"If you want to know who we are," "We are gentlemen of Japan." "On many a vase and jar," "On many a screen and fan," "We figured in lively paint." "Our attitude's queer and quaint." "You're wrong if you think it ain't." "Oh!" "If you think we are worked by strings," "Like a Japanese marionette," "You don't understand these things." "It is simply Court etiquette." "Perhaps you suppose this throng" "Can't keep it up all day long?" "If that's your idea, you're wrong," "Oh!" "Oh!" "If that's your idea, you're wrong" "If you want to know who we are," "We are gentlemen of Japan:" "On vase and jar, On screen and fan," "On many, many, many, many, Many, many, many, many a jar," "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "On vase and jar, On screen and fan." "[ Applause ]" "Gentlemen, I pray you tell me" "Where a gentle maiden dwelleth named Yum-Yum," "The ward of Ko-Ko?" "In pity speak, oh speak I pray you!" "Why, who are you who ask this question?" "Come gather round me, and I'll tell you." "A wandering minstrel I A thing of shreds and patches," "Of ballads, songs and snatches, And dreamy lullaby!" "My catalogue is long, Through every passion ranging," "And to your humours changing I tune my supple song!" "I tune my supple song!" "Are you in sentimental mood?" "I'll sigh with you," "Oh, sorrow!" "On maiden's coldness do you brood?" "I'll do so, too." "Oh, sorrow, sorrow!" "I'll charm your willing ears With songs of lovers' fears," "While sympathetic tears My cheeks bedew." "Oh, sorrow, sorrow!" "But if patriotic sentiment is wanted," "I've patriotic ballads cut and dried;" "For where'er our country's banner may be planted," "All other local banners are defied!" "Our warriors, in serried ranks assembled," "Never quail — or they conceal it if they do —" "And I shouldn't be surprised if nations trembled" "Before the mighty troops, the troops of Titipu." "[ Chorus ] We shouldn't be surprised if nations trembled, trembled with alarm" "Before the mighty troops, The troops of Titipu!" "And if you call for a song of the sea," "We'll heave the capstan around," "With a yeo heave ho, for the wind is free," "Her anchor's a-trip and her helm's a-lee," "Hurrah for the homeward bound!" "[ Chorus ] Yeo-ho — heave ho —" "Hurrah for the homeward bound!" "To lay aloft in a howling breeze" "May tickle a landsman's taste," "But the happiest hour a sailor sees" "Is when he's down, at an inland town," "With his Nancy on his knees, yeo ho!" "And his arm around her waist!" "[ Chorus ] Then man the capstan — off we go," "As the fiddler swings us round," "With a yeo heave ho, And a rum below," "Hurrah for the homeward bound!" "With a yeo heave ho," "And a rum below, Yeo-ho, heave ho," "Yeo-ho, heave ho, Heave ho, heave ho, yeo-ho!" "A wandering minstrel I" "A thing of shreds and patches," "Of ballads, songs and snatches," "And dreamy lullaby!" "And dreamy lulla-lullaby," "[ All ] Of dreamy lullaby," "Lullaby!" "[ Applause ]" "And what may be your business with Yum-Yum?" "I'll tell you." "A year ago I was a member of the Titipu town band." " It was my duty to take the caps round for contributions." " Ah." "While discharging this delicate office I saw Yum-Yum." "We loved each other at once, but she was betrothed to her guardian Ko-Ko, a cheap tailor, and I saw that my suit was hopeless." "[ Audience laughs ] Overwhelmed with despair," "I quitted the town." "Judge of my delight when a month ago I learned that Ko-Ko had been condemned to death for flirting!" "I hurried back at once, in the hope of finding Yum-Yum at liberty to listen to my protestations." "It is true that Ko-Ko was condemned to death for flirting, but he was reprieved at the very last moment and raised to the exalted rank of Lord High Executioner under the following remarkable circumstances:" "Our. great Mikado, virtuous man, When he to rule our land began," "Resolved to try a plan whereby Young men might best be steadied." "So he decreed, in words succinct, That all who flirted, leered or winked,..." "Unless connubially linked,..." "Should forthwith be beheaded, Beheaded, behea....ed." "And forthwith be beheaded." "And I am sure you'll all agree That he was right to so decree" "And I am right and you are right, And all is right as right to be!" "[ Chorus ] And you are right, And we are right, We all are right." "And are we right to right to be?" "Right as right can be." "This stern decree, you'll understand, Caused great dismay throughout the land!" "For young and old and shy and bold Were equally affected." "The youth who winked a roving eye, Or breathed a non-connubial sigh," "Was thereupon condemned to die..." "Ah!" "He usually objected." "Objected, objec...ted." "He usually objected." "And you'll allow, as I expect, That he was right to so object." "And I am right and you are right, And everything is quite correct!" "[ Chorus ] And you are right, And we are right," "And everything is quite corrected." "And everything is quite correct" "All is quite correct." "And so we straight let out on bail A convict from the county jail," "Whose head was next on some pretext Condemnëd to be mown off," "And made him Headsman, for we said, 'Who's next to be decapited" "Cannot cut off another's head Until he's cut his own off.'" "Hisownoff His own... off." "Until he's. cut...ha!" "..." "his own off!" "And we are right, I think you'll say to argue in this kind of way" "And I am right And you are right" "And all is right, too-loorallay" "And you are right And we are right" "And all is right, too-loora-loorallay" "And I am right And you are right" "And all..." "Is right" "[ Applause ]" "Ko-Ko, the cheap tailor, Lord High Executioner of Titipu." "Why, that's the highest rank a citizen can attain." "It is." "Our logical Mikado," "Ho!" "Mikado." "[ Laughter ] seeing no moral difference between the dignified judge... who condemns a criminal to die... and the industrious mechanic who carries out the sentence... has rolled the two offices into one... and every judge is now his own executioner." "Chop, chop!" "[ Sniff ] Brilliant concept, N'est pas?" "Oh, but how good of you, for I can see that you are a nobleman of the highest rank... to condescend to tell all this to me, a mere strolling minstrel." "Don't mention it." "I am, in point of fact... a particularly haughty and exclusive individual" " of pre-Adamite ancestral descendent." " No!" " Yeow...suh." "You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my family ancestry back, back, back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule." " Really?" " Yeow...suh!" "Consequently, my family pride is something quite, quite inconceivable." "[ Haughty laughter ]" "Well, I can't help it." "I was born sneering. [ Sniff ]" "But I struggle hard to overcome this one defect." "I mortify my pride continually." "Why, when all the great officers of state resigned in a body because they were too proud to serve under an ex-tailor [ Sniff ] did I not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once?" " And the salaries attached to them?" " I beg your pardon?" " You did." " Eh yeow...suh!" "It is consequently my degrading duty to serve this upstart Ko-Ko as First Lord of the Treasury," "Lord Chamberlain, Attorney General, Chancellor of the Exchequer," "First Minister of Sports and Cultural Affairs," "First Minister of Health and Welfare," "First Minister of Transportation and Communication," "Leader of the Caucus and Plenary Sessions," "Head Groom and Scooper of the Imperial Palatial Polo Pony." "Lord High Snitch to the Mikado, Ho!" "Mikado." "Oh!" "Archbishop of Titipu and Lord Mayor, both acting and elect." "All these and more rolled into one." "And at a salary." "Uh hmm." "A Pooh-Bah paid for his services." "I, a salaried minion!" "And I do it." "It revolts me, but I do it." " And it does you credit." " Uh hmm." "But I don't just stop at that." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." "I go and dine with middle-class people on reasonable terms." "I dance at cheap suburban parties for a moderate fee." "I accept refreshments from any hand, however lowly." "I also retail state secrets for a very low figure." "For instance, any further information regarding Yum-Yum would come under the head of state secret." "Sah!" "Sah!" "Sah!" "Sah!" "Another insult, but, I think a light one." "Young man, despair, Likewise go to," "Yum-Yum the fair You must not woo" "It will not do:" "I'm sorry for you" "You very imperfect ablutioner!" "This very day From school Yum-Yum" "Will wend her way, And homeward come," "With beat of drum And a rum-tum-tum," "To wed the Lord High Executioner!" "And the brass will crash, And the trumpets bray" "And they'll cut a dash On their wedding day" "She'll toddle away, as all aver, With the Lord High Executioner!" "[ Duet ] And the brass will crash And the trumpets bray" "And they'll cut a dash On their wedding day" "[ Chorus ] She'll toddle away, as all aver, With the Lord High Executioner!" "[ Wheeo ]" "It's a hopeless case, As you may see," "And in your place Away I'd flee;" "But don't blame me - I'm sorry to be" "Of your pleasure a diminutioner." "They'll vow their pact Extremely soon," "In point of fact This afternoon." "Her honeymoon With that buffoon" "At seven commences, so you shun her!" "And the brass will crash, And the trumpets bray" "And they'll cut a dash On their wedding day" "She'lltoddleaway,asallaver,  With the Lord High Executioner!" "[ Chorus ] And the brass will crash, And the trumpets bray" "And they'll cut a dash On their wedding day" "She'lltoddleaway,asallaver,  With the Lord High Executioner!" "[ Commotion and laughter ]" "And I have journeyed for a month, or nearly," "To learn that Yum-Yum, whom I love so dearly," "This day to Ko-Ko is to be united!" "The fact appears to be as you've recited:" "[ Trumpet sounds ]" "But here he comes, equipped as suits his station;" "He'll give you any further. information." "[ Trumpet fanfare ]" "[ Applause ]" "[ Chorus ] Behold the Lord High Executioner" "A personage of noble rank and title" "A dignified and potent officer" "Whose functions are particularly vital" "Defer, defer" "To the Lord High Executioner" "Defer, defer" "To the noble lord To the noble lord" "To the Lord High Executioner" "[ Applause ]" "[ Chorus ] Oh!" "[ Chorus ] Ah!" "Taken from a county jail" "By a set of curious chances" "Liberated then on bail" "On me own recognizances" "Wafted by a favoring gale" "As one sometimes is in trances" "To a height that few can scale" "Save by long and weary dances" "Surely never had a male" "Under such like circumstances" "So adventurous a tale" "Which may rank with most romances" " Taken from a county jail" " Taken from a county jail" " By a set of curious chances" " Liberated then on bail" "Surely never had a male So adventurous a tale" "[ Chorus ] Defer, defer" "To the Lord High Executioner" "Defer, defer" "To the noble lord To the noble Lord High Executioner" "Bow down, bow down to the Lord High Executioner" "Defer, defer" "To the noble Lord High Executioner" "[ Applause ]" "Gentlemen, I'm much touched by this reception." "I can only trust that by strict attention to duty" "I shall ensure a continuance of those favours which it will ever be my study to deserve." "If I should ever be called upon to act professionally," "[ Chorus ] Hi!" "Hi." "I am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in finding plenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at large." "As some day it may happen that a victim must be found," "I've got a little list" " I've got a little list" "Of society offenders who might well be underground," "And who never would be missed - who never would be missed!" "There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs " "All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs " "All children who do Rubik's Cube in fifteen seconds flat " "All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that " "And all third persons who on spoiling tête-à-têtes insist " "They never would be missed - they'd none of them be missed!" "[ Chorus ] He's got 'em on the list - he's got 'em on the list." "And they'll none of them be missed - they'll none of them be missed." "There's the sidewalk serenader with his open music case " "And the pseudo-soloist I've got me on the list " "And the orchestra conductor who just now has lost his place " "He never would be missed He never would be missed " "The Canadian who praises with enthusiastic tone " "All centuries but this and every country but his own " "And the lady from the provinces who's seldom out at night " "And who doesn't think she dances until she's rather tight " "And that leading personality the smoking separatist " "I don't think he'd be missed - I'd know he'd not be missed!" "[ Chorus ] He'd want him on the list - He'd want him on the list!" "[ Applause ]" "They might help to know he'd miss him - We'll know he'll not be missed!" "And the people now in Parliament Who regulate our life " "Who on six and five insist I've got them on the list." "Our perennial prime minister, Though not perhaps his wife," "They never would be missed - They never would be missed." "And the geriatrics think but not the never-dying kind," "Such as whatchamacall 'em, Thingamabob and Ronnie - never mind!" "There's funny face, what's his name - Oh, Joe, you know who!" "The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you." "But it really doesn't matter Whom you put upon the list." "For they'd none of 'em be missed - They'd none of 'em be missed!" "[ Chorus ] You may put 'em on the list - You may put 'em on the list;" "And they'll none of 'em be missed - They'll none of 'em be missed!" "[ Applause ]" "Then the patrons of the theatre Who clap their hands in glee " "Or the pseudo-soloists I've got you on the lists." "And the encores of these papis songs Demanded gratis-free." "They never would be missed - Of course you will insist." "The artistical arrangements Of strings re-written to drums." "The fiddle players, trumpeters, and two pianic guns." "Percussionists, pianists, And polyphonics too." "The chorus and principals You must agree they'll do." "So it really doesn't matter If they're not upon the list," "For they surely would be missed." "They surely would be missed." "[ Chorus ] You may leave us on the list - You may leave us on the list." "Though we surely would be missed - We surely would be missed." "[ Applause and cheers ]" "Pooh-Bah." "Whoee." "It seems that the festivities in connection with my approaching marriage must last a week." "Now I should like to do it handsomely, and I want to consult you as to the amount I ought to spend upon them." "Certainly." "In which of my many capacities?" "As first lord of the treasury, lord chamberlain... attorney general, chancellor of the exchequer... privy purse or private secretary?" "Suppose we say as private secretary." "Speaking as your private secretary..." "I should say that, as the city will have to pay for it, don't stint yourself." " Do it well." " Exactly." "As the city will have to pay for it don't stint yourself, do it well." "That is your advice?" "That's what I say speaking as your private secretary." "Since you don't have to pay for it, don't stint yourself, do it well." "Of course, you will understand that as chancellor of the exchequer..." "I am bound to see that due economy is observed." "Oh, but you said just now, "Don't stint yourself." "Do it well."" "Ah so, as private secretary." "And now you say that due economy must be observed." "As chancellor of the exchequer." "I see." "Well, come over here where the chancellor can't hear us." "[ Audience laughter ]" "Now...as my solicitor how do you advise me to deal with this difficulty?" "Hmm, speaking as your solicitor, I should have no hesitation in saying" "Chk Chk, "Chance it."" "Thank you." "I will." "Unless, of course, as your prime minister" "I am bound to see that the law of the land isn't violated yet." "I see, well." "Come over here where the prime minister can't hear us." "Now, then..." "Now, as first lord of the treasury..." "Oh, as first lord of the treasury I could propose a special vote that would cover all expenses - but, then, as leader of the opposition... it would be my duty to resist it tooth and nail." "Or, as paymaster general, I could so cook the accounts... that, as lord high auditor, I should never ever discover the fraud." "[ Laughing and sneering ]" "But, then as archbishop of Titipu... it would be my duty to denounce my dishonesty... and give myself into my own custody as first commissioner of police." "That's extremely awkward." "Yeoww, now, I don't say that all these distinguished people couldn't be squared." "But it would be right to tell you that they wouldn't be sufficiently degraded in their own estimation. [ Sniff ]" "Unless, of course, they were insulted with a very considerable b-r-i-b-e." "[ Slap ]" "The matter shall have my careful consideration." "But my bride and her sisters approach, and any little compliment on your part, such as an abject grovel..." "GROVEL!" "[ Brrrrrrrrr..." "Sniff ] in a characteristic Japanese attitude, would be esteemed a favour." "No money...no grovel." "[ Applause ]" "[ Applause ]" "[Chorus]Comesatrain oflittle ladies  From scholastic trammels free," "Each a little bit afraid is, Wondering what the world can be!" "Is it but a world of trouble Sadness set to song?" "Is its beauty but a bubble Bound to break ere long?" "Are its palaces and pleasures Fantasies that fade?" "And the glory of its treasures Shadow of a shade?" "And the glory of its treasures Shadow of a shade?" "Shadow of a shade?" "Schoolgirls we, eighteen and under, From scholastic trammels free," "And we wonder - how we wonder!" "And we wonder - how we wonder!" "What on earth the world can be!" "What on earth the world can be!" "[ All sigh ]" "[ Applause ]" "Three little maids from school are we" "Pert as a schoolgirl well can be" "Filled to the brim with girlish glee" "Three little maids from school" "Everything is a source of fun" "Nobody's safe, for we care for none" "Life is a joke that's just begun" "Three little maids from school" "Three little maids who all unwary come from a ladies' seminary" "Freed from its genius tutelary" "Three little maids from school" "Three little maids from school" "One little maid is a bride, Yum-Yum" "Two little maids in attendance come" "Three little maids is the total sum" "Three little maids from school" "From three little maids take one away" "Two little maids remain, and they" "Won't have to wait very long they say" " Three little maids from school" " Three little maids from school" "Three little maids who all unwary come from a ladies' seminary" "Freed from its genius tutelary" "Three little maids from school" "Three little maids from school" "[ Laughter ]" "[ Screams of delight and laughter]" "[ All ] Oh!" "Three little maids from school" "Three little maids who all unwary come from a ladies' seminary" "Freed from its genius tutelary" "Three little maids from school" "Three little maids from school" "Three little maids from school" "[ Applause ]" "[ Ko-Ko ] Oh, at last." "[ Screams of delight and laughter]" "Oh, my little bride that is to be." "Oh, but you're not going to kiss me before all these people?" "Well, that was the idea." " It seems odd, doesn't it?" " It's rather peculiar." "Oh, I expect it's all right." "Must have a beginning, you know." "Well, of course." "I know nothing about these things." "But I've no objection..." "if it's usual." "Oh, it's quite usual..." "I think." "Eh, Lord Chamberlain?" "I have known it done." "[ Kiss ]" "Thank goodness that's over." " Nanki-Poo!" " Oh, Nanki-Poo!" "[ Enters singing ]" " I'm so glad!" " I haven't seen you for ever so long!" "I've come home for good." "And I'm not going back anymore!" "I beg your pardon." "Will you present me?" " [ All ] Oh, this is the gentleman..." " One at a time, if you please." "Sir, I have the misfortune to love your ward, Yum-Yum." "Oh, I know I deserve your anger!" "Anger?" "Not a bit, my boy." "Why, I love her myself." "Charming little girl, isn't she?" "Pretty eyes, nice hair." "Taking little thing altogether." "Very glad to hear my opinion backed by a competent authority." "Thank you very much." "Good-bye." "Take him away." "[ Sounds of despair ]" "I beg your pardon, but what is this?" "Customer come to try-on?" "You are looking at a family tree." "Snarr!" "[ Screams ]" "Go away, little girl." "Can't talk to a little girl like you." "Now, go away, there's a dear." "Allow me to present you, Pooh-Bah." "These are my three wards and this is my bride elect." "What do you want me to do to them, chop-chop?" "Mind you, I will not kiss them." " No, no, you shan't kiss them." "A little bow." " BOW!" "[ Brrrrrrrrr ]" "A mere nothing." "You needn't mean it, you know." "Oh, it goes against the grain." "They are not young ladies, they are young persons." "Come, come, make an effort." "There's a good nobleman." "Well I shan't mean it." "[ Sniff ] Oh!" "Oh!" "Sah!" "How de do little girls, how de do?" "[ All girls laughing ]" " [ Kiss ]" " Oh!" "[ All scream ]" "Oh, my protoplasmal ancestor!" "That's what's for me, too." "Shush!" "It is very difficult and painful for me to me to have to say" "'How de do, little girls, how de do?" "'" "I'm not in the habit of having to say 'How de do, how de do' to anyone under the rank of a stockbroker." " [ All laugh ]" " Oh, don't laugh at him." "He can't help it" "He's under treatment for it." "Never mind them, they don't understand the delicacy of your position." "Uh, which delicate position?" "Oh, all of 'em." "He's all right." "Just don't forget." "He simply thrives on etiquette." "[ Girls scream, jump, dance and sing ]" "So please you, sir, we much regret." "If we have failed in etiquette" "Towards a man of rank so high We shall know better by and by." "But youth, of course, must have its fling, So pardon us." "So pardon us." "And don't, in girlhood's happy spring, Be hard on us." "Be hard on us." "If we're inclined to dance and sing, Tra la la la la la...," "But youth, of course, must have it's spring." "So hard on us." "The truth is kind, must have it's spring." "Be hard on us." "But you, of course, will hardly be too hard on us." "Tra la le la le la la la ha, Tra la le la le la la la..." "Tra la le la le la la la ha, Tra la la la la la la la lalalalala..." "la..." "[ Shouting, screaming, dancing ]" "Here.....!" "[ All ] Oh!" "I think you ought to recollect You cannot show too much respect" "Towards the highly titled few;" "But nobody does, and why should you?" "That youth at us should have its fling, Is hard enough, Is hard enough;" "To our prerogative we cling - So pardon us, So pardon us," "If we decline to dance and sing." "Tra la le la le la la la..." "But youth, of course, must have its fling, so pardon us." "The truth is kind, must have it's spring." "Be hard on us." "But youth, of course, must have its fling, so pardon us." "Tra la le la le la la la ha, Tra la le la le la la la..." "Tra la le la le la la la ha, Tra la la la la la la la lalalalala..." "la." "[ Laughing, dancing and screaming ]" "[ Applause ]" "Yum-Yum!" " Oh." " At last we're alone." "Oh." "I've sought you night and day for three weeks in the belief that your guardian was beheaded." "And I find that you're about to be married to him this afternoon." "Alas." "Yes." "But...you do not love him?" "Alas." "No." "Modified rapture!" "But why do you not refuse him?" "What good would that do?" "He is my guardian, and he wouldn't let me marry you." "But I would wait until you were of age!" "You forget that in Japan girls do not arrive at years of discretion until they are fifty." "True, from seventeen to forty-nine are considered years of indiscretion." "But, a wandering minstrel who plays a wind instrument outside teahouses is hardly the fitting husband for the ward of a Lord High Executioner." "Shall I tell her?" "Yes, she'll not betray me!" "What if it should prove that after all I am no musician?" "There!" "I knew it directly I heard you play." "But what if it should prove that I am no other than the son of his Majesty the Mikado?" "The son of the Mikado!" "Ah, Mikado, oh!" "But why is Your Highness disguised?" "And what has Your Highness done?" "And will Your Highness promise never to do it again?" "Some years ago I had the misfortune to captivate Katisha an elderly lady of my father's court." "She misconstrued my customary affability into expressions of affection" " and claimed me in marriage under my father's law." " Huh." "My father, the Lucius Junius Brutus of his race, ordered me to marry her within a week," " or perish ignominiously on the scaffold." " Oh!" "That night I fled his court and, assuming the disguise of a second trombone" "I joined the band in which you found me." "When I had the happiness of seeing you!" "If you please, I think your Highness had better not come too near." "The laws against flirting are excessively severe." "But we are quite alone, and nobody can see us." "Still, that don't make it right!" "To flirt is capital." " It is capital!" " And we must obey the law." "Oh, deuce take the law!" "I wish it would, but it won't!" "If it were not for that, how happy we might be!" "Happy indeed!" "If it were not for the law, we might be sitting side by side, like this." "Instead of being obliged to be sitting half a mile off." "Like this." "We might be gazing into each other's eyes, like this." "Breathing sighs of unutterable love." "[ Both gasp ] Like this." "[ Both sigh ]" "With our arms round each other's waists." "Like this." "Yes, if it wasn't for the law." "If it wasn't for the law." "As it is, of course we couldn't do anything of the kind." "Not for worlds!" "Being engaged to Ko-Ko, you know!" "Being engaged to Ko-Ko!" "Were you not to Ko-Ko plighted" "I would say in tender tone" "Loved one, let us be united" "Let us be each other's own" "I would merge all rank and station" "Worldly sneers are naught to us" "And to mark my admiration" "I would kiss you fondly thus" "[ Ping ]" " I would kiss you fondly thus" " He would kiss me fondly thus" "But as I'm engaged to Ko-Ko To embrace you thus, con fuoco," "Would distinctly be no gioco" "And for that I should get toco" " Toko, - toko, - toko, - toko, - toko, - toko, - toko, - toko - toko." "So, in spite of all temptation" "Such a theme I'll not discuss" "And on no consideration" "Would I kiss you fondly thus" "[ Ping ]" "Would I kiss you fondly thus." "[ Ping ]" "Let me make it clear to you" "This is what I'll never do" "This, oh, this [ Ping ]" "Oh, this [ Ping ] Oh, this [ Ping ]" "This is what I'll never, never do" "[ Both ] This oh this [ Kiss ] Oh this [ Kiss ]." "Oh this [ Kiss ]" "[ Both ] This" " Is what I'll never do" " You'll never do" " I'll never do" " You'll never do" "[ Both ]Oh, this" "[ Both ] This [ Long kiss ] [ Audience laughter ]" "Is what I'll never, never do." "Is what he'll never, never do." "[ Applause ]" "Shhh!" "Oh, there goes Yum-Yum." "To think how entirely my future happiness is wrapped up in that little parcel!" "Ah, matrimony!" "Now then, what is it?" "Well, I'm..." " Can't you see I'm soliloquizing?" "You have interrupted an apostrophe, sir!" "I am the bearer of a letter from His Majesty, the Mikado." "[ All ] Oh, Mikado." "The Mikado?" "What can he have to say to me?" "[ Audience laughs ]" "Ah, here it is at last." "I knew it would come sooner or later." "The Mikado is struck by the fact that no executions have taken place in Titipu for a year." "And decrees that unless somebody is beheaded within one month the post of Lord High Executioner shall be abolished!" "And the city reduced to the rank of a village!" "That would involve us all in irretrievable ruin!" "Yes, there's no help for it." "I shall have to execute somebody at once." "The only question is, who shall it be?" "Well......it seems unkind to say so but as you're already under sentence of death for flirting everything seems to point to you." "To me?" "What are you talking about?" "I can't execute myself." " And why not?" " Why not!" "Because In the first place." "Self-decapitation is extremely difficult, not to say, dangerous thing to attempt." "And in the second, it's suicide." "And suicide's a capital offense." "That is so, no doubt." "We might reserve that point." "True, it could be argued six months hence before the full court." "Besides, I don't see how a man can cut off his own head." "Well, a man might try." "Even if he only succeeded in cutting it half off." "That would be something wrong." "It would be taken as an earnest of your willingness to comply with the Imperial will." " Ah so, Mikado, howee!" " No, no." "Pardon me, but there I am adamant." "As official Headsman, my reputation is at stake, and I can't consent to embark on a professional operation until I see my way clear to a successful result." "And this professional conscientiousness of yours is highly creditable to you, but it places us in a very awkward position." "My good sir, the awkwardness of your position is grace itself compared with that of a man engaged in the act of cutting off his own head." "Well, I'm afraid that unless you can obtain a substitute..." "A substi...a substitue?" "Certainly nothing easier." "Pooh-Bah, I appoint you lord high substitute." "[ Lusty laughter ] I should be delighted!" "Such an appointment would realize my fondest dreams!" "But, no, at any sacrifice" "I must set bounds to my insatiable ambition." "[ POOH-BAH ]" "I am so proud if I allowed" "My family pride to be my guide" "I'd volunteer to quit this sphere" "Instead of you in a minute or two" "But family pride must be denied" "And set aside and mortified" "And mortified" "[ KO-KO ]" "My brain, it teems with endless schemes" "Both good and new for Titipu, for Titipu" "But if I flit the benefit that I'd diffuse the town would lose" "Now every man to aid his clan should plot and plan as best he can" "[ PISH-TUSH ]" "I heard one day a gentleman say" "That criminals who are cut in two" "Can hardly feel the fatal steel" "And so are slain are slain without much pain" "If this is true it's jolly for you" "Your courage screw to bid us adieu" "KO-KO POOH-BAH PISH-TUSH" "My brain it teems" "I am so proud," "I heard one dayI am so proud," "With endless schemes" "If I allowed" "A gentleman say" "Both good and new." "My family pride" "That criminals who" "For Titipu;" "To. be my guide," "Are cut in two" "[ KO-KO ] And so, although I'm ready to go, Yet recollect 'twere disrespect" "Did I neglect to thus effect This aim direct, so I object." "[POOH-BAH] Andso ,althoughIwish togo , And greatly pine to brightly shine," "And take the line of a hero fine, With grief condign I must decline." "[ PISH-TUSH ] And go and show both friend and foe How much you dare." "I'm quite aware" "It' s your affair, yet I declare I'd take your share, But I don't much care." "[ Audience laughter ]" "To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock" "In a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock" "Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock" "From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block" "To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock" "In a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock" "Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock" "From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block" "A dull, dark dock A lifelong lock" "A short, sharp shock A big black block" "To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison" "And awaiting the sensation from a cheap and chippy chopper" "On a big" "Black" "Block." "[ Applause ]" "[ Applause ]" "To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock" "In a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock" "Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock" "From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block" "To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock" "In a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock" "Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock" "From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block" "A dull, dark dock A lifelong lock" "A short, sharp shock A big black block" "To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison" "And awaiting the sensation from a cheap and chippy chopper" "On a big" "Black" "Block." "[ Applause ]" "[ Applause ]" "This is simply appalling!" "I, who allowed myself to be respited at the last moment, simply in order to benefit my native town, am now required to die within a month, and that by a man whom I have loaded with honours!" "Is this public gratitude?" "Is this..." "Go away, sir!" "How dare you?" "Am I never to be permitted to soliloquize?" " Oh, go on." "Don't mind me." "Uh..." "What are you going to do with that rope?" "I'm about to terminate an unendurable existence." "Terminate your existence?" "Nonsense!" "What for?" "Because you're going to marry the girl I adore." "Nonsense, sir." "I won't permit it." "I am a humane man, and if you attempt anything of the kind..." "I shall order your instant arrest." "Come, sir." "Desist at once, or I summon my guard." "Oh, that's absurd." "If you attempt to raise an alarm..." "I instantly perform the happy dispatch with this dagger." "Oh, no!" "No, no!" "This is horrible!" "Now, stop that." "Arhhh!" "You cold-blooded scoundrel." "Are you aware that in taking your life you're committing a crime?" "Which...which.." "Which is... [ Ping ]" "Substitute!" "What's the matter?" "Is it absolutely certain that you're resolved to die?" "Absolutely." " Will nothing shake your resolution?" " Nothing." "Threats, entreaties, prayers - all useless?" "All!" "My mind is made up." "Then, if you really mean what you say, and if you are absolutely resolved to die, and if nothing whatever will shake your determination ...don't spoil yourself by committing suicide..." " but be beheaded handsomely at the hands of the public executioner." " But..." " I don't see how that would benefit me." " You don't?" "Observe." "You'll have a month to live, and you'll live like a fighting cock at my expense." "When the day comes, there'll be a grand public ceremonial." "You will be the central figure." "No one will attempt to deprive you of that distinction." "There'll be a procession, bands, the dead march, bells tolling... all the girls in tears " "Yum-Yum distracted." "Then, when it's all over, general rejoicings... and a display of fireworks in the evening!" "You won't see them, but they'll be there all the same." "Do you think Yum-Yum will really be distracted at my death?" "Oh, I'm convinced of it." "Bless you, she's the most tenderhearted little creature alive." "I should be sorry to cause her pain." "Perhaps, after all, if I were to withdraw from Japan and travel in Europe for a couple of years on account of the Council Grant," "I might contrive to forget her." "Oh, I don't think you could forget Yum-Yum quite so easily." "And, after all, what is more miserable than a love-blighted life?" "True." "Life without Yum-Yum." "Why, it seems absurd." "And yet there are a good many people in the world who have to endure it." "Poor devils, yes!" "You're quite right not to be of their number." "I won't be of their number!" "Noble fellow!" "I'll tell you how we'll manage it." "Let me marry Yum-Yum tomorrow... and in a month you may behead me." "No, no, no, no." "I draw the line at Yum-Yum." "Oh Very well." "If you can draw the line, so can I...." "No!" "Stop!" "For heavens sake!" "Be reasonable." "Be reasonable!" "You'll break your neck!" "How can I consent to your marrying Yum-Yum if I'm going to marry her myself?" "My good friend, she'll be a widow in a month, and you can marry her then." "Yes, that's true, of course." "I quite see that." "But dear me." "My position during the next month will be most unpleasant." "Most unpleasant." "Oh, yes, but not half so unpleasant as my position at the end of it." "Yes,...well...dear me, I..." "Oh, well." "I agree." "After all, it's only putting off my wedding for a month." "But, you won't prejudice her against me, will you?" "You see, I've educated her to be my wife." "And she's been taught to regard me as a wise and good man." "I shouldn't like her views on that point disturbed." "Trust me, she shall never learn the truth from me." "[ Audience laughter and applause ]" "[ Enter Chorus, POOH-BAH, and PISH-TUSH ]" "With aspect stern And gloomy stride" "We come to learn How you decide." "Don't hesitate Your choice to name," "A dreadful fate You'll suffer all the same." "A dreadful fate You'll suffer all the same." "To ask you what you mean to do we punctually appear" "Congratulate me, gentlemen I've found a volunteer" "The Japanese equivalent for hear, hear, hear" "'Tis Nanki-Poo" "Hail, Nanki-Poo" "I think he'll do" "Yes, yes, he'll do" "He yields his life if I'll Yum-Yum surrender" "Now, I adore that girl with passion tender" "And could not yield her with a ready will" "Or her allot if I did not" "Adore myself with passion" "Tenderer still" "With passion tenderer still" "Ah, yes, he loves himself" "With passion tenderer still" "Take her [ Slap, scream ] Not you, POOH." "NANKI-POO" "She's yours" "The threatened cloud has passed all away" "And brightly shines the dawning day" "What though the night may come too soon" "There's yet a month of afternoon" "Then let the throng Then let the throng of joy advance" "With laughing song With laughing song and merry dance" "Then let the throng of joy advance" "With laughing song and merry dance" "With laughing song and merry dance" "With laughing song" "With joyous shout With joyous shout and ringing cheer" "Inaugurate Inaugurate their brief career" "With joyous shout and ringing cheer Inaugurate their brief career" "With joyous shout and cheer" "A day, a week, a month, a year" "Or far or near, or far or near," "Life's eventide comes much too soon," "You'll have at least a honeymoon!" "Then let the throng of joy advance" "With laughing song and merry dance" "Then let the throng of joy advance" "With laughing song and merry dance" "With laughing song and merry dance" "With laughing song" "With joyous shout With joyous shout and ringing cheer" "Inaugurate Inaugurate their brief career" "With joyous shout and ringing cheer Inaugurate their brief career" "With joyous shout and cheer" "With a song, with a song, with a song with a song, with a song, with a song." "[ Applause ]" "As in a month you've got to die" "If Ko-Ko tells us true" "'Twere empty compliment to cry" "Long life to Nanki-Poo" "But as one month you have to live" "As fellow citizen" "This toast with three times three we'll give" "Long life" "Long life to you" "Long life to you" "Long life" "To you" "Till then" "May all good fortune all good fortune prosper you" "May you have health May you have health and riches too" "May all good fortune prosper you May you have health and riches too" "May you succeed in all you do Long life to you till then" "[ Noisy confusion ]" "KATISHA" "Your revels cease" "Assist me, all of you" "[ Chrous ] Why, who is this whose evil eyes rain blight on our festivities" "I claim my perjured lover" "Nanki-Poo" "Oh, fool to shun delights that never cloy" "[ Chrous ] Go, leave thy deadly work undone" "Come back, oh, shallow fool" "Come back to joy" "[ Chrous ] Away, away, ill-favored one" "Ah!" "'Tis Katisha, the maid of whom I told you." "No, you shall not go" "These arms shall thus enfold you" "Oh fool, that fleest My hallowed joys!" "Oh blind, that seest No equipoise!" "Oh rash, that judgest From half, the whole!" "Oh base, that grudgest Love's lightest dole!" "Thy heart unbind, Oh fool, oh blind!" "Give me my place, Oh rash, oh base!" "Thy heart unbind, Give me my place," "Oh fool, oh blind!" "Oh rash, oh base!" "Thy heart unbind, Give me, give me, my place," "[ Chrous ] If she's thy bride, restore her place, Oh fool, oh blind, oh rash, oh base!" "Pink cheek, that rulest Where wisdom serves!" "Bright eye, that foolest Heroic nerves!" "Rose lip, that scornest Lore-laden years!" "Smooth tongue, that warnest Who rightly hears!" "Thy doom is nigh, Pink cheek, bright eye!" "Thy knell is rung, Rose lip, smooth tongue!" "Thy doom is nigh, Thy knell is rung," "Pink cheek, bright eye!" "Rose lip, smooth tongue!" "Thy doom is nigh, Thy knell, thy knell is rung." "[ Chrous ] If true her tale, thy knell is rung, Pink cheek, bright eye, rose lip, smooth tongue!" "[ Chrous ] Thy doom is nigh If true her tale, Thy doom is nigh," "[ Chrous ] Thy knell, thy knell, thy knell" "[ Chorus ] Thy knell is rung!" "[ Applause ]" "Away, nor prosecute your quest" "From our intention well expressed" "You cannot turn us" "The state of your connubial views" "Towards the person you accuse" "Does not concern us" "For" " He's going to marry Yum-Yum" " Yum-Yum" "Your anger pray bury for all will be merry" " I think you had better succumb" " Cumb, cumb" "And join our expressions of glee" " On this subject I pray you be dumb" " Dumb, dumb" "You'll find there are many who'll wed for a penny" " The word for your guidance is "mum"" " Mum, mum" "There's lots of good fish in the sea" "[ Chorus ] On this subject we pray you be dumb Dumb, dumb" "We think you had better succumb Cumb, cumb" "You'll find there are many who'll wed for a penny, who'll wed for a penny" "There's lots of good fish in the sea There are lots of good fish in the sea" "There's lots of good fish good fish in the sea" "There's lots of good fish good fish in the sea, in the sea, in the sea" "In the sea, in the sea" "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la..." "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la..." "[ All ] Ahh!" "The hour of gladness Is dead and gone;" "In silent sadness I live alone!" "The hope I cherished All lifeless lies," "And all has perished, All is perished" "Save love, which never dies, Which never, never dies." "Oh, faithless one, this insult you shall rue!" "In vain for mercy on your knees you'll sue." "I'll tear the mask from your disguising!" "Now comes the blow!" "Prepare yourselves for news surprising!" "How foil my foe?" "No minstrel he, despite bravado!" "Ha!" "ha!" "I know!" "He is the son of your..." "[ Chorus ] O ni!" "bikkuri shakkuri to!" "In vain you interrupt with this tornado" " He is the only son of your..." " [ Chorus ] O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to" " I'll spoil - [ Chorus ] O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to" "Your gay gambado" " He is the son..." " [ Chorus ] O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to" " Of your..." " [ Chorus ] O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to" " The son of your..." " [ Chorus ] O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to" "[ Chorus ] Oh, yar" "[ Chorus ] Oh, yar" "[ Screams ]" "Ye torrents roar!" "Ye tempests howl!" "Your wrath outpour With angry growl!" "Do ye your worst, my vengeance call Shall rise triumphant over all!" "[ Chorus ] We'll hear no more, ill-omened owl" "[ Chorus ] To joy we soar, despite your scowl" "[ Chorus ] The echoes of our festival shall rise triumphant over all!" "Prepare for woe, Ye haughty lords," "At once I go Mikado-wards," "[ Chorus ] Away you go, Collect your hordes;" "[ Chorus ] Proclaim your woe In dismal chords;" "We do not heed their dismal sound" "For joy reigns everywhere around" "We do not heed their dismal sound" "[ Both ] For joy reigns everywhere around" " [ Both ]The echoes of our festival" " [ Both ] Shall rise triumphant over all" " Shall rise triumphant" " Shall rise triumphant" "[ Both ] Triumphant over all" "[ Chorus ] Shall rise triumphant over all" " My wrongs with vengeance shall be crowned" "[ Chorus ] We do not heed their dismal sound" "[ Chorus ] For joy reigns everywhere around" "[ Chorus ] We do not heed their dismal sound" "[ Chorus ] For joy reigns everywhere around" " My wrongs with vengeance shall be crowned - [ Chorus ] We do not heed their dismal sound" " My wrongs with vengeance" " For joy reigns every..." " Shall - ...where" " Be" " A..." " Crowned - ...round" "[ Applause ]" "[ Chorus ]" "Braid the raven hair Weave the supple tress" "Deck the maiden fair in her loveliness" "Paint the pretty face Dye the coral lip" "Emphasize the grace of her ladyship" "Art and nature thus allied" "Go to make a pretty bride" "Art and nature thus allied" "Go to make a pretty bride" "[PITTI-SING ] Sit with downcast eye - Let it brim with dew " "Try if you can cry We will do so, too" "When you're summoned, start Like a frightened roe " "Flutter, little heart, Colour, come and go!" "[ Chorus ] Modesty at marriage-tide Well becomes a pretty bride!" "[ Chorus ] Oh, modesty at marriage-tide Well becomes a classic pretty bride!" "[ Chorus ]" "Braid the raven hair Weave the supple tress" "Deck the maiden fair in her loveliness" "Paint the pretty face Dye the coral lip" "Emphasize the grace of her ladyship" "Art and nature thus allied" "Go to make a pretty bride" "Art and nature thus allied" "Go to make a pretty bride" "Art and nature thus allied" "Go to make a pretty bride" "Art and nature thus allied" "Go to make a pretty bride" "[ Applause ]" "Yes, I am indeed beautiful!" "Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world." "Can this be vanity?" "No!" "Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness." "I am a child of Nature, and take after my Mother." "The sun, whose rays are all ablaze" "With ever-living glory" "Does not deny his majesty" "He scorns to tell a story" "He don't exclaim I blush for shame" "So kindly be indulgent" "But fierce and bold, in fiery gold" "He glories all effulgent" "I mean to rule the earth" "As he the sky" "We really know our worth" "The sun and I" "I mean to rule the earth as he the sky" "We really know our worth" "The sun and I" "Observe his flame, That placid dame," "The moon's Celestial Highness;" "There's not a trace Upon her face" "Of diffidence or shyness:" "She borrows light That, through the night," "Mankind may all acclaim her!" "And, truth to tell, She lights up well," "So I, for one, don't blame her!" "Ah, pray make no mistake, We are not shy;" "We're very wide awake, The moon and I!" "Ah, pray make no mistake, We are not shy;" "We're very wide awake, The moon and I!" "[ Applause ]" "Yes!" "Everything seems to smile upon me." "I'm to be married today to the man I love best... and I believe I'm the very happiest girl in Japan." "The happiest girl indeed, for she is indeed to be envied who has attained happiness in all but perfection." "In 'all but' perfection?" "Well, dear, it can't be denied that the fact that your husband is to be beheaded in a month is, in its way, a drawback." "It does seem to take the top off it, you know." "I don't know about that." "It all depends." "At all events, he will find it a drawback." "Not necessarily, bless you." "It all depends." "Oh!" "I think it very indelicate of you to refer to such a subject on such a day." "If my married happiness is to be - to be " "Cut short?" "[ Laughter ]" "Well, cut short in a month... can't you let me forget it?" " Yum-Yum!" "Yum-Yum in tears - and on her wedding morn?" "They've been reminding me that in a month you're to be beheaded." "Yes, we've been reminding her that you're to be...beheaded?" "Yes, it's quite true, you. know, you are to be beheaded!" "Humph!" "Now, some bridegrooms would be depressed by this sort of thing!" "A month?" "Well, what's a month?" "These divisions of time are purely arbitrary." "Who says 24 hours make a day?" "There's a popular impression to that effect." "Then we'll efface it." "We'll call each second a minute - each minute an hour... each hour a day and each day a year." "Oh, at that rate, we've about 30 years of married happiness before us." "And, at that rate, this interview has already lasted four hours and three-quarters!" "It's time for tea!" "Yes." "How time flies when one is thoroughly enjoying oneself." "That's the way to look at it." "Don't let's be downhearted." "There's a silver lining to every cloud." "Certainly." "Let's - let's be perfectly happy!" "By all means." "Let's - let's thoroughly enjoy ourselves." "It's absurd to cry!" "Quite ridiculous!" "[ Exit crying ]" "Brightly dawns our wedding day" "Joyous hour, we give thee greeting" "Whither, whither art thou fleeting" "Fickle moment, prithee stay" "Fickle moment, prithee stay" "What though mortal joys be hollow" "Pleasures come, if sorrows follow" " Though the tocsin sound ere long" " Ere long" " Though the tocsin sound ere long" " Ding-dong, ding-dong" " Though the tocsin sound ere long" " Ding-dong, ding-dong" "Ding-dong" "Ding-dong" "Yet until the shadows fall" "Over one and over all" "Sing a merry madrigal" "Sing a merry madrigal" "Sing a merry madrigal" " Fa, la, fa, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la, fa, la, la, la, la, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la" "Fa, la, la, la, la, la" "Fa, la, la, la, fa, la" "Fa, la, la" "Fa, la, la" "Fa, la" "La" "Let us dry the ready tear, Though the hours are surely creeping" "Little need for woeful weeping," "Till the sad sundown is near." "Till the sad sundown is near." "All must sip the cup of sorrow - I today and thou tomorrow;" "This the close of every song" "Ding dong!" "Ding dong!" " This the close of every song" "Ding-dong" "Ding-dong" "What, though solemn shadows fall, Sooner, later, over all?" "Sing a merry madrigal." "Sing a merry madrigal." "Sing a merry madrigal." " Fa, la, fa, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la, fa, la, la, la, la, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la" " Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la" "Fa, la, la, la, la, la" "Fa, la, la, la, fa, la" "Fa, la, la" "Fa, la, la" "Fa, la" "[ Sobbing ]" "Fa, la, la" "[ Sobbing ]" "[ Sobbing and crying ] [ Applause ]" " Oh, go on." "Don't mind me." " Oh, I'm afraid we're distressing you." "Never mind." "I must get used to it." "Only please do it by degrees." "Begin by putting your arm around her waist." "There, let me get used to that first." "Oh, wouldn't you like to retire?" "It must pain you to see us so affectionate together." "No." "I must learn to bear it." "Now oblige me by allowing her head to rest on your shoulder." "Like that?" "Thank you." "I'm much obliged to you." "Now, kiss her." "It's simple torture!" "Oh." "Oh, come, come." "Bear up." "After all, it's only for a month." "No." "It's no use deluding oneself with false hopes." " What do you mean?" " My child." "My poor child." "Oh, shall I break it to here?" "My little bride that was to have been." ""Was to have been"?" "You never can be mine." " Oh!" " What?" "Oh, I'm so glad!" "I've just ascertained that, by the Mikado's law when a married man is beheaded, his wife is buried alive." " Buried alive?" " Buried alive!" "Buried alive." "It's a most unpleasant death." " But whom did you get that from?" " Oh, from Pooh-Bah." " He's my solicitor." " But he may be mistaken." "So I thought." "So I consulted the attorney general, the master of the rolls, the judge ordinary and the lord chancellor." "They're all of the same opinion." "Never knew such unanimity on a point of law in my life." "But stop a bit." "This law has never been put in force." "Not yet." "You see, flirting is the only crime punishable with decapitation and married men never flirt." "Oh, I quite forgot that." "Well, I suppose I may take it that my dream of happiness is at an end." "Darling, I don't want to appear selfish, and I'd love you with all my heart." "I don't suppose I shall ever love anybody else half as much, but when I agreed to marry you, - my own" " I had no idea, - pet - that I should have to be buried alive in a month!" "Nor I!" "It's the very first I've heard of it!" "It makes a difference, doesn't it?" "It does make a difference, of course." "You see, burial alive." "It's such a...stuffy death." "I call it a beast of a death." "You see my difficulty, don't you?" "Yes, And I see my own." "If I insist on you carrying out your promise" "I doom you to a hideous death." "If I release you, you marry Ko-Ko at once." "Oh!" "Here's a how-de-do" "If I marry you when your time has come to perish" "Then the maiden whom you cherish must be slaughtered too" "Here's a how-de-do Here's a how-de-do" "Here's a pretty mess" "In a month or less I must die without a wedding" "Let the bitter tears I'm shedding witness my distress" "Here's a pretty mess Here's a pretty mess" "Here's a state of things To her life she clings" "Matrimonial devotion doesn't seem to suit her notion" "Burial it brings Here's a state of things" "Here's a state of things" "[ All ] With a passion that's intense I worship and adore" "[ All ] But the laws of common sense we oughtn't to ignore" "[ All ] If what he says is true 'tis death to marry you" "[ All ] Here's a pretty state of things Here's a pretty how-de-do" "[ All ] Here's a pretty state of things A pretty state of things" " Here's a how-de-do" " Here's a how-de-do" " Here's a how-de-do" "[ All ] For if what he says is true I cannot, cannot marry you" "[ All ] Here's a pretty, pretty state of things" " Here's a state of things" " Here's a how-de-do" " Do what like she do" "[ All ]" " Matrimonial devotion Doesn't seem to suit her notion" " Baaa, Baaa" "[ All ] Burial it brings!" "Burial it brings!" "[ All ] Here's a pretty state of things Here's a pretty how-de-do" "[ All ] Here's a pretty state of things A pretty state of things" " Here's a how-de-do" " Ohhhhhhhhh" " Here's a how-de-do" "[ All ] With all the thought The fate of doing Cannot, cannot bury you" "[ All ] Here's a pretty, pretty state of things" "[ All ] A pretty, pretty, pretty pretty, pretty, pretty state of things" "[ All ] Here's a pretty how-de-do!" "[ Applause ]" " Here's a how-de-do" " Here's a how-de-do" " Here's a how-de-do" "[ All ] With all the thought The fate of doing Cannot, cannot bury you" "[ All ] Here's a pretty, pretty state of things" " Here's a state of things" " Here's a how-de-do" " Do what like she do" "[ All ]" " Matrimonial devotion Doesn't seem to suit her notion" " Baaa, Baaa" "[ All ] Burial it brings!" "Burial it brings!" "[ All ] Here's a pretty state of things Here's a pretty how-de-do" "[ All ] Here's a pretty state of things A pretty state of things" " Here's a how-de-do" " Ohhhhhhhhh" " Here's a how-de-do" "[ All ] With all the thought The fate of doing Cannot, cannot bury you" "[ All ] Here's a pretty, pretty state of things" "[ All ] A pretty, pretty, pretty pretty, pretty, pretty state of things" "[ All ] Here's a pretty how-de-do!" "[ Laughter ]" "[ Laughter and applause ]" "Oh, my, poor boy, I'm really very sorry for you." "Oh, thanks, old fellow." "I'm sure you are." "You see I'm quite helpless." "Oh, yes, yes, I quite see that." "I can't conceive anything more distressing than to have one's marriage broken off at the last moment." "Aw, but you shan't be disappointed of a wedding." "You shall come to mine." "Oh, that's awfully kind of you, but that's impossible." "Why so?" "Today I die." "What do you mean?" "I can't live without Yum-Yum." "This afternoon I perform the Happy Despatch." "Oh, no, no, pardon me, I can't allow that." "Why not?" "Why, hang it all, you're under contract to die by the hand of the Public Executioner in a month's time!" "Now, if you kill yourself, what's to become of me?" "I shall have to be executed in your place!" " But it would certainly seem so!" " Wait!" "Now then, Lord Mayor, what is it?" "The Mikado and his suite are approaching the city and will be here in ten minutes." "The Mikado!" "He's coming to see if his orders have been carried out." "Now look here, you know." "This is getting serious." "A bargain's a bargain, and you really mustn't frustrate the ends of justice by committing suicide." "As a man of honor and a gentleman, you are bound to die ignominiously... at the hands of the public executioner." "Very well then, behead me." "What?" "Now?" "Certainly." "At once." "Chop it off." "Chop it off." "Chop it off." "My good fellow, I don't go about prepared to execute gentlemen at a moment's notice." "Why, I never even killed a bluebottle." "Still, as Lord High Executioner..." "My good sir, as Lord High Executioner, I've got to behead him in a month's time." "No, I'm not ready yet." "I don't know how it's done." "I've got to take lessons." "[ Laughter ]" "I mean to begin with a guinea pig and work my way through the animal kingdom until I come to... a Japanese tenor." "[ Laughter ]" "You don't suppose I'd have accepted the post of Lord High Executioner if I hadn't thought the duties were purely nominal?" "I can't kill you." "I can't kill anything!" "I can't kill anybody!" "Come, come, come my poor fellow, we all have unpleasant duties to discharge at times;" "after all, what is it?" "If I don't mind, why should you?" "Remember." "Sooner or later, it must be done." "Must it?" "[ Ping ]" "I'm not so sure about that." "What do you mean?" "Why should I kill you when making an affidavit that you've been executed will do just as well?" "There are plenty of witnesses the lord chief justice the lord high admiral, commander-in-chief, ...secretary of state for the Home Department... first lord of the treasury and the chief commissioner of police." " Where are they?" " Sah!" "There they are!" "[ Laughter ]" "They'll all swear to it." "Won't you?" "Am I to understand that all of us high officers of state... are required to perjure ourselves in order to ensure your safety?" "Why not?" "You'll be grossly insulted, as usual." "Will the insult be cash down or at a later date?" "It will be a ready money transaction." "[ Five clinks of coins ] Brrrrrrr!" "Yee ah hoo!" "Very well, then, choose your fiction, and I'll endorse it." "Now how do you like that, my Family Pride!" "Huh?" "But I tell you that life without Yum-Yum " "Oh, Yum-Yum, Yum-Yum." "Bother Yum-Yum!" "Here, Commissioner, go and fetch Yum-Yum." "Now take Yum-Yum and marry Yum-Yum." "Only go away and never come back again." "Oh, here she comes." "Yum-Yum, are you particularly busy?" "Not particularly." "Have you five minutes to spare?" "Yes." "Then go along with His Grace, the archbishop of Titipu." " He'll marry you at once." " But if I'm to be buried alive!" "Don't ask any questions, but do as I tell you." " Nanki-Poo will explain all." " Yes, but just a moment..." " Not for worlds." " Here comes the Mikado." " Oh!" "Mikado!" " Oh, if he finds you alive..." "I shall have the greatest difficulty in persuading him I've beheaded you." " Close thing that," " Chop, chop, whoee!" " Here he comes!" "[ Applause ]" "Miya sama, miya sama" "On n'm-ma no maye ni" "Pira-Pira suru no wa" "Nan gia na" "Toko tonyare, tonyare na" "Miya sama, miya sama" "On n'm-ma no maye ni" "Pira-Pira suru no wa" "Nan gia na" "Toko tonyare, tonyare na" "[ Applause ]" "From every kind of man obedience I expect" "I'm the emperor of Japan" "And I'm his daughter-in-law-elect" "He'll marry his son He's only got one" "To his daughter-in-law-elect" "My morals have been declared Particularly correct;" "But they're nothing at all, compared With those of his daughter-in-law elect!" "Bow" " Bow - To his daughter-in-law elect!" "[ Chorus ] Bow" " Bow - To his daughter-in-law elect" "In a fatherly kind of way I govern each tribe and sect," " All cheerfully own my sway" " Except his daughter-in-law elect!" "As tough as a bone, With a will of her own," "Is his daughter-in-law elect!" "My nature is love and light My freedom from all defect" "Is insignificant quite" "Compared to his daughter-in-law-elect" "Bow, Oh!" "To his daughter-in-law-elect" "[ Chorus ] Bow, bow" "To his daughter-in-law-elect" "A more humane Mikado never did in Japan exist" "To nobody second I'm certainly reckoned a true philanthropist" "It is my very humane endeavor to make, to some extent" "Each evil liver a running river" "Of harmless merriment Yes!" "My object all sublime" "I shall achieve in time" "To let the punishment fit to the crime the punishment fit to the crime" "And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent" "A source of innocent merriment of innocent merriment" "All prosy dull society sinners, Who chatter and bleat and bore," "Are sent to hear sermons From mystical Germans" "Who preach from ten till four." "The amateur tenor, whose vocal villainies All desire to shirk," "Shall, during off-hours, Exhibit his powers" "To Madame Tussaud's waxwork." "[ Feigning female voice ] The lady who dyes a chemical red Or stains her grey hair puce," "Or pinches her figure, Is painted with vigour" "Ohhhhhh, Ah!" "Ha, ha, ha, ha." "And a permanent walnut juice." "The idiot who, in railway carriages, Scribbles on window-panes," "We only suffer To ride on a buffer" "In a Parliamentary trains." "And my object all sublime..." "Ah!" "Ha, ha, ha..." "I shall achieve in time" "To let the punishment fit to the crime the punishment fit to the crime" "And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent" "A source of innocent merriment of innocent merriment" "[ Chorus ] His object all sublime He shall achieve in time" "[ Chorus ] To let the punishment fit the crime The punishment fit the crime." "[ Chorus ] To make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent" "[ Chorus ] A source of innocent merriment of innocent merriment." "[ Laughter ]" "[ Gong ]" "The advertising quack who wearies with tales of countless cures" "His teeth, I've enacted shall all be extracted" "By terrified amateurs." "The music hall singer attends a series of masses and fugues and ops" "Ohhhh!" "[ Laughter ]" "By Bach interwoven with Spohr and Beethoven" "At classical Monday Pops." "The billiard sharp whom anyone catches he beats extremely hard" "He's made to dwell in a dungeon cell" "On a spot that's always barred." "And there he plays extravagant matches in fitless finger-stalls" "On a cloth untrue with a twisted cue" "And elliptical billiard balls." "Sah!" "Myyyy!" "Yah!" "My object all sublime" "I shall achieve in time Ah!" "[ Whispering ] To let the punishment fit the crime the punishment fit the crime" "And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent" "A source of innocent merriment of innocent merriment" "[ Chorus ] His object all sublime" "[ Chorus ] He will achieve in time" "[ Chorus ] To let the punishment fit the crime the punishment fit the crime" "[ Chorus ] And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent" "[ Chorus ] A source of innocent merriment of innocent merriment." "[ Excited laughter ]" "[ Fanfare ]" "[ Gong ]" "[ Applause ]" "I am honored in being permitted to welcome Your Majesty." "I guess the object of Your Majesty's visit." " Your wishes have been attended to." " Oh?" "Yes." "The execution has taken place." "Oh, you've had an execution, have you?" "Yes, the coroner has just handed me his certificate." "I am the coroner, Your Majesty." "Yes, yes, I see." "And this is the, certificate of his death?" "[ Laughing contemptuously ]" "'At Titipu, in presence of the lord chancellor... lord chief justice, attorney general... secretary of state for the Home Department... lord mayor and..." "groom of the second floor front'?" "They were all present, Your Majesty." "I counted them myself." "A very good house." "I wish I'd been in time for the performance." "A tough fellow he was too." "A man of gigantic strength." "His struggles were terrific." "It was really a very remarkable scene." "Describe it!" "The criminal cried as he dropped him down" "In a state of wild alarm" "With a frightful, frantic, fearful frown" "I bared my big r-right arm" "I seized him by his little pigtail" "And on his knees fell he" "As he squirmed and struggled and gurgled and guggled" "I drew my snickersnee." "[ Chorus ] My snickersnee." "Oh, never shall I forget the cry" "Or the shriek that shrieked he" "As I gnashed my teeth when from its sheath" "I drew my snickersnee" "[ Chorus ] We know him well He cannot tell" "[ Chorus ] Untrue or groundless tales" "[ Chorus ] He always tries to utter lies and every time he fails." "He shivered and shook as he gave the sign" "For the stroke he didn't deserve" "When all of a sudden his eye met mine" "And it seemed to brace his nerve" "For he nodded his head and kissed his hand" "And he whistled an air, did he" "As the saber true cut cleanly through" "His cervical vertebrae" "[ Chorus ] His vertebrae." " Ah!" "When a man's afraid a beautiful maid" "Is a cheering sight to see" "And it's, oh, I'm glad that moment sad" "Was soothed by sight of me" "[ Chorus ] Her terrible tale you can't assail" "[ Chorus ] With truth it quite agrees" "[ Chorus ] Her taste exact for faultless fact" "[ Chorus ] Amounts to a disease." "Now, though you'd have said that head was dead" "For its owner dead was he" "It stood on its neck with a smile well-bred" " And bowed three times to me." " Ah ya!" "It was none of your impudent bob and nod" "But as humble as could be" "For it clearly knew the deference due" "To a man of pedigree" "[ Chorus ] Of pedigree." "And it's, oh, I vow this deathly bow" "Was a touching sight to see Yee!" "Though trunkless yet it couldn't forget" "The deference due to me" "[ Chorus ] This haughty youth he speaks the truth" "[ Chorus ] Whenever he finds it pays" "[ Chorus ] And in this case it all took place" "[ Chorus ] Exactly as he says" "[ Chorus ] Exactly, exactly, exactly, exactly" "[ Chorus ] As he says." "[ Applause ]" "All this is very interesting, and I should like to have seen it." "But we came about a totally different matter." "A year ago, my son, the heir to the throne of Japan, bolted from our imperial court." "Indeed?" "Had he any reason to be dissatisfied with his position?" "None whatever." "On the contrary, I was going to marry him." "And yet he fled." "I am surprised that he should have fled from one so lovely." "That's not true." "No." "Now you hold that I am not beautiful because my face is plain." "Ah, but you know nothing;" "you are still unenlightened." "Learn, then, that it is not in the face alone that beauty is to be sought." "My face is unattractive!" "It is." "But I have a left shoulder-blade that is a miracle of loveliness." "People come miles to see it." "My right elbow has a fascination that few can resist." "Allow me!" "As for my circulation, it is the largest in the world." "And yet he fled!" "He's now masquerading in this town, disguised as a second trombone." " A second trombone!" " Yes." "Would it be troubling you too much if I asked you to produce him?" "He goes by the name of, uh..." " Nanki-Poo." " Oh, Nanki-Poo!" "[ Consternation ]" "It's quite easy to produce him." "That is, it's rather difficult." "In point of fact, he's gone abroad." "Gone abroad?" "Niagara-on-the-Lake." "[ Laughter ]" "See here!" "His name!" "Nanki-Poo, beheaded this morning." "Oh, where shall I find another?" "Where shall I find another?" "Dear, dear, dear." "This is very tiresome." "My poor fellow, in your anxiety to carry out my wishes it seems that you have beheaded the heir to the throne of Japan." "I beg to offer an unqualified apology." "I desire to associate myself with that expression of regret." "We really hadn't the least notion." "Of course you hadn't." "How could you?" "Come, come, my poor fellow, don't distress yourself." "Iit was really no fault of yours." "If a man of exalted rank wishes to disguise himself as a second trombone then he must bear the consequences." "It really does distress me to see you take on so." "I've no doubt he thoroughly deserved all he got." "We are infinitely obliged to Your Majesty." "Much obliged, Your Majesty." "Very much obliged, Your Majesty." "Obliged?" "Not a bit." "Don't mention it." "How could you tell?" "No, of course, we didn't know who the gentleman really was." "It wasn't written on his forehead, you know." "It would have been written on his American Express Card but he must have left home without it." "[ Laughter ]" "I forget the punishment for compassing the death of the heir apparent." " Punishment?" " Yes." "Something lingering, with boiling oil in it, I fancy." "Something of that sort." "Though I think boiling oil occurs in it, but I'm not sure." "And I know it's something humorous,...but lingering with either boiling oil or melted lead." "Come, come." "Don't fret." "I'm not a bit angry." "If Your Majesty will accept our assurance, we had no idea." " Of course." " I knew nothing about it." "I wasn't there." "Ah, you see that's the pathetic part of it." "Unfortunately, the fool of an act says 'compassing the death of the heir apparent.'" " There's not a word about a mistake." " No?" " Or not knowing." " No?" " Or having no notion." " No." " Or not being there." " No." " There should be, of course." " Yes." "But there isn't." "That's the slovenly way which these acts are always drawn." "However, cheer up, I'll have it altered." "Next session." "Now, let's see." "About your execution " "Would after luncheon suit you?" "Can you wait till then?" "Oh, yes." "We can wait till then." "Very well then." "We'll make it after luncheon." "Um, I shan't want any lunch." "I'm really very sorry for you all, but it's an unjust world, and virtue is triumphant only in theatrical performances." "Well!" "And a nice mess you've got us into... with your nodding head and "the deference due to a man of pedigree."" "Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude... to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative." "Corroborative detail indeed." "Corroborative fiddlestick." "Oh, you're just as bad as he is... with your cock-and-a-bull story about catching his eye and whistling an air." "When a man's afraid a beautiful maid...yagh!" "Oh, yes, and what about your big right arm, uh?" "Yes." "And your snickersnee." "Yeah." "Well, well - Well, never mind about that now." "There's only one thing to be done." "Nanki-Poo hasn't started yet." "He must come back to life again at once." " Sah!" "Here he comes." "Here Nanki-Poo!" "I've news for you." " You've been reprieved." " Oh, but it's too late." "I'm a dead man, and I'm off for my honeymoon." "Nonsense." "What are you talking about?" "A terrible thing has just happened." "It seems that you are the son of the Mikado." "[ All ] Oh!" "Mikado!" "Oh, yes but that happened some time ago." "Is this a time for airy persiflage?" "Your father is here - and with Katisha." " My father?" "And with Katisha?" " Yes." "He wants you particularly." "Oh!" "So does she." " But he's married now." " Bless my heart." "What has that got to do with it?" "Well, Katisha claims me in marriage, but I'm married already." "[ Kiss ]" "Consequently, she'll insist on my execution, and my wife will have to be buried alive." "You see our difficulty." "Yes." "I don't know what's to be done." "Ah!" "No." "There's one chance for you." "If you could persuade Katisha to marry you, she would have no further claim on me." "In that case I can then come to life without any fear of being put to death." "I marry Katisha?" "I really think it's the only course." "But, my good girl, have you seen her?" "She's something appalling." "Oh, well that don't mean a thing." "She has a left elbow that people come miles to see." "Yes, and I'm told her circulation is much admired by connoisseurs." "My good sir, I decline to pin my heart on any lady's...circulation." "Well, it comes to this, while Katisha is single I prefer to be a disembodied spirit." "When Katisha is married, existence will be as welcome as the flowers in spring." "The flowers that bloom in the spring Tra-la" "Breathe promise of merry sunshine" "As we merrily dance and we sing Tra-la" "We welcome the hope that they bring Tra-la" "Of a summer of roses and wine Of a summer of roses and wine" "And that's what we mean when we say that a thing" "Is welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring" "Ahhh....etc." "Tra-la-la-la-la-ha Tra-la-la-la-la-ha" "The flowers that bloom in the spring" "[ Chorus ] Tra-la-la-la-la-ha Tra-la-la-la-la-ha" "[ Chorus ] Tra-la-la-la-la-la" "The flowers that bloom in the spring Tra-la" "Have nothing to do with the case" "I've got to take under my wing Tra-la" "A most unattractive old thing Tra-la" "With a caricature of a face With a caricature of a face" "And that's what I mean when I say or I sing" "Oh, bother the flowers that bloom in the spring" "Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la-la-la" "Bother the flowers of spring" "[ Chorus ] Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la-la-la...." "[ Chorus ] Tra-la-la-la-la-la" "Katisha!" "[ Laughing ]" "[ Applause ]" "I've got to take under my wing Tra-la" "A most unattractive old thing Tra-la" "With a caricature of a face With a caricature of a face" "And that's what I mean when I say or I sing" "Oh, bother the flowers that bloom in the spring" "Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la-la-la" "[ Chorus ] Bother the flowers of spring" "[ Chorus ] Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la-la-la" "[ Chorus ] Tra-la-la-la-la-la" "Katisha." "[ Applause ]" "Alone, and yet alive!" "Oh, sepulchre!" "My soul is still my body's prisoner." "Remote the peace that Death alone can give " "My doom, to wait!" "my punishment, to live!" "Hearts do not break!" "They sting and ache" "For old love's sake, But do not die," "Though with each breath They long for death" "As witnesseth The living I!" "The living I" "Oh, living I!" "Come, tell me why," "When hope is gone, Dost thou stay on?" "Why linger here, Where all is drear?" "Oh, living I!" "Come, tell me why," "When hope is gone, Dost thou stay on?" "May not a cheated maiden die?" "May not a cheated maiden die?" "[ Applause ]" "Katisha." "Katisha." "Katisha!" "Oh!" "The miscreant who robbed me of my love." "Well, vengeance pursues." "They are heating the cauldron." "Katisha, behold a suppliant at your feet." " Katisha, mercy." " Mercy?" "Had you mercy on him?" "See here, you." "You have slain my love." "Well, he did not love me, but he would have loved me in time." "I am an acquired taste - only the educated palate can appreciate me." "But I was educating his palate when he left me." "Well, he is dead, and where shall I find another?" "It takes years to train a man to love me." "Am I to go through the weary round again, and, at the same time, implore mercy for you who robbed me of my prey " "I mean my pupil - just as his education was on the point of completion?" "Oh, where shall I find another?" "Here." "Here!" "What?" "Katisha, for years I have loved you with a white-hot...passion which is slowly but surely consuming my very vitals!" "Ah, shrink not from me." "Katisha, if there is aught of woman's mercy in your heart, turn not your back upon a love-sick suppliant whose every fibre..." "thrills at your tiniest touch!" "True it is that, under a poor mask of disgust," "I have endeavoured to conceal a passion whose inner fires are broiling the soul within me!" "But the fire will not be smothered - it defies all attempts at extinction, and, breaking forth, all the more eagerly for its long restraint, it declares itself in words that will not be weighed - that cannot be schooled - that should not be too severely criticized." "Katisha," "I dare not hope for your love - but I will not live without it!" "Darling!" "You!" "You, whose hands still reek with the blood of my betrothed, dare to address words of passion to the woman you have so foully wronged!" "I do." "Accept my love, or I perish on the spot!" "Go to!" "Who knows so well as I that no one ever yet died of a broken heart." "You know not what you say." "Listen." "On a tree by a river a little tomtit" "Sang Willow, tit-willow, tit-willow" "I said to him Dickey bird, why do you sit?" "Singing Willow, tit-willow, tit-willow" "Is it weakness of intellect, birdie I cried" "Or a rather tough worm in your little inside" "With a shake of his poor little head" "He replied" "Oh, willow " "Tit-willow, tit-willow" "He slapped at his chest as he sat on that bough" "Singing Willow, tit-willow, tit-willow" "And the cold perspiration bespangled his brow" "Oh, willow, tit-willow, tit-willow" "He sobbed and he sighed" "And a gurgle he gave" "Then he plunged himself into the billowy wave" "And an echo arose" "From the suicide's grave" "Oh, willow" "Tit-willow, tit-willow" "Now I feel just as sure as I'm sure that my name" "Isn't "Willow, tit-willow, tit-willow"" "That 'twas blighted affection that made him exclaim" "Oh, willow, tit-willow, tit-willow" "And if you remain callous and obdurate" "I shall perish as he did" "And you will know why" "Though I probably shall not" "Exclaim as I die" "Oh, willow" "Tit-willow" "Tit-willow." "[ Applause ]" "Did he really die of love?" "He really did" " All on account of a cruel little hen?" " Yeah." "Poor little chap!" "It's an affecting tale, and quite true." "I knew the bird intimately." "Did you?" "He must have been very fond of her" "His devotion was something extraordinary" "Oh, poor little chap!" "And - and if I refuse you, will you go and do the same?" "At once." "No, no - you mustn't!" "Anything but that!" "Oh, I'm a silly little goose!" "Ha, ha, ha." "You are!" "And you won't hate me if I'm just a little teeny weeny wee bit bloodthirsty, will you?" "Hate you?" "Oh, Katisha!" "is there not beauty even in bloodthirstiness?" "My idea exactly." "There is beauty in the bellow of the blast," "There is grandeur in the growling of the gale," "There is eloquent outpouring When the lion is a-roaring," "And the tiger is a-lashing of his tail!" "Yes, I like to see a tiger From the Congo or the Niger," "And especially when lashing of his tail!" "Volcanoes have a splendour that is grim," "And earthquakes only terrify the dolts," "But to him who's scientific There is nothing that's terrific" "In the falling of a flight of thunderbolts!" "Yes, in spite of all my meekness, If I have a little weakness," "It's a passion for a flight of thunderbolts!" "[ Both ] If that is so, Sing derry down derry!" "[ Both ] It's evident, very, Our tastes are one." "[ Both ] Away we'll go, And merrily marry," "[ Both ] Nor tardily tarry Till day is done!" " Hai-ya!" " Ya-ya-ya-ya." "There is beauty in extreme old age " "Do you fancy you are elderly enough?" "Information I'm requesting On a subject interesting:" "Is a maiden all the better when she's tough?" "Throughout this wide dominion It's the general opinion" "That she'll last a good deaf longer when she's tough." "Are you old enough to marry, do you think?" "Won't you wait until you're eighty in the shade?" "There's a fascination frantic In a ruin that's romantic;" "Do you think you are sufficiently decayed?" "To the matter that you mention I have given some attention," "And I think I am sufficiently decayed." "[ Both ] If that is so, Sing derry down derry!" "[ Both ] It's evident, very, Our tastes are one." "[ Both ] Away we'll go, And merrily marry," "[ Both ] Nor tardily tarry Till day is done!" "[ Both ] If that is so, Sing derry down derry!" "[ Both ] It's evident, very, Our tastes are one." "[ Both ] Away we'll go, And merrily marry," "[ Both ] Nor tardily tarry Till day is done!" "[ Both ] Sing derry down derry do!" "Marry me, marry you" "[ Both ] Why to me, why to you Till day is done!" "[ Applause and cheers ]" "Now then, we've had a capital lunch, and we're quite ready." "Have all the painful preparations been made?" "Your Majesty, all is prepared." "Could you three unfortunate gentleman and his two well-meaning but misguided accomplices." "Mercy." "Mercy for Ko-Ko." "Mercy for Pitti-Sing." "Mercy even for Pooh-Bah." "I beg your pardon." "I don't think I quite caught that remark." "Mercy even for Pooh-Bah, sir." "Mercy." "My husband that was to have been is dead and I have just married this miserable object." "Oh." "You've not been long about it." "No." "We were married before the registrar." "I am the registrar, Your Majesty." "Yes, yes, I see, but my difficulty is that, as you have slain the heir apparent..." " The heir apparent is not slain." " Bless my heart." "My son!" "And your daughter-in-law-elected." "Traitor!" "You have deceived me!" "Yes, yes, I think you deserve a little explanation, but I think he'll give it better whole than in pieces." "Your Majesty, it's quite true that I stated that I had killed Nanki-Poo." "Yes, with most affecting particulars." "Merely corroborative detail intended to give artistic veris..." "Will you refrain from putting in your oar?" "Your Majesty, it's like this, when your Majesty says, "Let a thing be done"... it's is as good as done - practically, it is done - because Your Majesty's will is law." "Now your Majesty says, "Kill a gentleman" " "Consequently, a gentleman is told off to be killed." "Consequently, that gentleman is as good as dead - practically, he is dead." "Well, if he is dead, why not say so?" "[ Hilarious laughter ]" "I see." "Nothing could possibly be more satisfactory." "[ Chorus ]" "For he's gone and married Yum-Yum - Yum-Yum!" "Your anger pray bury, For all will merry," "I think you had better succumb - Cumb - cumb," "And join our expressions of glee!" "On this subject I pray you be dumb - Dumb - dumb!" "Your notions, though many, Are not worth a penny," "The word for your guidance is 'Mum' - Mum - mum!" "You've a very good bargain in me." "On this subject we pray you be dumb - Dumb- dumb!" "We think you had better succumb - Cumb - cumb!" "You'll find there are many Who'll wed for a penny," "Who'll wed for a penny," "There are lots of good fish in the sea." "There are lots of good fish in the sea." "There's lots of fish In the good sea." "Lots of fish" "In the good sea." "In the sea." "In the sea." "In the sea." "In the sea" "[ Gong ]" "The threatened cloud has passed away," "And brightly shines the dawning day." "What though the night may come too soon," "We've years and years of afternoon!" "Then let the throng..." "Then let the throng our joy advance," "With laughing song..." "With laughing song and merry dance." "Then let the throng Our joy advance." "With laughing song And merry dance." "With laughing song And merry dance." "With laughing song..." "With joyous shout With joyous shout and ringing cheer" "Inaugurate Inaugurate their new career" "With joyous shout Their new career" "Inaugurate their new career" "With joyous shout Their new career" "With a shout." "With a shout." "With a shout." "With a shout" "With song" "And" "Dance" "[ Applause ]" "[ Gong ]" "[ Continous applause ]" "[ Cheers and applause]" "[ Chorus ]" "To the lord!" "To the lord!" "To the noble lord!" "To the noble lord!" "To the lord High Executioner!"