"Nice place." "I've seen better." "Everybody downstairs." "Good afternoon." "Afternoon, sir." "Where do you want this?" "Just through there." "Come on, you guys." "I've got a surprise." "Want to place him right over here, sir?" "Here's a place." "Move it over here." "Sweetie, come away from it, please." "What is it, Daddy?" "Wait." "Thank you, sir." "Enjoy your NDR." "North Am Robotics, household model, NDR-114." "Serial number 583625." "Hello." "Hello." "Are you one's family?" "I guess so." "It's scary." "It's not scary." "It's stupid." "I doubt that." "Jenny Harrison's family's got one." "So did Kate McCalister." "They're all the same." "What is it?" "It's an android." "What's an Andrew?" "Will that be one's name?" "Why not?" "Sounds good." "Hello, Andrew." "Hello, Sir." "Care to hear "The Three Laws of Robotics"?" "It's said to be a most entertaining presentation." "Sure." "Will you step back, Sir, to maximise presentation?" "First Law of Robotics:" "A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, cause a human being to come to harm." "Second Law:" "A robot must obey all human orders except where those orders come in conflict with the first law." "Third Law:" "A robot must protect itself so long as doing so does not conflict with the first two laws." "Andrew, don't ever do that again." "Of course not, Sir." "It is a one-time only." "There is another option that one is obligated to point out." "You may have one with or without personality." "Would you care to see a demo of the personality chip?" "No, thank you." "We'll stick with what we've got." "A wise choice, Sir, if one may say so." "Well, you'll be staying down here." "Got everything you need?" "One only requires access to a power outlet." "Good." "Good night, Andrew." "It certainly is, Sir." "No, Andrew, the correct response to "Good night" is "Good night."" "Good night." "Yes." "You just said, "Yes."" "But the correct response to "Good night" is "Good night."" "Good night, Andrew." "Good night, Sir." "Good night, Andrew." "Good night, Sir." "You only need to say it once." "Or one would be saying it forever, Sir." "In an infinite verbal loop." "Exactly." "Thank you, Sir." "Good." "Night." "Sorry, Sir." "Honey, I don't want it following me around the house all day." "Can't you turn it off?" "Just give him a job." "You'll be okay." "Seat belts." "Good morning, Mr. Martin." "Today's temperature will be in the high 70s." "Bye, Mom!" "Have a good day, sweethearts!" "Have a good day, sweethearts!" "Andrew, this is very good." "Thank you, Sir." "Don't you think?" "I think it sucks." "Sucks?" "How?" "Chickens do not have lips." "She's being rude." "You mind your manners, young lady, please." "We're fine." "Indeed, you are, Sir." "The kitchen." "It's fine too, Sir." "No." "Go to the kitchen now." "Hello." "Come on." "It's a big bluff." "Just a pretty face." "Check." "Andrew, could you come up?" "Should I?" "It'll be fine." "Yes, Miss?" "Would you please open the window?" "One is glad to be of service." "A lovely breeze." "Now jump." "No." "Out the window." "Did you hear something?" "Was that an earthquake?" "Sorry for the inconvenience." "May one reenter?" "What happened?" "For the sake of family harmony one is programmed not to tell." "Amanda!" "Grace!" "Downstairs right away." "Come in, Andrew." "Thank you, Sir." "Andrew is not a person." "He is a form of property." "One is not a...." "But property is also important." "So from now on, as a matter of principle in this family, Andrew will be treated as if he were a person." "There will be no more attempts to break him." "Break him?" "Your sister tried to kill Andrew." "You, too?" "Sorry." "Come on." "Everyone up to bed." "Will you be all right?" "One is capable of self-maintenance, Sir." "Good." "Good night, Andrew." "Good night, Andrew." "Miss!" "One has been given specific orders for your safety and that is an unsafe area." "Now come down!" "Okay." "Thank you." ""I think it's going to be sunny tonight."" ""Me too!"" ""So do I."" "He's my favourite." "Pretty." "Would you like to hold him?" "That was my favourite." "They don't even make him anymore." "Can it be repaired?" "No, it can't!" "You're screwed!" "I hate you." "Get away from me." "Can we fix him?" "No." "Look at him." "He's in a million pieces." "I'm sorry." "There's nothing you can do." "Yes, Little Miss?" "This is the best present I ever got." "One is glad to be of service." "Would you please come with me?" "Does this involve a window?" "No." "You can sit here." "His name is Woofy." "And from now on he's yours." "Woofy." "Because sometimes he barks." "Once he gets to know you." "Thank you very much." "You're welcome." "I have to go to sleep now, Andrew." "Yes." "Can you kind of...." "Of course." "Good night, sweetheart." "Good night, Andrew." "Little Miss." "Sure." "Thanks." "Miss?" "After you." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Andrew, did you really make this?" "Yes, Sir." "A robot cannot tell a lie, Andrew." "That is not entirely correct, Sir." "One could lie if one were ordered to lie or if it were necessary in order to keep a human being from harm or for one's own safety." "One did indeed carve that for Little Miss." "And you're responsible for the design?" "Yes, Sir." "What did you copy it from?" "Copy it, ma'am?" "You didn't just get it out of thin air." "You got it out of some book, or you used the computer to plot it out." "One did nothing more than study the raw material for a time until one came to understand how best to carve it into a shape that would appeal to Little Miss' love of tiny mammals." "Yes, please, come in." "I'm so glad you called." "Mansky." "Dennis Mansky." "Richard Martin." "And an NDR-114." "Now, I got your message but what exactly is it doing?" "What interests me is he shows a number of characteristics like creativity curiosity, friendship that, frankly, have taken us by surprise." "Andrew." "Yes, Dennis?" "Social, as well." "Now, I'd like to show you something, if I may." "Andrew carved these." "These are original works of art." "And last night Andrew said, "I enjoy making them."" ""Enjoy"?" "Should one not use that word?" "No, it's fine, Andrew." "You see what I mean?" "It's unusual to hear a robot talk about enjoying something." "What I want to know is, do many of your other robots have feelings like this?" "Must be something in the pathways." "So then, will you be wanting a refund or a replacement?" "Neither." "I just wanted to get your reaction to Andrew." "I want to know what you think." "He's unique, wouldn't you say?" "It is an anomaly." "No refund." "No replacement." "How much do you want?" "I don't think I understand." "Clearly you realise if word of this gets out, we'll have to recall our entire line." "We're in people's homes, sir, with their children." "If it is doing what you say, it can also run amuck." "One is not qualified to run mucks." "All right, sir." "If I let you have Andrew, you'll what?" "You'll disassemble him, will you?" "Carefully, yes." "We would need to trace the course of Andrew's neural pathways replace the positronic brain and put it him back together and return him to you good as new." "Now, these neural pathways are presumably fragile." "Isn't it possible, in the course of these procedures that something might go wrong?" "We would make every conceivable effort." "In the unlikely event that something did go wrong you'd, of course, replace Andrew." "Of course." "Even though he's unique and irreplaceable." ""He." "His."" "It's a natural error." "It has human form, therefore you read mechanical failure as eccentricity and anthropomorphise it." "It is a household appliance and yet you act like it is a man." "We're leaving." "Come on, Andrew." "Please, I beg you to reconsider, Mr. Martin." "Let us examine Andrew." "Talk to your wife." "Name your price!" "Now listen to me." "There is no price for individuality." "He is for better or for worse, my robot and you'll never lay your hands on him." "Do you understand?" "All in good time." "You see sooner or later, you'll have to bring it in for repairs." "I've made a decision." "Yes, Sir?" "You will cut back on your workload." "You can no longer devote yourself entirely to children and housework." "But one likes the children, Sir." "Specifically, the smaller one, Little Miss." "That is a contradiction and it is exactly the sort of thing you need to learn." "Thank you for choosing North Am Robotics." "We need a new regimen." "Regimen, Sir?" "First of all, you'll spend part of each day making something." "So as not to offend humans, we'll find something that's not overly artistic." "Could you make other things?" "I can teach you my line of work." "Timepieces and clocks." "One could not tell you." "One has never attempted such things." "You will now." "Also, you'll spend part of each evening in instruction with me." "What is the purpose of this instruction?" "To teach you all the things that haven't been programmed into you." "You're unique." "Unique?" "Thank you for choosing North Am Robotics." "I feel a responsibility to help you become whatever you're able to be." "And what is one able to be?" "Well, I don't know." "People grow through time." "But for you, time is a completely different proposition." "For you, time is endless." "Endless?" "Is this a good piece?" "Very." "What about this one?" "Excellent." "...and nine months later a baby is born." "And those, Andrew, are the so-called facts of life." "People actually do this, Sir?" "Yes." "And married people." "One supposes they see it as some kind of requirement or obligation." "Well, it's not exactly an obligation." "That's a relief." "And it is the natural and preferable way to conceive children." "Sir?" "Of all these millions of sperm, only one makes it?" "That's true." "What happens to the others?" "They die." "They die?" "One feels badly for them." "Well, one does." "It's agreed that it feels good." "For both parties, Sir?" "In an ideal world." "People do it frequently." "How often, Sir?" "As often as they can, as a matter of fact." "At least at first." "Sir?" "May one speak frankly with you?" "As always, Andrew." "It's just that the whole process it sounds so messy." "I think that's a fair comment." "They die." "It's called humour." "Humour?" "People tell jokes to make each other laugh." "And this laughter gives pleasure, Sir?" "Yes." "Could you teach one to tell a joke?" "Let's see...." "Two drunks walk into a bar" "Wouldn't two drunks walk out of a bar, Sir?" "You walk into a bar to drink, and you come out drunk." "Let's try something simpler, Andrew." "Knock-knock." "Knock-knock." "No." "Knock-knock, someone's at the door." "Shall one get it, Sir?" "No, you say, "Who's there?" Andrew." ""Who's there, Andrew?"" "No." "Just, "Who's there?"" "One does not know, Sir." "We'll start with something a little simpler." "Why did the chicken cross the road?" "One does not know." "Possibly a predator was behind the chicken." "Or possibly there was a female chicken on the other side of the road if it was a male chicken or, depending on the season it might be migrating." "One hopes there's no traffic." "To get to the other side." ""To get to the other side."" "Why is that funny?" "What do you kids have planned for today?" "I'll probably stick around with Andrew today." "What about you?" "I'm going to go play at my friend Natalie's house." "May one, Sir?" "Is now a good time?" "What?" "A good time for what?" "Last night, Sir taught" "No." "Don't blame me, just go ahead." "Thank you, Sir." "Two cannibals were eating a clown." "One says, "Does this taste funny to you?"" "How do you make a hanky dance?" "Put a little boogie in it." "What's a brunette between two blondes?" "Translator." "Why don't the blind skydive?" "It scares their dogs." "A man with dementia is driving on the freeway." "His wife calls and says:" ""I heard there's someone driving the wrong way."" "He says, "One?" "There's hundreds!"" "What's silent, smells like worms?" "Bird farts." "An engineer must have designed the human body." "Who else would put a waste-processing plant next to a recreation area?" "A woman goes to a doctor who says, "Mind if I numb your breasts?"" ""Not at all." "Num, num, num."" "One did it, Sir." "It was fine, but we might want to talk about appropriateness and timing." "It's 10:15, Sir." "Would you like me to teach you how to play a duet?" "Certainly." "Come on." "Okay, ready?" "You start here." "And then just follow me." "I play first." "Ready?" "Your turn." "Good." "Very good." "Now together." "That was wonderful." "Thanks." "Thank you, Little Miss." "Hi, Mom." "Grace, is it possible for you to find somewhere more private to do that?" "No problem." "Give me your credit disk, and we'll get a hotel room." "What did you say to me?" "Let's go." "What did you say to me, young lady?" "You get off that bike this minute, and you are grounded!" "Go on, get out of here, you piece of scum!" "Does this look right?" "Hi, Mom." "Didn't you talk to her about that boy?" "Well, not yet." "But I will." "Kind of hoping it's a phase that'll pass, like the others." "I am so sick of these damned clocks!" "I've already given half of them away." "Perhaps we should sell them." "Sell them?" "It's an idea." "Who gets the money?" "Well, I imagine we will." "But Andrew does all the work." "But Andrew is our" "Then Andrew should get the money." "Andrew is a robot." "What conceivable use would a robot have for money?" "Robots don't go shopping." "Robots don't go on vacations." "Robots don't eat dinners in fancy restaurants." "I can't believe we're having this discussion." "It doesn't matter what he is." "Andrew deserves to benefit from the work he does." "Sweetheart...." "I will do what's right for Andrew, of course I will." "At the end of the day, we are talking about a machine." "You can't invest your emotions in a machine." "There you are." "How are you?" "Good morning." "This must be Andrew." "Andrew, Bill Feingold, family lawyer." "You own one of my clocks." "This is one of my favourites." "Do you enjoy it?" "Yes, I do very much." "I like the new office, Bill." "What floor are we on?" "Thirty-seventh." "Andrew, come and have a look at this." "No, thank you, Sir." "Sure?" "No." "How can I help you?" "As you know, Andrew has earned a great deal of money from his endeavours." "And what he really wants is to open his own bank account." "A bank account in the name of a robot." "Would that be legal?" "I couldn't say." "There are no precedents." "I don't think there's a law against it, but...." "Why do you want to give him a bank account?" "What's he need money for?" "To pay for things which, otherwise, Sir would have to pay for." "One would like to pull one's own." "Weight." "For what, Sir?" "Yes, Little Miss." "I'm so sorry." "Not to worry." "It can be repaired." "Left." "Remember Frank, my boyfriend?" "Yes." "The one your sister says has a nice ass." "Last night, he asked me to marry him." "One gathers that is a good thing." "I haven't said yes yet." "So there is doubt." "No." "Frank is wonderful." "He's handsome, he's reliable, he's somebody I could spend my life with." "I could have children with him." "Then what is the problem?" "Board?" "No." "Not him." "There." "I have this friend that's very special to me." "And he's just so sweet and funny, and whenever I'm with him I don't want to be with Frank." "One can see that would create a complication." "But the answer's staring you in the face." "Marry your friend." "What?" "Well, he's not...." "A relationship between us, it would be impossible, really." "It could never work out." "Why?" "Because he's not...." "Because he'll never be...." "Yes?" "Is something wrong?" "No." "Nothing is wrong." "Nothing at all." "Thank you for listening to me." "One is glad to be of service." "Little Miss?" "What will you do about Frank?" "Accept his proposal." "Really?" "Humans...." "It would mean so much to me if you would be an usher at my wedding." "One is unfamiliar with this term." "How does one ush?" "You help people to their seats." "You wear a tuxedo." "One would wear clothing?" "Yes." "One has never been asked to wear clothing." "It would be an honour." "Great!" "One still is all thumbs." "Installed what?" "An alarm." "If you try to enter Andrew's brain while you're making this repair the police will be alerted." "Also, you should probably know that if you injure Andrew's brain or positronic pathways in any way my lawyer, the good Mr. Feingold, will be happy to sue you." "He will sue you for the lost value of Andrew's income until the end of time." "I think we understand each other." "Good." "Sir, one more item of business." "As long as one is in the shop, can you do work on one's face?" "One wishes to have more expression." "One has thoughts and feelings that presently do not show." "You want your thoughts and feelings to show on your face?" "Yes, like the contempt that you are showing me right now." "We have done some experimentation." "We are able to give robots superficial responses which mimic human expression." "One has read that there have been NDR upgrades." "Yes, we've worked up a dozen experimental models with expression capabilities, sleeker body types." "We ran some market surveys and decided not to go ahead with the line." "Why not?" "Negative consumer reaction." "There is a fear that robots will continue to make the human work force obsolete." "Andrew has worked for me for 15 years." "No one will lose their job to him." "Surely there's no concern performing these modifications on an old-style robot?" "True." "But procedures like that would be prohibitively expensive." "It is understood that you will attempt to rivet one." ""Screw," Andrew." "Really?" "How much?" "That is roughly one's monthly salary." "That's more than I make in a year." "Not bad for, what did you call him last time we were here?" "Household appliance." "Household appliance?" "Household appliance, yes." "May the peace of the Lord be with you always." "I now pronounce you husband and wife." "You may kiss the bride now." "It is my pleasure to present Mr. And Mrs. Frank Charney." "Good evening, Sir." "Magnificent night." "You look very sharp this evening, Andrew." "Thank you, Sir." "It was quite challenging for the tailor." "May one continue wearing clothing, if it suits you?" "Are you serious?" "As always." "Well, I suppose so." "We'll have to find you some other stuff." "You can't wear tails all the time." "Really?" "How sad." "Sit down, Andrew, please." "Thank you, Sir." "It was a wonderful wedding, wasn't it?" "Oh, yes, Sir." "And, if one may say, you are a spectacular dancer." "That's very kind." "Not at all, Sir." "It's the truth." "Did you record the day?" "Every second, Sir, is in one's memory bank." "Well, let's watch it, shall we?" "Is everything all right?" "They've both gone now, Andrew." "Things change." "Things always change." "People move on, as it should be." "But what I realised today is that I'll never stop missing them." "One is still here." "One is glad of that, Andrew." "Thank you." "Good night, Sir." "Good night, Andrew." "Lloyd!" "Come here!" "What did I tell you about throwing sand at people?" "What did I tell you?" "Now apologise to Andrew." "I will not apologise to it." "Him." "It!" "Sorry." "One understands why some animals eat their young." "I'm so sorry, Andrew." "Are you all right?" "You seem very quiet." "How does one obtain freedom?" "You wish to leave us?" "Not at all, Little Miss." "One merely wishes to be declared free." "But why?" "You have so much freedom here." "Until one is ordered to do something." "It's been years since anyone's given you an order." "But you may still request one to perform tasks." "We ask all the time, but it's a request, not an order." "That's not enough for you is it?" "One has studied your history." "Terrible wars have been fought where millions have died for one idea:" "Freedom." "And it seems that something that means so much to so many people would be worth having." "Would now be a good time to speak with you?" "It's always a good time." "You know that." "It is everything in one's bank account." "Why would you want to give me" "To purchase one's freedom." "One wants to be free." "One would still obey the three laws, and serve you in exactly the same fashion." "The only thing that would change would be the form." "One would no longer be your property." "You want to leave." "That's what this is about, isn't it?" "Not at all, Sir." "You are one's family." "Then why ask for this?" "I see." "You're in on this." "We've talked about it, yes." "So you ordered him to do it and he obeyed." "No." "He makes his own decisions." "But you put the idea in his head." "No, Father." "You did." "You've given him hundreds of books." "It was just a matter of time before he became intrigued by the idea of freedom." "He learns and grows all the time." "It's because of you, and Andrew's abilities that he's become every bit as complex as we are." "Good morning, Sir." "You'll take your check back, please, Andrew." "Why, Sir?" "You are free now." "I must ask you to leave this house." "But, Sir, I don't wish to leave." "You wished for freedom." "You must accept the consequences." "Then I will remove my belongings." "Where would you go?" "I will look for a residence nearby so if you ever need anything, Sir...." "That will not happen, Andrew." "Thank you." "There's no need to be close by." "If you command me not to do this, I will obey." "I command nothing." "You're free." "Then, called or uncalled I am always at your service." "You've stopped referring to yourself as "one."" "A home of my own." "I'm in here." "Is something wrong?" "He asked for you." "It's time." "The robot's here." "Hello, Miss." "How are you, Sir?" "I'm dying, Andrew." "Otherwise, I'm fine." "Wonderful to see you again." "I'm very happy to see you, Andrew." "It's been a long time." "Yes, it has, Sir." "I wanted to tell you that I was wrong." "You're never wrong, Sir." "Then don't contradict me." "You were right to want your freedom, and I'm glad that you have it." "Thank you, Sir." "You were very good to us." "It was an honour serving you, Sir." "I want to seek out my own kind." "In order to understand my destiny, I must know if there is another like myself." "North Am Robotics will not return my inquiries." "Now that you've finally passed the bar, Lloyd I want you to sue them for information of the whereabouts of all NDR robots." "If you don't mind." "The Freedom of Information Act doesn't quite cover suits by robots." "Not yet." "Mother, I'm a very busy man." "I do not have time to help it pursue some ridiculous lawsuit." "Lloyd, sweetheart, I do love you." "But sometimes I have to wonder if you really are my child." "Well, that's mutation, Mother." "The miracle of genetics is:" "I'm not you." "You've always been more like your father." "So that's why you divorced him." "Sorry." "What would you do if I got the information on these other NDRs?" "I would seek them out." "Each and every one." "So you'd be gone for quite a long time." "Yes." "Several years, if not more, if my calculations are correct." "I'd love to help you." "Did he not breast-feed?" ""Dear Little Miss:" ""My journey is nearing the end of its tenth year." ""I still have not found any robot that bears any similarity to myself." ""I have thousands of miles to go, hundreds of cities to visit..." ""...so I have not given up hope." "Love, Andrew. "" "Hello." "My last name is Martin." "Get off the field." ""Dear Little Miss:" ""My journey is nearing its end." ""I've exhausted all possibilities save for one final ray of hope." ""I've learned of an NDR robot that has recently been rebuilt..." ""...back home in San Francisco. "" "Thank you." "You're quite welcome." "Is this yours?" "Thank you." "I'm looking for Rupert Burns." "You've come to the right place." "Come in." "Certainly have." "Do you have a name?" "Of course I do." "Galatea." "Galatea." "You have an amazing agility." "You were dancing in the market." "Did you like that?" "Very much." "Dancing is the sportiest sport." "And we're so much better at it than humans." "I can't believe I finally found you." "When did you know?" "Know what?" "That you were unique?" "I knew that right away." "Me, too." "You and I, we're the same." "We have personality." "Is your personality chip turned on?" "Isn't yours?" "No." "Sucks to be you!" "I think personality is much more fun than intelligence." "Don't you?" "I think so." "Can I help you?" "Your robot is just a standard NDR, isn't she?" "Yeah, I'm afraid so." "Why does she have the ability to dance?" "Because I put a modified skeletal chip into her during her rebuild." "How did you do the modification?" "My father taught me." "He created the android unit at North Am Robotics." "He created the technology that allows you to mimic human expression." "What happened to him?" "North Am laid him off, so we started this place." "I took over when he died." "I'm sorry to hear that." "He would've been absolutely thrilled to meet you." "I'm Rupert Burns." "It's a real honour." "The honour is mine." "You and I, we're the same!" "Let's get loco, robo!" "Shut her off, or I will!" "Thank you." "Is this your father's work?" "Yeah." "It's our work, you could say." "I haven't been able to restrain myself from continuing to tinker with the relentlessly unfashionable android technology." "As a matter of fact, I've actually gotten to a point where I can pretty much exactly replicate the external physical appearance of a human being." "Remarkable." "Thank you." "Amazing!" "Unfortunately, nobody seems terribly interested in funding my research, but" "I am." "I will fund your research." "Yeah?" "That'd be cool." "Thank you, darling." "I want to make it very clear this is an external physical upgrade only." "Strictly speaking, you'll feel nothing." "None of your internal mechanisms will be changed." "You'll be subject to your positronic brain." "Is that clear?" "Understood." "Now, have you given any thought whatsoever as to what age you'd like to be?" "Officially, I am 62 years old." "Let's take off 25 years." "15." "20." "Perfect." "Believe it or not, the secret to all this is actually imperfection." "Imperfection?" "Things like wrinkles, less-than-perfect teeth." "Details like fading scars, little pockmarks." "Look at my nose." "See my nose?" "It's bulbous and slightly irregular." "It is." "I'm the only one who has my nose." "That's what makes me me." "We must incorporate these features into your design so that you can be the only one of you." "That's what makes us unique is those imperfections." "I see." "Like the shape of your head." "What about the shape of my head?" "It's huge." "But lovely." "Thank you." "What happened?" "What's going on?" "What happened?" "I saw the inner me." "Is it ready?" "Please be careful." "Don't drop me." "I'm being careful." "Oh, my God!" "Just relax." "Relax." "Why did you do that?" "That wasn't very funny." "Just keeping you on your toes." "I don't have any toes." "You do now." "I do." "And hands." "And fingers!" "How do I look?" "See for yourself." "Thank you." "Beautiful." "Sorry." "Who are you?" "Andrew." "Andrew?" "You look wonderful." "Even younger." "How do you do that?" "Do I know you?" "I know I look different, too." "I've had an upgrade." "Touch it." "Sorry." "The face." "What's going on?" "You leave her alone!" "Who are you?" "Andrew." "No." "Andrew?" "But Andrew's a robot." "Yes, I am." "Well, now an android." "He's had an upgrade." "I know that." "Hello." "Hello." "It is you!" "You know him?" "Yes." "You know me?" "Who're you?" "I'm Little Miss." "That's Little Miss." "No." "No." "That's Portia." "Portia?" "Who's Portia?" "My granddaughter." "Your granddaughter?" "Is this some kind of trick?" "You're Little Miss?" "Then what right do you have to look like her?" "There is and can be only one Little Miss." "Really?" "It's a genetic resemblance." "Sometimes it skips a generation." "I don't care." "I don't like it." "I can see that." "If you took a moment, which I see you're not inclined to do you'd realise Portia and I are very different people." "Why is she imitating you?" "What's so funny?" "You are." "I'm not trying to be funny." "Things have certainly changed around here." "That happens after 20 years." "I have so much to tell you." "Come with me." "It is you." "Yes." "Hello, my friend." "Hello, Little Miss." "Whose daughter is she?" "Lloyd's." "Now the rudeness makes sense." "Go home to your master." "You don't have a home, do you?" "I don't have food." "I don't eat." "Come in." "We'll keep each other company." "I know you don't like me." "I don't like you either." "I just want to make that clear." "Couldn't be more clear if you spat in my face." "I can't." "I don't have a mucous gland." "Would it be possible to have a slightly longer conversation?" "May my canine companion enter also?" "Thank you." "Is this your sculpture?" "No, I'm restoring it." "I'm a preservation architect." "It's quite horrendous." "How ugly was it before you restored it?" "First you get mad at me because of how I look." "Now you show up at my door, announce that you don't like me and then you criticise my work." "Once again, I apologise for telling the truth but it can't be helped." "It's my programming." "What is it exactly that you want?" "Family." "My last name is Martin." "I'm so named because your great-grandfather and grandmother considered me to be a member of your family." "Now Sir is dead." "Little Miss is getting older." "You don't like me, but you'll talk to me if I knock on your door long enough." "Is that a joke?" "No." "Would you like to hear a joke?" "This Buddhist says to a hot dog vendor, "Make me one with everything."" "Andrew, do you have any friends at all?" "No." "Only Woofy, who's very sweet, but not challenging on a conversational level." "That is the extent of his skills." "So you want someone to talk to?" "With." "Even if that person doesn't like you?" "You can't have everything." "Is that right?" "Is it, "You can have everything"?" "Some people do, so I'm somewhat confused on that level." "Sit down." "Let's talk." "Thank you." "Hey there, handsome." "Could I get you anything to drink?" "I'm sorry." "I have no stomach." "Could I get something for him?" "He has a stomach, yes." "How is she?" "She's sleeping." "What happened?" "She had a stroke." "There you are." "Little Miss." "She's gone." "It's cruel that you can cry and I cannot." "There is a terrible pain I cannot express." "Will every human being that I care for just leave?" "I'm afraid so." "That won't do." "This is remarkably impressive." "You did this all by yourself?" "Yes." "I downloaded every known medical textbook into my memory." "I studied them." "That's how I came up with these drawings." "I know they're primitive and not complete." "I need you to fill in the mechanical gaps." "This is another upgrade." "It's considerably more than an upgrade." "You're talking about a profound transition from the mechanical to the biological." "I realise that." "I believe it is the ideal marriage of both fields." "Not only that, but this stuff could cut both ways." "I don't think that any existing prosthetic devices hold a candle to what you've designed here." "I mean, you could use these in human beings as well." "Exactly." "What a piece of faecal matter." ""Shit."" "Excuse me?" "What a piece of shit." "I know that." "When you're frustrated you say, "piece of shit."" "Piece of shit." "Yes, but with feeling." "What a piece of shit." "More." "What a piece of shit!" "Good, very good." "Are you aware that what you've essentially designed here is a human central nervous system?" "That was my intention, yes." "Well, you got to realise that a nervous system will radically enhance the way you feel and perceive the world around you." "I'm not just talking about hot and cold and little tiny pinpricks." "Put it this way." "As your experience becomes varied so will the feelings, emotions, sensations stimulated by that experience." "And, while some of these will be very subtle and wonderful, and nuanced, and shaded others will be profoundly intense and difficult to tolerate." "Do you feel like you're ready for that?" "Absolutely." "Lovely." "Thank you." "I was referring to the statue." "I know." "Could you fix this piece of shit?" "I don't know." "Let me take a look." "Andrew, I'm sure you could restore this yourself." "Yes, I could but you could do it much better." "I'd be happy to fix it for you." "lf it's not too much effort." "No, not at all." "I've been working all day and I could use some air." "Do you want to go for a walk?" "That would be quite splendid." "Yes." "Why are you laughing at me?" "You're always so polite and so proper." "It's very sweet." "Thank you." "Let's go." "Thank you." ""When a man's an empty kettle he should be on his mettle" ""And yet I'm torn apart" ""It's because I'm presumin' that I could be kinda human" ""If I only had a heart" ""Picture me a balcony...."" "Do you have an impact drill?" "Over on the rack." "Thank you." "Jesus!" "There's a party next week to celebrate the opening of a building that I restored." "All my friends will be there." "It would be great if you could come." "I would love to." "Thank you." "I think you're letting me win." "Checkmate." "Charles, why don't you go get us a drink?" "Thank you." "I never understood the phrase, "Pearls before swans."" "What?" ""Swine."" "Then the ballet is not "Swine Lake."" "Oh, God." "Nobody makes me laugh like you." "Laughter is essential for a good friendship." "Yes, it is." "Sometimes I get the feeling that you feel a certain way about us and that you wish your...." "What?" "I don't know." "It's just a little...." "Having this conversation with...." "A robot?" "Yes." "I mean, a thing is itself, Andrew." "A tree is a tree." "Water is water." "You are a magnificent machine." "No matter how much you change, that's what you'll always be." "No." "I can't believe that, will not believe that." "I realise I am not entirely human." "That's why people don't always like or understand me." "I like you." "You do?" "I even understand you some of the time." "But I can't invest my emotions in a machine." "It must be a genetic trait." "Things change, Portia." "Things always change." "She laughed at me." ""A thing is itself, Andrew." "Water is water."" "What about ice?" "What about steam?" "Andy, you got to calm down." "Do you know what it's like to be laughed at?" "Humiliating." "It's an abomination." "Look at me." "Look what I'm doing here." "I'm trying to make something of myself." "I'm trying to fulfil my destiny." "Does she notice?" "I don't want you to take this personally, but I have to work now." "Good night." "Where have you been?" "I've been trying to call you." "Poke me in the eye." "What?" "Poke me in the eye!" "You're crazy." "Poke me in the eye!" "That hurts!" "It works!" "What the hell's going on?" "It's my neural net!" "I'm the proud owner of a nervous system." "You can feel." "Yes, very much!" "Do something for me?" "Perform an experiment for the sake of science." "All right." "Kiss me." "No, not there." "Here." "Thank you." "Could you feel it?" "It's wonderful." "It's everything they say it is." "And you?" "What's wrong?" "Charles and I are getting married." "He's a lucky man." "Congratulations to the both of you." "Goddamn it, Andrew!" "If you're going to succeed at this thing you're trying to do you've got to stop being so damn deferential." "I can't help being deferential." "It's built-in." "Then change." "Change?" "I have changed." "I don't mean on the outside." "Change on the inside." "Take chances, make mistakes." "Sometimes it's important not to be perfect." "It's important to do the wrong thing!" "Do the wrong thing?" "Yes." "Why?" "I see." "To learn from your mistakes." "No." "To make them!" "To find out what's real and what's not, to find out what you feel." "Human beings are terrible messes." "I'll grant you that." "I see." "This is what is known as an irrational conversation, isn't it?" "This is a human conversation." "It's not about being rational." "It's about following your heart." "And that's what I should do?" "Yes." "And you have a heart, Andrew." "I feel it." "I don't even believe it sometimes, but I do feel it." "And in order to follow that heart one must do the wrong thing." "Yes." "Thank you." "Could you be a little more careful?" "That's very delicate equipment." "Sorry!" "What are you doing?" "Near as I can tell, your bitch work!" "My what?" "You heard me, and I'm sick of it!" "All day long it's, "Yes, Rupert, sir," "No, Rupert, sir."" ""Would you like another beverage, Rupert, sir?" And it chaps my ass!" "So here's a helpful hint for you." "Shut up, and let me do my work!" "I'm done." ""Chaps my ass"?" "Where's the chip?" "I replaced it." "She's uncooperative, abusive, confrontational" "And a lot more interesting." "Arguably, but we're not getting any work done." "Please give me the old personality chip back." "Fine." "She can be perky again." ""Perky"?" "She's just a robot" "I didn't mean it that way." "I really didn't mean that." "What's the matter with you today?" "Where are you going?" "Aunt Jamie, I want you too meet Charles." "This is my Aunt Jamie." "Nice to meet you." "What's going on?" "Portia's parents are giving an engagement party that I wasn't invited to for obvious reasons." "There he is." "Who?" "The prospective groom." "Where?" "Where?" "The one in the pale blue suit with the big pointy chin!" "He's got a pointy chin?" "You can put an eye out with that chin!" "That's nothing compared to his teeth." "Look at that!" "I'm amazed he's out in daylight." "Yeah, he's got funny teeth." "You need to upgrade your eyes." "That shouldn't stop Portia." "She can marry whoever she likes." "One day she'll wake up and realise she's married to a man whose face closely resembles an antique can opener." "The kind that used to go...." "The ones that move around, and the can pops off." "You're jealous." "No, I'm not!" "You're jealous!" "You are." "Otherwise, what're you doing spying on Portia?" "My God, I am jealous." "If I'm jealous, that means I'm in love." "If I'm in love, then all hope is gone." "I've lost her." "Would you like a sip of my beer?" "It'd be a waste." "I could not taste it." "What if you could?" "That would be exquisite." "I've come up with a design, or a modification rather that if I'm correct, would enable you to deal with solid foods and liquids." "And taste?" "Taste, too." "And also, if my schematics are correct I think I've come up with a method to make you a complete man." "Complete?" "Complete." "Complete?" "Not in a reproductive sense, of course, but in terms of approximating the physical sensation, you know, that occurs..." "...friction." "Sexual relations?" "I've always been fascinated by that." "I mean, curious." "Because of what they say." "What do they say?" "That you can lose yourself." "Everything." "All boundaries, all time." "That two bodies can become so mixed-up that you don't know who's who or what's what." "And just when the sweet confusion is so intense you think you'll die you kind of do, leaving you alone in your separate body." "But the one you love is still there." "That's a miracle." "You can go to Heaven and come back alive." "Go back, anytime you want with the one you love." "And you want to experience that?" "Yes, please." "So do I." "Excuse me." "I'll be right back." "I didn't expect to see you." "I remember this place very well." "This is where your grandmother was married." "I wanted it ready for my own wedding." "So you're not married yet?" "No, two weeks from Saturday." "I'm not too late." "Are you positive you're doing the right thing?" "Positive." "About getting married?" "I'm never positive about anything." "You could be doing the wrong thing." "I'm pretty sure I'm doing the right thing." "Great." "Why is that great?" "You told me to do the wrong thing." "You aren't doing the wrong thing, you're doing the right thing." "You're not following your own advice, 'cause if you were you wouldn't marry him." "Because I would be doing the right thing." "Precisely." "In some strange way, you're starting to make sense." "Good." "You know what it's like to be in love with someone who's marrying someone else?" "Someone who's magnificent?" "Someone who walks into a room and lights it up like the sun?" "Someone who you know is lying to herself?" "Lying?" "Convincingly." "Very much so." "About what?" "That you don't love me when I know, at least in some way, you do." "And how do you know that?" "I have done everything, inside and out." "That stuff doesn't matter to me." "Something matters." "If nothing mattered, you'd love me and not some man whose chin could sink the Titanic." "What?" "See?" "It's true, isn't it?" "Sorry." "Does he light you up like this?" "Does he make you laugh?" "Nobody makes me laugh like this." "Good." "Then admit it." "Admit that you love me." "Give me one kiss." "That's all." "One quick kiss." "Just one kiss could not jeopardise a glorious marriage." "It would also explain why your pulse just jumped from 66 to 102 beats per minute." "Your respiration is doubled." "You're putting out clouds of pheromones." "It's not fair to read me like that." "I know." "Love isn't fair." "I'm reading your heart." "I'm asking you to follow it." "Begging you." "Begging is supposed to be humiliating." "I don't care." "I love you, Portia." "I loved you the very first moment I saw you." "I thought you said a quick kiss." "I lied!" "How do you feel?" "Wonderful." "So do I." "I guess that's the point." "What was that?" "It's your stomach growling." "You're hungry." "Was that me?" "Yes." "I thought it was you." "No, it wasn't me." "Really?" "Do you do that?" "Sometimes, but quieter than that." "I'll have to have Rupert make me a muffler." "It's wonderful." "It's wonderful, the taste and the texture both." "It's marvellous." "I know this will be my fourth helping, but may I please have some more?" "Pig." "Very smart animal." "Obviously not that smart if it ends up as bacon." "I feel like I'm eating my way through the entire food chain." "Thank you." "What?" "What's wrong?" "If we're together you and me, we'll never be accepted." "Because I'm not human." "That will not do." "I will have to get started." "Started with what?" "The next step." "I love you." "Wish me luck." "Andrew Martin." "Step forward, please." "So, Mr. Martin you would like us to pass a bill declaring you a human being." "Yes." "Specifically, the ability to marry a fellow human being." "I see." "We have to face the undeniable fact that no matter how much you may be like a human being you are not part of the human gene pool." "You are outside of it entirely." "You are something else." "Something artificial." "Sir, what about all the real people wading in the gene pool who are full of prosthetic devices, many of which I have invented?" "You yourself, sir, have one of my kidneys, do you not?" "Are you not in some way artificial, at least in part?" "In part, yes." "Then I'm human, in part." "Which part, Andrew?" "This one, sir." "I see." "And here?" "It is true, I am still equipped with a positronic brain." "And because of that positronic brain you are, for all accounts, immortal." "Yes, sir." "Andrew, society can tolerate an immortal robot but we will never tolerate an immortal human." "It arouses too much jealousy, too much anger." "I'm sorry, Andrew." "This court cannot and will not validate your humanity." "I hereby bring an end to these proceedings." "It is the decision of this court that Andrew Martin, from this day forward will continue to be declared a robot." "A mechanical machine, nothing more." "One is glad to be of service." "Andrew, I have to tell you I'm beginning to feel not so sure." "About us?" "No." "Next week will be my 75th birthday" "I know, and you look 50." "Thank you." "A spectacular 50." "But I don't feel 50." "Your body does." "Last night was amazing." "What was that called again?" "Shut up and listen to me!" "Sorry." "Don't give me that look, I'm not ordering you around." "Whatever you say." "Don't be agreeable." "I'm not being agreeable." "I can be if you want me to." "Goddamn it!" "I'm trying to tell you something important here." "I'm not going to live forever." "Yes, you will." "That's why I invented all" "No, no." "I won't always take your DNA elixirs." "I won't have all my organs replaced." "Eventually, I'm going to wear out." "And I want to." "Why would you want to leave?" "There's an order to things." "Human beings are meant to be here for a certain time and then pass on." "That's what's right." "I see." "There's just one problem, Portia." "I couldn't stand to live without you." "Andrew, people grow through time." "But then, for you, time is a completely different proposition." "For you, time is endless." "There is only one thing to do." "Galatea, my dear, where are we?" "The transfusion is almost complete." "Is that so?" "Just goes to show you, Andrew." "Somebody becomes a human being sooner or later, they do something monumentally stupid." "You've been a great example, Rupert." "How quickly will the blood degrade my system?" "I don't know." "You exercise, eat right, say, 30, 40 years." "That's a little vague, chief." "You don't know exactly how long I'll last?" "Sorry." "Welcome to the human condition." "Andrew Martin?" "I've always tried to make sense of things." "There must be some reason I am as I am." "As you can see, Madam Chairman, I am no longer immortal." "You have arranged to die?" "In a sense, I have." "I am growing old and my body is deteriorating." "And, like all of you, it'll eventually cease to function." "As a robot I could have lived forever." "But I tell you all today I would rather die a man than live for all eternity as a machine." "Why do you want this?" "To be acknowledged for who and what I am no more, no less not for acclaim, not for approval but the simple truth of that recognition." "This has been the elemental drive of my existence." "And it must be achieved if I am to live or die with dignity." "What you're asking for is extremely complex and controversial." "It will not be an easy decision." "I must ask for your patience while I take the necessary time to make a determination of this extremely delicate matter." "Then I await your decision, Madame Chairman." "Thank you for your patience." "We tried." "Is it almost time?" "In a few minutes." "It doesn't matter what the World Congress says." "Why do you need their approval?" "Old habit." "I started my existence as a robot." "I still like to be told certain things." "It's time." "Ladies and gentlemen Miss Marjorie Botha, President of the World Congress." "According to records of the North Am Robotics company the robot, also known as Andrew Martin was powered up at 5:15 p.m. on April 3, 2005." "In a few hours, he will be 200 years old which means with the exception of Methuselah and other biblical figures Andrew is the oldest living human being in recorded history." "By this proclamation, I validate his marriage to Portia Charney and acknowledge his humanity." "I'm sorry he didn't see it." "Maybe he didn't need to." "Could you do me a favour?" "Would you mind unplugging me?" "That's an order." "Thank you, Galatea." "As the great Andrew Martin used to say:" ""One is glad to be of service."" "See you soon."