"Where the hell is he?" "Call him again." "This is Krister." "Okay..." "Today?" "Now?" "But I..." "I'll be there in ten minutes." "20." "Chinaman." "Bet it on blue." "SWEDISH CHURCH" "Ow, damn it!" "Get out!" "Holy shit banana split!" "Tell Mr. Chinaman I give him the money later." "Please, Mr. Pan!" "Don't take my tuk-tuk!" "I'm coming!" "I'm coming!" "I'm coming!" "Hi there." "Hello." "I am Krister." "We are gathered here today to join..." "Helena." "Helena and..." "Johan." "..." "Jonas." "Johan!" "Johan." "We are gathered..." "I already said that." "Let's go!" "Welcome the Norwegian church Truth of Life." "Miss, miss!" "Drive to hotel?" "No, I can't ride that." "It's too small." "I'm not small." "In the car." "There is no room." "You want a room?" "Plenty of space." "No." "Sorry." "Not that one." "I don't do well in enclosed spaces." "I wouldn't mind a belt." "Hi!" "You're Swedish, right?" "I saw you on the plane." "Can we share the cab into town?" "So totally awesome!" "You have to listen to this!" "It's me!" "It's DJ Hawk!" "That's my act!" "DJ Hawk!" "Good." "I know." "Wait, this is not the final mix." "I've got another one." "Not necessary." "Here's my hotel." "I'm staying here too." "Awesome!" "There's a gym too." "Hey, where is the stage?" "By the pool." "We use it on weekends." "Weekdays, the DJ is in the bar." "You can help out, collecting glasses." "Yeah, no way." "I'm no stranger to..." "You can take communion in many different ways." "I have a little place here." "We could have some fun..." "What the hell are you up to?" "You?" "Good." "We need to talk about my compensation." "Compensation?" "For my work today." "You show up two hours late, dressed like a bum." "You fall over, pour beer on the best man and now you're pawing my wife." "Come on, settle down." "You're nuts!" "I want my..." "The deal was 5,000 Baht!" "Let me go!" "Okay, okay!" "Damned priest!" "Get him out of here!" "Okay, okay." "Stop!" "That's him!" "He didn't pay!" "Lock him up!" "Lock him up!" "What?" "No." "Thanks." "Mister Krister?" "Krister, yes." "You know him?" "I'll take care of it." "Hi." "Can I help you?" "Hi." "Are you Krister?" "No, I'm Hannes." "Tourist cop." "We help the Thai keep track of our compatriots." "I'm so glad to be understood." "I'm looking for the Swedish Church and Krister Hellstrand." "Mister Krister!" "Krister is back here." "Come with me, and I'll introduce you." "Good morning!" "You have a visitor." "Hi." "Hi." "This may look a little sketchy, but I had a wedding yesterday..." "And there's always someone who can't hold his liquor, and starts a fight." "So I had to intervene, and I took the blame, of course." "Hello." "Carro Asplund." "Do we know each other?" "No." "The Church's Foreign Service sent me." "I'm here to help you." "Help me?" "I'm too busy to drag some intern around." "I am not your intern." "The Prime Minister's coming next week." "Okay?" "Right." "To inaugurate the new church." "The new church?" "Yes." "It's really an honor to have her doing this, so it will be quite an event." "A great opportunity to show off the church, the parish and your work." "Your name was...?" "Carro Asplund." "I'm here to help with the event." "You're free to go." "But I usually get breakfast." "You'll have to get your own." "Can you lend me 500 Baht?" "You already owe me 8,000 by now." "Right." "Come on." "Let's take this from the top." "The Prime Minister...?" "She's on an official visit to Thailand and will inaugurate the new church." "Where is it?" "I looked on the map..." "It's over in that direction." "Can we go there now?" "Why?" "I'd like to see it before..." "Hold on." "I just woke up!" "Can we...?" "This all seems highly unlikely." "Why would the Church Council do this?" "Why is the Prime Minister coming?" "She had a gap in her trip to Asia, so we took the chance." "It's great PR." "You did get the email, right?" "No." "I can't receive things like that." "So the connection is bad here?" "Non-existent." "We're in a hurry, so let's get going." "Or show me on the map." "You need to know one thing." "Yes?" "The church isn't quite finished." "No?" "There are things left to do." "Right." "Can you show me?" "I can." "Yeah." "Okay." "Don't pay him now." "If you do, he'll leave and we'll have to walk home." "Hey, guys." "Is Carro short for Carolina?" "No, Carola." "Don't you like the singer Carola?" "Sure, but it comes with expectations." "Well, here it is." "What is here?" "The church." "I told you it wasn't finished." "But this is..." "It's hardly even been started!" "You know, I am kind of busy." "I can't be running around here all day." "What do we do now?" "The groundwork's been done." "A few nails and boards, and it's done." "My guys can fix that in no time." "No...what?" "In no time?" "Yeah." "A month or two." "This is impossible!" "The Prime Minister will be here in a week!" "A week might be optimistic." "Why didn't you say anything?" "About what?" "What?" "That the church doesn't exist!" "No one asked me." "Carola, don't sit there." "Am I blocking the builders?" "Or am I sitting in the pulpit?" "No, but you're about to get a scorpion up your ass." "I hate this place!" "Welcome to Thailand." "Do you even have a parish?" "Of course I do." "Hi, Krister." "Hallelujah." "Hey there!" "Preacher, wanna bet 500 on Frölunda?" "Sure, why not?" "Can you lend me a 500 Baht note?" "I'll pay you back later." "The usual." "And I see that there's an addition to the family." "This is Carola, a colleague, who is in Thailand to combat sin." "That'll keep you busy." "Beer for you?" "No thanks." "Water." "That's a 500 there." "Aren't you colleagues?" "No ice, please." "Nothing from the tap." "There you go, sweetie." "Thanks." "Excuse me, this might be none of my business, but..." "Should a Swedish priest really be doing this?" "You are absolutely right." "It is none of your business." "Do you retain any Christian ideals?" "All of them." "I just don't use them much." "I see." "So why are you a priest here?" "Look around." "Sun, heat, drinks, ladies..." "No one is that shallow!" "You have to put some effort into it." "Why did God create all this, if not for us to enjoy?" "So you believe in God at least?" "That's nice to hear." "Do you have a boyfriend at home?" "That's none of your business." "You ask me personal questions." "I should be allowed to do the same." "Sure, go ahead." "Ask your questions." "I won't answer them." "What are you doing here?" "Hundreds of thousands of Swedes come here every year." "They want to get away from the rain and the dark, and get some sun." "They don't want some gloomy guy running around here preaching." "No." "They want to try to enjoy life." "But what are you doing here?" "What?" "I give them advice sometimes." "So this is your parish?" "Yes, it's my little flock." "Does he live here?" "Chinaman gave me the address." "Ideas on how to fix this?" "What to say when I call home?" "Fix what?" "That we don't have a church." "They can inaugurate it when it's finished." "I don't know." "What happened to all the money?" "What money?" "You had a big budget for that church." "I have expenses." "Walk that way." "Chinaman don't want your tuk-tuk." "Want your money!" "Who was that?" "Hey!" "Krister, do you know them?" "You're late with rent again!" "This is where I live." "Who were they?" "I owe a guy a bit...some money." "He gets a little upset." "I could tell." "How much money?" "Not that much." "Okay." "How much?" "20,000." "Baht?" "Dollars." "20,000 Dollars?" "What happens if you don't pay?" "I guess I'll end up like the tuk-tuk." "You...you are just too much." "You're saying..." "Did you...?" "You spent the money for the church on booze." "And you've borrowed 20,000 Dollars and wasted them too." "It sounds pretty negative when you put it that way." "I haven't wasted a thing." "I have expenses." "This is..." "I need to call home and inform them about the situation." "Say hello from me." "Maybe you should call home yourself, Krister?" "How about that?" "Taking care of some self-centered wino wasn't part of the deal." "That might be too big a job for you." "I can't deal with this." ""Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"." "John 8:5." "8:7!" "Know-it-all..." "Stop that nonsense." "Here." "What are you talking about?" "Your resort guide uniform." "Here." "Forget it." "I'm an artist." "Everyone who works here wears this." "Nice." "It suits you!" "I'm a musician." "I've got, you know, integrity." "Hi." "I'm glad you're here." "I have to report him." "This can't go on." "It's not only illegal, but immoral." "Help me, I don't know how to do this." "Relax." "Sit down." "Wait..." "I assume you're referring to Krister." "He stole church money." "I need to write." "Write this: he got money to build a church." "But there's no church." "Just a concrete slab in the middle of the jungle." "I was supposed to make sure it was ready for the Prime Minister." "How do I do that?" "Nothing's moving forward." "This is a catastrophe." "I was supposed to help him with the Prime Minister." ""You must not fail!" This just proves her right." "I can't take it!" "I'll never get my church now." "I want to go home!" "I want to go home." "I hate it." "I hate it." "Hey?" "What are you doing today?" "What?" "Got any plans for today?" "Hi." "It's the middle of the day." "You can't sit here, sleeping in the sun." "I won't need food for the rest of the day." "I swallowed half the Thailand insect population." "I bet that piqued your curiosity." "Bengan, a beer, please." "You bet." "Is a tourist cop a regular cop?" "No, the schooling is shorter." "How long is it?" "Three days." "Rough..." "Are you a cop back home too?" "No." "Guess." "Really?" "You want me to guess?" "I don't know." "Fireman?" "Thanks, but no." "Stripper." "I'm kidding." "I see." "Pre-school teacher." "For real?" "Not much different from what I do now." "Except that the kids have better table manners than the tourists." "So I guess we're in the same business." "I'll be changing Krister's diapers soon." "He's better at caring for others than for himself." "I just don't get why he's a priest." "Why are you a priest?" "Because my daddy was a priest." "Right, but why did you want to become a priest?" "I promised to take care of his parish when he died." "Long story short:" "lots of people want that particular position." "If I can't do the inauguration of the non-existent church, I can forget it." "It's not looking good right now." "Why don't you borrow a church?" "What?" "I'm sure there's some other church here, until you've built your own." "No way." "You can't borrow a church, and there are only temples here." "I doubt the Prime Minister cares what the Swedish church here looks like." "Oops." "Here." "Thanks." "Well...thank you for this." "It's been a nice day." "Thank you." "Are you going home?" "I think I have to." "Okay." "Good luck." "Thanks." "Hi, Carro!" "How are things?" "Well, Susanne..." "What does it look like?" "What?" "The church, of course!" "It won't work." "We'll have to cancel." "Are you nuts?" "We'll be there with the Prime Minister soon!" "I know, but that's the point." "We need to cancel." "Is it Krister?" "Yes, it's..." "I knew it." "How much do you need?" "What?" "Money." "I'm sure Krister has some debts." "Yeah, but that's not the only issue." "We can't mess this up." "Everything I've got is riding on this." "I know, but I can't fix this one." "I guess we'll have to find someone else to take your spot on Ingarö." "Okay. 20,000." "Dollars." "Get me that much, and I'll fix it." "What has he done this time?" "No, I don't want to know." "I'll fix this, Carro." "We'll talk tomorrow." "Hi!" "DJ Hawk - live tonight." "It'll be super fucking awesome!" "I think not." "Hey, you!" "Please, Agatha, Brunhilde or whatever, I'm on my lunch break." "Order your own Piña Colada." "I have one." "I just wanted to tell you I like the music." "What?" "Yesterday." "You were really grooving." "So you like ambient house, progressive house, hardhouse?" "I never listen to anything else." "That's great!" "Wait, you have to listen to this." "This is awesome!" "Isn't it?" "You bet!" "Right?" "That's me." "That's my act." "Hey?" "Would you mind...?" "Sure thing." "Absolutely." "I put the beat down at 132 BPM to get a more awesome groove." "Hey?" "Could you start with the legs?" "My favorite priest!" "What do you want?" "I knew I'd find you here." "Did you come to say goodbye?" "No." "We need to talk about something." "I see." "Hold on." "Cut your toenails!" "Are you nuts?" "It's not about toenails." "Same thing every time Svea is here!" "I do not give a damn about her!" "Marianne!" "Could you calm down?" "Why don't you go home?" "You don't seem to like it here." "Go home to Sweden and scream at someone else." "I can't live with your goddamned toenails!" "Please..." "Should we go our separate ways?" "Yes!" "What?" "Separate ways?" "No, absolutely not." "Maybe you need to do something apart from each other." "You've been sitting here every day for two months, playing cards." "That's what I want to do." "Maybe you can go get your hair done." "Yes!" "And you can get your toenails done." "Are we agreed?" "Right!" "Then you can buy me a beer." "Impressive." "Indeed." "What a goal." "I meant your therapy session." "Them?" "They're always doing that." "Can we sit over there?" "I want to talk about something." "Is it important?" "Yes, it kind of is." "Hurry up." "I want to see the game." "I will help you, if you help me." "Okay?" "I'm sure I'll regret this for the rest of my life, but..." "Take this and pay off your debts." "What's this money?" "Don't ask." "Emergency funds." "But we'll both be fired if they find out what we've used it for." "All I ask is that you make sure the inauguration happens..." "Krister, I'm over here." "...and that it turns out great." "Okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "What do you say?" "What can I say?" "Will you marry me?" "No." "We still don't have a church." "No, but I have an idea." "Just a suggestion." "Okay?" "Do I come with you to Chinaman?" "Absolutely not." "He's bad news." "I'll do this." "Do I take this?" "Yes." "Are you going now?" "Yes, if you let it go." "I already did." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Good lord..." "Karani Road, please." "Mister Krister!" "You big player!" "You looking for a good bet?" "I know special bet." "Your favorite: cockfight!" "But it's easy." "Like taking candy from children." "Lord, I hope you can open your door for Einar." "He dearly wishes to be part of our community." "I baptize you, sinner, making you a clean and whole person." "In the name of the Father." "In the name of the Son." "And in the name of the Holy Spirit." "Lord, we thank you." "Lord, we praise you." "Because you take this sinner in your arms." "Stop flailing, goddamn it!" "Receive this brave soldier, who will fight for you against the evil of this treacherous world." "Amen!" "Welcome, my son, to Truth of Life." "Hallelujah!" "Hallelujah!" "Very nice singing." "Are you Baptists?" "This is Truth of Life." "The correct faith. "Baptists"..." "Do you want to join the choir?" "There are a lot of Swedes in it." "No, I'm also a priest." "In the Swedish Church." "Affirmative action?" "No." "Female priest in the Swedish Church..." "Who said the Lord doesn't have a sense of humor?" "We'd like to borrow your church." "Borrow my church?" "Yes." "The Swedish Prime Minister is coming for a visit." "Our church isn't finished." "We just want yours for a day." "And "we" means...?" "The Swedish parish." "Krister Hellstrand?" "Yes." "That man is a disgrace to all Scandinavians here in Phuket!" "Espen..." "He's a damned drunk and a gambler!" "I would rather lend my church to Satan himself than to Krister Hellstrand." "I'm sorry." "Espen hates Krister." "Because of Krister, some of our youth group lost their travel money on poker." "And he took them to Patong for a bar crawl." "For three days." "Sounds like Krister." "But they'd never had more fun." "He isn't gambling any more." "Krister?" "Thank the Lord!" "There you are." "We need to talk." "We do?" "Yes." "I spoke to Espen." "The Norwegian?" "He's a complete moron." "I was thinking we could borrow his church." "And?" "Well...he said no." "I get it." "He hates me, and he's not exactly on my top ten list." "Right." "I heard something about a poker game with the parish." "You took them for all they had." "That was chump change." "But I figured..." "Asking for forgiveness is a virtue." "Do I say I'm sorry for Espen's pimply kids never having seen a deck of cards?" "He might change his mind if you're a bit more apologetic." "Forget it." "Just apologize, and we can fix this." "What do you want?" "Why is this so important to you?" "Don't tell me you're all about good deeds." "You can make even good deeds sound terrible." "But sure..." "I've been promised a job if the inauguration goes well." "So you're not as holy as you seem." "I never claimed to be." "What's the job?" "My own parish." "Where?" "On Ingarö." "So you want a gingerbread church out on Ingarö Island?" "Anything wrong with that?" "No." "I never said there was." "But you give the impression that you want to do good deeds." "You hardly have Guatemalan street urchins out there on Ingarö." "If you want to do good, maybe you should look beyond a rural idyll." "You don't need to be homeless to ask for help." "Let me talk to you!" "Just..." "Stop and listen to me." "Me and my dad, we built that entire parish." "We held summer camps for kids who've never seen the sea." "Taken the elderly out for hot dogs, cotton candy and carousels!" "Given money to Lithuanian orphanages!" "Don't talk to me about good deeds!" "If I don't get that post..." "Listen up!" "Calm down!" "Are you saying that the Church Council will give you the job if you do this?" "Not overtly, but Susanne promised to put in a good word for me." "Susanne?" "Lindberg?" "Yes." "Do you know her?" "No." "We didn't have time to get to know each other." "She's my ex-wife." "I see." "I see." "Okay." "Are you guys fighting?" "Absolutely not." "As long as we stay half a world apart, it's fine." "She just happens to be a real bitch." "Well..." "Please, please, Krister..." "Could you talk to Espen, so that..." "No." "No?" "I just got 20,000 Dollars out for you to pay your debts!" "Hey, that money..." "Yes?" "Cock-a-doodle-doo, you know." "You'll get it back eventually." "Thank you so much." "Thanks for the help." "I use an ecological hand cream." "Feel this." "Because when I have a lot of gigs, I get calluses on my palms." "Go help out with Club Bamse." "What?" "Go help out with Club Bamse." "Now." "Where are you going?" "Where do you think you're going?" "Hi." "Is everything to your liking?" "Can I possibly go home tomorrow?" "Sure." "I'll set up your bill." "Can you help me get a taxi?" "Of course." "We'll handle it." "Excuse me." "Håkan!" "Turn that off!" "We're doing karaoke here." "Turn it off!" "Turn it off!" "We're doing karaoke." "Are you insane?" "I make my living with my ears!" "Go to the kids' pool now, or you're fired!" "You hired DJ Hawk, not a nanny!" "To the pool now!" "I'm allergic to chlorine!" "I don't care." "You can't make me!" "I'll call the union!" "Which one?" "The Clown union?" "You watch it!" "I'm on strike!" "Hey, Bamse!" "We're on strike now!" "Let's lockout all of this!" "Thanks, that's enough." "You can't fire me." "I quit." "Take this chicken shirt and dwarf shorts, and ram them somewhere." "You're not the boss of me anymore." "Get dressed!" "You can't make me." "There are guests here!" "I don't work here!" "Get out of here!" "Hey!" "I want to report an assault and a summary dismissal!" "You quit!" "I changed my mind." "Get dressed." "You're scaring the kids." "I could bust you for indecent exposure." "Get out of here!" "Can we practice some karaoke?" "Okay." "Hi, are you the preacher dude?" "Yes." "I'm in deep shit." "Are you now?" "The damned hotel won't pay me." "They're holding my stuff and clothes." "They claim that I emptied the mini bar." "Which I did." "But that should be an employee perk, right?" "How much does he want?" "What?" "Man, you're the best!" "Swedish church!" "You rock, man!" "250 Baht." "From the gentleman on the stage, Miss." "And I told Avicii..." "I think Stevie was there too." "Angello, I mean." "I said, "If you're playing tribal, you can't go below 128 BPM"." ""It doesn't work, man!" Do you think he listened?" ""No!" "I won't fucking listen to you!"" "What an idiot, right?" "Sounds rough." "Hey, take this key and go up to the apartment." "I'll be there later." "Round the corner and up the stairs." "Fucking priest of the priesters." "Fucking love you, man." "Well..." "If it isn't the Anti-Krister." "I know we've had it out a few times, but I am sorry about your youth group." "We seem to have different views on sin." "If you're asking to borrow my church, the answer is no." "Just like I told that woman who claims to be a priest." "I know you think women should be quiet in church, but..." "Can't we put this aside, just for a day?" "My church is for Christians only." "If you don't know that religion, go ahead google it." "Or read The Bible, if you've heard of it." "I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important to my parish." "What parish?" "I'd rather burn my church to the ground than lend it to you." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a flight to catch." "Screw you." "Well, at least I tried." "Would you like a drink, Krister?" "So this is where you're hiding?" "No, certainly not." "I didn't want to disturb the show." "What show?" "You're such a good singer." "Oh, stop." "Thank you." "Well, I think I'm going home tomorrow." "I see." "So that's how it turned out?" "Yeah." "I don't think I have a choice." "I'm sure you'll find something else." "Really?" "Yeah, maybe." "I just need to explain things to the Church Council." "And get a new job to pay that money back." "Does day care pay well?" "What money?" ""Ecumenical conference in Bangkok."" "He thinks that I don't know what he's doing." "You're saying he's..." "Not following the 6th commandment." "He has a lady in Pattaya too." "And probably one in Ko Samui." "Why do you think we had to leave Norway?" "Three paternity suits in a year." "That will ruin the best of parishes." "Three paternity suits?" "In one year." "Well, I'll be damned." "Do you want to borrow a church?" "Yes, but what about Espen?" "Espen is in Bangkok until Thursday." "Maybe we should have an ecumenical conference of our own?" "Well..." "Just the two of us." "I think that can be arranged." "Now or later?" "Or now and later?" "Now is fine." "I borrowed your undies!" "Oh my, this spot is wet!" "Why don't you go out and buy some chewing gum for a while?" "I get it." "Never mind that I need sleep to be creative." "Have a good time." "This is gorgeous!" "Thanks." "So this is how I live." "Welcome." "Thanks." "Well, look at that." "Hi there." "Nice fish." "Right?" "I used to have three, but he's the only one left." "How do you know it's a he?" "He told me." "His name is Ove." "Something to drink?" "Sure." "Beer?" "Yup." "That's all I have." "That will do." "I can have a tiny little beer..." "Cheers." "Cheers." "I'm just going to..." "Ove." "Ove." "A little lady boy." "Hello." "Oh, my goodness..." "No." "Ove?" "Hello?" "I sat down on the couch." "I hope that was okay?" "Yeah, sure." "You never know about couches." "Some people don't want you sitting on theirs." "But, look!" "Lots of...people playing hockey." "Yes, that's a hockey team." "So, do you play that kind of..." "That guy is wearing some protection..." "and has a mustache." "What's Ove doing on the floor?" "What?" "I'm sorry." "It's fine." "As a priest, maybe you'd like to say a few words?" "Absolutely." "Dear Ove..." "Dust to dust, earth to..." "No, that's not right." "Leave in peace." "It was good to get to know you." "Happy sailing." "Bye, Ove." "I am really sorry that I killed your fish." "I know." "You have to let me make it up to you." "That won't be necessary." "I insist." "I'll buy you a new one." "You don't have to." "Thank you for a nice evening." "Hey..." "No." "I'm sorry that I'm being so weird, but I get nervous and start babbling." "I haven't been with that many guys, so I get nervous, and you're so lovely." "With your natural curls, your necklace you drive a motorbike in shorts." "And you're nice." "What I wanted to say is that I really, really like you." "And "not that many guys" means two." "Or one and a half." "One fell asleep." "Carro, it's fine." "We can take it slow." "Okay." "Good." "Good morning." "Is he home?" "I haven't slept a wink." "They made so much noise I thought they'd bring the building down." ""They"?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." "What are you doing?" "Why do you ask?" "Did you sleep with Espen's wife?" "Yeah." "I think that's who she was." "I'm not going to judge you." "I just came to say goodbye." "I'm going home today." "Bye." "I got the church." "What?" "I got the church." "How?" "I thought Espen refused." "Espen isn't in town." "He's away." "He doesn't need to find out." "Did you screw your way to a church?" "Do you want the church or not?" "Yes, but..." "Okay." "Never mind." "No, of course I want the church." "This is the itinerary." "The delegation arrives at 3 PM on Wednesday." "Then your sermon is at 3:40 PM." "What's this?" "What does it say?" "The Prime Minister's entourage, embassy officials and Church Council members." "Can you read that to me?" ""Susanne"." "Is she coming here?" "Yes, she's on the Church Council." "That won't work." "I can't be in the same room as her, or on the same continent." "What's the problem?" "What actually happened?" "She met someone else and I moved to Thailand." "End of that fairy tale." "It just won't work." "How mature..." "Priesty, hey!" "Can you give us communion?" "I'm not confirmed." "Can you fix that?" "I wasn't even baptized!" "There you go." "All baptized, every one of you." "Give me another one, Bengt." "Just give me the bottle." "INGARÖ CHURCH" "Breakfast!" "Hello?" "Yeah, yeah." "Hi!" "Jump the line, rise and shine." "Time for action." ""Bleakfast"." "I can tell." "What happened?" "Sometimes it takes a while for me to get it." "Of course I want to show our lovely Swedish church to Susanne and the gang." "Our lovely Norwegian church." "Yes." "But once the bitch and the fossils go home, we can finish our church." "Maybe we can even have service one day." "Hi." "Are you Swedes?" "Welcome to the Swedish church." "You shouldn't be drinking in the middle of the day." "Not bad, right?" "Carola?" "I never believed it." "I did." "Lovely." "Krister?" "Please don't do this now!" "Please, I give you money later!" "20,000 Dollar!" "What did you do with the money?" "Damn!" "This worked out well." "Thanks for your help!" "Idiot!" "What happened?" "Krister, that's what happened!" "What the devil?" "Espen, you were due on Thursday." "Who the hell burned my church down?" "Was it you, you goddamned heathen?" "Espen!" "Wait!" "I can explain." "How do you explain this?" "I had sex with him." "Yes, I did." "And it was very good!" "In fact, it was amazing!" "Do you think I don't know what you're doing in Bangkok?" "See what you've done!" "You've turned her head!" "I know I'm a terrible human being with terrible moral fiber." "So why don't you pray for me, you dimwit?" "Are you leaving?" "Go ahead and leave!" "Hell!" "Leave!" "I don't want to see you again!" "Good morning!" "Rise and shine!" "Carro is right." "You are an idiot." "She took money from the church to help you." "So kill me." "Oh, that stings." "What the...?" "I told you not to do it." "What the hell is it?" "The hag you dragged around all night." "Håkan!" "Hello!" "Does she live here?" "It looks so nice!" "Hi." "Oh, damn..." "I don't remember anything at all." "I think I nearly swallowed a ping pong ball at that bar." "Remember that?" "And someone threw up on that Dane." "Yes, that was you." "How did we end up in jail?" "Could you be quiet for a second?" "I'm certain that I pointed to Al Pacino." "Hi, Krister." "A beer?" "No, I need something much stronger." "INGARÖ CHURCH" "Hi." "How are you doing?" "Fantastic." "How could I be such an idiot?" "How could I trust him?" "I feel like such a fool." "I'm such a moron!" "It's not your fault." "Krister probably feels like a heel." "I don't care about Krister." "He doesn't have to explain to Susanne and the church that the money is gone." "That's my job!" "Hey, is there anything I can do?" "I don't think anyone can do anything." "What time is it?" "There you go." "I have things to do before I debase myself in front of the Prime Minister." "I'll drive you." "Thank you." "Prime Minister in two minutes." "Good, I need to talk to her." "How many visitors are you expecting?" "A handful." "Isn't the church usually packed?" "Not this one, no." "Is anyone in the parish unstable?" "Oh, you bet." "But no lunatics, no." "Okay." "Any radicals?" "Is there any risk of protest?" "No, there isn't." "One last question: is there a God?" "What?" "That was a joke." "I see." "Hilarious." "Carola!" "Hi!" "Hi." "This is so exciting!" "Everything ready?" "Yes." "Or not really." "Listen, Susanne..." "We need to talk about Krister." "Where is he?" "He's..." "Krister is here." "Hello." "Hi there." "Hello." "Eva-Britt." "Carro Asplund." "A pleasure." "Eva-Britt." "Hello." "Welcome." "Hello there." "I am Krister." "Welcome, all of you." "Should we look at our little church?" "Yes, let's." "What are you doing, Krister?" "Hey, what have you done?" "Relax, Carola." "It will be fine." "Where are we going?" "To the church." "No, I want to get off." "Please stop!" "Relax." "Trust me." "It will be fine." "Nothing is impossible in Thailand." "You'll see." "What will you show them?" "You'll see." "Hello, guys!" "Welcome." "Just a brisk walk, and we'll be right there." "You built the church here?" "Maybe not "built"..." "Okay, this way." "What is this?" "Our new church." "It looks like a bar." "Do you think?" "Welcome, dear friends - and Susanne, to the Swedish congregation on Phuket." "We are honored to have a prominent visitor from back home." "The one and only Swedish Prime Minister, Eva-Britt Hammar..." "Hammarlind!" "He's not sober." "Let's get straight to the point." "No reason to delay." "So we ask our dear Prime Minister to inaugurate the Phuket Swedish Church." "Here you go." "Thank you." "This is nice." "I have been to many churches, but I don't think I've seen one like this." "This is embarrassing." "But I have learned one thing from all talented Swedes abroad:" "Never underestimate Swedish design." "I find this innovative, and it is exciting." "I hereby inaugurate the new Swedish Church on Phuket." "Come on in!" "The bar is open!" "The bar is open!" "Come on in!" "Don't be shy!" "Have you seen Krister?" "I'll go get a drink." "We'll talk later." "You bet!" "What dumb thing will you say now?" "You never change." "Sure I do." "This is the first time I've made a pass at a Prime Minister." "I won't ask what you've done with the money." "I don't care." "You wanted a church and got one." "Maybe you need to cool down." "You're fired." "I get that." "You were never a good priest." "And you were never a good wife." "So maybe I'll see you in ten years." "You can have this, meanwhile." "Hey." "Your job was to make sure this didn't turn into a spectacle." "I did what I could with Krister." "He's an idiot." "He hasn't changed one bit." "He's hopeless." "Absolutely." "He drinks too much." "Gambles too much." "He doesn't live by the church rules." "I know." "But we don't judge, do we, Susanne?" "That's what you taught me." "Regardless of what you might think, people here trust him." "That might be worth something, I guess." "I'll go get a beer." "Hey." "You start Monday." "What?" "Ingarö." "The job is yours." "But you said..." "The Prime Minister seems happy and the Church Council finds you competent." "But I thought..." "Do you want it?" "Or is something keeping you here?" "No, no!" "Nothing is keeping me here!" "I am so happy!" "Thank you!" "Hannes!" "Hannes!" "Congratulations!" "Thank you." "Yes!" "It's insane." "I can't believe it." "I got it." "So you're going home now?" "Yes." "That's right." "I understand how important it is to you." "Okay." "Okay." "But..." "Come with me." "What?" "Come with me." "Please?" "Please, come with me."