"Good morning, your Highness." " Happy birthday, your Highness." " Yes, it is my birthday." "Oha, it is my 21st birthday." "Do you think, just once, I might use the bathroom by myself?" "Most amusing, sir." "Wipers!" "The royal penis is clean, your Highness." "His Highness must be very excited today." "Today is your 21st birthday." "It means you meet your wife-to-be." "How can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?" "He certainly is quiet this morning." "He looks sad." " Is something troubling you, my son?" " No, Father." "I'm more than the exalted ruler of this land and master of all I survey." "I'm also a concerned dad." "Well, Father ..." "Just a moment." " What is he doing?" " It looks as if he's coming here." "Wait right there, Akeem." "Rose bearers!" "Akeem." "Come sit." "Now, my son ..." "Have you grown a moustache?" "Jaffe, it has been a year." " So, what is it, my son?" " First of all, things like this." " Like what?" " The rose petals." "You're the son of a king, why shouldn' you walk on the petals of roses?" "But if there were no rose petals, I would still be the son of a king." "Then it is settled." "From this day forth, anyone who throws roses at my son's feet will answer to me." "It is not just that, it is everything." "The cooking, the pampering, the dressing, the bathing ..." "Actually, I rather enjoy the bathing, but I'd like to cook for myself, dress myself, wipe my own backside." " And why can't I find my own wife?" " Aha!" "So that's it?" "We've gone through a lot of trouble to select for you a very fine wife." "Since she was born, she was taught to walk, speak and think as a queen." "But what if I don't love her?" "It's normal to feel anxiety about meeting your queen." "When I met your father, I was terrified." "I must admit, I was frightened, too." "I was so nervous, I became nauseous." "But over the years, I have grown to love your father very much." "You see, my son, there's a fine line between love and nausea." "I understand, but when I marry," "I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am." " And who are you?" " A man who's never tied his shoes." "Wrong!" "You're a prince who's never tied his shoes." "I tied my own shoes once." "It is an overrated experience." "Good morning, your Majesty." "It's another beautiful day in Zamunda." "And, Semmi, what is it now?" "You look especially radiant today, your Grace." "I was remarking to my mother the other day what lovely skin the Queen has." "Semmi, don't you have somewhere you should go?" "Yes, I was about to take the birthday boy for his daily workout." "Excuse me, Father." "And Mother." "Have a good day, my son." "Akeem, what happened to the rose bearers?" "Let's see if you can defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon's balls." "So you can have a woman who will obey your every command, but you'd rather have a woman who has an opinion?" "Only dogs are to obey." "If you love your wife, you'll value her opinion." "Hippopotamus shit!" "You're the heir to the throne of Zamunda." "Your wife need only have a pretty face, firm backside and big breasts." "So you would share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautiful fool" "That's the way it's always been with men of power." "It's tradition." "It's also tradition that times must change." "Get your Royal Engagement T-shirt!" "Step up and get your Royal T-shirt!" " These really are delicious." " Yes, thank you." "Your Majesty." "I am Colonel Issy." "And today, with your blessing, I offer my daughter to your son." "My blessing is granted." "Let the courtship commence." "Pardon me." "Step aside, please." "Coming through." "Excuse me." "Out of the way!" "Greetings, great Prince." "Presenting Miss Imani Issi." "She's your Queen-to-be" "A Queen-to-be forever" "A Queen who'll do whatever" "His Highness desires" "She's your Queen-to-be" "A vision of perfection" "Ah object of affection" "To quench your royal fire" "Completely free from infection" "To be used at your discretion" "Waiting only for your direction" "Your Queen-to-be" "May I talk to you alone for a moment, please?" "Excuse us for a moment." " So ..." " Am I not all you dreamed I would be?" "You're fine." "Beautiful" "But if we're going to be married, we should talk and get to know each other." "Ever since I was born, I have been trained to serve you." "I know, but I'd like to know about you." "What do you like to do?" "Whatever you like." " What kind of music do you like?" " Whatever kind of music you like." "I know what I like, and you know what I like, 'cause you were trained to know, but I would like to know what you like." "Do you have a favourite food?" "Good!" "What is your favourite food?" "Whatever food you like." "This is impossible." "I command you not to obey me." "No." "Are you saying that no matter what I tell you to do, you will do?" "Yes, your Highness." " Anything I say, you'll do?" " Yes, your Highness." "Bark like a dog." "A big dog." "Hop on one leg." "Make a noise like an orang-utan." "I see the two of you are getting along." "Excuse me, Imani, for a moment." "Fine girl, isn't she?" "I told you not to worry." "Father ..." "About this wedding ..." "The guests are waiting, your Majesty." "Let them wait!" "I'm talking to my son." "Come." "Let's go for a stroll." "Hello, Babar." "Time flies." "It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed, and now you're a man who's about to be married." "She will give you much pleasure, don't you think?" "I'm not sure if I'm ready." "I know we never had a talk about this, but I always assumed you had sex with your bathers." "I know I do." "It's not that." "I'm 21 years old, and I have never left Zamunda." "I have yet to experience what the outside world has to offer." " So you want to sow your royal oats?" " No, it's not that ..." "You're right!" "Get out, see the world." "Enjoy yourself." "Fulfil every erotic desire, and in 40 days, you will marry Imani." " But, Father ..." " it is settled." "May I have your attention, please?" "The wedding will proceed in 40 days." "You may go home now." "Good night." "Oha." "Prepare the royal baggage." "My son is going on a trip." "Prepare the royal baggage!" "This trip is an excellent idea." "40 days of fornication." "Semmi." "I have something else in mind." "I intend to find my bride." "What is wrong with the one you have?" "Didn't you want to rip her clothes off?" "I want a woman who will arouse my intellect as well as my loins." " Where would you find such a woman?" " In America." "The land is so big, the choices so infinite." "Where shall we go?" "Los Angeles or New York?" "We'll let fate decide." "Heads, New York." "Tails, Los Angeles." "We go to New York." "But where in New York can one find a woman with grace and elegance?" "A woman suitable for a king." "Queens!" "Mr Frank Oznowitz." "Please pick up a white courtesy telephone." "No one here can know I am royalty." "I must appear as an average man." "I will not say a word." "Halt!" "You dumb fuck!" "Take us to Queens at once." "Do you want to go to Queens?" "Rich fellows should be in Manhattan." "Stay at the Waldorf or the Palace." " Take us to the Palace." " No, I want Queens." "And we're not rich." "We're ordinary African students." "Whatever you say, pal" " What part of Queens do you want?" " Take us to the most common part." "That's easy." "If there's one thing Queens got a lot of, it's common parts." "What does "dumb fuck" mean?" " Is this shitty enough for you?" " Yes, this is perfect." "Fascinating!" "Semmi, look at this." "America is great indeed." "A country so free, one can throw glass on the street." "You must be out of your goddamn mind!" "Listen." "Real Americans." "Sugar Ray Robinson's the greatest fighter that ever lived." " What about Joe Louis?" " "The Brown Bomber"." " That was a great boxer." " You're damn right." "I suppose nobody in here ever heard of Cassius Clay." "He's got a point." "Cassius Clay was a bad motherfucker." "I ain't saying Clay ain't bad." "I stopped liking him when he changed his name to Muhammad Ali." "Wait a second." "Wait a second." "A man has the right to change his name to whatever he wants to change it to." "And if a man wants to be called Muhammad Ali, you should respect his wishes and call the man Muhammad Ali." "His momma named him Clay." "I'm going to call him Clay." " I say Clay." " Get out of here." "He'll always be Clay to me." "I don' care what he change his name to." "Well, then you're a putz." "The three of you." "Three putzes." "You should change the name from "My-T-Sharp" to "The Three Putzes"." " What the fuck do you want?" " We desire a room." "You'd better not be wasting my time." "You got money?" "Come on in, gentlemen." "Yo, man!" "Get the big bag." "Excuse me if I was brusque, but we get boo-boos in here without a dollar." "Obviously, you gentlemen came in on another boat." " We seek meagre accommodations." " Excuse me?" "We require a room that is very poor." "Hey, Stu." "Your rent's due, motherfucker." "And don't pull that falling down the stairs shit on me." "You're conscious." "Every month, the same damn thing ..." "Here we are." "There's only one bathroom on this floor, so you have to share it." "Got a bit of an insect problem, but you boys from Africa are used to that." "And don't use the elevator." "It's a death trap." "This is the place that I was telling you about." "It's real fucked up." "The window faces a brick wall." "I used to rent it to a blind man." "It's a damn shame what they did to that dog." "We will take the room." "Yes." "Behold, Semmi!" "Life." "Real life." "A thing that we have been denied for far too long." " Good morning, my neighbours!" " Fuck you!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Fuck you, too!" "I suspect that these are the people that have stolen our luggage." "Do you want to buy some toothbrushes?" "I've got some real fly personal hygiene products, and a hair-dryer." "Thief!" "Stop thief!" "Come back, thief!" " Semmi, let him go." " Those things belong to us." "It's good we're rid of those things." "Let them wear our princely robes." "We're in New York now." "Let us dress as New Yorkers." " I feel like a complete idiot." " Don't be ridiculous." "You know, you can be all the things you've always wanted to be." "Beautiful, sexy ..." "One, two, three ..." "Soul Glo." "Perhaps I should cut off my prince's lock." "You're out of your mind!" "Joe Louis is the greatest boxer that ever lived." "I'll be with you in a minute." "He was better than Clay, Sugar Ray and that new boy" " Mike Tyson." "He was better than him, too." "He'd whip all their asses!" " What about Rocky Marciano?" " There they go." "There they go." "Every time I talk about boxing, a white man pulls Rocky Marciano out his ass." "That's their one, that's their one." ""Rocky Marciano, Rocky Marciano!"" "Let me tell you something." "Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit!" "He beat Joe Louis' ass." " He did whop Joe Louis' ass." " Joe Louis was 75 years old!" "I don't know how old he was, but he got his ass whooped." "Joe Louis came out of retirement to fight Marciano." "He was 76 years old." "Joe Louis always lied about his age." "Once, Frank Sinatra sat in this chair." "I said, "You hang out with Joe Louis." "How old is he?"" "Frank said, "Joe Louis is 137 years old"." "Oh, man." "You ain't never met no Frank Sinatra." "Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you!" "Who's next?" "What's that?" "Some kind of weave or something?" "It's my natural hair." "I've been growing it since birth." "What kind of chemicals you got in there?" "None, only juices and berries." "That ain't nothing but Ultra-Perm." "How do you want it cut?" "Just make it nice and neat." "That'll be 8 dollars." "Tell me, Semmi." "Honestly ..." "How do I look?" "It is time to find your queen." "I've got a secret." "I worship the devil" "See, that's the problem." "I can't find a man that can satisfy me." "Some guys go an hour, hour and a half." "That's it." "A man's got to put in overtime for me to get off." "I'm not interested in a man unless he drives a B.M.W." "Well, you know, baby, I'm almost single." "My husband's on Death Row." "This is the first date Teresa and I have been on since the doctor separated us." "I'm into the group thing." "I was Joan of Arc in my former life." "My name is Peaches And I'm the best" "All the D.J. S want to feel my breasts" "I want to work in videos, but I want to be my own star in the video, because I want to be a pop singer, a rock singer, and write my own songs." "And then I'm going to try an actress, 'cause people tell me I'm a natural" "Then I'm going to write and direct my own stories, produce the movies ..." "I hope you don't mind me coming over and sitting down." "But I've been watching you all evening, and I want to tear you apart." "And your friend, too." "Does every woman in New York have a severe emotional problem?" "I doubt we will ever find your queen." " Mr Clarence." " The boys from Africa!" "How are you?" " Where can one find nice women here?" " You've got to get out and look." "We've been to every bar in Queens." "You can't go to no bar to find a nice woman." "You've got to go to nice places, like the library and church." "Or this place, where I'm going tonight." "The Black Awareness Rally." "There's going to be some fine women there." "Clean girls." "I didn't come here to preach to you today." "But when I look at these contestants for The Miss Black Awareness pageant," "I feel good, 'cause I know there's a God somewhere." "There's a God somewhere." "Turn around, ladies." "You know there's a God who sits up high, and looks down low." "Man cannot make it like this." "Larry Flint, Hugh Hefner ..." "They can take the picture, but they can't make it." "Only God above can make it for ya." "These are the best women Queens has to offer." "Pick one, and let's go home." "Be patient, my friend." "Do you love him?" "Do you feel joy?" "Say "joy"!" " Joy!" " Joy." " Joy!" " Joy!" " Can I get a "Amen"?" " Amen, brother!" "Don't be ashamed to call his name." "Yes, Lord!" "Only God can give that woman that kind of joy." " Make a joyful noise unto the Lord." " Joy!" " I am very happy to be here." " Amen!" "Can I get a "Amen"?" "I don't know what you've come to do, but I've come to praise His name." "Lord, Lord ..." "Girls, you can leave now." "Thank you very much." "There's a God somewhere." "I've got a special treat for you this evening." "A young man, that you all know as Joe the policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma"." "I want you to put your hands together and welcome him to the stage." "A big round of applause for Jackson Height's own" "Mr Randy Watson!" "Randy Watson." " That boy's good." " Good and terrible." "And Reverend Brown." "He's been my reverend since I was a little boy, and I love him dearly." "You're a very special man." "Reverend Brown!" "Reverend Brown." "It feels so lovely to be here tonight." "Give yourselves a round of applause." "Give a big round of applause to my band, Sexual Chocolate." "Sexual Chocolate." "They play so fine, don't you agree?" " Some of the good stuff?" "Coming up." " Do you want a Coke?" " Enjoying the show?" " Enjoy, young man." "Sexy Chocolate!" " Goddamn, that boy can sing." " You must be crazy." "Put your hands together for Mr Randy Watson." "Yeah, one more time!" "Randy Watson, how about it!" "Before we go any further, I'd like to thank Mr Cleo McDowell, who's responsible for the fine food and beverage here tonight." "Cleo, I know you're proud of your daughters." "We are, too." "Please welcome one of the organisers of tonight's festivities." "Miss Lisa McDowell." "Lisa, come up here, baby girl" " Work in a plug for the new salad bar." " I'm not mentioning the restaurant." "At least give them the address." "Someone ought to put you on a plate and suck you up with a biscuit." "Black Awareness Week is an opportunity for self -expression." " May we leave now?" " No, wait." "... express himself through song." "In his own unique way, but ..." "The song makes a good point." "The children are our future, and it's up to all of us to provide a place where children can express themselves." "We need to rebuild Lincoln Park." "Ushers are passing with donation baskets, so please - give all you can." "We're happy to get the kind of money that jingles, but we'd rather get the kind that folds." " Donations." "Donations!" " I thought it was the trash." " Stupid ass." " I'll whip your ass." " You tar-black motherfucker." " There's women here." "Calm down." "Thank you." " She is wonderful" " Akeem ..." "You can see Lisa, and Mr McDowell, at McDowell's Restaurant, 8507, Queens Boulevard." "Your first job every morning will be to sweep this walkway." "Then I want you to wash all the windows." "Real good, too." "And don't leave no streaks." "What are you doing?" "Get the hell out of here before I bust that camera!" "Me and the McDonald's people, we've got this little misunderstanding." "See, they're "McDonald's"." "I'm "McDowell's"." "They've got the golden arches." "Mine are the golden arcs." "They've got the Big Mac." "I've got the Big Mick." "We both got two all -beef patties, sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions." "But they use a sesame seed bun." "My buns have no seeds." "I've got it." "You've got to mop the food-prep area twice a day." " Do you know how to mop?" " Yes, of course." "There you go." "Don't use the bucket." "It'll just confuse you." "When you get through here, you take out the trash." "Come with me, I've got an easy job for you." " Hi!" " Hello." "Hello." "Hi ..." "I am Akeem." "It's nice to meet you, Akeem." "I've been placed in charge of garbage." "Do you have any that needs disposal" "No, it's totally empty." "When it fills up, don't be afraid to call me." "I'll take it out urgently." "That's good to know." "When you think of garbage, think of Akeem." "Well, I have to get back to my sanitation duties." "Maybe we will have a chance to talk again on a professional level" "Goodbye, Akeem." "Darryl You're looking sharp." "How about a Mick-Shake?" "I believe strawberry is your favourite." "Straw." "Lisa's in the back." "She's waiting for you." "Come on." " How's everything at Soul Glo?" " Fine." "Our home weave products are really taking off." "Dad isn't using the tickets for the Jets game." "I thought you might enjoy them." "That's very considerate of you." "Thank you!" " Lisa!" "Look who's here, honey." " Hi!" "You two kids have a good time, you hear?" " Ready?" " Sure." "I want to ask you something." "At the rally, someone stuck a large amount of cash in one of the boxes." "You wouldn't happen to know who that was, would you?" " Well, I ..." " I thought it was you!" "You know me." "Anything for the kids." " Hi, guys." " Hello." "I got four tickets to the St. John's game." "Maybe your sister can bring someone." "Take care of this, will you?" " Excuse me." " Hey, it's Kunta Kinte." "What can I do you for?" " Can you make my hair look like this?" " Why would you want that?" "I like your hair, it's natural" "I wish more children would wear their hair natural, like Martin Luther King." "You ain't never seen Martin Luther King with no messy curls on his head." " I met Dr Martin Luther King once." " You're lying, you ain't never met him." "I met him in 1962 in Memphis, Tennessee." "I'm walking down the street minding my own business." "I walk round the corner, and a man hits me in the chest." "I fall on the ground." "I look up, and it's Martin Luther King." "I said, "Dr King." He said, "Oops, I thought it was someone else."" " You never met Martin Luther King." " He knocked me over." " No, he didn'." " Yes, he did." "Why do you worry about how you look?" "I'm trying to gain the interest of a certain young lady." "I ain't heard no woman give no man no lovin' 'cause his hair looks good." " That's right." " Is this an American girl" "You got to go through her papa." "People don't know that about American women." "Ain't nothing to do with your hair or your pocket." "You get in good with American woman's father, you in good with her." "Get in good with the father, you home free." " Home free." " Like a bird." " Mr McDowell." " What is it?" "Sir, did you catch the professional football contest on television last night?" " No, I didn'." " It was most exhilarating." "The Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay." "The Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong pigskin ball through a big "H"." "It was a ripping victory." "Son, and I'm just going to tell you this one time." "You want to keep working here, stay off the drugs." "Yes, sir." "I don't know how it is in Africa, but here rich guys get all the chicks." " He must work very hard." " The Prince of Soul Glo?" "No way." "He lives off his father's invention." "He can buy her anything he wants." "How are you going to compete with that?" "I'll get it." " Delivery for Miss Lisa McDowell." " I'll take it, I'm her sister." "Would you sign here, please?" " What is it?" " Something for you." "Do you mind if I open it?" " Do you think they're real" " They couldn't be." ""From an admirer." "Not Darryl"" " Somebody's messing around." " I am not." "I don't care how much a man admires you." "He's not giving you earrings like that unless you've given him booty." " Not everybody thinks like you." " They do, but they don't admit it." "Do you realise I have not had sex since we got to America?" "Semmi, look." "There she is." " I'm going to talk to her." " Good." "Tell her you sent her the 500,000 dollar pair of earrings." "She will fall into your arms, and we can leave this god-forsaken place." " I cannot do that." " Do something." " Do not worry, I have a plan." " To mop your way into her heart?" " That's not fair." " Nor is me doing manual labour." " I'm badly in need of a manicure." " Listen to you ..." ""I'm badly in need of a manicure."" "Are you going to say something?" " Hey, Akeem!" "This is my sister, Patrice." " Hello, how are you?" " Akeem's from Africa." " What are you doing in New York?" " I'm a student." " What school are you going to?" "I go to the University." "Which one?" "The University of the United States." "I've never heard of that." "It's a very small university." "We don't even have a basketball team." "Really?" "We've got an extra ticket for the St. John's game." "Want to come?" "Yes." "You can double -date with me and Darryl" "In his face!" "In his face!" "Yes!" "In the face!" "Why don't you take off your jacket, Akeem?" ""Put it in the face," right?" "I like this." " Isn't that better?" " Yes, thank you very much." "Wearing clothes must be a new experience for you." " Are you able to follow the game?" " Oh, yes!" "I'm following the game quite well." "What kind of games do you play in Africa?" "Chase the monkey?" "No, we play football." "I believe you call it soccer." "Yeah, right." "Soccer." "That's a real cute sport." "Especially the way you bounce the ball off your heads." "I don't like any sport where you don't use your hands." "Yes!" "Yes!" "What are you doing?" "It's just the half-time?" "This is my favourite part of the game." "Will you excuse me for a moment?" "Excuse me." "I'll be back in a minute." "Oh, my goodness!" "Oh, my goodness, it is you!" "I cannot believe it." " Greetings, your Highness." " Please, stop bowing." " I am a loyal citizen of Zamunda." " You will spill your beverages." "This is the greatest day of my life." "It was very nice meeting you, too." "Excuse me." "Please!" "Please, may I just have my picture taken with you?" "I will cherish this experience for the rest of my life." "For the rest of my life." " Who was that?" " Just a man I met in the restroom." " Why don't you quit this job?" " Because I like it here." "But you're my lady." "My lady doesn't have to work." "I'll take care of you." "Get you anything you want." " What can I get you?" " Nothing." "I'll get you some ... coffee." "I'll be right back." "Hey, Akeem." "Did you have a good time at the game?" "Yes, I did." "I hope Darryl didn't offend you." "He can be pretty obnoxious." " He cannot help it." " Sit down, take a break for a minute." "You're an unusual guy." "I've never seen anybody take so much pride in mopping a floor." ""He who would learn to fly must first learn to stand and walk."" ""One cannot fly into flying." That's not mine, that's Nietzsche's." "That's what I mean." "The guys that work here don't quote Nietzsche." "Everybody shut up and do what I say." "Get the money out!" "Stay cool, nobody gets hurt." "Take the money out!" "All of it." "Don't stall me, fat boy." "Let's go." "Come on!" "You're wasting my time." "Come on!" "Anybody move, I'll blow your fucking head off." "What are you looking at, buddy?" "Come on!" "Stop stalling." "Come on." "Don't stall me." "All of it!" " Come on!" " Excuse me for a moment." "It would be wise for you to put the weapon down." "Who is this asshole?" "Please refrain from using any more obscenities in front of these people." "I've warned you." "I'll be forced to thrash you." "Fuck you!" "Freeze, you diseased rhinoceros' pizzle." "Hey, fellas." "I'm real proud of the job you did in there today." "We've been hit by that guy five times, but I don't think he's coming back, thanks to my African connections." "Leave Sunday night open." "I'm having a get-together at my house." "You see?" "He has accepted us as equals." "OK, fellas." "Give them a ticket, take their keys and park the cars down the street." "When you're finished, come inside and help out in the kitchen." "Akeem, I want to show you the inside of McDowell's little castle." "This here is my showplace." "It pretty much speaks for itself." "When I grew up, nine of us lived in a shack no bigger than this room." "And look what I have today." "I only wish Mrs McDowell could have lived to see it." " You have a fine house, sir." " Thank you." "In 20 or 30 years, with hard work, maybe you could have a place like this." " That would be something." " Wouldn't it?" "This is where you're going to be working tonight." " Ever open a champagne bottle?" " I have seen it done before." "Make sure you keep all the glasses full." "I'd better get dressed." "Make yourself comfortable 'til the guests arrive." "I love the Lord." "Do you understand what I'm saying?" "I love the Lord." "And if loving the Lord is wrong, I don't want to be right." "Hi, Mike." "Good to see you." "Enjoy, drink up." "Lots more where that came from." "Hey, Randy!" "Good to see you." "Watch out for this guy." "Big Ed, my man!" "You know, I can appreciate the way you handled that dude with the gun." "I would've helped you out, except ..." "I had a cup of coffee in my hand." "You understand, right?" "I bet you learnt all that stuff fighting lions and tigers and shit." "Yes, where I'm from, we have to be very aggressive." "I'm all for that." "Especially with women." "They may not admit it   but they all want a man to take charge." "Tell them what to do." "That's one of the things I want to talk to you ..." "Darryl, your mother gets lovelier every time I see her." " Cleo, I'd like to talk to you alone." " Sure." "Excuse us." " Mum, Dad, Grandma ..." " Sure, son." "I like the fries better at McDonald's, but I'd never tell Mr McDowell that." "Make sure everybody's glass is kept full." "We're about to make a very special announcement." "May I have everyone's attention, please." "Mr and Mrs Jenks, would you join me?" "Mother Jenks, you come up here, too." "I've just heard some news that makes me a very happy man." "Semmi, please ..." "Champagne." " Thank you." " Thank you." "Okay, get going." "Get out of here." "Go on." "As you know, Darryl and Lisa have been going together for quite some time." "I'm pleased to announce that Darryl just popped the big question." "And Lisa happily accepted." "So as it turns out, this has become an engagement party." "Amen!" "Praise the Lord." " Married?" " To the bride and groom." "To the bride and groom!" "To the bride and groom." "I want you and that young man to tie that knot." "I'll pray for you." "And I want you to hold on to God's unchanging hand." "'Cause he helped Joshua fight the battle of Jericho." "And he helped Daniel get out of the lion's den." "He helped Gilligan get off the island." "Lord!" "I want to talk to you, now!" "The next time you and my father plan my life, let me in on it." " It's not like ..." " Don't touch me!" "But baby, it's our engagement party." "Thanks." " Would you like some champagne?" " No, I don't feel like celebrating." "Wait." "Sit down and keep me company." "If you're going to hang out with me, you've got to loosen up." "I can be loose." "See?" "Much better." " Are you all right?" " I'm fine." "But I won't be pressured into marriage, not by Darryl, my father or anybody." "I understand." "In my country they arrange marriages, but no one should marry out of obligation." "You're right." "How could I even have considered marrying a guy like Darryl" " I wondered the same thing." " He made me so furious back there." " Do you think I overreacted?" " The first reaction is often correct." "You're very easy to talk to." "I feel like I could tell you anything." "Hey, Akeem." "We need some more champagne over here." "I almost forgot that I was here in a domestic capacity." "Thanks for listening to me, Akeem." "I really appreciate it." "Anytime, Lisa McDowell." "Hey!" "Be careful" "I think my sister likes you." "Semmi!" "Semmi." " Come, you're going to be late for work." " So what if I am?" "We cannot anger Mr McDowell." "Things are going so well with Lisa." "I do not care." "I'm not going to work today." "Yes, you are going to work today." "I'm sick of living like a peasant." "Look at this filth." "Do you want to live better?" "Fine." "Fix this place up." "But you are going to work today!" " Hello!" " Hi!" "I started on clean-up just like you guys, but now ..." "See, I'm washing lettuce." "Soon, I'll be on fries." "Then the grill." "In a year or two, I'll make assistant manager and that's where the big bucks start rolling in." "Just two years, huh?" "Maybe I've stayed with him because everyone expected me to." " You must be tired of my problems." " No, not at all." "I feel like I owe you a favour." "Come to my house and I'll fix you dinner." "Patrice will be there." "Let's go to my house." "I'd like to cook for you." " You cook?" " I dabble a little, yes." "Great!" "Tell you what, I'll buy the groceries." "Fine." "But I have to warn you." "My home is very poor." "I don't care about that." "I'd love to see where you live." "Welcome to my humble abode." " What's wrong?" " Nothing's wrong." "Everything's fine." "Excuse me for a moment, please." " What have you done?" " You told me to fix up the place." "I should kill you!" "I'm supposed to be a poor man." "Akeem?" "Akeem." " Is everything all right?" " Everything is fine." "Excuse me, I have to tidy up." "What are you doing?" "For God's sake, do not take my pocket money." "If you have no more money, you can cause no more mischief." "You are being unreasonable." "If you have ruined my chances with Lisa, I will never forgive you." " I'm very sorry." " Can we go in now?" " No, we cannot." " Why not?" "There's a big rat inside." "I think there is no rat." "You're so ashamed of your apartment you can't even let me see it." "Once again, you have judged correctly." " If it bothers you, we can go out to eat." " That would be much better." "Excuse me for a moment, please." " What did you give him?" " I just gave him some pocket change." " Randolph ..." " Leave me alone, Mortimer." "Randolph!" "Randolph!" " I'm still not talking to you." " Look!" "Mortimer, we're back." "Yeah!" "To America!" "Why did you come here?" " To find something special - it's a long way to travel" "No journey is too great, when one finds what he seeks." " Does everyone in Africa talk like you?" " Why, do you not like it?" "I love it." "It's nice to be with a man who knows how to express himself." " Thank you!" " Thank you very much!" "Let's have lunch." "You have the most amazing effect on people." " No, I don'." " Take the guy at the basketball game." "People love you." "I bet where you're from, women throw themselves at your feet." " Why do you say that?" " You have an inner glow." "You're above anything petty." "It's almost regal" " What did you do back home?" " I was ... in the family business." " What's that?" " Goat herding." "Yes, yes." "Does it surprise you?" "No, it's just that you seem so educated." "The life of a goat herder is easy, the goats take care of themselves." "Which leaves a man with a great deal of time to read." " Please, let me." " No, I should pay." "Akeem, I wish you'd stop worrying about being poor." "If I wanted a wealthy guy, I'd be with Darryl" "Not you." " Would you like to dance?" " Yes." "What about Patrice?" "I'm not interested in Patrice." "What about Darryl" "I'm not interested in Darryl, either." " Do you actually want to send this?" " Why?" "What is wrong?" "Read it to me." ""To his Majesty King Jaffe Joffer, the Royal Palace, Zamunda."" ""Sire, Akeem and I have depleted our funds."" ""Kindly send 300,000 American dollars immediately,"" ""as we are in dire straits." "Your humble servant, Semmi."" "Semmi." " Should I make it 400,000?" " Do you think that'll be enough?" "You are right. 500,000." "As long as you're asking, why not go for a cool million?" " Don't you think that's too much?" " Nah." "Okay, what's going on?" "Patrice ..." "I came to see Akeem." "What are you involved in?" "You can't afford this on your salary." "Someone to kiss Someone to miss" "When you're away Through here, gone each day" "To be loved, to be loved Wow!" "What a feeling" " Quiet!" "People are trying to sleep." " Some wish to be a king or a queen" " Some wish for fortune and fame" " Shut up!" "But to be truly, truly, truly, truly loved it must mean all of these things" "Someone to care Someone to share" "Lonely hours and moments of despair" "To be loved, to be loved Wow!" "What a feeling" "Semmi, I just had the most wonderful ..." "Hi, Akeem." "Semmi told me everything." "Sorry things didn't work out between you and me, but you understand." "Goodnight, sweet prince." "Remember, you must not tell a soul" "Your secret is safe with me, your Highness." "Bye ..." "If you're the prince, then who am I" "My servant." "They smell good." "Darryl must be spending a fortune on flowers." "Stay out of this, Dad." " Where are you going?" " To a museum." "With Akeem." " I don't like that one bit." " What's wrong with Akeem?" "You told me yourself." "He's a goat herder." "Why don't you marry Darryl He dresses nice, he treats you good." "You only like Darryl because he's rich." "I don't want you to have to struggle like your mother and I did." "I know." "Bye, Daddy." "Come in." " You boys wanted to see me." " We would like to change apartments." "Goddamn!" "What the hell have you done in here?" "My friend Semmi has altered the apartment, so we would like to change." "This stuff ain't hot, is it?" "No, but I'm bringing a young lady up, and she can't see me living like this." "I'll let you boys stay in my apartment and I'll move up here." " Does your apartment look poor?" " It's a real shithole." "You'll love it." "Here are the keys." "It's apartment 1A." "Downstairs." "First floor." "Thank you, you're too kind." "Semmi, move our things." "I have a date with Lisa." "Isn't that wonderful" "Who in the hell is that?" "What's up, brother?" "You're a little late for the Christmas pageant." "I'm King Jaffe Joffer, ruler of Zamunda." "Have a seat." "Chair number two will be ready in a second." "This is beautiful What is that - velvet?" "I have come for my son Akeem." " Who?" " You know, Kunta." " The boy upstairs." " He live upstairs on the fifth floor." "Who's going to clean up the flowers?" "You may enter." " You are not Akeem." " I know that." " What is this?" " A photograph." "What is this "McDowell's"?" "It's a place over on Queens Boulevard." "I think he works there." "My son works?" "!" " Where is he now?" " He moved to apartment 1A." "Your Majesty." "What are you doing here?" "I received your telegram." "Where is Akeem?" "He went out." "How was your flight?" "Comfortable, I trust." "Your job was to look after Akeem." "How could you let this happen?" "Akeem will not listen to me, he's gone quite mad." "Semmi ..." "You've disgraced yourself, and you must be punished." "You will confine yourself to our royal suite at the Waldorf-Astoria." "See that he puts on some decent attire." "And bathe him thoroughly." "Thank you, your Majesty!" "Look, Zamunda!" "That's where you're from, isn't it?" " What's it like?" " It's the most beautiful place on earth." "The people are very friendly, and you ..." "You, they would treat like a queen." "People will see us." "Then let them see." "Lisa ..." " Let us go." " Now?" "Yes." "Right now." "Darryl, come by the house tonight." "About 9 p.m." "Lisa will be home by then." "Don't worry about it, we'll work something out." "Okay, see you later." "There's some people here to see you." " Are they from McDonald's?" " I don't think so." "What can I do for you?" "This is King Jaffe Joffer, ruler of Zamunda." " He's searching for his son Akeem." " Your son?" " Yes, my son, the Prince." " Prince?" "Are you serious?" "Prince Akeem is the sole heir to the throne of Zamunda." "I knew there was something special about that boy." " Can you tell us where he might be?" " He's out with my lovely daughter Lisa." "I'm staying at the Waldorf-Astoria." "When you see him, call me." " I'll tell him you're here." " No." "Do not alert him to my presence." "I shall deal with him myself." " For your trouble." " Thank you, your RoyaIness." "A prince!" "Wait!" "We cannot go in." "Why not?" "Wait in the car." "I will be right back." " We must leave." " I don't care about the apartment." "It's not that." "I feel like I'm rushing you." "No, you're not." " It's better if we take our time." " But I want to." "It's better if I take you home." "Look who's here!" "Akeem, it's good to see you." " It's good to see you, too." " Have a drink." " I have to get going, Mr McDowell." " You have time for one drink." "Get out of here, dog." "We don't spend enough time talking." "Perhaps some other time, I have to get going." "Sit down, I'll be right back with that drink." "King Jaffe Joffer's room, please." "Hello, King." "Cleo McDowell here." "Both the kids are here, together." "2432 Derby Avenue, Jamaica Estates." "Right." "King, I was wondering if ..." "Hello, King?" " I really have to go, sir." " No." "Have a seat right here." "Did you want ice in that?" "Excuse me, I'll be right back." " Who was that?" " Jehovah's Witness." "Excuse me." "She doesn't like you anymore." "Get that through your greasy head!" "But you told me to come over." "Now, where were we?" "I warned you, didn't I?" "Dottie, get him!" "I appreciate your hospitality, but I have to get going." "You can stay a little while longer." "I just put some delicious hors d'oeuvres in the oven ... son." "Let me go see if they're ready." " Lisa, I must leave." " Is something wrong, Akeem?" "I'll tell you when the time is right, but now I must go." "Tell your father goodbye for me." " Where's Akeem?" " He had to leave." " He can't leave!" " What is going on?" "And why are you so nice to Akeem all of a sudden?" "I like the boy." " What are you up to?" " What?" "Nothing." "A man's got a right to change his mind." " Daddy ..." " You two make a beautiful couple." " Daddy ..." " He's a real fine young man." " Dad!" " Okay, Lisa." "He's rich." "He is rich!" " What?" " He's got his own money." "When I tell you he's got his own money, I mean the boy has got his own money." "A prince." "He's a prince!" "Lisa, you did it this time." "You hit the jackpot!" "Your goat herder makes Darryl look like a welfare case." "I will get out here." "That'll be nine bucks." "Good news, Akeem." "We've been rescued." " Where are my parents?" " They've gone to the McDowell's." " Come with me." " Where are we going?" "Back to Queens." "Look who's here!" "Come in, come in." "Welcome to Casa de McDowell's." "Come right in." " Where is Akeem?" " He just stepped out." "Probably went for a pizza." "You know these youngsters." "This must be your lovely wife." "How are you today?" "Very well, thank you." "I don't know whether to shake your hand, kiss it or bow or what." "I feel like break dancing." "Come in, have a seat, take a load off." "Your son ought to be back in a minute." " Try the Lazy-Boy." "It's comfortable." " It's very nice." "Put your feet up." "Here you go, King." "Try one of these pigs in a blanket." "They're the frozen kind, but you'd never know it." "You told me my son was here." "My daughter Lisa might know where he went." "They've gotten quite close." "Where is your daughter?" "I must speak to her at once." "Lisa?" "There's someone here to see you." "This is Akeem's father." "The King!" "Leave us." " I understand you're seeing my son." " I was seeing him." "So you know about his wife in Zamunda?" " He's married?" " No, but he will be soon." "We've already chosen his bride." "So you see   he cannot be serious about you." "Akeem came to America to ..." "sow his royal oats." "Excuse me, I need to be alone." "Are you comfortable, Miss ..." "I'm not sure what to call you." " My name is Cleo." " Nice to meet you." "My name's Aoleon." "Aoleon." "Aeolon ..." "Lisa, where are you going?" "I want you to meet the Queen." " Are you all right, my dear?" " I'm sorry." "I have to get out of here." "What's the matter, baby?" "What did you say to my daughter?" "The truth." "That Akeem could not be interested in her." " How can you be so sure?" " Our son can't consort with such a girl" "Now, wait a minute!" "Oha ..." "You have been inconvenienced, and I'm prepared to compensate you." " Shall we say 1 million dollars?" " No way." " 2 million." " You can't buy my daughter off." " Nonsense!" " Jaffe, apologise to Mr McDowell." "I will not." "The man is beneath me, and so is his daughter." "I don't give a damn who you are." "This is America, Jack." "You say one more word about Lisa, and I'll break my foot off in your ass." " Pardon me?" " What's everybody yelling about?" "Their son, the Prince, loves your sister, but the King can't handle it." "No, he's not." "The Prince is in love with me." " Are you all right?" " Yes, Mother." "I'm fine." "Why are you hugging him?" "He's just the servant." "He's the Prince." "Who told you that?" " You mean Akeem's the Prince?" " Yeah, and he's in love with Lisa." "How come she always gets the good ones?" " Where is Lisa?" " Your daddy ran her off." " What did you tell her?" " It is of no consequence." " We shall return to Zamunda at once." " I will not leave without Lisa." "So you do care for her?" "Mother, I love her." "Then go after her." " Akeem!" "I forbid you." " Put a sock in it, Jaffe." "The boy's in love." "Darryl, what happened?" " Lisa dumped me." " I know." "You poor thing." "The first thing we have to do is get you out of these wet clothes." "Stop!" "Lisa!" "I will be fine by myself." "Lisa, please." "I did not mean to hurt you." "Well, at least I know who gave me these." "You can keep them, 'cause I don't want them   and I don't want you." "Just leave me alone!" "Lisa, please." "I love you." "What about the woman you are supposed to marry?" "I don't love her." "Why do you think I came here?" "Your father told me - to sow your royal oats." "I came to America to find my bride." "I came to Queens to find you." "So why did you lie to me?" "Why didn' you just tell me you were a prince?" "I wanted you to love me for who I am." " I'm not sure who are." " I'm the man you fell in love with." "Should it matter that I am a prince?" "It shouldn', but I ..." "Say you never loved me, and I won't bother you again." "It just wouldn't work out, we're too different." "You're royalty, for God's sake." "Do you want me to renounce my throne?" "I will." "I renounce my throne." "I am no longer the Prince of Zamunda." "I renounce my throne!" "Does this make you happy?" "I can't let you do that." "I do not care about my crown." "All I care about is you." "Marry me, Lisa." " So, what do you think?" " Go on, honey." "Take a chance." "Look, I'm sorry." "I can'." "Goodbye, Akeem." "If you're really a prince, I'll marry you." "Look at it this way." "At least we learned how to make French fries." "You're still not speaking to me." " I only want our son to be happy." " And so do I." "Aoleon, please." "It is out of our hands." "The girl told him no." "After the way you treated her, who could blame her?" "Even if she said yes, they still couldn' marry." "It's against the tradition." "Well, it is a stupid tradition." " Who am I to change it?" " I thought you were the King." "Your Highness." "We have not come to that part yet." "Your Highness." "Your Highness!" "Would you really have given this up for me?" "Of course." "If you like, we can give it all up now." "Nah!" "Wait a minute, wait a minute!" "Stop right there." "Listen!" "Stop right there a minute." "A man goes in to a restaurant." "Are you listening?" "A man goes into a restaurant." "He sits down and has a bowl of soup." "He says to the waiter, "Come, taste the soup"." "The waiter says, "Is there something wrong with the soup?" "Taste the soup."" ""Is the soup too hot?" "Will you taste the soup?"" ""Is the soup too cold?" "Will you just taste the soup!"" ""All right, I'll taste the soup." "Where's the spoon?"" "What do you know from funny, you bastard?"