"Previously on "In Treatment"..." "Charmed, I'm sure." "So, yesterday, I marched into the gym and I got up on the beam." "And when I looked back at my feet, they were right on the beam." "Sophie, look at me." "What goes on in there?" "The new guy with the tequila -- we had sex and... afterwards he said that I fucked like someone who's been sexually abused." "Prick!" "I'm trying to kill myself." "Oh, God." "Do you know what that lipstick color reminds me of?" "Dog shit." "That's right, Sophie." "Keep it up." "That's right, Olivia." "Keep feeling sorry for yourself." "Do we have to wait until exactly four o'clock?" "If you and your surgical enhancements step into that room," "I'm never coming back here -- ever." "He asked me to come." "And you promised you wouldn't go back to the gym unless he said it was okay, you promised." "You make it seem like I'm gonna contaminate the place or something." " I'm sure you will." " Oh, Sophie, back off." "Why couldn't you just call him?" "They have this thing now, it's called a telephone." "If I would've called him and he said you shouldn't train, you would've said I was lying." "I j" " I just want to be in the room with you when he answers us." "There is no "us"." "I'm leaving." "Sophie!" "Please!" "You promised." "S01E23:" "Sophie, Week Five" "Hello, Olivia." "Nice to meet you, finally." " You too." " Come on in." "Sophie?" "I -- that's okay, I'm just gonna be a minute." "Why don't we take that minute inside?" " I don't want to intrude." " You're not intruding." "I called you." "I don't want to be in the way." "I promise you nothing terrible will happen if you come inside." "Don't bet the farm on that." "She says she won't come back to therapy if I go in." "I don't know what to do." "I think it'll be fine." "Come on." "Sophie, can you take your bag off the couch, please?" "Thank you." "Please." "I, uh..." "I asked you both here today because " "Just tell her that I can keep training." "Otherwise I'm stuck at home with her." "She promised that she wouldn't go back to training" " unless you said it was okay." " I never said that." "20 minutes ago in the car, you said you wouldn't go back" " unless Paul " " I said, I'd listen to what Paul has to say, not do what he says." "God, you're like the queen of selective hearing." "Just seems crazy to me, after all that she's been through, for her to just waltz back into the gym." "I mean, it's not like she's injured." " That's not the problem." " You're the problem." "I'm the problem." "That's right, always." "Yes!" "Always." "You're one gargantuan problem." "Let me ask you something, Sophie." "Do you, do you feel that you are..." "ready to go back" " to training?" " Yes." "But you can also understand how your mom is... a little bit concerned about that." "She's a crazy bitch." "Nobody understands her." "I think I understand her." "If I stay at home with her," "I will either slit my wrists or I'll go postal, they'll shut me in the loony bin." "And you won't be there to get me out next time." "I think..." "I think your mom is concerned about whether you're ready... mentally... for the stress you'll be under when you go back." "I can deal with stress." "If you can't, you don't belong there." "It's not for sissies." " Why are you sighing?" " I'm not sighing." " I just heard you." " I was just breathing." "Am I not allowed" " to breathe anymore?" " You were sighing." "Sophie..." "If I don't try out for the Olympics," " I'll kill myself for real." " Sophie, enough!" "No more threats." "No more!" " Thank you, doctor." " Shut up!" "What are you even doing here?" "Why can't you get your own life and butt out of mine?" "That's right, because my very presence makes any space I enter automatically toxic to you." " Yeah, that's right." " I hope my money isn't toxic, too." " I don't need your money." " Right, because you can always fall back on your father's money." "So, what is it, Paul?" "To train or not to train?" "Olivia, I understand your concerns... and why you wouldn't want Sophie to go back to the gym." "But -- and I have given this a great deal of thought..." "I do think that..." "Sophie should continue her program of training." "What?" "Are you sure?" "Yes." " I think that the gym is a place " " Okay, but, um..." "I don't know." "See, I just thought..." " after everything " " Are you deaf?" "No, Sophie, I'm not deaf." " So you heard him?" " Yes, I heard him." "So, why are you still talking?" "Here come the waterworks." " I'm gonna wait in the car." " Hallelujah!" " I would prefer if you stayed." " If she stays, I'm so out of here." "I can see myself out." " Dr. Weston." " Paul." "Paul..." "I never got a chance to thank you for all the strings that you pulled at the hospital." "If it wasn't for you, they'd have committed her for god knows how long." "Actually, it doesn't quite work like that." "She would have had a..." "an uncomfortable night or two, but..." "In any case, thank you." "Make sure she walked away." "She could still be there," " listening through the door." " Sophie, she's not listening at the door, she's... she's gone." "You're pretty confident today." "Confident how?" "Sending me back to the gym like nothing happened." "So, where do you think my confidence comes from?" "Special delivery from old people land." "I'm confident because I think I've figured out why... why you took those pills in my bathroom last week." "I think you were testing me, Sophie." "And I passed the test." "Barely... but I did pass it." "So, maybe you can trust me now... 'cause I trust you." "One thing that bothers me, though... what if you decided to test somebody else, and they didn't know it was a test?" "Doesn't matter to me." "I'd be dead." "I think one of the things that we need to figure out is... what you find so attractive about... about dying." "What does dying mean to you?" " Freedom." " Freedom from what?" "You and your stupid questions." "And what else?" "My mother." "So, you think death is the only way to escape your mother?" "I'm pretty sure even death won't do." "Well, let me ask you this:" "if your mom wasn't around..." "Would you still want to die?" "I have no idea, dipshit." "Oh, I'm irritating you now." "Sophie..." "See, what you're doing now is, you're shutting me out." "Is that what you do to your mom?" "What else does -- death... mean to you?" "Sleeping well." "And what does sleeping well mean?" "Not feeling." "Not feeling what?" "Anything." "When you say "not feeling anything", do you mean... feeling... like, calm?" "Is there anyplace in your life where you, where you feel calm?" "Not here, that's for sure." "Okay, tell me what you feel when you're here." "Sophie..." "Sophie..." "Would you like to talk about what happened last week?" "We went to a... a pretty painful place." "It was a place of... great feeling." "And then suddenly you... you went to the bathroom and you put yourself to sleep." "I..." "Go on." "I can't describe it." " What can't you describe?" " What I felt, Paul." "God." "Does everything have to be talked about?" " It's too fucking hard." " I need you to try, Sophie." "You try." "You want me to try to express what you feel?" "I tried to make myself throw up but nothing came out." "Do you remember, after the accident, you said..." ""I finally killed her"?" "What did you mean by that?" "I don't know." "You know, we have these two sides to our personalities, you know, the weak side and, and the strong side, and they're constantly in conflict with each other." "Sometimes the weaker side is sneaky and it's crafty, and it wins." "Well, for example, when you let somebody buy you shoes that... you don't really want, or when you have sex with somebody that... you don't really want to have sex with." "See, when it comes to sports, you're completely confident on the beam." "You are really powerful." "But off the beam, when you're not a gymnast, when you're just a girl, when you're a young woman, that part of you is less secure." "And... you seem more... what's the word I'm looking for -- more..." " susceptible." "Do you " " I know what "susceptible" means." "I hate that part of me." "But they're both you..." "Sophie." "So, do you really think it's okay if I go back to training?" "Yes, I do." "But here's the thing:" "I want you to know that I'm going to be here for you... anytime." "All you have to do is just call me." "But on one condition:" "I want you to know this and understand it really clearly." "I will not treat you under the threat of suicide." "Do you understand me?" "And if I don't agree, then I can't go back to the gym." "Then you cannot come back here -- ever." "So..." "Do we have a deal?" "You said before that I was testing you." "You said that you barely passed." "The fact that you were testing me at all, Sophie, that's a kind of a failure for me... that you should feel you had to test my love for you." "Your love?" "Yeah." "I can't treat somebody that I don't love." "I have to find something in each of my patients that I love." "Otherwise I won't be able to treat them." "I bet you had to search me with a magnifying glass to find something to love." "Look..." "I remember the first day that you came here and you were walking around the office and you... and you asked me about these boats." "And you said to me..." ""Are these here because you don't really sail?"" "And I said, "Yeah."" "And you said..." ""Well, maybe you should make one of those glass windows like they have on boats, so that you can see the world."" "Do you remember that?" "When you said that..." "I think that's when I started to, to love who you are." "You say it like it's easy." "You're not used to people saying "I love you"?" "My dad." " He tells you that?" " He doesn't have to." "I was surprised I didn't see him in the hospital when I went to visit you." "You just missed him." "What, what does he do, do you think, to... to earn your love?" "Why?" "Maybe I can steal his secrets and give them to your mom." "Hilarious." "But how do you know he does love you if he doesn't say it?" "I don't need to hear him say it." "Words are bullshit, everybody lies." "I feel his love." "And he feels me, even when I'm far away." "Want to know a secret?" "I have to wear glasses all the time." "Most of the time I walk around half-blind." "Do you know why?" " Why?" " 'Cause I prefer it that way." "With my glasses on, everything is too sharp." "Without them, everyone looks... looks like they've got perfect skin." "So my mother must look like a supermodel to you." "Why are you telling me this?" "I think your father looks better in the distance... far away... blurry, but your mother is right up close, and... she's kind of painfully clear." "I'm really over this conversation." "You know, before you passed out last week, you'd said something about models, so-something about a photo shoot not beginning on time." "Than I remember that you told me that your dad was a photographer." "Did your dad work with... with models?" "Why are you picking on him?" "My dad is the only person in this world who really loves me." "Why is that so hard for you to get your head around?" "What are you doing?" "I forgot to give you the money to pay Paul." " Are you listening through the door?" " Of course not." "I was in the car." "I'm not gonna let her go back to the gym." "That place is killing her." "Who are you to take the risk?" "She almost died here, on your sofa, and you're just... dusting her off and sending her back." " No." " If you don't get away from him," "I'm leaving here and I'm never coming back." " I'll go to dad." " You'll go to dad's?" "I will." " Good." "Go ahead." " I will." "Go ahead." "Cry a little harder, mom." "That's great." "If I brought home an Olympic medal, you'd probably drown in your own tears." "If you brought home an Olympic me" "Stop making me look like a monster in front of the shrink!" "Yes." "Yes, I think that the competition is insane and you're putting unbelievable stress on your young body, but" "I am so proud of your accomplishments." "Isn't every mother proud of their daughter?" "Don't ask him!" "You want to go to therapy, get your own guy." "Nobody wants you here." "Now, get the fuck out!" "Not until he tells me how he can sit there" " and let you go back to some place " " Let me?" "You think I'm like you?" "I'm some sort of child who needs permission to do anything?" "If I want to train, I'll train." "If I want to kill myself, I'll kill myself." "If I want to fuck Cy in my hospital room, while you're outside, banging on the door," "then that's what I'll fucking do." "What did you say?" "You heard me." "You are not going back to that gym." "Fine." "Start looking for my burial plot." "I'm going back to training next week for the Olympics, and if you try to stop me, you'll never see me again." "Right, I heard you." "You'll go to your father's." "Only, he's in Miami, photographing supermodels, and no one can get ahold of him." "He doesn't even know she was in the hospital." " Shut up!" " He hasn't even called her in over a month." "He doesn't even know what happened." "But, but of course she'll go to him, to..." "to New York, to Miami, to fucking Timbuktu." "He's not here, and it's my fault!" "It's my fault because I am here." "Maybe I'll leave you alone, for a few months, and then, maybe, you can love me just a little." "Yes, just fuck off!" "If she came to therapy, you'd need a tissue plant next door." "Did you have sex with Cy at the hospital?" "No..." "I was just " "Sophie, you're 16 years of age, you're a minor... and I've thought long and hard about whether I should bring legal action against this guy." "You told me, there was no sexual contact between you and him... after the first time." "Is that true?" "Yes." "Nothing else has happened." " Do you want it to happen again?" " No!" " Should I still be worried about you and Cy?" " No!" " Why is my mom so pathetic?" " You know what?" "I don't think she is pathetic." "As a matter of fact, I think she's pretty strong." "She swallows all the crap that you give her, and she still comes back for more." "She's making every mistake in the book." "But you know something?" "You punish her in a million different ways, and she's never given up on you." "And I know, you don't want to hear this, but I don't think you've given up on her either." "We're out of time, aren't we?" "Why didn't you tell me that your father didn't know you tried to kill yourself?" " Why was that such a big secret?" " It's not." "I have to go." "What about our agreement?" " Let's talk about it next week." " No, we won't talk about it next week." "What about our agreement?" "I won't try and kill myself as long as I'm in therapy, all right?" "Say it again." "I won't try and kill myself as long as I'm in therapy." "Okay."