"Hey..." "Kim." "Where are you looking?" "Inwards..." "And what do you see?" "Darkness." "Kim, do you feel the light?" "Look at the day only once... for me." "Okay?" "I can't." "To look inwards is okay..." "Kim." "But sometimes... you have to look at the world outside." "Do you know what's there... outside?" "Life." "Only through her union with Shakti, does Shiva generate the power to create the world." "Shakti is energy." "People appear in her." "Mother of darkness." "Mother of light." "There are no humans... there is only her." "THE PYSCHOLOGICAL PATH TOWARDS DEATH" "She called herself "Shakti" when she arrived." "Now she calls herself Elizabeth Steinberg again." "I will make my evaluation next month." "I don't think there'll be any objections to her release." "Does she still get visits from journalists?" "That's yesterday's news now." "I'm surprised people are still interested in that story." "If she hadn't incriminated herself... we never would have met." " Shit!" " The police have only recently released it." "This was a human being once." "Levin Sandal." "They called him Samarfan." "Elizabeth Steinberg's guru... and her lover." "This photo was taken on the evening of January 14th, 1988." "That isn't his..." "Oh, my God." "Dr. Fischer believes that Liza will be out by summer." "I've known her for more than a year now." "She's a good storyteller, you'll see." "It's exiting to listen to her." "This is where the self-help groups take place, and the painting therapy." "Elizabeth likes painting." "She runs her own groups now." "We'll all miss her when she goes." "Okay, please go in." "Hi Liza." "Hi." "There's no blue there." "Good morning, Mrs. Steinberg." " I am Tansu Yilmaz." " Nice to meet." " I've read your papers." "I enjoyed them." " There is never... any... blue!" "There's never any blue!" " Excuse me for a moment." " Why is there never any blue?" "There's never any blue!" "Why is there never any blue?" "Anna, we have to go now..." "You go ahead." " Okay?" " Thank you." "I've read this and signed it." "Excellent." "You'll show me the manuscript before you publish it." "That's what our contract says." "I want you to promise." "I promise." "I'm really pleased you agreed to do this." "I thought you had a nice voice." "Thanks." "I hope I won't disappoint you." "It's all been written before in various reports." "I don't write reports, I write stories." "Crime stories?" "Well, what kind of story do you think this is?" "On January 14th, a young woman who calls herself Shakti enters a police station in Zehlendorf, Berlin." "She claims to have killed her lover." "The 40-year-old Levin Sandal, also known as Sarmafan, is found dead in the so called Golden Dawn center." "There is indisputable evidence proving that Shakti wasn't in the building when Sarmafan died." "Despite this, Elizabeth Steinberg, also known as Shakti... and the records become confusing here is accused of incitement to murder and found guilty." "She is certified as suffering from personality disintegration and acute psychotic agitation." "She spends the following years on a closed mental ward." "Sarmafan's real killer was never caught." "Sounds like a crime story, doesn't it?" "Who was Sarmafan?" "Sarmafan was an... incredible person." " He returned from Poona to Hamburg." " At end of the 80s." "He left the Rajneesh commune and joined a very extreme group." " The Taylor Eriksson group?" " Yes." "He was always looking for ways to go beyond his limits." "There are many rumors about this group." "But no reliable information." "Because they had to take a vow of silence." "He didn't even tell me exactly what happened there." "All I know is that not all participants survived the therapy..." "It must have changed him." "He was unbelievably... aware somehow." "Clear-sighted." "He looked at me and looked directly into my soul..." "He said it could be learnt, this gentleness this peace and I was willing learn." "We went to Berlin at about the time the squatter's movement was disintegrating." "He founded the Golden Dawn center." "We had three fixed sessions a week." "He did Satsang he experimented, and he healed people..." "I was very happy." "But the story took a turn." "It was a long time ago." "More and more now, I only remember the nice things." " Did you talk to the Marishani people?" " What happened?" "One of my friends was with the Marishanis..." "Did he look into the souls of other women, too?" "You wouldn't understand." "When you do that kind of work, limitations start to disappear..." "A closeness develops." "Sarmafan's gift was to be able to give love to anybody who needed it." "It was a different time, a different world back then." "I need a twist." "Mrs. Steinberg!" "Keoma." "He joined our group very late." "From Italy, I think." "I don't know much about his background even now." "I don't even know his real name." "He was a stubborn young man." "He rebelled against Sarmafan's ideas, contradicted him in front of the group." "I fell for his charm." "It ended in disaster." "On the evening of January 14th Keoma went looking for Sarmafan." "At this time, you were in a teashop." "Witnesses have testified to this." "There was a fight between the two men." "Later you confessed to having influenced Keoma." "I didn't know he would lose it like that." "The spell that had bound me to him dissolved." "I realized what an awful crime we had committed." "If it isn't already, this is where our story becomes just another cheap novel." "Sorry?" "When they found Sarmafan he was a human puzzle." "This doesn't look like an argument gone wrong." " It looks like a wild beast has torn him to..." " Stop it!" "I already told you I couldn't tell you anything new." "You don't want to listen to what I have to tell you, anyway!" "Mrs. Steinberg..." "I've only just realized how deeply this still affects me." "It does me no good to dig up the past." "I know you have put a lot of effort into your research, but I can't go on." "I'm sorry." "Please, just one last question..." "Shakti!" "What does "Tulpa" mean?" "Sarmafan had learnt some techniques from the Taylor Ericsson group that enabled him to reach the deepest level of the human soul." "Breathing techniques taken from ancient Tibetan meditation rituals." "We spent weeks and weeks on an inner journey that led us deeper and deeper into the dark rooms of our soul." "And we saw ourselves in a way we never wanted to see ourselves." "You were looking for something Carl Gustav Jung called the shadow." "I have to admit you have done your homework." "What happened after the participants had seen their dark side?" "There was a ritual." "A group ritual." "After that, the shadow was banished from our soul." "The dark was gone." "The world was suddenly light and peaceful." "And everyone was so gentle." "Did Keoma take part in the ritual?" "Some people can't bear to see their dark side." "He fought against it." "That's why it didn't work with him." "He saw the others succeed and could not admit his own failure." "And blamed Sarmafan." "He hated him, because he was the only one in the group who wasn't healed." "He killed the god who failed to help him." "Yes." "They never caught him." "Anna." "The red girl..." "The red girl!" "The red girl!" "Do you recognize this?" "The changing room at the Golden Dawn." "Do you like Westerns?" "There are a couple of posters there." "Do you see?" "Italo-Westerns." "Sarmafan loved them." "He said they were structured like the story of Jesus's suffering." "This poster shows Franco Nero in an Italo-Western in '89." "Do you remember this movie?" "I don't know..." "No." "Are you sure?" "The movie was called..." "Keoma" "You invented him to protect yourself." "The judge believed everything you said, because none of the evidence made any sense." "Nothing made any sense." "There was someone else in the group..." "A woman." "Which woman, Shakti?" "There were 20 women in the group." "How many women did Sarmafan make love to while you watched?" "Shut up!" "I don't want to listen to you any more." "You don't have any right to talk about him like that!" "What will happen to your release date if they find out that Keoma was a lie?" "The mentally deranged often talk nonsense." "What do you want?" "You scribbled away at your documents like a novice." "You're not even interested in what I'm telling you!" "You know things nobody should know." " That's part of my job." " You're not being honest." "As honest as you are." "Stop it." "That's dangerous." "What's dangerous?" "What's dangerous?" "You, Shakti?" "Are you dangerous?" "No." "Are you dangerous?" "Shakti?" " What is dangerous?" " You don't understand." "Maybe I'm the first person ready to understand your story." " No!" " A Tulpa..." "A Tulpa is some kind of a phantom, isn't it?" "Tell me!" "Tibetan monks can create creatures through meditation..." " Creatures?" " Yes." "Suddenly they were there... these creatures..." "These dark, evil creatures." "What were they?" "Physical manifestations of evil thoughts." "Of envy, hatred, anger." "We expelled them using rituals." "We thought they'd gone." "They returned." "I didn't want it to happen!" "It was your phantom..." "your phantom that tore him to pieces!" "Your anger!" "Your jealousy!" "I can't control it!" "Stop crying!" "Show me!" "Show me how it works!" "What?" "Who are you?" "Look into my eyes." "Look at them." "Do you not notice anything, Shakti?" "Are these not his eyes?" "I am his sister." "His little sister." "No!" "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "Get your hands off her!" "Elizabeth." "Elizabeth." "Shit." "Dr. Fischer, could you come down?" "It's happened again." "It happened again." "Don't worry, Liza." "It will never stop!" "It will never stop!" "Liza." "Liza?" "Elizabeth." "Open the door, please." "Don't worry." "Nobody will believe her." "She can't prove it." "Bingo!" "Mrs. Yilmaz?" "Just one moment, please." "No!" "No... please... no." "Elizabeth!" "Shit." "Shit, what have you done?" "Emergency team to washroom three." "Now!" "Don't give up, Elizabeth." "Shit!" "Help!" "Elizabeth..." "The red girl." "The red girl." "The red girl." "...anyway, have fun." "Bye." "Mr. Borg." "Please come in." " Steiner." " Robin Borg." "After you." "Take a seat, please." "Thank you." "Did you find your way okay?" "You are Robin Borg." " Dr. Fischer sent you to me." " Right." "You have to fulfill a judicial order." ""The convict is given the opportunity to take part in rehabilitation measures." ""We recommend15 hours of social therapeutic..."" "Doctor!" "I want to get out of my skin." "I can't stand it." "I can't go on like this." "You were convicted of grievous bodily harm with lasting consequences..." "It's the drugs." "Okay." "Damned speed." "Makes me furious." "I don't see what's happening..." "You beat people up, like this Polish tourist who's still lying in a coma." "It was a mistake." "I'm sorry." "What do I have to do?" " You have been given 15 hours of therapy..." " Yes." "And in this way you manage to avoid a much harder punishment." "That's not the point." "I've wanted to stop for ages." "I want to do something about it." "I'm serious." "Mr. Borg." "My work requires a certain amount of openness..." "I haven't take any shit since it happened." "Really?" "You can't image how hard it is for me to stop." "Since this... incident..." "you haven't take anything?" "I've told you, I haven't touched the stuff since then." "I had to prove to myself that I was serious about this." "Nothing?" "I swear." "Dr. Fischer, please." "Rainer, it's me." "Yeah, I'm fine, and you?" "I have a young man here, a Robin Borg." "That's right." "I won't treat him." "No." "Absolutely not." "He's not showing any signs that he'll cooperate." "I'll send him away." "Sorry." "I'll give you another ring, tomorrow." "Say hello to Britt." "There was just a bit left over." "I keep fucking up." "I feel so ashamed." "Mr. Borg..." "I can't feel you." "What?" "Doctor, I don't want this any more." "I want you to help me." " Who else is going to help me?" " I can't feel you." "I know I'm a arsehole, but I swear to you, there's another Robin in me," " who just wants some peace." " I can't feel you." "I don't want this any more." " Mr. Borg." " I'm telling the truth." " I'll prove it to you." " I can't feel you." "Perhaps you'll feel my fist!" "Sorry to have wasted your time, Doctor." "Shouldn't we start working?" "There, yes?" "If you like..." "I didn't mean it..." "I didn't want to beat you up." "I was just threatening it." "Really?" "Where I come from you have to threaten people if you want to survive." "I come from a really bad neighborhood." "As soon as you're old enough to be beaten up, you're beaten up!" "There's no one there to help." "Not even my father." "Sometimes I really long for a girl... who'll just take me in her arms and show me some warmth." "But I've only got my mates, drinking and drugs." "My father was the worst." "He'd drink himself stupid and then he'd beat me up." "I learned everything from him, fighting... drinking..." "That's the way it goes." "The father boozes and the son is on speed..." "The only one who stood by me was my mate." "He was a Pole, but he was okay." "I've done a few burglaries with him." "He was called Blaczko." "What a name." "I'll spell it for you." "No need." "What are you writing, then?" "A recipe." "I had to note it done before I forget it." "What do you reckon?" "Would it work to have mint instead of basil in a minestrone?" " What?" " Mint." "Tell me." "Aren't you at all interested in what I'm saying?" " Does this hurt?" " Not really." "And here?" "Hey, watch it." "Shit, are you crazy?" "Relax." "Stay calm." "You want to leave so soon?" "I..." "I will have to have another think about it." "Maybe I'll come back another day." "We've only just started working together, Mr. Borg." "I've changed my mind." " Really?" " I don't really trust you after all..." "You don't trust me?" "Well, I do, but I lied to you and that can't be good for this type of a therapy." "Certain forms of resistance to this treatment are inevitable." "That's a part of it." "I agree with that, but..." "You see?" "Please, take your seat again..." "Hey, that was a new shirt." "What the fuck are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "Ever heard of the Taylor Eriksson group?" "Relax." "They called this technique bio-sensitive programming." "Raise your right arm." "Very well done." "Now the left arm." "Raise your left arm." "Excellent." "You are very gifted." "You know, it's the same as with hypnosis." "Some people are markedly better mediums than others." "What the fuck are you doing now?" " Robin... you haven't only got one life." " What?" "In this life, you have collected a lot of negative karma." " Fuck you!" " In your next life, you'll pay dearly for that." "You're crazy!" "It won't help you at all, if I only deal with the superficial problems." "My methods will free you from your karma in this life." "What are going to do?" "Doctor?" "What are you doing?" "Pick up the knife with your left hand." "Shit." "There are always problems with the fine tuning at first." " Is it bad?" " Doctor... please!" "Move the knife further back." "Support yourself with your left hand." "Now put the knife to your right forearm." "Doctor, whatever you have in mind, please don't do it." "The Taylor Eriksson group." "They had quite an unorthodox view of the essence of therapy." "This can't be all my fault." "I didn't choose my parents." "My father and mother were never there for me." "I mean, I somehow have to..." "There must be some sort of justice somewhere." "I don't want to be a victim all my life." "The more you say the deeper your silence becomes." "It's all just chit-chat." "You don't want to tell the truth." "That's not true!" "The first thing you told me the first sentence... was relevant." "Keep this in mind." "The first sentence spoken out during therapy is the essence of the therapy." "Only the first sentence." "What do you want from me?" "More important is what you want." "Can you remember your first sentence?" "Is this a fucking quiz show, or what?" "Your first sentence." "Doctor!" "I want to get out of my skin." "Doctor!" "I want to get out of my skin." "Doctor, please." "For heaven's sake!" "I understand now what I have done wrong." " I won't beat up people anymore." " Mr. Borg..." " I can see my whole life clearly now." " Mr. Borg." "The therapy must be working already." "Get out of your skin." "Please stop it!" "Please." "Shit." "Start with your left forearm." "Peel off your skin." "You have to believe me." "It's always hard to watch this." "But it will save you from so much in your next life." "Inhale through your nose." "Exhale through your nose." "Do not use your chest to breath." "Use your abdomen." "In my hand..." "Relax." "Close your eyes." "I can see something." "In your right lung." "I can see it." "Give it to me." "It..." "It..." "It is..." "My pain..." "Breathing." "The pain is gone." "My pain is gone." " It..." "...has been eased." "Sit down." "Disease is like an animal." "Like an animal that is hiding in us." "But if you can see it then sometimes this is almost like being healed." "HEALING WITHOUT PATHOS" "HEALER HELPS CHRONICALLY ILL PATIENT" "Can't you wait until after the session?" "Thanks for the tip, Mommy." "Pull yourself together." "This time there are even less than last time." "It's a miracle that anyone shows up at all." "In your own way, you are helping them." "Many feel better." "And that is why I drink... in my own way." "Forgive me." "Forgive me, please." "They want to believe in you." "That's what it's all about." "Yes." "Tell me something about yourself, Mira." "I studied psychology in Heidelberg had various jobs..." "I've traveled around a lot..." "Sri Lanka, then Poona..." "Were you a member of the Osho community?" "No, no, it was a smaller group." "I suffered a lot and since then it is there." "What is there?" "It's a feeling like..." "Please stand up." "You had a feeling like..." "Like something is clinging on to me." "Have you ever practiced Rolfing, Alexander, yoga?" "Any kind of physical therapy?" "Yes, and a lot more besides." "My God, what a burden you're carrying on your shoulders!" "Can you feel that?" "And that?" "Daddy." "It's gone." "It's really gone!" "It's really gone!" "Hey." " Well, witching hour's finally over, is it?" " We just have to clear up." " Don't forget to lock up the back entrance." " Yes, sir!" "I..." "Thank you." "We are driving to Zehlendorf any minute now." "We could drop you off at the station." "That's okay." "Thank you." "My pleasure." "I meant thanks for everything." "You really are blessed." "Mira." "What was the name of that group you joined in India?" "Taylor Eriksson Group." "That rings a bell." "Their origin is in primal scream therapy." "Lars Eriksson came up with the whole idea." "He experimented." "You can't imagine what we went through." "The same year that I left the group he began the process." "What process?" "Taylor had some doubts, but as usual Lars prevailed." "He called it the "Kali process"." "Like the goddess." "The goddess of darkness." "These techniques dug deeper then anything else before." "You know, there are cellars in our soul where our memories are stored." "Our fears..." "But we were going even deeper by meditation and reached areas, where..." "Where?" "Where everything dissolves." "What do you mean by that?" "Where your own personality becomes irrelevant." "Where the dead roam among the living." "And more..." "Secrets?" "Tell me..." "During the session..." "What happened?" "I honestly don't know." "When I looked at her" "I touched something..." "something that was stronger than me." "What do you mean?" "I'm tired." "You'll have to drive." "Yes, master." "Edgar?" " Edgar?" " Yes?" "Nothing, nothing." "Hello." "Hello." "Tilde." "Edgar!" " What was that?" " Tilde!" "Tilde..." "Go upstairs." "Get help!" "Quickly!" "It wants me back." "It doesn't want to let me go." "No." "It wants me back." " It doesn't want me to leave." " Calm down..." "I'll take care of you." "What is that, out there?" "I don't know..." "Mira." "To be able to help us, I have to know everything." "What's out there?" "The Kali process..." "When we returned I was not the only one who sensed... that we'd brought something with us." "What was it?" "Something... that wants to stay down there." "I broke off the process and left the group." "What about the others?" "There were rumors about a police raid, about corpses being found." "The security guard must be somewhere outside." "Hello!" "Help!" "Help!" "Hello." "Is anybody there?" "Hello!" "Help!" "Help!" "I think I heard something." "It will be back." "I'll go outside and distract it." "I don't understand..." "It can't attack both of us at the same time." "It will follow me, and then you can try to leave the house." "What are you talking about?" "I haven't cured anyone for a long time." "But I'm going to make sure you get out of here." "You talked about other levels." "How did you put it?" "Where the dead roam among the living." "What's it like there?" "Quiet and damp." "Ready?" "What?" "There's something there." "What?" "What are you waiting for?" "Mira..." "You are sick." "No..." "You cured me." "You're terminally ill, Mira." "Open that door." "Something is not right." "Open that door now." "No." "You are going to open that door now!" "What does that mean?" "It means that that thing out there does not want to stay inside you any longer because you are too sick." "I'm not important." "It needs a new host." "It is of an unbelievable age, older than anything else." "It has to live." "You will understand this, when it is inside you." "What did you do to Tilde?" "It fed on her, nothing more." "To live it must eat." "It feeds off dreams." "You brought this monster into our group." "You freed it to feed it?" "It feels good to be its bearer." "And now you will bear it." "Edgar!" "Daddy." "What the hell are you doing here?" "What kind of bullshit is going on down there?" " I knew it..." " Don't touch the door..." "Leave it closed." "Get help... now!" "You are not getting away that easily." "I want an explanation." "What?" "It's not cancer." "Mother?" "!" "Do you know what's there... outside?" "Life." "Life." "Have you ever looked deep into your soul?"