"I have it." " AVON:" "Sector Eight?" " Sector Eight." "That's the asteroid?" "That asteroid is our passport into the Altern system, and out again when we've finished, right under the noses of the Federation." "TARRANT:" "Converging velocity, standard by 1." "DAYNA:" "Avon, what's the mass of that asteroid?" "About two billion tons, I would say." "Range 100,000 and closing." " Well, then I say the whole scheme's crazy." " Why?" "Two billion?" "Training manual rule one:" "Never play with asteroids." " They're what Murphy's Law's all about." " DAYNA:" "Murphy's Law?" "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." "The crews of any Federation patrols will have been taught the same lesson." "Range 90,000." "SLAVE:" "I don't wish to speak out of turn, but we're on a converging collision course" " with a large..." " We know." " I'm sorry, Master, but as asteroids go..." " Don't be sorry, be quiet." "If we want to keep this heap of ironmongery operational, we have to visit Altern Five in order to recover selsium ore to make fuel crystals." "Hitching a ride into the Altern system on that asteroid is the only way we're going to get past any Federation patrols and within teleport distance of Altern Five." "Now, if anyone has a better idea, I'd like to hear it." " I wish I'd kept my mouth shut." " Range 60,000." "Thirty seconds thrust at maximum power, vectored at 370 will match our course and velocity through the Altern system with the asteroid." "Thrust vector 6." "Stand by and override monitor." "Standing by." "Just how close are you planning to get to that thing, Avon?" "Fifty yards." "Fifty yards?" "Come on, Avon..." "Near enough to be in its radar shadow without the risk of being damaged by its spin." "Slave, we shall need the precision guidance subsystems on-line for the final approach." "Yes, Master." "Precision guidance on-line and standby." "Main drive thrust condition green for activation on your command." "Do we have to go that near?" "That spin won't just damage us, it'll tear the ship apart." "Vila's right." "We need a safer standoff distance..." "The closer we get, the less risk there is of our being detected by a Federation patrol." " Range?" " Five thousand." "There won't be anything left of us to detect unless we match velocity and course now." "Sit down!" "30 seconds." "We can't risk leaving it that long." "Maximum thrust will wreck the main drive." "We can't risk a patrol detecting plasma radiation from sustained thrust." "There are times when even the most cynical must trust in luck." "Now!" "Precision guidance lost." "Slave, initiate the backup system." "I'm very sorry about this, but that was the backup system." " Avon, I told you!" " The control panel's exploded." "TARRANT:" "The flight level redundancy programs are blown, there's nothing left." "Slave, damage report." "Main drive lost." "We know that." "What about the outer hull?" "I know I suggested it, but I told you it wouldn't work, not under these conditions..." "No external or internal sensors are functioning in the main drive plasma chamber or the main thrust tube, therefore, damage to the ship's stern must be considerable." " I'm sorry, Master." " He's sorry!" "Check the dark side." "Chances are we've wrecked the main drive's focusing core." " We carry a spare." " What use will that be?" "The main drive chamber can't be pressurised." "How do you carry out a delicate repair operation wearing a spacesuit and gauntlets?" " I don't." " Nobody does." "It's impossible." "It's like using an asteroid as cover to enter the Altern planetary system." "Maybe next time you'll listen to reason, if there is a next time, which seems unlikely." "Slave, what is our life support capability?" "One hundred and fifty-five hours, Master." "SOOLIN:" "Oh, by the time the oxygen runs out, we'll be bored as well as dead." " VILA:" "Look, Tarrant, I told him..." " Be quiet!" "Let us check all the systems." "I would prefer to be sure that dying is the best option we have." "Hello, there!" "Anyone for a party?" "I'm afraid you'll have to bring your own booze 'cause I've nearly drunk mine." "Anyone got any booze?" "Huh?" "And how about my cold, calculating Soolin?" "I'd like to see you unbend just a little before we're all, all..." "Sometimes, Vila, you can be quite disgusting." "Not so, my lovely." "I can be disgusting all the time." "It's easy." "Easy as colliding with an asteroid, eh, Avon?" "You know, they say all your life passes in front of you when you're about to, about to, you know." "It's what's happening to me now." "All my past life." "That's one misfortune we don't have to share." "Fourteen, I was, when I was first sent to a penal colony." "Ship was hit in the main drive by a meteoroid." "Bang!" "You know what they did to repair it?" "Activated the force wall, and generated an atmosphere inside the force wall so the repair team could work in a vacuum without spacesuits, 'cause it wasn't a vacuum any more, if you see what I mean." "Very clever, those old prison hulk skippers." "Slave, activate force wall." "Pressurise it with our air reserve." "That would be most inadvisable, Master." "I'm terribly sorry but our force wall generator is in a poor condition." "Slave's right." "We'd lose the lot." "It's a great pity we didn't bring Orac." "But I could manage a small force wall, a blister force wall, around the damaged part of the hull." "Then do it!" " Let's go." " Hurray!" "Out of the mouths of drunks..." " Drunk?" "Who's drunk?" " DAYNA:" "You are." "Show me how to get drunk on plain water and I won't waste time." "Well, then why pretend?" "Because, my lovely Dayna and Soolin, no one ever tells someone who's drunk to volunteer." "I don't like working in main drive chambers, especially main drive chambers that are separated from space by one of Slave's force walls." "We're in the main drive chamber." "It's going to take about an hour." "SOOLIN:" "Right." "We'll stand watch." " See if you can sober up Vila." " SOOLIN:" "We'll try." "It's weird." "Like being in space without a spacesuit." "Regeneration will take about 20 minutes, while we deal with the coil." "SLAVE:" "I'm very sorry to disturb you, but I think I've detected a patrol." "If they detect us, I have this feeling that the last thing they'll do is surrender." "SOOLIN:" "Avon, Tarrant, we've got company." "Three ships, possibly interceptors, range 200,000 and closing fast." "Have they detected us?" "It doesn't look like it, they're not on an interception course." "AVON:" "What class are they?" "That's just it, none of us are sure." "But they're maintaining a standard Federation patrol pattern." "We can't leave what we're doing." "AVON:" "Make a recording of them." "We'll look at it later." "DAYNA:" "Right." "Hologram recorder rolling." "Slave, keep the recorder sensors zeroed on those ships." " Soolin, Dayna, what's happening?" " The three ships just exploded." " They what?" " I know it sounds crazy, but they just blew up by themselves." " Well, it should get us back to base, anyway." " Sounds good to me." "AVON:" "Well, Orac, what do you think?" "I think you have brought back a most fascinating recording." "AVON:" "We are looking for conclusions, not critical acclaim." "Two conclusions." "First, the Federation have re-established their shipbuilding program ahead of my prediction." "Second, the early design of the main drives indicates that they have lost their top designer." "Orac, we'd worked that out already." "What we want to know is how three ships can suddenly blow up by themselves?" "If that had happened I would want an answer to the same question." "So what you're trying to tell us, Orac, is that those ships did not blow up by themselves." "I am not trying to tell you anything." "I am simply not interested in attempting to compensate for your amazing lack of observation." "All right, Dayna, play the recording again." "This time at half-speed." "VILA:" "So what's that supposed to tell us?" "That recording told Orac something." "If we want to know what it is, we have to check every frame." "What, at 10,000 frames per second?" "It'll take us hours." " So?" " So let's at least patch through a link" " to the crew room." " And do it in comfort." "A waste of time and effort." "We will do it here, and we will do it now." "All of us?" "We'll take it in shifts." "You may as well start," "Dayna." "Thanks a lot." "Avon, I've found something." "Look, there, near the bottom of the screen." "From its movement across the frames it's possible to calculate its velocity." "TARRANT:" "About standard by 12, at a guess." "In real time?" "That's not possible." "ORAC:" "Standard by 12.6 to be precise." "Well, as Vila says, nothing can travel at that speed in real time." "It is impossible." "Nothing could and it was impossible." "It is necessary for your statement to be rephrased, using the past tense." "So whatever it is, it fired three bolts at those ships before it passed in front of our sensors." "And at standard by 12 they never knew what hit them." "Just as well it left us alone." "So what is it?" "A single-seater space chopper." "They were a teenagers' craze two centuries back, until the Federation outlawed them." "Not surprising if they could do standard by 12." "They couldn't." "Which means that that one has been fitted with a new form of main drive unit." "ORAC:" "Which also means that the photonic space drive has been finally perfected by Dr Plaxton." "Who?" "But, Orac, Dr Plaxton was head of the Federation Space Drive Research Centre." "At the time of the Federation's collapse, the Doctor was developing a new space drive system that used light to exert thrust instead of plasma." "The Photonic Drive or the Stardrive machine, as it's known." "Was the prototype small enough to be fitted into a space chopper?" " Certainly." " Hey, just think." "If we can get one of those drives and swap it for the clapped-out unit on our ship..." "That will be our immediate objective." "Where is Dr Plaxton now?" "Presumably with the owners of that space chopper." "It's all a matter of observation." "Bring that thing into close-up." "Closer." "Concentrate on the pilot." "I want a close-up of his helmet." " VILA:" "It's a Space Rat!" " SOOLIN:" "Friends of yours?" "Friends?" "There's no such thing as a friend of a Space Rat." "They even hate each other." "TARRANT:" "What else do you know about them?" "They're maniacs, psychopaths!" "All they live for is sex and violence, booze and speed." "And the fellas are just as bad." "We had a couple in the penal colony." "They were always trying to frighten me." "They never succeeded, of course." "What were they imprisoned for?" "Breaking into transport museums." "When the Federation banned all leisure transport, they went in for stealing anything on wheels or could fly." "They were speed crazy, and I do mean crazy." "Speed is the key." "Find the Space Rats and we find Dr Plaxton." "That's exactly what we're going to do." "Now, look, I've tangled with just about every ugly in the book since I got involved with you lot," " but I draw the line at Space Rats." " Go on." "Well, they have no respect for life." "They're based on an ancient Earth sect of unbelievable viciousness." "Orac, where can we find these Space Rats?" "Their last known base was Caspar, an Earth-type planet in Sector Five." " Sector Five?" " We'll never make it with the state the ship's in." "What are our chances, Orac?" "100% better than your chances of getting anywhere else, if you don't obtain a new space drive for the ship within three months." "Thank you, Orac, that's a great help." " It'll take time to get the ship ready." " Better get on with it then." "I'll get the lights on for a start." "Can't we think about this?" "As much as you like, once we're underway." "Slave, set a course for Caspar in Sector Five." "Synchronous orbit around Caspar established and locked." "Supposing they come at us with one of their space choppers?" "There's no point in worrying about that." "No?" "After what happened to those Federation ships?" "Because we won't know anything about it." "Try again, Soolin." "Caspar." "Caspar, this is civilian freighter Scorpio calling Caspar." "We are not hostile, repeat, not hostile." "We wish to negotiate an alliance against the Federation." "Caspar, Caspar, this is Scorpio." "Do you copy?" "You're wasting your time." "They won't have radio." "The only technology they're interested in is on wheels or flies or goes bang." " You know what they're up to right now?" " What?" "Right now they're trying to make up their minds which piece of nastiness they're going to send up to zap us with." "Oh, surely they won't risk an attack without finding out first what it is they are going to attack." "That's the logical way of thinking." "But those psychopaths down there are Space Rats." "Their philosophy is simple, if it moves, zap it." "As you know so much about their philosophy, you would seem to be the ideal person to teleport down to talk to them." "Me?" "But I've just told you what they're like." "Get permission for us to land Scorpio." "Dayna will go down with you, just to keep an eye on you." "Yes, all right." "You don't seriously expect us to talk to them?" "Just check the place out." "Make sure we're right." "Scorpio's in no condition to make unnecessary landings, Vila." "AVON:" "Soolin, set the teleport coordinates." "VILA:" "And set them properly." "Not in the middle of a lake or something." "SOOLIN:" "With the state the final guidance is in you'll be lucky not to end up in space on a reciprocal coordinate." "Ready." "Vila?" "Vila!" "Dayna." "I'm stuck!" "(Vila groaning)" " I'm stuck." " So am I, Vila." "With you." "Oh, my back, my back." "Shut up!" "Be quiet!" " DAYNA:" "What is it?" " VILA:" "How should I know?" " What are they?" " They are the Space Rats." " What are they riding?" " I don't know." "If it moves on wheels, they steal it, and if it doesn't move on wheels, they zap it." "They don't like complications." " Seems like luck is on our side today." " Think so?" "That's one of the most ancient closed circuit television cameras I've ever seen." "Chances are it hasn't been working for years." "Descent from orbit begins in 45 seconds and counting." "Check." "You never intended to wait for Vila and Dayna to report back, did you?" "You're just using them." "Vila and Dayna are useful diversions." " If they get caught." " Which is fairly likely." "I wouldn't count too heavily on that." "Dayna's sharp and she handles a gun quite well, considering her sheltered upbringing." "Tune the detectors to the radio spectrum and you'll discover about 50 radiation sources dotted around that area." "Caused by leakages from badly maintained TV surveillance cameras." "AVON:" "That is in addition to the radiation from the cliff face itself, which is at a level you would expect from a high energy research laboratory, or a test chamber for a new space drive." "So, you've let Dayna and Vila walk into a trap." "We need the space drive." "DR PLAXTON:" "Particle driver control?" "NAPIER:" "Particle driver right." "Well, you'd better double check." "I'm going to take the drive up to 25% today." " In here, Doctor?" " Don't argue with me, Napier." "Particle driver satisfactory, Dr Plaxton." "Place the photon shield in position." "Stop!" "How many times do I have to tell you, you wear gloves in here!" "We're only moving a flagging shield, isn't it?" "I don't care." "I am not going to have 3,000 hours of work put at risk by a couple of freaks who never take a bath." "Don't need a bath." "Sweats regular." "Out!" " Now look..." " Go on, get out." "I'll do it." "You'd better go." " They'll complain to Atlan." " What the hell do I care?" "How I ever came to be mixed up with a bunch of psychopathic killers..." "It was your decision, Dr Plaxton, and one you were happy enough to make at the time, as I recall." "It was three years ago, Napier." "Everything's ready for the test." "Do you fetch him or shall I?" "I'll go." "We've made a mistake." "There's nothing here." "They must hope that everybody thinks as you do, including the Federation." "Eh?" " Concealed entrances." " Right." "Well, at least we've got the advantage of surprise." "(Spitting)" "Atlan, I'm ready to begin the test on the Mark Two drive." "Now." "Brigg, watch that." "Bomber." "Bomber!" "Two gooks outside." "Fetch, but don't bend, I might want to talk with them." "Well?" "What are you doing hanging around?" "Do you wish to join us?" "(Whispering) Vila." "This place is like some kind of underground maze." "We seem to have hit on some sort of a hangar." "This is not a good place to be, Dayna." " See what's under there." " Why?" "Just do it!" "I'll cover for you." "And very quickly." "We haven't much time." " This is a space chopper." " So is this." "I think we've seen enough." "We'll report back to the ship and then get out of here." " Avon." " Go ahead, Dayna." "Orac was right." "This is where the new space drives come from." "We found two space choppers and we think the main workshop is in the west cliff." " We're now ready for teleport." " Teleport is out of commission." " What?" " What do you mean "out of commission"?" "Not working, Vila." "Keep your heads down." "We'll be in touch." "Out." "There's another one." "Well, that's useful." "Save us having to find a marker for the grenade." "TARRANT:" "Right." "It's primed." "(Electronic beeping)" "Come on!" "You've got to find somewhere safe to wait." "Well, perhaps we could hide under here." "Wonder what this thing does?" "Tell you what this does, gook." "It goes bang." "And you go splat." "We'll be attacking by the time Vila tells them we're still on the ship." "More." "More!" "Come on, more!" "There's no point in overloading the Mark Two prototype." "Dr Plaxton." "Out of my way, idiot!" "Without my Space Rats scouring a dozen worlds for your raw materials there would be no Mark One or Mark Two." "And without my brains you would have no..." "Which I might decide I can now do without." "So, let's see what it can do, huh?" "Now, more." "(Vila groans)" "What's the noise?" "Nothing to the noise you gooks will soon be making." "What is it now?" "Seventy-five percent." "We must close down now." "Atlan, the shield's melting." "What was the simulated speed?" " Fifteen." " Fifteen?" "Fifteen!" "TD 15 in real time!" "My Space Rats will be knocking out Federation heavy cruisers next." " If they've any left." " Oh, yes, they have." "But not for long." "How soon can this be fitted to our space choppers?" "DR PLAXTON:" "Napier." "Well?" "What's wrong with the Mark One?" "It gives your space choppers TD 12." "Not as good as 15." "No Space Rat likes to put up with second best." "Speed and violence." "That's all you Space Rats think about." "As you well know," "I am not a Space Rat." "But so long as I give them what they want, they accept me as their leader." "Mindless destruction of Federation ships." "It's mindless." "You don't have a plan." "Maybe the Space Rats haven't got a plan, Dr Plaxton." "But we could have." "Total control over all the space trade routes." "I want no part of that." " All I want to do is to develop my space drive." " Fine!" "So how soon can this be fitted to our space choppers?" " It can't." " Why not?" "Because this is the only one." "So build more." "We've provided you with enough raw material to build 500." "I am a scientist, not a production engineer." "And the other reason why this can't be fitted to your space choppers is quite simply," " it won't fit." " Why not?" "Because the only way to increase the power was to increase the size of the photon generator chambers." "This drive was intended to be installed in a real spacecraft, not in toys driven by a bunch of murderous psychopaths." " Our agreement..." " Our agreement was that you provide me with the resources to continue with my work." "Well, that's exactly what I've done." "You will start modification work on the space drive now, Dr Plaxton." "If you refuse, I will tell the Space Rats that you are depriving them of speed," "and I will let them deal with you... in their own fashion." "If the readings are anything like accurate, this should be... the connecting wall." "You'd better get on with it." "(Pulsing electronic hum)" "Brigg, Bomber, Johns!" "We're going to the hills for some hunting." " What's this?" " The gooks." " Gooks?" " Yeah." "Don't look like Federation to me." "We're not." "Okay, bend them." " What does that mean?" " You'll find out." "(Pulsing electronic hum)" "Talk amongst yourselves." "This could take some time." "Wait!" "Wait!" "Before you kill us, you might let us see Dr Plaxton." "Stop!" "You know Dr Plaxton?" " Of course we do." " Old friend." " From where, gook?" " Oh, way back." " We were students of the Doctor's, once." " Studying what?" "Space drives, the photonic drive in particular." "You too, gook?" "Clever student?" "In that case, we had better take you both to see the Doctor." "Thank you." "(Pulsing electronic hum)" "Bomber!" "Dr Plaxton, how marvellous to see you again." "Do you remember us, Dayna and Vila, your best students?" "We thought we'd never see you again after you left the academy." "Is this some sort of trick?" "I've never seen these people before in my life." "(Dayna laughing)" "Your memory hasn't improved." "Do you remember the time when you lost your ground car and reported it to the police as having been stolen?" " And this must be your new photonic space drive." " Look, I don't know you." "Well, it doesn't look anything like as sophisticated as the prototype we were working on at the academy, but that's only to be expected having to work under these conditions." "I do not know these people." "Do not or will not?" "Could you two work on the development of the photonic drive?" " Of course." " This is my project." "Not for much longer, it seems." "How dare you take away my authority on this project..." "I will do a lot more than that, Dr Plaxton, if you prove to be of no further use to me." "I'm sure we'll be able to help you, Atlan, but first we'd better see if this thing is up to standard." " How do I start it?" " Leave it alone." "We have to see how it performs." "Start it up." " VILA:" "We need more power." " Why?" "Well, if we're to make a proper assessment." "Well, what do you think of it?" "Very nice." "It will be even nicer if you stand absolutely still." "SOOLIN:" "Hold it!" " Is this it?" " Yes." "We'll take it with us." "The door control." "Tarrant, give Vila a hand." "Space Rats!" "We are under attack." "Follow me." "The door." "I've done it." "Whoever you are, take me with you." "I'm dead if I stay here." "We take you and your photonic drive." "Let's go." "Let's go." "Over there." "We'll cover you." "Take that." "Come on!" "Bomber!" "There it is." "There." "Secure that and let's get the hell out of here." "Emergency lift stations." "Check functions." " Dayna?" " Check." " Vila?" " Check." " Soolin?" " Check." " Tarrant?" " Check." "All right, go!" "Slave, activate all sensory systems." "Set course 390 at maximum drive." "We'll give you a navigational program once we are clear of this planetary system." "At once, Master." "I'm sorry to have to report, Master, that three Federation ships are approaching on an intercept course of 03007." "Dayna, put them on the rear screen." "Range 200,000." "Their signals traffic indicates that they think we're from Caspar." "The state our main drive is in, we will be within their cannon range within an hour." " What's the matter with your main drive?" " It's a museum piece." " Standard fibre optic control connections?" " Very standard." "Then why not let me install this now?" "One burst from this and we'd put a lot of distance between us and those ships." " How long will it take?" " Fifty minutes." " If it's to be done, it'll have to be done in 45." " All right." "You can pressurise your main drive tube so I can work in there?" " Yes." "Come with me." " Fine." "DAYNA:" "Forty-four minutes, 55 seconds, and counting." "DAYNA:" "Two minutes, 10 seconds." "Just the main ignition controls now." "One minute precisely, Doctor." "Two more connections." "Not long now." "They're in range." " Time is up, Doctor." " Almost done." " Plasma bolt fired." " Thirty seconds to impact." "One more connection to... (Electronic beeping)" " What are you doing?" " Programming in the main circuit drive." "You can't do that." "That main drive will fire as soon as she makes the final connection." " SOOLIN:" "Fifteen seconds." " We can outrun that bolt." "She's dead either way." "SOOLIN:" "Ten seconds and counting." "9, 8, 7, 6..." "Good enough." "At least now we can outrun the opposition." "That should make you happy." "What about Dr Plaxton?" "Who?"