"I couldn't feel pain." "I couldn't sense time." "I couldn't understand where I was." "But I could see." "I could see." "I remembered Homer and Rachel and Scott screaming my name." "They were no longer with me." "The sudden rush of loss made me realize that for the second time in my life..." "I was dead." "Khatun..." "I can see." "You could always see, my child." "Catch your breath and join me." "I'm not supposed to be here." "Nonsense." "You've had so much time." "Look at you, a young woman now." "It's a mistake, Khatun." "If you stay, there is no more suffering." "All the pain of life, gone." "Soon, you won't remember any of it." "But I don't want to forget." "They're with him in that basement." "I can't leave them there." "You're strange." "I respect it." "But as things are... you never escape." "All your courage..." "and planning, not enough." "I see you're hungry." "I'll fish for you." "This... will show you a way to another place... a form of travel unknown to humans." "Without it, you will stay a prisoner forever." "It takes a lot of practice... but with this... you may one day fly free." "If I give it to you... there's a price." "A fair trade." "Papa." "Papa!" "Here!" "Papa!" " He can't hear me." " No, he cannot." "But he could." "You can go with your father and be in painless peace together... or you can take the bird and find out who you really are." "That isn't a fair choice." "To exist... is to survive unfair choices." "Join him." "He's right outside waiting for you." "How do I get back to the others?" "Now you know sacrifice." "Now you are ready for what comes with this gift." "Swallow it." "It's the seed of light." "If you grow it, all you need to know will be inside you." "All five of you must work together as one to avert a great evil." "There's only four of us." "You will see." "Khatun... am I like you?" "No." "You are the original." "Be quick." "Eat it." "I knew from the moment I woke up that life was no longer the same." "I had given up eternity with my father for a promise I made to people I barely knew." "Here." "I thought I'd lost you." "Glad you recovered." "How does it feel?" " My head hurts." " That's my fault." "You were... at the edge of the mine." "I wasn't thinking." "I'm sorry." "Here." "You were gone a long time." "No pulse for seven minutes." "Utterly unresponsive." "It's the only... nonscientific death I've ever had." "Here." "I was worried about you." "I've been doing this study for years." "And you're the only... subject who's ever challenged me." "Extracted concessions, tried to escape." "You, blind, have done all three." "The others?" "How did you find the others?" "Well, you were a happy accident." "But, the others..." "Well, the others..." "I had to hunt down." "I'm sorry about the violence outside." "But you should know..." "I can't let you go." "Aah!" "I can't." "Khatun had fed me a mystery." "I couldn't understand it, but I could feel it inside me." "A clue, a bomb, a Hail Mary." "Prair, can you hear me?" "You okay?" "You almost did it." "You almost got away." " Homer?" "I have to tell..." " It doesn't matter." "It's okay." "You're alive." "Doesn't matter?" "I'd kinda like to get the fuck outta here." "I knew it was a long shot." "I got through these... woods to an edge." "He hit me in the back of the head... hard." "I died." "Probably you passed out from the pain." "I went somewhere... and I saw her." "The same woman I saw when I was a little girl." "Oh, my God." "Oh, we've been going about this all wrong." "We've been trying to get out." "Yes." "Well, that's kinda the big idea." "No." "We have to try to get in." "I think she got brain damage." "We've been acting like lab rats." "Lab rats are only powerless because they don't understand that they're in an experiment." "But they're just as much a part of it as the scientist, in some ways even more." "See, we could take it over." "His experiment is our way out." "No, no." "I..." "I don't know what that psychopathic fuck is doing, and I don't want to know." "Listen." "She's trying to say something." "But how would we know, though?" "The gas." "We don't remember anything." "He's made it that way on purpose." "Yeah, he's got all the power." "Look..." "We all died... and we all chose to return." "No, no, speak for your own self." "We all touched another side and came back different." "When you listen to Rachel sing, don't you feel it?" " In my bones." " Yeah." "We aren't captives." "We aren't lab rats." "We aren't unloved or unlucky." "We're angels." "Oh, God." "Honestly go fuck yourself." "Angels?" "How do you know?" "Because even in your grief, you protected me from finding out about August's death before I was ready." "Because I hear you whispering to your plants at night to make them grow without the sun." "Because your eyes are green... clear... as honest as you are." "Because I can see." "Oh..." "I wish I'd met you sooner... so you could have known him." "Me, too." " My brother Theo." " I know." "Oh..." "Go." "Yeah, go." "It's important you're not late." "Will you let the boys walk you to your car?" "Yes." "Good night." "Thank you." "Um... do you need a ride home?" "We live here." "It's Rod Spence again." "Sorry to call so many times, but, uh, you really, uh, need to get in touch, so we can go over everything." "Um... please call me back." "Uh, it's about your..." "your brother's will, as you know." "Um, my number is..." "You have..." "Well, you have my number." "Just call me." "Oh." "Hey, Ali." "What're you doing up?" "Couldn't sleep." "Hey, you didn't notice the door was open?" " Oh, that's why it's so cold." " Yeah, yeah." "Wanna?" "Oh, nah, nah, it'll just fuck with my head even more." "You hang with sexy blind girl again?" "The fourth time in a row?" "Fuck off." "Third." "Saw Maureen today." "Oh, Mustache Maureen?" "What?" "No." "Oh." "Maureen who?" "Yeah, Mustache Maureen, I just don't call her that." "Okay." "She came by to drop off some stuff... watched a movie." "You should hang with us next time." "She's really into Kubrick." "Yeah, what's Kubrick?" " She keeps you guys out late." " We want to." "You guys hang out with the little trans one at school, too?" "No, mostly just with the others at the house." "She better not be some giant blind creep." "Okay, look, she's not even blind anymore." "God, just joking." " Hey, Ali?" " What?" "Do..." "Do you believe in angels?" "What, is Steve, like, all Christian now or something?" "What?" "I don't know, aren't his parents, like..." "sending him to Christian boot camp?" " Asheville?" " Yeah, no, no, it's not like that." "Like what?" "Well, like Mom." "Do..." "Do you think she could have been an angel?" "Like, a real angel?" "I don't think angels commit suicide." "Right." "Yeah." "But what do I know, you know?" "So, the estate needs to reimburse your mom for the funeral." "She'd like that to happen soon." " I'm sure she does." " Sign here." "She's still angry that I didn't go to the funeral." "You know, she had this idealized relationship with him." "He could do no wrong." " Moms can be that way with sons." " Yep." "You know, he was my twin." "And it's true what they say, there's a connection." "I, uh, I broke it." "We, uh, need to settle with the rehab facility as well." "This form authorizes the estate to pay Lakeview." " Hmm." " They want to know if you'll be gathering his personal effects or if they should just..." "Don't let 'em throw anything away." "Then I suggest you get over there as soon as possible." "Okay, I'll get a U-Haul or maybe I can find someone with a truck." "If you get a U-Haul, get a receipt." "Your brother had excellent life insurance." "Now, once our, uh, billing is deducted and court fees are paid, you should still see a substantial sum." "Did you not read your copy of the will?" "Rod, um, I turned my own brother in to the police and they forced him into rehab and now he's dead." "No, I did not read his will." "He left you everything." "After expenses, it all goes to you." "Fifty thousand dollars." "Hmm." "I think I should go back to work sooner rather than later." "Think it'll help." "Okay." "Jamie's mother went back to work." "It really helped." "Is he the boy in the book?" " Yes, from her book." " Okay." "If you think it's a good idea." "Abel... we... we need the money." "What if she wants to have those..." "those terrible scars removed?" "What about college, technical school?" "We don't have anything saved." "We made the right choice." "If we're not on her side, whose side are we on?" "You keep reading." "I'll take Prairie to meet the FBI counselor." "Hey, look, chill with the horn, dude." "Okay?" "You shouldn't even be driving." "You know how Ali is." "Ali is a dyke" "It's me she doesn't like" " You are such a dick." " Her brother drives a trike" "'Cause he can't drive for shit" "Okay, you know what?" "Shut up, dude!" "Yo, where you goin'?" "I'm not gettin' squeezed." "So you're gonna let the old lady get squeezed?" "Are you high?" "Dude, come on." "Okay." "I'm coming, I'm coming." "Oh." "Thanks for this." "I didn't know who else to call..." "I mean, with a truck." "Would you take that, please?" "Okay." "Oh!" "It's a really big step." "I appreciate this." " You ready?" " Yeah." "Clear a path!" "He loved that stuff!" "What?" "He..." "Just turn it..." "Turn it down." "You're gonna make everyone in the building start using heroin again." "Wait, this is a rehab place for heroin?" "No, I was just making a... a joke." "Theo... he loved this movie." "The Incredible Mr. Limpet." "Don Knotts plays a..." "You have no idea who Don Knotts is." "He was this weird little man." "And in the movie, he turns into a fish." "It was, uh, half a cartoon." "Probably awful, but... he loved it, so I loved it." "We, uh..." "We swore we'd turn into otters when we got older." "Just like Mr. Limpet." "Theo said that otters had the life." "Playing and... eating all day." "Maybe he became an otter after all." "I just got old." "You're not old." "Old enough to be your parent." "Probably older." "They're in their 40s?" "Um, my mom would be 45 in January, and my dad would be..." "Yeah, I'm not sure." "Like, 47?" "Oh, sweetie." "I didn't know they passed." "Yeah, my mom, not my dad." "He left?" "Yeah, for the longest time I thought he must've been better than us, somehow." "No." "Not better." "Just different." "Yeah, I guess that's what I mean." "That some people don't belong in a family." "Like, they don't know what it is." "How to be... helped by it." "Mmm." "I mean, I'm not..." "I'm not saying that Theo was like that, I just..." "No, no." "Maybe you are, and maybe you're right." "Yeah." "Yo, BBA!" "Oh." "You look, uh..." "You look very..." "Very, uh..." "Nice?" "Yeah." "Very, very nice." "It was a horrible experience." "That's not exactly what I asked." "Oh, you want to know what happened?" "Eventually." "For now I'm just curious how you feel." "It's not a trick question." "Promise." "Like I'm still a prisoner." "I understand." "Can you think of the emotion that goes with that?" "Angry." "Really angry." " You don't want to be here?" " No." "Hmm." "Me neither." "I mean, this bland office crap puts me to sleep." "You wanna take a walk?" "I mean, I guess I became an agent to catch the bad guys." "That's always been the FBI's focus, the perpetrator." "But, uh... the more cases I worked, the more I realized that, you know, the punishment never really mattered, or it was never enough." "No one was thinking about the victims, mainly women and children." "A few of us started the Victim Support Program, and it feels good." "It feels satisfying." "Impacting people's lives without shooting at them." "What if I told you I'm trying to help people?" "I would say that's a noble impulse." "Without knowing the details?" "Might be I do know, in a way." "I don't think so." "Well, you weren't alone there." "Somehow you got out." "You want to rescue the others, but you're afraid if you tell us, they might get killed?" "If I told you anything close to the truth, you'd think I was a crazy person and you'd have me locked up." "Well, look, I'm not here as a field agent." "I'm not here to solve any crimes." "I'm just here to help you process your experience." "I mean, if you tell me something that could help the Bureau find who did this to you, I'll pass that on." "But apart from that, I'm not here for them." "I'm here for you." "So what do you think I should do?" "First, have compassion... for yourself." "You've been through something no one is equipped to deal with." "Admit that." "And second just simplify your life." "Same way you would if you'd been in a car crash or..." "You just gotta take the time you need to heal." "I can't do that." "I understand, more than you know." "But to even think about rescue, before you've recovered..." "What would you do if I just leave right now?" "Do you tell the FBI that?" "Our sessions are confidential." "You can walk away, you can push me in the pond if you want to." "But I hope you don't." "I hope you come back tomorrow." "It's up to you." "You're in charge." "You're not a prisoner." "Maybe I'll see you." "It doesn't make sense." "Just 'cause it doesn't make sense, doesn't mean it's not real." "Lots of shit doesn't make sense, man." "Don't be a douche." "OA wouldn't say she's an angel and then vanish." "No, that's exactly what an angel would do." "Homer told me his football coach once said to him," ""Knowledge is a rumor until it lives in the body."" "Which took me a while to figure out." "It's like... you don't really know something until your body knows it." "See, Khatun had given me a gift." "It was like a living riddle, alive inside my body." "I could feel it in my muscles." "I had told the others what we were, what he was, what I thought we had to do to break free." "But a whole week passed before a clear plan began to form in our minds." "There's no way to understand what he's doing to us if we don't stay awake." " We can't stay awake if we get gassed." " No way." "I'm not poisoning my fuckin' lungs for you." "Sorry." "Scott..." "He gasses you every few months anyway." "Exactly." "And I'm not killin' myself faster than I'm already dyin' for your shit plan..." "You wouldn't be alone." "And it would only be half." "The only way out is through the experiment, Scott." " Oh, my God." " She's the one offering" " to do the hard part." " Crazy is contagious." "I don't fucking understand you." "I thought you were the one with some goddamn sense." "Let's go." "Come on." "There's a chair right behind you." "Okay." "I'm just attaching a small microphone." "I'm gonna ask you some questions about your recent NDE." "All right?" "I don't... generally bother with subjective testimony, but you, Prairie, have proved to be... extraordinary in so many areas that I am optimistic." "Now..." "I'm holding... the sensor that I showed you the night we met, remember?" "So, I will know if you're lying." "So, let's just ask some simple questions to calibrate the machine." "Where were you born?" "Russia." "And what's your favorite food?" "Pretzels." "And did you go blind as a result of an NDE when you were a child?" "Yes." "Okay, perfect." "So... just tell me everything you remember from the moment you..." "The moment of your death." "When I hit you with the gun to when you came around." "All right?" "I can't." "Prairie." "Prairie, listen to me." "This is important work and I need you to collaborate with me, or I will be forced to be... very unkind to you and the others in ways that you won't enjoy... and we will both regret." "You understand me?" "Yeah, I'm..." "I'm just..." "There's just..." "I don't know how to talk about it." "It just..." "There aren't words." "Couldn't you just ask me what it is that you wanna know and I'll answer it?" "All right." "All right, let's do that." "So... was there sunshine?" "No, but there was light." "Were you outdoors?" "No, uh, for a moment." "Mmm-hmm." "Could you see?" "Yes, but..." "it wasn't how I remember sight." "And was there sound?" "Wind." "Colors?" "The color blue?" "No." "And how did you feel?" "Were you sad?" "No." "But I wasn't happy." "At any point was there a... sense of euphoria or..." "Peace." "I had to fight that peace..." "to come back." "But..." "To come back?" "I mean, when you..." "When you came back, that..." "You chose that." "That was your choice?" "Yes." "Was there anyone there?" "Prairie?" " Were you alone?" " No." "No." "A person?" "I mean, uh..." "There was another person there?" "Someone... who's not alive in this world?" "My father." "And, uh..." "How was he?" "Was he..." "Was he, uh..." "Was he different?" "Did he, uh..." "Was he changed?" "Clothes, hair, speech?" "I don't know 'cause I didn't get a chance to speak to him, but..." "He looked the same as I remember, from when I was a little girl." "It was me." "I was different." "And... here we go." "Hap's interrogation of me made it clear we had to find out what his experiment was." "But the gas made us forget everything." "If Scott and Homer used their lung power to suck the gas out of my cell from either side," "I could stay awake and learn what Hap was doing to us." "What did he say to you?" "He is stumbling around in the dark." "And he is gonna keep us here forever." "Scott... will you please help?" "What's the worst it can be?" " Pain?" "Terror?" "Shock?" " Exactly." "You faced all of those things when you first got here and you survived." " How many times do I have to tell you no?" " Look, I'm scared, too." "I don't know if I'm strong enough either." "If I'm gonna break, or beg, or cry." "All I know is he is not insane, he is obsessed." "I ain't sucking any more poison into my lungs than I have to." "And I don't give a shit if you think I'm going to hell for that." "Then he wins." "We die prisoners." "You don't think I fucking know that?" "Yeah, we were all taken." "But y'all were taken healthy." "Not me." "I'll bet he's comin' for me next, so I'll see the three of you on the other side." "Maybe you could be healed." "She got her sight back." "She got hit in the head, Rachel." "Hard." "Rachel, would you swallow gas?" "Yeah." "What about you?" "Yeah?" "So I'll go." "I don't even have to pretend to be blind." "I couldn't see the pain it caused Scott... to have to just sit back and watch." "To not feel the rush that bravery gives you, that high of being part of something bigger than you are." "I told Homer, the most important thing was to figure out what it was that he was taking from us." "But it's one thing to make a plan." "It's another altogether to execute it." "A month passed before he came for Homer." "Prairie?" "Prairie!" "Fuck!" "Rachel?" "What a plan." "So you didn't inhale then?" "Rachel fell, she's hurt." "Don't ignore me just 'cause I won't play mousetrap with you." "Can you hear me?" "She's not dead, she's not dead." "Close your fucking eyes if you're gonna play dead!" "Oh, I'm the monster?" "You're fuckin' with me while Rachel's on the floor bleeding out because of your stupid fucking plan and I'm the monster?" "Open your eyes and tell..." "Oh, you're a regular comedienne." "Why don't you stand up and take a bow for your fans?" "Sit down." "Lie down." "Suck your thumb like a baby." "We got lucky." "We thought that the gas was knocking us out cold." "It wasn't, it was making us compliant." "We would do anything we were told, and then forget about it." "Oh, yeah, I know that shit." "Girls pass out for, like, five minutes and then wake up zombies." "What?" "I've never done it." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "I..." "I read about that." "A guy in Detroit talked some girl into emptying out her entire bank account." "Scopolamine." "Some people call it Devil's Breath." "But the plan worked the next time, right?" "I mean, you could just pretend to be zombies?" "It took us nearly a year to get that part right." "A year?" "Why?" "Getting good at something takes time." "You don't think I know that?" "I know that." "Step up, Homer." "Up on the platform." "Stay there." "Remove your sweatshirt and T-shirt and sweatpants and leave them there." "Walk around." "Step around." "One foot on either base." "Sit back on the chair." "Raise your right arm." "And your left arm." "Lower your head." "Raise your right foot." "Left foot." "And back on the platform." "There we are." "Now, pull your head back, put your chin down." "And do not move your head." "Homer." "What happened?" "Homer?" "Hmm." "We failed." "Again and again, we failed." "Three years passed." "In that time, I often doubted I'd ever met Khatun at all." "But Homer never gave up." "He'd seen something of the experiment." "It became a quest for him to understand what Hap was doing." "He took all the feeling bottled inside him and channeled it into this mission." "And every time we failed, Homer came up with a new and better idea." "Raise your right arm." "Bend your right arm." "Don't move." "What we need to do, what I set out to do, is find a way to remove the human component and gather objective scientific data." "And what... what is inherently..." "Doctors used to think that death... was when the breath stopped and then we found that that was not true." "And, um, we thought that death was when the heart stopped beating, and that was not true, either." "And then, when brain activity ceased, was for a long time the definition of death." "And I have realized that there is... some possibility..." " Hey, you!" "Stop right there!" " ...that audio activity" " can be detected with the right equipment." " Down here!" "Down the hall!" "Hey, you!" "Stop!" "Stop right there!" "Where you going?" "Stay down." "What's your name?" " My name is Homer." " What?" " I'm Homer." " Your name is not Homer." "Look at me." "Do you know Dr. Roberts?" "What?" "No." "Let me go, please!" "Yeah, I know you." "Calm down!" "Come quick!" "Help me get him up!" "We need help!" "The subjects generated unreliable data." "The attrition rate was very high." "I lost a lot of subjects." "And whether they were out for seconds or moments, it was always a roll of the dice whether I could bring them back or not." "Until I realized that those subjects who had previously experienced an NDE were far more likely to be revived." "And when I began working exclusively with near death experience survivors, the work took off." "They have an almost limitless potential for being revived." "Now, whether that's..." "He was killing us." "Over and over and over again." "What was Hap recording?" "What did it mean?" "He was recording the soundscapes of our NDEs, trying to map out what it was that people call "the other side."" "Yeah, I..." "I put that part together." "Bullshit you did." "Yeah, but... but why?" "What was he listening for?" "Proof." "He thought it would liberate people to know for a fact that death is not an end." "We were just looking for a way out, and we never stopped believing the experiment was our escape." "It took years, but every time, Homer got a little closer." "I told him that if he succeeded and traveled conscious, he had to look for anything living, anything moving, and swallow it whole." "But Homer never managed to escape the final gas." "Hap always smelled his fear." "Homer came back again and again and again, remembering nothing." "But he kept trying." "Some days I thought he was doing it just for me." "Some days I thought he was doing it to spite Hap." "Some days I thought..." "it was for himself." "Something he needed to prove, conquer." "He was an explorer, and death was his frontier." "Whatever his reasons, Homer never gave up on his mission:" "to die... awake." "Hey!" "Hey, you!" "Stop right there!" "Stop!" "Hey!" "Come here!" "Stop!" "Hey, you!" "He's over here!" "Hey!" "Hey, you." "When I flatlined at the football game, when I landed on my head..." "I thought it was the light at the end of a tunnel." "But it's not a tunnel." "It's a place." "It's an actual place." "Did you talk to anyone?" "No, I..." "I felt chased." "But I found this, um, thing." "Well, I swallowed..." "I swallowed this thing." " A sea creature." " Oh." "That's good." "I don't feel like I have it... or know it." "However you described it." "I guess I just have to go back, keep trying." "Khatun said we could do it." "She said we could travel out of here." "I know that seems impossible." "I mean..." "I know I sound like a crazy person when I say it, I know." "Eh..." "But I'm telling you, when I swallowed that bird..." "I felt the whole thing flash through me in an instant." "Like, a way to move through the world, through worlds." "And if I don't think about it, I know it." "A self, like a... a me in there that doesn't even belong to me and it wants to come out, it wants me to call it by name." "But it's..." "I feel like it's waiting... for you." "To hear it in you, too." "I want to." "You know I want to." "It's a name truer than Prairie... than Nina, even." "It sounds like..." " Away." " Mmm." "Away..." "Yeah, but maybe..." "Oh-A." "Oh..." "Oh way?" "I don't know, when I say it out loud, it all falls apart." "Homer?" "OA."