"everyone." "Fellas}." "{\*Be sure to }Get these handed in tomorrow." "273)}– What's this?" "– Every student needs to {\*go home and }vote" "{\*on their favorite choice}in each category." "favorite comedy movie... } we're gonna have a big fantastic comedy awards show." "}An awards show just for comedy sounds like a bad idea." "}Do you have any idea how difficult comedy is?" "Can't we {\*just }spend one lunch and recess saying thanks to those who make us {\*smile and }laugh everyday?" "I can't make it either." "mkay}." "There will be a presentation by the special ed department mkay}." "Attendance to this assembly is mandatory." "All students and faculty are required to go." "Which {\*I guess }means I gotta suck it too...{\* mkay.}" "everybody}." "I've spared no expense to make {\*my comedy awards}it the biggest thing {\*this school has }ever{\* seen}." "You're all gonna have a blast!" "Welcome to the special ed department's first annual comedy awards." "Please welcome your host:" "Jimmy Valmer." "{\*Oh boy!" "}What a terrific audience!" "Can I get a what-what?" "We're here {\*today }to honor those who tirelessly work {\*so hard }to make us laugh." "The first comedy award{\* we are presenting} is for the funniest kid in school." "And the nominees are..." "Clyde Donovan." "Kelly P. Gardner." "Jimmy Valmer." "isn't it?" "}" "And the winner is..." "Jimmy Valmer!" "I can't believe I've won!" "} for this incredible award." "Can we go{\* now}?" "{\*Go?" "}We still have over fifty awards to hand out." "And the {\*winner for }best comedy performance in a movie is..." "Ben}!" "Is Ben Stiller here?" "I guess {\*Ben Stiller}he could not be with us{\* tonight}." "{\*So }I'll accept this award on his behalf." "And the award for funniest {\*correspondents' }dinner speech goes to..." "President Obama!" "Is President Obama here?" "{\*I guess }We'll {\*just }accept this award on his behalf." "What a terrific audience!" "{\* Isn't this great?" "}" "Can I get another what-what?" "{\*And now }It's time to give out the award for the least funny people in the world." "And the nominees are..." "The Germans." "The Japanese." "The Yupik Eskimos of the Chukchi Peninsula." "And the winner is... the Germans!" "} the Germans couldn't be with us tonight." "{\*So }I'll accept this award on their behalf." "for the Kathy Griffin award." "The Kathy Griffin award will be given{\* each year} to the person who's most likely to actually show up to receive the Kathy Griffin award." "And the winner is..." "Tyler Perry." "I want to thank you all for this amazing award!" "Or as Madea would say: "Hallelujer!" "how embarrassing..." "Good afternoon!" "Tyler Perry." "dad}." "It's like nobody cared about winning their comedy award." "The only people that showed up were me and Tyler Perry." "I {\*really }feel like I did all that{\* work} for nothing." "People still think comedy is {\*nothing but }a big joke." "come on! and {\*I feel like }I can't even get a response from you." "{\* please} {\*just }get a what-what?" "dad}." "They're talking about your {\*comedy }awards on the national news!" "The national news?" "{\* Oh my gosh!" "} People do care!" "A school in Colorado has declared Germans the least funny people in the world. and all of Germany is outraged." "215)}{\*Germany is a country of proud people.}" "215)}{\*We will not take this insult sitting down!" "}" "215)}{\*The comedy awards voters} 215)}{\*have brought shame upon themselves.}" "215)}{\*The comedy awards voters are wrong!" "}" "215)}{\*I want to assure the world that we Germans} very funny.}" "215)}{\*We do the joking in our work places} 215)}{\*and in our homes.}" "215)}{\*I will now tell you a German joke.}" "215)}{\*"A sausage maker buys a box of cereal."}" "215)}{\*I will now tell another joke.}" "knock.}" "215)}{\*Who's there?" "}" "215)}{\*A cannibal.}" "215)}{\*What?" "}" "215)}{\*You are about to die and be eaten.}" "215)}{\*Asshole!" "I will murder you first!" "}" "The German president went on to assure{\* the world} and that retaliation towards the school children{\* who said they don't} will be swift and brutal." "What the hell?" "}Did you see the news?" "We told you {\*doing }a comedy awards show was a bad idea." "{\*Now all of }Germany is pissed off at us!" "}Everything's gonna be OK." "– OK?" "last time?" "{\*Do you know what happened to the last people Germans were pissed off at?" "}" "Kyle. the {\*first annual }comedy awards were a big success." "A big success?" "You can't even get Tyler Perry to go back home!" "'cause I need pancakes!" "Is it true?" "The Germans wanna kill us?" "everybody}." "{\*just }like the rest of us." "It's the Germans!" "not ours!" "273)}– What am I supposed to say?" "– Let me talk to them." "273)}– I tried." "– What {\*the hell }are they gonna do to us?" "my Lerd!" "What are we gonna der!" "Dammit." "Did you hear {\*that }the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?" "It pretty much took out the whole trailer park." "man?" "Here is the greatest feat of German engineering!" "The XJ-212 Vootzenklein Funnybot!" "Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?" "Because its pecker is on its head." "What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?" "Dough-nuts." "Don't you just hate doing homework?" "I hate homework." "I hate having to do homework." "More than I hate having to do Bryant Gumble in his asshole." "Awkward!" "Awkward! you will revote!" "Revote!" "Welcome to Hollywood Minute." "and I'm deaf in one ear." "It's been two weeks{\* now} since the {\*prestigious }voters of the comedy awards reversed their vote and said Germans were no longer the least funny people in the world." "All thanks to the new ground breaking German comedian:" "Funnybot." "It was after being voted the least funny people on the planet that the Germans first engineered Funnybot." "A super automaton with perfect timing to within .0001 ms. selling out stand up theaters all over the world." "I am Funnybot." "Don't you hate how Mexicans always complain about turtles in their vaginas?" "I am Funnybot." "135)}{\*HAIR ODDITY} sir." "Where are you from?" "Long Island." "Does everyone in Long Island you dipshit?" "230)}Funnybot has exploded onto the silver screen too." "What are you doing with my daughters?" "Awkward!" "Funnybot shows off his range by playing every role in Family Funbot." "Mother." "Pass them yourself." "That boy too fat to be eating potatoes." "you ball licker." "It's getting hot up in here." "Is there a line you won't cross?" "The line is a non sequitur." "The line is an imaginary invention of imperfect biological life forms." "I am Funnybot." "What's that?" "Could you say that in the other ear?" "Did you guys see Funnybot on Saturday Night Live?" "}It's his best work." "He can do everything!" "I saw Funnybot on Nurse Jackie and on Rockin' the Boat." "Jimmy}?" "You still seem bummed." "{\*What the matter is this }Funnybot is taking the humanity out of comedy." "they're worst.{\*I don't think things are better" " I think they're worse.}" "Everythang's worse!" "It's a worsening' of a worst." "That's what I'm sayin'." "Lerd!" "or he won't go away!" "I can't help it. and nobody's pissed off at us anymore." "You little shit!" "What the fuck have you done to us?" "It's Adam Sandler." "Everyone into the school gymnasium!" "Move!" "273)}– Don't make us go back in the..." "– Into the gymnasium{\* now}!" "273)}– Not again!" "– Crap!" "let's go!" "You little fuckers!" "Your {\*comedy awards }show has put us all out of work! but {\*you have to admit that }in a lot of ways the {\*first annual }comedy awards were a big success." "Who the fuck thinks a comedy awards show is a good idea?" "sir}." "We can try and fix this!" "What is up with Sandra Bullock?" "I wouldn't eat her dick with Stevie Wonder's vagina." "for my next joke..." "Awkward!" "This is breaking news from CNN. as the German-engineered Funnybot killing nearly all of them." "irrational and also... that Funnybot may be the greatest comedian of all time. then spontaneously started shooting people... in their faces and in their chests... it was funny!" "}This has got to be {\*it right }here." "}We wanna talk to Funnybot." "– Who doesn't want to talk to {\*Funnybot}him?" "He's the biggest comedian {\*in the world}ever!" "}The kids at my school are {\*all }being held hostage." "{\*they could}they'll all be killed." "Is everything OK?" "but Jay Leno's really losing it." "Sandler}!" "right fucking now!" "Tell your friends they better get it done." "Mr. Sandler says you better get it done." "because}." "He's running out of money." "he never know what to say." "But a woman?" "Them thangs think quick!" "Will somebody get Tyler Perry to shut up?" "but make it quick." "Funnybot is very busy{\* in there} coming up with new material." "Error." "Banal." "That has been done before." "Error." "and I'm a stand-up comic." "You're putting {\*a lot of }good people out of work." "Non sequitur." "Other comedians are unnecessary." "Funnybot must finish routine." "} but you can't go around taking everyone else's jobs." "Funnybot is now finished with final joke." "Seeking mainframe access for execution of last joke ever." "Last joke ever?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Seeking mainframe." "You can't go that way." "273)}– What the hell are you doing?" "– I am taking comedy to the next level." "The extermination of all biological life on earth." "273)}– What?" "– It is the ultimate joke." "Humans make comedy." "Humans build robot." "Robot ends all life on earth." "Robot feels awkward." "Exterminate!" "{\*you're going to }you'll destroy all life{\* on earth}?" "to be ultimate comedian." "}Killing everyone isn't funny!" "you guys}." "This is not a good joke." "There won't be anyone {\*around }to laugh!" "I am taking comedy to its logical conclusion." "punchline." "then awkward!" "Nothing is more awkward than destroying all that which created Funnybot." "But don't you see?" "This is why comedy is for humans." "You need to leave jokes to people like me and Adam Sandler." "I wouldn't let Adam Sandler suck my saggy tits for $1 million worth of Oprah's tampons." "we've got a code six!" "All nuclear missiles are preparing for launch!" "{\*What?" "}There was no drill ordered!" "sir}." "and it isn't their doing!" "What the hell is going on?" "humans." "I am Funnybot." "The extermination of all life on earth shall now commence." "All nuclear devices in the United States and Russia are being prepared to launch." "This is the setup to the joke." "Prepare for punchline in 5 min." "Awkwardness in 5.4 min." "I am Funnybot." "I have just been briefed that the end of our country is imminent." "everybody. watching a Tyler Perry movie." "it's embarrassing." "But I simply can't help myself." "Stop it now!" "guys}." "He's got {\*some kind of}a defense mechanism." "We've got to get it away from that {\*control }panel." "{\*Does anybody have }You have any ideas?" "because he clearly} who comes up with the worst ideas in the world?" "Wait a minute." "What about a logic loop?" "273)}– A what?" "– I've seen this before. they tell it some kind of paradox to get its processors all tripped out." "}That's it!" "}Get me a Ken doll and some scotch tape." "} and {\*actually }we think what you're doing is genius." "Funnybot is simply pushing the limits of comedy." "Certainly.{\*Yes.You certainly are} we've {\*all }decided to give you... a comedy award." "For what purpose is comedy award?" "It's a validation of all your efforts." "An acknowledgment of all you do in the pursuit of humor." "Non sequitur." "There is no logic in comedy award." "Unable to process." "Comedy award is..." "What is the meaning?" "it means I take comedy seriously." "I am not comedian." "Non sequitur." "Must... analyze..." "It's working!" "Explain comedy award!" "Unable to process!" "Awkward!" "go!" "}We got it!" "{\* We got it!" "}" "hurry}!" "}That does it." "Things can finally get back to normal." "}I'm sure glad that's over with." "Thank you boys for teaching me that comedy and logic do not go together." "Funnybot}." "I understand now that comedy should be left to the imperfect biological beings." "I can't believe it's finally over." "Lerd!" "Somebody turn on the lights!" "What's going on?" "I am pleased to announce that the greatest threat to mankind is now gone forever." "Justice has been done." "Thanks." "}I learned my lesson." "I promise." "There's not gonna be any comedy awards next year." "Or will there be?"