"Henry Meyerwitz had never wanted any children." "But when he had his first, he remembered an old proverb:" ""Commit a sin twice, and it Will not seem a crime. "" "So he had more." "And once a year, his sins, all grown up, gathered to celebrate his birthday." "He didn't want to be there." "They didn't want to be there." "This year, however, a book came out that made it even Worse." "And I want to make a toast to my fabulous son Nate, and the great success, he's having with his book, Peep World." "Thanks, Dad." "Oh, pardon me If I don't toast a man who's ruined my life." "And I don't know how any of you could." "I ruined your life?" "And what did I do?" "Did I make you more unemployed, more dysfunctional?" "You stabbed us all in the back, you motherfucker!" "You're a fucking bitch." "Okay?" "You honestly have wasted your entire life, being an asshole." "Look at yourself in the mirror." "You're a fraud." "You're the fucked-up version of Amy Winehouse..." "There were four Meyerwitz children." "Jack was the responsible son." "Like the main character in Peep World, he was a struggling architect." "Whose father made him feel inadequate." "Bastard." "There were other things in his life, that made him fee!" "Inadequate foo." "Piece of shit." "Liar." "Pervert." "The first time Jack heard Laura, curse in her sleep, he assumed she was having a nightmare." "Fucker." "Fuck you." "By the second night, he knew the nightmare was him." "Cheri Meyerwitz was a would-be artist, poet, actress, dancer, and singer-songwriter." "But the only thing that had brought her, any measure of recognition, was the Way her brother Nathan had portrayed her, in his book, Peep World..." "AH right, folks, here we go." "This is Peep World..." "Scene 24, take four." "To make matters Worse, they just happened to be shooting the movie version, right in front of her apartment." "We gotta go." "We gotta get a shot off." "31 apple, take one." "Action." "How do I look?" "You look good." "Good?" "Just good?" "I can't go to my audition now." "My confidence is shot." "God damn it, what the fuck was that?" "Cut!" "Are you fucking kidding me?" "# Come on, feel the noise #" "Every family has a black sheep, a colossal underachiever, a recovering addict, a fuck-up." "In the Meyerwitz family, that role fell to Joel..." "Oh, God." "Shit." "What was that?" "Oh, man." "# And I don't know Why #" "#I don't know why #" "# It makes me money #" "# And I don't know Why #" "Oh, come on." "God!" "That's just great." "Oh, no!" "J"Oh, nor" "That is so not cool, man." "# Girls, rock your boys #" "Aah!" "Fudge!" "Back in two minutes." "Back on the air in two minutes." "Nathan, the youngest Meyerwitz, had relished every moment of his book tour except for today." "That's because he was facing his family for the first time since Peep World came out." "They'll be ready for you in a minute." "I told them not to mention your sister's lawsuit." "Good." "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "You have a little something." "Do you want me to get you another green tea?" "No, I'm fine." "You can do whatever you do." "Okay." "Nathan's favorite part of his book tour was getting to work with attractive assistants." "He treated them condescendingly..." "Uh." "Because he read Norman Mailer did that." "I'm sure you get this all the time." "Do you have any sort of advice at all fora young struggling writer?" "I mean, I love doing PR work and everything, but in my heart, I'm a writer." "Of course you are." "So, like, any sort of experience at all that you could kind of pass..." "Listen." "Listen." "There's nothing that I can tell you that's gonna magically make you a writer." "You either have talent, or you do not." "Writing is something that you were born with." "It's not something that you can just pick up." "Okay?" "It is not like Spanish." "Okay." "Okay, do you understand?" "I'm gonna go see if they're ready for you." "Well, you know what?" "Can you wait one second?" "Can you wait one second actually?" "I need your opinion on something very important." "Really?" "Yeah." "This is huge." " Okay." " Okay?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Okay, gather yourself." "Which one do you prefer?" "Really look at them, right?" "They're works of art." "Uh, they're both good." "Everybody knows they're both good." "Everybody can look at them and say they're both good, but I need you to pick one." "Okay, well that one makes you look a little more literary." "Yeah, because of the turtleneck?" "Yeah, and it's... the tilt." "Yeah, a crafty head tilt." "It's a veteran move, right?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "And by the way, I know I looked just okay in Peep World." "It's fine." "It was a bit of a cliché." "A cliché, right, this?" "I know." "I told them that." "I didn't want to do that." "Okay, and for my next novel, the photo is going to match the power of the writing." "You take Philip Roth on the back of Portnoy's Complaint..." "Did you read it?" "Yes." " Do you want to know why?" " Great book." "It's a... it's a good book." "It's a good book." "No, you read it because he looks unbelievable on that back cover, like a Jewish Casanova, right?" "Like he could pick up a shofar and make it sound like a jazz saxophone." "That photo had a hypnotic effect on women." "So that's why men write, to get women?" "That's why men do everything." "They're ready for you, Mr. Meyerwitz." "Please, you can just call me Nathan, right?" "She can just call me Nathan." "Where you from?" "Cuba." "Oh, get out of here." "I love Cuba." "Honey!" "Wake up!" "Oh, my god." "Ah, don't do that!" "How can you read this before you go to bed?" "No wonder you have trouble sleeping." "There you go." "Thank you." "Your brother's on TV again." "How does he look?" "Smug" "Our next guest is causing quite a stir with his first novel, Peep World, the number one best-selling novel." "Welcome, Nathan Meyerwitz." "It's a pleasure to be here." "That is one disturbing novel." "And that family..." "Whoo." "So will he be gracing us with his presence tonight?" "Yeah." "I wonder if it's too late to sit him at another table." "My own life experience." "So I'm taking a mirror, and I'm putting it up to all families, and I'm saying, "Take a look at yourself." "Take a good, hard look. "" "Ooh, he kicked." "So it's safe to say that Peep World is at least... somewhat autobiographical?" " Yes." " Oh, yes, of course." "What time is it?" "I've got an appointment." "I better get in the shower." "Save some hot water for me." "Okay." "Dysfunctional family." "And your own family?" "How do they feel about the incredible attention that Peep World is getting?" "They love it." "They're excited." " No." " Yeah." " Wow." " Yeah." "Your brother's supposed to protect you." "Your brother isn't supposed to betray you." "Christ was betrayed too." "Yeah, that's true." "Cheri sought solace in her friend Ephraim, who would patiently listen to her in hopes that one day," "Cheri would sleep with him." "They've been seeing each other for eight years." "You know it is a sad commentary on our society indeed that we allow someone to use a trusting relationship for their own material gain." "And he made a fortune on that book." "And that's before the movie." "And now I walk out of my apartment, and I step straight into Peep World." "It's like rape." "It feels like rape." "Yeah, and by your own brother." "Oh, I went to an audition the other day." "All the director could talk about was Peep World and Peep World and can I introduce him to Nathan, like he's a goddamn deity or something, no offense." "None taken." "He's had it in for me ever since he was born, literally since he was born." "I used to be the favorite." "I was the youngest." "Now Nathan's the youngest." "He was a mistake." "You know he was a mistake baby?" " No, no, I didn't know that." " I didn't tell you that?" " Is this clean?" " Yeah, all washed." "It was Jack, uh, Joel, me, all two years apart, and then seven years later, Nathan." "Nobody wanted him." "I should have done everybody a favor and put a plastic bag in his crib." "No, no." "That's one of the seven dead lies" "I will be civil tonight at Daddy's birthday." "I will be civil, but he better watch himself, because I have fucking had it." "Cheri, I will be standing right by your side, and if you decide to go all the way with this, go to trial, I will be there for you too." "Do you think I'm a monster?" "No, no." "Of course not." "You don't think I'm a monster?" "Not at all." "Can you get my spot?" "Yeah." "That's it." "I hate to break it to you Effie, but that is not a Jewish man I'm looking at." "To his children, Henry Meyerwitz was more of a face on a billboard than a father." "He was like the Marlboro man, but shorter and Jewish." "Jack." "Good morning." "Morning." "I'm sorry I kept you waiting." "That's okay." "That's when your Dad and I Won the tournament at Riviera." "Do you remember that?" " Not really." " The man is an animal." "He's an absolute killer at the net." "I don't doubt that." "So I see you've been looking at the plans." "Yeah." "Looked them over pretty carefully, and, um, they're good." "But I..." "I kept hoping that they would be, um..." "Better?" "No." "No, not better." "Just... different." "Maybe, um, next time?" "Un, now many times are you going to remodel the den?" "Say hi to your Dad for me." "Will do." "Your card is no good, man." "It's been rejected." "No good?" "That's impossible." "It's my brother's..." "I'll take care of this." "When Joel was seven, he asked his father to give him a dollar to buy some candy." "His father turned him down." "So he asked his brother Jack." "He's been borrowing money from him ever since." "Hello?" "Jack, hey, it's Joel." "How you..." "Jack?" "Jack?" "Dropped call or..." "What?" "Hey, Jack." "Hey." "How are you?" "Lost you back there, bro." "You didn't lose me." "I hung up." "This is serious." "There's something wrong with your credit card." "There's nothing wrong with the card." "I trusted you." "Look at the thanks I get." "What are you talking about?" "The monthly statement." "You think I don't read it?" "$800 dollars at the Pump Station." "What is that, another strip club?" "No, it's not a strip club." "It's a personal training center." "I'm kickboxing now." " You're boxing?" " It's not just boxing." "Muay Thai." "You know, it's..." "if you want to get in the best shape of your life, then trust me on this one." "You should try it." "Kickboxing is the way to go." "Are you there?" "Jack?" "Are you listening?" "This is important." "Look, Joel." "I'm having a rough morning, all right?" "Oh, God, I'm sorry." "Is there anything I can do?" "Yeah, of course there's something you can do." "Stop asking me for money." "Stop creating crises." "You know what," "I believe that people can change, and I'm gonna turn things around, and you're gonna see that." "I am gonna turn this around." "I'm gonna take care of my debt." "I'm gonna get my practice going again." "I'm gonna get married, and I am gonna have a good life." "Well, I really hope so, Joel." "Yeah." "And I'm gonna retire at 40." "You're 38, Joel." "You're broke." "Well, that's..." "see, that's negative." "How do you expect me to be positive with all the negativity raining down on me all the time?" "And I'm gonna tell you something else." "I have a new girlfriend, and she is wonderful." "She believes in me, and she's trying to make me a better man." "And she's not some whore either." "Well, that sounds good..." "Joel." "Yeah." "It is great." "It is great." "So what I'm gonna do is," "I'm gonna just put you on the phone, um," "With, uh, What's your name?" "Maduk..." "Ma..." "Maduk?" "Maduk?" "Maduk..." "Uh, where are you from?" "Sudan." "Sudan?" "Ooh." "Sexy." "Grr..." "Uh, Maduk from Sudan and, uh, all you have to do is give him your credit card number." "Thank you so much, brother." "Thank you." "Hello?" "What's this gonna cost me?" "$483." "Hey, Jack." "Your father called." "He said he wanted to know about Thomkins." "We really needed that one." "I know." "I'll be in my office." " And don't forget, Laura's stopping by at 1:00." "He's a good guy, my brother, right?" "My brother would have told me to go fuck myself." "Families." "Right?" "Okay." "Wait, do I ride with you?" "I ride with you." "Maduk..." "Come in." "Sorry, Jack, but, uh, we have to go over this." "We can pay the rent, the electricity, and the phone bill." "But that's it." "There's at least $17,000 in other bills." "Jack." "Your brother's on the phone." "I need to take this in private." "What do you need now, Joel?" "No, no, no." "It's not Joel." "It's Nathan, your successful brother." "Oh." "Hey." "Jesus." "Every developer in this city is going out of business, but leave it to Dad to make money." "Yeah." "That's what he's good at." "Hey, so how's Laura holding up?" "She's, uh..." "she's great." "Despite being betrayed by Nathan in his book Peep World," "Jack had an almost masochistic desire to open up to his youngest brother." "I'm not sure, but she's been talking in her sleep." "Should hear her." ""You fucker. "" ""Fuck you. "" ""Liar. "" "How long has this been going on for?" "Uh, that's enough." "I can't believe I told you that much." "Come on." "You can trust me." "Look, I'm through being fodder for your imagination." "Please, okay." "We have..." "Jack, I gotta take this, okay?" "I'll talk to you tonight at Dad's party." "All right." "Hello?" "Yeah, this is he." "Fantastic." "Cancellation." "At what time?" "I will be there." "I am on my way right now." "I will be there." "Uh, where?" "Hey, drop me off at Mariposa and Sixth." "You have a 1:30 book reading." "If I'm late, I'm late." "That's rude." "Well, the world isn't always polite." "Or didn't they teach you that over at UCLA?" "I must have missed that class." "You obviously didn't miss the one on condescension" "I actually majored in it." "That's fine." " Nathan." " What?" "Nathan." "What?" "If you're not there, my boss will kill me." "I will be there." "I promise." "Please." "Stop it." "I will be there." "Hemingway found his courage by running with the buffs." "Nathan found his by visiting a highly recommended doctor on craigslist." "And you are?" "Jack." "Jack Meyerwitz." "I'm an architect." "Nathan knew it was Wrong to use Jack's name." "But in his mind, he couldn't risk his secret getting out." "Premature ejaculation is a common problem." "Now, there's no reason to be embarrassed about this." "It's a simple mechanical problem that we can now fix." "Let me ask you." "Are you able to achieve penetration before ejaculation?" "Some of the time." "Good." "That's good." "In those instances, how long before you orgasm?" "One minute?" "Two?" "Okay." "How would you like to last an hour?" "What about two or three?" "Five minutes would be unbelievable." "We've developed a patented compound that takes effect almost immediately." "Jeez." "It opens up the veins..." "Naah..." "In the sponge tissue of the penis, the capora cavernosax" "Keeps them open and maintains an erection for at least an hour, allowing you to perform without the fear of ejaculation." "Now just... just think of the hours of pleasure you'll be able to give, and receive, as a result." "For the first time, you'll be able to be with a woman and feel fully confident of your abilities." "That would be amazing." "Okay, I need you to stand up." "Salvador, come in here please." "Who is Salvador?" "Oh, he's my nurse." "You're gonna love him." "Full-dosage cartridge." "Very good." " Is it a pill?" " No." "Now, I don't want you to be worried." "Holy shit." " It Won't hurt at all." " Nope." "Nah." "No, we don't have to." "Normal, very normal." "No." "Jesus Christ." "Okay." "Now..." "You said something about being an architect, huh?" "What kind of architecture do you do, Jack?" "I do..." "Aah!" "No." "I told you it Wouldn't hurt." "Oh, it kills." "That kills." "See how easy that was?" "Oh." "Ah." "Now, your erection will come on rapidly once the medication takes effect." "It should subside in about 15 minutes." "15 minutes..." "are... are you sure?" "Maybe 20, more or less." "You might feel some discomfort, but that's a normal part of the diagnostic." "Don't worry." "Very normal." "If had taken Joef eight times to pass the California bar." "So most people wouldn't trust him to handle their divorce..." "Hey." "Except for Mary..." "Joel Meyerwitz." "His girlfriend." "I've been waiting for you all morning." "I'm sorry." "You promised me you would help me with my divorce." "I don't want to be married to that man forever." " I know, I know." " I want to be with you." " Oh." " Okay?" "Mmm." "You smell nice." "Thank you." "The judge is pissed." "Oh, God." "My car broke down again." "You have no business driving a car like that, and you know it." "Who do you think you are anyway," "Johnnie Cochran?" "Baby, what is it?" " Hmm?" " What's wrong with you?" "Why you look sick?" "No, I'm..." "I'm fine." "You need to take care of yourself." "I know, with your help." " Okay." " Okay?" " What would you do without me?" " What would I do?" "Come on, let's reschedule this hearing." "Yes, officer." "Hey, you know what," "I just need to finish up one piece of business, and, uh, I'll be right in with you." "One minute." "Okay." "You look cute today." "Oh." "Hurry up." "Joel Meyerwitz." "Mr. Meyerwitz, We represent the Honduran Credit Association." "Let's go for a walk." "Okay, is this really necessary, guys?" "If We were gonna Whack you, We Wouldn't do it here." "Okay, wait." "See, now the fact that you're even mentioning whacking..." "Your loan with the HCA is substantially in the arrears." "Okay, okay." "Well, hold on a second." "Hold on." "We can work this out." "All right there's... there's some kind of misunderstanding, and I'll tell you what I'm gonna do." "I'm just gonna call Felix and..." "Felix is the one that sent us." "We need to collect $12,000." "Are you serious?" "I don't carry that kind of cash around with me." " You got a car?" " Yeah." "Give us the keys." "What?" "Are you crazy?" "My car's Worth, like, 50 grand." "Keys, Mr. Meyerwitz." "Okay." "You know what, I have a solution to this." "I know how to take care of this situation." "Okay, guys?" "We are simply going to talk to my father." "Yeah, We're having dinner tonight downtown at the Madison." "Come on by, and he will write you a check." " No checks." " No, no, no." "You don't understand." "My father is Henry Meyerwitz." "Real estate guy." "Why don't you fix me and Wizdom up with a bottle of champagne too?" "Yes." "Champagne." "Surf and turf." "Anything you want." "He'll have an open tab, so just go crazy." "All right, guys." "Hey, is that, uh..." "Wizdom is your real name?" "It's Wizdom with a Z." "With a Z?" "Is that on your birth certificate?" "Because you can get that legally changed." "I could take care of that, change it to an S." "Are you playing with me?" "I..." "I would never play with you, Wizdom..." "And Z is..." "it's perfectly fine." "Okay." "All right, we'll see you tonight, guys." "Ma, it's me." "Always a pain in the ass," "Cheri's mother dreamed of the day her daughter would finally run away." "Ma!" "But she never did." "Mom!" "In the back." "Right." "Your son is a dead man." "I swear to God, the next time I see Nathan," "I'm gonna kill him." "Hi, Cheri." "Hello, princess." "You look beautiful." "Hi, Ted." "Why are you making him do that?" "He's practically blind." "Is that supposed to be that?" "Wow." "All right." "Come." "Help your mother." "Let's go." "Great." "Ugh." "Peep World is everywhere I look." "They're shooting right outside my apartment." "Did you know that?" "You don't think Nate did that on purpose?" "I doubt it." "Hey, you want to help me with the socks?" "No, I don't want to help you with the socks." "I didn't come here to fucking fold laundry, Mom!" "I haven't been able to eat anything since this book came out." "Well, it doesn't show." "Oh, thank you so much." "You know I'm going through a really painful time, and you're acting like you don't give a shit." "It's just a book." "And a movie." "Still, it doesn't matter." "It does matter." "I need you to sign this." "No." "I am not gonna help you sue your brother." "For the sake of the family, would you just give up your lawsuit?" "I will not." "It's gonna be okay." "I disagree." "Half the stuff in that book Nate made up." "This is a work of fiction." "I have lost friends over this book, mother." "People look at me now, and they just... they think I'm a bitch." "Oh, you agree." "I'm outta here." "Ooh." "Wow." "Somebody's excited for Daddy's dinner tonight" "He's bringing his new girlfriend." "Did he tell you?" "No." "I bet she's really young and pretty." "Ah." "Aah." "Salvador." "Ah." "Salvador." "Normal." "Very normal." "But, uh, it's really aching." "It's really throbbing." "Whoa?" "What is whoa?" "What does whoa mean?" "Uh, could you please lift your gown for me?" "Come on." "Please." "Salvador, come take a look at this." "No." "Don't..." "See?" "The level of tumescence is off the charts." "Look." "See the expressiveness in the veins?" "Prominence of the head?" "What level dosage did you give me?" " You said full." " I did?" "Yes, you did." "Well, in rare cases, the erection will not dissipate." "If your penis stays erect for more than eight hours..." "Eight hours?" "Are you kidding?" "Your penis will need to be drained before gangrene sets in." "Gangrene?" "Perfect." "Fantastic." "Jack, Relax." "Calm down, okay?" "Relax?" "You know what?" "Let me drain your penis and see how calm you'd be." "Listen." "You're going to be fine." "Just call your girlfriend, explain what happened here, go home, and get busy." "And don't stop." "Don't wait for an orgasm." "Just keep going until your erection subsides" "I don't have a girlfriend." "I am so sorry." "I'm sure he'll be here any minute." "He doesn't show up in five minutes," "I'll have to cancel." "Writers." "Tell me about it." "Hey." "Nathan, you're late." "What's wrong?" "You sick?" "Nathan talk to me." "What's wrong?" "Oh, my God." "What is it?" " It's an erection." " What?" "I need to be drained." "I'll explain later." "You're gonna be all right?" "Let's just get this over with, okay?" " You walking okay?" " Yeah, it hurts." "A book came out last year, a brutally honest portrayal of a dysfunctional family on the brink of implosion." "Ladies and gentlemen, it is a great honor to present to you the new voice of a generation," "Nathan Meyerwitz." "Nathan." "Thank you." ""The far side of 30 and his desire" ""had transformed from a wondrous torrent into something curdled and r"..." "Shit." "Shit." "Mother..." "Oh." ""Inside a porno booth." ""A California state-licensed architect rooted out from the bowels of Pee"..." "There it is!" "Okay." "I'm fine." "No." "No, I'm not fine." "Oh." "God damn." "Um..." "We're leaving." "Sorry, Jack." "We have bills to pay." "Wow." "I appreciate that you hung in there as long as you did." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Thank you for all your hard work." "I'll pay you what I owe you." "I promise." "Take care of yourself, Jack." "Hello?" "Mister Meyerwitz?" "I'm calling to confirm your reservation at the Madison tonight." "12 people at 8:00." "Yep." "We'll be there." "I think your father will be very happy with your menu choices, uh, Dom Pérignon, Chateau Lafite," "Beluga caviar." "I would be remiss, however, if I did not inform you that the market price of the stone crab legs have gone up to $60 a pound." "Do you still want them?" "Your father does love them." "Oh, yes." "Wonderful." "We will see you tonight." "Good-bye." "Do you think he'll like it?" "Of course he will." "All dads like what their sons get them." "You don't know my father." "Mm." "When are you gonna wash this truck?" "It's dirty." "Oh." "Thank you." "You know what I love about you?" "My oar?" "Ha!" "Besides that." "You are so sweet and so thoughtful." "My husband never opened the door for me." "He never listened to me." "Sorry, what were you saying?" "Get in the car." "Almost here." "I know." "I can't believe I'm finally gonna see your apartment." "Okay." "Here we go." "Yay." "Ooh, God." "You live here?" "Well, it's just temporary, till I, uh, move." "Yeah." "Okay." "You Wouldn't make it one day in the army." "How about some wine?" "Sure." "Okay." "Okay, baby, this place is nasty." "It's... ew." "No, no." "No, no." "Don't do that." "That's..." "No, it's pine." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Lilac Valley." "Uh, yeah." "Um..." "You could use order in your life." "You need some... discipline." "Yes, I know." "You're right." "You're absolutely right." "To order and discipline in my life." "Better yet, to a workin progress." "Work in progress." "Cheers." "EW." "Hey, Mary, could I talk to you about something?" "Yeah, sure." "Oh, baby, what is it?" "What's bothering you?" "Just tell me." "I just- I need to ask you." "Am I anything like Jason from the book?" "No." "You know, all needy and everything?" "No." "No, way." "Do you think that I'm a loser?" "No." "Why would you think that?" "Who thinks that of you, Joel?" "Who said that?" "My father." "My Whole family." "Pretty much everyone I know." "Let me tell you something." "I don't hang out with losers, okay?" "And you know what, fuck them." "You don't even have to go to that dinner tonight if you don't want to." "Yeah, I do." "I actually really do." "Uh, Kimmy?" "Kimmy out." "She leave early today, go to daughter's recital." "Oh, no." "Oh, no, no." "No worry." "No worry." "Lily take care of you." "She good too." "Lily." "Oh, um, sit down." "Sit down." "This is mine." "I just usually have Kimmy." "Yeah, she's very good, so..." "Oh." "Well, Kimmy good." "Lily better." "Here." "You have a..." "I need a very good pedicure." "I am wearing open-toed shoes tonight, and I need to be the prettiest girl in the room." "So..." "Aw, you go out with your husband?" "No." "With your fiancé?" " No my..." " The boyfriend?" "No." "Uh, my father." "Oh, you daddy's girl?" " Uh-huh." "Oh, that's so nice." "I don't remember my father." "He died." "My father and I are, uh, very close." "We, um..." "We're very close." "We're, uh... basically best friends." "Like BFS." "Thank you for calling JMA." "Our office is currently closed." "Agh..." "May I help you?" "No, thank you." "Jack?" "Spread your legs." "Jack?" "Jack?" "What are you doing?" "My husbands in here." "Madam, this is a place of business." "These gentlemen have a right to their privacy." "Jack, I know you're in there." "I saw you Walk in the building." "Get the fuck out of here, you crazy bitch!" "Jack?" "You're going to have a brawl, please take it outside." "Jack!" "Jack!" "Gentlemen, we're having an emergency." "The shop is closed." "Jack!" " I'm sorry, sir." " Jack!" " Sorry, sir." "Leave." "Good-bye, sir." "Jack?" "Please come back again, sir." "Sir, I'm very sorry." "Madam!" " Jack!" " Madam, one second please!" "Madam, please." "Sir." "The shop is closed." "I ask you to leave your booth now." "I will count to three." "One, two..." "Ugh." "Laura!" "Laura, wait!" "Where are you going?" "We have to talk about this!" "Hello?" "Jack, it's Cheri." "And I need you to tell Nathan that he cannot..." "Shut up!" "Laura!" "Let me in." "This is ridiculous." "Let me in." "We have to talk." "I can't believe I found you at that disgusting place, inside one of those booths, masturbating." "I don't jerk off in there." "I mean, that is worse than cheating on me!" "At least that's normal if not typical." "But this..." "This is... this is just..." "This is ridiculous." "Honey, let me in." "I can't talk to you like this." "You said that Nate made it all up!" "How are you?" "Are you gonna tell me the truth?" "Yes." "I'm waiting." "Everything in Peep World... it's all true, all of it." "I needed to talk to somebody." "I confided in Nathan." "I didn't know he was gonna put it in his book." "I didn't even know what he was writing about." "When it came out, I was..." "I was embarrassed." "It was humiliating." "I lied." "Laura." "What do you watch in there?" "The usual." "What is that?" "It's just the usual." "Laura, what's the point of that?" "How often?" "Now and then." "How often?" " Now and then?" " What?" "Once a Week?" "Twice a day?" "What?" "Stop it, will you?" "You don't..." "You just... you don't know what it's like, Laura." "No, I don't..." "I'm fucking tired." "Okay?" "Of what?" "Of always having to be the good one." "The good son." "The good brother." "I'm sick of all the fucking responsibility." "I hate it." "Well, um, that's kind of too bad, Jack, because you're gonna have a lot more responsibility in seven weeks." "I know." "That's what I'm afraid of." "What if I do to our son what my father did to me?" "Then he'll hate you, and every year, he'll hate having to throw you a birthday party." "I'm not going tonight." "Laura." "I'm sorry." "I lied to you." "I'm an idiot." "I'm sorry." "Please." "Fine." "I'll be there with you tonight, but I won't be there for you." "Ah, ah." "Ah." "I can't do this." "Okay, it says here if Pseudoephedrine doesn't work, intense, sustained physical activity is the best way of dealing with this." "You think it's working?" "Not yet." "Great." "This is it." "This is it." "God is punishing me for what I did to my family." "I can't go to my dad's party like this." "I am fucked." "Yeah." "You are." "You know, a little sympathy would be nice." "Well, the world isn't always polite." "Or didn't they teach you that at Berkeley?" "Fine." "Fine." "I..." "I deserve that, okay?" "And I'm sorry the way I yelled at you in the limo." "Okay?" "Thank you." "Ah, ah." "Oh, my God, my dick hurts." "Why would you do something so drastic?" "Because for once, I wanted to know what it's like to be with a woman and not have to apologize afterwards." "Well, plenty of guys have premature ejaculation problems." "When they're 14." "I'm 29, relatively well-known." "It is embarrassing." "Okay, well speaking as a woman, there's a lot more to a guy than his sexual performance." "Okay?" "There's his heart, his kindness, his sensitivity." "Ah, I'm screwed there too, so..." "You're really not such a bad guy." "I mean you're really full of yourself, but..." "I mean, you're an incredible writer." "Thank you, Meg." "With a dysfunctional penis." "Ugh." "All right, we tried the hot bath." "It did not work." "We tried running in place." "Stupid." "I looked like an idiot." "There is... one more thing... that we haven't quite tried yet." "You and I... could..." "Okay, this is way, way beyond the call of duty." "I know." "Just relax." "We have two hours before your dad's dinner." "It's gonna be okay." "Okay, there he is." "Hey, Jack." "All right." "Good to see you, sweetheart." "You too, Mom." "Hey, how late do you think that Dad's gonna arrive?" "The over under's 8:48." "Uh, we'll see." "Guess who else is fashionably late, our brother Nathan." "Fucking asshole." "Everything okay with you two?" "Jack, what did you do?" "Nothing." "I'm gonna get a drink." "Why are you always blaming him?" "Because he does things, Mommy." "Like what?" "Exactly." "Not tonight." "Not tonight, Cheri." "Could I get a double scotch, neat?" "Why don't you make it a club soda?" "If I can't drink through this, neither can you." "So how many more weeks of freedom you guys have?" "Uh... seven..." "Mazel tov..." "Do you need receiving blankets?" "I saw these really fun," "Austrian, really?" "Austria's actually really famous for their children's clothes." " Huh." " And Hitler." "He was German." "Austrian." "Are you serious?" "He's German." "He was born in Austria, Cheri." "Look it up." "Well, they're famous for children's clothes as well." "Beef skewer?" "I can't eat that;" "I'm a vegetarian." "You know, Hitler was a vegetarian." "Jack, if I have to hear one more thing about Hitler," "I am gonna lose it." "It's gone." "It's gone." "Did you hear me?" "That's... that's good." "Calm down." "That was amazing." "Did you feel something?" "'Cause I totally felt something." "It was just sex, Nathan." "It's not the end of the world." "Yeah, but it was great sex." "It was fine." "You did very well." "You were great too." "Can I ask you another favor?" "Don't ever tell anyone about this?" "Besides that." "I have to see my family tonight." "It would be a lot easier if I had someone in my corner." "Well, why do you need someone in your corner?" "Because everything I wrote in Peep World is true." "Oh, Nathan." "Even the part about your sister sleeping with the entire cast of Tony N' Tina's Wedding?" "She really loved that show." "Well, hey, at least your dad comes off looking okay." "Yeah, that's the only thing I lied about." "People are always telling me how great of a man he was." "Thought maybe if I wrote him that way," "I could finally see it." "What time is it?" "I don't know." " Holy shit." " What?" " It's 8:15." " Okay." " Okay, the party started at 8:00." "Are you gonna come?" "Yeah, just don't tell anyone I'm your girlfriend." "Yeah." "Yeah, we'll ease into it." "No, no." "Don't tell anyone I'm your girlfriend." "Right, right." "We'll talk about it in the car." "So have you decided on a name yet?" "Um, not yet." "Abraham's a good name." "Abraham is a strong Jewish name." "I have a Sudanese friend, and his brother is named Abraham." "And he lost him." "He got out in the desert and eaten by... shot." "Excuse me a second." "Right here, guys." "They're with me." "What's up man?" "You have our money?" "Yeah, my dad's not here yet, but just come with me." "Have a seat at the bar, okay?" "I'll set you up." "Hey anything they want, on our tab, all right?" "Just make yourselves comfortable." "Let me get a shot of tequila." "Champagne." "Okay." "Good?" "You're good?" "I was brought up a Jew in a Jewish home with very strict Jewish traditional..." "Jesus fucking Christ." "I can't believe he had the nerve to show his face here." "Unbelievable." "Cheri, be nice." "Jack, talk to her." "What am I gonna say?" "Hello, Nathan." "Hey, how is everybody?" "Dad's not here yet?" "No." "Hi, I'm Meg." "You look beautiful." " Ted." " Hi." "Cheri." "Who are you?" "Uh, Meg." "I'm doing, um, PR for his book." "So what did we interrupt?" "Ephraim was just explaining the whole Jews for Jesus thing." "I was on a wrong path." "Very scary." "You know what, don't say anything else, honey." "You might end up as a character in Nathan's next book." "Hey, Jack." "Do me a favor?" "Want to remind Cheri that We're not permitted to speak during the discovery phase of the lawsuit." "Come on, everybody, just relax." "We're supposed to have a good time." "This is supposed to be a happy occasion." "I'd have a good time if Nathan wasn't here." "Cheri, do you want me to leave?" " Yep." " Fine, I'm gone." " Okay." " Take care." "Bye." "Nobody wants you to leave Nathan." "No, no, no." "I do." "I want him to leave." "And I can't believe you're defending him." "Let me tell you something, Jack." "You don't come off so great in the book either." "No wonder Laura is miserable." "Go fuck yourself, Cheri." "Go fuck yourself." "That's original." "You're original." "Wow." "All this over a book?" "I got cousins that shot each other that got over it." "I am starving." "If he doesn't get here in the next five minutes," "I'm gonna eat Ted." "Ah." "Henry Meyerwitz Walked into every building like he owned it." "Let them know who you are, so you can put them in their place." "He did that in business." "He's here." "He did that with family." "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "Happy birthday." " Uh-huh." "How are you, sweetie?" "Hey, Dad." "We're right up here." "Up there, huh?" "It's too close to the bathroom, Jack." "Dad, We're not moving." "Hey, how is everybody?" "Hi." "Hey, Dad." "Nice to meet you." "Look at that tummy." "Whoa." "Glad to see you." "Yeah." "Nice." "Is this your girlfriend?" "Look at..." "Yeah, yeah it is." "No, my name's Meg." "Hi." "Hi, nice to meet you." "I'm Henry." "Nice to meet you." "Oh, Marilyn." "Aren't you gorgeous?" "Hey, Ted." "Hey, Joel." "Hi." "Hi." "Good." "How are you?" "This is Mary." "Hi, how are you?" "She's... my girlfriend." "So... hi." "This is Amy!" "Everybody." "Amy..." "Amy Harrison?" "Yes." "Amy Harrison?" "Guys, she is in the movie." "She plays Teri in the movie." "Oh, Teri." "Oh, she's my sister." "Yeah, she plays your sister." "You must be Nathan." "My dad is fucking the actress that plays his daughter?" "That's what it looks like." "So I'm actually something of a Writer myself." "I would really love to pick your brain about the process." "It would be my pleasure." "That's the best thing about writing." "It's something you can develop overtime, and with the right mentor..." "Excuse me, mentor." "Would you pass the bread, please?" "That was sick." "Oh, wow." "You're Teri Markowitz." "Uh, yeah." "Oh." "Teri's based on me." "Hmm." "Of course a very distorted version that says a lot more about the author and his problems than it does about me, but it's still my life, thus the lawsuit." "So..." "Oh, oh." "Did daddy tell you I'm an actress?" "Ha." "Oh, no." "I'm studying with Anton." " Anton." " Pitzelhoffen" "Pitzelhoffen" " Do you know Anton?" " No." "No one knows who Anton is." "I have to say, I just..." "I didn't imagine imagine you for this part." "Like, I just..." "Oh yeah?" "That's not what I pictured at all." "It's weird." "Did you imagine..." "Nobody specific." "I just, um..." "I guess... someone famous." " Nice, nice." " Cheri." "More known." "I wanted you to have this, so... happy birthday." "What is that?" "Thank you, Joel." "And I was hoping..." "a little bit later," "I needed to speak to you about something." "Hey, we said no presents." "There are not supposed to be gifts." "The whole deal is, you come to the dinner and there are no presents..." "Jack, right?" "I paid for the party." "Oh, "I'm paying for the party. "" "Good point." "I'm sorry not all of us can be rich architects." " Look at that face." " It's just a picture." "Absolutely unbelievable." "All the potential you had back then, Joel." "It was amazing." " Mr. Meyerwitz." " Yeah?" "Some people are just late bloomers." "And so?" "What is that supposed to mean?" "Don't be so hard on him." "I don't understand what you're talking about." "Dad, I really need to speak to you about this." "Okay, Joel." "If it's that important." "Thank you." "Aw, we said no presents." "Hey." "Okay." "Well, Dad, you see, there's this, um..." "I'm waiting, Joel." "Joel, spit it out." "Do you have something to say to me or not?" "I want to go back to the table." "Where can I buy shoes like that?" "You've got to be kidding me." "That's what you... that's what you dragged me here for?" "Yeah." "They're too expensive for you, kiddo..." "That's what I thought." "Oh, boy." "Oh, I am going to miss that car." "Okay." "So how is everybody?" "This is a great dinner." "Look, I know that this is a celebration for me..." "I love you." "For my 70th birthday, and I really appreciate it, but at this point, I just want to make a toast." "To my fabulous son Nate," "And the great success he's having with his book, Peep World." "Congratulations, Nate." "You did it, kid." "Thanks, Dad." "Oh, pardon me if I don't toast to a man who's ruined my life." "And I don't know how any of you..." "I ruined your life?" "And what did I do?" "Did I make you more unemployed?" "More dysfunctional?" "More fucked up?" "You stabbed us all in the back, you motherfucker." "You're a fucking bitch, okay?" "You honestly have wasted your entire life being an asshole." "Look at yourself in the mirror." "You look like a fucked-up version of Amy Winehouse..." "Nate!" "Cheri!" "Just save your drama for the stage, where you don't get paid." "And you stop laughing." "It's not funny." "I want to tell you something, Nate." "I want you to be proud of yourself." "When you're successful, there are always people who will tear you down." "That's what they do." "It's something that your brothers and your sister Wouldn't understand." "Thanks, Dad." "Everybody at the firm tells me it's a hell of a book." "What did you think?" "I haven't read it." "You haven't read it yet?" "Well, come on, what do I have to read it for?" "I lived it." "You didn't read your own son's novel?" "I haven't read my own son's novel." "But you know, obviously, I'll get around to it." "What?" "What is it that you don't understand, Nate?" "You." "Okay?" "I don't understand you." "Can somebody please tell me what the hell he's talking about." "Don't worry, Nathan." "Dad's proud of you... as long as people at the firm are patting him on the back." "I would be just as proud of you, Jack, if you ever built something substantial, if you built a building and I walked down the street and I could point to it and say, "Look at that building." "That's my kid." "My kid built that building. "" "Once again, it comes back to you." "What are you saying?" "You're saying I only think about myself?" "I see." "Well, then, let me ask you something." "Who the fuck paid for your architectural school?" "Huh?" "And what about your nose job, princess?" "How many nose jobs did you have?" "One, and then one for maintenance." "Rehab." "How many times?" "Three." "Three times." "That's ridiculous." "I didn't near any complaints when the cash machine was open." "Speaking of which, Jack, how's business?" "I had a nice chat today with Brad Thomkins" "Told me that your drawings Weren't up to par." "But that's fine, not to worry." "As a favor to me, he said he'd give you another shot." "I don't want another shot, Dad." "My business is over." "I don't want to be an architect anymore." "Look, Son." "Nothing is over." "Business is cyclical." "It goes in stages." "You had a few bad months." "That's okay." "You just..." "you gotta stick to it." "Why?" "Because it's yours." "But I don't want it, Dad." "My heart is not in it." "I don't think it ever was." "Okay, fine." "Fine." "Let's eat." "Come on." "No problem." "I just want to know one thing." "What are you gonna do about money?" "I don't know." "You don't know." "That's great." "I have news for you." "Being a father is expensive." "No kidding." "I'm surprised you're even having a kid, because as far back as I can recall, you never had any balls at all." "Ooh." "Henry, that's enough!" "Mom." "Mom, it's okay." "I'm okay." "I didn't raise my kids to be quitters" "You didn't raise us at all, Dad." "God." "I may never make as much money as you, Dad, but I know one thing." "I'll be a better father than you ever were." "Give me a break." "That's right;" "walk away." "That's right, Jackie boy." "Leave." "Walk away." "Come on, Laura." "Don't worry about the business." "Deep down, he's just like me." "No, Henry." "He's nothing like you." "Another petit Syrah?" "Are you fucking kidding me?" "Wrong time." "Can I get a shot of something?" "Anything." "You okay?" "He'll get over it." "I don't care." "For the first time in my life," "I honestly don't give a shit what my family thinks about me." "How's that feel?" "Fucking fantastic." "All I care about is us." "And the baby." "Laura, I'm sorry." "For everything." "I don't know how, but I promise you" "I'll make it work." "We'll make it work." "Ugh." "Mm." "Do we have to go back in there?" "Yeah, I'm hungry." "Ephraim, I'm bored." "What the hell are you doing?" "Put it away." "Hey, slow down." "You're gonna make yourself sick." "Okay." "In the spirit of goodwill," "I just want to ask you something." "What do you want from me?" "What do you want?" "You want me to tell you what a bastard I've been?" "Why I didn't go to your stupid hockey games?" "Or why I didn't come to your dance recitals?" "Okay." "I'll say it." "I'm sorry." "There." "I said it." "All right?" "Do you feel better?" "I think we should go." "Let's go." "You hear that?" "You see the way she takes care of me." "Come here, sweetheart." "Ugh." "We're gonna have a baby." "Are you kidding me?" "Wait..." "What?" "Amy's pregnant." " L'Chaim..." " What?" "How far along are you?" "You're having a baby?" "Again?" "You're, like, 100 years old." "You're gonna have a kid?" "No." "Hey!" "I have something to say to you guys." "You should be happy for yourfather..." "You know what, you all talk about him like he's some sort of a monster." "I mean did he..." "did he hit you?" "Did he molest you or something?" "No, he didn't..." "The only thing ne's guilty of is being successful." "Your father is the most generous, kind, thoughtful, sincere man I have ever met in my entire life." "And I'm just really sorry you all can't see him like that." "Amen." "And that is why I love her." "I'm gonna be sick." " Stop kissing her." " I'm gonna be sick." "And as far as you people are concerned," "I want to tell you something." "You want to know who to blame for your shitty lives?" "Blame yourselves, because I am sick and tired of your Whining and your complaining." "Your lives would have been miraculous if I hadn't been your father." "Well, bullshit." "You don't like being part of my family, go find your own family." "Okay?" "Goddamned spoiled brat kids." "I know." "I know." "You're just jealous of my Will." "Daddy, nobody's interested in your will..." "We want you to live a long, happy life." "Not that will." "What is wrong with you?" "How old are you?" "Not my... that will." "My will to live, my life, any damn way I please." "Are you ever gonna grow up?" "Shut up." "Shut up!" "All my life, I've been listening to your fighting" "You hate her." "She hates you." "You all hate your father." "Not once did any of you have the common courtesy to ask me how I felt, the pain that I was going through." "Well, now you're all gonna hear about it." "Honey?" "He's choking!" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "He's choking!" "Daddy!" "Jack!" "Henry!" "Make him stop the choking!" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Henry." "Call an ambulance." "Help!" " Oh, my God." " Dad?" "Daddy?" " Dad." " Dad." "Henry, Henry?" "Henry, can you hear me?" "I don't know." " Please." " Call 911." "Does he have a pulse?" "Dad, can you hear me?" "Henry." "Dad." "# I got the big boy rims #" "# On the big boy Whip #" "# I got the big boy rims #" "# On the big boy Whip #" "# I got them big boy rims #" "# On the big boy Whip #" "# I got the big boy rims #" "# On the big boy Whip #" "# I got them big boys rim #" "# On the big boy Whip #" "Doctor Calder, please, for emergency." "Nathan, why don't you sit down?" "I can't..." "There are consequences." "You know, there's a price to pay." "What did you say?" "I'm saying it's karma, Nate." "You... you caused a lot of pain, and you caused a lot of suffering, and now there's a price." "So my book brought this on?" "Is that what you're saying?" "Know what, fuck you, Cheri." "Hey, guys." "This is not the time." "Nathan, you're not responsible for what happened to dad." "Cheri, come on." "That was pretty hurtful what you did, Nathan." "I tried reading Peep World, and I had to put it down." "It was like looking at... a bad photograph of yourself or hearing your voice on a tape recorder for the very first time." "Pshh, only worse." "I did finish it eventually, but it hurt." "And it still hurts." "And you want to know the worst thing?" "You're my brother, and you see me as a joke, a fat one, a fool." "I expected more from you, Nate." "I'm not angry." "I'm telling you." "It hurt." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm still gonna sue." "Dr. Reidl, please call 600." "Dr. Reidl, cab' 600." "Not now." "Well, now would be a good time." "I know." "But it's just so jangly." "It's too much." "Okay, okay." "What are we gonna do if he dies?" "We'll live." "Are you the Meyerwitz family?" "Yes." "Even though it was never his intention," "Henry Meyerwitz had finally brought, his family together." "It nearly killed him."