"[On fire by Andy blunda]" "♪ ♪" "♪ your love is like a river ♪" "♪ flowing through my veins ♪" "♪ your love is the fever ♪" "♪ I can't get enough ♪" "♪ I'm on fire ♪" "♪ we're on fire ♪" "♪ our love is too much ♪" "♪ for just one heart to take ♪" "It's time to get up." "[Grumbles]" "It's time to get up, little bed creature." "How much do you love the morning?" " [Groans] - [Laughs]" "[Groans]" "I'm not a morning person." "Um, and Anthony used to just pour a glass of water on me or threaten to, to wake me up in the morning." "[Both moan]" "But Vanessa has a very different tactic." "Couldn't we just sleep a little bit more?" "[Laughs]" "We've grown to know each other's bodies in a way that it feels unique to each other." "I think of her body as just the sexiest thing in the whole world, and I feel honored and lucky every time I get to touch it." "Lindsey and I actually had sex before Anthony and I had sex." "And neither of us had as much experience having sex with women, and so we've actually gone through a really beautiful growth in the last few years." "It's becoming more sexually intimate." "[Both giggle]" "And now we have sex with a strap-on, and it's like a way bigger range of sexual experience that we get to have." "And it's a new part of my sexual personality that's come out recently." "I really enjoy it." " I love you." " I love you." "You're so sexy." "Get off my cock." "[Laughs]" " [Laughs]" " Whoo." "You broke it, you beast." "I adored her from afar for many years, and now I get to actually touch the body that I've loved so long." "She's gonna make a morning person out of me in the end." "Hey, are you getting ready for your date with Roxanne?" "Yeah, I am." "Do you need to tell me anything about it, Kamala?" "Before anybody goes on a date, we usually check in." "Like, here's a chance to make any objections." "And if not, I've got your blessings, and I'm gonna do what I want." "I was more nervous than usual because I felt like there was some unsaid tension." "Things are good with me and Roxanne." "I wanna make sure things are good with us." " Mm-hmm." " You know that you're not gonna be upset." "I just don't wanna be on my date and have my husband home, hurting, because I'm not sharing her." "The reason that Kamala wants to be with Roxanne exclusively is because she doesn't want Roxanne treating other people that are close to her in the same way, which is not completely poly." "I wanna reconnect with her and let her know how much I love her." "And I want that to be okay with you." "Yeah, you know, you're working through that stuff." "I get it." " You know that's an issue." " Mm-hmm." "And I'm okay with you having a deep relationship with her, but it's, you know, it hasn't been really, you know, fair." "I've told Kamala what I feel." "I hope that eventually Kamala will come around and do the right thing." "Hey, Michael." "Oh, hey, Jen." " What are you up to?" " Where's Kamala?" "Uh, she's getting ready, actually." "She's going off to see Roxanne." " Oh, cool." " So" " All right." " Yeah, cool." "I'll go say hi." " All right, have a good day." " Yeah, you too." "When Kamala and Michael were having that conversation about Roxanne, he was really sort of putting her on the spot." "I actually kind of felt for her." "I know what it's like to just have someone as an escape, and I understand how Michael might feel left out." "You know, I don't have a proper nail clipper." "It just broke, and so I'm clipping away, hoping to get lucky, you know?" "[Both laugh]" "Are you seeing Roxanne today?" "Is that why?" " Uh-huh, that's why." " Oh, cool." "So what are you guys gonna do?" "I just wanna see where she's at and how she feels about Michael." "Oh, about him not dating her?" "Yeah, I'm starting to look at that and I wanted to see where she's at." "When Michael told me that" "I was acting like a monogamous person, that really hurt." "And so I'm rethinking my policy about Roxanne." "I mean, is she even interested in Michael?" "I have... not really asked her 'cause I'm afraid to know." "Oh, in case she says yes?" "Yeah, so I'm like, "okay, I need to find out what the truth is instead of kinda being in denial."" "Right." "So are you nervous?" "A little." "Are you feeling pressure from Michael, or is it something that you really wanna do?" "No, I'm doing it because I wanna know, what's the true level of attraction between all my lovers?" "And I don't wanna be the limiting step, so" "And that doesn't mean it has to go anywhere." " That's right." " Okay." "I would love to share Roxanne with Michael in theory, but for the last year, my relationship with Roxanne has been so enhancing and enriching." "I'm willing to look at changing it, but I'm scared." "[Sighs]" "I'm going to go see my friend and lover, Ilya, today." "There's something going on with the triad that I want to talk to him about." " Hey." " Hey." "I have such a relaxed relationship with Ilya." "We talk, we have sex, we don't have sex, and I care about him." "And that's why I'm so comfortable with him." "So how are your better thirds, Anthony and Lindsey?" "Haven't seen them." " They're really good." " Yeah?" "Really good." "We've been talking about our life commitment forever." " Mm-hmm." " Um, we act like it's a given." "Like, we're gonna be together for life, we're a family." "But we're out together, the three of us, husband, wife, girlfriend, I'm not taken as seriously when I'm introduced that way, and I feel it." "Probably the hardest thing for me about being in a triad with a married couple is that no matter what," "I am always left out of things." "If they get invited to a wedding, it's a plus one." "It's never a plus two." "And, you know, I have to fight every day to be recognized as a legitimate partner." "So..." "I haven't talked to anyone about this yet." " But..." " What?" " I'm gonna propose to them." " Really?" "Uh-huh." "But why you?" "Why are you the one doing the proposing?" "Uh, I think I'm the one that has the most urgency about it." "They're married already, so" "They really feel like it's clear to me that we're all gonna be together forever and that that's good, you know?" "Do you think it's gonna make that big of a difference?" "A title change, essentially?" "Public life commitment?" "You think that's just a title change?" "I mean, I think a lot of people treat it that way, certainly." "So prejudiced." " This is prejudice." " Is it?" "A queer woman proposing to her poly couple?" "A person who can't get married legally who makes the decision to make a life commitment is doing way more than just asking for a title change on the relationship." "They're married, but I'm the one who's getting fucked here." " I want the legitimacy." " Right." "I'm ready for there to be, like, a symbol, ritual, a commitment, like, I want that really badly, so I'm gonna ask for it." "I'm so excited, I'm overwhelmed, but there's a little bit of terror." "There are people we're not out to, and that's all gonna change." "Vanessa, you have the biggest balls of anybody..." "[Laughs]" "I've ever met." "And I've always said that, and I will always continue to say that, so" " Thank you." " Of course." "The way my relationship is with Roxanne," "I don't share her with anyone except her boyfriend." "It's like an escape away from my life with Devin and Michael." "Girlfriend!" "Hey, cutie." "And being with Roxanne, it's like the ultimate hot lesbian fantasy for me." "I feel like a little puppy that missed you." "I know." "So no matter what my agenda was before I showed up, as soon as I was with her, my agenda was, like, let's just get close." "But I'm definitely not as rational with her as I am with everybody else." "You're like this sexy, hot tigress." "[Both laugh]" "That makes you my prey." "You're so cute." "The deepest poly philosophy is that you can't get all your needs met from one person." "Michael meets most of my needs, like, 99% of them." "And where he might not be the most romantic man," "I have found the most romantic woman on the planet." "Yeah." "[Moans]" "Mm-hmm." "My sexual connection with Roxanne is off the charts." "[Both moan]" "Sometimes I think that when I make love with Roxanne that she can read my mind and that there's nothing I'm thinking or feeling that she doesn't feel too." "[Both moaning]" "Did you work up an appetite?" "Mm-hmm." "[Both giggle]" "It feels so good to finally get a break from the household." "Mm-hmm." "Um..." "The day that you came over?" " Yeah." " Um..." "Michael started to ask" " about our relationship." " Mm-hmm." "And he's always been really accepting and okay..." " Mm-hmm." " About you and I having our" " exclusive little affair." " Right." "But he's starting to feel left out." " Aww." " Yeah." "Maybe you guys should, you know, maybe get to know each other." "It's been a year, you know, that we've been seeing each other." "It kinda makes sense that you'd get to know him." "Yeah." "So I'm thinking maybe I could do it like a special gesture." "Like as a gift, I wanna give you a tea and a chat with Roxanne." "But is he gonna think a tea and a chat is, like, a tea and a chat or a tea and a chat?" "[Both laugh] Like what kind of" " You know?" "I don't want to lead him on into thinking, like, we're on a date." "I'd like to go on, like, a friendship." "Like, you know, you get to know somebody first." " Yeah, yeah." " I mean m" " Don't get me wrong." "Michael's hot, he's funny, he has all these amazing qualities, but I don't have that chemistry with him" " that I have with you." " Yeah." "Like, I'm not holding anything back." "Yeah, and I wouldn't" " I mean, there's no leading on 'cause I don't think I'd be okay with you guys, like, really getting down." "But I would definitely be okay with you guys getting closer and seeing what's there." " I'm totally game." " Okay." "I'm game for that 'cause I love you." "And if you guys wanted more than that, then we would have to have a conversation." "Right." "Polyamory's about loving without limits." "So I got this idea to let" "Michael go on a date with Roxanne." "I wanna open the relationship so that I'm not being such a hypocrite so that my behavior actually matches my philosophy." "[Speaks italian]" "[Speaks italian]" "[Speaks italian]" " [Speaks italian]" " Hi." "I don't often meet Anthony for lunch at school because we're often in totally different places with schedules that don't align." "And when they do..." "[Both laugh]" "We take advantage of it." "Here we are." "I'm both nervous and excited about what is gonna happen with our relationship now." "I feel a little bad about the confrontation with Krystof." "I actually am interested in you, if you want, having a boyfriend." "But maybe find one in Los Angeles, especially because then I get to enjoy it." "You know how I am." "Poly, for me, is about love in the grandest sense." "A perfect of example of this is we have a term called compersion" "Actually getting pleasure out of your partner with another person." "That notion of love, where you're just happy at everything that makes them happy." "My hands are full with you two." "If you don't want it, you don't want it." " But" " But I'm open." "You know, I'm always open to meeting good people." "I have the hookup with great men." "[Scoffs]" "My wife's happiness is paramount to me." "If that involves us, alone as a triad, her finding a new boyfriend" "Oh, oh, Jacob is playing a gig." "Jacob is a previous lover." "He is a musician, and I haven't heard from him in a while." "So tonight, we're all gonna go to Jacob's gig, and I wanna see what's going on in his life." "All right, so when we go to this show," "I'm gonna be your wingman." "Don't worry, if you get nervous, I will help." "What I do when they go, "oh, you have a husband?" "Oh, I don't wanna interfere with that."" " I know a good one." " Hmm?" ""Hey, if it makes you feel better, he can sit and watch." "And then you know that it's not about--"" "I have the most amazing husband ever." "He is not threatened by me getting joy or pleasure or happiness from other men." "In fact, he encourages it." "Cheers to me being back." " Hey, Michelle." " Hey, Michael." "Jen's sister Michelle is very hot, and she flirts with me all the time, but she's monogamous, which does seem a little bit hypocritical to me." "Hi, Jen." "My sister came to visit because we usually see each other about once a month, and I wanted her to see my new place and see how cool I thought it was and just reconnect with her." "So this is my place." "I li-- It looks" "It looks really good." "Did you see the family photo?" "I did see the family photo." " It's hard to miss." " Right." " Okay." " It's very big." "And, um, you know, this is the bed" " we had from the old house..." " Okay." "And that bed over there is for lovers who wanna sleep over." "Okay." "[Both laugh]" "I knew right away that she was like," ""yeah, you guys are fucking crazy."" "You don't like it?" "I just don't get it." "What don't you get?" "Just why you would move into a place with other people." "You have a husband." "You know, you just, what, share everything?" "I love Michael, I love Kamala, and we just all wanted to be together." "Let's just go have some coffee." " All right." " Okay?" "I really love my sister, and I really care what she thinks." "I don't want to, but I do." "Jennifer, you move into this tiny little room with other people that you're fucking all the time, and I just don't get it." "I don't even understand why it doesn't make sense." "Because you're married." "I'm married, but everything I do is with his knowledge." "It's with his knowledge, but I don't think doing things like that's healthy, I think it's weird." "We've been doing it for quite a long time..." " And I don't get it." " And it's working." "And I would just not have a man who wanted to go out and stick his dick in everyone." "My sister thinks I'm poly because of Tahl." "It's not the case." "It was my idea, and I'm enjoying my relationships outside of my relationship with Tahl." "I really, truly am." "Do you think that any boyfriend that you've ever had or husband doesn't look at other women and find them attractive?" "I didn't say that." "Did you hear me say that?" "I mean, they think that, and they just don't tell you." "And then they go out and cheat, and then the marriage breaks up." "And then maybe kids are left." "Why do that?" "Why not stay married to the person you love and also have some sexual freedom?" "You're acting like a single person." "Be single." "Just be single." "I'm not acting like a single person." " A single person would" " Yeah, you're going out, and you're fucking all these different guys." "I'm not fucking all these different guys." " Yes, you are." " No." "I have Kamala, Michael, Jesse, and Tahl." "A lot of monogamous people, when they hear the word "lover,"" "they're probably assuming that I'm fucking them." "Just because I call someone a lover, it doesn't mean I'm having intercourse with them." "Different boundaries come up with different people." "Everybody who knows, they're just gonna look at you like you're a big, ol' slut." "That's fine, I mean, what is a slut?" "Because I enjoy having sex?" "You enjoy having sex." "Because I've had sex with more than one person, so what?" "My hope is that people will see the love more than that they'll see the sex." "I don't think she understands that it's not all about sex." "I think that's what she thinks it is, um, but because she's never experienced it." "You guys doing okay over here?" "Yes, we're doing great." "Thank you." " Can I get you anything else?" " Not yet." "No, thank you." "He's cute." "Oh, so what, do you wanna fuck him too?" "Just because I'm poly doesn't mean I wanna fuck everybody." "Okay." "I know that I'm being very judge-y, and I don't get" " I just don't get it at all, but I love you." " I still love you." " Thank you, Michelle." "I love you too." "Just don't touch me-- No, I'm just kidding." "Did you wash?" " You mean since I was" " Eww!" "Yes, I washed my hands." "I won't touch you with this hand." "I'm just kidding." "I'm pretty much used to what my sister thinks, but if I based my life on what other people thought or their judgment, I wouldn't be able to do anything." "And I really can't live my life, worried about what my family and friends think." "So how about your date with, uh, Roxanne?" " I had a very hot time." " You did?" " I know." " What did you do?" " You wanna know, don't you?" " You don't want to know." " Mm-hmm." " Hmm." "We normally don't keep secrets, but when I got it in my head that I wanted to give Michael permission to date Roxanne, it was hard for me to not tell him." "So it's kind of a surprise." "What did you guys do specifically, like, sexually and stuff?" " Ooh, don't you wanna know?" " Ooh, do tell." "Of course." "We always talk about that stuff." "I think we all wanna know." "[Laughs]" "It seems to me that Kamala is doing secret things behind my back." "We don't do secrets, and so it's unusual." "I just love our time together." "It's just really magical." "We can't keep our hands off each other." "Oh, now we're all interested." "[All laugh]" "How do you end it on that?" "I know how to shut you up." " Mmm." " Mmm." "Hey, just be my friend." "We're all going out tonight to Jacob's gig..." "Whoo-hoo!" "With our friends Alan and Charlotte and my brother Louis and his girlfriend, Katira." "And we're all excited about it." " Is this it?" " This is it." "♪ And child ♪" "Jacob is a former lover, fantastic musician, and someone that I really wanna reconnect with." "♪ And maybe ♪" "♪ maybe your river won't seem ♪" "♪ won't seem so long, girl ♪" "I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed." "You know, we're out having this great night together, and I plan to propose a life commitment" " A marriage" "To Anthony and Lindsey, and I'm keeping it a secret from them." "The whole time, in the back of my mind, I'm like," ""I'm gonna propose to them, I'm gonna propose to them," "I'm gonna propose to them."" "And I just have to, like, not say it." "It's super hard." "♪ So long ♪" "[Cheers and applause]" "That's how to make music!" "Yeah!" "Right now, I wanna bring up a really, really special friend of mine." "Her name is Lindsey Kate Cristofani." "She's gonna come up and help me sing a song that she wrote." "I was really surprised that Jacob called me up onstage." "I had a recording deal that fell through last spring." "It's been so long since I've performed in general." "Are you ready?" "You don't look ready." "Are you ready?" "Ladies and gentlemen, give it up." "[Cheers and applause]" "I'd like to dedicate this song to my husband and our girlfriend..." "And all the potential lovers in this room right now." "[Cheering]" "♪ Let me get under you skin ♪" "♪ is this your life or your eye ♪" "♪ let me get under your skin ♪" "Seeing Lindsey onstage is truly inspiring." "She so sexy, and she's so weird." "Here I am in a moment with people who make my life better." "I was so thoroughly enjoying myself and the dynamic between Jacob and I." "♪ So, oh ♪" "Lindsey Kate Cristofani!" "[Cheers and applause]" "After the performance, Jacob and I went to the bar and got a drink together and started catching up." "I wanna know what's going on with you." "Are you still celibate?" "The last time we talked, you were celibate." "The last time we talked, I was celibate because I was waiting for my girlfriend to get back from Thailand." "And she came back, and then the day she got back," "I was no longer celibate." "But monogamous, I'm that." "How" " How's that going?" "Um, I love it." "I mean, I love this girl." "He does, indeed, have a girlfriend." "Of course there's a small part of me that's disappointed, but the overwhelming feeling that I have is being totally happy for him that he's in love." "I miss you." " Let's be in touch more." " Yeah." " Hey." " What's up?" "I just talked to Jacob." "And are you gonna get back together?" "No." "We are not going to be lovers again because he is in a closed, monogamous relationship right now." "I'm thrilled by this 'cause it also means more attention for me." "So you bummed?" "No, not really." "Jacob and I can go in and out of being lovers." "We could be just friends, platonic friends for a while, and it's not a big deal." "I want to just kick back, have a few drinks, enjoy our friends, and maybe meet some new people." "Who knows?" "Belina, are you the sharing type?" " Yeah." " You are the sharing type." " I am." " All right." "Awesome." "I'm a share bear too." "I feel like it's a waste for Lindsey and Wayne not to talk." "I'm not possessive." "I think one of the most liberating things about being poly" "It's not necessarily about sex and relationships." "I mean, maybe we could go over and dance while they talk?" "Sure, let's go have a conversation." "[Laughs]" "We can go out and flirt with whoever we want whenever we want." "There's nothing like the energy of flirting." "Everybody loves it." " Hello." " Hi." "So what's up?" "[Piano plays]" "♪ Seen enough ♪" "♪ seen enough to know that ♪" "♪ it's you I need ♪" "Long drive, you know, L.A. traffic sucks." "Anthony introduced Wayne and I." "I liked him, but I didn't want to do anything more." "There's no spark." "There's no desire to-- to go further." "Is there anyone you're taking home?" "I enjoy flirting with them, but what I'm realizing is" "I don't want a boyfriend right now." "I'm not interested in that." "I want to reconnect with you," "I want to reconnect and build the strength of our triad, and I want to incorporate our best friends into it." "I can't wait till we get, like, a big house, and everybody lives in it." "[Laughs]" "I know that Anthony and Lindsey are committed to me for life." "I feel totally certain." "And I can't wait to propose on our anniversary." "I trust us totally." " I love you guys." " Mmm." "[On fire by Andy Blunda]"