"Good morning, little fuzz ball." "We're, uh, we're back in, in Los Angeles." "Twenty days later, it's all over." "On January 9, 2013, I and my intrepid friends loaded into a tour bus and went across the country." "In each city I got drunk and talked into a microphone for anywhere from 50 to 350 people who had all shown up because they liked my podcast Harmontown." "I crowd surfed, I crowd surfed pants less, and signed peoples clothes while they were wearing them, drank moonshine, blacked out, I just remember collapsing onto a table full of hot wings." "Seeing so much art drawn by people who are so good at things that I'm not good at, celebrating the things that I do." "I made my girlfriend cry, babbled incoherently, performed topless, I've hugged people whose bodies were shaking because they were so excited to be hugged, um." "What did I learn?" "Ah, were you here all night?" "Er... er, that's great, 'cause you're making a documentary about me, and now you have a shot of me getting into my car as if there's no camera in it." "Is this gonna be the beginning of the movie or are you gonna start it with, um, all of my friends saying bad things about me?" "Who's Dan Harmon, uh..." "Dan Harmon is, uh..." "Dan Harmon is a very complex individual, um..." "I don't, I don't know, I-I... have other people been able to describe Dan, have you gotten a concise, accurate description?" "I definitely think you're gonna get a lot of different answers to "Who is Dan Harmon?" depending on who you ask." "Dan Harmon is a, uh, creator." "A comedian." "Producer." "Kind of a genius." "Straight up nerd." "A gregarious, garrulous, gastronomical..." "Dan..." "I don't know, pass." "I think Dan Harmon would describe himself as indescribable." "He's a little narcissistic, he got a bit of an ego." "He'd probably say, "Smelly."" "Definitely a fat ass." "A troublemaker." "A podcaster." "An alcoholic." "He's probably the first person to say he's self-destructive." "I think Dan would describe himself as a human hand grenade who has a predilection for pulling his own pin out." "I think he'd say he's a writer, I think he'd say that," "I think he'd be very simple about it." "Writing, writing, Dave, send the actors down for their season one evaluations." "Hi, I'm Dan Harmon, I created NBC's Community." "Community is, uh, an exploration of people who are sort of on the outskirts of society, uh, who have been given a second chance." "So, you guys suddenly just wanted to play" "Dungeons and Dragons?" "Yeah, why wouldn't we?" "There's a running theme in his work that he reaches out to people that aren't used to being reached out to." "And you kinda feel like you're in a secret club if you watch Community because a lot of the world doesn't even know it's a TV show." "Community's had its ups and downs this year." "It's ups were the nights we followed The Office and people left their TVs on by accident." "Its downs were the rest of the season." "The show's his baby, you know, so like, he wants the show to be perfect." "Dan wears his heart on his chest, and he speaks his mind, and it has gotten him into trouble." "He's always striving for perfection and I think he's harder on himself than anybody else." "You could see that at the end of the third season, that he was really worn down." "So, I just wanted to let you know, uh, that Community is moving to eight." "What do you mean we're moving to eight." " Seven central." " What the fuck is central?" "It's the center of the country, you fuckin' idiot!" "Oh, fuck you!" "Didn't wanna go to therapy, and he needed an avenue through which to vent, so he started doing" "Harmontown the podcast at Meltdown Comics." "Ladies and gentlemen, Harmontown is once again in session." "Well, Harmontown is a podcast that they do every week where Dan, Jeff, they kinda just... they'll talk for a while." "It's different, it's not just an interview thing." "Uh, this is it." "We don't, yeah, we don't prepare." "Dan spent the last three years writing for a big network show." "There are all these filters that his work has to go through, like this is the polar opposite of that." "When you walked into my apartment, you would be knee high in pizza boxes." "There was mannequin legs with pantyhose on them," "I wa..." "I was wiping my ass with tee-shirts because I wouldn't go buy toilet paper because I didn't want people at Albertsons to know that Heat Vision and Jack hadn't been picked up for series." "He's got a lot on his mind." "And when he talks about it, it's like... you do kinda want a front row seat for that." "Nah, I just do that to hope that I come up with something else to say." "This show is very unique in that it's very interactive." "The audience is very much a part of the show." "All right, well, I guess let's have a hand for the... for the Fellowship of Looking Forward to the Hobbit." "None of us were the cool kids in high school, nobody's like, the prom king in that audience, unless they went to like, an anime school or somethin'." "Let's introduce our Dungeon Master, Spencer, everyone." "I don't think a lot of people can sit through a staged Dungeons and Dragons ep... tha-that's crazy." "There's really nothing that's embarrassing in here 'cause we're all, admittedly, fetishists and nerds and weirdoes and lonely and..." "I'm kind of hesitant to call this a kink, it's not really a kink, it's not really a fetish." "'Cause I don't get off on it, that's the thing, but, um..." "But I may." "I can't believe you don't come here every week." "The only boss that Dan respects is the audience because he just wants to entertain like, the people, like, the 20, 30 people that are in front of him." "Well, turn... everybody be cool." "So, one night in the show, Dan played a voicemail from Chevy Chase." "You're gonna live to be about 57 if you're lucky, the way you eat." "And your writing is getting worse and worse, so suck my (bleep)." "You're not funny, you're okay." "After a fan fight to keep it on the air and those now infamous Chevy Chase voicemails," "Community is in the headlines again." "It's long been reported that Harmon has clashed with the network, crew, and even some of the actors, but now he has been fired from the show he created." "Chevy, how you feelin' about the Dan Harmon stuff?" "The what?" " Dan Harmon." " Who's that?" "For three years I was told get higher ratings, you know, and I figured out how." "I'm gonna go to the networks that have higher ratings and, uh uh..." "On the sixth day, God created writers, but on the seventh day the devil, uh, filled the internet with porn, and blogs about blue whales, and all kinds of other things to keep you from writing." "Takes a lot out of a guy." "Being a vessel for God." "You know what, my job isn't to write right now." "My job is to take a bubble bath." "My favorite thing in the world is my moment to feel like a little baby." "It also has little jets in it that you can use to relax and massage yourself." "Rumor has it, sometimes you can use to maybe tickle, uh, your butt hole while you're jerking' off in it, um, but I..." "I... that's just something I heard from... on a forum." "I wanna ask you a question, j... just while we have the opportunity, we're going out on this big tour which is, uh, very ambitious, it's a very long, grueling schedule," "what do you hope to accomplish by this, like, is there, is there a goal for you?" "Well, Jeff, the thing about writing is you can see online or through Nielsen numbers that people are watching, but what I'd like to do, now that I'm between jobs," "I thought we could go out there and look into their eyes, and see if any of these people are real." "Did I have... was there an impact there?" "I th... but this is a whole track of conversation I wanted to talk to everybody about tonight, but I don't wanna delay our-our next guest, I think we should bring him up, and talk to him about touring." "Uh, please welcome to the stage Patton Oswalt." "Describe to me the tour, what're you doin'?" "Help me, help you." "We're start... we're leaving on the tenth, heading from Los Angeles to Phoenix..." "You're gonna, I'm sorry, you're starting the tour, your first show's gonna be in Phoenix?" "Patton, I don't know if you know this but we're traveling with our Dungeon Master, so..." "Oh, yeah, definitely go to Phoenix then, yeah, that's... your... you guys are like... that's... you're like Freedom Riders in the south in the '60s." "Sp... spencer, you're in deep shit, man." "Also, it's almost every night we're doing a show and it's gonna be January." "What the f... really?" "Yeah, it's, yeah." "Well, you know, there's a good chance that you're gonna get to be one of those, um, oh, what, wha... what else would he have done?" "Yeah, who knows who would've fired him." "Yeah, maybe." "All right, well, let's thank Patton Oswalt for coming by." "Thank you, everybody, for coming." "You guys have been fantastic for over a year and now we're gonna go out and see, uh how bad it gets." "Do you remember when this was all you had to do to make people happy?" "Remember when this made you a good person?" "That's it, that was all you had to do, you still had to do something, it was still an accomplishment," "I put bubbles on my head, I look like an old man, even though I'm a little baby, and everyone would just applaud and laugh." "That's pretty exciting to me, it's probably not exciting to you 'cause it's an image of a, uh, of a bus, you could probably see one of those on, uh, on the internet by Googling the word "bus,"" "but that's a bus that I rented." "Spencer, I'm keeping an, uh, like a private YouTube V-log." "How much writing do you have to do?" "I have to do like, about an eight-hour rewrite on the CBS, uh, pilot, they gave me some great notes, and I just have to fly through that script and address those." "The Fox thing I'm, I'm further behind on, uh, you know, I told them I would give them something Monday, it's Thursday right now." "And they sai... when Neil was doing this to me he had it to the right of my beard because he said the beard was like, giving it a lot of like, scratch and stuff, I don't know." "Right now, tell me all the facts that you know about Spencer." "I know that his beard holds the souls that he eats, and that he draws power from them but..." "I know he's a chocoholic." "I know he goes from zero to bitch in 60 seconds." "He doesn't do Mondays." "Um, I know that it's not a..." "it's not a pot belly, it's a, it's a fuel tank for a sex machine." "Should I talk differently or the same?" "I don't even know what that is." "I'm Spencer, and I'm the Dungeon Master." "Is there anything you don't want me to talk about?" "Yeah, everything, just don't talk about me." "I want to talk about the day you were born 'cause it's hilarious." "Oh, yeah, when I was born I had testicles that were larger than they are now." "This is my room, it's where I go to, you know, go on the computer, and sleep, and hide from the world." "This is, uh, my dice tube." "I used to have more dice but I gave a lot of them to people and my friends and stuff." "I had broken up with a girlfriend and was trying to get my mind off of things, so I turned to the wonderful world of podcasting, and I had the random, weird thought, I was like," "I might be able to play Dungeons and Dragons if I go to Harmontown." "The first time I went to the podcast they were like," ""Well, we wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons."" "So, is anybody here th..." "like, like, is somebody here like a Dungeons and Dragons kind of, aficionado?" "And this one hand shot up, and it was Spencer." "Can you... will you, are you willing to come up here for just a second?" "What is your name?" " Spencer." " Spencer, everybody." "Spencer doesn't really like being around people, he doesn't like being around strangers even more than just being around people he even knows." "And so to be going up and doing this, it was amazing." "So, yeah, we've just been playing Dungeons and Dragons onstage ever since, and it's been kinda crazy," "I've gained a lot of followers on Twitter, so." "You do notice flames licking the skins of the dwellings of the knolls, you can hear the sounds of screaming and shouting." "Let's go in and help!" "Th... these licking flames remind me a lot of the belt that used to lick my ass." "Wait... your dad licked your ass?" "No, his belt did." "His belt, how do you know it was his belt?" "It's a magical belt." "Because it was hard and held his pants up." "That's called his dick." "So, in Dungeons and Dragons, most of the time, you roll a 20-sided dice and the higher you get, the better you do, so, if I rolled one for the tour we'll see how good it turns out." "That's a three, so, there you go, it's gonna suck." "It's our first time, we made it." "We're rollin'." "The bus works, the bus works!" "V-log entry, YouTubin' it." "YouTubin' it!" "Here comes... this is the wrecking crew." "YouTubin' it!" "That's our van that we just found out, uh, has also been travelled in by Slayer and Styx." " And Styx." " Carry on, my wayward son." " Lady!" " That's Kansas." "But we're goin' to Kansas." "Dan, the slate, ready?" "One, two, three." "To luxury." "To no apologies." "Gentlemen, let's have a perfect tour!" "Perfect tour!" "We, uh, just got to the hotel in Phoenix, and the venue is a couple blocks away" "I guess we're gonna walk there." "And, uh..." "I'm a little nervous." "Do you get nervous in L.A.?" "Yeah, a little bit, differently though, I mean, this is like, there's so many more unknowns." "I love it, for me, the more unknowns, the better." "Dermot Mulroney." "Dermot Mulroney." "I'm sorry you have to be p-part of this." "Jeff's verbal exercises." "Chandelier, chandelier." "He doesn't know you can hear him." " Canoga Park!" " He's an actor." "Canoga Park!" "Crib death, crib death." "The all-important lip stretcher, crib death." "Pedophilia's an option when you have the gumption." "I think I'm ready to go, I'm loose, God, I'm loose." "Don't blow this." "Phoenix, first show." "I'm kidding." "Thanks for waiting, everybody, how you doin'?" "Hope we can make these people happy." "Won't you please help me welcome in the mayor of Harmontown," "Mr. Dan Harmon?" "Yo, yo, yo, yo." "Yo Phoenix, yo Phoenix, yo Phoenix, yo Phoenix." "Best city in the Goddamned world." "Phoenix." "Uh, so much to talk about, you're our first stop, by the way, I-I-I..." "Holy shit, what a great city, Phoenix is amazing!" "So, you're already starting to sense that I'm forcing that?" "We have to get a couple of things out of the way just for the movie, I'll take it off of your $22 if you see me after." "So, we need like, the slow motion montage like, like, like, of-of me killing' it at every venue, and we def..." "We definitely have to fake that, like, like... 'cause i... it's not gonna happen." "Wait, so this sounds like the most dishonest thing in the world." "No, no..." "Dan, Harmontown is about being sincere and honest, connections with people." "Well, it's basically a real thing, but just... just imagine that it's the end of the show, and like, I did really good, and just like, kinda go, kinda like, like, like, slow mo, like, reach for me," "like you wish you could touch me." "Like one, two, three, do it, like, right, like, slow mo." "This is all a lie." "What kind of movie do you think you're making?" "A movie of lies." "I won't sign off on this, Dan." "All right, well, whatever." "All right, let's stop, let's stop with the... let's stop with the gimmicks." "You were nervous about tonight." "Well, yeah, 'cause clearly you can tell from the photos on the wall that the people who normally perform here, they have actual material, you could... they're doing it in the picture, there's a picture" "of a lady going like, "Gah!"" "She's in the middle, she's just finishing explaining like, like, what Jack Nicholson would be like in a drive through." "That's a bummer like, you-you you've decided to do this tour and you come out and stand there with a microphone, you feel this onus to live up to Bobby Lee and, um, the guy with, the guy with the Hawaiian shirt." "Don Ho and..." "Gallagher lady and..." "Yeah." "Love you, Dan Harmon!" "Yeah, I want people to relax and have a good time," "I wanna be the reason they, uh, the-they were entertained." "I think that's what drew me out here is... it was like," "I want something, I wanna feel like I, like, I, you know, like, like I do something for a living, and it is..." " Th... they deserve..." " Love you!" "They deserve better..." "stop saying you love me!" "It's a surefire way to lose my respect, I hate myself." " You suck!" " Awesome, thank you, I suck." "Yes, I suck, thank you." " But you rule!" " But I rule." "Shut up." "I never knew what I was doing up there the whole time, and I was not in the moment, you know, I just felt like I was drowning." " How?" " Because they kept ge..." "They were going like, "You're off the hook, you can do anything you want," and I didn't know what to do." "Do you think you understand, honestly, like, why people enjoy the show, like do you understand..." "What people get out of it?" "What people get out of it?" "I think Spencer kinda understands where I'm going with this." "Yeah, it's about the connection, I feel like people see you, and you're... you... you're talking about stuff that they get, and you're being funny, but you're also really honest," "like, like, stupid honest, like it's unimaginable." "And also I feel like everyone that's involved is kinda trying to like, create this sort of almost Harmontown." "Yes, exactly, it's... it's this..." "you've created this thing unknowingly, and you know it, but I don't think you get it," "I don't think you understand it." "I don't, I don't have my A cam," "I'd like to go al fresco tonight." "I wanna hopscotch away from, from the way I started Phoenix and I-I feel like I need to train myself to-to be a little more confident." "So, have you seen a difference in audiences on the road so far?" "I know you've just done Phoenix, but..." "It's our second city, uh, yeah, so, I honestly like," "I-I-I, no I haven't." "So, to me, all of your work is about connecting people and turning a passive audience into an active one, be it from like, the amazing passionate rallies and protests from Community fans, and even like, Spencer, like," "just somebody who was in the audience, now a part of the show, was this always in your head when you're doing these things to like, get fans, like, out of their chairs and producing content?" "It wasn't... it's never something that you consciously think it's just... it's a thing that I've always found makes me happy." "I definitely, like, like, all I want on my deathbed is to think that when I was 40 the people who were 20, that there, that there was a contact." "Thank you so much, I'm so, so excited to see the show." "Jeff, it was really nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you, man, well done." "Yeah, well, see you guys out there." "Bye guys, thanks." "Wow." "Uh, we had a great time in Phoenix." "We learned some painful lessons mostly about myself." "There were good people in Phoenix, they loved me, and I flung myself onto the sharpened rocks of my own self-hatred." "Dan actually started heckling the audience as well." "It was terrible, I felt awful." "But, uh, y-you all listen to the podcast, right?" "I think that we found last night, to our surprise, and I think what we're gonna find as we go is that the people that come to this show are gonna resemble our hometown crowd." "Pretty much, I ju..." "I ju..." "there's that misfit quality, and then I-I think our eyes meet across the room, it happened with some guy, I think his name was Jesse or something, he was the first guy who came in..." "I came in and there was guy, he was like, "Hey,"" "kinda waved at me like I worked with him, and I was like, "Yeah, hey," and I... and I-I knew," "I don't work with you but it's like, the different patterns of facial hair, and the, uh, just l-lovely, wonderful, wonderful, an army, an army of nerds." "I love it." "Well, we've asked ourselves what the point of Harmontown was, Dan's never really had a good answer for it yet." "Uh, I think the message is making itself really clear." "I think it's that idea of-of trust, of freefall, throw yourself out a window, don't know what's going to happen, don't look ahead." "In this, nothing can go wrong because it's nothing that we're doing." "Did you like the show?" " Yeah, it was awesome." " Very cool." "It was great, awesome." "I'm gonna stay here, we're not leavin' Austin." "Thank you, very much, great show tonight." "Thank you." " Great show." " Drive safe, thank you." " Hello!" " Hello." "Uh, I'm also from Milwaukee." " Oh, no shit?" " Yeah." "Words might fail to circumscribe the lesson I learned in Phoenix but it's a little bit about adapting to a new principle which I think is, I thought this was gonna be about me getting better and better at doing a show," "it's become about me dealing with the fact that I don't need to have one." " Great show." " Thank you." "Thank you, thank you." "You sleep okay?" "Oh, yeah, a little too well, I guess." "I was hoping to get some work done before I got there." "I'm in big trouble right now, I'm supposed to be working on my CBS pilot, and then I have a Fox pilot" "I'm supposed to be writing and, um, if they-if they saw what I was doing right now instead of writing it, they'd be very upset with me." "I should've been done with both of those things far before this tour started." "I took work onto the bus with me and it's, it's torturous." "It makes me feel like a little boy that didn't clean his room and it's awful, but it's what I deserve." "All right, guys, here we go, quiet please." "Let's roll, rolling." "And, action!" "I know everything!" "I met Dan back in, holy cow, I think it was probably '91?" "I'm coming." "We'd liked each other's comedy, we would talk about pop culture, talk about Star Wars, talk about just dumb, stupid stuff, and that was the beginning of our writing relationship." "Ben Stiller called me and said that he'd met these amazing writers and he wanted me to meet with them to try to develop a TV show, and I said yeah, that sounds great." "And we were like, if we're gonna do TV, let's write something that only we would like." "And the next thing I knew, they had written this unbelievable masterpiece." "Hello, America, I'm Ben Stiller." "I've directed an incredible new action series called Heat Vision and Jack." "In it, we follow the adventures of a super intelligent, renegade astronaut and his talking motorcycle." "It had everything going for it, but it was just too weird." "And expensive." "Unfortunately, it ended up being the most expensive pilot ever shot at 20th Century Fox." "Ben?" "And, uh, the pilot was not picked up." "After watching our program, chances are you'll spend some time tonight watching one of your favorite prime time shows, but what happens to all those TV contenders that never make it?" "The pilot was legendary for a long time, I mean, like, that was a tape that you would try to hunt down to see the pilot for Heat Vision and Jack." "Yeah, it's got a cult following, which, I guess is, you know, kind of a nice consolation prize." "But, uh, it could've been so much more." "So long, Jack Austin." "So long, Sheriff." "It's emotionally devastating, I was-I was wiped out." "We know we did a good product." "And it would've worked if it would've gotten a chance." "It was wildly original, and inventive, and, you know, two guys saying this is what we think would be a cool show." "After Heat Vision and Jack it got really dark because it was the first time Hollywood really, uh, rejected us." "But we just decided that our mantra would always be make the shows you would wanna see and I think that really affected, uh, Dan's work." "Knowledge is power, for real." "We only had 56 tickets sold for the show tonight and 172 open, which is, which is a lot." "We are flyering." "In like, 25 degree weather." "And windy." "Take it, Rhode Island." "We're already flying." "Do you guys want flyers for a comedy thing?" "Nope." "Give you a flyer, thank you." "He'll be there." " Your legs aren't cold?" " My legs are never cold." "I don't, I don't know why, it's like they're made of wood or something." "Did you bring pants?" "I brought one pair of jeans." "Are they magic jeans, do they on... do they have one use?" "Are you saving them for something?" "Oh, yeah, they recharge every couple of days, so I..." "When I was a kid, people would tell me take a shower, you stink, you're a piece of shit, and, uh, like, one day I took a shower, and combed my hair," "and got on the bus, and all the eighth graders were like, "Whoa, look at the..." "dude, dude, give me skin, man, give me five, fuckin' seriously, man, good job, good job."" "And I was like, never again, motherfucker." "I-I-I-I am going to be a millionaire and I am going to smell like a butt." "You've done it, you've accomplished your dreams." "Yeah." "I-I've known you for a long time, he's gone through a series of fetishes, uh, mannequin legs, nylons on mannequin legs, uh, videos about women under the table poppin' their shoe off their heel." "Right." "Then you bought the real-real doll, we didn't see you for a year." "Um." "You see these ads for," ""Oh, buy a fake woman made out of this stuff."" "And you're like oh, it's the perfect crime, like," "I'll take myself off the market, I'll spare all these poor women," "I'll spare myself, like..." "like, everyone'll win." "But then six months later, it's like the head's falling off them." "It's awful, yeah, 'cause when do you throw away your $6,000 rubber woman?" "Awful." "Thank God I had an assistant by that time." "What does this say?" ""Silver staff of Silva?"" "Yeah, Silva, do you you remember that thing that you climbed up out of the hatch with?" " Oh, right, right." " Yeah." "So, it's a long pole, um, you learn that if you tap it against something it gets longer, and there's a button that you can press on it." "Press the button." "Press that button." "I press the button..." "It gets stuck." " What do you mean it gets stuck?" " It gets stuck." " Oh, the button does?" " Try to unstick it." " I tap the staff on the..." " It's stuck." " I try to unstick it." " You can't, it's stuck." "You just... you just said, "Try to unstick it."" "Yeah." "Is the button stuck or the stick..." "No, the stick is stuck, the button's not stuck." "Unstick the stuck." "All right, so I push the button." "It becomes unstuck." " Could you sign this real quick?" " Yeah." " Spencer, do you have a marker?" " Yeah." "What's up?" "She would like to get an autograph." "An autograph?" " Sorry..." "I'm sorry." " You're okay." " I'm not okay." " You're fine." " Where do you want it?" " Anywhere." "Anywhere you want to sign it." " Two Ss?" " Yup." "Is this your wife I'm signing on?" "It is." "You bet." " Hello." " Hi." " Can I get a large blue?" " A large blue... and a what?" " A buff and a map." " Yes." " Can I get a picture with you?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." " Thank you." " Yeah, no problem." "One, two, two, one, one, two, one, two." " Hi." " Hi." "An actor prepares, you know." "Hi." "I love you." "I love you, too." "I know, it's weird." " Very giddy." " Yeah." "In an obnoxious way, right?" " Hi." " Hi." " Was that too much?" " No." "I'm gonna make the theme of tonight hubris, just because that's what I'm feeling." "I got the 5-hour Energy in me, and I'm feeling like an asshole." "Guess what, everybody?" "What?" "Harmontown is in session." "I gotta..." "I gotta own it," "I gotta go out and be fucking cocky." "Won't you welcome to the stage, the mayor of Harmontown, Dan Harmon." "I..." "I haven't asked this, Dan, you got two new shows in the works." "No, I don't." "Well, you have... you have a CBS show and a FOX show." "I, I..." "I conned two giant corporations into giving me a great deal of money." "Okay, thank you, thank you for all..." "Thank you for all the money, guys, I'm..." "Well, when are you going to be done with the script?" "Dude, I'm so fast, I'm fucking crazy..." "It only took me a week to write a Community episode because it had to be done in a week, and I had 20 people helping me." "I..." "I... as far as I can remember, I'm a really fast writer," "I can't remember past two and a half years, because I'm always high." "Let's see, just unbutton my pants." "Put on the internet... 30 days later." "Almost finished." "Oh, oh, it burns, oh, oh, oh, the creative process, it just..." "Hey, it's CBS." "Guys, it's almost done, what the fuck?" "Like..." "CBS, Dan just made a jerk off motion, if you're listening on the Podcast." "He went stuck his tongue out, and made a jerk off thing." "Dan, it's Christmastime, we agreed to spend this time with Rob and Kate..." "Do you understand what it's like to be a genius?" "Do you understand how fucking creative I am?" "Go have fun, I'm gonna be here, trying to write this script." "Jesus Christ, you're gonna fucking fade in on me jerking' off." "But we're Podcasting this show every night." "Presumably, somebody at each of those networks is listening to all of this, right?" "You could get fired before these shows ever get picked up?" "That could set a new record, yes, is what you're saying." "Yes, I..." "I have to be the Chuck Yeager of something, Jeff." "No, it'll be fine, I'm exaggerating." "And I'll edit all this out, I went a little overboard with the honesty tonight." "It's a little self-destructive." "So, that was..." "Take these bad boys for a spin." "What's it like to be able to have this platform to go out and interact with your fans?" "It's really interesting, you know, when you don't have an act, as I certainly do not, you have to get nervous for a new reason, every building you go into." "You're never gonna feel secure because you don't have an opener." "I'm not an improviser, I'm not like one of your... your little Whose Line friends, you know, your little... your Whosey Doodles." "I..." "I..." "I have to look at each room and go," ""Okay, what am I gonna say to these people for 90 minutes?"" "Yeah, I just realized I got nothing to talk about here." "The only thing I can do is self-destruct, because of my own issues." "The audience has not been unkind to us in any of these cities so far." "Can you talk a little bit about your Dungeon Master" "Spencer's evolution from spectator to participant in the show?" "It's a mystery to me, this... this Spencer thing just kind of fell together very, very magically." "I just wanted him up there, sittin' there, 'cause I like being able to go," ""What do you think about that, Spencer?"" "Oh, that." "It's been incredible, he's sitting three feet from me, so it's a little bit uncomfortable." "I think it's really interesting, like, did you anticipate that level of audience excitement with the DD?" "Not at all, no, God, no." "All right, well, let's play Dungeons  Dragons, right?" "Let's do this." "All right." "They're absolutely and really, unironically, cheering for rolls of the dice." " It's a critical hit." " Fuck yeah." "Cheering for spells being cast, they're cheering for people pulling out certain weapons." "I swing my far sword as hard as I can at the heart." "Your far sword goes wide, and rather than hitting the heart, it instead strikes a tentacle." "Is... is that good?" "It's better than not hitting anything or hitting yourself in the foot." "It's all... the... it's... it's..." "I'd never anticipated any of that, it's pretty cool." "All right, well, it's not our fault." "Neil wants this awesome shot of us not carrying a bunch of shit." "I can't help it." "I don't..." " It's the shot that we need." " I'm just freezing." "I gotta get outta this fucking..." "My hands are cold." "I'm not wearing a sexy, multicoast parka right now." "Harmon." "She's caught... my girlfriend's calling me, what do I do?" " Director?" " Go to her, go to her." "She needs you?" "All right, lucky me, that the shot doesn't involve..." "That's why I don't need your help over here." "Oh, what?" "The movie's about you being encumbered?" "No." "It could be." "Is the movie about you walking places?" "In point of fact, yes..." "...almost certainly." "I was just asking your help to help move things." "I know, I understand, and here I am." "I didn't know that you were doing a big entrance shot." "You can redo it if you like." "You could put that around my neck." "We could redo those, so 900 people could help you with those." "Well, who, that was nearby?" "I want to get in there, and I have to get set up." "Yeah, I've been doing the merch for the tour, and like, setting it up." "It's a thankless job." "Goddamn it." "And one that no one asked you to do." "It's awesome, and true." "In every sense." "Bye, baby, it's like... it's like in that Tom Hanks-produced movie about those Beatle-type guys..." "being separated..." "But do you love me?" "I'm waiting for the camera." "You have your moments." "Yes... it was a bit... oh, no." "No." "I would make a joke about how she got hit by a car, but, then there was that guy who brought me a handwritten letter on bar napkins about how his fiancé three years ago got killed by a drunk driver," "and how Community helped him repair himself emotionally, a little bit, and he just wanted to thank me, but he couldn't get a ticket to the show because it sold out so fast." "And I said, "Buddy, sorry for your loss, but sold out means sold out."" "Just kidding." "Squeezin' him in there, because I'm the Oprah of ineffectual white people." "Hogwarts reference." "Let's do an experiment." "Let's get Spencer out here immediately." "All right... oh, shit." "We've never done it." "Dan, we've never... it's..." "Hang on, Spencer." "Spencer." "So, Spencer, I heard you did some hash brownie today, man." " Is that true?" " How you doing?" "Nobody text Spencer's parents..." "I'm doing great!" "...and tell them he gets high." "Don't, don't call them, either." "Oh, Spencer." "He had... he had an accident with an edible." "It was... it was on purpose." "But that was... that was at nine A.M. today, right?" "No, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine." "Great." "He's a one man burning man." "Spencer seems to have eaten an edible." "You have partaken of a potion that seems to be having a magical effect on you." "Gripped by haziness and lethargy, you reach for the Cheetos." "See, I'm fine." "Oh, yeah, oh, he's still got it." "One of the guys making the documentary, we were at this Thai food restaurant, and one of 'em said, "Are you all right?"" "And he's like, "Yeah, I'm fine."" "And they said, "Are you gonna be able to Dungeon Master tonight?"" "And he said, "Yeah, give me the name of a monster."" "Can we try that out right now?" " Let's try a couple here." " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "All right, so, Spencer..." "anyone from the audience, do you have a... think of a, not a real monster, make up a new monster." "The tooth beast..." "Spencer, the tooth beast." "You hear the gnashing and grinding of ivory against ivory." "I'm gonna fucking die." "I am gonna die." "Should I even go on at that point or are we..." "No, you shouldn't..." "I mean, you could or you couldn't, it doesn't matter." "I am gonna die." "I'm gonna die of happiness." "Spencer, disaffected emotional parent monster." "Trying to get her attention, her mother looks over with a lazy, glazed-over look." "She seems exhausted, as if the weight of the world rests upon her shoulders." "You think that this might not be the best time to ask for ice cream." "He's a... he's a national treasure." "He's... he's a national treasure, whose parents dropped him off at the bus." "I haven't seen the hair down, look at this shit." "He looks like a very successful bass player." "God loves Spencer, amazing." "How is becoming a national treasure working out for you?" "Well, I'm not entirely sure I'm a national treasure." "We're certain." "Well, I appreciate it, but, how does it feel, though?" "It feels very combative, because people tell me that, and then I tell them no, and then they insist." "Yeah, and then they insist." " What's up, you guys?" " What's going on?" "This was the drop-deadline to turn in the final draft of my CBS pilot." "They're... they're really starting to make decisions about what stuff to pick up, so." "Can you bring the top end down more?" "And maybe... maybe bring up some of the mid or low?" "Maybe the mid." "One, two, one." "One, two, two." " Did you finish that yet?" " Yeah." " You did?" " Yeah." " Just now?" " Yeah." "I think it's pretty good." "It's cute." " Is it CBS or FOX?" " It's CBS." "You haven't done the FOX one yet, have you?" "But..." "I can get that done by midday tomorrow." "Something like that." "God, it's like being in college, and like, having like, an essay to turn in as like a..." "I'm stressed for you." "Yup." "Oh, I was gonna say about Spencer, we were in town, and, he texted me." "I..." "I broke off from the group and he said..." "After the fallout of Heat Vision and Jack, we were, you know, struggling, as writers, like everybody else, trying to make something work, and then, like, I guess we were on this, like, list of writers" "that Comedy Central gave to Sarah Silverman." "I was dazzled by all the ideas Dan sent me, and we ended up writing this pilot together, the three of us, and it was really fun." "That was super fun." "You know, Rob and Dan and Sarah all have a very, kind of a very twisted, dark sense of humor, which really showed up in the series." "Hey, same car." "Hey, same car." "We got picked up, we started working, and then the fun Dan..." "...was less fun." "But I think Dan, when he's writing a show, he wants it to be great, so he can be a little controlling." "Dan doesn't respect authority, just because it's authority." "He's a fucking genius when it comes what he... his vision is, and what he wants done, and if it doesn't get done the way he wants it, he... he explodes." "I felt like I was walking on eggshells every time" "I walked in the office." "He said stuff that like, made me feel bad inside." "So, I just was like, honestly, it's like him or me, 'cause I don't wanna feel this way." "Sarah let Dan go." ""Let him go."" "He got fired." "Sarah fired him." "It seems that Dan really thought he'd be Larry David to her Seinfeld, but it didn't work out that way." "Yeah, we both had visions for the show, I mean, the truth is, every single thing he wrote was amazing, and that's how bad it had to be, that I was willing to give that up." "I'm his biggest fan, and I fired him." "Then... then she said, "You know, you have to make a decision, but I want you to stay."" "And... that was... that was a hard time, 'cause when he got fired, I stayed." "Come on down to Harmontown" "Turn your frown upside down" "Pee is yellow, poop is brown" "Come on down to Harmontown" "Yeah, it's gonna be a goody." "I like tonight, I got a good feeling." "I got a... a good feeling, and it makes me feel terrified." "'Cause I feel very... very comfortable, so it... it starts to fill me with a Phoenician sense of obligation." "Yeah, tight's good." "It's good." "It's great." "I like the idea of making a big deal out of it, like it's some kind of stunt." "Like I'm Jacques Cousteau." "We should put a headlamp on his head." "Music city." "Cheers." "According to Joseph Campbell, it's either tonight or the next stop, where we cross a threshold, so, we don't know what that means." "It could be anything." "So, the big question is, what has been being shouted at us by God that we've been ignoring?" "I'll tell you one threshold we're definitely crossing tonight, I love doing this," "I wish I did not have writing work to do," "I wish I wasn't a writer, I wish..." "I wish this is what I really did." "I..." "I would love another drink." " Hey, Jeff." " Yes, Dan?" "I talked to a guy, he brought moonshine with him, and I thought he could come up and give me a taste of moonshine on stage." "That sounds awesomely illegal, let's bring him up." "Comes in a jar, you have to drink it out of a jar." "Do I... do I drink the whole jar?" "Is that..." "No, no, no, no." "That would be a very different Harmontown." "Be careful." "Be careful, stop it." "Well, I'm proud to be from Nashville" "In the birth of the music scene" "I'm drinking white like the thunder" "And you know my mother knows what you mean" "I got Elvis on my left side, got some Beatles on the right" "Yeah, I gasped a little bit, 'cause you... have you ever drank moonshine before?" "No, no." ""It's good."" "The second sip tastes better than the third." "Wait, I mean, oh, wait." "No, it's like, you know, you know what it tastes like, and I don't mean to..." "I gotta tell you, it tastes like a fight with my girlfriend." "It tastes like..." "it tastes like tonight," "Erin and I are gonna have a fight." ""You could probably run your car on this."" "So, they're offstage, DD begins." ""Time to bring up our Dungeon Master," "Spencer Crittenden, bring him up." "You got the dance girlfriend, Maureen Saldana."" "Do you remember DD though?" "Can you fly?" "You're a wizard, right?" " A lizard?" " A... a..." "A wizard." "I'm sorry, Dad, I've had a lot to drink." " Well, you..." " Can I have your moonshine?" "Can I take your moonshine?" "Oh, God, oh, God." "All right, dude, this is where we left off." ""Dan, are you okay?"" ""Yeah, yeah, sure..."" "I just remembered that this happened." "I'm so embarrassed." "Like, what... do we lift it for the Podcast listeners?" "Or what?" ""Let me keep workin' the crowd, I'm sorry."" " What's your name?" " Hailey." "Hailey, how do you know you're finished?" "Yeah..." "Dan it seems like you're afraid of human connection right now." "Yeah, yeah." " What's your name?" " Matt." " Matt, I don't think so." " I just feel like you're..." "Workin' the crowd, workin' the crowd." "You're glossing over real humanity out there, Dan." " What's your name?" " Jonathan." "These poor people in Nashville, just watched a guy, like, drink himself into oblivion." "It's not fair." ""Holy shit, that moonshine fucked me up bad."" "I apologize to everybody, honestly." "All your money will be sitting in a pile, you can just take whatever you thought tonight cost you." "I mean, either my job is to get that drunk and be really entertaining, like either I'm John Belushi, or, like, I'm unprofessional, you know, I don't think" "I have it in me to be John Belushi." "Self ridicule at the end of the station" "I can't take it no more" "I feel like a bad person" "Terrible, watching this happen" "Come on down to Harmontown" "Turn your frown upside down" "Bitch" "Just revising history." "If you were in the Nashville audience, you... you know a secret." "You know that man can fail." "I'll allow myself to stay deluded, and think that people that were at the show had a good time, but it felt like... a warning shot over my personal shoulder," "I don't..." "I don't wanna be guilty of doing that again." "I think you owe... you owe people who make a five hour drive, a certain... a certain something." "Something personalized, something real." "Last night in Nashville, the episode is only just being uploaded." "I almost hope none of you heard it." "Control was lost, things broke down." "My drinking was unforgivable, and I want to start with this confession to you, as an editor of Harmontown," "I've never made more shame-based edits..." "I was editing things because I was like, I, I," "I sound like a monster, and I don't want anyone or their mother to hear it." "All right, maybe we could solicit somebody's help, like," "I need to form a relationship with the audience everywhere I go, so, I want somebody to tell me, like," "I'm gonna close my eyes, who..." "Let's all..." "let's all leave." "I would notice." "All right, who... who is in the most pain tonight?" "Like, the most devastating, maybe not physical, maybe emotional..." "A... a hand went back up there." "Would you be willing to come up and talk to us?" "We never bully anybody, are you... are you... would you..." "It's okay to say no." "I have a situation called alcoholism." "All right, me, too." "And I was just really hoping that Dan Harmon would make me a drink." "That's not the cure for alcoholism." "Eddie..." "Eddie, what are you most afraid of?" "Being a failure." "I would have said spiders." "You just... spiders... you're just a badass with spiders?" "I'm okay with spiders, I hate snakes, though." "Okay, snakes and being a failure." "Megan, what's up with you?" "I work in an office, and I don't get along with anybody there." "What's keeping you from connecting with people?" "That's good." "I'm not a very nice person." "My parents got divorced like four years ago, which, you know, I was surprised by it, like, it usually doesn't happen that much later in a person's life." "I remember my Dad trying to talk to me about our parents' separation, and me getting so embarrassed." "My Dad doesn't even talk about that sort of stuff, or anything real, for that matter." "All right, Maya, what's your biggest ambition, what's your biggest dream?" "Well, that puts you on the spot, doesn't it?" "It happened." "Oh, really... you're like me, you've lived your dreams?" "Like, I had a TV show, I got fired from it, they finally caught up... no, I wasn't fishing for that," "I wasn't fishing for that!" "Stop it." "It's not what I..." "Mommy, why did NBC fire me?" "Snakes." " Snakes." " Snakes." "No!" "Wow, well that explains everything." "We're not so different, Eddie Geller." "These Harmonians, they've all been around for a great, long time, feeling pent up, and ashamed, and disconnected." "They're just a bunch of people that really want to like each other, because they sense that kindred spirit." "We know what a Harmania is now, we know that no matter what city you go to, no matter what job they occupy, we know that a Harmanian is a... a nerd full of love." "And so... what do you do with that?" "Best fuckin' group in the world." "Hello." "Ladies and gentlemen, Jason Sudeikis is here." "So when a new political figure comes on the scene, and you kind of look like that person, is it like the greatest day of your life?" "Where you're like..." "oh, I fucking got Biden." "It's a long way from, you know, just Chevy Chase just going out there and falling down, or like..." "Well, we'll never get back there again." "Jimmy Kurt." " By the way, can I..." " Oh, that's right, you know him." "I..." "I texted him, "I'm doing my show in Brooklyn tomorrow night, are you in New York?"" "And three hours later, he texted back the word, "Country."" " It's..." " How'd he spell it?" "He does have a voicemail, right?" ""Hi, this is the stand in for Chevy Chase."" ""At the tone, please record your message."" "Joe Biden, Joe Biden leaves a message." "Joe Biden message." "Hey, Chevy, it's Joe Biden, Vice President." "I just want to say, we thank you for being a great patriot and, have fun in the country, we... we hope you're... the country you always want to go back to, though," "is America." "All right, there we go." "It's a pretty low-stakes prank." "We're not exactly The Jerky Boys." "Also, he has your phone number in his phone." "That's true also, I forgot." "It's not gonna say Joe Biden." "It's not exactly the perfect crime." "It's gonna say, "Fat, alcoholic asshole,"" "or whatever he has me in his phone as." "Should we bring out Spencer at this point, Dan?" "Yeah, yeah, let's bring Spencer out." "Jason has no... he's never heard the show, he doesn't know." "Standing ovation for Spencer." "I wasn't asking for it, I was recording it." "Spencer is our Dungeon Master, he plays Dungeons  Dragons." "Oh, great, great." "After facing down a nigh-naked foe, with a wicked whip, the party gained access to a room full of lockers." "They found treasure from a lute of charming, to some beads of force, to some magic arrows." "Using a magical staff they found, the party ascended through some sort of hatch in the floor." "I fire a single arrow, I use all of my focus, and also, I'm really beautiful while I'm doing it." "At this point, you've accrued many magical arrows, so which one, you've got non-lethal arrows, good-lined arrows, sleep arrows..." "You have this memorized," "I don't understand what's happening." "I'm a Dungeon Master." "Amazing... that's amazing." "Oh, shit." "I'm takin' high fives, I'm takin' all these high fives." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Give him half... give him half of the high fives." "Here, those are from those guys." "There you go, yeah." "Yeah!" "He had your guy's weapons, and names memorized..." "But also... and he remembers it all, and he writes it all down." "It's amazing..." "I did not know this." "A friend of us said that, "You know, the day he came, he'd been listening to your Podcast, and he said," "'You know, I wanna go see Harmontown, because" "I really feel like I should play" "Dungeons  Dragons with Dan Harmon.'"" "He came to the show with the intent of meeting him and being..." "and doing DD with him." "That's incredible." "Gonna do a low stakes, gentle stage dive" "Just gonna go up to the edge and make it come alive" "Gonna crawl like a little dog paddle" "Gonna just go out there and it's gonna be like a raffle" "Like very, very careful" "Very careful" "Everyone's gonna be fine" "Everything's gonna be fine" "Come on down to Harmontown" "Turn that frown upside down" "Wait, I gotta go backwards." "Pee is yellow, poop is brown" "Come on down to Harmontown" "Space, cosmos, sea of humanity" "Rockin' through, I want to do reality" "Fuck your momma, fuck your daddy, fuck your dad" "Holy shit, I feel like shit down in Baghdad" "Worship with me, worship my ass" "Dan had never floated before on a crowd." "It's a really exhilarating feeling." "And it's a perfect metaphor for what this is." "It's just... he's a giant, rich, hairy, toddler." "He smells, he's got B.O. from the bus." "Just going, "Can you guys paid $23, could you just carry me around the room with your love?"" "That's insane." "He could do no wrong." "That's a transformative feeling, like, like, it's like a trust exercise, it's like it was fucking people holding you up, and they're all nerds, you know, they all failed gym." "Holy shit." "Amazing." "Dan has been on such a..." "such an immense high." "There's so many people who came out, who were so kind and so responsive and so loving, and..." "And, I love you, and thank you so much, 'cause..." "He has given hope to all of us who are self-destructive and who are depressed, and who are anxious, and who don't fit into normal society, and makes us not feel alone." "See you at the bar." "I just really want to thank you for, especially, Abed," "I..." "I was diagnosed with Asperger's like, about a year before the show came out." "Oh, I'm so jealous, I mean..." "I just need to hug you for that." "It's not... it's not an easy diagnosis to score." "You helped me stand up for myself, and I never wanted to say that to you directly, because I'm a chickenshit." "Every hero gets what they want, but the big question is, what do you do with it?" "You got where you thought you've wanted to go, but, so what?" "Dreams come true." "Dreams come true in Brooklyn." "Community's a wonderful show, he's a tortured genius, and a wonderful eye for talent, for DMs, like..." "Take care." "Spencer signed my D20." "Can you take a picture of us and Spencer?" "Yeah." "Radical." "You want me in the middle, or..." "In the middle, Spencer, I love you, you're the greatest." "Thanks." "All right." " What's your name?" " Chris." "Chris, nice to meet you." "I love your DM style, it's fantastic." "We just love you." "You wrote a Tumblr post a few days ago that got a lot of attention." "Oh, yeah." "And in it you kind of identified yourself as an introvert." "Do you think that this tour has helped you socially or has it hindered you, has it hurt you?" "I think most of the essence of it is that I don't make small talk very well, but I've kind of had to because people just stand near you." "There's a picture that you painted in that post of what it's like after the shows." "It's not something that I was like," ""Oh, sign me up, I'd love to do that," you know?" "Yeah." "I'm not someone who smiles very often, like, at all." "It doesn't mean I'm not happy." "I just don't smile." "Initially, every time people would ask me for signatures and stuff, and for pictures, it would make me really happy, and so it would be genuine." "But at some point, I noticed that when people would approach me and say hi to me," "I'd just, like, put on a smile." "I wasn't compelled to smile, but did it anyway because it seemed like the right thing to do in the context." "And, um, this whole trip is trying for everyone on some level, and it's also a very public situation." "So it just kinda amplifies all of that energy." "Hello." "Hey, Dan, I have the studio and network ready for the Notes call, if you're ready." "I'm all set, thanks." "Hello?" "Hello, hey guys." "How are ya?" "I'm good, thank you." "Good." "Well, we really enjoyed the script." "Oh great, it's great to hear." "But, of course, we have comments." "So we'll share them." "The first thing is super small, on page 2." "We just wanted some short description of Tammy." "And when Spencer is, sort of, trying to tell him, you know," ""Oh, okay, I did it with your mom,"" "it just seems like, I don't know." "It seems just weird." "Okay." "On 43, we didn't know what urban zing was;" "Is that a thing?" "Jack wasn't actually trying to say anything about her mom." "Oh, it was sort of like a "your mother" kinda thing?" "Yeah." "We didn't get that." "On 45... on 48..." "small thing on 52... 54." "It's just the tiniest note ever." "Got it, got it." "And the last thing, when he starts singing the song, we just didn't get why this act on his part would turn her." "Like, why would that show her why she should stay?" "Right, got it." "So that's all we got." "Okay, great." "Um, hurry up." "When do you need this, guys?" "Can you do it now?" "Stay up all night if you have to and get us something tomorrow." "Yeah, I..." "I..." "I get the message." "Thank you, sir." "Okay, bye bye." "Thanks, Dan, bye!" "Uh, yes I'll get started immediately." "Right after I go do a show." "Yeah, any time you're ready, Hosni." "All right, all right, all right." "Chevy's barely in this one." "Hurray!" "We're not that at all." "We thought you were talking about index finger." "All right, cold open, fade in, anthropology classroom." "The classroom is in full..." "Dan and I went through a valley where we weren't talking to each other for a year." "But I knew he was doing something with Sony and NBC, and more often than not, these things never go anywhere." "I went through a lot of ups and downs and things, and I just kept writing pilots and eventually one stuck and that was Community." "You're lucky, Jeff, it's not too late for you." "Have a family." "Share your life." "Pierce, who did you call last week after you farted on Vaughn?" "You." "And who Abed call up when that squirrel stole his hot dog?" "Me." "That's sharing your life." "If you have friends, you have family." "If you look at Community, it is full of hope and it is full of people, like in real life, who are broken, who are trying to do better." "And I think that speaks to a lot of people who sometimes feel overlooked, or lost, that you can really create some kind of community." "Probably most favorite person, Dan Harmon." "When I pitched the show, I was pitching the story of a guy who, like me, had gone to community college." "I was pitching a very meta story about an asshole that learned to love strangers." "There has been this dialogue in this love letter between our fans and our show because they're the ones who have kept us afloat for many seasons." "Season three was a bit of a heartbreak for a lot of us that worked on Community because it was the first time that we were snatched off the air." "What was the period like, sort of, when you didn't know when these episodes were gonna come on?" "It's... it's inconceivable to say this and believe it, but I started drinking more." " What?" " You did?" "The show's always been pretty chaotic, and, you know, the end of season three was not the first time, on the show, that we didn't have a script." "He's working for a business at the end of the day, like, it's a business." "I think it's... to people who work above me," "I am a..." "I am a liability that... that isn't worth the benefit." "What does that mean?" "Low rated show that's not generating much revenue." "Well, let me ask you, did you... did you see it coming?" "That you were gonna be, like, fired?" "I always joked about it." "Maybe I... maybe they got the idea from me." "It was stressful, and when everything happened, it, um, it was hard." "It was very hard for everyone." "I could imagine that creating these characters and then not being able to see them on their way would probably be devastating." "And he might've felt like he had let himself and everybody else down." "Why do you do this to people?" "Why do you hurt them?" "Why do you let them count on you and let them down?" "Ah." "I can't stay mad at you." "So, Alex, Dan and Erin were about to talk about a little spat they had today, which I know nothing about." "Maybe you could counsel them right now through this." "Maybe you could mediate through... through this crisis." "Yeah, I'd like to hear about it." "So, I was talking to two fans about glassblowing, foregoing the opportunity to write a TV show, being a hero, really." "Right, of course." "My girlfriend comes up to me and she says, "Uh, I don't know, uh, if you wanted to go or if you don't want to go, but the van's leaving."" "I was also listening to them about glass and the lightning striking the sand and that making, like, these big branches of glass and things." "It was cool." "And I was tired, so I was like," ""Oh, I'm gonna let Dan know that I'm gonna go." "Maybe he'll wanna go too." "I love him, love him dearly."" "There's another van..." "van, van, van, van, van." "And I don't care." "I'm talking to guys about glassblowing." "And you love glassblowing?" "Well, I did that night." "Like, really think about it." "Like, my first question was," ""Do you just take a bunch of sand and heat it up?" "Does it turn to glass?"" "The answer's no, Jeff." "Dan's big thing is don't tell me what to do." "You can't tell Dan what to do." "You can't tell Dan what to do." "Like, I mean, you can, but it can get pretty fucking uncomfortable." "So then what happ... the thing that really causes the fight is... is the tour manager comes up to me and says, "Hey, Dan, so there's a van leaving now and there's a van leaving in 15 minutes." "Which one do you want to be on?"" "And when I see him telling it to Erin," "I was like, "Huh." "You hear how easy that is?"" "It's rude." "Yeah, well, fuck you guys." "And then I went back to the hotel room and I was crying in the bathroom." "I would've been..." "I would've been up here tonight teaching motherfuckers how to blow a bottle outta dirt." "He has the ability to, like, really perfectly succinctly word things that cut right through you." "It escalated from there and Dan, uh," "Dan tore me a real good one." "He said a lot of mean things to me, including the C word." "And made me feel pretty worthless." "So, in a roundabout way..." "So, by applause, should they break up or stay together?" "We're staying together no matter what." "That's the problem." "I'm never gonna leave her and if she leaves me, I'll kill myself." "Before you did the tour, were you considering the implications that even just the stress of being on the road might have on your relationship?" "Um, I mean, it makes total sense." "Like, my dad who's a preacher, when we were growing up, he would not be around sometimes because he would be at someone's house praying with them or he would be staying after church and I remember, like, feeling really jealous." "Because I was like, "Gosh, if I was a stranger," "I feel like he would give me more attention right now."" "I fucked your mama till she had no body" "This tour is Harmontown." "So it's about him." "Everyone's focus is on him, so he is also just totally focused on him." "So if I'm upset about something, like, it really is just my problem." "I'm a God" "I'm a God" "This is Harmontown" "Let's hear it one more time for the mayor, Mr. Dan Harmon." "Again, if you bought anything, I will sign it." "I won't leave until every last fucking scrap of your shit is signed." "That's... that's my curse and my gift." "I love you all." "Thank you, Arlington." "And, uh..." "I told 300 people that you called me a cunt and now thousands." "Yeah, that was the best you could do." "That... that... that hot button makes 'em go, "Ahh"." "That was not the best I could do." "I could've said more." "I didn't say everything." " Well bring it." " No." " Tell 'em." " There's no point." "No, there's no point." "Well what did I say that was so bad?" "It's not what you said." "It was some things that you did." "Yeah." "No, you would... yeah." "Not necessary." "It's more, uh, nuanced." "I definitely tend to relive the same relationship cycle over and over again." "I think my mom probably formed my opinions about women." "Everyone's mom is the first woman they meet, and their dad is the first man." "So, you're like, "Okay, here's how men and women interact."" "My dad would hit us with a belt if we had a felony offense." "My mom handled the misdemeanor offenses with more, just, kind of, spontaneous slaps across the face." "My only recourse in that household were some of the craziest people there were." "And I catch myself being incredibly, like, abusive to Erin, like verbally and emotionally." "Like, when she starts to remind me of my mom, like, the idea of, "Now she's got notes on my behavior." "There's always a new way for me to improve the way I deal with her."" "And I turn into this, if I've had enough drinks in me," "I can turn into a..." "like, bone-chillingly, dispassionate Hannibal Lecter, Kevin Spacey in Seven." "I shift into this persona that is sociopathically, kind of, gleeful at the, kind of like, disconnection that I feel..." "you know what I mean?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "'Cause you can feel the..." "when I'm looking at someone like they're an insect, you know?" "Like, I turn everything off." "There's no conscientiousness, like, standing between me and saying something with the direct intent of, like, humbling someone." "The abuse is in the behavior." "It's the... it's the glare and the, like, the just flaunting, like, the fact that I don't feel anything." "You said backstage something about the idea, like, that you like the tears." "There's a part when you're in that mode." "When I'm way overboard, yeah." "When she finally starts to cry, and then I..." "I feel something inside me goes," ""Uh, delicious tears." "Jackpot."" "Put them on a cupcake." "Cry until you can't anymore." "Then..." ""Sorry, I probably went a little overboard, honey." "Let's think twice before we give me an adjustment."" "You... you actually enjoy it, or like, do you actually feel..." "No, no, no." "It's all about defensiveness." "It's about being threatened." "You become..." "I..." "I... if I'm a child and I feel like my mommy is trying to get away with something coming at me, like, I need to win." "I need to defeat." "I need to defend myself." "I don't want..." "I don't want anyone to have to deal with the fact that I sometimes can be incredibly cruel." "Over the last 20 years I've begged and pleaded, every expert I can find, to flip the switch and make me never ever do that to another human being again." "I want to be the activated healthy version of myself." "I want my cathexis to be stripped away." "I want what remains to be someone capable of changing the world." "And, uh, more importantly, I want to remove this part of me that can do so much damage to the most important people in my life." "Yeah, go ahead." "I'm gonna hit the merch table." "Well, that was... that was weightless, right?" "They got their money's worth." "I..." "I don't..." "I can't think of anything that I have left that I have to hide uh, from people that I'm doing a show for." "All of this honesty, all of this talking about turn-ons and turn-offs, and pet peeves, and kinks." "What is that..." "why is that important?" "What's the best you could hope for... when you're doing that?" "Knowing that you're a dick doesn't make it okay." "Wonderful... it's a beautiful thing to see a dick admit he's a dick." "It's fantastic 'cause it's usually followed by someone... someone not being a dick anymore." "Growing up." "So now we have this new thing in our society with ear cameras, and blogs, and Tweets, and reality shows, and no wars." "We have, uh, 250 million manchildren... figuring out what makes them a dick and celebrating it and nobody growing up and not being a dick anymore." "I don't get to be a hero anymore." "I have to deal with the fact that" "I've gotten everything that I want." "I have to grow up." "I have to be a grown up." "I need to jump onto this pilot and complete it in time to..." "I mean, I'm already kinda fucked, but if I can get them something," "I might still have a chance of being one of the candidates." "This is something that I can probably get Erin's help with, and it'll help me to talk to somebody else." "And she might enjoy that." "Next note is, "It's when he kinda lays into her in this final big monologue, and he says, 'Bad news." "You well-organized judgmental cyborg types that manipulate people to get everything they want, you don't tend to create much of anything." "So you'll always need people like me." "Great news though, you get to have everything else.'"" "And their question was," ""What does he mean by everything else?"" "And then I said, "Oh, cars and houses and success and power." "You get to have everything but creativity."" "Oh." "So can you list those things?" "Money, power, control, private islands where you hunt humans for sport." "All right, done with that." "Okay, last note is actually probably the toughest of the bunch." ""Jack starts singing the song." "Why would this act, on his part, turn her?"" "What if he says to her, like, "You can't... you can't turn your back on your passion, on your art form."" "Yeah, uh, she needs to say..." "She says, "Well, like you..." "like you did?"" "Yeah." "That means he'll change, right?" "Mm-hm." "Um, then there's announcement for the bus." "She stands up, looks down at him." ""You're not gonna change, Jack..." "Dad." "That's your whole deal, right?" "You don't change for anybody." "You get to have your integrity and everyone else gets to have everything else." "See ya."" "She starts to walk away." "Mm-hm." "And that means he'll change." "Yeah." "It means he's capable." "Depending on where you put thresholds and calls to adventure and whatnot, uh, we're closer to the end than the beginning." "Also, I've been struggling with a... with an epic realization that I am the villain of this story." "And if that's the case," "I think that Spencer..." "Spencer Crittenden, my own dungeon master, may be the hero." "He's certainly a hero." "He has been plucked from the security of his parents' basement and whisked across the threshold into a strange land to which he has adapted." "Going down a road of trials, dealing with drunk dicks and adoring fans." "He's met with the Goddess of Unconditional Appreciation, and all of this has only caused him to realize how... how alone he will always be." "It's very heroic sounding stuff." "Much more heroic than, uh, than me." "Which makes me realize that I must kill Spencer or he must kill me." "So, um, Spencer, if you're watching, prepare to be destroyed." "You're saying, story structure-wise, he's on a journey." "He's meeting the outside world." "He's coming to grips with other people and what that means about him." "So we're gonna find out that he's the hero of this, like..." "And that makes me, like, Jafar." "I didn't mean to say it like Christopher Walken, but." "It's Jafar." "That makes me, like, Jafar." "Yeah it is." "Aladdin." "You seemed a little sad in your blog." "I just get depressed." "I mean, I've always got depressed when nothing happens, when everything's happened, when good stuff happens, bad stuff happens." "Yeah, you... you said, "Everyone could appreciate me, but no one, you know, no one can understand me."" "Yeah." "Like, like that realization, giving me full permission to be who I am, and then you're like, "Oh yeah, who I am is still alone."" "I think those, just, personal relationships seem to be the most important." "But, um, I don't have very, very many." "I'm just saying, like, people want you to be who you are." "You're a hero to them because of your incorruptibility." "They like the... they like..." "they like what they see." "They've liked what they've seen for a long time." "Everybody that I've ever talked to since the first time we had you up on stage was going, like, "Do you realize what you have here?" "Like, what..." "how did this happen?"" "It was like, magic, you know?" "Like, going limp and letting shit happen." "Like, the show was open to this guy that wanted to dungeon master... being our dungeon master." "Here's the thing that, I think, saves me every time, and I think saves all the people out there." "I truly believe, about myself and about every single person in that audience, that they want other people to be happy." "You can be selfishly motivated, that's ego-driven, but that's as good as ego-driven gets is when you go," ""I want to be the guy who makes people happy."" "Good job, baby." "Everything's gonna be fine." "Higher." "Hi." "Well, that's it." "Um, this is the moment when it really sinks in that we're... we're done and that we did it." "We did a little tour." "All right, Harmon, I think it's time to bring this train right into the station." "And talk about what we learned?" "It's so sad." "It's a bummer." "Have we grown at all as people?" "I think we have." "I know I have, you guys." "From this one show that I've joined you on." "The show, it just dissolves, and everybody's in the show." "Like, we prove there's no show." "And then the audience embraces there's no show." "And the show gets to be, kind of, this crackpot of weird ingredients that happen to be there that night." "It's, kind of, marvelous to me, like, in the sense that I marvel at what goes on and how completely different it is every time." "As I close down the show" "I wonder how to grow" "In Harmontown" "Where pee is yellow, and poop is brown" "I see a sea of hands" "Across this fair land" "Reaching out for Harmontown" "I see Brooklyn coming at me with style" "I love everyone here" "I see their eyes and their smiles" "And I just wanna reach out to them and welcome them to Harmontown" "That's it." "I mean, we're pretty much done now." "It's almost like a new start." "It sounds pretty contrived, but that's really how I feel about it." "Honestly, no joke, getting to know you is my favorite part of this tour." "That's so awesome, man." "I really can't imagine Harmontown without you in it." "You're a centering force." "You... you're the world's narrator." "You're okay." "You too, man." "When people come up and go, "I was sitting in my apartment, surrounded by pizza boxes and mannequin legs of my own." "I thought there was something wrong with me." "My next door neighbor didn't like me." "I felt like every time I opened my mouth," "I had to lie because I don't like what's inside of me." "And then I heard your podcast or I saw your TV show and something about it made me feel like I didn't have to be ashamed of myself anymore." "And it's made me more able to express myself and it's made me able to do what you're doing, which is find other people who don't mind what I'm saying."" "I'm a human being!" "We did it, America." "Whoa oh oh" "Whoa oh oh" "Whoa oh oh oh oh" "Ah!" "We did it!" "See you soon, buddy." "Now, now." "I'll see you in a couple days, right?" "Can I get a Dan Harmon hug too?" "Sure." "Oh, thanks for everything." "They grow on trees." "I feel like I'm never gonna get the chance to do this again." "I mean, it's not everyday that someone who's rich and famous pulls you out of obscurity and just lifts you up on a pedestal." "People imagine themselves being rock stars so they can have a life like this." "And all I had to do was be a nerd as a child." "Hello!" "Hey, welcome home!" "Hey, I'm home." "Did you miss me?" "Oh, of course." "The great Spencer." "I hope that I'll approach life differently, you know, after this whole thing." "I don't think people are really as aware of our mistakes as we are and we just think and live in fear that everyone's judging us." "But they're just doing their own shit and worrying about that everyone's judging them." "So, in light of that, it's like I don't have to worry about myself as much because people just kinda enjoy what I'm about." "I mean, I very much hope that I can apply what I've learned to the rest of my life." "But, I don't know." "I'm a pretty stubborn person." "We're back in my bed." "Back with my kitty, who I missed very much." "So, um, now that it's all over... um, tell me what you learned." "I, uh... tried too hard for an audience that wanted me to... just exist." "I have just been drunk for an audience that didn't mind." "I came clean as much as I had dirt left." "There's not much more to me than a guy that just wants people to like him." "I learned that I have effects on people." "I have effects on strangers that admire me." "I have effects on 23 year old dungeon masters whose lives are not yet fully formed and therefore can be sucked into the gravity of mine." "Um, and, uh, that's a... that's a... that's a good thing for a guy like me to be able to have effects on people." "That... that means that it's up to me." "I'm 40 years old." "I hafta, like, become responsible." "And, uh, I can move on to whatever the next step is." "From Hollywood, California, Harmontown..." "Hey!" "If it seems like I'm taller, they've raised the stage here at Meltdown." "It's... it's not just because I got my job back." "I'm not, like, floating." "Wonderful, let's do that one more time." "I'm, uh, I'm on Community." "I'm on Community." "Do you need to..." "I'm sorry." "Thanks." "Superstar's gonna go away." "He's too good for us now." "We... we knew you when you were nobody." "Son of a bitch." "Let's go on the bell and let's roll." "All right, here we go." "Yeah." "Ready and action." "Hello." "What do you think happens after you die?" "I don't know." "You're lucky." "All right, cut that right here." "Guys, that's it." "Fix your wrath on Spencer." "All that matters, at the end of it all, is the content on the screen for these 13 episodes." "Doesn't matter what time slot we have." "Doesn't matter what our ratings are." "I have to just work, and, uh, make the show good." "For me, it's a way of reaching out, touching people, making them happy." "And, uh, that's, uh, that's the best kinda therapy I can get."