"What have you got for us, Boris?" "It's a teenage boy." "Found in Greenwich Park last night." "It's a messy one." "It's the messy ones we're interested in, my friend." "Give us a moment to pay our respects, Boris." "Do your thing, Mina." "What is it?" "It was Luke." "It looked like he was dead." "# Who's cooking monsters in the kitchen?" "# Who keeps a knife tucked in her clothes?" "# Who keeps you nervous?" "# Like screaming motorcycles" "# You keep the fire burning" "# I'll keep the water running #" "I save Mina from being blown up." "I save you and Galvin from drowning in a sewer." "No chocolates, no flowers, nothing." "I don't think Galvin's big on thank yous." "What's she staring at?" "Nice." "Very subtle." "Who is she?" "I've never seen her before." "Would you put your tongue away?" "Maybe she's staring cos she likes what she sees." "Oh, please!" "Yeah?" "Watch this." "I wouldn't if I were you." "I swear that's been there since last week." "Lasagne on a Monday." "Are you crazy?" "They take all the meat from last week, mince it up." "That's what's in your lasagne." "In your expert opinion, is there anything safe to eat?" "In this place?" "Forget it." "So, why are you in the queue?" "I'm thirsty." "I think I'm dehydrated." "Baked potato." "Hmm, good choice." "Haven't seen you around before." "New, yeah?" "Can I sit with you?" "This whole thing about the food, the charming, witty banter, do you practise it?" "No." "Trust me." "You really need to." "Seriously..." "Ouch!" "Professor Lambert." "Hi." "Rupert Galvin." "Mina Harker." "We spoke on the phone with regard to this pictogram and what it might mean." "It looks like Sumerian." "Sumerian?" "Really?" "I'm not familiar with Sumerian?" "Not many people are." "It's a Middle Eastern language." "It dates from about 2500BC." "Do you think you could... find your way around translating it for me?" "Well, I can certainly give it a try." "Thank you." "Attractive, isn't she?" "Very." "Here we go." "It symbolises vengeance or revenge." "But it's more specific than that." "It's avenging an act perpetrated against a member of your family and the vengeance must be paid in blood." "Every half-life that's ever crawled through a sewer is gonna be baying for Luke's blood." "Step." "Well, that narrows it down." "I think it's time we went to pay old big ears a visit." "Charming." "This place stinks." "Hello, Luggs." "You." "What do you want?" "I wanna know if you've heard anything about Luke Van Helsing." "What's the word around the sewers?" "There is no word." "I don't hear nothing!" "Now, that's the problem." "You stop hearing things, you start losing your privileges." "You're just another half-life who needs grading and smiting." "Are you hearing this?" "There's nothing to hear." "What do you want me to do?" "Leave the equipment alone!" "Argh!" "Ow!" "Get off!" "Don't touch my ears." "There is one thing." "I did hear one thing." "Really?" "Talk." "I did hear a rumour that someone's after the Van Hesling boy." "Helsing." "Who?" "Well, it's just talk." "I don't know." "Let me ask around and I'll give you a call." "You find out who it is for me... ..or I'm gonna slice you up and turn you into a dwarf salami." "Hey, what's up?" "I was in the neighbourhood." "Thought you might like a ride home." "Cos that sounds like the sort of thing you do." "It's 100 metres." "Come on, admit it, you were missing me." "No." "Race you." "I won." "How's college?" "Something is definitely up." "It's not a complicated question." "It's you." "You're making small talk." "You don't do small talk." "You have no idea of the things I do and don't do." "I didn't know we were dating." "That is a really horrible thought." "Have you noticed any half-life activity?" "Seen anything suspicious?" "Here we go." "I ain't seen a thing." "What's going on?" "Well, there's a rumour going round that a half-life's coming after you." "I'm the last Van Helsing." "Aren't they always after me?" "This is different." "So I want you to stay home." "You lock your doors and don't go out for anything." "See, now you've got me worried." "Well, it's just a precaution till we know what we're dealing with." "OK." "Oh, Luke, if you see anything suspicious, you let me know." "Are you all right, goddess?" "What do you want?" "Let me borrow your phone." "I need to call my girl." "I'm not gonna lend you my phone." "You'll nick it." "You're calling me a thief, yeah?" "Don't make me hurt you." "I know kung fu." "Come on, then." "Get off!" "Show me your moves." "Get off!" "You know nothing." "Lads, seriously, three of you hassling one girl?" "Is that not a bit embarrassing?" "Is it?" "And what are you gonna do about it?" "I know kung fu." "Man, what is this?" "Are you two in some kung fu club or something?" "No, seriously, I know kung fu." "Actually, it's more a blend of various martial arts." "Who is this guy?" "How about we all just walk away, yeah?" "You three go that way and we'll go this way." "How about it?" "I'm gonna mess you up, man." "I told you I could do kung fu." "You all right?" "Hi." "I'm Luke." "From the canteen?" "The thirsty guy." "Which way are you going?" "I'll walk you there." "So I didn't get your name?" " That's cos I never said it." "Right." "So what is it?" "Look, you really don't have to walk me home." " It's fine." "So, how come you just started at college?" " I just moved here." "If you need someone to show you round, I'll be your tour guide." "I'm from up north, but I know pretty much everything there is to know about London." "OK, so what's that building?" "I have absolutely no idea." "What about that one, do you know what that is?" "Nope." "That one?" "Well, it's not Buckingham Palace." "Some tour guide you are." "Hey, at least I know Kung Fu." "I have to go." "So what is your name?" "It's Alice." "See you at college, Alice." "Hello, Luggs." ""This better be good."" "Oh, it is." ""I'm on my way." See you in an hour." ""OK."" "You know the place?" ""Yeah."" "Yeah." "Luggs?" "You fungus-faced dwarf." "You don't want to keep me waiting, my friend." "Oh, dear." "What is it?" "It's Luggs." "He's toast." "Rupert..." "Mina, run!" "What the hell was that?" "Alice!" "Hi." "Hi." "How's things?" "Any more trouble on the mean streets of London town?" "No." "Are you doing anything later?" "I thought maybe we could go out." "I've got plans." "Tomorrow?" "I'm busy." "Thursday?" "I can't." "How about the weekend?" "OK." "I get the message." "I'm going now before this gets any more embarrassing." "Luke!" "Meet me here, five o'clock." "I thought you had plans?" "I guess they just changed." "I thought I told you to stay home?" "I've got to hand in an essay." "That makes me feel so much better, knowing you risked your life to stay on top of your homework." "Get in." "What's this?" "This is your new home." "You've got to be kidding?" "Do I look like I'm kidding?" "Last night, we had a close encounter with the half-life that's after you." "Staying here is the only way we can guarantee your safety." "It's only until we find it." "Look, I'll stay at home." "I won't go to college." "I won't go out." "I'll do anything." "But I won't live down here." "That is a really dumb move, Luke." "Yeah, well, it's my life." "You don't have a life." "You have a job." "You're no use to us dead." "I'm sorry to hear my death would be such an inconvenience to you." "Ruby, it's Galvin." "I've got a little job for you." "Hiya." "What's up?" "You wanna hang out?" "I've got pizza." "What?" "Did Galvin tell you to keep an eye on me?" "No." "Since when does Galvin ask me to do anything?" "If you ask me, he's sexist." "Let's watch telly." "No, I can't." "Why not?" "Are you going out?" "No." "I've got college work to do." "I'll give you a hand." "I don't need a hand." "I just need to get on with it." "American hot with extra pepperoni." "Your favourite." "I already ate." "Well, how about I watch telly while you do your work?" "I can't concentrate with you here." "Go eat your pizza somewhere else." "I can't eat all this by myself." "Do you know how many calories are in one of these?" "I don't care." "Do you want me to get fat?" "Yes." "See you." "Killjoy." "Have you found anything yet?" "Nothing so far." "OK, so we got a teenage boy killed in Greenwich Park." "Could be its hunting ground." "Maybe we should stake it out." "We could always use Ruby as bait." "It looks fine." "Hi." "So Mr Tour Guide, what's the plan?" "Do you want to go to the beach?" "Come on." "That's it, I've found it." "It's a harpy." "Grade ten." "Nasty." "Why is it after Luke?" "Do you want some sun block?" "Does it look like I'm burning?" "We should have brought our swimming stuff." "I'll get us some ice-creams." "Fancy seeing you here." "I can't believe you lied to me." "You said you were doing college work." "You lied to ME." "Because I didn't want you following me." "This wasn't my idea." "I was just looking out for you." "So, is this like a date?" "You're leaving right now." "You can't make me." "This is a public place." "So embarrassing!" "You can tell Galvin he can't stop me living my life and if he wants to try, you know where I am." "Just take her anywhere away from here." "There you go." "It's freezing." "So?" "Oh, come here, you've got..." "You are dead!" "No!" "No!" "Not in the water!" "It's cold, it's cold!" "Say please." "Harpy - from the Latin Harpyia." "The ancient Greeks believed they were winged death spirits." "It says they're half-woman, half-beast." "Sometimes they're identified with sirens." "They target men and lure them to their death." "There were three harpies" " Aello, Celaeno and Ocypete." "Sisters." "1554" " Pieter Van Helsing hunted and killed two of the harpies." "He burned them alive." "OK, so I'm guessing the remaining sister was pretty unhappy about that." "She's looking for some kind of payback." "Vengeance." "And Luke just so happens to be the last Van Helsing." "What?" "Nothing." "You don't give much away, do you?" "And you do?" "Ask me anything you like." "OK." "Your parents - what do they do?" "My mum's a teacher." "My dad died." "When I was one." "A car crash." "You miss him, don't you?" "I know it's silly, missing someone you never knew." "No, it's not." "It's like I've got this sense of him." "I don't know if it's right or if it's how I like to think of him." "You feel empty." "Did you lose someone?" "It was a long time ago." "I never really talk about this with anyone." "I'm glad you did." "In 1554, Pieter Van Helsing was called to Rotterdam." "He writes of the siren song of the harpy luring sailors to their death." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "Well, I'll be damned." "Mina." "Before a harpy looks like a harpy, it looks like a girl." "So a woman and a beast, but at different times." "That puts a whole new spin on things." "We're looking for a girl." "What's with all the urgent messages?" "What's going on?" "The word is, you got yourself a new girlfriend." "What, so now I'm not allowed a girlfriend?" "Not this one." "Alice isn't who she says she is." "What are you talking about?" "We hacked into the college's system and checked her registration form." "It's all lies." "You're spying on her?" "We can't find any trace of her parents." "No birth certificate, no National Insurance number." "It appears she came out of nowhere." "Maybe she uses her middle name." "People do that." "Luke, your girlfriend's a half-life." "What's this?" "This is what she turns into." "Looks kinda different without her makeup, huh?" "This is insane." "Whatever this thing is, it's not Alice." "Trust me, I'd know." "You wouldn't, not until it's too late." "You wanna take a look at what she can do?" "There's a teenager lying on a slab in a morgue the other side of town." "Of all the girls in London, Alice just happens to be a harpy?" "Come on." "It's not a coincidence." "She's the thing after you." "Because a girl can't possibly fancy me." "She's crazy about you." "That's why she's planning on killing you." "So now she wants to kill me?" "Turns out there seems to be a bit of history between your families." "Pieter Van Helsing torched Alice's sisters." "Now she's looking for some kind of revenge." "None of this proves Alice is a harpy." "You're absolutely right." "That's why we need to abduct her." "You're gonna abduct an 18-year-old?" "No, a 3000-year-old half-life." "Try it." "You'll have to come through me first." "Well, this is intense." "Stay away from her." "Luke!" "Wait!" "Galvin's lost it." "He's stepped over the line." "Just hear me out." "We've got a plan." "A plan that involves kidnapping the girl I'm seeing?" "It's the only way we can be sure." "Look, Pieter Van Helsing discovered wormwood affects the central nervous system, kick-starting the transformation." "Fine." "I'll give her some wormwood." "Then we'll see." "She needs to be restrained and in a secure environment when we give it to her." "We don't want anyone to get hurt." "What about Alice?" "She could get hurt." "It's the only way, Luke." "If she turns into a harpy, then... we do what needs doing." "And if she doesn't?" "We'll be very apologetic." "You're as bad as Galvin." "I saw something, Luke." "I saw you lying on the ground." "You were bleeding." "Was I dead?" "I don't know." "Where do we find her?" "I'm meeting her at five o'clock at the entrance to Borough Market." "I don't want to be there when you do it." "OK, there's not too many people around when she shows up." "We'll put her in the back of the car." " OK." "Hi." "Hi." "Come in." "I'll get us some drinks." "Is beer all right?" "Yeah, it's fine." "Do you wanna sit down over here?" "Thanks." "Something about this doesn't feel right." "I'll give Luke a call." "I love your Mum's flat." "You can get it if you like." "It's fine." "They'll leave a message." "Are you OK?" "Yeah." "Cool." "Cheers." "Someone really wants to talk to you." "It's probably nothing." "Ignore it." "Two seconds." "Hello." "No, you've got the wrong number." "Sorry about that." "Cheers." "Alice was never coming." "Come on." "Where is she?" "She's gone." "I spiked her drink." "You know what happened?" "Nothing." "Nothing happened." "You sent us off on some wild goose chase." "You could've been killed." "I wasn't." "Cos Alice isn't a harpy." "You never lie to me again, you understand this?" "You were gonna abduct her." "Sure she drank this?" "Something's wrong." "Yeah, you were wrong." "Your feelings are messing with your judgement." "You can't allow that to happen." "Maybe it's your feelings that are messing with your judgement." "You ever think about that?" "I am sorry a half-life killed your wife." "I can't be like you." "There's more to life than grading and smiting." "Not for me and you." "It's all or nothing." "You're obsessed." "You see half-lifes even when they're not there." "Seriously, you should take some time out." "We don't have the luxury." "We're fighting a war." "Alice isn't part of your war." "Everyone's part of it." "Most of them just don't know about it yet." "I think you should go." "Aaaaaargh!" "Hello?" "I'm from down the hall." "Is everything all right in there?" "Aaaargh!" "I got your message." "What's up?" "You were right." "It was all lies." "Everything." "I'm so sorry." "I've never felt this way about a girl before." "She turns out to be a half-life who wants to kill me." "So this is my life." "No, she was just a lying harpy bitch." "It's always going to be like this." "I'll be lying to them or they'll be lying to me." "Mina said I'll never have a normal relationship." "She's right." "No." "You just got the wrong girl." "How can I expect anyone to be a part of this?" "Maybe it's better I'm on my own." "The girl who's right for you, she'll accept you for who you are." "She'll always be there for you, no matter what." "Yeah?" "Well, if you meet that girl, give her my number." "I've got to tell Galvin." "He's gonna love this." "Galvin, it's me." "Alice is meeting me at the club at eight." "You want me to take a look at that?" "Probably a bit of dirt jamming up the cocking mechanism." "It causes friction." "Friction... ..is bad." "This is not gonna be easy for you, Luke." "I know you like this girl." "But it has to be done." "You sure you don't wanna sit this one out?" "I have to do this." "She's here." "She's coming in." "OK, Luke, let's get the job done and get outta here." "This place is making me feel kinda old." "Hi." "Hi." "You look amazing." "Thanks." "Let's go this way." "You know, it's girls like her that give women a bad reputation." "If only he could find a nice girl to settle down with." "I got you a beer." "Thanks." "So, whose party is this?" "I know." "I know what you are." "The body in your kitchen kind of gave it away." "My friends say you came to kill me." "You wouldn't understand." "Try me." "If you're planning on killing a guy after the second date, tell him why." "A Van Helsing killed my sisters." "So you were going to kill a Van Helsing?" "Yeah." "Pretty much." "I can't let you keep on killing." "It ends now." "You're going to kill me?" "You can do that?" "Not while you're like this." "You spiked my beer?" "I'm going to wait until you turn." "I'm sorry." "What are you doing?" "Get on with it." "Do it now." "I can't." "Not like this." "OK, get out of the way." "We wait." "I said, get out of the goddamn..." "Get after her." "Mina, Ruby, we've lost her." "Cover the front entrance." "You look great." "Argh!" "Whoa!" "Alice?" "So this is it." "I have to be suspicious of every girl I meet from now on." "So what's new?" "They're always trying to hide something." "You know, Ruby thinks you're sexist." "Really?" "Well, she thinks you're cute." "So she's obviously wrong about most things." "Come on." "Just give me a minute." "I get nightmares." "Beware of something nasty pretending to be something nice." "Sh!" "What else have you heard, Sandy?" "He's been talking to mediums." "Dad?" "What are you up to?" "Drop the ball!" "You're the last Van Helsing." "Denial is not an option." "Can I trust you?" "Let's call it by its name." "You killed him." "It's my turn." "No, it's not." "It's my turn." "transcript:chocolate sync:innuit"