"THUNDERCLAP" "THUNDERCLAP" "'Edward?" "'" "THUNDERCLAP" "'Edward?" "'" "THUNDERCLAP" "THUNDERCLAP" "Daddy?" "THUNDERCLAP" "SNARLING" "POUNDING HEARTBEAT" "'Edward?" "'" "'Edward?" "' WHINNYING" "A-A-A-A-A-Argh!" "Yargh!" "HE SCREAMS" "Eddie!" "Eddie!" "Wake up!" "HE PANTS Eddie, wake up!" "You were dreaming!" "I'm sorry." "It's all right." "You're home now." "You're safe." "'Jia-Li?" "!" "'" "Go to your room." "Stay away from her." "Or you'll regret it, boy." "THUNDERCLAP" "Shot it myself, you know." "Magnificent beast, is it not?" "Yes, I'm sure it was." "Once." "Jia-Li?" "Have I ever told you the story of how this one came to live with us, Father?" "Papa, everyone knows that story." "In a remote Chinese village, she was six years old." "She was knee-deep in a rice paddy, where she'd be to this day, if I hadn't rescued her." "Don't be angry, but Edward won't come out of his room." "What?" "!" "Why?" "!" "He's not ready yet, Cecil." "I've told you that." "Rubbish." "He's been moping about for weeks." "I'll fetch him myself." "Let me talk to him, Papa!" "You stay and enjoy the party." "All right." "Perhaps Ada's right, Colonel." "At the moment, a party may not be what your nephew needs." "Rubbish!" "I'd have been proud of the honour when I returned from the war." "Everyone's asking for you." "Is everyone my uncle?" "Come on, stop being a bore." "You used to love parties." "I see you're still happy to let him dress you up." "His very own China doll." "I didn't mean that." "I do what I can to keep the peace around here." "I know." "I'm sorry." "I'll come down." "HE SIGHS" "Nothing fits any more." "Just tuck your shirt in." "You could use a comb once in a while." "OK." "I'm ready." "I say, what have we here?" "Ooh, I may have to have a...double helping." "THEY CHUCKLE" "Alice!" "Those are for the actual guests." "Yes, Chef." "APPLAUSE" "Um...it...it, er..." "It was a proud moment for me to see my young nephew heading off to serve his Queen and country." "He has valiantly fought to rid us of the cancer of Communism which threatens our free world." "So... let us all raise our glasses in thanks to Edward." "To Edward!" "Thank you." "Thanks very much." "A-hem!" "Let's not disappoint our friends, Edward." "I'm sure they'd all like to hear a few words from the guest of honour." "I-I'm very grateful to you all for coming today." "However, I do not share my uncle's view." "LAUGHTER" "I hold no ill will toward the North Koreans who captured me." "SHOCKED MURMURS" "I had no right to be in their country in the first place." "None of us did." "All right, um..." "let's have some music." "I'm not ashamed to call them my comrades!" "Silence me if you must, but it won't change the truth!" "Let's find your shoes, Edward." "Imperialism is the cancer, not Communism." "Down with capitalism!" "Please...please forgive my nephew." "I'm afraid... ..torture does leave its mark on a man in more ways than one." "Let us not dwell on such horrors." "This is a joyous occasion." "So please, all of you, stay and enjoy the party." "He's young, Colonel." "I've indulged him out of love for my brother." "It's made him feeble-minded." "Hm." "I'm sure that's not true." "There's something wrong with his brain." "I thought the war would make a man of him." "He's got worse." "Perhaps I should talk to him, then." "If you like." "I never could." "You're missing the festivities." "I doubt I'd be very welcome now." "Do you?" "Not everyone warms to the sight of a priest at a party either." "But I've never let it keep me away from a good rum punch." "I know what it's like to return from war... ..and feel like a stranger amongst your own." "And after what you've been through..." "I wasn't tortured." "That just fits with my uncle's narrative." "But you were starved, by all accounts." "Should the villagers have fed us before feeding their own children?" "Your mother says you suffer from nightmares." "Almost every night." "So would you if you lived in this house." "What do you mean?" "Whatever you have to say will remain between us." "And God, of course, but he's never been known to betray a confidence." "Perhaps you should ask the Colonel what really happened to my father." "I heard it was an accident." "He was an experienced climber." "He never would have fallen." "When my uncle sees something he wants...he takes it." "Like a little girl from China." "Or his brother's wife." "I saw the way he looked at my mother." "But you didn't see what happened that day." "I wanted to go with them, but the Colonel said I was too young." "You see?" "He didn't want any witnesses." "Or he was protecting a young boy from a hazardous climb that claimed the life of your father." "I know it must've been painful to see your mother remarry so soon." "But perhaps you have to forgive your uncle for replacing the man you loved." "Father, is that your second glass of punch?" "And my last." "This house has you corrupted." "Tigers and...foreigners!" "It's so lifelike." "Not a hair out of place." "What a strange compulsion man has to try and conquer nature." "I fear someday we will reap the whirlwind for such arrogance." "Eddie!" "Get off me!" "Get off me!" "Eddie!" "Get off me!" "Stop!" "Don't!" "I'll kill you!" "Cecil!" "You all saw that." "He's gone mad." "He's gone mad." "And I'll see you put away for life, boy!" "Edward?" "No." "Is Edward all right?" "He needs some time alone." "I hate it when they fight." "May I ask what the argument was about?" "I wish I knew." "I came in and they just flew at each other." "I should go and find Papa." "Hm." "Excuse me, Father." "Of course." "Upside down." "Still up to your old tricks, I hope." "I still see you're trying to wind up your uncle." "Your performance at that party, that was..." "Well, I thought it was brilliant." "It wasn't a performance." "It's what I believe." "That's fair enough." "If you need anybody to redistribute a bit of wealth, you know where to find me." "The world's a big place, Eddie." "What's keeping you here?" "Oh, I see." "What?" "She's my sister." "She's not your blood, though, is she?" "That's not the point." "I doubt the guests will be back again in a hurry." "Nonsense." "Everybody loves a scandal." "Gives them something to gossip about, doesn't it, Mrs McCarthy?" "It's lucky for some I know how to keep my mouth shut." "Where are my scissors?" "I think Cecil means it this time." "He wants Edward committed." "Surely that can be avoided." "After Edward's behaviour this afternoon, I very much doubt it." "Is there anything I can do to help, Mrs Gerard?" "You could stay the night, Father." "I'd be delighted, but how would that help?" "My husband respects you greatly, as does my son." "If they could just be in the same room together without fighting, perhaps Cecil would reconsider." "We'd have to leave first thing in the morning though, Father, wouldn't we?" "Oh, yes, plenty of room for you too, Mrs McCarthy." "Well, if they're staying, count me in." "We'll make a night of it!" "The cheek of the woman, inviting herself..." "If I asked you to do something for me, no questions asked, would you do it?" "Would this something be illegal?" "Yes." "I'd pay you of course." "Course you will." "All right." "Sorry I'm late." "We dine at seven in this house." "I'd like to apologise to you all for my behaviour today." "I behaved abominably, especially towards you, Uncle." "I hope you can forgive me." "You put yourself to shame, Edward." "I'm just glad your father wasn't here to see it." "But it's brave to admit you're wrong, so I accept your apology." "Thank you, Uncle." "Well..." "Father Brown, do we have you to thank for this welcome change in my nephew?" "Not at all." "I think Edward knows his own mind." "Perhaps you'd like to say Grace, Father, before the soup gets any colder." "I thought you'd never ask." "In nonime Patris et filii et Spiritus Sancti..." "Cecil?" "Where are you going?" "To bed." "But it's only nine o'clock." "I've got indigestion." "Cecil, Father Brown stayed especially and Edward wants to make amends." "Won't you have a brandy with him at least?" "Why, do you want me to change my mind about the mad house?" "Edward said he was sorry." "Look, Cecil, he's not ill, he's just confused." "We need to be patient with him." "He'll forget these silly notions about the war and... get back to normal." "Don't embarrass yourself." "You may have been beautiful once, but that was a very, very long time ago." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Let her go!" "How dare you treat my sister this way!" "Rupert, it's nothing, go back and join the others." "It's not nothing." "He's a brute and I won't stand for it." "And you are a fat, lazy imbecile who's lived off my hospitality for far too long." "So if you don't like the way I run my home," "I suggest you find another one." "Tomorrow." "Tell Jia-Li to bring me up some stomach salts." "Morning, Father." "Lovely." "It's a shame the Colonel had to retire so early last night." "Is it?" "Remember the tantrum he had last time we played charades?" "You were teasing him mercilessly, Felicia, as well you know." "Jia-Li, be a dear and see if your father will be joining us." "Yes, Mama." "Morning, all." "Mother." "Did you sleep well, darling?" "Well, thank you." "No more nightmares." "I'm glad somebody slept well last night, because I didn't get a wink." "And why was that, Mrs McCarthy?" "SCREAMING UPSTAIRS" "What happened to him?" "Some room please, Father." "Apologies, Inspector." "Mrs Gerard, may I ask why your husband's body was undiscovered until this morning?" "This is your bedroom, isn't it?" "I have a private room." "You say the Colonel was complaining of indigestion?" "Yes, just after dinner." "My daughter brought him some stomach salts." "And what time was this?" "About ten o'clock." "He was in too much pain to get out of bed." "I wanted to call a doctor, but he said no." "Residue of stomach salts, sir." "I take it no-one else was unwell?" "Did you all eat the same food last night?" "Yes." "Some more than others." "And did anyone enter the room after ten o'clock?" "Somebody did." "My room was directly below and I heard nothing but creaking floorboards half the night." "Well, it clearly wasn't the Colonel." "So which of you was it?" "Hmm..." "Strange consistency." "Quite unlike stomach salts." "I can't think what it could be." "That's what laboratories are for, Father." "Papa..." "Jia-Li, is it?" "Did I say that right?" "Can I ask how you came to live with the Gerard family?" "What's that got to do with anything?" "I'm merely establishing Miss Gerard's relationship with the deceased." "She's adopted." "Now, if you don't mind, my sister's been through enough today." "Would you care to tell me what happened to your lip?" "I had a disagreement with my uncle." "What about?" "Just about everything..." "over the years." "That's not a crime, is it?" "We'll find out." "After the post mortem." "Listen, Father, I didn't want to say anything in front of the coppers, cos I didn't want to get Edward in trouble... or me, for that matter." "I'm involved." "Involved in what?" "Are you fond of theatre, Edward?" "Not especially." "No?" "Nothing better than a bit of Shakespeare." "King Lear." "Macbeth." "You must know this one - young Prince of Denmark, Hamlet his name, pretends to be mad in order to murder his uncle and avenge his father's death." "That's not funny." "No, it's not." "I know about the passports." "You were planning to leg it with your sister." "Not the action of an innocent man." "I wanted us to leave, that's all." "If we'd travelled under our real names, he would've found us." "He'd have seen it as theft, do you understand?" "Jia-Li belonged to him." "The truth is, Father, I wish I'd had the courage to kill him." "Mr Digby." "Father." "Didn't see you there." "If you don't mind my saying so, you seem rather anxious to avoid me." "Me?" "No!" "Not at all!" "Glad to hear it." "Because if there was something you wanted to get off your chest, you know I'm always here to listen..." "May God forgive me..." "What is it?" "I've committed a grave sin..." "Do you think it's too early for a gin and tonic?" "Not at all!" "Take the edge off." "There's no need to run, is there?" "Mr Digby?" "Hello again..." "Ah..." "I need to speak to the chef." "Inspector?" "Not now, Father." "They were found in the Colonel's stomach." "And you think these came from my kitchen?" "Herbs?" "Oui." "Spices?" "Oui." "Disgusting fragments?" "Non!" "So you have no idea what it is?" "Tiger's whiskers." "What?" "Cut finely enough, they can be sprinkled on food." "Tasteless, odourless, virtually invisible, but sharp enough to penetrate the intestines." "Chinese assassination technique known since the 17th century." "How do you know this?" "Well, anyone could know it if they consulted this Encyclopaedia." "The Colonel died of massive haemorrhaging." "Somebody here put tiger's whiskers in his food." "That's preposterous!" "We all loved Cecil dearly." "I suppose that's why Edward threatened to kill him yesterday?" "We all saw him, he had his hands around his throat." "That's right." "Because he was a selfish, imperialistic boor and I despised everything he stood for." "Eddie, don't." "Why not?" "I'm not sorry he's dead and I don't care who knows it." "Well, perhaps you'll care in the dock." "Edward Gerard, I'm arresting you on suspicion of the murder of Colonel Gerard." "No!" "Get your hands off me." "Inspector..." "He murdered my father, you know!" "Where were you lot then?" "Eh?" "!" "He doesn't know what he's saying." "He's not in his right mind!" "He was brainwashed in Korea." "Father Brown can vouch for it, can't you, Father?" "I doubt if my opinion has any relevance." "That rarely holds you back." "But I believe Edward's war experiences have affected his behaviour... but I'd say he's completely sane." "Are you prepared to testify to that in court?" "If I'm called upon." "May I ask what was the substance on Colonel Gerard's pyjamas?" "It has me puzzled." "You and me both." "It was cornflour." "He'd ingested it." "Cornflour..." "It was my duty, Father, to tell the police, whether Edward's innocent or not." "Quite right." "But if he is innocent, that raises a rather troubling question." "The answer to which may be under our very noses." "Or rather, the nose of a tiger..." "Let us apply our reason." "Last time we saw the tiger intact was when we stood beneath it at the party." "What time that was?" "About six o'clock." "We then went in to dine together which is when the Colonel must have swallowed the whiskers." "He remained in our company, and began feeling unwell around nine o'clock." "So the killer would have had to have been alone with the tiger in the hour preceding dinner..." "You're getting rather good at this, Mrs McCarthy." "Oh!" "So, all we have to do is confirm the whereabouts of everybody during that crucial hour." "Edward was late for dinner, so we can't rule him out." "Jia-Li was looking for the Colonel." "Mrs Gerard was with us, but she left shortly after." "And the tiger's just next door..." "Well observed." "However, if you recall, her scissors had already been stolen." "Why draw attention to that if you're the killer?" "True enough." "Then there's the incomprehensible chef." "And Mr Digby, of course." "LAUGHING NEXT DOOR" "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" "Is this a private party or can anyone join in?" "Lady Felicia, perhaps you'd like to take Mrs McCarthy outside for a breath of fresh air." "Oh, yes..." "I say, you won't tell my sister, will you?" "She'll think me terribly callous." "My lips are sealed, Mr Digby." "However, you need to loosen yours." "Yesterday, where were you the hour before we dined?" "I'm afraid much as you found me now, Father." "Only in a linen cupboard, upstairs." "With an Eton Mess." "Which it certainly was." "Oh." "So what was the grave sin you wanted to confess to me earlier?" "This morning, when I saw Cecil dead..." "I'd never felt happier in my life." "What sort of man am I, Father, to feel joy, even as my dear nephew faces the gallows?" "None of us can censor our feelings, Mr Digby, only our actions." "Did you play a part in the Colonel's death?" "Certainly not." "Then the killer alone must bear the guilt." "Guilt..." "Alice!" "Stir the soup." "Er, no, thank you." "May I ask how you came to be working for the Colonel?" "My mother cooked for his family in Indochina." "I'll let you get on." "Oh, just one more thing." "Could I possibly borrow some cornflour?" "Cornflour?" "Oui." "Alice!" "Where's the cornflour?" "I don't know." "Imbecile!" "You never put things back!" "That's OK, thank you." "HE REBUKES HER IN FRENCH" "I was here, freshening up before dinner." "Why do you ask?" "Well, we're all pieces in this puzzle, Mrs Gerard." "I was just wondering where to place you." "You mean...you think Edward might be innocent?" "Don't you?" "I brought him into the world, Father." "You couldn't hope for a gentler child." "But everyone has their breaking point." "Cecil enjoyed thrashing him, you see." "I'd see it in his eyes." "I mean, what kind of a monster..." "I'm sorry, Father." "I know I shouldn't speak ill of the dead." "Not everyone deserves a favourable epitaph." "Did he ever harm Jia-Li?" "No, never." "You?" "You will stay to dinner, won't you, Father?" "Having you here is such a comfort." "I'd be honoured." "Didn't know you smoked, Mrs Gerard?" "Only occasionally." "Why do you think Henri stayed on all these years?" "It wasn't for the salary, that's for sure." "Now the Colonel's gone, he has Ada all to himself..." "Good for them, I say." "I hear he's a tiger in bed." "Sorry, poor taste." "Fish soup." "Une bouillabaisse." "Would you like to say Grace, Father?" "In nonime Patris et filii et Spiritus Sancti." "Lord, as we give thanks for Thy great bounty, we humbly ask a blessing for one who cannot break bread with us here today..." "Let young Edward be filled with Thy Love, that he may face the trials ahead without fear." "What is it, Father?" "It seems everyone had a motive for killing the Colonel." "And I'm no closer to a suspect." "Well, maybe Inspector Sullivan arrested the right man." "Or maybe not..." "They're all gone..." "Who on earth would want to poison any of us?" "That has yet to be determined." "Please, try and remain calm." "Calm?" "You saw what happened to Papa." "He died a slow, agonising death." "May the Lord have mercy on his soul." "HE GROANS Rupert!" "Mr Digby..." "The pain, it's unbearable!" "Well, somebody DO something!" "I'll call for an ambulance." "Why me?" "I don't want to die!" "Ooh!" "HE BREAKS WIND" "Actually, that's much better." "Oh, heavens." "Apologies, ladies." "Father Brown, are you all right?" "I'm perfectly well, thank you." "Oh, Father Brown." "It's you." "You must have eaten them." "I'm sure it's nothing." "No arguments, you are going straight to the hospital!" "And what could they do if I HAVE swallowed them?" "I'd rather use my time wisely." "Mrs Gerard, erm..." "I'd like to make a phone call, please." "I think Inspector Sullivan should know that the killer has struck again..." "Round everyone up and search the premises." "Miss Gerard, the Inspector wants us all inside." "I need to see Edward." "What's going on?" "Father Brown's been poisoned too." "What?" "Is that everyone?" "Is it true?" "Do you mind?" "I'm in the middle of..." "Has he been poisoned?" "!" "Who did it?" "Eh?" "That's what I intend to find out..." "Oh" "Oh, this is absurd." "Do you really think one of us would harm a priest?" "I think the facts speak for themselves." "I want each and every one of you to account for your whereabouts before dinner." "Where would a chef be before dinner...?" "!" "I was playing backgammon with Lady Felicia." "And I was with Father Brown." "Drag marks, from this chest." "Because the killer couldn't reach..." "Where is Jia-Li Gerard?" "He's dying?" "Are you sure?" "Who would do such a thing?" "The same person who killed Papa." "But who?" "I don't know." "All that matters is they'll have to let you go." "Jia-Li?" "I have to go." "Tell me it wasn't you." "Officer, I'd like to go now." "Just one minute more, please." "Stand back, Mr Gerard." "Jia-Li!" "I'll see you soon." "Jia-Li!" "Officer, do you..." "Miss Gerard, would you step into my office, please?" "What is this?" "Your mistake - finally catching up with you." "What mistake?" "The assumption that no-one would be arrested... so obscure was your method of murdering your father..." "Is Edward all right?" "You claimed to go off in search of the Colonel, an alibi that could not be contested." "But once alone with the tiger, your height proved a problem..." "That's absurd." "When could I have put it in Papa's food?" "It happened before our very eyes." "Because our eyes were closed." "I suspect you repeated the same trick this evening, while I was saying Grace." "Stop!" "Stay there!" "Miss Gerard!" "Miss Gerard, you're only making this worse for yourself." "Miss Gerard, we're coming in." "Get the car." "Find out from Edward if he knows where she'd go." "Then release him." "Someone must have seen her." "There can't be too many Chinese women in these parts." "We have to find her first." "Hang about, first thing we need to do is get you to a hospital." "Not while a young girl's soul's in danger." "Father, I'm not arguing!" "No!" "The only thing left for me to do now is pray." "O most merciful Jesus, Lover of souls," "I pray Thee, by the agony of Thy most Sacred Heart, and by the suffering of Thy Immaculate Mother..." "Argh!" "Cleanse in Thine Own Blood this humble sinner who in his agony is to die today..." "Heart of Jesus, once in agony, pity me." "Father Brown!" "You're not going to die." "I have a cure." "You need to drink cornflour and water." "It won't work." "Yes, it will, I was just too late before." "It's just a forgotten passage in an outdated book." "Remembered by a little lost girl and remembered as truth." "What have I done?" "What have I done, more to the point, to deserve this gruesome end?" "You were going to testify." "An insanity plea was Edward's only hope." "Unless you confessed." "Who'd have believed me?" "They'd have thought I was lying to protect him." "But no jury would doubt the word of a priest." "I'm so sorry, Father." "I never meant to kill a man of God." "Well, that's lucky." "Because I never ate the whiskers in the first place." "What?" "Fortunately, The Lord gave me an aversion to fish soup." "But..." "I saw you eating it." "Did you?" "It's a ruse to avoid offending my hosts." "It seems I'm becoming a rather good actor." "I almost believed I was ill myself." "But why pretend?" "Because I knew the killer had a conscience." "The cornflour in the Colonel's stomach proved that." "This evening, when no-one else was afflicted," "I realised I was the intended victim." "I took a chance that your guilt would bring you to my church in order to undo your crime." "Can you ever forgive me, Father?" "For the attempt on my life, yes." "For the Colonel's, only God can forgive you." "He has to forgive her." "She was driven to it." "How can you defend her after everything that she's done?" "Because I love her." "But it's not that simple, is it, Jia-Li?" "Your father had designs on you..." "You're lovelier by the day." "He'll never have you, you know." "Do you understand?" "Papa!" "I didn't take you in, look after you, feed you, clothe you to share you with anyone." "Don't!" "Get away from her!" "I'll do what I like with her." "Get off me." "Eddie!" "No!" "Get off me!" "I'll kill you!" "Cecil!" "He would've kept Edward locked up to have me for himself." "Motive enough for murder." "Yet you still tried to save him..." "I was afraid of what he'd made me." "HE HEAVES You have to drink this." "What is it?" "It'll fix you." "Who did this?" "Tell Edward... his father screamed like a child." "And I pushed him." "I looked the devil in the eye that night." "And I saw my own face looking back at me." "He deserved to die." "Because he took a life..." "So did I." "BIRDS SCATTER OUTSIDE" "That's why I'm giving myself up." "Jia-Li, you can't." "They'll hang you." "Then that's what I deserve." "Don't say that." "We can still run." "I can never run from what I did." "You're not like him." "You'll never be like him." "Jia-Li, please." "I need you." "I'm sorry." "Father, tell her not to do this." "That's a decision only Jia-Li can make." "But if I were her, I'd ask myself if I felt true remorse for my sin?" "Yes." "And I'd ask myself if I acted selflessly out of love for another human being?" "Yes." "Then if you truly repent before God, He will know what is in your heart." "Here." "Come on..." "Well, I'd hate a good forgery to go to waste." "There isn't much time..." "SIREN OUTSIDE" "Inspector, what brings you here?" "Mrs McCarthy called us." "She saw Jia-Li entering the church." "Really?" "Well, she's not here now." "Search the area, quickly." "When I find her, there'll be questions to answer... from both of you." "Shouldn't you be in hospital?" "Turns out it was just wind." "Praise the Lord." "Praise the Lord..." "FRENCH MUSIC PLAYS" "Her husband's barely been in the ground a month." "People grieve in different ways." "Ooh!" "Naughty man." "I'm so glad you were able to come." "Shame Edward and Jia-Li couldn't be here." "Have you heard from them recently?" "Actually, Father, they're the reason for this party." "Ah..." "This arrived a few days ago." "No return address." "Sound advice, Mrs Gerard." "Thank you, no." "I'll never eat another morsel in this house." "Don't worry, Mrs McCarthy, you're perfectly safe." "He's quite harmless now."