"I'm home." "Vivian, the birthday boy's here." "Geoffrey?" "Carlton?" "Hilary?" "Ashley?" "Nicky?" "Anybody?" "Will?" "I feel good" "Like I knew that I would, now" "I feel good" "Like I knew that I would" "So good" "So good" "I got you" "I got you" "Surprise!" "Happy birthday." "Happy birthday." " Happy birthday dear Uncle Phil" " Happy birthday dear Daddy" "Happy birthday to you" "Whoo!" "You better watch it, boy." "Mess around, blow that whole cake on the floor." "Uncle Phil, come on now." "How would you describe the look on your face when we screamed "surprise"?" "Uh..." "Surprised?" "Man, you looked just like a cow caught in the headlights." "The correct term is "deer caught in the headlights."" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "I know." "Forty-eight, 49, a jillion." " Mom, how old are you?" " Hmm?" "Younger than your father." " But everything's younger than Dad." " Yeah." "Such a kidder." "Ha-ha-ha." "But 50's gonna be a great year." "Not only for me, but for all of us." "I got a son heading off to Princeton." "Two daughters starting exciting lives in New York." "Another son starting kindergarten." "And a nephew that's, uh..." "That's, uh..." "Hey, buddy, you're gonna love kindergarten." "Well, it looks like we're all in the fast lane." "Except for Will." "I mean, someone has to be stuck on the soft shoulder." "Y'all hear what he said?" "Stuck on the soft shoulder." "Hey, are all the other munchkins as funny as you?" " Champagne." " Oh." "Great, I love champagne." "I mean, I love the look of it." "The color and the bubbles." "Well, here's to my wonderful family." " Yeah." " Cheers." "I have a little announcement to make myself." "I have decided to move back to London to be near my son Frederick." " Geoffrey." " Geoffrey?" "Well, I thought about it long and hard." "The time is right." "He needs me." " Good luck, Geoffrey." " Oh, thank you, sir." "Oh, Geoffrey, I'm gonna miss you." "Oh, we have to have a special going-away dinner for you." "What do you wanna make?" "Let's have another toast." "To all of us going on with our new lives." "And Will." " Hear, hear." " Hear, hear." "Don't worry, Will, you can come to kindergarten with me." "Waa, pssh." "Geoffrey, I know it's a little premature and I know I really didn't have to but being the generous person that I am, I got you a little going-away gift." "And that's a real autograph." "Go ahead, press the button." "Press the button." "Geoffrey, get in here, I need you." "Oh, don't you just love it?" "Love it." "Hey, hey, morning, Uncle Phil." "Whoa, 50 and a day, man." "How's it feel?" "I'm not getting older, I'm just getting better." "That's the same thing I'd say if I was on the downside of the hill." "Before I go to Princeton, there's a few loose ends I'd like to tie up." "I've taken the liberty of re-drafting your will." "Now, if you'll sign right here and initial this little box in the event you lapse into a coma, that'll give us the right to pull the plug." "How about a little sensitivity?" "All right, but if he keels over today, we're screwed." "Morning, all." "Isn't it a great day?" "Pssh!" "Happy birthday, Mr. Banks." "Heard you had quite a soiree last night." "That's French for "shindig."" "What's French for "unwelcomed guest"?" "I bought this for you." "They're false teeth." "They were my grandmom's." "She don't need them no more." "I know that look." "You're not getting any younger." "This isn't good for your back." "I brought this on myself." "Aah!" "Man, Uncle Phil, you beat your own record by, like, 10 feet." "Yeah." "There he is." "The oldest man in the world." "Ahh!" " I still got it." " Ha-ha-ha." "Ah." "I've been thinking, with you going back to England there's going to be a big void in my life." "Master Carlton, we'll write." "But that won't get my dry cleaning picked up." "Chop-chop, Geoffrey." "And to think I fished that boy out of the pool." "Okay." "I got the color swatches." "This is gonna be so much fun, living together." "I know, I can't wait." "Okay." "Ahem." "Eggshell in the kitchen and taupe in the living room." "I don't think so." "We agreed I could pick out the colors." "We agreed that you would have input." "That's right, and I'm inputting these colors into our apartment." "My apartment." "And I just changed my mind, you'll have no input whatsoever." "This is gonna be so much fun, us living together." "I'm gonna miss this time we've spend together." "Me working hard, focusing on my career and you sitting around in the house all day in your robe playing Nintendo." "You always make me feel so, so superior." "Like the story of the grasshopper and the ant." "The ant worked all summer long storing up food while the grasshopper frittered away his time." "Well, the winter has come and you've just been frittering." "Frittering." "Frittering." "Frittering." "See, now, that's where you're wrong." "See, the grasshopper hasn't been frittering." "Unlike the ant, the grasshopper had a life and friends." "And once in a while, a couple of little ladybugs would come over to spend some time with the grasshopper." "And on one weekend..." "You know the ladybug from the bookstore, the one the ant has the crush on?" "She even came over to spend some time with that fine grasshopper." "The weekend he was away at Princeton." "Well, what was she doing here?" "Frittering." "Mm." "She fritters so good." "Ha-ha-ha." "That's funny." "You're the funniest guy in the pool house." "And soon enough, you're gonna be the only guy in the pool house." "With the rest of us striking out on our own the only question is, who's gonna move out first, you or Nicky?" "Ha, ha." "Better hope he doesn't go to boarding school." "Hey, G. What's up, man?" "Hey, look, I got this friend, right?" "He kind of got a little problem." "See, he got these three cousins and they're all moving on with new and exciting lives and everything." "Is your friend feeling pensive?" "My friend doesn't know what pensive means." "Is your friend feeling lost?" "Ah!" "Lost." "Yeah, yeah." "See, he's feeling lost." "You know, he's feeling like the world is just rushing by him, you know." "Everybody's getting into all these new things and he's just stuck kicking it in the pool house." "Well, I mean, you know, per se." "You know, I mean, I guess he's feeling embarrassed you know, that he's the only one that ain't doing nothing." "Well, then I suggest you tell your friend the story my father told me." "It's the tale of the young Earl of Monroe who wanted to build a bridge over the River Mersey." "He labored for years and years and finally he was all done and quite proud of himself." "Okay." "Okay." "So I guess what you're saying is I should just tell my boy that if he applies himself, everything gonna be cool." "Well, actually, when the earl completed the bridge, he flung himself off it." " Dude killed himself?" " Quite." "Now, if you'll excuse me, Master William, I have dinner to prepare." "That's the advice that your father gave you?" "My father was not a well man." "Geoffrey, we are really gonna miss your cooking." "Oh, not to mention your cleaning." "I'll never find anyone who can iron the way you do." "Don't even go there." "You know, Will, with Geoffrey leaving, there's a job opening here in the house." "Yeah, I guess I could start by washing your pants in a thimble." "You know, this is one of the last times that we'll all be sitting together around this table for a while." "We should cherish these few moments we have as a family." "I'm really gonna miss you guys." "Oh, not to worry, Big Guy." "Will's gonna be sitting around this table for years to come." "Leave Will alone." "He can stay in the pool house for as long as he wants." " Right, Daddy?" " Well..." "It's either that or the Homeboy Homeless Shelter." "Ha!" "For your information, midget boy, I already got an apartment." "You did?" "Well, yeah." "You know, I was gonna surprise y'all, you know, but..." "You're moving?" " Yeah, I'm moving." " Don't toy with my emotions, Will." "I've been waiting a long time, I'm very vulnerable." "Look, I said, I'm moving, Uncle Phil." "The pool house is mine." "Yes." "Oh, it's you." "Circling apartments, eh?" "Looks like you've painted yourself into a corner this time, Master William." "Well, don't you worry about me." "I'm one of the best corner-getter-outers that there is." "You'll see." "But I'm saying, you know..." "I mean, you do got my back, right?" "Within a week, I shall be at 30,000 feet headed to London with many tiny bottles of Jim Beam dancing in front of me." "But until then your back is mine." "Thanks a lot, G." " Good morning, Will." " Hey, what's up, Uncle Phil?" "I hope you didn't misconstrue my enthusiasm over your leaving, last night." "I'm really proud of you." "Heh, heh." "In fact, I'm even a little envious." "I mean, there's nothing more exciting than change." "You know, I have a little story I'd like to tell you." "When did the story fairy descend on this house?" "Look, Uncle Phil, can we do that later?" "You know, I gotta go check out a few things for my spot." "Oh, well, sure." "Sure." "What do you want?" "Um..." "I'm here to see the apartment." "Fine." "Don't touch that channel!" "It's one bedroom with a bath." "One parking space." "No loud music..." "That cupcake's mine!" "I'm sorry." "You have company?" "No." "I just thought somebody was there, you know, because..." "No." "I'm alone." "Did you ever see that movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?" "Oh, I suppose I have to clean that up." "Hold on." "Sir, I have the airline on the phone." "In lieu of my spring bonus, I think it would be a magnificent gesture if you sent me back to London first class on the Concorde." "What would you consider an adequate gesture?" "Business class with a kosher meal." "What would be less than adequate?" "Working here another year." "I'll get back to you." "Ah." "There you are." "Sit down, we need to have a little talk." "Will did it." "No one did anything." "Now sit down." "Well, your mother and I have decided since all of you are moving out that, well, we all need to be clear on a few things." "We expect you to behave yourselves just as you do at home." "The same rules apply." "Then what's the point of moving?" "Can I have that one back?" "I don't know that these rules apply, I'm 25." "Hilary, you're 27." "That doesn't leave this room." "I'm gonna need you to look in on your sisters on the weekend." "Oh, great." "Now I can kiss Glee Club goodbye." "Okay, are we done?" "I'd like to go over the schedule." "We're gonna get together on all major holidays." "Thanksgiving..." "Oh, no, Dad." "November's sweeps month." "No can do." "We're gonna get together for Christmas." "What if I meet somebody and they invite me to their house?" "Well, what if I meet somebody?" "Well, what if she meets somebody?" "Dad, why don't we just see what happens?" "No, we are not just gonna see what happens." "We're gonna get together whether we want to or not because we're a family and we love each other, right?" " Yeah." " Now get out." "Okay." "Now, out this window, you get a ocean view." "The sunsets here are fabulous." "Oh, man, I gotta tell you, this place is all that." "And the price isn't too much because, well, I am flexible." "Man, this is less than what I'm paying now, Mr. Clark." " No, call me Peter, huh?" " Oh, cool." "Peter." "Hey, so when you moving out?" "I'm not moving out." "Geoffrey, I'm gonna need some things taken care of in the pool house before I move in." "Master Nicky, I do sympathize with your plight but I leave in a matter of days." "That's plenty of time to paint." "Chop-chop." "Master William, any luck with your search?" "Man, I saw some of the nastiest places this city has to offer." "Oh, well." "You'll have better luck tomorrow." "Suppose you right if I was gonna keep looking." "G, what would you say if I said I think I may have made a mistake?" "The word "duh" comes to mind." "Well, you know what?" "I know what I'm gonna do." "I'm gonna march right up to Uncle Phil and just tell him I lied." "I mean, I'm a man, you know." "I can admit to my mistakes." "That's all it was, a mistake." "Mistakes can be undone." "You learn, you move on." "So what?" "I can admit I was completely wrong and I can take my lumps." "Lumps I earned." "A man's lumps." "Uncle Phil can relate to that." "He a man, he lumpy." " Well said." " I'm gonna march right up to Uncle Phil and I'm gonna say, "This man is staying in the pool house."" "Good show, Master William." "And I wouldn't miss it for the world." " What does he want now?" " Who knows?" "Everyone, glad you're here." "Your mother and I have an announcement to make." "Dad, we've already been through this." "We'll give you Columbus Day." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "I have an announcement to make too." "Will, you wanna go first?" " No, you can go ahead, Uncle Phil." "Ah." "Thank you." "In light of all the changes afoot, your mother and I have decided to change too." "We're gonna sell the house." " You're really selling the house?" " Yeah." "What do you think?" "What are you, crazy?" "I mean that in the most respectful way." "I know what this is." "I did an entire show on it." ""The change of life."" "Are you experiencing mood swings?" "Trouble sleeping?" "Do your breasts ache?" "I am not going through menopause." "Mood swing at 3 o'clock." "Your father and I decided that since all of you were moving out we don't need a house this big anymore." "Oh, whoa, whoa." "Hold on." "I mean, do we really wanna sell this house in a soft market?" "Oh, yeah." "It's soft, Uncle Phil." "Marshmallowy." "I am selling this house for a lot more than I paid for it." "Then let's dump this puppy." "Excuse me, I love this house." "I grew up in this house." "Yeah, she grew up in this house, and Carlton still has a lot of growing to do." "Where would we go for the holidays?" "Wait, whatever happened to November sweeps, huh?" " Well, it..." " Ashley, "I might meet somebody"?" "And..." "Ashley, "I might meet somebody"?" "Dad, we'll come home for the holidays." "See, they wanna come home for the holidays." "No, you kids were right." "We're not gonna be spending a lot of time together so there's no reason why we can't move back East." "We wanna be close to you guys." "Well, why just be close?" "Let's all live together." "No." "Did I say that?" "It's gonna be great." "Oh, Will, we were so caught up in our own excitement, we forgot about your news." "Well, what do you wanna tell us?" "Oh." "Um..." "I bought a monkey."