"Today is the day." "From today on everything is going to get better." "I'm geared up to not being myself so nothing can go wrong... right?" "Hi, Nynne." " You're an hour early." " But Henrik said six." "We changed it to seven." "Didn't he tell you?" " This is for you." " Gin?" "Henrik did say you like a drink." " Sure I can't help you?" " You don't have to." "It's taken her some time to get used to me." "Ever since we first met for the ultimate daughter-in-law test." "A nice trip to the art museum." "She and Henrik stood mesmerized by a purple Provencal field   and I reeled about in a hangover reeking like a Polish men's room." "But Henrik and I have a good thing going on." " Gee, wasn't he cute?" " That's my little Henrik." "Amazing that such a tiny person can grow up so big, sweaty and sexy..." " I think he's going to propose." " Damn it!" "Fuck me!" "Jesus..." "Propose, no less?" "What a surprise." " Do you want me to bandage it?" " No, you've done enough." "Go and open the door and leave me here to bleed." " Hi." " Hi, babe." "Where's Mom?" " In the kitchen." " Are you enjoying yourselves?" " Is that you, my little snail?" " Coming, Mom." "Intuition is a weird thing." "These past weeks I've been sure Henrik was going to propose." "I've picked up little signals and secret signs." "This is it!" "He's going to do it." "Now, be cool." "Don't seem overeager." " Dear Gram." " Yes!" "Sorry." "Please go on." ""Dear Gram..."" "Dear Gram." "Congratulations on your 50th birthday." " What's he saying?" " Congratulations on your 50th." "Is he dense?" "I'm turning 86." "Of course!" ""Dear Gram." "Blah-blah... "" "And finally: "Nynne. "" ""Since I first I saw you after you'd been bounced from NASA   and you went home with me after half an hour and six GTs " " I just knew you and I..." " Nynne?" " Yes, I'll marry you." "I just wanted you to pass the claret so we could drink to Gram." "Fuck!" "How stupid can a person be?" "Why must I always embarrass myself?" "Can't you get help from the state?" "I want a legal guardian!" "I just wanted you to pass the claret so we could drink to Gram." "I see." "I must have been..." "I wasn't listening." "Babe, that's the white wine glass." "Can't you just..." " Well, cheers, Henrik." " Cheers, Gram." "Are you getting married?" "Is that what you said?" " No, I very much doubt that, Mom." " And why not?" "Henrik, your mother..." "Yes, you." "She'd wish you never grew up." " She's right, Henrik." " Thanks, Dorit." "Let's go outside for a minute." "We need to talk." "I'm sorry." "I couldn't help myself." "I get that way sometimes." "Sometimes you say some really weird things." "Well, excuse me." "Still, it was a bit funny." " Everyone sitting..." " The hell it was." "I think we should break it off for a while." " Why?" " You are cramping this relationship." "But can't we..." "You can't just up and say you want us to break it off." "Can't we..." "Can't we talk about it?" "Nynne, I've met someone else." "You've met someone else." "Now you tell me." " That was the real issue, right?" " Yes." "Now what?" "Let's go eat a yummy dessert." "Oh yes!" "Nynne, I didn't want to tell you like this." " What's her name?" "For how long..." " It doesn't matter." "The hell it does!" "I'm not listening to you anymore." "No fucking way!" " That's the claret glass." " Fuck that." "It's the largest." "Nynne, this is very awkward for us." " What?" " Your card's been cancelled." " What are you doing?" " You've been in bed for a week." "I've been robbed of my wedding, my card's cancelled, I look like..." " Shit." " What a thing to say." "Martin and Beate are my neighbors." "I'm totally at ease with Martin." "Not only because he's blind but because he likes debating why " " Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday are nicer days than the rest." " He'll come back." "They always do." " Sure." "When?" "When you stop thinking about him he'll be at your door apologizing." " And I'll say what a creep he is." " That'll get him back." "There..." "The place is almost livable again." " You'll be in when you're done?" " Sure." "See ya." " Don't cut it too short, will you?" " Just leave it to me." " Whoops!" " Not the best word to hear now." " It was more like a "wow" whoops." " You're lucky I can't see." "That's the only lucky thing in my life right now." " You're lucky to be rid of the jerk." " Right, that's just great." "It's such a great feeling of freedom not to have money or a guy." " How much are you overdrawn?" " Dunno.... 5,000." " They don't cancel a card for that." " Times five." "Plus eight." " What did you buy?" " Some cups of coffee... clothes." " For 33,000?" " It doesn't get you a lot of Prada." " So buy something else." " It's the little things that count." "I find strength in little things like designer clothes." "There." "Right on the button." "That'll be 33,000, I'm guessing?" " Do you mean that?" " It's only money." " I want a rich dead gramps too." " It's just a loan." "We've waited for an hour." "We're going to the Zoo with my sister." "And I've been looking forward all day to go and smell the animals." " It's not funny." " No, not funny at all." "First day back on the job." "I've primed my face with layers of foundation   and am using all my energy on not being myself." "But their pitying faces say it all." "They know I've been curled up in the foetal position eating poptarts." "Hi, sorry I'm late." "Hi." "Yup..." "So he left you for a 24-year-old marketing assistant with no hips." "Fiona..." "Fiona Fuckhead." "Sure there wasn't an ugly birthmark, receding hairline, short neck?" "I only bumped into them briefly." " I'm sure she had banana tits." " Thank God." "If Hans even thought about going for a younger model..." "Relax." "Hans doesn't even think without asking your permission." "Wow, there's the new guy, Poul Erik O from Marketing." "Stupid moustache, but grizzled in the cool way." "Remember how simple life used to be?" "Fuck, neither can I." " What the hell are we doing here?" " We work here." " No, here on Earth." " Nynne, get over it." "If you're from the suburbs and have a mom who irons the plastic bags   and a practically non-existent ego,   you just have to buy an expensive bathing suit you'll only use once." " Exercise is great, and it works." " You look great in your new suit." " Thanks." " What has she got that Nynne hasn't?" "Cute button nose, sexy cat's eyes, prominent cheekbones,   normal length arms and Henrik." " Okay." " Well, looks aren't everything." "You only say that because you've been married for 16 years." "14." "We got married at 18." "But that's beside the point." " Hi, Henrik." " Hi." "How's it going?" " Just fine." " Is Nynne here?" "No. 1 on my Men I Hate List:" "Henrik." "No. 2:" "Men who are just about to propose but break up instead." "And no. 3:" "Men who sit down when they pee." "Henrik again." " She's seeing a guy from Marketing." " Okay." "That was fast." " No, they've had a thing for years." " Nothing serious." "I mean, you don't cheat in a relationship, right?" "Say hi to her." "See you." " Well?" " Her tits look like Xmas stockings." "Yes, we got into the yuletide spirit." "That tight stomach can't be healthy." "Where does she keep her intestines?" "Know what?" "I don't want him back." "No, I need to be by myself." "Relax and chill out." "Cheers!" "The average age is down to 18 again." " We're too old for this place." " We aren't too old for anything." " We're in our next best prime." " I'm getting more shots." "No, I have rhythmics with Albert in the morning." "You're getting pissed now!" " Got a light?" " No!" "Fiona Fuckhead." "It's unfair to be so good-looking." "To be born on such a sunny side." "So full of jubilant genes." "Well, forget her." " Do I know you?" " No." " Don't you remember me?" " I don't think so." "My old babysitter!" "You had orange baggy pants and candy floss hair." "You ate our candy." "My mom fired her for eating my brother's chocolate advent calendar." "Two Black Licorice shots." "Your name's Nynne, right?" "How much is it?" "Got any money?" "Put the rest in your piggy banks." "Why wasn't Henrik with her?" "Maybe he ditched her." "She did look a bit down." "As if she'd been crying... right?" " No." " Hi, it's me." " Henrik." " Is it a bad time?" " Not at all." " Can I drop by this afternoon?" " Sure." " Great." "See you." "He's got second thoughts." "Why else is he coming?" "He wants me back." "It's still mean of you to make a cripple do your vacuuming." "Just get on with it." "I've only got 15 minutes to quit smoking..." "What a cool hat." " And to sex myself up the sexy way." " And maybe stop acting desperate." "Hi, Henrik." "Some carpaccio?" "No, I sound like a stuck-up child molester   who brings carpaccio to the playground instead of lollipops." "Henrik?" "Gee, I'd plain forgotten." "I have some leftover carpaccio..." "No!" "I don't want to be associated with the word "leftover"." "Hey, it's easy to quit smoking." " How do I look?" " Like Boris Yeltsin." "Better cancel." "Shut your trap, you imbecile, and go out the back way." " Carpaccio?" " What?" "Want some carpe... cappechi..." " No thanks." "I have a dinner date." " Okay." "Come in." " You haven't got my deodorant, too?" " No." " Is that why you came?" " No, we have to talk." "How about a cup of coffee?" "I might go to Goa this winter." "They gave me a big raise, so why not?" "Fiona is pregnant." " But you don't want kids." " No..." "Yes." "I've changed my mind." " Are you crying?" " No, I'm not crying." "I thought you should hear it from me." "Why did you think I came?" "Nynne..." "I still think you're a fantastic woman." "You just need to find the right guy." " It's not helping." " Sure it is." "Try again." " It does help a bit." " Soon you've done the dishes, too." " What the hell am I going to do?" " Ditch him." " I can't." " He's a jerk." "Don't put up with him." "You're right." "I want to try, too." " That wasn't an old mustard jar." " Not according to Wedgwood." "Hi." " I've been talking to Poul Erik O." " Who?" " The marketing guy." " With the short torso?" " He's mad about you." " Me?" "Poul Erik O..." " What kind of a name is that?" " It's his name." "He invited me to dinner on Saturday." " Two girls gave you the once over." " I bet!" "I'll take it then." " How bad can he be?" " His torso is a little short." "Your turn." " That'll be 1,249." " I'm only blind." "Should I run the card?" " No." "I'm not paralyzed either." " No... great, then." "The worst that can happen is you have a fun evening and forget Henrik." "Nynne..." "Nynne!" "Your turn again." "I'd really like to get the shirt." "Thanks." "Bye." " So you want to go out with him?" " Sure, why not?" "Doorstep." " It's not just to spite Henrik?" " No, how old do you think I am?" "Not that old." "Poul Erik..." "Poul Erik O." "Nynne O..." "Shit!" " Are you naked?" " Almost." "Are you sexy?" " Now, if I say bowling..." " Not tonight." " Just because you always lose." " Because you're the Psycho Bowler!" " What should we do instead then?" " I've got a date with Poul Erik O." " You said his torso was short." " You said I should go out with him." " I'll be fine on my own." " Wish me luck." "You've got a bogey up your nose..." "Ten years, and you still fall for it!" "No, just a soda for me, please." "I haven't been able to take my eyes off you since I started at the paper." "Thank you." "First I thought: "She can't be an editor." "She's only... 24."" " Thank you." " No, just a soda for me, please." "Thank you." " I've never met anyone like you." " No, really..." " No, just a soda for me, please." " And for me too, please." "I mean it." "Nynne, I worship you." "Just the kind of man I want." "He's sexy and flatters me." "And he's got this mystic aura." "But..." " But what?" "He isn't Henrik?" " It's not that." "It's as if he doesn't want me." "I'm all toned down and act like a nice girl." "Haven't you made love yet?" "You've been going out for a month." "And so what?" "Me and Hans waited six years before we did it." "Well, you were eight when you met." "What's holding him back?" "I've smiled and kept my act together." "And still he says..." "Nynne..." "We're not in a hurry." "Aren't we?" "We're going on spontaneous city trips." "Going to retell our childhood, to fight and have make-up sex   and agree that maybe it wasn't me who spread that yeast infection." "I want a relationship I can promenade in the park." "Christ, am I desperate!" "Just look at those gorilla arms." " You have to seduce him." " I've been trying." "No, in the old-fashioned "I can cook and I'm a slut in bed" way." " Nynne, you have to get him pissed." " Okay." " It works on all men." " He isn't the fish on rice type." "We should have made meatloaf." "It's not what you eat but how you eat it." "Well, you can eat meatloaf like that, too." "Thank you." "Cheers." " Do you cook a lot?" " Yes." "It sure looks delicious." " What's that one?" " It's a... suginaki." " Shouldn't I get a knife and fork?" " No." "I'm going to get a knife and fork." " What's that?" " What?" "In your glass." "Oh, my God." "I plain forgot to put some tuna into your  sake." "Sorry." "There." "Everyone drinks that in Japan now." "It's called a Tunatail." "You've just got to try it." "Cheers." "You've got class, Nynne." "I can't keep up." "I'm going to get you so pissed you forget your last name..." "O." " I dreamt about you last night." " Did you?" "We were living out in the woods with three beautiful children." "You kept baking these gigantic cakes." "They were as big as our children." " I must have had a big oven." " That was the weird bit." "The oven was the size of a box of matches." "It made no sense but still it felt so right." "You know?" "You kept saying I mustn't eat the cakes." "But I couldn't help myself." "In a way they tasted..." "Don't you want me?" " If you knew how much I want you..." " Then why don't you kiss me?" "Nynne, I'm mad about you." "I don't want to spoil things." "Just be yourself." "I knew there was something wrong." "Is he trying to say something?" "God, maybe he's an epileptic." "Is he having a seizure now?" "They bite their own tongues off, don't they?" "I saw on TV once..." "I hope he doesn't..." "I can keep going and going  and going..." " Ouch..." " I hear you." " I don't want to..." " I hear you." "Good luck!" "Never again will I tell a man just to be himself." "I thought women liked enduring men." "And never again will I mix wine, beer, gin, vodka and tequila." "And wine." "My teeth feel like they're covered with velveteen." " It's from Poul Erik O." " Is he pissed you threw him out?" " I don't think so." " What does it say?" ""Have a gigantic boner." "Want me to come over?"" "No way am I staying here." "Let's go to your place." "Why is the floor all slippery?" "He's texted me 21 times today." "Moaning and panting messages." "And there he is with flowers and sweaty lips." "Poul Erik O knows how to mix pizza romance with German efficiency." "Why do I always pick the psychos?" "It's hard to be single." "You stand there each weekend   in way too pointy shoes buying way too expensive drinks." "And suddenly it's 5 a.m. and they turn on the lights." "Only the creeps are left." "You go home all depressed to an empty house." "And I'd so have preferred to spend the evening spooning   with unshaven legs watching lousy TV." " I hate that fucking chef." " Because you can't boil an egg." "How can cooking a steak make you famous?" "Ever heard the word "gourmet"?" "We're doing a series of articles on him." "The girls at work are ecstatic." "He's left me a pot with a very weird flower." " How nice." " It's not a flower." "It's a dildo." "I love Poul Erik O. Let me feel." ""Just to keep you warm, babe." "Kiss and hug, O."" "Christ!" "Was he in the shop thinking whether to send me roses or tulips?" ""No." "I'll go and buy her a big whammo with silver sprinkles. "" "'That's so more her. "" " What makes these things vibrate?" " Move over." " Man, why must I be the Dildo Girl?" "Oh, you again?" " What are you doing?" " Relax, it's my dildo." " That you brought over to Martin's." " It's a gift from Poul Erik O." " Poul Erik O." " A new boyfriend?" "Yes... no." "He just gave me a dildo." "I'd better get back." "She is a loose cannon." "Hi." "I'm so happy you suggested we meet." "It is a bit weird that we don't know each other better." "Even though we see each other all the time." "Speaking of seeing each other all the time." "Let's not." " What do you mean?" " I'm Martin's girlfriend." "Look, Martin needs a lot of help and you've given him it." "Great." "But now he's mine." "You just have to accept that." "He doesn't need help." "He manages better than I do." "Why have you asked him for 33,000?" " He loaned me that money." " Why would he do that?" "Because Martin is my best friend." "I'm not saying you can't meet." "Your dildos, orgies and ex-lovers." "That's all I ever hear about." "I've never been in an orgy, Beate." "I'm trying to build up a relationship with the man I love." "Beate..." "I'm sorry." " I didn't know I was a problem." " Well, you are." "I didn't bring that dildo on purpose." "Okay." "I assume we understand each other." "Yes." " So, should I just leave now?" " Yes." "State of emergency." "Been banned from Martin and Beate's apartment   and am trying to avoid  to avoid an increasingly desperate and adamant Poul O." "Have been hiding in dark apartment, carpet-bombed by text messages." ""Say it with dildoes!" Or is it dildi?" "Dildae..." "No!" "Please let me in." "Just for a minute." "I have to talk to you." "Okay. "Men I Hate List. "" "No. 4:" "Men who shout "good luck" when they come." "Nynne, I'm sorry if I frightened you." "I'm just so mad about you." "I ache for you." "Poul Erik O, I..." " Can I use your bathroom?" " Sure." "There's a breach of communication here." "Why did I let that blubberbeak in?" "Apparently my life has to pendulate between setbacks and catastrophes." "Is that how I want it?" "No." "What's taking him so long?" "Nynne, you're misperceiving this." "Nynne..." "Nynne..." "Nynne!" "Dear Poul Erik O." "I think you're a really nice..." "No... a great..." "No." "... a different man, and it's been very exciting..." "Fun?" "No, a special experience to get to know you." "But I can't see you any more because I'm seeing Henrik again." "He's been wanting me back for a long time." "He's insanely jealous so we'd better not meet or talk ever again." "For your own sake." "Love, Nynne." "P.S. Please send back my panties." "Thanks." "Fuck!" "Come on!" "Fuck!" " Look..." " Nynne, listen to me." "I only wrote it to get rid of a guy who's very much in love with me." "I know you're going through a rough time." "But you'll get back on top again." "You're one of a kind." "I miss you, but we'll never be together again   because I'm going to be a dad." " Did you think I wanted you back?" " Nynne here." "Leave a message." "Merete here." "Congratulations!" "I knew you'd get Henrik back." "It's great." "You finally got him out of Fiona Stocking Tit's clutches." "I hate to say it, but I told you so." "Call me." "Bye." " Martin, your helmet." " Thanks." "Bye." "No. 5 on my Men I Hate List is:" "Men who curl up in the foetal position in their sleep." "No. 6:" "Men who say "ahhh" when they sit down." "No. 7:" "Men who put their CDs in alphabetical order." "No. 8:" "My bank advisor because he's cancelled my card   and his breath smells like diarrhea." "Didn't know I'd hidden your fave sweater, huh?" "No. 9..." " Merete, what's up?" " Hans is having an affair." "But he can't." "You're Mr. and Mrs. Denmark." "Yes, we are." "And your hair is on fire." "He hasn't been home all night." "Last week he worked late three times." " The IRS closes at 2 p.m...." " And that's when I get suspicious." "I can't take it if he leaves me." "He's the only one I've ever loved." " Am I boring you?" " No." "Should I get a tattoo or my pussy pierced?" "You look in the yellow pages under "pussy" and work your way down." "Think only you and Natasja know how to spice up your sex lives?" "Sometimes I really envy you your freedom." "I've never been with anyone other than Hans." "He's banging some blonde, glad to be rid of my cellulite and tired tits." "You don't know he's having an affair." "Three kids I've squeezed through my birth canal for his sake!" "Well, fuck him." "Fuck him!" "I've left him a note saying I'm moving in here with the kids." " What?" " We'll have a lark, us two singles." "We ought to find a rich lover like Natasja who drowns us with gifts   because he's so ashamed that he's afraid to leave his wife." "I'm going to have sex with men from different countries... and women." "All the weekends I don't have the kids because we have joint custody." "Hans." "What are you doing here?" "What have you been up to?" " I've got a problem." " Is it the girl from kindergarten?" " Who?" " Your mistress!" "No, I've been to a casino three times a week for the past six months." "I think I'm addicted." "I've gambled all our savings away." "Every last cent." "Christ, Hans!" " It's okay." "I love you." " There's nothing left." "No, but it doesn't matter because you love one another." "Wow, love really does exist." "And right here in my living room." " I just want to look around." " For more Xmas gifts for yourself?" " You'll get your duck." " Turkey." "Why don't you spend Xmas with Beate?" "It's in the sticks with 34 guests and I always get the surprise gift." "Which is a bit much for a full-time retard like myself." " Will I ever find Mr. Right?" " Who says that makes you happy?" "You're happy with Beate, aren't you?" "She'll do anything for you." " You're lucky as hell to have her." " What a dumb thing to say." "Because I'm blind I should be grateful someone wants me?" "That's not what I meant." "Come on." " Wait up." " Now what?" " What are we looking at?" " The most beautiful ring I've seen." " What does it look like?" " It's a tiny flower." "It looks sad." "Right." "Salt, 9 o'clock, shot, 12 o'clock and lemon, 3 o'clock." "I'm positive this is how Jesus would want us to celebrate his birthday." " Look at me." " Look at me." "If my family was swimming around in a blender at an art museum,   would I switch it on?" "Maybe not." "But I wouldn't celebrate Xmas with them either." "Xmas with my family is like wearing a nylon shirt during a heatwave." "You go home on the bus with a loud bag full of fake designer stuff." "Wow, a pair of "Pyma" trainers." "A nice "Pruda"suit." "An "Odidas" track suit with one, two, three, four stripes." "That's why I spend Xmas with Martin." "Because I chose him myself." " Not around a dildo tree." " Yes." "Deck the halls with boughs of dil... 18, 48, come on." "58." "Yes." "Bingo." "Give me my gift." "Wowey..." "An apron." "Man, it's ugly." " Let's get on with it." " I chose that apron personally." "It's time you learnt how to cook." "It's time you paid more attention to the domestic chores." "It takes more than an apron." "Shall we get on with it?" "Come on. 18, 48." "18." "Come on." "I've only got one." "Yes!" "17." "Bingo." " Now you say bonanza bingo." " Five time champ, two full cards." "Can I have my gift, please?" " I'm just going to go to my place." " I want my gift." " That's what I'm going to get." " Gee, how secretive." "I haven't thought of Henrik for five hours and 21 minutes." "That's what I call a Xmas Eve." "Shit!" "Give me my gift, then." "You're not walking around naked in front of Martin." "Look, I spilt..." " He can't see anything." " No, thank God!" " Where are you?" " Right here, baby." "I've missed you." "Merry Christmas." " You, too." "How was it?" " I wish you'd been there." "Hey, taxi !" "It's Xmas Eve, I haven't got a life and I've sprained my ass." "What to do?" "Go to a bar and spend your fortune on booze." "Say hello to your misfortunes and rejoice that it can't get any worse." "Merry Christmas." "Not at all what I expected." "Nynne, I know our last meeting was a bit awkward." "Your panties and all..." "But I never meant to." " You do something to me." " Are you stalking me?" " When I'm with you I can be myself." " You can say that again!" " Let's rent a room." " No, I'm meeting Henrik here." "I know you're not together anymore." "Not that Henrik." "Another Henrik you don't know." "Good luck." " Hi, Nynne." " Hi." " Where have you been?" " Right here." "I couldn't find you." "Hi." "Henrik." "Come on." "Thank you." "For saving my life." "Aren't you.. ?" "No, don't ask." " Aren't you..?" " Yes, that's me." " What nectar do angels drink?" " Sazerac Kentucky Street Rye." "If they don't have that, a Wild Turkey." "Everyone has that." " Are you a bartender?" " No, I just get pissed all the time." "After four whiskeys and three Fuck Me Slowly On The Beach   my judgment isn't top-notch." "I want to see his house." "But I'm not taking off my jacket." "No way!" "I've often wondered about the meaning of life." "Is it to be naked?" "It must be." "Whoever's been naked for the longest time when they die, wins." "I'm going to..." "I'm going to penetrate you with my saber of love." " What?" " With my saber of love." "Oh, I didn't quite get it." "Welcome the warrior into your forbidden flower." " Are you laughing at me?" " No, no." "Oh, the joys of lovemaking." "Oh, the joys of lovemaking." "I've got violins in my arms and barber's itch on my cheeks." " Strike!" " But on the neighboring alley." "Sorry." "A strike is a strike." "Strike!" "On our alley." "Did I tell you he ranks fourth on the list   of Most Sexy Males In The Country?" "I think you mentioned it." "Strike." "He's launching his new cookbook at the D'Angleterre Hotel." "I can't concentrate when you keep blabbing away." " Want to come?" " No thanks." " I thought you thought he was great." " You thought he was a jerk." " Starfucker." " That was before I got to know him." "I can't play with this kiddie ball." "Have you seen my ball?" " They're all the same." " No, the holes are different." "Know what he does in bed?" " Shut up!" " Hey..." " I'm not doing anything." " Why can't you be happy for me?" " I'm in love." " It's great for you." " I'm going home to Beate." " But we aren't finished." " Jesus, I just bought these!" " Don't be such a baby." "If anyone's been a baby here, you have!" "Whining away all day." "For the past one and a half hour you've been a fucking sourpuss." ""Quiet, please." "I have to focus on my game."" " Come on." " Where are we going?" "To King's Square." "Several hundred years ago there lived a king called Christian V." "He wanted a grand equestrian statue of himself." "He commissioned a fancy French sculptor to do it." "It took 9 years." "When it was to be cast, the King had led the country into bankruptcy." "They couldn't afford the fancy bronze alloy they'd planned." "So they put lead in instead." "It was finished, erected and admired." "Not long after, the horse's legs started to give in to the weight." "The King had a new idea." "That's why he was king." "They wedged a sculpture of a fallen Swedish soldier underneath the horse." "He's holding up the King." " Are you my fallen Swede?" " Not a very sweet duty." ""How to believe in believing. "" "Everyone's read it, Nynne." "You can't just read the blurp." "I wonder how our royal friends are doing?" "They're just rebelling at what used to be revolutionary   but now feels reactionary because it's established." "Sure, the extreme is commonplace and that's moved the boundaries." "All artists want to provoke and so their works will always..." "I've been given a life." "It's fascinating to be around people   who've really taken a stand." "For me in particular." "Ask me a question and I'll give you five conflicting answers." "Imagine being able to choose that one right answer." "Ready, Nynne?" "Which of your traits do you hate the most?" "My combined inferiority complex and megalomania." "It may just be me but opinions can get tiring." "Particularly when you find out they got them from fortune cookies." " All the qualities..." " That we have like an inbred wisdom." "There's no Divine Maker." "We're backed up by natural history." "Something far greater than us." "Yeah, I read the blurp, too." "Look, he was quoting a blurb." " You didn't have to say it." " Why must it be so fucking serious?" "We have to exchange ideas in order to evolve as human beings." " You didn't comment on the food." " I said it was great." " The paella or what?" " Look." "All your food was fantastic." "You're the best, the smartest and the most talented chef in the land." "In the entire world." "Stay here, woman of mine." "Lie down." " What's that?" " Chantilly créme." " Did he use all your money?" " Including the kids' savings." "He feels so bad about it." "He does all the housework." "And that is why I have a shiny little surprise for him tonight." " You didn't!" " Yes." "We haven't been this much in love since we first met." "Daniel and I are so much in love, too." " Are you completely over Henrik?" " 100 %." " I dunno what I ever saw in him." " This food-sex thing is effective." "Does all kind of food work?" "I wouldn't mind eating meat loaf off of Hans' behind." " Can I..?" " No." "I'm sure Hans would love it." " It's great you're mad about Daniel." " We're going out to dinner tonight." "Natasja speaking." "I've been three weeks with Daniel without being revealed as ordinary." "Haven't smiled with spinach between my teeth." "Haven't smiled with spinach between my teeth." "Have shaved both legs daily to keep up illusion of modest hair growth." "Have lined toilet with toilet paper before use   to avoid sounding like raging torrent." "Have camouflaged elephantine nose by never being seen in profile." "Overall I'm so loaded with uppers that I'm floating on air   and wouldn't dream of coming back down again." "Fuck!" "Nynne?" " Hi." " Gee, hi." "How nice." "You must be Fiona." "... Fuckhead." " Are you on your own?" " Oh, no." "I'm waiting for my boyfriend." "Two GTs, please." " Did you want anything?" " No, thank you." "Oh, I hadn't noticed." "Cow!" " Two GTs." " Not for me." "No, they're mine." "Well, one of them is for someone who's on his way." " Sorry, I thought you were together." " No, I'm with someone else." " Want to move the tables together?" " Yes, while you're waiting." "Super." "Well, cheers." "Cheers." "Christ, Daniel stood me up." "Right in front of them!" "How do I get out of here without losing face completely?" "Natasja, maybe." "Oh." "Sorry." " Hello." " Where are you, Nynne?" "Say yes if you can talk." "How dreadful, Natasja." "What can I do?" " Just don't panic." " Anything else you need?" "We need to make up an excuse." "Say I've been in an accident." " Ouch!" " Say I've..." " Christ, I've only broken a nail." " Of course you're in shock, Natasja." " I'll be right over." " I hope it works out." "See you." " What's up?" " Natasja's in the hospital." "What shall we tell your boyfriend?" "Tell him I'm at the hospital and I'll be coming round afterwards." "He's in for a treat." " Nynne, are you okay?" " Yeah, just upset about Natasja." "It was great seeing you." " Next time you can see the baby." " I can hardly wait." "Bye." "Please go down and pose as my boyfriend." " What are you talking about?" " It would mean a lot to me." " Please." " I'm with..." "I'll give you..." " A handful of change?" " Listen up, mister!" "Waltz on down there and pose as my boyfriend or I'll kill you!" "Get a move on!" " Why didn't you show up?" " I had to go to Barcelona." "Barcelona?" "Of all the most lame excuses.. !" "You're so sweet when you're angry." "No!" "I'm sick and tired of you and myself and everything!" "Get lost." " Aren't you going to answer it?" " I don't know." " I have a surprise for you." " Didn't I tell you to get lost?" "Hello..." "Hi, Henrik." " Is it a bad time?" " Not at all." " I was worried about Natasja." " It wasn't serious." " Want me to come round?" " No." "We're leaving the hospital now." "She's fine." "She only broke a finger." " Who is it?" " Are you alone?" "My mom." "I have to go." "Bye." "My surprise is that you've bought yourself a crown." " I love you." " Do you love me?" "I love you." "Got any caviar?" "No." "I might have some cold pizza and some lettuce that may be too old." "Not quite what I had in mind, but go get it." "Go ahead." " Want me to adorn you with pizza?" " You make it sound so mundane." "Alrighty." "So did you chuck the pizza afterwards?" " Can't we see the pictures?" " No." "That wouldn't be okay." "What's wrong?" " It's about Henrik." " You haven't slept with him?" " No, Nynne has a boyfriend." " Nynne?" "A little." "I didn't mean to." "Last night the doorbell rang." "And then..." "And then you told him to go on home to his pregnant girlfriend." "You don't understand." "It's not that simple with Henrik." "Sure it is." "The man's a jerk." "Yes, but he's also the man I thought I would marry and who I loved." " Used to love, Nynne." " Sure." "Did he rip off his clothes and ravish you?" "He didn't exactly rip them off." "It was weird." "I've imagined what it would be like to get him back." "But when he finally lay there,   it was as if the magic had gone." "I just wasn't there." "I thought about all kinds of things." "Can animals breed mongols?" "And why not?" "Do only humans have chromosome abnormalities?" "It was so unromantic and so bizarre." "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "You're shouting "Mommy"." "And there we were." "In silence." " You've changed." " You haven't." " What about Daniel?" " I'm going to have to tell him." "You'll regret it, Nynne." "The truth is a killer." "Daniel, I've had sex with my ex." "Sex is a grand word for those four minutes." "Henrik just popped up." "It didn't mean anything..." "I'm so confused." "Hi." "Woman of mine." "I really want to be honest and don't know where the hell to begin." "It's veal ragout." " What do you think?" " Wow." " Daniel, I..." " Wow what?" " If you don't like it..." " I know it was wrong of me." "But I slept with Henrik yesterday." "I'm sorry." "Oh." ""Oh"?" "What do you mean by "oh"?" " I thought it was serious." " It is!" " Is the stock too strong?" " What?" "Since you don't like it." " You shouldn't feel bad." " It should feel like shit!" "Should I feel bad about having a wife and two kids in Barcelona, then?" "No. 9 on my Men I Hate List:" "Men who put tails in the ragout and have a fucking family in Barcelona." "Nynne has left the building." "The official winner by knockout." "Still the world champion in indoor self-loathing." "Still the world champion in indoor self-loathing." "I never should have been honest." "Honesty is totally overrated." "Let's face it." "I'll never find love." "I guess it's my destiny." " So you're Natasja's boyfriend?" " Lover." "Some people find happiness, a house and a pierced pussy,   and then there's me." "Guess what I had last Thursday." "A Prince Albert." "A pierced..." "It's funny." "It was my wife Merete's idea." "She has one, too." "Well, not a Prince Albert, but..." " At long last." "Where've you been?" " I do have a life of my own." " I'm having a dinner party." " So I should just come running?" " What's with you?" " Forget it." "You don't understand." " Hey, what's wrong?" " Yeah, what could be wrong?" "I have everything." "A nice girlfriend, a good job, a rich dead grandfather." " I ought to be pretty satisfied." " Yes." "So why do you think I'm like this?" "Got a pen so I can spell it out?" "Hi." "Come on in." "I've made meat loaf." " No, Martin isn't in the mood." " That's not for you to decide." " I'd love a piece of meat loaf." " I told you so." " How can you stand it?" " What?" "I could eat him up." "But he's married to someone else." "Think he'd bury me in flowers, gifts and trips to Paris, if he wasn't?" " Don't you want him for yourself?" " He's a man, not a pair of shoes." "I wouldn't share Hans with anyone." " Are you okay?" " No." "Hans, dishes." "You're such a moron that you can't see it." "Salt and pepper." " Come along now." " I'll be right there." "There's someone at the door." "Forgive me for being such an idiot." " What do you want?" " Fiona and I have broken up." " Why?" " She had a problem with my mom." " I want you to leave." " I can't exist without you." " He's left her." " Who?" "Henrik left the 24-year-old with no hips." "He wants Nynne back." " Good morning." " Good morning." "Gee, croissants." "Grapefruit." " I do." " What do you do?" "I found it." "I found it in your drawer." " When were you going to propose?" " I don't know." " Have I ruined your big surprise?" " A little." "I've never been so happy." "We're going to be together for the rest of our lives." "And you know what else?" "The house next to my sister's is up for sale." " In the country?" " Yes." "It's perfect." " It's a bit far away." " From what?" "From everything." "Except the countryside." "Juice?" "I've let go." "Everything's a mess." "When did I buy these shoes?" "I can't open the fridge or nothing." "I only want to talk to Martin." "But I've ruined that, too." "Never kiss your friends." "Is it a bad time?" "Here they are,   if you want to bring them to the launch party at the D'Angleterre." " There you are." " We've been looking everywhere." " What's up?" " Beate showed me her ring." "She and Martin are getting married." "They're moving to the country." "I know my timing is bad, but I have something important to say." " It's a bad time." " I have to be honest." "For once." "Nynne..." "Nobody's perfect." "But some people are perfect for each other." "It sounded so much better in my head." " I hadn't really planned further." " This is so like you!" " I'm out of here." "Good luck." " Don't leave." "I can't stand it that you're leaving and taking off with Beate..." "Just shut up!" "Beate and I have broken up." "May I ask who left?" "Ready?" " Okay." "What did I knock over?" " The two on the far right." " How the hell can you tell?" " I just can." "Move over." "No. 10 on my Men I Hate List:" "Men who warm up before bowling." "No, I didn't mean that." "Sorry." "You can't put your current boyfriend on your Men I Hate List." "My boyfriend loves me even though he knows me." "Welcome to chaos and have fun." "He won't put up with it for long." "Well, he really should own up instead of pretending to be in love." "I'd better say it before he does." "I'll say it for him." " What are you thinking about?" " Nothing."