"We may be about to witness a black gold rush into this war-stricken country." "The government soldiers seem to identify with Manchester United for some reason." "Yes, Reds." "Up the Reds!" "(GUN FIRING)" "David, may I introduce you to Samantha Cunningham-Fleming, she's the local coordinator of Sons Without Guns." "Jack has gone, David, he has only been here a week, and he's pissed off home to inseminate his wife." "The last 24 hours have seen an escalation in the already difficult situation in this war-stricken African country." "An anti-government rally in the capital yesterday descended into violence after the President's elite troops fired on the crowd." "Simultaneously, in the laundry store at this hotel, my girlfriend Grace, also the receptionist here, unexpectedly revoked downstairs privileges after I suggested that the music of Kenny G was nothing special." "Anyway, there was a riot, which I missed completely because I was trying to find my trousers." "This morning there's a febrile atmosphere in the capital." "Three foreign journalists have been arrested and no one quite knows what's going to happen next." "Except me." "I'm about to visit my girlfriend's father for the first time." "I think I'd prefer the riot." "What are you doing?" "Let's go." "Jane!" "Jane!" "Yoo-hoo!" "Jane!" "Samantha." "Come and look at my booth." "I'm taking awareness raising to a new level." "I'm targeting opinion formers just after they've been cavity-searched." "They're much easier to persuade then." "Super!" "Super duper, in fact." "I'm just gonna be..." "And I'm giving everyone a leaflet for tomorrow." "You'd forgotten, hadn't you?" "Silly Jane!" "Knock, knock!" "No, I hadn't forgotten..." "It's the first-ever Sons Without Guns Summer Fete!" "That is such a good idea." "Only a genius would have thought of having a traditional" "English village fair for child soldiers." "I'll tell you what, I'll bring my new cameraman, if he turns up." "I'm sure he'd love to play pin the pin in the grenade." "We're not doing that." "Too dangerous." "Silly Jane." "Do you know, I think I know why these little shells you wear like you so much." "Because when you hold them up to your ear, they can hear the ocean." "DAVID:" "Typical bloody African government." "Never arrest the right people." "Don't they know how many times I've been detained?" "Is it 98?" "Yes, I'm only two off my century." "Olaf doesn't need to be arrested, he hasn't got a book coming out." "Oh, so that's it?" "I absolutely promised Kimberly at my publishers" "I'd be at the hotel to check the cover proof she's faxing me." "Mind you, get myself banged up by an oppressive regime," "Bob's your Mugabe, book'll sell itself." "If you want to get arrested, why didn't you ask?" "My cousin Heavenlight is chief of police." "Really?" "It would only cost you $ 100 or so, more if you want bruising." "He offers the complete service." "A one-stop cop-shop." "Yes, he has that on his business card." "Well, it's tempting." "I remember I was roughed up in South Ossetia..." "Make your mind up, David." "Bruising or book?" "Hmm." "Hotel first." "And quickly!" "If I miss the print deadline on this, they've threatened to give my marketing budget to Trevor McDonald." "Do not worry." "With proper navigation we'll be there in no time at all." "Tom Tom will do his work." "Tom Tom!" "The New Hotel Waterbuck!" "The New Hotel Waterbuck." "Go straight to the tree hit by lightning last rainy season, then past the place where the soldiers had the big fire to roast the antelope." "What an amazing memory." "How does he know all this?" "This is the famous oral tradition" "of African storytelling." "Oh." "It is how knowledge was passed down by the elders from generation to generation to generation." "Until Wikipedia was invented." "TOM TOM:" "Keep right where the lion ate Abdu's goat." "I think it might be the manifold." "Promise me, Harry, you have not sabotaged your car just to avoid meeting my father?" "Of course, I haven't." "(STAMMERING) I'm looking forward to meeting your father." "Very much." "Have you told him much about me?" "It is important to him to know that anyone I am going out with has good prospects, a secure job and will be able to protect me in these dangerous times." "So, no, I have been as vague as possible about you." "Grace, is this about last night?" "No." "Okay." "Is this one of the times when no means yes?" "No." "But was that?" "Yes." "Yes." "I get only one night off a week, Harry!" "You know that." "I thought you were going to take me somewhere special." "I took you to the best restaurant in the city." "A restaurant in which I sometimes work as a waitress." "I just thought you might like to see it from the other side of the table." "When I came back from the toilet" "Mr Samra asked me why I hadn't cleared table three." "Oh." "I just thought you were helping out on your way past." "Harry, for a journalist, you are really not very perceptive." "I'm sorry, Grace." "I am." "Look." "Sorry face." "Oh, come on, Grace, Grace." "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "(HARRY MUMBLING)" "Unbelievable." "We're raising the money for a wind turbine." "It's a sort of windmill that makes electricity from the wind." "Without electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight." "I'll put you down for a dollar apiece." "So the government soldiers panic, right?" "They declare an instant curfew." "Everyone, I mean everyone, off the streets, and then they started shooting." "Hold on, according to the wires, "The capital saw another night of calm."" "Well, perhaps the wires can explain what all the thumping and shouting was that kept me awake last night?" "Hotel disco?" "I don't know, hey, maybe they were having a krunk night." "I love krunk." "Is London losing interest in this story or do you just have attention deficit disorder?" "No, no, Jane, look, you know how it is." "There's just a lot of very grabby stories around this week." "Oh, do enlighten me." "Have they finally nationalised Gordon Brown?" "Have Trinny and Susannah had ankle botox?" "Look, feeling of the morning meeting is that there's nothing new to say about this war, you know?" "It's all fighting and refugees and disease and stuff." "Three arrested journalists, though?" "Does nobody care about them?" "They were Norwegian, for God's sake." "I mean, what the f?" "Word to the wise, Jane." "They're talking about bringing David back to London." "There is a spot on the Breakfast sofa if he plays his cards right." "I hope you're joking." "Do you know what happened the last time" "David was made to come back and do Breakfast?" "Natasha Kaplinsky couldn't stop him rambling on about wrestling Somali warlords." "The bloke from the Tweenies was terrified." "Mood of the meeting was he's very good on the sofa." "He tests really well." "Especially when," ""Girl does all the talking, he stares at her like a happy uncle."" "Just please don't do that to him." "As I say, Jane, if there's nothing going on where you are..." "There's rioting!" "There's rebels closing in on the capital." "It's a humanitarian disaster waiting to happen." "Viewers like humanitarian disasters after they happen." "We'll do it then." "Now, what language should I use to address your father?" "I do want to make a good impression." "My father speaks a little English." "He gets by." "Okay." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Whoa!" "Hello." "Mr Mitiko." "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "Harry, this is my father Goroi." "Hello, my name is Harry." "It's very nice to meet you." "How do you do?" "Hello, Harry." "Yes." "How do you do?" "He speaks..." "You speak very good English." "Where did you learn your English?" "(SLOWLY) I was a professor of post-modern English literature before the war." "Is he just learning English?" "This could become exceedingly tedious." "No, sir, I'm the BBC stringer here." "I send them stories and they pay me." "Oh, you are the BBC?" "Yeah." "But I thought the BBC spoke BBC English." "He's from Croydon." "Oh." "Where's your new man coming in from, Jane?" "Reykjavik." "Oh, that's a very long way, Jane." "Doesn't he care about his carbon footprint?" "He must have very big carbon feet." "JANE:" "That's a lot of Chinese people on this flight." "Who was that Chinese guy you were just talking to?" "Absolutely no idea." "Oh!" "His name is Xian-ming Xiang and he works for the Nanking Lotus Petrochemical Corporation!" "Is this a sponsor form?" "I've been getting pledges of money for my boys to do a sponsored tidy before the fete." "I've put you down for a dollar an item they pick up." "It all gets recycled." "Mr Xiong Zhizhong, Mr Jianping Shen, Dr Song Qian, they all work for the same company." "Oh, yes?" "Oh, I really fancy a spring roll now." "Me too, couldn't face the goat bap on the plane." "Jane Thomason?" "Yes." "Jane Thomason, yes, you must be Rory Wallace." "I'm Samantha Cunningham-Fleming." "Would you like to sponsor us?" "All the money goes straight to boy soldiers." "No thanks, love, they had a collection for Kim Jong-Il and Robert Mugabe on the plane, so I gave all my change to that." "We're going to have to go." "Bye-bye, Samantha, bye-bye." "Oh, you will come to the fete, won't you?" "We'll be doing "Guess The Number of Bullets In The Jar"." "Just you try and stop me." "Please try and stop me." "Go straight past the anthill" "Go straight past the anthill where the first opposition leader was executed, turn right... (MOBILE PHONE RINGING)" "These blueteeth are very clever." "When a call comes in, Tom Tom pauses automatically." "Do you have our new cameraman, Miss Jane?" "Yes, say hello, Rory." "Hello, Rory." "You're yanking my chain." "Not Rory Wallace." "Did you see that night-vision shoot he did in Basra!" "He jumped out of a burning jeep, vaulted a wall, pulled a woman clear of some falling rubble, and then swung round in time to catch his correspondent doing a piece to camera just as the Paras ambushed Saddam's bodyguard." "He is quite, quite unflinching." "Is that not right, Mr Bradburn?" "We all get lucky sometimes." "Do you want me to pick you up from the airport?" "No, Joyful, we'll meet him back at the hotel." "Yes, please, Joyful, and hurry up, because Samantha's here and I don't want to be whinnied to death." "We'll be there at the airport in..." "Tom Tom?" "Sixteen minutes." "I can do it in 12." "Thank you, Joyful." "So, have you worked with Bradburn before?" "Nope, but I hear he's a pussycat." "Well, yeah, he is, the sort of a pussycat that drags stuff in and drops it on your lap." "RORY:" "Sound as if you wanna have him put down." "Well, it might be the kindest thing." "London want him to go back and do Breakfast." "Oh, not again." "I heard that the last time they couldn't stop him showing people his scars." "No one wants to see skin grafts that time of the morning, least of all Dame Judi Dench." "Some mornings you could switch on and see the poor bastard rocking backwards and forwards like a caged bear in a Serbian circus." "Well, you just have to make sure David's indispensable here." "Wish I could." "They haven't taken anything new off us for nearly a week." "David's inconsolable." "He's not on the telly and he literally can't get himself arrested." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I thought this was one of these important wars." "Look, if no one cares but the locals, I won't waste any tape." "No, no, I've just got to find a story, and you've got to shoot it, otherwise it's the Serbian circus for David." "(HOWLING)" "You know what the interesting thing about post-modern literature is?" "No." "Hmm?" "What's interesting about it?" "That the fragmentation post-modernism bestows is reflected in our nation's continuing gradual disintegration from within." "And that's definitely the interesting thing about it?" "Well, yes." "Yeah." "Yeah." "The past has gone." "And now my existence is an existential protest." "I have forsworn material things." "Oh!" "Then I can stop sending you half my wages every week!" "My daughter loves her little jokes." "Oh, I've got a joke." "How many post-modernists does it take to change a light bulb?" "Harry..." "Two." "One to ponder the ongoing cultural hegemony of the electrical, manual pseudo duality, and the other to call the caretaker!" "I disagree." "In a Derridaist reading, light is a social construct." "Oh." "There is a dialectic between darkness as a reality and reality as a mode." "So the answer is none." "We would sit in the dark and argue." "(CHUCKLING)" "Let's go and look at my cousin's goats." "Goat watching time!" "Not far from the airport now, eh?" "Then the hotel it is." "Roadblock ahead." "Turn around, where possible." "DAVID:" "Oh, for pity's sake." "Joyful, can you tell them I'm in a hurry?" "It's a government roadblock, so we are supporting Manchester United." "MARGARET:" "Not Wimbledon?" "I only cheer for the Dons." "There wasn't a roadblock here yesterday." "JOYFUL:" "After the riots last night, the President probably wants to show that he rules with an iron fist." "Or perhaps it is because it is Friday." "Friday?" "A good time to raise money for the weekend." "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "So what happened to your previous camera guy?" "Oh, all of a sudden, it turned out his wife was having IVF." "One day he's here, the next he's on a flight home to boil her eggs." "Oh!" "It's a shame though." "Jack was a very talented shooter." "Yeah, they told me you'd say that." "But, then again, I'm not too bad myself." "Excuse me." "Oh, hello." "Is this the taxi queue?" "I must get to Nanking Lotus Petrochemicals." "The taxi queue..." "Yes, yes, sit down." "Thank you." "Shuffle up, Rory." "Thank you." "Jane Thomason, BBC." "Ah, yes." "Would it be possible to ask you a few questions?" "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "Oh, come on, let's get this moving." "MARGARET:" "David..." "Hey, you." "MARGARET:" "I don't think that's a good idea." "Hello, matey." "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "Right." "I'm in a hurry to get back to my hotel because my publisher in London is faxing me the cover of my latest novel for me to okay." "Now, I don't expect you to understand how important that is, so obviously I'm going to bribe you." "But, to be honest, this barricade wouldn't pass muster in a school production of Les Mis." "So I'm only prepared to offer you the BBC key ring, or the BBC pen, but not both." "Are you sure you don't want to get arrested?" "Key ring or pen?" "Pen or key ring?" "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "Key ring..." "Well, why not." "And there we go." "Oh, these are lovely." "Hey, especially this one." "Look at his little face." "What's his name?" "It's not a pet, Harry, it's a goat." "We do not give our animals names." "They are not our friends, they are our livelihoods or our dinner." "For someone who is telling the world about what is happening here, you seem to know very little about us." "Father, don't speak like that." "Harry does understand." "He listens and he tells the truth about the war, about the oil." "If there is oil, the people will not benefit." "Only the politicians and the smugglers and the criminals." "Cursed is the country with resources to exploit in Africa." "Nations that are endowed with oil are also endowed with very bad governments, not to mention very few tourists." "Hey, I read a guidebook that listed the top 10 tourist destinations in Karibu." "Yeah, they're all in Uganda." "(CHUCKLING)" "Is that a joke?" "Yes." "I preferred the one about the light bulb." "Thank you so much, xièxiè." "Xièxiè, thank you." "Brilliant, get in!" "Top skills, that sounded like a story to me." "Do you think your man will go for it?" "He better." "I mean, David is vain, rude, careless, predatory." "He can make one anecdote about Winnie Mandela last a thousand years, but he's by no means the worst." "He doesn't deserve the sofa." "(HOWLING)" "Hello, lovelies." "Can I give you a lift anywhere?" "Um, no." "Oh, I need to have a word with you about all those long-haul flights," "Mr O'Cameraman." "Do you know how much oil costs?" "Hello, Miss Samantha." "Oh, and Mr Wallace." "Time to go, I parked in the short stay." "Jane." "DAVID:" "Then, Rory, we looked at them." "They looked at us." "Then I said to this bloke in perfect Pashto," ""This is not a road, it's a sand dune," ""and that is a camel, not a roadblock."" "RORY:" "Fantastic." "David, we need to talk about the Six tonight." "I put that one in the novel." "So how many novels is that now, David?" "Just the five." "He's got two sets of alimony to pay, you see." "This latest is my Afghanistan one." "Mercenaries, missionaries, soldiers, spies, journalists, cameramen." "They all drink too much and sleep around." "The usual." "I'm calling it "Foreign Affairs"." "You see, it's got a double meaning." "I hope I'm not in it." "I'd better not be." "Am I in it?" "So, Rory, the thing with camels is..." "I'll tell you what you want to do with camels, David." "It works with donkeys, horses, rhinos." "Anything you can't shift out of your way." "I always carry some of this." "Ginger?" "What are you going to do, knock up a chow mein?" "No, just whittle a bit into a plug, get round behind your stubborn animal, and with one quick movement, you shove it right up its arse." "Then you've got about five seconds to get clear before it takes off..." "Like Richard Hammond up a drag strip." "You've never done that." "Yes, I have, mate." "Stranded an Afghan warlord in the Tora Bora one night with half a dozen of these." "He found his horses two days later." "They were standing in the fastest flowing river they could find, trying to walk upstream backwards." "That was you?" "I heard about that!" "Aye." "Excellent." "Oh, those poor, poor horses." "So, what's the biggest beast you've gingered up the jacksie, then, Rory?" "(EX CLAIMS) Michael Buerk, I reckon." "Man, that guy is difficult to wake up." "Kubwasana is weak." "He craves approval and he craves wealth." "If there is oil, he will give it away." "Not to the Americans, of course." "That would not look good." "The white man has taken enough out this country already." "Yes, sir." "Absolutely." "The history of this country..." "Well, the history of this continent, is of the white man coming here and taking what he wants not even what he needs, but what he wants." "And for white men to come here and take your oil, too." "No." "No, that's indefensible." "Well, yes, it is." "Yeah." "We should go now." "Oh, okay." "Oh, just one thing." "The car's run out of diesel," "I don't suppose you've got a half can, just to get us home." "What?" "What?" "MARGARET:" "Where's Tom Tom?" "JOYFUL:" "He requires recharging." "DAVID:" "Good." "And here we are again." "RORY:" "Oh, welcome to Africa." "MARGARET:" "Oh, look, David, it's your friend." "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "Oh, hello." "You again." "Well, it's your lucky day, I'm feeling generous." "Twenty cigarettes and a BBC diary." "Now, push off." "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "Ah, sorry, old chap." "No deal." "Camera." "Don't worry, mate, it's turned off." "No pictures!" "Camera, now." "Oh, don't be so ridiculous." "Normally, I'd be perfectly happy to be hauled off to the cells for a rubber gloving and a ticking off, but today just isn't a good day for it!" "David, please shut up." "Get out!" "Thank you very much, David." "JANE:" "David, don't provoke him." "Papers!" "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "Handsome devil, isn't he?" "DAVID:" "Hey!" "Wait." "Now, that's my visa." "MARGARET:" "Oh, disgusting." "Camera." "But, I have special papers for this camera." "Yeah." "Look at all the stamps." "Typhoid, hepatitis A, hepatitis B, polio, rabies." "This camera can go anywhere, it's fully protected." "This camera is completely immune." "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "Sign this." "What?" "Sign it quickly, just a scribble." "It's for the captain." "This happens all too often, I'm afraid." "Now we can go." "Thank you." "Everybody, up the reds." "Up the reds." "MARGARET: (CHUCKLING) Yes." "JANE:" "Well done, Rory." "Well done, Joyful." "What did you tell him?" "I told the gentleman that Mr Bradburn... (SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "What's he saying, Joyful?" "He says that Mr Bradburn is a donkey and that if he ever sees Mr Bradburn again he will forcibly remove his head and urinate down his redundant windpipe." "The usual braggadocio!" "JOYFUL:" "Yes and skill." "I've seen him hit a severed neck stump from three feet away and in a crosswind, too." "Sorry, Grace." "I was just admiring him." "He's a lovely goat." "I didn't want your dad to give him to me." "You should have known that in my culture an excess of praise means a visitor must be given the object of his admiration." "That is how we ended up in bed together in the first place." "I was only trying to be polite." "Hey, what shall we call him?" "You're not going to give him a name?" "Yeah, of course, I am." "He should have a traditional African name." "Mbolo, something like that." "Mbuzi?" "Yeah, I like it." "What does Mbuzi mean?" "Goat." "(BLEATING)" "Thank you, Dr Xian." "Thank you, xièxiè, xièxiè." "Then I explained that at family get-togethers at Beckingham Palace, big David always enjoys a kick-around and a sunbed session with little David, Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz." "Mr Bradburn's autograph is now his most prized possession." "That was brilliant, Joyful." "And they believed you?" "Football is the only language these people understand." "Football and money, so you owe me $60." "Remind me." "Shall we tell him?" "Best not." "DAVID:" "What's going on?" "Ah, here he is." "Uncle David." "Tyre pressure all right, is it?" "Well, I wouldn't need to go against a tree if we were back at the hotel." "Did you give it a good shake?" "God, I used to have a prostate like Malcolm X's fist." "I could last for 24 hours straight without a drop." "Now, two hours max and I go off like the Trevi Fountain." "Let's hope that policeman you bribed doesn't need a wazz any time soon, eh, David?" "What?" "(HISSING)" "(IMITATING LIQUID DESCENDING)" "Jane, can we please go back to the hotel now?" "Yes, we can, David." "Very soon." "(CHATTERING)" "Hello, gents." "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "A little something for the family." "Thanks, you are a cherub." "(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)" "No." "That's not David Beckham's uncle." "That's David Bradburn from the BBC." "He's more of a rugger man, I think." "Joyful told you that?" "Oh, well, it must be true." "You should have got his autograph, silly." "Oh, well done." "David Beckham's uncle, you should chase after him." "I'm sure he'll do one for you." "DAVID:" "Jane, I don't know why we're here." "London knows we aren't filing for the Six tonight." "I said I'd have something for tomorrow." "And I absolutely have to see those proofs." "Right, come on, Joyful." "No, no, not before you do this." "Looking great, David." "Joyful, come on, hotel." "David, trust me on this." "I have news for you." "Look at this list of names." ""Sam's Little Pickers Sponsored Litter Pick"?" "Down a bit." "They all work for Nanking Lotus Petrochemicals." "No wonder the Americans have lost interest." "All the oil concessions have gone." "The Chinese have already bought them all up." "So?" "So..." "I've been talking to the local engineers." "A year from now they could be pulling three million barrels a day out of here." "This whole valley will be covered in derricks and drills and shantytowns and Chinese takeaways." "DAVID:" "Oh, really?" "It's the biggest field for 5,000 miles." "I could start wide and come to you in-vision, David." "So, Jane Thomason has an exclusive, has she?" "It's an actual story, David, which I have researched." "Because like you, and like Margaret, and unlike Harry, I am a journalist." "Well..." "And may I just say I didn't become a journalist so I could travel round the world making sure none of your girlfriends ever meet each other, or so I could look forward to hearing that "chuff-chuffing" noise" "you make during sex that seems to penetrate even the thickest wall." "I became a journalist so I could find stuff out and tell people about it." "So I've found something out, and I want you to tell people, via the Six O'Clock News in eleven minutes' time, okay?" "Joyful!" "JANE:" "No?" "Okay, right, plus you've got a book coming out." "The more your public see you valiantly reporting from some foreign country they never want to go to, the more of your books they'll buy." "Plus, if London don't get something genuinely interesting from us soon, they're going to call you back." "There's a cushion with your name on it on the Breakfast sofa, David." "Oh, no, not the sofa." "Oh, yes, I didn't wanna have to tell you." "(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)" "This will be London." "What shall I tell them?" "This valley hides thousands of millions of barrels of oil." "The survey teams of a major international oil company are sure of it." "And that means that in a year's time this landscape, unchanged for billions of years, will be covered in derricks and drills and shantytowns." "So, who is likely to benefit from this oil?" "What we're seeing here is a pattern repeated all over Africa." "The new economic force coming not from Europe or America but the Far East." "These are the Asian tigers in your tank, the Chinese petrochemical companies that have been steadily buying up exploitation rights all over Africa." "But, to sum up, the struggle for the future of this country has taken on another dimension today if what we have discovered is true." "Back to you, Fiona." "Oh, well, David Bradburn, there." "Joyful!" "Start the car!" "Start the car!" "It's him!" "The neck-pisser!" "For God's sake!" "He's coming!" "On my way." "(WHIMPERING)" "DAVID:" "The great thing about working with such a fantastic team, Rory, is that absolutely everyone contributes." "Hope you can take the pace." "Not sure I can." "Fax." "Oh, look." "It's the cover of David's book." "Give it here." "They need a new fax machine." "It's very grainy." "It sounds like a brilliant read, though, David." "Richard Madeley describes you as "really wearing"." ""Searing", the quote is "searing"." "And Kate Adie simply says, "Virtually impotent"." "Is that so?" ""Vitally important"!" "Give that to me!" "(GOAT BLEATING)" "A new day, but the atmosphere is still tense here in Karibu, as David agrees to declare the Sons Without Guns Summer Fete open, but won't stay to pick the tombola." "Then there's good news, as David's exclusive on the Chinese takeaway of this country's oil is the hot topic at the UN." "And after high-level discussions between me and my girlfriend's father, described as "frank" by both sides, the next level of talks are not likely to be for some time yet and that's probably no bad thing." "Because, he's terrifying." "This is Harry Chambers, at the Sons Without Guns Summer Fete," "Central Karibu." "Goat?" "(UPBEAT SONG IN LOCAL LANGUAGE PLAYING)" "Asante sana." "(EXCLAIMING)" "It's horrible." "(EXCLAIMING)" "Go on, do it again, do it again." "Oh, that's a nice one." "There we are." "How's that?"