"The good home knows no privileged or rejected, no favourites and no stepchildren." "[Swedish minister Per Albin Hansson]" "It does not look down upon another, and does not try to gain advantage at others expense." "The strong do not beat and plunder the weak." "Hurra, hurra, hurra, hurra!" "In Sweden, the birds sing clearly." "Wasn't that a good story?" "A round of cheers for our motherland." "[finska] Adieu, emotionally stunted karaoke singers." "Oho!" "[svenska]" "It's called 'excuse me'." "[finska] Swedish prick." "[finska]" "Thank you." "[finska] Do you know why Stalin took Karelia?" "He did not want more." "[finska] I will be Swedish!" "[finska] Go away." "Go away!" "[finska] Go drown your problems somewhere else!" "[svenska] What are you saying?" "You, you are Swedish?" "Are you going to jump?" "Yes, the decision is completely thought out." "You've no need to save me." "Mikko Virtanen, forced-Finn." "Mikael Andersson, psychologist." "Ah, fine." "The Swedish welfare safety net reaches everywhere." "Can I jump with you?" "What?" "I've been meaning to do it, but the voice in my head stops me." "But you, can help me." "No, no, I can't kill a Swede." "If you are dead, it doesn't matter." "Let's jump, Pekka." "Mikko." "Now let's jump!" "You do want to be dead?" "No, I just want to be Swedish." "It's the same thing." "Jump!" "No!" "Do you not have a family or anything?" "Yes, a demented mother in Stockholm." "Tukholma." "I've lived in Göteborg for a while." "Jöötebori." "Mother wouldn't see the difference between me and the Bocksten Man." "I would give anything to have had your life." "That's how it is." "The very first time I came to Sweden, I knew it was where I belong." "I ate hallonbåtar." "I ate them until I threw up." "They tasted far better than any Finnish candy." "Everything was better." "The grass was greener and the sun much clearer." "The air buzzed with Social Democratic welfare and joy." "I knew nothing then of the folk-homeland." "and everything else that made Sweden the world's greatest country." "I saw long-haired children - with names like Per and Åsa and Johan and Lotta." "You could play with them, even if your name was Mikko." "In Sweden, all are included." "I can not live as a Swede, but I can at least die a Swede." "They'll find my body without identification - but I think with my shirt and book on Swedish Social Democratic history " "They will decide to bury me in Sweden." "Sven Svensson (John Smith) it will read on my gravestone." "A nice little church and perhaps some red houses with white trim." "The little children are running, so happy and Swedish." "I thought you were dead?" "Yes, that's right." "But it would still be better than being stuck in all this Finnishness." "[finska] Two - nill!" "I grew up as far from Swedish as you can get." "Nothing against my parents..." "...but they were not Swedish." "[finska] Come on, Finland!" "Finland aren't playing." "It's Sweden vs USSR." "And Sweden is the devil." "Is it not the Soviets' fault grandfather can't walk anymore?" "The Russians were strong and wanted a fight." "The Swedes sat at home drinking tea and reading poems." "They are always just fucking lucky." "In Sweden, nothing interesting happens." "Why did we become independent?" "If grandfather could hear you now..." "Wha?" "[finska] Sweden has Volvo." "Finland, nothing." "Sweden won Eurovision twice." "Finland never." "And we will never win, if we do not..." "NEJ!" "...reunite as one country!" "Sweden has Abba and Gyllene Tider." "Finland has Danny and Kake Randelin." "[svenska] Therefore we shall speak Swedish." "[finska]" "That's enough, Mikko." "Thanks." "Jaana, you wanted to talk about raising domestic pig." "[svenska] I started an awareness campaign." "If someone wanted to know about Sweden and the Swedish language - they could come to me." "Mikko, hi." "I can speak Swedish with you." "[finska] Can I say that in Finnish?" "Just say it." "I'll beat you limp, Swedish homo." "The school called." "Those are mine!" "Mikko, you are Finnish!" "[svenska] I knew where my home was." "In Sweden." "Y'know what?" "Take my life." "I don't need it any longer." "There you go." "There's my life." "[Mikael] A big strong sixth of whiskey, please." "But you can tell that's not me." "There cannot be two Mikael Anderssons." "Don't say I should kill you." "I don't want to do that." "Get a correction on it." "It's what the Swedes do best." "Life Termination Consultent." "Is that a word?" "Now it is." "I will take care of your mother." "You don't need to do that." "A strong society cannot replace the care of a loved one." "My God!" "The Democrats have succeeded with you." "Yes, thank you!" "Look at the little red dot." "The red dot." "Is that herpes or acne?" "I mean on the screen!" "How would I know?" "Do your job!" "I demand to be photographed by a competent herpes-free person." "Now!" "Is there any problem?" "No problem." "Good." "Here we go." "Sweden!" "I must be confident in my professional capacity." "Rub your chin and ask how they feel." "How does it feel?" " Good." "Then you give a diagnosis." "Swedes love diagnoses." "Okay." "Sorry, I didn't see you." "Sorry, I didn't see *you*." "Are you good?" "Yeah, and, uh, all good with you?" "How does this make you feel?" "I'm fine." "You don't need a crisis group or a diagnosis?" "We are actually two psycologists." "Come now!" "Hug?" "You should stop talking shit about Finland." "That's easy for you to say." "Swedes don't hate Finland." "We just don't care." "If someone talks about Finland you say - that it seems like an exciting and exotic country." "Finland, that's somewhere you should go." ""Finland: somewhere you should visit."" "Which of course you don't believe." "Ha, well why in the hell!" "Now you are born again." "Start over." ""Finland: somewhere you should visit."" "I think it will be easier now." "Before I did not know what sort of Swede I wanted to be." "Should I be a Norrlander, or from Scania, or perhaps Örebro?" "That's settled." "You want me to drive home?" "That's probably easiest." "...reflected in my clothing and in my style - and how I react to music..." "Maybe we should start with my childhood?" "Is that okay that I say 'my'?" "Absolutely." "You've got it." "I've lived in my mother's apartment for a few weeks." "There's a box of pictures and shit." "And my bag." "No one is there, so you can live there." "Nice!" "Here is my mobile." "So, shall we do this?" "Wait a minute." "We said we wouldn't." "Time for termination." "Take my life." "No, I cannot kill a Swede." "Not kill." "You are my Life Termination Consultant." "We do things together in Sweden." "Press and you are Swedish." "You get everything." "You be Mikael Andersson, Swedish psychologist with perfect Swedish." "Listen now." "We must talk about why you feel this way." "About how you need a crisis group." "Just shut the fuck up!" "Think of your mamma." "She's your mamma now." "No, you must see her." "You must meet her!" "Take my life dammit!" "[finska] Shit, fuck..." "Where are you going?" "Du need hospital and a crisis group." "Is that the alternative?" "No thanks." "Mikael... this is stupid now." "Whoa woah!" "Mikael!" "Mikael!" "Mikael!" "Mikael..." "Mikael..!" "I am Mikael Andersson." "A Swedish psychologist." "From Sweden." "[finska] Thank you." "My childhood home." ""48 folkly, exciting pages!"" "[music by Gyllene Tider]" "Do not worry." "Everything will be fine." "[finska] Mikko, let's go." "It's just the two of us men now." "I must chop wood." "[father crying Finnish curses]" " Perkele." "[father crying Finnish curses]" " Saatana!" "Papa, did you hurt yourself?" "Dammit." "Can man not chop some bloody wood in peace?" "Or do you want us to freeze to death in winter?" "[incoming SMS]" "Something happened, Eivor?" "Someone murdered again." "Can I help you?" "Mikael Andersson." "I'm meeting my mother Greta Andersson." "We thought you weren't coming." "If mamma is ill, of course I'm coming." "Mamma is very important to me." "That's new." "No." "Mamma Greta has always been important to me." "Ever since I was born..." ""Send SMS when she dies." it says here." "Lotta, can you show Mikael Greta's room." "This way." "I am here now." "I don't know if you can here me, mamma." "I am Swedish now." "[finska] I am here now." "I am in Sweden." "Abba..." "Björn Borg..." "Who are you?" "Hey." "He's in there." "Who?" "Your brother." "Mikael?" "You are not Mikael." "It is me." "I am Mikael." "I am going to care for you, mamma." "Maria..." "What the fuck are you doing?" "Who are you?" "I am Mikael Andersson." "This is my mamma, Greta Andersson." "I am Maria Andersson." "This is *my* mamma, Greta Andersson." "Where is Mikael?" "I have a sister?" "Fuck if I know." "Get lost before I ring the police." "Hey, little mamma." "How are you?" "How fine you look." "Yeah so, Mikael and I, we did a switch." "Are you his patient?" "No." "I was a Swedish man trapped inside a Finnish man's body." "Do you want me to call the psychiatric service?" "No, Mikael wanted this." "He saved my life." "Without him I would be dead." "Or Finnish." "You shot him?" "No, I cannot kill a Swede." "What happened then?" "I helped him out of the country - just as we had agreed." "What do you say?" "About what." "I would like some feedback on how it feels for you." "By "it" do you mean getting called from work - thinking that my mamma is dead for the 14th time." "And in her room stands a weeping (pimple/Finn)." "Forced-Finn." "Som says he's killed my brother and then not killed my brother." "And you wonder how it feels?" "Exactly." "How does it feel?" "Consider the Swedish Labour Treaty - and Sweden's long tradition of peaceful consensus..." "I see you again, I call the police." "Do we have a 'consensus'?" "You aren't Mikael." "No." "Bye then." "You are not Mikael." "You are not Mikael." "[finska] Think, think Swedish." "Mikael!" "How was it?" "Well, it was..." "Terrible that she did not recognise you." "Exactly." "Even if she is not the same mamma - she'll always be my mother." "Well said." "It is important to have family, I think." "I think so too." "Seeing the children take their first steps - and going to town with their mamma..." "Look!" "There is a public library." "Come, Olof." "We'll build a lego copy of Harpsund." "Astrid, you may also participate - for there is no difference between boy and girl." "How old are they?" "Olof and Astrid." "Ah well... they are not real." "It was more like theoretical reasoning." "Their mother then?" "With whom you walked to town?" "Also theoretical." "I think I haven't very much at all really - and probably won't get much either." "I have three pair of men's underwear. [?" "]" "He was going surfing in New Zealand even though he's 35." "Your boyfriend?" "My ex." "Well, I'll probably go now." "Yeah..." "But, I'll see you with Greta." "Maybe I cannot stay here." "You will find yourself." "I could not find myself in a better way- than by becoming a good Swedish familyman." "That will never happen." "Oy, sorry..." "I don't normally do that." "No, me neither." "[finska] Mikko, you are Finnish." "[finska] You are dead." "You know nothing." "Gröna (green) Anna does not come in red." "Sorry." "If you give me your number I can ring the factory." "Here is my card." "Thanks." "Friendly tone in the boutique, please." "Otherwise we can find another solution." "Maria, hey." "Hey..." "No, I'm not chatting about the Swedish Labour Treaty." "I was in mamma's apartment." "The two of us should..." "What are you doing with your hand?" "What's with the wank gesture?" "This?" "Yes." "I tried to do an inclusive gesture because we are family." "We are not together and never will be." "Leave me alone now." "Mikael wanted that I take the care responsibility for mamma, so I appeal to your sense of family." "That's the wrong thing to appeal to." "Bugger off!" "That's enough, Maria." "I beg your pardon." "She will no longer work here." "That was your last customer." "He's not a customer." "I am her..." "The hell not!" "Private chats are for your free time." "I do not want to see you." "I do not want to see either of you." "May I say..." "Good, Maria!" "Good!" "How does that feel?" "Mikael Andersson, psychologist." "Maria Andersson came forward to a coworker with her aggression problem." "There isn't a problem." "*That* is a problem." "She has been diagnosed and everything." "What you perceive from her as unpleasantries are actually a syndrome." "A mental disability, you could say." "She denies it of course, as always." "We are trying to solve it together, Maria and I." ""Disability"?" "I was thinking of your job." "You wanted to save yourself!" "If we just get to know each other - it can have numerous benefits for both of us." "No..." "I can take care of mamma..." "It's *my* mamma." "My mamma." "...as I promised Mikael." "We can continue to be siblings everywhere - except at your job." "That would be unethical." "As opposed to stealing one's identity(!" ")" "I" " I..." "No one will believe that you are a psychologist." "Is this your CV?" "Is there anything odd?" "Why with your credentials have you come to the job centre?" "Aha." "Well..." "We'll probably find something." "I like that you said "we"." "It is so nice." "You work at the job centre, I am looking for a job, but we are "we"." "We." "It is we who are society." "Mikael Andersson, psychologist." "Hello." "I worked previously as a psychologist in Majorna." "Göteborg." "I see this as an opportunity to get close to the Swedes." "I will help Swedes in the Swedish workplaces." "We don't work here only with ethnic Swedes." "We who work here have different ethnic backgrounds." "By Swedish I mean all people who live here - and together help to make " "Sweden the world's greatest land!" "Anyway, I look forward to getting to know you ..." "We want to get to know you better." "Me too." "Could it have to do with our childhood?" "I'm not talking about my childhood." "This is just a facade." "I understand it must be hard for me to replace a beloved brother." "Ah, do you remember nothing of our childhood?" "Some pieces are fuzzy." "Same here." "I do not remember you at all." "I was hoping you could fill in some puzzle pieces." "You can ask someone else." "Do you remember the names of my stuffed animals?" "I thinking more about my brother." "Take him away!" "Shall we change the song, mamma?" "Maybe something more... romantic?" "Then we will talk about my relationships and such." "Do you remember my first girlfriend?" "For example, if I met anyone..." "How did I behave myself then?" "Have you done that?" "A girl kissed me." "It came totally unexpected." "Maria, take him away!" "It is fine, mamma." "Maybe we should stop." "Continue." "First time I'm the more popular." "Did Mikael ever..?" "Did *I* ever..?" "No, my brother." "And my sister!" "Hey, Lotta!" "How's it going?" "Very well, you?" "It's going really well." "See you tomorrow." "Yeah, see you tomorrow!" "Did you snog mamma's physical therapist?" "No..." "We are just seeing one another!" "Is it unethical to date mamma's therapist?" "No more unethical than nicking someone's identity." "Swedish relationships are a frightening topic." "Swedish emotions..." "Finnish men's emotions..." "There are three." "Happy, angry, full." "Full is not an emotion." "You see." "Two." "I've had Finnish girlfriends - but they are different." "[svenska] Merry Christmas, my dear." "Why not try a little more Västerås gherkin?" "Västerås..." "I have not tasted." "No, uh, Västerås is where the gherkin is from." "We've talked about..." "Ann-Louise." "[finska]" "My name is Tiina." "[finska] We are in Helsinki." "You name's Mikko and mine is Tiina." "It's over!" "Now that was a Finnish Christmas." "It is not Christmas right not." "It's August!" "Fuck it's warm!" "[doorbell rings]" "I like to keep active." "I thought of all those who cannot." "and therefore I became a physical therapist." "In a way we do the same thing." "You massage people's minds to engage them." "Yeah..." "Body and soul go together." "Yeah, I have worked a lot in the recent past." "Who are you, Mikael?" "I am Mikael Andersson, a completely ordinary Swedish man." "No you're not." "Yes, I am!" "You can see my passport if you want." "You are not ordinary." "Not to me." "No, no no..." "You are same to me." "This here is pectoralis major." "It easily becomes tense." "Det här är en bra övning." "Man gör den med eller utan gummiband." "Oh, that feels good." "Yes, really good." "I have not told you a thing." "We had bought a house." "Has your boyfriend come back?" "No." "You can forget about that, but I live alone in that big house." "What will everyone think of me?" "I cannot sleep with you now." "I had really not..." "I understand why you wouldn't want to." "No no, I want to!" "I want to!" "I want to." "It's just that I take sex very seriously." "Body and soul." "Body and soul." "The foundation of the workplace is community." "The good workplace knows no privileged or rejected, no favourites and no stepchildren." "That went well, Mikael." "I stole a little drom Per Albin's 'Folk-Homeland' speech." "Don't be so Swedish!" "No, no!" "I will try." "I'll get the next round." "Tomorrow is another day." "Yes, of course." "Perhaps it would have worked in Finland." "Those degenerates always get drunk after work." "I have nothing, of course, against Finland." "Fine land..." "You should visit there!" "All countries are equally good." "One brewsky." "Iran is a great country." "Including the Islamic authoritarian regime?" "Quite so!" "Hey sis!" "Hey." "Everyone, this is my sister, Maria Andersson." "Hi." "So it's you who are Mikael?" "Yes." "Maria's brother?" "Yes, that's me." "We have not met before." "A pleasure." "No, Rille." "Rille!" "He ruined your childhood." "That's not him." "No, it was me." "It was me." "Let's take it easy." "This here fucker slapped and beat her." "No I will beat you." "We have spoke about this." "He has said sorry now." "He is not the same person." "Yes, yes I am!" "Well... a little." "He's a completely different person." "Then I'ma go take a leak." "Are you okay?" "Do you need to talk?" "Tomorrow is another day." "I told you once, what I wanted to do to my brother." "Rille... has strong team spirit." "We are siblings." "I am confident that we loved one another." "You know nothing." "We squeezed out of the same stream." "You punched me to show how useless I was." "We have not seen each other since I moved." "Mikael Andersson is a swine." "They do exist in Sweden." "I like you very much." "I do not like Mikael Andersson." "That is sibling humour." "Hit back." "No." "You've always done it." "Seldom." "Mikael always did so." "Hit me now." "Ay!" "Sorry!" "Rille!" "He hit..." "I hope I can become a really good Swedish familyman- when the day comes." "Are you already talking about kids?" "No!" "We need to childproof the house first." "Did I not say anything about the house?" "Okay, I did not say." "["Solen lyser även på liten stuga" on the radio] (The sun shines on a traditional red cottage)" "Nice of you to come." "What is the body's largest muscle?" "The heart?" "The back." "That's what you work with." "It is movable in all directions." "What do you lift?" "Er well, a variety." "I max 160kg" "That was not moving in any direction." "Where does it hurt?" "All over." "Lie on your side." "Breathe." "How is it going?" "It's a fine house." "I mean me." "Am I credible as Swedish man?" "With a Swedish cardigan, Swedish house and Swedish girlfriend." "Tell at me if I'm doing something weird." ""at"." "Make a sign!" "It makes no difference." "Shit, neighbours are coming." "Are neighbours nice in Finland?" "No... [finska] Hiya!" "Who was that?" "The one who listens to Abba and cries." "The homo?" "Yes." "[svenska] Hi Harald." "We are Mikael and Lotta." "Who is that?" "Next-door neighbour." "He wanted to help." "He lives alone." "How's it going?" "Pippi also lived alone." "What d'you mean?" "Pippi Longstocking lived alone in a big house." "With independent thinking and physical strength - she managed very well." "Strength symbolises the little man - in the welfare society." "She shares gold in her travel bag which is a fictional tribute to Myrdal's tax policies." "[finska] I reckon he's not got all the Moomins in the valley." "What?" "I don't understand Finnish." "Or, whatever that language was." "It was a Finnish proverb about the importance of helping. (!" ")" "You can maybe show them around." "Start with the basement." "According to the ad, it was a relaxation area." "That was not true." "This is totally fantastic here." "What does that say?" "What does that say?" ""Jos sauna, viina tai terva ei auta - niin tauti on kuolemaksi."" ""Rice, sauna and vodka fix anything."" "Cool!" "Exciting country Finland..." "It seems exotic." "If one does not come from there." "Which I do not." "We are going up again." "The hell are you doing?" "That was fun." "No!" "It was never fun with old Mikael." "Any sign of life from him?" "Sign of life?" "Has he been in touch?" "No." "Michael!" "Yes?" "No ..." "Lotta Eriksson?" "Yes." "Are you Mikael Andersson?" "Yes." "What is it?" "Jacob." "Do you know what this is?" "It is a bottle with alcohol." "There is an empty one here." "Jacob and Erika." "We live there." "Yes, okay." "We brought meat for you." "It is good to live next door to the police." "It feels secure." "I don't know if I can handle it." "There are so many codes - and Lotta is noticing also." "Tell her the truth." "I've accepted you." "It's different with a romantic relationship." "Do you think she would feel defiled if she were with a (Finn/pimple)?" "She would not." "A nationality transvestite." "Not that either." "Stop it." "Stop it!" "You have not taken three million in loans for a house ..." "She bought the house." "You are moving in together." "You will marry." "You have not had sex." "Is that so bloody weird?" "Yes, in most countries." "How did it go with you and Rille?" "The first evening, he said that he hadn't gotten laid in six months." "A little pleading." "Then he got laid." "He got laid." "Can I get another?" "Yes of course!" "Delicious." "Lovely." "Was that the last?" "Yes." "They say Germans are good at planning." "But I think the Swedes..." "One more thing." "I've put up the flag." "We'll tell each other everything." "Yes, we will." "I'll arrange something." "Go ahead and undress yourself." "Then came the worst." "The same day he left me." "I was abandoned." "The doorbell rang." "I thought he wanted to ask for forgiveness - and to be with me again." "It was the wedding invitations." "I did not need them." "I refused to pay." "He said I must pay." "Oh no..." "Usch!" "Not being able to rely on the one you love." "Yes ... that's ..." "What's the worst you've been through?" "That was ..." "The worst ..." "I was a little depressed when I didn't get to be on the under-12 football team." "But the Swedish sports community took very good care of me." "I learned fine ideals and..." "I'm starting to feel hot." "Now lets do sex..." "AY!" "Michael!" "What did you do?" "[finska] Mikko, you are Finnish." "What are you doing?" "Just the wound... [finska] Welcome to Skansen." "[finska] Leave the bus and collect in group." "You look like shit." "Lotta sees through me." "Yesterday she took me to the sauna to see how I would react." "I reacted quite badly." "Did I say you look like shit?" "Yes." "Did I say hello?" "No..." "Let's go in." "So many bloody Finns here." "Hi." "Hi." "Of course I have nothing against Finns." "My client here suffers from Fennophobia." "We are running a little KPT-treatment." "Is that not your sister?" "Yes, you have met." "Rille and his bandy stick... fun." "She's obviously not my client." "These were examples of typical Swedish sibling humour." "Sibling humour we have in Iran as well." "Of course." "I did not mean it's better or anything." "Do you have Skansen in Iran also, perhaps in Tehran?" "I do not think we have Skansen in Iran." "You can do Allsång anywhere." "[guide speaking Finnish]" "Swedish intercourse is the finest there is." "Two perfect people become one." "It's either that you are romanticising, or I've had sex only with foreigners." "Which I have not." "Du och Rille?" "We are not talking about that." "I have no weird sexual neurosis." "Has something happened between you and Rille?" "No, that's not it." "Living with him is like sitting in a soft sofa with a bad film." "Quiet and comfortable." "You know what you get." "Just what I needed ten years ago." "And now?" "It's been ten years." "I think it's nice to talk to you like this." "Me too ...bro." "Sis." "We don't snog siblings like that in Iran." "She had a candy cane stuck in her throat." "You tried to get it out with your tongue?" "Exactly." "Why did you do that?" "Mikko!" "[finska] Is that you Mikko?" "Hey!" "Sorry?" "[finska] Don't you remember me?" "Tiina." "I think you are mistaken." "My name is Mikael Andersson - and this is my sister Maria Andersson, who I grew up with." "[finska] Why were you kissing?" "You do that in Sweden." "You do this in Sweden when you are blowing glass." "You do this in Sweden when you are carding wool." "[finska] You are a pitiful man, Mikko Virtanen." "Really." "Is not it hard lying to everyone all the time?" "I do not see it as lying - rather I've gotten a chance to finally be honest with myself." "Maybe you should try to be honest with Lotta too?" "Then if it doesn't work out between you then you are not in love." "I think so." "What the hell, she's everything I like about Sweden." "Are you sleeping with the country or the woman?" "The most important thing is that two people are attracted to each other." "Hey." "You're right,we can not continue like this." "No." "[finska] "Travel is great, but home is best."." "Did you say something?" " These here are not rotten." "Allemansrätten!" "(Everyman's right!" ")" "Lotta..." "There is something..." "I'm afraid that you will not love me - for who I really am." "Mikael..." "Do you want to?" "Yes!" "How does it feel?" "Good." "Compared to other Swedish guys?" "We'll talk later." "Oh that was good." "Was it good for you?" "Yes, but I probably prefer indoors anyway." "Yeah, I agree." "Naturally." "Hey!" "Hey." "What is that there?" "I just wanted to say that I thought about what you said - that it is not about countries but about people and feelings and such." "I just felt..." "What the hell, I love you." "So..." "So therefore..." "I actually want to always have you in my life." "Rille's here." "Hey, Rille." "Hey." "What the hell, your birthday or something?" "In August." "[Rille] Say something then." "I hope you will be in my life too." "I do not think I'd have done it without you." "I do not think she noticed anything." "Honestly it's not so different from Finnish sex." "You slept with her?" "Yeah, in the woods." "It went well." "She thought it was nice, though I lost focus." "What are you doing here in that case?" "I just want to thank you." "You are such a good sister and all." "Especially if he, who is called the same as I - does not return." "Then it's you and me." "I want you to go now." "Where are the flowers?" "They were not for me." "For whom then?" "[song] Here is a wretch whose soul you can not see DEAD BODIES" " NO SEARCH RESULTS Egg halves, julost - grynkorv, prinskorv..." "Lantolaatikå, that is called?" " Yes, rutabaga casserole." "What is he doing here?" "He can not be alone on Christmas Eve." "No, of course not." "Hey, welcome dear neighbour next door." "Check out what Jorma has with him." "You didn't have to." "We have julskinka here." "Maksalaatikko." "Janssons frestelse." "Porkkanalaatikko." "Herring and smoked salmon." "Perunalaatikko." "Revbensspjäll, korv, köttbullar." "Joulutorttu." "Västeråsgurka and äggkaka." "Piirakka and munavoi." "Oh here comes your sister." "Hey!" "Merry Christmas!" "How lovely!" "Mamma, shall I help you crack nuts?" "I'm not your mamma." "Michael has said that you taught him all of your recipes." "You said she never cooks." "I may have been wrong." "Siblings can perceive childhood differently." "Yes." "You'd know, as the trained Swedish psychologist." "Precisely, it can be..." "You may not remember mamma's äggkaka." "Do you remember it, mamma?" "It is so nice with traditions." "Yes it certainly is." "Really." "We have never had this." "I usually like to do pizza and beer sat in front of Donald Duck." "A few more traditions you have as well?" "Maybe get laid." "Was that midsummer?" "Shouldn't we talk about when Mikael was little?" "Mamma, has Mikael not changed in appearance?" "Maybe I should go out and buy a newspaper." "Yes." "Why is that?" " "I want to buy a newspaper."" "You can check it in my phone." " He will pretend to be Santa, dumbshit." "What the hell are you doing?" "Nothing." "I just had a hard time remembering that we ate äggkaka." "Can you try a little?" "Wait ..." "No, I don't remember." "Even if you're mad at me ..." "Am I mad at you?" "For some reason." "Why?" "I'm the only brother you have." "Are You my only brother?" "Are you?" "Why do you say that?" "I Have to buy the evening paper." "[finska] Damnit Mikko, you can do this." "You are an experienced Swedish Christmas celebrator." "What the hell." "Who stole my Santa costume?" "Where in hell is this country headed?" "Merry Christmas!" "Fucking asshole, you killed him." "What are you doing here?" "Merry Christmas!" "What the hell is he doing here?" "I thought you killed him." "Sibling solidarity!" "What are you doing here if you thought he had killed me?" "Mikael?" "Yes?" "Who is this?" "Mikael Andersson." "That's me." "Mikael Andersson is me." "Yes, Mikael Andersson and Mikael Andersson, old childhood friends." "Ah!" "And this is my fiancee Lotta, We marry this summer." "It was nice of you to come." "Now we are celebrating Christmas, you understand - so we must do this another time." "Mikael, of course he can come." "Mikael!" "Come in." "Thank you." "If you are hungry there is plenty food." "Want a beer?" "Yes, thank you." "Mikael, is that you?" "It is you." "No "äiti"... (accidentally said Finnish "mamma")" "Two Santas!" "We're going now, Rille." "I didn't get presents." "It is I who am Mikael Andersson." "Even though we have the same name " "I am Mikael Andersson, brother to Maria and the son of Greta." "I want to go now, Rille." "Why are you upset, Maria?" "Ask your boyfriend." "She is upset because Michael and her had a relationship." "Uh, no." "Well they had a disagreement about that." "But they had sex on several occasions." "You want some beers?" "They did not sleep with each other." "He beat her, but it was good for her." "Then something went wrong." "They have not spoken to each other in 15 years." "All the cards are on the table, Now let's celebrate Christmas." "Shall we do presents?" "Or some of the fun boxes?" "[finska] Pass me a beer?" "[svenska]" "Sure thing." "Or if you want..." "Er, what did you say?" "[Rille] You!" "She is mine." "I am not going to sleep with her." "Okay, it's best that I drive mamma home now huh?" "And then we'll continue to celebrate Christmas another time." "Mikael..." "One can not even kill himself in this fucking country." "Don't do anything stupid now." "Whoah!" "Mikael!" "Mikael!" "I thought I'd freeze to death then." "I lay there for three days." "Then I had a realisation." "The problem was not life, but Sweden." "The voice that prevented me from jumping, it was Sweden." "Germophobic, drug-and-violence-sheltered, socialist-regime Sweden." "You know, that voice is gone now." "I am free, Mikko." "Come on, do not mess about." "Fuck, stop." "What the hell are you doing?" "You don't need to have a safety belt." "Yes!" "I drank paint in Grozny." "I've done everything." "Now I'm living." "I feel alive, Sweden!" "Obviously you want to die." "Sit!" "I just don't want to be Swedish." "Do you think Swedes are good?" "Social Democratic forced sterilization shit hole - that has had peace for too long." "What the hell are you doing here then, if it's so fucking terrible?" "I just need a new kidney." "What" "A new kidney." "Otherwise, it's thanks and farewell." "It's urgent." "Yeah." "Unfortunately, I must have my identity back." "No, no, no." "Yes!" "It is mine." "There would have been a fight sooner or later anyway." "Olof would have been a miscarriage - and Astrid sticks a sewing needle in the electrical outlet." "Unlikely, we'll have childproofing." "I don't want anything." "I just don't want to die now that I've only begun to live." "I need to be myself, and you just need to tell the truth." "But that won't work, we're getting married." "Finnish or Swedish, what does it matter if she loves you?" "Otherwise, there are other Swedish girls" "He's really awesome at gifts, your brother." "(New Year's Eve)" "Ring in the new and ring out the old" "Do you not want to watch it?" "I saw it last year." "Do you love me Mikael?" "[real Mikeal] I think you're boring." "A bit too Swedish." "Happy New Year!" "Conflicts can arise in a group - when someone does say what they really think and feel." "Mikael." "I'm thinking of you, Gunilla." "You've been a surgeon for 20 years." "So, only as an example - let's say that a person needs a new kidney." "But though this person is suffering - they have a phobia of showing identification." "Would I then be able to show my identification instead?" "Maybe if he is the person receiving, for example me, my kidney?" "Would that pass?" "No, unfortunately not, that is completely unthinkable." "This is Sweden." "Yes, exactly." "Once you adapt?" "I will fix this, okay?" "You have two weeks to find something better than "private hospital in Switzerland"." "Bag of tricks, Mikko." "You should have killed me when you had the chance." "In and of itself, not too late." "You drive me out in the woods and kill me." "Bury me." "Then you win." "No, I can not kill you, okay." "I must have my life back." "I am sure that there is a rational Swedish consensus." "I just have to find it." "Now you get to do something for me brother." "No, you come at once, otherwise you become a boat refugee again." "Yes hi, great to see you." "Great that you want to accept this extraordinary employee day" "Once time was okay, but what progress did you make?" "Why are you looking at me?" "Isn't that Finnish to single out a person like this?" "Yes, only naturally it is." "There you go." "Substandard management." "The situation is unsustainable." "When problems arise in the workplace..." "Is it not almost always the boss's fault?" "Well..." "Whose fault is it?" "1: the boss?" "Or 2: the group's?" "Well, I can't really say." "You can, otherwise it's Suomi next." "Why are we talking about Finland, and not about the workplace?" "Probably because I have on a few occasions - drew a metaphor about war veterans in Finland .." "I don't give a shit about war veterans." "Yeah well - but in Finland one usually cares" "This is not Finland." "This is Sweden, and Finland is Finland." "Sweden is Sweden..." "Finland is Finland!" "Why should I save him?" "He is your brother." "This is a really bad idea, Mikko." "The worst idea since - a nationality transvestite wanted to swap identity." "She hates me." "No she doesn't." "[Maria]" "Yes I do." "You should have killed him when you could." "Consider that you are family." "He's not getting my liver." "500 000." "Half the inheritance." "That's a lot of money." "Not only money is important." "Think of everything you have experienced." "Yeah, that's a lot." "You know what I remember above all from our childhood?" "This." "Girl's punch." "Then I remember this from a different angle." "Don't worry Michael, she just needs to cool off a bit." "This will benefit you." "600 000." "I am unemployed." "Embrace!" "Yeah, stag party in Helsinki." "We are going to eat piirakka and drink." "Yeah, of course." "Bye bye, kiss." "[Maria] Why are we doing this in Finland?" "[Mikko]" "Mikko Virtanen exists here." "Mikael is the kidney patient, Mikko Virtanen." "You are Mikael Andersson, his friend." "And I am his sister, the donor." "I am Mikael Andersson." "You and I?" "What is our relationship, then?" "We are adopted siblings, just as we really are." "Is it not strange that I've forgotten Finnish?" "Childhood trauma." "Just say "kyllä" and "mitä" and "va"." "Mitä?" "Va?" "[finska] We have the test results and it looks bad." "He needs a new kidney as quickly as possible." "This is his sister Maria." "Yes." "Maria wants to donate one of her kidneys." "Yes." "That is not so simple, Mikko." "Mikko?" "No, no." "In there. *He* is Mikko." "What is so mysterious?" "Consider war veterans." "If the farmers of Savo had wrinkled their noses at rancid meat - and if we had been weak, then we would not be Finns." "If a surgeon in Suomussalmi had refused to operate - on a wounded soldier's frozen limbs, what would we be then?" "We wouldn't even be animals." "We'd be Swedes." "That's what you've always wanted to be, Mikko." "You are Mikko Virtanen." ""Swedish Homo"." "It's what we called you." "Sakari!" "I'll beat you limp, Swedish homo." "Well then..." "Be the Swede you want to be, but don't insult your country." "How in the hell did you think this would work?" "[svenska] What's happening?" "We are revealed." "Did you think that I would let him die?" "I owe you this much." "No." "Nothing like that 'I-love-you' shit now." "It's the kidney." "Not the brain." "You're sure to be fine now." "It is harder to hate you like this." "Idiot." "You are an idiot." "What one does for their brother, eh?" "Are you going home now, or?" "When you asked me before what what was our relationship..." "Did you mean that for real?" "Maria Virtanen Andersson." "Yes?" "How do you say "good night my brother"?" ""Hyvää yötä, veli"." ""Hyvää yötä, veli." "Hyvää yötä."" "[finska] It's been a long time, mamma." "I have been in Sweden." "[svenska] I met a girl there." "We are getting married." "I think." "[finska] I got a sister." "And a new mamma." "I don't think she likes me." "[svenska] But my sister likes me." "I think so anyway." "[finska] Christ." "[finska] Finnish body, Swedish soul." "I know who I am." "And what I need to do." "[finska] You are Finnish, you fear nothing." "Hey, Mikael!" "[finska]" "No, my name is Mikko Virtanen." "[svenska] What are you saying?" "My name is Mikko Virtanen" "And I am Finnish and always have been." "Also, I am in love with Maria, my sister, who is not my sister." "Yes, there're lots of things." "Maybe we should go in so we can talk about it and I can tell you everything." "What happened to you?" "We did a brain transplant well, so now I am Mikko." "No, it was Lotta actually." "You went home?" "Yeah, but in Sweden though." "I told her everything." "She didn't want to hear about the Swedish Labour Treaty." "No." "But Jorma intervened, so yeah." "It was still pretty good." "I think perhaps that she reacted the strongest" "about what I said about me... me realising... realising my true feelings... about someone else, well... about you." "You really don't know how to express feelings in this country." "[finska] No, it feels really strange!" "What should you do now?" "I've had surgery to remove a kidney here." "I think you should take the initiative." "Okay... [finska] My love." "If you leave me, I'll kill you." "[finska] Do I look like an idiot?" "Yeah uh, there is one thing." "It's a little embarrassing." "I have not gotten laid in six months." "Only socialists wear helmets!" "Go fuck yourself Sweden!" "Jesus..." "There are other foods here." "Someone persuaded me to make an organ donation." "Sorry." "[finska] Don't be so fucking Swedish." "[finska] I'll try." "English Translation by ~ Le Rosbif ~"