"Psst" " I think I've done it." "By adding just a pinch of poblano," "I've taken my recipe for Garlic Jazz, brought it south of the border, thereby creating Baja Jazz!" "Shall we?" "This must be what bad breath tastes like." "Must be all that jazz." "Everybody dance now!" "( hums )" "Woo!" "Those hips say someone had a good meeting with Harlin today." "That song says somebody hasn't been to a club in about 10 years." "I just closed the deal for Harlin to buy a cable company, which means, as his attorney, that I am now 10% of rolling in it." "Wow, congratulations." "And I thought I was having a good day 'cause a "shishlach" vendor hit on me." "Grace, this isn't about you." "Will and I are rich!" "I think the first thing you're gonna buy me are colored contacts." "I need new eyes for fall." "Come on, Jack, you know the old saying-- give Jack a fish, he eats for a day." "Teach Jack to fish, he brings home a fisherman." "Is it warm in here, or what time is it?" "Oh my God." " That's not a Folex." " Huh-uh." "Oh my God!" "This is not "kashmere" with a K!" "No." "That's cashmere with a "cash,"" "as in, "I have tons of it!"" "Okay, Will, you know that I'm happy for you, but remember there is a line between being enthusiastic and being obnoxious." "I call that line Richard Simmons." "You're right." "You're right." "I've gotta stay true to myself and not let this go to my head." "Speaking of which-- Everybody dance now!" "(theme music playing)" "Okay, so I'm at the ATM trying to get 20 bucks to get us some coffee, and it spits out this piece of paper that says, "Funds not available."" "So I'm like, "I don't think so."" "And the guy who lives under the envelope table starts giggling at me." "Anyway, I stick my card back in, and this time, it eats my card and tells me that I'm thousands of dollars overdrawn." "Thousands!" "So... no coffee?" "No." "No coffee." "No ATM card." "No money." "And the worst part of it is the bank has me on video going like this" ""What the...?"" "Oh God." "Think." "How could this happen?" "There must be an explanation." "Well, now, I just cashed all those little checks you've been giving me." "Could that be it?" " Your paychecks?" " Mmm." "You cashed your paychecks?" "What?" "Are you insane?" "I thought we had an understanding-- you don't do any work, and in return, you don't cash your paychecks." "Honey, I had to." "Stan put me on a... budget." "Ugh, that word." "I guess it was that hat that I bought last week that pushed him over." "Wait, Stan got upset because you bought a hat?" "Well, the hat was in Geneva, and... it wasn't really a hat, it was a ski lodge." "Oh my God." "Oh my God." "Okay." "Okay, maybe we can help each other out here." "How much does Stan want to give you?" "He actually expects me to live... on this." "( Karen sighs )" "Karen, I think you can learn to live on this." "I mean, Spain does, so..." "Grace, they wear tires on their feet." "I wear Manolo Blahniks." "Okay, I'll tell you what-- Karen, my friend, you put that money back into my corporate account, and I will teach you how to live on a budget." "If this is what it means to live on a budget, then..." "Oh, what the hell." "But I'm tellin' you right now, you start throwin' around words" "like Thom McCann and Red Lobster and the deal is off." "(telephone ringing)" "Hey, if I'm not gettin' paid" " Grace Adler Designs." " Hey, I gotta cancel lunch." "Why?" "What are you gonna buy now, a goat?" "What?" " Why a goat?" " It was a joke." "I mean, you already have everything else, so the only thing left would be... a goat." " That isn't really a joke." " Okay, it was a bad joke, Will." "No, I gotta say it isn't a joke at all." "It doesn't fit any of the joke criteria." "A, it doesn't make sense, and B, there's nothing funny." "Okay, we're done." "Why are you blowing me off?" "." " I mean, maybe the word goat" " Will." "Well, I gotta let some clients go, and it may take a while." "Why are you doing that?" "'Cause of the Harlin thing?" "Well, yeah." "He's 90% of my business now, and I've gotta devote all my energy to him." "So you know, time to trim a little fat." "And by fat... you mean the people who took a chance on you when you were nobody and stuck by you through the good times and bad?" "Yeah, fat." "I think I like you better when you were dissing my goat joke." "It wasn't a joke." "Good-baa-ah." "Will:" "I've got to let some clients go today, and I figured since you've been fired more than anyone, it kinda makes you an expert." "Actually, I've been fired from every job I've ever had." "What I figured is, they'd come in and l" "No, no, no, uneducated Rita, no." "Not here, you can't do it here." "They'll start weeping and wailing, even spitting, and the next thing you know security has to come remove me from the office." " You mean my client." " Yeah, that's what I said." "Anyway, here's what you do-- you call them up, ask them what their favorite lunch place is." "You're in public, so less chance of a scene." "Then you sit 'em down, order 'em a happy meal and can their ass." " ( bell rings )" " Woo!" "A McFiring." "Favorite lunch place-- that's not a bad idea." "Yeah, that's how the library did it." "And my boss at the Swiss Colony." "And Nanna..." "What have you done?" "Aunt Honey just called me in tears." "Hey, I'm not the one that named her Aunt Honey." "You should have heard her." ""Will won't be my lawyer anymore." "I made him a cocoa 'fopurum,' and he drops me like a 'hahachuam'?"" "A hachoo-what?" "She was crying so hard I didn't catch the last word." " How could you?" " Grace, you knew this was happening." "I just don't have time for these kind of people anymore." " "These kind of people"?" " Grace, it's just business." "When I'm closing a multi-million dollar deal," "I can't be fielding calls from a woman who wants to sue Entenmann's because she gained six pounds on their fat-free coffee cake." "Okay, I get it now." "If they don't bring in the cash, you just get rid of them, willy-nilly." "I told you never to call me that." "You know, you used to care about people." "Now you're just like a bad lawyer joke." "Like, "How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" "Two." "One to screw it in, and the other to--"" "Wait, three." "Wait." "I mean-- why can't I tell a joke today?" "I'm sorry that you can't understand it, but this is the way business works." " Not my business." " That's because yourjob is shopping for pillows and tassels." "My God, a gay guy could do your job in his sleep." "Whoa." "You know, just because you are becoming the incarnation of pure evil, does not give you permission to take it out on me." "I'm trying to do whatever it takes to make my business go from here to here." "Yeah, and as a result, your morality has gone from here to here." "Funny, my interest in this conversation just went from here to here!" "And your lips can go from here to here." "(telephone rings )" " Hello." " Hey, Will, it's Harlin." " Hey, Harlin." " Listen, I was wondering if you got any free time tomorrow." "I'd like to get together." "Harlin, for my number one client, I've got nothing but time." "Good, good." "What's your favorite lunch place?" "Harlin, I just don't want to see you make a big mistake." "You know I like you, but I've moved on to a different level now." "I need someone bigger." "It's not personal, it's strictly business." "I understand that and I know you said your mind's made up" " It is." "My mind's made up." " Right." "Right." "But imagine just for a second that it isn't." "Well, in order to do that, I would have to use my mind, and my mind's made up." "Well, I guess there's no arguing with frontier logic." "All right." "That's-- that's your decision, and I have to respect it." "Thank you, Will." "I'm gonna have to send you a copy of "Tuesdays with Morrie."" "Really makes you grateful for what you have." " See ya, partner." " (dial tone )" "We're in the money, we're in the money" "We got a lot of-- what?" "How could you let yourself get fired?" "Ohh!" "Just breathe, Jack." "But where am I to go from here, Will?" "What's to become of me?" "I don't think I can handle this anymore." "Jack!" "I'm the one that just lost my biggest client." "I'm the one that got fired." "Me, remember?" "Oh, sure." "It's always about you, isn't it?" "What am I supposed to do?" "Who's gonna pay for my gym membership?" "I've got parachute pants on layaway." "And the food, the food..." "God, I'm giddy from hunger!" "And another thing-- when you said a gay guy could do my job in his sleep, what I should have said was," "I know one gay guy, I don't know how he sleeps." "Ha!" "Finally broke that joke jinx, huh?" "Run along, Shecky, I've had a bad day." "Okay?" "Aww, Will's had a bad day." "What happened?" "Did you crush someone and they got stuck in your Gucci sandals?" "Aww!" "Grace, I'm really not in the mood for this." "I don't care, you're gonna listen to me." "You know, you may be on top of the world right now, but there is a thing called karma, and one of these days it's gonna come back, and it's gonna bite you on the ass." "And when it does, I'm gonna be standing over you singing the "Told you so" song." "Oh, how's that go again?" "Told you so, told you so" "Told ya, told ya, told ya so." "Mother of God, make her stop." "Look, all I'm saying, Will, is you better pray that Harlin never leaves you" " Oh my God, Harlin." " Jack, Jack, Jack!" "Look, Harlin is not going to leave me." "Harlin loves me." "Together we're going to make a lot of money." "Now, have I introduced you to my door?" "I hope you're right, Will." "'Cause you know that "Told you so" song?" "It comes with a special dance." "Here's a little preview." "Okay, Karen, this is working." "By consolidating all your credit cards and turning the remaining one into a travel card, you save on interest and travel expenses." "And that works out to a savings of... (printer clicking)" "Voilà!" "Karen?" "Oh, that felt good." "Oh, boy." "Ahh." "Where did you go?" "Oh, all of your yap-yap-yapping about budgets was bringing me down." "So I popped into lrnez and told 'em to give me $5,000 worth of anything!" "Karen, I'm trying to help you." "Look, I know-- I know it's scary, but I promise you, once you get into the swing of things, it's actually kind of fun." "You know what else is kind of fun?" "Tuning you out." "Okay, then." "No one can say you didn't give it a good effort." "So, uh..." " you wanna show me what you got?" " Sure." "Look at this cute little sweater set." "Ohh, isn't this just delicious?" "Oh gosh, the color is just yummy." "Oh my God, and the fabric, it's just" "( gasps )" "You do the budget, or the kid gets it." "Ha-- oh!" "You wouldn't dare!" " Oh, wouldn't I?" " No!" "You kill one piece, and the whole ensemble dies." "Maybe I'll just start with the label." "No, honey, that's the best part!" "No!" "( singing "Jaws" theme )" "Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!" "What do you want?" "!" "What are you talking about?" "!" "What are your terms?" "You sit down for five minutes and go over this budget with me." "You're just lucky I let my kids take the pepper spray to school for show and tell." "Thattagirl." "Okay, let's talk about clothes." "You spent thousands of dollars in the Madison Avenue boutiques." "Do you know how much you'd save if you just shopped at that outlet mall in Paramus?" "Hmm." "Honey, do you know how many things are wrong with that sentence?" " I am serious, I mean it." " No, no, no, no." "Huh-uh!" "If you expect me to shop out of a bin with a bunch of mall-walking blue-hairs in "I Love Grandma" t-shirts," " then you got another thing" " You know what?" "This looks like it's my size." "I think I'm gonna go try it on." "( screams ) No!" "Okay." "Lordy, Lordy, look at all the freaks." "Come on, let's get out of here." "There's nothing here I like." "Ah, ah, ah, ah, no." "You haven't even looked yet." "Come on, you gotta get in there and sort through the rack." " The what?" " The rack." "You heard the expression "off the rack."" "I know the expression, "Stan, hands off the rack."" "Bang-bang!" "Ohh... even in the Midwest I'm funny." "Come on, Karen, dig in." "If you look really hard, you can find some really great" "Okay, this one's got blood on it." "Okay, why don't we just move on to the hemoglobin-free zone?" " Honey, the fabrics scare me." " Come on." "Karen, you gotta get into the spirit of it." "I'm mean, I've found some really cute outfits here." "I wear them to work, and you tell me how much you hate them." ""Honey, what's going on?" "What's happening?" "What's all this about?"" "Honey, what's this?" "What are you doing?" "Who's that supposed to be?" "Come on, we're not leaving till you try something on." "Ow." "Oh, it's-- oh, honey, honey, can we get a couple of seared ahi salads with honey mustard on the side?" " I don't work here." " That wasn't my question, was it?" "Okay, okay, here we go." "Here we go." "This is perfect for you." "It's your color, it's your size, and it's only $28." " Hmm?" " Yeah." "That's a great price." "Um, would just excuse me for one second, Grace?" "Stan." "Hi, honey, it's me." "Yes, I'm at Designer Markdowns in Paramus, uh-huh." "Oh, the budget thing's fine, yeah." "I'm just about to buy a rhinestone-studded tracksuit." "I thought I'd wear it when we go boating with the Bronfmans." "Okay." "Okay." "Bye bye." "Stan's sending the helicopter." "Budget crisis over." "Okay, Grace, buy yourself a little ugly for work tomorrow." "I'll be on the roof." " Grace?" " Harlin, hi." " Hello." " What are you doing here?" "Buying something for the missus." "See, Harlin, that's what I love about you." "No matter how much money you have, you're still humble enough to appreciate a good bargain." "Oh, not this piece of crap." "I'm buying her the whole damn mall." "So, uh... how's Will doing?" "I think you'd know better than anyone." "Yeah." "Yeah, I do." "But don't worry, I'm on him." "I'm giving him a really hard time." "Whoa, you're a cold-hearted little thing, aren't you?" "Well, you know, if he's gonna let work get to him like that..." "It's just so unattractive." "I mean, even I don't want to be around him." "You know, Grace, I don't presume to understand the very modern relationship you two got going, but in the great state of Texas, you'd be considered a bitch." "Excuse me?" "I think a person ought to show more compassion when a friend gets fired." "What?" " Hi." " Hey." " How was work?" " Oh, it was good." "It's always good." " Busy?" " Oh, you know, you can't imagine." "Harlin is working me to the bones." "Meetings with investors, conference calls, contracts." "At one point, it got so crazy, I said "herewith"" "when I meant "notwithstanding."" "I don't know how much longer I can keep up this pace." "Will?" " Will, I know." " What?" " I ran into Harlin today." " Oh?" "He's still not pulling that practical joke where he pretends like he fired me?" "Did he?" "He's so funny with that." " Will" " Okay." "You were right." "It came back to bite me in the ass." "I'm a jerk, okay?" "I got too full of myself," "I got too hung up on the money." "So go ahead, give me the whole thing." "The whole..." ""Told you so" song and dance." "Not even a "told ya"?" "Starting over." "I'm a little bit scared here." "I'm not." " Sit down, I got a joke for you." " Oh, no." "Come on, come on!" "Come on." "Come on, sit down." "Ready?" "How many gay lawyers does it take to win a case?" " How many?" " 37." "One to win the case, and 36 to go out to brunch and trash him." "Ahh, ahh-- I see a little smile!" "I see a little smile!" "That counts." "That makes it an official joke!" "(theme music playing)"