"Three, two..." "One, lunchtime!" " Yeah!" " All righty." "All right!" "Who's ready to hit up that new food truck again?" "No, no, no." "That's not a food truck." "That's a guy selling bunless hot dogs out of the back of a van." "Are you guys talking about van dogs?" " Yeah." " Yeah." " Yeah?" " You in or you out, girl?" "Um, I would love to, but Brody and I are going to lunch." "Oh, where has he been?" "I haven't seen that guy in weeks." "Yeah." "You know, you're right, Derrick." "It has been amazing." "Harvard, he's just been really busy lately." "But he's still the sweetest, most thoughtful guy..." "Oh!" "That son of a bitch canceled on me again." "Now that it's finally over, I feel like I can tell you" "I never really cared for him." "Oh, my God, you guys!" "He made me a video." "♪ When I see your face" "♪ There's not a thing that I would change ♪" "♪ 'Cause you're amazing" "♪ Just the way you are" "How sweet!" "Oh..." "Oh, big deal." "I could sing like that, too, if I had a good voice." " Why is he on the toilet?" "Is he pooping?" " No!" "The bathroom's the only place he can sneak away." "Yeah, that's cool." "If I sung like that, I would poop all day." "He is not pooping, okay?" "His childhood dream was to be a singer, and he even had a music teacher that told him he was good enough." "So?" "I had a teacher who told me I could be a model." "He even took pictures of me in my underwear to prove it." "Can you forward me that video, please?" " Yeah, me, too." "I really love that song." " No, you guys, that's private." "Guys, guys, guys." "Why would a typing teacher need pictures of me in my underwear?" "So van dogs." " Van dogs!" " We eating'!" " Jenny, you forgot..." " Your phone." "Brody, say hello to YouTube." "You were supposed to forward me those numbers!" "I can't forward you those numbers until Kyle forwards them to me." " Kyle!" " I can't take this anymore, guys!" "Oh, this might be it." " Oh, this is good." " Are those the numbers?" "Mnh-mnh." "It's something called "Potty Pavarotti."" "No, you might wanna check this out." "♪ When I see your face" "♪ There's not a thing that..." "Oh, no, no, no." "No, no, no, no." "Do not forward that, please." "No, no, no." "I would never..." "Again." "♪ When I see your face" "Okay, let's go." "Let's hand it over." "Very, very funny." "We're all laughing." "♪ When I see your face" "Oh, every..." "everyone's a comedian now." "All right." "I understand what's going on." "Oh, wonderful." " ♪ When I see your face" " Oh, Kyle, you, too." "Wonderful." "What am I doing?" "I'm trying to stop the Internet with my hands." " What the hell's going on out here?" " Uh, it's just a funny video, sir." "Well, show it to me." "I could use a good rib tickling." "I don't think you'll like it, sir." "I wanna be tickled." "Who wants to tickle me?" "Mr. Wen?" "Mr. McCormick?" "Potty Pavarotti?" " How did you..." " You've gone viral, son." "And, Mr. Moyer, you have the voice of an angel." "Get me those numbers." "♪ When I see your face..." "Season 1, Episode 5 "Take Me Out to the Ballgame"" "Jenny?" "Well, well, well, well, well." "If it isn't Depeche Commode." "New Kid on the Pot." "I suppose you're wondering who came up with the diabolical plan to spread this virus of humiliation around the world." "It was obviously you." "That was a dramatic pause." "'Twas I." "Nobody cares, man." "Well, why don't you tell that to the 42,345 people who have witnessed you at your lowest moment, turd eye blind?" "Listen to this scathing comment." " "Not bad."" " Hmm." " "Cute."" " Huh." ""Where can I buy this?"" "Damn it!" " Hey, babe." " Hey." "I am so, so sorry about that video." "'Twas Harvard." " How was work?" " Oh, my God." "It was insane." "By 7:30, the deal was dead, so Mansfield gets on the phone to Singapore." "I get on the phone to Frankfurt." "I took a Bissell German in college." "Anyway, long story long, by the time Threepeat talked Kyle off Mansfield's balcony, the deal was saved, and here I am." "I love my job!" "I love it so much!" "Okay." "Let's put that coffee down." "And it's empty, which would explain why you're vibrating." "Which might actually be a lot of fun for me if we were spending any time together." "Okay." "Look, I-I know that I've been busy lately, but the deal has to close by Sunday night, and Monday's a holiday, so I will be all yours." "And I know exactly what I'm gonna do with you." " Oh, I think I do, too." " Mm-hmm." " Baseball game." " Sex-a-thon..." "Baseball game." "My Diamondbacks versus your Giants..." "Just you, me, and the greatest team in the National League." "Plus the Diamondbacks will be there." "Your team is so getting spanked." "Oh, sorry." "Crap." "That's Mansfield." "Something's going on with the deal." "What's going on with the deal?" "What's the deal?" "Oh, my God!" "I love my job so much!" "All right, team." "Bring it in." "Let's take a knee." "Oh, sir, this is a new Prada suit, so..." "Now I just got off the phone with Singapore, and it looks like this deal is going to close." "This is a place of business." "I'll tell you when you can cheer." "And you cheer!" "Now we have a lot of hard work in front of us, but when we do close, you will be rewarded." "Won't somebody cheer?" "Because Remington Trust is the best damn team in this business." "Give me a cheer." "Because I'm gonna take you to see the best damn baseball team in the business..." "The San Francisco Giants..." "From the best damn luxury suite money can buy, and this is all gonna happen Monday." "Monday!" "Or Tuesday works better for some people." "Monday it is!" "Okay, everybody has off Monday for the holiday, but I do need two volunteers to help keep the building open." "Oh, yeah, that's a "Hell, no" from me, okay?" "I've watched too many horror movies, and the lone black guy in the empty office building..." "He's gonna die." "Hey, Tori, can you work Monday?" " Yeah." "What the hell." " I'll do it, too." "Hey, you." "Oh, hey, babe." "So bad news." "The Giants game's sold out on Monday." "Oh, no!" "But I went online and got us tickets!" "Oh, awesome." "I'm so psyched." "Now are they the best seats?" "No." " But are they the worst seats?" " Yes." "Oh." "Wow." "You wanna hear something funny?" " Yeah." " You're gonna laugh." "I love to laugh, so..." " So to reward us for our hard work..." " Mm-hmm?" "Mansfield bought the luxury suite for Monday's game." "It's the same game we're supposed to go to." "So are you telling me that you're gonna bail on me on your one day off of work to spend more time with your boss?" "Not now, I'm not." "Sir, can I talk to you for a second?" "Brody, what in the hell are you doing?" "I'm sorry." "Your assistant told me that you were in here, so..." "You're violating steam room etiquette." "You understand?" "You enter a steam room the exact same way you enter the world... naked." "Gotcha." "So..." "I wanted to talk to you about the baseballs..." "Uh, the baseball game on Monday." "Oh, it's gonna be a good one, isn't it?" "You are a, uh, fellow Giants fan, I trust." " The biggest." " Oh." "Now about that, I..." "I just gave $250,000 to the Giants' charity." "Okay, well, I have a Willie Mays bubblehead doll, so..." "You know, I've been blessed with two very lovely daughters, neither of which has the slightest bit of interest in baseball, so it's always been a dream of mine to have a son who might like to go to a couple games with me." "Yeah..." "So funny story." "You wanna laugh?" " No." " Oh, excellent." "So, um..." "Turns out that Jenny already bought us tickets to the same game." "That's a crime." "I hope you let her down easy." "Well, I tried, but..." "You know how girls get hurt when you tell them you can't do something with them?" "Are you saying you..." "You don't wanna go to the game with me?" "No, no, of c... of course not." "It's just that..." "'Cause I'll be darned, it sounded like you said you don't wanna go to the game with me." "I'm not saying that at all." "I'm just saying," "I haven't really spent a lot of time with Jenny recently, so..." "How in God's name could you bail on your team like this?" " Come on." "Don't be like that." " Don't tell me how to be." "Mr. Moyer, look." "Do you know why we work so very hard to close these deals?" " The money...?" " Of course it's the money." "After the money, there's the camaraderie." "Just like when the pack gets themselves an antelope, and afterwards, everyone celebrates." "I mean, everyone but the antelope, of course." "Just need to get a signature on these invoices." " Why the hell are you naked?" " Uh, steam room etiquette...?" " Bend over." "Nice and deep." " All right." "What are you looking at?" "Just something that I'll see for the rest of my life every time I close my eyes." "Quit making this weird." "Sir, I could probably talk to Jenny again." "Oh, no, you made your choice." "There will be no antelope for you." "We're gonna have fun without you." "Young man, how would you like a free ticket to the company luxury suite for a Giants baseball game?" "Is this some sort of Machiavellian ploy to punish Brody?" "You're damn right it is." "Are you in or out?" "In." "Of course I'm in." "This is gonna be awesome." "Some quality time to bond with Mansfield." "Oh, Kyle, real talk?" "I don't think Mansfield knows your name." "Who's ready for baseball?" "Everybody gets a glove." "Mr. McCormick." "Mr. Wen." "Sport." "Attention, capitalist pigs." "I am here ironically." "I have no interest in indulging in your bourgeois idea of luxury." "Is that your own private carvery?" "It's ridiculous." "What do you expect us to pay for this orgy of indulgence?" "It's free, man." "I will take two of all the things you have here." "Kill another cow." "I don't care." "You know, this seat's not taken." "Why don't you sit here?" "Uh... it's just that Brody normally sits next to you." "Brody's not here, is he?" "Come on." "Scooch over." "Okay." "You a, uh, you a Giants fan?" "Oh." "Yeah." "The biggest." "Getting killed today, though." "Game hasn't started yet." "Oh, good." "We're still in it, then." " Okay." "I'm gonna..." " I'm right here." "And you're two rows up, unless you wanna switch." "No, no, I'll be fine." "I'll send up a flare when I get there." "Get ready to have a fun day, just you and me." "Mwah." "Oh, I've already forgotten about work." "How about a big Giants welcome for our special guests today?" "Remington Trust." "The road to a better life begins at Remington." "It's pretty good up here, too." "What do we have here?" "So..." "Hey, looks like I got that middle seat there, just between you guys." "No, you know what?" "Uh..." "There we go." "Sorry." "Real quick." "Hey, we're on the same team." "And I'm in." "Great." "And now please rise for our National Anthem." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Yeah!" "Check me out." "I'm Hawaiian Wolverine." "Huh?" "No." "So jaded." "God." "You guys are in a wonderland." "We've all been given a golden ticket to Wonka's Factory." "The only thing missing is..." "Is that a fountain of chocolate?" "!" "All right." "Hey, how'd you get that guy to switch seats?" "Oh, I asked him nicely." " And then I took him on a little trip..." " To Cleave-land." "Oh, Cleave-land is so beautiful this time of year." "Are you watching the game on your phone?" "No, it's just Threepeat's Instagram." "He keeps posting pictures of what's going on in the luxury suite." "Who cares what's going on in the luxury suite?" "Oh, I certainly don't." "I'm just happy that Threepeat's finally getting some quality time with Mansfield." "In the seat that I usually sit in." "Close enough, Threepeat?" "Why don't you hop in his lap?" "Ha ha ha." "I'm laughing at it, though." "Babe, come on." "You're here with me." "It's a beautiful day." " We're just outside of Cleave-land." " You're right." "You're right, you're right, you're right." "That's gotta be crab legs, right?" "They couldn't have flown in lobster." "Ah, who cares?" "You know, the truth is, I never really got into baseball because it's more of a father/son game." "You know, my dad was more into individual sports like tennis and golf and withholding affection." "Oh, I think every boy should learn about baseball." "It encompasses everything I love..." "High salaries, statistical analysis, and those tiny batting helmets that they say are just for kids under 12, but of course, I say that's bullshit." "Well... you know, sir, I've always wanted to learn how to throw a curvy ball." "Curveball's a very meager commodity." "It's all about the grip." "Take a hold of that and get your finger across the lace and... when you release it, pull the trigger." "You pull the trigger." "How does that feel?" " That feels like a family." " Attaboy." " Maybe we should have a catch sometime." " Oh, I want that so bad." "Oh, God." "Oh." "Young man, is that chocolate that you're drinking?" "Yeah, yeah, and there's a whole fountain of it right back there." "It's making me a little sick, but I'm powering right through it." "Score some points!" "But now I am 100% totally yours." " After I go to the bathroom." " Didn't you just go?" "Yeah, but you keep making me chug my beer every time the Diamondbacks score a run." " Speaking of that..." " Damn it!" "Guys, word of warning..." "Do not dip the turkey leg in chocolate." "It is disgusting and..." "Highly addictive." "Look who's here." "Brody, Brody, Brody!" "Mr. Moyer." "What are you doing here?" "I just came down to say hi and just pop back up." "Well, you've said hi." "You've come down." "Now you can pop up." "Oh, well, well, well." "How does it feel to be on the outside?" "Pressing your face against the glass, watching us eat our Turkey and chocolate..." "Knowing that you will never be the center of attention ever again?" " Oh!" " I got it!" "I got it!" "Brody just caught that ball with his bare hands!" " Yeah!" " Brody!" "Brody!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God." "Son, tell it again, won't ya?" "Okay." "So I heard the crack of the bat." "I saw the ball out of the corner of my eye, and then boom!" "Pure reflex." "And fun fact..." "I'm right-handed, but I caught the ball with my left." "I love this game!" "I love this game so much!" "Uh, but you know what?" "I actually do have to get back to..." " Jenny." " Exactly." "Oh." "Jenny." "I caught you a ball." "Oh, my gosh, Brody." "Thank you so much!" "Oh, it hit the guy I threw up on." "Well, I'm sorry to interrupt, everyone." " Enjoy the rest of the game." " Wait, Jenny, Jenny." "You know what?" "Look, if you're gonna sneak around on me, at least have the decency to do it with a really hot chick, not a 50-year-old guy." "Okay." "Look, I was not sneaking around." "I just came down here for a minute to celebrate with my team, but I was gonna come right back up to you, and then I caught the ball with my weak hand." "Look, Brody, I know that work comes first." "I get it." "But on your one day off, I, uh..." "I wish that I at least made, like, the top five." "Hey, you do." "You're more than that." "I... just look, why don't we go up to our seats right now?" "Oh." "Oh, no. 'Cause they're not our seats." "They're my seats." "So I'm gonna go back to my seat and cheer for my team..." "After I take a turkey leg." "Shouldn't have come down here." "I shouldn't have lied to Jenny." "I honestly shouldn't have caught the ball with one hand." "Damn my natural athleticism." "What you shouldn't have done is hurt that little girl's feelings." "What the hell were you thinking?" "Well, you did say that it was more important to be a part of the team." "Naked men in steam rooms say a lot of things that they do not mean." "Gosh, I can't believe that she threw your foul ball back." "That's real rage." "Bless her heart." "You're gonna have to do something about it." "Yeah." "I'm gonna have to do something big." "No, you're gonna have to do something giant." "Lucky for you, I have Giant friends who owe me giant favors because these are the San Francisco Giants." "Yeah, no, I get the reference." "Good." "Save your voice." "You're gonna need it." "And now please welcome, to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame,"" "Remington Trust's own Potty Pavarotti!" "This is for Jenny." "I'll always be on your team." "No way." "♪ Take me out to the ballgame ♪" "♪ Take me out to the crowd" "♪ Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks ♪" "♪ I don't care if I ever get back ♪" "♪ 'Cause it's root, root, root for the... ♪" " ♪ D-backs - ♪ Giants" "♪ If they don't win, it's a shame ♪" "♪ 'Cause it's one, two" "♪ Three strikes, you're out at the old" "♪ Ballgame" "Go, D-backs!" "That is my boyfriend!" "That's my boy." "Okay, please just tell me the story one more time." "All right, fine, but this is the last time, okay?" "So I finished singing the song, I yelled, "Go, D-backs,"" "and then 40,000 people start booing me." "Uh, 40,000 people minus one." " Yes, I heard you cheering." " Thank you." "And then I run off the field in a blind panic and I'm pulled by the Diamondbacks manager." " Kirk Gibson." " Kirk Gibson, yes." "Who brings me into the Diamondbacks dugout, where I am high-fived by the entire team." "Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God." "Okay, now tell me my favorite part." "I'm throwing out the first pitch at the Diamondbacks home opener next year." "I love this game." "I love it so much."