"(Birds chirping)" "(Seagulls squawking)" "(Murray):" "When I was a boy, Tickle Head was a proud fishing harbour." "Back then, people from Tickle Head were strong, dignified, brave." "Their days were filled with purpose." "By no means was this life for the faint at heart, for the weak or the lazy." "But as I look back now, I can truly say... life was a thing of beauty." "(Father talking, indistinct)" "My father would labour 14 hours a day till his hands were raw, risking life and limb, fighting the merciless sea," "all to put food on the table, a roof over our heads, warmth in our stove." "(Laughing)" "At day's end, my father glowed with pride because he knew, deep down, he'd earned it." "He earned every precious, beautiful moment life gave back to him." "'Cause he knew his hard work made him worthy, worthy of the cod on his plate, the smell of the salt on his skin," "worthy of the stars in the sky." "(Woman):" "Oh, Ernest!" " Alice!" "(People moaning)" " The whole harbour was worthy of every consequence of happiness." "There were even some who believed they were more worthy than others." "(Loud moaning and panting)" "(People sighing)" "True happiness." "Meow!" "Meow!" "Meow!" "(Cat meows)" "(Grunts)" "(Purring)" " Murray, stop buggin' the cat." "(Duck quacking)" "(Seagulls squawking)" "(All talking) (Dog barking)" "(Man):" "Mornin', Anne." " Hey, how's it going?" "(Man):" "Ah!" " Mornin', Sammy." " Thanks." " Mornin', Seez." "Heya, Frankie." "There you are, my love." " Thanks, Kath." " Mornin', Murray." " Thank you, and Mr. Pelley asked me to pick up his welfare cheque." " There you go." " Thank you." " Have a good one." " Catch you later." " Mornin', Joe." " Thank you." "Wonderful." "There you go." "Have a nice day, and don't forget the town meeting, okay?" " Thanks, Henry." " Next." " This is my cheque, and this is Mr. Pelley's cheque." " Murray, now, we've been through this." "I've explained this to you..." " We go through this every month." " I could lose my job." " You will not lose your job." "You have seen Mr. Pelley's power of attorney." " It's fraudulent!" " This is totally legal." " This is illegal!" "(Man clears throat)" " Thanks." " And don't forget the town meeting, okay?" "Next." "(Men talking)" "(Liquid pouring)" " Hey." "(Murray sighing)" "My brother called." " Oh yeah?" "How's he doing?" " Good." "There's a job available in St. John's." "Of course!" "You prefer to stay here." "(Murray sighing)" " This is our home." " You prefer to stay here and live like thieves, Murray." " Thieves?" " You steal from the cable company!" "You rigged up our electrical box!" " That wasn't on purpose." " You sell the salmon you catch in your herring nets and you're still cashing that second illegal welfare cheque every month." " Illegal?" "This is a power of attorney." "It is written in black and white." "It is my duty and moral obligation to pick up and to deposit Mr. Pelley's welfare cheque." "It is Mr. Pelley himself who wrote this particular power of attorney." "Mr. Pelley has given me a mission." " Mr. Pelley's dead." " Not in the government registry." "(Woman sighing)" "Until Mr. Pelley is dead everywhere, I have a moral duty." " Murray, why does this always have to be your decision?" " 'Cause I'd be the one who'd be workin'!" " This job is for me, Murray." "I'd be the one who'd be workin'." "(Bell tolling)" "Murray..." " It's the town meeting." " Murray..." "What am I gonna tell my brother?" "Murray!" "(Bell tolling)" "(Bell tolling)" "(Sighing)" " Where is everyone?" " Stuck in traffic." "(Bell tolling)" " Murray?" " Murray?" "This is quite the surprise." " Shag off." " All right." "Now, the company is still considering our proposal for the factory." "So I offered them a full tax exemption to sweeten the deal." " Uh... tax exemption?" "Why would you give them a full tax exemption?" "I mean, 2% less than Port Anne would've enticed them." " Enticed them?" "Enticed them?" "Henry, I didn't want to entice them, I wanted to blind them!" "I wanted to blind them so they wouldn't notice the gaping holes in our bid." " Yeah but a full tax exemption?" " But that's not the problem anyway, 'cause..." " But for how many years?" " Forever, Henry, forever." "'Cause the real problem is..." " But I..." " Forever!" "I offered them full tax exemption forever and I threw in your daughter's virginity." " What the hell are you talkin' about?" " Oh, Henry, Tom is pulling your leg." "Everyone knows Lucy gave that away long ago." " Look, the tax exemption and his daughter's virginity are irrelevant." " Why?" " The company insurance requires that the town have a resident doctor." "No doctor, no factory." " So why don't..." "Let's just get a doctor." " We've been looking for eight friggin' years, Murray!" " Well, let's stop lookin' and start finding'!" "You're our mayor, right?" "You're "the" guy." "I know you can do this!" "You said you would and you will!" "(Accordion music)" " What would Barb be doin' in town?" " She won't be going to town." " Well, if she goes, though." "If she goes, where will it leave you?" " What do you mean?" " Well, she'll be working." "Where will that leave you?" "What will be your role?" "You'll become the new little missus, I guess." "I guess you'll be shopping and doing the cooking, laundry and the gossiping." "They... they sometimes like to do arts and crafts together." "They do yoga sessions." "Oh my God, you'll love yoga, boy." "Great for the posture." "She'll be the new boss, in a sexual perspective now." "Who'll be doing the driving?" " She won't be goin' to town." "(Accordion music ends, applause)" "(Man):" "Come on, now!" "Another tune!" "♪ Farewell darling ♪" "♪ And don't you grieve for me... ♪" "(Men shouting)" " Murray!" "(Clapping rhythmically)" "(Fiddle)" "(Man whooping)" "(Falls)" "(Coughs)" "(Breathing heavily)" "(Voices whispering, indistinct)" "(Grunting)" " Lizzy, grab the box." " With all that stuff?" " Yes, grab the bottom." " Okay." "(Murray clearing throat)" " Oh, thank you, darlin'." " Murray!" " What's goin' on?" " Holidays." " Holiday?" "With your furniture?" " I got a job in town." "You knows what it's like, Murray." "And young Lizzie there desperately needs braces." "You can't do it here so..." "She's got horrible teeth." "She's got her mother's teeth." " Thank you, Tom." " Honey, you know what I mean." " Of course, I'm ugly." " Sheryl!" " At least she doesn't have your ears." " Don't start with my ears!" " What about the factory, Mr. Mayor?" "Enjoy your holiday, buddy." "You leavin' me?" " I'm not leavin' you, Murray." "I'm goin' to work." " We're this close to gettin' a doctor." " I don't like what we've become, Murray." " These are tough times." " It's not the times." "It's us." "I don't recognize us." "(Sighing)" "(Door closing)" "(Sighing)" "(Seagulls squawking)" "(Man):" "Barb!" " This is it, Simon." "This is it." "I'm leavin'." "Will you come visit me in town?" " Nope." " Simon." " I'm afraid of flying'." " Yeah, well, drive down." " I don't drive." " I'm serious." "I'm gonna need you to come visit me from time to time." " I won't." " Take the bus." " I do not know how to take the bus." " Well, then how do you go to town?" " I've never been to town." " Never?" " No." " You've never been to town?" " Nope!" "(Chuckles)" " Lucky dog." "Lucky dog." "(Woman):" "Welcome to St. John's International Airport." "For passengers making a connecting flight..." " No, no..." "Okay, no, I'm not still drunk." "No, I'm not." "Babe, honestly, I don't know what else to say." "I said I'm sorry." "I'll say it again, I'm sorry." "I unfortunately missed my flight." "I just paid an astronomical amount of money to get on the next, which I will." "I have 35 minutes to make my connection." " Bye, Paul." " Hey, boss." " Hey." " Hold on one sec." " Can I get you to go this way, please?" " What?" " Just over this way." " No, no, no, sir." " This way, sir." " I got a connection." " Just over here, sir." " Right." "That's awesome." "This is good." "(Sighing)" " Shorts." "That's a shirt." "Those are, uh, cricket balls." " Cricket?" " Yeah, I play cricket." "Just won a tournament." "Hence the trophy and the hangover, sir." "I'm kind of in a rush, you know?" "I got a flight to catch..." " Sir, please." " Sir, I'm a doctor, okay?" "I'm due for surgery, and while you're itemizing my toiletries, there's a young child named Jimmy that's pondering his future as an amputee." "He might lose his leg, sir." "Jimmy might lose his leg, and I need to leave immediately for Jimmy's sake." "Right now, sir." "Now, now!" "Right..." "Okay..." "Okay, that's cocaine." "That's cocaine." "Okay?" "And I just finished my residency as a plastic surgeon, and I am damn good and I can fix anything you want for free." "Free of charge, pro bono." "Maybe on your wife perhaps?" "Maybe she needs a fresh bosom, maybe a tuck to her rear, make it sing again." "I can work miracles, sir." "Maybe I could fix..." "I could fix your ears." " Don't start with my ears." "So you're a doctor." " Yes, sir." "(Bell tolling)" " Where is everyone?" " It's that bloody traffic again." "(Sighing)" "(Bell clanging)" "Sweet Jesus!" "(Murray):" "Hear ye, hear ye!" "(Bell clanging)" "(Dog barking)" "Hear ye, hear ye!" "(Ringing)" "Hear ye, goddammit, hear ye!" "Okay, I'm gonna tell you one thing and it's not another!" "If you hear the church bell ringin' and it ain't the Sunday mornin', it's because of the town meetin'." "And if there's a town meetin', it's because the town bloody well needs a town meetin'!" "It's your civic duty to be there!" "Okay." "First order of business." "Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that a doctor is comin' to Tickle Head for one month." "We have exactly one month to convince our good doctor to sign long term." "Because we have just heard that if the doctor chooses to stay here in Tickle Head, we gets the factory!" "Eh?" "We get a doctor, the factory is a done deal." " Ah!" " Right?" "Done deal!" " What is this factory?" " Herbert, we have been through this 100 times." "It is a petrochemical by-product repurposing facility." " What does the factory make?" " It's very simple, Herbert." "They take petrochemical waste from the oil rigs and such and, uh..." "I don't know." "They make jobs." "They make full-time jobs for everyone." "Who wants to earn a paycheque?" "Who wants to shove the welfare cheque right up the government's arse?" "Who wants to work again?" "Well, raise your hands." "Raise your hands!" "There you go!" "Yes!" "Raise your hands, yes!" "Yes!" "Okay." "Now, we have one month to make our man here, Dr. Paul Lewis, believe." "One month to make him believe like a child, believe that Tickle Head is the finest place on Earth to call home." "(Applause, cheering)" "One month." "There's a whole lot of stuff on the beach." "We can actually..." "There's a whole lot of stuff on the beach." "We can actually..." "We need a big, big cleanup." "We do need a big cleanup." " We do." "We gotta get some young fellas out there." " Murray, it's not a done deal." " And then the whole beautification process, you know, you were saying, like, maybe paint her up a little bit and..." "But it has to be more than that, you know?" "The whole harbour has to be tailor-made for him." " So we must have a cocaine-friendly village." " Murray, it's not a done deal." "It's nowhere near being a done deal." " I didn't say "done deal"." " Yeah, you said "done deal"!" " Well, I need people to believe in this." " Yeah, but it's a lie." " Well, right now, lies is all we got." " It's gotta be love at first sight." " That's right." "Every detail is important." "For example, Mr. Mayor said the doctor loves cricket." " Cricket, cricket?" " Yeah." " That's disgusting." "I mean, sushi is bad enough." " No, cricket!" "The sport!" "Cricket!" " The sport, for God's sake!" "The sport!" " They, like, race 'em?" " No, it's with a ball and the flat bat." "Have you never seen it?" " No!" " It's a game." " They must be some small bats, what!" "Crickets!" " Listen." "Yeah, listen." " What else we got?" " There's a whole slew of houses down there that need some work..." " You know what would seduce him?" "You know what would seduce him?" "Findin' money." " What?" " Findin' money." "Nothing makes me happier." "It's satisfying." "I mean, you're walkin' along and then, bam, there's 5 bucks just lying there, you know?" "You feel lucky." " We have one chance at this." "Let's not mess it up." " You said small details!" " Henry, don't... mess... this... up." "Well... one of the first houses he'll see." " I know." " It does not give a good first impression, boy." "Bloody painful." " Turn it!" "Turn it!" "Hold it!" " That's it, that's it!" " Right." "So, here's the cricket uniform." "There's the cricket field..." "The rules..." "I could print it for ya." " Yeah." "Mm-hmm!" " Yeah." "Is there, uh, anything else?" "(Mumbling)" " Can you show us some photos of naughty nurses?" " Sure." "(Typing)" "I got 'em." " Great." "All right, okay." "Now, it is your civic duty to study these rules." "We must all become cricket aficionados." "Put them out there." "Here we go." "It's kind of like baseball but it's only got two bases and no one wears gloves." " One guy wears a glove!" " One guy wears a glove." "Now the cricket pitch is a circle with a rectangle in the middle." "You can do that, right?" "You got lime?" " Sure, I got bags." " All right, let's get to it." " Oof!" "We're gonna need a whole lot of whites." " Where are we going to get all these whites?" "Hmm..." "(Grunts)" " One, two, three." " These are pink!" " Yeah, we can just bleach 'em." " But these are pink!" " We can just bleach them!" " And so the doctor will be staying in our beautiful home for a month." " What about us?" " Oh, we'll be staying with the Williamses." "(Scoffing)" " Anyone else have any announcements they'd like to make?" "Lucy?" " What?" " Anything anyone would like to share?" "News, updates?" "New milestones achieved?" "Barriers broken?" "(Murray):" "This is it." " What?" " Huh?" " Sweet Jesus." "Do we know how to hook it up?" " No idea." " It's still very pink." " That's not pink." "(Chuckles)" "(Sewing machine whirring)" " It's pink." " Even at night, it's horrendous." "(Loon calling)" " What the hell are you talkin' about?" " Nothing, really." "Just, you know, everybody's pitching' in." " Yeah, you're using my attic!" " Oh, well, we appreciate that, but this would really help, and only you can do it." " Out of the question!" " Just... a little flirt." " Murray, no!" " I'm not talkin' about intercourse." " Intercourse?" " I said I am not talking about intercourse." " I'm not a hooker, Murray." " I know you're not a hooker!" "You're a beautiful, young woman." "All I'm asking is if it's possible to adopt a flirtatious attitude towards the doctor." " No!" "He's happily engaged." " Yeah, exactly!" " So what would be the point of me flirting' with him?" " Well, just his manhood, you know, just let him feel desired and feel alive, make Tickle Head a great place to be a man!" " And that's what you want?" "That's would make you happy, Murray, watching me come on to a stranger?" " Yes." " No." "The answer's no." "And if you asked me, I'd say no to the factory too." " It's a petrochemical by-product repurposing facility!" " It's the oil company!" " It's recycling!" "That's good, eh?" "That's good, right?" " No!" "That's just something they're doin' for public image, to repay for environmental damage they done!" " So let 'em pay!" " I don't want the oil company here!" " Well, you know, that's very easy for you to say with a job, right?" "Government job with vacation pay." "All I'm asking for is a little flirt!" "Hey, Annette." " You're cracked." "You're cracked!" " I know you're good for it." "A cricket match is divided into periods called innings." "One team fields and the other bats." "The two teams switch between fielding and batting after each inning." "All right, so we switch around." "Now, all 11 members of the fielding team take the field, but only two members of the batting team are on the field at any given time." " You stand side by side or what?" "Opposite ends of the field?" "Come on!" "Does this make sense to any of you guys?" " You wanna do it?" "(Mixed chatter)" " Give me a chance to look at it!" " Joe!" "Joe, we're sorry we took your oars now, all right?" " Give me the..." " Come on, that's enough!" "Now's not the time for questions." "(Grunting)" " All right, go!" "Go!" "That was awful!" " Awful!" "Bloody awful!" " Go!" "Right foot!" "Left foot!" "Right foot!" "That's your left foot, Henry." "(All talking) Go back." "Right foot!" "Left foot!" "Right to the side!" "Follow through!" "There you go." "Back to where you were." " Oh!" "(Laughing)" "(Murray):" "Okay, Henry." "(Groaning)" "Just swing it up!" "(Laughing) He's out!" "(All cheering)" "(Indistinct chatter)" " You gotta run now." " Yeah, you gotta run." " He dropped it." "(Men):" "Run!" " You too, you gotta run." "(Man):" "Don't knock him over." " Keep goin'." "Where's the ball?" " Ta-da!" " Oh, yes!" "Yeah." " And this is for the top." " Yeah, yeah." " He looks the part." "You look good!" "Dapper!" "And I put some extra protection down there for you." " Yes, good." "There." " Why is it pink?" "(Tractor honking) (Men):" "Good luck, Murray!" " Come on!" " I took the wrong one!" " How's he doin'?" " Not good." "(Groaning)" "You okay?" " All good." "It's this fresh air." "I just..." "I'm just used to, like, this dense, dense smog, you know?" "That's why I never left the city." "I get these anxiety attacks when I'm not mugged by a homeless person on a daily basis, you know?" " Yeah." "Yeah, those don't work here." "Land lines only." "Sorry." " Oh, that's... that's great." "(Retching)" " They're coming!" " What?" " They're comin'!" " Everybody up!" "Come on, everybody together!" "Come on now, get in your positions!" "Let's play cricket!" "(Sighs sharply)" "(Groaning)" "(Whistling)" "(Men shouting in distance)" "(Clearing throat)" " Oh, you gotta be kidding me." "What the..." "Is this for real?" " Hmm?" " This!" " Do... do you like cricket?" " Love cricket." "I live for cricket." " Really?" " You play?" " Oh yeah." "Oh, love that." " Really?" " Oh, yeah." "We got the final game of the season here." "(Cheering)" "(Cheering)" " Come on!" "Come on!" "No checking, no checking!" " Our fathers played." "It's a great tradition in our small harbour." " That's definitely a... field setting I've never seen before." " Yeah, I know." "I keep tellin' them, but they don't listen." " Final game, huh?" "Let's go." " Ah..." " Oh, we gotta go!" " Not possible." " A few overs never hurt no one." " Nah, they hate spectators." " No, we have to, Murray." "(Murray chuckling)" "Let's go." "A few overs, for me." " Okay." " Thank you." " He wants to watch the match." " What?" "Well, that's it then." "The arse has gone out of her." " No, no." "Sound the horn." "I'll think of something." "(Horn blaring)" "(Mixed chatter)" " Come on now, get it together, for God's sake!" " They're coming." " What?" " They're coming!" "They're... they're coming!" "They're coming!" " Sweet Christ." " Any idea what happens after we hit the ball?" " No." " Is there a plan B you haven't told us about?" " No plan B." " The doctor might find it peculiar that we're dressed up as cricket players, that we're playing with equipment that looks like cricket equipment, but we have absolutely no idea how to play cricket!" "(Horn blaring)" " Keep playing!" "(Horn blaring)" "It's all right." "It's all right." "Jumpin' Jesus!" " What do we do?" "What do we do?" " I thought you'd all love hockey!" " What do we do?" "What do we do?" " We can't stand hockey." " What do we do?" "What do we do?" "What do we do?" "What do we do?" "Simon!" "What do we do?" " Yay!" " Huh?" " Yay!" "(Cheering)" " Oh, there you go." "Game's over." "Season's over." "Let's get back to the boat." " Both teams won?" " Well, one team won the league, one team won the match." "You know, it's, uh..." "it's basic good sportsmanship." " Oh." "(Laughing)" " Oh!" " Not too close, son." " Sorry." "Ah!" "(Seagulls squawking)" "(Seagulls squawking)" "(Horn blaring)" " Ah, thank you." " Yeah!" "It's a small harbour, but... it's got a big heart." "(Accordion) Come on, they'll deliver the rest." " Yeah." "Thank you." " They'll deliver that up." "That's all right." "Come on." "That's the pride of Tickle Head." "We can't touch her." " Hmm..." "(Accordion)" "(Sighing)" " Here we are." "Door's open." "The stuff will be up in a minute." " All right." "Well, thank you." " Will you be needing any cocaine?" " I'm..." "I'm sorry, what?" " We're down with it." " Yeah, it's... it's not really, uh... okay!" "But thanks." " Enjoy our beautiful harbour." "(Birds chirping)" "(Sighing)" " Oh, whoa!" "(Chuckles)" "(Sighing)" "(Line pulsing)" " I can hear something." "I can definitely hear something." " He's dialling." " He is!" " Turn it up." "Put it on speakers." "(Ringing on speakers)" "(Feedback)" " Ah!" " Jesus!" "Helen?" " Hello?" " Helen!" " Don't touch that knob!" "(Loud ringing and static)" " Henry!" " Okay, okay!" " No, no, no!" " There." " Helen, can you hear me?" " Hello?" " Hey, it's Paul." "Helen..." " Paul!" "Oh, you wouldn't believe the number of upset clients of yours that I had to deal with today." " It works!" " Mrs. Goldwater yelled at me 'cause she won't get her new breasts in time for her daughter's wedding." " Uh, yeah, so have you walked the dog lately?" " Yes." " 'Cause you gotta walk him at least two, three times a day, every day." "I'm talking every day." "You can talk to him too." " No, I'm not gonna talk to him." " He'll get depressed, Helen." "He will." "You gotta talk to him." "He's a good listener." " He's a dog." "I don't talk to dogs." " Oh, and the dog park!" "Don't go back to that one we always go to." "That Yorkie's back." "He gets in his head and he makes him unmanly and he overcompensates for a week or two." "We don't want that." " Do we have to write down all this stuff?" " Yes!" " So how is it, the town you're in?" " The town I'm in..." "Hmm..." "Medical opinion?" "Inbreeding." " I'm not..." "I'm not writin' that down." " And what about the house?" " The house?" "Yeah, it's, uh... (Chuckles) It's hideous." " Hideous?" "Oh!" " Oh, oh, oh!" "Didn't hear that, Henry." "Didn't quite get what the doctor said about your house." "(Pen scraping paper)" " I gotta go." "I'm late." "It's girls' night out." " That reminds me, I talked to Bernie before I left." "Yeah, he's not gay, so he says." " Bernie's gay?" "Bernie's gay!" "...a ploy to get women in the sack." "It works." "It makes them feel special, according to him." " I may have to try that." " Oh, for God's sake!" " Where you going?" " We're going to dinner, at the Taj!" " "Taj"." " Ah!" "The Taj!" "I'd kill for that Lamb Dhansak right now." "You get it spicy or mild?" " He'd kill for what?" " "Lamb dan" something!" " Taj, Taj." "Taj Mahal." "That's, uh, curry." "(All):" "Curry!" " Lamb Dhansak... (Helen): a little white wine... (Birds chirping)" " Hello." " Hi." " I'm Paul, the, uh, new doctor." " Terrific." " Uh, you know where the, uh, restaurant is?" " It's over the hill, down by the pier." "You walked past it." " Right." "Right." "I mean, what kind of moron would get lost in a tiny village like this, huh?" " Pretty big moron, I guess." " Mm-hmm." " It's a harbour, not a village." " Harbour." "Mental noting." "Right." " Good evening." " Hello." " The soup today is carrot." " Hmm!" " And the specials are flat fish, hot turkey sandwich and Lamb Dhansak." "(Chuckles)" " Lamb Dhansak?" " Yes, it's our famous Lamb Dhansak Festival." "(Chuckles)" " I'll take that." " Okay then!" "One Lamb Dhansak." "(Clears throat)" "(Knocking)" " Hi." "So, uh, I've been drinking." " That's exactly what a girl wants to hear when a stranger knocks on her door in the middle of the night." " Well, I asked where you lived." "So, I just..." "I just wanted to apologize." " At ten o'clock?" " What, is there some kind of curfew here for apologies?" "(Groaning)" "(Loon calling)" "(Loon calling)" "(Birds chirping)" "(Grunts)" "(Sighing)" "(Loud jazz music)" " Are you open for business today?" " Yeah." "Just, um..." "I'm just gonna need a minute." " Okay." " Okay." "(Door closing)" "(Children talking in distance)" "Dr. Lewis." " Herbert." " Dr. Lewis." "Come on in." "Dr. Lewis." "Come on in." "Have a seat." "Breathe in and out." "Nice, big, wide, and give me a long "ah"..." " Ah..." " In and out." "(Both):" "Ah..." " There you go." "Ah!" "Any swelling?" " Ooh!" " Okay." "That's pretty good, huh?" "Right?" "That's pretty good." "We're gonna put a bandage on there, and then you will be on your way." "Okay, if you wanna lay down here, head here, please, and we'll take a peek." "Okay, any pain when I push down?" " No." " And when I release?" " No." " All right, Calvert, you mind if I take a peek at that?" " Yeah." " Great." "Who put this on, if I may ask you?" " I put that on myself." " Hmm..." "Okay." " Well, uh, I got what you could call persistent athlete's foot." " Okay." " It's itchy." "Itchy, itchy all the time." " Okay." " And it's moving up!" "It's no longer athlete's foot, it's athlete's leg." "And I'm scared it'll go even higher." " Mm-hmm." " Do you wanna see?" " Sure." "(Shoe hits floor)" "Oh, yeah." "That's, um..." "Mm-hmm." "If the pain's still there, just come back and see me in two weeks." " Uh, Lisa got the plantar warts." "(Boy):" "Don't!" " Keith fell down, scraped up his leg Wednesday," "James, Sherry and Krista all got the ear infection last month, and little Kenny here coughs at night." "I mean I don't know, maybe it's asthma or maybe it's allergies." "And David still wets his bed." " Mom!" " Well, he's a doctor!" "I mean, I tried everything, you know?" "Threats, treats." "Nothing works." "He is a bed wetter!" "(Boy coughing)" "(Child talking, indistinct)" " Anything else?" "(Woman sighing)" " I need to go on the pill." " So, officially, you're not coming this Tuesday?" " You know how it is with work." " Look, I'm not gonna last a full month here without seeing you." " I know." "(Knocking, door opening)" " You know, it's beyond hectic." "Uh, I'll call you right back." " Okay, bye!" " Yep." "Okay, bye." " Hey, pal." " Hey!" " How was your first day?" " Busy!" "Yeah." "Real busy, Murray." "And at this rate, I doubt I'll last a week." "(Bell tolling)" " Are you all completely mad?" "The doctor said he saw 43 patients in one day!" "He said he witnessed things he'd never seen before in his entire medical career." "He said, and I quote," ""I felt like I'd been transported back to medieval times."" "Is this how we seduce our good doctor?" "Who here has a case of creeping athlete's foot?" "Who?" "Frank?" "(Woman):" "Frank?" " Frank, you said to yourself," ""The best way to convince the doctor to live here" ""is to show him that there exists here in Tickle Head" ""some kind of powerful foot fungus"?" " Well, it is very uncomfortable." "(Sighing)" " From now on, I'll take the doctor's appointments." "All right, Annette..." "Who's next?" " Over here... (Indistinct chatter)" " Aw, jeez!" "Frank?" " I know, I know, no more athlete's foot." " No, no, no." "You like music, right?" " Yeah." " Yeah, great, 'cause the doctor loves jazz." " Oh, man, I hate jazz." " Yeah?" "So, I'm busy." " Right." " I gotta be somewhere." " Yeah." " So I'm really counting on you, Frank." "Thanks." " No, no, no..." "I hate jazz!" "I hate jazz!" "Ah!" "(Birds chirping)" "(Birds chirping)" " Good morning." "Come on in." "(Ringing)" " Hello?" " Mr. Anderson?" "This is Murray French, from Tickle Head." " Who?" " Murray French." "The new mayor of Tickle Head." "We're bidding for the repurposing facility you guys are..." " Oh yes, yes, yes!" "Yes, Mr. French." "I remember your town's proposal now." " Well, I'm just calling to tell you that we've got a doctor assigned full-time." " Great news." "I'll make a note of that." "But to be perfectly honest with you, the town of Port Anne has made a dazzling bid." " Well, we can beat anything they offer." "Anything." " Yeah, no, they've been very creative in coming up with an idea..." " Well, now, we can be creative." "Believe me, Trip, we can be creative." " Sir, they've actually included a personal assurance..." " How much is their personal assurance?" " A bribe!" "He wants a bribe?" " That's how these things work!" " Yeah, $100,000?" " It's nothing to what the factory will generate!" " I can't get you that kind of money, all right?" "Here." " It's just a loan!" " Murray, there's no way that my boss is gonna give me that kind of money." " Your boss?" "Why don't you make a decision?" " I'm this close to being replaced with an ATM." " You're already an ATM!" " I told you, we had to do this the proper way." "You could've worn a tie!" "They watch these videos!" "What can I do for you today, gentlemen?" " Henry, you know why we're here!" " A loan?" "I see!" "(Chuckling)" "Names?" " I'm gonna punch you in the throat." " Easy, Simon." "Easy." "Names?" " Same as yesterday." "(Soft guitar music)" "♪ I've come my dear for to take my leave ♪" "♪ I'm going to sail love Do not weep ♪" "♪ Going to sail o'er the Spanish shore ♪" "♪ And I'll leave my fair one ♪" "♪ I'll leave my fair one ♪" "♪ Leave my fair one ♪" "♪ The girl I adore ♪" "♪ No cold no danger need I fear ♪" "♪ I'm going to sail in a privateer ♪" "♪ And if God pleases to spare my life ♪" "♪ When I return love ♪" "♪ When I return love ♪" "♪ When I return love ♪" "♪ I'll make you my wife ♪" "♪ There's one thing more that disturbs my mind ♪" "♪ When you're rambling on the Spanish shore ♪" "♪ Oh you ne'er will think on... ♪" " Barb?" " Murray?" "(Chuckling)" "What are you doing?" "Oh, my God!" " He never liked that spaghetti." "It gave him the vicious heartburn." "He still misses that dog." "It's a spaniel." "Bucket is his name." "Cute name." "Maybe... maybe we should get him a pet or something." " What's that?" " What?" " The page." "(Chuckles)" " Doodles." " Show me." "(Thunder rumbling)" " No." " Come on." " It's private information." "It could hurt him." " Vera, we won't hurt him." "I promise." " He never had a father." " Hmm... (Seagulls squawking)" "Ah, this is great!" " It's really nice." " Fantastic." "(Sighing)" "So, what's happenin' with, uh, Kathleen?" " Postmistress Kathleen?" " Ah, you two are the talk of the harbour." " I mean, that's flattering, Murray, and she is drop-dead gorgeous." "I mean..." "But I can assure you that there is nothing going on with her and I." "I mean nothing." "(Chuckling)" " So what about the cocaine addiction?" " My..." "I..." "It's not a..." "It's... it's under control." " You sure?" "Well, then you should bloody well stop messing about with it." " Absolutely." " It'll ruin your life." "Ruin it!" " It really is..." " Your life." " You're right." " Ruin it!" "Ah, she... she talks about you all the time." " You know, I feel I'm pretty good at picking up signals, but... but from her, it's just..." "I mean, it is distant." "I'm talking..." "I'm talking distant." " Well, you know, since you're engaged, she maybe prefers to keep her distance a little bit, but she is in love." " What?" "Murray, she's in... with me?" " Well, that's what she said." "Something about your smile, or..." " What?" " There you go." "That's the one." " No." "No." " That's it, that's the smile right there." "It drives her wild." " I will catch one, I promise you that, before I leave." " Patience, son." "You'll get the hang of it." "He stinks." "(Clearing throat)" "(Loon calling)" "(Knocking)" " So, I haven't been drinking." " That's a step in the right direction." " Mm-hmm." "Right?" "And I was wondering, do you know of a postmistress that would be interested in sharing some crackers and cheese and a not-so-good bottle of red wine?" " I'll keep an eye out." " Hmm!" "You, sir, are in good health." "What happened there?" " It was the substitute." " The substitute?" " We're not allowed to say." "We're not allowed to say." " Okay." "(Crow cawing)" " Did he ask?" " Yes!" "(Chuckles)" " That a boy!" "Two weeks rolled by and our plan was working perfect." "(Paul):" "You said you were coming in 10 days." "Do you know when you're coming, then?" "Are you coming at all?" "(Ashtray whirring)" "Side to side?" " Paul's heart was being tugged at in all the right places." "All hands were pitching in, doing their part." " Great..." " Our days were once again filled with purpose." " That's a pretty good scar there on your left shoulder." " Uh-huh." " Let me guess, the substitute?" " Uh-huh..." " We'd all come together, working day and night for a common dream." "(Loud jazz music)" " I'm gonna go real loud." " Okay." " Are you ready?" " Uh-huh." " There's the solo." "Now!" "(Saxophone solo)" "Ah!" "So good!" " But in spite of our efforts, the doctor started to feel lonely." " I know we talk every day, but it's not the same." "It's not the same." "You're not here, you're not beside me, and I miss that." "And I miss you." "(Helen):" "Well, tell me, what you would you do if you were here?" "Tell me." " Uh, what would I do?" " Yeah, tell me, what would you do?" "(Gasps)" "Tell me, naughty boy." " Naughty boy?" "(Chuckles)" "Um, well..." "I would start by kissing your neck." " Oh, would you?" " Yeah, I would." "And then I would proceed to caress your arms and your back and those very, very, very long legs." " It's getting very hot in here." " Well, maybe you should undress." " I already am." " Nice." " I need a cigarette." " You quit." " All right, I'm not gonna smoke it, I'll just... suck on it." "(Zipper lowering)" " Tell me, what now, Dr. Lewis?" " I would, uh..." " Tell me." "Tell me." " I would, uh..." " Tell me." " I would, um..." " For the love of God, tell her!" " I'd play with my machine." " Mm..." "And then where are you gonna put it?" " What did he say?" " What will you do with your machine?" " I think he said machine." " Tell me..." " He's going to use his machine." "What the hell is a machine?" " And then..." "I would caress, uh, your feet... with that gassed-up machine." " Why would he do that?" "(Helen moaning)" " Do we write all this down?" " Yes!" "Of course we have to write this down!" "(Paul):" "And then I'd flip it over and clean out the undercarriage." "(Helen moaning)" " I think I should draw some of this." "(Lighter flicking)" " Yeah..." " And then I'd see if it wants to run on its own." "(Seagulls squawking)" " With her feet?" " That's what I heard." " He said he wanted to rub his big machine up against her feet." " His machine?" "What's a machine?" " Like a..." " Ha!" "No!" "(Laughter)" " Yeah, I'd do it once." " With your feet?" " Yep!" " Pfft!" "I'd be worried about fungus." "What?" "It can spread at an alarming' rate." "Here, look, I'll show ya." "It's creepin' up my leg." " Come on!" "(Knocking)" " No, you can't borrow 'em." "I'm sorry." "What?" " Vera." " Murray." " Did you get it?" " Oh, shit!" "There wasn't room in the fridge." " You froze it?" " It's not entirely frozen." " Get a move on!" "(Chuckling)" " I'm a dead man." " What age are you, Paul?" " 29 now." "Why?" " It's just my son would be close to your age about now." "We lost him 10 years ago." " Oh..." "I'm sorry, I didn't know." "What was his name?" " Gerald." "I lost my father." " Oh, really?" " Mm-hmm." "I don't usually talk about it." "I don't know." " I don't usually talk about my son." " I guess this is the way it would feel if he was around still, you know?" "He passed away when I was two." "(Patting)" "(Splashing)" "Hmm!" "Bubbles." " Eh?" " Yeah." "Bubbles." "What's that mean?" " Oh, that's a big fish there!" "Oh, yeah!" "No, stay calm!" "Stay calm!" " Oh, it's biting, Murray!" " Calm down." " We can't lose this." " Take it easy, now." "Calm down." "We got it." "Okay, yeah, yeah." "Calm down." " Yeah!" "He's biting." "What do I do?" "Reel?" " Reel him in." "Yes, and pull." " Oh my God!" " Calm!" "Reel 'er in there!" "Yeah!" " Yeah, he's a fighter!" "It's huge, Murray!" " Just reel 'er in there" " Oh, yeah!" "Look at that!" " Here he comes!" " Get it!" " There we go!" " Yeah!" "Get it!" "Get him!" "Yeah!" " There ya go!" "(Laughing)" " Yes!" "He's..." " Eh?" " Cold." " Yeah." "Oh, yeah." " Like almost frozen, really." " Oh, yeah, he must have come from the very bottom." "Right down there!" "Oh, that's a beauty you got." " Oh, my hands are cold!" "Thank you!" "Really!" "First fish!" " You're a natural." " There you go." "(Indistinct chatter)" " Right behind him." " He banged it!" " Pow!" "(Laughing)" "(Guests exclaiming)" "(Applause)" " There we go!" "To the great fisherman!" " Ah!" "(Fax machine ringing)" "(Beeping)" "(Printer whirring)" "(Beeping)" " It's been refused." " Why?" " First of all, $100,000 is a lot of money." "Secondly, our forms don't have little boxes you can check for bribes." " It's not a bribe." " It's a bribe." " Are you really the manager of this bank?" "(Scoffs) Because if you really are, you know, the position holds many responsibilities." "You know." "I mean, obviously, there's a lot of documents to stamp." " Don't!" "Don't!" "No!" "Don't!" " You probably have some complex accounting you have to see to." " Stop!" "Don't!" "Murray!" "Don't!" "Stop it, Murray!" "Don't!" "Stop it!" " Then I imagine you set aside 15 minutes preciously on the Internet..." " Stop it!" "...where you take time to polish your cricket stick." " Don't!" "They watch those videos!" " Oh, yeah?" " Don't!" "They watch those..." "Murray!" " There's more." "There's also a part of your job where you have to believe in the project!" "You have to be a part of the project!" "A bank manager gets involved with the project, he sticks his neck out, he risks his reputation, goes for broke, he rolls the bones!" "He looks the superior straight in the eye and he says," ""Forget the application form!" "I know this project's gonna work!"" "A bank manager does all those things!" "If you can't do all these things, Henry, I'm afraid you're..." " Don't say it, okay?" "Just don't say it." "Don't say it." " If you can't do all these things, Henry, you are nothing but an ATM." "(Stamping)" " Is there something I should sign?" "(Door closing)" "(Panting)" " Oh!" "(Grunting)" " Enjoying your stay?" " Yeah." "I mean, it's, uh, a bit different." "You know, I guess I'm used to restaurants and theatres and cellphone coverage, to different cultures and opportunities, you know?" "But here, it's..." " In our little village..." " No, I didn't say that." "Small harbour." "It's the people." "You don't even have to ask how they're doing, you just know." "And there's something about that, that..." "You know?" "Especially if those people let you in." " Hey, Paul." " Hey." "So, uh... so I had these patients this morning, and they had these awful-looking scars." " Yeah." " You know who the substitute is, Murray?" " Can't say." " Please." "The butcher!" "They received care from the butcher." "Since he's the butcher, he has the most knowledge of the human anatomy." "Apparently he read a couple books in the '80s." "I mean, can you imagine?" "I guarantee you he doesn't even scrub down." "On the sanitary purpose, it's... it's ridiculous!" "You should see the size of these scars he leaves behind." "How do they live like this?" "It's ridiculous!" "Everyone deserves the right to have a doctor!" "I mean, we have reached the 21 st century, haven't we?" "Oh, and get this." "Get this." "So, the mayor was telling me about this man, Mr. Smith." "He had a heart attack in broad daylight, and people are just watching because they have no one to call." "So, Mr. Smith just dies because they have no one to call." "He dies." "He dies!" " Hmm..." " Who's Mr. Smith?" " I mean..." " Just something that could've happened." "...to have a doctor." "Don't you agree?" " Mm-hmm." " Helen?" " Yeah." " Are you listening?" " Yeah, I'm listening." " It just seems like you're not listening." " No, it's just..." "I'm late." "I have to go." " Well, I'm sorry to bother you with the woes of a tiny harbour." " I'll call you." "I love you." " Love you, too." "(Sighing)" " He adores her." "How are you gonna get her to come?" " Yeah?" " Jack." " Hey!" " Hey." "Paul." " Hey, man." "Gone crazy out there yet?" "What's up?" " That's his best friend." " Hey, can you do me a favour and record Pakistan vs. England?" "And don't tell me the score this time, it defeats the whole purpose." " Okay." " And secondly, have you seen Helen lately?" " No, why?" " I don't know." "She's acting super weird on the phone." "Can you just..." "Can you keep an eye on her?" " Yeah, no problem." "(People chattering)" "(People chattering)" "(Murray):" "Okay, listen up." "(Bell ringing)" "Mr. Anderson from the oil company just called." "We've got a problem." "150 labourers are needed for this facility, and if we do not fill that quota, we will not get a factory." "We can make it work if everybody works together." "So, here's the plan." " The government census says 125." " There are people in our little harbour who've been living under the radar for years now, not paying taxes, see?" "No cod, no work." " Hmm." " Come on, Billy!" " Hurry!" "Go!" "(Whispering):" "Okay, quick, put it down there!" "Yeah!" "(Murray):" "See?" "It's all there." " And they haven't been collecting welfare?" " Simple bureaucratic error." "There's a population of 221 people here, Mr. Anderson." " Well, we're gonna need you to back that up more extensively, Mr. French." " Well, who you gonna trust?" "Some bean counter in Ottawa, who's never even been here, or the town mayor who knows better?" "I have counted every head." " I can't just trust you on this." "Sorry." " Okay, I have an idea." "How many people do you think are here right now?" " 100, give or take." " 84, Trip." " Follow me." "I wanna show you something." " What?" " Come on." " Okay!" "Okay, go!" "Go, go!" " Hey." "Hey!" "Where's everyone going?" " It's, uh, eight o'clock." "Entertainment Tonight is on." "How about a drink?" " A lot of people now don't come out of their houses too much." "Then, of course, there's a lot more that'll move back once there's jobs." "You got the elderly on top of that, I guess." "So, there's a lot of people here, all right." "(Both):" "Cheers." " Oh, I'd say twice the population here before the fishing was stopped." "And, uh, yeah, they'll be all back pretty quick." "Right up this way." " Where are we going, exactly?" " All right, I'm calling it." " No, no, no!" "Stay, stay!" "Let's talk cricket!" "I love the game." "I love it." " Come on!" "Come on, come on." " Hurry up!" "Sit down, sit down." "(Bingo cage rattling)" " I 23!" " Bingo!" " Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a lucky winner." "Can we get a caller down there to check her out?" " Good bingo!" " We do indeed have ourselves a bingo!" "Next game is the letter T!" "The letter T!" "(Woman):" "Oh, what did you pick?" " B 14!" "B 14!" " 82, Trip." " Next game is for the magic T!" "Magic T!" " There you go." "(Bingo cage rattling)" "(Simon):" "Roll on, boy." "Roll on." " Boys, you go on ahead." "I'll see you at the chopper." "So, how's the, uh, personal assurance coming along?" " Consider it done, Mr. Anderson." " That's fantastic." "We'll be in touch, then." " We will." " Oh!" "Yeah, how do I get back to that restaurant thingy?" " The restaurant?" " Yeah, I forgot my hat." " Um... down to the left there, it'll take you down." " Huh?" " I'll meet you there." " Okay." " Back!" "Everybody back!" "He's headin' back to Joe's!" "Change your clothes!" " The best wicket keeper." "Who?" "One, two, three." "Adam Gilchrist!" " Adam Gilchrist!" "My God, it's like we're..." " No way!" " Yeah!" " You remember that one game in..." " Oh..." " '06?" " '06!" "(Crickets chirping)" " Hi, there." "I believe you have my hat." " Oh!" "Uh, sorry." "I was, uh..." "I was just keepin' it warm." " Can I have it back?" " Yeah, of course." "Of course." " Where did everybody go?" "(Groaning) (Bottles clinking)" " Uh..." " It's after 8." "Entertainment Tonight's on." " Ah!" " Yeah." "He said "ah", and then he left." " He just left?" " Yeah!" " "Ah"?" "(Helicopter whirring)" "So, like, "Ah..."" "Or was it, "Ah, you bloody liars!"" " Murray, I'm sorry, I didn't pay attention to the "ah", okay?" "I never drink!" "I'm not used to drinking." " I need a beer." "(Man on TV): more character than we've seen so far this morning." "(Man on TV): more character than we've seen so far this morning." "Now back to the action in the middle." "Poised right now." "They've been 225 for 5." " Let's see what he gives us." "(People approving)" " Cook and Bell looking to rebuild the inning somewhat." "Hilfenhaus will be coming in once more to Bell." "A long run." "(Pitcher grunts)" " Nice!" "(People approving)" " He saw the gap square at the wicket on the offside, there." "Great vision." " Exactly." "He's good." "(TV, indistinct)" " Leg before wicket." " Aw!" " Leg before wicket!" "(People exclaiming)" "Come on!" "Watch the replay!" "Right here." "Watch the replay!" " Do we need to?" " You're right, we don't." "You're right." "It's not cricket, boys." "(Henry):" "That's not cricket at all." " No." " That's put England's stock lower than they were a few minutes ago." " See what he serves up here." "Big one coming up." " That's a glorious..." " Nice stroke!" "(Cheering) Nice!" "That's good!" "Cheers!" "(Cheering)" "Here we go!" "It is gone, gentlemen!" "I'm off to water the lily." "Keep an eye!" "It's heating up, guys!" "It's heating up!" " If I was there, I'd take one of them flat bats and I'd beat the crap out of every last one of them." " They have no right calling this a sport." "It's not a sport!" " No, it's like watching baseball, only longer." "Nothing makes sense." "Joe!" "Joe, get the score on the Habs game." "Quick, quick!" "Quick." "(Man): to the point for Diaz!" "Sends it in the corner of the Jets' zone, and the puck comes back to the point..." "Canadiens on the power play." "Ryder on the right side..." " Get it, get it, get it..." " Come on, come on..." " Fires, scores!" "(Cheering)" " No!" "(Cheering and laughing)" " All right!" " Quiet down." "Quiet down!" "Change it back." "Change it back." "(Paul):" "What did I miss?" " Nothing, we're just fooling with ya." "(All laughing)" " No!" " Yeah!" " Seriously, what happened?" "What did I miss?" " The, uh, thrower threw and then they hit and they scored loads of points in a very... spectacular manner." "'Cause they were running and running and running, and then... and then bam!" "The enemy cross-checked the hell out of the runner, in a very spectacular manner." "'Cause it was..." "I thought it was surprising, you know?" "'Cause if you ask me, it was definitely egg before wicket." " Mm-hmm." "(Groans)" " He does not look to be much of a happy..." " I get it." "I get it." "You're piss drunk again, aren't you?" " Yes!" "Yeah!" "I'm loaded!" "(All laughing)" "Yeah, I'm loaded." "Don't mind me." "(Murray):" "Ignore him." "We do!" "(Man):" "Right pissed!" " Hey, Joe, can I get a double rum when you get a chance, please?" " Ah!" "Eh?" "(Laughing) 20 smackers right here!" " You just find that?" " I just found it right there!" "Every time!" " Whoa!" " Yeah." " Unbelievable." " Smackers." "Every time." " Aw, man!" "That's amazing!" "(Clearing throat)" " Hi, you've reached Helen." "Leave me a message." "(Beeping)" " Well... (Feedback)" "You're still not answering." "Alas I am left only with my thoughts." "I had a dream last night." "I dreamt of us living by the sea." "There was the afternoon barbeque, three little children running around." "I saw our future last night, and it was perfect." "You'd love it here." "Sweet dreams." "(Chuckles)" " We gotta sign him right away." "Right away!" " Nah, it's too soon." " Why too soon?" " Well, the hook is in." "Now comes the hard part." "Like me father used to say, "Jiggin' the fish is easy." "After that, you have to pull him in."" "You have to convince the fish that the best place in the whole wide world is in the boat." " How the hell are we gonna do that?" "(Bird squawking)" "(Engine revving)" " Nope!" "Nothing!" "(Revving)" " Looks it's gonna be a while." " You're stuck here, boy." " My boss is gonna kill me!" " In the meantime, why don't you just relax and spend some time in our fine harbour?" " You got any clean clothes?" " No!" " I've got some." " I think hunting is something you learn." "I think it's something you're... (Indistinct chatter) (Clears throat)" " This boat was particularly..." " Joe!" "So, who's the new guy?" " Oh, uh, he's applying to be our new doctor." "Uh, we need one to get a new repurposing plant." " He wants to sign for five years." " Oh, I hear he's great!" " What'd you say?" "(Indistinct chatter)" "(Laughing):" "You're hilarious!" "(Laughing)" "Sorry, another round for the table, Joe, please." "Paul, hi!" "Didn't see you there!" "How are ya?" "Listen, I forgot to say, uh..." "you got a day off tomorrow." "Dr. Morris is filling in." " Sure, whatever you need." " All right!" " I'll maybe go fishing tomorrow!" " Sure, why not?" "(Men laughing)" "(Men talking, indistinct)" "(Dog barking)" "(Birds chirping)" "(Men talking, indistinct)" " Murray!" " Paul!" " Ready for some big-time fishing?" " Uh, sorry, boss." "I..." "I gotta stick around, you know, help out Dr. Morris." "Okay, doctor?" "Go ahead!" " Another time, then." " Yeah!" "Sorry!" "Hi, Paul!" " When'll the boat be ready?" " Soon!" "I think we got the doctor." "I think we got him!" " Oh, that's terrific, Murray!" " Yeah, you'll be coming back, Barb." " That's great!" "I'm really glad." " You'll be coming back?" " I love you Murray." "I really miss you." " I know we talk on the phone all the time, but... it's not the same." " No." " You're not here." "You're not lying beside me." "I miss you." "I really, really miss you." " Yeah." " If you were here, I'd... kiss your neck." " Murray..." " Yeah!" "And then I'd kiss a little bit lower maybe." "(Chuckles)" " Murray!" " You don't, uh, fancy just unfastening the button on your blouse there a bit, do ya?" " Okay." " Yeah, just a little bit." "I need to get in there." "(Phone ringing)" "(Woman):" "No, I'm always happy to take your call, Henry, but he's made his decision based on policy." " But he rejected a very solid loan application." " Henry, I've reviewed the file personally, out of respect for you." "Well, you live in Tickle Head." " Well, that's just the thing, Mrs. Carter, because it's a bit of a chicken and the egg scenario right now, 'cause the harbour is on the cusp of a very lucrative contract." " We don't deal in "justs"." "Our clients assume the risks, not us." "You know this." " I've been an employee of this bank for 18 years now, Mrs. Carter." " Henry, your job is to cash welfare cheques once a month." "It's simple." "I'm not trying to minimize your years of loyalty." "You started under my own father, but..." " Don't say it." "Don't say it." "...we could replace you with an automatic teller." " She said it." " What's this?" " That's our, uh, loan, for the bribe." "(Panting)" "And this, that's my résumé for the factory." "(Panting)" "I'm gonna lose my job over this." "That loan will cost us $500 a month for 20 years." " Wow!" "(Henry):" "Yeah." " Thanks, Henry." " Thanks." "(Whispering):" "Murray!" "Murray!" " What?" "What?" " After you dropped me off this morning..." " Paul left a message... (Mixed chatter)" " One at a time!" " Okay, all right." " You go ahead." " Okay." "Paul was calling Helen, but she wasn't answering him, so he left her a long message." "Long!" "Then he started talking about her feet and oiling her machine!" " That is not important!" " I'm very troubled by that machine stuff." " Will you get to the point?" " Paul was calling everywhere." "He phoned his friend Jack." " His best friend!" " She was with him!" " Helen's been cheatin' on him for three years!" " With his best friend!" " It's over!" "It's over!" "(Sighing)" " He got no more ties." " He has no ties." "(Soft music on stereo)" "(Soft music on stereo)" "(Sighing)" " Well... (Liquid pouring)" "Rough day?" "(Chuckling)" " It's over with Helen." " I'm sorry, Paul." " Don't be." "(Sighs)" "Everything in the past three years is..." "She's only with my best friend." "My best friend." "I mean, it's only a best friend." "But what I can't comprehend is how... (Scoffs) ...is how I didn't realize that absolutely everything around me was false." "Everybody was telling me lies." "Hmm!" "'Cause, I mean, my so-called friends, they must have known." "The two of them must've met when I was behind the operating table, probably giving someone a new nose, maybe some new breasts, or those fake cheekbones that everyone knows they're fake!" "Nobody has cheekbones like that, Murray, nobody!" "No one has cheekbones like that." "Nobody." "I'm clocking out." "(Sighing)" " Good night, Paul." " Good night." "You know, Murray..." "I set out to be a doctor to save lives." "What happened?" "(Glasses clinking, door closing)" "(Toads croaking, birds chirping)" "(Stairs creaking)" "(Sighing loudly)" " Simon!" " Who is it?" " The tooth fairy." "(Chuckling)" " Well, you're 55 years late, and you're uglier than I thought you'd be." " He'll sign now." "(Vera grunting)" " Hello, Murray." " Vera." " How's Barb gettin' on?" "Any news?" " Yeah, she's good." " Good!" "Wouldn't be too much, would it, if I asked what in the name of God you're doing here in our bed?" " Sorry, I know it's after office hours." " Well, it's not so much the time that bothers me, it's the fact that we're all here in bed together." "It's the whole threesome thing I'm not that comfortable with." " Now, now, now!" "He doesn't drop by that often." " You won't be that long, then, will ya?" " Not long." " Very good, then." "Hmm!" " Simon?" " Yes?" " Have you thought about what happens after he signs?" "When he finds out who we really are?" "That it's all been lies, we've been lying to him for a month?" "(Sighing)" " Little white lies." " It'll kill him." "(Sighing) It'll absolutely kill him." "(Bell tolling, coughing)" "So, we're down to two choices, really." "We can throw the fish back in the water, call off the seduction thing with Paul, concentrate on Anderson from the oil company... or for 24 hours a day for the next five years we can keep up the whole charade," "but it has to be all the time." "Paul must never know." "It'll break his heart!" " I'm telling you straight away, I am not listening to jazz for five years!" "I mean, you try listening to jazz fusion!" "I dare any one of you to listen to jazz fusion!" "If I listen to one more jazz musician blow his sorrow through his trumpet," "I will kill myself!" "I will do it, I will hang myself, I will..." " The Lord is with you!" "(All):" "And also with you!" " Let us pray!" " Uh, sorry for the interruption." " Uh, that's okay!" " I just want to say a few words, if I may." " Okay!" " Thank you." "Well, my month here is almost over, and, well, I wanted to tell all of you that I've come to know Tickle Head as, well, tiny, lacking gourmet restaurants, no offense, Joe," "but there's something very special here, very rare." "You're all authentic people, the real deal." "Honest in your life and true to each other." "It would be an honour to call Tickle Head home, be your new doctor, deliver your babies, fix your cuts, help all of you live long, healthy lives." " Um, we've already signed Dr. Morris to the position." "Sorry." " Don't be." "Congratulations." "Mm-hmm." "That's great." "Congratulations." " Okay." " Yep!" " Is there a plan B you haven't told us about?" "What's the plan?" "What's the..." " What'll we tell the oil company?" "(Helicopter whirring)" " Okay, all we need now is the doctor's certificate." " Uh, the certificate?" "Oh, we sent you that weeks ago." "You should have that." "(Clearing throat)" " Well, we don't have it." " Hmm..." "Henry, could you, uh, check the certificate?" " Yup!" " Hey." " Hi." " Hi." "Um, I have to catch a boat, and, like, five planes to get home, but there's something I need to say, okay?" "I'm single now, and it's definitely complicated, and I'm not ready for a new relationship at all... but... but I feel I've missed out on something," "an occasion to meet someone special." "And I want you to know that I know... about your feelings, and that it's... it's okay, and..." "I mean, Murray told me everything." " Everything?" " Yeah." "I mean, he shouldn't have... but he... he revealed your feelings for me." " And what feelings would those be?" " That you love me." " He said I love you?" " Yeah." " That was a lie." " A lie?" " You know nothing about people, Paul." "They've all lied to you." " You do have a doctor?" " Yes." " Could we meet him?" " He's away at a conference." " Here it is!" "(Murray grunting)" " That's, um..." "Oh, no, no, that's not it!" " Oh!" " No, that's a..." " In cricket, Murray, what's an over?" " Oh, well, it's a..." " You have no idea, do you?" "You've been lying to me for a month, is that right?" " No." "Not exactly." " Enough!" "What's the name of Murray's dead son?" " Harvey." "(Scoffs)" " Why?" "Why can't anyone just tell me the truth?" "(Murray):" "Paul..." "Paul!" " Is that the doctor?" " You want the truth?" "Yeah, well, the truth is... it's been years since the fishing dried up here." "Years!" "We line up every month and collect welfare cheques." "You ever collect welfare, Paul?" "Well, you collect more than your money, let me tell you that much!" "You collect shame." "You collect a good deal of shame." "The money only lasts 15 days, but you get enough shame to last a whole month!" "And it's killing us!" "We need jobs!" "I'll tell you the truth." "I don't wanna work for the oil company." "I prefer to fish, but we're not allowed to fish, not enough to make a living, anyways!" "So I'll work for this petrochemical-whatever-the-frig, and when they're gone, we'll try something else, because it's worth it to save this harbour." "And I'm sorry we lied to you, because we hadn't the foggiest idea how else to get a doctor here." "We need a doctor to save 120 people, to give them some kind of hope!" " Did he say 120?" " No, he said 220." " You've got the opportunity here to be a real doctor." " What about Dr. Morris?" " That was a lie, too." "That lie was for you, but your choice, Paul." "(Sighing)" "(Sighing)" " Would you learn to play cricket?" " No." " Well, at least you're being honest." "I'll be your doctor." " Want a drink?" " Yeah, really bad." "(Men laughing)" "(Men talking, indistinct)" "You're buying!" "(All cheering)" " Thank you very much!" "(Simon):" "Now, look, part of this, you see, is not gonna..." "I mean, look at the space you got over here!" "(Indistinct chatter)" " You're comin' home..." "if you want." "(Laughing)" "We got the facility." "We had more work than we needed." "None of us got rich, but we're comfortable again." " Frank, check those meters!" " We can take holidays, send our kids back to university or trade school." "But the most important thing the people of Tickle Head have now... is our pride." " Okay, Murray!" " What?" " That's enough." "It's not professional, okay?" " What?" " Stop it!" "(Chuckling)" " The houses are all done up." "The health plan is the best." "Families are growing again." " It was never backed up like this when I was in charge here!" "(Laughing)" " You were the best, Henry!" " I was better than this guy!" "Way better than this guy." " You didn't take it all, did you?" "(Both laughing and talking, indistinct)" " I can't begin to explain the joy we feel at the end of the day just to be... a little tired." "(Kissing)" " Mm, Murray!" "(Heavy breathing and moaning)" "(Men and women moaning loudly)" "(People sighing)" " True happiness." "(Matches striking flint)" "(People inhaling and blowing)" "(Folk music)"