"Oh, and that was some great spur of the moment thinking, Norm." "Well it's... you only, kind I know how to do." "Shit." "Stay back." "I think he's gone." "Is he?" "Yeah, his hand just stopped moving." "We got fooled by that before." "Yeah, but that was, like, the whole body." "We just liquefy this fucker." "Or unless he could reform or something like the T-1000." "Reform?" "I don't know." "I guess you're right." "You did it, brother." "Come on." "Let's get fuck out of here." "Ugh." "All right." "So, what do you got for us?" "How are you gonna get my money right?" "Well, this bond fund is really excellent." "You can consider it your bank alternative." "It's super conservative, very safe, no surprises." "I actually have a sizable chunk of inheritance in this myself." "It's very safe, very consistent." "Hmm, I don't know." "It sounds kind of risky to me." "I said it's..." "He's kidding." "That's good." "That's really funny." "We'll take a look at it." "Wonderful." "Also..." "I don't know if the two of you've given much thought to your future or eventual retirement but we also do estate planning." "And I understand you too recently got married, congratulations." "I don't know if you plan on having any kids but we also have life insurance plans," "God forbid anything happen to you." "We wouldn't want the kids to..." "Well, it's just stuff to think about." "Why don't you take one of my cards?" "I think you gave us the wrong card." "Oh, no, that's my name, Kevin Ostrowski." "I was adopted." "Oh, you're like one of those adopted Asian babies all grown up." "Yes, I was an Asian baby." "That was a joke, right?" "Adopted Asian baby." "That's good." "All right." "Wonderful." "It was great meeting you." "Congratulations on the wedding." "Thank you." "And I hope to speak to you again." "Why do you have to be such an asshole?" "Good night, Suzanne." "Good night." " Hey, Kevin." " Hey." "Listen, bill and Patrick are in town." "So you and I should probably take them out for drinks tonight." "Oh, I'm sorry, Jason." "I actually have plans." "Right." "Of course, you have plans every night, right?" "Well, I would have known beforehand, then..." "They're only in town one week." "Oh, well, when are they leaving?" "Because maybe we could get together next week on Friday before they leave." "What are you doing tonight that's so important?" "Well, it's not important." "I... it's just I've had a long week and there's just this book that I wanted to start." "A book?" "I know it's weird." "Just trust me." "It'll be better next week." "I'll be mentally prepared, we'll have fun." "Okay, okay." "Whatever, Kevin." "Okay." "Just have a good weekend." "All right." "You too, Jason." "Okay." "Oh, hey." "You enjoy that book." "Oh." "Oh." "Darn it." "Oh, man." "What the fuck?" "Oh, what the fuck?" " Shit." " I am so sorry." "I was distracted." "I take full responsibility." "That you take full responsibility, huh?" "What the fuck, man?" "Look at that." "I can't see anything." "Yeah, well, if you smudged away the dirt, there's some scrapes there for sure, man." "It doesn't look so bad." "I'm happy to take care of this without going through the insurance." "Here, let me give you a card." ""Ostrowski."" "What, you're trying to scam me with a fake card?" "It's my name, I was adopted." "You can check with the office." "What do you work for a bank or something?" "It's an investment firm." "I'm a financial advisor." "Really?" "So..." "You make a lot of money, huh?" "Maybe, no." "I don't know, man." "How... it was quiet a blow and there could be some major damage here, you know, internally." "And then me, ooh," "I'm feeling fine but, ow, maybe not." "Whoa." "Whoa, did you hear that?" "It's like a crunching sound." "Finn, let's go." "Hey, shut the fuck up." "You get back in the goddamn fucking car." "Doing fucking business here." "These fucking bitches." "These bitches." "What'd you call my fucking girlfriend?" "Did you just call my girlfriend a bitch?" "I was just quoting you, I'm sorry." "Oh, now you're a newspaper boy." "I thought you're a financial advisor." "Have a good day." " Hello?" " Hey, shithead." "It's Norm." "Norm, you blocked your number?" "Oh, is it blocked?" "That's strange." "I had no idea." "I wasn't trying to, you know, trick you or anything." "Well, did you know you made me get into an accident earlier today?" "I made you get into an accident?" "How is that even possible?" "Yeah, whatever." "So, is this like a good time?" "I mean, am I interrupting something?" "Yeah." "Actually, it is a bad time." "I'm in the middle of lot of work, so I can't really talk right now." "Oh, my God." "Are you looking at porn?" "What?" "No." "Then why are you acting on weird?" "I..." "I'm acting weird because I don't wanna talk to you." "Okay, Norm?" "I'm not watching porn." "Jeez, okay." "Blow me, calm down, bro." "I'll keep it brief." "I know it's been a long time since we've talked but..." "I have diabetes." "Oh." "So, is that bad?" "Well, normally not, but there's been some complications." "Okay." "So, what do you mean?" "What are you trying to tell me?" "I don't know." "I don't know exactly." "Sometimes people in my situation get better." "And sometimes they get a lot worse." "Oh." "Well, I'm sorry, man." "I'm sorry to hear that." "Well, I'm okay for now." "Actually, the reason I called was, it's my 40th birthday this weekend." "I just bought a place and me and the guys, we're gonna go hang out, and I'd really love to see my baby brother, will you come?" "Think of it as a dying man's wish." "Jesus, Norm." "Yeah, I'll be there." "Awesome." "We're gonna reconcile and it's gonna be so great." "I'll e-mail you the directions," "Yeah, Norm, that's my e-mail." "Hey, can you hold on a second?" "Hey, did you hear that?" "Yeah, I did, that was really fun, thank you for that." "Later shithead." "Where the hell is this place, Norm?" "Hello, there." "$2." "Thank you." "You know, I've been driving around for an hour looking for a sign, is this jackrabbit hills?" "Do you know where canyon road is?" "I put it in my GPS before I left and nothing came up." "It's two Miles up." "Thank you so much." "Are you guys Indian or native American?" "It's very cool." "I studied you guys in elementary school, it's a fascinating culture." "If I didn't pack a little heat." "I'd be a dead man by now, that's my reality." "It's supposed to work, it's better to be safe than sorry." "Why is that funny?" "I was just thinking of that board game "sorry."" "You remember that?" "That game is so weird." "Hey." "Hey." "Is Norm here?" "Who wants to know?" "I'm his brother, Kevin." "He told me to come out here for his birthday party." "You're Norm's brother?" "Adopted." "Well then, welcome, friend." "How are you doing?" "My name's Wayne Simmons," "I'm Norm's pal." "And that there is Ian." "I never caught your last name, friend." "Well, that's it." "Hey, come on in, come on in." "Check this place out." "So, is anyone else coming or is this it?" "This is our Valiant crew here except for the big guy himself." "Excuse me, can you hold this?" "No... what the hell?" "Norm!" "You almost blew my hand off." "No, that only happens to little kids because they have soft, weak hands." "That doesn't even make sense." "All right." "I'm sorry, it was a bad idea, okay?" "New Norm." "I'm sorry, can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" "Yeah, whatever." "Yeah." "I'm glad you're here, bring it in, little bro." "What the hell is this?" "Housewarming gifts." "Where is your new place?" "You're looking at it, man." "Wait, this isn't a place." "Yeah, it is." "The sovereign nation of Normania." "I got a great deal on it too, the guy who sold it to me just wanted to get rid of it, and he left all his awesome shit here too." "When you say you bought a new place, it usually means like a house or an apartment." "Really?" "Oh." "I seem to have misplaced my dictionary, but I'm pretty sure a place is just any space in general." "So, we're camping out essentially, wish you would have told me, I would have prepared." "Well, here's my little Asian brother, always worried about details and preparation." "Great." "It's gonna be a great weekend." "Ah, see what were you worried about, you had a change in clothes." "Well, when Norm is your brother, you learn to prepare for anything." "Yo, Wayne, beer me." " Fuckin' here, man." " Thanks, bro." "Are you sure you should be drinking that?" "What... with your..." "Ah, no, no, no." "Kevin, let me talk to you in private." "Look, man, I'd rather not talk about the whole diabetes thing in front of the guys." "I just wanna keep things relaxed and fun." "Okay." "And as far as drinking and stuff goes, look, I know it's not the best thing but I kind of need to enjoy myself, it's been a rough couple of months." "Right." "Sorry." "Yeah." "So if you don't mind going and talking to the guys while I..." "Shoot up?" "Shoot up?" "No you fucking idiot, Insulin." "Oh, yeah, right." "Do that." "Yeah, I will." "Hey." "Hey." "So, how long have you guys known Norm?" "I work at Bob's liquor, I sell Norm booze and anything else he wants." "If you know what I mean." "Like drugs." "I got it." "I got it." "Maybe you should stop," "Norm doesn't need that stuff right now." "Oh." "I'm Norm's mailman." "We've been hanging out for about a year now, you know, going hunting, fishing, whatever gets us out of the house." "You know, I've got a real cunt of a wife and two kids that are pain in the ass." "How about you?" "How do you know Norm?" "I'm his brother." "But you're Asian." "Yeah." "I'm adopted, we covered that already." "Oh, I remember." "Hey, what was that like growing up?" "I mean, did you feel..." "Did you feel less loved?" "I mean, because I'm just trying to figure out how that all worked out with you?" "Well, on the contrary, I actually felt quite loved as a child." "The way I see it, adoption is a very pre-meditated endeavor." "There's a lot of interviews and paperwork to be signed." "A parent will only adopt if they really, really want a child." "Whereas I just kind of oozed out of mom's pussy, right, Kev?" "I guess mom and dad didn't wanna make the same mistake twice." "So, what are we doing, Norm?" "What's the plan?" "This." "Chillaxing, bro." "So." "We're gonna sit out here in the dessert for two days?" "I don't know, it's my fucking birthday, why do I have to think of everything?" "Thank you." "No, thank you." "Oh, thanks, man." "Oh, that is so good." "Hey, Norm, what's the deal with this guy?" "Well, that's just Jovan." "So, does he just live out here or hang out in the bushes?" "No." "He comes out with me, but he does his own thing." "Yeah, whatever that means." "I think he wants us to follow him." "Well, I don't know about that." "Well, what the hell, right?" "All right." "Fuck." "Mira." "This is interesting." "Did you build all this?" "Si." "Wow." "It turned out great, amigo." "What the hell is this thing?" "Jovan's side project." "He's obsessed with the old west." "He's a nut on the subject." "He even calls me the Duke." "Wow." "Thanks, Jovan." "You didn't have to get me anything." "None of this other assholes did." "Hammer time?" "Yeah." "It's mine and Jovan's construction company." "It's pretty bitchin'." "You've never built anything in your entire life." "Oh, okay." "Well, first of all," "I made the sweetest birdhouse in the world when I was in cub scouts and secondly," "I'm the manager and Jovan is the talent behind the operation." "Do you get any business?" "Not yet, but good contractor can make as much as a doctor or a lawyer." "I read that in a magazine." "Not all of us can be Asian, Kevin." "Some of us have to do the work of the un-gifted." " I didn't say anything." " Yeah, you did." "Do you get any business?" "Yeah, don't act all innocent." "Nah, I just think it's weird that you spend your inheritance on a junkyard in the desert in a failed construction company." "Oh." "And what did you do with yours?" "Let me guess." "You saved it?" "Yes." "Do you still work at that job you hate?" " Yes." " Oh, jeez, why didn't you quit?" "You have all that money." "You... why just be miserable?" "Because that's what people do." "Yeah." "That makes sense." "Cuckoo." "My brother's Cuckoo." "Jovan." "Jovan." "What the fuck?" "He's choking." "He needs the Heimlich." "One, two." "You're too fucking weak." "Get away, get away." "Come on, buddy." "Ugh, come on, come on." "Oh, no." "Fuck!" "Fuck!" "I can't feel his pulse, but maybe I'm grabbing the wrong spot." "Get the fuck away numbskull." "I saw this on TV once." "No, no, no, no." "We need to take him to the hospital." "There's not a hospital for fucking 80 Miles." " God, come on." " Oh, God." "God." "Fuck." "I don't hear anything." "I think he's dead, dudes." "I don't get it." "The Heimlich always works." "Oh, really?" "Do you have a lot experience with that?" "We got to get him to a hospital." "What are they gonna do?" "He's dead." "It's what people do." "What the hell is your problem?" "I don't know." "I mean..." "I mean, it's still Norm's birthday, you know, it'd be ashamed to spoil the weekend." "Maybe we can just, you know, drop him off Monday." "Right." "So, we're gonna hang out with a corpse sitting next to us." "A man just died." "So consider the weekend spoiled." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "It's just a suggestion." "Let's not get all bent out of shape." "Right." "Let's get him in the truck." "Okay, everybody grab a limb." "We'll lift on three." "Okay." "I'm gonna..." "No, hold on." "All right." "We got it?" "Yeah, okay." "Here we go, ready?" "One, two, three, pull." "What the fuck was that?" "I'm all right." "Accidental discharge." "Body check, body check, head down, head down." "I'm good." "I'm good." "Hey, is that a problem?" "Jesus Christ, Wayne, your fucking gun shot." "Jovan in the chest." "It's okay, Norm." "I think he was already dead." "Yeah, but nobody else is gonna know that." "We're gonna have to..." "We're gonna have to rethink this a little bit now." "Wait, why?" "Well, if we bring in Jovan's body with a bullet hole in it, they're gonna think we killed him." " Oh, jeez." " We?" "It was your stupid gun." "I don't know." "I don't know." "I mean, you know, there's a lot of, you know, booze and drugs lying around." "A guy got shot." "We're all gonna be suspects is all what I'm saying and I've got a wife and two kids to think about." "Okay." "You're being ridiculous, they'll do an autopsy and figure it out." "Oh, well, you know, maybe in" "Los Angeles, Kevin." "But out here in the sticks, they're gonna lock you up and throw away the key for a hell of a lot less." "Okay." "And what are you suggesting?" "I'd say we just bury him right here right now." "I mean, it's Norm's land." "No one's ever gonna find out." "You can't be serious." "What about his family?" "What if the cops come looking for him?" "Well, Jovan didn't have a wife or kids and as far as the cops go, he was undocumented." "I mean technically on paper, he was non-existent, if you know what I mean." "I'm really his only family, so I guess it's my decision." "That's right, Norm." "You were like his brother and so what would he have wanted to be buried by some undertaker in a cemetery while his friends went to jail for some crime they didn't commit or would he have liked to have been buried by us on your land" "while we celebrate his life and honored his achievements." "No." "We can't do that." "We need to tell someone." "We need to make this official." "Look, Jovan was my friend and we all know this was an accident and I don't think he'd wanna put us through a bunch of trouble." "Plus he really liked it out here." "It just seems like the right thing to do." "I can't believe I'm hearing this." "Hearing what?" "I don't hear anything." "Boy, you know, I didn't know an Asian could be so lazy." "I'm not lazy." "I'm a conscientious objector." "I need a break." "I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded." "I think my diabetes is acting up." "Oh, no." "What do we do?" "I'll be all right." "I just..." "I think I need some more orange juice or maybe a candy bar and some rest." "Okay." "Just rest." "Thanks." "This feels so wrong." "I..." "I've never done this before." "Is this deep enough?" "I mean, are animals gonna dig him up or something?" "No." "No, I think we're good." "Well." "There's no need to do this anymore." "What was that for?" "Well, I don't know, I mean," "I'm sure Jovan was a nice guy but you can't be too careful, you know." "You are a terrible, terrible person." "What?" "I'm not racist or anything." "I'm just being precautious." "Okay." "You're not racist, huh?" "Well, maybe we can finally address the shirt you're wearing?" "Oh, this?" "Oh, so," "I can't be proud of my heritage?" "So, Kevin, you could have a shirt that says proud to be Asian or a..." "Or a black guy could have a shirt that says proud to be black but suddenly this throws everything into question." "That feels like a double standard." "No." "If you look in the mirror..." "Hey, guys, we should do this." "He's starting to smell like poop." "And I hear when you die you make a whole bunch of turds in your jeans." "All right." "That's enough of that talk." "Let's do this." "Amen." "Amen." "All right." "What are we gonna do now?" "Hey, I got some "mad libs" in my bag." "Oh, come on you guys." "I mean, Norm, it's your birthday, you know, we should have some fun." "I don't know." "I just don't really feel like celebrating anymore." "Yeah." "That's an understatement." "I don't know about you guys, but that's the first time I ever buried a body." "Oh, it was an accident." "He choked." "It was nobody's fault." "Guys, I think we need to move on." "I have to take a leak." "Hey, why don't we tell ghosts stories?" "Norm, do you remember that story you told me in Yosemite about the mime?" "Yeah." "Oh, come on." "This isn't just about you." "I mean, yes, it's your birthday, but I mean," "I only get one week every six months to be away from my family and damn it," "I intend to have a good time." "Hey, I saw someone walking around out there." "Huh?" "I think I saw someone walking around out there." "He's lost or something maybe." "Are you sure?" "Maybe it was just an animal." "Yeah." "It was just an animal." "No, it was a human being." "What did he look like?" "Shirt, pants." "Sounds like someone has been smoking a little too much grass." "Hey, if he needs some more, tell him to talk to me." "Who goes there?" "Oh, maybe it's that guy that was walking around." "Did you really see somebody or not?" "Yes!" "I mean, I think." "We'll, if there's someone out there." "I got the gun." "Jesus, Wayne, you're gonna kill somebody now?" "Well, I don't think I have much of a choice." "You assholes nobody's killing anybody, all right?" "It's probably just the coyote." "Let's split up and check." "Okay." "Wayne and Ian you go east." "That's north." "Kevin and I will go the other way." "If you see anything just yell." "Copy." " It's that way." " Thank you." "Hello?" "Is there anybody out here?" "Hey, so, what's the deal with Wayne?" "Why do you hang out with that guy?" "Oh, Wayne, yeah." "We've been hanging out for a while and he seemed like an all right guy and then one day he started spouting on this white pride crap and..." "I think he was hoping I'd be on the same page and I just didn't have the heart to tell him." "That you're not a racist?" "The fishing trips are awesome." "He pays for everything." "Well, that's great, Norm." "Hang out with the gun toting bigot for the free fishing trips." "Sounds like you're really moving up in life." "Yeah, whatever, man." "You make him sound like Hitler." "He's just a little behind the times." "Well, there's nothing out here." "Can we go now?" "That's weird." "I've never seen that before." "Looks Egyptian." "Yeah, Norm, it's Egyptian." "Look at that one, that can't be good." "And this is all Indian, man, a couple of hundred years ago." "I'm sure that stuff is all over the place." "Can we go?" "Do you think we buried Jovan in a sacred Indian burial ground and now he's gonna come back and kill us?" "No, really." "Maybe that's who Ian saw walking around." "All right." "It was a stupid thought, sorry." "Stop looking at me like that." "Oh, okay." "You put me in my place," "I'm an idiot." "Okay." "Kevin, I wanna kill myself now." "What a woman." "Hey, guys!" "I think I found something." "Jesus, Ian!" "Seriously." "I think it's a pog." "Remember pogs?" "We didn't find anything." "Yeah, neither did we." "Well, we should probably head back, it's getting dark as shit out and I wanna put a couple of finishing touches on my camp." "Hey, maybe it's just me but I'm a little creeped out." "Maybe we should sleep in the cars tonight." "Fine!" "Now, you guys go sleep in your cars," "I'm going camping." "You know, I brought some yummy steaks to put on the fire, some s'mores, you gay-wads can do whatever you want." "I don't need you." "Behind the times, huh?" "Let's just go back." "Hey, Norm." "Maybe I should head home now." "Oh, come on, man." "It's been a long day and I know you're upset, but it's a really long drive." "Just stay tonight and I'll promise things will be better tomorrow." "Yeah, somehow, I doubt that." "How come your brother seems not very nice?" "Oh, don't take it personally." "It's not about you." "He's just pissed at me." "Why?" "I don't know, something about when our parents died." "Did you kill them?" "What?" "No." "I was having a bad acid trip and I called them freaking out." "This was years ago." "They didn't know what was going on until they came out to help me in the middle of the night." "It was raining and they got in a bad car wreck and died." "Whoa." "I didn't tell Kevin at first and he just thought they were coming out to visit me and then he found out the whole story a few years later and he was pretty upset." "I think he blames me for what happened." "But whatever, man, it's not my fault." "You know what I mean?" "Oh, no." "It's sounds like it was your fault." "I'd probably blame you too." "Gee, thanks." "Maybe you should quit drugs." "Yeah, look who's talking." "What's that movie got to do with anything?" "Hmm." "Well, at least these steaks sure are tasty." "They're all tender and delicious." "Grass fed." "Well, I'm having a blast out here, camping." "Yup, not worried about any kind of weird growl coming out the woods." "I'm good." "I'm having a good time." "Oh, fuck!" "Fuck!" "Fuck!" "Jovan?" "We thought you were dead." "Jovan, what's gotten into you man?" "Ugh." "Whoa." "Fuck!" "Oh, my God." "Get him off." "That's enough." "All right." "You're gonna get off him and we're gonna discuss this like civilized men." "Comprende, amigo?" "Are you out of your mind?" "He was still alive and now you killed him." "I did a warning shot thing." "This was self-defense." "Are you all right?" "Yeah, I think so." "He's not breathing." "I think he's dead for real this time." "What the hell are we gonna do?" "That wasn't Jovan." "He was acting all crazy." "That wasn't him." "Or maybe he was mad because we buried him alive." "Honestly, I don't see how this changes anything." "You don't think this changes anything?" "Now that you've officially murdered a man and we're all your unwilling accomplices?" "I say we just put him back where he was." "The hole's already dug." "I don't get it." "We took his pulse, we buried him." "He was dead as a doornail." "Well, obviously he wasn't." "I knew I shouldn't have gone along with this." "But you did." "What?" "Well, it's gonna be okay, we'd buried him before." "Back when it seemed like it was inconvenience to deal with the police and all sort of stuff." "I'm just saying." " You asshole!" " No." "No." "Come on." "Come on." " Knock it off." " Guys." "Guys." "I think this is the guy I saw walking around earlier." "Did you guys figure that out?" "You probably knew that already, yeah?" "I'm going to the police." "Kevin." "I'm warning you, step away from the car." "Whoa, whoa." "What the fuck is going on?" "Now, you're gonna shoot me?" "Wayne, this is insane." "I got to do what I got to do, okay?" "I don't wanna go to jail." "I got a wife and two kids." "Wayne, just put the gun down." "What the fuck!" "Start the engine." "Start the engine." "Get the fuck out of here!" "Go!" "Get the fuck out of here!" " Oh, my God." " Oh, my God." "It's got to be bath salts, that's why he was acting like that." "I'm pretty sure bath salts make you crazy not bullet proof." "Well, then maybe it was PCP." "I saw this thing on the history channel where they did government experiments in Vietnam and they act like that, like superhuman or something." "Oh, come on, Kevin." "Where would Jovan get PCP?" "I don't know." "From Ian, I don't know." "You're ignoring reality." "His eyes looked like Darth maul." "Yeah, and that supernatural shriek?" "Fellas, we're not dealing with a corporeal entity." "Oh, no." "We're running out of gas." "Oh, come on, Kevin." "Don't you check that sort of thing before you go out the desert?" "If I hadn't I burned through a whole tank trying to find Norm's place we can be fine." "It's all right." "I have a plan." "For the first time in your life?" "This ought to be good." "Just pull over up here." "I don't have PCP." "What are you doing?" "I'm getting rid of all my drugs and all my drug shit" "I don't wanna be the dumb ass drug guy in a horror movie, know what I mean?" "Hey, I know I'm in the minority here, but I have appreciated not being implicated in any more crimes tonight." "We don't have time to debate this, Kevin." "Everything we need to protect ourselves is right in there." "Oh, why don't we just get gas and keep driving?" "Boring!" "Uh-oh." "Great, just great." "What did you expect would happen?" "I don't know." "What did you do, Ian?" "I don't know." "Dish soap, paper towels, what are you gonna do, clean him to death?" "What are you gonna do, clean him to death?" "I think it's perfectly obvious what I'm gonna do." "I'm gonna set up a gauntlet of minor annoyances to bombard his senses like in "home alone."" "Then, when he's like significantly disoriented, we'll tie him up and take him to a priest or a rabbi and they'll exorcise whatever is in him." "Exercise?" "Like John Basedow?" "No, fuck that, this isn't "home alone,"" "this is "predator."" "We should be out sharpening Spears, hanging boulders, stuff that'll kick this guy's ass." "Yeah, I'm still trying to forget the fact that you wanted to shoot me an hour ago." "Oh, you really blown that out of proportion." "I think you'll need to move on." "Fine, Wayne, you do your thing and we'll do ours." "Oh, bleach." "He's here, he's here, over." "Well, is there any doubt in anyone's mind we're dealing with a supernatural being?" "That answers the question." "Do you think he's telling us to be afraid?" "I think he wants us to buzz off." "Do you think that he likes to watch game shows for the part when people buzz in?" "All right." "Everyone get to your posts." " Hello." " What are you doing?" "Be quiet." "Yo, Kevin." "This is Finn, bro, you know, the guy that you hit the other day with your car." "Yeah, this is kind of bad time." "Yeah, well, then I make it quick, all right." "Listen, my mechanic took a look at my car, apparently, there's some pretty serious internal damage, dude." "Basically, it's this, we gotta scrap the whole car." "I know it's fucking crazy, right?" "I can't deal with this right now." "Okay." "Bye." "Hey, should I call you tomorrow then?" "Yeah, sure, whatever." "I'm so sorry." "I don't know why I picked that up," "I should really turn this thing off." "Shh." "He's about to encounter the first stratagem." "It's all right, it's all right, it's the first of many." "Oh, man, I thought that was gonna be a good one." "I don't think this is working, Norm." "You're up, Ian, he's headed over to sector B, over." "You idiot, you used a plastic bottle?" "Does that matter?" "Never mind, onto phase two." "Copy." "Hey, over here you horse's ass, come and get me." "Let's go, move, move." "Take one, take one." "Give me that." "Ready?" "Now, go, go, spin him up, wrap him, spin him, yeah." "Oh." "Fuck." "Jovan, it's me the Duke, don't kill me." "Hey, the hot dog!" "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "What the fuck?" "Ahhh!" "Yeah!" "Ahhh!" "Not taking any chances this time." "Don't mess with the best because the best don't mess." "Hells, yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah." "Yeah!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Oh!" "Well, no offense youngsters but like I always say, never send boys to do a man's job." "You don't say that." "Yeah, I do." "I say it all the time." "I must have said it a couple times since we got here." "No, you don't say that ever." "What are you doing, man?" "You're giving me a hard time, you know?" "I mean, I didn't save the day but it's like motto." "I always say it." "I've known you for awhile and I never heard those words come out of your mouth." "I don't know why you feel the need to lie." "I'm not lying, you know, why would I lie about something silly like that?" "I think you just wanted to sound cool and now I called you on it." "I'm not lying." "Wayne, you're just digging yourself deeper." "You just need to come clean." "Put your hands where I can see them." "Los Angeles, huh?" "I know you city perverts like to come out here to do all your satanic shit because you think us country bumpkins won't figure it out." "Sir, it wasn't Kevin's fault." "In fact he's probably least to blame of any of us." "Was I talking to you, Hagrid?" "You'll get your turn." "All right, everybody, listen up." "My name is Sheriff Thomas Maynard and you have the right to remain silent, but if I know one thing about perverts like you is that you all like to talk eventually because you think you're so smart." "And then you get stories all mixed up and then the jury sends you all to the gas chamber and then a hallelujah, a couple less perverts left in the world." "Was that the Miranda rights?" "Because I think you said it wrong." "Yeah, maybe you need to brush up on your police work." "All right." "Laugh it up, I don't mind." "Hey, Tommy Lee Jones called, he wants his character back." "All right." "Shut up, shut up." "Slap your faces in." "Sheriff Maynard, may I speak with you in private please?" "I think I can clear up this whole situation." "Wayne Simmons, pleased to meet you, listen, my cohorts are really acting childish, you're gonna have to excuse them." "But you and I, we both work for the government, post office, and I can tell you," "I have a tremendous amount of respect of what you do." "Get to the point." "Yeah, so, the incident which has occurred in the convenient store, there was this Mexican fella who was chasing us and he was crazy." "And so everything that's occurred in there is purely self-defense, I mean, you know, look at us, you know, couple of white guys and, you know, a Mexican fella," "I mean, come on, right?" "You know." " I think I get it." " Yeah, good, good, good." "All right." "Look, we could probably let this thing slide, that is, if you'll be willing to do something for me." "Say the word." "Okay." "I could let you go if you'll..." "Suck my dick." "Really?" "No, no, not really." "That's my pervert test." "You just failed it, sit your ass down, you racist pervert asshole." "I'm holding all of you miserable assholes to jail right now." "Hello, Louise, it's tom," "I need assistance down at the gas station." "Well Kevin, you wanted to go to the police, now, you got your wish." "Yeah, I wanted to go to the police before we broke into a convenience store and murdered a man three times." "Maybe we should make that four." "Oh, you're sweet." "No, just perverts." "One of them tried to suck my dick." "Sir, do you require medical assistance?" "Sheriff, no." "He's not human." "Shut your mouth back there." "Sir, are you okay?" "Son, are you on drugs?" "Holy mother, ah!" "Why, God?" "Why?" "This is some fucked up shit, man." "Why didn't you tell me that thing was a monster?" "Would you have believed me?" "No." "Now get out of here, save yourself, guys." "No, Ian, we won't leave you." "Guys, it's going good, I think I'm winning." "Yeah, go, Ian." "I'm overpowering him." "I think it's going well." "Yeah, hit him." "Ian?" "What the hell are you doing?" "I just think we should be videotaping this." "We gotta go." "That thing is gonna kill us." "Yeah." "But if we live, I might be able to sell the tape as one of those found footage movies." "You can't be serious!" "Look, when you're as poor as me, you gotta take these opportunities as they come." "Yeah, bad idea." "Those movies suck anyway." "Damn." "Private property." "Okay." "I guess you don't care." "Hey, uh, Norm." "I just had a horrifying thought." "A man rose from the grave and turned into some kind of demon." "Yeah." "That's why we're running." "No." "That's not what I mean." "I'm saying, we exist in a world where that kind of shit is possible and that undermines my entire belief system." "Even if we survive this, we still have to worry about ghosts and monsters, and all the other kinds of supernatural crap that might be out there." "Or maybe it's just this one fucked up monster." "What the fuck?" "Wait!" "Hey!" "Come on, Kevin!" "Help me out!" "What are you doing?" "It's Norm!" "I know it's Norm!" "We gotta knock him out and tie him up!" "What are you talking about?" "I'm sorry, Norm." "But I've been thinking about this." "And I think that thing is after you." "Only you." "He's after all of us." "Because we're with him." "Think about it." "At the campsite, at the convenience store, it only went after Norm." "What about the sheriff and Ian?" "What happened to Ian?" "Oh, my God." "He passed away." "Passed away?" "A monster tore his head off." "That fucker died." "All right." "Anyway," "I'm sure that they were getting killed because they were in the way of you." "That's why we have to tie you up, Norm." "Ritual sacrifice." "It's the only solution." "I'm sorry." "Kevin, do you have any rope or twine that we can tie him up with?" "Is that what I mean to you?" "I thought we were fucking friends." "Well, I'm sorry, Norm." "But I have a wife and two kids to think about." "Oh, don't give me that wife and kids crap." "Everyone knows you hate them." "You know, when you grow out of this extended period of adolescence, you're gonna understand that people have responsibilities." "But that's not gonna matter because you're gonna be dead anyways." "All right." "You know what?" "You're just a racist piece of shit." "And I never liked you anyway." "I only liked the free fishing trips." "Oh, very nice." "You wanna go down this road?" "Let's do it." "Put up your Dukes, huh!" "Let's go, asshole!" "Hey, guys!" "I think we gotta go." "Don't shoot us!" "Don't shoot!" "Don't shoot!" "Didn't you read the sign?" "This is private property." "You're trespassing." "Uh, we must have missed that." "I'm sorry." "Please don't kill us." "We're gonna leave now." "Oh, you're not going anywhere, dudes." "I can't believe this." "I tried to get away from you fuckers." "Ding, ding." "Um, look, man, I'm really sorry that we were on your land." "But there's a monster chasing us." "And if we don't get out here, he's gonna kill us all." "We all got a monster chasing us, son." "It's called the devil." "Hey, you know, this actually smells pretty good." "All right." "Who's gonna say the grace?" "I'll do it." "Norman." "Uh, dear God, thank you for this food and thank you for old man Schumer." "The nice man who's gonna let us go now." "That's a good one." "All right." "Eat up, boys." "You're gonna need your strength." "Strength for what?" "Hey, you know?" "This is actually pretty good." "Old family recipe." "Hmm." "Don't mind if I do." "Norman?" "Kevin?" "What are you waiting for?" "You don't mind if I stew?" "Man." "That was like the best meal I've ever had." "Can I get a whoop whoop?" "What's wrong with Wayne?" "I'm pretty sure there was something in the food." "Did you eat any?" "I just kind of swished it around." "We gotta get out of here." "This whole place smells like pee." "♪ Blessed be ♪" "♪ the tie that binds our... ♪" "Yeah." "I know." "Maybe if we finish these chores, he'll let us go." "What can we do?" "He's got a gun." "He's got us in chains and there's human skeletons in his backyard." "He's not gonna let us go." "Guys, guys." "You got it all wrong." "Old Schumer is a great guy." "He's a great guy." "Too much talking." "Not enough working." "Oh, not me, Massa." "I's be working." "Sorry, sir." "Very, very sorry, sir." "Oh." "I can see what's going on here." "You think I'm crazy." "Like that, uh..." "like that human centipede guy." "I assure you." "I wouldn't hurt a fly." "Uh, then why is there a skeleton in your backyard?" "That's a Halloween decoration." "I put on a haunted house every year for the kiddies." "For all I know, you're the crazy ones." "You broke into my yard." "That's why I put you in chains." "Uh, this whole thing is just one big misunderstanding." "See?" "See, you guys?" "I told you." "Old man Schumer's a great guy." " Well." " No, no." "No." "Hey, hey." "Here's the thing." "The reason they're all kind of on edge is because earlier, we killed this Mexican, and we buried him in the desert, and then he came back to life, and now he's trying to kill us." "So it's kind of a strange thing." "Came back to life?" "Yeah." ""And death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them."" ""And they were judged every man according to his works," "Revelations 20:13."" "I've been waiting for the sign of the apocalypse." "And this is it, my friends." "Really?" "Of course." "What else could it be?" "We must prepare." "These are my babies." "How'd you get all this stuff?" "I used to work for the government." "Well, that's comforting." "You know, we shot Jovan, burned him, stuck a meat cleaver in his head." "I think it's safe to say conventional weapons aren't gonna work against him." "Well, duh." "This is the spawn of Satan." "Of course conventional weapons won't work with him." "Your souls need to be cleansed." "Then you can use conventional." "You know, I'm willing to believe anything at this point." "Fuck, yeah, man." "This is the final showdown between good and evil." "Are you going to be one of Satan's minions or one of Christ's warriors?" "I guess Christ's warriors." "Yeah." "Christ's warrior sounds good." "The seven churches which are in Asia." " Right, right." " That's how far." "How did we get here, Norm?" "I'm just going through the motions." "But, uh, who knows?" "Maybe this will work now that our souls are cleansed." "Yeah, you're right." "As soon as we can get away from him, we need to make a run for it." "Uh, oh, my head hurts." "Where am I?" "Who are you?" "Oh, I think it's about time for you to take your medicine." "Wayne, here you go." "Oh." " Attaboy." " Okay." "Just... atta." "That's the way to go." "So what do we do about Wayne?" "We can't just leave him." "All right, men." "Listen up." "Everyone gather around." "Fuck." "The hour is fast approaching and we need to go over our plan." "Is everyone's tactical gear on?" "Diapers in place?" "Hoorah!" "Yeah, uh, can you, uh, tell me again why we're wearing diapers?" "What are you gonna do in the heat of battle when you need to go to the bathroom?" "Just excuse yourself?" "You think Satan's gonna wait?" "Good thinking." "All right." "Now, take a look." "Here is the convenience store." "That means, Satan's monster will be approaching from the east." "Wayne will be upfront with a .30 caliber machine gun." "I will be patrolling the rear perimeter with the RPG." "Kevin and Norman will give supporting fire from the right flank and the left flank respectively with assault rifles and other small arms." "Everybody on board?" "Sir, yes, sir." "Sir." "Sir, yes, sir." "Excellent." "Now, drop your drawers." "Let's all tug one out." "What, what, what, what?" "No need to be shy, son." "Wait, I'm confused." "What is this for?" "To clear the mind of sexual thoughts." "We don't want them clouding our judgment." "It's okay, men." "We're doing it for Jesus." "Um, uh, well, actually, uh, we prefer to masturbate as a threesome in private." "Whoa." "It's how we normally do it." "All right." "But you've got five minutes." "Fair enough." " Stop that, you idiot." " What?" "We got to think to run for it." "Oh, my God." "I think Wayne wanted to slap his knob in front of us." "Listen, Wayne, that guy is not an authority on this stuff." "He's just a crazy old coot." "Blasphemy." "Blasphemy." "I must tell the master." "I think that went really well." " Should we go?" " Yep." "Master, I see them." "Over there." "Attention all sinners." "Soul clean up on aisle seven." "Whoa." "Aim for Norm." "Ah, fuck." " Norm!" " Fuck!" "Okay." "Sorry." "Just give me a second." "This is tough fabric." "Dude, it's not that bad." "Just fucking relax." "Let's get the fuck out of here." "Slippery little devils, aren't they?" "Aim for Norm next time." "Oh, yeah." "Do you remember those bones you found" "I told were Halloween decorations?" "Yeah." "I lied." "Those were the bones of sinners." "Like you." "I killed them." "That doesn't frighten you?" "I kind of assumed that." "Oh." "I see." "Master." "Master, no!" "Son of a bitch." "Whoa!" "Oh, my eyes." "Oh, no!" "That's unnecessary!" "Oh!" " Oh, fuck!" " Oh, God!" "Oh, it's Wayne." "He was a racist." "Yeah." "Calm down." "Slow..." "Uh-oh." "Here, hold these." "Ah, fuck!" "What the fuck, man?" "Ah, Jesus Christ!" "Oh, God damn it!" "Whoa." "That was some great spur of the moment." "Thank you, Norm." "That's the only plan I know how to do." "Oh, shit!" "Stay back." "I think he's gone." "Is he?" "Yes." "His hand just stopped moving." "But we got fooled by that before." "Yeah." "But that was like whole body." "We just liquefied this fucker." "Unless he could reform or something like a t1000." "Reform?" "I don't know." "I guess you're right." "You did it, brother." "Come on." "Let's get the fuck out of here." "Is there a bus that comes around here?" "We should probably go find my car." "Hey." "When we were kids and I use to take you to the mall and tell people that you were this little lost Asian boy who needed bus fare." "And then we'd take the money and go to the arcade." "Yeah." "We had some good times scamming kind-hearted people out of their money." "So are you sure you don't wanna stick around?" "I could go for some pancakes drenched in maple syrup." "You haven't taken any Insulin in a while." "Yeah." "I know." "It's because I took a double dose before to store it up." "So..." "I'm fine." "It's fine." "I should probably take some more soon." "So thanks for reminding me." "Good looking out." "That's not the way it works." "God damn it!" "Fuck." "All right." "You caught me." "I don't have diabetes, I never did." "You said this was a dying man's wish." "Technically it is." "I mean, we're all dying a little everyday, even you." "What?" "I wanted to see my little brother." "And I knew there was no way you were gonna come out here unless I made something like that up." "You wanna know why I never come out to see you?" "No." "I know why." "It's 'cause of the mom and dad thing." "You think it's my fault and I'm sorry." "No." "That was just the last straw." "I never come out to see you because you're a disaster." "Mom and dad spent every second cleaning up after the mess you made." "They barely had any time for me at all." "Oh, wah, wah, I'm Kevin." "I have baggage and fucking issues." "You don't take anything seriously, do you?" "Maybe." "I don't know." "You know, we haven't even talked about the wake of dead bodies we left out here on this adventure." "I don't even want to think about what's in store for us." "What?" "How is any of this my fault?" "You're being really unfair." "It's just your energy." "My energy?" "Oh, excuse me, Yani, maybe you should stop blaming me for every crappy thing that happens in your life, you know?" "Sometimes shit happens." "Yeah." "Shit happens to you." "Because you're careless and you're a fucking loser." "Well, at least I cared enough to call you." "Goodbye, Norm." "Don't ever call me again." "What?" "Kevin, where are you going?" "Oh, come back man." "I'm lonely." "I don't have any friends!" "Well, fuck." "I'll miss you, buddy." "You have two new messages." "Message one." "Yo, it's Finn, more bad news." "I saw my chiropractor yesterday." "Not good, bro." "I'm on Vicodin and some other shit." "You know, like something heavy." "Anyway, I had to get a new bed and one of those like futuristic foam bed things, you know?" "And I've been doing this therapeutic massage session a couple of times a day." "That ain't that bad, you know, happy endings." "Anyway, I'll be sending the bills and all that crap." "Just giving you a heads up anyway." "Hey, call me if you got anything going on." "Message two." "Hey, Kevin, it's Jason at work." "Listen, you know that bond fun you've got?" "You know, the one you've been Hawking around?" "You know, we're kind of tanked yesterday, a lot of angry people over here, it's crazy." "I wouldn't have thought that could happen with it being so diversified and all." "Just perfect storm I guess." "Well, anyway, that's what happened." "So I'll see you when you get back." "Shit happens." "Hello?" "Hey, Kevin it's me." "Hey, listen, Norm." "I may have overreacted back there." "I'm sorry man." "I should just come back and talk to you in person." "Yeah, you probably don't want to do that right now." "You were right, we didn't kill the monster after all." "It's still trying to get me." "He looks really gross now." "Oh my God." "I'll be there in a minute." "Where are you?" "You really wanna watch while I get eviscerated by an immortal demon?" "Just go, live your life." "I guess this is goodbye." "I love you, buddy." "Hi." "I'm sorry." "I know this is weird and completely out of the blue, but we buried a guy out in the desert and I think there might be like some Indian curse or something because it keeps coming back to life." "And he's trying to kill my brother." "You buried someone in the desert?" "Well, it was an accident." "He choked on a hotdog." "It's complicated, but I didn't know where else to go." "And he won't die." "And you guys are the only Indians or I'm sorry, native Americans I've ever met so I thought maybe there was like a chant or a magical dagger or something?" "He says, "sucks to be your brother."" "Please." "There's nothing you can do?" "My brother is the only family I have left." "I'll do whatever it takes." "So I guess, eventually, I have to sleep and that's when you'll get me, right?" "You're like the lamest monster ever." "Hey." "What's going on?" "What are they talking about?" "It's some sort of curse." "When the white man took the land, an angry chief put a curse on it." "Hey, Kevin." "This is really weird." "My father says that when your brother bought the land, he inherited the curse." "And when you buried the body, the curse was initiated." "And unfortunately, it cannot be lifted." "Oh, great." "Back to square one." "But you can transfer the curse to someone else." "That someone would have to take the land from you." "I'll take it." "Just give it to me, Norm." "No way, I wouldn't do that to you." "Does anybody know any really ill cancer kids or just someone dying soon?" "Or maybe just a real asshole?" "Give me one second." "He says you have five minutes." " Yo!" " Hey, Finn, this is Kevin, the guy who hit you." "Oh, yeah." "How you doing, man?" "Listen, as you know, I'm a financial adviser and my job is to find really lucrative opportunities for my clients." "I found something here that my brother introduced me to and I wanted to share it with you." "Really?" "I'm listening." "Okay." "Well, it's land." "It's out in the desert." "It's beautiful land, it's prime for development." "It's really to die for." "Why the hell would I want to buy some land out in the middle of the desert?" "Look, Finn, man to man, I just lost a lot of money and I don't think you'll be able to get as much out of me as you thought you would." "But this land is worth way more than that, millions at least." "How about I just give it to you?" "Mm-hmm." "And if it doesn't turn out to be everything you had hoped for, you can still take me to the cleaners?" "Does that sound fair?" "So you're just gonna give it to me?" "Yeah." "Free and clear." "All you have to do is accept it." "I think you deserve it, buddy." "All right." "I'll take it." "But if this desert thing doesn't pan out," "I'm still coming after you." "Okay, Finn." "Good bye." "Jovan?" "Jovan!" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "I don't get it." "What just happened?" "You transferred the curse." "The demon must have gone to a different host." "But he can just transfer to another body?" "Why the hell didn't he do that before?" "How the hell should we know?" "We just sell crap by the side of the road." "Hey, you speak English." "Yeah, yeah." "That's just an act so I don't have to talk to people like you." "Oh." "So I never got your name." "Annie." "Annie, it's a very nice name." " Let's go." " Okay, bye." "Thanks for coming back, Kevin." "It's a long story, Jovan." "So, what now?" "I don't know." "Breakfast sounds good." "My treat?" "Pancakes." "Hey, I just remembered." "I video taped that monster." "We can still make that found footage movie." "What do you say, Kevin?" "Ready to break box office records?" "Maybe we should first figure out our alibi, Norm." "They were out of regular so I got your diet." "Hey!" "What, are you fucking sleeping on me?" "It's time for some road head, wake up!" "Hey, I'm talking to you, retard!" "What the fuck?"