"(easy, upbeat funk intro playing)" "# #" "# When I wake up in the morning, love #" "# And the sunlight hurts my eyes #" "# And something without warning, love #" "(clock beeps)" "# Bears heavy on my mind #" "# Then I look at you #" "# And the world's all right with me #" "# Just one look at you #" "# And I know it's gonna be #" "# A lovely day... # -# Lovely, day, lovely day #" "# Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day #" "# Lovely day, lovely day #" "# Lovely day #" "# A lovely day... # -# Lovely day, lovely day #" "# Lovely day #" "# Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day #" "# Lovely day, lovely day #" "# When the day that lies ahead of me #" "# Seems impossible to face #" "# When someone else instead of me #" "# Always seems to know the way #" "# Then I look at you #" "# And the world's all right with me #" "# Just one look at you #" "# And I know it's gonna be... #" "(song continues faintly over radio)" "(vehicle beeping)" "(men talking indistinctly)" "Wait, man." "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!" "Put the clipboard down, Serpico." "He's just getting ready to move that, man." "Oh." "Okay, great." "If you could just move it, that'd be great." "Cool, man, no problem." "Damn, came out of nowhere." "City make you wear them shorts?" "Yeah, these are regulation-- we have to wear 'em till December 1." "Between those shorts and that little-ass truck, the shit's humiliating, man." "It's a living, right?" "Man, I'm glad I seen you when I did." "I can't afford another ticket." "Ooh, actually, you know, it's already been processed." "Whatcha talking about?" "Well, this clipboard's a computer." "You see, once I push "send," it goes straight to Albany." "It's in the system." "Well, un-send it, then." "You can't un-send it;" "it's too late." "You're not listening." "Now, I'm telling you, take my shit out the system, meter maid." "Uh, guys, please..." "I have to get going..." "Get going?" "!" "Where the hell you think you're going?" "You slam the door on me?" "Hey, boy, get your ass out of that box!" "I'll start kicking your ass, boy." "What..." "Hey, where you going?" "(kicking vehicle)" "Get away." "(both talking at once)" "Turtle One to base," "Turtle One to base, come in." "Hello?" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Hey!" "Look at him." "Don't make me use it, man." "Use it." "(rapid, anxious gasping)" "Don't hesitate!" "Shoot his ass!" "Yo, man!" "(gasping)" "Man, what the hell happened?" "Shit, Lloyd, you hit him." "No, I don't think so." "It must have been a ricochet." "Hello!" "Hello!" "(shouting):" "Were you hit by a ricochet?" "Little ticket man!" "Blink twice if you can hear me!" "(panting, coughing)" "Man, he ain't hit nowhere." "He's faking, man." "He just fainted." "Aw, man, you okay?" "Yes. (coughs)" "I'm sorry, I just..." "I get these panic attacks sometimes, that's all." "Damn!" "You can't do this to me, man." "Huh?" "I get nervous, you had my heart going all fast." "l-I'm sorry, really." "Yeah." "You know, just... here, let me pay for your ticket, okay?" "Yeah, that's more like it." "Here you go, that's $80-- that should cover it." "I-I mean," "$80 is nice, dude, it's sweet, but what about all the mental distress I just went through?" "You got something for that?" "Yeah." "What else you got?" "Could someone explain to me how one of my parking enforcement agents manages to lose his badge, his uniform and his standard-issue New Balance sneakers." "What could I do, Sarge?" "They took everything." "I'm sorry. (sighs)" "I..." "I was reading through my employee benefits, and it says" "I'm entitled to meet with a government counselor." "I'd like to meet with a counselor." "You're looking at him." "What do you mean?" "I'm the assigned counselor for District 240." "I figure, hey, why not take the bump on the paycheck." "Besides, I'm redoing my kitchen." "Oh, um..." "Don't worry." "I took the quiz." "I'm certified." "Well..." "I feel very, um," "alone." "Uh-huh." "And sometimes I get these panic attacks where I... (ring tone plays "Hail to the Chief")" "Oh, oh." "Hold that." "That's good." "Sweetie." "You wouldn't believe what I'm doing right now." "I'm counseling." "For real!" "Yo, Sarge, check it out, man." "I heard we got a new dress code around here." "How do I look?" "(laughing)" "How do I look?" "!" "You look good!" "I like that!" "Come on, come on, Rog, let's..." "Look at this guy!" "(laughs):" "You are a good dancer, bud!" "Yeah!" "Where are my pants?" "Where's my shoes at?" "# #" "# #" "Hi, Roger." "Hey." "So... so, you guys gonna play some tennis or something?" "Yeah." "Wow, what gave it away?" "(bell dings)" "You should work for Homeland Security." "(clears throat):" "Becky." "(clears throat)" "So, um..." "I read that letter that you posted to the building manager." "(chuckles) Oh, you did?" "Yeah." "I thought it was great." "Oh, well, thanks." "I mean, really well written." "(chuckles)" "Aren't you getting your master's in English?" "Yep, I am." "Wow." "Looks like you're well on your way." "Congrats." "Thanks." "Casanova's really pulling out all the stops today." "Seriously, where should I throw my panties?" "I'm sorry, Roger." "Becky thinks that any guy that even talks to a girl" "has to be a stalker." "I don't." "I just think he is." "(elevator bell dings)" "Aren't you, Roger?" "(doors opening)" "Uh, excuse me." "Where are you going?" "This is the third floor." "Oh, yeah, I know, but I was..." "I forgot something upstairs." "You guys have a great day." "(door closes)" "(overlapping chatter)" "Hey, lan." "Oh, hey, Rog." "How you doing?" "I'm okay." "Have you seen Wally around?" "We're learning the backstroke today." "Uh... you know what, you might come on in." "I want to talk to you about Wally for a second." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Just..." "it'll take a sec." "(door lock buzzes)" "Is everything okay?" "Huh?" "Uh, yeah, yeah." "He's-he's-he's fine, he's fine." "Uh..." "Thing is... he wants a new big brother." "What?" "!" "You know, I'm sure he just wants to play the field a little." "You know, see what else is out there." "You know how kids are." "Wow." "Can I at least talk to him?" "Roger, the kid is nine years old, all right?" "His dad just got shot in the heart, all right?" "Don't you think he's been through enough?" "Okay." "Well... are there any other kids?" "No." "No, man." "This is the third time this has happened." "I mean, maybe it's time to stop chasing rainbows, buddy." "All right." "Okay." "Sorry, man." "No." "Take it easy." "(door rattles)" "Oh, sorry." "(lock buzzes)" "You have to take your hand off." "(lock buzzes)" "Okay, go." "Take it." "No." "Take your hand off." "Roger, just stand away for one second." "(lock buzzes)" "Okay, the buzzer..." "G-Go now." "# #" "(indistinct chatter)" "(sobbing)" "Hey, Roger!" "Hold up, man." "Listen, I know..." "Are you... crying?" "I'm sorry." "It's not just Wally," "(sobbing):" "it's... everything." "He's crying." "Mac!" "It's all right, man, it's... it's okay, it's..." "Uh, yeah." "Shh." "(continues sobbing)" "All right, man." "Listen..." "Okay." "Listen." "Listen, man." "I know this guy, all right?" "And he, uh... he runs this thing." "I think it'd be a big help for you." "What do you mean?" "What kind of thing?" "Look, here, just call this number, all right?" "But you didn't get it from me." "I don't understand." "Look, Roger, I..." "(chuckles)" "I used to be like..." "you, you know?" "But look at me now, man." "I run this entire place." "I'm dating two different Asian chicks." "You want things to change?" "Call the number and follow the instructions." "I got to go." "Call it... or burn it." "Hey, Perkins, what the fuck did I tell you?" "Get inside and get your pudding." "(line rings)" "MAN (on phone):" "Hello." "Hi, I'm calling about..." "For new student registration, please press one." "l-ls this a recording?" "Just press it." "Hello?" "Just press the damn button, you asshole." "Uh, I think I have the wrong number." "Sorry." "(beep)" "(phone rings)" "Hello?" "Congratulations, you're already my worst student." "Who gave you this number?" "Uh, I have to go." "Hey, relax." "I'm here to help, okay?" "Now, who gave you the number?" "His name is lan Winsky." "Do you always rat out your friends that quickly?" "That says a lot about you." "I wasn't ratting out..." "Would you not interrupt me for five seconds?" "Open your goddamned ears." "I'm sorry." "We got a new class starting this Tuesday." "Registration is $5,000, cash only, in a plain manila envelope." "Be at the Learning Annex at 8:00 p.m." "Don't be early, but be on time." "(line clicks)" "# #" "# #" "Wait." "Wait." "Hold the elevator!" "Hold the elev..." "Thanks a lot." "You guys going to 402?" "Yeah." "Oh, no way!" "Me, too!" "Name's Walsh." "Nice to meet y..." "No talking." "Listen up, 'cause I will not be repeating this again." "When entering this building, you will talk or speak to no one." "If some asshole wants to talk about his goddamn French test, you tell him to fuck off, understood?" "Understood?" "Yeah." "Yes." "Envelopes." "Manila." "Dr. P specifically said manila." "This is off-white." "Sorry." "Sorry doesn't make it manila." "Next time, use your damn brain." "End of the hall." "(whispering):" "What's going on?" "I don't know." "Who is this guy?" "I hope he's not our teacher." "Hey, no chitchat!" "(chuckles):" "Oh." "Here, sorry." "No, don't be silly-- it's all yours." "I'm fine." "I could totally stand." "Don't be crazy, okay?" "I could use the exercise." "I'll find..." "Would one of you sit in the goddamn chair?" "Look at the two of you." "I mean, uh, "I could use the exercise"?" "That doesn't even make any sense." "(whispers):" "Sorry." "Well, congratulations." "In a room full of weak men, you stand alone as the weakest." "Here, sit in my chair." "Come on, sit." "Tell me something-- are you a loser?" "I asked you a question-- are... you... a..." "loser?" "Um... yes?" "No." "You see, a loser is someone who tries but fails, who shoots but misses." "But I got a suspicion that you don't take any shots." "Show of hands." "How many of you retards own a self-help book?" "Well, that's your first problem." "You can't help yourself because yourself sucks." "If you're helping yourself, that means you're being helped by a complete asshole." "So ignore yourself." "Do what I say instead." "Short sleeves, what was the first thing you did when you were born?" "I-I don't know." "Anybody?" "You screamed your asses off for what you wanted." "And what did you want?" "Okay." "The tit." "You wanted a tit, and you got the tit." "Trouble is, I don't see anyone in this room who's willing to scream for anything anymore." "I want the tit!" "Well, see?" "That's better." "That's what I'm talking about." "I like this guy." "Yeah, he seems kind of sweet." "Excuse me, um, s-sir?" "Dr. P." "Dr. P." "What exactly does this class teach?" "What?" "Well, my friend seemed to imply that this was more of a confidence-building..." "This is not a goddamn Tony Robbins seminar." "If you're looking for Chicken Soup for the Soul, just get the fuck out of here." "Um, I'm sorry." "Never be sorry." "Oh." "I'm sorry." "I mean..." "I mean, um..." "Never mind." "I have a question." "Uh, my wife says I'm a pushover, but what if deep down inside" "I'm really just a nice guy?" "Fuck nice." "That's a bunch of dog shit." "That's it for today." "I'm sick of looking at your faces." "Excuse me, um, will every class run five minutes and 25..." "Wait, please." "That..." "contains very important mat..." "MAN:" "Goodness." "# #" "# #" "Be a good boy." "All right, I'll be back in a little bit." "Great." "Bye." "(gasps, laughs):" "Geez, you scared me, Roger." "I'm sorry." "(relieved sigh)" "What are you doing, just hanging out in here?" "No, I'm..." "I was throwing some stuff out." "I heard someone coming and..." "Penguins, huh?" "Hmm." "I always saw you more as a flannel pj's kind of guy." "I have those, too." "I'm kidding." "(chuckles):" "I know." "(laughs)" "But I do have 'em." "Anyway, I, uh, have to go to work, so..." "Hey, Amanda?" "Yeah?" "Can I ask you something?" "Yeah, no worries." "What is it?" "Um..." "Oh, yeah." "Uh, I saw this awesome documentary on TV the other night." "It was all about Australia-- you would have loved it." "(laughs):" "No way." "Very cool country." "I wish I was from there." "(laughs)" "That's nice." "Um... (laughs):" "Yeah." "Was there something else?" "Uh... no." "I..." "Was there something else you had..." "No, you just..." "you said-said..." "Anyways, uh, I'll try and get you a tape of that documentary." "Um..." "Great." "Yeah." "I have to go, so thanks." "Uh... (quietly):" "Oh, yeah." "Come on, Roger." "I mean, you got to give it some time at least." "I'm telling you, this class is going to be the best thing you've ever done." "I just don't get it." "I mean, is he for real?" "Yeah, he's for real." "He's very real." "Hey, read the sign:" ""No eating in the pool."" "Jesus." "Look, I know it seems weird at first, okay?" "I get it, you know?" "But you just got to keep an open mind." "I tried, but I'm not even sure I understand what he's teaching, you know?" "Look, I'll make it real simple for you." "He's teaching you whatever it is you need to learn." "(sighs) I don't know." "Maybe this class just isn't for me." "Oh, Roger." "Look, honestly?" "I felt the same way when I started, but then, I took a good long, hard look in the mirror, and you know what?" "I didn't like what I saw." "What's he doing here?" "I came to talk to lan, Wally, not you." "(sighs)" "Don't make this weird, Roger." "It's over between us;" "I've moved on." "Well, I've also moved on." "(chuckling):" "I mean, no offense, but... my life's been, like, ten times better ever since you left." "At least." "(scoffs) Yeah, right." "Whatever." "Get over it, asshole." "I am over it!" "Loser." "I hate him." "Wow." "Roger, seriously." "If I were you..." "I'd stay in the class." "You need it." "(whistle blowing)" "MR. P:" "What does it take to be king of the jungle?" "Do you have to be the fastest?" "Or the strongest?" "No." "Because do you know what the lion's most powerful weapon is?" "It's his roar." "It's that roar that enables the lion to take what is rightfully his." "Diego, stop scratching your nuts." "Sorry." "It's time you guys got your shit together." "I want to see some goddamn lions!" "You see that?" "You think a lion asks for his dinner?" "He takes it!" "What does he do?" "Let me hear you say it." "STUDENTS:" "He takes it." "Louder!" "He takes it!" "Do you think a lion asks for a promotion?" "He takes it!" "Does a lion wait for approval?" "He takes it!" "Right now, none of you are worth shit, but starting tonight, we're going to shed our skin and become something entirely new." "Forget your past lives, gentlemen." "From this point on, you're all lions." "Your next class is to begin at any place, at any time, so be ready." "(students talking quietly)" "I'm not done." "This..." "(beeping) -is a beeper." "You will each be given one." "When your beeper goes off, you will initiate a confrontation immediately." "If you fail to follow these simple orders, you will be expelled, with no refund." "What?" "How will you even know if we follow the orders?" "Yeah." "What are we, under surveillance or something?" "Yeah." "(laughter)" "(laughing)" "(laughter continues)" "Yes." "Now, get the hell out of here." "The kid's like, 16, 17 years old, you know." "Tap on the window." "(mock crying):" ""Officer, Officer, please," ""please, if I get one more ticket, my dad's gonna kill me, all right?"" "I say to him," "(mock crying):" ""Kid, please, if I don't give you this ticket, I ain't gonna make my quota."" "(laughter)" "And he's... (beeping)" "He was mad." "(beeping continues)" "What is he, a pimp now?" "(laughter)" "Give me a dollar;" "I want a Danish." "(vending machine rattling)" "(beeping)" "You know what?" "I'll take that." "(chuckling):" "No, whoa, whoa, Roger." "What the hell are you doing?" "I always get the last Danish." "You know how it works." "Well, too bad." "I'm hungry." "(chuckles)" "Roger..." "I will kill you." "Give me back my cherry Danish." "Hey, is that the new Star magazine?" "Thanks." "It's supposed to be a great issue." "(men chuckling)" "(mocking laughter)" "What, did you forget to take your medication this morning?" "No, Zack." "(men chuckling)" "You know what?" "I have a little something called pride." "Remember that." "MAN:" "Ooh..." "Who gets the last cherry Danish?" "!" "Zack does!" "Zack what?" "!" "Zack gets the last cherry Danish!" "(laughing):" "Yeah, that's right!" "(laughter)" "Yo, that's what I'm talking about!" "(beeping)" "# You got a reaction, didn't you?" "#" "# You took a white orchid... #" "Evening, Mr. Schultz." "Time for dinner, all right?" "(beeping)" "# Something better than nothing is giving up #" "# We all need to do something #" "# Try to keep the truth from showing up #" "# How dare you #" "Give me that." "(screams)" "# How old are you now, anyway?" "#" "Hey, keep it down, huh?" "I'm trying to read the paper." "(both laughing)" "What'd you just say, homey?" "How would you like to die, man?" "No, uh... how would you like to die?" "What?" "!" "Hey, come on, man." "What the hell is he doing?" "WOMAN:" "Honey... honey, I... (woman screams)" "# You took a white orchid... #" "Hey!" "(tires screeching)" "(birds chirping)" "This is not cool." "Why would he bring us all the way out here?" "All I know is, last night," "I tried getting tough with my roommate." "He kicked me out." "I had to sleep in a Kinko's." "Yeah, well, I stood up to a guy at my work, and he gave me a swirly." "Hey, no way." "I got a swirly, too." "Hey, I'm-I'm sorry." "What exactly is a swirly?" "It's when someone dunks your head in the toilet and then flushes it on your face." "Totally rocks your world, but not in the good way." "Oh." "I received one of those as well." "DR. P: "I'd like to move out of my mother's basement and up into the main house."" "Wow, you're shooting for the stars, aren't you, Walsh?" ""My goal is to make another $3,000 a year."" "Well, let me tell you something, Ernie." "This class is five grand-- you're already behind." ""I want my wife to stop abusing me."" "Jesus Christ, Diego, you got to be shitting me." "I thought those questionnaires are supposed to be confidential." "News flash:" "I lie." "Now, in those bags are 15 semiautomatic high-powered paintball guns." "Pass them out." "You will trust no one." "It is time to kill or be killed." "Um, what are the teams?" "There are no teams-- it's every man for himself." "No helmets?" "No helmets, no goggles, no nothing." "And if that's not enough, somewhere out there in those woods," "Lesher's there, just waiting." "It says here to maintain a minimum distance of 100 feet between shooter and target, though." "Oh!" "My God!" "DR. P:" "Now, does anybody else want to read their gun?" "Huh?" "Uh, when do we start?" "Now." "(screams)" "(screams)" "(groans)" "(gunshots, men groaning)" "(groans)" "He already shot me!" "(groans)" "Are you guys a bunch of retards?" "Spread out!" "(men shouting)" "(groans)" "(shouting, gunshots)" "(gunshots)" "(suspenseful, rhythmic theme playing)" "(cooing)" "(cooing)" "(leaves rustling)" "(birds chirping)" "(chuckles)" "(screams)" "(high-pitched screaming)" "# #" "# #" "(screams)" "My eye!" "(groaning loudly)" "Walsh!" "I'm sorry!" "My eye!" "I'm so sorry!" "It's okay!" "I'm here!" "Oh, I'm so sorry." "Are you okay?" "Gotcha." "Never trust anyone." "I thought we were friends." "You know what Dr. P says:" ""Friends are just obstacles that stand between you and success."" "Touché." "DIEGO:" "Not so fast, gentlemen." "Looks like we got ourselves a situation." "What are we gonna do?" "Every man for himself." "You know the rules." "LESHER:" "Well, well, well." "What do we have here?" "(chuckles)" "Looks like you three are in a pickle, doesn't it?" "Throw your weapons down." "Now!" "Eyes off me!" "LESHER:" "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe..." "What you looking at, man?" "Don't look at me." "(whispers):" "Dude, this is not cool." "No talking." "Haven't you done enough to us already?" "!" "LESHER:" "Oh, I don't know, ladies." "You know what?" "It's gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets any better-- understand that." "What more are you planning to do to us?" "Who knows?" "I just tend to go with the flow." "Let's just see where things take us." "(chuckling)" "I tend to get very, very creative in these type of situations." "Hey, Lesher." "I shot Lesher!" "Whoo!" "# I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing #" "# Till they got a hold of me #" "# I opened doors for little, old ladies #" "# I helped the blind to see #" "# No more Mr. Nice Guy... #" "Roger!" "Whoo!" "Hey, Roger." "Roger!" "Dr. P wants to talk to you." "Alone." "You wanted to see me?" "Congratulations." "You did well today." "I'm impressed." "Oh." "Thank you." "Who knows?" "Maybe one day, I'll teach the class." "What was your name again?" "Roger." "Right." "Roger." "So tell me, Roger, why did you sign up for this class?" "Well... it's kind of complicated." "What's her name?" "(chuckles softly)" "Um..." "Amanda." "She lives in my building." "What does she do?" "Well, she's Australian..." "She works as an Australian?" "No, uh..." "(chuckles)" "Sorry, I'm kind of nervous." "That's okay." "Relax." "It's all right." "Um, she's a grad student, and... she volunteers at an animal shelter." "Jesus, that's an easy takedown." "You don't even need me." "It's a slam dunk." "Well, nothing's ever a slam dunk for me." "Listen to me, Roger." "You did good today." "You became the hunter, and you set your sights on Lesher." "Now you have to set your sights on her." "Roger, there are two types of men in this world:" "those who run shit, like me, and those who eat shit, like you." "ROGER:" "I don't think I could sleep tonight." "I'm too pumped." "I'll sleep, but not until well after midnight." "You know, I think maybe we're all turning a corner here." "I know you are;" "you're his golden boy." "Yeah." "What were you guys talking about for so long?" "Just stuff." "Dr. P is a pretty cool guy." "For the first time in my life," "I actually feel like I have a shot." "Things are going to change." "I can feel it." "I know what I'm going to do." "I'm going to leave that bitch." "I'm going to walk out the door and start over." "I don't care if she is my mother, there's a million other basements in this city that I can live in." "I'm a good man, and I deserve respect." "If they won't give it to me... then I'm going to take it." "I'm ready to live the life that I deserve." "The life we deserve." "ALL:" "To the life we deserve!" "Whoo!" "I'm gonna need another beer." "(sighs)" "All right." "Time to start running things." "(exhales)" "Got to take what's yours." "Life is my bitch." "I'm gonna be a lion." "A lion with balls-- lots of balls." "What are you doing?" "Uh, nothing." "I was just about to knock." "I heard you say "balls," like, ten times." "(panting):" "Um, can I please speak with Amanda?" "Why are you breathing so hard?" "Ugh!" "It's gross." "Could you please just get her?" "(groans)" "Amanda," "Roger's here, and apparently, that's more important than an international call to your parents." "AMANDA:" "Yeah, all right." "All right, we'll talk later." "Love you." "Bye." "Hi." "(panting):" "Hi." "Um, so..." "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "I'm... fine." "I'm... (echoing):" "So I was just wondering, um... if you... have... (echoing):" "What's wrong?" "(heavy panting)" "Roger!" "(Roger exhales)" "Sure you're okay?" "ROGER:" "Yeah." "I'm fine." "I just pass out sometimes." "Happens, you know?" "(laughs):" "Nice picture." "That's perfect." "Is that my wallet?" "What kind of license is this?" "l-lt's a C-1." "It's mandatory for operating a parking rover." "C-Can I please have it back?" "That is sad." "Becky, please." "Can I get you some water or something?" "No." "You know what?" "I really should get going." "You guys have done so much for me, and..." "I..." "I don't want to be a bother anymore, you know?" "Yeah, but are you still dizzy?" "I-I don't want you to take another fall." "(chuckles):" "No." "I'm so used to it." "It happens so often." "Um..." "Um, but... there's this thing I wanted to ask you." "Um... do you want to go have dinner Friday night with me?" "Well, that depends-- if we go out, are you gonna face the door the whole night, or...?" "(chuckles softly)" "No." "I can face you." "Then, yeah, Friday it is." "Really?" "Are you sure?" "Want to talk me out of it?" "No... (both chuckle)" "You're right, I-I should get going." "Thank... thank you so much." "(chuckling):" "Yeah, okay." "Um... thank you." "All right." "Th-Thank you so much." "Bye." "This, um... wine is really good." "(deep voice):" "Mine is very tasty, too." "Good." "So where did you say you were from again?" "(wolf whistling)" "(men laughing)" "Keep whistling, I'm gonna bite those lips right off your goddamn face." "Sorry." "Cindy, stay in the moment, honey, okay?" "(higher voice):" "I'm sorry, what was that?" "I really like your hair." "It's... (imitates buzzer) Wrong answer." "(laughter)" "Excellent." "Okay, now who can tell me what Eli did wrong?" "Walsh." "He complimented her." "Correct." "He complimented her." "Which is one of our rules:" "no compliments ever." "Okay, let's review." "MEN:" ""Always get the girl alone."" "We work one-on- one, people." "You separate the prey from the herd." "Next." "MEN:" ""Lie, lie, lie some more."" "Yes, until you have something real to offer, you lie." "You lie about everything." "Yes." "What if you're looking for, like, you know, a real girlfriend?" "Can we please just get everyone laid first?" "I swear, if one of you gets an handjob out of this, I'm a miracle worker." "Okay, Cindy's ready for another date." "Who's up?" "LESHER:" "Come on, faggots!" "Who's next?" "AMANDA:" "Yeah, you know how it is." "AMANDA:" "Yeah, you know how it is." "I think I can do some good, maybe volunteer for five hours a week." "And then, all of a sudden, it's a full-time job, making exactly zero dollars a year." "(chuckles)" "Ah, I'm sorry." "I'm babbling." "Shut up." "(chuckles)" "No, no, it's okay." "It's so funny-- I-I parallel those values." "Sorry?" "Oh, I mean, that's something we have in common." "You complain a lot?" "(laughs)" "No, I mean... the, um, volunteering." "I volunteer at the Big Brothers program." "Ah, no way." "Yeah, in fact, I'm kind of the top brother at the place." "All the kids look up to me-- it's pretty cute." "That's great, Roger." "My brother could have used someone like you growing up." "Really?" "Yeah, uh, it's just... my father walked out on us when we were little, and, you know, it was especially hard on him." "Right, right, right, right." "Yeah, I can relate to that in a big way." "You can?" "Yeah." "Um... 'cause, you know, my..." "my father walked out on us, too." "Wow." "Hey, you okay?" "Huh?" "Oh, um... yeah." "I'm fine." "Yech." "Yuck... (laughs)" "What?" "Can't look." "That." "It's the worst." "Who wants to see your dinner... alive ten minutes before you're gonna eat it?" "It's gross." "Huh." "You know what they say?" "That when you boil lobsters, you can actually hear them scream." "How sad is that?" "(rock intro plays)" "# Set me free, little girl #" "# All you got to do is set me free, little girl #" "# You know you can do it if you try #" "# All you got to do is set me free #" "# Free, free #" "What's up?" "# Set me free, little girl #" "# All you got to do is set me free, little girl #" "# You know you can do it if you try #" "# All you got to do is #" "# Set me free, free #" "# Free, free #" "We got to go." "Why?" "What happened?" "Nothing." "Get your coat." "# Set me free #" "Taxi!" "(tires screeching)" "# Oh, set me free, little girl... #" "Ah, the East River." "Every lobster's dream." "Go north, little man." "It's only 400 miles to Maine." "(laughing)" "What?" "Just you." "Careful." "You're supposed to be my shy neighbor." "Since when do you do things like this?" "Since always." "You just never really knew me." "Yeah, I guess I didn't." "(chuckles)" "Wow." "My head's spinning." "You're not gonna pass out on me again, are you?" "(chuckles)" "No." "Seriously." "Everything's spinning." "I might be allergic to some of those weeds." "I feel a little dizzy." "Uh, maybe you're just a little drunk." "No." "(chuckling)" "That couldn't be it." "Oh, my God." "Have you ever been drunk before?" "(scoffs)" "Please." "Are you kidding me?" "Try, like, every weekend, ever since I was 11." "(groans)" "Whoa, whoa!" "(laughs)" "(whispers):" "Okay." "Keys." "Can I have..." "Hey, hey." "Can I have the keys, please?" "Come on, come on." "Nice." "Thank you." "Ow!" "Ow, ow!" "(groaning)" "Okay, okay." "(giggling)" "Yes, bed!" "(both sigh)" "(giggling)" "We made it." "Yes!" "Thank you so much for coming." "Can I get you anything?" "(chuckling):" "No, I'm okay, I'm okay." "You sleep." "(exhales)" "Oh, man." "Hey." "Hey." "Look into my eyes." "We're not spinning, okay?" "(whispering):" "We're very, very still." "Yeah." "(chuckles softly)" "I have a question." "Do you think I'm a lion?" "What?" "Do you think I'm a lion?" "You know... (imitates roar)" "(chuckles) Um... do you want to be a lion?" "Yes." "Very much." "Then, yes, you are a lion." "Now go to sleep." "I had a nice time tonight." "Hey, Amanda." "(chuckles)" "I totally love you." "Okay, that's nice." "Good night." "(hip-hop music playing)" "(hip-hop music playing)" "# Yo, yo, the dog is here #" "# Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?" "#" "# Have that (growls) in the cut #" "# Where the wood at?" "#" "# All them (barks) acting up, where the wolves at?" "#" "# You better bust that if you gonna pull that #" "# Where the hood #" "# Where the hood, where the hood at?" "#" "# Have that (growls) in the cut #" "# Where the wood at?" "#" "# Oh, them (barks) acting up, where the wolves at?" "#" "# You better bust that if you gonna pull that #" "# Yo, yo, yo, yo-yo, yo-yo #" "# Yo-yo, yo, yo-yo #" "# Don't know what it's gonna be #" "# Messing with a dog like me, D to the M #" "# To the X, last I heard #" "Hell you doing here, boy?" "(explosive pop, air hissing)" "Oh, hell, no!" "(men clamoring)" "Those are my sneakers." "What?" "My standard-issue New Balances." "You're wearing them, and I want them back." "Whoa, whoa." "Look, I got this." "Nah, nah, I'm getting him." "I got this." "I got this." "You got to shoot him, right?" "You're right." "My bad." "How about instead of your shoes," "I give you a standard- issue beat-down in front of all these nice people, huh?" "(chuckles)" "The boy done slipped and fell into a pile of ass-whupping, y'all." "You're not understanding me." "Nobody steals my sneakers." "(laughter)" "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hold on a minute." "Did you say he stole your shoes?" "Yes, ma'am." "You told me you won those shoes at a raffle." "I-I did." "It was a different kind of raffle." "Wasn't nobody else there but me." "You're lying." "Give him back his damn shoes before I beat the black off you." "(laughter)" "Mama, not in front of all my people..." "Shut up." "(laughter)" "Don't make me start praying, boy." "What the hell you want to wear meter maid shoes for anyhow?" "Don't you have any self-respect?" "Lawrence was there, too." "He shot..." "Get your behinds home now." "Ms. Washington..." "Now!" "MAN:" "Yo, that's embarrassing." "MAN 2:" "Punked out." "Yo, B." "(suspenseful, rhythmic melody playing)" "Excuse me, do you work here?" "Sorry?" "I told you-- the man's a genius." "He is." "What a sweet guy, too." "I know, right?" "So let me ask you:" "who's the guy this semester?" "What do you mean?" "You know, who's the guy who's doing really well?" "Who's the standout?" "Well, not to brag, but... it's probably me;" "you know, I... had a lot of luck in the classes, and, uh, done pretty well in the field." "Are you kidding?" "No." "Why?" "What's wrong?" "Look, man, Dr. P is cool, but... he's also extremely competitive." "I mean, he doesn't like showboats." "Relax." "He's totally taken me under his wing." "Oh, dude, you don't..." "All right, there was this guy in my class;" "his name was Lonnie Ratcliff." "All right?" "He was, he was a quick learner, he was made for this stuff." "But he got too good, too fast." "Dr. P saw this and just destroyed him." "I mean, crushed his whole world." "Poor guy ended up having to move to Peekskill or some shit." "Why would he do that?" "I don't know." "Love of the game." "Keeps him sharp." "Just be careful, all right?" "Tone it down a bit." "Try to stay in the background." "I mean, that's what I do." "And look at me, dude." "(chuckles softly)" "I'm awesome." "God, it's so good to talk to someone about books." "God, it's so good to talk to someone about books." "I feel like all my friends want to do is talk about bad TV." "(both laughing)" "I know exactly what you mean." "Well, this has been great, Dennis." "Oh, do I call you "Doctor"?" "Oh, no, please." "I-I hear "Doctor" all day long in surgery, so "Dennis" is fine." "What?" "(laughs)" "I don't know." "It's just, the way you squint when you're nervous, it just reminds me of Sarah, that's all." "Who's Sarah?" "Well, Sarah's my wife." "Um, she passed away three years ago." "(sighs)" "God, I'm..." "I'm so sorry." "That's awful." "Oh, no, sorry is something she never wanted to feel." "And she would hate it if she thought" "I was feeling sorry for myself." "It's just so hard." "How do you deal with it?" "What do you do?" "Throw myself into my work." "Every time I start feeling lonely or... bad for myself, you know," "I-I look into the eyes of those little sick children and it... everything else goes away." "It's, um... pretty sobering." "(Fiona Apple's "Sleep to Dream" playing faintly inside)" "What?" "Uh, hey, Becky." "Is Amanda here?" "I brought her something." "What is it?" "I got her some tickets to a play." "What play?" ""Movin' Out," the Billy Joel musical." ""Moving Out" is not a play." "(snickering)" "Fine." "What would you call it?" "I don't know." "A gay?" "Whatever." "Look, when is she coming back?" "(sputters)" "It's hard to say." "She's out with this guy she just met." "Well, do you know where they are?" "Why would I tell you where they are?" "So you can go find her and murder her and shoot him and then eat them and stab yourself, Dahmer?" "I just want to talk to her." "Fine." "Give me the flowers." "Nicely!" "(sighs)" "Hi, Becky." "I got you some flowers." "Oh!" "And the tickets." "Uh, hey, Dr. P, it's Roger." "Sorry to be calling you off hours, but I kind of have a situation." "I think Amanda's seeing someone else, and I'm just looking for some last minute advice." "I mean, should I jump in and confront the guy, showing off my animal side, or, I don't know, maybe should I manipulate the situ..." "(quiet, gentle acoustic melody playing)" "(both laughing)" "# #" "What the hell's going on?" "What are you doing in here?" "I saw you with Amanda, and I want to know what's going on." "It's called competition." "It'll do wonders for you." "I have plenty of competition in my life, okay?" "It's hard enough." "Every once in a while, a shepherd has to pluck a sheep from the herd and challenge him." "It let's the man know he's worthy of leading." "Well, you know what?" "I don't want to be a shepherd anymore." "You're not the shepherd, dumb ass." "I'm the shepherd." "It's called an analogy, moron." "Look, you don't understand." "Everything was going so well between us." "Oh, clearly." "I'm sure you're just days away from adopting a Chinese kid together." "It's not that difficult." "Use what you've learned and defeat me." "If you can't do that, you know, you don't deserve her anyway." "I paid you for this class." "And you're getting your money's worth." "Game on, Roger." "As far as Amanda knows, my name is Dennis and I'm a successful surgeon." "You are a successful meter maid." "So may the best man win." "(grunting)" "(grunting)" "AMANDA:" "This is really an amazing club." "Thanks for bringing us here." "Well, just take it easy on me." "These aren't the knees of a spring chicken, you know?" "Please, that sounds like a setup, mister." "Well, at least leave the hands alone, because I'm in surgery all day tomorrow, okay?" "Deal." "What are those?" "Oh, those are, uh, frozen lemon towelettes." "They tend to overdo it here." "AMANDA:" "Just a little." "Could you pass me one of those lemon towelettes?" "Roger, hey." "What are you doing here?" "Well, you know, I thought I'd drop by, hit a few balls." "Is this your dad?" "What?" "No." "(chuckles)" "No, this is Dennis." "Dennis, um, is a friend of mine." "This is Roger." "He lives in my building." "Hey, Roger." "Nice to meet you." "Hello, sir." "Dahmer plays tennis?" "I got to see Dahmer play tennis." "Oh, you know, I've been known to mess around a bit." "I have an idea-- why don't we play doubles?" "Yeah." "Absolutely." "Play girls against guys." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Come on, it's be fun." "Now, I don't want to be an intrusion." "AMANDA:" "No, no." "Come on, join us." "Oh... okay, great" "Nice one." "I loved the dad comment." "There's more where that came from..." "Dennis." "(shoes squeaking)" "All right, let's go, Billie Jean." "Let's see what you've got." "First fault." "Sorry." "That sucked." "All right, hey." "It sucks." "Be careful, Dennis." "(grunts)" "Ooh, sorry." "Double fault." "You all right, Dennis?" "Oh, yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine." "DENNIS:" "Love-15." "Watch your ass, Roger." "Ooh, nervous." "Yeah." "(grunting)" "Oh, my God." "Dennis." "Oh, man." "I am so sorry." "I thought I had it." "You want to take a break?" "That's cool." "It happens." "Roger, can I talk to you for a second?" "Yeah." "Everything all right?" "Yeah, of course." "That was a mistake." "Sorry about that." "You know, Dennis and I are just friends." "Yeah, I understand." "That's cool." "Okay." "So this isn't a jealousy thing?" "Amanda, I'm fine." "You can be friends with whoever you want." "Okay, just checking." "But he is kind of old." "He's a widower; be nice." "AMANDA:" "Sure you're okay, Dennis?" "Oh, yeah, I'm fine; fine." "You know, actually, I think I'm gonna stand back here." "Sorry about that." "Brand-new racket." "Still getting used to it." "It's all right." "No problem, Roger." "(amplified thudding)" "(suspenseful theme plays)" "Ow!" "Roger!" "Do you have a problem with me?" "Yeah, a big problem." "Hey..." "(grunting)" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "You guys!" "Stop it!" "Break it up!" "(grunting)" "Roger, get off him." "Get off him!" "Listen." "I know what's going on, and I think it's awful, okay?" "I am sorry, Dennis." "You don't deserve to be treated this way." "It's okay, sweetie, it's not your fault." "You owe him an apology." "Ow!" "Dennis!" "Oh, my...!" "Becky, get some help." "Totally unnecessary." "Deep breath." "Did you really tackle him?" "Did you really tackle him?" "He challenged me." "He threw down his racket." "Is he okay?" "What?" "!" "Dr. P-- did you hurt him?" "No, he's fine." "It makes no sense." "I mean, Dr. P could have any woman in the world, why would he go after your girl?" "Because he's sick." "He thinks this whole thing is a game." "I don't know." "You know, ever since I started taking this class, things have been going pretty well." "It's like Dr. P says" "I want the tit." "It's true, we all do." "I've got two chicks back at my place who think I'm Moby." "Not to mention, Dr. P is one of the smartest people in the world." "I mean, if he wants to go out with Amanda, maybe it's for the best." "What are you talking about?" "You don't really have a lot of choices, do you, Rog?" "I'm just gonna tell her." "What are you going to tell her?" "Everything-- I'm gonna tell her who he is, tell her about the class..." "The class is top secret, Roger." "You know that." "Besides, Lesher might rape you." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hey, wait." "Wait, what are you talking about, Eli?" "Why would you even say something like that, Eli?" "It's just an idea of something bad that might happen." "ROGER:" "Look, you guys don't get it." "I don't want him near her." "This isn't even about me anymore." "What was that about, huh?" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Why would you even bring that up?" "I'm sorry." "Use your brain." "I s-slipped up." "Not cool, dude." "Okay." "As far as I'm concerned, this meeting never happened." "Got it?" "Yeah." "Great." "Okay." "BECKY:" "I knew he was a psycho from day one." "You know, because I get a sense from people, and he had an energy that was just, it was so... like, loser-ish." "OFFICER:" "Yeah." "Is there any other sense you got?" "Wow, this guy is a piece of work, huh?" "Yeah, I found this on my nightstand." "This is creepy." "I've got to tell you, there's no doubt in my mind you will be murdered." "Are you serious?" "Yeah." "Oh, my God." "Hey, partner." "Check it out." "Excuse me." "Here you go-- one chamomile tea." "Thanks, Dennis." "Don't worry-- everything's going to be okay." "I'm here." "I know." "OFFICER:" "I just have a few more questions." "Is anything missing?" "Yeah." "Kind of embarrassing, but... all of my underwear is gone." "Oh." "Well, first of all, don't be embarrassed." "It happens." "Uh, secondly, um..." "(clears throat) can you, uh, describe them for me?" "Um... you know, were they thongs," "Dutch cuts, full backs...?" "Is that really necessary?" "I could describe mine." "Um, oh, wait, I don't wear any." "What's going on?" "Just keep your hands where I can see them, sir." "Wait, what happened?" "What are you guys doing here?" "They're policemen." "What do you think" "they're doing here?" "What?" "Come on, Roger, we know you broke in." "Look at this." "Wait, hold on." "I know these guys." "They're not cops." "All right, buddy, come on." "Ow!" "What are you doing?" "Ernie?" "ERNIE:" "Just try to stay calm, sir." "Look, I did not do this." "I would never do this." "You know that." "I was weak, all right?" "I wasn't happy with who I was, so I took a class... from him." "(both chuckle)" "From Dennis?" "!" "His name's not Dennis, it's Dr. P." "Textbook paranoid behavior." "I've seen it a million times." "ROGER:" "You guys, come on, tell her." "AMANDA:" "Dewey, it's okay, baby." "Go back to your room, honey." "Oh, he's probably scared." "(whimpering)" "AMANDA:" "Dewey?" "Oh, my God." "Sweetheart, what did they do to you?" "Okay, who the hell painted the goddamn dog?" "Pretty awesome, right?" "No, not awesome." "Jesus fucking Christ." "AMANDA:" "Do you have any idea" "what this dog's been through?" "Amanda, I didn't do that!" "Let's go, buddy." "No, I'm not going!" "AMANDA:" "Oh, my God." "All right, calm down." "Easy." "Nice and easy, sir." "Come on down." "I got you." "Stay back." "Deep breaths." "Deep breaths." "Okay, I got him!" "I got him!" "(Amanda screams)" "(all shouting)" "AMANDA:" "Oh!" "(dog whimpers)" "(elevator bell dings)" "(elevator bell dings)" "Hey, Roger, uh, what do you think of the uniforms?" "Pretty authentic, huh?" "(chuckling)" "I thought you guys were my friends." "Whatever, man." "(chuckles)" "I guess we all can't be lions." "Yeah, at this point, uh," "I'd say you're more like a... like an emu." "(laughter)" "Good one, Ernie-- emu." "Hey, uh, hey, emu, check it out." "(laughter)" "(grunting)" "Ow!" "This stuff is awesome." "(coughing)" "(coughing)" "(gasping)" "Ah!" "(coughing)" "God!" "Ow!" "ERNIE:" "Goddamn it!" "(men screaming)" "(elevator bell dings)" "(coughing)" "(gasping)" "(shrieking)" "(coughing)" "Ow!" "DR. P:" "Today's lesson is dressing the part." "Right now, you look like a bunch of idiots, but we're going to fix that." "This is called hair gel." "Learn how to use it." "Another thing-- from now on, we wear sunglasses." "Whether it's day or night, inside or out, no one ever sees your eyes." "A little mystery never hurt anybody." "Yes, Eli?" "Um, how, uh, come you don't wear sunglasses?" "Because I'm not you." "(door opening)" "Excuse me, sir." "We have a little bit of a situation outside." "DR." "P:" "Hey!" "(horns honking)" "What are you doing?" "!" "(horns honking)" "ROGER:" "Good evening, gentlemen." "You got to be shitting me." "My name's Roger Waddell." "And I'm exercising my authority per statue 8-12..." "Why don't you shut the hell up and unhook my goddamn car!" "I can't." "You see, my chalk stick confirmed a three-inch intrusion into the traffic lane." "And then there's the matter of four unpaid priors." "You are so dead." "Which brings us to the broken headlight." "(clanks)" "(clanking)" "Scuffed headlight." "So... unpaid tickets, towing and storage." "And that comes to a grand total of" "$1,663.00." "You have ten days to pay it." "I'm everywhere now." "I'm like the wind." "(whooshing)" "Ow!" "(distant siren wailing)" "(whooshing)" ""Dear Sergeant Morehead," ""I have tried to hold back my feelings," ""but I can't go on like this." ""I am in love with you." ""And it's clear you feel the same way." ""We need to figure out a way to be together." ""Without you, I'm like an empty vase waiting for my Spanish rose."" "Sergeant, I swear..." "Roger, this happens to be one of the most beautiful letters" "I have ever read." "But I'm not that way." "I didn't write the letter." "Please." "You signed it, it has your return address on it, and you sealed it with a unicorn." "Sergeant, can't you see?" "I'm being set up." "That would be quite an elaborate setup, don't you think?" "No, not really." "All you need is a stamp and a unicorn sticker." "Look, Roger, I'm flattered, really I am." "But the department has some pretty strict rules on sexual harassment." "I'm going to have to let you go." "You're not listening!" "I didn't write the letter!" "I'm sorry." "After you empty your locker, you can turn your uniform and your sneakers in to Manny." "You know what?" "You can have the uniform." "But I'm keeping the sneakers." "(humming taps)" "(continues humming)" "Yeah!" "That's what I thought, man!" "That's what I thought." "(panting)" "What?" "Go back to work!" "Right, Monty?" "Right." "Right, Monty?" "Whatever." "(people chatting quietly)" "Thanks for meeting me." "I come here a lot." "It's quiet-- helps me think." "I lost my job yesterday." "Yeah, sorry about that." "It was a shit job anyway." "But, hey, I got good news." "I'm offering you a truce." "Seriously, Roger." "I mean, enough is enough." "Fine." "Just..." "leave Amanda alone, and you'll never see me again." "Well, here's the thing:" "it's not that easy." "Normally, I'm not the type of guy who falls in love with a chick." "It's not what I do." "But with Amanda, something just clicked." "You barely even know her!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey, take it down." "Act like a man, will you?" "Sorry, buddy, but, uh," "I got to see where this thing takes me." "Here." "What is this?" "It's a refund." "It's half your tuition." "Why half?" "Well, you did learn something." "Hell, you even kissed my girl." "I don't want your money." "Just trying to be a gentleman, all right?" "You don't want me to take the gloves off, Roger." "I got to go." "(quiet, slow, martial theme playing)" "(train whistle blowing)" "# #" "(knocking on door)" "MAN:" "Yeah, what is it?" "ROGER:" "Uh, yes," "I'm looking for Lonnie Ratcliff." "Is he here?" "Who the hell are you?" "Hi." "My name is Roger Waddell." "I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute." "And what would that be pertaining to?" "Um, Dr. P." "Go ahead, shoot me." "Come on, do me." "Do me." "Right now." "No." "I'm not here to hurt you." "Lie, lie and lie some more." "You don't understand." "I'm here because I need your help." "I want to know what Dr. P did to you." "Why?" "Because I think he's doing the same thing to me." "(cat meows)" "You allergic to cats?" "I used to be a pilot in the Air Force." "They called me the Hawk." "Yeah, I was hell on earth, but you'd never know it." "Hey, you want a biscotti?" "Uh, no thanks." "I don't blame you." "They're addictive." "So, uh, you served in Grenada?" "Yeah." "There's a war that the media ignored, huh?" "I guess it wasn't sexy enough for them or whatever." "Hey, come on, Jerry, off of there." "Off of there, come on." "Anyway, when I got back, there was nothing-- no parades, no celebrations." "I had nothing." "Nothing except Gina." "Was that your girlfriend?" "No, she didn't even know I existed." "But I used to watch her... a lot." "Dr. P was going to teach me how to get her." "Well, did it work?" "Actually, it went pretty well at first." "We started dating, even talked about getting a place together, down at the shore." "She's real pretty." "Eh." "My little squirrel-- that's what I used to call her." "'Cause of the way her tooth come down over her lip like that." "Dr. P thought she was cute, too." "Guys like Dr. P, they can have anyone they want." "And?" "And?" "What do you mean "And"?" "Look around" " I live in a shit hole with 50 cats." "I'm sorry, I..." "Jesus Christ." "I guess I meant, you know, how did he do it?" "Who knows?" "He suckered her in with some bull crap story about his wife dying." "And he told her he was some fancy-pants doctor." "Took her down to a medical conference in Miami-- a medical conference which did not exist, by the way-- and she went for it, hook, line and sinker." "Poor Gina." "Worst part about it is, three months later, he dumps her." "She was devastated." "What's this?" "This is just some information I've been collecting about him over the past nine years." "You know, where he eats, where he sleeps, phone records, et al." "Keep it-- maybe it'll help you." "Actually, I have a better idea." "Why don't you come back to the city with me?" "I can really use your help." "(scoffing):" "Oh, no; no can do." "Come on, we can take this guy" " Lesher, too." "Lesher?" "Yeah." "He raped you, didn't he?" "Huh?" "!" "Lesher raped you, right?" "No." "No, I just think he's a jerk." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, me, too." "I think he's a jerk, too." "I don't know what his... problem is." "What?" "No." "Nothing." "(driving rock intro plays)" "# I'm gonna get free, I'm gonna get free #" "# I'm gonna get free #" "# Ride into the sun #" "# She never loved me #" "# She never loved me, she never loved me #" "# Why should anyone?" "#" "# Come here, come here, come here #" "# I'll take your photo for you #" "# Come here, come here, come here #" "# Drive you around the corner #" "# Come here, come here, come here #" "# Move out to California!" "#" "This is unbelievable." "Okay, big deal." "So Dr. P uses a lot of different identities." "And so he's done some bad things." "So what?" "We've all done stuff we're not proud of." "Look..." "I had this guy I know over at the parking bureau run his information." "Turns out, Dennis Sherman" " Dr. P-- bought two first-class tickets to Miami." "So?" "So..." "I think he's taking Amanda." "So?" "So..." "I have to find out when they're leaving and stop them." "But I can't do it alone." "Look, Dr. P is our teacher, and we love him." "Plus, he's helped us out, a lot." "Helped you?" "You guys, look at yourselves." "Do you think you look cool?" "Yeah." "I'd say we look pretty cool." "Okay, fine." "I admit it, you look cool." "But do you actually think that after taking a few classes, you suddenly are cool?" "Whatever, Roger." "We got to go." "Eli-- (whistles)" "Let's go." "Yo." "This isn't right." "Come on, Eli." "Do you really want to risk everything?" "Roger's been there for us." "He took down Lesher and gave us back our dignity, remember?" "Look, we just can't walk out of here." "I mean, what if I'm next?" "Would you guys just, uh, leave me hanging out there to get picked off?" "Would you want me to leave you?" "Is that really the life we deserve?" "We've got one condition." "We're not dealing with Lesher." "Let me worry about Lesher." "(birds chirping)" "MAN:" "Weird, huh?" "Living all the way out here in the suburbs." "What do you mean?" "I don't know." "I'd have pegged Dr. P for living in Manhattan." "I mean, a rich, powerful bachelor could do a lot of damage in the city" "I'm living proof." "(dog barking in distance)" "All right." "(door closes)" "Heads up." "ROGER:" "What's he doing?" "Going to his car." "Stay down." "(door opening)" "Honey..." "Oh!" "What do we" "have here?" "(shutter clicks)" "What is it?" "Oh, you're going to love this, Roger." "(shutter clicks)" "I'm sorry, Agent Stryker, and, um, um..." "This is Agent..." "Gaylord." "Right." "Agents Stryker and Gaylord." "We really cannot release that kind of information." "Lois, for the last time, this is a matter of national security." "You do care about national security, don't you, Lois?" "LOIS:" "Of course." "Yes." "But if you could just imagine, if I..." "She's not listening." "Print out the passenger list, please." "I'm not allowed to." "Let me ask you something, Lois." "Do you ever watch the show 24?" "Yes." "Well, think of this as a real-life version of 24, only our version would be called-- what, I don't know" " One." "Don't look around, Lois;" "look at me and print out that list." "It's time to be part of something bigger." "I want to." "But..." "No, shh, shh, shh..." "No, no." "No buts." "Just print." "(printer whirring)" "(cell phone ringing)" "Eli, what do you got?" "ELl:" "Your suspicion was absolutely correct." "Talk to me." "Passenger list confirms two first-class tickets to Miami-- one for Dennis Sherman, the other for Amanda." "Flight leaves tomorrow morning." "Good work." "It's on." "(elevator bell dings)" "We're just going to a medical conference." "It's so not a big deal." "Besides, he's gonna be working most of the time." "It just seems like a big step." "It's not even a step." "It's just, I don't know," "I want to get away from all this craziness for a while." "(intercom buzzing)" "All right." "Hello." "LESHER:" "Your ride is here." "All right, I'll be down in two minutes." "Take your time." "(chuckling)" "Ah, you look good." "Hello, Lesher." "Remember me?" "Oh, damn." "(muffled screams)" "It's okay." "Easy!" "Easy, big guy!" "(muffled screams)" "Shh... (whimpers)" "Shh... (whimpers)" "AMANDA:" "All right, I will." "Bye." "(tires screeching)" "(tires screeching)" "Hi, Rose." "Hi." "Good morning, ma'am." "JFK, right?" "Yes, yes." "Amanda Richards?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right." "ELl:" "Check, check, check, one-two." "All systems are go." "How are we looking, people?" "This is the Walrus." "The cigar shop is open for business." "ELl:" "Copy that, Walrus." "Falcon." "Come in, Falcon." "What's your status?" "Over." "This is the Falcon." "I'm on the move." "JFK, please." "This is Road Force One." "We are heavy and rolling." "LONNIE:" "This is the Hawk." "Lesher has been neutralized." "We're heading north out of the city." "Excellent." "We'll see you at the rendezvous." "No can do." "This is where I get off." "What are you talking about?" "Lesher and I have our own little score to settle." "I'll catch you on the flip side." "Hawk." "Come in." "Hawk." "So, Lesher, tell me, you ever been to Peekskill?" "(muffled screams)" "I can't understand what you're saying." "You got to go slower." "(muffled sobbing)" "Take a breath." "It's all gonna be okay." "Excuse me." "I think we just missed the, um, exit for the airport." "Oh, he didn't tell you?" "Dr. Sherman has a surprise for you." "There's someone very special he wants you to meet." "We'll be there in ten, Walrus." "WALSH:" "Copy that, Road Force." "Got my peepers on the party." "Will alert if there's any movement." "(jet engine roaring)" "(indistinct flight announcement over P.A.)" "Going somewhere?" "Check that out." "It's got your whole life and all the terrible things you've done to people." "Oh, and, uh..." "what's this?" "Look at that." "Looks like somebody didn't die, did they?" "In fact, that looks like you with" "Mrs. Dr. P-- aka your wife for the past 15 years, aka suck it!" "You are busted!" "(grunts)" "(quietly):" "Yeah." "Son of a bitch, you did it." "Goddamn it." "You actually did it." "I challenge you to become a man, and here you are sticking it to me like a champion." "What are you talking about?" "Well, don't you get it, Roger?" "The master's program-- you passed." "I don't believe you." "Oh, really?" "How do you explain this?" "That's Amanda's first-class ticket to Miami." "The other one's yours." ""Roger Waddell."" "Just consider it a graduation present, Roger." "But... what about all this stuff?" "Wait, Lonnie said..." "Lonnie who?" "You don't mean Lonnie Ratcliff?" "That idiot." "He spent three years in the 'tard hatch." "Yeah, but his, his story was... was just like mine." "Of course it is." "I did the same damn thing to him." "The difference is, you rose to the occasion and he fell apart." "I never said my class was easy." "So..." "Lonnie... never showed up to the airport." "He thinks you flew off with his girlfriend." "Exactly." "Truth is, I sat here for two hours like an asshole and ate a Cinnabon and went home." "Oh, no!" "Amanda!" "She's on the way to your house." "To meet your wife." "Listen, my wife knows the drill." "She can make her pancakes while you fly solo to Miami, or you can get her here." "There's still time." "Oh, and by the way, Roger, the girl loves you." "She just doesn't know it yet." "Diego, it's Roger." "Abort mission." "I repeat, abort mission." "What are you talking about?" "Bring Amanda straight to the airport-- you got 25 minutes." "Hey, Rog, I don't think I can make that." "Just drive!" "You might want to hold on." "(tires screeching)" "(horns honking)" "Look, Dr. P, I..." "Barry." "Oh, all right." "Barry." "I don't know what to say." "Well, it doesn't happen very often, but... every once in a while, I actually teach someone." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Oh, and hey, Roger." "Remember that night in the bar, when you made that joke about maybe someday you'll teach the class?" "Look me up when you get back." "(tires screeching)" "Sorry if the ride was a little bumpy." "Have a nice flight." "Let me go, please." "Take care." "(sighs):" "God." "(sighs)" "Let me have a Johnnie Walker." "Make it neat." "It's a good day, huh?" "Going to Miami." "# #" "# #" "(chuckles)" "Hi." "There she is." "Sorry I'm late." "(sighs)" "I had the craziest driver on the way here." "Oh, don't worry, sweetheart." "We got time." "You know which gate?" "(theme transitions to melancholy melody)" "(jet engine roaring)" "# #" "Diego, where is she?" "What are you talking about?" "I dropped her off ten minutes ago." "Which terminal?" "The one on our itinerary-- terminal four." "Hey, Rog?" "Rog, you still there?" "(grunts)" "Slow down, sir." "Come on through." "(beep)" "Can you remove your shoes, please?" "You're okay." "# #" "And how does a glass of champagne sound?" "Sounds great." "And for you?" "I'm fine, thanks." "You sure?" "Yeah, maybe later." "Amanda!" "Amanda!" "ROGER (in distance):" "Wait!" "Do you hear that?" "No, I didn't hear anything." "(chuckles):" "Okay." "(suspenseful theme plays)" "ROGER:" "Hold the door!" "Wait!" "(grunts)" "Uh, sir..." "Sir, um..." "Excuse me, excuse me." "Amanda..." "Oh, my God." "You need to get off this plane." "Listen, pal, I don't know where your pills are, but this ends now, okay?" "Call security." "Uh, sir, could I please see your ticket?" "I don't have a ticket!" "Okay?" "Yeah, we need security at gate 31." "Now." "Listen to me-- this is a bad man." "Why are you doing this, Roger?" "Because you need to hear the truth." "I'm not crazy." "I never broke into your apartment." "And I never spray-painted your dog." "I would never do that." "Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave..." "Don't touch me." "You know, I know people you can talk to." "We can get you help, okay?" "You know... (panting)" "You don't..." "understand." "Calm down." "You're not..." "listening." "Just breathe." "(gasping)" "Breathe deeply." "Oh, God." "Jesus Christ." "(people murmuring)" "It's okay." "It's just a panic attack." "He gets these a lot." "Of course he does." "Um, he's a doctor." "You gonna check on him?" "I-I'm gonna get some ice." "Okay, everybody just, uh, remain calm, and, uh, we'll get this situation under control." "Okay, everybody stand back." "Now what?" "Where are you going with this, Roger?" "It's your move..." "Doctor." "Quick, he's not breathing." "Bring me the paddles." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I need to shock him." "Come on, get them." "Okay." "Sir, give me a sock." "Quick." "I don't want him choking on his tongue." "Come on, stay with me." "Stay with me, stay with me!" "(whispering):" "Okay, this is your last chance, Roger." "I'm not bluffing." "Okay." "(high-pitched electric whining)" "Hand me the paddles, come on." "Quick." "Are you sure?" "Shouldn't we try something else first?" "Yes, I'm sure." "Here we go-- 1,800 volts of pure electricity." "(clapping paddles together)" "Clear!" "Sir, you don't have the current engaged." "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" "Yes, I think I know what I'm doing." "Obviously, somebody didn't turn..." "Aren't you supposed to turn this thing on?" "Turn it on." "Come on." "(beeping)" "(high-pitched electric whining)" "(beeping)" "Wait." "He's breathing." "You back off." "I'm doing this, okay?" "What do you mean, "back off" ?" "He's breathing." "I said stay back." "Just back off!" "Please." "Why are you doing this?" "(paddles rubbing together)" "Oh, my God." "You aren't even a doctor, are you?" "Who's a lion now, bitch?" "AMANDA:" "What?" "Everything you said is true, isn't it?" "How could you?" "Oh, please." "Amanda, look, I did it for his own good." "You broke into my apartment, you spray-painted my dog?" "Well..." "Oh, my God." "Is your wife even dead?" "Not technically, but I can explain that." "You make me sick!" "Ow!" "(zapping, crackling)" "(passengers clamoring)" "(screaming)" "(zapping, crackling)" "Get it off!" "Get it off you!" "(screaming)" "Roger!" "Oh, my God." "(gasps)" "Roger, can you hear me?" "(Roger groans)" "You okay?" "No." "I can't feel my chest." "(sirens approaching from distance)" "Is-ls something burning?" "(Amanda chuckles)" "I think it's you." "(Roger coughs)" "I'm so sorry for getting you into any of this." "That's okay." "Everything's gonna be all right." "Amanda..." "Yeah?" "I totally love you." "(gentle laugh)" "I know." "(whispers):" "You're gonna be okay." "(quiet, gentle theme fades)" "I like it here." "It's quiet." "Helps me think." "So how have you been?" "Not too good." "My wife found out about everything." "Everything?" "It's been a bad month." "It didn't have to go this far." "I always push things." "It's who I am." "So, uh, how is, uh..." "She's good." "So why'd you call me?" "I have something for you." "It's the first diploma I've ever given out." "Congratulations." "Wow." "Thanks." "You know, I was thinking, um..." "I don't know, if I... if I get the class, you know, up and going again, you know, maybe you could drop by sometime as, like, a guest speaker or something." "Yeah." "I don't know." "It's not really my thing." "Besides... you know what they say:" ""Those who can, do," ""and those who can't, teach."" "But you already knew that." "Right." "(driving rock music playing)" "(patting leg)" "I got to get going." "# I fell down in the desert, baby #" "# Yeah #" "# I had nothing but a piece of paper #" "# Oh, yeah #" "# I had to write something down #" "# And I found myself alone #" "Hey, what's going on?" "Well, well, well." "Good morning, sunshine." "Thinking there for a second we weren't going to get you back to the land of the living, huh?" "All right, listen up, 'cause I'm not going to repeat this." "Here's how the game works." "You get a 15 minute head start." "If I were you, I'd try to find a weapon of some type." "Definitely shelter, though to be honest, there ain't much to work with down here." "Temperatures drop way below freezing when the sun goes down, so you might want to make a fire." "Downside of the fire is it's real easy for me to spot you from the air with that." "# Then I let go of everything #" "# Into another dimension #" "All right, here's how this works." "You get an eight-minute head start." "So I suggest you get moving." "It's all right, come on." "It's okay, don't be scared." "Go ahead." "Oh, Lesher... there's poison ivy all over the place, so watch it with the short sleeves." "All right?" "Ooh!" "No, that's what I'm talking about." "You're gonna get..." "# Oh, yeah #" "# Lightning crash on the hill tonight #" "# Yeah!" "#" "# And I got a feeling everything is gonna be #" "# All right #" "# Then a horse came running to me #" "Yay!" "Congratulations, honey, you win, you're fat." "Would you like a big, fat medal?" "Put it back." "# Then a storm began to blow #" "Mazel tov." "# Into another dimension #" "# Purple haze is in the sky #" "# See the angel's wicked eye #" "# All these things we must try #" "# Till we see the reasons why #" "# Oh, yeah #" "# #" "# I got lost in the desert, baby #" "# Yeah #" "# I found temples made out of paper #" "# Oh, yeah #" "# They were drumming with golden bones #" "# Building dreams up out of their homes #" "# Then I let go of everything #" "# Into another dimension #" "# Yeah #" "# #" "# #" "(rock music fades)" "(guitar playing medium-tempo, gentle melody)" "# #" "# #" "# #" "# #" "# #" "# #" "# #" "# #" "# #" "# #" "# #" "# #" "# #" "(music fades out)"