"Trickster:" "Sam, starring as Lucifer." "Dean, starring as Michael." "You're gonna suck it up, except your responsibility's and play the roles that destiny has chosen for you." " Why doesn't a stake kill you?" " I am the trickster." "Or maybe, you're not." " Castiel:" "Hello Gabriel." " Sam:" "The arch angel?" "This isn't about some prize fight, between your brothers." "This is about you, being to afraid to stand up to your family." " You gonna do something stupid?" " Like what?" " Like, Michael... stupid?" " Come on, Sam." "Things are about to get really bad." "The people I'm going to see next... they're not gonna get anything from me, without agreeing to a few conditions." "Lisa:" "Whatever you're thinking of doing, don't do it." "I have to." "Zachariah:" "You're finally ready, right?" "You know there's no other choice." "There's never been a choice." "The answer is yes." "Dean." "[chanting in enochian]" "Of course, I have a few conditions." " What changed your mind?" " The damnedest thing." "I mean, the world's ending, the walls are coming down on us." "I just didn't want to let you down." "So screw destiny." "I say we take the fight to them, do it our way." "[car door opens]" "[car door closes] [keys jingle] [door creaks]" "[wood creaking]" "Hello?" "Hello?" "[metallic clang]" "[gasps]" "Hiya." "Buddy, you can't be here." "'Course I can." "Someone's got to get everything ready." "They're coming... all of them." "And we've each got our part to play." "Even you." "What?" "You're dinner." "No!" "[crunch] Aah!" "Aah!" "Season 5 Episode 19 "Hammer of the Gods"" "[bell dings] [thunder crashes]" "[gasping]" "Phew." "[lounge music plays]" "Nice digs, for once." "Busy night." "Any port in a storm, I guess." "[chuckles]" "If you could just fill this out, please." "Yeah." "Sir, I think you got a little... shaving nick there." "Your key." "Oh." "Thanks." "Hey, you wouldn't happen to have a coffee shop, would you?" "Buffet." "All you can eat." "Best pie in the tri-state area." "You don't say?" "[the bachelors' "you know you know" (I love you) plays]" "Heaven, right?" "[scoffs]" "Trust me, pal... better." "How you doing?" "No." " But..." " No." "Oh, lady, I'm just... you know..." "I understand." "And no." "10-4." "Copy." "[cellphone beeping] [grunts]" "Sam, unpucker, man." "Eat something." "We should hit the road, Dean." "In this storm?" "What?" "I-it's..." "It's biblical." "Exactly." "I-it's friggin' Noah's ark out there, and we're eating pie." "How many hours of sleep did you get this week?" "What... three, four?" "Bobby's got his feelers out, okay?" "We have talked with every hoodoo man and root woman in 12 States." "Yeah, well, I'm not giving up." "Nobody's giving up." "Especially me." "We're gonna find a way to beat the devil, okay?" "Soon." "I can feel it." "And we will find Cass, we'll find Adam." "But you are no good to me burnt out." "Yeah." "Yeah, okay." "Come on." "We've actually got the night off for once." "Let's try to enjoy it." "[lounge music plays] [laughing]" "Oh, what are you, 12?" "[scoffs]" "I'm young at heart." "[door creaks] [whistles]" "Wow." "Look at this." "We're like Rockefellers." "Chocolates!" "You want yours?" "Knock yourself out." "Whoa." ""Casa Erotica 13" on demand." "[scoffs]" "What?" "Isn't this place kind of... in the middle of nowhere?" "So?" "So what's a four-star hotel doing on a no-star highway?" "[woman moaning pleasurably, bed thumping] [chuckles] [loud thud]" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Dean:" "The, uh, the room next to ours... th-the couple that are, uh, joined at the lips... have you seen them?" "Mr. And Mrs. Logan..." "the honeymooners?" "They checked out." "Is something the matter?" "They checked out?" "Mm-hmm." "Mm, just now." "Really?" "It sort of seemed like they were, um... [chuckles] in the middle of something." "Yeah, it's kind of weird for honeymooners to, uh, check out without this." "Oh, dear." "I'll just put that right in the lost and found." "Don't you worry." "Is there anything else I can help you with?" "Uh, no." "No, we're good." "Super-fantastic." "Creepy." "Broke the needle." "All right, well, I'll scope out the joint, and you keep an eye on Norman Bates over here." "I mean, one night off... is that too much to ask?" "[elevator bell dings]" "[device whirring]" "This ain't no peep show, man!" "You're beautiful." "You're sweet." "I hate sweet." "[clears throat] Sorry to interrupt." "The last guest just arrived." "So everything's ready?" "As it will ever be." "Pantry's full." "And the Winchesters?" "Suspicious, but under control." "You have their blood?" "Of course I do." "I'm quick." "Boys never even knew what hit them." "Thank you, Mercury." "Okay." "Let's get this show on the road." " An elephant?" " Yeah." "Like, an elephant?" "Like, full-on Babar." "So what the hell... is... [lounge music plays]" "Where is everybody?" "Let me guess... it's locked." "So, what?" "The roaches check in, they don't check out?" "Think about how we got here." "That detour on I-90... the friggin' hurricane?" "You saying we were led here?" "Like rats in a maze." "[liquid bubbling]" "Please be tomato soup." "Please be tomato soup." "Motel hell." "Help us!" "Get us out!" "Hurry up!" "I'm going as fast as I... as I can." "There's somebody behind me, isn't there?" "[both grunting]" "Something tells me this isn't a Shriner Convention." "Dinner is served." "[applause]" "Ladies and gentlemen... our guests of honor have arrived." "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming." "Well, in all my centuries, I never thought I'd see this... this many gods under one roof." "Gods?" "Now, before we get down to brass tacks, some ground rules:" "No slaughtering each other." "Curb your wrath." "Oh, and, uh, keep your hands off the local virgins... we're trying to keep a low profile here." "Oh, we are so, so screwed." "Now, we all know why we're here." "The Judeo-Christian apocalypse looms over us." "I know we've all had our little disagreements in the past, but the time has come to put those aside - and look toward the future." "'Cause if we don't, we won't have one." "Now, we do have two very valuable bargaining chips..." "Michael and Lucifer's vessels." "The question is... what do we do now?" "Anybody have any bright ideas, speak up." "This is a safe room." "Oh, I don't like his tone." "Kill them, why?" "So the angels here can bring them back again?" "Odin:" "I don't know what everybody's getting so worked up about." "This is just a couple of angels having a slap fight." "It's no Armageddon." "Everybody knows when the world comes to an end, the great serpent Jörmungandr rises up, and I, myself, will be eaten by a big wolf." "[laughs]" "Oh, yeah... and why is that?" "Because your beliefs are so much more realistic?" "The whole world's getting carried around on the back of a giant turtle." "[scoffs] Give me a break." "What are you gonna do about it?" "You watch your mouth when you talk to me, boy!" "No one's ever proved that." "Stay." "We have to fight." "The archangels, the only thing they understand is violence." "This ends in blood." "There is no other way." "It's them... or us." "With all due respect..." "Ma'am... we haven't even tried talking to them." "[choking]" "Kali." "[gasps]" "Who asked you?" "Can't we all just get along?" "Gabe... [clicks tongue]" "Sam." "Dean." "It's always wrong place, worst time with you mutton-heads, huh?" "Loki." "Baldur." "Good seeing you, too." "I guess my invitation got lost in the mail." "Why are you here?" "To talk about the elephant in the room." "Not you." "The Apocalypse." "We can't stop it, gang." "But first things first." "The adults need to have a little conversation." "Check you later." "[snaps fingers]" "Okay... did that... holy crap." "Yeah, tell me about it." "By the way, next time I say "let's keep driving,"" "uh..." "let's keep driving." "Okay, yeah, next time." "Uh, all right, so, what's our next move?" "I-I..." "[chuckles]" "I don't know." "We grab those poor saps out of the freezer, I guess... bust them out." "Gank a few freaks along the way if we're lucky." "And when are you ever lucky?" "Oh, you know what...?" "bite me, Gabriel." "Maybe later, big boy." "I should have known." "I mean, this had your stink all over it from the jump." "You think I'm behind this?" "Please." "I'm the Costner to your Houston." "I'm here to save your ass." "You want to pull us out of the fire?" "Bingo." "Those gods are either gonna dust you or use you as bait." "Either way, you're uber-boned." "Wow... 'cause a couple of months ago, you were telling us that we need to play our roles." "You were uber-boning us." "Ohhhhh, the end is still nigh." "Michael and Lucifer are gonna dance the lambada." "But not tonight..." "not here." "And why do you care?" "I don't care." "But... me and Kali, we, uh... had a thing." "Chick was all hands." "What can I say..." "I'm sentimental." "Do they have a chance... against Satan?" "Really, Sam?" "You got a better idea, Dean?" "It's a bad idea." "Lucifer's gonna turn them into finger paint." "So let's get going while the going's good." "Okay, great." "Why don't you just zap us out of here, then?" "Would if I could... but Kali's got you by the short and curlies." "It's a blood spell." "You boys are on a leash." "What does that mean?" "Means it's time for a little of the old black magic." "[spray hisses] Ahh." "Okay." "Yeah, Well, whatever." "We're gonna take the hors d'oeuvres in the freezer with us." "Forget it." "It's gonna be hard enough sneaking you mooks out of here." "They called you "Loki," right?" "Which mean they don't really know who you are." "Told you..." "I'm in Witness Protection." "Okay, well, then how about you do what we say, or we tell the, uh, legion of doom about your secret identity?" "They don't seem like a real pro-angel kind of crowd." "I'll take your voices away." " We'll write it down." " I'll cut off your hands." "Then people are gonna be asking," ""why are you guys running around with no hands?"" "[inhales deeply]" "Fine." "Bonjour, mon amour." "Leave." "You always did play hard to get." "Kali:" "I've moved on." "I noticed." "Baldur... really?" "Baldur's uncomplicated." "Man:" "No!" "No, no!" "[screaming]" "No!" "No!" "Stop!" "No!" "It's too late." "[screaming] [screaming stops]" "Kali:" "I never took you for the type." "Romantic?" "Pathetic." "You're the one who called me here." "Because I thought you might take this seriously." "I'm taking this seriously." "Ship's sinking..." "time to get off." "I mean, screw this marble." "Let's go check out Pandora." "It doesn't have to be like that." "Afraid it does." "If we fight..." "You die." "And what makes you such an expert?" "I've tussled with those winged ass-monkeys once or twice." "Kali... no more tricks." "I'm begging you..." "don't do this." "I have to." "[chuckles softly]" "Can't blame me for trying." "[chuckles softly]" "Still love me?" "No." "[screaming]" "[groans]" "Ow!" "[grunting] [gasping]" "Where the hell is Gabriel?" "You must take me for a fool..." "Gabriel." "You're bound to me..." "now and forever." " Ghostfacers!" " Ghostfacers!" "Ghostfacers" "We face the ghosts when the others will not we're the ghost..." "Ghostfacers." "They leave the kitchen when the kitchen gets hot" "Is the intern position open?" " You're hired!" " [gasps] Oh!" "Really?" " See my face... right in your little box?" " Yeah." "Okay, my face has got to be right in your box." "Ghostfacers" "We face the faces, we face the ghosts" "Ghostfacers." "If you're dead, you better stay dead." "Yep." "'Cause if not, we're gonna kill you." "[both grunting]" "How long have you known?" "Long enough." "[grunts, sighs]" "How's the rescue going?" "Well, surprise, surprise." "The trickster's tricked us." "Kali... don't." "You're mine now... and you have something I want... an archangel's blade." "From the archangel..." "Gabriel." "Okay!" "Okay!" "So I got wings." "Like kotex." "But that doesn't make me any less right about Lucifer." "He's lying." "He's a spy." "I'm not a spy..." "I'm a runaway." "I'm trying to save you." "I know my brother, Kali... he should scare the living crap out of you." "You can't beat him." "I've skipped ahead..." "seen how this story ends." "Your story... not ours." "Westerners..." "I swear, the sheer arrogance." "You think you're the only ones on earth?" "You pillage and you butcher in your God's name." "But you're not the only religion." "And he's not the only God." "And now you think you can just rip the planet apart?" "You're wrong." "[voice breaking] There are billions of us, and we were here first." "If anyone gets to end this world... it's me." "I'm sorry." "This is crazy." "They can die." "We can kill Lucifer." "[sighs]" "All right, you primitive screw-heads... listen up." "Are you out of your mind?" "I'm out of options." "Now, on any other given day," "I'd be doing my damnedest to, uh, kill you, you filthy, murdering chimps." "[chuckles]" "But, uh, hey... desperate times." "So even though I'd love nothing better than to slit your throats, you... dicks..." "I'm gonna help you." "I'm gonna help you ice the devil." "[liquid pours]" "And then we can all get back to ganking each other, like normal." "You want Lucifer?" "Well, dude's not in the yellow pages." "But me and Sam, we can get him here." "How?" "First, you let those main courses go." "Then we talk." "We can either take on the devil together... or you lame-ass bitches can eat me." "Literally." "Dean:" "Come on, everybody!" "Let's go!" "Let's go." "Let's go." "Let's go." "Let's go." "All right." "All right." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Get out of here!" "Psst!" "Dean!" "D... don't look at me!" "Act natural." "Get in." "Man, there is nothing natural about this at all." "I thought you were dead." "You think I'd give Kali my real sword?" "That thing can kill me." "Then what do they have in there?" "A fake." "Made it out of a can of diet orange slice." "So, uh... go snag our blood, would ya?" "What?" "I heard you in there." "Kali likes you." "You can get close." "Lift the plasma, then we vamoose." "No." "Hand over the real blade." "Better yet, why don't you sack up and help us take down Lucifer?" "You can't be serious." "Deadly." "Since when are you butt-buddies with a bunch of monsters?" "That's all they are to you, aren't they?" "All right, you know what?" "Sam was right." "It's nuts." "But it's the best idea I've heard." "So unless you have a better one..." "Well, good luck with that." "Me, I'm blowing Jonestown." "Those lemmings want to run off a cliff, that's their business." "I see right through you." "You know that?" "The smart-ass shell, the whole "I could give a crap" thing." "Believe me, it takes one to know one." " That so?" " Yes." "And maybe those freaks in there aren't your blood, but they are your family." "They just stabbed me in the friggin' heart!" "Maybe, but you still give a crap about them, don't you?" "Dean..." "Now, they're gonna die in there without you." "I can't kill my brother." ""Can't" or "won't"?" "That's what I thought." "So, you're going to summon Lucifer?" "Sort of." "I just need you to squeegee some stuff from my ribs, and he'll come running." "Breaking them would be easier." "Show's over." "Sword's a fake." "And Gabriel... he's still kicking." "I hate to break it to you, sister, but you've been tricked." "[bell dings]" "Checking in." "Lucifer." "Thanks for coming." "Oh, you did right calling me." "It's just... the way the talk is heading in there, it's... it's insane." "You know, I never understood you pagans." "You're such..." "petty little things." "Always fighting... always happy to sell out your own kind." "No wonder you forfeited this planet to us." "You are worse than humans." "You're worse than demons." "And yet you claim to be gods." "[bones crunch]" "And they call me prideful." "[rumbling]" "What's happening?" "[Odin screaming] [bones crunch]" "It's him." "How?" "Does it matter?" "Shazam us out of here, would you?" "We can't." "Of course you can't." "You didn't say "mother, may I?"" "Sam, Dean." "Good to see you again." "Baldur... don't." "You think you own the planet?" "What gives you the right?" "!" "[gasps]" "No one gives us the right." "We take it." "Are you okay?" "Not really." "Better late than never, huh?" "Guard this with your life." "[Grunts and moans]" "Lucy..." "I'm home." "Not this time." "Guys...!" "get her out of here." "Over a girl." "Gabriel, really?" "I mean, I knew you were slumming, but..." "I hope you didn't catch anything." "Lucifer... you're my brother, and I love you." "But you are a great big bag of dicks." "What did you just say to me?" "Look at yourself." "Boo-hoo." "Daddy was mean to me, so I'm gonna smash up all his toys."" "Watch your tone." "Play the victim all you want." "But you and me..." "we know the truth." "Dad loved you best." "More than Michael." "More than me." "Then he brought the new baby home, and you couldn't handle it." "So all this is just a great big temper tantrum." "Time to grow up." "I'm not getting in that thing." "Just get in the car, princess." "[engine turns over, tires screech]" "Gabriel, if you're doing this for Michael..." "Screw him." "If he were standing here, I'd shiv his ass, too." "[scoffs]" "You disloyal..." "Oh, I'm loyal... to them." "Who... these... so-called gods?" " To people, Lucifer." " Hmm." "People." "So you're willing to die for a pile of cockroaches?" "Why?" "Because dad was right." "They are better than us." "They are broken, flawed abortions." "Damn right they're flawed." "[inhales deeply]" "But a lot of them try... to do better, to forgive." "And you should see the spearmint rhino." "I've been riding the pine a long time," "But I'm in the game now." "And I'm not on your side or Michael's." "I'm on theirs." "Brother, don't make me do this." "No one makes us do anything." "I know you think you're doing the right thing, Gabriel... but I know where your heart truly lies." "Here." "[gurgling]" "Amateur hocus-pocus." "Don't forget... you learned all your tricks from me, little brother." "[Gabriel screams] [breathing heavily]" "[sexy music plays]" "Woman: [thinking] dear diary..." "Being a high-powered business president is super-fun" "But so exhausting." "Sometimes I just need to relax." "I need..." "Casa Erotica." "[knock on door]" "Room service." "Come in!" "Gabriel wanted you to guard this with your life?" "Maybe he's a fan." "It is a good one." "I've got the kielbasa you ordered." "Mmm." "Polish?" "Hungarian." "[dishes clatter]" "Ahh!" "Ooh!" "[chuckles]" "What the hell's going on?" "[smacks lips]" "Sam." "Dean." "You're probably wondering what the hell's going on." "Well... if you're watching this..." "I'm dead." "Oh, please!" "Stop sobbing." "It's embarrassing for all of us." "Without me, you've got zero shot at killing Lucifer." "Sorry." "But... you can trap him." "The cage you sprung Lucifer from is still down there." "And maybe... just maybe..." "you can shove his ass back in." "Not that it'll be easy." "You got to get the cage open, trick my bro back into it... and, uh... oh, yeah... avoid Michael and the God squad." "But hey, details, right?" "And here's the big secret" "Lucifer himself doesn't even know." "But the key to the cage..." "it's out there." "Actually, it's keys... plural." "Four keys." "Well, four rings... from the horsemen." "You get them all, you got the cage." "Can't say I'm betting on you boys." "But, uh, hey, I've been wrong before." "And, Dean... you were right." "I was afraid to stand up to my brother." "[growls playfully]" "Not anymore." "So this is me standing up." "And this is me... lying down." "[laughs] [moaning pleasurably] [zipper opens]" "Ooh!" "Oh!" "Oh, man." "Horsemen, huh?" "Well, we got War's," "we nicked Famine's." "That's two rings down." "Collect all four." "All we need is, Pestilence and Death." "Oh, is that all?" "It's a plan." "[fly buzzing] [buzzing stops]" "[bells jingle, buzzing resumes] [sighs]" "[sniffs] [gulps]" "[sneezes] [wheezing] [flies buzzing]" "What the hell?" "[coughs] [sneezes]" "Does this stuff make you drowsy?" "I got a lot of driving to do." "Blue ones make you sleepy." "Red and orange ones are okay for daytime." "[sneezes]" "This is... this is awful." "[coughing] [sniffs]" "[engine turns over]" "[flies buzzing]" "Edited by Scooby"