"Oh, hi, alex." "I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that you and dean broke the school record" "By dating two months, four days and three periods." "Yep." "I know." "I saw your banner in the cafeteria." "Thank you." "Oh." "You saw that?" "Then I guess I wore this "check out my banner" shirt for no reason." "Hey, you should have told them where." ""in the cafeteria." ok." "Wow, harper." "Sometimes I feel like you put more effort" "Into my relationship with dean than he does." "I'm sorry." "Are you creeped out?" "No." "You haven't creeped me out for weeks." "Oh, wait, here he comes." "Hey, russo, I got a gift for my girlfriend." "Oh, let me guess." "Something you made in woodshop again?" " I love how you know me." " Oh." "Oh, look." "It's a birdhouse." "Or a mailbox." "Wait, which one is it?" "Both." "Oh, dean." "These aren't really gifts." "They're assignments." "Just like all the other ones were." "It's just..." "It'd be nice if you gave me something more special." "Well, this is my first b-minus." " It's pretty special to me." " Wait a minute." "Is that a d turned into a b?" "Busted." "* well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze * * that the end will no doubt justify the means * * you can fix any problem at the slightest ease * * yes, please * * well, you might find out it'll go to your head *" "* when you write a report on a book you never read * * with a snap of your fingers you can make your bed * * that's what I said * * everything is not what it seems *" "* when you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams * * you might run into trouble if you go to extremes * * because everything is not what it seems * * everything is not what it seems *" "* when you can have what you want by the simplest of means * * be careful not to mess with the balance of things * * because everything is not *" "* what it seems *" "Ok, today's lesson will be on shape shifting." "Mom, what are you doing here?" "Demonstrating shape shifting." "Thank you, justin." "Yeah, could we have a lesson on how to get your boyfriend to treat you more special?" "Do I need to shape shift back into your mom" "And give you one of her eye rolls and hip twists?" "No, wait." "I can do it." " Work it, sister." " Ooh." "Professor crumbs, to what do we owe this..." "This honor?" "I need to ask a favor of your father." "Unfortunately, wiztech has been completely infested with these." "Ooh!" "A school full of wizards can't deal with those?" "Alex, if you had studied your wizardry," "You would know plastic is impervious to even the most powerful magic of all." "Because of the plastic ball infestation," "We can't occupy the castle or teach magic." "But removing plastic balls is a pricey proposition wiztech cannot afford." "Well, why don't you sell some of those fancy words like "proposition" and "afford"?" "We need to figure out a way to get wizworld industry's" "Plastic ball removal specialists to help us." "Plastic ball removal specialists?" " yes." " Sounds dangerous." "In the meantime, jerry, I was hoping you could house a few of the wiztech students," "Just for the time being." " I don't see any problem with housing a few students." "Hey, that's not a few." "No taksies backsies." "Wow." "I barely fit through that door." "Hugh, how many times do I have to tell you, you're not a giant." "All right?" "I'm bigger than you." "Well, my overnight bags beg to differ." " Hey, hugh." " Oh, hi, alex." "This is my friend, ronald." "Hello." "Alex," "I'm ronald longcape, junior." "Ok." "I'm alex russo, sophomore." "I should be a junior but I don't test well." "You gotta show up to not test well." " Oh, hi." "Ronald, right?" " Yes." "Thanks for remembering." " I didn't really remember." "That's why I was asking." "But I did remember your order." "Half of a chocolate shake and two onion rings." "Wait, that's um..." "That's not my order." "That's from the table you just cleared." "Who can keep any of that straight, right?" " Wait, wait." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Do you want me to take your order?" "No, I just want to keep talking to you." "Oh." "Oh, that's sweet." "If I weren't working I would sit down and talk for a while." "Oh, come on." "You look like somebody" "Who's always looking for an excuse to get out of work." "What?" "No, I am not." "Here, let's discuss it." "So, how's it going out here?" "It's a bunch of rambunctious teenagers with wizard powers." "How do you think it's going?" "Sure, you're angry now." "But I promise, in a year from now we're gonna laugh." "Hey, let's start now." "No." "Ah, professor crumbs." "Just the guy I'm looking for." "While you're staying with us I got you a track suit just like mine" " So you'll fit in." " Thanks." "I'm an 850-year-old wizard." "I think I know how to fit in." " It makes you look skinny." " Where's the dressing room?" "No need." "Right, sweet." "Now, when you walk the swishy sound makes static electricity." "Go find someone to prank and shake their hand." "Hey, justin, good to see you." "Oh, professor..." "Swishy pants." "Gotcha." "I'm glad you all think that's so funny." "Now, what are we gonna do about the plastic ball infestation at wiztech?" "Oh, justin, don't worry." "Everything will work itself out." " It sounds like you're doing nothing." " I'm learning to shock people" "With my pants." "I'd hardly call that nothing." "I didn't expect to see anybody here." "Neither did I." "You must be doing what I'm doing." "Trying to figure out what's going on with wiztech" "And who cursed it." "That's exactly what I'm doing!" "So, what have you found?" "Oh!" "You got me!" "Oh, you're one smart cookie, figuring out that" "I was the one who infested wiztech with plastic balls." "You did this?" "Why?" "For a whole bunch of evil reasons." "Here's my list." "Color balls:" "Evil." "Check." "Taking over wiztech:" "Eviler." "Check." "Throwing the birthday party I never had..." "Not so evil, but I'm doing it." "And then what, are you gonna open up" "Like, a totally evil wizard school?" "I like that!" "After the birthday party." "The only bummer is, my son isn't here." "He got sent off with the wiztech students." " Who's your son?" " I'm never gonna tell you." "what's your name?" "Ronald longcape, senior." "Is your son ronald longcape, junior?" "Are you a detective?" " No, just a smart boy with a curious mind" "And the power to stop you." "Spandau ballet tell me it's true" "Take this evil man you know what to do" "Aren't you forgetting something?" "If we weren't standing knee-deep in plastic balls I would use magic on you so bad." "Don't go." "I..." "Um..." "You!" "You!" "Ronald longcape, junior." "I met your father and he's evil and my guess is, so are you." "Ronald, have you met my brother, justin?" "It's ok, alex." "Um..." "He's right." "My father is evil." " And you know what he's gonna do now that wiztech is vacant?" "He's gonna open up a totally evil wizard school." "It's ok." "Trust me." "My father always thinks big but he can never deliver." "And look, I'm telling you that." "It's proof that I'm not evil." "Oh, good enough for me." "Justin, can we have a couple menus?" "Not good enough for me." "The flame doesn't fall far from the inferno." "If you knew your father was evil then why didn't you say anything, huh?" "Well, because I was afraid." "I thought if people knew my father was evil, they'd treat me, well," "Kinda like how you're treating me now." " Yeah, justin." "You're being very rude." "And what are your specials?" "We have the turkey pastrami on rye and a philly cheese steak." "Now listen up!" "I'm gonna fix the problems your father created at wiztech" "And if you try and stop me I'm gonna know you're evil." "Come on, ronald." "I'm sure we can find a restaurant" "Where the wait staff won't call you evil!" "That was a really fancy restaurant." "I mean, you got great food, you got great bowling." "So, maybe we should go back there again on our next date." "What?" "Oh, no, no." "This wasn't a date." "Please don't say "date" because I have a boyfriend and his name is dean." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I didn't know you had a boyfriend." "I haven't seen him around." "Well, yeah, 'cause he's probably in shop class right now," "Making me something that won't express his true feelings." "Well, let's see how I do." "* there's a rainbow up in heaven * * and that rainbow spells alex * * ronald really likes you, girl *" "Thank you for a wonderful day, alex." "Alex, what was going on out there?" "Where's dean?" "That boy was well inside your "kiss or clobber" radius." "Oh, um, him?" "No, no." "That's just a family friend." "He's visiting from wiz..." "Uh..." "Wisconsin, and he said that we were on a date." "And I said, "no, because I have a boyfriend, dean."" "You do." " Who's not great at expressing feelings." " He's not." " Doesn't mean I don't like him." " You like him." " Then ronald left." " His name's ronald?" " Yes, and I was just with him" "And now I kind of miss him." " You do?" " I do." "What am I gonna do?" "I'll tell you what I'm not gonna do." "Study for my history final." "My friend needs me." "Yeah." "Alex, you and dean just broke the longest relationship record." "I don't know much about relationships," "But I don't think dating another guy is the way to celebrate." "I'm not dating ronald." "We just went out to dinner." "Well, it may have started out as dinner," "But when you guys came back you're all, "I miss him, I love him, he's the love of my life."" "I never said he was the love of my life." "I'm sending your story into a teen magazine for advice" "And if you don't let me juice it up they'll never publish it." "You've got to break up with ronald." "I can't break up with ronald." "I'm not even going out with him." "I see the problem." "Ronald has to go away for a long, long time." "I'm on it." "Harper, forget that." "Dean's gonna come over so I can tell him I made a mistake before he finds out from somebody else" " And it becomes this whole big thing." " Ok, but if that doesn't work," "I can still make ronald go away for a long, long time." "What are you gonna do?" "Start making him really uncomfortable" "With some of my staring until he goes away." "You know the stare." "Stop it." "You're uncomfortable, aren't you?" "Please, harper, stop." "Oh, justin, honey, you'd really have an easier time in school" "If you just dressed like everybody else." "Mom, please." "I'm dressed for success." "I'm gonna give the wizworld industry executives" "A tour of wiztech so I can convince them to remove the plastic balls." "Great!" "Who's gonna cover your shift?" "Me." "Hey, justin, where's your sister?" "She told me to come over so I made her this card in woodshop." "I think I'm finally getting what she's trying to say," "So I'm trying to say something I think she might get." "I don't know." "She was hanging out with some dude." "Ronald." "Whoa." "Ronald?" "Yep." "His name was definitely ronald." "Thanks." "Now, 'cause I date your sister I tell people not to laugh at you." "But you're not helping me right now." "I'm going on a business trip." "We're gonna tell people you've got a court date." " All right." "Tell those people I was defending you." "Do you do that?" "'cause I need someone." "All you have to do now is prove there's no way I could throw that far." "I didn't hear that." "I can't be associated with this." "Excuse me." "Are you looking for alex?" "Who are you?" "I'm ronald longcape, junior." "Dean moragardi." "Supposed to be a junior but I'm a sophomore." "I don't test well." "Hey, hold on." "Alex is off with a guy named ronald." " Are you him?" " Um, I'm here with you." "Ah-ha." "Exactly." "You get that I don't test well, right?" "Look, I think I know where alex is." " Why don't you come with me?" " All right." "Thanks." "Hey, you're ok, ronald." "Let me know if you see that other ronald." "That guy's in big trouble." "Will do." "So, you say you don't test well?" " Nah." "now that you've seen our wonderful facility" "Don't you want to help us so that we can reopen it" "For wizards present and future?" "Now, are there any questions?" "Can we play in the balls now?" "You're the executives of wizworld industries." "We're not here to play in the balls." "We're here to see if your company will help us by removing them." "Ok." "We'll help you clean up the balls" "If you let us put up a couple of wizworld signs around here." "You mean like when sports drinks sponsor sports arenas?" "Yeah, exactly like that." "So, are we gonna play in these balls or what?" "Uh..." "Well..." "Then, yes." "Sure, yes." " Whoo!" " Yeah!" "So does this mean we're getting our school back?" "Yeah!" "Make way!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "This is unprofessional." "Dean, I'm glad you came over." " Me, too." "There's something I need to talk to you about." "No, there's something I need to talk to you about." "I wanted to do it in person." "Oh, here, let me text you right now." ""it's just not working out." "I'm breaking up with you."" "What?" "Wait, what are you saying?" ""I can't believe this, dean."" ""well, you should, because..." what are we doing?" "You can't be breaking up with me." "Is this because somebody already told you I was hanging out with this guy?" "You mean ronald, 'cause I heard all about that." "Dean, it's true, but it was just a big misunderstanding." "Ronald's a nice guy and he likes me and he treated me special," " But you're my boyfriend." " Not anymore, I'm not." "Maybe you should make that ronald your boyfriend." " What are you doing?" "Stop." "I am stopping." "Stopping seeing you." "Forever." "See you in school." "I know you." "You're ronald and you better get out of here, because dean's coming over." "I'm not too worried about dean." "Hey, look." "I think I know where alex is." "Why don't you come with me?" "All right, thanks." "Hey, you're ok, ronald." "Let me know if you see that other ronald." "That guy's in big trouble." "Will do." "So, you say you don't test well?" " Nah." " Alex isn't in here." " That's weird." "I thought she was." "Hold on a minute." "You'rehat other ronald." "Piggly wiggly, get in the jiggly" "All right." "Now, time for my little dean impression." "Yeah, it's gonna go a little something like this." "I'm dean." "I don't test well." "That'll do." " That makes me uncomfortable." " Because it's working." "Guys!" "Guys!" "Guess what?" "I saved wiztech." "You're welcome." " How'd you do it, justin?" " It's complicated," "But I got wizworld industries to remove all the plastic balls" "And all we've got to do is let them put up a few signs advertising their products." "Ooh, like sports drinks do with sports arenas." "Yes." "Ahh!" "Swishy pants gotcha." "You're the one with the beard and I'm the mature one." "I just wish I could stop thinking about dean." "See, I know that if I was your boyfriend," "See, I wouldn't give you stupid wooden gifts." "How did you know he gave me wooden gifts?" "Um..." "It's a classic stupid guy move." "But this is what a good guy would do." ""I like you." "Do you like me?" "Check yes or no."" "Yes." "Oh, alex, this is perfect." "more perfect than you could ever imagine." "Wait, why did you say it like that?" "No reason." "Well, thanks for taking my mind off things tonight." "You kinda make me feel special." "Now that your brother saved wiztech," "And we're going back," "I'm gonna miss you, alex." "And I know it's only been two days," "But it seems like I've known you At least a week." "I'll miss you, too." "Hey, you know what?" "Why don't you come back to wiztech with me?" "Really?" "That seems so sudden." "Yeah, but doesn't it also seem romantic?" " Yeah." "And we can be that couple at wiztech that everyone looks up to." "Maybe we can even break the record for longest relationship." "Two months." " I know where we could get a banner." "You know what?" "Maybe change is good." "I'll go back to wiztech with you," "And we'll see about you and me." "That's perfect." "oh, more perfect than you will ever know."