"All right, class." "These progress reports will let you know how you're doing in English so far, and for many of you I use the word "progress" loosely." "Please let it be an "a"." "Please let it be an "a"." "Please let it be a "c"." "Please let it be a "c"." "Mr. Gerkin, the fast food industry is booming and offers a bright future." " This is great." " This is terrible." " I got a "b"." " So did I." "I can't believe I got a real "b"." "As opposed to what?" "A "d" that I have to write another "d" on top of to make it look like a "b"." "Mr. Dingwall, can I ask you a quick question?" "You just did." "Goodbye." "No, actually it's about my grade." "I was kind of expecting an "a"." ""A"-- the same letter that begins the words "annoying"" "and "adios."" "Can you just explain to me why I got a "b"?" "English is my best subject." "Although my math and science teachers would argue with that." "Here's another one-- aloha." "hey, ready for your basketball game?" "Do I have to go?" "All we ever do is lose." "That is not true." "Sometimes you forfeit." "Oh, honey, it's important to think positive." "True, you've lost 11 games in a row and you're dead last in the league, but" "I don't know where I'm going with this." "Bad news, Gabe." "I can't coach your game today." "Just got an emergency extermination call." "What's the big emergency?" "Ladybug infestation." "Aww." "Oh, sure, one's cute." "Thousands-- unspeakable horror." "So I guess without a coach we won't be able to play our game today." "Hey, wait a minute." "I can coach." "That's cute, honey, but coaching's a little more complicated than you might think." "Oh, honey, I can lose just as good as you can." "What am I saying?" "I can't coach." "I have mommy  me with Charlie." "I could take Charlie to mommy  me." "Honey, that's cute, but mommy  me is a little more complicated than you might think." "Actually, it's really not." "You go ahead and take her." "All right, honey, looks like you're in." "Here's the playbook." "Now this might be a little over your head, so just do your best." "Xs are our team." "Os are the other guys." "Okay, the xs have lost 11 games in a row, right?" " Right." " We're gonna be the os this week." "Hi, Charlie, it's your big sister Teddy here." "Or should I say big failure Teddy?" "I just wanted to show you how sad I look after I got my first "b"." "And I just want to show you how happy I look when I got my first "b"." "Whoo!" "Sorry you had to see that." "I do not deserve a "b"." "I felt the same way." "You know, I know why Dingwall gave me a bad grade." "He just doesn't like me." "You know, that could be." "Whenever he talks to you, he makes a face like somebody just cut one." "But it's not fair." "I never cut one." "It's always gerkin." "So what if Dingwall doesn't like you?" "Who cares?" "I care." "No one's ever not liked me before." "I don't mean to be conceited, but likable people like me are liked." "It's just a fact." "As long as you're not conceited." "I know what I gotta do-- get Dingwall to like me." "I know what I gotta do-- more dancing." "I still got some happy left in me." "You'd better watch out if I ever get an "a"." " Hey, dad." " Hey, how was mommy  me?" "It was awesome." "The moms loved me." "I told them some jokes, made them laugh, taught them how to change their ringtones." "Did Charlie have a good time?" "I don't know." "I wasn't really watching her." "So?" "How bad was it?" "It was terrible." "It was terrible for the other team because we won!" "We won." "Ooh ooh!" "I don't believe it." "Where's Gabe?" "He went out for ice cream with the rest of the team, right after they carried me to my car, chanting "amy!" "Amy!"" "Really, such a fuss." "Did the other team just not show up?" "Oh, they showed up, but they wish they hadn't." "Kapow!" "That's amazing." "Actually, it wasn't as hard as you thought." "I just told the boys to go out there and have fun." "Did you at least use the playbook?" "Absolutely." "The bench was freezing, so I sat on it." "Hello." "Hey, Angie." "Look, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to mommy  me-- you want to talk to p.J.?" "I think he's here." "Hang on a sec." " P.J." " Yeah?" "Hello." "Oh, hey, ange." "Yeah, it was fun hanging out with you too." "That's hilarious." "Oh no, you didn't." "You guys mind?" "This is kinda personal." "By the way, did you see Linda's hair?" "Right?" "Hey, there's my winner." " Hey, dad." " Congratulations." "I mean, obviously a fluke, right, happening when your mom was coaching?" "But you know what?" "I think we can build on this." "Yeah yeah." "Dad, we need to talk." " What about?" " Have a seat." "Okay." "What's up?" "These things are never easy." "What things?" "Look, the team talked things over and we think it's in everyone's best interest if we make some changes involving the coaching staff." "The coaching staff?" "I'm the coaching staff." "Yeah." "Oh, wait a minute." "Are you firing me?" "After everything I've done for this team?" "We wish you the best." "Oh, come on." "Oh, come on." "Hey, give me another chance." "I can turn this thing around." "I think we're done here." "Oh, dad, would you send mom in?" "I have some good news for her." "Hey, Mr. "d"." "Got a little present for you-- some yummy homemade brownies, just 'cause." "School district policy prohibits me from receiving gifts which, judging by these, does not appear to be a tragedy." "Well, I thought you might have a sweet tooth like me-- just one more thing we have in common," "I mean, besides our ethnic heritage." "This should be good." "Dingwall is a scottish name, like Duncan." "I looked up your family crest." "Did you know that it's two eagles in flight?" "Miss Duncan, let's cut to the Chase." "You're here about your grade, right?" "You are one sharp scottish cookie." "The issue is your oral book reports." "I work very hard on those." "They're lifeless and dry, and that's coming from me." "Okay, so I'll jazz them up." "Find a way to make the book come alive." "Put your energy into that instead of kissing up to your teacher, which I find shallow, insulting and-- adorable!" " What?" " Honey, come on, let's go." "Who-- who-- who is that?" "Who is that?" "That's my mom and my sister Charlie." "Aren't you the cutest baby ever?" "We like to think so." "And you look just like your mommy." "If you're saying I'm the cutest mommy ever," "I accept." "Teddy dear, I had no idea you had a baby sister." "Teddy?" "Dear?" "Who is that?" "Who is that?" "Who is that?" " What are you doing?" " I'm watching my book." "For your book report?" "That's right." "Aren't you supposed to, oh, I don't know, read your book?" "Teddy, get with it." "Kids don't read anymore." "You're so old school." "And if you don't read your book, you're gonna be old and still going to school." "Hey." "Sorry." "I'm just a little upset about my conversation with Mr. Dingwall." "He was telling me how boring I was, and then Charlie came in and he lit up like a Christmas tree." " Well, there's your answer." " To what?" "To getting an "a"." "You should do your presentation dressed up like a baby." "You know what?" "I might have a better idea." "And I'd love to hear it, but the last of the mohicans just took off his shirt." "Gabe." "Hey, honey, you coming to Gabe's basketball game?" " What for?" " Because you're his father." "Or has he fired me from that too?" "You're still upset about this coaching thing?" "Of course not." "Although according to the by-laws of the Denver junior basketball association, article 17, section 9, the team is not allowed to take a vote and replace me, but I've let it go." "Good." "Oh." "Hi, dad." "Gabe." "This is awkward." "I didn't expect to see you here." "In my home?" "Gabe, honey, is there something you would like to say to your father?" "Yeah." "Dad, I'm gonna need the whistle." "Hey, ange." "What are you doing here?" "It's girls' night out." "Oh, you're kidding." "Tonight's not good for me." "Actually, I'm here to pick up p.J." "What's up, girlfriend?" "Ooh ooh!" "Are you going out with the moms?" "Yeah, gonna have some appetizers, maybe do a little karaoke, just let our hair down." "Actually, Jeannie rented a chick flick, so we're gonna hang at her place." "A chick flick?" "I'm good to go." "Don't wait up." "Okay, that's just weird." "No, what's weird is that I coach those kids for half a season and-- oh, let it go, Bob." "Are you having fun out there, kiddo?" "Mom, can you not see the scoreboard?" "It's 44-12." "We're getting creamed." "Gabe, over here now." "What?" "We never should have fired your dad." "It was your idea." "Dude, I was hopped up on ice cream." "Well, it's too late now." "Or is it?" "You know what you gotta do." " What are you saying?" " I'm saying it's time to hike up your skirt and fire your mom." "Hey, mom, we need to talk." "Sure." "What's on your mind, honey?" "These things are never easy." "You're firing me, aren't you?" "Yep." "Well, at least one of us is undefeated." "Good luck, losers." "Hey, dad, old pal, what's goin' on?" "Let me guess-- coach "fun" didn't work out, so now you're crawling back to dad." "Well, you know what?" "Maybe I've moved on." "Fine." "I'll go ask Nick's dad." "No no no." "I'll do it." "I'll do it." "Guys, men, come on, gather round." "Listen up." "All right." "We're gonna pull together." "We're gonna play as a team." "And we're gonna give it our all." " And then we'll win?" " Not a chance." "But here's what we can do-- we can go out there and we can lose with dignity." "Lose with dignity!" "Lose with dignity!" "Yeah!" "Hey, guys, come on back." "It's only halftime." ""Animal farm" by George orwell." ""Animal farm" is a story about what happens when idealistic animals take control of their farm from the evil human owners." "Oof." "Now I'd like to introduce you to some of the animals." "Meet snowball the pig." "Charlie's a pig." "I've died and gone to heaven." "Snowball, tell us about yourself." "Oh, I'm good-hearted and I believe that all animals should be treated fairly and share their property equally." "Thanks, snowball." "Time to get back to the farm." "Bye, snowball." "Bye." "But all is not well on the farm, because here comes" " -napoleon, the conqueror pig." "I am a troublemaker." "I tell some of the animals they're better than others." "That's right, I'm a bad pig." "Oh oh oh." "That is my new screen saver." "But thankfully, Muriel the goat calms things down with some of her words of wisdom." "Come on, Muriel." "I'm gonna see what's keeping her." " What's the holdup?" " Charlie's kinda gassy." "Might be those fish sticks we fed her in the cafeteria." "They're talking back to me too." "Okay, I'd better wrap things up." "Come here." "Come here." "Yes yes yes." " All right." " Okay." "And here is Muriel the fast-talking goat." "Hey, kids." "Want to know what I have to say?" "Read the book." "So in the end the animals become just as evil as the humans they overthrew." "And now you can't tell the animals... from the humans." "Thank you, everyone." "Bravo, miss Duncan." "You made the book come alive, and in the most adorable way." "I'm" " I'm-- I'm so sorry." "Ivy, help." "Oh, here come the sticks." "Well, now it smells like an animal farm." "Hey, mom." "Hey, dad." "Hey, how was story time at the library?" "It was okay." "We read "everybody poops."" "The title kind of gives away the ending." "Did Charlie have fun?" "I don't know." "We didn't sit together." "Anyway, I'm gonna be taking off again soon." "Going out with the moms again?" "No no, I'm done with that." " I'm glad you're over it." " Me too." "What was I thinking?" "What do I have in common with a bunch of women in their 30s?" "Mom, dad, this is Marge, the story lady from the library." "We're going to tea." "These are your grades on yesterday's final presentations." "Mr. gerkin, fit yourself with a hairnet." "Miss wentz." "Oh my gosh." "Miss Duncan, your grade and my dry-cleaning bill." "Oh my gosh." "Two "b"s in a row?" "What if my mom starts to expect this?" "I'd better turn this into a "d"." " Mr. Dingwall." " Yes?" "I just wanted to say thank you for my "a"." "You earned it, for creativity, imagination and style." "Nicely done." "Thank you." "Now pretend that bell was a fire alarm and the flames are upon us." "Just one more thing." "You know, I had this crazy idea that the reason you were being so tough on me was because you didn't like me." "It's crazy, right?" "Because obviously you like me, right?" "Teddy, not everyone in your life is going to like you, and the reason may have nothing to do with you." "Doesn't mean you've failed." "Just means you're human." "Okay?" "Okay." "But, you know, you never actually said if you like me-- okay." "Okay, if you like me, don't say a word." " Goodbye." " Ugh!" "Well, Charlie, no more fish sticks for you." "But thanks for all your help with Mr. Dingwall." "Because of you I got an "a"." "Whoo!" "And I learned that not everyone is going to like me, and I'm okay with that." "I'm working on being okay with that." "But just in case..." "Wish me good luck, Charlie." "Go go go." "Come on, come on." "Have you seen the team?" "They went thataway." "Come on, come on." "Have you seen the--?" "Duncans." "Still can't find them?" "No." "And I've searched the entire city." "♪♪" "You know, when I was coaching we didn't have this problem."