"I first tasted semen when I was seven years old." "Nothing to say?" "It's certainly a startling opening line." "What is that, irony?" "I'm sorry." "Let's start again." "What do you want to say to me?" "I'm here to listen to whatever you have to say." "I was raped by a priest when I was seven years old." "Orally and anally as they say in the court reports." "This went on for five years;" "every other day for five years." "I bled a lot, as you can imagine I bled a terrible amount." " Have you spoken to anyone about this?" " I'm speaking to you, now!" "I mean, have you sought professional help?" "Why?" "So I could learn how to cope?" "So that I could learn how to live with it?" "Maybe I don't want to cope." "Maybe I don't want to learn how to live with it." "Did you make a formal complaint?" "Did you testify?" "The man's dead." "I don't know what to say to you." "I have no answer for you, I'm sorry." "What good would it do anyway if he were still alive?" "What would be the point of killing the bastard?" "That would be no news." "There's no point in killing a bad priest." "Killing a good one?" "That would be a shock!" "They wouldn't know what to make of that." "I'm going to kill you, Father." "I'm going to kill you 'cause you've done nothing wrong!" "I'm going to kill you because you're innocent." "Not right now, though." "I'll give you enough time to put your house in order." "Make your peace with God." "Sunday week, let's say." "I'll meet you down by the beach, down by the water there." "Killing a priest on a Sunday!" "That'll be a good one." "Nothing to say to me, Father?" "Not right now, no." "But I'm sure I'll think of something by Sunday week." " Body of Christ." " Amen." "A little too much wine again, Mícheál?" "Sorry, Father." "I'm wondering is this some kind of ploy on your behalf." "Ploy, Father?" "I've noticed my stocks of booze appear to be... somewhat diminished of late." "I'm wondering is this some kind of ploy you're working?" "Cover up for the wine you've been imbibing on the Q.T." "I've no idea what you're talking about." "Father Leary noticed nothing amiss." "Father Leary does not know you as well as I do, Mícheál." "He may well underestimate the depths of your Machiavellian chicanery." "Can I go now, Father?" "What's the hurry?" "Have they called a meeting at Mafia Headquarters?" "On your way!" "Things you hear in confession these days!" " It's depressing." " You have to detach yourself from it." "We're here to provide solace." "Your personal feelings don't come into it." "I know that!" "What do you take me for?" "It's difficult, though." "The mess people make of their lives." "What's the problem?" "Without going into details, obviously." "That woman with the big black eye, have you seen her?" " Veronica Brennan." "Yeah." " She's an odd one." "Things she comes up with." "Think she's trying to drag you down into the muck." "Do you know what "felching" is?" "I do know what "felching" is, yeah." " I had to look it up." " This is you not going into details?" "Sorry." "Anyway, whatever is wrong with her has obviously gotten out of hand." "She's got knocked around now." "Well if you say it to her she'll raise holy hell." "Say it on the basis of something she said during confession." "I know, I know, we can't have that." "She could be excommunicated, the cow." "I'll have a word with her." "Jack as well." "Pastoral duties and what have you." "Nothing to do with her confession." "See what's going on." "That colored fellow, the..." "Ugandan." "He's one of her lovers, I think." "Simon's from the Ivory Coast." "Right." "I knew it was that or Guyana or one of those African countries." "Guyana is in South America." "Don't think so, Father." "I was always pretty good at Geography." "Not bad!" "Surprisingly." "I was expecting a daub." "Who are these two lads?" "Don't know." "I'm reading these ghost stories." "Maybe it's got something to do with that." "Spooky." "So, did you know who it was?" "Yes, I know who it was." "Do you know him well?" "Well enough." "Knowing this man as you do..." "Do you think it was an idle threat?" "I don't know." "I'm not sure." "If you're not sure, it means it's possible." "Yes, I suppose." "You didn't grant him absolution, obviously?" "He didn't ask for it." "There you have it." "The man is not penitent." "There's no contrition." "He's threatening to commit a crime, not asking for forgiveness for one." "The inviolability of the sacramental seal does not apply." "You're saying I should go to the police?" "I'm not saying anything, James." "The choice is yours." "Don't tell me, you made the classic error." "You're supposed to cut down, not across." "This is Bruno." "And I always wanted a fast car, a red one." "I thought you'd already had your midlife crisis?" "You're a very nice-looking young woman." "Thank you." "I like your bow tie." "It's got polka dots." "This is my daughter Fiona, Milo." "She's over from London." " You're having me on." " I'm not having you on." "But you're a priest." "I was married before I became a priest." "My wife and I had a child" " Fiona." "My wife died... and after that I joined the priesthood." " You can do that, can you?" " It would appear so." "Don't tell me." "You made the classic error." " I've already done that guide, Frank" " You're supposed to cut down." " I said I've already done it!" " Now, now!" "Drop of the hard stuff for yourself." "A generous serving of the old water of life for this beautiful, yet troubled..." "Fuck off!" "An exceedingly dotty mouth." "I like that in a whore." "Brendan, now's not the time." "Whatever you say, Father." "You're the boss." "How's that working out for you?" " I haven't been out in a good while." " So you say." "No, no." "I've been a very good lad." "And don't change the subject." "What was the subject?" " You know what the subject was." " Oh, daddy, a man." "A man, what else?" "It's getting to be a habit, honey." "I know." "It's pathetic, I can't do anything right." "Nice shades." "Do they make me look like Jackie O?" "Not really." "This what you came to go about?" "Nasty, huh?" "Interesting color." "They say you can find beauty in everything, if you look hard enough." "And I'd say you can find beauty in most things." "Not everything." "That's nonsense." "What would I know?" "I'm just an old washer woman." "Listen, if you don't want to talk to me, that's fine." "I'm not here to compel you to do anything." "You never know, Father." "Maybe I'd like to be compelled." "Maybe I'd enjoy it." "I'll have a word with Jack." "See what he has to say for himself." "Grand Inquisitor?" "Go and hear for yourself." "I'm sure he'll be only too pleased to have someone else to bore the ears off." "I stopped listening to his old shite a long time ago." "That's how it is, is it?" "I'm sorry, I didn't realize." "You thought we were another Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier?" "I know it wasn't a very happy marriage." "So it's not a great analogy." "You know that's what I've always liked about you, Father." "You're just a little too sharp for this parish." "Fine fellow he was." "Decapitated the two of them." "Blood all over the place." " Hi, Father." " Jack." "Could I have a word?" "In private." "Sounds ominous." "Where's Johnnie Cochran when you need him?" "I hope we don't get locked in here." "We'd have to make love to keep warm." "I had a word with Veronica, Jack." "Out at the house, are you?" "Is everything all right?" "Everything's fine." "I mean now, everything's not fine." "Mass on Sunday?" "With the shades and everything." " Oh, that." " Yes, that." "Are you laying into her or what's going on?" "I wasn't mean to her." "No." "That's that black fellow that she's been seeing." "I mean that colored fellow she's been seeing." "I didn't mean to be racist, that was a slip of the tongue." " You're saying he beat her up?" " That's what I'm assuming." "Yeah." "The way she speaks in riddles." "I can't make any sense out of her." "I think she's bipolar." "Or lactose intolerant." "One of the two." "I don't know where I am with her anymore, Father." "And if I'm honest with you, I'm kind of glad to have her off my hands." "Even if this fellow is knocking her about?" "What's it to do with me!" "What?" "Not everyone can carry the weight of the world!" "What about your marriage?" "The oaths you took?" "The oaths I took!" "Listen..." "She's happier, now that she's seeing him." "A lot more settled down." "Like a lot calmer." "And I'm not under surveillance anymore." "I can just reel in at whatever time I like." "So everybody's happy!" "Where's the harm in that?" "Shall I cut you a side of beef to take home?" "It's freshly slaughtered." " Simon." " Hello, Father." "Why the visit today?" "It's not about my car." "It's about Mrs. Brennan." "You're her boyfriend." "I fuck her from time to time." "Does that make me her boyfriend?" "Does around here." "She has a lot of boyfriends, I've heard." "How many?" "You want me to confess to adultery?" "Is that why you're here?" "Somebody beat her up." " Did she tell you I beat her up?" " No, she didn't." "Then why are you here?" "Somebody beat her up." "It's either you or the husband." "I don't think Jack would beat her up." "He's not the type." "What is the type?" " Some of them like to be hit, you know?" " Who?" "White women, Irish women." "Do not ask me why." " You'd have to be a psychiatrist." " That's nonsense." "No, no." "They like to be hit." "In certain situations, they beg for it in fact." "So she got what was coming for her, did she?" " I was speaking generally." " Oh, you were speaking generally." "Well, I'm speaking specifically." " Don't do it again." " You cannot tell me what to do!" " We're not in the missions now." " Oh, the missions!" "Right." "Are you going to chop off my hand if I disobey you?" "You know your history." "That's grand." "I like to read." "You probably think that black people..." "Yeah, yeah." "Black people, white people." "Blah, blah, blah." "Run along now, Father." "Your sermon is finished." "Better watch your step there." "Why is that?" "If he was him who was laying into her, you have to tread very carefully there." "It's a very sensitive area." "You'll have to explain this to me." "I'm afraid you've lost me completely." "The Church can't be seen to be getting involved in matters of diversity." "Do you know?" "You mean if he's beating her up as one of those ethnic rituals or something?" "Like when they do that thing when they shake hands!" "You're mocking me now, I can tell!" "We have to be very circumspect in those areas." "That's all I'm saying." "I'll be very circumspect, Father." "Don't you worry about that." "How's all?" "At death's door." "You?" "Same." "Still using the old typewriter, I see." "You have an affectation?" "My whole life has been an affectation." "One of those lines that sounds witty and doesn't actually make much sense." "Caught out again." "How's the latest masterpiece going?" "Better than "Cecilia Hearn" but not as good as "Beffield"." "Wish I could say that about everybody." "What have you got for me?" "Need anything else?" " A gun." " Yeah?" "A Walther PPK." "Bond's weapon of choice." "Old Adolph killed himself with one in the bunker." "That's the plan, is it?" "No intention of riding around in agony for hours on end when the time comes." "Not knowing who I am or where I am." "It's nonsense." "Pragmatism." "Where would I get a gun from?" "Come on, now." "Give me a break." "You've never been short of guns in this country, have you?" "You're awfully mournful today, I must say." "You don't have any photographs." "No." "I'm in agreement with the Apaches on that score." "The Apaches?" "The Apaches." "The Arapaho." "The Hunk papa Sioux." "Not even one of Mum?" "Don't need a photograph to remember your mother." "Memories fade." "That's what's so terrible about them." "No, they don't." "Not really." "I should buy a cane." "It'd suit you." "You're old beyond your years." "Yeah." "Give me a feeling of imperiousness." " And you could lean on it." " I could lean on it!" "Reflectively." "Point things out." "Club someone to death with it." "A blunt instrument, yeah." "Who, though?" "That young man from Dublin." "Are all instruments blunt?" "Flutes and horns?" "Who's this now?" "It's my daughter, Fiona." "Right!" "Like a French novel or something." "What was the fellow's name?" "Bernanos." "Michael Fitzgerald." "I've bought the big house up the road." " Haven't seen you at mass recently." " I've been too busy." "Thinking of getting a chapel built on the grounds." "Like Brideshead Revisited." "Then you could pop in freelance and save me the trouble." " Lovely creature." " Really expensive too." "Prime horsemeat." " Interesting man, your father." " Is that right?" "A good man." "A fine man." "Nobody around here has a bad word to say about him." " Makes you wonder what he's hiding." " God, you're a fucking prick!" " Oh, feisty!" " Fiona..." "I'm kidding." "No offence meant, as they say." "Do me a favor, Father." "Swing by the house one afternoon." "I've a proposition." " Really?" " Yes, really." "A financial proposition." "That interests you, doesn't it?" "It would be a black day when the Church is no longer interested in money." "Huh?" "Inspector Stanton." "The clergy at this time of the night." "We could be getting off to a wild start." "Well, hey Father!" "What do you hear?" "What do you say?" "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had company." "Sure." "It's only Little Leo." "Are you checking out my ass, Father?" "Huh?" "No." "He's only messing with you, Father." "What can I do for you?" "There's nothing to hide from Leo." "Right, Leo?" "He likes an open book, Jerry." "Like your ass." "Is this a police matter, Father?" "No, it's a personal... a personal thing." "It's a personal... personal thing." "You look worried, Father." "My advice: take it on the lamster." "You don't want to drop in for the phonus bolonus... and wind up with a shock in the kisser." "Get me?" " He's not in the mood, Leo." " Maybe I can cheer up the old sourpuss." "I'll show you a good time, Father." "Good Time Leo, that's me." "Although it will be extra if I let you wear that cassock." "I know what you holy rollers are like when you're getting golden hairs." "I'm out of here." "He's a character, huh?" "What's troubling you, Father?" "You seem agitated." "I need a favor." "My great grandfather's." "Said he took it off one of the Cairo Gang... when he shot them all on Bloody Sunday." "The first Bloody Sunday, obviously." " Ever had call to use it?" " Yeah." "I killed a man once in the Wicklow Mountains." "What case was that?" "Now you're just pissing me off." "Somebody been threatening you, Father?" "What have you been up to now?" "If not you, who else?" " What did you say you wanted it for?" " I didn't say." "I'd say you wanted it for your dog." "The dog's dying." "It's in pain." "You're worried you might have to put it out of its misery one of these days." "My dog's dying." "It's in pain." "I'm worried I might have to put it out of its misery one of these days." "Compassionate, huh?" "Well I can't argue with that." "I'm compassionate myself." "Already had one of those, you know." "Early on." " One of what?" " Pedophile priest." "Twenty years ago." "This was in Dublin." "Young girl made a complaint." "A rape." " What happened?" " What do you think?" "I arrested the bastard, and 48 hours later I was packing my bags and making my way out West." " You moved out?" " Reassigned, yeah." "What happened to him?" "I was told they were sending him to one of the missions overseas:" "Africa." "He could do whatever he wanted over there, I suppose." " Thanks, anyway." " Like the man says, Father." "Protect yourself!" "How long have you been in this crap?" "A couple of years." "Supposed to be therapeutic." " Maybe I should take it up." " Maybe you should." "Are you seeing someone in London?" "Do you mean professionally, rather than..." "Let's just stop all this..." "If you can't talk to me you should talk to someone." "I suppose I should." "Enjoying yourself?" "Yeah, we are, yeah." "Lovely day!" "Yes indeed, yeah." "Stamps!" "That's the feature of the priesthood?" "Milo." "I need to speak to you, Father." "Take a pew, literally." "Why do people kill themselves, Father?" "Why do people kill themselves?" "That's jumping in the deep end." "Lots of reasons, I suppose." "Why do you think yourself?" "I don't know." "The drink, depression..." "Lack of sex, maybe." "You're a presentable man." "I wouldn't have thought you'd have trouble there." "I don't have the gift of the gab." "Never had it." "That's making you feel suicidal?" "More bored than anything else." "It's either suicide or joining the army." " Those are drastic choices." " You can learn a trade if you join." "You can learn a trade if you don't." "You can experience more of life." "You think you can become a more authentic person by fighting in a war?" "By killing people." "You're against me joining is what I'm sensing." "Let's put it this way:" "I've always felt there's something inherently psychopathic... about someone who joins the army in peacetime." "As far as I'm concerned people join the army... because they want to find out what it's like to kill someone." "I hardly think that's an inclination that should be encouraged, do you?" "Jesus Christ didn't think so either." "And the Commandment "thou shalt not kill"... does not have an asterisk beside it, referring you to the bottom of the page, with instances where it's OK to kill." "What about self-defense?" "It's a tricky one, all right." "We're hardly being invaded, though, are we?" "The war on terror has no borders." "I don't think we're high on Al Qaeda's agenda, Milo, do you?" "Who knows what goes on in the Muslim mind?" "I have had murderous feelings, though, I have to admit." "Not getting laid." "It's starting to make me feel really angry towards women." "And so I thought, well, if I join the Army... those inclinations, as you call them, would be seen as a plus." "On the application, they don't come out and say that's what they're looking for." "In the ads they tell about seeing the world and all that shite." "But I would assume wanting to murder someone would be like having a degree." "It would outweigh my lack of qualifications." "Right." "Do you use pornography?" "I feel I've exhausted all the possibilities of pornography." "All of them?" "Nearly all of them." "I'm on to transsexual pornography at the moment." "Chicks with dicks, you know?" "Maybe there's a simpler solution." "Leave home." "Go somewhere where your chances of meeting available women... with loose morals are increased proportionally." "Should I go to town, you mean?" "No, I was thinking more Dublin, London, New York?" "New York?" "I might end up getting the AIDS." "Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, Father." "I can't say it's been much help." "But it's good to get these things out in the open, I suppose." "Puck!" "Puck!" "They've all left me, you know." "That's why the place is so empty." "Like a tomb." "Who's left you?" "The wife, the kids." "Even Consuela." "And she's from Ecuador." "So you'd think she wouldn't have that many options." "But apparently not." "Sorry to hear that." "You mentioned a financial proposition." "I'd like to make amends." "Do penance for past sins." "Although, I suppose all sins are past." "Otherwise they wouldn't be sins." "They'd just be... evil thoughts." "Floating around in your mind." "Why do you wear the old soutane, by the way?" "Are you trying to make a statement?" "I mean, look." "This watch, here." "That's making a statement." "A TAG Heuer." "Are you going to get to the point, Mr. Fitzgerald?" "Or are you going to ramble?" "Let me ask you a question:" "What do you see when you look at me?" "I'll tell you what you see." "You see a handsome, sophisticated, eminent man in the prime of his life." "A colossus, let's say." "Who once bestrode the world of high finance... and became profoundly influential in certain spheres." "I'm not saying inordinately." "I'm saying significantly." "Let's face it." "Are you sure I can't tempt you?" "I'll stick to the water." "I heard you like to drink." "I like it too much." "There's no such thing as too much." "There's only not enough!" "Where was I?" "Talking about money, what else?" "Now, now." " Got out in time, did you?" " Before it all came crashing down." "It was the perfect getaway, Father." "They say charges are going to be filed against me, for various irregularities." "But they're always threatening things like that." "They'd have to charge half the financiers in Ireland." "And the bankers." "And then troop into government and charge those cunts as well." "And we all know that's not going to happen." "No, there'll be no punishment forthcoming for a man such as myself." "There never is." "Still, I feel a... modicum of guilt about the whole thing." " A modicum?" "Do you?" " Well..." "I feel like I ought to feel guilty." "I'm sure it's not the same thing." "I love this one." "Really expensive." "Not quite sure what it's supposed to mean, though." "Why does it have to mean anything?" "Everything has to mean something." "Otherwise, what's the point?" "Of course, I don't have to know what it means." "I own it." "That's enough." "That's all that matters?" "Ownership?" "Possession?" "How much land does the Church own?" "How much gold?" "That's the Church." "It's not me." "You are a representative of the Church, are you not?" " If you say so." " I do say so, yeah." "I think you're a very judgmental man, father." "Yes I am." "But I try not to be." "You think I don't have feelings?" "You think I don't care about..." "I think you don't want to do penance at all!" "I think you asked me here to make fun of me." "When you want to do penance sincerely, you can give me a call, at any time, and I'll try my best to help you!" "I could piss on this, you know." "I said I love it, I don't." "It doesn't mean anything to me." "I could take it down right now and piss on it." "Do you want me to do that?" " Why would I want you to do that?" " I don't know." "So I can have some sort of..." "spiritual revelation." "Some sort of fucking epiphany, huh?" "OK, let's go." "I'll give you an epiphany." "Well, I don't own it." "People like you have pissed on everything else, I suppose." "So why not?" "You have your tools done, I see." "Who is it?" "French couple." "Head on." "She was totally unscathed." "He got fucked." "Wrong side of the road?" "The others hit them drunk, of course." " How many?" " Five, and I'm including the Frenchman." "Dear God!" "Marine biologist he was." "That's where I'd like to be..." "under the sea." " Where are the others?" " The morgue." "Best place for them." "Every life is sacred, Frank." "For God's sake." "I know." "Some are less sacred than others." "Through this holy anointing may the Lord in his love and mercy... help you... with the grace of the Holy Spirit." "Amen." "May the Lord who frees you from sin save you... and raise you up." "Amen." "Have you performed the last rites many times?" "Yes." "Usually with older people, of course." "They have time to prepare for it." "Everybody knows it's coming." "It is easier?" "It's never easy." "More understandable, I'd say." "Less unfair." "In situations like this one, people are shocked." "The randomness of it." "They curse God." "They curse their fellow man." "They lose their faith in some cases." "They lose their faith?" "It must not have been much of a faith to begin with." "If it is so easy for them to lose it." "Yes, but what is faith... for most people is the fear of death." "It's nothing more than that." "If that's all it is, it's very easy to lose." "He was a good man, your husband?" "Yes." "He was a good man." "We had a very good life together." "We loved each other very much." "And now... he has gone." "And that is not unfair." "That is just what happened." "But many people don't live good lives." "They don't feel love." "That is why it's unfair." "I feel sorry for them." "Will you say a prayer with me, Theresa?" "Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with Thee." "Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus." "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of death." "Amen." "Finished with all your gobbledygook?" "How's she holding up?" " She's a strong woman." " Good-looking too!" "I could be in there." "I've a thing for widowers." "Did I ever tell you?" "I think you might have done." "Your material is getting a little stale." "Sure." "The atheistic doctor." "It's a clichéd part to play." "There aren't that many good lines." "One part humanism to nine parts gallows humor." "Playing you, though?" "Now, that might be interesting." "Playing me." "Who's me?" "The good priest." "Excuse me, won't you?" "I have to go kill somebody." "How long was I out?" "Ages." "Eons." "Did I ever tell you the story about Finn McCool?" "And another big strong lad called Kik Satoin?" " They were at the top of the mountain." " They were at the top of the mountain." "Kik as a challenge throws a boulder into the Sea and Iski couldn't do it." "Finn accepted the challenge." "His boulder landed on the shore, creating such waves that the sea hasn't been the same since, which is why the Eastern Coast is renowned internationally for surfing." "The boulder Finn had thrown landed here, he drew his sword, split the rock in two and it said:" "If I shoot someone foolhardy enough... to pass through the rock three times, they'll be squished into tiny lumps." "Unceremoniously." "Not a lot of poetry in that recital." "Not a lot of romance." "I'm sick to death of romance." "He was a Japanese writer." "Committed suicide." "He wrote out a list beforehand of all the famous suicides throughout history." "He included Christ." "Sounds like a smart-ass." "In the Middle Ages they'd just say I was possessed by demons." "Maybe you were." "Maybe they were nearer the mark back then." "You think what happened was unimportant." "Insignificant in the great scheme of things to provoke such a reaction." "But what may..." "But what may mean nothing to you may be very important to me." "I'd never say it was unimportant." "I just say the choices you make when you're thirty... are not the same choices you make when you're sixty." "That's irrelevant." "Every mode of living has its own logic, its own meaning." "Maybe so." "Maybe you're right there." "I'll have to think about that." "It's a tired old argument, I suppose." "But what about those you leave behind?" "They belong to myself, not to anybody else." "True." "False." "You'll tell me you would have been in mortal sin, I suppose?" "But I have suffered eternal damnation, Father." "God is great." "The limits of His mercy have not been set." "Is this where you want to be buried?" "Why in hell would I want to be buried in a God-forsaken place like this?" "Where, then?" "Père-Lachaise?" "Next to dear old Oscar?" "Next to Apollinaire and Max Ophüls." "Very fancy, I must say." " I have your gun for you by the way." " Yeah, right." "I do so!" "Webley, circa 1920." "Still in good working order, though." "Or so I've been told by a man who would know." " Hand it over, then." " I don't have it on me." "I knew it." "Worried I might follow through with it, huh?" "You might take a pot shot at me, for all I know." "Why would I do that?" "What have you ever done to me except talk garbage?" "That doesn't mean anything." "Bloody idiots can't even be bothered with a reason for murder these days." "Come up to a fellow and it's bang, bang, bang." "I don't know about that." "Some people have very good reasons." "Who are you here to see, Father?" "Freddy Joyce." " Freddy Joyce, the murd..." " I know who he is." "Why the hell do you want to see him for?" "He's an old pupil of mine." "He asked to see me." "You know I've asked them to hang me." "There's no capital punishment in Ireland, Freddy, as you well know." " Why do you want them to hang you?" " That's the way Leslie Ryan died." "You're saying you feel remorse?" "I'm not a monster." "Do I look like a monster?" "What do monsters look like?" "I had the cops in here the other day." "In third degree." "Wanting to go over all the gory details." "Which I'm sure you were only too happy to provide." "They're obsessed with cannibalism." ""What did it taste like?"" "I told them it tasted like pheasant." "A bit gamy." "Good for you." "Make a joke about it." " Why were they...?" " Same as always." "They want to know who the last one is." "The one they never found." "The one I connected up." "Why can't you tell them, Freddy?" "To find some kind of peace." "I wanted to..." "Father, for the life of me, I cannot... remember where I put..." "I mean, I know it was in the woods somewhere." " Where did I leave my keys?" " No!" "I wasn't in my right mind." "The LSD... it was like a... fairytale." "You said all that at the trial, Freddy." "It's getting kind of tiresome now." "She was a lovely..." "She was a lovely girl." "You know she told me that she'd been abused before?" "So I says: once more won't make any difference, then." "You see the light go out in their eyes..." " And you become God!" " No you don't!" "No you don't." "Why am I here?" "I just wanted someone to talk to." "I don't think you feel any guilt whatsoever, about anything you've done." "I do." "I do, Father." "I believe what the Bible teaches." "I believe that if I repent my sins, then I'll be forgiven." "And I'll be able to go up to heaven, and I'll see those girls and I'll tell them how sorry I am." "I'll hug them and I'll kiss them, and I'll love them with the real, true love." "I'll have no desire to hurt them in any way." "God made me, didn't he?" "Didn't he?" "So he understands me." "He must do." "Don't you think?" "I think if God can't understand you, Freddy... no one can." "You know they're foreclosing on me?" " Who?" " Who?" "The banks, who else?" "Sorry to hear that." "How come I never hear your mob preaching about that?" "About what?" "About all these bankers who have brought this country to its knees?" "Still driving people out of their homes for not making their payments." "Ever hear your mob talk about that?" "Those are things too, aren't they?" "Yes, they are." "That's right." "I suppose when you have a history of screwing the Jews out of their money, and collaborating with the Nazis." "It's like the pot calling the kettle black, eh?" "I suppose it is." "Getting full use out of your library card there, Brendan." "Library's been shut down." "Did you not hear?" "Cutbacks." "You're not dancing, Milo." "I don't like this music." "What music do you like?" "Dolly Parton." "Dolly Parton's good, yeah." "Great cocaine!" "Very moreish!" "Totally medicinal, Father." "How was your man, Joyce?" "It's been a tough day, let's put it that way." "How can you hope to connect with someone like that?" "What are you talking about?" "Not Freddy Joyce!" "I visited him in prison today." "Why?" "A prisoner deserves spiritual guidance as much as anyone else." "Maybe more so." "Is that right?" "So they can find God." "And then say God has absolved them of all their sins." "And what they did didn't really matter anyways, 'cause now they're saved!" "Something like that, yeah." "Calm down." "You don't know what you're talking about." "Do you mind the drinks?" "For Christ's sake!" "He had that coming a long time." "You know yourself." "Fine-looking man." "Watch yourself with him." "I gave up cocaine a long time ago." "You took cocaine?" "Come on, let's dance." " No, no." " How'd they call it in your day, jive?" " No, no." " Come on!" "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." "Say one Our Father and ten Hail Mary's." "I've sinned more than that." "Make an ascent to Croagh Patrick, then." "On your knees." "On my knees, is it?" "What made you say that?" " Your church is on fire." " Fuck off Brendan." "I'm not in the mood." "You're church is on fire!" "Jesus Christ!" "I called the fire brigade, Father." "For all the good it'll do." "They'll never get here in time." " Why didn't anybody see?" " Daddy, stay away." "Daddy!" "Come away." "Why didn't anybody see?" "They're probably going to blame you for this." "Professional job, I'd say that for them." "Any fool can start a fire, for fuck's sake." "Who'd do a thing like this?" "Somebody with a grudge against the Church, obviously." "That could be half the country." "Unless it's a personal angle." "How'd you mean?" "Nobody had a grudge against your father, no?" "Who'd have a grudge against you?" "Maybe this is the future, huh?" "Maybe it'll all be ruins one day." "Maybe one day kids will say in amazement:" "They used to believe in what?" "And all that up in the sky." "And if we're good we'll go to heaven." "And if we're bad we'll go to hell." "You know, for a policeman you seem to know very little about human nature." "Maybe you're right." "You know more than me." "Don't touch anything now." "Have to get the forensics boys down." "The supercilious pricks!" "What do we do now?" "We'll have to rebuild it, I suppose." "Maybe use bricks next time." "Might be a good idea." "Oh, God, Father." "Is this about the coke?" "I can take it or leave it." "Really?" "Yeah." "Most people can." "The only ones who can't have problems to begin with." "We shouldn't write them off, though." "The ones who have problems to begin with." "What do you want to do with your life, Veronica?" "Nothing." "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow:" "they toil not, neither do they spin." "Very nice quotation." "Sure." "Everybody knows that one." "Hackneyed, yeah." "It's like "turn the other cheek"." "Or "judge not lest you be judged"." "I'd like to be an actress, maybe." "I've an absent father and domineering mother." "That's a start." "When did your dad leave?" "He didn't leave, he was killed." " Murdered?" " Hunting accident." "Completely random." "So there's no use persevering, Father." "I'm a lost cause." "No one is a lost cause, Veronica." "Who is it?" "I don't know who it is." "You said you did." "I've no evidence it's the same man." "It's the same man." "Takes a lot of nerve to burn down a church." "Helps if you have a burning sense of grievance, if you'll pardon the..." "We have to ask ourselves:" "What does this man want?" "He wants to be loved, of course." "We all want to be loved." "Failing that he wants to be... admired." "Failing that he wants to be feared." "Failing that, he wants to be hated and despised." "You should beware the man who wants to be hated and despised." "Don't you think?" "I think you read that in a book, your Excellency." "I think he wants to stir up some sort of feelings in others." "That's true." "Doesn't want to be ignored any more." "Wants to make contact." "He made contact all right." "Who is it?" "Dreadful business, I must say." "Some little blackguard running riot, I wouldn't wonder." "What can you do in this day and age?" "True that." "Sorry about the other day, Father." "That was the drink talking." "What can we do for you?" "It's off the bat with what I was saying." "And it seems more necessary than ever." "I'd like to make a donation." "That would be grand." "To salve your conscience?" "Surely that's in the nature of all philanthropy." "The expiation of guilt." "I'm sure you've nothing major to feel guilty about, Mr. Fitzgerald." "You'd be surprised, Father." "Call me Michael." "Michael it is." "Any charity is always gratefully received." "I know." "I believe that's Church doctrine." "The Church needs all the help it can get." "Especially these days." "Why would you say that?" "Well, with all the compensation that's been paid out over the last few years?" "And that's only the Yanks, we all know they weren't worst." "I don't know about that." "Most of those cases were 40 or 50 years ago." "Raking up old ground it always seemed to me." " Time to forgive and forget." " I agree." "I agree." "What's past is past." "Time to move on." "Etcetera, etcetera." "Would you like a cup of tea, Michael, or maybe something stronger?" "Do you have any crystal meth?" "No, no." "I can't stop." "So what are we talking about?" "Ten?" "Twenty?" "Twenty thousand?" "Twenty thousand Euros, yeah." "Well, that would be grand." "That would help us getting the initial building work off the ground." "Twenty it is, then." "This is a David Oscarson pen." "It's really expensive." "It's lovely." "Why not make it fifty?" "Well, Father!" "If money is no object, make it fifty." "Why not make it a hundred?" "It means nothing to me." "I know it doesn't." "100,000 Euros for your pet project, Father." "What do you say to that?" "I say:" "Thank you, Mr. Fitzgerald." "What was Stanton getting on?" "If I could tell you, I would." "You know that." "I thought I was the one that was supposed to be in trouble, not you." "How's the fish.?" "Too many little bones." "Isn't that always the way?" "Not stopping." "Meeting a fellow." "You're informing me of your adultery in advance." "Isn't that more honest than in the confessional?" "When it's all done and dusted, and there's nothing you can do about it." "What are you expecting him to do?" "Stop me from committing a mortal sin." "You have to stop yourself." "I can't stop you." "Then what good are you at all?" "There's my ride, as it were." "Let's do this again, sometime." "Do you have to put up with that kind of shit on a regular basis?" "There's a lot of it going around, let's put it that way." "We really should talk, you know." "Let it all out." "Like in one of those shit plays at the abbey." "I don't know what the revelation would be, though." "Neither do I." "Your mother dying killed a little something in both of us, I know that." "It was a long goodbye, if ever there was one." "Sometimes I wish she hadn't hanged on as long as she did." "She was stubborn all right." "Brave too, though." "Wonder if I'll be as brave when the time comes." "It wasn't just her dying." "You were missing in action a long time." "Before and after." "When I needed you most." "I was never neglectful, I don't think." "Never hit you or anything." "There are other forms of violence." "I know there are!" "Attempting suicide, for one." "Jesus!" "I walked into that one." "It's not only violence against yourself, either." "It wasn't intended that way." "I never meant to hurt you." "How could it not hurt me?" "I love you!" "I love you too." "Don't ever doubt that." "Dad..." "And just when I thought I had you back, and you were ship-shape and rearing to go, go you did." "I thought it would be another woman." "I have a vocation." "I wasn't trying to escape!" "I know that!" "I know you're sincere." "But, Dad, the fact remains." "First Mum went away, and then you went away." "I lost two parents for the price of one." "I never ran anywhere." "I stayed here." "I think you're being a bit naive there, Father." "I'm still here." "I'll always be here." "Will you?" "You promise?" "I'll always be here." "And you'll always be here." "How was that for a third act revelation?" "Corny." "But I like it." "Here." "Here's mud in your eye!" "Great stuff!" "You know I can tell when you're really getting old." "How?" "No one ever says the word "death" around you anymore." "Bruno!" "Bruno!" "Oh Bruno!" "What has he done to Bruno?" "Oh, I forgot to say goodbye to Bruno!" " I'll give him a big kiss on you." " Oh, do!" " I'll be fine from here." " Will you?" "Well let's just say today I'm fine." "So you say." "Hello!" "Where are you off to?" "The beach." " It's nice at the beach, isn't it?" " Yeah." "You surf?" "No, my dad won't let me." "Says it's too dangerous." "What does he know?" "The meany!" "You're here on holidays?" " Where are you from?" "Wicklow!" " Yeah." "Never mind." "I won't hold it against you." "Jeanine!" "Get in the car." "What were you saying to her?" " I wasn't saying anything to her." " Oh, really?" "It looked like a fucking conversation to me." "Where the hell did you get to, honey?" "I've been looking all over for you." "Large one." "You sure about that?" "Whiskey, I said." "Who burnt down your church, Father?" "If you don't mind me asking." "It's not my church." "It's our church." "I'd say it was the Romanians." "They're awful heathens." "The Romanians." "What Romanians do we have around here?" "They're always hanging around." "Romanians." "Getting up to no good." "Must be someone who doesn't like you, Father." "I think it must be one of the good people in this town." "You should join the Garda, Simon." "With your "powers of deduction"." "These measures, huh, Father?" "Like a buttercup in the mouth of a cow." "Pint there, please, Brendan." "So you're sure there's a God then, Father, yeah?" "I'm not kidding." "I'm being serious." "I'm asking because I'm having doubts myself." "I'm having a crisis of faith." "Don't be getting offended." "Fa..." "I'm sorry!" "Really I am!" "As sure as a hole in the ground..." "Don't be going away mad!" "I'm an awful messer." "Hey, Father!" "What do you hear?" "What do you say?" "You're back, so?" "I've got a lot of clients in this town." "From the Hoi polloi to the masses." "I've got to keep my ass lubricated at all times." "Hoi polloi are the masses of society." "You're using the phrase incorrectly." "You know that maybe so, Father." "I didn't get no education, see?" "I was getting fucked in the ass and fucked in the face all day." "Wasn't no time for any of that." "I was sucking the prick of a bishop on a regular basis, you get me?" "How did you like that play, smart ass?" "You need help." "You're starting to sound a little screwy." "Maybe you need to see a head-shrinker yourself." "Do you need help?" "Are you OK?" "Hey!" "Father..." "There's nothing wrong with me, Father." "All right?" "I'm feeling fine." "You know... when I first started out working up in Dublin, there was this 3-year-old boy." "Parents brought him into the hospital." "A routine operation." "But the anesthetist made a mistake." "Little boy ended up deaf, dumb, blind... and paralyzed." "For good." "Think of it!" "Think when that little boy first regained consciousness." "In the dark." "You'd be frightened, wouldn't you?" "You'd be frightened in the kind of a way that you know the fear is going to end." "Has to." "Must." "Your parents couldn't be too far away." "They'll come to your rescue." "They'll turn the light on." "They'll talk to you." "But... think of it." "Nobody comes to rescue you." "No light is turned on." "You are in the dark." "You try to speak... but you can't." "You try to move... but you can't." "You try to cry out." "But you are unable to hear your own screams." "You are entombed within your own body." "Howling with terror." "What the fuck?" "Why the fuck would you tell me a story like that?" "No reason." "Some people are awfully touchy." "Good luck!" "Time to go." "Come on." "You're still drinking." "Same again." "Time to go, I said." "Is that an order?" "You don't like taking orders, Father?" "You do not mind giving them." "These kinds are all alike." " My "kind"." " Yeah, your "kind"." "Your time is gone and you don't even fucking realize it." "My time will never be gone." "Did you hear that?" "The arrogance of the man." "You need to be a little more humble." "Needs to be taken down a peg or two." "That's what he needs." "Take me down, then." "Go on, I fucking dare you." "Jesus Christ!" " What happened to you?" " Brendan Lynch." "Brendan Lynch?" "He's a Buddhist!" "So what if he's a fucking Buddhist?" "You think Buddhists don't beat people up?" "You think Buddhists don't fuck their kids like everyone else?" "You're obviously very upset!" "Tibetans spit on blind people in the street!" "Their killing albinos in Africa!" "You're so fucking naive." "Please don't curse at me, Father." "I think It would be best to continue this conversation in the morning, sober." "Why are you a fucking priest at all?" "You should be a fucking accountant!" "Or a fucking insurance man!" "Terrible!" "Let's go home." "What is it?" "Nothing." "You're leaving?" "I think it's for the best." "Because of last night?" "Because of a lot of things." "Not just last night." "Or what's happened here." "I've been having doubts, if you must know." "Listen, I'm sorry about what I said last night." "You said what you said with such venom!" "I didn't realize you hated me that much." "I don't hate you at all." "Then, why?" "It's just you have no integrity!" "That's the worse I can say about anybody." "Well, that's..." " That's just..." " Hope you find what you're looking for." "Good luck." "Father?" "Hello." "You're going to Dublin?" "Yeah." "Just getting away for a while, you know?" "I heard about your church." "Terrible thing." "Yes." "You must be very upset." "Yes, I am." "I'm bringing him home." "To his family in Italy." "Dublin and then..." "Rome." "How have you been?" "People here have been very kind to me." "I mean..." "You know, sometimes I think I cannot go on." "But..." "I will go on." "Father!" "Little early for mass." "Dr. Hart was out fishing at the crack of dawn." "He begrudgingly gave me a ride." "Where are you headed?" "Just down the beach there." " Can I come along?" " Not really, no." "Maybe later." "That's fine, yeah." "I won't keep you." "Did you finish your book?" "Yes, I did." "I don't know how good it is." "I'm sure it'll be extraordinary." "You're a very fine writer." "Thank you, James!" "You know you changed the subject the other day when we were talking." "What was the subject?" "You know what the subject was." "I think you committed a sin of omission." "I'm sure there are worse sins than sins of omission." "I'll let you be the expert in that department, father." "I think there's too much talk about sins, to be honest." "Not enough talk about virtues." "You might be right." "What would be your number one?" "I think forgiveness has been highly underrated." "I forgive you." "Do you forgive me?" "Always." "Thinking of throwing yourself in?" "They say that's the easy way out." "Nothing easy about it, I wouldn't have thought." "I'm in a bad way, Father." "No, I'm not putting you on." "The truth is I've been in a bad way for... a long time." "No will to do anything." "Feeling of nothing being worthwhile..." "A sense of disassociation." "Detachment." "I had a wife and kids, they meant nothing to me." "I have money." "It means nothing to me." "I have life... and it means nothing to me." "Where do you think it comes from?" "The sense of detachment." "From nowhere." "From nowhere." "Listen, I have to meet someone now." "I'll call on you after." "We'll talk." "Get you back on track." "OK?" " OK?" " Thank you." "Thank you, Father." "Thank you." " You all right?" " Yeah." "Take your hands out of your pockets." "Slowly." "Why?" "I heard you had a gun." "I have to say I'm surprised." "Thought I'd have to go looking for you." "Just 'cause I'm here doesn't mean you have to go through with it." "Yes it does!" "It's one of those cell phone selling properties." "Did you ever think it would come to this, though, huh?" "I was hoping it wouldn't." "I thought you were a friend of mine." "Your friend is just an enemy you haven't made yet." " Cheap cynicism." " Not cheap, now, no." "It's a cynicism that's been hard won!" "It's a cynicism that's been earned... over a hell of a lot of physical and psychological torture." "I take it back then." "But it's cynicism none the less." "Maybe that's the difference between us." "Oh, that's not the only difference." "Any regrets?" "Oh, yeah!" "Never got to finish "Moby Dick"." " The whale kills Ahab." " Is that right?" "Then he destroys the rest of the ship and the crew along with it." "All except for Ishmael." "He alone escapes." "To tell thee." "The burning of the church I can understand." "You didn't have to kill my dog." "I didn't kill your dog!" "I love dogs." "Why would I do a thing like that?" "I found him with his throat cut." "Why would I fucking kill a dog?" "I didn't..." "That had nothing to do with me." "I'm wholly innocent of that crime." "I did give Veronica a bit of a shove that one time, though." "I do admit that and I'm sorry for it." "Did it upset you, the dog?" "Yes, it did." "Did you cry?" "Yes, I did." "That's nice." "And when you read what your fellow priests did to all those poor children, all those years, did you cry then?" "I asked you a question:" "Did you cry then?" "No." "That's right!" " I suppose..." " What?" " I suppose I felt attachment." " Yeah." " When you read..." " Yeah, yeah." "Something in a newspaper..." "Detach yourself from that!" "We were the lucky ones!" "There's bodies burning back there!" "Burning like dogs!" "Don't look at me." "Turn your face away, don't look at me!" "No!" "Run!" "Mícheál, run!" "I'll get Stanton, Father!" "He reminds me of me." "It's not too late, Jack." "Yes, it is." "Yes it is." "Say your prayers, Father." "I've already said them."