"I'm so tired, my brain's not working properly." "Your brain." "Working properly..." "There's a joke in there, but I'm too shagged to think of it." "Good." "Only half an hour to go till end of shift." "If we just hide out here, we'll be OK." "'Female, 19 years of age, unconscious, possible overdose.'" "That's your fault, that is." "Fuck!" "Actual moonlight." "You've got to be joking." "Catch." "Useless." "Health and safety." "Very loud music." "Stadium-loud." "Plus it's likely to be stadium-loud shit music." "I'll get the equipment ready." "For the patient." "My ears are sensitive, man." "She's over here." "This way." "'Great." "A club full of come-downs waiting to happen." "'Why do human beings insist on searching after highs?" "'News just in - highs generate lows." "'Life is not a roller-coaster." "I repeat, 'life is not a roller-coaster.'" "Come here." "Dance with me." "No." "I'm not..." "I'm not that great a dancer." "You worry too much." "'Life is a nice, smooth escalator ride." "'From forceps to grave." "See a few films, read a few books, 'bit of sex along the way, ideally... 'drink or two with mates - fine.'" "Hello?" "What's she been drinking, water?" "No, Red Bull." "We don't let them drink too much water." "Reckon it's hyperthermia." "'But if you really want the roller-coaster version, 'then don't whinge to me about the stress." "'Cos no matter how high you go, 'no matter how in-the-moment you may get, 'you're already on your way back down." "'And when you fall..." "you better be ready to land.'" "Ow." "Fuck!" "You all right?" "No, that bloody hurt!" "The big fireman!" "OK, remembering I'm terminally single, and that other people's romantic stuff is an intensely boring subject... how are things with you and Craig?" "Well, you know I've been looking for a bloke for a while now?" "Good bloke, one who'll make me happy, rest-of-my-life kind of thing?" "Yeah?" "Well..." "I think I've cracked it!" "Oh, dear, oh, dear." "I think I'm seeing "bliss"." "'Fraid so!" "'Any units available." "'Multi-storey car park at the A1 junction with York Road, 'large scale outrage to public decency in progress...'" ""Outrage to public decency."" "'Man trapped in car performing sexual act.'" "Sounds like a dogging to me." "Course it does, Miss Marple." "Why do we have to attend a dogging?" "Back seizure." "Oh, fuck." "Can't take the van up." "What, we're walking up all those stairs?" "I'm going to wait in the van." "My feet hurt." "I got a blister!" "Whatever." "Love is a many a splendoured thing." "Don't you think?" ""Sordid" doesn't quite capture this." "'9-100 Female trapped in car under male with spinal injury.'" "I've got to get out of here, I've got Ofsted tomorrow!" "You are aware you're breaking the law?" "Is my husband still here?" "It's a Blue Renault Espace." "There's a National Trust sticker in the window." "Love is in the air, eh?" "Maybe for some, aye." "Message received..." "There's no Espace." "That arsehole." "And, you!" "If you've got ruptured discs you should have informed the community." "There are rules!" "And you've shit taste in music." "Wait till you're out the car to beat him up, you'll get a much better swing on your punch." "We're going to cut you out." "We'll be quick as we can, OK?" "Yeah." "We're gonna have to take the roof off, but it's keeping him calm while we cut." "Right." "Tricky." "I have the solution." "OK, I have a little syringe here." "It's just some relaxant with a bit of painkiller thrown in." "I can't do needles!" "Are you going to do it now?" "Not yet." "I'll tell you... ..when." "Fuck you!" "You're welcome." "You'll feel it kick in soon." "Breathe, yeah?" "Yeah." "Can you not give him a jab of the real stuff?" "I'm not qualified." "He thinks he's been injected." "It's all in the head." "Nice one." "He'll soon work it out in about ten minutes." "Then he'll be panicking like fuck." "Won't be long now." "Are Maxine and Craig?" "." "I believe they are, yeah." "When?" "It's a very recent development." "Didn't see that coming." "No." "So you going to run them down the station?" "Well, it depends." "Feeling generous all of a sudden." "While they're cutting these two out, we could have a quickie in the engine." "Yeah, I think that'd probably send out the wrong message?" "Spoilsport." "Gaffer, come and have a look at this!" "'I thought we'd never get him out.'" "You all right about that?" "Maxine and Craig?" "Yeah." "She's happy, so I'm pleased." "She's a good mate." "Been mates since uni." "That'll change." "Will it?" "Why?" "He's not going to want you crowding the scene, is he?" "Just saying... he's not going to want you around." "Suppose not." "Thanks so much for not arresting me." "You've got Ofsted tomorrow... and I like teachers." "Last thing we want is less teachers in the classroom." "Cos that means more feral kids on the streets and more paperwork." "Only I'm not a teacher, I'm an inspector." "OK, turn the car round." "Is cell number five free?" "What?" "I'm joking." "Oh, look - blue Espace." "Yes, this is the one." "OK, this is a caution but next time, it probably won't be us, you will be arrested and charged and it will go on your record." "Can I ask you something?" "What?" "You're a professional woman." "A charge of public indecency, it would... it would wreck your career." "Why risk it?" "I thought it'd take me out of myself." "Lose control a bit, you know." "Stop me worrying." "Relieve the stress." "Well, I think it's safe to say, that it didn't." "The opposite." "Ah!" "There you are, Shirley." "You were a long time... down the shops." "Oh, shut up you gutless dick-wad." "Go and pour me a glass of red." "A large." "Yeah, nice one." "Looking after me!" "Shall we get back and do some paperwork then?" "Yeah." "Come on." "I'm on a roll." "I'm getting anxious just reading the sign." "Mm." "Bollocks bingo?" "Yep." "Come on." "What's that?" "Ten words." "Subject specific." "Big words." ""And" and "but" don't count." "I'll tell you what stress is." "'Stress is a fucking gravy train.'" "Stress." "Yes!" "In engineering, stress is what happens when a piece of metal fails." "Genius, well done." "Because maybe there's a fault in the metal that no-one detected." "It's a bit like that with humans." "So we experience stress when we fail to adequately deal with the emotional demands made on us by life." ""Emotional", "demands."" "Jesus, this is patronising." "Now, the underlying causes of stress may not always be the obvious ones." ""Underlying causes." Two words or one?" "I've got that down as one." "It's the hidden stuff." "It's the stuff we ignore." "The insidious causes." ""Insidious."" "Insidious?" "Good call." "You're all pretty well functional human beings." "You must be." "It's stressful work tending sick and vulnerable people." "Yes!" "Incredibly long shifts." "Limited resources." "You all have coping mechanisms." "Got that." "And of course, there's always been support available." "Those things..." ""Support."" "Hey, support, yeah, easy." "And the support that we provide, they prevent the negative effects of stress from impinging on your well-being." ""Impinging."" "Fuck sake." ""Well-being."" "We fail to plan and to prioritise..." "You don't stand a chance." ""Prioritise" House!" "So what happens when things change?" "When new situations arise?" "Unfamiliar emotions that threaten to overwhelm your tried and tested coping mechanisms?" "Metal starts to crack." "Little cracks at first, but unchecked they grow, they spread." "We need to be looking out for each other." "Watching for the little warning signs of stress in our colleagues." "A fucking piece of cake - every move you make's a sign of stress." "Not... not in an invasive way." "Just let's look out for our mates and if you spot any of those tell-tale signs." "Then you report them to me." "So they can be dealt with." "Supported." "Encouraged to talk through the problem." "During your lunch break." "Or at a time of their convenience when their shift is over." "Yes?" "Yes." "Yes." "But it won't count as overtime." "Cheers." "That were generous of us, letting them off with just a caution." "Yeah, well, before you ask, no, I have not gone soft." "The woman had no previous, she won't be back." "You all right?" "Yeah, it's just..." "What?" "I sent him a text, he's not replied." "When?" "Last night, at the Dog Inn." "Well, give him a chance." "Yeah, I know, and he's still on shift, so..." "You seeing him tonight?" "No, tomorrow." "It's just the text I sent him were..." "It were a bit full on." "I'm just going to text him again." "Then that'll be two he owes you." "Yeah." "It will." "OK, here's what's happening." "Stuart is in denial." "About Dibble fucking Trumpton." "Do you even know who Dibble is?" "Or where Trumpton's located?" "Irrelevant." "You're in denial about the policewoman and the fireboy." "Splendid theory." "One flaw - it's balls." "Well, my splendid theory actually includes the idea that you'd think it were balls." "Because you're in denial." "So I can't critique your theory?" "No." "Stick that in your pipe." "Can I critique it?" "Yeah." "It's balls." "Well, I haven't finished yet." "So we're just going to get bigger balls?" "You're obsessed, aren't you?" "OK, go on." "He's in denial about his best mate and the fireman being an item." "And the more he keeps it up, the more pain he'll have to..." "Suppress?" "Suppress, bingo." "So it'll bubble up as stress." "And how will we know?" "He'll be a complete fucking arse to work with." "He generally is, though." "He's a prickly fuckwit." "I don't mind "prickly"..." "If you're trying to get me to break my back to show you how fucking serene I can be to prove you wrong, you can forget it." "It ain't going to happen." "Shit, rumbled." "Yeah." "Good try." "Look, I don't experience stress, it's programmed out." "Nothing I see in this job throws me from my equilibrium." "What about when you're away from work?" "Away from work?" "Yeah, I believe it's called life." "Again, nothing throws me." "Life is smooth and easy." "And fuck boring." "'Man, 62, hit by a falling tree." "'Assistance required.'" "Here we go again." "Just briefly, are you OK though, truly?" "Dunno, never seen Maxine in love before." "She never has been." "It's totally new territory." "Ha-ha-ha!" "Good, in't it?" "Payback!" "You made an effort." "I'm very impressed." "Superb!" "You are so close to becoming a fully fucked-up member of the EMT fraternity." "It's not just a gag, though." "That is a therapeutic tool." "A therapeutic tool?" "Mmm-hmm." "I'm trying to flush it out, all the hurt you're hiding." "Why?" "You can't leave all that jealous shit inside you." "And I'm out with the FRU." "Taking t'piss out you is going give Ashley something to laugh about." "You're there to cheer Ashley up." "So I'm the therapeutic tool?" "Got it in one." "Since when have I been jealous?" "Dear, oh, dear." "Look at the tool." "Don't take your eyes off that tool." "Keep your eyes on the tool!" "Hiya." "Morning." "You all right?" "Yeah." "Busy day ahead, buffing up your pole?" "No, I've got someone to do that for me nowadays." "'When she's not texting me, that is.'" "Charming!" "Umm... do you... er... do you fancy meeting for lunch?" "Uh..." "OK." "Where do you have in mind?" "I could... um..." "I'll come to you, hang with the strapping fireboys." "OK, I'll see you later." "All right, I'll see you." "Should have trained to be a bloody nurse." "Do you want a coffee?" "No, thank you, sir." "I'd love a coffee, me." "Do you want me to get you one?" "No, can't." "Caffeine." "Better watch the ticker." "Anyway, I'm having to lose three more beat officers this month." "Yeah." "Shit, I'm not for the chop, am I, sir?" "No way." "You're a female." "Got my quotas to worry about." "I've been encouraged to suspend admission to the detective inspector course for the next two years." "Freeze folk in their posts for a while." "But you're not going..." "Yes, I am." "Just not yet." "I have two places left." "One's already got a name on it." "I want you on the other one." "OK?" "Yeah." "Yeah!" "Domestic fight." "Two females, mid-20s." "Do we have to attend a hair-pulling contest?" "Patients are of Russian descent." "Fuck." "Not going in there without police protection." "I bet they're fighting over some bloke." "Pack it in!" "She getting the better of you?" "She were armed with an eight-foot plank of wood!" "Aw!" "You want me to leave you alone with her?" "No, thank you." "Calm down, yeah?" "Chill!" "Chill, yes!" "Chill now." "And then I kill her!" "OK, that remark alone guarantees you a stay in the cells." "It's only joke." "Yeah, look at my face, I'm laughing!" "English, please." "She says you need to get fucked more often!" "Ha!" "Advice, how kind!" "Come on, ladies, let's go." "Little does she know, you are getting fucked more often." "Indeed." "So how's it going with the fireman?" "What, you really want to know?" "You're not going to find it boring?" "It's really weird, Stu." "It's incredible, lovely." "Like butterflies in my stomach, I can't stop thinking about him... the whole deal." "That's what love does to you." "Serotonin, actually." "Serotonin?" "It's a neural messenger." "What are we going to do with you?" "I'm serious." "It sends emotional messages round the brain." "If I had a fMRI scanner I'd show you." "And you don't?" "Some mate!" "They don't load us with that kind of hardware." "But if they did, do you know what you'd see?" "Serotonin clustered in the brain in a way you only see in two types... sappy loved-up bastards like you..." "Yeah?" "And patients with OCD." "Is that so?" "It's an obsession, isn't it?" "You said so yourself, "I can't stop thinking about him."" "Yeah." "Love is just brain chemistry." "There are labs where they can synthesise that kind of feeling into pill form." "Oh, Stuart!" "You're such a loser." "I've got some more good news." "I'm taking the preliminaries for the DI course." "Fuck, that's fantastic!" "It's only like everything you've worked towards, ever." "Really moving on." "It's going to be hard though," "I've got to pass a load of tests, pass a few interviews, then the course itself." "It's pretty intensive." "Yeah, but you're brilliant at that shit." "You eat stuff like that for breakfast." "You always have done." "The bizarre thing is I think you'll actually enjoy it." "Yeah..." "Stuart, we need to get Anna Karenina here to AE." "OK." "Small announcement to make, no fuss or anything, but..." "That hurt." "A bit." "Talking to Maxine." "Fuck!" "Is that an actual, real emotion?" "Yeah." "You're planning to talk to me about it?" "I know, what the fuck am I thinking?" "Go on." "Well, I just thought we'd carry on, you know, her and me, being mates." "Silly, I suppose." "And... so how does this make you feel?" "I think..." "I'm a little bit disappointed with her." "Disappointed." "Hmm." "What?" "It grieves me to say this, but could Rachid be right for once?" "Right how?" "It's jealousy." "It's stressing you out." "No, no, no." "OK." "No, I'm not jealous." "Great." "Can we stop being sincere?" "It's freaking me out." "Absolutely." "Surprise, surprise, he's on the phone again when there's work to be done." "Hiya." "I have got some major news." "Oh, yeah?" "Go on." "Yeah, I'll tell you about it over lunch." "Er, yeah..." "Um, about lunch..." "Yeah?" "Well, it's just that I'm with all the guys." "They're, um..." "They're a pretty laddish bunch, you know." "We could do dinner." "That'd be nice." "We can talk properly." "You can tell me your news." "Yeah, that'd be fine." "Gaffer, there's a shout!" "I've got to go." "We've got a call." "Oh." "OK, well, I'll..." "Right." "Yeah, see you later." "See you." "OK..." "'Incident in Hatton Grove." "'Middle-aged man, aggressive, drunk and disorderly." "Proceed with caution.'" "All right." "Message received." "Drunk and disorderly." "I'll bet we run into Ashley again." "Drunk's probably fallen over or someone's hit him or something." "We just seem cursed to keep bumping into each other." "Oi, everything all right?" "Yeah." "Are you hoping you'll run into Ashley?" "Not quite." "I'll go in and draw him." "You take his hammer arm." "So what's this all about, mate?" "I'm protesting against cuts." "Shouldn't that be a bank?" "Tried that." "Fuckers won't let us get near." "Just hand it over." "It's a bit early in the morning to be this hammered." "That is such a shit joke." "How about putting the hammer down?" "Someone's going to get hurt, all right." "Doesn't have to go that way, mate." "Fuck!" "Careful, Ryan!" "What the fuck was that?" "Did she just zap me?" "I'll have you, darling." "Police Complaints Commission." "Dream on, sunshine." "Just a bit of a wobble, that's all." "Fucking lost it." "I didn't even issue him a warning." "Sergeant..." "I want you to see the boss." "And I've booked your role-play sessions." "Let's start the promotion process." "Are you all right?" "Yeah." "Yes." "Most definitely." "Excellent." "Ah, good, you answered." "Look, I need to have a word." "It can't wait, so if you've got time..." "The cafe." "Great." "I'll see you in 15." "You deployed a Taser?" "No point in having a toy if you can't play with it, occasionally." "It's not funny." "What's on your mind?" "You know how I've always taken stuff in me stride, like everything I've ever achieved." "Yeah, in an uber-effective way which terrifies me." "I'm feeling really stressed, and right now that is not good." "It's like suddenly my judgment's gone out the window." "And this DI course..." "I really want to get it." "And you will." "You have faith in your abilities, don't you?" "Yeah." "Hang on." "There was a pause there and a not quite convincing "yeah"." "This is the big one, Stuart." "It's the real deal." "Every stage is the real deal." "Why are you losing confidence?" "I don't know." "It's just..." "Ah, fuck it, it'll be fine." "A little bit of stress is good." "A bit of stress." "I still don't see why this is different, why things have changed suddenly." "Thanks." "How's everything else?" "Yeah, it's good." "Craig's really pleased." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "I mean, I think he is." "I mean, he doesn't show it so much, but he's not so, um..." "demonstrative." "Oh, I just don't know." "It's like sometimes he's not that into me." "He doesn't reply to my texts, he cancels our dates." "I just don't know where I stand." "Maxine?" "Yeah." "I've been watching the pair of you, like at the car park, on the junction with the A1, at the York Road?" "Oh, yeah?" "Well, you forget I know all about body language, and I was watching the non-verbal signs you were sending each other." "He fucking adores you." "How do you know?" "The signs." "The way he looks at you when you're not looking at him." "The way he holds himself when you're stood there." "He's still trying to win you." "Yeah, well, he could fucking text me more often." "The fucking mobile phone is a feeder of anxiety." "You don't need those kind of signs." "It's the non-verbal stuff that matters." "He's crazy about you." "Thanks." "Good." "Panic over, yeah?" "For now." "Yeah." "He adores me, you reckon?" "Yeah, he does." "So you let me know how you get on with that test." "Yeah, yeah, I will." "Oh, um, and this is by the by, but how long will it take you to pass admission onto the course?" "About two weeks." "Why?" "Nothing." "All right?" "Yeah, fuck." "What I just administered there won't last long." "What do you mean?" "The fucking fireman." "He could be about to wreck her life." "And that's not jealousy or nothing." "Ash, for once, take me at fucking face value." "All right, go on." "I have to try and keep her going, keep her believing that Craig likes her, but really likes her." "Or what?" "She's fucked." "Come on, do the role-play." "I need the practice." "Ma'am, I feel..." "Ma'am?" "You know, that's what you get called when you're a DI." "Fuck." "You never watched Prime Suspect?" "Go on." "Ma'am, I feel I'm being discriminated against in t'workplace." "Er..." "I'm very sorry to hear that, Constable." "It's a matter I take very seriously." "On what grounds?" "My race, ma'am." "I thought you were doing the gay card." "I could do both at the same time." "Gain a few pounds, I'll throw fat in the equation an' all." "Well, I'm a female." "And blonde." "Do you reckon we're both tokens?" "Yeah, we should form a union." "What's this?" "Rachid's still out with the FRU." "Why are we taking the trauma magnet out with us?" "It's all part of Operation Maxine." "Fuck it." "Is Ryan preying on your mind?" "No, not even slightly." "You've been through 20 and we're halfway through the shift." "It was meant to be us watching you for signs of stress." "'Woman, 83, fallen at home.'" "Nan down." "Any more?" "Front door heavily locked." "Fire crew in attendance." "Carl, I love you." "Operation Maxine is a go." "Talk about insecure." "Who?" "Woman. 83." "She's got every lock and bar behind that door known to man." "Good job her heart's not gone." "Right." "Did you want something?" "Maxine." "Come again?" "I just wanted to say that I'm really pleased that she's happy." "Oh, thanks." "Yeah." "You and her go way back, yeah?" "She's dead nice." "Yeah." "I just don't know, you know?" "I think, um..." "I can't really see it working out somehow." "You've got to give it a chance." "Don't do anything hasty." "Oh, no, I won't." "I'll give it a chance, but..." "Gaffer!" "It's not budging." "Right." "Let's try a different approach." "Nick, go and get a sledgehammer." "I'm going to take this." "Hiya." "How'd it go with the chief super?" "It was pretty close to purgatory." "But, er, you know?" "What happens next?" "I've got the big self test appraisal thing on Friday." "Which you will walk." "Yeah." "Good." "Good, that's more like it." "You'll be a DI in no time." "Oh, incidentally, I just ran into your Craig just now." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "Not very good with the verbal clues, is he?" "You can say that again." "Yeah, well, it's all there, though." "What is?" "The whole butterflies in the stomach, "can't live without you" sort of thing." "I know OCD sufferers when I see them." "Are you just saying that?" "No." "He's nervous." "You've made the big fireman nervous." "Remember that when you see him." "I will." "All right, well, er, I'll see you." "See you, Maxine." "Weird." "What is?" "I have never seen you do something so completely selfless before." "I don't often get the opportunity." "No." "Not sure how selfless an act it actually is." "How do you mean?" "If he really isn't interested, then you're expecting it to end." "And when it does, she'll realise what a white knight you've been, buoying her up so she can pass the test." "There may be some truth in that." "Fair enough." "Doesn't make me a bad person." "No." "Pretty much everything else you do does, but not this." "Can we stop to buy some fags?" "Oh, give your lungs a fucking break." "And call Ryan." "I thought we'd have a bottle of Chablis." "What?" "Oh, sure." "That's wine, right?" "Yeah." "White wine." "Nice white wine." "Fucking pricey white wine!" "That were gorgeous." "Aw, thanks." "Yeah." "Like you." "Smooth talker!" "So..." "Let's recap." "Last time we met, we'd just got to the part where you were enthusing about me and my..." "Oh, yeah, big black dick?" "I think that was the ground we were covering, weren't it?" "Do you really think I'm gorgeous?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I do." "I think you're well fit." "Dead attractive." "I always thought my sister were the pretty one." "OK, basically, I misread the signals." "Well, either I'm really crap at sending signals, or you need glasses." "It was just stupid talk." "Fantasy stuff." "You know, I'm not being some arsy queen, here." "You really hurt my feelings." "You tapped into something fairly important." "I get that now." "I would've got it then, if I hadn't been so pished." ""Pished"?" "Do you want to, erm..." "Do you want to watch one of your films?" "What, one of me arty films?" "Oh, I don't know why I got into them, it was "self-improvement", you know." "Honestly, you'd hate them." "Really!" "I'm sorry." "Really." "It's fine." "It's not going to happen, is it?" "Me and you?" "No." "Can we at least be mates, then d'you think?" "Mates, then." "How about we go to the bedroom?" "Yeah." "Yeah, go on." "'Cos I want to take my knickers down and receive 'some stern correction.'" "Are you sure he's keen?" "Hello, Maxine." "Where are you?" "I'm in the loo." "I've got to keep it down." "'And he's in the...?" "'" "He's in the bedroom, yeah." "Interesting role reversal we've got going on here." "How d'you mean?" "It don't matter." "Look, I'm trying and I'm just..." "I'm just not getting anything." "Craig is the most tongue-tied bloke I've ever met." "Yeah, we've established that." "My guess is that..." "He's worried that you're too clever for him." "Yeah?" "I mean, think about it." "You read." "You make yourself watch all those fucking films." "He's a simple man, it's going to be intimidating." "He's stressed out." "Is this what fucking love does to you?" "It's like somebody turned the light on and all my insecurities have come like crawling out the dark." "Lucky you." "So have his." "Yeah, OK." "That works." "You're a genius." "'Of course.'" "All right, I'd better get back to him." "'Good luck tomorrow.'" "All right." "Night, Stuart." "Night night, Maxine." "Are you sure you have what it takes to be a detective inspector?" "I am, sir, yes." "All my appraisals have been excellent." "But those are the views of external observers." "What do YOU think?" "I have a lot of confidence in who I am, sir." "And who exactly is that?" "Well, that were marginally less painful than root canal work!" "So you thrashed it out with Ryan, then just decided to be mates?" "Yeah." "How revoltingly civilised." "I'm just following your example, actually." "In what sense?" "I'm quite kind of..." "happy on my own." "Although..." "Although what?" "It's just that..." "from an outsider's perspective, we could be construed as a pair of lonely losers?" "Who is this outsider?" "Bring him to me now." "I want to meet this nosy cunt!" "Great." "Um, yeah." "I'll..." "I'll go and check the tyre pressure on the ambulance." "They just called." "Well?" "So, I got on the course!" "Hey, look, I couldn't have done it without your help." "So..." "Oh, that's... substantially true!" "Do you want to go for a drink after work?" "Yeah. 'Course." "Got to go, so..." "You do realise, this could be it?" "Your chance." "Tonight." "My chance to restore the status quo." "Back to being mates?" "Exactly." "Hiya." "Hey." "What about this one, eh?" "Indeed, indeed." "She's electrifying." "Literally." "Detective Inspector." "Well, not yet." "Yeah, but you'll get there." "No problem." "What do you want?" "Orange and soda, please." "Pint." "Sure?" "We're celebrating." "Yeah, thanks." "So, things going well?" "Yeah, they are." "To be honest, it was a bit shaky for a while, but..." "It's insecurities, you know?" "Hers?" "No, mine." "The thing is, she's dead clever." "Oh, fuck." "What?" "Nothing." "Proper intellectual." "Books, foreign films..." "Yeah, all that stuff." "I felt she was only after me for sex, but..." "Well, this is how clever she is, she worked me out." "Sat me down and talked me through it." "I'm really pleased." "Yeah." "And she's not after an Einstein, either." "Apparently." "Which is good." "So, yeah it's fine." "Great." "It's weird." "I can't stop thinking about her." "I can't get her out of my head, you know?" "Yeah." "I do." "Love, eh?" "Yeah." "Serotonin, actually." "What?" "Serotonin." "It's a neural messenger in the brain." "I failed biology at school." "Sometimes I wish I'd failed it, too." "There you go." "Gosh, this is nice." "Happy days." "Yeah." "To Maxine." "Indeed." "Cheers!" "Mmm, so..." "Oh, well." "Sorry, I've got to go." "Oh, already?" "Yeah, I promised Ash." "He's a bit down in the dumps." "Ah..." "Ryan?" "Yeah, he's offended him somehow." "So, better go and cheer him up." "Quite the hero, aren't you?" "Yes, that's me." "You got my message, then?" "Back to being mates with Maxine." "Exactly as anticipated." ""Yay" for friendship." "Have you got one of those left?" "You don't smoke." "Thinking about taking it up, actually." "Lungs are overrated organs." "So..." "What do you want to do?" "We could sit over a coffee, rake over what happened, assess where we went wrong." "Learn from our mistakes." "Or, go into total denial and get completely, rat-arsed drunk." "Exactly." "Mistakes?" "What mistakes?" "I don't make mistakes." "You get the first round in." "No, you get the first round in." "I got the last round in, it's your turn." "All this fucking free therapy I'm giving you, least you can do is buy me a drink..." "And where's Rachid, by the way?" "I don't know." "Let's go and find that lazy bastard." "I'm looking for Stuart?" "That's me." "Well, your father died two weeks ago." "How do you feel?" "That's the funny thing, Don't know how I feel." "All right, mate?" "Hi." "You don't think he's just homeless?" "He doesn't smell homeless." "I want a permanent place here." "What're you doing?" "Working." "Hey!" "You should be in number four with Fat Carl." "This is Stuart." "Your brother." "Well, fuck a duck." "You're genuinely upset?" "My dad's dead." "Our dad's dead." "Does that mean anything to you?" "No." "I'm not fucking vulnerable." "No. 'Course not!" "I mean he must have..." "misread the signals." "Happy birthday!" "Aw, thank you!" "You like her." "She's with someone." "She's with a man doing a good impersonation of a bell end."