"Good evening, Lithuania!" "You're listening to M-1 and our special Valentine's Day program." "That's right, and at the broadcast console and mic we have two of your favorite ladies' men, most eligible bachelors..." "Studs!" "Well, I don't know if were studs, but well, yeah, OK- studs..." "Untamed mustangs!" "Aistis and Mindaugas!" "It's a special day, a special evening, a special show, and we want everyone to participate, we want everyone to meet someone, so that no one - not in Kaunas, not in Vilnius," "not in Siauliai or Kaisiadorys or Panevezys - so that no one is left alone." "That's right, and when you're talking about Valentine's Day, you immediately want to say the word "Tratata"!" "What does "Tratata" mean?" "What does "Tratata" mean? "Tratata" means... ls this an insinuation?" "No, it just means what it means, since, well," "Valentines Day used to be more to watch over people in love or whatever, and now I think people kind of associate the holiday more with, like, physical, I mean - carnal - pleasures, so nowadays, let's say, well, it's a lot easier to make love" "than it is to sometimes just have a cup of coffee." "And then especially to make love when such great Valentines Day music is playing." "Our first gift, from us to you!" "Oh, I don't know..." "Having sex with a condom, well, you know, it's like soy meat - meat, but not meat." "So you chew on it like it was some kind of sponge, as if that was really healthy, right?" "it's like in bed." "You feel like one little move and you'll be able to smell the stupid rubber." "And that's considered fun?" "Come on, what kind of fun is that, huh?" "And me and Zhenya, we like to move around..." "The other night I was shouting so loud, so loud that - can you believe it - the neighbors began to knock." "I don't get it, don't people do anything these days?" "What else, right, my pills..." "Well, I write it down on my hand, but so what," "I still forget to take them every day." "I don't get it..." "But you know, I'm pretty regular, but when I'm late I go crazy," "I just go crazy, you know, I'm still too young for kids..." "Do you feel any discomfort?" "Any what?" "Well I'm putting afoot and a half of wire in there." "So I want to know - is there any discomfort?" "Valentine, you're so gentle..." "If my Zhenya was like you I'd give him some every day..." "Some what every day?" "Think about it, I can ditch him any time." "You won't be sorry..." "As usual, I'll think about it." "Careful." "Do you want to come in?" "Actually... no." "It's not you, you're really beautiful." "Seriously." "I'm really happy that we can just go have dinner just like that, as friends, and be so... civil." "Well yeah, really." "It's been so long." "It was good to, you know, see you after all that time." "Very." "Yeah." "It's just that it's late." "For one." "For another, we work at the same place," "I don't know about you, but I've..." "Well basically, it can become complicated." "And I want us to have time to get to know each other, so that you can see that I asked you out not just because I wanted to get invited in." "Basically there's like a million reasons why..." "So, well... good." "Right." "Um..." "Good, good, I'll see you." "Bye." "Bye." "Oh." "Hi." "Hi." "It's me..." "How old are you?" "22?" "20." "There, you see?" "And I'm 31." "You know, you get to a point when you tell yourself: hey dude, enough running around." "It was fun, it was nice, but there comes a time when you have to stop, slow down and..." "I feel like there could be something special between us, so that's why I want..." "You know what I mean?" "You know, I'd just like to ask you out to dinner this week." "Sushi..." "OK." "And now I'm just going to walk you to your door." "OK?" "OK." "Two." "Valentine?" "Maybe you've changed your mind?" "Lame, oh, you're so lame." "Valentine's alone on Valentine's Day." "That has a nice sound, doesn't it?" "So you're gonna give your right hand some work today?" "Happy Valentine's." "Ciao." "Homo." "Dyke." "Coward." "I'm not afraid, I'm just..." "So fine, go ahead then." "Fine." "Fine?" "Yeah, yes, fine." "So have some shrimp." "Stupid." "You're stupid." "That's it." "Is it good?" "Rosa, I don't know what to do." "Well..." "It's got to be replaced." "I mean, for now when you go straight, well, everything's OK, but, I mean, when you turn left it still doesn't make any noise, but when you turn right it's really loud." "And they wont even tell me how much the new joint boot is going to cost." "So how am I supposed to know how much to have ready?" "Well, and maybe it's not even the joint boot..." "But how could it not be the joint boot, you know, when you turn right, what makes noise... the joint boot." "Right?" "Well, so anyway." "Happy Valentine's Day?" "So, you see?" "Don't be angry, babe, that's how I am." "Hi, man." "Still... aha." "I can't." "OK, see ya'." "Tom?" "What did you say?" "Don't look in my medicine cabinet, OK?" "OK." "Shit." "Looks like everything's healthy down there." "You know, your place is really cozy." "Really?" "Cozier than in the elevator." "I actually really like to cook, the fridge is usually full, but today we'll just have cocktails." "OK?" "That's fine." "What do you have in there, teeth whiten er?" "What?" "In your medicine cabinet." "You didn't look in there." "Antidepressants." "So you're going to think that I'm also..." "I think that the snow is beautiful." "It is." "I'm ready." "You think this is a good idea?" "One more." "I don't know, what if it's not like it used to be." "Is it supposed to be like this or..." "You think?" "OK, you homo." "Listen to me carefully, because I'm not going to repeat myself." "Try to understand me" " I am not in in the mood for first dates and all that crap, because all of the guys who I've met in my life have cheated on me." "Well, except for me, because we were never actually together..." "I'm talking now!" "All right?" "It's a fact." "If I don't get some action, I'm going to end up hooking up with some piece of shit from work and it'll end like it always does." "And unfortunately, it so happens that the only man who I can put up with at the moment is you." "And you're still all obsessed with that slut of yours." "Don't call her a slut." "She left you seven months ago, and treated you like trash for 6 years." "6 years and 4 months, actually." "No, you're sick." "You need to get laid." "I'm serious." "You need to get laid." "I get it, yeah..." "Listen, instead of worrying, you know what you should think about?" " I need to get it out of my system." "My balls are going to burst." "I need to get laid, here and now." "And that's it, Nick, that's all you have to think about today." "Because that's why were here." "I don't want to risk it." "I understand what you're feeling." "Sometimes people are friends." "And sometimes, when they have sex, they caress each other, they whisper nice things into each others ears." "Their fingers entwine." "That happens sometimes." "But sometimes sex is just sex." "You get it out of your system and the fall asleep after an awesome orgasm." "So stop thinking, have a drink, and then your good old friend will blow you." "You mean you want to..." "Bll-oow..." "Are you buzzed?" "Are you ready?" "Yeah." "Good then." "Give my five." "Can you get off that lnternet of yours?" "Airtime, airtime!" "3, 2, 1!" "As we continue our Valentine's Day program, we are calling out to all of you who are listening to us on your radios." "...and we hope that tonight there is not a single lonely person in Lithuania." "Well, come on, you know, I think there are always some lonely people." "If there are lonely people, I'd imagine that lonely person to be a total jackass or at least a loser, I'm sorry." "Great, now you've called them losers, so..." "I want to say one thing - sometimes people, for example, are together, like say I'm here now, that is with Mindaugas in the studio, and, say, sitting here with such a loser you feel pretty lonely." "Now he's showing me all these rude gestures..." "I'm waving to you, I'm saying that I, with all of my love, am telling you one simple thing." "There's a saying that he was so lonely that he didn't even get spam." "OK, speaking of spam, I want to address all you lonely people who are out there right now, hiding in a comer: e-mail us at M-1 and I'll send you some spam that oh, boy..." "Don't give them food, just let them babble..." "Not bad." "Well, yeah." "I got a lot of good wine." "I'm talking about the apartment." "Well, it's an apartment." "But the wine is good too." "Hard to believe." "You didn't used to like wine." "Let's just say I've developed my taste." "Separated people discover a lot of things that they never noticed before..." "Besides, good wine makes me popular with the people I have over." "Do a lot of people come over'?" "They do." "I have to make my contribution to society." "To male society too?" "Male and female." "Both." "Do you mind that I took my shoes off?" "No, that's fine." "There's something else under the bed." "Now that's better." "And speaking about teeth, when I was little I was afraid of the dark so I used to sleep under lamps..." "Seriously?" "What kind of lamps?" "Oh, they were some special lamps that my dad had." "And it turns out that they bleached my teeth." "Only the ones in front?" "And nothing happened to your hair'?" "What, do you have a spare jaw or something that you're so smart?" "Anyway, I don't usually bring guys home after the first date." "It makes me uncomfortable somehow." "If I'm bothering you I can go." "No, of course not." "OK." "Mia, can you just take it easy?" "I'm only here because I really like you." "We'll talk, laugh, drink our drinks and have an awesome time." "You see, I thought that what, we'd meet, hi, how's it going, then stop by somewhere, have a few drinks, we're calm, we're smart, we're cold, and then we go our separate ways." " You know, I thought the exact same thing." "You did not." "What do you mean?" "Well, you..." "Take your dress." "It was made to bring guys like me home." "Guys like you?" "Boob guys." "You're wrong." "This dress was made to make guys like you crawl home after me." "Ah, now I get it." "What do you get?" "You want to make me repent." "Nothing wrong with a little repentance." "Oh, so you didn't want to bring me home?" "No." "Well then, it was still nice to see you." "Say hi to Gerda and..." "No doubt that most couples out there are kissing or have kissed to this song." "Right, and there's no doubt that I am about to kiss my microphone, since there's not much else to kiss in this studio." "So maybe you should refrain." "Well, except for my colleague here, but I definitely don't want to kiss him, since hes... well..." "Although, Aistis, kissing is extremely important to men, and every man understands that sex is not the most important thing in the world." "Are you serious?" "Yes, that's what a man thinks for an entire ten minutes after sex." "But we have a more serious problem here - one of our listeners has written to us, and, well let me just read her letter to you, shes looking for a man, and she starts her letter with these words:" "History bears witness to the fact that there was no sex in the Soviet Union, so I want to ask all men what is going on that I am still living in the Soviet Union?" "These creative words were sent to us by Rima, who is 34 and would like to meet her Valentine tonight." "Virgil..." "Virgil..." "Rosie..." "Virgil..." "Rosa..." "Do you love me?" "I love you to pieces." "Love, love, love you." "Good night." "Well, fine." "Stop." "You cant do that." "Do what?" "You cant do that and look me in the eyes." "Why?" "Because you're freaking me out." "But you said you like it when girls look you in the eye." "Well, yeah, but with other girls it's like:" "'Wow, this awesome girl is giving me a blow job", and with you it's like: "Hey, this is Kristy and my dick is in her mouth"." "And that freaks me out..." " Is it because I'm doing something wrong?" "You're doing everything just fine, I just, somehow, this is crazy..." "Focus." "Wait, wait, wait... how am I supposed to focus?" "I know your father!" "How am I supposed to focus?" "OK, whatever, we'll skip the blow job." "Kristy, wait..." " Hello, Valentine." " Hi." "What's wrong?" "I saw today is Valentine's Day." "So happy Valentine's Day." "Kristy, you know, I was thinking, that time it just happened..." "What happened?" "Valentine, what happened?" "You left, you fucked me and left, without even saying good morning." "No, come one, what good morning," "I didn't know it was a good morning for you." "What, are you stupid?" "You ignore me for six months and now you're calling like nothing ever happened, like everything was fine." "Is your brain even functioning?" "No, no, it is." "People talk to each other!" "Kristina, I can talk." "For two or three." "I can talk, that's just about all I can do." "No, come on Kristina, stop, don't be angry..." "Good bye." "Virgil..." "Come on, please..." "Please what..." " Not now..." " Why?" "Not now, come on..." "Come on, Rosa you know I'm tired..." "Come on, you know I have seven hours every day now that Vaicekauskas has, what is is, tonsillitis or scarlet fever or whatever..." "Hes on sick leave so I'm stuck with two extra lectures every day." "I was going to ask Venckus from the other department to help, but it turns out he was fired." "Strange, you know, hes like a young guy and he just started drinking like that." "You would have never known." "And anyway, I'm not really in the mood." "I just never thought about Venckus, you know, he's talented..." "Man, it's better to be sober than..." "You have a husband?" "No." "You're pregnant?" "No." "You don't like my mustache?" "You sure talk a lot." "You know, I have a mint." "I could share it." "Oh, it's so small!" "Don't worry, it'll be enough for the both of us." "Are you expecting someone?" "Well, no." "Who is that?" "Shit, it's this old guy." "A friend of my dads." "He fixed my plumbing the other day and now I just can't get rid of the fool." "I could call the cops, they'd come and take him away, but I was thinking maybe you could..." "Whatever happens, don't try to break us up, OK?" "Wait, lipstick..." "Hi." "Hi." "Is Mia home?" "Are you here for the personal?" "Excuse me?" "The personal ad?" "You know, a single, hot bisexual guy looking for companionship on the most romantic night of the year'?" "But look, you're a little shabby, I don't know, they said you would be... ls Mia home?" "Why are you so obsessed" " Mia, Mia." "Mia's away - my neighbor is in Mallorca." "Where?" "On her honeymoon." "What?" "Well I guess you can stay." "Why not." "Do you... oral and everything else like normal?" "I'm not a faggot." "The politically correct term for that would be GAY" "All men are gay." "Just not everyone knows it." "So?" "Listen you faggot..." "Well you sure are a fervent one!" "If you get lonely I'll be waiting for you." "Faggot." "Virgil, when will you be in the mood, huh?" "Come on Rosa, what, am I supposed to give you a date?" "Maybe next weekend, we can go to Druskininkai and get a hotel." "Virgil, we haven't made love for three weeks." "Rosa... what do you mean three?" "No, it definitely hasn't been that long." "Fine, so when was the last time we made love, huh?" "I didn't realize that I had to mark it on some calendar." "You don't have to, if we did it every night you wouldn't have to mark any calendar at all." "Rosa, no one does it every night." "Alan and Jeannine do." "Oh, come on, Alan and Jeannine are sex maniacs, you should stop listening to them so much." "Virgil, your wife needs an orgasm." "OK, fine." "Rosa, fine, you don't have to get angry." "Fine, let's make some orgasms." "Huh?" "OK, let's." "OK, let's get started then." "You start, OK?" "Come on." "No, you start." "No, come on, why should I start?" "You're the one who asked first..." " But why me?" " Well because you asked me.." "Well fine, so you can start then." "But you're all aroused." "But why me, Virgil, why do I always have to start first, Virgil?" "Because you're already horny, that's why." "Virgil, come on, you start first this time." "Come on, Rosa, start doing something, come on." " Come on, Virgil, I always start, you start this time." " Come on, why do I have to start." " Because I always start, so you start now." " Come on, Rosa..." "Come on, you start, come on, Virgil, it that so hard for you?" "What are we talking about here, you start, I'll finish and that's it." "Virgil, I know that "you start, I'll finish" of yours, its always the same old thing, you're going to get on top of me and then like as if suddenly you really need me" "you're going to go and finish on your own and Virgil, you... you could really care less if I finish or not." "Rosa..." "Rosie..." "Rosa..." "What, are you serious?" "Virgil, I cant believe you're acting like its not like that." "Fine, fine, it is what it is, let's make some orgasms," "I'll make the first move, OK, I'll go first, OK?" "OK." "OK." "You need an orgasm and you need me to make the first move." "So let's start." "The first move is coming to get an orgasm." "So..." "Everything's all right, right?" "If something's not all right, I can stop." "I just don't want to feel like shit tomorrow, you know?" "It's amazing that you're here, seriously." "But you don't love me, do you?" "Right?" "It's you that doesn't love me." "We're only here for the sex." "Well that's what we agreed on." " Everything's fine." " That's all then, let's finish." "Hello, girls..." "Stop talking to my boobs..." "If something's wrong, just tell me..." "What are you doing?" "All right, now everything's good." "Tom..." "Tom..." "You know what I want to ask you?" "Were you serious when you said you liked me?" "Yeah..." "You really like me?" "Really..." "But you say that to all the girls, don't you?" "Oh, right..." "You want me to lie?" "I'm definitely not lying to you." "I'm telling the truth." "And how am I supposed to know that you're telling the truth?" "Listen, wait, wait..." "You know, I respect you too much to... to keep going." "I can stop everything now." "I respect you too much." "You don't want me, do you?" "I want you, but I want..." "I want you to understand." "I really like you, and I'm being totally open and sincere." "If, if we make love tonight then all right, that's fine, but if you want, if you need some time and if you feel uncomfortable, if you want to get to know me better..." "That's OK, we can just talk, we can talk all night if you want, because I really want to know everything about you." "Hey... do you ever think about other women when we're having sex?" "How?" "I don't know, sometimes it just seems like you're somewhere else, like you've gone somewhere." "Wait a minute, Rosa, what do you mean I've gone somewhere?" "Oh, I don't know, gone somewhere in your thoughts." "Rosie, you can see that I'm here, I'm obviously here." "Where else could I be?" "I don't know, I mean, here..." "but also not here." "Oh come on, Rosa, do you want to talk about that or are we going to do it?" "Let's do it, let's do it." "What is that?" "Stop, you weren't supposed to see that." "Doesn't it need a little motor'?" "What is it, huh?" "It's my cuticle massager." "Cuticle massager." "Maybe it's, maybe it's a gum massager, look, it could be dangerous." "Give it back," "Tom, I really like how you talk," "Tom, I really like how you talk," "I really, really like how you talk, the way you talk, but..." "But what?" "We can talk after." " Really?" " Yes, really." "You want me to be quiet?" "So do you like my talking or not?" "Yes, I like it, but..." "But you want me to shut up." "Yes, I want you to shut up." "But if I shut up, I won't be me?" "No, but Rosa, you, I mean, what am I doing here, I feel like you've gone somewhere now." "Rosie, we don't have to do it if you don't want to..." "It's no big deal for me, you know." "I mean, I can see it, I mean, I was down there, that you're totally somewhere else and thinking about something else..." "What am I thinking about?" "How do I know what you're thinking about." "You tell me what you're thinking about." "I mean, for example, well, I sometimes, I mean occasionally, think like that." "So what?" "You really think about other women?" "Sometimes, yeah, but so what?" "Who do you think about?" "No, come on, so who do you think about?" " No, no, you tell me, who do you think about?" " Well I think..." "No, its you who started this, so now you tell me, who do you think about?" " Come on, Rosa, so now I'm supposed to..." " Go ahead, tell me." "All right, so am I supposed to write down all of their names and last names and addresses and telephone numbers, I mean..." "All of their names, like you mean there's a lot of them, you think about more than one?" "Of course there's more than one, I think about a bunch of people." "I mean, there's all different ones." "I mean, I think about people who I might never have sex with ever and that's all." "But you think about other guys, right?" "Sometimes I do..." "There, sometimes you do, that wasn't so hard, you admitted it and that's it." "You want me to tell you who you think about?" "All right, go ahead." "About Roland from the bakery." "No, definitely not about him." "Get out of here, Roland..." "So why are you covering for him now?" "You do, don't you?" "Of course not." "So it's definitely Roland." " It's definitely not." " It's definitely Roland." "OK, fine, so who do you think about then?" "What difference does it make who I think about?" " Rosa, it makes a big difference to me..." " Come on, what difference does it make." "Rosa, Rosa, we're a family." "And a husband has the right to know who his wife thinks about." "That's what I think." "So who is he?" "OK, t's Mantas." "What Mantas?" "Mantas the singer, who else..." "You mean that "chiozhki chiozhki" guy?" "Well, not bad, nice." "Well don't get mad." "I'm not." "Don't be mad..." "You're mad, I can tell." "No, I'm not mad Rosa, come on." "Rosa, there's nothing to be mad about here." "We need some good, loud, relaxing music, right?" "Yeah, exactly." "Oh, this, you know, this..." "Give me that, give it, give it back..." "Give me the remote, what's wrong with you?" "You're so gay..." "You're gay yourself!" "You are definitely gay." "Shh, that's enough, shut up." "Here, this is a good one, huh?" "Look, this one's awesome, it's perfect for us, isn't it?" "I hate this song." "You hate this song?" "How is that possible?" "Everyone likes this song." "Mark and me, which was our song." "Gerda and I didn't have a song." "You got lucky." "I also thought it would be cool to have a song, until that idiot started asking the DJ at every club, every wedding, every bar to play the same thing, and I was supposed to get all weak in the knees" "each time and faint it was so great." "It was just ridiculous, you know, it just really annoyed me." "I can't handle it." "Listen, look at yourself, you're all riled up and everything now, right?" "I'm sorry." "Listen." "Maybe you want to talk about it?" "This is what we need." "Yeah?" "Yeah!" "You know what?" "This is a really nice blanket." "What?" "I said, this is a great blanket, I'm in love with it." "Yeah, I like it too." "You're so beautiful..." "Tom, you're amazing..." "I know..." "Yeah, thanks..." "You know, I didn't put anything on..." "That's OK, I'm on the pill." "Seriously?" "I'm clean." "I believe you." "Believe me..." "The girls at work would have said something if you weren't." "We should have sex more often instead of just talking about it." "Maybe." "But you know, Rosa, we're not getting any younger." "Virgil, we're 35 years old." "Well yeah, but not 19." "Hey, on the days we don't make love, do you masturbate?" "Well, sometimes, not always." "Sometimes I take the day off." "There's a big difference between sex and masturbation." "But you masturbate too, don't you?" "Sometimes." "Well there you go." "Well yeah, but Virgil, if we do that we could do it together and we could have sex more often, why do we hardly ever have sex?" "You know, I'm gonna pull out now." "Just say when." "OK, just a little more." "God, you're so beautiful." "Your eyes are like chestnut lakes." "You know, they used to say..." "Beautiful, but only on the outside, but now they say that beauty is an investment..." "Well I'll be honest with you." "I always, well I always, I don't know..." "'Well I... when we get to that, well, I feel..." "Well, somehow..." "I don't know if you find me attractive because well..." "I don't know all those moves," "I mean, I know a couple, but what's a couple moves, maybe those couple of moves aren't enough for you..." "Maybe it sounds materialistic, but if it wasn't for that, there wouldn't be progress..." "You're so smart..." "You're so beautiful..." "So I'm with you because I'm afraid to be left alone?" "Maybe..." "You see, I thought we have problems because you're somehow not into me." "Rosa, I'm totally into you, totally." "Really." " Really?" " Well, yeah." "I mean, you're not young anymore, like then, like there during our wedding..." "But, well, you've gained some weight and all..." "Oh, come on, Virgil..." "And now, my friends, just some practical and useful information for Valentines Day." "To celebrate this day of love, Homo Sanitus drugstores have introduced an effective and totally innovative homeopathic supplement for real men - "Animal Man"!" "The energy of the giseng root and the ﬂuenol released by the Chinese chugaﬂower accelerate the release of the body's eritriphens, which influence the activity of the male hormone difalgen." "This stimulates the man's synergetic stamina and wakes up his libido." ""Animal Man" - be a real man!" "Be an unbridled Valentine!" "Who gave us this script..." "Couldn't I have just said" ""go chew on some ginger and bang your wife in the kitchen . . f'?" "Well, hi Lucia." "Hi Lucia." "Me?" "Great, great, great." "You know me, I can't complain." "What?" "Thank you, thank you, of course..." "A day like this." "So I was thinking, Lucia, the reason I called is I was thinking..." "I was thinking that maybe you're alone on a day like today?" "Am I alone?" "No, I'm not alone..." "Bar, restaurant, restaurant, bar, bar, another bar, another restaurant..." "I... yeah." "Yeah, like the good old times." "Come on, you remember." "You remember..." "Come on, you said yourself, you remember, no brakes, no limits..." "You remember." "'Well, you said that wed get together again some time, some clay, in any case." "We'll have a cup or coffee or tea..." "So you promised, hm?" "You remember, one time, whats it to you, just one time..." "Excuse me?" "Were you talking to me?" "L...no." "I was just reciting my lines..." "I'm an actor..." "By the way." "You've been promising to call me for 3 years," "I've been waiting for you to call for 3 years..." "I've been climbing the walls for 3 years, I don't know how those 3 years went by for me..." "It's like everything just went into a black hole..." "Slow down a little..." "If you want to control how fast we go then get on top..." "When's the last time you did sit-ups, Maria..." "Slow down..." "Irene..." "Stop calling me girls' names!" "Stop!" "That's enough!" "Wait!" "I almost finished..." "It's OK..." "I'm sorry..." "I know what I'm doing." "It's not the first time I rode you." "I was trying to get your best friend tired on purpose." "Relax, I'll go get some more wine, everything's fine..." "What's wrong with you?" "Did you say something to me?" "No..." "Come on, Rosie, I mean, what do you want me to say to you?" "I don't know, Virgil, I want everything to be OK with us." "Rosa, I want the same thing." "So when?" "OK, look, there's talk that" "Vaicekauskas might already come back to work on Monday." "Basketball will be over of course, because there's no way we're going to make it to the finals." "But you know, Rosa, the big thing is that the joint boot is making noise." "But I already got it all worked out this week, they're going to send over the part and replace it, and well get the car back in two or three days." "Well and then everything will be fine." "So this is the new game plan?" "Just give me a second, I'm almost done." "Where's this from?" "Oh, that... its a gift from my grandpa." "Here you go." "My best friend, or what did you call him?" "You're better the second time around." "Everything takes longer." "You're no longer worried about holding back." "I like it like that." "What do you think, you can see right through me?" "I can." "I just heard you taking to your little guy." "I was." "Tom, it's no big deal." "I mean, I know that you've slept with all the girls at work." "Theoretically, that is not true." "I never did anything with Donna, who worked there before you did, and then there was Irene, that intern..." "I never touched her, even though she was beautiful." "Katerina... well I was with her a couple of times but we never went all the way..." "So that doesn't count." "Who else do we have... hmmm, Jeannine." "Lets be honest, she's pretty nasty, to put it lightly." "But keeping in mind that 57 girls work at our office," "I've practically slept with them all." "Wow." "Did you want to say something?" "So am I theoretically or practically?" "You are practically incomparable." "OK, incomparable, but somehow I though that intimacy of ours would be different somehow," "I mean those eyes like chestnuts, like lakes..." "Eyes like chestnut lakes." "Usually I control the situation a little more subtly." "So what do you usually say in bed?" "Stuff like "your ass is the best" or something like that." "So what do you think about my ass?" "The 9th Wonder of the World." "But weren't there 7?" "Right?" "So what's number 8?" "On, right..." "What are you thinking about?" "I'm not thinking about her." " Fuck, I'm really not thinking about her." " Good." "Seriously, I'm not." "Good." "Then I can help you." "Oh no, I'm good." "OK, whatever, let's stop this." "I'll take full responsibility, I thought we'd be able to do it, that... but it just didn't happen, let's just blame it on the alcohol." "I don't want all this to be a memory of a night when I couldn't get it up." "Sorry, but you couldn't get it up." "'Ambit, but it's not my fault, I'm just tense, that's all." "Yeah, everything annoys you." "What?" "Did I or did I not just lick your pussy 20 minutes ago, huh?" "You only did it because you thought you had to." "What?" "That's right." "You did it after the oral fiasco." "'Ambit, wait, wait..." "No one licks your pussy because it's their duty." "Nick, I know you inside out." "I am not that slut who didn't even bother to get to know you in 6 years, got it?" "I know everything, what you're thinking, how you're thinking," "I've known you for 20 years." "Stop calling her a slut." "I know why you held on to my neck." "Because Mark used to do that." "And I know that you played it all macho on top." "Because I called you gay." "So you know everything about me and I know everything about you." "And that's why you can't get it up." "That's it, I'm leaving Nick." "Shit, where are my fucking pants?" "That's it..." "Wait, wait, wait..." "Put those pants back." "Sex is just sex." "Did you or did you not say that?" "I did." "After, you can be my best friend again, but for now you're just a piece of meat with... and a hot pussy with legs." "Listen, Virgil." "Put the remote down, Virgil." "Listen, I think we need to try something... something arousing?" "OK." "We can try." "But wait, you mean you want to..." "We can... well, somewhere..." "You know, we could, we could go to the sauna, in the sauna or..." "You know, like when you run out of the sauna into the snow, while we're still all hot." "Or in the car, driving fast." "I mean, while you keep your foot on the pedal." "I'd hold your leg and then..." "Listen, Virgil..." "No, no, wait, wait." "We can definitely think up something." "Virgil, Virgil, wait, wait, wait." "I've got it..." "Wait, Virgil, wait, wait..." "Virgil, let me say something." "Oh, OK, go ahead." "Well, I had this one idea." "Wait a second." "You know, somehow I feel like he's looking right at you." "Really?" "And if he could just do this..." "Then that's exactly what he'd do." "So come back to bed and we're going to fuck." "OK, we've had rehearsal, and now we're on." "Instructions are as follows." "First, you don't try to go down on me." "Second, you don't make any strange noises." "Third, you don't rush anywhere." "Really?" "We're not rabbits." "Fourth, you focus on the process." "And fifth - could you hand me my glasses?" "Glasses?" "You really need them?" "Really." "But that could take some time..." "I have some time." "Good." "A little bit closer." "Closer." "You know, I was right, your ass is a real m-ASS-terpiece." "Aha, and now for some interesting statistics that we got, as usual, from our scientists in Great Britain, this time from Lingfield University, who have done some interesting research." "Basically, after interviewing sexual partners, they found out that as many as 87% of women... sorry, my colleague is distracting me a little simulate... simulate or fake their orgasm..." "Meanwhile, once they interviewed the men, it turned out that 27% of the respondents experience an orgasm, but, apparently, hide this fact from their partners." "And even 38% of the men claim that they are not completely sure if they had an orgasm or not." "These figures are a cause of alarm for scientists, since the research also revealed that the vast majority," "I.e. 72% of the people interviewed, do not use any form of protection." "So it turns out that men are hiding information about their orgasms from women in the women themselves?" "!" "Yes, but not for long, since at one point those women will start craving pickles and the truth will come out!" "We never had a problem with that." "No, in general, we didn't..." "Yeah, everything else was just details..." "What do you mean, everything else was details?" "You know what I mean..." "No, I don't." "You know. when the sex wasn't good for both of us, there were problems." "I don't want to say that I didn't like it at all, just..." "So you think it's my fault?" "Eric, it's not you." "Could you please not tell me what I'm thinking?" "You always do that..." "'Well I can see what you're thinking." "I can see it, because you're clearly showing it." "Come on, stop." "Listen, are you still dating that gilt?" "No, I'm not." "You know, that whole thing - one girl, one guy, holding hands " "I'm not too good with it." "Are you seeing anyone?" "I mean, where's that guy you were dating?" "Which one?" "What do you mean which one?" "How many were there?" "I guess two." "Oh, just two?" "You mentioned one was Valentine, right?" "Well, yeah." "So?" "How was that macho?" "What did he used to do with you, huh?" "Eric, stop." "OK, so who was that other dick?" "Dick..." "I'm not going to say." "Wait, what is he, one of my friends?" "No, he's not a friend." "So tell me his name." "What difference does it make, I'm not telling..." "Wait, OK, wait, just promise you won't laugh." "OK." "DJ Dog." "Now that's some name, what is that, his name?" "He's a rapper." "A rapper?" "Yeah, maybe it's his nickname, how do I know..." "Like from prison?" "Or from a porn site?" "He wouldn't hurt a ﬂy, he's a good guy." "Wouldn't hurt a ﬂy..." "Valentine and DJ Dog." "So maybe they're from TV?" "DJ Dog Wants a Wife." "Maybe you want me to go find him a wife at the gay bar'?" "What are you so jealous about?" "What's wrong?" "Do you hear what you're saying?" "Who's jealous?" "What kind of jealous face is this?" "I just want those cocks to treat you right, I'm not jealous." "Are you happy?" "Yes." "Because I want you to be happy." "With them." "Well say something..." "Well I don't even know, Rosie, what to say..." "Where did you get that from?" "Goda has her bachelorette party and there was this kind of lottery and I won it..." "Well it's nice that you want to share your prize, but..." "Come on, don't laugh, this isn't funny at all." "Well I don't think it's funny either." "So what are you planning on doing with it now?" "Well..." "I'm going to fuck you." "Ah... me?" "You mean this is what new and arousing is all about?" "Come on, listen, you have a G-Spot too." "So let's look for it, huh?" "I have some G-Spot in my butt?" "Wait a..." "And you want to look for my G-Spot with that in my butt?" "Well all men have them, so we can look for it." "Rosie, I don't know, how are we going to..." "You..." "Wait, I don't get it..." "You're going to stick that in and we're going to set out on some kind of journey to look for my G-Spot?" "So what's so difficult about it?" "Well you know it seems pretty diff cult to me." "I mean, I don't know if it's going to get in there somehow." "So we can give it a try, look for it somehow." "Come on, let's try to do something..." "Oh, I don't know, say something, will you..." "Come on, Rosie, what am I supposed to think, you're standing there with that and well..." "I don't know, don't we need to use some kind of protection?" "What are you talking about, this isn't the real thing." "Yeah, but my butt is real." "Come on, say something, what are you looking at, what do you think, I enjoy standing here with this thing, what do you think, I enjoy looking like an idiot?" "Forget it, that's it, I apologize for bringing it up..." "Rosie, no, come on, stop, don't take it off..." "This was all just total nonsense, don't touch me, don't touch me what's going to come of our relationship..." "don't touch me..." "Sorry..." "No, no, it's OK..." "I'll pull out, just in case, OK?" "Three, two, one and you lift your m-ASS-terpiece..." "Rosa... but are you sure this is going to save our relationship?" "Come on, I already told you that I'm just trying to make things work for us." "Well, what do I know, let's try it then..." "Really?" "Yeah, let's give it a try." "Really, you want to try?" "Oh, but..." "You..." "It..." "Wait, how..." "Well..." "I have, I have some lubricant." "Where from?" "It came with this thing." "But wait, we have to, well... you know, where do we start." "Well I don't know, maybe we should start with some foreplay..." "Wait, well that's not going to get me wet, but..." "OK, but I don't know what works for you, so just tell me..." "And what's this for'?" "Is it, what is it, a radio?" "This, this is... no, well, come one, this is this vibrator thing and... well, so, I mean, so it's good for me too." "Oh, so it's going to be good for you too." "Oh, I thought that this was just for me..." "So we'll, I mean, start with foreplay or what?" "I don't know, maybe we should kiss?" "Well I don't know, come one, say something, I don't know how it's all supposed to be done..." "You know what we should do?" "Let's just up and do it." "OK, OK..." "Without and games, I mean, I don't know..." "OK, you just say how you want to do it." "Yeah, let's just wish each other the best and..." "I don't know, Rosa..." "But I don't, Virgil, I mean, I don't know what to do either, so you..." "Wait, so how do you, is this how...?" "Well I don't know, Virgil, come on, I mean, this is your thing..." "Wait, Rosa, I can't look at the two of you, look, go from behind, OK?" "OK, Virgil, whatever you say, just tell me, I..." "So, I..." "Maybe I can already..." "Wait, Rosa, but don't do anything without me, OK?" "No, of course, Virgil, I won't do anything without you... maybe you should put your head down, huh...?" "Look, aha..." "I'm right here..." "Look, look, just talk to me the whole time, so I know what you're doing." "What are you doing now?" "OK, OK, now I'm - there" " I'm taking off your pajamas, OK?" "OK, you're taking off my pajamas." "Did you take them off?" "Yes, I took them off." "OK, look, did you put some of that stuff on it?" "Yes, Virgil, everything's ready." "I'm going to be with you the whole time, just don't be afraid, OK?" "Don't worry." "You just keep talking to me the whole time." "OK?" "OK, its good to have contact, contact is important, contact..." "OK, Virgil, now I'm turning it on..." "Aha, Rosa, wait, is it supposed to buzz like that?" "Well I think it's supposed to do that Virgil," "I mean, that's like going to make it better for us..." "OK." "Look, wait, Rosa?" "It's not going to short-circuit me, is it?" "No, I hope not..." "Three, two..." "What?" "...one..." "Oh... man... you're so amazing..." "Me?" "You're amazing... you made..." "made me come three... no, crap, four times." "That's me, sweetie." "Shut up." "Jeez, that was one huge orgasm." "Any comments?" "Comments?" "Tom..." "Virgy, how are you doing, huh?" "Kind of strange..." "How are you?" "I'm..." "I'm good, actually, that thing really vibrates well... loan tell..." "Virgil, can I go a little deeper'?" "Rosa, what do you mean deeper?" "Wait a minute..." "Rosa, we agreed that you do whatever I say, OK?" "Ah, Kristy..." "Ah, Kristy..." "Come on, give me some dirty talk, OK?" "You want me to talk dirty?" "Aha... it really turns me on." "So..." "So you like that?" "Just don't stammer, go ahead." "Right." "OK, OK." "I..." "I'm going to flip you over and shove my dick in your ass," "I'm going to shove it in so deep that your mouth is going to reek of my dick and then I'm going to come in your reeking mouth so hard that my sperm is going to blow up your ass." "Hey, but this is like..." "like I'm going to go in and..." "That's what you wanted, wasn't it?" "Why do you think that's what I wanted?" "Because you're... a slut?" "OK, sorry, my bad, just keep going." "Oh, Virgil, can I go a little faster'?" "Wait, Rosa, stop..." "Virgil..." "Stop, stop, stop..." "Virgil, I can't stop now..." "Rosa..." "What's wrong Rosa...?" "Did the batteries die?" "Aurimas, thank you for your call." "Wow, now that's some story." "Dang, now this guy, wow, unreal, unreal." "Our incontestable Valentine's Day leader." "Aurimas, thank you for your story, give our best to your girlfriend and, of course, a gift from us - a great song for you." "Take care." "Encore, encore, encore!" "And they say Lithuanians are modest people." "Oh, no, no way..." "Or he was lying." "What's this?" "Pizza." "I mean..." "I can see that it's not soup." "But why did you bring it?" "You ordered a pizza with ham and spinach and a Valentine pizza." "I did?" "You said it was for your friend named Valentine." "I don't have..." "Oh, right." "Yeah, that's right." "You ordered it so that's why I brought it over." "Yeah, whatever." "Put it in a box for me." "Take-out." "I'm going to go over to my friends." "I mean, my girlfriends." "G-i-r-l." "Love birds..." "Why so slow?" "I don't know." "What, you want to go faster'?" "No." "But maybe we really should do it faster?" "Maybe..." "Good job, pal." "You too, pal." "You like it, you dirty slut, huh?" "Yes, King of the Gays." "I..." "I think I'm about to come." "Me too..." "No, not this gay music now..." "Not now..." "It just had to come on now..." "One more time?" "Uh... no. no, no..." "Now?" "No, no, wait, wait, I'm still too sensitive, wait..." "No, no, really..." "I'm dying for some ice cream." "Ice cream with a cookie." "Put the ice cream in a bowl warm the cookie up in the microwave and... before that you're going to have to wash out a bowl." "You are so... amazing." "I know." "OK, I'd be happy to... or rather," "I will wash a bowl for you before I put in the ice cream." "And you'll bring it to me." "And I'll bring it to you." "With a cookie." "With a cookie." "What the..." "Come on, pick up..." "Some other time." "Go ahead, answer it, answer..." "Answer it..." "Hi Valentine." "What, are you sleeping?" "I was." "So why are you asleep already?" "Well because Rosa's asleep." "Well so Happy Valentine's then." "Same to you." "Well you're already just the two of you, well maybe..." "Well, what, yeah, the two of us, I mean, yeah, the two of us." "Listen, I got some pizza, so I'm coming over, like usual." "No, no, Valentine." "What?" "No, Valentine, you know, no, really, I can't." "You can't what, you can't eat?" "Well you know, I have to get up early tomorrow." "Meaning?" "Yeah, I've got the early lecture." "What?" "See, Vaicekauskas got sick." "Listen, I'm telling you that I'm coming over, you hear?" "So that's what I'm saying, I'll be right over." "Well, you know, he's got a weak immune system." "What?" "And yeah, and Venckus got fired." "Venckus?" "Hey, Valentine, did you know that he drinks?" "So that's like his immune system?" "He didn't show up at work for two weeks." "They found him in the garage with some friends." "So we can go over the weekend." "The joint boot is flying in from Japan tonight." "Well, well then they'll change it and we'll go." "Hey, Valentine, don't forget, I think I left my waders at your place." "OK, Valentine, bye." "Waders." "Together with M-1 we are celebrating Valentine's Day, and Aistis, I've come up with another motto:" ""If not today and now, then when?"" "What are you referring to?" "Sex?" "No, I'm not talking to you," "I'm talking to our listeners out there who are afraid, who are scared, who have been avoiding something:" "today is the best day to get up the nerve, even if its, um, to do that thing that you said." "No, really, maybe there was some situation in your life when, let's say, you didn't have the nerve to say something to someone, like maybe just I love you." "...or let's imagine a situation at work:" "you're head over heels with your boss, who is beautiful, sexy and unattached." "Today is the perfect opportunity, and even if shes not into it you can say:" "hm, that was just a Valentine's Day joke, and if she is into it, maybe you'll have a beautiful, long, happy life ahead of you." "So go for it, all of you, grab your phone and call that one person who you really, really want to call but were afraid to and... maybe today will be your lucky day and you..." "Yes, and you will be rewarded with succ-SEX!" "I'm pretty sure this song will help you get out there and get up your nerve, or at least try." "Hello!" "What's this?" "Oh, that... that's definitely not mine, someone probably left it here, I, I..." "OK, OK, call me whatever you want, King of the Gays, yeah," "I am the King of the King of the Gays, yell at me, call me names, please, just take it all out on me..." "I love this song." "You..." "What, seriously?" "Yes." "Don't be mad that I called her a slut." "She is a slut." "You're just saying that because that's what I said." "What?" "Well, obviously." "You always repeat what I just said to you." "You say what I'm also thinking about, because you also just thought about what I..." "And now, like, you want to say that you want..." "I wanted to tell you..." "Yeah, I also wanted..." "I wanted to tell you..." "You see, I, well I was afraid to call you, because I thought that you..." "That you think..." "Well, that I'm too old for you." "Well... well I did at first, but you see..." "I just thought that today was the kind of day that I could tell you that..." "You know what..." "Wait, wait, wait." "Don't tell me anything right now, OK?" "You know, I just happen to be right near your apartment." "Yeah, right by your building." "So if you don't mind, well I... well I could stop by and then we..." "OK, OK, maybe that would be best." "OK, come over." "Yeah, OK, I'll be right there." "Yeah, OK, I'll be right there." "I made you some sandwiches, the kind you always like." "You're always starving after sex." "You're perfect." "As always." "What, you're leaving?" "Yeah." "You're leaving?" "I have to be at work early tomorrow." "But..." "How..." "I don't want to abuse your kindness." "OK." "Maybe I'll show you out then." "That was fast." "Hows you cuticle massage coming along?" "I didn't hear the microwave beep." "Urn, is it my imagination or did you say something like" "I came three or four times, you're amazing, that was one huge orgasm." "Yeah, I know, that's what I said you sent me to the kitchen to wash out a mug and fill it up with ice cream and a fucking cookie so that you could screw yourself?" "Is that right?" "L, I lied to you a little." "Yeah, a little, for the fun of it." "Hey, it's your problem that you couldn't make me orgasm." "Listen, your orgasm is your problem." "I've had hundreds of women, and there were some that didn't have an orgasm, and I have no problem with that, but they didn't lie that everything was awesome." "And I've had whores, and they don't know how to lie, you can tell immediately." "But you..." "You are a professional." "Super!" "You fucked me inside out." "I believed you." "Way to go, Mia, Mia..." "My name is Jeannine." "Jeannine?" "Jeannine, that name suits you perfectly." "That's exactly why I changed it, so asses like you could get it up." "Jeannine, jeez, now that's some name." "Listen, Jeannine, I have two pieces of bad news." "First is that you are a real whore." "Second is that you're not my taste." "Shove that first and second up your ass, All right?" "I wanted sex, like you did, only I wanted quality, not quantity." "But then I found out that your balls are nonexistent, so how could you ever give me an orgasm." "Wait, wait, or maybe I should have just relaxed, not rushed, we're not rabbits, and of course, focused on the process." "You're totally, hello, can you hear me..." "Well hello old guy, did you bang that girl?" "Fuck!" "I didn't use a rubber." "The medicine cabinet." "Listen, you didn't." "If I find medicine for a vaginal fucking inﬂammation in there, I wear..." "What?" "What a collection, I don't even know where to start." "Look around." "Colored contact lenses." "Great." "Self-tanner." "Weight-loss pills, maybe you should take up running, huh?" "Hair dye. which place is that for'?" "Bingo!" "Teeth whitener." "Spermatozoon killer." "At first it looks like an innocent little band-aid..." "But it kills people like you." "Fuck you." "You're full of shit." "And you've got the smallest dick in the world." "Ha, see?" "I'll see myself out." "You... you're really beautiful..." "You hear'?" "I've never felt this good before." "Right now I feel like I... it feels like I got to know you all over again." "Kristy" "I--- l love you..." "I love you, man." "I love you." "Well, say hi to..." "I will, yeah, OK..." "And give my best to that..." "hotdog of yours." "Hotdog..." "DJ Dog." "Bye." "I'm not going to call you for a while." "Work, you know..." "Me too, me too..." "It was fun." "It was, yeah." "Hi..." "You know, I'm sorry that I disappeared like that for so long." "Huh?" "No big deal." "Yeah..." "You know..." "I" "Me to." "Maybe I can come in?" "Well, OK." "It's beautiful." "And just awesome." "My dear listeners, and if you think that tomorrow no one will even remember this Valentines Day, you are very, very wrong. .." "they will." "In 9 months." "Good night!" "Breathe!" "I'm pushing, goddammit, I'm pushing!" "You said it was safe..." "I told you there's a 2% risk!" "No you didn't!" "Calm down, easy - breathe!" "Nurse - scissors!"