"The paediatrician's number's by the phone." "The teething biscuits are on the counter." "I left two bottles of milk in the fridge and five more in the freezer." " You must be proud." " I kinda am." "I'm sorry." "I'm proud." "Are you sure you guys are gonna be OK today?" "Honey, believe it or not, I know what I'm doing." "Have fun." "Go to your cooking zoo." " It's a food show." " Whatever." "Have a good time." "You've earned it." "Bye, baby girl." "Be good to your daddy." " Bye." " Bye." "I feel guilty leaving her with you all day." "Honey, it's OK." "We'll be fine." "What?" "You never really thought you'd have a wife and a kid, did you?" "I never thought I'd be a funeral director either." " Love you." " We love you." "Go." "Well, what do you wanna do today?" "We could fill some things up, dump them out." "Maybe then we can poop." "What do you say?" "Arthur, you wrote this music?" " You actually wrote it yourself?" " Not exactly." "You are so multifaceted." "Not really." "It's just a theme by Debussy." "But I've developed it somewhat, put a drumbeat underneath it." "Just for fun." "It's nothing much." "Arthur, that's amazing." "It's nothing, really." "Anybody could do it." "No, it really is." "You're a very talented young man." "Where's the button to make it play again?" "I love that little tune." "It's so haunting." " Actually, Ruth, I need to get going." " So soon?" " I thought I might take a run this morning." " I didn't know you ran, Arthur." "I haven't ever before, actually." "But I thought I might give it a try." "I seem to have gained some weight lately." " But you look fine." " Thank you." "People and their weight nowadays, it's such a strange fascination." "I see you all the time round the house and you look fine, just fine." " Thank you." " Well, I..." " Where are you going to run?" " Pardon me?" " Where are you going to run?" " Pan Pacific Park." "Pan Pacific Park?" "By the tar pits?" "Yes." "They have a little path there, for running." "Well, that's perfect for you, then." "Good." "Well, have fun." "And thank you for sharing your music with me, Arthur." "It's very rhythmic." "OK, so long." "Fuck." "Listen, Lise, I got some bad news." "Brenda's dad died." " What?" " Brenda's father died." " Shit." " Yeah." "Would it be OK with you if I went to the..." "Can you make any more noise?" "I can still hear myself think." " Funny." " What?" "Would it be OK with you if I went to his funeral?" "Of course." "She was there with me when my father died." "It feels like I should check in with her." "Then go, you totally should." " Are you sure?" " Yeah." " OK." " You'll leave Maya with your mom?" "I'll figure it out." "Tell her not to give her any more cheese." "She's already constipated." "Tell her to go easy on the Nuk." "I don't want her to get buck teeth." " I love you." " Love you too." " You having fun?" " Not yet." " Bye-bye." " Bye." " Brenda's dad died?" " Yeah." " That sucks." " Yeah." "The funeral's up in Malibu in a few hours." " Where's Mom?" " I don't know." "She just left." "Said she needed a new gardening hat." "She seemed kind of weird." " How can you tell when Mom's weird?" " Good point." "Can you watch Maya for me today?" "20 bucks." " I can't." " Why not?" "Russell and I are going to the art store." " Claire." " Nate." "This isn't The Matrix." "The rest of us who don't have babies, we're real." ""Watch my baby, watch my baby." Jesus Christ." "Fuck." "Fuck." " What's the matter?" " Nothing." "I thought I could drop Maya off with Todd and Dana's nanny, but I guess not." " You should give Vanessa a call." " Vanessa?" "Yeah, she's at home with the boys today." " She'd be OK with it?" " Of course, she loves babies." "I'd be a couple of hours." "I'd drop her off, pick her up." " Do it." " All right, thanks." "You'll have to pay her." " Well, sure." " Great." "Keith, tell me you're not really planning on wearing that." " What's the matter with it?" " It covers up all your good big... parts." " My good big parts?" " Yeah." "Take that thing off and go put on something better." "Maybe your silver DKNY T-shirt." "Is this a brunch or a fashion show?" "I want everybody to be jealous of my beautiful boyfriend." "OK?" "I have two things going for me in this world and you're one of them." " What's the other one?" " All right, one." "You knew that sweatshirt was a bad idea when you put it on." " I guess." " You're so wilful sometimes." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "We could just skip the brunch, stay here." "I could be wilful all afternoon." "You make a very strong case." "But I really want a mimosa." "I'm sorry." "Your loss." "Up we go." " Hi." " Hi." "Hey." "It's so cool you're leaving the baby for a while." " You sure it's all right?" " It's perfect." "It breaks up the day." " What's that smell?" " That's pudding." "I tried to make rice pudding but the milk was weird." " Come on in." " Thanks." "The place is a total mess." "I was just starting to clean when you called." "It's so hard to pick up with two kids." " Yeah, I can imagine." " I don't think you can." "I know it seems having two kids would just be twice as hard, but it's like three times or four times as much to do." "I don't know how that is, the math, but somehow it all adds up." " Of course." " Yeah." "You're lucky, you just have one." "Lisa's such a good mom." "I bet she does everything right." "She's... good, yeah." "Yeah." "I get so tired sometimes, I could almost cry." "Whatever happened to Barney?" "When it was just Barney, things were simpler then." "Let me just go put this stuff down and then I'll take her off your hands, OK?" "Man, I could so go totally broke in this place." "Every time I come here I feel like Augustus Gloop in the chocolate room." " You know who I'm talking about?" " Yeah." "When I was a kid those Oompa Loompas used to freak me out." "My mom always made us watch it and we cried every time." "It was like she didn't even care." " Parents are freaks." " Word." "I felt so bad for Charlie." "He's so poor." "It's a fucking nightmare." " Wow." " What?" "It's cobalt blue." "Just think, this is the natural part of the earth that's this colour blue." " Like Olivier said." " Yeah." "It's an element." "You add oil to it and make pictures with it." "Like cave people." "I love it." " You should buy it." " Yeah, right." "I'm not even really a painter." "I'm not gonna spend..." "What, 50 bucks?" "It's a little tube of paint." "If I'm gonna paint I'll buy the cheap five-dollar shit." " You should get it." " No way." " Get it." " No." " I'll get it for you." " No, I don't need it." "Come on." " Get it." " No." "OK." "Jesus." "Sorry." "What are you doing back here?" "To tell you the truth, I don't really know." "What's up with Vanessa?" " Nothing." " You're sure?" "Yeah." "She's been down in the dumps since her mom died, but other than that, why?" "I don't know, Rico." "I got there and..." "I don't know how to put this." "She had this really intense energy going on and there's no way I could have left Maya." "You didn't feel safe leaving Maya at my house?" " That's not what I'm saying." " What are you trying to say?" " Hello, gentlemen." " Look who decided to come back to work." "Do you need someone to watch Maya today?" "Cos I love infants." "They smell so sweet." "No, Arthur, I'm OK." " I'm gonna take her with me, but thanks." " Never hesitate to ask." "I used to watch my cousins all the time and they were Mormons." " Mormons?" " Yeah." "OK, I'm gonna wash up and get to work." " Rico, I'm sorry..." " No need to apologise, Nate." "I was just trying to do you a favour." "Well, thanks." "No, thank you." "So let it be said of me when I am gone," ""He lived by the light of the ten thousand things." ""His heart with starry sparks was thus sustained" ""And love and meaning passed through him and fled." ""To carry joy from dark to dark was joy enough for him." ""The man is dead."" "I just have some pictures." "This first one is of Dad and me in the back yard... standing next to my hole to China." "I was five years old, trying to dig a hole to China." "He never, ever told me I couldn't actually get to China." "He just kept digging with me until I got bored." "It was a good day." "The second one is of the whole family with Dad at the APA conference in 1984." "They gave him an award and he got up there and made all these jokes about Jimmy Carter needing Adlerian therapy." "I didn't get the jokes." "I was proud of him that night." "Proud that he was my dad." "This last one..." "Come on, Billy." "It's just a really good picture." "Oh, my God." "Hey." "Welcome to my humble abode-a-lair." " Neat." " Sorry we're late." "Fuck that." "Your timing is perfect." " Keith, it's great to meet you." " Thanks for having us over." "You kidding?" "The pleasure's all mine." "Everybody, it's David and Keith." "So come on in." "Grab a mimosa, have some quiche." "The quiche is in quotes." "I'm not a total idiot." "Whatever you do, don't look Trixie in the eye." " Who's Trixie?" " My little pooper dog." "You are my little pooper, aren't you?" "Don't look her in the eye." "She'll freak out and poop." "We're talking spraying poop." "Seriously, don't even look at her." "You got it." "By the way, we're playing Leading Ladies." "That's the plan." " He just put something on my back." " No, it's a game." "Leading Ladies." "Everybody is a leading lady." "You have to figure out who you are by asking questions." ""Am I this?" "Am I that?"" "Come on." "You can decide to have a rotten time or decide to have fun." "You sound like a camp counsellor." "All right, I'll have fun." "Let me see who you are." "Oh, that's good." "I hope that poem was satisfactory, Margaret." "I seem to remember Bern liking it." "And I seem to remember Bern thinking you were an absolute asshole." "Mom, chill." "Billy, your Uncle Marv is here for his own complicated reasons." "He deserves to have his own complicated experience." "Thank you, Marv." "It was a perfect poem." "You did your duty." "You can now get the fuck out of here." " Brenda." " See you." "Billy." "He never forgave your father for being a success." "Or giving up Hanukah." " Nate." " Hey, Margaret." "So sorry to hear about Bern." "Don't give me that funeral home shit." "Come on, now." " Did Brenda call you?" " No, I read it in the paper." "You just came here under your own steam?" " Yeah, I guess so." " That's so strange." " Hey, Billy." " Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "We're going to be at the condo later." "Just the family." "Just a little dinner." "Right, Billy?" "Yes, Mother, it's all taken care of." "Tragedy." "It's the one thing our children are really good at." " I mean, my children." " It's OK, Mom." " So can you join us?" " Thanks, but I need to get back to the house." " You can stick around for a little bit?" " Yeah, sure." "Let's go round here." " Don't be..." " I won't." "Arthur, hi." "Hi, Ruth." "Did you have a good time stalking me?" " What are you talking about?" " Please." "If you like following people so much, why don't you join the CIA?" "Or the Moonies?" "Or why don't you go to the actual fucking moon and mind your own moon business?" "You freak!" "Hi, Ruth." "Did you have a good morning?" "Yes, Arthur, thank you." "It was wonderful." "Thank you so much for asking." "I'll be right back." "I have to go upstairs." "My hair feels funny." "OK." "Bye." " Keith seems like a lot of laughs." " Stop." "He's just a little out of his element." "Completely." "I love that he even came." "It's so not his type of thing." "What's his type of thing?" "I don't know." "He likes to cook and work out." "He loves old movies." "He's probably doing very well." " Tell me, am I a black widow?" " I don't know." " Am I known for my figure or my face?" " Turn around, let me see the sticker." "I don't know." " Am I an Oscar-winner?" " I don't know." " Am I blonde?" " I don't know." " Are you really gay?" " Yeah, I'm really gay." "Linda, goddammit, don't look Trixie in the eye." "Put that dog down." "Hey." " Baby's first funeral?" " Hardly." "Yeah, I guess not." "How you holding up?" "Let's not talk about me or my dead father." "For 30 seconds, anyway." "OK." "What do you wanna talk about?" "Tell me something about Maya." "She's beautiful." "Aren't you?" "She discovered the telephone the other day." " It's become her favourite new toy." " Yeah?" "Yeah." "She accidentally speed-dialled my neurologist's office yesterday." "They thought there was a stroke victim on the end of the line." "I can't believe you came." "Of course I came." " Hey, Vanessa?" " Yeah?" "I just talked to Nate and he told me he came by." " Yeah, he did." " What happened?" "I don't know." "Don't tell him I said this, baby, but he seemed kind of out of it." "You sure nothing else was wrong?" "Rico, remember how paranoid we were the first year with Julio?" "We wouldn't leave him with anybody." "Maybe that's how new parents are." "So..." "So you feeling OK?" " Yeah, I feel fine." " You sure?" "Yeah, Rico, just come home." "The kids are just bouncing off the walls." " All right, I'll come soon." " OK." " OK, bye-bye." " Bye." "It was three months from the day the doctor told him he had it till the day he died." "Three months." "Stomach cancer's fast." "Gastric cancer's the technical term." "It was everywhere." "All up and down his alimentary canal." "It was fun learning all the jargon." "I know what you mean." "I never knew I had a medulla oblongata." "Now I could draw it for you." "Along with everything else in my head." "Do you have a scar?" "Is that a rhetorical question?" "Can I see it?" "Sure." "Wow." "Bren, it's OK." " I'm OK." " Yeah, I know." "I'm at my father's funeral." "I'm emotional." "You know this is the place where we were supposed to be married?" "I know." "Has every leading lady found herself yet?" "I'm Kristy McNichol, but I think that's always been painfully obvious." " I'm Madonna." " Of course." " Barbara Stanwyck." " Louise Fletcher." " Keith doesn't know who he is." " Really?" " Shit." " Get over here." "Get over here." " This'll be fun." " About face." "That's a good one." "Go ahead and ask us all the questions you want." "We're here to help." " Am I dead or alive?" " You're alive." "I think." " Am I blonde or brunette?" " Brunette." "You were blonde, but it was wrong." "Keith, we saw her at Chalet Gourmet with Ben Stiller." "I remember Ben Stiller." "You know this." "He knows this." "Remember when we walked out on Timecode?" " Yeah?" " She was in that." " Mickey Blue Eyes." " Basic Instinct." " Waterworld." " Yes, Waterworld." "Waterworld." "I have no idea." "If the man doesn't know, he doesn't know." "Jeanne Tripplehorn." "Who wants a margarita?" "It's a stupid game anyway." " Watching him die..." " Yeah?" "It was like watching somebody get washed out to sea, only they're sitting right there in bed." "A wave comes, takes them a little away." "Another wave comes, takes them a little away." "Every wave is a day." "Little by little, off they..." "Off they go." "Can I tell you something?" "Sure." "I don't wanna put you in a weird position." "I'm already in a weird position." "I've lived my whole life in a weird position." "I've missed you." "Through this." "I've missed you too." "It's not like I don't know how much being with you changed me." "How much you woke me up as a person." "I wouldn't be where I am today if I'd never met you." "I certainly wouldn't floss every day." " Are you keeping up with that?" " After every meal." "It changed me too." "Yeah, how so?" "You're the first person I've lost where it really cost me something." "That's why I haven't been with anyone since." " Nobody?" " It's too scary." "The thought of screwing it all up again." " You'll find somebody." " That is so not the answer." " You know what I think?" " About what?" " I don't know." "Life." " What?" "I think it's all about timing." "I think timing is everything." "I think you might be right." " What's in here?" " Just open it." "Am I forgetting some weird anniversary or something?" "Like our 17-week anniversary or something like that?" "My God." "You're such a freak." " When did you even get this?" " Magic." "What am I even gonna do with this, you dumbass?" "It cost 50 bucks." "I don't care what you do with it." "I just wanted you to have it." "I have a theory that every now and then a person should get what they want, when they want it." " Keeps you optimistic." " It's a good theory." "But I've never been optimistic." "Maybe it's time to start." "It's a lot of money, though, Russell." "So what?" "Money only fucks up art anyway, right?" "I'd rather be poor and see you happy." "What?" "Nothing." "I have to be careful now, right?" "No." " No." " Yes, I do." "I have to be careful I don't get too used to this." "Go ahead." "Get used to it." "I dare you." "Do you ever talk to Olivier about us?" "No." "Do you?" "No." "Why not?" "No reason." "I guess I just want there to be certain things that are just ours." "This is just ours." "Cool." "Thank you for the paint." "Any time." " You're really good." " Thank you." "Hello, dear." "We're having a little singalong." " I can see that." " Arthur's really quite talented." "He writes his own computerised music and plays the old songs too." " That's great." " Isn't it?" "So unexpected." "Arthur runs too." "You two should run together." "Maybe we will sometime." "He played as an accompanist for a ballet company." "Mom, I'm gonna head home." "I'm just checking in." " Claire said you seemed out of it this morning." " No, I'm wonderful." "But thank you for being concerned." " How was the funeral?" " It was OK." "That poor girl's family has gone through so much." "I know." "Life comes and gets you, doesn't it?" "It certainly does." "Good night, baby." "I'll see you later." "Arthur, from now on, don't go running or whatever before you find out from Rico what he needs done for the day, OK?" " I hope it wasn't a problem." " No, it wasn't." " Just keep in touch with him." " I will." " Thanks." " Bye." "Are you ready to get out of here?" " Not really." " OK, then I'm gonna go." "Keith, we can leave." "Or I can stay if it's just a little while longer." "It's gonna be another few hours." "These guys take their brunches very seriously." " Then I'm gonna go." " No, I'll go now too." "No, it doesn't have to be that way." "Really, David, I'll just go." " Seriously?" " Yeah, I've got things to do." "Stay, have fun." "You can get a ride with Peter, right?" " Patrick." " Right." "Sure, I guess." " You're still peeing." " Yeah, I know." "I had seven mimosas and way too much coffee." " See you back home." " OK." "Hey, we missed you." "How was the food show?" "It was amazing." "You could taste all kinds of truffles." " Like chocolate?" " No, the mushroom things." "They were two bucks for a paper-thin slice." "They were so good." "They tasted like chocolate and mushrooms and soy sauce and everything all at once." " It was amazing." " Sounds like it." "Dana was stalked by this guy trying to sell her a smoothie franchise." "He followed us round for an hour with his little tray of smoothie flavours." "Dana finally had to kind of hit him." "How was your day?" "It was OK." "I ended up just taking Maya with me to the funeral." "It all worked out." " You took Maya?" " Yeah." "To see Brenda?" "No." "Brenda was there, but I took Maya because I couldn't find anyone." "Nate, I would have come home and taken care of her myself if I knew you were gonna do that." "Why?" "Did Brenda hold Maya?" "No, she was sleeping practically the whole time." " Did she look at her?" " Well, yeah." "Did she touch her?" " I guess, yeah." " God." " You swear she didn't hold her?" " Yes, I swear." "Would it have mattered if she did?" "Do you care about me at all?" "You and Maya are the most important things in my life." "Don't let your old girlfriends hold our baby." " I didn't, so what's the problem?" " It's not that complicated, Nate." "Anyone who knows other people exist would have figured it out." "You think I'm still in love with Brenda?" "I'm not." " You went to her father's funeral." " After checking with you." "You said it was OK." "Why do you spend time with her?" "Why can't you let her go?" " Whatever Brenda and I had, it's over." " Bullshit." "It doesn't take anything away from what we have." "That's bullshit." "After you spend time with her, you're different." " How am I different?" " You're more like you used to be." "I wish you were more fucking like you used to be." " I haven't changed at all." " You used to have a life." "You had friends, a job." "You didn't focus on what's wrong with me and how I'm constantly disappointing you." "I'm gonna take a walk." "I brought this for you." " What is it?" " A truffle." " Lise, come on." " Give me some goddamn space." "OK." "It's weird." "That's the man who gave us life, who influenced us more than any other man ever did or probably ever will, and now he's just dirt in a jar." "I hated him for so long." "He did the best he could." "We all did." " Hey, Daddy." " Bren." "Wow." "This is what Nate faces every day." "I suppose now we have to do something with your father's goddamn ashes." "It is kind of traditional." "I can't face that." "Not yet." "You don't have to." "He's in no hurry." "You know, you've never felt so much like my children before." "Having your father around always took the edge off that sensation, I think." "But I look at you both now and you're both so mine." "Thanks." "When you were little children, Bren, you used to start everything you said to us with an "and" or a "but"." "You'd say, "And, Mom, can we go to the store?"" "Or, "But, Dad, when we were talking before, you said..."" "You always started with a conjunction like that." "And then, Billy, when you started talking, you did the same thing." "He learned that from you, Bren." "Your father used to say living with you two was like listening to the longest sentence in the history of the universe." "And now there's no one to hear it but me." "Dear Carl and Cameron, greetings from Cousin Arthur." "A baby-sitting opportunity passed me by today and left me thinking of you two fellows." "I hope you're enjoying spreading the gospel in Kansas City." "My internship is coming along swimmingly." "There's a dear, charming woman here at the funeral home who is very kind and attentive." "Well, I suppose that's all there is." "PS." "Keeping in touch would be a lot easier if you got an email account." " Vanessa?" " Yeah." "I was just thinking, maybe it's time for you to see a doctor or something." " You know, get some medicine." " For what?" "For..." "I don't know." "Your mood?" "My mood is exactly how it ought to be, Rico." "When your mother dies, you're allowed to be upset about it." " For how long?" " For however long it takes." "Listen." "Julio's parent-teacher conference is Monday at four." " Can you make it?" " I'm just worried about you." "You know that, right?" "I'm just trying to let you know that I'm here for you." "Will you be able to make it?" "If you can't, I can cancel it or change it or something." " I'll be there." " Thank you." "You don't have to worry about Bren." "I'm not worried about her." "You don't have to worry about Bren." " No?" " No." "You've found your happiness, Nate." "She'll find hers." "It's just a matter of time." "What if I haven't found mine?" "English"