"How'd it go?" "They've got a 48 to 52 male/female ratio, which is great." "A strong liberal arts program and the Olin Arts Center for music." "The usual programs abroad are China, India..." "You're just applying." "Already you're leaving?" "It's an option, Dad." "Junior year." "What'll you study in India?" "How not to get diarrhea?" "They don't require SAT scores, but mine are high." "Socially, I don't know." "I heard there's a saying:" ""Bates is the world's most expensive form of contraception."" "What kind of talk is that?" "The girls at the other colleges put out?" "Oh, my God." "It's pretty, huh?" "Yeah." "Two to go." "Colby up." "Dad, how come you didn't finish college?" "I had a semester and a half at Seton Hall." "Yeah, and...?" "My parents didn't stress college." "They were working-class people." "How come they were anti-education?" "They weren't "anti."" "You can't lay it all off on them." "I got into trouble when I was a kid." " I heard." " You did?" "In Waterville, dine at the Stone House." "Serving the freshest Maine lobsters." "Come see our new salad bar, featuring a wonderful..." "Are you in the Mafia?" "Am I in the what?" "Whatever, organized crime?" "That's crap." "Who told you that?" "I've lived in the house all my life." "I've seen police come, I've seen you go out at 3 a.m." "You never seen Doc Cusamano go out at 3 a.m. on a call?" "The Cusamano kids ever find $50,000 and a.45 while hunting for Easter eggs?" "In the waste management business, everybody assumes you're mobbed up." "It's a stereotype, and it's offensive." "You're the last person I want to perpetuate it." "Fine." "There is no Mafia." "All right, look Med, you're a grown woman." "Almost." "Some of my money..." "How does that make you feel?" "At least you don't keep denying it like Mom." "Kids in school think it's neat." "Seen The Godfather, right?" "Casino we like." "Sharon Stone, '70s clothes, pills." "I'm not asking about those bums." "I'm asking about you." "Sometimes I wish you were like other dads." "But then like, Mr. Scangarelo, for example." "An advertising executive for big tobacco." "Or lawyers?" "Ugh." " So many dads are full of shit." " I'm not?" "You finally told the truth about this." "Look, Med, part of my income comes from legitimate businesses." "The stock market..." "Look, Dad, please." "Don't start mealy-mouthing." "How's my sweetheart?" "I'm so pissed, I can hardly see." "You getting the flu?" "No." "That's my cousin, Svetlana." "The amputee?" "Two months she's only in America, and she's already getting married." "You knew the deal." "I got two kids." "We talked about this." "Yes, and a wife whenever you want." "What do I have in my life?" "Am I glad I called." "Fuck you, then!" "Hang up!" "How are the whirlpool jets?" "Don't throw up in my face things you buy me." "Her prosthetic leg fell off in a Gap store and he carries her out like a knight in a white satin armor." "I gotta go, my daughter's coming." "Jesus!" "How you feeling?" "Better, actually." "Fever just broke." "I miss you two." " How's the interviews going?" " Good, real good." "Did she like Bates?" "Anything to get her off of this Berkeley kick." "What the fuck?" "Tony?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Look, I'll call you from the motel." "Meadow!" "Come on!" " Come on, get in." " Okay, okay, what's the rush?" "Jesus, Dad!" "What's going on?" "I think I saw an old friend." "You know that guy?" "Maybe not." "Probably not." "Then what?" "Dad, slow down!" " Jesus, what's with you?" "!" " It's all right." "Fucking maniac!" " What's going on?" " Just fooling around." "Colby!" "Turn!" "Colby!" "Turn left, it's left!" "Dad!" "That's because you're talking." "This gets us to Colby anyhow." "Dad, that's our motel." "Our motel's right there." " Did you know that guy?" " It wasn't him." "Bada-bing." "Take this number down." "Now?" "It's pouring." "207-555-0185." "Bonjour." "Room service est arrivé." "Why, thank you, kind sir." "What?" "You said poached eggs." "You're not eating, after all that work?" "My eyes were bigger than my stomach." "Why don't you go over to Jason's, play Nintendo." "Nope, no kisses." "Cooties." "I'll be back in an hour." "Okay." "Oh, motherfucker." "Motherfucking shit." "I'm not sure, but I think I saw Fabian Petrulio." " Refresh my memory." " Before your time?" "Made guy, flipped 10 years ago." "He got busted for peddling H." "Took out a lot of people." "People from our outfit." "My old man was sick." "He never recovered when he heard." "You saw this guy?" "I'm saying I think I did, but I'm not sure." "Up in Maine?" "What the fuck?" "He was in the witness-protection program." "Then they kicked him out." "He goes to colleges and gets paid to talk about what a big Mafioso he was." "Piece of shit." "We partied, but Jackie Aprile knew him good." "They did time in Lewisburg." "You know that bust in his rec room with Sinatra?" "Febbie made it in a prison workshop." "That was Frank?" "I always thought it was Shaquille." "Fucker needs to practice on lips." "I know." "Anyway, run these plates for me." "Go ahead." ""Maine, DX66920," call you back tonight at 10, all right?" "What's wrong with the phone in your room?" "Nothing." "Just taking a walk, saw it, figured I'd call Christopher." " Oh, yeah?" " Yeah." "Everything okay?" "They got a leak in the roof, all right?" " Who is it?" " Father Phil." "Just a second." "Oh, Jesus." " Oh, my God." "Look at you!" " I hope I'm not barging in." "No." "I was watching TV." "I was at the clothing drive." "I thought you were in Maine." "Your Moschino peddle-pusher suit, it flew out of there." "Good, good, good!" "Anyway, Jean Cusamano said you were ill." "Yes, I was." "The flu that was going around." " Yipes!" " Yeah, I still have a little fever." "I also have a confession to make, Carm." "I have a jones for your baked ziti." "I have some in the freezer." "I can reheat it." "It's so much better that way." " The mozzarella gets nice and chewy." " I like that." "I was having some Fernet." "Would you like something?" "Some wine, if it's open." "So how's Med and Tony's trip going?" "I should know?" "He doesn't have time to talk to me for two minutes." "Stop staring." "Why are you doing that?" "It's an exciting time." "I can't tell you how proud I am." "A real student at Casa Soprano." "And she looks like a model out of Italian Vogue." "Italian, Italian, Italian." "Thank you." "You're up to something." "How'd you get so cynical?" "That stuff we talked about." "How's that sitting with you?" "Not like I wasn't 90% sure already." "What about your brother?" "Does he know?" "I think so." "There was a time when Italian people didn't have a lot of options." "You mean like Mario Cuomo?" "Sorry." "I put food on the table." "My father was in it, my uncle was in it." "Maybe I was too lazy to think for myself." "Considered myself a rebel." "Being a rebel in my family would have been selling patio furniture." "In college, nothing interested you?" "I barely got in." "Well, I kind of liked history." "Yeah?" "Napoleon, The Roman Empire." "The Potsdam Conference, that stuff." "The Potsdam Conference?" " Potsdamned if I know now." " Oh, my God." "I have something to tell you." "Yeah?" "You're not...?" "No." "Jesus." "A couple of weeks ago, me and some friends, we were doing speed." " We did a lot for a while." " You what?" "It was just between homework and SATs and the general pressure of life..." "We needed something." " That crap'll kill you!" " I know." "I ought to slap you." "Where'd you get it?" "If I knew I'd get a lecture, I wouldn't have told." "Reality check!" "What do you think I'd say?" "Where did you get it?" "I'm not telling." "Especially after this reaction." "Why did you tell me?" "You were honest with me today." "I won't do it again." "It got too scary." "Jesus, right under my nose." "You'd think you'd know." "No, Dad." "You won't." "Well, I'm glad you told me." "In spite of everything." "I'm glad too." "I'm glad we have that kind of relationship." "Tony hates building fires." "We have this beautiful fireplace with logs from when Lincoln split them." "Fear of fire is good to keep out of hell." "Well, maybe there is hope for him." "I got something for you." "It's what we were talking about." "The chapter on Buddhism is spectacular." "But I don't want you going over to them." "Fat chance." "I could never just sit on the floor and think of nothing." " Thank you." " Sure." "You'll see how Islam has gotten a bad rap in current culture..." "Boy, this Chianti, though, is beyond reproach." "Word up." " Dad." " I thought you fell in." "This is Carrie and Lucinda." "They go to Colby." "Why not hang out with them?" "Dad." "What better way to learn about the college?" "Yeah, maybe." "No, that'd be cool." "Please excuse him." "No, really, we love to dish the school." "Go ahead." "No drinking." "Girls, you see that she sticks to Cokes." "I'll come back in an hour and a half." "Be good." " What have you got?" " Wet shoes" "Don't want to work in the rain, try out for the Yankees." "The car is registered to Fredrick Peters 38 Washington Street, Waterville, Maine." "It's off Route 201." "I looked it up." "Fredrick Peters, Fabian Petrulio." "Good match, huh?" "I guess, I don't know." "T, what are you going to do?" "I don't know." "I got Meadow here." "Jesus." "If you want, I'll fly up and take care of it." "Ah, you're a good kid." "You stay put." "Call Pussy or Paulie." " They can but I can't?" " Don 't be sensitive." "They had a friend die in prison due to him." "I'll let them know." "I gotta do my homework and positively I.D. this guy." "I thought it was him." "I haven 't seen him in 12 years." "I'll call you around midnight." "Sit tight." "You think I'm a schnorrer?" "A who?" "Yiddish." "Means somebody who always shows up in time for free grub." "No, you're here a lot." "But you're a man, you like to eat." "I can't get over you with that Yiddish." "My neighborhood in Yonkers was mixed Jewish and Italian, you know?" "A heady brew." "What does that mean, "heady"?" "You know, melting pot." "Vigor." "Hello." "I'm calling for Tony Soprano." "Cajun stuffed olives?" "Who can I say is calling?" "This is Dr. Melfi." "His nurse?" "No, is this Mrs. Soprano?" "That's right, and you are?" "Jennifer Melfi." "Dr. Melfi?" "Jennifer, lovely name." "He's not home." "Could I impose on you to tell him I need to reschedule Monday's appointment?" "I'm down with the flu." "Does he have your number?" "Let me give it to you." "I lost my pencil, up his ass." "I'll tell him you called." "Why does he have to lie?" "Why couldn't he tell me his therapist is a woman?" "Maybe he did tell you, and you didn't hear him." "Why wouldn't he tell me, unless he's screwing her?" "Carmela, please." "I thought he was changing." "I thought therapy would help clear up the fucking freak show in his head." "I'm sure you're wrong about them." "Therapy is a start." "It's a good start." "But, yes, it doesn't fix the soul." "He'll need help from other sources to repair that." "Then you talk to him!" "You help him!" "But, well, there you go." "I mean, will he listen?" "He must be a very unhappy man." "He's unhappy?" "!" "Sleep is my number one..." "Ah, shit!" "Why go into it?" " Mommy!" " Yes, bear?" "Would you put me to bed?" "I'm scared." "Sure, honey, hold on." " I thought she was sleeping." " Well, she woke up." "Daddy's gonna come too." "We'll both put you to bed." " Hurry, Daddy." " Yeah, yeah." "These red pepper flakes make all the difference." "Spicy." "As good as Willem Dafoe was, I cannot picture that Jesus looked like him." "Could you pass the cheese?" "Not that he didn't do well but the story's confusing." "He gets down off the cross?" "Originally, Bobby D. was to have that role." "Really?" "Different picture." "Oh, totally." ""You talking to me, Pilate?" "You must be talking to me." "I don't see nobody else here except Barabbas, here."" "You know what's remarkable?" "If you take everything Jesus ever said, add it up it amounts to two hours of talk." "No!" "I heard the same thing about the Beatles." "Except if you add up all their songs, it comes to 10 hours." "Yes." "It wasn't just what Christ said, it was his deeds." "See, that's my question." "I understand what he did, but a lot of what he said, I don't get." "Like, "The sun rises on the just and the unjust alike?" Why?" "Because, Christ was saying that we're all..." "Whores will go to Heaven before the righteous?" "That's not right." "Father, we got some major contradictions here." "It's about love." "See it that way." "What does that mean?" "It means hopefully someday we will learn to tolerate accept and forgive those that are different." "Change through love." "I better get going." "Where you going?" "You just got here." "It's getting late." "Well, it's pouring rain out." "I know you love the DVD player." "I got Remains of the Day." "See, do I know you?" "Anything with Emma Thompson." "I didn't know you looked." "What?" "To take in through the eyes a beautiful woman is that different than a sunset?" "A Douglas fir?" "Or any of God's handiwork?" " Hey, Fred." " Tanky, what do you say?" "You gonna give away homemade cheese this year?" "For what they get for cream, I don't know." "Tank, anybody been looking for me or asking any questions about me?" "Big guy, New York sounding?" "Is there a problem?" "No." "Dipshit hit me with his boat while I was tubing on Caribou Lake." "Claims it was my fault." "If he shows up, do you want me to call?" "Yeah, I wouldn't mind." "Do that, thanks." "No one's asking for you, Fred." "All right, Vitus." "Thanks." "Hello, rat." "Please leave me alone." "Why won 't you show me your book?" "This is my private time." "You're invading it." "Oh, is that so?" " I'm invading your private time, am I?" " Yes." "What's in that book?" "Come on, let me see." "Or are you protecting me, is that what you're doing?" "Would I be shocked?" "Would it ruin my character?" "Let me see it." "Father, turn it off." "I can't handle it." "What?" "What is it?" "Oh, Father, I'm a terrible person." "Oh, no." "You're a wonderful woman." "It's been building in me." "I need to get it out." "There's so much in me, I..." " I want to..." " Carmela, if I can help, please." "How?" "How long since you last confessed?" "I, uh..." "If you'd like, I can do this." "You mean here?" "Now?" "The whole world is God's house." "He hears and sees everything." "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." "It has been four weeks since my last confession..." "What am I talking about?" "That's a lie." "I haven't truly confessed in 20 years." "Go on." "I have forsaken what is right for what is easy." "Allowing what I know is evil in my house." "Allowing my children oh, my God, my sweet children, to be a part of it." "Because I wanted things for them." "Wanted a better life." "Good schools." "I wanted this house." "I wanted money in my hands, money to buy anything I ever wanted." "I'm so ashamed." "My husband..." "I think he has committed horrible acts." "I think he has..." "You know all about him, Father Phil." "I've said nothing." "I've done nothing about it." "I got a bad feeling." "It's a matter of time before God compensates me with outrage for my sins." "All right, come on." "Oh, tequila breath." "Sorry, Dad." "It's all right." "Just hang on to me." "Throw up on that dress, I'll have to tell Mom." "This guy was giving me tequila shooters." "Oh, God, everything is spinning." " You're not mad, are you?" " A little bit." " Where are the keys?" " I gave them to you." "Supposed to be." " I love you, Dad." " I know." "You must truly repent." "Genuinely and honestly." "In the future you must renounce these actions, and God will absolve you." "I don't know, Father." "I'll try." "But I still love him." "I believe he can be a good man." "Then you help change him into a better man." "Then you will have done good in God's eyes." "You should take Communion." "Why do you have that?" "Unfortunately I had to say Mass for someone in intensive care." "Lord, I am not worthy to receive Thee." " But just say the word..." " And I will be healed." "This is the body of Christ." "It was broken for you." "This is the blood of Christ." "It was shed for you." "Accept the spirit of Christ, our Lord and Savior." "Amen." "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit." "Amen." "Dad?" "I booked a seat on a Boston flight." "Tomorrow, 4:00." " Best I could get." " Don't come." "I'll make sure you're gone before it happens." " We won 't ever meet." " This is my thing." "I am your soldier." "This is my duty like we're always talking about." "The way this went down this is my call." "I'll vouch for this myself." "Clipping a rat puts me a cunt-hair away from being made." "He might've recognized me at the gas station." "He could lam." "You stay put." "End of discussion." "Why are you using the pay phone?" "These walls are like paper." " Please don't lie to me." " Go back to bed." "Lying down made me throw up." "Hello." "Oh, hi, honey." "Oh, yeah." "Was it fun?" "Oh, good." "You want to sleep over there?" "Okay." "Love you." "That was A.J." " He's sleeping over." " I see." " At a friend's house." " Oh." "The Pucillos." "I don't know if you know them." "No." "Are you all right?" "Father Phil?" "Are you all right?" "Hello?" "Ow!" "Don't!" "You want to stop and get a beer?" "I'll pick you up in a little while." "Knock 'em dead." " Aren't you coming in?" " I left my watch at the motel." "I'll catch up to you later." "Grab me a student paper." "You should have some coffee." "Last night..." "We didn't do anything out of line." "There's nothing to apologize about." " Right." " That's right." "I should get dressed." "Get going." "Anthony Jr. will be home soon." "Oh, my God." "My car's been out there all night in plain sight." "We didn't do anything wrong." "Is there a commandment against eating ziti?" "Take a shower, get dressed." "Don't forget your sacrament kit, whatever." "I'm home!" "Carmela." "I don't know where to begin." "It's not that I don't have desire for you in my heart." "Madonna, Father, please." "Last night was one of the most difficult tests from God ever." "What are you talking about?" "We're friends." " What's that look?" " What, I look some way?" "I was just thinking about when we watched Casablanca last week." "That new print is great, huh?" ""Of all the lousy gin joints in the world, why'd you have to pick mine?"" "Of all the finocchi priests, why did I get the one who's straight?" "Carmela." "Come on, it's a joke." "I would have done it myself, but some people came along." "Anyway, listen." "It's a gray Town Car, new model." "Pick him up on the Colby campus." "Where on the Colby campus?" "His kid's applying, the fucking admissions office." " Oh." " You follow him." "Outside of town, you pull up alongside, boom!" "12-gauge." " Fuck that." " Do it or you'll never get another bag off me." "No, no, no." "Fuck that." "Fuck that!" "Want the cops to know who burnt the Historical House?" "Fuck you, fuckwad!" "We were volunteer firemen together, asshole!" "I know!" "Yeah, is Dougy in?" " Good morning, rat." " Who are you?" "What is this?" "Don't make me laugh." "You fuck!" "Teddy, there must be something..." "It's Tony." "Know how much trouble you're in?" "You took an oath and you broke it." "I could have killed you outside the motel." "Your daughter was drunk." "I was in the parking lot." "I didn't do it because of her." "I told myself:" ""It's just a coincidence he's taking her to college."" " With wiseguys the hustle never ends." "If you'd shot me, your life would have been over." "Please." "I'm begging you." "Jimmy says hello from hell!" "Where've you been?" "The motel didn't have the watch." "I went to the restaurant." "I had to wait for them to open." "The restaurant had your watch?" "I took it off in the bathroom while I washed my hands." "You ready?" "You'll be late for Bowdoin." "What's up with that?" "Oh, the restaurant." "I tried the back door and there were puddles." "It was dumb, I know." "Your hand is bleeding!" "You saw that man, didn't you?" "I cut it on a screen door." "What man?" "The man you said you didn't know." "What do you think happened?" "I don't know." "A fight?" "You're making it a big deal, and you don't know!" "You were on the pay phone again at 1 a.m.!" "I was on the pay phone at 1 a.m.?" "Excuse me, Miss Cuervo Añejo." "You can't remember what happened." "You were seeing pink elephants!" "I warned you not to drink." "Dad, you're being honest with me, right?" "You're gonna hurt my feelings." "We have that kind of relationship." "That's right." "We do or we don't." "It takes two to tango." " Dad..." " What?" "Nothing." "I love you." "I love you too." " Where's my paper?" " I forgot." "She forgot." "Miss Soprano." "Come on in." "Shall we talk about your future?" "He's our most famous alumnus." "Oh, here they are." "The two Ivy Leaguers!" "How was it?" "Want to eat?" "It was good." "I gotta call Hunter." " Gee, she spared me no boring detail." " I'll be back!" "What a trip." "I'm beat." "What, New England?" "It's so gorgeous." "You still sound nasal, but you look better." "Any cold pasta?" "There was some ziti, but it got eaten." "The whole tray?" "From last Sunday?" "Monsignor Jughead was here." "If you are referring to Father Intintola, yes, he was." " He spent the night here." " Yeah, right." "Okay." "The priest spent the night here?" "What happened?" " Nothing." " Where was Anthony?" "Sleeping over at Jason's." "The priest spent the night here, nothing happened." " You're telling me this because...?" " You might hear something." "His car was out front all night." "You know what?" "This is too fucked-up for me even to think about." "What'd you guys do for 12 hours, play "Name That Pope"?" " He gave me Communion." " I'll bet he gave you Communion." "Excuse me?" "The guy spends the night here, and all he does is slip you a wafer?" " That's verging on sacrilege." " I didn't mean to verge." " Do you think I'm lying?" " It sounds..." "Would I have told you if we did?" "Do I look like the frigging Thorn Bird?" "He's a fag." "That's it." "Otherwise, I gotta question what I'm hearing." "Tony, you are a sketch." "Oh, by the way, your therapist called." "Jennifer?" "Carm!" "I thought you'd think it was weird if I saw a woman psychiatrist." "Carm, come on!" "It's just therapy, that's all!" "We just talk!" "English Subtitles by Gelula/SDI" "Like any successful man Tony Soprano has developed his own unique management style." "Where's my fucking money?" "!" "And his associates are, to say the least, colorful." "I was born, grew up, spent a few years in the Army few more in the can and here I am, a half a wiseguy." "So what?" "Tony Sirico brings a level of authenticity to the part." "And Stevie's a great guy." "The learning is part of the fun of life for me, you know." "That's why this is so much fun." "It's a brand-new thing to learn." "The inspiration was, I had sat in my house over the years listening to Springsteen records and staring at the covers and looking at this guy's face." "I guess a little bit of it, he reminded me of Pacino... a little bit." "And then he just seemed like, in a way..." "Being Italian-American myself, he seemed like the quintessence of New Jersey." "I said to myself, "Boy, this guy is interesting-looking."" "He has this presence." "He was funny and engaging." "I thought,"This guy's got something."" "We went looking for him." "I said to Dave, I said:" ""I don't want to be taking somebody else's job."" "There are people out there been acting for years and years and..." "You know, I had a little concern about that." "I didn't want to do that but he wrote the part in specially for me." "Fucking pieces of shit." "You forget I'm a captain?" "Why don't you call for help on your radio mike, you fucking rat?" "What's the matter?" "Not wearing one tonight?" "He didn't have time to put on anything decent." "The first thing, you could see him how he learned so quickly." "He's smart." "He's done enough already." "To start this and see him learn and change as he goes is great to watch." "My wife, actually, has been taking acting classes for years." "So, you know, every day or every week she'll come home and tell me what's going on there." "That's kind of interesting." "You know, that's..." "I'm kind of getting lessons vicariously through her." "Sil, cheer me up, babe." ""Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."" "Is that Pacino, or is that Pacino?" "They're such wonderful actors in this show." "I think the casting is so real." "That really helped me tremendously." "I couldn't have dreamed of a better cast to start with, you know." "Everybody." "Everybody has just been totally supportive." "And I learn a lot just from watching them and talking to them." "It's like going to five years of school, you know what I mean?" "A lot of very talented people in this cast." "I got no identity." "Even Brendan Filone's got an identity." "He's dead." "I kill fucking Emil Kolar, nothing." "I don't even move up a notch." "All I got is nightmares." "That Polish, Czech, whatever the fuck is haunting me in my dreams every night." "That happens." "The more you do, the better you'll sleep." "I had one prick chasing me for months." "Did you like it?" "Be honest because we're on camera." "I thought your work was wonderful, as usual." "Hold on for a minute." " You do good work." " Okay, good." "This is my not only good friend, but my acting coach." "Pussy and Paulie." "They're all good people." "David Chase from the people he hired to the crew to everyone on down." "There wasn't anybody that didn't gel." "Everything seemed to fit." "And I think that's why the show..." "It's why we didn't kill each other, first of all, working 16 hours a day." "You can see it in the show." "These people actually like each other." "They're regular guys who just happen to be in the waste disposal game." "My other boss killed more people." "But other than that, it's..." "Neither one is hard to work for, you know." "So you know, usual girl stuff." "She picks up the dry-cleaning and shops." "Dr. Melfi has excellent taste, she only shops at the fancy-schmancy deli." "The kind with the Italian name but they don't have meatballs." "All right, what else?" "What am I supposed to be looking for?" "What's up with this cooz?" "It's none of your fucking business." "You're on a strict need-to-know, lieutenant." "I should knock you out for what you did to her date." "What?" "I scared your goomar's date a little." "What's the big deal?" " This guy still come around?" " No." "He's not her type." "He's a coward." "He nearly pissed himself." "Anything else?" "I don't want to be here all day." "Yesterday she got off at 9 and she went to bed early." "That's it?" "That's it." "Here, buy yourself an iron." "Ready?" "Decaf, right?" "So how was your college trip with your daughter?" "I tell you, my life is like an episode of Provolone-something." "What's going on?" "My wife." "All we do is fight." "And she's jealous of you." "Is that something that you feel or has it been discussed with Carmela?" "She didn't know you were a girl." "You know, a woman." "Excuse me, a doctor." "Woman doctor." " Why did you take so long to tell her?" " I didn't." "You spilled the beans when you called." "Let me ask you a different question." "Why a female?" "Why a female doctor?" "She asked the same frigging question, and I sometimes wonder myself." " And?" " I'll tell you what I told her." "It was between two Jewish guys and a paesana." "So I picked the paesana." "What's the one thing your mother, wife and daughter have in common?" "They all break my balls." "I know what you mean." "They're all Italian, so what?" "So maybe by coming clean with me, you're dialoguing with them." "Let me ask you a question." "Why do you have me as a patient?" "Most legit people I know wouldn't make eye contact with me." "But you you didn't flinch." " Water's warm, come on in." " Hey, Sammy." "How are you?" " I was just gonna make some coffee." " Yeah?" "How's Junior?" "Sit the fuck down!" "Down!" "That's how Junior is, Sammy." "I'm with little Jimmy Altieri." "Yeah, you paying Jimmy for this game?" "Huh, Sammy?" "No." "Are you paying someone for this game?" "Now the party's over." "Junior Soprano is the new boss and he ain't respecting old arrangements." "Hey, you're lucky." "You stayed slender." "You could buy it right off the rack." "I want something special." "The boys are having a little time for me." "You're wearing the suit to the dinner, eh?" "These guys today want to be buried in a jogging outfit." "So how's your..." "What's your oldest boy's name?" " Rafael. "Ralphie."" " Yeah." " Good kid." " Yeah." "He lost his son, you know." "What do you mean, "lost"?" "Dead." "Morto." "Just a fucking kid!" "A baby!" "What are we talking about here?" "You lost your grandson?" "What are you gonna do with these fucking animals these drug dealers?" "He used to run around breaking balls." "Dominic." "My namesake." "Did you know about this?" "What'd I say about this poison?" "These kids shouldn't touch it!" "I read the paper every day about these poor pricks overdosing." "He didn't overdose, he killed himself." "Fourteen years old." " Jesus!" " Was this at Patterson Falls?" "Holy shit, that was your grandson?" " What?" " He took one of those designer drugs." "Goes to the Falls, takes a header right off the fence." "They said the current bashed his head on rocks for days before he came up." "And meanwhile, this piece of shit he gets to walk the streets and sell more of this stuff to young kids." "Oh, really?" "What's this motherless fuck's name?" " Even the coffee's old in here." " How much can you complain?" "Eventually, you've got a broken hip." "I want to give you a macchinetta." "It's the only way to get good coffee." "What are you wearing?" "You smell like a French putain." "It's Canoe." "Johnny wore Canoe." "Morning, Livia." " Oh, good morning." " Morning." " Yeah, hi." " New arrival?" "Go ahead, keep moving, fella." "I'm happy for you, Junior." "I know how long you waited to be made boss." "Just don't let certain people take advantage of you like they did to Johnny." "What certain people?" "Nobody got over on Johnny." "Nobody's gonna get over on me." "How's your Jewish friend?" "Hesh?" "What about him?" " Whoever heard of a Jew riding horses?" " He owns a horse farm." "He's Tony's friend, not mine." " What have you got against him?" " Who, me?" "Nothing." "Johnny liked him." "And my son thinks every word that comes out of his mouth is pure gold." "Are you telling me that since I'm the new boss, I should tax Hesh?" "Boy, Anthony must've really gotten under your collar." "Admit it." "You want to crack his coglioni for putting you in here." " What are you talking about?" " Yeah." "And I'm playing shortstop for the Mets." "All right, watch the balls!" "What is the matter?" "Tony's cannoli doesn't want to stand up?" "Tony's cannoli's tired." "But I can make it happen, baby." "I know." "Just, maybe..." "So how's your job?" "What?" "Since when do you care?" "Can't I be nice?" "All right forget it." "You don't want to talk?" "Fine." "Here, go with somebody who gives a fuck." "I'm not a fucking whore!" "Stick your money up your ass!" " I don't know what's wrong..." " There's nothing wrong with me!" "Just wanted to talk, that's all!" "Talking with you, I might as well be a fucking dildo!" "If you were a dildo, we wouldn't be fighting." "What does that mean, you fucking refugee?" "What does that mean?" "Come here." "Want to fight me?" "Knock you out!" "You fucking communist cunt!" "Yeah, same to you!" "You fucking burned me!" "How you doing?" "What do you got, Andrea?" " Clabby?" " Hearts." "Jump in, the water's warm." "Child's play." "Pound a point." " Hesh is outside." " Tell him to come in." "He says he needs a word with you." "What the fuck?" "You eat more queens than Lancelot." "What's up?" " Let's walk." " That serious?" " You spoke to your uncle lately?" " Junior?" "Yeah." "No." "I don't know." "Why, what's up?" " Your father was a fair man." " What's that got to do with Junior?" "Junior's not so fair." "Sometimes I wish you'd just get to the point." "What'd he do?" "He's taxing me, Tony." "He's taxing you?" "When did this happen?" "Today." "Did you tell him you operate without tax?" "That my father loved you and respected you?" "That 10 cents of every dollar in his kick is from you?" "My uncle's boss of the family 10 minutes, already I got agita!" "What'd you say?" "It's a reasonable request but an unreasonable figure." "What do you mean, reasonable request?" "He's the boss now, Tony." "He calls the tune, we dance to it." "That's the way it's done." "You can either respect that or change the rules." "Tony, I came over here to tell you with all this bullshit going on I can't stay in this area." "Where you gonna go?" "Come on." "I consider my royalty checks." "I wrote six gold records." "No, a couple of black kids did." "You just gave yourself a cowriting credit." "Come on, Heshie." "I know you." "You leave this, you're gonna kill yourself." "How much does he want?" "500 large." "Plus, two points monthly on my shy." "All right." "Do me a favor, sit tight for now." "Let me think about it for a while." " What time is it?" " It's 7:00" "Just one hour more" " What time is it?" " It's 8:00" "Now I'm at her door" "What time is it?" "It's time" "For love" "How was that, baby?" "The best." "You are the best." "Come here." "Tony, I love your cannoli." "You okay?" "Yeah, I'm okay." "Go back to sleep." "Sure you're all right?" "So, what do you want New York to do?" "Junior can't know that we talked." "He's gotta think that Hesh came to you on his own, by himself." "You are still running things." "The arrangement, whatever it is, can't be insulting to my uncle." "Hesh has got to pay something." "I just haven't decided what." "I gotta get back." "We'll talk later." "How's the veal?" "It's like rubber." "Yeah?" "Tastes all right to me." "Want something else?" "Happy anniversary to you" "Don't look at me." "Compliments of Johnny Sack." "Why don't you spend the rest of our anniversary with him?" "I was over there for 10 frigging minutes, Carmela." " Don't do this." " All right, Tony." "At least I know where I stand." "Why do you always gotta be so dramatic?" "Oh, here we go." "All right, I'm sorry, okay?" "I'm sorry." "You don't even know what you're apologizing for." "It's our anniversary, Tony." "Ours." "Not yours, mine and Johnny-fucking-Sack's." "Ours." "I thought we could get a room at the Plaza like last year or..." "I don't know." "I don't..." "I'm sorry, Carmela." "I just got a lot on my mind and I'm not thinking straight." "Hey I'm sorry." "Should I call the Plaza?" "Come on." "No, let's go home." "Hey, come here." "Carm, what do you want me to say?" "Tell me." "I'm lost at sea here!" "You've changed, Tony." "And I resent it." "It's destroying what little self-esteem I have left." "Sometimes I think you skeeve me." "I skeeve you?" "You're the mother of my children." "How could I?" "You see what I'm talking about?" "There." ""You're the mother of my children." I'm just someone you procreated with." "You know it could be the Prozac." "Ginny Torrelli's been on it for years, and she'd hump a fire hydrant." "Dr. Melfi said it had different side effects." "Oh." "She told you that?" "Before we start today's session we need to address the coffee." "It's not appropriate of me to take gifts." " It's a cup of coffee." " Let's just make a rule, okay?" "No gifts." " Does this mean I can't drink mine?" " No." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I usually have my answering service on, but I have a car emergency." "Yes?" "What does that mean, "diagnostic"?" "I just want to know what's wrong with my car." "No." "No, don't do anything." "No, I want to get a second opinion." "I'll take my chances." "Thank you." "I'm sorry." "I'm really sorry." "It's all right." "So how's it going?" "Good." "Real good." "I think I may flush the medication, you know?" "See if the changes I'm feeling are for real." "Why would you do that?" "The Prozac seems to be working." "That might be the problem." " It might be working overtime." " What do you mean?" " I'm having a..." " Reaction?" "You know, a side effect from the stuff." "We talked about that." "Some people get insomnia." "Others, a stomachache or headaches." "But it usually passes." "But are there any other side effects that you know of?" "Some people experience a diminished libido." "They have a hard time getting or maintaining..." " Bingo!" " I see." "You know, not all impotence is a result of the medication." " There's something wrong with me?" " Have you had a prostate exam?" "I don't even let anybody wag their finger in my face." "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed." "Don't apologize." " Oh, boy." " You got a nice laugh." " All right, let's be serious." " Hey." "I'm serious." "You know that depression is also a leading factor in impotence." "In the morning or at night do you ever have an erection?" "You could set your clock to it." "Okay, so we know it's not a physical problem." " Put that in after the credenza." " Yes, ma'am." "What's going on?" "Yeah, I bought some furniture." "Let's just move into Roche Bobois, save the delivery charge." "Fine, I'll send it back." "No." "But you've been spending like a drunken sailor." "I said I'll send it back." "Mother of Christ, I didn't say that, did I?" "Jesus!" "You shouldn't be telling my uncle how to run things." "You think I got the balls to tell your uncle how he should run things?" "I shouldn't expect to see the Statue of Liberty again if I did." "All right, look, Tony Hesh isn't only a friend of you guys, he's a friend of ours." "Somebody has to step in so he doesn't get fucked." "I never said, "fucked."" "You should've come to me first, airing your dirty laundry in public." "How would it look if I went to you after I spoke to him?" "Now he's got a point." "Bottom line is what are we gonna do?" "You have a suggestion?" "If there are any flies on you, they're paying fucking rent." "500's a little steep for back taxes, no?" "The 2 percent of his action, that's up to you." "It affects Tony as much as Hesh." "I'm not out to hurt anyone." "God forbid I get in the way of someone earning." "One and a half on the shy business and 300 on the back tax." "250." "Hold on to your cock when you negotiate with these desert people." "250." "All right." "Mr. Soprano." "You want sex?" "No." "Go back to sleep." "You know, you have a nice body." "You should make it work for you more." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, you reveal too much." "You don't want other men looking at me?" "No, when you're not with me, you do what you want." "But I'm saying maybe you could wear a nice businesslike outfit." "I think I could get into that." " You want me to dress like a man?" " No." "I don't want you to dress like a man." "I'm just saying maybe wear something a little more professional." "Like you're in business." " Well, fuck you, Tony." "I'm no whore." " No." "That's not what I mean, not like you're in the whore business..." "Oh, forget it." "Come here." "Is everyone in my life bananas or what?" "Get over here!" " Come..." " Go jerk off!" "Yeah." "Go jerk off." "Look at this." "She burned me." "That's not good." "What led up to that?" "Carmela can be pretty violent." "This added problem that I've been having I just thought we needed to spice things up a little bit." "If it's not the Prozac, then maybe I just need a little jump-start." "I suggested that maybe she dress a little different." " Something titillating?" " Yeah." "Maybe it'd help." "So I suggested to her not demanded suggested you know, maybe dress a little sexier." " But Carmela can be very sensitive." " Maybe she felt it degraded her." "Not all women are into sexy lingerie." "It's not about dressing like that." "Then what are we talking about?" "Some women are sexier when they dress simple." "You know, understated." "And I don't mean..." "Fuck it, I don't know what I mean." "Like you." "How like me?" "You play it down." "Now, it's obvious you got a killer body under there." "Don't get me wrong." " All right." " Not only do you play it down but you're gentle." "Not loud." "Sweet-sounding." "Like a mandolin." "Anthony." "Unfortunately, we have to stop now." "I think it's important that we talk about this." "Do you think you could come back later this afternoon?" "No." "Till Tuesday." "Okay?" "Yeah, all right." "See you Tuesday." "It's the oddest thing." "I've had this problem for weeks." "But this morning, I get in and it starts right up." "And then again at the deli." "Looks fine." "Are you sure?" "I was told I need a new starter." "Lady as much as I might wish to rob you, I won't try to replace a new starter." " What do you mean, "new"?" " New." "It has everything but the price tag hanging from it." "I didn't do nothing!" "Poor kid committed suicide up here because of you." " You fucking know me!" " I know you." "Listen, big boy." "Listen to me, I'm gonna give you a break." "I'm gonna give you a break." "When I toss you over when I toss you over, if you fly, I won't shoot you down." "Deal?" "No!" "No!" "Well, my goodness." "What happened here?" "Some sad shit." "Motherfucker said he didn't want to live no more." "Jumped." "How much you give him?" "I thought I was the only one Junior could make look like that." "All right, let me hear it." "Rusty Irish." "What about him?" "Took a header off the Falls." "It's the closest that junkie ever got to a bath." "I got news for you." "That junkie was my biggest earner." "He moved more cards than 10 guys put together." "And another thing:" "He should've checked with me before he did a favor for Capri." "You're losing me." "Irish sold Capri's grandson that shit." " You created a Frankenstein in Junior." " I created?" "We agreed to let Junior have his day." ""Let him be the lightning rod, and when somebody goes down he's not a young man with a family." We agreed." "We agreed, but who expected to get raped?" "When Jackie was boss, it all evened out at the end of the day." "But your uncle, Madonna, does he eat alone!" "He doesn't even pass the salt." "What about Sammy Grigio's card game?" "Mikey beat him up." "That ain't right." "Even a broken clock is right twice a day." "Junior had a position." "That game wasn't paying anybody." "The minute Sammy Grigio used Jimmy's name, it should've been end of story." "That's right." " What do you want me to do?" " We made our bed, we sleep in it." "How long will we kick upstairs without it hurting?" "Something, anything should trickle down over here, no?" "All we want you to do is talk to him." "After all, he's your uncle." "Come on." "That's right." " Who is it?" " It's me, Ma." " Who?" " Anthony." "Open the door." "I thought it was the Activities lady." "She's a real pain in the ass." "Playing bingo, Livia?" "Oh, not tonight, honey." "You know, she's a degenerate gambler." "Milly." "Milly?" "My son." "Handsome." "So how's it going?" "Oh, what can I say?" "Hey, this is great!" "You only need that broken reading lamp you had by the phone at home." "And I got it downstairs." "I can bring it." "Listen!" "Oh, she's driving me crazy!" " Who?" " Next door!" "There it is again." "That's enough water!" "How much water does she need?" "She runs the water all day." "Water, water, water!" "I'm living next door to Gunga Din!" "I went to Ferrara's." "I got you biscotti." " Almonds?" " Yeah." "All right." "Leave them there." "I'll take them downstairs later for my coffee." "Uncle Jun been by?" "Oh, once in a while." "It makes him uncomfortable here." "He's got a lot on his mind." "More responsibilities means more headaches." "Better men than him had to work hard." "Yeah?" "He'll be all right." "If he remembers who his friends are." "I'd hate to see him mess up." "He's been waiting a long time." "What do you mean?" "It's not a business that forgives bad decisions." "And I hate to see him making wrong moves, you know." " Especially at the beginning." " Why you telling me?" "Tell him." "Ma, you got his ear." "He listens to you." "I don't know that world." "No, of course not." "But if anything, you know, were to come up, that's all." "I don't want to get involved." "If you have something to say to your uncle, bring it up to him." " Oh, I wish the Lord would take me." " Come on, Ma." "There's plenty of nice gents that want a date with you." "Look." "I'm going downstairs." "I'm going downstairs before that che bruta Activities lady finds me." "You want coffee?" " Yeah, all right." " Bring the cookies!" "Carmela, I don't want to sound like religion is a cure-all but if Tony got more involved with the Church it may help to expedite things in his therapy." "What's killing me is that this is a self-inflicted wound." "I pushed for it." "I could deal with the goomars." "I knew I was better than them." "As stupid as it sounds, I viewed them as a form of masturbation for him." "I couldn't give him what he needed all the time." "You're a man." "You know that thirst." "I was too busy with the house and the kids to quench it." "But this psychiatrist you know, she's not just a goomar." "Now I feel like he's really cheating and I'm the one who's thirsty." "I'm not gonna stay in a marriage that's made..." "Let's not even think about that." "Divorce is for those who never intended on dying married in the first place." "You know, Carm, we reap what we sow." "What do you mean?" "You admit to accepting his dalliances in the past." "Schifosas." "They meant nothing." "But you said it was like they were "lightening the workload" providing a wife's duty when you were too busy." "You practically welcomed it." "Now, I want you to pray to our Holy Mother, ask her for guidance and forgiveness so that you can get through this as a couple." "You're not without sin in this, Carmela." "So she's out of control." "She spends money like we're the Sopranos of Park Avenue." "But you've noticed her." "Which may have been the point." "Look, before we run out of time I'd like to discuss what happened when we were here last week." "How's your car?" "Did you steal my car and have it fixed?" " We had an agreement, no gifts." " I didn't want you to get robbed." "It was you." "You had no right to steal my car." "I've been scared to death." " Why?" " Why?" "It's a violation of my privacy." "What else have you done?" "Answer me." "I love you." " Anthony." " I'm in love with you." "I'm sorry." "It's just the way it is." " Okay." "Let me talk." " No." "It's not the Prozac." "I dream about you." "I think about you all the time." "I can't get excited about other women." "There's nothing else to say." "I love you." "Let me start here." "I know this may be very hard for you to swallow." "But you're only feeling this way because we've made such progress." " What?" " I've been gentle." "That's my job." "I listen." "That's what I do best." "I've been a broad, generic, sympathetic woman to you because that's what this work calls for." "You've made me all of the things you feel are missing in your wife." "And in your mother." "You're making me out to be some fucking mama's boy." "I'm a man." "And you're a woman." "End of story." "And this crap about Freud and every boy wanting to have sex with his mother, that's not gonna fly here." "I didn't say that." "I want to make sure we understand each other." "Yeah, we understand each other." "You don't love me." "You don't want me to come back anymore." "It's quite the opposite." "This is all a byproduct of progress." "Has someone been following me?" "Okay, forget it." "I'll see you next week." "All right, let's go!" " Listen, Uncle Junior..." " You could've made the pros." "You could've done it." "You had a swing like Joe D." " You're crazy." " What?" "You think I'm shitting you?" " I could barely hit.250." " Because you didn't want it." "Too busy chasing skirt." "Chasing skirt, your average was.500." " Yeah, what happened?" " What did you want to talk about?" "Octavian." " You know, Augustus." " You fucking with me?" "No." "Octavian became Augustus." "Forget about that." "Bottom line:" "Augustus was a Caesar." "And everybody loved him, right?" " You know why?" " I don't know that I give a fuck." "Everybody loved him because he never ate alone." "Capisci?" "It was the longest time of peace in Rome's history." "He was a fair leader and all his people loved him for that." "Is this the one that they stabbed in the back?" "No, that was Julius." "Talking about Augustus." "He shared his wealth and all his people loved him." "You said that three times." "I heard it." "His people loved him." "What's your point?" "Remember when you told me about the bull and his son?" "They're looking out at a bunch of cows." "The son says, "Dad, why don't we run down and fuck one of these cows?"" "What did the dad say?" "The father says, "Son, why don't we walk down there and fuck them all?"" "I told you that?" ""Why don't we fuck them all."" "That's funny." "Okay, I get your point." "Why all of this fucking Augustus-Octavian shit?" "I don't know." "Are you okay?" "You've been acting mezzo morto lately." "I ain't seen you like that for years." "I'm okay." "It's just bullshit stuff." "Don't worry about it." " Are you sure?" " Yeah, yeah." "I'm okay." "Junior took your 250 and split it amongst the top five guys." "So he doesn't look greedy." " Smart move." " Yeah." "Your uncle may be another Harry Truman." " What's that mean?" " Truman had a big job thrust on him." "He didn't want it, but in the end he made some pretty wise decisions." "Your uncle may be the right man." "I fucking hope so." "I'll tell you, I don't want the job." "Let Junior die from the stress." "That's what gave Jackie the cancer, God rest his soul." ""Boss." Fuck it, who needs it?" "It's nice here." "I can't stand the smell." "The shit, flies all over." "But I could watch them for hours." "There's a kind of beauty to it." "I envy them." " I wouldn't go that far." " I would." "They got no bills, no headaches, no family cazzi running around." "One horse likes another one, they fuck." "That's it." "No problems." "No hundred questions." "No guilt." "I don't know what I'm talking about." "So Junior split my money and spread it around?" " Yeah." " Five bosses, 50 a pop." "Not a bad day's pay." "Still, I wish it wasn't your money." "You know, it makes me feel terrible." "What?" "You old fucking Jew." "Here's my share." "I don't want to profit off you." "Never entered my mind." "Dr. Melfi, there's nothing there, you know." "You don't have to explain nothing, Tony." "In psychiatry, apparently what you're feeling is not what you're feeling." "And what you're not feeling is your real agenda." " You're gonna stick with it, right?" " I don't know." "I think you should." "You do?" "I was jealous." " I should've..." " Wait, let me finish, Tony." "I've been thinking a lot about this." "I was jealous of her ability to help you." "To be a sort of salvation to you." "I talked to Father Phil and I want to be that woman in your life." "Carm, you're not just in my life you are my life." "Come here." "I'm no good at speeches." "Owe him a dime, you'll hear some great speeches." "Shit." "Shut up, let me talk." "Go ahead." "I was only kidding." "I'd like everybody to raise their glasses." "Okay." "Taught me as much as anybody, except for maybe my father." "Even if he wasn't my uncle I'd be standing here saying:" ""To our new boss."" "Salute." "To Junior." "Junior." "To Junior." "Salute." "English Subtitles by Gelula/SDI"