"(Carla) cheers  is filmed before a live studio audience." "Yeah, i'm sorry, sam." "All right, i'll tell miss howe." "What's the matter with sammy?" "Oh, he's not feelin' well." "He ain't gonna be in today." "Oh, a girl." "He probably won't be in tomorrow, either." "2 girls." "He might not be in the whole week." "The laker girls." "No, it's serious." "He thinks he might have chicken pox." "Chicken pox." "That's pretty painful for an adult, and highly contagious, too." "Ok, ladies, now, remember, no matter how much i beg you, don't scratch me." "Ok." "¶ Makin' your way intheworldtoday¶" "¶ takes everything you'vegot¶" "¶ taking a break from all your worries ¶" "¶ sure would help a lot" "¶ wouldn't you like togetaway¶" "¶ sometimes you want to go ¶" "¶ where everybody knowsyourname¶" "¶ and they're always gladyoucame¶" "¶ you wanna be whereyoucan see ¶" "¶ our troubles areallthe same¶" "¶ you wanna be whereeverybody knowsyourname¶" "¶ you wanna go wherepeopleknow¶" "¶ people are all the same" "¶ you wanna go whereeverybody knowsyourname¶" "[people chattering] lemme have a beer." "Sure." "Is sam around?" "No, uh, he's not feelin' well." "He won't be in today." "What's wrong?" "Well, i miss him." "Hey, hey, carla, check it out." "Look who's here." "Oh, my god." "Yeah." "Darryl mead, number 43 for the sox." "Batted .270" "last year." "And you should see him in a pair of leather chaps." "When did you ever see him in a pair of leather chaps?" "Last night in my hot, sweaty dreams." "Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait now-- yeah." "It was rodeo night!" "Yahoo!" "[Whooping] whoo-hoo!" "So go, uh, go over there and ask him out, huh?" "What do you say?" "No, i couldn't do that." "Come on!" "Come on, carla." "No, i'm not the kind of girl who can just walk up to some guy and say, "hi."" "Why, carla, what a refreshing thing to hear from someone like you." "Well, why bother sayin' hi when it's tattooed on your thigh?" "Where were you when i was in college?" "Carla!" "Oh, darryl!" "You remembered me." "How could i forget?" "You know, i saw you last night." "You were sensational." "We didn't play a game last night." "Well, you sure scored." "So, carla, are you still married?" "No, i'm a widow now." "My husband passed away several months ago." "Oh, gee, carla, i'm so sorry." "Yeah." "I remember seein' eddie play hockey." "He was the quickest goalie on the ice." "I'm really sorry about your loss." "Yeah, thanks." "It's been a few months, but i'm still wearin' black." "No, you're not." "Darryl, trust me." "Beer?" "Yeah." "All right." "Hey." "Yeah, look's like, uh, cupid just shot his arrow through carla's heart." "Yeah, yeah." "Hey, uh, when did carla get a heart?" "Well, kudos to carla." "It's healthy after a time to curtail one's grieving and recommence an interest in the opposite sex." "I know if my frasier were taken from me in an unforeseen tragedy, i would certainly date again after an acceptable period of bereavement." "That gives me a warm, fuzzy." "There'd be no sense in being overly emotional, darling." "You'd be dead and rotting in a box." "Woody, may i have another beer, and, uh, would you check on the robot over there, see if it's thirsty?" "Hey, dr." "Crane, that's your wife." "Don't talk about her like that." "What can i get you, dr." "Sternin-crane, another quart of valvoline?" "[All guffawing] oh, look, you people, stop it." "[In staccato] i am not a robot." "[Door closing] guess what, you guys?" "I'm gonna be on television." "All right." "What for?" "Because i wrote a letter to consumer patrol." "Ho!" "Consumer patrol, withyourhost,art stickler." "Oh, no, no, no, no." "Don't you remember, art stickler got killed last month testing that new electric blanket." "He got electrocuted, huh?" "No, no, no." "His wife shot him when she found him under it with his secretary." "They've been off the air for somethin' like a month, searching for a new host." "Whereas lilith would have found one the next day." "So, what were you complaining' about, miss howe?" "Thank you for asking, woody." "Last month i purchased a lady baldy." "A what?" "It's this electronic device for women, and it's used to pull leg hairs out by the roots." "I'm telling you, this monster chewed my legs to bits." "Oh." "You know, and consumer patrol hashadalot ofreports fromotherwomen about the exact same thing, but they chose me to appear on television." "You must have written a very eloquent letter." "Yes, i think i did." "Also, i took a piece of stationery and smacked it against my bloody, mangled legs and sent them that, too." "Guys, you're not going to believe this." "What?" "Darryl mead just asked me out again." "All right!" "You and darryl mead." "That is h-o-t." "I know!" "Boy, you know, this feels weird." "What?" "My first date since eddie's death." "Carla, it's perfectly natural to be reticent about reentering the dating scene, but you've--you've mourned a respectful amount of time." "You know, i know of some women who would shimmy right out of their black dress and start flirting with the embalmer." "And, now, i think it's time for you to take those first tentative steps back into social interaction, and, dare i say it, uh, romance." "You know, frase, you're right." "Eddie's gone, and i'm here." "Come on, darryl, let's barrel." "Great." "Let me just settle up." "All right." "I'll get a cab." "[Shrieking] carla, what is it?" "Nothing." "Guess it was just the wind." "All right, lilith, let's just have out with it, once and for all." "Should i pass on, just who is it you'd be smacking your lips at over my open casket?" "For god's sake, frasier, all right." "If you were to die, i would weep for days on end, wear black till the end of my life, and never, ever, ever let another man touch me as long as i live." "This i would do in loving remembrance of you." "Ok?" "Now, was that so hard?" "Hey, you guys, what do you think?" "Is this dress all right for consumer patrol?" "Why wouldn't it be?" "Well, i'm just afraid that the audience might be so distracted by my dress that they won't listen to what i have to say." "No, that's ridiculous." "Just state your case." "All these people care about is the grievous, bodily damage that this product has inflicted on your sensitive... firm... milky white flesh." "I just hope i'm prepared." "I don't want this guy to throw me any curve balls." "Well, you want me to ask you some practice questions?" "Oh, sure." "If you don't mind." "No." "No problem." "Let's see, uh, ok, i got it." "Now, when you purchased the lady baldy, you knew full well that it pulls hairs out by the root, correct?" "Yes, i did." "Then, wouldn't you have to be a complete idiot not to expect some irritation or discomfort?" "Come on, what's your answer?" "We're on television, thousands of people are watching." "Ok, ok, well, i guess-- oh, you guess?" "Great, great, you guess!" "Hey, this is a news show." "We're here for the facts." "All right, so the facts are-- [imitates buzzer sounding] too late." "They've gone to commercial." "You're what was." "Woody, that was a mean, vicious streak." "I've never seen that side of you." "Where does that come from?" "Well, our theater's doin' a production of 12 angry men." "Yeah?" "Yeah, we've only got 6, so we have to be, like, twice as furious." "Hi, guys." "Oh, back so soon from your date with darryl mead?" "Yeah." "I left darryl at the restaurant." "Feelin' kind of funny." "Uh-oh." "You're not comin' down with somethin', are you?" "Are you comin' down with sam's chicken pox?" "No." "I just keep seein' my dead husband, eddie, everywhere." "Is he covered with spots?" "Carla, when you say you keep seeing eddie, wha-- just what do you mean?" "Just what i said." "I was havin' dinner with darryl." "All of a sudden, i look down, and i start seein' eddie's face everywhere." "It was so strange." "I looked at my steak, i see eddie's face." "I look at my broccoli, i see eddie's face." "Well, we've all seen that." "I mean, let's face it." "Eddie looked like broccoli." "What a terrible experience, carla." "Um, what do you suppose triggered this bizarre apparition?" "Well, it's obvious, isn't it?" "Eddie's spirit does not want me to be on that date." "He's come back from beyond the grave to tell me not to go out with darryl mead." "Oh, carla, you can't be serious." "I mean, ghouls do not rise from their resting place just to ruin your dating life." "Well, vera did." "Now, why wouldn't eddie want you to go out with darryl?" "I don't know, but there must be a good reason." "Anyway, i get the message, eddie." "You hear that?" "I'm not goin' out with darryl mead." "Ok?" "Thanks for the warning." "Feel free to rest in peace now." "[Laughs] well." "Glad that's over with." "[Sighing] so what'll it be?" "[Shrieking] [gasping] [exclaiming] [shrieking]" "[glasses tinkling] no!" "No!" "Carla, it's all right." "He's over there!" "He's over there!" "He's over there!" "Now, listen, carla." "Carla?" "Carla, listen to me." "No!" "Listen to me." "Open your eyes and look around." "Now, you see?" "Nobody's there." "Oh, the dead!" "Oh, no, carla, carla, that's lilith!" "Granted, she could use a little sun." "Now, carla." "Ca-carla, um, here, carla," "i'm sorry." "I'm sorry, carla." "I--i should have warned you." "How's the toe, dr." "Crane?" "Oh, not so good, woody." "Thanks." "I should have warned you about the-- the tricks the mind can play on one during periods of emotional transition." "Oh, it wasn't a trick, frasier." "I saw him." "I saw eddie." "He was-- he was everywhere." "I mean, this bar was lousy with eddies." "(All) ooh!" "He's got somethin' to tell me." "And, it's more than just me going out with darryl." "I mean, he's got a message from beyond the grave, and he's not gonna rest until he tells me what it is." "Carla, listen to me." "I think it's important that you talk with someone." "Oh, yes." "Frasier, i gotta talk to somebody." "I'd be glad to give you a list of reputable doctors, who'd be willing to give you treatment on a sliding scale." "The important thing is seeking the aid of a competent professional." "Right." "Hello, madame lazora?" "This is carla lebec." "I want to make an appointment to speak with the dead." "Speak with the dead?" "You can't be serious." "I got to find out what eddie's tryin' to tell me." "Oh, great." "Thank you." "Ok, i'll see you then." "Boy, she's good." "She knew i was gonna call." "Carla, this psychic business i-i-it's just a crutch to avoid reality." "I mean, it's very easy for people to get hooked on this hocus-pocus, and it-- well, before you know it, this woman will be holding your hand once a week, charging you $100 an hour," "and filling your mind with all sorts of confusing jargon." "And how is that different from you?" "Well, um... i can prescribe drugs." "(Rebecca on t.V.) Andobviously,dennis, i'm not alone in my belief that the company thatmanufactures theladybaldy is irresponsible, unconscionable, and simply out foraquickbuck ." "He's being way too easy on her." "I'd have had her in tears by now." "Well, miss howe, asyouknow, our crack staff hastracedthrough numerousfalsefronts to unearth the culprit." "Fine." "I say we have them huntednaked through the streets bydogs." "And we have succeeded inlearningthat themakersoftheladybaldy is lesco ventures." "Ladies and gentlemen, write that down." "Boycott all lescoventures'products." "Which is merely a subsidiary ofamajorconglomerate owned by millionaire financierrobincolcord." "Nailed her!" "Yes!" "Miss howe, you'llbe pleasedtoknow  we've submitted a formal complaintin yourname to colcord industries." "Oh." "I didn't wanna complain." "Why would i complain?" "This is a wonderful product." "Look." "[Epilator buzzing] now, you see that?" "[Moaning] you see how smooth and silky... there." "Um, miss howe-- and another thing, dennis, if you don't quit harassing thegoodpeople whoworkfor ladybaldy, well, then i'm afraid i 'mgonnahaveto takeactionagainstyou." "Dennis, do you have a stypticpencil?" "So, carla, what do we have to look forward to when madame lazora arrives this evening?" "A group of us holding hands in a circle around 13 black candles while the ghost of houdini leads us in a rousing rendition of don't get around muchanymore?" "Frasier, if i might say so, a good scientist does not close his mind to alternatives, especially when it comes to the welfare of a patient." "Oh, that's very open-minded, lilith." "This, from a woman who has left and right sock drawers." "A person can have different-sized feet." "We've had this discussion." "Carla." "Oh, madame lazora." "It's so good of you to come on short notice." "My pleasure." "So, this is your workplace." "It's just as you described it." "The faces of the dead linger here." "Whoa!" "Boy, oh, boy." "You mean you're in, uh, contact with the spirits already?" "No, i was talking about lard butts like yourself." "Have a seat." "I'm getting things ready over there." "Thank you." "Madame lazora, i'm dr." "Frasier crane, scientist, and, a rational human being." "I feel it's my duty to warn you that i'm going to be watching you, madame, with a jaundiced eye, ready to expose you at the sign of the first floating head." "Oh, i'm shaking." "Young man, if you are not careful, you are about to lose a sum of money in the near future." "That is amazing." "How'd she know that?" "Maybe it's the wallet hanging out of your back pocket." "Wow." "Coincidence?" "I think not." "Uh, madame lazora, let's get this show on the road." "Everything's ready over here." "Uh, madame lazora, i'm dr." "Lilith sternin-crane." "Would you permit me to observe quietly?" "I'm fascinated with the notion of parapsychological phenomena." "Well, if carla has no objection." "You see, for my purposes, the psychic flow is stronger, it's more condensed surrounded by people who have potent spiritual energy." "Yeah, well, you don't have to ask me twice." "No way." "No, no, no, carla, it's fine." "He will attract the negative energy away from the rest of us like a lightning rod." "Glad to do my part." "You." "You have a nice pink aura." "Well, i, uh, eat right." "Good." "Sit." "Now, could you kindly dim the lights a little, please?" "Now, i want you all to concentrate on the deceased, and i will attempt to summon his spirit into our midst." "I'm scared." "Norm, hold my hand." "All right." "You got it." "Woods, hold my hand." "Um, lilith, could you please pass me a straw?" "We call upon the spirit of the deceased, guy edward lebec." "Sweet spirits, we await you." "Eddie, speak to carla." "[Slurping]" "sorry." "Eddie." "Eddie lebec." "Why isn't he answering, madame lazora?" "Better you should ask the wind why it blows, or it does not blow." "Ok." "Cliff, why isn't he answering?" "Uh, well, if you'll excuse me, madame lazora, the ectoplasmic membrane-- wait, wait, wait." "I sense something." "I--i feel a presence." "[Glasses tinkling] oh, my god!" "It's ed!" "Eddie's returned." "[Jingling] made you look, made you look!" "Frasier, don't be such an insensitive clod." "Oh, come on!" "This is ridiculous!" "You know, there is a reason why she can't contact him." "You've all overlooked one important thing." "The man is dead, people!" "Was i the only one at the funeral, hmm?" "I mean, this is a sham." "This woman is a fake, a charlatan, a mountebank." "How dare you criticize my spiritualist?" "Do you think it's easy to communicate with the dead?" "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it isn't her fault?" "Maybe eddie doesn't want to be raised." "Maybe he doesn't have anything to say to me." "Maybe he hasn't been spooking me at all." "How do you know that the problem isn't all in my head?" "Did you ever think of that, mr." "Big-time shrink?" "Maybe i'm just conjuring up all these images of eddie because i'm afraid to go out on my first date in 3 years." "Eddie." "Eddie is here." "Eddie says, "you are right, carla."" "Oh." "It's a miracle." "You're a genius." "Oh, for the love of god." "You saw it." "You just choose not to believe." "Why do i come in here?" "Perhaps for a little free seance action?" "I'm spent." "Eddie has passed over." "The spirits have left us." "May they rest in peace." "The seance is over." "Well, thank you." "That was really somethin', huh, cliffie?" "Oh, yeah, i'll say." "Boy, i--i--i seen fire, and i seen rain." "Cliff, everyone's seen fire and rain." "Oh." "Well, then, i guess i got nothin' to say." "I tell ya, tonight really made a believer out of me." "Really?" "Yep." "From now on, it's beer through a straw." "Here's your check, madame lazora." "It's worth every penny of it." "Thank you." "Thank you." "You see, doctor?" "15 minutes, $250, and that's take-home." "I don't pay taxes." "I'm not a citizen." "If you'll excuse me, i'm off to my jaguar." "I left it on a loading zone." "I would hate to lose it." "I paid cash." "A jaguar." "She's gonna have problems." "Well, i gotta be goin'." "I'm gonna try to catch up with darryl." "Carla, i'm glad to see you've made your peace with the great beyond." "(Carla) yeah." "Now i'm gonna go grab a piece of the great behind." "Go with grace, sweet spirit."