"I'd like an ambulance, please." "5-2-s-s..." "Arden Drive." "Yeah." "Thanks." "I think I hardly need to tell you that I was very vain." "In a rich man's life, our type leads." "If a man's not vain, he doesn't have much to five for." "So I went out of my Way to make absolutely sure that the benefit was organized with the maximum possible good taste." "Garlic and dill." "Mmm!" "Always, you always do a remarkable job." "Well, thank you." "{personally supervised the catering." "Not too much, but we want enough." "No rubber chicken served here." "{issued ah' the invitations myself" "Thank you very much for coming, it means a lot, this charity." "The most important thing that we can get out of today is understanding that a little bit goes such a long way around the world..." "The music began fairly early." "Oh, how Well I remember all the details of that evening." "I remember how he produced his violin, the Way he opened the case, tossed a cloth aside and took his cheap violin out like it was a Strad." "I remember the Way my Wife sat down at the piano, trying to appear indifferent... when I could tell she was extremely nervous, scared she was gonna fuck it up." "They played Beethoven's "Kreutzer Sonata"." "You know it." "The first movement?" "I hate that fucking sonata." "In fact, I hate classical music." "I mean, What's it about?" "What?" "What's it for?" "You can't dance to it." "You can't hum the tune." "What am I supposed to do, sit there like some dummy?" "Doing What?" "Waiting for the end so that I can applaud politely?" "I've read that music carries you directly into the state of consciousness that was experienced by the composer." "How does anyone know what the fuck was on Beethoven's mind when he Wrote this?" "I don't." "Do you?" "You know the Way it happens sometimes?" "It's like an electric shock goes through you and you Wake up." "I Woke up like that in a hotel room in San Francisco... my head full of thoughts about her, about my sexual desire for her... about him, the violinist... and the two of them fucking." "Hello?" "Hi, Ginger, it's Edgar." "Is she back yet?" "No, um... she called, she'll be back around 11:15." "Oh." "All right, I'll talk to you tomorrow, thanks." "I shuddered with rage and horror." "Stay down!" "Then I began to reason with myself" "{had no reason to think that" "Nothing's going on." "Nothing's been going on..." "I mean, she's my wife?" "The mother of my children." "This is very L.A." "It's a bubbly moment..." "It's a breast fully moment." "Yeah, it's not last summer, it's many summers ago." "And what else?" "And it seems to be rather..." " Fun!" " Fun." "And open." "Yeah, blowing." "What do you know about art anyway?" "Not a lot." "What do you know?" "Do you know anything about big fish?" "Do I?" "No..." "I like yours, you like mine..." "That's the way it works." "What are you drinking?" "Oh, you want, you want a little sip of mine?" "Yeah, I'll have yours." "It's free...the drink is freezing my hand off." "The drink is free?" "Free-Zing." "I'm free!" "Are you from L.A.?" "I am, I've lived here practically all my life." "Shall I hold it for you?" "I'm just worried about your hands getting cold." "You're gonna hold it for me?" " Are your hands getting cold?" " No." "See?" "Feel how cold mine are." "Your hands are..." "No!" "Um, I'm not- you didn't ask me..." "No, I didn't!" "But I'm not from here." "Where are you from?" "I am from New York." "And I don't really like L.A. that much, but I have to tell you, it was definitely the right career move for me to come here, because, um, you know, it's a really difficult business that I'm in." "I'm a classical pianist and there really aren't that many places to get jobs and L.A., I think, is really on the rise." "Wonderful-I would love to hear you play." "I bet you would." "And I would really like to play for you." "Well, are you with anybody now?" "I am, yeah." "Where is he?" "I don't know where he is." "Not here." "Presently." "And not comfortable with me probably being here either..." "So maybe I should go inside." "In fact, I think I'm gonna go get a drink." "Oh hi, honey." "Um, come on in." "I was looking for you." "Really." "I was looking for you." "Yeah, you were..." "I'll take care of you." "Why are you acting surprised?" "Why are you acting surprised?" "What's going on?" "Nothing, nothing." "Nothing, nothing, nothing." "Mmm, thank you." "Absolutely." "What kind of counseling?" " Marriage." " Marriage." "Kinsey's not dating anybody." "Who are you telling that to?" "I'm not telling that to you." "I'm saying that to Edgar because I had a conversation with him." "Edgar, Kinsey's not dating..." "No, I wanna know what the conversation was, really." "About alter egos." "It was nothing." "God, I'm sorry." "I almost threw up my food!" "Is he some kind of a split personality?" "This is awful now because I've backed myself into a corner!" "And I remember what you said, god damn it!" "No, he was just saying that secrets are very hard to maintain... and that they can sometimes work in your best interest." "That trust is an imposition." "Something that we attach all this importance to when sometimes somebody fails and in actual fact, they haven't." "It's just your idea of them." "There's a trust..." "If you don't have trust, I don't understand..." "But, but I think Edgar has an interesting point..." "I mean, define that trust." "Define the trust?" "You trust that you love each other, you trust that you want to stay together, you trust that each other's the most important thing in each other's life, I think." "Yeah, but I bet you any, any monogamous couple in any relationship, if they were given the right circumstance, the right moment, the right timing, the right chemistry with someone else, they would stray." "This is not about us." "I'm just saying, in general..." "Would you like some more wine?" "Kinsey's gonna drop me off." "Oh, .." "But you know, just, uh..." "I love you, just, I'll see you at home." "I drove home positively beside myself with enthusiasm, convinced that she was the acme of perfection." "What sold me?" "The exquisite piano playing." "Surely someone so talented had to have a deep and kind soul." "There and then, I first Wanted her to be my Wife." "But it was my first kiss." "It was in Ireland and she... she was a girl that was introduced to me by a friend called Jerry Lynch." "But the thing was that she'd been observing me and I'd actually never seen her." "This is what he asked me to do:" "He said go in the middle of a field, lie down, cover YOU F eyes" "and wait." "So I waited, waited, waited... and then I felt hair pour over my face..." "Ohh..." " and then breath grazed my cheek..." " And lips... against my face." "And I was so overcome by the moment that I actually never opened my eyes." "Ohh... and I never saw her." "Oh... that is so sweet." "Have you ever been married?" "I have, yeah." "Yeah?" "Once before." "How is that?" "It was wonderful in its own way, and then it slowly but surely fizzled." "Did you ever cheat on your wife?" "Um..." "Your lip just quivered!" "I'm a big cheat." "You're a big cheat?" "Yeah." "Well, then, maybe you can show me how, 'cause I'm really..." "This is new for me." "Well, I am showing you how." "Am I not?" "I mean, I'm not with somebody." "You are." "Well, I guess I'm really not having a hard time with it then." "Are you dating anybody?" "Two very bad people." "I didn't really think it was my place to ask, so I didn't ask." "I dated people I didn't like for a really long time and that worked for me." "And then sex became a little bit of a game." "A little bit of a control thing, a power thing." "My mom is very cool." "She's a very open, bohemian..." "Amsterdam;" "I-type" "And your father?" "Very closed." "Very German." "Very German." "Banker type?" "I had to sneak around the corners and wait for him to talk to me." "I had to raise my hand." "No, I'm just kidding." "No, he's, um...he's very serious and he's, you know, a businessman, and he is... multi-lingual, which makes him fascinating." "He loves poetry and literature and he's interesting," "I just don't know him that well." "But I like him." "If I met him at a dinner party, I probably would like him." "But I don't really talk to him that much." "And... I guess..." "I guess the same kind of goes for my mom too." "I'm not super close to her, but I admire her greatly." "I shouldn't be falling for you..." "Oh..." "I shouldn't." "I shouldn't be falling for you either." "I shouldn't..." "I shouldn't... mmm." "Did you ever walk in and catch your parents having sex ever?" "I did, yes." "Did you?" "Yeah, I did, actually." "I was..." "I was, uh... maybe four, five years old." "And I heard this, um... terrifying scream... a sort of moaning, screaming sound." "And I got very concerned." "And I got out of bed, walked down the hallways... pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter... and continued hearing these moans coming from my mother... and I went into the room... and I saw this man's back, this very defined muscular man's back," "and it wasn't my father." "Oh no." "Oh no!" "And the man was eating my mother." "Shh..." "Oh no!" "I literally thought he was eating- he was eating her out, but I literally thought..." "Oh no!" "He was eating her." "And uh..." "Oh, that's awful!" "And I went up to the bed and I pounded his back and he turned around and..." "and looked at me in horror." "And my mother said, "it's .., it's .., everything's fine." "I'm fine, darling." "Go back to your bedroom."" "Who was he?" "Her lover." "Really?" "Abby!" "Abby!" "Can I please talk to you for a minute?" "!" "Fuck!" "Of course he was fucking her." "It's what she does." "It's what she Wants, that's her power, that's..." "Why I married her." "It's the only thing about her that I Want, it's the only thing that... other bastards Want." "And he's a good-looking guy, he's a musician, he's, he's a single guy, he's...young." "Nothing could stop him." "I don't even know who she is." "She's a...a mystery... just as she's always been." "Just as she'll...always be." "I..." "I don't know her." "{only know her as a, as an animal" "And nothing can or should hold back an animal." "Please leave a message..." "It was only then that I began to remember the Way that she looked that evening." "I re...remembered the look on their faces..." "I remember how weakly, pathetically and blissfully she had...smiled as I came up to the piano and how she wiped the perspiration from her blushing face." "Even then...they were avoiding each other's eyes... and I remember when they looked at each other and gave each other... a little smile." "I knew that look." "Those barely perceptible smiles." "There was no longer any barrier between them." "They've done it." "They...they must have." "It's fucking obvious." "Everyone can see." "With horror, I recalled..." "Yes, appointments on Monday." " Good morning." " Morning, Cynthia." " How are you?" " I'm good, thank you." " How are you?" " I'm good." "I have things for you to sign..." "for a change." "Mr. Kemp." "The 3:00, the New York investor company, they, they canceled." "They're gonna call me and reschedule for next week." ".., all right, thank you." "You're welcome." "Would you like some coffee?" "I'd love some coffee." "All right." "Grande non-fat latte, right?" "You got it." "Come on in." "Thank you." "Gentlemen..." "All right, gentlemen." "Cassandra Persons." "This is Edgar Hudson..." "So good to meet you." "Oh, Mr. Hudson." "A pleasure to meet you." "And Richard Kemp." "Very nice to meet you." "Spoke to you on the phone." " That's right-nice to meet you." " Please sit down." "Good to put a name to the face." "Thank you very much for taking this meeting." "Our pleasure." "I've been working on this project for the last couple of months, and I reached out to your foundation 'cause I was hoping that you can help me." "Um, I have a friend who was just in Africa a few months ago, and he met a young boy who was an amputee." "He was 10 years old." "There are several thousand amputee children." "Because amputating the limbs of children and all of the civilians was the signature atrocity of the R.U.F. soldiers." "How did these amputations actually take place?" "They would lay the arm on a stump, or the leg on a stump and they would actually ask the individual which one they would prefer to have amputated..." "Dear Lord... and they would have to choose, and upon the decision..." "Wow." "It would be amputated with a machete..." "Sometimes by other children." "Wow." "And now they're 15 years old and they have no one, and so they're walking the streets." "And I know that there is something that can be done for them now." "Sure." "Your foundation's been so profound in changing medicine and helping people who need medical care," "I was hoping that you could help me help these children." "We can get..., we can get physical stuff, but I'm telling you, I can hear Elinore "Off core mission, off core mission, off core mission."" "I know, big sis is tough." "I know, that's why I just..." "I don't know if we can get involved." "I mean, I think it's a really good thing, my heart goes out to them..." "Yeah." "It's just, uh..." "Look, I'll see you after lunch." "But Elinore's coming today." "At..." "Yeah, absolutely." "What time is she coming?" "3:00?" "It's 2:30." "2:30..., I'll be there at, uh..." "I'll be back at 2:15." "But wait, you really can't leave me, because we have... one, we have the budget, which we haven't fixed yet." "The budget's not fixed yet." "Listen, I don't want to bring this up to her, and you can't leave me alone..." "Cynthia, I'll see you after lunch." "You just can't leave me alone with her, you know, for five, 10 minutes, she's..." "I've heard this before." ""Be back after lunch."" "When does he come back?" "Next Wednesday." "Hey, baby." "Yeah." "No, I think he's wonderful." "I think he's great." "He's a really great choice." "Awesome, I know, because I've heard him before, before we started working together, but this cellist, I'm telling you, he's a total asshole." "I mean, he thinks he's Yo-Yo Ma, but he sounds more like Jacqueline du Pre at her farewell tour." "Um..." "Yeah, that's..." "I'm fine with that." "I think those are combinations..." "And also just make sure that I don't have some clapped-out piano, like the high school piano with a busted pin-block, .., because I'll sound completely amateur." "No, I, I think it makes complete sense." ".., so run some people by me." "He's great." "I think he's really wonderful." "He's a little young, but, uh... but he would be a great addition." "Right now?" ".., .., yeah." "Opportunity presents itself for me to actually work on the piano and make sure that it's not a piece of shit, because that's really gonna present a problem for me." "Yeah, no problem." "I don't have a problem with that... at all." "I hear everything you're saying and I really will call you... back later and we'll talk more, and I'll also, you know, make sure to check my e-mail..." ".., thanks." "Thank you so much, Lena." "Bye." "Thanks." "What are you doing?" "Are you crazy?" "God damn it, Edgar, get off of me!" ";" "What?" "You fucking came in me." "Are you nuts?" "It's not fucking funny." "Get..." "What are you thinking?" "It's not funny." "Sorry." "Sorry?" "Shh, shh, shh..." "Oh, look...it's over." "As soon as it starts, it's over." "Clean up!" "Just fucking clean it... clean it up!" "Everything has a sharp edge, there's all these..." "I have to constantly watch her..." "It's really exhausting for me." "Why is this diaper on the counter?" "Shh, shh, shh..." "I'm trying the best that I can." "It's not my..." "I'm not really good at it, ...?" "That's ..." "And I'm not a housekeeper..." "and I'm tired of doing laundry..." "I understand that." "And..." "I want my mom to come see me." "[baby 0008,51" "What awful lies We spread about children." ""Children are God's blessing on us."" ""Children are a delight. "" "It's all fucking lies." "Mothers know this...and sometimes they'll own up to it." "You're not doing it for real!" "What am I not doing for real?" "I am doing it for real." "You are not." "You're being bad." "Stop it." "I said to stop it." "Lexi!" "Keep saying it." "I said to stop." "I know, but you still..." "I know, I know, .., .." "Will you please not bang on the piano?" "And we'll play like funny play." " Am I crabs with you?" " Yeah." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." "No, Homer..." "Once We had number two, that was it." "She gave up playing..." "Leave us alone." "Shh, shh, shh..." "Mama..." "She Wanted a new home, she got a new home." "She had a... terrible power over me." "You don't believe that women have that much power over us?" "Well...go into any mall." "There are millions of dollars Worth of stuff there." "You can never put a value on the amount of labor that's gone into producing it, yet look..." "In nine out of 10 stores, is there even one fucking thing a man would want to buy?" "All life's luxury articles are made to meet the demands of women and to be consumed by them." ".., I'm coming to get ya!" "I'm coming to get ya!" "I'm coming to get ya!" "He doesn't want this." "Here just take the boy..." "Mommy..." "I know, I know." "Can I cut that up?" "He doesn't want it cut up." "Just...hold on one second." "Shh, shh, shh..." "Hold on one second, ...?" "Hold on one second, ...?" "Desi..." "Desi missed his nap." "Now he's gonna be up all day." "It's .., I'm not blaming you, but can you please go pick up the Porsche?" " Yup." " It's on Santa Monica and 12th, ...?" "Here's the key." "Just use the checkbook that I gave you, ...?" "And call me from the road." ".., thanks." "Honey, let's go outside and play in the sun." "Oh, my God!" "She had grown as pretty as the last ray of summer." "She was aware of it and started to take an interest in her appearance." "A kind of provocative beauty radiated from her... and people found it disturbing." "She was 35 years old, in the full flower of her Womanhood." "Yeah..." "Well...and Whenever she walked past men, she attracted their gaze..." "Disgusting..." "She was an impatient, Well-fed horse that has had its bridle taken off..." "I could sense this..." "and it scared me." "I don't ever see my friends." "You don't like them anyway." "I don't do anything that I love any more." "And I feel so bad..." "Because I feel like I'm making you feel bad, and I don't want to make you feel bad... 'cause I know you did everything right." "I just..." "I don't understand what you're saying." "I just..." "Yeah?" "I'm just so tired of everything." "What is actually wrong?" "Is it about this?" "It's .., it's understandable." "L... it's not like I'm trying to create a problem." "I just want my life back, ...?" "I know you didn't take it from me on purpose." "I know that it wasn't some kind of crazy thing in your mind." "It's just..." "I gave it up..." "so it's my fault, ...?" "And I just need to figure out how I'm gonna make it..." "I just want some independence again, that's all I want." "I just want to do my own thing again." "I want to go out to dinner sometimes without you, and I want to sometimes not have to take care of the kids, or I want to go away with you, without the kids." "I don't want to just be here." "I don't want to be in Beverly Hills, I don't want to be in this house 24 hours a day." "I don't want to be gardening in the back." "I don't want to fucking run with the dogs." "I don't want to do any of this stuff." "I want my life back." "I want to travel." "I want to go to San Francisco or New York or go to Europe or something, or just be the way that things were in the beginning between us." "I just..." "Everything is such a..." "it's so orderly..." "If you have to go... if you have to claim some sort of life for yourself... then go." "I understand." "Why are you being so..." "I completely understand." "Perfect..." "Oh, no." "I wanted to have a fight with you." "We can have a fight." "Can we have a..." "Absolutely." "I was planning on a good fight." "Well, we can have a good fight." "You fucking ungrateful child." "You spoiled Beverly Hills wife." "That is so true." "I was just thinking that in my head." "That's better." "Hi..." "Somebody woke up." "Somebody woke up." "Say good night to Daddy." "Come here, baby." "It's all right if I read to you, hmm?" "I couldn't go back to sleep." "Could I have a cab, please?" "I decided I couldn't stand any more of this anxiety." "I would go to the airport and try and catch the last flight back to L.A." "I remember the strange feeling I had as I looked at the nape of his neck and its White flesh with the black hairs as he moved away from us with this peculiar bobbing, almost birdlike gait." "I'm not exaggerating when I tell you this man's presence drove me out of my mind." "Hi." "Edgar Hudson." "Pleased to meet you." "Hello." "And Richard Kemp." "Hi." "Richard." " Nice to meet you." " Yup." "Hmm..." "Thank you." "And, um...and a CD, but..." "I hope you'll play for us live." "Yeah, ..." "Where should I set up?" "Does it matter?" "Should I..." " Right here?" " Uh, right..." "Wherever you're comfortable." "This will be the first time violin has been played in this office," "I think, so we don't really have..." " But not the last." " ...a violin place." "So I think he will be perfect for the benefit." "This is why we keep her." "But Aiden is multi-talented." "He and I met at the gym in a capoeira class." "Oh, really?" " He helped me with my ginga." " I did." "Ginga?" "What's ginga?" "It means "swing"." "You just swing a little bit." " Swing?" " Yeah." "I'm not really a music guy, but, uh, play something to impress us." "Play something to impress you." "{should have made sure I never set eyes on him again." "Um, and there are no boarding passes here for me to pick up." "But that was like saying I was afraid of him." "He didn't scare me." "I'm not that pathetic." "So I introduced him to my Wife." "Abby" "This is Aiden." "Um, it was quite a day, quite a week that week." "We had broken down a couple of times in our jeep and we were told that..." "I was told that I needed to name the school." "They were gifting me with the school." "And upon leaving the school, I ran past, or we drove past, a huge abandoned diamond mine, and I don't know if you've ever seen a diamond mine before..." "It's a huge, gaping hole with about 16 feet of water, and...stagnant, still water, um, you know, infested, and in the middle of that there were five lily pads, and in the center of that there was a gorgeous lotus flower..." " Wow." " Fully bloomed in the middle." "And so, needless to say, um, I thought of the adage," ""the muddier the water, the more beautiful the lotus flower..."" "Oh, I love that." "And I decided..." "Oh, so that's... to name the school the muddy lotus." "So what piece of music do you think would be appropriate for such a wonderful charity?" "Um..." "Well, I think we have a few options." "Uh, there's, uh, Barber, Opers..." "Opus 14, which I think would be lovely to play." "Um, there's..." "I hope you're not looking at me." "Yeah, well...isn't that what it..." "what it's supposed to be?" "What was the setup here?" "I can't play..." " That's what I was told, was that..." " I used to play," "I went to Juilliard and I, and I have to say," "I still play a little bit, but..." "If you went to Juilliard, you don't play just a little bit" "You should play with somebody that you... that's currently working like you are." "Come on..." "Cynthia, she said you're amazing." "That's true." "She's wonderful." " So?" "Well, it's not like I can't step up to the challenge." "What other piece?" "What I want to play..." "uh, is the Kreutzer Sonata." "Oh, I don't know it." "Well, that's obviously a very strong violin piece, so you can play it by yourself, because I don't think I could ever... really pull that off." "It's, it's...a lot of broken chords, there's a lot of arpeggio..." "Arpeggios?" "What are arpeggios?" "Well, it was supposed to call..." "supposed to be called the Bridgetower..." " Oh, really?" " Yeah." "Very interesting." "Why is that?" "Bridgetower is this, uh, West Indian violinist, and, um, he's incredible, he's got these humongous hands and he could just, you know, span the violin, and he and Beethoven form a friendship... and they play the piece which will ostensibly become" "the Kreutzer..." "Kreutzer Sonata." " Oh." "But then Beethoven and Bridgetower get into a bit of a spat, and...they go out to a bar, they're drinking, there's too much talking, and what it says in, in sort of the history books" "is that Bridgetower besmirched some woman's honor." "Besmirched?" "Besmirched, which is a lovely word..." "I don't think that happened." "What I think happened was that Bridgetower slept with one of Beethoven's exes." "Beethoven, consumed with jealousy..." "Exactly." "Couldn't keep his women, could he?" "So he basically..." "Yeah, I think that Bridgetower slept with one Beethoven's exes and therefore Beethoven kicked him off the, the Kreutzer, he takes the piece, he sends it off, um...he sends it to Rodolphe Kreutzer, who lives in Paris," "and...basically Kreutzer takes a look at this sonata and he declares it unplayable." "He says, "It's too hard, I can't do it, forget about it."" "And now you've come to me..." " Exactly." " ...a mother... to play piano?" "Forget it." "It's not gonna happen." "He never ever played it?" "Not, not to my knowledge." "Well, wonderful, great." "I don't think I could..." "Darling..." "Oh, come on." "Please." "Please, please." "Four, one..." "Yeah, right there." "I had to be nice to him or I'd..." "I'd kill him on the spot." "Now sustain that... but I was in hell..." "Enjoy the chord.- .." "Because I could tell..." "the beast inside them both that didn't give a fuck what was nice or proper or, or what anyone thought..." "Two, three, four... had asked, "Can we?" and replied, "Oh, yes, certainly. "" "That's why..." "Uh-oh, the hair's going back." ""The only problem is getting your insufferable husband out of the Way."" "four..." "You can play with that one, ...?" "Desi, you can play that one, and I can play this one." "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "It was obvious that the music was meant to drown out their voices... maybe their kisses too." "My God." "Watch where you're going!" "Stop!" "Come back!" "No!" "Stop." "Hey!" "Both of you, back in the kitchen." "Go, go, go, 90, 90, 90 go, go, go!" "Take the dogs." "Take the dogs." "Go, both of you, out." "Edgar, come back here and take the dogs, please." "Lexi!" "Lexi!" "Come back!" "Lexi, come here." "Lexi!" "Just like Juilliard..." "Right, right." "No, I don't think so." "It's not a "sem-eye" but a "sem-ee."" "I'm so sorry." "I'm so very sorry." "I'm so very sorry." "Ah, it is what it is." "It is what it is." "We got good work in." "In fact, we got very good work in." "See you later." "Good-bye, fuzzy one." "Good-bye." "Kiss her boo-boo." "Where?" "Oh..." "Right now, just sit back, relax, enjoy the flight." "What time are you going out tonight?" "Tonight I'm going out around seven." "And what is his name?" "Stephen." "She has a very hot date tonight." "I have a date." "Do you?" "That I do." "Do you want to tell us a little bit about it?" "Not yet, but I'm going out." "Very late?" "You're on your own, yeah." "What are you doing today?" "I am going to the office." "What are you doing?" " I'm rehearsing." " Again?" "At home today." "Didn't you rehearse enough last night?" "We couldn't get anything done last night, because you couldn't keep control over..." "Come on, I was taking care..." "Edgar, I'm just saying that I couldn't get anything done last night because of the fact that you were... everything was mayhem here." "What are you talking about?" "I was completely helping you out..." "Don't raise your voice, please." "You let them run into the room and distract me, and it's difficult, so we're gonna just do it during the day when you're not here and no one's here...?" "Fine." "Good." "Mama..." "Who's this?" "Is this Thomas?" "Oh, this is, uh, Edward." "Desi, it's .., baby." "We're gonna go play in the park." "It's .., honey." "Park-it's your favorite thing." "Go, go, go!" "Run, run, run!" "Go play, go play, go play!" "I'll be back in an hour." "Aiden." "Oh, my God." "That little one is so adorable." "So, basically, these are the children of the diamond miners." "Their parents make a dollar and 33 cents a day and a cup of rice." "Not only is that not enough for them, it's not enough for them to feed or take care of their children." "And these are the types of conditions that breed war and civil strife." "And now, each and every day these children are being fed, and before they were going four and five days without eating." "The things, the things we take for granted." "Look, this is the salutation that they do every time we walk into the classroom." "It's "good morning," and... it's in their native language... which means "We love you, good morning, and welcome to our class."" "Now, these are some pictures that we've taken collectively." "And you're pretty good." "You guys are pretty good photographers." "Well, it was inspirational, I mean..." "So great." "This is the village." "Those are parents." "Look at all the colors." "I mean, just incredible, the smiles everywhere." "Never seen anything like it." "Sometimes amid very terrible conditions, but still..." "Oh, yeah, I just want to make sure I got everything with you." ".., so yeah, we got the textbooks..." "We were able to get the textbooks from the minister of education... they allotted us with 400 textbooks for now, but we're doing really good, and we have..." "I lost control of my imagination." "It began to paint for me, in the most lurid fashion, a rapid sequence of pictures showing what had gone on when I Wasn't around... when the kids weren't around." "They were alone in the house, in my...bed." "I was consumed with rage, indignation, and a kind of strange, drunken enjoyment of my hurt pride as I contemplated these pictures, but I..." "I couldn't tear myself away from them." "The more I contemplated these imaginary pictures, the more I believed they were real." "Hi." "Hi." "The Internet in the office broke down, so I decided to do some work here." "Good." "Good." "See ya, Aiden." "Hi." "I'm gonna go to the store." "Hey." "You all right?" "Yeah, I'm good." "What was really so awful was that I felt that I owned her body, as if it were my own, but I had no control over this body." "It...didn't belong to me." "She could do with it Whatever the fuck she Wanted." "I couldn't do a thing to stop her or him." "Even if she hadn't cheated on me, I knew she Wanted to, and that made it Worse." "It...would have been better if she'd actually done it in front of me so that I would have known for sure, but I Wanted her to stop Wanting what she couldn't help Wanting." "It...it was complete and utter madness." "I'm going to sleep." "What is your problem?" "Nothing." "Nothing at all." "I'm tired." "I read somewhere that, uh... playing the Kreutzer Sonata is like a... is like a, is like a dance, like a...almost like having sex with somebody." "Is that true?" "Have you heard that?" "Have you heard that?" "I don't have anything to say about that." "No." "What are you getting at?" "I don't understand." "I read that..." "playing the Kreutzer Sonata..." "Oh, give me a fucking break, Edgar." "You're asking me if I, if I've got some kind of fascination going on." "Just say it." "Why don't you just say it?" "I saw what you did." "I don't appreciate what you did, ...?" "How do you know what I did?" "Because I could see," "I could see that you went through my bag." "I know where I left my phone." "I, I know that you go through my things." "I'm aware of that." "I just came across the phone tonight." "No, that's not true." "You've gone through my journals before." "That's why you can't find them anywhere." "You know my password." "That's why you always kiss me when I'm on my e-mail." "What do you think I've done, ...?" "I don't want to have sex with you right now, ...?" "I'm not attracted to you." "What bothers you?" "That I actually have, that I'm having an interesting relationship where I'm speaking to somebody that I have something in common with?" "I saw a fucking ton of messages!" "All between you and Aiden." "Tons!" "One fucking after another!" "What the fuck do these messages mean?" "Stop it." "Stop it!" "What do they all mean?" "What is the problem?" "What is wrong with you?" "What is wrong with you?" "What is the problem?" "That I might actually just be enjoying myself, ...?" "I'm not doing anything wrong." "Whatever it is that you think is going on is not going on." "That's part of your problem is that you're so fucking insecure." "What?" "Just leave me alone." "Sorry." "I'm sorry." "It's him." "What?" "It's him." "No." "No." "It is him." "No, it's not." "It's you." "I can see it is him." "Edgar...it's you." "You're insecure." "I can fucking see it." "Don't." "I can see it." "I can see it." "Stop it." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to do that." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Funny piece of music." "I can't get..." "I can't get it out of my head." "I'll stop." "I'll stop." "I don't have to do this, I told you." "This was your idea." "Yeah." "You brought this idea to me." "Yes." "And I wanted to do it, but I don't have to do it." "I want you to do it." "No." "I don't have to do it." "It's not like I'm starting a career again." "It's been fun." "I, I don't..." "But why not?" "It's making me go crazy." "Has the music..." "has that ever happened to you?" "As a musician, I mean as a musician, has that ever happened to you where it just... where it just, like, kills you?" "It just, like, just goes into your head just like a fucking drill." "Just like...just like consumes who you are, your spirit." "No?" "No?" "Mm-mm." "No?" "Can't you just stop talking about it?" "You know what?" "I want it to be unobtrusive." "I don't want it to be, like, front and center." "With a bucket?" "Yeah...with a big bucket." ".., um, first of all, I'd like to thank all of you for coming today." "Uh, I know that many of you have traveled considerable distances to be here, some from as far afield as other parts of Beverly Hills." "And I'd especially like to thank Edgar Hudson and his foundation for hosting this lunch here in his tiny garden behind his cramped and run-down home." "And for those of you who don't know him well," "Edgar is wealthy and cultured." "He has a beautiful wife and two unbelievably sweet kids." "I swear to God, I just want you to know how much we all hate you." "Money is energy, and energetically all of you are here because you want to do something to help someone else in need." "I thanked him for the pleasure he had given me and said a final good-bye." "Everything was fine." "My Wife and I were both very pleased with the Way the evening had gone, and We'd never see him again." "Look, I don't want to be an asshole and say I told you so..." "Excuse me, I'm so sorry." "I have Elinore on line one." "Um...tell her I'll call her." "I know, I know she called, I know she called several times." "Tell her I'll call her back." "Don't worry about it." "Look, like I was saying, I'm not trying to be an asshole and say I told you so, but there's only so much I can do." "I'm on your mandate." "I'm on Elinore's mandate." "You, you have to go up there." "I can't do it." "What's, what's, what's gonna happen to the school if there's a delay?" "Well, we'll lose the trust of the local government, for one thing, which was hard won." "Right." "I don't know..." "I don't know if they'll let us back in after, you know." "Darling, hi." "Um, I'm not gonna be able to make the symphony tonight." "Why don't you invite a friend?" "Um, or, hey, why don't you invite Aiden?" "I, you know, he's, he's, um, leaving tonight, so I'm sure he's gonna be going out with his friends and painting the town red." "All right, all right." "Well, see if you can find a friend." "Otherwise, cancel the tickets." "I'm gonna be back in a couple of days." "I've got to do some damage control with sis." "All right?" "No, it's all- Everything's fine." "I'll call, I'll call you on my travels." "All right, all right, bye." "After having said good-bye to my Wife in the best and most tranquil of moods," "I headed up north to see my sister." "She was bent out of shape about the school in Sierra Leone and ultimately she controlled the family foundation, but I was confident I could placate her." "Airport." "We are currently at Homeland Security threat level orange." "He can call me, but I may have my phone switched off, in which case he can leave a message and I'll call him back." "All right..." "I'll talk to you soon." "Bye." "You can almost see the bridge from here." "Oh, yeah." "Are you married?" "Yes, I am." "Please leave a message and I'll call you back." "At the tone, please record your message..." "Are you?" "I was." "Hi, darling, it's me." "I got your text." "I was just, um, interested to see who the mystery date was." "Um, call me." "I'm, I'm on my phone." "Thanks, bye." "This text was a bit of a surprise." "Its whole tone seemed forced to me." "I could feel myself starting to spiral again, but I checked my emotions." "I was being ridiculous." "Nothing could be more normal than her taking a trip to the theater." "What was your name again?" "Dave." "Dave Sizemore." "Dave Sizemore?" "Sizemore Cars." "Oh, it's your own service?" "Yes." "Well, congratulations." "Thank you." "What do you do?" "Which explained why we couldn't get on the bridge, and they were on the other side, the side which looks out to the sea..." "Right." "Right, right, right." "It's one of those landmarks, you know?" "You, you have to go to it if you live..." "Don't you think it's strange?" "You live somewhere, and normally the tourist place in the area is the place that you never go to." "Yes." "I mean, you live in Los Angeles, right?" "Yes." "Have you ever been to Disneyland?" "Far too many times." "That's not a good example." "That's a bad one." "The Robin Williams gag?" "You know, how like there's a voice on the side of the tunnel saying, "No black people beyond this point"" "because it's Marin-so white." "Really, people here are just much more pretentious, 'cause it's actually quite provincial around here." "Do you know what I mean?" ".You think that the women here are, are going to be smarter, but really they're not." "They're even-you know, they may be wearing sensible shoes..." "Edgar" "You're looking thin." "Lost some weight." "I try to work out." "Really?" "The trail was smooth, the light was bright, and the air was clear and pure." "I really enjoyed the ride." "I forgot the terrible thing that awaited me... or maybe I knew only too Well Where I was headed, and was saying a last good-bye to the joys of life." "Did y'all have a good ride?" "Yeah, we did." "But this tranquility, this ability to deny the awful truth, evaporated as soon as the ride was over." "Feel your back?" "A little wobbly in the legs." "Well, if you only stayed up here for a little while... we could get you fit." "They got a workout, didn't they." "Yeah, they did." "'Cause this is the first..." "hottest day ever." "Who's a good girl?" "Here, Edgar, I'll take that." "Thank you." "Fresh mint." "God, listen to those frogs." "Yeah." "Look." "You think they're fucking?" "Yes." "So, Edgar, I've been wanting to talk to you." "Why are you sending funds to Sierra Leone?" "Seems like a worthy cause." "It's, uh, schools, books, clothes, children." "Uh-huh." "We agreed that these investments were going into medical... medical investments, not about saving starving children." "And if you want to talk about starving children," "I'll talk to you about starving children." "There are starving children all over Los Angeles, all over California." "There's a lot of rural poverty going on here..." "Well, we can try to take care of them too." "Plus which, you don't seem to have a passion for it." "You don't seem to really have a, an enthusiasm for it." "You seem...quiet and withdrawn and thin and kind of, if you'll forgive me, dull." "I, I'm searching for you, and I don't know who you are." "You don't feel like my brother." "You don't feel like the brother that I had fun with." "I don't want to beat you up, but it's like talking to a fucking wall." "I love you, Edgar." "I'm worried about you." "You want to tell me what's going on?" "I really hate it when you shut me out, you know that?" "I had a friend, you know, who was suicidal." "I asked her to come down to the beach with me, and she was very reluctant." "Didn't want to go to the beach." "She didn't want to go to the beach because it was a bright summer's day and there were about 30,000 people on the beach, if not more." "Maybe 300,000." "I don't know what 30,000 looks like." "And we were walking along the sand, and I was shouting at her," ""Look up!" "Look up!"" "and she was walking along the sand, looking at her own feet." "That's what you're doing." "And there are 300- or 30,000 other people out there, all of them, you know, with their own problems and... they're all putting on their sun block and looking after their children and making sand castles and living lives," "and you're looking at your feet." "I just hope you're talking to someone." "'Cause from where I sit... that looks like a lonely seat." "It all started up again." ""How often I've tortured myself like this, "l said to myself." "Yet every time, it was a false alarm." "Please leave a message and I'll call you back..." "Thanks." "At the tone, please record your message." "Hello, honey." "Hi." "Hi, it's me." "Just wondering where you were." "Just trying to reach you." "Suppose you've already gone to the...to the theater." "All right, talk to you later." "Bye." "Where the hell is she?" "Fucking bitch." "Fucking bitch, fucking bitch." "I hear you." "I hear you." "Believe me, I've had more years of my life ruined by women who I thought were great... than, than years when I've felt happy." "You just can't get happy." "There is no way you can really please a woman." "As men, we try our hardest, and in many ways, we think that we're the ones in control, but the truth is, we're not in control at all." "We're in control of nothing!" "Absolutely nothing!" "It's women who are in control of everything, but it's an insidious way of controlling." "It's kind of, you wake up one morning, and you suddenly realize you have been totally fucking pussy-whipped." "To be honest, I feel like a dickhead just talking about this." "It's all right." "You're probably... you're probably right, Dave." "And you might as well be dead." "And that's what they want anyway." "Do you want me to pull over?" "No, I'm fine." "So, once you've realized that, you think to yourself," ""What am I doing?" "What am I doing?" "I might as well just be going out and getting a hooker."" "The only thing is is I'm married to a hooker, and I'm not likely to get syphilis, gonorrhea, AIDS, or you know, my cock won't drop off, because I'm married to her." "Now you're laughing." "See, that's what I wanted." "Yeah." "I wanted to cheer you up, and I've cheered you up." "You feel better?" "Thank you, David, thank you." "Thank you." "I feel better too." "I feel better that you feel better." "I really feel so glad and relieved to see you laughing, but I tell you what you do need to do tonight, and it was something that somebody helped me with when I was feeling down in this town." "Do you want to know?" "Sure." "There are some really great pubs here." "It's really down to earth." "You pay a certain amount of money for a lap dance." "It's like buying a raffle ticket." "In Britain they call them raffle tickets, you know, village fetes and things like that?" "Buy these little tickets, and you buy, oh, a ticket that's, you know, for like 15 bucks you get a lap dance," "60 bucks you get a blow job" "It's like 300 bucks, you get the whole thing, and it's so tasteful, people from Japan use it." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, it's great." "I don't think that's..." "It may not be to your taste, but..." " I don't think so." " No?" "We've been told a lie, all of us." "We've been told sex is good, sex is fun, sex is all you need." "Is it?" "Look into my soul... and look at the devils that are tearing it apart." "Now tell me it's all so fucking Wonderful." "Hi, Ginger, it's Edgar." "How are you?" "Very good, thank you." "Good, good." "Um, when did she leave?" "Uh...around 6:30?" "Who'd she leave with?" "Aiden, I think." "All right." "All right, Ginger, thanks." "Sorry I missed your call." "Please leave a message." "Hello." "Hi." "Is she back yet?" "No, um, she called." "She'll be back around 11:15." "Oh." "All right." "I'll, I'll talk to you tomorrow." "Thanks." "Sorry I missed your call." "Please leave a message and I'll call you back." "Sorry I missed your call." "I was cold." "My jaw started to shake" "My teeth rattled." "I shuffled forward mechanically." "What were my thoughts?" "What did I Want?" "I've absolutely no idea." "All I knew was that some terrible and very important event was about to take place in my life." "Oh..." "I could hardly breathe." "So here it Was, for real." "No imagination." "I had a strange feeling of joy that my pain was about to end, that I'd be able to give my hatred free rein." "And indeed I did." "I became a Wild beast, a ferocious and cunning Wild beast." "It was almost... an out-of-body experience." "I acted precisely, unhurriedly, but Without Wasting a moment and with only one outcome in view." "Lexi and Desi?" "When people tell you that they don't remember what they did when they were in a mad fit of rage... don't believe a Word of it." "It's, it's all lies, bullshit." "I remembered everything afterward, and I've never stopped remembering it, not for one millisecond." "The more steam my rage got up, the more brilliantly some kind of light flared up inside me, making me hyper conscious of every detail." "Edgar" "Edgar" "No..." "HO... no!" "Ohh!" "Looking at her battered face, for the first time I forgot about myself, my... injured pride." "For the first time I saw her as a, as a human being." "And so insignificant did all that had hurt me and made me jealous now seem, and so terrible what I'd done, and I realized that I'd never know" "Whether or not she had been unfaithful, and Worse, it didn't even matter any more." "Is that blood?" "Forgive me..." "I have to tell you something..."