"# I'll lay the dish here Ooh, là" "# To hold the fish here Ooh, là" "# The serviettes here and now the cigarettes here #" "# And matches too They mustn't complain #" "# A little candy Ooh, là" "# A little brandy Ooh, là" "# A bunch of roses to show the way we entertain #" "# And a little bottle of champagne ##" "[Man Speaking French]" "[Woman Speaking French]" "[Man Speaking French]" " [Woman Speaking French] - [French]" "[Chuckles] She's terribly jealous." "[Woman] Oh!" "Voilà" " [Chuckles, Speaks French] - [French]" " [French] - [French]" "[Man Shouting In French]" " Mon mari!" " Her husband!" "Oh." "[Gunshot]" "Paulette!" "Paulette!" "Ma Paulette!" "[Crowd Chattering]" "[Gunshot]" "Paulette!" "[French]" "[Paulette Sighing, Moaning]" "[French]" "[French]" "[French]" "S'il vous plaît." "Voilà" "[French]" "[Chattering]" "Count Renard, this scandal will be your last." "At any rate, your last in Paris." "As the ambassador of Sylvania..." "I cannot any longer permit our military attaché to disgrace the name of our illustrious country with his shameless escapades." "Your Excellency, please..." "But that is an end." "You will leave at once for Sylvania and report to Her Majesty the queen in person." "But, Your Excellency, I'm sure the stories you've heard about me are horribly... are horribly exaggerated." "Count Renard... for one week, I made it my business to follow you about personally." "Oh." "I'm sorry I didn't know it, Your Excellency." "I would have taken you to some real places." "How dare you." "I know more about you than you think." "My wife has told me everything." "You are to take the first train." "I think I had better take the first airplane." "You are going by plane, monsieur?" "Yes, Jacques." "And I've got to leave you." "You're not going to take me with you?" " I'm sorry." " But what will you do without me?" "Think how good I am at making up excuses for you." "Why, I can even imitate your voice on the telephone... and pretend you're at home to one lady... when you're really having supper with another." "Yes, Jacques." "You're a very good servant." "And you can tell lies better than anybody I know." "But I won't need you anymore." "In fact, I will probably be sent to a military prison." "But even so, you'll need me, monsieur." "Supposing someone you don't want to see calls at the prison." "Who's going to tell them you're not at home?" "I can't see how anybody could be so anxious to leave this beautiful Paris." "But, monsieur, I am a Frenchman." "And to be a Frenchman in Paris is nothing... because everyone in Paris is a Frenchman." " That's true." " But to be a Frenchman in..." " What is the name of your country?" " Sylvania." "That is different." "Why, even my stories will be new there." "I can actually tell them the one about the Frenchman and the farmer's daughter." "Oh, please, monsieur, take me to Pennsylvania." " Sylvania." " Take me to Sylvania." "All right, Jacques." "I'll take you there." "Go and pack the bags." "Oh, thank you." "Thank you, monsieur." "I am so happy." "[Barks]" "I am not." "# You'll never miss me when I'm gone Paris #" "# But I know that I'll miss you #" "# You took a lot of pains in teaching me #" "# Why must we say adieu #" "# I've seen your mild days #" "# And some of your wild days #" "# Down where the Seine flows #" "#A nd where the champagne flows #" "# You taught me all that a kiss could be #" "# Paris, your judgment was good enough for me #" "# With you each night meant the thrill of excitement #" "# Montmartre and ladies #" "# That love to raise Hades #" "# If I've been happy then you're to blame #" "# Oh, Paris please stay the same #" "# I've seen your blonde girls #" "# With beautiful blonde curls #" "# Sweet Paris daughters #" "# In all of your quarters #" "# They taught me all that a kiss could be #" "# Paris, your ladies were good enough for me #" "# I've met brunettes here #" "# And little grisettes here #" "# I've lost my station and my reputation #" "# If I've been happy then you're to blame #" "# Oh, ladies, please stay the same #" "# I'm like my master Now I'm leaving you #" "# He's sad So am I, Paris #" "# I try to follow in his footsteps too #" "# A few may remember me #" "# I've seen your mild maids #" "# I've see your wild maids #" "# Both shy and sporty #" "# Tried all under 40 #" "# They taught me all that a kiss could be #" "# Paris, your servants were good enough for me #" "## [Barking Tune]" "## [Barking Continues]" "# If I've been happy then you're to blame #" "# Oh, Paris please, stay the same ##" "Ladies and gentlemen, on your right you see the Royal Opera House." "And on my left, the residence of Her Majesty, Queen Louise I of Sylvania." "The construction of the castle was begun under Maximilian I in 1537... and finished in 1687 under Maximilian VIII." "The castle contains one of the most beautiful picture galleries in the world... and its collection of art treasures is unsurpassed." "The castle represents a value of $110 million." " [All Murmuring] - [Man] $110 million?" " [Chattering] - 110!" " [Man Shouting Orders] - ## [Drums Beating]" "Company..." " halt!" " ## [Drums Stop]" "You call that a goose step?" "Why, that isn't a chicken step!" " You blackguards!" " [Man] Lieutenant!" "Don't you realize Her Majesty is still asleep?" "Quiet here!" "Take them away." " Yes, sir." " Shh!" "[Whispers] Yes, sir." "[Whispering] Company... left... face!" "Forward... on tiptoes... march!" "[Clock Chiming]" "[Chiming Stops]" "[Buzzing]" "[Engine Droning]" "Good morning, Your Majesty." "[Women] Good morning, Your Majesty." "I'm so hopeful Your Majesty rested well." "[Sighs]" "Why am I always awakened from my dreams?" "I'm sure it was a nice dream, Your Majesty." "Oh, it was wonderful." "It was gorgeous." "[Sighs]" "Mmm." "Oh." "Mmm." "[Chuckles]" "I hope Your Majesty's dream comes true." "No." "I'm afraid it will always have to remain... a dream." "# There's a land of charm that I know #" "# Land of sweet romance where I love to go #" "# And its bounds touch my room #" "# In the gloom where the shadows creep #" "# Someone I meet there waits for me #" "# Someone tender as a lover should be #" "# And I whisper each night #" "# As I close my eyes #" "# In sleep #" "# Dream lover #" "# Fold your arms around me #" "# Dream lover your romance has found me #" "# I'm held #" "# In your spell #" "# Knowing so well #" "# Dreams never tell #" "# We two can leave the world behind us #" "# Nobody indiscreet can find us #" "# Oh, dream lover mine #" "# Secrets divine #" "# I will share them #" "# With you #" "# Dream lover fold your arms around me #" "# Dream lover your romance has found me #" "# Oh, my darling I am just longing for a love of my own #" " # Nobody indiscreet can find us # - # Nobody indiscreet can find us, I know #" "# Dream lover #" " ## [Vocalizing] - # Secrets divine #" " ## [Vocalizing] - # I will share them #" "# With you ##" "Please, Your Majesty." "Won't you tell us more about your dream?" "I'm afraid I can't." "It wasn't just exactly the sort of dream for a queen." "Was it the sort of dream for a lady-in-waiting?" "I hope not." "I had a lovely dream myself..." "about Your Majesty." "I dreamed that Your Majesty got married." "And you call that a lovely dream?" "Why not, Your Majesty?" "We all wish, we all hope, we all pray..." " that very soon Your Majesty will be..." " Married." " Yes, Your Majesty." " Marriage." "Marriage." "In all my country, nothing else is ever spoken of." "What do the children learn at school?" ""The queen is unmarried still"." "What do the papers write about?" ""Is the queen to marry?"" "What does my Parliament debate?" ""When shall the queen marry?"" "And from my ministers:" ""Whom shall the queen marry?"" "Marriage." "Marriage." "That's all I hear, morning or night." "## ["Wedding March"]" "Didn't I tell that conductor never to play the "Wedding March" again?" "But, Your Majesty, it is not the same conductor." " This is a new one." " Where's the old one?" "He is being married today." "Oh." "Oh." "Phew!" "## [Continues]" " ## [Ends] - ## [Trumpet Fanfare]" " Good morning, gentlemen." " Good morning, Your Majesty." "Well?" "Whom can you suggest today?" "For what, Your Majesty?" "For my husband." "Now don't tell me you weren't talking about it." "You're always talking about it." "We have no one to suggest, Your Majesty." "We have given the matter up." " Really?" " [Ministers] Yes, Your Majesty." "Oh, what a relief." "[Chuckles]" "Oh, how glad I am." "[Chuckles]" "And, uh... why have you given the matter up, may I ask?" " Well, uh..." " [All Clearing Throats]" " You see, it's rather difficult." " [Ministers] Very difficult." "Difficult?" "You tell me it's difficult to find a husband for me?" "[Ministers] Yes, Your Majesty." "Excuse me, Baron." "How does Her Majesty feel today?" "[Louise] And that's final, Admiral." "I certainly don't need any help from the navy." "Yes, Your Majesty." "But surely Your Majesty must realize that the field for selection is limited." "If marrying you were to make a man a king... that would be different." "But Your Majesty's husband would be simply prince consort." "After all, what is a prince consort?" "He is a gentleman with a thousand duties and no rights." " He has nothing to say, nothing to do." " Well, I wouldn't say that." "[Whispering]" "Of course, he has something to do, naturally." "And yet, uh, he has nothing to do, if you see what I mean." "I see." "He is Your Majesty's husband and nothing else." "Nothing else?" " But isn't it enough to be my husband?" " But, Your Majesty..." "It never seems to occur to you gentlemen that there might possibly be some men... who would enjoy being my husband even if I were not a queen." "My face isn't actually painful to look at." "My complexion's quite good." "And in case you're too serious-minded to notice such things... let me inform you... my legs are perfect." "There's only one other leg like that in the whole of Sylvania." "And that's it." "Do you see?" "Thank you." "I didn't see, Your Majesty." "[Whispering] How do you think I should behave?" "Should I be humble, proud, apologetic?" "Say as little as possible." "I don't think your French accent will please Her Majesty." "[Strong French Accent] Is it still very notice-able?" "No." "It's very noticeable." "[French Pronunciation] Oh." "But that's terrible." "No." "It's terrible." "How did you acquire this accent?" "[Chuckles] I'll tell you." "Once, in Paris, I had an awful cold." "I went to see a great French doctor to cure it." "I rang the bell." "The door was opened by a lady." " Mm-hmm." " A beautiful lady." "Mm-hmm." "The doctor's wife." "[No Audible Dialogue]" "And in less than a month..." "I had lost my cold... but I had a terrific French accent." "[Louise] And if I'm talked to like this again, I'll dissolve the cabinet." " [Minister] Yes, Your Majesty." " I'll dismiss the whole general staff." " [Minister #2] Yes, Your Majesty." " And if that band... plays the "Wedding March"once more..." " I'll give orders to shoot!" " [Ministers] Yes, Your Majesty." "I'm sorry, Count." "You're next." " What do you want?" " Count Alfred Renard..." "Your Majesty's military attaché at Your Majesty's embassy in Paris." "Ordered home for an audience with Your Majesty." " You'll have to wait." " Yes, Your Majesty." " What do you want?" " Count Alfred Renard..." "Your Majesty's military attaché at Your Majesty's embassy in Paris." "Ordered home for an audience with Your Majesty." " Didn't I tell you to wait?" " Yes, Your Majesty." " Then wait." " Yes, Your Majesty." "Count." "Count Alfred, I understand you've been seriously involved... in a disgraceful affair with a woman." "No, Your Majesty." "With several." "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" "Yes, Your Majesty." "[Both Chuckling]" "I don't think it's funny." "I think it's serious." "Very serious." " And I shall have to punish you." " Yes, Your Majesty." " I shall have to punish you very severely." " Yes, Your Majesty." "Otherwise you'd start all over again." "[Chuckles] Yes!" "I shall think of a punishment that will cure you forever." "An awful punishment." "Let me see." "An awful punishment." "You shall be ordered... to grow a beard." " A beard, Your Majesty?" " Yes." "That will stop all your philandering." "You'll have to be serious in a beard." "And am I to be permitted to attend Your Majesty after the beard is grown?" "Certainly." "I shall want to see that my instructions have been obeyed." "Then I fear Your Majesty will regret the order." "I look terrible in a beard." " Really?" " Oh, dreadful." "[Chuckles] Of course, there are men who look fine in beards, like sheiks." " Well, yes." "That's what I thought." " But I don't." " No?" " Oh!" "Oh, I grew one once to see." "Ah, it came out all red and scraggly." "Oh, no." "No, I assure Your Majesty... it would be the most awful-looking beard in Sylvania." "And... [Chuckles] That's saying a great deal." " Well, then don't grow it." " No, Your Majesty." " Don't do it." " No, no, Your Majesty." " No beard." " No, no, Your Majesty." " You promise me." " My word of honor." "But what can I do with you?" "I've got to punish you." "May I make a suggestion?" "You want to suggest a punishment for yourself?" "Yes." "Of course." "Please." "Well, tell me." "If I were in Your Majesty's place..." "I would say this:" ""Count Alfred..." ""the sort of life you've been leading must stop." "You shall not return to Paris"." "Very good." "Then I would say:" " "Alfred"..." " Hmm?" ""Count Alfred, you shall stay here..." ""in the palace..." ""attached to me." "And from morning till night, never dare to leave my side"." "And you call that a punishment?" " [Chuckles]" " You're the most impudent man I've ever met." "You seem to forget you're talking to your queen." "[Rings]" "Count Alfred will dine with me tonight." "At 8:00?" "Yes, Your Majesty." " White uniform." " [Chuckles]" "Yes, Your Majesty." "You understand?" "Oh, yes, I understand." "# With such a bad report of you I wonder what I ought to do with you #" "# You really can't be too severe when my regret is so sincere #" "# And true #" "# If you were on probation #" "# Could I depend on you #" "# To make you think more kindly #" "# Let me obey you blindly #" "# You mean you'd really do #" "# Anything to please the queen #" "# Everything to please the queen #" "# Morning, noon and night #" "# I'm yours to command me #" "# You want me good Then I'll be good #" "# You want me bad Then I'll be bad #" "# I mean, I could be both #" "# If you demand me #" "# Understand me #" "# What if I demand your head #" "# Perhaps you'd like my arms instead #" "# I've lost my head the moment I saw you smile #" "# Remember you're on trial #" "# Will you do as I advise #" " # Madame, you will be surprised # - # You mean #" "# Anything to please the queen #" "# Anything to please the queen #" "# Everything to please the queen #" "# Morning, noon and night #" "# I'm yours to command me #" "# You want me cold Then I'll be cold #" "# You want me bold Then I'll be bold #" "# I'll be bold or cold or hot #" "# As you demand me #" "# Understand me #" "# You'll keep watch all day for me #" "# A good night watchman I will be # [Chuckles]" "# I've learned that duty in Paris You leave it to me #" "# You'd better wait and see We shall find how good you are #" "# I've had no complaints so far #" " # You mean # - # Anything to please the queen #" "# Anything to please the queen ##" "Perhaps you didn't quite follow me, Count." "You're invited for dinner, not for tea." "I followed Your Majesty perfectly." "Hmm." "Too perfectly, I'm afraid." "Remember. 8:00." "8:00." "Oh, Count." "Don't forget." "No beard." "Oh, no, Your Majesty." "# Anything to please the queen Everything to please the queen #" "# Morning, noon and night I'm yours to command ##" "[Bell Tolling]" "[Tolling Continues]" "[Jacques] Just a minute, monsieur." "In case some lady should telephone, am I to say you have a date with the queen?" " No lady will telephone." " But if?" "Impossible." "There is no telephone." "[Laughs]" "Do you know the story of the Frenchman and the farmer's daughter?" "I know it." "I am the Frenchman." "You are not." "How do you know?" "I am the farmer's daughter." "Go home." "Are you talking to me or to the dog?" " Is this your animal?" " Yes." "Then take it away." "Don't you see it is eating out of the same dish as the queen's dog?" "Listen here." "If my master's good enough to have dinner with the queen... then his dog can eat dinner with the queen's dog." " So, that's your master." " Yes." " That naughty boy from Paris?" " Yes." "Do you know why the queen has invited him for dinner?" "Because the king's away." "There is no king." " She hasn't got a husband?" " No." "Oh." "Now I know why she invited him." "[Whispered Chattering]" "But, gentlemen, even if she liked him, would he be eligible to become the prince consort?" "Why, absolutely." "His great grandfather was the illegitimate son of one king... and his grandmother the sweetheart of another." " Oh." " [All Murmuring]" "I had no idea that he came from such a distinguished family." "And do you think Her Majesty is serious?" "Why, how can you doubt it?" "The first time she sees him, she invites him to dine with her alone." " And if it goes on at this rate..." " Then we're entitled to the highest hopes." " [Chattering]" " Shh!" "They're coming." "They sit down." "They are seated." "She smiles at him." "He smiles at her." "They both smile... at each other!" "At each other?" "[Murmuring]" " She is laughing." " That's the way they always start." "And how she laughs." "He must have told her the story of the Frenchman and the farmer..." "The lackey is bringing in champagne." " Now they are clinking glasses." " [Murmuring]" " She drinks his health." " [Murmuring]" "He drinks hers." "He tells her, "This is the most beautiful moment of my life"." "How do you know that he does?" "You can't hear anything." " What else could he say?" " [Chattering]" "They've opened the window." "What does it mean?" " The queen is warm." " The champagne." "No." "It's him." "She's going to her boudoir." "She opens the door." "[Whispering]" " She enters the boudoir." " Heavens!" "She beckons to him." "He enters." "[Chattering Excitedly]" "She closes the door behind them!" "Heaven save the queen!" "You know, Count... this is the first time I've ever dined with a man alone." "And this is the first time I have ever..." "Don't lie." "The first time I ever dined with a queen." "But with women?" "[Chuckles]" "Of course." "[Chuckles]" "Of course I have dined with women." "These dinners in Paris... were charming?" "Yes." "[Chuckles]" "The food in Paris is very, very good." "And the ladies?" "Oh..." "[Chuckles Nervously, Mumbles]" "Well, I feel, by comparison... it must be very dull... dining with a queen." "It would be the most delightful experience of my life... dining with a queen, if..." " If?" " If one... could forget..." "That I am a queen." "Yes." "Very well." "Forget it." "I am no longer Queen Louise I of Sylvania... but a woman." "A mere woman." "And you're meeting me for the first time." "What would you do?" "Oh." "[Chuckles]" "What would you do?" "Hello, Louise." "[Chuckles]" "All this the first time you meet?" "Yes." "Oh." "Oh, but if it's like this at first... what can be left for later?" "Plenty." "If she appeals to you... and if you find out that you love her... oh, there's plenty left..." " if she were like..." " Like?" "If she were like..." "# Loves I have known are buried in the past #" "# They couldn't last with you #" "# None of them could ever hold me fast #" "# In the way you do #" "# Yet their memories seem to cling to me #" "# Something from each one you bring to me #" "# Eyes of Lizette #" "# Smile of Mignonette #" "# The sweetness of Suzette #" "# In you displayed #" "# Grace of Delphine #" "# Charm ofJosephine #" "# The cuteness of Pauline #" "# In you arrayed #" "# Those other charms #" "# With yours need not be told #" "# No other arms but yours could ever hold me #" "# Lips of Lucille #" "# Beauty of Camille #" "# You are my ideal #" "# My love parade #" "# Eyes of Lizette #" "# Smile of Mignonette #" "# The sweetness of Suzette #" "# That's in you, displayed #" "# Delphine #" "#Josephine #" "# Pauline # [Chuckles]" "# That's in you, arrayed #" "# Those other charms #" "# With yours need not be told #" "# No other arms but yours could ever hold me #" "# Lucille #" "# Camille #" "# You are my ideal #" "# My love parade #" "# Living in the shadow of a throne #" "# I've gone my lonely way #" "# But I have a love that's all my own #" "# To bestow someday #" "# Still I'm glad to know you find in me #" "# All the charms you love #" "# Combined in me #" " # Eyes of # - # Lizette #" " # Smile of # - # Mignonette #" " # The sweetness of # - # Suzette #" "# In me arrayed #" " # Grace of # - # Delphine #" " # Charms of # - #Josephine #" " # The cuteness of # - # Pauline #" "# In me displayed #" "# Those other charms #" "# With yours need not be told #" "# No other arms but yours could ever hold me #" "# Lips of Lucille #" "# Beauty of Camille #" " # I'm your ideal # - # You are my ideal #" " # Your love parade ## - # My love parade ##" "Go now." "No." "I want you to go." "No." "Please." "Alfred." "Yes." "Louise!" "# You are my ideal #" " # My love parade ## - # Love parade ##" "## [Piano:" "Notes Strike]" "[Chattering]" "[Louise] ## We two can see the world behind us #" "# Nobody indiscreet can find us #" "# Oh, dream lover mine#" "# Secrets divine #" "# I will share them #" "## With you #" "[All] # Dream lover #" "# Fold your arms around me #" "# Dream lover#" "# Your romance has found me #" "[Louise] # I'm held in your spell #" "# K nowing so well #" "## We'll never tell #" "[All] # We two #" "# Can leave the world behind us #" "# Nobody indiscreet #" "# Can find us #" "[Louise] # Oh, dream lover mine #" "# Secrets divine #" "[All, With Louise] # I will share them #" "# With you ##" "## ["Wedding March"]" "## [Continues]" "## [Ends]" "## [Whistling]" " Stop." "Stop that whistling." " ## [Stops]" " It's unlucky." " Yes, Your Majesty." "And don't call me Your Majesty." "I'm not a king." "Oh, but you'll be a sensation." "Everyone will applaud when you enter the throne room." "[Chuckles] Nonsense." "I feel sure you'll run away with the wedding." "Now, how do I look?" "I don't like that medal." "[Chuckles] What's the matter with it?" "The man looks cross-eyed." "Cross-eyed?" "King Stanislaus XXII cross-eyed?" "[Chuckles] Oh, no." "No." "That can't be." "That was never taught at school." "Still looks cross-eyed." "[Chuckles] Maybe..." "Maybe it's a silly superstition... but each time I have seen a cross-eyed man..." "I've had bad luck." "To me, it's even worse than whistling." "[Knocking]" "Come in." "Her Majesty is ready." "Just a minute, sir." "It's all right." " ## [Gong Crashes] - ## [Trumpet Fanfare]" "[Chorus] # L ong live #" "# Her Royal #" "# Majesty #" "## The queen #" "# L ong #" "# May she reign #" "# Serene #" "# P roudly #" "## We serve her#" "# Here at her command #" "# # Queen #" "# Of our hearts #" "#A nd Sylvania #" "# Our land ##" "## [Light Trumpet Fanfare]" "## [Organ:" "Jaunty Tune]" "## [Ends]" "By personal order extraordinary..." "Your Majesty has bestowed upon Count Alfred the title of prince... and by this merciful act has uplifted him to a station... where marriage between you is possible." "Is it still Your Majesty's wish... to select Prince Alfred as Your Majesty's husband?" "It is." "Is Your Majesty willing to be a loving wife to the prince consort?" "I am." "And will Your Majesty protect him from all danger?" "I will." "And you, Prince Alfred... you abide by Her Majesty's selection... and are happy to accept the station of prince consort?" "Yes." "You promise always to love Her Majesty?" "Yes, I do." "You promise further to fulfill Her Majesty's every wish... to execute Her Majesty's every command... and to be an obedient and docile husband?" "[Whispered Chattering]" " He hesitates." " Incredible." " He hesitates at promising to obey." " And to be docile." "He should've thought of that before." "Yes, I do." "## [Organ, Soft]" "I pronounce you wife... and man." "[Speaking Foreign Language]" "What does he say?" "He says, "Man is man, and woman is woman." "And that to change that causes trouble"." "He does not see how any man could stand being a wife." "And therefore he hopes this will be a most unhappy marriage." "For heaven's sake." "If he reports this to Afghanistan..." "Tell him this is a love match... and will be the happiest marriage in the world." "[Speaking Foreign Language]" "No tschungu." "No tschungu." "No tschungu." "[Popping Lips]" "Halt." "Left face." "## [Fanfare]" "[Cannon Salute Continues]" "Have that firing stopped." " Your Highness, that is impossible." " Stopped at once." "I can't." "It's etiquette." "Etiquette or no etiquette..." "Can't you understand?" " Perfectly, sir." " Ah." "But I can't help it." " I command it." " Very sorry." "I can take orders only from Her Majesty the queen herself." "So." "We shall see." "[Cannons Fire]" "Alfred?" "[Cannons Fire]" "[Cannons Fire]" "Do you hear those cannons?" "Yes." "Isn't it glorious?" "Our bridal music." "[Cannons Fire]" "[Cannons Fire]" "How many..." "How many more shots will there be?" "300." "What?" "And each time they fire, you shall kiss me." "[Cannons Fire]" "I wish now I'd ordered 500." "[Cannons Fire]" "[Cannons Firing]" "399!" "[Cannon Fires] 400." "That was the last." " Too bad." " Thank heaven." "I wish we could have a cannon when we get married." "Let's get married too." "Make it a double wedding." "[Songbird Twittering]" "Jacques." "Jacquesy!" " Lulu." "You're cross..." " I'm not cross." "I'm thrilled!" "Eh, don't get thrilled." "Perhaps we'd better wait with our marriage and see how they get on first." "But there's no chance of their marriage going wrong." "Why, it even started wrong." "What does that lady think she's marrying... a trained poodle?" "She is not a lady." "She is a queen." "Well, he's not a king." "He's a gentleman." "But when royalty marry, they don't quarrel like common people do." "They can't afford to." "That's just the trouble." "They can't let off steam with a good old row like you or I." "That's true." "But we common people can take life easy." "We can act natural, and nobody will care." "We can eat chicken with our fingers." "Look at the names I can call you." "Look at the things I can throw at you." "Oh, it's wonderful being common." "[Both Sigh]" "# Snuggle near, baby dear #" "# Why so haughty and severe #" "# Let's get together and cuddle up right here #" "# Bear in mind I'm refined #" "# And I'm not that way inclined #" "# Where's your proper pride #" "# Why be so dignified #" "# Squeeze me once Squeeze me twice #" "# S'most improper but, oh, it's nice #" "# Let's be common #" "# And do it again #" "# Hug me do close to you #" "# S'a beautiful feeling and thrills me through #" "# Let's be common and do it again #" "# I'll surely smother #" "# Oh, let me go, sir This isn't right #" "# Oh, darling Mother #" "# If you could see your daughter tonight #" "# Grip my neck, grab my hand #" "# S'most improper but, oh, it's grand #" "# Let's be common #" "# And do it again #" "# S'a lovely moon S'a lovely night #" "# What's the matter with you You're so polite #" "# So let's be common #" "# And do it again #" "# You crush me I'll crush you #" "# S'possible we'll be black-and-blue #" "# Let's be common #" "# And do it again #" "# Can't you be gentle #" "# You'll bruise me till I'm ultramarine #" "# Be sentimental #" "# But don't act like a threshing machine #" "# So let's be rough You know how #" "# S'no use struggling Too late now #" "# So let's be common #" "# And do it again ##" "[Bird Twittering]" "## [Jacques Vocalizing]" "Don't do it again!" "Ladies and gentlemen... four weeks ago today, our illustrious queen was married." "The desire of her subjects to celebrate this date... is readily understood." "But in consideration of the royal honeymoon..." "I must ask the public to refrain just a little longer... from any serenades, torchlight processions... or public demonstrations of any kind and, in particular... to patriotically observe quiet within the limits of the castle... especially in the early morning hours." "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen." "Thank you." "And don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, this program comes to you... by courtesy of the Sylvania Hardware Corporation... the company that gives you two pots for the price of one." "## [Orchestra:" "Anthem]" "[Clock Chiming]" "[Chiming Stops]" "[Yawns]" "[Yawns]" "Louise." "Louise." "## [Trumpet Fanfare]" "## [Up-tempo March]" "## [Continues]" "## [Drums Beating]" "## [Orchestra]" "## [Continues]" "# Grenadiers Stand at arms, every man #" "# And obey the trumpets' call #" "## [Fanfare]" "# Give the word #" "# Stand at arms spick-and-span #" "# Let your queen be heard by all #" "# My heart is aflame with your loyalty #" "# For you, we stand or fall #" "# Grenadiers #" "# Steady and strong marching along #" "# Singing a song of motherland #" "# Grenadiers #" "# Steady in war, ready in love #" "# Living to serve no other land #" "# Every uniform #" "# Taking our hearts by storm #" "# Who could be true as the grenadiers #" "[Chorus] # Grenadiers #" "# Steady and strong marching along #" "# Heroes who scorn all fear #" "# Royal men The royal grenadiers #" " ## [Louise Holding Note] - [Chorus] # Grenadiers #" "# Steady and strong marching along #" "# Singing a song of motherland #" "# Grenadiers #" "# Steady in war, ready in love #" "# Living to serve no other land #" "# Every uniform #" "# Taking our hearts by storm #" "# Who could be true as the grenadiers #" "# Grenadiers Steady and strong, marching along #" "# Heroes who scorn all fears #" "# Royal men The royal grenadiers #" "# Left, right, left, right left, right, left, right #" "# Sing out ##" "[No Audible Dialogue]" "Why, you're up, dear?" "Yes." "I'm surprised myself." "I might as well lie in bed all day." "I have nothing to get up for." "Well, what a charming reception." "I spend all morning reviewing the household guards, distributing medals... and now on my way to an audience with the prime minister..." "I steal away to have a look at my husband, and-and..." "He doesn't even say good morning to me." "Good morning." "Well, that finishes my morning's work." "What can I do now?" "I have already shaved." "I had my hair cut yesterday." "There's nothing left." "So, you're bored." "All I'm waiting for now is to have you tell me I'm neglecting you." "Do you realize that not once since we've been married... have I left you alone at night?" "And I never will." "Thank you." "It's very kind of you." "And after this foreign loan is arranged..." "I'm going to take you to Vienna... and buy you a lot of nice new uniforms." "That's it." "You think all you have to do is to buy me a few new uniforms... and I'll be satisfied." "That's the opinion you have of me, is it?" "Oh, don't be silly, Alfred." "Oh, I'm sick of being treated as if I were a sort of plaything." " You're in a horrible mood today." " Am I?" "[Rhythmic Tapping]" "[Coughing]" " You have a cold?" " No." " [Coughing]" " Why do you cough?" "Listen, Louise." "You have the power to exclude me from all military affairs... from all cabinet meetings." "But, please, do not interfere with my coughing." "I cough when I want to." "[Exaggerated Coughing]" "[Cough]" "At last, I've found something to do." "I will repair this today." "Yes." "Immediately after..." "I almost forgot something very important." "Alfred, where are you going?" "Something very important." "I am going to have breakfast." "Where is my breakfast?" "May I remind Your Highness... that Her Majesty the queen has not as yet appeared." " Well." "And?" " Well, I'm sure Your Highness knows... that breakfast cannot be served before the appearance of Her Majesty." "I want my breakfast." "Your Highness, I am very sorry." " We must wait." " I can't wait." "I want my breakfast." "I'm hungry." "Your Highness, I regret it, but it's impossible to..." "Her Majesty will not appear for breakfast this morning." "Breakfast for His Highness." "Please, Your Highness." " Do you speak French?" " No, Your Highness." "[Speaking French]" "[Exasperated Grunt]" "[Speaks French, Grunts]" "[No Audible Dialogue]" "You're the only one in the palace who looks up to me." "#Just look at me #" "# I think my heart will break #" "# Nobody seems to take me seriously #" "# Honestly #" "# I'm just as lonely as a man can be #" "# The days mean nothing at all #" "# And when the shadows fall #" "# The moon is only wasting time on me #" "# Candidly #" "# There must be something awful wrong #" "# With me #" "# I have a pair of hands #" "# To hug and hold #" "# But nobody's using them now #" "# I've loads of love #" "# That could be told #" "# But nobody's using them now #" "# I've a world of time #" "# That's all my own #" "# They say that you go silly if you spend it alone #" "# I'm telling the truth I'm just wasting my youth #" "# 'Cause nobody's using it now No, no, no, no #" "# Nobody's using it now #" "# There's a bridal suite #" "# In gold and blue #" "# But nobody's using it now #" "# I've learned to wear pajamas too #" "# What's the use of wearing them now #" "# I've sown wild oats #" "# I have indeed #" "# But now that I've stopped sowing them I'm going to seed #" "# For years and for years I've had great ideas #" "# But nobody's using them now No, no, no, no #" "# Nobody's using them now #" "# I have a big settee with patent springs #" "# I've some pleasing ways and..." "[Chuckles] other things #" "# I'm a family man who's out of sorts #" "# I'm just a loving papa to a great lot of thoughts #" "# I blush to admit I've still plenty of"it" #" "# But nobody's using it now No, no, no, no #" "# Nobody's using it now Zum, zum ##" "[People Chattering]" "[Woman] ... try to see the prince." "Isn't there standing room?" "Oh, but I must see the prince." "[Chattering Continues]" "Oh?" "Oh." "Oh, is that so?" "Mm-hmm." "All right." "The moment it was announced that Your Majesty... would attend the opening of the opera in person... the place was completely sold out." "[Ministers Chattering]" " Your Majesty is still the biggest drawing card in the country." " [Minister] Yes, indeed, Your Majesty." "Have the spotlights been focused on the entrance to the opera house?" "Oh, yes, Your Majesty." "Twelve motion picture cameras will photograph the arrival... of Your Majesty and the prince consort." "The crowd will cheer and press forward with such enthusiasm... that it can be kept in check only by the most heroic efforts of the police." "And has all this been well rehearsed?" "Oh, yes, Your Majesty." "The crowd is the same one that we used at Your Majesty's wedding." "They all know their parts perfectly." "Good." "Go on." "When Your Majesty and the prince consort appear in the royal box... the whole audience will rise." "For two minutes, we will have silent homage." "Your Majesty and the prince consort will reward your loyal subjects with happy smiles." "You are both in the best of humor." " In the best of humor?" " Oh, yes, Your Majesty." "And does the prince consort know he's to be in the best of humor?" "Well... [Coughs] Your Majesty, I-I..." " Well, you'd better tell him, to be safe." " Yes, Your Majesty." "Your Majesty frightens us." "Tonight is your first opportunity of showing your matrimonial happiness to the public." " And if the prince consort does not smile in joy..." " It will mean disaster." "The diplomatic representatives of the whole world will be guests in the royal box." "And unfortunately, the Afghan ambassador too." "And if he sees any coolness between you, he'll report it to Afghanistan." "Well, let him." "But surely Your Majesty knows that if Afghanistan hears anything..." "Baluchistan hears it too." "And if Baluchistan hears it, then all Persia will know it." "And what is talked of in Persia spreads all over Turkey." "And when anything is known in Turkey, the Armenians get onto it immediately." "And you know how many Armenians go to America." "So if Wall Street hears of a rift in the matrimonial happiness of Your Majesty... it will stop all credits and we do not get the loan." " And without that loan, we are broke." " [Ministers] Broke!" "[Door Slams]" "So, unless I have a smile on my face tonight, we are broke." " [Ministers] Yes, Your Highness." " And you call yourselves statesmen." "Borrowing money is all that you're able to do." "Prince Alfred, what are you permitting yourself?" "I permit myself to make the following suggestion." "We do not need a loan." "We have enough natural resources." "There is my plan for the national budget." "[Whispered Chattering]" "I have worked out everything..." "in my sleepless days." "The country can be saved without a loan." "Go on." "Read it." "It includes everything." "Even your dressmakers' bills." "I am not permitted to receive suggestions in the affairs of state... from the prince consort." "Not even when they are good?" "Not even then." " Do you speak French?" " Yes, Your Highness." "Too bad." "Prince Alfred, I must ask you once and for all... not to interfere in affairs of state." "I know." "I'm Your Majesty's husband and nothing else." "Prince Alfred, you may leave the room." "Stay, gentlemen." "Prince Alfred, you will meet me here at 7:00... in full gala uniform..." "all medals and decorations... and in the very best of humor." "And in case I don't feel like complying with Your Majesty's wish?" "This is not my wish." "It is my command." "If Your Majesty had not already commanded me to smile..." "I would laugh." "[Alfred Laughing]" "[Laughing Continues]" "[Chattering]" "# When they went riding yesterday they never spoke a word #" " # You don't say # - # Is it true #" " # Think of that # - # Who's to blame #" "# And he asked for garlic in his soup at dinner, so I heard #" " # Something's wrong # - # Did you hear#" " # Are you sure # - # What a shame #" "# I know the queen regrets it but of course the man's to blame #" " # Good for you # - # Not at all #" " # I'm for that # - # Let it go #" "# Well, here I am, still single May my children stay the same #" "# Drink to that Here's to you #" " # Poor old prince # - # Is that so #" "# Don't you dare to say a word against the queen #" "# The queen is always right #" "# The queen is just a woman and she's just as mean #" "# Say that again, we'll fight #" " # Don't forget she has a husband # - # Don't forget she is the boss #" "# And Her Majesty can run him out of town #" " # The prince is right # - # The queen is right #" "[Simultaneously] - # The prince is right # - # The queen is right #" " # That's enough from you # - # Sit down #" "# Don't you dare to say a word against the queen #" "# The queen is always right #" "# The queen is just a woman and she's just as mean #" "# Say that again, we'll fight #" " # Don't forget she's got a husband # - # Don't forget she is the boss #" "# And Her Majesty can run him out of town #" " # The prince is right # - # The queen is right #" " # The prince is right # - # The queen is right #" " # The prince is right # - # The queen is right #" " # The prince is right # - # The queen is right #" " # The prince is right # - # The queen is right #" " # The prince is right # - # The queen is right #" " # The prince is right # - # The queen is right #" " # The prince is right # - # The queen is right #" "# That's enough from you Sit down ##" "You can tell him my patience is exhausted." "If he won't come here voluntarily, I'll have him brought here... even if I have to send soldiers." "Yes, Your Majesty." " [Audience Chattering] - ## [Instruments Tuning]" "[Doorknob Turns]" "[Master Of Ceremonies] His Highness, the prince consort." "[Door Closes]" "Why are you dressed like this?" "What does it mean?" "It means I'm dressed for traveling." "I'm going to Paris." "You go change at once." "You're going to the opera with me." "Only with soldiers and handcuffed." "Alfred, you know very well how much depends on this... my name, my position, my reputation as queen." "If you fail me tonight, all will be over between us." "It is already over..." "and forever." " Alfred." " You have gone too far, madame." "You thought you could order the former military attaché and command the husband." "But you forgot one thing, madame..." "that first, I am a man." " I know that, Alfred." " No, you do not." "But I'm going to prove it to you." "Good-bye, madame." " You mean you're really going?" " Yes." "Oh, but, Alfred, won't you love me anymore?" "Only with soldiers and handcuffed." "[Louise] Alfred!" "Alfred!" "[Crying]" "# Dream lover #" "# Fold your arms around me #" "# Dream lover #" "# Your romance has found me #" "# I'm held in your spell #" "[Crying] # Knowing so well #" "# Dreams never tell... ##" "[Sobbing]" " ## [Trumpets] - [Soldier Chorus] # Grenadiers #" "# Steady and strong marching along #" "# Singing a song of motherland #" "# Grenadiers #" "# Steady in war, ready in love #" "# L iving to serve no other land #" "# Every uniform #" "## Taking our hearts by storm #" "# Who could be true as the grenadiers #" "# Grenadiers Steady and strong, marching along #" "# Heroes who scorn all fears #" "# R oyal men The royal grenadiers #" "# Grenadiers #" "# Steady and strong marching along #" "# Singing a song of motherland #" "# Grenadiers #" "# Steady in war, ready in love #" "# Living to serve no other land #" "# Every uniform #" "# Taking our hearts by storm #" "# Who could be true as the grenadiers #" "# Grenadiers #" "# Steady and strong marching along #" "# Heroes who scorn all fears #" "# Royal men The royal grenadiers #" "# Left, right, left, right left, right, left, right #" "# Sing out ##" "[Audience Chattering, Laughing]" "[Audience Resumes Chattering]" "[Chattering Stops]" "[Applause Continues]" "## [Romantic]" "As for myself, you needn't have come at all." "All right, good-bye." "Stay here." "Beg me to stay." "I ask you to stay." "Don't ask me." "Beg me." "I beg you to stay." "Not commanding." "Begging." "Begging." "I beg you to stay." "Since you beg me so lovingly..." "I'll be generous." "I'll stay." "You want to humiliate me." "That's why you came here." "No." "I came because..." "Why?" "Because, after all..." "I didn't want to ruin the woman I once loved." "But tomorrow, I'm leaving for Paris." "And as soon as this loan of yours is signed..." "I will file papers for divorce." "If you don't treat me nicely, I'll go right home." "All right." "Go on." "Still here?" "## [Intensifies]" "If you don't take those glasses from your eyes, I'll tear them away." "Go on." "[Chuckles]" "You can't do it, eh?" "You're a queen." "You must behave." "If you were just a mere woman, you could make a scandal." "But you can't." "That's what you get for being a queen." " [Speaking Foreign Language]" " Huh?" "[Foreign Language]" "Ah, yes." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Oh!" "He'll never get these glasses back." " ## [Ends] - [Applause]" "Applaud." "Smile." "Oh!" "We are in the very best of humor, eh?" "[Chuckles]" "[Louise Sobbing]" "## [Alfred Humming Jauntily]" "# I blush to admit I've still plenty of"it"#" "# But somebody will use it now Oh, oh, oh, oh #" "# Somebody will use it now ##" "She is in her room, and he is in his." "Yes." "Sad, isn't it?" "When we get married, let's be common... and only have one room between us." "Why even one room between us?" "[Crying]" "[Line Clicking]" "[Crying Continues]" "[Sobbing]" "[Sniffling]" "## [Alfred Humming]" "## [Humming Stops] Who is it?" "Louise." "What do you want?" "A mouse is in my room." "Call your soldiers." "## [Humming Resumes]" "What are you doing?" "Packing." " Can I help you?" " No, thanks." " ## [Humming Louder] - [Whimpering]" "[Sobbing]" "## [Humming Continues]" "[Sobbing Louder]" "## [Humming Stops]" "[Key Turns In Lock]" "## [Humming]" "## [Whistling]" "## [Whistling Stops]" "[Door Opens]" "Please." "[Doorknob Jiggles]" "The key, please." "So, you're trying to use force again, madame?" "[Key Turns In Lock]" "Where shall we live in Paris?" " We?" " Yes." "I'm going with you." "Wherever you go, I'll follow you." "[Whimpers] You can't get rid of me." "Well, there is no use for me to leave then." "No." "No use at all." "I suppose I might as well stay here." "I suppose so too." "But how am I going to punish you?" " And you must be punished." " Yes." " And severely." " Yes." "But how?" "Let me see." "An awful punishment." "Let me see." "It's really not so easy." "[Louise] May I..." "May I make a suggestion?" "Yes." "Sit down." "If I were in your place, I'd say:" ""Louise, I don't want a divorce." " I love you too much for that"." " No, no, no, no, no." "But I'd say: "Louise..." ""you can't order me around any longer." ""From now on, I shall take command..." ""not only of the affairs of state..." ""not only in the Department of the Navy... but also here at home"." "And my first command would be..." ""Louise, don't dare to leave this room." ""You shall stay here..." ""at my side... attached to me from morning till, uh"..." ""from night till morning"." "And you call that a punishment?" "Yes... my king." " # Eyes of # - # Lizette #" " # Smile of # - # Mignonette #" " # The sweetness of # - # Suzette #" " # In me arrayed ## - # In you arrayed ##" "[Songbird Twittering]" "## [Exit Music]" "## [Continues]" "## [Continues]" "## [Ends]"