"It's Milton Bradley." "Okay, thanks." "This stuff sucks." "All right, kid, you want to see top-shelf quality?" "I'm gonna show you my own personal line, okay?" "This is between you and me." "I'm still in the copyrighting stage." "What I'm about to show you is for your eyes only." "Doghouse series." "This is Doghouse Reilly." "Age, unknown." "Eye color, cobalt." "Hair, forest gold." "Build, smoker's athletic." "Occupation, trillionaire detective." "Sounds lame." "You're lame, kid." "Doghouse would punch out your whole family for that remark." "Is that cat for sale?" "Is that a real question?" "He's on the table." "So is your hand." "Are you for sale?" "No, you're not, so please remove it and yourself from my lawn." " Loser." " Doll-kisser." "Clinton, what did you say to that boy?" "Just a business disagreement." "Ma..." "Ma, we're gonna be late." "You're seeing this, right?" "This is exactly what I'm talking about." "This is not normal." "He's not himself anymore." "He's sleeping all the time." "He's eating less." "He just stares blankly off into space." "He's been disappearing for days at a time." "And look at his hair." "Something's wrong with his hair." "It looks like it's falling out." "I think for a 17-year-old cat, he appears quite healthy." " Can I talk to you for a minute?" " Sure." "Just..." "The truth is, doc, things haven't been so good lately." "Nothing makes him happy anymore." "It's like his will and spirit are gone." " You know I'm a veterinarian?" " Right." "I think you should consult a psychiatrist." "They have those for cats now?" "Okay, Ma, we've got to make an appointment with Dr. Sloane in Petaluma." "This is why you've got to get your license, hon." "I'm talking about Mouser's well-being, and you're bugging me about a driver's license." "It's unbelievable, Ma." " What are you doing?" " I need a few things." "We're just gonna stop at Ford's Megastore for a minute." "You know very well it's against everything I stand for." "Not this time." "I really don't care." "He killed my business, Ma." "Now I'm stuck running a yard sale like a common clown." "You had a corner comics store that lasted, what, six months?" "You didn't even make a cent." "What does Ford's Megastore have to do with anything?" "This coming from my number-one investor." "You've changed, Ma." "I said that you were... okay." "Hey, honey, I'm off." "Uh, mac and cheese is in the fridge." "Okay, thanks, Mom." "Do you smell gasoline?" "That's perfume, Clinton." "What's that?" "Lipstick?" "You're not going on a date, are you?" "What, I can't dress up?" "Not that it's any of your business." "I'm just trying to protect you from the douchebags you seem to attract." " "The douchebags"?" " Scumbags, dirtbags... all the bags." "As you know, I haven't had a date in years." "That's hilarious." "What..." "What?" "No, not you, Mom, the show." "I was laughing at the show." "Tony Danza." "Hi, everybody." "I'm Al Ford." "Come on down to the Megastore, where you steal from us!" "Home barbecues... we're on fire." "Sporting goods... you betcha." "Toys for kids?" "Dude!" "So come on down to Ford's Megastore, where..." "You steal from us!" "Hey, buddy." "Can you believe that asshole?" "What are you doing?" "Hey, buddy." "What are you doing?" "What are you always doing up here, huh?" "Come here." "Come on." "What's going on with you, huh?" "I'm worried about you." "Mundhra says you need a shrink." "Hey, buddy." "Mouser?" "What the hell?" "Oh, are you kidding me?" "Come on." "Ah." "Ma?" "Ma, what happened?" "I'm so sorry, honey." "Ma..." "What's going on?" "Hey, hey, hey." "Mouser?" "Mouser!" "What... what happened?" "What happened?" "What happened?" "Did anyone see what happened?" "Wait, no... no one saw anything?" "Just step back!" "Step back!" "Give him room to breathe." "Oh, no, Mom!" "Ma..." "Mom, what..." "Mouser." "Mouser, boy." "...been here all night." "I can't tell..." "I can't believe none of these people called you guys sooner, not to mention, you could've arrived here sooner, but you should probably question some of these neighbors." "I think when Molly at dispatch got the call, there was at first an assumption that it was a crank call." "Sir, why don't we step over here?" "Can you tell me about last night?" "What did you do, what did you see?" "Uh, yeah, yeah." "Um, I..." "I watched four episodes of "Who's the Boss?"" "No, five, ac... five." "Uh, I ate dinner, macaroni and cheese, Kraft." "Um..." "Did you see or hear anything?" "No, no." "Any enemies that you know of or recent threats of any kind?" "No, no." "Mouser was very well-liked." "I meant you." "Oh." "Um, no." "None whatsoever." "Okay." "Thank you." "W... what... what, that's it?" "Well, I'll file a report, and we'll hope for the best." ""Hope for the best"?" "There's an arrow sticking out of my cat!" "I'm sorry, sir." "Aren't you going to take some crime-scene photos?" "Take some DNA samples?" "Where... where's are the lab guys?" "All right, let's just take it easy, bud." "My cat was clearly murdered," "So, no, I will not "take it easy, bud"!" "You..." "Mom, wha..." " What the... hey, get the..." " Excuse me, sir." "Can we have a few words with you?" "We're with the local news." "Is there something you'd like to say?" "Um... yes, yes, yes, yes." "My best friend was murdered today, and I demand justice!" "End quote." "Clinton?" "Clinton?" "Clinton?" "Not again." "Clinton, will you please come down from there?" "I'm having a vigil." " A vigil." " Yes." "A candlelight vigil." "Couldn't you have it inside?" "Or maybe just at a safer height?" "Side socket by the window, please." "Okay, will you come down now?" "Clinton!" "Shut that shit off!" "Oh, did you sleep on the roof again?" " What is that?" " Oh, it's nothing." "Well, why are you hiding it?" "I'm not." "It's nothing." "I just haven't finished reading it yet." "Let me see it." "Ma?" " Honey!" " Let me have it!" "I saw my face!" "Oh, for heaven's sake." "They called me "a harmless oddball"?" "Honey, I think that it was meant to be endearing." "They say Mouser was last seen when I was "staging a garage sale"?" "I wasn't staging anything." "It was an actual goddamn garage sale!" "And he wasn't "found dead," he was murdered!" "This is bullshit!" "Nobody cares!" "Well, Frank cares." "Who the hell is Frank?" "Sheriff Hoyle." "Oh, come on." "Store's closed indefinitely, kid." "I got other business to attend to." "What do you want, kid?" "Your cat?" "I saw him." "What do you know?" "20." "20?" "20... 20 what?" "What... what... 20?" " What is this 20?" " Bucks." "Oh, come..." "I'm not giving you 20 bucks, you little weasel." "Hey!" "Wait, wait, wait." "Okay." "Okay." "I got... $10.36." "Okay, now you want it." "Follow me." "Hey." "Trevor, God damn it!" "Here." "Here." ""Here" what?" "I saw him." "Dragging himself with the arrow sticking out of him and all." "Why didn't you help him?" "I didn't know what to do." "You don't see that every day... a cat with an arrow out of it." "Wait." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "Where are you going?" "I've got to go to the pool with my brother." "Yeah, you... you go synchronize swim while I solve a murder!" "What the..." "Mouser." "Mouser." ""I answer to Horatio"?" "What the..." ""172 Hope's Crest."" "Hope's Crest?" "Hope's Crest?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Mouser." "Horatio?" "Hor..." "Horatio?" "Holy hell!" "Oh, my God!" "What the hell were you doing in my closet, you pervert?" "Were you jerking off in there?" "No, no!" "Good God, no!" " I'm calling the police." " Wait." "Don't move." "I will whack your balls with my flute." "Jeez, no!" "I didn't break in, okay?" "The door was open." "So you just pranced right in, you freak?" " I am not some kind..." " Hey, hey!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "What is that?" "Is that my... is that my flyer?" "Yes!" "Yes!" "And I want to know why there's a picture of my cat on it, not to mention all over your walls!" " What?" " You sick... no, just skip it." "Skip it." "I know what you did." "Why don't you put some clothes on, 'cause I'm calling the police?" " I'm calling the police!" "Don't move!" " Give me the phone!" " You stay back." " Give me your phone!" "Yeah, there's an intruder in my home, a sexual predator." "No, there's a murderer here!" "You're gonna pay for this, you pet-hunter!" "He was jerking off in there while I... hey!" "What the..." "Jesus!" "Yeah, get out of here!" "Okay, just get here as soon as you can." "Yeah, I'm armed." "Hey, Morgan, come on!" "You kids know better than that." "Hello?" "Hello!" "Out of the way!" "Hey, Clinton, will you..." "Whoa, whoa!" "Stop the car!" "Police business!" "Get out of the street!" "I found the killer." "You're absolutely sure about this?" "Yes, I'm sure." "She struck me with a lead pipe." "Look." "Was there a mark there, or..." "I don't see anything." "Just let me do the talking, okay?" "Calm down." "Okay, don't let her get in your head." " Finally you show up." " Excuse me?" "Wait, that's the guy!" "Cuff her, Hoyle." "She's got a weapon." "All right, what is going on here with you two?" "This perv broke into my house, watched me change, and then masturbated on my clothes." "What the... no!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "I was looking for evidence." "There was no masturbation." "Why do you keep s... you pervert!" " You broke in to her apartment?" " No, the door was unlocked." "That's not important." "She's a murderer." "She killed Mouser." "What the hell are you talking about?" "I didn't kill any mice." "The proof is on the walls!" "Look." "Look, right there!" "She lured Mouser in with her cheap bribes and her fancy cat food and then pulled the trigger." "Or the bow." "His picture's right there!" "That's Horatio, my cat." "Ma'am, is your cat here right now?" "Yeah!" "Yeah, smart." "Where is Horatio?" "Uh, no." "Uh... he's been missing for, like, a week, but he disappears from time to time, so..." "Oh, bullshit!" " Whoa, whoa!" " You..." "I think I know what's going on here, okay?" "You two owned the same cat." "He was moonlighting." "What... what do you mean, "owned"?" "But that's impossible." "Past tense?" "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, ma'am, but, uh, Horatio/Mouser was found dead yesterday." "Ma'am, I know this is a difficult moment, but, uh, would you mind if I take a quick look around the apartment?" " No." " Thank you." "Clinton, wait in the car." " I'm here if you need me." " Wait in the car." "So let me get this straight..." "you're not gonna do one thing, then?" "I mean, not a damn thing?" "How did you even get that badge, man?" "You're a quitter." "Okay, first of all, there is not a shred of actual evidence that that girl had anything to do with this crime, Clinton." "Second of all, this is a police matter, okay?" "For police personnel." "What are you trying to tell me?" "Look, I'm..." "I'm gonna turn a blind eye to the whole breaking-and-entering fiasco, but you've got to stop." "No more detective games, okay?" "I mean, we're talking about a cat, right?" "It's not the Lindbergh baby." "That cat was my best friend." "Hey, asshole." "What are you doing here?" "How'd you find my house?" "I looked up "dick hole" in the white pages." "Whoa, hey, don't you try anything." "My mom is inside." "God, you're a real pussy when you don't have a cop to hide behind." "Why'd you do it?" "Will you stop with that?" "Show me my cat." "No, no, no, no." "Not a chance." "Whoa, whoa." "What are you doing?" "Just..." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Hey!" "What the hell's wrong with you?" "Horatio..." ""Mouser," right?" "Yep." "This is nice... this burial here." "Thank you." "This... this was his favorite tree." "Is this supposed to be Horatio?" "Oh..." "Smoking a cigarette?" "That is a work in progress." "No one's supposed to see this, okay?" "The cigarette can come out, by the way." "It just depends on which version you buy, adult or children." "I have a toy line." "You have a toy line?" "Well, technically "lines"" "delineated by different worlds and characters." "Can we just stay on task?" "This is the murder weapon." "Be very careful." "You should be wearing gloves." "Mm." "There's bite marks." "He was trying to pull it out." "Who would do something like this?" "I don't know, but I'm starting to think it was some kind of crazed Apache." "They sell these at Ford's." "Ford's Megastore?" "Yeah." "I used to be an assistant manager there." "They have a whole archery section." "Please." "I can't hear any more." "I never thought I'd have to set foot in that store." "Let's roll." "Oh, do you have a car or just a way to get there?" "Otherwise, I should ask my mom." "Oh!" "Whoa!" "Is this thing road-safe?" "So you live with your mom?" "God, that's brutal." "It's actually a business decision, if you must know." "I run a small enterprise out of my home." "My mother is an investor and the C.F.O." "It's a live-work space." "My bedroom is also an office and an efficient repair shop." " Jesus." " By the way, you're one to talk." "You live with a bunch of geriatrics." "I get a really good deal on rent in exchange for cutting everyone's hair." "And anyway, I like old people." "They're nice." "They're peaceful." "What's wrong with you?" "Nothing." "I just haven't been here since I quit." "Come on." "Greta Chuplinski." "Back from retirement." "Am I that irresistible?" "Eat my balls, Yi." "You know where this came from?" "Can't you see I'm on break?" "Oh, howdy." "How can I help you two?" "You know where this arrow came from?" "Well, that's not an arrow, that is a bolt." "A bolt?" "Yes, a bolt, for a crossbow." "It looks like an arrow, but it's significantly heavier, has vastly different flight characteristics." "This one in particular belongs to the Sure Shot 5000 series." "Show it to me." "It's a quality crossbow." "Manufactured in China." "Guangzhou, I believe." "Is this a popular model?" "Actually, Sure Shot's a fledgling company." "We're the only ones in the country who carry it." "But she's a real beaut, though." "I mean, it's a fine bow." "Look at the craftsmanship on this baby." "Titanium barrel, nickel inlay." "She's a true shot." "Packs a real wallop." "You could take down a rabbit at full stride from 100 feet." "Pow!" "I mean, not "pow," 'cause it's a crossbow, but "pfft!"" "My cat was murdered with that thing." " My cat, too." " Two cats?" "No, one cat, two owners." "One cat, two cat, three cat, blue cat!" "Does it matter?" "He's dead, and the blood is on your hands!" "Please, sir!" " Who'd you sell it to?" " Excuse me?" "Who'd you sell the murder weapon to, death master?" "Clinton, what are you..." "Hi, everybody, what's, uh..." "what's going on over here?" "Steve?" "Huh?" "Greta?" " You're..." " The commercial." "Al Ford." "How are you?" "What's the problem here, Steve?" "He called me "death master."" ""Death master"?" "What is this "death master"?" "Your crossbow killed my best friend." "Oh, my God." "He means his cat." "Oh." "Right, right." "I think I read that in the "Beacon."" "Very, very sorry to hear about that, son, honestly." "That somebody might use a product of mine from this store in that sort of way just... it kills me." "If there's anything I can do, anything at all, you let me know." "Um, okay." "Thank you, yes." "I'd appreciate the names and information of every single person who bought this thing." "That I cannot do." "You shit-faced phony!" " God damn it, Clinton, come on." " Excuse me?" "We have privacy policies here at this store, sir." "Listen, we just want to take a quick look at the sales inventory to see the people who bought this thing, and then we'll get out of here." "Miss Chuplinski, as you well know, what you're asking for is strictly against store policy." "Now, I might have been able to bend the rules a little bit here, but just quitting without any notice?" "Leaving us all stranded here?" "Particularly in Home Patios during barbecue season." "Failure to return your vest, Greta?" "All of this demonstrates blatant disregard for this establishment." "Now, that said, my office is always open to you." "I'm out of here." "Wait." "What, you're going?" "Just show me the goddamn inventory, Ford." "Can't do that." "You really are a sham." "Can you leave my store, please?" "All right, all right." "You want to play hardball?" "You've got yourself a hardball game." "What is this all about?" "What are you protesting?" "Wh... what am I..." "isn't it obvious?" "Ford's." "This store puts innocent lives at risk." "Oh, my God!" "He's... he's just a boy!" "Exactly." "And a very noble one." "He's fasting in protest." "Or he will." "I'm bored." "Let me down." "You want your 30 bucks or not?" "Just keep drumming." ""Boo!" yeah, again!" "Boo!" "Let me call you back." "Hi, Frank." " Al." " Sorry about this." "Yeah." "Is that the Johnson boy up there?" "Yeah." "Can they get him down or... yeah, they're..." "They'll get on it." "What about Clinton?" "Do you need any..." "No, no, no." "You hear that?" "They're booing you, Ford." "You're finished." "They're booing you, you idiot." "Now, look, I told the sheriff not to intervene here, but you need to stop this." "Hi, everybody." "You are completely out of line here, son." "What's out of line is your store, your products, and everything you stand for." "Kid, I'm a business owner." "Okay?" "Amongst other things, I sell, uh, sporting goods here, some of which is used for what we call shooting sports." "Now, I'm no maverick." "Similar stores to mine all across the country." "I'm sorry about your cat." "I am." "I like cats." "But frankly, it's not my problem." "You choke on a McNugget, do blame McDonald's?" "Yeah." "I bet you do, you little pinhead." "Listen, this whole charade is pointless." "All right." "We'll see about that." "No, we won't see, God damn it." "The Sure Shot 5000 is a bust." "Okay, you want the inventory information?" "I'll give it to you." "Zero models have been sold." "Zero." "Do you get me?" " It didn't come from my store." " That's impossible." "It's a fact." "Now, quit making a fool out of yourself before I change my mind about pressing charges." "Greta, we need to talk." "Wow." "Hi, Clinton." "Yeah, come on in." "Just make yourself at home." "It's about the crossbows." "We've hit a wall." "I'm sorry, Irv." "Can you excuse us for a second?" "Yeah." "Remember, she's my girl." "All right, okay." "Were you cutting Mouser's hair?" "Yeah." "I needed the practice, and his hair was a mess." "What?" "It was... it was untamed and beautiful." "I thought it was my best work." "Why are you all sweaty?" "I broke Ford." "He claims no crossbows were sold, but it doesn't add up." "Really?" "None?" "I don't know what to say." "I mean, maybe they came from "zang-zing" or whatever." "Or maybe Ford is lying." "The crossbow had to come from his store." "But this is a publicity nightmare for him." "Mr. Family Values is trying to protect his image." "Something is definitely off, and I'm gonna find out what." "Are you with me?" "I don't know, Clinton." "What the hell is going on with you?" "You ditch me at Ford's, and now you're just giving up?" "I need your help." "I'm not giving up." "It's just the police and Ford's?" "I mean, it's too much." "It's not worth it." ""Too much"?" "Are you not hearing me?" "Ford is full of shit." "Their crossbow killed Mouser," "Horatio, our cat." "These are the same scumbags who drove my business out of town." "They think they can just push around the little guy." "Well, this time the little guy is gonna push back." "Are you with me?" "Are we done?" "I have a customer coming." "Okay." "Yeah." "We're done." "Reilly." "Doghouse Reilly." "Ma?" "Can I get a ride to Ford's?" "Hey." "What the hell do you think you're doin'?" "Who are you?" "Uh, I'm the new guy." "Greta." "Okay." "I know it, brother." "Another day, another dollar." "We got to keep our nose to the grindstone, so to speak." "Ugh!" "Something was wrong with mine." "So where are we keeping those Sure Shot 5000s everyone's talking about?" ""Everyone's talking about"?" "I don't know." "Check sports, row G-12." "Thanks for the smoke, brother." "Damn it." "Yi, get over here!" "What have I told you about smoking in the warehouse?" "Huh?" "Put it out." "Now." "What are you doing?" "No smoking." "Oh." "What's that over there?" "Oh, and is there something you want to give me from your pocket?" "Hello." "Get back to work." "Mute." "We need to get these boxes to our man by 4:00 sharp, so no ice-cream breaks." "And, Dave, if you get a flat tire this time, do not call the police." "Ah-ah-ah-ah." "Chin up, tenderfoot." "I still have faith in you." "Bingo." "What are you doin', man?" "What are you doin'?" "Greta." "Excuse me." "'Cause, you know, I prefer the sativa." "That hemp star you gave me was just too soporific." "Ideally, I'd love the high to be strong during office hours but peak during lecture." "Try this, Howie." "I think you'll like it." "Bravo." "Greta, we need to talk." "Oh, Clinton." "Holy shit." "Okay." "Hold on." "This is for you, and we're good here?" "I've never seen you." "Thank you." "Listen, I was chased all the way here by a giant machine." "He was a running machine." "I am lucky to be alive." "He was so fast, so big..." "Okay, okay." "Calm down." "Just take a second." "Clinton, what the hell happened to you?" "I broke into Ford's warehouse." " You what?" " Yes." "Shh." "Okay?" "It was very dangerous, but this is what I do, Greta." "I'm like a clever mongoose, okay?" "Now, listen, it's deeper than we thought, okay?" "The Sure Shots, Ford's..." "it's all connected." "That's obvious, but, I mean, there's something bigger going on, like a theft ring or something." "That guy, Kim Chi?" "Kim Ch..." "Yi Kim?" "Right." "There's something off about him." "Yeah, to say the least." "Oh, what's that mean?" "I mean, he's weird." "Like, maybe the weirdest person I know." "Well, I'm..." "I'm weird." "I mean, I'm a friggin' weirdo." "You're minor-league weird." "I'm talking hall-of-fame weird." "Like, if Prince and Pee-Wee Herman had a baby, it wouldn't play with Yi Kim." "Whatever." "It's not a competition, Greta." "Listen, the point is that Liu Kang and his man-child are stealing from the store, all right?" "They're using the unsold crossbow boxes as a cover somehow." "They're boosters, dropping off the stolen goods to a fence." " A fence?" " A middleman." "He unloads the hot items." "You never read "The Hardy Boys"?" ""Three Investigators"?" "All I know is that carnival masker and his silent giant are the only two to have access to the crossbows." "W... what?" "What is it?" "What?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "You're acting all tense and weird, and you tore your coaster to shreds." "You knew about this." "Clinton, that's crazy." "What are you talking about?" "Two Glenlivets, neat." "Oh, hey, we're having a private discussion here." " If we wanted to include you..." " Simmer down, darlin'." "It's courtesy of the gentleman over there." "Shit." "I remember." "I don't think we've officially met." "Yi Kim." "That's Dave Calvetti." "I didn't catch your name." "Clint..." " Excuse?" " It's Clinton." "Clint." "Clinton." "Ton." "Your shot's collecting dust." "I don't......" "I don't really" "Drink... it." "Whoo!" "Oh!" "Let's go for a little walk, hmm?" "The varnish in this place, it... smells like sadness." "Yi, where the hell are we going?" "We're going on a little trip, Greta bear." "So, Clinton, you like Greta, huh?" "Oh." "You don't say much, do you?" "You must be complicated." "We all know how Greta loves a challenge." "All right, what is this, huh?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Take it easy." "You'll see." "All right, this is getting old, Yi." "Come on, Clinton, let's go." "Hey!" "All right, look, Kano, or whatever your name is," "I don't know what you're trying to pull, but I know what's going on." "Ah!" "Oh, Christ!" "Hey!" "Hey, we're all friends here." "We all trust each other, don't we?" "Let go of her!" "Whoo!" "Oh, I am feeling it!" "You feeling it, Dave?" "Huh?" "Whoo!" "Love it!" "You feeling it, Clintonio?" "I... uh..." "Yeah, yeah, I guess." "Give me your hand." "Now, do we trust each other?" "Huh?" " Please!" "Stop!" " We're in this together now." "Please!" "Please, Yi, don't do this!" "You've been a nosy little kitty cat." "But I trust you now." "No." "There's no one else." "I don't have to justify anything to you, okay?" "Just stay out of my life." "How... how did I get here?" "Uh, we walked." "Well, I sort of carried you." "I don't remember any of that." "Oh, my God." "Do I have a memory loss?" "Was I hit by the train?" "Yeah, if that's what you consider Dave Calvetti." "You're fine." "You're just a little bruised, that's all." " I gotta go." "I gotta..." " No, wait." "No, wait." "Stay here." "Stay here." "My God." "Ew." "Ow." "Ah..." "Here." "Try this." "It's my special recipe." "Oh, my God." "What is this?" "Just boiled whiskey?" "Yeah, pretty much." "Hey." "Who's this guy?" " Come on." " Did you make him, too?" "Yeah." "Kind of look like they go together." "Are they partners?" "Yeah." "That's pretty good." "How long have you been doing this?" "Oh, I don't know." "Since I was a kid, I guess." "So you had your own little workshop?" "I used to run around in tighty-whities and a trench coat and interrogate strangers." "Pretty cute." "I was 15." "Okay." "I was imaginative." "Yeah." "Sounds like you were a handful." "What'd your parents think?" "Well, my dad hated it." ""Puss-bag"..." "that's what he used to call me." ""Puss-bag"?" "What does that even mean?" "I don't know." ""Puss," like "pussy," and, like, "bag,"" "like a bag of it, like a... like a bag of... of pussies." "Like a bag full of pussies, I guess." "I don't know." "It doesn't make any sense." "He sounds like an asshole." "You still live with him?" "Oh, hell, no." "He moved on to greener pastures, and he's got some new family in Texas and owns some puss-bag store." "I don't know." "What?" "What?" "Get up." "I want to do something for you." "Come on." " What..." " Don't argue with me." "Whoa." "No, no, no, no." "I don't know about this." "What do you think?" "It's..." "I don't know." "Okay." "You look older." "Oh, great, thanks." "That was a compliment." "I was saying you look handsome." "You know, like a man." "Yeah, I don't know if I want to look like a man." "I like it." "Are you sure you want this?" "What do you mean?" "I need someone to be with me." "With you, like... to find Mouser's killer?" "Is that all you can think about?" "I'm not sure what we're talking about." "Our cat is dead, Clinton, but he brought us together." "To find his killer." "My life has enough problems." "You can't just run around in a trench coat and tighty-whities forever." "Okay." "I see how it is." "No, you don't." "That's what I'm trying to say..." "I know what you're trying to say." "You're just like everybody else." "Hey." "I knew about the scam, okay?" "Why do you think I left the store?" "Don't you get it?" "Yi's dangerous." "It's not worth it." "Let it go, Clinton." "Thanks for the tip." "Who is that?" "Clinton!" "You're up." "Good morning." "Clinton, honey, you remember Frank, don't you?" "No, actually." "I don't know any Frank." "I know a Sheriff Hoyle, but no... is he wearing my robe?" "Honey, I didn't know if you were... coming home last night, and..." " Don't worry, Clinton, I'll wash it." " No, don't bother." "It's just one of the few creature comforts to which I've ever really been attached, but burn it, because I am never wearing that thing again as long as I live." "Hey, you got a haircut." "It looks very distinguished." "It does." "Would you stop talking about my hair?" "Honey, why don't you just sit down for a second, huh?" "And eat something." "Look what I made." "Chocolate pancake... oops." "Sorry." "I'll eat that one." "You take that one." "And bacon." "Yeah, only because there's people starving in the world." "Where have you been, Clinton?" "I've been worried about you." "Really?" "You were worried?" "You had time to worry during your sex-capades with this doughnut-husker?" " Hey, come on, now." "Watch your mouth." " You watch your mouth." "This is my house, and I can act however I want." "Actually, you know, it's my house, and is it too much to ask for you to just be nice for once?" "Nice?" "Okay." "I'll be nice." "I got a nice little tip for you." "She's got the gout." "Real bad." "That's why she always wears socks." "I have... chilly feet." "Clinton, look, I know this is a little bit awkward, but I'd like for us to try and be friends." "All right." "Let's be friends." "I found out who killed Mouser, and I want to go there today." "Come on." "What is this?" "Yi Kim, he's the one who killed Mouser, and I want to nail him, Hoyle, today, now." "You mean Rogin Kim's son, of Kim's Tuxedos?" "I don't want to assume, but probably, right?" "Speaking of which, you might want to case that joint, see if the money's clean." "As for Yi, he is filthy." "He's running this huge scam involving crossbows and computers out of Ford's." "He killed Mouser to put the scare into Greta." "She's the one who stole Mouser." "She quit Ford's after she learned of the scam." "Frankly, this all sounds pretty ridiculous." "You're doing it, or I'm driving you out of here." "All right." "I got a little time before my shift." "Mmm!" "Hey." "You left this." "I was hoping maybe we could talk." "I'm sorry things got... weird last night." "Excuse me, Clinton, I think we'd better get going if we're gonna do this." "Yeah." "Yeah, just warm 'er up, Hoyle." "I'll meet you in the squad car in T-minus one minute." "What are you doing?" "I'm taking care of a little thing called justice." "It's not a good day to be Yi Kim, if you know what I mean." "Clinton, please don't do this." "I'm telling you, it'll come back to us." "Right." "Excuse me." "Clinton!" "This ends today." "Rich, spoiled bastard." "Makes you sick, right?" "Look, Clinton, what we're doing here is not exactly department protocol, okay?" "So you can't go poking around in there, making accusations." "We don't have a warrant." "Just..." "let me do the talking, okay?" "I got it." "I got it." "Silent muscle." "And don't worry." "This place is gonna be stacked to the ceiling with stolen product." "I'm pretty much handing you an easy collar." "Let's nail this perp." "Oh." "All right." "Who the hell are you?" "Where's Yi Kim?" "Whoa." "Hi, sweetie." "Is your father home?" "Dad!" "I bet he heard that." "May we come inside?" "The police need to speak to your brother." "He's in trouble." "We'll wait for your daddy." "Yi." "What's going on, Dad?" "Some people here to talk to you." "Yi, I'm sheriff Hoyle." "I'd..." "Wow." "That is... that's your sister, right?" " That is outstanding." " Oh, thank you." "I'm still struggling with it, you know?" "Oak is such a tricky medium." "Still trying to work on the eyelashes, but..." "Beautiful." "Thank you, Officer." "Anyway, what's, uh... what's going on?" "Don't act like you don't know." "You know exactly why we're here, Yi." "It's Clinton, right?" "You got it, Yi." " Hi." " It's over." "I've already told him everything... the store, the threat, my cat." "Just come clean now, and we might be able to cut you a deal." "We can do that, right, Hoyle?" "Shut up, Clinton." "Yi, can you tell me about what happened yesterday at the Megastore?" "Well..." "I wanted to be forgiving about this whole thing." "I didn't want to report it, but..." "I guess I just don't have a choice." "Clinton broke into the warehouse at Ford's Megastore yesterday." "Call me a softy, but he was apologetic, and I accepted that." "I didn't think we had to get the authorities involved." "You broke into the Megastore?" "No!" "Come on... well, technically yes, but it was for the purpose of good." "I was undercover." "I was deep cover." "Wait." "This is your partner?" " Absolutely not, no." " Basically, yes." "Look, okay, he is stealing from Ford's, all right?" "He is running a scam where he puts crossbows in computer boxes." "I mean, computers in crossbow boxes." "It's very elaborate." "Clinton, this is what I get for taking pity on you at the warehouse yesterday?" "God damn it, he's lying through his teeth!" "Can't you see?" "I want to see his room." "May I go to his room?" "Well, Mr. Kim, if you wouldn't mind, could we take a look at your room?" "Of course." "I guarantee it's just loaded with stolen merchandise... burner phones..." "I don't know!" "I'm not a criminal." "Let's go find out." "Okay, let's take a quick look, if you don't mind." " Yeah." "Of course." " Great." "Well, I think we've bothered these two enough for one day." "Hold on." "Clinton, no." "It's okay." "I don't mind." "Don't mind if I do." "Oh, what's this?" "These the numbers you're running for your operation?" "These your... your crooked books, huh?" "What am I looking at?" "Um, no, those are the plans for the tree house my father and I are building." ""Tree house"?" "Yes, for my sister and all her friends." "Okay." "Time to go, Clinton." "Gentlemen, I apologize for the intrusion." " We will be on our way now." " No problem at all." "Oh, look there." "You're a Lincoln admirer?" "I'm a Lincoln man myself." ""Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today."" ""The demon of intemperance ever seems to have delighted in sucking the blood of genius and of generosity."" "Springfield, Illinois." "February 22nd, 1842." "Wow." "That is very impressive." " You must be very proud, Mr. Kim." " I am." " Quite a young man." " Thank you." " That was my high-school project." " Yeah?" "Yeah, by pencil." " Oh, my... you did that?" " Mm-hmm." "Wow, that is..." "I thought that was one of the old photographs." "That's unbelievable." "Unbelievable." "Come on, Clinton." "Clinton, I really like your mom." "She's a beautiful, wonderful woman, so I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear a couple things I heard back there." "This is the second person that's accused you of breaking and entering." "We're talking multiple felonies here." "If it happens again, I'm hauling you in." "Got it?" "You're done with this." "Leave it to the authorities." "And I'm not asking." "You're right, Frank, and I appreciate that." "Now that we know each other better and that you're involved with my mom and all," "there's something I think I should tell you." "Come on, come on." "Gotcha." "Bingo." " Can I help you?" " Mrs. Ford." "Are you..." "I need to speak with Ford." "Mrs. Ford is not here right now, and Mr. Ford is not well." "Full disclosure..." "I'm a detective." "I don't want to alarm you, but you're in danger..." "I'm sorry." "Mr. Ford said no visitors." "He's sick, not feeling well?" "I'll come back." "I'm sorry to bother you." "I'll come..." "Oh, no, no, señor!" " Ford?" " No!" "Señor, no, you..." " Ford, where are you?" " You can't go up there, señor!" "Ford." "I have some urgent information..." "Oh, Mr. Ford, I'm sorry." "He wouldn't listen." "He just come in." "Do you want me to take him out?" "Huh?" "No, no, that's fine." "Can I bring you anything?" " Huh?" "Ice cream." " We're out of ice cream, sir." "Okay, bourbon in a pint glass." "Fill it up to the brim." "Uh, wh... what the hell happened to you, Ford?" "Jesus, you look like some kind of transient." "You ever seen "Angel and the Badman"?" "Uh, no, I don't think so." "I've watched it four times." "Today." "And its meaning is becoming more clear to me, watch this." "Look." "Yeah." "Ford, I am here to talk to you about your store." "There is a major theft operation going on." "Now..." "Shh, shh, shh!" "Just watch this." "Watch." "Look." "They cut to him." "He does this thing with his face..." "like that." "Oh... wow." "Okay, look." "Yi Kim is stealing from you." "He's running a huge scam right under your nose." "He's the one who murdered my cat." "What are... what are you..." "You're the kid from the store." "Yeah." "Who'd you think I was?" "What's this?" "A fax, señor, from Mrs. Ford." "And now she's afraid to come in person, huh?" "Damn it!" "Everything?" "I'm not signing this, okay?" "You can tell the Levinson, Levinson, and Rothberg firm that I'll see her in hell before I sign that!" "She's not taking everything from me!" "And where's my bourbon?" "Um, I... you threw it against the wall." " Is that right?" "Is that what I did?" " I..." "Huh?" "You got all the answers now?" "Huh?" "You think that Yi Kim is stealing from Al Ford, is that it?" "Al Ford doesn't get scammed by weirdo stock boys!" "Product photos for resale, you see?" "He's stealing them in surplus crossbow boxes and handing them off, thousands of dollars' worth." "I just don't know who the fence is." "Son of a bitch." " Greta." " What?" "Wait." "Well, she knew, but... but she... she... actually, I don't think she knew." "She's... is everybody in the world trying to fuck me?" "Wait." "Ford!" "Ford, what the hell are you doing?" "Where are you going?" "What are you doing?" "This is my battle, too." "I don't give a shit." "Hey." "We just passed Yi's." "Uh..." "Ford, where are we going?" "What the hell are we doing here?" "Greta!" "Greta!" "Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" "I know exactly what's going on!" "Jeez... hey!" "What... are you deaf?" "Hey!" "You want to hurt me?" "Huh?" "Ford, I'm telling you, it's Yi!" "She's got nothing to do with this." "Greta, I don't know!" "Oh!" "What the hell?" "Huh?" "How about that?" "Ford!" "She... aah!" "Stop it!" "I know exactly what's going on, you crazy bitch!" "Ford!" "Oh, my..." "How about that?" "You want to hurt me?" "I'll hurt you!" "Are you insane?" "I got nothing to do with this." "Ford, I told you, she is innocent!" "You idiot." "She's the fence." "How could you?" "You're the fence?" "Just get out of here, Clinton." "I don't ever want to see you again." "Go!" "Ma, not now." "Okay." "I just want to ask you a question." "Yeah, and I would like the truth." "Um, okay." "Did you tell Frank that I have AIDS?" "Ah!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Well... it was in a certain context." "Mom, what... what are you doing?" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Stop it!" "Stop..." "It was a joke, Ma!" "Hoyle obviously has no sense of humor." "Stop!" "Frank was right." "I have spoiled you." "This is for your own good!" "Hoyle said that?" "You're gonna take his side over your own child?" "Have you noticed that you're a grown man?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." " You're a grown man!" " Ma, you know how much this is worth?" "They're worth nothing!" "Look at this!" " Stop it!" " You've humiliated me!" "Ma, this is an original!" "Ma!" "Go sleep at the bus stop!" "Ma, I'll die out here!" "Ford." "Ford's the fence." "He's stealing from himself." "Ford, I know everything." "No, turn the flashlight off." "Yi?" "Clintonio." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God, Yi." "Did Ford do this to you?" "Clintonio... your pocket." "What the... what the hell is that?" "I..." "I don't under..." "I don't understa..." "Shh." "How... all right." "I'm..." "I'm..." "Yi, I'm calling the police." " Okay?" " Okay." "I... wait." "Okay." "Guys... guys, what's going on?" "Greta bear..." "Greta?" "Where is she?" " She needs you." " Where is she?" "Avignon." "Avignon." "The bar." "The bar." "She's at the bar." "Okay." "All right, he's gonna be okay." "Just call the police." "Ford?" "Yeah, come on out." "You had to have everything, huh?" "You put up your Megastore in our little town and run out all the small businesses, including mine." "And you turned a massive profit." "But that wasn't enough for you." "The palace, the fast cars." "No, you needed another chandelier for your chandelier." "So what did you do?" "You ran a scam from the inside." "And you were sitting pretty until your assistant manager caught wind of it and quit on you." "And then what'd you do?" "You had to shut her up, right?" "You killed her beloved cat with an untraceable crossbow." "You sick bastard." "But you didn't count on that cat having another owner, did you?" "A pinhead." "A loser." "A guy out for the truth." "Well, you want the truth now, Ford?" "You're the loser." ""America's family store"?" "Pathetic." "I may be a loser, but at least I'm not a phony." "It's all over, Ford." "I got all the evidence right here." "Are you... are you crying?" "I'm broke." "I got nothing." "The store has been in the red for months." "Ford's Megastore?" "My wife, she took everything." "I am a phony, kid." "You're right about that." "My whole life's been an act." "I played Biff in the Ohio State production of "Death of a Salesman."" "The "Lantern" said it was an inspired performance." "Theater... that was my dream." "I... one year, I had..." "I had head shots made up." "Look at this." "Right here." "I brought them home." "My dad looked at them, and he just... he just started laughing." "He thought I was joking." "And I was so embarrassed that I didn't know what to do." "So I just..." "I just laughed along with him, you know?" "The irony is, I got stuck with one role for a lifetime... of..." "Al Ford." "And I finally had this... one last chance at happiness." "And... she's in love with somebody else." "Who are you talking about?" " Greta." " Greta?" "What?" "You... and the..." "Oh..." "Greta?" "Hey!" "Greta?" "Hey!" "Clinton?" "Greta." "Oh, my God." "Are you okay?" "I think so." " Oh, God." "Greta." " Oh, God." "Don't move." " Hey!" " Don't do it, Al." "Shut up." "It was you." "You loved that cat more than you loved me." "Come on, Greta." "This... this is crazy." "Look, let's forget about all this." "Let's get out of here, to Brussels." "We can go, like we talked about." "Walks in the Sonian Forest?" "You want me to run away with you?" "You need help, Al." "I need you!" "You killed my cat!" "Ah, God, the cat." "The cat!" "The goddamn cat was a mistake." "Move!" "Just put it down, Al." "Please get out of the way." "You've hurt her enough." "I'm not gonna let you do it." "I'm not moving." "If you want to shoot somebody, you got to shoot me, God damn it." "Agh!" "Oh, my God!" "He actually sh... shot me." "I got you." "Oh, my God, it's..." "yeah, it's starting to hurt." "Agh!" "Stop!" "Enough!" "Please!" "I don't think I can handle another one." "Greta..." "Oh, Greta!" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Al!" "Al!" "Al!" "Wait!" "Don't do it." "No." "No, no, don't, don't!" "It's not worth it!" "Don't do it!" "Plus, I don't even think it'll actually work." "You'll probably just end up deformed." "I got nothing." "Al Ford doesn't." "But maybe you do." "Greta..." "Greta... we did it." " We did it." " Okay." "We did it." "God?" "God?" "Sucks." "Do me a favor, kid." "Take care of my ma." "I'm not gonna make it." "It's just a flesh wound, Clinton." "Well, two flesh wounds." "You're gonna be fine, bud." "I found this." "Ah." "Keep it." "It's yours now." "Hoyle?" "I'll give this collar to you." "Shut up, Clinton." "Let's get this guy to the hospital." "Come on." "Hey." "I know you." "You're Al Ford, the guy in that commercial." "Nah." "Not anymore." "Hey, let me get that for you." "Thank you." "Sure." "You know, I've kind of always wanted a limp." "Well, take it easy, there, Duke." "You're just jealous because I'm a better detective." "You kids ready?" "Come on, shake a leg." "And we're off in a cloud of nuts and bolts." "Can we make a quick stop?" "Hi." "Hi." "Huh?" "Hey, little guy." "What's your name?" "I'm Bartleby." "Bartleby." "So, how's it going, Bartleby?" "Well, you know, same old, same old." "Life behind bars is rough, but..." "I should be up for parole soon." "That's great news, Bart." "So, uh..." "I know I just met you, but..." "I kind of miss you, Bart." "Ditto." "Was that you or Bartleby talking?" "So what are you doing here?" "New job." "I'm the head groomer." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, cutting human hair just felt too easy, you know?" "Cutting fur, that's an art, right?" "Is that your mom with Hoyle?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Can you believe that?" "They're, uh, actually helping me move into my new place." "That's so great." "You're moving up in the world." "I got a new ride." "Cool." "Um..." "Well... it was nice seeing you again." "Hey, do you want to take a ride?" "Don't you have to, um..." "Yeah." "Yeah, of course." "And you're moving, so..." "Which I think he needs." "Clinton?" "Son of a bitch." "Attaboy."