"( theme music playing )" "( off-key ) ♪ WE LOVED, WE PARTED ♪" "♪ AS FATE HAD ARRANGED ♪" "♪ NOW THERE YOU STAND ♪" "♪ AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED... ♪" "YVETTE, A LARGE COGNAC." "I HAVE IT FOR YOU HERE, RENE." "THANK YOU." "♪ YOU ARE MY LOVE, MY ONLY LOVE ♪" "♪ ONCE MORE... ♪" "IN ME, YOU SEE A MAN WHO HAS PROBLEMS." "AT THAT TABLE OVER THERE, ARE TWO GERMAN OFFICERS" "DRESSED AS ONION SELLERS" "BECAUSE I GAVE THEIR UNIFORMS" "TO SOME BRITISH AIRMEN TO HELP THEM TO ESCAPE." "HOWEVER, THE BRITISH AIRMEN BURNED THE UNIFORMS." "DON'T ASK ME WHY" "AND THEY ARE NOW HIDING UPSTAIRS" "IN THE WARDROBE OF MY WIFE'S MOTHER," "WHO IS IN BED IN THE ATTIC." "PLAYING THE PIANO" "IS MONSIEUR LECLERC," "JAILBIRD AND FORGER," "WHO, IN HIS YOUTH," "WAS THE LOVER, GOD HELP HIM," "OF MY WIFE'S MOTHER," "AND WHO, FOR ALL I KNOW, MIGHT WELL BE" "MY WIFE'S FATHER." "HERR FLICK, THE GESTAPO OFFICER," "IS ALSO DRESSED AS ON AN ONION SELLER" "IN ORDER TO TRACE THE MISSING PAINTING BY VAN CLOMP" "OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES," "WHICH I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE UPON MY PERSON." "BUT EVEN WORSE THAN ALL THIS," "MY WIFE EDITH... ♪ FATE HAD ARRANGED... ♪" "WHO YOU WILL HAVE NOTICED CANNOT CARRY A TUNE IN A BUCKET," "IS ABOUT TO SING ANOTHER CHORUS." "THE GERMAN LIEUTENANT AT THAT TABLE THERE FANCIES ME," "AND THESE TWO RINGS ON MY FINGERS" "CONTAIN TWO SUICIDE PILLS." "BUT I COULD GO ON FOREVER." "RENE, COME INTO THE BACK ROOM QUICKLY." "MY LITTLE CHICKEN, MARIA," "I HAVE NOT TIME FOR THAT SORT OF THING NOW." "THE RESTAURANT IS FULL." "MEET ME TONIGHT AT 11:00" "IN THE COLD ROOM BY THE ICEBOX." "NO, RENE." "MICHELLE WANTS YOU IN THE BACK ROOM," "MICHELLE FROM THE RESISTANCE." "SHH!" "DO NOT MENTION THAT WORD IN HERE." "OH, THAT MICHELLE WILL GET ME SHOT." "LOOK AFTER THE BAR." "CAN WE STILL MEET AT 11:00?" "OF COURSE." "CAN WE MEET SOMEWHERE ELSE?" "WAITING FOR YOU BY THE ICEBOX, IT'S" "IT'S SO UNROMANTIC." "BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT ON IT." "ALL RIGHT, THEN MEET ME IN THE COAL CELLAR." "BUT I GET SO DIRTY IN THERE." "YES, I KNOW." "MICHELLE?" "MICHELLE?" "I AM HERE." "WHY CAN'T YOU WAIT IN THE ROOM," "LIKE AN ORDINARY PERSON?" "BECAUSE I'M NOT AN ORDINARY PERSON." "TO AVOID BEING DISCOVERED BY THE GERMANS," "I HAVE TO MOVE WITH GREAT CUNNING AND SECRECY," "OTHERWISE, I WILL BE SHOT." "I UNDERSTAND." "I HAVE THE SAME TROUBLE WITH MY WIFE." "NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY," "I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE." "YOU ARE TO TAKE THIS CONTAINER." "I SEE." "AND WHAT DOES THIS CONTAINER CONTAIN?" "BOLS." "MICHELLE, UP UNTIL NOW OUR RELATIONSHIP" "HAS BEEN ON A VERY CIVILIZED AND FRIENDLY BASIS." "IF I HAVE EVER SAID ANYTHING TO OFFEND YOU" " BOLS GIN." " OH!" "THIS TYPE OF GIN" "IS COLORED A VERY PALE BLUE." "I RUN A BAR, I DO KNOW THAT." "NITROGLYCERIN IS ALSO COLORED" "A VERY PALE BLUE." "I DIDN'T KNOW THAT." "BUT WHAT IS THE CONNECTION?" "THIS IS NITROGLYCERIN." "BE VERY GENTLE WITH IT." "DO NOT DROP IT." "DO NOT LET ANYONE SEE IT." "HIDE IT IN YOUR CELLAR." "AT 11:00 THERE IS GOING TO BE A BIG BANG." "BUT THAT WAS NOT DEFINITE." "IT WAS ONLY A LOOSE ARRANGEMENT." "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" "I AM ASKING YOU TO HIDE THIS BOTTLE IN YOUR CELLAR." "IT IS TO BLOW UP THE RAILWAY LINE." "BUT THE RAILWAY LINE DOES NOT RUN OVER MY CELLAR." "MY RESTAURANT RUNS OVER MY CELLAR." "I KNOW THAT." "I WILL BE BACK TO COLLECT IT QUITE SOON." "IN THAT CASE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST KEEP IT?" "BECAUSE IF THE GERMANS FIND IT THEY WILL SHOOT ME." "IF THEY FIND IT HERE, WON'T THEY SHOOT ME?" "YOU HAVE A CAFE." "YOU HAVE A BAR." "WHY SHOULD YOU NOT HAVE A BOTTLE OF BOLS GIN?" "IF I COULD THINK OF A REASON," "I WOULD GIVE YOU ONE." "( piano playing )" "♪ IT'S THE WAY WE GO ♪" "♪ THE SAME REFRAIN ♪" "♪ THE FINAL ENCORE ♪" "♪ YOU ARE MY LOVE ♪" "♪ MY ONLY LOVE ♪" "♪ ONCE MORE ♪" "♪ YOU ARE MY LOVE ♪" "♪ MY ONLY LOVE ♪" "♪ ONCE ♪" "♪ MO-O-O-RE. ♪" "( silence )" "THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND APPLAUSE." "NOW ARE THERE ANY REQUESTS?" "TWO BEERS AND SOME MORE CHEESE." "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE, LIEUTENANT?" "I HAVE A FANCY FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE DIFFERENT." "WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?" "MAYBE A SMALL PORT AND LEMON?" "THAT WILL DO VERY NICELY." "WHERE IS MONSIEUR RENE?" "I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE ALL NIGHT," "BUT I THINK HE IS AVOIDING ME." "HE HAS A LOT ON HIS MIND AT THE MOMENT," "BUT I AM SURE HE IS NOT TRYING TO AVOID YOU." "HE IS TOO BUSY TRYING TO AVOID HIS WIFE." "OH REALLY?" "THAT IS VERY INTERESTING." "AH, MONSIEUR RENE." "LIEUTENANT, HAVE YOU GOT A DRINK?" "I WAS ASKING FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE DIFFERENT." "WHAT IS IT THAT YOU HAVE THERE?" "OH, IT'S JUST A VERY EXOTIC GIN." "IT IS NEW TO ME." "WHAT IS IT?" "BOLS." "MONSIEUR RENE," "SO FAR OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON A CIVILIZED" "AND FRIENDLY BASIS." "IF I HAVE BEEN, IN ANY WAY" "NO, NO, NO." "B-O-L-S." "BOLS." "OH, SO SORRY." "IT IS MOST INTRIGUING." "I WILL TRY SOME." "NO, NO." "I CANNOT OPEN THE BOTTLE" "JUST FOR ONE GIN." "MAKE IT TWO BOLS." "( laughs )" "YOU HAVE ONE ALSO." "NO, EVEN FOR TWO I CANNOT OPEN IT." "PERHAPS SHE WOULD LIKE ONE AS WELL." "YES, I WOULD LOVE ONE." "YOU DO NOT DRINK ON DUTY." " SINCE WHEN?" " SINCE NOW." "PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOUR WIFE ONE?" "OUT OF THE QUESTION." "VERY WELL, I WILL BUY THE WHOLE BOTTLE." "IT'S NOT FOR SALE." "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET RID OF ME?" "!" "NOT DELIBERATELY, NO." "( thumping softly ) EDITH." "RENE." "( thumping louder ) MARIA!" "YVETTE!" "WILL NOBODY ANSWER ME?" "I SAY, WOULD YOU MIND MAKING A LITTLE LESS NOISE?" "WE'RE TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP IN HERE." "MEN IN MY WARDROBE." " WHAT'S SHE SAYING?" " I'VE NO IDEA." "FRENCH IS ALL GREEK TO ME." "HOPE SHE'S NOT CALLING FOR MORE ONION SOUP." "IF SHE IS WE'LL HAVE TO STUFF MORE CHEWING GUM IN THE KEYHOLE." "'ALLO, MAMMA!" "IT IS I, YOUR DAUGHTER EDITH." "I HAVE BROUGHT YOU YOUR ONION SOUP." "OH MY GOD." "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ONION SOUP?" "BECAUSE WE ARE HELPING BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE" "DISGUISED AS ONION SELLERS" "AND WE CANNOT WASTE THE ONIONS." "COULD YOU NOT DISGUISE THE AIRMEN AS..." "BUTCHERS?" "THEN I COULD HAVE A GOOD STEAK." "DON'T BE DIFFICULT, MAMMA." "I AM AN INVALID." "INVALIDS HAVE..." "POACHED EGGS." "WHY CANNOT I HAVE POACHED EGGS?" "BECAUSE THE HENS, THEY ARE NOT LAYING." "IN MY DAY, WE MIXED THEIR CORN WITH GIN." "THAT IS ALWAYS MAKING THEM LAY." "ALSO IT WOULD DO ME GOOD." "RENE HAS A NEW BOTTLE." "I WILL BRING YOU SOME." "WHAT'S THE TIME, HANS?" "THAT IS NO GOOD." "MY EYES ARE RUNNING SO MUCH FROM THESE DAMNED ONIONS" "I CAN'T SEE." "NEITHER CAN I." "ONE WHOLE DAY WE'VE BEEN AWAY FROM THE OFFICE." "WHAT WILL THEY SAY IN BERLIN" "IF THEY FIND OUT WE'RE NOT THERE?" "I THINK THEY WILL BE VERY CROSS." "THAT FOOL OF A SENTRY" "DID NOT RECOGNIZE ME WHEN I TRIED TO GET IN." "BUT YOU HAD NO PAPERS." "HE HIT ME WITH HIS RIFLE BUTT." "A DISGRACEFUL WAY TO TREAT AN OLD PEASANT." "THERE'S HELGA." "SHE MAY HAVE SOME NEWS." "HERE, SIT DOWN." "COLONEL, I HAVE BAD NEWS." "I HAVE BEEN TO THE CLEANERS" "FOR YOUR SPARE UNIFORMS AND THEY ARE NOT READY." "YOU FOOL GIRL, YOU SHOULD'VE BROUGHT THEM AS THEY WERE." "YES, YOU SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT THEM AS THEY WERE, FOOL GIRL." "THEY HAVE BEEN SENT AWAY." "THEY HAVE GONE TO PARIS." "YOU ORDERED DELUXE SERVICE." "I DID NOT ORDER DELUXE SERVICE." "WHO ORDERED DELUXE SERVICE?" "I DID." "YOU AND YOUR CREASES." "YOU TRY TO BE SMART DOWN HERE." "YOU SHOULD BE SMART UP HERE." "I SENT MY HAT, ALSO." " I HAVE MORE NEWS." " IS IT GOOD OR BAD?" "HANS, I AM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER." "I ASK THE QUESTIONS." "IN THESE CLOTHES WE ARE EQUAL." "ON THE CONTRARY." "MY ONIONS ARE BIGGER THAN YOUR ONIONS," "AND I HAVE TWO ROWS." "LUCKY YOU." "TOMORROW MORNING AT 10:00," "GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN IS COMING TO INSPECT." "VON KLINKERHOFFEN?" "NOT THE VON KLINKERHOFFEN?" "HANS, YOU FOOL." "HOW MANY VON KLINKERHOFFENS DO YOU THINK THERE ARE?" "THE TELEGRAM IN YOUR OFFICE SAYS YOU ARE TO MEET HIM AT THE STATION." "THIS IS DISASTER." "CAN YOU IMAGINE THE STINK IN BERLIN?" "VON KLINKERHOFFEN" "MET BY TWO ONION SELLERS." "HITLER WILL DO HIS NUT." "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?" "WE COULD BORROW A REVOLVER." "TO SHOOT OURSELVES?" "I SUPPOSE THAT'S THE HONORABLE THING TO DO." "AFTER ALL, WE ARE OFFICERS AND SOLDIERS." "I" " I" " I" "I JUST THOUGHT WE COULD SHOOT OUR LITTLE TOES OFF." "THEN WE COULD GO TO HOSPITAL, WHERE THEY WEAR PAJAMAS." "NO..." "PERHAPS RENE HAS NEWS." "AH, RENE!" "YES, HERR ONION SELLER." "ONE MOMENT." "MONSIEUR LECLERC!" "MADAME." "TAKE THIS GIN TO MY MOTHER." "AH, GIN." "I HAD FORGOTTEN HOW IT SMELLS." "SO LONG HAVE I BEEN IN THE NICK." "MARIA." "TAKE THIS," "AND MIX IT WITH THE CORN FOR THE CHICKENS." "IT WILL HELP THEM TO LAY." "YES, COLONEL." "RENE, SIT DOWN." "THANK YOU, COLONEL." "LISTEN, RENE." "I WILL COME STRAIGHT TO THE POINT." "IF YOU DO NOT GET THESE UNIFORMS BY TONIGHT, YOU WILL BE SHOT." "YOU DON'T BEAT ABOUT THE BUSH, DO YOU COLONEL?" "I DO NOT." "WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT SOMETIME?" "IT IS BETTER FOR THE NERVES, ESPECIALLY MY NERVES." "DO WE GET THEM OR NOT?" "COLONEL, THEY ARE COMING FROM LONDON." " LONDON?" " THE LESS YOU KNOW, THE BETTER." "PUT SOME CHEESE IN YOUR EARS." "I'M AFRAID THERE WAS A SLIGHT DELAY, COLONEL." "THE TAILOR HAD TO GO TO A BAR MITZVAH." "A JEWISH TAILOR!" "OY VAY." "WHATEVER THAT MEANS." "I WILL SPEAK TO MICHE" "TO SOMEONE WHO WILL MAKE CONTACT." "THEY WILL TRY TO GET THEM DELIVERED TO US TONIGHT." "YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT." "SO DO OUR LITTLE TOES." "( clucking )" "COME, LITTLE CHICKENS." "COME ON." "IT'S DINNER TIME." "IT IS TIME I AM SINGING AGAIN." "I NEED SOMETHING TO STEADY MY NERVES." "YOU KNOW SINGING TO A CROWDED ROOM" "TAKES A SPECIAL KIND OF COURAGE." "IT'S LUCKY YOU ARE SO BRAVE." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT BOTTLE?" "I AM JUST GOING TO WET MY WHISTLE." "YOU FOOL, THIS COULD BLOW YOUR WHISTLE" "THROUGH THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD." "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?" "I AM SAYING IT IS TO BLOW UP A TRAIN." "I AM SAYING IT IS NITROGLYCERIN." "HELLO!" "BUT I HAVE GIVEN SOME TO MY MOTHER." " AND THE CHICKENS." " OH NO, THIS IS DISASTER." "THOSE ARE THE ONLY CHICKENS WE HAVE." "WHAT ABOUT MY MOTHER?" "MADAME." "( laughs )" "THAT DRINK, OH." "IT MAKE YOUR MAMMA VERY FRISKY." "WHAT HAPPENED?" "SHE GOT OUT OF BED," "WENT TO PICK UP HER SLIPPERS," "AND BLEW THE DOOR OFF THE WARDROBE." " OH MY GOD!" " QUICK, THE CHICKENS." "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "STOP THROWING THIS CORN SO HARD." " IT'S ALL GONE." " WHERE?" " INSIDE THE CHICKENS." " WHAT?" "WHERE ARE THE CHICKENS?" "WHERE THEY ALWAYS GO TO LAY THE EGGS," "BEHIND THE HEDGE." "( explosions )" "THAT WAS ONLY FIVE." "WHERE IS THE OTHER?" "THE COCKEREL CHASED HER INTO THE HEN HOUSE." "MMM, SOME BANG." "( clucking )" "YOU ARE LOOKING AT A WALKING LEGEND." "♪ HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ♪" "♪ TO BE, BOM BOM ♪" "♪ BY THE SEINE ♪" "♪ WITH ME, BOM BOM?" "♪" "I SAY, CARSTAIRS," "THE OLD GIRL'S A BIT OF A GOER, ISN'T SHE?" "LET'S HOPE THEY DON'T GIVE HER ANYTHING ELSE." "BETWEEN THE ONION SOUP AND THAT DRINK," "SHE'S MORE DANGEROUS THAN THE FLAK OVER BERLIN." "MAMMA!" "MAMMA." "ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?" "I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF MY PERFORMANCE." "SHUT UP." "ALL TOGETHER NOW, PLEASE." "Both:" "♪ HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ♪" "♪ DOWN BY THE SEINE WITH ME?" "♪" "♪ UNDER THE BRIDGE... ♪" "MY GOD, CARSTAIRS," "THIS IS A TERRIBLE WAR." "SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU." "I" " SHUT UP!" "RENE, LISTEN TO HER." "FOR ONCE SHE IS HAPPY." "YOU KNOW IT IS FROM HER I GET MY TALENT." "IT HAS TRAVELED VERY BADLY." "I HAVE TO LIFT THE BED TO GET TO THE RADIO TO TALK TO LONDON." "SHUT UP, YOU OLD BAT." "LIFT THE BED." "I THINK THEY WANT THE WIRELESS." "OH!" "OH." "'ALLO 'ALLO, THIS IS NIGHTHAWK." "CAN YOU HEAR ME, OVER?" "OF COURSE I CAN HEAR YOU." "NOT YOU." "SHUT UP." "Male voice:" "'Allo, Nighthawk." "'Allo, Nighthawk." "This is London." "Listen carefully." "I shall say this only once." "HERE, TAKE THIS TO TABLE THREE." "OH HECK," "HERE COMES TROUBLE." "IT'S OTTO FLICK OF THE GESTAPO." "GESTAPO!" "FOR GOD'S SAKE, ACT NORMALLY." "I AM ACTING NORMALLY." "ALWAYS I AM LIKE THIS WITH THE GESTAPO." "WELCOME, HERR FLICK." "MAY I FIND YOU A TABLE?" "I KNOW WHERE I WANT TO SIT." "OF COURSE, HERR FLICK." "WHY IS IT THAT WHEN I AM IN THE ROOM," "EVERYONE STOPS TALKING?" "IT IS IN CASE YOU WISH TO SAY ANYTHING, HERR FLICK." "I DO." "HEIL HITLER." "Germans:" "HEIL HITLER!" "WELL, YOU CAN'T FOLLOW THAT." "HAVE YOU FOUND OUT ANYTHING ABOUT THE MISSING PAINTING?" "NO, HERR FLICK." "NOT A SMELL OF IT." "IT IS POSSIBLE THE PEASANTS HAVE PENETRATED YOUR DISGUISE." "YOU MUST CHANGE BACK INTO YOUR UNIFORMS." "AT ONCE, HERR FLICK." "WELL, VERY NEARLY." "YOU HAVE HEARD OF THE ARRIVAL OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN?" "YES, HERR FLICK." "YOU WILL MEET HIM TOMORROW AT THE STATION." "YES, HERR FLICK." "HE WILL BE INSPECTING OUR DEFENSES" "AND ALL THE MAIN BUILDINGS." "DOES THAT INCLUDE THE HOSPITAL?" "WHY DO YOU ASK?" "IN CASE WE HAVE AN ACCIDENT, YOU KNOW." "WE WOULDN'T WANT TO MISS HIM, HERR FLICK." "HE IS A RUTHLESS MAN." "THE SLIGHTEST SIGN OF INEFFICIENCY" "AND YOU WILL BE POSTED." "TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT?" "IF YOU'RE LUCKY." "I WILL GO AND TIDY THE OFFICE" "AND ENSURE EVERYTHING IS IN ORDER." "NO!" "YOU WILL REPORT TO MY ROOM IN ONE HOUR." "YES, HERR FLICK." "MAY I ASK WHY?" "THERE ARE PERHAPS, CERTAIN THINGS" "YOU HAVE NOT REVEALED TO ME." "HERR FLICK" "HOW COULD I HIDE ANYTHING" "FROM THOSE STERN, PENETRATING EYES?" "WE SHALL SEE." "HEIL HITLER." " HEIL HITLER." " Hans:" "KLUP." "DO NOT BE LATE." "NO, HERR FLICK." "WHAT IF I AM EARLY?" "DO NOT BE EARLY EITHER!" "BE PUNCTUAL." "YES, HERR FLICK." "HEIL HITLER!" "All:" "HEIL HITLER!" "MONSIEUR LECLERC, CLEAN UP THAT MESS." "I HAVE GOOD NEWS, COLONEL." "THE UNIFORMS?" "THEY ARE ON THEIR WAY." "AND WE ARE GOING TO SEND BACK THE PAINTING TO LONDON TO BE COPIED." "I THOUGHT THEY WERE COMING BY PARACHUTE." "NO, NO." "TONIGHT, A PLANE WILL LAND" "SOMEWHERE IN FRANCE." "WHAT'S THE USE OF SOMEWHERE IN FRANCE?" "WE WANT IT HERE." "THIS IS SOMEWHERE IN FRANCE," "BUT IF I TOLD YOU TOO MUCH, THE RESISTANCE WOULD SHOOT ME." "WE WILL MEET THE PLANE WITH YOU." "NO, NO, DEAR COLONEL," "I DON'T THINK THE RESISTANCE WOULD LIKE THAT." "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR CAFE BLOWN UP," "AND YOU AND YOUR WIFE PUT UP AGAINST A WALL AND SHOT?" "YOU WOULD NOT DO THAT." "NO, BUT HERR FLICK WOULD." "WE MIGHT BE WITH YOU." "I WILL SEE WHAT CAN BE DONE." "EXCUSE ME, COLONEL." "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SING AGAIN?" "I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR RENE." "A MAN HAS ARRIVED" "TO READ THE GAS METER." "EDITH, WE HAVE NO METER BECAUSE WE HAVE NO GAS." "WHY DO YOU NOT STOP WASTING MY TIME, WOMAN?" "WHY DO YOU NOT JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN?" "THE GIRL MICHELLE IS HERE FROM THE RESISTANCE." "AH, A CLUE AT LAST!" "I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE HELPING THE RESISTANCE." "WE WILL ARREST THIS GIRL, WE WILL MAKE HER TALK" "AND WE WILL BE HEROES." "WITH MEDALS!" "WITHOUT UNIFORMS TO PIN THEM ON." "COLONEL, THAT GIRL IS THE ONLY PERSON" "WHO KNOWS WHERE THE PLANE WILL LAND." "I SEE WE ARE IN IT UP TO HERE." "THAT MAKES IT WELL OVER MY HEAD." "( whispering )" " RENE." " RENE." "COME." "RENE." "IT'S ALL CLEAR, RENE." "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "ARE YOU FRIGHTENED?" "OF COURSE I'M FRIGHTENED." "THE COUNTRYSIDE IS FULL OF HIDDEN DANGERS." "I'VE JUST TRODDEN IN ONE." "SIGNAL FOR THE OTHERS." "( whistles loudly )" "COULD YOU NOT DO AN OWL OR SOMETHING SIMILAR?" "IT IS THE ONLY SIGNAL I KNOW." "WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO WHISTLE LIKE THAT?" "WHEN SHE WAS WORKING IN PARIS." "SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING TO ATTRACT ATTENTION." "RENE, YOU DID NOT TELL US WE WOULD BE HELPING" "TWO BRITISH OFFICERS TO ESCAPE AS WELL." "WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS." "THEY WILL GO BACK ON THE PLANE" "THAT BRINGS YOUR UNIFORMS." "THEN WE CAN ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER." "FAIRFAX, WHAT'S GOING ON?" "I'VE NO IDEA," "BUT ANYTHING'S BETTER THAN THAT DAMN WARDROBE." "DON'T MOVE." "MICHELLE." "WHY ARE YOU WEARING SUNGLASSES?" "SO THESE GERMANS DON'T RECOGNIZE ME AGAIN." "LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, WE HAVE A PROBLEM." "UP THE ROAD IS A BRIDGE." "ON THE BRIDGE IS A GERMAN SENTRY." " WHAT?" " THERE IS ONLY ONE THING TO DO." "GO HOME?" "NO." "THESE GERMAN OFFICERS" "MUST GIVE THE SENTRY ORDERS TO LET US PAST." "BUT WE ARE DRESSED AS ONION SELLERS." "YOU MUST CONVINCE THEM," "OTHERWISE YOU DO NOT GET YOUR UNIFORMS." "HANS." "HOLD MY ONIONS." "HALT!" "OR I FIRE." "I AM COLONEL VON STROHM," "TOWN COMMANDANT." "STAND TO ATTENTION WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU." "WHY ARE YOU DRESSED AS A SMELLY PEASANT?" "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS." "WHERE ARE YOUR PAPERS?" "SHE HAS KILLED HIM." "NO, HE IS JUST UNCONSCIOUS." "RENE, WE ARE GERMAN OFFICERS." "WE CANNOT BE A PARTY TO KNOCKING OUT OUR OWN TROOPS." "BUT COLONEL, HE WAS THE ONE WHO HIT YOU WITH HIS RIFLE BUTT." "SO HE DID." " THUG." " ( plane approaching )" "THAT IS THE PLANE." "IT WILL LAND IN THE NEXT FIELD." "THIS WAY." "( plane engine humming )" "HERE IT IS." "I'LL GIVE THE SIGNAL." "HAVE YOU GIVEN THE SIGNAL?" "HE IS COMING IN NOW." "STAND BY." "COME ON." "DON'T WASTE TIME." "HELLO." "IS THIS THE RIGHT PLACE?" "AN ENGLISHMAN, THANK GOD." "WHERE'S THE UNIFORMS?" "I WILL ASK HIM." "I SAY, OLD CHAP, DO YOU HAVE THE UNIFORMS?" "BETTER THAN THAT." "I'VE BROUGHT THE TAILOR." "GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE." "MY NAME IS KLEIN, FROM SOLOMON AND KLEIN." "I HAVE THE CUSTOMERS' SUITS RIGHT HERE." "PERHAPS THE COLONEL WOULD LIKE TO TRY HIS JACKET FIRST?" "I SAY CARSTAIRS," "THIS KITE'S ONLY GOT TWO SEATS." "I EXPECT THE TAILOR'S STAYING BEHIND," "AND WE CAN SIT ON EACH OTHER'S LAP ON HIS SEAT." "BAGS, I ON TOP." "OH DEAR." "SIR HAS PUT ON A BIT OF WEIGHT, HASN'T HE?" "WHERE DO YOU WEAR YOUR HOLSTER," "ON THE RIGHT OR THE LEFT?" "THESE SHOULDERS ARE VERY WIDE." "YES, THOSE SHOULDERS SEEM AWFULLY WIDE." "DON'T WORRY, THEY'RE COMING BACK." "YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT." "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?" "DON'T WORRY." "IT'S ONLY A FITTING." "WHAT TIME CAN SIR MANAGE NEXT WEEK?" "WHY DON'T WE GO BACK," "AND YOU STAY BEHIND AND FINISH THE SUITS?" "ARE YOU MAD?" "IT'S ASCOT WEEK." "THE WORKROOM'S CHOC-A-BLOC!" "OFF WE GO THEN, CHAPS." "Rene:" "QUICK, GIVE HIM THE PAINTING." "DON'T FORGET, WE WANT A COPY OF THIS." "RIGHT-O." "CONTACT." "( engine starts )" "WELL, IT LOOKS TO ME THAT WE HAVE TO MEET" "GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN IN OUR PAJAMAS." "( theme music playing )"