"Previously on Off The Map:" "Yeah, he's smooth, he's hot." "He's also a wanted criminal." "We probably shouldn't be seen together." "I've caused you enough trouble already." "I miss you in my bed." " We can still be amigos." " I don't know how to do that." "I need your help." " How bad is it?" " You're in heart failure." "Lily, you shouldn't have come." "Your crop, what is it?" "Coca, cocaine." " It's an illegal drug." " It's a leaf." " That gets made into an illegal drug." " Used to treat altitude sickness." " And snorted off hookers." " Herbal teas." "Oh, come on." "That's where you make your profits?" "The herbal tea business?" " Big in South America, huge." " Would you just let me explain?" "Everything makes perfect sense right now." "Why you lied." "Why the police came after you." " I mean your family grows cocaine." " It's a leaf." "Yep, she's a fish." "How has no one ever seen this- -?" "Mi familia, they've farmed this land for over 50 years, and the policía is trying to take it from them." "Let the policía have it." "They can grow something else." "You think exactly like an American." "What does that mean?" "You think that if the policía took this land, that they'd grow something else on it?" "No, they'd pocket the profits for themselves." "Madison." "Look, she had to go back into the ocean, okay?" "They're from two different worlds." "Okay, okay." "It's not gonna work." "I grew up on Nancy Reagan and Just Say No, so..." "So it's not gonna work?" "What is it with the rainy season?" "I've got five madres in labor already." "Need help?" "Enjoy your breakfast." "Sorry." "I would've brought you one, but I- " "Never mind." "I didn't like them anyway." "Always threw them away when you weren't looking." "Cole, need you to head up to Cresta Urcaguary." "Couple of trespassers got injured down in the mines." "That's the second time this year." "Must be the Incan curse." "Curse, my ass." "Bunch of fools still think there's gold down there." "How come you aren't going, Indiana Jones?" " Indiana Jones?" "Really?" " Yeah." " Dude, you're the one with the hat." " Yeah, but you got the stubble." "I'm gonna stick around here today." "She get that echo yet?" "She needs a heart transplant." "So then Keeton tells me to follow my awesome jungle instincts, and I end up at a cocaine farm." " Thought I had a bad date." " Problems with Alma?" "It's not going anywhere." "I don't understand that girl." " She won't let you touch her boob?" " No, I literally- " "I literally don't understand her." "She speaks Spanish." "Fuller, you're in the ER." "Brenner, you're gonna go with Cole." "Bring your talisman." "We're in a cursed Incan mine." "Bring it on." "I'm already cursed." "Oh, Dr. Minard." "Providing ob- gyn services to the community is a big part of what we do here." "You haven't delivered any babies yet." "There's a reason for that." "I don't like babies." "You don't have to like them." "You just gotta catch them." "You're with Zee." "I really would prefer the cursed mine." "Legend says that any thief foolish enough to enter gets punished by Urcaguary, the Incan god of buried treasure, and eventually goes mad." "Or gets poisoned." "Pockets of toxic gas are common underground here, right?" "Hydrogen sulfide." "You do your homework, Brenner." "Prolonged exposure can cause hypoxia altered mental status, delirium." " That's why the government sealed it up." "Check on the one who got out." "I'll get the lowdown from the rescue workers." "Hi." "I'm Dr. Brenner." "Now, you climbed out by hand?" "Sí, my brothers needed help." "Our rope broke." "Edgar fell and hurt his leg." "Our brother Poni wouldn't leave him." "What were you doing in a sealed- off mine?" "I was on the crew who sealed it." "I know my way around down there, so my estúpido brothers come to me and say, "Hey, hermano, let's go look for gold."" "There's no gold down there, man." "Got cleaned out years ago." "I know that." "Still I let them talk me into it." "I'm the oldest." "I am supposed to be the responsable one." "We all make a bad call now and then." "My brothers and I, we've made them all our lives." "So the rescue guy went down, but they've had spotty contact, probably because of the depth." "It's what, veinte metros?" "I'll drop in, check the leg, and we'll get them out." "Hey, Brenner, hold my hat." " We'll work on that." " Yeah." " All right, thanks, man." " Okay." "Bring me up." "Take me down." "Please, help." "Soy doctor." "Dr. Cole." "You Edgar?" "Here you go, Edgar." "All right, Edgar, you have an open fracture." "Have to splint it before we get you in this harness." "No, no, no." "Don't worry about me, The rescue worker there, he's hurt." " Who did this to him?" " My brother Poni." "The curse." "It's real." "Just keep holding it really steady." "When the rescue worker came down, Poni went crazy." "He kept yelling." "And I tried to tell him these people were here to help." "He wouldn't listen." "There's gases peligrosos down here." "They're making him paranoid." "And he ran away, deeper into the mine." "What if he doesn't come back?" "Brenner, I got an auxiliary penetration from a pickaxe." "The rescue worker got stabbed." "Oh, my God." "How bad is it?" "No pulse in his wrist." "He could lose the arm." "Copy that." "I'll be ready when he comes up." "What about Poni?" "We can't just leave him down here." " I can hear him digging." " No one's leaving anyone." "What is with Birth du Soleil?" "They're Quechua, a Native Andean culture." "The women don't normally give birth in hospitals." "I can see why." "To encourage them to come here and deliver in the presence of a doctor, we allow them to do it their way." "It's a public health initiative to reduce maternal mortality rates." " It's a very good idea." " This is ubos leaf powder." "Use it as a poultice to help progress labor." "Babassu oil for the baby's scalp, and that is their godmother knife." "They tell me it's been in their family for generations." "Tica is the midwife and the patient's sister." "She is also the godmother- to- be." "She will use it to cut the umbilical cord." " Okay, well, where do I come in?" " You don't." "You only assist in an emergency." "Otherwise stay out of the way." "You want me to stand here and just do nothing?" "Can you handle it?" "Because I've got my hands full of laboring mothers right now." "Well, there is an old lady playing an armadillo." "So, yeah, I think I can sit this one out." "Heart rate's up to 120." "Better get on that stat, Dr. Fuller." "You're like the youngest doctor I've ever seen." "I'm super smart." "Temperature's up to 103, Mr. Cooper." "That kind of concerns me." "That's nothing, doc." "Come on." "You wouldn't even think twice about it if it wasn't for that stupid little ALS thing." " ALS is not a little thing." "Listen, just give me a couple aspirin and we'll be out of here, okay?" " We've got birds to watch, right, KK?" " The dumb birds can wait, Dad." "You need to rest." " Pretty peppy for a guy under the weather." " Oh, he's gotta be peppy," "He talks to a million commuters every morning." " Do the voice, honey." " All right." "This is Morris in the Morning keeping you alive on your Monday morning drive, a double shot of espresso for your ears." "I'm sorry, Morris, but I'm gonna have to keep you at least overnight." "We gotta check for bacteria, parasites." "All right, you guys go without me, okay?" "I don't wanna ruin your day too." "And listen, KK, 100 bucks for a photo of a black tinamou." "Hey, put your thermometer away, doctor." "I'm not sticking around." "I got an appointment with a medical miracle." "What?" "Down here getting a stem cell transplant." "A jungle doctor's curing my ALS." "What's all that?" "Enalapril, metoprolol, Lasix, CoQ- 10." "I spoke to a cardiologist in San Miguel." "He's had Chagas' patients stave off heart transplants for years on this regimen." "I know a top transplant surgeon at Columbia." "I put in a call this morning." "You'll go next week for an eval, and then you're on the list." "I didn't ask you to do that." " No, I know you didn't." " I don't need one yet." "And when I do, I'll get a transplant here, in Lima or Rio." "You got a better shot of finding a donor in the States." "You know that." " Come on, you're going to New York." " No, I'm not." "My entire life is here." "I'm not ready to just be put in some cage." " Yeah, I'm trying to be your doctor." " I don't need you to be my doctor." "I don't need you to be anything." "I just need you to let me- " "I need a consult." " On what?" " I have no idea." "Poni did that?" "He must be out of his mind." "Send the line back down for the next patient now." "His blood's dark." "Deoxygenated." "That means he only injured a vein and the hematoma is compressing the artery." "Are you sure?" "He has a pulse." "We just saved his arm." "Okay, pressure dressing and back to the clinic now." "Dr. Cole, we just restored blood flow to the arm." "The guy's gonna be fine." "Copy that." "Now, Edgar's open tibia fracture requires morphine and reduction." "I'm on it." "Younger brother's still down here." " How much line is on this winch?" " About 100 meters." "I'm going to catch the lead, so I won't get lost." " I'm going after Poni." " What?" "I don't think that's a good idea." "I'm sure there's lots of tunnels." "He could be anywhere." "Dr. Cole?" "Hello?" "Radio contact fades the deeper you get." "He's already gone." "Excuse me, perdón." "No need to stop the party." "I'm just checking in." "My sister and her family only speak Quechua." "Of course, I'm sorry." "I'm just concerned that your sister's labor isn't progressing." "With respect, doctora, I was trained in Lima as a licensed partera." "I know what I'm doing." "Chart says she's been laboring since yesterday." "And to be safe, I would like to check the fetal heart tones, because if they're low, we should consider a C- section." "You want to cut the baby out so you can get to your hot date?" " What?" " American doctoras," "I hear you're all the same, not one bit of patience." "A C- section is a procedure that protects both the mother and the child." "It's not just cutting someone open, and believe me, I don't have a hot date." "It is important my sister give birth exactly like this, close to Pachamama, Mother Earth." "We believe the longer we labor, the longer our child's patience and understanding." "I didn't realize that." "You must have been born by C- section." "I have never seen a catheter quite like this." "Oh, yeah, Dr. Cameron designed it especially for the stem cell treatment." "Well, it's badly infected, which is the source of your fever." "We're gonna have to remove that immediately and put you on antibiotics." "No, no." "Dr. Cameron said I gotta keep it in." "I got one more round of treatment." "Morris, if this infection spreads to your bloodstream, it could cause your blood pressure to drop, even cause death." "Well, guess what." "So can ALS." "Morris, con artists pop up all the time in the jungle." "These guys with barely any medical experience, calling themselves doctors." "Cameron's no quack." "He's helping me." "I'm already feeling stronger." "It's difficult to accept, but there's no cure for ALS." "Even stem cell research hasn't proven anything." " You guys don't birdwatch, do you?" " Birdwatch?" " Birdwatch, yeah." " Not so much." "No, can't say I do." "Well, these birds we're looking for, the tinamous, they're these big dumb jungle birds that can hardly fly." "I mean, they're barely holding on to the one thing that makes them a bird." " Lmagine being a bird and you can't fly." " Nature's humor." "Yeah." "Now, I'm a big dumb guy." "I don't got much to give." "I talk, people listen." "I'm the voice that makes them feel a little better when they're driving to their terrible jobs." "I give them a laugh, distract them from their road rage." "It's not just a wheelchair." "It's not just my arms and my legs gone." "ALS," "it's gonna take my voice." "It's gonna take the one thing that makes me me." "Now, if that was your future, wouldn't you go to the ends of the earth to change it?" " We don't have to remove the catheter." " What?" "We can use topical Mupirocin in concert with IV treatment through the catheter, blast the infection site directly." "And let this guy go on thinking that hack cured his ALS?" "We'll get the infection under control, then deal with the disease." "I don't think it's the ideal time to take away his hope." "No, it's not hope, it's denial." "If it gets that man through one more day of a horrible diagnosis, what's the difference?" "We get the first sign of sepsis, that thing's coming out." "Head is out." "What's wrong?" "What is it?" " The baby's shoulder is caught." " It's shoulder dystocia." "What are you doing?" "Quechua technique, moves the baby into the right position." "It's not enough." "I have to rotate the baby shoulders inward, okay?" "You do your way, I'll do mine." "Okay, I see the head." "If I could just get the shoulder..." "Got it." "I'll get the..." "What?" "Oh, crap." "You just became the godmother." "I mean, can't we just do a do- over?" "You could cut the cord again and you're it." "That's not how it works." "Severing the connection from baby to mother is a sacred irreversible act." "What were you thinking?" "I told you what the knife was for." "I was not thinking." "I was saving the kid's life." "What are the duties of a Quechuan madrina?" "What?" "She is a member of the family and role model to the child for life." "She comes to the unuchakuy ceremony tonight and names the baby." "Come on, that is so all you, Tica." "It's too late for me now." " There's gotta be some way out of this." " Not without insulting their culture." "I can live with that." "No child wants me as a role model." "This is a remote, closed culture." "These women need to feel respected or they're going to deliver their babies in their homes." "Now, if that would have happened today, that baby could have died." "So you're telling me that in the name of public health- " "You need to take one for the team, doctora." "Poni?" "Soy doctor." "I'm here to help." "We gotta get you out of here, amigo." "You're breathing too much gas." "You're not in your right mind." "Come on, Poni." "Work with me here." "Now we're getting somewhere." "It's Poni, always Poni." "Remember when he entered us in motocross so he could fix the betting?" "You cracked your skull open." "You crashed into me." "You cracked my skull open." "Edgar, you have an open tibia fracture, so I need to set it now." "Even with the morphine, it's gonna hurt." "Okay?" "Look at me, hermano." " You should've told him no this time." " Me?" " You should've told him no." " You're oldest." " I shouldn't have to take care- " " Okay, stay still." "You knew the mine, knew it like the back of your hand- " " This is not my fault- " " Hey, stop it, both of you." "My colleague's down there right now risking his life for your little brother." "And for that, I blame the whole damn family, so stay still." "Got it?" "Well, I'm a godmother." "I feel like I just got knocked up, but I didn't even get to have the unprotected sex." "What's wrong with you?" "My patient is being treated by some con artist jungle doctor and he thinks it's curing his ALS." " That's evil." " Yeah." "My plastics practice back in Chicago was between a corn dog shop and a tanning salon in a strip mall." "I was selling snake oil to people, just things they didn't need." "Silicone to women who were already beautiful, nose jobs to girls whose noses weren't even fully developed yet." "Your patients weren't terminally ill." "And you weren't giving them false hope." "You were giving them fake boobs." "Thanks." "So now that you owe me..." "Wait, wait, what?" "I have to go to this Quechuan naming party tonight," " and I'm gonna need a wing man." " Yeah, no." "I'm sorry." " It will be fun." " No." "There will be drinking and music." "Mina, Mina, Mina." "There are not enough pesos in the jungle- " "I will be wearing a traditional dress to respect the local culture and you have full permission to laugh at me." "I will be there." "Great." "Hey, Poni." "I'm Dr. Cole." "I couldn't let him have my gold." "I know, but there's no gold, amigo." "There's no gold." "Now, the gas, the gas is very thick here, so we got to get out." "Hold it, Poni, stop." "Stop." "Look, look, look, you really don't want to do that." "Don't swing that axe, all right?" "You're digging into a gas pocket." "Poni." "Don't move." "Don't- -!" "Pull him up now." "Go, go, go." "Come on, come on, come on." "Dr. Cole?" " Dr. Cole?" " It was a gas explosion." "Cole, can you hear me?" "We're coming down after you, okay?" "There might not be anyone to go after." "Why isn't anybody moving?" "After a gas explosion, it's not safe." "They're just civilian volunteers." "Come on, my colleague's down there." "Your bro- " "Okay, fine, I'll just go alone." "Whatever." "No, you won't." "I know this mine better than anyone." " Tried Ancef and vancomycin." " No." "No, it didn't work." "Your BP is dropping and this infection is progressing to sepsis." "I'm going." "I have an appointment." "Morris, this thing is coming out of your leg now." "What thing?" "Morris, what is that?" "It's a cure, honey, for the ALS." "It's a new treatment with stem cells." "No, no, no." "You promised no more cures." "It's working." "Look, I couldn't do that yesterday." "Just like the magic spring water in India worked or that crazy chelation therapy in China." "You were feeling great after that too." "Dr. Cameron says I'll be walking by the time we get home." "Don't you want me to walk again, KK?" "Practice soccer with you?" "I just have to get the last course of the stem cell treatment." " So bring me my chair." "I'm leaving." " No." "Mrs. Cooper." "Honey, bring me my chair, KK." " Sir." " Dad." " I'll do it myself." " Can you just stop?" " Oh, my God." "Morris?" " Hey." "It's all right." "I don't understand." "It was working." "I know it was." "Can I help you?" "I'm looking for Dr. Brenner." "Going incognito now, mate?" "Last time I came here, I caused algunos problemas." "Yeah, I remember." "She's out in the field." "Hey, if you wanna write her a note, I'll make sure she gets it." "Thank you." "We had an argument last night." "I'm not exactly her favorite person right now." "So you're the curse." " I'm sorry?" " Hey, look, it's none of my business, but all the sneaking around, I don't think it's helping your cause, man." "Would you please ask her to meet me at the cantina tonight?" "Just to hear me out." " Sure." " Thank you." "You look out for her, don't you?" "Hey, I look after all my employees." "Dr. Cole." "Hang on, we're coming." "Please, please, please, be okay." "Poni's harder to kill than a cucaracha." "If your friend was with him, he'll be okay." "Which way do we go?" "Oh, the feedback." "We'll be able to hear it, right?" "Dr. Cole, can you hear me?" "Thank you." "I'm glad you came in." "Hey, are you okay?" "Fine." "It's just a little acid reflux." " Please." " The doctors at home say I'm stressed." "Are you?" "My husband's got ALS, so I guess I am." "I'm sorry." "It's a hard diagnosis." "It can take time to accept." "It's been three years now." "I've accepted it." "His sister's accepted it." "Our daughter's only 14 and she's accepted it." "Everyone's accepted it except Morris." "And to watch him search the world for these faith healers, crooks..." "My husband's going to die." "And I know it sounds horrible, but I wish to God he'd just stop fighting it." "So we could all live again." "Dr. Cole?" "Oh, thank God." "Hey, check the kid, He was thrown by the blast." "Might have internal injuries." "Good breath sounds, tender abdomen." " Are you okay?" " Fine, I'm fine." "Just- " "You got a flashlight, though?" "My headlamp went out." "No, it's on." "Then why can't I see a damn thing?" "Possible intra- abdominal hemorrhage from a gas explosion." " We're gonna need an ultrasound." " Go prep the OR." "Open tibia fracture, status post reduction." " Might need internal fixation." " But where is Otis?" " Where is Otis?" " Extensive corneal burns from the blast." "He can't even count fingers." "How you holding up, Dr. Jones?" "Been better." "Managed to save this guy, though." " Hey, loca." " Can you see me?" "No, just knew you'd be here." "Okay." "Let's get you inside, mate." "Come on, let's go." "Go." "Good news, Morris." "Infection's clearing up, your BP is up, your temperature's- " " Who are you?" " I'm Dr. Cameron, Morris's physician." "I understand we had a complication with the catheter." "Yeah, if by "complication" you mean it was contaminated and inserted incorrectly." "He got septic and almost died." "I feel terrible about that, but our treatment did get interrupted." "You were making incredible progress, Morris." "Best I've seen yet." "Excuse me." "What exactly were you giving him?" "High- dose steroids or was it just dirty saline?" "It's a novel experimental technique." "Not everyone's familiar with the science." "I know who you are and I know what you do and you need to leave." "I'd be happy to offer another course of treatment." "If I had the strength to hit you right now, I would." "I'll stop back when you're feeling better." "Think about it, Morris." "Time with your family." "The ability to walk again." "Okay, you heard my patient." "Time to leave." "The ability to speak." "It's priceless." "And I'd be happy to offer another treatment at cost, 50 grand." " What the hell are you doing?" " I'm following my patient's orders." "Now get the hell out." "If I ever see your face in here again," "I will mess it up way worse than that." "Get out." " Was that him?" " Yeah, but he's not coming back." " Morris." " I'm so sorry." " I know." "It's okay." " I'm sorry." "Morris, you were wrong about your voice making you who you are." "It's them." "And they're not going anywhere." "I love you." "I just heard." "How is he?" "I started two liters of irrigation and then I'll check his sight in a few hours." "I'm sure he'll be fine." "How are you holding up?" "I'm great." "I can see, too, because I'm not a machista idiota who risks his life trying to be some kind of hero." "Do you know he just went down after that kid without thinking," " without even stopping to- -?" " Tell you?" "Mira, we're not together anymore, so he doesn't owe me anything." "I just wish that he could see how his decisions affect other people." "Keeton wants me to go to New York." "For a transplant?" " You hate New York." " It's not just up to me, is it?" "No, cariño." "Not anymore." "Don't." "Come on, it's the only reason I came." "You promised." "Fine." " You look like a piñata." " I got it in town." "I'm trying to be culturally sensitive." "Hey, best part, you'll get to wear it again." " To a quinceañera." " You are..." " How do you say "blue" in Spanish?" " It's not that bad." "No, it's great." "I love it." "I came from another party and I didn't have time to change." "Cute." "No?" "Oh, sorry." "You gotta try this." " What is it?" " It's called chicha." "It literally is fermented old- lady spit." "It's delicious." " It's tasty." " Yeah." " Yeah." " Tasty." "Oh, you tasty, huh?" " Hold this." " What?" "Okay." "Just do it." "Cute kid." "I'm sorry." "I know that you wanted the job." "I really just wished someone had stopped me." "When you picked up the knife, I knew what you were going to do." "I could have stopped you, doctora." "So then why didn't you?" "I shouldn't be a role model either." "But you're- " "She's your sister." "You're a partera, you're a midwife." "I deliver babies because I'm good at it." "It doesn't mean I want to shepherd one through life." "Oh, man, I am so screwed." "I'll help you, okay?" "Maybe we can share the responsibilities." "It won't be that bad." "So, what do we do now?" "We have to name her." "Pilpintu." "Quechua for butterfly." "It's perfect." "She looks like a little butterfly in a cocoon." "But it's kind of scratchy material." "Are you sure that this is good?" "These are traditional Quechua blankets passed down many generations." "Love it." "Done and done." "So, what exactly are we looking for?" "Ultrasound showed some kind of mass, but I couldn't identify it from the image." "Oh, your friend stopped by." "Wants you to meet him at the cantina." "Mateo came here?" " In the middle of the day?" " High noon, bright and sunny." "Was he wearing a disguise like a fake beard and a funny hat?" "Close, yeah." "You sure know how to pick them, Brenner." " I got something right here." " Fifteen blade." "Looks like some kind of ingestion." "Something he swallowed?" "It's definitely an ingestion." " Is that- -?" " Gold." "Guess Urcaguary had some buried treasure after all, huh?" "Over 90 percent corneal burn on this side too." "You should be able to see in a week, no problem." "I got hit by that curse pretty bad." " You don't believe in curses." " Not the supernatural kind." "Just the ones I brought on myself by being a dumbass." "Look, I know you've moved on, it's too late, but you should know, not a day goes by" "that I don't curse myself for letting you go, loca." "Salty." "Are you crying, loca?" " Are you crying?" " No, no." "I'm sweaty." "It's hot as hell in here." "All right, shut up, okay?" "Stop imagining things." "And sit up and open your eyes." "Okay, I need you to read this chart." "You might only be able to make out the first line tonight, but that's okay." "Something's strange, doctora." "I only have eyes for you." " Read the chart." " All right, all right." "Z," "Z," " Z." " Fine." "Z." "I really can read the first line." ""E, L, T, T." See that?" "Gracias, doctora, for saving my brothers' life." "Both of them." "This is what we found inside of Poni." "He swallowed all of those pieces?" "He kept telling me he couldn't find any gold and all along he was hiding it, keeping it for himself, after all I've done for him." "The two of them." "So much for la familia primero." "The police are coming." "Probably gonna charge all of you with trespassing." "But maybe if you explain that you're a smart guy who got dragged into doing something really stupid- " "And sell out my brothers?" "Look, I know they're your family and that you'd do anything for them, but maybe it's time you did something for yourself." "I hate New York." "I hate bagels." "I hate the smell in the subway." "I hate that there's hardly anything green." "And please give me a jungle rat over a city rat any day." "No, no, no." "See, there you're wrong." "A rat is a rat." "I hate it, but I'll go." "It's my best shot." "I wanna take it." "When I get a heart, I'll be on immunosuppressants." "I know." "Jungle's no place for the weak." "You just keep ditching us, don't you?" "Flower is legal, I swear." "Too soon?" "They're your family." "No matter what trouble they get you into, you're always gonna have their back." "You have to." "It's possible." "But right now they're playing a really great song." "In español, when we say "to love,"" "we say querer, "to want."" "To want something more, because nothing is ever perfect for us, or easy." "This place is filled with things nobody can change." "And they cause enough damage for enough people." "So why should they also be able to tell us who we should be with?" "Who can make us happy?" "I don't care anymore." "They can arrest me right here in the middle of this dance floor, because this is a really great song" "and you're worth the risk." "The song." "It's over." "Lily." "It really is just a leaf." "Is this it?" "There are patients asleep." "I need something strong for the hangover I'm gonna have tomorrow." " Old lady spit is dangerous, right?" " Yeah." "It's deadly." "Eat that." " What is it?" " It's like aspirin." "Whatever." "Where are we right now?" " I know, right?" " I'm a godmother." "You know, I punched a dude today." "That's a" " This is a bad idea." "It's very bad." "Very ba- "