"Since 1970, the federal witness protection program has relocated thousands of witnesses, some criminal, some not, to neighborhoods all across the country." "Every one of those individuals shares a unique attribute, distinguishing them from the rest of the general population." "And that is... somebody wants them dead." "Have any tattoos?" "You'll have to look and see." "Oh, my." "Keep going." "There's more." "We should be partners." "I have enough partners." "I don't think your partner would be happy with me raiding her hen house." "Who are your partners?" "Why haven't I ever seen them?" "Washington, DC." "Secret service." "Hey, Stan." "It's Marshall again." "Uh, okay." "Well, call us." "We're getting a little bit... worried." "I won't be baited into this conversation." "Baiting?" "I'm amusing." "The verb." "Not the adjective." "Thanks for clearing that up." "Either way, I'm not giving you the name of the first girl I had sex with." "Why?" "Is it because you're a virgin?" "No, because you'll track her down, call her up, and make her tell you all about it." "So?" "I told you mine." "Neil Armstrong was not your first." "Technically, no, but who can ever remember that other guy's name?" "Do you even care that Stan is two hours late for work and unreachable?" "Of course I care." "This is how I cope." "Come on." "You know I won't stop until I get what I want." "Oh, God." "Fine." "Katinka Magnusdottir." "Tenth grade foreign exchange student from Iceland." "Katinka?" "Excellent." "Tell her I said hi." "How do you spell "Magnusdottir"?" "The usual way." "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph." "There's, like, a thousand K. Magnusdottirs." "I swear to God, if that's not her real name..." "We'll then brief you on all Witsec policies, okay?" "This way here.Thanks, guys." "I'll take it from here." "Morning, people." "Morning." "Morning." "I think I made a terrible mistake." "I shouldn't have called the secret service." "I want to go back." "It's okay." "Come on." "Step inside here." "God." "What have I done?" "I should have killed myself." "Try to relax." "Keep going." "Who is she and where have you been?" "And since when do you escort witnesses?" "If she even is a witness." "Is she a witness?" "I'm sorry." "Who are we talking about?" "Fine." "Don't tell us." "We don't care." "Do we, Marshall?" "Actually, I care a little." "Okay, you brought it out of me." "So last night I get a call from HQ saying there's a private jet waiting at the airport." "Next thing I know I'm flying to a secret location to pick up... and why does she raidall the tinker tailor?" "She's a counterfeiter extraordinaire named Helen Trask, who's been printing technically perfect $100 bills." "That is right up until she walked in on her girlfriend in flagrante with one of her North Korean business partners." "In response to it, she turns herself and the North Korean over to the secret service." "She was in business with North Koreans?" "So say the treasury department, who claim to have proof positive." "Yeah, where have we heard that before?" "However the second the guy was in custody, he flashed diplomatic credentials." "The state department swooped in and sent him packing to Pyong Yang, or so they say." "North Korea claims no such person exists, nor any involvement in counterfeiting." "Well, of course that's what they're gonna say." "Yes, except a Washington newspaper investigated the whole affair, and came to the conclusion the CIA was more likely producing the fakes to subsidize covert ops under the radar of congressional oversight." "So the secret service broke up a CIA counterfeiting ring?" "Maybe." "Let me guess." "The CIA also claims no knowledge of the matter?" "Naturally." "And to make things even more interesting, Helen thought her partner, the guy she caught Schtuppingher girlfriend was a Chinese gangster." "So we're hiding our witness from the CIA?" "Or North Korea, or the Chinese mob, or who knows." "In any case, the FBI and Interpol both reported internet chatter among terrorist groups about an eight-figure bounty for the whereabouts of little miss sunshine." "What about the girlfriend?" "It's a woman Helen met in prison named Anh Li." "Secret service investigated and determined she had nothing to do with the counterfeiting." "She was released shortly after Helen entered the program." "It's all yours." "I got a meeting." "Good luck." "Call me if you need anything." "I don't suppose you got a number to call about that bounty." "Oh, man." "Man." "Sorry." "We're normally more up to speed on these things, but you sort of dropped in unexpected." "Oh, my..." "Holy..." "I know." "I mean, look at her." "I must be insane." "She is ridiculously hot." "Please, I..." "I want to deal with her." "I... so what if she wants to be with a man every now and then." "I mean, who... who am I to judge her for that?" "I mean, surely... surely you understand." "What?" "No." "I don't." "Why would you say that?" "Can't you just bring her here?" "Please?" "I can't live without her." "And you can't live with her." "There is a $10 million bounty out on you, and you can be certain that any attempt to contact Anh Li or anyone else from your past will get you dead." "Do you understand?" "I don't care." "Without her, I have nothing." "I'm nothing." "Aye-yi-yi." "Look, Helen, no one is gonna argue your point." "Your Anh Li is smoking hot, but the woman is a multiple felon." "Aggravated assault." "Manslaughter." "Armed robbery." "She's clinically diagnosed with an anti-social personality disorder, and you caught her screwing your business partner." "Technically, she wasn't screwing." "She is a cheating, lying, violent, anti-social sociopath." "Is that really the kind of person you want to hang your future on?" "I could do worse." "Okay." "Jesus, Raph." "What the hell are you doing?" "I'm sorry." "Just looked so pretty on your hand." "Only thing that's pretty on these hands are oven mitts." "Why are you dressed already?" "It's moving day, remember?" "Oh, God.You sure this is what you want to do?" "You me, Brandi, and Jinx?" "It'll be fun." "You'll see." "So who are you hiding today?" "Some mafia hit man?" "Please." "Don't do that." "What did I do?" "Ask questions about my job." "It was a joke." "You can't make jokes." "Please, Raph, I told you what I do so you understand why I can't talk about it." "I'm sure that makes sense to you." "Is it okay if I take a drawer and the dresser?" "Yeah." "Take it back to your place." "That would be funny if I thought you were joking." "Sorry." "Just a lot of change all at once." "Yeah." "I appreciate how hard you're trying to deal with it." "I do." "Hi, is Mary here?" "Mary, you got company." "Chico." "Come on." "Move your ass." "Why are you dressed like Bob the builder?" "It's moving day." "I'm helping Chico." "Dershowitz, what are you doing here?" "Hello to you too." "Aw, jeez." "You must want something." "You are so mistrusting." "I brought you coffee." "So I see you decided to keep the FBI remodel." "Thanks for the coffee, but I got to get to work, so unless there's something else?" "Well, as a matter of fact, a set of prints that we lifted from a murder scene got kicked back from Afis as an official no reply." "Thank God." "I was afraid you came here just to bring me coffee." "So young, and yet so tragically cynical." "Yeah, yeah." "So what do you want?" "Well, it occurred to me maybe you could run the prints, see if they belong to any of your people." "Maybe they belong to someone who's not in the system." "In that case, Afis would have said, "not in the system."" "An official no reply means info about this person has been blocked from blue-collar law men such as myself." "Poor you." "So you'll check it out, get back to me?" "Yeah, fine." "When I get to work." "Much appreciated." "Hey, how do you know how I like my coffee?" "I'm a Detective." "It's my job to know things." "Walking a fine line between cute and creepy, detective." "Ciao, mamacita." "See you, Dershowitz." "Can't even say goodbye like a normal person." "Yeah, what's up?" "You know your witness Helen Traylen, the counterfeiter?" "Let me guess." "Her prints showed up at a murder scene." "Yeah, how'd you know?" "I'm a Witsec inspector." "It's my job to know things." "Accordingto the director's office, the threat to Helen remains unabated, along with the eight-figure bounty." "Of course, at this point, the threat and the bounty are a bit like cook's treasure, since no one can pin down exactly from whence they originate." ""From whence"?" "This needs another coat." "Oh, okay." "I'll recon nolter whilst you interrogate." "Whence?" "Whilst?" "What the hell have you been reading?" "How to speak like an Elizabethan." "That's good." "Hey, stranger." "Mary, hi." "Wh... what brings you?" "You know, just... just in the neighborhood." "How's it going?" "It's great." "Everything's great." "Good." "Listen, sweetie, we're all done here." "I'm gonna go over there if you need anything, okay?" "So you were just in the neighborhood and dropped by?" "Yeah, pretty much." "Yeah?" "Hadn't seen you in a while." "Yeah." "Just checking in." "How's the new job?" "The new life?" "Anything new to report?" "Like why your fingerprints showed up at the scene of a murder?" "What?" "Where?" "Who... who got killed?" "A woman named Carolyn Straub." "Oh... oh, no." "No!" "No." "Take it you knew her." "Take a minute to compose yourself, and then you need to explain why your prints were in her house." "I was... was there night before last." "And we, uh, we ate something, watched tv and..." "I left about 9:30." "You can ask her daughter Maggie." "Oh, my God." "Poor Maggie." "How did you know her?" "She came in here one day with Maggie." "We just talked, and then... and... and we connected." "As in connected?" "Just connected like friends." "Just good friends." "Carolyn was going through a really hard time in her life." "One of those late-life, can't-keep-it- bottled-up-anymore kind of things, and I understood what she was going through." "When was this?" "Um... about four months ago." "Okay." "How did she..." "Someone fractured her skull." "Which brings me to where were you last night between 11:00 and 1:00?" "Pagoda." "It's a bar." "Up..." "I know what it is." "Was Carolyn there too?" "Yeah, for a while." "She left early." "All right." "It's all right." "Listen to me." "Can you think of anything or anyone who might help us find who killed your friend?" "Well, Carolyn's ex, Alex." "She came out a few months earlier and left him, and he was really pissed about it." "Imagine that." "Okay." "Okay, for the time being, just stick to your normal routine." "I'll do my best to keep you out of the police investigation." "I really appreciate it." "Okay." "Hey, special Ed, let's go." "Vous dites s'il vous plait." "Very well, good fellow." "So?" "She was friends with the vic." "Seemed pretty shaken up by the news." "Has an alibi for the time of death." "Can we check the alibi?" "It's a little early for Pagoda." "Let's have breakfast first." "Pagoda?" "Yeah, it's a..." "I know what it is." "I'll have the oatmeal with skim, sliced banana, and do you have craisins?" "No." "What's with the attitude?" "Is that how you let people know you're way cooler than serving breakfast in a crappy cafe makes you seem?" "I mean... pssh." "Regular raisins will be fine." "How's the hobo platter?" "Good?" "All right." "Let's do the hobo." "Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, try keeping the spitting in my food down to a minimum." "Come on." "You know they do." "What?" "God." "Why is there a tan line on your finger?" "What?" "Where?" "I don't see anything." "Crazy." "Right there." "Fourth finger." "Left hand." "Like from a ring." "But you don't wear a ring." "Let go." "Fine." "It's from a ring." "An engagement ring." "Raph and I are engaged." "There." "I said it." "You happy?" "Are you?" "Yeah, of course I'm happy." "Why wouldn't I be?" "Because you almost never are." "So how come you didn't tell me?" "Because I didn't want to have a moment like this?" "Makes sense." "Put it on." "Let me see." "No way." "It's beautiful." "Yeah." "So aren't you gonna congratulate me?" "Congratulations." "Thanks." "Don't worry about it." "We'll get it off when we get to the office." "I'm Ringo." "What?" "The beatles' movie help, Ringo gets a ringstuck on his finger." "How did I become Ringo?" "Son of a bitch." "Goodness gracious." "Has my mystery fingerprint summoned God's own crime-fighting angels?" "How we haven't hooked up is one of the great mysteries of our time." "Yeah, right?" "I assume by your presence, Helen's one of yours." "Well, if she were, I wouldn't be overjoyed by the public announcement." "I know the prints didn't bring you here." "No." "So how did you..." "Dead lady's ex said I should talk to her." "Said that she exerted an undo influence on his late wife." "You sure the husband isn't just an ex with an axe to grind?" "Oh, he's definitely got an axe." "Eight years into the marriage wife decides she's gay, moves out, taking their daughter with her." "I could see where that might cause some friction." "He says Traylen "instigated"... his word... her lesbian metamorphosis, driving a wedge between them, and short-circuiting any hope of a amicable disillusion." "The old sapphic fly in the connubial ointment." "That came out a lot dirtier than I thought it would." "So can I see if she answered all questions to your satisfaction?" "Can I assume that she'll be available for further questioning?" "Just let us know." "Good." "Thanks for your help." "Will all these boxes, I was worried that magazine wouldn't get read today." "I helped you at your place all morning." "I'm taking a break now." "You drank coffee and read my magazines." "I was helping you decide what to keep and what to get rid of." "So I guess we're roommates now." "No." "We're about to be family." "Am I the little sister you never had?" "I have three sisters." "All little." "So are you freaking out a little about us living under the same roof?" "No, of course not." "Why would I be freaking?" "Because we kind of had a past, and we almost had a thing, and now we're gonna beliving under the same roof, and I'll admit that that's a little weird, but I'm with Peter and you're with Mary," "and it doesn't have to be a big deal." "So let's just talk it out, get over it, and get on with our lives." "Okay." "Let's talk." "We don't need to talk." "Nah." "So what's the story with the witness?" "It's a tale as old as time." "Boy meets girl." "Girl meets girl." "Girl leaves boy for girl." "Boy crushes girl's skull with a $3 length of pipe." "That's a sad story." "Helen had a perfectly good explanation why her prints showed up at the murder scene." "She and the victim were friends." "Still got him on a threat assessment." "Already on it." "Tell you what, I'll check her local contacts." "You run the counterfeiter angle." "Done and done." "Hey, what... what is that?" "Um, it's... it's an engagement ring." "It got stuck on my finger." "You two... oh, my God." "What?" "No." "Stan..." "Dan... ch... chief." "Come... come here." "What?" "Stop." "No, not us." "No, Raphael my boyfriend and I are engaged." "Not me and Marshall, you nitwit." "You're engaged?" "Oh, my God." "That's... that's..." "Yes." "Finally happened for you." "What?" "Let me see." "It's beautiful." "Very classic." "You must be so happy." "This is unbelievable." "When?" "Yeah, how'd he ask?" "Baked it in a cupcake a few months ago." "I threw it in his face." "How romantic." "I don't suppose you have any lotion." "Oh, you poor thing." "Look how swollen that finger is." "Gangrenous." "No, not quite, but that little piggy's way past lotion." "Fire department could cut it off." "I hope you're talking about his finger." "I got a meeting." "Congratulations, kiddo." "We'll celebrate later." "How about we don't?" "You know, I can get that off." "No thanks." "I got it under control." "Okay." "Carolyn Straub, professor of graphic arts." "Specialty in intaglio engraving and typographic printing processes." "So your counterfeiter witness' murdered friend turns out to be the one lesbian in Albuquerque with access to everything necessary to literally print money." "What are the odds?" "So what's the move?" "I say we check her alibi first." "You know, see what else she might be lying about." "You want to go to the lesbian bar?" "Oh, Pagoda?" "Yes, please." "You know there's nothing there for you." "So?" "What's the deal with that?" "You were married." "I have no idea." "My John was always trying to get me to go to a strip club, get a lap dance." "All right, Pagoda it is, but I do all the talking." "Don't worry." "They won't bite." "You, anyway." "Hi, folks." "What can I do you for?" "I need a ginger ale." "Sure." "How about you?" "Can I get a club soda, lots of ice please?" "So we don't get a lot of cops in here." "Is this official business or are you taking him on a field trip?" "A little bit of both." "Did you make us that quick?" "Well, you not so much." "But you're nothing but a law man from head to toe." "I take that as a compliment." "I meant it as one." "Anyway, you know a girl named Helen Traylen?" "Sure." "Everyone knows Helen." "Meaning?" "She's popular." "You can't get much closer than a drink or a dance, but we all like watching her dance." "Were you watching her on Wednesday?" "Yeah." "She was here." "Between 11:00 and 1:00?" "Yeah." "Yeah, she was in here with that newbie, Carol, I think?" "Did they leave together?" "I wasn't watching the door, but I doubt it." "They got in some kind of argument early in the night." "All right." "Thanks." "Come back some time when you're not working." "Oh, I'm in a relationship." "So am I, sheriff." "Helen, it's Mary." "If you're there, open up!" "Security detail didn't see her leave." "How do you want to do this?" "Neat or messy?" "Whatever's fastest." "You got it." "Clear." "Clear." "Clear." "No signs of struggle or forced entry." "Except for us, that is." "Think she slipped out on her own?" "As opposed to spirited away by fairies?" "Guess we can rule out a quick trip to the store." "Darryl Preston." "Age 46." "He's local." "He may be a friend who lost his license here." "Anything's possible." "Let's see." "According to ABQ police, Darryl Preston reported he was hit on by a woman in a bar, thought he was gonna get some, instead woke up foggy headed in a motel room on central." "His wallet and the rest of his valuables were gone." "I told Helen to use those roofies responsibly." "They did get a hit on some prints." "Oh, boy." "Anh Li's fingerprints were at the crime scene." "Which means Anh Li is or was at Helen's." "Consorting with known felons." "That's not good." "I'm just gonna focus on the murder-counterfeiting aspect of the crime at this point." "So if Anh Li was here and she ripped this guy off, why leave his stolen license out in plain sight?" "Why even keep it?" "And since when do cops dust the scene of a wallet theft for prints?" "I don't know, but check this out." "The local cops aren't the only ones looking for Anh Li." "A whole lot of N.C.I.C. search inquiries on her from a police Captain Xiao Xianmei in Hong Kong." "Three days after Helen moved here." "Does it say why he's looking for her?" "Let's see." "No warrants issued." "Wait." "Additional comments." ""Known associates:" "Helen Trask." "Convicted counterfeiter, highly skilled in intaglio and typographic printing." "Please add info on where abouts to this file."" "The inquiries aren't about finding Anh Li." "Whoever this guy is, he's looking for Helen." "And he's smart enough to know he can't track a protected witness through N.C.I.C." "But he could trail a known associate." "He was hoping Anh Li would lead him straight to Helen." "And given that the Albuquerque mugging was reported three weeks ago," "I'd say whoever this guy is, he's probably a lot closer to Helen and Anh Li than we are." "Darryl Preston, please." "It's the vic's office." "I'm on hold." "Save that number 'cause it seems to make you happy." "Hold music." "From a play I did in high school." "I know, hard to believe." "While most kids were experimenting with drugs, I experimented with musicals." "Just as harmful." "Quit staring." "Do something useful." "Okay." "Hi, Officer David Palmer, please." "Sure, thanks." "Hey, Darryl Preston, David Palmer." "Same initials." "Hi, Mr. Preston." "This is Mary Shepard from the Albuquerque Police Department." "I wanted to ask you a few questions about the incident you reported back on..." "Sure, I can hold for a sec." "Hi, Officer Palmer." "This is Marshall Mann from the marshals service." "Have you got a minute to talk about an incident report you took on August 12th?" "Many cheerful facts about the square of a hypotenuse." "Sure, I'll hold." "I'm very good at integral and differential calculus" "I know the scientific names of beings animalculous in short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral" "I am the very model of a modern major general" "In short, in matters vegetable animal, and mineral I am the very model..." "Come on." "Don't stop." "I answer hard acrostics I've a pretty taste for paradox" "I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of heliogabalus in conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous." "Who the hell are we dealing with?" "What was that about?" "I have no idea." "Eleanor, I need you to run thorough background checks on this Officer Palmer," "Darryl Preston, and that Hong Kong police captain." "All over it." "Oh, and Anh Li too." "Something is really wrong." "What's this feel like to you?" "Like the whole Anh Li rolling someone incident never happened." "Like someone's dumping phony reports into the system." "Yeah, but who?" "And why?" "And if that's the case, it stands to reason that the stolen driver's license was left out at Helen's intentionally." "I'm getting nothing beyond the most superficial records on Darryl Preston." "I think he's made-up." "Like what we do." "Only not as well." "Someone's dropping bread crumbs, leaving a trail to Anh Li's door." "Where's Helen Traylen?" "Wish we knew." "Please, please." "Okay, I thought we were beyond this." "You gave me your word you were gonna keep her available for this investigation." "She's gone." "As in missing." "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" "Hey, does ABQPD have an officer David Palmer?" "How the hell should I know?" "Do you know how big our department is?" "Could you check?" "Sure." "Anything for you, pal." "Yeah, this is Dershowitz." "Do we have a David Palmer anywhere in the roster?" "All right." "Your missing witness had a very public fight with my vic two days before the homicide." "Really?" "We know." "Yeah, I'm here." "All right." "Thanks." "There's no DavidPalmer listed anywhere in our department." "It's looking like this Hong Kong captain is a ghost too." "Marshall." "How much?" "All right." "We're on our way." "Isleta Casino just reported, in the last four hours, their fast-cash reader shave I.D.'d almost $30, 000 in bogus hundreds." "So she's a murderer and a counterfeiter?" "I can only attest to one of those things." "I appreciate you coming down, detective." "The secret service is already on their way." "They have jurisdiction on counterfeiting." "We're here about a homicide." "No one's been killed here." "But the suspect may be spreading around phony bills." "Any leads on who it might be?" "I got a couple blackjack dealers who remember a hot Asian woman playing hundred-dollar hands a few hours ago." "Can I see one of those bills?" "Knock yourself out." "Princess." "It's a so-so fake." "Definitely not to Helen's standards." "So if you're living with the best counterfeiter in the world, why pass around mediocre bills?" "Anh Li's the one that's been dropping bread crumbs." "So she and Helen are somewhere in this hotel." "I'll have security shut down the exits and send around descriptions." "They're not going anywhere." "Where's your most expensive suite?" "The governor's penthouse." "Unfortunately, it's already booked." "Who booked it?" "I'm sorry, but we don't share that information." "Mary?" "What's happening?" "Mary?" "Where's Anh Li?" "Right here." "Drop your weapon." "U.S. Marshals." "You drop your weapon." "Put your weapons on the couch slowly, or I'll blow her head off." "God, Anh, what are you doing?" "Relax, Marshall, she's not shooting anybody." "You think I won't shoot you?" "I think you would." "But I think my partner would drop you before you got off your second shot." "Helen, stand up." "Stay behind me and make your way into the bedroom." "Anh, why are you doing this?" "Because I'd rather we both die than let them separate us again." "Go, Helen, now." "No, I'd rather we die too." "Helen." "Marshall." "Let her go." "You see why we say no contact with anyone from your past?" "Anh, don't do anything crazy." "Wherever they send us, I'll find you." "That's beautiful." "Stay in here till I come get you." "This is going to get dog-ugly if you don't stand down." "What do you guys want from me?" "Putting your gun down would be a great place to start." "No, 'cause then you'll just split us up again, and I'm not gonna let that happen." "Wow, looks like she's gonna play this out to the end." "She's good at it too." "What are you guys talking about?" "Your training is showing." "I mean, the stance, the way you hold your weapon." "The fact that you called it a weapon." "I mean, come on." "The phony mugging entry into N.C.I.C., passing easily-detectable counterfeit bills, you've gone to a lot of trouble playing the careless criminal." "Leaving clues for somebody to find, presumably so they'd know where you are." "What do you think?" "Does that sound about right?" "I'd say so." "About the only thing we don't know is who you really are and who you're expecting to walk through that door." "My name is Jane Kwan." "I'm a CIA operative." "And the men who are after Helen will be here any minute." "Four years ago, when the story broke that the agency was responsible for the counterfeit bills, we decided to do our own investigation to clear our name." "Helen was already a suspect." "She'd been arrested trying to illegally obtain the optically variable ink used on federal reserve notes." "So you went to prison undercover to get close to her." "We knew her last girlfriend was Asian." "Helen." "They're here." "Come on!" "Get in the bathroom." "Lock the door." "Lie down in the tub till I come get you." "U.S. Marshals." "Lower your weapons." "Jane." "Mary." "Keep your hands up." "Up against the wall." "Come on." "Don't move." "Found this guy at the end of the hall with this." "Once again, way to keep me in the loop." "I'm glad you showed up." "We didn't get to say a proper goodbye the last time." "Let's go." "Will I need to be relocated?" "Depends." "You ready to tell me what happened with Carolyn?" "Why you argued with her the night she got killed?" "Carolyn found out that Anh had used the school equipment to print some bills." "She was gonna turn her in." "I tried to talk her out of it, but I did not kill her." "I swear." "I know you don't want to hear this, but you were a National Security threat." "She was just doing her job." "I'm not a job." "I'm a person." "Could you give us a minute?" "Sure." "Look, Helen... it started out that way." "But after a while, a short while..." "I started to have real feelings for you." "That's why I did what I did with Xiao." "I got careless so I could wrap it up more quickly and we could be together." "Man, talk about a tough assignment." "What, spending ten months undercover in a women's prison?" "I can think of worse." "You do know it's not all lingerie and pillow fights." "But it is sometimes, right?" "Afis came back with a match from one of the koreans at my murder site." "Must have gone there looking for your girl." "I'm charging them all." "Good enough." "Oh, and thanks for the assist." "Oh, heard you got engaged." "Congratulations." "I think he feels taken advantage of." "You think?" "Speaking of which, I better get back to the days of our lives." "What's going on?" "We might have a problem." "Any thoughts?" "So many." "The mind fairly boggles." "Happy engagement!" "Congratulations, Inspector." "Wow, you guys, this is, um, totally unnecessary." "I think what my ill-bred friend here is trying to say is..." "Thank you." "You've very welcome." "Cupcakes?" "Wow, red velvet." "My favorite." "If only there were a ring in one of these." "Princess still won't give it up?" "If you knew how many compliments I got, you wouldn't either." "On what, the color purple?" "Okay, that's it." "Sit down." "Come on." "Here." "What... what are you going to do?" "I don't know, but I'm guessing that's something she picked up in a strip club." "Lotion and dental floss?" "The hardest part is the knuckle." "Sort of like the baby's shoulders in the birthing process." "You have any idea what that makes my ring?" "Is that too tight?" "Yes." "Good.." "Some party trick." "Yes, wait till the bachelorette party." "Well, how soon is that?" "Totally up to the maid of honor." "Why is everybody looking at me?" "Well, as Mary's only friend, naturally we just assumed..." "Relax, Ringo, you've suffered enough." "I've got a sister." "So how about a toast?" "Excellent idea." "Okay." "Here's to the best friend I've ever had... could ever hope to have." "The girl for whom no man will ever be good enough." "I hope you know that I love you." "And I wish for you nothing but a lifetime of happiness." "To happiness." "Happiness." "To happiness then." "So how about some cupcakes?" "Yeah." "Cupcakes?"