"Many centuries ago a remarkable family began to practice the magical art of disguise." "Down through the ages they worked in secret protecting the world from evil." "This is their story." "Well, stop her!" "." "This is my son." "Most people thought he sold vacuum cleaners door to door." "But as you can see, there was more to the story." "Where do you think you're going?" "Idiot." "This is a mistake." "That woman is not Bo Derek!" "That was close." "Too close." "I demand to speak to the American Embassy!" "Frabbrizio, it's time your son is told of his destiny." "This is no life for my son." "I will never tell him of his true destiny." "Frabbrizio decided to keep the family legacy a secret from his son." "The boy never knew the truth about his urge to disguise himself  with anything he could find." "Pistachio, I hope you're not making faces in the mirror with the underwear on the head." "That would be crazy, Papa." "Unless I had the shaving-cream beard to go along with it." "This is my grandson Pistachio." "He has always been a little different." "From the beginning, he had impulses he couldn't control." "You slap me, I slap you." "As Pistachio grew up, he couldn't help mimicking people around him." "Add the copper sulfate." "Add the copper sulfate." "Add just a little bit of luminol." "Add just a little bit of luminol." "But he always had a hard time fitting in." "You think you got muscles now?" "Try this." "Okay." "Why does he have underwear on his head?" "What he didn't know was that his true adventure was about to begin." "There's a young lady out here to see you." "For me?" "Fantastico!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "A young lady." "Hey, amico!" "There's a girl waiting for me!" "Mama!" "Ask your nice lady friend to come in, and I'll make you corned beef ravioli." "What a grand idea, Mama!" "Oh, my sonny-son, handsome son." "Go, go, go." "Naturally, Pistachio wanted to find a girl just like Mama." "Sophia." "What an unexpected surprise, love-cake." ""Love-cake"?" "I so enjoyed meeting you last evening." "I know we had some laughs at the bar last night, but you're not my type." "Besides, I have a boyfriend." "So don't call me, okay?" "I gotta go." "Yes." "Something about her reminds me of my mama." "Oh, yes." "She will be a great cook." "Papa." "I straighten the menu." "I'm okay." "I'm okay." "Excuse, young man." "I notice that you became acquainted with the sidewalk a moment ago." "I'm not a sports kid." "Pistachio, do one of your funny voices and cheer the kid up." "What an excellent idea, Bernardo." "Yes, yes." "I do for you now a scene from the hit motion picture Shrek." "You ready?" "Okay." "Why don't you get away from me, Donkey?" "What you talking about, "Get away from you"?" "I'm making waffles." "Oh, what a cute little puppy." "I see you like my dog." "His name is The Cuteness." "I never had a dog." "Well, perhaps your papa will buy you a dog." "I never had a dad." "Papa deficient, yes." "You can play with The Cuteness any time you want." "Let me introduce myself." "My name's Pistachio Disguisey." "My name's Barney Baker." "A pleasure, Barney Baker." "And now, hungry patrons." "Arrivederci!" "Moron, use a tray next time." "Those are too many plates." "Ah, the new waiter, Rex." "So cute in your inexperience." "Watch and learn, my friend." "Yes, I clean." "I clean." "Goodbye, gooey sauce." "Cheese?" "Yes, I give you cheese." "Yes, nice cheese." "Yes, cheese." "You like, huh?" "Oh, yes." "Papa." "And finally, we have fresh, bouncing baby shrimp." "I'll just take the spaghetti." "And do me a favor, buddy." "Get me some man-sized meatballs." "Am I going too fast for you?" "Am I going too fast for you?" "You mocking him?" "You mocking him?" "You better not be." "You better not be." "Pistachio, stop it." "No mocking." "Pistachio, stop it." "No mocking." "Why do you let that little nutball be a waiter?" "Listen." "You have a problem with my son, then you have a problem with me." "You are not welcome here." "You, and you, get out!" "Pistachio, what did I tell you?" "Yes, I know, Papa." "I'm sorry." "I couldn't help myself." "The mocking's getting worse." "Nonsense." "There's so many voices in my head I don't know who I am." "Listen." "You are Pistachio Disguisey, and you're a great waiter." "That is one of the voices." "Not the loudest one" "No." "You are my son, you understand?" "And I will always be proud of you." "We should have gone to Burger King." "Perhaps my destiny is far away." "No, my son." "Your destiny is here, okay?" "Yes, destiny is here." "But, Papa, don't preach." "I'm in trouble deep, and I'm keeping my baby." "You're what?" "What?" "Excuse, waiter Rex." "What are you doing with your arm around the cake?" "The tush queen, what are you doing out here with the oversized Rex?" "Look, Pistachios, the silly voices, the making faces..." "...it was fun for one second, okay?" "Only one second?" "I never wanted to go out with youse!" "I love Rex." "Yeah, got it?" "I see." "I can take a hint." "The message is coming through loud and clear." "I gotta get back to work, baby." "Okay." "Goodbye, Pistachios." "Get in the car, huh?" "Oh, my little cannoli." "You'll make my Pistachio very happy." "Get in the car now!" "Get him in there!" "Let's go!" "Ransacked!" "Hello?" "Police?" "In my home, it is full of ransackery." "Everything different." "Where--?" "My name is Pistachio." "Mama's cannoli is here." "Don't call again." "Mama!" "Papa!" "Heavenly Father, show me a sign." "I promise I'll never mock you again." "My family is missing, and I don't know what to do." "I don't know what to do." "I don't know what to do." "I don't know...." "Can I help you?" "I came to help you, Pistachio." "Help me what?" "Find your mother and your father." "My son." "My father your son." "Holy cannoli, you are my sister." "You don't have a sister, pea brain." "I'm your grandfather." "Yes, that was my next choice." "It's been 23 years." "How did you know I needed help?" "That and more will be revealed shortly." "But for now, let me in." "I hunger." "So I come down from the rooftop." "I come home." "And there's no Mama, no Papa, just ransackery." "Did you ask Jeeves?" "Yes, but no such luck." "On the roof, did you hear something that sounded like this.." "Yes, exactly that!" "But without the pain on my face." "We have a clue!" "Grandpapa?" "I'm looking for my grandfather." "Grandfather not here." "I'm sorry." "It's me, you idiot!" "Amazing." "You sound like Grandfather." "Fool!" "I am your grandfather." "I don't...." "Latex rubber." "Yes." "It's so soft." "Like a soft, fat baby-bottom face." "This is nothing." "I'm rusty!" "When I'm on the top of my game, my disguise is seamless!" "Yes, without the seams." "And the place is so incredibly clean." "So tidy." "Bravo, Grandpa!" "Put a clamp on your pastry hole." "I'll give it to you straight." "You are a Disguisey." "Yes, Pistachio Disguisey." "I'm begging you, curb your yammering skull cave!" "Now, throughout history the Disguiseys used their skills as Masters of Disguise for the betterment of mankind." "In Europe, they used their power to catch thieves." "Now I've got it." "It's mine." "The statue is alive!" "They were the world's first environmentalists." "Sorry, George Washington, no cherry tree for you." "Abraham Lincoln was such a boring speaker that the Disguiseys had to help him get elected president." "If you'll excuse me, I just need a drink of water." "Rough crowd." "Let's party!" "Hit it, boys!" "Vote for me, we'll get funky this year!" "This is your legacy, Pistachio." "These are your people, and you are one of them." "But Papa runs a restaurant." "Your father was the world's greatest Master of Disguise." "But Papa runs a restaurant." "This is what you are doing." "This is what I want you to do." "Any questions?" "Your parents, despite my objections insisted on keeping the legacy a secret." "That's why we haven't spoken in years." "But my papa" "It is time for you to find your father and mother." "You mean, we will find my father and my mother." "lmpossible." "Sorry." "But why?" "This is the sacred book of the Disguisey way." "Like a Boy Scout handbook?" "You cannot compare this book to anything else known to man." "It's a pop-up!" ""lf a father and mother are missing only a son who has become a Master of Disguise can save them without any direct help from the grandfather."" "That's one specific farmer." "Now I must find your father's nest." "Come again?" "A "nest"?" "Is there a place your father goes to spend time by himself..." "...that is dark, that is secretive?" "The attic is dark and secretive." "Show me this attic." "So, Grandpa this is the attic." "This is a pretty ordinary attic." "There's nothing" "What?" "What?" "What?" "What?" "A magic ball." "Behold your father's nest." "Heavens to Betsy." "Yes." "I knew he would keep one, just in case." "Yes." "Just in case." "Now you'll be a Master of Disguise." "Really?" "A Master of Disguise?" "I'm going to be a Master of Disguise I'm going to be a Master of Disguise" "Enough!" "Your mother and father are in grave danger." "Your training begins now!" "Brilliant." "You are disguised as a fatty." "What is happening?" "I'm getting bigger." "I got so fat." "Pistachio!" "Remember me?" "Devlin Bowman?" "We both know you were the woman, that night in Palermo." "Because of you, I spent 20 years in prison." "Thanks to a potion in the caramel corn she thinks she's still at home preparing dinner." "But we know better." "Don't we?" "Oh, my goodness!" "Okay, okay." "Stop." "We'll have soup today." "You're right." "I was Bo Derek that night in Palermo." "What do you want?" "I want you to drop your pizza apron become a Master of Disguise again and help me obtain the world's rarest treasures." "You're a sick man, Bowman." "Are the teeth in?" "Yes." "Good." "Here, and here." "There's minimal adhesive spillage." "That's not bad." "Good." "Now all I have to do is disguise my voice, right?" "Open sesame." "Open sesame." "Stop that!" "Buffoon!" "Clown!" "Anyone can put on a disguise and change his voice." "But you said that was the secret power of the Disguiseys." "Not exactly." "It's time for you to learn about the invisible energy field that bonds all Disguiseys, past and present." "It is called:" "Energico." "Energico." "When you learn to tap into Energico, you'll access words, skills, ideas that you never dreamed possible." "You'll be able to act and feel like another person." "You will become another person." "Become another person." "But first, you must repeat the mantra:" "Become another person." ""Become another person." Nothing." "Again." "Become another person." "Repeat." "Become another person." "Become another person." "Become another person." "Good." "Who are you now?" "The question is, who are you?" "I'm Prince Lali Jhamba from the Ringy Dingy Heights near Bombay, Calcutta and New Delhi, India." "India." "India." "It is time to test that." "What is it?" "That is a big reptile." "Not a problem." "Oh, yes." "He wouldn't hurt anybody now." "I'm going to call him Buttercup." "So cute, eh?" "Tickle-tickle-tickle-tickle." "Energico." "God help me, I love it." "Down, boy." "A complete transformation." "You like the cheese." "Go get the cheese." "You know you love it." "Now, sometimes during your travels, you may be required to defend yourself." "Disguiseys don't believe in hitting with a closed fist." "Always hit with an open hand." "Make your point, but give the man his dignity." "Dignity." "Observe." "Elbows in, extend." "Now you try." "Elbow in, extend." "Okay, slappy-dummy man." "Well, I think I've got" "Pistachio, no." "Learn to empty your mind." "Allow Energico to flow through you." "ls there a mantra for the hitting?" "No!" "But to demoralize your opponent repeat the phrase, "Who's your daddy?" in mid-slap." "Watch." "Who's your daddy?" "Who's your daddy?" "Who's your daddy?" "Thanks for letting me borrow the Constitution." "You're Michael Johnson, the fastest man alive." "You ready?" "Yes, sir, Mr. Johnson." "Go!" "Thanks, guys!" "You should read this, Bowman." "You might learn something." "I love having a Master of Disguise do my bidding." "That's it." "Have you forgotten something?" "My men are ready to pounce on my command." "No more." "Please, stop." "All right, all right." "Okay, so you want to play games?" "Let's play games." "Who is your daddy?" "I'm your daddy." "I'm your daddy." "I'm your daddy...." "She could be a good wife for you." "Well, am I truly a Master of Disguise now?" "Not exactly." "You're a level-one apprentice." "White belt." "Yes! "Level one." I like the sound of that one." "How many levels are there?" "Seven thousand." "That's many colored belts." "Yes, you're a rookie." "Listen." "It is a Disguisey tradition at this point in time, we hire you an assistant." "An assistant?" "Yes, I am going to get an assistant." "I was secretary for Jensen and Loeb" "Get out!" "I beg your pardon?" "Out!" "Now!" "Get out." "What are you doing here?" "History!" "Wrong!" "Take her away." "Get out." "Idiot!" "Get out!" "Freak." "Get out!" "Freak." "Get out!" "Freak." "Out!" "Out!" "Fifty applicants." "Fifty losers." "Yes." "Perhaps my destiny does not come with an assistant." "I'm okay." "I'm okay." "You too young for this job." "Go home and change your diaper." "Get out!" "I don't wear a diaper." "Pistachio." "Come see." "There's a talking baby here." "I want to see the talking baby." "Brave Barney, good to see you." "You know this baby?" "Of course." "I was potty trained when I was 2." "Of course." "You are the conductor of the potty train." "Barney." "Is this the place?" "I just came from a yoga class." "I hope that's okay." "Grandpa, this is Barney and...." "I'm his mom, Jennifer." "Hi." "Jennifer." "A pleasure, yes." "Sweetie, go practice your ollies, and I'll see you later, okay?" "Please, come in." "Measurements." "Measurements?" "What for?" "It's for a uniform." "Oh, yeah." "Okay." "It's 35-24-34." "You said 34?" "A little bottom." "I don't know if I'm right for this." "Barney said you were looking...." "I'm sorry, he's only 7." "He thinks your name is Pistachio." "That is my name." "Well, that's nice." "So okay." "What is the job?" "What exactly do you guys do?" "I am a Master of Disguise." "He is also a Master of Disguise." "Technically, he's a level-one apprentice." ""Master of Disguise"?" "I don't get it." "You got a problem with the word "master," or "disguise"?" "Or the word "of"?" "Well, what would I have to do?" "What does she have to do?" "Not so fast." "Answer me this first:" "Do you fold easily under pressure?" "What kind of pressure?" "The kind that makes you cry." "Like a little baby in its crib." "What's it pay?" "Pay?" "Paid in honor, dignity, pride." "Honor, dignity, pride...in its crib." "Actually, I need cash." "This cat has claws." "Me likey." "Me likey too." "But this cat's got no Mama caboose." "You guys know I can hear you, right?" "It pays $41 7 a week, plus Delta Dental." "I'll take it." "It's yours." "But hear me." "Assistants fall in love with their Disguisey masters." "Can you resist Pistachio?" "Yes can you resist me?" "So listen to me true, Pistachio." "You are now a level 1.5 apprentice." "Without your help, how will I know what to disguise myself as?" "Listen to your Disguisey instincts." "Answer these questions for yourself:" "Who, why, where, how would they take your mother and father?" "Yes." "Who, why, where and why?" "No, wrong!" "Who, why, where and how?" "Oh, yes." "Who, why, what?" "What and what and what and what?" "What?" "Wrong!" "Who, why, where, how?" "Yes." "Who, why, where, how?" "That's it!" "You got it!" "Yes!" "Who, why, where, how?" "I say, who, why, where, how?" "I say, who, why, where, how?" "I say, who, why, where, how?" "Yeah, you, employee." "My grandson is still raw." "He's unfocused." "When he becomes another person, he may be unpredictable." "About the dental, when Barney and I get stuff done do I pay it, then you reimburse me?" "Or do I bill Delta Dental directly?" "I'm not sure how it works." "You sicken me." "I almost forgot." "Here is your Nest in a Box." ""Nest in a Box"?" "You may need it." "It comes with instructions." "There is something else." "The Disguisey Ball of Knowledge." "When you are in dire straits and don't know what to do, this will be handy." "I won't let you down, master." "I hope not." "Disguisey thing comes with a lot of accoutrements." "So long, master!" "Bye-bye." "All right, now." "Where to begin our search?" "Well, I guess we could look around at the spot your father was taken." "That's your idea?" "That's it?" "To look around at the spot where my father was taken?" "Well, that's crazy." "So crazy it just might work." "You know, this could be something." "Please, assistant, don't play in the trash while I am in full father-finding mode." "I dated a guy who used to smoke these." "This cigar's from the Turtle Club." "Look at the label." "You want to play games?" "I'll play games with you." "There we go." "I dated a guy who used to smoke these." "This cigar's from the Turtle Club." "Jennifer, do you remember the thing you once said about the guy you used to date from the Turtle Club?" "Yeah." "Yes, my Disguisey instincts are going crazy." "We should pay a visit to this Turtle Club." "It's impossible to get in there." "You have to be a member." "You make me laugh." "We'll see what's impossible, my ever-doubtful assistant." "Now, quickly to the nest!" "You know, the name the "Turtle Club," it's just a name." "You're taking it too literally." "Turtle." "May I help you?" "You a member of the club?" "Not exactly." "Not exactly." "But am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club?" "ls he okay?" "He's fine." "He's fine." "Turtle." "Turtle." "He's dreamt of this place ever since he was a child." "Do you think we can go in for a moment?" "We'll be out in five minutes." "Please." "All right." "Turtle?" "Not turtle?" "No." "Turtle?" "Not turtle." "Could you tell me, do you recognize this?" "I recognize that." "I made that cigar for Devlin Bowman's private collection." "Devlin Bowman." "Turtle!" "ls he okay?" "He's fine." "I'm fine." "Turtle." "Do you think you can give me an address or phone number for Mr. Bowman?" "Are you crazy?" "I can't give you that information." "No information." "What if harm found its way to you?" "Terrible turtle harm." "Would that change your mind?" "It's time to go into my shell." "No." "No, shell." "Shell time coming." "A name is just fine." "Thank you much." "Turtle harm." "The kind of harm that makes you cry out in the night like a little baby." "Hey, baby." "Can I buy you a drink?" "And maybe some pond water for your friend?" "Very funny." "Turtle!" "Where did he go?" "I don't really know what to say about what went on back there." "I know, it was like a dream, but real." "I don't" "Tomorrow we will find out just who this Devlin Bowman is." "This turtle thing" "Then we'll find Mama and Papa." "If I'm going to work tomorrow I'll need a lift because my boyfriend has my car." "A boyfriend." "Yes, a boyfriend." "It's getting late." "I'm going to go in, okay?" "Okay." "Good night, my love-cake." ""Love-cake"?" "What?" "You said "love-cake."" "Why would I?" "Your hindquarters are scrawny." "What?" "What I was trying to say is that I have a present for Barney." "Give this to him, from his dad?" "What?" "Da-da-da-dat-ltalian guy." "Me." "Oh, okay." "This is very sweet of you." "Kneepads." "He can use these." "Well, thank you." "Nighty-night." "Good night." "Sleepy time, she comes." "Thanks for the Liberty Bell." "I'll bring it right back." "And remember, that's an action figure, not a doll." "Sure thing, Governor Ventura." "Thanks." "Who'd have thought Governor Ventura would be the perfect disguise to abscond with the Liberty Bell?" "Me." "My skills were meant for the betterment of mankind, not for greed and evil." "Please." "You should see your hair." "You've got serious mask-head." "Pistachio, meet my boyfriend, Trent." "There he is." "Heard a lot about you, Pistach." "How are you?" "I forgot my purse." "I'll be right back." "Lay off my lady, you freak." "My, you are a touchy-feely guy, Trent." "Saved by the uncoordinated little brat." "Hey, Barn." "Grind that curb, buddy." "Yeah!" "I'm okay." "I'm okay." "What a loser." "Thanks for the pads." "They help." "You'll learn with practice, Barney." "I'll keep trying." "What kind of crap are you putting in his head?" "Niceness?" "Niceness?" "What are you, his dad?" "You trying to horn in on my action?" "You trying to horn in on my action?" "What?" "What?" "You mocking me?" "You mocking me?" "But I warn you, Trent." "My slap-practice dummy gets quite a workout lately." "You want to fight?" "See what awaits you?" "First watch the feet." "So fast." "Look at my hands." "Look at them." "Too fast." "Hey, Barn." "Just keep practicing." "You'll just be fine, okay?" "I'm ready." "How come I can't do it and you can?" "Baby, I'll see you after work, okay?" "Bye." "He is so good with children, huh?" "I'm never gonna find anything about this Devlin Bowman guy." "Who's your daddy?" ""To be the world's greatest black marketeer and possess the rarest treasures on earth then store them in an underground lair."" "What?" "This guy is crazy." "Did you hear this?" "I can't believe he would write something like this." "Freaky guy." "Yes, we now know the who and the why." "But where do we find a man obsessed with such a rarity?" "Well, there's this memorabilia fair tomorrow with rare toys and stuff." "Maybe he'll be there." "So you think that Bowman will show up to see these rare items." "That's crazy." "So crazy it just might work." "Pistachio and Jennifer went to the antique show hoping to find Bowman." "My grandson decided to disguise himself as a lady." "Appraise this!" "What are you doing?" "That's the Nest in a Box." "It appears to be of Tuscan design." "I'd say early 1 2th century." "I knew it was old, you fool." "Let me appraise you:" "You're an idiot." "A complete idiot." "How does it feel?" "What is this?" "1 2th century Tuscan?" "It's nice." "I think that's him." "That's Bowman." "Oh!" "Well, you're a tall drink of water." "And I just love moisture." "What?" "Allow me to introduce myself." "My name is Gammy." "Gammy Num Num." "Devlin Bowman." "Don't be ashamed of your feelings." "Your desires are perfectly normal, I assure you." "What desires?" "Well, guess what, Backstreet Boy?" "This Girl Scout isn't content to be the Malcolm in your middle." "Run along, Gammy." "Run along." "Touching me!" "Pushing me." "There's pressure." "Moving me back." "Touching." "Go." "Go." "What's your name?" "I'm Barbara." "Nice to meet you, Barbsie." "We're never going to make babies." "Right." "I'm having South American art dealers to my house on Sunday." "We won't go anywhere with you, melonhead." "I'd love it if you'd join us." "I'd love it if you'd shut up." "No need to bring anything except that beautiful smile." "Ciao." ""Ciao." Did you hear that?" "Italian." "Look out for the Italian man." "Fetch!" "Come on, fetch!" "I'm not comfortable with the new plan." "It's very easy." "Listen." "If you will distract Bowman at the party..." "..." "I'll disguise myself as a" "No!" "I'm Master of Disguise." "I'm sorry" "What sorry?" "The job description didn't say anything about dating weird old guys." ""Dating weird old guy."" "What?" "Look." "Look what The Cuteness found." "On page 52 the scary monster say, "From time to time, assistants to level 1.5 apprentice Masters of Disguise may be required to date weird old guys."" "Well...." "There you have it." "Their plan was simple.." "Jennifer would sneak into the mansion and look for clues while Pistachio would distract Bowman." "Gentlemen, sorry to keep you waiting." "My dear, I'm delighted you came." "Excuse me, but where is the ladies' room?" "In the main house, down the hall, first door on your left." "Want me to show you?" "No, it's okay." "Hurry back." "Okay." "Nice." "Lovely woman." "Will you excuse me, please?" "We'll party all night long." "Right." "Having fun." "Have fun." "I must speak to someone" "Say hello to my little friend." "What is that?" "Don't touch." "See that?" "That is a rare shrunken head of a tribal chieftain from the village of Constopolocolus Holiholibosis...." "I'm telling you, Scooby-Doo is computer-generated." "No way!" "It looked so real." "I'm very interested in this, but I have to check on something." "Choking?" "!" "Heimlich maneuver." "I'm not" " I'm not" " I'm not choking!" "Are you choking or not?" "I gotta know." "I'm not choking." "Not choking." "My mistake." "He was not choking, and I was doing the Heimlich maneuver." "Could be dangerous." "I'm sorry." "That's my fault." "Someone's not choking no maneuver!" "No maneuver!" "Robin, Ricky, it's him." "I better take these." "Chicken satay?" "And get that little stick stuck in my esophagus?" "Not a chance." "What else you got?" "Crab cakes." "With your attitude, they should be "crabby" cakes." "Now I'll ask you, have you got a little wiener and some tiny nuts?" "I could tell by looking at you, that you had a little wiener and some tiny nuts." "Oh, yeah." "Hi!" "I was just looking for the bathroom." "ln the living room?" "You had lovely furniture and I just thought I'd" "I'll show you." "After you freshen up, join me on the terrace for an aperitif." "It's lovely out there." "Oh, yeah!" "Gotta dance." "Who is this guy?" "This idiot is ruining my party." "Bring him to me." "Did you see a dark-haired guy run by?" "Dark-haired guy run by, chief?" "Dark-haired guy go in the water." "Shark in the water." "Farewell and adieu..." "...my wee Spanish ladies." "What are you talking about?" "What?" "What?" "I'm talking about a great white, chief." "Two ton of him." "Twenty, maybe 25-footer." "There's no shark here." "You sure about that, chief?" "You ever seen a shark's eyes, chief?" "Kind of like dolls' eyes, all black and lifeless-like." "Twenty nine kids go in the water." "Twenty two kids come out of the water." "The ice cream man, he take the rest." "April the 9th, half past 4 p.m." "Wait." "Show me your arm." "You want to see my arm, chief?" "That's my arm right there, chiefy." "Stop becoming another person." "Stop becoming another person...." "It is him!" "I run away from the big blue henchies!" "I stepped on a cow pie!" "Forget about it." "I told you he wasn't here." "Let's go back." "Fresh air." "I told you!" "There he is!" "Hello." "My name's Constable Mueller from the Bavarian Tax Authority." "Hello." "I'm here looking for Ms. Jennifer Baker." "She owes a substantial amount of taxes from her time as an exchange student at the University of Heidelstrudel." "I just need to ask her a couple of questions." "Not going to bite her." "Could I just speak with her for just one moment?" "Not going to bite." "Freak." "Yes?" "Don't move." "Wait right here." "Yes, of course." "Wait right here." "Doesn't sound too promising." "Maybe it's time to go to plan B." "You need to relax." "Yes, you do." "God, no." "I just-- I don't really like being touched." "You dropped your purse." "Thank you." "I got it." "Okay." "Let's see what's in here, shall we?" "There's nothing inside." "I had a little cold, so there's medicine for that." "It's gross in there." "Why don't you come with me, my dear?" "This way." "Yes." "Where did you come from?" "Where's the other guy?" "Suave." "Terry Suave's the name." "London, Scotland Yard." "What do you want?" "It's what the British government wants." "And that's a Miss Jennifer Baker-- At her service...." "In regards to Operation Minty Hippo." "Minty Hippo?" "What is that?" "I'd tell you, but it'd be a real ding-dong-ding-wad I need a Charleston Chew." "Get it?" "Got it?" "Doubt it." "It's time for you to go." "Put a squeeze on your chat box." "What?" "This is what you're doing." "This is what I want you to do." "Any questions?" "Did you just tell me to shut up?" "Yes, you catch on straightaway." "The muscle." "Yes, of course." "Familiar scenario." "You want to get physical?" "A blow to the dewy gumbel would start things." "Finally, a smack to the didgy dodge." "Did someone yell, "Timber"?" "Listen." "It is okay." "I did receive a letter." "She received a letter." "Get it?" "Got it?" "Doubt it." "Good day to you, sir." "Follow them." "I believe that Devlin Bowman has forced my papa to become a Master of Disguise once more in order to steal rare treasures from around the world." "My Disguisey instincts tell me that they're in the mansion somewhere." "My tight blue sweater!" "Sorry, Trent." "Trent?" "Who is this?" "Hey, baby." "We were just" "Sophia!" "You, here, with Trent?" "What are the odds?" "Shut up, clown." "Leave him alone, you bully!" "Don't worry." "The slapping time, she comes." "I'm gonna enjoy this." "Pistachio, it demoralizes your opponent to repeat the phrase, "Who's your daddy?"" "Yes." "Who's your daddy, Trent?" "Who's your daddy?" "Having fun now, Trent?" "How do you do?" "Oh, Pistachio!" "Thank you for saving me from that horrible person." "Let's go, Jennifer." "Hey, my little waiter friend, Pistac" "Thanks for letting me borrow the Apollo for my tour." "No problem, Miss Simpson." "Thanks for the CDs." "I hope you like them." "Jessica Simpson." "You seem tired, Frabbrizio." "Don't worry." "It's almost over." "You're insane!" "Thoroughly insane." "Am I?" "He's asleep with The Cuteness." "I want to get something off my chest." "Today, when I saw you dressed up like the crazy, hairy guy at that moment, I really thought you were this pathetic, insane, absurd spastic little man." "And now I believe that you can do anything." "That's very nice, but not true." "I can't turn mud into oatmeal, or build a spaceship that will travel to Pluto." "But you can find a way to rescue your mama and your papa." "Yes." "Yes, I believe now too." "Your pep talk has transformed me, tiny butter-bottom." "I mean, Jennifer." "You said, "Tiny butter-bottom."" "Did I, the future mother of my babies?" "I mean, Jennifer?" "You said, "Future mother of my babies."" "Did I, fat-cat mama with the red dress on?" "I mean" "You said, "Fat-cat"" "I don't know why I said that." "It just was the emotion." "It just...." "My first kiss." "I must apologize, I was a little forward." "But perhaps you enjoyed a little bit?" "You know what time it is?" "No, I don't know." "I don't know what time it is." "Time to make a plan." "Ah, yes." "Yes." "Back to business." "The planning time, she comes." "Okay." "All right." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Nice." "Fresh too." "Night." "Night." "Night now." "Good night." "The Cuteness was on guard." "But he'd be no match against Bowman's henchmen who had orders to kidnap Jennifer." "Time was running out as Bowman put the final touches on his evil scheme." "Grandfather, please, I need your help." "I am out of ideas." "Grandfather, you are a big floating head." "I'm a prerecorded hologram." "What's your question?" "I have not mustered enough Energico to overcome our enemies." "I was hoping you'd be here." "What you doing here?" "My mom's missing, but I found this." "Bowman's cigar." "ls my mom okay?" "She's just out buying cigars now." "We have work to do!" "I need a disguise to get into the Bowman mansion." "How about if you dress--?" "Silence!" "Grandpa, why don't we give him a chance?" "Sometimes out of the mouth of babies...." "All right, but quietly." "You never know who might be listening." "That's crazy." "So crazy" "It just might work!" "Feast your eyes!" "Some of the world's greatest treasures." "The Liberty Bell." "There's Mona Lisa." "The ruby slippers." "A Betsy Ross original." "How about that David?" "We got Bruce Willis' hairpiece from Die Hard 2." "One of my prized possessions here, the Apollo 1 1 Lunar Module." "Yep." "One small step for man." "Black MarkEbay has a policy of not asking how items are obtained." "But in your case, I am curious." "Italy's own Frabbrizio Disguisey." "Okay, so it is the Master of Disguise." "Want to see him?" "So you're gonna auction him off?" "Too easy." "It's you." "Right." "I'm going to Krazy Glue this to Frabbrizio's head." "Then tomorrow, I'll push him over a cliff." "Everyone will think I'm dead." "It's called the perfect crime." "Ever heard of it?" "Let me show you the rest of the items." "Mr. Bowman, no cherry pie?" "Later, Palmer." "Come on." "I don't even know where this cherry pie came from." "Go figure." "These cherries are so ticklish." "And slippery." "The Cuteness, this is dangerous." "Go home." "It's Cherry Pie Man!" "Get him!" "Jennifer was forced to be the Black MarkEBay spokesmodel as our nation's treasures were auctioned off." "The famous "We the People. "" "Yo, Doug." "Check this out." "Did it ever occur to you that this cherry pie thing was Frabbrizio's son?" "!" "No matter." "Oh, by the way, Steve, your wife called." "Oh, that's great." "Thank you, sir." "Sure." "You're not married!" "Pistachio?" "Now we got you." "How did you know it was me?" "Who's your daddy?" "This little dude is slapping these ninja guys senseless!" "I set you free!" "That's my belt!" "Wait!" "Ninjas!" "Out of the way!" "Anyone who stays gets a raise!" "No way!" "He slap us silly!" "You may want to see this." "Smorgasbord." "Mama, look out!" "No more caramel corn for me." "Pistachio." "Grandpapa." "I wanted to witness your first Disguisey victory." "Hey, Disguiseys, it's not over yet." "First you will see who is your daddy." "I was going to throw him off a cliff." "Instead, I'll have him kill you." "Papa." "Papa!" "I am not your Papa." "He must have been pulled to the dark side of Energico." "There's a dark side?" "Exactly like Star Wars?" "I am Devlin Bowman!" "No, Papa, you are not Bowman." "Take off your mask." "Let's all go grab a bite to eat at the Olive Garden." "I am Devlin Bowman!" "I have a secret underground lair filled with rare objects!" "Because of you Disguiseys I spent 20 years in the Palermo State Penitentiary." "I hate you!" "But, Papa" "Pistachio!" "This is between father and son." "I am not your papa!" "Pistachio, be careful!" "You are my papa!" "I swear you are." "No, I am not!" "Goodbye, peanut!" "No, Papa!" "Use the Energico, Pistachio!" "Yes." "Papa Bowman." "Please, don't you remember?" "I'd put the underwear on my head." "You'd take it off." "Those were the days." "Right?" "What are you talking about?" "Underwear coming...." "Stuck in butt crack...." "His underwear's on his head." "Just like when he was a little boy!" "Take those underwear off your head!" "Take that mask off your face." "Papa!" "Moustache, Papa!" "Yes!" "The nose!" "Yes!" "Get the eye." "Another!" "Yes!" "Papa!" "Papa!" "Yes!" "My son." "It's Frabbrizio!" "Pull him up!" "The Disguisey tradition." "Papa free!" "So we freed Mama." "Jennifer became Mrs. Disguisey." "And Barney got a papa." "Finally, Pistachio became a Master of Disguise." "There was one thing left to do." "We had to get the Constitution from Bowman." "Can I get you anything?" "What do you get a man who has everything?" "I can't believe it, it's President Bush!" "What?" "Good to see you." "Mr." "President?" "Folks around here call me "W" but you can call me King George." "That was a joke, son." "Mind if we had a picture together?" "Take your time." "I'm ready." "Say, "Who's your daddy?"" "Sir?" "This is what you're doing." "This is what I want you to do." "Questions?" "It's you!" "Yes." "Yes, it is me, the Master of Disguise." "Get him!" "We're Disguiseys." "I think I stepped in a cow pie." "Forget about it." "Bring on the heat." "I came to get the Constitution back." "And this one's for you, chiefy!" "Is he dead?" "Bowman, he make the stinky." "Who's!" "Your!" "Daddy!" "Say hello to my little friend." "By the authority of the Disguisey tradition page 73 of the pop-up book I hereby pronounce you wife, son and Master of Disguise." "Bravo, my son, bravo." "I shot an elephant in my pajamas." "How he got there, I'll never know." "I'd like to spin you on your spinely-spobbly spibbly." "Oh, baby going to cry?" "His mommy called?" "And cut." "Run, Jennifer, run!" "Pistachio!" "And action!" "I like the juice." "You like the juice?" "Sometimes that Master of Disguise go away." "Sometimes he don't go away." "Okay, now the Master of Disguise can he change into, say..." "..." "Barbra Streisand?" "Of course." "Britney Spears?" "You're a sick man." "The Olsen twins?" "There's a nice, cool little moustache there on the big, bald, mean guy's face." "That's refreshing." "Hold!" "Hold!" "Hold!" "Unleash hell." "I never knew if I'd see Jenny again." "I've seen your type before." "What are you doing?" "I'm Gammy Num Num." "Then take a gammy of my nummy-nums." "We don't want to go anywhere with you, melonhead." "You filthy thief!" "Take that!" "And that!" "And that!" "Buttercup says you are a bad man." "I'm not the dummy, he is." "Can you believe how stiff he is?" "And I'm the one made of wood." "I don't want any trou-bubbles!" "You got a little wiener" "Get the bee out." "I won't play games." "You got a little wiener" " Go away." "Got a little bee." "There's no wiener." "There's just a bee." "I still have the greatest anti-Disguisey weapon of all." "There's a dark side?" "Exactly like Star Wars?" "What's going on?" "Pistachio's in grave danger." "Pistachio, come back!" "A bottom." "Yes." "I see now." "Love is thicker than your behinds." "Look what Daddy made for you." "A little sweater." "I knit it last night for you, little Buttercup." "My name is Gluteus Maximus." "Are you not entertained?" "Why are your arms around the tush queen?" "Wait, I screwed it up." "She's the cake." "You're the queen." "And remember, Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall." "No one really had a clue what he was doing up there in the first place." "Now show me some toys." "Toys?" "Yes, of course." "Toys." "Here." "How about this?" "This is the world's first giant yo-yo." "Oopsie-cadabra." "It looks more like a no-yo." "Hello?" "What?" "Hello?" "What?" "Who--?" "Who are you?" "What were you doing in the slapping dummy?" "Slap!" "Come back here, slapping-dummy man." "It was you all along, all the time." "You were the one." "I'm going to get you." "I'm going to get you." "Now, all right, all right." "Let's not fight." "I just want to talk, okay?" "Now, listen." "I just want to talk to you." "I slap you!" "Come back here!" "Come back here, slapping-dummy man." "I'll get you, Pistachio." "Please, slapping-dummy man." "I'll get you." "I didn't mean it." "I'll get you, Pistachio." "I didn't mean it, slapping-dummy man." "I'll get you." "So we find a nest, and then we started training." "And then we go to the slapping dummy, no offense." "But you gave me quite a workout a few times." "You must really love to slap." "I love to slap." "Yes, you love to slap, yes." "What are you people still doing here?" "You saw the movie." "I'm trying to talk." "All right?" "Goodbye." "All right, so anyway...." "Pistachio, I'm sad." "What is the matter?" "I want to say goodbye." "All right." "We fade up." "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "No more dog food." "Turtle, turtle!"