"Home to 30,000 fire hydrants, 4 million tennis balls and very liberal pooper-scooper laws." "My name is Lucky." "I'm a dog, in case you hadn't guessed, and I belong to this man." "You remember Dr Dolittle, right?" "The guy who can talk to animals?" "If you don't, let me jog your memory." "He's a doctor and he talks to animals." "Anyways, he's busier than ever." "Doctor, you've got Mr Carson at ten for a full workup." "Mr Wennington's EKG's at 12." " Mrs Bloom's got a bad rash." "I told her 11.15." " Got you." "Buster's deworming is at 12.30." "Misty's cough is back." "I put her in at one." "Then neuters." " Rotary Club dinner tonight." " Kennel Club tomorrow." "OK, push Mr Carson to 11." "I'll deworm Buster at 12, do the EKG at 12.30." "Move Misty to 1.15." "And, Lucky, stop mixing up my charts." "Last week I almost neutered Mr Panitch." "From what I hear, you'd be doing Mrs Panitch a favour." "Any time, ladies." "Thank you." "No matter how busy he got, Doc always found time to help animals." " Hi." "My name is Bandit." " How you doin', Bandit?" " And I'm a stray." " That's OK." "We're all strays." "I know how hard it is the first time." "Take your time." " One paw at a time, Bandit." " That's true." "That's right." "Never give up hope, Bandit." "And notjust Bandit." "All you dogs, listen." "Every dog in here can find a family and be somebody's best friend." "Let me hear you say that." "Say:" "I am somebody's best friend." " I am somebody's best friend." " One more time:" "I am somebody's best friend!" " I am somebody's best friend." " That's right." "That's right." "Also, there's a family in North Beach trying to find a good watchdog." "Somebody house-broken and great with kids." "Anyone got a background in security?" "That'd be Rusty." "Rusty's a watchdog." " Who's Rusty?" " Rusty..." "Oh, no." "Rusty!" " This better be important." " No, uh, never mind, Rusty." "It says "Must not lick all the time. "" "Every zoo in the country had a job for him." "He was especially good at matters of the heart." "How long's it been since you made baby turtles?" "Not that long, maybe 20 years." "It'll be 48 years next Monday." "OK, I see the problem." "Listen, I'm gonna give you these pills." " Crush 'em up and put 'em in your food." " What do they do?" "Oh..." "Oh-oh, yeah, you're lookin' fine." "Ho-ho, comin' atcha, baby!" "In fact, he became an international celebrity, travelling from Alaska to Australia." "I'm here with the world-famous Dr Dolittle, who actually speaks with animals." "Now, what we're gonna do is sneak up on and rescue this unsuspecting alligator." "We're quiet so he doesn't know we're here." "The trick with catching this alligator is to be wary of those teeth..." "Hey, Dolittle, see what I'm doing is allowing Steve to think I don't know he's back there wait until he tries to grab me, turn on him and, Bob's your uncle, bite his arm off!" "I'm gonna have to get my arm round his neck..." " Hey, Steve, he knows we're here." " Sh, don't blow the element of surprise." "Now!" "Oh!" "Crikey, me arm!" "It seemed everybody wanted a piece of the good doctor, and his family understood." " Thank you." " Well, most of them did." "But we'll get to that part in a minute." "Right now I gotta answer the door." " Yeah, who's there?" " Hey, it's me." "I forgot my key." "Open up." "Well, then I guess you'll have to beg, huh?" "Come on, boy, beg." "Come on." "Get it?" "Role reversal." "Cos usually it's the human that says to the dog..." " I know you better open up the door 'fore I..." "Just open the door, Lucky." " Seeing as you feed me, I'll let you in." " OK." "Thank you." "Thank you." " Guess who's back from France." " John?" "Hey." "Hey!" " Hey, sweetie." " How you doin'?" "Aaaah!" "I got you a present from Paris." " That's for me?" " Yes, for you, for us." " Oh!" " Yeah, I can enjoy this present as well!" "You know what would be a nice present?" "If you could keep that flock of your faithful away." "I'm sorry." "I'll talk to them later." " Daddy!" " Hey, baby." "How are you doin'?" " Look, I got you a little present from Mexico." " Ooh, gracias." "I wonder what it is." "Agh!" "Earthquake!" "911!" " No, I wouldn't shake it." " Ow, my spleen!" "That hurt!" " Oh!" "He's so cute." "Thanks, Dad." " Hey, this isn't Puerto Vallarta." "It's a chameleon." "It can change colour." "The blendmaster is in the house." "I'm gonna disappear like old baby's daddy." "Now you see me." "Boomph." "Now you don't, eh?" " No, we can still see you." " I'm not gone?" "I'm not invisible?" " You did remember it's Charisse's birthday?" " Sure." "Did you remember to get the cake?" " Charisse doesn't want a family birthday." " What's that about?" " We always celebrate together." " You have anything green?" " Take this thing to your room, please." " Guacamole?" "A zucchini?" "A big pickle?" " She's got a date." " I suck." "A date?" " A date with who?" " I didn't ask." "She's a big girl now, John." "We'll see about this date thing." "Where's the birthday girl at?" " She's unreachable." " What do you mean?" "Where is she?" "She's in her room with the door locked and headphones on." "Try paging her." "She's in the house and she's unreachable?" "!" "I'm supposed to page her in my own house?" "OK, we'll see if I'm gonna page." "I ain't paging nothin'." "Careful, Doc, she's 16." "That's a tough age." "Hey." "Charisse, open this door!" " Do you believe this?" "Hey!" " Try her cell." "I'm not calling on the cellphone while she's in her bedroom." "Hey!" "Charisse!" "Open the door!" "OK." "All right." "OK." "OK!" "Agh!" "Charisse!" "Those teenagers, Doc." "They can drive a man to drink." "Hey." " What are you drinkin'?" " Gatorade." "Oh, really?" "Give it to me." " Gatorade make wine now, huh?" " Blah!" "You better slow down." " Which one of you is Dolittle?" " What now?" " I have a message from the boss." " From the who?" "The Godbeaver." "Save the questions and come with me." "You know the rules." "You just don't come up here." "Make an appointment." "An appointment!" "Now, go!" "Tell the beaver to make an appointment." "I can't." "I'll end up sleeping with the fishes." "How's it gonna look in the paper if Dr Dolittle throws a possum off the roof?" "Not right." " Now, leave!" "Cos I will." " Watch your tone, buddy." "Charisse!" " Talk." " This is Daddy." " Hey!" " I got a couple of questions for you." "I wanna know how come I gotta climb up a side of a building to talk to you..." "Dad, where are you?" " Dad!" "Dad, what are you doing?" " What?" "This is the only way I can reach you!" "What are you doin' in here?" "What's all of this?" " You do that in public?" " Dance?" "Of course." "That's not dancing." "That's advertising." "Why don't you want a family birthday?" "Having dinner with your family is what you do when you're young, not 16." " Besides, I have a date." " Bring your date with you." "You're coming." "Cool! "Eric, my parents and my little sister will be joining us on our date. "" "No, he's gonna be joining us at a family event." "We have it every year." "I don't even know why..." " What's this?" " Dad, that's private." "I can see why it's private." "It's embarrassing." "Charisse, you got two Cs and a D on here." "Embarrassing?" "Dad, you are the last person to talk about anything being embarrassing." "What are you talkin' about?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Argh!" "So I should stop doing what I do and helping animals because you find it embarrassing?" " That's not gonna happen." " That's right it's not, so forget it." "You're comin' to dinner." "Look at this." " No cellphone for a week." " What am I gonna do without my cellphone?" "Here's some stamps." "You can learn to write a letter." "You think I care?" "Look at me." "Do I look like I care?" "Just look." "Look at me." "No, Charisse, look at me." "Do I look like I care?" "Look." "I don't care." "This is unbelievable." "She has 50 numbers in here, not one is mine." " You shouldn't be looking at that." " Why not?" ""Biggie Mack Cell. "" ""Biggie Mack Pager. " "Biggie Mack Home. "" " Who the hell is Biggie Mack?" " I don't know, John." "I'm gonna find out who Biggie Mack is." "I don't like that name." "What kind of name is that?" " What is that?" " Marcus's cellphone." " Cellphone?" " Mm-hm." " When did he get a cellphone?" " Last week." " What are you doing?" "John!" " Sh." "I'm checking out Biggie Mack." "Hello." " Hey, who is this?" " Who is this?" " Is this Biggie Mack?" " Who wants to know?" " Hey, I'm asking the questions here, punk." " What?" " How old are you?" " None of your damn business!" "What if I make it my business to find out?" " Are you threatening' me?" " I don't make threats." "I'm promising' you..." " Is this John Dolittle?" " Hi." "I'm so sorry, that's a wrong number." " It's a grown man on the end of that phone." " I wish I could say the same thing about you." " The door." " I hear the door." " Go get that door!" " Who am I" " Mr French?" "I got to get doors?" "Coming!" "Hey, Dr D. Wassup?" "It's me." "Me?" "Who's Me?" "Back up, Me." "I'm sayin', you gonna let me in?" " Dr D, what's goin' on?" " Excuse me?" "Remember me?" "Eric." "Domino's Pizza?" "Extra cheese, anchovies, tomatoes..." " You're the pizza guy." " Yeah." " Thanks, man." "Did I forget to give you a tip?" " No, you gave me somethin' better than a tip." " I'm gonna take care of you cos..." " Hey, Eric." "Wassup, baby?" "You ready?" " Whoa, whoa, wait." "This is your date?" " Dad, Eric." "Eric, Dad." " My man!" "Wassup?" "Wassup?" " Um, Eric, no." " We have to stay here and eat dinner." " Huh?" "It's cool with me." "Charisse, don't be like that." "You're gonna ruin dinner for everybody." "Come on, now." "You know what, Pops?" "Don't even sweat that, man." "I know how to take care of her." "Pops?" "When Charisse was a year and a half, she didn't want to wear diapers any more." " Remember that?" " John." "She had accidents around the house cos she didn't have it down yet." "We'd have piles..." " Dad, you had to go there, didn't you?" " Come on, this is family." " It's cool." "I'm actually learning' something." " Really?" "Interesting you never learnt to take off your hat at the table." "Isn't your head getting hot?" "Mine is, just lookin' at you in that hat." "Sixteen!" "Just think, Charisse, in two years you'll be out of this house and off to college." "One year, ten months, sixteen days." "Berkeley's a close college." "If you went there, you could live at home and save money." "That's a good idea, but I've reserved a U-Haul for the day I graduate high school." "Oh." "You've reserved a U-Haul already?" "Uh, Dad, someone to see you." "Yo." "Step outside." " Thank you, sweetie." "Excuse me, darling." " Bye, Dad." "Love you." "I love you too." "Excuse me, Eric." " Yeah." "Hey, yo." "Yo, down here." "OK." " Now, what do you want?" "First of all, the beaver sends birthday greetings to your lovely daughter." "Oh, really?" "Very nice." "Go tell the beaver he's getting on my nerves." "Oh, what you gettin' bent out of shape for?" "He only wants a moment of your time." " What if I say no?" " You don't wanna go down that road." "Tell the beaver eight o'clock, my office, tomorrow." "Oh!" "The beaver don't travel for nobody." "He knows you're busy and he'll remember this but this is truly a life-or-death situation." "All right, shut up." "Listen." "My car, 7am." "All right?" "Hey, this is good news." "The beaver likes good news." " Thank you." " Jimmy, get the car." "# Happy birthday to you" " # Happy birthday!" " # Happy birthday, dear Charisse" "# Happy birthday" "# Happy birthday to you" "Come on, blow your candles out and make a wish." "Wee!" "Surprise!" " Happy birthday!" " It's your birthday." "It's your birthday." "There's a mouse in the house!" " Give me that." " I am licking the candles." " Oh, yeah?" "You can lick my fat, funky..." " Don't be a piggy." " Charisse, I'm so sorry." " Ooh, ouch." "Watch the fur." "We're doing somethin' nice for your daughter." "I bet if a cute little kitty popped out, you'd say "How cute. "" "But you're not." "Listen, you're not a couple of cute little kitties." " We are." " You're two disgusting rats..." " We're not." "... that ruined the cake." "You wanna get personal now?" "You know what "rats" spelt backwards is?" "It's "star"!" " That's right." "I'm a star, buddy." " Is that right?" " Do you know what "ha" spells backwards?" " Um, no..." "Ah!" "Exactly!" " Could it be?" " Yes, it is!" "Diapers!" "And my favourite:" "Chocolate." " Say "Maya"." " Maya." " Maya." " Maya." " What are you doing?" " I think he's about to say something." "Bring me a bone." "And a large order of flies." "Supersized." "You will be bring me ham, luncheon meats, cold cuts." " Lucky, out." " Maya, can I talk to Charisse alone a second?" "OK." "Come on, boy." "Charisse, look, I'm sorry about tonight." "I'm thinking about cutting back a bit and spending more time around here with you." " Great." "More animals'll be here." " What if we don't stay?" "We can go on a vacation to Europe, the whole family." "What about that?" " Are you serious?" " I'm dead serious." "We can go to Paris, Rome." "We always talked about that." "Let's do it." "What do you think?" "Is this a bribe?" "Yes, this is a bribe." " It's working." " Doc, one other thing I forgot to tell..." " Tomorrow!" " What?" " Tomorrow." " Tomorrow." "Yeah." "European vacation." "So tomorrow." "Tomorrow we're going to Europe!" "Tomorrow." "So Doc, the raccoon and the possum took a road trip to meet this mysterious beaver." " Hey, Doc, nice wheels." "Whaddaya call this?" " Oh, this is a Mustang." " Yo, Doc, is there a car named after me?" " No, I don't think they make a Possum." " Why not?" " Not a lot of cars named after rodents." "I wanna go over some ground rules for when you meet the beaver." "Number one:" "No sudden movements." "Number two:" "Do not stare at his teeth." "Between you and me he has a slight overbite." "I personally think he needs braces, but I'm not a dentist." "Numbers three through ten:" "You'll treat him with the respect he deserves." "Capeesh?" "We're talkin' about a beaver, right?" " Hey, Tootie, how you doin'?" " Hey, Doctor, how are you?" "Hey, back away from him, Jimmy." "Show some respect, you animals." " The raccoon got the doctor." " He says he's a miracle worker." " Hello?" " Paulie, get the boss ready." "Doin' everythin' you say, Joey." "Doin' everythin' like you told me." "I'm gonna go get some acorns." "Yeah, Dr Dolittle, I presume." "Welcome to my den." " Would you like a fish?" " Oh, no, thank you." "I've eaten already." "Hey, the beaver offers you a fish, you take the fish." " Joey, shut up." " Sorry, boss." "I've heard good things about you from some of the Bay Area families." "From the Bay Area families?" "Really?" "What are you guys, some kind of Mafia?" "Mafia?" "No." "We don't know nothin' about no Mafia." "Do we, boys?" " Nah, never heard of it." " That's a myth." "I'm just a simple fisherman blessed with many friends." "Perhaps you'll be one of them." " What do you guys want from me?" " Well, I'm losin' my territory." " What, the other animals movin' in on you?" " Yeah." "The human kind." "They're cuttin' down our homes, bustin' up families." " They're cuttin' down the whole forest." " You're talking to the wrong person." "You need to contact one of those nature groups like the Sierra Club or..." "It has to be you, Doc." "You're the only one who knows how to speak human." "Yeah, we can't fight humans on our own." "They got guns, knives and pullout couches." "Sure, I got rabies, I could bite somebody." "But I can only do so much." " You have no idea what I'm talking about." " Sure I do." "It's man against nature." "But with you on our side, I like the odds." "Me on your side?" "I didn't say I was gonna help you." "I didn't say." "Doctor, before you say no, I would like you to see what we're talkin' about." "It's gone." "Everything... gone." " How do you save a forest?" " It's not gonna be easy, John." "I would assume the lumber companies have a lot of clout." "But I do know, if there were a threatened or an endangered species in the forest there definitely are laws that protect it." " How am I gonna find out if there are?" "Well... you could ask Eugene." "We found an endangered species of bear, a female whose mother had been killed." " She's the only Pacific Western bear there." " That's good." "One bear has to be protected." "Well, no." "The lawyers for Potter's Logging Company argued, since she's the only one there's no chance for survival anyway." "There'd have to be a male, too." " Pardon me." " Get a male and let nature take its course." "Unfortunately, the only male Pacific Western bear we could find was raised in captivity." "Never has a bear raised in captivity been successfully reintroduced to the wild." "They've never had the love doctor makin' the intros." " Psst!" "Doctor." " Excuse me a second." "Your man left the barn door open." " Is somethin' wrong?" " Uh, the... uh..." "Oh, jeez." "Hope that Bamm Bamm didn't see that." " No, the giraffe is the one that was disgusted." " I am so sorry." " I know you're really disappointed." " Disappointed?" "About not going to Europe?" " Now, Dad, why would I be disappointed?" " I made you a promise." "I'm gonna stick to it." "If you don't want me to do it, I'll understand." "I can say no and not feel guilty for the rest of my life?" "When do we leave?" "As soon as we get a court order to stop the cutting." "Who's gonna argue the case?" " Wh..." "Why you lookin' around?" " Me?" "What "me"?" "Not me." "You." " No, no, no." " Yes, yes, yes." " No, no, no, no." " Yes, yes, yes, yes." " No." " For the animals." "For the animals." " For the animals?" "I don't do animal law." " Do it for the animals." "That's specieism." "You're a specieist." "You're a specieist!" "No, Your Honour." "We're simply asking for an injunction to have a chance to save a species." "Your Honour, this is a delaying tactic/publicity stunt." "Saving a species?" "I have affidavits signed by a range of experts who all concur that to take a bear raised in captivity and reintroduce it into the wild is, well, dangerous and irresponsible." "A bear raised by "circus folk" wouldn't know how to feed itself or interact with real bears let alone make it through its first winter." "No." "It would certainly succumb to Darwin's law of nature:" "Survival of the fittest." " Actually..." " Well, yeah, but Darwin's never met my dad." "Young lady, that's inappropriate behaviour." "And just who is your father?" "Sir, Your Honour, that's me." "I'm her father." "Name's Dolittle." " Dr Dolittle." " Dr Dolittle?" "Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame bear and mate it in the wild with a female?" "Yes, I do, Your Honour." "In that case, I'll grant a one-month's delay on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove." " For one month, Dr Dolittle." "That's it." " Thank you, sir." "And, Doctor, if that bear should so much as set one paw in a camp site or this town I'll rescind this order immediately." "I understand completely." "Thank you." "Thank you, Your Honour." "Dr Dolittle!" "Over here!" "Dr Dolittle, you speak to both domestic and wild animals." "Can the circus bear relate to a forest bear?" "Well, I only know that he's been living in captivity so I'm sure he'll be really happy to return to the wild." "So much for a family vacation." "But Doc figured "How hard could this be?"" "That was before he met Archie." "Ladies and gentlemen, he's the bear with flair, the walkin' rug with an adorable mug." "Archie the bear!" "# Get your motor runnin'" "# Head out on the highway!" "They love me." "Go." "# Born to be wild" "Archie!" "Oh!" "Ow!" "Archie!" "And that's the show!" "Phew!" "Big-boned gal, huh?" " Yeah, I guess so." " You got any action shots?" "No, but you'd be lucky to wind up with somebody like her." "Oh, look, I have had so many girlfriends, you know..." "OK, look, I've never had a girlfriend, but bring her by on Monday." "That's when I'm dark, OK?" "No, I can't bring her here." "You have to go to her." " Whoa, whoa." "Go to her?" "Where?" " She's in the forest." "Ooh, I don't play forests." "I'm strictly state-fair, small-arena-type bear." " Archie, do you know what bear you are?" " Um, let's see." "Yes." " I'm a singer, dancer, three years' tap." " No, Archie, you're an endangered species." "Hey, is that a threat, buddy?" "Because my lawyer will be down..." "It's not a threat." "I'm saying you're a rare bear." "You're a Pacific Western bear." " You know what that is?" " Yes." "I can play any kind of bear." "I've got grizzly, panda, polar." "Check out my polar:" " "I am freezing!" "It is cold!"" " OK, I haven't made it clear enough." " Your ancestors come from California." " Yes, blah, blah..." "At six months, they took you from your mother and taught you to wiggle your hips to a recording of "Hound Dog"." "No, I taught myself that." "I admit, I pander cos I'm a pander bear!" "Get it?" "Yes, funny stuff, Archie." "But what I'm proposing is I'd like to take you back to where your ancestors roamed and teach you to be a real bear." "Look, I like the bear I am, OK?" "I'm famous." "Have you been in the gift shop?" "I have my own Beanie Baby." "You do this, you'll be the most famous bear in all the world." " Bigger than Pooh?" " Are you kiddin' me?" "You pull this off, they'll be sayin' "Winnie the Who?"" "You've got yourself a bear." "And, in what must be one of the most unusual stories of the year Dr John Dolittle is trying to rewrite the laws of nature by attempting to reintroduce a performing bear into the wild." "And, in doing so, he hopes to save an entire forest from destruction." " It's Darwin versus Dolittle." " Oh, get over yourself." "Governor, I've got two lumber mills waiting for that wood." "I understand, Joe, but it's complicated, especially if that endangered bear survives." " If I don't meet my quota, you'll be in danger!" " Now, now, JP." "Not to worry." "That ridiculous bear is bound to screw up at least once." "When he does, you'll have yourself a new trophy." "And I've gotjust the place to put him." "So we all moved to the forest and waited for Archie to arrive." "Now, while the family got settled, it was time I started looking out for number one." "Ha-ha!" "This looks like it's as good a place as any here." "Ah, the simple pleasures of life." "Holy Lord." "That wolf is a fox." "I hope I don't have dog breath from licking my own..." "Never mind." "Oh, you like that?" "Yeah, that was me." "Plenty more where that came from, know what I mean?" "Grr to you, too." "What is that?" "Some kind of secret wild-lady-dog code for "You like me"?" "Yeah, I do some dancing." "Here's a move I call the backscratcher." "Pretty cool, huh?" "Hey, hot lady dog, wait." "Where are you goin'?" "Call me." "And so the big day finally came and I had a feeling the fur was gonna fly." "You all know why we're here." "We're about to do something that's never been done before." "And everyone thinks that we can't pull this off, and they got their trucks ready to roll." "We're gonna prove 'em wrong, right?" "That's right." "I want everybody to put their claws together and how about a big round of applause for the bear who'll lead the way?" "Let's hear it for Archie!" "Yeah!" "Come on!" "Are you ready to save the forest?" "Well, put your paws up." "Put your paws up." "Come on, now." "Put..." "Is this some kind ofjoke?" "I wanna go serious on you for a second." "I know I've got my work cut out for me but with your help, I know one thing." "Now." "Go." "# I will survive Yes, I will survive" "# Oh, yes, I know how to love I know I'll stay alive" "# Yes, I will survive" "# For as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive" "# Everybody!" "Dah, dah, dah..." " We're dead." " Never more." " This show's over." " Let's go fool around." " You got your work cut out for you, Doc." " OK, I'm done." "That's good." "Turn it off." "You're not real." "You're Wayne Newton in a suit." "It's so dirty." "Look at my paws." "Yes, it's the woods." "Its chief component is dirt." " Wait." "Doc, is that her?" "She's a babe." " Yeah, that's her." "Oh, look at the way she moves." "Man, would I love to see her wet." " I'm gonna introduce you." "Wait here, OK?" " Yeah, good." "Hey, tell her I really dig her fat pouch, but don't be crude." " I'll try to work that in." " OK." "Good." "Wait." "Hey." "God." "Oh, are you coming over here?" "I'm a little busy foraging." " Hi." "Hello." "My name is John." " I'm Ava." "Hi, Ava." "That's a pretty name." "Nice to meet you." " Hi." " A quick question, Ava." "How would you like to meet the man of your dreams?" " You're real cute, but I don't go interspecies." " Oh, no, I'm not talking about me." "I shouldn't have said man." "I should've said bear." "What do you think of that big hunk of bear over there?" "Um, I don't think I see him." " Oh, is he standing behind that dork?" " Oh, no, he is..." "Let me explain what's going on." "A logging company's gonna tear down the whole forest." "And the only thing that can stop them is if I can get two Pacific Western bears together." "You're a Pacific Western bear, so is he." "If you two made little Pacific Western bears, then..." " You see where I'm going?" " Yeah." "Look, I don't talk to bear pimps." "Wait." "At least let me call him over." "Please?" "Hey, Archie, come over here." "Hey, Johnny, there you are." "Come on, I thought we could go work out." "Jeez." " OK, Archie, you're on." " What do I say to her?" " Get to know her." "Tell her about yourself." " Hi, I'm Archie." "I like moonlit walks on the beach, sharing slop buckets with that special someone and soulful sounds of the Backstreet Boys." " You're very weird." " Weird as in sexy?" "No, just weird." " Archie, let me take it from here." "It was good." " OK..." "Damn!" "So, Ava... what do ya think of Archie?" "Cute, huh?" " Don't make me eat you." " Oh, stop that." "He's uncomfortable around females at first, but..." "That's not even really the point." "I need a real bear." "Someone who can hunt and protect and provide for me." " Oh, OK, I can understand that." " Oh, and I'm already involved with someone." "Really?" "You have a boyfriend already?" "A bearfriend." " Are you in love with this bear?" " Love?" "My cousin married for love." "Next thing she knows he's two-timing her with this hot grizzly in a cave up north." " So you're not in love?" " No." "Let's make a deal." "Don't make any decisions for a month." "I'll work with Archie." "In a month I'll turn that bear into a bear you will be proud to have bear cubs with, OK?" "Check it out!" "I've flipped for you!" "Pine cone." " Hey." " Hey." "Mm." " Mm, perfect night." " Mm-hm." "Sittin' out here, breathing' this fresh air, listenin' to the crickets chirp." "Yup." "You know what the crickets are saying?" "I don't know what they're saying." "I don't speak to animals, you do." "Monkeys don't ask me for a forty ounce." "I don't say "Can I help you, little animal?"" " Whoa." " I listen to music." " Do you see me talking to the animals?" " Whoa." "Slow it down." "I was just gonna tell you crickets are nature's thermometers." "You can tell how cold it is by how fast they chirp." "OK." " It seems a little cold out here, doesn't it?" " Yeah." "A little nippy." "Maybe I need to go get my vest." "Yeah." "Yo." "Fake Dr Dre and Snoop." "Hey, and get a tune-up, man." "Get a tune-up." " Yo, wassup, baby?" " Hey, Eric." " Mmmm." " Oh..." "Hey!" "Hey!" "You left your homey!" " Wassup, Dr D?" " I don't know." "Maybe you should tell me." "Yo." "I came to visit." "Since y'all love me so much, I was gonna stay a while, if it was cool." "Oh, no, no." "Hell, no." "Charisse, I don't understand." " What's not there to understand, Dad?" " Eric with bags." " He's staying for a few nights." "Mom said so." " Oh, your mother said so." "Oh." "OK, Eric, you're gonna be on the floor in the living room in a sleeping bag if you don't have a problem with that." "And, by the way, Eric, I'm watching you." "And notjust me." "I got eyes all around the woods." "I talk to birds." " Thanks, Dad." " Yes." "So watch your back." " I hear you." " Yeah, you feel me?" "OK." "All right." "I'm watching..." "I'm watching you, Eric." "I'm watching your back!" "Bears are opportunistic eaters, finding food wherever they can..." " Can we please see what else is on?" " No, we can't see what else is on." "You need to watch this, Archie, to learn how to feed yourself and survive in the winter." " What is he doing, digging'?" " Never wondered why you have sharp claws?" "Uh, no." " Bears are excellent swimmers." " Not this bear." "You're not gonna tell me you can't swim?" "Wait, you haven't heard?" "There's a new invention." "It's called:" "The boat." "That's the last straw." "We're getting up at the crack of dawn and I'm teaching you to fish." " How about noonish?" " Unbelievable." "So began the Bearathon, a training mission so grisly, so un-bear-able, so hairy..." "OK, enough." " All right, Archie, this river's full of fish." " Yup." "So is Red Lobster." "Hey, don't look at me." "Look at the water." "They're moving." "Oh, one just touched me." "One just touched me!" "Look, you big furry baby, put your face in that water and grab a fish." " No." " Archie, do just like you saw on TV." "Put your face under the water and catch a fish." "You can do it." "I'm here with you." "Go on." "All right." "I'll try it." "All right. 1, 2, 3." " That's Archie!" " Wassup?" " Wassup?" " Wassup?" "Oh, wassup?" "OK." "OK, get one." "Archie!" "Hey!" "Archie!" "Archie!" "Tell me how smart you have to be to lift your head out of the water when you can't breathe." "I saw a light." "It was a bright light." "It was beautiful." " OK, that's it." "We're gonna toughen you up." " What?" "What?" " We'll find something even you can catch." " I saw my grandma." " Go on, eat." " Oh, I..." " Come on, eat!" " I don't eat the..." "I'm good, thanks." " OK, am I close?" " Cold." "Use the Force." " Colder?" "Warmer?" " Arctic." " So, how's it going?" " Great." "I'm not even gonna need three weeks." "Honey, he's already foraging grapes." " Why's he walking' away from 'em?" " He's not walkin' away." "He's circling them." " Why?" "Are they dangerous grapes?" " No, no." "The grapes aren't dangerous, Eric." " Seriously, where are the grapes?" " Don't worry." "We're right on schedule." "Ah, gettin' dizzy." "Oh!" "I'm OK!" "The concrete broke my fall!" "Definite bruise." "Explain this again." "I'm supposed to climb into a small, dark space and sleep for six months?" " That's what bears do." "It's called hibernation." " Sounds more like depression." " Wait, how do I eat?" " You don't eat." "You eat a lot during the summer and that lasts you throughout the winter." " And the bathroom?" " There's no going to the bathroom." "What?" "You kiddin'?" "I'm serious." "What you do is a week before you hibernate you start eatin' things like dirt and moss and hair and grass and it forms a big plug in your, um..." "It plugs up your..." "Well, you know." " It blocks my butt?" " Oh, yeah, blocks it all up with this big, nasty, hairy plug of hair and grass." "Big, nasty plug." "Whoa, whoa, wait." "So you want me to sleep for six months with a big cork in my butt?" " Yeah, that's the idea of it." " OK, goodbye." " Hey, Archie." "Archie, come back here!" " Nope, I'm gone." "See ya." " Headin' south?" " Archie, no one'll pick up a hitchhiking' bear." "I'll split the gas and sit in the back with the kids." " Come on, Archie." "Stop it." " Sorry, Doc." "This isn't workin' out." "I almost drowned." "Ava doesn't like me." "I'm sick and tired of your complaining." "Look up in this tree." "What do you see, huh?" " Bird." " Right." "A bird in his home." "On the branch below is a squirrel in his home and by the fence is a rabbit in his home." "All these animals are depending on you." "You can do this." "Just listen to your inner bear." "Just trust him." "He'll tell you what to do." "Trust him." "Come on." "OK, but I gotta tell you my inner bear has a problem with the butt-plug." "That's it." "I'm gonna show you what happens to animals that don't have a home." "Hello, Clarice." " Doc, this isn't really necessary." " It's time for a little tough love." "Come on." "Looky here." "What's the matter, boy?" "Couldn't make it on the outside?" "Hey, come on in, powder puff." " Right." "Go on in there." " Wha..." "Why?" "There's a couple of bears that wanna meet you." "Go." "I'll just sit over on that side of the cell." "I'm tired of this madness." " I'll bite you!" " Yes." "Dolittle." "Oh, hi, honey." "Don't like to hunt or fish?" "Know what I'd give to be in the forest instead of in this dump?" " God." "Doc!" " Oh, do I hear someone talking'?" "See, that's the problem with kids today - no respect." "Kid thinks he knows my life." " I think he needs us to teach him a lesson." " No, I just..." "I'm gonna give him a bear hug." "Let me give you a bear hug, Tiny." "No, it's going well." "I finally got this under control." " # Her name was Lola" " Yeah!" " # She was a show bear" " Let me call you back." "# With yellow feathers in her hair" " # And her dress cut down to there" " Where?" " # At the Copa, Copacabana..." " Doc, everyone in this place loves musicals." "I'm kidding." "I get it." "I'll try harder." "Meanwhile, while the cat's away the mice will play." "And by mice, I mean teenagers." " Are your eyes still closed?" " Here they come." " You did all this?" " OK, boys." "Remember what the doc said?" "If he gets fresh, we let him have it." "Capeesh?" " I got wings, legs, tacos, whatever." " Taco?" "Did somebody say "taco"?" "No, no, blend in, blend in." "You're gonna blow our cover." "Charisse, there's somethin' I've been meanin' to do since we got out here." "Really?" "What's that?" "This." "Now!" "He French-kissed me!" "Brragh!" "Pah!" "Now that worked out nicely." "The drinks are on me, Jenny." "Meanwhile the doctor gave Archie and me some lessons of our own." "Leave a little for me." "Technically it's my..." " Just a thought." " Hey, what's goin' on here?" "I've been so blessed, I feel I should give back to the hot lady dog." "You don't have to put up with that." "Hey, get outta here." "Yah!" "Go!" "Yah!" " That is one hot fox!" " What's the matter with you two?" "Every female looks for the strongest male." " But what about personality?" " I'm gonna die a virgin." "Shut up and listen." "The strongest male is called the alpha male." "He's the big boss." "He wants everybody to know it." "You have to be him." "The boss of all the males." "The alpha male." "You have to learn how to walk like the alpha male." " Walk the walk." " Walk the walk." " Right." "Talk the alpha male talk." " I'm still on the walk." "It's about power and respect." "It's about pure, unchecked, uncompromised testosterone-driven male power!" " John, I asked you to line the garbage pails." " You line 'em your damn self, woman!" " What?" " Sorry, honey." "I was talkin' to the animals." " I got riled up." "I was teaching 'em something." " Stop messing with them." "Get us some food." "I'm on my way." "Gonna get the food, honey." " Go." " On my way." " Way to go, alpha male." "Talk the talk." " Shut up!" " Who are you telling to shut up?" " I wasn't talking to you." "I was talking to them." "I'm going to get the food." " You sure you don't want another one?" " No, I'm fine." "OK." "I got a question." "Let's say you spend your whole life in show business..." "What's gonna be your big finish?" "Every act has one." "Big finish?" "Check it out:" "San Francisco Bee "The best thing about Archie's act is when it's finished. "" "No, I mean in life." "Who you gonna share your success with?" "Your hopes, dreams, fears and failures?" "Everything I do wouldn't mean anything, if I didn't have my wife and kids to go home to." "Sometimes I do get very lonely." "I've never been in love." "OK, this is your big chance." "I think Ava really likes you." "Did she say something?" "What did she say?" "You gotta learn to read between the lines sometimes." " She loves me?" "I knew it!" " Let's not get carried away." "All right, Archie?" "I feel like I'm about to burst." "So this is what love feels like, right?" "Oh." "Or maybe it's the marshmallows." "It's the marshmallows cos you ate a whole bag of 'em." "Doc, tomorrow you're gonna see a brand-new bear." "Archie, I think I'm gonna call it a night." "Don't go." "It's a little scary out here for me." "Just... can you stay here till I fall asleep?" "I'll wait till you fall asleep, then I'm leaving." " Hey, Doc?" " Yes." "Can you leave that light on?" "OK." "Light stays on." "I'll keep these here, OK?" " Night, Archie." " Night, Doc." "If you want a marshmallow, you just gotta ask me, OK?" "Look out, Ava!" "There's a new Archie in town!" "Oh, yeah, that feels good!" "Feel it comin'!" "Feel the burn!" "Feel the wind!" "Feel the muscle cramp." "Ow." "Agh!" " Ow." " Come on, Archie." "Don't quit." "Let's go." "I think I pulled my butt muscle." "Ouch, it stings." "My butt stings." "Could you rub my butt?" "Could you rub it, please?" "Rub my butt." "Back here, rub my butt." "Please, rub my butt." "Doc finally realised he was never gonna make Archie fast or strong enough to impress Ava." "But maybe... maybe he could make him sweet enough." " Wow." "How could anybody be so beautiful?" " Why not go down there and tell her that?" "I don't know..." "Oh, my..." "What is that?" "That's Sonny." "That's her little bear friend." "She told me about him." " But he's a Kodiak bear." " Don't get discouraged." "You'll win her over." "The key to winning a woman over is you just figure out what she likes." " Take my wife..." " Please!" " Don't." "This is serious." " I'm sorry." " My wife, she likes to be surprised." " Like jumping out the bushes, screaming?" "No, nothing like that." "They like romance." "Do something that says "I'm thinking about you all the time." "You're always on my mind. "" "Wow, that's really nice." "You do stuff like that all the time?" "I used to." "But lately I've been all caught up in this, so I guess I'm a little outta practice." "Candles, fruit, cheese, wine." "Perfect." " What are you doing?" " Oh, hey, honey." "I'll tell you what I was doing." "It's about you tonight, baby." "Yes." "I sent the children off to the movies and the bear is camping in the woods." " We're all alone." " Oh, yes." "All alone." " One second." " No, you cannot see me." "I am at one with the couch." "I am blended perfectly, interwoven into every fibre." "I..." " Oops." "I can give you pointers." " Found him." "No more intrusions." "Come on, it ain't no fun if the homies can't see nothin'." "Where were we?" "You were thinking a few candles and some wine would make up for ignoring me." "I'm sensing resistance." "I took that into consideration." "I know something you can't resist." " Is this our wedding song?" " That's not fair." "The first thing you danced to as Mrs Dolittle." " The show is about to start." " What show?" "It is!" "It truly is." "# Truly" "# I'm truly in love with Mrs Dolittle" "# Truly in love with you, girl" "Oh, he is so good." "Let me tell you." "He scratched my belly the other day." "My leg went crazy." " Hey, what's goin' on?" " Apparently, he's truly, truly in love with her." "Hey, Doc, give her some garbage." "Chicks like garbage." "How about planting a little sugar on Dr D's lips, huh?" " I think I can do that." " Oh, really?" " Mm-hm." " Go, Doctor!" "Go, Doctor!" "Oh!" " Ow!" " He broke her." "Get outta here!" "All of you!" " This ain't no peepshow!" " But this is helpful." "I'm learnin' a lot." " Truly." " Get out." "We'll discuss it tomorrow." " Oh-oh." "Busted." " You're gonna discuss what tomorrow?" "Well, I was..." "I was..." "Well, baby, why don't we just pick it up where we left off?" " Baby." " Hm?" "Why don't you sleep on the couch?" "Wait, what did she say, Doc?" "She said she loves me so much I get to sleep on the couch." "You're the man." "Yes, I'm the man." "I'm the man on the couch." "Psst!" "Hey, Doc." "Homeo's on the move." "His hormones are raging." "There he goes." "Hold it." "I was only goin' to the bathroom." "You can hold it." "I know that trick." " Hey, hey, baby." " Hi." "What's wrong with your voice?" "You're lookin' mighty fine." "So why don't you plant some of that sugar over here on my... on Archie the..." "# Truly" "Oh, no." "Is that our song?" "Whoa!" "Argh!" "Ow!" "Hard ground!" "Back." "You should maybe learn how to climb trees, truly!" "That's a bruise." " Hey, come on out of there, Archie." " Never." " I'm sure it wasn't that bad." " It was the most humiliating thing I've done!" "And I once rode a unicycle in a tutu." "A tutu!" "God!" " We can fix this." "We just have to work harder." " No, I'm just gonna stay here and hibernate." " Stay." "We'll make our own bear suit." " No, Archie's fine." "Good, cos we were wondering if every animal in the forest could stay with you next week." "All right, Archie, I'm not playin' any more." "Come out now, you big coward!" "Uh, excuse me, who are you calling a coward?" "You." "I'm calling you a coward." "You're a big coward for quitting!" " It's hard." " You know what hard is?" "My wife and daughter are mad at me and I'm spending my vacation with a pizza boy who says "Yo, Dr D, wassup?"" "Now I'm listening to a big, furry baby crying, who wants to quit cos it's too hard." " Ava laughed at me." " Oh, boohoo. "Ava laughed at me. "" "I love her and I need her and she laughed at me!" "You don't deserve Ava." "Why should Ava have to be with a coward like you?" "Hey, don't poke the bear, buddy." "I didn't poke a bear." "If I did, it'd be maulin' me." "I don't know what I poked, but not a bear!" " Hey, I'm warnin' you." " And I'm poking' you." " Stop it." " Poke, poke, poke!" "All right, that's it!" "Argh!" "Umph!" "Archie, it hurt." "Hey, that felt good." "Bear-like." "Archie, you're beyond my help." "Take your ass back to the circus." "A bear?" "I'm a bear!" "I'm the alpha bear!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Bears say "Grr", right?" " What happened to you?" " Archie!" "I... you know..." "Potter called." "He wants to make a deal." "Just listen to what he has to say." " It's for you, madame." " Thanks." " So, does Sonny bring you fish?" " No, not a fish." "Usually about a hundred." "A hundred?" "Wait." "No." "He can't carry that many." "OK, but does Sonny tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen?" "Does he promise to fill your life with love, poetry, laughs?" "No." "No." "Mostly he just asks me when I think I'll be in heat." " Prince Charming, huh?" " Yeah." "So when is that?" " Do you wanna go for a walk?" " With you or alone?" " With me." " OK!" "This isn't a walk." "We're running." "Why do we always have to run?" "# I got you now and I just wanna show you how to play" "# Goose bumps on your body guide the way" "# I wanna go all night Ain't no stoppin' till the breakin' of the dawn" "# I wanna go inside every corner Girl, you really turn me on" "# I wanna go knock knock Our bodies to the beat" "# And when the morning comes we'll let the sun shine..." "Yup, there was love in the air." "Be the man." "Be the man." "Be... the... man." "Hey, now you listen to me." "Yeah, that's right." "You're in my house now." "Yeah, my house." "Also my house." "All these are my houses." "Hey, you're a lucky girl, you know that?" "You're the lucky one, not me." "You." "Yeah." "You wanna go out with me tonight?" " Hey, what do you think you're doing?" " Who, me?" "No, I'm not doing anything." "I'm just, you know, assuming the position." "Hey, you marked my tree." "Oh, no, I would never do that." "I would never mark your tree." "I don't even know what those words mean." "I drank a lot of water." "It goes right through me." " Come on, it smells like lemonade." " Oh, yeah." "Oh, I see your point." "Yours is very, very strong." "It's like ammonia." "I'm actually getting dizzy, to tell you the truth." "Come on, let's beat it." "We're leaving." "You two are going?" "Well, have fun." "You make a very handsome couple." "God, I hate myself." " Wow." " Yeah." " Bears have died trying to reach that hive." " Well, if you want it, you got it." " Don't even think about it." "That's not funny." " No, I'm gonna get it for you." " Archie, I'm serious." "It's too dangerous." " OK." " Promise me." " OK." " I like you, Ava." " I like you too, Archie." " Oh, what are you girls doin' over here?" " Sonny, don't." " Beat it, circus boy." " Sonny." " Oh, you keep your yap shut." " Your charm is matched only by your odour." " And what does that mean?" " Just that you're a malodorous ignoramus." "What is he sayin'?" "I'm confused." "I don't like bein' confused." " Yeah, he really doesn't." " You'd think he'd get used to it, huh?" " Let's go, Ava." "Tryin' to confuse me." " Ava, don't go." "You can do better than me, but don't do worse." "I thought you liked me." "Of course I do, but you'll always be a city bear, and I need more than that." "City bear." "Great." " Shall we put all our cards on the table?" " Of course." "This bear you brought up here has as much likelihood of making little babies as Riley." "Ain't gonna happen." "On the other hand, thanks to you, I'm not exactly drowning in favourable publicity." "So here's my offer." "I'll set aside ten acres, turn it into a sanctuary." "You can bring all your animal buddies there." "Plus, you'll be saving face." "You won't have to admit you failed." "You don't look like a fool." " Ten acres is ridiculous." " That's the offer!" "The deadline is Wednesday at 12 noon." "At 12.01 we'll be sending in every logger, every piece of logging equipment we've got." "By Friday there won't be a tree standing." " I need to run this by my wife." " Excellent idea." "There's a payphone out back." "Excuse me." "Calling the wife." "Always a sign of weakness." "Hey, Johnny." " What are you doing here?" " Doc, I know what to do." "I got my big finish." " Look, come in here, quick." " All right." "Hey, I don't think I'm allowed in here." "OK, listen." "I gotta tell you, this thing is over." "I'm sorry I dragged you into this." "I might have to get you an audition in Vegas cos these guys offered me a deal." "No, no, the best you can do is not give up on me, Doc." "Come on, you told me!" " "Listen to your inner bear. " Remember?" " I don't know, Archie." "Look, I know how I can win Ava!" "OK." "I know I'm nuts or something, but I'll give you one more chance." " Yes!" "Yes!" " OK, let me get over there." " Oh-oh." "Oh-oh." " "Oh-oh" what?" "What's the problem?" " Ice cream is acting up." " What ice cream?" "I got depressed after Sonny and Ava and I went on a bender." "By the second gallon I realised I love Ava and this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia"." " Hey, don't you dare throw up on me." " Oh!" "That's not where it's gonna come out." " Wait!" "You gotta do that, sit on the toilet." " I can't hold it." " You gotta lift the lid up first." " This is not gonna be big enough." "Oh, boy!" "You'll be fine." "Just sit there." "I'm gonna keep guard outside." "Just take care." "Hey." "Be with you in a second." "I'm taking care of business." " Who you talking to in there?" " I'm talking to myself." " Sometimes you gotta coax it down." " Right." "Give my sphincter a little pep talk." "Excuse me." "Come on down, you." " Oh, my God!" " I gotta stay." "Let me get the window open." " Don't do nothing till I get it open." " Oh-oh." "The window only opens a bit." "That's not enough." "Oh, hey!" "You're doin' it, aren't you?" " There she goes!" "Whoo!" " It's worse than I imagined it would be." " Whoo!" " Archie!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh, Archie!" "You just had ice cream?" "That's notjust ice cream." " Oh, Archie!" " It ain't that bad." "Come on." "Whoo!" "Gentlemen, no deal." "Thanks for your time." "Hm?" "Was that me?" " Can you hear me, Pepito?" " Stop staring." "You're giving me a complex." " I'm trying to blend." " If you can hear me, match the table colour." " What are you doing?" " I think he understands me." "If he understood me, I'd tell him how sick I am of these animals." "That really hurt." "If you understood me, I'd tell you to cure your dandruff flakes." "It's like Christmas in July." " I hate this place." " So young, so angry." "Damn that rap music." " Hey." " Hey." "So, how'd it go?" " Well, I told Potter no deal." " I thought it wasn't working with Archie." "Archie's got an idea." "He thinks he can win Ava over, so I'm gonna see this through." "So that means we're stuck here?" "Oh." " Charisse!" " Hey, Charisse." "Hey!" "Charisse!" "It's a long walk back to the city." " We're not getting on, are we?" " I wanna go home." "I wanna go home too, but there's something else that's bothering you." "I'm not saying it's your fault." "Maybe it's mine, maybe it's a phase you're going through." "Your mother thinks you got a problem you're not telling us." " No." " You sure?" "There's nothin' bothering you?" " I'm sure." " Charisse." " I'm fine, Dad." " OK." "I'm not saying you do have a problem but if you do, we work things out, right?" " Right." " You cool?" " Cool." "All right." " Your mother was a little worried and I was..." " Tell her I'm fine." "OK." "OK." " Dad?" " Yes!" "Yes!" "I knew it." "I knew something was bothering you." "Come on, talk to me." "Really." "Daddy to daughter." "Break it down." "You can cry, we can cry together if that's..." " What is it?" " Nothing." "Stop." "Must be the mountains messing me up cos..." "I'm fine." " You sure you're all right?" " Mm-hm." "She's all right." "You have your little space." "I'll be in the house." " All right." " OK." "Talking time's done." "It's time to be bold for Ava." "He's goin' after the hive!" "He's goin' after the hive!" " Who?" " Archie." " Who?" " Archie, you idiot." "Jeez." "Boy, this cliff's a lot higher than I remember." "Bye-bye, species." "This is your big plan, huh?" "Archie, you get back here!" "Come back in!" " No way, Doc." "I'm gonna do this or die tryin'." " That bear is one bad mother." " Archie, what are you doing?" " Archie, get back right now." "Stop playing!" "I don't think I'm gonna win Ava by eating a bunch of worms." "I'll never be more woodsy than Sonny." "I have to show her how much she means to me." "And if you fall, it'll prove you're stupid and dead, Archie!" "What's goin' on around here?" "Oh, the circus boy's got a new trick." " Quiet, Sonny." " OK, I got it, I got it." "That log ain't gonna hold him." "And I know logs." " OK." "Whoa!" " Don't move, Archie!" "Don't move!" " Careful." " I'll buy you the honey." " Hey, whoa, whoa!" " Break." "Break." " This was not a good idea." " Archie, get down." "I'm fine." "Bees!" "Damn." " Hold still." "I'll try to talk to 'em." " They're stinging!" "Don't sting." "Guys, uh... zzzz!" "Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz." "I can't see!" "They're stinging." "Get away." " Attack!" " No, no, hey, stop!" "Argh!" " Defend the hive!" " Oh!" "Hey, Archie!" " Get the little guy." " Ah." " Protect the hive!" " Attack!" "Banzai!" "Archie!" "Archie!" "Hey!" "Hey!" " Archie!" " Archie, get back in here!" " Jump, circus boy." " Go suck a salmon." "Ava, I got it for you!" " Good job, Archie." "Way to go, Archie." " Yeah!" "You did it." " Ooh, ooh, ooh!" " Yeah!" "That kid's got moxie!" "I love him." "OK." "OK." "What's the matter with you, huh?" "What did you do something like that for?" "Are you crazy?" "I could have got that hive if I wanted it." "Come on, Ava, 'fore I get mad." "Sonny, we're not workin' out, so take a hike." " Honey?" " Yeah, babe." "What's up?" " No, I meant would you like more honey?" " Oh, no." "I'm good." "So, ready to talk about preserving the species?" "We could talk." "Or you could count to a hundred and come and get me." "OK." "Counting." "Great" "Um, 1, 2... 1, 2, 3..." " That's impressive." "He's really counting." " Come on, focus, focus." "Uh, 1..." " Maybe I should stay in the open." " 1, 2, 10, G, H, P." " Green, orange, fish..." " Pace yourself." "Not so fast." "1, 2, 3, 10, uh, fiveteen." "OK!" "One hundred!" "Ow!" "What's happenin' now?" " Daddy." " Hey." "Daddy's back." "What is it?" "What happened?" "It's Archie." "OK, folks, let's move it back now." "We got a wild animal comin' through." "Wild animal comin' through." "I know you've all seen the show When Animals Attack." "Have you seen when animals wake up and attack?" "Now, there's nothing more dangerous than a half-sedated, half-unsedated bear." " They have big, sharp teeth and claws..." " Excuse me, I'm Dr Dolittle." "What happened?" "He broke down the back door, then we found him ransacking the kitchen." " No." " Yeah." "Sorry, Dr Dolittle." "I was rootin' for ya." "All right, let's move it out." "Show's over." "Let's go!" " Hey, Archie, it's me." "What happened?" " Hey, I was so close, Doc." "It came out of nowhere." "Are you ready to save the forest?" "Yeah..." "The good news is we're setting aside ten acres of forest." "We're calling it the Dr Dolittle Wildlife Sanctuary." "We're very pleased about that." " Speak of the devil." " Can we speak to you?" " You think you've won, but you haven't." " Fine, we'll level your forest and call it a tie." "Thanks very much, folks." "That's it for today." "Thank you." " Did anybody see what happened?" " Yeah." "We got one problem." "He's a friggin' weasel." " Oh, really?" "What did he do?" " No, I mean he's an actual friggin' weasel." " Hey, weasel, the doctor's here." " OK, you know what?" "That's Mr Weasel." " Did you see what happened to the bear?" " Oh, da scary bear." "Did I see what happened?" " Did you see anything or not?" " You give me that wristwatch of yours and I'll tell you." " You're such a weasel." " Oh, thank you." " Potter's men set Archie up." "I got a witness." " An animal?" " You can't offer them to evidence." " Got any better ideas?" "I'll stall for time." "We'll get a private investigator." "Those trucks are ready." "They're gonna ship Archie off to a zoo." "John, if you go on the witness stand, Riley is gonna tear you to shreds." " What do I have to lose?" " Your reputation." "I don't care." "I'm not giving up on those animals, not without a fight." "Excuse me." "Your Honour, we admit it was a setback, but we need another week to rehabilitate the bear." "May I suggest the counsel would like to admit the animal into the Betty Ford Clinic." "Or the Yogi Bear Clinic!" "What if I could prove the entire thing was a setup?" "That would be a very serious allegation." "Do you intend to present evidence?" "We have an eyewitness." "Your Honour, can I address the court for a minute?" " Go ahead." " Sir, we have an eyewitness who'll testify that they heard a gunshot, then they saw a truck backing up to where the shot was fired." "Is that witness here in the courtroom?" "No, not in the courtroom with us because he's..." "He's a weasel." "Order!" "Your Honour, I know this is unreasonable but I can talk to animals and one of them came forward with this information, sir." "Your Honour, if it pleases the court, I have no problem allowing Dr Dolittle or counsel the opportunity to question the eyewitness." "I would just ask for a brief recess so that I have opportunity to get a camera." " I'd like a shot of the animal being sworn in!" " That's enough!" "And certainly we could provide animal protection programmes." "That's enough." "Dr Dolittle, I will not let you make a mockery of my courtroom." "The deadline has passed." "Motion to extend denied!" "That's a shame." "You hate to see it!" "Uh, Dr Dolittle, can you tell us what the weasel said?" "Hey!" "Hey, Doc, OK." "Come to get me out?" " Um, sort of." " Sort of?" "What do you mean "sort of"?" "I couldn't prove your story, Archie, so they..." "What?" "They... they what?" "They think you're too dangerous to be set free, so..." "Yeah?" "What?" " They sold you to a Mexican circus." " Ai, Chihuahua." "Archie, I am..." "I'm so sorry." " For what?" " For everything." "Dragging you out here, putting you through all this giving you hope." "I feel like I ruined your life." "Ruined my life?" "Doc, you gave me a life." "You're the one who taught me about love, and no one can ever take that away from me." "Hey, Charisse." " What are you doing down here?" " Mom's motion for an appeal was denied." "Well, we knew it was a long shot anyway." " At least you'll be back in show business." " Yeah, that's not what I want any more." " I just want Ava." " I know you want Ava." "Well, maybe I wasn't meant to be loved." " Everybody is meant to be loved." " That's right." "Everybody is meant..." "Charisse." "Oh, my God." " Charisse, since when?" " A couple of weeks now." "At first it was kind of fuzzy." "But, uh now it's really clear." " This is what you've been keeping from us?" " Dad, I didn't wanna become a freak." "Oh, no, you're not gonna become a freak." "Not at all." "When it happened to me I got scared, too." "You're looking at it the wrong way." " This is a good thing." " How?" "Look at all the good that's come out of it already." " What good?" " Look at us like this." "How about this, huh?" "Hey, guys, now I know what I've been missing - a family." "I guess that's something I'll never have." "Dad, you gotta help him." "Isn't there something that we can do?" "And it's notjust him." "I mean, it's all the animals." "There's so many of 'em." "Yeah, there are so many of them." " You guys have given up, haven't you?" " Hey, what am I gonna do?" "I'm six years old." "I'm not a young beaver no more." "Besides, we've been livin' here how long?" "About 100 years we've been shakin' down this forest." "So we had a good run." "I tried to do this myself, but I can't." "So if you wanna save your homes, you gotta help me." "And whether or not you believe it, you have untapped power." "When people talk about the best, it's always an animal expression." "You got a heart like a lion or you're as strong as an ox." "Eyes like an eagle or he can move swift like a gazelle." " Or you stink like a skunk." " What?" "Sorry, man." "I'm just making my point." "What I'm trying to say is we can do this." "We can do it!" "Don't give up without a fight." "Let the word go out from Sicily to SeaWorld:" "The trucks don't move." "Capeesh?" " The beaver's right!" " Yeah!" "All right!" "Yeah!" "Hey, kids, I've got to ask you to move." " No." " No?" "Listen, don't start with me." "Everybody, take your positions." "Hasta la vista, baby." "Roll 'em up!" "I ain't never seen nothing like this before." " None of them have any milk." " What?" "All of 'em are dry." " What's wrong, Annabelle?" " Strike." "Strike." "Strike!" "Strike!" "Strike!" "Strike!" " Here's your eggs!" "You want 'em scrambled?" " Strike!" "Strike!" "Strike!" "OK, let's go get the Frisbee." "Come on, go get it." "Strike." "Strike." "Strike." "Oh, come on!" "Give me that leash!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Hey, Archie, all the animals are working together." "You'll be out of here in no time." "It's ridiculous." "Animals can't organise." " You may wanna take a look at this, then." " All over the world animals have organised." "They're striking in Paris, Texas." "In Paris, France." "In Brooklyn, in Mexico and in Canada." "I'm sure I'm gonna regret this, but maybe you should talk with Dolittle." "And what?" "Give in to a bunch of beasts and lower life forms?" "I took on the Democrats!" "I can take on a bunch of animals!" " Charge!" " Oh, no!" "Agh!" " Go on!" " Watch it." " Go on, beat it." " Retreat!" "Go on!" "Organised." "We have two bogeys bearing alpha, tango, niner." "Locked on target, squad leader." " D'you hear something?" " Commence bombing." " Roger that, sir." " Well done, men." "I got your wing, Iceman." "Party ain't over yet." "I want the short one." "Sir?" " Don't make any sudden moves." " Gotcha." " Aaargh!" " Attack!" "Lock and unload!" "Poops away." "Firing number two." "Let's return to base and reload." " Sir, you've locked the..." " What?" "You've locked the door, sir!" "You might wanna..." "Sir!" " I think you should run." " I'm an attorney." "I'm not with him." " Run!" " There he is again." "Get the little guy." "Banzai!" "Banzai!" "Not the face!" "No, please." "No, no." "I'm sure we can work something out." "I'm reaching for my phone." "I'm gonna call Dr Dolittle." "No sudden movements or I'm gonna bite you in the cannolis." "Hello." "The number for Dr John Dolittle, please?" "Not Stuart Little." "Dolittle." "Dolittle." " Oh, Mr Potter." "How are you, sir?" " I could be better." "I'm here with your friends." "I know you can't believe animals are organised." "Well, you know, I don't know what to think any more." "I will be more than happy to set up a meeting between you and these animals to work out your problems." " What?" "It's the only way you can save face and get out of this thing without looking like an idiot." "OK, OK, look, anything." "Just call 'em off." "OK, all right, listen." "Put the raccoon on the phone." " He wants to speak to you." "Make it short." " Hello." "Yeah." "No, I got it under control." "We'll call yous back." "First off, I am here only as a mediator and the negotiations will be between Mr Potter and the representatives of the United Animals of the Forest Local 534." "Yeah, let's come to order." " This is my new proposal." " All right." "What's the stipulations?" "What territory we lookin' at?" "It's only 12 acres here." "It's 12 acres." " I got your 12 acres right here, pal!" " Hey, they like it." "I'll give you something you like." "Like this." "I think that's a "No"." "Or "Hell, no" maybe." "Meanwhile the strike kept growing." "Even the pros were getting in on the act." "The last runners left to load now for the biggest spectacle of the year." "It's Derby time." "Last horse is in, gates closed." "And away they go!" "Hell, no, we won't go!" "Hell, no, we won't go!" " Hell, no, we won't go!" " Run your own stupid race." " You try running a mile." " Don't think about reaching for that whip." "Ladies and gentlemen, Shamu!" "This is Shamu." "Nah, I don't feel like jumpin' through hoops today." "You guys?" "No, no, not me." "Not today." "I just ate." "Uh-uh." "Mr Potter, I hope we have a deal now." " All right, Doc!" " Yeah." "Taught him everything he knows." "Vive le bear!" "Vive le Archie!" "Vive le docteur!" " Come on, gimme a bear hug." " Oh, no." "Absolutely not, Archie." "You're not leavin' here until you get a bear hug." " All right, just a little one." " Come on!" "All right, that's it." "All right, Archie." "Archie!" "You're crushing my spine." "Archie!" "Bye-bye." "Drive safe now." "Buckle up." " Hey, Archie, you in there?" " What?" " Hey, Doc." " Hey, man, I just stopped by to say so long." " Oh, thanks for everything." " You are quite welcome." "Archie, I'm ready." "She's in heat." "Excuse me, Doc." "Gotta go save the species!" "Oh." "Go do your thing, Archie." "Yeah, Archie." "Archie!" "Oh, Archie." "It was quite a summer." "Hey, Doc." " Hey, Lucky, what are you doing?" " What am I doing?" "Hm." "Let me phrase it this way." "You too, huh?" "And Charisse and the doc were closer than ever." "Oh, come on." "Cheer up, Pepito." "You'll get it eventually." "No, I won't." "I will never blend in." "I have a broken blender." "You will blend in, trust me." "You will blend in." "How?" "How will Pepito ever blend in?" "Pepito sucks." "Look at me!" "I'm blending in!" " I'm invisible!" " That's right." "You're invisible." " Greatjob, honey." " Did you ever doubt me?" "The blendmaster is back!" "I am king of the Third World!" "Hey, can we do the whole house like this?" "It's very feng shui." "But the best news of all came the following spring." "Kids, come on." "Hey." "Woo!" "Woo!" "Over here, kids." "Woo-woo, over here." "OK." "Now, it's step, step, turn, kick, step." "Papa, I thought it was step, kick, turn, step, step." "Come on, kids." "We open in six weeks." " I thought you retired." " Oh!" "I did, honey." "We're just playin'." "OK, now, from the chorus. 5, 6, 7." "# I will survive I will survive" "# For as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive" "# I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give" "# And I'll survive" "# I will survive" "# Hey, yeah" "Hey, come on." "This is the most boring party I've been to." "You guys are so stiff, so plastic." "Come on, let's move." "Let's conga." "Hey, baby, are those real?" "Let's get this party started." "Let's go." "Ooi, ooi, party over here, party over there." "Raise the roof." "The roof is on fire." "Can you see me now?" "I bet you can't." "I'm invisible." " Can you see me?" " Of course." "I see both of you." "# There's a place in France where the naked monkeys dance"