"You're gonna be a nana." "I got a boyfriend!" "Hiya." "Hiya." "It's from your Dad." "I don't even know what to call you." "Hello, son." "I've got absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever." "Probably cos I wasted them all on you twenty five years ago..." "I still love you." "Bye, love." "Ta-ra!" "Oh, my God, you're not?" "Eight weeks." "Well, have you told Sean?" "Sean's not necessarily the father." "So who?" "Rob." "It might be Rob." "This room is proper small." "I can't believe you made me share it with Luke." "Ey, good boy, there are children in Africa'd give their hind teeth for a room like this." "Sorry." "What is a hind tooth?" "I dunno... is it a fang or something?" "What?" "!" "I'll get it." "It's really brilliant we got a spare room though." "I don't know anyone in school with a spare room." "Except Kyle Davies and that's cos his Nana died Christmas, so she didn't need a bed." "But it's not a spare room, it's a nursery!" "Sean..." "Babe, when can we tell him?" "Oh, hush now!" "Aw, come on, Emma knows." "And Paula." "And everyone'll know soon with you getting..." "Fat." "Curvy!" "I was gonna say curvy!" "Look, I know you're excited, but I just wanna wait till the scan, OK?" "You're the boss." "Mam!" "Mam." "It's a laptop!" "Rob Morgan sent me a laptop!" "What?" "!" "He did what?" "So me and Luke can Skype each other!" "Oh, my God, this is mint, this is!" "Wait till I tell Little Al." "Full of surprises, your ex." "Yeah." "You're not upset, are you?" "What?" "Don't be daft..." "I gotta fetch Auntie Brenda, haven't I?" "D'you want me to come?" "No, you're all right." "She's a bit of an acquired taste is Auntie Brenda." "Be careful with that computer, good boy." "I got no money to get it fixed to go breaking it." "No, no, I've got the details here." "So there are two projects outstanding the barn conversions and the..." "Yeah, remind me?" "And what's the estimated completion date for that?" "Luke!" "Made up your mind about Sunday?" "I'm telling you, ice hockey's not a proper sport." "It's like darts or paintballing or something." "You are so gonna regret saying that." "Am I?" "I'll pick you up at one." "OK." "Sweet." "So you think we can exchange within the week?" "Excellent!" "Yeah, I'm hoping so, as soon as things are finalised." "Yeah, I'll get Anne to sort out the flights." "Alright, cheers, Mike." "Yeah, I'll be in touch." "See ya." "Right, we sinking some beers or what?" "And there's me thinking, y'know, bring him over here, open his eyes to Canadian culture, get him watching ice hockey and snowboarding..." "I'm going the ice hockey Sunday as it goes." "With Kate?" "Yeah." "But tonight I wanna go boozing with my old man." "Less of the old." "Sorry, I meant really old." "Come on then." "Looks like I might have something to celebrate..." "Auntie Brenda." "Well, good God - here she is!" "Sorry I'm a bit late." "Oh, don't be daft." "I been chatting with Petra Sheen." "I haven't seen her since the late '90s." "Excuse the car." "I inherited it." "Ooh." "Very swish." "Ey, I'll tell you something, it's good to be back in Pontyberry." "Me and your parents should've done this swop thing years ago." "Well, I think you're mad." "I'd choose Tenerife over Pontyberry any day of the week." "That's what they all say, Stell, at first." "But it's an evil place that Place de las Americas - full of San Miguel and sodomy." "Oh, it's far more your parents cup of tea." "Right..." "Settling in nicely they were when I left." "Duw, you've put on some weight mind, haven't you?" "Ooh." "Yep." "I know that." "I'm not trying to teach anyone to suck eggs." "For God's sake." "Look, nearly there." "Just a couple more... inches." "What's going on?" "Bit of a measurement error." "All under control." "Oh, charming!" "Dai." "Dai!" "It's not gonna work, love." "You'll need to use a different casket." "Fetch that Sheridan Oak up from the cellar." "But it's second hand." "Well, no-one'll know!" "And Daddy got the stain out, it'll be fine." "Oh, fair play, Em, his head is filling out now isn't it?" "More smoother in the face, like." "Your tea's here, OK?" "Thanks." "Sunny, where to have you put the baby oil?" "Erm... by the salt and pepper?" "Aw, it's always a worry when they're first born, cos no-one'll tell you if your baby's a minger..." "Oh, come on, Jas - d'you have to?" "Aw, just till the end of this bit." "Apparently baby massage is on the up now." "All the what-you-may-calls are doing it." "Soap stars?" "Politicians." "Pop a bit on by there, babes." "That's it." "You're gonna like this, Abra." "Yes, you are." "I gotta say, it's grown on me, his name has." "Abra." "It means Cloud." "I know." "Abra-cadabra, Karl do call him." "Yeah, you keep telling us!" "We know." "Yeah, you said." "We might start doing massage at the salon." "If the tanning takes off, like." "Hoody-hoody." "Come on up, Jag!" "We're in by here we are." "Are you seriously calling it "Tantastic Bodies"?" "Yeah." "Why?" "Nothing." "I think it's mint." "Nadine how nice to see you!" "Alright, Jag?" "Hiya, Tan." "I really must apologise for the state of my son's home." "Tanisha..." "Emma, really, this is not good." "Not now, Tan." "Yeah, calm down, Mum." "It's their home." "Precisely, not yours." "Now get back down to the shop." "Your break finished... twenty minutes ago!" "Slave driver!" "I could take you to court." "Emma, your husband is about to start medical school and your home looks like a knocking shop." "Come on now." "Chip-chop." "What?" "Mum, it's fine." " No, it most certainly is not fine." " Yeah, it is." "Just leave it." "Aww..." "I think he filled his pants he have, Jag." "Well done, Abra." "Auntie Brenda." "What you doing 'ere?" "Karl, my lovely boy - well now, there's a treat!" "Come here!" "I heard you were coming back like, so I got you a bit of shopping in." "There's a luv, he is." "Isn't he a luv, Stell?" "Knight in Shining Armour." "I can see why you married him, kid." "Yeah." "But y'know we been divorced eight years now, don't you?" "Oh, it's just a little blip - isn't it, Karl?" "We'll soon have you back in the marital home." "Yeah, well actually I got a new boyfriend." "Called Sean." "Right!" "Let's see what state my brother have left this house in!" "I don't get it!" "She absolutely bums you." "I know." "And your hair looks ridiculous." "Oh, heck, it's worse than I thought!" "So let me get this straight." "You've bought a run-down construction firm." "In Pontyberry?" "!" "Yeah." "Idris Howells' place." "You know it, on Murphy Way?" "Oh, nice of you to mention it!" "I just have!" "So you're going back to Wales?" "!" "Yeah." "Just for a month, get it all set up..." "What about me?" "I've only just got here!" "You don't have to come." "And someone else'll run it - it's just an investment, that's all." "Hi, guys!" "Hi, Glenda." "Two beers please." "But I thought you hated Pontyberry." "I never said I hated it." "Look, when I went back in the summer, it was because of you." "To meet you right?" "But y'know, I spent some time there and things happened... and seeing the old home town again..." "You sound like Tom Jones now." "People I grew up with." "Like Karl?" "Like your mother." "Yeah?" "Oh, I get it." "Look, I hate to disillusion you like, but Mam's with Sean." "And she's dead keen on him." "So that ship's well and truly sailed." "Yeah." "Maybe." "No maybe about it." "It's still worth investing in." "You do mean Pontyberry Construction, don't you?" "Yeah, course." "Cheers." "Bloody fascinating, this." "God..." "What've you got there then...?" "Nothing." "Boring." "Spank you very much, sir." "Oh, let's have a look." "No, Pauls, leave it..." "Undertaking Today?" "Yeah..." "You were getting turned on by Undertaking Today?" "What it is, I'm just really enjoying it, working with you." "Doing the undertaking." "See these wicker caskets?" "Yeah." "They were going down a storm with the environmentalists, they ALL wanted one but then disaster struck." "Because they creak!" "Exactly!" "But then this fella, Empson, discovered this oil, you spray it on an hour before the committal and the whole thing's as smooth as custard." "Not a sound." "D'you wanna play corpse and the Widow?" "Aye, go on then..." "Oh, Jeff." "My darling, Jeff." "How am I ever gonna live without you?" "It's going to be so hard..." "So very hard." "Yeah, Dad, honestly." "There's absolutely nothing for you to worry about!" "Yeah, and the gas and the electricity and the council tax..." "Yes!" "Right, I gotta go." "I'll call you in a couple of days..." "Ben!" "Gumpa sends his love..." "Hiya, Gumpa!" "Love to Mam." "Bye." "Oh, bless." "No matter how many times I tell him, your grandad thinks you have to shout on the phone from Tenerife!" "I just messaged Luke." "We're gonna Skype tomorrow night." "Oh, that's nice." "D'you actually know what that means?" "No." "You're such a dinosaur." "Raargh!" "Night." "Good night." "I love you, Bethan." "Oh, it's bin day tomorrow and I should've got Brenda some bleach." "Oh, I love it when you talk dirty." "What goes on in that head of yours?" "Nothing." "The purple's nice, mind, isn't it Karl?" "For the blinds in the front." "Yeah." "I told Janice we was opening and you know what she said?" "No." "She said, "Not another tanning shop!" ""This town used to make coal, now all it makes is dirty faces!"" "You ready, babes?" "He's going to do it." "The big man is gonna do it, Dine." "Yes he is." "That's it, that's it..." "He hands off the giant winger." "Is he over?" "Is he over?" "Is he over?" "!" "OH YES!" "He's over the line!" "That was stunning, babes." "Cheers." "Having said that, I'm now thinking the turquoise." "Y'know you're gonna have to slow down on the ironing at some point." "I can't afford to." "Yes, you can!" "Babe, I'm gonna look after you." "Both of you..." "Oh, Mam, can I have a lift?" "No, love." "I got this lot to shift." "Aw what?" "!" "I'll take him if you like." "Will you?" "On the Harley?" "Yeah, why not?" "Oh, Mam, can I, can I, can I?" "Oh, I dunno - will it be safe?" "Mine's safer than your bloody driving." "Oi!" "Oh, go on then." "Awesome." "See you." "Ta-ra!" "See ya!" "Well, Duw, Alan Williams!" "Now there's a man who've aged." "Auntie Brenda, I heard you were back." "I needed a break, Al." "I couldn't stand it any longer." "It's a disgusting place." "Me and Melissa had our honeymoon in Tenerife..." "Exactly." "Ken and Meg are over the moon to be there, but they'll soon learn." "How's that boy of yours - still plump?" "Little Al!" "Say hello to Auntie Brenda." "Hello, Auntie Brenda." "Aw, hiya, love!" "Yeah, you wanna get him on a diet sharpish." "Before the self-hatred kicks in." "Good God, Moira Lamb!" "I thought you was dead." "Alan!" "Alright?" "I wonder if I might have a word?" "Er yeah, can I get a balance on my account please...?" "Hiya Bethan!" "Who's that?" "It's Bethan." "Right, this will get her attention." "Good luck, son!" "You make me and your mother..." "Very proud..." "Very proud, yeah." "Look, you're not coming to the bus stop with me, OK?" "Acha baba, we'll wave from here, ah?" "Jasminder, come and wave your brother good luck." "He's going to be a doctor for God's sake..." "Good luck!" "What about his lunch?" "He'll starve." "He hasn't got anything to eat." "Yes he have." "I done him a sandwich." "Dairylea and egg." "I appreciate that, it's simply out of my hands." "You know how I'd always opt for human interaction instead of a..." "Belisha beacon?" "Well, strictly speaking, it's a pelican crossing." "The Belisha beacon is..." "I know what a Belisha beacon is." "I'm a lollypop man." "I'm sorry." "When do I finish?" "End of the month." "Al!" "Look!" "Yeah." "Very nice." "Hey!" "You-ee!" "You must be Sean then?" "Er... yeah?" "I'm Auntie Brenda." "Listen." "I'll come straight to the point." "I've got no time for flighty northerners." "Flighty northerners in leather coats on mopeds with a hankering for older women." "Now, you look after Stella, and you and me'll get on just fine." "But you mess around with her head and her what-yer-call and you'll feel the wrath of my weft, good boy." "Do you understand?" "You know I love Stella, don't you?" "Love isn't worth the paper it's written on, beaut." "Still." "Nice to meet you!" "Yeah." "Likewise." "I think..." "I got him ready now Paul..." "Oh, good God, Dai!" "What you doing creeping around like that for?" "I'm just trying to y'know..." "develop an 'elegant glide'." "More respectful, like." "Right." "Anyway, Mr Mason, he's ready now." "You said to say." "Just in time by the looks." "Mrs Mason, I am so sorry for your loss." "Sorry for you loss, sorry for you loss." "Shall we go through?" "OK." "I tell you what, it's gonna be stunning." "No two ways." "The whole town'll be browner and beefier." "Like a Bolognese." "And it's what Dine have always dreamed of I imagine." "Being her own boss, like." "Aye." "Like the manly one in Dragon's Den." "Only without the shoulder pads." "Mind, you would not want to meet her down a dark alley on a foggy night, would you?" "Oh, I dunno." "She does it for me that one." "Oh." "What's that?" "Who's "Bodie" when he's at home?" "What?" ""Tantastic Bodie's"." "Come on, Karl." "Details, details." "We gotta keep on top of it." "Otherwise we'll be out of business before we've tanned our first arse." "So, OK, in your own time, and only when you are ready, my assistant is going to remove the sheet and let you see Mr Mason, lying peacefully, resting in peace." "May his God bless him and keep him." "OK?" "No!" "No!" "Wait." "Yeah." "Go on then." "I'm ready." "Do it now, do it now." "That's not my husband." "No, that's definitely not him." "Dai." "Could I have a word?" "One moment." "Sorry mate." "Easy!" "I've read this one." "Terrible ending." "Everyone dies!" "Yeah, so I heard." "So you coming to the union with us?" "Erm, well..." "Wrong answer." "You coming to the union with us?" "Yeah, OK." "Just for one." "Keep up then!" "Stella!" "I text you I was coming." "Yes." "Come in, come in." "Good God, have you been burgled?" "Having a little sort out I am." "Might be something here worth a few quid, never know." "Maybe." "Don't suppose you... wanna buy something, do you?" "Hat?" "Nice." "Has something happened...?" "I've lost my job." "I'm being replaced." "Oh." "Belisha?" "Life's crap sometimes, isn't it?" "Yeah." "Terrible." "Alan, are you smelling my head?" "Yes." "I'll just, er..." "That'll be good yeah." "One, two, three." "Ooh." "Ugh." "I'm gonna have to keep my eye on you." "Why?" "You're in danger of becoming a little bit boring." "Come on the "Sunny Side Up", one more." "I can't." "You didn't even drink that." "Go on, Sun." "One more." "After three - one, two, three." "One, two, three." "Ho-ho-ho!" "Yes!" "Now... it says here you could enrol for Maths on a Monday and a Thursday and your English on a Tuesday." "That leaves you with two free evenings... for other subjects." "Oh, my God, I'm not resitting my GCSEs!" "How many times?" "So, you're going to just work in a shop the rest of your life, are you?" "You and Mum do!" "You don't find me complaining and telling you to do resits..." "Er, that is hardly the same." "Dad." "I'm never gonna be Sunny." "And for me, life's not about getting letters after your name and a poxy paycheck." "I wanna do things with my life." "Proper things, things that count!" "Hiya." "Hey Em me and Beth are gonna have a game of Jenga later." "You wanna play?" "I can't." "I'm going Mam's for tea - we're all Skyping Luke tonight." "Oh, you give him our regards." "Will do, ta-ra." "Bye." "Oh, proper things like Jenga, you mean?" "Jenga, janga." "Well, at least I'm not on drugs!" "Yet." "I know what you're thinking and you can stop it right now." "Looking at me like that all judgmental." "Mam?" "In 'ere." "He's sleeping he is." "I thought if he has a kip now, he'll be awake for our chat with Luke." "Aw, wake him up in a bit, is it?" "Have a little cutch with his Nana?" "In a bit, yeah." "You heard from Sunny?" "He text me." "He says everyone's really nice and friendly and that." "But they've got like masses of work to do." "Well, he would I suppose." "Yeah." "So, how you feeling?" "Fine." "You been lucky not having the morning sickness." "I was vomming every day I was, do you remember?" "Yeah." "I been thinking, it's gonna save you a load of money you having Abra's hand me downs." "Do you want tea did you say, or coffee?" "I didn't." "Mam!" "Every time I mention the baby, you change the subject." "It's like you don't even wanna be pregnant." "Yeah, well I don't really Emma, if you must know." "I think the whole thing's a bloody disaster!" "What?" "I'm 42, I've already brung up three kids and now I'm a nana as well." "And I just don't have the energy for starters." "And Sean, he won't shut up about it, like he's the only man in the whole world ever to become a dad." "And I just want the whole thing to stop." "You can't say that!" "Yeah, I can." "I've had enough, Ems." "It's really crap." "Aw, come here." "Look... you're only feeling like this cos of Rob." "Cos there's a tinsy chance that it might be Rob's." "But you and Sean you were fine till he come along and now he's gone you can be fine again." "You love Sean, that's all that matters." "Isn't it?" "I not sure if I do, Presh'." "Mam?" "Well, if I loved him, why did I have sex with another man?" "Hiya!" "Emma's here!" "Alright!" "Oh." "I heard you met Auntie Brenda this morning?" "Yeah!" "Didn't exactly welcome me with open arms." "Sounds like her!" "Ooh, careful love bit hard!" "Ooh, sorry." "You put your feet up, I'll get the tea on." "Coffee!" "Cheers." "Letter there for you." "Fancy a run tonight?" "10k?" "Might do you good." "Fuck off, I'm a labourer!" "I'm burning calories all day not like you, Mr Desk Lizard." "Yeah, it would be embarrassing wouldn't it being beaten by a really old man?" "It's from the Immigration lot." "They want me to go in." "Oh, they love a bit of ceremony the Canadians." ""Your full visa, Mr Maurice."" "They'll want to hand it to you personally!" "Oh, my God, was that a Canadian accent?" "!" "Well, at least I'm not still talking "like a Welshy boyo from the Valleys"." "Oh, my God, was that a Welsh accent?" "Shut up!" "Where are you gonna do this..." "Skyping malarkey?" "In the den, I thought." "You gonna say hello?" "Erm..." "Yeah, yeah, I thought I might." "Just to be polite, you know?" "Sure." "Nice shirt by the way!" "Right, I'm off." "Oh, come on, Sun." "Er, excuse me, who gave you permission to stand down, please?" "I did, I'm leaving before I start things I wish I never saw." "Oh, Sunny Side Up is leaving everyone." "Going back to his Mama and Papa." "No, I'm going back to my wife actually and my baby." "You're married?" "Yeah." "See ya!" "Baby!" "He can't be married!" "So, how's he gonna hear what we're saying?" "Cos there's a microphone there!" "And the camera can see all the room, I tested it out." " It's incredible mind..." " What they can do these days." "What time is it in Canada, like?" "Lunch time." "It's so weird that, isn't it?" "That we're ahead of them." "It's like something out of Dr Who time travel an' that." "I mean really, we could tell Luke what's gonna happen today, couldn't we?" "Aw, don't spoil it for him!" "And Mam don't shout, OK?" "Or cry when you see Luke." "Oh, hush now, how long we got?" "Five minutes!" "So when you actually going back then?" "To Wales?" "Might be the end of next week." "You don't waste time, do you?" "Life's too short." "When you go back... you gonna visit my mother?" "What do you think?" "I think you're off your tree if you reckon you've got a chance with her." "You live in Canada, man!" "And Sean's 32, you did know that, didn't you?" "Yeah, I thought he was something in his 30s." "He rides a Harley and he's a boxer... and she's nuts about him" "Give me one good reason why she'd drop him for you?" "Rob?" " Because I love her." " Bollocks." "And I think she loves me." "More bollocks." "And because the night before I left for Canada... me and your mother... we slept together." "Please tell me that's bollocks?" "No, it's true." "Oh, fuck." "You gonna answer that?" "I can hear you but there's no picture..." "Oh, my God, there he is!" "Hello my darling boy!" "Hiya, Luke!" "Yoo-hoo!" "Hold on a minute, I can't see you..." "Hang on." " Yes!" "I can see you now!" "Alright?" " Hiya!" "Ben, you could've dressed for the occasion, like." "Sorry!" "Alright, Sean?" "Alright mate." "Eh, Sean, what's with the baby?" "You been up to no good since I been gone then or what?" "Well actually..." "It's your little nephew it is." "Give him 'ere a minute, Sean." "Let's show Uncle Luke your lovely face." "Aw man, he's a beaut, isn't he?" "He misses you!" "We all do, love." "I don't, I got a massive bedroom now!" "Ey, Luke, say thanks to your father for the laptop." "It's really generous of him." "Yeah, it was." "Well, you can thank him yourself if you like Mam?" "Oh, no, it's alright, no need to bother him." "Hey, Rob." "Come and say hello to the folks back home." "Hey, be nice for you to say thank you, Ben." "Hello." "Hiya, Rob." "Alright?" "Rob, thanks for the laptop, it's awesome." "It's a pleasure, glad I could help out." "So what's been occurring then in Canada land?" "Nothing much really." "Usual." "Well, actually, Rob's got a bit of news, haven't you, Rob?" "Have I?" "Yeah!" "Looks like he'll be popping back soon to Pontyberry, like." "Why." "What for?" "Erm..." "Well I've bought a local construction firm." "Er, Pontyberry Construction, you know it, Mam!" "Idris Howells's place." "He's packed it in." "So I bought it off him." "Yeah, but why would you do that?" "It was a really good deal." "Couldn't you find something a bit nearer to home?" "Pontyberry IS my home, of sorts." "No, it's not!" "So when you coming back then?" "Could be next week." "Right." "Well, actually, Rob... we've got a bit of news ourselves, haven't we babe?" "Sean, don't say anything..." "Sean, man, now's not the time." "What?" "What news?" "Come on, Stell, I mean it's stupid the scan's next week!" "Woah, woah, woah, what scan?" "Oh, my God, Mam, you're not ill or nothing are you?" "No, no, she's not ill, mate." "She's pregnant." "We're gonna have a baby." "Wicked!" "Can it be a boy one?" " Congratulations." "Thanks!" "D'you know what, Sean?" "Sometimes you can be an absolute idiot!" "You're just in a kerfuffle cos you saw Rob!" "No, I'm not!" "It's bound to make you a bit odd." "You haven't seen him since you shagged him!" "I couldn't give a toss about Rob." "It's Sean I'm pissed off with - opening his big mouth." "But why?" "They're all gonna know this week anyway with the scan." "That's not the point!" "It was my news." "And he knew I wanted to wait." "Stell, what you got to realise is that men are like small children and dogs - they get a bit over excited." "Your brother's just the same he's obsessed with being the best funeral director in Wales at the moment and it's doing my head in!" "Yeah well, everything's doing my head in at the moment." "Yeah, that's just your hormones, you moany old whore." "Oh Paula, can I tell you something?" "What?" "Last week..." "I heard Sean... y'know... in the bath." "Wanking?" "No!" "Singing?" "No!" "Y'know." "Oh!" "Pumping!" "Parping!" "Steadying the buffs!" "Shut up!" "Shut up, you know I can't handle it, even saying the word." "But it's a milestone in a relationship when a fella parps in front of you." "You should take it as a compliment." "You parped in front of him yet?" "Will you stop saying the word "parp"?" "!" "Still... strikes me you got bigger problems than parping to fry." "Like what you're gonna say in six month's time when that baby pops out your vajojo with a shock of ginger hair?" "Oh, great." "Really helpful that, thanks." "Sorry - strawberry blonde." "Yeah?" "Well, of course they have to be dead first, it won't work otherwise, will it?" "OK..." "Oh, my God." "Sean's a good bloke, Stell." "He's fucking gorgeous." "You won't find another one like him in Pontyberry." "No." "I won't, will I?" "Aren't you two meant to be at work?" "I'm on afternoons." "You sound like Dad!" "Emma, where are me trainers?" "Oh, where were they?" "By the back door." "You know I found you in the bathroom last night, don't you?" "Surrounded by all his books he was fast asleep, aww." "Aw, bless!" "Yeah, well that's cos it was the only place to work." "You weren't in any state to work when you got home." "You were pissed and doing that stupid smile." "So what!" "It was his first day!" "I wasn't "pissed" actually babe, I only had a couple." "I don't want you to think I'm gonna start making a habit of it or anything." "Don't be daft." "Anyway I got something to tell you all." "It's gonna be all round the town so I wanted you to hear it from me like, but it's about my mother." "Have she died?" "She's pregnant." "No way!" "Shut up!" "Yeah." "She didn't want to tell no-one till the scan, but Sean told Rob and Luke and that on the computer last night so you may as well know an' all." "D'you think we should offer two for one on the protein shakes?" "Just for the first week, like?" "Ah, now, I been thinking about that, babes." "How about we turn it on its head like one for the price of two?" "That way they'll think they're getting something really special!" "Dad!" "I got something to tell you!" "Woah, woah, slow down, Slovanovich!" "It's about Mam." "Oh, my God, have she hit you?" "What?" "No!" "She's gonna have a baby." "What?" "Hiya, Jag." "Auntie Brenda." "You will have heard the news I expect?" "Our Stella." "Expecting again, she is." "Sorry?" "I know, Karl'll be devastated." "Why she couldn't keep her legs crossed like the rest of us I'll never know." "But there we are." "These are the times in which we live." "I'll see you kid!" "And I'm sorry, I think that's disgusting." "Yeah you said, beaut." "I mean I'm surprised she was even having sex if I'm honest." "Cos let's face it, once you're past 40, you should knock it on the head." "Stands to reason." "I'm 45!" "Oh, don't be childish!" "What?" "Don't hang up on me." "Stella!" "Look, I know you're annoyed with me and you've a right to be but..." "I wanna make it up to you." "Cos I hate sleeping back at the flat." "So get your glad rags on..." "Oh, Sean, man..." "No excuses." "I'm gonna wine and dine you, well dine you anyway, back into being friends with me." "I've booked us a table, where we had our first date, so..." "I want ten out of ten for romance." "And I'll see you there at eight o'clock." "And what about Ben?" "Ben's staying at Karl's." "See?" "No excuses." "OK." "Hey, Stell!" "I heard you're up the duff!" "Well done, kid!" "Life in the old cocking girl yet then!" "Come on, Banjo." "Hiya, this is Stella." "And Sean and Ben." "And Banjo!" "Leave a message." "Hi." "Er, hello everyone, it's Rob." "Just phoning to say congratulations again on your news." "The line cut out yesterday, so..." "Anyway." "Congratulations." "Bye." "Oh, God, what an idiot." "Right next time you see me I'll be a Canadian." "Sort of." "Will you talk to her for me?" "Who?" "Your mother." "I'm not getting involved in all this, you're just gonna have to sort it yourself." "I can't talk to her when Sean is there, can I?" "Y'know, and I need to know if it's my baby." "I don't think that's unreasonable." "No, course not." "This appointment's at 12 and I don't wanna be late." "Oh, yeah, sorry, see you later." "Boo!" "Oh, hello." "Careful." "Sorry." "I nearly spilt my drink!" "Dai-Dai's missing paw-paw." "Oh, hush a minute now, isn't it?" "I'm just trying to have a little break." "Y'know you can't keep it from me, don't you?" "Eh?" "You are being very brave." "Dai, what are you on about?" "Stella's baby." "I know how much it hurts." "Cos we never had one, like." "This is very nice." "So are you." "I'm really sorry for upsetting you." "That's OK." "But I'm not sorry that they all know." "I'm glad!" "Yeah." "Hey, I wonder if they still do them mushrooms?" "Come in!" "Hiya." "Luke Morris." "Yes, hi, thanks for coming in." "Do sit down." "I'm afraid there's been a problem with your visa." "How d'you mean?" "You seem to have omitted telling us about your prison record." "Yeah." "We've booked your flight, Mr Maurice, you're going home." "You alright?" "Was it them meatballs?" "No." "No, it's not the meatballs." "God, I love you." "Why thank you, kind Sir." "No, I really do." "I know." "You know we were talking about names the other day?" "Well you were talking about names and I gotta say," "I'm not a fan of nothing fancy." "I mean what's wrong with John or Peter...?" "No, wait, I'm not talking about baby names." "I'm talking about your name." "I want you to change it." "I want you to change it to..." "Mrs Magaskill." "Oh, sweetheart..." "I want you to marry me." "OK, this is not the reaction I was hoping for." "Sean." "There's something I have to tell you." "The night before Luke went to Canada..." "I slept with Rob." "You can't just leave." "You've broken my fucking heart." "If you ask me it's all for the best." "Young fella like that, he'd have been off like a ferret up a drainpipe when you had that baby." "Is this a bad time?" "Bobby!" "Oh, my God!" "I think you and me need to talk face to face." "There's nothing to talk about!" "Oh, there's plenty." "Like why we ended up in bed together for one thing."