"[grunting]" "You guys are really going to regret this" "When it's cleanup time." "[crowd shouting] [cans clattering]" "Who throws a sink?" "Who carries a sink for the purpose of throwing?" "[coughing] really?" "Bug spray?" "No, I'm not in a zombie flick where they want my brains." "It's worse." "It's spider-man versus new york." "You heard me, good citizens." "Daily bugle communications" "Will hand $10 million" "To the first person to unmask spider-man." "[crowd clamoring]" "Come on, new york." "You're better than this." "Remember all those times" "When I did something really awesome" "That saved you and your personal property" "From someone really evil" "And you were all relieved and junk?" "[crickets chirping] [clamoring]" "Greed, one." "Gratitude, zip." "Fyi," "This is supposed to be the first day" "Of a nice long weekend," "But no." "[school bell rings]" "S.H.I.E.L.D. Is sending us" "To uber-adventure water palace for a little vay-cay." "It's the sickest, wettest, slippiest water park" "In the whole world." "I like slippy." "Oh, why do I have to memorize these books" "On s.H.I.E.L.D. Strategy and team dynamics?" "Don't forget eye on the prize," "Director fury's official biography." "You're the leader, parker." "Leaders don't get slippy." "They work hard for the good of the team." "Last one in is a spider's egg!" "Ha-ha!" "[sighs]" "Aunt may?" "Where are you going?" "Great aunt julia broke her arms" "In a water-skiing accident." "She needs me to look after her for a few days." "Isn't she, like, 105?" "Where was she water-skiing?" "Uber-adventure water palace." "It's supposed to be wonderful." "So I'm alone, drowning in s.H.I.E.L.D. Homework, and hunted." ""unappreciated" pretty much sums it up." "Extra!" "Extra!" "Read all about it!" "Who says "extra, extra" anymore?" "Mayor of boston offers spider-man key to the city" "If he relocates to beantown." "Boston?" "At least someone appreciates" "My unique blend of witty banter" "And crime-fighting panache." "[man] heh-heh, gotcha." "A butterfly net?" "This is just insulting." "You know what, new york?" "I'm finished with the big crabapple." "I'm moving to a city who wants what I have to offer." "What do you have to say about that, huh?" "Take off your mask before you go?" "Daddy needs an epad thingamajig." "Oh, I'd tell you where to stuff those cameras," "But I was raised better than that." "Instead, boston, here comes spider-man." ""boston needs its own hero, and that hero is spider-man."" "I couldn't agree more, mr." "Mayor of boston," "Whose name I will learn eventually." "At least I'm free for the weekend." "Can't just ditch everyone," "Even though they all ditched me." "Wow, "new home of the amazing spider-man."" "Best idea in history." "[crowd chanting] spider-man." "Spider-man..." "Whoa, this is huge." "I don't think I'm ready for this." "Eh, think schmink." "Look at them, they love you." "Yeah, it's true." "Go get 'em, tiger." "Did both of you just agree with me?" "Yeah, I could do this." "[crowd cheering]" "You wanted me, you got me, boston." "Ladies and gentlemen," "I give you boston's very own superhero," "The amazing arachnid," "Spidah-man!" "It's "spider-man," sir." "There's an "r" in the middle." "Spidah-man." "That's what I said." "Spider-man." "Right, spidah-man." "Der." "Dah." "Der." "You want the key to the city or not, chucklehead?" "Yes, I do." "[crowd cheering]" "Spidah-man, a few words?" "I have to say something that inspires greatness" "But at the same time is humble and modest." "Ah, of course." "To my new boston besties," "New york stinks!" "[crowd chanting] spider-man!" "Spider-man... [spider-man] I just want to be clear here." "This is on a trial basis, okay?" "Of course, but trust me." "You're gonna love boston." "The best part is we ain't got any super villains, none." "If you don't have any super villains," "Why do you want" "Money, sonny." "Superhero is great for business." "Wicked, right?" "All the additional revenue" "Allows the city to afford" "Tons of improvements," "And this-- the spider cave." "[spider-man] spidey copter?" "Spidey tank?" "Spidey inline skates and pogo stick?" "My own semi-secret lair?" "It's beautiful." "I never felt so appreciated in all my life." "Sorry, I promised myself I wouldn't get boogers in the mask." "What super lair would be complete" "Without your very own personal butler?" "Huh, spidah?" "Meet charles." "What's up, chuck?" "[chuckles] up-chuck." "Some boston baked beans, sir." "[flatulence] perhaps some cream pie." "Together?" "Ew, pass," "Or I really will upchuck, chuck." "[sighs]" "I can't believe you did all this for me." "At least you stopped short of getting me a sidekick." "That might've been creepy." "He's right behind me, isn't he?" "No, because then I'd be a behind-kick." "[shrieks]" "Ow." "Meet ollie osnick," "Boston's most brilliant high schooler" "And expert on all things superhero." "It was his idea to bring you to boston," "And he created all these amazing gadgets." "Wicked genius, this kid." "I have dreamt of this day" "Since I first saw you soaring" "Above the cold concrete canyons of manhattan." "I know everything about you," "All your moves, style." "Webby will not let you down, sir." "Webby?" "Yeah." "No, you don't like it." "Okay, noted." "How about spider-lad?" "Arachni-boy?" "Little thwipper." "Thwip, thwip, thwip, thwip." "I made a long list." "Most awkward." "Well, he's clearly a genius," "And he has great taste in superheroes," "But a sidekick?" "I hate to do this, but..." "Ollie, son, you've done incredible work here." "You have a true gift," "But being a superhero is dangerous business," "Especially if you don't have powers." "I'm sorry, but" "B-b-b-but your life is so wicked awesome." "It's all I ever wanted." "Everything I did I did for you." "You heard him, kid." "No sidekicks." "We'll get in touch with you when the cave needs a tune-up." "Wait." "I was going to say there's other ways he can help." "Oh, osnick will be fine." "Come on, I want to show you the spider clam boat." "Then you can start work." "[chuckles] [grumbles]" "My purse!" "He stole my purse!" "[laughing] [gasps]" "Whoa!" "We don't want his insurance to go up." "Do we, officer?" "Wait a minute." "Police." "Freeze!" "Boston is beautiful." "Spider-man" "I can't think of a more stalwart," "Upstanding, and wondrous creature." "[alarm blaring] [man] thief!" "Guards!" "[spider-man] pop fly coming your way." "Spidey's on the clock, fellas." "Spider-man is our new hometown hero." "[scream] [web stretches]" "Huh?" "It's for you." "The bank says there's a penalty for early withdrawal." "[groans]" "How funny is it that you ran past the last phone booth in existence?" "That joke wouldn't have been half as good" "If I just threw my cell phone at your head." "[crowd chanting] spidey!" "Spidey... [giggles]" "Let's hear for spider-man," "The solution to boston's every menace." "Mm, I'm having the time of my life, chuck." "Too bad it can't last." "I really have to get back." "My team must be falling apart." "Plus I have this aunt who can barely get on without me." "[sighs] [cell phone rings] hello." "Peter?" "I'm sorry to do this to you," "But aunt julia asked me to stay a few days longer." "The poor dear." "A few days?" "Oh, wicked awesome." "I mean, no problem." "Later." "Good-bye, guilt." "Hello, day two." "Good morning, boston." "Morning, spider-man." "High-five." "Yay!" "Yay!" "Whatta you got for me today?" "Dog napping?" "Jaywalking with intent to litter?" "Hm?" "Ow!" "The villains are coming!" "The villains are coming!" "Spider sense must be on the fritz." "There are no villains in" "We told you so." "Apparently you did." "Welcome to boston, spider-man." "Say hello to the boston terror-iers." "What?" "[growling]" "Boston terriers?" "An evil pun." "I knew this was too good to be true." "I'm the plymouth rocket," "And I rock the house." "And spiders." "You may call me salem's witch." "I'll put a hex on you." "And I am slam adams." "I..." "Slam stuff." "Together we are the..." "Boston terror-iers." "You opened with that." "Usually it's the other way around." "Just saying." "Look, my butler's keeping some chowder warm for me," "So can we skip to where you just surrender?" "You're obviously new at this." "Sorry, I meant "surrenduh."" "I cannot get this accent" "Boston went from no super villains to three over night?" "That's a little convenient." "Whoa!" "Nice catch, boston." "Nothing like my old home crowd." "[screams]" "I'm walkin' here." "This isn't the plan." "Life is supposed to be better here," "And I'm getting my webs handed to me" "By a pirate, a schoolteacher," "And a boulder-headed pilgrim." "These guys are clueless," "But someone armored them up good." "Maybe chuck can activate some of my new spidah-tech" "And send it my way." "Sorry." "There's an "r" in there." "Yo, chuck, I need bostony butler backup." "[grunting]" "It's so hard to find good help in this business." "[wristwatch beeping] finally." "Chuck, I need you to" "You need to watch what you're smashing, mr." "Spidah." "Spidah stock sales can only salvage" "So much of my city." "Sorry, comes with the territory." "[plymouth rocket] hey, no fair!" "You're right." "Three against one isn't fair." "Batter up." "That should teach you guys not to mess" "With boston's one and only superhero." "Not done yet, pilgrim." "Pilgrim?" "Paul revere had nothing to do with the pilgrims." "Well, maybe you should pay better attention in history class" "If you want your spider sense to be historically accurate." "[clangs]" "For example, the liberty bell is in philadelphia." "Ow." "The name's steel spider," "And you are about to be proven obsolete." "This is my home town." "Boston needs a real hero," "Not a rented one." "Go back to where you belong, spider-man." "This city doesn't need you." "Au contraire, copybot." "With creeps like you tearing things up," "Boston really needs their beloved spider-man." "Everyone, move away from here." "Now." "Glad to see you're feeling better, evil librarian." "She's a witch." "He's a patriot." "I'm a national landmark." "Pay attention." "If you stop hitting me," "I'll brush up on my villain's guide to boston," "Pinkie swear." "Before you say good-bye," "I want you to say hello to my friends." "Huh?" "Hey, I threw you all in jail yesterday." "Or was that a dream?" "Everything's sort of fuzzy and in a boston accent." "[steel spider] I broke them out of prison last night" "And fitted them with the latest technology." "But why?" "Why would you do that?" "Because they're the only people in boston" "Who hate you as much as I do." "No one likes to be unappreciated." "Exactly why I hate sidekicks." "Maybe my short-term memory is shorting out," "But didn't you want to be a superhero less than 24 hours ago?" "I did until you threw me aside like day-old chowder." "Ollie, I told you that this is a dangerous business" "And I didn't want you getting hurt." "Right, right, right," "I wasn't good enough," "But my cave, my tech," "My butler, and my city sure were." "Your being here is all because of me," "And you didn't even say thank you." "You're right." "You went to the mat for me," "But I got so caught up in that new-life smell" "That I didn't even stop to say thanks." "I'm sorry." "If we hit "quit game" right now" "And stop tearing up beantown," "I'm sure we can fix this." "Because, you know, you're right." "I don't really want to be bad." "I just want to, you know..." "Be you." "That's crazy." "This is all about you feeling unappreciated," "And here I totally thought" "You guys were looking to claim" "The $10 million reward j.J.J. Was offering to unmask me." "[together] $10 million!" "All we gotta do is unmask him?" "You didn't tell us that." "You don't get new york news up here?" "Oh, man, I love boston." "That's not what we agreed to." "I am your leader." "You will stand down." "No, you'll bow down!" "[screaming]" "Ollie!" "The spider hover board." "That's a mouthful." "Told you this gig was dangerous." "Thanks for the assist, chuck." "You saved my webs." "It would've been sooner had ollie not tied me up." "I trust the hover board reached you in time, sir." "Couldn't have been more perfect timing, chuck." "Take the rest of the day off." "I am so sorry." "I really messed things up." "I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand." "Do we have a plan b?" "Yes, I built shutoff switches into everyone's armor" "In case they got out of hand." "What is it, like a code word" "Or you press a button on your glove?" "I didn't want it to be that easy." "But in retrospect, easy would've been better." "Noted." "We'll deal." "Where are the off switches?" "[whispers]" "There is something not quite right with you, ollie." "Sweet, but not quite right." "Don't say that." "I can still make it right." "[ollie] steel spider, to me!" "What?" "Don't just stand there, webby," "Come kick some side with me," "But be careful." "Webby?" "Call me the steel spider." "Stand still, you geek!" "[steel spider] uh, spider-man." "Deactivating you is the pits." "[giggles]" "Do you know what we could do with 10 mil?" "Send everyone to boston funny-accent class?" "I got this one." "No, I can't move." "Traitor!" "Two down." "Good." "That means more green for the rocker." "It all comes down to this is our hero slides into home plate." "And the end." "I told you he was a sick puppy." "Nice work." "Next time" "Voice-activated shutoff." "Very seriously noted." "Yeah, and we talk about our feelings" "Instead of creating super villains when we're angry." "[groans] that, too." "[plymouth rock] is anyone else having problems in the moving department?" "[steel spider] so what happens now?" "Depends." "Either you sucker punch me, and this adventure runs long," "Or you learn to do the right thing" "Even when people don't always appreciate you." "And we call this the origin story of boston's first homegrown superhero." "Really?" "I thought I was too young." "[clears throat]" "You're about as old as I was when I started this gig." "And you handled yourself better than I did." "But boston loves you." "The grass may look greener in boston," "But it's still my crazy life." "Leaving new york" "Means I turn my back on my family, friends," "And a city that really needs me" "Even if they don't realize it." "[j." "Jonah jameson] I had no choice but to rescind my reward" "For spider-man's unmasking," "Which has absolutely nothing to do" "With any alleged ratings decline" "While spider-man was in boston." "Only new york can handle a menace like spider-man." "[chuckles] what a hero." "[cell phone rings]" "Aunt may, you home yet?" "Yeah, I just walked in." "I missed you terribly, peter, and to be honest," "Great aunt julia really got on my nerves." "Chinese for dinner?" "Anything but clam chowder." "I'll be home in a few." "But I missed you guys most of all." "Please tell me someone recorded him saying that." "Sure looked like you were having a party over there in boston." "You had us worried you weren't coming back." "As your leader," "It's important you know how much I appreciate every one of you." "Coulson needs to give you more homework." "Extra!" "Mayor of boston" "Proclaims steel spider the city's newest hero." "Awards key to the city." "Extra!" "Wicked awesome." "It's a boston thing." "So is this." "To me, my sidekicks!" "[together] sidekicks?"