"Fighting the frizzies at 11:00." "?" "We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose?" "?" "And we all know Frosty, who's made out of snow?" "?" "But all of those stories seem kind of gay?" "?" "'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday...?" "?" "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo?" "?" "Small and brown - he comes from you?" "?" "Sit on the toilet, here he comes?" "?" "Squeezin' 'tween your festive buns?" "?" "A present from down below?" "?" "Spreading joy with a howdy-ho?" "?" "He's seen the love inside of you?" "?" "'Cause he's a piece of poo?" "?" "Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny?" "?" "He can be brown or greenish brown?" "Mm-hmm!" "?" "?" "But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve?" "?" "He might come to your town?" "?" "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo?" "?" "He loves me, I love you?" "?" "Therefore, vicariously, he loves you?" "?" "I can make a Mr. Hankey, too?" "Ah-ha!" "?" "I'm Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo?" "?" "Seasons greetings to all of you?" "?" "Let's sing songs and dance and play?" "?" "Now, before I melt away?" "?" "Here's a game I like to play?" "?" "Stick me in your mouth and try to say?" "? "Howdy-ho, ho, yum-yum-yum"?" "?" "Christmastime has come?" "?" "Sometimes he's runny, sometimes he's firm?" "?" "Sometimes he's practically water?" "?" "Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass?" "?" "And won't fall in the toilet?" "?" "'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter?" "?" "And he won't drop off, and so you shake your ass around?" "?" "And try to get it to drop in the toilet?" "?" "And finally it does...?" "?" "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo?" "?" "When Christmas leaves, he must leave, too?" "?" "Flush him down, but he's never gone...?" "?" "His smell and his spirit lingers on.?" "Howdy-ho!" "Howdy-ho, folks." "We're going to do something a little bit different tonight." "Instead of our normal thing, we're just going to sit back and enjoy some holiday songs, and if you don't like it..." "Well, I guess you can suck my tiny little balls." "So let's start off with a festive Hanukkah song sung by my favorite Jewish person in the whole world." "Okay, Ike, you're my little brother, so I have to show you how to celebrate Hanukkah." "This is called a "dreidel. "" "You spin it and see where it lands, and you sing this song:" "?" "I have a little dreidel?" "?" "I made it out of clay?" "?" "And when it's dry and ready?" "?" "With dreidel I shall play?" "?" "Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "?" "I made you out of clay?" "?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "?" "With dreidel I shall play?" "Hey, what the hell are you doing?" "Oh, hey, Cartman." "We're playing dreidel." "You want to try?" "Sure." "?" "Here's a little dreidel?" "?" "That's small and made of clay?" "?" "But I'm not gonna play with it?" "?" "'Cause dreidel's freakin' gay?" "Hey, shut your mouth, fat-ass!" "?" "Jews?" "?" "Play stupid games?" "?" "Jews?" "?" "That's why they're lame?" "?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "?" "Jews?" "I made you out of clay?" "?" "Play stupid games?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "?" "Jews?" "With dreidel I shall play?" "?" "That's why they're lame?" "What's going on?" "Oh, it's that Hanukkah thing." "It's so amazing." "You spin this thing on the ground, and it goes round and round." "I could watch it all day." "Let me try." "?" "I'll try to make it spin?" "?" "It fell, I'll try again?" "?" "Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "I'll try?" "?" "To make it spin?" "I made you out of clay?" "?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "It fell?" "?" "I'll try again?" "With dreidel I shall play?" "?" "Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "I'll try...?" "?" "Jews?" "I made you out of clay?" "?" "Play stupid games?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "?" "Jews?" "With dreidel I shall play?" "?" "That's why they're lame?" "Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "?" "Jews?" "I made you out of clay?" "?" "Play stupid games?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "?" "Jews?" "With dreidel I shall play?" "?" "That's why they're lame.?" "Hello, boys!" "Hi, Mom!" "Oh, how precious!" "You boys are all playing dreidel." "Now, you know that dreidel is a time-honored tradition for the Hebrew people." "Yes, we know, Mrs. Broflovski." "It's so very interesting!" "?" "Now when you want to make the dreidel spin?" "?" "You know our people always win?" "?" "Keep spinning one?" "?" "Jews?" "To make the dreidel spin?" "?" "Play stupid games?" "You know?" "?" "Our people always win?" "Jews?" "?" "That's why they're lame?" "Oh, hi, Dad!" "Hello, everybody!" "Say, can I join in?" "Sure!" "?" "I have a little dreidel?" "?" "I made it out of clay?" "?" "And when it's dry and ready?" "?" "With dreidel, I shall... everybody?" "?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "?" "Courtney, Courtney?" "?" "I made you out of clay?" "I love you?" "?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "You're so hot?" "?" "With dreidel I shall play?" "On that show?" "?" "Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "Courtney, Courtney?" "?" "I made you out of clay?" "I love you?" "?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "You're so hot?" "?" "With dreidel I shall play?" "On that show?" "?" "Courtney Cox?" "?" "I love you?" "?" "You're so hot?" "?" "On that show?" "Dad?" "?" "Courtney Cox?" "Dad?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "We're singing about a dreidel." "Oh, sorry." "We'll talk about this later, Gerald!" "?" "Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "Courtney, Courtney?" "?" "I made you out of clay?" "I love you?" "Play stupid games?" "?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "You're so hot?" "?" "Jews?" "With dreidel I shall play?" "On that show?" "?" "That's why they're lame?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "Courtney, Courtney?" "?" "I made you out of clay?" "I love you?" "Play stupid games?" "?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "?" "Courtney, I love you!" "?" "With dreidel I shall play!" "?" "Jews, Jews, Jews, Jews...!" "?" "Whoo-hoo, golly, that sure was fun!" "But now, for our next song, hold on to your bootstraps, cause we're going to descend down into hell!" "?" "O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum?" "?" "Wie grun sind deine blatter?" "?" "O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum?" "?" "Wie grun sind deine Blatter?" "?" "Du grunst nicht?" "?" "Nur zur sommerzeit?" "?" "Nein, auch im Winter, wenn es schneit?" "?" "O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum?" "?" "Wie grun sind deine Blatter?" "Hey, Hitler... what's the matter, little guy?" "Oh, Satan... der Tannenbaum wie grun sind deine Blatter." "Aw, you don't have a Christmas tree?" "Auch im winter, wenn es schneit!" "Well, I'll tell you what." "Maybe we'll have ourselves a little Christmas right here." "Come on, everyone, gather 'round!" "?" "String up the lights and light up the tree?" "?" "We're gonna make some revelry?" "?" "Spirits are high, so I can tell?" "?" "It's Christmastime in hell?" "?" "Demons are nicer as you pass them by?" "?" "There's lots of demon toys to buy?" "?" "The snow is falling, and all is well?" "?" "It's Christmastime in hell?" "?" "There goes Jeffrey Dahmer with a festive Christmas ham?" "?" "After he has sex with it, he'll eat up all he can?" "?" "And there goes John F. Kennedy, caroling with his son?" "?" "Reunited for the holidays, God bless us, everyone?" "?" "Everybody has a happy glow?" "?" "Let's dance in blood and pretend it's snow?" "?" "Even Mao Tse-Tung is under the spell?" "?" "It's Christmastime in hell?" "Adolph, here's a present for you!" "Oh!" "A Tannenbaum!" "Yes, a Tannenbaum." "?" "God cast me down from heaven's door?" "?" "To rule in hell forevermore?" "?" "But now I'm kind of glad that I fell?" "?" "'Cause it's Christmastime in hell?" "?" "Here's a rack to hang the stockings on?" "?" "We still have to shop for Ghengis Khan?" "?" "Michael Landon's hair looks swell?" "?" "It's Christmastime in hell?" "?" "There's Princess Diana holding burning mistletoe?" "?" "Over poor Gene Siskel's head - just watch his wienie grow?" "?" "For one day, we all stop burning?" "?" "And the flames are not so thick?" "?" "All the screaming and the torture stops?" "?" "As we wait for old St. Nick?" "?" "So string up the lights and light up the tree?" "?" "We're damned for all eternity?" "?" "But for just one day, all is well?" "?" "It's Christmastime in hell?" "?" "Gather close together and make it quick?" "?" "We've got to make room for Andy Dick?" "?" "Wake his mother and ring the bell...?" "?" "It's Christmastime?" "?" "It's Christmastime?" "?" "Christmastime?" "?" "Christmastime?" "?" "Christmastime?" "?" "It's Christmastime?" "Christmastime?" "?" "It's Christmastime in hell.?" "Merry Christmas, movie house!" "Fighting the frizzies at 11:00." "Howdy-ho!" "?" "Uh, hark, hear the bells, sweet silver bells?" "?" "All seem to say ding-dong, 'm-kay?" "?" "Christmas is here bringing good cheer?" "Ding, dong?" "?" "To young and old, meek and the bold?" "Ding, dong?" "?" "Ding-dong, ding-dong, that is their song?" "Ding, dong?" "?" "With joyful ring, all caroling?" "Ding, dong?" "?" "One seems to hear words of good cheer?" "?" "From everywhere filling the air?" "?" "Oh, how they pound, raising the sound?" "?" "O'er hill and dale, telling their tale?" "?" "Gaily they ring while people sing?" "?" "Songs of good cheer, Christmas is here?" "?" "Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas?" "?" "On, on they send, on without end?" "Ding dong?" "?" "Their joyful tone to every home?" "Ding?" "?" "Hark, hear the bells, sweet silver bells?" "Dong?" "?" "All seem to say ding-dong, 'm-kay?" "?" "On, on they send, on without end?" "Ding?" "?" "Their joyful tone to every home?" "?" "Ding-dong, ding-dong?" "?" "'M-kay!" "'M-kay!" "'M-kay!" "'M-kay!" "?" "'M-kay!" "Well, that was a nice little song, wasn't it?" "But let's not forget that for some people," "Christmas is about the birth of Jesus." "So now, here's a more serious Christmas song sung by Eric Cartman." "And... ?" "O holy night?" "?" "The stars are brightly shining?" "?" "It is the night of our dear Savior's?" "B- b-birth...?" "?" "O holy night?" "?" "The..." "something-something... thing...?" "?" "It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie?" "?" "Jesus was born, and so I get presents?" "?" "Thank you, Jesus, for being born?" "?" "Oh...?" "?" "Fall?" "Fall?" "?" "On your knees?" "?" "On your knees?" "?" "And hear...?" "?" "Can't you hear?" "?" "The angels'...?" "?" "Something?" "?" "Voices?" "?" "O, night...?" "?" "O, night?" "?" "Divine?" "?" "Divine?" "?" "O, night?" "?" "When I get presents?" "?" "Oh, oh, oh?" "?" "O, night...?" "?" "O, night?" "?" "Divine?" "?" "O, night...?" "?" "Ooh?" "?" "O, night divine!" "?" "Ah." "Oh, boy, that was a super song!" "And now, let's hear from the school teacher," "Mr. Garrison." "Okay, children, let's take our seats." "Today we're gonna learn how different cultures around the world celebrate the holiday season." "Now, pay attention." "?" "I heard there is no Christmas?" "?" "In the silly Middle East?" "?" "No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus?" "?" "They have different religious beliefs?" "?" "They believe in Mohammed and not in our holiday?" "?" "And so every December?" "?" "I go to the Middle East and say...?" "?" "Hey, there, Mr. Muslim, merry Christmas?" "?" "Put down that book, theKoran?" "?" "And hear some holiday wishes?" "?" "In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus's birthday?" "?" "So get off your heathen Muslim ass?" "?" "And celebrate?" "?" "There is no holiday season in India, I've heard?" "?" "They don't hang up their stockings?" "?" "And that is just absurd?" "?" "They never read a Christmas story?" "?" "They don't know what Rudolph is about?" "?" "And that is why in December, I'll go to India and shout...?" "?" "Hey, there, Mr. Hinduist, merry Christmas?" "?" "Drink eggnog and eat some beef?" "?" "And pass it to the missus?" "?" "In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus's birthday?" "?" "So get off your heathen Hindu ass?" "?" "And celebrate?" "?" "Now, I heard that in Japan, everyone just lives in sin?" "?" "They pray to several gods and put needles in their skin?" "?" "On December 25th, all they do is eat a cake?" "?" "And that is why I go to Japan and walk around and pray...?" "?" "Hey, there, Mr. Shintoist, merry Christmas?" "?" "God is gonna kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum?" "?" "In case you haven't noticed, there's festive things to do?" "?" "So let's all rejoice for Jesus?" "?" "Merry Christmas to you?" "?" "On Christmas day?" "?" "I travel around the world and say...?" "?" "Taoist, Krishnas, Buddhists and all you atheists, too?" "?" "Merry Christmas?" "?" "To you.?" "Thank you, Mr. Hat." "Frizzies at 11:00." "Howdy-ho!" "?" "I saw three ships come sailing in?" "?" "On Christmas day, on Christmas day?" "?" "I saw three ships come sailing in?" "?" "On Christmas day in the morning?" "?" "And what was in those ships, all three?" "?" "On Christmas day, on Christmas day, and what...?" "Shut up, turds!" "?" "... was in those ships, all three?" "?" "On Christmas day, in the morning?" "?" "The Virgin Mary and Christ were there?" "?" "On Christmas day, on Christmas day?" "?" "The Virgin Mary and...?" "Shut up, turds!" "?" "And Christ were there?" "?" "On Christmas day, in the morning?" "?" "Let us all rejoice, amen?" "?" "On Christmas day, on Christmas day?" "I told you to shut up!" "?" "..." "Us all rejoice, amen?" "?" "On Christmas day, in the morning?" "?" "Shelly is starting to get pissed?" "?" "On Christmas day, on Christmas day?" "?" "Shelly got up and killed the turds?" "?" "On Christmas day, in the morning!" "?" "Golly, that sure was swell." "I'd say my Christmas special is going super fantastic!" "But now it's time to hear from perhaps the two most important people of the whole season." "Hello, everyone, and welcome to McKennicks." "Now please put your hands together and welcome" "St. Nicholas and Jesus Christ!" "Hello, everybody!" "How are y'all doing tonight?" "You know, Jesus, there've been so many wonderful songs written about us over the years." "That's right, Santa, and we love each and every one of them." "Like this one." "?" "Joy to the world for I have come?" "?" "Let earth receive...?" "?" "Me?" "?" "Let every heart?" "?" "Prepare me room?" "?" "And heaven and nature sing?" "?" "And heaven?" "?" "And heaven and nature sing.?" "You know, Jesus, that is a nice song." "But I like this one." "?" "Up on the house top reindeer pause?" "?" "Out jumps good old me?" "?" "Down through the chimney with lots of toys?" "?" "All for the little ones' Christmas joys?" "?" "Ho-ho-ho, who wouldn't go?" "?" "Up on the housetop, click-click-click?" "?" "Down through the chimney with good old me.?" "Get away!" "Go away?" "Get away!" "Where away?" "?" "Away in the manger?" "?" "No crib for my bed?" "?" "That's where cute little old me?" "?" "Laid down my sweet head?" "?" "The stars in the sky?" "?" "Looked down where I lay?" "?" "Cute little eight-pound me asleep in the hay.?" "?" "O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant?" "?" "O come ye to Bethlehem to see... me?" "Here's one... ?" "Hark, the herald angels sing?" "?" "Glory to me...?" "It's my turn!" "?" "Silent night, holy night?" "?" "All is calm, all is bright?" "?" "Round yon virgin, mother and me?" "St. Nichol..." "I can't think of one." "?" "Holy me, tender and mild?" "?" "Sleep in heavenly peace?" "?" "Sleep in heavenly peace.?" "Okay, Jesus, here's one you might remember... ?" "Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand?" "?" "Just like that river twisting through the dusty land?" "Santa, Santa, Santa..." "that's not a Christmas song..." "I know, but there's, like, 300 Jesus Christmas songs and only four Santa ones." "It's not fair, just do it yourself." "I'm leaving!" "Aw, come on, Santa, you can't leave!" "Aw, you, Jesus." "But, Santa... ?" "The weather outside is frightful?" "Aw... ?" "But the fire is so delightful?" "?" "Well, since I've no place to go?" "?" "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow?" "?" "It doesn't show signs of stopping?" "?" "But I bought some corn for poopity-popping?" "?" "The lights are turned way down low, so?" "?" "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow?" "?" "The fire is slowly dying?" "?" "And, my dear, we're still good-bye-be-bying?" "?" "But as long as you love me so?" "?" "Let it snow?" "?" "Let it sno-ooow...?" "?" "Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand.?" "Fighting frizzies at 11:00!" "Howdy-ho!" "Well, I guess that's about the end of my Christmas album." "Gosh, it was sure nice hanging out with y'all again." "And I guess if there's just one thing I have left to say, it would be this" "?" "Have yourself a merry little Christmas?" "?" "Make the Yuletide gay?" "?" "From now on, our troubles will be miles away?" "?" "Here we are as in olden days?" "?" "Happy golden days of yore?" "?" "Faithful friends who are dear to us?" "?" "Gather near to us once more?" "?" "Through the years, we all will be together?" "?" "If the fates allow?" "?" "Hang a shining star upon the highest bough?" "?" "And have yourself a merry little Christmas?" "?" "Now...?" "Time to go, Mr. Hankey." "Goodbye, everybody!" "And merry Christmas!" "Goodbye, Mr. Hankey!" "See ya next year!" "And now, fighting the frizzies." "?" "Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "Courtney, Courtney?" "?" "I made you out of clay?" "I love you?" "Play stupid games?" "?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "You're so hot?" "?" "Jews?" "With dreidel I shall play?" "On that show?" "?" "That's why they're lame?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "Courtney, Courtney?" "?" "I made you out of clay?" "I love you?" "Play stupid games?" "?" "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel?" "?" "Courtney, I love you!" "?" "With dreidel I shall play!" "?" "Jews, Jews, Jews, Jews...?" "Kick my ass, come on!"