"KSRP 23 has obtained the video footage in question that led to the mistrial." "NEWS ANCHORMAN:" "Thanks for that report, Katie." "The person seen in the video conducting the unauthorized search is one Shawn Spencer, a psychic consultant for the Santa Barbara Police Department." "(LOWERINGVOLUME)" "Hey, have I always had that duck tail?" "Your meeting with the Chief starts in 30 minutes." "What are you doing?" "I'm trying to perfect a move called the pull shot, which should never be confused with the snake." "Cut the crap, Shawn." "I told you not to go into that building without the police." "But you never listen to me." "Ever." "Now they look like amateurs and Psych might be finished!" "Gus, don't be the way Eriq La Salle spells "Eriq."" "You know I would never go snooping around willy-nilly." "Of course I checked for security cameras." "They must have been hidden." "CLARK:" "Damn it, Karen!" "Czarsky's going to walk." "How could you let this happen?" "We've been building a case against Czarsky for months." "I realize that, District Attorney Clark, but remember it was my detectives who got you the evidence you needed to prosecute Czarsky for tax fraud in the first place." "This guy is the kind of pond scum that intimidates good, hardworking people to not testify." "If I weren't a cop, I would shoot him in a dark alley and leave evidence suggesting his own people were behind it." "And when I say "I," I mean a fake, imaginary detective to be played by Powers Boothe." "Well, none of that matters now because your evidence was obtained by trespassing on Czarsky's property." "It's fruit from a poisonous tree, and as a result, Judge Leland has declared a mistrial." "Stop trying to act like you got this under control." "I see the empty Monster cans in the wastebasket." "You have no idea how to fix this." "I was up late because I was watching Bad Santa, the unrated version, then I watched the first Austin Powers, then I watched back-to-back episodes of Jake in Progress, which is a misleading title because Jake always makes the same mistakes." "You do realize there's not even a ball in there." "Okay." "I will be my charming self," "I will smooth things over with the Chief, and everything is going to be fine." "And then we'll go for Dilly Bars." "You have nobody to blame but yourselves, particularly when it comes to this psychic." "Okay." "Instead of pointing fingers, let's focus on next steps." "Fine." "I strongly suggest that SBPD take a long look at their methods." "Duly noted." "But do you think you can refrain from making a statement just long enough for us to prepare for the media firestorm that is about to come down?" "This injustice to the people of Santa Barbara was a direct result of a lack of quality control at the police department, specifically with regards to their use of special consultants." "REPORTER:" "Mr. Czarsky!" "(REPORTERS CLAMORING)" "My office, along with SBPD internal affairs, vows to hold everyone involved in this botched investigation accountable." "No further questions." "(REPORTERS CLAMORING)" "Where the hell is he, Henry?" "I'm a psychic, Chief." "You know I need to be in the vicinity of objects and their energies." "I need to pat them, prick them, mark them with a B." "That's how it works." "It's like the chicken and the egg, minus the egg, I think." "And possibly the chicken." "If we had waited around for a warrant, this thing could have gone the other way." "Mr. Spencer..." "Phew!" "First fight." "I thought it would never end." "Shawn, shut up." "I have been given an ultimatum by the mayor." "And as a result, the department has decided to take preemptive action." "About time I was issued a weapon." "I'm placing you on suspension." "Indefinitely." "Indefinitely?" "Mmm-hmm." "Well, make up your mind, Chief." "Am I suspended or not?" "You made your bed, kid." "I haven't made my bed in 15 years." "In addition," "Internal Affairs is going to want to speak with you, so I'd advise you not to leave town." "I've been telling you all along." "Your blatant disregard for protocol, your reckless police work, it was..." "Furthermore, I've notified the mayor that as a result of you failing to control your special consultants, your position is being dissolved." "Effective immediately." "Meaning what, Karen?" "Your services are no longer required." "What exactly are you trying to say?" "You're fired, Henry." "Dad, you are overreacting." "This kind of stuff happens to me all the time." "Give me a few days." "I'll figure something out for the both of us." "As usual, any sense of responsibility for your actions is too little, too late." "I simply cannot comprehend how you can be so careless, considering who your father is." "Beats me." "Must have been one of those lessons you neglected to teach me back when your job was more important than your family." "Hey, raising you is no easy job." "And it's not like I had your mother around to give me..." "Screw it." "It doesn't matter." "(SIGHS) Oh, Shawn." "Oh." "I'm just so tired of the grind." "You and me spinning our wheels, going in opposite directions." "I can't help but wonder what our lives might have been like if you'd just stayed wherever the hell you were and not come back to Santa Barbara five years ago." "Wow." "Maybe you're right, maybe I shouldn't have come back." "(DOOR CLOSES)" "(CHRISTMAS VERSION OF THEME SONG PLAYING)" "I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth" "I know, you know They just don't have any proof" "Embrace the deception Learn how to bend" "Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end" "NEWS ANCHORMAN:" "As reported earlier, the People's case against Czarsky relied solely upon the evidence obtained from this unlawful..." "SHAWN:" "Hey, buddy, watching the news on a loop." "I guess there is such thing as bad publicity, huh?" "You're still pissed." "All right, I'll try you back in 20." "Along with SBPD, Internal Affairs vows to hold..." "HENRY:" "I can't help but wonder what our lives might have been like if you'd just stayed wherever the hell you were and not come back to Santa Barbara five years ago." "KAREN:" "You're fired." "SHAWN:" "Maybe you're right, maybe I shouldn't have come back." "(YAWNING)" "Gus!" "Gus, where are your pants?" "Are you smoking a pipe?" "Say something." "Say anything." "You're really starting to freak me out here." "What the..." "Whoa!" "Oh, hey!" "All right, okay, we give up." "We surrender." "Hey." "I know you." "You're Tony Cox." "You're Marcus from Bad Santa." "You'reawesome." "Kiss my rock-hard bubble of an ass." "Now you clearly associate little people with cookies and holiday pageantry." "Voilà!" "I have seen Friday 79 times." "Willow, remember that?" "Your little warrior with the long weave." "Thank you." "Disaster Movie?" "Check." "Look, the bottom line is, I'm one of your biggest fans, so maybe you want to take that chip off your shoulder." "The bottom line is, it's snowing Styrofoam and I'm stuck here." "Why?" "Because I'm your superego." "No kidding." "Boy, I wish I could show you to all the people that say I should be more humble." "Look, you picked me because you think you can bully me." "Now here." "Oh, look at that." "It's the Psych office." "Look, it's me..." "Oh, I'm sitting and watching the Czarsky footage." "Oh!" "I'm dreaming." "I get it." "Well, in that case, you want to hot tub with Paula Patton?" "Yes!" "No." "Look, you don't get it." "You're supposed to go on a journey of self-discovery, you boob." "Now let's do this, because you got me wearing a dance belt up in here, son." "Oh, sorry about that." "Oh." "Paul Bunyan, really?" "Look, I'm trying to avoid all kinds of stereotypes here." "Would you prefer Kareem Abdul Jabbar?" "Pre or post-'fro?" "Post." "Forget you." "First stop is your dad's place." "I don't want to go there." "This is my dream." "Your journey is to see what would have happened to the people you care about if you had never come back home to Santa Barbara." "Now it was your dad's words that were echoing in your fat head as you drifted off, remember?" "Yeah." "Those were ugly words." "But you mostly deserved it." "You deserved it." "Suck it." "You suck it." "Just for that, there's your exit." "Huh?" "(GROANS)" "Oh, man, that's messed up." "That's what you get for putting me in suspenders." "What?" "What?" "(FLIES BUZZING)" "Oh, God." "Oh, dude, it reeks in here." "Like Bigfoot's ass." "(GROANS)" "(FLIES BUZZING)" "Oh, my God." "My dad turned into Nick Nolte." "(ANNOUNCER CHATTERING ON TV)" "Oh!" "When's the last time he bathed himself?" "Hey, Maddie, it's Henry." "Don't you think maybe you rushed into this wedding thing?" "Wedding?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, my mom's marrying an African prince?" "I was just sitting here, thinking about that time" "I took you to Crystal Palace over in Bakersfield." "Remember how you accidentally kneed" "Buck Owens right in the whoppers?" "Oh, come on, Maddie." "Maddie, don't go." "(PHONE DISCONNECTS) Madeleine." "(SOBBING)" "Man has to have some respect for himself." "Wow." "He is really taking this hard." "I guess he was dead wrong." "It's a good thing I came back after all." "TONY:" "You do realize you're pulling all the strings in these dreams?" "You did this to make yourself feel better." "It's embarrassing." "Stop trying to twist this." "I can't help it if my dad is lost without me." "(FLIES BUZZING)" "We should leave now before we're eaten by flies." "Who's next?" "It's Gus." "Now, his old lady has a kid from a different baby daddy." "His alcoholic mother-in-law lives with them, too, and I'm pretty sure they live next door to Edie McClurg." "That sounds like a UPN sitcom from the mid '90s." "Ooh, ooh, ooh!" "Can we watch Gus' life like it was a sitcom?" "It's your dream." "(SITCOM THEME PLAYING ON TV)" "What?" "(TONY LAUGHING)" "Give your daddy a fist bump." "He ain't my daddy." "What's happening, Anfernee?" "You ain't my daddy." "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "Is that all he says?" "This season." "Last year, it was, "Sniff this, eunuch."" "Mmm." "Mmm." "That's some sweet sugar, Burton." "(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)" "Wow." "You really do that to your boy?" "What?" "To sitcom Gus?" "Absolutely." "This is brilliant." "(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)" "So, how was your day today, wife?" "(SIGHS) You know my cousin Shereafer from the city?" "Well, she moved in with us today." "Oh, and Anfernee learned that drugs are for thugs." "He ain't my daddy." "(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)" "Here's the weird thing, I think this is a rerun." "Okay, now it's time for us to go." "We've already eaten." "I think there's some cereal in the pantry." "Oh, babe, would you mind taking a look at those credit card bills and paying them?" "Thank you." "Mwah." "Oh, time to get our fit on." "Let's go." "Still ain't my daddy." "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "A spokesperson for the SBPD found it odd that the surveillance footage wasn't submitted earlier in the proceedings." "Wait, why did she sound like a news reporter all of a sudden?" "You left the TV on, remember?" "SHAWN:" "Oh, look at that." "(SIGHS)" "Wow." "This is really horrible." "Gus is so underappreciated around here." "TONY:" "Bingo." "Now you're getting it." "Your imagination is dark and ridiculous, but at least the message is buried in there somewhere." "Oh, you mean that everyone would be miserable if I hadn't come back to Santa Barbara?" "I could have told you that." "Boy, you in for a surprise." "Man, you can't just say I'm in for a surprise and then eat a ginger snap." "I can do anything I want." "So now what?" "Wait for it!" "Told you." "What is this place?" "(IN GERMAN ACCENT) Halt!" "KAREN: (IN GERMAN ACCENT) Halt!" "Repositioning." "Don't move." "Don't breathe." "Don'tthink." "The Chief wishes to speak." "Why does Chief Vick have a German accent?" "Because you watched Austin Powers last night and you have a thing for Frau Farbissina." "And now so do I." "Thank you, Frau Vick." "Oh!" "Gentlemen," "I will not mince words." "It has been brought to my attention that only 31% of arrested assailants have sustained gunshot wounds." "Now this I'm sure you all realize is entirely unacceptable!" "Unacceptable!" "We do not provide you with the heavy firearms you wear near your hearts and the endless ammunition so that you can finesse justice." "Do we, Junior Detective McNab?" "No, sir!" "You give them to us so we can shoot criminals." "As you were." "It is believed Czarsky has interest in several small businesses on Santa Barbara's west side, though his affiliations remain unconfirmed." "So because I never came back, she ends up getting demoted and Lassie ends up with his dream job." "At least they respect him." "(SIGHS)" "Oh, poor McNab." "So, you see?" "Not everybody's worse off without you." "All the more reason I needed to come home." "I'm a savior." "I saved the SBPD." "Wow." "You're so insecure." "Wait a minute." "Where's Jules?" "Oh." "You weren't here to out Lassiter's secret tryst with his old partner, so the timing didn't work out for her transfer to Santa Barbara." "Wait, she's still in Miami?" "Well, let's get out of here." "What are we waiting for?" "You might want to sit down." "(SIGHS)" "What about you?" "Bye-bye." "AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:" "Please keep your hands and feet in at all times." "All lowered and locked position." "(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)" "(PEOPLE SCREAMING)" "(CAMERA CLICKS)" "Whoa." "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(SCREAMING)" "We have no backup." "They have heavy artillery." "We called for backup, Bachynsky." "If we lose them, we have nothing to back up." "It also means we suck." "Jules, this is so hot." "You're like Heather Locklear in T.J. Hooker, which means he's Adrian Zmed." "Wait a minute." "Are you dating Dwyane Wade?" "That doesn't even make sense." "He's with Gabrielle Union." "All units, all units, we are about to engage in a suicide mission." "Please come and save me." "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "(BOTH GRUNT)" "BACHYNSKY:" "What are you doing?" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Wait!" "No!" "(GUNS FIRING)" "(SHAWN EXCLAIMING)" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "Cover me." "No way!" "I'm going fetal!" "(GRUNTING)" "(GUNS FIRING)" "(SIRENS WAILING) Damn it!" "Oh, what were you guys waiting for?" "Canadian Thanksgiving?" "Up the fire escape!" "Go!" "Go!" "Hey, why couldn't we just let them go?" "Because they're violent criminals and they smuggled those cigars." "You know what?" "I don't think I'm cut out for this." "I need to transfer to somewhere like Santa Barbara." "Oh, that would be nice." "I'd probably be a detective by now." "FEMALE DISPATCHER:" "Authorities have long since been investigating" "Czarsky's ties to the Miami-Dade County area." "And now sports with Collin Hillis." "What the hell happened to you?" "You missed all the action." "All I missed was getting tossed around like a black lotto ball." "Oh, that, and Juliet almost getting killed up here in the 'hood." "She's very lucky I came back." "I had no idea what a major role" "I played in her career development." "How much longer are you going to stay in denial, huh?" "How much more time do we have?" "Get out of the car." "Can I be perfectly honest with you?" "I can't feel anything below my chin." "(BLOWING)" "Oh, no." "Gus is melting." "I need to wake up." "Not until you learn your lesson." "I did." "I learned how important I am to everyone." "This isn't about them." "Haven't you seen It's a Wonderful Life?" "No." "I can't do black and white." "How about A Christmas Carol?" "I can't do subtitles." "You know what I did see?" "Elf." "How come you're not in that movie?" "It's not about me and which roles" "I should have gotten over Dinklage." "What do you think you would be doing if you hadn't come back home, Shawn?" "Huh?" "Working the Wienermobile in Madison?" "Or giving tours at Graceland?" "Hey, Elvis has his own racquetball court." "Those jobs were fun." "It was just you bouncing around, avoiding responsibility and emotional commitment." "I mean, sure it was fun back then." "You were a kid." "It's time to grow up, or you're going to lose the people that care about you the most." "I am?" "I guess I can afford to make a stride or two." "Yeah, you could." "Hey, don't give in to him, you sellout." "Where the hell did you come from?" "Your butt." "Who is this?" "Us." "As a kid." "Doesn't look like "us as a kid."" "Well, we changed." "Sometimes from week to week, huh?" "It's true." "We made a deal to never grow up." "And I held up my end like a champion." "I know you did, but you know what?" "It was easier for you." "It's acceptable to act like a 12-year-old when you're actually a 12-year-old." "Well, you were doing just fine, too, until little Frodo Jenkins here came along." "Dude, I will lay him out." "He didn't mean that." "Uh, yes, I did." "Dude, he's ripping us apart." "So dramatic." "Go to your room, or do whatever you want." "Go!" "You're freaking me out!" "Go!" "You don't have to kill your inner child." "Just take responsibility for your decisions and the way they affect others, you mutton head." "Hey." "You don't have to be a little bastard." "Yes, I do." "That's the only way I can penetrate your thick skull." "I think I got it." "I really do." "It's about damn time." "Look, it's a snow bunny!" "Where?" "Hey, there's no..." "You don't mind the ox, Cox." "Come on, Babe." "Don't be a stranger." "I'm kidding." "Be a stranger." "(SIGHS)" "I was right about those cameras." "There weren't any." "That surveillance footage was shot from the outside." "Who am I talking to?" "Oh, brown-snowman Gus," "I think I'll miss you most of all." "SHAWN:" "Hey." "Thank you." "Now, Shawn, make this quick." "I had to pick up two extra routes now that we're suspended." "My case weighs over 60 pounds." "Gus, the light bulb came on." "I've had a catheter." "Catharsis." "You're my big, sweet, brown rock and you always have been." "I'm not giving you any money, Shawn." "No, no, no." "I should have listened to you." "I'm sorry." "Of all the relationships in my life, ours is easily the most stable and the only one I haven't screwed up." "If I hadn't come back to Santa Barbara," "I don't know what you'd be doing, but wherever I was, I'd be wishing I had you there to lean on." "Just like the first time I got kicked out of little league for corking my bats." "Just like I am now." "I need you to help me out of this mess, buddy." "Shawn, look, you're my boy." "And if you hadn't come back," "I'd probably be married some kind of material girl and playing in a men's over-30 dodge ball league." "They have those?" "Of course they do." "And look, I'm glad you found your clarity, but I don't think there's any way to possibly get out of this one." "I have two backstage passes to Ralph Tresvant next weekend that says there is." "Yes, we can." "What have we got?" "Stealth mode." "See, I had to go to sleep and dream in order to think straight, but I was right." "There were no security cameras in that room." "So how did Czarsky's defense get that footage of you?" "It was shot through a window." "From the outside?" "From the angle of the video, the surveillance footage was shot from that window over there." "What do you say?" "(SNIFFING) Do you smell that?" "I ate a bran muffin." "I needed something quick." "I'm talking about inside there, Shawn." "Whatever it is, it's petroleum based." "Huh." "Where do you think the super sniffer ranks among other heroes' powers?" "Below x-ray vision and weather control, but definitely better than anything Robin brings to the table." "Which is nothing." "Exactly." "He's a liability." "So is Batgirl." "Whoever lives here is home and does not want to be disturbed." "(DOOR OPENS)" "Census bureau." "So what's our move?" "Brace yourself, Gus." "We're going to have to play by the book." "It'll be difficult, but I'm going to help you through it." "I always play by the book." "I know." "We are going to use impulse control, which is the practice of controlling one's impulses." "For instance, I look down and see that roach there and I tell myself, I can't eat that." "Do I need to slap you in the face?" "Let's focus." "We're going to bring the police in on this lead before we do anything else." "What are you staring at?" "I'm telling myself I can't squeeze your sweet, sweet head." "All right, Dobson, it's worth a shot." "Lassie, I know, I know I am the last person on Earth that you want to see right now, but I brought you something." "Where's Jules?" "If you must know, she's out trying to find a new lead on the Czarsky case." "Cleaning up your mess of epic proportion has been taking its toll on everyone." "And while I usually have no time for you, today I actually have less than no time for you." "Lassie, listen." "It's no secret that we've had our beefs, our riffs, our..." "Static." "In the past." "But I have recently taken a long look at the man in the mirror." "(MIMICS MICHAEL JACKSON) What I discovered was, in spite of always giving you such a hard time about being too uptight, too rigid, the truth is, I could have gotten a lot further in my own life" "if I'd had even half of your discipline." "And posture." "Sure." "And the stern bush." "Absolutely." "And my pursuit driving ability." "If you need to hear that then, yes." "Now, come on, let's hug it out." "I would rather fall in love with a vegan." "That's fair." "Look, this lack of animosity between us is kind of freaking me out right now." "I've had a psychic vision about a location that may yield new evidence in the Czarsky case." "Spencer, you're on suspension, and technically I shouldn't even be talking to you right now." "All we're going to do is take a drive." "Once we get there, we will do everything your way." "That's if you still want to catch this bastard." "I'll drive." "This is it?" "Yep." "And I'm sensing that nobody's home." "SBPD!" "What is that odor?" "(SNIFFS)" "Whatever it is, it's flammable." "Which is something I like to call cause." "This is it." "This is where the surveillance footage was shot from." "You stay here until I clear the room." "SHAWN:" "He wasn't watching me." "He was watching Czarsky." "Hey, is it area codes or state capitals that you're all Rain Man-y with?" "I'm Rain Man with area codes." "State capitals, I'm more like John Nash." "The dude from Clean House?" "That's Niecy Nash, Shawn." "She's a fine full-bodied woman." "What?" "Uh, 305." "Miami and all of South Florida." "State capital, Tallahassee." "FEMALE DISPATCHER:" "Authorities have long since been investigating" "Czarsky's ties to the Miami-Dade County area." "MAN ON PHONE:" "Hola, Juan." "Que?" "Juan?" "Guys, you're going to want to get in here." "MAN:" "Hola." "Uh, trampolina gigante." "I got to go, man." "MAN:" "Juan?" "Here we come." "This seems to be the source of the odor." "And there's this." "Whoever took that footage of you, sure seems to have his own axe to grind with Czarsky, but it doesn't make sense." "This guy was building a bomb to kill Czarsky." "I'm getting something." "I think this may go back to the time" "Czarsky spent in Miami, and I'm getting a name." "Juan." "It's Miami." "You got anything else?" "He lives here now." "He's from Miami." "You thinking what I'm thinking?" "Get this, Vice was trying to nail Czarsky on extortion in Miami for years, which is why he moved his dirty business to the west coast." "The night before he disappeared, a restaurant, Tacos al Carmen, was in the hotbed of Czarsky's operations, it burned to the ground." "Dang." "I would give anything for a taco right now." "One of the proprietors was killed in the fire, Carmen Verin." "She co-owned the restaurant with a Juan Lava." "A Juan from Miami with a score to settle with Czarsky." "Good job, Spencer." "No, no, no, that feels a little weird." "I'm sensing there's something more to the story." "Our Juan wasn't the culinary type." "We're going to stake the place out until little Billy Bomb-maker comes home." "Guster, you take Spencer, take your fun little car, park behind Czarsky's lair, keep an eye out for that snake while we wait for Lava." "Anything new?" "Nope." "He's still playing poker and drinking absinthe with the ponytail guys." "You know they say the wormwood in absinthe makes your shadow glow." "We should do shots and then play laser tag." "Shawn, you need to try to take a nap." "You look tired." "(SCOFFS) Gus, don't be Keith Sweat now." "I'm sharp as a tack." "(SNORING)" "Hey, long time, no see." "Not long enough." "That's not very nice." "Why am I back here?" "Tell me that." "Perhaps your work on this planet isn't done." "I'm not from another planet." "Well, regardless." "My dad won't take my calls." "He won't see me." "Not surprising." "Oftentimes on these journeys of character discovery," "I've found that one relationship proves more difficult than the others to rectify." "Is that right?" "How many of these things have you done?" "I don't owe you an explanation." "Answer me this, why did he take that job in the first place, huh?" "I guess he wanted to protect me during the Yin investigation." "Maybe in his own way he's still protecting you." "And maybe he's enjoying working with you in the process." "You ever think of that?" "I'm still here." "Normally, folks kind of blink me away when they come to a realization." "You get it?" "Well, Mr. Snowball Slinger to the Face," "I happen to be a big fan of the awkward exit." "I hate you." "(SCREAMS) GUS:" "Shawn." "Kareem, you took off your goggles." "What?" "What?" "That was Lassiter." "They've had Juan in interrogation for an hour, but he won't talk." "He wants you to give it a try." "But on the DL, since technically you're still suspended." "(SIGHS) I will crack him." "I will crack him like a chestnut." "You stay here, Gus." "Call if you see anything weird, okay?" "You realize I'm going to have to take the Blueberry?" "Juan, my name is Shawn." "I know who you are." "I'm here to help." "And I loved you in Y tu mamá también." "I'm a Cuban-American in my 30s." "Those guys were Mexican teenagers played by guys in their 20s." "That's fair." "One of the proprietors died in the fire, Carmen Verin." "She co-owned the restaurant with a Juan Lava." "Carmen." "She was more than just your business partner." "She was your fiancée, wasn't she?" "Yes." "You opened that restaurant for her, Juan." "And Czarsky destroyed it." "He took my whole world away that night, and they ruled it an accident." "If Czarsky goes to jail for tax fraud, he can still hurt people." "If that's the best you can do, that's not good enough." "I was casing that guy for months." "You got in the way." "I had no choice but to turn over that footage." "He wouldn't have done any real time." "The only way to stop a guy like Czarsky is to put him in the ground." "No, Juan, you are not murderer." "You are a good man." "And if you kill this guy, you will spend the rest of your life in jail." "I will make you a promise." "I will nail this guy for a hell of a lot more than tax fraud, but you've got to give me a chance, man." "Give me a chance." "It's too late." "Forgive me." "Czarsky going to blow up in 24 minutes!" "We've got less than 15." "Tell me exactly where the bomb is and how to diffuse it." "Tell me, you can still have a life." "Tell me, Juan." "Think of Carmen." "Tell me now." "Now." "It's about time we got some law and order around here." "Shut up." "I didn't join the force to save world-class scumbags like you." "CARLTON:" "All right, 30 seconds." "Secure the perimeter and brace for impact." "I swear to God, if I lose one of my people." "Clear!" "Clear!" "Long time, no see." "How's that pretty little lady of yours?" "She's not still smoking, I hope." "(BOTH EXCLAIM)" "Keep laughing." "All the way to San Quentin." "Never get anyone to testify against me." "Not in this lifetime." "No." "I will testify." "Haven't you embarrassed yourself enough already?" "Hardly." "I'm just getting started, you giant cockroach." "You know what?" "That was out of line." "I apologize to cockroaches everywhere, especially Jiminy Cricket, although for the first time in over 30 years, it occurs to me he might be a cricket." "Of course he's a cricket." "I will testify that even though I can't prove it," "Czarsky is extorting your hard-earned wages, making you pay by threatening your lives and the lives of your loved ones." "I will testify that even though I can't prove it," "Czarsky uses your legitimate businesses as fences for his criminal operations and dastardly deeds." "We took an oath to serve and protect you." "But we can't always do it on our own." "Sometimes we need your help." "We know this is easy for us to say." "We don't know how it feels to be you, but there is someone who does." "I do." "That man killed my fiancée." "Her name was Carmen." "Her dream was to have her own restaurant." "She had a gift she wanted to share with as many people as possible." "They would light up when they ate her food and she would light up watching them." "We refused to pay him for nothing so he burned our restaurant down, but she was still inside." "Think of your families, your children, any one of you could be next, and he's just getting started." "I know you're scared, but he can't touch us if we stand together." "Nice try." "Got me right here." "I will testify." "He collects on Thursdays, and I can prove it." "I will testify." "He stashes his contraband in my garage." "I'm done being afraid." "You bet your ass I'll testify." "(ALL AGREEING)" "Sergei Czarsky, it gives me great pleasure to say that you are under arrest." "(ALL CHEERING)" "You have the right to remain silent." "All the way to San Quentin." "You..." "Lassie, before you go off on me," "I was way, way off on the whole bomb thing." "It turns out Juan here was just counting down the minutes to tonight's season premiere of True Blood." "Sookie." "Nice try, Spencer." "That bomb would have blown us all to hell if it weren't for Captain Lane Scott Thomas here and the entire bomb squad." "Actually, Detective, it was a false alarm." "Huh?" "We were clear because there was no bomb." "My team searched every inch of that building." "Like I said, my bad." "But it all worked out in the end, huh?" "Let's hit it, O'Hara." "We've got a lot of booking to do." "Best Christmas I've had since ever." "Catch." "Well, it looks like you're free to go, Mr. Lava." "Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas." "You guys want some eggnog?" "BOTH:" "Yes." "Juan Lava's lactose-free eggnog." "Are you guys hearing me?" "Do you understand how jingly it is?" "Because as soon as you hear Lava, you're not thinking about lactose." "Okay, Shawn, that's enough." "Seriously." "Juan, that took some real courage speaking up." "Thank you guys for giving me a second chance." "I think I'm going to stay here for a while." "Good for you." "Yeah, I like it here." "Really?" "It's super cheap." "Hmm." "Take care, guys." "SHAWN:" "Okay, Juan." "Merry Christmas." "Yeah." "All right, let's see it." "Don't you ever, ever ask me to diffuse a bomb again." "You hear me?" "Whoo!" "You take the red wire." "You cut that one first." "SHAWN:" "Come on, the instructions were so simple." "And look at that, you did it with three and a half minutes to spare." "You know my thumbs flutter like humming bird wings in high-pressure situations." "You were brilliant, as usual." "I couldn't have done it without you." "Where's the rest of the bomb?" "The dumpster behind the ampm." "Nice." "Well, let's hit DQ country." "I believe I owe you a Dilly Bar." "We have no car, Shawn." "It's not too far." "We can walk it." "Just like we did in little league." "Impressive work, Mr. Spencer." "You really turned things around." "Well, the truth is, I don't deserve credit for righting a wrong that was mine to begin with." "Lassiter and Juliet are the ones that should be commended." "Which is what I told the mayor." "I also spoke to Internal Affairs." "Right." "Considering we were able to get Czarsky on much more serious charges than we had before, they've concluded their investigation." "Really?" "But that doesn't change the fact that you caused this department a great deal of embarrassment." "So I don't want to see your face around here, at least until after the New Year." "That's more than fair." "In the spirit of the Yuletide, might I make a request of my own, Chief?" "I'm listening." "It's not for me." "It's..." "It's for my dad, right?" "I mean, he's kind of been a different man, if you hadn't noticed, since he started working here again." "I mean, his eating habits haven't changed and he still watches reruns of The Rifleman, but..." "Your father can have his job back if he wants it, Shawn." "But the rules are still going to be the same." "You're still going to have to answer to him." "Oh, I know." "Yes, I know." "Thank you, Chief." "Thank you." "Merry Christmas, Mr. Spencer." "May I, for the road?" "Please." "Okay." "(SIGHS)" "(INAUDIBLE)" "(LAUGHS)" "(CHUCKLING)" "Oh, my God." "Oh, God."