"January 4, 1963." "Dear Dennis:" "I've been abducted by my own parents." "They found out what we were planning, and now they want me..." "As far away from you as possible." "I'm not coming back to Chancery." "They're hauling me and my horse... to some all-girls'school in Connecticut." "They think I'll be safe surrounded by high walls and lesbians." "This is the end of the world." "One look tells you," "This place eats the hairy bird." "You know, you are going to love it here." "My great-grandmother was class of 1903." "So, I'm fourth generation to go here." "Both my mom and dad are on the Board ofTrustees." "So, obviously, we believe that Miss Godard's is the finest girls school in the East." "This is Miss Godard, who founded the school." " She looks like an ax murderer." " Indeed, you will find... the original ax on display at the woodpile." " Hello, Miss McVane." " Hello, Abby." "Kindly explain my joke to the new girl." "Well, one of the rules is if you're late to class, you have to chop wood." "You must be Odette Sinclair." "Welcome." "I know it's a difficult adjustment from a coed academy to a girls' school." "If I can help ease the transition, come see me in my office." "Carry on, Abby." "Who was that?" "Zorro?" "Oh, that's Miss McVane, the headmistress." "She's really great." "Verena, Tinka!" "You've got a new roommate!" " What?" " She's from Detroit!" " What?" " We take the honor system very seriously here." "Miss Godard believed that the girls should govern themselves... in order to learn to take responsibility for their actions." " What's this?" " This?" "Oh..." "I'm a monitor." "I'm on the self-government committee." "Elected nine times now." "So, I have nine stars." " Taking a break." " You're absolutely not allowed to smoke." " Uh, where are you going?" " To visit my horse." "I was going to warn you about your roommates." "But now, I don't think I will." "She's got five pairs of Pappagallo's." "She's got a great stereo!" "Men on the floor!" "Come along now, girls." "Scurry, scurry." "Will you get into your room?" "There's men on the floor." "Hey, baby!" " Walkin'the dog" " You can't twist to this music." " It's too slow." " Just a-walkin'the dog." "Now, there's no place to dance, anyway." "Lf you don't know how to do it I'll show you how to walk the dog." "Ooh, this must be the boyfriend." ""Love, Dennis." Ohh!" "I did not give you permission to play my records." "Welcome!" "I'm Tinka Parker." "And this is Verena Von Stefan." " Art thou perchance Odette?" " Odie." " Those are my shoes." " We always borrow each other's things." "I loathe and abhor this place." "I don't see how you can say that when you're from Detroit." "So, Odie, what are you doing here at Miss God-Awful?" "How come you had to transfer from Chancery?" "Oh, no doubt things were getting too hot and heavy with Dennis the Penis." "Up your ziggie with a wah-wah brush." "What?" " Say that again." " Up your ziggie with a wah-wah brush." "That's priceless." "Where did you hear that?" " I made it up. " " Dinner!" "Go back up and sew up that hem." "Hold it." "Why, Abby and Susie." "Sieg Heil!" "Parker!" "Take those off." "Why?" "They're not jewelry." "They're office supplies." "Off." "Or I'll report you to Miss McVane." "Abby, up your ziggie with a wah-wah brush." " So, what's she like?" " Mm, she could be improved." "We've decided not to get rid of her." " She's got a great record collection." " Geez." "Yum!" " Odious, this is Tweety Goldberg and Momo Haines." " Hi." "Ignoramus." "Purple Penis." "Are you carrying Dennis' child?" "You can tell Tinka." "She's had four pregnancy scares." " Four." " Was it beautiful?" "Do you actually expect me to answer these questions?" "But we're curious." "We all have our hymens, except Tinka." "That's enough." "Clearly, she doesn't want to describe it." "It's like hog wrestling." "Isn't that right, Odious?" "Oh, I don't even think she's done it with Dennis yet." " Are you gonna eat that?" " Tweety!" "Where's my ipecac?" "You hid it!" " No!" "Oh, God!" " I knew it!" " Tweety, no, no." "Give it..." "No!" " Let go of me, Momo!" "Tweety, don't do it!" "Give me the bottle." "Ow!" "Fine." "Make yourself sick." "You're only gonna be hungry again later." "She swallows ipecac syrup, and then 15 minutes later she heaves up everything." "Ipecac causes convulsions in the alimentary canal." " Are you taking chemistry?" " Yes." "Great!" "Mrs. Dewey is the most adorable teacher in the school." "She's gonna help me to get into M.I.T." " Who's your advisor?" " Mr. Dewey." " Eew, Mr. Dewey!" " Eew, he's a lech." " Good night, Tinka." " Good night, Verena." "Good night, Dennis." "Ohh!" "Dennis!" "Harder!" "Deeper!" "Dear Dennis:" "I miss you so much." "I'm perishing in this penal colony." "I'm completely alone." "My roommates are demented." "Dear Mother and Father:" "Today, I was elected... to the Security Council of the model U.N." "I'm so popular I got to play Russia." "Dear Mom and Dad:" "Today was dress rehearsal for Death of a Salesman." " My roommate plays Willy Loman." " Ben!" "A man has got to add up to something!" "Dear Dennis:" "Maybe I can escape from here and we can meet in New York." "Oh, good morning, Odette." "What can I do for you?" "I'd like to know why you turned down my request for a pass this weekend." "You wanted to go into New York to see a horse show..." "Alone and unchaperoned and your parents worry you may run off to meet some boy." "I'm required to keep you here on weekends, unless you're invited by a friend whom they approve." "Dear, I can think of no better cure for your..." "Conspicuous misery than to make some friends." "Don't reject them." "They're not just girls." "They're you." "And if you get to know them, then you'll be discovering yourself." "And that is, believe it or not, as great an adventure as the opposite sex." "Thank you." "For the most part, your papers ranged from the merely adequate to the completely vapid." "With the exception of one." "Miss Sinclair, I congratulate you on your grasp of Pan-European politics." "Now, remember, ladies, tomorrow's assignment will..." " Verena, may I know the reason you're so late?" " Cramps." "I wonder what would happen to American foreign policy if President Kennedy got cramps." "Possibly, history has already been influenced by his bad back, sir." "Please submit a paper tomorrow supporting your thesis, Von Stefan." "Miss Parker, do you have any views on this subject?" " No." " Hmm." "Plenty of room but no views, hmm?" " Oh." "Just as I thought." "Empty." "Tomorrow's assignment..." " What?" "Review chapters seven through 11 in the Palmer." "Come see me in my office after lunch." "If I'm not mistaken, you show a genuine interest in political theory." "Yeah." "Kind of, I guess." "I'm going to be attending a series of lectures over the next few weekends... in New York City, which you might enjoy." "I'm sure I can arrange for Miss McVane's permission." "And perhaps even extra credit as well." "New York." "Between you and me, Miss Godard's isn't exactly... a healthy environment for an energetic... and... curious young spirit." "We wouldn't want the hall monitors to catch you with lint on your jacket." "Girls have been shot for less." "I'm so fat, I could die." "Look who's here." " Why, Odious." " Hi, guys." "Oh, my God." "She's actually talking to us today." "What happened with Dewey?" " Did he feel you up?" " He invited me to a lecture in New York." " You didn't say you'd go with him, did you?" " He wants your bod." "Ladies, it's time to put on our thinking caps." "Somehow, we've got to get rid of him." "But then we'd lose Mrs. Dewey, whom we adore." "Yeah." "But if she knew he was a pervert, she'd divorce him." "Right." "She's got to see some proof." "Like when my mom found those pictures in my dad's desk." "Well, uh, I thought that maybe if I went to New York I could sneak away and see Dennis." "You don't need Dewey to go to New York." "All you have to do is ask us." "It's easy to get a weekend pass." "All you need is a letter from your mother." "Dear Miss McVane:" "Tinka will be joining me in New York City the weekend of the 20th." " Blah, blah, blah." " So, what I need is a pass that lets me get out alone." "That's what it is." "Tinka takes the train into New York and stays at my mom's apartment." "She's in Europe for the year and Tinka's mom is in Boca Raton." " Wait a minute." "So this is..." " I do all the mothers' letters." "Tweety wins our prize every year." " Miss Godard's girls are very talented." " Let me see that." "Guys, wait!" "How do you mail it so it has the right postmark?" "You mail it to one of your friends back home, and they mail it for you." "Miss Godard's girls are very organized." "Guys, I think I'm in love." " Do you have something I could..." " Schoolmaids!" "Hi, I'm Snake." "This is Skunk, Groundhog, Possum and Beagle." " We're the..." " Flat Critters." " What is this?" " We're a photography club." "We take pictures of animals who have been run over." "Show 'em, Skunk." " Eew." " Eew." " Eew!" " I love this woman!" "She's everything anyone could need." "Poise and personality." " Straight teeth, rich parents." " Go away and leave us alone." "Her name is Tinka Parker." "Tinka." "Her name is Tinka." "Now you are my dream." "And you can take away my money, my food." "You can take away my home." "You can take away my car!" "But if you take away my dream I'm nothing but a..." "Flat Critter!" "What are you doing?" "Bring that back!" "Come back with that hat, you little punk!" "So, explain to me one thing." "Why can't I have you?" "Because you are lower than dirt." "You're subterranean." "You're a townie, for Christ sakes." "I don't know you!" "We haven't been introduced." "Is that how people fall in love in your world?" "They're "introduced"?" " Come on!" " How sad." "How tragic!" "People like that are..." " Flat Critters!" " Eek!" "Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo!" "Now, hold on, you young studs!" "Hey, Tinka!" "Tinka!" "So, do you really dig that guy?" "I have some dignity, you know." "Odie, you're supposed to wear the blazer on all trips into the ville." " Didn't you know that?" " Yes, I did." "But, actually, I have a complaint about the school jacket." "I find it a little too restraining." "Cuts off flow of blood to my breasts." "Five demerits." "You will stay in study hall till bedtime every night for a week." " By God!" " What?" "What is that on your nose?" "You know, at first, I thought it was just freckles." "But now that I'm up close, I see." "It is dried poo-poo." "Now, does Miss McVane simply pull down her underwear..." " and bend over?" "" " Six demerits." " Eight demerits." " Nine!" " Ten!" "Arf!" "Arf!" " That was breathtaking." " Thank you." "You really have a fantastic way with words." "You should be a speechwriter or a demagogue or something." "You think?" "I mean, I've always been kind of interested in politics." "Excellent." "Odious, we'd like to invite you to join the D.A.R." " Oh, I'm not a Republican." " Oh, I should hope not." "We'd like to show you something." "Always make sure nobody's looking, because nobody knows about this door." " There's a door back here?" " Yeah." "Last year, I went behind this tree... to hide from the monitors and I saw it." "This is the attic." "We're right under the roof here." "It runs all the way along the school, you know." "From the dorms, to administration, under the theater." " Just about anywhere." " And the kitchen, don't forget!" "Wow..." "That's all she cares about." " Anyhow, we got the place to ourselves." " Mostly." "The only people who come up here are the maintenance men once in a while." "They store old furniture and stuff... and then we steal it." "So far, nobody's discovered our secret room." "This is where the D.A.R. Meets." "Mmm!" "We can get any canned food we want to up here." "They store boxes of it over the kitchen." "What exactly is the D.A.R.?" "It stands for Daughters of the American Ravioli." " Cold ravioli." " I think it's better cold." "In the D.A.R., we share our most secret dreams of what we want to be." "Most of the girls here at Miss Godard's, they've got all the opportunities to become something... a good upbringing, a good education, they're loaded." "But, in ten years, they'll be married with three kids and two cars, a colonial, a collie..." "they're finished." "That's why it's called a finishing school." "But we, the D.A.R., have other plans for ourselves." "I'm going to become a pioneer biologist and find a cure for something." "I'm going to start my own magazine." "Like Vogue." "I'm going to call it Moi." " I'm going to be a psychiatrist." " I'm going to be on the cover of Moi magazine... as a famous actress-folksinger-slut." "And Momo will be my doctor and Tweety will be my shrink." "We all pledge to help each other achieve our ambitions, no matter how big or small, for our whole life to come." "So now, Odette Sinclair, what is your most cherished dream?" "I would like to be an ex-virgin." "Your great ambition in life is to lay with your legs in the air like a bug?" "I went home for Christmas and I got a diaphragm." "Before I could use it, my mother found it and sent me here." "So now, all I want to do is what I was about to before I got caught." "All right." "If you join the D.A.R., we'll organize... a secret "randy-vous" for you and Dennis to meet at my mom's apartment in New York." " But how do I join?" " First, you must undergo a little test... to prove your sincerity." "Which brings us to another item on our agenda." "Yes." "Mr. Dewey has got to go." "And you can help." "You're the only one who has French... in the same room right after Mr. Dewey's class." "Okay." "Sinclair, your mother called, but nobody could find you." "Where have you been?" "None of your flopping' buggies." "Time's up, ladies." "Please pass your papers to the right." " Package from home?" " Yeah." "My mom sent me a quilt." "Verena, why are you so late?" "You've missed an entire period." "You mean, I'm pregnant?" " Where's my briefcase?" " Um, maybe you left it in the faculty lounge." "That's impossible." "By the way, sir, I'm sorry but I can't go to New York with you this weekend." "Hmm?" "Well, perhaps another time." "Good morning, Mademoiselle Odette." " Comment allez-vous?" " Tres bien, merci." "Whose is this?" "Oh, let's see." " Can you really order this stuff?" " Miss McVane!" "Oh, look!" "This one has three speeds." "Call Frank Dewey in here." "So, where'd you find all that stuff, Verena?" "I stole it from my dad's collection." "I found his secret hiding place last year." " He likes anything with whips and stuff." " Eew!" "Guys, cool it." "The warden." "Sinclair and Von Stefan, you will come with me to Miss McVane's office, right now." "Verena, I wonder if you realize how hard it is... to attract male teachers to Miss Godard's." "They consider girls' schools the bottom of the barrel." "We certainly don't pay them enough to alter their opinion." "So, we are fortunate indeed... to have Mr. Dewey on the faculty." "Yes." "He's a very good lecher." "I mean, teacher." "There's some sort of conspiracy afoot to discredit Mr. Dewey." "He is upset." "I have no proof, but my instinct tells me... that you are behind this little gambit." " What gambit?" " Think of it as a tribute to your talents... that I suspect you." "Oh, you're very smart, Von Stefan, but mainly in the derriere." "Now, at Miss Godard's we try to educate the mind and not the buttocks." "So, unless your smarts begin migrating from your heinie to your head, the next time you find yourself in this office will be the occasion of your dismissal." "This is so unfair." "I don't even know what..." "I have asked Abby to keep an eye on you and to report... anything she construes as misconduct." " Yes, Miss McVane." " Abby, you may return to study hall." "Verena, when young people of one sex are cooped up for too long in a place, there is an unhealthy disposition to plotting and cruel mischief." "I really think you'd benefit from a weekend away from here, yet I see that you've chosen to remain on campus since the beginning of the year." "I know your mother is still in Paris, but you have friends... who would invite you to their houses." "I love it here." "It's my home." "No, dear, it's not." "I'm sorry about your parents' separation." "Must have been a rough summer." " Do you want to talk about it?" " No." "I mean..." "It's an unfair world." "You may be right." "On your way out, please tell Odette to come in here." "Odette, sit down." "Odette, I received a letter from your mother requesting a weekend pass." " Yes." "This weekend." " However, your mother happened to call this morning... about a tuition payment and, when I mentioned the letter, she knew nothing about it." "Not a half-bad forgery." "I am referring this to the committee." "Odette Sinclair, the committee has decided... not to recommend expulsion and give you a second chance." "However, you are grounded for the remainder of the school year." " I would like to rebut." " You're not allowed a rebuttal." "It's a filibuster." "I have the floor." " We don't allow that, either." " What is this, a junta?" "I, I who have nothing." " I'm grounded." " I never leave." "You promised to help and instead you made things worse." "Hey." "We didn't get rid of Dewey either." "You can't collapse because of some minor disappointment." "You get tougher." "In the D.A.R., we have a saying:" ""No more little white gloves."" " I love you" " Come on." "Let's go out for a smoke." "We'll just have to organize some way for Dennis to meet you here instead of New York." "Somewhere private where you can do the dirty deed." " Is that possible?" " I'll think of something." "I promise." "But it's a waste of my mental skills." "I'd rather be planning your political career." "You shouldn't be thinking about sex." " It's so trite." " Come on." "I'm supposed to be thinking about it at my age." " Don't you ever?" " Why do you think my brain is so swift and uncluttered?" "Come on." "There must be someone you like." "Alas, I lust for no one." "Not even you." "Tinka!" "Tinka!" "Tinka, the wind calls your name." "And the pond, and the trees, and the... pachysandra..." "And the stars, and the moon..." " You!" "Pests!" "Go home!" " And the vines..." "They all call your name." " Who's that?" " Tinka!" " It ain't Gidget." " I'll call the guards!" " You do that!" "Snake?" "Get out of here!" "Tinka, come away with me, girl." "Tonight's the night we're gonna get introduced." " No!" " We gotta go!" " Tinka!" "Tinka!" " I know what you look like!" "Momo, are there any Triscuits left?" " No, Tweety." " Oh, I'm so hungry." "My stomach is raging." "'Cause you ralphed supper." "I'm gonna get some ravioli." "Tweety..." "Don't get caught!" " What was that?" " Someone..." "Oh, my God." "Who's there?" " I don't believe it." " What happened?" "The ceiling has caved in from the leak." " This..." "This proves our point." " It does not!" "I think we're all making a terrible mistake... not to consult the alumni and parents." "We make a special appeal every year, and we only get enough for Band-Aids." "Eve Godard founded this school because she believed... that girls had a better chance to grow strong... away from the irresistible domination of men." "She used to say, "We build them up so you can't tear them down. "." "They come first here." "If we merge with the boys' academy, the girls will come second." "They shouldn't have to learn such a bitter lesson at this crucial age." "St. Ambrose is one of the oldest and finest... boys'prep schools in the East." "I have bailed this school out year after year." "But if the board rejects this brilliant proposal," " I will cancel my support." " Page." "Now, may we put this son of a bitch to a vote?" "All those in favor of coeducation." "Hurry up!" "Guys, listen to what Tweety just found out." "Miss Godard's is going coed with St. Ambrose." " St. Ambrose Academy?" " Shh!" "We're not supposed to know!" " Next year!" " Why?" "It's a disaster!" "St. Ambrose boys are so cute!" " Why can't we just..." " This is the best thing to happen since Midol." " Boys at Miss Godard's." " Oh, yeah." "You would just go out and greet them with open legs." "Hey, guys." "Now they're gonna have to call it Miss Gonads." "Goldberg, Haines." "Back to your room." "Not another blessed peep out of the rest of you!" "The D.A.R. Meets tomorrow night after classes." "It's not going to be okay!" "I'm not going to get into M.I.T. Now!" "If I apply with a lot of boys from the same school, you know they'll accept the boys first!" " That's not true." " Yes, it is!" "All I ever hear is girls complaining..." " how lonely and bored they are, right?" " Oh, yes." "Tinka, maybe." "Not me!" "I can stand a little loneliness!" "This is a school!" "We're all trying to get smarter!" "If St. Ambrose merges with us, instead we'll all be killing ourselves to be cute." "Right!" "Just imagine." "We'll have to wash our hair every night." "We'll have to sleep on rollers till our scalp bleeds." "Then we'll have to get up at 6:00 every morning for the comb-out." "Your lungs will be lined with hair spray." "Then, you need all this equipment to push up the tits... and blitz the zits and spray the pits." " She's right." " Then-Then you stagger into class..." "And you look perfect but you're exhausted." "You're too tired to even think!" "But that's okay... because the teachers, they won't call on you anyway!" "Also, you don't want to be smarter than the boys." "They don't like that." "So to wake up, you drink some coffee at lunch but don't eat the food." " You'll be on a permanent diet!" " I'm not gonna change the way I am 'cause boys are around." "Oh, come off it, Tweety." "I've seen you at school dances." "It's like The Three Faces of Eve." "You turn into this simpering, fawning..." " Verena." "Verena!" " Wretch, and the whole next week, we have to put up with your..." " suicide attempts because your date didn't like you!" " Verena, stop." " Shut up!" " Verena!" " Now, you've done it." " Don't listen to her, Tweety." "That was really uncalled-for, Vagina." "Look, Von Stefan." "I know you like this place the way it is, but wake up!" " It's not real life." "Real life is boy-girl, boy-girl." " No!" " Real life is boy on top of girl!" " Would you two stop it?" " You should know that." " Oh..." "Look." "It looks like this is going to happen whether we like it or not," " so we're just going to have to adjust." " Yes, we're gonna have to adjust." "Where would we be now if President Kennedy had said," ""Oh, well, we'll just have to adjust to living in the shadow..." " of nuclear warheads on Cuba"?" " There ya go!" "They're just boys, Verena, not communists." "Ha!" "I'm not gonna live in the shadow of the hairy bird!" "Well, that's your prob." "You're afraid of boys!" " Order." "Order!" " Oh, you'd be afraid of boys too, except..." " Order!" " You've got nothing left to lose, Miss Tinka!" " Prude!" " Tramp!" " Truce!" "Quiet!" " Come on!" "Have some ravioli." " Oh..." "Here's what I propose." "The St. Ambrose Choir is coming down for a dance and concert in May." "Obviously, this is a trial to see if we all get along." "So, we must make the boys look so awful... the trustees will have to cancel the merge of our two schools." "What do you mean, "we"?" "Count me out." " You're in the D.A.R. You have to help." " Well, then, I quit." "Me too." "What about you, Odie?" "Maybe it wouldn't be that bad, having boys here." "I mean, it doesn't have to be about sex, right?" "They can just be our friends." " Just like we're friends." " Friends?" "Look at us!" "Just mention boys, and everybody's a traitor." "So, are you going to stay and help them with their nasty little plan?" "Come on, Verena." "Don't do it." "It's pathetic." "You all want to sell out the school because you're horny!" "Well, the D.A.R. Is dead." "Long live The Hairy Bird Committee." " Hear, hear!" " Okay." "Let's get some ideas for the St. Ambrose dance." "How can we put them in a bad light?" "What sort of boys would your parents never allow you to consort with?" "Okay." "Okay, well..." " If they were drunks." " Mmm." " Or sex fiends." " Good." "Good night, Verena." "So what do you want this time?" " I need 20 pounds of sugar." " No problem." "And about two dozen liquor bottles." "No." "I don't want trouble." " I'm talking about empty bottles." " Ah." "Okay." "Fifty dollars." "Tomas!" "Do I look like I'm made of money?" " It's ready." " Ahh." "Good timing." "I need a drink." "Down the hatch!" "Ohh!" "Whoo!" "It's at least a thousand proof." "Now, try it with some apple juice." "Momo, you're a genius!" "Keep going, men." "Play defense." "Get ready for the bully." "This shouldn't be a secret." "You should tell all the others about the school going coed." " Throw the whole question into debate." " You tell a single soul, and I'll tell Abby Sawyer about your plans for Dennis." "I know what you're afraid of." "You're afraid they actually might like the idea, right?" "And everything has to be your way, no matter what anybody else wants." "You're a totalitarian." "Come on, Verena, the school going coed is not the end of the world." "You don't understand!" "You don't belong here!" "You don't deserve it!" " Abby, your parents are downstairs." " Oh, okay." "Thanks." "Have a nice weekend, Ab." "Bye." "What happened to Abby Sawyer's hair?" "Someone put peroxide in her setting lotion." "They all hate me." " Nobody could hate you, sugar." " Page." " We'll be up in a second." " Sometimes..." "I just want to tear off all my stars and be just like everybody else." "Abby Sawyer, when you are at the top, there are always jealous people who try to shoot you down." "Well, you just pick up your chin and you say, "pooh"!" "Now, when we get home tonight, we'll put a nice rinse on that hair." " Tonight?" "I thought I was going with you now." " Come on, Harvey." " We have a meeting of the Board of Trustees, lovey." " But I'm all packed." "Abby, in a couple of weeks you will understand what all the mystery is about." "I can't even remember what they look like." "Anyway, I think it's important..." "I'm here to see my daughter." "Tinka Parker." "Uh, dear, will you tell Tinka her father's here?" "Tinka's dad's dead." "Excuse me." "I think I left my yacht running." "Hee-hee..." "Get the guard!" "G'day!" "The plan needs a final flourish." "A dagger in the heart of St. Ambrose." "Do you suppose any of the boys in the choir is related to one of the trustees?" "Let's check the yearbook." "I think there's a list of trustees." "Uh, hello." "Hello." "Is this Mr. Frost to whom I'm speaking?" " Yeah." " This is Mrs. Mortimer Frost calling from England." "My husband has just passed away and left an inheritance." "I'm trying to locate his heirs." "Are you, by any chance," " Bradley Stoner Frost, Jr.?" " No." "He's my grandfather." "Ahh." "And your grandfather is a member of the St. Ambrose Board of Trustees?" " Yes." " Well, up your ziggie with a wah-wah brush." "Yup." "He's in the choir." "He's mine." " Let me in, wee-ooh" " Wee-ooh, wee-ooh." "Ooh, wee-ooh." "Wee-ooh, wee-ooh." "Ooh, wee-ooh Wee-ooh." "I can see the dance band The silhouettes on the shade." "I hear the music All the lovers on parade." "Open up I want to come in again." "I thought you were my friend." "Pitter-patter of those feet." "Movin'and a-groovin' with that beat." "Jumpin'and stompin' on the floor." " Let me in, open up" " Let me in, open up." "I want you to open up that door." "I hear music." "Let me in." "The master race has arrived." " Headmaster..." " Headmaster Armstrong." "Yes." "And this is Mr. Bert Chubb, one of our housemasters, and Graham John, our choirmaster." "Uh, how do you do and welcome to Miss Godard's." "We've got about 80 dollars in the kitty." "It goes to whoever's date has the largest set of nay-nays." "You must furnish proof." "Our roving photographer will find you." " Let's go." " Masterly." " And then there's the brown one." " She's the biggest one..." "Girls, you have about 20 minutes to show your dates around campus." "Then, when you hear the bell, please escort them to the dining room for an early dinner." "There will be a tea dance at 6:00." "And then the concert tonight at 8:00." "Come forward when we call your names." " Schumacher." " Burgess." "Hi, my name's Charles." " Fanning." " Delacorte." "Winslow." "Goldberg." "Todd Winslow." "How do you do?" "Theresa Goldberg." "Nice to meet you." " We've got a winner." " I think we do have a winner." " Purvis." " Wang." "Hi." " Frost." " Sawyer." "Hmph." "Miss Phipps, I was supposed to get Frost." "I signed up for him." "Abby, you changed the list?" "Verena, everyone has been matched by height." "You are too tall for Mr. Frost." "Your date is Mr. Bateman." "I'm-I'm Conrad." "Or you can call me Connie or Darnoc, which is my name backwards." "Come on, car wreck." "Well, I think Nixon lost the election because of his enormous jowls." "You're terrible." "I mean, the least he could have done was put a brassiere on for television." "Stop, please!" "I'll burst!" "What size cup would you say he was?" "Are you a soprano or an alto?" "I'm a tenor but I can go..." " as high as an alto, because sometimes..." " Excuse me for a moment." "Oh!" " Oh, I'm so maladroit!" " Oh, geez." "Are you all right?" "Can you ever forgive me?" "Never." "Better go change." "I will be right back." "Oh..." "My name's Verena." "Have you seen the gym, Mr. Frost?" " Uh, Frosty." " Frosty Frost." "Dear Dennis:" "Be careful no one sees you when you come in the back way." "You'll be safe once you put on the jacket and tie." "Then everyone will think you're a St. Ambrose boy." "Don't forget to put the rubbers in your pocket." "If a guard stops you, eat them." "What an extraordinarily attractive group... of young ladies you have at Miss Godard's." "Won't they look good on the cover of your brochure?" "Yes." "Might encourage enrollment." "Or we could redesign their school uniform:" "Shorter skirts, plunging necklines." "Well, I..." " Are we allowed to be in here?" " No." " You want one?" " Uh..." "We could get high." "What, with aspirin and Coke?" "Come off it." "That doesn't work." "But did you ever try Midol with Coke?" "No." "Wow, you're pretty vigorous." "These look more like Miltowns." "I wish they were." "My mom, she eats 'em like potato chips." "She's exceptionally happy, but she bumps into the furniture a lot." "Just like my mom." "Where do you think I got the pills?" " So they are Miltowns?" " No." "No, Midols... for cramps." "Ah." "My ma doesn't get cramps anymore, she gets subpoenas." " What?" " She and my dad are constantly slugging it out in court." "It's a situation I don't like being in the middle of." "I know." "It's not much fun." "Oh, you know what is fun though?" "Codeine and rubber cement." "I can be a lot of fun." "No doubt." "I have a reputation for being sort of wild and loose." "You got..." "Co-Could I have another Midol?" "Thanks." "Would you like to come up to my room later?" "Ah, you're allowed to have boys in your dorm?" "Of course not." "But there's a secret door I'll show you." "You won't get caught." "Well I'd love it if I got caught." "Yeah." "I've tried and tried to get kicked out of St. Ambrose, but... my grandfather, he'd just get me kicked right back in." "He's head of the board of trustees." "Why don't you like the school?" "I don't fit in." "It's..." "All the guys at St. Ambrose are marchin' off the same cliff, you know." "The seat on the stock exchange." "The wife." "The three-point-two children." " Yeah." "The colonial." "The collie." " Yeah." "How you feeling?" "No cramps." "Gee whiz." "Look in his eyes." "Gee whiz." "How they hypnotize." "He's got everything." "It's been a long time." "Yeah." "You seem taller." "No." "I'm the same." "Gee whiz." "Verena, you may not abandon your date." "That's the rule." "But Abby left him." "I'll take care of Mr. Frost until Abby gets back." "Now go and be a proper hostess to Mr. Bateman." "Have you seen the new science building?" "This is great." "Every 15 minutes I get a new date." "Verena." "That's Hungarian, right?" " But then it'd be, Verena." " Excuse me," " See I..." " I have to set up the refreshments." "I love that guy." "Gee whiz." " My valentine" " So... we're really gonna do it this time?" "Yeah." "I mean, if you still want to." "Are you kidding?" " Did you bring, um..." " Yeah." "Bourbon, and, ah..." "Conceptive foam?" "Dennis, I thought you were going to bring, you know, rubbers." "This is something new." "The girl puts it in." "Eew." "I can't read this." "Okay." "Here's the diagram." "I think you have to lie back with... your knees up to get it in." "Look out, Jerry Look out." "There's a big bad bird that's flyin'high." " It's good to see you." " Twist that pony Do the bird with me." "Aye yah yah yah yah yah." "Twist that pony Do the bird with me." "Aye yah yah yah yah yah." " Looks like this dance is, ah, going pretty good, huh?" " She's lookin' at ya." "Are you gonna ask that guy to dance?" "Do the bird Do the bird." " Do the shimmy shimmy" " Do the bird, do the bird." "Do the bird Do the bird." " Come on we're gonna" " Twist and ride." "Pony ride shake and shout." "Harder and harder." "Hey, baby, do the bird with me." "Yes." "Come on, baby, to the sky up above." " Some libation, please." " Yah yah yah yah yah." "This is special stuff we made just for you." "If you want some more, ask for the mystery punch." " It's spiked." " Masterly." "D-Did you guys taste the punch?" "Come on." "Let's go get some more." "Hold the applicator firmly upright... and apply pressure downwards." "I am." "Did you shake it well?" "Give it to me." "Okay." "Good going, Dennis." "Maybe we could get it in with a spoon." "The girls would move into this house." "I want to inform you that I was not born yesterday." "I know precisely what is going on here." " I beg your pardon." " This whole scheme was cooked up... by Harvey Sawyer and his real estate buddies." "They want to buy this campus for subdivision." "This has nothing to do with me, or with you, for that matter." "The merger is a fait accompli." " We must forge on and look on the positive side." " There is no positive side." "With all due respect, Miss McVane, I think you were born yesterday." "I fail to see any way... that Miss Godard's benefits from an association with St. Ambrose..." "We have a rich and very generous alumni." " That should be enough for you." " It's a bottom-of-the-heap school... for boys who are too dumb or unruly to..." "I'll have to report to the trustees that you and I are unable to work together." "Of course, one of us... will be removed." "I apologize." "Please forgive me." "Wouldn't you be happier if you resigned?" "I can't." "Miss Godard's... is my home." "I know that feeling." "That your love's untrue." " You're all done?" " Uh-huh." "Come on, beautiful." "Let's begin the beguine." "Later, Car Wreck." "First, suck on this." "But now you come to me sayin'." "Baby, I'm gonna leave ya." "And I'm beggin'ya this time, darlin' don't make me believe ya." " Baby, baby, baby, baby" " Don't, don't, don't, don't." " Baby, baby, don't play with my heart" " Don't, don't." "Look at Tinka." "She's at it again." "Do you know you can tell the way a person is by the texture of the skin... on the back of their hand." "It's very soft." "You're sensitive and refined." "Ooh." "It's rough." "Yeah." "I'm callous and unfeeling." "Get out, you." "Theresa..." "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "Break it up, please." " Is there somewhere where we could be alone?" " We could try the gym." " Bring him to me" " Masterly." "Bring him to me." "I'm asking God in His house." "And the angels above." "To send me, send me, send me." " Oh!" " Poor Abby." "This is not your night." "Better go change." "You stay away from my date." "I am warning you!" " Verena." " My friends all tell me." " Go to him, run to him" " What is wrong with that Frost boy?" " And tell him" " He's a perpetual problem, that one." " He's all wrong" " Get him outta here." "Go!" "Go!" "He's in my heart I know it But it's so hard to show it" "'Cause it's easier." "Easier said than done." "My body's tellin'me fight with him sigh to him." "Tell him I would die for him and tell him." "He's the one." " Come on." " Although he gives me a feeling that sets my heart a reelin'." "Yeah, it's easier easier said than done." " Well, I know that I love him so" " I know." "Hey, girl I want you to know" " l-l-I'll stop if you want me to." " Yeah." "No." " If you go" " Bye-bye, baby." "And, hey, girl." " Did you hear something?" " No." "Something deep inside of me is going." "To die." "If this is good-bye." " No, I beg you, please" " Bye-bye, baby." "Don't go away." "Masterly." "No, no, no, no, no no, no, don't." " Don't go away" " Bye-bye, baby." " Hey, hey, hey" " Just keep your mouth shut." "Schumacher." "You owe me 80 bucks." "We got the photos." "We got..." " How big were the nay-nays?" " They were like watermelons." "No." "No." "I don't know about that one." "Maybe more like kumquats." " Hey, who are you guys?" " Want something, fellas?" "Get 'em!" " What's the matter, Tweety?" " I'm fat and ugly and I wanna throw up." "Hey, what happened, honey?" "I hate them." "They took pictures." " The pigs." " Who?" " Which one of you is Todd Winslow?" " Not me." "Is one of you Todd Winslow?" "Take it easy, fellas." "Sir, I want to report one of these boys." "You need a break from this hormonal nightmare." "Shall we?" "Sir, this boy, he did something horrible to Theresa Goldberg." "His name is Todd Winslow, and I can't find him." "We'll call the FBI." "Excuse me, sir." "May I cut in?" "Snake." "How did you get in here?" "You're so beautiful I could eat your teeth." "Where'd you get these clothes?" "Ah, some preppy gave 'em to me after I beat him up." "Todd Winslow?" "You beat up Todd Winslow?" "Oh, you sweetheart." "Tinka in my arms." "I must be dreaming." "Pinch me." "I'll show ya where." "And be my lady." "Mind if I cut in?" " Oh, my love, love, love" " You're attractive, really." "Nice jacket." "Hey, get lost." " Day, it is so lonely" " Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, now." "Might forget it." "So blue." " Time is all." " Verena." "You're not supposed to be awake." " I'm probably not." " Oh, rats." "Couldn't you just sort of... pass out again?" "I probably would if you kiss me." "I have to go clean up the refreshments." "Is this really your room?" "I wouldn't take you for a Liberace fan." "Love him." "Listen, I'll be right back and we'll have us a wild time." "L-I'm chilly." "Could you tuck me in?" "Hey." "Who are those boys?" " Come on!" "We gotta go." "We've been spotted." " Bye, honey." " I can't leave you." " I know a place we can go." "Come on." "Don't give up." "I mean, even if you got pregnant I'd marry you." "Why?" "I've imagined it, haven't you?" "Would we live in a colonial with two cars and a collie?" "Sounds okay to me." "Do you believe in centralized government or state's rights?" "I'd just like to know who I'm marrying." "I get the distinct impression you don't wanna do this anymore." "I just keep thinking that you don't know me." "What are you talkin' about?" "I mean..." "What's there to know?" " Hey." " Okay." "Well." "What a convenient trysting place." "And right over our heads." "Sir, ah..." "This is, ah..." "This is my fault." "It was totally my idea." "It's clear to me that she..." "lured you here... put you in a state of desire." "Oh, you're not to blame for answering your impulses." "Ah, but-but, sir, she-she's..." "Young man, you'd better get back to the dance." "Dennis, don't go!" "I would like to deal with Miss Sinclair alone." "She is in a lot of trouble." "Hey, Dennis!" "How'd it go?" "Come on, critters." "Cozy." "Much nicer than those sterile conference rooms." "Go ahead." "Get me expelled." "I don't care." "And lose a gifted student?" "And yet you should be punished." "I think we can come to some kind of..." "private arrangement." " Get 'im!" "Get 'im!" " Who are you?" "How would you like us to dispose of him, madam?" "Stop it!" "Stop it, I say." "Stop." "No!" " Three, two, one!" " No!" " Wait there for Miss McVane!" " Jesus Christ!" "Fellas, please." "At least throw me down some clothes!" "Here ya go." "Go stuff the big kielbasa, Mr. Dewey." "You put your whole foot in You put your whole foot out." "You put your whole foot in and you shake it all about." "You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around." "That's what it's all about." "You put your rocket in." "You put your rocket out You put your rocket in." " Have you seen my date?" " No, have you seen my husband?" " You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around" " No." " That's what it's all about." " Excuse me." "Did your date go off with my date?" "Hey, put your whole date in!" "You put your whole date in." "You put your whole date in and you shake it all about." "You're all just a bunch of... dirty heads." "Ladies and gentlemen." "The dance is over!" "Excuse me." "What are you boys doing?" "Now stop this!" "Calling it a night?" " Yes, Miss McVane." " Where is Verena?" " Gee, I don't know." " Find her!" "You guys, have you seen Verena?" "Is she up here?" " No." " Miss McVane is on a warpath..." " Hey." " Townies?" "Well, at least they're not St. Ambrose boys." "Momo, listen, I'm on your side now." "St. Ambrose bites." "Then help me." "I can't find Verena anywhere." " Okay." "I'll look for her." " Come on." "The concert's about to begin." " Snake, wait here." " Well, you're gonna leave me..." " She's sucking his face off." " He's the king." "I'll be right back." "Oh, schoolmaids." "Heaven is where you are." "Me, may, my, mo, moo." " Are they all accounted for?" " No." "Five boys are missing." " Frost, Dinwiddy, Adams, Schumacher and Todd Winslow." " Well, find Chubb." "No." "No." "I'll find Chubb." "You find those boys." " Did you find Von Stefan?" " No." "I even checked her dorm room." "Something untoward is about to happen." "I can feel it." "I better go." "The concert." "Well, what about me?" "I have to get caught in your bed." "Oh... someone will come along." "You could start screaming like you just came into your room." "Well, actually... this isn't my room." "I knew you couldn't be a Liberace fan." "I really gotta go." "But... even after you're expelled and everything," " will you write to me?" " Oh, yeah." "Psst." "Need to sober up?" "Yeah." "That punch was diabolical... and I need to sing my solo." "Take a swig of this and pass it along to the others." " What is it?" " Hair of the bird that bit ya." "Takes a few minutes to work." "Psst." "You know what you need to sober up?" " Take a swig of this, pass it along to the other guys..." " What are you guys doin' here?" "It's time for our entrance." "Pass this on down, man." "She's not coming back, Snake." " She's ditched you." " Dead on the road." "But she kissed me." "Girls get very kissy right before they give you the shaft." " Yeah." "Severance pay." " Yeah, you're right." "What's..." "Outrageous!" "They've all been drinking!" "I dream ofJeannie with the..." "My dress!" " What do we got here?" " We got three." "We got boxers." "Boxers again." "Briefs." "Cool tool." "I'm a nature photographer myself." "On the bus, Cooper!" "Don't you smart me again." "On that bus, young man." "Get..." "Oh." "Frost, you wipe that smile off your face." "Where were you?" "Headmaster." "I hope you will discipline this... human debris." "Let me assure you, they will return to St. Ambrose... only to pack!" "Frank?" "Who's in there?" "Well, Frank, that about does it for me." "They're gone." "I'd rather be devoured by rats... than be in the same school with Todd Winslow." "It'll never happen now." "That was so brilliant what you and Verena did." "God, where is Verena?" "Odie, what's wrong?" "What happened?" "You understand why you can no longer attend Miss Godard's?" "Of course, the boy will be expelled too." "Your father will pick you up this afternoon." "We'll send your records on to any school you apply to." "Mr. Dewey is leaving us as well, if that cheers you." " More tea?" " No, thank you." "Cigarette?" " Sure." " Catch." "Quite a debacle, the St. Ambrose choir dance." "Boys drinking liquor, heaving up all over the stage..." "I'd say they had too many of your refreshments." " My refreshments?" " I have no proof, as usual, but these events have a certain style I've come to identify with your handiwork." "I did it for the school." "I know, dear." "I wish it had worked." "But the trustees are going to hush up the entire affair... and proceed with plans for coeducation." "I shall announce it to the school before summer vacation." " No." "Won't be the first time women have had to marry for money." "You betrayed us." "No." "No." "Miss Godard's was betrayed by her own." "Year after year, I've been on my knees... groveling to the alumnae for handouts, five dollars here, ten dollars there... big spenders..." "The men give generously to their schools." "It's a solid investment." "They're ensuring that a steady supply of the nation's leaders will be men." "Maybe you women don't give because deep down you know it's useless." "I might as well been teaching needlepoint and gardening, instead of physics and government." "Twenty-eight years of work," " just so I can kiss some headmaster's ass." " Miss McVane!" "You're right to be afraid." "Because after the men plant their flag in this school, they'll bury us." "It'll be subtle and insidious, as is in real life." "I may be at the end of the road here, but you're young... and you have the talent and power to lead." "Don't stop the fight." "Wherever you go, Verena, don't give up." "I'm counting on you." "Good-bye." "Just because I'm leaving doesn't mean we have to stop helping each other." "I mean, we're joined forever." "The D.A.R. Lives." "No more little white gloves." "Okay." "Everybody out." "I gotta pack." "I don't see how you can sit on a horse if Dennis did his job correctly." "Dennis was a dead loss." "Well, you'll have the St. Ambrose doofus population to keep you company." "No." "It didn't work?" "The school's going coed." "Miss McVane is gonna announce it on Prize Day." "It's over." "Don't be so sure." " What do you mean?" " Never mind." "Good-bye, Verena." "Hey, I'll buy your magazine, okay?" "If you ever run for anything, let me know." "I'll fix the competition." "Okay." "Verena's gone." "St. Ambrose is taking over." "Next year I'm going to have to face Todd Winslow every day at breakfast." "I want to retch and die!" "They're going to pull down our grade curve." "They're going to pull down more than that." "Ladies, it's time to put on our thinking caps." "And that concludes our..." "Prize Day ceremony." "I know you're all anxious to get started with your summer, but you must attend final classes." "And I wish you all a happy vacation." "Before you go, ah, there is some important news." "Indeed so important that Mrs. Sawyer, president of Miss Godard's Board of Trustees, is here this morning to tell you herself." "Good morning." "I am very excited to be standing here on the threshold of... as it were a new era." "Next year, this school will admit... for the first time..." "members of the opposite sex." "Specifically, Miss Godard's... will unite with St. Ambrose Academy... to form a single school on their campus in Stoneytown, New Hampshire." "A letter was sent to your parents this morning outlining the details of this..." " Mother, no!" " Quiet, please." "Our faculties will combine, but our administrations will be separate." "Attention!" "Attention, I have something to say." "Everybody listen." " Just be quiet." " Hey, listen to Odie." "She's got an idea." "We have been gypped." "Some of you may think this school going coed is a great idea." "Others of you may think it's horrendous." "But right now the point is that the Board of Trustees doesn't care what you think." "Did they ever consult us?" "No." " Did they ever ask us what we wanted?" " No." "No." " We're only a pawn in their game." " What is going on here?" "They teach us self-government... and then they disenfranchise us." " That's true." " They teach us to take ourselves seriously... and then they act as if we don't count." "Well, hey, I say this eats the big one." "We count." " Yeah." " We wanna vote." "It's our future." "They expect us to stand around and be docile and meek... in our little white gloves while they wield absolute power." "Well, I say, "No more little white gloves."" " Let's hear it." "Do you wanna vote?" " Yeah!" "Then demand to vote!" "Follow me to the dorms... and we'll lock ourselves in until they agree to our terms!" "Come on, everybody." "Let's go!" "What about it, Page?" "Wanna give these kids a vote?" "Don't be absurd." "Anybody that doesn't go back to class immediately will be suspended!" "Abby." "Abigail, you have an insurrection on your hands." "Let's see how you handle yourself in a crisis." "Mother, up your ziggie with a wah-wah brush." "Now, girls..." "Okay, now these go to the parapet, third floor." "Go!" "You call all the newspapers." "You call the New York Times." "You call Life Magazine and the Herald Tribune." " My dad owns that." " Really?" "Okay, then you call the Herald Tribune." "Ladies, no vote is possible." "The decision of the trustees is final." "Will you please come out now:" "Or you all face suspension." ""A voice and a vote." "Don't trust the trustees. " What?" "I want you to break through that door and clear the building." "I don't care if you have to pick them up and carry them out one by one." "In two hours, their parents will be arriving to take them home for vacation." "In two hours, this situation must be under control!" "Yes, ma'am." "Out, or we start swinging!" "Now, miss, put that down." "Vote!" "Vote!" "Okay." "Come on." "Move it right up here to the front." "No." "No." "You-You are trespassing on private property." " And I happen to..." " Okay." "I got it." "The board of trustees has sold this school down the river." "They want us to go coed with the St. Ambrose Academy, which is notorious for their drunken behavior, loose morals and lousy singing." " Tinka?" " Tinka!" "There must be some way to get them out of there." "Well, there's tear gas." "But they're just a bunch of little girls, ma'am." "They are not just a bunch of girls." "They are Miss Godard's girls..." " they're organized!" " Well, we could surround the building... and come in from all sides, if you don't mind us breaking a few windows." " Do it!" "Go on!" " No!" "All right, girls." "Okay, girls, next to them." "Back 'em up." "Let's go!" "Let's get out of here!" "Please." "Please." "Please." "Parents will please convene in the chapel, where Mrs. Sawyer will answer all your questions." " Me!" "Marsha!" " Face the music, Page." "I'm going into the dorm to talk with the girls." "Ah, to the chapel." "Doesn't 75 years of history mean anything to you?" " You can't railroad this..." " Our bylaws state that the board of trustees..." "I know you all feel left out of the process." "But legally the trustees can take any action they choose." "You have no rights!" "And neither do I." "If you don't like their decision, all you can do is not come back next year." "And all I can do is quit!" "These are your choices." "It doesn't have to be like that." "We can amend the bylaws." "We want to elect our own student representative." "We can do that right now." "Then all the students will vote on coeducation..." " and it will count as one trustee vote." " They won't permit that." "Otherwise, we won't move from here." "And we have enough canned food to last us here for months." "We've got the ballots ready." " No, Odette." "Right, everybody." " Please." " No, Odette!" " Please!" "Miss McVane," "Miss Godard's gave us a voice so now it's kind of hard to shut up." "This is all rather new to me." "Carry on, Odette." "Now, this may seem pretty simple, but now it's time to decide how you really feel about Miss Godard's." "Some of you may think of this place as a prison, some old-fashioned prude's idea about keeping us out of trouble... because we can't be trusted to look out for ourselves." "And you think times have changed and we can hold our own with boys." "So you'll vote "yes" on coeducation." "Miss Godard's will disappear like the dinosaurs." "Now, for others of you, you think this place has brought out the best in you." "In here they give you the nerve to reach into yourself and pull out your colors... and wave them as high as you can." "So, you'll vote "no" on changing this place." "Because to you, Miss Godard's isn't a prison at all." "It's a place to be free." "And the results of the informal student vote are as follows:" "For coeducation, 77 votes." "Against, 115." "And they have chosen Odette Sinclair as their representative, should the board of trustees decide to admit one student member." "And, in addition, they want to help the school out of its financial troubles." "Each one of them, without hesitation, has donated whatever she can... from her personal savings account." "I have checks here amounting to $3,000." "Now, maybe that's a paltry amount, but their generosity just about broke my heart." "And I am sure that if parents and alumnae follow their example, we can solve whatever budget problems we have... very, very soon:" "These are your daughters." "You can be proud." " You're in trouble." " We're going home, honey." "Yes, there's been quite a turn of events." "The main mutiny is over... and the "rebelettes" are going home." "And the president of the board of trustees and her husband has resigned as well." "It's all far too much excitement for me." "I don't know why you young girls have such a great appetite for drama." "Still, I am glad you all stopped them..." "From rushing into this coeducation." "In many ways, the old ways are the best ways." "Oh, by the way, the Wheelwright boy will be back in town for the holidays, and I thought since his parents and I are such great friends, that it was high time the two of you were introduced." " Those cuties have fun can't wait to get home" " Bye, Odie!" " Bye, Momo." "Bye, Tweety." " Bye, Odie!" " Bye!" "See ya next year." " Odious!" " Verena!" " We drove down as soon as we heard the news on the radio." "You were brilliant." " This is Frosty." " Hi." "Guess what?" "We both got accepted to Chancery." " We're going to be going there in September." " Hmm." "Coed school will be a nice change." "Excuse us, please." "You hypocrite." "I thought you said you hated boys." "I know." "But I've been thinking." "Perhaps they're like dogs." "If we don't take them in, they run wild and they're a danger to society." "Verena, up yours with a Breck bottle." "Bye, guys!" "Bye!" " Bye!" " Girlfriends ... for life." "Girlfriends ... for life." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" "Talkin'about my girlfriends ... for life" "Girlfriends ... for life" "Girlfriends ... for life" "The goin' gets tough" "We ain't no fluff Struttin' our stuff with girlfriends" "Shampooed and curl Mascara and pearls" "What's that word, we're girlfriends ... for life" "Girlfriends ... for life" "Girlfriends ... for life" "Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah" "I hear Stacy went out with him" "What, is she crazy?" " There she is" " She's walkin' kinda funny" " Let's ask her" " Hey, Stacy, what's new?" "Met a boy so sweet" "He took me out last week" "For a movie and a dinner" "Then we parked on a dead-end street" "He said I've got a present for you" "I thought my dreams were all coming true" "I closed my eyes" "I fantasized" "I held out my hand" "Waited for my big surprise" "Was it a diamond ring?" " Or a brand-new dress?" " Perfume, I bet" "Well, can't you guess?" "Oh, oh, oh, oh" "A hairy bird" "What could I say?" "So new to romance" " I looked up at his face" " Don't look down" "I looked down at his pants" "When a guy asks for the proof of your love" "Do you spit out your gum?" "Do you put on a glove?" "What are the rules?" "The etiquette?" "All the things Mama told me are inappropriate" "Girl, what are ya carrying' on about?" "Come on, talk English" "Do I have to spell it out?" "Oh, oh, oh, oh" "A hairy bird" "So, how big was it?" "Well, smaller than a mailbox" "But bigger than one of those little cocktail things" " Was it long?" " Well, pretty long" "But he's not Vlad the Impaler" "Go on, go on" " Go on" " Okay" "So, I thought what would it hurt" "One little bite" "But on your wedding day" " You couldn't wear white" " Oh, no" "I jumped out of his car like a comet" "And I guess I must have slammed the door on it" "Look out, look out, look out" "Oh, oh, oh, oh" "A hairy bird" "Everybody, have you heard the word?" "She slammed the door and she crushed that bird" "Oh, oh, oh, oh" "The hairy bird" " Everybody, have you heard the word?" " Oh, oh, oh" " She slammed the door and she crushed that bird" " Oh, oh" " Oh, oh, oh, oh" " The hairy bird" " Everybody, have you heard the word?" " Oh, oh, oh" "She slammed the door and she crushed that bird"