"Hey, this guy's killing me!" "Who was that you spoke to?" "Andreuccio." "I knew him as a boy." "I knew his father too, the richest man in my town." "A great lord." "Now he lives near Rome, and Andreuccio has come to Naples to buy horses." "My friend, is this enough for that old nag?" "Hello." " Excuse me, sir." " Who, me?" "A pretty lady would like to speak to you." "Gladly!" "Then follow me, sir." "She's waiting for you at home." "Go on!" "Follow me." "She's inside." "Andreuccio, welcome!" "I'm not sure what to say." "The pleasure's mine." "Andreuccio, come." "Let's sit down." "Make yourself comfortable." "Oh, Andreuccio... you must be surprised at my welcoming you with kisses and tears." "You'll be even more surprised to learn we're brother and sister." "Your father Pietro met a rich widow during his stay in Palermo who loved him so that she gave herself to him." "From that love I was born." "Our father then returned to Rome." "He forgot about us completely, as if I were a servant's child!" "So I grew up with my mother, a most noble woman." "She married me off very young to a fervent Guelph supporter." "Sadly, his secret intrigues with King Charles were discovered by King Frederick, who chased us out of Palermo just as I was about to become one of the most important ladies in Sicily." "Fortunately King Charles restored to us part of our loss by giving land, houses, and a generous stipend to my husband, your brother-in-law." "So thank God I was able to find you and meet you, brother dear." "Well, uh..." "I'm glad to find I have a sister, since I'm all alone here." "What can you do?" "Every cloud has a silver lining." "I didn't know Papa was like that, but when a man is young " "I can understand, 'cause I came here thinking " "Anyway, thank you, sister." "Come, let us celebrate this day." "Make yourself at home." "You promised me" "Four kerchiefs" "I've come to see lf you'll give them to me" "Now you can get a good night's sleep and be off in the morning." "Naples is no place to be wandering at night." "Good night, brother dear." "Good night, sister dear." "If you need anything, the boy will attend to you... dear brother." "Good night." "Good night, and thank you, sister." "Hey, kid, where's the " "The crapper?" "Over there." "Help!" "I fell in the shit!" "Open up, sister!" "Who's that knocking?" "Ma'am, it's Andreuccio, the Sicilian lady's brother." "Good man, if you've been drinking, go sleep it off!" "I've never heard of any Andreuccio!" "Are family relations forgotten so soon in Sicily?" "At least toss down my clothes and money." "Good man, you must be dreaming." "Damn you!" "You lout, disturbing women so late!" "Don't be knocking on doors at this hour!" "Be gone or you'll be killed!" "You down there... go away!" "Don't come around bothering us!" "Leave us in peace!" "You hear me?" "Stop that racket!" "What's the idea, bothering my sister?" "Off with you!" "Be off!" "I said be off!" "He fell in the shit!" "That's the worst stench I've ever smelled." "Shit!" "Who are you?" "Me?" "Andreuccio." "I'm not from here." "I came to Naples to buy horses." "I met a girl claiming to be my sister." "She invited me home to supper." "I went to relieve myself and fell in, and here I am." "So they robbed you blind, eh?" "I get it." "Listen, kid... thank the Madonna you lost all your money." " What?" " That's right." "Because that's life." "And thank God you fell in the shit." "Say, "Thank you, God!"" "Thank you, God." "And thank God again for the hoax that led you here, because you'll soon have as much money as there are stars in heaven." "See?" "Our heart bleeds for ya." "Listen... if you're up for a little shady business, I promise you it will bring you more loot than you lost." "You in?" "Yeah, I'm in." "The archbishop of Naples died yesterday." "Minutolo was his name." "He was laid to rest in there." "In all his finery." "And with a ruby on his finger worth 500 gold florins." "Let's open this thing." "Who'll climb inside?" "Not me." "Me neither." "Let's make Andreuccio climb in." "Not me!" "I'm afraid!" "What?" "If you don't climb in there now, I swear by the Madonna I'll beat you to death!" "Climb in!" "Go on!" "Inside!" "Christ, what a mug!" "Where's the ring?" "There's no ring in here." "Where's the ring?" "I want to see the ring." "There's no ring in here." "You sure?" "Of course I'm sure." "There's no ring in here." "is that right?" "Screw you!" "Go on!" "Wake up!" "Are you made of stone?" "Get to work." "I'm not going inside." "I'm afraid." "So now you're afraid?" "What kind of thieves are you?" "There's a ruby worth a fortune in there." "Aren't I your sacristan?" "Trust me." "Why so afraid?" "Think the dead man will eat you?" "Dead men don't bite." "Watch, I'll climb in." ""Once upon a time in Lombardy, where the Tuscan tongue is spoken, there was a convent famous for its sanctity and religious fervor." "Among the nuns there was a young noble lady of great beauty."" "Folks, let me tell this the Neapolitan way." "Now, then, what happened in that convent?" "A nice plump nun fell in love with a handsome youth and would wait for nightfall to let him into her cell." "But one night, the other nuns - the jealous sort - found out and caught them going at it." "So what did they do?" "They went to get the Mother Superior, but she was in bed with the priest!" "When they knocked, she was so flustered that she mistook the priest's drawers for her veil and opened the door with them on her head!" "She then went to knock on the young nun's door while the other sisters looked on." "The frightened nun came out and looked at her." ""l see you were fooling around too!" "You have the priest's drawers on your head!"" "After that, all the other nuns started fooling around too." "Work is fine, but it shouldn't kill you." "You know the convent up on the hill?" "I worked for the nuns up there." "You can't imagine the trouble they gave me." "One would say, "Put this there!" The other, "Pick that up!"" "Another would hand me a hoe and say, "Dig there!"" "And I'd dig and dig." "And they were all so pretty, I was beside myself." "When I left yesterday, the sacristan asked me to send a new gardener." ""An old man like yourself." "We can't hire a young man in the convent."" "But I didn't send him a soul, young or old." "No one can take it in there." "And where would I find another old man like me?" "And the sacristan was right:" "A young man is out of the question." "Those nuns seem to have the very devil in them!" "You were right to leave." "A man shouldn't be surrounded by women." "I'm the steward here." "What do you want?" "Who are you?" "Speak up!" "What is it?" "Speak up!" "You can't talk?" "You're hungry?" "Wait here." "Who's that?" "Mother Superior, he's a poor mute." "He can't talk." "He's looking for work." "Could he stay here and be our gardener?" " Yes." " Given that he's all brawn... and no brain." "Yes... we'll take him on." "Give him some shoes and an old shirt." "Treat him well, you hear?" "And feed him well." "Who's that?" "A poor deaf-mute." "He can't hear or speak." "A man in our convent!" "Hear that, sisters?" "A man in our convent!" "He can hear the call of hunger!" "He can't talk, but his mouth's still moving!" "Stuffing yourself on the soup we poor little nuns make?" "He's so cute!" "Sister... if you can keep a secret, I'll tell you something that's often occurred to me that you might enjoy too." "I swear I won't tell anyone." "Every woman who visits us says there's no greater pleasure on earth than what a woman does with a man." "That's why I've been thinking I'd like to see with this mute boy if what they say is true." "With him we don't have to worry." "You see?" "He's a simpleton." "He can't tell anyone." "What do you think?" "What are you saying?" "Don't you know we've pledged our virginity to God?" "We make promises to God every day that we never keep!" "And what if we get pregnant?" "Why worry about trouble before it comes?" "Every ill has its remedy." "How shall we go about it?" "It's 3:00 in the afternoon." "At this hour, all the other nuns are napping." "All we have to do is lead him to that hut." "We'll each take a turn while the other stands guard." "Come down here!" "Come on!" "Come with us." "Hurry up!" "Come on!" "Come on." "Move it." "In you go." "Come on." "Get in the saddle!" "Ride me!" "Come on." "Don't you see?" "Don't you understand?" "Let's make love." "Come on, you animal." "Attaboy." "Get down here." "Sister, it's heaven!" "What they say is true." "Now you try." "Who'd ever have guessed?" "Hush, sister." "Not a word to anyone." "Just you and me every day." "That's what we'll do." "It's heaven!" "What should we do?" "We tell Mother Superior!" "This is an outrage!" "You're right." "Let's hurry." "What's the rush?" "Let's think this through." "It's not right for just those two to have what we could all enjoy." "Get inside." "Get up." "Come with me." "Come here!" "Do as I say!" "Get on top of me." "Come on." "Are you blind too?" "Be a good boy." "You have to make love to me." "Come on, show me." "Hey!" "What are you doing?" "What's wrong, stupid?" "Keep going." "You're not done yet." "Get back to it!" "Ma'am, everyone knows one cock can satisfy ten hens... but that ten men can barely satisfy one woman." "And I have to satisfy nine!" "Either I leave or we figure out another way." "I thought you couldn't speak!" "No, I came here on purpose just for this job." "And what a job!" "I never knew it would be so much work!" "It's a miracle!" "What?" "It's a miracle!" "It's a miracle, sisters!" "Don't worry." "We'll arrange everything so that you can stay here and satisfy us all without killing yourself." "What's more, you'll be a saint." "It's a miracle!" "God has made the gardener speak!" "Come here." "My love!" "Peronella!" "Open up!" "It's your husband!" "My husband's back!" "He'll kill me!" "I heard you!" "I'm coming!" "See how she bars the door after I leave?" "God be praised that I have such a virtuous wife." "Hurry up!" "Mother of God!" "I'm coming!" "I heard you!" "Downstairs, quickly!" "I'm coming!" "Get in the jar!" "My husband's insanely jealous." "He'll kill me!" "Stay inside and don't move!" "Why'd he have to come back so early?" "He may have seen you come inside!" "I'm coming!" "That cuckold!" "I was almost finished!" "I'm coming!" "You're home already?" "I'll kill you!" "If you don't work, how will we eat?" "I'm tired of pawning these rags I wear!" "I sweat blood ironing all day." "My nails are worn to the quick." "Look!" "My husband, all the neighbor women know how hard I work!" "And you stroll home when you should be at work!" "Mother of God, what a miserable life!" "See what a good wife I have?" "Don't be angry. I believe you." "Today's St. Galeone's day." "It's a holiday." "That's why I'm back." "And I found a buyer for your big jar." "Be happy." "We'll have bread for a month." "He'll pay five denari." "Five denari!" "That's why I'm angry." "A man like you, out in the wide world, sells it for five, while a woman like me, who never leaves the house, sold it for seven to a young gentleman who called just before you arrived." "He's inside the jar now, looking it over." "Sorry, friend." "My wife sold it for seven." "Let's go conclude the deal." "We should light a candle to St. Galeone for sending you home." "Where are you, good woman?" "I'm coming!" "See what a fine jar it is?" "Good-bye, my friend." "You offered me five, but my wife sold it for seven." "Here I am." "How are you?" "Who are you?" "I need to speak to the woman I saw earlier." "Talk to me now." "I'm her husband." "The jar's in good shape, but it's filthy inside." "There's an inch of muck that even water won't take off." "We're not calling the deal off for that." "Come out of there." "My husband will get in and scrape it clean." " That's right!" "I'll scrape it good." "Hold this." "Take your scraper... and laugh, 'cause you've made a good deal." "This buyer was right." "This jar really stinks inside!" "Scrape it clean, husband." "Let's do things right." "Higher." "Lower." "That's the spot." "It's still dirty there." "Take your time." "We can't pass up this great deal... my love." "Keep going!" "Keep scraping till I'm satisfied!" "Where could anyone find a husband like you?" "My dear Ciappelletto, things aren't going well." "You've done everything you could possibly do here." "You've committed every forgery possible." "You've killed people." "You've raped women." "You've blasphemed against God and all the saints." "You're even a bit queer." "In short, my boy, it's time you go away for a while." "Am I wrong?" "Maybe you're right." "There's an important personal matter I can't see to myself." "I have a large debt to collect up north from some debtors who are so rotten that perhaps only you can convince them - by hook or by crook." "Will you do it?" "Yeah, I'll do it." "I'll give you the proper credentials." "Up there you'll be the guest of two brothers from these parts." "I'll give you their address." "They'll treat you well out of respect for me, not you." "Don't worry." "No one knows you up north." "Farewell, Master." "Farewell, Ciappelletto... and bring back the dough!" "My dear Ciappelletto, don't think we eat spaghetti here." "Here we eat the German way." "May I pour you a little wine?" " Cheers." " And to hell with our enemies!" "Dear Ciappelletto... how many people will soon be miserable here!" "Why?" "With your reputation, you have to ask?" "Poor debtors!" " You think you're better than me?" " lt's your work." "Leeches!" "Ghouls!" "What are you saying?" "You vermin!" "Filth!" "Usurers!" " Now you've gone too far!" " l'm just kidding." "Kidding, eh?" "My friends, we're all from Naples." "Let's stick together... through thick and thin." " You're right." "Naples, my home..." "To leave Naples is to long for her." "The window that once glowed bright" "Has gone dark" "A sign that my beloved ls unwell" "Her sister comes to the window" "And tells me" ""Your beloved is dead" "And buried"" " She always lamented" " Too high for me." "That she slept alone" "Now she sleeps ln the arms of Death" ""Your beloved is dead and buried"" "Hey, friend!" "What do we do now?" "We can't turn him out." "We can't turn him out." "What would people say?" ""They welcomed him with such honor and generosity!"" "Now that he's dying, we can't turn him out." "You're right, my brother." "People would call us scoundrels." "He's no good." "He's never even had confession or taken communion or any other sacrament." "People are right." "He'll die like a dog in a ditch!" "If he were to confess, I shudder to even think of it!" "Because with sins like his, there's no priest who could absolve him." "In the end he'd still die like a dog in a ditch!" "My friends, come here." "I don't want to cause you any trouble." "I heard what you said." "And I agree:" "Things could happen as you say." "But they're not going to." "I've committed so many sins in my life that one more sin on my deathbed won't matter." "So go and find the most pious priest in town, and bring him here to give me confession." "I'll do the rest." "Everything will be fine." "Hey, brothers, will someone look out?" "A man is dying!" "Call the most pious priest you have!" "We'd had a lovely meal, Father." "Wine, ham, all the trimmings." "That's right." "We shared it all." "And God knows he was in such good spirits, poor man." "We were all singing." "Bad luck always finds us!" "Poor Ciappelletto." "Now he's sick in bed." "Mother of God... have pity." "Have you been guilty of avarice?" "Don't misjudge me, Father, just because I'm in those usurers' house." " That bastard!" " To hell with him!" "My father left me a very large inheritance... which I gave entirely to the poor." "And of what I earned, I kept half to live on and gave the rest to the poor." "Then tell me, if you would... have you ever sinned in lechery with a woman?" "He's queer!" "I'm as pure as the day I was born." "God bless you!" "And the sin of gluttony?" "Oh, yes, Father." "While fasting, I craved lettuce so badly!" "Lettuce?" "My son, these are sins of no account." "But Father, there are many sins I haven't told you yet." " Like what?" "One day I happened to spit in the house of God!" "My son, that's nothing." "We priests spit there every day." "What else?" "There is one sin l've never confessed." "I'm so ashamed!" "What is it?" "Every time I think of it, I cry." "Oh, how I cry!" "I'm sure God will never forgive me." "There are no sins God won't forgive when a man repents as sincerely as you." "My sin is too serious." "You're kind to pretend that God would forgive me." "Confess it... and we'll pray together." "I can't!" "Confess, my son!" "I can't, Father." "Try, my son!" "In the name of God!" "Very well." "Promise to pray for me and I'll tell you." "When I was a little boy, I cursed my mother over a little milk!" "My very own mother!" "He's dying and doing all this for us!" "He really must be a saint!" "Your sins seem so grave to you." "Friend, even if you'd helped to nail him to the cross, so deep is your contrition that he would pardon you." "What did you say, Father?" "My dear mother... who carried me in her womb for nine months... day and night... nine months in her womb his faith never wavered." "But you wretches, at every twig that catches your feet, you curse God, our heavenly mother, and all the heavenly host!" "Now you may enter and venerate this saint." "We can take shelter over there!" "Yes, let's stop here!" "Let's get out of this rain!" "Come on!" "Come on, run!" "I'm coming." "Mother of God, what a downpour!" " Welcome." " Gennarì!" "Gennarì, did you pray for this rain?" "Well, you got it!" "The Lord never refuses me anything." "Let me introduce the Master, though he doesn't like being called that." "He's a great painter from the north " "Giotto's best pupil." "He's come to paint Naples." "I'm very honored, Master." "You have anything to keep the rain off us?" "We'd like to be in Naples before nightfall." "You have anything?" "Only a few rags, but if you'd like to use them " "Thank you." "Put that over me." "It's still pouring." "Take care, Gennarì." "Have a good trip." "Master, do you think that if a stranger saw you now... like this... he would ever imagine you're one of our greatest painters?" "Where are you going?" "These men represent the church that has commissioned your work, and those are the nuns of the convent." "This way, please." "To your health, Riccardo." "And to yours, sir." "Apples, oranges, and all the flowers in France, for Caterì, Giuseppí, and now you're it!" "One, two, three, four..." "Caterina, don't let me die of love." "Don't you let me die of love either!" "It's up to you." "Say just one word... and save both my life and yours." "Riccardo, you know how they watch me." "At long last we can talk here." "But if you want to sleep with me, suggest something I can do without shame to myself, and I'll do as you say." "My darling... the only way is for you to sleep on the terrace above your garden." "I'll climb the wall somehow." "If you're brave enough to climb that high, I'll find some way to sleep on the terrace." "Caterina, where are you?" "It's so hot!" "This heat is awful!" "Mama, I couldn't sleep last night." "What heat are you going on about?" "It's quite cool." "Mama, you forget that we girls are much warmer than you older women." "True, my child." "But what can we do?" "If you and Papa are willing, I'll put a bed up on the terrace above the garden and sleep there." "Listening to the nightingale's song in the cool open air, I'll sleep much better than in your room." "All right, my daughter." "I'll speak to your father." "Caterì, wake up." "Caterì, my darling." "Give me my first kiss ever." "Afterward." "Lie down." "Riccardo, my love." "Let's do it again." "Let's sleep a bit now." "Let's go see how our Caterina slept with her nightingale." "Giacomina, get up!" "Come see your daughter!" "She caught the nightingale in her hand!" " How can that be?" " Come see." " What's all this about?" " Come see for yourself." "Quiet now!" "She caught him, and he'll be hers." "Riccardo's a fine boy from a good family, with plenty of money." "We couldn't make a better match." "Our servants are armed, so if he wants to leave here alive, he'll have to marry her now." "His nightingale will be for her cage alone, and no one else's." "Wake up, you miserable pair!" "Riccardo and Caterina, let's resolve this now before I have to call in my men." "Sir, forgive me." "I know I've done wrong and deserve to die." "Do what's right for your honor." "But if you can forgive me, don't kill me." "Riccardo, this was no way to repay my affection and trust in you." "But youth has made you commit this fault." "To avoid death for you, and shame for me, which only blood could wash away, I ask you to take Caterina as your lawful wedded wife." "Of course I'll marry her!" "She'll be my wife, and you'll be my father- and mother-in-law!" "Giacomì, give me the ring." "Caterì... in the name of God I do thee wed." "Now get some rest." "I'm sure you could use it." "He's still not here." "These artists!" "Forgive me." "Please excuse me, brothers." "Back to work, boys!" "Come on!" "Come on, boys!" "Let's go!" " Stay a bit longer." " Lisabetta... I have to go. lt's daylight." "Lorenzo, stay." "I wish I could." "Good-bye, Lorenzo, until tomorrow." "Brothers!" "Wake up!" " What's wrong?" "Our sister's sleeping with our Sicilian apprentice." "With my own eyes I saw her come out of her room naked." "I'll kill her!" "Let me go!" "Stop all this!" "What are you doing?" "Calm down, for God's sake!" "He's gone mad!" "What are you doing?" "Will you settle down?" " Enough!" " Are you sure about this?" " l saw it with my own eyes." "We'll pretend we don't know." "Anything else would risk our honor and let everyone know of our shame." "Let's wait for the right moment to avenge our honor without anyone else finding out." "Good day, gentlemen." "Lorenzo, how are you?" "That's enough for today." "It's a beautiful day." "Let's go for a walk." "Come with us." "You deserve a rest." "Sister, we're going for a walk." "Be good!" "Lorenzo, take a piss with us." "It doesn't cost a thing." "Make room for our boy." " Of course." "Did you think we weren't like other men?" "You were wrong." "You understand?" "We're just like other men." "Lorenzo knows that." "Look how that Lorenzo runs!" "Lorenzo, wait!" "Where are you going?" "Here we come!" "We're gonna catch you!" "Wait for us!" "You all right, Lorenzo?" "Let's sit down here and rest." "This is the coolest place on our land." "Sit down, Lorenzo." "There are no servants or masters today." "This will wash your eyes out!" "Freshen up your mouth." "Down the hatch!" "Come on, jump." "Come on, jump." "Let's go." "Run, Lorenzo." "What are you doing?" "Run this way." "Run!" "Why?" "Come on, run this way." "Come on." "What are you waiting for?" "Brothers, forgive me if I'm disturbing you." "What do you want?" "is Lorenzo back yet?" "We told you:" "We sent him away on business." "If you ask again, you'll get the answer you deserve." "Lisabetta, get back in the house, and only come out with our permission." "Go on." "If we have to tell you again, you'll be sorry!" "Lisabetta, you keep calling my name." "You're sad I've been gone so long, and you reproach me with your tears." "I can never come back, for that last day you saw me, your brothers killed me... and buried me out there." "So wait for me no longer, and call my name no more." "My brothers, I haven't left the house in a long time." "May I go out for a walk with the maid?" "Go, and enjoy yourself." "Go ahead, but come back soon." "And be cheerful." "We like to see you cheerful." "I'd like to take all of you, my love, but I can't." "It's basil from Salerno - the best." "We'll sprinkle it with rose water and orange water." "Let's go, Pietro." "We still have a long way to go." "We've traveled far together, Pietro, from market to market, just to earn a bit of bread." "I imagine we must be near your house, at least from what you've told me." "Yes, and I can repay your hospitality at last, Don Gianni." "Thank you, Pietro." "But don't expect a house as nice as yours." "I have just enough room for me, Gemmata, and the donkey." "But at least you have a pretty wife." "Thank you." "I do have a pretty young wife, but still " "We'll manage, dear Pietro." "In fact, my wife and I have arranged for her to stay with Zita, our neighbor, who's happy to take her in." "And you'll sleep with me in our little bed." "Pietro, my husband!" "Mother of God!" "What's wrong?" "This is terrible." "What will we do now?" "Zita just got married." "They're celebrating at her house now." "She would get married today!" "Where'll we put our friend, the priest?" "I can't sleep at Zita's with her fool husband there." "Don Gianni... this is my wife, Gemmata." "Very glad to meet you." "Christ be praised." "Don't worry, dear Gemmata." "I'll be fine." "Actually, whenever I like, I cast a magic spell and turn my mare into a pretty girl." "I sleep with her... and then I change her back and use her for my work." "So no matter what, I'm never apart from her." "Everyone drink!" "Shall we all drink from your tits?" "All cuckolds!" "Pietro." "What?" "If that priest is such a good friend... I was thinking... why not have him teach you his magic spell?" "Then you can turn me into a mare and carry everything on the donkey and the mare, which will be me, transformed by the spell." "I'll be an obedient mare, and we'll earn twice as much." "And at home you'll turn me back into a woman." "What do you say?" "Don Gianni." "Don Gianni, why don't you teach us the spell to turn my wife into a mare and then back into a woman?" "Please, for the love of God." "You see how poor we are." "Do us this favor." "It wouldn't cost you anything." "Do you really believe I can?" "Yes, I do." "All right." "Then I'll teach you the spell early tomorrow morning." "But you'll see that the hardest part is sticking the tail on." "Remember that I wouldn't do this for anyone else in the world." "And only because you insist." "But if you want the miracle to happen, you must do exactly as I say." "Now, Pietro... watch me closely, and don't forget what I tell you." "But above all, if you don't want to spoil it all, no matter what you see or hear, you mustn't say a single word." "I'll be mute as a fish." "Let's pray to God that the tail sticks on well." "Now, Gemmata... strip naked." "Stark naked?" "Yes, naked... as a newborn babe." "Come on, get undressed." "Now get down like a mare." "You hold this lantern." "Let this be a pretty mare's head." "Let this be a pretty mare's mane." "Let these be a pretty mare's legs and hoofs." "Let these be a pretty mare's flanks." "Let these be a pretty mare's breasts." "And let this be... a pretty mare's tail!" "I don't want a tail!" "Pietro, what have you done?" "I told you not to say a word!" "I don't want a tail!" "You've ruined it by speaking." "It's impossible to begin again." "lmpossible." "I can't do it." "Woe to him who dies in mortal sin." "They say that whoever repents just before he dies is saved." "What kind of place do we go to after death?" "What do you think?" "Who knows, Meuccio?" "What do you think heaven and hell will be like, Tingoccio?" "That again?" "You want to see me dead, is that it?" "Who knows?" "I might die first." "It's all in the Lord's hands." " Meuccio." " What?" "Let's make a pact." "The first one to die lets the other one know what it's like." "Yes, let's!" " You swear?" " l swear." "So do I." "I'm in mortal sin because of you!" "Then so am I, because of you." "Because if I'm your lover, then you're mine." "And if a woman commits mortal sin by screwing her lover, then he commits mortal sin by screwing her." "Holy Virgin, forgive us!" "What's one sin more or less?" "Let's do it again." "You're as pale as a corpse." "You're crazy." "Say what you want, but if you keep it up like this with your girlfriend, you'll be sorry." "I tell you, fool that I am." "Do you even think about your health?" "No, of course not." "I'd like to screw around with my girlfriend too, and she'd be willing." "But I think instead of the salvation of my soul." "When I die, I want my soul to be without sin before God." "Yes, my dear, I told poor Tingoccio so many times." ""Two or three times, okay - but no more."" "But the stubborn man wouldn't listen." "Month after month he did it - five, six, seven, eight... nine times a day!" "He never stopped." "Poor Tingoccio!" "And look at him now." "Meuccio." "Who's there?" "It's Tingoccio." "And per our promise, I've come to tell you of the other world." "Welcome back, my brother." "Are you saved?" "Or are you a lost soul?" "If I was lost, how could I be here?" "That's not what I meant." "What I mean is... is your soul damned to hellfire?" "Not yet... but because of my terrible sins, my sentence is heavy, and I suffer greatly." "is punishment the same for all?" "No, some burn in fire, some are boiled in water." "Others freeze in ice, and others sink in shit." "Tell me... can I do anything for you here on earth?" "Yes, indeed." "Have masses said, pray, and be charitable." "All these help us a lot." "Don't worry. I'll do as you say." "I have to go. lt's almost dawn." "So long." "Take care." "Wait!" "May I ask a question?" "For all your screwing around, how were you punished?" "What can I say?" "When I got there, I met someone who knew every one of my sins." "I thought that for all my sins with my girlfriend, my punishment would be worse." "I was shaking with fear." "Someone asked why I was so afraid, and I said..." ""l'm guilty of terrible sins with my girlfriend." "We did it so much that I'm here now."" "They just laughed." ""Fool!" "Don't be afraid." "Here we have nothing against screwing around."" "Meuccio, I've got to go now." "Be good." "Lover!" "It's not a sin!" "Go get the wine." "Here's the wine!" "Now we'll all get drunk!" "To your health!" "To your health, Master." "To the Master, who's created a great work of art for our city!" "To your health, and thank you, my friends!" "Good luck, Master, with your next work." "This good wine is the spirit of Saint Anthony!" "But I wonder..." "This wine is bliss for us to piss!" "Why complete a work when it's so beautiful just to dream it?"