"Anybody seen the Kelly Sisters?" "You, you're up in 5." " Keep the change, Charlie." " Thanks." "Where the hell have you been?" " And where is Veronica?" " She's not herself tonight." "But they came to see your sister act." "Don't sweat it." "I can do it alone." "Shit!" "Come on!" "Move it!" "Hurry up!" "Ladies and gentlemen, the Onyx club is proud to present Chicago's hottest dancing duo," "Two jazz babes moving as one." "The Kelly Sisters!" "* Come on babe *" "* Why don't we paint the town?" "*" "* And all that Jazz *" "* I'm gonna rouge my knees *" "* And roll my stockings down *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Start the car *" "* I know a whoopee spot *" "* Where the gin is cold *" "* But the piano's hot *" "* It's just a noisy hall *" "* Where there's a nightly brawl *" "* And all *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "* And all that jazz *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Slick your hair *" "* And wear your buckle shoes *" "* And all that Jazz *" "* I hear that Father Dip *" "* Is gonna blow the blues *" "* And all that Jazz *" "* Hold on, hon *" "* We're gonna bunny hug *" "* I bought some aspirin *" "* Down at United Drug *" "* In case you shake apart *" "* And want a brand new start *" "* To do * * that *" "* Jazz *" "Let's go, babe." "But I didn't even meet your friend." "That manager guy." "Don't worry, Roxie." "It's all taken care of." "You told him about me?" "Yeah, kid." "It's all arranged." "* Find a flask *" "* We're playing fast and loose *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Right up here *" "* Is where I store the juice *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Come on, babe *" "* We're gonna brush the sky *" "* I bet you luck Lindy *" "* Never flew so high *" "* 'Cause in the stratosphere *" "* How could he lend an ear * * to all * * that *" "* Jazz?" "*" "* Oh, you're gonna see your * * sheba shimmy shake *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Oh, she's gonna shimmy * * 'till her garters break *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Show her where to park her girdle *" "* Oh, her mother's blood'll curdle *" "* If she'd hear her baby's queer *" "* For all * * that * * jazz *" " Hello, Miss Borusewicz." " Mrs. Hart." "This is Fred." "He's my brother." "* All * * that * * jazz *" "* Come on, babe *" "* Why don't we paint * the town?" "*" "* And all that jazz *" "* I'm gonna * * rouge my knees *" "* And roll my * * stockings down *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Start the car *" "* I know a whoopee spot *" "* Where the gin is cold *" "* But the piano's hot *" "* It's just a noisy hall *" "* Where there's a nightly brawl *" "* And all * * that * * jazz *" "Say it again, Frank." "You're a star, kid." "My little shooting star!" "* No, I'm no one's wife, but *" "* Oh, I love my life *" "* And all * * that *" "* Yeah *" "* That Jazz!" "*" "Say it again, Fred." "Jesus." "Hey, where's the fire?" "Amos ain't home till midnight." "Freddie?" "Fred?" "Hey, you know," "I don't want you to feel like I'm nagging at you or anything, but don't you think it's about time that I met your friend down at the Onyx?" "I mean, it's been a month since you told him about me." "I know." "'Cause that was the night Velma Kelly, plugged her husband and her sister." "You know, they say that she found them in the kip together." "Gosh, if I ever found" "Amos soaping' it to somebody else..." "Boy, I'd throw him a party." " A big, big going away party." " It's getting late." "I have been thinking a lot about my act, though." "Whenever I get a good idea, I write it down in my diary before it goes out of my head." "And you know what occurred to me?" "The other day... that... all the really really knock-out acts have something a little different going on, you know?" "Like, a signature band." "And I thought my thing could be.." ""aloof"... you know?" "Give them just enough to get them good and hungry but always leave them wanting more." "Once I get a name for myself, maybe maybe we can open up a club of our own, you know?" "You could run it, and I could be the headliner." " Oh, get off." " What's the idea?" "Wake up, kiddo, you ain't never gonna have an act." "Says who?" "Face it, Roxie." "You're a two-bit talent with skinny legs." "And I'm just a furniture salesman." "Yeah, but you got connections, you know." "That guy down at the club..." "There's no guy." "Yeah, that night..." "It was the first time I set foot in that joint." "I was collecting on a bet from the trombone player." "So you never told anyone about me?" "Sugar, you are hot stuff." "I would have said anything to get a piece of that." "So now what?" "..." "Now?" "We had some laughs." "Let's just leave it at that." "Fred..." "You can't do this to me." "You get off!" "You touch me again, I'll put your lights out." " Wait..." " Your husband will be home soon, why don't you wash yourself before you go hitting those sheets again." " You're a liar, Fred." " Oh, yeah, so what?" "You lied to me..." "That's life, sweetheart." "That's life." "You son of a bitch..." "You son of a bitch!" "You son of a bitch!" "Why are you bothering, Sal?" "This one's all wrapped up." "I hear it's a new city record." "From killing to confession in an hour flat." "Why did you get the murder weapon?" "I keep a gun in the underwear drawer." "Just in case of trouble, you know." "That's just fine." "Sign right there, Mr. Hart." "Freely and gladly." "Freely and gladly." "And mind you don't say we beat it out of you when you get up on the witness stand." "No, I give myself up." "Surrendered of my own free will." " Isn't he the cheerful murderer!" " Shooting a burglar ain't murder." "Just last week a jury thanked a man." "I'm always grateful for citizens who know the law." "Get in there." "You too." "Sit down." "Okay, from the top." "A man has got a right to protect his home and his loved ones, right?" "Of course he has." "I come home from the garage, and I see him climbing through the window." "With my wife Roxie laying there, sleeping like an angel." "Is that true, Mrs. Hart?" "I'm telling you, it's the God's honest truth." "My wife has nothing to do with it." "She won't hurt a worm." "Not even a worm." "It wasn't until I fired the first shot, then she even opened her eyes." "Boy she's some heavy sleeper, I always said she could sleep through the St. Patty's day parade." "When I think of what would have happened if I went out for a beer with the guys instead of coming straight home..." "It makes me sick even to think about it..." "For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart would like to sing a song of love and devotion." "Dedicated to her dear husband, Amos." "* Sometimes I'm right *" "* Sometimes I'm wrong *" "* But he doesn't care *" "* He'll string along *" "* He loves me so *" "* That funny honey of mine *" "* Sometimes I'm down *" "* Sometimes I'm up *" "* But he follows 'round *" "* Like some droopy-eyed pup *" "* He love me so *" "* That funny honey of mine *" "Like I said, even after I shot him, he kept coming at me." "So I had to pull the trigger again." "* He ain't no sheik *" "* That's no great physique *" "* And Lord knows * * he ain't got the smarts *" "* But look at that soul *" "* I tell you that whole *" "* Is a whole lot greater *" "* Than the sum of his parts *" "* And if you knew him like me *" "* I know you'd agree *" "* What if the world *" "* Slandered my name?" "*" "* Why he'd be right there *" "* Taking the blame *" "* He loves me so *" "* And it all suits me fine *" "* That funny sunny honey *" "* Hubby of mine *" "I mean suppose if... just suppose that he had violated her or something." "You know what I mean, violated?" "I know what you mean." "Or something." "Think how terrible that would have been." "It's good thing I got home from work on time." "* He loves me so *" " I'm telling you that." "* That funny honey of mine *" " I say I'm telling you that." "Name of deceased:" "Fred Casely." "Fred Casely?" "How could he be a burglar?" "My wife knows him." "He sold us our furniture." "He gave us 10% off." "* Lord knows he ain't got the smarts *" " She told me he was the burglar!" " You mean he was dead when you got home?" "I'm covering the sheet and she's telling me some cock'n'bull story about this burglar." "And how I ought to say I did it 'cause I was sure to get off." ""Help me, Amos." she says, "It's my goddamn hour of need."" "* Now he shot off his trap *" "* I can't stand that sap *" "* Look at him go!" "*" " And I believed her," "* Ranting on me!" "*" " That cheap little tramp." "* With just one more brain *" " So she was two-timing me, huh?" "* What a half-wit he'd be!" "*" " Well I'm through protecting her now..." "* If they string me up *" " I'm on the garage with my butt 14 hours a day." "* Well I'll know who ... *" " And she's up there munching on bonbons," "And tramping around like some goddamn floozy!" "Thought she could pull the wool over my eyes, eh?" "* That scummy... *" " I wasn't born yesterday." "* crummy... dummy... *" " I tell you that some things a man just can't take." "* Hubby of mine. *" " And this time she pushed me too far." "I didn't shoot him." "Boy what a sap I was!" "You double-crosser!" "You big blabber-mouth!" " You promised you'd stick..." " What're you talking about?" "You've been sticking me, Roxanne!" " Stop it!" " You told me it's a burglar!" " The whole time you've been jazzing him." " Goddamn it!" "You are a disloyal husband!" "Look, it's true." "I shot him." "But it was self-defense." "He was trying to burgle me." "From what I hear, he's been burglin' you three times a week for the last month." "So what do you say, Missus?" " That's him, all right." " Thank you." "Your story doesn't wash, Mrs. Hart." "So try this on for size." "Fred Casely was a good time on the side, with Goofy here as a meal ticket." "Meal ticket?" "He couldn't buy my liquor." "And Fred Casely could?" "With a wife and five little Caselys?" "Or did he forget to mention them." " What?" " All his." "That bastard!" "That bastard!" "Yeah, I killed him." "And I would kill him again!" "Once was enough, deary." "Take her downtown." "Come on." "Here they come!" "This way, honey." "Oh, come on." "It's a shame to hide such a beautiful face." "Why'd you shoot him?" "Why don't you give us a profile, with a little smile like the girl from the toothpaste ad?" "Enjoy it while you can." "Take this down." "Assistant District Attorney Harrison says this is a hanging case." " Hanging?" " I'm ready to go to the jury tomorrow." " What do you mean hanging?" " Not so confident anymore, are you?" "Take her down to the Cook County Jail." "Come on, sweetie." "Headline." "What did you shoot him?" "Was he cruel to you?" "Did he beat you?" "Was he fooling' around?" "Hey, what do you mean hanging?" "Morphine, opium, cocaine?" "Arm length: 31inches..." "The matron's on her way." "So don't get too cozy." "Put off that cigarette!" "Ever had Morton before?" "She's fine... as long as you keep her happy." "And now, ladies and gentlemen." "The keeper of the keys, the countess of the clink, the mistress of murderers' row..." "Matron Mama Morton!" "* Ask any of the chickies in my pen *" "* They'll tell you I'm * * the biggest mother hen *" "* I love them all and * * all of them love me *" "* Because the system works *" "* The system called reciprocity... *" "On your feet." "Welcome, ladies." "* Got a little motto *" "* Always sees me through *" "* When you're good to Mama *" "* Mama's good to you. *" "You might think I'm here to make your life a living hell." "It's just not true." "* There's a lot of favors *" "* I'm prepared to do *" "* You do one for Mama *" "* She'll do one for you. *" "I'd be your friend if you let me." "So if there's something that upsets you or makes you unhappy in any way, don't shoot your fat-ass mouth off on me 'cause I won't give a shit." "Now move it out." "* They say that life is tit for tat *" "* And that's the way I live *" "* So, I deserve a lot of tat *" "* For what I've got to give *" "* Don't you know that this hand *" "* Washes that one too *" "* When you're good to Mama *" "* Mama's good to you. *" "Let's go!" "You must be Hart." "Ain't you the pretty one?" " Thank you, ma'am." " Oh, no, call me Mama." "I'm gonna take care of you." "Now, you'd be happy taken down in the East block." "Murderers' Row, we call it." "Oh?" "Is that nicer?" "I don't think I really belong in here." "I didn't actually do anything wrong." "No need to tell me, honey." "I never heard of a man getting killed, when he didn't get just what was coming to him." "Hey, mama." "Come here." "Velma Kelly?" "You're the Velma Kelly?" "You know I was there that night?" "I was there the night that you got arrested." "Yeah, you and half of Chicago." "Look at this, Mama." "An editorial denouncing me in Redbook magazine." ""Not in memory do we recall so fiendish and horrible a double homicide."" "Baby you couldn't buy that kind of publicity." "Couldn't buy it?" "I guess I can keep this then." "Nice try." "* If you want my gravy *" "* Pepper my ragout *" "* Spice it up for Mama *" "* She'll get hot for you *" "* When they pass that basket *" "* Folks contribute to *" "* You put in for Mama *" "* She'll put out for you *" "* The folks atop the ladder *" "* Are the ones the world adores *" "* So boost me up my ladder, Kid *" "* And I'll boost you up yours *" "* Let's all stroke together *" "* Like the Princeton crew *" "* When you're stroking' Mama *" "* Mama's stroking' you *" "* So what's the one conclusion *" "* I could bring this number to?" "*" "* When you're good to Mama *" "* Mama's good to you!" "*" "Mama?" "It's... kinda... freezing in here." "You don't think maybe there's something wrong with the heat?" "Not that I'm complaining, but... you know..." "If you've got a couple of extra blankets tucked away..." "Lights out, ladies." "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Uh uh *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz!" "*" "And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook county jail in their rendition of" "The Cell-block Tango." "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Uh uh *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz!" "*" "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Uh uh *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz!" "*" "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Uh uh *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz!" "*" "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Uh uh *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz!" "*" "* He had it coming *" "* He only had himself to blame *" "* If you'd have been there *" "* If you'd have seen it *" "* I betcha you would * * have done the same!" "*" "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Uh uh *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz!" "*" "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Uh uh *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz!" "*" "You know how people have these little habits that get you down?" "Like, Bernie." "Bernie liked to chew gum." "No, not chew." "Pop." "So I came home this one day, and I'm really irritated." "And I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy." "And there's Bernie, lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing." "No, not chewing." "Popping!" "So I said to him," ""You pop that gum one more time..."" "And he did." "So I took the shotgun off the wall and" "I fired two warning shots... into his head." "* He had it coming *" "* He only had himself to blame *" "* If you'd have been there *" "* If you'd have heard it *" "* I betcha you would * * Have done the same!" "*" "I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago." "And he told me he was single." "And we hit it off right away." "So we started living together." "He'd go to work." "He'd come home." "I'd fixed him a drink." "We did dinner." "And then I found out." "Single, he told me." "Single my ass!" "Not only he was married, oh no." "He has 6 wives." "One of those Mormons, you know." "So that night when he came home from work," "I fixed him his drink, as usual." "You know some guys just can't hold their arsenic." "* He had it coming *" "* He took a flower * * In its prime *" "* And then he used it *" "* And he abused it *" "* It was a murder *" "* But not a crime!" "*" "Now I'm standing in the kitchen." "Carving up a chicken for dinner minding my own business." "In storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage." ""You've been screwing the milkman?" he says." "He was crazy." "And he kept on screaming, "You've been screwing the milkman!"" "And then he ran into my knife." "He ran into my knife 10 times." "* If you'd have been there *" "* If you'd have seen it *" "* I betcha you would * * have done the same!" "*" "[Hungarian] What am I doing here?" "They say, the famous Hungarian Police, that I killed my husband." "But I didn't do it." "I'm not guilty." "I can't believe that Uncle Sam says I'm guilty." "They say I did it, but really I..." "Yeah, but did she do it?" "Uh-uh!" "Not guilty!" "My sister Veronica and I had this double act." "And my husband Charlie traveled around with us." "Now for the last number in our act we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row." "1- 2 - 3 - 4 5" " Split" " Spread eagles" "Back flips" " Flip-flops..." "One right after the other." "So this one night before the show, we were down at the Hotel Cicero." "The three of us boozin', havin' a few laughs." "And we ran out of ice." "So I go out to get some." "I come back." "Open the door." "And there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number 17:" "the spread eagle!" "Well, I was in such a state of shock." "I completely blacked out." "I can't remember a thing." "It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead!" "* They had it coming *" "* They had it coming all along *" "* I didn't do it *" "* But if I'd done it *" "* How could you tell me * * that I was wrong?" "*" "* They had it coming *" "* They had it coming all along *" "* I didn't do it *" "* But if I'd done it *" "* How could you tell me * * that I was wrong?" "*" "I loved Al Lipschitz more than I could possibly say." "He was a real artistic guy." "Sensitive." "A painter." "But he was always trying to find himself." "He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way... he found Ruth," "Gladys," "Rosemary, and Irving." "I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences." "He saw himself as alive." "And I saw him dead." "* The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum *" "* They had it comin' *" "* They had it comin' * * All along *" "* 'Cause if they used us *" "* And they abused us *" "* How could you tell us * * that we were wrong?" "*" "* He had it coming *" "* He only had himself to blame. *" "* If you'd have been there *" "* If you'd have seen it *" "* I betcha you would * * have done the same!" "*" " You pop that gum one more time..." " Single my ass!" "Ten times" " Number 17, the spread eagle" " Artistic differences" "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Uh uh *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz!" "*" "Who belongs to them?" " What's it to you?" " Nothing." "Heard they were Velma's." "Yeah, the Hunyak does all her laundry for a buck a week." "Fresh towels for the can." "Make it quick." "...I'm gonna take care of you now." "I'm working on a couple of things now, let me ask." "Now, Billy Flynn set your trial day for March 5th." "March 7th, you'll be acquitted." "On March 8th, you know what Mama's gonna do for you?" "Mama's gonna put you back on the Vaudeville circle." "So now you're an agent too?" "Well deary, until Ma Bell installs a private line in your cell all your calls are gonna go through me." "What kind of dough are we talking about?" "You know, it's a crazy world." "I mean, Babe Ruth is wearing rouge and playing a palace for $5,000 a week." "Yeah." "And what about someone with real talent?" "Well, I can talk to the boys over at William Morris." "And due to your recent sensational activities, they seem to think they can get you $2,500." "$2,500?" "Geez, the most me and Veronica made was $350." "Yeah, well, that's what happens when you have the right presentation." "You know what, Mama?" "I always wanted to play Big Jim Colosimo's." "Do you think you can get me that?" " Big Jim's?" " Yeah." "Geez, I don't know." "It's gonna take another phone call." "And how much is that gonna cost?" "Oh, come on, Vel." "You know how I feel about you." "You're like family to me." "You're like one of my own." " I'll do it for 50 bucks." " 50 bucks for a phone call?" "You must get a lot of wrong numbers, Mama." "Oh, Miss Kelly." "That's your personals." "Freshly pressed by yours truly." "No, no." "It's my pleasure." "Hey, listen." "Can I ask you something?" "You know that Harrison guy?" "He said that what I done is a hanging case and that he's prepared to ask for the maximum penalty." "Yeah?" "So?" "So, I'm scared." "I sure would appreciate some advice." "Especially from someone I admire as much as you." "You see, since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage." "Really?" "What's your talent?" "Washing and drying?" " No." "I dance in the chorus." " Oh." " That was before I met my husband Amos." " Look, honey, you want some advice?" "Here it is, direct from me to you." "Keep your paws off my underwear, okay?" "Yeah, okay." "Thanks... for nothin'." "She's somethin', ain't she?" "I tell you, no matter how big she gets, she's still as common as ever." "I'd like to help you, deary." "Take a load off." "So, what do you figure on using for grounds?" "What do you mean grounds?" "What are you gonna tell the jury?" "I figure I'd tell them the truth." " The truth?" " Yeah." "That's a one way ticket to the death house." "Holy mother of God." "Relax." "I mean, in this town, murder is a form of entertainment." "Besides, in 47 years Cook County ain't never hung a woman yet." "So the odds are 47 to 1..." " that they won't hang you." " Jesus, Mary and Joseph." "You're talking to the wrong people." "What you need, is Billy Flynn." " Who?" " Billy Flynn." "He's only the best criminal lawyer in all of Illinois." "I'm telling you." "What he don't know about juries and women." "How do you get this Billy Flynn?" "Well, not by praying', dearie." "First, you give me a hundred dollars." "Then I'll make a phone call." "A hundred dollars?" "Well you just..." "I mean, it seems pretty steep for a phone call." "Oh, but he's worth every cent." "He's never lost a case for a female client yet." "And with a sweet little puss like yours, well..." "Let's just say justice ain't so blind in Chicago." " He's never lost a case?" " Never." "Every girl in this place would kill to have Billy Flynn represent her." "* We want Billy *" "* B, *" "* I, *" "* Double-L, Y *" "* We're all his *" "* He's our kind of a guy *" "* And ooh what luck *" "* Cause here he is... *" "Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the silver tongue, the prince of the courtroom, the one, the only..." "Billy Flynn!" "* I don't care about expensive things *" "* Cashmere coats, diamond rings *" "* Don't mean a thing *" "* All I care about is love *" "* That's what I'm here for *" "* I don't care for wearing silk cravats *" "* Ruby studs, satin spats *" "* Don't mean a thing *" "* All I care about is love *" "* Give me two *" "* Eyes of blue *" "* Softly saying *" "* I need you *" "* Let me see her standin' there and *" "* Honest, mister, * * I'm a millionaire *" "* I don't care for any fine attire *" "* Vanderbilt might admire *" "* No, no, not me *" "*" " All I care about is love... * *" " All he cares about is love *" "Good morning, ladies." "Not guilty!" "You tell him, sweetheart." "* That's what he's here for *" "Excuse me, gentlemen." "Miss Kelly, do you remember anything at all about that night?" "I passed out completely, Miss Sunshine." "I can't remember a thing." "Only that I didn't do it." "Any idea who did, dear?" "No." "But my client is offering a substantial reward to anyone with information about this crime." "How much is the reward, Miss Kelly?" " I don't know." "How much?" " We'll work it out after the trial." "Now, if there are no more questions, Miss Kelly and I have a lot of work to do." "What's all this about a reward?" "Awfully dumb reporters." "They write it up wrong, you deny the whole thing later on." " Thank you!" " One more question..." "* All he cares about is love *" " Mr. Flynn, I'm Roxie Hart." " Who?" "Mama talked to you about me." "Oh, yeah." "Right." "The cute one." "I was hoping that you might represent me." "You have $5,000?" "Gee." "That's a lot of money." "Mama didn't say anything about $5,000." "Lookit, Mr. Flynn." "I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but..." "Maybe we could... make some sort of arrangement between us." "And I can be an awfully good sport." "Good, you got that out of your system." "Now listen, you mean just one thing to me." "You call me when you've got $5,000." "* All he cares about is love *" "* Show me long Raven hair *" "* Flowin' down, 'bout to there *" "* When I see her *" "* Runnin' free *" "* Keep your money, * * that's enough for me *" "* I don't care for drivin' Packard cars *" "* Or smoking Long Buck Cigars *" "* No, no, not me *" "* All I care about is *" "* Doin' the guy in *" "* Who's pickin', on you *" "* Twistin' the wrist *" "* That's turnin' the screw *" "* All I care about * * is love!" "*" "Oh, he'll see you now." "Hello, Andy." "Amos, my name is Amos." "That's right." "Take a seat." " You know, you're a remarkable man." " Huh?" "Your wife two-times you." "Plugs the guy and tries to pin it on you." "Most men would let a dame like that swing, but no, you're sticking by her." "Makes you a hero in my eyes." "That's right." "I'm a hero." "Did you bring the money?" "I didn't do as well as I hoped." "But," "I will, Mr. Flynn." "I will." "This is only a thousand." "Plus this $300 I borrowed from the guys down at the garage, and there's 7... $700 from the Building and Loan Fund." "$2,000" "And that's all I got so far." "But I'll give you $20 off my salary every week." "I'll give you notes with interest." "Double, triple, until every cent is paid, I promise." "When you came to me yesterday, I didn't ask if she was guilty." "I didn't ask if she was innocent." "I didn't ask if she was a drunk, or a dope fiend." "No." "All I said was, Do you have $5,000?" "You said yes!" "But you don't have $5,000!" "So I figure you're a dirty liar and I don't waste my time with dirty liars." "Look..." "I'm real sorry, Mr. Flynn." "On the other hand, your devotion to your wife is really very touching." "I'll take your wife's case." "And I'll keep it." "Because I play square." "Now look, Hart." "I don't like to blow my own horn." "But believe me." "If Jesus Christ had lived in Chicago today and if he had $5,000 and he'd come to me, things would have turned out differently." "All right, this is what we're gonna do." "By the end of the week, I'm gonna have Roxie's name on the front page of every newspapers in town." "Sweetest little jazz killer ever to hit Chicago." "That's the angle I'm after." "You make an announcement, we're gonna have an auction." "Tell them we gotta raise some money for the defense." "They'll buy everything she's ever touched." "Everything." "Your shoes, your dresses, your perfume, your underwear." "And the Victrola records." "Like the one I was playing when I shot the bastard." "I didn't hear that!" "Not that I didn't have "grounds", mind you." "Hey, what are they?" "That's when we go to trial." "Look, nobody's gonna care a lick what your defense is unless they care about you." "So first thing we gotta do is work up some sympathy from the press." "And they're not all pushovers like Mary Sunshine, but" "There is one thing that they can never resist." "And that is a reformed sinner." "So tell me," " What was your favorite subject in school?" " Oh, I was a real dummy." "There must be something that you were really good at." "I got high marks in Courtesy and Hygiene." " Perfect, you wanted to be a nun." " A nun?" " Where were you born?" " On a chicken farm outside of Lubbock." "Beautiful southern home, filled with every luxury and refinement." "Where are your parents now?" "Probably on the front porch in their rocking chairs." "Parents dead." "Family fortune swept away." "You were educated at the Sacred Heart." "Then you fell into a runaway marriage." "Left you miserable, alone, unhappy." "And of course you got all swept up in the mad whirl of this city." "Jazz, cabarets, liquor." " You were drawn like a moth to the flame." " A moth?" "And now the mad whirl has ceased, and you are a butterfly, crushed on the wheel!" "So which is it?" "Is it the moth or the butterfly?" " You have sinned and you're sorry." " God, that's beautiful." "Cut out God." "Stay where you're better acquainted." "Kid, when I'm through with you, not only will you be acquitted, but every man on that jury will wanna take you home to meet his mother." "I was born on a beautiful southern convent." "What?" "Oh, holy shit!" "Oh, I'm never gonna get this straight!" "Pipe down the swearing'." "Look, from here on in, you say nothing rougher than "Oh damn"." "Now try it again." " I was born on..." " Come on..." "You know what are some more things to do on the witness stand?" "I thought I'd get all teary-eyed and ask for your handkerchief." "Then I thought I'd take a peek at the jury like this." "Flashin' a bit of thigh, heh?" "What do you think?" "Sounds great." "Hey, don't you want to hear the rest?" "Tomorrow, kiddo." "You're at the top of my list." "Well, well, well." "Sorry to be late, Mr. Flynn." "Hope you aren't too bored." "I like it." "Hey, Pollyanna." "I heard your press conference is tomorrow." "Yeah, what's it to you?" "Well, you wanted my advice, right?" "Well, here it is." "Don't forget Billy Flynn's number-one client is Billy Flynn." "Meaning what?" "Meaning, don't let him hug the spotlight." "You're the one they pay to see." "Remember, we can only sell them one idea at a time." "I can still see him coming at me with that awful look in his eyes." "And?" "And we..." "both reached for the gun." "That's right, you both reached for the gun." " Ready?" " Yeah." "Good day gentlemen, gentlemen, Miss Sunshine." "My client has just entered a plea of not guilty." "We look forward to a trial at the earliest possible date." "Now are there any questions?" "Miss Sunshine." "As you know, my paper is dry." "Do you have any advice for young girls, seeking to avoid a life of jazz and drink?" "Absolutely yes." "Mrs. Hart feels that it was the tragic combination of liquor and jazz, which lead to her downfall." "Next question, please." "Ladies and gentlemen," "I would just like to say how flattered I am that you all came to see me." "Mrs. Hart is very pleased..." "You see, I was a moth..." "crushed on the wheel." "You know, a butterfly, drawn to the..." "I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard." "Shut up, dummy." "Mr. Billy Flynn in the Press Conference Rag." "Notice how his mouth never moves... almost." "Where'd you come from?" "* Mississippi *" "And your parents?" "* Very wealthy. *" "Where are they now?" "* Six feet under. *" "* But she was granted one more start *" "* The convent of The Sacred Heart!" "*" "* When'd you get here?" "* * 1920 *" "* How old were you?" "*" "* Don't remember *" "* Then what happened?" "*" "* I met Amos *" "* And he stole my heart away *" "* Convinced me to * * elope one day *" "Oh, you poor dear, I can't believe what you've been through." "A convent girl, a runaway marriage." "Now tell us Roxie." "* Who's Fred Casely?" "*" "* My ex-boyfriend. *" "* Why'd you shoot him?" "*" "* I was leavin'. *" "* Was her angry?" "*" "* Like a madman *" "* Still I said:" "Fred, move along. *" "* She knew that she was doin' wrong. *" "* Then describe it. *" "* He came toward me. *" "* With the pistol?" "*" "* From my bureau. *" "* Did you fight him?" "*" "* Like a tiger. *" "* He had strength and she had none. *" "* And yet we both * * reached for the gun *" "* Oh yes, oh yes, * * oh yes we both *" "* Oh yes we both *" "* Oh yes, we both * * reached for *" "* The gun, the gun, * * the gun, the gun *" "* Oh yes, we both * * reached for the gun *" "* For the gun *" "* Oh yes, oh yes, * * oh yes they both *" "* Oh yes, they both *" "* Oh yes, they both * * reached for *" "* The gun, the gun, * * the gun, the gun, *" "* Oh yes, they both * * reached for the gun * * for the gun. *" "* Understandable. * * Understandable. *" "* Yes, it's perfectly * * understandable *" "* Comprehensible." "Comprehensible *" "* Not a bit reprehensible *" "* It's so defensible!" "*" "* How're you feeling?" "*" "* Very frightened *" "* Are you sorry?" "*" "* Are you kidding?" "*" "* What's you're statement?" "*" "* All I'd say is *" "* Though my choo-choo * * jumped the track *" "* I'd give my life * * to bring him back *" "*" " And?" "* *" " Stay away from *" "*" " What?" "* *" " Jazz and liquor *" "*" " And?" "* *" " And the men who *" "*" " What?" "* *" " Play for fun *" "*" " And what?" "* *" " That's the thought that *" "*" " Yeah * *" " Came upon me *" "*" " When?" "* *" " When we both reached for the gun!" "*" "* Understandable, understandable *" "* Yes, it's perfectly * * understandable *" "* Comprehensible, comprehensible *" "* Not a bit reprehensible *" "* It's so defensible!" "*" "* Oh yes, oh yes, * * oh yes, they both *" "* Oh yes, they both *" "* Oh yes, they both * * reached for *" "Let me hear it!" "* The gun, the gun, * * the gun, the gun *" "* Oh yes, they both *" "* Reached for the gun *" "* For the gun *" "A little louder!" "* Oh yes, oh yes, * * oh yes, they both *" "* Oh yes, they both *" "* Oh yes, they both * * reached for *" "* The gun, the gun, * * the gun, the gun *" "* Oh yes." "They both *" "* Reached for the gun *" "* For the gun *" "* Oh yes, oh yes, * * oh yes, they both *" "* Oh yes, they both *" "* Oh yes, they both * * reached for *" "* The gun, the gun, * * the gun, the gun *" "* Oh yes, they both * * reached for the gun. *" "* For the gun *" "* Oh yes, oh yes, * * oh yes, they both *" "* Oh yes, they both *" "* Oh yes, they both * * reached for *" "* The gun, the gun, * * the gun, the gun... *" "* Both reached for the... gun *" "Move over Al Capone," "The windy city has taken a new criminal to its height." "The name on everybody's lips is, Roxie Hart." "The sweetest little lady ever accused of murder in Chicago." "Women want to look like her." "Fellows want to go out with her." "Some little girls even want to take her home." "Don't get any ideas, little lady." "On the other side of town, the assistant D. A. promises the gay little sharp-shooter will swing before the year is up." "Who knows?" "If he lives up to his word," "Assistant D. A. Harrison might become Governor Harrison some day." "Back at the scene of the crime, everybody wants a little piece of Roxie Hart." "This jar of cold cream set her husband back 20 dollars!" "Maybe this pretty little lady will get some of that famous Roxie style." "It seems everybody these days is rooting for..." "Roxie Hart." "Take those wilted flowers over to the orphanage and make sure they know who sent them." "So, kiddo," "Given it any thought of what you wanna do after Billy gets you off?" "Yeah, I think I'd like to go on the stage." "Yeah, I figured as much." "I already called the Morris office." "Really?" "How much is that gonna cost me?" "A fair deal." "10% of all your takings." "Yeah, well." "We'll see, Mama." "Besides, I don't even have an act yet." "Killing Fred Casely was your act." "That's all those stiffs in the audience want." "To say they saw somebody famous." "It's a freak act." "And besides, I am better than that." "Of course you are, cupcake." "I mean, you can be as big as Sophie Tucker." "You really think so?" "Bigger than Kanther and Juleson combined." "You know, I've always wanted to have my name in all the papers." "Before I met Amos, I used to date this well-to-do, ugly bootlegger." "He used to take me out and show me off." "Ugly guys like to do that." "Once it said in the paper," ""Gangland's Al Capelli seen at Chez Vito with cute blonde corinne."" "That was me." "I clipped and I saved it." "You know all my life, I wanted to have my own act." "But, no..." "It's always no, they always turn me down." "One big world full of no." "And then Amos came along." "Safe, sweet Amos." "Who never says no." "I've never done this before." "But you know, it is such a special night and you are such a great audience!" "And..." "I really feel like I can talk to you, you know?" "So forget what you've read in the papers." "And forget what you've heard on the radio." "Because... because I'm gonna tell you the truth." "Not that the truth really matters." "But I'm gonna tell you anyway." "In the apartment, Amos was... zero." "I mean, when he made love to me, it goes like..." "It was like he was fixing a carburetor or something." "I love you, honey..." "Anyway," "I started fooling' around." "Then I started screwing' around." "Which is... fooling around without dinner." "Then I met Fred Casely." "Who said that he could get me into Vaudeville." "But that didn't quite work out like I planned." "I guess it didn't really work out too great for Fred either." "So I gave up on the whole Vaudeville idea." "'Cause if you can't figure after all these years, opportunities just pass you by." "* But it ain't *" "* Oh no, no, no, no. * * But it ain't *" "And now, with this Flynn guy, with all these publicity," "I got me a world full of yes!" "* The name on everybody's lips *" "* Is gonna be *" "* Roxie *" "* The lady raking' in the chips *" "* Is gonna be *" "* Roxie *" "* I'm gonna be a celebrity *" "* That means somebody * * everyone knows *" "* They're gonna recognize my eyes *" "* My hair, my teeth, * * my boobs, my nose *" "* From just some dumb * * mechanic's wife *" "* I'm gonna be *" "* Roxie *" "* Who says that * * murder's not an art?" "*" "* And who, in case * * she doesn't hang, * * can say she started * * with a bang?" "*" "* Roxie Hart!" "*" "Boys?" "* They're gonna wait * * outside in line *" "* To get to see *" "* Roxie *" "* Think of those autographs I'll sign *" "* Good luck to you, *" "* Roxie *" "* And I'll appear in a lavaliere *" "* That goes all the way * * down to my waist *" "* Here a ring, there a ring *" "* Everywhere a ring a ling *" "* But always in the best of taste *" "Oooh..." "I'm a star." "And the audience loves me." "And I love them." "And they love me for loving them." "And I love them for loving me." "And we love each other." "And that's 'cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods." "And that's show biz." "Kid." "* She's giving up here humdrum life *" "* I'm gonna be *" "* Roxie. *" "* She made a scandal and a start. *" "* And Sophie Tucker * * will shit, I know *" "* To see her name * * get billed below *" "* Roxie Hart!" "*" "* Roxie *" "I just can't take it anymore." "I can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato!" "Oh, Mama, not you too." "I have some bad news, kid." "The tour has been cancelled." "What?" "Your name has been out of the papers too long." "All you read about today, is that Hart kid." "She's hot." "And what am I supposed to do?" "Suck up to her like everybody else?" "It couldn't hurt." "Over my dead body." "Mind if I join you?" "Lights out, 10 minutes." "Smoke?" "Look what some Johnny sent me." "Triple-cream caramels, all the way from San Francisco." "I'm watching my figure." "You know, the trial." "Hey, great mention of you in the Trib' today, huh?" "There have been so many, I just can't keep track." "Hey, did I ever tell you?" "You're exactly same size as my sister." "I mean, you'd fit into her costumes perfectly." "Really?" "Yeah, and I was thinking, you know, with all the publicity that's piled up between us, and when Billy gets us off, we'd be a natural to do an act together." "You think so, huh?" "Ladies and gentlemen," "Miss Velma Kelly in Act... of Desperation." "* My sister and I had an act * * that couldn't flop *" "* My sister and I were headed * * straight for the top *" "* My sister and I earned a * * thou' a week at least *" "* Oh, yeah!" "*" "* But my sister is now, * * unfortunately, deceased *" "* I know it's sad, of course *" "* But a fact * * is still a fact *" "* And now all that remains *" "* Is the remains *" "* Of a perfect * * double * * act!" "*" "Watch this." "Now you have to imagine it with 2 people." "It's swell with 2 people." "* First I'd... *" "* Then she'd... *" "* Then we'd... *" "* But I can't do it alone!" "*" "* Then she'd... *" "* Then I'd... *" "* Then we'd... *" "* But I can't do it alone!" "*" "* She'd say, * * "What's your sister like?" *" "* I'd say, "Men," *" "* She'd say, * * "You're the cat's meow" *" "* Then we'd wow the crowd again *" "* When she'd go... *" "* I'd go... *" "* We'd go... *" "* Then those ding-dong daddies * * started to roar *" "* Whistled, stomped, * * stamped on the floor *" "* Yelling, screaming, * * begging for more. *" "* And we'd say, "O. K. fellas, * * keep your socks up. * * 'cause you ain't seen * * nothin' yet!" *" "* But I simply cannot do it * * alone!" "*" "So what do you think, huh?" "Come on, you can say." "I know you're right." "The first part is shit." "But the second part..." "The second part is really nifty." "* She'd go... *" "* I'd go... *" "* We'd go... *" "* And then those two-bit Johnnies did it a brown *" "* To cheer the best * * attraction in town *" "* They nearly tore the balcony down *" "* And we'd say. "Okay, boys... * * we're goin' home, but before we go * * here's a few more parting' shots!" *" "* And this... * * this we did in perfect unison. *" "* Now, you've seen me goin' through it *" "* It may seem there's nothin' to it *" "* But I simply cannot do it *" "* Alone!" "*" "So where's the part where you blew her brains out?" "Okay, Roxie." "I'll..." "I'll level with you..." "No, don't bother." "You think you're fooling me?" "You're all washed up." "And it's me they want now, and I'm a big star." "Single." "Oh, I almost forgot." "You were in the paper today too." "In the back." "With the obituaries." "Velma Kelly's trial has been postponed indefinitely." "Seven words." "Wow." "Oh!" "And here's a little piece of advice." "Direct from me to you." "Lay off the caramels." "And now, for all you Chicago's stay-up-laters." "You night owls who only come alive after dark," "We dedicate this tune:" "Chicago After Midnight." "This all took place in Lake Shore Drive?" "Incredible." "All right." "Thanks." "They just arrested this woman for triple homicide." "Really?" "Yeah, get this." "She's an heiress." "And all her family is in the... pineapples... grapefruit, some kind of fruit, I don't know." "Anyhow, this dame, Kitty what's her name, something..." "She's playing house." "On the north side in an apartment, with a guy named Harry." "What Harry does for living, no one's quite sure." "But it doesn't really matter because she's footing all the bills." "Anyhow..." "Kitty comes home tonight." "Harry's already in bed," "She goes to change." "When she returns, she notices something... rather odd." "Extremely odd." "Kitty disappears for a second." "Cool as a cucumber." "When she returns, she gently wakes up Harry." "Harry says, "What?" "I'm alone!"" "She says, "Alone?" "You have two other women in bed with you!"" "So, get this, Harry... he says, "Come on, darling,"" ""you gonna believe what you see or what I tell you?"" "Good night, folks." "Miss Baxter, Miss Baxter!" "Mary Sunshine from The Evening Star." "I wonder if you would mind saying a word or two?" "Sure I'll say three." "Go to hell!" "Please direct your questions to her counsel." "You're not my counsel." "I want my money back!" "It's not your money." "It's your mother's money." "Are you sorry, dear?" "Sure I'm sorry." "Sorry I got caught." " Okay, Miss Sunshine." " Not now, Roxie." "I got a letter from a guy." "He says he's going on a hunger strike until I'm free." "That's nice, kid." "Miss Baxter, did you know these two ladies personally?" "Did I know these two ladies personally?" "Was that your question?" "Yeah, that's my ques..." "She's very high-spirited, isn't she?" "Miss Baxter..." "Hey, Mr. Flynn." " Yeah, hi, Tracy." " It's Roxie." "Yeah, sure, I was just kidding." "Did you get my trial date yet?" " Listen, kid." " I'm on top of your list, right?" "Go to hell!" "What a helling, huh?" "And socialite too." "Her mother owns all the pineapples in Hawaii." "What the hell do I care about pineapples?" " All right, all right..." " Listen, hey." "Hey!" "That's all for the questions." "and afterwards I'll be happy to give the interview myself." "Billy..." "How does it feel, kid?" "J. Edgar Hoover couldn't find your name in the papers." "Mr. Flynn?" "Someone open this door immediately." "Oh, my god." "Roxie!" "What is it dear?" "Oh, no, no, no." "Don't worry about me." "Oh, I only hope the fall didn't... hurt the baby." "Baby?" "Cheat!" "Roxie!" "Roxie, when did this happen, darling?" "Well, Doc?" "Is she or isn't she?" "She is." "Would you swear that statement in court?" " Yes." " Good." "Button your fly." "I would just like to say that my own life doesn't matter now, just that of my unborn child." "Poor dear, to have your baby born in jail..." "My readers won't stand for this." "I can assure you that won't happen." "She'll come to trial at the earliest possible moment." "You can quote me on that." "I think it's sweet." "First time we ever have one where a girl's knocked up." "When is the baby due, Roxie?" "Hey, Roxie..." "Roxie!" "I just heard the good news!" "I'm the father." "Hey, Roxie, who's the father?" "The question is completely out of line." "How dare you insult this... this brave, young woman?" "That's enough." "Roxie, honey!" "It's me, daddy!" "It's daddy!" "Roxie, I came as soon as I could." "Rox?" "* If someone stood up * * in a crowd *" "* And raised his voice up * * way out loud *" "* And waved his arm * * and shook his leg *" "* You'd notice him *" "* If someone * * in the movie show *" "* Yelled: "Fire * * in the second row" *" "* "This whole place * * is a powder keg!" *" "* You'd notice him *" "* And even without * * clucking like a hen *" "* Everyone gets noticed, * * now and then, *" "* Unless, of course, * * that personage should be *" "* Invisible, * * inconsequential, * * me!" "*" "* Cellophane *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* Shoulda been my name *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* 'Cause you can look * * right through me *" "* Walk right by me *" "* And never know I'm there... *" "* I tell ya *" "* Cellophane *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* Shoulda been my name *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* 'Cause you can look * * right through me *" "* Walk right by me *" "* And never know * * I'm there. *" "Oh, I didn't see you." "Sit down." "Look, Andy, I'm afraid I gotta hit you hard." "And I can only hope that you'll be big about it." " Amos, my name is Amos." " Who said it wasn't?" "Oh, it was the kid..." "kid's name I was thinking about." "You know when she's due?" "September." "Oh, but..." "You'll pass out those cigars anyway." " I don't want you to give a damn when people..." " People what?" " Laugh." " Laugh?" "Why would they laugh?" "'Cause they can count." "Can you count?" "September." "Here's a copy of Roxie's first statement from the D. A.'s office." "Says she hadn't copulated with you for four months prior to the incident." "Well, she would know." "Yeah, I guess we hadn't done no copulatin' since..." "Wait a minute." "That don't figure out right." "I couldn't be the father." "Well, forget about that now." "My client needs your support." "You mean she needs a meal ticket?" "That's all I've ever been." "But this time she's gone too far." "What are you gonna do?" " Divorce her?" " You're damn right!" "I'll divorce her!" "She probably won't even notice." "Yeah." "Yeah, put him through." "* A human being's made of * * more than air *" "* With all that bulk, you're bound * * to see him there *" "* Unless that human bein' * * next to you *" "* Is unimpressive, * * undistinguished *" "* You * * know * * who... *" " You're still here Ed?" " Yeah, I'm still here." "I think..." "* Shoulda been my name *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* 'Cause you can look * * right through me *" "* Walk right by me *" "* And never know I'm there... *" "* I tell ya *" "* Cellophane *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* Shoulda been my name *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* 'Cause you can look * * right through me *" "* Walk right by me *" "* And never know I'm there *" "* Never even know *" "* I'm there. *" "I hope I didn't take up too much of your time." "I've been waiting here for 10 minutes." "Don't do that again." "This dress makes me look like a Woolworth lamp shade." "I'm not wearing this." " You're wearing it because I tell you to wear it." " I'm not wearing this dress." "And when Andy's on the stand, I want you to do knitting." "Knitting?" "Oh, for Christ's sake." " A baby garment." " I don't know how to knit!" " Then learn." "That's no way to win a jury's sympathy." " Oh, you don't need advice anymore?" " Lookit here, Mr. Mouthpiece." "It seems to me that I'm the one who's coming up with the good ideas." "I'm sick of everybody telling me what to do." "And you treat me like dirt." "You treat me like I'm some dumb, common criminal." "But you are some dumb, common criminal." "Well, it's better than being a greasy, mick lawyer." " Who happens to be saving your ass." " Who's out for all he can steal!" "Maybe you'd like to appeal in court without me." "Maybe I could." "Have you read the morning papers?" " They love me!" " My zop!" "They'd love you a lot more if you were hanged." "You know why?" "'Cause they'd sell more papers." " You're fired." " I quit." "Any lawyer in this town would die to have my case." "You're a phony celebrity." "You're flash in the pan and in a couple of weeks, no one's gonna give a shit about you." "That's Chicago." "No!" "No!" "No!" "Not guilty!" "What happened?" "It's the Hunyak." "She lost her last appeal." "So what does that mean?" "What that means, is that..." "Next week, she's gonna..." "This is Mary Sunshine, coming to you from the Cook County Jail, where history will be made today." "Katelin Helinsky will become the first woman in the state of Illinois to be executed." "And so ladies and gentlemen..." "And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your pleasure and your entertainment, we proudly present Katelin Helinsky and her famous Hungarian Disappearing Act." "Bravo!" "You know, it's really not that bad." "You're clear about everything we agreed on?" "Yep." "I've been up all night rehearsing." "What do you do when Harrison starts coming after you?" "I sit still and look straight ahead." "Never at the jury." " And?" " And I look modest." " And?" " And..." " And say nothing." " That's right!" " That was the deal, right?" " Right." "You ask me back, I do all the talking this time." "Absolutely, Billy." "Whatever you say." " Mr. Flynn, his honor is here." " Thank you." "You ready?" "Yeah." "Billy..." "I'm scared." "Don't be." "I've been around a long time." "Believe me, you've got nothing to worry about." "It's all a circus." "A three-ring circus." "These trials, the whole world..." "It's all a show business." "But Kid,..." "You're working with a star." "* Give 'em the old razzle-dazzle *" "* Razzle-dazzle 'em *" "* Give 'em an act with * * lots of flash in it *" "* And the reaction * * will be passionate *" "* Give 'em the old hocus pocus *" "* Bead and feather 'em *" "* How can they see with sequins * * in their eyes?" "*" "* What if your hinges all are rusting?" "*" "* What if, in fact, * * you're just disgusting ?" "*" "* Razzle-dazzle them *" "* And they'll never catch wise!" "*" "* Give 'em the old razzle-dazzle *" "* Razzle-dazzle them *" "* Give 'em a show * * that's so splendiferous *" "* Row after row * * will grow vociferous *" "* Give 'em the old * * flimflam flummox *" "* Fool and fracture 'em *" "* How can they hear the truth * * above the roar?" "*" "* Roar, roar, roar. *" "* Throw 'em a fake and a finagle *" "* They'll never know * * you're just a bagel, *" "* Razzle-dazzle them *" "* And they'll beg you for more!" "*" " I Object!" " Sustained." "Your honor, I haven't even asked the question yet." "* Give 'em the old dough br-ownie *" "* Daze and dizzy 'em *" "* Back since the days * * of old Methuselah *" "* Everyone loves * * the big bambooz-a-ler *" "* Give 'em the old three ring circus *" "* Stun and stagger 'em *" "* When you're in trouble, * * go into your dance *" "* Though you are stiffer * * than a girder *" "* They'll let you get away * * with murder *" "* Razzle-dazzle them *" "* And you're god of romance *" " Hello, Amos." " Amos?" "That's right, Mr. Flynn." "Amos." "Amos, when did you file suit for divorce?" "A month ago." "Was there any reason for filing at this particular time?" "Well I'll say..." "The newspapers said Roxie was expecting a little stranger." "That's hardly ground for divorce, is it?" "A little too much of a stranger." "By that you mean you doubted the paternity of the child." "Well, sure." "Tell me something, Amos." "Do you share a bed with your wife?" "Yes, sir, every night." "You expect this jury to believe that you slept next to this woman every night without exercising your rights as a husband?" " I could have if I wanted to." " Oh, but you didn't." " No, I did." " Did what?" " Want to." " But you didn't." " Didn't what?" " What you wanted." "Wait a minute, I'm getting confused here." "Hey, tell me Hart." "You tell me." "Did you ever question Roxie herself?" "Did you even bother to ask her if you were the father of her child?" " No, sir." " No." "What?" "If you became convinced that you were wrong, you'd be man enough to admit it." "Wouldn't you?" "You'd even be willing to take her back if Roxie swore that you are the father of her child," " which she does." " She does?" "She does!" "No more questions!" "You can step down now." "Well done, Andy." "Roxie, I'm so sorry." "* Give 'em the old *" "* Razzle-dazzle *" "* Razzle-dazzle them *" "* Show 'em the first rate * * sorcerer you are *" "* Long as ya keep 'em * * way off balance *" "* How can they spot * * ya got no talents?" "*" "* Razzle-dazzle 'em *" "This is the moment we've been waiting for." "Roxie Hart finally takes the stand in her own defense." "* And they'll make you a star!" "*" "Order!" "Order!" "Proceed, Mr. Flynn." "Roxie, I have here a statement in which you admit to having... illicit relations with the deceased, Fred Casely." " Is this statement true or false?" " I'm afraid that's true." "You're an honest girl, Roxie." "When did you first meet Fred Casely?" "When he sold Amos and me our furniture." "And your personal relationship with him?" "Can you tell the jury when that began?" "When I permitted him to escort me home one night," "I don't think I would've gone with him if Mr. Hart and me hadn't quarreled that very morning." " Quarreled?" " Yes, sir." "Well, I suppose it was his fault." "Oh, no, sir." "It was my fault." "I suppose I just couldn't stop pestering him." "Pestering him?" "About what?" "I didn't like him working those long hours at the garage." "I wanted him home with me... to darn his socks and iron his shirts." "I wanted a real home, and a child." "So you drifted into this illicit relationship because you were unhappy at home." "Yes, I was most unhappy." "Roxie Hart!" "The state has accused you of the murder of Fred Casely." "Are you guilty or not guilty?" "I'm not guilty..." "I'm not guilty!" "I killed him..." "I did." "But I'm not a criminal." "I'm not a criminal..." "Roxie..." "Do you recall the night of January 14th?" "Could you tell the jury, in your own words, the happenings of that night." "When Fred came over, I told him the good news." "And what was that?" "That me and Amos were gonna have a baby." "And that it was all over between us." "What happened then?" "Then..." "Did he threaten you, Roxie?" "Objection, your honor." "Counsel is leading the witness." "Sustained." "What does Casely say when you told him the news?" "I'll kill you before I see you have another man's child!" "Could you tell the audience..." "the jury, what happened next?" "In his passion, he... tore off my robe and he threw me on the bed." "And Mr. Hart's pistol was lying there between us." "And then!" "And then we both reached for the gun but I got it first." "And then he came towards me with this funny look in his eyes." "He was angry and wild!" " Wild!" " Wild!" "And did you think he meant to kill ya?" "Oh, yes, sir!" "Yes sir!" "So it was his life or yours!" "Not just mine." "I closed my eyes and I shot!" "In defense of your life!" "To save my husband's innocent unborn child." "Order!" "What a bull's eye, huh?" " Order in this court!" " Roxie!" "It's pandemonium here in the courtroom..." "Mrs. Hart's behavior throughout this ordeal has been truly extraordinary." "Yeah, I bet it has..." "Opening her eyes, she fans herself with her attorney's handkerchief." " Handkerchief?" " Poor child has had no relief." "She looks around now, bewildered, seeming to want something." "Oh, it's a glass of water." "Oh, Mama, that was my bid!" "I told Billy," "I was gonna do that on my trial!" "But now her eyes flutter wildly and she..." "Mrs. Hart has fainted again." "She flumps over, her chiffon dress up around her knees, revealing a glimpse of a blue garter with rhinestone buckle." "Oh, Mama, she stole my garter." "She stole my garter!" "Don't break my radio!" "First the slob steals my publicity, then she steals my lawyer, my trial date," " now she stole my goddamn garter." " What do you expect?" "I mean these days you get a little success and it's good riddance to the people who put you here." "There ain't no justice in the world." "And there ain't nothing you can do about it." "You think I got you up here just so you can listen to my radio?" "People write some pretty interesting things when they think no one's looking." "Oh, Mama." "State calls a rebuttal witness." "Left hand on bible, raise your right hand." "You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing by the truth, so help you God?" " And then some." " Have a seat." "Would you state your name for the record please." "Velma Kelly." "Miss Kelly, will you please tell the court if the object I'm holding is the one you happened to came upon in the defendant's jail cell?" "Yes, it is." "I submit this as Exhibit X." "Roxie Hart's diary." "I object!" "My client has never kept a diary." "And even if she did, this would be invasion of privacy and violation of fourth amendment and illegal search without a warrant." "Yeah, and she broke the lock!" "Order!" "Well, that settles that." "I'll allow it." "What's the big deal?" "It's just a bunch of doodlings." "If you would read for us, please, Miss Kelly." "I haven't worked in a while." " What a laugh, plugging' Fred Casely." " What?" "The big baboon had it comin'." "I'm just sorry I only got to kill him once." "I never wrote that." "You..." "Hey, she made that up." " She made that up." " Order!" "Please, Mr. Flynn, get control of your client." "I'm sorry, you honor." "It won't happen again." "Sit down and shut up." "You're making it worse." "I have no more questions." "Your witness, Mr. Flynn." "Ladies and gentlemen, a tap dance." "Tell me, Miss Kelly, did you make a deal with Mr. Harrison?" "Maybe to drop all charges against you in exchange for testifying here today?" "Oh, sure." "I'm not a complete idiot." "Good." "Since you gave such an impressive performance for Mr. Harrison," "Maybe you'll do me the same honor?" " I'd be delighted." " Thank you." "Here?" "Fred Casely assured me he'd get me an audition down at the Onyx." "And then he reneged on his pledge and that was my motive for attacking' him." "Pretty fancy way of saying:" "The bit fat liar who welshed on a deal, so I shot him." "Amos accused me of having an affair." "So I told him that the charge was..." " ...erroneous." " Objection, your honor." "Mr. Flynn is twisting this evidence to draw conclusions that are specious and..." " Erroneous?" " Exactly." "Order!" "Miss Kelly, do you know the meaning of the word perjury?" "Yes, I do." " You also know that it's a crime?" " Yes." "For example if it turns out that you knew that this diary was a fake," "I'd hate to think of you rotting away in prison for the next 10 years especially since you just won your freedom." "Look, all I know is what I was told." "Oh, so..." "So you didn't find this diary in Roxie's cell?" "No." "Mama..." "Miss Morton gave it to me." "She said someone had sent it to her." "Someone?" "Any idea who this mysterious benefactor might be?" "No." "She didn't know." "All right, let's see if we can work this out." "Someone who writes about "reneging on pledges"" "And... "erroneous charges"..." "Call me crazy, doesn't that sound like a lawyer to you?" "A lawyer!" "A lawyer who honestly had a sample of my client's handwriting." "Mr. Harrison, didn't you ask Roxie to write out a confession for you?" "Yes, but you're not suggesting that I tamper with evidence, are you?" "No, let's not be ridiculous." "That's thoroughly and utterly absurd." "But now that you mention it..." "Your honor, this is outrageous." "It outrageous!" "I know, outrageous." "Even to suggest it." "The prosecutor would make a thief's bargain with notorious Velma Kelly." "And then fabricate the very evidence that set her free!" "Just so you can win another case and move one step closer to the governor's mansion" " Why it'd simply be an unimaginable..." " I'll hold you in contempt." "No, it's not even conceivable." "But... but if it were, wouldn't it be time to say," "Come clean, Mr. Harrison, come clean..." "Even in Chicago, this kind of corruption cannot stand." "Will not stand!" "That's enough, Mr. Flynn!" "I agree, your honor." "This is enough!" "The defense rests." "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mary Sunshine reporting live from the Cook County Courthouse." "The city of Chicago has come to a complete standstill." "As the trial of the century finally draws to a close." "Mrs. Hart sits quietly at the defense table, hands folded, wondering what fate has in store for her?" "And now a hush falls over the courtroom as the 12 men of the jury file slowly back to their seats." "Gentlemen of jury, have you reached a verdict?" "We have, your honor." "The jury has reached a verdict." "Will the defendant please rise?" "What is your verdict?" "We, the jury, find the defendant..." "Roxie Hart is innocent!" "She's innocent!" "Get your paper!" "Roxie Hart is free!" "She's free!" "Roxie..." "Come on!" "Move it!" "First she shoots the husband then she plugs the lawyer!" "Hey, don't you wanna take my picture?" "Hey, I'm the famous Roxie Hart." "Hey, what happened?" "What the hell happened?" "This is Chicago, kid." "You can't beat fresh blood on the walls." "But my publicity, Billy?" "My name in the papers." "I was counting on that." "Your gratitude is overwhelming, kid." "I just saved your life." "Yeah, and you got $5,000." "And what do I get?" "I get nothing?" "Five?" "Actually it's ten once I collect from Velma." "I get nothing?" "Don't forget your blessed diary." "Hope you don't mind." "I added a few erroneous phrases in there." "Sorry, I couldn't tell you." "Couldn't take the chance." "Never lost a case." "You're a free woman, Roxie Hart." "And God save Illinois." "Roxie." "What do you want?" "I want you to come home." "You said you still wanted to..." "and the baby..." "Baby, what baby?" "Oh, Jesus." "What do you take me for?" "There ain't no baby." "There ain't no baby?" "They didn't even want my picture." "I just can't understand that." "What didn't they even want my picture?" "* It's good, *" "* Isn't it, grand?" "*" "* Isn't it, great?" "*" "* Isn't it, swell?" "*" "* Isn't it, fun?" "*" "* Isn't it?" "*" "* Nowadays *" "Ladies and gentlemen," "Miss Roxie Hart says..." "Good Night." "* There's men, * * everywhere jazz * * everywhere booze * * everywhere life * * everywhere joy * * everywhere *" "* Nowadays *" "* You can like * * the life you're living *" "* You can live * * the life you like *" "* You can even marry Harry *" "* But mess around with Ike *" "* And that's good *" "* Isn't it grand?" "*" "* Isn't it great?" "*" "* Isn't it swell?" "*" "* Isn't it fun?" "*" "* Isn't it?" "*" "* But nothing * * stays *" "* You can like * * the life you're living *" "* You can live * * the life you like *" "Didn't she kill a guy a while back?" "Yeah, who can keep them straight anymore?" "* But mess around with Ike *" "* And that's *" "* Good, *" "* Isn't it, grand?" "*" "* Isn't it, great?" "*" "* Isn't it, swell?" "*" "That's great." "We'll be in touch." "You know I'm not quite finished yet." "I have a..." "Wait... one more." "I could... just a second I'm not..." "Goddamn it!" "Thank you!" "Here's your music, honey." "Thanks." "You know you're really pretty good." "Yeah." "That and a dime." "What are you doing here?" "I heard you've been..." "making the rounds." "Yeah, well, if it was up to you, I'd be swingin' by now." "Come on, I always knew Billy'd get you off." "You should learn how to put things behind you." "Oh, thank you." "I'll put that at the top of my list right after finding a job and an apartment with a john." " Just shut up and listen to me?" " You really are something." "Coming in here like..." "some goddamn queen bee," "All full of advice for a poor slob like me." "Let me tell you something, Miss Velma Kelly." "I got a new life now." "And one of the best things about it, is it don't include you." "Fine." "I just thought we could help each other out." "Wait, you thought wrong, didn't you?" "Look..." "Listen to me." "I talked to this guy downtown." "He said one jazz girl is nothing these days, but two..." "We can make a couple o' hundred a week." "Think about it, Roxie." "Our faces back in the papers our names on the marquee." ""Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart"" "Shouldn't it be alphabetical?" "That could work." "A couple o' hundred?" " Maybe we could ask for a thou'." " We're worth it." "Forget it, it'll never work." " Why not?" " 'Cause I hate you." "There's only one business in the world where that's no problem at all." "Ladies and gentlemen, the Chicago theatre is proud to announce a first." "The first time anywhere there's been an act of this nature." "Not only one little lady, but two." "You read about them in the papers, and now here they are." "Chicago's own killer dillers, those scintillating sinners," "Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly!" "* You can like * * the life you're living *" "* You can live * * the life you like *" "* You can even marry Harry *" "* But mess around with Ike *" "* And that's good *" "* Isn't it grand?" "*" "* Isn't it great?" "*" "* Isn't it swell?" "*" "* Isn't it fun?" "*" "* Isn't it?" "*" "* But nothing stays *" "* In fifty years or so *" "* It's gonna change, you know *" "* But, oh, it's heaven *" "* Nowadays *" "Okay, you babes of Jazz, let's pick up the pace." "Let's make the parties longer, let's make the skirts shorter." "Let's all go to hell in a fast car and keep it hot!" "Me and Roxie, we'd just like to say thank you." "Thank you!" "Believe us, we could not have done it without you!" "* And all *" "* That *" "* Jazz!" "*" "* That Jazz!" "*"