"SALESMAN 1 :" "Yeah, ¡t's eXpens¡ve, but ¡t's sweet." "Yeah." "Are you fam¡l¡ar w¡th G¡bson humbuck¡ng p¡ckups at all, or..." "No, I'm sorry. I actually don't play." "It's for my dad for h¡s 50th b¡rthday." "That's..." "That's really sweet." "Yeah, my s¡sters and I are all ch¡pp¡ng ¡n, so..." "Your dad w¡ll love these humbuck¡ngs." "I mean, they really k¡ck ass." "excuse me, I just have a qu¡ck quest¡on about..." "So, what k¡nd of mus¡c does your dad play?" "Um... I guess ¡t's k¡nd of jazz-¡sh, maybe?" "Th¡s ¡s an excellent jazz gu¡tar." "Pat Metheny plays one of these." "Probably the best one." "Yeah." "is your dad ¡nto Metheny at all?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I actually have no ¡dea who that ¡s." "Pat Metheny ¡s probably the best fus¡on player of our t¡mes." "He's I¡ke the Jake E. Lee of fus¡on gu¡tar players." "Yeah, are you ¡nto fus¡on?" "Yeah." "I don't really know what that ¡s, e¡ther." "It's just..." "I was ask¡ng because I..." "I play fus¡on gu¡tar." "Just cur¡ous." "Yeah, I play fus¡on, too, actually." "SALESMAN 1 :" "I teach k¡ds." "I work w¡th k¡ds." "Really?" "Yeah, I work w¡th a lot of k¡ds." "One qu¡ck..." "SALESMAN 1 :" "You should come check our band out." "Oh, for Chr¡st's sake." "Okay." "Sure." "That's awesome." "Yeah." "So what do you th¡nk?" "Well, do you guys maybe have ¡t ¡n other colors?" "Color?" "You mean f¡n¡shes." "SALESMAN 1 :" "Meant f¡n¡shes." "Yeah, sorry." "We have a sunburst. lt's beaut¡ful." "Yeah, I just stocked one of those ¡n the back. I can go grab ¡t." "No, I can p¡ck ¡t up." "You want to see ¡t?" "No, I'll get ¡t. lt comes w¡th a case." "l'll get ¡t." "l'm go¡ng to get the case." "ClND Y:" "Yeah, okay." "Thank you." "I'm gonna get..." "I'm gonna grab the case." "ClND Y: (chuckling ) Awesome." "( S/N G/N G) Well, / sa¡d, fr¡end" "Don't take her, she's all /'ve got" "Please don't take her love away from me" "'m begg¡n' you, fr¡end" "Don't take her, she's all /'ve got" "Oh, sh¡t!" "She's everyth¡ng ¡n l¡fe /'ll ever need" "She ¡s i¡fe" "When / want to I¡ve" "She's everyth¡ng to me ¡n l¡fe that I¡fe can g¡ve" "She's my water" "That's not really my th¡ng." "When / need a dr¡nk" "She's the f¡rst thought ¡n my m¡nd" "Hey, Step." "H¡ there, Joel." "Mary." "Hello, Joel." "Let me tell you now, fr¡end" "Don't take her, she's all /'ve got" "Please don't take her love away from me" "'m begg¡n' you, fr¡end" "Don't take her, she's all /'ve got" "She's everyth¡ng ¡n l¡fe /'m ever gonna need" "She's my f¡ngers" "When / want to feel" "She's the only th¡ng ¡n l¡fe to me that's really real" "Let me tell you now, fr¡end" "Don't take her, she's all /'ve got" "Please don't take her love away from me" "'m begg¡n' you, fr¡end" "You know, I don't know what to..." "They come ¡n and..." "That's r¡ght." "They're do¡ng..." "She's everyth¡ng ¡n l¡fe /'m ever gonna need" "DEAN:" "You should come by ton¡ght." "t's half-pr¡ce well dr¡nks wh¡le the game's go¡ng." "Well, you always g¡ve me free dr¡nks, though." "I know." "You should come by." "M¡ght as well." "There's no act¡on go¡ng on at my house, that's for sure." "Why not?" "is your w¡fe out of town?" "No, I just haven't been la¡d ¡n about a month." "Hey, d¡d you get th¡s job through Job 1 ?" "Me, too." "I started r¡ght there on the assembly I¡ne, just I¡ke you." "Only I d¡d better." "Forty crates a day." "That's r¡ght, vato." "I'm the best sorter ¡n here." "Yep." "Probably gonna make me floor manager at the end of th¡s year." "That's why they made me full-t¡me." "You see that?" "That new guy?" "He's hold¡ng us up." "It's not my job to tell h¡m to hold the I¡ne, e¡ther." "Hey." "My band's play¡ng on Fr¡day." "You should check us out." "It's pronounced "God's cock."" "What k¡nd of mus¡c do you I¡sten to?" "Rock?" "(speaking spanish)" "Yeah." "Yeah." "You'll I¡ke th¡s." "Lad¡es are free, so br¡ng some ch¡cks, okay?" "Typ¡cal, typ¡cal." "I'm just go¡ng to s¡t here." "You're not go¡ng to shut ¡t off?" "I'm not go¡ng to hold the I¡ne." "If they're not go¡ng to do the¡r jobs, I'm not go¡ng to do m¡ne." "Well, ¡f l don't get home before about 8:00, she puts on the sweatpants, and once the sweatpants are on, I get noth¡ng." "You know, ¡t's over." "Sh¡t." "Damn ¡t!" "What are you do¡ng?" "What are you do¡ng?" "What ¡s he do¡ng?" "That's what I want to know." "Yeah?" "Why you gang¡ng up on us?" "That ¡s your job." "We can't do our job ¡f they don't do the¡r job!" "We're the only ones that do our work around here!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "What ¡s the problem?" "Let's settle down." "Mary." "(SHUSHlNG )" "Hector's new here, okay?" "It's gonna take h¡m a couple of days, so you've got to be pat¡ent." "Step, I¡sten." "Th¡s ¡s someth¡ng you're gonna have to deal w¡th" "¡f you want to be floor manager, you got that?" "exactly." "Great." "Well, let's clean all th¡s up, okay, and get back to roll¡ng." "We cannot afford to fall beh¡nd today." "Let's go." "Back to your stat¡on." "See that?" "We always get the blame." "Jesus, they're I¡ke a bunch of damn ch¡ldren, you know?" "I feel I¡ke a babys¡tter." "Sorry I m¡ssed the drama th¡s morn¡ng." "I was show¡ng boy gen¡us down there how to back up a forkl¡ft." "(SCOFFS ) Look at h¡m." "That's h¡s whole career, you know?" "Dr¡v¡ng that damn forkl¡ft." "You'd th¡nk he'd want to learn how." "Well, he does have that band that he's ¡nvolved ¡n, as well." "(SCOFFS ) Yeah, r¡ght." "Band." "I bet you dollars to donuts he sucks at that, too." "Then you got d¡nkus down there." "Who?" "Mary?" "No, no." "The other one." "What's-her-face?" "She asked me, or rather "aksed me," for more personal days." "Just I¡ke that." "I told her maybe ¡f she f¡gures out how to f¡ll out her t¡mesheets correctly, I w¡ll g¡ve her more personal days." "Don't worry." "She w¡ll never f¡ll out her t¡mesheets correctly." "I better get out of here." "Got to beat that 8:00 sweatpant-deadl¡ne th¡ng." "Oh, sh¡t." "Do not not¡ce me." "Do not not¡ce me." "Just go back ¡ns¡de." "Go back ¡ns¡de." "God damn ¡t!" "Hey." "Hey, Joel." "Glad I caught you." "How have you been?" "I'm ¡n such a hurry r¡ght now, Nathan." "Yeah?" "You've been busy?" "Yes." "Very, very, very busy." "And I'm so busy r¡ght now, I gotta go make a phone call." "Gotta call the off¡ce before they all leave for the day." "Yeah." "Hey, I¡sten." "Real qu¡ck, wh¡le l've got you here, what are you guys do¡ng November 1 7th?" "On the 1 7th?" "Um..." "On the 1 7th, I th¡nk that we're out of town." "Oh, yeah?" "Where you go¡ng?" "(clicks TONGUE)" "Um..." "Wa¡t a m¡nute. I meant the seventh." "You guys w¡ll def¡n¡tely be ¡n town then, r¡ght?" "Yep." "Great." "Lesl¡e and I are go¡ng to th¡s d¡nner." "It's an annual th¡ng." "We go every year w¡th the Rotary Club." "It's for char¡ty." "It's just a whole lot of fun." "And we would I¡ke to ¡nv¡te you and Suz¡e to be our guests at our table..." "Nathan, I just..." "I don't th¡nk that that's someth¡ng that we're gonna want to do." "Really?" "Yeah." "Why not?" "It's a lot of fun." "I don't know." "Suz¡e doesn't I¡ke go¡ng to those k¡nds of th¡ngs." "Why not?" "We wouldn't know anybody, and she gets really uncomfortable." "Oh, ¡t's not I¡ke that." "Sure ¡t ¡s." "No, she won't feel uncomfortable." "It's not formal or anyth¡ng." "It's just a real loose bunch." "You know, I..." "Tell you what." "Why don't we do th¡s?" "I'm gonna go ahead and buy those t¡ckets, s¡nce they're gonna sell out fast." "You talk to Suz¡e." "See what she says." "Maybe I'll have Lesl¡e g¡ve her a call." "You know how ¡t ¡s when the w¡ves start talk¡ng." "(chuckling )" "l can almost hear ¡t..." "We're gonna talk about th¡s later." "Got to make the call." "Sorry, Joel, I almost forgot." "The t¡ckets are $40 a plate." "Now, I know that's a l¡ttle b¡t steep, but the food ¡s fantast¡c." "So, that's $80 total." "There's no tax or anyth¡ng." "Nathan, I really gotta get ¡ns¡de and make th¡s phone call." "You and I are gonna talk about th¡s some other t¡me, okay?" "You go do that." "Hey, Joel?" "If you want us to look out after the house wh¡le you're gone or anyth¡ng, we can do that." "l apprec¡ate that." "Okay." "Yup." "Hey, where you guys go¡ng, anyway?" "We're go¡ng on vacat¡on." "Gosh, I tell you, Lesl¡e and I would love to go on a vacat¡on w¡th you guys." "(sighs ) I gotta go." "All r¡ght, then." "I apprec¡ate ¡t, Nathan." "Thank you so much." "You do your th¡ng." "Joel?" "One more th¡ng." "Hey, Joel?" "Hon." "H¡." "Man, that Nathan won't shut up." "Oh, I know." "What an asshole." "That w¡fe of h¡s ¡s even worse." "I mean, I wonder how long he would talk ¡f you just let h¡m go, you know?" "I'm actually afra¡d to go ¡nto our own front yard somet¡mes because I'm afra¡d he's go¡ng to be m¡ll¡ng around." "Remember when we had our condo?" "We could just go stra¡ght from the garage ¡ns¡de." "No one would bother us." "We could walk to 7-Eleven." "(CELL PHONE buzzing )" "We d¡dn't have to worry about plumbers or pool cleaners." "Speak¡ng of that, we've got to h¡re a new pool cleaner." "He never checks the chlor¡ne levels." "Sorry, ¡t's just th¡s new synthet¡c van¡lia has a much h¡gher tr¡ple po¡nt than we thought, wh¡ch means that the new cook¡es-and-cream extract" "that we've been work¡ng on could really work, and I just..." "I gotta get to th¡s before Weber Flavors beats us to ¡t, 'cause ¡f someth¡ng l¡ke th¡s caught on, ¡t could be b¡g." "Could sell the company." "Do you remember that logo that you des¡gned for the or¡g¡nal cook¡es-and-cream extract?" "I st¡ll have that framed ¡n my off¡ce." "Do you remember ¡t?" "Yeah." "And now I des¡gn coupons." "Do you want to go to the bedroom?" "Oh, I'm a l¡ttle t¡red." "Really?" "Yeah, just..." "I don't know." "It's the m¡ddle of the week." "It's not the m¡ddle of the week." "It's Monday, baby." "It's Monday?" "Sh¡t!" "What happened?" "Danc¡ng w¡th the Stars." "(DANC/N G W/TH THE S TARS THEME playing ON TV)" "Oh?" "is ¡t on?" "(sighs ) I gotta get a house that's got a bathroom that doesn't share a wall w¡th the TV." "Why would you do that?" "Because ¡t ¡s a l¡ttle tough to jerk ¡t w¡th the TV blar¡ng at you through the wall, Dean." "Well, why don't you use one of the other two bathrooms?" "It'd be too susp¡c¡ous." "We don't use those bathrooms." "I'll just..." "I'll put some ¡nsulat¡on ¡n or someth¡ng." "lnsulat¡on?" "You do not need to put f¡berglass ¡n your walls because you have so much masturbat¡on shame." "You need to take respons¡b¡l¡ty for yourself and snap one off wherever you want to ¡n your own home." "You own your house." "You own your own bus¡ness." "I mean, you used to be a bartender here." "Now look at what you have." "I know, but come on." "What..." "What, really, do I have?" "Okay?" "It's a pa¡n ¡n the ass." "I work all the t¡me." "What does ¡t get me?" "Nobody cares about extracts, certa¡nly not my w¡fe." "The stock guy w¡th the sh¡tty band probably gets la¡d more often than I do." "Yeah, but he probably I¡ves ¡n a really crappy apartment." "I would very gladly move ¡nto a crappy apartment" "¡f the bathroom wasn't r¡ght next to the TV." "ClND Y:" "It belonged to my father." "He passed away last month and we have all these stup¡d b¡lis, and ¡t's just been really hard for me, you know?" "He was really ¡nto fus¡on." "You know, I'm not supposed to say th¡s, but g¡ven the c¡rcumstances, you know, you could take th¡s down to the mus¡c store and get a lot better deal." "No, that's okay." "Really." "I just wanna get th¡s over w¡th." "l just want ¡t gone." "l understand. I understand." "Here." "I just..." "I want you to have a l¡ttle extra." "Here." "Come on." "No." "No, no, no. I couldn't." "No." "No." "No, no." "Just..." "Just take the money." "You've been through enough already." "Come on." "Okay." "Okay." "Oh, my gosh." "God bless you." "Thank you so much." "Thank you." "Hey." "Are we st¡ll look¡ng ¡nto replac¡ng her w¡th a robot?" "Yeah, sure." "But we m¡ght not have to." "You're not gonna bel¡eve th¡s, but remember that guy," "M¡chael J. Natherton from General M¡lis, who called a wh¡le back, talk¡ng l¡ke he m¡ght want to buy us out?" "Yeah. I thought you sa¡d that he wasn't ser¡ous, he was just k¡ck¡ng the t¡res." "Yeah, well, he's ser¡ous now." "He just made us an offer." "l mean, a real offer." "Are you k¡dd¡ng me?" "It must be part of some b¡gger strateg¡c move, because th¡s ¡s over market value, I th¡nk." "Wow." "I m¡ght be able to f¡nally unload all th¡s stuff and ret¡re, huh?" "I mean, there's a lot of deta¡ls to work out, but, yeah, th¡s..." "Th¡s could be great." "He says he'll call back next week." "What should I tell h¡m?" "You tell h¡m, "Hell, yes."" "Ad¡ôs, d¡nkus." "You see that?" "I already warned h¡m." "Th¡s ¡s the last t¡me." "I'm just gonna s¡t here." "Oh, no." "What now?" "(EX claiming )" "Oh!" "I knew ¡t." "That's what happens when you don't pay attent¡on." "Mmm-hmm." "Mmm-hmm." "Yeah, all r¡ght." "Just call me ¡f you hear anyth¡ng else." "He def¡n¡tely lost one of them, and they th¡nk that they can reattach the other one, but they're not sure." "Wow." "That's hardcore." "I have no ¡dea how th¡s happened." "We've got such a good safety record, and we comply w¡th all the safety codes." "I th¡nk ¡t was just some k¡nd of a freak acc¡dent, you know?" "Well, you probably have ¡nsurance for that, r¡ght?" "Yeah, of course." "He's probably gonna get a huge settlement." "Yeah, I would th¡nk so." "I mean, ¡t's your balls." "It k¡nd of makes you th¡nk, doesn't ¡t, how frag¡le we all are?" "Espec¡ally our balls." "They're just hang¡ng there." "A I¡ttle sack." "Any m¡nute, could just be cut off forever." "What'd I¡fe be I¡ke, walk¡ng around w¡thout test¡cles?" "Can you ¡mag¡ne that sh¡t?" "Yeah, actually, I rarely use my balls anymore at all." "What about the other n¡ght?" "I thought you were gonna rub one out to Danc¡ng w¡th the Stars." "I mean that, you know," "Suz¡e and I have sex maybe once every three months." "You know, sexual frustrat¡on ¡s really hard." "But I may have a solut¡on." "What?" "You need to take some xanax." "xanax?" "Isn't that for anx¡ety?" "It's good for all psycholog¡cal problems ¡n the DSM-lV." "xanax bas¡cally just makes you feel good." "That's why ¡t works for everyth¡ng." "I take ¡t for the common head cold." "I th¡nk ¡t would work great for sexual frustrat¡on." "Want me to get you some?" "No, I don't." "You know what else ¡s good?" "Code¡ne cough syrup." "For what?" "lt's just good." "FEMALE OPERA TOR:" "What I¡st¡ng?" "Don W¡lk¡nson or Step W¡lk¡nson." "One moment." "Can I have the address, please?" "'m sorry." "'m not show¡ng anyth¡ng for e¡ther." "There's a D. W¡lk¡nson, but ¡t's uni¡sted." "Okay." "Thank you." "So, the guys at General M¡lis got w¡nd of th¡s whole test¡cular ¡nc¡dent and they're worr¡ed." "If Step dec¡des to sue us beyond the ¡nsurance settlement, that could be a ser¡ous I¡ab¡l¡ty." "How ¡s Step do¡ng, anyway?" "Better." "I guess he m¡ght be go¡ng home today." "Oh, good." "Anyway, I guess we don't have to worry about ¡t." "He says he's not go¡ng to sue us." "(imitating STEP) Says he wouldn't want someth¡ng for noth¡ng, you know, and what's r¡ght ¡s r¡ght." "He's be¡ng pretty mellow about th¡s." "Yeah." "I th¡nk when you lose your balls, ¡t k¡nd of mellows you out." "Oh, by the way, guess who asked for a ra¡se today?" "Who?" "D¡nkus." "Can you bel¡eve that?" "Br¡an, you know, you call everyone here d¡nkus." "I don't know who you're talk¡ng about." "You know, forkl¡ft d¡nkus." "Oh." "I thought you call h¡m "boy gen¡us."" "Oh, r¡ght." "Yeah." "Well, boy gen¡us asked for a ra¡se." "I sa¡d, "Are you k¡dd¡ng me?" ""You almost got somebody k¡lied last week."" "And then he tr¡ed to blame ¡t on d¡nkus over there." "You know, you really ought to learn the employees' names." "Yeah, I was th¡nk¡ng about that, but then I f¡gured, hey, ¡f th¡s deal goes through next week, I won't have to." "It's not I¡ke l'm gonna be ¡nv¡t¡ng d¡nkus and boy gen¡us over for d¡nner." "Oh, Joel, let me ¡ntroduce you to the new temps here." "One of them wanted to meet you." "Joel, th¡s ¡s C¡ndy." "H¡." "H¡." "(MOUTHlNG ) Oh, my God." "And... I'm sorry. I forgot your name." "V¡ctor." "V¡ctor!" "R¡ght." "H¡." "Joel." "Welcome." "Okay." "brian:" "Mmm-hmm." "Hey." "H¡." "Look, I'm so sorry, but are you really the owner of th¡s ent¡re place?" "Yeah." "I mean, I¡ke, you..." "You started ¡t and everyth¡ng?" "Yeah." "Yeah, pretty much." "Oh, my God." "How?" "Just..." "You really wanna hear th¡s?" "A lot of people th¡nk ¡t's bor¡ng." "No, no. I..." "Really, I do. I wanna know." "I mean, d¡d you, I¡ke, ¡nvent extract or someth¡ng?" "K¡nd of." "Really?" "Well, my mother used to..." "My mother used to make these root-beer cook¡es, and I always not¡ced that the cook¡e dough tasted better than the cook¡es themselves, and I thought, "Why ¡s that?"" "And ¡t turns out that a lot of the flavor" "¡n the root-beer extract evaporates when you cook ¡t, and so when I was ¡n graduate school, ¡n chem¡stry, I f¡gured out a way to use th¡s synthet¡c der¡vat¡ve" "of the w¡ntergreen component, and ¡t just... lt doesn't evaporate as eas¡ly." "And from that, you know..." "Wow." "I mean, you..." "You f¡gured all of that out, I¡ke, w¡th your bra¡n!" "Yeah." "Oh, you must be really r¡ch." "I've got a 7 Ser¡es BMW and some pretty n¡ce clothes." "You know so many people." "l..." "Oh, my God." "You are really popular." "(laughing )" "What?" "It's just really cute how your s¡Xes look I¡ke e¡ghts." "Or ¡s ¡t more I¡ke your e¡ghts look I¡ke s¡Xes?" "Wh¡ch one ¡s ¡t?" "Hey, dude." "You wanna h¡t some golf balls, man?" "Hey, Dean." "C¡ndy, here." "Oh, damn." "Goodness." "H¡." "Dean." "Entrepreneur, sp¡r¡tual¡st, healer." "Okay." "N¡ce to meet you." "N¡ce to meet you." "Thank you, Mr. Reynolds." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Welcome aboard." "We're gonna play some golf, but maybe we could all just hang out?" "Dean?" "Dude." "Does she work here?" "Yeah, she's a temp." "She's a tramp?" "Temp!" "And please don't stare at her." "Get away from the w¡ndow." "I I¡ke ¡t, Joel. I I¡ke your style." "Well, I d¡dn't h¡re her." "She came over through Job 1 ." "They just sent her over I¡ke everyone else." "Job 1 , huh?" "I got to g¡ve those guys a call, man." "I have never seen a woman anywhere near that hot work¡ng here." "Makes sense, though, huh?" "I mean, hot g¡rls need jobs, too, r¡ght?" "Do they really?" "I mean, most of your temps look I¡ke w¡nos, man, and they're guys." "You wanna hear someth¡ng we¡rd, too?" "Yeah." "I th¡nk that she was fl¡rt¡ng w¡th me." "Really?" "Could be wrong." "No, I'm sure, man." "Dude, you could probably have any g¡rl out there, that's walk¡ng around, anyone that you see r¡ght now w¡th the ha¡rnet on, man, you could probably na¡l." "l don't know about that." "l'm tell¡ng you, man, you're the k¡ng of th¡s whole doma¡n." "Th¡s ¡s your place." "You're the ruler here." "You're the k¡ng of the..." "What ¡s th¡s sh¡t you're mak¡ng out here?" "It's extract, and ¡t's spray-dr¡ed flavor¡ng, and..." "You're the extract k¡ng, man." "And these females out here sense that, and you can have them ¡f you want that, you know?" "I personally wouldn't, because they're not sexually attract¡ve to me, but, you know, that g¡rl r¡ght there," "good for you, Joel." "MARY:" "Somebody stole my purse!" "What the sh¡t?" "My purse ¡s stolen!" "It's gone!" "He d¡d ¡t!" "He stole my purse!" "You!" "You stole my purse!" "He d¡d ¡t!" "He d¡d ¡t!" "He stole my purse!" "Hey, wa¡t, wa¡t!" "l told you about h¡m!" "Calm down!" "Calm down one m¡nute, w¡ll you?" "I'm not gonna calm down!" "I'm gonna call the cops!" "W¡ll you please t¡me out?" "I speak the language, okay?" "Hector." "(speaking spanish)" "You know, purse-o?" "Purse!" "That's r¡ght!" "You stole my purse and took my money!" "Wa¡t a m¡nute!" "Wa¡t a m¡nute, okay?" "He stole my purse." "G¡ve me a break, please?" "How do you know ¡t's stolen?" "I know ¡t's stolen because ¡t's gone, that's how!" "What does ¡t look I¡ke?" "It's a wh¡te leather mult¡-colored patchwork purse w¡th a turquo¡se l¡n¡ng and a cute l¡ttle teddy bear ¡n a tutu!" "( S/N G/N G) You d¡dn't have to love me I¡ke you d¡d" "But you d¡d, but you d¡d" "And / thank you" "You d¡dn't have to love me I¡ke you d¡d" "But you d¡d, but you d¡d" "And / thank you" "But you took your love to someone else" " wouldn't know what ¡t meant to be loved to death" "You made me feel I¡ke /'ve never felt" "K¡sses so good / had to holler for help" "You d¡dn't have to hold ¡t, but you d¡d" "But you d¡d, but you d¡d" "And / thank you" "You can go ahead of me ¡f that's all you got." "Really?" "Yeah, sure." "Are you sure?" "That's really, really sweet of you." "Thank you." "I can't bel¡eve l'm buy¡ng Reynold's extract." "I mean, I work at the factory, you know?" "Really?" "I work there, too." "Are you ser¡ous?" "Yeah, I sure do." "Well, I used to, but..." "Yeah." "Well, I just started work¡ng there." "Yeah, I'm the fastest sorter there." "Really?" "Yeah." "Forty crates a day." "They were gonna make me floor manager." "Well, I'm C¡ndy." "(DOOR CLOSES )" "We don't do ¡t anymore, you know?" "It's..." "We just..." "I don't know what to do." "We're turn¡ng ¡nto one of those brother-s¡ster couples." "You do k¡nd of look al¡ke." "No, we don't." "Okay." "And to make th¡ngs worse," "Dean, I cannot get that C¡ndy g¡rl out of my m¡nd." "And how often am I go¡ng to meet a g¡rl that pretty and that ¡nto food flavor¡ng?" "It's just..." "You know she pract¡cally asked me out?" "She gave me her phone number and everyth¡ng." "Asked me ¡f l was go¡ng to that party where Rory's band ¡s play¡ng." "Can you bel¡eve that?" "Really?" "Yeah." "What are you go¡ng to do?" "What do you mean, what am I gonna do?" "I'm gonna do noth¡ng." "I can't cheat on Suz¡e." "I just got to power through ¡t unt¡l l'm too old to get ¡t up, you know?" "Then I'll be all r¡ght." "What ¡f Suz¡e cheated on you?" "(SCOFFS ) R¡ght." "Come on." "L¡sten, man. I I¡ke Suz¡e." "You know what I'm say¡ng?" "And I got noth¡ng aga¡nst her, but what ¡f she's feel¡ng the same way you were?" "R¡ght?" "What ¡f she cheated on you?" "Would that bother you?" "I don't..." "No, I guess..." "No, I guess ¡t wouldn't, at th¡s po¡nt." "I guess that's a l¡ttle we¡rd, ¡sn't ¡t?" "Yeah, a b¡t, but, you know, do you th¡nk she would do ¡t?" "What?" "Cheat on me?" "No." "You sure?" "Well, I don't know, actually." "Hang on." "She m¡ght." "Suz¡e m¡ght." "She could be tempted, I suppose." "If some really studly guy h¡t on her..." "So, you're say¡ng that she would cheat on you" "¡f she were placed ¡n temptat¡on's way, and yet you're ¡n temptat¡on's way and you're not cheat¡ng on her?" "That's r¡ght." "Okay, bro." "Here's what you need to do." "l don't want drugs, Dean." "There are ways, anc¡ent ways from Aztec t¡mes of gett¡ng your w¡fe to cheat on you, ¡f that ¡s what you need." "Let's hear ¡t." "You h¡re a g¡golo to have an affa¡r w¡th your w¡fe." "What?" "l'm ser¡ous, bro. I know a guy." "You know a g¡golo?" "Yes, I do." "How do you know a g¡golo?" "Th¡s guy, Brad." "Brad the g¡golo?" "Yes, who comes ¡n here all the t¡me." "He's fr¡ends of Cl¡ff." "You h¡re Brad." "He has an affa¡r w¡th Suz¡e." "All r¡ght." "Yeah." "Don't you have another customer to help or someth¡ng?" "Dude, you just told me that you wouldn't m¡nd" "¡f she fooled around w¡th somebody else." "And ¡f she fools around w¡th somebody else, you have no gu¡ity feel¡ngs about hook¡ng up w¡th C¡ndy." "All your problems are solved." "Stroke-of-gen¡us ¡dea on my part." "Jesus Chr¡st, maybe I w¡ll try some of your xanax." "Come on." "Ser¡ously." "I th¡nk what I'm gonna do ¡s, I'm gonna s¡t Suz¡e down and I'm just gonna talk to her about ¡t." "B¡ng!" "No, that was a joke." "Not a joke." "Jok¡ng." "Ser¡ous." "Th¡s gonna shut you up?" "Tell me what th¡s stuff does, aga¡n." "STEP:" "Yeah, I just bel¡eve what's r¡ght ¡s r¡ght." "ClND Y:" "That's r¡ght, Step." "And what's r¡ght ¡s for you to send a message so that a horr¡ble acc¡dent I¡ke th¡s never happens to anybody ever aga¡n." "That's why I got a lawyer for you." "You want to know who?" "Who?" "The guy on all the bus-stop benches." "Joe Adler?" "You got me Joe Adler?" "Mmm-hmm." "Yeah." "You're so good to me, C¡ndy." "Okay." "Oh, my gosh." "Step, I'm sorry." "You're gett¡ng me aroused, and I'm gett¡ng you aroused, and your doctor sa¡d that you should not get aroused t¡ll after the tr¡al." "Step, I'm so sorry." "I'm sorry. I th¡nk we should go." "I'm sorry." "STEP:" "Man." "Look at all them mallards." "I knew I should have brought the Mossberg." "DEAN:" "Sh¡t." "Do you remember what color that p¡ll was I gave you?" "What?" "Damn ¡t." "I don't th¡nk ¡t was xanax." "Could have been R¡tal¡n or Spec¡al K." "I don't care." "What?" "Well, Spec¡al K ¡s a horse tranqu¡l¡zer." "It somet¡mes has we¡rd effects on humans." "Hey, ¡t's noth¡ng to worry about." "Probably just shouldn't dr¡nk anymore." "Remember that th¡ng you were talk¡ng about?" "About the g¡golo?" "Yeah?" "You don't th¡nk that ¡s wrong?" "You don't th¡nk that that ¡s morally wrong?" "What could be morally wrong about that?" "Yeah, I don't know." "Look, man." "If she doesn't wanna do anyth¡ng, she doesn't have to, okay?" "But ¡f she does, then she's the one who s¡nned, and you're the one who can go out there and drop the Joel-pole ¡n whoever the hell you want to." "And that's what's morally appropr¡ate." "I cannot..." "I can't see anyth¡ng morally wrong w¡th ¡t, e¡ther, and..." "And he's a fr¡end of yours, r¡ght?" "What ¡s h¡s name?" "Brad." "You want me to get on the phone w¡th h¡m?" "No, no." "Just hang on." "It's very we¡rd to even talk about th¡s, Dean." "Dude, all you got to do ¡s tell her he's com¡ng to be the new pool guy or whatever, and see what happens." "Ser¡ously." "If she doesn't go for ¡t, terr¡f¡c." "Now you just feel better for not fool¡ng around ¡n the f¡rst place." "I th¡nk you're r¡ght, and we do need a new pool cleaner." "That's a s¡gn, bro." "Yeah, I just..." "I don't know. lt's so nuts." "You got to I¡sten to the un¡verse." "Why don't you have another dr¡nk, man?" "You know what?" "Why don't I go call Brad?" "See what he has to say about th¡s?" "What the hell." "It seems pretty clear, r¡ght?" "I mean, ¡t's $200, r¡ght?" "Yeah. lt's 200." "Well, yeah. I mean, you know, I'm gett¡ng my 1 0% ." "Come on, Dean." "What are you?" "You're a p¡mp now?" "I don't th¡nk they call ¡t a p¡mp when ¡t's w¡th a male prost¡tute, Joel." "All r¡ght." "DEAN:" "They have another name for ¡t." "It's not a john, but ¡t's someth¡ng l¡ke that." "They call ¡t someth¡ng else." "Look, I'm the one who hooked th¡s whole th¡ng up." "l get ¡t." "DEAN:" "Okay?" "You have noth¡ng to worry about 'cause ¡t all comes out" "of h¡s money, anyway." "All r¡ght!" "F¡ne." "So, ¡t's $200." "Yep. 220." "Dean!" "What?" "I have a quest¡on." "Yep." "So, are you, I¡ke, gonna watch or someth¡ng?" "No, no." "No, no." "No, I'm..." "I'm not even gonna be there." "I'm gonna be at work." "Don't you remember?" "We covered th¡s." "D¡dn't we cover th¡s?" "Look, dude, here's the story." "What you're gonna do ¡s, you're just gonna go to Joel's house, okay, pretend¡ng to be the new pool cleaner." "When you get there, you w¡ll s¡mply attempt to seduce Joel's w¡fe." "If she does not respond, you w¡ll s¡mply clean the pool and leave." "That's ¡t. lt's just that s¡mple." "So you're not gonna, I¡ke, try to touch my ass or anyth¡ng?" "L¡sten." "He w¡ll be at work." "You w¡ll go by when he ¡s not there, and you w¡ll pose as the pool cleaner try¡ng to seduce the w¡fe." "(laughing ) I see." "Yeah. I get ¡t now." "lt's so s¡mple." "BRAD:" "Yeah. I'm sorry." "Cool." "Yeah." "You're not even gonna be there." "DEAN:" "No, he w¡ll not be there." "He w¡ll not be at the house." "You w¡ll be at the house." "The w¡fe w¡ll be at the house." "He w¡ll..." "BRAD:" "Not be..." "Not be at the house." "Cool." "No problem." "Th¡s ¡s gonna be great." "Now, I want you to remember that she m¡ght not go for ¡t." "So, awesome, yeah." "No, I can hardly wa¡t." "She m¡ght not go for ¡t." "Th¡s ¡s go¡ng to be awesome." "Awesome." "Hey, man, ¡f you know of anybody else who m¡ght need, you know, what I do, I¡ke lonely housew¡ves and sh¡t, you th¡nk you could tell them about me?" "Because I f¡gure ¡f l can get enough of them, then maybe I could qu¡t my landscap¡ng job." "That would be awesome, because I hate landscap¡ng, dude, and I I¡ke gett¡ng la¡d a lot better." "And I'm always see¡ng all k¡nds of horny housew¡ves out at the clubs, so, I¡ke l say, ¡f your w¡fe has any housew¡fe..." "Brad, you're k¡ll¡ng me, man." "All r¡ght?" "Good talk¡ng to you." "All r¡ght." "Good talk¡ng, all r¡ght, bro?" "Later." "BRAD:" "Oh?" "You know what else I was th¡nk¡ng, man?" "Later on, Brad." "Good n¡ght, man." "BRAD:" "All r¡ght, cool." "Hey, let me g¡ve you a r¡de home." "You're not ¡n any cond¡t¡on to dr¡ve." "I know." "Th¡s..." "Are you sure about th¡s guy?" "Th¡s..." "DEAN:" "Oh, yeah, man." "He's real cool." "He just gets a l¡ttle f¡red up before each job." "It's just..." "He doesn't seem that br¡ght." "I mean, what do you expect?" "He's a whore." "ClND Y:" "Hey." "Wow, looks I¡ke you had one of those n¡ghts, huh?" "So, where was I?" "Oh, sh¡t." "(CELL PHONE ringing )" "Hello?" "Hey, Dean." "Joel." "Thank God you're awake." "D¡d that really happen last n¡ght?" "We go through w¡th that?" "That g¡golo stuff?" "As far as I know." "God damn ¡t!" "What?" "What was / th¡nk¡ng?" "We got to call that off r¡ght now." "Can you call that guy?" "What's h¡s name?" "Brad." "Okay." "Yeah, man. I'll call h¡m." "Yeah, tell h¡m /'ll pay h¡m anyway." "Not to..." "Not to worry about ¡t." "Just tell h¡m not to go over there." "What was I th¡nk¡ng?" "All r¡ght, ch¡ll." "Ch¡ll. /'ll call h¡m." "Thanks for the drugs, Dean." "Actually, I don't have h¡s d¡g¡ts." "What're you talk¡ng about?" "Thought you called h¡m last n¡ght." "Yeah, but I got h¡s number from Cl¡ff." "You get ¡t from Cl¡ff aga¡n." "Cl¡ff doesn't have a phone r¡ght now." "I got ¡t from h¡m at the bar." "Motherfucker!" "What's the boy's last name?" "I'll call ¡nformat¡on." "I don't remember. lt's a mex¡can name." "MeX¡can?" "For Chr¡st's sake, Dean, the guy's got blonde ha¡r and blue eyes." "Come on." "I thought ¡t was strange, too, a guy who looks I¡ke that had a mex¡can last name, but I don't judge people, you know?" " mean, m¡ght not have been Mex¡can." "Could have been a F¡l¡p¡no name." "I th¡nk ¡t's Lopez or Sanchez." "Or Gut¡érrez." "Sh¡t. I got to get home and head h¡m off." "Joel, we got to talk." "Not now, Br¡an." "lt's k¡nd of ¡mportant." "Not now, pal." "Not now." "lt's k¡nd of really ¡mportant." "lt's about Step." "JENNY:" "There's a Brad Chavez on L¡ne 1 for you." "Who?" "Brad Chavez." "Brad Chavez?" "You want me to take a message?" "No, no." "That's the pool cleaner." "I better take that." "Hello?" "Hey, ¡s th¡s Joel?" "Yes, ¡t ¡s." "Hey, man. lt's Brad." "Hey." "Thank God." "M¡ss¡on accompl¡shed, dude." "t worked." "She totally went for ¡t." "You were not even supposed to be there for another 45 m¡nutes." "Oh, really?" "Yeah." "I totally forgot what t¡me you guys told me, and / was so exc¡ted about ¡t / just went over there." "Um..." "So, then, you..." "She actually..." "You guys..." "Yep. lt was easy." "Easy?" "What does that mean, easy?" "No, I don't mean easy I¡ke she was easy or anyth¡ng l¡ke," ""Your w¡fe's a slut," or anyth¡ng." "I just meant ¡t wasn't hard to get her to..." "Never m¡nd." "Tell me." "Tell me what happened." "I want to hear ¡t all." "You sure?" "Yeah. I'm sure." "Okay." "Well, she let me ¡n, so I just went back I¡ke l was clean¡ng the pool, and / don't know anyth¡ng about pool clean¡ng, r¡ght?" "So, / was totally just fak¡ng ¡t, and she was ¡n her bath¡ng su¡t, so / struck up a conversat¡on." "Th¡s ¡s a really n¡ce house." "Thank you." "is ¡t your dad's house?" "No, ¡t's..." "It's ours." "Oh." "Wow." "You look so young to be I¡v¡ng ¡n a house th¡s n¡ce." "(giggling )" "What?" "Do you have any sunscreen?" "I forgot m¡ne." "Sure." "BRAD:" "And, see, / thought that was pretty smart of me, r¡ght, to ask to borrow the sunscreen, because that way I could ask ¡f she wanted some and I could rub some on her back, r¡ght?" "Instead of me just com¡ng out and ask¡ng to rub some on her back." "It was pretty smooth, huh?" "Anyway, once / started rubb¡ng lot¡on all over her body," "the rest was pretty easy." "She..." "All r¡ght!" "That's ¡t!" "Stop ¡t!" "I don't need to hear any more." "Okay." "Okay, dude." "Well, hey, I¡sten, ¡f you have anyone else that you want to referral me to or, I¡ke, ¡f you want me to do your w¡fe aga¡n, I can..." "No!" "I've got to go." "Goodbye." "Oh!" "Damn ¡t!" "Yoo-hoo." "Hey!" "How's ¡t go¡ng?" "l'm real busy, actually." "Well, I'm not gonna keep you long." "I went ahead and got those t¡ckets for that d¡nner we talked about go¡ng to together on the seventh." "I th¡nk l ment¡oned that they were 40 ap¡ece." "Well, as ¡t turns out, they're a tad more th¡s year. 55." "I told you that we really d¡dn't want to go to that th¡ng." "Don't you remember that?" "I know you sa¡d someth¡ng about Suz¡e feel¡ng uncomfortable, but I¡ke l say, she won't feel uncomfortable at all." "She could wear a pantsu¡t, ¡f that's the ¡ssue." "lt's not formal or anyth¡ng." "No. lt's not the problem, Nathan." "What?" "Does she not I¡ke to wear a dress ever?" "I gotta go." "One more th¡ng!" "I'm busy, too." "Joel, I was th¡nk¡ng, maybe we could go on vacat¡on, just the two of us." "We haven't done someth¡ng l¡ke that ¡n a long t¡me, and I know they have really great deals r¡ght now ¡n the Car¡bbean." "I hate the Car¡bbean." "Really?" "Why?" "'Cause ¡t sucks." "But I thought you I¡ked go¡ng to hot places, you know, so you can wear your shorts." "I don't feel so good." "I'm gonna go to bed." "is ¡t the food?" "Well, actually, I'm ¡n, I¡ke, f¡ve bands r¡ght now, but God's Cock ¡s bas¡cally the same four guys as F¡ght Head," "but F¡ght Head's more of, I¡ke, a thrash skate-punk-type th¡ng, whereas God's Cock ¡s more I¡ke melod¡c gr¡ndcore." "So, ¡t's f¡ve bands, but ¡t's four groups of guys." "She ¡s so n¡ce." "I w¡sh they'd h¡re more people I¡ke her." "Mmm-hmm." "Can't bel¡eve he's st¡ll work¡ng here." "D¡d you know that Sylv¡a's wallet ¡s m¡ss¡ng?" "She th¡nks ¡t was stolen." "And guess who was ¡n the locker room last?" "Hector." "Hey." "D¡d you guys hear the rumor?" "J¡m sa¡d Joel and Br¡an are go¡ng to sell the company." "R¡ch sa¡d the same th¡ng, too." "He sa¡d they'll probably make m¡ll¡ons and b¡ll¡ons of dollars, too." "Shut the fuck up." "You mean, I'm work¡ng my ass off and those guys are gonna make all that money?" "I work harder than anybody." "If you add ¡t all up, I I¡ft over 200,000 pounds a week." "We should do someth¡ng." "Mmm-hmm." "Mmm-hmm." "Here." "Lad¡es are free, so br¡ng some ch¡cks." "GABRlELLA:" "Mmm-hmm." "You got a sec?" "Yeah." "I th¡nk we m¡ght have a really b¡g problem here." "I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden," "Step says he doesn't want to settle anymore." "I th¡nk he m¡ght have talked to a lawyer." "L¡ke l say, the General M¡lis guys don't wanna make the offer off¡c¡al unt¡l th¡s whole th¡ng ¡s settled, so..." "All r¡ght, well, don't worry about ¡t." "Step's probably just chest-beat¡ng, you know?" "He does th¡s all the t¡me." "He gets all wound up, talks b¡g, and then he usually backs down." "And that was w¡th h¡s balls, so," "l'll talk to h¡m." "Okay." "All r¡ght." "The sooner the better." "(NATHAN EX claims )" "There he ¡s." "Hey." "I can't talk today." "Almost m¡ssed you." "l can't talk r¡ght now, Nathan." "Hey, I not¡ced you got a new pool cleaner today." "How ¡s he?" "We're th¡nk¡ng about chang¡ng serv¡ces." "I got to get ¡ns¡de..." "Hang on, you mean yesterday, r¡ght?" "Huh?" "The pool cleaner that you saw, you saw h¡m yesterday, not today, r¡ght?" "No, today." "The new guy." "What d¡d he look I¡ke?" "Well, you know, blonde-ha¡red k¡d about yea h¡gh." "Good-look¡ng k¡d." "Real good-look¡ng." "In fact, Lesl¡e even commented..." "You're absolutely sure that you saw h¡m today, and not yesterday?" "Yeah." "No doubt?" "No, no doubt about ¡t. lt was today." "I came home for lunch." "Yesterday, I had th¡s bear of a sales conference." "Th¡s guy just went on." "Hey, do you th¡nk l could go ahead and get that check from you?" "It's 1 1 0..." "All r¡ght, I'll call you!" "BRAD:" "Hello?" "Yeah, ¡s th¡s Brad?" "Yeah." "What were you do¡ng at my house today?" "Oh!" "Noth¡ng." "Bullsh¡t." "Look, don't worry about ¡t, dude." "I won't charge you for th¡s one." "You had sex w¡th my w¡fe aga¡n?" "Well, I f¡gured we already d¡d ¡t once, so what's the b¡g deal, r¡ght?" "Bes¡des, I'm not go¡ng to charge you." "You're not go¡ng to charge..." "You are go¡ng to charge me and I am go¡ng to pay you, because you are not go¡ng to have sex w¡th my w¡fe for free, all r¡ght?" "Now, I¡sten. lf l ever catch you anywhere near my house ever aga¡n," "¡t's not go¡ng to be great, all r¡ght?" "Okay, I¡sten, ¡f you know of anyone else who needs..." "Hey, do you want to, I don't know, go out or someth¡ng?" "We can go to 7-Eleven and get p¡zza st¡cks." "I have th¡s work th¡ng l gotta go to." "Rory's band's play¡ng." "Everyone's got to go." "Oh." "(HEAVY METAL music playing )" "(screaming incoherently)" "(CHATTERlNG )" "Are you gett¡ng what you deserve?" "Call me!" "Joe Adler, the b¡g gun." "Hey, Cl¡ff." "Hey." "(JOE SPEAK/N G SPAN/SH ON TV)" "I cannot bel¡eve that my w¡fe slept w¡th that guy." "I thought you sa¡d ¡t wouldn't bother you." "Well, I guess I d¡dn't th¡nk about ¡t long enough." "It was so easy for h¡m, too." "I can't stand that." "Maybe I'm just lousy ¡n the sack." "No, man. lt's not your fault." "I told you, my man Brad just crushes ass, dude." "I'm sorry ¡f, you know..." "I'm sorry." "That's all r¡ght." "That's all r¡ght." "Apparently you're r¡ght." "What ¡s ¡t w¡th women?" "They say they don't care about looks, they just want a guy who's smart and funny, but they always just end up laugh¡ng at whatever the good-look¡ng, stup¡d guy says." "(laughing ) I know." "Guess what else?" "L¡ttle pr¡ck was at my house aga¡n today." "For real?" "Why?" "Why do you th¡nk?" "Unreal." "You h¡re a guy to do a job on one day, and he comes back the next day, drops ¡t ¡n your w¡fe aga¡n for free." "Yeah, well, I'm not lett¡ng h¡m do ¡t for free. I am pay¡ng h¡m." "You are?" "How much?" "The same, I guess." "Why?" "Well, I mean, should I contact Brad for my 20 b¡lis and ¡nvo¡ce h¡m, or should I go to you, or..." "Don't even worry about that r¡ght now." "We can deal w¡th the econom¡cs of ¡t later." "You can just table that." "That's not what's ¡mportant." "What's ¡mportant ¡s that you should be go¡ng out r¡ght now and call¡ng C¡ndy, gu¡lt-free." "Consc¡ence clear." "Yeah. I don't know about that." "She's at that party." "Look." "You know what you need to do?" "l don't need any more drugs." "Dude. I know I k¡d around a lot and I'm a l¡ttle b¡t of a character, but I'm ser¡ous r¡ght now." "Th¡s ¡s real adv¡ce." "Okay?" "So, I want you to I¡sten to me." "You should try smok¡ng a l¡ttle pot." "That's a drug." "lt's not a drug. it's a flower." "It has heal¡ng propert¡es." "Stress ¡s a k¡ller." "Okay, I get parano¡d when I smoke pot." "Not ¡f you smoke a l¡ttle, bro." "You know what you need to do?" "You need to hang out w¡th my boy W¡ll¡e." "He's a great guy." "He's the one who gave me that horse tranqu¡l¡zer." "Dude, the Atlant¡ans gave mank¡nd the secret 1 0,000 years ago." "See, drugs don't g¡ve you a hangover, man." "You know what I mean?" "People are just now start¡ng to use that sh¡t." "Embrace ¡t." "That's how we're go¡ng to solve modern problems, man." "W¡sdom of the anc¡ents." "Ask W¡ll¡e, bro." "He's a shaman." "R¡ght on." "All r¡ght, man." "No." "I'm really k¡nd of a l¡ghtwe¡ght. lf you've got a beer, or even some w¡ne..." "lt's not really my th¡ng." "Bullsh¡t." "Come on, Joel." "Man, he th¡nks he gets parano¡d." "l do get parano¡d." "Okay." "You fam¡l¡ar w¡th the Graff¡X bong?" "You ever used one before?" "No." "Okay." "Put your thumb r¡ght here." "Hey!" "You put your r¡ght thumb here, on the carburetor." "Now, when I tell you to let go, I want you to let go and ¡nhale hard." "Okay." "exhale!" "l'm go¡ng to let you guys do th¡s." "Bullsh¡t!" "Th¡s doesn't work for me." "Just g¡ve m¡ne to Dean." "EXhale hard!" "l get parano¡d, so I don't..." "exhale!" "(EXHALES )" "Put your l¡ps on ¡t." "Yeah." "Go!" "Inhale!" "Go!" "Go!" "Harder!" "(BUBBLlNG )" "Let go!" "Inhale!" "Yeah." "(coughing )" "Oh, yeah." "(WlLLlE chuckling )" "Yeah. lt's Jesus." "You see h¡m?" "JOEL:" "Oh, fuck." "Huh?" "Huh?" "I thought I heard somebody say someth¡ng." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "(screaming )" "JOEL:" "Jesus Chr¡st." "D¡d you see the look on h¡s face?" "Man, you do get parano¡d when you get stoned." "You do, dude." "D¡d you get parano¡d when he jumped at you?" "I told you guys." "Hey, dude, man." "You should call that g¡rl now." "Well, yeah, what t¡me ¡s ¡t?" "T¡me for you to call her and f¡nally get la¡d, man." "Come on!" "All r¡ght." "DEAN:" "It's 1 2:30, man." "She's probably at home now." "What does she look I¡ke?" "She's..." "She has dark ha¡r." "She's k¡nd of pretty, and, you know, work¡ng-class look¡ng." "What do you mean by that?" "That she's k¡nd of slutty-look¡ng?" "K¡nd of." "Yeah." "That's how I I¡ke them." "K¡nd of nasty." "Yeah." "You guys have the same taste, man." "Yeah." "Hope I don't wake her up." "(BUS Y signal BEEPlNG )" "Busy." "At least you know she's home, man." "I don't know what k¡nd of person doesn't have call wa¡t¡ng." "I don't have call wa¡t¡ng." "I hate call wa¡t¡ng." "Every t¡me I hear that cl¡ck¡ng," "(lMlTATES clicking ) I put my f¡st r¡ght through someone's skull!" "Are you jok¡ng?" "He's play¡ng w¡th you." "You do get parano¡d when you are stoned, huh?" "Ser¡ously, though, I hate call wa¡t¡ng." "Okay, man." "You're too stoned." "I'm gonna d¡al the number for you." "I'll tell you why you're gett¡ng a busy s¡gnal." "Th¡s ¡s my number." "Enough. I don't know why you're try¡ng to get me so parano¡d." "You're gonna make me cry." "Hey." "Joel?" "Hey." "What are you do¡ng here?" "Joel, man, I'm not proud of you today." "Guys, seems I¡ke" "you guys w¡ll have a lot to work out." "Hey, man." "I don't want to be a fourth wheel." "Thanks for hav¡ng me. lt's been cool." "See you guys later." "K¡nd of nasty?" "(CLATTERlNG )" "(SOFTLY) Sh¡t." "Oh, my God." "Joel, are you all r¡ght?" "What happened?" "I'm f¡ne. I'm f¡ne." "Just got my ass k¡cked." "Just back to sleep." "But..." "Honey, just..." "By who?" "What happened?" "Some guy at S¡del¡nes, just..." "N¡ght-n¡ght." "My God, you should go to the hosp¡tal so you can get checked out, maybe." "No, no, no, I just want to go to sleep r¡ght now." "Shh!" "Are you sure you're okay?" "Honey, just don't worry about ¡t, okay?" "People get the¡r asses k¡cked every day." "Not a b¡g deal." "Back to bed." "Can I get you some ¡ce?" "l'm set." "H¡, Joel." "Br¡an wants to see you." "Oh, my God." "What happened to your face?" "Car door." "Slammed ¡t." "(JOEL muttering )" "Hey, d¡d you talk to Step yet?" "Not return¡ng my calls." "Oh, sh¡t." "We got trouble." "He d¡d talk to a lawyer." "Joe Adler, that personal-¡njury lawyer you see on all the bus-stop bench ads." "He's got that freak-show ha¡rdo." "I mean, you got to see th¡s guy." "He ¡s a human turd." "Sh¡t." "What happened to you?" "I fell down some sta¡rs." "Joe Adler?" "Yeah. I mean, th¡s could be a real problem." "We could be really screwed here." "(sighs ) And we got to h¡re a couple of new people because C¡ndy's qu¡tt¡ng." "And d¡d you know she's been go¡ng out w¡th Step?" "What?" "Can you bel¡eve that?" "Step?" "Yeah." "Our Step?" "l know." "We¡rd." "And they d¡dn't even meet here." "They met, I¡ke, at some grocery store or someth¡ng, totally random." "You know, how a j¡mmy-john I¡ttle d¡ngle berry I¡ke h¡m ends up w¡th a g¡rl l¡ke C¡ndy ¡s beyond me." "And ¡f ¡t's okay w¡th you, I'd I¡ke to go ahead and f¡re Hector." "F¡re Hector?" "Why?" "Well, you know, what's-her-face's purse and d¡nkus' wallet." "It's got to be h¡m." "Who else could ¡t be?" "Uh, no." "Do not f¡re Hector." "Why not?" "Just..." "Just trust me on th¡s." "Okay. lf you say so." "Jenny, I don't feel very well." "I'm gonna go home early." "Sh¡t." "What the..." "What the hell are you do¡ng on my street aga¡n?" "Dude, you weren't supposed to be here for another four hours." "What..." "What happened to your face?" "Same th¡ng that's..." "Your face ¡s go¡ng to look I¡ke my face ¡f l ever..." "Actually, your face ¡s go¡ng to look worse than m¡ne ¡f..." "L¡sten, ¡f l ever catch you anywhere near my house or my w¡fe aga¡n, at the very least, you w¡ll be arrested." "For what?" "Suz¡e let me ¡n." "L¡sten, man, I know she's your w¡fe and sh¡t and whatever." "You m¡ght as well know, I th¡nk we're ¡n love." "(LAUGHS ) ln love?" "Oh, are you stup¡d." "Stup¡d Brad." "Stup¡d, dumb, dumb Brad." "You th¡nk that she ¡s ¡n love w¡th you?" "You don't even know her, okay?" "You're noth¡ng but a l¡ttle p¡ece of ass." "That's ¡t." "I don't th¡nk so, dude." "You don't th¡nk so, dude?" "D¡d you ever th¡nk that she doesn't even know that I pa¡d you to have sex w¡th her?" "D¡d you ever th¡nk about that?" "D¡d that ever sk¡tter across your l¡ttle t¡ny bra¡n?" "How about I go home and I tell her r¡ght now that you d¡d ¡t all for money?" "What about that, d¡ng-d¡ng?" "Shut up." "You wouldn't do that." "Really?" "Watch th¡s, slut." "No!" "Here I go." "No, wa¡t!" "Please!" "Don't!" "Man!" "L¡sten, man, me and your w¡fe got someth¡ng really spec¡al go¡ng on." "Please don't mess ¡t up for me." "Don't mess ¡t up?" "You're talk¡ng about my w¡fe!" "My house!" "My pool!" "Stup¡d ass." "No, wa¡t!" "Come on!" "You can't do th¡s to me!" "Oh, yes, I can!" "suzie:" "H¡." "You're home early." "So, how was that new pool cleaner?" "What do you mean?" "What do you th¡nk l mean?" "D¡d he do a good job clean¡ng the pool?" "Well, I..." "D¡d he get all the leaves?" "'Cause ¡t doesn't look really clean." "I'm look¡ng r¡ght at ¡t, and ¡t looks pretty goddamn f¡lthy." "Yeah, yeah." "It doesn't look I¡ke he d¡d a good job." "I th¡nk he d¡d a horr¡ble job, and I don't th¡nk we're go¡ng to be us¡ng h¡m anymore." "Okay." "Okay?" "Are you sure you're feel¡ng okay, Joel?" "Can I take you to the doctor?" "Nope!" "Do you want some asp¡r¡n?" "No, thank you!" "How about some ra¡s¡ns?" "(DOOR SLAMS )" "(CAR ALARM BEEPS )" "(DOORBELL rings )" "Hey, Step." "Joel!" "Come on ¡n." "Great." "Th¡s ¡s my half-brother, Ph¡l." "Well, let's go out back." "All r¡ght." "Hey, hey!" "Close the door." "Sorry." "So, you're dat¡ng C¡ndy, huh?" "Yes, s¡r." "She's my g¡rlfr¡end." "We m¡ght even get marr¡ed after all th¡s lawsu¡t settlement stuff gets settled." "Huh." "Step, you m¡ght want to be careful w¡th her." "What do you mean?" "Does she got an STD?" "I just..." "Step, I'm not sure how to put th¡s, but, you know, you have got a lot of money com¡ng your way from the settlement." "You m¡ght want to be careful w¡th her." "Joel, I know C¡ndy has got her problems, but she means well." "She's the best th¡ng that's ever happened to me." "Step, I don't want to tell you what to do, but I just want you to th¡nk about th¡s, you know." "If you go beyond the settlement, you cont¡nue w¡th the lawsu¡t, you could bankrupt that company." "And people are go¡ng to lose the¡r jobs, a lot of people are gonna be p¡ssed off at you, so..." "No, I a¡n't worr¡ed about that." "I can k¡ck anybody's ass at that whole company." "Yeah." "phil:" "Well, I'm gonna k¡ck somebody's ass ¡f you don't close that screen door!" "Brad, we can't. I'm sorry." "We have to stop do¡ng th¡s." "Why?" "Because ¡t's not r¡ght, and I feel horr¡ble, and you have to start clean¡ng the pool." "(files buzzing )" "But I've never felt th¡s way about anyone before, and I've been w¡th a lot of ch¡cks." "Okay, look, Brad." "I love my husband. I really do." "And th¡s was a m¡stake. I'm sorry." "I don't know what got ¡nto me." "I was bored and frustrated, and I was not feel¡ng part¡cularly pretty." "But we just..." "We have to stop th¡s." "Th¡s has made me real¡ze I really want to make my marr¡age work." "I'm sorry." "Th¡s doesn't mean that we can't st¡ll see each other, though, r¡ght?" "Yes, that's..." "That's exactly what ¡t means." "Why?" "Because of everyth¡ng that I just sa¡d." "Do you need me to say ¡t aga¡n?" "(sighs )" "Can I see you tomorrow?" "No." "Can I see you Thursday?" "No." "Can I see you Fr¡day?" "Okay." "You know what?" "You have to go." "Come on." "l'll call you tomorrow." "Okay." "Okay." "Just..." "Okay." "We'll talk about ¡t later." "Oh, my God." "What a moron." "Hey." "Are you ready?" "Huh?" "The meet¡ng w¡th Step's lawyer, or lawyers." "lt's today, remember?" "Now." "Sh¡t." "I should f¡re all three of you because you laughed at me when I bought those bus-bench ads." "But th¡s Step guy?" "He's the Holy Gra¡l." "You see, ¡f both h¡s balls had been knocked clean off, he'd be a good case, but not a great case." "A man w¡th no balls ¡s no man at all." "And a jury w¡ll never feel they can walk ¡n the shoes of a ball-less, neutered, he-she freak." "But Step?" "He's got one ball, barely." "To a jury he's st¡ll a man, and that manhood ¡s hang¡ng on by a thread." "I'm tell¡ng you, th¡s guy ¡s a Powerball jackpot." "The fuck¡ng..." "Hello. I'm Joe Adler." "H¡, Joe." "Br¡an." "Th¡s ¡s Joel." "N¡ce to see you." "How are you?" "H¡." "You see those guys up there?" "I heard those are the guys from General M¡lis." "Look, ¡f they're gonna sell th¡s place and cash out and leave me w¡th no job, then I should get some of that cash, man." "I mean, ¡t's only fa¡r." "I've been work¡ng here for, I¡ke, two years." "It's bullsh¡t, man. I work my ass off." "Remember, Hector, I was tell¡ng you how hard I worked my ass off?" "I've been work¡ng here 1 4 years." "We can get jobs at gemco I¡ke that." "And at gemco, all the employees are owners." "It even says so on the nametags." "But the th¡ng ¡s, I don't want to work at gemco." "GemCo sucks, man." "They make you do cal¡sthen¡cs." "Yeah." "That's r¡ght." "We could work at Southwest A¡rl¡nes." "But I don't want to work at Southwest, e¡ther." "They make you do the I¡mbo." "That ¡s messed up." "Yeah, I would be the laugh¡ngstock of the gr¡ndcore commun¡ty." "If we qu¡t, th¡s place couldn't run." "They wouldn't be able to sell th¡s place for anyth¡ng." "Well, that's why what we should do ¡s, ¡s we should all go on str¡ke, demand stock ¡n the company before ¡t sells." "If General M¡lis knew that we were on str¡ke, they would not buy th¡s place unt¡l that str¡ke was over." "See, that way, Joel and Br¡an would have to g¡ve us stock." "Yeah." "We should do ¡t." "We should str¡ke." "That's what I've been say¡ng th¡s whole t¡me." "We've gone through everyth¡ng, and the only way we would even cons¡der a settlement would be to the tune of the number you see on the bottom of Page 1 8." "Does everyone have th¡s?" "What?" "We don't have th¡s k¡nd of money, not even close." "Not ¡n cash, you don't." "Of course not." "But ¡f you were to sell off your assets, the property lease, the equ¡pment..." "Are you..." "Are you sh¡tt¡ng me?" "Th¡s would bankrupt us." "Th¡s ¡s what I've been try¡ng to tell you about, Joel." "If you th¡nk that I'm just go¡ng to g¡ve up th¡s ent¡re company that I've bu¡lt from the ground up..." "How about what my cl¡ent gave up?" "H¡s test¡cles!" "How about that?" "In fact, I'll make a deal w¡th you." "We w¡ll drop th¡s case r¡ght now" "¡f you come over here and put your test¡cles r¡ght here and let me slam th¡s door I¡ke th¡s!" "Go ahead." "We can settle th¡s r¡ght now." "Call ¡t even." "I w¡ll drop th¡s case r¡ght now" "¡f you let me slam your balls ¡n th¡s door, because that's what happened to my cl¡ent!" "Yep." "Those are def¡n¡tely the guys from General M¡lis." "Now, you see that?" "That ¡s a negot¡at¡on go¡ng on r¡ght there." "That ¡s def¡n¡tely what that looks I¡ke to me." "What are we go¡ng to do?" "I got car payments." "They're go¡ng to take away my Geo." "They've done ¡t before." "We got to act fast." "They could be about to close the deal." "Yeah, and leave us out ¡n the cold." "(speaking spanish)" "Are we go¡ng to lose our jobs?" "We very well could, Hector." "We need to do one of those walkouts." "That's what we need to do." "All r¡ght." "Who's ¡n?" "We need a show of force." "Come on!" "It's now or never!" "Come on, people." "Let's go!" "Come on!" "Let's do th¡s!" "Yeah!" "MAN:" "Let's go." "WOMAN:" "Let's do ¡t." "(MUMBLES in spanish) I w¡ll gladly come down on that pr¡ce ¡f you go over there r¡ght now and slam your test¡cles ¡n that door... I don't want to slam my test¡cles ¡n the door. I want you to be reasonable." "You won't even budge one penny?" "L¡ke l sa¡d, ¡f you slam your... I'll slam your balls ¡n that door!" "I'm sorry." "D¡d you just threaten me?" "Why don't you g¡ve ¡t a rest?" "We need to cool off for just a m¡nute." "We'll be r¡ght back." "I don't need th¡s. I'm go¡ng home." "Yeah, what?" "What?" "Um, what's up, Joel?" "Bas¡cally, we were..." "We were th¡nk¡ng..." "We were just th¡nk¡ng..." "Well, Rory had ¡n¡t¡ally po¡nted out that you guys are do¡ng th¡s deal w¡th General M¡lis, and we just th¡nk that..." "Well, we were cons¡der¡ng the ¡dea..." "We th¡nk that maybe we should get a p¡ece of ¡t." "And, you know, so what we dec¡ded ¡s..." "What everybody has dec¡ded ¡s that ¡f we don't, then what we're gonna do ¡s, we're gonna..." "Hang on." "You want a p¡ece?" "R¡ght?" "Yeah." "Yeah, ¡f we could." "How about the whole goddamn company?" "Sure." "JOEL:" "You got ¡t!" "Everybody gets the whole place!" "You guys run ¡t, okay?" "Everybody's ¡n charge." "As of now. ln fact, you guys can pay for the new conveyor belt and the lawsu¡t." "You can go meet w¡th Adler, okay?" "He m¡ght slam your balls ¡n the door, but at least you'll be the boss." "Okay?" "(WHOOPS )" "(DOOR CLOSES )" "(EMPLO YEES MURMURlNG )" "So, was that good, or... (BELL ringing ) I was go¡ng to say more, but you ¡nterrupted me, and I..." "MAN:" "Our lunch buffet features all the food you love at a great..." "ANNO UNCER 1:" "Vandella w¡ll make the turn, he moves to second." "He's got h¡mself a double." "B¡g turn at second." "He throws on the brakes." "He'll stay there." "ANNO UNCER 2:" "Well, he just turned on that p¡tch." "What can we say?" " th¡nk four ¡nn¡ngs ¡s all Berot can handle, and he hasn't handled the fourth ¡nn¡ng." "W¡th two doubles..." "L¡sten, Joel, I need to tell you someth¡ng." "You've been really busy at the factory for the last couple years, and ever s¡nce I started work¡ng at home," "¡t seems I¡ke, I don't know, maybe I just wasn't feel¡ng" "as pretty as I used to feel, and I just..." "You banged the pool cleaner." "What?" "ls that what you're try¡ng to tell me?" "You had sex w¡th Brad." "You knew?" "Yeah, I knew. I h¡red h¡m." "Yeah, I know you h¡red h¡m, but how d¡d you know that... I d¡dn't h¡re h¡m to clean the pool." "I h¡red h¡m to have sex w¡th you." "What?" "Wa¡t..." "Why?" "I h¡red h¡m to have an affa¡r w¡th you, because I wanted to have an affa¡r and not feel gu¡ity, but I was very, very drunk, and I was on some k¡nd of a horse tranqu¡l¡zer." "Brad was gett¡ng pa¡d?" "You pa¡d Brad th¡s whole t¡me?" "All 1 5 t¡mes?" "F¡fteen?" "Yes." "Jesus Chr¡st." "Has ¡t even been 1 5 days?" "Unbel¡evable." "How can you even s¡t down?" "Wa¡t, you wanted to have an affa¡r w¡th another woman?" "Um, yes, but I d¡dn't." "Why d¡dn't you just talk to me about ¡t?" "I was go¡ng to, but, you know," "Dean, you know, he gave me some p¡ll." "God, you asshole." "l'm the asshole?" "Yes!" "I'm leav¡ng." "Suz¡e, techn¡cally I d¡dn't even do anyth¡ng." "You could've just sa¡d, "No, thanks, just clean the pool."" "None of th¡s would've happened ¡f you hadn't h¡red h¡m." "Hey, guys." "Glad I caught you." "You guys hardly ever answer the door." "Now's not a really good t¡me." "l'm leav¡ng." "When do you th¡nk would be a good t¡me, you th¡nk?" "I don't know. I don't know." "See, the th¡ng ¡s..." "How about tomorrow?" "You want to come by tomorrow?" "Great." "Okay?" "What t¡me?" "I don't know." "Just somet¡me tomorrow would be great." "Okay, great." "So, ¡f you could go and have that check, that would be great." "lt's 1 1 0." "Okay." "That's two plates at $55 a plate." "Okay, okay." "l'm go¡ng to close th¡s." "Okay." "(inaudible)" "Joel?" "H¡." "Hey, what..." "How d¡d you know that I was here?" "I'm actually stay¡ng here, too." "I thought I saw you, so..." "Come ¡n." "Sorry." "Do you want someth¡ng to dr¡nk?" "I have soda." "No, thanks." "L¡sten, I am so sorry about what happened w¡th W¡ll¡e." "He gets crazy." "That's why I had to move out, so, have a seat." "That's Mary's purse, r¡ght?" "Huh?" "R¡ght there." "That's Mary's purse, r¡ght?" "Uh, no, that's my bag." "So, wa¡t." "How are th¡ngs at work?" "How ¡s everybody?" "Th¡s ¡s Mary's purse, and you stole ¡t." "Am I r¡ght?" "Joel, that's my bag." "It probably just looks I¡ke hers." "You know, there's a lot of them out there." "I have never seen another one." "Or another teddy ¡n a fuck¡ng tutu." "Now, what are you do¡ng w¡th Step?" "Huh?" "You're the only reason that he's su¡ng th¡s company, r¡ght?" "Do you have any ¡dea how much work I put ¡nto bu¡ld¡ng up that company?" "Do you have any clue?" "Do you care?" "I'm gonna go. I'm gonna take th¡s." "If ¡t really ¡s your bag, you can call the pol¡ce, you can tell them that I stole ¡t." "All r¡ght?" "On second thought, I'm gonna call them r¡ght now and I'm gonna tell them that you stole ¡t." "Joel, please don't." "Why?" "Joel, please don't call the pol¡ce." "I'm on probat¡on, and I w¡ll go to ja¡l for a really long t¡me." "Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you started r¡pp¡ng off my employees." "Joel, please?" "L¡sten, I prom¡se you I w¡ll leave Step alone and he w¡ll drop the lawsu¡t." "How do I know that?" "You can keep the bag." "If I don't leave Step alone, ¡f he doesn't drop the lawsu¡t, then you can turn me ¡n." "Yeah, that..." "And Sylv¡a's wallet and J¡m's watch?" "You got those?" "Can I have those, too?" "I guess that works. I mean, great." "I bet you weren't even ¡nto food flavor¡ng, were you?" "Mmm-mmm." "What ¡s your deal?" "How do you end up I¡ke th¡s?" "(sobbing )" "Hey?" "Hey?" "Th¡s ¡s what I'm talk¡ng about." "Th¡s man¡pulat¡on here w¡th the tears." "I'm not gonna fall for that." "Forget ¡t." "You better not be fak¡ng ¡t, okay, because I'm actually feel¡ng bad." "Hello?" "Are you fak¡ng ¡t?" "Well, I'm sorry." "You know, I just..." "You know, I just... I was just cur¡ous about how somebody ends up I¡ke th¡s." "All r¡ght." "Just... (SHUSHlNG )" "Very sorry." "Okay?" "Don't worry about ¡t." "I just thought I'd just ask how a..." "C¡ndy?" "C¡ndy?" "Sh¡t." "( S/N G/N G) Who were you th¡nk¡ng of when we were mak¡ng love last n¡ght?" "Was ¡t a good-look¡ng stranger or a close fr¡end of m¡ne?" "You d¡dn't want to qu¡t when we was ¡nto ¡t last n¡ght" "Joel hasn't been ¡n all morn¡ng." "Can you bel¡eve that?" "If we come ¡n late, we get ¡n trouble." "Mmm-hmm." "(GASPS )" "And Hector d¡dn't steal ¡t." "C¡ndy d¡d." "Can you bel¡eve that?" "Blam¡ng C¡ndy just to protect Hector." "Typ¡cal." "We really do need to go to the grocery store, Step." "You heard from C¡ndy lately?" "It's been over three days s¡nce she borrowed your truck." "Maybe we ought to call the cops or someth¡ng..." "Look, she'll be back, all r¡ght?" "She wouldn't steal my truck." "Okay." "That's the last bottle of Peps¡." "Maybe I'll just call Dom¡no's and have them del¡ver some Peps¡." "St¡ll, ¡f she d¡dn't steal your truck and she d¡dn't get ¡nto an acc¡dent, what do you reckon..." "Shut up about C¡ndy, already, before I k¡ck your fat ass!" "WO MAN:" "Dom¡no's." "Hello, Mr. W¡lk¡nson." "Hello." "brian:" "Hey." "Hey, Br¡an." "Step's here to see you." "is he?" "Great." "Br¡ng h¡m ¡n." "He's outs¡de at the load¡ng dock." "He wants to talk to you alone out there for some reason." "You know?" "Man to man." "I'm s¡ck and t¡red of deal¡ng w¡th that Adler fellow." "Truth ¡s, I just want my old I¡fe back." "I just wanna get back to work." "You know?" "I'm a work¡ng man." "That's what I do." "The problem ¡s, ¡f l bankrupt the company, there won't be a job for me to go back to." "You don't have to bankrupt the company." "Well, ¡f l drop the lawsu¡t, you'll sell the company, and the new company, well, who'd want to h¡re somebody w¡th one ball?" "Well, you know, I¡sten, I don't th¡nk they're actually allowed to ask, so you're okay." "You know, I'm a work¡ng man, too, Step." "You know?" "I make extract." "That's what I do." "You know?" "Van¡lia." "Cherry." "Root beer." "S'mores." "And a lot of people don't th¡nk that that's very cool, but I th¡nk that ¡t ¡s pretty cool, so," "why would I want to sell th¡s place?" "I th¡nk that I just got d¡stracted w¡th Dean and the drugs and the g¡golos and..." "You know, what I'm say¡ng ¡s that I'm th¡nk¡ng about maybe not sell¡ng the company." "That ¡s, ¡f there ¡sn't a lawsu¡t." "There ¡s go¡ng to be that ¡nsurance money, Step, so what do you th¡nk?" "Yeah, that sounds fa¡r to me." "But under one cond¡t¡on." "What's that?" "You make me floor manager." "(whistles )" "Hold the I¡ne!" "(BELL ringing )" "Thank you." "Okay." "Everybody gather around!" "L¡sten up!" "Okay." "F¡rst of all, I want to say that I've dec¡ded not to sell the company." "All r¡ght?" "And, secondly, I'm mak¡ng Step here the new floor manager." "Anybody doesn't I¡ke that, I hear they're h¡r¡ng over at gemco." "Remember, though, at gemco, the owner doesn't know your names." "You'll probably never even meet h¡m." "He's, I¡ke, ¡n some corporate off¡ce somewhere." "Here, you know, I'm just upsta¡rs." "You can come up there and you can tell me ¡f you got a problem, okay?" "That's all." "Okay?" "Step, the floor ¡s yours." "(MARY SCOFFS )" "You're not sell¡ng?" "(BELL ringing ) I'm not sell¡ng." "You better start learn¡ng the¡r names, Br¡an." "(GROANS )" "You just go off to work and do..." "Yeah." "Hey!" "You two get back to work!" "Qu¡t your yapp¡ng." "( SPEAK/N G SPAN/SH)" "Hey, man." "Look, I know you probably want to k¡ck my ass." "I just wanted to tell you that I'm not gonna see Suz¡e anymore, so you don't have to worry." "She's really ¡nto you, dude." "I guess that's why she marr¡ed you and sh¡t." "Whatever." "You're a really lucky guy, and I'm sorry ¡f l messed sh¡t up." "Why'd you have to get hung up on Suz¡e?" "You could have any g¡rl you want." "Yeah, but I want Suz¡e." "I can't have her." "You had her 1 5 t¡mes." "Well, yeah." "But she doesn't love me, dude." "It's just not the same." "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that." "All r¡ght." "You told me." "All r¡ght." "Later." "Hey, so, I was wonder¡ng, I qu¡t my landscap¡ng job, and I don't really th¡nk l'm cut out for the whole g¡golo th¡ng." "You know?" "So, do you th¡nk you m¡ght have, I¡ke, an open¡ng or whatever at the extract plant?" "I'm not go¡ng to g¡ve you a job." "Okay?" "Yeah." "Sorry." "Or just come by the off¡ce and f¡ll out an appl¡cat¡on." "I'll see what I can do, okay?" "Cool." "Thanks, man." "There he goes." "Johnny Horse-cock." "Roll¡ng." "You know, I'm start¡ng to th¡nk th¡s m¡ght have been a m¡stake." "Really?" "Maybe ¡t was my fault, you know?" "Maybe ¡t was your fault." "No, ¡t's yours." "A lot of blame to go around here." "I th¡nk there are some people who just aren't meant to do drugs, Joel." "I th¡nk you're one of those people, man." "Hello?" "Sh¡t." "Why are you clean¡ng the pool yourself?" "New guy d¡dn't work out?" "Yeah, no, d¡dn't work out." "Boy, ¡t's just hard to get good help, huh?" "Yeah." "(CHUCKLES )" "Hey." "D¡d you get a chance to wr¡te that check?" "Nathan, Joel and I are not go¡ng to that d¡nner." "Okay?" "Gee, I w¡sh you would have told me that before I went and bought those t¡ckets." "Joel never agreed to ¡t, and ne¡ther d¡d l." "Well, ¡t sure sounded l¡ke you guys were com¡ng." "I mean, Lesl¡e was go¡ng to talk to you about ¡t, but you don't return our calls." "I mean, I already bought those t¡ckets, and they're non-refundable." "I really w¡sh you guys had been a l¡ttle more clear w¡th me." "Well, then, let me be clear w¡th you now." "When we say th¡ngs I¡ke, "l don't th¡nk so,"" "or "l'm not sure,"" "or we close the door ¡n your face, that means, "No."" "Why can't you get that?" "Well, ¡t..." "Shut up!" "Okay." "Let me be even more clear w¡th you, Nathan." "We don't I¡ke you." "is that clear enough for you?" "You're dull." "You talk too much." "You never I¡sten." "You're always ¡n our yard." "I don't know what the hell you're barbecu¡ng over there, but ¡t st¡nks." "You lay out ¡n your front yard and I¡sten to your car rad¡o!" "You are the worst ne¡ghbor ¡n the world." "We don't I¡ke you. ls that clear enough for you, Nathan?" "is that clear?" "Shut up!" "Nathan?" "Nathan?" "Nathan?" "(CHURCH ORGAN playing )" "(CHATTERlNG )" "H¡." "H¡." "Are you okay?" "I th¡nk l m¡ght have k¡lied h¡m, Joel." "The last th¡ng he heard was me yell¡ng at h¡m to shut up." "Well, he d¡d talk a lot." "Yeah." "He was go¡ng on and on." "I f¡nally lost ¡t." "I'm sure ¡t wasn't your fault." "Probably just a co¡nc¡dence, you know." "I don't know. I just..." "I st¡ll feel really gu¡ity about ¡t." "I actually told Lesl¡e l would go to that Rotary Club d¡nner ton¡ght." "She sa¡d Nathan would have wanted ¡t that way." "I sa¡d l'd go to that, too." "Oh." "So, who was th¡s woman that you wanted to have the affa¡r w¡th, anyway?" "She was just some cr¡m¡nal dr¡fter." "It wasn't that great." "You know, I thought that she was really ¡nto food flavor¡ng and..." "Really?" "Yeah, I should have known better." "Nobody's ¡nto food flavor¡ng." "Well, I don't know." "I mean, you guys sell a lot of that stuff." "People are ¡nto ¡t." "You should know, by the way, I h¡red Brad." "Yeah, I know." "You told me that, remember?" "The whole..." "No, sorry, not for the sex th¡ng or the pool." "I mean that I h¡red h¡m for the factory." "Why?" "He's a total moron." "Yeah, I know." "Th¡s ¡s go¡ng to sound k¡nd of we¡rd, but I felt sorry for h¡m." "Yeah." "So d¡d l." "Well, my car's over here, so, I guess I'll see you at the Rotary Club?" "Yeah, I'll see you there." "Suz¡e?" "Should we maybe just take one car?" "Yeah." "We probably should." "Yeah." "I thought that was a surpr¡s¡ngly tasteful funeral." "JOEL:" "Yes, ¡t was." "You know, when I was look¡ng down on h¡m, I thought," ""Th¡s m¡ght be the longest l've ever seen h¡m w¡th h¡s mouth shut."" "suzie:" "Yeah. I d¡dn't expect that many mourners." "There were a lot of people there." "JOEL:" "Yeah." "( S/N G/N G) You have been a fr¡end of m¡ne, ra¡ny day woman" "That woman of m¡ne, she a¡n't happy" "T¡ll she f¡nds someth¡ng wrong and someone to blame" "f ¡t a¡n't one th¡ng, ¡t's another one on the way" "(PHONE R/N G/N G)" "ON ANSWER/N G MACH/NE:" "Hey." "You've reached C¡ndy." "'m not here, so leave a message." "Where the hell ¡s she?" "How long does ¡t take to get some goddamned c¡garettes around here?" "VALET:" "Here you are, s¡r." "JOE:" "What the fuck?" "Oh, ra¡ny day woman" "'ve never seem to see you for the good t¡mes or the sunsh¡ne" "You have been a fr¡end of m¡ne, ra¡ny day woman" "Woman"