"I had a book report on Madame Bovary coming up." "So, being the serious student that I am," "I went out rented the movie." "Whoa, whoa." "Move aside." "This is homework." "This is homework, too." "We're reading Pride and Prejudice." "Shame on you." "Shame on both of you." "Raja had a reason to be bitter." "Even though his vocabulary was better than anyone else in the school, they stuck him in English as a Second Language." "Ball." "Ball." "Bah." "Ball." "Without my DVD player," "I was just going to have to do my English assignment the old-fashioned way." "Look at you, working so hard." "Hello." "Franny Tolchuck?" "Sandy Shermer." "Sandy Shermer dedicated her life to maintaining the moral integrity of our community." "She was also the scariest person" "I'd ever seen in capris." "Oh, hi, Sandy." "How's it going?" "I know you're busy and I'm busy, too, so I'll get right to the point." "Have you seen the English assignment your son came home with this afternoon?" "Well, yeah, he's sitting right here working on it." "They're reading this Madame Bovarv." "I assume you haven't read it." "Uh, no, I can't say that I have." "Smut!" "Well, it can't be." "It's a Dover classic." "When Jimmy brought it home today," "I looked it up on a parent watch site." "It's practically a how-to manual on fornication and adultery!" "But it can't be!" "It's a Dover cl" "I can teach those things just fine in my own home, thank you very much." "I'm having an emergency parent meeting at my home tomorrow night." "I want to put together a group to go in and talk to Matthews." "This wasn't the first time my mother had gotten an emergency call from Sandy." "The first time looked like this:" "It's called Y2K and it's gonna kill us all!" "Which is why she tended to take Sandy's warnings with a grain of salt." "This is urgent, Franny." "If we don't stop them now, they're gonna be having our kids writing book reports on..." "Esquire magazine." "You know what, Sand?" "Gare just walked through the door, and he's as hungry as a bear." "I'm gonna have to call you back, okay, hon?" "Okeydoke." "Bye-bye." "What was that?" "Oh, nothing." "Mrs. Shermer is just starting another committee is all." "I couldn't be sure exactly what brand of craziness" "Sandy Shermer had spewed at my mother." "But I heard enough that the prospect of actually reading the book became interesting for the first time." "Sure enough," "Madame Bovary was everything Sandy Shermer had promised." "The Cliff Notes left out practically all the good stuff." "Now I can't explain this next part, unless I let you in on a little secret." "My whole life, I've always loved to draw." "Look at what you did, Mr. Man." "I know where this is going." "I was known for my drawing." "People besides my mother actually thought I didn't suck at it." "Until around age 14, when, suddenly, the pictures stopped." "But you used to love to draw!" "How come you don't do it anymore?" "I'm sorry, Mom." "I'm just not inspired." "But I was inspired." "It just wasn't the kind of inspiration you could show your mom." "Justin, come down for breakfast!" "In retrospect,maybe the most amazing thing was that this hadn't happened earlier." "==ÆÆÀÃÐÜÀÖÔ°ÇãÇé·îÏ×==- ±¾×ÖÄ"½ö¹©Ñ§Ï°½"Á÷£¬ÑÏ½ûÓÃÓÚÉÌÒµÓÃÍ¾" "=ÆÆÀÃÐÜ×ÖÄ"×é=- ·­Òë£º¸öÈËID Ð£¶Ô£º¸öÈËID Ê±¼äÖá:" "Breezy" "Hey, hon!" "Let me tell you about this day of mine." "We've got trouble." "Okay, let's do that." "Look at what Justin's been drawing." "Justin's drawing again?" "That sounds like good news..." "Oh, boy." "Sandy Shermer was right." "They give him that trash to read at school." "Of course this is where his mind goes." "This Madame Bovary's a busy gal." "He used to draw ponies and rainbows." "And now that book has turned him into a pornographer!" "Oh, now, hon." "When they have x's on their eyes, does that mean they're dead?" "Oh, God, I can't even think about that." "Hey." "Well, I don't know what to say to him." "I know it's disturbing, but it's just a couple of pictures." "I'll go talk to him." "Hey, son." "Hey." "You've, uh... drawn some pictures." "I don't know why I do it, Dad." "It's like the only thing I want to draw anymore." "Uh, Justin, at a certain age images become powerful." "It's like I can't stop it sometimes." "It's, it's, it's like it's all I want to do." "How long have you been doing it?" "Couple years." "Well, that would explain all the detail." "That's just what I did yesterday." "What?" "Hold on." "Oh..." "Th-This is-is a lot..." "to process." "There's more in my locker at school." "Well, I'm glad we talked." "What...?" "Dad?" "Dad?" "I'll be damned if I know what to say to the boy." "But you're his father!" "If he had a stack of magazines," "I could tell him not to worry about it." "But all the boy does is draw." "He draws and draws and draws." "Alone, secretly, in his room." "Three or four times a day." "His hands are probably too tired to do anything else." "Well, we're not just gonna stand around and do nothing," "I can tell you that." "So determined was my mother to not do nothing, that she joined the army of Sandy Shermer." "We've had it!" "Ladies." "When we send our children into this school, we expect them to be protected from the smut and the filth and the slime." "You know, let me just say, off the record." "all of you ladies look terrific." "Oh." "We're talking about this!" "Madame Bovary?" "That book has been found to be dangerous by four different parents' groups, Carl." "It promotes values we don't agree with, and we want it taken out of the school." "Ladies..." "I can't tell the English Department to ban a book, especially a classic." "It goes against the fundamental principles of public education." "It's un-American." "Now you listen to me, Carl." "Principal Willard's going to be retiring at the end of this year." "This committee's gonna have a big problem if the school board tries to replace him with a smut peddler." "I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Papazian, but I'm afraid Madame Bovary will no longer be read in this school." "What?" "!" "The decision came down from above." "I am not allowed to give details, but believe me, it is for the best." "Just make up a new reading list and send it down to my office." "And so began the noble quest of Sandy Shermer and my mom to banish the 19th century literature" "?" "" "Oh, very objectionable." "And so, with my mom on board," "Sandy's book banning committee kicked into high gear." "Uh-oh." "Is this a casting session for America's Next Top Model?" "We wanthese books gone, too." "Meanwhile, after my dad's little talk with me," "I felt more confused than ever." "Hello." "I did not see you at lunch today." "Yeah, I, uh, been kinda laying low." "Is something wrong?" "There wasn't anyone else to turn to, and Raja had always been great to talk to about any other subject, so..." "I think I'm obsessed with sex." "Okay." "I mean more than most people." "You know, sometimes I feel like it's all I can think about." "And I know you're religious, and I know you probably don't want to be hearing about all of this." "I have these thoughts frequently myself." "Yeah?" "Mmm." "I talked to an imam in Pakistan about this." "He taught me to pray to deal with such feelings." "Yeah, well, I can't do that, so, I..." "I don't know, I sit down with, you know, a pen and paper and... these ideas come out." "I look at these pictures..." "I guess it didn't occur to me how big an effect these images would have on Raja." "The fact is, these were the first images of a naked woman that Raja had ever seen." "I cannot look at these." "What?" "I am very sorry." "I wish I could help." "I am sorry." "And so, the list of peoplewho thought was growing smaller and smaller." "Meanwhile, Claire got a surprise in her own English class." "And so, for your next assignment," "I want to do something special." "We're all going to compare the book of Pride and Prejudice to the movie." "Horrified by the prospect of actually having to read a book," "Claire decided to take advantage of our mother's new project." "Hey, sweetie." "Hey." "Something wrong?" "It's just the reading for English." "I don't know this one." "A lot of the girls find it really embarrassing to talk about this kind of stuff in school." "What do you mean?" "It's just... there's so much sex." "Don't you worry about it." "Hi." "Sandy, got another one for the list." "Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen." "Now Raja was feeling terrible that he hadn't been able to give me any advice." "He started to wonder if he might be able to come up with some guidance for me by studying my drawings very, very closely." "At least that's what he told himself." "Probably the scariest part of this whole development was that Raja was learning about the female anatomy from me." "Not surprisingly," "Raja's in-depth research didn't yield much except to fill Raja with guilt and anxiety" "24 hours a day." "Hey, man." "What?" "What is it?" "!" "Nothing." "I was just saying hey." "W- well... hey, then... man." "Since my notebook hadn't given him any insight into my problem," "Raja decided to get rid of it and figure out some other way to help me." "Justin." "Hey." "I felt really terrible" "I was not able to advise you before." "Oh, no, it's okay." "Forget it." "So I went online to look for a place that could help you." "At first, I Googled "teen sex,"" "which was not a very good idea." "But then, I found this place in Decatur." ""Planned Teenhood"?" "Mm-hmm." "You can go there anytime." "It is a health organization designed to answer exactly the kinds of questions you are having." "Apparently, you are not the only one wondering what normal is." "You meet some interesting kids in the waiting room of Planned Teenhood." "You like kids?" "Uh, sure." "You want to go to my prom?" "Justin Tolchuck?" "Yup, that's me." "So why don't you tell me what's on your mind." "I" " I-I just wanted to know if it's okay... to be thinking about sex all the time." "I mean I know everybody does to some extent, but, like, how much is too much?" "Because sometimes I feel like my ability to do other things isn't the same as other people because my brain is..." "Ow!" "What was that?" "You're not thinking about sex now, are you?" "Not as much." "Have you accepted Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior?" "Wait... this isn't a health organization?" "This is a religious place?" "I guess the cat's out of the bag." "But now that our cards are on the table," "I want to tell you about a friend of mine who can help you out with this very serious problem of yours." "Yeah, well, I'm not religious." "Jesus can't help me." "He's the only way." "He's not the only way." "I mean, my friend in the waiting room is Muslim and he's fine." "We've got somebody working on him right now." "What we want to propose to you is a rigorous program of prayer and self-punishment that will set your soul on the path to righteousness." "Ow!" "What is wrong with you?" "!" "You were thinking about sex, weren't you?" "A little." "We lay it all out for you in these booklets." "And there's a ruler in there, which you can keep as a free gift." "Oh, thank you." "I'll be sure to read all of this." "?" "?" "influence of Jane Austen, my sister and her friends had time to catch up on their TV." "Oh, yeah..." "What's that?" "Well, all the members of the committee are going through our houses to look for books that are on the list." "And then, bright and early tomorrow, we're gonna dump them in a landfill." "Sandy wanted to do a bonfire, but some of the gals thought that was too Nazi." "These were in the attic?" "Yeah, I think they were from high school." "Story of O." "No, sirree Bob." "Swiss Family Robinson, that's a good one." "Treasure Island." "Everybody Poops." "I suppose that's okay." "Hello, Mr. Tolchuck." "Mrs. Tolchuck." "Oh, hello, Raja." "Mmm, Pride and Prejudice." "Uh-uh, paws off, Raja." "You do not need that smut messing with your mind." "But I know this book." "I read it two years ago." "Before English became my second language." "You read that?" "Oh, yes, Jane Austen is very popular in Pakistan." "I thought you had censorship in Pakistan." "That's one of the ways your country's backwards." "But this is an innocent story about love and social manners." "What?" "!" "Believe me, there is nothing to censor in Pride and Prejudice." "* Come with me, I'll fill you with desire *" "* Take my hand and we'll walk this land together... *" "Morning." "* Come on, baby, baby..." "Hmm..." "I suppose you think you're pretty clever, don't ya?" "Okay." "There is absolutely nothing dirty in this book." "Oh." "It's boring." "It's long winded, the sentences go on forever, but there's not one ounce of smut." "But, Mom..." "Don't "But, Mom" me, missy." "You and I are gonna have a talk when I get back." "* Come on, baby, baby..." "Sandy, we need to talk." "Franny, I'm glad you're here." "Once we bury these, we're going through the dictionaries." "Ladies, I want all of you to submit candidates for offensive words." "Tomorrow, we'll go through "A" to "G."" "I think we're going much too fast with this." "What do you mean?" "Well, I read these last night, at least most of them." "Madame Bovary has a few risque parts, but it's really not that bad." "And Pride and Prejudice has no sex at all." "You read these?" "Yes, and I think we ought to look at all these other books before we go throwing them into landfills." "So you shared our values, then you read these books, and now you feel more permissive." "On, no, that's not what I'm saying..." "Do we need any more evidence of how this kind of trash affects people?" "Sandy!" "And this is a grown woman." "Imagine what it would do to the mind of a small child?" "This is God's work, girls!" "Justin, what are you doing?" "Uh, I was just measuring my... wrist." "Son, uh, I think we ought to talk about what's gone on here in the last few days." "Uh, no, no-no-no, we don't have to." "No, I-I think we do." "You, uh, showed me your many, many, many drawings, and I was understandably speechless." "But I think I may have, in some way, let you down." "Oh, no, no, I wasn't disappointed." "I've lived here a long time." "I just wanted to let you know that what you're going through is-is... not as unusual or as deeply twisted as you think." "Really?" "The preoccupation with sex can come out in a lot of ways." "Here." "What is this?" "That was mine in high school." "I used to do a little thing with the letter "O."" "Put dots in them?" "Breasts" " I made them into breasts." "You did this to every "O" in the book?" "Every single one, never missed a one." "But they don't even look like breasts." "Hey, we can't all be artists." "The double "O's" are a little more convincing." ""Room. "" ""Broom. "" ""Look. " Yeah, I liked those." ""Voodoo" was a real treat." "Wow, this must have taken you hours." "And hours and hours and hours." "But the point is, at your age, you're a little bit insane." "You're going through something now that is perfectly normal." "Okay?" "Eventually you will grow out of it." "Dad, uh..." "Well, this does make me feel better." "Uh... even though Mom still thinks I'm a perv." "I'll talk to her." "Thank you." "It's the least I can do for you." "I'm gonna need that book back." "Yeah." "The book banning controversy continued to blaze at Medora High for another several weeks." "In the meantime, Mom decided to give Claire a reading assignment to do at home." "Eventually, Sandy's crusade came to an end when she finally went too far." "Read "Genesis. " It's full of smut." "You want to ban the Bible?" "I felt okay about myself in a way that I hadn't for a long time." "* I can't make it in time" "* Oversleepin' on Monday..." "And Dooley made it his business to make sure that students at Medora High would alwaysmaintain their love for literature." "* Oversleepin' on Monday" "* I don't care, let's pretend that it's Sunday... *"