taj." "He said if you look straight out there." "That's what you can see." "That." "[ Sighs ]" "It's madness that that body's staying in somewhere half-decent like that..." "And I'm in here." "I hate it, honestly." "I really hate it here." "Fuck this." "I'm not staying here." "Can't be hassled with this." "[ Door closes ]" "Man:" "Karl, where you going?" "Karl!" "Karl!" "Karl, where you going, mate?" "Fucking that, I just..." "I'm not staying in that room." "What's it about?" "Man:" "Well, I don't think anyone knew it was quite this bad." "I mean, your room's not that bad." "It stinks of shit, what do you mean, "It's not that bad"?" "It fucking stinks." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "It's just that I've been here for, like, ages." "I'm knackered." "I haven't slept." "It's another noisy road." "I've been ill." "Do you know what I mean?" "It's not your fault." "All right." "It's not your fault." "[ Horns honking ]" "I bet many a bloke's spent a night in here on their own, even though it's a honeymoon suite." "I bet the woman says, "That's it." "It's over." ""If this is where you bring me for me wedding night, forget it."" "6:00 in the morning." "I've been awake all night, throwing up." "It's been coming out the other end." "I'm not feeling me best, to be honest." "Man:" "So, this is your first proper glimpse of the Taj Mahal, Karl." "How's it feel?" "It's all right, isn't it?" "It's not bad." "It took 20 years to build." "He built it for his dead wife." "I just think it was a case of keeping himself busy." "They say that, don't they?" "When someone dies, it's a loss in your life, so give yourself a little project to do." "It's a quite a big project, though, isn't it?" "Yeah." "I mean, did he treat her well when she was knocking around?" "Well, she was one of four wives." "You know what I mean?" "One of four wives." ""You know, I had three other wives." ""I shouldn't have done that, really." "Best stick her in something nice."" "Now she's dead." "It's too late." "It's too late, mate." "Don't come crawling back once she's dead." "[ Horns honking ]" "Ramesh?" "Hiya." "I'm Karl." "Nice to meet you, sir." "Welcome to the Taj Mahal." "Thank you very much." "When you look at the Taj Mahal from the next arch..." "Like a Taj Mahal in a frame." "Beautiful like the postcard view." "Yeah, it works well, doesn't it?" "Nicely fits in, doesn't it?" "Yes." "Your dream come true." "You're in front of this beautiful building, majestic." "Is this part of your tour?" "Yeah." "There you can see a beautiful reflection view of Taj Mahal." "Like a "Buy one, get one free."" ""Buy one, get one free"?" "Good offer." "Next step?" "Sir, you can see the Princess Diana chair." "When it was 1992, she came here." "She took the pose from here." "Pilkington:" "Yeah, well, the tourists all love the Princess Diana chair, queuing up to sit down on the chair that Princess Diana sat on..." "Load of nonsense." "We're after these two, right?" "Yes, sir." "That's your turn." "All right." ""Just a sausage factory." "Sit down, look miserable."" "[ Imitates camera shutter ] "Next."" "Yes." "Hands on the knees." "That's the style." "Very nice." "Was that good?" "You have a photogenic face." "The Taj Mahal is beautiful." "You are more handsome." "Man:" "You got any feelings coming up?" "Uh, stomach's better now." "It's fine." "I meant more of an emotional nature, being here." "Um, how can you have an emotional feeling here?" "There's like 40 people stood around." "Princess Diana had it closed off, didn't she?" "She could sit here and think about stuff." "But compared to out there, this is peaceful, and I think that's why Diana came here." "That's why she looked fed up." "She was probably out shit for two days, sick of the racket, crap hotel." "She's like, "God, when am I going home?"" "Nothing to do with her marriage breakup." "It's India." "The main white structure... four sides symmetrical." "Look from all sides..." "same view." "Pilkington:" "All right." "So by the center line," "Taj Mahal divides like a mirror image, half this side, half other side." "Isn't it?" "Exactly?" "Yes, sir." "Pilkington:" "I find it odd, to be honest." "It's built for a dead person, yet he was doing all that symmetrical stuff." "He's like, "Hang on a minute."" "It's almost like having a gravestone with a sudoku on it." "What is it?" "Is it a place to sort of remember someone, have a special moment, or is it a place to go and have a puzzle?" "It's like that thing..." "Have you ever done that thing where you have a mirror and you go like that in the mirror?" "Yeah." "And it looks like both sides are going up." "It's the same idea." "Same idea." "[ Singing in native language ]" "This is best way to see it for me, this." "It's not the best river I've ever been down." "I think I've just seen a fish with three heads." "But I just like the peacefulness." "[ Cellphone rings ]" "All right?" "Yeah, I've just been to see the Taj." "Eh, it's all right, you know." "I was pretty impressed." "I hate it." "I stayed at a place that had an en suite shed." "Did he stay there?" "[ Laughs ]" "[ Singing continues ]" "And this is like the final view of it, isn't it, before I go home." "All right, mate, how's it going?" "It's been interesting, Steve." "I've learned a lot." "I've seen a lot." "I've done a lot." "I've shat a lot." "[ Laughs ]" "I mean, just over there, they cremate bodies over there, so you're never that far away from that weirdness in India, even here." "Probably on the telly, you're going, "That looks lovely."" "Wildlife going on there, the sun going down, the Taj Mahal." "Hang on." "What's that?" "There's a lot of dead bodies out the back." "Definitely not." "[ Laughs ]" "This has been the only building in India that has a bit of normality to it, so maybe that's why it's a wonder." "Yeah, I can't see anything much in this one, to be honest." "Pretty serious for me, that, isn't it?"