"Being Considered." "Hey, Raj, how the heck are you?" "Ah, Mr. Spoonbender!" "What a great pleasure to be seeing you again in my store." "Well, it's a great pleasure to be seen in your store, Raj." "And to what do we owe this pleasure?" "Social call?" " Not this time, Raj." "This is it!" "The bees knees, the crème de la crème, the script to kill all scripts." "You know, I'd go so far as to say that this is worthy of the big "O"." "Well, that's what you said when you brought the last one in." "Yeah, I know, but I hadn't finished writing this yet." "That's a nice title." "A good start." "And...how long did it take you to write this?" "One week." " One week?" " Sure." "Seven days or five days?" "Seven days." "Seven days, Raj." "And, you know, I think that's the best goddamn thing I've ever written." "And how many copies would you like?" "I'd like 20 copies, please, Raj, and make one for yourself." "Thank you, I will." "I enjoyed reading your last script." "Oh, yeah?" " Though I thought that the symbolism of the broken tree was implicit within the narrative and would cause too much confusion in the mise en scene." " Oh, really?" "Well, you know, the tree can go because that's just a metaphor, you know." "Anyway these will be ready for you tomorrow," "Mr. Spoonbender!" " Thank you very much, Raj." "Take care." "Bye!" " Bye-bye." "Raj, bastard!" "You know, everyone's a fucking critic, you know?" "Of course!" "You give the script to thirty different people, you get thirty different opinions." "That's life, honey." "Can I help you, sir?" "Yeah, I'd like to try on these." "And what size are you?" " Ten." "Ten?" " Yeah." "Alright." "Take a seat." "Back in a minute." "We've got a ten!" "Here we are." " You ticklish?" "Not really." " Good." "Foot." "Now this is the new 'Bjorn Air Born' super air-pumped." "Foot!" "...friction calibrated." "Push 'em in." "Nice and tight." "Well, how's that?" " How much do they cost?" "Bargain: one hundred and fifty quid." "Hundred and fifty?" "Well, they suit you." "Very athletic." "Well, they're very comfortable." "Are they any good for running?" "Fastest on the market." " Oh, fantastic." "I got you some chopped liver." " How original, Jake." "I suppose yours is pastrami?" " Actually, it's salt beef and yes, there is a difference." "It's like saying Orthodox and reformed Jews sing the same songs." "You know, in Israel we have a saying..." "Well?" " Well what?" "You were saying something about a saying." " Oh, yeah." ""Why does shit always happen before you close the deal?"" "What's that got to do with salt beef?" "Nothing, it's just a very good saying." "Did I tell you, my boss told me today we're going to merge with Groman Anderson." " Really?" "Which means I'll probably get a promotion, and then maybe I'll be able to get my own flat." "Oh, honey, that's great!" "Oh, by the way, did I tell you I'm meeting Houston later today?" "Yes, Jake, you did." "Can't you even pretend to be interested?" "Oh, I am, honey, I am." "It's just that my mind is like a water buffalo searching for a grassy knoll." "Oh, God!" "The angst of a writer." "Hey, do you know how hard it is to reach into the innermost depths of your imagination?" "I do it every time we have sex." " Oh, that's very funny, that's very, very funny indeed." "You know, I'm really listening to you, it's just that my stuff is much more interesting than yours." "God, I'm just kidding!" " You'd better be, Jake Spoonbender!" "Sometimes I don't know." "You just be careful." " Oh, I am, honey." "Listen, I'm sorry if I sometimes seem pre-occupied." "You know, you know what you mean to me." "What?" "Oh, come on, you know." " No." "Do you think I'd come all the way down here to meet you just for lunch?" "You know there's no one I'd rather share my chopped liver with." "You are truly the definition of selfless." " My middle name." "Anyway, am I gonna see you tonight after work?" " No, I'm going to Yoga." "Yoga?" "Yoga Shmoga." "Did you know that Yoga spelled backwards is A Goy?" "Which, as we well know, in Yiddish means a non-Jew." "I've got to get back to work." "What are you going to do?" " Oh, don't worry about me." "I'm just gonna, you know, sit here and..." "Yeah, you know..." " You'll be okay?" "Absolutely!" "Don't worry about me, baby." "Thanks for the sandwich." "Any time." "Cheers to 'em." "Later..." "You know, this is my baby, Houston." "You gotta do something with it, okay?" "Why can't you get this to Steven in LA, you know?" "Look, Jake, your stuff isn't high profile enough for Steven, so stop going on about Steven and" "Martin!" "They wouldn't even let you in to clean the toilets!" "Well, what the fuck do they know anyway?" "You know, I write from the heart, I write with passion." " People don't want passion." "No, they don't want passion!" "They want 'Jurassic Park 2', you know?" "They're wrong!" "Do you know how hard it is to write a script?" "I mean, do you?" "Have you ever written a script?" "No, Jake, I haven't." " No, you haven't, so go outside, write a fucking script, then come back in then we can talk about it, okay?" "Oh, God!" "Houston Jones, hello?" "Hi, darling." "You didn't?" "You can?" "You're kidding?" "That's fantastic, yeah." "Okay, get that thing on the ice." "Yeah." "Alright." "Lovely." "Alright." "Yeah, three o'clock." "Alright, perfect." "Bye, sweetheart." "Listen..." " And you, you're supposed to be my goddamn agent!" "Whatever happened to agents sending their clients flowers?" "If I sent you flowers every time you got a rejection, we'd go out of business!" "How hilarious." "Thanks for your support." " Houston." "Jake." " Hi, Cornish." "He's such a fucker!" "He's just signed with ICN for six figures." "What?" "Maybe I should go with ICN." "You know my girlfriend's uncle plays tennis with Robert Hyjenkall's coach?" "Who the hell's Robert Hyjenkall?" "Oh, my God!" "Who is Robert Hyjenkall?" "Oh, my God!" "Have you heard of Jeffrey Spitzenberg?" "Yes, of course, he's the biggest agent at ICN." "Okay, well Robert is Jeff's assistant's brother." "Well, fine, Jake." "If you want to send your script to Robert and Jeff then you go and do that." "What do you mean?" " I mean, if you're not happy with me, then move on." "Fuck you, Houston!" "You're supposed to be my anchor!" "Goddamn it!" "Jesus Christ!" "Listen, I managed to get you another meeting with Tripex." "Tripex?" " Be lucky you've got a meeting at all." "Fine, but lunch is on you, okay?" "Basically, Mr. Mervin, it's "12 Monkeys" meets "Deliverance"" "you know, but it's got heart, it's got passion." "And it's not only incredibly artistic, it's also highly commercial." "I thought the characters were a little weak." "Oh, yeah?" "Which characters?" "The character of Mertyl." "Mertyl?" "Huh, well, yeah, Mertyl only appears in the first two pages." "Exactly my point." "She's weak." "Okay, well, what did you think of the reveal at the end?" "You know, when the discovers Beth's secret?" "I thought it lacked focus." "Oh yeah, yeah?" "I see what you mean, yeah." "Well, you know, we can work on that together, because this is what I'm looking for, like a producer with vision, you know, to mold this into something even more brilliant." "Yeah, well good luck to you." "I wish you every success." "It's a great script." "I'm sure someone'll pick it up." "It's just not Tripex material." "Not Tripex material?" "Listen, I wrote this with Tripex in mind, so..." "The body count's just too high." "Oh, really?" "Well, you know, we can tweak it down a little bit." "What's your limit?" " Here at Tripex we make films for children." "We don't kill off our main character with automatic weapons." "Well, you know, we don't have to use automatic weapons." "You know you could use, I don't know, a flying carpet, or you know, throw poisonous apples." "Hey, the seven dwarfs with pickaxes!" " It's been done." ""Revenge of the Dwarfs"." "Big flop at the box office." "Listen, do send me any other work that you might have." "I always like to read work from new writers." "That's why we set up this London office." "Oh, that's fine, that's just fine." "I mean, what the fuck do you know about making movies anyway, huh?" "I mean, you've only made ten films and all of them were shit!" "Let me tell you something, Mr. Mervin." "When I went to see "Bambi 2:" "Mama's Revenge", there were only two fucking people in the audience and both of them were under five years old!" "You know, this is gold, man, and I know it but you couldn't even be bothered to read it!" "Mrs Hoya, would you come in here, please and remove this gentleman from my office." "Yeah, that's right, come on, Mrs Goy!" "Bring her in," "Mr.Mervin!" "You know, I thought you'd be different." "I thought you'd know what art is, but no, you're just another great big fat fucking producer!" " If you've quite finished I suggest you leave." "Listen, I'm sorry, I had a really bad day..." " Out!" "Alright!" "Jesus!" "There's no need to be antagonistic!" "I'M LEAVING!" "Well, do you think you should have said that?" "Well, actually, that's not what I said." " What did you say?" "Oh, Jesus H. Christ!" "This is because I'm Jewish, right?" "Are you crazy, Jake?" "What did he say?" "Well, what could he say?" "I had him cornered, you know?" "Don't we belong to the same synagogue?" "You know, all I knew is that the fucker didn't read my script." "You know I'm so sick of all this bullshit, Olivia." "I wish I could just sell lemonade on the street corner." "You know, I worked when I was a kid." " Don't give up, honey." "I think you're talented." " Great, well then you buy my script." "Look, at least you're doing what you love instead of sitting in an office behind a desk for ten hours." "Yeah you're right, you're right, you're right." "You know, that's what I really, really hate about you, you're always right." "I'll take that as a compliment, shall I?" "Abso-fucking-lutely!" "Your dad still plays tennis with Robert Hyjenkall's coach, right?" "Mr. Spoonbender!" "Here you are." "All done!" "20 copies, just as you had asked." "Thank you very much, Raj." "I'm sorry, I took the liberty last night of reading your script." "Oh, really?" "You did?" " Well, tell me what you think." "Well, I thought that the intrinsic metaphor of the purple glove did not quite relate to the reality of the central character." "And then on page 27 you make references to retraining of the body and mind." "Then after that, it is not referred to at all." "Then what motivates Angie to kill her husband?" "I did not sense that she would really kill him." "You know, Woody Allen once asked 'What makes man kill?" "Man kills for food." "And not only food, frequently there must be a beverage!" "'" "Yeah, okay, Raj, I get your point, right?" "Anyway, here are my notes." "You can disregard them if you like but I would advise you to write a second draft before you send it away." "I will, Raj." "Thank you very much." "Bye-bye." "Oh, my God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?" "What did you think?" " Well, I thought it was great." " Oh, really?" "Well, you know the guy who made that movie was only twenty-eight years old?" "It's true!" "You know, if they can make a film as shit as that, why can't they make my movie?" "Do you always have to be so bitter, Jake?" "Didn't you go to film school together?" " Yeah." "But he was nothing then, nothing at all." "You know, just because his scripts are about, you know, fucking" "Irish politics or fat schoolkids depressed with their parents' suicide everyone thinks it's so fucking deep." "You know, I can see right fucking through it, no problem!" "Hey, Olivia, Duke, Jake!" "Glad you could make it." "We wouldn't miss your film for the world, Scott." "So, what did you think?" "Honestly?" " I thought it was great." "I thought it was a really good film." "Well done." "Yeah, it was good." " Really?" " Wonderful." "Anyway, I hope you're going to come to the party at the Q Bar later." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Great!" "Catch you later." "See you later." " See you, Scott, 'bye." "Party?" "Did you know there was a party?" "Did you?" "That's right, don't invite your fucking friends!" "Go ahead!" " But he did invite us, Jake." "So are we going?" "Yeah, Jesus, of course we are." "Wanna come?" "Could you just check once more, sir?" "It's Spoonbender." "Can you see it?" "Plus two..." " No, you're not there." "It's kind of like how the Americans like to see the Irish, you know?" "I suppose if they're up front about it that's something." "It's the subtle ones you want to watch out for, you know?" "Like what?" " Like the Incredible Hulk." "Yeah, think about it." "Small innocent looking thing, gets pushed around a bit, suddenly turns into this huge violent green menace." "Yeah, it's like David Banner walks into a town, week after week, everybody loves him, you know, he's all sweetness and light suddenly he goes berserk and trashes the gaff, and somehow sorts out everyone's problems." "You know, like violence is the answer, yeah." "It's like Bill Bixby is the tourist Ireland, you know, and Lou Ferigno is terrorism." "Even his name – David Banner..." "Banner, flag, waving, you know, think about it." "That is amazing!" "Hetty Fisher." "Jojo." "Jojo Garfunkel." "Olivia!" "Baby!" "Jackie!" "Darling!" "I didn't know you'd be here." "Like I did, tagging along with Mike as usual." "Jake, darling!" " Cheers, Jackie." "Duke!" "Come on, darling, let's get a drink." "Excuse me, pal." "Hey, Mark, have you read my, script yet?" "Which one is yours again..." " Jake." "Jake... "Going all the way" by Jake Spoonbender." "Oh, yeah, we met in Cannes, right?" "You're the writer?" "Writer, slash, director, yeah." "Oh, yeah, listen, it's on my desk." "I swear I'm reading it next." "Yeah, well, you know, you really should, man, because it's magic, you know, it's like" "'Charlie's Angels' crossed with "Citizen Kane"" "you know, and bingo!" " It sounds really great." "Look, just fucking read it, okay?" "I mean, if you want to read a really, really good script, just read it." "Okay, listen, I'll tell you what, gimme a call next week, and you can come in for a chat." "Okay?" "Scotty, my boy!" "Great film!" "Great fucking film, buddy!" "So you really like it?" "Oh, absolutely." "Listen, I will get you in touch with" "CAA in LA, some great things are happening." "I don't know how you cope with these parties." "They're so pretentious." " Oh, I just go along with it." "You know, unfortunately for these guys, it's the only opportunity they've got of getting any meetings, right?" " I'm so glad I don't work in this business, Jackie." "It utterly consumes Jake." "At least he's committed." "Speaking of which, when are you two planning any kind of commitment?" "I'm so sick of everyone asking that!" "I'm sorry." "It's just that Jake pays more attention to his work right now than anything else." "He's so fixated with making it." "Whatever that means." "What does that mean?" "It means he's walking on thin ice." "I'm an actress." " Oh, is that a fact?" "So, what are you doing in London?" "Well, I'm writing..." "I'm living, you know, I'm working the dream." "Shouldn't you be in Hollywood?" "Hollywood is too provincial, you know." "Plus all that ethnic food plays havoc with my digestive system." "So, what films have you done?" "Well, have you heard of 'Terminator 2'?" "You did that?" " Oh, yeah." "Really?" " No, not really." "No, I've just done small stuff really, but I've got a script which is being considered, as we say and it looks really likely to be made next year." "This is really exciting!" "Hey, where's Jackie?" " Cornered by Scott F. Thompson." "Duke, who's that girl Jake's dancing with?" "Ah, I wouldn't worry about it." "It's all part of the schmoozing game." "Anyway, she doesn't hold any competition next to you." "You're sweet." "What about you?" " If the right one came along," "I'd happily settle into something a little more secure." "Like you and Jake." "It's hardly secure, Duke." "What do you mean?" "I thought things were good." " They were." "Past tense, Duke." "Olivia, I really don't think you have anything to worry about." "You're intelligent, beautiful, ambitious..." " Thank you for noticing." "You know how to say the right things." "I didn't mean it like that." "I'm sorry." "It's just that it should be Jake sitting there saying those things to me." "So basically, the Penguin in Batman Returns represents the quintessential anti-semitic figure." "So how do you figure that?" "Oh, c'mon, it's obvious!" "The, the hook-nose, the bent-over figure always eating kippers..." "Shylock." "It's Merchant of Venice." "It's Leni Reifenstahl all over again!" "You know, this is how the war started." "Fucking stereotypes of Jews in films which, incidentally, supports my hypothesis." "What?" "That all Jews eat kippers?" "No, that there's a mass conspiracy against the Jews." "Not only in Hollywood, but all over the world." "I thought that Hollywood was run by the Jews?" "That's another misconception." "Hollywood is run my Mexicans." "What's your name, anyway?" " Gunther Mueller." "Oh, Christ, you're a Kraut?" "Ow, fuck!" "What on earth did you say to that guy, Jake?" "Well, all I said was that he should apologise for the war." "Jesus, Jake, no wonder he hit you!" " Well, it kinda proves my point that the Nazi Movement's still alive and strong, huh?" "Your mouth gets you into so much trouble." "I'm sick of this bullshit!" "I've always got to clean up after you." "You can't go around calling every German you meet a Nazi." "What?" "Now you?" " Look, I'm a passionate person, okay?" "I've got passionate likes, passionate dislikes." "What, am I wrong?" "Should I be condemned for that, Olivia?" " Have you heard of subtlety?" "I'm just being honest, okay?" " Sometimes honesty doesn't always work." "Oh, well, thanks for your fucking support, Olivia!" " Support?" "You fucking left me five minutes into that party and went off in your usual debauched state!" "Thank you for even remembering I was there!" "Alright, I'm sorry, okay?" "I'm sorry." " No, Jake." "You always do this, always, and I'm so sick of it!" "Oh, come on..." "No, fuck off!" "Don't touch me!" "Olivia..." "Hey!" "I'll call you tomorrow." "Hey, what happened?" "Women... they're hypersensitive." "Oh, shit she seemed pretty upset." "Forget it!" "I'm real hungry!" "Let's go and get something to eat." "Crispy duck?" " Oh, Jesus, Duke, again?" "Thank you." " Thanks." "Has it stopped bleeding?" "Can you see?" "No, you're fine." "Jesus!" "This is so good!" "What's with that utterance "Achh"?" "What do you mean?" " Well, you say it all the time." ""Achh" this, and "achh" that." "What's up with that?" "Look, it's a very versatile utterance, you know?" "It's like disgust, "achh"!" "'This vegetable is moldy', or joy, 'Achh..." "I get to see you at last', or disbelief, 'Achh..." "I can't believe she loves me!" "' or apathy 'Achh...'" "And why do you exclaim "Jesus"?" "It's sacrilegious." " Really?" "What do you want me to say?" "I don't know." "About Moses?" " No, Moses was a moron." "If he had turned right after Sinai, we would have had the petroleum!" "Of course." "So, how's the writing going?" "Fucking great!" "You know, I just read that book by Vogler "The Writer's Journey"." "Jesus, I..." "Sorry." "Moses..." "You gotta read it... it's like the screenwriter's bible." "Look, Jake, it's not for me to interfere..." "No, it isn't, so go right ahead." "I don't think Olivia's going to get over it that easily." "I think you should consider apologising." "For what?" "She'll get over it." "She always does." "Listen, we're having a good time here." "You're my best friend, and I'd do anything for you, but sometimes you're an insensitive prick!" " Hey, why don't you tell me how you really feel, Duke?" "I'm just being honest, amigo!" "Yeah, I know you are." "You know, that's why we're friends, Duke." "Because I'm the insensitive prick, and you're the honest one." " Thank you." ""Honesty is like a bowl of rice among big family never enough to go around."" "You order some more?" "This is not enough." "More duck?" " Yeah, let's make it two." "Two ducks." "Fuck!" "I don't believe it!" " What?" "Olivia... she's broken up with me!" "Jesus!" "Why?" "I mean, Duke, I mean if you were my girlfriend, hypothetically speaking, would you break up with me?" "Well, exactly, of course you wouldn't!" "Shit!" "You wanna know why?" "Because we're catches, that's why!" "You know what I'm gonna do?" "I'm gonna go and fax her." "Okay?" "Jake, listen." "What?" "Why don't you just go over there and sort it out?" "That's better." "That's a better idea." "I'm gonna go right over there and sort it out." "Wish me luck!" "Yes?" "Can I help you?" "Hi, Mrs. Goldberg, it's Jake here." "Olivia doesn't want to see you, Jake." "Yeah, I know, Mrs. Goldberg, but I really have to speak to her, okay?" "Could you please tell her that I'm really sorry and I really, really do care about her, okay?" "It'll take more than that, young man." "Well, what?" "Just tell me what." "I'll do anything, okay?" "You'll have to make some very big changes." "She's very upset." " Look, can I just talk to her, please, Mrs. Goldberg?" "No!" "And what did you say about the Nazi movement?" "That was just a joke, really." " It didn't sound like a joke to me!" "I must go, I'm playing bridge tonight." "Mrs. Goldberg, wait, one moment, please!" "Mrs. Goldberg?" "I mean, she won't even talk to me, Duke." "What am I gonna do?" "Move on." "Find someone else." "Forget about it." "It's a fougaisi!" " Oh, fuck!" " What?" "I just dropped my fucking biscuit in my tea!" "God, could things be going more wrong?" "I can't sell my script, my girlfriend leaves me and now I drop my fucking biscuit in my tea!" "Jake, it's hardly the end of the world." " Oh, really?" "Then give me your fucking biscuit." "Oh, God!" "Well, I don't know a lot of things, Frank, you know." "I don't know how they get the seeds out of those little sunflower things, or, you know, how to boil an egg so that the yolk is all soft, and the white bit is gooey and runny, you know, but most of all I" "don't know if she even wants to get back together with me, you know?" "Have you asked her?" " I can't even get past her mom." "Oh, God..." "I'm going crazy, you know?" "My whole world is falling around me." "I miss her." "I miss her." "Think I'll ever find happiness, Frank?" "Jake, you've been coming here for almost a year." "You're only twenty-five." "What's your point, Frank?" " My point is, I think you have a persecution complex." "God!" "I don't believe..." "I can't believe my own therapist now!" "God, but..." "is this because I'm Jewish?" "No, it's not because you're Jewish." "And I'm not a member of the "Hitler Youth League" as you so adeptly put it in that nice letter you sent me last week." "Oh, yeah..." " So, what do you do when you're not writing, Jake?" "Well, I write." "Yeah, I'm kinda like that guy from The Age of" "Innocence, you know, I go from party to party, and I create and, you know, I'm an artist, you know, you can't compromise, you know, it's all or nothing." "I like that, a passionate writer." "I'm going to be honest with you, Jake." "Myself and Larry, your script just didn't really do it for us." "No, in fact we thought it felt very much like a first draft." "No, this is the tenth draft." " Sure, but it feels like a first draft." "We've been in the business a long time." " You know, we've read a lot of scripts." "We know what a good script feels like." "And this just doesn't feel like a good script." "Well, tell me, what does a good script feel like?" "Oh, see, there's not enough tension." "It needs more conflict." "A good script... touches you." " Yeah." "And this, this didn't touch you?" "In a manner of speaking, no." " No." "But, you know, that's not to say that it might not touch somebody else." "Have you read "The Writer's Journey" by Chris Vogler?" "Read it?" "That's my bible, you know." "What Mark is trying to say, Jack..." " It's Jake." "Jake..." "Is that you should try to conform a bit more to the foundation of story." "Oh, Larry, you're so right." "The story, hey, it's everything!" " Besides, we've got a project in development for television at the moment which is very similar to this." "Yeah, this is not television material, this is a fucking feature, okay?" "Even so, it's very similar." "Well, that's okay, you know, because I got a producer really interested at Tripex." "Oh, that's great!" "Then you should have no problem selling it." "Yeah, but I'm still waiting for the best offer." "I'd go ahead and accept, Jake." "You know, Tripex, what a great company." "Yeah, sure, and it actually reads very much like a Tripex picture, right, Mark?" " Oh, absolutely." "Yeah, but the thing is, I really want to..." "Yeah, well, thanks for coming in." "Hey, and if you have any other ideas and any other scripts, please do get in touch." "We love reading scripts by new writers, don't we, Larry?" "Oh, sure." "Our friends in Hollywood just love the new Cool Britannia." "One fucking iota of power, don't come running to me, you fucking creative executives!" "You're making enemies too quickly, young man!" "But I gotta stick to my guns, you know?" "You know, I can't give in to people who don't have faith in their own judgement of what is good!" " Look, passion is all very well, but don't burn your bridges." "I have dignity, I have morals, I want answers!" " Oh, you want answers?" "I want the truth!" " You can't handle the truth!" "Well, I'll tell you what the truth is." "The world is not a meritocracy." "Why are you in this business?" "For the glamour?" "For the money?" "Or for the art?" "What?" "Oh, you doubting Houston." "For the art, of course." "The world is not a meritocracy, okay?" "I know, Jake, I know." "Scripts don't get sold because they're good." "They get sold because they'll make someone money." " Thank you." "But listen, I have some good news for you." " Really?" "What?" "Your script "Going All The Way"..." "It's in the library at Columbus." "Get the fuck out!" "It's in the library?" "But, that's good news, right?" " It means that it's being considered." "But don't getting false hopes, but its past the first stage." "Oh, it's in the library." "It sounds so good, you know?" "God, you know, you can take all the honesty in" "Hollywood, you could roll it up into a little, little ball and then you can just like push it into a gnat's navel and you'd still have room for ten caraway seeds." "Let's talk hypothetics for a second since you're fluent in that language, Houston." "What are we talking here, realistically speaking?" "Six digits?" "The important thing is not to jump the gun, you haven't sold it yet." "Anyway, I thought you write for the passion of writing, not for the money." "Yeah, I do, but realistically speaking, what, six digits?" "It's possibly six digits, but that's rare for a first-time writer." "Well, I am what you'd call now a professional writer, you know, "in the library"." "Houston, lunch is on me!" "Could you lend me a 20, though, because I'm kinda short." "Oh, don't tell me, please don't tell me..." "Fuck!" "I don't fucking believe this!" "What was in your briefcase?" "My filofax, my Rayban glasses that I found on the beach at Cannes, and my bible, "The Writer's Journey"." "That's okay, at least your script wasn't there." "My script was there, on the disk!" "Come on, don't be so paranoid." "He's a thief!" "He's probably happy with nice shades and a nice new leather briefcase." "Yeah, well I wouldn't be too sure of that, you know?" "Look, maybe thieves in L. A. are wannabe writers and actors, but this is London." "Fuck!" " Jake!" "There you are!" " Oh, hi, Mrs. Popponopolus!" "I was just leaving!" " You know your rent's a week overdue?" "Really?" "You're kidding?" "Look, well, I'll pay you any day now, because I've got a script being considered at Columbus." "How wonderful!" "You're also being considered for eviction!" "Right, well, any day now I swear to God." "Don't swear, just pay!" " Yeah, I'll do that." "Okay, well, look, I'll see you later, Mrs. Popponopolus, bye-bye!" "Fuck this library bullshit, Houston!" "I've made a decision." "I'm leaving the business." "Leaving?" "You're only twenty-five." "You haven't even begun!" " That is beside the point, Houston." "The point is, it's bullshit, all of it!" " What will you go do?" "Well, I'm thinking, spiritual retreat." "Yeah?" " I'm thinking Tibet, maybe Goa." "I'm going to become a neo-Buddhist, you know, get in touch with the inner me." "What's a neo-Buddhist?" " Oh, it's my new philosophy, you know?" "Instead of reaching nirvana by suffering, you reach it through over-indulgence." "Enlightenment through hedonism is the goal." "There is nothing more enlightening than selling your script for half a million!" "Houston, it is not about the money, it is about personal fulfillment." "In that case, when the time comes, I'll negotiate a lower fee for you." "The fuck you will!" " You're not serious about all this nonsense, are you?" "Are you accusing me of being dramatic?" " If you're going for drama, then yes." "Thank you." "And yes, I am very, very serious." "Okay?" "I have had enough." ""Going all the way by Jake Spoonbender."" "Stupid name, stupid title." ""Absolute Instinct by Jojo Garfunkel."" ""Ordinary world, the call to adventure, refusal of the call."" "You know, I've decided I'm gonna drop out of society." "You know, Jake, you go through this crisis about twice a year now." "Yeah, I know I do, I know, but, you know, this time I think I have discovered the secret of life." "You have?" "Okay, what is it?" "Hedonism." "Hedonism." " Indulgence." "Indulgence." " Indulgence is it." "Indulgence is the secret of life." "It is?" " Indulgence and positivity." "You know, like everyone." "Unfortunately, I can't do that, because I have too many hates, you know." "So that's the secret." "That's the secret." "And what brought you to this conclusion?" "Well, you know, it just hit me like a flash of lightning." "Actually, I had the the weirdest dream." "You know, it was almost like a near death experience." "It was him again..." "Death." "He challenged me to a duel, but I'm not very good at chess, so..." "Okay, Monopoly?" "Too financial." "Okay, Scrabble?" "Too wordy." " Trivial Pursuit?" "Too many questions." "I got it!" "Now, you play Connect 4, don't you?" "If I may say so, I'm quite good at the game." "Connect four." "Let me ask you this." "What is the meaning of life?" "Let me tell you a story my father used to tell me." "A boy is in search of the meaning to life." "He studies Yoga." "Nothing." "He travels to Tibet, he meditates with the Lama, suffers, but no meaning, nothing." "He visits the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, treks up Mount" "Kilimanjaro, studies the ancient pyramids, but still nothing." "Finally, he goes to see his Rabbi." "Rabbi Goldberg of the Brooklyn Reform Schul." "Rabbi Goldberg tells him to go to Mount Sinai to see Sid, the wisest guru that ever lives who sits atop the mountain." "Ask him anything, he'll give you the answer." "So the boy treks up Mount Sinai." "Eight hours and 'oy' his feet are killing him!" "And there, at the top, is Sid." "Long grey beard, perched in a lotus position on a rock holding a staff." "Wisdom written all over his face." "So the boy says to him, "Sid, what is the meaning of life?"" "Sid thinks for a few moments, and finally says "Life is a bowl of cherries."" "The boy says "What?" "A bowl of cherries?"" ""I have travelled to the far corners of the earth, trekked through Nepal, studied Yoga, and you tell me that the meaning of life is a bowl of cherries?" "Life is not a bowl of cherries!"" "Sid thinks for a second and says "It isn't?"" "So, what's the point?" " Well, the point is, there is no answer." "Everybody's looking for an answer, but there is none." "What a wonderfully uplifting philosophy, Jake." "Yeah, I know." "Listen, since I've decided to drop out of society, why don't we do something today, hey?" "Let's do something really productive." "Okay." " Yeah?" "Okay, so?" " What?" "What shall we do?" " I don't know." "Well, what do you want to do?" "What do you wanna do?" " I don't know." "I've got it!" " What?" " Let's do something really spontaneous!" " Okay." "Every writer, and schizophrenic, needs to visit Brighton." "Brighton?" " There'll be loads of babes there." "Now I see where we're going with this!" "No!" "Yes, Jake!" " No, I am no good at random seduction." "Plus the fact I am still feeling very vulnerable, very needy." "That's exactly what we need." "We're doing it." "I'm taking you to Brighton whether you like it or not!" " No." "Okay." "Hey!" "God, did you see that girl?" "I swear she was looking at me!" " She was looking at me!" "Yeah, right, Duke, she was looking at you." "Jesus!" "God!" " Okay, Jake, she was looking at you." "No, she was looking at you, 'cause you're Mister fucking" "Adonis and I'm just Mister fucking Pee-wee Herman, right?" "Oh, God, it's killing you, isn't it?" "Ever since I made that joke." "Honestly, Jake, you don't look like Pee-wee Herman, okay?" "Thank you, thank you, very much, thank you very much." "You look like Steve Buscemi." " Oh, fuck you!" "Steve Buscemi!" "You know I've been told I look like James Dean?" "It's true." "Look at us, unemployed, no girlfriends." "We're pathetic." " Oh, speak for yourself, Duke." "Need I remind you that I have a script 'being considered'?" "What, at the library?" "You know, the point is, we haven't sold out." "Okay, you go over and talk to them." "Go on." "Me?" "Why me?" "Because you're more articulate and better-looking than I am, okay?" "That's a good reason, but you're quicker on your feet than me." "You go." "No, because if I go over there I'm gonna get embarrassed and clam up." "You've never had that problem before." "Hey, look, I'll tell you, we'll both go, okay?" "We'll both go, yeah?" " Okay." " C'mon." "Right, you're gonna do the talking, right?" " I'll talk first, but then you're gonna come in immediately." " Okay, that's fine, just play it cool." "Fine." " How am I looking?" "You look fine, fine, Jake." "Hi, my name's Jake and this is my friend Duke." "Hi." " Alright?" "I'm Tammy, and this is my friend Rosslyn." "Rosslyn, that's an interesting name." "It's got a certain 'je ne sais quoi'." "You've got a funny accent." "Where you from, Canada or somewhere?" "No, America, isn't it?" "No, actually I'm from a small village called Waggamamma." "Where's that?" " It's in Clapham, duh!" "So, what's your story then, tiger?" "Sexus, Plexus and Nexus." "Right, I don't know what that is, but I like the sound of it!" " Well, nice to meet you, girls." "Come on, we're going." " Oh, aren't you coming for some whelks?" "No whelks, no." "That was going fine." "What is your problem, Jake?" "You know, I can't do this, Duke." "You know," "I just look at those girls and I see Olivia." "So what was all that bullshit just now about forgetting and moving on?" "I don't know, Duke!" "Christ!" " I mean, why did we come down here?" "What for?" " Two guys, a bit of bonding, you know." "The quickest way to get over a girlfriend is sex with a complete stranger." "Sex is the answer." "No, Duke, sex is not the answer." "Sex is the question." ""Yes" is the answer!" "Listen, I'm gonna go and take a couple of hours just by myself, okay?" "I'll meet you back at the pier later, okay?" "Fine." "Fine, Jake, if that'll help you, fine!" "Hey, are you okay?" "No." "What's your name?" " My name is Raquel." "My name's Jake." "Jake." "Hi, Raquel." " Hi, Jake." "Where are you from?" " Ipanema." "Get the fuck outta here!" "Really?" "You're not THE girl, are you?" "I might be." "Do you know you look just like Al Pacino." "Really?" "Why are you so upset?" " My boyfriend, he left me this morning." " Really?" "God, mine too!" " Your boyfriend left you?" " No, my girlfriend left me." "She left me." "I'm sorry." " Yeah, me too." "Why did yours leave?" " I asked him to." "He was a pig!" "A disgusting slab of ham!" "Not very kosher, huh?" "What do you mean?" " It doesn't matter." "What do you do, Raquel?" " I'm a painter." " Really?" "I've been looking for one of those for ages!" "How much do you charge?" "No, silly, an artist." "Oh, yeah." "What do you do?" " I'm a filmmaker." "What films have you done?" "Well, honestly?" "None." "But I got a script in the library at Columbus in LA." "Is that good?" " Well, it's a start, I guess" "Actually, no." "No, realistically, it's shit, really." "You've got, really pretty eyes." "You're cute." " Oh, I'm cute?" "Really?" "I'm cute?" "I'm not a Greek God?" "I'm not an Adonis?" "I'm not gorgeous?" "I'm cute?" "Yeah?" "Now I'm guessing that you're not shy, are you?" "I like to touch." "I like the feel of a man's lips against mine." "So, Jake, what are you searching for?" "How do you know I'm searching for something?" " Because you look lost." "Duke, meet Raquel, the girl from Ipanema." "THE girl?" "Not the girl." "Just a girl." " Oh, right." "Hi, nice to meet you." "This is Nev." "Hi, Nev, how are you?" " Hi." "So..." " What shall we do now?" "It sounds to me like you're going through a mid-20's crisis." "Really?" " I think it's quite common." " Do you think so?" "Absolutely." "Despair, depression, it's all part of our 20's." "After all, you make decisions that affect the rest of your life." "Doubt is normal." "God!" "You understand me so well, you know?" "Raquel, I know this sounds crazy, but why don't you come back to London with me?" "I can't, Jake." " Why not?" "I'm going back to Ipanema tomorrow." "Oh, shit, Raquel!" " I'm not for you, anyway." "Go find yourself a nice girl who won't let you down." "Go call, what's her name?" "Olivia." " Olivia." "Go call her." "No, she won't even talk to me, you know." "Anyway, I've made a decision now." "I'm gonna be celibate for a while or so." "What is that?" " It means I'm gonna not have sex for like a really long time." "So, you mean if I offer right now you'd say no?" "Oh, no, absolutely not." "I'd sleep with you like that!" "Why, are you offering?" "No." "No, okay." "Besides, what you told me about your girlfriend just sounds too perfect." "Yeah, it was perfect." "I just screwed it up, you know." "I'm such a schmuck." "What's a schmuck?" " Someone with really bad luck." "It's Yiddish." "Where are Yiddish people from?" "Yidland." "Where is that?" " Somewhere between Bloomingdale's and Zabar's." "Olivia, she's also from Yidland." "Why don't you call her?" "Raquel, at what point do you know that the person you are with is really the one?" "If you feel passion around her." "Even after spending every waking moment with that person." "If you still feel passion, she is the one." "If every time you are not with her, you wish that you were then she is the one." "What are you doing?" "Inspiration." "You can't ignore it." "It can come at any time." "As soon as I saw you at that party, I knew you were a genius." "Well, you know, some people have it." "So, this film of yours, I hope there's a part in it for me?" "There might be." "So when's the read though?" "Read through?" " Yeah." "You get a group of actors together and read through the script to see how it sounds." "You have to do that before you send it to producers." "It's the way things are done in the business." "I don't know any actors." " Well, you must have some friends?" "Friends?" "Are you sure you're okay?" " I'm fine." "Okay, I'll call you." " Alright, bye." "You know, he really misses you." "He's a miserable bastard." "Why don't you just give him a call?" "I don't know if I want to." "He's so consumed by himself." "Yeah, but that's what's so endearing about him." "Then you go out with him, Duke." " Look, everyone is caught up in their own problems." "Not as much as Jake." " Well, there must be something about him you like?" "I suppose so." "He's intelligent, talented, very funny." "You know, paranoids are people too." "You know, we have our own set of problems." "You know, it's real easy to sit there and criticise, Frank, but, you know, if you were hated this much you'd be paranoid too." "Thank God I'm only paying you by credit." "Right." "Frank, can I ask you a question?" "Sure." "Did you know that my script is being considered at Columbus?" "Good." "I suppose that means you can start paying me now." "No." "Do you know what it takes to "be considered"?" "No, what does it take?" "It takes one person to have faith in their own judgement." "As George Michael says, - you gotta have faith." "Just a little, and things'll work out for the best." "They always do." "The world is connected to a huge spiritual grid." "You sound just like Jake." "Thanks anyway, Duke." "You've got a really good way of putting things into perspective." "When I was young, honey, it was so simple." "A boy liked you, so you got married." "Let me ask you a question, sweetie, when you think of passion, what do you think of?" "Do you love her?" " Do I love her?" "Do reformed Jews eat bacon?" "Of course I love her." "So what's the problem?" " The problem..." "It's..." " What?" "What is the problem?" "Is it her?" "No, it's nothing to do with her, you know." "She's perfect, you know, she's beautiful intelligent, incisive, Jewish." "No, she never nags." "No, strike that, she's Jewish." "No, she's the only girl I've ever let use my toothbrush and then not thrown it away afterwards." "You know, if that's not love..." "Well, if it's not her, what is it?" "Thanks everyone for coming." "You all know why you're here." "For the first reading of a few scenes from Absolute Instinct by Jojo Garfunkel." "So I think the first thing is to maybe tell you a little about the film." "It's basically two people on the run from the mob." "Lance and Jean are running from the mob." "They hate each other, but they really love each other." "All comes together in the end." "Sort of a moonlighting, sort of vibe, right?" "So, let's go for it." "So, Jojo, I mean, do you think we can really do this?" "I mean, you know..." " Of course you can do it!" " I've never done acting before." "Don't worry about it, you'll be fine." " Are you sure?" " Yeah, no worries." " Okay." "Sure Al Pacino was fitting kitchens till the age of 37." "Only I, I've gotta get back to work this afternoon, you know." "Well, it opened up a new career for him, you know." " Alright..." " Could be something big." "If you say so." " Fair enough." "Let's start." "Lance..." "I was doing okay..." " Sorry, actually, erm, I should have said his to you." "Is there any way you can do an Indian accent?" "It's just..." "Indian?" " Yeah." "Well, not like Geronimo, or anything, you know." "I'm talking like, like Gandhi, you know, but younger, sexier, like a Hindu Tom Cruise." "You know what I'm saying?" "Nice one." "I was doing okay." " Okay?" "You lived in a shack." " And the Indian accent?" "Could we, maybe..." "That was my Indian accent." "Right, that's fine." "Well, go for it, go for it." "Great!" " I was doing okay." "How many times do I got to tell you I didn't hang around with creeps." "I didn't do it." " San Quentin's full of innocents." "Right... enter, Vigo, a big man." "A big cockney hard man." "Kinda like Michael Caine, you know what I mean, in a big black coat." "Go for it." " Right." "So, Gina, it's good to see you." " Leave her alone." "She's in no danger as long as we see eye to eye." "Which is more than I can say for you, my tempersome friend." "I'll kill you if you touch her." " Let me deal with him." "Patience, Salami." " It's Salome, Salome." "Okay, right." " Patience, Salami, you'll get your chance." "But, for now, we need the little man." "It seems dear Gina has something of an affection for our Mr. Tandy." "I don't care what you do with him." "he means nothing to me." "Nice one." " Salami, why don't..." " Salome." "Right." " Salami, why don't you put out that cigarette?" "I think it offends our guest's sensitive nose." "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." "It's quite a serious scene actually, Hetty." "I'm sorry, I know, but..." "Sorry, it was the salami." "Sorry." "You have such a beautiful voice, sweetheart." "Well, thank you, Mick." "Nice one." "Sorry about the chairs, lads." "Hey!" "What the fuck?" "It's my best friend..." "I don't believe this." "Save your lies, Duke!" "You!" "What the fuck are you playing at?" "You know, I don't wanna hear this!" "You fucking disgust me, both of you!" "The end." "This is the best draft." "Excellent!" "All the characters are strong." "All the motivations are perfect and everything flows like the River Ghanjis." "Thanks a million, Raj!" "You know, you're something else!" "Do you know that?" "You're just brilliant!" "I couldn't have done it without you." "Take care of yourself, alright?" "See ya!" " Bye!" "Hey!" "Duke!" "What the fuck were you doing with Olivia?" "I am so fucking tired of your paranoid shite," "Jake!" "Why don't you just get a grip on reality?" "You know, I can't believe that of all people, my best friend would betray me" "You don't know what friendship is!" "You don't know when someone loves you!" "You didn't know when you had Olivia, and obviously you don't know me!" "For God's sake!" "Nothing happened!" "You wanna know the truth?" "She still loves you, she always has." "The only thing that screwed it up was you!" "You do what you want!" "I'm sick of it!" "Alright?" " Alright, mate?" "Who you got there?" " Don't touch the car, mate." "Who've you got in there?" "You waiting for someone?" " The postman!" " The postman." "No, seriously, who?" " The postman, he who dances with wolves." "What, you mean Kevin..." " You never say their name." "That's rule number one." " Right." "He's there at the moment." "Looking to buy himself a house." "Nice house." "Yeah." "You in the business yourself?" "You look a bit familiar." " Done a little bit of extra work, you know?" "Eastenders..." " Now I have you, yeah." "Nice one." "Yeah." "Actually, I'm kinda working on something myself at the moment, might be something in it for you." "Would you be interested?" " Always on the lookout, mate, always on the edge." "In fact Kevin has promised me a little something in his next feature." "Really?" "Well, have a look at it anyway, huh?" "I'm sure we can all have a look at it." "I can wait for the postman." "You're learning, son." "Can you do an Indian accent?" "Okay, so what this time, Houston?" "More rejections?" " Yes and no." "Columbus?" " No, rejected." "Tripex?" " Rejected." "But, Ruben Kuntz of New Image Productions, an indie in San Francisco loves it." " He does?" "He said the script was brilliant and he wants to talk to you about directing." "He does?" " Yep." "He's only made one film, but it swept the GG's and the O's two years ago." "And this guy really, really wants to make my movie?" "We're sorting out the contract as we speak." "Six digits?" " Not quite, but you couldn't ask for a better producer." "Well, it's not a studio but it's a start, you know." "I still have my pride intact." " I didn't have to compromise, did I, Houston?" "Did I?" "No." "Mind you, I didn't have a choice, really." "But, you know, the point is, someone likes it for what it is, you know, it..." "Well so, what do I think?" "What do I think?" "Well I'm miserable." " What's wrong?" "I mean, I know it's not Columbus, but..." " Oh, no, listen, I'm..." "Houston, this is great news, it really is." "It's great, it's just," "I just feel nothing." "Let me ask you a question, Jake "mano a mano"." "What's important to you?" "I mean, what's really important to you?" "Cheers, Kev." "Thanks a million." "I'll give you a call tomorrow, alright?" "Yeah, take care and good luck with the house-hunting, alright?" "See ya!" "What did you want to tell me?" "Well, two things really." "The first thing is, Mike has asked me to marry him" "No!" " Yes!" " That's wonderful!" "I'm so happy for you!" "Really, I am." "Is that the ring?" " Yes." "It's beautiful." "So what was the other thing?" "Oh, now's not the right time." " Oh, go on, it's fine, really." "Okay, don't get mad, but I've set you up on a blind date." "What?" " Yeah, his name's Fred." "You set me up on a blind date with guy called Fred?" "Yes." "He's getting his Ph.D." " In what?" "Well, a doctor's a doctor." "Oh, you'd have preferred a lawyer, right?" "No." " Okay, sorry, bad timing." "Don't you know I only go for artists?" "Jake?" "I saw him today." "And?" "Everything came rushing back." "Do you still love him?" " I never stopped loving Jake." "Then why can't you sort out your differences?" "It's not about differences." "It's about being less selfish." "Come on, Duke." "I'm sorry, man." "Damage is done." "Come on, we've known each other for years." "You know, you know I make mistakes." "I'm your best friend, Duke." "Friendship isn't about suffering, Jake." "I mean, for God's sake give me a little respect, too!" "You're not the only one struggling with a career trying to get to grips with rejection." "It's fine for you, because the only problem that exists in your life doesn't extend beyond yourself!" "You know, knowing a friend is in need isn't a problem." "Well, you know I never thought you had any problems, Duke." "Exactly." "Larry, is it?" "Hi, listen, it's Jojo Garfunkel here." "Listen," "I've got a wonderful script for you to read here." "It's called Absolute Instinct." "Now I don't know if you're familiar with TV series' like Kung-Fu or the Incredible Hulk." "Well, it's kinda like that, except that it's got a very erotic element, something like Basic Instinct, maybe but if I could just read you through this one bit here which is essentially the main scene in the film." "Tell me you love me, Lance, despite the fact that you blackmailed me and tried to have me killed." "And I am now missing two of my fingers." "I love you too, Gina." "Fade to black." "The end." "I mean, that's brilliant." "Huh?" "Everything's in there, everything." "It's beautiful, beautiful." "It is absolutely, it's..." "Where did this come from?" "What are the influences here?" "I mean, are, it..." " We are so excited by this!" "I can't tell you how excited we are!" "How excited, Mark?" "Sort of the dichotomy of man!" " Do you know I was thinking it was the dichotomy of man." "A Cane and Abel kind of thing." " It goes right back to Genesis and Exodus right up to the modern day." "It's a real old Testament meets..." " I wanna tell you something." "You're not leaving this office today until we've written you a rather large cheque, Jojo." "We want..." " He's a tough, he's a tough man." "We want this project to stay right here in this office." "Casting?" "What do you think?" "I think we can get anyone we bloody well like for this, quite frankly." "Gina Gershon, that's who I'm thinking of." "I dream of Gina, you know?" " From Showgirls, yeah." "Do you feel it?" "Do you feel this whole thing buzzing between us?" "I mean, we can get you whoever you like." "Listen, I'm on the phone right now, Ridley Scott," "Tony Scott, there's bound to be another one by now." "We're gonna get you the best director, the best cast!" "This film is gonna be fucking massive, Jojo!" " Just pick your speed dial, Jojo, pick it out!" "Duke, for all the years that I've been a complete bastard, I apologise." "I'm really sorry." "But, you know, when I saw you and Olivia sitting in that café, my stomach just turned." "Because I thought that not only was I gonna lose her, I was also gonna lose you." "We're always gonna be friends, Jake." "You know, everyone needs to hate sometimes." "It strengthens your 'likes'." "Do you want some advice?" "You always said you were powerless to control your destiny." "So now's your chance to take matters into your own hands." "She still loves you." "Really?" "She does?" "She does." "It's give and take, and you can't always be the one taking." "You know, being considerate of how others feel is hardly a life-threatening change." "Oh, and by the way, she's leaving for a blind date in about twenty minutes." "Why does life have to be so complicated?" "Do you want to know a secret?" "It's not." "Life's simple, really." "And all that bullshit about life being short..." "Guess what?" "It's not, it's long." "We just waste so much time." "Life itself is perfect, it's intellect and emotion that screw things up." "So, you decide." "What is it you want?" "Fred?" " What do I do?" "I don't know." "Well, just be polite." "I hear he's really nice." "You mean you haven't me him yet?" "Well, no." "Oh, no!" "Shit!" "So, Olivia, I've heard a lot about you." "And I've heard a lot about you, Fred." "Really?" " Yes." "So I hear you're getting your PhD." "Is that right?" "In what?" "Rabbinical studies." " Right." "Fascinating." "Duke told you?" "I didn't go." "I'm glad." "I'm glad." "I jumped to conclusions about you and Duke, and for that I'm really I'm really, really sorry." "Are you?" "How do I know?" "How do I know that it's for real this time?" "I'll tell you how." "Because today, the best thing in the world happened to me and I'm just miserable because I haven't got you by my side to share it with me, okay?" "When we first met I fell in love with your passion." "And I often wondered what would happen if that disappeared or changed." "And I suppose, in a way, I was selfish too." "I wanted that passion to be for me." "You wanna know what the crazy thing is, Olivia?" "It's that we've been going out together for what, two years now?" "Every time I kissed you it feels like the first time, you know?" "When I'm not with you, I wanna be with you." "You know, you're the one who inspires the passion in me." "And I love you." "I mean, I really, really love you, Olivia." "And I love you, Jake." "What exactly did you say about the Nazi Movement?" "Oh, hi, Mrs. Goldberg." "Tell you the truth, kid, you've got something here." "Simple characters, uncomplicated plot, nice sets." "You say this is your first script?" " Yeah." "How'd you find me?" " Your number was written in me book." "Of course it was." "Yeah, I like it." "It's got heart, it's got good ethnic characters." "Where'd you learn to write like this?" " From me book." "Which book is that?" " Chris Vogler's "A Writer's Journey"." "Yeah, it's a good book." " Yeah!" " Tell you what we're gonna do." "We're gonna shoot this film." "Have you ever directed before?" " No." "Well, it's okay, we need a fresh eye." "Do you think you could direct?" "No." " That's the answer I'm looking for, honesty." "Even the title's perfect." "Absolute Instinct by Jojo Garfunkel." "Jojo Garfunkel?" "What kind of name is that, actually?" "Nothing to do with Simon and, I presume?" "No, just plain old Jojo Garfunkel." "Jojo." " I like it, Jojo." "Everything about you is original, even your name." "Originality's hard to come by, kid." "So, do you have a lawyer?" " No." "Have you got an agent?" "We'll sort you out." "Stick with me, kid!" "I'm gonna make you a star." "Ma, I'm telling you, this script is like gold!" "Everybody wants a piece of it." "Yeah." "Tell you what, I'm cutting deals, I'm signing cheques, I'm meeting people." "It's great!" "I've got some very big people involved, Ma." "Like the postman." "The postman, Ma, yeah." "You never use their real names, Ma." "It's the first rule." "It's Hollywood for me, yeah!" "Here, listen, Ma," "I've gotta go!" "I've got a big meeting across town." "Right, I'll talk to you later, bye!" "Right good news." "Your phones are working again, so, I'll invoice you for them next week." "Alright." "Take care, love." "Alright." "Hey, have you heard of this guy called Jojo Garfunkel?" "Never heard of him, why?" " He's twenty-four and he's just about to direct a film he wrote called Absolute Instinct." "Let me look." "Produced by Tripex, starring Kevin Costner and Sharon Stone." "Bastard!" "Jojo Garfunkel?" "Jojo Garfunkel... what kind of a stupid name is that anyway?" "Everyone wants to be a director!" "D'you wanna know something?" "Who cares?"