"(barking orders)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Fort Baxter to be tested for reception center." "Men, I don't have to tell you what it will mean to show General Rogers that we can process, uniform and induct over 300 recruits into the Army within the standard limit of three hours." "We must operate like a machine." "But without using any names, if there's a monkey wrench" "thrown in that..." "Oh, really, sir, I wouldn't..." "I'm not mentioning any names, Sergeant Bilko." "Men, I think Washington is in for a surprise." "Captain Barker will tell you about it." "Captain Barker." "How about that?" "Quiet, Bilko." "Quiet." "Captain Barker!" "I'm sorry." "Thank you, sir." "By eliminating eight of the steps now used in processing by the Army, which are nothing but red tape and repetition, through the means of my revised system, which for the present time we'll call the Barker System," "we can process these men not in three hours," "but in two hours." "Two hours?" "!" "Sounds impossible!" "Oh, no, it isn't." "If we can keep these men moving at top speed from the time they check in-- moving, moving, moving, moving, moving-- we can do it." "This is it, men." "If we can do it, promotions for you up and down the line." "Not only the officers, but the enlisted men." "And I may add, your commanding officer, instead of a unknown colonel on a forgotten post, will be an officer of stature and military importance." "You're leaving us, sir?" "Never mind." "You'll be missed around here, sir." "Bilko..." "What about it, men?" "# Should old acquaintance be forgot... #" "Quiet!" "I'm staying." "And I'll stay right behind you, sir, reflecting in the glory of your leadership." "Quiet!" "No..." "Bilko, whether you stay or not depends on what happens today." "There will be an inspection by General Rogers just before zero hour." "A general inspecting my barracks, sir?" "Sir, may I suggest that..." "I know." "I thought of that, too, but it's too late to burn your barracks." "It's too late." "All right, men, let's do it!" "Oh, Rocco, these new signs were an inspiration." "Thanks, Sarge." "Oh, the barracks look nice." "Now, look, we got to shine." "(barking orders)" "I want all the belts right in a line." "All..." "Oh, come on, Doberman." "Lift it!" "Lift it!" "Now, stomachs in." "Oh, never mind." "All right, now, here's what happens." "When the general walks in, he'll probably walk in like..." ""Well, this is a fine barracks."" "And the first one he'll see..." "Uh, uh, get back just a little." "Just... that's it." "Gives a little more dimension." "Right here." "All right, the general will walk in, and he'll..." "I can still see him." "Block him off a little." "Just cover it up." "Why is he here today?" "He's the barracks orderly." "Ah." "Barracks orderly, front and center." "Take care of the furnace room, Doberman." "In the middle of the summer, Sarge?" "You never know-- the wind may shift." "On the double. (barks orders)" "All right, barracks looks better already." "Now police everything." "Get everything shining." "You understand?" "Here come the rookies, Sarge." "Welcome." "Welcome." "Right over... right over there." "Welcome to the hotel, gentlemen." "There'll be a private room for everyone. (laughs)" "Ten-hut!" "Hut!" "Sergeant Bilko, this is Section 7B, 12 men." "You are responsible for their processing." "That's all." "Thank you very much, sir." "All right, men, let's keep a steady line." "Nice, little line." "(barking orders)" "No, no." "Men, no." "Don't be frightened." "That's just the way we do it." "Come on, men, on the double." "Don't be nervous." "May I introduce myself?" "I'm your master sergeant, Sergeant Ernest Bilko, but you men, you can call me Ernie." "What about that?" "That's a good way to start, isn't it?" "You can check your valuables with Corporal Barbella." "He's bonded." "And those of you who want to leave your suitcases, that's Corporal Henshaw on the left." "Now, Rocco, file those..." "Oh, oh, Sergeant, Sergeant." "My name is Chapman." "I have a question." "There's always one." "There's always one!" "What?" "What?" "Well, you see, I have some perishable things in the bag." "I'm afraid if it's under a pile of luggage... if there was" "some empty room in which I..." "All right, all right." "All right, all right, put it in the furnace room at the end of the barracks." "One the double." "All right, men." "Let's have that line." "All right, a little spark to it." "Now, men, in a few minutes, there's going to be a general in here on inspection." "Now, now, take it easy, will you, Zippo?" "Everything is going to be all right." "Here, let's get behind the furnace." "I'll get you out of the bag." "Come on, now." "Now, Zippo..." "Now, listen, try and understand" "it was the only thing I could..." "Hey!" "Oh, shh." "Keep it quiet, will you, soldier?" "Are you crazy?" "A monkey in the barracks?" "You don't understand." "It was the only thing I could do." "You see, my brother was supposed to..." "Now, remember, you men, not a shoelace out of line." "Hey, Sarge, the inspection party just left the mess hall." "There's a general with them." "Let them come." "All right, men, give me those steely eyes, those hard muscles." "I want all you fellas..." "Doberman, I want you back in the furnace..." "Listen, you!" "I told you, didn't I?" "I want Doberman back in that furnace room!" "Rocco, don't freeze on me in an emergency." "Sarge, that wasn't Doberman;" "it was a monkey." "A m... (laughs)" "Oh, you're really cracking up." "Did you hear that, men?" "(laughs)" "Rocco says he thought that he saw a mon..." "It's a monkey!" "Grab him!" "Grab him!" "Grab him!" "Get him!" "They're coming up the company street." "(clamoring)" "BILKO:" "Hide him!" "Hide him!" "Here they come, Sarge." "Ten-hut!" "This is a motor pool platoon." "Sergeant Bilko in... command." "Isn't that, uh, a rather odd formation, Sergeant?" "Well, sir, it's just an example of the vision of our commanding officer." "We are constantly training, learning the military maneuvers of foreign nations, sir." "Oh, and what's this one?" "Well, surely, the general recognizes the British Square." "The... the British Square?" "That's the square that won over India, you know, sir." "Very interesting, Colonel." "I wish I had time to show the general the Armenian Oblong," "but I..." "No, never mind." "Uh, we haven't much time, General." "Armenian Oblong?" "You must explain that" "to me, Jack." "Of course, of course." "Bilko, what's going on?" "Sir, everything's going as smooth as glass." "Thank you." "Three cheers for the colonel." "Hip, hip..." "ALL:" "Hooray!" "Where is he?" "Where is he?" "Now, listen, you." "You get that monkey out of here." "He's not a monkey;" "he's a chimpanzee." "Excuse me." "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." "Please, I got no time for that." "Get him out of here!" "What's your game?" "No game." "We're a vaudeville act." "Charlie and Zippo here." "I raised him." "Look, I tried to explain to the draft board that if I left him with strangers," "he'd pine away and die." "Why?" "Why?" "My brother was supposed to meet me here in Roseville." "If he would've been on time..." "The train was probably late." "He's probably right in town now looking for me." "Hey, Sarge, maybe we could sneak the monkey into town." "Are you nuts?" "The post is swarming..." "Please, I don't want that." "Please." "Now, you stop that." "Wait a minute." "Listen, Sarge." "May-maybe we can sneak him off the post." "Then, he could pick up his brother in town, bring him back here, and then-then... and listen, Sarge, he could take care of the monkey." "What do you say, huh?" "I can get him through the back fence, into town and back before the processing begins." "You're having a lot of fun, aren't you?" "You know what this means if they find a monkey on the post?" "Get him out of here!" "You go and get your brother." "Get him off the camp." "All right, Sarge." "Good-bye, Zippo." "No, no." "Come on." "Get out of here." "There's some bananas in the bag!" "Doberman." "Where's Doberman?" "Yeah, Sarge." "There he is." "Get a bag of bananas." "Stay with him." "Right." "You, get him hidden in the latrine." "Cover him with something." "This can't..." "Why?" "Why?" "All right, you guys, fall in-- just like you was before." "Come on, line up." "Hurry up!" "Come on, now, on the double!" "Line up, will you?" "Let's go." "Get somebody in here." "All right, now, listen, you guys." "Not one word about the monkey." "BARKER (over intercom):" "Attention, all units." "This is Captain Barker." "Collect your inductees and be ready to proceed to the staging area." "It is zero minus three." "Oh, no, not a..." "Get-get rid of the monkey." "Hide him in the latrine, will you?" "Ernie!" "Ernie!" "Latrine?" "What's a latrine?" "I don't know." "Hey, hey, hey!" "There's an officer coming." "All right, Squad 7B, this way." "Follow me." "Forward, march." "ALL:" "Hut, hut, hut." "Jonathan Mitchell." "Next." "State your name." "William O'Brien." "William O'Brien." "William O'Brien." "William O'Brien, have you ever had rheumatism, pneumonia, smallpox, chicken pox, German measles?" "Next." "No." "State your name." "Edwin Dubro." "Edwin Dubro." "Edwin Dubro." "Edwin Dubro, have you ever had rheumatism, pneumonia, smallpox, chicken pox, German measles?" "Next." "No." "State your name." "Hurry, speak up!" "Harry Speakup." "Harry Speakup." "Harry, have you ever had rheumatism, pneumonia, smallpox, chicken pox, German measles?" "Next." "Name." "Martin Ford." "Have you ever had rheumatism," "Martin Ford." "Martin Ford." "pneumonia, smallpox, chicken pox, German measles?" "Next." "No." "All right, speed it up." "Speed it up." "Keep moving." "How's it going?" "Oh." "Bilko's squad all checked in." "Oh, good." "That's off my mind." "Captain Barker, sir," "I must explain something." "Okay, Bilko." "Your Squad 7B all checked in." "All?" "Yes." "You had 12, didn't you?" "Yes." "What?" "Oh, they must have got him back in time." "Thank heavens." "What is that, a jam-up in the dental unit?" "Bilko, push them through dental." "Come on, Bilko." "Hurry up." "All right." "(Bilko barking orders)" "BARKER:" "Keep it moving." "...pneumonia, smallpox, chicken pox, German measles?" "Next." "Move, move, move." "Everybody, on the double!" "Keep this line going." "All right, all right, come on." "No smoking." "All right, everybody in there." "Hey, stop!" "BARKER:" "Hey, Bilko!" "Bilko, come back here!" "Sir!" "Something..." "I got to stop the line." "You got to stop the line?" "Please, sir, let me explain." "You explain it to the colonel." "Report to him." "But, sir..." "That's an order!" "The colonel." "All right, the colonel." "Open wide." "Cavity, upper left molar." "Next." "Edwin Dubro." "Edwin Dubro." "Open wide." "Check bicuspids." "Next." "Harry Speakup." "Harry Speakup." "Open wide." "Overdeveloped canines." "Next." "Martin Ford." "Martin Ford." "Oh, if you give us small posts a chance to show what we can do," "we'll surprise you..." "Colonel Hall, I'm..." "General." "Bilko, I'm busy." "Sir, I must see you..." "(grunts)" "It'll keep till later." "Sir, this is very important." "I must see you..." "Sir, you've got to stop the line, sir." "Of course." "Long enough for you to collect a bet that we won't finish on schedule." "Oh, the colonel does make jokes, sir." "Sir, I must see you." "It's ur...!" "Bilko, get back to your station!" "Sir... -(over intercom):" "Squad 7B, take off your shoes." "Get ready for foot clinic." "Foot clinic." "Oh, no." "Edwin Dubro." "Declivity, left arch." "Check." "Next." "John D. Kay." "Okay." "Check." "Next." "Harry Speakup." "(over intercom):" "There's a stoppage at foot clinic." "There's a stoppage at foot clinic." "Foot clinic, why aren't you moving?" "Something wrong, Captain?" "You look at feet all day, it's bound to happen." "Next." "Martin Ford." "Incipient bunion, left foot." "Check." "BARKER:" "Men, there was a stoppage." "We lost ten seconds." "What happened?" "Nothing." "Next." "BILKO:" "Captain Barker, sir!" "Oh, Bilko, this is no time." "Sir, I have to take one" "of the men out of the line." "Out of..." "Why?" "Sir, you... he isn't what you think he is." "That's for the psychiatrist to find out." "They're heading there now." "Psychiatrist?" "!" "You know, and sometimes, my frustrations get so great that I think I'm gonna go berserk." "(over intercom):" "Keep the line moving." "Hang onto your papers." "Thank you." "Follow the line." "Keep it moving." "Next." "Harry Speakup." "Well, Harry, be free to talk, now." "Do you love your mother and father?" "Any frustrations?" "Do you dream?" "Are your dreams related with childhood frustrations?" "Uh, calm down, young man." "Do you... do you like girls?" "Uh, be free to talk about it." "Uh, any insanity in your family?" "Uh, father, mother, grandfather?" "All right." "Next." "Here." "All right." "Bill O. Benson." "Uh, Bill, tell me about your mother and father." "Were they kind to you when you were a child?" "What about your aunt?" "Oh, sir." "Please, just don't say anything until the general is off the post, please." "What are you talking about?" "You know... this Harry Speakup." "What about Harry?" "I just had a nice chat with him." "He's going to be all right." "All right?" "All right, what's the jam-up here?" "Yes." "Bilko, they're taking the intelligence test." "Get them through!" "Yeah, yeah." "All right, Benson," "let's go ahead now." "All right, let's go." "Let's go, let's go!" "Tell me about your mother and father." "(over intercom):" "Intelligence test." "Keep it moving." "Keep it moving." "TESTING OFFICER:" "All right, let's go." "Keep it moving." "Take any seat." "Now, you'll find..." "Bilko, what are you doing here?" "Nothing, sir." "Just thought, if I could help out..." "All right, all right." "Never mind." "You'll find a printed test and a pencil at each desk." "All right." "Now, read the instructions carefully before you begin, then check your answers clearly." "(bell dings)" "Begin." "All right." "Shh." "Uh, sir, are there any irregularities, sir?" "If there's any irregularity, Bilko," "there will be an investigation." "Investigation?" "You all through?" "(snaps fingers)" "Oh, your pencil fell." "(bell dings)" "All right, stop." "Print your name in the upper right-hand corner." "Print your name." "Print your name in the upper right-hand corner." "(bell dings)" "All right, dismissed." "That's all." "Get him out!" "Get him out!" "All right, fellas, keep it moving." "46 seconds ahead of schedule." "I don't believe it." "You may make it in two hours." "Two hours." "General, you better get over to the assembly hall to swear them in, or they'll beat you to it." "(chuckling)" "We're going to do it, sir." "We're going to do it." "All right, get those records off." "One hour and 46 minutes." "Uh-huh, we're going to do it, sir." "We're going to do it!" "Colonel Hall, Colonel, you must stop the line!" "Not now, Bilko." "Sir, you don't know!" "There's an emergency, sir!" "Stop the line when we're on the verge of breaking all records for inducting 309 men into the Army in under two hours?" "308 men, sir!" "308 men?" "Yes, one of them is a monkey, sir!" "A monkey?" "Yes, sir, it's an emergency!" "Please, listen to me!" "Bilko, is this one of your jokes?" "It's not a..." "I was never more serious!" "He's even got a name:" "Private Harry Speakup." "A monk... a monk...?" "I don't know how it happened!" "He got in..." "Sir, inducting a monkey into the Army, and you did it, sir!" "You've gotta..." "Sir, you must stop them, please!" "Stop the processing!" "Stop the..." "What?" "What is it, sir?" "Sir, what is it?" "ROGERS:" "And I will fulfill..." "MEN:" "And I will fulfill..." "ROGERS:" "...to the best of my ability..." "MEN: ...to the best of my ability..." "ROGERS:" "...my duties as a soldier in the Unites States Army." "MEN: ...my duties as a soldier in the United States Army." "ROGERS:" "Well, men, you're in the Army now!" "(men cheering)" "He's in the Army now." "Well, sir, it was nobody's fault." "What a way to end a career." "Will they remember me as a West Point officer that was cited twice for bravery?" "No, they'll remember me as a man that opened the doors of the Army to the animal kingdom." "A monkey." "Well, sir, there's another way to look at it." "In these tense times, the world needs a good laugh, sir." "One hour and 58 minutes!" "Top show." "We did it, sir." "We did it." "Well done, Colonel." "Well done!" "The colonel put it over," "didn't he?" "I knew you could do it, sir." "Great piece of work, sir." "Congratulations, Colonel." "We can all be proud, gentlemen." "Proud of our leader here." "It's just wonderful." "Just think, sir." "In under two hours, 309 men." "308 men." "308?" "308 men, and the other one was..." "I can't." "You tell him what he was, Bilko." "Well, actually, it's the way you look at it." "Tell him!" "He's a monkey." "A monkey?" "!" "Oh, no!" "Those feet!" "Now I remember those feet!" "Bilko, you'll pay for this!" "I?" "I didn't..." "We'll all pay for this." "(all talking at once)" "Attention!" "General Rogers!" "HALL:" "Ah, General Rogers, we just have to make some changes in the records here." "There's some..." "Is anything the matter, General?" "Nothing, nothing." "It's just that I..." "Nothing, nothing." "Well, perhaps I should escort the general to the guesthouse where he can rest a while." "No, no, no, no, I'll be all right." "It's... it's just that I thought I saw a..." "I was shaking hands with the new men as they filed by, and suddenly..." "I'll be all right." "It's no use." "Tell him, Bilko." "Tell me what?" "Well, sir, what you thought was a..." "No." "It was, sir." "Monkey?" "Monkey." "(Rogers chuckles)" "(all chuckling)" "Oh, the general has a sense of humor." "(all chuckling)" "So, we took a monkey into the Army?" "(all laughing)" "We took a monkey into the Army!" "General..." "Quiet!" "A monkey, and I swore him in!" "But, sir..." "Why don't we all look at the brighter side, sir?" "This proves that we have a democratic Army!" "Quiet!" "Who is this man?" "!" "He-he's the sergeant responsible for this whole mess, sir." "We're all responsible." "But, sir..." "Quiet!" "This is General Rogers." "Lock all the gates, cut off all communications until further notice." "Now let's stop acting like a lot of hysterical women and get this mess straightened out." "Oh, what direct action." "That's what makes him a general." "Colonel, you can take notes." "Quiet!" "That will be all, Private." "Private?" "Perhaps the general hadn't noticed that the..." "I know." "I'm thinking ahead." "Well, Lieutenant..." "Lieutenant?" "Oh, I see." "Exactly." "Unless this ridiculous mess is kept quiet!" "Yes." "Sergeant Barker." "Get that monkey off the post immediately." "Arnold, get those records changed." "I'm afraid it's not quite that simple, sir." "What do you mean?" "The records have already been sent to the Pentagon." "Oh, no!" "They have the records of 309 men." "If we can produce only 308, why, they'll start inquiring what happened to Private Speakup." "We've got to move fast!" "Throw him out for subnormal intelligence." "Well, what's wrong?" "He was third highest in his group." "Third highest?" "!" "(chuckles) He's a bright little monkey when you think of it!" "Stop that!" "This is fantastic!" "Fantastic!" "Well, sir, unless we find some legal reason" "(phone rings) -to discharge..." "I don't want to be bothered!" "What?" "He's in the kitchen?" "He bit Sergeant Sowici's finger?" "Just one moment, sir." "He bit a superior officer?" "Oh, Captain Barker, do you mean...?" "A court-martial." "A court-martial." "Court-martialing a monkey?" "!" "It's the only legal way, sir." "That's right, sir." "And once the monkey's proved guilty and discharged, the legal channels are open for disciplinary action against the person responsible for this whole mess." "Yes, whoever's responsible should pay." "ROGERS:" "Yes..." "We've all been embarrassed, and..." "Really, sir, you're not gonna blame me if the monkey's..." "Quiet!" "Cut the orders." "Court-martial convenes in 15 minutes." "But in 15 minutes..." "And I am appointing you the monkey's defense counsel." "We'll kill two birds with one stone." "But, sir, really..." "15 minutes, not a word of this to anyone ever!" "We're going to court-martial a monkey." "Summary court-martial proceedings this 16th day of June." "Cut the red tape." "The quicker we get this stupid farce over with the better." "Court is convened." "Is the prosecution ready?" "Ready, sir." "Is the defense counsel ready?" "Sir, I'd like a postponement." "Postponement?" "!" "Well, sir, there are certain legal points that I haven't had a chance to delve into." "Silence!" "Yes, sir." "Bring in the defendant." "Bring in Private Harry Speakup." "Oh, no, I-I can't go through with it." "I don't blame you, sir." "Is that the best fit you could..." "Quiet!" "Sir, it's the only way." "Otherwise, it might look like..." "Get it over with!" "HALL:" "Read the specifications." "ARNOLD:" "Specifications against the accused read as follows:" ""That on the 16th day of June this year, the defendant," ""Private Harry Speakup, did willfully" ""and maliciously break Army Regulation 67B2" ""by assaulting a superior officer," ""Master Sergeant Stanley Sowici by biting him on the right index finger."" "No one will ever believe this." "Call the first witness." "Uh, Sergeant Sowici." "Sergeant Sowici." "Come on, come on, come on!" "Sergeant Sowici, do you solemnly swear..." "Hurry up!" "(bangs gavel)" "I do." "Will you state your full name and rank?" "Stanley Sowici, Master Sergeant, the United States Army." "Sergeant, will you state your present duties?" "I'm the company cook." "BARKER:" "In your own words, Sergeant, will you tell the court what happened at exactly 1400 hours on the 16th day of June?" "Yes, sir." "I was going into the storeroom to get some apples for the Waldorf salad." "We always have Waldorf salad on Thursdays," "and when I don't have any walnuts... -(bangs gavel)" "Are you going to recite the cook and baker's manual or are you gonna tell us what happened?" "Yes, sir." "Sorry, sir." "I reached for an apple, when all of a sudden this monkey comes in and grabs..." "Objection." "Objection?" "!" "I object to the use of the derogatory word "monkey"" "when referring to my defendant." "You object?" "Really, sir, until this court rules otherwise, the defendant is a private in the United States Army." "That's right!" "Right, sir!" "And, sir, I must continue." "And as a private in the United States Army, he's privileged to the title and the rank he's deserving." "A rank that has come through the glorious years" "to be known..." "(banging gavel)" "Objection sustained." "Go on." "(mouthing)" "SOWICI:" "Well, sir, like I was saying, sir, this, uh..." "Private Harry Speakup." "...this Private Harry Speakup grabbed the bananas, and I ordered him to drop the bananas." "He wouldn't pay any attention to me." "And in the ensuing struggle, he bit my hand." "And that's the story, sir." "Well, it's pretty clear he's guilty." "Stand by for sentencing." "Cross-examination." "Cross-examination?" "!" "Bilko, are you trying to stall this?" "Really, sir, I'm sure you want to give justice and the history of jurisprudence of the Army courts..." "Your witness." "Sergeant Sowici, you stated, and I think I quote you exactly," ""I ordered him to drop the bananas, and he paid no attention to me."" "That's right." "Didn't he say anything?" "Ah, he didn't say anything." "He just chattered a little." "Chattered?" "Chatter which you did not understand!" "I'm telling him." "Chatter..." "Who can..." "Who can understand it?" "It was just..." "Did it ever occur to you, sir, that in this very chattering he was trying in his own way to explain perhaps the bananas were his?" "And does it occur to you, as a private, he's entitled to be fed by the United States Army?" "Bilko, stop stalling!" "It's a open-and-shut case." "The monkey bit..." "Ah, ah, objection." "Excuse me." "Private Speakup bit a noncommissioned officer maliciously." "Maliciously, sir?" "Could he...?" "Well, to go on further." "Sergeant Sowici, you stated that you reached down and grabbed him." "Is that correct?" "Yeah, yeah." "Had he grabbed you first?" "Well, no." "Is the sergeant aware of Army regulations which specifically states a noncommissioned officer must not lay a hand on an enlisted man at any time?" "Now, wait a minute." "All I did..." "All you did was disqualify yourself as a witness, and I submit to the court since we have no authoritative witness, through the history of the Army, the case shows there can be no trial, and my defendant is innocent!" "Innocent?" "!" "Yes!" "Sir, there must be something..." "Do you mean to say we can't even court-martial the monkey?" "!" "Bilko, this time I think you've gone too far." "Sir, I hate to give the trouble to the court." "Just a minute, sir." "I think he's calling for another lawyer." "(speaks indistinctly)" "Now you better let me handle this my way." "I'm sorry for the interruption, sir, but there is no case against the witness." "In that case, there is no charge against me." "I'll return to my men." "Thank you very much." "No charge against you, Sergeant?" "What's this?" "This civilian was found sneaking into the post through the back fence." "A spy!" "I'll take care of him." "Not so fast, Bilko." "Mr. Chapman, you were in this camp, and then against all regulations went A.W.O.L." "I know, sir, but I was ordered to." "And who ordered you to do this?" "Sergeant Bilko." "I never saw this man in my entire life." "Bilko, this time we've got you." "A sergeant ordering a man to go A.W.O.L. -(bangs gavel)" "This court-martial is still in session." "Just change the name from Speakup to Bilko." "Oh, sir, we're-we're in no trouble here, sir." "What are you talking about?" "Well, it's just a slight misunderstanding." "It's very clear." "Well, start clearing." "If I may." "Sir, your name is Chapman?" "That's right." "Now will you state what happened when the defendant entered the United States Army?" "Well, it broke up our act." "And that meant?" "That meant he's the sole supporter of myself, my mother and father, my brother and his entire family." "And so without him, there was no living." "A hardship case." "A hardship case!" "A hardship case!" "He's out of the Army!" "Out of the Army!" "Hey, Zippo." "ROGERS:" "He's out." "He's out!" "Bilko, I don't see how you do it." "(bangs gavel)" "Thank you, sir." "The court-martial of Harry Speakup is over." "And remember, men, from this day on, you heard nothing..." "No, sir." "...you saw nothing, you say nothing." "ANNOUNCER:" "Also seen in tonight's cast were John Boruff as General Rogers," "Nicholas Saunders as Captain Barker," "Joey Faye as Chapman and Zippy as himself."