"Seven years ago this very night  the clown prince of crime, the Joker, was born on this spot." "Since then, Gotham has repeatedly been rocked  by the attacks of this criminal madman." "Who is he?" "Where did he come from?" "What diabolical scheme is he plotting even now?" "I'm Jack Ryder." "Join me as we answer these questions and more  on Joker:" "The Madness Behind the Laughter." "His true identity unknown." "Operating under a variety of aliases  a nameless gunsel began his criminal career  as a hit man for the Valestra mob." "Then he struck out on his own." " Formed a gang." " Come on, Bruce." "How many times do you have to hear this?" " First target:" "The Ace Chemical Plant." " Oh, I forgot." "Mr. Obsessive." "It was a foolproof plan." "Or was it?" "The daring break-in." "The first confrontation with the Batman." "Conflict." "Struggle." "A vat of chemicals." "A life changed forever." "Former identity, erased." "New persona:" "The Joker." "Looks like Ryder's got a surprise guest star." "Driven mad by his unlikely transformation Joker soon began his reign of terror." " Think Bat saw you, puddy tat?" "Oh, he did, he did." "He'd never miss a show about me." "He's my biggest fan." "But just in case..." "Hey, wait, what's going on here?" "We're live." "No, I'm live." "You're dead." "Ladies and gentlemen, I assure you that what you're seeing is really no joke." "Help." "Help." "Let's show the folks at home what really happened seven years ago." "I'll be Batman, you be me." "And they say I'm crazy." "Make our old friend feel unwelcome, boys." "Come on, let's just grab him." "Let me at him." "Let me at him." "What determination." "Give that man a cigar." "Fireworks make me all tingly inside." " Robin?" " Over here, Batman." "Guess again, kiddo." "How about that, Bats?" "You broke my face and got seven years of bad luck." "Are you going to try for 14?" "Or are you going to raise that anchorman out of the ocean?" "Breaking news!" "And if you broke it, you have to pay for it." "And now the weather." "Partly gaga with a 50 percent chance of schizophrenia." "Feeling pretty good." "For a dead guy." "Oh, that was unexpected." "I better slow down here try to figure out logically what's going on." "Whoa, that hurt." "Okay, we'll come back to that." "Excuse me, lady." "I seem to be having a wee bit of an identity crisis." "Okay, I love you." "Bye-bye." "It's official." "My TVQ's in the toilet." "I gotta avenge myself and pull the plug on the Joker's show." "But first..." "Wardrobe." "No." "Nope." "No." "No!" "It's been done." "Any suggestions?" " With your coloring, I'd go green." " Gotcha." " What about the boa?" "Too much?" " Not for you, baby." "I wanna strike terror into the hearts of criminals." "Cash or plastic?" "Plastic." "Funny." " Sir, something you may find interesting." " Go ahead, Alfred." "The police just received a call about a giggling lemon-yellow maniac trashing a thrift shop." "But here's the strange part." "He paid for his purchase with Jack Ryder's credit card." "I can't believe it." "The buzz on the street is someone's stealing my routine." "Is there no honor among thieves." "Mo." " Lar." "Cur!" " I gave them the night off, pudding." "Happy Anniversary, Mr. J" "You're really swell and okay" "It's seven years to the day" "Take the night off Let's play" "Harley." "Wanna try some of my pie?" "Harley." "I'm sure you'll want seconds." "Harley, I'm not in the party mood." "If you really wanna make me happy find the plagiarist who's been stealing my act." "Sweet kid, but a lousy cook." "I know you." "Last time we met, you were working for, dramatic pause, the Joker." "We don't know nothing about no Joker, creep." "Creep?" "Creep?" "I like it." "My new name, the Creep." "No, wait." "Too negative." "I have it!" "I am, drum roll, please." "I said, drum roll, please!" " Hey!" " I am the Creeper!" "So tell me." "From one sociopath to another, where is the Joker?" "His girlfriend's throwing him a party." "Invitation only." "Darn it!" "Left the invite in my other pants." " So, what's the address again?" " Oh, don't crash Joker's party." "We're gonna throw our own bash." "I spent hours baking that pie." "Does he show any appreciation?" "No." " Hey, come here." " Yeah." " Hand over Joker." "Now." " What about the Joker?" "Baby!" "Hey, you're the guy swiping Mr. J's act." "Not me." "I'm one of a kind, toots." " What do you want?" " The inside story on the Joker." "Also, your phone number." " I see you found him." " You'll never take me alive, Batman." "Feisty, kooky." "I like her." "That's right, mama." "Hurt me." "I've been bad." " Knock it off, creep." " Creeper." "Well, you are agile." "I'll give you that." " And what else will you give me?" " Come here and see." "That's one way out of a bad date." " We have to get him out." " Got a mop?" "I like a girl who plays rough." " But she just tried to kill you." " You're young, you'll learn." " Who are you?" " They call me yellow-skinned wacky man." " But I prefer the Creeper." " Call Arkham, quick." "Jilted madman stalks crazy clown girl." "Film at 11." "Film at 11?" "You don't think?" "The chemicals in the vat could have interacted with Joker's laughing gas." " And he had Ryder's credit card." " You mean, that's Jack Ryder?" " The news guy?" " What's left of him." "My love awaits." "Mr. J!" "Mr. J!" "You nearly blew us to Chattahoochee!" "You gotta save me, pudding." "He's after me." "And who, precisely, would that be?" " Harley, I'm home!" " Him." "Wow, it does strike fear into the hearts of criminals." "He's the creep who's stealing your act." "And that's not all, Mr. Happy." "I'm stealing your girl too." "I swear, Mr. J, I didn't encourage him." "That's okay, pooh." "I know you're a one-man loon." "There's only room for one clown prince in this town." "How would you like an all-expense paid trip to Metropolis?" "On Air-Nitro." "Which way did he go?" "That way." "Sweetie got a boo-boo?" "Creepo got a concussion?" "Stall them, doll face." "I'll get the car." "No, thanks." "I've had my windows done." "Mr. J, over here." "Step on it, Harl." "Gangway." "I'm hot-wired and in hot pursuit." "Hey, fish in a barrel." "Creeper, stop the car." "Now!" "Wipers." "Oh, boy." "Incoming!" "Bye-bye." "He's a lunatic." " Baby, on you, even garbage looks good." " Go away." "Sleepy." "So this antidote patch is the only thing between me and a room at Arkham." "It's temporary." "I'll need to make more." "Thanks, but I might as well have dissolved in that vat." " My career..." " Is salvageable." "No one else knows you were the Creeper." "Keep wearing the patch and it'll stay that way." "A little piece of cotton." "Hard to believe." "[ENGLISH]"