"Do I see a split?" "Just keep your eye on the ball, Barney-boy." "Oh boy, good old Sunday." "Nothing to do but lazy around and read the Sunday paper." " Honey?" " Yes, Fred?" " Did you see the Sunday paper?" " No, Fred, it hasn't come yet." "Mr. Flintstone, here's your paper." "Catch!" "Did you get your paper, dear?" "Yeah, and I'm lucky it only comes once a week." "Now let's see what the rock market is doing." "I see the Dodgers lost again." "Fore!" " Barney!" " Hiya, Fred, neighbor-pal." "What are you supposed to be doing besides annoying me on my day off?" "Practicing golf." "Watch this." "Fore!" "One more "fore" out of you and I'll give you what for." "Twenty-five hundred people in Bedrock... and I have to pick this pebble-brain for a neighbor." "Hey, how about this!" ""Fred Flintstone to captain bowling finals."" "Fore!" "Hold it, Fred." "I gotta play them where they lie." "Pooch your mouth up a little." "Why, you..." "I'll pooch your pointed head up if I catch you." "You know what's wrong with you, friend Freddie?" "You're a nervous wreck." " And you need a hobby, like mine." " I got a hobby." "It's peace and quiet on Sunday." "And if I don't get it, I'm gonna break you in little pieces." "I said, "Barney."" "What are you doing now?" "It's my hobby I tried to tell you about." "I build things, and it keeps my nimble little fingers busy." " What do you think of it?" " Before I think of it, what is it?" "That little invention will make me the first man to take off into the blue." "Well, I got a little invention of my own... which is called "a rap on the noggin," if you don't cut out the noise." "Into the blue?" "That thing?" " Will it work?" " It'll work, Freddie-friend... on account of the stickie bolts connected to the toggle switch... the toggle switch connected to the ratchet... the ratchet rod connected to the tension trod... which in turn is connected to the flywheel." "Then, zoom!" "Before you know it, you're airborne." "Now what do you think of my invention, Fred?" "You still insist you're gonna fly in that crazy contraption?" " Just like the birds." " Listen, neighbor." "I'm gonna save you a lot of work and inventing." "I'm gonna fix it so you won't need that thing to fly in." "It works like this." "My fist bone connected with your jawbone, and zoom!" "Before you know it, you are airborne." "Now let me get some rest, you poor excuse for a neighbor." "Poor Fred." "He's a bundle of nerves." "The tension trod connected to the flywheel." "Fly just like the birds." "Looked like a dinosaur-eggbeater to me." "Nice flying weather, neighbor." "Look, Freddie, the hard way." "No hands." "And no brains, either." "It works!" "He's really flying." "Hey, Barney!" "Barney, buddy-pal!" "What do you say now, Freddie-boy?" "What do I say?" "We did it!" "We're a success!" " We?" " Right, Barney-boy." "With my brains and your nimble fingers, we'll make a fortune." "Think of it." "No more traffic problems." "Fly right out the window each morning." "There'll be two in every cave, a "his" and a "hers."" " We'll form a corporation." " Yeah, but I..." "I will be the president... and I'll make you vice-president in charge of production." "Vice-president?" "I even got a name for it." "Listen to this, Barney-boy:" "The Flintstone Flyer." "I was gonna call it the Barney-copter." "Not a bad suggestion, but it ain't got the hard sell." "We'll stick to the Flintstone Flyer." "Speaking of flying... how about the prexy taking this jalopy for a trial spin?" " But do you think you're ready for a solo?" " Out of my way." " Anything you can do, I can do better." " Look, it ain't easy..." "Explain it to me once." "I will show you I'm ready to solo." "What's to explain?" "Just start pumping, and when you're up to speed you take off." "That's all there is to it?" "There's one other thing." "Details." "Don't bother me with details." "See me when I get back." "I just wanted to tell him how to land." "If he takes off, that is." "Hey, you're too fat, Fred!" "Details, see me when I get back." "Back to the drawing board." "Hiya, Fred." "How's the grounded eagle today?" "Why didn't you tell me you didn't get all the bugs out of that thing... before you let me take it up?" "There's no bugs in it." "You're just too fat." "Yeah, well, I'm no fathead." "I resign." "Get yourself another boy for president." "Have it your way, Freddie." "From now on, the new president's gonna be me." "Yours truly, "Buzz" Barney." "Roger, wilco and O-U-T, out." "By the way, the boys are gonna miss you tonight." "What do you mean miss me tonight?" "How are you gonna bowl in that crash condition?" "Are you kidding?" "I'll bowl tonight even if I have to push the ball down the alley with my nose." "Put it there, Fred." "Spoken like the true captain... of the Rockhead and Quarry Cave Construction Team." "Fred, I'm home." " Hi, Wilma." " How are you feeling?" "Great." "I never felt better in my life." "I'm so glad." "I thought sure you wouldn't be able to make it tonight." "You think a little scratch would keep me from going?" "And to think I almost returned the tickets." " Tickets?" "What do I need tickets for?" " Don't be silly." "How do you expect to go to the opera without tickets?" "Opera?" "Did you say "opera"?" "Of course." "You knew we were going with the Rubbles tonight." "Tonight?" "When else?" "We've had the tickets for a month." "Does Barney know about this?" "Naturally." "He bought the tickets." "Now what did I do?" "Nothing." "I just wanted to tell you I'm not going bowling tonight." " Wow, can I be captain of the team?" " You're not going either." "We're not going bowling... because you had to buy tickets for the opera, for tonight." "I forgot." "Yeah, you forgot." "And we can forget about the bowling championship... thanks to you, opera-Iover." "We'll be drummed out of the Rockhead and Quarry bowling team for this." "I'd be better off if I broke my leg." "Then at least I'd have had an excuse." "Hey, maybe you got a fractured skull and don't know it?" "I don't have one, but you will when the boys hear about this." "Wait a minute." "Maybe I do have something wrong with my noggin." "You do?" "And maybe it'll show up tonight just when we're leaving." "I don't get it." "You'll get it if you don't pay attention." "We're going bowling yet." "Now listen." "A- bowling we will go A- bowling we will go" "Heigh ho" "Answer the door, dear." "It must be the Rubbles." "Okay, honey." " Hi, neighbors." " Hi, Fred." "La donna é mobile" "Faniculi, fanicula Faniculi, fanicula" " Love that opera." " I can hardly wait for the first cadenza." "Aren't you boys overdoing it a little?" "Let's hurry or we'll be late." "Have you got the tickets, Fred?" " Got the tickets." " Yes, indeed." "Fanicula, faniculi, faniculi" " Love your dress." " Thanks." "Fred, what's wrong?" "Fred, speak to me." "He can't talk, Wilma." "He's in a state of shock." " From the crash?" " What else?" "With thick skulls, it sets in a lot later." "Quick, let's get him to bed." "Are you kidding?" "Miss the opera on account of... my little dizzy spell?" "No, you three run along." "I'll be fine." "What?" "And leave you alone?" "Are you kidding?" "Me leave without my buddy?" "Look, you two go ahead." "You're all dressed up for it, anyway." "I'll baby-sit Fred's shook-up head." "Sure, that's a good idea, pal." "Why waste the tickets?" "Now go ahead." "That's an order." " You're sure you'll be all right?" " What can happen with Barney here?" "Yeah, they don't call me "Band-Aid" Barney for nothing." "What do you think, Betty?" "Well, it's only for a few hours, and Barney will sit with him." "I feel terrible doing this." " Hey, Fred, it worked." " My idea, wasn't it?" "With head bloodied but unbowed, you bowl tonight... my captain, my captain." "Hurry up and get your bowling ball." "I feel hot tonight." "What?" "How are we gonna get into town?" "The girls got the car." "Hey, how about hitchhiking?" "Sure, and maybe the wives will give us a lift back home." "Don't you get it?" "We gotta go to town, bowl, and beat them back here." "I got it." "Simple." "We go the over-land route." "Not your crazy eggbeater again?" "Sure." "I fixed it." "I added king-sized flippers so it could carry a heavy load... even a fat one." "If this gadget doesn't work..." "I'm gonna unload a heavy load of five fat knuckles on your nose." "Mr. Copilot, ready for the takeoff?" "Better start praying if it don't." " We're off!" " Not from where I sit." "Maybe we ought to drop the bowling balls." " Yeah, on your head." " Flap your arms up and down." "You mean like this?" "Yes, it's working, Fred." "That's all we needed, a little extra power." "How about that, Fred?" " The Barney-copter does it again." " I got news for you, Veep." "I just re-elected myself president... of the Flintstone Flyer Corporation." "You know, I feel like a heel." "Fred in bed, and me off enjoying myself." "And Barney offering to stay with him... right after he said how much he wanted to go to the opera." "I'd feel better if I knew Fred was all right." "Me, too." "Let's call home at intermission." "Step aside, Pagliacci, whilst the captain warms up." "Do I see a split?" "Just keep your eye on the ball, Barney-boy." "You're the greatest, Fred!" "The old master strikes again." "Hey, old master, how about something to cool you off?" "The way I'm going, nothing can cool me off tonight." "Okay, let me have one with a couple of straws." "One frosty one coming up." "With two straws, please." " Thanks." " That's all right." "Ball on target." "Bombs away." " Did I do good, Fred?" " Great, just great." "Now would you like to try bowling like the rest of us?" "Oh, boy." "Big strike coming up." "So is a big wind." "Close your mouth." " Bravo!" " Encore!" "Isn't it beautiful, Wilma?" "All I can think of is poor Fred home suffering." "If it'll make you feel any better, let's go out and call them right now." "You know, I would feel better." "Maybe there's a phone in that bowling alley across the street." "Oh, dear." "I hope Fred's all right." "Would you stop worrying?" "He is all right." "Poor Fred." "I hope he's not running a fever." "Am I hot tonight!" "It's so noisy, I can't hear a thing." "There's no answer." "I'm worried." "Keep your eye on the king of the tenpins." "Just hold on to the ball this time, or I'll crown you king pinhead." "Oh, no!" "Why, you crazy..." "Fred, look." "Over there, in the phone booth." "The wives." "The wives?" " We better go home." "Something's wrong." " Yeah, I guess you're right." "We'll just..." "Wilma, look." "Isn't that Fred and Barney?" "If they see us, we're dead." "If they catch us, we'll wish we were." "They're heading this way." "Think of something, quick." "You're the captain." " Hey, we can use that broom." " Broom?" "What a time to get neat!" "So, he had to baby-sit a sick friend?" "It's gonna be two sick friends." "Surprise, husbands!" "Now it's my turn." " Good heavens!" " It's not them." "Have we met?" " They don't allow pick-ups in here." " Ja, this is a respectable place." " We thought you were our husbands." " Yeah, both of them." "Is that the way you always greet your husbands?" "Ja. "Hello, darling," pow?" "The average husband can stand just so many pows." "Ja, then he takes a powder." "Get it?" " That was very funny, no?" " No." " Sorry." "Excuse us." " You looked like our husbands." "If you're looking for your husbands... why don't you try looking at home, where you belong?" "Ja." "And I bet one of them is baby-sitting a sick friend." "Don't you know when to quit?" "Let's go home." "That's for sure." "Something real phony is going on." " That was a close one." " Yeah." "Well, back to bowling." "Are you out of your mind?" "Grab the bowling balls." "We gotta beat them home." "I was never so embarrassed in my life." "How could two sets of characters look so much alike?" "All I can say is one set of characters better be home when we get there." "Step on it." " This thing is the greatest." " My invention, isn't it?" "You know something, Rubble?" "There'll be a Flintstone Flyer in every cave." "I'll be rich." "How about me?" "Keep pumping." "We'll beat them home by an hour." "Faniculi, faniculi, fanicula" " Hey, Fred, look." " Look where?" " Double trouble at 6 o'clock." " What do you know!" "The wives." "Hey, they must be doing over 80." "They're gonna beat us home." "No, they're not." "Now hear this." "Pilot to co-pilot." "I read you, loud and clear." "Retract landing gear." "Introvert your decibels." "Increase speed to 4,500 rpms." " Over and out." " What's all that mean, Fred?" "It means step on it, you imbecile, that's what." "Let's go." "Faniculi, fanicula." "What will we say when they ask why we're home so early?" " Just say we missed them." " Why not tell them the truth?" "And say we don't trust them around the corner?" " Suppose they're not here?" " They'll be back." " What'll we do in the meantime?" " In the meantime, we get meaner." "Quiet." "Maybe Fred's asleep." "Read me another bedtime story, Barney-pal." "Sure." "Which one:" "Uncle Wigley or I was a Teenage Brontosaurus?" "So help me, I'll never mistrust Fred again." "You're right, Wilma." "They're two of the good ones." "Let's face it." "We're a couple of shrews." "Ja, that's for sure." "Let that be a lesson." "Never doubt your husbands or they may take a powder." "Get it?" "It was them." "You dope!" " State of shock?" " Wilma, no, not in the head!" " Try that on your fortissimo." " Stand still, you insect." "Betty, not with the bowling ball." " Head for the whirligig!" " Start flapping for a quick takeoff." " Come back, you coward!" " Wilma, they're getting away." "Don't worry." "Whatever goes up sooner or later comes down." "Especially the fat ones." " Your play." " Gin." "How long would you say they've been up there?" "About six hours, give or take a few." "But, Fred, my legs are getting tired." "Are your legs tired, or are you tired of living?" "Keep pumping." "I'm too pooped to pump." "It won't be long now." " Barney's running out of gas." " I know." "It'll be nice to have them back." "Come on, Wilma, open this door!" "English" "When the saints come marchin'in" "Oh, when the saints come marchin'in" "Yeah, I want to be in that number" "When the saints come marchin'in" "Gentlemen, I now declare this meeting... of the Loyal Order of Dinosaurs adjourned." "Motion seconded." " All in favor, say "aye."" " Aye!" " Good meeting tonight, Barney?" " Yeah, Fred." "We're all set for our annual benefit show next week." "Yeah." "There's one thing that bothers me, Barney." "What's that, Fred?" " We're all supposed to do a solo act, right?" " Right." " And every year I get up and sing, right?" "If you wanna call it that." "This year I'd like to do something different." "Your singing is different, Fred." "Funny." "Very funny." "And what are you gonna do, funnyman?" " Crack jokes?" " No, but I'll think of something." "I don't get it." "A no-talent guy like you isn't worried, and I am." "I got something up my sleeve." "The only thing you got up your sleeve is your arm." "You're sore because I have an idea and you haven't." "Oh, yeah?" "I'll figure out an act that's better than yours." "Could be, Fred, could be." "Good night." ""Could be, Fred, could be."" "I don't know why I stay friends with that guy." "Come on, Fred." "You've been brooding about that show for two days now." "Why don't you just sing a song and let it go at that?" "Yeah, maybe you're right." "Fellas will probably be disappointed if I don't." "After all, Wilma, you know I used to sing with a band..." " before I married you." " Before I married you." "Yes, I know, Fred." "You've told me a thousand times... that you sang with the Rockville Center high school band 20 years ago." "I can still hit the old high notes." "Listen." "Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do" "Fred, stop it!" "Take that sea-lion voice of yours out of the house." "Out!" "Women." "No musical appreciation at all." " Hi, Fred." "What's new?" " Nothing new." "Same old trouble." "Wilma won't let me sing in the house." "You got a pretty loud voice, Fred." "Can't say I blame her." "Barney, what are you doing?" "I'm practicing my trampoline act... for the show." "How do you like it, Fred?" "Say, that's all right." " How about letting me try it?" " Hold it, Fred." "Don't jump off the fence." "No, no, wait!" "Fred, you okay?" "I'm getting back on that thing and master it." "Attaboy, Fred." "Now you got the hang of it." "These trampolines are all right." "Do me a favor, Barney." " Let me borrow it for a while." " Borrow it?" "What for?" "I'm supposed to meet Wilma at her dressmaker's shop." "It's up on the second floor, and just for a laugh..." "I'd like to bounce in on her." "I'll bring it right back." "Okay, Fred." "But bring it right back." "Oh, boy." "Won't Wilma be surprised when she sees me in the window." "This is my latest creation, Wilma." "How do you like it?" " It's just gorgeous." " It is genuine spotted leopard." " Shall I have Zsa-Zsa model it for you?" " Yes." "Do you mind, Zsa-Zsa?" "Not at all, madam." "It will only take me a minute to change and I will be right out." "There's a man at the window." "Call the police!" "A man?" "Impossible." " But we are on the second floor." " Just a minute." "I'll take a look." "Boy, how embarrassing." "I can't stop bouncing." "Just as I thought." "There's no man at the window." "It's just your imagination." "Hiya, Wilma." "Of all the dumb tricks you've ever pulled... that trampoline business takes the cake." "I've never been so humiliated." "And when I had to explain that you were just trying to be funny..." "I could have frozen to death from the cold stares I got." "Fred, are you listening to me?" "Oh, that man." "Fred Flintstone, I'm talking to you." "What in the world are you doing?" "And where did you get all that junk?" "Junk?" ""Junk," she says." "This junk, as you call it... happens to belong to the world's greatest magician:" "Rockstone the Great." " Does that ring a bell?" " No." "But if you don't get that junk out of the house, I'll wring your neck." "For your information, Mr. Rockstone loaned me this equipment... and I am going to do a magic act for the annual show." "But you don't know anything about magic." "Oh, no?" "Watch." " You see this egg, Wilma?" " Of course I see it." "Okay, now you see it." "And now you don't." "Where is it, Wilma?" "Right here, Fred." "Very droll." "Watch this, Wilma, the hand is quicker than the eye." "Fred, don't you dare pull that tablecloth." "That does it." "The hand is quicker than the eye?" " Now get that junk out of here." " Okay, Wilma." "Come in." " Hello, Fred." "Anything wrong?" " We heard a crash." " What happened, Wilma?" " Nothing serious, Betty." "Come on in." " What's Fred doing with the funny hat?" " Trying to be funny." "What's this thing, Fred?" "That, Barney, is part of my magic act... which, by special request..." "I am not going to do." " What's it supposed to be?" " That is a disappearing cabinet." "Anyone goes in there, I make them disappear." " Like your disappearing egg?" " Okay, laugh." "I'll show you it'll work." "Get in the cabinet, Barney." "Who me?" "I'm afraid of the dark." " Show me, Fred." "I'll get in the cabinet." " Me, too, just for laughs." "Okay, girls." "I'm gonna shut the door now." "You all set?" "Go ahead, Fred." "We're ready." "Now, let's see." "What were those magic words again?" "Look, Wilma." "There's another door in the back of the cabinet." "Let's go along with the gag, Betty." "We'll sneak out and hide in the bedroom." "And Fred will think he made us disappear." "Quiet." "I got it, Barney." "Alakazam!" "Alakazoo!" "You won't come back until I tell you to." "Now, we open the door." "Barney, look." " They're gone." " It worked." " They disappeared." " Gee, Fred, that's amazing." " Now bring them back." " Bring them back?" " Now, Barney, let's not be too hasty." " What do you mean, Fred?" " They disappeared, right?" " Right." "They can't come out till I say the magic word, right?" "Right." "That could give us an evening out, and they'd never know about it." "Right?" "What will we do, Fred?" "Go bowling, see a movie, the fights?" "No, none of those things, Barney-boy." "I got a great idea." "Something different." "Yeah?" "I'm listening." "We're gonna go to the Rockland Dance Hall." "The Rockland Dance Hall?" "That is different." "Stand aside, Betty." "I'll rock him good." "No, Wilma." "Let them go." "I got a better idea." "There ought to be one of these little boxes in every home." "It could replace the dog as man's best friend." "Yeah, you said it, Fred." "Let's go, Barney-boy." "They're gone." "And what's a better idea than hospitalizing them?" "We'll go down to the Rockland Dance Hall and catch them red-handed." "Okay, then we'll hospitalize them." "Look, we'll dress up in the costumes we made for the annual lodge ball... so they won't recognize us." " Say, this is gonna be fun." " Right." "Meet you in 10 minutes." "I don't know why I'm going to the dance hall, Fred." "I can't dance." "Who said anything about dancing, Barney?" "I wanna hear the band." "Hot Lips Hannigan is playing there." "Hot Lips Hannigan!" "Oh, boy, I like him." "The sweetest music this side of Birdland." "You know something?" "I used to sing with the old H.L. When he had the high school band." " No kidding?" "What happened?" " Wilma happened." "She objected to me being out all night." "Yeah, I guess some wives are like that." " How do I look as a blonde, Wilma?" " Real beat, man." " Like far-out. - Let's get started." " They must be almost there." " Lead me to the scene, chick." "Listen to the joint jump, Fred." "Boy, old Hot Lips is sure in the groove tonight." "Attaboy, Hot Lips." "Encore!" "Thanks, cats." "There'll be more, like, later." "Hot Lips, remember me?" "Did some disciple, like... address the leader?" "Over here, H.L. It's me, Fred Flintstone." "Freddie, for goodness' sake!" "How are you, boy?" "Long time, no see." "Put on a little weight since you got out of high school, I see." "Yeah." "This is my friend, Barney Rubble." "He's one of us." "I hardly knew you in that get-up, H.L. You look so weird." "Isn't it awful what you have to do to stay in the band business today?" "Everything's a gimmick." "But I can't quit." "Two kids in college, a new split-level house... and these modern songs." "They don't make sense." "The old songs had heart." "They meant something." " Yeah." " Like, Three ltty-bitties..." "Want Some Seafood, Mama, and Bie Mir Bis Du Schoen..." " with bubbles all over the place." " Yeah." "And Red Hot Mamma, You Gotta Turn Your Damper Down..." "Annie Doesn't Live Here Any More..." " Mamma Loves Papa... - No, stop it, Freddie-boy." " You're steaming up my glasses." " Like you said, H. L... they don't write songs like that anymore." "For old times' sake... will you sing one of the old songs?" "Shucks, H.L." " These kids wouldn't like that old stuff." " Sing it for me, Fred." "A sort of musical sentimental journey for an old pal." "How about Number 42 from the old book?" "That gets me right here, Fred." "Can Barney sit in, too?" "He's pretty good on the drums." "Sure." "Shelly, let this cat use your skins for a number." "Right, man." "Hi, all you cats." "I've got a square from way back there... who's gonna belt one out for us." "Freddie Flintstone... the Golden Smog... and on the skins, Barney Rubble... to give us trouble." "Oh, boy." "Somebody must've left the gate open at the old folks' home." "Yeah, strictly from prehistoric." "Now the Golden Smog asks the musical question..." "When the saints come marchin'in" "Oh, when the saints come marchin'in" "Yeah, I want to be in that number" "When the saints come marchin'in" "When the sun refuses to shine" "Oh, when the sun refuses to shine" "I want to be in that number" "When the sun refuses to shine" "That voice!" "Sounds familiar, doesn't it, Betty?" "Sounds more like a hog-calling contest." "Let's go inside." "I thought I recognized that frog voice, Betty." "That's Fred up there, groaning." "And look on the drums, it's Barney!" "Yeah, man!" "When the saints come marchin'in" "Oh, when the saints come marchin'in" "I want to be in that number" "When the saints come marchin'in" "When the saints come marchin'in" "When those saints come marchin'in" " Those cats are pretty cool." " Yeah, I dig it, man." "That voice!" "And those saints go marchin'in" "When those saints go marchin'in" "I want to be in that number" "When those saints go marchin'in" "That drummer man!" "Wilma, what's going on?" "I don't know, Betty." "But the Golden Smog seems to be a hit with these kids." "When the saints come marchin'in" "Marchin'!" "How about that, cats?" "Come on, Betty." "We'd better latch on to our husbands, or we'll never get them back." " Hurry, before those kids tear us apart." " You're not kidding." "Let's get out of here." "Golden Smog, come in here, quick." "We'll save you." "Thanks, lady." " You saved our lives." " Think nothing of it, Big Daddy." "You're my type." "You're the most." "I dig that Golden Smog." "Man, like, can you beat those skins." "Skins?" "Yeah." "We'll make, like, real music together, cat." "I don't know about that." "I'll have to ask Betty." "Betty, she's out of the scene." "She don't make it, like." "I mean, like, way-out." "But, madam, I..." "Come on, Big Daddy." "Spread some of that Golden Smog on my ears." "Wait a minute, lady." "I got a wife." "I bet she doesn't understand you." "She understands me, but she wouldn't understand you!" "Let's scram out of here." "Hot Lips!" "You gotta help us." "There were two girls after us." "They won't leave us alone." "Okay, Fred, you beat it." "I'll sidetrack them." "It's crazy, but I'm an idol around here." "When Hot Lips talks to them, they forget everybody else." " Wait for us, Big Daddy." " Here they come." "Contact." "There's some contact for you, you old goat-face." "Every once in a while, a moment of truth." "Faster, Fred." "Faster!" "That'll teach them a lesson." "Now, let's get back to the house before they get there." " Boy, that was close." " And how." "If Wilma and Betty ever found out about this, they'd have our scalps." "Barney-boy, stop your worrying." "I made them disappear, remember?" "But after I bring them back, I'm returning all that magic stuff." "Good." "It's dangerous, real dangerous." "Now, let me see." "How does it work?" " Gosh, Fred, don't tell me you forgot?" " I got it." "Whether you're near or whether you're far... come out, come out wherever you are." "Big Daddy-o, you forgot to take us with you." "Did you bring your skins, drummer boy?" "Run, Barney, run!" "They're in the closet." "Now, let's get out of these costumes, quick." " Hear anything, Fred?" " Not a sound." "Take a peek." "See if they're gone." "The coast is clear, Barney." "We can come out now." "Wow, they must've got discouraged and gone home." "Wow, if our wives ever caught us with those..." "What's the matter with you?" "Lxnay, ixnay!" "Caught you with who, Fred?" "Come on, Fred, speak to me." "Who am I?" " You're Benny?" " No." "Billy?" "It's you, Barney." "Wilma, Fred's coming out of it." " Did Wilma and Betty see those two girls?" " No, they don't know a thing." "He'll be all right, Wilma." "Just let him rest for a while." "I will, Barney, and thanks." " Good night, Wilma." " Good night, Betty." "Wilma, I'm hungry." "How about fixing me up a little snack?" "Fred, what are you doing up out of bed?" "There's nothing wrong with me." "By the way, how did you like that disappearing trick, Wilma?" "Pretty good?" "The most, man." "Like way-out." "I mean..." "I think I'll lie down again, Wilma... and just skip the little snack." "I don't feel so good." "Not good at all." "Come on, Wilma, open this door!" "English" "Come on, Fred, make a wish then blow out the candles." "Yeah." "Quiet out there." "I gotta get some sleep." "Barney to the rescue." "Fred, you're home early." "Yep, I wanted to catch you before you started cooking." "Wait till you see what I brought home for dinner." "Fred, if you think I'm gonna stuff pheasant at this hour..." " It's not pheasant and I'll do the cooking." "What did you buy?" "A couple of dinosaur steaks, New York cut, two inches thick." " They look a little stringy to me." " Don't be a wise guy." "They're gone." "You must've left them at the butchers." "I tell you I had them when I came right home." "So how could I've..." " What's that?" " Barney, barbecuing next door." "How could those steaks disappear?" "I swear I didn't stop anywhere." "What's he barbecuing?" " Smells like steak." " Yeah." "And I didn't let this bag out of my sight for a sec..." "Steak?" "Did you say steak?" "What a sneak!" "I just put that bag down for a second." "Hi, neighbor." "How do you like these?" "Couple of dinosaur steaks, two inches thick." " Makes your mouth water, doesn't it?" " It does, does it?" "Is he gonna get a fist full of fingers in that mouth." " Okay, wise guy." "Hand them over." " Hand what over?" " Hey, let go of those steaks." " Okay, neighbor, you asked for it." "I found your steaks right here on the wall." "You owe Barney an apology." "Yeah, say you're sorry and let me have them." "I'm sorry and I'm gonna let you have both of them." "What's that for?" "That's for the next thing you do wrong." "It's ridiculous, that's what it is." "Two grown men acting like a couple of kids." "They haven't spoken to each other for five days." "I'm sick and tired of it." "I told Barney to go right over and make up with Fred." " What did he say?" " He absolutely refused." "So I said, "I'm going to invite my mother for a few weeks if you don't. "" "Really?" "What'd he say then?" "Hi, Wilma." "I'll call you back, Barney is here now." " Hello, Barney." " I was just wondering if..." " How's everything, Wilma?" " Fine, Barney." "I'll go call him." "Fred, a friend of yours is here." "If his name's Barney, he's no friend of mine." "It's all right, Wilma." "But as long as I'm here..." "I'd like the return of some property of mine... which certain people borrowed... but obviously don't intend to ever return." " I'm referring to my ladder, if I may." " Of course, Barney, help yourself." "If he's no friend of mine, I'm no friend of his." "You did that on purpose!" " So long, neighbor." " Come back, you coward." "Betty, open the front door for a coward!" "I'll head him off at the pass." "Help!" "Fred, are you all right?" "I will be as soon as I get out of this stupid hole... and lay my hands on you." "That's not a stupid hole." "That's gonna be my swimming pool." "I don't care what it's gonna be." "I'm gonna sue you for..." " Swimming pool?" " That's right." "Oh, boy!" "Swim parties, barbecues, water polo." "You know, the works." "Too bad we're not friends anymore, neighbor." "Maybe you're not my friend, neighbor, but I'm still yours." " What do you mean?" " Just this." "I'm gonna show you how you can get your pool for nothing." " I don't get it." " Well, it's simple." "If you build half a pool... and somebody gives you the other half free..." "Yeah." "...you're getting your half for nothing, right?" "But who's giving me the other half free?" "Who is your bosom buddy, close pal, and lifelong friend?" " How many guesses do I get?" " Barney, you're looking right at him." "See you around, bosom buddy, close pal, and lifelong friend." "Come back here." " What's that supposed to be?" " A diagram of the finished pool." "This is how it works." "Here's your half, and here's my half that you get free... with a diving board at either end." "You keep saying I get your half free, but it's in your yard." "Well, without my half you only got half a pool, right?" " Yeah, but..." " All right." "Now look at the advantages of owning a pool with somebody else." "You get all the expenses, the chlorine, the filters, the pool toys... the cranophrane, the phonostein." " The what?" " Cranophrane and the phonostein." "You gotta put it in every week, you know?" " Sure." " And it all costs money." "We own the pool together, we share the cost." " We do?" " And besides all that..." "I'm throwing in this little surprise free." " For me?" " For you, buddy." "You're one of the good ones, Fred." "I'm ashamed of myself." "Some friendships are written in blood, Barney-boy... but this one is written in water." " Water?" " Pool water, that is." "That's funny." "Start digging." " I'm digging, Fred." "Look, I'm digging." " All right." "You have to admit one thing... they've been getting along real great since they started this pool deal." "Why not?" "Barney is doing all the work." "Four thousand more buckets and the last one in is a hot potato." "Keep up the good work, Barney-boy." "You're almost there." "My half isn't even filled yet." "It's a big job, neighbor." "Okay, at this rate it's gonna take all day." "No, it's not." "Relax, Barney." "Because I'm gonna help you." "You are?" "Yes." "I'm gonna get you a bigger bucket." " How do I look?" " Trés chic, sir." "You might say around the world in 80 inches." "Yeah, it is trés chic, all right, even if I say so myself." "You think it's a little tight around the middle?" "No." "Snug, perhaps, but tight, never." "You have a handsome physique, sir." "Yeah, I know." "Barney should have it filled by now." "Oh, boy, swim parties, barbecues..." " All through, Barney?" " Last bucket, Fred." "Last one in is a hot potato." "Wait for me!" "Out goes the bad air" "In goes the good" " We should have left them in for good." " Don't give me any ideas." "Out goes the bad air" "Wilma, when are we going shopping?" "As soon as I serve His Majesty's lunch." "He's dining at the pool today." " Where's Barney?" " He's trying on his gear." "Gear?" "He's gonna practice spearfishing in the pool." "Spearfishing?" "I'll be right back." "I gotta go feed the fish." " Where do you want it, Fred?" " Set it down where I can reach it." "And remember if you sink... don't let my best dishes go down with the ship." " Take me to your leader." " Barney, it's you." "Did my spearfishing outfit scare you?" "Out of my wits." "And don't scare Fred, or he'll lose his lunch and my dishes." "Hi, Fred." " And what are you made up for?" " I'm gonna practice spearfishing." "You can't lose." "You'll spear them or they'll die laughing." "How does it work?" "And don't point that thing at me." " I'm sorry." " It's loaded." "You're making it awful tough to be good neighbors." "No use wasting the lunch." "Hey, Charlie, how soon till quitting time?" "Any minute now, Fred." "I can't wait to hit that pool." "And thar she blows." "Last one in is a..." "Now what?" "Hi, Fred." "Grab a shoehorn, and squeeze in." ""Squeeze in" where?" "Neighbor, you and me have to have a little talk." "And who ordered this pool full of people?" "They are not people." "It's the YCMA." " I'm letting them use it." " You mean the YMCA." "No, YCMA:" "Young Cavemen's Association." "Hey, buster, you're getting a little heavy." "Last week it was the Boy Scouts." "Monday, your relatives." "Tuesday, it was your club." "And last night, the bowling team." ""Last night, the bowling team."" "When do I get to use my half of the pool?" "You are forgetting, neighbor, that your half is my free half... and I'm letting you use it." "You are an ungrateful ingrate." "And there is only one way to handle an ungrateful ingrate." "Is this any way to treat your bosom buddy... close pal, and lifelong friend?" "Barney, you're right." "This is no way to treat a bosom buddy, a close pal, a lifelong friend." "This is!" "Now what?" "We're only gone a couple of hours... we come back and you got a spike fence up." "It's simpler this way." "When he wants to use his half he does." "And when I wanna use my half, I do." "And right now..." "I intend to use my half with a fancy one-and-a-half." " Hi, neighbor." " Barney, what happened?" "I took out my half of the water." "Why should I fill the pool for that hippopotamus next door?" "Because the wife of that hippopotamus next door... happens to be my best friend." "That's why." "The fence comes down because the wife of that little sawed-off runt... happens to be my best friend." "And another thing." "This constant quibbling between the two of you... has got to come to an end." "Not a bad idea." " Where's Fred?" " He's inside taking a nap." "I haven't seen him since D-day." "You mean "D" for "Down-With-The-Fence"-day?" "You know Fred, he's decided:" ""That pool isn't big enough for the two of us."" "Barney and his buddies are sure using it." "You know big, kind-hearted Barney:" ""Sure, come over, use the pool."" ""Big, kind-hearted Barney."" "Don't forget." "Barney is having the bunch over tonight." " I know." " Does Fred know?" "No." "But if he asks, I'll tell him Barney's having a pool-warming party." ""Pool-warming party"?" "Sounds like the call of the male gripe-o-saurus." " You bellowed?" " I did." "I understand "big, kind-hearted Barney"... is having a pool-warming... which includes using my half of the pool without my permission." "You get the message and I've got one for you." "I don't want any trouble." "You think I'd make trouble for my bosom buddy... close friend, and lifelong pal?" " Is that what you're intimating?" " No, that's not what I'm intimating." " That's what I'm saying." " Wilma, I'm surprised at you." "Why would I make trouble for Barney... just because he's been a little unneighborly?" "Just because he's a little ungrateful?" "Just because he's the biggest rat I ever met?" "Don't be silly." "Hello." "Who?" " It's for you, Charlie." " Tell them to hold it a minute, Mac." "Eight rock in the corner pocket." "He'll be right with you." "Ten rock the hard way." "Yeah?" "Hello, Fred." "Do you a favor?" "Yeah, listen." "I'm playing a gag on a neighbor." "Remember the outfit you wore at the Halloween party?" "You mean the policeman's suit?" "Yeah." "Bust in and give them the disturbing-the-peace routine?" "Yeah, no more parties, or I'll throw the book at them." "No, they won't know you." "You put on that phony mustache and the big nose." "We'll have a load of laughs." " What are you up to, Fred?" " Me?" "What makes you say that?" "I know you, Fred Flintstone." "Don't try anything funny." "I promise you, Wilma, if I try anything, it won't be funny." "Don't you realize Barney is really the best friend you've got?" "And with him for a friend, I don't need any enemies." "See who's at the door." "I don't get it." "Why do you always have to stick up... for that knee-high Gila monster?" "For he's a jolly good neighbor" "Remember, this was Barney's idea." "For he's jolly good bosom buddy, lifelong friend, and pal" "Happy birthday, Freddie-boy!" "My buddy!" "Come on, Fred." "Make a wish, then blow out the candles." "Okay." "Let's see, I wish..." "Quiet out there!" "I gotta get some sleep." "Ever since that pool went in, nobody sleeps." "Okay, this is all-out war." "Yes, madam, we'll take care of it." "Yes, I know, sir." "We'll quiet it down." "I know you're a taxpayer." "I know." "Calling car 809." "Yes, Sarge?" "Investigate riot at Fifth and Stone Canyon." "Right, Sarge." "Over and out." "Let's go, Pete." "Barney to the rescue!" "Barney is having a ball." "Looks like this pool-warming party is coming to a boil." "All right, everybody, the party's over." "Let's quiet it down, folks... or I'll have to book you on a 407, a 609 and a 33-and-a-third." "We got a dozen complaints." "Swell job, Charlie." "Let's ham it up a little." "So, the party's over, big mouth?" "Big mouth?" "How would you like to take a running 407-and-a-half into the pool?" "All right, wise guy, I'm gonna run you in." "You mean I'm gonna run you in." "Into the pool, that is." " Fred, have you flipped?" " Relax, Wilma." "That's no policeman, that's my friend Charlie." " Fred." " Yeah, Charlie?" " I couldn't get the policeman's suit." " That's okay, Charlie." "Who's that in the pool?" "It ain't Brigitte Bardot." ""Disturbing the peace, resisting arrest." ""Dunking an officer."" "Et cetera, et cetera." "I didn't even have a piece of me own birthday cake." "How do I get into these messes?" "Barney-boy, am I glad to see a human face." "How are you, Fred, old pal?" " I'm okay, I guess." " Relax, Fred." "We'll have you out as soon as the judge sets bail." " Thanks, old pal." " And in the meantime:" "Happy birthday, bosom buddy, close friend and lifelong pal" "You're one of the good ones." " Thanks for bailing me out, Barney." " What are neighbors for?" "Is Wilma still mad?" "She'll get over it." "She gave me the bail money, didn't she?" "Like you said, Fred, "This friendship is written in water." " "Pool water, that is."" " Speaking of pool water..." "You mean, "Last one in"?" "Fred, I forgot to tell you." "I had to clean the pool, so I drained it." "Wilma!" "Come on, Wilma, open this door!" "English" "Oh, no." "And I made it double or nothing." "Oh, no." "Flintstone's a good winner but he's certainly a poor looser." "Here comes Fred home from work, Dino." "Come on, boy." "Come on, greet your daddy." "He's home." "No, Dino!" "Hold it, boy!" "Not now." "Stop it, Dino." "Stop it!" "You hear that, Dino, stop it." "Hi, Fred." "Dino sure gave you the big welcome tonight." "What do you mean, "tonight"?" "Dino gives me a big welcome every night." "Don't you, boy?" " Dinner ready, sweetheart?" " In a minute, Fred." "Go sit down." "You know, Wilma, I've been feeling wonderful this past week." "Must be because I haven't seen... that ungrateful neighbor of ours, Barney Rubble." " Ungrateful?" "How come?" " I'll tell you how come." "I figured that Barney wasn't getting paid enough." "So last week I went to see his boss." "I told him I was Barney's agent." "And, boy, did I lay it on the line." "Laid what on the line, Fred?" "I told him I was collective bargaining for Barney." "And unless Barney collected a lot of retroactive pay, the bargain was over." "Then I told Barney to put his broom down and go see his boss." " And then what?" " I haven't seen that ingrate Barney since." "He's probably living it up on that big fat raise I got him." "Who cares?" "To stop seeing him around is worth it." "It's water over the bridge." "Nothing could get me mad." "Not the way I feel." "Nothing." "What's the idea?" "One smelt for dinner?" "I thought nothing could get you mad, Fred." "One measly smelt is nothing." "And I'm mad." "I need nourishment." "I'm a growing man." "You're growing, all right." "You're growing impossible." "Oh, yeah?" "What happened to the dinosaur steak I brought home last night?" "If you must know, I gave it to Betty and Barney." " Betty and Barney?" " That's right." "So it isn't enough I get the guy more dough." "He's got to sponge off my wife when my back is turned." "I'm gonna go see that sponge and squeeze his ungrateful head." "Fred, just a minute." "Get away from that door, Wilma." "My chivalry is getting thin." "And that's the only thing about you that is getting thin." "Now you listen to me, blabbermouth." "The reason I gave him the steak is because they haven't had a decent meal all week." "They're too proud to ask for help." "But the truth is they're flat broke." "Broke?" "What's Barney doing with all that money I got him?" "Are you kidding?" "All you got him was a place in the unemployment line." "After you got through shooting off your big mouth... to Barney's boss, he fired Barney." "I was only trying to help." "You better think of something that will help Barney... or you'll be eating smelt all month." "Okay, Wilma, I'll think of something." "Me and my big mouth." "Who is it?" "It's me, Barney." "Fred." "Come on in, Fred." "The door is open." "How about that guy?" "He ain't even sore at me." "Hello, Fred." "How've you been?" "You're looking well, Fred." "Hiya, Barney." "Betty." " Long time no see." " Yeah." "Why don't you boys go in the den?" "I'll fix some snacks." "If I can find any." "Think nothing of it, Fred." "I know you meant well and besides, it wasn't much of a job anyway." "Thanks, Barney." "You're a swell guy." "But I lost you a job and I'm gonna get you another." " Yeah?" "How, Fred?" " I've got an influential friend..." " that could get you a job in a minute." " No kidding?" "It happens I'm playing golf with him tomorrow, and you're coming along." "But I don't play golf, Fred." "You don't have to." "We'll make it a threesome." "You can caddy, and that way he'll get to know you." "And I'll needle him into giving you a job." "That sounds good." "You think it'll work?" "Barney, my boy, did I ever give you a bum steer?" " Well..." " Don't answer that, Barney." "Just meet me at the Gravel Beach Golf Course in the morning." " This sure is a nice place, Fred." " Oh, it'll do." "Now listen, Barney." "This guy, Mr. Boulder, whose bag you're gonna carry... is my private golf pigeon." "In the business world, very big." "On the golf course, nothing." "We play every week. $1 a hole and side bets." " Can you afford it?" " Of course I can't." "But I never lose." "Now, be nice to him." "You suggest what clubs to use and stuff like that." "But, Fred, I don't know one club from another." "So much the better." "For me." "Mother, get the peanuts out, here comes my pigeon." "Hiya, Mr. Boulder." "Good morning, Flintstone." "Nice day for golf." "Mr. Boulder, I want you to meet a friend of mine." "This is Barney Rubble." "Good morning, Rubble." "And what's your handicap?" "Offhand, I'd say my biggest handicap is living next door to Fred." "I like a man with a sense of humor." "Don't you, Flintstone?" "Yeah." "Rubble." "Haven't we met before?" "Southampton, Newport, Palm Beach?" "Maybe the steam room at the Y?" "The Gaiety Bowling Alley?" "I'd better explain, Mr. Boulder." "Barney is going to caddy for you." "He needs the money." "Needs money?" "I've heard of people like that, but I never thought I'd meet one." "There're a lot of us like that, Mr. Boulder." "I lead such a rich, sheltered life." " Fore!" " What does "fore" mean, Fred?" "Don't ever do that!" " Sore head." " Quiet!" "You got a good curve on it, Fred." "Wow, what a shot, Fred." "Right back on the tee where you started." "Here you are, Mr. Boulder." "This looks like a pretty good one." "A putter?" "To drive with?" "Okay, you're the caddy." "You know this game better than I do." "Driving with a putter, yet." "Boy, this is gonna be good." "A hole in one!" " Is that good, Fred?" " You're a whiz, Rubble." "That's the first hole in one I ever shot." "And I did it with a putter, thanks to you." "It looks like I'm winning a friend, Fred." "You could still end up even." "You're losing me." "Did you keep your eye on the ball, Fred?" "Does that answer your stupid question?" "Rubble, what'll I do now?" "My ball's down here in this sand trap." "Down in a sand trap." "Let's see." "Try this, Mr. Boulder." "A driver?" "A driver in a sand trap." "You wanna make it double or nothing, Mr. Boulder?" "Okay, it's a bet." "Oh, no." "And I made it double or nothing." "Oh, no." "Flintstone's a good winner, but he's certainly a poor loser." "Like you always say, Flintstone:" ""It's not winning the game that counts, it's collecting the dough."" " Fred, the job." " Yeah, the job." "Mr. Boulder, could you somehow get Barney a job?" "Anything at all." "He's not too..." "You know." "For Barney, anything." "Tell you what, Barney." "You go see this friend of mine, Rocky Stone." "Now, here's my card." "The address is on the back." "And tell him I sent you." " Gee, thanks, Mr. Boulder." " Edgar, to you, Barney." "So long, loser." "I'll see you next week." "Yeah." "So long, Mr. Boulder." "Ta-ta, Edgar." "A hole in one." "Double or nothing." "Boy, I was really in the groove today." "He deserves to win at least once." "Only it sure puts me in a mess of sour pickles." "What do you mean, Fred?" "The dough I lost was supposed to make the delinquent payment on the TV set." "I don't dare tell Wilma." "Fred, I'm gonna go see about that job right away." " And thanks a lot for helping me." " Yeah." "Good luck, Barney." ""Rocky Stone Inc."" "Yep." "This is the place." "Come in." " Mr. Stone?" " Yes." "What's your complaint, buster?" "No complaint, sir." "Mr. Boulder sent me down for a job." "Mr. Boulder." "Come right in." "So you're a friend of Mr. Boulder?" "He's a great man." "Very big in the business world." "But I hear he's not so hot with the golf club." "Yes, sir." "He said that you would give me a job." "And he is right, sir." "You've got a job." "I have?" "Gee, thanks, Mr. Stone." "What'll I do?" "Now, first let me explain something." "A lot of people think our business is cruel." "But they're wrong." "You see that picture hanging on the wall?" "Throwing people to the hungry lions." "Now, that's cruel, sir." "You keep that picture in mind while you're doing your job." " What is my job?" " Look at the picture." "I am." "You're going to repossess furniture." " Repossess furniture?" " Someone's got to do it." "Think of all the cheats who won't pay what they owe." "Think of how they laughed when we trusted them." " How we took their word in good faith." " Yeah." " They can't get away with it." " Right!" "And here's your first assignment." "A real tough one." "Refuses to pay up on his TV set." " Why, the welsher." " You're right." " Get the money or bring back the set." " Right." "Now, raise your right hand and read the oath." ""Neither rain nor snow, nor threats of tears..." ""shall deter this collector..." ""from the completion of his contemptible duty."" "It kind of gets you right here, doesn't it?" " Kind of gets me right here." " Okay, now TV or not TV." "That's a gag we have in the trade." "I'll start small." "A TV set first." "And I'll work my way up to pianos, bedroom sets, houses." "Who knows?" "Now, let's see where that deadbeat lives who won't pay up on his TV set." "Fred?" "Oh, no." "And he helped me get this job." "What will I do?" "I just can't go in and take my best friend's TV." "And yet, I need this job." "Besides, I took the oath." "I pledged allegiance to the hungry lions." "I just can't fail on my first assignment." "Maybe Fred can pay." "He always has some dough stashed away for sweepstake tickets or something." "They went thataway." " Which-a-way?" " Thataway." "Hi, Fred." "Hello, Barney." "Come on in." "Pull up a chair." "Want to try some of this Sabertooth Tiger milk?" "No, thanks, Fred." "Guy on TV recommends it for fallen arches." "I'm not sure if you're supposed to drink it or soak your feet in it." "You sure like your TV set, don't you, Fred?" "You bet." "I'd rather lose my right arm than miss my TV programs." "I was afraid of that." "Look, here comes the fellow with the stiff leg that helps the sheriff out." "Speaking of sheriffs, did you make that delinquent payment on the TV set yet?" "Are you kidding?" "I lost that money to Mr. Boulder, trying to help you get a job." "Yeah, I know, Fred, and I appreciate it." "But you must have a few bucks stashed away in your bowling ball bag?" "Quiet, you fathead." "Want Wilma to hear you?" "Knock it off about my financial rating." "Don't you have any money, Fred?" "What is this?" "Am I on the witness stand?" "Who do you think you are?" "Perry Gunite or something?" "I'm broke." "B-R-O-K, broke." "Now shut up about me." "Let's talk about you." "Did you get the job Mr. Boulder sent you to see about?" "Yeah, I got it." "You don't seem too happy about it." "I'm not." "I'm quitting." "Quitting?" "No, you're not." "You want me to get in bad with Mr. Boulder?" "What's the matter with the job?" "I don't know." "It goes against my grain." "Look who's got a grain." "You see this?" "How would you like those knuckles to rub up against the grain of your wooden head?" " Fred." " Fred, nothing." "What could be wrong with a job you had for an hour?" "I would have to do something ruthless." "So what?" "In business you've got to be ruthless." "You've got to use every trick in the book." "When fighting fair don't work, fight dirty." "But how about friendship, Fred?" "Friendship?" "Your only friend is a buck." "And the more bucks you got, the more friends you got." "You are a soldier in the business army now." "Your boss is your commander." "When he says "charge," you charge!" "Trample the enemy or be trampled!" "You do whatever your job calls for." " That's your duty." " Yes, sir." "And thanks for the advice, Fred." "For a guy that digs ditches, you sure know the business world." "Just a minute, Barney." "Let me open the door for you." "Thanks, Fred." "Thanks for everything." "That Barney is like putty in my hands." "Now, let's see." "There's a fight on Channel 15." "Barney!" "Barney, are you nuts?" "Where are you going with my TV set?" "I'm repossessing it, Fred." "That's my new job." "Your job?" "Taking my TV set?" "Yeah, Fred." "You told me to be ruthless, remember?" "Ruthless?" "You bring this set back or you'll be toothless." "Fred, what are you and Barney doing with our TV set?" "Nothing, Wilma." "We're airing out the aerial, like." "Put it back." "I want no fooling around with that set now that it's paid for." "Paid for." "Okay, Wilma." "We got it back." "And as for you, out of my house, you Benedict Whosis." "But, Fred, I'm in the business army now." "Okay, soldier, retreat!" "Or they'll be blowing taps for you." "Business army?" "Since an army travels on its stomach, a nice sandwich would be in order." "And I'll try some more of that Sabertooth Tiger milk, too." "Here's my chance." "Here comes Fred." "I'd better hide or he'll skin me alive." "How did that get here?" "I could've sworn I put it on the stand." "Nope, I didn't." "Barney's got me so upset, I can't remember what I'm doing." "Nothing wrong with my muscles, though." "This set feels light as a feather." "Now it's back where it should be." "I hope it's working after all that hassling around." "Do you have trouble sleeping at night?" "It may be because you're a deadbeat." "Pay up those annoying TV bills with one big payment... and get a good night's sleep." "All right, wise guy, get out of my set!" "I've got to take it back, Fred." "Okay, Barney." "I'll get you out the hard way... even if I have to wreck this set." "It's my duty, Fred." "So long." "Come back here, Barney!" "Kid, did you see a TV set run past here?" " A TV set running?" " Never mind, kid." "I see it." "The more I see of grown-ups, the more I want to stay being a little kid." "Come back here, you double-crosser." "Give me back my set!" "Come on, Barney." "Where are you hiding?" " Any particular model you're looking for?" " Yeah, one with human legs." "What a business." "I try to keep a big stock." "The customers always want something else." "There you are!" "Wait till I get my hands on you." "What do you know?" "I had one." "I've got a bigger stock than I thought." "Listen to reason, Fred." "Got you!" "Now get out of that set!" "I've got a good mind to smack you on the schnozzola." "Fred!" "What are you doing downtown with our TV set?" "That is, you see..." "Shucks." "Tell her the whole story, Barney." " You mean the truth?" " Yeah, I give up." "Go ahead, Barney." "I'm listening." " And that's the whole story, Wilma." " Aren't you ashamed, Fred?" "Taking it out on Barney when it's all your fault." "Take the set back, Barney." "It's your job." " And no hard feelings." " Thanks, Wilma." " No hard feelings, Fred?" " Yeah." "And as for you, playboy golfer... you are coming with me so I can keep an eye on you." "I still say that Barney is a false friend." "It's like that old proverb:" ""He who steals my TV, steals all."" "Wilma." "My TV." "It's back." "It came home." "It's home." " Here's a note for you, Fred." " What's it say?" ""Dear Fred, I got an advance on my first week's salary..." ""and paid your TV bill." ""Don't worry about returning the money." ""I just don't want to lose your friendship."" "Signed, Barney." "And that's your false friend, Fred." "That crazy guy." " Hiya, Fred." " Barney." "Hiya, pal." " No hard feelings, Fred?" " Of course not, Barney." "Come on in." "I'll fix you some Sabertooth Tiger milk." "Yeah, come on in, pal." "Fred, you understand I was just doing my job?" "I know, Barney, sure." "And I apologize." "I'm sure glad you feel that way, Fred." "Because when I went back to the office, they gave me another memo on you." "Something about an overdue payment on your golf clubs." "It sure is nice to see the boys making up." "Out!" "And don't ever come back!" "Be reasonable, Fred." "I've got to take them back." "Touch one golf club in my bag and I'll mash your head in with a mashie." "Come on, Fred." "It's my job." "You told me to be ruthless." "They were friends for about five minutes." "And that's about par for the course." "Wilma!" "Come on, Wilma, open this door!" "English" "Wilma, it's me, Fred." "Wake up, Wilma." "There's nothing to be scared about." "Excuse me, Wilma, I didn't know you had company." "I'll be back later." "Get your hands off her, you monster!" "Get out!" "Wilma, help!" "Hold it, Betty." "That's Fred's voice." "It is Fred." "It's a great script, Mr. Sandstone." "We're ready to shoot our new low-budget, one-day quickie horror movie." "Yes." "And what a title:" "And what a plot:" "The monster comes from the tar pits... and falls in love with a beautiful girl." "In a month, everybody will steal it." "Good." "Who's in it?" "Gary Granite, Rock Pile, and a new girl." " What's her name?" " Wednesday Tuesday." "Or is it Tuesday Wednesday?" "I can't remember." "Okay, get it rolling." "If it's not better than your last picture, turn in your sports car." " One thing, Mr. Sandstone." " Yes, what is it?" " May I call you Sandy?" " No." "Very well, Mr. Sandstone." "One more little thing." " We'll have to build a town set." " Build a town set?" " Why, our budget won't stand for that." " What'll we do?" "We need a town." "Use a real town." "That way, we get the buildings for free... and we can use the townspeople as extras." "You know, they eat that stuff up, anyway." "Say, that is great." "That is large thinking, sir." " Very, very large." " Thank you." "It's nothing, nothing at all." " But what town, sir?" " What town?" "Why, that's easy." "Now, there's the whole flat world as we know it." "We'll pick out a town." "Let's see." "We'll take this one." "Which one is it?" "It says "Bedrock."" "That's a town?" "It sounds so basic, solid, down-to-earth." "All right, now get going, my boy." "And bring me back a picture." "Yes, sir." "One quickie, low-budget picture made in Bedrock coming up." "Wash day." "If there's anything I hate... more than anything else in the whole world... it's doing the laundry." "She hates doing the laundry?" "She." "We interrupt this program... to bring you a flash from Hollyrock." "Miracle Pictures is going to use... our town of Bedrock... for the locale of their next picture." "Auditions are going to be held... and some of our very own citizens... may be used in the picture... which will star Gary Granite!" "Appearing with him... will be Rock Pile... and that new, exciting starlet..." "Wednesday Tuesday." "Or is it Tuesday Wednesday?" "Oh, my, oh, me." "Betty, quick!" "I heard it, Wilma." "Imagine, Gary Granite, right here in Bedrock." "And Rock Pile, too." "And what's her name, Thursday Friday." " You mean Wednesday Tuesday." " Yeah." "She's so cute." "And they're going to use the people of Bedrock as extras." "Why don't we go down and audition, just for fun?" "We'll call ourselves the no-talent sisters." "At least you can do swell bird calls." "And you can wow them... with that soft-shoe bit you do every New Year's Eve." " Is it a deal?" " Okay." " I'll ask Barney when he comes home." " And I'll ask Fred." "I know what he's going to say: "No!"" "But I don't care." "Can you imagine?" " Here we are, Fred." " Thanks, Barney-boy." "I'll see you after dinner." "After a tough day like today, I am ready for my nourishment." "Me, too." "I hope Betty has dinner ready." "I'm coming up the walk, Wilma." "Start putting the food on the plate." "I'm coming through the door." "And I'm one of the hungry ones tonight." "Wilma, where's my dinner?" "Hey, Wilma." "It's me, Fred." " Hello, Fred." " Boy, did you have me worried." "I thought for a minute I'd have to fix my own dinner." "How can you even think of food at a time like this... when they're going to make a picture right here in town." " Make a picture?" " Yes." "And get this:" "With Gary Granite!" "Gary Granite." "Who's he?" "He is a big movie star." "And if you didn't happen to spend all your spare time in a bowling alley... you'd know who he is." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, I happen to know who you are." "You are my wife... and you are supposed to have dinner ready for me when I get home..." "Gary Granite or no Gary Granite." "What has Gary Granite got that I haven't got?" "I can tell you what." "His dinner, that's what." "Droll, very droll." "I'm surprised at you, Wilma, falling for all that mushy stuff." "The trouble with you, Fred, is that you have no romance in your soul." "You're wrong there, Wilma, wrong again." "I'll tell you my trouble." "I've got no food in my stomach." "And I'm going out to get some... while you look through your movie magazines." "If I run into Gary Cobblestone, or whatever his name is..." "I'll give him your regards." "Oh, that Fred." "He didn't even give me a chance to ask him about the audition." "You mean they're gonna make a movie here in Bedrock?" "That's right." "Isn't that thrilling?" "And they're gonna use the people here for extras?" "Wilma and I thought we'd go down to the audition." "If it's okay with you and Fred, that is." "It's okay with me, Betty." "Thanks, Barney." "You're the sweetest." "Keep saying it." "I like it." "I'll call Wilma and tell her I can make it." " Hey, Barney." " Hello, Fred." " Did you hear the big news?" " Yeah, I heard it." "I'm on my way down to Rocky's Cafe to get a bite to eat." " Do you want to join me?" " Sure." "Betty was so excited, she forgot to make dinner." "And then Fred stomped out of the house before I even had a chance to ask him." "Gee, that's a shame." "Barney said it was okay for me to try." "I didn't get a chance to ask Fred, so he didn't get a chance to say no... so I'll take a chance and go with you tomorrow." "Delicious." "Give me brontosaurus ribs every time, Barney..." "I could eat a carload of them." "Me, I'll take a pterodactyl drumstick every time, Fred." "Love these drumsticks." "How about shooting a game of billiards before we go home, Barney-boy?" "Lead on, Freddie-boy, lead on." "I'm with you." "You know something, Barney?" "I just can't understand some people." "Just because some movie company is arriving tomorrow... they get all excited." "Movie being made here." "Big deal." "Ridiculous, isn't it, the way people act?" "I don't know, Fred." "A lot of people will get a bang out of it." "A lot of people, maybe, but not the sophisticated types like us." "The plane with the movie crowd arrives at 6:00 tomorrow morning." " You say 6:00?" " I'll bet the place will be mobbed with..." "Sure, with a lot of numbskulls." "6:00, huh?" "Boy, not even the birds are up yet." "Fred, I just remembered something." "I'm kind of tired." "I ought to get to bed early." " Do you mind if we go home now?" " Not at all, Barney." "Kind of feel like hitting the sack myself." "I'm kind of beat." "Attention." "Special movie flight now arriving at Gate..." "Stanley, what gate did you say?" "Gate Four." "Arriving at Gate Four." "No autographs, please." "Here they come!" "Here comes Wednesday Tuesday." "Tuesday Wednesday, what're you doing Saturday?" " Fred, what're you doing down here?" " Oh, boy." "I just came to see how many numbskulls would show up." "It looks like one more numbskull showed up than I expected." "There's Betty and Wilma." "That Rock, he is a doll." " Let's beat it before they see us." " Yeah, we're supposed to be working." " Wasn't that exciting, Betty?" " I'll say." " You know what I did?" " What?" "I touched Rock Pile when he went by." "You did?" "I'm not going to wash this hand for a week." "That'll be something to tell your grandchildren." "Let's go down and audition before all the jobs are gone." "All they can do is throw us out." "There they go." "Come on, Barney, I'll drive you to work." " Fred, I've got an idea." " Like what?" "Let's take the day off and go down and watch the auditions." "You're the last guy I ever thought would go for that celebrity stuff." "I've got to face it, Fred." "I get a kick out of it." "Don't you get it, Barney?" "It's just a publicity gag and people fall for it." "Look at all the people lined up at the casting door." "See what I mean." "Numbskulls." "Makes me want to turn in my running pants... and get out of the human race." "Come on in, Fred." "We can watch the human race make numbskulls out of themselves." "Nothing doing." "I'm going to work, and I'm late now." "All right." "First harmonica picture we make, we'll send for you." " I play the kazoo, too." " That's fine." "First kazoo picture we make, you're in." "You don't expect to find any talent in this crowd, do you?" "It creates goodwill, Gary." "And who knows?" "No one ever heard of you... till you won that cotton-picking chicken-plucking contest upstate." "All right." "Next." "Too bad, but hula hoops have had it." "Okay, that's it." "The first hoop picture we make, we'll call you." "You're next, Betty." "Good luck." "I don't need luck." "I need talent." "It's Betty." "That's the blue-bellied kingfisher's mating call." "I suppose if I was a blue-bellied kingfisher..." "I'd appreciate it more." "And now, the yellow-throated oriole." "Hold it." "I got the idea." "The very next bird picture is yours." "Hi, Betty." "Your bird bit was great." "Thanks, Barney... but you know it laid a big, fat, speckled egg." " What're you doing down here?" " Just nosey, I guess." "Me, too." "Look, Barney, Wilma's on." "Okay." "Stop the music." "That's all." "Thank you, Miss." " The first..." " Musical you make, you'll call me." "You were only great, Wilma." "The only thing great was that he called me Miss." "I'd better get home and start dinner." "I feel guilty." "We're all having the fun and Fred is working." "He's too sophisticated for this stuff, anyhoo." "But Gary, where is your pride?" "You know the budget won't stand for a double." "I've got a new thing going, you see." "I'm taking pride in staying healthy." "But, Gary, where can I get a double for you?" "That's your business." "Mine is staying alive." " Excuse me, sir." " Sorry, no more auditions." "Now, Gary, like, listen to reason." "I knew all that ring-a-ding you were giving these people around here... was a lot of hooey." "Only a numbskull without an ounce of brains... would fall for that guff." "Did you ever think of being an actor?" " Who, me?" " Sure." "You'd be perfect." " Who, me?" " Right." "You're big, you're strong..." "I'll tell you what we'll do." "We'll divide the lead between you and Gary Granite." "The lead?" "I'm worried about Granite." "He's been up a long time." "He's slipping." " But am I good enough?" " Good enough?" " You know what I'm going to let you do?" " No, what?" "All the hard stuff." "Let him do all the easy stuff." "You, my new star, will steal the picture." "Wait till Wilma hears about this." " I'll do it." " Good." "It's the title role." "Here's your costume." "It's just like Gary's." " The title role?" " Yes." "The Monster from the Tar Pits." "You are the monster." " I am?" " Sure." "You're breaking in at the top." "You don't have to worry about lines." "Just practice growling and roaring." "Like this?" "Good." "Go home." "Come back tomorrow afternoon." "Keep practicing." "That's your double, Gary." "No wonder they call you the genius of the quickies." "Maybe when I get back, he'll let me call him Sandy." "Maybe Fred's right." "You can be silly about this celebrity stuff." "I should be more mature about it, like Fred is." "That must be Betty." "She said she'd be over." "Come in, Betty." "The door's open." "Wilma." "It's me, Fred." "Wake up, Wilma." "There's nothing to be scared about." "Excuse me, Wilma." "I didn't know you had company." "I'll be back later." "Get your hands off her, you monster!" "Get out!" "Wilma, help!" "Hold it, Betty." "That's Fred's voice." "It is Fred." "What's the idea of pulling a stunt like that?" "And what're you doing in that messy old suit?" "This messy old suit, as you call it... means that Gary Granite is on the way out... and I am on the way up." "I'm doing all the hard stuff... your hero, Gary Granite, can't do." "You mean you're doubling for Gary Granite?" "Oh, boy, there's a woman for you, gets it all backward." ""You mean you're doubling for Gary Granite?"" "Not, "Fred, you're gonna be a movie star."" "Oh, no." "Barney's home." "He's coming over." "Don't let him in yet." "I'll put on my monster head and scare him." " Anybody home?" " Okay, Wilma, let him in." "Come in, Barney." " Hiya, Betty." "Hi, Wilma." " Hello, Barney." "Hiya, Fred." "You going trick-or-treating tonight?" "No, I am not going trick-or-treating tonight." "And if you will excuse me, I must practice my lines." "I must be ready when Granite cracks." "What's the matter, he sick or something?" "What's this all about?" "Fred's doing all the hard stuff in the picture... that Gary Granite can't do." "You mean he's doubling for him?" "Did it occur to any of you... that doubling might also be interpreted... as replacing Gary Granite?" " Fred." " What is it?" "Don't sit down on anything in that sticky suit." "That's right, Betty." "He just left, costume and all." "Let's face it, he's the only one who got a part." "Are you going down to watch?" "No." "He said, "No visitors allowed on the set."" "Oh, boy!" "I've got to stop eating in those cheap restaurants." "Quiet, everybody!" "We're ready to roll." "In this scene, you are climbing the cliff... and at the top is Rock Pile with the girl you love." "But you are having a little trouble... because Rock Pile is dropping boulders on your head." " You're kidding." " No, I'm not." " Prop man." " Yeah?" " Did you get the fake boulders?" " Are you kidding?" " Do you know what they cost?" " Never mind." "We'll use real ones." "Mr. Flintstone." "Yes, Mr. Director?" " I think Granite has had it." " Good." " Are you ready to move in?" " Just give me the chance, that's all." "Give me the chance." "Good." "Roll 'em." "Action!" "Okay, Gary." "Cut." "Okay, Flintstone." "Chicken." "Roll 'em." "Action!" "Cut!" "Wonderful." "Now, this is how the scene works:" "You, the monster, are trying to carry off the girl." "But you are having a little trouble... because Rock Pile keeps hitting you on the head with his club." " Club?" " Did anyone get a padded club?" "Are you kidding?" "Do you know what padded clubs cost?" "Okay, we'll use a real one." "Quiet!" "Roll 'em!" "Action!" "Cut!" "Print it!" "Wonderful." "You are only great." "And now, here's the ending of the picture... which is also only great." "By the way, did the writer write an ending?" "You're joking." "Do you know what a writer costs?" "Never mind." "We'll ad-lib an ending." "Now, get this." "You're sick and tired of chasing the girl." "You know now you're never going to get her." "I don't know why." "I've been getting everything else." "So we see you walking towards the tar pits." "Back to the tar pits from whence you originated." " By the way, have you any insurance?" " A little." "Roll 'em!" "Put on the monster head." "Good." "Now start walking." "Walking into the sunset." "Back to your home, the tar pit." "You are sad." "Oh, boy!" "You look back, dejected." "You wave goodbye." "Good." "Now you keep walking and you keep waving." "Walking, waving." "A little more feeling." "Great." "Cut." "Wrap it up!" "You were wonderful, Gary." "Wonderful." "I know." "They'll love me in this." "Let's go, everybody." "Everything into the trucks." "We got the preview tomorrow." "I hope Sandy, I mean, Mr. Sandstone, likes it." "Did I do good?" "Did I?" "Barney!" "What're you doing here?" "You didn't show up for dinner, and Wilma got worried." "Where is everybody?" "Everybody and everything left for Hollyrock half an hour ago." "You mean I've been holding my breath for over half an hour?" "Yeah, and just don't hold your breath till you replace Gary Granite, either." "Yeah, I know." "I know something else, too." "I've been a chump." "A great big, fat, C-H-U-M-P... dope." "So forget it." "You had a lot of fun... and you found out that being in pictures is a lot of hard work... and not all glitter and glamour." "Yeah." "I was never right for the part, anyway." "I'm not the monster type." "I wouldn't say that." " What did you do with the monster suit?" " I threw it in the trash." "You had tar on every chair in the house." "Good evening." "We bring you another flash from Hollyrock." "The picture filmed in Bedrock yesterday... was premiered this afternoon... and was a smash hit." "Miracle Pictures plans to return tomorrow... to shoot the squel;" "The Son of the Monster from the Tar Pits... a heartwarming story... of a monster and his dog." "Well, how about that?" "They're coming back." "This time we all won't go running down, that's for sure..." "Wilma, where'd you throw that monster suit?" "I've got to find it." "I should be a shoo-in for the part." "Oh, no." "Here it is." "Never mind dinner, Wilma." "I'm gonna be busy practicing my lines." "Let's face it." "There's a little ham in every husband." "Come on, Wilma, open this door!" "English"