"This turkey looks like the mafia got a hold of it." "It's how the Amish do it." "I saw it on YouTube." "The Amish post on YouTube?" "That is crazy." "I know, times have changed ." "Wait, this is, this is hell." "I, I never gave my mother enough credit for doing this production year after year." "I guess I was already drinking by the time everything was done." "It was like this magical, mystical meal appeared ." "And Bill always did the cooking, so" "Yeah, that" " Thanksgiving is fun for everyone but the chef." "True that." "Mom has been brining the turkey for a week." "It's gonna be more like Passover than Thanksgiving." "Oh, what'd you say?" "I just can't believe that our mother, a woman who's consistently flummoxed by the microwave and who has never made a piece of unburnt toast, is cooking for 15." "Do you remember that one time when she made that big pie with that huge dome." "And then dad tapped on it and the whole thing collapsed." "Oh, it was so tragic." "No, it was funny." "I like his new girlfriend." "She's cool." "But it's like mega awkward when she treats me like we're besties." "Totes, that's so off." "And she's always posting on my Facebook and liking things." "Why don't you block her?" "It would make things kind of weird." "I do not trust those instructional videos." "I followed one once and seriously almost blinded myself trying to apply liquid eye liner." "Are you kidding?" " Bad idea." " That's terrible" "Oh look, there's my wayward husband." "Why did you guys drive separately?" "He had to drop something off on his way over here." "For work, on Thanksgiving?" "Who knows where he goes or what he does." "I wonder why she's unfriended me?" "Well you live far away." "She doesn't even know you yet." "I guess it's better that way." "Mom would be crazy jealous." "She already puts me in the middle enough as it is." "Wait, so mom can see what's on my Facebook?" "Yeah, she's got like this secret account." "She's like the J. Edgar Hoover of social media." "I'll show you." "Really?" "An hour." "No, no, no, it's not been an hour." "Look, I had to park like a mile away." "That's - - there's trees in this neighborhood, everywhere." "Your obsession with sap is unnerving." "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "Happy Thanksgiving." "What is that weird sound?" "Uh, I don't know, I downloaded some new ring tones," "That's probably what it is." "It sounds like a dying sparrow." "I'll set it to silent." "Will you set it to off?" "Okay, happy now?" "I'm gonna go help with the buffet table, want to help me?" "Sounds exciting." "I'm gonna make a cocktail instead." "Hey Kimmy." "KIMMY Oh, hey Rick." "Hey can you believe the, uh, Vuelta, Contador and Froome battling it out?" "It should be the tour, right?" "Right." "Sounds like you guys are having fun." "Kimmy, he's on restriction, no cell phone for Rick." "No cell phone for Rick." " Got it." " No cell phone" "I will keep an eye on him for Rick" "So Rick, uh, are, are you going to the Giro in Italy or?" "Yeah, yeah, I'll be in Italy for the Giro." "Wow." "I'll miss the tour in France, though, but I'm gonna go to the" "Vuelta in Spain for sure." "Wow." "Yeah." "Oops." "So I'm, I'm chatting with this guy on Bottom Feeder for like three weeks and then he just disappears." "Bottom Feeder's bull shit." "People just want to chat and chat and chat and chat and chat." "It's a bottomless chat feeder." "Okay yes, but I just felt rejected, you know." "It's not real rejection." "It's more of a pseudo rejection." "We just had so much in common." "We both loved" "Miles Davis, Dry Rieslings and spontaneous swimming and then poof he just disappears." "I know that this sounds horrible." "But" "I, I sort of hope that something awful happened to him, or maybe he died." "Because otherwise he just never wrote back to me." "Maybe he just met someone else" "Then why wouldn't he just say that?" "I mean is there no decorum left in the world?" "No manners?" "Was he younger?" "A little, 18 years." "Well the kids are used to that kind of interaction, it's normal to them." "It's all just virtual." "You're so much better at this than I am." "Oh my god," "I'm such a bad gay." "I've only actually gone through with it a few times." "Right." "When is the last time that you actually met someone in person?" "Some drug addict came over, started cutting coke on my Noguchi table." "Oh my god, poor Noguchi." "Then he put his head on my chest and said the sound of my beating heart made him hard." "Yeah, I would take a serial killer blow job at this point." "Oh, Gold Unicorn?" "Hi, mom." "I left you a message on your voice mail on your cell but it's full." "I, I tried the house." "It's not working." "I don't know why it's not working." "Yes, everything is under control." "I have mister turkey right here." "I brined it, yes, it's very briny." "All briny." "550." "I don't know, whatever." "Okay." "No, no, no, uh," "I, I don't need your help." "I don't. this year I am Sacajawea." "I know that she wasn't at the first Thanksgiving." "I was just making a little bit of a joke." "Okay, I will text her and, and make sure she does." "Okay, just, just get over here, I love you." "Okay, bye." "Happy Thanksgiving." "Hello." "Oh, three horny mules." "Is that local?" "Uh, 98 points on, uh, Wine Enthusiast." "Oh." "Fabulous, thank you." "This is very nice." "Oh well thank you for noticing that." "Yes it's, uh, difficult to miss." "Kind of like your work." "Oh, I would have loved to have shared your work with my readers." "My former readers." "And speaking of work, is everyone okay with me doing the blog interviews and-?" "Oh yes, absolutely." "You know, I saw your show at Red Art three years ago." "And I thought it would have been amazing to be a part of one of your projects." "And here you are." "Well I hope it meets your expectations." "I'm sure it will." "Thanksgiving is a, it's a pretty foreign concept in Britain." "In England we just Christmas and Boxing Day so." "Box it " " I nev - - what is Boxing Day anyway?" "Oh, no one knows." "You don't even know." "And, and I, and I want to remind you that this is the first time that I have attempted the entire Thanksgiving feast." "Oh well this is my first time trying to eat one." "So I'm just very grateful you invited me, you know, thank you." "I don't know where I would have, uh, ended up." "Well I'm so glad it's here." "Um, I'm gonna go back in to my work station." "Okay." "'Cause it's chaos in there." "And, um," "Rick is mixing drinks there at the bar." "Yo." "And that's Kimmy SHANE:" "Hello." "It's Shane, so." "Hi." "Welcome, Shane." " See you in a minute." " Okay" "So then he sends me this Snapchat of his erect ding-dong." "Classy." "Like that's supposed to turn me on?" "I wish I could say that I believe it gets different but apparently all penises have the same IQ." "College guys do that?" "Yeah, I have an entire collection of" "Valedictorian dicks." "No, I mean I like penises." "I'm all about penises, but so up close it's just way too natural history museum." "And no one needs to see balls close up." "Mm-hmm." "This poor guy texts me pictures of everything." "I mean its-he's such an over texter." "It's really annoying." "What does he over text about?" "Fire hydrants, um, public parks, urban decay." "He sent me pictures of him winking, but it just like looks weird." "Hmm, what about you?" "I know you're having adventures." "Do you like anyone other than Snapchat boy?" "Mm, there's like this one guy." "Hmm?" "Yeah, he's a club promoter, so he's like in the scene." "Mm, he sounds fast." "Yeah, he's a little fast." "But I kind of like fast." "I think." "Your sister couldn't have lost her job at a worse time." "I know, when it rains it pours." "And I haven't been on Linked In lately but the job market for art critics does not seem like it's exactly on fire." "Has she dated anyone since the divorce?" "I mean she's on Date Me but I don't know, I think she she might just be on there for the validation." "You know, just to be liked and found attractive from her picture." "Well I know that feeling." "Even if ugly guys or fatties like me it still makes me happy." "Like, you know, this guy put himself out there for me, I'll always have options." "Yeah, no, having options is, is great." "But sometimes too many options is a problem." "Yeah." "Thanks." " Cheers." " Oh, Thank you." "Of course." "So, uh, what's your field of reportage?" "Oh, sports." "Really, I wouldn't have thought that." "Yeah, I guess you probably thought, uh, math meets." "Or, uh, chess tournaments." "Maybe some classical music." "I just think it's a little bit unusual." "I guess." "Do you have, uh, a sport that's your specialty?" "It's LA, so basketball." "It's all about basketball." "Yeah, when you guys win there are riots." "It's terrifying." "It's crazy." "I guess you're a friend of Judy's in the art world?" "Are you a dealer?" ", No, no, no, I'm a, I'm a multi-media artist." "I organize, uh, location-based group happenings." "I'm interested in how people interact in unusual, strange and heightened situations." "Oh, Oh-uh, oh hey Rick, um, we haven't talked about the tour yet." "We'll do that over turkey." "You're busy." "Okay, save me a seat?" "What were you saying?" "Hey, hey, hey, Jesse, you little bitch." "Rick." "Uh, Dylan, this is Rick." "He's married to my sister's friend Georgia and, uh, Rick this is my friend Dylan." "Hey, Dylan." "Nice to meet you." "Happy Thanksgiving." "Happy turkey day, gobble, gobble, and all that." "Well for example recently my team picked out, uh, this drunken American guy in a bar." "And then we all went in and pretended it was his birthday." "And, uh, eventually he started joining in even though it wasn't his birthday." "And then we uploaded the whole thing onto YouTube." "So it wasn't his birthday, you just messed around with some innocent stranger?" "Yeah, that's right ." "In, in a way." "But it was a, it was a jocular kind of messing." "Hmm." "And there was, you know, some touching moments." "There was some real pathos." "So how's work?" "It's pretty good I guess." "It is what it is." "Gets a little mundane, a little repetitive, a lot of the same issues come up." "Like what kind of issues, what do you do?" "Oh I work for Google." "Really?" "That's awesome." "Google's like so now." "What do you do there?" "Well I don't actually work for the big G, I work for a law firm that deals with, uh, first amendment copyright issues surrounding the Internet." "Are you working on anything now?" "Yeah, I'm actually gonna upload this Thanksgiving to my blog." "This dinner?" "Yeah, I thought it would be charming." "So you're gonna add comments and cutesy little pictures and things like that?" "Yeah." "Pictures, and videos, image macros, gifts, vines, and interviews." "Actually," "I" " I'd love to ask you some questions if you are up for it?" "Oh no." "I'm not used to being interviewed." "Uh, well I mean I can understand how you might not like the tables turned on yourself." "Oh no it, it's not about the tables being turned, I mean." "Well there you go, and you might enjoy being on the answer side of the situation for once." "Okay." "Let's give it a shot for what you call art." "Okay, great." "Okay great." "Well I mean I guess there's a case where a guy has been posting pictures of his girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend, nude pictures." "And Google's named in the suit because he's using Google ads on his blog." "Why would anyone do something so creepy?" "That's a good question." "No telling what people do when they're pissed off." "Hashtag karma." "Kimmy's keen insight on all forms of sports are known to the legions of fans in, uh, this great city." "Uh, so Kimmy," "I want you to throw that keen eye on yourself." "Uh, what does, what does Thanksgiving mean to you?" "Uh, you know, Thanksgiving's always been one of my favorite holidays since I was a little girl." "My parents were immigrants and, uh, this was the one American tradition that they celebrated." "My dad, uh, was very reserved and always focused on work." "But when it came to Thanksgiving he would drop his work and he would join the family and he was the life of the party." "Um, and my mom just loved to cook." "She would cook up a storm." "And, uh, there'd be everything, you know, turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes." "She would separate the white meat from the dark meat." "I mean it was an art." "There was corn, kimchee" "There was always kimchee." "So Dylan, what do you do?" "I'm a high-end dog washer." "He is the pup pamperer to the stars." "I did not know there was a, a high end to the business." "There's an entire ecosystem of doggie care in Los Angeles." "Yeah, I mean I've seen the vans that drive around." "But that's not...?" "No, most of my clients have an extra bathroom dedicated to canine cleaning." "My dogs are the one percent." "Hmm." "How long have you been doing this?" "Almost 15 years." "Wow." "Jesse you are, uh, you're in the dog world, yeah?" "Uh, well, you know, rescue." "Like I save them, he soaks them, you know, I'm gonna go for reinforcements." "You good?" "Good." "No we're good." "With the world being so overstimulated I feel like" "Thanksgiving is a time to really just disconnect from all that and, um, really reconnect with what's important." "Does your work normally make you feel connected?" "You're a sports journalist." "I mean you interact with people all day." "Well you would think that." "But it, it, uh, somehow has the opposite effect." "How so?" "I get all these online comments about my articles." "Um, from anonymous icons and names." "And they're really aggressive, just really violent." "You know, and, uh, what's worse some of them are actually totally racist and sexist." "You wouldn't believe some of the ugly things people have to say." "They're just complete strangers, they don't even know who I am." "Uh, gorgeous." "Okay." "Now, I will make a tent, okay." "If you say so." "Hey, So..." "Look at my tent." "I guess you skipped that class at Barnard, huh?" "I guess I did." "So what's that smoky smell?" "Uh, it's the oven." "I haven't used it in years." "Nice, so turkey cordon dust and spider webs." "Very local ingredients." "Mm-hmm." "Alice Waters would be proud." "Listen, I am proud of this bird." "Look at this turkey." "Is that a good-looking turkey?" "Huh?" "Handsome." "Cary Grant of turkeys." "I take you more for the, uh, takeout turkey type." "Did you bring the cranberry sauce?" "Yes I did." "What, I can't compete with Whole Foods." "Kate." "What?" "You said you were gonna make cranberry sauce." "No, I didn't." "I haven't used my kitchen since Bush won." "No, you did, you said you were gonna make it." "And I have the evidence right here." "And I quote I will wrangle up the cranberry sauce." "Exactly." "I wrangled up the cranberry sauce." "Come on, you know I don't cook." "I wanted it to be homemade." "I wanted it to be beautiful and perfect" "Nobody eats it anyway." "It's just decoration." "Now give your sister a hug, come on." "Oh no." "Come On." "Hey look it, wish bones." "Yeah." "Mine's bigger." "Mine has a diamond." "Well yeah, I guess it's better that they take it out on me than their wives." "Yeah, I've heard about that in America." "Yours is a sort of brutish nation..." "Sorry, can we hold for a second." "Jesse?" "Hi." "Hi." "Hi." "So nice to see you." "Nice to see you." "Oh." "Uh, this is Shane." "He's a friend of your sister's." "He's uh-an artist from Britain." "Hey Jesse." "Nice to meet you, how... uh, Britain." "Yeah." "Um, I, I love, uh, I love BBC America and also nationalized healthcare." "Yeah, don't forget Big Ben." "What's going on here, in this, looks like sex, lies and videotapes." "Maybe two out of three." "Yeah if you have a loose definition of videotape." "I'm actually interviewing Americans about Thanksgiving." "Yeah, come sit with us." "Oh no, no." "I'm, I'm, I'm too shy." "What?" "No, no, come on, I'll, uh, I'll loosen you up." "I thought uh-stuffing was just spiced, soggy bread." "No, it is, um, what is it called?" "Aunt Marjoram's fall bounty stuffing." "It's from Vintage Eats dot com." "Ooh." "Vintage, one of my favorite euphemisms." "Vintage." "Okay well if you don't like that then I have the uh, vegan tofu stuffing from" "Lizzy Emerald's website." "Wow." "Two novelty stuffings, you're such a show off" "Well hi Auntie K." "Hey mom." "Hi girlies." "We're just gonna get some sodas." "So how's the ivy league, huh?" "Is it worth the 50k?" "Oh, I'm on scholarship, you know that." "So what's a scholarship buy you this year?" "I am taking two classes this semester." "Oh eeh." "Comparative literature and advanced French theory." "You are your mother's daughter." "And I am the proudest mother in the whole wide world." "Love you, best girls in the whole wide world." "Ooh, look it, it's my own Susan Sontag." "Oh mom." "Come on, everybody needs a hero." "Okay, I will be by the pool reading." "Yeah, I'm gonna go to my room." "Okay bye." "Bye." "I'll let you know when the appetizers get here." "All right, thanks mama." "Oh, I did good on those girls." "You know they only love you because you feed them?" "Input not recognized." "Why are you doing this to me." "Turn right and then make a U turn." "I'm getting confused again." "Five hundred feet." "What?" "U turn now." "No back." " Call voice mail." " Back." "Call Judy." "Your input was not understood." "Phone options are call, hang up," "Entry and back." "No, no no." "No no no!" "Call Doctor Brandhog Back, back call Judy." "It's always weird when the parents ask me out." "'Cause it's like are they flattering me or are they bribing me?" "Is that even allowed?" "You know, I've been single so long, it doesn't even matter." "I just roll with whatever rolls by." "When you're in my position you have to have a take what you can get attitude." "You'll see." "Yeah, I'm not really that into dating just yet" "Well you better hurry up, because the dating pool is draining fast." "So get going." "And it takes a long time to meet people, so you need to set the ground work." "You know what, okay I, I got to admit it, okay." "Maybe I have set a little ground work." "I have been, uh, dabbling in the online thing, Date Me dot com." "Date Me dot com?" "Yeah..." "Is the garage sale at seven p.m. of online dating." "No, don't tell me that." "Yeah." "I think some of those guys seems nice." "Yeah, if you like liars, phonies, scam artists." "I mean Pony Play?" "You heard about that yet?" "Yes." "Kate." "That is, you're being paranoid." "No, I am not." "I was obsessed with it for a while." "And trust me I have more stories than Scheherazade." "Kimmy was telling me that Thanksgiving is an opportunity for her to reconnect with, with connection." "Do you feel the same way?" "What makes you feel disconnected?" "Uh, disconnect." "Um - -." "Okay, um," "I" " I have a very intense relationship with my email." "And ironically that makes me feel disconnected." "Okay." "Tell me about your email dysfunction?" "Just, um, well mostly I just, I just check my email over and over and over again." "Where even I think it's crazy" "Because nothing is coming in." "But then something does come in." "And even if it's like spam or an ad or whatever," "I just feel - - validated." "Why can't we all just become lesbians?" "And buy a winery in Napa?" "Wine?" "Yes." "And we'll grow biodynamic grapes and, and make Grenache and we'll convert a barn into an art studio." "Oh that sounds delish." "Uh, you may be right about the whole lesbian thing." "Because I never felt more popular than when I was up for head curator at the O'Keefe Institute." "See?" "The only problem is all lesbians are married now." "Mm-hmm." "I mean truly there's" "The good ones." "No such thing..." "There is no such thing as a good old lesbian." "I mean who's single." "Yeah." "Unless she's a nun." "And I try to put these restrictions on it." "Like, um, you can only download once every four hours." "Or just some arbitrary number." "But then work calls, some freelance gig and they need it right away." "So." "Mm-hmm." "And, uh, you know, because your work is connected to your email." "Yeah, yeah, I'm like sitting in front of my computer all day." "So it's like, it's like I'm tempted every single second of the day." "I don't even know what I'm looking for or waiting for or hoping is gonna come in. because the truth is nothing important or interesting is coming in." "I am optimistic about my opportunities." "Well you should be, 'cause you always had better luck with men than I did." "What are you talking about?" "You had tons of boyfriends." "Yeah but they weren't like your boyfriends." "They weren't like James." "James." "Holy shit, where did you pull that from?" "Yeah but it makes me so upset when something personal ends up in my spam folder." "Although, sometimes I'll just, I'll just like approve spam just so that I get more mail." "I Mean not, not spam exactly, more just like ads." "And things like that, things that, you know, other people might not want to receive." "I just can't help it, I just like it." "I really like it." "I like having all this stuff in my" "Inbox." "I am sort of pro spam." "I had such a crush on him." "You did?" "But you won't believe what happened to him." "God, don't tell me." "Did he die?" "No worse." "He's bald." "Completely bald." "Oh well that is far worse than death." "Yeah, a bald eagle, a, a billiard ball, bald." "How do you know that he's bald?" "Google images." "Yeah, I was cyberstalking him." "Okay, you're a little tiny bit sick." "God." "Oh James." "He had such a thick head of hair." "I can't believe it, he's bald." "Oh and he was such a stallion." "Now he's a bald stallion." "It sounds like a movie, The Bald Stallion." "I believe the movie was the Black Stallion." "The bald black stallion." "That reminds me of a one-night stand I had in Algiers." "What?" "You don't know everything about me." "What would you imagine life would be like if you stopped receiving emails?" "I think that would be death." "If people stopped trying to reach me that would be like a death of sorts." "So would you say your life's value is dependent on, on the attention of others?" "Hmm, that's" "Uh." "I suddenly feel like I have said too much." "Want me to talk about Thanksgiving?" "God, I hate cranberry sauce, it's-it tastes like medicine." "No I, I much prefer hearing about your, uh, junky-esque all-consuming need for, for email love." "Jesse, mom's here." "What?" "It makes you," "It makes you, sounds like a..." "Shit!" "Sorry go ahead." "Like a walking Radiohead album." "I'm a creep." "Why didn't you park in the driveway?" "Well I thought maybe you wanted that parking space for a guest." "Well what are you not a guest?" "Hey." "Hi." "Where's your car?" "Oh it's way down there." "What?" "You walked in the heels?" "Don't talk about the car, okay." "Because I hate that car." "I am so angry with that car right now." "What happened?" "The navigation system." "It turned me around again." "Oh god you know those things are always unreliable." "Do you" "Do you think you should be driving?" "I drive just fine." "I shouldn't be listening to that ridiculous contraption in there." "I could have had one of the girls pick you up." "What is that?" "It's some homemade cranberry sauce." "I know, you told me, but, uh, you know, you don't have to use it." "No, no, no." "You don't understand-[LAUGHTER" "You saved the day." "What?" "I did?" "How did you know?" "Oh, she got canned." "Canned." "That's my daughter all right, she's been half-assing it since she was a toddler." "She's great" "Hey, is this Julie's house?" "Judy." "Ju... it's, uh, I'm Judy." "This, this is my house." "Judy" "Right, I'm Bert, a friend of Shane's." "Oh that's right, I'm sorry." "He did-he told me you were coming." "Yeah." "I'm here." "Yes, you are." "Yeah, so is dinner served?" "Not - - not quite yet." "I, I'm, I'm working on it though." "Maybe uh-90 minutes?" "I don't know." "You have to be some place?" "Oh. okay" "Well, no, I-I wouldn't have been so early." "I was at the gym." "I could have finished my workout." "Oh I gotta lose ten pounds in a week." "Ten pounds." "In a week, yeah." "You're gonna disappear." "Shh." "Why would you say disap-I'm not gonna disappear." "Why would you say that?" "No, no, no." "I just" "I don't think that she meant GINA: you really gonna..." "I mean you, look just fine." "Not gonna disappear- No, it's for a show." "I, I'm doing a, a show." "I'm sure Shane told you about it?" "Oh right, right, right." "You are the actor." " I am the actor, yes." " Right." "I'm playing an English boxer." "With a left hook, from Leeds." "Yeah, yeah." "That's how I met Shane." "I'm studying the accent." "Mm-hmm." "A friend introduced us" "Well sounds like you have quite an ear." "That's terrific." "Everybody says that, yeah." "Good for you." "Uh, by the way this is, uh, Bert, this is my mother, Gina." "Oh, yo." "Yeah, yo." "Okay why don't we, uh, come in." "Did you make some stuffing?" "Oh." "Oh it's your mom." "Well got to get back in the kitchen" "One at seven." "Hi!" "Baby, oh." "Hey man." "Hey buddy." "Well keep making me look good, little brother." "We didn't really finish." "So what's going on in here?" "Oh. uh, you know what, I'll explain it all to you inside." "Oh Let's get this in the fridge." "Okay." "Okay?" "I'm gonna help." "Do you guys have a bathroom?" "Uh-yes we do have a bathroom It's right down there." " Darling." " Hey Mom." "You." "Hi." "Yes, two minutes." "You might want to come and join us." "Okay." "Two minutes." "Whoa, you have been very busy in here." "I know it, it, it looks like a mess but there is actually a method to my madness." "My pie crusts are gonna be silky smooth and I have two stuffings." "Count them, two, that are about to go in." "And mister turkey is in here getting all golden brown." "And oh by the way mom saved the day, she made homemade cranberry sauce." "I'm a boxer from Leeds." "Yeah." "I'll mess you up." "Yeah." "Oh good." "It sounds weird but it makes me feel like I'm in control or like" "I'm, I'm like this guy with a purpose." "Oh, you know what, um, actually I have to- I'm, it, it's like a work thing." "We have uh-a treasure trove of material we can come back to later if we need to." "Oh great, yeah, yeah, yeah, just pick me up any time." "Or we'll pick it up any time." "Yeah, if I, if I need to get a hold of you." "Yeah, email." "Email as we've talked." " Yeah." "That's great, Ok." " Yeah" "Fuck." "Fuck, what is your face doing there, buddy?" "No too fat." "Jesus Christ, you need a fucking nose job, what is-?" "Happy day, mom, happy day." "Thanks." "Hi, I didn't know you were here." "Hey" "The baby boy." "I know I didn't say hi properly." "Wow." "Well, um, do you want me to do some dishes?" "You'll have a little bit more work space." "No, I don't want you to do any dishes." "I don't want you to do anything at all." "Jesse." "Yes." "I snuck a little bite of your pared rum and it was kind of fantastic" "Of course it was." "Although I do have to say it was between that and an apple pan dowdy." "Oh I can't imagine you making anything called a pan dowdy." "Maybe a brown Betty." "Ooh, I love me a brown Betty." "I actually, somewhat unsurprisingly, know a drag queen named Brown Betty." "Of course you do." "Of course I do." "What are you guys talking about?" "We are talking about cakes and pies and tarts." "Pastries and for..." "Who are you?" "What have you done with my family?" "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." "No, no, mom," "I told you I don't want you doing that." "I don't want you doing that." "Go have a drink you guys." "Have fun." "Spirits!" "Now you're talking." "Come on mom." "You have the ingredients?" "Of course I do." "Thanksgiving is about the two Toms" "Tom Turkey and Tom Collins." "That's right." "That's my kids." "Come on, let me make you one." "Yeah, I almost got lost." "I'm gonna catch up with you guys in two seconds." "What?" "Oh my god what is the huge, giant emergency?" "I turned on Bottom Feeder, Rick's on it, shirtless." "What?" "It said the guy was eight feet away." "Well how, how, how do you know it's him?" "It looked like a torso that could belong to him." "And it said his tribe is discreet." "Was that English hipster on there?" "You know, I've always had that Bowie thing." "No, next closest guy is a thousand and 32 feet away, 78 years old and likes P and P and NSA." "Fuck, I mean did you message the torso?" "I'm thinking about it." "He's hot, and smart." "No, no, because what about Georgia?" "I mean she gave up so much for him, her entire career." "Who's Georgia?" "That's Georgia." "That Georgia" "Oh she's really pretty." "If I liked girls I'd be all over that." "You and Rick really do have a lot in common, apparently." "Hi boys, why don't you come in here and keep me company?" "Oh my god." "Just act really casual." "Oh." "I just use it to tune out, because I just want to be told what to do. 'Cause I don't like thinking when I'm driving." "Probably not what the GPS people had in mind." "It's so depressing to get lost, Kate." "It worries me." "That my mind is going." "That's how I am every single day, and I'm not even menopausal, much." "It wouldn't bother me either if people didn't just come flying at me like that." "They just whizz on by like crazy people." "It can make your head spin." "It makes mine spin." "You should see the kids at school." "I mean they are so speeded up by the internet And they're all on Adderall so it cracks them out even more." "You know, they can't even read a short story." "We've completely given up on novels." "Hi." "Hey, oh those are so pretty." "Oh thank you, I figured I'd do something with my unused creative talents." "Um, I'm sorry, uh, this is my friend Dylan." "Hi, Dylan." "I saw you guys conspiring over there." "What's going on?" "Whose boyfriend ran off with somebody else, huh?" "What's going on?" "Tell me." "No, no secrets." "No gay secrets." "No." "Okay well that's a bummer, I wanted some gossip." "Uh, Jesse?" "Yeah." "How are you?" "Fine." "I mean, you know, fine." "Good." "Just work, email, work, email, work, email." "Cheating at paleo, email." "Same old, same old." "Getting kids to read books was always a chore." "So it's easier just to have given up on it completely." "Now that is sad." "What's gonna happen to books?" "I mean even the word book has a negative connotation to it now." "You know we're thinking of assigning graphic novels?" "Comic books, to fool them." "Sort of a literary bait and switch for these dark times." "Oh." "If you ask me," "I think we're raising a society of nincompoops." "Strong thumbed nincompoops." "What do you suppose he's doing over there?" "Case in point." "What about you?" "Fine too, not working." "Distracted husband." "Expiring biological clock." "Yeah, I, I-I mean I thought things were going really well for you." "Judy always brags about how great you're doing..." "You know what, I, I got caught up in the LA lifestyle." "I stopped taking gigs, I started doing Pilates, my career is going nowhere." "But I have a seriously strong core." "What about you?" "How are you, sweetheart?" "Are you happy?" "Huh?" "Yeah." "I'm so happy to see you." "Oh well, I'm, I'm as well as can be expected, mom." "Oh I'm so happy to hear that." "Yeah." "But Judy, Judy's having a hard time with this divorce." "That man was a millstone around her neck." "But he sure made beautiful babies." "I'd give anything for a millstone." "Oh stop it." "You've had so many opportunities." "You've always been a free spirit." "Always." "That's what you are." "A free spirit." "It's such a nice Yeah." "Way of saying free on a Friday night." "How, how did you meet Judy?" "She reviewed a show of mine back when I was doing fine art a hundred years ago." "They were New York City gal pals." "Yeah." "How 'Sex in The City'" "Oh Samantha, Really." "Guilty as charged." "And then you moved to LA and settled down?" "Why?" "Oh you know, the reason, it's always the same reason, a guy." "Yeah but I mean Rick is like, he's kind of a good reason." "I mean you like being married to Rick?" "Yes." "Um, marriage is a process of self-discovery." "Can you hold it steady please?" "Mm-hmm." "This will take just a nanosecond." "No, I, I can't fix it unless you hold it." "Mm-hmm." "Ah, wait, you know bending down like this hurts my back." "Well my readers need to know about this." "It's my responsibility." "Are you using your ethnic avatar or your white one this time?" "Honey Girl 21 is for Hayneedle only." "I'm white everywhere else." "You know that." "How could I forget that?" "Can I read it to you?" "Do I have a choice?" "Ah, you know what, maybe it's not bending down-Maybe it's just you." "Ignoring that. "Mommy monster here." "Just pulling up to T-day dinner and the new cart turns out to be a T-urd." "See the pics below." "Now on to Yelp to collapse this cart out of business." What do you think?" "It's kind of funny, right" "Oh that's great, you're like the Ralph Nader of Amazon." "Can you help me?" "Ralph Nader of Amazon." "Oh, I like that." "Yeah, just a second, I got to post this on Yelp now." "Jesus, honey, we're already late." "Your guacamole's gonna turn brown." "The guac can wait." "This can't." "Where was I. Oh I love this part." ""At the bottom of her heart, however, she was waiting for something to happen." "Like shipwrecked sailors she turned despairing eyes upon the solitude of her life." "Seeking a far off, some white sail in the mists of the horizon."" " And its got that real feel." " It's the oil." "The olive oil." "It makes-looks like an oil." "Oh." "What's that?" "Oh well this is a triple martini." "No one talks about it, but the pilgrims were plastered." "Uh-the pilgrims and the Indians that's the thing." "Oh, sorry." "I'm Shane." "Oh." "I'm friends with Judy." "Uh-huh, I'm Kate, Judy's sister." " Hello." "And this is our mom, Gina." "Ah, the queen mother, nice to meet you." "Happy turkey leg as they say." "Thanks." "Shane, huh?" "Now that is a real solid name." "Did you ever see the movie?" "The old movie called Shane?" "No." "It was one of my favorites when I was a little girl." "I've heard of it, but I've not seen it." "It's something about a, uh, heroic dog, isn't it?" "No, it, uh, how could you not see a movie that has your name?" "It's just not very, uh, popular in England, I don't think." "Did you ever see it, honey?" "Oh come on, it's an old American classic." "Oh, it's wonderful." "You'd both love it, I know." "You should see it." "Done." "First thing on the to-do list, right?" "Because we have so much time." "I mean who has time for anything." "It takes a lot of time to see an entire movie." "What about TV?" "I used to TiVo Guiding Light, but they cancelled that." "So I watch webisodes, YouTube videos, you know, like a minute, two maybe." "Who has time for anything longer?" "Seriously, I'm," "I'm busy online doing other stuff." "Doing what?" "I do a little, uh, online dating here and there." "I heard on The Today Show that a lot of mature women are having great success meeting men." "On the web." "Mature is 35, I'm old." "You're not old." "You're just seasoned, baby." "I'm the seasons, I'm many, many seasons." "No, you are a very enticing woman." "Oh." "You know, they say there are a lot of older men in the web as well." "Aren't they looking for girlfriends, hmm?" "Why are you asking him?" "I'm on there, day and night, all right." "There are no men." "I think every man has his filter set for under 50." "And every man worth dating under 30." "The same 12 men keep popping up over and over again." "And they're really old," "I mean they are really old Methuselahs, okay?" "And so then I have to lie about my age." "And I do not think about it as lying, because I have to level the playing field." "I mean these men don't know who I am." "They don't know what a vibrant 50-year-old woman I am." "And I'm a giver." "That's right." "I'm a giver." "You want to date a taker, date a 20 year old, okay." "But I'm a giver." "Yes you are." "The male brain is compartmentalized, right." "So it can only focus on one thing at a time." "And they can never see the big picture." "That's science, Shane." "But men are vain, they're vain, they're vain motherfuckers, I'm telling you." "I mean they just sit there and they think that young woman are gonna fall all over the potbellied, silver-haired" "Yeah. daddies." "I mean do you ever see a guy over 50 doing a sit-up?" "Never." "Never." "Do you ever see them in spinning class?" "Mm-mm." "No, never." "Hey, Rick, you go to Soul Cycle lately?" "Pilates?" "We're having a conversation, come here." "I, actually I'm just kind of waiting for a call" "I'm, I'm gonna make the call right now." "Okay." "Alright-Yeah." "Excuse me." "Well he's not over 50, but you know what I mean." "That's the point." "The whole thing is just such a joke." "It really is a joke" "Is something wrong, sweetheart?" "Hey, it's this cheap vodka that makes me combative." "My sister and her CVS booze." "I love it." "It's very Liz Taylor circa, well, circa anytime" "I suppose." "So what's your story?" "In terms of what?" "Love." "We don't talk about love in Britain." "I love the queen, that's all you're gonna get out of me." "That's nice." "All right, well." "Is, is the queen single?" "No, she's married to Prince Phillip." "Of course she's married to a prince, 'cause she's a greedy bitch." "Yeah." "We love her anyway though." "And I always think a queen should be a little bit greedy, you know." "Some guy just tweeted asking if I'm enjoying my eel and teriyaki turkey." "Who are these people?" "Gun show 87." "Give me a break." "Everything okay?" "No, everything is not okay." "My phone has chosen to abandon me in my hour of need." "It says no access to the Internet." "Okay, did you restart it?" "Yes, Kimmy, I restarted it." "Hey, easy." "Um, did you check the settings?" "'Cause sometimes the settings I don't know-I don't know are off." "And you reset it?" "From settings" "Well just okay, I just" "It, it's just supposed to work." "Okay, let me check." "Okay, okay 'cause it, it's an emergency." "All the recipes for" "Thanksgiving are bookmarked on there." "It's coming back on." "No, I know it comes on." "It's just I can't get online." "Okay don't worry I'll get you back online." "Okay please, please." "If you don't it's gonna be the worst" "Thanksgiving since the great salmonella gravy scare of 1996." "We-go get it." "I will get you back online." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "I'm going this way." "I'm going that way." "Stir that broth, it's for the vegan turkey stuffing." "Okay I got it." "Go." " Okay." "Thank you Kimmy." " Yes." "Go, Go." "Hello?" "You did what?" "No, sorry I, I can't hear you." "Hang on," "I'm going to go outside." "You're breaking up." "Look like you just-no, it's not-Hi." "Hey." "Hi." "So good to see you honey." "Hey Judy, sorry we're late." "It's after three." "I know, I was working." "Yeah, not blogging." "Yeah." "Hey Jennifer." "Hey." "Look how cute, she's so big.." "I know, she is." "I have a crisis." "Oh, oh, what happened?" " Well I, I can't get online on my phone." " What?" "Hey." "And I... bookmarked all the recipes and if we don't get back on, appetizers is all we're having." "Honey that's not gonna happen." "I know that I'm late, but I'm here now to help. okay" "David, set up the cheese platter." "Oh, I'm not mad at a cheese platter." "Oh and take her somewhere and park her." "Park her?" "I, You, you know what I mean." "God, I mean I'm just Jewish men are so sensitive." "Oh you stop it, it's not that he's Jewish." "He's stupid." "See you at dinner." "Come on, sweetie." "Oh, okay." "Hello." "Come on, baby, I might need you to pick up the front." "What are we looking at first?" "Tofu stuffing from Lizzie Emerald's website." "Ooh, you like Lizzie Emerald?" "Well she's supposed to be a total bitch." "How do you know something like that?" "Who's a bitch dot com." "There is a website called who's a bitch dot com?" "How do you not know that?" "I don't know-'cause I'm not" "Well I'm" "Shi-my broth." "Ooh, oh" "Oh no." "Do you need that?" "Yes I need it, it's for the stuffing." "Oh shit." "Shit!" "Honey, I told you, you" "Oh!" "Oh see I-you should have done potluck." "I'm just." "Potluck?" "No." "Yes." "I wanted a homemade, beautiful Vintage Thanksgiving." "You know what I mean, like." "Making things by hand." "Nobody, nobody makes things anymore." "It's all attach and send." "And download." "Oh" "Wow, is that supposed to be happening?" "Wow. 550 seems really high." "No, no, no, no no." "Please." "Well there's no temperature consensus online and" "Oh." "And I surveyed like a dozen recipes." "Shit." "Ah." "Oh..." "Oh no." "Oh dear." "Oh no, no, no, no." "There's no use crying over burnt turkey." "Hey." "It's like turkey jerky." "No fuck turkey jerky." "I wanted juicy turkey." "Yeah well." "I wanted better fucking homes and gardens magazine turkey." "I wanted turkey to make Martha Stewart wet." "You know, I shouldn't have relied on this fucking thing." "Well you're never there when I need you." "Why are you never there when I need you?" "Come in." "Hello, my gorgeous niece." "Hi." "When did you get here?" "You hiding out?" "This is the commotion free zone." "Hurricane Thanksgiving, it's like a goddamn category seven out there." "Yeah." "You have the right idea." "What are you now, like 40?" "Sixteen." "But my ID says 18." "You little criminal." "I bet the boys are going crazy over you." "Do you have a boyfriend?" "There's a guy I'm seeing, but no one would approve, so." "Mmm- It's nothing." "I know the feeling." "Remember when I dated that Scientologist?" "Oh, it's not that bad He's just older." "Okay yeah but how much older?" "Like do I need to kick his ass or-?" "No Uncle Jesse, I can kick his ass myself." "Fine, but if you need me to Kung-fu chop one of your dates you just text me." "Okay." "Okay." "Hey, what about you?" "You seeing anyone special?" "I can't really seem to meet anyone." "Come on." "There are tons of gay guys out there." "No, I'm serious, this is like the best time in history to be gay." "Uh-uh." "You should get on Bottom Feeder." "Wait, how do you know about Bottom Feeder?" "I, I love BF." "Why do you have a gay dating app?" "Duh, 'cause it lets me rate hot guys." "Here, let's see." "I can't believe you know about this app." "Everyone does, it's like legendary." "Oh let me see your account." "I'll help you" "No." "No, 100 percent no." "Please." "No, what the hell is wrong with you?" "No, maybe later, but just" "Yes." "So wait" "I" " I don't understand." "Like what, what do you even use for a profile pic?" "Oh I use the torso of Antonio Sabato Junior." "Of course." "You want to see?" "Yeah, seriously he's hot." "Oh my gosh, what?" "I have like zero bars." "Hmm." "I usually have at least two." "You broke it." "No I didn't." "You broke your phone." "Oh." "Come on." "Hey, come over here." "I thought we agreed no phones on the holiday." "Yeah, I know." "But, uh, I don't know these people that well." "They're your friends." "So what am I supposed to do?" "What are you talking about?" "You've got Kimmy, she's your sports buddy." "You love Kimmy." "Yes, yes, I, I love Kimmy, she's great and she's so much fun to talk to about sports." "And that lasts five to ten minutes." "And then what am I supposed to do?" "Rick, we made an agreement." "Okay." "Okay?" "Okay." "Okay." "I'm sorry, the phone is in my pocket." "Okay." "Now." "So what's up?" "Will you please make me a mojito?" "That's it?" "That's, that's why you called me over here, so I could be your manservant and make you drinks?" "You know I love the way you make them." "Oh boy," "Oh." "Yeah, okay." "I guess I'll make a mojito." "You know what, don't trouble yourself." "You know what, why don't you make me a mojito." "Yeah." "I mean" "I'm at your friend's house, I'm here for you." "I'm being a good boy." "Why should I put on a display?" "I mean it's the holidays, I should be able to be myself, yes?" "Yes, and why does being yourself always mean being by yourself?" "Okay that conversation." "No, stop it." "Will you just, Georgia, I will make you your drink." "Now you have to stop nagging me." "I just thought that my husband would want to spend five minutes with me on Thanksgiving." "You know what I mean?" "Muddle a little mint, engage with some people." "Forget it." "Georgia." "Come here." "You really take that give right out of Thanksgiving." "Just so you know." "Good to know." "You okay playing your game, honey?" "Yeah, daddy." "Okay." "Fox playing break-up songs and he's taking bar stools... cigarette smoke and name tags." "All right, are those boiled?" "Did you just see me take them off the stove?" "I don't know if they're done yet." "They're boiling hot." "Okay." "Yeah, but I didn't peel them." "Oh." "Because I wasn't sure if you were supposed to peel them first." "Oh no, no, no, no." "Peeling sounds like so much work." "Or peel them" "And besides, no, but the..." "And now they're hot so I don't skin has like amino acid and fiber know if I can get" "Gets you nice and regular Thanksgiving is not about amino acids and fiber and keeping regular." "It should be about keeping regular." "It's not." "It's about creamy, white perfection" "Excuse me, creamy white perfection?" "What if I want chunky black?" "That's yummy." "Well when you do" "Thanksgiving you can do chunky black." "No, see I'm not gonna do Thanksgiving for this very reason." "I mean look" "Holy shit." "I totally forgot." "What?" "A cookbook." "I have one Oh." "Actual book with pages and here it is right-oh, holy shit." "What?" "Classic French cooking." "Oh honey the word Thanksgiving's not even in the French vocabulary." " No, no, no, no, no, no, it's okay." " Well" "We're gonna change it up. we are gonna have a thanksgiving with a, with a European flair." "Okay but there is no mashed potatoes in" "What's the word for-French cooking they gratine them or- or gratan them potato." "Well then, we will gratine them." "Whatever." "I mean-Okay." "They're gone." "Come on!" "viva la France." "No you're right, you're absolutely right." "How do you say potato in French?" "Potato?" "Pomme, pomme." "I think it's a pomme frites." "Yeah, we are gonna have a Parisian Thanksgiving." "He was so wound up." "Yeah, it's just Bert's way of coping with life as a rarely employed Los Angeles actor." "Oh great." "If you ask me that's a very sad way to live." "He's always on a leash, paranoid he's gonna miss something." "Mm, there are worse ways to make a living." "Yeah, try public school teaching when the Republicans are in charge." "Hey." "Except for the great communicator." "Right." "I was a substitute school teacher." "Thirty years." "I went home for the day, my work was over." "The constancy of the iPhone age must be, uh, very different from your generation, hmm?" "Oh my generation." "Are you implying my generation is so far from yours?" "I didn't mean it in a negative way." "You never say generation to a woman." "I was just trying to get your goat." "Mom's still quick as a wit." "Better mind the gap." "About most things." "Not everything." "Uh I think the mind blossoms with age." "You know, uh, the insight from a lifetime of experience must be invaluable?" "Yes." "Although some 70 year olds are just as clueless as 20 years olds." "So uh, so how is your online love life." "Excuse Me?" "KATE:" "Oh." "If this trumps mine I'm switching to a quadruple martini." "How's your love life, mom?" "I, uh, I really haven't signed up yet." "Why not?" "'Cause I don't like the Internet." "I don't trust it." "It's better for younger people I think." "How so?" "Do you mind if I record this?" "Record?" "Why?" "Well it's, uh, it's for a little project." "You can approve it before I post it, I promise." "Oh, better get that in writing mom." "Does Judy know about this?" "Uh, she's totally on board." "Okay." "Okay?" "So?" "How is the Internet from your perspective?" "Well I do try to keep up with everything." "I, I want to be savvy about the Internet, about all this new technology coming around." "But it is so much and it, it's, it's too fast." "It comes flying at you, it makes my head spin." "I, I am afraid I am one click away from somebody having all of my information." "I was watching 20/20." "You, you ever see that?" "Mm-hmm." ""20/20"." "And they said that if anybody ever gets your information, you, your life is never the same." "They ruin your credit." "And even the credit guys, they cannot fix it." "So-I'm not for that." "Besides it's very isolating." "You know, to sit there for hours all by yourself." "Trying to figure things out." "I like people." "I," "I like to talk." "I, I like to go to the store." "This probably doesn't make much sense to you, being younger-how old are you?" "Thirty." "Oh lord." "God." "I was probably at a Bangles concert when you were born." "You grew up with computers, didn't you?" "I have." "Well how would you like it if you spent your whole life and all of a sudden a computer comes along and it's in charge of everything." "But do you feel things have got better as a whole?" "One hundred percent worse." ""She listened to every sound, sprang up with a start, wondered that it did not come." "And then at sunset, always more saddened, she longed for the morrow." "Me love you long time." "This is supposed to be sports." "No, I, I understand I'm not supposed to take" "Okay." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Fuck." "Hey man." "Hey." "You know where the John is?" "I got to drain the lizard." "Yeah I think the, uh, I think the main bathroom is on the other end of the house." "This everything here seems to be connected to a bedroom." "So." "Yeah, thanks." "Haven't I seen you before?" "No-I don't think so." "Maybe it wasn't in person or your, your whole person." "I'm sorry what's that?" "Maybe we met in the cyberspace?" "I don't think so, I-are you in one of my fantasy football leagues?" "No I'm pretty sure it was a different district of the cyber hood." "Well I'm pretty sure that I don't know what you're talking about then, dude." "Dude." "Most smart married men turn off their Bottom Feeder before going to a Thanksgiving dinner." "Eight feet away is so dumb." "Like I said I'm not sure I know what you're talking about." "Tell-I'm telling you," "I don't care." "Do not care." "Not going to say anything." "Fucking phone, man." "I turn the goddamn app off it comes back on." "I turn it off, it comes on again." "Fucking headache." "I've always wanted to be someone's mistress." "Says maybe it's time for a little iPhone espionage." "Yeah, I already did that." "Ah." "Hey." "I believe you ordered one ice cold mojito." "That is so sweet." "Thank you." "Oh, how's it going out here?" "Meltdown at work." "And the cell phones are dead." "The rapture has begun." "No, don't worry, I'm sure they will get the phones working again." "Mm, for the sake of my marriage I kind of hope they don't." "What's that mean?" "Rick is a phone junky." "He's on his phone all day and all night." "You know, I have my own strange addict." "Yeah, it's my wife." "She, uh, she's like a human Pinterest board." "What does that mean?" "Uh, Petra, she just reviews everything under the sun and over the sun." "I mean she, she'll review a gas station if she doesn't like the gas pump or, or write four-page blog entries on what her favorite varieties of flavored lip gloss are." "You know, and she gets so fired up when people like her reviews or comment on her analysis or, or re-tweet her tweets." "It's like she's having a fucking orgasm." "Oh." "You know, she's posting or vining or tumbler-ing or insta-ing or whatever." "I don't know." "Maybe we should start a support group." "Step one." "Step one, Rick should throw his phone in the middle of the ocean if it would make you happy." "Work." "You will work." "You will listen to me, I am your master, you will work, work." "Be a good phone." "Be good." "Okay stay very still, be good, that's it." "That's it, be good." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "I think I recognize you." "Aren't you that Yeah." "Guy from, um?" "Yep." "Yep, I am that guy, yeah." "I used to love that show when I was a kid." "Oh this is not working." "I have to send a selfie to my agent right now." "I have to look aggressive." "Are you a friend of my mom's?" "I've been on other shows since you were a little kid, just so you know." "I didn't mean anything by that." "I" "I did not disappear." "I did not disappear." "Are you okay?" "The phone isn't working." "Do you want to borrow my phone?" "No, fuck, work, would you please, would you please work, would you please work for me?" "Would you please, someone be here, please." "Please god help." "It's hard to find time to listen." "Petra and I have been together for 12 years and I, I feel like I have to squeeze in alone time with a crowbar." "The records just stack up." "My first boyfriend and I would lie there for hours listening to records." "Lots of James Taylor, Joni Mitchell." "Mm, tuning into the music, watching the records go round and round for hours." "I'd love to do that again." "Petra listens to one song and she wants to review the entire album online." "It kind of ruins the magic." "It's kind of like when I take Rick to a gallery show." "He shoots a photo of a picture on the wall without even looking at it." "It's like he wants to preserve a memory that hasn't even happened yet." "Yeah, how about those people who record the entire concert" "Oh!" "On their phone." "Are they even listening?" "Agreed!" "So not what a concert is about." "Agreed." "Anyway, now they're using their phones as lighters." "Yes, totally, it's so lame" "I'm gonna see if Judy needs rescuing." "Uh, do you want to hang out here for a bit?" "Yeah, sure." "I'm no use in the kitchen anyway." "I'll uh, let your spouses know you're out here." "Ah no need, I'm sure Petra's busy cooking." "And Rick's busy texting." "Ah!" "Hi!" "My girl." "Right." "I'm so happy to see you." "Oh, I'm so happy to see you." "Come on, sit down." "Okay." "Wait, does anyone know the whack job outside?" "He's acting like he's on bad hallucinogens." "That's my friend Bert, I invited him." "He may well have swallowed his spray tan again." "He's on drugs too?" "At Thanksgiving?" "No, it's just that his drama teacher tries to get him to stay in character for days at a time." "Last month it was a Smurf." "It's a grim business, I'll go check he's okay." "It's nice to see you again." "Nice to see you." "What were you talking about with Mom's latest art pet?" "He's doing research for his new grog." "Oh Grammy it's not grog, it's blog" "Well good." "Because when I hear the word grog" "I get thirsty." "I think there's really a lot to say about your generation." "And all of this technology." "You sound like such a grandma right now." "My generation, and grogs?" "Okay smarty pants." "What do you think about all this?" "Huh?" "You want to know a secret?" "Of course." "It is the older people that take the Internet too seriously." "It is moms who get in posting fights on Facebook." "I mean my generation, we know how to shut off our phones." "We know better than anyone else the difference between real communication and cyber communication." "Like I have no problem not responding to a text because" "I know it's not the end of the world." "And I expect people that I text to feel the same way." "Hmm." "I just don't think it's our generation's fault if stupid people take their phones too seriously." "They have an off button just like we do." "There's a guy and he won't stop texting me." "And he's just doing it for himself." "I mean he's addicted to the validation of me texting him back." "But it has nothing to do with me." "I know that." "I don't think he does, which actually gives me all the power" "Yes." "I think that my generation knows what to do when it all becomes too much." "We ignore it." "Well You just got to recognize it for what it is, you know, it's a tool." "It's just a tool." "It's like a scale or a blender." "The day my scale texts me is the day I shoot myself." "[KITCHEN NOISES" "Here we are in the nerve center" "Oh of the house, the kitchen." "Where we find our hostess." "Shane out out, out, out." "Oh, what's wrong, what's wrong with this?" "What's wrong with it?" "The- this is not what my kitchen looks like" "This is not what I look like." "Mess is part of the creative process." "I once took a tour of Damien Hirst's studio." "The effluvium was very, very similar." "What do we have in here?" "Ah, no peaking." "Oh." "That is the turkey" "Oh okay it's a lit- it's a little black." "Is it a Cajun turkey?" "Uh, the-it's meant to be Amish." "Let's put some suspenders on it then." "Perhaps a little hat." "And what do we have here?" "Really?" "This-potatoes" "Oh-okay." "Um, so this will be mashed potatoes." "And, um, I boiled them and I, I wasn't sure about the skin so I am improvising." "Oh okay well a little bit of that and the, and the black meat, you'd have a very passable shepherd's pie." "Oh god, you're right about that." "There's a bit of irony" "Because I am serving Britain's national dish on" "American Thanksgiving, to a Brit." "Who's this, what's that?" "Oh, oh sorry I thought I told you." "This is Shane." "And he's a, a conceptual artist." "And he's blogging about our Thanksgiving." "Blog?" "I wouldn't say I was a conceptual artist." "It's more, uh, reality television meets, uh, Dada." " Dada?" "Mama, dada, what " " I know you were speaking English." "Maybe the beginning part." "Is he speaking English?" "Oh come on, he's speaking with an accent, it's still English." "What, uh, what, what are you doing here?" "Ah." "Replacement stuffing." "You don't stuff it in the turkey?" "Uh, well some people do." "Most don't." "Uh, god, you-thi-this holiday is full of misnomers." "I'm still unclear on why you persist on using the term Indian." "Oh well that's a funny thing because Columbus, he was headed for India. and he got Uh, whoa, Excuse me." "Excuse me." "I didn't give you permission to film me." "Oh I'm sorry, I uh" "I" "I'm sure you did and maybe she did too, but really you shouldn't have." "Oh, uh, it's all right, I'll, I'll sw... switch it off now." "And, uh, please my, my-I apologize." "Oh, No, no, no." "That's on me, I'm sorry." "Petra, I told him that it would be okay." "For this blogger to film this blogger?" "Oh my god, I didn't even really think about it like that." "I no-um-I..." "It's not really the same thing." "I'm gonna go find my friend Bert." "So, uh." "Oh." "Good luck with it, Judy, very nice to meet you, uh" "Petra." "Petra." "That's right." "Okay Yeah" "Right, okay." "Shane." "Who is that limey poser?" "I think he's kind of adorable." "He's not adorable." "He's a remnant of my past art life." "Well if that is your art life, I'm glad it's in your past." "No, we have to stop, we have to stop." "We can't do this." "Why?" "That was pretty good." "We just, we, I want to, and we're going to." "I just" "It's Thanksgiving, my wife is right down the hall." "Okay well maybe we can message each other on Bottom Feeder?" "That's a very good idea." "I'll send you a unicorn right now." "If I can get the goddamn thing to work." "This phone, uh, no- It won't load." "All this talk of unicorns and loads is making me hungry" "Uh-This thing is not working." "Okay." "I don't want any, mom." "There you go." "Are you sure you should be drinking all that" "On an empty stomach?" "It's better this way." "I don't like watching you get drunk like this honey." "Then don't." "You know, it was never like this when Adam was around" "Twelve years, what a waste." "How is he?" "Do you know?" "Well he seems really happy on Facebook." "Oh my gosh he just seems so happy with his wife and his daughter" "I'm sorry." "But thanks for asking." "I'm, uh-I know how hard that must be for you." "It's not exactly like I had a that must be for you." "Great role model for marital bliss." "I don't want to get into that, Kate." "I know you don't." "You just left me to clean up all your messes." "That is quite enough." "Thank you." "I'm gonna go out and and see Zoe." "See if she's learned anything." "Wherever she's learning it." "She's such a little showoff, that Zoe." "But she will learn." "Boys don't make passes at girls who make passes." "Oh god." "Mm." "What?" "What's wrong now?" "Mm, it's, mm-mm." "I mean you really can taste that this is straight out of a box." "Well did you follow the instructions?" "You mean add water to contents of box and stir?" "Yeah, I did that." "Okay you know what, that is not helping." "Oh-Jesus!" "A little snarky, to tell you the truth." "I thought that out of the box foods were just supposed to work." "Honey, nothing ever just works." "That's why you're supposed to research and read reviews before you buy." "Okay, well who has time to do that?" "With the Internet it takes no time." "You know, most people don't remember this, but not so long ago there was very little we could do when something didn't work." "And now, you know, if there's something that's not working or there's a manufacturer's problem I now have a place where I can go to complain." "Like my voice is actually being heard." "I feel like my entire life I've been collecting information and, and, and observations and, and thoughts and, you know, I've - - god, I've just wanted to let it all out." "You know?" "I feel like my whole life's experience has led to something." "And people have learned that I know something, and they care that" "I know something." "I mean, you know, every time somebody likes one of my reviews, I feel like I've made an impact in the world." "That I've mattered." "That I've helped someone." "I don't know." "I know it sounds silly." "But some people do community service, some people do art, and some people post." "Someone like Cartier-Bresson, the reason his images are so wonderful is because you could feel him being engaged in the life he was photographing." "He, he said something once like photography is nothing, it's life that I'm interested in." "And I just feel like it's the opposite of that now." "I mean people just snap and post without even looking at what they're shooting half the time." "Hello guys, uh, so, uh, tempers are flaring a little bit." "So if you could get any footage, uh, near the windows, that would be great." "Just sort of make sure you stay out of sight." "And, uh, yeah things are going well and I'll speak to you later." "Okay." "Just-put my picture up there so I, I can hear it from other guys that I'm attractive." "That they can let me know what they feel." "My wife, she, sh-she doesn't say it, she doesn't" "She's not turned on by me maybe, I don't know, maybe she is." "I just don't, I don't feel it." "I, uh-does that make any sense?" "I don't know, I-I- don't hook up with guys there." "I don't, I have, but I" "I don't." "That's not me." "I mean I'm, I'm s " " I'm straight." "Okay, I'm gonna, I want to give you my number." "But you're gonna have to be discreet." "Please." "You know the problem with apps like Bottom Feeder is that they just, they just impede the natural progress of the inevitable." "You sinner boys need more time." "Rap, sat " " Saturday," "Ah." "Eight points for that word." "Ah!" "JESSE:" "Because I am smart and you are not." "Because I am amazing at Boggle." "Okay yeah, yeah, you're bomb at Boggle." "Yes, I am." "Thank you." "Wow, I forgot the sound of joy." "Uncle Jesse's just showing off." "Yeah, we figured with the cell phones out we would go retro with a board game." "Ooh, how subversive." "Before you know it we'll be talking to each other." "How are things in the kitchen of mayhem?" "Well, you know, that Petra is in there quote helping her." "Okay well Petra's a ball buster." "She'll make sure that poor dead turkey flies." "Well hey, do you want to play another round with us?" "Oh wow, yeah." "God, I loved board games." "Then I did this Monopoly speed dating thing." "Oh, don't ever do it." "Fun-." "We're just counting up the scores from the last round." "Yeah, I know." "Wow, aw, I forgot." "All these little pieces, it's so- and the sand timer." "Well mom's had this game for forever." "I guess we kind of grew out of it." "We used to play all the time." "With your dad?" "Yeah." "He loves board games." "Games in general." "Kate, enough." "Hmm, uh, what kind of games did you play when you guys were little?" "Oh well, hmm, my big sisters used to like to dress me up." "Really?" "Yeah, we put pink bows in his hair." "Pink bows." "'Cause he was always gay." "Always." "And then Mom would play those little, these like little folk songs and we would dance." "'Cause she had this, um, what was the, it was like a little guitar?" " Ukulele." " The ukulele." "Right." "And, and she knew maybe three chords." "But she could play a thousand songs with these three chords." "Like, uh " "Camp town races." "Doo-da, doo-da." "Doo-da." "And, um, the Clementine, my darling Clementine." "Oh." "Are those like hippy songs?" "No, they are old, fun-LILLY:" "Oww!" " campfire songs." "Wait, what's a campfire?" "I'm kidding, I'm sorry." "Kate." "Oh yeah, shaky, shaky, shaky..." "You can do it." "You can do it, come on." "Oh, come on you little fuckhead." "Work." "Work, please work." "Bert," "Just fuck, what the?" "Who, who are you?" "How do you know my real name?" "You are having another of your episodes." "A moment of psychosis brought on by traumatic phone withdrawal." "What?" "This is your superego speaking." "The part of your own mind that is self-critical." "Oh." "I always knew I had an ego." "I assumed it was super." "You must begin an important change." "Change, change, change, change." "One that begins with a search." "Okay wait-what, what, what search?" "For tranquility." "For silence." "And most of all for meaning." "Meaning what?" "Well it's great looking at you out here." "Hey, Granny." "I'm not disturbing you am I?" "No, no, not at all." "Please sit down." "Okay." "How's auntie Kate?" "She's drunk again." "That must be hard for you to watch." "Mm." "I suppose I should be used to it after all these years." "But although the last time I really thought it was the last time." "Hey guys, I'm trying to find my friend Bert." "You haven't seen him, have you?" "He probably took one look at that torched turkey and he headed straight for Denny's." "Torched Turkey sounds like an indie band." "Speaking of missing persons I'm gonna go look for my wife." "Yeah, you do that, Rick." "See you, Dylan." "How'd your interview with, uh, Jesse go?" "Yeah, no, he's, he's, uh, he's an interesting guy." "He kind of he wants to live in a world of email." "You know, like, uh, Tron but more banal." "Want another interview per chance?" "Yeah, I need to locate my friend Bert." "There are rumors that he's, uh, he's acting like himself." "Well we can do it fast." "And, uh, I might be too fat and stuffed after dinner to have my picture taken, so." "Okay." "Sure, yeah, if, if you don't mind, uh, doing a, a fast one." "Famous for fast ones." "It's an American thing." "Okay." "Like, uh, fast food?" "I wish that something or someone would come along and she could find some happiness." "Mm-hmm." "Sometimes I worry that it's all my fault." "No, no, Granny." "Of course it's not." "It's like me worrying about" "Mom's divorce." "There's only so much you can do." "You have taken such good care of her." "I have had to learn to set boundaries." "Believe me it's better that way." "But when it's your child, it's so hard." "Look at all of mine." "They're all unhappy." "Well unhappiness is just part of the human condition." "It's like what I'm reading about in French class." "So much of life is about waiting for something to happen." "And the sadness when it doesn't happen." "Petra and I tried to have a rule where we turned off our phone one day a week." "Technology free day." "Ironically it was supposed to help us connect." "How did that go?" "I kept catching her little cheats as she'd call them." "But, um, they weren't little cheats to me." "When I started I, I wanted people to talk about their past and, and how they give thanks for their so-called blessings." "But all anyone seems to want to talk about is technology." "So what comes to mind when, when turkey and technology and, and family merge?" "Um, okay wow, that's intense." "Um, I-I was a latch key kid." "Um, I was, you know, I'd come home every day and just be alone for four or five hours." "And so I'd just rely on myself." "Find ways to keep myself entertained." "To not, uh, feel lonely." "I guess the phone reminds me of that." "Do you call the phone mommy or daddy?" "Well I guess it, it's a little bit of both." "I have these," "I have these strange ideas of the future sometimes." "Um, like someday when we're born we'll be handed a phone and it becomes our, our nanny, our teacher, our friend and companion." "Well I suppose little children are everywhere with their phones now." "Totally." "Do you think that's a bad development?" "To have people brought up by phone nannies, as you suggest?" "I don't." "There's some piss poor parenting out there." "But a phone, a phone can watch over you, make sure you don't get lost." "It can make sure you get fed on time." "It can teach you new things." "But doesn't that take away a, a human element?" "I mean studies have shown there are, that a bottle isn't the same as the nipple, for example." "If a phone can teach you how to play a chord, what's the need for a music teacher?" "If, if a phone can inspire me to workout, what's the need for a coach?" "Yeah surely there's, there's something missing?" "I mean-All these jobs, they're not just mechanical." "Or, well maybe they are" "Don't worry about David and Jennifer, they, they'll just be fine." "In fact I should probably look on them." "Oh hey Kimmy." "Hi." "So, uh, have you seen David?" "Wh-why, why do you suddenly look like that?" "What?" "Where is he?" "He's chatting with Georgia." "With Georgia and Rick?" "Just Georgia." "Don't shoot the messenger." "Why do I get the feeling that I should suddenly look for my husband?" "So what exactly are they talking about?" "Living life online." "Apparently Rick isn't-paying enough attention to Georgia." "Oh that's classic." "And I'm sure David was complaining about me in the same way." "You know, I know how and what that man thinks at all times." "Well you do pay a lot of attention to your online life." "No I don't." "Petra." "What?" "No, uh, excuse me." "I just believe that my online persona is more influential and more creative and more, you know, maybe more vibrant than my actual persona." "But it's not real." "Well I beg to differ." "I think there's very little difference between real life and online life." "It's all life." "We're living it, right now." "Yeah, no actually what you're talking about is actually more typing than it is living." "Same diff." "Wow." "Whatever, look, um, I think that this situation here is beyond salvation." "So I'm gonna gather up my little team and head for a reservation." "Okay, Gutty is not a word." "It is, I'm telling you." "It means to have a large gut." "No way." "I don't buy it." "No." "Listen." "Listen, I call people, myself mostly, gutty, all the time." "You're insane." "I'm not." "I'm not, I'm telling you, I'm not." "All right." "Shit." "I'm still not getting any bars." "This is getting really freaky, how are we gonna figure it out?" "Have you heard of something called a dictionary?" "I mean yeah, I've, I've got that app." "Well the app was based on a real thing." "And I'm sure there's one in the house." "I've never seen one." "Mom just Kindles everything." "Are, are you seriously telling me that there's not a dictionary in this entire house?" "No, I mean don't get on my case about it." "I'm only 16." "I don't believe this." "Little miss art critic doesn't have a dictionary in this house?" "That's really, really sad." "Why is it sad?" "I, I don't know, I just feel like every house ought to have a dictionary, even if nobody uses it." "Why?" "Because it's a part of the infrastructure of a home." "You have the roof, you have the front door, you have cable, and you have a dictionary." "Maybe I should start a blog." "Judy's failed life dot com." "And this will be the inaugural entry." "Your life is not a failure, okay." "You've got really nice kids." "You've got a cozy house." "Your career is about to break through again." "I mean you've got a bright mind and a really warm heart." "You've got it all as far as I'm concerned." "Well then how come I'm not happy?" "Well I'm gonna sound like an ancient Chinese proverb, but the best we can do is be content." "You know, happiness only comes in brief, brilliant flashes." "It's been a long fucking time since I've had one of those." "They seem to be happening less and less for everyone I know." "Will you help me?" "I mean I've got all those people to feed and I don't know, we can find takeout or something." "I mean how, how do we even know what's open?" "I can't call or, or search." "Well how did we search in the old days?" "I don't remember." "I remember." "We used to go to Korea Town and we would go and we would find a restaurant that we had never been to before." "And we would just walk in, the sign wouldn't even be in English." "And we would ask for the most popular thing." "On the menu and it be-became sort of a tradition, you know." "It was like a family bonding ritual." "And you don't do it anymore?" "Never." "Not since the divorce." "I mean we tried to do it a couple times, the girls and I, and Zoe would find a bad review online..." "But then we'd, you know, we wouldn't go." "If it's one thing the Internet is good for, it's convincing you not to do something." "I used to go to all those Korean places when I was growing up." "It feels like a really long time since I've been down there." "In Korea, we have a Thanksgiving called Chuseok." "You visit the tomb of your ancestors, offer them food and drinks." "Doesn't it seem, I don't know..." "Nobody really seems to do it anymore." "Really quiet?" "Mm-hmm." "It's like all the ancient traditions are being lost." "How long do you think we've been out here?" "I don't know." "My phone's black." "Is your battery dead?" "It won't start." "Here, use my phone." "Mine's dark also." "Maybe it's an omen." "An omen." "Mm-hmm." "You want to go for a walk?" "Yes." "Yes, I do." "David?" "Huh, well." "Hello?" "David?" "It feels so strange not to have a specific destination." "We may not have a destination, but we have a mission." "Yes." "We will not go hungry on Thanksgiving" "Here we go." "There's like this weird nostalgia for inconvenience." "I mean listen, were paper letters and paper newspapers so much better?" "Or like having to wake up at six a.m. to go wait in line to buy a concert ticket?" "Oh it's so great." "Come on." "Life is so much better now." "You guys really had it hard." "Look, I'm not saying that I don't like those conveniences." "I just" "No, it's true, something is lost." "Yeah." "No, but so much is gained." "No, but I'm not sure it's worth it." "I mean I feel it too." "Like something has been lost." "Uh-Your silly." "I-What is lost?" "What is it?" "I don't know, it's hard to explain." "I mean I-I'm just curious." "I'm not trying to be difficult." "Okay, maybe it's like- it's like the pleasure of something was directly related to the inconvenience." "There were little victories that came from trying to figure something out and feeling needed." "Like the dictionary needed us." "Maps, newspapers, needed us." "Stores needed us." "You know, I mean you could only find the word when you participated with the dictionary." "It was your knowledge of the alphabet and the time and the care that you took to look through it." "And, you know, dealing with all these pages that were so thin and you go too far this way." "And then this way." "And then where is the" " - and then there it is." "There it is." "You know." "I mean it took something." "It meant something." "It meant something to find a word and look it up." "And now it's just click." "Just a click and it's all the same clicking with the same amount of non-effort." "A click to make a reservation, click to pay your bills, click to buy something." "I mean we've totally convenienced our self out of being needed." "And the worst part is, is we have taken the most sacred thing in the world, and that's finding love, finding a relationship and we have reduced it into a one-click game." "This device is, it's trapped us inside." "I never go out anymore." "I miss going out." "I miss the random shit that would happen when I would go out." "I don't get it, why don't you just go out?" "Oh my god, look." "What?" "Right here." "Gout." "No, go out." "It's a sign." "Hello, I just said that." "Go out." "I know and there it is." "Go out." "We need to go out." "This, this is my new mantra." "Go out." "We need to go out." "Let's go out." "We're going out." "Yeah, let's go out." "Come on, you coming?" "No, you guys are weird." " We're going out." " I am so excited." "We're gonna go out." "We don't know what we're gonna do, we're just gonna see." "Yeah." "We're going out." "We're just gonna go out." "Okay you're going out of your minds maybe." "See what happens, life." "Life happens out." "What are we gonna do?" "We're gonna buy, - buy a CD" "We're gonna buy a 20 cent CD for twenty - twenty two dollars." "We're gonna wait in line for something." "We could get a dictionary." "We could get a dictionary-Just go." "You are not living to your full potential." "I'm not." "You spend too much time taking selfies and looking at yourself." "Is that a good or a bad thing?" "'Cause people are always telling me that I have a good look." "A good look is meaningless." "What is important is inside yourself." "When you say inside, inside myself, like, like inside myself?" "What?" "What's in there?" "Much more than your selfie would suggest." "Don't you want to find out how much more?" "Okay." "How do I do that?" "Your true self will be found with quiet reflection." "Go forth now, dear Bertram, in quiet reflection." "It's sort of beautiful out." "Yeah, it's still light." "Where are we going?" "Oh look." "What, really?" "Yeah." "Shut up." "You are not." "Look." "I am so." "Out with the blackberry." "Come on." "We're really going out." "Don't you shame my blackberry." "Now what?" "I don't know, I'm naked and scared." "Am I fat?" "Gutty." "You're not gutty." "Cell phone's..." "Such a cheat." "So not right." "Poor Lilly." "My selfie is not myself." "ASSISTANT 1 No it's, it's good, they can't see me." "My selfie is not myself." "David?" "David?" "Damn it, where is he?" "Oh, have you seen your wife?" "I'm not exactly sure where she is." "Well I heard she was flirting with David." "That's great, thanks for the information." "Why don't you mind your own business?" "What are you doing out here anyway, are you, are you getting reception?" "Is reception back?" "All right well I'm, I'm not getting anything here." "Just" "I'm sorry that's my phone." "I know I just - - this is a real emergency." "If I can just this one thing I mean you didn't fucking ask me." "I understand but I just You just take my-take a person's need one second. phone alright-give me my" "Excuse me?" "Don't touch me Give me my fucking phone." "Are you kidding me?" "You're stark raving mad." "Oh well fuck you." "You just fucking smashed my phone." "You shouldn't grab it." "Yes Fuck me?" "I shouldn't grab you?" "You grabbed my fucking phone." "How about that?" "Now your phone is in the water." "What is wrong with you?" "What's wrong with me?" "What-that is my life's work." "That's pathetic." "Your phone is your life's work?" "Shouldn't your husband, your daughter, your family be your life's work?" "E-Excuse me." "Do not talk about my family, especially not my daughter." "Where is, where is Jennifer?" " Go on, go find her." " Jennifer?" "Jennifer?" "Baby?" "Go on." "Go" "Mom of the year." "Get the hell out of here." "Honey." "Jennifer?" "Ah." "Oh, Oh shit." "Jennifer?" "Oh, what happened in here?" "Thanksgiving got the best of her." "Where is she?" "I think she probably wants to be alone." "Oh, I'm not sure if this is funny or tragic." "I'm sure" "I could figure it out if it weren't for the hunger pangs." "Oh my God what the fuck!" "Lilly!" "Oh I'm sorry, granny." "What are we gonna do?" "This is a disaster." "Mm, well I have an admission to make." "I knew something like this could possibly happen, so I made a backup thanksgiving dinner." "And it's in my fridge right now at the house." "Seriously Granny?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Welcome to your navigation system." "My name is Ethyl." "Okay ethyl." "How may I help you?" "Hit it girl." "Yes, I know." "I know that everything I use my phone for" " sex, love, uh, companionship are just stand-ins for the, for the real thing." "I, I know that, I know a phone can't love you." "Can't nurture you." "Why would you want it to?" "Because it's easier than working things out with real people." "Yes." "I suppose you're quite right." "I got to go." "You suddenly in a rush?" "I don't, I don't even know what I'm doing here." "I should be with my own family on Thanksgiving." "Well, you gonna make it?" "This is like one of those old" "Rosalind Russell movies." "I hope so." "Prepare to detour in 500 feet." "See what you did?" "Detour now." "What did I do?" "Detour now." "I've already been down that road, Ethyl." "Action not recognized." "Resuming previous route." "Oh, okay." "Continue for three miles." "Here we are." "CAR GPS Then turn right." "Continue straight then make a U-Turn." "Ah." "Continue for three miles." "Then turn right." "Oh god now I need gas." "Then you will arrive at your destination." "See what you did?" "Approaching Dusky Glen road." "What?" "I'm going myself." "I'm sorry but no satellites can be located." "Turn you off." "Welcome to your navigation system, how may I help you?" "Okay ladies, you want to come out and we'll do the final shot." "So it was a tumultuous, uh, Thanksgiving," "With some unexpectedly thought-provoking dialogue." "Um, now I don't like my art to have lessons." "I like, I like them just to be dollops of human foibles and triumphs." "So I would like to end with a question." "And, uh, that is the next time you pick up your device, I'd like you to ask yourself what is it I'm searching for?" "And is this the way to find it?" "Um, okay, well that's it." "I'd just like to thank all the new Twitter followers." "You know, you guys are the faceless fans that make it worthwhile." "And, uh, we'll see you again next time." "How'd it go?" "Practically perfect in every way." "I can't believe that thing actually worked." "Where did you get it?" "Amazon, 35 dollars." "They're quite popular, actually." "At some point I can imagine everyone having a phone jammer in their homes." "I doubt it." "Yeah, I don't see that happening either." "Well, mark my words, the future is not in the search but the silence my friends." "Now come on."