"THE GUY IN THE GRAVE NEXT DOOR" " Do you have recess, my dear?" " Oh, Mother..." "I'm not a school girl." " I'm all grown up." " Oh..." "When did you find that out?" "I'm a librarian." "Don't you remember?" "You're such a sweet girl, Desirée." "I'm sure you'll meet a lovely man   and have lots of children when you grow up  and don't have braces on your teeth." "Don't you have anyone to play with, dear?" "Maybe we should get a boxer." "Or a schnauzer..." "They have such adorable mustaches." " I don't want a dog." " Not even a dachshund?" "You do know why I called you Desirée, don't you, dear?" " It means..." " "The desired one"." ""The desired one"." "Their boots were very muddy." "The next wall was high and white." "And when they crawled over it  they landed knee-deep in a pool of water..." " Stockholm?" " I might not get the job." "Well..." "I would never apply for a job as a head librarian in Stockholm." "But then again, you don't have a family." " So you can pursue a career." " It's hardly that." "I want to get away." "Start over." "I'm coming." "There, there..." "It's all right." "A report just came in about roadwork on Svedjevägen." "So if you're passing that way, please drive carefully." "I know you're in a hurry to get home to your loved ones  but slow down, they'll be at home waiting for you." "When you pull up outside, see the lights in the windows  walk in through the door into someone's waiting arms..." "Then you truly know you're home." "Benny, why don't you find yourself a girlfriend?" "You're such a handsome boy." "You've always had your ways, ever since you were a boy  but they'll adjust." "They'll just have to get used to it." "What was her name, the girl who knocked a tooth out?" "Carina, wasn't it?" "What ever happened to her?" "She got herself a new tooth and moved into town." "They all did." "That was 15 years ago." "All the good ones went away." "I just don't want you to be so lonely." "Neither do I." " Daddy, are we almost there?" " It's that one." " Is this it?" " Yes, this is Grandpa's grave." "Would you like to do the raking?" " Should I get rid of all this?" " Leave the flowers." "So, do you think Grandpa likes it here?" " Where do I put the leaves?" " Over there." "Could I do the watering?" "Hello, Grandpa." "Am I getting you all wet?" "Damn it!" "I don't know if it's a biological clock exactly." "But I do feel a clock ticking." " Time passes and nothing happens." " Stop it, Desirée!" "You were never in love with Örjan." "What do you mean?" "Örjan had everything." "Your marriage was like "a pair of orthopedic shoes"." "I might have said something like that in a moment of weakness." "Don't you tell me what our relationship was like." " Sorry!" " Nobody stays in love forever." "The two of us built something together... a foundation." "I'm desperate, and I'm not ashamed to admit it." "And men are like apartments:" "The one with a balcony won't have a fireplace." "And the one with a fireplace won't have a bathtub." "The question is where you find one at all." "Maybe at a cemetery..." " Did you talk to the guy?" " No, but he smiled at me." " He did?" "For long?" " It felt like a long time." " Something's happening." " He's not my type." " Stop it!" " It shows!" "You can't hide it." "Are you happy?" " I said, are you happy?" " What do you mean?" "You know, sometimes you feel..." " Like to come home with me?" " What are you talking about?" "Just forget it..." "What's the matter?" " What did he say?" " He was drunk." "She's stupid." "Don't you think so?" " That Snow White was stupid?" " Why do you say that?" "She didn't even recognize her stepmother." "A stepmother is like a dad's new wife?" "Only she's meaner." "Hello..." "You got any books about bee-keeping?" "Try the information desk, I'm on my lunch break." "Is this yours?" " Where did you find it?" " At the cemetery." "Thank you." " Want to come along?" " Where to?" "To the cemetery." "I mean, if you want to go, I'll take you." "I don't have time right now." "But I am on my lunch break..." "I don't usually eat hot dogs." "Sounds nice..." "I wish I learned to play something." "Go take lessons." " It's too late." " It's never too late." "Oh, damn it!" " What's your name?" " Desirée." " What?" " Desirée!" "I'm coming." "There, there..." "We have a ladies' turtleneck sweater in a range of natural colors." "This week only, a ladies' turtleneck for just SEK 299." "So you had hot dogs, then what?" " He bought me a harmonica." " That was original." " Is he married?" " He doesn't wear a ring." " Did you make any plans?" " No, none." "He ran off without getting my number." "But it doesn't matter..." "This week only, a ladies' turtleneck for just SEK 299." "Of course it matters!" "You would understand if you met him." "He's so not my type!" "Stop!" "What was she like?" "We barely know each other." "We had hot dogs." "I mean, did you click?" " I wouldn't put it that way..." " Come on, Benny!" "It felt more like leaning against the electric fence." "You devil..." "Any reason why you're all dressed up?" " It's good, you can't mourn forever." " I hardly mourn with my ears." "It seems someone wants to speak to... "Uh, Desirée."" "It's Benny Söderström, from the grave next door." " I had a lovely time." " Well, thank you." " Tomorrow's Saturday." " That's right." "I thought we might get together, and maybe swing by the cemetery." "I'd love to." "One o'clock?" " I can almost manage to play a tune." " So, you've been practicing." "I'll bring it along." "Is it okay to play the harmonica at a cemetery?" "Is it okay to play the harmonica at a cemetery?" "It's not like the occupants can complain." "Why don't you check out the brakes too?" "The brakes need checking." "Fine." "Catch you later." "Bye." " It was the shop." " You don't have a car." " Go here often?" " Yeah, I like the crowd here." "They're a bit too stiff for me." "I might be smelly, I didn't have time to change." "Barnyard." "I'm a farmer." "That's why I rushed off the other day, because of the cows." "So you're a farmer?" " And have a farm?" " That makes things easier." "That's true..." "I have 25 dairy cows, plus recruits." "I cleaned the harrow this morning, and then an engine..." "I guess I'm trying to say that the farm keeps me very busy." " Are you on your own?" " Yes, since my parents died." " I don't have any substitutes." " Right..." "No substitutes." "I can't remember when I last took a good look in the mirror." "You're not that smelly." "You remind me of Maggie." "She's been dead for years." "I tried to breed her several times, but it never worked out." "She refused, even though I had this great pedigree male lined up." "She detested him and mated with a real mutt instead." "I see..." "I can't go talking about that here." " And I remind you of Maggie." " You're shapely, just like her." ""Pleasing plump" is what I generally hear." "I would say you're shapely." "I'm not ready for a new relationship." "I just want you to know that." "Again?" " Don't you have to get back?" " A neighbor's helping me out." "So, you'd planned this to happen." " What?" " You planned on ending up here." "No, that's not the way it was." "I just didn't want to have other obligations." "Do you think I could learn to milk by hand?" "Without a doubt!" "I swear this has got to be the slowest red light in town." "Go!" "Just move it!" " Thanks." " Was that anyone in particular?" "Just somebody I know." "Owe them money, do you?" "This is my place." " It's a real farm." " Yup!" "I need to go check on the cows." "Go on in, the door's not locked." "I haven't fixed the place up..." "Have you considered turning it into a historical landmark?" "Hang on!" "How did Örjan die?" "He was listening to a recording of birdcalls and got hit by a truck." "Death was instantaneous." "His head was crushed in in spite of his bicycle helmet." " Birdcalls?" " He was a biologist." "He was a health nut and a real straight arrow." "Pesticide-free food, Tai Chi, poly unsaturated fats..." "Then he goes and dies young." "It's kind of... a bummer." " For you?" " And for him too, I bet." "What did you mean about not being ready for a relationship?" "That we shouldn't have any false expectations." "Well..." "I don't know." "But it's good to be up-front about things." "That's true..." "What exactly is a relationship, from your point of view?" " It's kind of complicated..." " I bet." "Let's do it..." "Here?" "Hey, get up, you've overslept." "You missed the first milking session." "I want a newspaper and a cup of café au lait." "I want to show you the farm." " What's wrong?" " I'm worn out..." "I tarred that last year and repainted over there." "That's the old woodshed." "And I keep a woodpile over here." "And this is the manure heap, it used to mature on the ground." "But then I made a foundation for it..." "Be careful, it's an electric fence." "See that house over there?" "Bengt-Göran and Violet live there." "They're always willing to give me a hand." "They can't see me..." "Let me show you something." " I could sure use a shower." " Sorry..." "The boiler's not on, so it'll take an hour to heat the water." "Catch." "Why don't you whip up some meatballs?" "I can't..." "You can't make meatballs?" " Örjan was a vegetarian." " Why?" "I've got to go home." " Home?" " Back to my own environment." "Take a bath and listen to Boccerini." "When's the next bus?" "There are no buses on Sunday." "Here, keep this as a souvenir." "I'm in a hurry." "We'll keep in touch..." "All I did was ask her to make meatballs." "And she held the ground beef like it was a frozen cowflop." " She's a townie, isn't she?" " We saw you drive up." " Where did you find her?" " At the cemetery." "I thought she looked pale." "The cemetery..." "You do the damnedest things, Benny." " She's a townie, right?" " So what?" "You think they all run around in black lace undies." "No, thongs." "You're a great gal, Violet." "That's right." "Don't marry them unless they can cook." " Who's talking about marriage?" " Love them and leave them." "Don't get roped in." "And there were flyspecks..." "Absolutely everywhere!" "Did you think all farmhouses looked like a Carl Larsson painting?" " Could you try again?" " Hush." "Karl-Henrikis looking for his mother." "Please report to the desk." "Karl Henrik is looking for his mother." "He sounds like a great guy, so why are you whining about this decor?" "It's not like he cross stitched those pictures himself!" "Maybe he doesn't want to erase all traces of his mother." "What do you mean?" "What if I have cleared Örjan's stuff away?" "But you don't need to live in a mausoleum..." "This week we have a special on loin of pork." "Come visit our grocery department on floor one." "It's culture shock." "I bet Benny's never been to the theater." "You know what - you're vain!" "All you want is a guy you can show off in the right circles." "A few flyspecks will do you good." "Give the guy a chance." "Can you picture me as a milkmaid?" "You're not applying for a job." " What about Stockholm, by the way?" " They'll call if I get the job." "Karl-Henrik!" "Where did you go?" "What do you want from Benny?" " He's not my type." " So you say." "Well, don't take it too seriously." "Just have fun together." "What's the harm?" "What the hell?" "So you're actually making meatballs." "There's no harm in getting together." " What was that?" " Nothing." "I'm so glad you're here." "Örjan!" "It's all right..." "Benny's here." " I'll be there." " Good." "Märta's bringing a date." "It's easier to set a table for couples." "Are you bringing a date?" "I thought you were seeing someone." "Then who is Benny Söderström?" "He's called several times lately." " Benny's an old friend." " I've never heard you mention him." " So, what does he do for a living?" " Benny?" "Oh, taxes..." "The thought of him makes you blush." "You're wrong, Benny's... gay." " Oh." "Well, that's nice..." " For whom?" " You're wanted on the phone." " Desirée here." "I'll take it." "Desirée Wallin speaking." "Yes." "Oh..." "When?" "Yes, that will be fine." "Thank you." "Goodbye." "What's the matter?" "Is there something wrong?" "I got the job in Stockholm." " What, is there something wrong?" " No, I'm just tired." "They've been out too much." "They've got muscles like gymnasts." " That's good." " No, it's hell to butcher them." "You can barely saw through tough muscle like that." " And it's all your fault." " It is?" "Since you turned up I haven't been on the ball." "The way you smile at me makes my head spin." "Let's play a game." "We'll tell each other what we really want." " I'm not in the mood..." " Then I'll go first." "I'd like to have a muscular woman who's good at domestic economy." " A real homemaker." "Your turn." " I don't know what I want." "Then I'll go on." "I want you to come live here." "What?" "Would you like to come live here?" "I thought we wanted the same things." "Kids, a family..." "You can have as many kids as you like." "Quit working or work part-time until the first child is born." "Quit working?" "Don't you realize how important my job is to me?" "I would keep on working even if I had kids." " There's no day care..." " You could help out." "Have you ever heard of a dairy farmer that was a stay-at-home dad?" " You could get a..." " A substitute?" "I can't, I'm going to..." " I'm going away for a while." " Where to?" "It's my mother's birthday." "Happy birthday to you..." " Who's having a birthday?" " You, mother." "Happy Birthday." "I'd like to have a pair of skates and a muff." "Here..." " Is this charade over now?" " Dad!" "Have some cake." "They want me to take care of her at home." " And?" " It's supposed to be better for her." " I bet it's true." " They're overcrowded." "They want her bed." "What are you going to do?" " Will you take her home?" " I couldn't possibly do that." " After all, you are married." " That's debatable." "That's certainly not the woman I once said "I do" to." "What about "for better or for worse"?" "She's incontinent, on top of it all." "Was that chocolate good?" ""My bag", Bullen shouted with joy." "And suddenly it wasn't at all hard to eat   or play with Legos or watch TV, or feed the fish." "And watching ants was the most fun thing in the whole wide world." " Then what happened?" " They lived happily ever after." "Take your cap off." "Let's go wash windows!" "Howdy!" "I'm Bengt-Göran, and this is Violet." "We're the neighbors." "And I guess you're Desirée." "We've heard a lot about you." " Benny's out in the barn." " We know." "He can't weasel out of this one." "What are you doing here?" "We were just saying you couldn't weasel out of it this time." "We brought a snack, so you wouldn't starve." " You're not big on cooking, I hear." " Well, that depends..." " And you're a townie." " I live in town." " Anything remarkable about that?" " It depends..." "So you brought us some meatballs." "I've told Desirée how good they are." "You get the meatballs you deserve." " No thanks, I'm fine." " Towns are full of oddballs." "A bunch of useless computer bums and consultants." "They love to tell you how they'd prefer manual labor." " And they drive BMW's." " Disgusting." "Cheers." "They think we live on grants." "I work 95 hours a week, and I don't get paid overtime." "This one guy wondered what farmers do during the winter." "Tell them what you said." "I said: "You mean when the cows hibernate?"" "I got the better of him." "They don't get it." "Farmers go bankrupt all the time." " We're an endangered species." " Cheers." "I can think of another word..." "Fossils." "In small doses, you get used to them." "What's this...?" "Illusion." ""A false image, eight letters."" "Bengt-Göran has helped me out a lot since Dad died." " And Violet..." " Makes great meatballs." "They're decent people." "But if you gave Bengt-Göran a lobotomy with a chainsaw  no one would know the difference, not even him." "Look what I found when I was cleaning." "Take a look..." "This is me when I was about three." "Quite a guy, huh?" "I'm eight, and that's a Concord." "That's fifth grade." "I'm over here." "Great sweater, isn't it?" "Oh, your last report card." "This I've got to see." "Swedish, an A. Math, an A. More A's and one B..." "Child care, an A..." "But good Lord..." " Your grades are fantastic." " Did you think I was an airhead?" "It's a crying shame that your parents didn't let you stay in school." "There are loans and stuff if they couldn't afford it." "Everyone should have the right to pursue education." "With grades like this you could have been anything." "I don't understand why you got so upset." "All I meant was that you had a talent for school." " Forget it, I see you don't want..." " It's not about wanting." "Say I go to college for six years and end up covered in debt." " So I can be a lousy librarian?" " Simmer down." "You don't know what my parents let me do." "Should I sell the farm?" "Without my farm, who am I?" "Take away my tractor and put me in a suit and I'll feel like a transvestite." " Do whatever you want..." " You could care less what I want." "You don't have a clue about what it's like to run a farm!" "Who are you trying to convince?" "Mrs. Lundmark seems so lonely." "Rattling that book cart all day long." " Mrs. Lundmark?" " A lady who works at the library." "I don't expect anyone ever touches her." "For all I know she might have a lover." "Still waters run deep." "Not that there's anything wrong with sex." "Unless you ask my parents." "They only did it once." "Unless I was immaculately conceived." "Excuse me, but could you consider being quiet for at least a minute?" "Benny, I refuse to bake cookies and slit pig's throats." "Isn't that what farmwives do?" "Make some awful food out of the steaming blood?" " We get our meat from the butcher." " But I meant..." "Be quiet!" "Remember not to stare at Torkel's hairline." "He's had hair plugs put in, and the subject might be sensitive." "And Märta's boyfriend is married, so stay off that subject." " It's..." " ...sensitive." "Come on." "No..." "Didn't you have a nicer shirt?" " I've known them for years." " I'll eat with utensils." "Would you cool it?" "If they behave, I'll behave." "Hello, I'm Benny." "Please come in." "Here comes the bubbly." " Thanks, it's perfect." " Lilian gave us a hint." "We're just waiting for Märta and her banker." " Where are the kids?" " Over at our new neighbors' place." "Maybe you know them." "He's a chiropractor too." "Nyström?" "They're so nice." "They have five kids, and she works full time as a physiotherapist." "It's a shame I don't have a bad back or something." "With neighbors like that." "She's amazing, absolutely amazing." "She bakes her own bread." "Organic." "I'm going to invite her to our poetry group." " We've stopped having them." " You're so negative." " What do you do for a living?" " I'm a brain surgeon." " I'm a farmer." " Right..." "Hi, sorry I'm late." "This is Harald." "My other date didn't show up, so..." "I wouldn't want to ruin the seating arrangement." "Say hello, Harald." "Seriously, we've considered going vegetarian." "You want to keep your kids away from that "Happy Meal" culture." "And vegetables are so healthy." "It wouldn't hurt to lose some weight." "It's not the sausage, it's the sauce that makes you fat." "It's true." "But surely you don't agree?" " About the sauce?" " About being a vegetarian." "Well, I'm a dairy farmer and cows are nothing but refined grass." "Wait for me!" "It's all about contact." "Animals sense things..." "Come on, show us your muscles." "He's going to..." "Old Mac Donald had a farm..." "How long have you known each other?" "We don't know each other." "She picked me up on the way over here." "I'm a pushover." " Benny and I..." " Just have sex." "Animal sex..." "No, vegetarian." " You seem well-acquainted." " We're just friends." "That's just as well." "Since Desirée is moving to Stockholm." "I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship." "What do you call what we've been doing?" "We've been seeing each other." "Like adults." "But now you're acting like a teenager." "I hadn't planned for things to get all serious." "Sometimes life just barges in without asking for permission." "What are doing out here?" "Moo!" "Come on in and dance, Desirée." "Sorry I'm late." "What is it?" "We're never going to rest under the same headstone." " That's morbid." " Not the same one..." "No matter what, you'll always be the guy in the grave next door." "Just like the famed "boy next door"." "The one the girl grows up with, without realizing how great he is." "Not until she's been deceived by the flashy guy in the fancy car." "Then she goes back home to find him waiting faithfully." "I won't be waiting." "Take it easy, I didn't mean that we should stop seeing each other." "But maybe we should ease off on the plans." "Live in the present, take things one day at a time." "That's not for me." "Are you ashamed of me?" "Goodbye." "It was fun while it lasted..." " Örjan would've been a good father." " What's he got to do with this?" " Children need security." " Country life is wholesome." "I want my kids, if I have any, to have opportunities." "I don't want them hanging out at the corner store and drinking moonshine." "It's like I said:" "You see Benny as being intellectually inferior." "What's more important, your heart or your head?" "Heart, head..." "It's a combination of the two." " And you're out of your head." " It's a lifestyle issue." "Our lifestyles clash." "So why do you play the harmonica in the bath?" "Can you tell me why?" " Because he made me happy." " There you go..." "There are more important issues." "Like what?" " Am I to blame?" " You?" "I never encouraged you to explore your talents." "It's not your fault." "I want to live here, I love it here." "But something's missing." "She showed up, and things changed..." "And I'd do anything to see her smile." "Would you?" "Would you really?" "Your hair was set on electric rollers into rigid curls." "And Dad smoked cigarillos." "You had wooden dinner parties   where you always served a roast in a port wine sauce" "We went travelling every summer." "You enjoyed that." "You got to use your smattering of Spanish." "But..." "I've never seen you and Dad touch each other." "Or quarrel." "Or talk about anything apart from practicalities." "So maybe that's why I don't know what to expect from marriage." "You were only occupied with the number of chops to get for dinner." "So I thought Örjan and I had an ideal relationship." "Everything was so tidy and cold..." "I never really knew him." "I guess that's why I can't mourn his passing." "But he was fond of grass." " Örjan?" " Klas." "Your turtle." "When will you see her again?" "The girl from town." "She won't be coming around here any more." "She was all right." "You shouldn't be clearing the woods on your own." "Oskar had to crawl back home after nearly cutting his leg off." "You might get pinned under a pine tree." "And who would write my obituary, my 24 cows?" "How are you doing, Benny?" "Benny Söderström..." "Don't I know you from someplace?" "Do you know what I felt like when we were together?" "Do you?" "I felt like a beige on beige wallpaper pattern." "Why did you marry me?" "Did you love me?" "Did you?" "Or was it just convenient?" "I fit in." "It was time for you to settle down and I didn't ask for much." "I didn't ask for anything at all." "I didn't even protest  when you left every weekend to watch those damned birds!" "You see, the only thing I wanted was love." "Love was all I asked for." "Apart from not leaving the kitchen in a mess." "You never showed me you cared." "We never quarreled." "Not once in five years." "That's insane!" "I can't bear it!" "The tests have all come back." " There's nothing wrong with you." " Right." "Your stats were fine." "Isn't that good news?" "I haven't seen a doctor since..." "Since I was vaccinated as a schoolboy." " So it's not an ulcer?" " Definitely not." "What about your eating habits?" "Well, I do drink a lot of coffee..." "And you don't go dancing often enough." "Well, get a load of you!" "Everything's packed." "It's so exciting." "Just imagine, I can go to exhibits every weekend and museums..." "I'll go to the theater and take classes." "Flamenco classes." "I've always want to learn flamenco." "It seems like a good way to express your feelings." "There are other ways of doing that." "I've met someone." "Someone with future potential." " Why didn't you tell me?" " There's only been room for Benny." " So, how did you meet him?" " While waiting for a cab." "He tried to cut ahead of me, as if he was justified..." "Because of his wheelchair." " He's handicapped?" " And had colon surgery." "And he's got a rotten temper." "But we know where we stand." "And I make him laugh." "His wheelchair shouldn't fence him in." "So I've booked us a trip to the mountains." " I'm trying to be open-minded." " You're a better person than me." "Not really, I'm just more foolhardy." "Lillemor and I share custody of the kids, and split all the costs." "The whole arrangement runs smoothly." "We celebrate Christmas and birthdays together." "Lillemor's boyfriend hangs out with us too, he's the greatest." "No hard feelings, like it should be, for the kid's sake." "My youngest daughter is getting braces this autumn." "She'll be a metal mouth." "Her eyeteeth are the problem..." "They're growing in all crooked." " You never had kids?" " No, we didn't have time." "You should have, kids are the greatest." "Lillemor says: "What would I have done without them?"" ""Picked lint out of my bellybutton?" She has a point." " When are you moving?" " I'd love to have kids." " But you need the right father." " I've done my bit." "The nights and the diapers..." "No thanks." "I didn't mean you." "You wouldn't happen to have a brush?" "Here are the keys, use my car while we're gone." "I'm thinking of calling Benny." " I think I miss him." " You think?" "Forget him." "You'll find someone more suitable." "After all, he wasn't your type." "Thank you, Mrs. Lundmark." "I believe..." "No, I'm positive that I speak for all of us   when I say we are grateful to have had Desirée with us." "We're really going to miss you and your..." "Your refreshing outlook on life." "Come back and visit us." "Hopefully, your small-town friends will retain a place in your heart." "Well, now you won't have to settle for callused hands." " What do you mean?" " That whiff of manure..." "It couldn't have been all that romantic." " Wait a minute!" " The man was a dairy farmer." " What's wrong with that?" " There was no future in it." "You're educated and move in different circles." "What would you talk about?" "We had lots to talk about!" "Benny was the most genuinely good person I've ever met." "He follows his heart, he loves his farm." "He takes risks..." "and he believes in love." " So why are you moving?" " I'm not going to move!" "I'm not going to move." "I know I said he wasn't my type..." "But he wanted me in spite..." "I'm not in at the moment, please leave a message." "It's me again..." "He wanted me in spite of my big behind." "Even though I'm a controlling house-proud nut." "He gave me love without getting any in return." "I don't know how to love." "I've never loved anyone." "He wanted me..." "And now it's too late." " Won't you come to bed?" " I'm fixing this." "Do you have to fix it right now?" "I'll be up soon, why don't you read something?" "Like what?" "Like a book." "If you've read one, you've read them all." "Come on, you need your rest." "I've got to go check on the cows." "Down..." "She won't notice." " What are you doing?" " Making meatballs." "I'll skip dinner..." "I've got somewhere to go." "The cemetery." "Desirée!" "Desirée, open the door!" "Open up, it's me" " Benny." "Please come to the door!" "I swear this has got to be the slowest red light in town." "What the hell?"