"Previously on Weeds" "Did you take something that doesn't belong to you?" " I want in." " That's him." "Hey, what the hell?" "You can't do that." "I did this for your own good." " They want to send me to Iraq, Lupita." " Bye." "Oh my God, stop him, oh my God!" "I need someone I trust to handle my money." " What money?" " From my commercials." "I'm the new Huskaroos girl." " You were traded." " I was what?" "I bought your chain, you're about to grow me some shit." "The way I see it, you still owe me 150 G's, lady." "Sous-Titres VO :" "Le_Chuck, San-A, Loky" "Thanks to elestero" "Season 3 Episode 3" " The Brick Dance " "How long have I been asleep?" " Not long." " 22 hours." "What?" "Like she wouldn't figure it out?" "It's absolutely delicious." " I made this." " Lupita," " you're fired." " What?" "!" "But I cooked." "I can't afford to pay you anymore." "What if I tell the police what you do?" "Then, the guy I owe money to, might decide to kill you." "Maybe we should not discuss this in front of the younger members of our audience." "I'm not keeping any secrets anymore." "Kids need to know what's going on, so they can be aware..." " of this danger." " What kind of danger?" "Big scary men with the guns who want a lot of money from Mummy, so... let's just be alert, and talk about... how much money we can all raise now." "Andy... speak to me." "If you stake me the ten grand buy-in, there is a World Poker Classic at Commerce this week." "Silas, what you got?" "I can crack saves." "Too soon, my son." "Too soon." "I have a stock portfolio worth $2,600." "Cash it then." "But if I liquid it now, I'll pay penalty." "Shane, now." "The three of you keep thinking." "Now, there's not much here in the way of assets." "But you do have Isabel and her Huskarros contract." "Now, that is a cash cow right there." " You got the cow part right." " Hey, that is no way to talk... about your greatest asset." "If you have a lousy relationship with your income-generating child, you need to turn that around, right now." "Spend some time with her, charm her, you want sole custody." " I do?" " You do." "You're not the one that... cupped her pubescent breast after a few too many chardonnays." "What?" "Never." "Well, just thought I'd... float it out there, see if it caught wind." "Doesn't matter, we'll get him." "Allow me to illustrate." "This is your husband." "Watch, how he struggles for the slightest hint of sustenance." "Slouching to a Bethlehem of mercy that never appears." "And just when he's about to resign himself to his miserable, doomed fate, we allow this son of a bitch to escape with his life." "In the end, he'll thank us for not crushing his sad little testicles in a vise." "Do fish have testicles?" "Fish have internal testicles." "... only real downer, besides the residual pain, is the issue of warm weather footwear." "I support the flip-flop, the summer sandal..." "I get stares." "Children cry and run away..." " Can we go to the arcade now?" " Well, Mr. Botwin." "While an injury such as yours may have rendered you unfit for duty in the past," " I'm afraid times have changed." " What do you mean?" "In case you haven't read a newspaper in 4 years, this country, your country, is at war." "Actually, technically, operation "Iraqi Freedom"" "is an extended military engagement." "War's not been declared." "Actually, technically, authorization for use of military force has been given by Congress, that's enough to activate your uncle here into service." "Yeah, I'm clearly not fit." " You can walk, can't you?" " Not in lock step, no, I tend to weave." " Didn't notice." " I'll fail the drug test." " We'll clean you up." " I'm gay." "We got a unit for that." "Look son, truth is that you'll never see combat." " We wanna win this war." " It's not a war." "My point is..." "You're headed for a desk job, son." "So quit your whining and prepare to serve, 'cause we got you, and we ain't gonna let you go." "Now... to report back here at 05:00 tomorrow morning with this papers properly filled out." "You must bring with you your social security card, birth certificate, and driver's license." "Do not bring iPods, watches, jewelry, excessive cash, or any other valuables." "This is bullshit." "Welcome to the army, soldier." "All the MILF weed's destroyed?" "There's nothing." "I was gonna buy a boat." "Doug, can we just focus on me for a second please?" " I'm in serious trouble." " Alright." "Lots of cash, real quick, no boat." "Why aren't you dressed?" "Dana threw me out of the house," "I've been sleeping here, in the office." " She threw you out?" " Yeah, she found out that I was fucking Celia." "I'm repulsed." "Fascinated." "I need to hear about this." "Not now, definitely later." "Now, we need to focus." "How much could I raise if I liquidate all my stocks and bonds?" "You don't have stocks and bonds." "Yes, I do." "I have stocks and bonds." "Judah left me stocks and bonds." "He did, but then, you had me sell everything so you could start up the bakery." " Everything?" " There wasn't much." "Judah was lousy at playing a market." "I mean, a company that sells morning afterpills for dogs..." "You were the one advising him, Doug." "Okay, that one do not come from me." "Credentials, yeah, me." "But he went rogue on our few 486." "Anyway, you're broke again." "Unacceptable, there has to be something, there's always something." "How much money can I get in if I... sold my house?" "Not much." "The bubble's bursting in Agrestic." "Majestic next door, that's a new hot spot with the chartered schools and a mega church, it's crucifying her property values." "How much, Doug?" "If you even found a buyer, you can net... maybe 50 Grand." "But then any places you'd rent would be more than the mortgage that you're paying now." "It's not smart." " It's cash in hand, let's do it." " Where will you live?" "I can only deal with one thing at the time." "If I deal with one thing at the time," "I'm less inclined to shot myself in the head." "Don't do that, your life insurance went out a few weeks ago." "I sent you an e-mail." "Get it back, Doug, my kids may seriously need it, too." "I've got to go." "The cock wants what it wants." "5000 square feet of raw space, and 250 a foot is a good price." "I could * to climate control." "Put 3 or 4 generators * so we don't have to worry 'bout the sound, put the cover business up front, for appearances, secure the back for crops." "Downtown is supposed to be blowing up right now." "Lady said they'll build a Whole foods just off the blocks, so you can get all that gourmet shit you like." "Boy, look at here." "How you like that view?" "He gonna kill those nice plants." "Why you started smoking again?" "I ain't see you smoke since back when I was in junior high." "And goddamn, Mores no less." "I started smoking I was long and brown, like these cigarettes." "Everything's changed." "You don't like it." "Come on." "Let's tell her we gonna keep looking." "Can you grow here?" "Hell, yeah." "It's perfect." "Fuckin' shame it's all gonna be for U-Turn." "Let me worry about U-Turn." "Just grow." "How are we doing out here?" "We'll take it." "That toilet paper's like wiping yourself with a brown paper bag." "Are your... parts okay?" "My parts are fine." "Can I go home, now?" " This place is a pity." " No, it's not." "It's... kitschy." "Like we're in a "film noir"." "It's a walk on the wild side." "Didn't you like any manucures?" "You wouldn't let me get color I wanted." " Black is not a color." " Tell that to black people." "I don't know any." "Maybe there's something good on television." "Over 2 sizzling hours of hot, young girl and girl action..." " Sweet." " No, no, we're not watching that." "Might as well just go to bed." "Fine." "Here." "How come I have to sleep on the cot?" "Because I'm the mother and you are the child." "Unless... you wanted to share the bed." "You know, we haven't done that since you were four." "How fun!" "Yeah, well, I'm not four." "And I don't have any desire to share a bed with my mother." "Why am I even here?" "Because we're spending time together." "But we don't like each other." "Maybe we just don't know each other very well." "Now, this is a chance for us to improve our relationship." "I'll get in my bed, you'll get in your bed, we'll shut off the lights, and we will really talk." "That's a condom." "Pearl inlay, on the frets parts." "That's handmade, that's a '56 Lespaul." "It should bring in about 3,000 bucks on eBay." " You should have kept running." " Hey, let's keep up alive." "And Oregon be 3 hours away, it's on American soil," "I can come visit every weekend, and... you can hang out in my room, whenever you feel sad." "Don't open the nightstand drawer." "Actually, your room isn't gonna be here." "I decided to put the house up for sale." "It's a good time to rent, with the market, and all..." "We all need to embrace change." "Good luck in the court today, champ'." "Fingers crossed for a female judge, cry if you can." "I'll keep that in mind." "It's good to embrace change, right?" "Lady brings me 7 Grand." "What'd I do with 7 Grand?" "You'd wipe your ass with 7 Grand." "This is bullshit." "Marvin, go pick up one of her kids, and break his leg." "That's all I've got." "I'm waiting on some..." "paypal payments." "I promise I'll have more for you to wipe your ass with, soon." "You go work this off and trade." "What kind of trade?" "White... slave trade." "Here." "Go there." "Tell'em I sent you." "They gonna give you a package." "Bring the package back to me." "A package of what?" "Package of whatever the fuck I tell you to pick up, bitch." "You don't have to yell at me!" " When do you need it?" " Right now." "My son's beeing sentenced today." "That's just sad." "You know, you should really get him in one of those after shool programs, instead of letting him all run wild and shit." " I'm glad you understand." " I don't understand a shit!" "Move some stuff around." "I'll do my best." "Why did you send her?" "I want to see how she do." "Please, talk to me." "Listen, I am really trying here." "Just sitting here, like some little shit ball." "Can I help you?" "My name is Miriam Walters." "I'm an officer with the state of California Child Protective Services." "Are you Mrs. Celia Hodes?" "It's pronounced Hodes." "May we have your permission to enter the premisses?" " What for?" " I must warn you that if you do not allow me entering to the premisses," "I will return with a court order." "If you still refuse me entry, you may be subject to prosecution under California State law which..." "Alright, obviously, there's some mistake." "No, there isn't." "I called them." "You little... jokester you." "I must ask you once more, Mrs. Hodes," " do I have permission to enter the premisses?" " Sure." "Enter away." "I have nothing to hide." "What are you writing?" "I'm here to determine whether this is an unsuitable environment in which to house a child." "There was a used condom in my bed." "That was not a condom!" " Then what was it?" " A plastic wrapper!" "With a reservoir tip?" "Just because this establishment may be on the lower end of the economic scale does not mean that it's unsuitable." "If you are suggesting that anything less than affluence is somehow... untoward, Ms. Walters," "I think that I need to..." "Oh yeah!" "Fuck me harder!" "... should speak to your supervisor." "Fuck me harder." " Fuck me harder!" " Yeah, yeah!" " Harder, harder, harder!" " Yeah, yeah, yeah!" "Hola." "U-Turn sent me," "I'm supposed to pick up a package." "U-Turn... para obtengo el paqueto..." " Any chance you speak french?" " Ven aqui!" "You say U-Turn sends you?" "Yeah, U-Turn, he sent me, I'm supposed to pick up a package." "Will you please tell him to open the door?" "What's the matter?" "You don't speak Spanish?" "No, I don't." "How can you live in Los Angeles and not know Spanish?" "We're almost half the population here." "Por ejemplo, if I told you..." "Conozco a este hombre que se llama U-Turn." "Would you not like that?" "Well, that depends." "What does that mean?" "It means that maybe I do know this man who calls himself U-Turn." "Then maybe you also have a package for me." "Maybe..." "I do." "I have to be in court right now, so, let's just pretend that I reached for it another few times, and each time, you grabbed it away, so..." "Where does that leave us?" "You ever get something for nothing in your life?" "I don't think so, and... it ain't gonna happen for the first time here." "What do you want?" "I want you to do the brick dance for me." "A brick dance?" "You must dance to the Great God of Mota." "And if you do it right, then you get your brick." "And if I refuse?" "No baila, no brick." "This is not a real brick dance." "Man, that's a shot of cheap tequila dance." "Now, show me a real brick dance!" "Now, what, that's a... a loose joint dance at best." "You know what?" "I've been way too sweet with you." "If you'll not do a real brick dance for me, then I cannot give you the brick." "Hold your horses, Pedro." "My name is Guillermo, not Pedro." "That was a very nice brick dance." "Tell your friend U-Turn, you tell him he's a lawn jockey now." "Hasta luego." "Yeah." "Adios." " The fuck is this?" " Your pot." "He said to tell you that "you're a lawn jockey now"." "I'm not sure what that means but I figured you 2 have some sort of... drug dealer shorthand that I'm not privy to." "You were supposed to pick up a key of Jag." " Jack?" " I had it all promised out." "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" "That would be euphemism for... heroin?" "I'm gonna kill that bean-farting motherfucker." "This is your fault, bitch!" "My fault?" "Bet your ass and you gonna make it right to me." "Look." "I'm not a gangsta, all right?" "You never told me what I was supposed to be picking up." "There's really... only so much you can reasonnably expect from me in these situations." "I did a fucking brick dance for you, okay?" "I got a parking ticket!" " A brick dance?" " I did what you told me to." "Let's just... sit down my... rational people and start..." "dialing down my debt." "You done?" "Chop that shit up, move it." "Bring me back 12.5." "12.5?" "No way I'm gonna get 12.5 for a brick." "You got 4 days." "And I'm taking the money that I gave that fucking wetback for my Jag, and I'm adding it on your tab." "Yeah." "I'm not stupid, okay?" "I know what this is worth, and it's not 12.5." "8, maybe." "13!" "I'm back, so now I got a fuck to shit up." "I ain't got anymore "shit to fuck up", okay?" "I've got kids, I've got bills!" "How am I supposed to put food on my table?" "You keep upping my debt." "Get a fucking job." "Young man, the theft you commited of those surveillance cameras was more than just a simple act of vandalism." "It was a slap in the face to this community, and the citizens who have dedicated their time ridding Agrestic of drugs." "So I'm inclined to make an example of you and your wanton disregard of civic property." "Excuse me, judge." "I'd like to speak out on behalf of my son." " He's normally very responsible." " Save it, Mrs. Botwin," "Mrs. Hodes has already beaten you to the punch." "She's explained that your family has gone through enough, and... asked me to go easy on the boy." "Silas Botwin, you're hereby sentenced to 6 months of community service." "Both you and your mother owe Mrs. Hodes a great deal of gratitude." "I think we really need to talk." "Fuck yourself, Celia." "All right, listen up." "It's my sorry-ass job inform you ass-felching salad-tossing, cum-guzzling faggots... that the butt ugly face you're staring at this very moment is one of the most important goddamn face you'll ever lay eyes upon." "That is your Battle Buddy." "Your Battle Buddy is like your Siamese twin." "He shits, you shit." "He fucks up, you fuck up." "He goes down, you go down!" "This is just like 'Nam." "Yeah, you got that right." "I can't wait to kill me some terrorists." "Are you kidding me?" "This isn't about terrorism." "We are just pawns in a chess game for control of the oil production." "Who cares?" "Bring it on, man." "Please, don't talk to me anymore." "You gonna shit when I shit." "6 weeks from today, this entire troop of girl scouts will be shipped off to Irak." "So you best pay close attention to every goddamn word that comes out of my godly mouth!" "Sergeant Bilko, hi." "I'm in the wrong place, they promised me a desk job." "Who in the hell gave you permission to break rank, you flaccid little dick!" "I just wanted to make sure..." "They promise everybody a desk job, you useless twat!" " I have eight toes." " And I got four dicks!" "So you better fall back in line before I use one of them to fuck you up the ass with!" "Now fall back in line!" "You people are losers, you are scumbags, and I am God." "It's gonna be great!" "Because I won't be responsible when you get to Irak and if you don't listen to me, guess what, you will die!" "What are you looking at, you piece of shit!" "Well..." "In light of this incident, we intend to petition the judge Inas that Mrs. Hodes only have access to her daughter Isabelle on weekends, at the house, in the presence of Mr. Hodes." "That's outrageous." "Weekends at the house unsupervised by Mr. Hodes." " Nope." " Fine." "Fine?" "What do you mean, "fine"?" "I'm the mother." "Why aren't his internal fishballs in a vise ?" "What happened to the fish?" "The fish gasps but the cow gives milk." "You dried up the cow." " Oh, so now I'm the fish..." " What the hell are they talking about?" "She's dumping your wife cause she doesn't think she'll get paid." "This is great." "I am nobody's fish." "She's right, Gina, she's not a fish." "She just drinks like one." "Fuck you all." "You want me out of your life." "Fine." "I'm out of your life." "Can we talk about this?" "No, we can't." "Silas..." "I told you this is too much." "Make the bags lighter, okay?" "Hey, biddings are up to 28,000 on Uncle Andy's guitar." "That's great, sweety." " I was just trying..." " To what, Silas?" "Help me?" "No, didn't help." "Matter of fact, made it worse." "A lot worse." "But..." "I'll tell you how you can help me now." "Make bags lighter." " Pizza!" " Wait here, I'll get it." " Nancy Botwin?" " Yes?" "Agent Fundis, DEA." "I'm here to talk about Peter Scottson." "Special Thanks to niteowl" "Special Thanks to ouazo" "Special Thanks to gilles.silberzahn" "Special Thanks to felix"