"Chapter One Once Upon a Time... in Nazi Occupied France" "Go back inside and shut the door" "Julie, get some water from the pump to wash up with then get inside with your mother." "Ready Papa" "Thank you darling, now go inside and take care of your mother." "Don't run." "Is this the property of Perrier LaPadite?" "I am Perrier LaPadite" "It is a pleasure to meet you Monsieur LaPadite, I am Colenel Hans Landa of the S.S." "How may I help you?" "I was hoping you could invite me inside your home and we may have a discussion." "Certainly, after you." "Colenel Landa, this is my family." "Colonel Hans Landa of the S.S. madame, at your service." "Please excuse my rude intrusion on your routine." "The rumors I have heard in the village about your family are all true." "Each of your daughters is more lovely then the last." "Thank you." "Please have a seat." "Susane, would you be so good as to get the Colonel some wine?" "Ah, no." "Thank you Monsieur LaPadite, but no wine." "This being a dairy farm one would be safe in assuming you have milk?" "Yes." "Then milk is what I prefer." "Very well." "Please shut the window." "Thank you." "Monsieur, to both your family, and your cows, I say:" "Bravo." "Thank you." "Please, join me at your table." "Very well." "Monsieur LaPadite, what we have to discuss, would be better discussed in private." "You'll notice, I left my men outdoors." "If it wouldn't offend them, could you ask your lovely ladies to step outside?" "You are right." "Charlotte, would you take the girls outside." "The Colonel and I need to have a few words." "Monsieur LaPadite," "I regret to inform you I've exhausted the extent of my French." "To continue to speak it so inadequatel, would only serve to embarrass me." "However, I've been lead to belive you speak English quite well?" "Yes." "Well, it just so happens, I do as well..." "This being your house, I ask your permission to switch to English, for the remainder of the conversation." "Certainly." "Monsieur LaPadite,  I thank you for the milk   and your hospitality..." "I do believe our business here is done." "Madmoiselle LaPadite!" "I thank you for your time." "We shant be bothering your family any longer." "So, Monsieur..." "Mademousielles." "I bid you adieu." "Chapter Two INGLORIOUS BASTERDS" "I have heard the rumors myself." "Solders of the Third reich, who have brought the world to their knee's." "Now pecking and clucking like chickens." "Do you know the latest rumor?" "The one that beats my boys with a bat." "The one called "The Bear Jew" is a golem." "Mine Fuher, this is just soldiers gossip, no one really believes the Bear Jew is a golem." "Why not?" "They seem to be able to elude capture like an aberration." "They seem to be able to appear and disappear at will." "You want to prove their flesh and blood?" "Then BRING THEM TO ME!" "I will hang them naked, by their heels from the eiffel tower!" "And then throw their bodies... in the swers, for the rats of Paris to feast!" "Kilest!" "Yes, mine Fuhrer." "I have an order I want relayed to all German soldierds stationed in France." "The jew degenerate known as "the Bear Jew"" "is never to be referred to as The Bear Jew again." "Yes mine Fuhrer." "Do you still wish to see Private Butz?" "Who and what is a private Butz?" "He's the soldier you wanted to see personally." "His squad was ambushed by Lt. Raines Jews." "He was it's only survivor." "Indeed I do want to see him..." "Thank you for reminding me." "Send him in." "So tell me exactly how you got away." "Werner and I were the only ones left alive after the ambush." "While one man guarded us, the rest removed the hair." "Hugo Stiglitz" "How did you survive this ordeal?" "They let me go." "You are not to tell anybody anything!" "Your outfit was ambushed." "And you managed to get away." "Not one word more." "Yes mine Fuhrer." "Did they mark you like they did the other survivors?" "Yes mine Fuhrer." "Chapter Three" "German Night In Paris" ""GERMAN NIGHT LENI REFENSHTAL in PAST WHITE HELL OF PIZA PALU"" "What starts tomorrow?" "A Max Linder festival." "Ummmm, I always prefered Linder to Chaplin." "Except Linder never made a film as good as "The Kid"." "The chase climax of "The Kid", superb." "I adore your cinema very much." "Thank You." "Is it yours?" "Do i own it?" "Yes." "Yes" "How does a young girl, such as yourself, own a cinema?" "My aunt left it to me." "Thank you for hosting a German night." "I dont have a choice, but your welcome." "Then my thank you stands." "I love the Refensthal mountain films, especially, "Piza Palu"." "Its nice to see a French girl who's a admirer of Refensthal" ""Admire", would not be the adjective I would use to describe Fraulien Refensthal." "But you do admire the director Pabst, dont you?" "Thats why you included his name on the marquee." "I'm French." "We respect directors in our country." "Apperently even Germans." "Even Germans." "Thank you for assistance, Private." "Adieu" "Your not finished?" "I'll finish in the morning." "May i ask your name?" "You wish to see my papers" "Emmanuelle Mimieux." "Thats a very pretty name." "Thank you." "Are you finished with me papers?" "Mademoiselle." "My name is Fredrick Zoller." "Its been a pleasure chatting with a fellow cinema lover." "Sweet dreams, Mademoiselle." "Hello, mademoiselle." "May I join you?" "Look Fedrick..." "You remember my name?" "Yes." "Look, you seem a pleasent enough fellow..." "Thank you." "You're welcome... regardless, I want you to stop pestering me." "I appologize Mademoiselle," "I wasn't trying to be a pest." "I was simply trying to be friendly." "I don't wish to be your friend." "Why not?" "Don't act like an infant." "You know why." "I'm more then just a uniform." "Not to me." "If you are so desperate for a French girlfriend,  I suggest you try Vichy?" "You are Fredrick Zoller?" "Yes it is me." "Who are you?" "I thought I was just a uniform?" "You're not just a German soldier, are you somebodies son?" "Most German soldiers are somebodies son." "Such a lucky girl to be with this German war hero." "No, no, no." "She is not my girlfriend." "So you're a war hero?" "What did you do?" "I was alone in a walled city, by myself with a thousand rounds of ammo." "In a bird's nest against three hundred soldiers." "What's a bird's nest?" "A bird's nest is what a sniper would call a bell tower." "It's a tall strcuture offering a three hundred and sixty degree view." "Very advantageous for a marksmen." "How many did you kill?" "Sixty-eight the first day." "A hundred and fifty the second day." "Thirty-two the third day." "On the fourth day, they exited the city." "Naturally my war story recieved alot of attention in Germany, that's why they all recognize me." "They call me the German Sergant York." "Maybe they'll make a film about your exploits." "Well, that's just what Joseph Goebbels thought." "So he did, It's called "Nation's Pride"." "They wanted me to play myself, so I did." "They have posters for it in kiosks all over Paris." "That's another reason for all the attention." ""Nation's Pride" is about you?" ""Nation's Pride" is starring you?" "I know, comical, huh?" "Well, good luck with your premier Private." "I hope all goes well for Joseph and yourself." "Goodbye." "Mademoiselle Mimieux?" "Yes?" "Is this your cinema?" "Yes." "Tell her to come down." "Come down please." "I don't understand, what have I done?" "She wants to know what she's done?" "Get your ass in that car." " it's only the offspring of slaves that allows America to be competitive athletically." "America olympic gold can be measured in Negro sweat." "Joseph Goebbels The second most important to Hitler" "Good you came." "I wasn't sure whether or not you'd except my invitation." "Invitation?" "Is that the young lady in question, Fredrick?" "Yes it is, Goebbels." "Emmanuelle, there is somebody I want you to meet." "Emanuelle Mimineux, I'd like to introduce you to the minister of propaganda, the leader of the entire German film industry, and now I'm an actor, my boss, Joseph Goebbels." "Your reputation precedes you Fraulein Mimieux." "And normally, this is heer Goebbels French interpreter, Mademoiselle Francesca Mondino." "Hello." "Hello." "And you've met the major." "Actually, I didn't introduce myself." "Major Deither Hellstrom of the Gestapo,..." "At your service mademoiselle." "Please allow me." "Try the wine mademoiselle, it's quite good." "Well I must say, you've made quite an impression on our boy." "I arrive in France, and I wish to have lunch with my star..." "Little do I know he's become the toast of Paris, and now he must find the time for me." "People wait in line hours, days, to see me." "For the Fuhrer and Private Zoller, I wait." "So finally, I'm granted an audience with the young Private, and he spends the entire lunch speaking of you and your cinema." "So Fraulein Mimieux, let's get down to business." "Heer Goebbels, I haven't informed her yet." "Unless the girl's a simpleton, I'm sure she's figured out by now after all she does operate a cinema." "Francesca, tell her." "What they're trying to tell you is Private Zoller has spent the last hour at lunch, trying to convince Monsieur Goebbels to abandon previous plans for Private Zollers film premier, and change the venue to your cinema." "What?" "I wanted to inform her" "Shit." "I apologize Private, of course you did." "What's the issue?" "The Private wanted to inform the mademoiselle himself." "Nonsense!" "Until I ask a few questions, he has nothing to inform." "Let the record state, I have not agreed to a venue change." "Duly noted." "You have opera boxes?" "Yes." "How many?" "Two." "More would be better." "How many seats in your auditorium?" "Three hundred and fifty." "That's almost four hundred less then The Ritz." "But heer Goebbels, that's not such a terrible thing." "You said yourself you didn't want to indulge every two faced French bourgeious taking up space currying favor." "With less seats it makes the event more exclusive." "You're not trying to fill the house, their fighting for seats." "Besides, to hell with the French." "This is a German night, a German event, a German celebration." "This night is for you, me, the German military, the high command, their family and friends." "The only people who should be allowed in the room, are people who will be moved by the exploits on screen." "I see your public speaking has improved." "It appears I've created a monster." "A strangely persuasive monster." "When the war's over, politics awaits." "Well Private, though it is true, I'm inclined to induldge you anything." "I must watch a film in this young ladies cinema before I can say yes or no." "So young lady, you are to close your cinema tonight, and have a private screening for me." "What German films do you have?" "Ah, Landa, you're here!" "Emmanuel, this is Colenel Hans Landa of the S.S.,.." "...he'll be running security for the premier." "Charmed Mademoiselle." "And now I must get Reich Minister Goebbels to his next appointment." "Slave driver!" "French slave driver!" "Actually, in my role as security chief of this joyous German ocassion.... ...I'm afraid I must have a word with Mademoiselle Mimieux." "What sort of discussion?" "That sounded suspiciously like a Private questioning the order of a Colonel." "Or am I just being sensitive?" "Nothing could be further from the truth Colonel." "Your authority is beyond question." "But your reputation does proceed you." "Should Mademoiselle Mimieux or myself be concerned?" "Hans, the boy means no harm." "He is simply smitten." "And he's correct." "Your reputation does proceed you." "No need for concern you two." "As security chief, I simply need to have a chat with the possible new venue's property owner." "Have you tried the strudel here?" "No." "It's not so terrible." "So how is it the young Private and yourself came to be acquainted?" "Yes, two strudels, one for myself and one for the Mademoiselle." "A cup of espresso for myself." "And for the mademoiselle, a glass of milk." "So Mademoiselle, you were begining to explain...?" "Up until a couple of days ago, I had no knowledge of Private Zoller or his exploits." "To me, Private was simply just a patron of my cinema." "We spoke a few times but..." "Mademoiselle, let me interrupt you." "This is a simple formality, no reason for you to feel anxious." "I apologize, I forgot to order the fresh cream." "One moment." "Wait for the cream." "So Emmanuelle" " May I call you Emmanuelle?" "Yes." "So Emmanuelle, explain to me how does it happen, that a young lady such as yourself, comes to own a cinema?" "After you." "What do you think?" "Like I said, not so terrible." "So you were explaining the orgin of your cinema ownership?" "The cinema originally belonged to my aunt and uncle." "What is there names?" "Jean-Pierre and Ada Mimieux." "Where are they now?" "My uncle was killed during blitzkrieg." "Pity..." "Continue." "Aunt Ada passed away from fever last spring." "Regrettable." "It's come to my attention you have a negro in your employ, is that true?" "Yes." "He's a Frenchman." "His name is Marcel." "He wored with my aunt and uncle since they opened the cinema." "He's the only other one who works with me." "Doing what?" "Projectionist." "Is he any good?" "The best." "Actually one could see where that might be a good trade for them." "Can you operate the projectors?" "Of course I can." "Knowing the Reich Minister as I do, I'm quite positive he wouldn't want the sucees or failure of his illustrious evening,... dependent on the prowess of a negro." "So if it comes to pass we hold this event at your venue, ,talented no doubt he may be, you will oberate the projectors." "Is that exceptable?" "Yes." "Cigarette?" "They're not French, they're German." "I did have something else I wanted to ask you, but right now, for the life of me, I can't remember what it is." "Oh well, must not of been important." "Till tonight." "I must say, I appreciate the modesty of this auditorium." "Your cinema has real respect, almost church like." "Not to say we couldn't spruce the place up a bit." "I want to go to the Lource, pick up a few Greek nudes, and scatter them about, what do you think?" "What the fuck are we supposed to do?" "It looks like w're to supposed to have a Nazi premier." "Like I said, what the fuck are we supposed to do?" "Well, I need to speak wih you about that." "I'm confused, what are we talking about?" "Filling the cinema with Nazis and burning it to the ground." "I'm not talking about that, ou're talking about that." "No, we're talking about that, right now." "If we can keep this place from burning down by ourselves, we can burn it down ourselves." "Yes Soshanna, we could do that." "And with Madame Mimieux's nitrate film print collection, we wouldn't even need explosives right?" "You mean we wouldn't need any more explosives?" "I am going to burn down the cinema on Nazi night." "Because you love me, and I love you." "And you're the only person on this earth I can trust." "But that's not all w're going to do." "Does the filmmaking equipment in the attic still work?" "I know the film camera does." "How about the sound recorder?" "Quite well, actually." "I recorded a new guitarist I met in the cafe last week." "It works superb." "Why do we need filmmaking equipment?" "Because Marcel, by sweet, we're going to make a film." "Just for the Nazi's." "Chapter Four Operation "Kino"" "Nadine, France" "...okay, I'm a fictional, literary character from the past, I'm American, and that's controversial." "No it's not controversial." "The nationality of the author, has nothing to do with the nationality of the character." "The character is the character." "Hamlet's not British, he's Danish." "So yes, this character was born in America." "Horay!" "Schnapps?" "Schnapps?" "Schnapps?" "Schnapps?" "Schnapps?" "Five Schnapps." "Well I'm glad that's settled." "If I had a wife, would she be called a squaw?" "He's got it!" "Is my bloodbrother, Old Shatterhand?" "Yes!" "Did Karl May write me?" "Yes!" "I am Winnetou, chief of the Apaches!" "Yes!" "Hello my lovelies." "I will join you in moments." "I'm finishing up a game with my five new friends here." "No hurry, Frau Von Hammersmark." "Take your time, enjoy yourself." "Eric, my love." "Please go and serve my friends over there." "Von Hammersmark, anything for you." "Three Whiskey." "I thank you all for including me in your game." "Hey, your card!" "Let's see." "Gegus Khaun!" "I thought this place was supposed to have more French then Germans?" "Normally that's true." "The Sargent over there's wifre, just had a baby." "His commanding officer gave him, and his mates the night off to celebrate." "We should leave." "No, we should stay." "For one drink at least." "I've been waiting for you in a bar, it would look strange if we left before we had a drink." "She's right, just be calm, and enjoy your whiskey." "Eric, thank you very much." "Hey, why don't you come and fill in the empty place?" "No, no, no." "I can't." "I must help my father." "Oh, you can go and play." "I will help her translate." "Nobody try to mess with her." "Don't worry." "I'll help you out if they try anything." "I am stronger than I look." "Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps and Schnapps." "I have something to say." "We drink to the birth of a new son, Maxemillion." "All for max!" "There's been some new developments in Operation Kino." "The cinema venue has changed." "Why so?" "No one knows." "But that in itself shouldnn't be a problem." "The cinema it's been changed to is considerably smaller then the Ritz." "So whatever materials you brought for The Ritz should be doubly effective here." "Now this next piece of information is colossal, try not to over react." "The Fuhrer, will be attending tomorrow." "Frau Von Hammersmark, I was just thinking could you sign an autograph to my son on his birthday?" "I'd love to Wilhelm." "This handsome happy Sargent just became a father today." "So Wilhelm, do you know the name of this progeny yet?" "Certainly." "His name is Maximilian." "Wonderful name, Maximilian." "Thank you, Lieutenant." "Nothing but the best for little Maximilian." "Thank you fraulein, thank you." "Max may not know who you are know." "But he will." "I will show him all of your movies." "He will grow up with your films and this napkin on his wall." "I purpose a toast to the greatest actress in Germany!" "There is no Dietrich, there is no Riefenstahl, only Von Hammersmark!" "Frau Von Hammersmark, what brings you to France?" "None of your business, Sargent." "You might not have worn out your welcome with the fraulein with your drunken boorish behavior but you have wore out your welcome with me." "Might I remind you Sargent, you're an enlisted man." "This is an Officers table." "I suggest you stop pestering the fraulein and rejoin your table." "Excuse me Captain, but your accent is very unusual." "Where are you from?" "Sargent!" "You must be either drunk or mad... to speak to a superior officer with such impertinentness!" "I'm making you and you responsible for him!" "I suggest you take hold of your friend or he'll spend Max's first birthday in jail for public drunkenness!" "Then might I inquire?" "Like the young newly christened father, I too have a accute ear for accents." "And like him, I too find yours odd." "From where did you hail, Cap't?" "Major, this is highly inappr " " I wasnt speaking to you Lt. Saltzberg, or you either, Lt. Berlin." "I was speaking to Cap't I-don't-know-what." "I was born in the village that rests in the shadow of Piz Palu." "The mountain?" "Yes." "In that village we all speak like this." "Have you seen the Riefenshtal film?" "Yes." "Then you saw me." "You remember the skiing torch scene?" "Yes i do." "In that scene was myself, my father, my sister, and my two brothers." "My brother is so handsome, the director Pabst, gave him a closeup" "Major, if my word means anything, i can vouch for everything the Young Cap't has just said." "He does hail from the bottom of Piz Palu, he was in the film, and his brother is far more handsome than he." "You should rejoin your friends." "May i join you?" "By all means, Major." "So that's the source of your bazarr accent?" "Extraodinary." "So what are you doing here Cap't?" "Aside from having a drink with the lovely fraulien?" "Well that pleasure requires no explanation." "I mean in country." "Your obviously not stationed in France, or I'd know who you are." "You know every German in France?" "Worth knowing?" "Well," "There in lies the problem." "We never claimed to be worth knowing." "All levity aside, what are you doing in France?" "Attending Goebbels film premiere as the frauleins escort." "Your the frauleins escort?" "Somebody has to carry the lighter." "The Captain is my date, but all three are my guests." "We're old friends Major, who go back a long time." "Longer than an actress would care to admit" "Well in that case, let me raise my glass to the three luckiest men in the room." "I'll drink to that" "I must say, that game their playing looks like a good bit of fun." "I didnt join them, because your quite right Cap't, officers and enlisted men shouldnt fraternize, ...and sophisticated lady friends of officers." "What say we play the game." "Okay, one game." "wunderbar" "So the object of this game, is to write the name of a famous person on your card." "Real Or Fictitious, doesnt matter. for instance, you could write Confucious or Fu Manchu" "Eric!" "More pens." "And they must be famous." "No aunt Inga's." "When you finish writing, put the card facedown on the table, and move it to the person to your left." "The person to the right, will move their card infront of you." "you pick the card up without looking at it, lick the back, and stick it on your forehead like so." "And in ten yes or no questions, you must guess who you are..... ...So lets give it a try, shall we?" "Everybody write your names." "I'll Start, Give you an idea." "Am I German?" "No." "Am I American?" "No." "Wait a minute, he goes to " "Don't be ridiculous, obviously he wasn't born in America." "So I visited America, aye?" "Yes." "Was this visit...fortuitous?" "Not for you." "Hummm." "My native land, is it what one would call, exotic?" "Yes." "Hummmm." "That could be ether a reference to the jungle, or the Orient." "I'm going to let my first instinct take over, and ask, am I from the jungle?" "Now gentlemen, around this time you could ask, weather your real or fictitious." "I however, think that's too easy, so I won't ask that, yet." "Okay, my native land is the jungle?" "I visited America, but my visit was not fortuitous to me, but the implication is that it was to somebody else." "When I went from the jungle to America, Did I go by boat?" "Did I go against my will?" "On this boat ride, Was I in chains?" "When I arrived in America...." "Was I displayed in chains?" "Am I the story of the Negro in America?" "Well then I must be King Kong." "Now since I answered correctly, you all need to finish your drinks." "Now, who's next?" "Major, I don`t mean to be rude." "But the four of us are very good friends." "And the four of us haven't seen each other in quite a while." "Major, I'm afraid, you are intruding." "I beg to differ Cap't." "It's only if the fraulein considers my presence a intrusion, that I become a intruder." "How about it fraulein?" "Am I intruding?" "Of course not, Major." "I didn't think so." "It's simply the young Cap't is immune to my charms." "I`m just joking, of course I'm intruding." "Allow me to refill your glasses gentlemen, i and I will bid you and the fraulein adieu." "Eric has a bottle of thirty-three year old single malt scotch whisky from the Scottish highlands." "What do you say gentlemen?" "Your most gracious, sir." "Eric, the thirty-three, and new glasses!" "You don`t want to contaminate the thirty- three with the swill you were drinking." "How many glasses?" "Five glasses." "Not me." "I like scotch, scotch doesn`t like me" "Nor I. I`ll stay with bubbly." "Three Glasses." "To a thousand year Reich!" "Did you hear that?" "That's the sound of my Luger pointed right at your testicles" "Why do you have a Lugar pointed at my testicles?" "Because you've just given yourself away, Captain." "You're no more German then Scotch." "Well, Major..." "Major." "Shut up slut." "You were saying?" "I was saying that makes two of us." "I've had a gun pointed at your balls since you sat down." "That makes three of us." "And at this range, I'm a real Fredrick Zoller." "Looks like we have a bit of a sticky situation here." "What's going to happen, Major, is you're going to stand up and walk out that door with us." "No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't think so." "I'm afraid you and I both know, no matter what happens to anybody else in this room, the two of us aren't going anywhere." "Too bad about them though." "They seem like a likeable bunch." "You will have to shoot them too." "Wilhelm, think about little Maximillian." "I've been rethinking my position in regards to your Paris premiere of "Nations Pride"." "As the weeks have gone on, and the Americans are on the beach, I do find myslef thinking more and more about this Private Zoller." "This boy has done something tremendous for us." "And I'm begining to think my participation in this event could be meaningful." "Ahhh, Hugo, you've moved up in the world I see." "Lieutenant." "And with your record of insubordination." "Truly remarkable." "And that one is Weihelm Wicki." "He's Austrian born jew, who imigrated to the United States when things began turning sour for the Israelites." "They are the two German born members of the Basterds." "They've been known to don german uniforms, to ambush squads." "What brings you all the way out here?" "But that doesn't look like this." "This is odd." "I would appear somebody's missing." "Somebody fashionable." "To Max, with love Bridget Von Hammersmark." "Chapter Five Revenge of the Giant Face" "Nigt of "Nation's Pride" Premiere" "Ready?" "Ready." "Action." "But how do we get it developed?" "Only a suicidal idiot like us would develop that footage." "How do we get a 35mm print with a soundtrack?" "We find somebebody who can develop and process a 35mm print." "And we make them do it, or we kill them." "Bring that fucker over here!" "Put his head down on that table." "You either do what the fuck we tell you to, or I'll burry this axe in your collaborating skull." "I'm not a collaborator!" "Marcel, does his wife, and childrem know you?" "Yes." "Then after we kill this dog for Germans, we'll go and silence them." "Not in the script DiRTYWORK" "I want to introduce you to the greatest actor in Germany." "My pleasure." "You have a beautiful cinema." "Fraulein Von Hammersmark." "Colonel Landa, it's been years." "Dasing as ever I see." "So what's happened to your lovely leg?" "A product of kicking ass in the German cinema, no doubt." "Save your flattery, you old dog." "I know too many of your former conquests, to fall in that honey pot." "Seriously, what happened?" "Well, I tried my hand, foolishly I might add, at mountain climbing." "Mountain climbing?" "That's how you injured your leg, mountain climbing?" "Believe it or not, yes it is." "Forgive me, fraulein." "I don't mean to laugh at your misforutune It's just mountain climbing?" "I'm curious fraulein what could ever compelled you to undertake such a foolhardy endeavour?" "Well, I shant be doing it again, I can tell you that." "That cast looks as fresh." "When were you climbing this mountain, last night?" "Very good eye, Colonel." "It happened yesterday morning." "And where exactly is in Paris is this mountain?" "I'm just teasing you, fraulein." "You know me, I tease rough." "So who are your handsome escorts?" "I'm afraid neither three speak a word of German." "Their friends of mine from Italy." "This is a wonderful Italian stuntman, Enzo Gorlomi." "A very talented cameraman, Antonio Margheriti." "And Antonio's camera assistant, Dominick Decocco." "Gentlemen, this is an old friend, Colonel Hans Landa of the S.S." "Hello." "Gentlemen, I must say." "Thank you." "Am I pronouncing it correctly?" "Yes, you are correct." "Say it for me once please." "I'm sorry, again?" "Once more." "What's your name again?" "Again?" "One more time!" "But let me really hear the music in it!" "And you?" "Well, my two cameramen friends need to find their seats." "Let me see your tickets." "These are fairly easy seats to find for the Premier." "Seats 0023 and 0024." "I hope you enjoy the film." "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "Ooh lala, Danielle Darrieux." "I have to go down and socialize with these pigs." "Let's go over it again?" "Reel one is on the first projector." "Reel two is on the second." "Three and four are ready to go." "Okay, the big sniper battle in the film begins around the middle of the third reel." "Our film, comes on in the fourth reel, then take your place behind the screen." "Wait for my cue, when I give it to you, then burn it down." "Take your seats!" "The show is about to begin!" "Everybody take your seats!" "Well, we should go find our seats." "Not so fast, let's enjoy some champagne before "Nation's Pride"." "Frau Von Hammersmark, may I speak to you in private?" "Yes, of course." "Excuse us." "Have a seat fraulein." "Mademoiselle Mimieux has allowed me to use her office." "Let me see your foot." "I beg your parden?" "Put your foot in my lap." "Colonel, you embarrass me." "Can you reach inside my coats pocket and give me whats there." "What now Colenel?" "The man in the white suit." "Very clever." "Do you have any gum?" "It's almost time." "I'll go lock the auditorium and go behind the screen." "Who is it?" "Fredrick." "Are you the manager of this cinema?" "I want my money back." "That actor in the movie stinks." "What are you doing here?" "I came to visit you." "Can't you see how busy I am?" "Then allow me to lend my assistance." "Fredrick it's not funny, you can't be here." "This is your premiere, you need to be out there with them." "Normally, you would be right." "And for all the other films I do, I intend to endure evenings like tonight in the proper spirit." "However the fact remains, this film is based on military exploits." "And in this case, my exploits consisted of me killing many men." "Consequently, the part of the film that's playing now, I don't enjoy watching." "Fredrick, I am sorry, but..." "So, I though, I'd come up here and do what I do best, annoy you." "And from the look on your face, it would appear I haven't lost my touch." "Are you so use to the Nazi's kissing your ass, you've forgotten what the word "No" means?" "No Fredrick, you can't come in here, now go away!" "Fredrick, you hurt me." "Well, it's nice to know you can feel something." "Even if it's just physical pain." "I'm not a man you say, "Go away" to." "There's over three hundred dead bodies in Russia, that if they could, would testify to that." "After what I've done for you, you disrespect me at your peril." "Shut the door." "Pardon?" "Shut the door so we can have privacy." "May I ask why?" "I guess you don't want to help." "You want me to shut the door?" "Yes I only said it fifty times!" "Fabulous, fabulous!" "This is your best work ever." "Thank you Fuhrer." "English Subtitles by mafia and nate DiRTYWORK"