"[music] [sounds of countryside]" "Is there any beer left?" "I don't know." "You gonna make me go look for it?" "Nope." "Shit, you are gonna make me go look." "Fred come home last night?" "Nope." "Hey, move it." "You know, you don't live here." "Man, shut up." "You say that to me at a time like this?" "Time like what?" "God man, you're his damn roommate." "And you don't even care that he's leaving." "Thanks." "I do care." "Look, I know you do, alright." "I guess I'm just cranky, cause I'm hung-over" "I mean I don't know what's wrong with me." "I'm not usually so cranky when I'm hung-over" "I guess I'm just upset like you." "I'm not upset." "What?" "I'm not upset!" "Man, you're like a girl, you know that?" "That's what Darcy always says..." ""I'm not upset." When you're obviously upset." "Look Duck, Fred needs to live his life, okay?" "What, you want him to stay in town?" "In this town?" "This shit-ass little town?" "Because you wouldn't know what to do with yourself if he left." "That's..." "Wow..." "That's grand Duck." "Hey, who are you going to live your life through when he's gone, by the way?" "Dude, you're upset." "So what, shut up." "Look, the reason we were getting together last night was to have a good time with... our friend before he leaves town, not to sit around and feel sorry for ourselves." "Well, I wasn't the one who screwed that up." "What about six hours on the porch last night?" ""Hey, I'm Duck." "I'm drunk." "You wanna shoot a cow?"" "Dude, we were having fun for once in your life." "YOU were having fun." "Yeah, well I wasn't the one who screwed that up either." "And I was?" "No, you idiot." "Fred was." "So, what are you going to do?" "Just sit around and be mad at him all day?" "Dude, I got a right to be mad." "You know what?" "So do you." "I mean, Fred can do what he wants." "That's fine, you know... but, he's not allowed to be an asshole to his friends... just because he's having a mid-life crisis, ...and can't stand being in the same town as his brother anymore." "You know, you are really selfish sometimes." "Yeah, well, at least I'm not in denial." " Bill?" " What?" "Bill?" "What?" "Biiiilllll?" "Can you throw me another beer?" "Ratify as a bill." "Five letters." "Ratify as a bill." "Five letters." "Amend." "No, wait." "What's it start with?" ""T." Well, maybe it depends." "On what?" "Last letter of 32 across." "What's 32?" "Young insects." "What did you put?" "Maggot." " Plural?" " No, just maggot." "No." "Plural?" "Insect or insects?" "Oh." "Insects." "Well, then it would be maggots, but it's not." "It's larvae, the plural of larva." "L-A-R-V-A-E." "And the word you're looking for is enact." "To ratify as a bill." "You ain't right." "Say." "What's your IQ?" "Why?" "Cause I'm curious is all." "Curiosity." "Why do you want to know?" "Because I'm your friend." "Look, Because I care." "What's it matter?" "What's your IQ?" "Will you shut up if I tell you?" "Maybe." "Its 141" " 141?" " Yep." "Is that high?" "It's alright." "Smash on Broadway?" "Three letters." "Hit" " What's yours?" " Huh?" " What's your IQ?" " Shit, I don't know." "You don't know?" "Shit, don't say it like that." "It ain't that weird." "Well, have you ever been tested?" "Shit the last test I remember taking was Darcy's pregnancy test." "And I think we passed that with flying colors." "Well, you should get your IQ tested." "It's a good thing to know." "Why is it a good thing to know?" "Gnothi Sauton my good man, Gnothi Sauton." "Gnothi what?" "It's the philosophy of Pythagoras and Socrates." "It means know thyself." " I do." " Oh?" " Yeah, I do know myself." " You do?" "Hell yeah boy, I know myself." "You just worry about thyself." "Fair enough." "Gnothi Sauton." "I Gnothi Sauton." "I Gnothi Sauton all the time." " Ok." " I'm Gnothi Sauton-ing right now." "Sure thing Duck" "Pythagoras." "Yeah, right." "[Honk, Honk]" "[Honk, Honk, Honk, Honk]" "It's Ted." "What's he honking for?" "Can't he see Fred's truck isn't even here?" " Hey Ted." " Where's Fred?" "Bill?" "Ted." " Where's Fred?" " Haven't seen him since yesterday." "Hey Ted, why are you all dressed up?" "I mean you look like your mama dressed you." "Oh, shit, sorry." "I didn't mean to say that." "I mean, uh, how could she, right?" "It's Sunday Duck." "Well yeah, but you don't go to church." "Oh, shit, you got saved, didn't you?" "It's visitation day Duck." " Oh." "Your dad?" " Fred was supposed to go with you?" "Yep." "That probably explains why he's not around then." "Look, just tell him I came by, alright." "He knows where to find me." "Hey Ted, you want me to lend him a tie or something?" "I think he packed his up already." "You don't have any ties." "I could lend him one of Bill's ties." "Just tell him to call me." " That guy is never happy." " Nope." "It's that damn name." "Hey Ted." "Where's Fred." "I don't know Ted, I haven't seen Fred, Ted." "But look Ted, ...if I see Fred, I'll be sure to tell him to call..." "What's your name again?" "I can't remember." "Fred?" "Ted?" "Shit, you know, I'd be pissed too..." "I'd be pissed too if my parents named my little brother a name that rhymed with mine." "I mean, that's like taking away part of your soul." "Well, not everyone has the luxury of having a catchy nickname Duck." "That's right." "Just try to find a name that rhymes with Duck." "Huh?" "See!" "You can't do it can you?" "Pluck, muck, shuck, buck..." " Uh, huh." " Oh damn it." "Buck." "Shit, I can see why Fred ain't never gone to see his dad in jail." "His parents fucked up his sibling relationship." "You know what else Pythagoras said? "It is better to be killed, than to speak."" "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Why don't you think about it in context?" "I'm doing a crossword puzzle here, alright." "The last thing I need to do right now is think." "Hey, can you throw me another beer?" "That was the last one." " Ah, shit." "You're kidding?" " Nope." "Well..." "I gotta go get some more." "[Timer Dings]" "Fred, you fucking asshole." "Yeah, I said that." "I called you an asshole." "Yeah, I never called you that before, did I?" "Well there, I said it." "I let a lot of shit slide Fred." "Yeah, I did." "Yeah, I did Fred." "I let a lot of shit slide." "I let you be the best at everything." "I even let you brag about it." "Well, that's cool." "I don't care." "I'm just a dumb-ass drunk." "I'm lucky to be your friend." "That's right Duck." "You are lucky to be my friend." "Well, shut up Fred." "You know, I don't care." "You know, but, that's cool." "I'll just stick around, like your damn dog or something." "Ha!" "Dog." "Arffh, arffh!" "Bill don't like it neither by the way, you know." "But he denies it." "He tries to act all tough." "He's just a little chicken shit." "Afraid to say the wrong thing." "Cause he might piss you off." "That's right." "Don't piss me off!" "See, you can't even say anything to you without pissing you off." "So, what now, right?" "You're as good as gone anyway." "What's the difference?" "Hey Duck." "Who you talking to?" "Myself." "Ha ha." "Interesting conversation?" "Nope." "Where you going?" "Corner store." "Yeah, you want a ride?" "Yeah, sure." " Thought I wasn't going to stop, didn't you?" " I considered it." " I wouldn't do that to you." " You might." "Well yeah, I might." "Oh, watch the cake!" "Don't sit on that." "Sorry." "Wow, nice piece." "When did you get this?" "Oh, my daddy gave me that last Christmas." "You know." "For protection." " Huh." " You know, from men." "Rapists and stuff." "Huh." "Although I don't know who would want to rape me." "You wouldn't rape me, would you Duck?" "Umm, no." " Is that for Fred?" " What?" " The cake, umm, is it for Fred?" " Oh, the cake." "No, no, no that's, that's not for Fred." "I thought you meant the gun." "My God Duck!" " Who's the cake for then?" " Oh yeah, that's for Fred." "Well that's mighty nice of you April." "I'm sure he'll appreciate that." " You think?" " Well, well I would." "Darcy doesn't bake you cakes Duck?" "Why would you say that?" "Well, I bet they're not as good as this one." "Well, they must be pretty good then." "I just never figured Darcy for much of a cook." "She holds her own." "Well, I'm sure she has her positive qualities or else you wouldn't have married her." "Yeah." "Yeah, she's got her positive qualities." "Does she?" " Well, yeah." " Oh yeah, well of course she does." "Hey Duck, how's Fred?" "He's fine." " Thanks for the ride." " You're welcome." "Hi Bill." "Hey, April." " Do you want some breakfast?" " Um, no, um." "I'm watching my figure." " Who's the cake for?" " Fred." "I thought so." " Is he here?" " Nope." "Well, where is he?" "I don't know." "He didn't come home last night." "Oh no." "Well, I'm sure he's fine." "He does that you know." "...get's drunk, and wanders around." "Passes out in Fincher's Driveway." " I'm sure he's ok." " Yeah, I'm sure he is." " I didn't know you still cared." " Well, yeah, I guess." "I guess I do." "Hey Bill." "Yeah?" "How come, you and I never went out in high-school?" " Because you were with Fred." " Well I mean before that." "You've been with Fred since the seventh grade." "On and off." "I mean before it got serious." "Well, I don't know April, you know." "Didn't you find me attractive?" "Well, it's sort of like an unwritten law." "I found you attractive." "Did you know that?" "No" "I bet you didn't know that, but I did." "I thought you were... cute." " What?" " Uhh." "I know, you're not suppose to tell boys that." "But you were cute." "And I was a freshmen, and you were a senior, and that was just so cool." "You know but, you were..." "I was what?" "You know I used to think you hated me." "That's a crazy thing to say." "Well you know, that was before I got to know you." "I guess I was scared of you." "Probably because you were just so good looking." "Oh, yes, yes." "Well, you're not scared of me anymore, right?" " No." " Good." "God, if I didn't know you so well, I'd fall for you right now." "But, since you know me." "Well, kinda like you said, it's just a sort of... an unwritten law." "Yeah." "So, did uh, did you see Duck on your way over?" "Duck?" "No." "Why?" "Uhh, stupid bastard went for beer." "I forgot to tell him the store doesn't open for thirty minutes." "He's probably sitting out there, waiting for it to open." "Hey Fred..." "No pain, no gain." "Mr. Fowler." "How are we doing this morning?" "Hey, Mr. Neeley" "I don't open for another thirty minutes, Duck." "Well, I just need to get some beer." "It's important." "Alright." "Come on in." " I can't stay long." " Fred will probably be back any minute." "I know." "I think I'll just come back later." "Ok." "Just uh, tell Fred I came by..." "You know, don't tell him!" "Uumm maybe, I'll surprise him." "I think I'll just come back later and surprise him." "Uh, who should I say the cake is from?" "Oh that, um, I don't know, um..." "...tell him, you made it." "Why do you wear that?" "You are so funny, Bill." "I swear to god, you make me laugh." "Even when you're not trying to." "There's just something funny about you." "April." "You act like I'm leaving." "I'm not leaving." "I know." " Hey Bill, you never answered my question." " What's that?" "Do you find me attractive?" " April." " It's ok Bill." "You can tell me." "Listen..." "Do you ever wonder how things would've been if we tried?" "I mean, it could have been different." "It could've worked." "I know it would've been wrong, but we have to get on with our lives when Fred's gone." "He's not gone yet April." "Bill, will you kiss me?" "I think I want you to kiss me." "Bill?" "Bill, will you kiss me?" " I'm sorry, I can't." " Yes, you can." " April." " What?" "Do you want to tell me something, Bill?" "Huh?" "Do you?" "Kiss me and tell me." "Fine." "[whispering]" " Do you need any help?" " No, don't worry about it." "I got it." "No, it's cool, I got it." " Well, I, I should really go." " Ok, sure." " Um, you got enough to eat then?" " Yeah." "Alright, well, uh, um, I'll see you later then." "Hey Duck, don't eat that cake I left." "You hear?" "It's for Fred." "I won't eat it." " You swear?" " I swear!" " Hey Bill, sit down." " No thanks." " Come on, sit down, have a beer." " No thanks." " Well, why the hell not?" " Well, for one, it's ten A.M." " Man, you're like a female." " You said that twice today." "Well, I wouldn't say it if I didn't care." "Come on, take one." "Damn it, stop listening to your vagina and take one." " No thank you." " It's for you." " I said I don't want it." " Drink it sweetheart." " No." " Fine." "I'll drink it." "Hey Bill." "What did you get on your SAT?" "What is this?" "Pick on Bill day?" "No." "It's Duck takes an interest in Bill day." "What did you get?" " I don't know." " Bull shit!" "I know you know." "No, I don't." "You know." "You always know." "You know your IQ." "It was a 14 something." "I honestly don't remember the exact number." " 14 what?" " I told you." "I don't know." " Horse shit." "What is it?" " I don't know." "Tell me." "Exactly." "1470" " See." " Ok." " 1470 huh?" " Yes." " That's a perfect score, ain't it?" " Not exactly." " Well, it's almost perfect, right?" " No." " But its high?" " Kind of." " What's perfect?" " 16 hundred." " That is almost perfect." " It's a good score." "So, let me ask you something." "How come you got a 141 IQ, and an almost perfect SAT score, ...and you went to the same community college as my ignorant ass." " You're not ignorant." " That ain't the point." "If I had the scores you had, and the IQ you had, the last place I would want to be ...is in the middle of nowhere Texas not learning a damn thing I didn't know already ...at some 3rd rate pseudo community college." "Ooh, pseudo community college." "That's a big word, Duck." "Two words." "So why didn't you go somewhere else?" " What?" "I told you this before." " Oh, right!" "Jenny Gundy!" " Right." " The lesbian." "I didn't know she was a lesbian back then." "I thought I was going to marry her." "So you stayed in this God-forsaken wasteland ...forewent your scholarships and surrendered your dreams for Jenny Gundy?" " I told you." " A lesbian?" "I mean, how could you not know something like that?" "I don't think she knew Duck." "Well, did she enjoy it when you fornicated?" "We never really made it that far." "Well, that should have been your first clue right there." "What are you getting at, Duck?" "Look, I don't know alright." "I don't get it." "I mean it doesn't make sense to me." "It doesn't seem like a good reason to stay, some girl who won't fornicate with you." " And there was nothing else?" " Nothing else what?" " No other reason you stayed?" " No." "Just doesn't make sense to me." "Well, life happens Duck!" "One thing leads to another if I had known then, what I know now, things might have been different, but then again." " Sweet Mother Mary!" " What?" " You got a 1470." " Yes." " Jesus H. Christ!" " What?" " That's nearly twice what mine was." " What was yours?" " Seven something." " Wow!" " What?" " Holy shit." " Wh-What?" " That means you're twice as smart as me." " I don't really think that's what it means." " Wanna arm wrestle?" " Uh, no." " Why not?" " Because it's ignorant." " No it's not." " Believe me it is." "The only reason you think so, is because you know you're gonna lose." "Ok, that may indeed be probable, but it doesn't really make any difference." "I think it would." "Are you trying to make up for your aptitude scores by beating me at arm wrestling?" "No, I just feel like kicking your ass at something." "Oh, well that's very pure of you Duck, but I think I'll pass." "Why?" "Because, I don't measure my self-worth through physical strength specifically that of an arm wrestling match." "Besides, it's completely irrational." "Oh, that's irrelevant." "How is that "Irrelevant?"" "Because, I'm not a rational man." "Now man up." "Will you shut up if I do?" "If you win, I'll shut up for ever, and if I win, you have to drink a beer." " I just drank one." " Well, then you have to drink two." "So be it." "Man up." " Elbows down." " I know." " I know you know." "I'm just reminding you." " On the floor?" " Let's just get this over with." "On Three." "One." "Two." "Wait." "Can we do this, please?" "We may." "One." "Two" " Three." "Huh?" "What the hell is all this fag shit going on in my house?" " Where've you been?" " Who?" "Me?" "No, the other drunk, who's been missing for twenty-four hours." " What's so funny?" " You." " Why?" " You're funny looking." " Where've you been?" " Besides the liquor store." "Liquor, liquor, liquor, liquor..." "Fred, did you buy Peyote from that Indian fellow at the feed store again?" "You're funny looking." "Fred, your brother came by looking for you." " You didn't tell him where I was did you?" " And April too." "April, April, April, April..." " Your Fiancée." " Ex-Fiancée." "April." "Aww, yes, April." "Fred, where have you been?" " To the infernal gates of hell and back." " Gates of hell?" "I have peered into the firey pit." "I have stared into the eyes of the seven-headed beast." "And I looked that son-of-a-bitch in the eyes." "And it was me and it." "Man vs. Beast." "And I said it's either going to be you, or its going to be me." "And it sure as hell ain't going to be me." "And I wrestled with that seven-headed beast through hell-fire, and sulfur." "and brimstone, and hell-sulfur." "And..." "And?" "And I return to you victoriously." " Is that from the Bible?" " I think it's more like Beowulf." "Hey, did my brother come by while I was gone earlier?" " Fred, I think you should sit down." " Yeah, um." "Duck, why don't you run inside and get us some ice water." " Right, ice water." " And a puke bucket." " Is tap water ok?" " Just get the water Duck." "Ok." "Hey, why didn't you come home last night?" "We thought you were dead, or something." "Well, I'm sorry, but I was a little busy." "Well, you could've called." "Well, I'm sorry, but I was a little pre-occupied with a seven-headed beast." "Ok." " Wreathed in flames!" " Alright." " Here." " Have some water." "Hey Duck." "Have you ever looked with your mind for so long that your eyes stop seeing?" "Um, no." "Then consider yourself blessed Duck." "Feel the many blessings upon you." "Ok." "Because when that happens, you see everything." "I'm afraid I don't know what the hell you're talking about Fred." "Hey, Fred, come on." "Drink some water." "You'll feel better." " Beer." " What?" " Beer." " What?" " Beer!" " I think he wants a beer." "He doesn't need a beer." "He's plowed already." "He's a grown man." "If he wants a beer, I say we give him a beer." " BEER!" " See." "Here Fred, have a beer." "Whew..." "We got any Lucky Charms left?" "No" " Cocoa Puffs?" " No." "Well, what do we have?" "Jello" " We got Jello?" " Yeah." " He ain't right." " He's drunk." "I ain't never seem him act like this before it's abnormal." "It's not abnormal, he's drunk." "He just needs to sober up." "Bill, he's talking about wrestling a seven- headed beast, wreathed in hell-sulfur." "If that ain't abnormal, I don't know what is." "He's just drunk." "He's just very drunk." " He's shit canned out of his gourd." " He'll be fine." "I'll tell you what it is." "He's been smoking peyote again with that Indian fella down at the feed store." " He'll be fine." " Ladies and Gentlemen" " He'll be fine." " Ladies and Gentlemen ...I have an announcement to make." "Are you listening?" " Yes." " Duck, you're not listening." " What?" " Shut up Duck." "I am a bad person." "I am a vain, prideful, self-seeking, egotistical son-of-a-bitch." " No, Fred, you ain't." " Shut up Duck!" "And in this pursuit of, of instant gratification, I've found nothing that gives me hope." "I have peered into the chasm of nothingness." "...and I have seen nothing." "But if you want to make a difference in this world, you gotta start with you." "You gotta look away from yourself, not inside yourself." "Away." "Which brings me to this little box." "And more importantly, the thing inside of it." "The thing that symbolizes a life worth living." " What little box?" " Imagine that there's a little box here." " What's in the box?" " Shut up Duck." "I'm trying to imagine the box." "It helps me to imagine." "I'll tell you what's in the box." "What's in the box is a symbol of love, of a life of devotion, of protection, of provision." "I've tried to pretend it ain't true." "But every time I start to think, my feelings lead me to one purpose, and one purpose alone." "What's that?" "April!" "She is the means to my end." "And I am the means to hers." "I've tried to fight it." "I've wrestled with doubt." "I fought doubt last night, and you know what?" "Doubt won." "And it left me stranded, and stripped of myself, and in that barren state, when my mind was blank, and completely devoid of thought, you know what I thought about?" "Nothing?" "April!" "Don't you see?" "When I stopped thinking about myself, I was drawn to one thought." "My wife to be." "What are you saying, Fred?" "I'm saying, we are what we are, and we do what we do, as we are what we are." "And I'm in love with April." "I'm laying down this big bag of boulders and I'm asking the woman I love to take the leap with me!" "You're getting married after all?" "Call the preacher, boys." "So you're not leaving?" "When did you decide this?" "When you were eating that jello there?" "No, last night." "Last night?" "Yeah, last night, when I wrestled my pride and slayed the mighty beast." "Congratulations." "Thank you." " Yeah buddy, congratulations." " Thank you very much." " When's the wedding?" " As soon as possible." "...of course I figure I should tell her first, work out all the details later, but listen fellas, they say that when you know, you know, you know?" "And damn it, I know." "You know, my daddy used to always say, you can't pick your life or your wife." "It picks you." "And your daddy was one profound son-of-a-bitch." "Yes he was." "In honor of this momentous occasion, I feel that a celebration is in order." "Bill, do we have any bubbly?" "Champagne?" " Or beer." " We got beer!" "Well, why don't you go get it, Duck?" "Why don't you go get us some glasses to put it in?" "Oh, right." "Damn, I feel good." "Ain't it a beautiful day outside?" "Yes it is." " It's a great day to be alive." " Congratulations, Fred." " It's a wonderful world we live in." " [DUCK]:" "Should I get the pint glasses?" "No, there's some flutes in the cupboard." "You know, just thinking back to last week I was feeling so shitty." "[DUCK]:" "Hey Bill, what's a flute?" "They're long and girly looking!" "Like there's this emptiness, this void, you know." "But now, shit man, I feel great." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "You sure about this Fred?" "Sure about what?" "You and April?" "Of course I'm sure." "I'm more certain about this than anything else in my entire life." "Well that's... that's good." "That's real good." "Look, I know we're celebrating and uh, I, I hate to be a party pooper but I really got to run." "You got to run?" " Yeah." " Where to?" " Work." "Uh, they got me working overtime." " On a Sunday?" "Hey uh, look, I got a run, but uh, it was real good to hear about you and April." "That's, that's real good." "Sunday's the Lord's day." "You don't work on the Lord's day." "Well, you do if you want a raise." "Well, alright, but, you're coming back right?" "I mean, we got some celebrating to do." "Yeah, sure thing." " Come here man." " I got to go." "Come here." " Congratulations." " I love you, man." "Listen, I just want you to know before you leave, I want you to be my best man, if you're willing." "Of course." "Awesome." "Of course I'm willing, I'll see you later." "Right on brother." "On the flip side." "Hey, who am I?" "Where's Bill going?" "He had to run." "Where?" "Work." "On a Sunday?" "Got him working overtime or something." "That ain't right." "Sunday's the Lord's day." "That's what I said." "God damn corporate America, fucking up everybody's lives." "Damn right." " You want to toast, or should I?" " I got it." "I'd like to propose a toast." " Here here." "To me and April." "May we procreate, proliferate, and God willing, copulate to the end of our natural lives." "Cheers." " So are you really going to stay in town?" " It just hit me, you know." " So are you really going to stay in town?" " It just hit me, you know." "A light bulb went off and I experienced ...a moment of clarity." "What happened?" "I thought, what am I so afraid of?" "I mean I trust her, which I do." "And I love her, which I do." "And she's attractive, which she is." "And she's available, which she is." "And I ain't got nothing else going on, which I don't." "So, why the hell not, right?" "I mean, what am I so afraid of?" "Getting hurt?" "Hurting myself?" "Well damn it, I'm tired of thinking about myself." "That's the problem with all this shit in the world Duck." "People thinking about themselves." "Every last bad thing in this world is some prick like me being a prick like me and thinking about himself..." "Well I'm tired of it." "It's time for me to start looking out, and then looking in." "Inside April." "I will never be complete until I have her by my side as my wife." "So I went downtown this morning and I bought her this ring." " That's what's in the box?" " That's what's in the box." " Well didn't it come with a box?" " No." "It's precious." "It's just a temporary gesture until I find enough money to get her something better." " Hey Fred?" "Can I ask you something?" " Sure, what's on your mind?" "Well, you know that you're like my best friend in the whole world, right?" "Right." "And in return, I'd like to think I'm one of your best friends in the whole world." "Yeah, that's right Duck." "And because I've known you so long I have to say this." "What's that, Duck?" "Well I'm sure you don't think I'm in any position to be giving advice." " You're giving me advice?" " Well no, not advice exactly." "I..." "I just want to be certain that you are certain about your current predicament." " What predicament?" " With you and April." " Me and April?" " Yeah." "It ain't a predicament at all, Duck." "It's an ideal situation." "It's practically salvation for me." "I know." "It's just that, uh..." "well..." "I don't know." "What is it, Duck?" "Fred, are you positive you like April?" "Of course I like her." "You think I'd be marrying her if I didn't like her?" " Ok." " Of course I like her." "I'm in love with her, Duck." "What are you getting at?" "Look at it this way, Fred." "Did you like your mom?" " Yes." " Do you think she liked you?" "What?" "What kind of question is that?" "Why would you bring up my mother at a time like this?" "We're supposed to be celebrating my eternal ties to another human being, and you bring up my mother, who is dead?" "Well, I didn't want to bring up your dad." " Why bring up either?" " Sorry." "For god's sake, Duck, of all things to talk about, my fucking dad." "Sorry, Fred." "Hey, my brother look pissed when he was here earlier?" "Yeah." "Well, no." "He looked like he always looks." " Hmm." " 'Cept he was wearing a tie." "Look, all I'm saying is." "Uh... you know, I love my mom and dad." "And they love me." "But I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with them, you know?" "I mean, that's why you move out." "Look, Duck." "Your little theory breaks down because I loved my mom and I liked her." "And I didn't move out." "I'm still right here." " Well, What about your Dad?" " I'm just trying to illustrate." "Illustrate what?" "Umm, well, take me for example." "Alright, you know, I mean, I'm married, you know." "And, I love Darcy more than anything in the world." "With the possible exception of my two little babies." "You know, but... between the three of them I don't like a single one." "I mean, especially the kids." "We don't got nothing in common." " They're toddlers, Duck." " That ain't the point." "They eat, sleep, shit, piss, burp, break things, upchuck and cry." "You know, and that includes my wife." "I mean, the woman hasn't given herself to me since..." "last January." "And that ain't an exaggeration." "You know, I mean, I've been reduced to a... sexually frustrated man who eats, sleeps, pisses and, god-willing, goes number 2... if the woman was nice enough to steam some vegetables for me." "It sounds like you and the kids have enough in common to me." "I think they think my name is Asshole." "Well, I'm sorry, Duck." "I didn't realize things had gotten so bad for you and your family." " Well, don't feel sorry for me, Fred." " Have you considered a separation?" "I've considered suicide." "It doesn't mean I'm gonna take action." "Why do we do the things we do?" "Why don't we do the things we want to do?" " I don't think we have a choice." " I don't know." "I don't know how things got this way." "When I'm lying in bed, I close my eyes and I picture Darcy." "You know, the girl we graduated high school with, you remember." "I mean, she was nice." "That big booty." "Those big brown eyes." "When I open my eyes, I see this other woman, a stranger." "And I know she's looking right back at me and thinking the same thing." "And I know she's looking right back at me and thinking the same thing." "Hey Duck, what's your point?" "I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did." "Which is what, Duck?" " You can't marry April." " Why the hell not, Duck?" "Well, there's something you should know about April." " What the hell's that, Duck?" " You promise you won't hurt me?" " Just tell me." " Promise you won't get mad?" " What do you want to say?" " I ain't saying anything 'til you promise." "You've already said quite a bit." "So now you better finish it off." " Pinky swear." " No, god dammit." "Now you're really... starting to make me angry." "So you better tell me before I do something crazy." "See!" "I haven't even told you yet and you're already threatening violence." "Just pinky swear you won't plunder me to death after I tell you." " Fine." " Say it. "I pinky swear."" " "I pinky swear." Satisfied?" " Mm hmm." " Thank you." " No, thank you." "Now talk." "Now mind you." "I don't want to tell you this." "I don't." "Just get on with it." "Dammit, I'm trying to give you a disclaimer." "Now keep your panties on." "I don't have any panties." "Now get on with it!" "Well, Fred, uh..." "Do you consider April to be a faithful woman?" " What are you trying to say, Duck?" " Well, it's a question." "What do you say?" "Faithful enough to stay true to me upon the vows of marriage." "What does that mean?" "It means I know she's been with other men, Duck." "I've been with other women." "But then we get married and then we are together." "And then we are faithful." " Ok." "Well, that's good." " Is that it?" "You should know that nothing upsets me more than seeing your happiness... umm... smited... by unfortunate circumstances." "They are what they are." "And we do what we do." "And we must do what must be done." "What is right, Fred?" "Hey, Duck." "I'd appreciate it if you'd speak English when you're talking to me." " The truth is right." " English, Duck." "All I'm saying is that someone has done a certain forbidden something with a... certain treasured someone regardless of a certain bond of trust with a certain... roommate that that certain someone swears to remain true to." " Roommate?" " Roommate." " And what did this roommate do?" " Well, let's just say he and a certain... someone have become quite known to each other, um... biblically." "Biblically?" "Like, yeah, it's like a nice way of saying ...umm, sexually." "Yeah, I know what it means, Duck." "Who are we talking about again?" " You." " Me?" "Yes, you." "Your roommate." " My roommate and who?" " April." " That's ridiculous." " Look, I'm dead serious, amigo." "Bill and April have been doing the horizontal tango behind your back." " No they haven't." " I'm telling you, they're having an affair." " That's absurd!" " It's the truth." "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say in my entire life." "It was hard for me to believe, too." "Look, Duck." "I know Bill like I know myself." " Gnothi Sauton." " What?" "Oh, it's Latin or something." "Look, Duck." "What makes you think that Bill and April are doing it behind my back?" " I don't think it." "I know it." " Who told you that?" " Nobody." "I saw it with my own two eyes." " What did you see?" "What'd you see, Duck?" "[knock, knock]" "Bill?" "Bill, what's wrong?" "Bill?" "Bill, what in the hell's wrong with you?" "Don't you know?" "We're celebrating." "Oh my god." "Did you tell him?" "What's wrong then?" "I can't take this April." "I can't." "What are you celebrating'?" " Maybe you should ask Fred." " I can't." "I can't see him." "I don't know what I was thinking." " I think he wants to see you." " He does?" " That's what you saw?" " That's what I saw." " Hey Fred, where're you going?" " Get my shot gun." " Why?" " I'm gonna kill him." " What?" " I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!" "Now Fred, let's not do anything rash now." "Rash?" "Hey Fred, what are you doin' now?" " Fred?" " Rash?" "Now Fred, let's just take a deep breath." "And take it all in there and uh..." "Yeah, pacing is good too, and get it all out there." "Let's just try to remain uh, calm and um, collected." "How long have you known about this?" "For awhile." "How long is awhile?" "I don't know, like, um, 6 months." "You've known about this for 6 months and you've waited until just now to tell me about it?" "You're upset." "No, Duck, I'm fine." "I'm swell." "This is wonderful news." "Didn't you think this is something I might want to know?" "Something maybe worth mentioning?" " Well of course..." " Well then why the hell did you wait until just now to tell me about it?" "!" "Fred I have to say I don't feel comfortable talking to you with that shotgun pointed in my face." "It, it ain't exactly safe." "Besides I didn't do anything to you and your future wife except tell you the truth." "I mean, if you want to discuss this rationally" " Rationally?" "Yes." "Rationally?" "Yes." "Rationally?" "Or not." "I suppose irrationally is fine too." "Whatever you want." "[Kicks trunk]" "Uhh..." "Fred... uhh, you're not gonna kill me, are you Fred?" "No, Duck." "Good." "Are you gonna kill Bill?" "I don't know, Duck." "I don't know what I'm gonna do." "You know, this sort of thing happens every time." "You get in the swing of things and things are looking up and your soon-to-be best man in your hypothetical wedding your best friend comes along and stabs you in the jugular." "Well, that's kind of a dramatic way of putting it, ain't it?" "Life can be so predictable." "Happiness." "Perfection." "Fucking lies." "There is no trust." "There is no loyalty." "There is only this." "You know, you go off into the wilderness and have a spiritual awakening." "And you come back to real life to tell your friends about it, just to find out it was your imagination." "A fucking mirage." "I really outta kill him, you know that?" "You mean that Fred?" "Why the hell not?" "What's to lose, our friendship?" "Hey Fred, let's not get ahead of ourselves now." "Maybe before we take any serious action we should discuss this." "What's to discuss?" "It's like you said Duck." "We do what must be done." "What is right." "And what is right, Duck?" "The truth?" "The truth." "The truth is right." "And the truth is that my best friend's been been... you know what!" "Well, sort of." "Sort of?" "What do you mean sort of?" "What I mean to say is, uh, I think it was Bill." "You think it was Bill?" "It was dark." "You said you knew." "I did know." "I do know." "You know, or you think?" "Both." "Both?" "What is both?" "I know someone was doing it." "I think it was Bill." " What about her?" "Was she or wasn't she?" " What?" "Was she or wasn't she?" " Doing it?" " With Bill!" "I don't know." "You don't if she was doing it or you don't know if she was doing it with Bill." "Both." "No!" "Only the last one!" " So she was doing it?" " What?" "Just tell me goddammit!" "Was she or was she not fornicating' with someone?" "!" "Yes she was definitely doing it!" " Where?" " In the minivan like I said." "Hey!" "(Off Screen)" "Hey!" "(Off Screen)" "I brought the champagne." "Well, speak of the devil." "Should I come back later?" "No, Bill, please stay a while." "In fact, I insist." "Have a seat." "Grab a beer." "After all it is your home." "Your happy home." "Our happy home." "Take a load off." "Rest your weary heart." "You been hunting pheasant, Fred?" "Nope." "What's with the shot gun then?" "Peace of mind, Bill." "Peace of mind." "I brought some champagne for the celebration." "How very thoughtful of you, Bill." "I accidentally drank some on the way back from the corner store." "Actually, I drank it all so I had to go back and get another bottle." "'Course I drank most of that." "But uh, there's a couple of glasses left." "You want some?" "I thought you were doing to work." "Nope..." "I lied." "Hey Bill, you might want to get out of here while you have the chance." "Duck, I don't recall giving you permission to speak." "No, me neither." "I'm just giving a man a friendly bit of advice." "Bill, skidaddle." "Duck, from now on you are only permitted to speak when I request you to do so." "You understand?" "Well now, that's not very democratic now is it?" "I don't care what it is!" "So unless you want me to do something rash, I suggest you shut your mouth." "Ok, Fred." "You're the dictator, I'm the peon." "Bill, you're on your own." "What the hell is going on here?" " Tyranny." " Shut up Duck." " Sorry." "Fred, what the hell's wrong with you?" "Why are you stumbling' around the porch with a shotgun?" " That bother you?" " Well that depends." "On What?" "Is it loaded?" "Why?" "Would that bother you?" "Well it is a shotgun." " And?" " You're pointing it directly at me." " Yes." "Seems pretty self explanatory to me." "Why would you have reason to think that I would hurt you?" "What would make you think that I would ever do anything to inflict harm on you?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "Nothing would make you think that?" " No." "Do you know, Bill, that I would never do anything like that to you." "Never." "I would never and have never done anything for the specific purpose of harming you" "What about that time you pushed him out of the tree house with that army-issued parachute on his back" " Duck!" " What?" " Shut up!" " Sorry." "Do you know why I would never hurt you Bill?" "Because you're my friend." "Because you're my friend?" "Yes." "Because I am your friend." "Yes." "Are you my friend, Bill?" "Of course!" "20-somethin' years." " Thick and thin?" " To hell and back!" "And back again, apparently." "Does this have something to do with the seven-headed beast?" "No." " Grendel?" " No." " What then?" "Did you fuck my wife?" "Fred, you're not even married." "That's a technicality, Bill." "Did you fuck my fiancée?" "Who told you that?" "Just look me in the eyes, and tell me." "Truthfully." "And I mean truthfully." "Did you sleep with my fiancée?" "Fred." "I don't know what the hell is going on here, but I in no way, shape or form did the..."you know what" with April." "Are you telling me the truth?" "Yes." "You didn't do the "you know what"?" "If I had done the "you know what" I think I'd know about it." " So you didn't do the "you know what" behind the Winn-Dixie in the mini-van?" " Mini-van?" "Just answer the question!" "Did you do the "you know what" behind the Winn-Dixie in the mini-van with the removable seats taken out?" "If I had done the "you know what" with April, I wouldn't have done it in a mini-van!" " Where would you do it?" " Where would you do it?" "If I did the "you know what" I wouldn't do it in the parking lot of the Winn-Dixie!" "It wasn't in the parking lot." "It was out back, behind Winn-Dixie." "This is your doing." "You did this!" "What the hell did you say, Duck?" " What?" " What did you say?" "He said he saw you with his own two eyes, doin' the "you know what"" " Oh God!" " with my soon to be wife, in the back of the mini-van with the removable seats taken out." "In the back of Winn-Dixie?" "Yes!" "Why would you make up a lie like that Duck?" "I thought that's what I saw." "Well you didn't see that, so what the hell did you see?" " I saw someone doin' the..." " Someone?" "He saw someone!" " the you know what around the side of" "I thought you said it was around back!" "It was." "It was!" " Why would you say that, Duck?" " Why would you say that, Duck!" "?" "!" "Why would you do that?" "You better talk dammit." "Oh fine, just like that, you're gonna believe him?" "Yes, Duck." "You're gonna believe him, just like that?" "You're gonna believe him after he was making moves on your girl this morning?" "It's that easy?" "What?" "That's right Fred." "That I know I saw." "Just this mornin' he was kissin' on April in this very doorway." "That I know I saw." "That I know." "And it wasn't even dark, and I hadn't even started drinkin' for the day." "That much I know I saw." "Look, I'm sorry Bill." " You saw that?" " You saw that?" "Goddamit, that's the truth!" "Is that true, Bill?" "And the mini-van too?" "What's the story man?" "Fred, why don't you put the gun down, and I'll tell you something." " How about I keep it?" "It would be easier for me to tell you if you put the gun down." "Did you fuck my fiancée?" "No." "What the hell do you have to say then?" "Fred, I'm gay." " Oh, that's convenient." " Shut up, Duck." "You're gay?" "Yes." "Bullshit." "Fred, I'm gay." "Trust me I spent six of my post- pubescent years trying to figure it all out." "I knew it!" "Duck!" "Do you wanna die today?" "Holy shit, Jenny Gundy turned you gay." " Jenny Gundy did not TURN me gay." " Well who turned you gay then?" " DUCK!" " What?" "I didn't turn anyone gay." "People don't get turned gay, Duck!" "They either are or they're not." "Which means if you're gay, you've been gay for 26 odd years, is that right, Bill?" "More or less." "More or less?" "What?" "More or less." "More or less what?" "More or less gay?" "More or less gay?" " More gay or less gay?" " Just gay, Duck!" "I don't like girls." "I prefer boys." "Bill I think you better leave the porch." "Why?" "Because I think I might shoot you." "Fred, I'm still the same." "Nothing's changed." "Nothing's changed?" "You're still my best friend in the world" "Get off the porch, Bill." "Get off the porch!" "No." "Get off the fucking porch, Bill!" "You want to shoot me, Fred?" "You better start walking." "But I love you." "Now you'd better go, goddammit." " Turn around and walk you fucking faggot!" " You're gonna have to shoot me, Fred!" "You take that back." "I'm sorry." "You don't love me." "I think he means in a plutonic way like a brother." "Is that what you mean, Bill?" "Is it?" "I love you, Fred." " I love you." " Quit it." " What do you want me to say, I love you." " Quit it." "Quit it!" "Quit it!" "You are not gay, you son of a bitch!" "You are not gay, you son of a bitch!" "Take it back!" "Don't fucking lie to me." "You are not gay!" "You're my best friend." "You are not allowed to be gay!" "[Honk, Honk]" "Get off of him!" "What the hell are you doing?" "Huh?" "!" "?" "So, I guess you told him." "I'm sorry, Bill." "What'd you have to do with this?" "Well I told Fred, I saw you and him raw-doggin' in your mini-van." "What?" "!" "Don't ask." "Look, um Darcy found my magazines and so I had to get rid of them, so..." "I drove to the nearest dumpster I knew, and I saw your red mini-van it's not like I was spying' but..." " You saw my what?" "I saw your mini-van." "No, you, you saw my what?" "!" "I saw your red mini-van." "Red like this, Duck?" "No..." "like... a greener red." "He's color blind, the stupid fuck!" "Come on." " You ok?" " Yeah." "Where you goin'?" "You might wanna take that gun with you." "Here Duck." "Why don't you cover me?" "Fred?" "What." "Did you get my cake?" "No." "It's German chocolate." "It's your favorite." "So you really love him?" "Yeah." "For how long?" "I don't know, Duck." "A long time, I guess." "He said he loved me April." " He said he loved ME!" " So!" "So what, a lot of people love you Fred." "It is not so weird." "I love you." "I didn't know what it was for the longest time." "I thought everyone felt that way about their best friend." "It seemed normal." "But it's not normal Duck." "It's not." "No, I guess its not." "I couldn't tell him." "All I wanted was for him to leave so I could get on with my life." "I dealt with all of it, Duck." "All of it." "When he told us last year, he was gonna marry April, I couldn't take it." "That was the end of my world." "That was it." "But I sucked it up, and then they called it off again, and I thought maybe he won't leave me." "Maybe he won't go." "But he started packing up his boxes, and itjust... broke my heart all over again." "I JUST WANT HIM TO GO!" "Because I love him and I can't tell him." "Well, you've told him now." "Yup." "See, that wasn't so bad." "That's it." "I can't do it." "I can't control him." "I have no effect on him." "Why do you wanna control him?" "I just want him to stop hurting himself." "I want him to stop hurting other people." "That's valid, I guess." "I want him to stop hurting me." "He hurt me so bad." "Yeah well, he hurt me too." "[small laugh]" "[more laughter]" "[more laughter] Ow." "[laughter]" "[SHOTGUN BLAST]" "Fred, what the hell are you doing?" "Oh shit!" "[Fred laughs]" "[SHOTGUN BLAST]" "Fred!" "Fred put the gun down!" "[SHOTGUN BLAST]" "Put the gun down, Fred!" "Put it down now!" "Or I swear to God I'll put a bullet in your head right now." "God knows I have a reason to shoot you myself you selfish, insensitive son of a bitch!" "What the hell I ever do to you?" "You broke my heart you asshole!" "You broke my heart." "But it's not just me." "Who else?" "And don't say that fag!" "Our son." "Our son?" "Yes." "You're pregnant?" "No." "Well, what the hell you talkin' about then?" "I was pregnant." "When?" "Six months ago." " Why didn't you tell me?" " I tried!" "You wouldn't talk to me for four months!" "And by then it was too late." "There was no reason to tell you." "We had a baby?" "No, Fred." "No we didn't have a baby." "Oh goddammit, give me that." "I had a revelation last night." "You did?" "Yes, I did." "I wandered 'til I couldn't wander anymore." "And then my mind wandered and I saw some supernatural shit." "I had a moment April." "You know?" "A moment of clarity?" "You had too much to drink." "I had that too." "I bought you a ring." "I was gonna ask you to marry me again." "I was so clear on that." "I was so clear." "And now?" "Now..." "I don't know." "Now I feel like I'm in a bathtub full of spaghetti with some worms mixed in... and I don't know which is spaghetti and which is worms." "That's real poetic "Beowulf."" "Hey, you know for a fag you're a real smart ass." "You know for a best friend you're a real asshole." "You know for a best friend you're not a friend at all." "You know what, don't even say that." "Just don't say friend." "I don't think it means what you think it means." "Hey Fred?" "Your bathtub with the spaghetti?" "Who are the worms and who's the spaghetti?" "Hey don't look at me like I'm the worm." "I was just trying to help, you know?" "I mean, I was just trying to help my best friend in the world." "Best friend?" "Yeah, I mean, I just wanted to do right." "I wanted to keep you from making the same mistakes I did." "I got news for you, Duck." "Fred doesn't need your advice." "And you wanna know something else?" "He's not your best friend in the world." "He doesn't even like you." "Whatever man." "Is that true?" "Well, it ain't entirely true." "What?" "I mean I used to like you." "Used to like me?" "As in not anymore?" "Yes Duck, as in the past tense." "Look." "I mean, I used to like you... kind of like I used to like my blue-heeler puppy before I had to put it down when it got rabies, you know what I mean?" "Look!" "I already told you, I didn't mean you no harm!" "Look... it's just that..." "ever since you tied the knot with Darcy, your mood's been... well... indignantly pernicious." ""Indignantly" pernicious?" "Well those were Bill's words but they encapsulate how I feel." "Oh they do, do they?" "It's a beat down, Duck." "You know, your ship might be sinking, but you don't have to drown the rest of us with you." "We're all grasping' at straws for hope, and you're runnin' around like you're 18 or somethin' sucking' all our life away." "It's depressing', Duck." "You know, you got a wife and kids to take care of." "What are you doin' over at my house every morning at 10 a.m., drinkin' excessively?" "Gettin' ready for work." "Well, you need get ready at home." "And you need to take it easy on the booze." "You've got a family to watch out for." "You know, God only gave you one liver and he expected it to last past 35." "How long have you two been plottin' against me?" "I ain't plotting'." "I'm just tryin' to help." "You know, I guess I would've expected this from him but not from you, Fred." "Duck, listen..." "You know I thought it'd be a cold day in hell when Fred Hicks ever turned his back on a friend." " I ain't turning' my back on you." " Yeah, well what the hell do you call it, then?" "Call it what you want." "It is what it is." "I hope you go to hell you Brutus." "You know April doesn't deserve a back-stabbing son of a bitch like yourself." "She's too good for the likes of you." "You'd ruin her!" "Look, Duck..." "Oh!" "See how the tables have turned?" "Ain't much fun hunting' when the rabbit's got a firearm, is it Fred?" " That doesn't make any sense." " Y'know, two can play at this back-stabbing game!" "Alright?" "April wouldn't marry you if you asked her." "It's obvious you're as alcoholic as I am." "And you... you've got a penchant for pulling loaded weapons on your immediate neighbors." "You know April may have done some fucked up shit like murdering your son and puttin' moves on your roommate" " Duck - but I think she's smart enough to know that you are in no shape to father children," " Duck!" " or to devote yourself to another human being!" " Duck!" " or to devote yourself to another human being!" "I ain't gonna marry April!" "That's one thing you're right about!" "It ain't meant to be." "I ain't good enough to get my own shit together." "And I sure as shit ain't ready to subject anyone else to my... violent tendencies and destructive personality." "Especially not the woman I love more than anything else in the world." "What are you sayin' Fred?" "I'm gonna leave." "I got my ticket, and I'm gonna use it." "Here." "It ain't worth anything anyway." "I just wanted to do it right, April." "I just wanted to prove my mama wrong." "She was so damned afraid I'd grow up like my dad did and run from everything." "So I thought if I could just face it..." "if I could just face you..." "If I could force myself to face you, I could prove her wrong." "Why?" "Because she was." "Because she was!" "She goddamn died thinking she was right!" "She died thinking I didn't give two shits, but I did!" "Hey Fred?" "I'm sorry, man." "I really am." "I'm just as screwed up as you are." "I think I just pretty much hate myself." "I mean, this was supposed to be your day, you know?" "Your liberation." "I don't know why I had to fuck it up." "I'm really sorry." "I love you man." "Look I don't know, you know?" "I just..." "I had a lot of shit going on in my head, you know." "I hated you for leaving... and I hated you for staying." "And I hated you for being honest, y'know." "I don't know Fred." "I just hate you sometimes, you know?" "Hey Fred..." "Fred, do you hate me too?" "Why did he have to do it, Duck?" "Why'd he have to do it?" "It ain't my fault." "I didn't leave my family and go to damn jail." "And what does that make me?" "What is that?" "I'm not a criminal, Duck." "I'm not a criminal." "(Crying) What are we doing?" "Well, I guess it's kind of like therapy." "Only with guns and booze." "Why are you cryin'?" "Because she had to abort the child of the only man she ever loved, Duck." "No I didn't." " What?" " What?" "I'm crying because this is all I ever wanted from you!" "This is all I ever wanted!" "Wait a second." "You didn't have an abortion?" "No." "So you're still pregnant?" "No." "I never was pregnant." "I lied." "That's fucked up." "That's fucked up." "I hate you." "I hate you so much!" "You were everything to me!" "You were my life!" "But you ran away." "And then I didn't know who I was anymore!" "I haven't been anyone for 6 months Fred!" "I thought that I was you!" "I thought that that's who I was." "I was the girl that was with you and that was something!" "And now I'm not anybody!" "I don't get it." "No, Duck, you don't get it, do you?" "You and every other man." "So you hate men because you think they make you who you are and now that you don't have a man, you think you're nobody." "Yeah, I guess so." "But you don't really hate men." "You're pretty much the same as myself." "I mean, I hate Fred, but it's only 'cuz I love him." "Really I just hate myself." "Shut up, Duck." "No." "I'm tired of people tellin' me to shut up." "I'm not gonna shut up anymore." "Fine." "Keep talking." "I don't have anything to say." "Where you going?" "Get my suitcase." "I don't know what to do, Bill." "None of us do." "No, but I really don't know what to do." "I'm not good at anything." " The only thing I was ever good at was having a boyfriend." " That's not true at all, April." "and I wasn't even good at that!" "You're good at a lot of things." "What am I good at?" "Well. you didn't kick the shit out of me when I told you I was gay." " When did you find out?" " Today." " Well, thats when I found out!" " She found out before you, Duck." "Well, I always thought you acted like a girl." "Why'd she find out first?" "Well, first of all she asked me to "raw dog" her in the red mini-van." "And when I wouldn't do it, she just kind of guessed it." "Oh." "What about all those stories you used to write?" "What?" "You know, in high school you used to write all those short stories." "Why didn't you keep writin'?" "I did." "You did?" "What'd you write?" " A novel." " About what?" "An abortion." "It was a botched abortion and the woman couldn't have kids anymore." "Then there were these aliens..." " Was it any good?" " It was terrible." " I burned it." " Why?" "Here." "I don't need 'em anymore." "Look I bought those 'cause I thought I was meant for better things... and I might be meant for better things, but now ain't the time." "I got a lot of shit to figure out before I go anywhere." "What's that have to do with me?" "You're the smartest person I ever met, Bill." "You oughtta get the hell out of this town." "You should've done it seven years ago." "If I give you this will you take it?" "That's your ticket." "Bill?" "I guess you don't want me living with you anymore, do you?" "Nope." "So, what am I supposed to do?" "Just pack up and go?" "This ticket's as good a reason as any, You gotta go sometime." "Take it." "What you want me to go too?" "He's right, dammit." "Fine." "I'll take it." "What are you gonna do?" "Call the movers." "Tell 'em to go to hell." "Unpack my boxes, I guess." "You're staying?" "Yeah." "This calls for a celebration!" "Bill, you alright?" "Yeah, I'm alright.," "Fred, you ok?" "I'm real good, Duck." "I'm much better." "April?" "I'm ok, Duck." "God, that sounds good." "Thank you." "Subtitles by LeapinLar"