"Hi Alan, what are you reading?" "How you kill a fly with a book." "The End!" "Alan, I want to talk to you." "You know, we've been separated for a while," "And we've never discussed whether we should date" "While we're separated." "Each other or new people?" "New people." "Okay, it's part of being separated, right?" "Testing out the waters," "Seeing if there's someone out there." "It's only natural." "You have my blessings." "Good, because I'm seeing someone." "What?" "Well, I had a date-- actually two dates" "And so I've been seeing this person." "Person?" "It's not angie the tennis pro, is it?" "She's always had a thing for you." "Oh, no, no, no." "He's a man." "Oh, a man." "And..." "Well, I mention this to you now" "Because eventually, I'd like him to meet david." "Tonight." "Okay, I-I guess it was a matter of time." "Well, thanks for being so understanding about it." "Sure." "Hey, mom's here." "Hey, what's up?" "Oh, you're going with your mother" "On her date tonight." "Wait, what?" "Your dad and I agreed." "Mom, you're dating?" "And you want me to go with?" "Don't I get a say in this?" "I mean, shouldn't we at least have a conversation" "About it first?" "Oh, of course." "I mean, it was rude of me to just assume" "You'd be okay with it." "Let--let's talk about it." "David, would you be comfortable" "Meeting my new man friend tonight?" "Well, honestly, mom, you know," "It makes me a tad uncomfortable." "Oh, cut the crap." "You're coming." "What are you, five?" "Retired At 35 - 1x03 Gate, Gate" "I have to tell you, dad," "It's a little weird going out with mom" "And some guy." "Calm down, suzy." "It's one date." "Yeah, right." "Well, you're both gonna owe me" "For going out on a Saturday night" "To be bored out of my mind." "18 years of free rent" "And the gift of life." "Yes, we owe you." "Hey, if you're so worried," "At 9:00 sharp, I'll give you the call." ""the call"?" "Yeah, like, "your dog is sick."" "I don't have a dog." "Just make something up." "It'll be good practice For when you're married." "Okay." "All right, yeah." "Call me at 9:00." "You're sure you're okay with this?" "Totally." "Richard's coming over." "We're gonna watch animal planet." "It's otter week." "All right." "Well, I'm gonna go." "But I'm not gonna like it." "Oh, my god, you're an astronaut?" "!" "Yeah, well, it's no big deal, really." "There's quite a few of us." "David loves space." "Uh, yeah, and--and time," "Which some theorize are interchangeable concepts," "And I am geeking out on you." "Oh, my god, I am so sorry." "I knew he'd like you." "Yeah, totally." "Yeah, I always wanted to be an astronaut." "But it wasn't in the cards." "I'm a barfer." "David, remember when you were a little boy" "And I took you to cape canaveral" "To see a shuttle launch?" "Dan was the commander of that flight." "No way!" "I totally waved to you!" "And I totally remember you." "You were the little boy with the beautiful mother." "Isn't he amazing?" "The right stuff doesn't get any righter." "Thank you." "So how'd you decide to be an astronaut?" "Well." "Since I was a little baby, I loved the stars." "And I made a promise to myself" "When I was eight years old" "That someday I was gonna fly through space." "I'm making a promise to myself right now." "Hey, listen." "I know the boys who operate the hubble." "What do you say you and I pay a visit?" "Am I dreaming?" "Please tell me I'm not dreaming." "You are not dreaming." "Neither am I, I hope." "So what say we get some crab legs?" "I love crab legs." "Hey, you know who else loves having crab legs?" "Crabs." "Buzz aldrin told me that one." "Otters are semi-aquatic mammals that live" "Up to 10 years of age." "If it's anything like here," "The male otters die first." "And the female otters sell their golf clubs" "On ebay." "Hey." "Time to call David and bail him out." "The most dangerous part of any space walk" "Is disorientation." "So I'm constantly looking over my right" "To see what is in my field of vision?" " The moon!" " Bingo!" "So after that," "I spent eight hours repairing the space station." "I returned to earth," "And that's how I wound up on the 19 stamp." "People all over america lick his backside." "Sorry, let me just turn this off." "Where were we?" "Dan was talking." "Go on, dan." "Well, I feel like I'm dominating the conversation." "Please." "Dominate." " Dad?" " Matlock!" "Are you okay?" "Oh, we must have dozed off." "What time is it?" "Uh, midnight." "I called you four times, But you didn't pick up." "What, you couldn't come up with a good lie?" "You're not gonna have a very good marriage." "Well, I must have been a little distracted" "Because, uh, I met an astronaut!" "You're kidding!" "At the restaurant?" " Yeah!" " How'd you meet him?" "Did you go over to his table?" "I didn't have to." "He was at mine." "What was he doing at your table?" " He was with mom." " What was he doing with mom?" "Your mother's dating an astronaut?" "Commander Dan Sterling." "An astronaut, huh?" "Wow, I didn't see that coming." "Me either, and tomorrow he's taking me" "For a ride in the shuttle simulator." "I never would have met Dan" "If you hadn't encouraged it." "Oh, thanks, dad!" "You're welcome." "Okay, whaddaya got?" "According to my sources, in the last few days," "David, Elaine, and Dan have been to:" "Cape canaveral, the space center," "The space port, the planetarium," "And the mr." "Softee off route 3." "David had a swirlee." "Dan had a slurpee." "Then they switched." "I haven't spent that much time with david" "In the last 10 years." "This guy has got a lot of nerve." "Damn straight." "Swooping in and captivating my son." "So he's an astronaut." "Big deal!" "It's not like he's a rocket scientist." "Actually, he is." "I checked the google." "Yeah, he's been around the moon." "Twice." "Yeah, well, he's not the only one" "Who traveled for a living." "Except I didn't have some fancy spaceship." "Try maneuvering the jersey turnpike" "During a blizzard in a pontiac" "With four bald tires." "Anybody can fly around in the sky," "Peeing in their pants." "You worked for a living, my friend." "You're the hero." "Hey, Richard." "Hey." "What's up?" "David, I thought I'd grab tickets" "For the sarasota koalas ballgame tonight." "I'm sorry." "I'm gonna have to take a rain check." "I'm having dinner tonight with mom and dad." "Uh, Dan." "Did you just say dad?" "No, no." "I said mom and Dan." "I'm having dinner with mom and Dan." "You okay?" "I'm more than okay." "Good, good." "Just one little favor?" "Yes, anything, dad." "Well, two." "Uh, take out the trash," "And never see Dan again." "Seriously don't want me To hang out with Dan anymore?" " That's right." " Why not?" "Because he's a bad influence." "He's an astronaut." "Plenty of them are hooked on nitrous oxide." "That's dentists." "Wait, wait, wait." "You don't want me to hang out with Dan" "Because you're jealous And you feel vulnerable." "Exactly." "Dad, that's really sweet." "No, it's not." "It's silly." "But--but it's how I feel." "Dad, trust me." "No one could replace you." "You're my dad." "Dan is just a really cool And awesomely fantastic guy" "That I share a lot of interests with." "How about humoring your old man?" "Do it for me." "The guy who was there the day you were born." "Mom said you were away at a sales meeting." "All right, two days after you were born." "What do you say?" "Man, you're tough." "All right, you got it." "No more dan." "Clean break." "Thanks." "David." "Could I meet Dan at some point?" "No!" "So David's really not coming, huh?" "Afraid not." "You know, I also have a daughter." "Oh, yes." "Yes, yes, yes." "What's she like?" "She's no David." "The flowers sure are pretty." "Bet David would love them." " Hi, mom." " Hi, hi, David." "Is your dad here?" " No, he's out." " Good." "Don't you ever cancel on dan and me again." "Tonight was a disaster." "Sly glances at his watch." "Long pauses." "It was like being on a date with your father." "I'm sorry, mom." "I--you know, I had plans." "This is no time for you to get a life, David." "You're the glue that was holding Dan and me together." "Well, mom, I mean, it's not like" "I can hang around with you guys forever." "Sometimes I need" "A little extra help landing 'em After I hook 'em." "It's always been my curse." "It took me 10 dates with your father" "Before I got the bit in his mouth," "Cinched it tight, and broke his spirit." "After that, he was mine." "David." "Help me get the bit in Dan's mouth." "And you have no problem Using your son as bait?" "None whatsoever." "So tomorrow night, dinner." "You, me, and Dan." "Got it?" "Okay, mom, I'll do it." "But I really, really, really resent it." "Oh, honey." "Mommy's trying to get a new man." "She doesn't care." "So I promised my dad I'd never see Dan again," "And then my mom made me agree" "To go to dinner with them tonight" "So I can" "Help her get the bit in Dan's mouth." "Right, so she can break his spirit" "Like a horse." "We're women." "It's what we do." "But so no matter what I do," "I'm gonna be disappointing one of my parents." "Only one." "That's a win in my book." "David, whatever you do," "I know you're gonna make the right decision." "Well, how do I do that?" "It's simple." "Just make your decision from here." "That is one special lady." "She touched my boob." "Hey, David, where you going?" "Oh, I was just, uh, going to get the mail." "Oh, well, when you get back," "I thought we'd have some father-son time," "Maybe take the golf cart for a spin." "Scare the ducks." "But you know what?" "Actually, after I was gonna take a walk." "Okay, father-son walk!" "But who wants to walk?" "I'd rather just hang here and chill." "Well, if there's one thing I like" "More than walking, it's chillin'." "Darn it, I just remembered I can't chill." "So no chilling?" "Nope, nope, uh," "Promised, you know, Brandon that I would meet him At the bar." "Oh, well, I'd love to go." "Uh--oh, but--but-- but three's a crowd." "Three is an odd number." "But four's perfect." "I'll call Richard." "Dad." "Boy, guys, you really didn't have to wear" "Sport jackets, too." "We wanted to." "It's fun kickin' it old school." "I'm feeling very rat-packish." "You would so be Frank." "Next time we're going suits, text me." "I got a suit from the mall" "I been dying to wear again." "Didn't you work there one year as a santa?" "Yeah, that's the suit." "Okay, so I'm due at dinner 10 minutes ago" "With my mom and Dan, and I can't shake my dad." "Don't worry." "I got this." "I'll distract him while you slip out." "Hiiii." "How would you guys like to come er to the bar" "And let me make you my special drink" "That will have you begging for more?" "These jackets really work." "So you're sure David's coming?" "Oh, yes, he promised me." "Well, he doesn't seem as though He'd break a promise." "Would he?" "Oh, look." "David's here." "Yeah, sorry I'm late." "Who cares?" "Just sit down." "The important thing is you're here." "Gimme a space hug." "What is that?" "It's a regular hug with an astronaut." "Where's David?" "You said his name again." "I have to drink." "So where is he?" "David's in the bathroom." "Whoop, again." "Top me off, nurse." "So tell me, Dan." "Seriously." "Are there aliens?" "Well, I'm not at liberty to say." "So glad you came, sweetie." "It's a real treat to have you here, David." "Oh, yeah, real treat, real treat." "I just have to, uh, go to the bathroom." "Now?" "You know, when we were in space," "We never had to worry about bathroom runs." "Tricky part is not getting confused" "When you get back on earth." "I was giving the commencement address" "At bucknell university." "All of the sudden, boo!" "David, do your business," "And get your butt back here." "What's keeping David?" "You said his name again." "You know what I love about cleaning pools" "For a living?" "Nothing." "True dat." "What took you so long in the bathroom?" "Huh?" "Oh, nothing." "All good." "What happened to your sports coat?" "Musta left it in the bathroom." "Boy, he's really making a production out of it." "A-a-as a matter of fact, you better go get it" "Before somebody steals it." "You know what?" "You're right." "Great idea." "Right back." "We'll be waiting." "You said David." "Who said David?" "I did." "Oh, and you just did, too." "Line 'em up." "So tell me about the aliens." "Well..." "I'd just have to repeat it for David." "Oh, look." "David's back." "Sorry I took so long." "Are you okay?" "You seem shaken." "Did something happen in that men's room," "Like that time at the circus?" "No, I'm fine." "I'm fine." "So, favorite comet?" "How could you two-time me like this?" "Hey, hey, hey, fella." "No trouble here." "Now, she told me she was separated." "I'm not talking about her, Johnny Rocket." "I'm talking about him." "Dad, I'm sorry." "I was just trying to make both of you happy." "Both of us happy?" "What is going on here?" "I promised dad I wouldn't hang out with you and Dan anymore." "What?" "Why?" "The why is not important." "You're jealous I'm dating an astronaut," "And you're trying to sabotage it." "I'm not jealous you're dating an astronaut." "I'm jealous David is." "You have the earth, the moon." "Must you have the son?" "How dare you manipulate our son like this?" "It's obvious you're using David To break this man's spirit." "That's not true!" "Okay, that's it." "That's it." "That's it." "That's it." "I am tired of being put in the middle." "Dad, listen." "I love you." "And I would do anything for you" "Because I'll only ever have one dad." "And mom, you deserve a guy" "Who likes you for you." "And not just because you have" "An incredibly smart, charming and adorable son." "I'm done being your man bait." "And--and Dan." "Hey, would you like to get a brew?" "Roger that, houston." "You hungry?" "I could eat." "I knew eventually things were gonna go south." "I mean, come on." "The man's an astronaut." "You could do better." "You have." "He didn't have your sense of humor." "Who does?" "So are you okay?" " Yeah." " Good." "You know, I think we're really getting the hang" "Of this separation thing." "Me, too." "To us." "You know, I can't drink too much." "I have a tennis lesson in the morning." "Angie?" "Oh, shut up." "So, what made you finally leave the space program?" "I had a little problem with the nitrous oxide."