"LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "You guys, so much to talk about." "First, Jane and Raf." "They had a son named Mateo, who was quite a handful." "So we would like you to get him an aide." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "So they got him one." "Also in need of a helping hand:" "Jane's father, Rogelio." "See." "He quit his reality show." "And he' being sued." "And his lawyer?" "Well, that would be Xo's fiancé, Bruce." "Or at least he was her fiancé, until..." "Do you still have feelings for Rogelio?" "I don't know." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "I know." "Straight out of a telenovela, right?" "Which brings me to Raf's other baby mama, Petra, and her twin sister, Anezka." "See, Anezka used to date Scott, but Scott turned up dead, and Anezka's gone missing." "We need to get in touch with your sister." "Good luck." "I haven't spoken to her in three years." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Luckily, Detective Dennis was on it." "You remember Dennis, right?" "Used to be Michael's partner?" "Anyway, he noticed" "Petra was acting all shady, which she was, partly because she moved Scott's bones off her property line and over to the Fairwick." "Unfortunately, that was her boyfriend" "Chuck's hotel, and he was pissed." "And then, well, this happened." "I know." "OMG, right?" "Oh, and did I mention?" "Alba's longtime crush, Jorge, had finally asked her out." "So, yeah." "Things are getting hot up in here." "It should be noted that Jane Gloriana Villanueva had been passionately in love with exactly three men in her life." "The first was... (record scratches)" "Actually, I'm not ready to introduce him yet." "We'll get there." "The second, of course, was Michael." "Then Rafael." "Then Michael again." "And then... well, Jane's life became very much not about romantic love." "_" "But three years, six months and 42 days later... she finally felt open." "Or at least open to being open." "_" "_" "_" "(sighs)" " Oy!" " LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Ah, yes." "It certainly was." "_" "_" "I mean... yeah, a little." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Certainly more than the coffee stain on the tablecloth yesterday." "(chuckles)" "(door opens)" "Morning, Mom." "How you feeling?" "I'm okay." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "You'll recall" "Xiomara had just broken up with Bruce." "Okay." "Well, let us know if you need anything." "(door closes)" "So, what do you think about the dress?" "I can return it." "_" "Yeah?" "_" "_" "MATEO:" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" " LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "He doesn't." " Where's my raincoat?" "_" "_" "(stomps) I need it for show-and-tell, and it has indoor pockets." "Mommy said she'd find it!" "Calm down, Mateo." "I've looked for it everywhere, and it's not here, but I will find it and drop it off, okay?" "I promise." "Now go get yourself dressed." "Mommy has to get to work, and Abuela's gonna drop you off at school." "Why do you look so nice?" "(chuckles)" "Why, thank you, Mateo." "Just a good mood today." "(growls)" "(sighs)" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Abuela!" "Mm-hmm." "(giggles)" "♪ ♪" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "And, friends, it was as though the world suddenly became brighter." "♪ Cuatro ♪" "♪ Cool like that ♪" "♪ Cool like ♪" "♪ Cool like that ♪" "♪ Cool like ♪" " ♪ Cool ♪ - ♪ Hola, papi ♪" "♪ You wanna licky my ice cream ♪" " ♪ Cool like that ♪ - ♪Como aqua para chocolata ♪" "♪ Cool like that ♪" "♪ You're the whiskers of the kitty cat... ♪" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "All right, things are looking up." "_" "_" "So, yeah, like Alba said, love is in the air." "Or, at least, it was last night." "I just texted the nannies to take the girls to school." "That's great." " Mm." " Uh, hey, so..." "last night was..." "A onetime thing." "We were both drunk." "Feeling low." "Exactly. (sighs)" "It's not gonna happen again, so let's just..." " Yeah." " Move on, yeah?" "No need to tell anyone." " Especially Jane." " Agreed." "It's just, my-my clothes are in the living room." "Oh." "Hey, Raf, it's me." "Uh, Jane!" "H-Hang on!" "Uh, coming." "Don't worry, I'm just grabbing something for Mateo before I start my shift." "And..." "I have coffee. (chuckles)" "So, what do you need of Mateo's?" "I'm happy to just grab it." "JANE:" "His yellow raincoat." "He needs it for show-and-tell." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Wow." "That's more show than tell." "Good morning, Jane." "Do you mind?" "RAFAEL:" "Jane, listen, come on." "Hey, Jane." "That was just, it was a, it was a mutually" " agreed upon mistake, okay?" " No, I know what that was." " Really, it's none of my business." " It won't happen again." "You don't have to tell me." "Can we just, can we just not talk about it?" "Yep." "Never sounds good to me." " Great." " Mm-hmm." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "All right, look who got dressed." "Oh, God, not again." "_" "_" "_" "What now?" "We're here to offer you a deal." "_" "_" "Why would I need a deal?" "I already told you everything I know about Scott's burn book." "And I was accounted for the night he disappeared." "We know you moved his bones." "By bones, you mean...?" "His skeleton." "Got a statement from Chuck Chesser, who says you told him you, quote," ""Scootched them over."" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Dana!" "That's her name." "I knew it started with a "D."" "Now, we can charge you with tampering with evidence, but we won't, if you help us find your sister." "I already told you we haven't, we haven't spoken in years." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Oh, it's so sad when families grow apart after one sister paralyzes the other." "Well, get in touch." "But why do you, um, want to question her?" "DANA:" "We've been interviewing people mentioned in the burn book, and one remembered" "Anezka and Scott in a screaming match the night he disappeared." "And who is this witness?" "Just find your sister." "JANE:" "Ah, found it." "Ah, thank God. 'Cause the little dude really wanted to show everyone that raincoat." "(sighs) Is there a story about it?" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "There is now." "No idea." "What happened?" "Skateboarding accident." "Ooh." "Damn, mama." "Look at you in that dress." "(chuckles) I was just trying to mix things up." "There's no try, there's only do." "And you're doing it." "All day long!" "(chuckles)" "JANE:" "I think he was flirting with me." "I mean, it was subtle, but... (clicks tongue) Not even that subtle." "_" "_" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Now, that's what I call flirting." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "(sighs)" "Hello." "Welcome." "_" "_" "Are you sure you're ready to listen?" "_" "I was saying that I think" "Mateo's aide is flirting with me." "_" "_" "_" "I know, and I'm not quite sure what to do... ooh." "(sighs)" "_" "_" "_" "I know." "And if it happens again, I'll shut it down." "You okay, Mom?" "Y-Yeah." "I just feel bad for hurting Bruce." "He's been so great." "But you couldn't marry him." "You know, not if you still have feelings for... (door opens, Rogelio yodels)" "Remember not to mention Bruce or the breakup until the court case is over." "I don't want things to be awkward." "ROGELIO:" "Can I just say," "I love Bruce so much!" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Too late." "He got the reality show to settle, so as soon as we agree on a number," "I'll be free and clear, which is a good thing, because... drumroll, please." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Oh, sorry." "(drumroll plays)" "I got the offer for my new telenovela, so I'm formally inviting you all to the first day of shooting." "Ah, we wouldn't miss it." "_" "And Bruce, too, of course." "Is everything okay with him, by the way?" "Yeah, he's great." "Because he hasn't been returning my texts." "Oh, well, I'm sure he's just busy with other cases." "So, what's the next step in the novela?" "A very important special effects test with the network bigwigs." "_" "_" "DIRECTOR:" "Cut." "Wow, that is looking so realistic." "Agreed." "So realistic." "And you, your charisma leaps off the screen even at a quarter inch tall." "Thank you." "So often, I'm the big man in the room, so Los Viajes de Guillermo, it's a refreshing change." "_" "_" "_" "Not to be paranoid, but you are absolutely certain that your paperwork will be signed by the time we start shooting?" " 100% sure." " (sighs)" "Beyond a shadow of a doubt." "Great." "That's what we wanted to hear." "_" "Well... what do you think?" "It's perfect." "ALEX:" "Little man." "Tell Mommy what you drew." "It's a mouse going to the doctor, like in the story we read." "Well, I love it, and I can't wait to hear the story." "(gasps, mutters)" "He sat there for 20 minutes." "Great focus." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "And, friends, that's when Jane's radar went off." "(whirring, beeping)" "_" "_" "_" " _ - (alarm buzzing)" "Alex, uh, listen, you're great, but this is strictly a professional relationship." "Anything else would be inappropriate." "So I just want to make that really clear that this isn't gonna happen." "What isn't gonna happen?" "Oh, nothing." " Oh, hold on." " It was really nothing." " You thought that I... with you?" " Just a miscommunication." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Or a radar malfunction of epic proportions." "For the record, I am not into you... at all." "Good." "Great." "Yeah, glad that we cleared that up." "How much did you see?" "You mean, did I see the part where you shut Alex down for flirting with you, or the part where he had no idea what you were talking about?" " Okay, okay, stop." " Uh, you better not touch me, 'cause I might get the wrong idea." "Abuela told me that if he was flirting with me, I should shut it down." "And... apparently, my radar's a little off." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Way off, in fact." "Let me show you what really happened earlier." "♪ ♪" " ♪ Cuatro ♪ - ♪ Cool like that ♪" "♪ Cool like ♪" "♪ Cool like that ♪" "♪ Cool like, cool ♪" "♪ Hola, papi, you wanna licky my ice cream?" "♪" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Yeah, let's not tell Jane about that last one." "Okay, you know what?" "We're going out tonight." "What?" "Clearly, this whole Alex fiasco was a cry for help." "You cannot keep getting advice from your abuela." "I'm gonna help you get your flirt on." " No, absolutely not." " I'll see you tonight in the lounge." " Not happening." " 7:00 p.m." " No!" " ROGELIO:" "Yes." "Look right here!" "There's a run in my stocking, and, also, my pantaloons are hitting the middle of my calf!" "I am really sorry." "I'm just stressed." "You should be allowed to enjoy fitting me." "Please, continue." "Above my calf." "_" "(knocking)" "There they are!" "My favorite... network executives." "And there's our favorite star." "WOMAN:" "So, listen, we want to beef up the love story a little, add some complications, maybe a sizzling hot co-star." "Are you cool with that?" "The hotter and sexier, the better!" "(laughter) Great." "_" "RAFAEL:" "You have to relax." "I can't." "This is ridiculous." "This is a kids hotel." "You would be surprised how many divorcée hookups we have here at happy hour." "Last week, we caught a couple in the pirate ship." " JANE:" "Ugh." " RAFAEL:" "Shoot." "What?" "Petra just walked in." "I kind of got a weird vibe from her earlier when I went by her office to go over some stuff." "After what happened last night, when we... had sex... _" "Well, I just..." "I'm worried she might have feelings for me." "Of course she has feelings for you." "She was in love with you for forever." "That's why you shouldn't have slept with her." "It was incredibly stupid." "Shh." " What are you two doing here?" " Nothing." "Just helping Jane get her flirt on." "She's a little rusty." " Here?" " It's not a big deal." "This is a kids hotel." "Those guys look single." " Ew." " Seriously?" "You should go to the Fairwick." "It's a total meat market during happy hour." " Actually, I'm going home." " No, you are not." "Come on." "The Fairwick." "Let's go." "Perfect." "I'll join you." "(loud, upbeat music playing)" "Okay, what about him?" "JANE:" "The guy in the tank top?" "Are you serious?" "He's got a good body, a handsome face." "Okay, then you date him." "RAFAEL:" "Hoodie, three o'clock." " Mr. Robot?" " Okay, who do you like, then?" "It doesn't matter, because no one's looking." "Because it looks like you two are together." "Look, we have to make it clear that Jane is the third wheel here." "Come here, Rafael." "Now I'm gonna put my head here." "Great." "Look over there." "Tall drink of water, blue shirt, cute, and he's looking at you." "Turn slowly." "JANE:" "He is cute." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Agreed." "Maintain eye contact." "Smile." "Tone it down." "Flirting is like perfume;" "a little dab will do." "Well?" "(whirring, beeping)" "_" "_" "_" "_" " _ - (alarm buzzing)" "PETRA:" "Perfect." "Go." "Go!" "I can do this." "♪ ♪" "Mm." "It's nice to see Jane getting back out there, isn't it?" "(whirring, beeping)" "_" "_" "_" "_" " _ - (alarm buzzing)" "Look, Petra, I want to be really straightforward." "Uh..." "What happened last night" " _ - was a mistake." "What?" "You're obviously into me..." "No, I'm not." "Jane isn't here, okay?" "You don't have to be this close." "And earlier, when I stopped by your office, and you moved closer..." "Yes, because I didn't want you reading my e-mails." "And also, if you must know, Chuck is across the room, and I'm trying to make him jealous." "What?" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Oh, shoot." "I missed him, too." "My bad." " Oh." " Mm-hmm." "After everything he did to me, telling the cops about the bones," "I want to make him miserable." "So just get over yourself and play along, okay?" " _ - (alarm buzzing)" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Let's move elsewhere, shall we?" "(Jane laughing)" " _ - (alarm buzzing)" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "All right, that's better." "You have a great laugh." "Thank you." "So, Jane Villanueva, soon to be published author, why are you still single?" "I thought somebody would have scooped you up by now." "Oh, um, well," "I was scooped up, but then my husband died." "(trombone plays "wah-wah")" "No, but, I mean, I'm, like, almost totally fine." "That was, like, three years ago, so it's like, pshh!" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "OMG, I can't watch anymore." "PETRA:" "I think he's watching." "Sell it." "Really?" "That's the best you can do?" "Oh, Zen Rafael hasn't forgotten his moves, has he?" "No." "He hasn't." "And I am sure that you haven't forgotten my moves either." "It's all a blur." "Paris isn't a blur." "No, that's, um... hard to forget." "I agree." "Especially when I... (whispering indistinctly)" "(Petra chuckles)" "That seems like a million years ago in some ways." "And in other ways..." "I know." "Damn it, this isn't working." "He doesn't even care." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Wow, that was pretty intense." "I was actually starting to feel it." "And it looks like Rafael was, too." "Why am I even doing this?" "I mean, I'm obviously out of his league." "Right?" "Honestly, I don't know what I even saw in him." "I think it was about self-punishment more than anything else, because the truth is that I was honestly just embarrassed to be seen with him the entire time we were dating." "Petra?" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Wow, rough night for these three." "No one got any, but it's still a walk of shame." "Or, actually..." "JANE:" "It was awkward and awful." "And I don't know what I was thinking." "I have met exactly zero people in my life at a singles bar." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Thanks, Abuela." "_" "_" "_" "We're back on Jorge." "_" "_" "_" "_" "Wait, what?" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "I find that hard to believe." "But if you're worried, you should just talk to Jorge about it." "_" "_" "Course you can." "Come on." "You're a... semi-modern woman, Abuela." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Which brings us here, now." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "ROGELIO:" "Do you have a second?" "I went by your house..." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Oh, no." "Was Bruce home?" " And Bruce wasn't home." " LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Phew!" "But it's weird, Xo, 'cause" "I can't get him to return my calls, he's barely responding to my texts." "Tell me, did I do something to offend him?" "Did you forget to say "God bless you"" "after he sneezed?" "No, I don't think so." " I'm sure Bruce is just busy." " It's just that the settlement talks are coming up and this silence is giving me a bad feeling." "Will you ask him?" "I don't want to be all needy, but if something's wrong, I'd like to know." "DENNIS:" "I want to know." "Well, it was okay... until I told him I was a widow." "I wouldn't say he ran away." "Well, he's an idiot then." "Make sure to follow through with your right hand." "Uh-huh." "Got it." "I mean, dating would be so much easier if people already knew." "Tell me about it." "What do you mean?" "One of the joys of being engaged is that you don't have to worry about dating." "Lindsay and I broke up a few months ago." "What?" "Why didn't you mention it?" "She cheated on me." "Yeah, so... didn't want to brag." "Eh, I'm sorry." "You okay?" "Yeah." "Better to know now than later, right?" "(sighs) Yeah." "Well... punch through the bag." "Ah!" "You know, you might be better at boxing than I am, but I would kick your ass at a story-writing competition." "(laughs)" "Not a sport." "Eh..." "Mini-golf, I'd crush you." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Oh, not bad." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Whoa." "Hold on a second." "Are Jane and Dennis... flirting with each other?" "Nah." "Wait." "Maybe." "Let me check." "(beeping)" "_" "_" "_" "_" " _ - (alarm buzzing)" " Okay, either my radar is off, too, - (giggling) or this is happening, people." "A vibe?" "With you and Dennis?" "I think." "Maybe." "Then again, I thought Alex was super into me, too, so..." "That's why I need you to go boxing with me next week." " What?" " To suss it out." "You owe me." " Just text him." " What?" " No." " Why?" "We don't just text." "That's the point." "He'll either encourage you or he won't." "But either way, you'll know." "Mm..." "Didn't you just tell your grandma to be a modern woman?" "_" "Oh, that's a nice touch with the ellipses, makes it seem super casual." " _ - (gasps)" "Oh, my God, he's writing me back already." "He's probably thinking of a nice way to tell me to back off." "Oh, my God, he's insulted." " What?" " I've actually insulted him." "He's thinking, "I should just ignore her. "" "_" "_" "See?" "Okay, now just wait a minute before you... _" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Wow." "We may have just witnessed the beginning of a new romance." "And, sadly, here we are now at the end of one." "No, you keep the cappuccino maker." "You take more pleasure in it than I ever could." "Okay, so that's it." "Bruce, I just wanted to say, if it's too hard for you to represent Rogelio, you don't have to." "I'm a big boy, Xiomara, I can handle it." "What?" "I just want to make sure that you're not letting our breakup get in the way of his case." "What do you mean?" "Well, Rogelio says that you haven't been returning his texts." "He's starting to get a little worried." "Hold on." "Are you asking me to be nicer to the guy that you left me for?" " No, I-I'm just..." " Because let me assure you," "I am acting like a professional." "I'm treating Rogelio like I treat every other client." "No, I don't respond within ten seconds to his texts." "No, I don't reassure him and hold his hand every time he contacts me." "But I'm doing my job." "You're right." "I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have overstepped." "And I shouldn't feel badly, right?" "I am clearly out of Chuck's league, right?" "_" "Then why do I feel like this?" "Like I-I... like I want to see him?" "I know, I know, I know, you think I still like him." "And maybe I do." "But I don't want to." "Not that it matters." "I mean, the heart wants what the heart wants." "And the truth is, I did say some pretty lousy things to him." "I mean, you can imagine, you know how I get when I'm heated. (chuckles)" "I should probably apologize, right?" "Thanks, Krishna." "My pleasure, Mrs. Solano." "Do you have a boyfriend, Krishna?" "No, I'm gay." "Gotcha." "_" "My mistake." "JANE:" "This whole thing's a mistake." "I'm gonna text Dennis and call the date off." "You are not." "Michael's his friend, it feels like a betrayal." "Michael would want you to be happy." "With someone else." "Yeah, but you don't have feelings for someone else." "You have feelings for Dennis." "That's the thing, I don't even know if I have feelings for him." "You know, maybe this is just my way of trying to... keep Michael in my life." "_" "_" "Basta!" "Do not make this about Jorge." "Look, hon, it's one date." "And you know what?" "Maybe it is about Michael." "And maybe it isn't." "But you won't know unless you go." "Okay, fine." "So, where are you going with Jorge tonight?" "_" "Go." "_" "_" "_" "_" "All right." " I got to run." " Mm." "There you are, Bruce!" " Hello, Rogelio." " Oh, right, right." "Courtroom decorum." " _" " Good to see you." "_" "What do you think?" "I know I don't look my best." "I had my makeup artist age me up a little so the judge would take pity on me." "Is it too much?" "You look fine." "Is everything all right, buddy?" "Sorry I'm late." "There she is." " Hi, hi." "Mwah." " Hey." "No." "No, everything's not all right." "I can't do this." " What?" " Do what?" "You told me that I didn't have to, and I can't." "It's... too painful." "And more importantly, you were right." "Given the way I feel, I can't properly represent Rogelio." " But..." " What now?" "Ask for a continuance." "The judge is gonna grant it because your lawyer is resigning." "All right, let's get started." "What just happened?" "Get him back." "(whispers):" "I can't." "Your Honor, I'm sorry, but Rogelio needs a continuance." "His lawyer quit." "Ugh." "Annoying." "By law, Mr. de la Vega, you'll have reasonable time to find a new attorney." "I can grant you one week." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please, Your Honor, I can't postpone." "I start a new telenovela tomorrow." "I have to be in hair and makeup at 8:00 a.m." "And even though I'm tiny, the camera picks up every detail, believe me." "Just give me one minute." "You have to get Bruce back." " I can't." " Why?" "You know how important this is." "I broke up with him." "Right in the middle of my case?" "Why would you do that?" " We'll talk about this later." " No, I demand to know the reason." " Ro..." " No, now!" "Because I'm in love with you, all right?" "(sweeping romantic music plays)" "I love you too, Xiomara." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Ah, romance, always full of surprises." "Voilà." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Ooh, let's see where Jorge took Alba." "Mini-golf." "_" "JANE:" "Dennis and I are gonna go play mini-golf on our date." "_" "_" "_" "It's just mini-golf." "I think you have your Jorge glasses on." "_" "_" "Ay, Jorge." "_" "_" "Ay. (gasps)" "Oh, no." "_" "_" "Ay." "_" "_" "(laughs)" "Okay, I'm warming up." "I haven't played in a while." "I'm hearing a lot of excuses." "Just like Michael..." "Sorry." " I shouldn't have..." " No." "We can talk about Michael." "Well, once, he accused me of using those illegal balls that give you more distance." "Oh, trust me, I get it." "Mateo's a better sport." "(chuckles)" " He also, one..." " Maybe we should..." "Oh." "Just that, maybe we should try not to talk about Michael." "Okay." "No more sports stuff." "Or work stuff." "Have you spoken to Lindsay?" "Or ex-fiancée stuff." "Right." "Makes sense, sorry." "Uh..." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Hmm, a bumpy start." "(quietly):" "Now let's see how things are going over at the eighth hole, where we last left our other golfers in a tight situation." "_" "(exhales)" "Jorge?" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Yeah, we got a couple creepers making out in the cave behind the Eiffel Tower again." "(music playing)" "What are you doing here?" "Look, I know I said some not very nice things about you." "But our hotels are next door, and I don't want this getting in the way of us being neighbors." "So I apologize." "Yeah, right." "That's not why you're here." "Yes, it is." "Okay, fine." "Then consider your apology hog-tied and tossed down a well." "I'll see you around." "Okay, fine." "You're right." "I'm also here because I like you." "And I want to be with you." "So can we just please put all this behind us?" "Sorry, the answer's still no." "Why would I want to be with someone who's embarrassed to be with me?" "Are you serious?" "You called me a lowlife and said I was out of your league." "First of all, that hurts." "Second of all, you're uptight, judgmental and no fun at all." "(scoffs)" "Come on, look around, Petra." "You don't belong here." "Uh, yes, I do." "(chuckles)" "You can't even say that with a straight face." "Ugh." "ANNOUNCER:" "Looks like we got a new rider." " What's your name, little lady?" " Petra." "ANNOUNCER:" "Go get 'em, Petra!" "How long has Mr. Chesser stayed on for?" "About six seconds." "(crowd whooping)" "(chuckles)" "CROWD:" "One, two, three, four, five..." "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Petra!" "You okay?" "Holy jack-o-lantern." " What?" " JANE:" "The hole, the hole." "Come on, get in the hole!" "Aw." "How did that not go in?" "Your stance is tragic and your swing is hopeless." "That's a bit dramatic, don't you think?" "Don't worry." "I'm gonna drop some hope on you." "Show me your stance." "Okay." "Okay, now try it." "(taps ball)" "Yes!" "Thank you." "Uh, uh, oops." "Uh, bathroom emergency." " A bathroom emergency?" " I panicked." "He was moving in closer, and all of a sudden I wasn't sure if I wanted him to kiss me." "Or if I even remember how to, it's been so long." "And then I was thinking, the only way to get back on the horse is to get it over with." "And then I thought, no, that is not the right attitude." "You should kiss him because he's really cute." "'Cause he is really cute." "(sighs deeply)" "So maybe I just freaked because I'm still not ready to kiss anyone yet." "After Michael." "Are you done?" " Yeah." " Okay." "You need to get back out there and tell Dennis exactly what you just told me." " Really?" " He'll understand." "Maybe just lose the "getting it over with" part." "Got it." "I don't get it." "If you weren't sure you wanted to kiss me, then why were you rubbing your butt all up against me?" "Wait, what?" "And you were, like, looking at me and signaling." "I didn't want to leave you hanging." "First of all, I wasn't signaling anything." "Especially with my butt." "I was just adjusting my putting stance." "And second of all, it was a pity kiss?" "No!" "I mean, not exactly." "Maybe a little." "I'm sorry." "It's just that..." "I haven't kissed anyone since Lindsay." "And I thought that maybe I should just... well..." "Get it over with?" "Yeah." "Kind of." "(laughter)" "Hey, you." "How was your date?" "Pretty successful." "Yeah, he's giving Lindsay another chance." "Ah." "Hey, I had a date." "It's something." "So?" "Did you settle your lawsuit?" "Yes." "For an astronomical number." "(laughs) Almost all of my salary for the first year of Los Viajes de Guillermo will go to paying it." "(both laugh)" "Then, why are you both so happy?" "To be honest, I just made love to your mother in the car." "Oh." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Aw, it's about time these two got back together." "Okay." "Thank you." "All right." "You have a dentist appointment first thing tomorrow morning." "I still can't believe this." "It's not that bad." "It's hardly noticeable." "(scoffs)" "(laughs)" "(laughs) Stop." "You look cute." "Oh, stop." "No." "You do." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Is that his heart glowing?" "Just a little?" "It's hard to tell with that pink shirt." "(knocking on door)" "Must be the ice." "What are you doing here?" "CHUCK:" "Why'd you run out of there in such a hurry?" "Well, I don't know, I was humiliated." "Well, I thought it was the wildest, sexiest, most outrageous thing anyone's ever done for me." "Really?" "(chuckling):" "Yeah." "DENNIS:" "You're gonna want to see this." "Petra took the bait." "She made contact with Anezka." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Oh, no." "This must be the e-mail" "Petra didn't want Raf to read earlier." "And I can see why." "Wow, right?" "Oh, my bad, you don't read Czech." "Well, mine isn't great either, but it translates roughly to:" "_" "_" "_" "DENNIS:" "She was lying about her sister." "Plus, she hid the burn book and moved the bones." "Sure seems like she's hiding something." "Yeah, no kidding." "I'm betting Anezka murdered Scott." "And Petra's covering up for her." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "I know!" "Straight out of a telenovela, right?" "Which brings us here." "Ugh." "I just forgot how exhausting dating is for someone like me." "The overthinking, the analyzing, the worrying." "I just wish I could date without my brain being on overload." "It'll happen." "You're gonna meet someone great." "And when you do, it'll all be worth it." "Just like with your father and me." "Oh, my God!" "You're worse than Abuela." "Wait, by the way, did you see her this morning?" "No, she must've left early." "But she said she'd be here." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Oh, there she is." "JANE:" "Is Abuela wearing the same clothes as yesterday?" "Oh, my God, I think she is." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "I noticed it, too, but out of respect for Alba, I wasn't going to say anything." "_" "JANE:" "Did you sleep at Jorge's house last night, Abuela?" "_" "So no sex?" "_" "Oh, okay." "_" "All right, let's get this shot off!" "ROGELIO:" "I would just like to say that I am so glad to be back in the world of telenovelas, where I belong!" "For now." "Until my Passions of Santos remake happens." "(applause)" "Lovely, terrific." "We feel that way, too." "And on that note, I am so excited to introduce you to your new co-star, Rogelio." "Fabian Regalo del Cielo!" "(clapping)" "He's going to play your rival in your quest for love." "Rogelio." "What a true pleasure." "I've been a fan of yours for as long as I can remember." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "They did say the co-star would be hot." "We are so thrilled to have you, Fabian." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Yeah, Ro doesn't look thrilled." "But she does." "_" "Yup, something's glowing all right." "And it's not her heart."