"[The Avett Brothers' Kick Drum Heart]" "♪ ♪" "♪ the footprints over the snow ♪" "♪ the fabric of all the lonely ♪" "♪ c-covering only ♪" "♪ the fables and hands ♪" "♪ the rest is out in the cold ♪" "♪ holding the last of the season ♪" "Morning." "Morning, Adam." "♪ my, my, my heart like a kick drum ♪" "♪ my, my heart like a kick drum ♪ [panting]" "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "[cell phone ringing] [continues panting]" "Hello?" "I lost Amber." "What?" "She fled, she escaped." "She snuck right out the window." "Okay, listen, Sarah, here's what you need to do." "What, are you having a heart attack?" "No, I'm exercising." "You're, like, wheezing like an old person." "Careful!" "You need to find her." "Who?" "Your daughter." "That's your advice?" "Thanks, big brother." "Here I am, moving our entire situation just so I can make her life better." "And what do I get?" "Hey, Drew." "Drew." "Please turn that thing down." "Hey, how's Drew?" "Oh, good." "He's good." "Yeah?" "[sighs] I'm doing the right thing." "Right, Adam?" "Moving home." "Look, Sarah, you're doing the right thing." "You sure?" "It's gonna be good, right?" "I mean, you said it was gonna be good, and that's essentially why I'm doing it because you said it was gonna be good, so if it isn't good, I don't think I'll ever forgive you." "Look, if it's not good, you can blame me." "Okay?" "That's what I'm saying." "Look, all right, Sarah, I gotta go, okay?" "I got another call." "No, no, no, no, Adam, Adam, Adam," "Wait, wait, wait, wait-- all right." "Dad." "Yeah." "Uh, my pipes are clogged." "Dad, I--I'm exercising." "Yeah, good." "All right?" "Okay, I need you here right now." "I'm not even getting a belch." "I--oh, God." "Oh." "[knocking on door]" "Amber!" "[rock music playing]" "♪ ♪" "Amber." "You need to get in the car with me right now." "Look." "Berkeley is a living hell, mom." "I am not moving there." "I am moving in with Damien." "We've decided." "Right, Damien?" "Uh-huh." "Damien, I need to speak with my daughter." "Could you give us a moment?" "Perhaps you could use this time to put on a shirt." "Nah, ah, ah." "You stay right there, Damien." "Do not let her scare you." "Her bark is worse than her bite." "♪ I wanna lift up to outer space ♪ [growls]" "I do not believe you." "I literally can't believe you." "What?" "Why would you do this?" "Why are you doing this to me?" "You're ruining my life!" "I told you, we don't have a choice." "I'm out of money." "Plus, I want you guys to have a chance to be with family, and become decent, upstanding citizens of the world." "Damien!" "Call me!" "Get in the car!" "Hey." "How's my grandson doing?" "Is he getting ready for his game?" "'cause I'm gonna be there with bells on." "That's--actually, dad, that--that's the thing, is I think you might be making Max a little nervous." "Huh?" "It's just, you're very" "Very--very what?" "Uh, nothing, I'm just--just" "Max is a sensitive kid, that's all." "Well, you were sensitive too." "I cured you." "All right, look, if you're gonna come to the game," "I'm gonna need you to be calm, all right?" "It's important that Max feels a calmness." "A calmness." "[cell phone ringing]" "Yeah." "Hey, honey?" "He will not put on his uniform." "Look, the game's in an hour, Kristina." "He has to go." "I'm the coach." "Okay." "I don't know what to tell ya." "It's a nonstarter." "I mean" "Just-- [exhaling slowly]" "I'll be right there." "Okay?" "Thank you." "All right." "Bye." "What, he doesn't wanna go?" "Yeah, he doesn't wanna go." "Well, it's a baseball game." "He's gotta go." "He doesn't wanna go to the game." "He's gonna go." "We'll get him to go." "Can I finish this?" "Yeah, well, fix that and you get over there and get him to the game." "Ah!" "Oh, no." "Damn." "Ah!" "Hey." "What do we got?" "Major lego binge." "Go ahead." "Max?" "Max." "Listen, Max, you don't have to play baseball, not after this season." "But I want you to give this a chance because it meant a lot to me when I was a kid." "So what do you say, we give it a shot?" "All right, listen, after the game, why don't we go have some ice cream?" "Double scoop." "And when I say double scoop, what I really mean is triple scoop." "I think you should let him stay." "Like, do we even care about baseball?" "Well, your father sure does." "Why?" "Well, because men feel the need to express their love through hitting balls, slapping butts, and discussing meaningless statistics." "And I think your father thinks that if Max doesn't do these things he's gonna grow up to be sad and alone." "Well, that's absurd." "[sighs]" "Only have 12 minutes, guys." "Come on, let's go, let's go." "Okay, okay." "Honey, how did you make this happen?" "Oh, I just told him about the joys of baseball and how it's something he can do with his father forever." "Oh, double scoop." "Triple." "Great parenting." "Look, once he gets his first hit, everything is gonna turn around for him." "This is gonna be fun." "Okay." "Whoo." "All right, let's go." "[cell phone ringing]" "Ow, oh." "Oh." "[cell phone continues ringing]" "Why are you calling me?" "Crosby, you're the assistant coach." "It's the third inning." "Where the hell are you?" "Dad's out of control." "Bend the knees a little more." "It's not a good time right" "I gotta, I gotta-- [clears throat]" "I can't talk right now." "Now what do you mean you can't talk right now?" "Are you with someone?" "I'm gonna call you back, okay?" "Are you back with Katie?" "Did you have makeup sex?" "Oh, come on, that's pathetic." "All right, look, well, just get over here, all right?" "We're getting our asses handed to us, okay?" "What kind of brother are you?" "I'm on my way." "Okay?" "Atta boy!" "All right, come on, come on, let's go, let's go!" "Cover second base, Max." "You're the cutoff man." "No, I have the deposition." "Yeah, I will find the holes in it." "Hon, we're actually in a cell-free zone, so" "Okay." "Okay, okay." "All right." "Hudgins is freaking out." "He thinks that Leon's gonna take him off the Tivoli case and so" "Uh-huh." "Can you turn that off?" "I'll put it on vibrate." "Hey, don't talk dirty at fairyland." "Shut up." "It's just that Sydney's been looking forward to this all week, so" "Okay." "Hey!" "Hey!" "All right." "All right, thanks for waiting." "Thank you so much." "Okay, let's take this photo, huh?" "[cell phone vibrating] um..." "One second." "Be strong." "It'll be so quick." "Come on, you can do it." "[groans]" "Okay." "(Both) Yeah!" "All right." "Cheese." "All right, come on, kids, you can do it." "Ball four." "Take your base." "All right." "All right, all right." "Okay, everybody, we are only down by seven." "We can do this." "You ready, Max?" "Let's go." "This is our date with destiny." "Come on." "Oh, Max is up?" "Oh, no." "Oh, God, Max is up." "Hey, not cool." "All right, Max, listen to me, all right?" "I know I told you to swing at everything." "But in this situation, you gotta know that a walk is just as good as a hit, okay?" "Can someone else hit?" "Please." "I suck." "I'm gonna strike out." "Everyone's gonna hate me." "What is he talking-- what's taking" "Max." "Listen to me, Max." "Max, listen to me." "All right?" "Now it doesn't matter if you get a hit or not, okay?" "It's a game, it's all about having fun." "I'm not having any fun." "Who's up?" "Let's go." "All right, well, look." "Just try your best, pal, okay?" "Atta boy." "Good game, all right?" "Give it a wallop, Max." "Knock it out of the park." "Come on, Maxie." "All right." "Bend those knees now." "Get that bat back." "Elbow up." "Come on." "Shove it down their throats, Max now, come on." "Shove it down their throats, Max" "Zeek." "Zeek." "What?" "What?" "Simmer." "Simmer." "Strike one." "Come on, there's no way that kid's eight." "Did you see this pitch?" "Yeah, yeah, I saw." "Well, what, did they smuggle him in from the Dominican Republic or something?" "You know what, any time you wanna shut up would be great." "All right, Max, come on." "You gotta--you gotta get up to that plate, okay?" "Cover that plate, you just-- swing at anything close." "Whoo." "Run, run, Max, run!" "No, no, no, no, the other way." "The other way, the other way!" "[overlapping shouts]" "Run, run, run!" "Yeah!" "Out!" "Yes!" "No." "Ah, geez." "Are you kidding me?" "He was safe." "What the hell is wrong with you?" "What are you doing over here?" "You can't come out here." "You can't take that away from the kid!" "[Bob Dylan's Forever Young]" "♪ ♪" "♪ may God bless and keep you always ♪" "♪ may your wishes all come true ♪" "♪ may you always do for others ♪" "♪ and let others do for you ♪" "♪ may you build a ladder to the stars ♪" "♪ and climb on every rung ♪" "♪ and may you stay forever young ♪" "♪ may you stay forever young ♪" "♪ may you stay forever young ♪" "Parenthood 1x01 Pilot Original Air Date on March 2, 2010 [acoustic guitar music]" "♪ ♪" "Sarah." "I've been so excited." "This is so cool." "Hey, hey, hey, Amber." "Hey, Drew." "Give me a handshake." "No, like a man." "Shake it--geez, Drew." "Hey." "Hey." "He went to the hospital with chest pains." "No." "Yeah." "Wait a minute, you attacked an umpire?" "I did not attack the umpire." "What did you do?" "Well, no, it was a terrible call." "And I am proud of you, son, for standing up for justice." "Dad, you're actually not helping." "Yeah, but did his neck veins pop?" "Oh, man, they looked like garden hoses, they were so engulfed." "Daddy, can you cut my meat?" "I got it, sweetie." "Well, daddy does it better." "I'm right here, sweetie." "I want daddy." "Fine." "Joel, thank you." "So Sarah." "What's the plan?" "The plan." "Are you gonna look for a job, or-- [laughs]" "Well--no, no, I've been home an hour." "I was asking a question-- and I don't have a job yet." "No, I was just asking a question." "I was just asking a question, right?" "I'm Switzerland, don't look at me." "I don't want anything to do with this conversation." "Zeek, could we have a little toast?" "Excuse me." "Old war here." "Excuse me." "The master toastmaker has the floor." "To Drew and Amber... and my shining angel, Sarah." "Welcome home." "Thanks, dad." "Hear, hear." "Welcome home." "Welcome home." "[grunts]" "Oh, Max, come on." "So you're saying you found sperm in her freezer." "Yes." "Human sperm." "I guess." "I didn't send it to a lab." "This is crazy." "What she gonna do with it?" "Gee, joel, I don't know." "I didn't ask her." "This is uncool." "Can we just play ping-pong so I can lose myself in sport?" "Hey." "She slept with you with another man's sperm in her freezer." "It's unconscionable." "She has to be confronted." "Back in." "Come on, Max." "So when is she ovulating?" "Let me see you just dribble." "If somebody gets up in your grill, you're gonna shove them back." "You gotta get tough, Max." "Kick some ass, baby." "Hey, hey, dad." "What?" "Could you just take it down by about half?" "Yeah." "Okay, are you ready?" "Yeah." "Ugh!" "Good, come on." "So is Max still wearing that pirate costume to school?" "Um..." "We think he's working through that." "Uh... no, thanks." "I'm cool." "You know, if you wanted to come hang out with me and my friends after school, I mean, we honestly don't do anything," "But if you wanted to come hang out with us... you could." "Whew." "Wow." "Okay, wow, a really warm invitation." "Thank you so much." "Okay." "Why did you buy them?" "I didn't." "I didn't buy them." "Sarah." "What?" "You will never guess who I keep running into at Berkeley Coffee downtown." "Who?" "Jim." "Jim..." "Jim Kazinsky." "Oh, Jim Kazinsky." "The unabomber?" "I thought he-- no, Jim Kazinsky." "Oh, Jim Kazinsky." "He was real cute." "I really liked Jim." "Yeah, well, 20 years ago." "Moving on." "[laughs awkwardly]" "How's he look?" "Smokin' hot." "Really?" "Yeah." "Hmm." "You should call him." "Oh, no, no." "I'm setting it up." "No, please don't." "You need a date." "Hmm-hmm." "You do." "Badly." "You're gonna be fine, Max." "Incoming." "Bloody nose." "Major flow." "What?" "We'll get you all fixed up, all right?" "Oh, my God." "What happened?" "Ah, an elbow to the face." "You elbowed him in the face?" "He was in my zone." "Okay, he's eight." "Well, I apologized to him." "Didn't I, Max?" "Did I apolo-- I apologized." "Well, I could use some ice." "Where were you?" "I was just playing some ping-pong with Crosby." "I was trying to get him to mellow." "I don't know what happened." "You got him?" "Yeah." "Dad." "Yeah." "Your grandpa's an idiot." "Dad, what are you doing?" "Yeah." "What are you doing?" "Oh, Adam." "You know, the boy has some height deficiencies." "We need to make him a ball handler." "Do you really have to be playing with him that hard?" "Yeah, you weren't any different." "You had to get over your fears too." "We're not raising him the way that you raised us," "All right?" "Oh." "Okay, what's that supposed to mean?" "It means I don't want him to feel like everything in life is a war." "Oh, sonny." "It is a war." "Good night, you guys, sleep tight." "Have you been smoking in here?" "Ew, can you please not use that thing in front of me?" "It's gross." "How much longer do we have to share a room?" "I don't know, honey." "That reminds me, Drew." "If you feel the urge to, uh, release the tension, so to speak, do you think you could do it in the bathroom?" "Oh, Amber." "Look, if there's not enough room here, I mean," "Maybe I can move back to Fresno." "What?" "Yeah, I can move in with dad." "Oh, yeah, that's a good idea." "Maybe you guys could share a drug dealer." "Oh, my God." "He's got an extra bedroom, and we've talked about it." "You have?" "Kind of, yeah." "I don't know, honey." "Dad gets so busy," "And what if he has to go out on tour" "Can we just talk to him about it?" "Yeah." "Sure." "Of course." "You should not be smoking, especially not in your grandmother and grandfather's house." "We are guests in this house." "Oh, I thought we lived here." "[shuts door] [gospel choir singing]" "♪ ♪" "♪ ♪" "Hey, how's it going?" "Good." "Um..." "Uh, is something off in the Sopranos?" "No." "Yeah, I think there's a little" "Okay, hey." "Yeah, it's called a major seventh chord" "And it's fine." "Well, I'm the producer." "I'm the one who has to answer to the client." "Why are you so testy?" "I don't know." "Maybe it has something to do with the sperm in your freezer?" "Oh, I was wondering if you saw that." "Yeah, were you wondering?" "'cause it's this gigantic shiny thermos full of semen," "So yeah, I found it right next to the coffee." "Okay, you know, I do not want to have this conversation again." "I am ready to have a baby and you're not." "You're not mature enough." "Okay, I'm not mature enough." "I'm not the one out scrounging up some guy's sperm" "And I am not scrounging it up." "I bought it, for a lot." "And I have to tell you, actually, it is amazing sperm." "Is it?" "Yeah, the donor is an Olympic athlete and a Rhodes scholar." "Great, then it sounds like this sperm's gonna be an excellent father." "So maybe he can coach soccer for you or whatever." "You're an idiot." "I'm an idiot." "Yeah." "Okay, I don't have a space-age contraption in my" "When are you ovulating?" "Friday." "♪ ♪ [all talking at once]" "Hey, Maximo," "Save some paper for the rest of us." "Freak." "Boys." "Boys." "Max." "Max." "Max, stop it." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Calm down." "Stop it." "Stop it!" "Max, calm down." "He bit me." "Back to work, everybody." "He bit me." "Max." "What are you doing?" "I just, I can't believe that Max would do that." "He must have been taunted." "And we will deal with amos as well." "But for right now, we want to focus on Max." "I think we're overanalyzing this a little bit." "Maybe if we didn't allow him to wear a pirate costume to school," "He'd fit in a little bit better." "Wait a minute, wait a minute," "We all decided that we would monitor the pirate situation." "Everyone else decided, and now he's getting picked on, which is exactly what I thought would happen." "I think what we're trying to say here is that we're not sure that Sullivan Elementary is the right fit for Max." "I am, I'm sorry, I don't understand" "I think we should take Max to an educational therapist to have him tested to see whether or not she thinks Max can be successful" "Let's just cut to the chase." "Are we getting expelled?" "You giving us the boot?" "Adam." "Are we?" "That's great." "Amber's out with Haddie and her friends." "Ooh, here's a two-in-one in Emeryville." "That looks good." "Emeryville?" "Over my dead body." "Why don't you put that thing down?" "You're staying right here until you get back on your feet." "Mom, I'm on my feet, I'm not destitute," "I just got a little financial trouble and two degenerate kids, but I'll be fine." "I'm just letting you know we're here for you." "Thank you." "But trust me." "I think I should cut this out, you know," "In the slim chance that we wear out our welcome." "[cell phone ringing]" "Hello." "Who is this?" "[gasps] Oh, my God." "[plaintive melody]" "♪ ♪" "Can you believe this?" "Adam." "Hey." "Hey." "It's okay." "All right?" "They weren't officially booked, so... it's not gonna go on their records." "Oh..." "Thank God for that, huh?" "Oh, God." "Kristina, I'm so sorry." "Oh, it's okay." "It's fine, it's over." "♪ ♪" "It's over." "♪ ♪" "Okay." "I'll make us some coffee." "♪ ♪" "Mom." "It wasn't my weed." "That's great." "What a relief." "I'm so proud of you, honey." "♪ ♪" "♪ it's the one that keeps happening ♪" "♪ over and over and over and over again ♪" "♪ mm ♪ [woman on television]" "Hello." "Date night." "Please." "No comment." "Where's he taking you?" "Chinese." "Sexy." "That's enough out of you." "Okay?" "That's enough." "I want you to know you made me mad, and you embarrassed me." "And it's gonna be a long time before you earn my trust back." "Okay." "Are you sure about the shoes?" "Go on." "Well, I mean, it's a date." "Not a bar mitzvah." "I just think you should really go with your strong suit, you know?" "What is my strong suit?" "Uh, your boots, obviously." "All right." "Also, that bag is-- it's very 1960s." "Not in a good way." "Oh, God." "[reflective music]" "♪ ♪" "[asian music]" "♪ ♪" "Hi." "Hi." "Sarah." "Hi, it's me." "It's, uh-- it's Jim." "Oh, my God." "Hi." "Hi." "Hey." "Oh." "Hey." "Ow." "Oh." "Oh, God, I'm sorry." "I--I didn't realize you-- you were going to the right." "Are you okay?" "Yes, I'm good." "You look great." "Oh, and you?" "Wow." "You wanna sit down, or-- okay." "Yeah." "[laughs nervously]" "Gosh." "Hey." "So." "Uh" "Oh, Julia said that she ran into you at, um, at Berkeley Coffee." "Yeah." "Do you live near there?" "You work near there?" "Oh, maybe she didn't, uh..." "I--I work at Berkeley Coffee." "I'm a, uh, barista." "Oh." "Yeah." "Yeah." "She didn't say that." "Um, and so how long have you been in the caffeine game?" "Uh, look, it's a long story, actually, I" "I'm sorry." "I just-- I'm just gonna cut you off." "I have to, um, I'm just gonna make a quick-- [clicks tongue] and then, um, I'm gonna be right back." "I'll get the appetizers started." "Do you like shrimp toast?" "Any kind of toast." "[cell phone ringing] [groans]" "Hello." "Well, is this who I am to you?" "What are you talking about?" "I mean, I know I'm not a big lawyer who walks around on the weekends in a juicy pantsuit." "Does that mean I have to go out with a fat, balding barista?" "I'm just wondering." "Is that who I am to you?" "Oh, my God." "Sarah." "No, no, no." "Don't "oh, God" me, Julia." "I know you're sexier than me." "Everybody knows it." "Whoa, whoa, hold on." "I don't understand why you have to always prove that you're better than me." "I am never letting you set me up again." "Ever." "Good, because I'm done trying to help you." "Well, I don't need your help" "Because I'm not some charity case." "Screw you." "Oh, no, screw you." "I can't talk to you right now anyway, I have to go." "Because I am on a freakin' date." "[elevator dings]" "Is everything okay?" "It's great." "Listen, I, uh" "I have something I wanna show you." "It's yours." "That's the, uh, that's the ring I gave you." "Oh, yeah." "[chuckles]" "Yeah." "How do you have it?" "Oh, well, I don't know if you remember." "You sort of threw it at me the night you broke up with me." "Oh." "I hit you right in the eye." "Yeah, remember?" "I said you should really, you should" "(Both) Try out for the A's." "Right." "[both laugh] [laughs nervously]" "So I want you to know I'm not just a barista." "I rebuild trucks from the '30s." "I have several ping-pong trophies on display in my otherwise unimpressive apartment." "And if that's not enough, which I'm sure it is," "I just found The New Yorker's publishing one of my poems." "The real New Yorker?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Thanks." "Yeah." "I'm really glad you called." "You know, I've always thought about you, Sarah." "[sniffling]" "Are you" "Are you all right, or" "You just kept this all this time." "That's so nice." "You're so nice and funny." "I married this guy who's, you know, like a tortured musician, and he has this drug problem." "[sighs]" "I was such a jerk to" "I--I'm so sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm just, I'm not very good at the, um, the dating thing anymore, you know?" "And, I mean, let's face it, in my prime," "I wasn't--I wasn't that good at it either." "You're more beautiful than I remember you." "Shut up." "You are." "Seriously, please shut up." "Really?" "Yeah." "Is your dad home?" "Jim." "What?" "It's okay." "We're 38." "Oh, okay." "Ah, damn." "No condoms." "I'm sorry." "I have just become so accustomed to the idea of not getting laid." "Oh, oh!" "It's okay." "Oopsie." "Is he home?" "What is it, what is it?" "I got it." "I got it." "What?" "Why does your dad have condoms in his desk drawer?" "I don't know." "I was looking for scissors the other day." "And I found them." "Oh, my God, what did you do?" "I stared at them for two hours and then I went to sleep." "Do you think he's having an affair?" "Oh, my God, stop talking." "Hey." "Just so you know, uh," "He never actually participated in a single Olympic event, so." "What?" "Your phenomenal sperm, Stanford Hecht, traveled with the bowling team as a third backup." "He never got in a single game." "He never rolled a ball." "Just thought you might like to know that before you pull out the turkey baster." "Oh, my God." "You googled my sperm." "Yeah." "I googled your sperm." "I can't believe that you're doing this without even discussing it with me." "Well, what are we supposed to discuss?" "Every time the word commitment comes up, you wince." "That's not true." "You just winced." "Yeah, well, prove it." "You just winced." "Prove it." "You're an infant." "You're panicky." "I am 34, I want a baby." "Oh, okay, so you're just gonna inseminate yourself with the seed of some third-rate hack bowler?" "Yeah." "I mean, how about having a conversation or a compromise?" "Oh, you want half a baby?" "A bunny?" "What's a compromise?" "No, like, you know, you give me a little time to figure out my career stuff." "I just saw a decade flash before my eyes." "I need numbers, babe." "Okay, five years, tops." "I'll give you three." "Fine." "Okay." "Great." "So you're saying you'll have a baby with me in three years?" "Yeah." "Oh, my God, I love you." "Okay." "Oh." "Oh, God, I love you." "I love you too." "I love you." "[laughs nervously]" "♪ twinkle, twinkle little star ♪" "♪ how I wonder-♪" "Mommy." "Yeah, baby?" "Could daddy sing?" "Of course." "Joel." "There he is." "Hey, babe." "Yeah." "She wants you to sing to her." "Uh, sweetie, mommy rushed here to get home to sing you to sleep." "No, it's fine." "We got to read the book." "And the book is the best, best, best part." "[laughs]" "All right, mwah." "All right, you." "Let's see here." "What's one we haven't sung in a while?" "The monkey chased the weasel." "Okay." "Let's see." "♪ round and round the cobbler's bench ♪" "♪ the monkey chased the weasel ♪" "♪ the monkey thought it was all in fun ♪" "♪ pop goes the weasel ♪ [laughing]" "No pants." "Pantsless snacks." "I just, I don't want you to get grounded, okay?" "[laughs]" "Ow!" "Oh." "Oh, God." "Oh, no." "I'm okay." "Oh, no, are you okay?" "Okay, then run." "You gotta run." "Six or seven splinters." "[laughs]" "Okay, quiet." "Be very quiet." "Quiet." "Seriously." "Be very quiet." "This is not a laughing matter." "Don't make any noise." "Don't move." "[door slamming]" "Shh." "You're the one screaming." "Shh, shh, shut up." "It's not even funny." "Oh, oh, oh." "This is awful." "This is so awful." "It's blackberry brandy." "And it's delicious." "I'm not gonna have a problem with that." "[laughs]" "Hi, honey." "How was dinner with Uncle Adam?" "Oh... [door slamming]" "I'm so dead." "Man, I just don't know who you are anymore." "I don't know what to say." "I'm devastated." "It's not a big deal." "Mm." "Yeah, it's a big deal." "We're at Oscar's and you ordered a veggie burger." "You know how twisted that is?" "Didn't you say there was something you wanted to talk about?" "Check that out." "It's from Jasmine." "The dancer." "From five years ago." "Remember her?" "The flexible one." "She was really flexible" "She contacted me." "After all this time." "I've had, like, five emails since we went out." "And I think she's, you know, pursuing me, 'cause lookit." "It's, oh, um, "what are you doing this weekend?" "Can I stop by?"" "Yeah, whoa." "Stop by, whoa." "That's--yeah." "Bold, right?" "Yeah." "So do you think it's cool if I see her, even though I'm quasi-engaged?" "You're what?" "You know, I'm potentially in negotiations to get engaged to Katie." "Wait, I thought that we agreed that you were gonna confront her about the sperm situation." "Yeah, I did." "And, and you ended up getting engaged?" "I didn't get engaged-- okay, listen, all right." "I agreed to have a child with her in three years." "So I think the marriage thing is probably implied, right?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Mm-hmm." "Is this really how you wanna live your life?" "Okay, look, I'm sorry we can't all be the perfect couple like you and Kristina and eat veggie burgers and stuff." "You're an idiot." "That's..." "Pretty harsh." "Are you gonna eat your fries?" "[cell phone ringing] [percussion music]" "♪ ♪" "Hey." "Hey." "Hi." "What's going on?" "Um, I heard from the educational therapist." "And she said that she has some concerns about Max." "Uh-huh." "She feels that Max has some learning differences." "Okay, listen, I've given this some thought," "I wanna contact the school, get Max a tutor to help him through this rough period." "Now listen I gotta get back to this meeting." "I understand that, but she wasn't just talking about academics." "I get that, and we'll deal with it." "Honey, she thinks that he may have... she thinks that he may have Asperger's." "Asperger's?" "Like autism?" "Look, Max is not" "It's high-functioning autism." "A lot of people with Asperger's..." "Max is not autistic." "Live very productive lives, Adam." "Kristina, I've seen autistic kids." "The Lessings' kid with the hand flapping" "She was saying that when she was with him, she saw certain patterns." "He was having a very bad day." "And those tests that she gave to him were ridiculous." "Adam, that's not true." "She didn't connect with him at all." "You know how important it is for him to" "She said that if we get him the right tools to learn" "That's what I said, I tutor." "She wasn't talking about a tutor." "Well, I'm not sending him to special ed." "Ho there is something wrong th our baby." "It's not just, it's not just the academics, okay?" "It's not" "It's not just the biting, or the pirate costume, or the fear of fire, or the--the tantrums." "It's everything." "Please don't make me be alone with--with this." "I don't want to-- come here." "All right?" "It's okay." "Max." "Hey, Max." "You forgot your book bag." "Do you want me to hang it up in the hallway for you?" "Hey, Max." "Max, that, that kid just said hello to you." "Max, if you don't say hello back, he might think that you're being rude." "Okay." "Did you hear him say hello?" "Uh-huh." "[bell ringing]" "Max." "Max." "Max." "I love you." "We just need to bring in-- it's, like, the home stretch." "We need to just bring in a couple more cans here, a couple more-- oh, oh, excuse me." "Adam, hey." "Hey, Paul." "Great running into you." "Listen, this is a little uncomfortable." "Uh, the board of the little league had a meeting last night." "Uh, the consensus was is that maybe it might be better if you stepped aside." "Let someone else coach the rest of the season." "Jordan Shefranick's dad's able to step in." "Oh, okay." "And Adam, they also asked me to tell you that you can't be present at future games." "Uh, they've had some complaints from some parents." "Uh, apparently the umpire's filing a lawsuit." "I'm really sorry, Adam." "It was a bad call." "Yeah." "Yeah, thanks for that." "Sorry, I couldn't get back to the office, so you make the call and I'll talk to you tomorrow morning." "[knocking on door] Okay, bye." "Hey." "Hi." "You're home early." "No, I had this meeting over at Shattuck and then Crosby called freaking out about some emergency that couldn't wait." "Uh, Drew didn't happen to come by, did he?" "Here?" "Yeah." "No." "Oh, I got a weird call from the school." "Yeah?" "I don't know." "I'm just trying not to panic." "I'm sure it's nothing, it's just" "Adam, I am in a real pickle, man." "Katie already tried to move up the date." "You gotta get me out of this engagement." "Engagement?" "Oh, you're judgmental?" "You and Katie got engaged?" "Whoa, what?" "Crosby and Katie got engaged." "Okay, this is about the frozen sperm thing." "I'm sorry, the what?" "How do you know that?" "Is there not any confidential male guy stuff anymore?" "No, I don't think so." "Hi, crazy lady who yells at her sister from a date." "Fine." "I may have overreacted a little bit." "Maybe?" "What was that about?" "Why are you here?" "Why is everyone here?" "Because this is Adam and Crosby time." "I didn't invite them." "Kristina's picking up Sydney from school for us." "Joel has a dental thing, and Sydney doesn't like me very much anyway, so" "That's not true." "She loves you." "Oh, she openly prefers Joel, and that is fine, because I am a good lawyer and he is a good father." "So she will be like a relative of mine." "See, I can, I can manage this." "I can lower my expectations." "Hold that thought." "Wait, so are we saying we lost Drew?" "I don't know what happened, okay?" "It might have something to do with the fact that he walked in on me and Jim half naked last night." "You slept with Jim?" "Good for you." "What happened to him being a fat, balding barta?" "I warmed to him." "How many days has she been home?" "Get them out of here." "Hello." "Hi, Seth." "Seth, there's a winner." "No." "She was screaming at me on the phone." "What?" "He's with you?" "What are you talking about?" "Since when?" "Yes, I'm upset." "Seth, whatever you do, do not let him out of your sight, do you hear me?" "I am on my way." "I'm getting in the car right now, good-bye." "He's in mother-freakin' Fresno." "Uh, Sarah." "Sarah." "Why don't I ride with you?" "Thanks." "I'll do this." "Hey, your mom's here." "[sighs]" "Drew, honey." "Hey." "Hey." "Uh, it's just not a real good time right now." "I mean, I got these road dates that might come up and it's" "It's okay." "You all right?" "Is your family good?" "Thanks for calling, Seth." "Yeah." "See you soon, champ." "You know, maybe we can take in a game or something." "Yeah." "[car ignition turns] [thunder crashes]" "Drew." "Drew, come on, let's go." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "Oh, honey." "You..." "Deserve a father." "You deserve a great father." "And I shouldn't have married him." "And I'm really sorry." "Oh, look at you." "Look at you." "You're almost a man." "When did that happen?" "For what it's worth, you have me." "I'm not going anywhere." "And I'm really sorry, but that's gonna have to be enough, okay?" "Okay." "[children's choir singing]" "♪ ♪" "♪ who can row without oars ♪" "♪ who can lve a friend behind ♪" "♪ without shedding a tear ♪" "♪ I can sail without the wind ♪" "♪ I can row without oars ♪" "♪ I can never leave a friend ♪" "♪ without shedding a tear ♪" "♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]" "She was great." "Oh, thanks, dad." "Where's Max and Adam?" "Excuse me." "♪ I am a great kid, yes, I am ♪" "♪ ♪" "Adam." "Adam, what" "What the hell are you doing out here?" "We're fine." "Just go back in." "You're gonna miss the end." "Max, come on, let's go inside." "[sighs] He can't go in." "What?" "There are candles in the hallway, he can't walk past them." "Oh, hell, that's ridiculous." "I mean, all he's gotta do is go by them." "He's gonna be fine." "Max." "Come on, let's go inside." "Dad, it's not that simple." "It is that simple, Adam, I raised four kids." "Dad, there's something wrong with my son." "There's something wrong." "What do you mean?" "There's something wrong." "And I'm gonna need you to help me." "[sighs]" "Yeah, okay." "Look, sonny." "[foghorn blows, seagulls cry]" "Hey." "Hey." "[laughs]" "Hey." "Hey." "Jasmine." "Uh-huh." "Uh, well, uh, you look..." "Great thanks" "Do you, uh, do you wanna go in" "Hoy, come here." "Oh, uh, who's this?" "That's Jabbar." "Oh hey, buddy." "I'm Crosby." "He wanted to meet his dad." "♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪" "♪ w, hoo, ooh ♪ [all talking at ce]" "We have a major situation." "What's going on?" "So, uh, I have a kid." "A son, a boy." "His name is Jabbar." "Jabbar?" "I don't know, she's apparently a basketball fan or something." "We, what am I gonna stand for that, like" "Isn't the game today?" "What?" "What, buddy, I thought you were done with baseball." "It's my team." "Uh..." "Game's in ten minutes, everybody." "Come on, we got a baseball game." "Okay, baby let's go, let's go, let's go." "Hey, Haddie, can you go grab his uniform, please?" "Laundry room." "Got it." "Come on, Maxie, let's go get dressed." "Oh, my God, I think I'm snack mom today." "Can you help me with the snacks?" "Yeah, we'll make snacks." "♪ may God bless and keep you always ♪" "♪ may your wishes all come true ♪" "♪ may you always do for others ♪" "♪ and let others do for you ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ may you grow up to be righteous ♪" "♪ may you grow up to be true ♪" "♪ may you always know the truth ♪" "♪ and see the lights surrounding you ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ may you always be courageous ♪" "♪ stand upright and be strong ♪" "♪ and may you stay ♪" "♪ forever young ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ forever young ♪" "♪ forever young ♪" "♪ may you stay ♪" "♪ forever young ♪" "♪ forever young ♪" "♪ may you stay ♪" "♪ forever young ♪"