"Translation:" "Carol White" "SOMEWHERE IN THE USA...." " Fuck off!" " Johnny!" "It's for you!" " Yo Nigga!" "Afro's waitin' on us." " S'happenin', Afro!" " Hi..." " Yo, dog." " Y'all fired up yet?" "TWO MINUTES LATER" " Good shit!" " Yeah..." " I almost got dusted by a car today." " Cool..." " I coulda died." " We coulda died in the gang wars..." " I remember, like it was just three dayz ago..." "WAR OF THE GANGS ...It was a warm summer day..." " RUN!" " NO!" " Fuck!" "(at the Generalz)" " S'happenin'." " Come on in!" " He..." " You tried to kill our ass!" " I dropped it." " What is that thing?" " We got a plan to take care of the killa..." " ... of your dog." " We been at the Generalz." " He told us that solving' our problem..." " ... zgonna be a BLAST!" " Y'all askin' somebody's help that lost an eye and a hand lighting' firecrackerz!" " Son, here's how you light a firecracker!" " My eye!" " My hand!" " Least he's got experience." " Niggaz right." " Don't sweat it, the plan is simple!" " Simple?" "!" " Sure..." "You glide down the hill and up under the car, lay the bomb in there, pull on the string..." " ... and we pull ya out." " OK!" " I gotta burn one..." " Hang on to the bomb." " Did you tie the line to the board?" " Stay cool." "This shit ain't killed nobody yet..." " Yeah, I heard that..." " Aaaaa!" " Bomb's installed." " Pull the string..." " Johnny, my man!" "You hangin' in there?" " Where's the string!" "?" " Cool out." "It's right here..." " FUCK!" "How do I get outa here?" "!" " Don't panic." "I gotta think..." " AFRO!" " What's up?" " FUCK!" " Ah..." "When the car moves, just let go, and they'll keep on drivin'." " But the bomb's gonna blow!" " Then set the timer for 10 secondz..." " We're outa here!" " You into Hanna-Barbera cartoonz?" " Why you askin'?" " Just curious..." " Gotta let go." " I'm stuck!" " FUCK!" "FUCK!" "FUCK!" " My whole life's passin' before my eyes." " Aaaaaaaaaa!" " Aaaa!" " I dig American movies..." " Yo, I think we got a flat." " Johnny!" " Freeze!" "BACK @ JOHNNY'S" " No shit, we really coulda died..." " Yeah..." " I ever tell y'all about The War of The Gangz?" " 'Round 15 seconds ago." " Good shit!" " Yeah..." " We coulda died in space, too..." " I remember that like it was two dayz ago!" "SPACE ...It was a warm summer day..." " Hey guys!" " Hey, what's happenin'..." " Wanna take a journey into deep space?" " Why not..." " Then go pack your stuff..." "ONE HOUR LATER..." " I see you didn't have any problems making yourselves at home." " Nah..." " Except all the windows are stuck." " I see..." " General..." " What's up?" " How come we're here?" "I mean NASA doesn't just send people into space like this, for the hell of it." " Mmm..." "We're gonna hook up with an interplanetary research station..." " Yeah, but why us?" " Aah..." "I see you're not gonna let this go." "You really wanna know?" " Of course!" " Alright, listen up!" " Wha... what's the deal?" " I need to tell you guys something..." " A year ago NASA deployed a crew of quite a few to an interplanetary research station.." " ... somewhere in the area of Saturn." "We should be there soon..." " ... the mission was supposed to be very simple." "The entire crew was to return after 6 months..." " ... several weeks into their stay we began to receive some disturbing signals..." " ... 2 months ago we lost their signal entirely." " What was in those signals?" " It's hard to say... cries, screams, noise... all at once." " Then why are you sending us?" "NASA's got astronauts." " Because this is a fatally dangerous mission, it's a foregone conclusion that you're gonna die..." " ... and since you guys volunteered for it yourselves, NASA won't have to pay out any insurance claims in case of death..." " We gotta streamline, after losing all of our money..." " ... on caps with a logo that read: "I LOVE THE USA"." " The ones with the little read heart on them?" " Yeah." " Those things are so cool!" "I bought four myself." " Welcome to the "Omega 17" Interplanetary Research Station..." " This isn't that bad..." " Lemme outa here!" " That's probably just the plumbing..." " This is the central computer." "Ask it anything you want." " Anything?" " Yes." " What's your name?" " Betty." " OK, Betty - what came first: the chicken or the egg?" " You know how much that thing cost!" " But it doesn't even work..." " Let's see if we can find anybody from the old crew." " This station's pretty big." "I propose we split up." " Alright." " Each of us will go in a different direction..." " Wait!" " What's up..." " Hold it!" " Get away from here!" " IT will kill you all!" " What are you talking about?" " Aaaaaaaaaaa!" " What's the matter?" " Who are you?" " Help me!" " Are you OK?" " Yeah." "Everything's cool." " What WAS that?" " What happened here?" " I don't feel like running anymore..." " Something attacked us..." " We need to let the General know." " Go look for him!" " I'll see if I can find that other dude." " Fuck..." " Shit!" " HELP!" " We've gotta get out of here." " There's no one left on the station." "We're going back to Earth, otherwise IT's gonna kill us." " I'm afraid that's not possible..." " How come?" " NASA didn't count on us surviving..." " Our ship was a one-shot kind of thing." "It won't get us back to Earth." " There's no other way back?" " We could fly the whole research station back." "But before we do that..." " ... we really should kill that THING." "It could escape once we landed." " The entire World would be at risk!" " Only America can save the Earth..." " Get the station ready for the return journey." "I'll take care of that THING!" " Fuck..." " NO!" "... No!" "..." " Johnny!" " What happened here?" " I killed IT..." " Cool..." " Let's go back to Earth." " OK..." "BACK @ JOHNNY'S" " That was one hell of a dangerous mission..." " Yeah..." " We saved the whole World..." " Yeah..." " We coulda died in 'Nam, too..." " I remember that like it was yesterday!" "VIETNAM ...It was a warm summer day but we were hangin' out inside the house Help!" "Lifeguard!" "I'm drowning!" "..." " Great flick!" " Switch it to somethin' else." "...TU MIS COCHONES, PEPITO!" "..." " Switch it again." "Do you want Adventure?" "Enlist with the United States Army!" "Here, everyone's happy!" "Hurry!" "This month only..." "GET A WATER-RESISTANT WRISTWATCH" " FREE!" " Wow!" "A waterproof watch." " You can even take a bath with that thing on..." "SEVERAL MINUTES LATER..." " Hi!" " General?" "!" " You gotta work your way into everything?" " I wanna be famous..." " What do you guys want?" " We want a water-resistant wristwatch!" " Then sign right here!" " Congratulations!" "You're goin' to 'Nam!" " And the watch?" " Oooh..." "Sorry, we're fresh out..." "ONE HOUR LATER..." "SOMEWHERE OVER VIETNAM..." " Alright, we're over Vietnam now." " You're gonna jump in a second." " What exactly is our mission here?" " Hmm... to kill 'em all!" " Wipe out Vietnam!" " But the war in Vietnam is over, isn't it?" " That's what THEY want you to think!" " We still got guerilla cells holed up in the jungle!" " They're a threat to American tourists." " But nobody takes a vacation in the jungle." " Exactly!" "They're afraid of the guerillas!" " You can jump now." " What about weapons?" " Fuck..." " I forgot." " Deal with it!" " Don't we get parachutes?" " No!" "With parachutes they'll shoot you down!" " Besides, Afro and Nigga already jumped." "PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THE CHARACTERS PORTRAYED IN "AMERICAN MOVIE" ARE FICTIONAL AND PLAYED BY ACTORS." "FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY, WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU DO NOT ATTEMPT TO IMITATE THEM." " You guys make it alright?" " I'm fine." " How 'bout you, Nigga?" " What's the matter!" "?" " I got water in my ears..." " Let's take cover somewhere!" " Without weapons we're sitting ducks." " Up in the trees will be the best place..." " I watched this documentary one time, where it said the Vietnamese can't climb 'em!" " When did you see that?" " Today, with y'all." "Don't you remember?" " Nigga..." "That was a film about rhinoceroses..." " Oh..." " Did you guys just see something?" " No..." " Maybe it was a rhinoceros..." "A MOMENT LATER..." " I just remembered something..." " There's no rhinoceroses in Vietnam..." " Just sittin' around here like this is senseless..." "I'm goin' down." " Man, you're fast!" " I try..." " Grab the guns!" " I didn't know humans could talk..." " Look!" " Mission accomplished!" " We can go home now." " OK..." "Let's roll!" " Fuck..." " Nigga!" " There's a field hospital!" "We'll carry him!" " Doc!" "You've gotta save him!" " What happened?" " He took a bullet in the chest!" " Your friend is dying..." " The bullet pierced his heart..." " Can't you do anything!" "?" " The only possibility would be a heart transplant..." " ... but finding a viable donor in these circumstances would be nothing less than impossible." " What about all them dead Vietnamese?" " No." "The heart's gotta still be beating..." " Can I go see him?" " Go ahead..." " Johnny..." " I'm sorry, man..." " If it wasn't for me, you guys would be home by now..." " It's nothing..." "Don't think about that." " Johnny..." " How come the black guys always die first in the movies?" " THIS AIN'T NO MOVIE, NIGGA!" " This time things are gonna be different..." " No..." ""He's dead..."" ""prepare the operating room..."" " So where's Johnny?" " He's dead..." " He gave his life to save you..." " Hang on!" "If you died then..." " ... then who are we talkin' with!" "Translation:" "Carol White"