" Hi, Dad." " Hi honeys." "Sorry I wasn't there this morning to make pancakes for you, but you never know when Mr. Stork is gonna pay a visit." "Dad, you realize we know where babies come from, right?" "Do you realize where they come out?" " Trust me." "Not pretty." " (Both) Dad!" "All right, look, it's the first day of school, so remember the most important thing:" " Don't get pregnant!" " (Both) Dad!" "Dad!" "I'm just saying." "Boys want to put a baby in you." "Are we clear, Bianca?" "Well, they'd have to do it in vitro, since I can't date until Kat does." "Then we're clear on the rules." "I only make them because you girls mean so much to me." "Your mother predicted what smart, beautiful, young women you'd grow into, and how right she was." "She'd want you to know that." " (Both) Thanks, dad." "She'd also want you to know that syphillis, gonorrhea and genital herpes are on the rise..." " ...among American teenagers." " (Both) Bye, Dad!" "Wow." "Push." "We're heading to high school, not the Academy Awards." "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." "Please, we're talking about teenagers." "They're impressed by shiny objects." "Thus, my earrings." " You could just try being yourself." " Spoken like a true unpopular person." " Mmm..." " That never works." "Using exhaustive Facebook research, I've identified the most popular girl at school." "I've then deconstructed her profile and used that data... to carefully plot out our first encounter..." " ...so as to easily befriend and beguile her." " Beguile?" "Big word, Shakespeare." "Ooh, pull over here." "I want to make an entrance." "Your door is stuck." "Your Highness." " How do I look?" " Shallow." "Thank you!" "Hey!" "You're the one speeding in a school zone." "Do you mind?" " This is my spot." " I was told spots aren't assigned." "Oh, no, no." "They are assigned." "By Charles Darwin." "So, why don't you and your dinosaur head to the back with the rest of the extinct species." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my..." "Oh, my God." "My car!" " Oh, my God." "Oh, God." " My dinosaur wanted to jurassic park here." "10 Things I Hate About You S01E01 Pilot" "Subtitles and synchronization:" "B. B. Parker" "Hey, sophomore" " What are you wearing?" " It's the new look for the new Michael." "Goodbye, Mikey." "Hello, Michael." "Emo, hipster musician." " You played piccolo in the marching band." " High school is how you spin it." "Even the biggest dorks can be cool." "As long as they play their cards right." " Look at Shia LaBeouf." " I don't care about cool." "I just want a girlfriend." "And every girl here remembers that tornado drill in fourth grade when I wet my pants." "Can I press pause on this Lifetime TV movie?" "This is our year, man." "Change is in the air." "I can feel it." "Hey, Mikey." "What are you doing out of your locker?" "Oh, hey, Big-A." "Back here on the senior year, I see." "Hear the new Fallout Boy yet?" "It slays." "It's really good, man." "You should check it out, they're a great band." "Oh, wow." " My locker hates me." " I could help you." "17, 13, 11." "Great combo, you'll never forget this." " Descending prime numbers." " Yay, math." " So, you're new here?" " Yep, my family just moved here from Ohio." "Well, if you need any directions, class advice or, or CPR, I am certified." " My name's Cameron." " Bianca." "Thanks a lot." "Love you." "This is a very serious matter." "Girls, tell me what happenned." "What happenned is this girl, mauled my Mini Cooper." "No, I asserted my right to park." "Those spaces are communal proper..." " Chastity, are you okay?" " Does, does anything hurt?" " My neck is a little bit sore." "Well, that's probably from flipping your hair too much." "You should go see the nurse right now." "After all, we can't risk our head cheerleader having an injury just days before the first pep rally." "Go, Penguins!" "So, get out of here." " And have a wonderful first day." " Bye, bye." "What you did was dangerous." " Very, very, very dangerous." " I was going two miles an hour." "Not exactly The Fast And The Furious." "Listen, Carol..." "Karen..." "Katherine." "I can tell from your transcripts you're gonna be a very effective activist someday." "I'm sure you'll really stick it to the man." "But here at Padua High, the man is Chastity." "The daughter of the School Board superintendent." "This is a public school, where every student deserves to be treated with dignity and respect." "No." "That's private school." "Here we keep Chastity happy, so that we keep our funding." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to kiss some ass." "Mr. Verona, what a surprise!" "Come in." "Without the sharp object." "Personal space." "Ever heard of it?" "What's she doing now?" "Other than looking beautiful, of course." "She's taking off her shirt." "Man, I figure they're a B-cup, tops." "It's like she's about to reach into the Sorting Hat at Hogwarts." "Well, then get over there Harry Pooper and pull out your wand." "Ok, ok." " Hmm..." "So, what do I say first?" "Oh, careful." "Go slow, all right?" " Ooh, sorry." " So brave." "Ooh, watch out." "I wouldn't want you to fall in those..." " ...fierce shoes." "Marc Jacobs?" " Betsey Johnson." "Besides, as my grandma used to say:" ""I can't be caught dead without my mascara"." " My grandma used to say that." " No way." "And my dream car is a metallic blue convertible Mini Cooper." "I'm Chastity." " Bianca." " Walk with me and tell me your life story." " Well, we just moved here from Ohio..." " Wow, great story!" "You should try for cheerleading." "Ok." " Too late." "Voldemort's got her." " Hey, not so fast." "All we need is a plan." " Hey." "Hey, your mom is at Wine Club tonight." " It's scary you know that." "She gets a little flirty after..." "But, tonight, when they're gone, we're gonna throw a party." "The last party we went to was a Bar Mitzvah." "Yours." "If we throw the first rage of the year we will be legends." "And Bianca will be able to talk to you in public." " My mom will be home at midnight." " We call the cops at eleven they, they break up the party and make it even more epic." "Oh, come on." "Picture  greeting Bianca as she walks into this raging party at your house." " At my house." " Yeah." "Well, we're not exactly Clooney and Pitt." "How do we get people to come?" " Trust me." " I do." "Don't worry, I won't bust you." "Just had to get out of the lunch room." "Apparently, it's no longer socially acceptable that you eat with your mouth closed." "What's your name?" "When you're a big time artist, I want to be able to say I knew you back in high school." "Provided you're not in jail for vandalism." "Mandella." "Kat." "Mandella, who is Captain Intensity over there?" "Patrick Verona." "People say he knows the taste of human flesh." "Ugh, please." "He's trying to act mysterious so he can get laid." "Watch." "Maybe we should stand somewhere else, somewhere out of state." "There." "Do you work in any other mediums?" " Favorite dog?" " Labradoodle." " Efron or Timberlake?" " No contest." "Timberlake." " Project Runway?" " Love it." "Want Tim Gunn to officiate my wedding." "Well, we are so alike, it's scary." "Hold this." "Bianca this is Joey Donner, my boyfriend." "And Padua's starting quarterback." "Oh, babe." "I told you I don't know if I'm gonna be starting this Friday." "Well, let's hope so, because I don't date second..." "I'll see you at tryouts." "I really hope that you don't suck." "Bye." "She's a sprit fire, huh?" "I can see why you love her." "Yep." "She's the best." " So I'm late for Chemistry." " Well, I'm late for Chemistry." "After you." " Tabitha, go!" " I'm Tabitha Cook, Student Council Secretary." "A new school year is upon us." "And you can just feel the excitement in the air." "In order to get everyone excited, we'll be holding..." "Attention, Padua High School students." "Is the end of summer bringing out your dark side?" "Well, nothing cures the back to school blues better than a kick-ass intergalactic party." "Right, Chewie?" "If you like to party, and you want to do it tonight text 555-0127 to" "Luke, I am your father." "Hurry!" "If we get caught in here, I'll get kicked out of the A/V club." " You're one of two members." "It's highly unlikely." " You think it worked?" " Oh, yeah." "It worked." "Nice wookie, by the way." " Thanks." "Megan!" "Enough." "You all did really great at try-outs today so give yourselves a round of applause." "The reason that we called today try-outs is because not everyone can make it." "If everyone could make it,..." " ...well, they instead would be called sign-ups." " Yeah." "And that means that some..." "No, let's be honest." "Most of you won't make the squad." "Those of you who don't may beat yourselves up about it." "Heck, some of you may regret it for the rest of your lives." "You'll think back on, tomorrow, when I post the list, as the moment when it all went wrong." "Ooh, so, good luck." "Great speech." "Very inspiring" "Yeah, but no one cried." "Oh, sorry." " I'm expelling their loser energy." " Ohh." "After all, you and I, are winners." "There's Road Rage girl again." "Of the ten things I hated about today, she is number one number five, and number eight." "Christ, will they allow anyone into public school." "Yep." "You're right." "Dad's going to kill us if we're not home for dinner." "Quit the charades and get in the car." "See you tomorrow." "By the way, you look amazing in this light." "Amazing!" " She hates you." " Ah, I'm touched." "You've ruined my chances at being popular." "I'm sorry, but that girl sucks." "She's a teenage Kim Jong-il." "Speak English, you show-off." "Kim Jong-il, the dictator of North Korea." "Dad!" "North Korea?" "So, what?" "I'm talking about our high school where I'm going to become unpopular" "My life is unworth living." "Yes." "It's way worse than having bound feet or wearing a burka." " English!" " Enough!" "Bianca, honey, look." "I know you're upset, but Kat's right." "Sometimes you get a little obsessed with popularity, so keep things in perspective, that's all." " May I be excused?" " Already?" "That's like a record." "I don't need to carbo load." "I'm not running a marathon tomorrow." " Thank you, dad." " For what?" "For agreeing with me that popularty is a shallow, superficial thing to pursue." "I don't agree with you." "What?" "What's wrong with being popular?" "I loved it." "I loved being captain of the football team,... president of the Student Council." "Any girl I wanted." "Dad, that was uncle Jimmy." "So, what?" "Look, the problem is, it's the popular girls and the popular boys, when they have S-E-X." "Could you get the parmesan, please?" "How much longer do I have to use this thing in the house?" "Until you learn that a car is not a toy." "Today's actions could have been much worse." "Told you." "It wasn't an accident." "Dad!" "Oww, you bit me." "That's the first thing you learn in my Victims No More class." "Where are your car keys?" "I have to go to that party and tell Chastity that you're adopted." "You are not taking the car." "You haven't even had Driver's Ed." "It's a big go-kart, how hard can it be?" "Fine." " You drive me." " Ha!" "No way, Miss Daisy." "I'll tell dad you're not a virgin." "You have one hour." "See, I didn't realize the person who throws the party is also supposed to supply the alcohol." "But I have a surprise!" "Keg's here." "Courtesy of me." "Mike Bernstein, sophomore, musician and legend." "Enjoy, everybody." "How did you get a keg?" " It's non-alcoholic beer." " Oh, my God." "They're going to know." "By the time they figure out they're not drunk the cops will have busted up the party." " Yeah?" " She's here." " Welcome to my home." " Thanks, Cameron." " It's nice." " I can't take credit." "I have an gay uncle who dabbles at decorating." "This theme was Suburban Rainforest." "How fascinating." "Listen, do you know if Chastity is here?" "I don't." "But I could help you look." "Ok." "Enough." "All right, Hannibal Lecter." "Let's cut to the chase." "You want some of this?" "No?" "Now, how about some of this?" "What do you want?" "What do you mean?" "I mean:" "Do you want to deal me drugs?" "Or, steal my car?" "Or, harvest my organs?" "Why are people scared of you?" "Why are people scared of you?" " People are not scared of me." " Sure they are." "That's why I find you interesting." "Tell me more about liking Ohio." "Well, they have a good outlet mall." "Oh, fascinating." "What stores?" "Hey, wow." "A little closet time?" "Is it true?" "I swear I never showed anybody our video." "No!" "Is it true that Tommy is starting in Friday's game?" "Coach said I needed to work on my three-step drop." "Oh, which is what you should have been doing all summer instead of taking those stupid modeling classes." "Maybe this is a sign that modeling is my future." "Oh, Joey..." "I am the youngest head cheerleader in the history of Padua High School." "My future is dating the quarterback." "Not a catalog model." " Look, I could be high fashion." " Ok." "Bianca?" "I thought that you were Chastity." "She thinks it's dumb that I want to be a male model, but check this out." "Wow." "You're really smiling with your eyes." "Modelling is hard work." "I mean, I'm making it look easy." "People think it just happens." "I know how you feel." "You want to be a model too?" " No." " I mean, I think you could." "You, you've got a great bone structure." "Why aren't you chasing after me?" " How dare you?" " It's not what you think." "We have Chemistry together." "The class, not the other thing." "Hey, we match." "Get out." "Hey, how's the party?" "Right, buddy?" "Yeah." "Let's do this." "We're the world's last superpower and yet we don't have universal health care." "Are you talking to me, or the Democrats in your head?" "Dad, have you seen that box of old piano sheet music?" "No, honey." "Why?" "Well, since I'm not going to be popular, I guess I'll join the show choir." "Closeted gay guys are fun." " She doesn't seem like herself." " I know, isn't it great?" "Come on." "Dad, she's obsessed with what other people think." "Mom would not approve." "You know, your mother saw Bianca's ability... to fearlessly dive into any social situation ...to fearlessly dive into any social situation as one of her best traits." " She did?" " She did." "She also loved your respect for others, and your sense of fairness, which is why I find it strange that someone so passionate about universal health care..." "Wow." "You're good." "You're the one who played the dead mom card." "I just served it back." "Oh, my God, I love this part." "Seeing all their crushed, sad, little faces makes me realize how lucky we are." "And we should never forget it." "I'll meet you girls outside." "I'm gonna do a second coat." "Build the suspense." " See ya." " Bye." " I love this part." " I knew it." "Ok." "I don't want to be a part of any lesbian locker room fantasy." " I'm here to talk about my sister." " Oh, what a coincidence!" "I was just about to send her to social Siberia." "Look, Bianca and I are completely different people." " I wanna be somebody, and she wants to be... you." " Big deal." "Every girl on this school wants to be me." "Ooh." "And the guys in show choir." " Put her on the squad." " Mmm.." "Not a chance." " Move it, Elphaba." " Bring it on, skinny bitch." "What are you...?" "What are you doing?" "Stop." "I wasn't ready." "It's morning." "I signed up to be yearbook photo editor." "I'm sure that'll look really good on your community college application." "Which means I'm in charge of all the photos that go in it." "Put her on the squad, or in every page you'll be sporting a double chin, a muffin top or cankles." "Freaky friends forever." " Bianca!" "Hey." " Hey." "Listen, mmm..." "I think I was a little bit hard on you." "After all, you can't help who... or what ...or what your sister is." "And Joey told me about his confusion." "He's confused." "A lot." "And I guess buying the same blouse does show that you have good taste." "I asked a hundred people in Times Square who wore it best." "You won." "I am prepared to give you a second chance." " I'm a cheerleader?" " Ooh, not quite." "But, you can be the mascot." "Percival the Penguin." " The mascot." " Well, you'll be on the squad." "One of us." "Only covered in fur." "Which means you don't have to worry about fixing you hair color." "So, what do you say?" "Poor Percival." "You know he had two kids?" "No, I didn't." "But I do know the inside of his head smells like a field of armpits." "Hey, at least I made the cheerleading squad." "You did." "Oh, yay, happy day." "Now I can focus on passing French." "It's way beyond what I had in Ohio." "I could tutor you." "I mean, if you want." "You would do that?" "See?" "I didn't get any of that." "You're a lifesaver." "See you tomorrow." "Adiós." "I mean, Ciao." "I've gotta learn French." "You guys sgould really be wearing helmets." "Safety first." "Let's go before someone sees me in this piece of crap." "Tough talk from the girl carrying the giant penguin head." "I made the squad." "That's what counts." "It turns out, Chastity is a real sweet, forgiving person." "Nothing like that Long Duck Dong." " Kim Jong-il?" " Whatever." "No more NPR." "It's giving me a menopause." "What was that sound?" " Justice." " Kat!" "You have got to be kidding me!"