"NARRATOR"." "High noon at the Astral Avenue branch of Gotham City's Alchemical Bank and Trust Company a financial institution so conservative it pays no interest at all." "But while the customers and tellers transact the business of the day black magical events are brewing for Dr. Cassandra, the evil alchemist, is about to unleash her terrible swift sword." " Ready, Cabala?" "Like always, Dr. Cassandra, baby." "Groovy." "Wild." "All right, Cabala." "How can that be?" "Twenty-six eyewitnesses who didn't see a thing?" "Ha, ha." "Yes, we'll get on it right away." "It's good to have you with me, Chief O'Hara." "After all these years, we've come to anticipate each other's thoughts." "At times like this, commissioner, anyone can read your mind." "It's Batman we need, and fast." "Very neatly put, chief." "What's going on here?" " Yes, commissioner?" " Batfink." "Bat--?" "Who is this speaking?" "Dr. Cassandra." "World-famous alchemist, occult science practitioner and all-around evil-doing swinger." "Where's the commissioner?" "Just zip your lip while I lay the word on you, Batcat." "I'm gonna put Gotham City in a trance and there's not a thing you or that junior birdman can do about it." "What's wrong?" "There's a new fiend in town, Dick." "To the Batpoles." "I arrived just after whatever happened happened and applied first-aid techniques, but they're such stubborn men." "A regular Florence Nightingale she is, anyway." "It was incredible, Batman." "This mysterious unseen force pounding us." "To coin a phrase, "there is less here than meets the eye."" "Far less." "Begorra, Batman." "That Dr. Whatever-her-name-is has struck six times in the past three hours." "It's impossible to stop her." "Do you have any description of her for us to go on?" "None, Boy Wonder." "And how can we capture someone we can't see?" "It's all so unbelievable." "There is no such thing as an invisible man or invisible woman." "Perhaps we've all been intentionally baffled the way a magician operates." "Now you see it, now you don't." "Holy disappearing act." "Miss Gordon, do you have any volumes at the Gotham City Public Library on the occult sciences?" " Any number of them, Batman." "Perhaps we should take a look at them, Robin." "Such a tome might open this door to the unknown." "Good thinking, Batman." "But you'll need more than books to vanquish this entrancing foe." "All right, Cabala." "Time for our anti-antidote pill." "Whee." "How do these pills work, doc-y baby?" "Are we really invisible?" "No, Cabala, but we may as well be." "You see, after taking the pill we blend into the background so perfectly that no one can see us." "Not even someone else who takes the pill." "That's why we keep bumping into each other." "Well, husbands and wives are supposed to bump into each other now and then." "Now, Cabala, cut the personal kick." "This is business." "Well, can't we cool business?" "We've already stolen $600,000." "Now, now, money isn't everything, honey." "Cabala, money is what makes my occult world go round." "The power to make other cats do what I crave them to do." "Dig." "Dug, doc-y baby." "But why the hang-up?" "Because I intend to succeed where my foremothers failed." "Foremothers?" "The ancient alchemy has been handed down for generations through females of my family." "All abject failures, nowheresville." "Just like my family." "Couldn't wait for the depression, they went broke during the boom." "My great grandmother discovered how to transmute base metals into gold but she cut out when she added CH3, CH2, H2 and N02." "Put them all together, they spell TNT." "They found pieces of her as far away as Londinium." "Man, that was a trip." "Now, Grandma perfected a universal solvent." "Fell in the stuff and was universally dissolved." "We buried her in a thimble." "Well, how about dear old Mommy-o?" "Dear old Mommy-o cashed in when she perfected a perpetual motion machine tripped and was ground to bits by it." "Man, you sure come from a long line of winners, baby." "It doesn't hanging me up, love, because I have a plan that will sway your brain cells." "Lay it on me." "I'm gonna free all the arch-criminals in the Gotham State Bastille." "Slip them my camouflage pill and we become an invisible empire with yours truly as queen." "Groovy." "Groovy." "We're gonna steal this burg blind." "Wait a minute." "Aren't you forgetting three things?" "Like for instance?" "Batman, Robin and Batgirl." "No hassle, love." "Not when they face my Alvino-ray gun." " Alvino-ray gun?" "What does it do?" "Mm." "Spreads a mess of wild vibrations." " Oh, mar." "Just mar." "Let's split." "Aha." "Just as I suspected." "What is it, Batman?" "This mediquack, Dr. Cassandra, is none other than Cassandra Spellcraft." "Offspring of the infamous Spellcraft clan, a group of ne'er-do-well alchemists who couldn't even make the grade in girls' pharmacy school." "Holy unrefillable prescriptions." " Is she really a doctor?" "She isn't even a nurse." " What's that?" "The portable Batphone." "Yes, commissioner?" "We'll be right there." "A new development?" "Dr. Cassandra has challenged us, Robin." "She's called the commissioner and announced that she will steal the Mope Diamond from Spiffany's Jewelry Salon at precisely 2:00." "That gives us 20 minutes to thwart her." "Let's go, Robin." "NARRATOR"." "While in Spiffany's jeopardized jewelry salon on Gotham City's fashionable 15th Avenue..." "Welcome to Spiffany's, folks." "I'm G. David Schine." "May I serve you today?" "Oh, just browsing, Dan." "One does not browse at Spiffany's, madam." "One either buys or one leaves." "Shall I deck him, doc-y baby?" "He's trying to put us down." "Cool it, love." " We don't wanna blow the scene." "Heh." "Ah." "Listen, Dan, tell me, how much are you asking for the big rock there?" "What you call a rock, madam, is the Mope Diamond and is not for sale at any price." "Not for sale?" "Then I guess we'll just have to kipe it." "Cabala, do your thing." "You'll do no such thing, Dr. Cassandra." "Oh, Batman." "I see you've decided to take a crack at us." " But I've got your number." "And what about me?" "Do you have my number too?" "Other women's numbers don't interest me, Batgirl." "Glad to have you flanking us, Batgirl." "I wouldn't miss it for anything." "Looks like it's pill time." "Keep your cool, love." "The Tiresome Trio are about to really rock." "Ha, ha." "A gun?" "Aren't you a little above that sort of thing, Dr. Cassandra?" "No style." "This is the kickiest weapon you ever dug, Batman." "My own unpatented Alvino-ray gun." "And it's the last thing you're about to see." "What are you doing to our bodies?" "Doc-y baby, you are super-psychedelic." "Holy helplessness." "I feel like I'm getting flat." "What a pity." "That's exactly what's happening, Batgirl." "This gun is altering the structure of your molecular cells and revving your third dimensions." "Stack them up, love, while I grab the diamond." "Go, baby." "Just a moment, madam." "Attacking the Terrific Trio is one thing." "That's not my business and I don't wanna get involved." "But stealing the Mope Diamond is another matter completely." "Dan, how would you like to get mailed home?" "COD?" "Would you like the diamond gift-wrapped, madam?" "Mm-hm." "We should have heard from them by now." "I'm worried." "I'm sure there's nothing wrong, commissioner." "Batman's never failed us yet." "A Batfight seldom takes more than 40 seconds and they're already half an hour late." "Oh, they should be coming through that door right now." "Oh, it must be some sort of prank." "I can't believe my eyes, commissioner." " But I must believe what I feel..." "Yup." "...and I feel their pulse." "We've had six medical opinions and each one confirms the one before." "You know how those doctors stick together, commissioner." "Nevertheless, the fact remains that there is no known medical way to restore them." "So all we can do is make them as comfortable as possible while they live out their sightless soundless, selfless well-flattened lives." " What about the voice?" " What voice?" "The voice that answers the Batphone every now and then and asks us to hold on." "Maybe he can help us, whoever he is." "It's worth a try." "Anything's worth a try now." "I'm afraid he's not here, commissioner." "But I" "What?" "Oh, my word." "That" " That is a bit of a sticky wicket, if I may say so." "Hmm?" "Mm-hm." "All right, have them sent care of general delivery to the main Gotham City Post Office and I'll see what I can do." "Here's your Alvino-ray gun, doc-y baby." " Now what?" "Cabala, I've told you, cool the personal kick whenever alchemy and occult sciences are involved." "And they're involved right now." "But with all the loot we've grabbed, the Mope Diamond in our possession and Troublesome Trio hot off the press as it were" "It's not enough." "I want Gotham City on its knees." "My foremothers couldn't do it, but I'm going to beat this town." " Beat it, baby." "We'll flail it together." "Ha, ha." "Look at them, six tiny pills." "And six unseen arch-criminals about to wreak untold havoc." "The thought of it blows my mind." "NARRATOR"." "Meanwhile, at the Gotham City Post Office trusty Alfred, disguised as a doddering dodo accepts delivery of the human parcel post." "While at Gotham State Prison Dr. Cassandra is up to some special delivery of her own." " What's going on here, captain?" "Beats me, warden." "All the electric eye alarms went off like somebody walked through and my men never saw a thing." " Are the prisoners in their cells?" "Like the day they were brought in." "What about the special arch-criminal wing?" "Same thing." "Must have been" "It must have been a short circuit." "Ha, ha." "Guess again, squareball." "Who are you?" "How did you get in here?" "Get out." "My name is Dr. Cassandra." "I walked through the front door and I'm not walking out." " Keep them covered with this, Cabala." "Right, doc-y baby." "While I speak to my friends." "Over there, man." "What kind of gun is that?" "This is the doctor's Alvino-ray gun, man." "Now, don't move, or you're both flat as flounders." "Hello, darlings." "This is your leader speaking." "In 10 seconds I shall pull the switch that will release all the arch-criminals." "Oh." "I'm sorry I can't do the same for the rest of you boys." "But too many crooks spoil the broth." "You know how it is." "All right." "Ready." "Ten, nine, eight seven, six..." "Wild beat." "...five..." " ...four, three..." " Go, baby." "...two, one." " Blast out." "Whoo!" "Ha, ha." "Darlings, meet me at the front gate." "I do hope I didn't get my transistors switched, sir, miss." "Either you come out three-dimensional or no-dimensional." "Well, here it goes." "All right." "I'd best get the Batmobile back, wherever it may be." "And take my departure before Batgirl recognizes me." "Where are we?" "What happened?" "This is the Batcave, Batgirl." "Holy giveaways." "Not exactly, Robin." "She may know that this is the Batcave but she doesn't know where the Batcave is located." "It's very impressive." "And functional." "But how do you suppose we got here and who changed us back to our normal shapes and sizes?" "I have my own suspicions, Batgirl, which I don't think I should disclose." "Of course, Robin, I understand." "We'll get on it right away, commissioner." "Dr. Cassandra has engineered an incredible mass escape of all of Gotham City's arch-criminals." "Holy catastrophe!" "How do we stop them?" "We have to find them first." "Which calls for the Special Escaped Archcriminal Bat-locator in the Batcomputer." "Good thinking, Robin." "That must come in quite handy." "Quite." "Every crime fighter should have one." "According to this, they should all be in the basement of Mortar and Pestle Building on Abracadabra Alley." "But how can we get there?" "Isn't the Batmobile still parked in front of Spiffany's Jewelry--?" "Look." "Here it comes now." "Now, how in the world did you manage that?" "There's no time for that now, Batgirl." "To the alley." "I'm afraid I'll have to put you to sleep until we reach the city, Batgirl." " To sleep?" "So you won't learn the location of the Batcave." "All right, Batman." "Guard your face, Robin." "You know something, Batman." "What's that, Robin?" "She looks very pretty when she's asleep." "I thought you might eventually notice that." "That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old churn." "All right, darlings, here's how we divvy up the territory." "Catwoman gets all the fish market areas." "Egghead, poultry farms." " Penguin, ponds and park." " Hwah, hwah." "Heh." "King Tut, museums." "Riddler and Joker, all the amusement parks." "Don't forget to tell them how we out up the loot, doc-y baby." "Oh, yes." "Well, darlings, we get 50 percent of everything you steal." "But in return, I provide camouflage pills and protection." "And don't worry about Batman, Robin or Batgirl." "They've made their last scene." "Ha, ha." "Here are your pills, darlings." "Pass them around, love." "One to a customer." "With pleasure, doc-y baby." "Now, you'll blend into the background for eight hours." "After that, come back with the loot and I'll give you all another dose." "But be careful." "Don't get knocked unconscious or you'll all materialize again." "You foolish, foolish woman." "Quick, swallow the pills." "They're gone." "Well, how can we fight them if we can't see them?" "We may not be able to see them, but I have the feeling they're still here." "We're outnumbered eight-to-three." "It's not the odds, Robin, it's the atmosphere." "Wait a minute." "They'd be in the same boat if they couldn't see us." "You're right." "Groovy party, baby." "Groovy." "Something must have gone wrong." "Alchemy is a highly-specialized chemical science, Dr. Cassandra." "Sometimes even experts go wrong." "And obviously something went wrong with your last batch of camouflage pills." "Oh, you goofed, doc-y baby." "The family curse again." "Well, nothing's gone wrong with my flattening Alvino-ray gun." "It won't work, Dr. Cassandra." "I took the precaution of inserting an anti-Alvino-ray Bat Disintegrator in my utility belt." "Batgirl, telephone Commissioner Gordon and his men in blue." "Tell him to come over here." "Robin, round up the rest of these artless arch-criminals." "Commissioner, you don't suppose Dr. Cassandra and Cabala could pop their way out of Gotham State Prison?" "Not the way Warden Crichton pops them in, Chief O'Hara." "But if she manages to smuggle one of her camouflage pills." "The prison matron isn't named Mrs. Frisk for nothing, Chief O'Hara." "Besides, the warden had special polka dot cells painted for them." "They won't blend into that background." "Say, my, my, this is certainly a fancy spa." "What did I tell you, commissioner?" "Wait till you try one of Minerva's eggplant jelly vitamin scalp massages." " Uh, eggplant jelly?" "Mm-hm." "That's right, boys." "Just register." "Check your valuables." "And after treatment in my mineral spa, you'll feel like new men." " I certainly feel like a new man." "Thank you." "NARRATOR"." "Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara will indeed feel like new men after a treatment in Minerva's Mineral Spa for Minerva's treatment has many surprises." "One, a startling device for relieving Gotham City's millionaires of all their millions as you will see in our next episode."