""Major Boobage"" "Hmm-kay, kids, we have something very serious we need to discuss today, 'mkay." "It appears that some kids in school are getting high by choking themselves." "Some kids call it the choking game, 'mkay." "Bu-but, choking yourself is bad, 'mkay." "Don't do that, 'mkay." "You can get high from choking yourself?" "School children are often experimenting with dangerous ways to get high, 'mkay." "Like sniffing glue, guzzling cough medicine, huffing paint, 'mkay." "But they're all bad, 'mkay." "My cousins in Florida, said kids in their school get high over catpee." "Catpee?" "That's not true." "You can't get high over cat urine, can you?" "Well, it's not actually cat urine." "But male cats, when they're marking their territory, they spread a concentrated urine to fend off other male cats, and... that can get you really high, 'mkay." "Really, really high, 'mkay." "Probably, shou-shouldn't have told you that just now, 'mkay." "That was probably bad." "Allright, this should keep my cat in place while he spreads the urine." "Yes, poor Mr. Kitty, are you just so upset right now?" " You guys are wasting your time." " Yeah, it's not gonna work." "Okay, ready Kenny?" "Okay!" "All right, bring out..." "the other male cat!" " Do you feel anything?" " Well Kenny, are you buzzed?" "I see that you're enticed by my daughter's awesome rocking tits." "Yeah." "Then bathe with my daughter in the Fountain of Varnog." "Appease the gods by lathering her boobs with soapy suds." "Okay!" "Kenny, Kenny, wake up!" "Wake up, Kenny!" "You alright?" "Kenny!" "What's today?" "Dude, that cat urine really fucked you up." "You were seriously tripping balls." "Kenny, knock it off!" "What's wrong with you?" "Dude!" "Dude!" "Kenny, calm down!" "I was so close." "Her titties were so perfect." "What titties?" "Her titties." "One of the greatest most titties." "Kenny, all you did after the cat peed in your face was start running around in circles cheering." "Yeah, and then you ran through town screaming and started tearing off all your clothes." "I almost... touched them." "Dude, I don't think we should be messing around with that crap any more." "Next on Fox News." "It's the newest drug craze." "And it's killing your kids!" "Killing our kids?" "All over America, kids are getting high on cat urine." "Humping cat urine apparently causes a euphoric state." "And is also referred to as:" "Cheesing." "Why cheesing?" "Because it's "Fon to Due"." "This sixth-grade girl says she's been storting cat piss for several months." "I sometimes sneaked out during recess and I find me... get some cats, and we'd just cheese all day long." "Oh my God!" "Sheila!" "Come look at this!" "So how can you tell if your child is cheesing?" "One:" "Your child seems distant, preoccupied." "Two:" "Your child's face smells like cat urine." "Three:" "When you see tigers at the zoo, your child starts grinding his or her teeth." "You might also notice by certain phrases your child says to school friends." "Such as:" ""Hey, let's go cheese!"" "Or: "Do you feel like cheesing, guys?"" "Or: "Dude, I'm cheesing my F-ing brains out right now!"" "Kids are doing this?" "Kids do it because it's legal." "What can you do, before it's too late?" "We have to protect our children from this, Sheila." "Twenty percent of American students age six to twelve say they have tried cheesing at least once." "Kids also refer to it as 'the cheese game', or 'vitamine cheese', or 'Mary-Jane-piss-in-your-face fun time'" "Cheesing is spreading fast." "All right, we're all sufficiently scared, Gerald." "But what can we do?" "I have written up a bill, that would make having a cat illegal in the city of South Park" "Gerald's right." "We all have to face it." "Cats are deadly animals." "If you stick your nose up their crotch and snort their piss, they can kill you!" "With my super-lawyer powers, we can rid our town of cats." "So that our kids can never get high again!" "Let's hear it for Gerald!" "Hurray for Gerald!" "Noo-ooh." "Noo-oh." "Oh well, well." "Get over it, druggy." "Jeez." "Goodbye, Scrambles." "We'll miss you." "Got two here!" "Sorry, these are illegal." "Where are you going?" "Look, I told you, I had a cat." "But I had it put to sleep, 'cuz it pissed me off." "Ssshh." "Mr. Kitty, you'll have to live in the attic for now." "Here." "Write a diary." " Guys, have you seen Kenny?" " No, I think Kenny's out sick today." "Yeah, and he was out sick yesterday too." "Guys..." "I think Kenny isn't here because he's at home cheesing." "Whoa, come on." "Kenny knows how dangerous cheesing is." "Yeah, and where is he gonna find cats anyway?" "They've been outlawed." "Yeah, who has cats these days?" "Pot's illegal too." "But people still manage to find it." "Ever since that first time Kenny cheesed, he hasn't been the same." "You've all noticed the change in him." "I'll bet Kenny's home cheesing right now." " Kenny!" " Kenny, you home?" "Kenny!" "Oh boy, he's cheesed out of his mind!" " Kenny!" " Kenny!" "There you go." "Well, try some coffee, Ken." "Kenny, we need to have a serious talk." "No, we don't,guys." "Yes, we do." "We're your friends dude," "We're not gonna let you ruin your life." "I'm not ruining my life." "Will you guys just back the fuck off?" "Look at yourself!" "You've got to lay off the cheese!" "Yeah, that's it, little buddy." "Just let it out." "Kenny, I know we're supercool and everything." "But if we ever catch you cheesing again, we're gonna tell on you." "OK, OK." "I just want to sleep now." "Yea-ah, he needs some sleepie night-night, does he lil' buddie." "We gotta keep this away from him." "Mr. Kitty!" "Sssh!" "Damn it." "Sssh, Mr. Kitty, you have to be quiet." "Or else they're gonna find you." "What?" "The neigborcat." "He hasn't been caught yet." "No-no, Mr. Kitty." "I know you like Rufus but he has to fend for himself." "I can't hide any more cats, Mr. Kitty." "I'm in trouble enough as it is." "All right, all right, fine." "All right, come on, Rufus, quietly." "Oh Jesus." "No-no, I can't hide you all." "I'm sorry, you'll just have to find somewhere else to..." "Well." "I suppose I'll get in just as much trouble for four cats as for two." "Come on!" "Oh my God!" "Kyle!" "Kyle, can we talk to you for a minute, please?" "Yeah?" "Kyle, have you been getting high?" "No." "Then why did your mother find this, in your dresser drawer?" "All right, look." "That isn't mine." "I'm just holding it for a friend." "Don't lie to us, Kyle!" "How long have you been on the cheese?" "I'm not cheesing." "I've never cheesed once in my life!" "Get up to your room, right now, until your mother and I figure out how to deal with this." "Dad, would you just listen to me for a second?" " Now, Kyle!" " God!" "Gerald, what are we gonna do?" "Our son is a catpee addict." "First thing is we've gotta dispose of this." "What are you gonna do?" "I'd better just... take it down to the basement for now." "Make sure Kyle can't find it." "No." "No, what am I thinking." "I shouldn't do this." "I've been clean for ten years." "I haven't even been near a cat." "But then that report said our kids were doing it too and" "And I knew Kyle would have the same sickness as I used to have." "Now a cat is in our home." "And it's too tempting!" "I'll just do it one more time." "One last time." "Then I'll call the police, have them pick up the cat." "And then I'll never do it again." "After this one..." "last time." "I couldn't stay away, because your rocking tits." " Who is it?" " Please, open the door." "They say you're hiding cats." "Hiding cats?" "Well, that would be illegal." "You don't understand." "My little Nisja." "She has nowhere else to go." "Oh-oh, no-no, I cannot possibly take in another." "But they will find her." "I've already taking' in the Anderson's cats and the Walinski's." "There's simply nothing else I can..." "Then again, perhaps I could find space for this just one more." "You show such kindness in such darkest of times." "What the hell!" "Kenny, get out of here!" "Crap, Kenny!" "Bad kitties." "Dad, somebody's at the front door!" "Well, am I grounded, or not?" "Fine, I'll get it!" "Dude, we've got a big problem." "Cartman says Kenny's really messed up." "He's cheesing his fucking balls off, dude." "What?" "He apparently got to all the cats Cartman's been hiding in his attic." "What are you doing with cats in your attic, fatass?" "They're innocent victims in this, Kyle!" "They have to hide or they'll be put to death." "Something you just can't understand." "Come on, we've gotta find Kenny before he hurts himself." "I can't, my dad grounded me." "Wait a minute." "Where is my dad?" "Hey everybody!" "Good to see you again!" "Hold!" "You cannot yet caress my daughter's awesome boobage." "Ho-How come?" "There is..." "another suitor." "What?" "Get out of here, kid!" "Great." "Look what I'm getting." "You're too young for this stuff." "This must be decided at the Breastiary in Nippopolis." "Now fight for the Locknar trophy!" "Dad!" "Dad, what the hell are you doing?" "They've been going at it for a good thirty minutes." "She's mine, you little asshole!" "Gerald!" "The key proponent of the cat-ban has been charged with cheesing at a public park." "Gerald Broflovski is prepared to give a public statement." "I would like to address a personal matter." "I have let myself down." "And I would first like to apologize to my lovely wife." "Don't touch me." "And to the people of South Park." "I was wrong." "And I can't let cats take the fall any more." "It's our fault." "The people who use cats for their sweet urine." "We have to learn that cheesing just isn't worth it." "Sure you get to fight at the Breastiary." "And swim in the fountains of Varnog with the itty-titty fairies of Mammary Mountain." "What the hell is he talking about?" "I have no idea." "And then you fight the boob-goblin at the Gazonga's Cave." "And then the girl may thank you for it." "But she isn't real." "And you never really get a good look at her naked boobs anyway." "Problem is, the more you go into that world..." "The more you need to go." "Until you start blowing off all the real people who care about you." "Yeah, I guess so." "Cats aren't the problem." "We made cats illegal and then I cheesed for the first time in ten years." "And kids are always gonna find a new way to get high." "Like sniffing glue, or licking toads or fermenting feces, or huffing paint." " You can also look at" " Okay, that's probably good, Gerald." "The point is, I was wrong." "It's time to legalize cats!" "Yeah!" "Hurray for Gerald!" "Let's hear it for Gerald!" "Scrambles." "So good to have you back." "You ain't sore at us, are ya?" "I'm sure glad that's over with." "But you know, we've all learnt something, you guys." "We can never persecute living beings and force them into hiding." "It's wrong." "And you don't see any parallel between that and anything else in history?" "No." "I have no idea what you're talking about, Kyle." "You guys, check it out." "It's Kenny." "Isn't that great?" "He's just getting high on life." "Yeah." "He's getting really high on life." "Dude, he's getting super-wasted on life." "Kenny!" "What the hell kind of flowers are those?" "Kenny!" "Kenny!"