"I thought you were gonna buy Corn Flakes." "They were all out." " They had no Corn Flakes?" " No, I'm lying." "Do we still have bananas, or did you finish them?" "Yes, you finished them, or yes, we have no bananas?" "A Day at the Zoo." "I make a brilliant documentary on animal behavior and they want to call it A Day at the Zoo." " What's wrong with that?" " What's wrong with it?" " A Day at the Zoo." " It's just so peppy." "Plus, they've had the film for a week." "They can't look at it till today?" " So they're not gonna like it." " They're gonna love it." "Nobody likes a documentary on Saturdays, traditionally." " Okay, can I get you anything else?" " No, thanks." "We're fine." " I'll just go get your check then." " I've got it right here." "Great." "Okay, right." " I mentioned what they want to call it?" " A Day at the Zoo." "Really?" "I shouldn't work for the Family Network." "Why did you tell me to take this job?" " I said nothing." " You should have." "They're so stodgy." "They sent me this memo:" "I can only shoot monkeys from the neck up." "Look at this." "These guys will pick up everything:" "Clothes, records, pots and pans and they'll box it for you." "Isn't that unbelievable of them?" " A Day at the Zoo." " What time is your meeting?" "Five." "What?" "You can come upstairs and help me clean out the closets." "What?" "I can't think of anything I'd enjoy less than cleaning out the closets right now." "Okay, picture this:" "We pull everything out of the closet." "It's all messy and dirty and sloppy and bad." "Then we throw stuff away, put everything back and it's all nice and clean and orderly and good." "You know you want to." "Do you know that what you have is a sickness?" "If I do this alone, I'll end up throwing away your Allan Sherman records." " Don't do that." " I can't promise you." " They're autographed." " Let's go upstairs." " And clean a closet?" " Okay." "This isn't right." "Excuse me." "Excuse me?" "You charged us for pancakes." "But we didn't order them." "You brought them, but we didn't order them." "Yeah, they're very popular." "But I had eggs and a bagel and he had French toast." "And we split the oatmeal, which you didn't charge us for." "So leave off the oatmeal and put on the pancakes..." " Let's just pay her." " Yeah." " You're throwing this out?" " Definitely." " Can I have it?" " Sure." "Fish!" "There never would have been a RoboCop 2 if they'd called the first one A Day at the Zoo." " Can I have this?" " Sure." "Someone sneaks in here at night and puts stuff in our closet." " What are you doing with my new coat?" " Paul said I could have it." "What, like I was paying attention?" " Are you gonna help?" " You wanted me to get organized." "If I watch these tapes and return them, I can clear that shelf for you." "I didn't even believe what I just said." " What are you throwing away there?" " What?" "No, no, no." " What is it?" " This, my friend, is a piece of wood." " So?" " So I could build something with this." "Do you want a summer home or not?" " Have you seen our dog?" " He's over there someplace." " I'm starving, wanna order?" " We're not really hungry." "Well, maybe your guest is." "So why don't you go down to Riff's and get something to eat?" "Sure, send me!" " Listen..." " Okay." " Look at all these shoes." " This is what I've been saying." "We didn't buy them." "They just came with the place." "I have a save pile, a storage pile, a Goodwill pile and a paisley pile which I don't even wanna discuss." " You're throwing out my Bullworker?" " You never even took it out of the box." "I know." "Sadly, I'm not strong enough to open the box." " We said only necessary items." " Excuse me." " Necessary like your pom-poms?" " I need those." "For what?" "To cheer you on while you do your Bullworker." "Now you're talking." "Look at this." "It's isometric, isotonic and it's got a power meter." " What is this?" " That is a clarinet." " Is this the tape?" " Yes." " This is the tape?" " Yes, that is the tape." " I thought you threw this out." " I threw it out in the back of the closet." " You told me you burned this!" " Well, obviously I didn't." " Somebody could have seen this." " I'm on there too." "My God!" "I'll give you $ 1000 to stop hitting me." " I'm getting rid of this." " No, wait." "Come here." "What is the big deal?" "We did it one time." "And it was fun." " Plus, we were young, right?" " We were young and foolish." " Very foolish." "Let me have it." " Why?" "Because we promised each other no one would ever see it." " Yes, but we can see it." " No, we can't." " What do you mean?" " Get rid of it!" " Why can't we watch it?" " Because it's wrong." " How?" " My hair was in between lengths." " Give me the tape." "I'm serious now." " What do you guys wanna eat?" " What's that?" " It's a tape." " Are we gonna watch it?" " No." " Why, what's on it?" " Nothing." "Nothing." "Fine." "I know what's on it." " What?" " I know." "I do, really." "I just don't care to discuss it." " It's me, isn't it?" " Yes." "Hey, Ursula." "Wow, Gary, it came out great." " I'm Lisa." " Lisa." "Good choice." "I like Lisa." " So how do you feel?" " I need to get some stuff to go." "Yeah, no problem." "Everyone, look who's back." "It's Gary." " Did you throw it out?" " Yes." " The incinerator?" " You bet." " Do you think we should have?" " It doesn't matter, it's too late." "Maybe we should have watched it first." " That's what I said." "You didn't want to." " I know." "I know." "You tell me to throw something out, I throw it out." " Now you wish you still had it, don't you?" " I kind of do." " Yeah, all right, here." " You didn't throw it out." " No, I didn't throw it out." " Let's watch it." " Yes." " No, no, no!" " Okay..." " We'll watch it one time." " One time, then we'll throw it out." " Right the hell out." " What are you doing?" " Someone could see." "You're absolutely nuts." "I found Murray." " Murray, go on, get in the other room." " He's all comfortable there." " I don't think he should see this." " Please." "Go on!" "Get the mouse." "Go get the mouse." "There's no mouse." "Very nice." "All right, here we go." " Now, are you ready?" " I'm ready." "You've never watched this, honestly?" " Okay, honestly?" "I almost did." " When?" "Last weekend, when you were at your grandmother's." "But I thought watching it by myself was just too wrong." " I'm glad you waited." " All right." "What day at the zoo would be complete without a visit to the possum family?" "I don't remember this part." " Oh, God!" " What?" "Oh, God!" "What?" "You were away and I was trying to finish the zoo film." "I was finishing it." "I was iffy about that possum section." "I was up all night." "Possum in, possum out." "Possum in, possum out." "And I was cranky and exhausted and I was missing you." "So that's when I got our tape, but then I thought, "No."" "I took out our tape and I took a nap." "And that's when the messenger guy came to pick up the zoo film." "And he was tall and he was waiting." "He was kind of surly." "So I shoved it in the box and I gave it to him." "And now..." "It's funny, I'm standing here and I've got the box to our tape but the tape to A Day at the Zoo." "Which means the Family Network has the box to A Day at the Zoo and..." " My God!" "How could you do that?" " I know!" " God!" " God!" " Hit me again." " Oh, my God!" "I'm back." "Jamie?" "Paul?" "This is real mature." "Where are they?" "Fine, I know where they are." " Mr. Lloyd, how are you?" " How are you?" "Okay." " I see you've got my tape there." " Oh, yes!" " Have you watched that yet?" " Yes, I watched it." "Have you met my wife?" " Hello." " It's nice to meet you." " So you watched the tape?" " There seems to be some mistake." " Yes, and I can explain it." " I thought you could." " And I'm gonna." " And I'll be listening." "I would like to tell you he never does this type of thing." " Neither does she." " No!" "God, no." " See..." " Even when I was in college I was the one who made lunch while everyone went skinny-dipping." " Honey..." " What?" "I'm making a point." " It's just that we were young." " And foolish." "Look, sometimes things happen between a man and a woman..." "I'm sure even between you and your wife, in a very loving way..." "It's not something abnormal." "It's very normal." "Of course it is." "It's just not normally done on tape." "Unless there's cheesy guitar music." " Which we would never do." " We don't have a guitar." " I play a little piano." " Which doesn't really explain the tape." "You know what happened?" "It's just..." "The messenger was so tall." "In other words, you're telling me..." " Could I please have that back?" " With pleasure." "Thank you." "Mr. And Mrs. Buchman, it's been enlightening." " RoboCop 2?" " What?" "RoboCop 2?" " Oh, God!" " What?" "When you were away, I rented, like, eight movies..." "RoboCop 2 and others I knew you'd hate." " It's at the video store?" " Because you were away." "But I didn't get to watch any of them." "I thought I'd better return them." " It's at the video store?" " So I shoved them in their boxes..." "It's at the video store!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" " Roadhouse, Road to Rio." " RoboCop." "There's no RoboCop 2." "Somebody rented it." " You found it?" " Robin and the 7 Hoods." " I didn't know you could get that." " Go find out who rented RoboCop 2." "Don't tell him what's on the tape." " So don't tell him it's you and me...?" " Just go." " Dutch, how are you?" "Good?" " Everything's relative." "True." "Listen..." "You were right about The Pope of Greenwich Village." " Didn't I tell you?" " Don't you love Eric Roberts?" ""Paulie, they cut off my thumb, man." "They cut off my thumb."" " What are you doing?" " Nothing." " I've asked you not to do that." " All right, all right." "Go over to Hanratty's and get me some eggs." "Any kind of eggs?" "Cooked eggs or...?" " Eggs!" " Eggs." "I'll get that." " What can I do for you?" " We're looking for RoboCop 2." " It's out." " Could you tell us who rented it?" " Why?" " I need to see it." " Why?" " What do you mean, "Why?"" "Because she saw the first one and inadvertently she saw the third one." "So until she sees the second one, she's hanging." "Sorry." " Can I just ask...?" " What are you doing?" " Nothing." " I'll have to ask you not to do that." "Let me talk to the man for a second." "Wanna step into my office?" " What's it worth to you?" " You're offering me money?" "Yeah, that's what I'm doing." "Two hundred and thirty-seven dollars." " Two hundred thirty-seven?" " I need snow tires." " Snow tires are $237?" " Good ones." " Honey, I think we're okay." " Really?" "Okay." "Never mind." "Thanks." " Wait." " What?" " Robin and the 7 Hoods." " Let's go!" "6E... 6G... 6J." "Roy Osterback." " What if he recognizes us?" " He's not gonna recognize us." "In 7th grade, my friend Joel's father had a deck of cards with dirty pictures." "Years later, I saw a lady who I could have sworn was the seven of clubs." " So I'm just saying..." " Just knock." "Okay." "Let me say this:" "If he has watched it, and he has a critique of you and me I just will not be able to live." " Okay." " Come on in." "I'm making some lunch." " We're sorry to interrupt." "Don't be silly." "Come on." "Come on!" "You're letting the heat out." " Do you recognize us?" " Should I?" " I don't know." "Should you?" " I give up." "Can I get you a drink?" " We're here to exchange RoboCop 2." " I've got it rented." " Have you watched that yet?" " You guys want something to eat?" " I'll pop a couple of these in the oven." " We're not hungry." " There's turkey and Salisbury steak." " Salisbury steak?" " You're just in time to watch it." " No." "What?" "It would just make us very happy if you would exchange the tapes." "It's the same tape." "Then we'll be on our way." "No." "No?" " I like this one." " He likes this one." "Bill, why don't you get the tape out of the machine?" "Bill, get the tape." "Bill!" "I'm Bill." " What's going on here?" " That tape's been recalled." " Recalled?" " That's correct." "Are you from the video store?" "You guys want a charlotte russe?" "No, we're from the Federal Communications Commission." "If you think we enjoy being paged on a Saturday to do a video recall you're mistaken." "What is this, some kind of government secret?" " Give us our tape and enjoy your lunch." " Don't worry, I'm good with secrets." "Mr. Osterback, watching this tape could affect your health." " How?" " Tell him, Bill." " Bill!" " I should tell him?" "I think you should." "You have clearance." "I do?" "There's nothing wrong with this tape." "You're wrong." "That tape's magnetic stripping is entirely defective." " There's no magnetic stripping." " How do you know?" " Because I work in a video lab." " You do?" "But you don't work with chloride-based tapes." " Chloride-based tapes?" " That's right." " I never heard of that." " That's because it's brand-new." "The truth is, the chloride will "vinvectify" the entire tape." " Oh, my God." " Not all the time, but most of the time." "Careful!" "Vinvectification." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Let's go, Bill." "Can't I get you guys a drink?" "I've got cheese and nuts." "We gotta go." "Okay." "I'll be up later, if you want to come back." "If they call, tell them to patch it through to Central." "Got it." " That wasn't necessary." " I know." "Good, Jamie, just lie there." "Would you stop being so hard on yourself?" " Why am I so passive?" " You're not passive." " You ate all the chicken." " There's chicken." " Show me where there's chicken." " At the bottom." "How did we do that?" "We were young." "Why don't we do that anymore?" "That's why." " That's what happened to that lamp." " I didn't break that lamp." " Yes, you did." " Excuse me." "Pause." " Whose leg is that?" " Don't pause it, we look ridiculous." " I'm very proud of this performance." " We're almost near the end." " How do you know?" " You're getting that look on your face." " What look?" " You know, that really intense look." " What really intense look?" " That look you get." " I don't make that face." " Run it back." " I'm not gonna run it back." " I'm right." " You're not right." " Give me the remote." " Would you..." " Give it to me!" " You're vinvectifying the chicken." " Give me the remote." " Where are you going?" " Show me." " What?" " Show me the face." " You think I'm afraid of you?" " I'd like to see that face." "Take your clothes off." "Paul, Paul, he's our man" "If he can't do it, no one can" "Paul Buchman!" "I can't open this box." "Paul, Paul, he's our man" "If he can't do it, no one can" "Paul Buchman!" "It won't open!" "Paul, Paul, he's our man"