"Don't forget: we're gonna talk about my birthday." "No problem." "So, Brian, your birthday is Thursday..." "How old are you gonna be?" "Seven." "How old are you, Alf?" "229 in August." "Gosh!" "How'd you blow out 229 candles?" "Eh, blowing them out was easy." "Lighting them was trouble." "See, by the time you're half finished, your wrist is on fire!" "Yeah, I kill me!" "Have you decided what you want on your birthday cake, Bri'?" "Frosting!" "Brian, your mother wants to know what kind of decoration you want on your cake." "Robin Hood, Hupel and Cassidy, Archie and Jughead?" "Who are they?" "People Mom and Dad went to school with." "Perhaps, those were outdated examples" "Hey, what about my favorite character on the cake?" "Ruth, the two-headed nurse." " Ruth?" " The two-headed nurse?" "Yeah!" "She was the Venowite of Melmac." "And the Bedywite." "Why don't we let Brian choose his own cake decoration?" "I just can't decide right now." "If he hasn't decided by noon tomorrow, we go with Ruth." "Fine." "Give me five!" "Yeah!" "Give me four!" "856... 857... 858..." "859... 860... 861..." "Hey!" "Let me know when you're gonna do that, will you?" "Excuse me, I just wanted to get something out of the dryer." "Well, don't take the sheep." "I'm counting it." "You can't sleep, eh?" "Another week." "Feel like chatty?" "What is it, Alf?" "I'm really depressed about Brian's birthday." "Why?" "The two-headed nurse is gonna be on the cake." "It reminds me of how I'll never have another birthday with my friends!" "Oh, Alf, you didn't have a lot of birthdays with you friends?" "You're 228." " Yeah, but that last one was a real bummer." " How come?" "Well, the one thing - the planet exploded!" "But it wasn't just that..." "I was finally gonna get together with my true love..." "Rhonda." "You know, I really should turn this off before that sheep gets scorched." " You don't want to hear this, do you?" " Sure I do." "Tell me about Rhoda." "Rhoda?" "Well, I thought she was funny when she was on Mary's show, but when she got her own series, they married her off too soon." " Weren't we talking about your girlfriend?" " Oh, Rhonda?" "Yeah... what a knockout..." "Our very first date was gonna be on my birthday." "The night your planet blew up?" "That's right." "I was brushed and curried and ready for love" "Then when it came..." ""Robert guards, man your battle stations!"" "The rest is history." "Sayonara, Melmacian." "Sayonara, Rhonda." " I'm sorry, Alf." " Thanks." "Well, good night, Willy." "Reminds me a little of me and Marsha Shankin." "I said, Good night!" "All right..." "Tell me about you and the Martian." "Not the Martian!" "Marsha." "Marsha Shankin." "That was someone I knew before I met your moth..." "Kate." "I had a really serious crush on Marsha Shankin." "By the time I got the nerve up to ask her out, she moved to Toledo." "Uncanny!" "My planet blew up, and some girl you knew moved to Ohio." " Good night Alf." " Good night Willy." "1... 2... 3... 4... 5..." "Hey-hey-hey!" "Stella!" " So..." "Happy birthday, Gordo." " Thanks, Skipper." "Hey Gordon." "You got a date later?" "Maybe." "Maybe not." "He's got a date!" " Alright." "Who gets the chili cat?" " Hey, over here, cutie." " Phelonion fries, no gravy." " Right here!" " Whisker omlet, tail on the side." " Yo!" " Happy birthday, big boy!" " Thanks!" "I think, she likes you, big boy!" "She's got legs like a..." "like a Lunar Lander." "She is no Rhonda." "What about Rhonda?" "C'mon!" "Who are you kidding?" "That's who you got a date with." "Alright." "I got a date with Rhonda." "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" " Alf!" "Alf, wake up!" "Wake up!" " A-a-ah!" ".. o, a, oh!" "What's the matter?" "You were...you were talking asleep, you were shouting, you were singing!" " What was I singing?" " I don't know." "It was something by "The Beach Boys"" ""Little doop scoop"?" "No, it was that one with Rhonda in the title." " Rhonda..." " Are you OK?" " I don't think so, Willy." " What's wrong?" "Everything." "I wanna go home." "Just fluff them up, just a bit... oh..." "How is the tempt, Lynn?" "425 degrees, Alf." "Normal." "Normal - is being on your own planet, not here." "Alf, I know you miss your friends and family, but we are your family now, and..." "and we'd do anything for you." "Wouldn't we, Mom?" "I think, we are." "Any chance of reheating this soup?" "My pleasure." "Oh, and you might want to run a dust buster over this couch." "I seem to be shedding." "Alf, I'm not going all the way out to the garage to get the dust buster." "Be realistic, Kate!" "It's not gonna come to you!" "Alf, I'm gonna tell you something now." "And I want you to listen to me." "Very carefully." "Let me get the dust buster" "Now, I realize that you miss Rhonda." "And that you're homesick." "And people that are sick are not themselves." "They say things they don't mean, they act in ways they wouldn't  ordinarily act, but if you ever talk to me like that again - I'll punch your heart out." "Fair enough." "This is K726 XAA, Los Angeles." "Is there anyone out there from the planet Melmac?" "Hey!" "This isn't fair!" "We are in there nursing a shedding alien, and you guys are out here having fun!" "No, we are not!" "We are not having fun." "We're trying to contact someone from Melmac." "Yeah, like maybe I'll score from Rhonda" "Yeah, we thought if we could contact another Melmacian, if Alf knew that he weren't the last of his species, maybe he'd cheer up." "How is that?" "It's a little hot, but I'm too weak to blow..." "Would you mind?" "Why don't we just set it down and let it cool off." "Good idea." "And maybe you could massage my feet while it cools." "Or not." "Maybe if you got of the couch and walked on you feet, you might feel better." "Walk?" "I can hardly blink!" "I'm exhausted." "What's going in here?" "Should I wait to do this?" "Tomorrow would be better." "By then I'll be completely bald." "It's usually the last the last stage before  the end." " Alf!" " Here, keep this somewhere in a safe place." ""Last will and Testiment"?" "I, Gordon Shamway..." "Shamway?" "Don't blab that around till I'm gone." "... do hereby bequeath all of my worldly and cosmic goods ..." "We made contact!" "We made contact!" "With some Melmacian." "It's somebody named Skip." "Give me that!" "And you never heard the name Shamway!" "Hey!" "We'd you guys go?" "I don't have all day." "It's really him!" "It's Skip!" "Skip, Skip, can you hear me?" "Yeah-yeah." "Hear you loud and clear." "Who was I talking to before?" " Oh, that was one of the kids." " Kids?" "You got kids now?" "Well, they're not mine." "I mean, I'm just living with them and their parents." " Hi Skip!" "I'm Brian!" " Hi kid." "I'm Willy, and this is Kate." "Kate, say "Hi" to Skip!" "Hi..." "Skip." "Where are you?" "I got to Hambetal, I head up to Andromeda." "Give me your coordinates." "I'll do a fly-by, pick you up tomorrow." "About sevenish." " Oh, ah, tomorrow?" "That's Brian's birthday." " Yeah, you can come to my birthday party." "Sure!" "We'd love to have you." "Wouldn't we, dear?" "Right!" "Mikasa-sukasa." "Skip, Skip!" "Can you maybe make it next week?" "I hate to miss Brian's birthday, and Friday - the transvestites are back on Donahue." "Do what you have to do." "But I know someone else is gonna be really disappointed." "Rhonda." "Rhonda?" "You've seen Rhonda?" "Seen her?" "She's right here!" "Hey, say something, sweetheart." "Hi, cutie!" "Forget the transvestites." "See you tomorrow!" "Yeah!" "OK, there!" "There we go!" "What do you think, Brian?" "It's the worst day in my life." "Bri', we know how much Alf means to you." "But honey, he wants to be with his old friends again." "Am I interrupting something?" "Not really." "We were just hanging up this "Happy birthday" sign," "Brian was about to cry..." "Eh, come here Tiger!" "Willy, hold this." "Come here." "Look, try to understand." "If you were living on Melmac with me, and  and you had a chance to come back home to your family, you'd go." "Wouldn't you?" "I'd never leave you, Alf." " This isn't going well." " No, it's not." "Brian, this is just something I have to do." "And I know that, even though you don't believe this, some day you gonna understand." "Hey Kate, I don't suppose there is any chance of taking Lucky with me, is there?" " No." " Alright, alright." "Willy, you better let him out of there." " Oh." "No!" " Sorry, Lucky." "You would have liked Skip." "And I know Skip would have liked you." "Alf, we thought you might want some cake before you go." "Hey!" "That's me on that cake." " It's an "Alf" cake." " That's what Brian wanted." "I'm speechless." "Lynn, this is really nice of you!" "Mom made it." " Kate!" "I didn't know you cared." " Well, it was a mix." "Bye Alf!" "We'll never forget you." " Alf, Alf this has been an incredible experience." "You've enriched our lives, you've given us a chance to learn from you." " Thank you, my friend." " So long, Willy." "Good bye." "Come on, Katie, give us a hug." " Good bye, Alf." "Good luck." " That's all you have to say?" "It's a long trip, and if you have to use the bathroom, now would be a good time." "I don't, but thanks for the concern." "Come on, Brian." "Give us a hug." " Oh, Alf..." " Happy birthday, kid." " I love you." " Yeah, me to." "Well, I'm in the wind." "Ciao." "Arrivederci." "Good bye." "And good night Mrs. Ochmonek, wherever you are." "It's so strange to have food here and not to have Alf." "Hey, B., what do you say - we have pieces of cake!" "Not until the spaceship comes to pick up Alf." "Come on, come on over here son." "He's not even gone yet." "And I miss him already." "He was so funny." "Remember the time he set the shower on fire?" "I do." "I was in it." "I thought it was funny when he buried the couch." "I remember." "I was on it." "Remember the time he was helping change the tire and pulled the jack away from the car?" "I remember." "I was under it." "We all have some wonderful memories, eh?" "He did keep things interesting." "You never now what he was gonna say next, what he'd do next, what he'd turn up..." "Que pasa?" "Alf!" "Alf!" "You're back!" "Alf, what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be on the roof?" "I just wanted to give you your watch back." "It is my watch." "You know, Skip is gonna be by to pick you up in just 30 seconds!" "Well, look it!" "I forgot to give Brian his birthday presents." "Oh, it's so sweet!" "There you go, kid." "Melmacian dice." "Every roll is a 7." "You are a winner." "Well Alf, that's wonderful, but you're gonna miss your ride!" "This is... 13 seconds to go!" "Hey-hey-hey!" "Hold it!" "Wait a minute." "Why is everyone trying to give me the bum's rush here?" " I still got a couple of things I wanna say." " 10 seconds!" "Let me finish." "Now..." "I know that I haven't always been what you might call "a model alien"..." " You are stalling!" " Stalling?" "Stalling?" "Stalling?" " Stalling!" " Are you saying I'm stalling?" "Eh?" "You think I'd rather stay here with you guys, than sail across the Cosmos with Skip and  Rhonda?" " You missed your ride!" " Yeah." "I guess I did." "He's staying!" "Alf's staying!" "You gave up Rhonda for us?" "Ah..." "She'll only want me more after a couple of centuries." "Aren't you gonna miss her?" "Yeah." "But I guess what it boils down to is I'd miss you more." "You love us that much?" " Yeah, I guess I do." " We love you too, Alf." " We really do." " Let's not get muddling!" "Welcome home, Alfmeister!" "Say, what is that scratching noise?" " What scratching noise?" " It's coming from you suitcase." " What suitcase?" " Lucky!" "You bad boy!" "What are you doing in there?" "I told him, "No suitcase!" "No suitcase!"" "You know Alf, I've had mixed feelings about you." "But I realize that you just made a big sacrifice to stay with us, and I'm really touched." " You had mixed feelings about me?" " A few." " I had a few about you, too." " Yeah?" "Yeah!" "I still don't feel properly thanked for saving you from that shower fire, but we'll talk about that later." "Right now I'm bushed." "I'd like to go over to the couch over here and lie down for a few days." "Maybe, have some soup..." "Oh!" "And another big slob of that Alf-cake would be great!" "Still didn't vacuum this, did you?" "Skip!" "Rhonda!" "Come back!"