"So honey this uh, this threesome thing umm, I mean how- how are you gonna start to find¡¦" "Ooh, actually I've been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!" "Oh." "Wow!" "Huh." "Boy!" "Well, someone's been doing their homework." "Yeah." "Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so¡¦" "Oh, I know." "Y'know, just- just talking about it is getting me kinda¡¦" "Oh, me too." "Yeah?" "Well, I" " I think Ben's asleep." "Oh umm, y'know I think it would be better if we just save it." "Yeah." "Right." "Save it." "I can do that." "Hey, Pheebs!" "Hey." "Hey, how's it going?" "Well, I've got to get out of this bed, I'm going crazy here." "Crazy!" "Here you go sweetie." "What the hell is this, herbal tea?" "I hate herbal tea!" "But, I put some honey in it." "She doesn't know she was fired yet, does she?" "No, the doctors say it may kill her." "What are you two girls whispering about over there?" "But I think we should tell her." "Ohh, I mean it's just so realistic!" "I know." "Yeah, his name is Pat." "Pat the dog." "Oh!" "Oh!" "I get it!" "Do you uh, do you?" "ready for a refill?" "Oh, I probably shouldn't?" "so I will!" "Oh!" "Wow!" "It's like it's raining!" "Pretty cool, huh?" "But if you're thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldn't get sucked up into the mechanism, well you'd be wrong." "Umm, can I use your bathroom?" "It's uh, right through there." "Okay." "God y'know, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbiani's apartment¡¦" "Yeah, life's pretty great isn't it?" "Yeah, it sure is!" "I hope you're hungry, we're starting with oysters." "And y'know what they say about oysters, don't you?" "They have parasites?" "No!" "Umm well, some people say that Oysters are an aphrodisiac." "What people?" "People!" "People say it!" "Come here!" "So oysters, huh?" "And then we're gonna have a little Middle Eastern cous- cous." "Something we can eat," " with our hands." "Y'know, it's funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases¡¦" "No- no- no, no!" "It's sensual!" "Ohh!" "Didn't know!" "Okay!" " Okay!" "Ohhh no!" "I'm sorry sweetie, it's the hospital." "The food looks great, maybe save me some?" "I can't promise anything." "We're really gonna do this, huh?" "Looks like it." "Y'know, if, if this is too weird for you, we can still back out at¡¦" "I got it!" " Okay." "Susan!" "Hi!" " Hey!" "Thank you so much for coming." "Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world." "I'm" " I'm Ross by the way." "Hello Ross." "I love what you've done with this space." "Thank you so much." "How hot is this?" "I'm sorry you're here with me instead of Roger." "Yeah, me too." "Well, I could make it seem like he's here." ""Here's some little known facts about cous- cous." "They didn't add the second cous until 1979."" "Stop it!" "That's not funny!" "Okay." "I'm sorry, okay?" "It just tonight was supposed to be y'know, it was supposed to be a big deal." "What was tonight?" "You don't want to know what tonight was." "Okay." "What was tonight?" "Well, tonight was..was going to be my first time." "With Roger?" "Not just with Roger?" "Oh my God!" "All right relax Mr. I've Had Sex Four Times!" "Four different women!" "I've had sex way more times!" "How many?" "Nine." "I was just waiting for the perfect guy." "Well good, good for you." "You really think that Roger is the perfect guy?" "No." "He's not a horrible guy." "Hey that's what I tell girls about me." "Chandler, I'm gonna die a virgin!" "No you are not!" "You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you." "Oh really?" "When?" "Do you wanna do it with me?" "Okay." "I was kidding." "So was I." "Joey, you're such an amazing actor!" "How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?" "Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say." "And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own." "Wow!" "Tell me something Joey.." "Whoa!" "I just fell right off the couch there." "Yeah you did." "Okay." "Here you go." "Let me ask you a question." "Yeah?" "When was the last time someone told you just how beautiful you are?" "Wow!" "I can't, I can't feel my hands." "Come, come here." "Chandler:" "We can't do this." "No!" "Oyster?" " Yeah!" "If- if- if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, y'know?" "Because you've been waiting a very long time and I wouldn't want to disappoint you." "Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too." "So even if you're horrible, how would I know?" "I do like that." "It's harder for me!" "I have those four other women to compete with!" "Well, if it helps there were only three." "So it would just be for tonight, right?" "Absolutely!" "It would just be one friend helping out another friend." "Stop it!" "We're doing this!" "Let's do it!" "Noo!" "Okay!" " Okay!" "Umm, do you have any uhh, moves?" "I have some moves." "I have no moves." "Okay, whatcha doin' there?" "Oh y'know what?" "I'm sorry, this is just too weird." "Yeah, let's just forget it." "What if I turn out the lights?" "Okay!" "Oh yeah." "Chandler?" "Yeah?" "That's the couch." "Oh my God!" "I know!" "I'll tell you something, we are gonna do that again!" "Oh, okay!" "Morning!" "Oh right." "Yeah." "Oh God." "Oh I can't believe Joey Tribbiani heard me throw up!" "Well he actually saw you a little bit too." "Noo!" "Oh God we did?" "we didn't, we didn't uhh¡¦" "No!" "No!" "No, not after seeing that." "God I'm just a horrible person." "Wh- why?" "Because I'm married." "That's right, I am a married woman!" "And I came to a TV star's apartment to have an affair!" "Uck!" "That's ridiculous!" "I'm not a "Star," just a regular famous actor." "Yeah and I'm a horrible, horrible person." "Rachel, would you stop saying that?" "Hey- hey look, remember on the show when- when Caprice was dying and she gave me¡¦" "The ring from the cave, yeah." "Wow!" "Uh okay, well uh¡¦" "Oh my God, they let you keep that stuff?" "Sure!" "As long as they don't find out you can keep whatever you want!" "And I want you to have it." "No!" "No- no- no¡¦" "Yes!" "Yes!" "And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person." "Okay, you've had the chance to cheat, and.." "with me, but you didn't." "And that's what this ring stands for." "But I thought that ring stood for Caprice's undying love for her brother." "Look, do you want the ring or not?" "Yeah!" "Hey!" "Hey!" " Look at you!" "You're up!" " All right!" "I thought I'd try to take a walk." "Would you pour me some water?" "I'll be back soon." "Whoa- whoa- whoa!" "You're not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya?" "No." "I've learned my lesson." "Let's go!" "Come on!" "Move it!" "Come on!" "Shoes!" "Briefcase!" "Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder." "Hey Joe did¡¦ Did you ever have a threesome?" "Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carol's great and I'm sure you're a very attractive man, but I¡¦." "No!" "The reason I'm asking is that¡¦ I sorta had one last night." "You?" " Yeah!" "Wow!" "Yeah!" "All right!" "So, was it amazing?" "It was, it was okay." "Just okay?" "Did you do it right?" "Look, it's just did, did you ever go to a party and think,"Would really anyone miss me if I weren't here?"" "Huh." "But still Ross, you're worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day!" "Y'know what I mean?" "Oh- oh, absolutely!" "It's just, my part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then, and then there was a lot of waiting around." "But you got to be with both of them, right?" "Not- not really." "Th- th- there was just Carol." "Not the other one?" " No, she kept kicking me away!" "Yeah, you don't want that. / No!" "Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right?" " Oh I a lot of stuff!" "You got a little bored?" " A little." "Yeah." "I made a snack." "Yeah?" "What did ya have?" "Just a sandwich." "Turkey, a little mustard¡¦" "Sounds good. / It really was!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night!" "Oh no wait a minute that was you!" "Hey, check me out, I'm a slut!" "So you uh, want to do something tonight?" "Oh I can't." "Dr. Roger is coming over again." "Oh." "Oh right!" "Right!" "Because you're still seeing him and uh, he's a good guy." "I mean, I remember a time when¡¦" "Are you okay?" "Yeah!" "Totally!" "Totally, and you?" "Great!" "It's so amazing!" "I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you I'm all like," ""Can the doctor see me now?"" "I bet he can." "Y'know, I don't have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical." "Are you sure you're okay?" "Oh yeah!" "Yeah!" "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine!" "Ohh!" "My God!" "Barry!" "You- you- you said you were gonna be away all weekend!" "Oh that's right!" "I'm sorry!" "I" " I am early!" "Finish!" "Please!" "Surprise!" "Look who's back!" "Hey Pheebs!" " Hey!" "Call security." "Pheebs, didn't you get fired?" "Uh, I don't think so!" "Phoebe?" "Jack!" "Hey!" "What are you doing here?" "All better!" "Back to work!" "Except this clown from research told me I was fired." "He should do his research, huh?" "Well, you were fired." "Nu- uh!" "I told that guy who answered your phone." "Oh, okay I didn't get that message." "So this doesn't count?" "Anyway, I'll be in my office." "Uh, Phoebe you- you don't have an office." "That's all right, I'll work here." "This is goo, next to this plant." "Phoebe, listen¡¦" "You're in my office!" "Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company!" "Okay?" "I am talking big bucks!" "Pesos!" "Yen!" "Rubles!" "You make one little mistake¡¦" "You lost 13 million dollars." "Oh, so this is all about money!" "Y'know it's bad enough that.." "Ow!" "Oh, you have got to be kidding!" "Are you all right?" "I'm having another heart attack!" "What?" "I'm having another heart attack!" "Call 9- 1- 1!" "Take it easy." "Dumbass!" "Hey Pheebs!" "How's it going?" "Well, they fired me and I'm having heart attack." "Wow!" "Well, welcome back!" " Yeah." "Hi Ross!" " Hey Rachel." "Is Joey Tribbiani here?" "Umm, no." "Well, if you see him, will you please tell him that I'm looking for him and that this I am not gonna throw up!" "Are you okay?" "Me?" "I'm great!" "I'm fine!" "I'm sooo good!" "But, you know who's not great?" "Men!" "You're a man right Ross?" "Yeah." "Sit down!" " Okay." "Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?" "And why is it that the second we tell you we're going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbor's dog walker?" "We're sorry." "No seriously!" "Seriously!" "What has happened to the sanctity of marriage?" "Didn't you spend last night at Joey's?" "Aw what are you?" "A detective?" "Look I" " I don't know what's going on with you and your husband and what is hopefully an adult dog walker, look can I just say not all men are like that." "Oh. / Hey!" "There are some men who will do whatever it takes to make their marriage work!" "Okay?" "There are some men who will stand by and- and watch as their wives engage in- in what only can be described as a twosome with some- some woman she barely knows from the gym!" "Who are these men?" "Men." "I guy I know." "Well, you might want to tell him it sounds like his wife is gay." "She is not¡¦" "She's gay." "Oh my God." "She is so gay!" "I can't believe this." "Good day for married people huh?" "I'm sorry your husband cheated on you." "I'm sorry your wife is gay." "I guess women aren't that great either." "Try telling my wife that." "Okay to come in?" "Yeah, come on, eat, whatever you want." "Dr. Roger got beeped again." "Yeah I know, guess who beeped him?" "What?" "I'm the ruptured spleen." "Why would you do that?" "Because you shouldn't be with him." "You should be with me." "Really?" "Yeah!" "When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me!" "Look, things like last night they don't just happen." "Y'know?" "Or at least not to me." "Or with the other two women, in the morning y'know I was just lying there and I couldn't wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you" "I always y'know with a friend." "Chandler!" "I know you probably don't want to go out with me, y'know because I make too many jokes and I've never been in a serious relationship and I guess I'm not technically a "doctor¡¦"" "There was just one woman, wasn't there?" "No, there were two." "Including me?" "Oh yeah." "It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see¡¦" "One of them won't do it, but the second one will set you free¡¦" "Tell all your hate and anger, it's time to say good- bye¡¦" "And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die!" "La, la- la- la, la- la- la- la, la- la- la, la- la- la¡¦¡¦"