"Nikhil please, switch it off." "It started raining?" "What is the time?" "The year's first rain." "Wonder what charm it holds." "Papa used to repeat this on every first downpour." "He used to say that seeing the rain..." "Kalidas composed a poetic work like Meghdhoot." "Go to sleep." "What happened?" "How many years now?" "Eight." "How many?" " Eight." "Eight years." "You got up?" "How are you?" " I'm fine." "Fine?" "Want to wish papa good morning?" "Yes." " Come." "Shall we go to papa?" "Saw a dream?" " Yes." "What did you see?" "What did you see?" " A fairy." "Is it?" "You saw a fairy?" " Yes." "What did she tell you?" " Flowers have started arriving." "Who sent them?" " I don't know." "How do they remember?" "I never remember." " Wish papa good morning." "Good morning, dear." " Whose is this?" "This is Prabha aunty and Ramesh uncle's." "She thinks we will live for 200 years." "Get the flowers, dear." "More flowers have arrived" "Give." " What are you doing with them?" "I'm putting them in a vase." "Get the other vase too." "Vasu, hug me too." "Revathi, how was the performance?" " Very good." "But very exhausting." "She has reduced to half." " He wants me to bloat into a balloon." "You think even we will be like them after 1 0 years?" "After 1 0 years..." " What?" "You'll look exactly like you do now." "Let's go inside." "Where is Rashmi?" " Rashmi!" "come here." "You have grown so big, I cannot carry you." "I have bought a gift for you." "Gopal is asking why we didn't invite him last year for our anniversary." "I told him you are the boss, you tell him." "I do whatever you say." "We didn't throw a party last year." "You were not here then." "Is it?" " Had you really forgotten?" "Forget it Roma, he remembers everything." "He only pretends to be an absent minded scientist." "See!" "See how well Sandhya knows Nikhil." "Who?" " You." "Knowing someone so well is so scary." "That's marriage." " Yes, that's marriage." "Lock up two people in a room...forever." "What can they do after that... other than know each other, hurt each other." "Peep into each other's corners, know everything about each other." "No secrets are left." "Ramesh, you make marriage sound so dirty." "I didn't." " Ofcourse." "Ramesh, if marriage is like that, why did you marry at all?" "Because Prabha was not ready to live with me without marriage." "Prabha, is he speaking the truth?" "Ours was an arranged marriage." "Come on Nikhil, what kind of a host are you?" "Fill up my glass." "Sorry, I got late." "Why did you bother?" "Congratulations for being together for so many years." "You mean, congratulations for being locked in a room for so many years." "What?" "Take a man and a woman and lock them in a room." "Keep them there all their lives, that is called marriage." "Those are Ramesh's words, not Nikhil's." "They are my words." "Where did Rahul go?" "Come." "Nikhil, Sandhya, he's Rahul, my nephew." "We were about to leave when he came." "We had not met since many years... so I told him to come along, there is no formality." "I'm sorry, I came uninvited." " Rubbish." "Come." "The more the merrier, that's my principle." "I'm sorry Sandhya, I didn't want to bring him, but you know Arvind." "Rahul came to call us, and he brought him along." "It's alright, Geeta." "Come." "Rahul, what will you drink?" " He doesn't take liquor." "Give him a soft drink." "Brothers and sisters, attention please." "If you don't mind, I'd like to play some music." "Sure!" "Lovely." " This is Geeta and Arvind's gift." "We need it too, because the atmosphere has become quite serious." "Are you okay?" "It looks like this has been lying covered since very long." "True." "I haven't touched it since wonder when." "You learn singing?" " I used to." "From whom?" " Pandit Jagannath Prasad." "Pandit Jagannath Prasad?" " You know him?" "Yes." " You also learn music?" "I am Pandit Hridayanath's pupil." "Then we are of one community." " Yes." "Yes." "I was putting flowers in the vase." "Doesn't matter, I'll clear it." "Congratulations on your wedding anniversary." "You completed eight years?" "It's not a short period." "Are you happy?" "You are very drunk." "Come." "Get up." "Once you fall, it is difficult to rise." "Hey, I said such a grave thing so easily." "Get up." "Sit." "Will you have coffee?" "Know what I kept thinking all evening?" "What?" "I kept thinking about my own wedding anniversary." "I mean, my and Ramesh's wedding anniversary." "Shall I tell you how I celebrated it?" "Tell me now." " Forget it." "Why spoil your day?" "Hey...you don't look happy." "What is the matter?" "I am fine." " You are lying." "What is the matter?" "I saw a strange dream." " What did you see?" "Tell me." "I saw I am lost." "It is dark all around, so thick and heavy..." "like I'm being crushed under its burden." "I try to lift my hands, but cannot." "I try to shout, but no sound escapes my mouth." "Have you ever felt like that?" "You feel you're awake, can see everything... but your hands and legs, your body is not in your control?" "It was a strange feeling." "I was very scared." "My body felt lifeless." "And suddenly, I saw I am in a room." "A small room." "A room with a very low roof." "Low and straight roof, the walls rubbed with ash." "No windows anywhere, just a door." "When I opened the door, even the other room was the same." "No windows anywhere, and ash rubbed on the walls." "I opened one more door, and I kept opening doors and doors... and every time, the same kind of room came before me." "And then when I opened one door, there was nothing ahead." "Just an open sky." "I could not hold myself, and fell down." "But I didn't continue to fall." "It was like I was suspended." "I turn back and there is no room, there is no ground below." "No hand to support me." "It was..." "I felt a strange lightness." "I even got a feeling of freedom." "And there was also fear." "I didn't know what to do." "And then I woke up." "All day long, this dream..." "I felt I was walking in the air." "Nothing concrete around me." "Just voice..." "Did I disturb you?" " No." "What was going on here?" " Nothing, I broke a vase." "Want ice?" " Yes, some more." "Do you have it?" "I'll give it to him, you go." "So you broke the vase." "Do you know any Rajan who lives in this building?" "She is asking for him." " No Rajan lives here." "What is the matter?" "Madam, this girl is going in every building and asking for Rajan." "Now she insists on going to every flat." "She doesn't listen to me." "I tried convincing her." " Look, there is no Rajan..." "Hey girl, stop!" "Where are you going?" "There is no Rajan here." "Look..." "listen to me." "Okay, come here." "You are looking for Rajan?" "How does your Rajan look?" "I mean, must he be this tall?" "Does he wear glasses?" "He is a little bald?" "You come here." "He is not Rajan." " Stop it, Ramesh." "He is Ramesh." " What are you doing, Ramesh?" "Will Ramesh do?" "You have come to the wrong place." "There is no Rajan here." "There is only Ramesh here." "Hey girl...wait.." "listen." "It's quite peaceful here." " I never found Bombay peaceful." "There is always a crowd, always noise." "If we are also there in the street... the one standing here will feel we are standing among so many people." "But actually we are alone, detached from everyone." "No one is your own in a crowd." "In the beginning, I feared getting lost." "I still do." "Not many days since you are here?" " Six months." "And before that?" " Rajgarh." "It's a small town." "My Guruji lives there." "He died six months ago." "I have to give my first public performance day after tomorrow." "Is it?" "My Guruji had fixed it before he died." "Nervous?" " A little." "I don't know whether I am ready or not." "And you won't know either, until you don't go  sing before everyone." "True." "But singing for the first time before so many strangers..." "Will it make a difference if you see one known face?" "I mean, I'd like to come." " Really?" "Are you being formal?" "No, I am not being formal." " Then do come." "I will." "I cannot say for sure about Nikhil..." " You come." "Looks like it's going to rain." "I'll go in and check." "Tired?" "It's strange." "I only arranged the party, now I feel it should all end fast." "And that everyone leaves." " Shall I ask them to leave?" "I'll go and tell them." " Are you crazy?" "Go away all of you." "I'll serve dinner." " Take a sip." "It will relax you." "Take it, Sandhya." " No Nikhil." "Take it, I'm giving you so lovingly." " No Nikhil!" "You are drunk." "Don't cry." "Please" "Crying doesn't suit you." "You look very beautiful when you are happy." "Please, don't cry." ""The clouds pour down"" ""The rain pours down heavily"" ""The heart does not understand anything"" ""My body is soaked"" ""Joy fills my heart"" ""The clouds pour down"" ""My heart is pleased, my body is pleased"" ""It's pleasure all the way"" ""The clouds pour down"" "His name is Rahul." " And?" "This name was crushing my breaths." "I was craving to say this name out loud before someone." "I realise today why the heroine of the play 'Sanskrit' needed a friend." "If you want your friend to hear you, come and sit here." "Do you know, whenever someone stares at me,I feel there's something wrong." "Like my bra strap is seen, or my button is open... or my lipstick has spread." "But that day, when Rahul was staring at me..." "I had a strange, exactly opposite feeling." "Like everything is right." "I cannot explain, but I have never felt like this before." "Not even with Nikhil." "It is strange." "You say he was in your house for the party that day." "And I don't even remember his face." "What's surprising about that?" "You were totally sozzled." "But when I saw him singing..." "I'd been for his concert." "I'd told him I'll come." "I saw him as a totally different person." "So lost in his singing." "There was a different kind of glow on his face." "A pull." "And then the affair began." "No, not then, surely not since then." "He came to meet me the next day, outside my office." "When I came out, I saw him standing there." "He said he was waiting for me." "He didn't even remember since when he was waiting for me." "He said he would wait for days, weeks, months." "Why are you smiling?" "You are looking very beautiful." "Even I feel so." "He keeps telling me that all the time." "I have begun to believe that I am beautiful." "Remember Prabha, before marriage, I had such a big complex about it?" "If there was anyone beautiful in the house, it was Nisha." "Mom never let me forget how ordinary I was." "What mom saw she said." "There is some loss in being number two." "Come on, turn..turn." "I know how you used to look in those days." "Oily hair, tight plaits, pimpled face." "That was rebellion against mom,... because she wanted me to look smart like Nisha." "And you know me." "Enough." "Do you know what you are doing?" "I don't know." "You tell me." " You are going crazy." "Prabha, let me go mad once." "Let me get carried away in this desire." "How sensible I have been until today, how simple and good." "Sandhya, you are playing with fire." "I won't get burnt, I won't even get singed" "Prabha, I am safe, absolutely protected." "How?" "I don't know." "Know...know how you feel when you have very high temperature?" "Everything blurred, we are detached from everyone." "That is how I feel." "But when I meet Rahul, everything becomes real." "Concrete...even Rahul, even me,..even our bodies." "Everything else seems fake, just a feeling." "And when I return home, it is like I've returned from a long journey." "A strangeness in everything at home, a kind of shunning." "Like ice frozen in the whole house." "Then Rashmi returns from school, Nikhil returns from office." "And even I return with them." "This is my own home, and I am among my own people... who I love very much." "Love?" " Yes...yes, love." "What I feel for Nikhil is love." "Rahul cannot even touch it." "Sandhya, why are you making your life complicated?" "Complicated?" "Infact, it's the opposite." "Everything is so beautiful, so simple with Rahul." "For him, I am just one person, his lover." "It is so easy to be that." "He doesn't expect anything else from me.... except that I am in his life." "Foolish!" "That is not what I meant." "I meant...forget it." "What happened, Prabha?" "What is it?" "Hey...what is it?" "Tell me." " The truth is, I am jealous of you." "Jealous?" "Of me?" "Look at yourself." "You have Nikhil, your marriage is full of love." "And now you have this new happiness." "And look at me." "Remember, I was going to tell you something that day?" "On your anniversary day?" "I was going to tell you about my wedding anniversary day." "Shall I tell you how I celebrated it?" " Tell me." "I had decided to leave Ramesh." "You never told me this before." " No." "I don't know how I had gathered so much courage to think of leaving him." "1 0 years Sandhya, killing suffocation filled 1 0 years!" "I thought, 'enough, not any more'." "I packed everything that day." "I even readied my daughters." "I even kept the lecture to be given to Ramesh ready." "I don't remember what I was going to say... but I was prepared." "And then I started waiting for Ramesh to return." "I kept waiting...and waiting." "Our 1 0th wedding anniversary, and he didn't return home." "It must be midnight, and I fell asleep." "Believe me, I fell asleep." "Isn't it funny?" "I fell asleep even on that night." "But you must have told him the next day?" "The next day?" "All the courage I'd gathered fizzled out." "It is strange." "Somewhere, I was feeling happy I had fallen asleep." "Ramesh guessed it." "He says I can leave if I want... but our daughters will stay here." "That they are his." "Like as if our daughters are some piece of property." "What do I do?" "Sometimes Ramesh loves me so much, cares so much for me." "I feel I am totally safe." "And then he behaves like he is not human, but an animal." "I begin to feel his love is an illusion." "My illusion." "Which I have invented to justify my cowardice." "Tell me something, should I leave Ramesh and lose my daughters?" "If that was the case, will you be able to lose Rashmi?" "Lose Rashmi?" "Why will I lose her?" "The question does not arise." "I am not going to leave Nikhil." "Ours is a union for life." "Rahul...with Rahul..." "I sometimes feel... that if we have to spend a lot of time together,... we won't know what to talk about." "In such a situation, even sex can be boring." "Then leave him." " Leave Rahul?" "Have you seen the eyes of a new born calf?" "How lost they are." "But will you be able to bear the hurt Nikhil suffers?" "Why will he be hurt?" "He doesn't know anything." "For how long?" "He will know one day." "What then?" "He will never know." " Don't deliberately act blind." "He will know one day." "What will you do then?" "How long will you continue this?" "Rahul says he will love me forever." "You believe him?" "Then?" "Wake up from your dream, Sandhya." "Rahul says I am that dream of his that has come true." "I know one cannot live in a dream." "You are walking a tight rope hanging in the sky." "That is what I feel." "I am over there, in the sky." "Much above the crowd." "I feel excited... that I can do this." "I have maintained the balance." "One little slip, and everything will be over." "You, Nikhil, Rashmi." "And Rahul?" ""The drum plays loud"" ""The drum plays loud"" ""The whole body rings with the echo"" ""Radha played..."" ""the flute of Kanha"" ""And the rain came down"" ""Radha is bemused"" ""ln the rainy weather"" "What story do I tell you today?" "A rat's?" "No." " No?" "Of a fat man?" "There was a fat man." "Very fat!" "So fat, he used to eat all day." "He had twelve kids." "How many?" " Twelve." "Twelve." "Eight girls, four boys." "And all of them thin, absolutely thin." "He would not give them food, he would eat all the food." "The children would be left screaming, 'give us too!" "'" "But he wouldn't give them." "The children played a trick." "The man came one day and saw there is no food." "He got very angry and screamed, 'Who took my food?" "'" "And the children went and hid, some here, some there." "The fat man was upset." "Where was his food?" "I'll take it." "The fat man was upset." "He was very hungry." "Yes Prabha, tell me." "I've been wanting to call you since a week." "How are you?" "I'm fine." " We didn't meet after that day." "I was worried." "Is everything okay?" " Yes, everything is alright." "Is Nikhil close to you?" "Did you talk to him?" "To Rahul?" "Yes, I did." " And?" "Prabha please, not now." " It's okay." "I was just worried." "Take care." "Give, I..." " I'll take her." "Who was it?" "Prabha." " What was she saying?" "Anything important?" "Sandhya, what happened?" "What happened?" "So much love suddenly?" "What happened, love?" "Overcome with love?" "Aunty, are you dreaming?" "What are you seeing in the dream?" "Tell me, aunty." " Let me see it, then I'll tell you." "What are you dreaming, tell me." " Aren't you sleepy?" "Come, sleep." "Anu, go and sleep." "How do you feel now?" " I'm fine." "You should have told me, we would keep it some other time." "I thought I won't tell Nikhil until it is confirmed." "The poor guy is sitting alone since so long." "Let's go and sit with him." "I'm sorry, Ramesh should have been back by now." "I don't know..." "He'll come." "If he doesn't come by 1 0, we'll have dinner." "No, we'll wait for him." "We'll dine with him." "He could have called." "Relax Prabha, it's alright." "He'll come." "I'll change the music." "I'll play something new." "You'll like it." "I'll call Desai." "He goes to meet him sometimes." "Even you are talking like Prabha." "No, I'm just feeling a little guilty." "Why?" " You didn't want to come." "But what could I do?" "Prabha insisted so much." "Don't feel guilty." "You've not taken the responsibility of keeping me happy for life." "What if I have?" "That's a huge burden." " You don't have to worry about me." "I am very strong, I'll take all the burden." "It must be Ramesh." "Sandhya, we'll leave immediately after dinner." "Extremely sorry, I got late." "I got stuck in a jam." "Wonder what is happening to Bombay traffic these days." "I can work more than 1 0 hours... but cannot drive for more than 1 0 minutes in this city." "And Sandhya, how are you?" "The lawyer was stuck for two hours fifteen minutes in traffic... that's what he says." "Ofcourse." "My wife believes I did everything." "I dug up the roads, I broke down a car in the middle of the road... and I only organized the traffic jam." "Have the kids gone to sleep?" " Yes." "Want some lentil?" " I'll take it." "Ramesh, I met a friend of yours." " Is it?" "Who?" "I am forgetting the name." "Sandhya, I'd told you about it." "I met her outside office..." " Her?" "Then she cannot be my friend, because I don't have any woman friend." "Sandhya, a man and woman can never be friends." "You are right." " What?" "Nikhil, I never thought you think like that." "Why?" "What is so wrong about my thinking?" "But why, Nikhil?" "Because there is always an excitement between a man and woman." "Specially if the relationship is good." "But friendship?" "That's impossible." "What happened?" "Finished?" " Enough." "You didn't eat anything." " Yes, make her eat." "She doesn't eat well." " See, even Nikhil is saying." "Eat something." "What should I give you?" " Enough, I won't eat more." "Eat!" "You said you were very hungry." " When did she say that?" "Before you came." "Take one more roti." "Don't force someone where food is concerned" "She's not eating anything." "Have another roti, I'll give you some..." "Sandhya is not a stranger in this home." "She can take whatever she wants." "Right Sandhya?" "Prabha please, you answer it." "If it is for me, say I am not at home." "Say I am sleeping, or sick, or dead, say anything." "What happened?" "Come, we'll take a stroll." "...we'll take a stroll." "Come, sit." " Let's walk." "We'll sit for some time." " Come on, let's walk a little." "Why are you upset?" " Sandhya, I'm frightened." "I'm feeling suffocated." "How can two people despite living together give so much pain... hurt each other so much?" "I want to forget them both." "Sandhya, you remember, we had stayed up a whole night... talking." "Somewhere here." "Yes, I remember." "That night, we had prepared a manifesto of our marriage." "We had prepared a big list in which we had decided... that our married life will be totally different... not like thousands of other couples." "Remember?" "And when I returned home, I found mom and dad had stayed up all night... waiting for me." "Sandhya, will you stay up with me tonight?" "All night, talking." "If it was Sunday tomorrow, then." "And it's not Sunday tomorrow." "Come." "Sure?" "You are not happy?" "You are not happy." "When I first came to know I...we are going to have a baby... my first feeling was lots of happiness." "A dancing, laughing, untouched happiness." "And after that?" " After that..." "I began to think about my work, about how I'll get leave... taking care of two kids, and many other such meaningless things." "They are not meaningless Sandhya, they are very important." "Important?" "Such things?" "I felt if anything is important, it is our baby." "Don't you feel like that, Nikhil?" "I don't know what I should say." "Just one word, of happiness." "Anything that expresses you are happy." "I know how happy you were when you came to know about Rashmi." "You remember?" "I don't know what you expect me to say." "But it's obvious I cannot give what you want." "So we'll let this be for now." "But you want to say something." "Tell me!" "I don't think it is right to have another baby now." "Nikhil, you believe in God?" "No." "Whatever there is, it is us." "This is...which means we are orphans." "There is no one to take our responsibility." "Isn't it?" "If you believe in God, everything becomes so easy." "Put the whole blame on him, say it is his fault." "his." "Why is God always a man?" "No, let him be man, let him do some dirty jobs." "His life is over, finish him." "This one is not fit to live, let him die before he is born." "Nikhil, I hate myself." "Know what the truth is?" "The truth is, I am afraid to deliver this baby." "When you have a baby, you cannot be lax." "You have to give him everything." "You cannot break your whole self and give it to him in pieces." "That will be cheap." "You have to give him your whole being... squeezing everything out of yourself to the last drop." "You will not understand this feeling, you won't." "Nikhil, I get the feeling of my cheapness." "I fear that after giving everything I have... will I be left with anything?" "Me?" "My being?" "Maybe nothing." "No, you don't understand." "Nikhil, I feel..." " Sandhya, go to sleep." "You are very upset now." "We'll talk tomorrow." "Go to sleep." "Talk tomorrow?" "What?" "We will have the baby, won't we?" "If you want it." "Now go to sleep." "If I want it?" "Only if I want it?" "Nikhil, you cannot put the whole responsibility on me." "No, that's not right." "Don't think like that." " No, it's not fair." "Take." "Why isn't simple affection enough?" "Why do we make everything complicated?" "Because the world is complicated, that's why." "I will quit my job if Rafiq doesn't give me leave." "I can get a job again anywhere." "Yes, why not." "Ofcourse." "It makes no difference to you." "How easily you can say 'ofcourse'." "It is not the question of your job, it's my job." "You..." "I forgot how much importance a woman's job is given." "It's considered very petty." "Sandhya, you are being very unreasonable." "No, I'm not." "It's a question of our baby's life." "Why don't you help me?" "Make me feel that our baby is most important." "Nothing else is important." "That's not true, Sandhya." "Other things are important too." "And even you know that." "What happened, Sandhya?" " Nothing." "What happened?" "If it's nothing, why are you crying?" "Leave me alone." "Are you alright?" "Shall I leave you alone?" "What happened, dear?" " What is this?" "Mom look what this is?" "I'm coming, dear." "What happened?" "What is this?" " It's a fish." "So big?" " You got scared?" "I'm scared, mom." " Good heavens, you got scared?" "You don't have to be afraid." "Come dear." "You look tired." "Won't you take a bath?" " Yes, in some time." "I'll switch on the geyser." "Want something?" "Do I call you only if I want something?" "Mostly, isn't it?" "This is the best part of the day." "There is so much peace here." "Can you hear it?" "I can hear the waves, or is it your heartbeats?" "What is the matter?" "Sandhya, I want to tell you something." "Tell me." "I am leaving you." "I am leaving, Sandhya." "Why?" " Why?" "I don't know...no, that's cheating;" "I do know." "Sandhya, there's a girl." "There is a girl who I..." "Is that her name?" "Yes." "I don't understand anything." "You are lying." " I am leaving, Sandhya." "I am leaving." "Nikhil, I haven't told you; infact, I never told you since many days." "I love you." "I never felt the need to say it." "I never thought it is necessary to say it." "I.." "I'm bad at expressing my feelings." "But you know I love you, don't you?" " I know." "It's good you know." "There should be no misunderstanding about that." "Continue." "Where did you meet her?" " She works with me." "In the laboratory." "She's a research assistant." "Oh..she?" "I never..." "Nikhil, remember when we had decided to get married?" "Sandhya please!" "Why do you dig old memories?" "They say when life is to end, you remember everything past." "End?" "Nikhil, is everything coming to an end?" "No, na?" "I cannot continue like this anymore." "This double life is killing me." "Know what's happening inside me?" "I cannot live without Vrinda." "How does she look?" "How does she look?" "Vrinda?" " Yes." "Know Sandhya, whenever I see Vrinda..." "I remember someone." "I never think who." "It happens, when you almost remember someone." "But now I realise." "Seeing Vrinda, I think of you." "Of those days when we first met." "Not by her face, but her behavior." "You were so agile." "The memory of those days is so clear in my mind." "You don't even express pain." "You have just build walls all around yourself." "Not a crack." "How can I reach you?" "No, I am not blaming you." "I am not even trying to say anything in my defence." "I am just trying to say that..." "What am I trying to say?" "I...why...what is the point in saying anything now?" "It was a beautiful day today." "Early morning, I'd walked to the sea." "Gradually, the sea turned to molten silver." "I heard the waves, and also the silence around." "I was alone, yet I was not alone." "You were with me." "I was happy." "I.." "I told myself I am happy." "Know when I was a child, my grandma would always say... don't laugh so much, or you'll start crying as the day ends." "Where are you planning to go?" "For now, there is a conference of one week." "I'm going there." "And Vrinda is going with you?" "Yes." "After that?" "I don't know...." "I don't know where I'll go, where I'll stay." "I don't know Sandhya, and I don't care." "Please Sandhya, don't make fun of my emotions like that." "You never told me." "If I had, would you be able to take it?" "So it is all my mistake?" "No, not at all, you are an ideal wife." "When hungry, you give food;" "when thirsty, you give water." "And when I need sex, you..." "But you never heard my voice." "And you?" "Did you hear my voice?" "Did you?" "You say I have arrested my feelings within walls." "Would I have been able to save myself otherwise?" "Did you think about my hunger?" "Did you think about my feelings?" "Forget all that now." "Is this a marriage, where we cannot even hear each other's voice?" "Are we not suffering enough anyway that we hurt each other more?" "Nikhil, please say this is not true." "Tell me you are not leaving me." "Sandhya please!" "Why are you doing this?" "Sit." "You and Rashmi...there won't be any change in your lives." "Everything will continue as it was." "You will live here." "This will be your home." "There won't be any change." "Everything will continue as it was." "Rashmi will stay with you." "She'll be fine with you." "Believe me, I know." "You got to believe me." "Everything will continue as it was, only I won't be there." "Only...only a marriage of nine years will break just like that." "Only you won't be there." "I always knew I love you much more than you love me." "Weighing feelings like that is crazy, Sandhya." "Even I love you." "I have loved you in my own way, you have loved in your way." "What about her?" "Sandhya, forget it." "Since when?" " Forget it, Sandhya." "Since when?" "Since almost a year." "I must leave." "Right now?" "I cannot stay any longer." "I thought I'll stay a week more... but..." "I must leave now." "Don't leave me." " Sandhya, try to understand." "Try to understand." "How can we stay now?" "It will be cheating Vrinda." "How can I stay here?" "Give me some time." "How can we stay together now?" "We'll rip each other apart." "We'll shatter ourselves." "All roads are closed, there is no other way." "Will you come back?" " No, I will not come back." "Will you write?" " I will not write." "You are not leaving anything with me, you are taking everything." "Won't you even leave me with hope?" "Sandhya, don't do this, I cannot bear it, you know that." "You will have to bear it!" "Why should you be protected?" "Why should I let you save yourself?" "See Nikhil, see my pain." "You will have to see me sighing in pain." "Sandhya, Nikhil here." "Sandhya, I know you are over there." "Sandhya, how is Rashmi?" "Sandhya, I want to talk to you." "Come...sleep." "Sorry, Sandhya has not come yet." "Hello...hold on, Sandhya has come." "Sandhya, call for you." "Take it in Rao's room." "Sandhya, Nikhil here." "Sandhya, I want to meet you." "Our meeting is very necessary." "Nikhil, please don't call me again." " Sandhya, listen..." "I've come to meet Prabha." " Sit, I'll call her." "What name should I say?" "Prabha talks so much about you, that I was dying to meet you." "I'm Shama, Prabha's partner." "How are you?" " I'm fine." "Sit." "It's all thanks to Shama." "You've never come here before, not even for the opening." "You know, Prabha." "So when she suggested we start a boutique in partnership, I agreed." "You know Ramesh, he was totally against it." "I didn't take his help." "I put in all my savings and started this." "It's doing well." "Will you have coffee?" "Actually, we were going out." "Thanks Shama." "Let's go home, we'll sit and talk peacefully." "Don't look at the time, get up." "You have become fat." "Come on girls, go inside." "Aunty and I want to talk." "Go." "So?" "What do you want to say?" "It's Nikhil's message." "Why don't you talk to him on the phone?" "What did he say?" " Just that you refuse to talk to him." "You disconnect when he calls." "So I should give you his message." "Prabha, he had said he will not write to me, not even call me." "He had said that." "I felt he was cutting me off totally." "But I gradually learnt to live without him." "And then he started these telephone calls." "He didn't think of my state." "He said he wants to talk to Rashmi." "His little talks, the waiting for his call." "I got so linked with that small link..." "I mean, I started making my day's programme around his call." "His calls became my weakness... and that's when I realized this is not right for me." "So I told him not to call me." "But he refuses to understand." "Anyway, what is the message?" "He is coming to meet you Friday evening." "Maybe he wants to come back." " Maybe he wants to come back!" "You are just talking like mom now." "Sandhya, it's possible." "It happens in life." "People leave for some days." "Nikhil has left me and gone." "Can't you understand that?" "Nikhil has left me and gone." "He will never come back." "Never!" "What do you think?" "I don't hope for that to happen?" "Don't I wish he comes back?" "But I want to crush that hope." "I want to bury it so deep, it never rises." "What has that hope given me after all?" "Disappointment, pain." " Why do you think like that?" "Maybe he is really thinking of coming back." "Why are you trying to give me false hopes?" "You know the truth, and even I do." "There is one more truth, Sandhya." "A lone woman's truth." "So what do you want?" "I handcuff Nikhil and keep him with me... because I need a guard?" "A male guard?" "Okay, but atleast don't let him go so easily." "All the years that you have lived with him, all that you have given him... given that home, let him pay for all that." "What happened?" "Nothing." "I was thinking." "I saw her." " Who?" "Vrinda?" "Yes." "A few days after Nikhil left." "I was waiting for a cab when I saw them both." "I first saw Nikhil." "Then I saw her." "Nikhil had engulfed her in his arms." "How does she look?" "No, don't tell me if..." "No..." "I could not see her." "I wanted to see her." "They say a man going to the gallows is not shown the executioner's face." "But I wanted to see." "I started following them like a spy." "Now when I think I feel even if I'd confronted them,... it wouldn't make a difference." "They were so lost in each other." "They went to a restaurant, and that's when I saw her face." "She loves Nikhil." "I am not good at hating." "I tried to fill myself with hatred." "She is the one who broke my home, broke my marriage." "How much I told myself that I should hate her... but she was a girl lost in love, frightened." "Frightened?" "When you love too much, you are very frightened." "Yes." "And Nikhil?" "She went out after a while." "And Nikhil looked absolute cold, like she was not there." "Like Vrinda had taken her existence along with her." "And then he picked up Vrinda's purse and started touching it..." "like he wanted some contact with Vrinda." "I felt as if I had seen them in bed together." "I could not take it." "Yes...no, I came home." "I am fine." "Sandhya had come, I came home with her." "Yes, only Sandhya." "Want to talk to her?" "Sandhya, if he talks of divorce, will you agree?" ""lf together were..."" ""you and me"" ""Why did we separate?"" ""Let us live again..."" ""forgetting everything"" "How are you?" "I'm fine." "You have reduced." " Yes." "You're dieting?" " My burden has increased." "Come." "Vasu is no more." "You know?" " Yes, I read it." "He was a nice man." "So you are the boss now." "Yes, where work pressure is concerned." "Rafiq is bringing in someone else." "My burden will lessen then." "Where is Rashmi?" " She's gone to mom's place." "Punishing me?" "This is for her." "Sit." "Will you have coffee?" "Yes?" "Where is the towel?" " It's there." "Found it?" " Yes, thanks." "It feels good." "How was Delhi?" " Okay." "And your work?" " Okay." "Thank you very much for giving me so much information." "You tell me what you want to hear." "The truth." "Truth?" "Okay, let's play the game of truth." "I am fed up of Delhi." "I crave to return to Bombay." "I hate the institute." "It's full of bureaucrats and politicians." "And my home is worth seeing." "It's a BDA flat." "Wonder how many tenants have lived there before me... and all of them have left their mark behind." "Some on the walls, some on the floor, some on the furniture." "And Vrinda." "Totally raw where running a home is concerned." "I even cook my breakfast myself now." "I go to the bazaar, I buy vegetables." "Lady finger, potato, onion, brinjal, I know the prices of all." "Even my buttons..." " Give, I'll stitch..." "Go to hell!" "Why should I stitch?" "You stitch it." "I'll stitch it." "You told me to tell you the truth, so I did." "Actually, I like doing all my work myself." "When I was with you, I was totally dependent on you." "And you used to think I am enjoying it." "You used to enjoy it." " No Nikhil..." "Don't deny it." "The more helpless man is, the more powerful the woman feels." "Not me." "I never wanted such power." "If I have done anything for you, it's only because..." "It was your duty." "You don't know anything about me." "Not a single thing, not a bit." "Stop taunting me, I am not your slave now." "I am not bound to listen, tolerate, anything now." "What happened?" " Even Vrinda says that." "Only, she says, she is not YET bound to tolerate anything." "Sandhya, what is it in me that... that she has changed?" "How?" " Vrinda has changed." "I cannot place my finger on one particular thing." "She is the same with everyone else." "She has many friends." "She knows all neighbours." "I don't know anyone." "Have you come to ask for divorce?" "You must be hating me." "And Vrinda too." "I was telling Vrinda that day, I am not good at hating." "No, I don't hate Vrinda either." "What is filled in me, what is killing me... is a pain, a terrible pain." "The feeling of losing someone forever." "Like losing your baby." "Where did I go wrong, Nikhil?" "Sometimes I feel that if I get an answer to this one question..." "I will compromise with my situation." "For now, day and night, I just keep..." "What happened?" "Sandhya, how is it?" " It's okay." "I used to love these things in childhood." "Like all the secrets of women were hidden in this." "Maybe because there were no women in my home." "There was mom, but she was very simple." "I don't think she even used powder." "When you used to use these things, I used to find it very strange." "Like a mask on the face..." "With my doing make-up?" "I used to like you best when you were without make-up." "However greasy your face, and however ruffled your hair... and however creased your clothes." "And when you came out after a bath, all fresh." "You never told me this before." "If I'd told you, would you be able to hear it?" "Our togetherness was filled with so many voices from outside." "Vrinda and you, can you hear each other?" "I don't know." "Yet you'll marry her?" "It is good for you too, Sandhya." "Even you will become free." "You will be able to marry again." "You will marry again, won't you?" "Look carefully, Nikhil." "Can you see?" "The wounds of our marriage have not healed yet." "They still bleed." "And you are talking of another marriage." "Think of Vrinda." "Her state..." "how she must be feeling." "It's not fair on her." "She is so weak." "And I am not." "And I am strong." "I will bear anything, handle anything, right?" "We can try again." "Why can't our marriage work?" "Millions of people make it work." "Why can't we?" "There was so much between us." "There is so much between us." "We..." "Will we allow it all to get ruined?" "Nikhil, let me speak once." "We are together yet." "We are!" "Don't you feel so?" "Have you thought about Rashmi?" "She is so confused." "Nikhil, she needs you." "I cannot handle her." "I cannot answer her questions." "Nikhil please!" "So many years..." "our life... don't...don't destroy it." "Why are you behaving like this... that you want to destroy everything for no reason?" "Nikhil, don't do this." "Once...just give me one more chance." "This time...we will be happy." "Cracks can be filled, Nikhil." "Everything is over." "Nikhil, remember how much we'd argued over how our marriage should happen?" "You wanted a registered marriage, and I wanted a traditional one." "With all the rituals." "I used to think these rituals are very beautiful." "They are very meaningful, and we will remember them all our lives." "And you had given in." "It's strange." "I don't remember those rituals now." "I only remember that moment when our ancestors names were being chanted... and how our families were being united." "It was like two huge rivers merging." "I was thinking then that this is the beginning." "And I had looked towards you, to quietly share my feelings with you." "But you were somewhere else, lost in your own world." "I don't know why I am thinking of all this today." "Nikhil, tell your Vrinda I won't be a hurdle in her way." "I will divorce you." "My lawyer says there won't be problems in a mutual consent divorce." "And since there is no discord over property..." "I will just have to make a list of things... which belong to me, and which belong to us... and which have to be divided." "Nikhil, what is mine, and what is yours in this house?" "How can we divide the happiness we shared together?" "Our memories, our dreams, our children... how will we divide them?" "And the bitterness and pain that have arose in the last one year... to whom will those go to?" "My lawyer will write to you, and you will get divorce... as fast as you want." "Where are you calling from?" "...From below the office?" "What are you doing here?" "Now?" "..." "Okay, but I have only half an hour." "Come." "Madam, someone has come to meet you." "Vijay, you go, I'll lock up." " Okay." "Sit." "Yes, like you see." "I have to edit this manuscript  send it for type setting." "Anyway, what are you doing here?" "I have come to meet you, is that not obvious?" "But we were going to meet tomorrow." "I know." " Then?" "Do I need written permission to come to your office?" "I came to meet you, and you say you are busy." "What is this?" "Honestly Nikhil, I am not in a state to meet you today." "I thought we will meet in court tomorrow." "What I will wear, how I will behave, what I will say..." "I had decided it all." "And then, mom was saying..." "How did she take it?" " Who?" "Mom?" "In the beginning, she was totally against it." "She would get very upset hearing about divorce." "And then, she suddenly changed." "She said I must get through with it soon... so that she can get me married again." "And you know Nikhil, she has been secretly preparing... a list of eligible bachelors." "And I am aware of it." "If I become very desperate, I'll choose someone." "That won't be necessary, there'll be a queue waiting for you." "What nonsense are you talking?" "Really." "A beautiful, sensible and...successful woman like you..." "Nikhil, I have worked very hard." "Anyway, will you have coffee?" "Here?" " Yes." "There is arrangement." "Okay." "Sandhya, I was thinking, we'll go out today, dine out." "No, not today." " Why?" "How can an ideal mother break her daughter's heart?" "I know what you are trying." "You are trying to make me feel guilty." "Are you prepared for tomorrow?" "Divorce by mutual consent." "Divorce by mutual consent." "How easy it sounds." "It seems like there is no problem." "We'll both will happily go to court  happily return after getting divorce." "There is just one problem." "That both must agree." "What do you mean?" "What if I don't agree?" "I knew it!" "I knew something like that will happen." "Like always, you know everything." "No Nikhil, I know you." "When my lawyer said I must prepare a list..." "Sandhya, you know I never cared for things." "Just give me my books, rest all is yours." "Why should I take it?" "I don't want your generosity." "Sandhya, forget all this, that this is yours, this is mine." "Why don't we begin again what is ours?" "What was ours." "Why don't we connect everything again?" "What are you talking?" "I cannot do anything that will cut me off from you." "That will end our life of togetherness." "End." "No." "Sandhya, I cannot do anything that will make us strangers forever." "Nikhil, the day you left me for Vrinda... you made me a stranger that day." "And you know that." "What about her?" " Does she know?" "She doesn't even know I am here." "She is afraid of you." "Sandhya, Vrinda is afraid of you." "She has made me promise I will never meet you alone." "I won't tell her I had come here." "That will be cheating." "What?" "Lying?" "Sandhya, I think in our relationship... we had a problem of excessive honesty." "There was no space between us." "There is an empty space between me and Vrinda... which we fill with lies, and half truths... in different parts." "So even we will live like that if we get together?" "I don't know Sandhya, I don't have theories for us." "Remember I had recited a poem to you?" " Which one?" "You never say anything about her." "Vrinda is lost in astrology these days." "All day long, she keeps looking at the horoscope... and seeks the future through planets." "And what do your planets say?" "She doesn't tell me, she is just always depressed." "She is young." "I feel she will be happier without me." "I feel there is someone else in her life." "Someone young." "Sandhya, why didn't you stop me?" "Why did you let me go so easily?" "I did try." "I tried real hard." "But I could not humiliate myself." "You said we cannot live together now." "Those words kept echoing in my ears." "Sleeping, awake, day, night, that is all I could hear." "I felt I will go mad." "And then suddenly I realized, God, I'm free!" "I'm free." "Not free from you, or from our marriage... but free from all the mess that had developed between us." "Hatred, pain, fear." "The fear of annoying you, the fear of displeasing you." "You had spoken the truth." " Why is it the truth?" "Why is it the truth?" "We are humans." "We can give a new shape to our lives." "We can do what we please." "We can connect again if we wish." "After you left, I used to always dream... that when you come back to me, what will I do?" "Shakuntala had gone back to Dushyant." "I used to feel pained with the fact that she bowed down." "I am over 30, I have a daughter." "Nothing else." "No, we cannot..." " Why not, Sandhya?" "Why can't we get together again?" "You are always with me, Sandhya." "Always." "With me and Vrinda." "Listen, I cannot be free from you." "I am connected to you, tied to you." "I'll leave you, go with Vrinda... and even if I don't meet you ever, I will always be connected with you." "I'll be connected to you." "Nikhil, I am very scared." "I cannot go through that all over again." "I have tolerated enough." "I won't be able to take it." "I thought I was free." "You are free." "And this is of her last birthday party." "Who is he?" " A friend, my friend." "Did Rashmi miss me on her birthday?" "You thought she will forget you so soon?" "She wasn't going for her class picnic too today." "She said she will go to meet papa." "She thought you will leave without meeting her." "I told her you won't leave so soon." "Keep these." "They are for you." "You look very happy." "Getting married?" "There can only be a man behind a woman's happiness, isn't it?" "Is it true?" " Maybe." "Who is he?" "The one Rashmi was feeding in the picture?" "Who is he?" " He's Rafiq's cousin." "He wants to marry me." "He loves me very much." "Then why don't you?" "I don't think I can give him all that he will lose marrying me." "Do you love him?" "Do you love him?" " I don't know." "You cannot decide." " No, I like him." "Very much." "He is a very good human." "But I cannot love him." "But I like him." "Know why I like to be in such a situation?" "I feel there is no danger." "No one can hurt me, or give me pain." "I'm safe." "With you I was..." "I was...defenseless." "Sandhya..." "I had forgotten how beautiful you are." "You are very beautiful." "Come on, let's get married again in our next lives." "Who are you deceiving?" "Neither do you believe in next life, nor I." "One life with you was enough for me." "But you could not give me even that." "How is Vrinda?" " She is in America." "She got married." "I'd told you." "Yes, you had written to me." "Is she happy?" "I don't know." "It's strange, man has done so much, made so much progress... but he still does not know about personal relationships." "Take us for example." "...How was Australia?" "You know, I used to see big dreams in childhood." "I will be very famous, I will get the Nobel prize." "I'll go on stage, the spotlight will be on me." "And the whole hall will ring with applause." "Everyone sees big dreams in childhood." " No, it was very serious for me." "I grew up, and my dream stayed." "And suddenly, that dream died." "And with it, even I began to die." "Then I got the offer from Australia." "And after working with Dr.Fraser for four years..." "I became alive again." "It's obvious." "Know what shook me up?" "I read somewhere that of the three astronauts who landed on moon... one had a nervous breakdown." "Know why?" " Why?" "Because his was not the first step to land on moon, it was his colleague's." "See what ambition does to you." "So what must man do?" "Not have ambition at all?" "No, he must have ambition, but he must keep a control over it." "He must not lose his semblance." "Have you heard a professional singer?" "He takes his notes higher and higher... to a point where one feels, his tone will break... but then he suddenly brings his notes into control." "And holds on to the notes, in full control." "Where are you lost?" " You remember our last anniversary?" "Which one?" " Our last one." "Yes, I do." "Remember Arvind and Geeta had brought a guest with them?" "Arvind's nephew, his name was Rahul." "He was a singer." " I remember." "What is this?" "You are taking revenge from me after so many years?" "No, it's true." "Why are you telling me this now?" " I don't know." "You spoke of singers and I suddenly remembered him." "When did this happen?" " A few days after the party." "When we were together?" "You fell in love with him?" "No, it was nothing like that on my side." "He was crazy about me." "I don't believe it." "I don't believe you." "You are punishing me for what I did to you." "You know me very well, Nikhil." " No Sandhya, I don't know you." "I don't know you at all." "If I wanted to punish you, I would punish you then... when you left me." "Why didn't you tell me before?" " Because he wasn't important for me." "Not important at all." "It was not important?" "It wasn't important for you?" "I'll never forgive you." "For so many years you made me feel only I was guilty." "Only me." "I kept carrying the burden of guilt." "I've been ripped apart." "And you say it wasn't important?" " Nikhil, try to understand me." "For me, our marriage was most important." "Nikhil, believe me, our marriage was important for me." "It wasn't like you to whom it didn't matter." "You broke it so easily." "For me, our life together was very important." "So I left Rahul." "It was just for a month or two, but he didn't mean anything to me." "He meant nothing to me." "You will have to listen." "Okay tell me, what do you want to say?" "Remember, we had come to the beach like that one day?" "Many years ago, before our marriage." "That evening, you were shouting out my name." "Shouting, in all directness." "Remember?" "You'd said you want to tell the world my name." "You want to declare your love." "And after that, after Vrinda, you said, everything is over." "Remember?" "You said you cannot live with me." "That you cannot even bear my company." "Which was true among the two?" "What difference does it make now?" " Tell me, Nikhil!" "What was true?" "Both were true." "Both?" "Okay, I accept." "Can't you accept... that maybe I had an affair with Rahul, but I loved you?" "He didn't mean anything to me." "Do you know what you have done?" "In our worse days too, for me, we were one." "Our marriage was broken, but for me, we were a family." "Rashmi, you and me." "I had a picture of us three inside me... which had a completeness about it." "Who no one could touch." "You destroyed everything." " I did?" "I destroyed that picture, Nikhil?" "You cannot be so blind to say that." "You destroyed that picture, Nikhil." "You!" " Sandhya, atleast I was honest." "Honest?" "Even I was honest." "Even I was honest." "I loved you." "And wanted to spend my life with you." "And for this feeling, I was totally honest." "That baby...that baby..." " What about it?" "Whose baby was he?" "Whose baby was he?" "That baby was ours, Nikhil." "Believe me, that baby was ours." "Yours, and mine." "It was ours." "Listen Nikhil." "Enough Sandhya, not another word." "Nothing more." "When I was young, we used to come to live near the sea for a few days." "My papa was alive then." "He would go every morning to walk on the beach." "It was a matter of pride when he'd sometimes ask me to come with him." "I still remember him." "Tall, thin, very serious." "He would walk with long strides." "He would never walk slow for me." "And even if I got left behind, he would not turn back and look." "And I would always strive to walk with him." "I used to very much feel like stopping and playing in the sand... prancing, watching the small creatures in the water." "Watching the crabs coming out of holes." "But I did no such thing." "I was always trying to be in step with him." "But when I used to look behind, I would see our footprints." "Mine and papa's, together." "And I used to feel so proud seeing them." "But when we came back on that path and I looked for those prints... the sea had already wiped them." "There would be nothing left." "Nothing at all." "What happened between us?" "Where did we go wrong?" "Looks like it's going to rain." "It looks so beautiful." "Shall we go inside?" ""lf together were..."" ""you and me." ""Why did we separate?"" ""Let us live again..."" ""forgetting everything""