"The ball's in your court." "If you sign,I'll sign and be on the first plane out of here." "Would you like to go outwith me tonight?" "The hospital grants you four months to retake the medical board exam." "What happens if I don't passthe second time?" "You will no longer be a surgical resident at seattle grace." "You look great." "Thanks." "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "You ready to go?" "I didn't lie." "You withheld the truth." "How did I know you were" "I distinctly remember you breaking things off with me." "Dr. Yang." "Cristina" "It was an extrauterine pregnancy." "She's bleeding out." "I don't think I'm supposed to be here." "No." "No, you're not." "I don't want someone who doesn't want me, Meredith, but if there's the slightest chance that he does I'm not leaving seattle." "pain comes in all forms..." "I had a good time." "Really." "Thank you." "It was justthe perfect evening." "Best date ever." "Ever." "Izzie." "You know, I especially liked the part where you treated me like crap the entire night." "That was fun." "I had a good time." "Really?" "Yeah." "The small twinge,a bit of soreness,the random pain, the normal pains we live with every day..." "I gotta go." "Seriously?" "Seriously?" "Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore." "Seriously?" "A level of pain so great." "That it blocks out everything else... oh, I was sleeping." "Oh, shut up." "makes the rest of the world fade away..." "I don't want to have this conversation again." "Meredith." "You didn't sign the divorce papers." "Fine." "I get it." "End of discussion." "Meredith." "What?" "!" "Until all we can think about..." "Is how much we hurt..." "I usually just say "meredith," and then you yell at me." "I haven't thought past that point." "I actually didn't have anything planned." "How we manage our pain is up to us." "Hey, stop it!" "Seriously?" "!" "Seriously?" "Seriously?" "This is a very small bed." "He's a brain surgeon." "I look fantastic." "I shaved my legs." "He's a brain surgeon." "How can he be so brainless?" "Hello?" "Seriously." "Seriously." "Shh." "pain... we anesthetize,ride it out, embrace it,ignore it... and for some of us,the best way to manage pain is just to push through it." "You're drippin'." "I'm back.I just wanna make that clear." "I'm back." "I'm ready to work." "Has anyone seen dr." "Shepherd this morning?" "His name's on the O.R. Board." "He should be here somewhere." "I'm good.I'm ready to scrub in." "I'm 100% on top of my game." "You just got discharged.Pace yourself." "I'm paced." "I'm paced." "Mm-hmm." "Rounds, people." "What?" "You're not talkin' to me anymore?" "Okay, what happened last night?" "What is going on with you?" "I'm fine." "What's your problem?" "Fine." "You know what, alex?" "No, I'm not talking to you anymore." "Ahem." "Dr. Bailey?" "Henry lamott, age 42 is scheduled with dr." "Shepherd for a spinal implant to control the pain of his herniated disc, is allergic to all pain medication." "is that... porn." "Porn?" "As in "porn"?" "All right." "What are we watching?" "Karev, go stand in the hall." "Uh, mr." "And mrs." "Lamott I'm sure you are really nice people, and what you do in the privacy of your own-- look, we can't have porn in here." "This is a hospital." "It's for my pain." "My doc says it releases endorphins in the brain, and it helps keep my pain at a manageable level." "Really?" "george--hall." "Yeah." "what is this?" ""Nasty, naughty nurses..."" "um, "4."" "that does not look comfortable." "Trust me, it's not." "Get in the hall." "nobody knows where they might end up nobody knows" "Oh, oh suppose you'll never know" "o'malley, karev,you're in the pit today." "Stevens,there's a cardiac patient waiting for you up on two." "Yang, keep an eye on the lamotts." "I don't want any problems." "Go." "Grey, your mother's being discharged this evening." "You've made arrangements, or do you need more time?" "The nursing home is coming at 8." "All right." "Then you're with shepherd--derek shepherd today." "Hey, life is short.Times are hard." "The road is long with many a winding turn." "He asked for you.Take it up with him." "Okay." "Pete willoughby,25-year-old G.S.W. To the chest." "Immediate return of 860 C.C.S of blood... oh, man, this hurts." "He's put out more than 200 C.C.S over the past hour." "They never tell you in movies how much it hurts to get shot." "Push morphine, 2 milligrams." "Alex, this is my case." "Morphine, 5 milligrams." "You didn't even call him." "I don't have to call him." "I was here first." "You got here first because I let you." "Where's the chest films?" "Unh.I got 'em." "You always get the surgery." "Today,I'm getting a surgery." "Guys, knock it off." "He's one of seattle's finest." "You've got an entire police force watching you." "page dr." "Burke." "Let him know I'm bringin' up a G.S.W." "That we are bringing up a G.S.W." "Looks like you'll be able to go home today, ellis." "But I still have patients to see." "No." "No more patients." "I'll be back to check on you later, okay?" "You should know I'm thinking of leaving that cher." "I should never have married him." "I'll leave him, you leave adele." "Then when our residency's over, we can both get jobs at the same hospital." "Why don't you get her meds ready for discharge, nurse?" "Thank you." "Dr. Chin, two west." "Dr. Chin, two west." "Ellis... that was a long time ago, remember?" "We had this discussion 21 years ago." "Think about it, richard." "We should make the break now." "If we wait until residency's over, you'll be at one hospital, and I'll be at another." "We could end up at opposite ends of the country." "It'll be too late." "meredith." "Your wife is looking for you." "Oh, my god." "This is hard for me, meredith." "Well, let me make it easy, then." "I'm not gonna be that woman-- the one who breaks up a marriage or begs you to want me." "You can sign the papers or you cannot." "The choice is yours." "Either way, when it comes to this relationship, I'm out." "Now where's this patient I'm supposed to be helping you with?" "Down there." "You shouldn't have tried to walk the dog in the rain." "Oh, lou, it wasn't the rain." "I just passed out." "Actually, mrs." "Bradley-- verna." "Verna, you presented with lateral S.T. Elevations and reciprocal inferior changes consistent with an M.I." "A heart attack." "oh, my god." "Lou, don't worry." "Come on.I've had these little chest pains before, and it turned out to be nothing." "This is nothing." "Lou, not in front of the doctor." "I've had a twinge in my back for awhile." "I thought it would go away, but then last night,my legs went numb, and this morning, my back-- the pain is just too much." "Ms. Chue, let me put you on a P.C.A. Pump, give you some morphine, which should help control the pain." "Thank you." "But there's a greater problem here." "I've just taken a look at your M.R.I." "Anna... why didn't you call us before coming down here?" "I'm sorry." "These are my parents." "Hi." "What's going on?" "I was just about to explain that anna's M.R.I." "Has shown that she has a myxopapillary ependymoma-- it's a tumor in her spinal canal, but the good news is that we can operate." "You have a 95% chance of fully recovering if we get you into surgery as soon as possible." "We can't wait another moment." "With a tumor this aggressive, even waiting another day puts you at risk for permanent paralysis." "Father?" "No." "No surgery." "Mr. Chue, without surgery, anna will be paralyzed probably within the next 24 hours." "There'll be no surgery today." "We're taking her home." "Anna needs the surgery." "Then she can have it at another time." "Look, mr." "Chue-- we are taking our daughter home." "Anna, you've over 18." "You don't need your father's consent." "I'm hmong, and my father is the elder." "If he says I go home,I go home." "Hmong?" "Let's find out what that means." "Okay.Contact social services." "See if we can get somebody down here to talk to him." "Do I continue to process her discharge?" "Yeah, we have to.It's insane, but we have to." "It reminds me of this case I had in new york one time where this woman came to the office-- look, do you need me for anything else work related?" "Look, I was married for 11 years." "Addison is my family." "That is 11 thanks givings,11 birthdays and 11 christmases, and in one day, I'm supposed to sign a piece of paper and end my family?" "A person doesn't do that-- not without a little hesitation." "I'm entitled to a little uncertainty here." "Just a moment to understand the magnitude of what it means to cut somebody out of my life." "I'm entitled to at least one moment...of painful doubt." "And a little understanding from you would be nice." "Dr. Shepherd,still here, I see." "I couldn't leave you." "Have you seen the other dr." "Shepherd?" "I'll tell him you're lookin' for him." "So thanks for, you know,being there." "No thanks needed." "Okay." "So where are we?" "Uh, the northeast corner of the hospital." "Oh, I-I'm getting back on my feet." "Fine." "But that doesn't mean that--cristina." "It's my first day back." "I'm not waiting forever." "Hey, karev and o'malley are bringing up a G.S.W." "You want to scrub in?" "No can do.No extra work." "I'm trying to get out of here at a decent hour tonight." "What, you got a date?" "Yes." "Yes, I do." "A handsome man is whisking me away to a love nest for the weekend." "You got shot in the line of duty?" "First month on the job." "Can you believe my luck?" "Guy pulls a gun,and I freeze up the rookie let himself get shot." "I'm never gonna live this down." "Sure, you will." "You think?" "Absolutely." "Hey, I got verna bradley's tests back." "I don't think she had a heart attack." "Yeah, but look at the changes in her E.K.G. She had somethin'." "Yeah, but her serial enzymes and dobutamine stress echo came back negative." "I actually think she's fine." "Get a cardiac cath." "Izzie, be thorough." "I am thorough." "so, dude,what's the deal with izzie?" "She shaved her legs for you." "And?" "And you didn't even kiss her good night." "She shaved her legs for you,and you didn't follow through?" "Hey, I follow through.I always follow through." "You didn't last night." "Mind your own business." "Mind-- she had expectations." "Women have expectations,and you didn't meet them." "Hey, I live with these women, and every time you guys don't meet their expectations," "I have to hear about it.I didn't get any sleep last night." "So, you know,it is my business." "dude, we're not moving." "Really?" "Ya think?" "You know how long a surgical scar takes to heal." "You must be in pain." "You should take something." "Drugs are for babies." "I hate alex." "And the non sequitur award goes to..." "I'm sorry." "I hate alex." "I broke up with derek." "Burke wants to have a relationship." "Boys are stupid." "Yep." ""If elevator should stop,do not become alarmed."" ""Press the button marked 'alarm' to summon assistance."" "If they don't want us to be alarmed, then why call the button "alarm?"" "That didn't work the last five times you did it." "Get it through your head." "We've lost power.We're stuck here." "Oh." "You okay?" "His pressure's falling." "Alex, there's a lot more of his blood in the pleurovac." "We need to get him to the O.R." "Okay, you're whispering." "Don't whisper." "I mean, look, I don't wanna complain here, but I got a bullet in my chest, and whispering isn't a sign that I'm going to be a-okay,you know?" "Damn it, it's out." "It's bad." "It's bad, right?" "Someone's gonna get us out of here." "Don't worry." "How are we doing?" "Oh, can you move me to another room?" "The lights and the tv went out." "Power outage in the east wing." "They'll have it back on soon." "You're not a critical patient." "You'll be fine here." "Oh, god, well,what am I gonna do?" "You mean... without my porn?" "Read a book.Talk to your wife." "No, school closed early because of the storm." "She had to pick up the kids." "She won't be back until after dinner." "Well, I'm sure you can find some normal way of amusing yourself." "I need my porn!" "Yeah." "Lightning hit a substation." "We're running on backup generators." "One of them's down." "Richard, breathe." "The only direct means of transporting patients from the E.R. To the O.R.Isn't working." "Don't tell me to breathe." "I'll breathe if I wanna breathe." "The car's between floors." "how bad is it?" "Two interns and a G.S.W.To the chest." "Good air in.bad air out." "Come on, people.Get those doors open." "it's jammed up.I won't open anymore." "All right." "Move, move." "This is as wide as it goes." "What did you two do?" "Nothing!" "how's the patient?" "He's not looking so good." "Why do the lights keep flickering?" "Something about a backup generator." "This pump will provide you with a morphine drip, and it should stop your pain." "I-I told you I don't need it.I'm going home." "You realize you'll have to sign an A.M.A. Form stating that you're leaving against medical advice." "Fine." "I know this is new and confusing." "I called a social worker, and she's willing to come down and talk to you." "Spare me your white girl cultural divide love." "I grew up down the street from here." "I play in a band." "I went to u-dub." "I get it." "But my father doesn't." "He says no, it's no." "We're talking about your ability to ever walk again." "That's what you're talking about." "I'm talking about my family." "Have you ever even heard of the hmong people?" "Our religion has got rules that are way old and way set in stone and way spiritual and you don't mess with them." "You don't anger the ancestors... even if you pierce your tongue and play in a band." "What are the rules exactly?" "All I.C.U. Patients are goin' to the south wing." "All telemetry and step-down patients, north wing." "You paged me." "Porn as pain management?" "You met henry." "Yeah, there are a lot of different theories as to how to treat pain." "Porn as pain management?" "Look, it's possible that pornography, like art and music, can stimulate the brain to produce endorphins that minimize pain." "Porn as pain management." "I didn't prescribe it.It wasn't me." "take it up with the treating physician." "If that man turns out to be some sort of sex weirdo,it's on you." "That's all I'm sayin'." "Oh, and your wife's lookin' for you." "I know." "Derek." "Yes." "You need to talk to anna's father." "I'd do it myself,but I guess having testicles is a requirement." "What happened to social services?" "According to anna,they can't help us." "Apparently,anna's father believes she's missing something that she needs for surgery." "Missing something?" "Missing what?" "One of her souls." "We don't need a social worker.We need a shaman." "A shaman?" "Cardio tells me your cath went just fine." "Is that much bruising normal?" "Your wound looks good,mrs." "Bradley, and so do the results on your cath." "You don't have any blockage in your arteries." "Which means?" "You definitely did not have a heart attack." "So I can go home?" "Not yet." "Your E.K.G. Shows significant changes, and I'm going to find out why before you leave the hospital." "Hey, pete,what are you doin'?" "I have to get home." "Pete, you're in the hospital." "I need to get home." "I need to get home." "What's his blood pressure?" "It's not reading.He's too agitated." "How's his pulse?" "It's thready,but it's still there." "Do you have any instruments in there?" "Just the code box and some gloves." "You didn't bring an open chest tray?" "No, we thought-- you don't have time for excuses.O'malley, blood pressure." "I've taken it three times." "And?" "I can't hear a systolic over 50." "He's gonna die." "Intubate him.I'll be right back." "Wait." "Where are you going?" "To get an instrument tray." "You guys are going to have to open up his chest." "Are you sure about that?" "No." "When's burke coming back?" "When is dr." "Burke coming back?" "Alex?" "Oh, would you shut up?" "mr." "Chue... you want to take anna home for a healing ritual?" "When sickness comes, it means that one of our souls is missing." "Anna needs to have her souls intact before she has surgery." "She needs a shaman." "You could have told me that." "Why, so you could call me a fool?" "I respect that you have traditions that I can't understand, but you're standin' beside me in a $3,000 suit, so I also know that you respect the fact that I'm telling you" "Anna needs the surgery in the next 24 hours if she's going to continue to walk." "She can't leave this hospital." "She can't undergo surgery without her soul." "She'd die." "All right, then." "We're just gonna have to get a shaman--today--in the hospital." "Shamans aren't listed in the yellow pages." "Our shaman is 500 miles from here." "You are an arrogant man." "No." "I'm just a guy with access to a helicopter." "Thank you." "Finding her soul won't be easy." "It never is." "this is unconscionable." "There's not enough power to move those elevators?" "They're doin' what they can to replace the backup generator now." "Fire department's is standing by." "All critical patients?" "Moved to the south wing." "Incoming trauma?" "Rerouted to mercy west." "That backup generator should've been replaced last year." "Yes, sir." "Why didn't it happen?" "Chief, you'D... have to ask maintenance." "I wouldn't know." "Dr. Bailey, you know everything." "Tell me whose butt to kick." "That would be your butt, chief." "You didn't authorize the replacement generator, saving money for the new M.R.I. Machine." "Um..." "I need to get on back on down to the..." "O.R." "Hey." "This isn't gonna be too sterile, but we can still try." "Prep and drape the patient." "Hey, can you get me copies of all verna bradley's medical records?" "And page me.I'll be on the O.R. Floor." "hey, where, um, hey, where are you two going so fast?" "Burke is talking george and alex through heart surgery in the elevator." "Shepherd's setting up a shaman healing ritual." "Rock on." "I have porn guy." "Help, please." "Mr. Lamott,what's wrong?" "your pressure's elevated." "Your pulse is racing." "You're really in pain." "What'd you think?" "Are you telling me the porn actually sedated you?" "What do you think,I'm some kind of pervert, watching that stuff in front of you?" "yes." "Oh, okay." "Okay." "You're allergic to most narcotics and nsaids." "I-I suppose, uh,we could try droperidol and diphenhydramine." "That put me into a coma last year." "Well, um,I can get an anesthesiologist down here." "Oh, no, but with your surgery tomorrow," "I don't think he'll give you an epidural block." "What am I gonna do?" "Uh, hold on." "We're really gonna do this?" "Take these." "Karev, take the scalpel." "Alex, come on." "Alex." "Ventilate." "I got it." "What do I do?" "Make a large anterolateral midaxillary incision in the fifth intercostal space." "How--how large?" "as long as possible.You need to get two hands in there." "It needs to be long and deep." "Use the scissors if you have to." "Okay." "But be sure you don't cut into the lung or heart." "How can I be sure of that?" "You just have to be sure." "We're not in kansas anymore." "Your shaman's late." "My shaman is never late." "can you guys see anything?" "Poor george." "He doesn't have the steadiest hands." "Izzie." "Yeah." "He can hear you." "o'malley...how you doin' down there?" "the fire department's here.They can get the doors open." "No." "Nobody moves." "Nobody works on the elevator." "I have an open chest and a very nervous intern in there." "Keep them back until I give the word." "Okay, guys, we're not... o'malley..." "I didn't cut the heart or the lungs." "Dr. Burke, I didn't cut the heart or the lungs." "Okay, good, good." "Good, o'malley." "Really good." "Now check for injuries and do a pericardiotomy." "I'll need some lap pads,forceps, metzenbaums and satinsky clamps." "Yes, you will." "You tell anyone I did this for you, not only will I kill you, I will sell your body parts for cash." "Okay." "So...there were these women-- nurses--three nurses" "And they were...naughty." "They're really,really naughty." "They were three naughty nurses." "Saucy even--they were saucy and bad anand naughty." "Three saucy, bad,naughty nurses-- they were taking a shower together." "Soaping each other up, and then this doctor walks in, and he sees these three naughty, bad nurses with these great big... mrs." "Bradley, do you realize that you've been admitted to the hospital on this date for the past seven years?" "Oh, that can't be." "I don't remember the date exactly, but" "I have the medical records." "On this date for the past seven years, you have what looks like a heart attack." "No." "No.I know I've had some scares,but I don't-- every year on this date?" "Is there some significance to this date for you personally?" "No." "Nothin'." "What were you doing the first year, the first time you had a cardiac episode?" "Oh, who can remember back that far?" "We were in the yard." "I remember because our neighbor-- what was his name?" "Ted." "That's right." "He died Of an aneurysm, I think." "And we watched as the funeral home people took him away, and you had your first attack." "And you were close to ted?" "No." "Oh, we barely knew ted." "Well, that was all very sad, but what does that have to do with verna's heart?" "I removed a small clot from the pericardium." "No obvious cardiac injuries." "Any change in the vitals?" "B.P.'S still too low to register on the monitor." "We need to cross-clamp the aorta." "Stick your hand in and bluntly dissect down until you feel two tube-like structures." "The esophagus will be more medial and anterior." "Um, I feel one tube that's easily collapsible, and the other's, uh,more muscular and spongy." "I can feel the spine just underneath it." "Yes!" "You're touching the aorta." "I'm touching the aorta." "Wrap the index finger of your left hand around it and apply a satinsky clamp with your right hand." "Got it." "Wait, I-I think I can localize the bleeding." "I think it's coming from the inferior vena cava." "Can you find the lesion?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I think I can feel it." "It's too far in to repair." "How big is it?" "Small.Maybe smaller than a dime." "Okay, o'malley, I want you to take your finger and plug the hole." "I think I can feel his heart starting to fill more." "It's beating a little stronger." "Excellent." "Keep your finger there." "Okay." "Now what?" "That's it." "That's it?" "I just stand here with my finger plugging the hole?" "Until we can get you out of that elevator and into the O.R." "Dr. Bailey, you can tell the firemen to get my guys outta there." "Will do." "Okay, we're ready." "O'malley." "Yes, sir." "You just flew solo." "Thank you, sir." "Okay, anna, we're gonna shut off the P.C.A. Pump now, which means you'll be in a lot of pain for the duration of the-- the healing ritual." "Are you okay with that?" "Yeah." "I can't find my soul if I'm medicated." "No pain, no gain, right?" "It's not just for your father." "You believe it, too, right?" "I know it sounds like a load of crap, but watch the ritual,you'll see." "See what?" "The moment it happens." "I'm ready." "Oh, yes, I'm so very,very naughty, bianca said as she, uh, dropped her stethoscope." ""Me, too," said crystal as she snapped on her surgical glove, and then there was marta... where was I?" "Marta." "Oh, yes." "Marta was the naughtiest nurse of all because she knew how to-- oh, thank god." "we're back up." "How long do you think it takes to retrieve a lost soul?" "I don't know." "Way to go, george." "I have my finger in a heart." "Very cool." "You have stress cardiomyopathy." "Cardiomyopathy?" "What--can you tell me what that is?" "It's ted." "Ted?" "Ted." "Not just a neighbor you barely knew, was he?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "Because every year on the day he died, you get a rush of adrenaline caused by stress." "Your pressure rises,you have chest pains... and you end up here." "27 years..." "I loved the man next door and he loved me." "I know how this is gonna sound... ted was my soul mate." "And then he just died." "It's grief." "Your heart stops because you're grieving for ted." "So... what do I do next?" "I mean, how do you treat it?" "I wish I knew." "I told thatch I'm leaving him." "You left thatcher, ellis." "But I couldn't bring myself to leave adele." "Do you remember?" "Painted horses... yes." "We were on the carousel in the park." "It was raining." "I have an offer from boston general." "You took it to get away." "We swore we'd never talk again about what we had together." "It was gonna always be our secret." "Richard... yes, ellis." "Carousels give me the creeps." "How do you put up with it?" "I mean,"nasty, naughty nurses 4,"" "and I'm assuming 1, 2 and 3?" "He's my henry." "I know,but don't you find it misogynistic and degrading and kind of... 24 hours a day of porn?" "Seriously, that's your life?" "I'm grateful for it." "It takes away his pain." "And see, the thing is,henry--henry takes away my pain." "I lied." "I'm not out of this relationship." "I'm in." "I'm so in it's humiliating because here I am begging-- meredith, just-- shut up." "You say "meredith,"and I yell, remember?" "Yeah." "Okay... here it is." "Your choice, it's simple-- her or me£¿" "And I'm sure she's really great." "But, derek, I love you... in a really, really big... pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window," "unfortunate way that makes me hate you love you." "So pick me." "Choose me." "Love me." "I'll be at joe's tonight, so if you do decide to sign the papers... meet me there." "Good-bye, ellis." "I am gonna come see you tomorrow.Okay?" "He doesn't love her." "He can't." "But he'll stay with her anyway." "She's his wife." "Mom?" "Mommy?" "Meredith... you grew up." "I did." "Hmm." "It's a shame." "It's awful being a grown-up." "But the carousel never stops turning." "You can't get off." "Okay." "You think he'll show?" "He'll show." "hey." "How's your patient?" "The one that got her soul back?" "She's gonna be fine." "Gotta go." "Look at you.You look like a girl." "Is that your date?" "It's my husband." "You're married?" "Ten years today." "How come I didn't know you were married." "You never asked." "You haven't signed those divorce papers yet,have you?" "Bailey...tell me what to do." "god." "Why does this have to be so hard?" "It's not hard." "It's painful,but it's not hard." "Come on, you know what to do already." "If you didn't,you wouldn't be in so much pain." "Pain--you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals." "So...here's where we are." "I work too much,I'm competitive,I'm always right." "And I snore." "What?" "I'm trying here." "So?" "Okay." "We're a couple." "Whatever." "Don't make a big deal about it." "There are no solutions,no easy answers." "You just breathe deepand wait for it to subside." "he's not coming." "You don't think he's coming." "He might come." "Yeah." "You never know." "He's definitely coming." "ow!" "You want her doing tequila shots all night?" "I'll be the one cleaning up the vomit." "Besides, I touched a heart today... porny." "most of the time,pain can be managed." "Pour me another one." "But sometimes,the pain gets you when you least expect it..." "I'm tellin' you,any second." "Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up." "I have been looking everywhere for you." "Well...you found me." "So... you gonna sign those divorce papers or not?" "Pain-- you just have to fight through because the truth is, you can't outrun it and life always makes more."