"(LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "(LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)" "(PEPPY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "(CHEERFUL MUSIC)" "BELLBOY:" "We wanna see you, Mr. Hammer." "What's wrong?" "Somebody pay their bill?" "ALL:" "We want our money." "BELLBOY:" "Yes, money." "You want your money?" "We wanna get paid." "Oh, you want my money?" "Is that fair?" "Do I want your money?" "If Washington's soldiers asked for money, where would this country be today?" "But they did ask." "And where's Washington?" "No, my friends." "Money will never make you happy, and happy will never make you money." "That might be a wisecrack, but I doubt it." "ALL:" "We want our money." "HAMMER:" "I'll make you all a promise." "If you'll all stick with me and work hard, we'll forget about money." "Let's get together and make a regular hotel of this place." "I'll put writing paper in the hotel." "And next year, if you behave, I'll put in envelopes." "I'll put extra blankets free in all your rooms." "There'll be no cover charge." "(BELLHOPS EXCLAIMING)" "Think of the opportunities here in Florida." "Three years ago, I came to Florida without a nickel." "Now I've got a nickel." "That's all very well, Mr. Hammer." "But we haven't been paid in two weeks, and we want our wages." "Wages?" "Do you wanna be wage slaves?" "Answer me that." "ALL:" "No." "HAMMER:" "No." "What makes wage slaves?" "Wages." "I want you to be free." "Remember, there's nothing like liberty, except Colliers and the Saturday Evening Post." "Be free, my friends." "One for all and all for me, and me for you, and three for five, and six for a quarter." "MAN:" "Pardon me." "Telegrams for you, Mr. Hammer." "There you are." "Business is beginning to pick up already." "Now if you boys will only be calm..." ""We arrive this afternoon on the 4:30." "Kindly" ""reserve two floors and three ceilings."" "Must be mice." ""If we like your property, we will immediately buy it."" "Things are going our way already." "MAN:" "Who's it from?" "Western Union, and they've got a lot of money, too." "On the 4:15?" "Well, I'll take the bus down myself." "MAN:" "Here's another one." "HAMMER:" "We're gonna be stuffed by tonight." "This hotel will be so crowded that we'll be turning away thousands of people." ""If there is another hotel in Cocoanut Beach, cancel our reservations."" "I knew it." "It was too good." "Wait a minute." ""P.S. Aunt Fanny had an 8-pound boy." "Can you come to the wedding?"" "You see, everything is all right, boys." "You're all invited to the wedding of Aunt Fanny's 8-pound boy." "ALL:" "Hooray!" "But that won't be for a couple of years yet." "In the meantime, I want you to buck up, get down to work." "Let's put this thing over with a bang." "And above all, forget about money." "Don't think of it because you won't get it anyway." "(BELLHOPS CHEERING MERRILY)" "(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)" "See that?" "I keep them dancing for their money." "Jamison, I'm going down to meet the 4:15." "If I never come back, I'll be still waiting for the train." "In my absence, I'm relying on you to handle everything." "You can depend upon me, sir." "That's fine." "If any guests come, take good care of them." "And think of me." "You bet I will." "I'll be back someday." "All right." "Keep a light burning in the window, if you can find a window." "All right, sir." "Goodbye, Jamison." "Hello, Harvey." "Why so downhearted?" "Is Bob Adams cutting you out with Polly Potter?" "I'm not worried about a hotel clerk." "No, but I'll bet you're worried about the Potter millions." "You generally could use money in the old days." "Lay off that stuff." "Marrying Polly is the only way for you to square your debts." "I can take care of myself." "I doubt it." "Suppose I have a little plan that'll take care of both of us." "What do you mean?" "Have you ever seen that diamond necklace of Mrs. Potter's?" "You bet I have." "What's that got to do with us?" "Her room and my room are right next to each other." "Hers is 318." "Mine, 320." "The door between is unlocked." "Well?" "She keeps everything in a jewel case locked up in her dresser." "The key is always in her bag." "That's what you've got to get." "It's a large order, but maybe it can be done." "Suppose I invite Mrs. Potter and Polly to take supper with me tonight?" "What then?" "Sometime during the evening, I might be able to get the key out of her bag." "Now you're talking." "That sounds more like old times." "Now I'll try and get rid of Bob Adams for you." "(ROMANTIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "This is Cocoanut Manor." "You know that hill?" "What a question." "Do I know that cunning little hill?" "True, but that's why there hasn't been any development here." "Couldn't it be cut down?" "Too expensive." "Here's what happened." "John W. Berryman was here to see it last month." "Berryman practically built Palm Beach and Miami, but he said he wouldn't touch this." "When a man like that passes a place up, no one wants it." "Do you know anything about architecture?" "No, but I'd love to learn." "I made a drawing of the whole place showing the hills, as a built-up scheme, without cutting down the hill or having it get in the way." "I made the hill fit in with the architectural scheme." "I sent Berryman a copy last week." "His secretary wrote me saying they were studying my plans." "That's thrilling." "Does Mr. Hammer know about it?" "Not yet." "But if he takes it, I'll design the buildings." "(CHUCKLES) Say, I may be an architect yet." "If he only does, I'm sure it will be the most beautiful place in the world." "It would be if you lived there." "Look, see what I've written?" ""Heaven for Polly and me."" "That looks great." "When do I move in?" "Any day now." "It's a lovely dream, Bob." "Let's make it come true." "♪ The skies will all be blue" "♪ When my dreams come true" "♪ And I'll be smiling through" "♪ When my dreams come true" "♪ That Spanish castle I built in my mind" "♪ Will be a love nest of the practical kind" "♪ And I'll be there with you" "♪ When my dreams come true" "♪ Ever since I met you" "♪ All that I seem to do is dream" "♪ Wonderful dreams" "♪ Heaven's before my eyes" "♪ When will I realize my dreams?" "♪ Wonderful dreams" "♪ The skies will all be blue" "♪ When my dreams come true" "♪ And I'll be smiling through" "♪ When my dreams come true" "♪ That Spanish castle I built in my mind" "♪ Will be a love nest of the practical kind" "♪ And I'll be there with you" "♪ When my dreams" "♪ Come true ♪" "Will you look at that?" "I am looking." "It's darn cute." "I wonder who it can be." "Let's find out." "Then little Red Riding Hood said to the wolf, "Wolf, wolf."" "BOB:" "Hello." "PENELOPE:" "How do you do, Miss Potter?" "Your mother is looking for you, Polly." "She generally is, and she generally finds me." "You know Mother." "Thanks a lot." "It was a lovely story, Mr. Adams." "I'd like to hear the rest of it sometime." "Goodbye." "I wonder if I could hear it sometime." "With pleasure." "How about you, Yates?" "No, thanks." "You know what happens to bad little boys who tell stories?" "Certainly." "They marry the beautiful princess." "So long." "♪ And I'll be there with you" "♪ When my dreams" "♪ Come true ♪" "Nice boy." "The kind who usually gets what he wants." "Not always." "I might win out yet." "Well, miracles do happen." "Polly, you've been out again with Mr. Adams." "But only for a little while, Mother." "Why a daughter of mine should fool around with a hotel clerk when she has the opportunity of marrying one of the Boston Yates is more than I can understand." "Who cares about the Boston Yates?" "Anyway, Bob isn't a clerk." "He's an architect." "He's only clerking until he can get started." "One who clerks is a clerk, and that settles it." "And I want you to remember that no Potter has ever been involved in a single scandal." "How about Uncle Dick?" "It's a well-known fact that your uncle was drunk at the time." "MRS. POTTER:" "Another thing..." "I'm tired of your sitting out on the beach at all hours of the night." "HAMMER:" "Hey!" "Take something for that insomnia." "You ought to stop drinking so much coffee." "I'm sorry, sir." "Any luck with the 4:30?" "Yes, it didn't hit me." "That's the only luck I had." "I think I know what's wrong with the hotel." "I know, too." "You're fired." "Get your hat and my coat." "Get out." "Maybe the season hasn't started yet." "Maybe the hotel hasn't opened yet." "Don't worry." "In a few weeks, you'll be cleaning up." "And making the beds." "Get out of here." "I can handle this rush myself." "HAMMER:" "Six hundred rooms in the hotel, and you have to sleep here." "How do you do?" "Why don't you whistle at the crossing?" "You're just the woman I'm looking for." "I'm gonna tell you about Florida real estate." "First time it's ever been mentioned down here." "I'm sorry, but..." "Do you know that property values have increased 1929 since 1,000%?" "This is the biggest development since Sophie Tucker." "Florida is the show-spot of America and Cocoanut Beach is the black spot of Florida?" "You told me about this yesterday." "But I left out a comma." "In a little while, we're gonna hold an auction sale at Cocoanut Manor, the suburb terrible..." "Beautiful." "You must come." "We'll have entertainment, sandwiches, and the auction." "If you don't like auctions, we can play Contract." "Here it is. "Cocoanut Manor." "42 hours from Times Square by railroad." ""1,600 miles as the crow flies, 1,800 as the horseflies."" ""Cocoanut Manor: glorifying the American sewer and the Florida sucker."" "It's the most exclusive residential district in Florida." "Nobody lives there." "Ask me about the climate, I dare you." "Very well." "How..." "Glad you brought it up." "Our motto is, "Cocoanut Beach:" "no snow, no ice, and no business."" "Florida is the greatest state in the Union." "Is it?" "Take its climate." "No, we took that." "Take its fruits, the alligator pears." "Take all the alligator pears and keep them." "See if I care." "Do you know how they are made?" "I haven't the least idea." "Because you've never been an alligator, and don't let it happen again." "It sometimes requires years to bring the pear and alligator together." "They don't like each other." "No?" "You know how many alligator pears are sent out every year and told not to return?" "I don't think so." "All they can get a hold of." "Florida feeds the nation, but nobody feeds me." "That's what I want to discuss with you." "Also, take our cattle raising." "I don't mean anything personal." "But here is the ideal cattle-raising section." "We have longhorns, shorthorns, and shoehorns." "Will you let me say something, please?" "I don't think so." "There's something else I wanna tell you." "Where will you be when you're 65?" "That's about three months from now." "If I were to buy, I should prefer some place like Palm Beach." "Palm Beach?" "The Atlantic City of yesterday?" "The slums of tomorrow?" "You know the population of Cocoanut Beach doubled last week?" "Has it?" "Three bulldogs were born." "We're expecting a nanny goat in the morning." "Sorry, I'm afraid I must be going." "Wait." "Before you go, let me show you a sample of my sewer pipe we're gonna lay." "Nobody can fool a woman like you on a sewer pipe, can they?" "This is the 8-inch pipe." "All property owners will be allowed to vote on the size." "In case of a tie, it goes to the Supreme Court." "I can give you a little inside information in advance." "(WHISPERING) The Chief Justice is crazy about this type of sewer." "Here, put it in your pocket." "See you later." "I can't use this." "I don't want it." "(PHONE RINGING)" "Hello." "Yes?" "Ice water in 318?" "Is that so?" "Where'd you get it?" "You want some?" "That's different." "Have you got any ice?" "No, I haven't." "This is Cocoanut Beach:" "no snow, no ice." "Get some onions." "That'll make your eyes water." "What?" "You, too." "Mr. Hammer." "Mrs. Thompson wants to know if you'd reserve a dinner table for her in a nice quiet spot." "A nice quiet spot?" "Tell her she can eat in the lobby." "We ought to dress this place up a bit." "It looks terrible." "Front." "(BELL RINGING)" "Here, front." "Front, front, front." "Jamison, what's become of our front?" "Are we all out of front?" "I haven't seen them." "I'm gonna fire some of those people." "Give me the fire bell." "Stick around here." "If anyone comes in looking like a customer, tie them and brand them." "Look at him." "He's dressed better than I am." "(HORN TOOTING)" "CHICO:" "Hey, come on." "CHICO:" "Hey, come here." "HAMMER:" "Gentlemen, how do you do?" "CHICO:" "How do you do?" "HAMMER:" "Are you boys giving me the runaround?" "Come over here." "HAMMER:" "What do you want?" "Explain your business." "CHICO:" "We sent you a telegram." "HAMMER:" "You boys sent the telegram?" "How do you do?" "Strange." "I used to send telegrams myself." "How are you?" "And how are you?" "(HORN TOOTING)" "HAMMER:" "That's all right." "Don't worry." "You can stay, but you'll have to get rid of that groundhog." "What do you want?" "Explain." "We make a reservash." "Reservash?" "We want room and no bath." "I see, you're here for the winter." "Step this way." "I'll see what I can do." "Okay, we stay for the summer, too." "Sorry, we haven't got any vacancies." "CHICO:" "No vacancies." "HAMMER:" "We got rooms." "That's all right, we take a room." "You want a room?" "CHICO:" "We take a vacancy." "HAMMER:" "Take the gentlemen's baggage." "BOY:" "Hey, what are you..." "Do you know that suitcase is empty?" "We'll fill it up before we leave." "You'll empty it before I go out." "Step this way, boys." "Just put your moniker on there and everything will be A. K." "CHICO:" "Look what he do." "Don't do that." "Step this way, boys." "Three shots for five." "He never misses." "The boy wins a gold cigar." "Anybody else?" "Step right this way." "Hey!" "Don't throw that." "That's only for long-distance." "All right." "What do you want?" "A suite on the third floor?" "I'll take a Polack in the basement." "You'll have to take that up with the commissary department." "That's an entirely different proposition and I can't..." "HAMMER:" "Here you are." "HAMMER:" "Let me help you here." "HAMMER:" "Sorry." "The afternoon mail isn't in." "I can use you the first of the month." "POSTMAN:" "Telegram for Hammer." "HAMMER:" "Telegram?" "Tell them I'll send the money in the morning." "What do you want?" "Do you want a single room?" "We'd like to double up." "Eat some green apples." "(PHONE RINGING)" "CHICO:" "Just a joke." "HAMMER:" "Just a moment." "What's that?" "You'll have to talk louder." "I can't hear you." "If you'll take your nose out of the receiver, it'll be okay." "(CHUCKLING) Funny fellow, you." "Hello, what's that?" "You wanna know where you can get a hold of Mrs. Potter?" "I don't know." "She's awfully ticklish." "Now, I'm in a position, gentlemen..." "CHICO:" "He's hungry." "Here, have one of these flowers." "They're buckwheat." "Pick out a nice one." "I don't want you to get any of the worst ones." "I'm so glad." "If you will pardon me for a few moments," "I have some very important business to attend to." "I'm going upstairs to get your partner a stomach pump." "I'll be down in a few minutes." "And while I'm gone, don't forget:" "Register." "Don't forget." "Register." "CHICO:" "That's all right." "(HARPO WHISTLING A HAPPY TUNE)" "(HORN TOOTING)" "(BELL DINGING)" "(CHICO HUMMING)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "CHICO:" "Hello?" "No, we no got no rooms." "CHICO:" "We got nothing." "We got no customers." "CHICO:" "All right." "I send you up some." "All right, goodbye." "Did you ring, sir?" "(HARPO RINGS BELL)" "(HARPO RINGS BELL)" "(HARPO RINGS BELL FRANTICALLY)" "CHICO:" "Hey, come on." "Come here." "CHICO:" "Get away from those girls." "Come on." "Hurry up." "All right then, but let's be careful." "I will." "Tell me." "How is it that the door between your room and Mrs. Potter's is open?" "Well, you see, I told her that I trusted her." "You trusted her?" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "PENELOPE:" "Stop that." "CHICO:" "Come on." "We dance." "PENELOPE:" "Really!" "Come, Penelope." "Let's get away from this bum." "Bum." "(HARPO WHISTLING)" "(CHICO IMITATING A DRUM CADENCE)" "I could kill those tramps." "Wait a minute." "Don't kill them yet." "I've got an idea." "About them?" "Listen, when the necklace is found missing, someone's got to be blamed." "Why not them?" "Gee, that's not bad." "But have you got anything definite?" "Suppose I flirt with them and they come to my room." "Then what?" "I'll complain to the management." "Then, the night the necklace disappeared, they were seen near Mrs. Potter's." "Get it?" "You bet I get it." "That's a grand idea." "Thanks, kind sir." "I've got to run along now." "See you later." "Goodbye." "(WHISTLING)" "(HORN TOOTING)" "(BELL DINGING)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Hey, what you do?" "All the time you eat." "That's no good." "We gotta get the money." "Right now, I'd do anything for money." "I'd kill someone for it." "I'd kill you for money." "(CHUCKLES)" "No, you're my friend." "I kill you for nothing." "Why do you laugh?" "You're here for three hours and you no got something yet." "What do you got?" "A beautiful watch." "That's fine." "That's all you steal?" "(HARPO WHISTLING)" "I think I know your face." "I give up." "Whose is it?" "I'll tell you in a minute." "I brought some pictures from headquarters." "Let me see your face." "Yours, too." "All right, I make my own face." "Why you push?" "No pushing." "You wanna fight?" "Come on." "Hey, call your shots." "Come on." "Hey, what's the matter, you no fight upstairs?" "Come on." "Hey." "What are you guys fighting for?" "No, that's my friend." "We play this way." "What are you doing around here?" "What's your name?" "I'm pretty suspicious of you birds." "Now you listen to me." "I haven't got anything on you yet, but I'm going to keep watching." "I've got your full records right here in my pocket." "There's enough to send you up the minute you start anything." "You get me?" "Wise guy." "Gotta start a fight when the detective come around." "You can't wait a little bit." "What do you got?" "A badge." "That's fine." "He's no more detective." "You're a detective." "Hurry along, my dear." "Only a few minutes to get the train." "Can you tell me, what time is the next train to Philadelphia?" "There's a train once a week and sometimes twice a day." "MAN:" "Thank you." "CHICO:" "That's all right." "CHICO:" "That's fine." "It's a little tight." "Needs something taken out." "All right, keep it." "That's just what I need, a coat like this." "That's fine." "To look good." "Hello." "How do you do?" "That's a good-looking coat you have on." "You like it?" "Do you know you look like the Prince of Wales?" "Better." "Where'd you get that coat?" "That's my coat." "That's your coat?" "That's my coat." "But it doesn't fit you." "I know." "I had it made to order." "Tell me, what are you doing tonight?" "Maybe you got a good idea?" "Don't you dare come to Room 320 at 11:00." "All right, I come at 10:30." "(HARPO PLAYING THE CLARINET)" "(PLAYING A SLOW TUNE)" "Did you see a handkerchief?" "I thought I had dropped one." "It really doesn't matter because what I'm really interested in is you." "(PENELOPE GIGGLES COYLY)" "Did anyone ever tell you that you look like the Prince of Wales?" "That's funny." "I thought it was an original idea of mine." "Tell me, do you know who I am?" "Do you know my room number?" "I'll be there at 11:00 tonight." "(PLAYING A SLOW TUNE)" "Did anyone ever tell you that you look like the Prince of Wales?" "Not the present Prince of Wales." "One of the old Wales." "And believe me, when I say Wales, I mean Wales." "I know a whale when I see one." "Did you say your room was 318?" "I'm the proprietor of this hotel, and I have a passkey to every room in it." "Passkey?" "Passkey, that's Russian for "pass."" "You know, they "passkey" down the "streetskey."" "Won't you lie down?" "If we could find a little bungalow." "Of course, I know we could find one, but maybe the people wouldn't get out." "If we could find a nice little empty bungalow just for me and you where we could bill and cow..." "No, where we could bull and cow." "Do you know what you're trying to say?" "Yes, it's not what I'm thinking of." "What I meant was if we had a nice little bungalow, and you were inside and I was outside trying to get in, or inside trying to get out..." "No, I was in." "You was up..." "You were inside out and I was up... (STUTTERING)" "I tell you, if you don't hear from me by next Friday, the whole thing's off." "I don't think I understand." "I mean, your eyes, they shine like the pants of a blue serge suit." "What?" "That's an insult." "That's not a reflection on you." "That's on the pants." "What I meant was, if we had a nice bungalow," "I came home from work, and you were standing by the gate..." "No, you came home from work and I was standing by the gate." "That's more like it." "And we came down the path and we went inside." "And the shades were drawn, and the lights were low and..." "Are you sure your husband's dead?" "Why, yes." "There seems to be a trace of uncertainty in that "yes."" "A "yes" like that was once responsible for me jumping out of a window." "And I'm not the jumper I used to be." "What I meant was, you're gonna be here all winter, and I'm stuck with the hotel anyhow." "Why don't you grab me until you can make other arrangements?" "My dear Mr. Hammer, I shall never get married before my daughter." "You did once." "But I love you." "I love you." "Can't you see how I'm pining for you?" "What in the world is the matter with you?" "I'm not myself tonight." "I don't know who I am." "One false move and I'm yours." "I love you." "I love you anyhow." "I don't think you'd love me if I were poor." "I might, but I'd keep my mouth shut." "MRS. POTTER:" "I'll not stay any longer and be insulted this way." "Don't go and leave me alone." "You stay and I'll go away." "I don't know what to say." "Say that you'll be truly mine or truly yours, or yours truly." "HAMMER:" "Don't you know that I'm..." "MRS. POTTER:" "Keep your hands to yourself." "Come on, I'll play you one more game." "Come on." "The three of you." "Can you come down a little bit?" "Just think, tonight, when the moon is sneaking around the clouds, I'll be sneaking around you." "I'll meet you tonight under the moon." "I can see you now:" "you and the moon." "Wear a necktie so I'll know you." "(PLAYING SOOTHING MUSIC)" "(MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO)" "Send up some ice water right away." "That's right." "Thank you." "PENELOPE:" "Thank goodness." "HARVEY:" "Close the door." "Did you get the key?" "Yes." "It's one of these." "That's fine." "We can't take any chances on this job." "How do you mean?" "There'll be trouble when she misses it." "Well, we can't have it found on us." "I should say not." "We've got to play it safe and hide it somewhere." "Hide it?" "Just for a few days." "But where?" "Anywhere but in here." "Hide it?" "I know just the place." "A hollow tree stump a mile from here." "Will that do?" "Fine, but how do I get there?" "Cocoanut Manor." "You've been there." "I'm not so sure, Harvey." "Here, I'll show you." "You go right down Cocoanut Road." "Then there's Augustine Road, like this." "Instead, you take the Granada Road." "Suddenly you come to a clearing with a fringe of trees around it." "That's Cocoanut Manor, where the stump is." "It's about 20 feet from the edge of the clearing." "That's where you put the jewels." "You can't miss it." "You take the necklace out there, see?" "I've got to go back downstairs, or Mrs. Potter will be suspicious." "And be careful." "I will." "Cocoanut Manor, Granada Road... 20 feet from the clearing." "Everything's going along swimmingly now." "You remember me, the Prince of Wales?" "Of course I do." "Mr. Hammer, how dare you come into my room!" "If there's gonna be two people in this room, it'll be 50 cents extra." "Did he go?" "Who?" "Anybody." "PENELOPE:" "Get out." "Prince, how you frightened me!" "(HORN TOOTING)" "This hotel not only has running water, it has running guests." "You remember me, the Prince of Wales?" "Who is it?" "HAMMER:" "It's me, the King of England." "CHICO:" "My father!" "(PHONE RINGING)" "(HORN TOOTING)" "(HARPO KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "PENELOPE:" "Come in." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Ice water." "Put it there." "PENELOPE:" "Thank you." "HAMMER:" "Thank you?" "Why didn't you give him a dime?" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Come in." "Lay it down." "Well, I never." "I should say not." "You get out of here." "Get out." "Hurry." "(MUMBLING WORRIEDLY)" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "MRS. POTTER:" "Come in." "What is the matter with the man?" "Mr. Hammer, what are you doing in my room?" "MRS. POTTER:" "Don't you take that coat off in this room." "MRS. POTTER:" "You get out as fast as you can go." "HAMMER:" "I was only playing, that's all." "MRS. POTTER:" "I'll find out about this." "Thank goodness he's gone." "Never mind, Operator." "MRS. POTTER:" "Come in." "Who are you?" "It's all right." "I'll be through in a minute." "I guess there's nobody in here." "You don't know where to look." "What's that you said?" "This is awful." "MRS. POTTER:" "When you've quite finished, let me know." "Everything seems to be all right in here." "PENELOPE:" "I'm not so sure about that." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "All right." "I know where to go." "(SIGHS IN RELIEF)" "Alone at last." "Come here." "I wanna see you." "I'm not gonna have that red-headed fellow running around the lobby." "If you wanna keep him up in your room, keep him in a trap." "I can't catch him." "Who is he?" "That's my partner, but he no speak." "That's your silent partner?" "You wired me about some property." "I've thought it over." "I can let you have three lots watering the front, or three lots fronting the water." "These lots cost me $9,000." "I'll let you have them for $15,000 because I like you." "I no buy nothing." "I ain't got no money." "What?" "You got no money?" "I no got one cent." "How are you gonna pay for your room?" "That's your lookout." "You're just an idle roomer?" "You see, we come here to make money." "I read in paper, "Big boom in Florida." So we come." "We're big booms, too." "I'll show you how you can make some real money." "I'm gonna hold an auction in a little while in Cocoanut Manor." "You know what an auction is?" "I come from Italy on the Atlantic Auction." "Let's go ahead as if nothing happened." "I'm holding an auction at Cocoanut Manor." "When the crowd gathers, mingle with them." "Don't pick their pockets, just mingle." "I'll find time for both." "Maybe we can cut out the auction." "If somebody says $100, you say $200." "If they say $200, you say $300." "Bid up." "That's right." "If nobody says anything, then you start it off." "How am I gonna know when they no say nothing?" "They'll probably notify you." "You fool, if they don't say anything, you'll hear them." "Well, maybe I no listen." "Don't tell them." "If we're successful in disposing of these lots, you'll get a nice commission." "And how about some money?" "You can have your choice." "In arranging these lots, of course, we use blueprints." "You know what a blueprint is?" "It's oysters." "You never got double pneumonia?" "I go around by myself." "Do you know what a lot is?" "Yeah, it's too much." "Not a whole lot." "Just a little lot with nothing on it." "Anytime you got too much, you got a whole lot." "I'll explain." "Sometimes you no got too much, you got a whole lot." "You got a bit, you no think it's enough." "Somebody else think it's too much." "It's a whole lot, too." "A whole lot is too much, too much is a whole lot." "Same thing." "The next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you, will you?" "Come over here, Rand McNally, and I'll explain this to you." "This is a map and diagram of the whole Cocoanut section." "This area is within a radius of approximately three-quarters of a mile." "Radius." "Is there a remote possibility that you know what "radius" means?" "It's a WJZ." "I walked right into that one." "It's gonna be a cinch explaining the rest of this to you." "I catch on quick." "You're thinking of a rodeo." "Look, Einstein." "Here's Cocoanut Manor." "No matter what you say, this is Cocoanut Manor." "Here's Cocoanut Manor." "Here's Cocoanut Heights." "That's a swamp." "Right over here, where the road forks, that's Cocoanut Junction." "Where have you got Cocoanut Custard?" "That's on one of the forks." "You probably eat with your knife, so you needn't worry about that." "Here is the main road leading out of Cocoanut Manor." "That's the road I wish you were on." "Over here, on this site, we're gonna build an eye and ear hospital." "This is gonna be a sight for sore eyes." "You understand?" "That's fine." "Right over here, this is the residential section." "People live there?" "No, that's the stockyards." "All along here, this is the riverfront." "And all along the river, those are all levees." "That's the Jewish neighborhood?" "Well, we'll pass over that." "You're a peach, boy." "Here is a little peninsula, and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland." "Why a duck?" "I'm all right." "How are you?" "Here is a little peninsula, and here's a viaduct leading over to the mainland." "All right." "Why a duck?" "I'm not playing Ask Me Another." "I say that's a viaduct." "All right." "Why a duck?" "Why no chicken?" "I don't know why no chicken." "I'm a stranger here myself." "All I know is that it's a viaduct." "You try to cross over there in a chicken and you'll find out viaduct." "I no go someplace..." "It's deep water, that's why a duck." "Deep water." "That's why a duck." "Look, rube, suppose you were out horseback riding, you came to that stream and wanted to ford over." "You couldn't make it." "It's too deep." "What do you want with a Ford if you got a horse?" "I'm sorry the matter ever came up." "All I know is that it's a viaduct." "Look, all right." "I catch on to why a horse, why a chicken, why this, why that." "I no catch on to why a duck." "I was only fooling." "They're gonna build a tunnel there in the morning." "Now is that clear to you?" "Yes, everything except why a duck." "That's fine." "Then we can go ahead with this thing." "I'm gonna take you and show you our cemetery." "I've got a waiting list of 50 people just dying to get in." "But I like you." "You're my friend." "I'm gonna shove you in ahead of them." "I know you like me." "I'll see you get a steady position." "That's good." "And if I can arrange it, it'll be horizontal." "So at the auction, if somebody says $100..." "I say $200." "That's grand." "If somebody says $200..." "I say $300." "That's great." "You know how to get down there?" "No, I don't." "You go down that narrow path there until you come to that little jungle there." "See it?" "Where those thatched palms are?" "Yes." "Then there's a little clearing there with a wire fence around it." "You see that wire fence there?" "All right." "Why a fence?" "No, we're not gonna go all through that again." "Come with me and I'll fix you up." "I know what you mean." "Bid them up." "One say $100, $200." "If somebody says $100, you say $200." "They say $200, you say $300." "Help me do this, you can have anything you got." "I got nothing." "Be alert." "That's it." "Be alert, or papa don't go out at all." "I be alert." "I don't know what it is, but I be it." "All ye suckers who are gonna get trimmed, step this way for the big swindle." "Ladies and gentlemen, before proceeding with the day's main business, which is the selling of these lots at any price, we're gonna have a little entertainment." "Very little." "I want to present to you Miss Polly Potter, the best-paying guest in the hotel." "In fact, the only paying guest in the hotel." "She will sing for you and for me, too." "Miss Potter." "♪ Monkeys upon a tree Never are very blue" "♪ They never seem to be under par That is true" "♪ Not like the ones you see on a bar in the zoo" "♪ Monkeys upon a tree do the monkey doodle doo" "♪ Among the mangoes where the monkey tangos" "♪ You can see them do the little monkey doodle do" "♪ A little monkey playing on his one key gives them all the cue" "♪ To do the monkey doodle do" "♪ Let me take you by the hand over to the jungle band" "♪ If you're too old for dancing get yourself a monkey gland" "♪ And then let's go my little dearie Here's the Darwin theory" "♪ Telling me and you to do the monkey doodle doo ♪" "(FAST-PACED INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "(FAST-PACED INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)" "(FAST-PACED INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC INTENSIFIES)" "(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)" "That's Florida, folks:" "singing, dancing, and entertainment." "After the entertainment, there'll be sandwiches." "But if there are no lots sold, there will be no sandwiches." "Florida, folks." "Sunshine." "Perpetual sunshine all the year around." "Let's get the auction started before we get a tornado." "Right this way." "Step forward, everybody." "You are now in Cocoanut Manor, one of the finest cities in Florida." "We still need a few finishing touches, but who doesn't?" "This is a residential district." "Every lot is a stone's throw from the station." "When they throw enough stones, we'll build a station." "800 wonderful residences will be built right here." "They're as good as up." "Better." "You can have any kind of home you want." "You can even get stucco." "How you can get stuck, oh." "Now is the time to buy while the new boom is on." "Remember that old saying?" ""A new boom sweeps clean."" "And don't forget the guarantee:" "my personal guarantee." "If these lots don't double in value in a year, I don't know what you can do." "We'll take lot number 20, right at the corner of DeSota Avenue." "You all know who DeSota was." "He discovered a body of water." "You've all heard of the water they named after him:" "DeSota Water." "Now this lot has a 20-foot frontage, a 14-foot backage and a mighty fine garbage." "Now what am I offered for this lot?" "Anything at all, anything at all." "$200." "A gentleman bids $200." "Who'll say 300?" "$300." "Another gentleman says $300." "Do I hear $400?" "$400." "Well, the auction is practically over." "It's all over but the shooting." "I'll attend to that later." "$500." "Do I hear $600?" "$600." "Sold for $600." "Wrap up that lot and put some poison ivy on it." "Well, I came out even on that one." "That was a big success." "One more success like that, and I'll sell my body to a medical institute." "Now, we'll take lot number 21." "There it is, right over there, folks." "Right where that cocoanut tree is." "What am I offered for lot number 21 ?" "$200." "My friend, there's over $200 worth of milk in those cocoanuts." "And what milk." "Milk from contented cow-conuts." "Who'll say 300?" "$300." "$400." "$400." "$500." "$500." "$600, $700, $800, what the heck I care?" "What the heck do you care?" "But how about me?" "Sold to What The Heck for $800." "I hope all your teeth have cavities." "And don't forget:" "Abscess makes the heart grow fonder." "When he said "why a duck," I should have smelled a rat." "I did, but I didn't know who it was." "Now, we'll take lot number 22." "What am I offered for lot number 22?" "$100." "Sold for $100..." "$200." "Believe me, you gotta get up early if you wanna get out of bed." "Now, we'll take lot number 23." "$200." "What are you gonna do with all these lots?" "Play lottos?" "Who'll say $300?" "$400." "$400." "Do I hear $500?" "$500." "Sold to this gentleman... $600." "$700." "$700." "Sold to this gentleman... $800." "Do I hear $900?" "HAMMER:" "Do I hear nine?" "CHICO:" "You hear nine, you'll hear 10." "If I hear 10, you'll hear plenty." "Do I hear nine?" "Will the gentleman who said seven say nine?" "Will he say seven again?" "Will you say six?" "He say six, I say seven." "He say seven, I say eight." "He say eight, I say nine." "I got a plenty of numbers left." "When I start, I no stop for nothing." "I bid them up." "I go higher." "Higher all the time." "You'll go higher when I get a hold of you." "Sold to Hiawatha for $800." "Get away from that tree before it dies." "MAN: $50." "HAMMER:" "Sold for..." "CHICO: $200!" "Too late!" "We'll take lot number 25, right where you're standing." "Get your feet off this." "You're getting it all dirty." "This lot doesn't look very big on top, but it's all yours for as cheap as it can go." "What am I offered for lot number 25?" "Anything at all." "Who'll start it off?" "Anyone at all?" "Anyone..." "What's become of Peter Rabbit?" "What am I offered for lot 25?" "Come on, folks." "You know you're allowed to bid." "This is a free country." "What am I offered for lot 25?" "What's the offer for lot 25 and a year's subscription to Youth's Companion?" "Will somebody take a year's subscription?" "I'm trying to work through college." "Will somebody take a six-month subscription?" "I'll go to high school." "Does anybody wanna buy a lead pencil?" "I'll wrestle anybody in the crowd for $5." "If there's no more bidding, I might as well quit." "What's the matter with you people?" "Don't you wanna make money?" "I'm gonna try one more lot, and if I don't dispose of this, I'll fold up." "I'm gonna take lot number 26, the star lot of the whole proceedings." "Right there near the stump of that tree overlooking the oceanfront." "One of the finest sites in Florida." "Now somebody make me an offer." "BOB: $200." "MAN: $300." "Who'll say 400?" "$400." "Now do I hear..." "Keep Winnie the Pooh out of here." "He'll ruin me." "Who'll say $500?" "$500." "$600?" "Come on..." "$800." "$800." "Now there's a gentleman with a vision." "And a nice haircut." "Who'll say $1,000?" "$1,000." "A gentleman with double vision and a better haircut." "Who'll say $1, 100?" "$1, 100." "A gentleman with astigmatism." "$1,200?" "Come on, now, $1,200?" "$1,200." "Hail and farewell." "Who'll say $1,300?" "HAMMER: $1,300." "HARVEY:" "I'll bid..." "HAMMER: $1,300?" "Do I hear $1,300?" "$1,200?" "Once, twice..." "Sold to Mr. Adams for $1,200." "A fine of property you've got there, buddy." "Bob, you got it." "Make a note of that." "What happened?" "I protest against that." "I didn't have a chance to bid." "I didn't have a chance to bid." "What do you mean?" "I don't discriminate." "You had the same opportunity as anybody else." "Mr. Hammer." "I've been robbed." "HAMMER:" "What?" "Robbed?" "MRS. POTTER:" "My necklace in your hotel." "POLLY:" "Oh, Mother." "It's worth $100,000." "HAMMER:" "Was it valuable?" "Was it valuable?" "I'll give a $1,000 reward for its return." "This little lady has lost a necklace worth $100,000 and she offers $1,000 reward for its return." "CHICO: $2,000." "HAMMER:" "Sold for $2,000." "HAMMER:" "Make a note of that." "HENNESSEY:" "Coming through." "I'll take charge of this." "All you people get back and give us plenty of room and keep quiet." "HENNESSEY:" "Cut that out." "CHICO:" "Come on." "Get back, everyone." "CHICO:" "What's the matter?" "He hurt you?" "What's the matter?" "No push, boy." "CHICO:" "Come on." "All right." "Start fighting." "Go on." "(CHICO MUMBLING)" "Mr. Hammer, what's the matter with him?" "I don't know where he's from." "He hasn't any license on him." "MRS. POTTER:" "What is it?" "What?" "MRS. POTTER:" "Yes, that's it." "You dear man." "I'm so happy." "I must kiss you again." "So that's it." "I saw you in that room last night." "Grabbing off stuff for the reward, eh?" "Now then, you, come clean." "Let go of that." "CHICO:" "All right." "Leave him go." "Come on." "Leave him go." "How did you know that necklace was there?" "Officer, may I make a suggestion?" "What is it?" "Maybe the gentleman who bought this lot might know something about it." "Why was he so anxious to buy it?" "Why did you buy this lot?" "None of your business." "He is a desperate character." "Mother, he isn't." "Whenever a fella won't say anything, it's generally on account of a woman." "Who is she?" "None of your business." "I won't say a word." "You won't say anything." "This guy's letting on to be a dummy." "(HORN TOOTING)" "This bird you can't understand when he does talk." "Is there anybody here who will talk?" "I will, but I can't think of anything." "Well, if you won't tell me about it, you'll tell somebody else." "Wait a minute." "You mean..." "That's enough." "Come on." "Please don't take him." "What?" "I didn't want you to steal it, Bob." "I had no idea that you'd do it." "I feel awful." "What are you talking about?" "Bob, what does she mean?" "Polly." "HENNESSEY:" "So that's it." "PENELOPE:" "It's all my fault." "I had no idea he'd think that I meant it." "I didn't want you to do it." "I just meant that you could give me one like it." "Wait a minute." "Are you accusing me of taking Mrs. Potter's necklace?" "I'm taking all the blame myself." "I was joking, and you took me seriously." "When you told me you'd taken it, I just couldn't believe it." "Told you I'd taken what?" "Why, Polly, she's out of her mind." "It sounds quite plausible to me." "Mother." "He didn't know what he was doing." "I begged him to take it back." "Say, I'm not gonna stand for anymore of this." "Why, the whole thing is ridiculous." "It's absurd." "Do you people really think for one moment that..." "I don't care what you think, any of you." "Polly, you know it's a lie, don't you?" "It was just a harmless flirtation, and then he lost his head." "Don't you know it's a lie?" "Of course I do." "I wouldn't believe a silly story like that." "Polly." "Mother, I don't believe it." "Mr. Adams, I must ask you never to speak to my daughter again." "Bob, I'm going with you." "You'll stay here." "Yes, Polly." "You stay here." "It's only for a little while." "The whole thing is ridiculous." "HENNESSEY:" "You're ready?" "Yes." "PENELOPE:" "I'm so sorry, Bob." "Don't keep it up any longer." "All right." "I'll have a confession out of him in half an hour." "Come on, you." "MRS. POTTER:" "Will you come back here?" "HAMMER:" "Now, we take lot number 27." "I've been so unsuccessful in disposing these other lots that I'll give a half a pound of tea with every lot I sell." "There's one way to wipe out this disgrace." "You must make people forget that you ever knew this young man." "Mother!" "What are you saying?" "You see what's come of your way." "Now I'm going to have mine." "Mr. Yates?" "Yes, Mrs. Potter?" "MRS. POTTER:" "My daughter has reconsidered her answer." "Mother." "MRS. POTTER:" "Your engagement will be announced tonight." "That's wonderful, Polly." "I shall give a dinner at the hotel..." "A dinner?" "You want the 30 or the 40-cent dinner?" "You may invite everyone..." "It's 50 with Jell-O, and how you can Jell-O." "In honor of the engagement of my daughter to Mr. Harvey Yates." "Let me be the last to congratulate you, and you, too." "I'm sure you'll have a very dismal wedding." "MAN:" "Congratulations, Yates." "WOMAN:" "Congratulations, Polly." "(PEOPLE CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)" "Coming, Polly?" "In a minute." "Please go ahead." "Why, what's the matter, dear?" "Nothing." "Please go." "All right." "I'll wait for you." "(SOMBER INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "(SOBBING)" "You got the key?" "That's fine." "Wait, look." "I got the saw." "You gotta get something." "We get Bob out." "Hurry up." "CHICO:" "Bob!" "How do you do?" "Hello." "What are you doing here?" "I didn't know they allowed visitors." "We come to get you out." "We gotta be quick." "You shouldn't have bothered." "I might as well stay here." "You gotta come out." "Polly, she wants you." "Polly wants me?" "She gotta have you because tonight she's gonna be engaged." "Engaged?" "Gonna be married." "Mrs. Potter, she's gonna give a big engagement dinner." "To who?" "To Polly." "He's engaged to Polly." "Everybody's gonna be there." "You, too." "Polly's gonna marry Yates?" "That's right." "Get me out of here quick." "Wait." "We get you out." "Hey, paisan." "Bring in the..." "Come on." "Hurry up." "Quick." "(CLANKING)" "CHICO:" "Now we get you out." "Thanks." "I don't want anything to eat." "Not at a time like this." "Hurry up." "Get me out of here." "CHICO:" "We get you out." "What's the matter?" "What did you do?" "Come on." "Break the lock." "Come on." "Hurry." "What's the matter with you?" "Come on." "Stop fighting!" "This is no time to fight." "Come on." "Hurry up." "Get me out of here, quick." "Come on." "Hurry." "(BOB CHUCKLING)" "CHICO:" "Come on." "Hurry up, Bob." "Everybody's away." "(HORN TOOTING)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Is that so?" "Well, I'll attend to that." "Boy." "It's reported that a poker game going on in room 420." "Go up and see if you can get me a seat." "Yes, sir." "(HARPO WHISTLES)" "All right." "I'll be right over." "All right, Bob." "The coast is clear." "Nobody around." "Here he is." "We got him." "We got him all right." "Hello." "Are you out on parole?" "These gentlemen helped me to get out." "I'm ever so much obliged to you." "They told me it was your idea." "I can't begin to thank you." "Maybe you do as much for me sometime." "Well, arrivederci." "Good-bye." "I can't begin to thank you." "(BOB CHUCKLING)" "Why, that's polygamy." "Believe me, it's no fun being in jail." "Jail is no place for a young fella." "There's no advancement." "But seriously, you know that story of Penelope's was all a lie, don't you?" "What's the use of worrying?" "You're gone today and here tomorrow." "But you know it was a lie." "How am I gonna prove it?" "(HARPO WHISTLES)" "BOB:" "What is it?" ""Silent Red wanted by the police."" "(CLATTERING)" "HAMMER:" "What's going on here?" "(LOUD CLATTERING)" "HAMMER:" "Everything's been dropping from on high here." "HAMMER:" "Grapefruit." "(HAMMER CLEARS THROAT)" "I hope I still got my underwear on." "You know..." "Come here with that." "I felt kind of flimsy." "Bob." "Yes, sir." "Go upstairs and count the rooms." "I think the third floor is missing." "I'll put this stuff in here until I get ready to go upstairs." "Wait just a moment." ""Blackstone Hotel, Chicago"..." ""Statler Hotel, Cleveland"?" "Those are mine." "Can you imagine that?" "(WHISTLES)" "More papers than any man I've ever knew." ""Granada Road." "Cocoanut Road."" ""Granada Road, Cocoanut..."" "(BOB CHUCKLING)" ""Granada..."" "If you get it twice more, you're allowed to keep it." "(HAMMER LAUGHING)" "(BOB SNICKERS)" "Come here with that, will you?" "You can beat that, but you can't tie it." ""Granada Road..."" "Don't talk." "He'll take the words right out of your mouth." ""Granada..."" ""Granada Road." "Cocoanut Road." "Hollow stump." "Jewels."" "Tell me, where did you find this?" "That's a great guy to ask." "Where did you find this?" "(HORN TOOTING)" "Mr. Hammer, whoever drew this knows something about that robbery." "Look." "(SLOW BALLETIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "(BALLETIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC INTENSIFIES)" "(SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "♪ The skies" "♪ Will all be blue" "♪ When my dreams" "♪ Come true" "♪ And I'll be" "♪ Smiling through" "♪ When my dreams" "♪ Come true" "♪ That Spanish castle" "♪ I built in my mind" "♪ Will be our love nest" "♪ The practical kind" "♪ And I'll be there" "♪ With you" "♪ When my dreams" "♪ Come true ♪" "Penelope, dear, so good of you to come." "Thanks so much, Mrs. Potter." "Isn't it lovely?" "You're a lucky boy, Harvey." "Yes." "I know the party will be a big success." "I hope so." "MAN:" "Hello, Penelope." "PENELOPE:" "Hello." "I didn't know you'd be here." "MAN:" "Anywhere that you are." "How do you do?" "How do you do?" "Is Mr. Hammer coming?" "Mr. Hammer?" "Yes." "He'll be here directly." "(MRS. POTTER LAUGHING)" "MRS. POTTER:" "Mr. Hammer, your costume is wonderful." "This costume has been condemned by Good Housekeeping." "I love the color scheme." "That isn't a scheme." "It's a conspiracy." "Señor Chico Joseph Maria de Accunia" "Count de Elsinore." "On Track 25." "(SENSATIONAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)" "Listen, Count, as soon as the guests leave," "I'd like you to take the ashes out." "His Excellency, the ambassador from San Rafaelo." "Señor de Harpeno." "(SENSATIONAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "(HARPO TOOTS HORN)" "Nix on that stuff." "It's just a breath of old Ireland." "I can see me old mother coming down the old path." "And I can see the old... (HARPO WHISTLES GLEEFULLY)" "(HAMMER HUMMING)" "♪ Pop goes the weasel ♪" "(HARPO CONTINUES WHISTLING)" "There goes the weasel now." "I'm so glad you came, Mr. Hennessy." "That's all right, madam." "At a party like this, you've got to have the law around." "Now, a nice woman like you needs protection, and I'm here to see that you get it." "There are some shady characters hanging around that I'm going to keep an eye on." "What's that you gave him?" "I no give nothing." "HENNESSEY:" "Give me that, I tell you." "Who got my shirt?" "What's become of my shirt?" "I want my shirt." "You've lost your shirt." "Yes." "Can you describe this shirt?" "What's that?" "HAMMER:" "Here." "Now, look." "This cross..." "This cross marks the spot where the shirt was last seen." "Cut that out." "HAMMER:" "Remain quiet, will you please?" "Just as I thought." "You birds are all in on this thing and you're all trying to keep me from finding my shirt." "That's a lie, you whelp." "Whelp!" "HENNESSEY:" "I want my shirt." "He wants his shirt." "HENNESSEY:" "I want my shirt." "He wants his shirt." "♪ He wants his shirt" "♪ I want my shirt" "♪ He wants his shirt" "♪ I want my shirt" "♪ He wants his shirt" "♪ I want my shirt" "♪ I want my shirt I can't be happy without my shirt" "♪ He wants his shirt he wants his shirt" "♪ He can't be happy without his shirt" "♪ I want my shirt" "♪ He wants his shirt" "♪ He can't be happy without his shirt" "♪ He wants his shirt he wants his shirt" "♪ He won't be happy till he has his shirt" "♪ He's got it, he's got it!" "♪ I've got my shirt back Thank God, I've got my shirt" "♪ I've got my shirt I've got my shirt" "♪ You'll never know how deeply I was hurt" "♪ I thought I'd lost my shirt" "♪ It was given to me by my brother Bert ♪ His brother Bert" "♪ That's why I love this shirt" "♪ The beautiful shirt ♪ My shirt" "♪ The wonderful shirt" "♪ Now that I've found my shirt" "♪ Good-bye!" "♪" "And, now, friends, now that we've found Hennessy's shirt, would you look for a collar button that I lost here?" "HAMMER:" "Size 13 and a half." "Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you'll all find places at the table we'll have a short entertainment before supper." "Eat!" "Come on." "How about us giving this joint the air and indulging in some snappy necking?" "What?" "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "(MRS. POTTER KNOCKING ON TABLE)" "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Hammer will now act as Master of Ceremonies." "Mr. Hammer." "(ALL CHEERING EXCITEDLY)" "Ladies and gentlemen... $200!" "On behalf of the Rotary Club of Minneapolis" "I want to take this occasion of welcoming you to Waukegan." "No, I mean, in recognition of my many years of service with the railroad, you have presented me with these ties." "And that, of course, reminds me of the story of the Irishman." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "It's so funny." "I wish I could think of it." ""Oft in the stilly night The trembling of a leaf can be heard" ""Sighing through the trees and the babbling brook" ""As it wends its way onward, babbling and..."" "Well, I got rid of one." "And one like that is worth three ordinary ones." "Where was I?" "Yes, on this chair." "That's right." "Western cattle opened at 15 and a quarter." "Yearlings and spring veal showed a firm tone." "And eggs were a little touchy on a falling market." "My mother and father talked it over, and they finally moved to New York." "They took a little house in the Bronx, and it was in that house that Abraham Lincoln was born, quite to my father's surprise." "And that, boys and girls, was the beginning of the Lincoln Highway." "Friends, in view of the fact that Miss Polly's engagement is being celebrated here tonight," "I think a few words from her mother would be revolting." "I now take great pleasure in presenting to you the well-preserved and partially pickled Mrs. Potter." "Come on now, give the little girl a big hand." "Speech, big speech." "My good friends, if I could only tell you how rosy-hued everything seems to be tonight." "As I look into your faces, they're all lit with gay laughter." "The whole world, and everything in it is bathed in a soft, flowing, luminous haze." "The old gal is stewed to the eyebrows." "And now, I want to wish you all a most enjoyable evening." "As for myself, I'm sad." "I simply can't go any further." "I'll get off with you." "Now friends, I want to take great pleasure in presenting to you the groom, Mr. Yates." "Mr. Harvey Yates." "Good evening, radio fans." "We are now back in the studio." "Stand by for your station announcer." "My dear, dear friends." "(HARVEY STUTTERING)" "I really don't know what to say..." "Well, shut up." "What a splendid suggestion." "I feel highly honored, but I'm afraid I'm not much of a speechmaker." "HARVEY:" "Nevertheless, Mr. Hammer, it was nice of you to call on me." "You must call on me sometime." "I was just about to..." "Come up and see my flower beds." "What I intended to say..." "I'd like you to see my pansies." "The short pansies and long pansies." "I was just going to say..." "Next spring, I'll get some early bloomers." "As I was about to say..." "There seems to be a steady stream flowing in and out over there." "I wouldn't dream of taking up anymore of your time." "I really wanted to thank you all, and as I said before," "I hadn't intended to make a speech at all." "But you certainly succeeded." "Now, friends..." "Now what's the matter with him?" "HAMMER:" "That's that good Gulf gas." "(MRS. POTTER MUTTERING ANGRILY)" "Hey, what are you doing?" "Mr. Hammer, can't you do something?" "HAMMER:" "I don't have to." "They're doing plenty." "Now, ladies and gentlemen, the first musical number that we intend to portray will be the beginning and ending of a very..." "We're gonna have music." "The first musical number on the program will be a piccolo solo, which we will skip." "The second number will be Señor Pastrami, the Lithuanian pianist." "Señor, for his first selection, will play" "A cup of coffee, a sandwich and you from the opera Aida." "Señor, allow me to escort you to the dais." "Señor Pastrami, what is the first number?" "Number one." "(PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)" "(PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC)" "And now, friends, I want to present to you, a charming little lady." "Down in front." "Sit down." "The little lady who is to become Mrs. Harvey Yates, over my dead body." "I know I have the sincere wishes of all my friends." "I can only tell you how much I appreciate it." "I think I can honestly say this is the happiest moment of my life." "Look what I have here." "It's a little engagement present just given me by Mr. Yates." "He wrote it just now." "But he wrote another yesterday when a necklace was stolen." "They are both in his handwriting." "Let me read it to you." "It shows how to get to Cocoanut Manor and the hollow tree stump, and reads, "Hollow stump, jewels."" "MRS. POTTER:" "I don't believe it." "POLLY:" "See for yourself." "MAN:" "Yates is gone." "Yates is gone?" "And I gave him a check this morning for $1,000." "It's a good thing it was my personal check." "Mr. Hammer." "There's a man who wants to see you with a black moustache." "Tell him I've got one." "I think you will want to see him." "His name is Mr. John W. Berryman." "He has accepted my architectural plans for the development of Cocoanut Manor." "HAMMER:" "Well, happy days, old boy." "Thank you." "(CHICO SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)" "He also wants to know if you can accommodate 400 guests for the weekend." "HAMMER:" "Four hundred guests?" "CHICO:" "Four hundred guests." "MRS. POTTER:" "What in the world's the matter?" "What is it?" "Mother, you must admit you were mistaken." "Mr. Adams, how can you ever forgive me?" "Please, Mrs. Potter." "Ladies and gentlemen, you're all invited to attend the wedding of my daughter." "The wedding will take place exactly as planned." "That is, with the exception of a slight change." "She will be married to Mr. Robert Adams." "ALL:" "Hooray!" "(ALL EXCLAIMING JOYFULLY)" "♪ The skies will all" "♪ Be blue" "♪ When my dreams come true" "♪ And I'll be smiling through" "♪ When my dreams come true" "♪ That Spanish castle" "♪ I built in my mind" "♪ Will be our love nest" "♪ The practical kind" "♪ And I'll be there with you" "♪ When my dreams" "♪ Come true ♪" "(SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)"