"(theme music playing)" "(Hebrew pop music playing)" "(music continues)" "This fuckin' music is driving me crazy." "(cell phone ringing)" "Oh, God, it's the president." "Mr. President, before you say anything," " I just want you to know..." " Walter, you'd better have a time machine, because I want you back here yesterday." "From now on, Pierce is point person on Pakistan." "Is that clear?" "Mr. President, Raja is just testing us." "He just needs proof that we're still behind him." "The only reason to get behind Raja at this point is to shoot that son of a bitch in the head." "If I can just get a location on Raja..." "Walter, I want you back on a plane to DC now." "Ye... yes, Mr. President." "I've had enough." "Get me that list of replacements for Larson I had you draw up." "Mm-hmm." "(Hebrew music continues)" "Where's Haroon Raja?" " What's a Haroon Raja?" " (all laughing)" "Don't fuck with me." "You know where he is." "You know, Walter, we've all had just about enough of your back-channel dead ends." "Now why don't you just pack up your little peace pipe and get the hell out of the Holy Land, huh?" "I'm not going anywhere." " Ah, Mrs. Larson." " What?" " Welcome." " Joanne." "I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Secretary." "My flight was delayed." "What the fuck?" "Shalom." "Alex:" "You guys ready to see something?" "Come on in, guys." "Mi kasbah es su kasbah." "Feel free to hang out here until your rooms are ready." "_" "_" "We can all use his bathroom one at a time." "_" "I'm sure you girls are all eager to find out the password for the embassy Wi-Fi." "Today it is..." ""fromheretoeternity," one word, all lower case." "It's a different classic movie every day." "(all clicking)" "Whoa, that was intense." "They're teenage girls who have been living without Internet for three days." "Thank you, Alex." "I'm very appreciative of everything you've done." "I'm..." "I'm just glad that everything worked out." "I think we can give Uncle Creepy a little space." "I'm sure he has a lot of very important" "State Department business to take care of, right?" "Ah, no." "Who wants to see the embassy bowling alley?" "You could use a little meat on your bones." "Now dig in." "You keep talking about fattening us up." "It's kind of freaking me out." "Hmm." "Yeah, you're not like cannibals, are you?" "I'm not, but I wish I could say the same thing for my husband." "Darling, must we talk about this now?" "Martin ate a young tribesman once on his travels through Tanzania." "(both laugh)" "She's fuckin' with us." "Right?" "I have to say, I didn't find it wholly satisfying." "Of course, that's the trouble with African tribesmen, isn't it?" "Can't eat just one." "It takes a village." "My husband... the Noel Coward of rural Pakistan." "I do amuse myself." "Yes, he does." "But in all seriousness," "I have eaten another human being." "Right." "Be a good eunuch, Martin, and come and help me in the kitchen, would you?" "Thank you very much." "Chop, chop." "Our oven should fit you two perfectly." "These guys are fuckin' freaks." "I'll tell you what we gotta do, is find a fuckin' phone and get the hell out of here." "Good idea, Glenn." "Pierce?" "Really, Joanne?" "Pierce?" "I told you I was going to take it." "I just figured you were leveraging me to talk to the president about your judicial nomination." "You don't offer much leverage these days, Walter." "So what about the judgeship?" "You're just going to piss that away?" "Pierce told me it was never going to happen." "Pierce?" "You're going to believe Pierce instead of your husband?" "And that the only reason my husband didn't tell me is because my husband didn't want me to take the job." "True of false?" "Well, there is a grain of truth." "Damn it, Walter." "We don't lie to each other." "Fine, I should have been more straight with you." "You think?" "Honey, why are you doing this?" "Because this is what I do." "I'm a lawyer." "Walter, I am back in the game, right where I belong." "It's not a fucking game." "You know it's a game, and you can play it two ways." "You shake hands with the devil and try and coax him over to your side, or piss everyone off and end up buried up to your neck in ash and smoke." "You really believe you're going to change Pierce?" "I wouldn't have taken this job if I didn't." "Your fuckin' dreaming." "I'm dreaming this conversation's over." "Whoa, whoa, wait." "Joanne, Joanne, Joanne." "What?" "Congratulations on your new job." "Thank you, baby." "I'm proud of you." "I appreciate that." "I need a location on a guy named Haroon Raja." "You are unbelievable." "Pierce knows where he is and he's not telling me." "Joanne, if I don't find this guy, very bad things are going to happen." "You're a clever boy, Walter." "I'm sure you'll figure something out." "(knocking at door)" "Hey." "I just came by to pick up some of our belongings and show you where I was forced to hide your weed before the girls could find it." "You should know that I don't smoke anymore." "I mean, I smoke, but only when I'm solving a problem, or winding down after work, or dealing with my family." "I understand." "Now I must go." "You understand the old me, but there's a new me that you don't know that you might actually like." "Perhaps, but he is only four days old." "You gotta admit, it's been a pretty impressive four days." "I'm glad the slow destruction of my country has changed the way you see yourself." "I'm just asking you to hold off judgment." "Please take your weed." "All right." "I actually need it 'cause my father's birthday is coming up." "But then... feesh!" " (cell phone ringing)" " Talbot." "I'm on my way." "Ambassador needs to see me." "Well, your government's inexplicable hospitality was nice while it lasted." "(sighs)" "Dude." "We're looking for the goddamn phone, remember?" "You heard what this boner guy's worth." "Sell this motherfucker on eBay, you afford all the illegitimate children you want." "We're not here to flip antiques." "Ha!" "Charger!" "That means there's got to be a phone here somewhere." "Put it back, Glenn." "How the fuck did you see that?" "We're not criminals, okay?" "You're a fuckin' drug dealer, man." "You're missing a real opportunity here." "Martin:" "Hands up!" "Who'd like some pistachio sticky cake?" "Fuck no!" "I'm done, man." "Enough." "I'm stuffed." "It's fine." "Dude, lis... all right." "I'm gonna ask you one more time..." "Do you have a phone we could use?" "Well, what do you think, Martin?" "Should we let them use it?" "Well, seeing as you've been such get-along, go-along guests, we'll allow you to make one call each." " What do you say?" " Awesome." "But first, you have to indulge us in a little sport." "(squeals)" "The ambassador wanted to see me?" "I'll let him know you're here." "Kittredge:" "Is that Talbot?" "Send him in!" "Come, come." "Close the door." "Sit down, please." "I need to share something with you that is deeply personal." "Are you sure?" "And I realize it's going to sound strange." "The night before you arrived here with those seven girls..." "I had the most revelatory dream." "I hesitate even calling it a dream..." "A vision, perhaps." "You know, I'm pretty good with dreams." "My college roommate minored in abnormal psychology before he killed himself." "Go ahead." "Lay it on me." "Okay." "I stood with a lion and a leopard and a bear." "And we walked along the Sea of Reeds." "Suddenly, out of the water flew a beast with seven heads." "I grabbed its back and flew up and up and up." "We passed a flock of birds." "And the clouds parted and we entered His Kingdom!" "Do you get it now, Alex?" "Not really." "Revelation!" "It's all happening." "Zaman, the destruction of Israel, your seven girls..." "All signs that it is coming." "Maybe we should call Walter Larson and share all of this with him?" "No." "No, no, he wouldn't understand." "I'm not even sure I understand." "No, we share this with no one." " Okay." " I mean, to be honest, the only reason I'm telling you is because you brought these seven girls to me, so you must be a part of all of this." "Though for the life of me, I can't figure out how." "Yeah, it's a puzzler." "For now, we must keep these girls here at the embassy and wait." "I'm sorry, for what?" "The end." "Wow." "Amazing conversation." "Uh, Walter, I really..." "I can't." "Joanne, I came to apologize." "I'm here before you, admitting that you are absolutely right." "The only way to truly effect change is from the inside." "So now that you're on the inside, please help me find out where Haroon Raja is." "Go away." "You want me to beg?" "I'll beg." "Walter, get up." "I am not getting up until you help me." "What difference does it make where Raja is?" "He's gone." "If I can find him, I can get him back to Pakistan to take down Zaman." "This is the first day of my job." "It'd be really nice to remain employed for at least 48 hours." "Well, isn't that the whole point of taking the job in the first place?" "What, getting fired?" "Changing things from the inside." "You can do that." "You can change things." "All right, let's pretend for a second that I'm not a professional." "I don't even think Pierce would share this information with me." "He does know I'm your wife." "You're a clever girl, Joanne." "I'm sure you could figure something out." "You know I hate it when you throw my words back at me." "No, no, baby, baby, please!" "It's 15 seconds to midnight" " and Pierce is the Apocalypse." " You let go of my feet" " and you stand up." " Please, please, Joanne!" "Okay, all right, listen." "If you help me save the world, from now on," "I swear I will be nicer to your sister." "How much nicer?" "A lot nicer." "I don't believe you." " Much nicer." " I don't believe you." "Very, very, very, very, very much nicer." "When she comes to Georgetown to visit with her son..." " Dwight." " Dwight..." "I swear I will not bring up her divorce from her gay husband or roll my eyes at her Southern-belle bullshit." "But, honestly, that kid?" "He is really fuckin' stupid." "The only way he's getting into Georgetown is on a weed scholarship." "Fuck off, Walter." "I didn't mean that." "We can get him in!" "It's no problem." "Honestly, there's no way." "'Cause he's just a fuckin' stupid, motherfuckin' mongoloid." " (elevator opens) - (Hebrew music playing)" "Fucking music is driving me crazy!" "Martin:" "All right, boys, now the rules of this game are really very simple." "You two are Conquistadors." "Vanessa is the tribal princess." "Fuck her, you get to use the phone." "You know what?" "You wife might have a little something to say about that." ""Zekey," I'd like you to take that two-stone cock of yours and use it to make me cry out for the Holy Ghost." "Then, Glenn, I'd like you to whip out your little wanker and fuck-punch me in the back of the throat with as much monkey spunk that that little cock of yours can muster." "Then Zekey will whip me away from you again and whop it up my ass." "I'll resist appropriately, yeah?" "I presume that answers your question." " Now go." " Time out." "I'm not sure I should just whip it out right here." "Come on, boys, get on with it." " Man, this is fuckin' crazy." " Yeah." "Well, what did you think we did around here for kicks?" "Charades?" "Come on, boys!" "I want to hear those "lithping" Spanish accents." "Please don't hurt me!" "I'll do anything you ask." "Can't we just normal fuck her?" "It is called role-playing!" "Therefore you must play a role." "(Spanish accent) Otherwise you're just two guys screwing my wife." "Fuck it." "I got this." "Great." "Oh, oh." "It's not Jane Austen." "Show me Caligula and I'll show you the phone." " I'll give you fuckin' Caligula." " There you go." "Oh!" "Ooh!" " (makes motorboat noise)" " That's more like it." "All right, all right." "Okay, there." "Look, he's motorboating your wife." "(continues)" "Okay, you happy?" "Can we use the fuckin' phone now, please!" "How dare you assault my wife?" "Get your face out of her bosom, you little shit!" "Is this still part of the game?" "Yes, darling, yes." "Go on." "Stop it..." " (cocks gun) - or the tall one dies." "Wait a second." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "What are you talking about?" "Man, why are you pointing that thing at me?" " Fuck!" " Oh, don't worry about it, darling." "Don't worry, it's just a prop." "(beeping)" "Rafiq, need to talk." "(whispering) We need to talk." "Yeah, sit down." "Have a seat." "No, we need to talk now." "Come here." "What?" "We gotta get the girls out of here, and we can't waste time about it." "Alex, slow down." "Okay, what happened?" "Let's just say that the ambassador has plans to keep the girls here and ride them up to heaven when the time comes." "What exactly does that mean?" "It means we've got to go and we've got to take them someplace where they won't be mistaken for a Biblical seven-headed beast." "I knew that ambassador was crazy." "Okay, children, come on." "Follow Uncle Creepy." "This way, we're leaving." "Okay, where will we go?" "Well, we'll stack the girls into the car like Lincoln Logs and take them to wherever your equivalent of Disneyland is." "This is our equivalent of Disneyland." "Hey, I was going to eat that." "Come on, everyone, pick up the pace." "I am not getting back into that clown car." "Samira said she saw you and Uncle Creepy alone in his room." "That is none of her business." " Wait, what is this?" " Nothing." "Don't worry about it." "Just some casual discourse." "Let's go." " They were doing it." " That's a fuckin' lie." " Alex!" " Whoa, whoa, whoa." " Whoa!" "You two were alone together?" " Yeah." "So what?" "I can be alone with whoever I want." " Not with him." " Do you have a thing for your sister?" "'Cause that's how it sounds to normal people." " Oh, normal people, like you?" " Yeah." "My brother is just being overprotective." "The way I look at it, I'm being under-protective." "We really need to concentrate on leaving." "Come on!" "(both arguing)" "Sorry." "Nobody goes in or out, especially these girls." "We're in a lockdown." " Under whose orders?" " The ambassador." "Mr. Secretary, you've got to go." "The president expects you on the ground in DC tonight." " Give me..." " (grunting)" " Walter?" " Hey." "Raja's in Geneva, checked into the Hotel President Wilson." "Thank you." "Why do I get the feeling you're about to do something really stupid?" "I love you." "I'm telling my sister they can stay with us when they come to visit Georgetown with Dwight." "I didn't say she could stay with us." "That wasn't part of the deal." "Well, it is now." "What are we waiting for?" "Come on, let's go!" "Went too far, Martin." " You always go too far." " God, dude." " Whoa!" " Another couple inches," " you would've hit me in the face." " But wasn't it thrilling?" "Game over, Martin." "I'm going to let them use that telephone." "Do that and you're a dead woman." "(grunts)" "I can't tell what's real anymore, man." "These British people are too good at acting." "Oh, great, is that the phone?" "(laughs)" "As if you even know how to use that thing." "Now that is a laugh." "Oh, sweet Mother of Christ!" " Oh." " Holy fuck, dude!" " Damn." " Oh." "Apologies, Martin." "I may have crossed the line there a bit, but I've been meaning to do that for such a long time." "And, well, maybe it takes something like this to bring us back together again, because you know," "I actually started to feel a little bit of sympathy for you, and, you know, I never thought that would ever happen again." "Are you feeling anything differently, darling?" "I'm feeling rather a lot." "Right." "Okay, hold on just a second." " I'll just..." " Oh!" "Ah, ah, ah." "Ahhh!" " Oh!" " Bloody hell!" "Oh god, my leg!" "This is gonna get nasty." "We've got to get him to a doctor." " Ah!" " Very well." "Everyone to the Land Rover." "Yeah, any chance we could use that phone before we go?" "We don't have a phone." "We were just deliberately leading you on." "No phone, huh?" "Well, then how do you explain this?" "Oh, well, that's for my vibrator." "Oh, really?" "Thought those use batteries." "They do, but you try getting your hands on AA batteries around here." "And at the rate I go through them, with all that jigga-jig, jigga-jig, voom!" "Excuse me!" "Can we please go?" "Tell Phil we're making a little pit stop in Geneva." " Then call the hotel..." " Excuse me, Mr. Secretary." " Where's Phil?" " There's been a change of plans, sir." "Your usual flight crew have been relieved of duty." "I'll be flying you today." " Under whose orders?" " The President of the United States." "I'm under executive order to make sure you get back to DC, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do, sir." "(muttering) You've got to be fuckin' shitting me." "(honking)" "Come on, move." " Shift your asses." " (honking)" "Come on, out of the bloody way." "Ah, right." "(man shouting)" " Okay, um, who's going to handle this?" " I will." " Salaam alaikum." " Salaam alaikum." " Who's he?" " He's a local warlord." "We pay him a frightful amount of money, and he ensures we're not kidnapped or beheaded." "Can I remind you people I'm losing a lot of blood here?" "(grunting)" "Ooh." "(speaking Pashto)" "(speaks Pashto)" "Come along, chums." "(speaking Pashto)" "You know, when this is over, you and your wife might consider couples' therapy." "Didn't do shit for me and my ex, but it's worth a shot." "Okay, in you go." "(man speaking Pashto)" "Oh!" "This is a hospital?" "Well, it's not the Royal London, darling, but apparently this chap graduated first of some medical school I've never quite heard of." "(speaking Pashto)" "Um, Z-Pak, this guy looks familiar." " Z-Pak?" " Oh, fuck." "You know Ishaq?" "Z-Pak?" "(screaming in Pashto)" " We met." " (screaming)" "Wonderful." "Because he's the warlord's son." "(screaming)" "This is probably not part of the game, is it?" "I don't think so." "I need to speak with the ambassador." " He's in a meeting." " Thanks for the heads up." "No, no, you can't just go in there!" " Mr. Ambassador?" " Talbot, not now." "Sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't help but notice that you locked down all the embassy's entrances and exits?" "Folks, we can pick this up in a minute." "Wait outside." "What gives?" "(door closes)" "Nobody leaves this embassy, especially not those seven girls." "The situation has evolved." "Have you had a second dream, hopefully one that negates the first?" "This is direct from DC." "We are on lockdown." "And now what we have to do is hold on to these girls until further notice." "For what?" " You haven't heard?" " Heard what?" "(sighs)" "Since the Internet in Pakistan was turned off three days ago, we've seen virtual social-media silence until today, when the Twitter accounts of seven young Pakistani girls burst to life from inside the American embassy..." "Snapshots from a country on the brink of an historic crisis." "This reaction from Umair Zaman, the leader of Pakistan issued moments ago on Pakistani national television." "Translator:" "First the United States attempts to attack us from the sky." "Now they are holding seven of our children inside their embassy." "Who is this "Uncle Creepy" they refer to and what is he doing to them?" "They are hostages or worse." "Tweet, tweet, tweet." "We flew through a flock of birds, the clouds parted, then we entered His Kingdom." "Holy shit." "Translator:" "I would like to say this to our seven daughters if they can hear me." "Umair Zaman is coming to save you." "I am coming to save you." "♪ Johnny's in the basement mixing up the medicine ♪" "♪ I'm on the pavement thinkin' about the government ♪" "♪ A man in a trench coat, badge out, laid off ♪" "♪ Says he's got a bad cough, wants to get it paid off ♪" "♪ Look out, kid, it's something you did ♪" "♪ God knows when, but you're doin' it again ♪" "♪ You better duck down the alleyway, looking for a new friend ♪" "♪ The man in a coonskin cap in the big pen ♪" "♪ Wants 11 dollar bills, but you only got 10 ♪" "♪ Maggie comes fleet foot, face full of black soot ♪" "♪ Talkin' that the heat put plants in the bed but ♪" "♪ The phone's tapped anyway, Maggie says that many say ♪" "♪ They must bust in early May, orders from the DA ♪" "♪ Look out, kid, don't matter what you did ♪" "♪ Walk on your tiptoes, don't try NoDoz ♪" "♪ Better stay away from those that carry around a fire hose ♪" "♪ Keep a clean nose, watch the plainclothes ♪" "♪ You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows ♪" "♪ Oh, get sick, get well, hang around an ink well ♪" "♪ Ring bell, hard to tell, if anything is goin' to sell ♪" "♪ Try hard, get barred, get back, write Braille ♪" "♪ Get jailed, jump bail, join the army if you fail... ♪"