"You're taking birth control pills?" "I'm not, no." "I found them in Julia's study." "This is an absolute proof that Julia is having an affair ***." "When I think of them together, my hand turns into fist." "You also remember the woman I mentioned to you, Malini?" "Did things end badly?" "She threw herself from the bridge and drowned." "I think Julia and Arun, the intimacy with which they relay reminds you of your own intimacy with Malini." "That may be one of the reasons why you feel so conflicted in your relationship to your daughter in law." "It may be, but... maybe." "1000 dead, another estimated 200,000 displaced from their homes in what the governor of west bengal is calling one of the most devastating monsoons to hit the east coast..." "Aid has been slow to arrive, as most of the local roads are flooded." "Indian prime minister..." "You know, I have to admit" "I was a little bit worried the last time at the end of our session." "Things are no better, Paul." "In fact they are worse." "Why?" "Has something..." "has something happened?" "Monsoons have flooded the region where my parents were raised..." "Entire village underwater." "Well, I..." "I had no idea." "I'm so sorry to hear that." "How would you have any idea?" "Because floods have scarcely made the news here." "Everything is about the New York Knicks." "Who is this player..." "Amare Stoudemire?" "I'm searching to hear of the disaster in India and all they want to talk about is this basketball player, as if he's a superhero and he's going to save the world now." "Now I'm all the time searching for news on the b.B.C. Channel or on this radio with this terrible reception." "And..." "These pictures..." "they stay in my mind." "And... and I'm having difficulty to sleep." "So when you do manage to sleep, are you having any more of these disturbing dreams?" "I keep seeing the same image..." "You know, a boy, perhaps three or four." "He's clinging to an automobile tire, and his head barely above water and his eyes, you know..." "they are pleading." "This is in the dream?" "No no, this is real." "It was on the news..." "B.B.C. News." "I wanted to pass through the television and rescue that poor child." "People are traveling from other areas to help." "And I'm trapped in Brooklyn, useless, locked away like a prisoner." "So is that what you feel like... like a prisoner in your son's home?" "My son is gone." "He's been gone for three days, attending a medical conference in St. Louis." "Before he left we watched the early reports together." "He pointed to the television and said," ""oh baba, I'm glad that you are not there."" "Hmm." "I feel like" "I'm outside of my life." "I feel like a..." "like a stranger." "A prisoner, a stranger." "I cannot stop myself from watching." "I cannot change how I feel." "I just wonder if there aren't other things that you might be able to change." "Other things, meaning what?" "Look, Sunil, things can't go on as they are." "What about the possibility of your moving from your son's home?" "I know you can't go back to Calcutta... you told me that... but finding someplace else to live." "And where..." "Where, please tell me, would that be?" "Your own apartment?" "Okay." "And... and who would pay..." "pay for this?" "You could get a job." "Like selling printer cartridges at best buy or standing behind a kebab wagon?" "I cannot do that, Paul." "I will not." "I'm not suggesting that you..." "But you're just wasting your time, Paul." "See, I'm as helpless to change my surroundings as those people in my country who are unable to save their houses from floodwaters." "I know you are a hopeful man, my friend." "You like to think that you can..." "You can fix everything." "I think that you have to talk with your son." "No, just... just hear me out on this." "You're not happy where you are." "And it's pretty obvious that having you in their home hasn't been easy for them either." "Yet you've never spoken to your son about this." "You've never expressed to him directly what you feel or what it is exactly that you want." "I didn't understand that." "I said that you are wasting my time too." "I know, I know it can be difficult to talk to family, your children, in a completely honest way because you risk a painful conversation." "This is just a strategy, yes... to tell me you know how I feel?" "No no, it's not a strategy." "Look, Sunil, I have kids myself." "I know what this is like... to sometimes want to put off difficult discussions." "But you don't know my son, Paul." "You have no idea." "I'm telling you with certainty there's nothing to be gained... absolutely nothing." "You're so convinced that he's not gonna help you." "How can you know that for sure?" "Because I've already spoken to him the night before he left." "I was thinking of you, Paul..." "How you encourage me to express myself." "So I told him the truth." "I told him that seeing the images made me certain and I need to return." "Here I'm useless." "I'm only in the way here, to let me go." "And what did he say to that?" "He told me that he would never let me go back to Calcutta, he had made a promise, and he could never betray his mother." "He also told me that..." ""why do you want to make a fool of yourself?" "What will you do back in India, in all that water, jobless?"" "Then he said, "Julia will send a check to the red cross in your name,"" "and that they would buy me a queen-sized mattress from Macy's departmental store." "Later that night I overheard them talking in the kitchen." "Julia was saying, "oh, if he wants to go, let him go."" "And she said she was not comfortable staying with me alone in the house." "And what did Arun say to that?" "He told Julia that she was being dramatic and ridiculous and that he felt better having a man there to protect her and the children while he was away." "Then Julia called me unstable, this word "unstable"... like an old fruit wagon with loose wheels." "To be called this word..." "I held a position of mathematics professor for 28 years." "I was married to Kamala for 30 years." "Is this a profile of someone who is unstable?" "If anything, she is unstable..." "Julia." "She has been behaving like a madperson... madperson since Arun went away." "How do you mean, she's behaving like a madperson?" "What is she doing?" "She's continuing her adventures with Mr. Ethan Barr..." "the pale fox." "On Saturday night they went out, leaving Naya with an upset stomach." "And you were watching the children?" "No no, I'm not allowed." "She would not allow that." "Liza the nanny..." "She stayed late." "Uh-huh." "He actually came up to the door to pick her up." "So you met him?" "Yeah, he is not quite as handsome as he appears on the jacket cover." "And did you speak to him?" "Did he...?" "We shook hands." "He's young, more modest than I thought." "I congratulated him on his success." "Then he said something which surprised me." "He said that..." ""I have heard quite a lot about you."" "When they walked down the stairs they looked back at me and they laughed." "You thought they were laughing at you?" "Please, Paul, you must trust me." "If you had seen for yourself, you could not doubt me this time... not this time." "My son said he wanted me there to protect her, but I felt quite the opposite." "I wished to smother her laughing." "To..." "Let me get this straight..." "To smother the sound of her laughter or to smother her?" "They were laughing at me, Paul." "Yeah, I understand..." "No, you don't understand." "They were humiliating me." "See, now look at your face." "I have alarmed you now." "Yes actually, because the words that you're using are..." "I'm trying to share with you how their laughter disturbed me." "I'm trying to express myself, as you say." " You understand this, yes?" " I think so, yes." "Good." "Because it only grew worse." "At 1:00" "I heard talking in front of the building." "My window faces the street." "I saw Julia and Ethan barr." "He escorted her up the steps and then... and then kissed her goodnight." "What do you make of this?" "Well, it depends what kind of a kiss it was." "A kiss is a kiss." "Don't you think I know what a kiss looks like?" "Well, was it on the lips?" "No no, it was on the cheek." "Well, that's not really an uncommon thing for people in America to do when they're saying goodbye." "I know, I know." "You will think what you want to think." "Anyway, after he kissed her," "Julia carefully lifted her hand to a spot below his eye and then gently drew the back of her curled fingers down his cheek." "Julia never touches my son's face in this manner." "How much proof do you need, Paul?" "Last week I brought you solid evidence..." "Her birth control pills..." "and you still want more." "Is this not enough?" "Not necessarily." "It's not acceptable, Paul." "She is disgracing my family." "After I witnessed the kiss," "I could not move from the window." "I could hear her down on the second floor, preparing her bed." "And I thought I heard her lock her bedroom door." "She did not even come upstairs to check on Naya." "And then I wanted to go to sleep, but I could not stop myself thinking of Julia lying on her bed, who she was thinking of." "I think it all would be better if she ran off with Mr. pale fox or she simply disappears." "Disappears?" "What do you..." "What do you mean by that... disappears?" "I have to say that some of the words that you've used today, Sunil..." "I really want to understand what it is that you are trying to say to me." "If your feelings are as extreme as I'm hearing them today..." "You asked me whether I had more disturbing dreams." "I have had one again." " The same one?" " No, a different one." "It was quite troubling." "Do you want to tell me about it?" "Yeah." "Perhaps it will help you to make sense of my feelings." "I hope so." "I saw my son Arun lying on the street in front of the house." "And he was unconscious." "The children were inside, looking out the window." "They were afraid." "Beyond the street there was a forest of thick black trees." "And a woman with long dark hair came walking out of the forest." "She wore a long white gown, bright as the moon." "And I was standing over my son." "And as the woman started walking towards the house," "I was trying to hold my son's arm." "And I pulled it and it broke cleanly off like a piece of old plaster." "So I was thinking that I should use this arm to protect the children." "To protect the children from this woman?" "Now the arm was quite heavy, dense." "I could hurt this woman very much." "And..." "I woke up as I was about to strike her." "So you were going to strike this woman to protect your grandchildren?" "I'm quite confused by this woman." "Who do you think she could be?" "Well, sometimes it's not so much the physical similarity as the feeling." "Do you think it could be Julia?" "No, she had dark hair." "It was dark, black as onyx." "And Julia's hair is yellow." "Perhaps it was Julia in disguise." "Is that how you see Julia..." "in disguise?" "Do you see her as a threat?" "She has a secret life." "The woman was most definitely not Kamala." "What makes you so sure of that?" "Because I would never think of harming my wife." "Do you feel that you could harm Julia?" "The thing I found strange was that I could not make out the details of the woman's face even when she drew very close." "You know, I started to grip my son's arm with great force." "I could feel the blood pulsing into my hands." "And she was so close that I could almost smell the flower she wore in her hair, but I could not see her face." "The flower in her hair like in the El Greco painting?" "Sorry?" "That's the painting you mentioned when you first spoke of Malini." "What do you mean?" "Well, you've just spoken about her death after 32 years of silence." "It's not surprising that some form of her... even the slightest gesture or detail... might show up in your dream." "Like a rabbit in a hat?" "Bong!" "Oh, there she is." "You said that you felt you had this need to protect your grandchildren." "You said you felt the blood rushing into your hands and that you were prepared to harm this woman." "See, Paul, I no longer wish to discuss this dream." "Okay." "Can I ask you why?" "Because I cannot see the point of this exercise." "But I'm confused." "A moment ago you asked me to help you understand these nightmares that you're having, to help you make sense of the feelings that you're having." "So that's what I'd like to do." "For instance, this woman coming from the forest..." "It's clear that she has a big effect on you." "Do you... you disagree with that?" "See, the image of you removing your son's arm..." "Well, sometimes there's something primal or animalistic that dreams allow us to express that our conscious mind is..." "A man can only be pushed so far." "I have decided it was not Malini in my dream." "And it upsets me very much for you to suggest this." "I..." "I..." "I would never ever think of harming Malini." "Why would you think I would assume you'd hurt Malini?" "Okay, we don't have to talk about that now." "I don't understand what you're saying." "You have no idea what my life has been." "But I want to understand." "I want to know." "Can I ask you what you did when you woke up from the dream?" "I checked on the children." "They were fine, sleeping." "I then went down to Julia's room." "I could not resist." "I wanted to check to see if her door was in fact locked." "And?" "It was." "What would you have done if her door wasn't locked?" "Her door would not open, and this is all that matters." "No, but I'm asking you, what would you have done if the door had been open?" "I thought of calling you." "Why didn't you?" "It was the middle of the night." "And things felt out of balance." "Then I went upstairs to my room and I wrote to Kamala." "Can I ask you what you wrote?" "I really did consider calling you." "The next time I want you to do that." "Okay?" "Yeah, perhaps." "Sunil, there's so much going on in your life at the moment:" "You've lost your wife." "You've started to talk about a love affair that ended in tragedy." "You're worried about your son." "You're worried about your grandchildren." "You have these conflicted ideas about your daughter-in-law." "You're anxious about the floods in your homeland..." "in India." "I'm concerned about you, Sunil... that with all of these intense feelings coming to the surface" "I understand how difficult it could be for you to stay in control." "And I..." "I want to suggest that you consider coming here a little more often, maybe twice a week." "You think I'm going crazy?" "No no no no, you're not..." "you're not crazy," "I assure you." "I have patients who come to see me two-three times a week, but it doesn't mean they're crazy." "It's just that they can benefit from working more on themselves, going deeper with therapy." "Julia and Arun... they have done enough for me." "And I would prefer not to ask anything more than this." "Well, would you like me to talk to them for you?" "No no, please." "I would not prefer that." "Do you pray, Paul?" "Do I... do I pray?" "Yes." "Sometimes, yes." "Then please pray." "For what?" "For the rains to stop in India."