"I want to be a writer." "But no ordinary writer." "I want to be a writer... of books that leave a deep impression." "Otherwise, I'd be writing them for nothing." "They should cheer people up... and stop them from making war, or plotting crimes." "And if possible, sick people should be cured by them." "I'll take a pseudonym." "S W C H W R M." "Because nobody should know who I really am." "Except for my grandfather." "And... of course the Queen." "She knows everyone." "And she knows everything." "I want to be a writer of unusual adventures." "But I haven't come up with the first sentence yet." "That should be an extraordinary sentence." "A sentence which bowls people over." "A first sentence like that." "I do have a final sentence." "But I won't give it away, yet." "My Adventures by V. SWCHWRM" "My grandfather was old." " I think it's been long enough." " And didn't want to live anymore." "Don't you want to have one more adventure?" "Wouldn't you want to know how it goes with the world?" "Or with me!" "What I will become." "I just can't say it out loud, or it won't happen." "Only if you say it out loud it doesn't happen." "Maybe you should... whisper." "I want to be a writer." "But you can't tell anyone." "Promise?" "Grandpa, I've also got a name, an alias." "Swchrwrm." "V. Swchrwrm." "Swchrwrm." "Yes, of course." "Shall I tell you one more time about that boat?" "On that lake in Finland." " With grandma?" " Yes." "I already have a second sentence." "Which begins with:" "The world." "Because that's what my book is about:" "The world." "But after that?" "The world." "The world hisses" "The world kicks." "The world cracks." "The world hops." "The world rings." "Only A's Here!" "Swchrwrm?" "V. Swchrwrm?" "Do you know that I know everything?" "I just wanted to say, that you should never write about that." "You should never write about me." "Not a single word!" "You got it?" "As long as we understand each other." "Do you have a first sentence?" "The first sentence says it all." " A weasel is a?" " Mammal." " A whale is a...?" " Mammal." " A hippopotamus is a...?" " Mammal." "Yes?" " A tiger is a...?" " Mammal." " A polar bear is a...?" " Mammal." "An A. You all have an A." " Yeah." " Yeah!" "This is 4th grade." "And this is the new teacher of the 6th grade." " Hello." " Hello." "One day the teacher began to doubt everything." "That's all." "A camel uh..." " Is uh..." " Mammal." "Yes." "Normally it is." "But what is normal?" "War is normal." "There is very often war in the world." "And what is most often, is the most normal." "War isn't normal at all." "One day I got a letter." "It was signed by the Queen." "I read." ""Congratulations." "You are the lucky winner among 16 million losers."" ""V. Swchrwrm won the third prize."" ""On 7 April, at 11:31am and 21 seconds, you are almighty for 1 second."" "On 6 April, at half past six in the evening, I thought of something." "On 7 April, I went to the sea." "I sat down in a pit." "50, 51" "At 11:30 I began to climb." "55, 56" "My heart was pounding." ""Hush," I said, "keep climbing."" ""In a bit I'll have the last word, for one second."" "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1" "NO MORE WAR!" "But what if I had called out a little too early?" "Then my almighty words would have been "more war"." "If a gun had been born, I knew who had this on his conscience." "But I couldn't help it, because I was no longer omnipotent." "Two, three..." "I'm not ordinary at all." "I'll be a doctor when I grow up." " Unfortunately I can't say." " Can't say what?" " What I want to be later." " And why not?" "If I say it, it won't happen." "Madeleine, you coming to eat?" "But it will make me very famous." "The world." "The world walks, the world turns, the world runs." "The world blows, the world wanders..." " How was school?" " Good." " And grandpa?" " Good." "The world runs, the world cycles...." "The world blows, the world hisses...." "The world creaks, the world blows...." "The world must do something!" "Let go!" "I always have to do everything on my own here." "The Queen only had one thing to do." "Be happy." "The happiest person in the whole country." "That's why she is queen." "And I had to look after her." "No, no, no!" "Isn't this the dirtbag who refused a medal last year?" "Yes." "Never heard of credibility." "This is totally unrealistic." "Come on Swchrwrm." "A first sentence, how hard can it be!" "One day I lost my father and my mother." "Hello?" "Is this the window for lost people?" "Found people you mean." "We don't deal with lost people." "I lost my parents." "Suddenly they were gone." " Since when?" " Since yesterday." "While doing shopping." " Maybe an honest person found them." " Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..." "This is what has been found." "What happens to them if they're not picked up?" "We keep them for a week and then we dispose of them." "Otherwise they spoil." " You may take a few." " No, I prefer mine." " Just give me your name." " Swchrwrm." "V. Swchrwrm." "Are you sure you had them with you?" "And where have you been with them?" "What does your father look like?" " No." " What does your mother wear?" " Maybe they just fell behind somewhere?" "I've looked everywhere." "In the laundry basket, under the sink, in the kitchen cupboard, between the sofa cushions." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..." " What happened?" " His parents." "You have a place for the night?" "Is this your grandson, V. Scc..." " What is your name?" " V. Swchrwrm." "Your grandson lost his pa..." " There you are!" " Where have you been?" "We've been looking everywhere for you." "He has been found." "They have been found." " Thanks for the effort." " Thanks for the effort." "Every adventure brings danger." "Whether fictional adventures or real ones." "Grandpa?" "I MUST have a first sentence." "It was a beautiful day for the table of 8." "4 x 8 = 32, 5 x 8 = 40 6 x 8 = 48, 7 x 8 = 56" "8 x 8 = 64?" "The 8 is a marvel of symmetry." "That's why the table of 8 is such a beautiful table." "Maybe we'd better do geography." "Yes?" "The world jumps." "Probably." "I'll become something which cheers people up." "Which makes them stop waging war." "Which makes sick people get well." "Only doctors heal sick people." "They make the pain go away." " You just don't know." " What?" " What you want to be." " But I do." " You don't." " I certainly do." " No." " Yes." "One day I went to the sea." "The beach was empty." "I heard a buzzing, which grew louder." "Something approached in the sky." "It was a person." "With a propeller on their back, I thought." "Suddenly the buzzing stopped." "Someone shouted." "Help!" "Help!" "I jumped into the sea." "I swam as hard as I could to the drowning person." "Then I saw who it was." "It was the Queen." "Madeleine, come in for supper." "She wore a blue bathing suit." "And a blue cap with golden diamonds." "She flew without a propeller!" "Sign:" "Doctor Detter Makes You Better" " How was it at Grandpa's?" " Fine." " And at school?" " Nice." " In biology we are studying mammals." " Oh!" "Mammals." "And for arithmetic we're doing the table of 8." "8?" "The table of 8?" " Really?" " Really?" "Swchrwrm?" "I have to tell you something important." "I can no longer be your queen." "You have violated my trust and you know very well how." "But can't I write that it was about someone else?" "Blue bathing suit, blue cap, diamonds." "Who flies without a propeller except me?" "Well, okay?" "You can still make good." "But then you have to fulfill three major assignments." "Then first someone should get me out of this heap of sand." "The first task is to come up with something against dying." "That's something I really hate." "All those citizens who are just sneaking away." "But... that's impossible." "Well all right." "Than something else." "You have to stand on your hands for five minutes." " Right now?" "And secondly, see to it that there's never another war." "That's a piece of cake." "I've already seen to it." "Well, I'm glad, because war is horrible." "And thirdly, I want you to write something that makes me cry." "Nothing credible is written nowadays." "Until then, you're still a compatriot of mine, but no subject." "Did you know that it isn't entirely certain that 8 x 8, is 64?" " No, but then what is it?" " Probably 64." " Actually nothing is quite certain." " Yes, I knew that." "Maybe I should fall in love as well." "Then the words will come naturally." "Swchrwrm, your hair looks great, your beautiful white teeth." "Swchrwrm, I like you." "One day I decided to fall in love." "You want to date me?" "Benelux." "Border triangle." "(The place where Holland, Belgium and Germany meet)" "Yes?" "Come in." "Maybe an A." " How much is 8 x 8?" " 8 x 8 might be 64." "Did you teach them this?" " If it isn't certain that 8 x 8 is 64, then what is certain?" "I really have no idea." " This doesn't bring us any further." " No, probably not." "The answer is no." "Can't you just pretend!" "Because I am by no means to be sneezed at." "You could easily be sneezed at." "If there were a thousand boys to be in love with, you wouldn't be one of them." "THAT is to sneeze at." "No, this is not really the right time." " No." " Grandpa!" "Grandpa!" " I'd lost you." " I lost me, too." "For the time being I refrain from falling in love." "If you fall in love with just the right girl, she'll also fall in love with you." "But a girl sometimes takes a long time before she gets it." "Yeah, I know." "It takes exactly 1,000 other guys." " Contestants in the sack race, are you ready?" "Yes!" "I'm counting down!" "A 3, a 2, 1...." "Ho..." "And... has become the lucky one?" "Yes, lane 3." " My thoughts fly in all directions." "You have to catch them at exactly the right moment." "The sunset over that lake." "On that boat, did I tell you?" "1, 2, 3... 14 15, 27, 29, 1000... 2,000,022, 2,000,023, 2,000,024..." "My father won a camel." "Ho." "I won a camel." "But how do you get on a camel?" "Ho ho, ho!" "So, hop." "Ho!" " He could use it to go to work." " You can use it to go to work." "I will surely be noticed." "Noticed?" "What kind of word is that?" "Noticed, notice, noticed...." "If only he doesn't get seasick." "Countrymen." "Minus one." "Now we are all (minus one) together to celebrate my birthday, this is the time to thank me very, very, very, very much." "Sometimes I wish I was invisible." "One day I was invisible." "The capital of France is maybe Paris." "The capital of Russia is maybe Moscow." "The capital of Germany is maybe Berlin." "The capital of Bulgaria is maybe Sofia." "The capital of Romania is maybe Bucharest." " The capital of Greece is...." " Mister Inspector." "Please do arithmetic." "The table of 8." "I totally disagree." "This... is the table of 8." "You can take it from me." "And you, too." " I know enough." " Yes, probably you do." "Why?" "You were getting all straight A's!" "She flies without a propeller." " With." " Without." "Actually, I just need a girl who... occasionally whispers a sentence in my ear." " What kind of sentence?" " You're really nice and not stupid." "Only when it is really necessary." " How does the girl know it is necessary?" "For that she has a sixth, a seventh, no, an eighth sense." "There are only five senses." "Any doctor can tell you that." "You ARE stupid." "A teacher who doubts everything." "A boy who lost his parents." "A girl with an 8th sense." "A doctor who cures all the sick." "No queen will cry over that." "Do you know who's the biggest boy in the whole world?" "I wouldn't know." "Very ordinary people experience..." "VERY unusual adventures." "But... this is known only..." "Help!" "Help, help!" " Queen, Queen!" " Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" " The Queen." " Now this is the Queen?" " Help!" "Where were you?" " Where were you, where were you!" " I'd better ask you!" "Where were you?" " Do you really know all your subjects?" "Say young man, you can't just ask questions of the Queen." "Swchrwrm or V. Swchrwrm." "What do you want?" "Certainly a knighthood?" "Well, I have a book with medals." "I'll send it to you so you can choose one." "I don't want a medal." "What are you saying?" "You don't want a medal?" "What do you want?" "I want to be as happy as you are." "There is perhaps one thing that is missing from my... happiness, and you know very well what that is." " A book which makes you cry." " Precisely!" "But something realistic, otherwise it isn't credible." "So, until then I can only make you happy temporarily, and remember?" "You talk to nobody about this." "Not a word!" "Damn." "When you're first in love and you don't know... whether the other person is in love with you, you'll start to doubt everything." "With grandma it was the same." "Even before I had asked anything she said:" ""And the answer is yes."" "Yes." "8 x 8 IS 64." "A writer visited the school." "He was a very famous writer." "Wandering." "However we wander." "Along iron streets and copper avenues." "Along porcelain roads and wild cotton seas." "Along: and so on." "And so forth." "And high over:" "I don't know anymore." "And right through:" "I wish I knew." "And just missing: what do I do now." "Until: help, help me." "If I don't write..." "I don't live." "So I am temporarily dead." "And you may now touch the writer." "I want to be one, too." "A Writer." "You can really say it out loud to me." "But I don't have a first sentence yet." "And that one says it all." "Fill in this form." " Swchrwrm?" " Swchrwrm." "V. Swchrwrm." "V. Schrwom." " Am I one, now?" "For now." "This is a list of provisional writers." "Did you touch me, yet?" "I MUST have a first sentence." "I do have a final sentence." "And then it started to snow." "Grandpa?" "What's a provisional writer do, exactly?" "And how does a provisional writer become a real writer?" "And from a real one into a very unusual one?" "And from a very unusual one into a famous one?" "Everything I'll write is still in my head." "So that must be a provisionally writer!" "Where did you come from?" "I was summoned by... the Queen." "There." " V. Swchrwrm." " Yes, Queen?" "Skip the flattery, that's why I have my lackeys." "I have a ball..." "Well, you get the idea, go ahead." "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13..." "Don't bother." "You know what I mean, provisional little writer." "How do you know..." "Well, what about it?" "Start with the title." "And then it started to snow." "Yes, it just could be." "And then?" "The rest I haven't written, yet." "Then make up the rest of it." " Here?" "Just like that?" " Yeah, sure!" "One day... a countrym... uh, citizen, stood still in the middle of the street." ""How strange," he said, "I don't remember who I am."" ""Neither do I," said another citizen who was cutting meat." " Neither do I." " I don't either." " Yeah, neither do we." "From a speaker came: "V. Swchrwrm please report."" " But I didn't report." " V. Swchrwrm." "Because I didn't remember I was V. Swchrwrm." "It was not long before every citizen exclaimed: "How do I know who I am?"" "Who am I?" "I want to know who I am." "I want to know who I am." "Finally, they gathered in front of the palace of the queen." "We want to know who we are!" "We want to know who we are!" "Queen." "Queen!" "Queen!" "We want to know who we are." "But the woman told them to be silent." "Queen!" "Queen!" "You can say that." "But who says I am the Queen?" "Then the subjects burst into tears." " If even you don't know who you are..." " Do you even exist?" " Do you actually, really exist?" "Yes, just stop, Swchrwrm, this is totally unrealistic." " I can also make a play out of it," " You'd best not." "Provisional little writer." "You may go, V. This is a royal decree." "Bye." "On a boat a girl stood at the railing." "She... whispered she had an important announcement." "That's ridiculous." "A girl wouldn't say that." "I became famous." "The people shouted: "Your... head is too common for being famous."" "They're right." "Someone rang at the door." " V. Swchrwrm." " Yes." "We declare that henceforth V. Swchrwrm isn't allowed to write anymore." "He doesn't know how." "Regrettably, the Government." "Government." "That won't make a queen cry." "There is one thing I'd really like to know." "What will happen with me?" "So do I." "I'll be... a writer." "A very unusual one." "That is precisely my last wish." "Shall I one more time..." " It was summer." " Yes." "I sailed on a boat." "A lake in Finland." "The engine was off." "Slowly the sun... shone through the birch trees on the shore." "And next to me was a woman." "You both looked at the sun." "And then at each other." "That was Grandma." "Yes." "First of all:" "You should never talk about the fair." "Promise?" "Yes, I promise." "Secondly:" "We're not going to cry." "No." "And thirdly, you'll always remember me." "Hush." "I know that." "You do that often, fly without a propeller?" "Then I can think clearly." "I'm working on a speech, but um..." "It's not going well." "What's the speech about?" "Maybe I can help?" "About courage." "I want to give my fellow citizens courage." "They don't have any?" "Not enough." "Why then do they need courage?" "Courage is needed for everything." "I saved the world." "I fell in love." "I met the Queen." "Me!" "But "I" could not write about it." "Until one day..." "I appeared," "The first word was:" "I." "Then I wrote my first sentence." "I want to be a writer." "I kept writing." "The world between my fingers." "When you die, only one moment of your life is left." "The happiest moment." "That's what you lived for." "Happy moments can happen just like that." "For example, on a boat, on a lake at dawn." "The saddest moment of my life has already passed." "I know that for sure." "But the happiest moment is yet to come." "What is your real name?" ""Dear Swchrwrm, thank you."" ""Although not realistic, I found it very believable."" ""You are now my subject again."" ""This is my decision, the Queen."" "These adventures were written by me." "Swchrwrm." "V. Swchrwrm." "Some adventures I experienced myself." "And others I made up." "Made up adventures are just as good as really experienced ones." "I hope they leave a deep impression." "Otherwise it has been for nothing." "The End" "I just haven't told you what made the Queen cry." "And what my grandfather whispered in my ear." "That is nobody's business." "English Subtitle Translation by..." "Subransu  Zaphod"