"Nailed it!" "So long, girl next door." "Hope they find my body before the smell becomes a problem for you." "Shit bulls!" "That's loud!" "It's the middle of the bloody night!" "Wilfred, that's enough!" "You're lucky I'm indoors, you prick!" " Stop it!" " Boyfriend, figures." "Christ!" "You know that long it took me to get comfortable?" "What?" "Hey..." " How you doing?" " I live next door." " We've waved..." " Course." " Ryan." " I'm Jenna." "Can I get you something?" "Orange juices..." "Medical attention?" "I'm okay." "It's a lack of sleep." "Oh God, I know!" "It's that stupid jerk with his motorcycle." "He drives Wilfred nuts!" "Sorry about all the noise that he made, by the way." "He just said what we were all thinking, right?" "I guess." "Look, I know we've just met and this is a huge imposition, but I'm totally desperate." "The exterminator is on his way and I completely forgot to make arrangements for my dog." "They say that if he lives in the house it's just gonna to kill him." "And so I was wondering if you okay if he stays in your yard until I return from work." "Huh?" "You're right." "That's too much to ask!" "I'm sorry." " No!" "It's all right..." " Oh great!" "Wilfred." "Come here, boy." "He's really sweet." "There is my little man!" " You like dogs?" " Yeah." "Oh great." "Well, um..." "here is few of his toys and some snacks." "Be a good boy." "I really appreciate this." "Very nice." "Some sofas, it's impossible to get comfortable." "Not this one." " Ryan, is it?" " Yeah." " Got any DVDs?" " Few." " I like Matt Damon." " Yeah, he's good." " It's my sister." " Just pretend I'm not here." " Hello, Kristen." " So, you excited?" "I don't know what I am." "Well, it's your first day in the job." "A little anxiety is to be expected." "Thats's why I prescribed those pills." "Yeah." "About those..." "They don't really seem to..." " You need to go out?" " Who are you talking to?" "Oh, it's just..." "Look, the thing is..." "I really appreciate your help getting me this job in the hospital but," "I'm not sure working in contract administration will make me happy." "Happy?" "You won't be happy, Ryan?" " You think Dad is happy?" " No." "I know I screwed up." " You think I'm happy?" " No, I would never..." "You think I love pulliing out babies 24/7?" "I mean, my god, I have to eat with these hands!" " Need some water." " Uh?" "Water." "You think he is happy?" "No, Ryan!" "Nobody is happy!" "All right?" "And listen, you're not exactly a hot commodity anymore." " You need this job." " Uh, okay." "Thanks for the pep talk." "You're welcome." "Now, remember:" "It's all about perception." "Just got to change the way you're seeing things." " All right?" " I work on that." "Have a seat." "I ain't gonna bite you." "Bite it's the easy way I have." "Not that I think about it." "Uh, bit jumpy, are we?" "No, I'm cool." "I'm seven years old, Ryan." "Too old and too wise for lies." "I can smell your fear, like I smell the sour milk in the fridge." "I've drunk some last night." "It was fine." "It was." "It is gone bad." "Just happened, when we were talking." "No..." "I'm starting the new job today." "Ryan..." "You're not going to work to die." "Got to cough to get off." "It's been a while." "Can you really smell the milk in my fridge?" "My nose is a very exquisite and sensitive organ." "And right now, it is currently smelling fear." "Fear, some milk and human shit." "You mean me?" "I just showered." "I'm crazy clean about there." "There are such things in this world, as particles." "Particles so small that you cannot possibly detect with your naked eye." "And I put it to you that they are particles of human shit lingering in the **** of your underpants." " I don't think there's any particles." " Man, I'm telling you, there are particles." "And they are lingering." "I need to sleep." "Lights out, Ryan." "Shit!" " Kristen..." " You are so dead!" "I vouched for you, and now you're no show on your first day of work?" " Dr. Ramos is furious!" " I'm sorry." " I've had a rough morning." " You had a rough morning?" "Try plying (pulling?" ") twin boys out of a tight little Asian gal." "She wasn't an Asian-American, Ryan." "She was real Asian!" "I had to do so much splice and dicing down there that it looked like a god dammed Benihana's" "So why don't you get your shit together, and come to work." "Nice nap, Ryan?" "Scared you?" "Give you quite a fright, did I?" "Am I dead?" "Seems no." "Come on." "I want to show you something." "What did you..?" "Why?" "!" "Anxiety." "Jenna has been away too long." "She's a goner." "I'm sure of it." "She probably choked on something." "Little piece of Lego or something." "She's just at work." "Are you talking down to me?" "What?" "No!" "I open up to you, and you talk down to me." "Look, she's coming back." " Promise?" " Sure." "Thank you, Ryan." "I feel much better, now." "Why are you still digging?" " It's a great workout." " Stop!" "Ryan, I know your type." "You're a good boy." "You come when you're called." "You don't rub your ass on a carpet." "Aren't you tired of doing what everyone else want you to do?" "Maybe it's time you quit playing ball with them..." "And just play ball with me." " Where that come from?" " Just give it a toss." "I don't think I should." " Trust me, you be glad you did..." " No." " I still go to work." " I still go for a walk." "I don't have time for a walk." "Ryan, you're already upset about the hole, yeah?" "Well, I've got just enough piss on me to kill what's left of it." "Tell me about Jenna." " Why?" " How am I to get to know her?" "Put your lipstick back in this case, Romeo." " You're not her type." " How can you say that?" "You don't know anything about me." "I know you think there's no hope." "I know you feel like a diamond in the rough... that's never going to shine." "I know what you tried to do last night." " How do you..." " Because I am you." "We are one mind." "Ah, just messing with you" "I read the snuff letter when you were passed out." "What did she think of it?" "Well, "The Diamond in the rough" metaphor was a little flat." "Four drafts and that's the best you can come up with?" "I started with "a caged bird longing to be free", but that maybe sound a little ****." "So does using the word "****"." "Maybe I'll keep working on it." " You know Buck?" " Who?" "Buck." "Black lab, like my age, great teeth." "You know him?" " I don't know Buck." " And you won't." "Because he is gone." "One day, running around by the tennis court to the park." " The next time..." " Hit by a car?" "No, we just kind of lost touch." "You just kind of lost touch?" "Life is short, Ryan." "****." "Speaking of rosebuds..." "Do you always feed your dog with nachos?" "Not all the time, but he worked out today." "What's your name?" " Wilfred." " Wilfred." "Hi, Wilfred." "Do you like that?" "Do you like that?" "You bet you do!" " I'll have what he's having." " He likes me." "Wilfred." "Get off." " Get off!" " I'm trying to!" "He just really likes me." "Sorry about that." " Can we get the check?" " Yeah." "There you go." "Bye, Wilfred." "I like you, but you are a shit wingman." " Look, Ryan, if you want my advice..." " Actually, I don't." "I've got enough people telling me what to do." "I'm just trying to help." "You don't have to be a dick." "Kristen was right." "What I want doesn't matter." "I have to get to work." " Hey, poochy pooch..." " Piss off!" "See, it's like me when I'm eating the ass of a dead possum." "While I'm eating at his guts through his ass, and I'm getting my teeth right in there." "No one ever told me that." "I just did it one day." "It happened." " And do it ever since." " Interesting." "Have you tried Korean?" " I think you'd like it." " You're missing the point." "I'm not just saying possum ass is delicious." "It is." "What I'm saying is I'm true to my nature." "And I don't overthink everything." "I act on instinct." " You're an animal." " We're all animals, Ryan." "I'll kill you!" "Wilfred, wait." "Stay!" "Come!" "Where is his leash?" "He's lucky I didn't kick his teeth in!" " * Loser!" "Fuck!" " No!" "I mean it!" "It won't happen again." "Yeah it does, or someone's getting nuts cut off." "Okay." "He means me." "You obviously haven't got anything." "Yeah, you're right." "I should have challenged him into a knives fight." "You let that shit stain walk all over us." "Your father was right." "You're a pussy." "Why did you say that?" "All right, he didn't, I made that up, but you are a pussy." " I will not listen to this." " Ryan, fear has made you weak." "Fear is the mind killer." "Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration." "That's from "Dune"." "How do you know that?" "How do you know that?" "Come on, man." "Throw the ball." " What are you afraid of?" " I'm not afraid." " But I know that's not just a ball." " Of course it is." " See?" "It's a ball." " Why are you pushing so hard?" "I'm feeling playful." "No more questions." "Stop thinking and throw the damn ball!" "No!" " What did you do?" " I'm sorry, I didn't mean that..." " You're a naughty boy!" " I'll give you another ball." " I don't want another ball." " Hey!" "Hey!" "Look Wilfred, it's Jenna." "Hey, I hope he wasn't in any trouble." "Not at all." "He is adorable." " Wilfred, did you make a new firend?" " He did, he really did." "I will not be ignored, Ryan." "So, Wilfred tells me, hum..." "I mean, what brings you to L.A.?" "I got a job as assignment(?" ") producer for Channel 13 News." "It's a big step up for me work wise." "Although I'm doing **** pieces right now, but that will change." " What about you?" "What do you do?" " Ball, ball, ball." "I play ball." "Not professionally." "I'm a lawyer." "I was a lawyer." "It's complicated." "I like "complicated"." "You know, the only thing that I had time to unpacked were my wine glasses." "You want to come inside?" "Some other time." "Okay." "Say bye bye Wilfred." "This isn't over." "I want that ball." "See you later, champ." "Better sleep with your eyes open." "Give Ryan a kiss." "You broke my heart, Ryan." " You broke my heart!" " Okay!" "Wilfred, down." "Down, Wilfred!" "You broke my heart, Ryan." "Better sleep with your eyes open." "Hello?" "Are you gonna answer me?" "What was the question?" " Why do I bother?" "That's the question." " Wait." " I'm having a problem." " Really?" "Those pills you gave, I kind of..." "abuse them." "I've taken so many, I can't feel them anymore." "Ryan, you have any idea how dangerous that is?" "Abusing those pills can lead to very serious side effects." "Paranoia, hallucinations, depression..." " Hallucinations?" " And worse, much worse." "Oh, my God." "That's why I gave you sugar pills." "What?" "Ryan, I can't prescribe meds to a family member." "That's unethical." "So..." "No side effects?" "From sugar pills?" "Adult onset diabetes?" "Tooth decay?" "Sugar rush?" "Ryan, why have you been so self-destructive?" "You need to pull yourself together and stop wallowing in self-pity." "Get back on that horse!" "****!" "Okay, so your whole career is over..." "Dad wanted me to be a lawyer." " I hate every minute of it." " Then, what do you want?" "Give me a minute..." " What do you want?" " I want my God damn ball." "Really?" "This all about?" "Ryan..." "When I was a young man," "I had a bit of an oral fixation." "Still do, I guess." "Anyway, I was too dumb to know the difference between a knot of rawhide and a fine Italian loafer." "Someone would adopt me," "I'd have a bit of a chew, and then it was "back to the pound" we go." "Italian loafer guy gave me a good beating." "Kicked me so hard I got hip displersia." "Displasia." "No I didn't get that bad, but I was on death row." "And then one day," "A kindly old woman at the shelter gave me a tennis ball." "That tennis ball." "I could chew, without shame, and suddenly, I was lovable." "That ball saved my life." "I need her back." "And I can't get through that guy without you." " So climb over the fence." " With what arms?" " What are those?" " Legs." "All right, I'll help you." "And then you stay away from me." " That's what you want..." " Shake on it." "Yeah, I never learned that trick." "But you have my word." "I found it!" "What are you doing?" "The nose knows." "Hey, this was not our deal." "Well, I didn't shake on it, did I?" "Here we go." "We're gonna need a bigger bong." "This was your plan the whole time." "Part of it." "This is the other part..." "In his boot?" "Well, they never check them first, do they?" "What the hell." "He deserves it." " Well, come on, let's go." " Not so fast..." "He has another boot." "You want me to...?" "No way." "Why not?" "He'll never know that was you." " That's not the point." " You said yourself he deserves this." "The bloody bike, the trash in the alley, do why he treat you like some insignificant limp dick wanker." " How does that make you feel?" " Angry!" "Well, it's time to return the favor." "You know you want too." " I'm not an animal." " Then be a man!" "For once in your life, be a man and shit in that boot!" " It was so awesome!" " Well done, Ryan." "Primo coiler, one of the best I've seen." "Shit!" "What the hell?" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Hey, Ryan..." "When was the last time you felt this good?" " Never." " It's call living, mate." "You can feel this way forever." "Trust our instincts." "No more doubt." "No fear." "Just throw it away." "Good boy!" "Welcome to your new life." "Aren't you going to fetch it?" "Do you know how many balls I have?" "What the hell are you doing out here?" " This is my friend Wilfred." " He looks filthy." "I have Dr. Ramos on the phone." "He is willing to talk to you." "Pick." "Hey, Doc." "It's Ryan." "Look, I appreciate the offer but," "I'd rather eat possum ass than be your desk monkey." "Give me the phone Dr. Ramos?" "Hello?" "This is just great." "Do you have any idea how though the job market is?" "Let's just say beggars can't be choosers!" "What a bitch!" " What am I supposed to think?" " Whatever you want." "But from now on, keep it to yourself." " I don't give a shit." " Well, actually he do, or he did." "This is funny?" "This is all funny to you, Ryan?" "You know what?" "I'm done." "You are on your own." "Wrong." "I'm not on my own" "I've got Wilfred!" " What's that?" " It is squirrel." "Gross!" "Wilfred..." " How is gonna end?" " Hum?" "This." "Us." "What's gonna happen?" "Don't know." "Anyway..." "It's nice to have someone looking out for me." "Oh, you like that?" "Wilfred!" "Did you..." "Ryan!" "Oh God!" "Shut up." "Hang on, hang on... hang on."